Promising young woman

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Drama, Thriller, Romance, Comedy, Mystery, Dark Comedy, Slice of Life, Indie, Romantic Comedy, Family

Setting: Contemporary, Various locations including a bar, coffee shop, university, suburban homes, and a cabin in the woods

Overview: Promising Young Woman follows Cassandra, a woman haunted by the trauma of her best friend's sexual assault and the subsequent societal indifference. The story begins with Cassandra leading a double life, appearing as a carefree woman by night while secretly plotting her revenge against those who enable sexual violence. As she navigates various encounters, including a budding relationship with Ryan, her motivations become clearer, revealing her deep-seated anger and desire for justice. The narrative escalates as Cassandra confronts figures from her past, leading to a climactic confrontation that forces her to reckon with the consequences of her actions and the complexities of seeking retribution.

Themes: Justice and Revenge, Trauma and Healing, Identity and Self-Discovery, Societal Pressures and Expectations

Conflict and Stakes: Cassandra's struggle to confront her traumatic past and seek justice for her friend Nina, with her own safety and mental health at stake.

Overall Mood: Tense and introspective, with moments of dark humor.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: The mood is darkly comedic as the men objectify Cassandra, highlighting themes of misogyny.
  • Scene 5: The tone shifts to tense and alarming as Cassandra confronts Jez, revealing her vulnerability.
  • Scene 30: The mood is somber and reflective as Cassandra faces the consequences of her actions.
  • Scene 45: The atmosphere is chaotic and tense during Al's arrest at the wedding, showcasing the fallout of past actions.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The protagonist's transformation from a troubled young woman to a figure seeking justice for her friend.
  • Major Twist: Cassandra's confrontation with Al Monroe reveals deep-seated issues of consent and accountability.
  • Distinctive Setting: The contrast between urban settings and the isolated cabin in the woods enhances the tension.
  • Innovative Ideas: The screenplay explores the impact of social media on personal relationships and trauma.
  • Unique Characters: A diverse cast that includes complex female characters navigating their own struggles.

Comparable Scripts:

  • Promising Young Woman
  • The Nightingale
  • Girls
  • Fleabag
  • The Virgin Suicides
  • Revenge
  • Sharp Objects
  • The Handmaid's Tale
  • Little Fires Everywhere

Writing Style:

The screenplay exhibits a versatile writing style, blending elements of character-driven drama, sharp dialogue, and exploration of complex relationships and moral ambiguities. While exhibiting a range of tones, from dark psychological thrillers to witty comedies, a consistent focus on character dynamics and authentic, nuanced dialogue remains prevalent throughout.

Style Similarities:

  • Greta Gerwig
  • Noah Baumbach
  • Gillian Flynn
  • Richard Linklater
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Highly Recommend


Explanation: Promising Young Woman is a highly compelling and original screenplay with a strong female protagonist and a unique narrative structure. Its strengths lie in its sharp social commentary, unpredictable plot twists, and nuanced character development. While minor pacing issues and a potential lack of emotional depth in certain scenes exist, these are significantly outweighed by the script's overall impact and originality. The ending, while controversial, is deliberate and serves the overarching themes effectively. This script has significant commercial potential and is ready for immediate production.


USP: What sets 'Promising Young Woman' apart is its fearless approach to addressing the themes of sexual violence and societal complicity through a darkly comedic lens. The protagonist's journey of revenge is both relatable and unsettling, making it compelling for audiences who seek narratives that challenge societal norms and provoke thought. The screenplay's unique blend of genres—thriller, drama, and dark comedy—ensures it appeals to a wide audience while delivering a powerful message.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$15-25 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 18-45, particularly those interested in psychological thrillers and dramas that explore social issues.

Marketability: The screenplay tackles relevant social issues with a strong female lead, appealing to audiences looking for depth and complexity.

The blend of dark comedy and thriller elements can attract a diverse audience, enhancing its appeal.

The character-driven narrative and emotional stakes resonate with viewers, though it may face challenges in mainstream marketing.

Profit Potential: Moderate to high, as it addresses timely themes and has the potential for critical acclaim, which can drive box office success.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by a blend of gritty realism and dark humor, interwoven with sharp, witty dialogue that often reveals more through subtext and subtle gestures than explicit exposition. The narrative is driven by realistic character interactions and explores complex themes of consent, toxic masculinity, and the lasting impact of trauma. The direction emphasizes naturalistic dialogue and subtle character actions, creating a compelling sense of authenticity and emotional depth.

Best representation: Scene 6 - The Morning After. This scene is the best representation because it most effectively showcases the writer's signature blend of gritty realism, dark humor, and sharp dialogue. The sudden shift from an intimate and potentially exploitative situation to a tense confrontation is both shocking and compelling. The minimalistic direction allows the dialogue and character actions to speak volumes, creating a powerful and unforgettable moment. The ambiguity of the ending leaves the audience in suspense, encouraging reflection on the themes of consent and power dynamics, while the unexpected turn of events incorporates darkly comedic elements that perfectly capture the writer's unique style. The scene effectively conveys complex themes with subtlety and impact.

Memorable Lines:

  • MADISON: Oh my gooooooood! You look amazing! I almost didn’t recognize you! (Scene 25)
  • MADISON: Never fucking contact me again. (Scene 47)
  • CASSANDRA: I cannot begin to tell you how much I’ve thought about it. (Scene 50)
  • GAIL: He farted on the first date? (Scene 20)
  • CASSANDRA: What are you doing? (Scene 6)
Characters

Cassandra Thomas:A complex young woman grappling with her past, relationships, and the impact of trauma.

Ryan:Cassandra's love interest, a caring but confused individual trying to navigate his feelings for her.

Al Monroe:The groom with a troubled past, whose actions have significant consequences for Cassandra.

Madison McPhee:Cassandra's old friend who struggles with her own past mistakes and their implications.

Jordan Green:A disheveled lawyer with a troubled conscience regarding his past actions.

Joe:Al's best man, who tries to maintain a light-hearted demeanor amidst chaos.

Susan:Cassandra's concerned mother, who struggles to connect with her daughter.

Stanley:Cassandra's father, who tries to support his family while dealing with his own emotions.

Story Shape
Summary **Title: The Sweet Sixteen** **Genre:** Dark Comedy/Thriller **Summary:** Set against the backdrop of a rundown bar called Sweet Sixteen, "The Sweet Sixteen" follows the darkly comedic yet harrowing journey of Cassandra, a young woman navigating a chaotic life filled with questionable relationships, societal pressures, and unresolved personal trauma. As the film opens, a group of well-dressed men engage in crude discussions about Cassandra, who is clearly inebriated and vulnerable. Jez, one of the men, grapples with his discomfort at their misogynistic banter but is pressured to approach her. Their interaction signifies the beginning of a complex dynamic that pivots between flirtation and discomfort. Cassandra's mounting troubles manifest in various encounters, including an unsettling experience at Jez's apartment, where his obliviousness to her discomfort points to a broader theme of men's entitlement. She later grapples with her family’s expectations, friendships, and romantic interests, which only seem to amplify her internal struggles. As she seeks connection in her life, Cassandra's journey unfolds through a series of unfulfilling jobs and awkward interactions, ultimately culminating in a problematic friendship with Madison and a romantic entanglement with Ryan. Tension rises when a damaging video resurfaces, leading to confrontations that peel back layers of trauma and manipulation. The film's tone shifts from humorous to dark as Cassandra's desperation leads her to confront her most daunting insecurities. Events spiral out of control during a chaotic bachelor party for Al Monroe, culminating in a tragic and violent climax where Cassandra's quest for accountability tragically escalates. In the aftermath of her death, the narrative weaves a chilling web of guilt and consequence, involving friends and families who are left to grapple with their emotions and the haunting implications of their actions. Al, handcuffed and panic-stricken, confronts the consequences of his past as he grapples with his impending doom, only to find solace in the support of his friend Joe, who attempts to bury the truth. As the film closes amidst the chaos of a wedding and the subsequent police investigation, themes of accountability, the cruelty of societal expectations, and the intricacies of human relationships intertwine. Cassandra's story serves as a poignant commentary on the struggles of womanhood in a world that often silences their voices, leaving viewers to contemplate the fragility of life and the specter of unresolved trauma as the characters confront the aftermath of their choices. "The Sweet Sixteen" crafts a harrowing yet darkly comedic narrative that peels back the layers of modern relationships through sharp dialogues, vibrant visuals, and a haunting score, ultimately leading to a thought-provoking finale that lingers long after the credits roll.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay boasts a compelling central character in Cassandra, whose journey from vulnerable victim to proactive avenger is intriguing. The exploration of toxic masculinity and the normalization of predatory behavior is a timely and relevant theme. The screenplay also successfully incorporates elements of dark humor and satire, offering moments of levity amidst the serious subject matter. However, the plot suffers from a lack of focus. The narrative jumps between Cassandra's personal struggles, her interactions with various men, and her ultimately unclear motivations. The revenge plot feels somewhat tacked on, lacking sufficient build-up and plausibility. The numerous subplots involving other characters, while providing context, distract from Cassandra's main arc and fail to fully integrate with the central narrative. The pacing is uneven, with some sections feeling rushed while others drag. The ending, while shocking, feels somewhat unearned and lacks emotional resonance. The overall narrative feels disjointed, lacking a clear through-line that connects all the various plot elements.
Suggestions:
  • Refine the central conflict: Clearly define Cassandra's primary goal and ensure all plot points contribute directly to it.
  • Streamline the narrative: Eliminate unnecessary subplots or integrate them more organically into the main story.
  • Develop the revenge plot: Provide a clearer motivation for Cassandra's actions and build suspense leading up to the climax.
  • Improve pacing: Ensure a more consistent flow by tightening weaker scenes and expanding on key moments.
  • Strengthen the ending: Create a more satisfying and emotionally resonant conclusion that provides closure and explores the lasting consequences of Cassandra's actions.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The opening scene effectively establishes the film's central theme of toxic masculinity by showcasing a group of men objectifying a drunk woman. The introduction of Cassandra and Jez is promising, with Jez's internal conflict creating potential for dramatic development. However, the initial focus on the predatory behavior of Jez's friends feels somewhat gratuitous and lacks subtlety. The scene's reliance on stereotypes could be problematic, potentially overshadowing the more nuanced complexities of the characters. The pacing is somewhat slow, and the scene could benefit from tighter writing to establish the core conflict more efficiently. The opening lacks a clear hook to immediately draw the audience into the story.
Suggestions:
  • Strengthen the hook: Open with a more compelling scene that immediately grabs the audience's attention.
  • Develop Jez's internal conflict more subtly: Show rather than tell his discomfort with his friends' behavior.
  • Avoid relying on stereotypes: Portray the men's behavior with more depth and nuance.
  • Tighten the pacing: Eliminate unnecessary dialogue and descriptive details.
  • Establish the core conflict more quickly: Clearly define the central problem within the first few minutes.
Middle The middle section of the screenplay attempts to build Cassandra's character and explore her relationships with various men. The inclusion of several subplots is ambitious but ultimately detrimental to the pacing and narrative focus. While the interactions with various men offer insights into Cassandra's personality and her experiences with toxic masculinity, they feel fragmented and lack a cohesive connection. The numerous encounters with different characters detract from the development of the main plot, creating a sense of disorientation for the viewer. The middle section could be tightened considerably by focusing on the most important relationships and plot points.
Suggestions:
  • Prioritize key relationships: Focus on a smaller number of significant relationships to provide more depth and impact.
  • Create a stronger through-line: Find a way to connect the various subplots in a more meaningful way.
  • Tighten the pacing: Eliminate scenes or plot points that do not directly contribute to the main story.
  • Develop Cassandra's internal conflict more deeply: Show the emotional toll of her experiences.
  • Establish clearer stakes: Raise the stakes to increase the audience's investment in Cassandra's journey.
Ending The ending of the screenplay attempts a shocking twist with Cassandra's actions and ultimate fate. However, the events feel somewhat rushed and unearned, lacking the emotional weight that would make them truly impactful. The revenge plot against Al Monroe feels somewhat arbitrary and does not fully resonate with Cassandra's previously established character arc. The resolution of the various subplots is abrupt and unsatisfactory. While the final scenes provide some closure, they lack the emotional resonance necessary to leave a lasting impression on the viewer. The ending could benefit from more time spent developing the emotional consequences of Cassandra's actions.
Suggestions:
  • Develop a more satisfying climax: Build the suspense leading up to Cassandra's actions to make them more impactful.
  • Provide a stronger connection to Cassandra's character arc: Ensure her final actions are consistent with her previously established motivations.
  • Resolve subplots more effectively: Provide a more satisfying conclusion to the various storylines.
  • Create more emotional resonance: Explore the emotional consequences of Cassandra's actions on herself and those around her.
  • Consider alternative endings: Explore alternative endings that provide a stronger emotional impact and a more thought-provoking conclusion.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - Objectification at Sweet Sixteen Dark, Cynical, Sarcastic 8.5 9 88 9 887989978 99888
2 - Lost Connection Concerned, Woozy, Wary 7.5 8 75 8 686554647 77788
3 - A Caring Gesture Compassionate, Awkward, Judgmental 8.5 9 87 9 887756869 89888
4 - Late Night Decisions Suspenseful, Intimate, Hopeful 8.5 8 88 9 787665879 99888
5 - Misread Signals Intimate, Awkward, Uncomfortable 6.5 7 68 7 676676777 79888
6 - Awakening Confrontation Intense, Disturbing, Unsettling 9.2 9 99 9 98710899810 99888
7 - The Morning After Remorseless, Tense, Anxious 8.5 9 89 9 887777889 99888
8 - Stirring Discontent Serious, Sarcastic, Confrontational 8.5 8 89 9 887.5888878 998.588.5
9 - A Bitter Brew Uncomfortable, Empowering, Tense 8.5 9 88 9 987877879 89888
10 - Awkward Encounters at Make Me Coffee Sarcastic, Awkward, Tense 8.5 8 89 9 787776888 99888
11 - Rebel Glam: A Lipstick Defiance Introspective, Tense, Awkward 7.5 8 79 8 887867778 79898
12 - Uncomfortable Encounters Intense, Uncomfortable, Dark 8.5 8 89 9 886978789 89887
13 - Confrontation of Boundaries Intense, Confrontational, Unsettling 9.2 10 99 9 9871089999 99888
14 - A Birthday Unremembered Tense, Emotional, Reflective 8.5 8 88 9 887786779 89888
15 - Unpacking Choices Sarcastic, Defiant, Awkward 8.5 8 89 9 787776877 99888
16 - Sneaking Out Tense, Awkward, Hopeful 8.2 8 88 9 786776768 88899
17 - A Date with Disturbing Humor Humorous, Reflective, Awkward 8.5 8 89 9 787665878 99888
18 - Misunderstood Intentions Awkward, Tense, Emotional 8.5 9 89 9 887776879 99888
19 - Hidden Struggles Tense, Awkward, Hollowed 8.5 8 87 9 887877869 87888
20 - Contrasting Reflections Humorous, Awkward, Reflective 8.5 8 88 9 686574768 99888
21 - A Light-Hearted Reunion Awkward, Hopeful, Humorous 8.5 8 99 9 787665778 89888
22 - Coffee Shop Confessions Humorous, Awkward, Tense 7.5 7 78 8 486553566 99888
23 - Coffee Shop Confessions Humorous, Awkward, Casual 8.5 8 89 9 687564676 99888
24 - Confronting Inadequacy Tension, Anxiety, Regret 8.5 9 89 9 887878879 89888
25 - Toasting to Facades Warm, Sympathetic, Humorous 8.5 8 88 9 787776778 98999
26 - Unspoken Truths Confrontational, Reflective, Humorous 8.5 8 88 9 887887889 99888
27 - A Disturbing Encounter Tense, Cold, Disturbed 8.5 8 97 8 787878978 99888
28 - Deceptive Encounters Desperate, Excited, Tense, Humorous 8.5 8 99 9 787888988 89988
29 - Confronting the Past Intense, Confrontational, Emotional 9.2 10 99 9 997.51089999 9998.58.5
30 - Shattered Calm Intense, Emotional, Confrontational 8.5 8 99 8 887989989 89988
31 - Unspoken Tensions Tense, Emotional, Awkward 7.5 8 78 8 787.5786778 88.5888
32 - Fractured Connections Tense, Emotional, Reflective 8.5 8 89 9 887877879 99888
33 - Neon Confrontation Tense, Confrontational, Intense, Defiant 8.5 8 88 9 887978888 99888
34 - Isolation and Despair Bleak, Cold, Weird 7.5 8 78 8 687473568 79888
35 - A Distressed Encounter Tense, Unsettling, Foreboding 8.5 8 98 8 787878978 89888
36 - Seeking Forgiveness Tense, Confrontational, Revealing, Intense, Emotional 9.2 9 99 10 9979799810 99888
37 - Power Dynamics Tense, Emotional, Desperate 8.5 8 98 9 887878979 88899
38 - Confronting the Past Tense, Reflective, Regretful, Emotional 8.5 8 88 9 887776779 99888
39 - Missed Connections Tense, Awkward, Reflective 8.5 8 88 9 887777879 98899
40 - Moving On and Rekindling Joy Emotional, Reflective, Awkward, Playful 8.5 8 88 9 887675779 99888
41 - Cozy Moments Intimate, Reflective, Tender 8.5 8 88 9 787352669 89999
42 - Sweet Moments Romantic, Light-hearted, Nostalgic 8.5 8 84 9 686243739 87788
43 - Breaking the Ice Awkward, Light-hearted, Warm 8.5 8 88 9 687473577 89899
44 - A Recipe for Connection Emotional, Reflective, Awkward 8.5 8 88 9 886566769 99888
45 - Confessions in Bed Emotional, Intimate, Humorous 9.2 9 98.5 10 887.56857810 998.588
46 - A Moment of Reassurance Tense, Emotional, Apologetic 8.5 8 88 9 887675779 99888
47 - Confronting the Past Shame, Regret, Confusion 9.2 9 98 10 9989889710 99899
48 - Shattered Illusions Shocking, Emotional, Intense 9.2 9 99 9 9879789810 99888
49 - Urgent Whispers Tense, Emotional, Serious 8.5 9 87 9 887878979 89888
50 - Confrontation in the Office Heartbroken, Serious, Horror, Tense 9.2 9 98 9 99810810989 99999
51 - A Weekend of Transformation Tense, Serious, Emotional 8.5 8 89 8 887879979 79888
52 - A Night of Revelry Intense, Dark, Tense, Seductive 8.5 8 99 8 787.5989988 89888
53 - Confrontation in the Shadows Intense, Dark, Confrontational, Emotional 9.5 9 109 10 9981091010810 99888
54 - A Night Gone Wrong Tense, Desperate, Grim, Dark, Anxious 8.5 9 89 9 887.5989889 898.588
55 - Embers of Closure Sad, Tense, Dark 8.5 8 88 9 887868879 89888
56 - Desperate Pleas Anxious, Concerned, Hopeful 8.5 8 88 9 787778979 89888
57 - Unraveling Secrets Tense, Serious, Suspenseful 8.5 8 99 8 887.5889999 998.588
58 - A Wedding of Joy and Discontent Tense, Emotional, Suspenseful 8.7 9 98 9 987979979 88899
59 - Whispers of Disappearance Troubled, Distraught, Panic, Activity 8.5 8 99 8 887879989 89988
60 - Wedding Chaos: The Arrest Tense, Dramatic, Emotional, Suspenseful 8.5 8 99 8 889989989 89999


Scene 1 - Objectification at Sweet Sixteen
INT. SWEET SIXTEEN’S DANCEFLOOR - NIGHT
A super-depressing dancefloor on a Thursday night. 2-For-1
shots and a sticky floor. The kind of last-resort place
people end up after work having accidentally nailed ten “just
one” drinks.

A bored DJ plays the DROELOE remix of “Boys” by Charlie XCX,
while the thin and kind of tragic crowd dances.
We linger on the men dancing in particular, their bodies, the
sweat running down their backs as they grind and thrust. The
slow-mo, the lascivious pan-up, the sort of erotic gaze
normally reserved for oiled-up music-video hotties. Except
we’re looking at regular dudes in chinos with absolutely no
dancing ability.


INT. SWEET SIXTEEN’S UPSTAIRS BAR - NIGHT

By the bar, is a group of guys still in their work suits,
ties loosened. They’re mostly good-looking, in their early-
thirties, bantering and eyeing up the diminishing talent
pool. Among them are JEZ, a shy, sweet guy who is clearly
dying to leave, and PAUL, a sweaty Alpha-bro whose super-
fragile masculinity is always one rejection away from
shattering to pieces.
PAUL
Fuck her, man. It’s how things are
done. It’s just a fucking round of
golf! You’d think we were taking
clients to a strip club or
something-

JIM
-which we can’t anymore-
PAUL
-Exactly we can’t even do that
anymore because of last year’s
Christmas party.

JEZ
I think it’s because the golf club
doesn’t let women play there.
The guys stare at JEZ.
PAUL
So?
2




JEZ
So...it means we’re having client
meetings without her.
3




PAUL
Look she should focus on closing her
own shit. Not whining because we’re
all doing better than her.
Something catches PAUL’S eye.

PAUL (CONT'D)
Jesus.
The guys follow his gaze. Across the club, sprawled on a damp
leather sofa is CASSANDRA, late-20s. She is hammered, her
hair plastered to her face, mascara under her glazed eyes,
the skirt of her pinstriped work suit riding up.
PAUL (CONT'D)
Look at that. God almighty. Get some
dignity, sweetheart.

The guys all laugh, except JEZ.
PAUL (CONT'D)
You know. They put themselves in
danger, girls like that. If she’s
not careful someone’s going to take
advantage and then she’ll be the one
in tears tomorrow morning.
JIM
She’s kinda hot.
PAUL
She’s a hot fucking mess.

CASSANDRA moves on the sofa, we see her underwear.
PAUL (CONT'D)
I mean look at that.
PAUL sneers. They all look. We feel that slow, animal shift
in the group, from disgust to desire, to a heady sense of
opportunity.

JEZ
(trying to divert
attention)
Hey guys, I was thinking maybe we
should talk to Brian again. I think
he might be coming round to-
The guys aren’t listening. They are all mesmerized by
CASSANDRA and the possibility she represents.
4




PAUL
I’m sorry that is asking for it.
You’d think you’d know better by her
age, wouldn’t you? Where are her
friends? Fucked off somewhere and
left her lying around for anyone to
pick up.
JIM
Sounds like a challenge, Paul.
PAUL eyes her up, thinking.
PAUL
Yeah. Maybe.

JEZ intervenes.
JEZ
I’ll go over.
The guys whoop.

PAUL
Ooooooh!
JIM
Didn’t know you had it in you!

JEZ
To see if she’s ok.
PAUL
Sure, sure. Mmmm-hmmm. Absolutely.

PAUL winks.
Genres: ["Drama","Dark Comedy"]

Summary In a rundown bar called Sweet Sixteen, a group of well-dressed men, including Jez and Paul, engage in crude discussions about a drunken woman named Cassandra, who is sprawled on a sofa. While Paul and the others objectify her, Jez feels uncomfortable and tries to steer the conversation back to work. Despite his reservations, Jez is pressured by the group to approach Cassandra, highlighting the darkly comedic and misogynistic undertones of the scene.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Effective character development
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Negative portrayal of women
  • Toxic masculinity

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a dark and cynical tone, introduces conflict and tension among the characters, and hints at potential consequences. The dialogue and actions reveal the characters' traits and motivations, creating intrigue and discomfort for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of toxic masculinity, objectification of women, and potential danger is compelling and thought-provoking. It delves into complex social dynamics and human behavior, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through character interactions and reveals underlying tensions within the group. It sets up potential conflicts and consequences, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the familiar setting of a bar, with a focus on internal moral conflicts and societal dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions and dialogue reveal their flaws and complexities, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perceptions and behaviors, hinting at potential growth or downfall. Their interactions and decisions foreshadow future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his sense of decency and empathy in a toxic and objectifying environment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the social dynamics of the bar and potentially help a vulnerable woman.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high due to the toxic dynamics among the characters, the objectification of women, and the potential danger hinted at in the scene. It creates tension and suspense for the audience.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and desires among the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high due to the toxic dynamics, objectification of women, and potential danger present in the scene. The characters' decisions and actions could have significant consequences, raising the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflicts, tensions, and potential consequences. It sets up future events and character arcs, driving the narrative towards resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its exploration of shifting group dynamics and moral choices.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between treating women with respect and dignity versus objectifying and taking advantage of them.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes discomfort, intrigue, and unease in the audience through its dark and cynical tone, toxic character interactions, and potential danger. It elicits emotional responses and sets up future developments.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, cynical, and reflective of the characters' personalities. It conveys tension, conflict, and underlying emotions effectively, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its exploration of complex moral dilemmas and character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and highlights the characters' moral dilemmas.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct character interactions and progression of events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a bleak atmosphere, highlighting the desperation of the characters and the setting. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to differentiate the personalities of the men. Currently, they blend together, making it hard for the audience to connect with any one character.
  • The transition from discussing their colleague's exclusion to objectifying Cassandra feels abrupt. While this shift is intended to showcase the predatory nature of the group, it could be more gradual to enhance the tension and discomfort. Consider adding more internal conflict for Jez, who seems to be the only one uncomfortable with the group's behavior.
  • Cassandra's introduction is visually striking, but her characterization could be deepened. Instead of just being a 'hot mess,' providing a glimpse into her backstory or motivations could evoke more empathy from the audience. This would make her a more rounded character rather than a mere object of desire.
  • The use of humor in the dialogue is effective, but it risks undermining the seriousness of the themes being explored, such as misogyny and predatory behavior. Striking a better balance between humor and the gravity of the situation could enhance the impact of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial focus on the dancefloor is engaging, but the shift to the bar feels rushed. Consider extending the buildup to the moment when the men notice Cassandra, allowing the audience to fully absorb the atmosphere and the men's dynamics before the shift in focus.
Suggestions
  • Differentiate the characters' dialogue by giving each of them unique speech patterns or catchphrases that reflect their personalities. This will help the audience remember who is who and create a more engaging dynamic.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Jez before he approaches Cassandra. This could involve him reflecting on the group's behavior or recalling a past experience that makes him uncomfortable, adding depth to his character.
  • Incorporate subtle hints about Cassandra's life or struggles through her appearance or actions, such as a personal item she clings to or a moment of vulnerability that reveals her backstory, making her more relatable.
  • Consider toning down the humor in the dialogue when discussing serious topics. This could involve having Jez express genuine concern for Cassandra, contrasting with the others' objectification, to highlight the moral divide within the group.
  • Slow down the pacing when transitioning from the bar conversation to the focus on Cassandra. This could involve lingering on the men's reactions or adding a brief moment where they reflect on their own lives before shifting their attention to her.



Scene 2 - Lost Connection
INT. SWEET SIXTEEN’S UPSTAIRS BAR - MOMENTS LATER
CASSANDRA is haphazardly looking through her purse. JEZ
approaches.
JEZ
You ok? What are you looking for?
CASSANDRA looks up woozily.

CASSANDRA
Phone.
JEZ sits down next to her. CASSANDRA continues to look.
5




CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
S’not here.
She starts to look around the couch, he helps.
JEZ
Could you have left in...in the
bathroom maybe?
CASSANDRA
I...maybe...
JEZ
I’ll go look.
CASSANDRA watches him go. So do his friends, who are watching
them both with great interest. CASSANDRA looks back at them
warily.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the upstairs bar of Sweet Sixteen, Cassandra frantically searches her purse for her missing phone, appearing disoriented and anxious. Jez approaches her with concern, and they both look around the couch for the device. When Jez suggests it might be in the bathroom and offers to check, Cassandra watches him leave with unease, feeling the weight of her anxiety as his friends observe the situation.
Strengths
  • Shift in tone
  • Character empathy
  • Setting up potential conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Lack of deep character exploration
  • Minimal conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively shifts the tone from objectification to concern, showing a different side of the characters and setting.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showing vulnerability and concern in a bar setting adds depth to the characters and sets up potential conflicts.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by introducing a potential conflict with Cassandra losing her phone, adding a layer of intrigue to the scene.

Originality: 5

The scene is not particularly original, as it depicts a common scenario of someone losing their phone at a party. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic but do not offer a fresh perspective.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show a different side by expressing concern for Cassandra, adding complexity to their personalities.

Character Changes: 6

Cassandra's vulnerability and Jez's concern hint at potential character development, setting the stage for future changes.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to find her phone, which reflects her need for connection and communication. It also shows her fear of being disconnected or losing touch with others.

External Goal: 6

Cassandra's external goal is to locate her phone, which is a challenge she is facing in the immediate circumstances of the party.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict is minimal in this scene, mainly revolving around Cassandra's lost phone.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in the scene is moderate, as Cassandra faces a challenge in finding her phone but it is not a major obstacle.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character empathy than high drama.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a potential conflict with Cassandra's lost phone.

Unpredictability: 4

This scene is predictable because the conflict is straightforward and the outcome is likely to be resolved without major twists or turns.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of concern and empathy for Cassandra, creating an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is simple and straightforward, focusing on Cassandra's lost phone and the concern shown by Jez.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it sets up a relatable situation and creates tension around the search for Cassandra's phone.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest in the search for Cassandra's phone.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and character cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-driven interaction in a bar setting, with clear character actions and reactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds on the tension established in the previous scene, showcasing Jez's internal conflict as he approaches Cassandra. However, the dialogue feels somewhat flat and lacks emotional depth. While the characters are in a tense situation, their exchanges could be more dynamic to reflect the underlying discomfort and predatory atmosphere.
  • Cassandra's disorientation is clear, but her characterization could be enhanced by incorporating more physicality or specific actions that illustrate her state. For instance, instead of simply stating she can't find her phone, she could exhibit more frantic behavior, such as rummaging through her purse with increasing desperation, which would heighten the sense of urgency.
  • Jez's character is introduced as a sympathetic figure, but his dialogue lacks a strong voice that distinguishes him from the other men. He could express more of his internal struggle or moral conflict about the situation, which would make his character more relatable and engaging.
  • The presence of Jez's friends watching adds a layer of tension, but their reactions could be more pronounced. Instead of just watching, they could make comments or gestures that further emphasize their predatory interest in Cassandra, which would enhance the scene's darkly comedic tone.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed. Allowing for more pauses or moments of silence could create a more uncomfortable atmosphere, emphasizing the weight of the situation and the characters' emotions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive action for Cassandra to illustrate her disorientation and frantic search for her phone. This could include her fumbling with items in her purse or looking around the bar with confusion.
  • Enhance Jez's dialogue to reflect his internal conflict more clearly. Perhaps he could express his discomfort more explicitly or make a comment that reveals his moral stance against his friends' behavior.
  • Incorporate more overt reactions from Jez's friends to Cassandra's state. This could include crude comments or laughter that heightens the tension and reinforces the predatory atmosphere.
  • Slow down the pacing by including pauses in the dialogue or moments where characters react silently to the situation. This can build tension and allow the audience to feel the weight of the moment.
  • Consider using visual cues to enhance the scene's tone. For example, the lighting could be dimmer to reflect the dreariness of the bar, or the camera could focus on Cassandra's expressions to convey her vulnerability.



Scene 3 - A Caring Gesture
INT. SWEET SIXTEEN’S UPSTAIRS BAR - LATER
JEZ returns. No phone.
JEZ
No phone in there. I’m sorry. Are
you going to be ok?
CASSANDRA
Oh yeah.
She gives him a thumbs up.
JEZ
How are you going to get home?
CASSANDRA
The ryde app.
JEZ
I think you need a phone for that.
CASSANDRA
...Oh...
JEZ looks nervously over at his friends. He makes a decision.
JEZ
Look, I’m going home now anyway. I
can drop you somewhere?
CASSANDRA
No...
6




JEZ
Honestly. It’s fine.
CASSANDRA looks up at him gratefully. He gives her his hands
and hoists her up.

JEZ (CONT'D)
There we are.
She falls onto him, leaning on him as they walk out. He looks
back at his friends who are all laughing and miming jerking
off and thrusting. JEZ rolls his eyes at them.

INT. SWEET SIXTEEN’S STAIRWELL - NIGHT

JEZ helps CASSANDRA down the stairs.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the upstairs bar of Sweet Sixteen, Jez expresses concern for Cassandra's well-being after she realizes she needs a phone to call for a ride home. Despite her initial reluctance, she accepts his offer to drive her. As they walk out together, Jez dismisses the crude gestures of his friends, showcasing his caring nature. The scene transitions to the stairwell where Jez assists Cassandra down the stairs, highlighting their camaraderie amidst the light-hearted yet concerned atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Stereotypical portrayal of toxic masculinity

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the conflicting emotions of compassion and judgment through Jez's actions and his friends' reactions, creating a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring the complexities of compassion and judgment in a social setting is compelling and well-realized in the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Jez decides to help Cassandra, leading to a shift in the dynamics between the characters and setting up potential conflicts in future scenes.

Originality: 7

The scene presents a familiar situation of helping someone get home safely but adds a fresh approach through the characters' interactions and dialogue, making it feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Jez displaying empathy and conflict, while his friends represent judgment and insensitivity. Their interactions drive the scene forward and reveal layers of their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Jez undergoes a subtle but significant change in the scene, shifting from passive observer to active participant in helping Cassandra, showcasing his growth and moral compass.

Internal Goal: 8

Jez's internal goal in this scene is to be helpful and caring towards Cassandra, showcasing his compassionate nature.

External Goal: 7

Jez's external goal is to ensure Cassandra gets home safely, reflecting his sense of responsibility and care for others.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the internal struggle within Jez as he balances his desire to help Cassandra with the ridicule from his friends, creating a tense atmosphere.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in the scene is minimal, with Cassandra initially resisting Jez's help but ultimately accepting it without much conflict.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional and social implications for the characters are significant, laying the groundwork for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships and conflicts, setting the stage for future developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of the outcome of Jez offering to help Cassandra, but the characters' reactions and interactions add a layer of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between Jez's desire to help Cassandra and Cassandra's initial reluctance to accept his help, hinting at themes of independence and vulnerability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, eliciting feelings of empathy, discomfort, and tension as the characters navigate complex social dynamics.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotions present in the scene, with contrasting tones between Jez and his friends adding depth to the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the humor injected into the dialogue, and the relatable situation presented.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue and action that keeps the scene moving forward and maintains the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, making it easy to follow and visualize the actions taking place.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character actions and dialogue, contributing to the overall flow and pacing of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds on the tension established in the previous scene, highlighting the power dynamics between Jez, Cassandra, and Jez's friends. However, it feels somewhat rushed, especially in the transition from the search for the phone to Jez offering Cassandra a ride. The emotional stakes could be raised further by allowing more time for Cassandra's anxiety about her situation to manifest, perhaps through her dialogue or physical reactions.
  • Cassandra's responses feel a bit flat, particularly when she says, 'Oh yeah' after Jez asks if she will be okay. This could be an opportunity to convey her vulnerability more vividly, as she is in a precarious situation. A more nuanced response could better illustrate her confusion and fear, adding depth to her character.
  • Jez's character is portrayed as caring, but his motivations for helping Cassandra could be clarified. Is he genuinely concerned for her well-being, or is he trying to distance himself from his friends' crude behavior? Adding a line or two that reflects his internal struggle could enhance his character development.
  • The visual elements are strong, especially the contrast between Jez's concern and the crude behavior of his friends. However, more description of the setting could enhance the atmosphere. For example, mentioning the dim lighting or the sounds of the bar could help immerse the audience in the scene.
  • The ending of the scene, where Jez helps Cassandra down the stairs, is visually compelling but lacks a strong emotional punch. It would be more impactful if there were a moment of connection or acknowledgment between them before they exit, reinforcing the bond that is beginning to form amid the chaos.
Suggestions
  • Extend the dialogue between Jez and Cassandra to allow her to express more of her feelings about being lost and alone. This could include her expressing her discomfort or fear about getting home without her phone.
  • Consider adding a moment where Jez hesitates before offering to drive Cassandra home, showcasing his internal conflict about leaving his friends behind and addressing Cassandra's vulnerability.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting to create a more immersive atmosphere. Include sensory details like the sounds of the bar and the dim lighting to set the mood.
  • Introduce a moment of eye contact or a shared understanding between Jez and Cassandra as he helps her up, which could deepen their connection and add emotional weight to the scene.
  • Incorporate body language to convey Cassandra's state of mind more effectively. For instance, show her fidgeting or looking around nervously to emphasize her anxiety and discomfort in the situation.



Scene 4 - Late Night Decisions
INT. PICKUP - LATER
The Pickup driver, MONTY, glances at CASSANDRA in the mirror.
The window is down and the wind is in her face, she’s
desperately trying to sober up.

MONTY
(suspicious)
I just got my car cleaned.

JEZ
She’s fine.
CASSANDRA
I’m not going to throw up...I don’t
think...

JEZ
There you are, sir, she’s not going
to throw up.
CASSANDRA gives herself a little ‘Whoo!’.
JEZ laughs. She looks over and smiles hazily. Is there...a
spark here? She is really pretty. And she seems cool, from
the five words she’s said...
JEZ (CONT'D)
Hey, you know, my apartment is only
a few blocks away. You
wanna...um...maybe have a drink
before hitting the hay?

CASSANDRA
Um...
7




JEZ
I mean, it’s literally just here.
One beer?
8




CASSANDRA
Um...
JEZ
(to the driver)
Hey, could we go to 242 Raleigh
Drive instead? It’s a couple of
blocks.
MONTY looks at JEZ, then over at CASSANDRA in the mirror. She
is obviously very drunk.
MONTY
Put the address in the app.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a pickup truck after a night out, Monty drives Cassandra and Jez, expressing concern about Cassandra's drunken state. While Cassandra tries to sober up with the window down, Jez flirts with her and suggests stopping by his apartment for a drink. Despite her hesitation, Cassandra shows interest, leading to a conflict between Monty's protective instincts and Jez's playful persuasion. Ultimately, Monty agrees to change their destination, setting the stage for a shift in the evening's plans.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and intimacy between the characters, setting the stage for potential development in their relationship. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and engaging, drawing the audience in.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of two characters sharing a vulnerable moment during a late-night drive is engaging and relatable. It adds depth to the characters and hints at potential developments in their relationship.

Plot: 8

The scene contributes to the overall plot by introducing a potential romantic subplot between Jez and Cassandra. It adds complexity to the narrative and keeps the audience invested in the characters' journeys.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on the classic 'drunken night out' scenario by focusing on the characters' internal struggles and subtle interactions. The dialogue feels authentic and true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Jez and Cassandra are well-developed characters with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the scene and setting the stage for further character development.

Character Changes: 7

Both Jez and Cassandra experience subtle changes during the scene, as they navigate their growing connection and vulnerability. Their interactions hint at potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal is to maintain composure and not embarrass herself in front of Jez. She wants to appear cool and in control despite being intoxicated.

External Goal: 7

Jez's external goal is to potentially continue the evening with Cassandra by inviting her to his apartment for a drink.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a subtle tension between Jez and Cassandra, the scene focuses more on their growing connection rather than external conflict. The conflict is internal and emotional, adding depth to the characters' interactions.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, as Monty's concern for Cassandra's well-being creates a minor obstacle to Jez's plans.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the potential for a romantic relationship between Jez and Cassandra adds emotional depth and complexity to the narrative. The stakes are more internal and emotional.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a potential romantic subplot between Jez and Cassandra. It adds complexity to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments in the characters' relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the characters' actions and decisions are not entirely predictable, adding a sense of tension and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing perceptions of the situation. Jez sees Cassandra as a potential romantic interest, while Monty is more concerned about her well-being due to her drunken state.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' vulnerability and potential for romance. It evokes feelings of suspense, intimacy, and hope, leaving a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is natural and engaging, reflecting the characters' emotions and intentions effectively. It drives the scene forward and enhances the audience's understanding of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the subtle tension and chemistry between the characters, as well as the relatable and realistic dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue flows naturally and keeps the scene moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted correctly, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It follows the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and action, with clear character motivations and development. It adheres to the expected structure for a character-driven dialogue scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and discomfort surrounding Cassandra's inebriation and Jez's intentions. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, Jez's offer for a drink feels somewhat abrupt and lacks a deeper connection to their previous interactions.
  • Cassandra's character is portrayed as vulnerable, but her responses could be more nuanced to reflect her internal struggle. Instead of simply saying 'Um...' multiple times, she could express her hesitation in a way that reveals her conflicting feelings about Jez and her current state.
  • Monty's character serves as a moral compass, but his dialogue is somewhat flat. Adding a line that reflects his concern for Cassandra's well-being could deepen his role and create a stronger contrast between him and Jez.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from the car ride to the suggestion of going to Jez's apartment. Slowing down the dialogue and allowing for more pauses could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the implications of the situation.
  • The visual elements could be enhanced by describing Cassandra's physical state more vividly. For example, detailing her body language or facial expressions could convey her intoxication and vulnerability more effectively, allowing the audience to empathize with her plight.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to reveal the characters' true feelings and intentions. For example, Jez could express a deeper concern for Cassandra's well-being before suggesting they go to his apartment.
  • Give Cassandra more varied responses that reflect her internal conflict. Instead of repeating 'Um...', she could articulate her hesitation or fear about going to Jez's apartment, adding depth to her character.
  • Enhance Monty's character by adding a line that shows his concern for Cassandra, which would create a stronger moral contrast with Jez's intentions.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene by allowing for more pauses and moments of reflection, particularly after key lines of dialogue. This will help build tension and give the audience time to process the situation.
  • Add more vivid descriptions of Cassandra's physical state and body language to convey her intoxication and vulnerability, making it easier for the audience to empathize with her situation.



Scene 5 - Misread Signals
INT. JEZ’S APARTMENT - LATER
A small, messy apartment, gaming cords tangled on the floor,
dishes stacked up. JEZ comes in and turns the lights on,
picking up a few things from the floor and throwing them on a
chair. We’ve seen this move in many a bro movie: this could
be the start of any dude-skewed romance.

JEZ
Sorry...it’s a mess. Embarrassing. I
wasn’t expecting...
CASSANDRA ignores this, and slumps down on the couch.

JEZ (CONT'D)
What can I get for ya, milady?
He rummages through the cupboards.

JEZ (CONT'D)
We have beer...vodka...and...
He takes out a disgusting looking bottle of orange liqueur.
JEZ (CONT'D)
And a kumquat liqueur my parents
brought back from Greece.

CASSANDRA
Kumquat...?
This is a question. Not a request.
JEZ
Kumquat it is!

He pours it. CASSANDRA looks around his apartment.
9




CASSANDRA
D’you...live alone here?
JEZ
No. But don’t worry. My roommate’s
out of town.

CASSANDRA looks a little concerned by this- JEZ doesn’t
notice.
JEZ sits down next to her and hands her the bright orange
drink. He’s poured her significantly more than he has
himself. CASSANDRA drinks it. She chokes on it a little.
CASSANDRA
Ugh. That’s disgusting.

JEZ looks at her, he gently wipes the mascara from under her
eyes.

JEZ
You’re so beautiful.

CASSANDRA
Thanks.
CASSANDRA isn’t seeing straight. JEZ leans in to kiss her.
She does not respond, but she does not push him away. The
kiss is entirely one-sided, but JEZ doesn’t notice.

He pulls away, looks down at her lovingly. Overwhelmed by the
moment.
JEZ
Wow.
CASSANDRA looks on the verge of vomiting.
CASSANDRA
I don’t feel good. I need to lie
down.
JEZ
Oh...yeah of course!
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary In Jez's cluttered apartment, he tries to impress Cassandra by offering her drinks, ultimately pouring her a kumquat liqueur that she finds repulsive. As he compliments her beauty and attempts to kiss her, Cassandra, too intoxicated and feeling unwell, struggles to engage and expresses her need to lie down. Jez remains oblivious to her discomfort, leading to an awkward and unresolved tension between them.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension and discomfort
  • Exploration of complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Uncomfortable one-sided kiss
  • Potential issues with consent

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6.5

The scene effectively conveys the awkwardness and discomfort of the situation, but it also raises concerns about consent and boundaries, which may be off-putting for some viewers.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring a potentially problematic interaction between two characters is intriguing and adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 6

The plot progresses as Jez tries to make a move on Cassandra, leading to a moment of discomfort and realization for both characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a romantic encounter but adds a twist by exploring themes of consent and manipulation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Jez and Cassandra are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities and flaws.

Character Changes: 6

Both Jez and Cassandra experience a shift in their dynamic, with Jez realizing the consequences of his actions and Cassandra feeling unwell and vulnerable.

Internal Goal: 7

Jez's internal goal in this scene is to impress Cassandra and potentially start a romantic relationship with her. This reflects his desire for validation and connection.

External Goal: 6

Jez's external goal is to make Cassandra feel comfortable and have a good time in his apartment. This reflects the immediate challenge of creating a positive impression.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene arises from the uncomfortable situation between Jez and Cassandra, but it may not be as high-stakes as other plot points.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as Cassandra's discomfort and Jez's obliviousness create a conflict that adds depth to the interaction.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low in terms of immediate danger, but the emotional and relational stakes are high for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Jez and Cassandra and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it challenges traditional romantic tropes and introduces unexpected character dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the blurred lines between consent and manipulation in romantic interactions. Jez's actions of kissing Cassandra without her clear consent challenge traditional beliefs about romantic behavior.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions from discomfort to concern, but the one-sided kiss may detract from the overall emotional impact.

Dialogue: 6.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the awkwardness and tension between Jez and Cassandra, but some lines may be uncomfortable for viewers.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates tension and intrigue through the characters' interactions and the unfolding of the romantic encounter.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the characters interact and reveal their emotions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a romantic encounter in a screenplay, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the messy, chaotic environment of Jez's apartment, which reflects his character and sets the tone for the interaction with Cassandra. However, the description could be more vivid to enhance the reader's visualization of the space. For example, instead of just stating 'dishes stacked up,' consider describing the types of dishes or the smell of the apartment to create a stronger sensory experience.
  • The dialogue between Jez and Cassandra feels somewhat clichéd, particularly the line 'What can I get for ya, milady?' This could be an opportunity to inject more personality into Jez's character. Instead of using a generic line, consider having him say something that reflects his unique perspective or humor, which would make the interaction feel fresher.
  • Cassandra's reaction to the kumquat liqueur is a good moment that highlights her state of inebriation. However, the transition from her initial discomfort to the kiss feels abrupt. It would be beneficial to explore her internal conflict more deeply, perhaps through her thoughts or physical reactions, to convey her vulnerability and confusion more effectively.
  • The moment where Jez wipes mascara from under Cassandra's eyes is intimate but could come off as invasive given her state. This action needs to be framed carefully to avoid making Jez appear predatory. Adding a line of dialogue or a moment of hesitation from Jez could help clarify his intentions and make the scene feel more consensual.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly as it moves from the drink to the kiss. Slowing down the moment before the kiss could build tension and allow the audience to feel the weight of the situation. Consider adding more dialogue or physical cues that reflect Cassandra's discomfort before the kiss occurs.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the description of Jez's apartment to create a more vivid and immersive setting. Use sensory details to evoke the atmosphere.
  • Revise Jez's dialogue to make it more unique and reflective of his character. Avoid clichés and aim for lines that reveal more about his personality.
  • Deepen Cassandra's internal conflict during the scene. Use her thoughts or physical reactions to convey her discomfort and confusion more clearly.
  • Reframe the moment where Jez wipes Cassandra's mascara to ensure it feels consensual and caring rather than invasive. Consider adding a line that shows his concern for her well-being.
  • Slow down the pacing before the kiss to build tension. Include more dialogue or physical cues that reflect Cassandra's discomfort, allowing the audience to fully grasp the gravity of the moment.



Scene 6 - Awakening Confrontation
INT. JEZ'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
JEZ’s leads her to his bed and she falls down onto it. He
looks down on her. A beat. Then he gets on the bed beside
her. Trailing his fingers up and down her stomach. She closes
her eyes.
10




JEZ
Hey, hey. Don’t go to sleep.
She opens her eyes a crack. He starts to kiss her, up and
down her neck.

JEZ (CONT'D)
God, you are so pretty.
He kisses her. She doesn’t respond. He starts unbuttoning her
dress. He kisses her body gently.
CASSANDRA
What...
JEZ
Shhh...
He continues to unbutton her, pulling down her bra. CASSANDRA
starts to get a little concerned.
CASSANDRA
Wait...

JEZ
Don’t worry, hey, it’s ok, you’re
ok. You’re safe.
He really believes that she is.

CASSANDRA
What...
JEZ
God, your body.
CASSANDRA
What are you...
JEZ begins to gently pull her underwear down her legs.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
(confused, super drunk)
What are you doing?
Her underwear is around her knees, JEZ is staring between her
legs.
CASSANDRA (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Hey. HEY!
JEZ looks up. CASSANDRA is sitting, looking directly at him.
She is stone, cold sober.
11




CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
I said: what are you doing?
JEZ looks back at her, his hands still holding her underwear,
terrified.

CUT TO BLACK. “Lovesick” by Lindstrom and Christabelle brings
up the titles.

PROMISING YOUNG WOMAN.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Jez's bedroom, he attempts to seduce a vulnerable Cassandra, who initially seems unresponsive. As he begins to undress her, she suddenly becomes sober and confronts him, demanding to know his intentions. The scene shifts from intimate to tense as Cassandra asserts herself, leaving Jez terrified and holding her underwear, while the audience is left in suspense.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Effective portrayal of uncomfortable themes
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Disturbing content may be triggering for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful due to its intense and disturbing nature, effectively conveying the uncomfortable situation and the characters' conflicting emotions.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of unwanted advances and taking advantage of vulnerability is effectively portrayed, creating a powerful and thought-provoking scene.

Plot: 9

The plot progression in this scene is crucial as it highlights the darker aspects of the characters and drives the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of consent and power dynamics in an intimate setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' actions and reactions in this scene reveal their true nature and add depth to their development, especially in the case of Jez and Cassandra.

Character Changes: 9

Both characters undergo a significant change in this scene, with Cassandra realizing the danger she is in and Jez being confronted with his actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely to assert her agency and boundaries in a situation where she feels vulnerable and uncomfortable. This reflects her deeper need for autonomy and respect.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate a potentially dangerous and uncomfortable situation with the other character. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in asserting her boundaries and safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict in this scene is intense and internal, as Cassandra realizes the danger she is in and Jez is confronted with his actions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces a challenging and potentially dangerous situation that is difficult to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Cassandra's safety and well-being are at risk, leading to a tense and dangerous situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the darker aspects of the characters and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations and challenges the audience's assumptions about the characters and their actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between consent and manipulation, power dynamics, and respect for personal boundaries. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about autonomy, agency, and self-worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact due to its disturbing nature and the characters' conflicting emotions, leaving a lasting impression on the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and discomfort of the situation, adding to the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of tension, discomfort, and anticipation for how the situation will unfold.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure follows the expected format for a dramatic and tense scene, with a clear build-up of tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and discomfort, showcasing the power dynamics between Jez and Cassandra. However, it risks crossing into problematic territory, as it portrays a situation that can be interpreted as non-consensual, especially given Cassandra's state of inebriation. This could alienate viewers if not handled with care.
  • Cassandra's transition from drunkenness to sobriety is abrupt and could benefit from a clearer visual or auditory cue to signify this shift. This would enhance the impact of her realization and confrontation, making it more believable and engaging for the audience.
  • Jez's character is portrayed as oblivious to Cassandra's discomfort, which is effective in illustrating his misguided intentions. However, it may be beneficial to add a moment of internal conflict for him, where he questions whether he should proceed, to add depth to his character and make the scene more nuanced.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works to create a tense atmosphere, but it could be enhanced by adding more internal thoughts or reactions from Cassandra. This would allow the audience to connect more deeply with her emotional state and heighten the stakes of the scene.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with a cut to black, but the transition could be more impactful if it included a brief moment of silence or a sound cue that emphasizes the gravity of the situation. This would leave the audience with a lingering sense of unease.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual cue or sound effect that indicates Cassandra's shift from drunkenness to sobriety, such as a sudden change in lighting or a sharp noise that snaps her back to reality.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation for Jez before he proceeds with his advances, allowing the audience to see his internal struggle and making him a more complex character.
  • Incorporate more internal dialogue or thoughts from Cassandra to provide insight into her feelings and heighten the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Explore the use of silence or a specific sound cue before the cut to black to emphasize the tension and gravity of the moment, leaving the audience with a stronger emotional impact.
  • Ensure that the portrayal of consent is clear and unambiguous, perhaps by having Cassandra assert her boundaries more forcefully before the scene escalates, to avoid any potential misinterpretation of the situation.



Scene 7 - The Morning After
EXT. STREET - DAWN
The music continues on bare feet walking down a disgusting
sidewalk- unidentified puddles and cigarette butts. A spatter
of what looks like blood hits the paving stones. As we pull
out we reveal CASSANDRA, in last night’s clothes, high heels
in one hand, “blood” running down one elbow. It is only when
we see her fully we see she is eating a breakfast hotdog.
She looks completely remorseless, calm and, honestly, pretty
cool. Whatever the hell she’s done, it’s made her feel great.

She walks past the CONSTRUCTION WORKERS who are working the
street. Someone calls out “WALK OF SHAME”.
CASSANDRA stops. She stares over at the sniggering
construction guys. They’re suddenly a little embarrassed.
She just keeps staring silently for a long while. Until, a
little spooked, they move on.

She carries on walking. Satisfied.


INT. CASSANDRA’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING
Later that morning. Silence. An ordinary, middle-class
kitchen. Too-runny eggs and the hostile sound of squeaking
cutlery on the plates. CASSANDRA has cleaned up and is poking
food around her plate. It’s like last night never happened.
Her father, STANLEY, kind and rumpled, sits opposite her,
reading the paper. Her mother, SUSAN, a woman whose
exhaustion and anxiety is horribly palpable, brings over some
coffee.

STANLEY
Didn’t hear you come in last night.
CASSANDRA continues to eat her eggs.
12




STANLEY (CONT'D)
Everything alright?
13




CASSANDRA
I had to work late.
Neither of her parents are buying this, but neither can bring
themselves to call it out.

STANLEY
The coffee shop closes at nine.
Beat.
CASSANDRA
We had to do inventory.
SUSAN comes to sit down. There’s more tense silence as they
all eat.

SUSAN
You have to do a lot of inventory at
that place. You should speak to the
manager.

CASSANDRA
I will.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Cassandra walks down a dirty sidewalk at dawn, dressed in last night's clothes and holding high heels, with blood on her elbow as she eats a hotdog. She faces mockery from construction workers but remains unfazed, causing them to look away. The scene shifts to her tense breakfast with her parents, Stanley and Susan, where they express concern over her late arrival. Cassandra maintains her story about working late, leading to an awkward silence as they eat together, highlighting the unresolved tension and strained communication within the family.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Slow pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension and unease through the interactions between the characters, setting a somber tone for the aftermath of the events that transpired the night before. The dialogue and actions reveal underlying emotions and conflicts within the family.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring the consequences of the characters' actions and the impact on their relationships is well-executed. The scene delves into the emotional aftermath of a night of questionable decisions.

Plot: 8

The plot focuses on the aftermath of the events from the previous night, revealing the internal struggles and conflicts within the family. It sets up potential developments and resolutions for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to familiar themes of guilt, shame, and family dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative, making it feel both familiar and unique.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each displaying their own internal conflicts and emotions. The interactions between them reveal the complexities of their relationships and individual struggles.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes as they navigate the aftermath of the previous night's events. Their internal conflicts and emotions drive potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a facade of normalcy and indifference despite her actions from the previous night. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance and avoidance of judgment, as well as her desire to protect her own sense of self-worth.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal in this scene is to deflect suspicion and maintain the illusion of a normal life to her family. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in dealing with the consequences of her actions from the previous night.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the tension and unease within the family dynamic. It sets up potential conflicts and resolutions for the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the character dynamics and internal struggles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, focusing on the emotional consequences of the characters' actions and the impact on their relationships. It sets up potential high stakes for future conflicts.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the emotional aftermath of the characters' actions and the potential conflicts and resolutions to come. It lays the groundwork for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations and challenges assumptions about the characters' motivations and actions, keeping the audience on edge and invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between appearance and reality, as Cassandra struggles to reconcile her outward facade with her inner turmoil and guilt. This challenges her beliefs about identity, morality, and the nature of truth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response, drawing the audience into the tension and unease within the family. The characters' internal struggles and conflicts resonate emotionally.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and unease within the family, with subtle hints at underlying emotions and conflicts. It adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively builds tension and suspense through its sharp dialogue, subtle character interactions, and underlying sense of mystery and conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of rhythm and momentum that propels the story forward while allowing for moments of reflection and introspection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that effectively advance the narrative and develop the characters.


Critique
  • The opening visual of Cassandra walking down a filthy sidewalk effectively sets the tone for her character's state of mind and the aftermath of the previous night. The contrast between her calm demeanor and the chaotic environment around her is striking and intriguing, drawing the audience into her world.
  • The use of the 'WALK OF SHAME' comment from the construction workers serves to highlight societal judgment and reinforces Cassandra's defiance. However, the scene could benefit from a deeper exploration of her internal thoughts or feelings during this moment, as it currently relies heavily on visual storytelling.
  • The transition from the street to the kitchen is jarring. While it effectively contrasts the chaos of the night before with the mundane reality of her home life, the shift could be smoother. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue (like a close-up of her shoes or the hotdog) could help bridge the two settings.
  • The dialogue between Cassandra and her parents feels realistic, capturing the tension of unspoken truths. However, it lacks emotional depth. The parents' suspicions about her night could be more pronounced, perhaps through more pointed questions or body language, to heighten the tension.
  • Cassandra's response to her father's inquiry about her late arrival feels evasive but could be more impactful if she displayed a hint of guilt or defensiveness. This would add layers to her character and make her denial more palpable.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven. The initial part with Cassandra on the street is engaging, but the kitchen segment feels slower and less dynamic. This could be improved by interspersing more action or visual interest in the kitchen, such as focusing on the parents' reactions or Cassandra's body language.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Cassandra as she walks down the street, reflecting on her feelings about the previous night. This would provide insight into her character and enhance audience connection.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements in the kitchen scene, such as close-ups of the food or the parents' expressions, to convey the tension without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Cassandra and her parents by including more pointed questions or comments that reveal their suspicions, creating a more charged atmosphere.
  • Explore Cassandra's emotional state further by showing subtle signs of her internal conflict, such as fidgeting with her food or avoiding eye contact, to convey her discomfort with the situation.
  • Smooth the transition between the street and the kitchen by using a visual cue or a brief moment of reflection that connects the two settings, reinforcing the contrast between her public and private personas.



Scene 8 - Stirring Discontent
INT. MAKE ME COFFEE SHOP - LATER
CASSANDRA sits behind the cashier’s desk of a multi-colored,
hipster coffee shop. She stares at the wall.
Her boss, GAIL, 40s, wonderful, is cleaning the coffee
machine.

GAIL
You look tired, Cassie.

CASSANDRA
Aw. Thank you, Gail!
GAIL
Want a coffee? Head office sent over
this new blend from Zanzibar to try.
It’s disgusting but really strong.
CASSANDRA
Sold.
GAIL starts to make it for her.
GAIL
You know, I was actually talking to
Graham earlier. He says there’s a
position opening up over there.
(MORE)
14



GAIL (CONT'D)
And- don’t freak out- I want you to
know I recommended you for it.
A pretty hipster girl, RUBY, comes into the shop. She waits
patiently at the register, CASSANDRA makes no attempt to
serve her.
CASSANDRA
(to GAIL)
Why did you do that?
GAIL
Because you’ve worked here for three
years, this is a summer job for a
stoned teenager, it’s not a career
move. I’m pushing you out of the
nest, honey. You’re stinking up the
place with your sad little face.
RUBY tries to interject but fails.
CASSANDRA
But I like it here!
GAIL
No you don’t.
CASSANDRA
Well, no, I don’t. But I like you.
And I like...
She gestures to RUBY.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
Working in a customer-facing role.
RUBY
Great, could I have an oat milk,
single-shot latte-
CASSANDRA
No.

RUBY storms out.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
See?
GAIL
Cassie.
CASSANDRA
Don’t ‘Cassie’ me.
I’m fine, Gail. Really.
15




GAIL looks at her, concerned.
16




GAIL
Johnny said he saw you at Fallout
last week. Said you were completely
hammered. On your own. He was
worried. Look, it’s none of my
business but-

CASSANDRA
He must have seen someone else. I’ve
never been there.
GAIL doesn’t buy this for a second. She studies CASSIE. But
she lets it go.
GAIL
Ok.

CASSIE ignores her.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a vibrant hipster coffee shop, Cassandra, feeling exhausted and unfulfilled, engages in a conversation with her boss, Gail, who encourages her to apply for a new job after recommending her for the position. Despite acknowledging her dissatisfaction, Cassandra hesitates to leave her current role. Meanwhile, a neglected customer, Ruby, grows frustrated with Cassandra's inattentiveness and leaves. Gail expresses concern for Cassandra's well-being, referencing troubling behavior, but Cassandra dismisses her worries, leaving an unresolved tension in the air.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Effective setting
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys tension and conflict through the dialogue and interactions between Cassandra and Gail. It also sets up a potential turning point for Cassandra's character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a character facing a potential career change and personal growth is engaging and relatable. The scene effectively introduces this concept through the interaction between Cassandra and Gail.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Cassandra's internal conflict regarding her job and potential career change. It sets up a significant development in her character arc.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of career choices and personal growth, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Gail are well-developed and their dynamic is compelling. Cassandra's defiance and Gail's concern create an interesting conflict.

Character Changes: 8

Cassandra experiences a moment of defiance and potential realization about her career path, setting the stage for character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal is to find fulfillment and purpose in her job, as well as to maintain her connection with Gail.

External Goal: 7.5

Cassandra's external goal is to decide whether to pursue a new job opportunity or stay in her current position.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Cassandra and Gail is palpable, adding depth to the scene and driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations driving the characters' actions and decisions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Cassandra in terms of her career and personal growth, as she faces a potential shift in her life path.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a potential turning point for Cassandra's character development and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in character decisions and the unresolved conflicts between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between Cassandra's desire for stability and comfort in her current job versus the potential for growth and change in a new opportunity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a sense of tension and concern, particularly in Cassandra's internal struggle and Gail's attempt to push her towards change.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and confrontational, effectively conveying the tension between Cassandra and Gail. It reveals important aspects of their characters and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the dynamic character interactions, witty dialogue, and underlying tension between the characters.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' dilemmas.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8.5

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and conflicts, contributing to the overall narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Cassandra's current state of mind and her relationship with Gail, but it could benefit from deeper exploration of Cassandra's internal conflict. While her dialogue suggests a reluctance to leave her current job, the reasons behind her attachment are not fully fleshed out, leaving the audience wanting more context about her emotional state.
  • The introduction of Ruby as a customer is a nice touch, but her interaction with Cassandra feels abrupt and lacks depth. It would be more impactful if Ruby's frustration was highlighted further, perhaps by giving her a line that expresses her disappointment more vividly, which would also serve to emphasize Cassandra's disengagement.
  • Gail's concern for Cassandra is evident, but the dialogue could be more nuanced. Instead of stating that Johnny saw her at Fallout, it might be more effective to show Gail's worry through her tone and body language, allowing the audience to infer the gravity of the situation without explicitly stating it.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly off, particularly in the transition from the light banter about the coffee blend to the more serious conversation about Cassandra's behavior. A smoother transition could enhance the emotional impact and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • Cassandra's denial about being at Fallout comes off as a bit too straightforward. Adding a moment of hesitation or a more defensive reaction could make her denial feel more authentic and relatable, showcasing her internal struggle.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Cassandra to provide insight into her feelings about her job and her reluctance to leave. This could help the audience connect with her character on a deeper level.
  • Expand Ruby's character by giving her a line that captures her frustration or disappointment with Cassandra's service. This would not only add depth to Ruby but also highlight Cassandra's current state of mind.
  • Show Gail's concern through her actions and expressions rather than just dialogue. For example, she could pause while cleaning the coffee machine, looking at Cassandra with worry, which would convey her feelings more subtly.
  • Smooth out the pacing by introducing a moment of silence or a change in tone before transitioning from the light-hearted coffee conversation to the serious topic of Cassandra's behavior. This could involve a visual cue, like a change in background music or a shift in lighting.
  • Make Cassandra's denial about being at Fallout more layered by incorporating a moment of vulnerability or defensiveness. This could involve her fidgeting or avoiding eye contact, which would add complexity to her character and make her struggle more relatable.



Scene 9 - A Bitter Brew
INT. MAKE ME COFFEE SHOP - LATER
Bored, CASSIE is cleaning a table at the back of the coffee
shop. Two OLDER GUYS are sitting at a table, talking,
colleagues having a coffee after work, nicely dressed- clean
shaven. Respectable.
A young teenage girl, GABBY, maybe 13 or 14, walks in and
starts looking at the pastries on the shelf. The OLDER GUYS
immediately notice, start looking over at her- she’s wearing
jean shorts. One of them, JEFF, seems particularly distracted
by her.
GABBY notices the GUYS looking at her, you can feel her
immediately shift from confidence to self-consciousness. She
tugs down her shorts, the GUYS surreptitiously watching her.
She tries to ignore them. They’re not obviously perving, but
their interest in (and awareness of) GABBY is uncomfortable.
CASSANDRA goes behind the register.
CASSANDRA
What can I get you?

GABBY
Um. A hot chocolate please.
CASSANDRA starts making it. The men are now openly staring at
GABBY, whispering.
JEFF
I’d never let my daughter go out
looking like that. Nothing to the
imagination.
17




But the way he’s looking at her is not that of a concerned
parent.
CASSANDRA glares at him. She leans forward and whispers to
GABBY.

CASSANDRA
Do you want me to freak those
fuckers out?
GABBY glances over at them.
18




GABBY
(low)
No, no! Please don’t! Please don’t
say anything. Please.
She is bright red with embarrassment. Almost in tears.

CASSANDRA
It’s alright. Don’t worry. Don’t
worry about those creeps. Fuck ‘em.
She passes GABBY her drink.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
On the house.

GABBY
(small)
Thanks.

GABBY makes her way to the door trying to keep as far from
the table as she can while the men watch, sniggering.

CASSANDRA comes over to wipe their table and- oops!- she
knocks a hot coffee into JEFF’s lap.
He leaps up.
JEFF
JESUS!
CASSANDRA
Would you look at that! Right in the
crotch!

GABBY turns and stifles a smile at CASSANDRA as she leaves.
CASSANDRA winks at her.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
Let me get you a fresh one, sir.
Hope I didn’t burn you.
He watches her go, furiously.

CUT TO:


INT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
Later, in the middle of the night. We are under CASSANDRA’s
bed. The door opens, and she creeps in, we see just her bare
feet and bruised legs. She’s dressed not unlike the girl from
the cafe, rosy cheeks and hair clips.
19




She throws her shoes on the floor. She kneels down, reaches
under her bed and takes out a little book, with a pen tucked
into it, held together with a hair tie. She opens it up at
the back.
She has been counting something. There are rows and rows of
little tally marks. The odd line in a different colored ink:
whatever this is has been going on for a while. On the
opposite side: a row of men’s names.
She adds another line. And puts in the name: “JERRY”.
Genres: ["Drama","Slice of Life"]

Summary In a coffee shop, Cassie notices Gabby, a teenage girl, feeling uncomfortable as two older men leer at her. Cassie offers Gabby a complimentary hot chocolate and expresses her desire to confront the men, but Gabby asks her not to. After Gabby leaves, Cassie retaliates by spilling coffee on one of the men, Jeff, which brings a smile to Gabby's face. The scene shifts to Cassie's bedroom, where she records the names of men in a book, hinting at a troubling pattern in her life.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Empowering themes
Weaknesses
  • Potential for triggering content
  • Uncomfortable interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and themes, with strong character interactions and a compelling narrative arc.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring objectification, empowerment, and self-perception in a slice-of-life setting is engaging and thought-provoking.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is focused on character interactions and development, with a clear progression that sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of standing up against injustice and protecting vulnerable individuals. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and undergo significant growth and challenges in the scene, particularly Cassandra and Gabby.

Character Changes: 9

Both Cassandra and Gabby undergo significant changes in the scene, facing challenges and asserting their agency in the face of adversity.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassie's internal goal in this scene is to protect and support Gabby, the young girl, in the face of uncomfortable and inappropriate behavior from the older men. This reflects Cassie's deeper desire to stand up against injustice and protect those who are vulnerable.

External Goal: 7

Cassie's external goal in this scene is to maintain a professional demeanor while dealing with the inappropriate behavior of the older men and ensuring Gabby's safety and comfort.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The scene contains interpersonal conflicts and tensions that drive the narrative forward, adding depth to the character dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Cassie faces a difficult situation where she must confront the inappropriate behavior of the older men.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not life-threatening, the emotional and personal stakes for the characters are high, driving their actions and decisions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, relationships, and character dynamics that will impact future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations by having Cassie take a bold and unexpected action to protect Gabby.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between respect for others and objectification. The older men objectify Gabby, while Cassie stands up for her and treats her with respect and kindness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from discomfort and embarrassment to empowerment and defiance, creating a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between the characters, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively captures the audience's attention with its tense and emotional interactions between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through character interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the uncomfortable dynamics of male gaze and the impact it has on young women, particularly through the character of Gabby. The contrast between the older men's behavior and Cassandra's protective instincts creates a strong emotional tension that resonates with the audience.
  • Cassandra's dialogue is sharp and assertive, showcasing her character's willingness to stand up against inappropriate behavior. However, the transition from her protective stance to the act of spilling coffee on Jeff feels slightly abrupt. While it serves as a form of retaliation, it could benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance the impact of her actions.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the description of Gabby's shift from confidence to self-consciousness. This effectively conveys the theme of objectification. However, the scene could further emphasize the contrast between the innocence of Gabby and the predatory nature of the men by incorporating more sensory details, such as the atmosphere in the coffee shop or the expressions on the men's faces.
  • The ending of the scene, where Cassandra winks at Gabby, is a nice touch that reinforces their connection. However, it might be more powerful if Cassandra's expression conveyed a mix of defiance and concern, highlighting the complexity of her emotions in that moment.
  • The transition to the next scene is somewhat jarring. While the shift to Cassandra's bedroom is intended to show her vulnerability, it could be more seamless. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects the two scenes would enhance the flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Cassandra observes the men more closely before taking action, allowing the audience to feel her internal conflict and the weight of her decision to confront them.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the coffee shop setting to create a more immersive experience for the audience. Describe the sounds, smells, and overall atmosphere to deepen the emotional impact.
  • Explore the emotional aftermath of Cassandra's actions. Perhaps include a moment where she reflects on the spill and its implications, reinforcing her character development and the consequences of standing up against inappropriate behavior.
  • Make the transition to the next scene smoother by incorporating a visual or thematic link between the coffee shop incident and Cassandra's later actions in her bedroom, such as a lingering thought or a physical reminder of the encounter.
  • Consider giving Gabby a more active role in the scene, perhaps by having her express her discomfort more explicitly or by showing her reaction to Cassandra's protective behavior, which could deepen the emotional stakes.



Scene 10 - Awkward Encounters at Make Me Coffee
INT. MAKE ME COFFEE SHOP - DAY
CASSANDRA is looking after the coffee shop, reading an old
copy of ‘Careful How You Go’ by Lily Ann Frith. She yawns.
The bell jingles and a customer comes in- she ignores it.

MAN (O.S.)
Can I get a cappuccino please?
CASSANDRA
Mmm hmm.

She looks up at her customer. He’s her age, sweet, nice-
looking. This is RYAN. She starts making his drink.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
You want chocolate?
RYAN is staring at her.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
What?

RYAN
Cassandra?
CASSANDRA stops what she’s doing.
CASSANDRA
(warily)
Yes?
RYAN
It’s Ryan Cooper. We were in the
same class together at Forrest!
Doctor Hadid’s class.
Beat.

CASSANDRA
Oh. Yeah. Ryan. Hi.
20




RYAN
(surprised)
God. What are you doing working
here?
CASSANDRA raises her eyebrows.
RYAN (CONT'D)
Wait. No. I’m so sorry. That was so
rude. I didn’t mean-
CASSANDRA
You didn’t mean what’s a promising
young woman like me doing working at
a shitty coffee shop?
RYAN
No, I didn’t mean...I just
thought...Oh man. There’s no way out
of this, is there?
CASSANDRA
Nu-uh.
RYAN
Can I go out and come back in again?
I can do better next time.
CASSANDRA
Did you want chocolate?
RYAN
What?
CASSANDRA
On your cappuccino?
RYAN
No.
(beat)
But you can spit in it if you want
to. I’d completely understand.
CASSANDRA looks him dead in the eyes and spits in it. She
hands it over. RYAN doesn’t know what to say except-
RYAN (CONT'D)
Do you want to go out sometime?
Beat.
CASSANDRA
What?
21




RYAN
On a date?
CASSANDRA
Seriously? I just spat in your
coffee.

RYAN looks her right back, and drinks it.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Cassandra, bored at her coffee shop job, engages in an awkward conversation with a customer named Ryan, who recognizes her from school. Their exchange becomes tense when Ryan inadvertently insults her job, but he surprises her by asking her out on a date despite her having just spat in his coffee. The scene blends humor and tension as Ryan drinks the coffee anyway, leaving Cassandra incredulous about his bold invitation.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-filled interaction
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Relatively contained setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of drama and romance, creating a tense yet hopeful atmosphere. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, drawing the audience into the interaction between Cassandra and Ryan.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around a chance encounter between two former classmates, leading to a sarcastic and potentially romantic interaction. The concept is engaging and sets the stage for character development.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the unexpected reunion between Cassandra and Ryan, leading to a moment of tension and potential connection. The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new dynamic to Cassandra's life.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic 'encounter with an old acquaintance' trope by infusing it with humor and tension. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Ryan are well-developed, with distinct personalities and engaging dialogue. Cassandra's cynical attitude contrasts with Ryan's sweetness, creating a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in Cassandra and Ryan's dynamic, the scene primarily focuses on establishing their initial interaction and potential connection.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to assert her independence and self-worth in the face of judgment from someone from her past. It reflects her deeper need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to navigate the awkward encounter with Ryan and maintain her composure while serving him coffee. It reflects the immediate challenge of confronting her past and present circumstances.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from the tension between Cassandra and Ryan as they navigate their past interactions and potential romantic connection.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Cassandra and Ryan navigate their conflicting perceptions and expectations, creating a sense of uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are moderate, primarily revolving around the potential romantic connection between Cassandra and Ryan. The outcome of their interaction could have implications for their future relationship.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new subplot involving Cassandra and Ryan, adding depth to Cassandra's character and setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as Cassandra spitting in Ryan's coffee and his surprising reaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between societal expectations and personal identity. Cassandra challenges Ryan's assumptions about her worth based on her job, highlighting the importance of self-respect and individual agency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, blending cynicism with hopefulness in the interaction between Cassandra and Ryan. The conflicting emotions of the characters resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, sarcastic, and filled with tension, reflecting the complex relationship between Cassandra and Ryan. The dialogue drives the scene forward and reveals important aspects of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and the underlying tension between Cassandra and Ryan.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the interaction between Cassandra and Ryan.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the standard screenplay format for dialogue and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-driven interaction in a coffee shop setting. It effectively builds tension and character development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness of a reunion between Cassandra and Ryan, showcasing their shared history and the tension that arises from Cassandra's current situation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, Ryan's surprise at Cassandra's job could hint at his own insecurities or assumptions about success, which would add layers to their interaction.
  • Cassandra's reaction to Ryan's comment about her job is sharp and humorous, but it also risks making her seem overly defensive without a clear reason. This could alienate the audience from her character. Providing a brief moment of vulnerability or reflection before her retort could make her more relatable and complex.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from their initial awkwardness to the proposal of a date. A few more beats of hesitation or internal conflict from Cassandra could enhance the tension and make her eventual acceptance of the date feel more earned.
  • The visual elements of the coffee shop setting are not fully utilized. Describing the environment in more detail could enhance the mood and reflect Cassandra's state of mind. For example, mentioning the cluttered counter or the hipster decor could serve as a metaphor for her chaotic life.
  • The humor in the scene is effective, but it could be balanced with moments of sincerity. As it stands, the comedic elements overshadow the potential for deeper emotional resonance. Incorporating a moment where Cassandra reflects on her life choices or expresses a fleeting desire for change could create a more poignant contrast.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a shared look between Cassandra and Ryan after he recognizes her, allowing the audience to feel the weight of their past connection before diving into the dialogue.
  • Introduce a brief flashback or internal monologue for Cassandra that reflects on her past aspirations versus her current reality, which could provide context for her defensiveness and enhance audience empathy.
  • Extend the dialogue to include more playful banter that reveals their personalities and history, allowing the audience to see the chemistry between them while also highlighting Cassandra's struggles.
  • Enhance the setting description to reflect Cassandra's emotional state, perhaps by contrasting the vibrant coffee shop with her own feelings of stagnation and disappointment.
  • Incorporate a moment where Cassandra hesitates before accepting the date, perhaps reflecting on her recent experiences or her feelings about dating in general, to add depth to her character arc.



Scene 11 - Rebel Glam: A Lipstick Defiance
INT. CASSANDRA’S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
CASSANDRA is putting on make-up in the mirror. She’s wearing
a tight slogan t-shirt, plaid shirt and tight jeans. Fake
lip-ring. The deadpan hipster dream girl. Her laptop is open,
and she is following a babbling make-up tutorial on youtube.

MAKE UP VLOGGER
OK so you just line your lips like
so. You always want your liner to be
darker than your gloss.
CASSANDRA lines her lips in porno pink.

MAKE UP VLOGGER (CONT'D)
Wonderful. Now add the gloss. I like
to use the cheaper glosses and save
the money for my highlighter and
base...

CASSANDRA puts on a pastel gloss.
MAKE UP VLOGGER (CONT'D)
And voila! The perfect Blow Job
Lips!
CASSANDRA looks at her reflection. She looks hot in a
highlighted, feather-eyed, Instagram way.
She takes her thumb to her lips and smudges the meticulously-
applied lipstick all round her mouth.
CUT TO:


OMITTED
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In her bedroom at night, CASSANDRA follows a YouTube makeup tutorial to achieve a trendy look, meticulously applying bright pink lipstick and pastel gloss. However, in a playful act of rebellion, she smudges the lipstick around her mouth, contrasting her polished appearance with a chaotic twist. This internal conflict highlights her struggle between conforming to beauty standards and expressing her individuality, culminating in a messy yet bold statement.
Strengths
  • Effective character development
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Compelling themes
Weaknesses
  • Pacing issues in certain moments
  • Lack of clarity in plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively captures the internal turmoil and external pressures faced by Cassandra, providing depth to her character and setting up potential conflicts. However, some elements could be further developed to enhance the emotional impact and storytelling.


Story Content

Concept: 7.5

The concept of exploring Cassandra's internal conflict and external pressures is compelling and sets up potential storylines for future development. The scene effectively introduces key themes and character dynamics.

Plot: 7.2

The plot progression in the scene is focused on character development and setting up conflicts, which is essential for future storytelling. However, there could be more clarity in how the plot threads are connected and developed.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the beauty industry and social media influence, with authentic dialogue and actions that challenge traditional beauty standards.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Cassandra, are well-defined and show depth in their interactions and emotions. The scene effectively establishes their personalities and motivations, setting up potential arcs for growth and conflict.

Character Changes: 8

Cassandra undergoes subtle changes in the scene, from her initial appearance to her interactions with others, showcasing her internal conflict and growth. The scene sets up potential character arcs and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to achieve a certain look that she finds attractive and desirable. This reflects her deeper need for validation and self-confidence.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to follow the make-up tutorial and recreate the look she sees on the screen. This reflects the immediate challenge of achieving a specific beauty standard.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The level of conflict in the scene is moderate, with tensions arising from Cassandra's internal struggles and external pressures. The conflicts set up potential storylines and character development, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Cassandra facing internal and external challenges related to beauty standards and self-expression.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderate, with tensions arising from Cassandra's internal struggles and external pressures. The potential conflicts and character dynamics set up higher stakes for future developments.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key conflicts, character dynamics, and themes that will drive future plot developments. However, there could be more clarity in how the narrative progresses from this point.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because Cassandra's actions subvert expectations and challenge traditional beauty norms.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the pressure to conform to societal beauty standards versus individual self-expression. Cassandra's actions challenge the idea of perfection and embrace imperfection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of tension and introspection that resonate with the audience. The emotional depth of Cassandra's struggles and interactions adds complexity to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7.2

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tensions and emotions of the characters, adding depth to their interactions. However, there are moments where the dialogue could be more impactful and nuanced.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with relatable themes and humorous dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue format.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, fitting the expected format for a character-driven scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Cassandra's character as a hipster who is both self-aware and playful. The use of a makeup tutorial as a framing device allows for a humorous contrast between the idealized beauty standards presented and Cassandra's eventual defiance of those standards by smudging her lipstick. This moment serves as a metaphor for her chaotic life and the struggle between societal expectations and personal identity.
  • The dialogue from the makeup vlogger is cleverly written to reflect the absurdity of beauty culture, which aligns well with Cassandra's character. However, the scene could benefit from a bit more internal monologue or visual cues that reveal Cassandra's thoughts or feelings about the makeup process, enhancing the audience's connection to her emotional state.
  • The transition from the makeup application to the smudging of the lipstick is visually striking, but it could be more impactful if there were a brief moment of hesitation before she smudges it. This could emphasize her internal conflict and the weight of her decision to rebel against the polished image she just created.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional arc. While it showcases Cassandra's playful side, it doesn't delve deeply into her motivations or feelings at this moment. Adding a layer of emotional depth could make the scene resonate more with the audience, perhaps by hinting at her insecurities or frustrations with her current life situation.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be tightened by reducing some of the vlogger's dialogue. The focus should remain on Cassandra's actions and reactions rather than the tutorial itself, which can feel a bit drawn out.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or visual flashbacks that reflect Cassandra's thoughts about beauty standards or her past experiences with makeup, which could deepen the audience's understanding of her character.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation before Cassandra smudges her lipstick to highlight her internal conflict and make the act of rebellion more poignant.
  • Tighten the dialogue from the makeup vlogger to keep the focus on Cassandra's emotional journey rather than the tutorial details, allowing for a more streamlined and impactful scene.
  • Explore Cassandra's emotional state further by incorporating subtle visual cues or expressions that convey her feelings about her appearance and the pressures she faces, enhancing the scene's emotional depth.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive emotional beat or visual cue that leaves the audience with a stronger impression of Cassandra's mindset, setting the stage for her next actions.



Scene 12 - Uncomfortable Encounters
INT. NEIL’S APARTMENT - LATER
CASSANDRA sits precariously on the couch of a small, hipster
apartment. The decorating style is Lit-Student-chic: a poster
of a french movie, paperbacks stacked everywhere.
22




A record by the record player: “Jeau Dangereux” by Clarice
Bisset. A guitar. A dream catcher.
A breathy girl is singing Enrique Iglesias’ “Hero” in Spanish
on LP. NEIL, a pretentious 30-something who absolutely
describes himself as a “renaissance man”, racks up lines on a
glass table. CASSANDRA watches him.
NEIL
Seriously, you need to read it.
‘Consider The Lobster’ is one of the
fucking greats, man. Cracked my head
open...like...like a lobster claw.
He is momentarily awed by his own perceptiveness.

He takes a snort of coke.
NEIL (CONT'D)
You know I’m writing a novel. Well,
uh, kinda. I’m a perfectionist, you
know, it’s just taking forever. I
keep going over and over and over
it. Picking at it like a scab. It’s
about, I guess, what it is to be a
guy right now? Like, how to be a guy
in this world? Kinda a fucked-up,
dirty, low-life, love story. It’s
all set in New York over the course
of one night and it’s all, like,
interwoven first person strands
which...
CASSANDRA stares at him, glassy eyed.

NEIL (CONT'D)
You know what. I shouldn’t talk
about it. Don’t want to jinx it!
(beat)
You do coke, right?
CASSANDRA
Not really...

NEIL
Oh come on!

CASSANDRA
I got work in the morning...
NEIL
Eh. So do I.
23




He scrapes the coke onto a record and brings it over to her,
he gently sicks the note in her nostril. She looks at him,
unsure. Then after a moment, snorts a line messily.
NEIL (CONT'D)
Hey! You missed most of it, silly!

He licks his finger, getting the bits she missed and rubs it
in her gums. CASSANDRA stares at him as he does this. We have
the feeling she might bite his finger off. NEIL doesn’t
notice.
NEIL (CONT'D)
Yum. There you are.
He moves her hair from her face and looks at her.

NEIL (CONT'D)
You’re so, so pretty. Why are you
wearing all that make up? Do you
mind me asking that?
(not waiting for a
response)
I never understood why girls wear so
much make up. You all look way more
beautiful without it, you know? I
just feel like women feel so much
pressure to look a certain way now.
All the extensions and fake
eyelashes and porno nails. It’s
like, guys don’t even like it, you
know? It’s just a soul-sucking
system designed to oppress women.
(another line of coke)
I wanna see you. The real you. All
your freckles and imperfections.
He kisses her nose. She doesn’t respond. But we can see she
is a whisper from tearing his face off. Finally-
CASSANDRA
I don’t feel good. Could you get me
a glass of water?

He looks at her for a sec.

NEIL
(frustrated)
Sure.
24
Genres: ["Drama","Indie"]

Summary In Neil's cluttered hipster apartment, Cassandra finds herself in an increasingly tense situation as Neil, a self-absorbed writer, discusses his ambitions while using cocaine. He pressures her to join him, and despite her hesitation, she reluctantly tries it. As Neil makes unwanted advances, complimenting her looks and pushing for intimacy, Cassandra grows uncomfortable and ultimately asks for a glass of water, signaling her desire to distance herself from the invasive atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Effective dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Unsettling nature of the interaction may be off-putting for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a dark and uncomfortable atmosphere, with strong character dynamics and tension. However, the unsettling nature of the interaction may be off-putting for some viewers.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring power dynamics and manipulation in a dark and uncomfortable setting is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and the scene.

Plot: 7.5

The plot progression in the scene focuses more on character dynamics and tension rather than advancing the overall story. However, it adds depth to the characters involved.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations such as the protagonist's pretentious behavior, Cassandra's ambiguous reactions, and the underlying tension between them. The dialogue feels authentic and reflects contemporary societal issues.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Neil are well-developed, with complex motivations and interactions that drive the scene forward. Their dynamic adds depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Cassandra experiences a shift in her perception of Neil and her own boundaries, leading to a moment of realization and discomfort.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to impress Cassandra with his intellect, creativity, and perception. This reflects his deeper need for validation, admiration, and a sense of superiority.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to engage Cassandra in conversation and potentially romantic interaction. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their drug-fueled encounter.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Cassandra and Neil is palpable, adding tension and discomfort to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, power struggles, and unresolved tension between the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around power dynamics, manipulation, and discomfort, creating a tense and unsettling atmosphere.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene focuses more on character dynamics than advancing the overall story, it adds depth to the narrative and sets up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters, the unexpected reactions, and the unresolved tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's superficial understanding of gender dynamics and societal pressures on women, contrasted with Cassandra's potential inner turmoil and resistance to his objectifying behavior.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, creating a sense of unease and discomfort through the interactions between the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the power dynamics and discomfort between Cassandra and Neil, adding to the tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between the characters, the tension in their interactions, and the unpredictability of their relationship.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating tension, building suspense, and allowing for character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 7

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue-driven interactions, and a gradual build-up of tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Neil's pretentiousness and Cassandra's discomfort, but it could benefit from more subtlety in their interactions. Neil's dialogue is overly verbose and self-indulgent, which can detract from the tension. Consider tightening his monologue to maintain the audience's engagement and to better reflect Cassandra's growing unease.
  • Cassandra's character is portrayed as passive in this scene, which may not resonate well with audiences who prefer more active protagonists. While her discomfort is palpable, giving her a stronger reaction or a more defined internal conflict could enhance her character development and make her more relatable.
  • The dialogue between Neil and Cassandra lacks a natural flow at times. Neil's abrupt transitions from discussing his writing to offering drugs feel jarring. This could be improved by incorporating more back-and-forth dialogue that reflects their dynamic, allowing Cassandra to push back against Neil's advances more effectively.
  • The visual elements of the scene are strong, with the hipster apartment setting and the music choice adding to the atmosphere. However, the description could be more vivid to create a stronger sense of place. For example, detailing the clutter or the specific items in the apartment could enhance the reader's immersion.
  • The moment where Neil rubs the leftover cocaine into Cassandra's gums is unsettling and could be interpreted as crossing a line. While this is likely intentional to showcase Neil's disregard for Cassandra's autonomy, it may alienate some viewers. Consider how this action aligns with the overall tone of the film and whether it serves the narrative effectively.
Suggestions
  • Revise Neil's monologue to be more concise, focusing on key phrases that reveal his character without overwhelming the audience. This will help maintain tension and keep the scene engaging.
  • Give Cassandra a more active role in the conversation. Allow her to express her discomfort more explicitly or challenge Neil's views, which would add depth to her character and create a more dynamic interaction.
  • Incorporate more natural dialogue exchanges between Neil and Cassandra. This could involve Cassandra asking questions or making sarcastic comments that reflect her skepticism about Neil's pretentiousness.
  • Enhance the visual description of Neil's apartment to create a more vivid setting. Consider including specific details about the decor, lighting, and atmosphere that reflect both Neil's character and the mood of the scene.
  • Reassess the implications of Neil's actions towards Cassandra. If the intention is to highlight his predatory behavior, ensure that this is balanced with Cassandra's agency and response to maintain audience empathy for her character.



Scene 13 - Confrontation of Boundaries
INT. NEIL'S APARTMENT - LATER
A few minutes later and NEIL is bringing back a glass of
water. CASSANDRA is passed out face down on the couch.
He looks at her, sleeping. He’s kind of annoyed. Then-

He nudges her.
NEIL
(gentle)
Hey.
She stirs.
NEIL (CONT'D)
(louder)
Hey!

She wakes.
NEIL (CONT'D)
(quiet again, sappy)
There you are! Hi. You fell asleep.

He gives her the water, she drinks it.
NEIL (CONT'D)
Good girl.

He takes the glass from her hand. Strokes her back.
NEIL (CONT'D)
Feel better?

CASSANDRA
No.
NEIL
You know, I nearly didn’t come out
tonight. I’m so glad I did. I feel
such a connection to you.

CASSANDRA
Could you call me a cab?

NEIL
You just got here!
CASSANDRA
I should go.
25




NEIL
Don’t go...come on...we’re having
fun, aren’t we?
He kisses her gently.

CASSANDRA
I...
NEIL
We can play hooky tomorrow, stay in
bed all day. I’ll make you
breakfast... Eggs Benedict. I make
my own...
(French pronunciation)
...hollandaise.

He kisses her neck. She is rigid. He ignores it.

NEIL (CONT'D)
You are so amazing.

His hand moves up her leg.

CASSANDRA
I need to go...
NEIL
(kissing)
You don’t wanna go home. C’mon.
His hand is up her skirt.
She drops the act.

CASSANDRA
Hey. Neil.
He ignores her. She grabs his face and stares into his eyes.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
I said: I need to go home.

NEIL stares at her for a second and then jumps away from her.
NEIL
Holy shit!
He’s practically on the other side of the room.
CASSANDRA
What?
26




NEIL
Woah. What...what is this? Are you
some kind of psycho or something?
CASSANDRA
Why d’you say that?

NEIL
I thought you were...
CASSANDRA
Drunk?
NEIL
Yeah!

CASSANDRA
Really drunk?

He falters a little here.
NEIL
I guess...yeah.

CASSANDRA
Well, I’m not. But that’s good,
isn’t it?
NEIL is starting to panic.

NEIL
You should leave.
CASSANDRA
Oh now you want me to leave?
NEIL
No I...Look I’m really high. Like.
Really high. I don’t know what I’m
doing. You should go.
She walks towards him. He backs away from her.
CASSANDRA
I mean, a second ago you were
determined for me to stay. Pretty
insistent actually.
NEIL
(begging)
I’m a nice guy-
CASSANDRA
Are you?
27




BEAT.
28




NEIL
I thought we had a connection, I
guess.
CASSANDRA
A connection? OK. What do I do for a
living?
No response.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
Sorry. Maybe that one’s too hard.
How old am I? How long have I lived
in the city? What are my hobbies?
(beat)
What’s my name?

NEIL cannot answer.

CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
You’re right! This connection is
electric!
(beat)
Of course, I know all about you.
Your mom, your sister, your job at a
digital marketing agency which it
sounds like you completely suck at,
by the way, and, oh yeah...
(she stifles a smile)
Your novel. Good luck with that,
sounds like a winner. About a guy.
And set in New York? Woah.
NEIL
ALRIGHT. Alright. Fuck. I take your
point. What do you want from me? To
say I’m an asshole? Fine, I’m an
asshole.
CASSANDRA
Why are you so freaked out, Neil?
Wow. You really need to calm down.

She keeps coming closer. He’s scared.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
At least you didn’t try to have sex
with me while I was passed out. You
do get points for that. I want you
to be proud of yourself. A few
guys...eh they don’t mind so much.
But you, you woke me up before
putting your fingers inside me. That
was sweet.
29




NEIL
What are you saying, that I’m some
kind of...predator?
CASSANDRA
I don’t know. Are you?

BEAT.
NEIL
(small)
I’m a nice guy.
CASSANDRA
(kind)
You keep saying that. And there are
plenty of nice guys just like you.
You’re not as rare as you’d think.
You know how I know?

NEIL
No.

CASSANDRA
Because every week I go to a club.
And every week I act like I’m too
drunk to stand. And Every. Fucking.
Week. A nice guy just like you comes
over to see if I’m ok.

NEIL is silent.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
You wanna fuck me still?

NEIL
(lip wobbling)
No thank you.
CASSANDRA
Huh. No one ever does.
She opens his front door. Then-

CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
This music is terrible. Only a drunk
person would have sex to this music.
She leaves. NEIL leans against the wall, shaking. His Spanish
LP playing softly in the background.
30
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Neil's apartment, he finds Cassandra passed out on the couch and attempts to connect with her by offering water. Despite his efforts, Cassandra insists on leaving, challenging Neil's assumptions about their relationship and asserting her boundaries. As the tension escalates, she confronts him about his behavior and the predatory nature of 'nice guys.' Ultimately, Cassandra leaves after criticizing the music, leaving Neil shaken and alone.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Exploration of complex themes
  • Powerful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Unsettling subject matter

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful due to its intense and uncomfortable tone, the strong character dynamics, and the exploration of important themes. The confrontation between Cassandra and Neil is well-executed and keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of exploring issues of consent, manipulation, and power dynamics in a confrontational scene is compelling and thought-provoking. The scene effectively challenges traditional narratives and expectations.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly through the interaction between Cassandra and Neil, revealing important character dynamics and setting up future conflicts. The scene adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and authentic take on the dynamics of consent, boundaries, and social interactions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel realistic and nuanced, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.3

The characters of Cassandra and Neil are well-developed and complex, with their motivations and actions driving the scene forward. Their interactions reveal layers of their personalities and create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 9

Both Cassandra and Neil undergo significant changes during the scene, with Cassandra asserting her agency and confronting Neil's predatory behavior, while Neil is forced to confront his actions and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with the other character emotionally and potentially engage in a romantic or intimate relationship. This reflects his desire for companionship and validation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to keep the other character in his apartment and potentially engage in sexual activity. This reflects his immediate desire for physical intimacy and validation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.6

The conflict in the scene is intense and multifaceted, driven by the power struggle between Cassandra and Neil. The confrontation escalates the tension and keeps the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations between the characters. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome and the resolution of the conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as Cassandra confronts Neil's predatory behavior and asserts her agency. The outcome of their interaction has significant implications for the characters and the overall narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important character dynamics, setting up future conflicts, and deepening the overall narrative. It adds complexity and depth to the plot.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, the unexpected revelations about the characters, and the surprising turns in the interaction. The audience is kept on edge and unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around consent, boundaries, and the nature of relationships. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about his own behavior and the expectations of others in social interactions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.3

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, discomfort, and defiance in the audience. The intense interactions between the characters create a powerful emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 9.1

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, intense, and impactful, effectively conveying the tension and power dynamics between Cassandra and Neil. The exchanges between the characters drive the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional dynamics between the characters, the escalating tension, and the unexpected twists in the interaction. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic moment of confrontation. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional impact of the dialogue and actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a natural progression of tension and conflict, leading to a climactic moment of realization and confrontation. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Cassandra and Neil, showcasing Cassandra's assertiveness and Neil's discomfort. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, Neil's initial charm feels somewhat forced, which could be improved by making his attempts at connection more nuanced, revealing his desperation rather than just his annoyance.
  • Cassandra's character is strong and assertive, but her motivations could be clearer. While she confronts Neil about his behavior, it would be more impactful if we understood her emotional state better. Adding internal thoughts or flashbacks could deepen her character and provide context for her actions.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven at times. The transition from flirtation to confrontation could be smoother. Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain a consistent rhythm, ensuring that the tension builds more organically.
  • Neil's reaction to Cassandra's assertiveness is pivotal, but it could be more pronounced. His panic feels somewhat abrupt; a gradual escalation of his fear could heighten the tension. This would also allow the audience to feel the shift in power dynamics more acutely.
  • The ending, where Cassandra leaves and critiques the music, is a strong moment, but it could be enhanced by a more definitive action or statement that encapsulates her empowerment. This would leave the audience with a stronger impression of her character's journey.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Neil's dialogue to reveal his desperation and insecurity, making him a more complex character.
  • Incorporate internal thoughts or flashbacks for Cassandra to provide context for her assertiveness and emotional state, enhancing her character depth.
  • Tighten the dialogue to improve pacing and ensure a smoother transition from flirtation to confrontation, maintaining consistent tension throughout the scene.
  • Gradually escalate Neil's panic to create a more pronounced reaction to Cassandra's assertiveness, allowing the audience to feel the shift in power dynamics.
  • Enhance the ending by giving Cassandra a more definitive action or statement that encapsulates her empowerment, leaving a stronger impression of her character's journey.



Scene 14 - A Birthday Unremembered
INT. CASSANDRA’S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
CASSANDRA adds a little line to her book. Writes the name
“Neil”. She sighs. All those names. She looks over at a
picture on her bedside table. Two young girls hugging each
other. She smiles.
CASSANDRA
Night, Nina.
She turns out the light.

INT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING
CASSANDRA arrives at breakfast. STANLEY is reading the paper
silently, SUSAN is eating neatly. There’s a large, neatly
wrapped present in CASSANDRA’S place. She looks at her
father: nothing.
CASSANDRA
What’s this?
Silence.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
Mom, what’s this?
SUSAN
What do you mean?
CASSANDRA
This gift!
Beat.
SUSAN
It’s your birthday, Cassie.
CASSANDRA had completely forgotten.
CASSANDRA
Oh... yeah.
There is a tense silence. SUSAN is suddenly on the verge of
tears.
STANLEY
(gentle, to SUSAN)
Hey...
SUSAN
What kind of person forgets their
30th birthday?
31




STANLEY
Sweetheart-
32




SUSAN
Don’t, Stanley.
CASSANDRA
It was a mistake, Mom. You know I’m
terrible with dates. It’s not a big
deal.
SUSAN
Not a big deal? Not a big deal. You
just forgot your birthday! Not a big
deal. Ok! You don’t want to have a
party? Don’t want to see your
friends?
CASSANDRA
(dry)
You know I don’t have any friends,
Mom.

SUSAN
Don’t joke about it! You know how
strange that is? You still living at
home, working in that stupid coffee
shop? Out all hours of the night
doing god only knows what. No
boyfriend. No friends.
CASSANDRA
Mom! You should have saved all this
for my birthday card!
STANLEY
Let the kid celebrate how she wants
to-
SUSAN
Celebrate! Is this a celebration?
(beat)
My friends all ask about you and I
don’t know what to tell them. All
their children are getting married,
having kids. I don’t know what
happened...
A tense silence. They all know what happened.

STANLEY
Why don’t you open your gift, honey?
CASSANDRA calmly opens her present. It is a large, beautiful
suitcase.
33
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Cassandra reflects on her life at night, writing the name 'Neil' in her book and looking at a childhood photo. The next morning, she discovers it's her 30th birthday, leading to a tense breakfast with her parents, Stanley and Susan. Susan expresses disappointment in Cassandra's life choices, igniting a confrontation about her lack of friends and independence. Despite Cassandra's attempts to downplay the situation, the emotional tension escalates. Stanley tries to mediate, suggesting she open her gift, which turns out to be a large suitcase, symbolizing both a present and a potential escape from her current life.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional tension and complexity of Cassandra's relationship with her parents, providing insight into her character and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Cassandra's forgotten birthday and the ensuing confrontation with her parents is compelling and adds depth to her character. It sets the stage for further development and conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot focuses on the emotional dynamics within Cassandra's family, revealing tensions and unresolved issues. It advances the character development and hints at potential future conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar family conflict but adds depth through nuanced character interactions and emotional revelations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Cassandra and her parents, are well-developed and complex. Their interactions reveal layers of emotion and history, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Cassandra undergoes a subtle internal change as she confronts her forgotten birthday and her parents' disappointment. This experience may lead to further character development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to navigate her strained relationship with her mother and come to terms with her own feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance and understanding.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal in this scene is to understand the significance of the gift she received and to manage the conflict with her mother. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with her forgotten birthday and her mother's disappointment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Cassandra's feelings of alienation and her parents' disappointment. It sets the stage for potential external conflicts in the future.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and viewpoints creating a sense of uncertainty and tension for the characters.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on Cassandra's sense of alienation and her parents' disappointment. While personal and internal, these stakes have the potential to impact future events.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides insight into Cassandra's character and family dynamics, setting the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions. It moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional outbursts and revelations that challenge the characters' relationships and beliefs.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between societal expectations of success and fulfillment (marriage, children, career) and Cassandra's own choices and circumstances. This challenges Cassandra's beliefs about her worth and place in the world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, sadness, and regret. It delves into the complexities of family relationships and personal struggles, resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotions between the characters, providing insight into their relationships and inner thoughts. It enhances the authenticity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and relatable family dynamics that draw the audience into the characters' conflicts and struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact through well-timed dialogue exchanges and character reactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to standard screenplay conventions, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a domestic drama, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue exchanges.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Cassandra and her mother, Susan, highlighting the strained family dynamics. However, the dialogue can feel a bit on-the-nose at times, particularly Susan's lines about Cassandra's life choices. This could be softened or made more subtle to enhance the realism of the conversation.
  • Cassandra's reaction to forgetting her birthday is relatable, but the scene could benefit from a deeper exploration of her emotional state. Instead of just a sigh and a dry comment, consider adding a moment of reflection or a flashback that illustrates her feelings about turning 30 and her current life situation.
  • The use of the suitcase as a birthday gift is a strong visual metaphor for Cassandra's desire for escape or change. However, the scene could be enhanced by showing Cassandra's reaction to the suitcase more vividly—perhaps she hesitates before opening it, or her expression shifts from confusion to realization, which would add depth to her character's internal conflict.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, especially in the transition from the bedroom to the kitchen. A brief moment of silence or a visual cue (like Cassandra taking a deep breath) could help to build tension before the family breakfast scene begins.
  • The dialogue between Stanley and Susan could be more nuanced. Instead of having Stanley simply defend Cassandra, consider giving him a line that acknowledges Susan's concerns while also supporting Cassandra, which would add complexity to his character and the family dynamic.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Cassandra reflects on her life choices before entering the kitchen, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that shows her emotional state.
  • Enhance the metaphor of the suitcase by showing Cassandra's reaction to it more vividly, perhaps through her body language or a moment of hesitation before she opens it.
  • Soften Susan's dialogue to make it feel more natural and less like a list of complaints. This could involve using more indirect language or expressing her concerns through questions rather than accusations.
  • Introduce a brief moment of silence or a visual cue to build tension before the family breakfast scene, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation.
  • Add complexity to Stanley's character by giving him a line that acknowledges Susan's concerns while also supporting Cassandra, creating a more balanced family dynamic.



Scene 15 - Unpacking Choices
INT. MAKE ME COFFEE SHOP - AFTERNOON
CASSANDRA and GAIL are unpacking boxes.
GAIL
Woah.

CASSANDRA
Yeah.
GAIL
That’s direct.
CASSANDRA
A reeeal kick in the cunt.

GAIL
Is it a nice suitcase, at least?

CASSANDRA
Oh yeah it’s definitely the fanciest
“get the fuck out of our house”
metaphor I’ve received so far.

Beat.
GAIL
Then why don’t you?

CASSANDRA
What?
GAIL
Get out of their house? Just...I
don’t know...go on Zillow, or Single
White Female some girl, or get a
basement room in a weird guy’s
house. Anything!
CASSANDRA
I can’t afford it, Gail. Not on what
you pay me. Not even a weird guy’s
basement.

GAIL
So take this other job then. Take
any job.
CASSANDRA
Are you firing me?
GAIL
Maybe I should.
34




Beat.
35




CASSANDRA
Look. You’re making the assumption
that I want any of it. If I wanted a
boyfriend and a yoga class and a
house and kids and a job my mom
could brag about I’d have done it.
You don’t think I could walk into
any bar in this city wearing an
adorable floral dress and get all
that for myself? It would take me
ten minutes. I don’t want it.
GAIL
But you must want something?
Beat.

Suddenly, the door opens. RYAN walks into the coffee shop.

CASSANDRA
Oh. You. Hi.

RYAN
Hey. Cappuccino please. Hold the
spit.
GAIL watches, intrigued.
RYAN (CONT'D)
So I just wanted to come in because
I think you gave me a fake number
the other day.
Beat.

CASSANDRA
That doesn’t sound like me.
RYAN
Which meant that I spent hours
composing a witty, romantic text and
sent it to a oil rig worker called
Red.

CASSANDRA
Was he into it?

RYAN
Surprisingly into it. But we
couldn’t make it work because of,
y’know, the oil rig so...I thought
I’d try you again.
36




GAIL
Oh! Did I just hear the phone ring
in the back?
CASSANDRA
No.

GAIL
Yup. I’m sure I did.
GAIL goes out back.
CASSANDRA
She has to take a few imaginary
calls a day.

RYAN
Look, I don’t want to bother you so
if you’re not into this then I
totally get it.
CASSANDRA
I’m not really looking to date
anyone at the moment.

RYAN
Ok. Fair enough.
(then-)
Can I tempt you into a friendship
with a man who is secretly pining
after you?
CASSANDRA laughs.

RYAN (CONT'D)
Dating is horrible. Everyone is
horrible. I went to dinner with a
woman last month who wanted to
euthanize the homeless.
CASSANDRA
You went on a date with my mom?

RYAN
I like you. I can’t stop thinking
about you spitting in my coffee.
Have lunch with me this weekend.
Please. If you hate it we can have a
safe word and you can leave, no
questions asked.
CASSANDRA considers it.
37
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a coffee shop, Cassandra and Gail unpack boxes while discussing Cassandra's recent eviction and her aversion to a conventional lifestyle. Gail urges her to find a job to secure a new place, but Cassandra resists the idea. Their conversation takes a humorous turn when Ryan confronts Cassandra about a fake number she gave him, leading to a lighthearted exchange where he asks her out for lunch. The scene captures Cassandra's internal conflict and ends with her contemplating Ryan's invitation.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external action
  • Limited physical movement

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written with sharp dialogue that reveals the inner conflict of the characters. It effectively sets up tension and potential development for Cassandra's character. The introduction of Ryan adds a new dynamic to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around Cassandra's resistance to societal expectations and her struggle to find her own path. The introduction of Ryan adds a new layer of complexity to her character development.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Cassandra navigates her personal and professional challenges, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions. The introduction of Ryan hints at future developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the theme of independence and non-conformity, presenting characters who challenge societal norms and expectations in a humorous and relatable way. The dialogue feels authentic and original, capturing the complexities of modern relationships and personal desires.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with Cassandra portrayed as defiant and independent, while Gail serves as a contrasting voice of reason. Ryan adds a new dimension to the scene, sparking interest and potential growth for Cassandra.

Character Changes: 7

Cassandra shows signs of potential growth and change as she navigates her personal and professional challenges. The introduction of Ryan hints at a shift in her perspective.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal is to assert her independence and reject societal norms and expectations. She wants to make it clear that she doesn't conform to traditional ideas of success and happiness.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to navigate her relationships and potential romantic interests, specifically with Ryan. She is hesitant to engage in dating but open to the idea of friendship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more internal, focusing on Cassandra's struggle with societal expectations and her own desires. The introduction of Ryan adds a potential romantic conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong but not overwhelming, adding tension and conflict to the character interactions without overshadowing the main themes and goals.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are more personal and internal, focusing on Cassandra's choices and struggles. The introduction of Ryan adds a potential romantic interest.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new dynamics and conflicts for Cassandra to navigate. It sets up future developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes by the characters' witty banter and shifting dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around societal expectations versus personal desires. Cassandra challenges the idea that she needs a boyfriend, a yoga class, a house, and kids to be happy, emphasizing her desire for independence and non-conformity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of defiance, hope, and awkwardness, resonating with the audience on a personal and relatable level.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and revealing, capturing the essence of the characters and their internal struggles. It drives the scene forward and sets up future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and relatable themes of independence and non-conformity. The humor and tension between the characters keep the audience invested in the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor, with well-timed beats and pauses that enhance the character interactions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character cues and scene descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear character interactions and progression of the narrative. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Cassandra and Gail effectively establishes the tension surrounding Cassandra's living situation and her reluctance to conform to societal expectations. However, the scene could benefit from deeper exploration of Cassandra's internal conflict regarding her choices and her relationship with her family. This would add emotional weight to her interactions.
  • Cassandra's sarcastic remarks about the suitcase serve as a clever metaphor for her situation, but the humor may overshadow the underlying pain she feels about her circumstances. Balancing humor with a more poignant reflection on her feelings could enhance the scene's emotional depth.
  • The introduction of Ryan feels somewhat abrupt, as it shifts the focus from the serious conversation between Cassandra and Gail to a lighter, flirtatious exchange. While this contrast can be effective, it may disrupt the flow of the scene. A smoother transition or a more gradual introduction of Ryan could help maintain the scene's momentum.
  • Gail's character serves as a catalyst for Cassandra's self-reflection, but her motivations and background could be fleshed out further. Providing more context about Gail's own experiences or struggles could create a richer dynamic between the two characters and enhance the thematic elements of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but there are moments where the beats could be tightened to maintain engagement. For instance, some of the dialogue exchanges could be more concise, allowing for quicker back-and-forth that reflects the urgency of Cassandra's situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Cassandra that reveals her true feelings about her living situation and her family's expectations. This could provide insight into her character and enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Explore the possibility of having Cassandra express her frustrations more explicitly, perhaps through a moment of vulnerability that contrasts with her usual sarcasm. This could create a more relatable and sympathetic character.
  • To improve the transition to Ryan's entrance, consider having Cassandra glance at the door or react to a sound before he enters, creating a sense of anticipation that leads into their interaction.
  • Develop Gail's character by incorporating a line or two that hints at her own struggles or past experiences, which could create a more layered conversation and deepen their friendship.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing any redundant lines or phrases that do not add to the character development or plot progression. This will help maintain a brisk pace and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 16 - Sneaking Out
INT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY
CASSANDRA is wearing a pretty, slightly-too-short floral
dress. She creeps across the hallway, trying to avoid her
parents who are watching tv in the tv room.

SUSAN (O.S.)
You’re dressed up.
Busted.
SUSAN (CONT'D)
Where are you going?
CASSANDRA
I’m going out for lunch.

Her parents look at her, surprised.

SUSAN
With who?
CASSANDRA
A friend.

STANLEY
You look very pretty.
CASSANDRA is a little shy suddenly.

CASSANDRA
Thanks, dad.
She leaves. Her parents look at one another. They can barely
dare to hope.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Cassandra, dressed in a floral dress, attempts to sneak out for lunch with a friend but is caught by her parents. Her mother, Susan, questions her about her outfit and plans, while her father, Stanley, compliments her, making her shy. After a brief conversation, Cassandra leaves, and her parents exchange hopeful glances, reflecting their concern and support.
Strengths
  • Authentic character dynamics
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets up a mix of emotions with tension, surprise, and hope, providing insight into Cassandra's relationship with her parents and her desire for independence. The dialogue and interactions are engaging, creating a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around Cassandra's desire for independence and her strained relationship with her parents, setting up a key theme that will likely be explored further in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by highlighting Cassandra's internal conflict and her desire to break free from her parents' expectations, setting up potential future developments in her character arc.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the familiar theme of parent-child relationships, portraying the complexity of communication and understanding within a family.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, particularly Cassandra and her parents, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting emotions and desires. Cassandra's shyness and desire for independence contrast with her parents' surprise and disappointment, creating depth in the character dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change within this scene, it sets up the potential for growth and development in Cassandra's character as she navigates her desire for independence.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of independence and freedom while interacting with her parents. This reflects her deeper need for autonomy and individuality.

External Goal: 6

Cassandra's external goal in this scene is to go out for lunch with a friend without her parents questioning her too much. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing her social life with her family obligations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around Cassandra's desire for independence conflicting with her parents' expectations. This sets up a compelling emotional conflict that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and drama, adding depth to the characters' motivations and actions.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on Cassandra's desire for independence and her strained relationship with her parents. While not high in terms of external conflict, the emotional stakes are significant for the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key conflicts and character dynamics that are likely to impact future events in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations of a typical parent-child conversation, adding layers of complexity and depth to the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Cassandra's desire for independence and her parents' concern for her safety and well-being. This challenges Cassandra's beliefs about freedom and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and awkwardness to hope and disappointment, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotions between the characters, providing insight into their relationships and motivations. The interactions feel authentic and engaging, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it captures the tension and emotional dynamics of a family interaction, drawing the audience into the characters' lives.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following industry standards for screenplay writing.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a domestic drama genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Cassandra's desire to escape her home life and the tension between her and her parents. However, the dialogue feels somewhat flat and lacks emotional depth. The exchange between Cassandra and her parents could benefit from more subtext to convey their underlying concerns and hopes.
  • Cassandra's shyness when complimented by her father adds a nice touch, but it could be expanded to show her internal conflict about her appearance and her relationship with her parents. This moment could serve as a pivotal point to explore her feelings of inadequacy or desire for approval.
  • The parents' reactions are somewhat generic. While they express surprise and hope, adding specific details about their feelings or past interactions with Cassandra could make them more relatable and complex. This would enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is quick, which is appropriate for a moment of tension, but it may benefit from a brief pause or beat after key lines to allow the audience to absorb the emotional weight of the moment. For example, after Cassandra's response about going out for lunch, a moment of silence could heighten the tension.
  • The visual description of Cassandra's outfit is a good start, but it could be more evocative. Describing how the dress makes her feel or how it contrasts with her usual attire could add layers to her character and the scene's emotional tone.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue to reveal the parents' deeper concerns about Cassandra's life choices and their hopes for her future. This could create a richer emotional landscape.
  • Expand on Cassandra's internal conflict regarding her appearance and her relationship with her parents. This could be done through her thoughts or a brief flashback that highlights her struggles.
  • Give the parents more distinct personalities and backgrounds to make their reactions more impactful. This could involve adding a line or two that reflects their past interactions with Cassandra or their own experiences.
  • Incorporate pauses or beats in the dialogue to allow the audience to feel the tension and emotional weight of the moment. This can enhance the dramatic effect of the scene.
  • Enhance the visual description of Cassandra's dress and how it affects her demeanor. This could help to illustrate her character development and the significance of her choice to dress up.



Scene 17 - A Date with Disturbing Humor
INT. THE HAWT DOG - DAY
CASSANDRA and RYAN are mid-date and it’s going well.
CASSANDRA
How did she get a skeleton’s hand up
there?
RYAN
She stole it from a teaching model.
And here’s the worst part, she
looked at me right in the eyes, took
it out ...and waved it at me.
CASSANDRA pushes her food away.
38




CASSANDRA
And I am done.
RYAN
And I am wondering why I started
telling that story...
39




CASSANDRA
Hey, there is nothing more romantic
than a disturbed woman pulling a
skeleton’s hand out of her vagina.
RYAN
That’s true.
CASSANDRA
People never pull anything out of
anywhere where I work.
RYAN
So, yeah, you didn’t want to...
CASSANDRA
What?
RYAN
Carry on with med school?
CASSANDRA goes back to her food.

CASSANDRA
Nah.
RYAN
Why not?

CASSANDRA
I wanted to do something else.
RYAN
Really? What?

CASSANDRA
I don’t know.
RYAN
You were so good though. You knew
everything.
CASSANDRA
I didn’t know everything.
RYAN
You did! You were brilliant! I was
terrible. Remember when I
accidentally removed the wrong
kidney from my cadaver?
40




CASSANDRA
(proud)
And look at you now. Operating on
children.
RYAN laughs.

RYAN
Yeah. I got better. But you, you
were always way ahead of everybody.
You’d have been a fantastic doctor.
CASSANDRA
Just. Didn’t want it anymore, I
guess.

CASSANDRA shrugs. RYAN senses he’s crossed a line.
RYAN
Hey, you want coffee? Movie starts
in half an hour. I can tell you
about the guy who got his dick
trapped in a tambourine.
Genres: ["Romantic Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Cassandra and Ryan enjoy a playful date at The Hawt Dog, sharing a bizarre story about a skeleton's hand that leads to a discussion about Cassandra's past in medical school. While Ryan praises her intelligence, Cassandra reveals her disinterest in pursuing medicine, prompting a light-hearted shift in conversation. The scene concludes with Ryan suggesting they grab coffee and share another outrageous tale before their movie.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous moments
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively blends humor, reflection, and tension, creating an engaging and relatable interaction between the characters. The dialogue is witty and reveals layers of the characters' personalities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revisiting past ambitions and navigating awkward dates is well-executed in the scene. It offers a glimpse into the characters' inner thoughts and motivations.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Cassandra and Ryan's date, their past experiences, and their current perspectives on life. It moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and humorous take on the theme of career choices and personal fulfillment. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, with a mix of light-hearted banter and deeper emotional moments.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Ryan are well-developed, with distinct personalities and histories. Their interactions feel authentic and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Both Cassandra and Ryan experience subtle changes in their perspectives and interactions during the scene, adding depth to their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal is to justify her decision to leave medical school and pursue something else. This reflects her deeper desire for personal fulfillment and autonomy.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to enjoy her date and have a good time. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is relatively low, focusing more on the awkwardness of the date and the characters' internal struggles.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with underlying tensions and conflicting desires between the characters. The audience is left wondering how these conflicts will play out in future interactions.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal interactions and reflections rather than high drama.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by developing the relationship between Cassandra and Ryan and providing insight into their pasts and presents.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the conversation and the characters' surprising revelations. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's choice between following a traditional path of success (medical school) or pursuing her own desires and passions. This challenges her beliefs about societal expectations and personal fulfillment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, balancing humor with moments of reflection and tension. It engages the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is a highlight of the scene, blending humor, nostalgia, and tension effectively. It reveals the characters' personalities and drives the interaction forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, relatable characters, and underlying tension between the protagonists. The humor and emotional depth keep the audience invested in the conversation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted correctly, with clear character cues and dialogue tags. It follows the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and character interaction, with a clear progression of ideas and emotions. It adheres to the expected structure for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness and humor of a first date, showcasing Cassandra and Ryan's chemistry through their banter. However, the transition from the humorous story about the skeleton's hand to the more serious topic of Cassandra's medical career feels abrupt. This shift could be smoothed out to maintain the flow of the conversation.
  • Cassandra's character is well-defined in this scene, particularly her reluctance to pursue medicine despite her evident talent. However, her motivations for leaving medical school could be explored further. Adding a line or two that hints at her deeper reasons for this decision would enrich her character and provide more emotional weight to the scene.
  • Ryan's character comes across as supportive and genuinely interested in Cassandra, but his comments about her being brilliant and ahead of everyone else could feel a bit too flattering without a counterbalance. Introducing a moment where Cassandra downplays his compliments or expresses discomfort with the praise could add depth to their dynamic.
  • The dialogue is witty and engaging, but the pacing could be improved. Some lines feel a bit rushed, particularly when transitioning from the humorous anecdote to the more serious discussion about Cassandra's career. Allowing for a brief pause or a change in tone could enhance the emotional impact of the conversation.
  • The setting of 'The Hawt Dog' is intriguing, but it could be utilized more effectively to reflect the characters' emotions. For instance, incorporating visual elements from the restaurant that mirror the awkwardness or humor of their conversation could enhance the scene's atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue after the skeleton story before transitioning to the discussion about medical school. This could help the audience digest the humor before moving into a more serious topic.
  • Explore Cassandra's motivations for leaving medical school more deeply. A line that hints at her struggles or disillusionment with the medical field could provide more context and make her character more relatable.
  • Introduce a moment where Cassandra reacts to Ryan's compliments in a way that shows her discomfort or self-doubt. This could create a more balanced dynamic between the two characters and add complexity to their relationship.
  • Slow down the pacing of the dialogue slightly, especially during the transition between topics. Allowing for pauses or reactions can give the audience time to absorb the emotional weight of the conversation.
  • Enhance the setting by incorporating more sensory details or visual elements that reflect the tone of the conversation. For example, describe the ambiance of the restaurant or the food they are eating to create a more immersive experience.



Scene 18 - Misunderstood Intentions
EXT. RYAN’S APARTMENT - EVENING
RYAN and CASSANDRA are walking down the street. There’s a
somewhat awkward, expectant silence.

RYAN
You think we look like father and
daughter from behind?

CASSANDRA laughs.

RYAN (CONT'D)
I always worry about that.
Bystanders screaming when I lean in
to kiss someone. “Get your hands of
that child...oh...sorry sir.”
CASSANDRA
I mean, don’t be so tall would be my
argument. It’s kind of...flashy.

RYAN
Yeah?
CASSANDRA
Showing off.

He laughs.
41




RYAN
Oh. This is a weird coincidence.
CASSANDRA
What?

RYAN
I think this is...yep! Huh. This is
my apartment.
CASSANDRA immediately cools. The wall goes right up.
CASSANDRA
That is weird. What a weird, weird
coincidence.

RYAN
I mean...since we’re already here.
You wanna come up for a drink? I
could clumsily try to seduce you?
CASSANDRA
(coldly)
Sure. Why not.
42




RYAN
Oh. It’s too soon, I’m sorry. I
shouldn’t have-
CASSANDRA
Nope. Let’s go upstairs.

RYAN
I don’t want you to come up unless
you want to. I’m not... look, I
misread what was happening, I’m
sorry. Let me drive you home.
They start walking in silence, CASSANDRA is kicking herself.
She stops.

CASSANDRA
You know what. You’re at your place.
I can get a cab.

RYAN
Are you sure? But-

CASSANDRA
I’m sure.
RYAN
I feel like I fucked this up. I’m
sorry. What can I-

CASSANDRA
You didn’t. It’s not you.
CASSANDRA walks off. RYAN watches, confused. He lets himself
in.
Further down the street, CASSANDRA is almost in tears of
frustration, she kicks over a garbage can, tipping its
contents over the street.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Ryan and Cassandra walk down the street in an awkward silence, with Ryan attempting to lighten the mood through jokes. However, as they approach his apartment, Cassandra's demeanor shifts to coldness, revealing her discomfort. Despite Ryan's flirtatious invitation for a drink, Cassandra hesitates and ultimately decides to leave, frustrated by the tension. In a moment of anger, she kicks over a garbage can as she walks away, leaving Ryan confused and alone.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension and awkwardness
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution in the interaction between Cassandra and Ryan

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the awkwardness and tension between the characters, leading to a shift in emotions and a sense of disappointment. The dialogue and actions create a palpable atmosphere that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring a potentially romantic encounter that takes a sharp turn towards discomfort and disappointment is intriguing and well-executed in the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the interaction between Cassandra and Ryan, highlighting the shift in emotions and the underlying tension between the characters. It effectively moves the story forward by introducing conflict and emotional depth.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on a common romantic comedy trope, infusing it with humor and emotional depth. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Ryan are well-developed in the scene, with their emotions and motivations clearly portrayed. The audience can empathize with their awkward situation and feel the disappointment that arises from their interaction.

Character Changes: 8

Both Cassandra and Ryan experience a shift in their emotions and perceptions during the scene, leading to a deeper understanding of themselves and each other.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate a potentially romantic situation with Cassandra, while also trying to avoid any misunderstandings or awkwardness.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to invite Cassandra up to his apartment for a drink and potentially try to seduce her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from the miscommunication and misinterpretation between Cassandra and Ryan, leading to a tense and emotional exchange.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the miscommunication and conflicting intentions of the characters, creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the emotional impact of the interaction between Cassandra and Ryan adds depth to their relationship and sets the tone for future events.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new dynamic between Cassandra and Ryan, setting the stage for further developments in their relationship.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' reactions and the outcome of the situation, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around miscommunication and misinterpretation of intentions, highlighting the importance of clear communication in relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of frustration, confusion, and disappointment in the audience as they witness the awkward interaction between Cassandra and Ryan.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the awkwardness and tension between Cassandra and Ryan, adding depth to their characters and enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable characters, witty dialogue, and emotional depth. The audience is drawn into the characters' interactions and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and emotional beats that maintain the audience's interest and drive the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that flows naturally.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a romantic comedy, with a buildup of tension, a moment of conflict, and a resolution that leaves room for further development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness and tension between Ryan and Cassandra, showcasing their dynamic through humor and vulnerability. However, the transition from light-hearted banter to a more serious tone feels abrupt. The shift in Cassandra's demeanor when she realizes they are at Ryan's apartment could be better foreshadowed earlier in the scene to enhance emotional continuity.
  • Cassandra's cold response to Ryan's invitation feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from more internal conflict or hesitation. This would help the audience understand her emotional state better and create a stronger connection to her character. The dialogue could also explore her feelings about intimacy and vulnerability, which would add depth to her character.
  • The dialogue is witty and engaging, but it sometimes feels a bit too scripted. Natural conversations often have more interruptions and overlapping dialogue. Incorporating these elements could make the exchange feel more authentic and relatable.
  • Cassandra's action of kicking over the garbage can at the end is a strong visual metaphor for her frustration, but it could be more impactful if it were set up earlier in the scene. Perhaps she could exhibit signs of frustration before they reach the apartment, hinting at her internal struggle and making the outburst feel more justified.
  • Ryan's character comes off as somewhat passive in this scene. While he expresses concern for Cassandra's feelings, he doesn't take a strong stance or push back against her coldness. Adding more assertiveness or vulnerability to his character could create a more dynamic interaction.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding subtle hints earlier in the scene that foreshadow Cassandra's discomfort with the situation, such as her body language or hesitations in her responses.
  • Explore Cassandra's internal conflict more deeply. Perhaps include her thoughts or feelings about intimacy and her past experiences, which could explain her coldness and reluctance.
  • Incorporate more naturalistic dialogue by allowing for interruptions or overlapping speech, which can make the conversation feel more genuine and relatable.
  • Set up Cassandra's frustration earlier in the scene to make her outburst at the end feel more earned. This could involve her showing signs of agitation or discomfort before they reach Ryan's apartment.
  • Give Ryan a more active role in the conversation. Allow him to express his feelings more assertively or challenge Cassandra's coldness, which could lead to a more engaging and dynamic exchange.



Scene 19 - Hidden Struggles
INT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING
Breakfast. Everyone in their spot. CASSANDRA looks hollowed
out.
STANLEY
Did you and your friend have a nice
time?
Beat.
CASSANDRA
Mmm hmm.
43




STANLEY
You came in pretty late!
CASSANDRA
Yep.

SUSAN
You two go dancing?
BEAT.
CASSANDRA
Yep.
SUSAN and STANLEY exchange excited glances. CASSANDRA pulls
her sweater sleeve over a nightclub stamp on her hand, and on
her wrist, a significant bruise.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the kitchen during breakfast, Cassandra appears emotionally drained as her family, Stanley and Susan, excitedly inquire about her night out. While they believe she had a fun time, Cassandra's minimal responses and the concealment of a nightclub stamp on her hand, along with a bruise on her wrist, reveal a deeper turmoil. The scene highlights the conflict between her internal pain and her family's obliviousness, ending with the implication that Cassandra is struggling alone.
Strengths
  • Subtle tension and emotion
  • Effective character interactions
  • Compelling family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution in the scene
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys tension and disappointment through subtle interactions and dialogue, setting up a compelling family dynamic.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing family tensions and suspicions during a seemingly ordinary breakfast is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by hinting at Cassandra's hidden activities and the strained relationship with her parents, adding depth to the overall story.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar domestic setting but adds a layer of complexity through the characters' unspoken conflicts and hidden truths.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Cassandra and her parents, are well-developed through their interactions and reactions, adding layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Cassandra's character is subtly revealed through her responses and interactions, hinting at hidden aspects of her personality.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to hide the truth about what happened the night before. She is trying to protect herself from judgment and scrutiny by her family.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to maintain a facade of normalcy and avoid revealing any vulnerabilities or secrets to her family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict between Cassandra and her parents, as well as the underlying tensions and suspicions, adds depth to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Cassandra's family members, who unknowingly challenge her facade of normalcy.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are subtly hinted at through the tension and suspicions within the family, setting up potential conflicts and revelations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about Cassandra's relationships and motivations, adding depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of how Cassandra will navigate the situation and whether her secrets will be revealed.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between honesty and deception. Cassandra is torn between being truthful about her experiences and protecting herself from potential consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through the portrayal of disappointment, tension, and hollowed-out emotions within the family.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys tension, suspicion, and disappointment, enhancing the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because of the tension and mystery surrounding Cassandra's actions and responses.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is deliberate, allowing the tension to build gradually and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard screenplay formatting guidelines, making it easy to read and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical breakfast table conversation format but subverts expectations by focusing on the characters' internal conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Cassandra's emotional state through her minimal dialogue and physical cues, such as pulling her sweater sleeve over the nightclub stamp and the bruise on her wrist. This visual storytelling is powerful and conveys her internal struggle without needing excessive exposition.
  • The dialogue is sparse, which works well to reflect Cassandra's hollow demeanor. However, the exchanges with her parents could benefit from more subtext or tension to heighten the emotional stakes. As it stands, the conversation feels somewhat flat and could be more engaging.
  • The parents' excitement about Cassandra's night out contrasts sharply with her emotional state, which is a strong dynamic. However, the scene could explore this contrast further by incorporating more of Cassandra's internal thoughts or feelings, perhaps through a brief voiceover or inner monologue, to deepen the audience's understanding of her turmoil.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, but it could be enhanced by adding a moment of silence or a longer beat after each of Cassandra's responses. This would allow the weight of her emotional state to resonate more with the audience and create a more palpable tension in the room.
  • The setting of the kitchen during breakfast is relatable and serves as a stark backdrop for the emotional conflict. However, incorporating more sensory details about the breakfast itself could enrich the scene. For example, describing the smell of food or the sounds of utensils clinking could create a more immersive atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief inner monologue for Cassandra to provide insight into her feelings about the night before, which would enhance the audience's connection to her character.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or a longer pause after each of Cassandra's responses to emphasize her emotional distance and the tension in the family dynamic.
  • Explore the parents' reactions further by having them express their excitement in a way that contrasts with Cassandra's emotional state, perhaps through more enthusiastic dialogue or gestures that Cassandra visibly recoils from.
  • Incorporate sensory details about the breakfast setting to create a more immersive experience for the audience, enhancing the contrast between the mundane family breakfast and Cassandra's internal chaos.
  • Consider using a visual motif, such as the nightclub stamp or bruise, to recur throughout the screenplay, reinforcing the themes of Cassandra's struggles and the disconnect between her public persona and private pain.



Scene 20 - Contrasting Reflections
INT. MAKE ME COFFEE SHOP - DAY
CASSANDRA is staring into space, worrying she’s made a
mistake with RYAN. A gorgeous COUPLE sit in the corner. They
are laughing hysterically.

GAIL
Ew. Look at them. Take your
happiness elsewhere please.

CASSANDRA looks over at them.
CASSANDRA
You and Richard must have been like
that at some point.

GAIL thinks.

GAIL
He did make me laugh. Lucky for him
I find farting hilarious otherwise
we’d have been over after the first
date.

CASSANDRA
He farted on the first date?
GAIL
I made him laugh so hard he farted.
CASSANDRA
Fuck.
(beat)
That is so romantic.
44
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary In a coffee shop, Cassandra is lost in thought, anxious about her relationship with Ryan while observing a happy couple. Gail, commenting negatively on their display of happiness, shares a humorous story about her past with Richard, revealing a romantic moment that surprises Cassandra. This contrast between Gail's lighthearted memories and Cassandra's worries highlights her internal conflict, leaving her feelings unresolved as the scene concludes.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous banter
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, tension, and reflection, creating an engaging and dynamic interaction between the characters. The dialogue is witty and reveals nuances in the relationships, making it an entertaining and insightful scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a casual conversation between two characters in a coffee shop setting is engaging and relatable. The scene effectively explores themes of humor, awkwardness, and reflection, adding layers to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a moment of character development and relationship building, which is important for overall story depth. The humorous banter adds entertainment value and keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on the theme of relationships and humor, presenting it in a light and humorous manner. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Gail are well-defined and their personalities shine through in the dialogue. Cassandra comes across as witty and reflective, while Gail is sarcastic and humorous. Their interactions feel authentic and add depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it provides insights into the personalities of Cassandra and Gail, deepening the audience's understanding of their dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to reflect on her own relationship with Ryan and compare it to the couple in the coffee shop. This reflects her deeper need for reassurance and validation in her own relationship.

External Goal: 6

Cassandra's external goal in this scene is to engage in conversation with Gail and distract herself from her worries about her relationship with Ryan.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, primarily revolving around humorous banter and tension between the characters. It serves more as a moment of character exploration rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the contrasting viewpoints of Gail and Cassandra, creating tension and conflict in their conversation.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on humor and character dynamics rather than intense conflict or high stakes situations.

Story Forward: 7

The scene doesn't propel the main plot forward significantly but contributes to character development and relationship building, which are essential for overall story depth.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn in the conversation about relationships and humor, adding a layer of surprise and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the contrast between different approaches to relationships and humor. Gail and Cassandra have different perspectives on what constitutes romance and humor, challenging each other's beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to discomfort to reflection. The interactions between the characters create a sense of connection and engagement with the audience, leading to a moderate emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is witty, humorous, and reflective, capturing the essence of the characters and their relationship dynamics. The banter between Cassandra and Gail is engaging and entertaining, showcasing their personalities effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter and humorous dialogue between the characters, keeping the audience entertained and interested in the conversation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a natural flow of dialogue and interactions that maintain the audience's interest and momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear character interactions and progression.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Cassandra's internal conflict and her feelings of inadequacy compared to the happy couple. However, the transition from her emotional state to the humorous exchange with Gail feels slightly abrupt. The contrast between her anxiety and the light-hearted banter could be smoothed out to enhance the emotional depth.
  • Gail's dialogue about her past with Richard adds a layer of humor, but it also risks undermining the gravity of Cassandra's situation. While humor can be a coping mechanism, it might be beneficial to balance the comedic elements with more poignant reflections from Cassandra to maintain the scene's emotional weight.
  • Cassandra's reaction to Gail's story about farting is a clever way to show her sarcasm and disillusionment with romance. However, it might be more impactful if Cassandra's response included a hint of vulnerability or longing, which would deepen her character and make her struggle more relatable.
  • The visual elements of the scene, such as the couple laughing in the corner, effectively set the tone and contrast with Cassandra's internal turmoil. However, more descriptive language could enhance the imagery, allowing readers to visualize the coffee shop atmosphere and the couple's joy more vividly.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the dialogue exchange. Allowing for more pauses or beats could give the audience time to absorb Cassandra's feelings and the humor in Gail's story, creating a more dynamic rhythm.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Cassandra that reflects her feelings about the couple and her relationship with Ryan. This could provide insight into her emotional state and enhance the audience's connection to her character.
  • To balance the humor with the emotional weight, you might include a moment where Cassandra expresses her frustration or sadness more directly before transitioning to the lighter banter with Gail.
  • Explore the possibility of having Gail share a more meaningful memory about Richard that ties back to Cassandra's current feelings, creating a stronger thematic connection between their experiences.
  • Enhance the visual description of the coffee shop and the couple to create a more immersive setting. Consider using sensory details to evoke the atmosphere, such as the sounds of laughter, the aroma of coffee, or the warmth of the sunlight filtering through the windows.
  • Slow down the dialogue exchange slightly to allow for more natural pauses. This can help emphasize the contrast between Cassandra's internal struggle and the light-heartedness of Gail's story, making the scene feel more authentic.



Scene 21 - A Light-Hearted Reunion
INT. BATHORY HOSPITAL - WAITING ROOM - EVENING
A red balloon floats in the corner of a ceiling.
We reveal CASSANDRA looking up at it. She’s sitting in a
hospital waiting room with a few patients.

RYAN (O.S.)
Cassie!
She looks up, RYAN is walking over to her.
RYAN (CONT'D)
What are you doing here?
She stands.

CASSANDRA
I just came to pick up my herpes
medication.
RYAN
You have herpes too. That saves us
an awkward conversation later.

The MOTHER of a tragic-looking CHILD PATIENT looks over
disapprovingly.
CASSANDRA
So. I came here to see you.
Obviously.
(deep breath)
I’m not good at this stuff. I’m
trying.

RYAN
If you’re not interested-
CASSANDRA
No it’s not that.
RYAN
You sure?

She nods.

CASSANDRA
(huge effort)
So, I’d like to see you again...if
that’s cool. But we’ll need to take
it slow. I understand if-
RYAN
Of course that’s cool.
45




CASSANDRA
Thank you.
RYAN
What are you doing now? You wanna go
somewhere? Get dinner?
46




CASSANDRA
Aren’t you working?
RYAN
Eh, it’s only a kid with leukemia.
He can wait.
(beat)
I’m kidding. My shift has finished.
Let me just get my stuff.
CASSANDRA is watching him, she can barely stop smiling.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary In the evening waiting room of Bathory Hospital, Cassandra waits and gazes at a floating red balloon when Ryan unexpectedly approaches her. They share a humorous conversation about her herpes medication, revealing Cassandra's vulnerability and desire to reconnect. She expresses her wish to take things slow, and Ryan responds positively, suggesting they go out for dinner after his shift. Their exchange balances light-heartedness with sincere emotional connection, ending with Cassandra smiling at Ryan, indicating a hopeful future together.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Balanced humor and emotion
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Low external conflict
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor and emotion, creating a relatable and engaging moment between the characters. The awkwardness and tentative nature of their interaction add depth to their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of two characters reconnecting in a hospital waiting room is unique and adds an unexpected twist to their budding relationship. The scene explores themes of vulnerability and second chances.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around Cassandra and Ryan navigating their reconnection, adding depth to their characters and setting up potential future developments in their relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on romantic interactions in a hospital setting, blending humor with sensitive topics. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Ryan are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, humor, and genuine feelings for each other. Their dynamic is engaging and sets the stage for further exploration.

Character Changes: 7

Both Cassandra and Ryan experience subtle changes in their dynamic, with Cassandra showing vulnerability and effort in reconnecting, while Ryan displays understanding and patience.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal is to express her feelings for Ryan and take a step towards a romantic relationship with him. This reflects her desire for connection and vulnerability.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to ask Ryan out on a date and express her interest in seeing him again. This reflects her immediate challenge of navigating a potential romantic relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is relatively low, focusing more on the emotional tension between the characters rather than external obstacles. The conflict arises from their internal struggles and uncertainties.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is mild, with societal judgment and personal insecurities creating minor obstacles for the characters.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the emotional connection between the characters rather than high-risk situations. The emphasis is on their personal growth and relationship dynamics.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Cassandra and Ryan, setting the stage for further developments and exploring their potential as a couple.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its humor and character interactions, keeping the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the societal stigma around herpes and the judgment from others, as seen in the disapproving look from the mother of a child patient. This challenges Cassandra's beliefs about self-worth and acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' vulnerability and hopefulness. The awkwardness and genuine moments create a sense of connection with the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the awkwardness and humor of the characters' interaction, adding depth to their relationship and revealing their true feelings.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the witty dialogue, romantic tension, and relatable character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional connection between the characters, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow for readers and production teams.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a romantic comedy genre, with clear character interactions and progression of the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of vulnerability for Cassandra, showcasing her struggle with intimacy and communication. However, the humor surrounding the herpes medication feels somewhat jarring given the context of a hospital setting, which could undermine the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Cassandra's dialogue reveals her desire to reconnect with Ryan, but the transition from humor to sincerity could be smoother. The abrupt shift in tone may confuse the audience about the seriousness of her intentions.
  • Ryan's response to Cassandra's admission is supportive, but it lacks depth. While he agrees to take things slow, there could be more exploration of his feelings or concerns about their relationship, which would add complexity to his character.
  • The presence of the tragic-looking child patient and their mother adds an interesting layer to the scene, but it could be utilized more effectively. Their disapproving glance at Cassandra's humor could serve as a contrast to the light-heartedness of her dialogue, emphasizing the gravity of the hospital environment.
  • The visual of the floating red balloon is a nice touch, symbolizing hope or innocence, but it could be tied more explicitly to Cassandra's emotional state. A brief reflection on the balloon could enhance the thematic depth of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider softening the humor surrounding the herpes medication to maintain the emotional tone of the scene. Perhaps Cassandra could express her discomfort more seriously, allowing for a more genuine connection with Ryan.
  • Enhance the transition between humor and sincerity by adding a moment of silence or a more introspective line from Cassandra before she expresses her desire to see Ryan again. This would help ground the scene in emotional reality.
  • Encourage Ryan to express his own feelings or hesitations about moving forward with Cassandra. This could be done through a line that acknowledges the complexity of their situation, adding depth to his character.
  • Utilize the presence of the child patient and their mother more effectively by incorporating a brief moment where Cassandra acknowledges the gravity of the hospital setting, perhaps reflecting on her own struggles in contrast to the child's situation.
  • Consider expanding on the symbolism of the red balloon by having Cassandra make a comment about it, linking it to her feelings of hope or uncertainty regarding her relationship with Ryan.



Scene 22 - Coffee Shop Confessions
INT. MAKE ME COFFEE SHOP - DAY
GAIL and CASSANDRA are cleaning the shop listening to the
radio. CASSANDRA starts humming along. GAIL stares at her.
GAIL
Oh my god.
CASSANDRA
What?

GAIL
Are you seeing that guy?
CASSANDRA
No!

Beat.
GAIL
Good for you.

CASSANDRA feigns outrage, but is delighted.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary In a lively coffee shop, Gail and Cassandra clean while enjoying music on the radio. Their playful banter begins when Gail inquires about a potential romantic interest in Cassandra's life. Cassandra humorously denies any involvement, leading to Gail's relief and a light-hearted exchange where Cassandra pretends to be outraged but is secretly pleased. The scene captures their close friendship and playful dynamic.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively combines humor, tension, and character dynamics to create an engaging moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of the scene revolves around the banter between two characters in a coffee shop setting, which is executed well.

Plot: 7

While the plot does not significantly progress in this scene, it serves to develop the relationship between Cassandra and Gail.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its portrayal of a simple interaction between friends, focusing on the unspoken communication and underlying emotions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Cassandra and Gail are well-defined and their dynamic is engaging, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in this scene, focusing more on establishing the dynamic between Cassandra and Gail.

Internal Goal: 8

GAIL's internal goal in this scene is to show support and approval for CASSANDRA's actions. This reflects GAIL's deeper need for connection and validation from her friend.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not clearly defined, but it could be to maintain a positive relationship with CASSANDRA.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in this scene is minimal, primarily revolving around the tension between Cassandra and Gail.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in the scene is mild, with a small conflict between GAIL and CASSANDRA that adds depth to their relationship.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in this scene are low, centered around the banter between Cassandra and Gail.

Story Forward: 5

While the scene does not significantly move the plot forward, it provides insight into the characters' relationship.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the shift in emotions from GAIL's deadpan reaction to CASSANDRA's feigned outrage.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between GAIL's approval of CASSANDRA's actions and CASSANDRA's initial denial. This challenges GAIL's belief in honesty and authenticity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including humor and tension, but does not have a significant emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities, enhancing the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter and subtle character dynamics that keep the audience interested in the relationship between GAIL and CASSANDRA.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics through the dialogue and pauses.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making it easy to follow the dialogue and action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical conversational structure for a dialogue-driven screenplay, with clear character interactions and beats.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a light-hearted moment between Cassandra and Gail, showcasing their dynamic and hinting at Cassandra's emotional state. However, the dialogue feels somewhat superficial and lacks depth, which could be improved to better reflect the complexities of Cassandra's character and her current situation.
  • Gail's initial reaction ('Oh my god.') is a strong hook that piques interest, but the subsequent exchange feels rushed. The beat after Cassandra's denial could be expanded to allow for more tension or humor, giving the audience a moment to digest the implications of the question.
  • Cassandra's feigned outrage is a nice touch, but it could be more pronounced to enhance the comedic effect. The contrast between her outward reaction and her internal delight could be emphasized through more descriptive actions or expressions, allowing the audience to connect more with her character.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or conflict. While it serves as a moment of levity, it would benefit from a deeper exploration of Cassandra's feelings about relationships, especially given her recent experiences. This could create a more engaging narrative thread.
  • The setting of the coffee shop is underutilized in this scene. Incorporating more sensory details about the environment—like the smell of coffee, the sound of the radio, or the bustle of customers—could enhance the atmosphere and make the scene feel more immersive.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two that hints at Cassandra's internal struggles or her feelings about dating, which would provide depth to her character and make the scene more relatable.
  • Expand the beat after Gail's initial question to allow for a more comedic or dramatic pause, giving the audience time to react to the implications of the question.
  • Enhance Cassandra's physical reactions to her feigned outrage—perhaps she could cross her arms or roll her eyes dramatically—to make her delight more evident and engaging.
  • Introduce a minor conflict or tension in the scene, such as a customer interrupting them or a humorous mishap while cleaning, to create a more dynamic interaction.
  • Incorporate more sensory details about the coffee shop environment to create a richer setting that complements the dialogue and character interactions.



Scene 23 - Coffee Shop Confessions
INT. MAKE ME COFFEE SHOP - EVENING
RYAN is waiting at a table a little awkwardly as GAIL
scrutinizes him.
CASSANDRA locks up.
GAIL
You ever kill someone?

RYAN
What?
GAIL
You know, operating on them.
47




RYAN
No!
GAIL
Really?

RYAN
I mean...patients have died during
surgery, of course-
GAIL
So that’s a yes.
CASSANDRA
Gail! Stop asking Ryan if he’s
killed anyone!

GAIL nonchalantly removes the remaining coffee cups from the
table as Cassie comes over to sit with Ryan.

GAIL
I’ll stop asking him when he stops
killing people.

RYAN
That does seem fair.
GAIL
Ok. I’m leaving you lovebirds to it.
Can you lock up, honey?
CASSANDRA
Course.

GAIL puts the cups on the counter.
GAIL
If you have sex on the counter, the
bleach is in the back room. I don’t
want to find ass prints in the
coffee grinds tomorrow morning.
(bright)
Night!

She leaves the coffee shop. RYAN and CASSIE sit awkwardly.

RYAN
She seems nice!
CASSIE laughs.
CASSANDRA
She is. She’s a good friend.
48




RYAN
Are you friends with anyone from
Forrest still?
Beat.

CASSANDRA
No.
RYAN
Really? No one?
CASSANDRA
Really. No one.
RYAN
I can’t seem to shake them off.
CASSANDRA
(ew)
You still hang out with those guys?

RYAN
They’re not that bad! You know
Madison McPhee just had twins?
Beat.
CASSANDRA
I don’t remember Madison.
RYAN
I thought you were close?

CASSANDRA
Nope.
RYAN
Huh. Oh yeah, oh my god, Al Monroe
is marrying some kind of model. She
was in a some MTV rich girl show.
Small part- but still! Classic Al.
Landing on his feet.

CASSANDRA tries to keep calm.

CASSANDRA
Al Monroe?
RYAN
You must remember him-
CASSANDRA
I thought he moved to London.
49




RYAN
He moved back here a couple of
months ago.
Beat.

CASSANDRA
Do you see him a lot?
RYAN
We’re not close anymore but... he’s
in the group. And we cross paths
because of work. He’s an
anesthesiologist now.
CASSANDRA
(deadpan)
Good for him. And he’s getting
married?

RYAN
I know. God help her!

RYAN laughs. CASSANDRA tries to cover her shock.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary In an evening coffee shop, Ryan faces Gail's humorous interrogation about his surgical past, creating an awkward atmosphere. Cassandra intervenes, revealing her estrangement from former friends, especially Al Monroe, who is now engaged. The scene blends light-hearted banter with nostalgia, culminating in Ryan's joke about Al's engagement, leaving Cassandra momentarily shocked.
Strengths
  • Natural dialogue
  • Humorous banter
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, awkwardness, and casual banter to create an engaging and entertaining interaction between the characters. The dialogue flows naturally, and the comedic elements add depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around casual banter and humor in a coffee shop setting, which is executed well through the interactions between the characters. The scene effectively captures the essence of everyday conversations and relationships.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a moment of character development and relationship building between Cassandra and Ryan. The conversation provides insight into their past and current lives.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique and quirky characters who engage in unconventional conversations, adding a fresh and unexpected twist to the typical coffee shop setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Cassandra is portrayed as witty and sarcastic, while Ryan comes across as friendly and slightly clueless.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it does provide insight into the personalities of Cassandra and Ryan.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene seems to be to navigate a potentially awkward conversation with Cassandra and to connect with her on a personal level. This reflects his desire for social acceptance and understanding.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to have a casual conversation with Cassandra and potentially learn more about her past and relationships. This reflects his immediate challenge of trying to connect with her in a relaxed setting.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on light-hearted banter and character interactions.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Gail's provocative questioning and Cassandra's reserved responses creating a subtle tension that adds depth to the interactions. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate the conversation.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, with the focus on light-hearted conversation and relationship building.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward slightly by developing the relationship between Cassandra and Ryan, but it is more focused on character interaction.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns in the conversation and the surprising revelations about the characters' pasts and relationships. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the interactions will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between Gail's blunt and provocative questioning and Cassandra's more reserved and polite demeanor. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about social interactions and personal boundaries.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a moderate level of emotional impact through the humor and character dynamics, but it is not deeply emotional.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is a highlight of the scene, with witty exchanges and humorous moments that keep the audience engaged. The banter between the characters feels natural and adds depth to their personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty banter and humorous exchanges between the characters, as well as the underlying tension and intrigue in the conversation. The dynamic between the characters keeps the audience invested in the unfolding interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm of dialogue and character interactions, allowing for natural pauses and moments of tension to build. The scene flows smoothly and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character cues and scene descriptions that enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character dynamics.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and character interactions, maintaining a good pace and rhythm that keeps the audience engaged. The structure aligns with the expected format for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness of a first date or a reconnection between Cassandra and Ryan, which is relatable and adds to the tension. However, the humor introduced by Gail feels somewhat forced and distracts from the emotional undercurrents of the conversation between Cassandra and Ryan.
  • Cassandra's emotional state is hinted at through her reactions to Ryan's comments about Al Monroe, but the scene could benefit from more subtlety in conveying her feelings. Instead of relying on direct dialogue, consider using body language or visual cues to show her discomfort and shock.
  • The dialogue is witty and engaging, but it occasionally veers into the realm of being too comedic, which can undermine the gravity of Cassandra's situation. Balancing humor with the underlying tension of her past experiences would create a more nuanced scene.
  • Gail's character serves as comic relief, but her presence could be better integrated into the emotional arc of the scene. Instead of abruptly leaving after her jokes, consider having her offer a piece of advice or a moment of genuine concern for Cassandra, which could deepen the friendship dynamic.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, particularly with the transitions between Gail's humor and the more serious conversation between Cassandra and Ryan. A smoother flow would enhance the emotional impact and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or visual cues to illustrate Cassandra's emotional turmoil regarding Al Monroe's engagement, allowing the audience to feel her conflict without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Introduce a moment where Cassandra's facade cracks, perhaps through a brief silence or a change in her tone when discussing Al, to emphasize her discomfort and the weight of her past.
  • Revise Gail's exit to include a moment of genuine concern for Cassandra, which could add depth to their friendship and provide a more poignant contrast to the humor.
  • Experiment with the dialogue to create a more natural flow, perhaps by interspersing moments of silence or hesitation that reflect the awkwardness of the situation, enhancing the tension between Cassandra and Ryan.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more impactful line or moment that encapsulates Cassandra's emotional state, leaving the audience with a lingering sense of her unresolved feelings.



Scene 24 - Confronting Inadequacy
INT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - LATER
CASSANDRA is in her bedroom trying to avoid looking at the
laptop on her desk. She’s trying to stay calm, but we can
feel the tension building.
To stop herself, she reaches for the book under the bed, and
looks at the tally marks. She counts them like a mantra under
her breath.

CASSANDRA
One two three four five six seven
eight nine...
It’s not working. She finally goes to the computer and opens
it. Dreading what she’ll see.
Shaking, she types in Al Monroe’s name into the search bar. A
few options come up, she scrolls through them until- there he
is.

She clicks.
Beautiful home, beautiful fiancee, beautiful car, beautiful
holidays: a beautiful life.
50




She scrolls through his photos compulsively, and finds one of
him and his gorgeous fiancee, her showing off her engagement
ring. CASSANDRA reads the blurb Al has written underneath it:
“SO HUMBLED TO BE MARRYING MY BEST FRIEND, AND THE LOVE OF MY
LIFE. DOESN’T HURT THAT SHE’S A BIKINI MODEL EITHER
LOLOLOL!!!!”
She scrolls down to the comments beneath the photo. “WAY TO
GO BRO!!!”, “OMG YOU GUYS!!”.
She stops at one comment:
“I cannot believe my two favorite people in the worrrrld are
getting hitched!!!”

CASSANDRA clicks on the girl who wrote it, MADISON MCPHEE.
She’s CASSANDRA’s age. Very pretty, married with two adorable
twins. Like AL, she is living a middle class dream life.

She shouldn’t have looked.


INT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
Later CASSANDRA lies in bed, wide awake. She sits up. Gets
her notebook out.
She opens her computer, goes back to AL’s page.

She turns to a fresh page in her book, and starts to write.
An idea is forming.
She combs Facebook, looking at photos, writing things down,
taking notes. And then she clicks on an event-

“AL MONROE’S LAST WEEKEND AS A FREE MAN”
It’s AL’s bachelor party.
“LOCATION TBC BITCHEEEEES”
Thinking. She writes something down.
Then she goes back to MADISON MCPHEE’s page.

And clicks the “Send Private Message” button. She smiles.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In her bedroom at night, CASSANDRA struggles with feelings of jealousy and inadequacy as she checks on AL MONROE's seemingly perfect life through social media. Despite her attempts to calm herself with tally marks, she becomes increasingly frustrated. Inspired by her findings, she formulates a plan and decides to reach out to MADISON MCPHEE, a mutual acquaintance, signaling a shift in her mindset as she prepares to send a message.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intriguing plot setup
Weaknesses
  • Potential predictability
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures Cassandra's emotional state and sets up a potentially impactful plot development. The tension and regret are palpable, drawing the audience into Cassandra's internal struggle.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring jealousy, regret, and the consequences of social media stalking is compelling and adds depth to Cassandra's character. It sets up a potential turning point in the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Cassandra's actions lead to a decision that could impact her relationships and future interactions. It adds layers to her character and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of envy and comparison in the age of social media. The authenticity of Cassandra's actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Cassandra's character is well-developed in this scene, showcasing her vulnerabilities, insecurities, and inner conflicts. The scene also hints at potential growth and change for her character.

Character Changes: 8

Cassandra undergoes a subtle but significant change in this scene, as her actions and decisions hint at potential growth and development in future interactions. The scene sets the stage for character evolution.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to find a way to cope with her feelings of inadequacy and envy towards Al Monroe and Madison McPhee. This reflects her deeper need for validation and self-worth.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to gather information and potentially take action based on what she discovers about Al Monroe and Madison McPhee. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in dealing with her emotions and insecurities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Cassandra grapples with her feelings of jealousy and regret. The tension between her desires and actions creates a compelling conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty about the protagonist's choices and their consequences.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high in this scene, as Cassandra's decision to reach out to her former classmate could have significant repercussions on her relationships and future interactions. The emotional stakes are particularly impactful.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new plot development that could have far-reaching consequences for Cassandra and her relationships. It sets up future conflicts and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it keeps the audience guessing about Cassandra's next actions and decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the juxtaposition of outward appearances versus internal reality. Cassandra is confronted with the disparity between the idealized images on social media and the actual lives of the people she envies.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in relation to Cassandra's inner turmoil and the potential consequences of her actions. The themes of jealousy and regret resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys Cassandra's emotions and motivations, adding depth to her character. The interactions with social media and internal monologue enhance the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the internal struggles and conflicts of the protagonist in a relatable and emotionally charged way.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the protagonist's emotional turmoil and builds suspense towards her decision-making process.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay. It effectively conveys the actions and emotions of the characters.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and reveals the protagonist's emotional journey. It follows the expected format for a character-driven drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Cassandra's internal struggle and emotional turmoil as she grapples with feelings of inadequacy and jealousy upon seeing Al Monroe's seemingly perfect life. The use of tally marks as a calming mantra is a strong visual and thematic element that reinforces her anxiety and obsessive tendencies.
  • The transition from her initial avoidance of the laptop to her eventual decision to search for Al is well-paced, building tension and anticipation. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened further by incorporating more of Cassandra's internal thoughts or flashbacks that illustrate her past connection with Al, making her current feelings more relatable and impactful.
  • The description of Al's life through social media is effective in conveying Cassandra's feelings of envy and despair. However, the dialogue in the comments section could be more varied to reflect a broader range of reactions, which would enhance the realism of social media interactions and deepen the emotional impact on Cassandra.
  • The shift from her initial despair to the spark of an idea is intriguing, but the transition could be made clearer. It would be beneficial to show more of her thought process as she formulates her plan, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or visual cues that indicate her determination to take action.
  • The scene ends on a note of intrigue with Cassandra smiling as she sends a message to Madison McPhee, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional hook. A line of internal dialogue reflecting her mixed feelings about the plan could add depth and complexity to her character's motivations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or flashback that highlights Cassandra's past relationship with Al, which would provide context for her current feelings and enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Diversify the comments on Al's post to include a mix of supportive, sarcastic, and critical responses, which would create a more realistic social media environment and deepen Cassandra's emotional reaction.
  • Clarify the transition from despair to determination by incorporating visual cues or internal dialogue that explicitly outlines Cassandra's thought process as she formulates her plan, making her motivations clearer to the audience.
  • Strengthen the emotional hook at the end of the scene by including a line of internal dialogue that reflects Cassandra's conflicting feelings about her plan, adding complexity to her character and leaving the audience with a stronger sense of anticipation.
  • Consider using more descriptive language to convey Cassandra's physical reactions to her emotions, such as her body language or facial expressions, to enhance the scene's emotional resonance.



Scene 25 - Toasting to Facades
INT. HOTEL ST. JOAN RESTAURANT - DAY
CASSANDRA sits in a upmarket hotel restaurant. She is dressed
for success, her hair has been blown out.
51




A waiter, ALFRED, brings over a champagne bottle and a ginger
ale.
ALFRED
Welcome to the Hotel St Joan, miss.

CASSANDRA
Thank you.
ALFRED
One ginger ale, and one bottle of
champagne.
He begins to pour the champagne.
CASSANDRA
Don’t worry. I can do that.
ALFRED
But-
CASSANDRA
Thank you.

ALFRED leaves. CASSANDRA pours champagne into the glass
opposite hers, and fills her own champagne glass with the
ginger ale: it looks exactly like champagne. She puts the
ginger ale bottle discreetly under her chair.

MADISON (O.S.)
Cassie?
CASSANDRA looks up. There is MADISON. She’s gorgeous- wearing
tasteful but obviously very expensive clothes. On the surface
MADISON is all warmth and sunshine, but is one of those
people who has a way of making every compliment sound like a
burn.
CASSANDRA
Madison. Hi.
MADISON
Oh my gooooooood! You look amazing!
I almost didn’t recognize you!
They hug, and sit back down.

CASSANDRA
Thank you.
(beat)
You look exactly the same.
52




MADISON
You’re sweet! I look so OLD. That’s
what having twins will do to you.
Tragic. Do you have kids?
CASSANDRA
No.
MADISON gives a sympathetic pout.
MADISON
You’ll get there!
She sees the champagne.
MADISON (CONT'D)
Champagne? What are we drinking to?
CASSANDRA
To old friends.
They clink.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In an upscale hotel restaurant, Cassandra, dressed for success, discreetly pours ginger ale into her champagne glass while conversing with her old friend Madison. Their exchange is filled with compliments that carry an undertone of competition, highlighting Madison's subtle judgments about aging and motherhood. As they toast to old friends, the warmth of their reunion is overshadowed by the simmering tension in their dynamic.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Subtle humor
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the dynamic between Cassandra and Madison, providing insight into their characters and relationships. The dialogue is engaging, and the tone shifts smoothly between warmth, sympathy, and humor.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around a reunion between old friends in a luxurious setting, exploring themes of aging, motherhood, and personal choices. The scene effectively conveys these concepts through dialogue and actions.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a character-building moment that adds depth to Cassandra and Madison. The interaction between the characters hints at potential conflicts and developments in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar social setting but adds originality through the characters' dynamic and the subtle power play between them. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Madison are well-developed in this scene, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their dialogue reveals layers of their relationship and individual traits, making them engaging and relatable.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Cassandra and Madison, hinting at potential growth and conflicts in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her composure and hide her true feelings, as evidenced by her discreetly switching the champagne for ginger ale. This reflects her deeper need to control her image and emotions in social situations.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to navigate a potentially uncomfortable social interaction with Madison, an old friend who has a tendency to be condescending. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining a pleasant facade despite Madison's passive-aggressive comments.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the contrasting life paths and choices of Cassandra and Madison. While there are hints of tension, the conflict is more subdued and character-driven.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong due to the conflicting motivations and emotions of the characters. The audience is unsure of how the power play between Cassandra and Madison will unfold.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal relationships and choices rather than life-or-death situations. However, the emotional stakes for the characters are subtly established.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward in terms of character development and relationship dynamics. It sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions, adding depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' shifting emotions and motivations, as well as the subtle power play between Cassandra and Madison. The audience is unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between authenticity and social expectations. Cassandra must balance her true feelings with the need to maintain a polite facade in the face of Madison's passive-aggressive comments.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a moderate emotional response, particularly in the interactions between Cassandra and Madison. There are moments of warmth, sympathy, and humor that resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is a highlight, showcasing wit, warmth, and humor. The exchanges between Cassandra and Madison are sharp and revealing, adding depth to their characters and the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the subtle power dynamics between the characters, the sharp dialogue exchanges, and the underlying tension that keeps the audience invested in the outcome of the interaction.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension through dialogue exchanges and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and a gradual build-up of tension. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a contrast between Cassandra and Madison, highlighting their differing life choices and circumstances. Madison's superficial warmth juxtaposed with Cassandra's underlying insecurities creates an engaging dynamic.
  • Cassandra's action of pouring ginger ale into a champagne glass is a clever visual metaphor for her desire to project an image of success and happiness, despite her internal struggles. This action subtly conveys her character's complexity without needing explicit dialogue.
  • The dialogue flows naturally, but Madison's compliments often carry an undertone of condescension, which is well-executed. However, the scene could benefit from more subtext in their conversation to deepen the tension and reveal more about their past relationship.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be enhanced by adding more beats or pauses to emphasize the emotional weight of their reunion. This would allow the audience to feel the tension and unspoken history between the characters more acutely.
  • While the scene sets up a clear visual and emotional contrast, it lacks a strong conflict or stakes that propel the narrative forward. Introducing a hint of tension or an underlying issue that Cassandra is grappling with in relation to Madison could heighten the drama.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Cassandra hesitates before pouring the ginger ale, allowing the audience to feel her internal conflict more deeply. This could be a brief flash of vulnerability that contrasts with her confident exterior.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue, perhaps through Madison's comments that could be interpreted in multiple ways. This would enrich the interaction and provide layers to their relationship.
  • Introduce a specific topic or memory from their past that creates tension or discomfort between them. This could serve as a catalyst for deeper emotional exploration and conflict in the scene.
  • Add a visual element that symbolizes Cassandra's internal struggle, such as a reflection in a nearby mirror showing her uncertainty or a moment where she glances at other patrons, contrasting her own feelings of inadequacy.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more ambiguous or unresolved note, perhaps with Cassandra's smile faltering as she reflects on Madison's comments, leaving the audience curious about her true feelings.



Scene 26 - Unspoken Truths
INT. HOTEL ST. JOAN RESTAURANT - LATER
The room is thinning out. ALFRED supervises as BUSBOY clears
the table after what has obviously been a long lunch. MADISON
is pretty drunk and gabbling.

MADISON
I thought I’d be literally bored out
of my skull looking after the kids.
But it’s great actually!

CASSIE pours the last dregs of a bottle of red into MADISON’S
glass. CASSIE’s own glass is still full- MADISON hasn’t
noticed.
MADISON (CONT'D)
Oh! Out already?
(to ALFRED)
Can we get another one?
A flicker of disapproval from ALFRED as he takes away the
empty bottle.

MADISON (CONT'D)
I haven’t been day drunk in forever!
So fun!

CASSANDRA
So fun!
53




MADISON continues.
MADISON
TBH, I know guys always say they
want their wives to work, but it’s
not true.

CASSANDRA
Really?
MADISON
They all want a feminist in college
because it’s cool to have a
girlfriend who cares about
something. And feminists are
statistically more likely do anal-
that’s a literal fact by the way-
but when it comes down to it, all
guys want the same thing.
54




CASSANDRA
And what’s that?
MADISON
A good girl.

CASSANDRA
I don’t seem to remember you were
that much of a good girl at college!
A new bottle is set down in front of them. MADISON fills up
her glass as she talks.
MADISON
Fred didn’t know me at college. He
met me when I was working at
L'Oréal.
CASSANDRA
Poor Fred!
MADISON
What he doesn’t know won’t kill him,
right? But d’you know the really
gross part?
She leans in.
MADISON (CONT'D)
I love it. I thought I’d miss my job
but...I really don’t. I love being a
housewife. It’s a turn-on actually.
MADISON looks at her glass. She is getting super drunk.

MADISON (CONT'D)
Jeez. How much have I had of this?
Such a lightweight.
CASSANDRA
I’m glad everything’s worked out so
well for you, Madison.

MADISON
Thanks. It really has.

CASSANDRA
Yeah.
BEAT.
55




CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
You know. I actually wanted to meet
today, to talk about something in
particular.
56




MADISON
I did wonder. No one has heard from
you in, like, forever.
CASSANDRA
I wanted to talk to you about why I
dropped out.
MADISON takes nervous a swallow of her drink.
MADISON
Ok. Sure.
CASSANDRA
You remember what happened, right?

MADISON
It was such a long time ago now...

CASSANDRA
I know. But you remember?

MADISON is uncomfortable.

MADISON
I mean...vaguely.
CASSANDRA
Do you ever think about it?

Beat.
MADISON
Why would I?

CASSANDRA
Right. Why would you.
MADISON is already starting to shift in her chair, she’s
slightly too drunk to handle what’s about to happen.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
If a friend came to you now,
tomorrow, let’s say, if they turned
up at your house tomorrow morning,
and told you that they thought
something had happened to them the
night before, something bad-
MADISON
Cassie-
CASSANDRA
-something bad. What would you say?
57




MADISON
It was years ago...
CASSANDRA
What would you say?

MADISON
It’s complicated...Ugh. I feel a
little...weird. I’m sorry.
MADISON is getting drunker and drunker by the minute.
CASSANDRA
Would you roll your eyes behind her
back and dismiss the whole thing as
drama?

MADISON
I don’t know why you’re mad at me!
It wasn’t just me who didn’t believe
it! When you have a reputation for
sleeping around then maybe people
won’t believe you when you say
something’s happened! I mean...it’s
crying wolf.
CASSANDRA
You thought it was crying wolf?

MADISON
I don’t make the rules, ok? If you
get that drunk things happen! Don’t
get blackout hammered every night
and then expect people to be on your
side when you have sex with someone
you didn’t want to!

She shouts this a little louder than she meant to, a few
diners turn to look. She’s sloppy drunk. CASSANDRA studies
her for a while, then-
CASSANDRA
That’s a shame. I was hoping you’d
feel differently.
MADISON shrugs.
MADISON
Sorry.
CASSANDRA
For your sake. I really was hoping
you’d feel differently by now.
58




MADISON
You’re mad. I... Why don’t I get the
check? My treat.
MADISON tries to get her purse, she’s so drunk, she’s having
trouble.

CASSANDRA
You ok, Madison?
MADISON
Yeah...no. I’ve drunk too much. How
did I...my head is spinning.
MADISON knocks over her glass.

MADISON (CONT'D)
Oh my god. Shit.

CASSANDRA gets up, throws some cash down on the table.
CASSANDRA
Nice seeing you again.

She looks down at MADISON, who is struggling to see straight.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
You really haven’t changed at all.

She leaves.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a tense afternoon conversation at the Hotel St. Joan restaurant, a drunken Madison revels in her life as a housewife while becoming increasingly defensive when Cassandra confronts her about a troubling past incident related to consent. As Cassandra challenges Madison's views, the discussion escalates, revealing deep-seated issues of accountability. Ultimately, Madison's intoxication hinders meaningful dialogue, leading to Cassandra's disappointment and departure, leaving Madison to grapple with her unresolved past.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Madison's drunkenness may distract from the seriousness of the conversation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates tension and emotional depth through the dialogue and interactions between the characters. The humor adds a layer of complexity to the serious subject matter, making it engaging for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revisiting past trauma and unresolved issues between friends is compelling and drives the emotional core of the scene. It explores complex themes with nuance and depth.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the characters' interactions and revelations about their past. It adds depth to the overall narrative and sets up potential conflicts for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on gender dynamics, societal expectations, and personal growth, offering a unique take on familiar themes.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their dialogue and actions. The contrast between Cassandra and Madison adds layers to their relationship dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Both Cassandra and Madison undergo emotional shifts during the scene, revealing deeper layers of their personalities and unresolved issues from the past.

Internal Goal: 8

Madison's internal goal is to maintain her facade of contentment with her current lifestyle choices, despite underlying discomfort and guilt.

External Goal: 7

Madison's external goal is to navigate a difficult conversation with Cassandra about a past event, while trying to avoid confrontation and maintain her image.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Cassandra and Madison is palpable, escalating as they confront past traumas and differing perspectives. It drives the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, creating conflict and challenging the characters' beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of emotional impact and the potential consequences of confronting past traumas. The characters' relationship and personal growth are at risk.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters' past and setting up potential conflicts for future developments. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in its exploration of complex emotions and ethical dilemmas, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of accountability, victim-blaming, and societal perceptions of consent and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in the tense confrontation between Cassandra and Madison. The regret and defensiveness add layers to the characters' interactions.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, revealing, and emotionally charged. It effectively conveys the characters' conflicting emotions and adds depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its compelling character dynamics, moral ambiguity, and escalating tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, enhancing the emotional impact of the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions, effectively conveying character actions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure, with clear character motivations and narrative progression, maintaining audience engagement.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Cassandra and Madison, showcasing their contrasting life choices and the underlying issues of accountability and consent. However, the dialogue can feel a bit heavy-handed at times, particularly when Cassandra directly confronts Madison about the past. This could be more subtly woven into the conversation to maintain a natural flow.
  • Madison's drunkenness serves as a useful device to illustrate her inability to engage meaningfully in the conversation, but it also risks making her character seem one-dimensional. Adding layers to her character, perhaps by showing moments of clarity or vulnerability amidst her drunkenness, could enhance the emotional depth of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, particularly as the conversation shifts from light-hearted banter to serious accusations. A smoother transition between these tones would help maintain the audience's engagement and make the confrontation feel more organic.
  • Cassandra's motivations for confronting Madison could be more clearly defined. While it's evident she wants to address a serious issue, providing more context or backstory about their relationship and the incident in question would deepen the audience's understanding of her emotional stakes.
  • The visual elements, such as the setting of the upscale restaurant and the actions of the characters, are well-established. However, incorporating more sensory details—like the sounds of the restaurant or the physical sensations of the characters—could enhance the atmosphere and draw the audience further into the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider softening the dialogue in the confrontation to allow for more subtext. Instead of Cassandra directly asking Madison about her thoughts on the past, she could share her feelings first, prompting Madison to reflect without feeling defensive.
  • Introduce moments where Madison shows signs of awareness or regret about her past actions, even in her drunken state. This could create a more complex character and allow for a more nuanced interaction between the two women.
  • Work on the pacing by inserting brief pauses or lighter moments between the heavier dialogue. This can help the audience digest the serious themes while still keeping the tone engaging.
  • Provide a flashback or a brief recollection from Cassandra's perspective earlier in the scene to give the audience context about the incident she wants to discuss, making her confrontation more impactful.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience. Describe the sounds of clinking glasses, the chatter of other diners, or the smell of food to ground the audience in the setting.



Scene 27 - A Disturbing Encounter
INT. HOTEL ST. JOAN RESTAURANT - BAR - MOMENTS LATER
CASSANDRA walks up to TONY, a well-dressed, handsome young
man who has been sitting at the bar. She gets an envelope out
of her purse, and a room key.
TONY
So...?
CASSANDRA
She’s over there.
She points to MADISON, and hands him the envelope and key.

CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
Room 25.
TONY
You sure about this?
59




CASSANDRA
(ice cold)
I’m sure.
60




She leaves the hotel. TONY, disturbed, watches her go.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary CASSANDRA approaches TONY at the bar of Hotel St. Joan, handing him an envelope and a room key while indicating MADISON's location. Despite TONY's doubts, CASSANDRA's cold demeanor reassures him, leaving him conflicted. After their brief exchange, CASSANDRA departs, leaving TONY visibly disturbed as he watches her leave.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Intriguing setup for future conflicts
  • Strong execution of suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
  • Potential lack of clarity on character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a mysterious and tense atmosphere, hinting at upcoming conflicts and character developments. The interaction between Cassandra and Tony leaves the audience intrigued and eager to learn more.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of setting up a mysterious encounter between Cassandra and Tony in a hotel bar is intriguing and sets the stage for future plot developments. The scene effectively introduces new elements and raises questions for the audience.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with the introduction of a new character, Tony, and the setup for a potential conflict involving Madison. The scene adds depth to the overall narrative and keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar scenario of clandestine dealings but adds a fresh twist with the characters' ambiguous motivations and subtle interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Cassandra and Tony are well-developed in this scene, with their interactions revealing tension and hidden motives. The introduction of Tony adds a new dynamic to the story and sets the stage for future character arcs.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of Tony hints at potential shifts in dynamics and motivations for Cassandra. The scene sets the stage for future character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal is to maintain control and hide her emotions, as seen in her cold demeanor when handing Tony the envelope and key.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to deliver the envelope and key to Tony, indicating she is involved in some kind of secretive or illicit activity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is subtle but palpable, with tensions running high between Cassandra and Tony. The underlying conflict and potential betrayal add depth to the narrative and keep the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Tony challenges Cassandra's actions and creates conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as Cassandra's actions suggest a risky and potentially dangerous plan involving Tony and Madison. The scene sets up a tense and suspenseful situation with potentially severe consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new characters and setting up potential conflicts. The audience gains valuable insights into the characters' motivations and the direction of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' hidden agendas and the uncertain outcome of their interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between trust and betrayal, as Tony questions Cassandra's actions and motives.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of unease and suspense, leaving the audience emotionally invested in the unfolding events. The tension between the characters and the mysterious setup contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is tense and impactful, conveying the underlying emotions and motivations of the characters. The exchanges between Cassandra and Tony are sharp and hint at deeper layers of conflict.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious atmosphere and the characters' enigmatic behavior, drawing the audience into the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a gradual reveal of information and a climactic moment of conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard format for a suspenseful encounter, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension and foreboding through Cassandra's cold demeanor and the disturbed reaction of Tony. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by providing more context about Cassandra's motivations and the significance of her actions. Why is she so resolute? What does this mean for her relationship with Madison and Tony?
  • Cassandra's dialogue is succinct, which works well for her icy character, but it may benefit from a touch more subtext or internal conflict. A brief moment of hesitation or a flash of emotion could add depth to her character and make her decision feel more impactful.
  • Tony's reaction is appropriately disturbed, but the scene could explore his character further. What is his relationship with Cassandra and Madison? Adding a line or two that hints at his feelings or concerns could enrich the scene and provide a clearer understanding of the dynamics at play.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. A brief moment that connects Cassandra's feelings from her last interaction with Madison to her current actions could create a smoother narrative flow and enhance the emotional continuity.
  • The visual elements of the scene are minimal. Describing the setting in more detail—such as the ambiance of the hotel bar, the expressions on the faces of the characters, or the reactions of other patrons—could enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience more fully in the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line of internal dialogue or a brief flashback that reveals Cassandra's emotional state or her history with Madison, which would provide context for her coldness and determination.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or conflict in Cassandra's demeanor before she hands over the envelope and key to Tony, which could create a more dynamic emotional arc within the scene.
  • Expand on Tony's character by including a line that reveals his thoughts or feelings about the situation, which would help to establish his role in the narrative and his relationship with both women.
  • Create a smoother transition from the previous scene by incorporating a brief moment that reflects Cassandra's feelings about Madison before she approaches Tony, enhancing the narrative flow.
  • Enhance the visual description of the hotel bar setting to create a more vivid atmosphere, which could help to underscore the tension and emotional stakes of the scene.



Scene 28 - Deceptive Encounters
INT. MAKE ME COFFEE SHOP - DAY
On CASSIE’S phone vibrating. It’s MADISON. It rings off, and
reveals: 13 MISSED CALLS. CASSANDRA looks down at the phone
impassively. A few seconds as she thinks what to do. Then-
She picks up her phone, and dials. Voicemail.
MADISON (O.S.)
Cassie...hi...wonderful to see you
for lunch yesterday...blast from the
past! Uh...hey I was pretty drunk, I
can’t...really
....look did you see me talking to a
guy? Like...our age...Just trying to
piece some things together...

CASSANDRA skips to the next message.
MADISON (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Cassie, sorry, please call me
back...I freaking out a
little...just...will you call me..?
I woke up in one of the hotel rooms
...I think something might have
happened...

CASSANDRA hangs up, emotionless. She gets her book from out
of her bag.
CASSANDRA opens it: she crosses out a name: MADISON. On rest
of the page we glimpse a few notes: “Hotel St Joan” a phone
number, another name “Tony”, another number.
She looks at the next name on the list: WALKER.

I/E. CAR - SANTA LUCIA HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
CASSIE sits inside her car, listening to sugary pop music.
It’s a mess- full of papers and a huge, professional-looking
make-up bag. Her book is there too, among the debris. She
looks different, hair in a pony tail, pink cardigan: pretty,
young and un-threatening.

She’s parked outside a high school, watching teenaged girls
as they leave at the end of the day, giggling and talking.
61




A girl walks out with her Queen Bee friends. She’s super-
beautiful, long shiny hair, she looks older than her fifteen
years. This is AMBER. Her phone beeps and she stops to look
at it- her friends leave.
AMBER
See you tomorrow, bitches.
She’s alone. CASSANDRA leans over and gets her attention.
62




CASSANDRA
Excuse me? Hi! Sorry! Excuse me!
AMBER looks over.
AMBER
Me?
CASSANDRA
Yeah!
AMBER
What’s up?
CASSANDRA
I’m so sorry to bother you- my phone
has died and I’m really late for
work. Do you live round here? You
know the area?

AMBER
(impatient)
I guess.

CASSANDRA
Can you tell me how to get to the
Castle Diner?
AMBER
Sorry. I’m late, so...
AMBER begins to walk off.
CASSANDRA
Wait! Please, I’m supposed to be
shooting this music video and I’ve
got to get-
AMBER
Music video?
CASSANDRA
Yeah. I’m a make-up artist and it’s
my first time working with these
guys and if I’m late I may as well-

AMBER looks into the car. She sees CASSANDRA’s papers, they
are covered in headshots and info on “WetDreams”, a One
Direction-style boyband.
AMBER
Oh my god.
CASSANDRA hastily covers the papers.
63




AMBER (CONT'D)
OH MY GOD. Are you working for
WetDreams?? OH MY GOD!!!!
CASSANDRA
You didn’t see that.

AMBER
I know where the Castle Diner is!
CASSANDRA
Don’t worry about it! I’ll ask
someone else!
AMBER
No way! NO WAY! Are they there? Oh
my god. ARE THEY THERE?
CASSANDRA
Look, keep your voice down, please.
AMBER
I can direct you! Please, please,
please!

CASSANDRA
Sorry, no-
AMBER
(smug)
If I don’t come and direct you then
how will you find it?
CASSANDRA thinks, she’s desperate.

CASSANDRA
I can’t. If you tell anyone or post
this online I’ll never work again.
AMBER
I swear I won’t. I swear. Take my
phone!! Seriously.

She holds out her phone. CASSANDRA relents.
CASSANDRA
Oh god. OK get in. But you have to
be cool about this.
AMBER
OF COURSE I WILL!!!
AMBER gets in. She hands over her phone to CASSIE- it’s got a
sparkly “WetDreams” phone case.
64




CASSANDRA
Woah. You really are a fan.
AMBER
I’m ob-sessed. I have a whole Insta
dedicated to George’s dog.

CASSANDRA
What a crazy coincidence.
AMBER
You know what. This is fate.
CASSANDRA
Sure seems like it, doesn’t it?

CASSANDRA pockets AMBER’S phone and starts the engine. AMBER
looks out of her window, almost dying of excitement: she only
has a second to register the car doors locking.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary CASSANDRA receives distressing voicemails from MADISON, hinting at trouble after a night out, but remains emotionally detached as she crosses out MADISON's name in her notes. Later, she encounters AMBER, a teenage girl excited by CASSANDRA's connection to a boyband. Under false pretenses, CASSANDRA engages AMBER and allows her into the car, locking the doors as she starts the engine, creating a tense and potentially dangerous situation.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Unexpected twist
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of drama, comedy, and tension to create an engaging and unexpected encounter between Cassandra and Amber. The dialogue and character dynamics add depth to the scene, making it intriguing and entertaining.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Cassandra encountering a teenage fan and reluctantly allowing her to help navigate to a location adds an interesting layer to the story. It introduces a new dynamic and sets the stage for potential future developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward by introducing a new character, establishing conflict, and hinting at potential consequences of Cassandra's actions. It adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience intrigued.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the celebrity-obsessed culture and explores the consequences of fame and deception. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Amber are well-developed in this scene, with their personalities and motivations shining through their interactions. The dynamic between them adds depth and intrigue to the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development for Cassandra and Amber in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassie's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her professional reputation and avoid any potential negative consequences that could arise from her interaction with Amber.

External Goal: 7

Cassie's external goal is to find her way to the Castle Diner for a music video shoot with the boyband 'WetDreams'.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily driven by Cassandra's desperation and the tension between her desire to maintain anonymity and Amber's excitement. It adds depth to the interaction and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Cassie facing challenges from both external factors (finding the Castle Diner) and internal conflicts (maintaining her professional reputation). The audience is kept on edge as they wonder how Cassie will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are moderate, primarily driven by Cassandra's desperation to maintain anonymity and the potential consequences of her actions. It sets the stage for potential high-stakes developments in future interactions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new character, establishing conflict, and hinting at potential consequences for Cassandra's actions. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as Amber's fan obsession and Cassie's decision to involve her in the music video shoot. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of trust, deception, and the consequences of fame. Cassie must navigate the delicate balance between maintaining her professional image and dealing with a fan who could potentially expose her secret.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by Cassandra's desperation and the tension between her and Amber. It sets the stage for potential emotional developments and character growth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging, with a good balance of humor, tension, and authenticity. It effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding interaction.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, sharp dialogue, and high stakes. The interactions between Cassie and Amber create tension and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the urgency and stakes of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character motivations and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Cassandra's emotional detachment as she listens to Madison's increasingly frantic voicemails. This contrast between Madison's distress and Cassandra's impassivity highlights Cassandra's internal conflict and sets the stage for her subsequent actions.
  • Cassandra's decision to cross out Madison's name in her book is a powerful visual cue that signifies a turning point in their relationship. However, the scene could benefit from a deeper exploration of Cassandra's emotions during this moment. Adding internal monologue or brief flashbacks could enhance the audience's understanding of her motivations.
  • The transition from the coffee shop to the car is smooth, but the introduction of Amber feels somewhat abrupt. While the dialogue between Cassandra and Amber is engaging, it may help to establish a clearer connection between Cassandra's previous actions and her current situation. This could be achieved by hinting at Cassandra's intentions or emotional state before she interacts with Amber.
  • Amber's character is introduced as a typical teenage fan, which works well for the scene's tone. However, her dialogue could be more varied to avoid clichés. Instead of relying on common phrases like 'Oh my god,' consider giving her a unique voice that reflects her personality and excitement.
  • The locking of the car doors at the end of the scene is a strong visual and narrative choice, suggesting a darker turn in Cassandra's intentions. However, it might be beneficial to foreshadow this moment earlier in the scene, perhaps through Cassandra's body language or subtle hints in her dialogue that indicate her desperation.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate internal monologue or flashbacks to provide insight into Cassandra's emotional state as she listens to Madison's voicemails. This will help the audience connect with her character on a deeper level.
  • Consider expanding Amber's character by giving her more distinctive dialogue that reflects her personality, rather than relying on typical fan phrases. This will make her more memorable and engaging.
  • Foreshadow Cassandra's darker intentions earlier in the scene through her body language or subtle hints in her dialogue. This will create a more cohesive narrative and enhance the tension leading up to the car door locking.
  • Explore the emotional weight of Cassandra crossing out Madison's name in her book. Adding a brief moment of reflection or hesitation could heighten the impact of this action.
  • Ensure that the transition between the coffee shop and the car feels more connected by hinting at Cassandra's motivations or emotional state before she meets Amber. This will create a smoother narrative flow.



Scene 29 - Confronting the Past
EXT. FORREST UNIVERSITY - DAY
CASSANDRA strides past a “Forrest University” sign, marching
through GRAD STUDENTS toward the building’s doors.

INT. FORREST UNIVERSITY WAITING ROOM - DAY

CASSANDRA disdainfully reads the cheesy university’s
prospectus. Slogan: “Forrest University: Where All Your
Beginnings Begin!”. The secretary, JEAN, calls over to
CASSANDRA.

JEAN
Dean Walker is ready if you’d like
to go on through.
CASSANDRA gets up.

INT. FORREST UNIVERSITY - DEAN’S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER
A gorgeous, wood-paneled office. Behind the desk is DEAN
WALKER, a well-dressed and polished woman in her late-
fifties. She has the patient warmth of a psychiatrist: a
woman used to smoothing over her students problems. A kind,
clever and reasonable person.

DEAN WALKER
Daisy?
CASSANDRA
That’s me.
65




DEAN WALKER
Come in. Welcome.
66




CASSANDRA sits down. DEAN WALKER consults her notes.
DEAN WALKER (CONT'D)
My assistant tells me you’re
thinking of resuming med school.

CASSANDRA
That’s right.
DEAN WALKER
So what prompted this desire to
finish your studies now, if you
don’t mind my asking?
CASSANDRA
Not at all. I guess... I couldn’t
stop thinking about my time here.
DEAN WALKER
It’s an extraordinary place. Of
course, we’d love to accommodate you
if we can. But, you have to
understand, this is a little
unusual.

CASSANDRA
Yes. But I left in unusual
circumstances.

DEAN WALKER looks at her blankly.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
I left because of what happened to
Nina.

Nothing.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
Nina Fisher.
DEAN WALKER
I’m so sorry, I’m not following you.

CASSANDRA
You don’t remember her?

DEAN WALKER
We have so many students. I wish I
could remember them all by name.
But-
CASSANDRA
Then maybe you remember Alexander
Monroe, Al Monroe?
67




DEAN WALKER
Oh yes! Of course I remember
Alexander! He came and did a talk
for our students not long ago. Nice
guy. Very smart. Is he a friend of
yours?

CASSANDRA
No. So, you don’t remember the
accusations made against Al Monroe?
DEAN WALKER frowns- she genuinely can’t remember.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
He took a girl- Nina Fisher, the
girl you don’t remember- back to his
dorm where he had sex with her,
repeatedly and in front of his
friends, while she was too drunk to
have any idea what was going on.
DEAN WALKER
I don’t-

CASSANDRA
She was covered in bruises the next
day. Handprints, I guess you could
say.

DEAN WALKER takes this very seriously.
DEAN WALKER
I’m so sorry. That is terrible. Was
it reported?

CASSANDRA
Yes.
DEAN WALKER
Who did Nina go to?
DEAN WALKER opens her book to note it down.

CASSANDRA
You.

DEAN WALKER is silent. She puts her pen down.
DEAN WALKER
Oh.
CASSANDRA
But you can’t remember so...
68




DEAN WALKER looks at CASSANDRA sympathetically.
69




CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
You felt there wasn’t sufficient
evidence. It was too much of a ‘he
said/she said’ situation. You
thought that his version of events
seemed, what word did you
use...”credible”.
DEAN WALKER is genuinely saddened.
DEAN WALKER
(gentle)
We get so many of these accusations.
There’s usually one or two a week-
one every morning early in semester
when everyone’s partying. I have to
take each claim on its own merits.
I’m so sorry that I don’t remember
this individual case, but I can
assure you that I would have looked
into it thoroughly at the time.

CASSANDRA
His friends were all watching,
laughing. Some of them maybe even
joined in.
DEAN WALKER
I understand it must be very hard.
But if Nina was drinking, if she
couldn’t remember fully, it’s
terribly complicated.
CASSANDRA
So she shouldn’t have been drunk?
DEAN WALKER
I don’t mean that. I just mean that
it isn’t always a good idea to go
back to a dorm room full of boys
after a party. It gives them the
wrong idea...We do advise against
it. We try to warn girls to be more
careful. To teach them about self-
respect.

CASSANDRA
So it was her fault? For not
respecting herself?
(beat)
Sorry! I don’t mean to sound
critical, Dean Walker. I just want
to be clear.
70




DEAN WALKER
(kind)
None of us wants to admit when we’ve
made ourselves vulnerable. And
sometimes these kind of mistakes are
very damaging. It’s much more common
than you’d know.
CASSANDRA
I know how common it is.
DEAN WALKER
Of course, it’s...regrettable.
CASSANDRA
Regrettable?

DEAN WALKER
(patient, kind)
What would you have me do? Ruin a
young man’s life every time an
accusation is made? Have them
expelled? That wouldn’t be fair.
Accusations like this, they ruin
lives.
CASSANDRA
So you’re happy to take the boy’s
word for it?

DEAN WALKER
I have to give them the benefit of
the doubt, yes.

CASSANDRA
Of course you do.
DEAN WALKER
Innocent until proven guilty. It has
to be.
CASSANDRA
No arguing with that.

DEAN WALKER
I’m afraid not.

CASSANDRA gets up.
CASSANDRA
Thank you for your time.
71




DEAN WALKER
I wish I could do more. Is your
friend ok?
CASSANDRA
No. She’s not. But Al Monroe is,
you’ll be glad to know he’s doing
really well. He’s getting married.
DEAN WALKER doesn’t respond.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
So you did the right thing, I guess.
We have to give these boys the
benefit of the doubt.

Beat.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
That’s why I know that you won’t
mind that-

She glances at her watch.

CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
-three hours ago I picked your
daughter Amber up from school and
introduced her to the boys who live
in that dorm now.

BEAT.
DEAN WALKER
What did you say?

CASSANDRA
She is really pretty, huh? And she
looks a lot older than she is.
DEAN WALKER
I don’t believe you.
DEAN WALKER is trying not to panic.

CASSANDRA
I noticed that they had a few
bottles of vodka in their room too.
But I’m sure they’ll take good care
of your daughter. She seemed excited
to meet them actually!
DEAN WALKER
Is this a joke? What is wrong with
you? You’re sick!
72




DEAN WALKER, shaking, picks up her phone, tries her
daughter’s cell.
CASSANDRA’s pocket rings.
The DEAN looks at her, horrified.

CASSANDRA
Oh right! Here it is. She’ll be
wanting that later.
She gets the phone out of her pocket and places it down on
DEAN WALKER’S desk. DEAN WALKER stares at it dumbly as what
this means sinks in.
DEAN WALKER
Oh my god. Are you crazy?
CASSANDRA
No.
DEAN WALKER
Which room is she in?? Tell me right
now! What kind of monster are you?
TELL ME?
CASSANDRA
I told you. The same room Nina was
in.

DEAN WALKER is totally freaking out.
DEAN WALKER
I don’t remember it! I already
said...
CASSANDRA
That’s a shame. Then I sure hope
you’re right to trust those boys!
DEAN WALKER
I’m calling the police.

She picks up the phone.
CASSANDRA
It’ll take them a while to get
here... you think there’s time?
The Dean is in tears.
73




DEAN WALKER
Please... she’s just a little girl.
CASSANDRA
I wonder if she looks so little to
those guys...

DEAN WALKER
JUST FUCKING TELL ME!!
CASSANDRA raises her eyebrows. DEAN WALKER has shocked
herself. She switches tack, starts begging.
DEAN WALKER (CONT'D)
Look, you’re right, OK? Is that what
you want to hear? You’re right.

She means it.

DEAN WALKER (CONT'D)
You’re right!

Beat.

CASSANDRA
See. Look how easy it was! You just
needed to think about it properly,
didn’t you? I guess it feels
different when it’s someone you
love.
DEAN WALKER
Please tell me which room she’s in.

CASSANDRA waits. Watches her panic. Lets her freak out for a
moment more. Then-
CASSANDRA
Hey! Relax! Honestly, Dean Walker!
Did you really think I’d do
something like that? Luckily I don’t
have as much faith in college boys
as you do!
(beat)
Amber is sitting in a diner waiting
for her favorite boyband to turn up
for a music video. It’s the Castle
Diner if you want to call and check.
You should probably call actually,
otherwise she’ll never figure out
they’re not coming.
(beat)
She’s kind of an idiot, huh?
(MORE)
74



CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
Gorgeous though. Who needs brains?
They never did a girl any good.
DEAN WALKER is shivering with shock. Mute. CASSANDRA opens
the door.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
There’s a girl outside in the
waiting room. I hope you’ll listen
to her if she’s coming to talk to
you about something serious.
(beat)
Good to see you again, Dean Walker.
CASSANDRA leaves. DEAN WALKER watches her go.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Cassandra arrives at Forrest University to discuss her return to medical school but quickly confronts Dean Walker about the university's mishandling of a sexual assault case involving former student Nina Fisher. As tensions rise, Cassandra reveals she has taken Dean Walker's daughter, Amber, to the site of the assault, forcing the dean to confront her failures in protecting students. The scene culminates in an emotional exchange that leaves Dean Walker shaken and unable to defend her actions, highlighting systemic issues of victim-blaming.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Compelling dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering subject matter
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and thought-provoking, tackling a sensitive subject matter with depth and complexity. The confrontation between Cassandra and Dean Walker is gripping and impactful, leaving a lasting impression on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of addressing past trauma and seeking justice within a university setting is compelling and relevant. The scene effectively explores themes of power, accountability, and the complexities of navigating systems that often fail survivors of assault.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the overarching narrative, revealing key information about the characters' pasts and motivations. It adds depth and complexity to the story, setting up future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and bold approach to the topic of sexual assault, victim blaming, and power dynamics within academia. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters in the scene are well-developed and multi-dimensional, with conflicting emotions and motivations that drive the intense confrontation. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 9

The scene leads to significant character changes, particularly for Cassandra and Dean Walker, as they confront past traumas and grapple with issues of accountability and justice. Their interactions shape their future decisions and relationships.

Internal Goal: 9

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to confront Dean Walker about the mishandling of a sexual assault case involving her friend Nina. This reflects Cassandra's deeper need for justice and closure for her friend's trauma.

External Goal: 7.5

Cassandra's external goal is to expose Dean Walker's negligence and potentially save Dean Walker's daughter from a dangerous situation. This reflects the immediate challenge Cassandra is facing in seeking justice and protecting others.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense emotional stakes and a confrontational dynamic between the characters. The power struggle and emotional turmoil drive the tension, making the scene compelling and impactful.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Cassandra confronting Dean Walker about a sensitive and controversial topic. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will unfold, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with emotional, moral, and personal consequences at play. The characters' actions and decisions have far-reaching implications, impacting their relationships, reputations, and future trajectories.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It adds complexity and depth to the narrative, driving the plot towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twist at the end, where Cassandra reveals the truth about Dean Walker's daughter. The audience is kept guessing and surprised by the turn of events.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of victim blaming, power dynamics, and the handling of sexual assault cases. It challenges Cassandra's beliefs in seeking justice and holding those in power accountable.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.4

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong reactions from the audience due to its intense and disturbing subject matter. The emotional depth and complexity of the characters add layers of resonance and empathy.

Dialogue: 9.3

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, impactful, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the characters' conflicting perspectives and emotions. It drives the tension and conflict, making the scene compelling and engaging.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense confrontation, moral dilemmas, and unexpected twists. The audience is kept on edge, invested in the outcome of the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, building tension and suspense effectively. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the scene's intensity and impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8.5

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting. It follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and flow.

Structure: 8.5

The scene follows a well-paced structure, building tension and suspense effectively. It adheres to the expected format for its genre, maintaining a clear narrative arc.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Cassandra's confrontation with Dean Walker, highlighting the systemic issues surrounding victim-blaming and the protection of male students. However, the dialogue can feel a bit on-the-nose at times, particularly when Cassandra directly states the facts about Nina's case. This could be more subtly woven into the conversation to maintain a natural flow.
  • Cassandra's character is strong and assertive, which is compelling, but her motivations could be more clearly defined. While her actions are driven by a desire for justice, the emotional stakes could be heightened by exploring her personal connection to Nina more deeply. This would add layers to her confrontation and make her actions feel even more justified.
  • Dean Walker's character is portrayed as sympathetic yet oblivious, which works well to illustrate the institutional failures. However, her responses could benefit from more complexity. Instead of simply being defensive, she could show signs of internal conflict or guilt, which would make her a more rounded character and enhance the tension between her and Cassandra.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but there are moments where the dialogue could be tightened. For instance, some exchanges feel repetitive, particularly when Cassandra reiterates the details of Nina's case. Streamlining these lines could maintain the scene's momentum and keep the audience engaged.
  • The visual elements of the scene are effective, particularly the contrast between the polished office and the gravity of the conversation. However, incorporating more sensory details could enhance the atmosphere. Describing the sounds of the office, the tension in the air, or even the physical reactions of the characters could draw the audience further into the emotional landscape of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider deepening Cassandra's emotional connection to Nina by including a brief flashback or a personal anecdote that illustrates their relationship. This would provide more context for her motivations and make her confrontation with Dean Walker more impactful.
  • Introduce more nuance to Dean Walker's character by allowing her to express some internal conflict or regret about the university's handling of such cases. This could create a more dynamic interaction between her and Cassandra, making the confrontation feel less one-sided.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing repetitive lines and focusing on the most impactful exchanges. This will help maintain the scene's pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene. Describing the sounds, smells, and physical sensations can create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat. Instead of simply having Cassandra leave, perhaps include a moment where she reflects on the weight of her actions or the implications of her confrontation, leaving the audience with a lingering sense of tension.



Scene 30 - Shattered Calm
INT. CAR - DAY
Close on CASSANDRA. Wagner’s “Liebestod” play on the radio.
She’s sitting with her face against the steering wheel. She’s
almost in a fugue state. What the hell did she just do?
Through the music, she becomes aware of a loud honking. It’s
been going on for a while. She comes out of her daze, as-
A guy in a pick-up truck, GEORGE, screeches up beside her. He
honks and yells at her through his window.
GEORGE
Hey! HEY! What are you doing?
She ignores him.
GEORGE (CONT'D)
You’re sitting in the middle of the
road. Are you retarded or something?
She ignores him.
GEORGE (CONT'D)
Hey! I’m talking to you, look at me
when I’m talking to you!
CASSANDRA grabs a wheel lock from the passenger seat and
calmly gets out of her car.
GEORGE (CONT'D)
What are you...?
She goes over to his car and matter-of-factly smashes one of
his break lights. He can’t believe what’s happening.
75




GEORGE (CONT'D)
What the hell are you doing?
She smashes in the other break light. She comes around to the
front.

GEORGE (CONT'D)
Hey! HEY! STOP! STOP!
She smashes his windscreen.
GEORGE (CONT'D)
You crazy fucking bitch!
CASSANDRA goes around to his window, holding the wheel lock
threateningly.

CASSANDRA
(calm)
What did you call me?
He looks at her. He actually looks scared.

GEORGE
Fuck you!
He speeds away. Leaving her standing in the middle of the
road, surrounded by glass, completely shocked by what just
happened.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense confrontation on a busy road, Cassandra, lost in a daze while listening to Wagner's 'Liebestod', is confronted by George for blocking traffic. Ignoring his pleas, she erupts in violence, vandalizing his vehicle by smashing its brake lights and windscreen. George, shocked and frightened, speeds away, leaving Cassandra amidst the chaos she created, stunned by her own actions.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Powerful character development
  • Compelling conflict escalation
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Lack of resolution in the immediate aftermath

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is highly impactful, effectively portraying Cassandra's emotional turmoil and the escalation of conflict. It is a pivotal moment that reveals her inner struggles and sets the stage for significant character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Cassandra reaching her breaking point and confronting a disrespectful driver is compelling and adds depth to her character. It explores themes of anger, defiance, and self-discovery.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is significantly advanced through Cassandra's actions, revealing her inner turmoil and setting the stage for further developments. The scene adds layers to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to a confrontation between characters, with unexpected actions and dialogue that keep the audience engaged. The authenticity of the characters' reactions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Cassandra, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their emotional complexity and growth. The confrontation with the driver reveals new facets of Cassandra's personality.

Character Changes: 8

Cassandra undergoes a significant change in this scene, reaching her breaking point and confronting her emotions head-on. This moment marks a turning point in her character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to release her pent-up emotions and frustrations. Her actions reflect her inner turmoil and desire to assert herself in a situation where she feels powerless.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to confront George and assert her dominance in the situation. She wants to show him that she is not to be messed with.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and emotionally charged, driving the narrative forward and revealing the characters' inner conflicts. The confrontation with the driver adds a layer of external conflict to the story.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with George challenging Cassandra's actions and beliefs, creating a sense of conflict and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Cassandra confronts her inner demons and external challenges, leading to a moment of intense conflict and self-realization. The outcome has significant implications for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing key aspects of Cassandra's character and setting up future conflicts and developments. It adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and reactions of the characters, as well as the escalating conflict that keeps the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Cassandra's sense of justice and George's aggression. It challenges Cassandra's beliefs about standing up for herself and taking control of a situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking strong feelings of anger, shock, and defiance in both the characters and the audience. It resonates deeply with the themes of the story.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the escalating tension and emotional turmoil of the scene. It adds depth to the character interactions and enhances the confrontational tone.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and unpredictable nature, as well as the dynamic between the characters that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, with a gradual buildup of tension that leads to a climactic confrontation. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Cassandra's emotional turmoil following her previous actions, using the music and her physical state to convey her mental state. However, the transition from her internal conflict to the external confrontation with George could be more gradual to enhance the buildup of tension.
  • George's character serves as a catalyst for Cassandra's outburst, but his dialogue feels somewhat clichéd and lacks depth. His insults come off as generic, which diminishes the impact of the confrontation. A more nuanced approach to his character could add layers to the scene.
  • Cassandra's actions are shocking and serve as a powerful expression of her frustration, but the scene could benefit from a clearer motivation behind her vandalism. Providing a brief flashback or internal monologue could help the audience understand the emotional weight of her actions.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, but the dialogue could be tightened. Some of George's lines feel repetitive, which detracts from the urgency of the moment. Streamlining his dialogue would enhance the overall flow.
  • The visual imagery of Cassandra smashing the car windows is striking, but the aftermath of her actions could be explored further. A moment of reflection after George drives away could deepen the emotional resonance of the scene, allowing the audience to feel the weight of her actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or flashback that hints at Cassandra's emotional state before the confrontation with George. This could provide context for her actions and make her outburst more impactful.
  • Revise George's dialogue to make it more unique and reflective of his character. Instead of generic insults, consider giving him a more specific reason for his anger that ties into the themes of the story.
  • After the confrontation, include a moment where Cassandra reflects on what she just did, perhaps showing her initial shock turning into a realization of her own destructive behavior. This could add depth to her character arc.
  • Tighten George's dialogue to eliminate repetition and enhance the urgency of the scene. Focus on making each line count to maintain the tension.
  • Explore the aftermath of the vandalism more thoroughly. Consider showing Cassandra's emotional response as she stands amidst the destruction, which could serve as a powerful moment of self-realization.



Scene 31 - Unspoken Tensions
EXT. CASSANDRA’S HOUSE - EVENING
CASSANDRA gets out of her car to find RYAN waiting outside
her house. She’s still on the edge, in no state of mind to
see him.

CASSANDRA
Ryan! What are you...?
RYAN
You weren’t picking up your phone
so...
She realizes.

CASSANDRA
Shit. The movie. I’m so sorry. I had
to work late.
RYAN
Yeah. I went past the coffee shop,
Gail said you took the afternoon
off.
76




CASSANDRA doesn’t know what to say.
RYAN (CONT'D)
Everything alright?
She’s desperate to get away.
77




CASSANDRA
It’s fine. Yeah. Sorry. I’m just in
the middle of something...
RYAN
Ok. We can still make it if we skip
dinner-
CASSANDRA
(terse)
I’m really tired. Can I just call
you tomorrow?
RYAN’s a little hurt but covers it.
RYAN
Sure.
(beat)
You sure you’re ok? You seem kind
of...
CASSANDRA
What?

RYAN
Wired.
CASSANDRA
I’m fine. Too much coffee. Don’t
work in a coffee shop.
RYAN
Right.
(beat)
Goodnight then, I guess.
CASSANDRA
Night.
RYAN gets into his car. A little annoyed.

OMITTED
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Cassandra arrives home to find Ryan waiting outside, but she is anxious and unprepared for their interaction. Despite Ryan's concern for her well-being, Cassandra brushes him off, claiming fatigue and suggesting they talk another time. This leaves Ryan feeling hurt and frustrated, highlighting the disconnect between them as Cassandra chooses to end the conversation abruptly. The scene captures the emotional tension and miscommunication, culminating in Ryan's disappointment as he drives away.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension and emotion
  • Subtle character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of clear resolution
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and emotional turmoil between the characters, setting up a compelling conflict for future development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the underlying tensions and unspoken emotions in Cassandra and Ryan's relationship is engaging and sets up future conflicts.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by revealing the strained dynamics between Cassandra and Ryan, hinting at deeper issues that will likely unfold in future scenes.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the challenges of balancing personal and professional life, with nuanced character interactions and relatable dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Cassandra and Ryan are well-developed in this scene, with their emotions and motivations effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development in Cassandra and Ryan.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal is to maintain a sense of control and independence, despite feeling overwhelmed and tired. This reflects her deeper need for autonomy and self-sufficiency.

External Goal: 7.5

Cassandra's external goal is to politely but firmly decline Ryan's offer to go out, as she is tired and preoccupied with work. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing personal relationships with professional responsibilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Cassandra and Ryan is subtly portrayed but adds depth to their relationship.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, as Cassandra and Ryan navigate their conflicting desires and expectations. The audience is kept engaged by the uncertainty of their interaction.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on emotional tension than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between Cassandra and Ryan, hinting at future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and emotional subtext between Cassandra and Ryan. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their interaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 6.5

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between personal desires and external expectations. Cassandra struggles to prioritize her own well-being while also considering Ryan's feelings and plans.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in the portrayal of Cassandra's inner turmoil.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and awkwardness between Cassandra and Ryan, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 8.5

This scene is engaging because of the subtle emotional dynamics between Cassandra and Ryan, as well as the relatable themes of work-life balance and personal boundaries.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, with well-timed pauses and character reactions. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the emotional tension between Cassandra and Ryan.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Cassandra's emotional turmoil following her violent outburst, but it could benefit from more visual and auditory cues to enhance the tension. For instance, incorporating sounds from the neighborhood or the ambiance of the evening could ground the scene in reality and amplify Cassandra's disorientation.
  • Cassandra's dialogue feels somewhat stilted and lacks the depth that could convey her internal struggle more vividly. Phrases like 'I’m fine. Too much coffee.' come off as dismissive and could be expanded to reflect her chaotic state of mind. This would help the audience empathize with her character and understand her emotional state better.
  • Ryan's concern for Cassandra is evident, but his responses could be more nuanced. Instead of simply asking if she's okay, he could express his worry in a way that reveals his deeper feelings for her, making the stakes of their interaction feel higher. This would create a more compelling dynamic between the two characters.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the dialogue exchanges. Allowing for pauses or beats where Cassandra processes her thoughts could create a more realistic and engaging interaction. This would also give the audience a moment to absorb the weight of her recent actions.
  • The scene ends abruptly, leaving the audience with a sense of unresolved tension. While this can be effective, it might be beneficial to include a moment of reflection for Cassandra after Ryan leaves, showcasing her internal conflict and setting the stage for her next actions.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the evening or the visual state of the neighborhood, to ground the scene and reflect Cassandra's mental state.
  • Expand Cassandra's dialogue to better convey her emotional turmoil. Consider using metaphors or more descriptive language to illustrate her feelings.
  • Develop Ryan's character further by allowing him to express his concern in a more layered way, perhaps by referencing past interactions or showing vulnerability.
  • Slow down the pacing of the dialogue to allow for natural pauses, giving both characters time to reflect on their words and emotions.
  • Consider adding a moment of introspection for Cassandra after Ryan leaves, which could provide insight into her thoughts and feelings, enhancing the emotional weight of the scene.



Scene 32 - Fractured Connections
INT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER
SUSAN is sitting at the table, reading a magazine. CASSANDRA
tries to creep past without stopping. No chance.
78




SUSAN
Hey! Did you catch that boy outside?
CASSANDRA reluctantly enters.
CASSANDRA
Yeah.
SUSAN
He seems nice.
CASSANDRA
He is.
CASSANDRA turns to go.

SUSAN
Come on. You just got in. Sit down.

CASSANDRA sits. SUSAN is steeling herself for something.
SUSAN (CONT'D)
Are you going to be ok now?

CASSANDRA
What do you mean?
SUSAN
Is this boy...is he making you feel
better? I’m sorry to pry. It’s
just...we’ve tried everything. Me
and your dad.
CASSANDRA
Please, Mom. Please can we not talk
about this now. Please.
A silence.
SUSAN
We have to talk about it someday.
(beat)
We think about her all the time too,
you know. She practically lived here
when you two were girls. If you
think that it didn’t affect us...

Beat.
CASSANDRA
Then why didn’t you ever talk about
it?
79




SUSAN
Because you were so angry, Cassie.
We couldn’t come near you. You have
no idea what it’s like, your anger.
CASSANDRA
Of course I’m angry!
SUSAN
But...it’s taken over everything.
(beat)
And whatever you do at night... You
don’t need to tell me what it is...
but...it seemed to work for a while.
And then...

SUSAN spreads out her hands.
SUSAN (CONT'D)
So if this boy is making you feel
good then, oh god, Cassie...

SUSAN starts to cry.

SUSAN (CONT'D)
I just want you to be happy. I want
you to feel better.
CASSANDRA reaches for her mother’s hand kindly.

CASSANDRA
Momma.
(cold)
Nothing makes me feel better.

She leaves.

INT. BLUE STAR BAR - NIGHT
Close in on CASSANDRA, on edge, dressed like a cut-price
Kardashian. Pretending to be drunk again, but it’s scary this
time. She’s vibrating with anger- it’s coming off her in
waves. Finally, someone approaches her, she looks up- does
she recognize him? We stay on her face.
PAUL (V.O.)
You want a drink?

She looks up at him: gotcha.
CASSANDRA
Why not?
80
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense kitchen conversation, Susan attempts to reach out to her daughter Cassandra about her emotional struggles and a boy she met, but Cassandra's defensive and cold demeanor reveals her unresolved anger from past trauma. Frustrated, she leaves the room, leading to a shift at the Blue Star Bar where Cassandra, dressed provocatively, encounters Paul, hinting at her troubled state and desire for connection amidst her pain.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tense confrontation
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and sets up a tense confrontation between Cassandra and her mother. The dialogue and character interactions are compelling, drawing the audience into the complex dynamics at play.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Cassandra's unresolved issues with her mother and her internal anger is effectively portrayed, adding layers to her character development. The scene sets up important emotional conflicts that will likely impact future events.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character relationships and emotional revelations, moving the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Cassandra's past and present struggles. The tension between characters adds intrigue to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring family dynamics and emotional trauma. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Cassandra and her mother, are well-developed and their emotional complexities are effectively portrayed. The scene allows for insight into their motivations and internal conflicts, enhancing the audience's connection to the story.

Character Changes: 8

Cassandra experiences a moment of reflection and confrontation with her mother, which could lead to potential character growth and resolution of past conflicts. The scene sets the stage for Cassandra to confront her internal struggles and make changes in her relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her emotional distance and protect herself from vulnerability. Her cold response to her mother's attempts to connect and understand her reflects her deeper fear of facing her own emotions and past traumas.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal in this scene is to avoid discussing her feelings and past with her mother. She wants to maintain control over her emotions and keep her mother at a distance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily emotional and internal, focusing on the strained relationship between Cassandra and her mother. The tension between them drives the narrative forward and sets the stage for further confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and desires driving the characters' interactions. The audience is left uncertain of how the conflict will be resolved, adding suspense and drama to the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on the strained relationship between Cassandra and her mother. The resolution of their conflicts could have significant impacts on Cassandra's character development and future decisions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Cassandra's past and present conflicts, setting up future developments and potential resolutions. The emotional revelations add layers to the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the emotional twists and turns in the characters' interactions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between emotional vulnerability and emotional detachment. Cassandra's mother wants her to open up and confront her feelings, while Cassandra struggles to maintain her emotional barriers.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of sadness, anxiety, and anger from the audience. The raw emotions displayed by the characters resonate strongly, drawing viewers into the intense confrontation and reflection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, revealing the underlying emotions and tensions between the characters. The exchanges between Cassandra and her mother are poignant and reflective of their strained relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth and complexity of the characters' relationships. The tension and conflict between Cassandra and her mother draw the audience in, creating a compelling and dramatic narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, creating a sense of urgency and emotional intensity. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, effectively conveying the emotional intensity and subtext of the characters' interactions. It follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth through the characters' interactions and dialogue. It follows the expected format for its genre, enhancing the narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Cassandra and her mother, Susan, highlighting the emotional weight of their unresolved issues. However, the dialogue can feel a bit on-the-nose at times, particularly when Susan expresses her desire for Cassandra to be happy. This could be more subtly conveyed through actions or less direct dialogue, allowing the audience to infer the depth of Susan's concern.
  • Cassandra's cold response, 'Nothing makes me feel better,' is powerful but could benefit from more buildup. The emotional stakes are high, but the transition from a moment of potential connection to her abrupt departure feels slightly rushed. A brief moment of vulnerability or hesitation from Cassandra before she leaves could enhance the impact of her words.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, but the emotional arc could be strengthened by incorporating more physicality. For instance, Susan's body language could reflect her emotional turmoil more vividly, perhaps by showing her fidgeting or wiping away tears before she breaks down. This would add a layer of visual storytelling that complements the dialogue.
  • The transition to the Blue Star Bar is abrupt. While it serves to show Cassandra's shift in environment and emotional state, a more gradual transition or a brief moment of reflection could help the audience understand her motivations for going out. This would also provide a clearer contrast between her home life and her nightlife.
  • The introduction of Paul at the bar is intriguing, but the scene could benefit from a clearer indication of Cassandra's recognition of him. The line 'does she recognize him?' feels vague. A more definitive reaction from Cassandra, whether it's surprise, fear, or anger, would ground the audience in her emotional state and set the stage for the upcoming interaction.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Susan's dialogue to be less explicit about her feelings and more suggestive, allowing the audience to infer her concerns through subtext.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or vulnerability for Cassandra before she delivers her cold line, enhancing the emotional weight of her departure.
  • Incorporate more physicality in Susan's performance to visually convey her emotional state, making the scene more dynamic.
  • Create a smoother transition between the kitchen scene and the bar, perhaps by including a brief moment of Cassandra reflecting on her conversation with her mother as she drives.
  • Clarify Cassandra's recognition of Paul by giving her a more pronounced reaction, which will help establish the stakes for their upcoming interaction.



Scene 33 - Neon Confrontation
EXT. BLUE STAR BAR - LATER
PAUL, wearing a fedora, is walking CASSANDRA out, her head is
lolling. PAUL looks at his phone.
PAUL
Fucking surge prices.
He looks at CASSANDRA, barely upright.
PAUL (CONT'D)
It’s not that far, can you walk?
CASSANDRA
Um. I don’t know...

PAUL
Good girl.

They start to walk, PAUL’s practically holding her up. Then-
RYAN (O.S.)
Cassie?

CASSANDRA turns around. RYAN is on his way into the bar. He
looks at her, shocked. CASSANDRA immediately sobers up. Well.
She’s not completely sober this time.
CASSANDRA
What are you doing here?
RYAN
I’m meeting some friends.
(beat)
Since my diary opened up last
minute.
CASSANDRA
Let me explain.
RYAN
No need. Seriously.

PAUL looks between them: awkward!
PAUL
Sorry, dude, I didn’t know she was
taken. She’s all yours.
RYAN looks at PAUL, disgusted.
RYAN
All mine? Do you even know her name?
81




PAUL steps back nervously, racking his brains.
82




PAUL
Um...Claire...?
CASSANDRA tries to diffuse this.
CASSANDRA
Eh. Pretty close...
RYAN looks at her, shocked. Shakes his head.
RYAN
Ok. Have a good night.
CASSANDRA
Don’t go. I’m sorry. Wait.

RYAN
Could have just told me you weren’t
interested, Cassie.

RYAN leaves. PAUL is giggling.

PAUL
ICE COLD!!!! That was humiliating!

CASSIE turns on him.
CASSANDRA
Why don’t you just fuck off now ok?

Paul looks at her.
PAUL
Wait. Are you sober?
(realizing)
Oh my god. You’re the psycho who
went home with Jez.
Beat.
CASSANDRA
I don’t know what you’re talking
about.

PAUL
Shit. Take your crazy elsewhere,
sweetheart. Not interested. You’re
not even that hot.
CASSANDRA is deadly calm.
CASSANDRA
You’re hardly dropping panties
yourself, Paul.
(MORE)
83



CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
When was the last time you scored
with someone in daylight?
84




Beat.
PAUL
Careful.
She takes a step towards him.

CASSANDRA
No. You be careful. I’m not the only
one who does this, you know? And
some of the other girls...they
really are crazy.
He backs away a little, nervously.
PAUL
I don’t believe you.
CASSANDRA
There’s a woman in this city who
carries a pair of scissors.
(she glances down at his
crotch)
Personally, I think she’s taking it
a little far but...
PAUL
(scared)
You’re lying.

CASSIE shrugs.
CASSANDRA
Then try it out next time you go
out. See what happens.
PAUL looks at her, he’s a little upset.
PAUL
Why do you all have to ruin
everything??
He runs off. She watches him go. Her eyes gleaming in the
neon of the club lights.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Outside the Blue Star Bar, Paul helps an inebriated Cassandra, but their exit is interrupted by Ryan, who is shocked by her condition. An awkward exchange ensues, leading to Cassandra confronting Paul about his arrogance and warning him of potential dangers from other women. Tension escalates, resulting in Paul feeling threatened and running away, leaving Cassandra alone in the neon glow.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be further developed for added impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-executed with a strong focus on tension and confrontation. The dialogue is impactful and keeps the audience engaged. However, some elements could be further developed to enhance the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a tense confrontation at a bar is engaging and adds depth to Cassandra's character. The scene effectively explores themes of assertiveness and unpredictability.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around the confrontation between Cassandra and Paul, adding to the overall tension and conflict. It contributes to Cassandra's character development and sets up future events.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of social dynamics and relationships in a nightlife setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding a layer of complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Paul are well-defined and their interactions feel authentic. Cassandra's assertive and defiant personality contrasts with Paul's nervousness, creating a dynamic exchange.

Character Changes: 8

Cassandra's assertive and defiant nature is further revealed in this scene, showcasing her willingness to confront others and stand her ground. Paul's nervousness and retreat highlight his vulnerability.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal is to assert her independence and defend herself against Paul's judgment and insults. She wants to show that she is not easily intimidated and can hold her own in a confrontation.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to salvage her interaction with Ryan and explain the situation to him. She wants to avoid any misunderstandings and maintain a positive relationship with him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tension escalating between Cassandra and Paul. Their confrontational dialogue and actions create a sense of unease and anticipation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations between the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the interactions will unfold, adding a layer of tension and unpredictability.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Cassandra confronts Paul in a tense and potentially dangerous situation. The outcome of their interaction could have significant consequences for both characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict and tension between characters. It sets the stage for future developments and reveals more about Cassandra's character.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected confrontations and revelations between the characters. The shifting power dynamics and emotional intensity add a layer of suspense to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' perceptions of each other and their willingness to confront uncomfortable truths. Cassandra challenges Paul's assumptions about her and warns him about the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, defiance, and unease. The intense confrontation between Cassandra and Paul leaves a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, intense, and impactful. It effectively conveys the tension between Cassandra and Paul, adding depth to their characters and the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic dialogue, tense interactions, and unpredictable twists. The characters' motivations and conflicts keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through well-timed dialogue and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing the readability of the script.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and escalating tension. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Cassandra and Paul, showcasing Cassandra's assertiveness and the power dynamics at play. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, Cassandra's confrontation with Paul feels somewhat surface-level; exploring her internal conflict about her actions and feelings towards Ryan could add layers to her character.
  • Cassandra's sudden shift from inebriation to clarity upon seeing Ryan is a strong moment, but it could be more nuanced. Instead of her immediately sobering up, consider showing her struggle to regain composure, which would make her character more relatable and realistic. This could also heighten the tension in her interaction with Ryan.
  • The dialogue between Paul and Cassandra is sharp and confrontational, but it risks becoming too comedic at times, which may undermine the gravity of the situation. Balancing humor with the underlying themes of misogyny and personal trauma could enhance the scene's impact.
  • Paul's character comes off as a caricature of a misogynistic man, which can detract from the authenticity of the scene. Providing him with more depth or a moment of vulnerability could create a more complex interaction, making Cassandra's confrontation feel more justified and impactful.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the exchanges between Cassandra and Ryan. Allowing for more pauses and reactions could build tension and give the audience time to absorb the emotional weight of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding internal monologue or visual cues that reflect Cassandra's emotional state as she interacts with Paul and Ryan. This could help the audience connect with her struggle and the weight of her decisions.
  • Introduce a moment where Cassandra hesitates or shows vulnerability when confronted by Ryan, which could create a more poignant contrast to her assertiveness with Paul. This would highlight her internal conflict and make her character more relatable.
  • Revise Paul's dialogue to include more subtlety or complexity, perhaps hinting at his own insecurities or fears. This could create a more engaging dynamic between him and Cassandra, rather than a straightforward antagonistic exchange.
  • Incorporate more physicality into the scene, such as Cassandra's body language or facial expressions, to convey her emotional turmoil and the tension in her interactions. This could enhance the visual storytelling and deepen the audience's engagement.
  • Consider extending the scene to allow for a more gradual build-up of tension, particularly in the moments leading up to Ryan's departure. This could create a more impactful climax and resolution to the confrontation.



Scene 34 - Isolation and Despair
INT. CASSANDRA’S HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY
The following morning, and things are looking bleak in the
cold light of day. CASSIE looks down at her book. She’s
starting to look and feel a little scary.
85




A new name: JORDAN GREEN. She dials the number next to it.
RECEPTIONIST (O.S.)
Halder Mackenzie Green.
CASSANDRA
Hi. I’d like to book an appointment
with Jordan Green, please.
RECEPTIONIST (O.S.)
I’m sorry, ma’am. Mr Green is on
sabbatical.
CASSANDRA
Oh. For how long?

Beat.
RECEPTIONIST (V.O.)
Indefinitely.
The receptionist hangs up. Weird.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene unfolds in Cassandra's bedroom the morning after a tense night, where she is visibly distressed and attempts to reach out to Jordan Green for help. However, she learns from a receptionist that he is on indefinite sabbatical, deepening her sense of isolation and confusion. The stark daylight contrasts with the previous night's vibrant atmosphere, emphasizing her bleak emotional state as she grapples with her growing despair.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of Cassandra's emotional state
  • Building tension and uncertainty
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of despair and uncertainty through Cassandra's failed attempt to seek help, setting a tone of hopelessness and confusion.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Cassandra's struggle to seek help and the revelation of Jordan Green's sabbatical adds depth to her character and sets up further obstacles for her journey.

Plot: 7

The plot progression is minimal in this scene, primarily focusing on Cassandra's emotional state and the roadblock she encounters, setting up potential conflicts and challenges.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of seeking help and showcases authentic dialogue that resonates with the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

Cassandra's character is well-developed in this scene, showcasing her vulnerability and determination to address her issues despite setbacks.

Character Changes: 6

Cassandra experiences a minor setback in her journey to seek help, highlighting her resilience and determination to overcome obstacles.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassie's internal goal is to seek help from Jordan Green, reflecting her need for guidance and support in a difficult situation.

External Goal: 7

Cassie's external goal is to book an appointment with Jordan Green, reflecting her immediate challenge of seeking professional help.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is internal, focusing on Cassandra's emotional turmoil and the roadblock she faces in trying to seek help.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and drive the narrative forward, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, centered around Cassandra's personal struggles and the roadblock she encounters in trying to address her issues.

Story Forward: 5

The scene provides minimal progression in the overall story, primarily focusing on Cassandra's emotional state and the obstacles she faces in seeking help.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of the outcome of Cassie's attempt to book an appointment, but the emotional journey adds depth.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Cassie's desire for help and the obstacle of Jordan Green being on sabbatical indefinitely. This challenges Cassie's belief in finding solutions to her problems.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of sadness and confusion, drawing the audience into Cassandra's emotional state and setting up potential emotional arcs for her character.

Dialogue: 6.5

The dialogue is straightforward and serves the purpose of conveying information about Jordan Green's absence, lacking in depth or emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and the protagonist's relatable struggle.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and conveys the protagonist's emotional state.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup and conflict resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Cassandra's bleak emotional state following the previous night's events, but it could benefit from more vivid imagery to enhance the atmosphere. Describing her physical appearance and surroundings in greater detail would help convey her mental turmoil more powerfully.
  • The dialogue with the receptionist is functional but lacks emotional depth. It feels somewhat flat and could be an opportunity to showcase Cassandra's desperation or anxiety about her situation. Adding a line or two that reflects her emotional state during the call could enhance the scene's impact.
  • The pacing of the scene is quite abrupt. The transition from the previous scene to this one feels jarring. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that illustrates Cassandra's state of mind before she makes the call could create a smoother flow.
  • The use of the name 'Jordan Green' is intriguing, but the scene does not provide enough context about who he is or why Cassandra is seeking him out. A brief internal monologue or flashback could clarify her motivations and heighten the stakes of her search for help.
  • The ending of the scene, with the receptionist's final line about Jordan being on sabbatical, is effective in creating a sense of foreboding. However, it could be strengthened by showing Cassandra's immediate reaction to this news, which would provide insight into her emotional state and set up the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the visual description of Cassandra's bedroom and her appearance to reflect her emotional state more vividly, using metaphors or similes to convey her feelings.
  • Add a line or two of internal dialogue during the phone call to express Cassandra's anxiety or desperation, making her emotional state more relatable to the audience.
  • Consider including a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that illustrates Cassandra's mental state before she makes the call, such as her looking at her surroundings or a flashback to the previous night.
  • Provide more context about Jordan Green, perhaps through a quick internal thought from Cassandra that hints at why she is seeking him out, which would add depth to her character's motivations.
  • Show Cassandra's immediate reaction to the receptionist's news about Jordan being on sabbatical, whether it's frustration, despair, or anger, to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.



Scene 35 - A Distressed Encounter
EXT. JORDAN’S HOUSE - DAY
CASSANDRA steps up to the front door of a nice, suburban
house. She doesn’t look so good, everything is starting to
take a toll. She rings the doorbell.

A good looking, middle-aged man opens the door. Unshaven, a
little red around the eyes. This is JORDAN.
JORDAN
Can I help you?

CASSANDRA
I really hope so.
JORDAN
I’m sorry. I’m no longer practicing
the law, if you’ve come for-
CASSANDRA
It’s not about that.

JORDAN senses something in her. Maybe even has a feeling of
what’s coming.
JORDAN
I’ve been waiting.
(beat)
Come in.
86




CASSANDRA looks a little unnerved, but she steps into the
house.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Cassandra arrives at Jordan's suburban home, visibly troubled and seeking help. Initially misunderstood by Jordan, a disheveled former lawyer, she clarifies her intentions. Despite her unease, Jordan invites her inside, hinting at a deeper connection and a willingness to listen, as both characters grapple with their personal struggles.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in the nature of the confrontation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a significant confrontation between Cassandra and Jordan, leaving the audience intrigued and eager to see how the interaction will unfold.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Cassandra seeking out Jordan for a confrontation adds depth to the storyline and raises questions about the nature of their relationship and the potential revelations to come.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly as Cassandra confronts Jordan, leading to potential revelations and character development.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its portrayal of a tense interaction between two characters in a domestic setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Cassandra and Jordan are intriguing and complex, with their interaction promising to reveal more about their motivations and past actions.

Character Changes: 7

While the scene sets up the potential for character development, the actual changes are yet to be fully realized.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to seek help or support from Jordan. This reflects her deeper need for assistance or guidance in a difficult situation.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is not explicitly stated in this scene, but it seems to involve seeking help or advice from Jordan.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Cassandra and Jordan is palpable, setting the stage for a potentially explosive confrontation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Cassandra's need for help conflicts with Jordan's reluctance to get involved.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in the tense interaction between Cassandra and Jordan, hinting at significant consequences for both characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a key confrontation and potential revelations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of Cassandra's visit to Jordan's house is uncertain, adding tension to the interaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene could be the tension between seeking help and maintaining independence. Cassandra may struggle with asking for assistance while also wanting to handle things on her own.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of unease and anticipation, drawing the audience into the emotional turmoil of the characters.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is tense and cryptic, hinting at underlying tensions and unresolved issues between Cassandra and Jordan.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters and the subtle emotional cues in their interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest in the characters' interaction.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic interaction between characters, with a clear setup and tension building.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of foreboding and tension through Cassandra's physical appearance and demeanor, which reflects her emotional state. However, the dialogue could be more impactful by incorporating subtext that hints at Cassandra's deeper motivations for visiting Jordan, rather than stating it outright. This would create a more engaging dynamic between the characters.
  • Jordan's character is introduced with a brief description, but there is an opportunity to deepen his characterization. Adding a line or two that reveals his internal conflict or past with Cassandra could enhance the emotional weight of the scene. This would also help the audience understand why he seems to sense something significant is about to happen.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed. While the urgency of Cassandra's visit is clear, allowing for a moment of silence or hesitation before she enters could heighten the tension. This would give the audience a chance to absorb the gravity of the situation and Cassandra's emotional turmoil.
  • The visual description of the setting is minimal. Expanding on the suburban house's appearance could provide a contrast to Cassandra's troubled state, emphasizing her isolation and the disparity between her life and the seemingly normal environment of Jordan's home.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. Incorporating more nuanced exchanges that reflect Cassandra's vulnerability and Jordan's apprehension could create a more compelling interaction. For example, Jordan could express concern or curiosity about Cassandra's well-being, prompting her to reveal more about her situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or reflection for Cassandra before she rings the doorbell, which could visually and emotionally set the stage for her visit.
  • Enhance Jordan's character by including a line that hints at his past connection with Cassandra or his own struggles, making his reaction to her presence more layered.
  • Revise the dialogue to include subtext that reveals Cassandra's emotional state without explicitly stating it. This could involve her using metaphors or vague references to her situation.
  • Expand the visual description of the suburban house to create a stronger contrast between the normalcy of Jordan's life and Cassandra's turmoil, enhancing the thematic elements of the scene.
  • Incorporate a brief moment of silence or a non-verbal exchange between Cassandra and Jordan to build tension before the dialogue resumes, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the moment.



Scene 36 - Seeking Forgiveness
INT. JORDAN’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

JORDAN leads CASSIE into his modern, expensive living room,
which has seen better days. Curtains drawn, dead flowers,
overflowing ashtrays. He notices her glance at a stack of
dirty plates and coffee cups.
JORDAN
My wife left a while back.
CASSANDRA
And you don’t know how to work a
dishwasher?
JORDAN laughs. Fair point.

JORDAN
I guess not.
He lights a cigarette. His hands are shaking. He’s clearly
scared.
JORDAN (CONT'D)
(off the cigarette)
You mind?

CASSANDRA shakes her head. There’s a silence. He’s nervous.
CASSANDRA is still, calm. Malevolent.
CASSANDRA
Your office told me you’re on
sabbatical. It was very easy to get
your address. They just gave it to
me actually.
JORDAN
I told them to give it to anyone who
asked.

CASSANDRA
That doesn’t seem safe.
JORDAN
No use hiding from the piper. He has
to be paid.

CASSANDRA
I guess so.
87




JORDAN
So...
88




CASSANDRA
I came here to talk to you about
something that happened eight years
ago.
JORDAN braces himself.

JORDAN
Alright.
CASSANDRA
Do you remember a client of yours
named Alexander Monroe?
JORDAN
I do. Yes. Al’s father is an old
friend.
CASSANDRA
Of course he is. You probably won’t
remember why Al Monroe and his dad
employed your services back then.
And you almost certainly won’t
remember the girl who you threatened
and bullied until she dropped her
case.
JORDAN
I remember her.

CASSANDRA is shocked. He thinks for a while.
JORDAN (CONT'D)
Nina? Was that it? I’m sorry, I
don’t remember her full name. It was
Nina though, wasn’t it?
CASSANDRA tries to hold it together.
CASSANDRA
(whisper)
Yes.

JORDAN
I remember.
(beat)
Have you come here to hurt me?
CASSANDRA
Do you want me to hurt you?
JORDAN
I think so.
89




CASSANDRA doesn’t know what to do. She’s frozen.
Finally-
JORDAN (CONT'D)
I had a...well...I think of it as an
epiphany. The doctors called it a
psychotic episode. It was at work.
So... I’m on ”sabbatical”.
(beat)
You know I got a bonus for every
settlement out of court. And a bonus
for every charge dropped. All of us
did.
Silence.

JORDAN (CONT'D)
We had a guy who combed through
their social media accounts for
compromising information. Contacted
friends and past sexual partners. It
is amazing how much easier the
internet has made digging up dirt.
In the old days we’d have to go
through girls’ trash. But now it’s
just one drunk photo at a party and
you wouldn’t believe how hostile
that makes a jury.

CASSANDRA can barely breathe. Jordan comes over to her,
kneels in front of her.
JORDAN (CONT'D)
You’ve got to help me. I can’t
sleep. I can’t sleep. I haven’t
slept in...
He clutches at her hands. She recoils.
JORDAN (CONT'D)
You are real, aren’t you? I haven’t
totally lost it?

CASSANDRA
I’m real.

He nods.
JORDAN
I’ll never forgive myself. I hope
you know that. I’ll never forgive
myself for any of it.
90




CASSANDRA looks down at him. A mixture of pity and scorn, but
also, somewhere, deep relief. This is it.
Then finally, quietly-
CASSANDRA
I forgive you.
The relief and gratitude from JORDAN is palpable. He puts his
head on her knees. In the stark, white room it is the image
of forgiveness. The Pietà.
JORDAN
Thank you.
Beat.

CASSANDRA
Go to sleep.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense encounter in his disheveled living room, Jordan confesses to Cassie about his troubled past, particularly his bullying of a girl named Nina and his unethical actions involving a client. As he reveals his guilt and desperation for forgiveness, Cassie confronts him with a mix of pity and scorn. Ultimately, she offers him forgiveness, leading to a moment of emotional vulnerability where Jordan seeks solace in her presence. The scene concludes with Cassie encouraging Jordan to rest after he expresses gratitude for her compassion.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional depth
  • Revealing dialogue
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-filled confrontation
Weaknesses
  • Some ambiguity in Jordan's motivations
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, with intense emotions, revealing dialogue, and significant character development. The tension and emotional depth make it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of forgiveness and confronting past actions is central to the scene, driving the emotional intensity and character development.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly as past events are revealed, deepening the conflict and emotional stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of guilt and redemption, with nuanced character interactions and emotional depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Cassandra and Jordan are complex and multifaceted, with their emotional turmoil and conflicting motivations driving the scene's intensity.

Character Changes: 9

Both Cassandra and Jordan undergo significant emotional changes during the scene, confronting past actions, seeking forgiveness, and finding closure.

Internal Goal: 9

Jordan's internal goal in this scene is to seek forgiveness and absolution for his past actions. He is haunted by guilt and fear, and his interaction with Cassandra reflects his deep need for redemption.

External Goal: 7

Jordan's external goal in this scene is to confront his past actions and come to terms with the consequences. He is faced with the challenge of accepting responsibility for his behavior and seeking forgiveness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Cassandra and Jordan is palpable, fueled by past trauma, guilt, and the need for redemption.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Jordan is faced with the challenge of confronting his past actions and seeking forgiveness. The audience is unsure of how the interaction will unfold, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in terms of emotional resolution, accountability, and the characters' personal growth, adding weight to the confrontation and its aftermath.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about past events, deepening character relationships, and setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and character developments. The audience is kept on edge as they wait to see how the interaction between Jordan and Cassandra will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of guilt, forgiveness, and redemption. Jordan's actions and beliefs are challenged by Cassandra's presence and her demand for accountability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, regret, forgiveness, and catharsis for the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is powerful and revealing, capturing the emotional depth of the characters and the weight of their past actions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, complex character dynamics, and the suspenseful buildup of tension. The dialogue and interactions between the characters draw the audience in and keep them invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of suspense and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue and the pauses between lines enhance the tension and build up to the climax of forgiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting. The visual elements are effectively conveyed through the writing.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character development. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere between Cassandra and Jordan, highlighting their emotional states and the weight of their shared history. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension. For instance, while Jordan's admission of guilt is powerful, it could be more impactful if he revealed his remorse through actions or more nuanced dialogue rather than directly stating it.
  • Cassandra's character is portrayed as calm and malevolent, which is compelling, but the scene could delve deeper into her internal conflict. Her initial calmness contrasts sharply with her eventual forgiveness, and exploring her thought process or hesitation before offering forgiveness could add depth to her character arc.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven at times. The dialogue flows well, but the emotional beats could be more pronounced. For example, after Jordan expresses his guilt, a longer pause could allow the audience to absorb the weight of his words before Cassandra responds. This would heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The visual elements in the scene, such as the state of Jordan's living room, effectively reflect his mental state. However, incorporating more sensory details could enhance the atmosphere. Describing the smell of stale cigarettes or the oppressive silence could further immerse the audience in the scene.
  • The ending, where Cassandra forgives Jordan, is poignant but could be more impactful if it were foreshadowed earlier in the scene. Subtle hints at her internal struggle with forgiveness could make the moment feel more earned and resonate more deeply with the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing characters to imply their feelings rather than stating them outright. This can create a richer emotional landscape.
  • Explore Cassandra's internal conflict more thoroughly. Show her hesitation or struggle before she offers forgiveness to deepen her character development.
  • Adjust the pacing by incorporating longer pauses after significant emotional revelations to give the audience time to process the weight of the dialogue.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive atmosphere. Describe the sounds, smells, and visual clutter in Jordan's home to reflect his mental state.
  • Foreshadow Cassandra's forgiveness earlier in the scene to make the moment feel more earned. This could involve her reflecting on her own experiences or showing signs of empathy before the final exchange.



Scene 37 - Power Dynamics
EXT. JORDAN’S HOUSE - DAY
CASSANDRA walks to her car. We reveal a timid, middle-aged
man, SIMON, leaning against her car. He sees her.
MAN
Do I go in now?

Beat.
CASSANDRA
No.

She opens her car door.

MAN
Oh. I’m still getting paid though,
right?
CASSANDRA
Yeah.
She gets into her car. He gets into the passenger seat.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Cassandra confidently approaches her car to find Simon, a timid middle-aged man, waiting for her. When he asks if he should go inside, she firmly tells him 'No.' After confirming he will still be paid, Simon reluctantly gets into the passenger seat, highlighting the tension and power imbalance in their interaction. The scene, set outside Jordan's house during the day, captures Simon's anxiety and Cassandra's assertiveness, ending with both characters in the car, ready to continue their interaction.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional depth
  • Compelling character development
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Reliance on dialogue for tension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and emotion through the interaction between Cassandra and Simon, providing depth to their characters and advancing the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of forgiveness and guilt is central to the scene, providing a compelling exploration of complex emotions and relationships.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the confrontation between Cassandra and Simon, revealing key aspects of their characters and setting up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on a common scenario of unexpected encounters, adding depth through nuanced character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Simon are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, conflicts, and emotional depth. Their interaction adds layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Both Cassandra and Simon undergo emotional changes during the scene, with Cassandra offering forgiveness and Simon seeking redemption.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and composure in a potentially dangerous situation. This reflects her need for independence and self-preservation.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to navigate the unexpected encounter with Simon and ensure her safety. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Cassandra and Simon is palpable, with emotional stakes and unresolved tensions driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in terms of emotional vulnerability and moral dilemmas for both Cassandra and Simon, adding intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing key character dynamics and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the ambiguous nature of Simon's intentions and the potential for unexpected developments.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the power dynamics between Cassandra and Simon. It challenges Cassandra's beliefs about trust and vulnerability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly through the vulnerability and desperation displayed by Cassandra and Simon.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional stakes of the scene, with meaningful exchanges between Cassandra and Simon that reveal their inner struggles.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the subtle character dynamics and the sense of impending conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the reader's interest through well-timed beats and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to industry standards, making the scene easy to follow and engaging for readers.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, effectively building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene is brief and lacks emotional depth, which may leave the audience feeling disconnected from Cassandra's journey. The interaction with Simon feels somewhat flat and does not provide insight into Cassandra's state of mind or her motivations at this point in the story.
  • Cassandra's response to Simon is curt and lacks nuance. While this could reflect her emotional state, it would be beneficial to include a moment that hints at her internal conflict or turmoil, allowing the audience to empathize with her situation.
  • The dialogue is functional but does not convey much about the characters or their relationship. Simon's character is introduced but not developed, making it difficult for the audience to care about his presence or understand his significance in the scene.
  • The visual elements are minimal, and the scene could benefit from more descriptive imagery that reflects the emotional weight of the moment. For instance, the state of the car or the surrounding environment could mirror Cassandra's internal struggle.
  • The scene transitions abruptly from the previous one, which may disrupt the flow of the narrative. A stronger connection to the emotional stakes established in the prior scene would enhance the continuity and impact of this moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that reflects Cassandra's emotional state as she approaches her car. This could help the audience understand her mindset and the weight of her actions.
  • Develop Simon's character further by giving him a line or two that reveals his perspective or feelings about the situation. This could create a more dynamic interaction and add layers to the scene.
  • Incorporate more descriptive language to set the scene visually. For example, describe the weather, the state of the car, or Cassandra's body language to convey her emotional turmoil more effectively.
  • Explore the possibility of a moment of hesitation or conflict in Cassandra before she gets into the car. This could create tension and provide insight into her character's struggles.
  • Ensure that the scene transitions smoothly from the previous one by referencing the emotional stakes or themes established earlier, reinforcing the continuity of Cassandra's journey.



Scene 38 - Confronting the Past
EXT. NINA’S HOUSE - DAY
CASSANDRA is standing across the street from Nina’s house.
It’s similar to her own, just another anonymous suburban
street. She’s trying not to cry.
91




Her phone rings. It’s MADISON. She cancels guiltily. This
whole thing is starting to feel horrible. Pointless.
When she looks up, MRS. FISHER, Nina’s mother, is on the
porch, peering over at her.

MRS FISHER
Cassie?

EXT. NINA’S HOUSE - DAY
CASSIE and MRS FISHER sit on the steps of the house. CASSIE
is sipping from a juice box MRS FISHER has given her.
MRS FISHER
I’d ask you in but...you know it
upsets George to see you.

CASSANDRA
I know. I’m sorry.
(beat)
You remember Nina’s sixteenth
birthday party?

MRS FISHER chuckles.
MRS FISHER
Yeah. That was a mess.

CASSANDRA
Nina threw up on the swing.
MRS FISHER
Not her finest.
CASSANDRA
And that boy stole your vase and
Nina made him bring it back the next
day and apologize to you.
MRS FISHER
He was so scared of her. She was
practically holding onto his ear.
“SAY YOU’RE SORRY TO MY MOM,
ASSHOLE”.
Cassie laughs.
CASSANDRA
What was his name? Was it...Simon
something...or Steve-
92




MRS FISHER tries to be kind, but she is tired.
MRS FISHER
Why are you here?
CASSANDRA
I just wanted to see you.
MRS FISHER
You need to stop this.
CASSANDRA is a little shocked.
MRS FISHER (CONT'D)
It isn’t good for any of us. It’s no
good for Nina, it isn’t good for
you.
Beat.

CASSANDRA
I’m just trying to... fix it...

MRS FISHER
(savage)
You can’t. Don’t be a child, Cassie.
You know what it’s like for us?
Having to bear this? And you, still
standing outside our house like a
ghost. Still wearing that stupid
necklace you girls gave each other
in middle school. Yanking us back
into it every time we see you.

MRS FISHER is distress, fighting back tears.
CASSANDRA
I’m so sorry. I didn’t think.
MRS FISHER
No. Well. I’m sorry too. Move on,
Cassie. For all of us.

MRS FISHER leaves. CASSIE sits on step. She knows she’s
right: this is over.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Cassandra stands outside Nina's house, grappling with guilt as she cancels a call from Madison. Invited by Mrs. Fisher, Nina's mother, to reminisce about happier times, the mood quickly shifts when Mrs. Fisher confronts Cassandra about the pain her presence brings. Urging her to move on, Mrs. Fisher leaves Cassandra alone on the porch steps, highlighting the futility of her attempts to mend the situation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the characters' past actions and the consequences they face. The dialogue is poignant and reveals deep-seated emotions, driving the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of confronting the past and seeking forgiveness is central to the scene, driving the character dynamics and emotional arcs. It explores the complexities of guilt and the struggle to move on from traumatic events.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around Cassandra's attempt to seek forgiveness and closure from Mrs. Fisher, leading to a moment of realization and acceptance. It adds depth to the overall narrative and character development.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to themes of guilt, forgiveness, and moving on. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Mrs. Fisher are well-developed, with layers of emotion and conflict driving their interactions. Their growth and internal struggles are compelling, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Cassandra and Mrs. Fisher undergo emotional changes in the scene, with Cassandra realizing the impact of her actions and Mrs. Fisher expressing her pain and desire to move on. Their interactions lead to moments of growth and introspection.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to seek forgiveness and closure for past mistakes and regrets. It reflects her deeper need for redemption and the fear of being stuck in the past.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal in this scene is to reconcile with Nina's family and mend broken relationships. It reflects the immediate challenge of facing the consequences of her actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Cassandra's struggle with guilt and Mrs. Fisher's pain over the past. The tension between the characters adds depth to the emotional narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Mrs. Fisher challenging Cassandra's beliefs and actions, creating a sense of conflict and uncertainty for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on the characters' internal struggles and the need for closure and forgiveness. While not high in terms of external conflict, the emotional stakes are significant.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional arcs of the characters and exploring the consequences of past events. It adds layers to the narrative and sets the stage for further development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between Cassandra and Mrs. Fisher, the unexpected emotional outbursts, and the unresolved tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between moving on and holding onto the past. Mrs. Fisher represents the need to let go and move forward, while Cassandra struggles with the guilt and desire to fix things.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, guilt, and reflection in the audience. The raw emotions displayed by the characters resonate deeply, creating a poignant and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and impactful, revealing the characters' inner turmoil and emotional baggage. It drives the emotional intensity of the scene and enhances the themes of guilt and forgiveness.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the tension between them, and the unresolved conflict that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following industry standards for screenplay format. It effectively conveys the visual and emotional elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The emotional weight of the scene is palpable, particularly in the interaction between Cassandra and Mrs. Fisher. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension. For instance, Mrs. Fisher's lines could hint at deeper feelings of resentment or unresolved grief, which would add layers to her character and the situation.
  • Cassandra's guilt and desperation are clear, but her motivations for visiting Mrs. Fisher could be more explicitly stated. This would help the audience understand her emotional state better and why she feels compelled to confront the past.
  • The use of humor in the reminiscence about Nina's birthday party is effective in lightening the mood momentarily, but it feels somewhat out of place given the overall somber tone of the scene. Balancing the humor with the gravity of the situation could create a more cohesive emotional arc.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the transition from light-hearted memories to the confrontation about Cassandra's presence could be smoother. A brief moment of silence or a visual cue could enhance the shift in tone and emphasize the weight of Mrs. Fisher's words.
  • The ending, where Mrs. Fisher leaves Cassandra alone on the steps, is powerful, but it could be strengthened by showing Cassandra's internal struggle more vividly. A visual cue, such as her fiddling with the necklace or a close-up of her expression, could convey her turmoil more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Mrs. Fisher's dialogue to reflect her complex emotions regarding Cassandra's presence and the past. This could involve her using metaphors or indirect references to their shared history.
  • Clarify Cassandra's motivations for visiting Mrs. Fisher. Perhaps include a line where she expresses a desire for closure or forgiveness, which would make her actions more relatable and understandable.
  • Reassess the balance of humor and gravity in the scene. If humor is included, ensure it serves to deepen the emotional impact rather than distract from it.
  • Enhance the transition between the light-hearted memories and the serious confrontation by incorporating a moment of silence or a visual cue that signifies the shift in tone.
  • Strengthen the ending by incorporating a visual element that reflects Cassandra's emotional state, such as her interaction with the necklace or a close-up shot that captures her feelings of guilt and despair.



Scene 39 - Missed Connections
INT. RYAN’S APARTMENT BUILDING - HALLWAY - EVENING
CASSANDRA waits nervously in the hallway of RYAN’s apartment.
He answers the door. Not pleased to see her.
RYAN
Oh great. You.
93




CASSANDRA
Can I come in?
The desperation on her face makes him relent.


INT. RYAN’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
RYAN leads her into his apartment. It’s cozy, but clean,
books everywhere.
CASSIE hovers nervously, unsure where to stand.
RYAN
You want anything? Coffee? Another
guy to go home with?

CASSANDRA can’t help but laugh.

CASSANDRA
Yeah actually do you have any
douchebags lying around?
RYAN
There’s a racist neighbor on the
third floor.
CASSANDRA
Perfect!

The smile awkwardly.
RYAN
What do you want, Cassie?

CASSANDRA
I came to apologize. About... I’ve
been trying to think about how to
explain.
RYAN
How’s that going for you?

She laughs.
CASSANDRA
Not great. Yeah.
RYAN
It’s fine, really.

CASSANDRA
It’s not that I’m not interested. I
really am. I really, really am.
94




RYAN
Ok. I mean, forgive me if I’m
confused but, you won’t kiss me,
you’ll barely touch me, but I find
you going home with some random
creep in a fedora.

Beat.
CASSANDRA
I admit....the fedora was
unforgivable.
RYAN can’t help but smile. He sighs.
RYAN
Why are you here?
CASSANDRA
The other night... it won’t happen
again. I promise. It’ll never happen
again. It’s hard to explain.
(beat)
Can we try again? Can I try, I mean.

RYAN looks at her, thinks.
RYAN
I don’t know.
(beat)
Are you ok?
She shrugs: I don’t know.

RYAN nods. Silence. Finally-
CASSANDRA
I guess I’ll see you around then.
She leaves. She’s blown it.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Cassandra nervously confronts Ryan at his apartment, seeking to apologize for her past behavior and express her feelings. Despite her attempts to clarify her mixed signals, Ryan remains confused and disappointed, particularly about her choice to go home with another man. As the tension rises, Cassandra realizes she has jeopardized her chances with him, leaving the apartment feeling defeated.
Strengths
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and awkwardness between Cassandra and Ryan, showcasing their emotional vulnerability and the desire for redemption. The dialogue is engaging and realistic, drawing the audience into the characters' inner turmoil.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of seeking forgiveness and second chances is a universal theme that resonates with audiences. The scene effectively explores the complexities of human emotions and relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around Cassandra's attempt to reconcile with Ryan and seek redemption for her past actions. It moves the story forward by delving into the characters' emotional arcs.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on a familiar theme of reconciliation and forgiveness, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Ryan are well-developed, with distinct personalities and emotional depth. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and vulnerability, making them relatable to the audience.

Character Changes: 8

Both Cassandra and Ryan undergo subtle changes in the scene, with Cassandra seeking redemption and Ryan grappling with forgiveness. Their emotional growth sets the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal is to apologize and reconcile with Ryan, reflecting her desire for connection and forgiveness.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to convince Ryan to give her another chance, reflecting her immediate challenge of repairing their relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around Cassandra's struggle to seek forgiveness and redemption from Ryan. The tension arises from their emotional barriers and past misunderstandings.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Ryan's reluctance to trust Cassandra creates a barrier to their reconciliation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on the characters' relationships and personal growth. The outcome of Cassandra and Ryan's interaction could have significant implications for their future dynamics.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional dynamics between Cassandra and Ryan, setting the stage for potential plot developments and character arcs. It adds depth to the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in the sense that the audience is unsure of how Ryan will respond to Cassandra's apology.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between forgiveness and trust. Ryan struggles to trust Cassandra after her past actions, while Cassandra seeks forgiveness and a second chance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of regret, hope, and vulnerability in the characters. The audience is drawn into the emotional turmoil of Cassandra and Ryan's interactions.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and realistic, capturing the tension and emotional turmoil between Cassandra and Ryan. It effectively conveys the characters' inner thoughts and feelings.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to the tension between the characters and the emotional stakes of their interaction.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with pauses and silences adding to the emotional impact of the dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of the conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Cassandra's vulnerability and desperation, which is crucial for her character development. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, instead of Cassandra directly stating her desire to apologize, she could hint at deeper feelings or regrets that would make her plea more poignant.
  • Ryan's initial reaction to Cassandra's arrival sets a clear tone of conflict, but his character could be fleshed out further. His responses feel somewhat flat and could reflect more of his internal struggle regarding Cassandra's actions. Adding layers to his dialogue could create a more dynamic interaction.
  • The humor in the banter between Cassandra and Ryan is a nice touch, but it sometimes undermines the gravity of the situation. Balancing humor with the emotional weight of their conversation could enhance the scene's impact. For example, after a moment of levity, a more serious line could follow to ground the conversation.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from light banter to the more serious apology. Allowing for longer pauses or beats could give the audience time to absorb the tension and emotional shifts between the characters.
  • Cassandra's exit feels abrupt and could be more impactful if it included a moment of reflection or a physical gesture that signifies her defeat. This would help to emphasize the emotional stakes and the consequences of her actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Cassandra's dialogue to convey her deeper feelings and regrets without explicitly stating them.
  • Develop Ryan's character further by incorporating more nuanced responses that reflect his internal conflict about Cassandra's actions.
  • Balance the humor in their banter with moments of seriousness to maintain the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Slow down the pacing by incorporating longer pauses or beats to allow the audience to absorb the emotional shifts.
  • Enhance Cassandra's exit by including a reflective moment or physical gesture that underscores her sense of defeat and the weight of the situation.



Scene 40 - Moving On and Rekindling Joy
INT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
CASSANDRA stares at AL MONROE’S BACHELOR PARTY PAGE. She
spots RYAN on his time line. “Sorry I can’t make it, bro!
Have a great time.”

She looks at AL’s stupid face, all his douchey friends. She
closes her computer.
She consults her book. One name left: AL MONROE. She tears
out the page, screws it up and throws it away. Enough.
95




INT. MAKE ME COFFEE SHOP - EVENING
CASSANDRA is alone. The bell rings, she doesn’t look up.
CASSANDRA
We’re closed for the night.

RYAN (O.S.)
Good.
CASSANDRA looks up. RYAN is standing in front of her.
CASSANDRA
Hi.
RYAN
You wanna go to dinner you miserable
asshole?

CASSANDRA smiles.
CASSANDRA
Yeah.

He kisses her. It’s wonderful.

INT. PHARMACY - DAY
That weekend. CASSIE and RYAN are choosing snacks at the
pharmacy when Paris Hilton’s “Stars Are Blind” comes on the
speaker.
RYAN starts to nod his head slightly to the music, CASSIE
notices: Paris Hilton, huh? Then suddenly RYAN bursts into a
vamping lip synch, using the snacks as props. CASSIE ties not
to be impressed but it’s hard, she’s giggling, people are
looking. Then finally, she joins in.
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Cassandra, frustrated with Al Monroe, decides to move on by removing him from her life. Her mood shifts when Ryan surprises her at a coffee shop, leading to a romantic kiss and an invitation to dinner. The scene lightens as they shop for snacks at a pharmacy, where Ryan entertains Cassandra with a playful lip-sync performance, bringing laughter and connection between them.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Realistic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and themes, with strong character interactions and moments of vulnerability. The mix of tones keeps the audience engaged and interested in the characters' journey.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of forgiveness and connection is central to the scene, and it is explored through the characters' interactions and emotional moments. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of human relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around forgiveness and emotional connection, moving the story forward through the characters' interactions and personal growth. The scene adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of moving on from past relationships and finding new connections, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and engaging, with strong personalities and emotional depth. Their interactions drive the scene forward and create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience emotional growth and vulnerability throughout the scene, particularly in the moments of forgiveness and connection. Their interactions lead to personal reflection and change.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to assert her independence and self-worth by rejecting Al Monroe and embracing a new connection with Ryan.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to move on from Al Monroe and start a new relationship with Ryan.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional tension and conflict in the scene, it is more internal and subtle, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and relationships.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, keeping the audience engaged and uncertain of the outcome.

High Stakes: 5

While the emotional stakes are high for the characters in terms of forgiveness and connection, the overall plot stakes are lower in this scene, focusing more on personal growth and relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' relationships and adding emotional depth to the narrative. It sets the stage for further development and exploration of themes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as Cassandra's encounter with Ryan and their spontaneous connection.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between holding onto past hurt and embracing new opportunities for happiness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and moments of vulnerability. It evokes empathy and connection with the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and realistic, capturing the characters' emotions and relationships effectively. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the audience's understanding of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes, humor, and character dynamics that draw the audience into Cassandra's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character motivations and interactions that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The transition from Cassandra's frustration with Al Monroe's bachelor party page to her interaction with Ryan feels abrupt. While the emotional shift is understandable, it could benefit from a smoother transition that highlights Cassandra's internal conflict more clearly. This would help the audience connect with her emotional journey.
  • Cassandra's dialogue with Ryan is brief and lacks depth. While the line 'You wanna go to dinner you miserable asshole?' is humorous, it doesn't fully capture the complexity of their relationship. Expanding this exchange to include more vulnerability or acknowledgment of their past could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The scene in the pharmacy is light-hearted and fun, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the heavier themes established earlier in the script. While it's important to have moments of levity, ensuring that these moments tie back to Cassandra's character development and emotional state would create a more cohesive narrative.
  • The use of Paris Hilton's 'Stars Are Blind' as a backdrop for the pharmacy scene is a clever choice, but it could be more impactful if it were tied to Cassandra's emotional state. Perhaps she could reflect on the lyrics or have a moment of realization that connects the song to her current situation.
  • The scene ends on a light note, which contrasts with the darker themes of the previous scenes. While this can be effective, it may leave the audience feeling disoriented. A stronger emotional anchor at the end of the scene could help maintain the narrative's tone.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Cassandra as she closes her computer, reflecting on her feelings about Al and her decision to move on. This would provide insight into her character and enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Expand the dialogue between Cassandra and Ryan to include more context about their relationship. This could involve them addressing past misunderstandings or expressing their feelings more openly, which would deepen their connection.
  • Incorporate a moment where Cassandra reacts to Ryan's lip-syncing in the pharmacy, perhaps by recalling a shared memory or expressing a desire for a lighter, happier time in their relationship. This would create a stronger emotional link between the two scenes.
  • Consider using the pharmacy scene to explore Cassandra's character growth. For example, she could reflect on how far she's come since her earlier struggles, making the moment feel more significant.
  • Ensure that the ending of the scene ties back to the overarching themes of the screenplay. This could involve a moment of realization for Cassandra that hints at her ongoing journey, keeping the audience engaged with her character development.



Scene 41 - Cozy Moments
INT. RYAN’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT
MONTAGE: CASSIE and RYAN watching movies in bed eating the
pharmacy snacks, as Paris Hilton serenades us.


INT. RYAN’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY
MONTAGE:
Pt. 1: CASSIE and RYAN kissing in bed.
96




Pt. 2: CASSIE reading in RYAN’S chair as he tries not to
stare at her.
Pt. 3: RYAN and CASSIE eating cereal, talking.
97
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a montage set in Ryan's bedroom, Cassie and Ryan share intimate and playful moments, watching movies, enjoying snacks, and engaging in light-hearted activities. Their affection for each other is evident through kisses and shared laughter, creating a warm and romantic atmosphere. The scene highlights their growing bond without any significant conflicts, focusing on the joy of their connection.
Strengths
  • Authentic performances
  • Emotional depth
  • Chemistry between characters
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the intimacy and vulnerability of the characters, providing a heartfelt and tender moment in their relationship. The emotional depth and chemistry between Cassie and Ryan elevate the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the intimate moments between Cassie and Ryan is well-executed, providing insight into their evolving relationship and emotional dynamics.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is minimal in this scene, the focus on the emotional connection between Cassie and Ryan adds depth to their characters and sets the stage for future developments in their relationship.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to depicting a budding romance through everyday activities and subtle gestures. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene effectively develops the characters of Cassie and Ryan, highlighting their vulnerabilities, affections, and complexities. Their interactions feel genuine and relatable, drawing the audience into their emotional journey.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle changes in the emotional dynamics between Cassie and Ryan, the scene primarily focuses on deepening their connection and understanding of each other.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Cassie on a deeper emotional level and express his feelings for her. This reflects Ryan's desire for intimacy, love, and companionship.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to spend quality time with Cassie and strengthen their relationship. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their budding romance and the challenges of opening up emotionally.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on the emotional intimacy and connection between Cassie and Ryan.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is minimal, as the focus is on the characters' emotional connection and relationship dynamics. There are subtle tensions and conflicts, but they do not pose significant obstacles to the characters' goals.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, with the focus on the emotional intimacy between Cassie and Ryan rather than external conflicts or high-risk situations.

Story Forward: 6

The scene contributes to the development of Cassie and Ryan's relationship, setting the stage for future interactions and emotional growth.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is predictable in its focus on the progression of Ryan and Cassie's relationship through familiar activities. However, the subtle tensions and emotional nuances add a layer of unpredictability to their interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between Ryan's desire for emotional connection and Cassie's potential reservations or fears about intimacy. This challenges Ryan's beliefs about love and vulnerability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tenderness, affection, and vulnerability in the audience. The intimate moments shared between Cassie and Ryan resonate on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is intimate and authentic, reflecting the emotional depth of the characters' connection. The conversations between Cassie and Ryan feel natural and heartfelt.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it focuses on the intimate and relatable moments between the characters, drawing the audience into their emotional journey and relationship dynamics.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, moving smoothly between different moments and actions to maintain the audience's interest and emotional investment in the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a montage sequence, clearly delineating the different moments and actions of the characters. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the scene.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows a montage format, effectively capturing the progression of Ryan and Cassie's relationship through different moments. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The montage format is effective in conveying the progression of Cassie and Ryan's relationship, showcasing their intimacy and comfort with each other. However, the transitions between the different parts of the montage could be more distinct to enhance the emotional impact. Each segment should feel like a separate moment rather than a continuous flow, allowing the audience to savor each interaction.
  • The choice of Paris Hilton's music adds a playful tone to the scene, but it may not resonate with all audiences. Consider whether this choice aligns with the overall theme and character development. If the intention is to highlight a lighthearted, carefree moment, it works well; however, if the scene aims to convey deeper emotional connections, a more poignant musical choice might enhance the atmosphere.
  • The visual descriptions are somewhat vague. For instance, specifying the types of snacks they are eating or the particular movies they are watching could add layers to their character dynamics and provide insight into their personalities. This detail can help the audience connect more with the characters and their shared experiences.
  • The dialogue is absent in this montage, which is typical for such sequences, but incorporating snippets of their conversation could add depth. Even brief exchanges or laughter can enhance the emotional resonance and give the audience a clearer sense of their chemistry.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While it captures moments of joy and intimacy, it would benefit from a subtle conflict or tension that resolves by the end of the montage. This could be a playful disagreement or a moment of vulnerability that deepens their connection, making the scene more engaging.
Suggestions
  • Consider breaking the montage into distinct segments with clear transitions, perhaps using visual cues or changes in lighting to signify shifts in time or mood.
  • Evaluate the music choice and consider alternatives that might better reflect the emotional tone you want to convey. If the scene is meant to be lighthearted, ensure that the music complements that feeling.
  • Add specific details about the snacks and movies to enrich the scene and provide insight into Cassie and Ryan's personalities and preferences.
  • Incorporate snippets of dialogue or laughter during the montage to enhance the emotional connection between the characters and give the audience a sense of their chemistry.
  • Introduce a subtle conflict or moment of tension within the montage that can be resolved by the end, adding depth to the scene and making it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 42 - Sweet Moments
INT. MAKE ME COFFEE SHOP - DAY
MONTAGE: CASSIE and RYAN kissing as CASSIE sits on the
counter.


INT. MAKE ME COFFEE SHOP - DAY
MONTAGE: CASSIE, RYAN, and GAIL are eating cupcakes. GAIL
immensely relieved to see CASSIE so happy.
BACK TO:

INT. PHARMACY - MOMENTS LATER

“Stars are Blind” is winding down. CASSIE and RYAN go to pay
for their stuff.

RYAN
God, I love that song.
CASSANDRA
Of course. It’s a masterpiece.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary The scene features a montage of Cassie and Ryan enjoying intimate moments, including kisses and sharing cupcakes with Gail, highlighting Cassie's happiness. As they transition to a pharmacy, Ryan expresses his love for the song 'Stars are Blind,' which Cassie agrees is a masterpiece. The light-hearted tone emphasizes their joyful interactions and strong bond, concluding with them at the pharmacy after a delightful shopping experience.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Romantic atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of warmth and intimacy between the characters, setting a positive tone for their relationship. The dialogue and interactions feel natural and engaging, enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the blossoming romance between Cassie and Ryan in everyday settings is well-executed, providing a glimpse into their developing relationship and the happiness they find in each other's company.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene primarily focuses on character interaction and relationship development, it contributes to the overall plot by highlighting the emotional connection between Cassie and Ryan and setting the stage for future developments in their relationship.

Originality: 4

The scene lacks originality as it portrays common interactions and relationships without introducing any unique elements or fresh approaches.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

Cassie and Ryan are portrayed authentically, with their chemistry and affection shining through in their interactions. Their personalities complement each other, adding depth to their relationship dynamic.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it contributes to the development of Cassie and Ryan's relationship, showcasing their growing bond and affection for each other.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassie's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of happiness and contentment in her relationship with Ryan. This reflects her deeper need for love and connection.

External Goal: 6

Cassie's external goal is to enjoy a day out with Ryan and Gail, creating positive memories and experiences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing instead on the positive and light-hearted interactions between Cassie and Ryan.

Opposition: 4

The opposition in the scene is minimal, with no significant obstacles or challenges for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on the personal relationship between Cassie and Ryan rather than external conflicts or challenges.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the connection between Cassie and Ryan, setting the stage for further developments in their relationship.

Unpredictability: 3

This scene is predictable as it portrays typical interactions and relationships without introducing any unexpected twists or developments.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response, conveying feelings of happiness, hope, and affection through the interactions between Cassie and Ryan.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Cassie and Ryan feels natural and heartfelt, capturing the essence of their budding romance. Their conversations are engaging and reflective of their growing connection.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it focuses on the characters' interactions and relationships, creating a sense of connection with the audience.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and flow of events, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and clear descriptions of actions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a coherent sequence of events.


Critique
  • The montage format effectively conveys the lighthearted and romantic tone of the relationship between Cassie and Ryan. However, the transition from the coffee shop to the pharmacy feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well for a montage, but it could benefit from a few more lines that capture the playful banter between Cassie and Ryan. This would help to deepen their characterizations and make their connection feel more authentic.
  • While the use of 'Stars are Blind' adds a nostalgic and upbeat vibe, it might be worth considering how the lyrics relate to the characters' current emotional states. A brief moment of reflection on the song's meaning could add depth to the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While it showcases happy moments, it doesn't provide any stakes or tension that could make the audience more invested in their relationship. Introducing a small conflict or moment of vulnerability could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The visual elements are engaging, but they could be more descriptive. For instance, detailing the setting of the coffee shop and pharmacy could create a stronger sense of place and atmosphere, making the audience feel more immersed in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of dialogue or interaction that highlights a playful disagreement or a shared joke between Cassie and Ryan to enhance their chemistry.
  • Introduce a small conflict or moment of tension, such as a brief misunderstanding or an external interruption, to create stakes and make their happy moments feel more significant.
  • Enhance the transition between the coffee shop and pharmacy by including a line or visual cue that connects the two locations, such as Cassie and Ryan leaving the coffee shop together, laughing as they walk down the street.
  • Incorporate a moment where Cassie reflects on the song 'Stars are Blind,' perhaps sharing a memory or a thought that connects it to her feelings for Ryan, adding emotional depth to the scene.
  • Expand on the visual descriptions of the settings to create a more vivid atmosphere, allowing the audience to feel the warmth and intimacy of the moments shared between Cassie and Ryan.



Scene 43 - Breaking the Ice
INT. CASSANDRA’S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT
SUSAN brings a big bowl of salad from the kitchen and sets it
down on the dining room table. Where CASSANDRA, RYAN and
STANLEY are waiting somewhat nervously, bowls full of
spaghetti in front of them. It’s a little awkward.
SUSAN
Eat! Eat! It’ll get cold.

RYAN
This looks delicious. Thank you!
STANLEY
I made the sauce!
Cassie winces. She forgotten what it’s like to introduce
people to your parents.
STANLEY (CONT'D)
Wow. That is...really great sauce.
Stanley beams.
SUSAN
So you’re a doctor, Ryan? You’re
parents must be very proud!
98




RYAN
Oh no. They wanted me to be a DJ.
Beat. Then STANLEY and SUSAN laugh. Tension broken. The
relief.

STANLEY
He’s funny! You didn’t say he was
funny, Cassie.
CASSANDRA
Daaaaad.
RYAN
You didn’t?

CASSANDRA
No. I said you were boring but rich.
99




RYAN
You know, I’m not even that rich.
STANLEY
Well. Nice knowing you, son.

They all laugh. STANLEY and SUSAN catch each other’s eye, and
smile.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Cassandra's dining room, Susan serves a large bowl of salad to her family, where Cassandra, Ryan, and Stanley are already seated with spaghetti. Initially tense, Ryan's humor about his career choice lightens the mood, leading to laughter. Stanley proudly claims responsibility for the sauce, and playful banter ensues, easing Cassandra's nerves about introducing Ryan to her parents. The scene transitions from awkwardness to warmth, culminating in a shared smile between Stanley and Susan, symbolizing familial acceptance.
Strengths
  • Humor
  • Character interactions
  • Authenticity
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor and tension, providing insight into the characters' dynamics and relationships while maintaining a light-hearted tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family dinner introducing a significant other is a common but well-executed trope, providing opportunities for humor, tension, and character exploration.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is minimal in this scene, it serves as a crucial moment for character development and relationship dynamics.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on the classic 'meet the parents' scenario by infusing it with humor and authenticity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and original, contributing to the scene's authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their interactions feel authentic, adding depth and humor to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it contributes to the overall development of the characters' relationships and dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal is to navigate the awkwardness of introducing her boyfriend to her parents and to maintain a sense of control over the situation. This reflects her deeper need for approval and acceptance from her family.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to ensure that the dinner goes smoothly and that her boyfriend is well-received by her parents. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing social interactions and family dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is minimal, primarily revolving around the tension of introducing a significant other to family members.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming. The characters face challenges and obstacles that add depth to the scene without overshadowing the main narrative.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal relationships and dynamics.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations with moments of humor and tension, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome of the dinner.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between authenticity and social expectations. Ryan's comment about his parents wanting him to be a DJ instead of a doctor highlights the clash between personal desires and societal norms.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions from awkwardness to warmth, providing a relatable and engaging experience for the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, light-hearted, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively balances tension and humor, creating a relatable and entertaining family dynamic. The characters' interactions and dialogue keep the audience invested in the outcome of the dinner.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension with moments of humor, creating a dynamic and engaging rhythm. The dialogue flows naturally and keeps the scene moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character names, dialogue cues, and scene descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a family dinner scene, with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and moments of tension and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the awkwardness of introducing a romantic partner to parents, which is relatable and adds depth to the characters' dynamics. However, the humor feels somewhat forced at times, particularly with the joke about Ryan's parents wanting him to be a DJ. While it breaks the tension, it could be more organic to the characters' personalities.
  • Cassandra's wince when her father talks about the sauce is a nice touch, indicating her discomfort and the pressure of the situation. However, this moment could be expanded to show more of her internal struggle or thoughts, which would enhance the audience's connection to her character.
  • The dialogue flows well, but there are moments where it feels a bit too scripted. For instance, the exchange about Ryan being boring but rich could be more nuanced. Instead of a straightforward joke, consider adding a layer of sarcasm or playful banter that reflects their relationship more authentically.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but it could benefit from a few more beats of silence or reactions to emphasize the awkwardness before the humor breaks through. This would heighten the tension and make the eventual laughter feel more earned.
  • The visual elements are minimal in this scene. Describing the setting in more detail, such as the decor of the dining room or the way the food is presented, could enhance the atmosphere and provide more context for the characters' interactions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Cassandra internally reflects on her feelings about Ryan and her parents, which would deepen her character and make the audience empathize with her more.
  • Introduce a small physical action or gesture from Ryan that showcases his nervousness or charm, making him more relatable and likable in the eyes of Cassandra's parents.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more subtle humor or character-specific jokes that feel natural to the characters, rather than relying on generic punchlines.
  • Incorporate pauses or reactions from the characters after each joke or awkward moment to allow the audience to absorb the tension and humor, enhancing the comedic timing.
  • Enhance the visual description of the dining room and the food to create a more vivid setting that complements the emotional tone of the scene.



Scene 44 - A Recipe for Connection
INT. CASSANDRA’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - LATER
SUSAN and STANLEY are doing the dishes. We hear the front
door close, and CASSANDRA reappears.
CASSANDRA
He says he wants the sauce recipe,
Dad.

STANLEY beams.
STANLEY
Kiss ass.

SUSAN
What a lovely evening.
STANLEY
He seems very nice, Cassie. Very
nice.
CASSANDRA
Eh. He’s ok.

SUSAN
You’re allowed to like someone,
honey.
CASSANDRA
I know.
She kisses CASSIE goodnight, squeezes her.

CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
Alright, alright. Move it along.
SUSAN stops the hug.
SUSAN
Night night.

She leaves for bed. STANLEY lingers for a second.
100




STANLEY
Thank you for introducing us to
Ryan. I know it must have been hard.
Your mom is so... we are both so
glad.
101




Suddenly STANLEY is on the verge of tears. CASSANDRA is
embarrassed, she doesn’t know what to do.
CASSANDRA
Oh my god. Dad! He’s not that nice!

He laughs, and pulls himself together hastily.
STANLEY
Sorry. I must be tired.
He goes to leave. Then-
STANLEY (CONT'D)
We miss her, Cassie. But god, we’ve
missed you too.

He leaves her in the kitchen, taking this in. What these
years must have been like for her parents.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In the kitchen, Cassandra returns home to find her parents, Susan and Stanley, washing dishes. She mentions that a boy named Ryan wants her sauce recipe, prompting Stanley to express his approval of Ryan, while Cassandra downplays her feelings. As they share goodnights, Stanley reveals his emotional vulnerability, thanking Cassandra for introducing Ryan and expressing how much he misses her and her mother. The scene highlights their familial bond, blending warmth and nostalgia with a touch of sadness as they navigate their relationships.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external plot progression
  • Lack of high external stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional complexity of the characters and their relationships, providing insight into their inner struggles and desires. The dialogue is realistic and poignant, capturing the awkwardness and tenderness of family dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family reconciliation and the complexities of forgiveness are central to the scene, providing a rich foundation for exploring the characters' inner conflicts and growth.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is subtle, the scene serves as a pivotal moment in Cassandra's journey towards self-awareness and healing. The focus on familial relationships adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on family relationships and the complexities of communication. The characters feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and multi-dimensional, each grappling with their own emotional baggage and desires. The interactions between Cassandra, Susan, and Stanley feel authentic and poignant.

Character Changes: 8

The scene marks a significant moment of growth and introspection for Cassandra, as she navigates her relationships with her parents and confronts her past. The emotional journey is palpable and transformative.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a facade of indifference towards Ryan, the person she introduced to her parents. This reflects her fear of vulnerability and her desire to protect herself emotionally.

External Goal: 6

Cassandra's external goal is to navigate her parents' reaction to Ryan and maintain a sense of control over the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' emotional struggles and the tension between past regrets and present hopes. It drives the emotional depth of the scene.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with Cassandra's internal conflict driving the emotional tension.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, centered around the characters' desires for connection, forgiveness, and understanding. While not high in a traditional sense, the emotional stakes are deeply felt.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the external plot, it deepens the emotional and thematic layers of the narrative, providing crucial insights into the characters' motivations and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and outcomes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of authenticity in relationships. Cassandra struggles to be honest about her feelings towards Ryan, while her parents express their genuine happiness for her.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting empathy and reflection from the audience. The raw vulnerability of the characters and the themes of forgiveness and reconciliation resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is naturalistic and revealing, capturing the nuances of family communication and the unspoken tensions between the characters. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable characters, witty dialogue, and emotional depth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a poignant moment between Cassandra and her father.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and action, effectively capturing the dynamics of a family interaction.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of familial connection, showcasing the dynamics between Cassandra and her parents. However, the emotional weight of Stanley's moment of vulnerability could be enhanced by providing more context about the family's history and the loss they are experiencing. This would deepen the audience's understanding of why this moment is significant.
  • Cassandra's dismissive attitude towards Ryan ('Eh. He’s ok.') feels somewhat inconsistent with the previous scenes where she shows genuine affection for him. This could be an opportunity to explore her internal conflict about opening up to love, especially given her complicated past. Adding a line or two that reflects her hesitation or fear could add depth to her character.
  • The dialogue flows well, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Susan encourages Cassandra to like someone, it could hint at her own experiences or regrets, adding layers to the conversation. This would create a richer dialogue that resonates more with the audience.
  • Stanley's emotional moment is poignant, but it feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up to his tears could enhance the impact. Perhaps including a brief moment where he reflects on Cassandra's mother or their family history before expressing his feelings would make this moment feel more earned.
  • The scene ends on a reflective note, which is effective, but it could be strengthened by showing Cassandra's reaction to her father's words. A visual cue or a line of internal dialogue could help convey her emotional state and the weight of her father's admission.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two that reveals Cassandra's internal struggle with her feelings for Ryan, which would create a more complex character arc.
  • Enhance Stanley's emotional moment by providing a brief reflection on his feelings about Cassandra's mother or their family history, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with his vulnerability.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue, particularly in Susan's encouragement, to add layers to the conversation and reflect on her own experiences.
  • Gradually build up to Stanley's emotional moment to make it feel more natural and impactful, perhaps by including a moment of silence or a shared memory before he expresses his feelings.
  • Show Cassandra's reaction to her father's admission at the end of the scene, either through a visual cue or a line of internal dialogue, to emphasize the emotional weight of the moment.



Scene 45 - Confessions in Bed
INT. RYAN’S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - DAY
CASSIE and RYAN are in bed.

RYAN
Your mom’s pretty hot.
CASSANDRA
You want her number? I could hook
you up?
RYAN
(hopeful)
Really?

CASSANDRA
Yeah. I think she likes you more
than I do.
He laughs.
RYAN
I hope that’s not true.

Beat.
RYAN (CONT'D)
Can I tell you something?
CASSANDRA
Sure.
RYAN sits up on his elbow and looks at her. He’s nervous.
102




RYAN
I think you’re amazing-
She realizes what’s happening.
CASSANDRA
Oh no, Ryan-don’t. Please. No.
RYAN
Let me finish, you stupid bitch. I
think you’re amazing. And think,
yup, I’m pretty sure I’m falling in
love with you.
CASSANDRA is silent.

CASSANDRA
Get out. Get out. Now.

RYAN looks horrified.
RYAN
What?

CASSANDRA smiles.
CASSANDRA
I’m kidding.
(beat)
I think I love you too.
RYAN is about to celebrate-
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
DON’T make a thing of it. Just be
cool.
RYAN calms down.
RYAN
Okay. I’m cool. I’m cool.
He’s not though. He kisses her. And she kisses back.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary In Ryan's bedroom, a playful conversation between Ryan and Cassie about her mother leads to Ryan nervously confessing his love for her. Initially met with a teasing rejection from Cassie, the tension shifts when she reveals it was a joke and admits her own feelings. Their nervousness transforms into joy as they share a kiss, solidifying their mutual affection.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Chemistry between characters
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively combines emotional depth, humor, and intimacy to create a compelling moment of confession and connection between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of two characters confessing their love for each other in a vulnerable and humorous way is engaging and relatable, adding depth to their relationship.

Plot: 8.5

While the plot progression in this scene is focused on the emotional development of the characters rather than advancing the overall story, it serves as a pivotal moment in their relationship.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic 'confession of love' trope by infusing it with humor and unexpected reactions from the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

Cassie and Ryan are well-developed characters with distinct personalities that shine through in their interactions. Their emotional honesty and vulnerability make them relatable and endearing.

Character Changes: 8

Both Cassie and Ryan experience a shift in their relationship dynamics as they express their love for each other, leading to a deeper emotional connection.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to express his feelings of love for Cassandra, revealing his vulnerability and desire for a deeper connection.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the delicate situation of expressing his love without scaring Cassandra away.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in this scene is minimal, focusing more on emotional tension and vulnerability between the characters.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene comes from Cassandra's initial rejection and the uncertainty of her true feelings, adding complexity to the protagonist's journey.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in this scene are primarily emotional, centered around the characters' feelings for each other and the vulnerability of expressing love.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it contributes to the development of the central romance and the emotional journey of the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable in its character reactions and twists, keeping the audience on their toes about the outcome of the confession.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the fear of vulnerability and rejection versus the desire for emotional connection and honesty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of love, vulnerability, and connection in the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is authentic, witty, and emotionally resonant, effectively conveying the characters' feelings and deepening their connection.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of humor, tension, and emotional vulnerability, keeping the audience invested in the characters' relationship.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, leading to a satisfying resolution of the protagonist's confession.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards for screenplay writing, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a romantic comedy genre, with a buildup of tension, a reveal of emotions, and a resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a light-hearted moment between Cassie and Ryan, showcasing their chemistry and the playful banter that defines their relationship. However, the abrupt shift from humor to a serious confession of love feels slightly jarring. While the initial joke about Ryan's feelings for Cassie's mother is amusing, it sets a tone that contrasts sharply with Ryan's heartfelt declaration, which could benefit from a smoother transition.
  • Cassandra's reaction to Ryan's confession is initially harsh, which may come off as inconsistent with her character's established warmth and affection. This could confuse the audience about her true feelings. The moment where she tells him to get out feels overly dramatic for the context, and while it is meant to be a joke, it risks alienating the audience from her character.
  • The dialogue is witty and engaging, but the pacing could be improved. The beat after Ryan's confession feels too long, which may lead to an awkward silence that detracts from the emotional impact. Tightening the dialogue and ensuring that the beats flow more naturally would enhance the scene's overall rhythm.
  • The scene lacks visual elements that could enhance the intimacy of the moment. Describing the setting in more detail—such as the morning light filtering through the window or the cozy disarray of the bedroom—could help ground the audience in the scene and amplify the emotional stakes.
  • Ryan's nervousness is well portrayed, but his character could be further developed in this moment. Adding a line or two that reflects his internal struggle or vulnerability before he confesses could deepen the audience's connection to him and make his declaration feel more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue after Ryan's initial compliment to build tension before the confession. This could help the audience feel the weight of the moment before the humor returns.
  • Revise Cassandra's reaction to Ryan's confession to maintain her playful nature while still allowing for a moment of genuine vulnerability. Perhaps she could tease him but then quickly follow up with a sincere acknowledgment of her feelings.
  • Tighten the dialogue by reducing the length of pauses and ensuring that the characters' responses feel immediate and natural. This will help maintain the scene's momentum and keep the audience engaged.
  • Incorporate more sensory details about the setting to enhance the intimacy of the scene. Describing the warmth of the bed, the softness of the sheets, or the sounds of the outside world could create a more immersive experience.
  • Explore Ryan's character further by adding a line that reveals his internal conflict or fear about confessing his feelings. This could make his vulnerability more relatable and heighten the emotional stakes of the scene.



Scene 46 - A Moment of Reassurance
EXT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - DAY
CASSANDRA, in an incredibly good mood, is walking to her
house with groceries, when a woman gets out of her car and
walks across the street to her. It is MADISON MCPHEE.
CASSIE had completely forgotten.
103




CASSANDRA
(under her breath)
Shit.
MADISON
Hey!

CASSANDRA
Madison! What are you doing here?
MADISON looks terrible, she hasn’t slept for weeks.
MADISON
I’m sorry, I just...I tried calling.
I left messages. I don’t know if
your number worked. Maybe I had an
old one.
MADISON is on the verge of tears.

MADISON (CONT'D)
I know this is crazy waiting for you
in my car like some kind of stalker
or something...

CASSANDRA
No, Madison, I’m sorry. I’m so
sorry. I should have called you
back. Nothing happened with that
guy.
MADISON
Are you sure...it seemed like...

CASSANDRA
I know what it seemed like. But it
wasn’t. He didn’t touch you.
MADISON is almost sick with relief.
MADISON
Oh thank god. I’ve been...so worried
that I...that we...

CASSANDRA
He just put you in bed, that’s all.
Made sure you were in the recovery
position. Nothing happened, Madison.
I promise.
MADISON believes her. The relief. She wipes away a tear.
Takes a deep breath.
104




CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
I’m really sorry I didn’t call
sooner. I didn’t mean to scare you
this much.
MADISON
Yeah. Well.
(beat)
Look there’s... I need to show you
something.
CASSANDRA
Ok...
MADISON
Can we go inside?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Cassandra, in a good mood while carrying groceries, encounters a distressed Madison McPhee, who has been trying to reach her. Madison expresses her fears about a past incident involving a man, worried that something inappropriate occurred. Cassandra reassures her that nothing happened beyond ensuring her safety, alleviating Madison's anxiety. They share an emotional moment, and Madison, feeling relieved, indicates she has something important to show Cassandra and asks to go inside.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Relatively low plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the characters' interactions, creating a tense and heartfelt atmosphere. The dialogue and character dynamics are well-developed, drawing the audience into the complex emotions at play.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reconciliation and forgiveness is central to the scene, driving the emotional depth and character growth. The exploration of complex relationships adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses through the emotional reconciliation between the characters, moving the story forward while deepening the relationships. The scene adds layers to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of trust and miscommunication, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' emotional arcs are well-developed, with nuanced interactions that reveal their vulnerabilities and strengths. The dynamic between Cassandra and Madison is particularly compelling.

Character Changes: 8

Both Cassandra and Madison experience significant emotional shifts in the scene, moving from anxiety and tension to relief and reconciliation. Their dynamic evolves, deepening their connection.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to alleviate Madison's worries and fears about a previous incident involving a guy. She wants to reassure Madison and mend their relationship.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal is to understand why Madison is so upset and to address any misunderstandings or concerns that Madison may have.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' emotional struggles and the tension between them. The resolution of conflict leads to reconciliation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and misunderstandings creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 5

While the emotional stakes are high for the characters involved, the overall plot stakes are moderate in this scene. The focus is on personal relationships and emotional resolution.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by resolving tensions between characters and deepening their relationships. It sets the stage for further development and reveals new layers of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and emotional twists that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around trust and communication. Cassandra and Madison have different perceptions of the same event, leading to misunderstandings and doubts.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, relief, and regret from the audience. The characters' vulnerability and authenticity enhance the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is authentic and impactful, capturing the characters' conflicting emotions and inner turmoil. The exchanges feel genuine and contribute to the scene's emotional resonance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and the characters' relatable struggles and vulnerabilities.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, enhancing the impact of the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of tension and resolution, with a clear focus on character development and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and emotional stakes between Cassandra and Madison, showcasing their complex relationship. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional depth. For instance, instead of directly stating that nothing happened, Cassandra could express her feelings of guilt or responsibility in a more nuanced way, allowing the audience to infer the gravity of the situation.
  • Madison's emotional state is well conveyed through her physical appearance and dialogue, but the scene could further emphasize her distress. Adding visual cues, such as her fidgeting or avoiding eye contact, would enhance the portrayal of her anxiety and make her relief more impactful when she learns the truth.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from Madison's distress to her relief. A moment of silence or a pause could heighten the tension and allow the audience to fully absorb the weight of Madison's fears before Cassandra reassures her.
  • Cassandra's response to Madison's fears is somewhat abrupt. While it's important for her to reassure Madison, a more gradual approach could create a stronger emotional arc. For example, she could first acknowledge Madison's feelings before providing reassurance, which would make the resolution feel more earned.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Madison wanting to show Cassandra something, which is effective for building suspense. However, it would be beneficial to hint at what this 'something' might be, creating intrigue and encouraging the audience to anticipate the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to convey deeper emotions and allow the audience to read between the lines.
  • Add visual cues to Madison's character to emphasize her emotional state, such as her body language or facial expressions.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing slightly to allow for more dramatic tension, particularly in the moments leading up to Madison's relief.
  • Have Cassandra first acknowledge Madison's fears before providing reassurance to create a more satisfying emotional arc.
  • Introduce a hint or clue about what Madison wants to show Cassandra to build anticipation for the next scene.



Scene 47 - Confronting the Past
INT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

MADISON follows CASSIE into the living room nervously. She’s
dreading this.
CASSANDRA
You need some water or something?
MADISON
No. Thank you.

This is a struggle.
MADISON (CONT'D)
After...after we had lunch and
I...got so drunk. And I woke up in a
hotel room with that guy... I
thought about it, about what you
said about Nina. About how we
all...you know. Just. Acted like...
And I remembered something.
CASSANDRA
What?

MADISON can’t say it.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
What?
MADISON
There was a tape.

CASSANDRA might have been hit by a truck.
105




CASSANDRA
What?
MADISON
A stupid video. It got sent round. I
got sent it. We all did. It was
just...at the time it was just,
gossip, you know?
CASSANDRA
Gossip.
MADISON
So much...stuff happened back then,
like, all the time. You know what it
was like just...one blackout after
another. I hoped maybe I imagined
it. But.

She gets out an old blackberry. She’s shaking.
MADISON (CONT'D)
I kept all my old phones for photos
and whatever. So...here.
(she passes it)
I don’t know how we could ever have
watched it and...
CASSANDRA
What?
MADISON
Thought it was funny.

MADISON is numb with shame.
MADISON (CONT'D)
Look. You can have the phone, ok?
You don’t have to watch it...I
really wouldn’t watch it but...I
don’t know. Do whatever you want
with it. Just leave me out of it.

MADISON gets up to leave.
MADISON (CONT'D)
And please, will you do me a favor?
CASSANDRA
Yeah.
MADISON
Never fucking contact me again.
106




MADISON leaves. CASSIE is numb, everything falling down
around her.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense encounter in Cassandra's living room, Madison nervously reveals the existence of a damaging video from their past, expressing her shame and regret. After a difficult exchange, she asks Cassandra to never contact her again, leaving Cassandra in shock as Madison departs, highlighting the unresolved conflict and emotional weight of their shared history.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Revealing character interactions
  • Powerful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Heavy emotional content
  • Lack of resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally charged, revealing a significant revelation that adds depth to the characters and their relationships. The dialogue and interactions are intense and impactful, creating a sense of unease and regret.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of revealing a dark secret from the past and exploring its impact on the characters is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively delves into themes of guilt, regret, and the consequences of past actions.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the revelation of a past incident and its repercussions on the characters' present relationships. It advances the narrative by adding layers to the characters and their motivations.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on themes of guilt, redemption, and friendship, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed and showcase a range of emotions, from shame and regret to confusion and vulnerability. Their interactions reveal the complexities of their relationships and past actions.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, particularly as they confront the dark secret from the past and its impact on their present relationships. The revelation leads to introspection and growth.

Internal Goal: 9

Madison's internal goal in this scene is to confess her past mistakes and seek forgiveness while also distancing herself from the consequences. This reflects her need for redemption and closure.

External Goal: 8

Madison's external goal is to reveal the existence of a compromising video tape and offer it to Cassandra, hoping to absolve herself of guilt and shame.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene is filled with internal conflict as the characters grapple with shame, regret, and the consequences of their past actions. The revelation of the dark secret adds tension and emotional depth to the interactions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Madison facing the consequences of her actions and Cassandra grappling with betrayal and forgiveness.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters confront a dark secret from the past that threatens to unravel their present relationships and sense of self. The emotional weight of the revelation adds intensity to the interactions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing a crucial piece of information that deepens the characters' arcs and relationships. It sets the stage for further exploration of the consequences of the past.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation of the video tape and the characters' complex emotional responses.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of accountability, forgiveness, and the consequences of past actions. It challenges the characters' beliefs about morality, friendship, and personal responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of shame, regret, and sadness in the characters and the audience. The revelation of the dark secret and its repercussions create a powerful and poignant moment.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. The exchanges between the characters are tense and revealing, adding depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, authentic character interactions, and high stakes drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for emotional beats to land and character revelations to have impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-defined structure with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution, effectively building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and emotional weight of Madison's confession, showcasing her vulnerability and the gravity of the situation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional impact. For instance, instead of stating 'I thought about it, about what you said about Nina,' Madison could express her feelings more indirectly, allowing the audience to infer the connection between her actions and Cassandra's past.
  • Cassandra's reactions are somewhat muted, which may detract from the emotional climax of the scene. Adding more internal conflict or physical reactions (like pacing, fidgeting, or a change in tone) could heighten the tension and make her shock more palpable. This would also help to convey the weight of the revelation about the video more effectively.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, especially in the transition from Madison's confession to her request for Cassandra to never contact her again. A moment of silence or a pause could allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation before Madison exits, enhancing the emotional resonance of her departure.
  • The use of the old blackberry as a plot device is effective, but it could be more symbolically tied to the themes of memory and regret. Perhaps Madison could reflect on why she kept the phone, hinting at her own struggles with the past and her inability to let go, which would deepen her character and the scene's emotional stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Madison's dialogue to convey her emotional turmoil without explicitly stating it. This could create a more engaging and layered conversation.
  • Enhance Cassandra's physical reactions and internal conflict to better reflect her shock and emotional state. This could involve more body language or a change in her tone to emphasize the weight of Madison's words.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or a pause after Madison's confession to allow the audience to process the gravity of the situation before she leaves. This could heighten the emotional impact of her departure.
  • Explore the symbolism of the old blackberry further by having Madison reflect on her reasons for keeping it, which could add depth to her character and the themes of memory and regret.



Scene 48 - Shattered Illusions
INT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - LATER

CASSANDRA looks at the blackberry in her hands. She has to
watch it. She knows she has to.
She starts to play the video. We can hear it but not see it:
we stay on her face. It is terrible, horrifying.
CASSANDRA
(whispers)
Oh, Nina.

We hear a group of guys are cheering AL on.
JOE (O.S.)
Holy shit!! Look at this.
(beat)
Ryan! Ryan!
And then, CASSIE’s expression changes. We hear RYAN’s voice,
slurred with drink.
RYAN (O.S.)
Don’t film me, man! Come on. Stop
filming this!

He laughs. On CASSIE: complete, earth-shattering shock.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In her kitchen, CASSANDRA prepares to watch a troubling video, her anticipation quickly turning to horror as she hears RYAN's desperate pleas not to be filmed amidst the cheers for AL from a group of guys. The stark contrast between the celebratory voices and RYAN's distress leaves CASSANDRA in complete shock, highlighting her emotional turmoil as she grapples with the disturbing content of the video.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Revealing character moments
  • Impactful storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Heavy reliance on visual cues

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, delivering a powerful emotional punch with the revelation of the video and the characters' reactions.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of revealing a shocking video that triggers intense emotions and regret is executed with precision and impact.

Plot: 9

The plot takes a significant turn with the revelation of the video, setting up new conflicts and character developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of privacy invasion and ethical decision-making, presenting a nuanced portrayal of the characters' reactions and internal conflicts. The authenticity of the dialogue and character emotions adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' reactions to the video showcase their depth and complexity, adding layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional changes as they confront the video and its implications, leading to growth and introspection.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the shocking content of the video she is watching and process her emotions, particularly her shock and horror. This reflects her deeper need for understanding and emotional resilience.

External Goal: 7

Cassandra's external goal in this scene is to decide how to respond to the video content and potentially intervene in the situation involving Ryan. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in confronting a disturbing reality.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is internal, as the characters grapple with their emotions and the consequences of their past actions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Cassandra is faced with a difficult moral choice and conflicting emotions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome and the consequences of her actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters face the consequences of their past actions and must navigate the emotional fallout.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing new information and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the characters' conflicting reactions. The audience is kept on edge by the shifting dynamics and moral choices presented.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between personal privacy and public exposure. Cassandra's dilemma of whether to intervene in the video situation raises questions about ethical responsibility and the consequences of taking action.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene delivers a high emotional impact, evoking shock, regret, and intense feelings from the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, focusing on the characters' reactions and emotions rather than lengthy exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, moral dilemmas, and suspenseful buildup. The audience is drawn into Cassandra's internal conflict and the unfolding drama, creating a sense of urgency and empathy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of revelation and emotional impact. The rhythm of the dialogue and visual cues enhance the scene's intensity and dramatic impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character cues, and concise descriptions. The visual focus and minimalistic dialogue enhance the impact of the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of revelation and emotional impact. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the characters' internal struggles.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and dread by focusing solely on Cassandra's reaction to the video, which is a strong choice that heightens the emotional impact. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory detail to immerse the audience further in Cassandra's experience. For example, describing the sounds or visuals from the video could enhance the horror of the moment.
  • Cassandra's whisper of 'Oh, Nina' is a poignant moment that connects her personal trauma to the unfolding events, but it feels somewhat abrupt. Expanding on her thoughts or memories of Nina in this moment could deepen the emotional resonance.
  • The use of off-screen voices (the cheering and Ryan's plea) is an effective way to convey the horror without showing the graphic content directly. However, the dialogue could be more varied to reflect the chaotic and celebratory atmosphere of the party, making it feel more vivid and real.
  • Cassandra's shock is palpable, but the scene could benefit from a brief internal monologue or flashback that illustrates her feelings about Ryan and the implications of what she's witnessing. This would add depth to her reaction and clarify her emotional stakes.
  • The pacing of the scene is crucial, and while the slow reveal of the video builds tension, consider adding a moment where Cassandra hesitates before pressing play. This could emphasize her dread and reluctance, making her eventual shock even more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Include a brief description of the sounds or visuals from the video to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Expand on Cassandra's emotional connection to Nina before she watches the video, potentially including a memory or a thought that highlights their relationship.
  • Vary the off-screen dialogue to capture the chaotic atmosphere of the party, perhaps incorporating more distinct voices or reactions from the group.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation for Cassandra before she plays the video, emphasizing her dread and reluctance to confront the truth.
  • Incorporate a brief internal monologue or flashback that illustrates Cassandra's feelings about Ryan and the implications of what she is witnessing, adding depth to her emotional reaction.



Scene 49 - Urgent Whispers
INT. BATHORY HOSPITAL - LATER
A small smear of blood on an industrial floor.

We reveal CASSIE, in the waiting room, staring down at it.
She’s waiting for RYAN. He appears.
RYAN
Cassie, are you ok? What’s happened?
CASSANDRA
Can we go somewhere to talk,
privately?

RYAN
I’m working.
107




CASSANDRA
(calmly)
We need to talk. Right now.
RYAN can see that she’s not kidding.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the waiting room of Bathory Hospital, Cassie is fixated on a small smear of blood on the floor, indicating something significant has occurred. Ryan arrives, concerned for her well-being, but Cassie's urgent insistence on a private conversation takes precedence over his work obligations. The tense atmosphere is heightened by the stark contrast of the blood against the sterile environment, leaving the audience anticipating a crucial revelation.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity on the specific event or revelation that led to the confrontation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on tension and emotion, setting up a pivotal moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of the scene, a private conversation in a hospital setting, adds depth to the characters and advances the plot.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the confrontation between Cassandra and Ryan, hinting at a significant development in their relationship.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar setting but adds a unique twist with the presence of blood on the floor, creating a sense of mystery and danger. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and adds to the tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Cassandra and Ryan are well-developed and their emotions are effectively portrayed in the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Cassandra and Ryan experience emotional shifts in the scene, hinting at potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassie's internal goal is to confront Ryan about a serious issue that is weighing on her mind. This reflects her need for resolution and closure in their relationship.

External Goal: 7

Cassie's external goal is to have a private conversation with Ryan to discuss a pressing matter. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in their relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Cassandra and Ryan is palpable, adding tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Cassie's request for a private conversation challenges Ryan's work obligations and creates a sense of conflict and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with the emotional and relational dynamics between Cassandra and Ryan at a critical point.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a significant confrontation and hinting at a major development in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected presence of blood on the floor and the urgency of Cassie's request to talk privately. The audience is left wondering about the nature of the conversation and its implications.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' personal needs and their professional obligations. Cassie prioritizes their relationship over Ryan's work responsibilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with the tension and emotions of the characters resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is tense and meaningful, conveying the emotions and intentions of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional intensity, and sense of mystery. The audience is drawn into the characters' conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of emotions and stakes. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the intensity of the confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dramatic confrontation, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and tension through Cassandra's demeanor and the context of the blood smear. However, the transition from the previous scene's emotional shock to this moment could be more explicitly connected to enhance the narrative flow.
  • Cassandra's calmness in her request to speak privately contrasts sharply with the gravity of the situation, which creates an intriguing tension. However, this calmness might benefit from a hint of underlying anxiety or distress to convey the weight of what she has just witnessed.
  • Ryan's response to Cassandra's request feels somewhat dismissive given the context. A more engaged reaction from him could heighten the stakes and emphasize the seriousness of the conversation they are about to have.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. Adding subtext or internal conflict in their exchange could enrich the scene, making it more compelling. For instance, Ryan could express concern or confusion, reflecting the tension of the moment.
  • The visual focus on the blood smear is a strong choice, symbolizing the gravity of the situation. However, it might be beneficial to include more sensory details or reactions from Cassandra to deepen the audience's emotional connection to her state of mind.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or visual cue that connects Cassandra's shock from the previous scene to her current state, reinforcing the emotional weight of her request to Ryan.
  • Infuse Cassandra's calmness with subtle signs of distress, such as fidgeting or a shaky voice, to convey the internal conflict she is experiencing.
  • Revise Ryan's dialogue to reflect a more engaged and concerned response, perhaps by asking questions that indicate he senses something is seriously wrong.
  • Enhance the dialogue with subtext that reveals both characters' emotional states, allowing the audience to feel the tension and stakes of the conversation.
  • Incorporate more sensory details, such as the sounds of the hospital or Cassandra's physical reactions, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 50 - Confrontation in the Office
INT. BATHORY HOSPITAL - RYAN’S OFFICE - LATER
RYAN takes CASSANDRA into his office.
RYAN
What’s going on?
CASSANDRA looks at him, heartbroken.

CASSANDRA
I’ve been such an asshole.

RYAN
What do you mean?
CASSANDRA
I really thought for a second it was
all going to be ok.
RYAN
Cassie-

CASSANDRA
Look at this.

She passes over MADISON’s phone. RYAN watches.

RYAN
What are you showing me? Is
that...Al Monroe? Is that his
dorm...what...
Suddenly he remembers. He passes the phone back, upset.
RYAN (CONT'D)
I don’t want to watch this.

CASSANDRA
You were happy to watch back then.
RYAN
I don’t know what you’re talking
about, I wasn’t-

Then he hears his own voice on the video. It’s undeniable.
108




RYAN is horrified.
RYAN (CONT'D)
I don’t...I don’t remember...
He watches for a second, the sadness as it comes back to him.

CASSANDRA
Didn’t make an impact, huh?
RYAN doesn’t know what to say.
RYAN
We were kids...
But her look silences him.

CASSANDRA
I need you to do something for me.
And I want you to think about it
very carefully. I have this video,
ready to send to everyone in your
address book. Your parents. Your
colleagues. All your old college
buddies and their wives.
RYAN
Cassie, please. Come on.

CASSANDRA
So, I can send it out right now. Or
you can tell me where Al Monroe’s
bachelor party is.

RYAN is stunned.
RYAN
Why?
Beat.
CASSANDRA
You don’t need to know why.

RYAN
What are you going to do?

CASSANDRA
It depends.
RYAN
On what?
109




Beat.
CASSANDRA
Do you think they’ll fire you here?
You work with kids so... they have
to be careful. Things have changed
so much since we were at school,
haven’t they?
RYAN
Think about this. Please. Please.
Please.
CASSANDRA
I cannot begin to tell you how much
I’ve thought about it.

She stares him down. Finally, he writes down the address on a
piece of paper, hands it over.

RYAN
There. They’re all going up there
this weekend.

CASSANDRA folds up the paper and puts it in her pocket.
RYAN (CONT'D)
(tearful)
You don’t...you don’t think I’m a
bad person now, do you? I love you,
Cassie. You’ll forgive me won’t you?
Tell me you’ll forgive me.
CASSANDRA
No.
Beat. Then a new horror dawns on RYAN.
RYAN
Are you going to tell everyone?
CASSANDRA
I don’t know.

RYAN
I just don’t...I don’t know if I can
live with the threat of this hanging
over me.
CASSIE laughs.
CASSANDRA
Right.
110




She goes to leave then-
111




CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
And don’t think about telling any of
them that I’m coming. I’ll send the
video around just the same if you
do.

CASSANDRA smiles.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
Bye, Ryan!
She leaves him alone, reeling from what just happened.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Ryan's office at Bathory Hospital, Cassandra confronts him about a damaging video involving Al Monroe. She reveals her regret for past actions and threatens to expose Ryan by sharing the video, which horrifies him as he realizes he is featured in it. After a tense exchange, Ryan reluctantly divulges the location of Al's bachelor party to appease Cassandra, leaving him devastated and uncertain about his future.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Complex character dynamics
  • High-stakes negotiation
  • Revealing dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential for melodrama
  • Heavy reliance on manipulation and threats

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and pivotal to the plot, showcasing strong character dynamics and high stakes. The dialogue is impactful, and the tension is palpable throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on betrayal, manipulation, and consequences, is compelling and adds depth to the characters and the overall story. The negotiation and moral dilemma presented are thought-provoking.

Plot: 9.2

The plot is significantly advanced in this scene, with major revelations and decisions that impact the trajectory of the story. The conflict reaches a peak, setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of betrayal and redemption, with a unique twist on the blackmail narrative. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the storyline.


Character Development

Characters: 9.3

The characters of Cassandra and Ryan are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, manipulative tendencies, and conflicting emotions. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to their arcs.

Character Changes: 9

Both Cassandra and Ryan undergo significant changes in this scene, as their true natures are revealed, and they are forced to confront their past actions and decisions. The power dynamics between them shift, leading to character growth.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront his past actions and come to terms with the consequences of his choices. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and forgiveness, as well as his fear of being exposed and judged for his past mistakes.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prevent the blackmail from being carried out and protect his reputation and relationships. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in dealing with the threat posed by the other character.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving emotional, moral, and ethical dilemmas that heighten the tension between Cassandra and Ryan. The power struggle and high stakes drive the conflict to a peak.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a difficult choice and moral dilemma that challenges his values and beliefs. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, as Cassandra holds the power to ruin Ryan's life with the video she possesses. The moral dilemma, manipulation, and threat of exposure create a sense of urgency and tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing major revelations, escalating the conflict, and setting the stage for future developments. The decisions made by Cassandra and Ryan have far-reaching consequences that drive the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' motivations and actions. The moral ambiguity and shifting power dynamics create a sense of uncertainty and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between morality and self-preservation. The protagonist is forced to confront his own actions and make a difficult choice between facing the consequences or betraying his values to protect himself.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.4

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of heartbreak, regret, tension, and manipulation. The revelations and confrontations between Cassandra and Ryan elicit strong emotional responses from the audience.

Dialogue: 9.1

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the true nature of the characters. The exchanges between Cassandra and Ryan are tense, emotional, and laden with subtext, driving the scene's intensity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional intensity, and moral complexity of the characters' interactions. The suspenseful dialogue and dramatic tension keep the audience invested in the outcome of the conflict.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through well-timed reveals and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are well-defined, enhancing the reader's understanding of the setting and character dynamics.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of conflict and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the emotional stakes between Cassandra and Ryan, showcasing their complicated history. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while Cassandra's motivations are clear, Ryan's emotional turmoil could be explored further to enhance the audience's connection to his character.
  • Cassandra's transition from a heartbroken individual to someone wielding power over Ryan is compelling, but the scene could delve deeper into her internal conflict. This would provide a richer emotional landscape and make her actions more relatable, rather than appearing solely vindictive.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but there are moments where the dialogue feels a bit expository, particularly when Cassandra explains her intentions. This could be streamlined to maintain the tension and urgency of the moment without losing clarity.
  • Ryan's horror upon realizing the implications of the video is a strong moment, but it could be amplified by showing more of his physical reaction. Describing his body language or facial expressions in detail would help convey the gravity of the situation more effectively.
  • The ending leaves the audience with a sense of shock, which is effective, but it might benefit from a stronger visual or auditory cue to emphasize the emotional weight of Cassandra's departure. Perhaps a lingering shot on Ryan's face or a sound that signifies his despair could enhance the impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or visual cues to illustrate Ryan's emotional state as he processes the situation. This could help the audience empathize with his character more deeply.
  • Explore Cassandra's motivations further by incorporating flashbacks or brief memories that highlight her past experiences with Ryan and Al. This could provide context for her current actions and make her choices more understandable.
  • Revise the dialogue to reduce exposition and allow for more natural conversation. Let the characters' emotions drive the dialogue rather than explicitly stating their feelings or intentions.
  • Enhance the physicality of the scene by describing Ryan's body language and reactions in more detail. This will help convey the emotional stakes without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more powerful visual or auditory element that encapsulates the emotional turmoil both characters are experiencing, leaving the audience with a lasting impression.



Scene 51 - A Weekend of Transformation
INT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

CASSANDRA puts her head around the door. SUSAN is gluing
shells onto a box.

CASSANDRA
Hey, Mom. I’m going away for the
weekend, ok?
SUSAN
Oh! With Ryan?
CASSANDRA
No actually. There’s this...coffee
symposium thing...it’s lame...but
Gail thought it might be good for
work.
SUSAN
Alright. Do you need me to pack you
something for the trip?

CASSANDRA
I’m not going to summer camp, Mom.
SUSAN bristles a little.
SUSAN
I know!

CASSANDRA softens.
CASSANDRA
Thanks though.
(beat)
I love you.

SUSAN is a little taken aback. She’s about to respond, but
CASSIE is gone.
112




I/E. CAR - DIRT ROAD - EVENING
CASSANDRA is pulled up on an old road in the middle of
nowhere. No cars in sight. No houses. Just the woods. She’s
doing her make up in the mirror- it’s super heightened. Big
red lips, big eyes. She’s barely recognizable.
113




She grabs a powder blue wig from the passenger seat, her old
book is underneath it, the torn out page stuffed back into
it. She puts on the wig.
She gets out of the car. She’s wearing a PVC nurse’s uniform,
she takes off her plates and tosses them into the bushes.
Then goes into the trunk to grab a matching nurse’s bag and a
huge bottle of vodka. She slams the trunk shut, and starts
the journey down the deserted road.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Cassandra tells her mother, Susan, that she's going away for a weekend coffee symposium, asserting her independence despite Susan's concern and offer to help pack. After a brief moment of affection, Cassandra leaves abruptly. The scene shifts to her in a car on a deserted dirt road, where she undergoes a striking transformation, applying heavy makeup, donning a powder blue wig, and changing into a PVC nurse's uniform. Discarding her license plates, she retrieves a nurse's bag and vodka from the trunk, confidently embarking on a secretive journey that marks a drastic shift in her identity.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Character transformation
  • Suspenseful setup
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, intense, and emotionally charged, with a significant plot development as Cassandra prepares for a mysterious journey. The execution is compelling, drawing the audience into Cassandra's world and setting up high stakes for the upcoming events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Cassandra's disguise and secretive mission adds depth to her character and advances the plot in a suspenseful direction. It introduces a new layer of complexity to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly in this scene as Cassandra prepares for a mysterious journey, raising questions about her intentions and the potential risks she is taking. It sets up a major conflict and builds anticipation for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the mother-daughter relationship by exploring themes of independence and love in a subtle and nuanced way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene focuses primarily on Cassandra, showcasing her determination and inner turmoil as she embarks on a dangerous mission. Her character development is highlighted through her actions and emotional intensity.

Character Changes: 8

Cassandra undergoes a significant change in this scene, from a seemingly ordinary woman to a determined and secretive figure on a dangerous mission. Her character arc takes a compelling turn.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert her independence and individuality while also showing love and appreciation for her mother. This reflects her deeper need for autonomy and connection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to attend a coffee symposium for work, despite finding it lame. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing personal desires with professional obligations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is internal, as Cassandra grapples with her emotions and the risks she is about to take. The tension is palpable, setting the stage for a major confrontation or revelation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the character dynamics.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as Cassandra's actions hint at potential danger and consequences. The audience is left on edge, wondering about the risks she is about to take.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new plot development and raising the stakes for the characters. It sets the stage for future conflicts and revelations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional shifts and subtle character revelations that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between the protagonist's desire for freedom and her mother's protective instincts. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about independence and family dynamics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as Cassandra's transformation and preparation evoke feelings of tension, anticipation, and concern for her well-being. The audience is emotionally invested in her journey.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying Cassandra's sense of urgency and emotional state. It effectively sets the tone for the upcoming events.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the relatable dynamics between the mother and daughter, as well as the subtle emotional tension that drives the interaction.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a gradual build-up of tension and emotional depth that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a pivotal moment in Cassandra's journey, showcasing her desire for independence while hinting at her deeper motivations. However, the transition from the emotional exchange with her mother to the drastic change in her appearance and intentions feels abrupt. This could benefit from a smoother narrative flow that connects her emotional state to her subsequent actions.
  • Cassandra's dialogue with Susan is relatable and captures the tension between a mother and daughter, but it could be enhanced by adding more subtext. For instance, Cassandra's insistence on not needing help could reflect her internal struggle with vulnerability and her desire to assert control over her life.
  • The visual elements in the second part of the scene are striking, particularly the transformation of Cassandra as she applies makeup and changes into the nurse's uniform. However, the significance of the powder blue wig and PVC uniform could be more explicitly tied to her motivations. Why does she choose this disguise? Adding a brief moment of reflection or a flashback could deepen the audience's understanding of her choices.
  • The abrupt cut from the emotional moment with Susan to the deserted road creates a jarring contrast. While this can be effective for dramatic impact, it may leave the audience feeling disoriented. A transitional line or visual cue could help bridge these two contrasting settings and emotional states.
  • Cassandra's actions in the car, particularly the tossing of her license plates, symbolize a break from her past, but this could be emphasized further. Consider adding a moment of hesitation or a symbolic gesture that reflects her internal conflict about leaving her old life behind.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line of dialogue or a brief moment where Cassandra reflects on her relationship with her mother before leaving. This could provide more emotional weight to her departure.
  • Incorporate a visual or auditory cue that connects the emotional moment with Susan to Cassandra's transformation. For example, a sound that signifies her resolve or a flashback to a moment that influenced her decision could enhance the narrative.
  • Explore the significance of the nurse's uniform and wig in more depth. Perhaps include a line of dialogue or a thought that reveals why she chose this disguise, linking it to her motivations for confronting Al Monroe.
  • To improve the transition between the two settings, consider using a voiceover or internal monologue from Cassandra as she drives, reflecting on her feelings about leaving her old life behind.
  • Add a moment of hesitation before Cassandra tosses her license plates. This could illustrate her internal struggle and make her decision to sever ties with her past more impactful.



Scene 52 - A Night of Revelry
EXT. CABIN HOUSE - EVENING
We follow CASSANDRA as she walks up to a isolated house in
the middle of the woods. Her high heels are in her hands.


EXT. CABIN HOUSE - EVENING/NIGHT

CASSANDRA finishes putting on her shoes on and rings the
bell. A super hammered guy, JOE, answers.
JOE
YESSSSSSSSSSS! THE DOCTOR IS IN THE
HOUSE!!!!
We hear cheering from inside. A wall of choking testosterone.


INT. CABIN HOUSE - LOUNGE - MOMENTS LATER
JOE leads CASSANDRA into the run-down lounge. It looks like a
fart-filled frat house basement. It is full of drunk dudes
playing poker, beer pong and listening to terrible EDM.

Among them is AL MONROE, preppy and very embarrassed.
CASSANDRA is momentarily floored seeing him again. She covers
it.
JOE
This is what I’m talking about, man!
It’s stripper time, baby!!
CHIP
Nurse, I’m feeling sick, can you
take my temperature?

AL MONROE
I thought I said no strippers, you
guys! Anastasia will lose her shit.
His friends all boo him.
114




AL MONROE (CONT'D)
Who ordered her?
115




The dudes all look innocent.
JOE
Don’t look at me, man!
CHIP
Not me!
AL MONROE
No one owning up, huh? Well when
Anastasia finds out it’s your
funeral.
CASSANDRA
I take it you’re the groom?

AL MONROE
Yeah.

CASSANDRA
Then sit the fuck down.

She grabs a chair and slams AL down on it roughly. The boys
all “oooooooooooh!”

AL MONROE
Hey!
JOE
Uh oh! You’re in trouble, bro.
JOE giggles. The guys are giddy with excitement. CASSANDRA
gets out the vodka.

CASSANDRA
Now I’m going to need you all to
kneel in front of me like the
naughty boys you are. Is everybody
here? Don’t want anyone to miss out.
The guys kneel down eagerly, giggling.
JOE
We’re all present, nurse!
CASSANDRA
Good. Then I think it’s time for
your medicine.
CASSANDRA pours vodka down into their open mouths one by one.
AL MONROE
Don’t I get any?
116




CASSANDRA
No. You get something way better.
117




She turns on the music. “SPRORGNSM” by Superorganism.
Glitchy, swoony, and somewhat weird. She beings to unzip her
nurse’s dress.
But we cut away, and travel along the cheering and jeering
bros. Super-slo mo. Super detailed. We can see the bloodshot
eyes and the sweat. And the hard-ons underneath the chinos.
It’s frightening, animal: violence and desire are in the air.
Brief flashes of CASSIE, her hair, her lips, small details,
but never what the audience wants to see: the hot girl taking
her clothes off.
Finally, we speed back up to normal as CASSIE straddles AL.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
Time to go upstairs.
AL MONROE
I don’t think...
CASSANDRA
(whisper)
Look, I won’t do anything if you
don’t want to, but I only get paid
if I go upstairs with you.
AL MONROE
OK.

CASSANDRA zips her dress back up, takes him by the hand and
triumphantly leads him up the stairs, the guys go crazy.
JOE
I wanna see her crawling out of here
in the morning, Al!! She’d better
not be able to walk!!
CHIP
Leave some for us, man!!!
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Cassandra arrives at a dilapidated cabin where a rowdy bachelor party is in full swing, led by a drunken Joe. She meets the reluctant groom, Al Monroe, who is embarrassed by the situation. Taking charge, Cassandra pours vodka for the eager men and playfully teases Al, ultimately persuading him to join her upstairs despite his initial hesitations. The chaotic atmosphere is filled with excitement and tension as the other partygoers cheer them on.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Potential for controversy due to sensitive subject matter

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere through Cassandra's actions and the reactions of the male characters. The seductive and manipulative elements add depth to the scene, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Cassandra infiltrating a bachelor party to extract information is intriguing and adds a layer of complexity to her character. The scene effectively showcases her cunning and resourcefulness.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. It sets up future developments and adds depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the trope of a stripper at a bachelor party by focusing on the internal struggles and power dynamics at play. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and raw.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with Cassandra displaying her manipulative side and the male characters reacting realistically to her actions. The dynamics between the characters add tension and intrigue.

Character Changes: 7

While Cassandra's character is further developed through her manipulative actions, the male characters also experience a shift in their perception of her, setting up potential changes in their relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Cassandra's internal goal is to maintain control and professionalism in a challenging and uncomfortable situation. This reflects her need for independence and self-respect.

External Goal: 7.5

Cassandra's external goal is to fulfill her job as a stripper at the bachelor party and get paid. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in a rowdy and potentially dangerous environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with Cassandra engaging in a dangerous game of deception that could have serious consequences. The power dynamics and tension between the characters create a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and power struggles between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as Cassandra risks exposure and potential danger by infiltrating the bachelor party. The consequences of her actions could have a significant impact on the characters and the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. It sets up future developments and adds complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected power dynamics and twists in the characters' actions. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the objectification of women and the pressure on Cassandra to perform in a degrading manner. This challenges her beliefs about self-worth and respect.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact due to the intense and suspenseful atmosphere created by Cassandra's actions. The audience is drawn into the tension and danger of the situation, evoking a range of emotions.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and power dynamics between Cassandra and the male characters. It adds depth to the interactions and enhances the suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and provocative nature, as well as the dynamic interactions between the characters. The tension keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of events leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events. It effectively sets up the conflict and tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a chaotic and debaucherous atmosphere, which aligns with the tone of a bachelor party. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to differentiate the various men present. Right now, they blend together, making it hard for the audience to connect with them individually.
  • Cassandra's transformation into a dominant figure is compelling, but the scene could delve deeper into her internal conflict. While she appears confident, there is an underlying tension that could be explored further, especially considering her past with Al Monroe. Adding subtle hints of her emotional state could enhance the complexity of her character.
  • The use of humor in the dialogue is effective, particularly with lines like 'Nurse, I’m feeling sick,' but it risks undermining the gravity of the situation. Balancing the comedic elements with the darker undertones of Cassandra's mission could create a more nuanced tone.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid, particularly the contrast between the chaotic party and Cassandra's composed demeanor. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details that evoke the setting, such as smells or sounds, to immerse the audience further into the environment.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, especially as Cassandra transitions from pouring vodka to leading Al upstairs. Slowing down this moment could build tension and anticipation, allowing the audience to fully grasp the significance of her actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each male character a unique trait or catchphrase to make them more memorable and distinct, enhancing the comedic and chaotic atmosphere.
  • Incorporate internal monologue or subtle physical cues from Cassandra to reveal her emotional state and motivations, adding depth to her character as she navigates this tense situation.
  • Reassess the balance between humor and seriousness in the dialogue. Ensure that the comedic elements do not overshadow the darker themes of the scene, maintaining a consistent tone.
  • Add more sensory details to the setting, such as the smell of alcohol, the sound of laughter, or the feel of the floor beneath Cassandra's feet, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Slow down the pacing during the transition from the vodka pouring to leading Al upstairs. This could involve lingering on Cassandra's expressions or the reactions of the men, building tension and anticipation for what is to come.



Scene 53 - Confrontation in the Shadows
INT. CABIN HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
A peeling bedroom. Plaid, old mouldering boar heads, and a
needlepoint sign which reads “Yeeeh Haw!” above the bed. We
can hear the music thumping from downstairs.

AL MONROE
So. What do I...
CASSANDRA
Get on the bed.
118




AL MONROE
Ok.
(jokey)
I’m a little scared of you.
CASSANDRA
You don’t need to be scared. Get on
the bed.
AL does. She gets some pink, fluffy handcuffs out of her
nurse’s bag.
AL MONROE
Wait. Sorry. I’m not sure about
this.

CASSANDRA
It’s for my safety.

AL MONROE
What do you mean?

CASSANDRA
When I give private dances...guys
can get a little handsy so...
AL MONROE
Oh. Right. Of course.

He lets her put on the handcuffs.
AL MONROE (CONT'D)
You know...you don’t have to...I’m a
gentleman.

CASSANDRA
Are you?
AL MONROE
Yeah.
CASSANDRA
You might be surprised to hear that
gentlemen are sometimes the worst.
She finishes cuffing him.

AL MONROE
Ow. Can you loosen them a little?
CASSANDRA
You’ll get used to it.
119




AL MONROE
Look. I don’t want to sound like a
pussy but...you’re not going to...do
anything, are you? It’s just, I love
my fiancee. We’re getting married
so...I don’t want any...um...

CASSANDRA
(kind)
Hey. Do I look like someone who
would make you do something you
don’t want to do?
AL MONROE
No.

CASSANDRA
Exactly.

AL MONROE
What’s your name?

CASSANDRA
Candy.

AL MONROE
I mean. Your real name.
Beat.

CASSANDRA
Nina. Nina Fisher.
AL looks like a ghost just walked into the room. She’s
standing at the foot of his bed, staring coldly down at him.
AL MONROE
What did you say?
CASSANDRA
I said my name is Nina Fisher.
AL starts to struggle against the cuffs.

AL MONROE
Can you let me out of these, please?

CASSANDRA
I’m sorry I can’t.
120




AL MONROE
Did one of the guys put you up to
this? Was it Joe? Jesus Christ this
is dark, even for him.
CASSANDRA
I don’t follow.
AL MONROE
You are not Nina Fisher.
CASSANDRA
Why not?
AL MONROE
Because...she’s dead.

Beat.

CASSANDRA
Must be another Nina Fisher. A
coincidence.

AL MONROE
I don’t think so. Please let me go.
This isn’t funny.
CASSANDRA
Why would I give you a dead girl’s
name?
AL MONROE is panicking.
AL MONROE
This is fucked up, ok? Stop it.
CASSANDRA
But, I’m not doing anything.
AL MONROE
(shouting)
GUYS! JOE! BRANDON! CHIP! GUYS! CAN
YOU GET UP HERE!

The music is throbbing.

CASSANDRA
I don’t think they can hear you. And
even if you could shout out loud...
AL MONROE
What?
121




CASSANDRA
They’re all passed out by now.
AL MONROE is really scared now.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
Because if there is one thing that I
learned at Forrest College, it is
how easy it is to slip something
into a drink. You’d think they’d
remember that. Especially Joe!
AL MONROE
Do I know you?
CASSANDRA
I’m not sure you’d remember me, Al.
You were so popular.

It dawns on him.
AL MONROE
You’re Nina’s friend. Oh fuck.
You’re Nina’s friend.

CASSANDRA
So you DID notice me after all. I’m
surprised. I wasn’t super-fuckable
at college so, I thought I kind of
slipped your attention.
AL MONROE
What do you want? Money? Are you
blackmailing me? You can have
anything.
CASSANDRA
No, I don’t need money. I just want
a conversation.
AL MONROE
Anything you want, ok?

CASSANDRA
I want you to tell me what you did.

AL MONROE
Are you talking about...?
CASSANDRA
What do you think I’m talking about?
AL MONROE
I didn’t do anything! We were kids!
122




CASSANDRA
If I hear that ONE MORE TIME.
CASSANDRA is really, really angry. It’s all coming apart now.
123




AL MONROE
Look maybe she regretted it after
but-
CASSANDRA
Oh yeah she regretted it.

AL MONROE
I didn’t do anything!
CASSANDRA
WRONG!
AL MONROE
What do you think the fucking story
is?

CASSANDRA
Different to you I imagine.

AL MONROE
I don’t know what you want me to
say. We did not...

She let’s him flounder.
CASSANDRA
What?

AL MONROE
You know...
(whisper)
Rape her.

CASSANDRA
No? She could barely hold her head
up, she had no idea what was going
on.
AL MONROE
It was a party! I mean...yeah we
were all drunk, of course. But...she
was into it!

CASSANDRA
Didn’t look like she was into it on
the video.
Beat.
AL MONROE
What video?
124




CASSANDRA
Oh you don’t remember? Your friend
Joe taped it. Let me tell you, that
party does not look so good in the
cold light of day.

Joe remembers with terrible clarity. He’s starting to panic,
to get tearful.
AL MONROE
I’ll give you anything. I’ll do
anything. Anything.
CASSANDRA
Aw don’t cry.
(harsh)
Really. Don’t fucking cry. Tell me
what you did.

AL MONROE
I didn’t do anything wrong though!!

CASSANDRA
She dropped out. Top of her class,
and she dropped out. I did too to
take care of her. The two of us,
gone. You graduated Magna Cum Laude
though. Did you ever feel guilty? Or
did you just feel relieved that
she’d gone?
125




AL MONROE
I was affected too, you know? It’s
every guy’s worst nightmare, getting
accused like that.
CASSANDRA
Can you guess what every girl’s
worst nightmare is?
AL’s lip wobbles.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
The thing is, you thought you’d
gotten away with it because everyone
had forgotten. But I haven’t.

She opens her PVC nurse’s bag. In it are all of her surgical
instruments from college. He’s really panicking now.

AL MONROE
You’re out of your fucking mind!

CASSANDRA
I was so sad to leave, you know. I’d
wanted to be a doctor my whole life.
(beat)
But lately, I’ve been feeling like I
might want to get back into it.

She picks up a scalpel.
AL MONROE
Stop! Please!

She sits on the bed.
CASSANDRA
You know. Nina was extraordinary. So
smart. Weirdly smart.
He struggles.
AL MONROE
Help! Help me! Fuck!
126




CASSANDRA
Shhh. I want you to know what she
was like, ok? But she’s so difficult
to explain because she was just so
completely herself. Even when she
was four years old. She was fully
formed from day one. Same face. Same
walk. And funny like a grown up was
funny. Kind of, shrewd. Perceptive.
So smart.
CASSIE is absent-mindedly holding onto her BFF half-heart
necklace, with “Nina” written on it.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
I was just in awe of her. I couldn’t
believe she wanted to be my friend!
She didn’t give a fuck what anyone
else thought, except for me. Because
she was just...Nina.
(beat)
And then she wasn’t. Suddenly, she
was something else, she was yours.
It wasn’t her name she heard when
she was walking around, it was
yours. Your name all over her. All
around her. All the time. And it
just...squeezed her out.
(beat)
So when I heard your name again.
Your filthy fucking name. I wondered
when was the last time someone had
said hers. Or thought it even. Apart
from me.
(beat)
And it made me so sad. Because, Al,
you should be the one with her name
all over you.
AL MONROE
No.
CASSANDRA
Don’t worry. I’ve sterilized
everything. I really would have been
a great doctor.

AL MONROE
You’re insane.
CASSANDRA
You know what? I honestly don’t
think I am.
127




CASSANDRA unbuttons his shirt slowly.
CASSANDRA (CONT'D)
I’ll do this as quick as I can, ok?
She’s about to cut him, when-

BAM!- He breaks a hand free from a handcuff and grabs her by
the throat. CASSANDRA is caught off-guard.
He turns her onto the bed, to get both hands around her
throat. She struggles. He’s choking her.
AL MONROE
You asked for this. You fucking
asked for this. This is
your...fault.
CASSANDRA is looking at him. She can’t breathe.

She somehow slips out of his grasp. There’s a struggle, with
AL’s hand tied to the bed they’re evenly matched, she manages
to get her hand free again and she raises the scalpel.

It looks like she might win when, at the last second, AL
catches her arm and twists it. The scalpel falls to the
ground.
He wrestles her back down onto the bed. One arm on her neck,
pushing down. He starts to cry.
AL MONROE (CONT'D)
This is your fault...

He can’t look at her. He grabs a pillow puts it over her
face.
He climbs onto her head, kneeling on the pillow, smothering
her with his knees. The one hand still handcuffed to the bed.
It’s clumsy. It is going on for much too long. It feels like
forever as she struggles underneath him. Every second we’re
waiting for her to turn things around.

She tries to fight back, her hands scrabbling over him. She
scratches his neck, but she’s running out of air. Her face
hidden. AL is really sobbing now, kneeling on top of her.

Finally, after a long time, her body goes limp. Her arm
falls, lifeless, to the ground.
AL stays on top of her. Crying.
He climbs off tentatively.
128




We wait for the Fatal Attraction moment when she springs back
to life. It never comes.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a dimly lit bedroom, Al Monroe is confronted by Cassandra, who reveals herself as Nina Fisher, a friend of a deceased woman named Nina. Tension escalates as Cassandra accuses Al of wrongdoing and threatens him with a scalpel, leading to a violent struggle. In a moment of panic, Al smothers Cassandra, resulting in her death. The scene ends with Al in despair over her lifeless body, highlighting the emotional turmoil and unresolved conflict.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Complex character dynamics
  • High-stakes conflict
  • Shocking twist
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Disturbing themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.5

The scene is incredibly intense, emotionally charged, and gripping. It effectively builds tension, explores complex themes, and delivers a shocking twist that leaves a lasting impact on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of seeking justice for past wrongs and the exploration of revenge and consequences are well-executed in the scene. It delves deep into the characters' motivations and actions, creating a compelling narrative.

Plot: 9.5

The plot of the scene is crucial to the overall story, as it reveals important information, drives character development, and sets up future events. It is a pivotal moment that significantly impacts the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and intense approach to the theme of accountability and revenge, with a unique twist on the typical revenge narrative. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters are well-developed, with complex motivations and emotions driving their actions. The scene allows for deep exploration of Cassandra and Al Monroe, showcasing their conflicting perspectives and the consequences of their past actions.

Character Changes: 9

Both Cassandra and Al Monroe undergo significant changes during the scene. Their beliefs, motivations, and actions are challenged, leading to a transformative moment that shapes their characters.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront his past actions and come to terms with the consequences of his behavior. He struggles with guilt, fear, and regret as he faces the repercussions of his past actions.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to survive and escape the dangerous situation he finds himself in. He tries to reason with his captor and ultimately resorts to violence to protect himself.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict in the scene is intense, emotional, and high-stakes. It drives the narrative forward, creates tension, and leads to a dramatic climax that changes the course of the story.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a formidable adversary who challenges his beliefs, values, and sense of self. The conflict between the characters is intense and unpredictable, creating a sense of danger and urgency.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, with the characters' lives, reputations, and moral integrity on the line. The outcome of the confrontation has far-reaching consequences that impact the entire story.

Story Forward: 10

The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing crucial information, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It is a pivotal moment in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's confrontation with his captor. The shifting power dynamics and moral complexities keep the audience on edge, unsure of how the situation will resolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between accountability and denial. The protagonist must confront the truth of his actions and take responsibility for them, while also trying to justify his behavior and avoid facing the consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene has a profound emotional impact on the audience, evoking feelings of anger, sadness, fear, and shock. The intense confrontation and shocking outcome leave a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is intense, impactful, and reveals the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Cassandra and Al Monroe, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, moral ambiguity, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and the unfolding drama, keeping them invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, gradually escalating the conflict and emotional stakes. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences adds to the scene's intensity and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the setting, character interactions, and emotional dynamics. The scene is well-structured and easy to follow, enhancing the overall impact of the narrative.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a suspenseful and engaging format, building tension gradually and culminating in a dramatic confrontation. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the emotional intensity of the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the dialogue and the power dynamics between Cassandra and Al. The gradual reveal of Cassandra's true identity as Nina Fisher adds a layer of emotional weight, making the confrontation feel personal and impactful.
  • Cassandra's character is well-developed in this scene, showcasing her determination and anger towards Al. However, the transition from playful banter to a serious confrontation could be smoother. The initial light-heartedness feels somewhat jarring when juxtaposed with the heavy themes of trauma and accountability.
  • The dialogue is sharp and engaging, but there are moments where it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, when Al expresses fear and confusion, Cassandra's responses could hint at her deeper motivations rather than being overtly confrontational. This would create a more nuanced interaction.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective in building suspense, but the struggle between Cassandra and Al could be more dynamic. The physical confrontation feels somewhat rushed and could be expanded to heighten the stakes and emotional intensity. This would allow the audience to feel the weight of the moment more profoundly.
  • The visual elements, such as the setting and props (like the scalpel and handcuffs), are strong and contribute to the atmosphere. However, the description of the room could be more vivid to enhance the sense of claustrophobia and danger. Adding sensory details about the environment could immerse the audience further into the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more subtext, allowing characters to convey their emotions and motivations without explicitly stating them. This can create a richer interaction and keep the audience engaged.
  • Expand the physical struggle between Cassandra and Al to increase tension. Allow for more back-and-forth action that showcases both characters' desperation and determination, making the climax feel more earned.
  • Enhance the setting description to evoke a stronger sense of atmosphere. Use sensory details to paint a clearer picture of the room, which can amplify the emotional stakes of the confrontation.
  • Smooth out the transition from playful banter to serious confrontation. This could involve adding a moment of hesitation or a shift in tone that signals the gravity of the situation, making the audience feel the weight of Cassandra's actions.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Cassandra before the confrontation escalates. This could provide insight into her emotional state and motivations, making her actions more relatable and impactful.



Scene 54 - A Night Gone Wrong
INT. CABIN - BEDROOM - MORNING

We are in the exact same place at the night before. A shaft
of light on the bed from above. AL is still on the bed, one
hand still handcuffed to a post. He’s been up all night,
unable to get out of it: his wrist is bleeding. A scratch
mark has come up on his neck.
CASSANDRA’s face is still under the pillow, her body in the
same position. AL is shivering, crying. We hear footsteps in
the hallway.

A bluebottle bats against the window.
We are on CASSIE’S hand, her perfect manicure, hanging off
the bed, the scalpel a few inches away on the floor. When JOE
barges in.
JOE
Oh man, what a night!!

He stops. Takes in the “sleeping” body and the handcuffs.
Starts giggling.

JOE (CONT'D)
Oh my god!! Is that the fucking
nurse? Are you kidding me? Nooooice!
AL MONROE
Joe-

JOE
Don’t freak out! Come on. Anastasia
will never know. Okay? What happens
on tour, stays on tour.
Beat.
AL MONROE
She’s dead, Joe.
JOE looks at him, then laughs.
JOE
Come on.

AL MONROE
I’m not kidding.
Beat.
129




JOE
Ohhh. Fuuuck. You’re being ironic.
130




AL MONROE
(desperate)
What?
JOE
Killing a stripper at your bachelor
party? What is this the 90s?
Classic.
(beat)
You want me to get her outta here so
you can sleep? Her money’s
downstairs, although I’m not sure we
gave her a big enough tip now I see
what’s been going on here!
He walks over, and shakes her shoulder.

JOE (CONT'D)
Time to go, babe.

No response. JOE pulls the pillow up. AL looks away,
squeamish. CASSANDRA’s face is still hidden. It takes JOE a
few seconds. He replaces the pillow.

JOE (CONT'D)
SHIT!
AL MONROE
I told you!

JOE
SHIT! Oh my god. Oh my god. The
fucking stripper is dead! YOU KILLED
THE STRIPPER! How did this happen?

AL starts to cry again. Blubbering like a child.
AL MONROE
I don’t know!
JOE goes around to comfort him. This is the beginning of
every bro comedy where a guy accidentally kills/hits/hurts a
sex worker. We’ve seen this trope before. Guys hurting women.
Guys covering for their friends. We are familiar with this
scene.

JOE
Hey man. This is not your fault ok?
AL MONROE
(sniffing)
I don’t know...it kinda seems like
it is...
131




JOE
No, it’s not!
AL MONROE
(crying)
Am I...am I going to jail? What
about the wedding? What about my
job? Anastasia is going to be so
upset. No one will understand...
JOE
It was an accident though, right?
AL MONROE
I mean-

JOE
(firm)
It was an accident, Al.

AL MONROE
Yeah. Of course. I mean, of course
it was!

JOE thinks.
JOE
Listen to me. No one is going to
jail ok? Because no one is going to
know about this. If anyone asks, we
all saw her leave last night. She
stripped and she left.
AL MONROE
(faint)
She left...
JOE
Exactly. We’ll take care of it. We
just need to hide the body til the
others go.
AL nods gratefully.

JOE (CONT'D)
Al, hey, look at me.

AL looks at JOE.
JOE (CONT'D)
This is not your fault.
132




AL MONROE
(whisper)
Thank you.
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In a cabin bedroom, Al is handcuffed to a bed, bleeding and panicked, while Cassandra lies dead under a pillow. Joe enters joking about Al's night, but his humor fades when Al reveals Cassandra's death. Al fears the consequences for his upcoming wedding and potential jail time. Joe shifts to a supportive role, attempting to calm Al and suggesting they hide the body until their friends leave, as the tension escalates from dark comedy to desperation.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Dark humor
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Lack of resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and conveys the characters' emotional turmoil in a compelling way. The dark humor adds depth to the situation, making it both intense and thought-provoking.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of the scene, focusing on the unexpected consequences of a tragic event and the characters' reactions, is engaging and thought-provoking. It delves into moral dilemmas and the complexities of human behavior under pressure.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the discovery of a death and the characters' attempts to cover it up, leading to a series of escalating conflicts and decisions. It drives the narrative forward and sets the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the trope of accidental death at a bachelor party, with authentic character reactions, realistic dialogue, and a morally complex situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and emotions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive their actions. Their interactions and reactions feel authentic, adding depth to the unfolding drama.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with guilt, fear, and moral dilemmas that challenge their beliefs and values. Their decisions and actions reflect their evolving perspectives.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to deal with the guilt and fear of accidentally killing a stripper at his bachelor party. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance, fear of consequences, and desire to maintain his reputation.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to cover up the accidental death of the stripper and avoid legal consequences. This reflects the immediate challenge of hiding the body and maintaining a facade of innocence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from the characters' moral dilemmas to the high-stakes situation they find themselves in. The tension is palpable, driving the drama forward.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal guilt, external threats, and moral dilemmas. The audience is unsure of how the characters will navigate the challenges ahead.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing the consequences of a tragic event that could have far-reaching implications for their lives. The risk of exposure and the moral dilemmas add intensity to the situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting the stage for further developments. It raises the stakes and deepens the characters' arcs, driving the narrative towards a critical turning point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, shifting dynamics between characters, and moral ambiguity. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the moral dilemma of covering up a crime and protecting a friend at the expense of honesty and justice. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about loyalty, responsibility, and integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, regret, and desperation in the characters and the audience. The shocking events and the characters' reactions create a sense of unease and suspense.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, conflicts, and intentions, adding layers to their interactions. It enhances the tension and reveals key aspects of their personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and moral dilemma. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing information gradually, and allowing for emotional beats to land. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense and dramatic moment in a screenplay, with a clear setup, escalating conflict, and emotional resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the shock and horror of the situation, particularly through Al's emotional breakdown and Joe's initial obliviousness. However, the dialogue feels somewhat clichéd and relies on familiar tropes of 'bro comedies' that can detract from the gravity of the moment. This could undermine the emotional weight of Cassandra's death and the seriousness of the consequences.
  • Joe's character comes off as too comedic and dismissive in a moment that should be filled with tension and dread. His initial reaction to Cassandra's body lacks the necessary gravity, which could lead to a disconnect for the audience. This could be an opportunity to explore the complexity of his character and how he grapples with the reality of the situation.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The transition from Joe's light-hearted banter to the realization of Cassandra's death could be more gradual to enhance the emotional impact. The abrupt shift can feel jarring and may not allow the audience to fully process the gravity of the situation.
  • The use of humor in this scene, while potentially intended to provide levity, risks trivializing the serious themes of violence against women and the consequences of male irresponsibility. This could alienate viewers who are sensitive to these issues, especially given the context of Cassandra's character arc throughout the screenplay.
  • The visual elements, such as the contrast between the light shaft and the dark reality of the situation, are compelling. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive imagery that emphasizes the horror of the moment, such as Al's physical state and the starkness of the cabin environment.
Suggestions
  • Consider deepening Joe's character by showing a moment of genuine concern or fear rather than relying solely on comedic relief. This could add complexity to his character and make the scene more impactful.
  • Revise the dialogue to avoid clichés and instead focus on more authentic reactions that reflect the gravity of the situation. This could involve exploring Al's emotional turmoil in greater depth and allowing for a more nuanced conversation between him and Joe.
  • Enhance the pacing by allowing for a moment of silence or reflection after Joe realizes the truth. This could help the audience absorb the weight of the situation before moving into the frantic dialogue.
  • Reassess the use of humor in this scene. If humor is included, it should be carefully balanced to ensure it does not undermine the seriousness of the themes being addressed. Consider using it sparingly or in a way that highlights the absurdity of the situation without trivializing it.
  • Incorporate more vivid and unsettling imagery to heighten the emotional stakes. Describing the physical state of both Al and Cassandra in more detail could evoke a stronger emotional response from the audience.



Scene 55 - Embers of Closure
EXT. WOODS - DAY

“Something Wonderful” from The King And I plays over the next
few scenes.
A thick plume of black smoke rises above the trees.

EXT. WOODS - DAY
Everyone else has gone home. In the twilight of the woods,
JOE holds onto a crying AL.
They are standing in front of a bonfire. JOE throws on the
blue wig. AL can’t look. He’s too sad. JOE comforts him. JOE
nudges CASSANDRA’s hand back onto the fire with his foot.

EXT. WOODS - DAY

The fire is dying out. JOE throws CASSANDRA’s car keys into
the embers. He gently leads AL away. Poor AL is feeling very
sorry for himself.

BLACK.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a twilight-lit forest, JOE comforts the grieving AL in front of a dying bonfire. As AL struggles with his emotions, JOE performs symbolic acts of closure by throwing a blue wig and CASSANDRA's car keys into the flames, representing a farewell to her presence. AL, feeling lost, relies on JOE for support, whispering a heartfelt 'Thank you' amidst his sorrow. The scene captures a somber tone of loss and reflection, ending with a black screen that invites contemplation.
Strengths
  • Emotional impact
  • Symbolism
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Somber tone throughout

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of sadness, regret, and tension through the actions and dialogue of the characters. The use of the bonfire as a symbolic element adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the aftermath of Cassandra's death and the emotional turmoil of the characters, is well-developed and effectively conveyed. The use of the bonfire as a symbolic element adds depth to the concept.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the aftermath of Cassandra's death and the characters' reactions to the situation. It moves the story forward by showing the consequences of previous events and setting up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique elements such as the bonfire and the symbolic act of throwing car keys into the fire. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Joe and Al are well-developed in this scene, with their emotions and reactions to Cassandra's death portrayed convincingly. Their dynamic and the conflict between them add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Joe and Al undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, as they come to terms with Cassandra's death and the consequences of their actions. Their dynamic shifts as they deal with the aftermath.

Internal Goal: 8

Joe's internal goal in this scene is to comfort Al and possibly deal with his own emotions regarding the situation. It reflects Joe's caring nature and his desire to help those around him.

External Goal: 7

Joe's external goal in this scene is to lead Al away from the bonfire and possibly help him cope with his emotions. It reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a sad and vulnerable friend.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with their emotions and the consequences of their actions. The tension between Joe and Al adds to the conflict.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present in the characters' conflicting emotions and actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters grapple with the consequences of Cassandra's death and the potential fallout from their actions. The emotional and narrative stakes are raised significantly.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showing the immediate aftermath of Cassandra's death and setting up future developments. It raises the stakes and adds complexity to the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' complex emotions and the unexpected actions they take.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene could be the idea of letting go and moving on, as symbolized by throwing Cassandra's car keys into the fire. This challenges Joe's beliefs about closure and acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with the characters' sadness, regret, and fear palpable throughout. The use of the bonfire and the aftermath of Cassandra's death evoke strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between the characters. It adds to the overall atmosphere and helps drive the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth and the characters' relatable struggles with loss and grief.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a beginning, middle, and end, effectively conveying the emotional journey of the characters.


Critique
  • The emotional weight of the scene is palpable, but the transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt. The shift from Al's panic to the somber moment with Joe could benefit from a more gradual build-up, allowing the audience to fully absorb the gravity of Cassandra's death.
  • The use of 'Something Wonderful' from The King And I is an interesting choice, as it contrasts with the dark subject matter. However, the juxtaposition may confuse the audience regarding the intended tone. It might be more effective to choose a piece of music that aligns more closely with the somber and tragic nature of the scene.
  • The visual imagery of the bonfire and the act of throwing Cassandra's belongings into it is powerful, but the actions could be more explicitly tied to Al's emotional state. For instance, showing Al's internal struggle or guilt through his physical reactions or dialogue could deepen the impact.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which can be effective in conveying the weight of the moment, but it may leave the audience wanting more insight into Al's feelings. A few lines of internal monologue or a brief exchange between Joe and Al could enhance the emotional resonance.
  • The nudging of Cassandra's hand into the fire is a striking visual, but it may come off as insensitive or overly casual given the context. This action could be framed in a way that highlights Joe's conflicted emotions, perhaps showing a moment of hesitation before he does it.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection before Joe throws the wig and keys into the fire, allowing the audience to process the loss.
  • Explore Al's emotional state more deeply through his body language or a few lines of dialogue that express his guilt or sorrow, making his character's feelings more relatable.
  • Reevaluate the choice of music to ensure it complements the scene's tone. A more somber or reflective piece could enhance the emotional impact.
  • Incorporate a moment where Joe acknowledges the gravity of the situation, perhaps expressing regret or sorrow for what has happened, which would add depth to his character and their relationship.
  • Consider showing the aftermath of the bonfire scene, perhaps through a brief flashback or a moment of reflection for Al, to emphasize the long-term consequences of the events that transpired.



Scene 56 - Desperate Pleas
INT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Two cops, LINCOLN, a kindly, seasoned detective and TODD, his
smart, young partner, are interviewing a terrified SUSAN and
STANLEY.
SUSAN
Can’t you track her phone or
something?
LINCOLN
I’m sorry, ma’am. It was turned off
before she left. Seems like she
really didn’t want anyone to know
where she was.
SUSAN
It’s not like her to
just...disappear like this.
133




STANLEY
Well, honey, that’s not entirely-
SUSAN
(stern)
Stanley.

SUSAN starts to cry.
SUSAN (CONT'D)
She was getting better. She was
getting better, wasn’t she?
STANLEY comforts her.
STANLEY
Of course she was. She’ll come back.
You know what she’s like. She always
comes back.

The cops look at STANLEY. They can see from his face he
doesn’t believe this.

TODD
Was she seeing anyone? Did she have
a boyfriend?
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In a tense kitchen interview, detectives Lincoln and Todd question distraught mother Susan and her uncertain husband Stanley about their missing daughter, Cassandra. Susan's emotional turmoil is palpable as she expresses fear for Cassandra's safety and questions the detectives' ability to track her phone. While Stanley attempts to comfort her, his lack of conviction raises doubts. Todd's probing questions about Cassandra's romantic life hint at potential leads, leaving the family's anguish unresolved.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension building
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of Cassandra's disappearance through the reactions of Susan and Stanley, creating a sense of tension and concern that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a loved one disappearing and the subsequent emotional turmoil of the family members is a compelling and relatable theme that adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the mystery of Cassandra's disappearance deepens, setting up future conflicts and resolutions within the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar premise of a missing person investigation but adds depth through the emotional turmoil of the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Susan and Stanley are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their love for Cassandra and their desperation to find her.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development as the story unfolds.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find comfort and reassurance in the face of uncertainty and fear. Susan is grappling with the disappearance of her loved one and seeking solace in the belief that she will return.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information about the missing person, specifically if she had a boyfriend or any other relationships that could provide clues to her whereabouts.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Susan and Stanley grapple with their emotions and fears surrounding Cassandra's disappearance.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters are faced with the uncertainty of the missing person investigation and conflicting emotions about the situation.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters grapple with the uncertainty of Cassandra's whereabouts and well-being.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the central conflict of Cassandra's disappearance and the emotional toll it takes on her family.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting emotions and uncertain outcomes of the missing person investigation. The audience is left wondering about the resolution of the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between hope and despair. Susan is desperately holding onto hope that her loved one will return, while Stanley seems to be more realistic and doubtful about the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of worry, sadness, and hope from the audience as they empathize with Susan and Stanley's plight.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, driving the scene forward and adding depth to their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and suspense surrounding the missing person investigation. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and the mystery of the situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' emotional journey and the mystery of the missing person investigation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character cues and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic moment in a mystery genre, with tension building through dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil of Susan and Stanley as they grapple with the disappearance of their daughter, Cassandra. The dialogue captures the tension and fear of a parent losing a child, which is relatable and impactful.
  • However, the pacing feels a bit rushed. The transition from the previous scene's intense emotional climax to this more subdued moment could benefit from a more gradual shift. Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the weight of what just happened before diving into the interview.
  • The characterization of the detectives, particularly Lincoln and Todd, could be enhanced. While Lincoln is described as kindly and seasoned, and Todd as smart and young, their personalities and dynamics could be more vividly illustrated through their actions or dialogue. For instance, showing Lincoln's empathy through a gentle touch or a reassuring tone could deepen the audience's connection to him.
  • The dialogue between Susan and Stanley is effective in showcasing their differing emotional states, but it could be more nuanced. Stanley's attempt to comfort Susan feels somewhat generic. Adding specific memories or anecdotes about Cassandra could make their relationship feel more authentic and layered.
  • The line 'Did she have a boyfriend?' from Todd feels somewhat abrupt and lacks context. It might be more effective if it were framed within a broader question about Cassandra's recent behavior or relationships, which would make it feel less like a plot device and more like a natural inquiry.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual transition that reflects the gravity of the previous scene before introducing the detectives and the interview.
  • Enhance the detectives' characterization by incorporating small actions or dialogue that reveal their personalities and how they handle the situation. For example, Lincoln could show empathy through body language or a comforting gesture.
  • Deepen the emotional connection between Susan and Stanley by including specific memories or anecdotes about Cassandra that highlight their relationship and the impact of her disappearance.
  • Reframe Todd's question about Cassandra's boyfriend to be part of a broader inquiry about her recent behavior or relationships, making it feel more organic and less like a plot device.
  • Consider using visual elements in the kitchen setting to reflect the family's emotional state, such as a cluttered table or a family photo that evokes memories of happier times.



Scene 57 - Unraveling Secrets
INT. BATHORY HOSPITAL - RYAN’S OFFICE - DAY
RYAN is working when he hears a knock on the door. It’s
LINCOLN.
LINCOLN
Are you Dr. Cooper?

RYAN
Yeah.
LINCOLN flashes his badge.
LINCOLN
Detective Walker.
RYAN tries to stay calm. Has CASSIE sent the video?

RYAN
Sure, come in.
We can feel that LINCOLN is impressed by Ryan.
LINCOLN
Pediatric surgeon, huh?
134




RYAN
Yeah.
LINCOLN
That’s very commendable. Thank you
for all that you do for the
community.
RYAN is a little wrong-footed.
RYAN
Sure.
LINCOLN
Sorry to bother you at work, doctor.
Do you know a Cassandra Thomas?

Beat.

RYAN
(wary)
Yeah. Yes. Why?

LINCOLN
How do you know her?
135




RYAN
We were seeing each other.
LINCOLN
‘Were’ seeing each other?

RYAN
Yeah. We...we broke up a few days
ago.
LINCOLN
Define a few days.
RYAN
Um. Last Thursday.

LINCOLN
Have you had any contact since?

RYAN
No. I’m sorry, what is this
regarding?

LINCOLN
Cassandra’s parents have filed a
missing persons report.
This is a surprise.

RYAN
What? Why?
Beat.

LINCOLN
Because she’s missing.
RYAN is reeling. This doesn’t make sense.
RYAN
Since when?
LINCOLN
Since Friday.
RYAN
Jesus. Why didn’t anyone tell me?
LINCOLN
You said you were no longer her
boyfriend.
136




RYAN
I’m not but...
LINCOLN
She told her parents something about
a work trip, but her colleague
didn’t know anything about it. Do
you have any idea where she might
have been going to this weekend?
RYAN
I-
He stops. If he’s honest he could be hugely compromised. They
could find the video.

What he’s about to say is terrible.
RYAN (CONT'D)
Yeah she...said she was going on a
work trip.

LINCOLN
Any idea where?

Beat.
RYAN
No. I’m sorry.

LINCOLN
It’s alright, doc. Between you and
me, it sounded like she wasn’t
feeling so good. Mentally, I mean.
Her father seemed to think she
was... a little unstable.
Beat.
RYAN
Yeah. She was...not in a good place.
LINCOLN
You think she might have...
LINCOLN (CONT'D)
Wanted to hurt herself?
This is the get out RYAN needs. He’s happy to believe it too.
It’ll absolve him. He can be the good guy again.
137




RYAN
(relief)
Yeah. Yeah, I guess. She could have.
LINCOLN
I thought that might be the case.
Thank you for your honesty.
(beat)
Well. I don’t want to bother you
anymore, but if you wouldn’t mind
coming to the station tomorrow, you
know, for an official statement.
RYAN
(earnest)
Of course. Anything I can do to
help.
TODD
Thank you for your time, doctor.
Appreciate it.

LINCOLN leaves. RYAN watches him go. He’s gotten away with
it, but it doesn’t feel good.
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense scene, Detective Lincoln confronts Ryan about his missing ex-girlfriend, Cassandra Thomas. As Ryan grapples with the implications of her disappearance, he reveals that she had mentioned a work trip but struggles with her mental state. Attempting to deflect responsibility, Ryan suggests Cassandra may have been unstable, which allows him to distance himself from the situation. Lincoln requests Ryan to come to the station for an official statement, leaving Ryan feeling both relieved and uneasy as he reflects on the troubling circumstances.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Revealing crucial information
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the interrogation, revealing crucial information about Cassandra's disappearance. The emotional weight of Ryan's dilemma adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unraveling secrets and exploring the consequences of past actions is engaging and drives the narrative forward. The scene effectively sets up future developments in the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with key information about Cassandra's disappearance revealed. The conflict introduced adds depth to the story and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the missing person trope by focusing on the moral implications and personal consequences for the characters involved. The authenticity of the dialogue and character interactions adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Ryan's internal struggle and the detective's probing adding layers to the narrative. The scene showcases the complexity of the characters' motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Ryan undergoes a significant internal change as he grapples with the consequences of his actions and the revelation of Cassandra's disappearance. The scene sets up potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Ryan's internal goal in this scene is to protect himself and his reputation while dealing with the unexpected news of Cassandra's disappearance. This reflects his fear of being implicated in any wrongdoing and his desire to maintain a positive image.

External Goal: 7.5

Ryan's external goal is to cooperate with Detective Lincoln's investigation and provide any information that may help find Cassandra. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a missing person case and potential legal implications.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, with Ryan facing a moral dilemma and the detective probing into Cassandra's disappearance. The tension between the characters adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Detective Lincoln presenting a challenge to Ryan's attempts to protect himself and navigate the investigation. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with Ryan facing potential consequences for his actions and Cassandra's life hanging in the balance. The scene sets up a tense and suspenseful narrative arc.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing key information about Cassandra's disappearance and setting up future conflicts and revelations. It propels the narrative towards a crucial turning point.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, the revelation of new information, and the moral ambiguity of the protagonist's choices. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around honesty and self-preservation. Ryan must balance telling the truth about Cassandra's whereabouts while protecting himself from potential consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with Ryan's internal turmoil and the mystery surrounding Cassandra's disappearance evoking a sense of unease and suspense.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the tension and revealing important details about the characters. The exchanges between Ryan and the detective are particularly compelling.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and suspenseful dialogue. The audience is drawn into the characters' internal conflicts and the unfolding mystery of Cassandra's disappearance.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed pauses and revelations that keep the audience engaged. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a dramatic dialogue-driven scene, with clear scene headings and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic confrontation, with clear character motivations and escalating tension. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the dialogue between Ryan and Lincoln, creating a sense of urgency regarding Cassandra's disappearance. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by incorporating more of Ryan's internal conflict. As he grapples with the implications of his knowledge about Cassandra's mental state and the video, the audience would benefit from a deeper exploration of his guilt and fear.
  • Ryan's character comes across as somewhat passive in this scene. While he is wary and concerned, his reactions could be more dynamic. For instance, showing physical manifestations of his anxiety—such as fidgeting, sweating, or pacing—would enhance the tension and make his emotional state more palpable.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks subtext in some areas. For example, when Lincoln mentions that Cassandra's father thinks she was 'a little unstable,' Ryan's response could include more nuance. Instead of a straightforward acknowledgment, he could express a mix of concern and defensiveness, hinting at his own complicity in her state of mind.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transitions between beats. Allowing for longer pauses or moments of silence could amplify the tension and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the situation. This would also allow Ryan's internal struggle to resonate more with the audience.
  • The ending of the scene, where Ryan feels relieved after deflecting suspicion, could be more impactful. Instead of simply stating that it doesn't feel good, consider showing a physical reaction that conveys his internal conflict—perhaps a moment of self-loathing or a flash of guilt that contrasts with his relief.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more internal monologue or visual cues to illustrate Ryan's emotional turmoil and guilt regarding Cassandra's situation. This could help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Enhance the dialogue with subtext that reveals Ryan's conflicting feelings about Cassandra's mental state and his role in it. This could create a richer character dynamic and heighten the stakes.
  • Slow down the pacing by adding pauses or moments of silence to allow the tension to build. This would give the audience time to process the implications of the conversation.
  • Consider adding a moment where Ryan reflects on his past interactions with Cassandra, perhaps recalling a specific incident that highlights his guilt or complicity, which would deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Revise the final lines to include a more visceral reaction from Ryan, showcasing his internal conflict and leaving the audience with a stronger sense of unease about his character's moral standing.



Scene 58 - A Wedding of Joy and Discontent
EXT. LAWN - DAY
A beautiful day. A beautiful “artisan” woodland wedding. AL
gazes at his beautiful wife. We can just see a band aid on
his neck above his collar.
He and ANASTASIA exchange vows to a ukulele version of
“You’re Still The One” by Shania Twain. As AL takes the ring
from his best man, JOE, JOE winks at him. AL tries not to
flinch.

We weave in and out as AL kisses his bride. As they run down
the aisle to cheering. Have their photos taken. As the
gorgeous guests mill around drinking champagne and laughing.
Among it, but apart from it, is RYAN. Trying to look like
he’s enjoying himself. JOE approaches him.
JOE
Do you see that bridesmaid?

He nods over.
JOE (CONT'D)
She trained with the Circe Du
Soleil. You can come on her face and
her back at the same time.
138




RYAN
That’s nice.
JOE grins and runs over to the bridesmaid. RYAN sighs. Then-
His phone goes. It’s a message, he looks at the screen.

CASSIE.
Holy shit. He looks around, furtively reads the text.
“Scheduled Message from CASSANDRA THOMAS pending”.
What?
“No Regrets” by The Walker Brothers begins to play.

CUT TO:

MONTAGE:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary During a picturesque woodland wedding, Al and Anastasia exchange vows while Al's best man, Joe, provides comic relief with a crude comment. As the couple celebrates, Ryan stands apart, feeling disconnected and distracted by a text from Cassie, hinting at unresolved issues in his life. The scene captures the contrast between the joyful celebration and Ryan's internal struggle, culminating in a montage set to 'No Regrets' by The Walker Brothers.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation
  • Emotional depth
  • High-stakes tension
Weaknesses
  • Tragic outcome
  • Dark themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension and emotion through the confrontation between Cassandra/Nina and Al Monroe, culminating in a shocking and tragic event. The high-stakes nature of the scene keeps the audience engaged and emotionally invested.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of confronting past wrongs and seeking justice is compelling and drives the scene forward. The revelation of the video and the confrontation between Cassandra/Nina and Al Monroe adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene is crucial in revealing key information about the characters and their motivations. The conflict and resolution contribute to the overall narrative tension.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique situations and fresh dialogue, creating an authentic portrayal of social dynamics at a wedding.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with Cassandra/Nina and Al Monroe displaying complex emotions and motivations. Their interactions drive the scene and reveal important aspects of their personalities.

Character Changes: 9

Both Cassandra/Nina and Al Monroe undergo significant changes during the scene, with revelations about their past actions and the consequences they face. These changes drive the emotional intensity of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain composure and hide his discomfort or fear, as indicated by his reaction to the wink from Joe. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and approval.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to enjoy the wedding and blend in with the guests, despite feeling out of place. This reflects the immediate challenge of socializing and appearing happy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, driving the narrative forward and leading to a tragic outcome. The confrontation between Cassandra/Nina and Al Monroe creates a sense of urgency and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and social dynamics creating obstacles for the protagonist to navigate.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene, including the confrontation between Cassandra/Nina and Al Monroe, the revelation of the video, and the tragic outcome, heighten the tension and drama. The characters' fates hang in the balance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters and their relationships. The events that unfold have a significant impact on the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected message from Cassie and the tension between the characters, creating uncertainty about the protagonist's next actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is evident in Joe's crude comment to Ryan, challenging traditional values of respect and decency. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about appropriate behavior in social settings.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of shock, sadness, and tension. The tragic events that unfold leave a lasting impression on the audience.

Dialogue: 8.3

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotion of the scene, with impactful exchanges between Cassandra/Nina and Al Monroe. The dialogue drives the conflict and reveals key information.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the mix of humor, drama, and suspense, keeping the audience interested in the characters' interactions and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension and suspense effectively, leading to a climactic moment with the message from Cassie.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting guidelines for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and action sequences, fitting the expected format for a wedding scene in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the joyous atmosphere of a wedding with Ryan's internal turmoil, which is a strong narrative choice. However, the juxtap could be enhanced by providing more insight into Ryan's emotional state. As it stands, his discomfort feels somewhat vague; adding a line or two of internal monologue or a flashback could deepen the audience's understanding of his feelings.
  • The dialogue between Joe and Ryan is intended to be humorous, but it risks undermining the gravity of the preceding scenes. Joe's crude comment about the bridesmaid feels out of place given the context of Cassandra's death. This could be perceived as insensitive and may alienate the audience from Joe's character. Consider softening Joe's humor or making it more situationally appropriate to maintain the tone.
  • The use of a scheduled message from Cassandra is a clever narrative device that creates suspense and intrigue. However, the scene could benefit from a clearer visual cue or sound effect to emphasize the significance of the message. This would help the audience grasp its importance immediately, rather than having to infer it from Ryan's reaction.
  • The transition into the montage feels abrupt. While montages can be effective for pacing, the shift from the wedding scene to the montage should be smoother. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Ryan before the montage begins, allowing the audience to process the emotional weight of the wedding and Ryan's situation.
  • The choice of music, 'No Regrets,' is thematically relevant but could be better integrated into the scene. Perhaps the lyrics could echo Ryan's internal conflict, or the music could swell at a pivotal moment to heighten the emotional impact. This would create a more cohesive atmosphere and enhance the audience's connection to Ryan's experience.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief internal monologue for Ryan to express his feelings about the wedding and Cassandra's absence, which would provide depth to his character and clarify his emotional state.
  • Consider revising Joe's dialogue to make it less crude or more contextually relevant, ensuring that it aligns with the overall tone of the scene and does not detract from the gravity of the previous events.
  • Incorporate a visual or auditory cue when Ryan receives the scheduled message to emphasize its significance and create a stronger connection to the narrative.
  • Introduce a moment of reflection for Ryan before transitioning into the montage, allowing the audience to absorb the emotional weight of the wedding scene.
  • Enhance the integration of the music by aligning its lyrics or emotional tone with Ryan's internal conflict, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 59 - Whispers of Disappearance
INT. JORDAN’S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
MONTAGE: Jordan opens a package. Inside is MADISON’s
blackberry.
He reads the letter that accompanies it. We catch a couple of
sentences. “In the event of my disappearance...Friday May
22nd...Alexander Monroe’s bachelor party...cabin....Cassie”.
He frowns as he reads, becoming increasingly troubled. He
picks up his phone, and dials.

INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
MONTAGE: GAIL finds another letter in the cash register,
addressed to her. It’s the other half of the BFF necklace,
this one says “CASSIE”. She looks in the envelope. No letter.

EXT. WOODS - DAY
MONTAGE: Police, with dogs, search the woods, they come
across the pile of ashes from the bonfire. Shouting,
activity. There’s nothing left. Except for the other half of
the necklace, burnt out but still readable in the ashes:
“Nina”.
BACK TO:
139
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery","Thriller"]

Summary Jordan receives a troubling package containing Madison's blackberry and a letter hinting at her disappearance, which mentions a bachelor party and a person named Cassie. As he grapples with the implications, Gail discovers a half of a BFF necklace labeled 'CASSIE' in the cash register, while police search the woods and find burnt remnants of a necklace reading 'Nina'. The scene is filled with tension and unanswered questions, culminating in a haunting sense of loss.
Strengths
  • Effective use of montages to reveal information
  • High emotional impact
  • Strong character reactions and interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the use of montages and character interactions, culminating in a shocking revelation that significantly impacts the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing crucial information through montages and character interactions is well-executed, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the revelation in this scene, setting up new conflicts and challenges for the characters to navigate.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the mystery genre by using montages and fragmented information to build suspense. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in this scene are crucial in driving the narrative forward and adding depth to their development.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes in this scene, particularly in their understanding of the situation and the choices they must make.

Internal Goal: 8

Jordan's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the mysterious letters and the disappearance of Madison and Cassie. This reflects his deeper need for closure and his fear of the unknown.

External Goal: 7

Jordan's external goal is to find out what happened to Madison and Cassie and potentially rescue them if they are in danger. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in unraveling the mystery.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, as characters grapple with the repercussions of the revelation and the decisions they must make moving forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create suspense and uncertainty, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the protagonist's goals.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as characters are faced with life-changing decisions and the consequences of past actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information that alters the course of the narrative and sets up new conflicts and challenges.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new clues and twists that keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between loyalty and betrayal. The characters are faced with the dilemma of trusting their friends or suspecting foul play, which challenges their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting fear, concern, relief, shock, and panic from the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and tensions present in the scene, contributing to the overall impact of the revelation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its fast-paced montages and cryptic clues.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building montages and character-driven moments that maintain the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct transitions between locations and montages.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a mystery genre, with multiple locations and montages building towards a climactic revelation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses montage to convey a sense of urgency and interconnectedness between the characters and events. However, the transitions between the different locations (Jordan's house, the coffee shop, and the woods) could be more fluid. Consider adding visual or auditory cues that link these montages together, enhancing the narrative flow.
  • The emotional weight of the scene is strong, particularly with Jordan's reaction to the letter and the implications of Madison's disappearance. However, the scene could benefit from deeper character exploration. For instance, including a brief flashback or a moment of reflection for Jordan as he reads the letter could provide insight into his relationship with Madison and heighten the stakes.
  • The use of the BFF necklace as a motif is poignant, symbolizing lost connections and friendship. However, the significance of the necklace could be emphasized further. Perhaps a brief moment where Gail recalls a memory associated with the necklace could add emotional depth and context to its importance.
  • The police search montage is visually compelling but lacks a sense of urgency. Adding sound design elements, such as the barking of dogs or the rustling of leaves, could enhance the tension and make the search feel more immediate and desperate.
  • The final reveal of the burnt necklace piece is impactful, but the scene could benefit from a stronger emotional reaction from the characters involved. Consider showing a brief moment of realization or horror from the police or a nearby character upon discovering the necklace, which would amplify the emotional stakes.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate visual or auditory transitions between the montages to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Add a flashback or reflective moment for Jordan as he reads the letter to deepen his character and the emotional stakes.
  • Include a memory or moment of significance related to the BFF necklace for Gail to enhance its emotional weight.
  • Enhance the police search montage with sound design elements to create a greater sense of urgency.
  • Show a stronger emotional reaction from characters upon discovering the burnt necklace to amplify the scene's impact.



Scene 60 - Wedding Chaos: The Arrest
EXT. LAWN - DAY - MOMENTS LATER
“No Regrets” still playing, RYAN opens the scheduled text.
“Lucky I got insurance!”

He looks up, sirens are coming into the drive. A line of
police cars. The beautiful guests all turn to look, confused.
Series of shots:
AL MONROE looks over at JOE, both of them in a huge panic.
They didn’t get away with it.
ANASTASIA looks at her husband: what’s going on?

AL’S FATHER arguing with the police as they walk into the
wedding.

AL being put into handcuffs. He’s already crying.
His bride sobbing into her father’s shoulder.
JOE discreetly slips away.

All the guests looking on horrified.
RYAN’s phone beeps again amidst all the chaos. He looks down
at it, dazed.

From CASSIE:
“Enjoy the wedding! ;)”


THE END
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary As police sirens blare, Ryan receives a cryptic text about insurance just as chaos erupts at a wedding. Guests, including Al Monroe and Joe, are thrown into confusion and panic as Al is handcuffed and cries, while his bride sobs into her father's shoulder. Al's father argues with the police, and Joe discreetly slips away from the scene. Amidst the turmoil, Ryan receives another text from Cassie, wishing him to enjoy the wedding, highlighting the stark contrast between the celebration and the unfolding disaster.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Emotional depth
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Certain plot points may require further development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and emotion through its dramatic revelations and unexpected turns, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the exposure of secrets and the consequences of past actions, is compelling and drives the narrative forward with tension and drama.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and impactful, with significant developments that have lasting consequences for the characters and the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the wedding setting by incorporating elements of crime and suspense, adding complexity and depth to the characters' interactions. The authenticity of the characters' reactions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their actions and motivations drive the conflict and emotional intensity of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes during the scene, particularly in their understanding of past events and their relationships with others.

Internal Goal: 8

Ryan's internal goal in this scene is likely to process the shock and confusion of the unfolding events. His deeper need may be to make sense of the chaos and maintain composure in the face of unexpected circumstances.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the escalating situation at the wedding caused by the arrival of the police and the arrest of a guest. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the fallout of a crime or misconduct during a public event.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high and characters facing significant challenges and revelations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the unexpected arrival of the police and the arrest of a guest creating a significant obstacle for the characters to overcome. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding suspense and tension to the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters facing the consequences of their actions and the potential unraveling of their lives and relationships.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing key information, escalating conflicts, and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a sudden and dramatic twist in the wedding setting, catching both the characters and the audience off guard. The unexpected arrival of the police and the arrest of a guest add a layer of suspense and uncertainty to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene could revolve around the consequences of one's actions and the clash between appearances and reality. The characters are forced to confront the repercussions of their choices in a public setting, challenging their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with moments of shock, regret, and devastation that resonate with the audience and heighten the drama.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between the characters, adding depth to their interactions and revealing key information.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a dramatic turning point in the narrative, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional turmoil and the escalating tension at the wedding. The unexpected developments and rapid shifts in perspective keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the escalating tension and chaos at the wedding, with rapid shifts in perspective and a sense of urgency that drives the narrative forward. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling. The use of dialogue and visual cues effectively conveys the unfolding events.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-defined structure that effectively builds tension and conveys the escalating chaos at the wedding. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and culminates in a dramatic revelation, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. The reactions of the characters, particularly Ryan, could be expanded to convey a stronger sense of shock and horror at the unfolding events.
  • The use of the text message from Cassie serves as a chilling contrast to the chaos of the wedding, but the emotional weight of this moment could be enhanced. Ryan's reaction to the text feels somewhat muted; exploring his internal conflict and feelings of guilt or complicity could add layers to his character.
  • The pacing of the scene is quick, which works well for the urgency of the moment, but it may leave some viewers feeling detached. Slowing down certain moments, such as the police arriving or the guests' reactions, could heighten the emotional stakes and allow the audience to fully absorb the gravity of the situation.
  • The visual storytelling is strong, with clear imagery of panic and confusion among the guests. However, incorporating more specific details about the setting or the guests' expressions could further immerse the audience in the scene. For example, describing the wedding decorations or the atmosphere before the chaos could create a stark contrast to the ensuing panic.
  • The ending feels abrupt, and while it leaves the audience with a sense of intrigue, it may benefit from a more definitive conclusion or a hint at the consequences of the events that transpired. This could involve a brief moment of reflection from Ryan or a visual cue that ties back to the themes of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ryan physically reacts to the chaos around him, such as dropping his phone or stepping back in disbelief, to emphasize his emotional state.
  • Explore Ryan's internal thoughts or feelings in a voiceover or through a brief flashback to his relationship with Cassandra, which could deepen the impact of the text message he receives.
  • Incorporate a few lines of dialogue from the guests or Al's family to provide context for their confusion and fear, enhancing the sense of community and shared trauma at the wedding.
  • Add a visual element that symbolizes the shift from celebration to chaos, such as a close-up of a wedding decoration falling or a glass shattering, to heighten the dramatic impact.
  • Consider extending the scene slightly to allow for a moment of silence or reflection after the chaos, giving the audience a chance to process the events before the credits roll.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

jez

Jez is a complex character who embodies a blend of compassion and internal conflict. Initially portrayed as a shy and sweet individual, he is uncomfortable with the toxic dynamics of his peer group and strives to maintain a moral compass. His speaking style is characterized by hesitance, politeness, and empathy, which starkly contrasts with the aggressive tones of his peers. As the story progresses, Jez's caring nature shines through, particularly in his concern for Cassandra, where he speaks in a calm and reassuring manner, using simple and direct phrases to convey his empathy. However, he also grapples with societal expectations and peer pressure, leading him to make impulsive and questionable decisions, especially in romantic contexts. This culminates in a darker turn where he becomes manipulative and predatory, taking advantage of Cassandra's vulnerability, with a smooth and persuasive speaking style that masks a menacing undertone.



cassandra

<ul><li>Cassandra is a multifaceted character who embodies vulnerability, resilience, and complexity. Initially portrayed as a vulnerable and intoxicated woman, she navigates a world where she is often objectified and manipulated by those around her. As the story progresses, Cassandra reveals her inner strength and defiance, confronting societal norms and expectations with sharp wit and sarcasm. She grapples with feelings of loneliness, disappointment, and a desire for connection, often using humor as a defense mechanism to mask her true emotions. Despite her tough exterior, she is deeply affected by her past traumas and internal conflicts, showcasing moments of vulnerability and introspection. Cassandra's speaking style is characterized by a blend of dry humor, directness, and emotional depth, reflecting her complex personality and the struggles she faces.</li><li>Cassandra's speaking style is often dry and sarcastic, with a tendency to be straightforward and blunt, especially in emotional situations. She uses humor to deflect serious conversations, making quick-witted remarks that reveal her intelligence and resourcefulness. Her tone can shift from hesitant and uncertain to assertive and confrontational, depending on her emotional state and the dynamics of the scene.</li></ul>



stanley

Stanley is a kind and rumpled father who embodies a complex blend of concern, protectiveness, and emotional depth. He navigates the challenges of fatherhood with a gentle and inquisitive demeanor, often probing for answers while trying to maintain a sense of normalcy amidst underlying tensions. His stern yet caring nature reflects his protective instincts towards his daughter, Cassandra, as he balances his wife's concerns with his daughter's burgeoning independence. Stanley's speaking style varies from authoritative and direct to gentle and encouraging, showcasing his desire for family harmony. He is also somewhat oblivious at times, adding a touch of humor to interactions, yet he remains deeply affected by the absence of a family member, expressing his feelings openly. Ultimately, he is a supportive and optimistic figure who values family unity and strives to instill hope in uncertain situations.



susan

Susan is a complex character who embodies the struggles of a concerned mother caught in the web of family tensions. Throughout the feature, she is depicted as exhausted and anxious, reflecting her inner turmoil as she navigates the strained dynamics between her daughter, Cassandra, and her partner, Stanley. Initially, Susan appears reserved and distant, caught between her husband's suspicions and her daughter's explanations, which creates a palpable tension. As the story progresses, her protective instincts surface, revealing a critical side that highlights her disappointment in Cassandra's choices. Despite her gentle and hesitant speaking style, which reflects her desire for peace, Susan's direct and emotional communication reveals her deep concern for Cassandra's well-being. She is perceptive and sensitive to the underlying issues, expressing frustration and disappointment while trying to bridge the gap between them. Ultimately, Susan is portrayed as a loving and caring mother, deeply worried about her daughter's disappearance, with a nurturing yet slightly overbearing demeanor. Her speaking style evolves from gentle and firm to more emotional and concerned, showcasing her growth as she seeks reconciliation and understanding within the family.



gail

Gail is a multifaceted character who embodies a blend of authority, humor, and maternal concern. As a no-nonsense boss, she sees potential in her employee, Cassandra, but is often frustrated by Cassandra's lack of ambition. Gail's speaking style is authoritative and blunt, yet she balances this with a caring demeanor, pushing Cassandra to confront her issues and make necessary changes. Her sarcasm and humor provide comic relief, showcasing her ability to engage in witty banter while maintaining a direct and irreverent tone. This combination of practicality and emotional insight allows her to serve as a voice of reason, contrasting with Cassandra's emotional intensity. Additionally, Gail's receipt of a mysterious letter introduces an element of intrigue, hinting at hidden secrets and connections that may impact her character's journey.



ryan

Ryan is a charming and kind-hearted young man with a genuine personality that shines through his slightly awkward demeanor. He is characterized by his earnestness and persistence in connecting with Cassandra, often employing a playful and flirtatious speaking style that includes light-hearted humor and self-deprecation. As the story progresses, Ryan's character reveals layers of nostalgia and a supportive nature, as he reminisces about their shared history while encouraging Cassandra to confront her emotions. Despite his good intentions, he misreads situations, leading to moments of disappointment and vulnerability. His speaking style evolves from casual and friendly to more measured and earnest as he grapples with the consequences of his past actions, showcasing a blend of skepticism, empathy, and moral ambiguity. Ultimately, Ryan's character arc reflects a journey from light-hearted charm to a deeper emotional complexity, as he navigates the challenges of love, regret, and self-preservation.



al monroe

Al Monroe is a complex character who embodies the duality of privilege and vulnerability. Initially portrayed as preppy and confident, he represents the life choices Cassandra could have made, triggering feelings of jealousy and regret within her. As the narrative unfolds, Al's arrogance and dismissive demeanor give way to a more vulnerable side, revealing his guilt and fear following a tragic event. His speaking style evolves from defensive and pleading to hesitant and desperate, reflecting his internal turmoil and the weight of his past actions. Al's journey is marked by a dramatic fall from grace, transitioning from a celebratory wedding atmosphere to a moment of crisis where he is handcuffed and confronted with the consequences of his behavior. This emotional journey highlights his struggle with guilt and the power dynamics at play, ultimately showcasing his desperation and need for reassurance in a moment of reckoning.



madison

Madison is a complex character who embodies a blend of outgoing charm and deep-seated insecurities. Initially, she presents herself as effusive and confident, often masking her sharp wit with a veneer of friendliness. Her animated and exaggerated speaking style, coupled with dramatic gestures, allows her to navigate social situations with ease, though her compliments often carry veiled insults. As the story progresses, her jovial and slightly superficial demeanor begins to crack, revealing her struggles with past decisions and emotional turmoil. In moments of vulnerability, her speaking style shifts to become hesitant and emotional, reflecting her anxiety and relief as she confronts the consequences of her actions. Ultimately, Madison is filled with shame and regret as she grapples with a dark secret from her past, struggling to articulate her feelings and overwhelmed by the weight of her choices. This evolution showcases her internal conflict and the complexity of her character, making her journey both relatable and poignant.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
jez Jez's character arc follows a trajectory of moral struggle and transformation. He begins as a well-meaning but timid individual, trying to navigate the complexities of friendship and romantic interest while remaining true to his values. As he becomes increasingly influenced by his peers, he experiences a moral decline, leading him to act in ways that betray his initial compassion. This descent into manipulation serves as a critical turning point, forcing him to confront the consequences of his actions. Ultimately, Jez must choose between continuing down a dark path or reclaiming his integrity and empathy, leading to a redemptive moment where he seeks to make amends with Cassandra and assert his true self against the toxic influences around him. Jez's character arc presents an intriguing exploration of moral conflict, but it risks becoming inconsistent due to the abrupt shift from empathy to manipulation. This transformation may feel jarring to the audience if not adequately developed. The transition from a caring individual to a predatory figure lacks sufficient buildup, which could undermine the emotional impact of his eventual redemption. Additionally, the portrayal of his impulsiveness could benefit from deeper exploration, as it currently feels somewhat superficial and may not resonate with viewers who seek a more nuanced understanding of his motivations. To improve Jez's character arc, consider providing more gradual development of his moral decline. This could involve showcasing moments where he struggles with peer pressure and the temptation to conform, allowing the audience to empathize with his internal conflict. Incorporating flashbacks or reflections on his past values could also enhance the depth of his character. Furthermore, establishing clearer stakes for his relationship with Cassandra would make his eventual redemption more impactful. By illustrating the consequences of his actions on both himself and those around him, the audience can better appreciate his journey from manipulation back to empathy.
cassandra
  • Cassandra is introduced as a vulnerable and intoxicated woman, struggling with objectification and the toxic behavior of those around her.
  • Throughout the screenplay, Cassandra evolves from a disoriented and confused character to one who confronts her past traumas and societal expectations. She begins to assert her independence and challenge the predatory behavior of others, showcasing her resilience and strength.
  • In a pivotal moment, Cassandra confronts a significant figure from her past, revealing her inner turmoil and the depth of her struggles. This confrontation serves as a catalyst for her transformation.
  • By the end of the screenplay, Cassandra emerges as a strong-willed and assertive individual, having navigated her emotional conflicts and found a sense of closure. She embraces her independence and seeks meaningful connections, showcasing her growth and resilience.
Cassandra's character arc is compelling, showcasing her journey from vulnerability to empowerment. However, the transitions between her various states can feel abrupt, and her motivations may not always be clear. While her wit and sarcasm add depth, they can sometimes overshadow her emotional struggles, making it difficult for the audience to fully connect with her vulnerabilities. To improve Cassandra's character arc, consider providing more gradual transitions between her emotional states, allowing the audience to witness her internal struggles more clearly. Incorporating flashbacks or moments of reflection could deepen her backstory and motivations, making her journey more relatable. Additionally, balancing her humor with more poignant moments of vulnerability can create a richer emotional experience for the audience, allowing them to connect with her on a deeper level.
stanley Throughout the screenplay, Stanley undergoes a significant character arc. Initially, he is portrayed as a passive observer, caught between his wife's worries and his daughter's desire for independence. As the story progresses, he becomes more aware of the emotional struggles within his family, leading him to confront his own fears and insecurities. By the climax, Stanley transforms from a somewhat oblivious father into a more engaged and proactive figure, taking steps to address the underlying issues affecting his family. In the resolution, he emerges as a reconciled and emotionally open father, fostering a deeper connection with Cassandra and promoting healing within the family. While Stanley's character arc is compelling, it risks becoming predictable due to his gradual transformation from passive to proactive. The initial portrayal of him as oblivious may undermine the emotional weight of his eventual growth. Additionally, the balance between humor and seriousness could be better calibrated to ensure that his character does not come off as merely comic relief, but rather as a fully realized individual with depth and complexity. To improve Stanley's character arc, consider introducing more pivotal moments that challenge his obliviousness earlier in the screenplay. This could involve direct confrontations with Cassandra or moments of realization that force him to reflect on his role as a father. Additionally, incorporating flashbacks or memories that highlight his past struggles or successes as a parent could add depth to his character. Finally, ensure that his humor serves to enhance his emotional journey rather than detract from it, allowing for moments of levity that still resonate with the overall themes of family and healing.
susan Susan's character arc follows her journey from a reserved and anxious mother to a more assertive and emotionally open individual. Initially, she struggles to communicate her concerns effectively, caught between conflicting loyalties. As the narrative unfolds, Susan confronts her own fears and insecurities, leading her to become more direct in her communication with Cassandra. This shift allows her to express her emotions more freely, ultimately fostering a deeper connection with her daughter. By the end of the feature, Susan emerges as a more empowered figure, having learned to balance her protective instincts with the need for open dialogue, paving the way for healing and reconciliation within the family. While Susan's character arc is compelling, it could benefit from more distinct moments of transformation that highlight her growth. The progression from anxiety to empowerment feels somewhat gradual and could be punctuated by key events that catalyze her change. Additionally, her relationship with Stanley could be explored further to add depth to her internal conflict, as his suspicions contribute to her anxiety. The emotional stakes could be raised by incorporating more direct confrontations or pivotal scenes that challenge her to step out of her comfort zone. To improve Susan's character arc, consider introducing a pivotal moment where she must choose between siding with Stanley or supporting Cassandra, forcing her to confront her fears and assert her own voice. This could be a climactic scene that serves as a turning point in her character development. Additionally, incorporating flashbacks or moments of reflection could provide insight into Susan's past experiences as a mother, enriching her motivations and making her struggles more relatable. Finally, allowing her to have a moment of vulnerability with Stanley could deepen their relationship and highlight the complexities of her role as a mother and partner.
gail Throughout the screenplay, Gail evolves from a frustrated boss to a more understanding mentor. Initially, she is exasperated by Cassandra's defiance and lack of ambition, but as the story progresses, she begins to recognize the deeper issues that Cassandra faces. This realization leads Gail to adopt a more supportive role, guiding Cassandra through her challenges while also confronting her own vulnerabilities revealed by the mysterious letter. By the end of the feature, Gail not only helps Cassandra find her path but also discovers her own strength and resilience, ultimately transforming her relationship with her employee into one of mutual respect and understanding. While Gail's character is well-defined and serves multiple purposes in the narrative, her arc could benefit from deeper exploration of her backstory and motivations. The transition from frustration to understanding feels somewhat abrupt and could be more gradual to enhance emotional resonance. Additionally, the mysterious letter introduces an intriguing plot point, but its impact on Gail's character development is not fully realized, leaving a gap in her arc. To improve Gail's character arc, consider incorporating flashbacks or dialogue that reveal her past experiences and the reasons behind her no-nonsense attitude. This would provide context for her frustrations with Cassandra and make her eventual transformation more believable. Additionally, the mysterious letter could serve as a catalyst for Gail's personal growth, prompting her to confront her own fears and insecurities. By intertwining her journey with Cassandra's, the screenplay can create a more cohesive narrative that highlights the importance of mentorship and personal growth.
ryan Ryan's character arc begins with him as a sweet, slightly awkward young man who is eager to connect with Cassandra. Initially, he is portrayed as a potential romantic interest, using humor and sincerity to win her over. As the story unfolds, Ryan's charm is tested by misunderstandings and emotional challenges, leading him to confront his past actions and their impact on his relationship with Cassandra. He experiences moments of shock and regret, ultimately revealing a more vulnerable side as he seeks forgiveness and understanding. By the end of the screenplay, Ryan evolves from a light-hearted suitor to a more complex character who grapples with moral dilemmas and the consequences of his choices, ultimately striving for redemption and a deeper connection with Cassandra. While Ryan's character arc presents a compelling journey from charm to complexity, it risks becoming overly reliant on the 'nice guy' trope, which may limit his depth. His initial portrayal as awkward and humorous is engaging, but as the story progresses, the shift to moral ambiguity and internal conflict could benefit from more nuanced development. The transition from light-heartedness to emotional weight may feel abrupt if not handled carefully, potentially alienating the audience from his character. Additionally, Ryan's motivations and internal struggles could be more clearly defined to enhance his relatability and depth. To improve Ryan's character arc, consider incorporating more moments of self-reflection that reveal his internal conflicts earlier in the screenplay. This could involve flashbacks or conversations that hint at his past actions and their consequences, allowing the audience to understand his motivations better. Additionally, introducing secondary characters who challenge Ryan's perspective could add depth to his moral dilemmas and create opportunities for growth. Balancing his charm with moments of vulnerability and self-doubt will make his journey more relatable. Finally, ensure that his resolution feels earned by allowing him to actively confront his past rather than simply reacting to it, leading to a more satisfying and transformative conclusion.
al monroe Al Monroe's character arc begins with him as a seemingly successful and confident individual, embodying the ideal life that Cassandra envies. However, as the story progresses, he is forced to confront the repercussions of his past actions, leading to a significant emotional decline. Initially dismissive and arrogant, Al's character experiences a transformation as he grapples with guilt and fear after a tragic event. His interactions with Cassandra reveal his vulnerability, and he becomes increasingly panicked as the situation escalates. By the end of the feature, Al is left in a state of despair, handcuffed and facing the consequences of his choices, marking a stark contrast to his earlier self-assured demeanor. This arc illustrates his journey from privilege to a sobering reality, emphasizing themes of accountability and the impact of one's actions. While Al Monroe's character arc effectively showcases his transformation from confidence to despair, it may benefit from deeper exploration of his motivations and backstory. The initial portrayal of Al as arrogant could be nuanced to provide a clearer understanding of why he behaves this way. Additionally, the emotional weight of his guilt and fear could be further developed to create a more compelling connection with the audience. As it stands, his character may come across as somewhat one-dimensional, primarily serving as a foil to Cassandra rather than as a fully realized individual with his own struggles and growth. To improve Al Monroe's character arc, consider incorporating flashbacks or dialogue that reveals his past experiences and the pressures he faced, which could explain his initial arrogance and subsequent vulnerability. Adding moments of introspection where Al reflects on his choices and their impact on others could deepen his emotional journey. Furthermore, introducing a subplot that highlights his relationships with other characters could provide additional layers to his character, showcasing how his actions affect those around him. This would not only enhance his complexity but also create a more engaging narrative that resonates with the audience.
madison Madison's character arc follows her transformation from a confident, superficial individual who uses humor to mask her insecurities, to a deeply vulnerable person who confronts her past and the consequences of her actions. Initially, she deflects serious topics with wit and charm, but as the narrative unfolds, she is forced to face her emotional turmoil and the impact of her decisions on herself and others. By the climax, Madison reveals her dark secret, leading to a moment of catharsis where she acknowledges her shame and regret. In the resolution, she begins to embrace her vulnerability, seeking redemption and a path toward healing, ultimately emerging as a more authentic version of herself. While Madison's character arc is compelling, it risks becoming predictable as it follows a common trajectory of self-discovery and redemption. The initial portrayal of her as confident and condescending may alienate some audience members, making it challenging for them to empathize with her later struggles. Additionally, the transition from her jovial facade to emotional vulnerability could benefit from more nuanced development to avoid feeling abrupt or forced. To improve Madison's character arc, consider incorporating more moments of genuine connection with other characters early in the screenplay, allowing the audience to see her complexity beyond her superficial charm. This could create a stronger foundation for her emotional struggles later on. Additionally, introducing a mentor or a pivotal relationship that challenges her worldview could provide depth to her journey. Gradually revealing her insecurities through small, relatable moments rather than relying solely on dramatic revelations could enhance audience empathy. Finally, ensure that her redemption feels earned by showcasing her efforts to make amends and grow, rather than simply resolving her issues in a single climactic moment.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
High Emotional Impact and Character ChangesScenes with high emotional impact (scores of 9 or 10) often coincide with significant character changes. For instance, scenes 6, 13, and 53, which have the highest emotional impact scores, also show notable character development, suggesting that the author effectively uses emotional stakes to drive character evolution.
Tone Consistency and Overall GradeScenes that maintain a consistent tone tend to receive higher overall grades. For example, scenes 1, 3, and 6 exhibit a strong tonal coherence and achieve overall grades of 9 or higher, indicating that the author’s ability to sustain a tone contributes positively to the screenplay's quality.
Conflict and Story ProgressionScenes that effectively move the story forward also tend to have higher conflict scores. For example, scenes 6, 13, and 36, which are pivotal in advancing the plot, also score high in conflict, suggesting that the author successfully intertwines conflict with narrative progression.
Dialogue Quality and Emotional ToneScenes with higher dialogue scores often correlate with emotional tones. For instance, scenes 3, 9, and 45, which have strong dialogue scores, also feature emotional tones that enhance the impact of the dialogue, indicating that the author’s writing style effectively leverages dialogue to evoke emotions.
Tense Scenes and High StakesScenes characterized by a tense tone frequently align with high stakes. For example, scenes 7, 29, and 54, which are marked by tension, also score high in high stakes, suggesting that the author effectively uses tension to elevate the stakes within the narrative.
Awkwardness and HumorScenes that are described as awkward often incorporate humor, as seen in scenes 17, 21, and 23. This suggests that the author has a knack for blending awkward situations with humor, which can create a unique and engaging viewing experience.
Emotional and Reflective ScenesScenes that are both emotional and reflective tend to score well overall. For instance, scenes 32, 38, and 44, which balance emotional depth with reflective moments, achieve higher overall grades, indicating that the author’s exploration of emotional themes resonates well with audiences.
Dark Themes and High Emotional ImpactScenes that explore darker themes often achieve high emotional impact scores. For example, scenes 12, 52, and 55, which delve into darker subject matter, also score high in emotional impact, suggesting that the author effectively engages the audience through challenging themes.


Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The screenplay demonstrates a consistent ability to create engaging scenes with realistic dialogue and relatable characters. The writer shows a strong grasp of character-driven storytelling and effectively conveys emotions and conflicts. However, there's room for improvement in crafting more complex plots, exploring deeper character motivations, and enhancing the overall narrative structure. The writer's strength lies in creating authentic and emotionally resonant moments, particularly in intimate or family settings. Several scenes indicate a talent for balancing humor and dramatic tension, though the consistency of this skill needs further development.

Key Improvement Areas

Character Development & Motivation
Many analyses mention the strength of character interactions and dialogue, but also highlight the need for deeper exploration of internal conflicts and motivations. Several improvement suggestions recommend reading materials that focus on character psychology and complex relationships.
Plot Complexity & Narrative Structure
While the scenes are engaging, several analyses suggest reading screenplays and books that focus on plot twists, unpredictable scenes, and more complex narrative structures. This indicates a need to develop more intricate plots that drive the narrative forward in a more unpredictable way.
Dialogue Enhancement
While dialogue is generally praised for authenticity, there's a recurring suggestion to practice writing dialogue that reveals deeper layers of meaning, subtext, and conflicting motivations. This points to the need to refine dialogue techniques for greater impact and emotional depth.

Suggestions

Type Suggestion Rationale
Book 'The Anatomy of Story' by John Truby This book is repeatedly recommended and addresses key improvement areas such as character development, conflict, and narrative structure. It provides a comprehensive framework for crafting compelling narratives.
Book 'Save the Cat!' by Blake Snyder Frequently suggested, this book offers practical advice on plot structure, character arcs, and creating engaging storylines, which directly addresses the need for improved narrative structure and plot complexity.
Screenplay Screenplays by Aaron Sorkin (e.g., 'The Social Network'), Charlie Kaufman (e.g., 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'), and David Mamet (e.g., 'Glengarry Glen Ross') These writers represent diverse styles, from sharp, fast-paced dialogue (Sorkin) to emotionally complex narratives (Kaufman) and intense, morally ambiguous characters (Mamet). Studying their work will expose the writer to different techniques for dialogue, character development, and creating compelling scenes.
Book 'Gone Girl' by Gillian Flynn This novel, frequently recommended, excels in exploring dark themes, complex characters, and psychological tension—elements many analyses suggest the writer can further develop.
Video Interviews with screenwriters who excel in blending humor and social commentary (e.g., Nora Ephron, Quentin Tarantino) This will provide valuable insights into the writing process and techniques used to create successful screenplays that combine humor, drama, and social commentary.
Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation
Promising Young Woman Both stories center around a female protagonist who grapples with trauma related to sexual assault and seeks to confront the men who perpetuate such behavior. The tone is darkly comedic yet serious, exploring themes of consent, accountability, and the societal treatment of women.
The Nightingale This story features a female lead who seeks revenge against those who have wronged her and her family. It shares themes of trauma, survival, and the lengths one will go to for justice, paralleling Cassandra's journey of confronting her past and the men involved.
Girls The TV show follows a group of young women navigating their twenties, dealing with relationships, personal struggles, and societal expectations. The tone and character dynamics reflect similar themes of self-discovery and the complexities of modern womanhood as seen in Cassandra's life.
Fleabag Both narratives feature flawed female protagonists who use dark humor to cope with their emotional turmoil. The exploration of relationships, family dynamics, and the impact of past traumas resonates strongly with Cassandra's experiences.
The Virgin Suicides This film delves into the lives of young women facing societal pressures and personal struggles, leading to tragic outcomes. The themes of isolation, family dynamics, and the impact of societal expectations parallel Cassandra's journey and her interactions with her family.
Revenge This film follows a woman seeking vengeance after being wronged by a group of men. The themes of empowerment, revenge, and the consequences of male predation are central to both stories, highlighting the protagonist's transformation and moral complexities.
Sharp Objects This story features a female protagonist returning to her hometown to confront her past and the trauma associated with it. The exploration of family dynamics, mental health, and the impact of unresolved issues resonates with Cassandra's narrative.
The Handmaid's Tale Both stories explore themes of female agency, trauma, and societal oppression. The protagonist's struggle against a patriarchal society and her quest for autonomy reflect Cassandra's journey of confronting her past and reclaiming her narrative.
Little Fires Everywhere This story examines the complexities of motherhood, societal expectations, and personal choices. The character-driven narrative and exploration of family dynamics parallel Cassandra's relationships with her parents and her own choices.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation
The Walk of ShameCassandra is seen walking down the street in last night's clothes, holding high heels, with what appears to be blood on her elbow, embodying the classic 'walk of shame' trope.This trope often depicts a character returning home after a night of questionable decisions, typically involving a one-night stand. An example can be found in the movie 'Bridesmaids' where the character Annie experiences a similar situation.
The Nice GuyJez initially appears to be a caring figure, but his actions reveal a predatory nature as he pursues Cassandra despite her inebriation.This trope involves a male character who presents himself as kind and respectful but ultimately has ulterior motives. A well-known example is the character of David in '500 Days of Summer'.
The Vulnerable WomanCassandra is portrayed as vulnerable and disoriented, especially when Jez approaches her while she is intoxicated.This trope often depicts women in a state of weakness, making them targets for male characters. An example can be seen in 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo' where Lisbeth is often put in vulnerable situations.
The Misunderstood Bad BoyRyan initially appears to be a good guy but has moments of insensitivity and misunderstanding towards Cassandra.This trope involves a character who is perceived as bad or troubled but has a deeper, more sensitive side. An example is the character of Noah in 'The Notebook'.
The Unreliable NarratorCassandra's perspective is often skewed by her emotional state, leading to misunderstandings and misinterpretations of events.This trope involves a narrator whose credibility is compromised, leading the audience to question the truth of the story. An example is 'Fight Club', where the protagonist's perception of reality is distorted.
The Love TriangleCassandra finds herself torn between her feelings for Ryan and her complicated past with Al.This trope involves three characters in a romantic entanglement, often leading to conflict and drama. A classic example is 'Twilight' with Bella, Edward, and Jacob.
The Party Gone WrongCassandra's night out leads to a series of unfortunate events, culminating in a dangerous confrontation.This trope involves a social gathering that spirals out of control, often resulting in chaos or conflict. An example is 'Project X', where a party leads to disastrous consequences.
The Strong Female CharacterCassandra ultimately confronts her past and seeks justice for her friend, showcasing her strength.This trope involves a female character who is portrayed as strong and capable, often breaking traditional gender roles. An example is Furiosa from 'Mad Max: Fury Road'.
The Redemption ArcCassandra seeks to confront her past and find closure, indicating a journey towards redemption.This trope involves a character who seeks to atone for their past mistakes and grow as a person. An example is Tony Stark in 'Iron Man', who evolves from a self-centered playboy to a hero.


Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
Justice and RevengeCassandra's actions throughout the film are driven by a desire for justice, not only for herself but also for other victims of sexual assault. Her methods are often extreme and unlawful, highlighting the frustration and desperation felt when official channels fail.This theme explores the complexities of seeking retribution, questioning whether justice can be achieved outside the confines of the legal system and the ethical implications of vigilante actions. It examines the cycle of violence and the potential for revenge to become its own form of trauma.
Strengthening Justice and Revenge:
Suggestion Type How to Strengthen the Theme
Character Arc Develop Cassandra's internal conflict regarding justice and revenge more explicitly. Show her grappling with the ethical implications of her actions. Internal monologues or flashbacks could reveal her struggle between seeking true justice and succumbing to the allure of vengeful actions. This internal conflict should be present throughout, not just in the final act.
Story Arc Introduce a clear parallel between Cassandra's pursuit of revenge and the initial injustice she suffered. This could be done through a flashback showing the full extent of her violation at Jez's apartment or by highlighting how other women in her life have been victims of similar predatory behavior. This strengthens the thematic link between personal trauma and the broader societal issue of injustice.
Visual Use recurring visual motifs to symbolize justice and revenge. For example, the tally marks in Cassandra's book could visually represent her escalating desire for revenge. Contrasting visuals could show her attempts at moving on and finding happiness versus the vengeful path she chooses. A recurring image of scales (justice) could be incorporated subtly throughout the film.
Dialogue Enhance the dialogue to explicitly address the themes of justice and revenge. Have Cassandra or other characters articulate the moral dilemmas involved in seeking revenge. For instance, a conversation with Gail or Ryan could explore the complexities of righting wrongs versus the destructive nature of revenge. Adding such dialogue in key moments will give the audience a more explicit understanding of Cassandra's motivations and the weight of her actions.
Action Make Cassandra's acts of revenge have more significant consequences. The current acts feel somewhat arbitrary. Her actions should have a ripple effect, impacting not only her targets but also her relationships with Ryan and her family. For example, the consequences of her actions against Al Monroe should be more directly tied to her past trauma and her overall goal of justice, creating a more impactful and emotionally resonant climax.
Trauma and HealingCassandra's past experiences with sexual assault and her subsequent struggles with emotional and psychological healing are central to the story. The film explores the lasting effects of trauma, the complexities of recovery, and the different ways people cope with their pain.The theme investigates the ripple effect of trauma, demonstrating how past experiences can influence present relationships and decisions. It explores the challenges of seeking help and the importance of processing trauma.
Identity and Self-DiscoveryCassandra grapples with questions of identity throughout the film, struggling to reconcile her past traumas with her present self. Her relationships with men, her career choices, and her interactions with her family all contribute to her evolving sense of self.The theme examines the process of self-discovery, particularly in the context of overcoming trauma. Cassandra's journey reveals how the past can shape our present but doesn't have to define our future.
Societal Pressures and ExpectationsCassandra confronts societal pressures related to beauty standards, career expectations, and gender roles. The film highlights how these pressures can impact women's experiences and contribute to their feelings of inadequacy and frustration.This theme examines the ways societal expectations can exacerbate the challenges faced by trauma survivors and the difficulties of navigating a world that often overlooks or minimizes their experiences.



Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's voice is characterized by a blend of gritty realism and dark humor, interwoven with sharp, witty dialogue that often reveals more through subtext and subtle gestures than explicit exposition. The narrative is driven by realistic character interactions and explores complex themes of consent, toxic masculinity, and the lasting impact of trauma. The direction emphasizes naturalistic dialogue and subtle character actions, creating a compelling sense of authenticity and emotional depth.
Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a nuanced and engaging portrayal of flawed characters grappling with difficult situations. The dark humor undercuts the seriousness of the themes, preventing the script from becoming overly bleak, while the realistic dialogue and character interactions make the characters relatable and their struggles deeply affecting. The exploration of subtext and unspoken tensions adds layers of complexity and depth, inviting audience interpretation and engagement.
Best Representation Scene 6 - Awakening Confrontation
Best Scene Explanation This scene is the best representation because it most effectively showcases the writer's signature blend of gritty realism, dark humor, and sharp dialogue. The sudden shift from an intimate and potentially exploitative situation to a tense confrontation is both shocking and compelling. The minimalistic direction allows the dialogue and character actions to speak volumes, creating a powerful and unforgettable moment. The ambiguity of the ending leaves the audience in suspense, encouraging reflection on the themes of consent and power dynamics, while the unexpected turn of events incorporates darkly comedic elements that perfectly capture the writer's unique style. The scene effectively conveys complex themes with subtlety and impact.
Originality
  • Overall originality score: 7.5
  • Overall originality explanation: The screenplay presents a mix of familiar themes and unique situations, particularly in its exploration of consent, power dynamics, and the consequences of past actions. While some scenes depict common scenarios, such as romantic encounters and family dynamics, they are infused with fresh perspectives and emotional depth that elevate their originality. The incorporation of dark humor and social commentary on contemporary issues adds to the screenplay's uniqueness.
  • Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are Cassandra's transformation into a nurse to confront Al Monroe, the intense confrontation that leads to her death, and the subsequent emotional fallout experienced by the characters involved. Additionally, the exploration of the impact of social media and the consequences of past actions through the lens of a missing person's investigation adds a layer of originality.
  • Overall unpredictability score: 8
  • Overall unpredictability explanation: The screenplay maintains a high level of unpredictability, particularly in its character arcs and the unfolding of dramatic events. The twists surrounding Cassandra's identity, the violent confrontation with Al, and the subsequent fallout create a narrative that keeps the audience guessing. The interplay between humor and dark themes further enhances the unpredictability, as characters navigate complex emotional landscapes that lead to unexpected outcomes.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsThroughout the script, the protagonist, Cassandra, evolves from seeking acceptance and validation to asserting her independence and confronting her past traumas. Initially, she desires connection and care while navigating toxic environments, but ultimately strives for agency and closure regarding her friend’s trauma.
External Goals Cassandra's external goals transition from managing her social relationships and navigating uncomfortable situations to actively seeking justice for her friend Nina by confronting those responsible for her situation. She starts with mundane concerns like finding her phone and evolves to orchestrating a confrontation.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around the treatment of women and the balance between empathy and objectification, highlighting the contrasts between respect and disregard for agency. This conflict is present throughout Cassandra's interactions with men and her struggle for self-assertion.


Character Development Contribution: The goals and conflicts contribute to Cassandra's development from a passive character seeking validation to an assertive person who takes control of her narrative, showcasing her journey towards empowerment and self-acceptance.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The evolution of internal and external goals propels the narrative structure by driving Cassandra's actions and decisions, shaping the plot through her confrontations and interactions with pivotal characters.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The exploration of these goals and conflicts adds thematic depth to the screenplay by addressing issues of gender dynamics, personal accountability, and the complexities of trauma, ultimately leading to a commentary on societal norms and the journey towards healing.


Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: The screenplay depicts a diverse range of physical environments, from gritty urban sidewalks and messy apartments to upscale hotel restaurants and a cozy suburban home. There's a contrast between the mundane (coffee shops, bars, residential areas) and the more unusual (a secluded cabin in the woods, a hospital waiting room with a red balloon). The settings are often used to highlight the emotional state of the characters, with bleakness reflecting internal turmoil and lavishness contrasting with underlying anxieties.
  • Culture: The cultural elements are primarily contemporary and urban, referencing social media trends, dating app culture, the entertainment industry, hipster aesthetics, and the pressures of modern life. There's also a subtext of toxic masculinity, particularly evident in the bachelor party scene and some interactions between male characters. The celebration of birthdays and weddings provides a backdrop against which darker themes are played out. The cultural attitudes towards consent and sexual assault are central to the narrative.
  • Society: The societal structure is complex, revealing class disparities (upscale restaurants versus dingy bars), power imbalances (boss-employee relationships, university authority figures), and the pressures of conforming to social expectations (social media influence, career choices). The screenplay subtly critiques societal norms surrounding victim-blaming, sexual assault, and the handling of such accusations within institutions like universities.
  • Technology: Technology is integrated into the narrative subtly but effectively. Smartphones, ride-sharing apps, social media, and online videos play key roles in the plot, revealing information, driving conflict, and reflecting the characters' interconnectedness in the digital age. The presence of technology is often used to show a contrast between the digital world and the characters' real lives.
  • Characters influence: The physical environment often reflects the characters' emotional states; for instance, Cassandra's messy apartment mirrors her internal chaos. Cultural pressures shape their behavior, influencing their dating choices, career aspirations, and responses to social situations. Societal structures create limitations and opportunities; the power dynamics in the workplace influence Cassandra's job choices, while social media impacts her self-perception. Technology acts as a tool for communication, surveillance, and manipulation; it facilitates both connection and isolation for different characters.
  • Narrative contribution: The world-building elements propel the narrative forward. The settings establish the context for interactions and plot points, while the cultural and societal elements introduce conflicts and obstacles that the characters must overcome. The use of technology creates opportunities for dramatic revelations and plot twists. The contrasting environments heighten the tension and add layers of suspense to the story.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The varied settings, cultural references, and societal structures contribute significantly to the thematic depth. The film explores themes of consent, power dynamics, societal expectations, the impact of social media, the complexities of interpersonal relationships, and the consequences of past actions. By juxtaposing different environments and cultural contexts, the screenplay creates a rich and nuanced exploration of these themes, showcasing the consequences of choices and the enduring effects of trauma.
Story Engine Analysis

central conflict

Cassandra's struggle against a patriarchal society that dismisses women's experiences and the trauma of her past, culminating in her quest for justice against those who wronged her.

primary motivations

  • Cassandra's desire for revenge against Al Monroe for his past actions towards her friend Nina.
  • The need for Cassandra to confront her own trauma and reclaim her agency.
  • Ryan's conflicting feelings for Cassandra as he navigates his own moral dilemmas.

catalysts

  • Cassandra's discovery of the video implicating Ryan and Al in Nina's assault.
  • The emotional confrontation with her past and the realization of the systemic issues surrounding consent.
  • Cassandra's decision to infiltrate Al's bachelor party as a means of confronting him.

barriers

  • Cassandra's internal struggles with her own trauma and the fear of not being believed.
  • The societal norms that protect male perpetrators and dismiss female victims.
  • Ryan's initial inability to understand Cassandra's motivations and his own complicity in the system.

themes

  • The complexities of consent and the consequences of inaction.
  • The impact of trauma on personal identity and relationships.
  • The critique of societal norms surrounding masculinity and femininity.

stakes

Cassandra's quest for justice not only risks her own life but also exposes the dark truths of her community, potentially leading to a broader reckoning with issues of consent and accountability.

uniqueness factor

The story uniquely blends dark comedy with a thriller narrative, exploring serious themes of trauma and justice through a female lens, subverting traditional genre expectations.

audience hook

The tension between Cassandra's quest for revenge and her emotional journey keeps viewers engaged, as they root for her to confront her past while fearing for her safety.

paradoxical engine or bisociation

The juxtaposition of Cassandra's outwardly carefree persona against her inner turmoil creates a paradox that drives the narrative, highlighting the dissonance between societal expectations and personal reality.

paradoxical engine or bisociation 2

The contrast between the comedic elements of Cassandra's interactions and the dark themes of her quest for justice serves as a bisociation, engaging the audience in a complex emotional experience.


Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

Promising Young Woman is a highly compelling and original screenplay with a strong female protagonist and a unique narrative structure. Its strengths lie in its sharp social commentary, unpredictable plot twists, and nuanced character development. While minor pacing issues and a potential lack of emotional depth in certain scenes exist, these are significantly outweighed by the script's overall impact and originality. The ending, while controversial, is deliberate and serves the overarching themes effectively. This script has significant commercial potential and is ready for immediate production.

Strengths
  • The screenplay's masterful use of tone, shifting seamlessly between darkly comedic observations of everyday misogyny and intense moments of suspense and drama. This keeps the audience engaged while subtly building tension and conveying the film's central themes. high ( Scene 1   Scene 9   Scene 26   Scene 53   )
  • The screenplay cleverly uses unexpected plot twists and reveals to subvert audience expectations and deliver a morally ambiguous but satisfying conclusion. The use of suspense and foreshadowing builds anticipation without resorting to cheap thrills. high ( Scene 29   Scene 50   Scene 58   )
  • The protagonist, Cassie, undergoes a believable and nuanced character arc. Her motivations are clear, her actions are driven by her trauma, and her eventual growth (though bittersweet) feels earned. high ( Scene 7   Scene 14   Scene 32   Scene 43   Scene 45   )
  • The dialogue is sharp, witty, and often darkly humorous, adding layers of complexity to the characters and their interactions. It reflects the nuanced social commentary of the film while propelling the plot forward. medium ( Scene 19   Scene 25   Scene 36   )
  • The ending is shocking, unexpected, and deeply satisfying. It leaves a lasting impression and successfully ties together the themes of the film while offering a powerful message about justice and accountability. high ( Scene 58   Scene 59   Scene 60   )
Areas of Improvement
  • In some scenes involving Cassie's interactions with men, the pacing could be slightly tightened. The confrontations, while effective, could benefit from more concise dialogue and quicker shifts in tension. medium ( Scene 11   Scene 12   Scene 13   )
  • While the emotional core of the film is strong, some scenes could benefit from deeper exploration of Cassie's emotional state and her relationships with supporting characters like Nina's mother. This would add another layer of emotional impact. low ( Scene 38   Scene 46   )
  • The shift in Cassie's demeanor from calculating avenger to vulnerable, loving person could use a bit more gradual transition, making the change feel more organically developed. low ( Scene 44   )
MissingElements
  • The screenplay could benefit from adding a brief flashback or dream sequence to show Cassie's actual experience with Nina's assault. This would further contextualize her actions and create a stronger emotional connection for the audience. However, the current ambiguity is also effective in forcing the viewer to consider the unspoken trauma. low
NotablePoints
  • The screenplay's use of music is outstanding. The carefully selected tracks enhance the tone and create a unique atmosphere, contributing significantly to the film's overall impact. high ( Scene 1   Scene 29   Scene 53   )
  • The use of visual storytelling through camera angles and framing is very effective. It underscores the themes of the film without being heavy-handed. medium ( Scene 19   Scene 43   Scene 47   )
  • The use of scheduled texts adds an unexpected layer of complexity and suspense to the plot, enhancing the impact of the ending. medium ( Scene 60   )
Blind Spots
  • Underestimation of the long-term psychological impact of trauma While the script effectively portrays Cassie's anger and desire for revenge, it could benefit from a more in-depth exploration of the complex psychological effects of her trauma, beyond anger and the immediate desire for retribution. For example, there is limited exploration of PTSD, depression or other common symptoms associated with such experiences. The reliance on revenge as the primary coping mechanism overshadows other potential aspects of long-term trauma. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Inconsistent Characterization In a few instances, Cassie's characterization seems inconsistent. There are moments where her ruthless determination gives way to more vulnerable emotions, which, while intended to show depth, may appear jarring to the audience without sufficient transition and explanation. low

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for "Promising Young Woman" is a stylish, subversive thriller that subverts audience expectations and challenges the status quo. It follows the journey of Cassandra, a brilliant medical school dropout who is haunted by a traumatic event from her past. Seeking revenge, she enacts an elaborate plan to confront the men who wronged her friend Nina, exposing the toxic attitudes and enablement that allowed them to escape consequences. The screenplay's deft exploration of themes like gender dynamics, rape culture, and the corrosive impact of trauma makes it a compelling, thought-provoking narrative.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
MissingElements
  • The screenplay could benefit from a more explicit exploration of the emotional and psychological impact of the video footage on Cassandra. While the revelation is impactful, the script could delve deeper into how this new information affects Cassandra and her decision-making going forward. medium ( Scene 48 (INT. CASSANDRA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - LATER)   )
  • The screenplay could benefit from more insight into the aftermath of Cassandra's confrontation with Al Monroe, particularly the events leading up to and following her death. While the script effectively depicts the immediate aftermath, a deeper exploration of the emotional and psychological ramifications could elevate the storytelling. medium ( Scene 54 (INT. CABIN - BEDROOM - MORNING)   Scene 55 (EXT. WOODS - DAY)   )
  • The script could delve deeper into the broader implications of the misogynistic attitudes and behaviors exhibited by the male characters in the opening sequences. While these scenes effectively establish the film's themes, a more explicit exploration of how these attitudes permeate society could strengthen the narrative's impact. medium ( Scene 1 (INT. SWEET SIXTEEN'S UPSTAIRS BAR - NIGHT)   Scene 6 (INT. JEZ'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER)   )
NotablePoints
Blind Spots
  • Representation of diverse perspectives The screenplay could benefit from a more diverse representation of characters and perspectives. While the central narrative focuses on Cassandra's experience, the supporting characters are predominantly white and male. Incorporating a broader range of identities and lived experiences could further enrich the storytelling and provide a more nuanced exploration of the film's themes. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Pacing and structure While the screenplay's non-linear structure is an effective storytelling device, there are moments where the pacing feels uneven, with some scenes dragging or feeling slightly repetitive. Tightening the pacing and maintaining a more consistent narrative momentum could help elevate the overall polish and professionalism of the script. medium
  • Character development The screenplay could benefit from more consistent character development, particularly in the supporting roles. While the central characters of Cassandra, Ryan, and Al Monroe are well-drawn, some of the secondary characters feel a bit one-dimensional or underdeveloped. Providing more depth and nuance to these supporting players could strengthen the overall storytelling. medium

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Highly Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Promising Young Woman' is a bold and provocative exploration of trauma, revenge, and societal complicity in sexual violence. It effectively combines dark humor with a gripping narrative that keeps the audience engaged while addressing serious themes. The character of Cassandra is well-developed, showcasing a complex emotional journey that resonates deeply. The screenplay's unique structure and pacing create a compelling viewing experience, making it a standout piece in contemporary cinema.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
MissingElements
NotablePoints
Blind Spots
  • Character Depth The screenplay occasionally lacks depth in its supporting characters, making them feel one-dimensional. For example, male characters often fall into stereotypical roles without sufficient backstory or motivation. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Pacing Issues Some scenes feel rushed or overly drawn out, particularly in transitions between emotional beats. This can disrupt the overall flow of the narrative. medium
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
25MADISON: Oh my gooooooood! You look amazing! I almost didn’t recognize you!
47MADISON: Never fucking contact me again.
50CASSANDRA: I cannot begin to tell you how much I’ve thought about it.
20GAIL: He farted on the first date?
6CASSANDRA: What are you doing?