Zootopia

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Comedy, Adventure, Animation, Mystery, Action, Drama, Crime, Thriller

Setting: Modern day, Zootopia, a vibrant metropolis populated by anthropomorphic animals

Overview: In the vibrant city of Zootopia, Judy Hopps, a determined bunny, defies the odds to become the first rabbit police officer. Despite facing skepticism from her family and colleagues, she embarks on her journey with optimism. As she navigates the challenges of her new role, Judy is assigned to parking duty, where she encounters Nick Wilde, a sly fox with a troubled past. Together, they uncover a conspiracy involving missing mammals and the mysterious 'night howlers.' Their partnership evolves as they confront their biases and learn the importance of trust and collaboration. The story culminates in a thrilling confrontation that tests their resolve and challenges societal prejudices.

Themes: Overcoming Prejudice, Finding Your Place in the World, The Importance of Friendship and Collaboration, The Power of Determination, The Dangers of Prejudice and Discrimination

Conflict and Stakes: Judy's struggle to prove herself as a capable police officer while facing prejudice and the mystery of missing mammals in Zootopia, with the safety of the community at stake.

Overall Mood: A mix of light-heartedness, tension, and emotional depth.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: The mood is playful and whimsical during the Carrot Days Festival, highlighting Judy's determination.
  • Scene 12: The mood shifts to tense and confrontational as Judy faces prejudice and struggles with her identity.
  • Scene 25: The mood is hopeful and reflective as Judy delivers her commencement address, inspiring others.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The anthropomorphic animal setting allows for creative storytelling and exploration of social issues through a whimsical lens.
  • Plot Twist: The revelation that the 'night howlers' are actually flowers causing predators to go savage adds depth to the mystery.
  • Innovative Ideas: The film cleverly addresses themes of prejudice and identity through the interactions of different species.
  • Distinctive Settings: The diverse districts of Zootopia, each representing different ecosystems, provide a rich backdrop for the story.
  • Unique Characters: The dynamic between Judy and Nick showcases a strong partnership that evolves throughout the film.

Comparable Scripts:

  • Zootopia
  • Ratatouille
  • Kung Fu Panda
  • The Pursuit of Happyness
  • Legally Blonde
  • Moana
  • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
  • Finding Nemo
  • The Incredibles
  • Brave

Writing Style:

The screenplay showcases a dynamic writing style that blends humor, heart, and thematic depth. It incorporates elements of action, adventure, and social commentary, often using anthropomorphic characters and imaginative settings. The dialogue is witty and engaging, with characters that feel relatable and well-developed.

Style Similarities:

  • Pixar Animation Studios
  • Shane Black
  • Edgar Wright
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Recommend


Explanation: The screenplay for 'Zootopia' is a well-crafted, character-driven story that explores themes of prejudice, perseverance, and the power of understanding. The narrative follows Judy Hopps, a determined rabbit police officer, as she navigates a complex mystery involving predator animals going 'savage.' Through her unlikely partnership with a streetwise fox named Nick Wilde, Judy uncovers a sinister plot orchestrated by the Assistant Mayor, Dawn Bellwether. The screenplay skillfully balances action, humor, and heartfelt character development, creating a compelling and entertaining story that resonates with audiences of all ages.


USP: The unique selling proposition of this screenplay lies in its ability to seamlessly blend action, humor, and heartfelt character development within a richly-realized world of anthropomorphic animals. The narrative tackles important social themes, such as prejudice and bias, while maintaining an engaging and entertaining story that appeals to a broad audience. The dynamic relationship between the two lead characters, Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde, drives the plot and emotional arc, creating a compelling piece of storytelling that stands out in the genre.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$75-100 million

Target Audience Demographics: Families, children, and young adults, particularly those who enjoy animated films with strong messages.

Marketability: The film's unique premise, relatable characters, and strong themes of diversity and acceptance resonate with a broad audience, making it highly marketable.

The combination of humor, action, and heartfelt moments appeals to both children and adults, enhancing its box office potential.

The film's vibrant animation and engaging storyline can attract viewers, but it may face competition from other animated features.

Profit Potential: Very high, given the film's appeal to families and the potential for merchandise sales, sequels, and international markets.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by a playful and witty tone, often blending humor and heartwarming moments with subtle social commentary. The dialogue is fast-paced and engaging, infused with clever wordplay and quirky humor. The narrative combines a lighthearted approach with deeper themes of prejudice, acceptance, and the importance of unity. The author's unique style is evident in the vibrant descriptions and engaging character interactions.

Best representation: Scene 4 - Judy's Zootopia Adventure Begins. This scene encapsulates the writer's unique voice by combining lighthearted humor with heartfelt emotion. The playful banter between Judy and her parents about fox repellent is both charming and endearing, highlighting the family's warmth and concern. The scene also uses humor to address the underlying theme of prejudice, with Stu's exaggerated fears of predators highlighting the societal anxieties that Judy must confront in Zootopia. The emotional farewell between Judy and her parents provides a powerful moment of transition, showcasing the mix of excitement and apprehension that accompanies Judy's journey to a new chapter in life.

Memorable Lines:

  • Judy: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. (Scene 4)
  • Nick: If the world’s only gonna see a fox as shifty and untrustworthy, there’s no point in trying to be anything else. (Scene 26)
  • Hopps: You are a clever bunny. (Scene 28)
  • Hopps: It means I... have a lead. (Scene 15)
  • Judy Hopps: Crazy neighbors... I love it! (Scene 5)
Characters

Judy Hopps:A determined and optimistic bunny who becomes Zootopia's first rabbit police officer.

Nick Wilde:A clever and cynical fox who becomes Judy's partner and helps her navigate the challenges of Zootopia.

Chief Bogo:The tough and skeptical chief of the Zootopia Police Department who initially doubts Judy's abilities.

Mayor Lionheart:The charismatic mayor of Zootopia who faces political challenges during the story.

Bellwether:The assistant mayor who has her own agenda and plays a key role in the story's conflict.

Story Shape
Summary In this screenplay, we follow the journey of Judy Hopps, a determined bunny with big dreams of becoming a police officer in the bustling city of Zootopia. Despite facing skepticism and challenges, Judy showcases her resilience and determination as she confronts bullies, overcomes grueling training exercises, and embarks on a daring quest to solve the mystery of missing mammals in the city. Alongside her unlikely partner, the sly fox Nick Wilde, Judy navigates through obstacles, prejudices, and personal conflicts to uncover a dangerous conspiracy, ultimately restoring harmony and unity in Zootopia. The screenplay is filled with humor, heartwarming moments, and thrilling adventures, culminating in Judy's inspiring journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and the importance of understanding and empathy in a diverse society.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay for "Zootopia" presents a compelling and engaging story about overcoming prejudice and embracing diversity. The central mystery of the missing mammals provides a strong throughline, driving the plot forward with a series of intriguing twists and turns. The character arc of Judy Hopps is particularly well-developed, showcasing her growth from a naive rookie to a skilled and compassionate police officer. Nick Wilde's journey from cynic to hero is also engaging, though the screenplay could benefit from more depth in his motivations and struggles. The screenplay's strengths include its fast-paced action, clever dialogue, and charming visuals. It does, however, rely too heavily on humor, sometimes at the expense of character development and emotional depth. The screenplay could also benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the themes of prejudice and inequality, allowing for a deeper examination of the social structures and biases within Zootopia.
Suggestions: To enhance the plot and story, the screenplay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the themes of prejudice and inequality. Expanding upon the societal structures and historical context that led to the segregation of predators and prey would provide a more complex and thought-provoking narrative. Additionally, the screenplay could explore the impact of these societal issues on individual characters, allowing for deeper emotional resonance. The development of subplots involving other characters, such as the otter family or the missing mammals, could also enrich the story, providing additional layers of conflict and resolution.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The beginning of "Zootopia" establishes a strong foundation for the story, introducing the main character, Judy Hopps, and her dream of becoming a police officer. The initial scenes effectively showcase her determination and resilience, as she overcomes obstacles and challenges to achieve her goals. The setting of Zootopia is well-developed, creating a vibrant and diverse world with a unique blend of humor and social commentary. However, the initial scenes lack a strong sense of urgency or conflict, as Judy's journey to the academy feels relatively straightforward. The screenplay could benefit from a more impactful introduction to the societal challenges and biases that will later drive the plot.
Suggestions: To enhance the beginning of the screenplay, consider introducing a more impactful conflict or challenge that forces Judy to confront the societal biases she will face in Zootopia. This could be a scene where she witnesses an act of prejudice or discrimination against another animal, highlighting the systemic issues that will drive the story. Additionally, consider exploring the history of Zootopia, revealing the origins of the separation between predators and prey and the impact it has on the characters.
Middle The middle portion of "Zootopia" excels at building suspense and tension through the missing mammal case. The dynamic between Judy and Nick is entertaining and engaging, showcasing their contrasting personalities and their growing trust in one another. The introduction of Mr. Big and the Arctic world adds a layer of intrigue and humor to the narrative. The middle portion could benefit from a more balanced pacing between the comedic and dramatic elements. The frequent reliance on humor to resolve conflict or advance the plot can feel repetitive and detract from the emotional impact of certain scenes. Additionally, the motivations of the antagonists, particularly Mayor Lionheart and Bellwether, could be developed further, adding more depth to the story's central conflict.
Suggestions: To improve the middle portion of the screenplay, consider balancing the comedic elements with more dramatic moments that allow the characters to explore their emotions and confront their internal struggles. The screenplay could benefit from a more gradual development of the relationship between Judy and Nick, showcasing the complexities of their partnership and the challenges they face in trusting one another. Additionally, the motivations and backstories of the antagonists could be explored in greater depth, providing a more compelling and nuanced understanding of their actions.
Ending The ending of "Zootopia" delivers a satisfying resolution to the central mystery, showcasing the triumph of justice and the importance of understanding and acceptance. The reveal of the night howlers and Bellwether's manipulative scheme provides a compelling climax. The final scenes effectively reinforce the themes of diversity and equality, highlighting the importance of collaboration and understanding. However, the climax could be made more impactful by further exploring the consequences of Bellwether's actions and the trauma experienced by the victims of her scheme. Additionally, the screenplay could provide a more detailed resolution to the individual character arcs, showcasing the long-term impact of their experiences and their continued journey towards growth and fulfillment.
Suggestions: To improve the ending of the screenplay, consider exploring the emotional fallout of the events in greater detail, highlighting the impact on the victims and the broader Zootopia community. The screenplay could also provide a more satisfying resolution to the individual character arcs, showcasing the long-term impact of their experiences and their continued commitment to justice and equality. Additionally, consider adding a scene that focuses on the healing process within Zootopia, showcasing the gradual integration of predators and prey and the rebuilding of trust and understanding.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - Bravery at the Carrot Days Festival Humorous, Inspiring, Defiant, Heartwarming 8 8 79 8 787887888 99888
2 - Against All Odds: Judy's Determination Intense, Humorous, Motivational 8 8 79 9 887988877 79888
3 - A Dream Realized: Judy's Graduation Day Triumphant, Inspiring, Joyful 9 8 99 8 898677879 79899
4 - A Bittersweet Departure Heartwarming, Humorous, Sentimental 8 7 89 8 787576879 79888
5 - Judy's Zootopia Adventure Begins Humorous, Optimistic, Quirky 8 7 79 8 687574776 79888
6 - First Day Jitters Humorous, Whimsical, Light-hearted 8 8 79 9 587574776 89888
7 - Underestimated Ambitions Humorous, Determined, Gruff 8 8 89 9 787887876 79888
8 - A Sweet Act of Kindness Humorous, Light-hearted, Sarcastic 8 8 79 9 787786876 89888
9 - A Sweet Moment at Jumbeaux's Cafe Humorous, Optimistic, Friendly 8 8 79 9 687574767 89888
10 - Pawpsicle Hustle Humorous, Sarcastic, Confrontational 8 9 79 9 787887886 99988
11 - A Disheartening Evening Humorous, Melancholic, Defeated 8 7 88 8 787.5685777 79888
12 - A Meter Maid's Resolve Humorous, Frantic, Determined 8 8 79 9 787776876 89888
13 - Donut Dash in Little Rodentia Humorous, Exciting, Light-hearted 8 8 79 8 789887886 79999
14 - A Desperate Plea Humorous, Serious, Dramatic 8 8 89 7 798889887 79999
15 - A Sweet Discovery Light-hearted, Intriguing, Humorous 8 8 79 7 687675875 89888
16 - Caught in the Act Humorous, Confrontational, Dramatic 8 8 79 9 789887886 99988
17 - Naked Truths at Mystic Spring Oasis Humorous, Light-hearted, Quirky 8 8 79 8 487.5584785 998.588
18 - Naked Truths at the Naturalist Club Humorous, Light-hearted, Quirky 8 8 79 9 487573774 89888
19 - Slothful Delays at the DMV Humorous, Frustrated, Light-hearted 8 8 79 8 598685886 99999
20 - DMV Dilemmas Humorous, Defiant, Sarcastic 8 8 89 9 787777976 99888
21 - Confrontation at Mr. Big's Car Suspenseful, Humorous, Tense 8 8 89 7 689888986 99999
22 - A Close Call with Mr. Big Humorous, Tense, Sarcastic 9 9 99 9 789888987 99999
23 - A Wedding with a Dark Twist Humorous, Suspenseful, Informative 8 8 79 8 687777876 79888
24 - Savage Encounter in the Rainforest Suspenseful, Humorous, Intense 9 8 99 8 787989988 79988
25 - Determined to Investigate Humorous, Tense, Dramatic 9 9 89 8 887988987 99988
26 - A Gondola of Memories Humorous, Reflective, Emotional 8 8 79 9 787675788 89888
27 - Uncovering the Truth Humorous, Suspenseful, Informative 9 8 99 9 787878977 89888
28 - Clever Disguise at Cliffside Asylum Humorous, Tense, Exciting 8 8 89 7 689787876 79888
29 - Escape from the Asylum Tense, Humorous, Suspenseful 9 9 99 8 787989987 89988
30 - Trust Fractured Humorous, Tense, Confrontational 8 8 79 9 887888989 89988
31 - Divided Zootopia: A Call for Unity Serious, Hopeful, Tense 8 8 79 8 798788878 79999
32 - A Shift in the ZPD Heartfelt, Humorous, Suspenseful 8 7 89 9 887877978 89888
33 - A Hero's Resignation Serious, Reflective, Resigned 8 8 79 9 887686779 79888
34 - A Breakthrough at the Vegetable Stand Reflective, Informative, Light-hearted 8 9 89 8 887675789 79988
35 - Reconciliation Under the Bridge Emotional, Reflective, Apologetic, Light-hearted 9 8 99 9 898677879 89888
36 - Confronting Duke Weaselton Light-hearted, Suspenseful, Confrontational 8 8 89 9 787888977 89888
37 - Night Howler Heist Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 9 98 8 898989987 89999
38 - Train Trouble: A Chaotic Escape Tense, Exciting, Humorous, Dramatic 9 9 89 9 789989988 89988
39 - The Museum Showdown Tense, Dramatic, Suspenseful, Confrontational, Triumphant 9 9 99 9 998989989 99999
40 - A New Dawn for Zootopia Hopeful, Reflective, Inspirational, Reassuring 9 9 89 9 798475778 89899
41 - A New Chapter: Badge and Banter Inspiring, Light-hearted, Playful 8 8 79 9 789685886 89999
42 - The Slow Chase Humorous, Light-hearted, Action-packed 8 8 79 8 787879876 79988


Scene 1 - Bravery at the Carrot Days Festival
EXT. CARROT DAYS FESTIVAL - LATER THAT DAY

A festival replete with food booths, games and rides-- all
aggressively carrot-themed. Judy, in her Cop Costume, bounces
along with her folks. We catch their conversation mid-stream.

STU HOPPS
Judy, you ever wonder how your mom
and me got to be so darn happy?

YOUNG JUDY
Nope.

STU HOPPS
Well, we gave up on our dreams and
we settled, right Bon?

BONNIE HOPPS
Oh yes, that’s right, Stu. We
settled hard.
4.


STU HOPPS
See, that’s the beauty of
complacency, Jude. If you don’t try
anything new, you’ll never fail.

YOUNG JUDY
I like trying, actually.

BONNIE HOPPS
What your father means, hon, is
it’s gonna be difficult--
impossible even-- for you to become
a police officer.

STU HOPPS
Right. There’s never been a bunny
cop.

BONNIE HOPPS
No.

STU HOPPS
Bunnies don’t do that.

BONNIE HOPPS
Never.

STU HOPPS
Never.

YOUNG JUDY
Oh. Then I guess I’ll have to be
the first one. Because I am gonna
make the world...
(parkours against a
vendor’s stand)
A better place!

STU HOPPS
OR... um, heck, you wanna talk
about making the world a better
place--

The trio arrives at the Hopps Family Farm carrot booth, which
is manned by too many children to count.

STU HOPPS (CONT’D)
--no better way to do it than
becoming a carrot farmer.

BONNIE HOPPS
Yes! Your dad, me, your 275
brothers and sisters-- we’re
changing the world.
5.


STU HOPPS
Yep.

BONNIE HOPPS
One carrot at a time...

STU HOPPS
Amen to that. Carrot farming is a
noble profession.

Judy spots GIDEON GREY stalking some SMALL ANIMALS. She
remains fixed on Gideon as Stu and Bonnie yap on obliviously.

BONNIE HOPPS (O.S.)
Mmm hmm. Just putting the seeds in
the ground.

STU HOPPS (O.S.)
Ahh, at one with the soil.

We’re back on Bonnie and Stu’s conversation now.

BONNIE HOPPS
You get it. I mean, it’s great to
have dreams.

STU HOPPS
Yeah, just as long as you don’t
believe in em too much.
(finally noticing Judy’s
absence)
Where in the heck’d she go?

ACROSS THE FAIR... From behind a tree, Judy watches as Gideon
Grey intimidates the astronaut sheep, SHARLA.

GIDEON GREY
Gimme your tickets right now, or
I’m gonna kick your meek little
sheep butt.

SHARLA
Ow! Cut it out, Gideon!

GIDEON GREY
Baa-baa. What’re ya gonna do, cry?

Gideon swipes Sharla’s fair tickets.

YOUNG JUDY (O.S.)
Hey!

Judy charges toward the danger.
6.


YOUNG JUDY (CONT’D)
You heard her. Cut it out.

Gideon turns. There’s Judy, projecting the image of a tiny
Clint Eastwood.

GIDEON GREY
Nice costume, loser. What crazy
world are you living in where you
think a bunny could be a cop?

YOUNG JUDY
Kindly return my friends’ tickets.

Gideon pats the tickets in his pocket.

GIDEON GREY
Come and get ‘em.... But watch out,
‘cause I’m a fox-- and like you
said in your dumb little stage
play, us predators used to eat
prey. And that killer instinct’s
still in our Dunnahh.

TRAVIS THE WOLF HENCHMAN KID
(sotto, to Gideon)
Uh, I’m pretty much sure it’s
pronounced D-N-A.

GIDEON GREY
Don’t tell me what I know, Travis.

YOUNG JUDY
You don’t scare me, Gideon.

Gideon shoves Judy. Hard. She falls. The other prey animals
flee to safety behind a nearby tree, leaving her to face the
thugs alone.

GIDEON GREY
You scared now?

Judy starts to tear up. Her nose starts to twitch.

TRAVIS THE WOLF HENCHMAN KID
Lookit her nose twitch. She is
scared!

GIDEON GREY
Cry little baby bunny. Cry, cry --

Suddenly-- BAM! Judy kicks Gideon in the face with her hind
legs. He stumbles back, then checks his lip for blood.
7.


GIDEON GREY (CONT’D)
Oh, you don’t know when to quit, do
ya?

He unsheathes his claws like a switchblade, then slaps her,
drawing blood from her cheek. She cowers, as do her scared
friends behind the tree.

GIDEON GREY (CONT’D)
I want you to remember this moment--
the next time you think you will
ever be anything more than just a
stupid, carrot farming dumb bunny.

Gideon and his pal head off, laughing and high-fiving. The
prey animals run back over to Judy, who wipes the blood from
her cheek. She fights tears, defeated.

GARETH THE DOUBTING SHEEP BOY
That looks bad.

SHARLA
Are you okay, Judy?

YOUNG JUDY
Yeah... Yeah, I’m okay.

Judy smiles and then whips out the tickets as she gets up.

YOUNG JUDY (CONT’D)
Here you go.

SHARLA
Wow! You got our tickets!

GARETH THE DOUBTING SHEEP BOY
You’re awesome, Judy!

SHARLA
Yeah! That Gideon Grey doesn’t know
what he’s talkin’ ‘bout.

YOUNG JUDY
Well, he was right about one
thing...

Judy picks up the cop hat, puts it on her head.

YOUNG JUDY (CONT’D)
I don’t know when to quit.

CUT TO:
8.
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary At the Carrot Days Festival, Judy Hopps, dressed as a cop, faces skepticism from her parents about her dream of becoming a police officer. When she witnesses Gideon Grey bullying a sheep, Judy bravely confronts him despite feeling intimidated. After a struggle, she retrieves the stolen tickets for her friends, showcasing her determination and resilience. The scene captures the tension between familial expectations and personal ambition, culminating in Judy's symbolic embrace of her dream.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Clear conflict and stakes
  • Well-defined characters
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the dialogue
  • Slightly predictable plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the main character's goal and establishes conflict, while also showcasing themes of resilience and bravery. The dialogue is engaging and the emotional impact is strong.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a bunny wanting to become a police officer in a world where it's unheard of is unique and intriguing. The scene introduces this concept effectively and sets up the central conflict.

Plot: 7

The plot is well-developed, with clear progression and conflict. It sets up the challenges the protagonist will face in pursuing her dream and establishes the stakes effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the underdog protagonist theme, with a unique setting and character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations. The protagonist's determination and bravery are highlighted, while the antagonist's bullying behavior adds depth to the conflict.

Character Changes: 7

The protagonist undergoes a subtle change from initial excitement to facing adversity, but ultimately shows resilience and determination. This sets up potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Judy's internal goal is to prove herself and pursue her dream of becoming a police officer, despite the doubts and discouragement from her parents.

External Goal: 7

Judy's external goal is to stand up to Gideon Grey and protect her friends from his intimidation and bullying.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the protagonist and the antagonist is well-established and drives the scene forward. It creates tension and sets up the challenges the protagonist will face.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Gideon Grey posing a significant threat to Judy and her friends, creating a sense of danger and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for the protagonist, as she faces ridicule and physical harm in pursuing her dream. The scene sets up the challenges she will need to overcome, adding tension and urgency.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the protagonist's goal, introducing conflict, and setting up future challenges. It propels the narrative and engages the audience.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turn of events, where Judy stands up to Gideon despite the odds against her.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the conversation between Judy's parents, who advocate for settling and complacency, while Judy believes in trying new things and pursuing her dreams.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly in the protagonist's moment of defeat and subsequent resilience. It engages the audience and creates a connection with the characters.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging, with a good mix of humor, emotion, and conflict. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension, emotional stakes, and the protagonist's determination to overcome obstacles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between Judy and Gideon.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene aligns with the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Judy and her parents effectively establishes the theme of dreams versus reality, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. The parents' dismissive attitude feels somewhat one-dimensional; adding a moment of vulnerability or a personal anecdote could enhance their characterization and make their concerns more relatable.
  • Judy's confrontation with Gideon Grey is a pivotal moment that showcases her bravery, but the transition from her parents' conversation to the confrontation feels abrupt. A smoother segue could help maintain the scene's flow and build tension leading up to the conflict.
  • The physicality of the confrontation with Gideon is well-executed, but the stakes could be raised further. For instance, showing the reactions of other festival-goers could amplify the sense of danger and isolation Judy feels during the encounter.
  • The dialogue with Gideon is clever, but it leans heavily on exposition. Instead of having Gideon explicitly state his predatory instincts, consider showing this through his actions or body language, which would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Judy's determination, but it could be enhanced by a more pronounced emotional arc. Instead of simply smiling after the confrontation, Judy could have a moment of reflection or a brief internal struggle that highlights her resilience.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate a moment where Judy's parents reveal their own dreams or regrets, adding complexity to their characters and making their advice more impactful.
  • Create a more gradual transition from the family conversation to the confrontation with Gideon, perhaps by having Judy's gaze linger on Gideon before she intervenes, building anticipation.
  • Include reactions from bystanders during the confrontation to heighten the tension and illustrate the social dynamics at play in Zootopia.
  • Show Gideon's predatory nature through his actions rather than dialogue, allowing the audience to infer his character traits and motivations.
  • Add a moment of introspection for Judy after the fight, where she reflects on her aspirations and the challenges she faces, reinforcing her determination and emotional depth.



Scene 2 - Against All Odds: Judy's Determination
EXT. POLICE ACADEMY TRAINING FACILITY - DAY

Hopps and the comparatively huge CADETS sit in a circle as
MAJOR FRIEDKIN, an intimidating drill instructor, lectures.

MAJOR FRIEDKIN
Listen up Cadets! Zootopia has 12
unique ecosystems within its city
limits-- Tundra Town, Sahara
Square, Rainforest District, to
name a few. You’re gonna have to
master all of them before you hit
the streets-- or guess what?
(to Hopps)
You’ll be dead!

IN SAHARA SQUARE SIMULATOR:

Hopps struggles through the sand.

MAJOR FRIEDKIN(CONT’D)
Scorching sandstorm. You’re dead,
bunny bumpkin!

ON THE VINE-COVERED MONKEY BARS:

Hopps swings across the bars, simulating the RAINFOREST
DISTRICT. She falls off, landing face first in the mud.

MAJOR FRIEDKIN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
1000 foot fall. You’re dead, carrot
face!

TUNDRA TOWN ICE WALL:

Judy and the cadets sprint toward the wall. The CLAWED
ANIMALS dig into the ice wall. Hopps slides off.

MAJOR FRIEDKIN (CONT’D)
Frigid ice wall. You’re dead, farm
girl!

IN THE BOXING RING:

Hopps gets in the ring with a BIG BISON.

MAJOR FRIEDKIN (CONT’D)
E-normous criminal.

Hopps gets punched in the nose.

MAJOR FRIEDKIN (CONT’D)
You’re dead!
9.


THREE QUICK CUTS OF FAILURE:

MAJOR FRIEDKIN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Dead! / Dead! / Dead!

IN THE TOILET:

Hopps ruses into a stall. The toilet is considerably larger
than she is. She shuts the door. We see her climb up the
toilet. In the next stall, we see the feet of a Hippo.

Then, KERSPLASH! Hopps falls into the toilet.

MAJOR FRIEDKIN (CONT’D)
Filthy toilet. You’re dead, fluff
butt!

HOPPS ON HER OWN--

She runs at sunset-- after everyone else has called it a day.
We HEAR the drill instructor’s voice echoing in her mind.

MAJOR FRIEDKIN (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Just quit and go home, fuzzy bunny!

Then those of her parents...

STU HOPPS (V.O.)
There’s never been a bunny cop.

BONNIE HOPPS (V.O.)
Never.

STU HOPPS (V.O.)
Never.

Then Gideon’s...

GIDEON GREY (V.O.)
Just a stupid, carrot farming dumb
bunny.


OVERNIGHT, IN THE BARRACKS:

Hopps stays up late studying, doing sit ups.

ON THE ICE WALL:

Hopps bounds up the wall, jumps off of the backs of the big
animals and makes it over, impressing the Major Friedkin.

IN THE RING:
10.


Hopps dodges a few swings. The Bison misses. Hopps bounds
over him and uses his momentum-- kicking his other hand into
his face, knocking him down.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary In this scene, Judy Hopps, a small bunny, faces a series of grueling training simulations at the Police Academy, overseen by the tough Major Friedkin. Despite struggling through various challenges in different ecosystems, including a sandstorm and boxing a bison, Judy experiences repeated failures and harsh criticism. However, her resilience shines through as she studies late into the night, ultimately succeeding in her training exercises and impressing Major Friedkin, showcasing her determination to become a police officer.
Strengths
  • Character development
  • Action sequences
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched training scenarios

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, well-paced, and effectively showcases Judy's character development and growth. The mix of action, humor, and motivation keeps the audience invested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Judy undergoing rigorous police training to achieve her dream of becoming a police officer is compelling and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 7

The plot of Judy facing various challenges during her training adds depth to her character and sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique challenges for the protagonist within the world of Zootopia, showcasing original situations and character dynamics. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Judy Hopps, are well-developed and their growth and determination are effectively portrayed throughout the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Judy undergoes significant growth and development as she overcomes obstacles and proves her capabilities, showcasing her transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove herself as a capable police officer despite the doubts and criticisms she faces from others. This reflects her deeper desire for acceptance and validation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully complete the training exercises and impress Major Friedkin. This reflects the immediate challenge she's facing in proving her abilities as a police officer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high as Judy faces physical and mental challenges during her training, adding tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Major Friedkin's harsh criticism and the challenging training exercises creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Judy's dream of becoming a police officer is on the line, and her determination to succeed is tested.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing Judy's training challenges and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected challenges the protagonist faces and the twists in her training exercises.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the protagonist's struggle against societal expectations and stereotypes. Major Friedkin's harsh criticism challenges her beliefs and values, pushing her to prove herself.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of determination, defiance, and resilience, connecting the audience to Judy's journey.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is impactful and highlights the challenges and motivations of the characters, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, humor, and character development. The audience is invested in the protagonist's journey and rooting for her success.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing action sequences with moments of reflection, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's progress.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for an animated screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a training montage in an animated film, with clear progression and development of the protagonist's skills.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Judy's struggle and determination, showcasing her resilience against the odds. However, the repetitive nature of her failures could be streamlined to maintain pacing and avoid redundancy. Each failure should ideally contribute something new to her character development or the overall narrative.
  • The dialogue from Major Friedkin is humorous and serves to highlight Judy's challenges, but it could benefit from more variety. Instead of simply repeating 'You’re dead!' after each failure, consider incorporating more specific commentary that reflects the nature of each challenge, which would add depth to Friedkin's character and make the training more engaging.
  • The transitions between different training simulations are visually interesting, but they could be enhanced with more emotional stakes. For instance, showing Judy's internal thoughts or feelings during these moments could deepen the audience's connection to her struggles.
  • The use of voiceovers from Judy's parents and Gideon adds a nice layer of internal conflict, but it might be more impactful if these voices were interspersed throughout the training montage rather than saved for the end. This would create a more immediate sense of pressure and motivation for Judy as she faces each challenge.
  • The comedic elements, such as Judy falling into the toilet, provide levity but could risk undermining the seriousness of her journey. Balancing humor with the gravity of her aspirations is crucial to maintaining the audience's investment in her character.
Suggestions
  • Consider condensing the training failures to focus on a few key moments that highlight Judy's growth, rather than showing every single failure. This will keep the audience engaged and allow for a more impactful character arc.
  • Enhance Major Friedkin's dialogue to include more specific critiques or humorous remarks that reflect the nature of each challenge, rather than just repeating 'You’re dead!' This will add depth to his character and make the training feel more dynamic.
  • Incorporate Judy's internal thoughts or feelings during the training sequences to provide insight into her emotional state and motivations, making her struggles more relatable to the audience.
  • Interweave the voiceovers from Judy's parents and Gideon throughout the training montage to create a sense of ongoing pressure and motivation, rather than saving them for a climactic moment at the end.
  • Balance the comedic elements with the seriousness of Judy's journey by ensuring that humor does not overshadow her determination and the challenges she faces. This will help maintain the audience's investment in her character.



Scene 3 - A Dream Realized: Judy's Graduation Day
EXT. POLICE ACADEMY - DAY

It’s graduation day. MAYOR LIONHEART is at the podium.

LIONHEART
As Mayor of Zootopia, I am proud to
announce that my Mammal Inclusion
Initiative has produced its first
police academy graduate.

Judy stands proudly in her cop uniform.

LIONHEART (CONT’D)
Valedictorian of her class, ZPD’s
very first rabbit officer... Judy
Hopps.

Judy walks to the stage as those in attendance cheer-- her
FAMILY chief among them. ASSISTANT MAYOR BELLWETHER applauds.
She smiles at Judy, lost in the moment.

LIONHEART (CONT’D)
(clearing his throat)
Assistant Mayor Bellwether? Her
badge.

BELLWETHER
Oh! Yes right.

LIONHEART
Thank you.

Bellwether steps forward to pin Hopps’ ZPD badge on her.

LIONHEART (CONT’D)
Judy, it is my great privilege to
officially assign you to the heart
of Zootopia: Precinct One, City
Center.

Judy can barely contain her glee. Her parents are in shock.

BELLWETHER
Congratulations, Officer Hopps.
11.


JUDY
I won’t let you down. This has been
my dream since I was a kid.

BELLWETHER
Ya know, it’s a... It’s a real
proud day for us little guys.

LIONHEART
Bellwether, make room will ya? Come
on.

Lionheart shoves Bellwether out of the way.

LIONHEART (CONT’D)
Okay, Officer Hopps. Let’s see
those teeth!

A group of PHOTOGRAPHERS aim their cameras. Lionheart steps
in front of Bellwether, edging her out of the photo. The
flashbulbs pop.
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary On graduation day at the police academy, Mayor Lionheart proudly announces Judy Hopps as the valedictorian and Zootopia's first rabbit police officer. Amid cheers from her family and the audience, Judy receives her badge from Assistant Mayor Bellwether and is assigned to Precinct One. The scene is filled with celebration and pride, despite a brief moment of competition for the spotlight between Lionheart and Bellwether. Judy expresses her determination to fulfill her dream, culminating in a joyful photo opportunity that captures her significant achievement.
Strengths
  • Emotional resonance
  • Character development
  • Theme exploration
Weaknesses
  • Limited focus on supporting characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is a pivotal moment in Judy's journey, filled with emotional resonance and a sense of achievement. It effectively sets up her future adventures as a police officer.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a small rabbit breaking barriers and becoming a police officer in a diverse city like Zootopia is innovative and engaging.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly as Judy achieves her dream of becoming an officer, setting the stage for future conflicts and adventures.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on societal issues through the lens of anthropomorphic animals, creating a unique and engaging narrative. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Judy's character development is well portrayed, showcasing her determination and resilience. Other characters like Mayor Lionheart and Assistant Mayor Bellwether add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Judy undergoes a significant change from a determined cadet to a proud police officer, showcasing her growth and resilience.

Internal Goal: 9

Judy's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself and fulfill her lifelong dream of becoming a police officer. This reflects her deeper need for validation, acceptance, and to break stereotypes about her species.

External Goal: 8

Judy's external goal is to start her career as a police officer in Precinct One, City Center. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in adapting to her new role and responsibilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a conflict in terms of Judy overcoming obstacles to graduate, it is resolved in a positive and uplifting manner.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from societal expectations and stereotypes, creating a challenge for Judy to prove herself as a capable police officer.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Judy as she defies expectations and achieves her dream of becoming an officer, setting the tone for her future adventures.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by establishing Judy as a police officer and hinting at future challenges she may face in her new role.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected character interactions and challenges stereotypes, keeping the audience intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between stereotypes and individual merit. Judy's achievement challenges the belief that certain species are more suited for specific roles, highlighting the importance of equality and opportunity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of pride, joy, and hope, making it a memorable moment in Judy's journey.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying emotions and motivations, especially during Judy's interaction with the Mayor and Assistant Mayor.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it celebrates a significant milestone for the protagonist, with a mix of humor, emotion, and tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension and excitement, leading to a satisfying resolution with Judy's assignment to Precinct One.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a graduation ceremony in a screenplay, with clear character introductions, dialogue, and visual descriptions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the celebratory atmosphere of graduation day, which is essential for showcasing Judy's achievement. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect the excitement of the moment. The Mayor's speech feels somewhat generic and could benefit from more personal anecdotes or humor to engage the audience.
  • Judy's character shines through her determination and pride, but the emotional stakes could be heightened. The reactions of her family, particularly her parents, could be explored further to show their conflicting emotions of pride and concern, adding depth to the scene.
  • The interaction between Lionheart and Bellwether is amusing, but it could be more impactful if it highlighted the underlying tension or competition between them. This would add layers to their characters and make the scene more engaging.
  • The visual elements, such as the photographers and the crowd, are a good touch, but the scene could benefit from more descriptive imagery to paint a vivid picture of the graduation ceremony. This would help the audience feel more immersed in the moment.
  • The scene ends abruptly after the photo opportunity. A brief moment of reflection from Judy or a transition to her next steps could provide a smoother narrative flow and give the audience a sense of what this achievement means for her future.
Suggestions
  • Revise Mayor Lionheart's speech to include a personal story or humorous anecdote about Judy to make it more engaging and memorable.
  • Explore Judy's family's reactions in more detail, perhaps through a brief exchange of dialogue that highlights their pride and concern, adding emotional depth to the scene.
  • Enhance the interaction between Lionheart and Bellwether to emphasize their dynamic, possibly by including a witty exchange that hints at their rivalry or differing views on inclusion.
  • Add more descriptive visual elements to the scene, such as the decorations, the crowd's energy, and Judy's physical reactions, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Judy after receiving her badge, perhaps a brief internal monologue or a conversation with her family, to provide closure and set the stage for her next challenges.



Scene 4 - A Bittersweet Departure
EXT. BUNNYBURROW TRAIN STATION - DAY

Stu, Bonnie, and several SIBLINGS accompany Judy to the train
station.

BONNIE HOPPS
We’re real proud of you, Judy.

STU HOPPS
Yeah. Scared, too.

BONNIE HOPPS
Yes.

STU HOPPS
Really, it’s kind of a proud-scared
combo. I mean, Zootopia. It’s so
far a away... It’s such a big city.

JUDY
Guys-- I’ve been working for this
my whole life.

BONNIE HOPPS
We know. And we’re just a little
excited for you, but terrified.

JUDY
The only thing we have to fear is
fear itself.
12.


STU HOPPS
And also bears. We have bears to
fear, too. To say nothing of lions,
and wolves...

BONNIE HOPPS
Wolves?

STU HOPPS
...weasels...

BONNIE HOPPS
You play cribbage with a weasel.

STU HOPPS
And he cheats like there’s no
tomorrow. You know what, pretty
much all predators-- and Zootopia’s
full of ‘em.

BONNIE HOPPS
(scolding)
Oh, Stu.

STU HOPPS
And foxes are the worst.

BONNIE HOPPS
(retreating)
Actually, your father does have a
point there. It’s in their biology.
Remember what happened with Gideon
Grey.

JUDY
When I was 9. Gideon Grey was a
jerk, who happened to be a fox. I
know plenty of bunnies who are
jerks.

STU HOPPS
Sure. Yeah, we all do. Absolutely.
But just in case, we made you a
little care package to take with
you.

BONNIE HOPPS
And I put some snacks in there.

Stu begins pulling a bunch of PINK FOX DETERRENTS from a bag.

STU HOPPS
This is fox deterrent.
13.


BONNIE HOPPS
Yeah that’s safe to have there.

STU HOPPS
This is fox repellent...

BONNIE HOPPS
Okay, the deterrent and the
repellent. That’s all she needs.

STU HOPPS
Check this out!

Stu removes a Fox Taser, fires it up. It sizzles.

BONNIE HOPPS
Oh for goodness sake. She has no
need for a fox taser, Stu.

STU HOPPS
Oh c’mon. When is there not a need
for a fox taser?

JUDY
Okay, look-- I will take this to
make you stop talking.

Judy grabs the pink fox repellent from the bag as the train
pulls up.

STU HOPPS
Terrific! Everyone wins!

TRAIN CONDUCTOR
Arriving-- Zootopia Express!

JUDY
OK. Gotta go. Bye!

Judy heads for the train, head held high. No turning back.

Stu and Bonnie watch, both holding back tears. Suddenly, the
emotion catches up with Judy. She turns, runs back to her
parents, hugs them tight.

JUDY (CONT’D)
I love you guys.

BONNIE HOPPS
Love you, too!

One more squeeze, then Judy runs off and jumps on the train.
14.


STU HOPPS
Oh cripes, here come the
waterworks.

BONNIE HOPPS
Oh Stu, pull it together.

JUDY
Bye everybody!

COTTON
Bye, Judy! I love you!

CROWD OF BUNNIES
Bye!

As the train pulls away, her family runs next to it, waving.

JUDY
Bye!

Judy looks back as their faces recede into the distance. The
train blasts past Bunnyburrow, passing its exponentially
increasing population sign.

Judy pulls out her iPhone and clicks play... her new life is
about to begin and we

CUT TO:


A MONTAGE --

As Hopps takes the train, it rounds a curve. She looks up.
Her eyes light up. There in the distance is...
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary At the Bunnyburrow train station, Judy Hopps prepares to leave for Zootopia, eliciting a mix of pride and fear from her parents, Stu and Bonnie. They humorously express their concerns about predators, leading to lighthearted banter about fox deterrents. As the train arrives, Judy shares an emotional farewell with her parents, who wave goodbye as she embarks on her new adventure, symbolizing her transition to a new chapter in life.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of intense conflict
  • Predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Judy leaving her family while infusing humor through the interactions with her parents.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Judy leaving her family to pursue her dreams is a relatable and engaging storyline that resonates with the audience.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Judy departs for Zootopia, setting the stage for her new life as a police officer in the big city.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of prejudice and stereotypes by using anthropomorphic animals and humor to address serious issues. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Judy and her parents, are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed effectively, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Judy undergoes a significant change as she leaves her family behind to pursue her dreams, showcasing her growth and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

Judy's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself and pursue her dreams of becoming a police officer in Zootopia. This reflects her deeper desire for independence, success, and breaking stereotypes.

External Goal: 7

Judy's external goal in this scene is to catch the train to Zootopia and start her new life as a police officer. This reflects the immediate circumstances of leaving her family and hometown behind.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is some conflict in the form of Judy's parents' worries and fears, the scene is more focused on emotional moments rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, particularly in Judy's interactions with her family and their fears about predators. The audience is left wondering how Judy will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the emotional weight of Judy leaving her family adds a sense of importance to her journey.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by transitioning Judy from her hometown to Zootopia, setting the stage for her new adventures as a police officer.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and emotional depth, as well as the twist of Judy's family providing her with fox deterrents. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the fear and prejudice towards predators, particularly foxes. This challenges Judy's beliefs in equality and fairness, as well as her ability to overcome stereotypes.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact as Judy says goodbye to her family, evoking feelings of pride, anxiety, and nostalgia.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Judy and her parents is both humorous and heartfelt, reflecting their relationships and adding to the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional family moments, humor, and the anticipation of Judy's journey to Zootopia. The audience is invested in Judy's character and her future.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments with humor and moving the story forward at a steady pace. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional complexity of Judy's departure, balancing humor and heartfelt moments. However, the dialogue can feel a bit repetitive, particularly in the parents' concerns about predators. While it establishes their protective nature, it could be streamlined to maintain pacing and avoid redundancy.
  • The comedic elements, such as the fox deterrents and the fox taser, are amusing and add levity to the scene. However, they risk overshadowing the emotional weight of Judy's farewell. It might be beneficial to ensure that the humor complements rather than distracts from the more poignant moments.
  • Judy's character is well-established as determined and brave, but the scene could delve deeper into her internal conflict about leaving home. Adding a moment of reflection or hesitation could enhance her character development and make her eventual decision to board the train more impactful.
  • The physical actions, such as Judy running back to hug her parents, are visually strong and convey emotion effectively. However, the pacing could be improved by varying the rhythm of the dialogue and actions to create a more dynamic flow, especially during the farewell.
  • The scene concludes with Judy's excitement about her new life, which is a nice transition. However, the montage that follows could be better foreshadowed or connected to her emotional state at the train station, creating a smoother narrative flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue between Stu and Bonnie to reduce redundancy while still conveying their protective instincts. This could help maintain the scene's pacing.
  • Balance the comedic elements with the emotional stakes by ensuring that the humor does not detract from Judy's farewell. Perhaps limit the number of jokes about predators to one or two key moments.
  • Incorporate a brief moment of Judy's internal reflection before she boards the train, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with her feelings about leaving home.
  • Vary the pacing of the dialogue and actions to create a more dynamic rhythm, especially during the emotional farewell. This could involve shorter, more impactful exchanges.
  • Ensure that the montage that follows Judy's departure is thematically linked to her emotional journey, perhaps by showing her excitement juxtaposed with moments of doubt or nostalgia.



Scene 5 - Judy's Zootopia Adventure Begins
EXT. ZOOTOPIA CITY - ESTABLISHING

...THE UNBELIEVABLE ANIMAL METROPOLIS of ZOOTOPIA, which is
comprised of amazing habitat “boroughs.” The train whips past
TUNDRATOWN, SAVANNA CENTRAL, RAINFOREST DISTRICT,
MEADOWLANDS, SAHARA SQUARE, etc.


INT. ZOOTOPIA CENTRAL STATION - A LITTLE LATER

Hopps spills out of the train... and we are now in a MULTI-
SCALE ENVIRONMENT: everything from mice to elephants.
15.


EXT. DOWNTOWN ZOOTOPIA - A LITTLE LATER

Hopps emerges into the main Zootopia central plaza. It’s an
amazing, magnificent place.

A JUMBOTRON featuring a gazelle pop star, GAZELLE, blares its
message in a loop.

GAZELLE
I am Gazelle. Welcome to Zootopia!

CUT TO:


INT. HOPPS’S APARTMENT BUILDING, HALLWAY - DAY

DHARMA ARMADILLO, Hopps’s older ARMADILLO LANDLADY, opens the
door to Hopps’ new apartment-- which we can’t see yet.

DHARMA ARMADILLO
And welcome to the Grand Pangolin
Arms. “Luxury Apartments with
Charm.”

Hopps discovers the room is a tiny, crappy studio apartment.

DHARMA ARMADILLO (CONT’D)
Complimentary de-lousing once a
month.
(handing over the keys)
Don’t lose your key.

HOPPS
Thank you!

As Dharma leaves, Hopps’ volatile, artsy NEIGHBORS, KUDU and
ORYX POOTOSSER, pass by in the hall.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Oh hi, I’m Judy! Your new neighbor!

KUDU POOTOSSER
Yeah? Well we’re loud.

ORYX POOTOSSER
Don’t expect us to apologize for
it.

Before Hopps can respond, they’re gone, leaving Hopps alone.
She looks around... blank-faced so it’s tough to read her
emotions.

HOPPS
Greasy walls... rickety bed...
16.


KUDU POOTOSSER (O.S.)
Shut up!

ORYX POOTOSSER (O.S.)
You shut up!

KUDU POOTOSSER (O.S.)
No! You shut up!

HOPPS
Crazy neighbors...
(big smile as she flops on
the bed)
I love it!

As the shouting continues, she stretches out on her bed,
exhausted but overjoyed.


WAKE UP MONTAGE - MORNING

Quick, rhythmic cuts of:

- Alarm clock: Beep. Beep. Beep.

- Dressing: Vest. Badge. Belt.

On the bedside table sits the PINK FOX REPELLENT. Judy
glances at it and smirks-- taking it would be silly-- she
walks out of frame. HOLD on the table. One second. Then
Judy’s hand comes back into frame and grabs the Repellent.
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary Judy Hopps arrives in the bustling city of Zootopia, excited yet surprised by her small apartment and noisy neighbors, Kudu and Oryx Pootosser. Despite the chaotic environment, she maintains her optimism and embraces her new life. The scene features a humorous morning montage of Judy preparing for her day, ending with her quirky decision to take pink fox repellent, showcasing her readiness to tackle the challenges ahead.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Vibrant setting
  • Engaging characters
Weaknesses
  • Low stakes
  • Lack of deep emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets the tone for the rest of the story, showcasing the humor and optimism of the protagonist while introducing the audience to the unique world of Zootopia.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a small-town bunny navigating life in a bustling metropolis filled with anthropomorphic animals is engaging and sets the stage for potential conflicts and character growth.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward as Judy settles into her new apartment and begins her journey as a police officer in Zootopia, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and imaginative world of anthropomorphic animals, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel relatable and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Judy's optimistic and determined personality shines through in this scene, while her quirky neighbors add humor and depth to the story.

Character Changes: 6

Judy's character undergoes a subtle change as she embraces the challenges and quirks of her new environment, showing growth and adaptability.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to adapt to her new living situation and surroundings, showcasing her resilience and positive attitude in the face of challenges.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to settle into her new apartment and neighborhood, despite the initial challenges and eccentric neighbors she encounters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is some conflict with Judy's eccentric neighbors, it is mostly lighthearted and serves to add humor to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and obstacles for the protagonist, adding depth to the narrative and keeping the audience invested in her journey.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on introducing the setting and characters rather than high-stakes conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing Judy's new life in Zootopia and setting the stage for future events and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions with the eccentric neighbors and the protagonist's surprising reactions to her new living situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's optimistic outlook contrasting with the negative attitudes of her neighbors, highlighting themes of perseverance and positivity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of excitement and anticipation as Judy begins her new life in Zootopia, but the emotional impact is not deeply profound.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and humorous, reflecting the personalities of the characters and setting the tone for the interactions to come.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces intriguing characters, sets up conflicts, and showcases the protagonist's personality in a lively and entertaining manner.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story forward at a brisk pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively establishing the setting, introducing the protagonist, and setting up future conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Judy's arrival in Zootopia, showcasing the vibrant and diverse environment. However, the transition from the train to the apartment could benefit from more emotional depth. While Judy's excitement is evident, her feelings of isolation or apprehension about her new life could be explored further to create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • The introduction of Dharma Armadillo as the landlady is humorous, but her character could be fleshed out a bit more. Adding a quirky trait or a memorable line could make her more memorable and enhance the comedic tone of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Judy and her neighbors, Kudu and Oryx Pootosser, is amusing but feels somewhat one-dimensional. Their introduction could be more impactful if they had a unique quirk or a specific reason for their loudness that ties into the overall theme of Zootopia's diversity.
  • The montage of Judy preparing for her day is a nice touch, but it could be more visually dynamic. Incorporating more varied shots or actions that reflect her personality and excitement about being a police officer would enhance the energy of the scene.
  • The ending with Judy taking the pink fox repellent is a humorous moment, but it could be strengthened by showing her internal conflict about it. Is she genuinely worried about foxes, or is she just playing into the stereotype? A brief moment of hesitation or a funny thought could add depth to her character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Judy as she steps into Zootopia, reflecting on her dreams and fears. This could help ground her character and make her more relatable.
  • Enhance Dharma Armadillo's character by giving her a memorable catchphrase or a quirky habit that makes her stand out and adds to the comedic tone.
  • Develop Kudu and Oryx's characters further by giving them a specific reason for their loudness or a unique trait that ties into the theme of diversity in Zootopia.
  • Make the morning montage more visually engaging by incorporating different angles, close-ups, and actions that showcase Judy's personality and excitement about her new role.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or a humorous thought when Judy grabs the pink fox repellent to highlight her awareness of stereotypes and add depth to her character.



Scene 6 - First Day Jitters
INT. ZOOTOPIA POLICE DEPARTMENT - MORNING

Utter mayhem. COPS parade PERPS through the lobby-- one is
wearing cuffs and a plastic (not scary) safety muzzle, he
complains to the BEAR COP marching him by.

LEOPARD
C’mon! He bared his teeth first.

We land at the front desk and find CLAWHAUSER, a PUDGY
CHEETAH COP, happily eating a bowl of Lucky Chomps cereal.

HOPPS (O.C.)
Scuse me! Down here? Hi.

Clawhauser leans over the desk to find Hopps.

CLAWHAUSER
O-M goodness! They really did hire
a bunny. What?!
(MORE)
17.

CLAWHAUSER (CONT'D)
I gotta tell ya, you are even cuter
than I thought you’d be.

HOPPS
(a little wince)
Ooo, uh, you probably didn’t know,
but a bunny can call another bunny
“cute,” but when other animals do
it, it’s a little...

CLAWHAUSER
(gasps, realizing)
I am so sorry. Me, Benjamin
Clawhauser, the guy everyone thinks
is just a flabby, donut-loving cop,
stereotyping you...?

HOPPS
It’s okay-- oh, you’ve actually
you’ve actually got a-- there’s a--
in your neck-- the fold-- the--
there’s--

Clawhauser removes a small donut from under some neck fat.

CLAWHAUSER
Oh, there you went, you little
dickens!

He crams the donut into his mouth.

HOPPS
(awkwardly laughing)
I should get to roll call, so...
which way do I?

CLAWHAUSER
Oh! Bullpen’s over there to the
left.

HOPPS
Great, thank you!

Clawhauser watches admiringly as she heads to the bullpen.

CLAWHAUSER
(to himself, wistful)
Aw... That poor little bunny’s
gonna get eaten alive.
18.
Genres: ["Comedy","Action","Animation"]

Summary In the bustling lobby of the Zootopia Police Department, new bunny officer Judy Hopps navigates her first day amidst chaos. She encounters Clawhauser, a friendly cheetah cop who initially stereotypes her as just a 'cute' bunny. Awkwardly addressing the stereotype, Judy feels uncomfortable, but Clawhauser quickly realizes his mistake and apologizes, leading to a light-hearted exchange. The scene captures the comedic and charming dynamics of their interaction, ending with Clawhauser expressing concern for Judy as she heads to the bullpen.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Engaging characters
  • Unique concept
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the comedic tone of the film, introduces key characters, and establishes the fish-out-of-water situation for Judy Hopps. The humor and whimsical elements engage the audience and set the stage for the story to unfold.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a small bunny joining the police force in a diverse animal metropolis is fresh and intriguing. The scene effectively introduces this concept through humor and sets up potential conflicts and challenges for the protagonist.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene focuses on Judy Hopps' arrival at the police department and her initial interactions with the staff. While it moves the story forward by establishing the setting and introducing key characters, it primarily serves to set up the tone and themes of the film.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh concept of a world where animals have human-like characteristics and face societal issues. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in this scene, particularly Judy Hopps and Clawhauser, are well-defined and engaging. Judy's determination and optimism contrast with Clawhauser's quirky personality, creating an interesting dynamic that hints at future interactions.

Character Changes: 5

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Judy's introduction to the police department and her interactions with Clawhauser hint at potential growth and development as she navigates her new environment.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges of being a bunny in a predominantly predator-filled police department. It reflects her deeper need for acceptance, overcoming stereotypes, and proving herself capable.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find her way to roll call and integrate into the police department. It reflects the immediate challenge of fitting in and gaining respect from her colleagues.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in this scene is relatively low, focusing more on establishing the setting and introducing characters. However, there is an underlying tension related to Judy's position as the first bunny police officer in Zootopia, hinting at potential conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming. It adds complexity to the protagonist's journey.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing more on humor and character introductions. However, the underlying tension related to Judy's position as the first bunny police officer hints at potential challenges and conflicts ahead.

Story Forward: 7

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the setting, introducing key characters, and hinting at future conflicts and relationships. It sets the stage for Judy's journey as a rookie bunny police officer in Zootopia.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between characters and the subtle twists in dialogue. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the theme of prejudice and stereotyping based on species. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about equality and fairness in a society where discrimination exists.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a moderate emotional response through humor, optimism, and the relatable theme of stepping out of one's comfort zone. While not deeply emotional, it sets a positive tone for Judy's journey and the challenges she may face.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in this scene is witty, humorous, and character-driven. It effectively conveys information about the characters while setting up potential conflicts and relationships. The banter between Judy and Clawhauser adds depth to their personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its humor, relatable characters, and underlying themes of prejudice and acceptance. The interactions between characters keep the audience interested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor with character development and thematic elements. It keeps the audience engaged and interested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. It is easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a comedy genre, with a setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the chaotic environment of the Zootopia Police Department, which sets the tone for Judy's first day. However, the mayhem could be enhanced with more specific visual descriptions or actions that illustrate the chaos, making it feel more immersive.
  • Clawhauser's character is introduced in a humorous and endearing way, showcasing his personality through his dialogue and actions. However, the dialogue could benefit from a bit more depth to further develop his character and relationship with Judy. For instance, adding a line that hints at his own insecurities or aspirations could create a more relatable character.
  • Judy's discomfort with being called 'cute' is a relatable moment that highlights her struggle against stereotypes. However, the dialogue could be tightened to make her response feel more natural and less stilted. For example, instead of saying 'a bunny can call another bunny cute,' she could say something like, 'Bunnies can call each other cute, but it feels different coming from others.' This would make her reaction feel more genuine.
  • The comedic moment with the donut is amusing, but it could be more impactful if it tied back to Judy's character arc or the theme of stereotypes. Perhaps Clawhauser could make a self-deprecating joke about his own weight, which would add depth to his character while still maintaining the humor.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat ominous note with Clawhauser's comment about Judy getting 'eaten alive.' While this adds tension, it could be more effective if it were foreshadowed earlier in the scene. For instance, if there were hints of the challenges Judy will face in the department, this line would resonate more strongly.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the chaotic atmosphere by incorporating more specific actions or visual gags that illustrate the mayhem in the police department, such as animals running in different directions or humorous interactions between officers and perps.
  • Deepen Clawhauser's character by adding a line that reveals his own insecurities or aspirations, making him more relatable and adding layers to his personality.
  • Tighten Judy's dialogue regarding her discomfort with being called 'cute' to make it feel more natural and relatable, enhancing her character development.
  • Consider adding a self-deprecating joke from Clawhauser about his weight to create a stronger connection between him and Judy while maintaining the humor.
  • Foreshadow the challenges Judy will face in the department earlier in the scene to make Clawhauser's ominous comment about her getting 'eaten alive' more impactful and resonant.



Scene 7 - Underestimated Ambitions
INT. ZPD - BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS

Hopps enters the bullpen, by far the smallest animal in the
room: rhinos, buffalo, hippos, elephants, etc. Hopps holds
her paw out to a tough RHINO, MCHORN.

HOPPS
Hey. Officer Hopps. You ready to
make the world a better place?

McHorn gives Hopps a reluctant fist bump, nearly knocking her
off the chair.

OFFICER HIGGINS (O.S.)
TEN HUT!

In walks CHIEF BOGO, a gruff CAPE BUFFALO. He takes the dais.
Everyone snaps to attention and starts stomping the floor.

BOGO
All right, all right. Everybody
sit.

As Hopps sits, she disappears below the DESK that is meant
for a rhino.

BOGO (CONT’D)
I’ve got three items on the docket.
First... we need to acknowledge the
elephant in the room.
(nods to ELEPHANT)
Francine, happy birthday.

An elephant, FRANCINE, blushes as other cops clap.

BOGO (CONT’D)
Number two: There are some new
recruits with us I should
introduce. But I’m not going to,
because I don’t care. Finally...

He turns to a push pin-pocked MAP that’s covered in photos of
MISSING MAMMALS. Hopps’s eyes go wide.

BOGO (CONT’D)
...We have 14 missing mammal cases.
All predators, from a giant polar
bear, to a teensy little otter. And
City Hall is right up my tail to
find them. This is priority number
one. Assignments!

HIGGINS hands Bogo a stack of CASE FILES. Bogo puts on his
reading glasses, examining the files as he assigns cases.
19.


BOGO (CONT’D)
Officers Grizzoli, Fangmeyer,
Delgato-- your teams take Missing
Mammals from the Rainforest
District. Officers McHorn,
Rhinowitz, Wolfard, your teams take
Sahara Square. Officers Higgins,
Snarlov, Trunkaby: Tundratown. And
finally, our first bunny, Officer
Hopps.

Hopps sits up, expectant but steely. Bogo looks at the final
case file in his hand. He takes a dramatic breath, then:

BOGO (CONT’D)
Parking Duty. Dismissed!

HOPPS
Parking duty?
(runs after Bogo)
Uh, Chief? Chief Bogo?

Bogo looks around... then down to find Hopps.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Sir, you said there were 14 missing
mammal cases?

BOGO
So.

HOPPS
So I can handle one. You probably
forgot, but I was top of my class
at the academy.

BOGO
Didn’t forget. Just don’t care.

HOPPS
Sir, I’m not just some “token”
bunny.

BOGO
Well, then writing a hundred
tickets a day should be easy.

He goes, slamming the door behind him. Judy stomps her foot.

HOPPS
100 tickets...? I’m not gonna write
100 tickets... I’m gonna write 200
tickets!
(MORE)
20.

HOPPS (CONT'D)
(then, to the closed door)
Before noon!
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Action"]

Summary In the Zootopia Police Department bullpen, Judy Hopps, the smallest officer, struggles to connect with her larger colleagues, particularly tough rhino McHorn. Chief Bogo acknowledges an elephant's birthday while prioritizing 14 missing mammal cases, but dismisses Hopps's eagerness by assigning her to menial parking duty. Frustrated by this setback, Hopps vows to write 200 tickets before noon, determined to prove her worth despite being underestimated.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective establishment of conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Slightly predictable progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the main character's initial struggle and sets up the conflict she will face in the story. It is engaging, humorous, and introduces key elements of the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a small bunny joining a police force in a diverse animal metropolis is unique and sets up interesting dynamics and challenges for the character.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Judy is assigned to parking duty, setting up her initial challenge and the obstacles she will have to overcome.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the underdog protagonist trope by placing a small bunny in a position of authority and challenging stereotypes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Judy Hopps and Chief Bogo, are well-defined and their interactions drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

Judy Hopps undergoes a change from initial disappointment to determination to prove herself in the face of adversity.

Internal Goal: 8

Judy Hopps' internal goal in this scene is to prove herself as a capable officer and overcome the stereotype of being a small bunny in a world dominated by larger animals.

External Goal: 7

Judy Hopps' external goal is to solve the missing mammal cases and make a significant contribution to the police force.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Judy's aspirations and the assignment she receives creates tension and sets up the challenges she will face.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong as Chief Bogo's dismissive attitude presents a significant obstacle for Judy to overcome in achieving her goals.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively high for Judy as she is faced with a challenging assignment that goes against her aspirations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the main character's initial challenge and the obstacles she will have to overcome.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist in Judy's assignment to parking duty despite her expectations and qualifications.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Judy's belief in her abilities and Chief Bogo's dismissive attitude towards her capabilities based on her size and species.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene is more focused on humor and setting up the plot than evoking strong emotions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the personalities of the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters, the humor infused in the dialogue, and the underlying tension between Judy and Chief Bogo.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor through the interactions between characters and the revelation of Judy's assignment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a genre that combines elements of comedy, drama, and mystery.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Judy Hopps' position as the underdog in a male-dominated environment, which is a strong thematic element. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to better showcase her determination and personality. Currently, her lines feel somewhat generic and could benefit from more unique phrasing that reflects her character's optimism and tenacity.
  • Chief Bogo's character comes across as gruff and dismissive, which is effective in establishing conflict. However, his dialogue could be enhanced with more nuance to avoid making him a one-dimensional antagonist. Adding a line or two that hints at his own struggles or pressures could create a more complex character.
  • The physical comedy of Judy's small stature is a great visual element, but it could be emphasized further. For instance, when she sits at the desk, a brief moment of her struggling to see over it could add humor and reinforce her smallness in a big world.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, especially during Bogo's assignment of cases. Slowing down the moment when he assigns Judy to parking duty could heighten the tension and allow for a more impactful reaction from her. This would also give the audience a moment to absorb the disappointment she feels.
  • The transition from the celebratory atmosphere of the previous scene to the more serious tone in the bullpen could be smoother. A brief moment of Judy reflecting on her excitement before facing the reality of her assignment could enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Revise Judy's dialogue to include more specific and colorful language that reflects her personality and determination. For example, instead of saying 'I can handle one,' she could say something like, 'I’m ready to tackle my first case, no matter how big or small!'
  • Consider adding a line for Bogo that hints at his own pressures or responsibilities, such as, 'I wish I could give you a real case, but the city is breathing down my neck.' This would add depth to his character and make his dismissiveness feel more justified.
  • Incorporate a moment where Judy struggles to see over the desk or has to climb onto a chair to be seen, which would add a comedic visual element and reinforce her small stature.
  • Slow down the pacing during Bogo's assignment of cases. Allow for a beat where Judy's anticipation builds before he delivers the disappointing news, perhaps with a close-up on her hopeful expression.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection for Judy as she enters the bullpen, perhaps recalling her graduation day and the excitement she felt, which would contrast nicely with the reality of her current situation.



Scene 8 - A Sweet Act of Kindness
INT. / EXT. METER MAID CART - DAY

Hopps dons a vest, buckles her seat belt, floors the pedal
and... takes off at 2 miles an hour. Which leads to a

PARKING METER MONTAGE --

Hopps zooms past a row of cars, marking their tires. Cruising
the streets, her super-sensitive ears hear a meter ding. She
slams her brakes-- then proudly issues Ticket #1.

Ding! Another meter goes off. Then another. And another.
She’s on a roll. She looks down at her counter. It’s at 200.

HOPPS
Boom! 200 tickets before noon.

A final ding... Reveal: her own traffic cart is at an expired
meter. Hopps rolls her eyes and writes herself a ticket.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
201.

As Hopps puts the ticket on her windshield, she hears a voice
across the street:

TRUCK DRIVER (O.S.)
Hey, watch where you’re going, Fox!

Hopps looks across the street to see... a RED FOX. Hopps
looks at him, a little suspicious.

The Fox looks around, then slinks into a café. Hopps runs
across the street and peeks in the window. It’s an ice cream
parlor, but... the FOX IS GONE.

HOPPS
(sotto)
Where’d he go...


INT. JUMBEAUX’S CAFE - MOMENTS LATER

Elephants scoop ice cream with their trunks, suck up nuts
with their trunks. It’s cute but also disgusting. As Hopps
enters, she spots the fox, NICK WILDE, at the front of the
line and overhears the proprietor, JERRY, addressing him.
21.


JERRY JUMBEAUX, JR.
Listen, I don’t know what you’re
doing skulking around during
daylight hours, but I don’t want
any trouble in here... So hit the
road.

Hopps unsnaps the holster of her PINK FOX REPELLENT.

NICK
I’m not looking for any trouble
either, sir. I simply want to buy a
Jumbo Pop for my little boy.

Ready for action, slowly creeping forward, Hopps’s expression
changes when she sees that Nick is with his TODDLER SON.

NICK (CONT’D)
(to the boy)
You want the red or the blue, pal?

Staring at the cute little boy, Hopps is embarrassed by her
impulse. She snaps the Repellent holster and begins to leave.

HOPPS
(disgusted with herself)
I’m such a...

JERRY JUMBEAUX, JR.
Oh come on, kid. Back up. Listen,
buddy, what? There aren’t any fox
ice cream joints in your part of
town?

Hopps suddenly stops. Her ears go up and she turns around.

NICK
Uh, no no, there are. There are.
It’s just, my boy--
(tousles boy’s hair)
--this goofy little stinker-- he
loves all things elephant. Wants to
be one when he grows up.

The boy gives a TOOT-TOOT with his toy elephant trunk.

NICK (CONT’D)
Isn’t it adorable? Who the heck am
I to crush his little dreams, huh?
Right?

JERRY JUMBEAUX, JR.
Look, you probably can’t read, fox
but the sign says...
(MORE)
22.

JERRY JUMBEAUX, JR. (CONT'D)
(slowly reads SIGN,
belittling)
WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE
SERVICE TO ANYONE. So beat it.

ELEPHANT
You’re holding up the line.

The little fox is about to cry, when Hopps walks up.

HOPPS (O.S.)
Hello? Excuse me?

JERRY JUMBEAUX, JR.
Hey, you’re gonna have to wait your
turn like everyone else, metermaid.

HOPPS
Actually...
(revealing badge)
I’m an officer. Just had a quick
question. Are your customers aware
they’re getting snot and mucous
with their cookies and cream?

An ELEPHANT COUPLE overhear and spit out their ice cream.

JERRY JUMBEAUX, JR.
What are you talkin’ about?

HOPPS
Well, I don’t wanna cause you any
trouble, but I believe scooping ice
cream with an un-gloved trunk is a
Class 3 Health Code Violation...

A guilty EMPLOYEE releases a scoop from their trunk.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
...Which is kind of a big deal. Of
course-- I could let you off with a
warning if you were to glove those
trunks and, I don’t know, finish
selling this nice dad and his son
a... what was it?

NICK
A Jumbo Pop. Please.

HOPPS
A Jumbo Pop.
23.


JERRY JUMBEAUX, JR.
(stews for a beat, then)
Fifteen dollars.

NICK
Thank you so much.
(to Hopps)
Thank you.
(then, digs for wallet)
Oh no, are you kidding me? I don’t
have my wallet. I’d lose my head if
it weren’t attached to my neck,
that’s the truth. Oh boy, I’m sorry
pal. Gotta be about the worst
birthday ever. Please don’t be mad
at me.
(kisses him, to Hopps)
Thanks, anyway.

He turns to go. Hopps slaps some money on the counter.

HOPPS
Keep the change.
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary In this light-hearted scene, Judy Hopps, now a dedicated meter maid, enthusiastically issues parking tickets and encounters Nick Wilde, a red fox facing discrimination while trying to buy ice cream for his son. After intervening with her badge to confront the dismissive café owner, Jerry Jumbeaux, Jr., Hopps ensures Nick can purchase the treat, even covering the cost when he forgets his wallet. The scene highlights themes of prejudice and kindness, ending on a feel-good note.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous moments
Weaknesses
  • Slight predictability in outcome
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, social commentary, and character development, setting up future conflicts and relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a rookie police officer confronting stereotypes and enforcing health codes in a diverse animal city is engaging and sets the stage for future plot developments.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Judy Hopps faces her first challenge on parking duty, introducing a new character and setting up potential conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations such as animals in human-like roles and addresses themes of prejudice and acceptance in a fresh way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Judy Hopps is portrayed as determined, empathetic, and justice-driven, while Nick Wilde is introduced as charming and resourceful, hinting at a complex dynamic between them.

Character Changes: 7

Judy demonstrates growth in standing up for what she believes in, while Nick's charm and resourcefulness hint at potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Judy Hopps' internal goal is to prove herself as a capable officer and overcome her biases against foxes.

External Goal: 7

Judy's external goal is to issue tickets and maintain order in the city.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from Judy challenging stereotypes and enforcing the law, setting up potential conflicts with other characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Judy facing challenges from both external conflicts and her own biases.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, it sets up potential conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character, setting up potential conflicts, and showcasing Judy's skills and values.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in the way Judy's initial assumptions are challenged and the conflict with the ice cream parlor owner unfolds.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between prejudice and understanding. Judy initially judges Nick based on stereotypes but later learns to see beyond them.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits empathy for Judy's determination and introduces a heartwarming moment with Nick and his son.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals character traits and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its humor, character dynamics, and the introduction of a new conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, typical of its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Judy Hopps's determination and resourcefulness as she navigates her new role as a meter maid. The use of a parking meter montage is a clever way to show her enthusiasm and efficiency, but it could benefit from more varied visual elements to maintain engagement throughout the montage.
  • The introduction of Nick Wilde adds an interesting dynamic, but the transition from Hopps's ticketing to her encounter with Nick feels slightly abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene and build anticipation for their interaction.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, particularly in showcasing the prejudices that exist in Zootopia. However, some lines, especially from Jerry, could be more nuanced to avoid feeling overly stereotypical. This would add depth to the characters and make the scene feel less one-dimensional.
  • The moment where Hopps decides to pay for Nick's son's ice cream is heartwarming and showcases her character's kindness. However, it could be more impactful if there were a brief internal conflict or hesitation from Hopps before she makes the decision, emphasizing her growth and the challenges she faces in overcoming her biases.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the climax where Hopps confronts Jerry could be heightened with more tension. Adding a moment where it seems like Nick might not get the ice cream could create a stronger emotional payoff when Hopps intervenes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual variety to the parking meter montage, such as different angles, reactions from pedestrians, or humorous interactions with other animals to keep the audience engaged.
  • Smooth out the transition between Hopps's ticketing and her encounter with Nick by including a brief moment of reflection or a humorous thought from Hopps as she notices the fox, building anticipation for the next interaction.
  • Revise Jerry's dialogue to make it less stereotypical and more reflective of a complex character. This could involve giving him a backstory or a reason for his prejudice that adds depth to his character.
  • Incorporate a moment of internal conflict for Hopps before she decides to pay for the ice cream, showcasing her struggle with her biases and her desire to do the right thing, which would enhance her character development.
  • Increase the tension during the confrontation with Jerry by adding stakes, such as the possibility of Nick leaving without the ice cream, which would make Hopps's intervention feel more significant and rewarding.



Scene 9 - A Sweet Moment at Jumbeaux's Cafe
EXT. JUMBEAUX’S CAFE - MOMENTS LATER

Hopps has the Toddler’s hand. Nick holds a HUGE JUMBO-POP.

NICK
Officer, I can’t thank you enough.
So kind, really, can I pay you
back?

HOPPS
Oh no, my treat-- it just-- y’know,
it burns me up to see folks with
such backward attitudes toward
foxes. I just wanna say, you’re a
great dad and just a... a real
articulate fella.

NICK
Ah, well, that is high praise. It’s
rare that I find someone so non-
patronizing... Officer...

HOPPS
(totally misses his dig)
Hopps. Mr...

NICK
Wilde. Nick Wilde.
24.


HOPPS
(to Toddler)
And you little guy, you want to be
an elephant when you grow up... you
be an elephant-- because this is
Zootopia, anyone can be anything.

Hopps puts a STICKER BADGE on the boy’s chest.

NICK
Ah, boy, I tell him that all the
time. All right here ya go--
(hands him popsicle)
Two paws. Yeah. Oh, look at that
smile, that’s a happy birthday
smile! All right, give her a little
bye-bye toot toot.

The kid toots.

HOPPS
Toot, toot!

NICK
Bye now!

HOPPS
Goodbye!

Hopps walks off with a spring in her step.
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary In this uplifting scene outside Jumbeaux's Cafe, Officer Hopps and Nick Wilde share a light-hearted interaction. Nick expresses his gratitude to Hopps for her kindness, while she praises him as a great dad. Hopps encourages a toddler to dream big in Zootopia, placing a sticker badge on him. The scene is filled with playful exchanges, showcasing the warmth and camaraderie between the characters, culminating in a cheerful goodbye.
Strengths
  • Heartwarming interaction between Judy and Nick
  • Effective dialogue that conveys themes of acceptance and kindness
Weaknesses
  • Low level of conflict
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, optimism, and a positive message, making it engaging and memorable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of challenging stereotypes and promoting inclusivity is well-executed through the interaction between Judy and Nick.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Judy demonstrates her commitment to fairness and equality by standing up for Nick and his son.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to addressing societal prejudices through the interactions between the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Judy is portrayed as compassionate and determined, while Nick is shown as witty and appreciative, creating a dynamic and engaging interaction.

Character Changes: 6

Judy's character is further developed as she demonstrates her values of fairness and equality, while Nick's appreciation for her kindness is highlighted.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to challenge stereotypes and prejudices against foxes and to show kindness and understanding towards others. This reflects her deeper desire for equality and justice.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to make a positive impact on the father and son she encounters by spreading a message of acceptance and kindness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

There is a mild conflict related to stereotypes and prejudice, but it is resolved in a positive and heartwarming manner.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the protagonist facing societal prejudices and the challenge of changing people's attitudes.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character interaction and thematic development.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Judy's commitment to justice and setting the stage for her future interactions in Zootopia.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in its outcome, as the protagonist's actions align with her established character traits.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between societal prejudices and the protagonist's belief in equality and acceptance. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of warmth and positivity, leaving a lasting emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, heartfelt, and drives the scene forward, capturing the essence of the characters and the themes.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters and the positive message it conveys.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a lively and engaging tone throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and progression of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a light-hearted moment between Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde, showcasing their developing relationship. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their interaction. For instance, Nick's comment about Hopps being non-patronizing could be a moment for Judy to reflect on her own biases, adding depth to her character.
  • While the scene is playful, it risks feeling a bit too simplistic. The message about anyone being able to be anything in Zootopia is a strong theme, but it could be enhanced by showing more of Judy's personal struggle with this ideal. Perhaps she could express a moment of doubt or a personal anecdote that ties into the theme, making it more relatable.
  • The use of the sticker badge on the toddler is a cute gesture, but it might come off as slightly contrived. It could be more impactful if Judy had a more personal connection to the child or if the badge represented something more significant to her character arc.
  • Nick's character is portrayed as charming and witty, but the scene could explore his vulnerability a bit more. A brief moment where he reflects on the challenges he faces as a fox in Zootopia could add layers to his character and create a stronger bond with Judy.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother. The abrupt shift from the café to the outdoor setting might benefit from a brief establishing shot or a line of dialogue that connects the two moments more fluidly.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate subtext in the dialogue to reveal more about Judy and Nick's characters. For example, have Judy respond to Nick's compliment with a hint of her own insecurities or biases.
  • Add a personal anecdote or moment of doubt for Judy when she talks about anyone being able to be anything, making her message more relatable and grounded.
  • Consider giving the sticker badge a deeper significance, perhaps linking it to Judy's own aspirations or a lesson she learned, to enhance its emotional weight.
  • Include a moment where Nick reflects on his experiences as a fox, allowing the audience to see his vulnerabilities and creating a stronger emotional connection with Judy.
  • Smooth the transition between scenes by adding a brief establishing shot or dialogue that connects the previous scene's conclusion to the new setting, enhancing the flow of the narrative.



Scene 10 - Pawpsicle Hustle
EXT. SAHARA SQUARE - DAY

Hopps continues to write tickets. As she leaves a ticket on
another car, she can see a few blocks away. It’s NICK and his
KID. Hopps gives them a wave, but they don’t notice her.

HOPPS
Oh! Hey, little toot toot--

Hopps realizes they are melting their jumbo-pop in the hot
sun, channeling the juice into jugs. Huh? Nick and his kid
pack the jugs into a van and NICK’S SON gets in the driver’s
seat. They drive off, passing Hopps, who stares, confused.


EXT. TUNDRATOWN - A LITTLE LATER

Hopps follows them to... Tundratown, where Nick’s “son” uses
his little paw prints to create molds they pour the popsicle
juice into, creating dozens of smaller popsicles. Hopps looks
on, scandalized.
25.


EXT. SAVANNAH CENTRAL - A LITTLE LATER

Hopps watches them resell the “Pawpsicles” at marked-up
prices to LEMMINGS... when one buys one, they all do.

NICK
Pawpsicles! Get your pawpsicles!

Nick rakes in the cash. As the lemmings leave, they throw
their used popsicle sticks into a RECYCLING BIN. A second
later, Nick’s “son,” FINNICK, emerges from the bin with a
bundle of used popsicle sticks. Hopps is mortified.


EXT. LITTLE RODENTIA - A LITTLE LATER

Hopps watches Nick plop down a big bundle of USED POPSICLE
STICKS in front of a MOUSE CONSTRUCTION WORKER.

NICK
Lumber delivery!

MOUSE CONSTRUCTION WORKER
What’s with the color?

NICK
The color? Uh... It’s redwood.

Hopps has now graduated to genuine anger.


EXT. OUTSIDE LITTLE RODENTIA - MOMENTS LATER

Nick hands Finnick a wad of cash.

NICK
39...40. There you go. Way to work
that diaper, big guy. Hey, no kiss
bye-bye for daddy?

FINNICK
(super-deep voice)
You kiss me tomorrow, I’ll bite
your face off. Ciao.

As Finnick drives off in his van, BLARING LOUD FRENCH RAP
MUSIC. We discover HOPPS behind it, and she is not happy.

HOPPS
Well. I stood up for you, and you
lied to me. You liar!
26.


NICK
It’s called a hustle, sweetheart.
And I’m not the liar, he is.

Nick points behind Hopps. She turns... no one. She turns
back. Nick is gone-- his tail disappears around a corner.

HOPPS
Hey!

Nick walks on, calmly. Hopps hurries up to him.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Alright, slick Nick, you’re under
arrest.

NICK
Really, for what?

HOPPS
Gee I don’t know, how ‘bout selling
food without a permit, transporting
undeclared commerce across borough
lines, false advertising...

Nick smiles and produces those documents.

NICK
Permit. Receipt of declared
commerce. And I didn’t falsely
advertise anything. Take care.

HOPPS
You told that mouse the popsicle
sticks were redwood!

NICK
That’s right. “Red wood.” With a
space in the middle. Wood that is
red.
(then)
You can’t touch me, Carrots, I been
doing this since I was born.

HOPPS
You’re gonna wanna refrain from
calling me Carrots...

NICK
My bad. I just naturally assumed
you came from some little carrot-
choked podunk, no?
27.


HOPPS
(isn’t it obvious?)
Ah, no. Podunk is in Deerbrooke
County, and I grew up in
Bunnyburrow.

NICK
Okay. Tell me if this story sounds
familiar:
(harsher now, rapidly)
Naïve little hick with good grades
and big ideas decides, “Hey lookit
me, I’m gonna move to Zootopia--
where Predators and Prey live in
harmony and sing Kumbaya!” Only to
find-- whoopsie, we don’t all get
along. And that dream of becoming a
big city cop? Double whoopsie!
She’s a meter maid. And whoopsie
number threesie-- NO ONE cares
about her or her dreams. And soon
enough those dreams die and our
bunny sinks into emotional and
literal squalor living in a box
under a bridge. Til finally she has
no choice but to go back home with
that cute, fuzzy wuzzy little tail
between her legs to become-- you’re
from Bunnyburrow, is that what you
said?-- so how ‘bout a carrot
farmer... That sound about right?

She’s speechless-- How did he get my number so quickly? A
RHINO almost crushes her.

NICK (CONT’D)
Be careful now, it won’t just be
your dreams getting crushed.

HOPPS
(ever-so-slightly rattled)
Hey! Hey! No one tells me what I
can or can’t be! Especially not
some jerk who never had the guts to
try to be anything more than a
popsicle hustler!

NICK
Alright look, everyone comes to
Zootopia thinking they can be
anything they want. Well you can’t.
You can only be what you are.
(points to himself)
Sly fox.
(MORE)
28.

NICK (CONT'D)
(points to her)
Dumb bunny.

HOPPS
I am NOT a dumb bunny.

NICK
Right. And that’s not wet cement.

She looks down. She’s landed in wet cement.

NICK (CONT’D)
(as he goes)
You’ll never be a real cop. You’re
a cute meter maid though. Maybe a
supervisor one day. Hang in
there...
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary In this scene, Hopps witnesses Nick and his accomplice Finnick selling overpriced 'Pawpsicles' to unsuspecting lemmings. As she follows them, her initial cheer turns to anger as she confronts Nick about his deceitful practices. Nick mocks her aspirations of being a cop, cleverly evading her attempts to hold him accountable. The scene shifts from playful to tense, culminating in Hopps getting stuck in wet cement, symbolizing her frustration and the challenges she faces in her pursuit of justice.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Slightly predictable confrontation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, humorous, and sets up an interesting dynamic between the characters. The dialogue is sharp and witty, keeping the audience entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a fox and bunny engaging in a hustle involving popsicles is unique and engaging. It introduces themes of stereotypes and dreams effectively.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Judy discovers Nick's hustle and confronts him, leading to a clash of personalities and ideologies.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the buddy cop dynamic by exploring themes of identity, ambition, and societal expectations through the interactions between Judy and Nick. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Judy and Nick are well-developed and their interactions are dynamic and entertaining.

Character Changes: 7

Judy experiences a challenge to her beliefs and aspirations, leading to a moment of defiance and self-assertion.

Internal Goal: 8

Judy Hopps' internal goal in this scene is to prove herself as a capable police officer and overcome the doubts and challenges she faces due to her background as a small-town bunny.

External Goal: 7

Judy's external goal is to arrest Nick for his illegal activities involving selling popsicles without a permit and false advertising.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict between Judy and Nick, both in their dialogue and their contrasting personalities.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Nick challenging Judy's beliefs and pushing her to confront her insecurities and ambitions, creating a compelling dynamic between the characters.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Judy confronts Nick and challenges her own beliefs and aspirations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key conflict between Judy and Nick, setting up future interactions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in character dynamics, revelations, and escalating tensions that keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of identity and societal expectations, as Nick challenges Judy's beliefs about achieving her dreams and fitting into predetermined roles.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits emotions of confusion, anger, and defiance, but the focus is more on humor and confrontation.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and drives the scene forward, revealing the personalities of the characters and their conflicting beliefs.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, witty dialogue, and escalating conflict that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and momentum through well-timed dialogue exchanges, character movements, and escalating stakes that drive the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that enhance the visual and narrative flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension, conflict, and character development through well-paced interactions and escalating stakes.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension between Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde, showcasing their contrasting perspectives on ambition and reality. Nick's cynical view of Zootopia's dreams serves as a foil to Judy's optimism, which is a strong thematic element.
  • The dialogue is sharp and engaging, particularly Nick's rapid-fire monologue that reveals his worldview and personal history. This not only adds depth to his character but also serves to challenge Judy's aspirations, making the conflict more personal and relatable.
  • The use of visual gags, such as the melting popsicles and the absurdity of Finnick's deep voice, adds a layer of humor that balances the more serious undertones of the conversation. This juxtaposition keeps the scene lively while addressing deeper themes.
  • However, the pacing could be improved. The scene feels slightly rushed, especially during Nick's monologue. Allowing for pauses or reactions from Judy could enhance the emotional weight of his words and give the audience time to absorb the implications of his statements.
  • Judy's reaction to Nick's insults is somewhat muted. While she does express anger, her emotional journey could be more pronounced. This would help the audience connect with her struggle and resilience in the face of Nick's harsh truths.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more physical reactions from Judy during Nick's monologue. This could include facial expressions or body language that reflect her internal conflict and growing frustration.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or a beat after Nick's harsh comments to allow Judy's feelings to resonate with the audience. This could heighten the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Explore the setting further to enhance the visual storytelling. For example, incorporating more details about the environment could reflect Judy's emotional state or the chaotic nature of Zootopia.
  • Incorporate a brief flashback or memory for Judy during Nick's speech to illustrate her past struggles and dreams. This could provide context for her determination and make her character arc more compelling.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more back-and-forth exchanges between Judy and Nick, allowing for a more dynamic interaction that showcases their chemistry and differing viewpoints.



Scene 11 - A Disheartening Evening
INT. HOPPS’S APARTMENT, HALLWAY - EVENING

CLOSE ON HER WELCOME MAT: Hopps wipes off her cement covered
feet. Then she enters

THE APARTMENT --

Hopps turns on the radio. Everybody Hurts plays. She changes
the station. A sadder song comes on. She changes the station
repeatedly, each song progressively sadder. Finally, she
lands on a treacly instrumental that will score the scene.

She puts in a microwave dinner: CARROTS FOR ONE. Hopps takes
her food (A SINGLE CARROT) and sits at a small table.

Her phone rings. INSERT: MOM & DAD FACETIME. Hopps shakes her
head, sighs, then puts on a fake smile and answers.

HOPPS
Oh hey, it’s my parents!

BONNIE HOPPS
Aw there she is! Hi sweetheart!

THE FACETIME cuts between Bonnie on her phone. Stu will pop
in and out of frame.

STU HOPPS
Hey there, Jude the Dude! How was
your first day on the force?

HOPPS
It was real great.
29.


BONNIE HOPPS
Yeah? Everything you ever hoped?

HOPPS
Mmm. Absolutely. And more.
Everyone’s so nice. And I feel like
I’m really making a difference--

STU HOPPS
(pops head into frame)
Hey, wait a second. Holy cripes,
Bonnie! Look at that!

BONNIE HOPPS
(a discovery)
Oh my sweet heaven-- Judy, are you
a meter maid?

Hopps is still wearing her vest, and her hat is on the chair.

HOPPS
(panicked)
Oh this? No! Oh, no no! This is
just a temporary thing--

BONNIE HOPPS
It’s the safest job on the force!

STU HOPPS
Ah, she’s not a real cop! Our
prayers have been answered!

BONNIE HOPPS
Glorious day!

STU HOPPS
Meter maid, meter maid!

HOPPS
Dad! Dad--

STU HOPPS
Meter maid, meter maid!

HOPPS
DAD! You know what-- it’s been a
really long day, I should really--

BONNIE HOPPS
That’s right. You get some rest!

STU HOPPS
Those meters aren’t gonna maid
themselves.
30.


BONNIE HOPPS
Bye bye!

HOPPS
(eye roll)
Buh-bye.

She hangs up, defeated. The SELF-PITYING MUSIC comes up full.

ORYX POOTOSSER (O.S.)
Hey Bunny! Turn down that
depressing music!

KUDU POOTOSSER (O.S.)
Leave the meter maid alone! Didn’t
you hear her conversation? She
feels like a failure!

Judy turns off the music.

ORYX POOTOSSER (O.S.)
Oh, shut up!

KUDU POOTOSSER (O.S.)
You shut up!

ORYX POOTOSSER (O.S.)
You shut up!

HOPPS
(quietly to herself)
Tomorrow’s another day...

ORYX POOTOSSER (O.S.)
Yeah, but it might be worse!

Off Judy’s exhausted look, we:

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary After her first day on the police force, Judy Hopps returns home feeling defeated. She tries to uplift her spirits by changing the radio station but only encounters sadder songs. During a Facetime call with her parents, they mistakenly believe she is a meter maid, leading to condescending comments that further diminish her self-esteem. Despite her attempts to assert herself, Judy ends the call feeling disheartened. The chaotic atmosphere is amplified by her neighbors' petty arguments, leaving Judy feeling isolated and exhausted as she contemplates the challenges ahead.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and melancholy
  • Strong character development for Judy Hopps
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor and melancholy, providing insight into Judy's internal struggles and external challenges.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Judy facing setbacks in her new job as a meter maid while dealing with parental expectations and noisy neighbors is engaging and relatable.

Plot: 8

The plot advances Judy's character development and sets up potential conflicts and resolutions in future scenes.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of societal expectations and personal fulfillment, with authentic character interactions and relatable emotions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Judy Hopps, are well-developed and showcase a range of emotions and interactions.

Character Changes: 7

Judy experiences a shift in her perception of her new role as a meter maid and her relationship with her parents, setting the stage for potential growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a facade of success and happiness in front of her parents, despite feeling like a failure and disappointment. This reflects her deeper need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges of her new job as a meter maid and deal with the disappointment of her parents' reaction.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict mainly revolves around Judy's internal struggles and external obstacles, setting the stage for potential conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene adds conflict and humor, creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome and keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the emotional impact and character development set the stage for higher stakes in future events.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Judy's current challenges and potential conflicts in her new role.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected reactions of the characters and the shifting emotional tone, adding tension and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for success and her fear of failure, as well as the societal expectations placed on her.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, from humor to sadness, creating a nuanced portrayal of Judy's journey.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and humorous, capturing the essence of the characters' personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable themes, witty dialogue, and emotional depth, keeping the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a satisfying resolution and character moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Judy's feelings of defeat and isolation after her first day on the job, which is crucial for character development. However, the transition from her initial optimism to despair could be more gradual to enhance emotional impact.
  • The dialogue with her parents is humorous and relatable, but it leans heavily on the comedic aspect at the expense of deeper emotional resonance. While the humor is effective, it might overshadow Judy's internal struggle. Balancing humor with more poignant moments could strengthen the scene.
  • The use of music to reflect Judy's emotional state is a strong choice, but the progression of increasingly sad songs could be more creatively executed. Instead of simply changing the station, consider incorporating lyrics or snippets that resonate with her feelings, enhancing the audience's connection to her plight.
  • The interactions with her neighbors, while humorous, feel somewhat disconnected from Judy's emotional arc. They serve as comic relief but could be better integrated to reflect her feelings of isolation and frustration. Their banter could also serve to highlight her internal conflict more effectively.
  • The ending line, 'Tomorrow’s another day...' is a classic sentiment, but it feels a bit clichéd. A more unique or personal reflection from Judy could leave a stronger impression and better encapsulate her character's journey.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Judy reflects on her day before the Facetime call, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual montage of her experiences, to deepen the audience's understanding of her emotional state.
  • Incorporate more specific details in the dialogue with her parents that reveal Judy's aspirations and fears, allowing for a richer emotional exchange that highlights her struggles as a new officer.
  • Experiment with the music selection to include snippets of lyrics that resonate with Judy's feelings, or use a more varied musical score that reflects her emotional journey throughout the scene.
  • Enhance the interactions with her neighbors by having them comment on her situation in a way that reflects their own insecurities or aspirations, creating a parallel that emphasizes Judy's feelings of inadequacy.
  • Revise the final line to be more personal or unique to Judy's character, perhaps reflecting her determination or a specific goal she still holds onto despite her current feelings of failure.



Scene 12 - A Meter Maid's Resolve
EXT. STREETS OF ZOOTOPIA - THE NEXT DAY

Hopps, on meter maid duty, thunks a ticket on a windshield.

MOOSE
I was 30 seconds over!

Another meter dings, Hopps puts another ticket on a very
small windshield.

ANGRY GERBIL LADY
Ugh! Yeah you’re a real hero, lady!
31.


DING! Another ticket down. A MOTHER HIPPO picks up the
ticket, her SMALL CHILD looks right at Hopps.

HIPPO CHILD
My mommy says she wishes you were
dead.

ANGRY DRIVER (O.S.)
Un-cool, rabbit. My tax dollars pay
your salary.


INT. METER MAID CART

After what has clearly been a series of these encounters,
Hopps repeatedly bangs her head on the steering wheel.

HOPPS
(less convinced with each
utterance)
I am a real cop. I am a real cop. I
am a real cop. I am a real cop...

FRANTIC PIG (O.S.)
Hey!

Suddenly, a PIG bangs on the cart’s window. Hopps startles.

FRANTIC PIG (CONT’D)
You! Bunny!

HOPPS
(rote)
Sir, if you have a grievance, you
may contest your citation in
traffic court.

FRANTIC PIG
What’re you talking about? My shop!
It was just robbed! Look, he’s
getting away! Well are you a cop or
not?

Hopps sees a WEASEL running with a bag of stolen goods.

HOPPS
(snapping out of it)
Oh, yes! Yes! Don’t worry, sir, I
got this!
Genres: ["Comedy","Action","Adventure"]

Summary Judy Hopps, now a meter maid, faces public criticism and self-doubt as she issues parking tickets. Frustrated by negative interactions with citizens, her confidence wanes until a frantic pig reports a robbery, pointing out a fleeing weasel. This urgent call to action reignites her determination to prove herself as a capable cop.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character development
  • Action sequence
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, action, and character development, showcasing Judy's determination and willingness to prove herself as a real cop despite the challenges she faces.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a small bunny trying to assert herself as a police officer in a diverse animal metropolis is engaging and sets up the conflict and humor in the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Judy's struggles on meter maid duty and her unexpected encounter with a thief, adding tension and action to the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the 'underdog cop' trope by setting it in a world of anthropomorphic animals, adding a unique twist to familiar themes of identity, prejudice, and self-discovery. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, contributing to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Judy Hopps, are well-developed and their interactions drive the humor and conflict in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Judy undergoes a minor change as she shifts from feeling disheartened to taking charge when faced with a real police situation, showcasing her growth and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself as a real cop despite her current role as a meter maid. This reflects her deeper desire for validation, respect, and to break free from societal expectations based on her species.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to catch the weasel who robbed the shop, demonstrating her ability to act as a real cop and handle a criminal situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from Judy's struggle to be recognized as a real cop and her confrontation with the thief, adding tension and excitement to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the protagonist's beliefs and abilities, creating a sense of uncertainty and conflict that drives the narrative forward. The obstacles she faces, both internal and external, add complexity and depth to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, Judy's reputation as a police officer and her ability to handle a real crime add a sense of importance to the situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Judy's challenges and her first encounter with a criminal activity, setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations of a typical cop story by placing the protagonist in a comedic and challenging situation as a meter maid. The sudden shift to a criminal chase adds a layer of unpredictability to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in herself as a real cop and the societal perception of her as a meter maid. This challenges her values of determination, justice, and overcoming stereotypes.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including humor, frustration, and determination, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the personalities of the characters, enhancing the comedic tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, drama, and action in a fast-paced sequence that keeps the audience invested in the protagonist's journey. The interactions between characters and the escalating conflict create tension and anticipation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing comedic moments with moments of tension, creating a dynamic and engaging rhythm. The quick dialogue exchanges and escalating conflict keep the audience invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are well-written and contribute to the scene's atmosphere.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a comedy-drama genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by balancing humor with tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Judy's struggles as a meter maid, showcasing her determination to prove herself as a real cop despite the negative feedback from the citizens. However, the dialogue from the citizens feels somewhat one-dimensional and could benefit from more variety to enhance the comedic and dramatic elements.
  • The use of the angry citizens serves to highlight Judy's challenges, but the repetition of negative interactions could be streamlined. Instead of multiple characters expressing disdain, consider focusing on one or two key interactions that encapsulate the frustration she faces, allowing for a more impactful moment.
  • Judy's internal conflict is well represented through her mantra of 'I am a real cop,' but the physical action of banging her head on the steering wheel could be expanded to show more of her emotional state. Perhaps include a moment of reflection or a flashback to her aspirations, which would deepen the audience's connection to her struggles.
  • The introduction of the frantic pig is a strong pivot point in the scene, but the transition from Judy's despair to action could be smoother. Consider adding a moment where she hesitates before jumping into action, emphasizing her internal conflict and the weight of her responsibilities.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the dialogue could be tightened to maintain momentum. Some lines feel a bit repetitive, and cutting unnecessary words could enhance the flow and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Introduce more varied and colorful dialogue from the frustrated citizens to create a richer tapestry of reactions. This could include humorous or sarcastic remarks that reflect the diverse personalities of Zootopia's inhabitants.
  • Streamline the negative interactions by focusing on one or two key moments that encapsulate Judy's struggles, allowing for a more powerful emotional impact.
  • Expand on Judy's physical actions and internal thoughts when she bangs her head on the steering wheel. Consider incorporating a brief flashback or a moment of self-doubt to deepen her emotional journey.
  • Smooth the transition from Judy's despair to her action by adding a moment of hesitation or contemplation, which would highlight her internal conflict and the weight of her responsibilities.
  • Tighten the dialogue to enhance pacing and maintain engagement. Look for opportunities to cut unnecessary words or phrases that do not add to character development or the scene's emotional arc.



Scene 13 - Donut Dash in Little Rodentia
EXT. STREETS OF ZOOTOPIA - CONTINUOUS

Hopps jumps out and gives chase-- ditching her silly vest.
32.


HOPPS
Stop! Stop in the name of the law!

DUKE WEASELTON
Catch me if you can, Cottontail!

The chase is on. McHorn screeches up in his cop car.

DUKE WEASELTON (CONT’D)
Whoa. Coming through!

MCHORN
This is Officer McHorn, we got a 10-
31.

Hopps slides across his hood.

HOPPS
I got dibs! Officer Hopps, I am in
pursuit!

Hopps chases the Weasel, who races through Savannah Central.
As Hopps advances, the Weasel ducks into... LITTLE RODENTIA.
Thanks to her small size, Hopps follows him in.

HOPPS(CONT’D)
You! Freeze!

MCHORN
(arriving, but too big to
enter)
Hey! Metermaid! Wait for the real
cops!


EXT. LITTLE RODENTIA - CONTINUOUS

Hopps emerges in Little Rodentia, teeming with tiny rodents.

HOPPS
Stop!

Hopps spots the Weasel, who’s using two mouse cars as skates.
She chases after him, smashing through Little Rodentia. As
the Weasel jumps off the top of a mouse building, he knocks
it over, but Hopps is able to save them from crashing.

Resuming the chase, Hopps jumps off the building-- landing
precariously in the midst of a large group of mice.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Oh! Oh, sorry! Coming through!
‘Scuse me! ‘Scuse me. Pardon...
33.


Hopps locates Weaselton, who’s safely making his escape on
the top of a tiny mouse train.

DUKE WEASELTON
Bon voyage, flat foot!

But Hopps won’t quit. She takes a short cut and knocks him
off the train. Rodents scream and run amidst the chaos.

HOPPS
Hey! Stop right there!

The Weasel throws an ornamental donut at Hopps.

DUKE WEASELTON
Have a donut, coppah!

But the donut misses and rolls towards some SHREWS coming out
of “Mousies.”

FRU FRU SHREW
Ohmygawd, did you see those leopard
print jeggings?
(sees the donut about to
kill her)
Aaaaaaaaaaaagh!

But at the last second... Hopps stops it! Deep breath...

HOPPS
I love your hair.

FRU FRU SHREW
Aw... thank you.

Meanwhile, the Weasel spots the bag he was stealing and
smugly picks it up, ready to leave.

DUKE WEASELTON
Come to papa...

Then out of nowhere, Hopps dumps the donut on his head.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary Officer Hopps pursues Duke Weaselton through the bustling streets of Zootopia and into the chaotic realm of Little Rodentia after he steals a bag. Despite Weaselton's clever tactics and the challenges posed by the tiny environment, Hopps showcases her determination and quick thinking. The chase culminates in a comedic moment where Hopps outsmarts Weaselton by dumping a donut on his head just as he attempts to claim his stolen prize.
Strengths
  • Engaging action sequences
  • Well-developed characters
  • Humorous dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be predictable
  • Limited emotional depth in certain moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends action, humor, and character development, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a small bunny police officer chasing a weasel through a miniature rodent city is unique and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Judy Hopps pursues the weasel, showcasing her dedication to her job and her ability to overcome obstacles.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting with the district of Little Rodentia, where the protagonist's size becomes an advantage in the pursuit. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Judy Hopps, are well-developed and show growth throughout the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Judy Hopps demonstrates growth and determination as she overcomes obstacles and proves herself as a capable officer.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself as a capable and dedicated police officer, despite her small size and the doubts of her colleagues. This reflects her desire for acceptance, respect, and to break stereotypes.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to catch the criminal, Duke Weaselton, and prevent him from escaping with stolen goods. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in her role as a police officer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Judy and the weasel creates tension and drives the action forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the criminal presenting a challenging obstacle for the protagonist to overcome. The uncertainty of the outcome adds tension and suspense to the chase.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of capturing the weasel and proving herself as a competent officer add tension and excitement to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by showcasing Judy's skills and determination in her new role as a police officer.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected obstacles and twists that arise during the chase, keeping the audience on their toes and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's belief in justice and the criminal's disregard for the law. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, as she must confront someone who opposes the principles she upholds.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from excitement during the chase to amusement at the comedic moments.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and humorous, adding to the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and comedic moments. The audience is drawn into the chase and invested in the protagonist's pursuit of the criminal.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and character moments that maintain the audience's interest and drive the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for an action sequence in an animated film, with clear progression, escalating stakes, and a satisfying resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the energy and determination of Judy Hopps as she chases Duke Weaselton, showcasing her commitment to her role as a police officer despite her small size. The use of humor, particularly with the donut and the interactions with the tiny rodents, adds a light-hearted tone that contrasts well with the chase's urgency.
  • However, the pacing could be improved. The transition from Hopps jumping out of the car to the chase could be more fluid. The dialogue feels a bit rushed at times, which may detract from the comedic timing. For instance, the line 'Catch me if you can, Cottontail!' could be delivered with more flair to enhance the playful rivalry between Hopps and Weaselton.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the depiction of Little Rodentia and the chaos that ensues. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive action lines that emphasize the physicality of the chase. For example, detailing how Hopps navigates the obstacles in Little Rodentia could heighten the tension and excitement.
  • The character of Duke Weaselton is portrayed well as a cunning antagonist, but his motivations could be clearer. Adding a line that hints at why he is stealing or what he plans to do with the stolen goods could add depth to his character and make the stakes feel higher.
  • The moment where Hopps stops the donut from hitting the shrew is a nice comedic touch, but it could be more impactful if it tied back to her character's growth or determination. Perhaps she could reflect on her earlier failures or doubts in that moment, reinforcing her resolve.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive action lines to enhance the visual storytelling and pacing of the chase. This will help the reader visualize the chaos and excitement of the scene more vividly.
  • Revise the dialogue to allow for more comedic timing, especially in the exchanges between Hopps and Weaselton. This could involve pausing for reactions or adding playful banter that showcases their personalities.
  • Clarify Duke Weaselton's motivations for stealing the bag. A brief line or two could provide context and raise the stakes for Hopps's pursuit.
  • Incorporate a moment of reflection for Hopps during the chase, perhaps when she saves the shrew from the donut. This could serve to highlight her growth and determination as a character.
  • Ensure that the transitions between actions are smooth to maintain the scene's momentum. This could involve tightening the dialogue and actions to create a more cohesive flow.



Scene 14 - A Desperate Plea
INT. ZPD - LOBBY - A LITTLE LATER

The lobby is overflowing with ANIMALS filing MISSING MAMMAL
REPORTS. Clawhauser is dealing with an otter, MRS. OTTERTON.

CLAWHAUSER
Okay, you’re gonna have to be
patient and wait in line just like
everyone else, Mrs. Otterton, okay?
34.


Just then: BAM! The Weasel (in donut) rolls through the front
door and hits Clawhauser’s desk. It settles, revealing Hopps.

HOPPS
I popped the weasel!

Behind her, Chief Bogo yells from the second floor.

BOGO
HOPPS!


INT. ZPD - BOGO’S OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER

Hopps sits in a big chair in front of Bogo, like a kid in the
principal’s office. Bogo looks over a report.

BOGO
Abandoning your post, inciting a
scurry, reckless endangerment of
rodents... but to be fair, you did
stop a master criminal from
stealing two dozen... moldy onions.

HOPPS
Hate to disagree with you, sir, but
those aren’t onions. Those are a
crocus varietal called Midnicampum
Holicithias. They’re a Class C
Botanical, sir. I grew up in a
family where plant husbandry was
kind of a thing.

BOGO
Shut your tiny mouth, now.

HOPPS
Sir, I got the bad guy. That’s my
job.

BOGO
Your job is putting tickets on
parked cars.

CLAWHAUSER (INTERCOM)
Chief, uh, Mrs. Otterton’s here to
see you again.

BOGO
Not now.
35.


CLAWHAUSER(INTERCOM)
Okay, I just didn’t know if you
wanted to take it this time, she
seems really upset--

BOGO
Not now!

HOPPS
Sir, I don’t want to be a meter
maid... I wanna be a real cop.

BOGO
Do you think the Mayor asked what I
wanted when he assigned you to me?

HOPPS
But sir, if you--

BOGO
Life isn’t some cartoon musical
where you sing a little song and
your insipid dreams magically come
true. So let it go!

MRS. OTTERTON barges in, with Clawhauser trailing, wheezing.

MRS. OTTERTON
Chief Bogo please-- five minutes of
your time. Please...

CLAWHAUSER
I’m sorry, sir, I tried to stop
her, she is super slippery. I gotta
go sit down.

BOGO
Ma’am, as I’ve told you, we are
doing everything we can...

MRS. OTTERTON
My husband has been missing for ten
days. His name is Emmitt Otterton.

BOGO
Yes, I know.

MRS. OTTERTON
He’s a florist. We have two
beautiful children. He would never
just disappear.

Mrs. Otterton reveals her own sweet little photo of Emmitt
with her and the family.
36.


BOGO
Ma’am, our detectives are very
busy.

MRS. OTTERTON
Please. There’s got to be somebody
to find my Em.

BOGO
Mrs. Otterton--

HOPPS (O.S.)
I will find him.

Mrs. Otterton races over to Hopps and gives her a big hug of
relief. Bogo looks to Hopps, ready to explode.

MRS. OTTERTON
Oh, thank you! Bless you, bless you
little bunny!
(hands picture of family)
Take this. Find my Emmitt. Bring
him home to me and my babies.
Please?

Bogo grunts and ushers Mrs. Otterton back outside.

BOGO
Mrs. Otterton? Please wait out
here.

MRS. OTTERTON
Of course. Oh, thank you both so
much.

BOGO
One second.

He closes the door and turns to Hopps, furious.

BOGO (CONT’D)
You’re fired.

HOPPS
What? Why?!

BOGO
Insubordination. Now, I’m going to
open this door and you’re going to
tell that otter you’re a former
meter maid with delusions of
grandeur who will not be taking the
case.
37.


Bogo opens the door, to find... Bellwether, hugging Mrs.
Otterton.

BELLWETHER
I just heard Officer Hopps is
taking the case!

BOGO
Assistant Mayor Bellwether...

BELLWETHER
(texting)
The Mammal Inclusion Initiative is
really starting to pay off! Mayor
Lionheart is just gonna be so
jazzed!

BOGO
No! No, let’s not tell the mayor
just yet--

BELLWETHER
And I sent it, and it is done, so I
did do that. All right, well I’d
say the case is in good hands! Us
little guys really need to stick
together! Right?

HOPPS
Like glue!

BELLWETHER
(amused laughter)
Good one! Just call me if you ever
need anything, okay? You’ve always
got a friend at City Hall, Judy.
Alright, bye bye!

HOPPS
Thank you, ma’am.

Bogo forces a smile and closes the door, even more pissed.

BOGO
I will give you 48 hours.

HOPPS
YES!

BOGO
That’s two days to find Emmitt
Otterton.
38.


HOPPS
Okay.

BOGO
But, you strike out-- you resign.

Hopps is taken aback by that for a moment... then nods.

HOPPS
Oh, uh... okay... deal.

BOGO
Splendid. Clawhauser will give you
the complete case file.
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary In the bustling lobby of the Zootopia Police Department, Officer Clawhauser assists a distressed Mrs. Otterton, who is searching for her missing husband, Emmitt. Officer Hopps bursts in after apprehending a criminal but faces reprimand from Chief Bogo for her reckless behavior. Despite Bogo's initial refusal to help, Mrs. Otterton's emotional plea inspires Hopps to volunteer for the case. After a tense confrontation, Bogo reluctantly grants Hopps 48 hours to find Emmitt, setting the stage for her determined quest.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and seriousness
  • Clear establishment of conflict and goal
  • Engaging dialogue and character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the dialogue
  • Slight predictability in the outcome of the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor with a serious tone, introduces a high-stakes plot point, and showcases the protagonist's determination.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a rookie cop taking on a challenging missing person case is engaging and sets up the main conflict of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Judy Hopps is given a time-sensitive task by Chief Bogo, leading to a clear goal and conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the buddy cop genre by featuring animal characters in a modern city setting. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with Chief Bogo as a strict authority figure and Judy Hopps as a determined rookie cop.

Character Changes: 7

Judy Hopps undergoes a change from being dismissed by Chief Bogo to being given a chance to prove herself.

Internal Goal: 9

Judy Hopps' internal goal is to prove herself as a capable and respected police officer, despite facing skepticism and challenges from her superiors. This reflects her deeper desire for acceptance, recognition, and the opportunity to pursue her dreams.

External Goal: 8

Judy Hopps' external goal is to find the missing mammal, Emmitt Otterton, within 48 hours to prove her worth as a police officer and avoid being fired.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Judy and Chief Bogo, as well as the urgency of finding Emmitt Otterton, creates tension in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Chief Bogo challenging Judy Hopps' abilities and Assistant Mayor Bellwether complicating the situation. The audience is left wondering how Judy will overcome these obstacles and find the missing mammal.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of finding a missing mammal within 48 hours add urgency and importance to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up a crucial task for Judy and establishing the main conflict.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, such as Chief Bogo's ultimatum to Judy Hopps and the introduction of Assistant Mayor Bellwether. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Chief Bogo's pragmatic, cynical view of the world and Judy Hopps' optimistic, idealistic belief in making a difference and following her dreams. This challenges Judy's values of perseverance and determination in the face of adversity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The emotional impact is felt through Mrs. Otterton's plea and Judy's determination to help her.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the conflict between Judy and Chief Bogo, as well as the emotional plea of Mrs. Otterton.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, drama, and suspense, as well as the dynamic interactions between characters. The stakes are high, and the audience is invested in Judy Hopps' journey to find the missing mammal.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character development. The rhythm of the scene builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines are concise and engaging.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a police procedural genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and character development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Hopps and Bogo, showcasing their conflicting views on her role as a police officer. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their relationship. Bogo's harshness feels a bit one-dimensional; adding layers to his character could make the confrontation more impactful.
  • Mrs. Otterton's emotional plea is a strong moment, but it could be enhanced by providing more context about her relationship with Emmitt. A brief flashback or a more detailed description of their family life could evoke greater empathy from the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat uneven. The transition from the comedic moment of Hopps arriving in a donut to the serious confrontation with Bogo feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the emotional flow of the scene.
  • While the humor in the scene is enjoyable, it sometimes undermines the gravity of the situation. Balancing the comedic elements with the serious undertones of Mrs. Otterton's distress could create a more cohesive tone.
  • The introduction of Bellwether feels a bit rushed. Her sudden appearance and the subsequent shift in focus could be better integrated into the scene. Establishing her character earlier or providing a clearer motivation for her involvement would enhance the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Bogo reflects on his own experiences or frustrations, which could provide insight into his harsh demeanor and create a more nuanced conflict with Hopps.
  • Incorporate a brief flashback or dialogue that highlights Mrs. Otterton's relationship with her husband, which would make her emotional plea more resonant and impactful.
  • Smooth out the pacing by including a transitional moment between the comedic donut scene and the serious confrontation, perhaps by having Hopps reflect on her actions before facing Bogo.
  • Reassess the balance of humor and seriousness in the scene. Ensure that the comedic elements do not overshadow the emotional stakes, especially during Mrs. Otterton's plea for help.
  • Introduce Bellwether earlier in the scene or provide a clearer motivation for her sudden involvement, which would help the audience understand her character and the dynamics at play.



Scene 15 - A Sweet Discovery
INT. ZPD - DESK AREA - A LITTLE LATER

Clawhauser places the Otterton file on his desk for Hopps.

CLAWHAUSER
Here ya go! One missing otter!

Hopps opens the file. It’s a single piece of paper. What?

HOPPS
That’s it?!

CLAWHAUSER
Yikes! That is the smallest case
file I’ve ever seen! Leads: none,
witnesses: none-- and you’re not in
the computer system yet, so
resources: none.
(chuckles)
I hope you didn’t stake your career
on cracking this one.

Clawhauser takes a bite of his donut and the crumbs land on a
picture in the file, drawing Hopps’s attention to it.

HOPPS
Okay.
(deep breath)
“Last known sighting...”

Hopps brushes away the crumbs, revealing a picture of Mr.
Otterton on the street. Clawhauser annoyingly slurps from a
soda bottle. Hopps squints at the picture, intrigued.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Can I just borrow--
(grabbing soda bottle)
Thank you.
39.


Hopps uses Clawhauser’s bottle to enlarge the picture. She
sees Mr. Otterton holding a PAWPSICLE.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Pawpsicle.

CLAWHAUSER
The murder weapon!

HOPPS
Get your pawpsicle...

CLAWHAUSER
Yeah, ‘cause that... What does that
mean?

HOPPS
It means I... have a lead.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Mystery"]

Summary In the Zootopia Police Department, Clawhauser humorously hands Hopps a sparse file on a missing otter, Mr. Otterton. Despite her frustration with the lack of leads, Hopps discovers a picture of Mr. Otterton holding a pawpsicle, which sparks her determination and optimism about the case.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Intriguing mystery element
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Mild conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, mystery, and character development, setting up a new plot point while maintaining an engaging tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using a pawpsicle as a lead in a missing person case is unique and adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot advances with the introduction of a new clue, setting up the investigation into Mr. Otterton's disappearance.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the detective genre by incorporating anthropomorphic characters and humor into a crime-solving narrative. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, particularly Judy Hopps and Clawhauser, showcase their personalities and dynamics in a humorous and engaging way.

Character Changes: 6

Judy's character is further established as resourceful and determined, setting the stage for her growth throughout the investigation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself as a capable and competent officer despite the lack of resources and support. This reflects her deeper need for validation and recognition.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find a lead in the missing otter case. This reflects the immediate challenge she's facing in solving the case with limited resources.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between Judy's determination to solve the case and the lack of resources available to her.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the protagonist's abilities and add tension to the investigation.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the discovery of the pawpsicle adds a sense of urgency to the investigation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new clue and setting up the next phase of the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected discovery of a lead in the case and the humorous interactions between characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the value of determination and resourcefulness in solving a case against the odds. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the system and her own abilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene is more focused on humor and intrigue than emotional depth, but it sets the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and drives the scene forward while revealing character traits and advancing the plot.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter between characters, the mystery of the missing otter case, and the visual humor.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace and building suspense as the protagonist uncovers a lead in the case.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear character actions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a detective genre, with the introduction of a case, investigation, and discovery of a lead.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the stakes for Judy Hopps by presenting her with a sparse case file, which emphasizes her struggle as a new officer. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the pacing and clarity of the characters' interactions.
  • Clawhauser's character is portrayed with humor, but his dialogue could be more concise. The joke about the case file being the smallest could be delivered in a way that feels less repetitive and more impactful.
  • The transition from Clawhauser's humor to Hopps's determination is well done, but the scene could benefit from a stronger emotional arc. While Hopps's excitement about finding a lead is clear, the stakes of the missing otter could be more explicitly connected to her personal journey and aspirations as a police officer.
  • The visual element of Hopps using Clawhauser's soda bottle to enlarge the picture is clever, but it could be described in a way that emphasizes her resourcefulness and determination. This moment could serve as a metaphor for her ability to think outside the box despite her limitations.
  • The dialogue between Hopps and Clawhauser feels a bit one-sided, with Clawhauser primarily serving as a comedic foil. Adding more depth to Hopps's responses could enhance her character development and make her determination more palpable.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening Clawhauser's dialogue to make his humor more impactful and less repetitive. For example, instead of saying 'smallest case file,' he could say something like, 'This is the tiniest case file I've ever seen!' to maintain the comedic tone while being more concise.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by incorporating a line or two that connects the missing otter to Hopps's personal motivations. For instance, she could express a desire to prove herself by solving this case, which would resonate with her earlier struggles.
  • Emphasize Hopps's resourcefulness by describing her actions with the soda bottle in a way that highlights her quick thinking. For example, you could show her determination by having her say something like, 'I may not have the resources, but I can still find a way!' as she uses the bottle.
  • Add a moment of reflection for Hopps after she discovers the pawpsicle, perhaps a brief internal monologue about what this lead means for her career and her commitment to finding the missing otter.
  • Consider including a visual cue that signifies Hopps's determination, such as a close-up of her face as she realizes she has a lead, which could help convey her emotional transition from frustration to hope.



Scene 16 - Caught in the Act
EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - LATER

We find Nick pushing a BABY STROLLER. HOPPS zooms up in her
traffic cart, smiling.

HOPPS
Hi! Hello? It’s me again!

NICK
Hey, it’s Officer Toot Toot.

HOPPS
(fake laugh, humoring him)
Ha-ha-ho, no actually it’s Officer
Hopps, and I’m here to ask you some
questions about a case.

NICK
What happened, meter maid? Did
someone steal a traffic cone? It
wasn't me.

Hopps looks ahead, Nick has gone around the corner. Hopps
pulls in front of Nick and sounds her siren.

NICK (CONT’D)
Hey, Carrots, you’re gonna wake the
baby, I gotta get to work.
40.


HOPPS
This is important, sir. I think
your ten dollars worth of popsicles
can wait.

NICK
I make 200 bucks a day, fluff. 365
days a year, since I was 12, and
time is money, hop along.

HOPPS
Please, just look at the picture.

Hopps holds up the traffic cam picture of the Otter.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
You sold Mr. Otterton that popsicle
right? Do you know him?

NICK
I know everybody. And I also know
that somewhere there’s a toy store
missing its stuffed animal, so why
don’t you get back to your box.

Hopps’ ears droop.

HOPPS
Fine. Then we’ll have to do this
the hard way.

She puts a boot on the stroller.

NICK
Did you just boot my stroller?

HOPPS
Nicholas Wilde, you are under
arrest.

NICK
For what? Howting your feewings?

HOPPS
Felony tax evasion.

Nick smile drops a bit.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Yeah. 200 dollars a day... 365 days
a year... since you were 12, that’s
two decades, so times twenty...
(calculating)
(MORE)
41.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
...which is one million four-
hundred sixty thousand-- I think, I
mean I am just a dumb bunny, but we
are good at multiplying-- anyway,
according to your tax forms...
(presenting the forms)
...you reported let me see here:
zero. Unfortunately, lying on a
federal form is a punishable
offense. Five years jail time.

NICK
Well, it’s my word against yours.

Hopps clicks a button on her CARROT PEN, which SPEAKS!

NICK (ON CARROT PEN RECORDER) (CONT’D)
“200 bucks a day, fluff. 365 days a
year, since I was 12.”

HOPPS
Actually, it’s your word against
yours. And if you want this pen,
you’re going to help me find this
poor missing otter or the only
place you’ll be selling popsicles
is the prison cafeteria.
(dramatic smirk)
It’s called a hustle, sweetheart.

Nick is utterly speechless.

FINNICK
She hustled you.
(rude laugh)
She hustled you good! You’re a cop
now Nick, you’re gonna need one of
these! Have fun working with the
fuzz!

THWAP! Finnick slaps his JUNIOR OFFICER STICKER on Nick.

HOPPS
Start talking.

NICK
I don’t know where he is.
I only saw where he went.

HOPPS
Great, let’s go.
42.


NICK
It’s not exactly a place for a cute
little bunny.

HOPPS
Don’t call me cute.
(forceful)
Get in the car.

NICK
Okay. You’re the boss.
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary On a bustling downtown street, Nick is confronted by Officer Hopps while pushing a baby stroller. Despite his attempts to deflect her inquiries about a missing otter with humor, Hopps reveals her determination and legal prowess by arresting him for felony tax evasion. Finnick, Nick's friend, adds comic relief by mocking him for being outsmarted. Ultimately, Nick is coerced into helping Hopps with the case to avoid jail time, setting the stage for an unexpected partnership.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with humor, tension, and character development. It effectively sets up the dynamic between Officer Hopps and Nick Wilde, establishing their conflicting personalities and motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a bunny cop and a sly fox engaging in a verbal sparring match while investigating a missing otter is unique and intriguing. It adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for future conflicts and collaborations.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Officer Hopps confronts Nick Wilde about his involvement in the missing otter case, leading to a tense negotiation and a potential partnership. The scene sets up the central mystery and introduces key character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and imaginative concept of a world inhabited by anthropomorphic animals, blending elements of comedy, mystery, and adventure. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Officer Hopps and Nick Wilde are well-developed and engaging. Their contrasting personalities and motivations create tension and humor, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Both Officer Hopps and Nick Wilde undergo subtle changes in their dynamic as they navigate the negotiation and power play. Officer Hopps asserts her authority, while Nick Wilde shows vulnerability and adaptability.

Internal Goal: 8

Nick's internal goal is to maintain his tough and aloof persona while also avoiding getting caught for tax evasion. This reflects his fear of vulnerability and his desire to protect his image.

External Goal: 9

Nick's external goal is to avoid getting arrested for tax evasion and to help Officer Hopps find the missing otter. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the consequences he may have to deal with.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Officer Hopps and Nick Wilde is palpable, adding tension and intrigue to the scene. Their verbal sparring and power play create a dynamic that propels the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Officer Hopps challenging Nick's lies and forcing him to confront the consequences of his actions. The audience is left uncertain about how Nick will respond to the escalating conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as Officer Hopps confronts Nick Wilde about his involvement in the missing otter case. The outcome of their negotiation could impact the investigation and their future interactions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key character dynamics, advancing the central mystery of the missing otter, and setting up future conflicts and collaborations. It propels the narrative towards the next plot point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the dialogue and character actions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will react to each new development.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between honesty and deception. Officer Hopps uses clever tactics to uncover Nick's lies, challenging his dishonesty and forcing him to confront the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to tension, as Officer Hopps and Nick Wilde engage in a battle of wits. The emotional impact is moderate but sets the stage for deeper character development.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and full of subtext, revealing the characters' personalities and motivations. It drives the scene forward and establishes the dynamic between Officer Hopps and Nick Wilde.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and escalating conflict. The humor and tension keep the audience invested in the story and eager to see how the situation unfolds.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene builds tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines are clear and engaging, enhancing the reader's understanding of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, conflict development, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and humor.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Hopps and Nick is witty and captures their dynamic well, showcasing their contrasting personalities. However, some lines could be tightened for better pacing. For instance, Nick's quips could be more succinct to maintain the scene's energy.
  • The scene effectively establishes the conflict between Hopps' determination to solve the case and Nick's reluctance to cooperate. However, the transition from playful banter to the serious accusation of felony tax evasion feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow.
  • Hopps' use of the carrot pen recorder is a clever device that adds humor and showcases her resourcefulness. However, it might benefit from a brief setup earlier in the scene to remind the audience of its function, ensuring clarity.
  • The introduction of Finnick adds a layer of humor and camaraderie, but his role could be expanded slightly to provide more context about his relationship with Nick. This would deepen the audience's understanding of their dynamic.
  • The emotional stakes for Hopps are present but could be heightened. Adding a line or two that reflects her personal investment in the case or her feelings about Nick's dismissive attitude could create a stronger emotional connection.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening Nick's dialogue to make his responses snappier and more impactful, enhancing the comedic timing.
  • Smooth the transition from playful banter to the serious accusation by adding a line that hints at the gravity of the situation before Hopps reveals the tax evasion charge.
  • Introduce the carrot pen recorder earlier in the scene or provide a brief reminder of its function to ensure the audience is clear on its significance.
  • Expand Finnick's role slightly to provide more context about his relationship with Nick, which could enrich the scene's dynamics.
  • Add a line or two that conveys Hopps' emotional investment in the case, which would help the audience connect with her character on a deeper level.



Scene 17 - Naked Truths at Mystic Spring Oasis
INT. THE MYSTIC SPRING OASIS - LATER

The Mystic Spring Oasis is new agey, full of incense, etc. A
meditating HIPPIE YAK sits with flies buzzing around his
head, matching the tone of his ohm. Hopps enters with Nick
and they approach the yak (still with his eyes closed).

YAX THE HIPPIE YAK
Oooooooooohmmmmmmmm.
Oooooooooooohmmmmmm.

HOPPS
Hi, hello.

The yak continues his incessant chanting.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Um, hello? Hello? HELLO?!

The yak finally shakes out of his trance and notices Hopps.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Hello! My name is--

YAX THE HIPPIE YAK
Ooo, you know, I’m gonna hit the
pause button right there, ‘cause
we’re all good on Bunny Scout
Cookies.

HOPPS
Uh, no... I’m Officer Hopps, ZPD.
I’m looking for a missing mammal,
Emmitt Otterton. Right here--
(shows photo)
--who may have frequented this
establishment.

The Yak looks at Hopps’ picture. His eyes go wide, as if he’s
about to say something really important, and then:
43.


YAX THE HIPPIE YAK
AH-CHOO!
(flies go everywhere)
Yeah, Ol’ Emmitt! Haven’t seen him
in a couple weeks. But hey, you
should talk to his yoga instructor,
I’d be happy to take you back.

HOPPS
Oh, thank you so much, I’d
appreciate that more than you can
imagine. It would be such a big--
(scream)
You are naked!

The Yak comes around the counter and he IS naked.

YAX THE HIPPIE YAK
Huh? Oh for sure, we’re a
naturalist club.

NICK
Yeah, in Zootopia anyone can be
anything. These guys... they be
naked.

Nick grins, Hopps isn’t pleased.

YAX THE HIPPIE YAK
Nangi’s just on the other side of
the pleasure pool.

The Yak opens the doors to a POOL AREA, with tons of naked
animals sunning themselves, playing in the pool, etc. Hopps’
eyes nearly pop out of her head. Nick leans in.

NICK
Does this make you uncomfortable?
Because, if so, there’s no shame in
calling it quits.

HOPPS
Yes there is.

NICK
Boy, that’s the spirit.
Genres: ["Comedy","Mystery"]

Summary In this comedic scene, Officer Hopps and Nick visit the Mystic Spring Oasis, where they meet Yax the Hippie Yak, who is initially unresponsive while meditating. After some persistence, Yax reveals he has seen the missing Emmitt Otterton and suggests they talk to his yoga instructor. The humor escalates when Hopps discovers Yax is naked, leading to awkward yet funny exchanges about the nudity in Zootopia's naturalist club. Nick adds comic relief by encouraging Hopps to embrace the situation, despite her discomfort.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Unique setting
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, mystery, and character development, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of combining a new age yoga setting with a missing otter investigation is unique and adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot advances with the introduction of a new lead in the missing otter case, adding intrigue and setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and humorous take on the detective genre by incorporating anthropomorphic animals and unconventional settings. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Hopps and Nick, continue to show their personalities and dynamics, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 4

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it continues to develop the relationships between characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a missing mammal, Emmitt Otterton. This reflects her deeper desire to prove herself as a capable officer and make a difference in the world.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information about Emmitt Otterton's whereabouts from the Hippie Yak and his yoga instructor. This reflects the immediate challenge of solving a missing person case.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict is mild, mainly revolving around the investigation of the missing otter and the humorous interactions between characters.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene comes from the unconventional lifestyle of the naturalist club and the clash of values between the characters. The audience is unsure of how Hopps will navigate this challenging situation.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on humor and character dynamics.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by providing a new lead in the missing otter case and setting up future interactions between characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected situations, quirky characters, and humorous dialogue that keep the audience guessing and entertained.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between societal norms and individual freedom. The naturalist club's nudity and unconventional lifestyle challenge Hopps' beliefs and values as a police officer.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene leans more towards humor and light-heartedness rather than deep emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals character traits, enhancing the scene's entertainment value.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its humorous dialogue, quirky characters, and unexpected twists. The interactions between the characters keep the audience entertained and invested in the story.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, humor, and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and entertained.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a comedic detective genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces Yax the Hippie Yak and establishes the quirky, humorous tone of the Mystic Spring Oasis. The contrast between Hopps' professionalism and Yax's laid-back demeanor creates comedic tension, which is a strong point.
  • The dialogue flows well, with Hopps' increasing frustration at Yax's meditation and lack of awareness providing a relatable comedic beat. However, the initial interaction could benefit from a stronger hook to engage the audience right from the start.
  • The reveal of Yax being naked is a humorous twist that plays into the theme of Zootopia's diverse animal society. However, the reaction from Hopps could be amplified to enhance the comedic impact. Her shock could be more exaggerated to heighten the humor.
  • Nick's commentary adds a layer of humor and helps to establish his character as someone who enjoys teasing Hopps. However, his lines could be more sharply written to enhance the wit and playfulness of their dynamic.
  • The transition to the pool area is visually interesting, but it could be described with more vivid imagery to better capture the absurdity of the scene. This would help the audience visualize the setting and the characters' reactions more vividly.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with a more engaging hook, perhaps by showing a brief glimpse of the chaotic environment of the Mystic Spring Oasis before introducing Yax. This could set the tone and context more effectively.
  • Enhance Hopps' reaction to Yax's nudity by adding more physical comedy or exaggerated expressions. This could amplify the humor and make her discomfort more relatable to the audience.
  • Refine Nick's dialogue to make it snappier and more clever. Adding a playful jab or a witty remark could strengthen his character and the comedic dynamic between him and Hopps.
  • Add more descriptive language to the setting, particularly when introducing the pool area. This could help paint a clearer picture of the scene and enhance the comedic absurdity of the situation.
  • Consider incorporating a brief moment where Yax demonstrates his laid-back attitude further, perhaps by casually brushing off Hopps' concerns or making a humorous comment about the nudity, which could deepen his character and the comedic tone.



Scene 18 - Naked Truths at the Naturalist Club
EXT. NATURALIST CLUB - COURTYARD - MOMENTS LATER

Nick revels in Hopps’ discomfort over the nude animals
everywhere. Lots of nude animals. Yax leads them, oblivious.
44.


YAX THE HIPPIE YAK
Yeah, some mammals say the
naturalist life is weird, but you
know what I say is weird? Clothes
on animals! Here we go.

Nangi’s engaging in a string of fairly evocative yoga poses.

YAX THE HIPPIE YAK (CONT’D)
As you can see, Nangi’s an
elephant, so she’ll totally
remember everything. Hey Nangi,
these dudes have some questions
about Emmitt the Otter.

NANGI
Who?

YAX
Uh, Emmitt Otterton? Been coming to
your yoga class for like 6 years?

NANGI
I have no memory of this beaver.

JUDY
He’s an otter actually.

YAX
He was here a couple Wednesdays
ago. ‘Member?

NANGI
Nope.

YAX
Yeah, he was wearing a green cable-
knit sweater vest, and new pair of
corduroy slacks. Oh, and a paisley
tie. Sweet Windsor knot. Real
tight. Remember that Nangi?

NANGI
No.

Nangi doesn’t want to be bothered. And she’s useless. Yax is
a gold mine, though! Hopps writes down everything he says.

YAX
Yeah, and we both walked him out
and he got into this big ol’ white
car with a silver trim? Needed a
tune up. The third cylinder wasn’t
firing. ‘Member that, Nangi?
45.


NANGI
Nope.

HOPPS
You didn’t happen to catch the
license plate number, did you?

YAX
Oh, for sure. It was 29THD03.

HOPPS
0, 3... Wow, this is a lot of great
info, thank you.

YAX
Told ya Nangi has a mind like a
steel trap. I wish I had a memory
like an elephant.
Genres: ["Comedy","Mystery"]

Summary In the vibrant courtyard of the Naturalist Club, Nick finds humor in Judy Hopps' discomfort among the nude animals. Yax the Hippie Yak enthusiastically shares details about Emmitt the Otter's last visit, while Nangi the Elephant remains forgetful and unhelpful. Despite Nangi's lack of memory, Yax provides valuable information that aids Hopps in her inquiry, leaving her feeling optimistic about their progress.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Unique character interactions
  • Engaging mystery element
Weaknesses
  • Minimal emotional depth
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, mystery, and character development, making it engaging and entertaining for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating a missing otter in a world of anthropomorphic animals is intriguing and well-executed, adding depth to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Officer Hopps and Nick gather crucial information about the missing otter, setting the stage for further developments in the investigation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original concept of animals in a naturalist club, with humorous interactions and unique character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, including Officer Hopps, Nick, and Yax, are well-developed and showcase their unique personalities through witty dialogue and interactions.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is more on gathering information and building relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to gather information about Emmitt the Otter, despite facing obstacles in the form of Nangi's lack of memory and disinterest.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information about Emmitt the Otter's whereabouts and potentially solve a mystery related to his disappearance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is a mild conflict in terms of finding the missing otter, the scene primarily focuses on humor and character dynamics rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, as the protagonist faces challenges in gathering information from uncooperative characters.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, with the primary focus on gathering information rather than high-intensity action or suspense.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial information about the missing otter and setting up future developments in the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue, character reactions, and the humorous revelations about the missing otter.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of memory and the importance of details in solving a mystery. It challenges the protagonist's belief in the reliability of information and the significance of memory in investigations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

The scene elicits light-hearted emotions and amusement from the audience rather than deep emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals important information about the case, enhancing the character dynamics and engaging the audience.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, quirky characters, and humorous interactions that keep the audience entertained and invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm of dialogue and action, keeping the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding mystery.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue-driven interactions, and a focus on advancing the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses humor to highlight the absurdity of the situation, particularly through Nick's enjoyment of Hopps' discomfort. This dynamic adds a layer of character development, showcasing Nick's playful nature and Hopps' more serious demeanor.
  • Yax's character is well-established as a laid-back, oblivious figure, which contrasts nicely with Hopps' urgency in solving the case. However, Nangi's character feels underdeveloped; her lack of memory could be played for more comedic effect or provide a deeper insight into her personality.
  • The dialogue flows naturally, but there are moments where it could be tightened. For instance, Yax's repeated attempts to jog Nangi's memory could be condensed to maintain pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • The scene does a good job of advancing the plot by providing crucial information about Emmitt Otterton, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional connection. Hopps' frustration with Nangi's lack of help could be emphasized to heighten the stakes of their investigation.
  • The visual elements of the scene are engaging, but the description of the setting could be more vivid. Adding sensory details about the environment, such as the sounds of the yoga class or the atmosphere of the Naturalist Club, would enhance immersion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Hopps expresses her frustration more explicitly, perhaps through a humorous internal monologue or a physical reaction to Nangi's lack of help.
  • Introduce a comedic misunderstanding or miscommunication between Yax and Nangi that could serve to further illustrate their dynamic and provide additional humor.
  • Tighten the dialogue by reducing redundancy in Yax's lines. For example, instead of repeating 'member,' he could use a different phrase to keep the conversation fresh.
  • Enhance the visual description of the setting by incorporating more sensory details, such as the sounds of yoga mats or the scents of incense, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Consider giving Nangi a memorable quirk or catchphrase that could make her character more distinctive and memorable, even if she is ultimately unhelpful.



Scene 19 - Slothful Delays at the DMV
EXT. SAHARA SQUARE - MOMENTS LATER

Nick and Hopps emerge.

NICK
Well, I had a ball. You are welcome
for the clue. And seeing as how any
moron can run a plate, I will take
that pen and bid you adieu.

As Nick reaches to take it, Hopps realizes something and
leaves him hanging.

HOPPS
The plate... I can’t run a plate...
(frustrated grunt)
I’m not in the system yet.

NICK
Give me the pen please.

Hopps gets an idea...

HOPPS
(still withholding pen)
What was it you said? “Any moron
can run a plate?” Gosh... if only
there were a moron around who were
up to the task...

NICK
Rabbit, I did what you asked, you
can’t keep me on the hook forever.
46.


HOPPS
Not forever. Why, I only have 36
hours left to solve this case. So
can you run the plate or not?

NICK
Actually, I just remembered I have
a pal at the DMV...


EXT. DMV - LATER

They arrive at the DMV, the “Department of Mammal Vehicles.”

NICK
Flash is the fastest guy in there,
you need something done, he’s on
it.

HOPPS
I hope so, we are really fighting
the clock and every minute counts.
(suddenly stops, alarmed)
Wait. They’re all sloths?!

Unfortunately, every mammal working there is a... SLOTH.
INSERT: SLOTH EMPLOYEES taking extraordinary amounts of time
to do the simplest of tasks-- stapling, stamping, etc.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
You said this was going to be
quick!

NICK
(faux innocence)
What? Are you saying that because
he’s a sloth, he can’t be fast? I
thought in Zootopia anyone could be
anything.

Nick smiles. Hopps doesn’t. They head to Flash’s station.

NICK (CONT’D)
Flash, Flash, hundred yard dash!
Buddy, it’s nice to see ya.

Flash doesn’t respond. Beat.

FLASH
Nice to...
(beat) (beat)
see you...
(beat) (beat)
too.
47.


Hopps looks like she’s going to die.

NICK
Hey Flash, I’d love ya to meet my
friend-- uh, darlin’ I’ve forgotten
your name.

HOPPS
(fake smile, to Nick)
Officer Judy Hopps, ZPD.
(shows badge)
How are ya?

Flash doesn’t respond... then...

FLASH
I am... doing... just...

HOPPS
Fine?

FLASH
...as well... as... I can... be.
What...

NICK
(to an impatient Hopps)
Hang in there.

FLASH
...can I... do...

HOPPS
Well, I was hoping you could run a
plate--

FLASH
For you...

HOPPS
Well, I was hoping you could--

FLASH
...today.

Hopps pauses-- cautiously optimistic that he’s finished.

HOPPS
Well, I was hoping you could run a
plate for us. We are in a really
big hurry.

Beat. Beat.
48.


FLASH
Sure. What’s the... plate...

HOPPS
2, 9, T--

FLASH
...Number?

Hopps takes a breath.

HOPPS
29THD03.

FLASH
(several beats)
2... 9...

HOPPS
THD03.

FLASH
T.

HOPPS
HD03.

FLASH
H.

HOPPS
D03.

FLASH
D.

HOPPS
Mmhmm. 0, 3.

FLASH
0.

HOPPS
3!

Flash is just about to say three, but...

NICK
Hey Flash, wanna hear a joke?

HOPPS
No!
49.


FLASH
Sure.

NICK
What do you call a three humped
camel?

FLASH
I don’t... know...
(beat)
What... do... you call... a...

HOPPS
Three humped camel.

FLASH
Three humped... camel?

NICK
Pregnant.

Nick laughs at his own joke. Flash doesn’t react, then
finally raises his head with a smile and....

FLASH
Ha... ha... ha... ha...

HOPPS
Ha, ha, yes very funny, very funny,
can we please just focus on the
task--

Flash slowly reaches over to the sloth next to him.

FLASH
Hey... Priscilla...

HOPPS
Oh no!

PRISCILLA
Yes... Flash?

FLASH
What... do...

HOPPS
No!

FLASH
You call... a...
50.


HOPPS
A three humped camel? Pregnant!
Okay, great, we got it, please just-
-

FLASH
Three... humped...

HOPPS
Aggggggghhhhhhh--
Genres: ["Comedy","Mystery"]

Summary In this comedic scene, Nick and Hopps visit the DMV to run a license plate, only to find that the entire staff is made up of sloths. Hopps, anxious to get the information quickly, becomes increasingly frustrated as Flash, the sloth, takes an excruciatingly long time to process their request. Nick tries to lighten the mood with jokes, but the slow pace only adds to Hopps' irritation, culminating in a humorous exchange that highlights the absurdity of the situation.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Unique concept
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly entertaining, with a perfect blend of humor and frustration that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using sloth employees at the DMV to create humor and tension is executed brilliantly.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Officer Hopps and Nick try to run a plate at the DMV, adding to the mystery element of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the buddy cop dynamic by incorporating anthropomorphic characters and exploring themes of prejudice and stereotypes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Officer Hopps and Nick are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there is no significant character change in this scene, it does showcase the dynamic between Officer Hopps and Nick.

Internal Goal: 9

Hopps' internal goal in this scene is to prove herself as a capable officer and solve the case within the time limit. This reflects her deeper need for validation and recognition in a society where she is underestimated.

External Goal: 8

Hopps' external goal is to run a license plate to gather information for the case she is working on. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in solving the mystery.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict arises from the frustration of dealing with the slow sloth employees at the DMV.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the challenge of working with slow-moving sloths adding a layer of difficulty and humor to the task at hand.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on humor and character dynamics.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new lead in the investigation and showcasing the characters' resourcefulness.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twist of all DMV employees being sloths, adding a comedic element and raising the stakes for Hopps.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of stereotypes and preconceived notions. Hopps challenges Nick's assumptions about sloths and their abilities, highlighting the theme of not judging based on appearances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from amusement to frustration, but doesn't delve deeply into emotional depth.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and drives the scene forward with comedic timing.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, comedic moments, and the tension created by the time limit for solving the case.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of comedic beats, character interactions, and tension-building moments that keep the audience invested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following industry standards for screenplay format and enhancing readability.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a comedic buddy cop genre, with a setup, conflict, and resolution that keeps the audience engaged.


Critique
  • The scene effectively utilizes humor through the slow-paced interactions with the sloth characters, particularly Flash. This comedic timing contrasts well with the urgency of Hopps and Nick's mission, creating a delightful tension that keeps the audience engaged.
  • Nick's playful banter and the way he teases Hopps about the sloths add depth to their relationship, showcasing their dynamic as partners. However, the humor can sometimes overshadow the urgency of their task, which may confuse the audience about the stakes involved.
  • The dialogue is witty and captures the characters' personalities well, but it could benefit from a bit more variation in pacing. The repetitive nature of Flash's slow speech, while funny, risks losing the audience's attention if it goes on too long without a shift in focus or urgency.
  • The scene's visual elements, such as the sloth employees and their exaggeratedly slow movements, are effective in establishing the DMV as a comedic setting. However, the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more visual gags or reactions from Hopps and Nick to emphasize their frustration and impatience.
  • The climax of the scene, where Hopps is exasperated by the slow pace, is well-executed, but it could be more impactful if it were paired with a stronger emotional reaction from her. This would help to reinforce her determination and the stakes of their investigation.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain a balance between humor and urgency. This could involve reducing the number of repetitive jokes and focusing on the main objective of running the license plate.
  • Introduce a visual gag or reaction from Hopps or Nick that highlights their frustration with the sloths, such as Hopps tapping her foot impatiently or Nick rolling his eyes, to enhance the comedic effect.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a moment where Hopps expresses her frustration more explicitly, perhaps through a humorous outburst or a clever remark that underscores her determination to solve the case despite the delays.
  • Incorporate a moment where Nick's humor backfires, leading to a consequence that adds to the urgency of the situation, such as Flash getting distracted and forgetting the plate number, which would heighten the stakes.
  • Consider varying the pacing of Flash's dialogue to create a more dynamic rhythm in the scene. This could involve interspersing quicker exchanges between Hopps and Nick to contrast with Flash's slow speech, keeping the audience engaged.



Scene 20 - DMV Dilemmas
INT. DMV - LATER

A slow DOT-MATRIX printer spits out the address for CAR
LICENSE PLATE NUMBER: 29THD03.

FLASH
Here...

HOPPS
Yeah, yeah, yeah... thank you!

FLASH
You... go.

HOPPS
(frantically reads)
29THD03-- it’s registered to...
Tundratown Limo Service? A limo
took Otterton, and the limo’s in
Tundratown-- it’s in Tundratown!

NICK
Way to hustle, bud. I love ya. I
owe ya.

HOPPS
Hurry, we gotta beat the rush hour
and--


EXT. DMV - CONTINUOUS

They go outside. It’s night.

HOPPS
IT’S NIGHT?!


EXT. SNOWY LOT - MOMENTS LATER

Nick and Hopps reach LEGITIMATE ENTERPRISE CAR SERVICE. Hopps
tries to open the lock.
51.


HOPPS
Closed. Great.

NICK
Mm. And I will betcha you don’t
have a warrant to get in. Hm? Darn
it. It’s a bummer.

There’s a big gated parking lot which is chained shut... but
they can see a few limos parking inside, covered in snow.

HOPPS
You wasted the day on purpose.

NICK
Madam, I have a fake badge. I would
never impede your pretend
investigation.

HOPPS
It’s not a pretend investigation!
Look, see--
(showing picture of
Otterton)
See him? This otter is missing.

NICK
Well then they should have gotten a
real cop to find him.

HOPPS
What is your problem? Does seeing
me fail somehow make you feel
better about your own sad,
miserable life?

Nick considers this for a moment.

NICK
It does. One hundred percent.
(then)
Now... since you’re sans warrant, I
guess we’re done?

Hopps considers this and sighs, defeated.

HOPPS
Fine. We are done. Here’s your pen.

Hopps then casually throws it over the fence behind her.

NICK
Hey!
(staring at the pen)
(MORE)
52.

NICK (CONT'D)
First off, you throw like a bunny,
second, you’re a very sore loser.
(starts to climb)
See ya later, Officer Fluff, so sad
this is over, I wish I could’ve
helped more.

Nick jumps down onto the other side, but just as he reaches
for the pen, Hopps is suddenly right there and snatches it.

HOPPS
The thing is, you don’t need a
warrant if you have probable cause,
and I’m pretty sure I saw a shifty
low-life climbing the fence, so
you’re helping plenty. Come on.

Hopps cheerfully heads off. Nick watches her, not quite
smiling, but he’s starting to respect his opponent.
Genres: ["Comedy","Action","Adventure"]

Summary In this scene, Hopps and Nick visit the DMV to track down a car linked to a missing otter. After discovering the vehicle belongs to Tundratown Limo Service, they rush outside only to find the service closed. Nick teases Hopps about her lack of a warrant, but she cleverly uses probable cause to justify their investigation, leading to a playful yet tense exchange. Ultimately, Hopps's determination convinces Nick to assist her, showcasing their evolving partnership amidst humor and urgency.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, entertaining, and effectively sets up the dynamic between the two main characters while advancing the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a bunny cop and a sly fox teaming up to solve a mystery in a city of anthropomorphic animals is unique and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the characters follow a lead to find a missing otter, leading to a confrontation and a new development in their relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as anthropomorphic animals in a modern city setting, blending humor with mystery, and exploring themes of teamwork and overcoming stereotypes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde are well-developed, with distinct personalities and a complex dynamic that drives the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Both Judy and Nick undergo subtle changes in their perceptions of each other, setting the stage for further development in their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Hopps' internal goal is to prove herself as a capable and competent officer despite facing obstacles and skepticism from others. This reflects her deeper desire for validation and respect in a male-dominated profession.

External Goal: 7

Hopps' external goal is to find the missing otter, Otterton, and solve the case. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in her investigation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict between Judy and Nick, both in their banter and in their differing approaches to the investigation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Nick challenging Hopps' beliefs and pushing her to confront her own insecurities. The audience is left wondering how their dynamic will evolve.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Judy and Nick uncover a lead that could potentially solve the mystery of the missing otter.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by providing crucial information and advancing the investigation into the missing otter case.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' actions and the shifting dynamics between Hopps and Nick. The audience is kept on their toes wondering how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Hopps' belief in justice and Nick's cynical view of the world. This challenges Hopps' optimistic worldview and forces her to confront the harsh realities of the city.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

While there are moments of humor and tension, the emotional impact is not the primary focus of the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The witty and sarcastic dialogue between Judy and Nick adds humor and depth to the scene, showcasing their personalities and relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and the sense of mystery and urgency in the investigation. The humor and tension keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a good balance of dialogue and action. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines are concise and effective.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and character development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively maintains the comedic tone established in previous interactions between Hopps and Nick, particularly through the use of witty banter and Nick's sarcastic remarks. However, the pacing could be improved; the transition from the DMV to the outside scene feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother flow to maintain the audience's engagement.
  • The dialogue is sharp and showcases the characters' personalities well, but there are moments where it feels slightly repetitive, particularly in Nick's teasing. This could be streamlined to enhance the overall impact of the humor without diluting the tension of the situation.
  • The stakes are clear with the urgency of finding the missing otter, but the scene could benefit from a stronger visual representation of that urgency. For instance, incorporating more frantic actions from Hopps as she realizes the time lost could heighten the tension and make her determination more palpable.
  • Nick's character development is subtly hinted at through his growing respect for Hopps, but this could be emphasized further. A moment of internal conflict or a brief flashback could deepen the audience's understanding of why he is initially resistant to helping her, adding layers to his character.
  • The use of the pen as a plot device is clever, but it could be more visually emphasized. Perhaps showing Hopps' attachment to the pen earlier in the scene would make its toss over the fence more impactful, symbolizing her frustration and determination.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Hopps expresses her frustration more physically, such as pacing or fidgeting, to visually convey her urgency and anxiety about the case.
  • Streamline Nick's dialogue to avoid redundancy. Instead of repeating similar jokes, introduce new lines that still capture his humor but also push the narrative forward.
  • Enhance the transition between the DMV and the outside scene by including a line or action that connects the two locations, such as Hopps glancing at the clock or a passing vehicle that emphasizes the time of day.
  • Incorporate a moment where Nick reflects on his past experiences with authority figures, which could provide insight into his reluctance to assist Hopps and create a more dynamic character arc.
  • Make the pen a more significant symbol throughout the scene by showing Hopps using it in a way that highlights her determination, making its toss over the fence a more poignant moment.



Scene 21 - Confrontation at Mr. Big's Car
EXT. PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER

Hopps wipes snow off a back bumper: LICENSE PLATE 29THD03.

HOPPS
29THD03... this is it.


INT. REFRIGOUSINE - MOMENTS LATER

They open the big door, which looks like it belongs on a
refrigerator. As they snoop around, Hopps uses tweezers to
pick up a clump of fur.

HOPPS
Polar bear fur.

NICK
(opening glove box)
OH MY GOD!

HOPPS
What? What?!

Hopps looks up, only to see Nick holding some JERRY VOLE CDs.

NICK
The Velvety Pipes of Jerry Vole!
But on CD? Who still uses CDs?

As Hopps rolls her eyes and goes back to collecting clues,
Nick lowers the back partition and his eyes go wide.
53.


NICK (CONT’D)
Carrots...? If your otter was
here... he had a very bad day.

Hopps’ flashlight reveals CLAW MARKS covering the back seat.

HOPPS
Those are... claw marks. You ever
seen anything like this?

NICK
No.

Through the fog on the floor Hopps spots a wallet.

HOPPS
Oh, wait. Look.

They slink back into the back seat. Hopps opens up the wallet
to find a drivers license for Mr. Otterton.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
This is him. Emmitt Otterton. He
was definitely here. What do you
think happened?

Nick spots a cocktail glass... it’s etched with a “B.”

NICK
Well, now wait a minute...
(then, suspicious)
Polar bear fur... Rat Pack music...
fancy cup...
(suddenly terrified)
I know whose car this is. We gotta
go!

HOPPS
Why? Whose car is it?

Nick tries to put everything back the way he found it.

NICK
The most feared crime boss in
Tundratown. They call him Mr. Big
and he does not like me, so we
gotta go!

HOPPS
I’m not leaving, this is a crime
scene.
54.


NICK
Well, it’s gonna be an even bigger
crime scene if Mr. Big finds me
here, so we’re leaving right now!

Nick ushers Hopps to the door, but opens it to find two big
POLAR BEARS.

NICK (CONT’D)
(faux excitement)
Raymond! And, is that Kevin?! Long
time no see. And speaking of no
see, how about you forget you saw
me? Huh? For old time’s sake?

The polar bears grab Nick and Hopps by their throats...

NICK (CONT’D)
That’s a no.

...and yank them off screen.
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Mystery"]

Summary In a tense and comedic scene, Hopps and Nick investigate a car belonging to Mr. Otterton, uncovering polar bear fur and claw marks. Nick realizes the car is linked to the feared crime boss Mr. Big and urges Hopps to leave. Despite his warnings, Hopps remains determined to gather clues, leading to a conflict between their approaches. The situation escalates when they are confronted by two polar bears, resulting in them being yanked off-screen, heightening the suspense.
Strengths
  • Engaging blend of action, comedy, and mystery
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Suspenseful discovery of clues
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of significant character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends action, comedy, and mystery elements to create an engaging and entertaining sequence. The suspenseful discovery of clues and the humorous interactions between the characters keep the audience invested in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating a potential crime scene tied to a missing otter is intriguing and well-executed. The scene effectively introduces clues and builds suspense, setting the stage for further developments in the plot.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene as Officer Hopps and Nick uncover crucial clues related to the missing otter case. The discovery of polar bear fur and claw marks adds depth to the mystery and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as a refrigerousine, a mysterious crime boss named Mr. Big, and a blend of humor and suspense in a crime investigation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Officer Hopps and Nick showcase their unique personalities and dynamic relationship in this scene. Hopps is determined and focused on solving the case, while Nick adds humor and wit to the investigation. Their interactions drive the scene forward and keep the audience engaged.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamic between Officer Hopps and Nick evolves as they face new challenges and obstacles together. Their interactions reveal more about their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to solve the mystery of what happened to Mr. Otterton and uncover the truth behind the clues found in the car. This reflects Hopps' desire to prove herself as a capable detective and her fear of failure in solving the case.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the crime scene and gather evidence to solve the case. This reflects the immediate challenge of uncovering the truth behind Mr. Otterton's disappearance and potentially facing danger from Mr. Big.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the discovery of clues that point to a dangerous crime boss, Mr. Big. The tension escalates as Nick tries to protect himself and Hopps insists on staying to investigate, leading to a high-stakes confrontation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing danger from Mr. Big and his associates, creating a sense of suspense and uncertainty about their fate.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Officer Hopps and Nick uncover clues that point to a dangerous crime boss, Mr. Big. The looming threat adds tension and urgency to the investigation, raising the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing crucial clues and escalating the mystery surrounding the missing otter case. The discovery of polar bear fur and claw marks leads to new revelations and sets the stage for further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of polar bears, the revelation of Mr. Big's involvement, and the unexpected turn of events that leave the characters in a dangerous situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between following the rules and regulations of a crime scene investigation versus prioritizing personal safety and avoiding confrontation with dangerous individuals. This challenges Hopps' beliefs in upholding the law while also protecting herself and her partner.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a range of emotions from the audience, including suspense, humor, and concern. The discovery of the clues and the looming threat of Mr. Big create a sense of urgency and danger, heightening the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is witty, engaging, and reveals the personalities of the characters. The banter between Officer Hopps and Nick adds humor and depth to their relationship, enhancing the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the blend of mystery, humor, and suspense, the dynamic between the characters, and the escalating tension as they uncover clues and face danger.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, alternating between moments of investigation and action, and maintaining a sense of urgency as the characters uncover new information.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a mystery-crime genre, with a clear setup, investigation, and escalating tension leading to a cliffhanger ending.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and humor through the contrast between Hopps's determination to gather evidence and Nick's fear of Mr. Big. This dynamic showcases their differing personalities and adds depth to their partnership.
  • The dialogue is engaging and captures the characters' voices well. Nick's sarcastic remarks about the CDs and the situation provide comic relief, while Hopps's focus on the investigation highlights her dedication.
  • The visual elements, such as the polar bear fur and claw marks, create a vivid picture of the crime scene, enhancing the stakes of their investigation. However, the description of the setting could be more detailed to immerse the audience further in the environment.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the discovery of the wallet to the revelation of Mr. Big's identity feels slightly rushed. A moment of reflection or a brief exchange could heighten the tension before the polar bears appear.
  • The ending is effective in creating suspense, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional reaction from Hopps. Her determination to stay at the crime scene is admirable, but a moment of fear or realization about the danger they are in could enhance the stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the setting, such as sounds or smells, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Introduce a brief moment of hesitation or realization for Hopps when Nick mentions Mr. Big, which could heighten the tension and emphasize the danger they are in.
  • Explore the emotional stakes for both characters more deeply. For instance, Hopps could express concern for Nick's safety, which would add depth to their relationship and the urgency of the situation.
  • Incorporate a visual gag or comedic moment as they try to hide from the polar bears, which could enhance the humor while maintaining the tension of the scene.
  • Consider extending the dialogue between Nick and Hopps just before the polar bears appear to build suspense and allow for more character development.



Scene 22 - A Close Call with Mr. Big
INT. POLAR BEAR CAR - MOMENTS LATER

VROOM! A car whizzes by. Inside, Nick and Hopps sit nervously
in the back seat, sandwiched between the polar bears-- one of
whom casually scrolls through Zoogle Photos on his phone.

HOPPS
What did you do that made Mr. Big
so mad at you?

NICK
(sotto)
I uh, I may have sold him a very
expensive wool rug... that was made
from the fur of a... skunk’s butt.

HOPPS
(pissed at Nick)
Oh, sweet cheese and crackers.

Pull out to reveal the car passing through the security gate
of a residential compound. A POLAR BEAR GUARD lets them in.


INT. MR. BIG’S RESIDENCE - MOMENTS LATER

Nick and Hopps are shoved into a room that’s right out of The
Godfather. A POLAR BEAR enters...
55.


HOPPS
(sotto)
Is that Mr. Big?

NICK
(sotto)
No.

Now an even BIGGER POLAR BEAR enters...

HOPPS
What about him? Is that him?

NICK
(sotto, frustrated)
No.

...and then another. The BIGGEST POLAR BEAR yet...

HOPPS
That’s gotta be him.

NICK
Stop talking stop talking stop
talking--

The huge polar bear growls at Nick, then reveals a tiny chair
upon which sits... a TEENY, TINY ARCTIC SHREW... this is MR.
BIG. He sounds like Marlon Brando sped up to 78 rpm.

NICK (CONT’D)
Mr. Big, sir, this is a simple
misunder-

Mr. Big holds out a TINY FINGER for NICK to KISS HIS RING.
Nick painstakingly does so.

NICK (CONT’D)
This is a simple misunderstanding.

Mr. Big motions for Nick to shut up.

MR. BIG
You come here unannounced... on the
day my daughter is to be married?

NICK
Well actually we were brought here
against our will, so...
(Mr. Big is not impressed)
Point is, I did not know it was
your car, and I certainly did not
know about your daughter’s wedding.
56.


MR. BIG
I trusted you, Nicky... I welcomed
you into my home... we broke bread
together... Gram-mama made you her
cannoli. And how did you repay my
generosity? With a rug... made from
the butt of a skunk. A skunk butt
rug. You disrespected me. You
disrespected my gram-mama who I
buried in that skunk butt rug. I
told you never to show your face
here again, but here you are,
snooping around with this...
(re. Hopps)
What are you, a performer? What’s
with the costume?

HOPPS
Sir, I am a c--

NICK
Mime! She is a mime. This mime,
cannot speak. You can’t speak if
you’re a mime.

HOPPS
No. I am a cop. And I’m on the
Emmitt Otterton case, and my
evidence puts him in your car, so
intimidate me all you want, I’m
going to find out what you did to
that otter if it’s the last thing I
do.

Mr. Big considers this and makes that little grunt.

MR. BIG
Then I have only one request: say
hello to Gram-mama. Ice ‘em!

The Polar Bears snatch Nick and Hopps.

NICK
Whoa-- I didn’t see nothing-- I’m
not saying nothing--

MR. BIG
And you never will--

The polar bears open a hidden door on the floor, revealing an
icy pool beneath.
57.


NICK
Please! No no no! If you’re mad at
me about the rug I’ve got more
rugs!

Nick and Hopps are about to be dumped in, when--

FRU FRU SHREW
Oh, Daddy, it’s time for our dance.
(sees them trying to kill
Nick)
What did we say? No icing anyone at
my wedding!

MR. BIG
I have to, baby. Daddy has to.
(to Thugs)
Ice ‘em.

Nick and Hopps scream and--

FRU FRU SHREW
Wait. WAIT! She’s the bunny that
saved my life yesterday. From that
giant donut.

MR. BIG
This bunny?

FRU FRU SHREW
Yeah. Hi!

HOPPS
Hi.
(warm, whisper)
I love your dress.

FRU FRU SHREW
Aw, thank you.

Mr. Big motions for the Polar Bears to put Hopps down.

MR. BIG
Put ‘em down.
(then, to Hopps)
You have done me a great service.
I will help you find the otter. I
will take your kindness... and pay
it forward.

Hopps and Mr. Big kiss on the cheeks. Nick stares at them...
What is happening?
58.
Genres: ["Comedy","Crime","Adventure"]

Summary Nick and Hopps find themselves in a precarious situation at Mr. Big's luxurious residence after Nick's dubious dealings. Mr. Big, furious over a skunk butt rug, threatens them with his polar bear enforcers. Tension rises until Fru Fru, Mr. Big's daughter, intervenes, reminding her father of Hopps' past heroism. This plea shifts the mood from danger to cooperation, leading Mr. Big to agree to assist Hopps in her quest to find the otter.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Unique concept
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Stereotypical mafia setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines humor, tension, and character dynamics to create an engaging and memorable sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a small shrew as a powerful crime boss is innovative and adds a fresh twist to the typical mafia boss archetype. The scene effectively utilizes this concept to create humor and tension.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as Hopps and Nick confront Mr. Big, leading to a crucial development in their investigation of the missing otter case. The scene is pivotal in setting up future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the mafia genre by incorporating animal characters and playful dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Mr. Big, Nick, and Hopps, are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward. Each character's personality shines through in their dialogue and actions.

Character Changes: 7

Hopps undergoes a subtle shift in her approach to the case, showing determination and defiance in the face of danger. This sets the stage for her character growth throughout the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate a dangerous situation and prove their worth to Mr. Big. This reflects their deeper need for acceptance and redemption, as well as their fear of failure and rejection.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to solve the case of the missing otter and gain Mr. Big's cooperation. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the need to prove themselves as capable detectives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Nick, Hopps, and Mr. Big creates tension and drives the scene forward. The high stakes of the situation add to the intensity of the confrontation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple challenges and obstacles that add to the suspense and uncertainty of the situation.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of confronting a powerful crime boss and the threat of danger add intensity to the scene, raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the missing otter case and setting up future plot developments. It propels the investigation into new territory.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, turns, and character revelations that keep the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around loyalty, trust, and the consequences of betrayal. Mr. Big's sense of honor clashes with Nick's deception, challenging the protagonist's beliefs about integrity and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

While the scene is primarily focused on humor and tension, there are moments of emotional connection, especially between Hopps and Mr. Big's daughter, Fru Fru. These moments add depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled with humor. It effectively conveys the tension between the characters while also providing comedic relief.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, tension, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing tension, humor, and character interactions to keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that propel the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and humor through the contrast between Nick's nervousness and the absurdity of the situation with Mr. Big. The comedic timing is well-executed, particularly with Nick's attempts to downplay the seriousness of his past actions.
  • The dialogue is sharp and engaging, particularly the exchanges between Nick and Hopps. However, some lines could be tightened for brevity and impact. For example, Mr. Big's monologue about the skunk butt rug is amusing but could be streamlined to maintain pacing.
  • The visual elements are strong, especially the juxtaposition of the intimidating polar bears with the tiny Mr. Big. This contrast enhances the comedic effect and reinforces the theme of appearances versus reality.
  • The character dynamics are well-established, with Nick's fear of Mr. Big and Hopps's determination to solve the case. However, there could be more exploration of Hopps's character in this scene, as she primarily reacts to Nick and Mr. Big rather than driving the narrative herself.
  • The introduction of Fru Fru adds a nice twist, but her character could be developed further to enhance the emotional stakes. Her relationship with Mr. Big could be more explicitly defined to create a stronger connection to the plot.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening Mr. Big's dialogue to maintain the scene's pacing. Focus on the most impactful lines that convey his anger and the stakes involved.
  • Explore Hopps's character more deeply in this scene. Perhaps include a moment where she reflects on her determination to prove herself, which could add depth to her interactions with Mr. Big.
  • Develop Fru Fru's character further by giving her a line that highlights her relationship with her father or her perspective on the situation, which could add emotional weight to the scene.
  • Incorporate more physical comedy or visual gags to enhance the humor, especially in the interactions between Nick, Hopps, and the polar bears. This could help balance the tension with levity.
  • Consider adding a moment of realization for Nick when he understands the gravity of the situation, which could heighten the stakes and deepen his character arc.



Scene 23 - A Wedding with a Dark Twist
INT. WEDDING RECEPTION - A LITTLE LATER

A lavish celebration full of arctic animals dancing. We find
Nick and Hopps at the head table, next to Mr. Big. They all
eat TINY pieces of WEDDING CAKE.

MR. BIG
Otterton is my florist. He’s like a
part of the family. He had
something important he wanted to
discuss. That’s why I sent that car
to pick him up. But he never
arrived.

HOPPS
Because he was attacked.

MR. BIG
No... he attacked.

HOPPS
Otterton?

MR. BIG
Otterton. He went crazy. Ripped up
the car, scared my driver half to
death and disappeared into the
night.

HOPPS
He’s a sweet little otter.

MR. BIG
My child, we may be evolved... but
deep down we are still animals.

Nick and Hopps trade a worried glance. OVER THE FOLLOWING WE
CROSS-DISSOLVE TO NICK AND HOPPS WALKING IN THE RAINFOREST:

MR. BIG (V.O.)(CONT’D)
You want to find Otterton... talk
to the driver of the car. His
name’s Manchas, lives in the
Rainforest District. Only he can
tell you more.
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary At a whimsical wedding reception for arctic animals, Nick and Hopps sit with Mr. Big, who reveals the alarming news that his florist, Otterton, has gone missing after attacking a driver. Concerned about Otterton's primal instincts resurfacing, Mr. Big urges Nick and Hopps to find the driver, Manchas, for more information. The scene is filled with tension as the characters grapple with the unexpected violence amidst the festive atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and suspense
  • Introduction of key character Mr. Big
  • Revelation of crucial plot information
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth in some interactions
  • Some dialogue exchanges feel slightly forced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor with a crucial plot development, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering the truth behind Otterton's disappearance is compelling and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 7

The plot thickens with the revelation that Otterton may have been involved in unexpected behavior, adding complexity to the investigation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the detective genre by incorporating anthropomorphic animals and exploring themes of evolution and primal instincts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The introduction of Mr. Big as a key player adds depth to the character dynamics and raises the stakes for the protagonists.

Character Changes: 6

The characters experience a shift in their understanding of the case, leading to new perspectives and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the mysterious behavior of Otterton and uncover the truth behind his disappearance. This reflects Judy Hopps' deeper desire to prove herself as a capable and competent police officer.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find Otterton and solve the case of his disappearance. This reflects the immediate challenge Judy Hopps is facing in her career as a police officer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between the characters' perceptions and the reality of Otterton's actions creates tension and intrigue.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create suspense and uncertainty about the outcome of the investigation.

High Stakes: 7

The revelation of Otterton's unexpected behavior raises the stakes for the protagonists and adds urgency to the investigation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information and setting up the next phase of the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a twist in Otterton's behavior, challenging the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the idea of evolution versus primal instincts. Mr. Big's statement about animals being evolved but still having primal instincts challenges Judy Hopps' belief in the inherent goodness of all animals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from humor to concern, keeping the audience emotionally engaged.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys both humor and tension, reflecting the conflicting emotions of the characters in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor with suspense, keeping the audience interested in the unfolding mystery.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by smoothly transitioning between different settings and maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, transitioning smoothly from a social event to a crucial conversation about the case.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses the wedding reception setting to create a contrast between the celebratory atmosphere and the serious conversation about Otterton's disappearance. This juxtaposition adds depth to the narrative, highlighting the tension between the light-heartedness of the event and the gravity of the situation.
  • Mr. Big's dialogue is impactful, as it introduces a significant theme regarding the primal instincts of animals, which resonates throughout the story. However, the line 'we may be evolved... but deep down we are still animals' could be more nuanced to avoid sounding overly didactic. It would benefit from a more subtle delivery or additional context to enhance its thematic weight.
  • The transition from the wedding reception to the Rainforest District is visually interesting, but the cross-dissolve could be more effectively utilized to emphasize the urgency of the situation. As it stands, the transition feels somewhat abrupt and could be enhanced with a more dynamic visual or auditory cue that reflects the shift in tone.
  • The dialogue between Hopps and Mr. Big is engaging, but it could be improved by adding more emotional stakes for Hopps. As a character who is deeply invested in solving the case, her reactions to Mr. Big's revelations could be more pronounced, showcasing her determination and concern for Otterton.
  • Nick's reaction to the conversation is noted, but it lacks a clear emotional response that would deepen the audience's connection to his character. Adding a line or two that reflects his internal conflict or concern could enhance the scene's emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Mr. Big's line about evolution to make it feel more organic and less like a moral lesson. Perhaps he could share a personal anecdote that illustrates his point, making it more relatable.
  • Enhance the transition to the Rainforest District by incorporating sound effects or visuals that reflect the change in environment, such as the sounds of the rainforest or a visual cue that highlights the urgency of their mission.
  • Add more emotional depth to Hopps' reactions during the conversation with Mr. Big. This could involve her expressing disbelief or concern about Otterton's behavior, which would help the audience connect with her character's motivations.
  • Include a moment where Nick expresses his own concerns or fears about the situation, which would add complexity to his character and strengthen the dynamic between him and Hopps.
  • Consider using a more dynamic visual technique during the cross-dissolve to emphasize the urgency of the situation, such as a quick montage of the wedding celebration juxtaposed with images of the Rainforest District, to create a stronger narrative flow.



Scene 24 - Savage Encounter in the Rainforest
EXT. “RAINFOREST DISTRICT” - LATER THAT NIGHT

Nick and Hopps make their way across a mossy rope bridge high
above the forest floor. It leads to a moss-covered apartment.
59.


EXT. “THE CANOPY” - MOMENTS LATER

At the door of the DRIVER’S APARTMENT, they ring the bell.

HOPPS
Mr. Manchas? Judy Hopps, ZPD. We
just want to know what happened to
Emmitt Otterton.

Beat. The door creaks open.

MANCHAS (MUFFLED INSIDE)
You should be asking... what
happened to me.

The door opens to the chain, revealing... MANCHAS is... a
HUGE JAGUAR-- but he’s been badly beaten up. He has a black
eye, and a scratches. Nick and Hopps are taken aback.

NICK
Whoa. A teensy otter... did that?

HOPPS
What... happened?

Off Manchas’s look, we

CUT TO:


A FLASHBACK --

Manchas is driving when he’s attacked from the back seat.

MANCHAS (THROUGH DOOR GAP)
He was an animal... down on all
fours... he was a savage.

The car spins out. Emmitt growls at Manchas then runs off.

BACK TO:


THE CANOPY --

MANCHAS
(haunted)
There was no warning, he just kept
yelling about the “night howlers.”
Over and over, “the night
howlers...”

Nick and Hopps share a subtle look-- they have no idea what
“night howlers” are.
60.


NICK
Oh. So you know about the night
howlers too? Good, good, good.
Because the night howlers are
exactly what we are here to talk
about.
(to Judy)
Right?

HOPPS
Yep. So, uh, you just open the door
and tell us what you know and we
will tell you what we know. Okay?

MANCHAS
(considering)
Okay.

Manchas closes the door and starts to unlock a series of
deadbolts. Judy gives Nick an impressed look.

HOPPS
Clever fox.

There’s a commotion inside, followed by a scream.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Mr. Manchas?

The door creaks open just an inch. Nick and Hopps seem
startled... Hopps slowly pushes the door open, revealing
Manchas in the center of the room, hunched over and grunting.

NICK
Buddy?

HOPPS
Are you... okay?

Hopps looks at Manchas.

RAAAGH!!! Manchas turns, right at them. His eyes are dilated,
he’s turned savage! He’s poised to pounce on Nick and Hopps.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Run. RUN!

The Jaguar tears after them, he’s deranged, primal. Nick and
Hopps run! The jaguar is closing in.

NICK
What is wrong with him?!
61.


HOPPS
I don’t know!!

Nick and Hopps run across the bridge. Manchas closes in.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Jump!

They jump off the bridge to a lower branch. They duck into a
hollow log and Manchas follows them.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
(to Nick)
Head down!

Hopps frantically picks up her police radio.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Officer Hopps to dispatch!
Genres: ["Mystery","Action","Comedy"]

Summary In the Rainforest District, Nick and Hopps find Manchas, a jaguar who has been attacked and is distressed. He reveals that Emmitt Otterton assaulted him and mentioned 'the night howlers.' As they try to gather more information, Manchas suddenly turns savage, forcing Nick and Hopps to flee for their lives, leaving them without the answers they sought.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of mystery, action, and comedy
  • Strong character dynamics
  • High level of suspense and tension
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Character changes could be more pronounced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively blends suspense, humor, and intensity, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued throughout. The unexpected turn of events with the savage jaguar adds a thrilling element to the investigation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring primal instincts and mysterious disappearances in the animal world is intriguing and well-executed. The introduction of the 'night howlers' adds depth to the storyline and raises questions that drive the plot forward.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a strong focus on unraveling the mystery of Emmitt Otterton's disappearance. The introduction of the savage jaguar adds a new layer of complexity and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the detective genre by incorporating anthropomorphic animals and exploring themes of primal instincts and societal conflict. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Officer Hopps and Nick are well-defined and their dynamic is engaging. The introduction of Manchas as a savage jaguar adds a new dimension to the story and challenges the characters in unexpected ways.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, particularly Officer Hopps and Nick, are challenged by the encounter with the savage jaguar, forcing them to confront their fears and adapt to the dangerous situation. This experience leads to growth and development for both characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the mysterious 'night howlers' and solve the case of Emmitt Otterton's disappearance. This reflects Judy Hopps' deeper desire to prove herself as a capable police officer and make a difference in the world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information from Mr. Manchas about the night howlers and Emmitt Otterton's disappearance. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of solving the case and uncovering the truth.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing danger from the savage jaguar and racing against time to uncover the truth about Emmitt Otterton's disappearance. The tension is palpable and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Manchas's sudden transformation posing a significant threat to the protagonists. The audience is left uncertain of how the characters will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing danger from the savage jaguar and racing against time to uncover the truth about Emmitt Otterton's disappearance. The unexpected turn of events adds a sense of urgency and danger to the investigation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing new information about Emmitt Otterton's disappearance and introducing the mystery of the 'night howlers.' The encounter with the savage jaguar propels the investigation in a new direction and raises the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift in Manchas's behavior, turning from a helpful informant to a dangerous threat. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will escape the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of savagery and primal instincts within the animal society. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the nature of the world and the potential dangers that exist.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from suspense and shock to humor and curiosity. The unexpected turn of events with the savage jaguar adds an emotional depth to the investigation and raises the stakes for the characters.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying the characters' emotions and driving the plot forward. There are moments of humor and tension that add depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful atmosphere, and intriguing mystery. The audience is drawn into the characters' plight and invested in the outcome of the scene.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension, a climactic confrontation with Manchas, and a frantic escape sequence. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness in keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a mystery genre, with a buildup of tension, a reveal of new information, and a cliffhanger ending. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by introducing Manchas as a character who has been attacked, creating an immediate sense of danger. The use of a flashback to reveal the attack adds depth to the narrative and provides context for the characters' urgency.
  • The dialogue between Nick and Hopps is engaging and showcases their dynamic well. Nick's sarcastic remark about the otter being able to inflict such damage adds humor to an otherwise tense situation, balancing the tone effectively.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up to the moment when Manchas turns savage. This escalation keeps the audience on edge and heightens the stakes for the characters.
  • However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights of the Rainforest District could immerse the audience further into the setting.
  • The transition from the dialogue to the action sequence could be smoother. The moment when Manchas turns savage feels a bit abrupt; a more gradual build-up to his transformation could enhance the shock value and make the moment more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory descriptions to create a vivid atmosphere. For example, describe the sounds of the rainforest, the humidity in the air, or the visual details of the apartment to enhance immersion.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or fear from Hopps and Nick before Manchas turns savage. This could heighten the tension and make the sudden shift in Manchas's behavior more shocking.
  • Explore the emotional reactions of Nick and Hopps as they witness Manchas's transformation. Adding internal thoughts or brief exchanges could deepen their character development and heighten the stakes.
  • To improve the transition to the action sequence, consider adding a line or two that foreshadows Manchas's potential danger before he turns savage, creating a sense of dread that culminates in the chase.



Scene 25 - Determined to Investigate
INT. POLICE STATION - DISPATCH - SAME

We find Clawhauser showing a handcuffed PERP a video on his
phone of pop star Gazelle singing and dancing. A RED LIGHT
blinks on the desk phone, but Clawhauser ignores it.

CLAWHAUSER
Are you familiar with Gazelle?
Greatest singer of our lifetime--
angel with horns-- okay, hold on,
keep watching. Who’s that beside
her? Who is it?

Reveal: Clawhauser is dancing on stage with Gazelle.

GAZELLE (ON PHONE)
Wow, you are one hot dancer...
(digitized robo-voice)
...BENJAMIN CLAWHAUSER.

CLAWHAUSER
(joyous laughter)
It’s me! Did you think it was real?
It looks so real! It’s not. It’s
just a new app.
(finally notices ringing
phone)
Hold on a second--

Clawhauser clicks the speaker button and--

HOPPS (V.O.)
CLAWHAUSER!
Blue Rev. (mm/dd/yy) 62.


EXT. THE CANOPY - SAME

RAAGH! Manchas takes a swipe at Nick.

HOPPS
Clawhauser, listen to me! We have a
10-91! Jaguar gone savage! Vine and
Tu-junja!

NICK
It’s Tujunga!

As they emerge from the log, Hopps slips, dropping her radio.

CLAWHAUSER (ON RADIO)
Okay, we’re sending back up! Hopps?
HOPPS?!

Nick and Hopps run, sliding around a corner. Ahead is a
gondola station.

HOPPS
There! Head to the skytrams!

They run to the gondolas. Hopps darts out of Manchas’ way,
but slips and is headed off the platform when she manages to
grab on-- dangling from the edge. Nick searches for her...

NICK
Get in! Carrots? Carrots!

He tries to hold on to the gondola for Hopps, who is
struggling to pull herself back onto the platform.

HOPPS
Go!

As the gondola pulls away, Nick tries to stop it to no avail.

NICK
No, no, no!

Nick backs up... the jaguar stalks him.

NICK (CONT’D)
Buddy, one predator to another-- *

The jaguar charges, but before it gets Nick-- clank! It’s *
yanked back in place. We see a HANDCUFF on its back paw,
attached to a metal post. Hopps cuffed him!
63.


NICK (CONT’D)
Now, I can tell you’re a little
tense, so I’m just gonna give you a
little personal space--

The jaguar thrashes, knocking Nick and Hopps over the edge.
Hopps barely grabs a vine, but struggles to hold Nick in the
other hand. As Manchas growls at them from above, Nick looks
at the abyss below. Hopps looks around, her mind racing.

NICK (CONT’D)
Rabbit, whatever you do, do not let
go!

HOPPS
I’m gonna let go!

NICK
No, you what? No, I said-- listen--
noooo!

HOPPS
One, two--

Hopps lets go, swinging them over to a netting of vines, kind
of on top of each other. They can’t believe they’re alive.
They look at each other, stunned, relieved...

NICK
Carrots. You saved my life.

HOPPS
Well. That’s what we do at the
ZP...
(the branch snaps)
Deeeeeeeeeeeee.....

Nick and Hopps plummet. They are about to hit the ground, but
a vine attached to their legs stops them right before impact.

Woo! A convoy of police arrive, screeching in front of them.
Out steps... Bogo. Hopps smiles, the cavalry has arrived.

BOGO
Well, this should be good.


MOMENTS LATER --

Hopps leads the cops up to the canopy, full of confidence.

HOPPS
I thought this was just a missing
mammal case, but it’s way bigger.
(MORE)
64.

HOPPS (CONT'D)
Mr. Otterton did not just
disappear. I believe he and this
jaguar, they... went savage, Sir.

BOGO
(scoffing)
Savage? This isn’t the Stone Age,
Hopps. Animals don’t go savage.

HOPPS
I thought so too, ‘til I saw this:

Hopps pulls back some leaves to reveal: the jaguar is gone.
There is no sign of him... or his handcuffs. It’s like it
never happened. Hopps’ eyes go wide.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
What? He was right here...

BOGO
(not buying it)
The “savage” jaguar.

HOPPS
Sir, I know what I saw-- he almost
killed us.

BOGO
Or maybe any aggressive predator
looks savage to you rabbits.
(calls out, to cops)
Let’s go.

HOPPS
Wait-- Sir, I’m not the only one
who saw him!
(to Nick)
Nick!

Hopps turns to Nick, but before he can explain:

BOGO
(incredulous)
You think I’m going to believe a
fox?

HOPPS
Well he was a key witness and I
enlisted--

BOGO
(the last straw)
Two days to find the otter...
(MORE)
65.

BOGO (CONT'D)
or you quit... that was the deal.
Badge.

Bogo extends his arm, waiting for Hopps to hand it over.

HOPPS
But, Sir, we...

BOGO
Badge.

Hopps looks at Bogo, then looks at her badge, she’s about to
reach for it, when...

NICK (O.S.)
Uh, no.

Bogo stops, and glares at Nick.

BOGO
What did you say, fox?

NICK
Sorry, what I said was, “no.” She
will not be giving you that badge.
Look, you gave her a clown vest and
a three-wheel joke-mobile and two
days to solve a case you guys
haven’t cracked in two weeks? Yeah,
no wonder she needed to get help
from a fox, none of you guys were
gonna help her, were you?

Hopps looks at Nick, stunned he’s sticking up for her.

NICK (CONT’D)
Here’s the thing Chief, you gave
her the 48 hours, so technically we
still have 10 left to find our Mr.
Otterton... and that’s exactly what
we’re gonna do, so if you’ll excuse
us... we have a very big lead to
follow and a case to crack. Good
day.

Nick guides Hopps to a PASSING GONDOLA, motioning her in.

NICK (CONT’D)
Officer Hopps?

The gondola pulls away, leaving Bogo and the rest of the
police watching, flabbergasted.
66.
Genres: ["Comedy","Action","Mystery"]

Summary In a bustling police station, Clawhauser is momentarily distracted by a pop star video, but the mood shifts dramatically when Hopps and Nick confront a savage jaguar. After a tense encounter where Hopps saves Nick from falling, they report back to Bogo, who doubts their claims about the jaguar's behavior. Despite Bogo's insistence on Hopps handing over her badge, Nick defends her, asserting their right to continue the investigation. The scene concludes with Hopps and Nick leaving in a gondola, resolute in their mission.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Blend of humor and tension
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable conflict resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is well-written, engaging, and successfully blends humor with tension. The introduction of the savage jaguar adds a new layer of mystery and danger to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a missing mammal case leading to a discovery of a savage predator is intriguing and keeps the audience invested in the plot.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with a clear progression from investigating the missing otter to encountering the savage jaguar. The conflict between Officer Hopps and Chief Bogo adds depth to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the buddy cop genre by incorporating anthropomorphic animals and exploring themes of prejudice and determination. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Officer Hopps and Nick, are well-defined and their interactions drive the scene forward. Nick's unexpected support for Hopps adds a new dynamic to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Officer Hopps shows growth in standing up for herself and gaining Nick's support, while Nick demonstrates a willingness to help despite his initial reluctance.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove herself as a capable and competent police officer despite facing skepticism and challenges from her superiors.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to solve the case of the missing otter and the savage jaguar, showcasing her investigative skills and determination.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Officer Hopps and Chief Bogo, as well as the danger posed by the savage jaguar, creates a high level of tension and keeps the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing skepticism and challenges from her superiors, adding tension and conflict to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The discovery of the savage jaguar and the ultimatum given to Officer Hopps by Chief Bogo raise the stakes and add urgency to the investigation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing the savage jaguar, raising the stakes, and setting up the next phase of the investigation.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in the existence of savage animals and her superiors' skepticism towards it, reflecting a clash of worldviews and perspectives.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to suspense, and the cliffhanger ending with the savage jaguar adds an emotional punch.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the personalities of the characters. Nick's clever remarks and Hopps' determination shine through in their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, suspense, and character dynamics. The action sequences and dialogue keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing action, dialogue, and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively balances tension and humor, particularly through Clawhauser's obliviousness to the emergency while being engrossed in a pop star video. This juxtaposition creates a comedic relief that contrasts well with the urgency of Hopps and Nick's situation.
  • The dialogue is engaging and showcases the characters' personalities well. Clawhauser's enthusiasm for Gazelle and Nick's quick wit add depth to their characters, making them relatable and memorable.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, with a clear escalation of tension as Hopps and Nick face the jaguar. However, the transition from the comedic moment with Clawhauser to the intense action could be smoother. The abrupt shift might confuse the audience about the stakes.
  • The stakes are clearly established with the introduction of the savage jaguar, but the scene could benefit from more visual cues to heighten the tension. For example, showing the jaguar's physicality and the environment could enhance the sense of danger.
  • The conflict between Hopps and Bogo is compelling, showcasing the challenges she faces as a rookie officer. However, Bogo's skepticism could be more nuanced to avoid making him seem one-dimensional. Adding layers to his character could create a more engaging dynamic.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Clawhauser acknowledges the ringing phone before getting distracted again, which would enhance the comedic timing and build anticipation for the urgent call.
  • Incorporate more sensory details during the confrontation with the jaguar, such as the sounds of the jungle or the jaguar's growls, to immerse the audience in the scene and elevate the tension.
  • Explore Bogo's character further by giving him a reason for his skepticism beyond just being dismissive. Perhaps he has had past experiences that make him wary of rookie officers or foxes, which could add depth to his interactions with Hopps.
  • To improve the transition between the comedic and tense moments, consider using a visual motif or sound cue that signals the shift in tone, such as a sudden change in background music or a close-up of Hopps' determined expression.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes for Hopps by showing her internal struggle as she faces Bogo's ultimatum. A brief moment of hesitation or doubt could make her eventual decision to stand up for herself more impactful.



Scene 26 - A Gondola of Memories
INT./EXT. GONDOLA - CONTINUOUS

Hopps and Nick both stare straight ahead.

HOPPS
Thank you.

NICK
Never let ‘em see that they get to
you.

Hopps looks at Nick, a little surprised. Nick looks out.

HOPPS
So, things do get to you...

NICK
No... I mean, not anymore. But I
was small and emotionally
unbalanced like you once.

HOPPS
Har-har.

NICK
(retreating into the
memory)
No, it’s true. I think was 8, or
maybe 9, and all I wanted to do was
join the Junior Ranger Scouts.

DISSOLVE TO:


INT. YOUNG NICK’S BEDROOM - DUSK (FLASHBACK)

YOUNG NICK, tiny and cherubic, looks in the mirror. We see
MOTHER’s paws tying the scout kerchief around his neck.

NICK (V.O.)
...so, my mom scraped together
enough money to buy me a brand new
uniform because, by God, I was
gonna fit in.


EXT. SCOUT BUILDING - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

Young Nick bounds down the sidewalk and up the stairs.

NICK (V.O.)
Even if I was the only predator in
the troop--
67.


INT. SCOUT MEETING - MOMENTS LATER (FLASHBACK)

Young Nick enters a church basement, spots a GROUP OF PREY
KIDS, all in scout uniforms. They wave him over.

NICK (V.O.)(CONT’D)
...the only fox.

MEAN KID ANIMAL (O.S.)
Okay, Nick!

NICK (V.O.)
I was gonna be part of a pack.

MEAN KID ANIMAL
Ready for initiation?

YOUNG NICK
Yeah! Pretty much born ready.

They high five Nick. It looks promising and fun.

NICK (V.O.)
I was so proud.

Suddenly, a BIG KID turns off the lights. Other KIDS switch
on FLASHLIGHTS, shining them on Nick like gestapo spotlights.

MEAN KID ANIMAL
Okay. Now raise your right hand and
deliver the oath.

YOUNG NICK
I, Nicholas Wilde, promise to be
brave, loyal, helpful, and
trustworthy.

MEAN KID ANIMAL
Even though you’re a fox?

YOUNG NICK
What?

Then, a bunch of KID ANIMALS tackle Nick. Soon, all of the
animals pile on, kicking and shoving him.

YOUNG NICK (CONT’D)
No! What did I do wrong, you guys?!
No! Please tell me, what did I do
wrong?!

With Nick pinned, the primary mean kid straddles him. Someone
hands him a MUZZLE. The mean kid snaps it on Nick’s snout.
68.


YOUNG NICK (CONT’D)
(muzzled)
What did I do?!

MEAN KID ANIMAL
If you thought we would ever trust
a fox without a muzzle, you’re even
dumber than you look.

Nick breaks free from the kids. Scrambles away from them in
fright. As they laugh, he races out the door.

MEAN KID ANIMAL (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Aw, is he gonna cry?

Once out sight, Nick panics as he struggles to remove the
muzzle. It won’t come off. Finally-- painfully-- he pulls it
off and throws it to the ground. He collapses, weeping.


THE GONDOLA --

NICK
I learned two things that day. One,
I was never gonna let anyone see
that they got to me.

Hopps looks at Nick, who avoids eye contact.

HOPPS
...And two?

NICK
If the world’s only gonna see a fox
as shifty and untrustworthy,
there’s no point in trying to be
anything else.

HOPPS
Nick, you are so much more than
that...

Hopps touches Nick’s arm as the gondola pierces the clouds.
The city at dawn comes into view. It’s gotten too real for
Nick. He abruptly changes the subject.

NICK
Boy, look at that traffic down
there.
(putting on radio voice)
How about we go out to Chuck in
Traffic Central-- Chuck, how are
things looking on the Jam Cams?
69.


HOPPS
Nick, I’m glad you told me...

NICK
(lightbulb moment!)
The Jam Cams...!

HOPPS
Seriously, it’s okay...

NICK
No-n-shh-shush! There are traffic
cameras everywhere. All over the
canopy. Whatever happened to that
jaguar--

HOPPS
The traffic cams would have caught
it!

NICK
Bingo!

Hopps gives him a chuck on the arm, impressed.

HOPPS
Pretty sneaky, Slick.

NICK
However. If you didn’t have access
to the system before, I doubt Chief
Buffalo Butt is gonna let you into
it now.

HOPPS
(beat, then)
No... But I have a friend at City
Hall who might.
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary In a gondola rising above the city at dawn, Nick shares a painful childhood memory of being bullied for being a fox, revealing his struggles with identity and acceptance. Hopps offers her support, emphasizing that Nick is more than a stereotype. However, Nick deflects the conversation, shifting focus back to their investigation as they decide to check traffic cameras for clues.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Humorous dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Slight shift in focus from investigation to character backstory

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, emotion, and character development, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Nick's past trauma and the theme of overcoming prejudice adds depth to the story and characters.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters discover a new lead in their investigation, but the focus shifts to character development and backstory.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of identity and prejudice, using the animal characters to explore complex social issues in a relatable and engaging way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Nick, are well-developed and show vulnerability, resilience, and growth throughout the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Nick shows vulnerability and growth as he opens up about his past, deepening his relationship with Hopps.

Internal Goal: 8

Nick's internal goal in this scene is to hide his vulnerability and past trauma from Hopps. He wants to maintain his tough exterior and not let anyone see that he has been hurt in the past.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to come up with a plan to solve the mystery they are investigating. Nick's realization about the traffic cameras leads to a breakthrough in their investigation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on Nick's past trauma and the characters' evolving relationship.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Nick facing internal and external challenges that test his character and resolve. The flashback sequence adds depth to his backstory and highlights the obstacles he has overcome.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are more personal and emotional in this scene, focusing on the characters' growth and connection.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene provides important character development, it also moves the investigation forward by introducing a new lead.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations and challenges the audience's assumptions about the characters and their motivations. The reveal of Nick's past trauma adds a layer of complexity to his character.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of identity and societal expectations. Nick's experience as a young fox trying to fit in with the Junior Ranger Scouts highlights the challenges of being judged based on stereotypes and prejudices.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes empathy and connection with the characters, especially through Nick's vulnerable recounting of his past.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, emotional, and reveals important information about the characters' pasts and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, emotion, and suspense to keep the audience invested in the characters and their journey. The dialogue is sharp and witty, creating a sense of tension and anticipation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and reflection. The transitions between past and present are seamless, maintaining the momentum of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct transitions between locations and time periods. The dialogue is well-paced and engaging, keeping the reader's attention throughout.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The flashback sequences are seamlessly integrated into the present-day conversation, enhancing the narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses a flashback to provide depth to Nick's character, revealing his past trauma and how it shaped his current worldview. This backstory adds emotional weight to the narrative and helps the audience empathize with him.
  • The dialogue between Hopps and Nick is engaging and showcases their developing relationship. However, Nick's initial reluctance to share his feelings feels a bit forced. A more gradual build-up to his vulnerability could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The transition from the gondola to the flashback is smooth, but the pacing could be improved. The flashback sequence is quite lengthy and may disrupt the flow of the main narrative. Consider condensing some of the flashback details to maintain momentum.
  • The use of humor in Nick's dialogue, especially his radio voice, lightens the mood after a heavy moment, which is effective. However, it might be beneficial to balance the humor with more serious reflection to avoid undermining the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • The visual imagery of the gondola and the city at dawn is a strong choice, symbolizing hope and new beginnings. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as sounds or smells associated with the city waking up.
Suggestions
  • Consider shortening the flashback sequence to focus on the most impactful moments that illustrate Nick's trauma without losing the essence of his story.
  • Enhance the emotional build-up before Nick shares his past by adding more subtle hints of his discomfort or reluctance to open up, making his eventual revelation feel more organic.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the gondola scene to create a richer atmosphere, allowing the audience to feel the environment and the characters' emotions more deeply.
  • Balance the humor in Nick's dialogue with moments of genuine reflection to maintain the emotional stakes and ensure the audience remains engaged with the characters' struggles.
  • Explore the possibility of having Hopps share a bit of her own vulnerability in response to Nick's story, which could deepen their connection and create a more reciprocal exchange.



Scene 27 - Uncovering the Truth
INT. CITY HALL - LATER THAT MORNING

We find BELLWETHER trying to balance a stack of binders while
struggling to keep pace with Mayor Lionheart, who is walking
quickly in front of her.

BELLWETHER
Sir? If we could just review these
very important--
(almost drops binders)
Sir?

She almost steps on a LITTLE MOUSE LADY.
70.


BELLWETHER (CONT’D)
Ooo, I’m so sorry... sir?!

LIONHEART
Okay. I heard you, Bellwether. Just
take care of it!
(setting another binder
atop her stack)
Please. And clear my afternoon, I’m
going out.

BELLWETHER
No, no! But, sir, you do have a
meeting with Herds and Grazing...
sir, if I could just--

He continues through a door. Bellwether tries to follow, but
the door shuts on her, spilling the binders to the floor.

BELLWETHER (CONT’D)
Oh, mutton chops.

As Bellwether picks up her mess, Hopps and Nick appear.

HOPPS
Assistant Mayor Bellwether? We need
your help.


INT. BELLWETHER’S OFFICE - LATER

We’re in Bellwether’s cramped little office. Nick and Hopps
hover over her while she sits at her computer.

HOPPS
We just need to get into the
traffic cam database.

Nick subtly touches Bellwether’s wool puff.

NICK
(mouths, to Hopps)
So fluffy!

HOPPS
Hey!

NICK
Sheep never let me this close.

HOPPS
You can’t just touch a sheep’s
wool...
71.


NICK HOPPS (CONT'D)
It’s like cotton candy. Stop it!

Judy swats Nick, but accidentally hits Bellwether’s puff.

BELLWETHER
Where to?

HOPPS
Rainforest District, Vine and
Tujunga.

ANGLE ON the computer screen.

BELLWETHER
There! Traffic cams for the whole
city. This is so exciting,
actually. Well, you know, I never
get to do anything this important.

HOPPS
But you’re the Assistant Mayor of
Zootopia.

BELLWETHER
Oh, I’m more of a glorified
secretary. I think Mayor Lionheart
just wanted the sheep vote...
(then, cheerily)
But he did give me that nice mug.

She motions to a mug that reads World’s Greatest Dad
Assistant Mayor.

BELLWETHER (CONT’D)
Feels good to be appreciated.

LIONHEART (INTERCOM)
Smellwether?!

Bellwether cringes.

BELLWETHER
That’s a fun little name he likes
to use. I called him Lionfart once.
He did not care for that, let me
tell you. It was not a good day for
me.
(pressing intercom button)
Yes, sir?

LIONHEART (INTERCOM)
I thought you were going to cancel
my afternoon?!
72.


BELLWETHER
Oh, dear. I better go --
(to Hopps, while leaving)
Let me know what you find. It was
really nice for me to be--

LIONHEART (INTERCOM)
While we’re young, Smellwether!

Bellwether finally opens her big heavy door and leaves.

NICK
You think when she goes to sleep
she counts herself?

HOPPS
Shush. Okay, traffic cams...
(looking at computer)
Tujunga, Tujunga... we’re in.

Nick and Hopps watch the footage from the night before. We
can see the jaguar going nuts. Then a BLACK VAN skids up, and
some WOLVES hop out.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Who are these guys?

NICK
Timberwolves. Look at these
dumdums.

The Wolves suddenly capture the jaguar with a net. Judy
GASPS, shocked. Nick is unfazed.

NICK (CONT’D)
Betcha a nickel one of em’s gonna
howl.

The wolves howl...

NICK (CONT’D)
And there it is. What is it with
wolves and the howling? It’s like--

HOPPS
(light-bulb moment)
Howlers! Night howlers! That’s what
Manchas was afraid of... wolves!
The wolves are the night howlers.
If they took Manchas...

NICK
...I bet they took Otterton too.
73.


HOPPS
All we gotta do is find out where
they went.

She clicks the monitor... but as the wolves drive off, they
disappear through a tunnel and don’t come out the other side.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Wait. Where’d they go?

NICK
You know, if I wanted to avoid
surveillance because I was doing
something illegal-- which I never
have-- I would use the maintenance
tunnel 6B... which would put them
out...

He clicks on another camera. Nothing... then... the wolves
emerge in the van.

NICK (CONT’D)
...right there.

Hopps looks at Nick, impressed.

HOPPS
Well, look at you, Junior
Detective. You know, I think you’d
actually make a pretty good cop.

NICK
How dare you.

Hopps goes back to clicking... we track the wolves through
alleys and back roads.

NICK (CONT’D)
Acacia alley... Ficus underpass...
South Canyon...

HOPPS
They’re heading out of town...
Where does that road go?
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Mystery"]

Summary In this scene, Bellwether struggles to manage her duties as Assistant Mayor while being dismissed by Mayor Lionheart. After dropping her binders, she teams up with Hopps and Nick in her cramped office to access the traffic cam database. They discover footage of wolves capturing a jaguar, leading them to suspect the wolves are behind the recent disappearances of animals. The scene concludes with Hopps and Nick setting out to track the wolves, heightening the urgency of their investigation.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective plot development
  • Dynamic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some moments of distraction from the main plot

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively blends humor, suspense, and crucial plot development, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using traffic cam footage to unravel the mystery of the missing mammals is innovative and adds depth to the investigation.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene as Hopps and Nick discover the connection between the wolves and the missing mammals, leading to a new lead in the case.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique character dynamics, such as Bellwether's struggle for recognition and Nick's playful demeanor, adding freshness to familiar tropes of mystery-solving and political intrigue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Hopps and Nick are well-developed, with their unique personalities and skills shining through in their interactions and investigative work.

Character Changes: 7

Both Hopps and Nick show growth in their partnership and investigative skills, deepening their bond and mutual respect.

Internal Goal: 8

Bellwether's internal goal is to prove her worth and competence in her role as Assistant Mayor, despite feeling undervalued and underappreciated by Mayor Lionheart.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to help Hopps and Nick access the traffic cam database to solve a mystery, reflecting the immediate challenge they are facing in uncovering the truth behind recent events.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict escalates as Hopps and Nick uncover the involvement of the wolves in the disappearance of the mammals, raising the stakes in the investigation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the characters' goals, adding suspense and uncertainty to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The discovery of the wolves' involvement raises the stakes in the investigation, highlighting the danger and complexity of the case.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by providing crucial information and a new lead in the investigation, propelling the narrative towards resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its humor and character interactions, keeping the audience on their toes with unexpected moments and witty banter.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire for recognition and the reality of being seen as a 'glorified secretary' by Mayor Lionheart. This challenges Bellwether's beliefs about her own capabilities and worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from humor to suspense, keeping the audience emotionally engaged in the unfolding mystery.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals important information about the case, enhancing the scene's overall impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its witty dialogue, comedic moments, and the unfolding mystery that keeps the audience invested in the characters' actions and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing clues, and maintaining audience interest through a balance of dialogue and action sequences.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to expected formatting standards for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events, maintaining the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the urgency of the investigation while also providing comic relief through Bellwether's clumsiness and Nick's playful interactions. However, the humor sometimes detracts from the tension of the situation, particularly when discussing serious topics like the missing animals.
  • Bellwether's character is portrayed as somewhat ineffectual, which can undermine her authority as Assistant Mayor. While this adds to the comedic tone, it may also make her seem less credible when she provides crucial information. Balancing her comedic traits with moments of competence could enhance her character.
  • The dialogue flows well, but some lines feel a bit forced, particularly Nick's comments about Bellwether's wool. While it adds humor, it may distract from the main plot. The banter between Nick and Hopps is engaging, but it could be tightened to maintain focus on the investigation.
  • The transition from Bellwether's office to the traffic cam footage is smooth, but the pacing could be improved. The scene could benefit from a more immediate sense of urgency as they discover the wolves' involvement, rather than lingering on Bellwether's character quirks.
  • The revelation of the wolves as the 'night howlers' is a pivotal moment, but it could be more impactful if the stakes were heightened. Adding a sense of danger or urgency to their discovery could enhance the tension and propel the narrative forward.
Suggestions
  • Consider reducing the comedic elements related to Bellwether's clumsiness to maintain focus on the investigation's seriousness. This could involve streamlining her dialogue and actions to emphasize her role in the plot.
  • Enhance Bellwether's character by giving her a moment of competence or insight that reinforces her position as Assistant Mayor, making her contributions feel more valuable.
  • Tighten the dialogue between Nick and Hopps to ensure it serves the plot while still allowing for character development. Focus on their partnership and the urgency of their mission.
  • Increase the pacing as they transition to the traffic cam footage. Consider using more dynamic visuals or sound effects to create a sense of urgency as they uncover the wolves' actions.
  • Heighten the stakes during the discovery of the wolves' involvement by incorporating a sense of danger or urgency, such as a time constraint or a looming threat, to propel the narrative forward.



Scene 28 - Clever Disguise at Cliffside Asylum
EXT. CLIFFSIDE ASYLUM - GOLDEN HOUR

The imposing CLIFFSIDE ASYLUM sits on the edge of a
waterfall. Nick and Hopps, hidden on the side of the road,
spy from a hundred yards away.

Nick and Hopps sneak up to the guard gate, where TWO WOLVES
are stationed.
74.


Using elaborate hand signals, Nick motions he’s going to
sneak past first. He gets around the gate, but as he gets
close... a wolf sniffs the air... he’s onto him.

Nick reaches around and grabs a piece of wood to use as a
weapon. The wolf moves toward Nick... but before he reaches
him... Ooooooooooo!

A distant howl grabs his attention. It’s Hopps, cupping her
mouth to make the howl sound distant. The wolf hears it and
can’t help but howl as well. Another guard approaches.

WOLF GUARD
Gary, quit it, you’re gonna start a
howl.

GARY THE WOLF GUARD
I didn’t start it.
(more howling off-screen)
Oooooooo!

WOLF GUARD
Oooooooooo!

More wolves start to howl. Nick looks at Hopps, impressed.

HOPPS
Come on!

Nick and Hopps use the distraction to jump the fence and
sneak into the complex.

NICK
You are a clever bunny.

Above, they notice a drainage pipe leading into the building.
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary Nick and Hopps approach the heavily guarded Cliffside Asylum, where they must sneak past two wolf guards. As Nick nearly gets caught, Hopps cleverly distracts the guards by howling, prompting them to join in. This allows Nick and Hopps to jump the fence and enter the asylum through a drainage pipe, showcasing their teamwork and quick thinking.
Strengths
  • Creative escape plan
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple characters and actions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, tension, and action to create an engaging and entertaining sequence that advances the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using howling as a distraction and the characters' creative escape plan are well-executed and add depth to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Nick and Hopps infiltrate the asylum to uncover more clues about the missing animals, adding suspense and intrigue to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and characters, blending elements of mystery, humor, and action to create a fresh and engaging narrative. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original, adding depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Nick and Hopps demonstrate their teamwork, resourcefulness, and unique personalities during the escape, showcasing their growth and development throughout the investigation.

Character Changes: 6

Nick and Hopps demonstrate growth and adaptability as they work together to overcome obstacles, showcasing their evolving relationship and individual development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove their resourcefulness and bravery in a dangerous situation. This reflects their deeper need for validation and acceptance, as well as their desire to prove themselves capable in challenging circumstances.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to sneak past the guard gate and gain access to the asylum without being caught. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in infiltrating the complex and uncovering the truth behind the asylum's secrets.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Nick, Hopps, and the wolf guards creates tension and suspense, raising the stakes and driving the action forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing multiple obstacles and challenges as they try to infiltrate the asylum. The unpredictable nature of the guards and the wolves adds to the tension and suspense, keeping the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of infiltrating the asylum, uncovering crucial information, and evading capture heighten the tension and urgency of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by revealing new clues, escalating the conflict, and setting the stage for the next phase of the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns, such as the wolves howling and the characters' clever tactics to sneak past the guards. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will overcome the obstacles they face.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between deception and truth. The characters must use deception to achieve their goal of infiltrating the asylum, but they also seek to uncover the truth behind the asylum's operations. This challenges their beliefs about honesty and integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including amusement, anxiety, and excitement, engaging the audience and deepening their connection to the characters.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Nick, Hopps, and the wolf guards adds humor and tension to the scene, enhancing the character dynamics and driving the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, action, and suspense to create a dynamic and entertaining narrative. The characters' interactions and the unfolding mystery keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey. The fast-paced action and witty dialogue enhance the rhythm of the scene, creating a dynamic and compelling narrative.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene, allowing the audience to visualize the action and setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and suspense as the characters navigate the challenges they face.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and showcases the teamwork between Nick and Hopps, highlighting their unique skills. However, the setup could benefit from more visual detail about the asylum itself to enhance the atmosphere and stakes. Describing the asylum's architecture, the surrounding environment, or the sounds of the waterfall could create a more immersive experience.
  • The use of howling as a distraction is clever and fits well within the animal-centric world of Zootopia. However, the dialogue from the wolf guards feels somewhat clichéd and could be more distinctive. Giving each wolf a unique personality or quirk could add depth and humor to the scene.
  • While the scene is primarily focused on the action of sneaking into the asylum, it lacks emotional stakes. Adding a moment where Nick or Hopps expresses their concern about what they might find inside could heighten the tension and make the audience more invested in their mission.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the tension of sneaking past the guards to the relief of entering the asylum feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a shared look between Nick and Hopps could smooth this transition and emphasize their camaraderie.
  • The dialogue is functional but could be more dynamic. Incorporating more playful banter or character-specific dialogue would enhance the chemistry between Nick and Hopps, making their partnership feel more authentic and engaging.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the description of the Cliffside Asylum to create a more vivid and foreboding atmosphere, incorporating sensory details that evoke the setting's mood.
  • Consider giving the wolf guards distinct personalities or quirks to make their dialogue more memorable and entertaining, potentially adding humor to the scene.
  • Introduce a moment of vulnerability or concern for Nick and Hopps before they enter the asylum, which would add emotional weight to their mission and deepen audience investment.
  • Smooth the transition from the tension of sneaking past the guards to the relief of entering the asylum by including a brief moment of shared understanding or relief between Nick and Hopps.
  • Infuse the dialogue with more character-specific humor or banter to enhance the chemistry between Nick and Hopps, making their interactions feel more lively and authentic.



Scene 29 - Escape from the Asylum
INT. CLIFFSIDE ASYLUM - LARGE ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Nick and Hopps emerge from the drain pipe into the creepy
asylum. They’re in a large, cavernous room, full of old
MEDICAL EQUIPMENT. It’s like a combination of an old hospital
and a turn-of-the-century zoo.

HOPPS
It looks like this was a hospital.

Judy shines her light down a corridor, at the end of which is
a metal door with a blue light shining within. Nick nears the
door, about to open it... the tension builds and then...
75.


NICK
(turns to Hopps)
You know, after you, you’re the
cop.


INT. CLIFFSIDE ASYLUM - MEDICAL WARD - MOMENTS LATER

Hopps cautiously pushes the door open to reveal: a room with
modern medical equipment. Nick pops up behind her.

NICK
Okay. All clear.

Hopps rolls her eyes and cautiously enters and looks around.

HOPPS
All this equipment is brand new...

NICK (O.S.)
Carrots...?

Nick points to the ground, which is scuffed with CLAW MARKS.

HOPPS
Claw marks...

NICK
Yeah. Huge, huge, claw marks. I
mean, what kind of--

RAAGH! A SAVAGE TIGER emerges behind the glass of a nearby
cage, startling Nick and sending him running to Hopps.

Hopps swivels her flashlight to reveal: dozens of reflective
eyes. Nick and Hopps make their way down a long corridor of
cages, looking for the jaguar.

HOPPS
Mr. Manchas.

He’s still feral, on all fours and pacing in a cell. They
continue on, passing three, four, five, cages until finally,
in the last cage: a FERAL OTTER. It’s EMMITT OTTERTON.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
It’s him. We found our otter.
(to the otter, gently)
Mr. Otterton, my name is Officer
Judy Hopps. Your wife sent me to
find you. We’re gonna get you out
of here now.

Otterton screeches at her and lunges toward the glass.
76.


NICK
Or not. Guess he’s in no rush to
get home to the Missus.

Hopps looks back down the corridor of cells, counting.

HOPPS
...11, 12, 13, 14. Not including
Manchas it’s 14...
(lightbulb)
Chief Bogo handed out 14 Missing
Mammal files... They’re all here.
All the missing mammals are right
here.

Before she can respond-- CLICK! A door starts to open, Nick
and Hopps retreat, stuck next to a DARK CELL.

LIONHEART (O.S.)
Enough! I don’t want excuses,
Doctor, I want answers.

Reveal: Mayor Lionheart berating the BADGER DOCTOR by his
side. He looks serious, intense, tired.

BADGER DOCTOR
Mayor Lionheart, please, we’re
doing everything we can.

Hopps whips out her phone, starts recording.

LIONHEART
Really? Cuz I got a dozen and a
half animals here who’ve gone off
the rails crazy-- and you can’t
tell me why. Now, I’d call that
awfully far from doing everything.

BADGER DOCTOR
Sir, it may be time to consider
their biology.

LIONHEART
What? What do you mean biology?

BADGER DOCTOR
The only animals going savage are
predators. We cannot keep it a
secret. We need to come forward.
77.


LIONHEART
Hmm... Great idea. Tell the public.
And how do you think they’re gonna
feel about their mayor, who is a
lion?! I’ll be ruined!

BADGER DOCTOR
Well, what does Chief Bogo say?

LIONHEART
Chief Bogo doesn’t know. And we are
going to keep it that way.

Beep-beep-beep-- Hopps’ parents call in. She frantically
tries to silence her phone.

LIONHEART (CONT’D)
Someone’s here!

BADGER DOCTOR
Sir, you need to go, now!
(calls out)
Security! Sweep the area!

AN ALARM SOUNDS. The door to the cell Hopps and Nick are in
triggers shut. They notice WOLVES approaching.

NICK
Great! We’re dead. We’re dead.
That’s it. I’m dead. You’re dead.
Everybody’s dead.

This gives Hopps an idea. She looks at the HUGE TOILET.

HOPPS
Can you swim?

NICK
What? Can I swim? Yes, I can swim.
Why?

The Wolves storm in, searching for the intruders... and see
the swirling water of a toilet disappearing down the drain.

Hopps and Nick fly through the water slide like tubes of the
sewer system, cascading over a waterfall. Both scream. They
land in the river below. Nick pop up first. He looks
desperately for Judy.

NICK (CONT’D)
Carrots?! Hopps?! Judy?!

She emerges, gasping for breath, holding up the bagged phone.
78.


HOPPS
We gotta tell Bogo!
Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller","Comedy"]

Summary Nick and Hopps infiltrate a creepy asylum through a drain pipe, uncovering a modern medical ward marked by claw marks and the presence of a savage tiger. They find the missing Emmitt Otterton in a feral state and overhear a tense conversation between Mayor Lionheart and a badger doctor about the crisis of missing mammals and predators going savage. As they are discovered, they make a narrow escape through a toilet into the sewer, determined to report their findings to Chief Bogo.
Strengths
  • Effective combination of tension and humor
  • Intriguing discovery of missing mammals in the asylum
  • Introduction of new conflicts and revelations
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of the scene may be predictable or cliched
  • Character interactions could be further developed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines tension, humor, and mystery to engage the audience. The discovery of the missing mammals in the asylum adds a new layer of complexity to the plot, keeping the viewers intrigued. The introduction of Mayor Lionheart's involvement and the revelation of predators going savage raise the stakes and create a sense of urgency.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring a creepy asylum to uncover the missing mammals is unique and adds depth to the storyline. The revelation of predators going savage introduces a new conflict and raises questions about the underlying cause, adding complexity to the plot.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging and well-developed, with the discovery of the missing mammals in the asylum adding a new layer of mystery and intrigue. The introduction of Mayor Lionheart's involvement and the revelation of predators going savage create tension and propel the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting of a creepy asylum with a combination of medical equipment and animal cages. The dialogue and character interactions feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Hopps and Nick's dynamic is well-established, with Hopps showing determination and resourcefulness while Nick provides humor and wit. The introduction of Mayor Lionheart adds a new dimension to the characters' motivations and challenges, enhancing the overall character development.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, particularly Hopps and Nick, face new challenges and revelations in this scene, leading to growth and development. Hopps shows determination and courage in the face of danger, while Nick reveals vulnerability and past struggles, deepening their character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth behind the missing mammals and solve the mystery of why predators are going savage. This reflects her desire to prove herself as a capable officer and make a difference in the world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to escape the asylum and avoid being caught by the wolves and Mayor Lionheart's security. This reflects the immediate danger and challenges they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external. The characters face the danger of the savage animals in the asylum, as well as the escalating conflict with Mayor Lionheart and the revelation of predators going savage. The high stakes and sense of urgency drive the tension throughout the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the wolves and Mayor Lionheart's security posing a significant threat to the protagonists.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing danger from the savage animals in the asylum, as well as the escalating conflict with Mayor Lionheart and the revelation of predators going savage. The urgency and tension create a sense of suspense and keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by uncovering the missing mammals in the asylum, introducing Mayor Lionheart's involvement, and revealing the predators going savage. These developments propel the plot into new territory and set the stage for further conflict and resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns, such as the appearance of the savage tiger and the wolves chasing the protagonists.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of keeping the predator's savage behavior a secret to protect the mayor's reputation. This challenges the protagonist's values of honesty and justice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to amusement and curiosity. The discovery of the missing mammals and the predators going savage adds emotional depth to the storyline, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension, humor, and urgency of the scene. The banter between Hopps and Nick adds levity to the intense situation, while Mayor Lionheart's dialogue reveals his motivations and the escalating conflict.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and suspenseful moments that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of action, dialogue, and suspense that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension as Nick and Hopps navigate the creepy asylum, utilizing their contrasting personalities to create humor amidst the suspense. However, the transition from the initial discovery of the claw marks to the revelation of the feral otter could be more seamless. The pacing feels slightly rushed, which detracts from the emotional weight of finding Emmitt Otterton.
  • The dialogue between Nick and Hopps is engaging, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Nick makes a joke about Otterton not being in a rush to get home, it could be enhanced by a more poignant reflection on the implications of their situation, deepening the emotional stakes.
  • The introduction of Mayor Lionheart and the Badger Doctor adds a layer of intrigue, but their dialogue could be more dynamic. Currently, it feels somewhat expository. Consider incorporating more conflict or tension in their exchange to heighten the stakes and keep the audience engaged.
  • The alarm sounding and the subsequent panic feels a bit abrupt. While it serves to escalate the urgency, it might be more effective if there were a gradual build-up to this moment, allowing the audience to feel the tension rise rather than experiencing a sudden shift.
  • The ending of the scene, where Hopps and Nick escape through the toilet, is humorous but may come off as too comedic given the serious context of their discovery. Balancing the humor with the gravity of the situation is crucial to maintain the tone of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or fear before Hopps opens the door to the medical ward, allowing for a more dramatic buildup and emphasizing the danger they are in.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Nick and Hopps by incorporating more emotional depth, perhaps by having them reflect on the implications of finding the missing mammals and what it means for their investigation.
  • Revise the dialogue between Mayor Lionheart and the Badger Doctor to include more conflict, perhaps by having Lionheart express personal stakes in the situation, which would make his character more relatable and the stakes higher.
  • Introduce a moment of foreshadowing before the alarm sounds, such as a subtle hint that they are being watched, to create a more gradual build-up to the panic and escape.
  • Revisit the balance of humor and seriousness in the escape scene. Consider having a moment of reflection or concern from Hopps and Nick after their escape to ground the humor in the reality of their situation.



Scene 30 - Trust Fractured
INT. BOGO’S OFFICE - DAY

CLOSE ON BOGO’S PHONE: Gazelle and Bogo dance on stage. It’s
the same app Clawhauser used earlier.

GAZELLE (ON PHONE)
Wow, you are one hot dancer...
(robo-voice)
...CHIEF BOGO.

Bogo is dancing along when, suddenly, Clawhauser bursts in.

CLAWHAUSER
Chief Bogo!

BOGO
(guilty)
Not now!

CLAWHAUSER
Wait, is that Gazelle?

BOGO
(struggling to silence his
phone)
No!

GAZELLE (ON PHONE)
I am Gazelle, and you are one hot
dancer.

CLAWHAUSER
You have the app too?!
(ecstatic)
Oh, jeeeeez!

BOGO
Clawhauser, can’t you see I’m
working on the missing mammal
cases?!

CLAWHAUSER
Oh, yes of course! About that,
sir... Officer Hopps just called...
She found all of ‘em.

Bogo’s eyes widen.

GAZELLE (ON PHONE)
Wow! I’m impressed.
79.


EXT. ASYLUM - DAY

Cop cars and helicopters surround the asylum. Hopps, flanked
by Bogo and other COPS, leads Lionheart out of the building.

HOPPS
Mayor Lionheart, you have the right
to remain silent. Anything--

LIONHEART
You don’t understand. I was trying
to protect the city.

HOPPS
You were just trying to protect
your job.

LIONHEART
No. Listen, we still don’t know why
this is happening. It could destroy
Zootopia.

HOPPS
You have the right to remain
silent. Anything you say can and
will be used against you in a court
of law...

Nick hangs back, proudly flashing his Junior Detective badge.


INT. ZPD - LOBBY

Bogo addresses the press. Behind him, POSTERS of the Savage
Animals-- each one MUZZLED.

BOGO
Ladies and Gentlemammals... 14
mammals went missing and all 14
have been found by our newest
recruit, who will speak to you in a
moment. But first, let me remind
you--

Bogo’s voice trails off in the background as Nick and Hopps
watch from the side. Hopps bites her nails, nervous.

HOPPS
Rrrgh. I am so nervous...

NICK
Okay, press conference 101: You
wanna look smart?
(MORE)
80.

NICK (CONT'D)
Answer their question with your own
question and then answer that
question. Like this, “Excuse me.
Officer Hopps, what can you tell us
about the case?”
(pretending to be Hopps)
“Well, was this a tough case? Yes.
Yes it was.” You see?

HOPPS
You should be there with me. We did
this together.

NICK
Well, am I a cop? No. No, I am not.

HOPPS
Funny you should say that, because
I’ve been thinking... it would be
nice to have a partner.

She hands Nick an APPLICATION. Then-- click-- she holds out
the carrot pen to him.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Here. In case you need something to
write with.

BOGO (O.S.)
At twenty-two hundred hours, we
found all these missing animals...

Bellwether gestures to Judy to come up.

BELLWETHER
Officer Hopps, it’s time.

As Hopps goes, Nick smiles. He’s touched...

BOGO
So now, I’ll turn things over to
the officer who cracked the case.
Officer Judy Hopps.

Hopps takes a deep breath and steps up to the dais.

PRESS
Officer Hopps! / Over here! / Here!

HOPPS
(pointing to a REPORTER)
Yes?
81.


REPORTER
What can you tell us about the
animals that went savage?

HOPPS
Well, the animals in question...
(glances at Nick)
Are they all different species?
Yes. Yes they are.

Nick smiles, gives a thumbs up.

REPORTER 2
Okay, so what is the connection?

HOPPS
Well, all we know is that they are
all members of the predator family.

ANOTHER REPORTER
So, predators are the only ones
going savage?

HOPPS
That is accu-- Yes, that is
accurate. Yes...

REPORTER 3
Wow. Why is that happening?

HOPPS
We still don’t know--

More disappointed rumbling.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
(trying to appease)
Ah, it may have something to do
with biology.

On Nick-- huh? The press reacts, too... big time.

REPORTER (O.S.)
What do you mean by that?

HOPPS
A biological component. You know,
something in their DNA...

REPORTER 4
(more aggressive)
In their DNA? Can you elaborate on
that, please?
82.


HOPPS
Yes. What I mean is, thousands of
years ago... um... predators
survived through their aggressive
hunting instincts. For whatever
reason, they seem to be reverting
back to their primitive, savage
ways.

Nick doesn’t like what he’s hearing.

REPORTER (O.S.)
Of course they did.

Nick looks at the posters of the muzzled animals and shakes
his head, disbelieving. FLASH BACK to his memory of being
muzzled as a child.

MEAN KID ANIMAL (V.O.)
(during flashback)
Aw, is he gonna cry.

REPORTER (O.S.)
(on Nick, as flashback
ends)
Officer Hopps, could it happen
again?

HOPPS
It is possible. So we must be
vigilant. And we at the ZPD are
prepared and are here to protect
you...

This sends the Press into an absolute frenzy.

PRESS
Will more mammals go savage? / What
is being done to protect us? / Have
you considered a mandatory
quarantine on predators?

Bellwether steps in, eager to put an end to the questions.

BELLWETHER
Okay, thank you Officer Hopps, uh,
that’s all the time that we have.
No more questions...

Bellwether ushers Hopps off stage.

HOPPS
Was I okay?
83.


BELLWETHER
Oh, you did fine.

Hopps walks across the lobby to Nick, completely unaware that
she just started a controversy.

HOPPS
(excited)
That went so fast! I didn’t get a
chance to mention you or say
anything about how we--

NICK
(upset)
Oh, I think you said plenty.

HOPPS
What do you mean?

NICK
(sarcastic, hard)
Clearly, there’s a biological
component? These predators may be
reverting back to their primitive,
savage ways. Are you serious?

HOPPS
I just stated the facts of the
case. I mean, it’s not like a bunny
could go savage...

NICK
Right. But a fox could? Huh?

HOPPS
Nick, stop it. You’re not like
them.

NICK
Oh, there’s a them now?

HOPPS
You know what I mean. You’re not
that kind of predator.

NICK
The kind that needs to be muzzled?
The kind that makes you think you
need to carry around Fox Repellent?

Hopps sighs guiltily.
84.


NICK (CONT’D)
Yeah, don’t think I didn’t notice
that little item the first time we
met.
(escalating anger)
So let me ask you a question. Are
you afraid of me?
(Hopps looks heartbroken)
Do you think I might go nuts? Do
you think I might go savage? Do you
think I might try to... EAT YOU?!

He lunges, like he’s going to bite her. She flinches and
unthinkingly puts her hand on the repellent.

NICK (CONT’D)
(calm, hurt)
...I knew it. Just when I thought
somebody actually believed in me...

He shoves the application at her.

NICK (CONT’D)
Probably best if you don’t have a
predator as a partner.

As he walks away, he takes off the sticker badge, crumples it
and tosses it away.

HOPPS
No. Nick. Nick!

REPORTER 5
Officer Hopps! Were you just
threatened by that predator?

HOPPS
No. He’s my friend.

REPORTER 6
We can’t even trust our own
friends?

HOPPS
That is not what I said! Please!

REPORTERS
Are we safe? / Have any other foxes
gone savage?

But no one will listen. Not anymore.
85.
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Mystery"]

Summary In Bogo's office, the mood shifts from lighthearted as he dances to a Gazelle app to serious when Clawhauser announces that Officer Hopps has located the missing mammals. The scene transitions to the asylum where Hopps confronts Mayor Lionheart about his actions. Back at the ZPD, during a press conference, Hopps nervously suggests a biological reason for predators going savage, which strains her relationship with Nick, who feels betrayed by her comments. Their argument escalates, highlighting themes of prejudice and trust, ultimately leading to Nick walking away from their partnership, leaving Hopps distressed.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Theme exploration
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Slightly predictable character reactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is impactful, emotionally charged, and moves the story forward significantly. It sets up a crucial turning point in the narrative and deepens the character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of prejudice, fear, and trust is effectively explored through the dialogue and actions of the characters. The scene challenges societal norms and addresses complex themes.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as new revelations about the missing mammals and the underlying issues in Zootopia are uncovered. The conflict escalates, leading to a pivotal moment in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on societal issues through the lens of anthropomorphic animals, offering a unique take on prejudice and identity. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Nick and Hopps are fleshed out further, revealing their vulnerabilities, fears, and conflicting perspectives. Their relationship undergoes a significant shift, adding depth to their arcs.

Character Changes: 8

Both Nick and Hopps undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, challenging their beliefs and perceptions of each other. Their relationship evolves, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself as a capable officer and gain recognition for her achievements. This reflects her deeper desire for acceptance and validation in a society where she is underestimated due to her species.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to address the missing mammal cases and handle the press conference effectively. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in maintaining order and solving the mystery.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Nick and Hopps reaches a boiling point, reflecting larger societal tensions and personal insecurities. The stakes are high as their trust and friendship are tested.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising from societal prejudices, personal relationships, and the mystery of the missing mammals. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of how these conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters confront their fears, prejudices, and trust issues. The outcome of their conflict could have far-reaching consequences for their partnership and the city of Zootopia.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information, deepening character dynamics, and setting up new conflicts and resolutions. It paves the way for the next narrative arc.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character relationships and revelations about the missing mammal cases. The conflict between the protagonist and Nick adds a layer of uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the societal prejudice and stereotypes against predators, which affects the protagonist's beliefs and values. The fear of predators reverting to savage ways challenges the protagonist's perception of her friend, Nick, who is a predator.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, from tension and guilt to anger and vulnerability. The audience is drawn into the characters' internal struggles and the weight of their words.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, emotional, and drives the conflict between the characters. It effectively conveys the themes of the scene and highlights the internal struggles of Nick and Hopps.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, emotional conflicts, and suspenseful moments. The audience is drawn into the unfolding drama and mystery.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue-driven moments and action sequences. The rhythm of the scene enhances the tension and emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde, showcasing their evolving relationship and the underlying themes of prejudice and trust. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly during the press conference. While it's important to convey information, it might benefit from a more natural flow that feels less like a lecture and more like a conversation.
  • The emotional stakes are high, especially with Nick's reaction to Judy's comments about predators. His hurt and anger are palpable, but the transition from the press conference to their argument could be smoother. The abrupt shift in tone might confuse the audience, as it moves from a public setting to a personal confrontation without a clear emotional bridge.
  • The use of the press conference as a backdrop for the conflict is clever, but it risks overshadowing the personal stakes between the characters. The scene could benefit from more visual cues or actions that reflect their emotional states, rather than relying solely on dialogue. For instance, incorporating physical gestures or expressions could enhance the tension and make the characters' feelings more relatable.
  • Nick's character development is strong in this scene, but Judy's perspective could be fleshed out further. While she expresses guilt, her motivations for her statements could be more clearly articulated. This would help the audience understand her internal conflict and make her character more sympathetic, rather than just a source of tension for Nick.
  • The ending of the scene leaves the audience with a sense of unresolved tension, which is effective for building drama. However, it might be beneficial to include a moment of reflection for Judy after Nick walks away, allowing her to process the fallout of her words. This could deepen her character arc and set up future interactions more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue during the press conference to make it feel more conversational and less expository. This could involve breaking up longer statements with questions or reactions from the reporters that reflect the urgency of the situation.
  • Add transitional moments between the press conference and the argument to help the audience follow the emotional shift. This could be done through a brief moment of silence or a shared look between Judy and Nick that hints at the tension to come.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or visual cues that reflect the characters' emotional states. For example, showing Judy fidgeting or Nick's body language shifting from confident to defensive could enhance the emotional impact of their confrontation.
  • Expand on Judy's internal conflict regarding her statements about predators. This could involve her reflecting on her own biases or fears, making her a more complex character and allowing the audience to empathize with her situation.
  • Include a moment of reflection for Judy after Nick leaves, perhaps showing her grappling with the consequences of her words. This could serve to deepen her character and set the stage for future reconciliation or conflict.



Scene 31 - Divided Zootopia: A Call for Unity
INT. NEWS STUDIO - DAY

Two ANCHORS sit in front of a graphic: TUNDRATOWN TRAGEDY.

FEMALE BOBCAT NEWS ANCHOR
More bad news in this city gripped
by fear.

News footage shows a CARIBOU being loaded into an ambulance.
Another shot shows a POLAR BEAR in a muzzle.

FEMALE BOBCAT NEWS ANCHOR (CONT’D)
A caribou is in critical condition,
the victim of a mauling by a savage
polar bear. This-- the 27th such
attack-- comes just one week after
ZPD Officer Judy Hopps connected
the violence to traditionally
predatory animals.

MALE MOOSE NEWS ANCHOR
Meanwhile, a peace rally organized
by pop star, Gazelle, was marred by
protest.

The news story cuts to footage of

THE PROTEST: Hopps is caught in the middle of the PROTESTERS,
trying to separate them.

PIG
Go back to the forest, predator!

LEOPARD
I’m from the savannah!

GAZELLE gives a sound bite to a NEWS REPORTER.

GAZELLE
Zootopia is a unique place. It’s a
crazy, beautiful, diverse city
where we celebrate our differences.
(gestures to PROTESTERS in
background)
This is not the Zootopia I know.

Gazelle’s interview plays as VO over a series of shots:

ON A SUBWAY: Hopps watches a MOTHER RABBIT bring her CHILD
close as a LION gets on the train.

GAZELLE (V.O.)
The Zootopia I know is better than
this.
(MORE)
86.

GAZELLE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
We don’t just blindly assign blame.
We don’t know why these attacks
keep happening...

IN THE HOSPITAL:

Mrs. Otterton watches her husband flail like a madman in a
padded room. Judy approaches her.

GAZELLE (V.O.)
...but it is irresponsible to label
all predators as savages.

MRS. OTTERTON
That’s not my Emmitt.

On Hopps-- a look of exhaustion and distress. BACK ON
Gazzelle’s interview--

GAZELLE
We cannot let fear divide us.
Please-- give me back the Zootopia
I love...
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Comedy"]

Summary In a tense news studio, anchors report on the escalating violence in Zootopia, focusing on a recent polar bear attack on a caribou, the 27th incident of its kind. Footage reveals the aftermath of the attack and a protest disrupting pop star Gazelle's peace rally, where she passionately advocates for unity and condemns the labeling of all predators as savages. The scene shifts to Judy Hopps, who struggles to mediate during the protest, and Mrs. Otterton, who mourns her husband's condition, illustrating the personal toll of the violence. The emotional tone is somber, reflecting the city's fear and division, culminating in Gazelle's heartfelt plea for a united Zootopia, leaving the community's conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Effective exploration of themes
  • Emotional impact on characters
  • Relevant and compelling plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Pacing could be improved in certain moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the escalating tension and emotional stakes in the story, setting up a pivotal moment for the characters and the overall plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of addressing prejudice, fear, and unity in a city divided by predator attacks is compelling and relevant. The scene effectively explores these themes through the news report and character interactions.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters uncover more information about the predator attacks and confront Mayor Lionheart. The scene sets up important developments for the resolution of the mystery.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh ideas about societal tensions between different animal species and explores themes of fear, prejudice, and unity in a unique and engaging way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show vulnerability, determination, and conflict in this scene, adding depth to their arcs. Their interactions and reactions to the news report reveal their inner struggles and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

The characters show growth, vulnerability, and determination in this scene, especially as they confront the news of the predator attacks and Mayor Lionheart's involvement.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain her belief in the goodness of all individuals, despite the growing fear and prejudice in the city. She wants to uphold her values of unity and understanding.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate and solve the recent violent attacks in the city, while also trying to bridge the divide between predators and prey.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between different species, the fear of predator attacks, and the tension between characters contribute to the overall conflict level in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and tensions that create obstacles for the protagonist and drive the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters face the growing fear and division in Zootopia, the threat of predator attacks, and the need to uncover the truth to restore unity and peace.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the predator attacks, setting up the next steps for the characters to unravel the mystery and confront the conflict.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and conflicts that challenge the characters' beliefs and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between fear-based prejudice and Gazelle's message of unity and understanding. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about labeling all predators as savages.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact of the scene is significant, as it showcases the fear, hope, and determination of the characters in the face of escalating tensions and challenges.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and tensions present, especially during the news report and character interactions. It adds depth to the themes and conflicts explored.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a compelling conflict, emotional stakes, and strong character dynamics that draw the audience in.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following industry standards for screenplay format.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a news report segment in a screenplay, effectively conveying information and advancing the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the escalating tension in Zootopia, showcasing the impact of fear and prejudice on the community. The use of news anchors to convey information is a strong choice, as it adds a layer of realism and urgency to the narrative.
  • The contrast between the news report and the footage of the protest highlights the division within the city, effectively illustrating the consequences of the recent violence. However, the scene could benefit from more emotional depth in the characters' reactions to the news, particularly Judy Hopps, who is central to the unfolding events.
  • The dialogue from the news anchors is functional but lacks a distinct voice. The anchors could have more personality or unique phrasing to make them memorable and engaging. This would enhance the overall tone of the scene and make it feel less like a standard news report.
  • The transition between the news report and the protest footage is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene and enhance the emotional impact. For example, incorporating a brief moment of silence or a reaction shot from Judy before cutting to the protest could create a stronger connection.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the juxtaposition of the peaceful rally with the chaos of the protest. However, the scene could benefit from more specific details about the setting and the characters involved in the protest to create a more vivid picture for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Judy reacts to the news report, showing her internal conflict and exhaustion. This would deepen her character and connect her more closely to the unfolding events.
  • Enhance the personalities of the news anchors by giving them distinct traits or catchphrases that reflect their perspectives on the situation. This would make the scene more engaging and memorable.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different segments of the news report and the protest footage to maintain a cohesive flow. This could involve using a voiceover from the anchors to guide the audience through the changes in visuals.
  • Incorporate more specific details about the protest, such as signs or chants, to create a more immersive experience for the audience and emphasize the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Consider ending the scene with a powerful visual or emotional moment, such as a close-up of Judy's face as she processes the chaos around her, to leave a lasting impact on the audience.



Scene 32 - A Shift in the ZPD
INT. ZPD OFFICE - DAY

The broadcast plays from Hopps’ desk computer. As she
watches, Bogo walks up behind her.

BOGO
Come on Hopps. The new Mayor wants
to see us.

HOPPS
The Mayor? Why?

BOGO
It would seem you’ve arrived.


INT. ZPD LOBBY - DAY

Clawhauser sighs and closes his laptop. He loads it into a
box of his desk items. Hopps enters.

HOPPS
Clawhauser? What’re you doing?

CLAWHAUSER
Um, they thought it would be better
if a predator such as myself wasn’t
the first face you that you see
when you walk into the ZPD.
87.


HOPPS
What?

CLAWHAUSER
They’re gonna move me to Records.
It’s downstairs. By the boiler.

Hopps’ face falls. Bogo waits for her in the background.

BOGO
Hopps!

Off Hopps’ heartbroken look, we

MATCH CUT TO:


CLOSE ON:

A PHOTO of a SMILING HOPPS. Wider to reveal: The photo is on
a PAMPHLET that reads, ZPD: Integrity. Honesty. Bravery.
Genres: ["Comedy","Mystery","Adventure"]

Summary In this poignant scene, Judy Hopps is summoned by Chief Bogo to meet the new Mayor, marking a pivotal moment in her career. However, her excitement is overshadowed by the sadness of her colleague Clawhauser, who is being reassigned to a less visible role due to his predator status. As Clawhauser packs his desk, Hopps expresses her concern and empathy, highlighting the ongoing discrimination within the Zootopia Police Department. The scene captures the emotional weight of prejudice and loss, ending with a close-up of a pamphlet featuring Hopps, symbolizing her integrity amidst the challenges.
Strengths
  • Balanced tone
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable plot twists

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, emotion, and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring identity, acceptance, and prejudice through the lens of a mystery investigation is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly, revealing key information about the missing mammals and setting up further conflicts and revelations.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on discrimination and prejudice through the lens of anthropomorphic animals, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters show depth, growth, and vulnerability, making them relatable and engaging for the audience.

Character Changes: 8

Both Nick and Hopps show vulnerability and growth, deepening their characters and setting up potential arcs for the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Judy Hopps' internal goal is to navigate the challenges of being a minority in a predominantly predator police force and to prove herself capable despite the prejudice she faces.

External Goal: 7

Judy Hopps' external goal is to understand why the Mayor wants to see her and to handle the situation professionally.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, creating tension and driving the characters' actions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's goals.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as the characters uncover dangerous truths and face personal and professional challenges.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing key information, escalating conflicts, and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as Clawhauser's relocation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is the discrimination and segregation based on species, challenging Hopps' belief in equality and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to empathy, keeping the audience emotionally invested in the characters' journey.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, emotional, and drives the story forward, capturing the essence of each character's personality.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes, character dynamics, and the unfolding of the plot.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension and emotional impact effectively, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings and dialogue format.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with clear setups and payoffs.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of loss and disappointment, particularly through Clawhauser's reassignment and Hopps' reaction. However, the emotional weight could be enhanced by providing more context about Clawhauser's character and his relationship with Hopps. This would deepen the audience's investment in the moment.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. Clawhauser's line about being moved to Records feels somewhat flat. Adding a touch of humor or a more poignant reflection on his feelings about the reassignment could make the moment more impactful.
  • The transition from the ZPD office to the lobby is somewhat abrupt. A brief moment showing Hopps' internal conflict or hesitation before she leaves her desk could create a smoother flow and build anticipation for her encounter with Clawhauser.
  • The match cut to the pamphlet is visually striking, but it could benefit from a stronger thematic connection to the preceding dialogue. The pamphlet's message of integrity, honesty, and bravery contrasts with the current situation, but this contrast isn't fully explored in the dialogue or character reactions.
  • Bogo's presence in the background feels somewhat passive. Giving him a line that reflects his awareness of the situation or his own feelings about the changes in the department could add another layer to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two from Clawhauser that reflects his feelings about being reassigned, perhaps expressing sadness or frustration. This would help the audience connect with his character more deeply.
  • Enhance Hopps' emotional response to Clawhauser's reassignment by showing her internal struggle or a moment of reflection before she reacts. This could be done through a brief pause or a visual cue that indicates her concern.
  • Incorporate a humorous or heartfelt exchange between Hopps and Clawhauser that highlights their friendship, making the moment of his reassignment feel more significant.
  • Strengthen the thematic connection between the pamphlet and the current events by having Hopps reflect on the ideals of the ZPD in light of the changes happening around her. This could be a moment of introspection that adds depth to her character.
  • Give Bogo a line that acknowledges the situation, perhaps expressing his own concerns about the department's direction or the impact of the new Mayor's decisions. This would make him feel more engaged in the scene.



Scene 33 - A Hero's Resignation
INT. BELLWETHER’S OFFICE - DAY

Hopps looks at the pamphlet. Bellwether sits across from her
at her desk.

HOPPS
Um... I don’t understand.

BELLWETHER
Our city is 90% prey, Judy. And
right now they’re just really
scared. You’re a hero to them. They
trust you. And so that’s why Chief
Bogo and I want you to be the
public face of the ZPD.

Bogo sits next to Hopps. She looks at the pamphlet again.

HOPPS
(struggling to find words)
I’m not... I’m not a hero. I came
here to make the world a better
place, but I think I broke it.

BOGO
Don’t give yourself so much credit,
Hopps. The world has always been
broken. That’s why we need good
cops-- like you.
88.


HOPPS
With all due respect, sir, a good
cop is supposed to serve and
protect-- help the city. Not tear
it apart.
(deep sigh)
I don’t deserve this badge.

She removes her badge...

BOGO
Hopps.

BELLWETHER
Judy, you’ve worked so hard to get
here. It’s what you’ve wanted since
you were a kid. You can’t quit...

HOPPS
Thank you for the opportunity.

Hopps sets her badge on the desk and walks out. Bellwether
and Bogo look at one another in shock and concern.

FADE OUT.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Mystery"]

Summary In Bellwether's office, Judy Hopps grapples with feelings of inadequacy despite being celebrated as a hero by the ZPD. Encouraged by Bellwether and Chief Bogo, she struggles with her self-worth and ultimately decides to resign, believing she has failed in her mission. Shocked, Bellwether and Bogo watch as she places her badge on the desk and walks out, leaving them concerned for her future.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Internal conflict portrayal
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external action
  • Limited interaction with other characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil of the protagonist and sets up a major turning point in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dedicated officer facing moral dilemmas and questioning her role in the system is compelling and adds depth to the character.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Hopps makes a significant decision that will impact the rest of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the hero's journey trope by subverting expectations and delving into the protagonist's internal struggles and moral dilemmas.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, especially Hopps, whose internal conflict is central to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Hopps undergoes a significant change by deciding to resign, showing growth and introspection.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to reconcile her desire to make the world a better place with the reality of the broken society she is a part of. She grapples with feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to come to terms with the offer to be the public face of the ZPD and decide whether she is deserving of the role.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is primarily internal for Hopps, as she grapples with her sense of duty and moral compass.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and moral dilemmas that challenge the protagonist's beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are high for Hopps as she grapples with her identity and purpose within the ZPD.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting up a major conflict and decision for the protagonist.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected decision of the protagonist to reject the offer and walk away, defying traditional hero narratives.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's belief in serving and protecting the city versus the reality of a broken society that may require more drastic measures.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions as the audience witnesses the protagonist's struggle and decision to resign.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters, particularly Hopps and Bogo.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth and moral complexity of the characters, drawing the audience into the protagonist's internal struggle.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, keeping the audience engaged in the protagonist's decision-making process.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Judy Hopps's internal conflict and feelings of inadequacy, which are crucial for character development. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. The exchanges between Hopps, Bellwether, and Bogo feel somewhat expository and could benefit from more subtext or emotional tension to heighten the stakes.
  • The use of the pamphlet as a visual symbol of Judy's perceived heroism is a strong choice, but the scene could explore this symbolism further. For instance, incorporating Judy's reaction to the pamphlet beyond confusion could deepen her emotional struggle, perhaps by showing her reflecting on her journey or the expectations placed upon her.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, particularly in Judy's decision to resign. While her feelings of guilt and failure are clear, the transition from her expressing doubt to her resignation could be more gradual. Adding a moment of hesitation or a flashback to her earlier aspirations could enhance the emotional weight of her decision.
  • Bogo's character comes across as supportive, but his lines could be more impactful. Instead of simply stating that the world has always been broken, he could share a personal anecdote or a more specific example that resonates with Judy's situation, making his encouragement feel more genuine and relatable.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Judy walking out, which is effective in conveying her decision, but it leaves the audience wanting more resolution. A brief moment of silence or a lingering shot on Bellwether and Bogo's shocked expressions could emphasize the gravity of Judy's choice and its implications for the ZPD.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to Judy's dialogue by incorporating her memories or aspirations, which could create a stronger contrast between her dreams and her current feelings of failure.
  • Enhance the tension in the scene by allowing Bellwether and Bogo to express their concerns more passionately, perhaps by showing their fear of losing Judy as a public figure and the impact it would have on the ZPD's reputation.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation before Judy removes her badge, allowing the audience to feel her internal struggle more acutely. This could be a physical gesture, like her hand hovering over the badge, before she ultimately decides to resign.
  • Explore the dynamics between the three characters further. Perhaps include a moment where Bellwether shares her own struggles or insecurities, creating a bond with Judy that makes her resignation feel even more poignant.
  • Consider ending the scene with a visual metaphor, such as a close-up of the badge on the desk, to symbolize Judy's internal conflict and the weight of her decision, leaving the audience with a lasting impression of her sacrifice.



Scene 34 - A Breakthrough at the Vegetable Stand
EXT. HOPPS’ FARMS VEGETABLE STAND - DAY

Hopps, with a thousand yard stare, works the carrot stand.
She wraps some carrots in a newspaper-- Headline: GROWING
UNREST DIVIDES CITY-- and hands them to a RABBIT FAMILY.

HOPPS
A dozen carrots.

RABBIT MOM
Thanks!

HOPPS
Have a nice day.

RABBIT MOM
(to daughter)
Come on.

Hopps reads the paper as Stu and Bonnie approach, concerned.

STU HOPPS
Hey there, Jude-- Jude the dude,
remember that one? How we doin?

HOPPS.
I’m fine.
89.


BONNIE HOPPS
You are not fine. Your ears are
droopy.

Hopps remains fixed on the newspaper and lets out a sigh.

HOPPS
Why did I think I could make a
difference?

STU HOPPS
Because you’re a trier, that’s why.

BONNIE HOPPS
You’ve always been a trier.

HOPPS
Oh, I tried. And it made life so
much worse for so many innocent
predators.

Off-screen, BEEP-BEEP.

STU HOPPS
Oh, not all of them, though. Speak
of the devil. Right on time.

A truck pulls up. Its sign reads: GIDEON GREY’S GOOD BAKED
STUFF... With Fresh Produce From Hopps Family Farms.

HOPPS
Is that... Gideon Grey?

STU HOPPS
Yep. It sure is. We work with him
now.

BONNIE HOPPS
He’s our partner. And we never
would have considered it had you
not opened our minds.

STU HOPPS
That’s right. I mean, Gid’s turned
into one of the top pastry chefs in
the tri-burrows.

HOPPS
That’s really cool, you guys.

GIDEON GREY, now paunchy, climbs out his truck.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Gideon Grey. I’ll be darned.
90.


ADULT GIDEON GREY
Hey Judy-- I’d like to say I’m
sorry for the way I behaved in my
youth. I had a lotta self-doubt
that manifested itself in the form
of unchecked rage and aggression. I
was a major jerk.

HOPPS
Well, I know a thing or two about
being a jerk...

ADULT GIDEON GREY
Anyhow-- I brought you all these
pies.

He holds out some pies. KID BUNNIES come tearing across the
field, bee-lining for the pies. Stu shouts at the kids.

STU HOPPS
Hey kids! Don’t you run through
that midnicampum holicithias!

RABBIT KID
(holding back the others)
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

ADULT GIDEON GREY
Now there’s a 4-dollar word, Mr. H.
My family always just called them
night howlers.

Wait. What?

HOPPS
I’m sorry, what did you say?

Stu gestures to the flowers growing on the edge of the crops.

STU HOPPS
Oh, Gid’s talking about those
flowers, Judy. I use ‘em to keep
bugs off the produce. But I don’t
like the little ones going near ‘em
on account of what happened to your
Uncle Terry.

BONNIE HOPPS
Yeah, Terry ate one whole when we
were kids and went completely nuts.

STU HOPPS
He bit the dickens out of your
mother.
91.


HOPPS
(a dawning realization)
A bunny can go savage...

We stay on Hopps as she pieces it together.

BONNIE HOPPS
Savage? Well, that’s a strong word.
But it did hurt like the devil.

STU HOPPS
Well sure it did. There’s a sizable
divot in your arm. I’d call that
savage.

HOPPS
(as if doing an equation)
Night howlers aren’t wolves.
They’re flowers. The flowers are
making the predators go savage.
That’s it! That’s what I’ve been
missing!

Hopps races away, then turns back.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Oh, keys! Keys! Keys! Keys! Hurry!
Come on! Thank you, I love you bye!

Stu tosses her the keys to his pick-up. Hopps jumps into the
truck, peels out, leaving Stu and Bonnie in the dust.

STU HOPPS
You catch any of that, Bon?

BONNIE HOPPS
Not one bit.

GIDEON GREY
Well, that makes me feel a little
better. I thought she was talking
in tongues or something.
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary At her family's vegetable stand, Hopps feels disheartened about her impact on the community. Concerned, her parents, Stu and Bonnie, discuss her mood and share a family story. Gideon Grey arrives to apologize for his past behavior and brings pies, contributing to the conversation. During this exchange, Hopps realizes that the 'night howlers' are actually flowers causing predators to go savage, prompting her to rush off to investigate, leaving her parents and Gideon confused by her sudden urgency.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Revelation of key information
  • Character growth
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is impactful, revealing crucial information and showcasing character growth.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of night howlers causing predator savagery is a significant revelation that drives the plot forward.

Plot: 8

The plot advances with the discovery of the night howlers' role in predator behavior.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the concept of predators going savage, incorporating elements of mystery and discovery. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character development is evident, especially with Judy's realization and Gideon's redemption.

Character Changes: 8

Judy experiences a significant realization, and Gideon shows growth and remorse.

Internal Goal: 8

Hopps' internal goal is to make a difference and understand the cause of predators going savage. This reflects her desire to help others and her curiosity to solve mysteries.

External Goal: 7

Hopps' external goal is to investigate the cause of predators going savage and potentially find a solution to the problem. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in her community.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is more internal and emotional rather than external.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's beliefs, but not overwhelming to the point of resolution. This keeps the audience intrigued and invested in the outcome.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are more personal and emotional in this scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides crucial information that propels the story forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and the revelation about the night howler flowers. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of predators going savage and the impact of the night howler flowers on their behavior. This challenges Hopps' beliefs about predators and the nature of their actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, especially with Judy's realization and Gideon's apology.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is informative and emotional, but not particularly standout.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the mix of humor, mystery, and character development. The dialogue and interactions keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and character introspection. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and builds tension effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene aligns with the expected format for its genre, making it easy to follow and engaging for the reader.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Judy Hopps' emotional state following her resignation, showcasing her feelings of inadequacy and disillusionment. The use of the carrot stand as a setting symbolizes her return to her roots and the mundanity of her current situation, contrasting sharply with her earlier aspirations.
  • The dialogue between Hopps and her parents is heartfelt and provides insight into her character's internal struggle. However, it could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional impact. For instance, while her parents express concern, their dialogue could hint at their own fears about the state of Zootopia, adding layers to their interactions.
  • Gideon Grey's introduction serves as a pivotal moment, allowing for character growth and reconciliation. His apology is a nice touch, but it feels somewhat rushed. Expanding on this moment could enhance the emotional weight of the scene, allowing for a more profound exploration of forgiveness and change.
  • The revelation about the night howlers being flowers is a strong plot point, but the transition to this realization feels abrupt. It would be beneficial to build up to this moment with more visual cues or dialogue that foreshadows this connection, making it feel like a natural conclusion to her internal conflict.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the ending feels a bit rushed. Judy's sudden departure could be more impactful if it included a moment of hesitation or reflection before she races off, emphasizing her urgency and the stakes of her realization.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or visual cues that reflect Judy's emotional turmoil throughout the scene. This could help the audience connect more deeply with her character.
  • Expand on the dialogue between Judy and her parents to include more subtext about their concerns for her and the state of Zootopia, which would add depth to their relationship and the overall narrative.
  • Give Gideon Grey's apology more weight by allowing for a longer exchange that explores the themes of redemption and forgiveness, perhaps including a moment where Judy reflects on her own growth.
  • Introduce subtle hints or foreshadowing about the night howlers earlier in the scene, perhaps through Judy's observations or her parents' comments, to make her realization feel more organic.
  • Slow down the pacing towards the end of the scene to allow for a moment of reflection from Judy before she rushes off, which would heighten the tension and stakes of her newfound understanding.



Scene 35 - Reconciliation Under the Bridge
EXT. ZOOTOPIA - SAHARA SQUARE - STREET

Hopps drives the farm truck to Finnick’s van. She knocks.

FINNICK
Who is it?

HOPPS
I need to find Nick. Please.
92.


Finnick gives her a reluctant look, then softens.


EXT. BRIDGE - LATER

Hopps arrives at an underpass. She looks around, it’s a
desolate, sad place.

HOPPS
Nick? Nick!

There’s Nick, sitting on a lawn chair under the bridge.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Oh, Nick! Night howlers aren’t
wolves. They’re toxic flowers. I
think someone is targeting
predators on purpose and making
them go savage.

NICK
Wow. Isn’t that interesting.

He gets up, walks under the bridge. She follows.

HOPPS
Wait! Wait, please-- I know you’ll
never forgive me. And I don’t blame
you. I wouldn’t forgive me either.
I was ignorant and irresponsible
and small-minded... But predators
shouldn’t suffer because of my
mistakes. I have to fix this, but I
can’t do it without you.

He sighs, but still won’t look at her.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
(getting emotional)
And after we’re done, you can hate
me, and that’ll be fine, because I
was a horrible friend and I hurt
you... and you can walk away
knowing you were right all along, I
really am just a dumb bunny.

It seems she lost him, then:

HOPPS (ON RECORDER) (CONT’D)
I really am just a dumb bunny. I
really am just a dumb bunny.

Hopps cocks her head. Huh? Nick turns to her... holding her
recording pen.
93.


NICK
Don’t worry, Carrots, I’ll let you
erase it... in 48 hours.

Hopps sniffles and wipes a tear from her eye.

NICK (CONT’D)
Alright, get in here.

Hopps leans her head on Nick’s chest. He gives her a hug.

NICK (CONT’D)
Okay. Oh, you bunnies... You’re so
emotional. There we go. Deep
breath.
(then)
Are you just trying to steal the
pen. Is that what this is?
(then)
You are standing on my tail,
though. Off, off, off.

HOPPS
I’m sorry.
Genres: ["Animation","Adventure","Comedy"]

Summary In a somber setting under a bridge in Sahara Square, Hopps seeks out Nick to reveal the truth about the toxic night howlers and express her regret for her past actions. Initially hurt and dismissive, Nick distances himself but is eventually moved by Hopps' heartfelt apology and vulnerability. After a tense exchange, he agrees to help her, showcasing a moment of reconciliation despite their lingering conflicts.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Plot revelation
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of intense conflict
  • Limited external stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines emotional depth with plot development, creating a poignant and impactful moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reconciliation and forgiveness is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and advancing the plot with the revelation about the toxic flowers.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly with the revelation about the toxic flowers and the characters' decision to work together to solve the mystery.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on themes of forgiveness, redemption, and friendship, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Hopps and Nick are fleshed out through their emotional exchange, showcasing their growth and willingness to move past their differences.

Character Changes: 8

Both characters experience growth and change as they confront their past mistakes and decide to work together, setting the stage for their evolving relationship.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to seek forgiveness and redemption for her past mistakes. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance, understanding, and the desire to make amends for the harm she has caused.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince Nick to help her solve the mystery of predators going savage. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in uncovering the truth and stopping the threat.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional conflict between the characters, the scene focuses more on resolution and reconciliation rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, challenging the protagonist's beliefs, values, and relationships, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not explicitly high in this scene, the emotional stakes for the characters are significant as they navigate their complex relationship and the mystery at hand.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing a crucial plot revelation and deepening the bond between the main characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations, character interactions, and plot twists that keep the audience invested and intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the theme of forgiveness, redemption, and the consequences of ignorance. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about herself and her relationships with others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience through the characters' vulnerability and honesty, creating a memorable and touching moment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is heartfelt and authentic, capturing the emotional weight of the scene while also providing important information about the plot.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character dynamics, and thematic complexity, drawing the audience into the protagonist's journey and struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments with dialogue, action, and character interactions, maintaining a steady rhythm and flow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of events, character interactions, and dialogue that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The emotional stakes in this scene are high, as Judy is trying to reconcile with Nick after their previous fallout. However, the dialogue could benefit from more specificity and depth. While Judy's apology is heartfelt, it feels somewhat generic. Adding more personal anecdotes or specific examples of how she hurt Nick could enhance the emotional weight of her words.
  • Nick's initial reluctance and sarcasm are well-established, but his transition to acceptance feels a bit abrupt. It would be more impactful if there were a gradual shift in his demeanor, perhaps showing more internal conflict before he ultimately agrees to help Judy. This would make his eventual acceptance feel more earned.
  • The setting under the bridge is effective in conveying a sense of desolation, but it could be further utilized to reflect the characters' emotional states. For instance, incorporating more sensory details about the environment could enhance the mood—such as the sounds of the city in the distance or the feeling of the cold concrete beneath them.
  • The use of the recording pen as a plot device is clever, but it could be more thematically tied to the scene. Instead of just being a tool for humor, it could symbolize Judy's desire to document her journey of redemption or her struggle with her identity as a cop and a friend.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from Judy's emotional plea to Nick's acceptance. Allowing for a moment of silence or reflection after Judy's speech could heighten the tension and make Nick's eventual response more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding specific examples of how Judy's actions affected Nick in the past to deepen the emotional resonance of her apology.
  • Introduce more internal conflict for Nick before he agrees to help Judy, perhaps through a brief moment of hesitation or reflection on their past.
  • Enhance the setting by incorporating more sensory details that reflect the characters' emotional states, creating a stronger atmosphere.
  • Make the recording pen a more significant symbol in the scene, perhaps by having Judy express her desire to document her journey of redemption.
  • Allow for a moment of silence or reflection after Judy's emotional plea to build tension before Nick responds, making his acceptance feel more earned.



Scene 36 - Confronting Duke Weaselton
INT. HOPPS’ FAMILY TRUCK - MOMENTS LATER

Hopps drives as Nick sits shotgun-- eating blueberries.

NICK
I thought you guys only grew
carrots.
(then, eats)
What’s the plan?

HOPPS
We are gonna follow the night
howlers.

NICK
Okay. How?

HOPPS
(shows picture of weasel)
Know this guy?

NICK
Uh-huh. I told you, I know
everybody.
94.


EXT. ZOOTOPIA STREET - LATER

We find the weasel selling crappy knock-off merchandise on a
street corner.

DUKE WEASELTON
Well, hello, step right up!
Anything you need... I got it. All
your favorite movies! I got movies
that haven’t even been released
yet!

An ARMADILLO CUSTOMER scans an array of blatant knock-off
movies like “Wreck-it Rhino,” “Wrangled,” and “Pig Hero 6.”

DUKE WEASELTON (CONT’D)
Hey, 15% off! 20! Make me an offer!
Come on!

NICK
(suddenly appearing)
Well, well, look who it is. The
duke of bootleg.

DUKE WEASELTON
What’s it to you, Wilde? Shouldn’t
you be melting down a popsicle or
something?
(sees Hopps)
Hey, if it isn’t Flopsy the Copsy.

HOPPS
We both know those weren’t moldy
onions I caught you stealing. What
were you gonna do with those night
howlers, Wessleton?

DUKE WEASELTON
It’s Weaselton. Duke Weaselton. And
I ain’t talking, rabbit. And ain’t
nothing you can do to make me.

Weaselton flicks a toothpick in her face. Hopps smiles at
Nick.
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary Hopps drives her family truck with Nick, discussing their plan to investigate the night howlers. They arrive at a street corner where Duke Weaselton is selling bootleg merchandise. Hopps confronts Weaselton about his theft, while Nick engages in witty banter. Weaselton mocks them and refuses to provide any information, leaving Hopps and Nick determined to continue their investigation despite the setback.
Strengths
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Humor intertwined with tension
  • Plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Slight predictability in the confrontation with Duke Weaselton

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, tension, and character development, moving the plot forward while maintaining audience engagement.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of investigating the night howlers and confronting a shady character adds depth to the storyline and sets up further conflict and intrigue.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Hopps and Nick gather crucial information about the night howlers and the mysterious weasel, setting the stage for the next phase of their investigation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the buddy cop genre by using anthropomorphic animals as characters and exploring themes of prejudice and identity. The dialogue feels authentic and humorous, adding a layer of originality to the familiar setting of a crime investigation.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Hopps and Nick's interactions reveal more about their personalities and motivations, deepening their characters and strengthening their bond.

Character Changes: 7

Both Hopps and Nick show growth and vulnerability in their interactions, deepening their characters and setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

Judy Hopps' internal goal in this scene is to prove herself as a capable and determined police officer, despite facing skepticism and challenges from others. This reflects her deeper need for validation, respect, and the desire to make a difference in a society that underestimates her.

External Goal: 7

Judy Hopps' external goal in this scene is to track down the source of the night howlers, a mysterious plant causing animals to go savage. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she's facing as a rookie cop trying to solve a high-stakes case.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The confrontation with Duke Weaselton creates tension and raises the stakes for the characters, driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Duke Weaselton serving as a formidable obstacle to Judy Hopps' investigation. His defiance and deception create tension and uncertainty, challenging Judy to find a way to overcome his resistance.

High Stakes: 8

The discovery of the night howlers and the confrontation with Duke Weaselton raise the stakes for Hopps and Nick, highlighting the importance of their investigation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by providing key information, introducing new challenges, and deepening the characters' journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes as the tension escalates between Judy Hopps and Duke Weaselton, leading to a surprising confrontation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between honesty and deception, lawfulness and criminality. Judy Hopps represents honesty and justice, while Duke Weaselton embodies deception and criminal behavior. This challenges Judy's beliefs in the system and her values of integrity and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from humor to suspense to empathy, engaging the audience on multiple levels.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals important information about the plot and characters, enhancing the scene's dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic dialogue, intriguing conflict, and humorous interactions between characters. The audience is drawn into the mystery of the night howlers and invested in Judy Hopps' determination to solve the case.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing exposition, action, and character development. The rapid-fire dialogue and shifting dynamics keep the audience engaged and maintain a sense of urgency and suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. This enhances readability and clarity for the reader.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and momentum.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the emotional weight of the previous moments to a more lighthearted tone, showcasing the dynamic between Hopps and Nick. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their relationship and the stakes of their mission.
  • Duke Weaselton's introduction is humorous and fits the tone of the film, but his dialogue could be sharpened to enhance his character's personality. The use of 'crappy knock-off merchandise' is a bit on-the-nose; a more creative description could add to the humor.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from the truck to the street corner. A brief moment of reflection or banter between Hopps and Nick could help establish their camaraderie before they confront Weaselton.
  • While the scene introduces the conflict with Weaselton, it lacks a clear sense of urgency or stakes regarding the night howlers. Adding a line or two that emphasizes the potential danger or consequences of their investigation could heighten the tension.
  • The visual elements are engaging, but the scene could benefit from more descriptive action lines that illustrate the characters' movements and expressions, enhancing the comedic timing and emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of banter between Hopps and Nick in the truck that reflects their growing partnership and sets the tone for the confrontation with Weaselton.
  • Revise Duke Weaselton's dialogue to include more clever wordplay or puns related to his merchandise, making him a more memorable character.
  • Incorporate a line or two that highlights the urgency of their mission regarding the night howlers, perhaps referencing the potential harm they could cause to the community.
  • Enhance the action lines to provide more visual detail about the characters' expressions and movements, which can help with comedic timing and character development.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger hook or cliffhanger that propels the narrative forward, perhaps by hinting at a larger conspiracy or danger related to the night howlers.



Scene 37 - Night Howler Heist
INT. MR. BIG’S PLACE - A LITTLE LATER

We find polar bears holding the weasel over the ice pit.

MR. BIG
Ice ‘em.
95.


DUKE WEASELTON
Aaagh! Agh!
(to Nick)
Ya dirty rat! Why ya helping her?!
She’s a cop!

MR. BIG
And the godmother to my future
granddaughter.

Reveal: FRU FRU is pregnant.

FRU FRU SHREW
I’m gonna name her Judy.

HOPPS
Aw.

MR. BIG
(to polar bears)
Ice this weasel.

DUKE WEASELTON
All right, all right, please! I’ll
talk! I’ll talk. I stole them night
howlers so I could sell ‘em. They
offered me what I couldn’t
refuse... Money.

HOPPS
And to whom did you sell them?

DUKE WEASELTON (PRE-LAP)
A ram named Doug. We got a drop
spot underground...


EXT. SUBWAY STATION - A LITTLE LATER

Nick and Hopps approach an abandoned subway station.

DUKE WEASELTON (V.O.)
...Just watch it. Doug is the
opposite of friendly. He’s
unfriendly...

They arrive at the entrance and quickly sneak under the gate.


INT. ABANDONED SUBWAY STATION - MOMENTS LATER

They emerge on a platform and spot an abandoned subway car.
96.


HOPPS
Come on!

As they sneak up to it... Hopps pulls open the window and
looks inside the car. They both jump into...


INT. THE GREENHOUSE CAR - CONTINUOUS

They both see the rows of night howlers.

HOPPS
The weasel wasn’t lying.

NICK
Yeah, looks like old Doug’s
cornered the market on night
howlers...

Click! A door opens off screen! They quickly hide under a
desk as a TOUGH SHEEP LABWORKER enters.

He goes through the process of harvesting the pollen,
eventually producing a small, blue paint ball pellet of night
howler toxin. Nick and Hopps watch it all.

The Sheep’s phone RINGS.

DOUG
(into phone)
You got Doug here. What’s the mark?
Cheetah in Sahara Square. Got it.

The Sheep loads a gun, cocks it. We see a MAP with pictures
of a various animal targets.

DOUG (CONT’D)
(into phone)
Serious? Yeah, I know they’re fast.
I can hit him. Listen, I hit a tiny
little otter through the open
window of a moving car.

Hearing this, the pieces of the puzzle start falling into
place for Hopps. She looks up at the picture of Otterton-- we
FLASHBACK to see Doug hitting him with a serum pellet. Then
Hopps looks at Manchas’s picture-- we FLASHBACK to that.

DOUG (CONT’D)
(into phone)
Yeah I’ll buzz you when it’s done.
Or you’ll see it on the news. Ya
know, whichever comes first.
97.


BAM, BAM, BAM! The goons have returned.

WOOLTER (O.S.)
Hey Doug, open up! We’ve got your
latte.

DOUG
(into phone)
Alright, Woolter and Jesse are
back, so I’m leaving now.
(then)
Out.

Hopps looks around, what is she going to do. As Doug goes to
the door to unlock it, Hopps creeps out of their hiding spot.

NICK
Hey. Hey! Where are you going? Get
back here! What are you doing?!
He’s gonna see you! What are you
looking at? Hey! Whatever you’re
thinking, stop thinking it.
Carrots! Carrots!

DOUG
It better have the extra foam this
time--

BAM! Hopps kicks Woolter in the back, knocking him into the
other two Thugs. Hopps locks the door.

WOOLTER (O.S.)
Hey, open up!

The Thugs start banging on the doors.

NICK
What are you doing?! You just
trapped us in here!

HOPPS
We need to get this evidence to the
ZPD.

Nick picks up the case.

NICK
Okay. Great. Here it is. Got it.

HOPPS
No. All of it!

NICK
Wait, what?
98.


Hopps rushes to the control room, tries to start the engine.

NICK (CONT’D)
Great, you’re a conductor now? Hey,
listen-- It would take a miracle to
get this rust-bucket going.

The train starts moving.

NICK (CONT’D)
Well... Hallelujah!
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Mystery"]

Summary In a tense scene at Mr. Big's place, Duke Weaselton is threatened by polar bears and reveals his criminal dealings with night howlers. Nick and Judy Hopps sneak into an abandoned subway station, discovering a greenhouse car filled with the dangerous plants. They overhear Doug, a tough ram, plotting to use the night howler toxin against various animals. Hopps bravely confronts Doug's thugs, locking them in and managing to start the train, surprising Nick and setting the stage for their escape.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Revealing crucial plot information
  • Character bravery and quick thinking
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable elements in the confrontation with Doug

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and advances the plot significantly. It introduces a key plot element and sets up a major conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the night howlers as a dangerous toxin targeting predators is innovative and adds depth to the story. The revelation of Doug's involvement in the scheme adds complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds rapidly, with new information being revealed and the stakes escalating. The discovery of the night howlers and the confrontation with Doug drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique situations like a greenhouse car filled with night howlers, fresh approaches to detective work, and authentic character interactions that add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Judy Hopps demonstrates courage and resourcefulness in this scene, showcasing her determination to uncover the truth. Nick provides comic relief and support, adding depth to their dynamic.

Character Changes: 8

Hopps demonstrates growth and determination as she takes charge of the situation and confronts Doug. This scene marks a turning point in her investigation.

Internal Goal: 9

Judy Hopps' internal goal is to prove herself as a capable and respected police officer despite the challenges and prejudices she faces as a small bunny in a big city. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance, validation, and the desire to make a difference.

External Goal: 8

Judy Hopps' external goal is to uncover the truth behind the missing animals case and bring the criminals to justice. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she's facing as a rookie cop in a corrupt city.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Hopps and Doug, as well as the physical danger they face, creates a high level of tension and suspense. The stakes are raised as they confront the antagonist.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult obstacles, dangerous situations, and uncertain outcomes that raise the stakes and create suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Hopps and Nick confront Doug and uncover his involvement in the night howler scheme. The danger they face adds intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the plot by revealing crucial information about the night howlers and setting up a confrontation with the antagonist. It propels the narrative towards a resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, turns, and revelations that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of justice, morality, and the consequences of greed. It challenges Judy's beliefs in the inherent goodness of individuals and the importance of upholding the law.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of urgency and danger, as well as admiration for Hopps' bravery. The revelation about the night howlers adds a layer of emotional complexity to the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and propels the action forward. It effectively conveys the urgency of the situation and the characters' motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency, building tension, and delivering key plot points at a steady rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions that enhance readability.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, rising action, and a cliffhanger ending that propels the story forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and humor through the interactions between Duke Weaselton, Mr. Big, and the polar bears. The stakes are clear, and the comedic elements are well-timed, particularly with the absurdity of the situation involving a weasel being threatened by polar bears.
  • The dialogue is engaging and serves to advance the plot while also revealing character motivations. Duke Weaselton's desperation and Mr. Big's authoritative demeanor create a dynamic that keeps the audience invested.
  • The transition from Mr. Big's place to the abandoned subway station is smooth, maintaining the pacing of the scene. However, the scene could benefit from a clearer visual description of the subway station to enhance the atmosphere and provide a stronger sense of place.
  • The introduction of Doug as a new antagonist is effective, but his character could be fleshed out more. Providing a brief visual or behavioral cue that hints at his personality would make him more memorable and add depth to the conflict.
  • The action sequence where Hopps kicks Woolter and locks the door is exciting, but it feels slightly rushed. More buildup to this moment could heighten the tension, allowing the audience to feel the urgency of the situation more acutely.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Hopps before she decides to confront Doug. This could deepen her character and make her actions more impactful.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the subway station and the greenhouse car to create a more vivid setting. This could include sensory details like sounds, smells, and the overall ambiance to immerse the audience further.
  • Introduce Doug with a more distinct personality trait or quirk that sets him apart from other characters. This could be a catchphrase, a unique mannerism, or a specific way of speaking that makes him more memorable.
  • Expand on the action sequence by including more physical comedy or clever maneuvers from Hopps and Nick as they navigate the chaos. This could add an extra layer of excitement and humor to the scene.
  • Consider incorporating a moment of teamwork between Hopps and Nick during the confrontation with Doug. This could highlight their growing partnership and add emotional weight to their actions.



Scene 38 - Train Trouble: A Chaotic Escape
INT. TRAIN TRACKS - SAME

DOUG
(on the phone)
We kinda got a situation at the
lab...
(noticing train)
Oh! It just got worse!

Doug and his minions race after the train.

BACK TO:


INT. SUBWAY CAR - SAME

Nick and Hopps race away, feeling fairly confident.

NICK
Mission accomplished. Would it be
premature for me to do a little
victory toot-toot?

HOPPS
All right. One toot-toot.

Nick blows the train whistle.

NICK
Well, I can cross that off the
bucket list.

Things are looking up, when:

BAM! Woolter just busted into the car. Nick slams the door
closed right before Woolter gets to them.

NICK (CONT’D)
I may have to rescind that victory
toot-toot.
99.


Noise from the roof above them... BAM! BAM! BAM!

NICK (CONT’D)
Maybe that’s just hail?

Uh-oh. Jesse busts through the window. He’s stuck, but
flailing at Hopps. Nick tries to pull him away.

NICK (CONT’D)
Back off!

Nick gets punched backward and notices Woolter charging
toward the door at full speed. Right before Woolter arrives,
Nick pulls the door open.

NICK (CONT’D)
Incoming!

Woolter’s momentum carries him into Jesse-- dislodging him
onto the tracks. Hopps is knocked out the window, but grabs
onto Woolter’s horn. Hopps tries to hang on as the subway car
hurtles down the tunnel.

NICK (CONT’D)
Carrots?!

HOPPS
(to Nick)
Don’t stop! Keep going!

JESSE
(about to get run over)
No! No! Please stop!

HOPPS
Do not stop this car!

Jesse dives to safety and Hopps gets bucked up onto the top
of the train. Nick takes the wheel as the train emerges above
ground. Hopps looks up to see... Another train coming toward
them... on the same track! She sees a turn-off switch ahead.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Speed up, Nick! Speed up!

NICK
(staving off Woolter)
There’s another train coming!

HOPPS
Trust me! SPEED! UP!

Woolter sees the train coming and tries to get unstuck, but
he can’t. He struggles like crazy.
100.


WOOLTER
Stop the train! Hey!

Then, at the last second, Hopps appears next to him:

HOPPS
Hey. Need some help?

Hopps kicks Woolter off the train and he lands perfectly on
the turn-off switch on the tracks below. At the last possible
second, their train switches tracks-- just avoiding the
oncoming car.

Except...

NICK
Oh no! Oh no, no, no! Too fast!
Hold on!

The train derails as it takes the curve. The night howlers
catch fire.

NICK (CONT’D)
I think this is our stop!

Hopps and Nick dive out of the car and onto a subway
platform... Just as the lab car EXPLODES.

HOPPS
Okay... Maybe some of the evidence
survived.

A second loud EXPLOSION. The train is destroyed.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
Everything is gone. We’ve lost it
all.

NICK
(shaking head)
Yeah. Oh, except for this.

Nick holds up a case-- containing a gun and a pellet.

HOPPS
Oh, Nick! Yes!

Judy SMACKS him on the arm. Hard. Nick grimaces.

NICK
Ow.
101.


HOPPS
Come on! We gotta get to the ZPD.
Cut through the Natural History
Museum!
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Comedy","Animation"]

Summary In a tense subway car chase, Doug panics over a lab situation while Nick and Hopps celebrate their victory until Woolter attacks. Amidst the chaos, Jesse gets stuck in a window, and as Nick and Hopps attempt to flee, they face an oncoming train. Hopps heroically kicks Woolter off the train, allowing them to switch tracks just before the train derails and explodes. Despite the destruction, Nick salvages a case with a gun and a pellet, prompting them to head to the ZPD through the Natural History Museum.
Strengths
  • Engaging action sequences
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Emotional depth and growth for main characters
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the action sequence
  • Predictable resolution to the train chase

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a perfect blend of action, humor, and character development. The tension and excitement keep the audience on the edge of their seats, while the emotional moments add depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a thrilling train chase involving dangerous adversaries and explosive consequences is executed brilliantly, keeping the audience invested in the outcome. The scene effectively combines action with character development, making it a standout moment in the screenplay.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene as Nick and Hopps confront their enemies and face a life-threatening situation. The discovery of the night howlers and the explosive climax propel the story forward, setting up the resolution of the conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through its unique blend of action, humor, and character development. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Nick and Hopps shine in this scene, showcasing their bravery, wit, and growth throughout the intense situation. Their interactions and dialogue reveal deeper layers of their personalities, making them more relatable and compelling to the audience.

Character Changes: 7

Both Nick and Hopps undergo character growth in this scene, as they confront their fears, work together to overcome obstacles, and demonstrate courage in the face of danger. Their bond strengthens, and they learn to trust each other more deeply.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome fear and uncertainty in the face of danger. Nick and Hopps must navigate a chaotic situation and stay focused on their mission despite the challenges they encounter.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to escape the train and reach safety while dealing with unexpected obstacles and threats. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with Nick and Hopps facing off against dangerous adversaries and a life-threatening situation. The tension is palpable as they must outsmart their enemies and prevent the night howler toxin from causing further harm.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing multiple obstacles and threats that challenge their goals and values. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will navigate the dangers.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, as Nick and Hopps must prevent the night howler toxin from causing further harm, outsmart dangerous adversaries, and save themselves from a life-threatening situation. The explosive climax raises the stakes even higher.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward, as Nick and Hopps uncover crucial information about the night howlers, confront their enemies, and prevent a disaster from occurring. The resolution of the train chase sets up the climax of the screenplay.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected obstacles and twists that the characters face. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will overcome the challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' choices in the face of danger and uncertainty. Nick and Hopps must decide whether to prioritize their mission or their safety, highlighting their values and priorities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a significant emotional impact, as Nick and Hopps face danger and uncertainty while trying to save the day. The moments of bravery, sacrifice, and camaraderie resonate with the audience, eliciting a range of emotions from tension to relief.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and emotionally resonant, adding depth to the character interactions and advancing the plot effectively. The banter between Nick and Hopps injects humor into the tense situation, balancing the tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and witty dialogue. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and triumphs, creating a sense of excitement and suspense.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and excitement throughout the action sequence. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The visual elements are well-defined, enhancing the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and excitement.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension with the introduction of Doug and his minions chasing after the train, creating a sense of urgency. However, the transition between the two locations (from Doug's perspective to Nick and Hopps) could be smoother to maintain the flow of action.
  • Nick's playful banter about the 'victory toot-toot' adds humor, which is a nice contrast to the escalating danger. However, the humor could be enhanced by incorporating more physical comedy or visual gags that align with the frantic pace of the scene.
  • The action sequences are well-paced, but some moments feel rushed, particularly when Woolter and Jesse enter the scene. More descriptive action beats could help clarify the chaos and enhance the visual storytelling.
  • Hopps' determination is clear, but her dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of simply telling Nick to 'speed up,' consider adding a line that reflects her emotional state or urgency, which would deepen her character in this moment.
  • The climax of the scene, where the train derails and explodes, is visually striking but could benefit from a clearer emotional reaction from both characters. Their responses to the destruction could heighten the stakes and provide a moment of reflection amidst the chaos.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Doug's panic as he realizes the train is approaching, which would heighten the tension and provide a clearer motivation for his actions.
  • Incorporate more physical comedy during the struggle with Jesse and Woolter, such as exaggerated movements or humorous dialogue that reflects the absurdity of the situation.
  • Clarify the action sequences by breaking them down into smaller, more digestible beats. This will help the reader visualize the chaos and maintain the pacing.
  • Enhance Hopps' dialogue to reflect her emotional stakes, perhaps by expressing her fear or determination in a more personal way.
  • After the explosion, include a moment where Nick and Hopps process the loss of evidence, allowing for a brief pause in the action to reflect on the consequences of their actions.



Scene 39 - The Museum Showdown
INT. NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM - NIGHT

Nick and Hopps race through the empty museum. The ZPD
entrance is just ahead.

HOPPS
Oh! There it is!

They’re going to make it.

BELLWETHER (O.S.)
Judy! Judy!

Judy and Nick stop and turn. There’s Bellwether, standing
behind them with TWO RAM COPS.

HOPPS
Mayor Bellwether!
(out of breath, rapidly)
We found out what’s happening.
Someone’s darting predators with a
serum-- that’s what’s making them
go savage.

BELLWETHER
(applauding)
I am so proud of you, Judy. You did
just a super job.

HOPPS
Thank you, ma’am.
(troubling realization)
How did you know where to find us?

BELLWETHER
I’ll go ahead and I’ll take that
case now.

HOPPS
You know what... I think Nick and I
will just take this to the ZPD...

Hopps turns toward the ZPD. Uh oh. One of Bellwether’s RAMS
is blocking the way. Nick just now gets what’s going on.

HOPPS (CONT’D) NICK
Run! Run!
102.


They take off-- away from the ZPD-- down a dark corridor.

BELLWETHER
Get them!

Hopps looks over her shoulder as she runs-- not seeing a
sharp WOOLY MAMMOTH TUSK sticking out. It slashes her leg,
knocking her off her feet.

HOPPS
Ach!

NICK
Ah Carrots!

Nick goes to her. Her leg is bleeding badly.

NICK (CONT’D)
I got ya, come here, come here.

He carries her behind a pillar.

NICK (CONT’D)
Okay, now just relax.

Nick digs a handkerchief from his pocket. A few BLUEBERRIES
fall out with it.

NICK (CONT’D)
Whoops... Blueberry?

HOPPS
Pass.

BELLWETHER (O.S.)
Come on out, Judy!

HOPPS
Take the case. Get it to Bogo.

NICK
I’m not gonna leave you behind.
That’s not happening.

HOPPS
I can’t walk.

NICK
Just, we’ll think of something.

Bellwether finally appears, flanked by the Rams.

BELLWETHER
We’re on the same team, Judy!
103.


WITH BELLWETHER & THUGS --

Bellwether talks as they look for Hopps and Nick...

BELLWETHER
Underestimated. Under-appreciated.
Aren’t you sick of it? Predators.
They may be strong and loud, but
prey out-number predators 10 to
one.

Bellwether sees a SHADOW-- RABBIT EARS. She gestures to the
RAMS-- there they are.

BELLWETHER (CONT’D)
Think of it-- 90 percent of the
population, united against a common
enemy. We’ll be unstoppable.

The Rams are about to pounce on Hopps and Nick... only to
find the shadow is coming from a MUMMIFIED JACKALOPE being
illuminated by a shop light.

BELLWETHER (CONT’D)
(to Goons)
Over there!

Hopps and Nick are making a run for it. They’re going to make
it to the ZPD! When suddenly...

BAM! A RAM tackles them both, knocking the case out of Nick’s
paws. Both of them fall into a sunken diorama. Bellwether,
with case in hand, looks over the edge.

BELLWETHER (CONT’D)
Well, you should have stayed on the
carrot farm, huh? It really is too
bad; I really did like you.

HOPPS
What are you going to do? Kill me?

BELLWETHER
No! Of course not... he is.

Bellwether takes the dart gun out of the case, aims at Nick
and... THWICK! She darts him.

HOPPS
No! Nick?!

Nick starts to shake and crouch. Bellwether dials her phone.
104.


BELLWETHER
Yes, police! There’s a savage fox
in the natural history museum.
Officer Hopps is down! Please
hurry!

Nick is starting to turn.

HOPPS
No. Nick, don’t do this. Fight it.

BELLWETHER
Oh, but he can’t help it, can he?
Since preds are just biologically
predisposed to be savages.

Nick stalks Hopps, who tries to limp away.

BELLWETHER (CONT’D)
Gosh, think of the headline: “Hero
Cop Killed By Savage Fox...”

HOPPS
So that’s it, prey fears predator,
and you stay in power?

BELLWETHER
Yeah, pretty much.

HOPPS
It won’t work.

BELLWETHER
Fear always works. And I’ll dart
every predator in Zootopia to keep
it that way.

HOPPS
(as Nick stalks her)
Oh, Nick! No!

BELLWETHER
Bye-Bye, Bunny.

Nick lunges. He attacks. Hopps screams. Bellwether smiles.

HOPPS
Blood, blood, blood! And death.

Bellwether looks confused. Nick stands up.
105.


NICK
All right, you’re milking it.
Besides, I think we got it, I think
we got it. We got it up there,
thank you yakkety-yak-- you laid it
all out beautifully.

BELLWETHER
What?

Bellwether looks at her gun, in disbelief.

NICK
Yea, oh, are you looking for the
serum?
(holds it up)
Well, it’s right here.

HOPPS
What you’ve got in the weapon there-
- those are blueberries. From my
family’s farm.

Livid, Bellwether sees a blueberry in the gun’s chamber.

NICK
They are delicious.
(licking fingers)
You should try some.

BELLWETHER
I framed Lionheart, I can frame you
too! It’s my word against yours!

HOPPS
Oooo, actually--

Hopps holds up the carrot pen.

BELLWETHER (ON CARROT PEN RECORDER)
And I’ll dart every predator in
Zootopia to keep it that way...

HOPPS
--It’s your word against yours.
It’s called a hustle, sweetheart.
Boom.

Bogo and a TEAM OF COPS burst onto the scene. Bellwether
looks to run but there’s nowhere to go. She’s nailed.

CUT TO:
106.
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Mystery","Animation"]

Summary In a tense night-time chase through the empty Natural History Museum, Nick and Hopps confront Mayor Bellwether and her ram cops. As they attempt to escape, Hopps is injured, and Bellwether uses a serum to turn Nick into a savage predator. However, Nick cleverly reveals the serum is just blueberries, and Hopps uses a recording to expose Bellwether's manipulative scheme, leading to her capture by Bogo and the police.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Pivotal plot point
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and pivotal to the plot, with strong character development and high stakes. The dialogue is engaging, and the themes are effectively conveyed.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of predators being targeted with a serum to make them go savage is intriguing and drives the conflict in the scene. The theme of prejudice and power play is well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot is dynamic, with a significant turning point in the story arc. The conflict between the characters reaches a climax, leading to a resolution that propels the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the buddy cop genre by incorporating themes of prejudice and corruption in a world of anthropomorphic animals. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Judy Hopps, Nick, and Mayor Bellwether, undergo significant development in this scene. Their motivations, conflicts, and growth are central to the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 9

Judy Hopps and Nick undergo significant changes in this scene, facing betrayal, danger, and ultimately standing up for what is right. Their growth and resilience are key to the scene's impact.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect her partner, Nick, and uncover the truth behind the predator serum. This reflects her deeper desire for justice and equality in a society plagued by fear and prejudice.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to stop Mayor Bellwether from using the serum to control the predator population and maintain her power. This reflects the immediate challenge of preventing further harm and exposing the corruption within the city.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Judy Hopps, Nick, and Mayor Bellwether is intense and multi-layered, with high stakes and emotional impact. It drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mayor Bellwether posing a significant threat to the protagonist and her goals. The audience is kept on edge as the characters face obstacles and challenges that test their resolve and ingenuity.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with characters' lives on the line, moral dilemmas, and the future of Zootopia at risk. The tension and suspense are palpable.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing crucial information, resolving conflicts, and setting up the next stage of the narrative. It is a turning point in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, such as the revelation of the blueberries in the dart gun and the protagonist's clever deception of the antagonist. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of power and fear. Mayor Bellwether's belief in using fear to control the population contrasts with Judy Hopps' belief in justice and equality for all animals. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, highlighting the ethical dilemma at play.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes fear, determination, betrayal, and hope in the characters and the audience. The emotional intensity adds depth to the character interactions and the overall narrative.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, emotional, and drives the tension and conflict in the scene. It reveals the characters' inner thoughts, motivations, and relationships effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome of the characters' struggle.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and character moments that maintain the tension and momentum of the story. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in building suspense and engaging the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character cues, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension as Nick and Hopps are pursued by Bellwether and her henchmen, creating a sense of urgency. However, the pacing could be improved by tightening the dialogue and action sequences to maintain momentum.
  • The dialogue between Hopps and Bellwether is engaging, but it could benefit from more subtext. Bellwether's motivations could be hinted at earlier in the scene to create a more layered confrontation, making her reveal feel more impactful.
  • Nick's transformation into a savage predator is a pivotal moment, but the transition could be more gradual. Adding internal conflict or hesitation in Nick's actions could heighten the emotional stakes and make his eventual return to reason more dramatic.
  • The use of humor, particularly Nick's quips, is a strong point in the scene, but it risks undermining the tension. Balancing the humor with the gravity of the situation will help maintain the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The climax of the scene, where Hopps reveals the carrot pen recorder, is clever, but it could be foreshadowed earlier in the scene. A subtle hint about the pen's importance could enhance the payoff when it is finally used against Bellwether.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more subtext and foreshadowing, particularly regarding Bellwether's motivations and the significance of the carrot pen.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by showing more of Nick's internal struggle as he begins to turn savage, perhaps through visual cues or brief flashbacks to his past.
  • Tighten the pacing by reducing any repetitive dialogue or actions, ensuring that each line serves to advance the plot or deepen character relationships.
  • Maintain a balance between humor and tension; consider placing Nick's jokes in moments where they can provide relief without detracting from the urgency of the situation.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a moment of hesitation or doubt for Nick before he lunges at Hopps, which could create a more dramatic and emotional climax.



Scene 40 - A New Dawn for Zootopia
INT. NEWS STUDIO - DAY

A PREDATOR-PREY news team reads the headlines. FOOTAGE shows
Bellwether being led to jail in cuffs and an orange jumpsuit.

PREDATOR ANCHOR (V.O.)
Former Mayor Dawn Bellwether is
behind bars today, guilty of
masterminding the savage attacks
that have plagued Zootopia of late.

PREY ANCHOR
Her predecessor, Leodore Lionheart,
denies any knowledge of her plot,
claiming he was just trying to
protect the city.

A FELINE REPORTER, KITTY COWLICK, interviews Lionheart.

LIONHEART
Did I falsely imprison those
animals? Well, yes. Yes I did. It
was a classic “doing the wrong
thing for the right reason” kind of
a deal.

BACK TO THE NEWS DESK --

PRED ANCHOR
In related news, doctors say the
night howler antidote is proving
effective in rehabilitating the
afflicted predators...


INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

Mr. Otterton, who wakes up into the arms of his wife.

MRS. OTTERTON
Emmitt? Oh... Emmitt...

She hugs him and he holds her tight. We pull back to reveal
Hopps in the room, watching their reunion.

MRS. OTTERTON (CONT’D)
(to Hopps)
Thank you.
107.


EXT. ZOOTOPIA CENTRAL PLAZA - DAY

Hopps walks through the CENTRAL PLAZA of ZOOTOPIA. She looks
around to see animals coming back together. She focuses on
two KIDS: one pred, one prey playing soccer.

HOPPS (V.O.)
When I was a kid, I thought
Zootopia was this perfect place
where everyone got along and anyone
could be anything...

Hopps kicks the soccer ball with the kids.

HOPPS (V.O.)
Turns out, real life’s a little bit
more complicated than a slogan on a
bumper sticker. Real life is messy.

AT THE ZPD: Hopps enters to find Clawhauser back at his desk,
unpacking. What’s more-- TWO COPS approach him with donuts.

HOPPS (V.O.)
We all have limitations. We all
make mistakes. Which means-- hey,
glass half full!-- we all have a
lot in common. And the more we try
to understand one another, the more
exceptional each of us will be. But
we have to try.
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary In a news studio, the downfall of former Mayor Dawn Bellwether is reported as she is jailed for her role in recent attacks, while Leodore Lionheart admits to his misguided actions. The scene shifts to a hospital where Mr. Otterton wakes up to his wife's embrace, expressing gratitude to Officer Hopps. As Hopps walks through Zootopia's Central Plaza, she observes the harmony among diverse animals and reflects on the importance of understanding one another. The scene concludes with Hopps entering the ZPD, where normalcy is restored with Clawhauser back at his desk and officers enjoying donuts.
Strengths
  • Positive message of unity and understanding
  • Character growth and empathy
  • Heartfelt dialogue and emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Lack of intense conflict or high stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively wraps up the major conflict, delivers a positive message, and sets the stage for a hopeful future.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of unity in diversity is well-executed, showing the characters coming together despite their differences to create a better society.

Plot: 8

The plot ties up loose ends and resolves the main conflict, focusing on the characters' growth and the positive outcomes of their actions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations such as the night howler antidote and the predator-prey relationships, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters show growth, empathy, and resilience, which adds depth to the scene and reinforces the theme of unity.

Character Changes: 7

The characters show growth, particularly in their ability to understand and forgive each other, leading to positive changes in their relationships and outlook.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reflect on the complexities of life and the importance of understanding and empathy.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to witness the positive effects of the night howler antidote and the unity of the animals in Zootopia.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict is resolved, leading to a more peaceful and harmonious resolution in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing challenges and conflicts that drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not as high in this scene, the emotional impact and resolution of the conflict make it significant in the overall narrative.

Story Forward: 7

The scene wraps up the major plot points, providing closure and setting the stage for a new beginning.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected character actions and resolutions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the idea of making mistakes and the importance of understanding and empathy in a diverse society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes empathy, hope, and positivity, leaving the audience with a sense of fulfillment and inspiration.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is heartfelt, reflective, and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and the central message effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it showcases the resolution of conflicts and the unity of the characters in Zootopia.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by smoothly transitioning between different locations and characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between different locations and characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the climax of the previous scene, where Bellwether is apprehended, to the aftermath of her actions. This provides a satisfying resolution to the conflict and allows the audience to see the consequences of her villainy.
  • The use of a news broadcast to convey important information about the state of Zootopia and the characters' fates is a clever narrative device. It allows for exposition without feeling forced, as it mimics real-world news reporting.
  • The emotional weight of Mr. Otterton's reunion with his wife is well-executed, providing a poignant moment that contrasts with the earlier chaos. This moment serves to humanize the stakes of the story and reinforces the theme of community and healing.
  • Hopps's voiceover adds depth to her character, reflecting on her childhood ideals versus the complexities of reality. This introspection is relatable and resonates with the audience, enhancing her character arc.
  • The visual imagery of the Central Plaza, with children of different species playing together, symbolizes the hope for unity and understanding in Zootopia. This is a strong visual metaphor that reinforces the film's themes of diversity and acceptance.
  • However, the pacing of the scene could be improved. The transition from the news studio to the hospital and then to the plaza feels a bit abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and maintain the emotional impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Hopps after the news report, perhaps showing her processing the implications of Bellwether's actions on her own beliefs about justice and community.
  • To improve pacing, you might include a transitional shot or a brief scene that connects the news report to the hospital scene, perhaps showing the public's reaction to the news or a montage of Zootopia recovering.
  • Enhance the emotional impact of Mr. Otterton's reunion by including a line of dialogue that highlights the relief and joy of the moment, perhaps reflecting on the fear they experienced during his absence.
  • Incorporate more visual elements that showcase the diversity of Zootopia in the Central Plaza, such as different species interacting in various ways, to further emphasize the theme of unity.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger visual or emotional hook, such as a close-up of Hopps's face as she watches the children play, reflecting her hope for the future and the lessons learned from her journey.



Scene 41 - A New Chapter: Badge and Banter
EXT. CADET TRAINING GROUNDS - DAY

Reveal: Hopps is giving a commencement address to the
GRADUATES of the Police Academy.

HOPPS
So, no matter what type of animal
you are, from the biggest elephant
to our first fox...

Reveal: Nick is a cadet. He removes his shades, winks at
Hopps.

HOPPS (CONT’D)
I implore you... try. Try to make
the world a better place.

On stage, Hopps readies to pin a BADGE on Nick. As she
approaches, they exchange a nod-- a small, sincere gesture.
She places the badge, then gives Nick an official salute.
108.


HOPPS (CONT’D)
Look inside yourself, and recognize
that change starts with you. It
starts with me. It starts with all
of us.

Caps are thrown in the air. The music fades out, leaving just
the APPLAUSE, which is interrupted by:

BOGO (PRE-LAP)
All right! All right...

CUT TO:


INT. ZPD BULLPEN - DAY

Hopps and Nick (now in uniform) sit together among ZPD’s
finest. Bogo stands at the podium.

BOGO
...Enough! Shut it! We have some
new recruits with us this morning,
including our first fox. Who cares.

NICK
Ha! You should have your own line
of inspirational greeting cards,
sir.

BOGO
Shut your mouth, Wilde.
Assignments! Officers Grizzoli,
Fangmeyer, Delgato: Tundratown
Swat. Snarlov, Higgins, Wolfard:
Undercover. Hopps, Wilde...
(beat of anticipation)
Parking duty. Dismissed.
(beat)
Just kidding! We have reports of a
street racer tearing up Savannah
Central. Find him, shut him down.


INT. / EXT. COP CAR (DRIVING SHOTS) - DAY

Hopps drives. Nick rides shotgun, eating a Pawpsickle.

NICK
So are all rabbits bad drivers or
is it just you?

She slams on the brakes. He lurches forward, accidentally
jamming the Pawpsickle into his face.
109.


HOPPS
Oops. Sorry.

NICK
(as he wipes off his face)
Sly bunny.

HOPPS
Dumb fox.

NICK
You know you love me.

HOPPS
Do I know that? Yes. Yes, I do.

They smile wide. They’re stopped at a red light, when
suddenly-- a TRICKED OUT RED SPORTS CAR blasts through the
light! They look at each other and smile even wider.

Hopps stomps on the gas. Nick hits the siren. The patrol car
takes off...
Genres: ["Action","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary In an uplifting scene, Hopps delivers an inspiring commencement address at the Police Academy, where she pins a badge on cadet Nick, marking a heartfelt moment. The atmosphere shifts to the ZPD bullpen, where Bogo humorously assigns missions, teasing Nick before sending him and Hopps to catch a street racer. As they embark on their patrol, playful banter ensues between the duo, leading to an exciting chase after a speeding sports car.
Strengths
  • Dynamic between characters
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Smooth transition between scenes
Weaknesses
  • Lack of intense conflict
  • Lower emotional impact compared to other scenes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, action, and character development, setting up the next phase of the story while maintaining an engaging and entertaining tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a graduation ceremony followed by an unexpected assignment adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters receive their assignment and embark on a new mission, setting up the next phase of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the buddy cop genre by featuring anthropomorphic animals as police officers, adding a unique twist to familiar situations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Hopps and Nick's banter and camaraderie shine in this scene, showcasing their evolving relationship and individual personalities.

Character Changes: 7

The scene sets the stage for potential character growth and challenges as Hopps and Nick embark on a new mission together.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to make the world a better place and inspire others to do the same. This reflects her deeper desire to create positive change and make a difference in society.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to stop a street racer tearing up the city. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces as a police officer and the need to maintain law and order.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a conflict in the form of the street racer assignment, it is more lighthearted and serves as a setup for future challenges.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the challenge of stopping the street racer adding conflict and uncertainty to the characters' mission.

High Stakes: 5

While the assignment to catch a street racer adds a sense of urgency, the stakes are not as high as in other critical moments of the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new assignment and setting up the next phase of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twist in assignments, the banter between characters, and the sudden appearance of the street racer.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's belief in making the world a better place and the challenges she faces in law enforcement, where not everyone may share the same values or motivations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of camaraderie and determination, but the emotional impact is not as intense as in other key moments of the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the characters' personalities and dynamics effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between the characters, the humor, and the setup for an action-packed sequence.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, introducing conflict, and transitioning between different locations and interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a buddy cop genre, with an introduction to the characters, a mission assignment, and a setup for the action to come.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the culmination of Judy Hopps's journey, showcasing her growth and the bond she shares with Nick Wilde. The commencement address serves as a powerful moment, emphasizing themes of unity and personal responsibility, which resonate well with the audience.
  • The dialogue is heartfelt and motivational, particularly Hopps's lines about change starting with oneself. However, it could benefit from a bit more specificity or personal anecdotes to make it even more relatable and impactful for the graduates.
  • The transition from the commencement ceremony to the ZPD bullpen is smooth, but the humor introduced by Bogo feels slightly abrupt. While it adds levity, it might be more effective if it were woven into the scene more organically, perhaps with a setup that builds anticipation for his punchline.
  • The playful banter between Hopps and Nick is delightful and showcases their chemistry. However, the exchange could be enhanced by incorporating more physical comedy or visual gags to complement the dialogue, especially since this is a visual medium.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the shift from the serious tone of the graduation to the lighthearted banter in the car could be more gradual. A brief moment of reflection from Hopps after the ceremony could help bridge this tonal shift.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a personal story or anecdote in Hopps's speech that reflects her journey and the challenges she faced, making her message more relatable and inspiring.
  • Integrate Bogo's humor more seamlessly into the scene by foreshadowing his character's comedic nature earlier in the scene, perhaps through a humorous interaction with another officer.
  • Enhance the physical comedy in the car scene by including more visual elements, such as Hopps's exaggerated reactions or Nick's playful antics, to complement their witty dialogue.
  • Introduce a moment of reflection for Hopps after her speech, allowing her to absorb the significance of the moment before transitioning to the lighter tone in the car.
  • Consider using background elements during the graduation scene, such as the reactions of the audience or fellow cadets, to add depth and context to the emotional weight of the moment.



Scene 42 - The Slow Chase
EXT. STREETS OF ZOOTOPIA - MOMENTS LATER

The fleeing sports car comes to a screeching halt. ANGLE ON
the license plate: FST NML. Hopps and Nick exit their car and
approach the driver.

HOPPS
Sir, you were going 115 miles per
hour. I hope you have a good
explanation.

But when they get to the driver’s window...

NICK
Flash? Flash? Hundred yard dash?!

Yep. It’s Flash the sloth.

FLASH
(several beats)
Nick.

CUT TO BLACK:

THE END
Genres: ["Animation","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary In a light-hearted scene on the streets of Zootopia, Officer Hopps and Nick pursue a speeding sports car, only to discover that the driver is Flash the sloth. Hopps confronts the driver about his speed, while Nick adds humor by playfully referencing Flash's name. The contrast between the urgency of the chase and Flash's famously slow demeanor creates a comedic twist, resolving the conflict in an unexpected and amusing way.
Strengths
  • Engaging action sequences
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Humorous dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Slight predictability in the resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, entertaining, and well-executed, with a good balance of humor, action, and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of anthropomorphic animals living in a city and working as police officers is creative and well-established, providing a unique backdrop for the story.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around a high-speed chase and the resolution of a conflict, moving the story forward and setting up future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to law enforcement by featuring anthropomorphic animals in a modern setting. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and original.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the action of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Both Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde experience growth and development in the scene, particularly in their teamwork and trust.

Internal Goal: 8

Judy Hopps' internal goal in this scene is to uphold the law and maintain order in Zootopia. This reflects her deeper need for justice and fairness.

External Goal: 7

Judy Hopps' external goal in this scene is to confront the speeding driver and enforce the law. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a reckless driver.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high-stakes, involving a dangerous chase and the resolution of a tense situation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge Judy's authority as a police officer, creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The high-speed chase and the resolution of the conflict involving a dangerous situation raise the stakes and tension in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by resolving a major conflict and setting up future events, leading to a sense of progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reveal of Flash the sloth as the speeding driver, adding a twist to the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's sense of duty and the humorous nature of the situation. It challenges Judy's beliefs in the seriousness of law enforcement.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits emotions of excitement, humor, and camaraderie, but does not delve deeply into emotional complexity.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and helps to establish the relationship between the characters, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and humorous interactions between the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a balance between action and dialogue, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, dialogue format, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a comedic action sequence, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively utilizes humor, particularly through the character of Flash the sloth, which provides a light-hearted conclusion to the screenplay. However, the punchline relies heavily on the audience's familiarity with Flash's character and his slow nature, which may not resonate with all viewers.
  • The dialogue is concise and captures the essence of the characters well, but it could benefit from a bit more interaction or banter between Hopps and Nick before they approach Flash. This would enhance their camaraderie and provide a stronger emotional payoff.
  • The abrupt cut to black feels somewhat jarring. While it can be an effective way to end a scene, in this case, it may leave the audience wanting more closure or a final humorous exchange. A more gradual fade-out or a brief moment of reflection could enhance the impact.
  • The visual description is minimal, which is appropriate for a quick scene, but adding a few more details about the environment or the reactions of Hopps and Nick as they approach the car could enrich the scene and provide a more immersive experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a few lines of playful banter between Hopps and Nick as they approach the car, perhaps referencing their previous adventures or teasing each other about their roles in the chase. This would deepen their relationship and provide a more satisfying lead-up to the reveal of Flash.
  • Instead of a hard cut to black, try a gradual fade-out that allows for a final humorous line or reaction from either Hopps or Nick after Flash's reveal. This could enhance the comedic timing and provide a more satisfying conclusion.
  • Include more visual details about the setting, such as the bustling streets of Zootopia or the reactions of bystanders, to create a more vivid picture of the scene and enhance the overall atmosphere.
  • If possible, consider incorporating a callback to an earlier moment in the screenplay involving Flash, which would create a sense of continuity and reward attentive viewers with a deeper connection to the character.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

judy hopps

Judy Hopps is a determined, resilient, and optimistic young rabbit who defies stereotypes to pursue her dream of becoming a police officer in Zootopia. She embodies a strong sense of justice, compassion, and empathy, often standing up for what she believes is right. Judy is resourceful, quick-witted, and hardworking, showcasing her growth through her actions and perseverance. Her speaking style is direct and confident, often infused with humor and motivational phrases that reflect her can-do attitude. She tends to use playful phrases like 'Carrots' for Nick and 'It's called a hustle, sweetheart' when outsmarting adversaries. Judy's character is marked by her small size but big heart, as well as her unwavering belief in fairness and equality. She navigates challenges with a blend of earnestness, enthusiasm, and occasional awkwardness, using her wit and sarcasm to deflect difficulties while maintaining a strong moral compass.



nick wilde

Nick Wilde is a charming, street-smart fox with a quick wit and a knack for negotiation. He possesses a laid-back demeanor that often masks his intelligence and cunning nature. Nick's speaking style is smooth, playful, and laced with dry humor, often employing sarcasm and clever wordplay to navigate tricky situations. His sly smile and clever remarks reveal a character who is resourceful and adaptable, using his charm to confront conflicts and challenge others' beliefs. Beneath his confident facade lies a vulnerable and conflicted individual, shaped by a troubled past. He often uses humor as a deflection mechanism to mask his insecurities, yet he shows moments of sincerity and loyalty, particularly in his interactions with Judy. Nick's character is defined by his wit, charm, and hidden depths, making him both relatable and complex.



hopps

Judy Hopps is a determined, resourceful, and compassionate bunny police officer with a strong sense of justice and an unwavering belief in equality. She is brave, quick-thinking, and idealistic, often facing challenges with optimism and resilience. Judy's speaking style is direct and assertive, laced with humor and wit to lighten tense situations. She frequently uses straightforward language to convey her emotions and employs unique phrases like 'Carrots' as a term of endearment for her partner, Nick, and 'ZPD, Officer Hopps' to assert her identity. Her character is marked by her empathy, willingness to confront biases, and a persistent drive to uncover the truth, making her a relatable and compelling protagonist.



nick

Nick Wilde is a sly, witty, and resourceful fox with a cynical outlook on life shaped by a troubled past. He possesses a charming demeanor and a quick wit, often using sarcasm and humor as a defense mechanism to mask his deeper insecurities and vulnerabilities. His speaking style is casual and clever, filled with playful banter and pop culture references, which he employs to deflect serious conversations and lighten tense situations. Despite his laid-back attitude, Nick demonstrates intelligence and street smarts, showcasing his ability to think on his feet and adapt to various challenges. As the story progresses, he reveals a more compassionate side, particularly in his interactions with Officer Hopps, highlighting his loyalty and capacity for growth. Unique phrases like 'Slick Nick' and 'Sly as a fox' reflect his self-awareness and cunning nature, while moments of vulnerability reveal the depth of his character.



officer hopps

Officer Hopps is a determined, resourceful, and optimistic rabbit who embodies a strong sense of justice. She is quick-witted and brave, often using humor to navigate tense situations. Her speaking style is direct and assertive, reflecting her confidence and commitment to her role as a police officer in a male-dominated environment. Officer Hopps is characterized by her persistence, intelligence, and empathy towards others, always willing to go the extra mile to solve cases and prove her capabilities. She frequently employs unique phrases like 'What do you think happened?' and 'This is a crime scene,' which add depth to her character and showcase her dedication to her work.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
judy hopps Judy's character arc follows her journey from an eager, idealistic rookie police officer to a seasoned and empathetic member of the Zootopia police force. Initially, she faces skepticism and prejudice due to her size and species, which fuels her determination to prove herself. Throughout the story, she encounters various challenges that test her ideals and force her to confront her biases, particularly in her relationship with Nick. As she learns to trust others and embrace teamwork, Judy grows more reflective and compassionate, ultimately realizing that justice is not just about enforcing the law but also about understanding and uniting the diverse community she serves. By the end of the feature, Judy emerges as a more confident and well-rounded officer, committed to justice and equality for all. While Judy's character arc is compelling, it could benefit from deeper exploration of her internal conflicts and the consequences of her actions. The screenplay presents her as a determined character, but it sometimes glosses over the emotional weight of her struggles. Additionally, her relationship with Nick, while central to her growth, could be developed further to highlight the complexities of trust and partnership. The pacing of her character development may also feel rushed in certain scenes, leading to a lack of emotional resonance. To improve Judy's character arc, consider incorporating more moments of vulnerability that allow her to reflect on her motivations and fears. This could involve scenes where she grapples with self-doubt or faces the repercussions of her decisions, providing a more nuanced portrayal of her journey. Additionally, enhancing the dynamic between Judy and Nick by showcasing their differing perspectives on justice and teamwork could add depth to their relationship. Allowing for more gradual development in Judy's confidence and understanding of her role within the police force would create a more satisfying and relatable arc. Finally, integrating subplots that challenge her ideals and force her to confront her biases could enrich her character growth and resonate more with the audience.
nick wilde Nick Wilde's character arc follows his transformation from a cynical, self-serving con artist to a loyal and trustworthy friend. Initially, he is depicted as a sly hustler who uses his charm and quick wit to navigate life in Zootopia, often relying on sarcasm and humor to deflect from his insecurities. As he partners with Judy Hopps, he begins to confront his troubled past and the prejudices he faces as a fox. Through their adventures, Nick learns the value of trust, friendship, and vulnerability. By the end of the feature, he embraces his true self, shedding his cynical exterior and committing to a path of honesty and integrity, ultimately becoming a hero in his own right. While Nick's character arc is compelling, it could benefit from deeper exploration of his internal struggles and motivations. The transition from a self-serving con artist to a loyal friend feels somewhat rushed and could be enhanced by more gradual character development. Additionally, the screenplay could delve further into the impact of his past experiences on his present behavior, providing a richer context for his cynicism and vulnerability. This would create a more nuanced portrayal of his character and make his transformation more impactful. To improve Nick's character arc, consider incorporating flashbacks or moments of reflection that reveal key events from his past, illustrating how they shaped his worldview and behavior. This could help audiences connect with his struggles on a deeper level. Additionally, introduce more challenges that test his loyalty and trust in Judy, allowing for a more gradual evolution of their relationship. By showcasing small victories and setbacks in his journey towards vulnerability, the screenplay can create a more satisfying and believable character arc that resonates with viewers.
hopps Throughout the screenplay, Judy Hopps evolves from an idealistic rookie cop eager to prove herself in a male-dominated environment to a seasoned officer who understands the complexities of justice and the importance of collaboration. Initially, she faces self-doubt and struggles with her biases, particularly towards predators like Nick. As the story progresses, Judy learns to embrace her vulnerabilities, confront her preconceived notions, and recognize the value of teamwork. By the end, she not only proves her worth as a police officer but also fosters a deeper understanding of unity and acceptance, ultimately becoming a more empathetic and effective leader. While Judy's character arc is compelling, it could benefit from deeper exploration of her internal conflicts and growth. The screenplay presents her as a determined and optimistic character, but it sometimes glosses over the nuances of her struggles with self-doubt and biases. Additionally, her relationship with Nick, while central to her development, could be further fleshed out to show how their partnership challenges and transforms her views on trust and collaboration. To improve Judy's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that highlight her internal struggles and moral dilemmas, allowing the audience to witness her growth in real-time. This could include moments of failure or setbacks that force her to reevaluate her beliefs and approach to justice. Additionally, enhancing her relationship with Nick by showcasing their differing perspectives and how they learn from each other could add depth to her character. Finally, introducing a mentor figure or a pivotal event that challenges her ideals could serve as a catalyst for her transformation, making her journey more impactful.
nick Nick's character arc begins with him as a cynical and guarded individual, reluctant to trust others due to his past experiences. Initially, he uses humor to deflect emotional connections and avoid facing his insecurities. However, as he partners with Officer Hopps, he gradually learns to confront his fears and vulnerabilities. Through their shared experiences and challenges, Nick evolves from a self-serving character to one who embraces loyalty, bravery, and empathy. By the climax of the story, he stands up for justice alongside Hopps, showcasing his growth and willingness to support those he cares about. Ultimately, Nick's journey is one of redemption, as he learns to forgive himself and others, finding a sense of belonging and purpose. While Nick's character arc is compelling, it could benefit from more nuanced development throughout the screenplay. His transformation from a cynical fox to a loyal partner is evident, but the emotional beats that lead to this change could be more fleshed out. The reliance on humor as a defense mechanism is a strong trait, but it risks overshadowing his vulnerability if not balanced effectively. Additionally, the relationship dynamics with Hopps could be explored in greater depth to enhance the emotional stakes of his character growth. To improve Nick's character arc, consider incorporating more pivotal moments that challenge his worldview and force him to confront his past traumas. This could include flashbacks or interactions with characters from his past that evoke deeper emotions. Additionally, allow for moments where Nick's humor fails him, leading to genuine emotional exchanges with Hopps that reveal his vulnerabilities. Strengthening the bond between Nick and Hopps through shared experiences and mutual support will also enhance the impact of his transformation. Finally, ensure that Nick's growth is reflected in his humor; as he becomes more secure, his jokes could evolve from defensive sarcasm to more self-aware and inclusive humor, showcasing his journey towards healing.
officer hopps Throughout the screenplay, Officer Hopps begins as an eager and somewhat naive rookie, determined to prove herself in the Zootopia police force. As she faces various challenges and obstacles, including skepticism from her peers and the complexities of the cases she investigates, she learns to balance her idealism with the realities of her job. By the climax, she confronts her own biases and the systemic issues within the police force, ultimately growing into a more nuanced and effective officer. By the end of the feature, she not only solves the case but also earns the respect of her colleagues, solidifying her place in the force and her commitment to justice. While Officer Hopps has a strong foundation as a character, her arc could benefit from deeper exploration of her internal conflicts and growth. The screenplay could further emphasize her struggles with self-doubt and the pressure to conform to expectations, which would make her eventual triumph more impactful. Additionally, her relationships with other characters could be developed more fully to highlight her evolution and the lessons she learns along the way. To improve Officer Hopps' character arc, consider incorporating more moments of vulnerability where she questions her abilities and the effectiveness of her methods. This could involve setbacks in her investigations that challenge her optimism and force her to reevaluate her approach. Additionally, enhancing her interactions with other characters, particularly those who represent different perspectives within the police force, could provide opportunities for meaningful dialogue and growth. Finally, showcasing her gradual acceptance of collaboration and teamwork would reinforce her development from a solitary, determined officer to a respected member of a diverse team.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
High Stakes and Emotional ImpactScenes with high stakes tend to have a stronger emotional impact. This is especially noticeable in scenes 14, 24, 25, 37, 38, and 39, where the high stakes of the situation create a heightened emotional response.
Humor as a Tool for Tension ReleaseHumor is frequently used as a way to release tension and break up moments of heightened emotion. This is particularly evident in scenes where the tone includes 'Humorous' and 'Suspenseful' or 'Tense'. This suggests the author is using humor strategically to control the emotional pacing of the story.
Character Changes Driven by ConflictScenes with high conflict ratings often feature significant character changes. This pattern highlights the impact of conflict on character development. Look at scenes 1, 2, 3, 10, 16, 20, 22, 29, 30, 32, 36, 39, and 40.
Dialogue and Emotional ImpactScenes with high dialogue scores are more likely to have a strong emotional impact. This suggests that the author is using dialogue effectively to convey emotions. While there is a tendency, there are exceptions to this, such as scene 11, suggesting other elements contribute to emotional impact.
Humorous Tone and Lower Emotional ImpactScenes with a 'Humorous' tone often have a lower emotional impact score. This suggests that the author might be using humor to lighten the mood and avoid overly emotional scenes. However, there are exceptions to this. Notice how the 'Humorous' tone does not always negate emotional impact, like in scene 14.
Strong Plot Drives High Overall GradeScenes with a strong plot score tend to receive higher overall grades. This indicates that the author is effectively using plot to engage the audience. There is a clear tendency for this to be true but some scenes like 26, 33, and 34 indicate plot isn't the only factor for a high grade.


Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The screenplay demonstrates a strong foundation in creating engaging narratives, dynamic characters, and compelling dialogue. The writer effectively blends humor, action, and suspense to create a unique and entertaining story world. The analyses consistently highlight the writer's ability to craft memorable scenes and showcase a natural talent for storytelling. However, there's room for further development in specific areas like character depth, thematic exploration, and pacing.

Key Improvement Areas

Character Development
While the writer excels at creating engaging characters, several analyses suggest a need for greater depth and exploration of character motivations, inner conflicts, and emotional arcs. This can be seen in suggestions to study character development in successful screenplays like 'Little Miss Sunshine' and 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' or to create in-depth character profiles.
Dialogue
The writer exhibits a talent for crafting witty and engaging dialogue, but further exploration of subtext, emotional depth, and nuanced character interactions would elevate the scenes to an even higher level of impact. Suggestions include practicing writing dialogue-driven scenes with conflicting viewpoints, exploring different writing styles like Aaron Sorkin's, and studying dialogue techniques from acclaimed writers like Shane Black and Diablo Cody.
Pacing and Structure
The analyses reveal a need for improvement in pacing and structure, with suggestions to read 'Save the Cat!' by Blake Snyder for insights on scene structuring and narrative arc development. The writer could benefit from exploring how established screenwriters manage pacing and plot twists, as seen in suggestions to study screenplays like 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang' and 'Lethal Weapon'.
Thematic Exploration
The screenplay often touches on important themes, but further exploration and development of those themes would add greater depth and resonance to the narrative. Suggestions include studying screenplays with strong thematic messages like 'The Shape of Water' or 'The Social Network', and focusing on exercises that explore complex themes and character motivations through dialogue.

Suggestions

Type Suggestion Rationale
Book 'Save the Cat!' by Blake Snyder This book provides a comprehensive framework for structuring and developing compelling screenplays, offering practical tips on story beats, character arcs, and pacing. It addresses key areas for improvement identified in the analyses, particularly pacing, structure, and character development.
Screenplays Read screenplays with strong character development and emotional depth, such as 'Little Miss Sunshine', 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind', 'The Shape of Water', and 'The Social Network' These screenplays offer excellent examples of complex character arcs, emotional depth, and thematic exploration, addressing several key improvement areas identified in the analyses. Studying these scripts can provide invaluable insights into crafting compelling characters and narratives that resonate with audiences.
Video Watch interviews or masterclasses with experienced screenwriters, particularly those known for their dialogue, like Aaron Sorkin, Shane Black, and Diablo Cody. These videos offer insights into the creative process, writing techniques, and approaches to crafting compelling dialogue and characters. Learning from successful screenwriters can provide valuable inspiration and tips for improving the writer's own craft, addressing areas like dialogue, character development, and thematic exploration.
Exercise Practice writing dialogue-heavy scenes with conflicting viewpoints and moral dilemmas.Practice In SceneProv This exercise will challenge the writer to develop complex character interactions, explore emotional depth, and reveal character motivations in a nuanced way. It addresses the key improvement areas of dialogue, character development, and thematic exploration.
Exercise Create in-depth character profiles for each character in your screenplay, outlining their motivations, backstory, relationships, and internal conflicts.Practice In SceneProv This exercise will deepen the writer's understanding of their characters, adding complexity and emotional depth to their interactions and motivations. It addresses the key improvement area of character development and strengthens the overall narrative.
Exercise Practice writing scenes with a strict word count limit, focusing on efficient storytelling and impactful dialogue.Practice In SceneProv This exercise helps refine pacing, structure, and dialogue effectiveness, addressing the key improvement areas of pacing and dialogue. By forcing the writer to condense their ideas, they'll learn to prioritize information and create more engaging and impactful scenes.
Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation
Zootopia The screenplay summary is a direct description of the film 'Zootopia,' which follows Judy Hopps, a bunny police officer, as she navigates challenges in a diverse animal metropolis. The themes of pursuing dreams against societal expectations and overcoming prejudice are central to both the screenplay and the film.
Ratatouille Both stories feature protagonists who face skepticism due to their backgrounds—Judy as a bunny cop and Remy as a rat chef. They both strive to prove their worth in environments that traditionally reject them, showcasing themes of determination, identity, and the pursuit of dreams.
Kung Fu Panda Similar to Judy Hopps, Po the panda faces doubts about his abilities due to his size and background. Both characters undergo rigorous training and face numerous challenges to prove themselves, ultimately achieving their dreams against the odds.
The Pursuit of Happyness This film follows Chris Gardner's struggle to achieve his dreams while facing numerous obstacles and societal prejudices. Like Judy, Chris's journey is marked by determination, resilience, and the desire to prove himself despite the challenges he faces.
Legally Blonde Elle Woods, like Judy Hopps, defies stereotypes and societal expectations to pursue her dreams. Both characters face skepticism from those around them but ultimately prove their capabilities through hard work and determination.
Moana Moana's journey to become a wayfinder and save her island mirrors Judy's quest to become a police officer. Both characters are driven by a strong sense of purpose and face challenges that test their resolve and identity.
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse Miles Morales, like Judy, grapples with self-doubt and the pressure of living up to expectations. Both characters undergo significant growth as they embrace their identities and learn to harness their unique abilities to make a difference.
Finding Nemo Both stories involve characters embarking on a journey to prove themselves and find their place in the world. Marlin's overprotectiveness of Nemo parallels Judy's parents' concerns for her safety, highlighting themes of parental support and personal growth.
The Incredibles The Incredibles features a family of superheroes navigating societal expectations and personal aspirations. Similar to Judy's journey, the characters face challenges related to their identities and strive to prove their worth in a world that often underestimates them.
Brave Merida's struggle against traditional expectations and her journey toward self-discovery resonate with Judy's experiences. Both characters challenge societal norms and fight for their right to pursue their dreams.
Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
Overcoming PrejudiceJudy Hopps, a bunny, faces prejudice from both her own family and other animals in Zootopia, who believe that bunnies are incapable of being police officers. She overcomes these prejudices through hard work, determination, and by proving her worth as a capable and dedicated officer.This theme explores the challenges of overcoming societal prejudices and stereotypes based on species and appearance. It highlights the importance of judging individuals based on their abilities and character rather than preconceived notions.
Strengthening Overcoming Prejudice:
Suggestion Type How to Strengthen the Theme
Character Arc Deepen Judy's initial prejudice against predators by having her express doubts about working with Nick Wilde, particularly when he's first introduced. This could be through internal monologue, conversations with other bunnies, or even a brief flashback to a childhood experience where she was warned about predators.
Dialogue - Scene 6 When Judy confronts Clawhauser about being called 'cute,' have him apologize and explain that his comment was based on a stereotype. This emphasizes the unconscious bias that even well-meaning individuals can hold.
Story Arc Introduce a subplot where a group of animals (predators and prey alike) who have been victims of prejudice come together to advocate for understanding and tolerance. This could be a community group, a support network, or even a protest movement. Their actions and perspectives can offer additional insight into the themes of the story.
Action - Scene 23 Have Judy's reaction to Mr. Big's statement about primal instincts be more than just shock. Let her express her own beliefs about predators and prey, revealing her personal struggle with preconceived notions. This can create a more nuanced exploration of her own prejudice.
Visual Throughout the film, use visual metaphors to represent prejudice and overcoming it. For instance, during Judy's initial training, you could have her struggle through obstacles that symbolize the barriers of prejudice (e.g., walls representing segregation, locked doors representing limitations). Then, as she progresses, these obstacles could be broken down or overcome, signifying her growth and acceptance.
Finding Your Place in the WorldJudy Hopps moves to Zootopia to pursue her dream of becoming a police officer, leaving behind her familiar and comfortable life in Bunnyburrow. She faces numerous challenges in this new environment, from navigating a diverse and complex city to confronting her own insecurities and doubts. Through her journey, she discovers her own strengths and finds her place in Zootopia.This theme explores the universal experience of searching for one's identity and purpose in a larger world. It highlights the challenges and rewards of embracing change and pursuing one's dreams, even when faced with obstacles and uncertainties.
The Importance of Friendship and CollaborationJudy Hopps initially struggles to fit in with her fellow officers at the ZPD, but she eventually forms a strong bond with Nick Wilde, a cunning fox. Despite their differences, they work together to solve the mystery of the missing mammals, highlighting the importance of teamwork and collaboration in overcoming challenges.This theme emphasizes the power of friendship and collaboration in overcoming adversity. It shows how different individuals can work together, despite their differences, to achieve common goals and overcome obstacles.
The Power of DeterminationJudy Hopps is determined to become a police officer, despite facing significant challenges and setbacks. Her relentless pursuit of her dream inspires others and demonstrates the power of perseverance in achieving one's goals.This theme highlights the importance of determination and resilience in achieving one's goals. It shows that even when faced with adversity, a strong sense of purpose and dedication can lead to success.
The Dangers of Prejudice and DiscriminationThe film explores the dangers of prejudice and discrimination, as shown in the way that predators are treated differently than prey animals in Zootopia. The revelation that a seemingly progressive city is secretly harboring prejudice against predators highlights the insidious nature of discrimination and its potential to lead to violence and conflict.This theme explores the dangers of prejudice and discrimination, emphasizing how it can lead to negative consequences for individuals and society as a whole. It raises awareness of the need for understanding, empathy, and a commitment to creating a more just and equitable world.



Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's voice is characterized by a playful and witty tone, often blending humor and heartwarming moments with subtle social commentary. The dialogue is fast-paced and engaging, infused with clever wordplay and quirky humor. The narrative combines a lighthearted approach with deeper themes of prejudice, acceptance, and the importance of unity. The author's unique style is evident in the vibrant descriptions and engaging character interactions.
Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a charming and entertaining world while addressing serious issues. The humor and wit make the story accessible and engaging, while the underlying social commentary adds depth and relevance. This balance helps the film resonate with audiences of all ages, inspiring them to think critically about prejudice and celebrate the power of unity.
Best Representation Scene 4 - A Bittersweet Departure
Best Scene Explanation This scene encapsulates the writer's unique voice by combining lighthearted humor with heartfelt emotion. The playful banter between Judy and her parents about fox repellent is both charming and endearing, highlighting the family's warmth and concern. The scene also uses humor to address the underlying theme of prejudice, with Stu's exaggerated fears of predators highlighting the societal anxieties that Judy must confront in Zootopia. The emotional farewell between Judy and her parents provides a powerful moment of transition, showcasing the mix of excitement and apprehension that accompanies Judy's journey to a new chapter in life.
Originality
  • Overall originality score: 9
  • Overall originality explanation: The screenplay presents a highly original narrative by utilizing anthropomorphic animals to explore complex themes such as prejudice, identity, and societal issues. The unique setting of Zootopia, combined with the fresh take on familiar tropes like the buddy cop dynamic and the underdog protagonist, contributes to its originality. The characters' authentic interactions and the imaginative world-building further enhance the screenplay's distinctiveness.
  • Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the use of anthropomorphic animals in roles that challenge societal stereotypes, such as a bunny becoming a police officer and the exploration of serious themes like discrimination through humor and relatable character dynamics. Additionally, the concept of 'night howlers' being toxic flowers that affect predators adds a creative twist to the narrative.
  • Overall unpredictability score: 8
  • Overall unpredictability explanation: The screenplay maintains a high level of unpredictability through its engaging plot twists and character developments. The revelation of the true nature of the night howlers and the unexpected betrayal by Bellwether keep the audience guessing. The dynamic between Judy and Nick evolves in surprising ways, and the exploration of societal tensions adds layers of complexity that defy typical narrative expectations.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsJudy Hopps' internal goals evolve from seeking validation and acceptance as a capable police officer in a prejudiced society to ultimately embracing her role as a champion for equality and justice, while also navigating her own biases and fears.
External Goals Judy's external goals shift from completing police training and proving her worth to navigating the complexities of her first police assignment, capturing criminals, and ultimately uncovering the truth behind conspiracies that threaten Zootopia’s harmony.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict in the screenplay revolves around prejudices based on species and the fight for equality, as Judy must confront both societal stereotypes and her own ingrained biases to fulfill her dream of making a difference in a divided society.


Character Development Contribution: The goals and conflicts drive Judy's character development from an idealistic rookie to a seasoned officer who learns the importance of empathy, understanding, and the fight against systemic injustice, ultimately embracing her role as a voice for change.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The evolution of Judy’s internal and external goals propels the narrative structure by intertwining her personal journey with action-driven external conflicts, creating a dynamic plot that reflects her growth through challenges that mirror societal issues.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The goals and conflicts contribute to the thematic depth by exploring themes of identity, prejudice, and the potential for change in society, emphasizing that true justice and equality come from understanding and accepting differences.


Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: Zootopia is a vibrant, bustling metropolis populated by anthropomorphic animals of all shapes and sizes. The city is divided into distinct districts, each reflecting a particular ecosystem and catering to the specific needs of its inhabitants. There are sprawling urban landscapes, towering skyscrapers, cozy suburban neighborhoods, and even areas modeled after natural habitats like tundras, deserts, and rainforests. The city's design is a marvel of engineering, accommodating diverse species with varying sizes, abilities, and physical characteristics, from tiny rodents to massive elephants. This meticulous attention to detail creates a world that is both visually stunning and incredibly immersive.
  • Culture: Zootopia's culture is a fascinating blend of animalistic instincts and human societal norms. Despite being a city where predators and prey coexist, there's a strong emphasis on tolerance, inclusivity, and the ideal that anyone can achieve their dreams. However, underlying prejudices and stereotypes still exist, reflecting the challenges of navigating a diverse society. The city embraces its unique animal features, incorporating them into everyday life, from fashion choices and transportation methods to cultural events and traditions. This diverse cultural tapestry is showcased in the various districts, each possessing its distinct identity and customs, contributing to a rich and dynamic world.
  • Society: Zootopia's societal structure mirrors that of a modern human city, with a complex hierarchy based on species, occupation, and power dynamics. The city operates with law enforcement, government agencies, educational institutions, businesses, and various other societal structures. Despite the city's progressive vision, there are persistent social inequalities and divisions stemming from the historical predator-prey conflict, leading to mistrust and fear. The characters grapple with the challenges of navigating this complex society, striving to overcome prejudice and promote understanding.
  • Technology: Technology in Zootopia is advanced, seamlessly integrating into everyday life and reflecting a futuristic, modern society. This includes sophisticated communication devices like smartphones, computers, and advanced security systems. The city's infrastructure is designed with accessibility in mind, incorporating innovative transportation systems, vehicles tailored for different species, and even specialized tools and equipment. This advanced technology showcases the ingenuity and resourcefulness of Zootopia's inhabitants, but also highlights the potential for misuse and the need for responsible development.
  • Characters influence: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology of Zootopia profoundly impact the characters' experiences and actions. Judy Hopps' determination to become a police officer, despite facing skepticism and prejudice due to her species, is a testament to her resilience and desire to defy societal expectations. Nick Wilde's cynical outlook is shaped by his past experiences with prejudice and his struggle to survive in a world where his species is often stereotyped. The city's diverse population, sophisticated technology, and ingrained social structures create a complex backdrop for their adventures, forcing them to confront their biases and adapt to constantly evolving challenges.
  • Narrative contribution: The world-building elements are integral to the narrative of Zootopia, driving the plot and shaping the characters' journeys. The city's diverse ecosystem provides a rich backdrop for the story, introducing new challenges and opportunities for both Judy and Nick as they navigate its various districts. The societal tensions and prejudice between predators and prey create the central conflict, driving the narrative and propelling the characters' investigation. The presence of advanced technology, including communication systems and transportation, allows for fast-paced action sequences and reveals the potential for both progress and danger. The intricate world of Zootopia provides a captivating setting for a compelling story.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The world of Zootopia explores powerful themes of prejudice, tolerance, and the importance of understanding and acceptance. The city's diverse population and the characters' experiences with discrimination showcase the consequences of prejudice and the need for empathy. The narrative challenges viewers to confront their own biases and consider the perspectives of others. The optimistic message of unity and the power of individual action in overcoming adversity adds depth to the story, emphasizing the importance of working together to create a more equitable and just society. The film's exploration of these themes makes it a thought-provoking and impactful experience for audiences of all ages.
Story Engine Analysis

central conflict

The central conflict revolves around Judy Hopps's struggle to prove herself as a capable police officer in a city that underestimates her due to her species, while also addressing the rising tensions between predators and prey in Zootopia.

primary motivations

  • Judy Hopps is motivated by her dream of becoming a police officer and making a difference in Zootopia.
  • Nick Wilde seeks to overcome his past and find acceptance while also looking out for his own interests.
  • The citizens of Zootopia desire safety and harmony amidst growing fears and prejudices.

catalysts

  • Judy's graduation from the Police Academy and her assignment to Precinct One.
  • The discovery of missing mammals and the subsequent investigation that Judy and Nick undertake.
  • The revelation of the night howlers and their impact on predator behavior.

barriers

  • Chief Bogo's dismissal of Judy's aspirations and her assignment to parking duty.
  • Societal prejudices against predators and the fear they instill in prey.
  • Judy's own self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy after facing setbacks.

themes

  • The importance of perseverance and believing in oneself.
  • Challenging stereotypes and overcoming societal prejudices.
  • The complexity of identity and the struggle for acceptance.

stakes

The stakes include Judy's career as a police officer, the safety of Zootopia's citizens, and the potential for increased division and violence between predators and prey if the truth about the night howlers is not uncovered.

uniqueness factor

The story uniquely combines elements of a buddy cop narrative with social commentary on prejudice and identity, using anthropomorphic animals to explore complex themes.

audience hook

The dynamic relationship between Judy and Nick, filled with humor, tension, and growth, keeps the audience engaged as they navigate their challenges together.

paradoxical engine or bisociation

The paradoxical engine lies in Judy's dual identity as a small bunny in a position of authority, challenging the expectations of her species while also confronting the biases of others.

paradoxical engine or bisociation 2

Another bisociation could be the juxtaposition of the vibrant, diverse world of Zootopia against the underlying tensions and fears that threaten its harmony, highlighting the contrast between appearance and reality.


Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Zootopia' is a well-crafted, character-driven story that explores themes of prejudice, perseverance, and the power of understanding. The narrative follows Judy Hopps, a determined rabbit police officer, as she navigates a complex mystery involving predator animals going 'savage.' Through her unlikely partnership with a streetwise fox named Nick Wilde, Judy uncovers a sinister plot orchestrated by the Assistant Mayor, Dawn Bellwether. The screenplay skillfully balances action, humor, and heartfelt character development, creating a compelling and entertaining story that resonates with audiences of all ages.

Strengths
  • The opening sequence effectively establishes the main character, Judy Hopps, and her lifelong dream of becoming a police officer, despite the doubts and discouragement of her family. This sets up a strong character arc and provides a clear, relatable motivation for the protagonist. high ( Scene 1   )
  • The scene where Judy blackmails Nick using his tax evasion as leverage is a clever and well-executed example of the 'hustler gets hustled' trope. It showcases Judy's resourcefulness and intelligence, while also providing an opportunity for character development as Nick begins to see her in a new light. high ( Scene 16 (EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - LATER)   )
  • The wedding reception sequence provides valuable exposition and backstory regarding the missing otter case, while also allowing for the development of the relationship between Judy, Nick, and Mr. Big. The integration of this information within a visually engaging and thematically relevant setting is a strength of the screenplay. medium ( Scene 23 (INT. WEDDING RECEPTION - A LITTLE LATER)   )
  • The news montage sequence effectively conveys the growing social unrest and prejudice against predators in Zootopia, creating a sense of urgency and heightening the stakes for the protagonists. The use of multiple news anchors and perspectives adds depth and nuance to the presentation of this narrative thread. high ( Scene 31 (INT. NEWS STUDIO - DAY)   )
  • The commencement address scene at the end of the screenplay serves as a powerful and emotional culmination of Judy's character arc, highlighting her growth and the positive impact she has had on the community. The inclusion of Nick as a new police cadet is a satisfying and thematically relevant narrative resolution. high ( Scene 41 (EXT. CADET TRAINING GROUNDS - DAY)   )
Areas of Improvement
  • The scene where Judy is reprimanded by Chief Bogo could be strengthened by adding more nuance to their interaction. While Bogo's dismissive attitude towards Judy is understandable, allowing for a more balanced exchange or a gradual softening of his stance could make the resolution of this conflict feel more earned. medium ( Scene 14 (INT. ZPD - BOGO'S OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER)   )
  • The sequence where Judy and Nick encounter the savage Manchas could be expanded to further develop the sense of danger and tension. Additional details or action beats could heighten the visceral nature of the encounter and make the threat feel more immediate and pressing. medium ( Scene 24 (EXT. THE CANOPY - MOMENTS LATER)   )
  • The scene where Judy resigns from the police force could be enhanced by delving deeper into her emotional state and internal conflict. Expanding on her thought process and the weight of her decision could make this pivotal moment more impactful and meaningful for the audience. medium ( Scene 33 (INT. BELLWETHER'S OFFICE - DAY)   )
MissingElements
  • While the wedding reception sequence provides valuable exposition, there is an opportunity to further develop the interpersonal dynamics between Judy, Nick, and Mr. Big. Exploring their interactions and relationship on a deeper level could add more emotional resonance to this segment of the story. medium ( Scene 23 (INT. WEDDING RECEPTION - A LITTLE LATER)   )
  • The news montage sequence could be strengthened by incorporating more diverse perspectives and voices from the Zootopia community. Exploring the impact of the predator-prey tensions from the viewpoint of different animal groups could add nuance and complexity to the presentation of this narrative thread. medium ( Scene 31 (INT. NEWS STUDIO - DAY)   )
NotablePoints
  • The scene where Nick shares his personal backstory about being muzzled as a child is a powerful and emotionally resonant moment that provides valuable insight into his character and motivations. This reveals a level of vulnerability and depth that adds complexity to his relationship with Judy. high ( Scene 26 (INT./EXT. GONDOLA - CONTINUOUS)   )
  • The final news montage sequence effectively brings the narrative full circle, showcasing the progress made in repairing the predator-prey divide in Zootopia. The uplifting tone and thematic resolution provide a satisfying conclusion to the overall story. high ( Scene 40 (INT. NEWS STUDIO - DAY)   )
  • The screenplay's ability to balance lighthearted humor and compelling character-driven storytelling with more serious thematic elements is a notable strength. The integration of themes like prejudice, bias, and the power of understanding creates a multi-layered narrative that resonates on both an emotional and intellectual level. high
Blind Spots
  • Character Development While the screenplay does an excellent job of developing the main characters of Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde, there are opportunities to further explore the supporting characters and their motivations. For example, the relationship between Judy and her parents, or the backstories of characters like Chief Bogo and Assistant Mayor Bellwether, could be expanded upon to add depth and nuance to the overall narrative. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Exposition Dump In a few instances, the screenplay relies on exposition dumps to convey information, such as the lengthy dialogue in the scene where Judy and Nick meet with Yax and Nangi at the Mystic Spring Oasis. While the information provided is necessary for the plot, there may be opportunities to integrate it more organically through the characters' interactions and actions. low

Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

Zootopia is an exceptional screenplay that expertly blends animation, comedy, and social commentary into a compelling narrative. The story is well-paced, boasts engaging characters with strong arcs, and delivers a satisfying resolution. The themes of prejudice and discrimination, though cleverly veiled in animal allegory, resonate with audiences of all ages. While the film's central message is heartwarming and hopeful, its exploration of complex social issues adds depth and intrigue, making Zootopia a rare gem in the animated genre.

Strengths
  • Zootopia effectively establishes its world-building and theme of inclusivity early on through witty dialogue and vibrant animation, particularly during the Carrot Days Festival and Police Academy scenes. The screenplay also seamlessly integrates humor and action, crafting memorable sequences like the popsicle hustle and the climax at the Cliffslide Asylum. The story's thematic depth is further enhanced by the dynamic relationship between Judy and Nick, which evolves from prejudice and mistrust to acceptance and genuine friendship. high ( Scene 1   Scene 3   Scene 10   Scene 21   Scene 29   )
  • The screenplay showcases strong character development, particularly with Judy's journey from an optimistic but naive bunny cop to a resourceful and determined investigator. Judy's initial struggles with self-doubt and prejudice are realistically portrayed, making her growth and ultimate success all the more satisfying. Nick's arc is equally compelling as he shifts from a cynical con artist to a reluctant hero, driven by his evolving friendship with Judy. high ( Scene 2   Scene 8   Scene 12   Scene 19   )
  • The screenplay masterfully balances humor and suspense, seamlessly transitioning between lighthearted moments and intense action sequences. The pacing is consistently engaging, never feeling rushed or dragging, keeping the audience invested in the characters' journey. The dynamic between Judy and Nick, with their contrasting personalities and evolving friendship, provides a constant source of entertainment and heart. high ( Scene 16   Scene 22   Scene 26   Scene 35   )
  • The screenplay effectively incorporates visual storytelling techniques to enhance the narrative, using dynamic animation, creative camera angles, and clever transitions to heighten the emotional impact of key scenes. The use of flashbacks, particularly in the gondola scene, provides valuable insight into Nick's backstory and motivates his character arc. The screenplay's visual language complements the dialogue, creating a rich and immersive experience for the audience. high ( Scene 27   Scene 28   Scene 32   Scene 36   Scene 39   )
  • The screenplay's ending is both satisfying and impactful, effectively resolving the main conflict while leaving a lasting message about acceptance and understanding. The final scene, with Judy and Nick working together as partners, reinforces the film's theme of inclusivity and its optimistic outlook on the future of Zootopia. high ( Scene 33   Scene 37   Scene 40   Scene 42   )
Areas of Improvement
  • While the screenplay's pacing is generally excellent, the climax at the Cliffslide Asylum could be tightened. The scene involving the asylum doctor and Mayor Lionheart feels slightly drawn out and could benefit from a more concise delivery. Similarly, the chase scene in the Natural History Museum, while visually dynamic, could be streamlined to maintain momentum and avoid any potential pacing issues. medium ( Scene 29   Scene 39   )
  • The screenplay could benefit from slightly more exploration of the social and political ramifications of Judy's revelation about the night howlers. While the film effectively portrays the initial shock and fear, it could further delve into the consequences for predators and the potential for long-term social unrest. This could add depth and complexity to the narrative, allowing for a more nuanced examination of the themes of prejudice and discrimination. medium ( Scene 30   Scene 31   )
  • The screenplay could offer a slightly more satisfying conclusion to Judy's arc. While she ultimately chooses to stay in Zootopia, the screenplay could provide a stronger sense of closure by showcasing her renewed confidence and dedication to her chosen career. This could be achieved through a scene highlighting her success in a challenging case or her acceptance by her colleagues. low ( Scene 33   Scene 34   )
MissingElements
  • The screenplay could benefit from a slightly more detailed exploration of the Night Howler's origins and creation. While the film reveals that they are toxic flowers, it could provide additional information about their purpose and how they were weaponized. This would add a layer of intrigue to the story and provide more context for the villain's motivations. low ( Scene 15   )
NotablePoints
  • The screenplay uses humor and visual gags to subtly highlight the challenges of prejudice and discrimination, particularly in scenes like the Police Academy training montage and Judy's interaction with Nick in the early stages of their partnership. These moments effectively illustrate how stereotypes and preconceived notions can impede understanding and create unnecessary barriers. high ( Scene 2   Scene 16   )
  • The screenplay showcases a strong sense of visual dynamism, using creative camera angles and animated sequences to enhance the storytelling. The climactic chase scene in the train, with its use of tight close-ups and fast-paced action, provides an exciting and engaging experience for the audience. high ( Scene 35   Scene 38   )
  • The screenplay's final scene, with Judy and Nick working together as partners, emphasizes the film's message of inclusivity and hope. The scene effectively highlights the power of empathy and understanding in breaking down barriers and building a more just and equitable society. high ( Scene 41   )
Blind Spots
  • Undermining the villain While Bellwether's motives are initially shrouded in mystery, the screenplay reveals that she is driven by a desire for power and control. This motivation, while understandable, lacks the complexity and depth of other villains in the animated genre. Bellwether's actions seem more driven by personal ambition than a broader ideology or a genuine desire for change. This undermines her character and reduces the impact of her villainy. high
  • Stereotyping Predators The screenplay, while advocating for inclusivity and challenging prejudice, inadvertently reinforces a stereotype of predators as inherently dangerous or prone to violence. The revelation that the Night Howlers are the cause of the savage attacks, rather than a pre-disposition within predators, ultimately reinforces the notion that predators pose a threat to prey. This reinforces the very prejudice the screenplay is trying to combat. high
Amateur Giveaways
  • Lack of Worldbuilding Depth While the screenplay effectively establishes Zootopia's unique environment, it could benefit from a more in-depth exploration of the city's history, social structures, and political dynamics. This would add layers of complexity and realism to the narrative, enhancing the impact of the themes of prejudice and discrimination. medium

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Zootopia' presents a compelling narrative that intertwines themes of prejudice, identity, and the pursuit of dreams within a richly developed anthropomorphic world. The character arcs of Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde are well-crafted, showcasing growth and transformation that resonate with audiences. The screenplay effectively balances humor and serious social commentary, making it both entertaining and thought-provoking.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
MissingElements
NotablePoints
Blind Spots
  • Character Development While the main characters are well-developed, some supporting characters lack depth and could benefit from more backstory or motivation, such as Chief Bogo and Assistant Mayor Bellwether. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Exposition At times, the screenplay relies on exposition-heavy dialogue to convey important information, which can feel forced. For example, the explanations of the societal dynamics could be woven more naturally into the narrative. medium
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
4Judy: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
26Nick: If the world’s only gonna see a fox as shifty and untrustworthy, there’s no point in trying to be anything else.
28Hopps: You are a clever bunny.
15Hopps: It means I... have a lead.
5Judy Hopps: Crazy neighbors... I love it!