Silence of the lambs

Executive Summary

Overview

Genres: Action, Thriller, Crime, Drama, Psychological Thriller, Mystery, Horror

Setting: Not provided, Not provided

Themes: Determination and Resilience, Personal Trauma and Healing, The Power of Manipulation, Gender Identity and Dysphoria, Moral Ambiguity and Ethical Dilemmas

Conflict and Stakes: Not provided

Comparable Scripts:

  • The Silence of the Lambs
  • Se7en
  • Zodiac
  • Mindhunter
  • The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
  • Seven Seconds
  • The Bone Collector
  • True Detective
  • Mystic River
  • Gone Girl
Pass/Consider/Recommend


Explanation:


USP:
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:Not provided

Target Audience Demographics: Not provided

Marketability: Not provided

Not provided

Not provided

Profit Potential: Not provided

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice in the screenplay is concise, descriptive, and focused on action and dialogue. The dialogue is straightforward, realistic, and impactful. The narrative description is vivid and evocative, creating a sense of tension and atmosphere. The scene direction is clear and focused, enhancing the overall mood and themes of the screenplay.

Best representation: Scene 38 - The Confrontation. Scene 38 is the best representation of the author's voice. The concise and action-driven style is evident in the dialogue and scene direction. The description effectively establishes the stakes for the characters and contributes to the overall suspense and tension of the scene.

Memorable Lines:

Story Shape
Summary In this movie, FBI agent Clarice Starling engages in a shootout, successfully disarming a suspect. She is then assigned to interview serial killer Dr. Hannibal Lecter and is warned of the dangers. Clarice interviews Dr. Lecter at the asylum and later investigates a storage unit, discovering a severed head. She negotiates with Dr. Lecter and offers him a deal to find another killer. Clarice opens up to her superior about her frustrations and plans to return to school. Clarice and her team transfer Dr. Lecter to a new location and he agrees to help. However, Clarice's attempts to escape fail and she is reprimanded. She confronts Dr. Lecter, shares a childhood flashback, and seeks his help again. Clarice recalls a traumatic childhood experience before being removed from the case. In another scene, Clarice confronts Dr. Lecter in his cell, hoping he will help catch Buffalo Bill, but he uses her past to taunt her. Dr. Lecter escapes from his cell, and Clarice discovers a crucial link in the Buffalo Bill case. She is suspended but remains determined to save the next victim and receives support from Crawford. Clarice confronts the killer at his house, but he escapes into the basement where a captive is held. This leads to a shocking discovery and a struggle in darkness.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The overall story of the screenplay is captivating and intense, with strong tension and suspense throughout. The character development of Clarice Starling is well-executed, showcasing her determination and resourcefulness. The interaction between Clarice and Dr. Lecter is particularly engaging, with moments of psychological manipulation and intrigue. The pacing of the story is well-maintained, keeping the audience hooked. However, the screenplay could benefit from a more distinctive and memorable antagonist in Buffalo Bill. Additionally, some scenes could be further developed to enhance emotional impact and character depth. Overall, the screenplay has a solid foundation with room for improvement.
Suggestions:
  • Consider developing the character of Buffalo Bill to make them more memorable and impactful.
  • Explore opportunities to deepen emotional impact and character depth in key scenes.
  • Ensure a consistent tone and pacing throughout the screenplay for a cohesive viewing experience.
  • Consider incorporating more unexpected twists or surprises into the plot to keep the audience engaged.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - Hotel Shootout "Tense" 9 8 96 8 688908907 78899
2 - Clarice's Assignment "tense" 8 7 84 7 588809906 699108
3 - Interview at the Asylum "Tense" 8 7 88 9 589809806 798109
4 - Clarice Interviews Dr. Hannibal Lecter "Tense" 8 7 98 8 689907808 99798
5 - Confrontation and Reflection "Tense, emotional" 8 7 86 9 798907808 779108
6 - Investigating Leads "Tense" 9 8 90 9 600708907 80000
7 - Investigating the Storage Unit "Tense" 9 8 96 7 589807906 89887
8 - Gruesome Discovery "Dark, Suspenseful" 9 7 96 8 8989010908 68998
9 - Negotiations and Revelations "Tense" 9 8 99 10 9889010908 898109
10 - Abduction "" 7 7 87 7 688909807 699108
11 - Preparation and Revelation "Dark, Suspenseful" 9 8 97 8 689609908 79898
12 - Revealing Secrets "Intense" 8 7 96 8 698809708 999810
13 - Arrival at the Funeral Home "Tense" 7.5 7 84 7 587606706 78898
14 - Investigating the New Victim "Suspenseful" 8 8 95 7 588708906 68899
15 - Investigating the Funeral Home "Intense" 9 8 96 7 6989010909 698109
16 - Investigating the Victim "Tense" 9 8 90 8 60090101008 70000
17 - Investigating the Victim "Suspenseful" 9 8 98 7 6998010907 6891010
18 - Investigating the Victim "Suspenseful" 8 7 96 8 688808907 898109
19 - Negotiating with Lecter "Tense" 9 8 98 10 998809909 109998
20 - Investigating the Victim "Tense" 9 8 99 8 61088081007 910101010
21 - Negotiations and Betrayal "Intense" 9 8 910 10 898909908 910798
22 - Negotiations and Ultimatums "Intense" 9 8 96 10 7999010908 99888
23 - Clarice's Anger "Tense" 9 8 90 8 600707908 80000
24 - Transfer to Memphis "" 8 8 76 5 389507706 67898
25 - Desperation in the Basement "Suspenseful" 8 7 90 8 500909807 60000
26 - Confrontation and Consequences "tense" 8 7 80 8 700908807 70000
27 - Confrontation "Tense" 9 8 90 9 7009010908 90000
28 - The Little Girl "Tense, Psychological" 9 9 80 10 800707709 90000
29 - Desperate Escape "Intense" 8 7 87 9 858908908 77798
30 - Confrontation in the Cell "Tense" 8 8 96 8 8899010909 710998
31 - Escape and Confrontation "Suspenseful" 8 7 96 8 7899010908 69998
32 - Confrontation and Escape "Intense" 9 8 97 8 69890101008 798109
33 - Escape and Revelation "Tense" 8 7 95 8 789909908 7910910
34 - Clarice's Revelation "Intense" 9 8 98 8 789809909 8991010
35 - Suspension and Departure "Tense" 9 8 98 9 9899010909 89988
36 - Confrontation and Revelation "Tense" 9 8 90 9 80010010909 80000
37 - Clarice Discovers the Killer's Secret "Suspenseful" 9 8 97 7 7999010907 61091010
38 - On the Hunt "Suspenseful" 8 9 88 7 6979010807 7891010
39 - The Confrontation "Suspenseful" 10 8 90 8 5009010906 70000
40 - Confrontation at Mr. Gumb's House "Suspenseful" 9 8 90 7 600909908 70000
41 - Showdown with Mr. Gumb "Suspenseful" 9 9 100 8 700100101009 70000
42 - Confrontation in the Cellar "Suspenseful" 9 8 100 9 7009010908 70000
43 - Confrontation and Rescue "Tense, suspenseful" 9 9 99 8 79109010908 710899
44 - Final Confrontation "Tense" 10 9 107 9 889100109010 898109


Scene 1 - Hotel Shootout
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS

by

Ted Tally


Based on the novel by

Thomas Harris




This screenplay has been converted to a PDF file by ScreenTalk™
http://www.screentalk.org
FADE IN:

INT. GRUBBY HOTEL CORRIDOR - DAY (DIMLY LIT)

A woman's face BACKS INTO SHOT, her head resting against
grimy wallpaper. She is tense, sweaty, wide-eyed with
concentration. This is CLARICE STARLING, mid-20's, trim,
very pretty. She wears Kevlar body armor over a navy
windbreaker, khaki pants. Her thick hair is piled under a
navy baseball cap. A revolver, clutched in her right hand,
hovers by her ear. She raises a speedloader, in her left
hand, locks it into her cylinder, twists and reloads.

CLOSE ON

A guest room door, with a small, wired pack attached to
its knob. Suddenly, wish a sharp CRACK!, the knob
explodes, and the door bursts open.

WITH CLARICE - MOVING SHOT

as she runs around a corner, through a cloud of smoke. She
shoulders aside the shattered door and rushes inside, gun
at the ready in both hands...

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

CLARICE'S POV - MOVING - as she first sees, sitting on the
edge of a bed - a FEMALE HOSTAGE. Black, late 20's,
gagged, hands behind her back. Then, SWIVELLING... she
sees a startled MALE SUSPECT, white, mid-20's, standing by
a window with a rifle in his hands. He is turning towards
her...

Clarice drops into a combat crouch, gun extended, and
shouts.

CLARICE
Freeze! FBI!

CLARICE'S POV - SLOW MOTION

all natural SOUND suspended - as the Suspect faces her
with a strange, pleading expression. The rifle is rising
in his hands, but oddly enough, it is held across his
chest, not pointing. Then another puzzling detail
registers...

THE SUSPECT'S HANDS

are taped to his gun, away from the trigger; he couldn't
use it even if he tried. Suddenly we hear a metallic
CLICK, which registers with unnatural amplification, as -
2.


Clarice reacts, drops to the floor, rolling sideways, and -

THE "HOSTAGE"

pulls a revolver out from behind her back, still in SLOW
MOTION, raising it in her untied hands. She fires
repeatedly, flames leaping from the muzzle; the SOUND is
an echoing roar in these close quarters, but -

Clarice has come up on one knee, beside an armchair, and
is already firing back herself, two quick SHOTS, which
send -

THE "HOSTAGE"

pitching over the bed, backwards, to shudder and lie still
in a haze of gunsmoke. Clarice rushes to her, clamping one
knee down on her gun hand, still keeping her covered in
case of movement. HOLD for a few beats... then we hear the
shrill blast of a WHISTLE from somewhere, off screen, as
normal ACTION and SOUND are restored.

BRIGHAM (O.S.)
Okay, people, good exercise...

Clarice relaxes, lowering her gun. The lights brighten.

PULLING BACK

we see that we're in some sort of auditorium, with the
"hotel room" and its "corridor" built as a training set.
JOHN BRIGHAM walks onto this set, thumbing a stopwatch.
Mid-40's, ex-Marine. His T-shirt's lettering says
"Firearms Instructor / FBI Academy."

BRIGHAM
Starling's reaction time was
excellent. Let's break. Critique in
five.

A class of about forty young FBI trainees, of both sexes,
begins to rise from their seats, mingling and chatting.

Clarice nods amiably to the "Suspect", then gives her
"Hostage" a hand up. It's ARDELIA MAPP, her roommate. Her
broad, clever face breaks into a big smile, as they both
remove ear plugs. Clarice's voice has just a soft trace of
southern accent.

ARDELIA
Damn, Clarice, how'd you make me?
3.


CLARICE
(indicating her gun)
Never cock. Just squeeze.

ARDELIA
(grins)
I love it when you talk dirty.

As Brigham joins them, Clarice can't resist a star pupil's
little smile of pride. He frowns good-naturedly.

BRIGHAM
What're you laughin' at, Junior G-Man?
She got off four rounds to your two.

He takes out a steel-coiled grip flexer, drops it onto her
palm.

BRIGHAM
(continuing)
One hundred reps, each hand, every
day. Now tidy up, the Section Chief
wants to see you.

He nods a direction, then moves off. Clarice, with her
smile finally fading, looks out into the auditorium.

SPECIAL AGENT JACK CRAWFORD

sits on the top step of the aisle, looking down at her. He
is 53, strongly built. He rises impassively, exits through
the back door. He carries a think manila envelope under
one arm.

Ardelia who is helping Clarice unbuckle her bullet-proof
vest, follows her worried gaze.

CLARICE
What'd I do?

ARDELIA
Stay cool. Just remember to call him
"God."

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Clarice Starling engages in a tense shootout in a hotel room with a male suspect and a female hostage. She successfully disarms the suspect and neutralizes the threat.
Strengths "Tense action, strong female protagonist, clear stakes"
Weaknesses "Lack of dialogue, limited character development"
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The descriptions effectively set the tone and atmosphere of the scene. The action is clear and easy to visualize. The dialogue is natural and reveals character traits.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved:

1. The opening description of Clarice could be more specific and vivid. Instead of simply stating that she is "very pretty," it would be more impactful to describe her features or give more details about her appearance.

2. The moment when Clarice sees the suspect and the hostage could be heightened for suspense. The description could include more sensory details to create a sense of tension and anticipation.

3. The dialogue between Clarice and Ardelia at the end of the scene feels slightly forced and cliché. It would be more effective if their exchange felt more natural and authentic to their characters.

4. The introduction of Special Agent Jack Crawford feels abrupt and somewhat disconnected from the rest of the scene. It could be smoother if there was more context or foreshadowing in earlier scenes.

Overall, the scene effectively sets up the action and introduces the main character, but there are some areas that could benefit from further development and refinement.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Provide more clarity in the action descriptions: The action descriptions in this scene can be a bit confusing. Try to provide clearer, more concise descriptions of the characters' movements and actions. This will help the reader visualize the scene more easily.

2. Include more sensory details: Add more sensory details to help the reader fully immerse themselves in the scene. Describe the smells, sounds, and atmosphere of the grubby hotel corridor to create a more vivid setting.

3. Heighten the tension: Find ways to heighten the tension in the scene. Use suspenseful language and build up the anticipation as Clarice Starling approaches the room and encounters the suspects. This will make the scene more gripping for the reader.

4. Develop the characters: Give the reader a better sense of who these characters are. Show us more about Clarice Starling and her personality through her actions, dialogue, and internal thoughts. This will make her more relatable and engaging for the audience.

5. Pace the action: Vary the pacing of the action to keep the scene dynamic. Use short, fast-paced sentences during moments of intense action to create a sense of urgency. Slow down the pacing during quieter moments to provide contrast and allow the reader to catch their breath.

6. Clarify the purpose of the scene: Make sure the purpose of the scene is clear to the reader. Is it to introduce Clarice Starling as a capable and determined FBI agent? Is it to establish the dynamic between Clarice and her roommate? Clarify the goals of the scene and make sure they are effectively conveyed to the reader.

Overall, focus on creating a clear and engaging scene that effectively moves the story forward and captures the reader's attention.



Scene 2 - Clarice's Assignment
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
EXT. FBI ACADEMY GROUNDS, QUANTICO, VIRGINIA - DAY

Crawford is watching a group of trainees on the firing
range, as Clarice joins him. He looks tired, haunted.
Between master and student, we sense a subtle, muted tug
of sexuality.
4.


CRAWFORD
Starling, Clarice M., good morning.

CLARICE
Good morning, Mr. Crawford.

CRAWFORD
Your instructors tell me you're doing
well. Top quarter of the class.

CLARICE
I hope so. They haven't posted
anything.

CRAWFORD
A job's come up and I thought about
you. Not really a job, more of - an
interesting errand. Walk me to my car,
Starling.

They begin to cross the academy grounds. A group of
trainees jogs by, in matching sweats, following a p.e.
coach.

CRAWFORD
(continuing)
We're trying to interview all of the
serial killers now in custody, for a
psychobehavioral profile. Could be a
big help in unsolved cases. Most of
them have been happy to talk to us.
They have a compulsion to boast, these
people... Do you spook easily,
Starling?

CLARICE
Not yet.

CRAWFORD
You see, the one we want most refuses
to cooperate. I want you to go after
him again today, in the asylum.

CLARICE
Who's the subject?

CRAWFORD
The psychiatrist - Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

Clarice stops walking, goes very still. A beat.

CLARICE
The cannibal...
5.


Crawford doesn't respond, except to study her face.

CLARICE
(continuing)
Yes, well... Okay, right. I'm glad for
the chance, sir, but - why me?

CRAWFORD
You're qualified and available. And
frankly, I can't spare a real agent
right now.

He walks on again, at a faster clip. She hurried to keep
up.

CRAWFORD
(continuing)
I don't expect him to talk to you, but
I have to be able to say we tried...
Lecter was a brilliant psychiatrist,
and he knows all the dodges.
(hands her the manila
envelope)
Dossier on him, copy of our
questionnaire, special ID for you...
If he won't talk, then I want straight
reporting. How's he look, how's his
cell look, what's he writing? The
Director himself will see your report,
over your own signature - if I decide
it's good enough. I want that by 0800
Wednesday, and keep this to yourself.

They're reached his car. His driver stamps on a cigarette,
climbs in behind the wheel. BURROUGHS, his assistant, says
something into a walkie-talkie, then opens the back door.
But Crawford pulls her aside, a hand on her shoulder. His
intensity is scary.

CRAWFORD
(continuing)
Now. I want your full attention,
Starling. Are you listening to me?

CLARICE
Yes sir.

CRAWFORD
Be very careful with Hannibal Lecter.
Dr. Chilton at the asylum will go over
the physical procedures used with him.
(more)
6.


CRAWFORD (cont'd)
Do not deviate from them, for any
reason. You tell him nothing personal,
Starling. Believe me, you don't want
Hannibal Lecter inside your head...
Just do your job, but never forget
what he is.

CLARICE
(a bit unnerved)
And what is that, sir?

CHILTON (V.O.)
Oh, he's a monster. A pure
psychopath...

CUT TO:

INT. CHILTON'S OFFICE - BALTIMORE STATE HOSPITAL FOR THE
CRIMINALLY INSANE - DAY

CLOSE ON an ID card held in a male hand. Clarice's photo,
official-looking graphics. It calls her a "Federal
Investigator."

CHILTON (O.S.)
It's so rare to capture one alive.
From a research point of view, Dr.
Lecter is our most prized asset...

DR. FREDERICK CHILTON looks up from her card. A smarmy
little peacock, behind a vast desk; he's conceived an
instant, hopeless letch for Clarice. He smiles, stroking
her card with his beloved gold pen.

CHILTON
You know, we get a lot of detectives
here, but I must say, I can't ever
remember one so attractive...

NEW ANGLE - REVEALS CLARICE

now wearing a more feminine skirt suit. Hair neatly
coiled, elegant shoulder bag, briefcase. He has rudely
left her standing.

CHILTON
Will you be in Baltimore overnight...?
Because this can be quite a fun town,
if you have the right guide.

Clarice tires, unsuccessfully, to hide her distaste for
him.
7.


CLARICE
I'm sure it's a great town, Dr.
Chilton, but my instructions are to
talk to Lecter and report back this
afternoon.

CHILTON
(pause, sourly)
I see.
(beat)
Let's make this quick, then. I'm busy.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["crime","thriller"]

Summary Clarice Starling is given the assignment to interview Dr. Hannibal Lecter, a notorious serial killer. She is warned about the dangers and given instructions to follow during the interview.
Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the main conflict of Clarice interviewing Hannibal Lecter. It also builds tension and intrigue around the character of Lecter. The scene moves the story forward by introducing the assignment and creating a sense of danger and urgency."
Weaknesses "The dialogue between Clarice and Crawford can feel slightly expositional at times. Some may find the flirtation from Dr. Chilton uncomfortable or unnecessary."
Critique Overall, this scene sets up the main conflict of the story and introduces important characters. It effectively establishes the FBI Academy as the setting, and the conversation between Crawford and Clarice reveals the task she is being assigned - to interview Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

The dialogue is well-written and provides necessary exposition while also giving insight into the characters' personalities and motivations. The tension and sexual undertones between Crawford and Clarice add depth to their relationship.

However, the scene could benefit from stronger visual descriptions and more specific details to make the setting and characters come alive. The use of more vivid language could enhance the atmosphere and engage the reader more fully. Additionally, pacing could be improved by breaking up some of the longer lines of dialogue into smaller, more manageable chunks.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the central conflict and establishes the tone and dynamic between the characters. With stronger visual descriptions and sharper pacing, it could be even more engaging and immersive.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the setting: In the first line, include a brief description of the FBI Academy grounds to help the reader visualize the location.

2. Provide a clearer description of Crawford's appearance: Instead of just saying he looks tired and haunted, give specific details about his physical appearance to better convey his state of mind.

3. Develop the subtle, muted tug of sexuality: Add more visual cues or dialogue to hint at the sexual tension between Crawford and Clarice. This could be subtle gestures, glances, or exchanges that suggest an underlying attraction.

4. Fix formatting and grammar errors: Some sections of the dialogue are not properly formatted. Make sure each line of dialogue begins with the character's name in all capital letters, followed by their spoken lines.

5. Add more specific dialogue: Instead of just saying Clarice hopes she is doing well, allow her to express confidence or acknowledge her own hard work. This will make her character more proactive and self-assured.

6. Make the conversation more dynamic: Add some back-and-forth exchanges between Crawford and Clarice to make the scene feel more engaging. This could be through clarifying questions, additional comments, or reactions from each character.

7. Include more visual cues and actions: In addition to the dialogue, include gestures, movements, or facial expressions to show the characters' emotions and reactions.

8. Build suspense and intrigue: When Crawford mentions the subject is Hannibal Lecter, create a more dramatic moment where Clarice reacts with shock or apprehension. This will make the audience more curious about the character and set up the conflict of the story.

9. Consider adding more descriptions of the characters: It is important to establish visual descriptions of characters early on in the script. Provide some details about their physical appearances, age, or clothing to help the readers visualize them.

10. Proofread for consistency: Check for any inconsistencies in names, formatting, or grammar to ensure the scene reads smoothly.



Scene 3 - Interview at the Asylum
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. ASYLUM CORRIDOR - UPPER FLOOR - DAY

Clarice flinches as a heavy steel gate CLANGS shut behind
her, the bolt shooting home. Chilton walks ahead of her.

CHILTON
Lecter carved up nine people - that
we're sure of - and cooked his
favorite bits. We've tried to study
him, of course - but he's much too
sophisticated for the standard tests.
And my, does he hate us! Thinks I'm
his nemesis... Crawford's very clever,
isn't he? Using you.

CLARICE
How do you mean, Dr. Chilton?

CHILTON
A pretty young woman, to turn him on?
I don't believe Lecter's ever seen a
woman in eight years. And oh, are you
ever his "taste" - so to speak.

CLARICE
I graduated magna from UVA, Doctor.
It's not a charm school.

CHILTON
Good. Then you should be able to
remember the rules.

CUT TO:

INT. DIFFERENT CORRIDOR - LOWER FLOOR - DAY

A darker, even grimmer area. Heavy grids over the lights.
Distant SLAMMINGS and faint, hoarse SHOUTS. They walk
briskly.
8.


CHILTON
Do not reach through the bars, do not
touch the bars. You pass him nothing
but soft paper - no pens or pencils.
No staples or paperclips in his paper.
Use the sliding food carrier, no
exceptions. Do not accept anything he
attempts to hold out to you. Do you
understand me?

CLARICE
I understand.

CHILTON
I'm going to show you why we insist on
such precautions... On the afternoon
of July 8, 1981, he complained of
chest pains and was taken to the
dispensary. His mouthpiece and
restraints were removed for an EKG.
When the nurse bent over him, he did
this to her...

He hands Clarice a small, dog-eared photo. Looking at it,
she is stopped in her tracks. This pleases Chilton.

CHILTON
(continuing)
The doctors managed to re-set her jaw,
more or less, and save one of her
eyes. His pulse never got over eighty-
five, even when he ate her tongue.
(pauses, he smiles)
I keep him in here.

He turns, pushes a button. A steel door BUZZES slowly
open, and BARNEY - a big, impassive orderly - awaits them
in an anteroom. On its walls: restraints, mouthpieces,
Mace, tranquilizer guns.

CLARICE
(quickly blocking him)
Dr. Chilton - if Lecter feels you're
his enemy - as you've said - them
maybe I'll have more luck by myself.
What do you think?

CHILTON
(annoyed)
You might have suggested that in my
office, and saved me the time.
9.


CLARICE
But then I would've missed the
pleasure of your company.

She holds out the photo. A beat. He grabs it, jaw
twitching.

CHILTON
When she's finished, bring her out.

He turns on his heel, goes. Barney smiles reassuringly.

BARNEY
Hi, I'm Barney. He told you, don't get
near the bars?

CLARICE
(shaking his hand)
Clarice Starling. Yes, he did.

BARNEY
Okay. Past the others, it's the last
cell. Stay to the middle. I put out a
chair for you.

Sensing her tension, he indicates a nearby security
monitor.

BARNEY
(continuing)
I'm watching. You'll do fine.

Clarice nods gratefully. She looks down the long corridor,
takes a deep breath, walks into it. He watches her go.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Thriller","Crime"]

Summary Clarice Starling prepares to interview Dr. Hannibal Lecter at the asylum, following a tense shootout. She is given strict instructions and warned about the dangers of interacting with him.
Strengths "Tense atmosphere, suspenseful setup, clear character development"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue feels clich\u00e9"
Critique This scene does a good job of establishing the atmosphere and tension of the asylum. The dialogue between Clarice and Chilton reveals important information about Lecter and his past actions, setting up the audience's expectations for what they might encounter inside the asylum. The dialogue also provides some characterization of Chilton as manipulative and calculating.

One suggestion to improve this scene would be to show more of Clarice's emotional reaction to the photo Chilton shows her. Right now, it is simply mentioned that she is "stopped in her tracks," but it would be more powerful to see her visceral response, such as her facial expression or body language. This would further emphasize the disturbing nature of Lecter's actions and the impact they have on those who witness them.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from some more visual description to enhance the setting and atmosphere. For example, describing the sounds and smells of the asylum corridor, or the dim lighting and decaying nature of the lower floor, would help immerse the audience in the environment and make it even more eerie and unsettling.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the suspense and horror elements of the story, but could be further enhanced with more attention to visual details and character reactions.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Show Clarice's physical reaction: Instead of just saying she flinches when the heavy steel gate clanks shut, describe her reaction in more detail. Does she jump or visibly startle? This will help to convey her unease and build tension in the scene.

2. Develop Chilton's character: Currently, Chilton comes across as a one-dimensional antagonist. Consider adding more depth to his character by revealing his motivations or giving him more specific actions to illustrate his manipulative nature.

3. Make the dialogue more natural: Some of the dialogue feels a bit expositional and could be reworked to sound more authentic. For example, instead of Chilton saying "Thinks I’m his nemesis... Crawford's very clever, isn't he? Using you," consider rewriting it to sound more natural and subtle.

4. Use visual cues to enhance the setting: Instead of telling the reader that the area is darker and grimmer in the lower floor corridor, show it through vivid description. Explore the use of lighting, shadows, and atmospheric details to create a more immersive visual experience.

5. Show Clarice's reaction to the photo: Rather than just saying that Clarice is stopped in her tracks when she sees the photo, delve deeper into her emotional response. How does the photo affect her? Does she show anger, sadness, or determination?

6. Add more sensory details: Use sensory language to engage the reader's senses. Describe the sounds of the slammins and shouts in the background or the smell of disinfectant in the anteroom. This will make the scene more vivid and immersive.

7. Show Clarice's internal conflict: Clarice's question to Chilton about going in alone presents an interesting opportunity to explore her character and her internal conflict. Show her hesitation, mixed with determination, as she considers taking on this dangerous task by herself.

8. Build tension through pacing: As Clarice walks down the long corridor towards Lecter's cell, consider adding more details to heighten the suspense and create a sense of anticipation. Use shorter sentences and paragraphs to increase the pace and create a feeling of urgency.

Overall, focus on enhancing character development, adding visual and sensory details, and maximizing the tension and suspense in the scene.



Scene 4 - Clarice Interviews Dr. Hannibal Lecter
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. DR. LECTER'S CORRIDOR - DAY

MOVING SHOT - with Clarice, as her footsteps ECHO. High to
her right, surveillance cameras. On her left, cells. Some
are padded, with narrow observation slits, others are
normal, barred... Shadowy occupants pacing, MUTTERING...
Suddenly a dark figure in the next-to-last cell hurtles
towards her, his face mashing grotesquely against his bars
as he hisses.

DARK FIGURE
I c-can sssmell your cunt!

Clarice flinches momentarily, but then walks on.
10.


DR. LECTER'S CELL

is coming slowly INTO VIEW... Behind its barred front wall
is a second barrier of stout nylon net... Sparse, bolted-
down furniture, many softcover books and papers. On the
walls, extraordinarily detailed, skillful drawings, mostly
European cityscapes, in charcoal or crayon.

Clarice stops, at a police distance from his bars, clears
her throat.

CLARICE
Dr. Lecter... My name is Clarice
Starling. May I talk with you?

Dr. Hannibal Lecter is lounging on his bunk, in white
pajamas, reading an Italian Vogue. He turns, considers
her... A face so long out of the sun, it seems almost
leached - except for the glittering eyes, and the wet red
mouth. He rises smoothly, crossing to stand before her;
the gracious host. His voice is cultured, soft.

DR. LECTER
Good morning.

CUTTING BETWEEN THEM

as Clarice comes a measured distance closer.

CLARICE
Doctor, we have a hard problem in
psychological profiling. I want to ask
for your help with a questionnaire.

DR. LECTER
"We" being the Behavioral Science
Unit, at Quantico. You're one of Jack
Crawford's, I expect.

CLARICE
I am, yes.

DR. LECTER
May I see your credentials?

Clarice is surprised, but fishes her ID card from her bag,
holds it up for his inspection. He smiles, soothingly.

DR. LECTER
(continuing)
Closer, please... clo-ser...
11.


She complies each time, trying to hide her fear. Dr.
Lecter's nostrils lift, as he gently, like an animal,
tests the air. Then he smiles, glancing at her card.

DR. LECTER
(continuing)
That expires in one week. You're not
real FBI, are you?

CLARICE
I'm - still in training at the Academy.

DR. LECTER
Jack Crawford sent a trainee to me?

CLARICE
We're talking about psychology,
Doctor, not the Bureau. Can you decide
for yourself whether or not I'm
qualified?

DR. LECTER
Mmmmm... That's rather slippery of
you, Officer Starling. Sit. Please.

She sits in the folding metal desk-chair. He waits
politely till she's settled, then sits down himself, faces
her happily.

DR. LECTER
(continuing)
Now then. What did Miggs say to you?
(she is puzzled)
"Multiple Miggs," in the next cell. He
hissed at you. What did he say?

CLARICE
He said - "I can smell your cunt."

DR. LECTER
I see. I myself cannot. You use Evyan
skin cream, and sometimes you wear
L'Air du Temps, but not today. You
brought your best bag, though, didn't
you?

CLARICE
(beat)
Yes.

DR. LECTER
It's much better than your shoes.
12.


CLARICE
Maybe they'll catch up.

DR. LECTER
I have no doubt of it.

CLARICE
(shifting
uncomfortably)
Did you do those drawings, Doctor?

DR. LECTER
Yes. That's the Duomo, seen from the
Belvedere. Do you know Florence?

CLARICE
All that detail, just from memory...?

DR. LECTER
Memory, Officer Starling, is what I
have instead of view.

A pause, then Clarice takes the questionnaire from her
case.

CLARICE
Dr. Lecter, if you'd please consider -

DR. LECTER
No, no, no. You were doing fine, you'd
been courteous and receptive to
courtesy, you'd established trust with
the embarrassing truth about Miggs,
and now this ham-handed segue into
your questionnaire. It won't do. It's
stupid and boring.

CLARICE
I'm only asking you to look at this,
Doctor. Either you will or you won't.

DR. LECTER
Jack Crawford must be very busy indeed
if he's recruiting help from the
student body. Busy hunting that new
one, Buffalo Bill... Such a naughty
boy! Did Crawford send you to ask for
my advice on him?

CLARICE
No, I came because we need -
13.


DR. LECTER
How many women has he used, our Bill?

CLARICE
Five... so far.

DR. LECTER
All flayed...?

CLARICE
Partially, yes. But Doctor, that's an
active case, I'm not involved. If -

DR. LECTER
Do you know why he's called Buffalo
Bill? Tell me. The newspapers won't
say.

CLARICE
I'll tell you if you'll look at this
form.
(he considers, then
nods)
It started as a bad joke in Kansas
City Homicide. They said... this one
likes to skin his humps.

DR. LECTER
Witless and misleading. Why do you
think he takes their skins, Officer
Starling? Thrill me with your wisdom.

CLARICE
It excites him. Most serial killers
keep some sort of trophies.

DR. LECTER
I didn't.

CLARICE
No. You ate yours.

A tense beat, then a smile from him, at this small
boldness.

DR. LECTER
Send that through.

She rolls him the questionnaire, in his sliding food tray.
He rises, glances at it, turning a page or two
disdainfully.
14.


DR. LECTER
(continuing)
Oh, Officer Starling... do you think
you can dissect me with this blunt
little tool?

CLARICE
No. I only hoped that your knowledge -

Suddenly he whips the tray back at her, with a metallic
CLANG that makes her start. His voice remains a pleasant
purr.

DR. LECTER
You're sooo ambitious, aren't you...?
You know what you look like to me,
with your good bag and your cheap
shoes? You look like a rube. A well-
scrubbed, hustling rube with a little
taste... Good nutrition has given you
some length of bone, but you're not
more than one generation from poor
white trash, are you Officer
Starling...? That accent you're trying
so desperately to shed - pure West
Virginia. What was your father, dear?
Was he a coal miner? Did he stink of
the lamp...? And oh, how quickly the
boys found you! All those tedious,
sticky fumblings, in the back seats of
cars, while you could only dream of
getting out. Getting anywhere -yes?
Getting all the way - to the F...B...I.

His every word has struck her like a tiny, precise dart.
But she squares her jaw and won't give ground.

CLARICE
You see a lot, Dr. Lecter. But are you
strong enough to point that high-
powered perception at yourself? How
about it...? Look at yourself and
write down the truth.
(she slams the tray
back at him)
Or maybe you're afraid to.

DR. LECTER
You're a tough one, aren't you?

CLARICE
Reasonably so. Yes.
15.


DR. LECTER
And you'd hate to think you were
common. My, wouldn't that sting! Well
you're far from common, Officer
Starling. All you have is the fear of
it.
(beat)
Now please excuse me. Good day.

CLARICE
And the questionnaire...?

DR. LECTER
A census taker once tried to test me.
I ate his liver with some fava beans
and a nice chianti... Fly back to
school, little Starling.

He steps backwards, then returns to his cot, becoming as
still and remote as a statue. Frustrated, Clarice
hesitates, then finally shoulders her bag and goes,
leaving the questionnaire in his tray. But after just a
few steps, as she passes -

MIGG'S CELL

She sees that creature at his bars again, hissing at her.

MIGGS
I b-bit my wrist so I c-can diiiieeee!
S-ee how it bleeeeeeeeds?

The dark figure suddenly flings his palm towards her, and -

CLARICE

is spattered on the face and neck - not with blood, but
with pale droplets of semen. She gives a little cry,
touching her fingers to the wetness. Stunned, near tears,
she forces herself to straighten up and walk on, fumbling
for a tissue. From behind her, Dr. Lecter calls out, very
agitated.

DR. LECTER (O.S.)
Officer Starling... Officer Starling!

Clarice slows, stops. She shudders, but makes the very
difficult choice to turn, walk back, stand again in front
of -
16.


DR. LECTER
Who's shivering with rage. For an
instant his face opens, and we catch
a glimpse into hell itself. Then he's
composed again.

DR. LECTER
(continuing)
I would not have had that happen to
you. Discourtesy is - unspeakably ugly
to me.

CLARICE
Then please - do this test for me.

DR. LECTER
No. But I will make you happy... I'll
give you a chance for what you love
most, Clarice Starling.

CLARICE
What's that, Dr. Lecter?

DR. LECTER
Advancement, of course.
(beat)
Go to Split City. See Miss Mofet, an
old patient of mine. M-O-F-E-T... Now
go. Go.
(a smile)
I don't think Miggs could manage again
so soon, even if he is crazy - do you?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Thriller","Crime","Drama"]

Summary Clarice Starling interviews Dr. Hannibal Lecter at the asylum after a tense shootout. She presents a questionnaire and seeks his help with psychological profiling. Dr. Lecter challenges her and engages in a psychological game, making personal remarks about Clarice's background and appearance. In the end, he refuses to take the questionnaire but offers her a chance for advancement.
Strengths "Tense dialogue between Clarice and Dr. Lecter, psychological game, character development"
Weaknesses "Some parts may be too dialog-heavy, lack of physical action"
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively establishes the atmosphere and tension within the prison. However, there are a few areas for improvement:

1. The dialogue feels somewhat repetitive in terms of the characters introducing themselves and establishing their roles. Consider condensing some of the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful.

2. The description of the characters' actions and emotions could be enhanced to create a more visual and immersive experience for the reader. For example, instead of simply stating that Clarice "flinches momentarily," provide more sensory details to emphasize her reaction.

3. While the dialogue between Clarice and Dr. Lecter is engaging and adds depth to their characters, there are instances where it becomes a bit melodramatic or overwritten. Consider trimming down some of the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.

Overall, this scene effectively captures the unsettling atmosphere of the prison and introduces the dynamic between Clarice and Dr. Lecter. With a few adjustments to the dialogue and description, it could be even more compelling.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Character Development: Explore Clarice's reaction to the dark figure in the cell more. Show her internal conflict and how it affects her. This will help the audience understand her character better.

2. Dialogue: Consider adding more tension and conflict between Clarice and Dr. Lecter. Increase the stakes and disagreement between them to make the scene more engaging.

3. Visual Imagery: Use more vivid descriptions to create a strong visual image of the surroundings and the characters. This will make the scene more visually appealing and immersive for the audience.

4. Pacing: Adjust the pacing of the scene to create a better flow. You can do this by breaking up some of the dialogue paragraphs into smaller, more concise exchanges.

5. Conflict Resolution: Add a resolution to the conflict between Clarice and Dr. Lecter. This could be a moment where they find common ground or a compromise, which will add depth to their relationship and create a more satisfying conclusion to the scene.

These suggestions will help enhance the scene's impact and make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 5 - Confrontation and Reflection
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. THE HOSPITAL - PARKING LOT - DAY

The grim gothic pile of the asylum looms overhead as
Clarice rushes out the front doors. She is badly shaken,
almost stumbling, as she rubs at her face. She looks
around for, and finally, with some relief, spots -

HER CAR

an old Pinto, parked nearby. This image begins to BLUR...

CLOSE ON

her face, fighting tears, as the CAMERA begins to WHIRL
AROUND her, almost dizzily. She is seeing, in her mind's
eye -
17.


IN FLASHBACK

a screen door banging open, on a wooden porch, and a 10-
year old girl - the young Clarice - rushing outside, down
the front steps, and running joyfully across her front
yard to -

MOVING ANGLE - THE GIRL'S POV

a car - late 60's vintage - parked in the dirt road. A
MAN, Clarice's father, is just climbing out. He's tall,
handsome, and has a marshal's badge pinned on his dark
suit. He grins, seeing her, and spreads his arms wide as...

THE YOUNG CLARICE

rushes into them, and he sweeps her up in a hug, spinning
her around, the CAMERA SPINNING with them, and capturing
both their laughing faces, before we abruptly return to -

THE ADULT CLARICE

alone in the parking lot, sagging against her car. Her
face is buried in her arms, she shoulders shaking. SOUND
UPCUT - a steady, rapid series of GUNSHOTS, as we

CUT TO:

INT. FBI ACADEMY FIRING RANGE - DAY

Clarice, in a combat stance, and wearing a sound-muffling
headset, is squeezing off ROUND after ROUND at

A MOVING TARGET

The sillouette of a man, approaching along a track. Her
shots, tightly grouped, are all finding the center chest.
The target stops, quite close to her, still swaying.

Clarice stares at it, deftly working her speedloader. Then
she puts a final, emphatic shot right through THE FIGURE'S
FOREHEAD.

CUT TO:

INT. FBI ACADEMY LIBRARY - NIGHT

CLOSE ON a microfilm monitor - a grainy newsphoto of Dr.
Lecter, scrawling past, with an accompanying story ("New
Horrors in Cannibal Trial"), dated 1980.

Clarice is punching keys on the terminal. Other trainees
study at nearby tables.
18.


She pauses, jotting a note on her pad, as Ardelia comes
by, carrying an armful of books.

ARDELIA
Phone call, Clarice. It's God.

CLARICE
Thanks, Ardelia.

MOVING ANGLE

as Clarice rises, grabbing her notebook, and follows
Ardelia past high metal bookstacks.

ARDELIA
You missed Fourth Amendment law.
Unlawful seizure, real juicy stuff.
Where were you all afternoon?

CLARICE
Pleading with a crazy man, with come
all over my face.

Ardelia stares at her, figures it's a put-on, laughs.

ARDELIA
Damn. Wish I had time for a social
life.

Clarice grins, as Ardelia indicates a phone receiver
resting on the check-out desk, then moves on. Clarice
picks it up.

CLARICE
(on phone)
Mr. Crawford?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Clarice Starling, emotionally shaken after a tense confrontation with Dr. Hannibal Lecter, seeks solace in her car and reminisces about a happy childhood memory. She then exhibits exceptional shooting skills in a shootout exercise at the FBI academy and does research on Dr. Lecter in the library. Ardelia interrupts her to inform her of a phone call from Mr. Crawford.
Strengths "Tense atmosphere, emotional depth, character development"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be more impactful"
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the emotional state of the character Clarice. The use of flashback adds depth and context to her present state of mind. The imagery and camera movements help to create a sense of unease and dizziness, mirroring Clarice's mental and emotional state. The transitions between the different locations are clear and smooth.

One suggestion for improvement would be to provide more specific details about the grim gothic pile of the asylum. This would help to paint a clearer picture in the reader's mind and enhance the atmosphere of the scene.

In terms of character development, the flashback sequence does a good job of establishing Clarice's relationship with her father and providing insight into her past. However, it might be beneficial to provide more information about her father's occupation as a marshal and how it has influenced her life and career choice as an FBI agent.

Overall, the scene effectively sets up the emotional journey that Clarice is going through and leaves the reader wanting to know more about her story.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the location: Provide some more details about the hospital and the parking lot to set the tone and atmosphere of the scene. Describe any specific architectural details or unique features that make the asylum appear even more eerie and intimidating.

2. Develop Clarice's emotional state: Show more of Clarice's emotions as she rushes out of the hospital. Instead of just stating that she is badly shaken, describe her physical reactions, like trembling hands or a racing heart. This will help the audience empathize with her.

3. Add depth to the flashback: Provide more context for the flashback scene. Why is the young Clarice rushing outside? Is there a specific reason that she is running joyfully toward her father's car? This will add depth to her character and create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.

4. Enhance the transition between flashback and present: Instead of abruptly returning to the adult Clarice in the parking lot, consider using a visual or auditory cue to smoothly transition between the past and present. This could be a sound, object, or gesture that triggers the flashback or brings Clarice back to reality.

5. Show the impact of the gunshots: Instead of just mentioning the sound of gunshots, describe the impact they have on Clarice in the moment. Does she flinch or have a physical reaction? This will help convey her lingering trauma and the weight of her experiences.

6. Provide more context in the FBI Academy scenes: Clarify what training exercise Clarice is participating in at the firing range. Describe the purpose and significance of the exercise, and how it relates to her character development or the overall story.

7. Deepen the conversation between Clarice and Ardelia: Instead of just a brief exchange about a phone call, use this opportunity to explore their relationship and provide more insight into Clarice's personal life. This can be done through deeper dialogue or additional actions that reveal more about Clarice's character.

8. Revise the dialogue: Consider making the dialogue more natural and authentic, with each character speaking in a distinct voice. Add more subtext and subplots to make the conversation more engaging and compelling for the audience.



Scene 6 - Investigating Leads
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. CRAWFORD'S HOUSE - STUDY - NIGHT

Crawford, in a cardigan, sits in a wing chair in the book-
lined study of his suburban home. He turns the pages of
Clarice's memo as they talk. His tone is sharp.

CRAWFORD
I've read your interim memo on Lecter.
You sure you've left nothing out?
19.


INTERCUTTING

CLARICE
It's all there, sir, practically
verbatim.

CRAWFORD
Every word, Starling? Every gesture?

CLARICE
(a bit heatedly)
Right down to the kleenex I used.
(he is silent)
Sir, why? Is something wrong?

CRAWFORD
He mentioned a name, at the very end.
"Mofet..." Any followup on her?

CLARICE
I spent all evening on the mainframe.
Lecter altered or destroyed most of
his patient histories, prior to
capture. No record of anyone named
Mofet. But "Split City" sounded like
it might have have something to do
with divorce. I tracked it down in the
library's catalogue of national yellow
pages.
(glancing at her
notes)
It's a mini-storage facility outside
Baltimore, where Lecter had his
practice.

She pauses, expecting some soft of approval for her
cleverness.

CRAWFORD
Well? Why aren't you there right now?

CLARICE
Sir, that's a field job. It's outside
the scope of my assignment. And I've
got a test tomorrow on -

CRAWFORD
Do you recall my instructions to you,
Starling? What were they?

CLARICE
To complete and file my report by 0800
Wednesday. But sir -
20.


CRAWFORD
Then do that, Starling. Do just
exactly that.

CLARICE
Sir, what is it? There's something
you're not telling me.

CRAWFORD
(beat)
Miggs has been murdered.

CLARICE
(startled, upset)
Murdered...? How?

CRAWFORD
The orderly heard Lecter whispering to
him, all afternoon, and Miggs crying.
They found him at bed check. He'd
swallowed his own tongue... Chilton is
scared stiff the family will file a
civil rights lawsuit, and he's trying
to blame it on you. I told the little
prick your conduct was flawless.
(beat)
Starling...?

CLARICE
I'm here, sir, I just - I don't know
how to feel about it.

CRAWFORD
You don't have to feel any way about
it. Lecter did it to amuse himself.
Why not, what can they do? Take away
his books for awhile, and no jello...
(a bit softer)
I know it got ugly today. But this is
your report, Starling - take it as far
as you can. On your own time, outside
of class. Now carry on.

ANGLE ON CLARICE

as we hear the loud CLICK of Crawford hanging up. She
stares at her receiver, stung by his abruptness.

CLARICE
Well God damn it! You old creep.
Creepo son of a bitch. Let Miggs
squirt you and see how you like it.
21.


She slams her receiver into its cradle.

ANGLE ON CRAWFORD

as he flips aside her memo, then rises, wearily. He leaves
his study, flicking off the lamp, and pads away in his
slippers.

CUT TO:

INT. CRAWFORD'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

A private nurse, in white, stands marking a clipboard
chart, as Crawford enters his tidy bedroom.

CRAWFORD
I'll take over, Patricia. You get some
rest.

The nurse nods, hands him the chart, and goes. He glances
at it, then sets it aside. He crosses to -

BELLA CRAWFORD

who lies in an elevated hospital bed. Nearby are an oxygen
tank and mask, floral arrangements. Her breathing is
shallow, very labored. Crawford looks down at his comatose
wife for a long moment, tenderly brushes a strand of her
hair back into place, then bends over to kiss her
forehead. SOUND UPCUT - THUNDER and RAIN...

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. "SPLIT CITY MINI-STORAGE" - DUSK (RAINING)

An orange neon sign, streaked with rain, identifies out
location. It looms over a hurricane fence, topped with
barbed wire. Inside, row on row of garage-sized,
cinderblock sheds.

MR. YOW (V.O.)
Unit 31 was leased for ten years. Pre-
paid in full... The contract is in the
name of "Miss Hester Mofet."

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Thriller","Crime"]

Summary Clarice receives instructions from her superior, Mr. Crawford, about her report on Dr. Lecter. She discovers a potential lead on a name mentioned by Lecter and shares her findings with Crawford. They discuss the murder of an inmate by Lecter, and Crawford urges Clarice to continue her investigation. The scene ends with preparations to investigate a new lead.
Strengths
  • Tense and dramatic dialogue
  • Reveals personal struggles of characters
  • Sets up a new lead for investigation
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
Critique Overall, this scene effectively conveys important information and progresses the plot. However, there are a few areas where it can be improved.

First, the description of the setting and characters could be more vivid. Instead of simply stating that Crawford is sitting in a wing chair in a book-lined study, it would be more engaging to describe the specific details of the room and how it reflects his character. Similarly, adding more visual details to describe Crawford's appearance and mannerisms would help the reader visualize the scene better.

In terms of dialogue, the conversation between Crawford and Clarice feels a bit stiff and unnatural at times. The tone of their conversation could benefit from more nuance and emotional depth, particularly during the exchange where Crawford reveals that Miggs has been murdered. This is a significant turning point in the scene and it should be conveyed with more impact. Additionally, the dialogue itself can be tightened to make it more concise and to the point.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more sensory details and visual cues to enhance the atmosphere. For instance, describing the sounds of rain and thunder outside the house or the feeling of tension in the room during the phone call would add depth to the scene.

Overall, while the scene effectively delivers necessary information, it could benefit from more vivid description, improved dialogue, and enhanced sensory details to create a more engaging and impactful experience for the reader.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Develop the setting: Add more description to the study to set the tone and atmosphere. For example, you can mention the dim lighting, the smell of old books, or the sound of a ticking clock to create a sense of tension and suspense.

2. Show emotions: Instead of simply stating that Clarice is "a bit heatedly" or "startled, upset," show her emotions through her actions and body language. For example, you can have her clenched fists or her voice trembling to convey her frustration and shock.

3. Increase dialogue tension: Add more conflict to the conversation between Crawford and Clarice. Allow them to have differing opinions or goals to create more tension and a sense of urgency.

4. Pacing: Consider tightening the dialogue and removing any unnecessary repetition. For example, instead of hearing Clarice repeat Crawford's instructions, you can have her interrupt him and say, "But sir, there was something else I wanted to discuss."

5. Character development: Explore Crawford's character more by showing his reaction to the news of Miggs' murder. You can have him show a moment of vulnerability or frustration, which can add depth to his character.

Overall, focus on enhancing the emotional impact of the scene and creating a stronger sense of suspense and urgency.



Scene 7 - Investigating the Storage Unit
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. STORAGE UNIT NUMBER 31 - DUSK

Clarice, kneeling before a closed, roll-up metal door,
takes a FLASH photo of its sealed padlock. EVERETT YOW, a
fat, 60ish Chinaman, holds an umbrella over them both. He
looks unhappy.
22.


CLARICE
So no one's been in here since - 1980?

She opens the padlock, using a fat ring of tagged keys,
then sets aside both keys and lock.

MR. YOW
Not to my knowledge. Privacy is a
great concern to my customers. But, if
you say this is an FBI matter...

CLARICE
I won't disturb anything, Mr. Yow, I
promise. Be gone before you know it.

Slinging her camera over a shoulder, she tugs at the
handle, but the door won't budge. Another tug, harder - no
good. Mr. Yow stoops to help, puffing hard, but it's
firmly stuck. He sighs.

MR. YOW
We could return tomorrow, with my son.
Or perhaps some workmen...?

Clarice crosses to her Pinto, which faces the shed,
reaches in to turn on her headlights. Mr. Yow blinks in
the sudden brightness. Then she opens her truck, rummaging
inside, and returns with a bumper jack, a flashlight, and
a rubber floor mat.

CLARICE
Would you hold these, please?

She gives him her flashlight and camera, drops the mat on
the ground, then sets the bumper jack in place, under the
center of the door. She pumps on the jack handle as the
door SQUEALS slowly up, but it won't go higher than about
18 inches, despite all her exertions. She spreads out the
rubber mat on the cement, takes the flashlight from Mr.
Yow, then lies on the mat.

CUT TO:

INT. THE STORAGE SHED - DUSK (VERY DARK)

Clarice, backlit, peers under the door. She reaches in,
makes a sweep with her flashlight. We catch shadowy
outlines - boxes, then the flattened tires of a car...
SOUND of rain on the tin roof, and other noises, too -
small RUSTLINGS. Mr. Yow's chubby face appears down beside
Clarice's.
23.


MR. YOW
It smells like mice... I think I hear
them, too - don't you?

Clarice turns onto her back, starts squirming under the
door.

MR. YOW
(continuing)
You're going in there?

CUT BACK TO:

EXT. STORAGE UNIT NUMBER 31 - DUSK

Clarice pulls her head back out again, reaching to take
her camera from him. She hands him a card, trying to
appear nonchalant.

CLARICE
Mr. Yow, if this door should fall
down -ha ha! - or anything else -
would you be kind enough to call this
number? It's our Baltimore field
office. They know you're here with
me... Do you understand?

MR. YOW
Might I suggest tucking your pants
into your socks? To prevent mouse
intrusion.

CLARICE
(beat)
Good idea.

CUT BACK TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Clarice and Mr. Yow attempt to enter a storage unit, finding evidence and encountering unsettling sounds.
Strengths "The scene effectively builds tension and mystery as Clarice enters the storage unit."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more dynamic and reveal more about the characters."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively sets up a sense of mystery and anticipation. The dialogue is natural and helps to develop the characters. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon:

1. Description: While the scene provides some visual description, it could benefit from more detailed and vivid language. This would help to enhance the atmosphere and make the setting come alive for the reader.

2. Pacing: The dialogue is somewhat exposition-heavy, which slows down the pace of the scene. Consider finding ways to convey information more organically, perhaps through action or visual cues.

3. Characterization: While the characters of Clarice and Mr. Yow are interesting, their motivations and emotions could be further explored. This would add depth and complexity to their interactions and make them more compelling for the audience.

4. Climax: The scene builds suspense effectively, but it would benefit from a stronger climax or payoff. Consider adding a twist or revelation that adds a new layer of intrigue to the story.

Overall, with some refinement and attention to these areas, the scene has the potential to be a strong and engaging part of the screenplay.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the purpose of the scene: It would be helpful to establish why Clarice is at the storage unit and what she hopes to find or accomplish there. This will provide more context and make the scene more engaging for the audience.

2. Add more details to the setting: Describe the storage unit in more detail to create a vivid and atmospheric backdrop for the scene. Include sensory details like the smell of rain on the tin roof, the sound of the wind, etc.

3. Build tension and suspense: Increase the tension by adding more obstacles for Clarice to overcome. For example, instead of the door simply being stuck, make it jammed shut and require even more effort for Clarice to open it. This will make the audience more invested in whether she will succeed or not.

4. Develop the relationship between Clarice and Mr. Yow: Clarice and Mr. Yow have a brief interaction in the scene, but there is potential to delve deeper into their dynamic. Develop their relationship by adding dialogue or actions that show their mutual trust or distrust, or any history they may have.

5. Increase the stakes: Raise the stakes by adding a consequence if Clarice fails to open the storage unit or if they get caught. This will make the audience more engaged and invested in the outcome of the scene.

6. Use visual imagery: Enhance the imagery in the scene by describing the items inside the storage unit in more detail. This will paint a clearer picture for the audience and add to the atmosphere of the scene.

7. Consider pacing: Evaluate the pacing of the scene and make edits to ensure it moves at the appropriate speed. Cut any unnecessary dialogue or actions that may slow down the momentum of the scene.

implementing these suggestions will help to improve the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 8 - Gruesome Discovery
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. STORAGE SHED - DUSK (VERY DARK)

Clarice squirms, on her back, through the narrow opening.
As she squeezes all the way in, she snags one thigh on the
metal edge of the door. She curses softly, shining her
flashlight on her ripped khakis - there's a small streak
of blood.

MR. YOW (O.S.)
Okay, Miss Starling?

CLARICE
Okay, Mr. Yow...

She shines her light around. In its narrow beam, we see -
24.


CLARICE'S POV - UPWARD, SHIFTING

spiderwebs, everywhere... high stacks of cardboard
boxes... a few dusty pieces of furniture... the big car,
oddly long and tall, covered with a tarp... Suddenly
there's a scurrying of loud MUSICAL NOTES. Clarice turns,
scared, her beam capturing... an old upright piano.

MR. YOW (O.S.)
You're playing a piano, Miss Starling?

CLARICE
That wasn't me.

MR. YOW (O.S.)
Oh.

Clarice crawls a bit further. There's hardly room to
stand, but she finally manages to wriggle upright, clawing
away cobwebs, next to the car. Holding her light under one
arm, she takes several FLASH photos of the shed's
interior, ending with the car. Then, slinging her camera
over the shoulder, she folds back the tarp, resting it on
the roof. The resulting clouds of dust make her cough.

THE CAR

is an antique beauty, a 1931 Packard. It's very dusty,
despite the tarp. Curtains close off the back passenger
compartment, but there's a narrow gap in them. More mousy
RUSTLINGS.

CLARICE

peers in through the gap, aiming her flashlight.

HER POV - SHIFTING

as the thin flashlight beam picks out: the broad back
seat... as open album of lacy, old-fashioned Valentines...
a crumpled lap rug, on the floor... and then a pair of
women's shiny, high-heeled pumps... Above these, the hem
of a fancy satin evening gown - and a pair of pale,
stockinged legs.

Clarice recoils, alarmed, then steadies herself.

CLARICE
Mr. Yow? Oh Mr. Yow...? It looks like
somebody is sitting in this car.
25.


MR. YOW (O.S.)
Oh my! Oh my... Maybe you better come
out now, Miss Starling.

CLARICE
Not yet! - just wait for me.
(under the breath)
Maybe in about two seconds.

She leans down with her camera, takes a FLASH through the
gap, then tries the door handle. Locked. So is the front
door. She looks around, aiming her light, and locates a
tangle of coat-hangers, sticking out of a carton of bric-a-
brac. She pulls out one of these, straightens it quickly,
bends the tip into a hook.

CLOSE ANGLE

as she jams this tool inside the join at the top of the
back passenger window, then fishes around till she can
snag the inside door latch, pulling up. A satisfying CLICK.

Clarice opens the door - it hits stacked boxes, and won't
open far -then very cautiously leans inside, aiming her
flashlight.

HER POV - MOVING LIGHT BEAM

revealing more of the evening gown... a pair of hands, in
white, elbow-length gloves - one rests on the lap, the
other atop a large, beaded, drawstring evening bag...
thick strands of costume pearls over the breasts... and
finally the white neck stub of a female mannequin. No face
or head.

CLARICE

sighs with relief. She takes a couple more FLASHES, then
very carefully lifts out the Valentine album, holding it
by the corners, and setting it atop the car. Then she
eases herself inside, onto the back seat, as the springs
SQUEAK loudly.

ONE GLOVED HAND slides off the lap, brushing Clarice's
thigh.

Clarice starts a bit, then pokes at the gloved arm, hard.
She peels back a bit of glove, revealing the white,
synthetic elbow. She smiles, shaking her head at her own
jumpiness, as she reaches over the mannequin's lap to
loosen the evening bag's drawstring.
26.


A SEVERED HUMAN HEAD stares back at her, as the beaded
material slides away.

Clarice lurches back, gasping loudly, and several long,
heart-pounding moments pass before she can make herself
look more closely.

The head bobs gently in a pool of alcohol, in a laboratory
specimen jar. It is a man's head, but grotesquely
transformed, by the addition of heavy makeup, earrings,
and a sodden wig, into a woman's face. Over the years the
makeup has smeared badly, and the pupils have gone almost
milky white.

CLARICE

staring at this terrible thing, is pleased to find herself
quickly regaining control. She murmurs to herself.

CLARICE
Well, Toto, we're not in Kansas
anymore.

CUT TO:

EXT. QUINN'S HOSPITAL - PARKING LOT - NIGHT (RAINING)

A loud clap of THUNDER, as a flash of LIGHTNING
illuminates the eerie towers and barred windows of the
asylum.

MOVING ANGLE on Clarice as she climbs from her car, runs
through heavy rain towards the main entrance, where a
guard admits her.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Psychological Thriller","Crime"]

Summary Clarice investigates a storage shed and discovers a severed human head disguised as a mannequin. She regains her composure and acknowledges the disturbing reality of her situation.
Strengths
  • Tense and suspenseful atmosphere
  • Clear character development for Clarice
  • Memorable and impactful discovery scene
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue feels a bit forced
  • Some actions could be more subtly portrayed
Critique The scene overall is well-written and sets up a lot of tension and suspense. The descriptions are clear and vivid, allowing the reader to visualize the setting and actions easily. However, there are a couple of points that could be improved or clarified.

1. The dialogue lacks subtext: While the dialogue between Clarice and Mr. Yow serves its purpose of conveying information, it could benefit from more subtext to add depth to the characters and their relationship. This could be achieved by incorporating underlying emotions or hidden agendas.

2. Pacing and suspense: The scene builds suspense effectively, but there are moments where the pacing could be tightened to increase tension. For example, the exchange between Clarice and Mr. Yow before she enters the shed could be condensed to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged.

3. Characterization: While there is a strong focus on Clarice's actions and reactions, there is room for further development of Mr. Yow's character. Adding more details or hints about his personality, motivations, or relationship with Clarice would enhance the scene and make it richer.

4. Clarity of action: The action in the scene is generally clear, but there are a few instances where it could be clarified for better understanding. For example, when Clarice enters the car, it is initially unclear if she is climbing into the backseat or front seat. Adding a brief clarification would help readers visualize the action more accurately.

Overall, the scene effectively creates suspense and engages readers. With a few adjustments to dialogue, pacing, and clarity of action, the scene could be even stronger.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Set the scene description with more detail: Describe the features of the storage shed in more vivid language. Highlight the darkness and the claustrophobic feel of the space. This will enhance the atmosphere and make it more engaging for the reader.

2. Give more insight into Clarice's thoughts and emotions: Add internal dialogue or reactions from Clarice as she navigates through the narrow opening and deals with snagging her thigh. This will help the reader connect with her character on a deeper level.

3. Create more suspense and tension: Build up the scurrying musical notes and make the moment when Clarice discovers the piano more intense. Maybe have the noise cease suddenly, leaving her even more unsettled. This will heighten the sense of danger and mystery.

4. Add sensory details: Describe the musty smell, the feeling of cobwebs sticking to Clarice's skin, and the taste of dust in the air. These details will transport the reader into the shed and make the scene more immersive.

5. Develop Mr. Yow's character: Consider adding more interaction between Clarice and Mr. Yow. This will give the reader a better sense of their relationship and create more opportunity for dialogue and dynamic between the characters.

6. Enhance the reveal of the car: Slow down the pacing of the scene leading up to the discovery of the car. Allow Clarice to take in her surroundings more before shining her flashlight on the car. This will create anticipation and make the moment more impactful.

7. Fine-tune the descriptions of the vintage car: Add more detailed descriptions of the car's features and condition, highlighting its beauty and rarity. This will help establish its significance to the story.

8. Use stronger language to describe Clarice's discovery: Choose specific and evocative language to create a vivid image of the woman's legs and the subsequent reveal of the mannequin and severed head. This will create a stronger emotional response from the reader.

9. Strengthen Clarice's reaction: Expand on Clarice's initial shock and horror at the discovery. Explore her immediate physical and emotional responses in more detail to make the scene more intense and disturbing.

10. Consider adding a cliffhanger: End the scene on a shocking note or revelation that leaves the reader wanting more. This will increase their investment in the story and encourage them to keep reading.

By implementing these suggestions, you can improve the scene and create a more engaging and compelling moment in your screenplay.



Scene 9 - Negotiations and Revelations
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. DR. LECTER'S CELL AND CORRIDOR - NIGHT (DIM LIGHT)

On a noiseless TV screen, an evangelist rants, waving his
arms. Behind him, a swaying choir in gaudy robes.

CLARICE (O.S.)
It's an anagram, isn't it, Doctor?

PAN TO Clarice, with her wet hair plastered flat, sitting
on the corridor floor to one side of this TV, which has
been stationed so that Dr. Lecter cannot avoid seeing it.

CLARICE
Hester Mofet... "The rest of me." Miss
The-Rest-of-Me... Meaning, you rented
that place.
27.


HER POV

he's lost in shadows; we can't see him. He doesn't respond.

CUTTING BETWEEN THEM

Clarice and the darkened call - as she tries again.

CLARICE
You put those - things in there. Paid
for it in advance, ten years ago...
Why, Dr. Lecter?

The food carrier suddenly SWISHES out of the cell, making
her jump up. In its tray is a clean, folded white towel.
She hesitates, then crosses, takes this.

CLARICE
(continuing)
Thank you.

She sits again, rubbing her wet hair. When he finally
speaks, he's on the floor, too - a deeper, hunching
darkness in the shadows, occasionally striped by the
flickering TV light.

DR. LECTER
Your bleeding has stopped.

CLARICE
How did -
(she stops herself)
It's nothing. A scratch.

DR. LECTER
Why don't you ask me about Buffalo
Bill?

CLARICE
(surprised, a beat)
Why? Do you know something about him?

DR. LECTER
I might if I saw the case file. You
could get that for me.

CLARICE
Why don't you tell me about "Miss
Mofet?" You wanted me to find him. Or
do I have to wait for the lab?
28.


DR. LECTER
(sighs)
His real name is Benjamin Raspail. A
former patient of mine, whose romantic
attachments ran to, shall we say, the
exotic...? I didn't kill him, merely
tucked him away. Very much as I found
him, in that ridiculous car, in his
own garage, after he's missed three
appointments. You'd have him under
"Missing Person" - which, in poor
Raspail's case, could hardly be more
true.

CLARICE
If you didn't kill him, then who did?

DR. LECTER
Who can say...? Best thing for him,
really. His therapy was going nowhere.

CLARICE
Wouldn't it have been easier to just
leave him for the police to find?

DR. LECTER
And have them clomping about in my
life? Oh dear, no... At that time I
still had certain private amusements
of my own.
(beat)
How did you feel when you saw him,
Clarice? May I call you Clarice?

CLARICE
Scared, at first. Then - exhilarated.

DR. LECTER
Ahhh... Why?

CLARICE
Because you weren't wasting my time.

DR. LECTER
Do you have something you use, when
you need to get up your courage?
Memories, tableaux... scenes from your
early life?

CLARICE
I don't know. Next time I'll have to
check.
29.


DR. LECTER
Jack Crawford is helping your career,
isn't he? Apparently he likes you. And
you like him, too.

CLARICE
I never thought about it.

DR. LECTER
Your first lie to me, Clarice. How
sad. Tell me -do you think Crawford
wants you, sexually? True, he's much
older, but - do you think he
visualizes... scenarios, exchanges...?
Fucking you?

CLARICE
That doesn't interest me, Doctor. And
it's the sort of thing Miggs would ask.

DR. LECTER
Not anymore.
(beat)
Surely the odd confluence of events
hasn't escaped you, Clarice. Crawford
dangles you before me. Then I give you
a bit of help. Do you think it's
because I like to look at you, and
imagine how good you would taste...?

CLARICE
I don't know. Is it?

DR. LECTER
Or doesn't this all begin to suggest
to you a kind of... negotiation?
There's something Crawford can give
me, and I want to trade for it. I even
wrote to him, offering my help. But he
hates me, so he won't deal directly.

Dr. Lecter slowly turns up the rheostat in his cell. As
his lights rise, we see that the cell's been stripped
bare. Gone are his books, drawings, mattress - even his
toilet seat. She stands, too, startled. They face each
other.

DR. LECTER
(continuing)
Punishment, you see. For Miggs. Just
like that gospel program. When you
leave, they'll turn the volume way up.
Chilton does enjoy his petty torments.
30.


CLARICE
Who killed Raspail, Doctor...? You
know, don't you?

DR. LECTER
I've been in this room for eight
years, Clarice. I know they will
never, ever let me out while I'm
alive. What I want is a view. I want
a window where I can see a tree, or
even water. I want to be in a federal
institution, away from Chilton - and
I want a view. I'll give good value
for it. Crawford could do that for me,
but he won't. You persuade him.

CLARICE
(almost a whisper)
Who killed your patient?

DR. LECTER
Oh, a very naughty boy. Someone you
and Jack Crawford are most anxious to
meet.

CLARICE
Buffalo Bill...?
(incredulous)
Bill killed him, all those years
ago...? That's impossible.

But Dr. Lecter only smiles, enigmatically.

DR. LECTER
Who is he stalking right now, Clarice?
I wonder, don't you? How many more
young women will have to die, before
you trade with me...?

As Clarice stares at him, unsure how to respond -

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama","Crime"]

Summary Clarice confronts Dr. Lecter about the murder of Benjamin Raspail, and learns that Buffalo Bill is responsible. Dr. Lecter reveals his desire for a window and asks Clarice to persuade Crawford to grant him this. The scene ends with the implication that more young women will be killed if Clarice doesn't make a deal with Dr. Lecter.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue between Clarice and Dr. Lecter
  • Revelations about Buffalo Bill
  • Implication of high stakes and urgency
Weaknesses
  • Some scenes of the TV evangelist may feel distracting
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene as follows:

1. Dialogue: The dialogue in this scene is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. The conversation between Clarice and Dr. Lecter is filled with tension and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the scene.

2. Description: The description of the setting and the characters' actions is clear and concise. It effectively sets the mood of the scene and creates a visual picture for the reader.

3. Pacing: The pacing of the scene is well done. The back-and-forth dialogue between Clarice and Dr. Lecter keeps the scene moving and maintains the audience's interest.

4. Characterization: The dialogue and actions of the characters reveal their personalities and motivations effectively. Clarice's determination and intelligence come through in her questioning, while Dr. Lecter's manipulative nature is evident in his responses.

5. Conflict: The scene creates conflict between Clarice and Dr. Lecter as they try to gain information from each other. The tension and power dynamics between the two characters add depth to the scene.

Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. It effectively advances the plot and reveals key information about the characters and their motivations. With some minor improvements, such as adding more visual details and tightening up the dialogue, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. However, here are a few suggestions to enhance it:

1. Visual Description: Provide more specific visual descriptions to help set the tone and atmosphere of the scene. For example, instead of just saying "DIM LIGHT," you could describe the flickering shadows, the dimly lit corridor, and the eerie glow of the TV screen.

2. Action and Movement: Incorporate more physical action and movement between Clarice and Dr. Lecter. This can create a sense of tension and dynamic interaction. For instance, you can describe their body language, gestures, or reactions to each other's words.

3. Dialogue: While the dialogue is sharp, consider adding more subtext and layers of meaning to their conversation. Explore the characters' motivations and desires that are not overtly expressed. This can add depth to the scene and provide more insight into their relationship.

4. Clarice's Emotional State: Show more of Clarice's internal emotions as she interacts with Dr. Lecter. You can describe her reactions, thoughts, or conflicting feelings to emphasize her vulnerability, determination, or fear.

5. Break up Long Dialogue Exchanges: Break up long dialogue exchanges with shorter beats of action or description. This can provide visual breaks and prevent the scene from feeling overly static.

6. Visual Transition: Use a visual transition or a cinematic technique to enhance the transition between scenes. This can help maintain the flow and pacing of the script.

Remember that these suggestions are subjective, and ultimately, the decisions on how to improve the scene rest with your creative vision for the story.



Scene 10 - Abduction
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. CATHERINE MARTIN'S APARTMENT - MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE -
NIGHT

CATHERINE MARTIN takes a long toke from a bong pipe. She
is 21, a tall, big-boned, rather fleshy girl with long
brown fair. Her head is on the lap of her boyfriend, CODY;
they're sprawled on a couch in the den of her well-
furnished apartment. The TV in on, with low SOUND.
31.


CATHERINE
This stuff's givin' me the munchies.
Where's that bag of popcorn?

CODY
Shit. Left the groceries in the car.

He starts to rise, but she pushes him back.

CATHERINE
'S okay, I'll go.

She rises, goes out the front door.

CUT TO:

EXT. PARKING LOT - THE APARTMENT COMPLEX - NIGHT

Catherine straightens, with her bag of groceries, shutting
her car's back door. She sees, a short distance away -

A MAN

standing at the open rear door of a brown panel truck. His
right forearm is in a cast and sling; he is struggling,
unsuccessfully, to hoist an armchair into the truck.
Parked nearby, other cars, RVs, a boat on a trailer. A
thin, breast-high fog fills the lot; arc lights make
yellow pools.

Catherine hesitates, then crosses towards the man.

CATHERINE
Help you with that?

MAN
Would you? Thanks.

His voice is odd, strained, very soft. A fog lamp, set on
end on the ground, distorts his features from below. We
can't get a good glimpse of his face, but his body is
plump, above average height; he's in his mid 30's. She
sets down the bag, then together they easily lift the
chair into the truck.

MAN (O.S.)
Let's slide it up, you mind?

CUT TO:
32.


INT. THE PANEL TRUCK - NIGHT

He climbs inside the truck, ducking under a small hand
winch, and grabs the chair. She hesitates again, but
climbs in after him; together they slide the chair
forward, behind the seats.

MAN
Are you about a size 14?

CATHERINE
(surprised)
What?

Suddenly, in the shadowy dark, he clubs her over the back
of her head with his cast. She moans, slumps unconscious,
sliding off the armchair to lie on her stomach. He pulls
off his cast and sling, tosses them aside, then hops out
of the truck, grabs his lamp, climbs back inside, and
pulls the door shut. He bends over her face with the lamp.
We hear her shallow BREATHING.

MAN
Good.

He peels back the collar of her blouse, reading the size
tag.

MAN
(continuing)
Good.

He carefully slits her blouse up the back, with a pair of
bandage scissors, peeling apart the two halves. There's no
bra strap. He strokes her bare skin delicately, very
happily.

MAN
(continuing)
Gooood...

CUT TO:

EXT. THE PARKING LOT - NIGHT

LOW ANGLE - CLOSE - on Catherine's grocery bag, as her
blouse is tossed out beside it. SOUND of the truck's motor
starting. The truck backs up, one rear wheel knocking over
the bag, partly squashing it. Then is drives away,
taillights shrinking, as a lone orange rolls slowly away
from the bag...

DISSOLVE TO:
33.


INT. FBI ACADEMY CLASSROOM - QUANTICO - DAY

CLOSE ON a large video screen, where a BLURRY image
gradually sharpens, resolving into two separate pieces of
fabric.

INSTRUCTOR (O.S.)
Electron microscopy reveals fiber
"signatures" that are nearly as
distinct as fingerprints...

Clarice sits at a long table, with other trainees. Ardelia
is beside her. Other tables and students in the
background. Each trainee has his own microscope. Clarice
is tired, but straightens, hearing -

INSTRUCTOR (O.S.)
(continuing)
Both of these blouses were worn by
victims of Buffalo Bill. They were
found in two different states, and
four months apart. He always slits
them up the back, like a funeral
suit...

ON THE SCREEN

successively CLOSER VIEWS of the cut fabric edges, until
we are seeing individual threads, big as tree limbs. The
cuts match.

INSTRUCTOR (O.S.)
The bunching you see - this
compression - is characteristic of
scissor cuts, rather than a single
blade. And, as you see - Bill always
uses the same pair...

ANGLE ON THE DOOR

as John Brigham, the gunnery instructor, sticks his head
in.

BRIGHAM
Clarice Starling! Are you in here?

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY - CLASSROOM BUILDING - DAY

Clarice and Brigham walk briskly down the hall, passing
other trainees. He carries a small canvas bag.
34.


BRIGHAM
Get your field gear, take stuff for
overnight. You're goin' with Crawford.

CLARICE
Where?

BRIGHAM
Some fishermen in West Virginia found
an unidentified girl's body. It's a
Buffalo Bill-type situation. Been in
the water about a week, and Jack needs
somebody that can print a floater.
Think you can handle it?

CLARICE
(thinking quickly)
I'll need the big fingerprint kit...
and the one-to-one Polaroid, the CU-5,
with film packs and batteries.

CUT TO:
Genres: []

Summary Catherine Martin is abducted by a mysterious man pretending to need help. He knocks her unconscious and takes her to his truck.
Strengths
    Weaknesses
      Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively establishes the setting and introduces the characters. The dialogue is natural and helps to move the plot forward. It also creates tension and foreshadows the danger that Catherine Martin will soon face.

      One suggestion for improvement would be to provide more specific details about the characters' appearances and actions to help readers visualize the scene better. For example, instead of simply describing Catherine as tall and big-boned, it would be helpful to include specific details such as her clothing or physical mannerisms. Additionally, when the man clubs Catherine over the back of her head, it would be impactful to describe the action in more detail to highlight the suddenness and violence of the event.

      Furthermore, it would be beneficial to include more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and engage the reader's senses. For example, describing the smell of the marijuana smoke in Catherine's apartment or the sound of her footsteps in the parking lot would help to create a more immersive experience for the reader.

      Overall, this scene effectively sets the stage for the suspense and danger that will follow, but a few tweaks to the descriptions and sensory details would make it even stronger.
      Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

      1. Develop the characters: Provide more specific descriptions of Catherine and Cody to give them more depth and make them more memorable to the audience. Additionally, consider adding more dialogue or action that shows their personalities and their relationship.

      2. Set the mood: Add more details about the atmosphere in Catherine's apartment to create a specific atmosphere. Describe the lighting, decorations, and any other elements that contribute to the overall mood of the scene.

      3. Strengthen the dialogue: Consider adding some subtext to the dialogue between Catherine and Cody to make it more interesting and revealing about their relationship. For example, they could talk about something unrelated to the popcorn, hinting at their shared history or secrets.

      4. Clarify the location: Provide a clearer description of the parking lot and the surroundings to help visualize the scene better.

      5. Build tension: Add more suspense and tension leading up to the climax of the scene. Use actions, sounds, or dialogue to foreshadow the imminent danger that Catherine is about to face.

      6. Show character reactions: Show Catherine's initial hesitation or uneasiness when approaching the man in the parking lot. This can build tension and make the audience feel more invested in her safety.

      7. Improve pacing: Consider condensing some of the action or dialogue to make the scene more concise and engaging. For example, you can remove some of the unnecessary dialogue tags or streamline the action of Catherine and the man loading the armchair.

      8. Create visual contrasts: Use visual cues, such as the yellow pools of light and thin fog in the parking lot, to create contrasting elements that enhance the atmosphere and make the scene visually interesting.

      9. Enhance the impact of the attack: Instead of stating that the man hits Catherine over the head, consider finding a way to visually represent the attack on screen. This can make the scene more intense and memorable.

      10. Improve the transition: Consider finding a smoother transition between this scene and the next scene at the FBI Academy. This can help maintain the flow of the screenplay and keep the audience engaged.



      Scene 11 - Preparation and Revelation
      • Overall: 9.0
      • Concept: 8
      • Plot: 9
      • Characters: 8
      • Dialogue: 7
      INT. BRIGHAM'S JEEP CHEROKEE - DAY (DRIVING)

      Brigham steers as they pass hangars, parked planes, an
      airstrip. Clarice holds a big fingerprint kit and a
      weekend bag.

      BRIGHAM
      Jack's pretty tough on you, isn't he?
      Impatient...

      CLARICE
      Sometimes.

      BRIGHAM
      He's got a lot on his mind besides
      Buffalo Bill... His wife, Bella, is
      real sick. Comatose... I'm tellin' you
      about it now, 'cause he may never.

      Clarice absorbs this in silence as they stop near an
      ancient, rather dilapidated Beechcraft. Its door is open,
      the twin props and beacons already turning. Brigham turns
      to her, holding out his small canvas bag.

      BRIGHAM
      (continuing)
      You're goin' in the field, so you
      gotta have full kit. Take this - it's
      my own...
      35.


      Clarice opens the bag, stares at the big blue gun nestled
      in its shoulder holster. She looks up at him, touched.

      BRIGHAM
      (continuing)
      Wear it, don't ever leave it in your
      purse. Dry fire it whenever you get
      the chance. And do your exercises.

      CLARICE
      I will... I promise.

      BRIGHAM
      Listen, I hope you never need a thing
      I've taught you. But you've got
      something... Jack sees it, I do too.
      If you ever need to, you can shoot.

      She nods, climbs out. Then she looks back in at him.
      They're both moved by this rite of passage, but a little
      embarrassed.

      BRIGHAM
      (continuing)
      Bless you, Starling...

      CUT TO:

      INT. BEECHCRAFT PLANE - DAY (FLYING)

      CLARICE'S POV - Out the plane's window, at the landscape
      far below. Wisps of cloud, a quilt of farms.

      Clarice turns from the window, looks at a think folder in
      her lap. The cover reads "Case File: / BUFFALO BILL."
      Clarice is moody, distracted. She hesitates, then opens
      the file, begins to scan.

      INSERTS - HER POV

      Police forms, some handwritten... Typed lab reports; we
      catch words, phrases: "Autopsy Protocols", "Histamine
      Analysis"... Grainy enlargements of bullet slugs, showing
      matched grooves... And then a stack of victim photos. The
      first one, taken from a good distance away, shows a nude
      female body, face down on a pebbly riverbank, surrounded
      by bits of litter.

      Clarice hesitates again, then flips this photo to look at
      the next. It makes her flinch, just slightly. Quickly she
      turns through several more photographs, trying hard to
      concentrate.
      36.


      CRAWFORD (O.S.)
      He keeps them alive for three days.

      NEW ANGLE

      shows Crawford standing over her, swaying with the plane's
      motion. Behind him, the open cockpit door, the pilot's
      back. Crawford sits, removing sunglasses. He rubs his eyes.

      CRAWFORD
      Why, we don't yet know... There's no
      evidence of rape or physical abuse
      prior to death. All the mutilation you
      see there is post-mortem.
      (a beat; he glances
      at her)
      I'm hot, are you hot? Bobby, it's too
      damned hot back here...

      The pilot adjusts a valve. Crawford turns to her again.

      CRAWFORD
      (continuing)
      So. Three days. Then he shoots them,
      skins them -usually just the torsos -
      and dumps them. Each body in a
      different river, in a different state,
      downstream from an interstate
      highway. The water leaves us no
      fingerprints, fibers, DNA fluids - no
      trace evidence at all. That's Fredrica
      Bimmel, the first one...

      A COLOR PHOTO - IN CLARICE'S HANDS

      shows a pretty, plump-cheeked brunette, in her high school
      graduation cap and gown. She smiles at us with touching
      optimism.

      CRAWFORD (O.S.)
      A big girl, like all the rest. Went
      about 160... Her corpse was the only
      one he took the trouble to weight
      down, so actually, she was the third
      girl found. After her, he got lazy...

      NEW ANGLE

      as Clarice stares at the girl's face, moved. Crawford
      pulls a map from the file, spreads it out. It shows the
      central and eastern U.S., with widely-spaced, hand-drawn
      markings.
      37.


      CRAWFORD
      Blue square for Belvedere, Ohio, where
      the Bimmel girl was abducted. Blue
      triangle where her body was found -
      down here in Missouri. Same marks for
      the other four girls, in different
      colors. This new one, today... washed
      up here.
      (he marks with a
      Flair pen)
      Elk River, in West Virginia, about six
      miles below U.S. 79. Real boonies.

      CLARICE
      There's no correlation at all between
      where they're kidnapped and where
      they're found...?
      (he shakes his head)
      What if - what if you trace the
      heaviest-traffic routes backwards from
      the dump sites? Do they converge at
      all?

      CRAWFORD
      Good idea, but he thought of it, too.
      We've run simulations, using different
      vectors and the best dates we can
      assign. You put it all in the
      computer, and smoke comes out. No,
      this one is different. Then one has
      seen us coming...

      CUT TO:
      Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

      Summary Clarice prepares for her field assignment and receives a gun from Brigham. She then boards a plane with Crawford, who reveals disturbing details about Buffalo Bill's victims. They discuss the lack of evidence and the difficulty in tracking the killer. A new victim has surfaced in West Virginia.
      Strengths "This scene effectively builds suspense and provides important information about the case and characters."
      Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue could be more concise and impactful."
      Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys important information about the characters and the case they are investigating. Here are a few specific points to consider:

      1. Dialogue: The dialogue in this scene is natural and reveals important information about the characters. It helps to establish the relationship between Brigham and Clarice, as well as providing insight into Jack Crawford's personal life.

      2. Emotional impact: The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of Clarice's transition into the field and the responsibility she is taking on. The exchange between Brigham and Clarice feels genuine and heartfelt.

      3. Visual description: The scene uses visual description to help the reader visualize the setting and actions taking place. The details about the airplane and the landscape add depth to the scene.

      4. Pacing: The scene moves at a good pace and keeps the reader engaged. The transitions between different locations and perspectives are smooth and well-executed.

      Overall, this scene effectively combines dialogue, visual description, and emotional depth to create an engaging and impactful moment in the screenplay. Well done!
      Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and establishes important information about the characters and the case they are working on. However, here are a few suggestions to consider for improvement:

      1. Clarify the dialogue: Some of the dialogue could be clarified to make the information more easily understandable for the audience. For example, in Brigham's dialogue, it could be made clearer that he is referring to Jack as impatient rather than asking Clarice if she finds Jack impatient.

      2. Show emotions more subtly: In certain parts of the scene, the emotions of the characters could be shown more subtly to avoid feeling too on-the-nose. For example, when Clarice looks at the gun in the bag, instead of saying "She looks up at him, touched," it could be shown through her facial expression or a small gesture that she is touched by the gift.

      3. Use visuals to enhance storytelling: The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling to engage the audience and create a stronger impact. For example, when describing the landscape below the plane, instead of just saying "Wisps of cloud, a quilt of farms," try to use more vivid and specific descriptions that help paint a more vivid picture for the audience.

      4. Consider pacing: The scene could benefit from a bit more variation in pacing. It could be helpful to break up the dialogue with some action lines or moments of silence to create a more dynamic flow.

      5. Clarify the timeline: Clarifying the timeline of events could help the audience better understand the case and the progression of the investigation. For example, it could be made clearer how much time has passed since Clarice received the fingerprint kit and the weekend bag from Brigham.

      6. Consider the use of flashbacks: With the use of flashbacks, you could show brief glimpses of the victims and crime scenes as the characters discuss them. This would allow the audience to visually understand the severity and importance of the case.

      Overall, these suggestions aim to enhance the clarity, emotion, and visual impact of the scene.



      Scene 12 - Revealing Secrets
      • Overall: 8.0
      • Concept: 7
      • Plot: 9
      • Characters: 8
      • Dialogue: 9
      INT. RENTAL CAR - DAY (DRIVING)

      Crawford steers, following a highway patrol car along a
      winding mountain road. Clarice has the file open on her
      lap. He glances at her, inscrutable behind his sunglasses.

      CRAWFORD
      Talk about him, Starling. Tell me what
      you see.

      CLARICE
      (choosing her words
      carefully)
      He's a white male... Serial killers
      tend to hunt within their own ethnic
      group. And he's not a drifter - he's
      got his own house, somewhere. Not an
      apartment.
      38.


      CRAWFORD
      Why?

      CLARICE
      What he does with them - takes
      privacy... Time, tools... He's in his
      30's or 40's - he's got real physical
      strength, but combined with an older
      man's self-control. He's cautious,
      precise, never impulsive... This won't
      end in suicide, like they often do.

      CRAWFORD
      Why not?

      CLARICE
      He's got a real taste for it now. And
      he's getting better at his work.

      CRAWFORD
      (a beat; impressed)
      Maybe you've got a knack for this...
      I guess we're about to find out.

      CLARICE
      (quietly, evenly)
      Like I have a "knack" for Dr. Lecter?

      He studies her a few moments, measuring her anger.

      CRAWFORD
      Okay, Starling. Let's have it.

      CLARICE
      You haven't said a word today about
      that garage. Or what I found there.

      CRAWFORD
      What should I say? You did fine work.
      We'll wait on the lab.

      CLARICE
      You knew. You knew from the start that
      Lecter held the key to this... But you
      weren't up front with me. You sent me
      in to him naked.

      CRAWFORD
      (beat)
      Are you finished?
      39.


      CLARICE
      He starts this - buzzing in me, in my
      head. He makes me feel violated... You
      used me, Mr. Crawford.

      A shadow of regret passes over his face, but he answers
      sternly.

      CRAWFORD
      Number One. Maybe there's a
      connection, maybe not. Lying and
      breathing are the same thing to
      Lecter. Number Two. If I'd sent you in
      there with something to hide from him,
      he'd have known it, instantly. He'd
      never have trusted you.

      She starts to answer, then is silent. He is right. By now
      the two cars are entering a tidy little town - tree-lined
      streets, wooden houses, one-story shops, mountains in the
      background. They slow, turn.

      CRAWFORD
      (continuing)
      Number Three, I didn't bring you along
      today just because you can do first-
      rate forensics. If Lecter is becoming
      part of this case, you've got the most
      current read on him. And Number
      Four - you don't have to like me, or
      the way I do things. But you do have
      to keep a cool head. Especially now...
      Because from here on out, you'll know
      everything I do. Are we straight on
      that?

      Clarice nods, silently; it's as close to an apology as
      she's likely to get. She stares out the windshield.

      JUST AHEAD OF THEM

      the highway patrol cruiser noses into a curb, next to
      other police cars, facing a big white frame house. Its
      sign reads "Potter Funeral Home." Two troopers climb from
      the car.

      Crawford parks too, then kills the engine. He turns to
      her, removing his sunglasses, gestures to the case file.
      40.


      CRAWFORD
      (softly)
      You think about him long enough, you
      get a feel for him... Then, if you're
      lucky, out of all the stuff you know,
      one little part of it tugs at you,
      tries to get your attention... You let
      me know when that happens, Starling.
      Live right behind your eyes, today.
      Don't try to impose any patterns on
      this guy. Just stay open and let him
      show you...

      One of the troopers, impassive in his sunglasses and hat,
      peers in through Crawford's window. Crawford nods to him,
      then turns back to Clarice.

      CRAWFORD
      (continuing)
      School's out, Starling.

      CUT TO:

      EXT. SIDEWALK OF THE FUNERAL HOME - POTTER, WEST VA. - DAY

      SOUND of organ music, as Clarice, carrying her fingerprint
      kit, mounts some steps to the sidewalk. She stops, seeing -

      COUNTRY PEOPLE

      in their somber best, filing into the mortuary for a
      service. The music - "Shall We Gather At The River?" - is
      issuing from the open double doors. Several of the
      mourners glance over at her curiously.

      ANGLE ON CLARICE

      staring back at the mourners, hearing the music, as a
      sense memory is triggered in her...

      IN FLASHBACK - LOW ANGLE, MOVING

      as we approach, down the aisle of a country chapel, an
      open wooden coffin. Sad country faces turn, looking at us
      from the flanking pews. The b.g. organ hymn is "Shall We
      Gather...?"

      THE SAD, 10 YEAR-OLD CLARICE

      in her best dress, is reluctantly approaching the casket.
      Her hands are held by the plump hands of unseen matrons.
      41.


      CHILD'S POV

      on the looming coffin... closer and closer... until
      finally she can see, lying inside it... her dead father,
      arms folded, his marshal's badge still pinned to his lapel.

      CRAWFORD (V.O.)
      Starling...?

      NEW ANGLE (PRESENT DAY)

      as the grownup Clarice turns towards the impatient
      Crawford. Like her, he carries a large case.

      CRAWFORD
      We're around back.

      CUT TO:
      Genres: ["Thriller","Crime","Mystery"]

      Summary Clarice confronts Crawford about his hidden knowledge of Lecter and expresses her anger and feeling violated. Crawford explains his reasons for keeping her in the dark and emphasizes the importance of her role in the case. They arrive at a funeral home for an investigation.
      Strengths "Tense dialogue between Clarice and Crawford, reveals more information about the case and character motivations."
      Weaknesses "Some exposition-heavy dialogue"
      Critique Overall, this scene has elements of tension and character development, but could benefit from some improvements.

      - The dialogue between Crawford and Clarice provides some insight into their characters and their working relationship. However, some of the dialogue feels a bit forced and expository, especially when they discuss the characteristics of the killer. This could be made more subtle and organic.

      - The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and action lines to enhance the tension and atmosphere. For example, describing the winding mountain road and the tension in the air as they follow the highway patrol car.

      - The flashback sequence is a powerful tool to give depth to Clarice's character, but it could be made more impactful by incorporating sensory details and emotion.

      - The last section of the scene where Clarice sees the mourners filing into the funeral home holds potential for suspense, but could be strengthened with more specific descriptions and details.

      - The transitions between settings could be smoother to avoid any confusion for the readers.

      Overall, this scene has potential, but with some improvements in the dialogue, visuals, and transitions, it could become a stronger and more engaging moment in the script.
      Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension between the characters of Crawford and Clarice. However, there are a few suggestions that could enhance the scene:

      1. Add more visual description: While the dialogue is strong, it would be beneficial to incorporate more visual description to create a stronger sense of setting and atmosphere. For example, you could describe the winding mountain road they are driving on, the surrounding scenery, and the feeling of isolation or danger.

      2. Increase the subtext: The characters' emotions and conflicts are already well-established through the dialogue, but adding more subtext could deepen the scene. This could be achieved through non-verbal cues, such as Crawford gripping the steering wheel tightly or Clarice clenching her fists. Additionally, consider adding more specific actions or movements to help bring the scene to life on screen.

      3. Strengthen the impact of the flashback: The flashback to Clarice's childhood is a powerful moment, but it could be enhanced by providing more sensory details and emotional insight. Describe how the music triggers a specific memory for Clarice and how it affects her emotionally in the present moment. This will help to connect the past and present more effectively.

      4. Vary the sentence structure: The majority of the dialogue in this scene consists of short, straightforward sentences. Introducing more varied sentence structures, such as longer sentences or fragmented thoughts, can help to create a more dynamic and engaging rhythm to the scene.

      Overall, these suggestions aim to enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene, as well as improve the pacing and flow of the dialogue. Remember, screenwriting is a collaborative process, so these suggestions should be tailored to fit the specific vision and style of the filmmaker.



      Scene 13 - Arrival at the Funeral Home
      • Overall: 7.5
      • Concept: 7
      • Plot: 8
      • Characters: 7
      • Dialogue: 7
      INT. FUNERAL HOME - BACK CORRIDOR - DAY

      A young deputy, several state troopers, and a SHERIFF are
      all waiting, as Crawford and Clarice enter. The dim,
      cluttered corridor doubles as storage space - there's a
      treadle sewing machine, a soft-drink machine, a tricycle.
      The MUSIC is closer. Crawford shakes hands with the
      sheriff.

      CRAWFORD
      Sheriff Perkins? Jack Crawford, FBI...
      This is Officer Starling. We
      appreciate your phoning us.

      SHERIFF
      (grim, unsociable)
      I didn't call you. That was somebody
      from the state attorney's office...
      'For you do a thing else, I'm gon'
      find out if this girl's local. It
      could just be somethin' that outside
      elements has dumped on us.

      He casts a sidelong, unhappy glance at Clarice.

      CRAWFORD
      Wellsir, that's where we can help. If -

      SHERIFF
      I don't even know you, Mister... Now
      we'll extend you ever courtesy, just
      soon as we can, but for right now -
      42.


      CRAWFORD
      Sheriff, this, ah - this type of sex
      crime has some aspects I'd rather
      discuss just between the two of us.
      Know what I mean?

      He indicates Clarice with his eyes. The sheriff hesitates,
      nods, then lets Crawford guide him into a small office,
      closing the door behind them. Muffled WORDS from there.

      CLARICE

      burning at this slight, is left alone with the troopers,
      who peek at her with shy curiosity. She pulls her blazer
      a bit tighter, self-conscious about her bulging shoulder
      holster.

      ANGLE ON THE OFFICE DOOR

      as, after a few more moments, the sheriff and Crawford
      emerge. The sheriff, still not very happy, addresses his
      deputy.

      SHERIFF
      Oscar, run fetch Dr. Akin from the
      chapel. And tell Lamar to come on when
      he's done playin' that music.

      CUT TO:
      Genres: ["Thriller","Crime","Mystery"]

      Summary Clarice and Crawford arrive at a funeral home to investigate a new victim. The sheriff is initially skeptical but eventually cooperates. Clarice feels self-conscious as the only female officer. They wait for Dr. Akin and Lamar to join them.
      Strengths
      • Tense atmosphere
      • Building suspense
      Weaknesses
      • Some dialogue feels repetitive
      Critique Overall, this scene effectively establishes the setting and introduces the main characters. The use of the funeral home as a location adds an interesting and somewhat eerie atmosphere. The dialogue between Crawford, Sheriff Perkins, and Clarice reveals tension and conflict, creating intrigue for the audience.

      One aspect that could be improved is the formatting and description. The scene description is brief and lacks detail, making it difficult to fully visualize the environment. Adding more specific details about the dim lighting, clutter, and overall atmosphere of the corridor could enhance the scene and immerse the reader more fully. Additionally, the use of specific camera angles or character movements could make the scene more dynamic and visually appealing.

      In terms of the dialogue, it effectively conveys the personalities and tensions between the characters. However, some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and could benefit from more subtlety. For example, instead of Sheriff Perkins explicitly stating his suspicions about Clarice being an outsider, it could be shown through his body language or reactions. This would make the scene more nuanced and allow the audience to interpret the tension for themselves.

      Another suggestion would be to add more subtext or layers to the dialogue. While the scene is straightforward in presenting the conflict between the FBI and local law enforcement, injecting some deeper underlying motives or hidden agendas could add complexity and create more intrigue.

      Overall, this scene effectively sets up the initial conflict and establishes the dynamic between the characters. By adding more descriptive details, visual elements, and subtly nuanced dialogue, the scene could be further enhanced.
      Suggestions To improve this scene, here are a few suggestions:

      1. Clarify the setting: Provide some descriptions of the funeral home's back corridor to help the reader visualize the environment. Include details that create a specific mood or atmosphere.

      2. Develop the characters: Give more depth to the young deputy, state troopers, and Sheriff Perkins. Show their reactions and emotions through their body language, facial expressions, or dialogue. This will make them more interesting and memorable to the audience.

      3. Create tension: Increase the tension between Crawford and Sheriff Perkins. Show more conflict and disagreement in their conversation. This will add excitement and make the scene more engaging.

      4. Add subtext: Explore the subtext in the dialogue between Crawford and Sheriff Perkins. Show their hidden motivations, desires, or secrets. This will add depth to their characters and make the scene more captivating.

      5. Show Clarice's emotions: Instead of just stating that she is burning at the slight, show her emotional reaction through her actions, dialogue, or facial expressions. This will make her character more relatable and allow the audience to empathize with her.

      6. Use visual cues: Use visual cues to enhance the scene, such as the tricycle or the sewing machine. These details can help reinforce the overall tone or theme of the script.

      7. Consider pacing: Evaluate the pacing of the scene and make adjustments if necessary. It should flow smoothly and keep the audience engaged without dragging or feeling rushed.

      By incorporating these suggestions, you can improve the impact and effectiveness of this scene in your movie script.



      Scene 14 - Investigating the New Victim
      • Overall: 8.0
      • Concept: 8
      • Plot: 9
      • Characters: 7
      • Dialogue: 6
      INT. EMBALMING ROOM - DAY

      Crawford, in one corner of the room, has set up a Litton
      Policefax fingerprint transmitter. SOUND of many men's low
      voices, in background. He is on the phone, and has to
      speak loudly.

      CRAWFORD
      I need a six-way linkup! Chicago,
      Detroit, Cleveland, St. Louis,
      Atlanta, and Dallas... What?... Can
      you hear me...?

      He looks around, frustrated by the noisy circus atmosphere.

      CLARICE

      is pulling on a pair of surgical gloves. She raises her
      voice, turning up her natural accent by several notches.
      43.


      CLARICE
      Gentlemen. You officers and gentlemen!
      Listen here a minute, please. There's
      things I need to do for her...

      WIDER ANGLE

      as we see that the small room is very crowded with
      deputies and troopers. They gradually fall silent, looking
      at her.

      CLARICE (O.S.)
      Y'all brought her this far, and I know
      her folks would thank you if they
      could. Now please - go on out and let
      me take care of her... Go on, now.

      The men look at one another, a little bashfully, then
      begin to to file out, whispering among themselves. As they
      go, a bright green body bag is REVEALED, tightly zipped,
      lying on a porcelain embalming table. It is almost the
      only modern object in this Victorian room, with its glass-
      paned cabinets and faded wallpaper, decorated with cabbage
      roses.

      FAVORING CRAWFORD

      as he looks at Clarice with a new degree of respect. Men
      brush by him, till finally only two are left: DR. AKIN, a
      family g.p., and LAMAR, a lean, whiskey-reddened
      mortician. SOUND of the door closing. Lamar dabs around
      his nostrils with Vicks VapoRub.

      CRAWFORD
      (on phone)
      We're starting. Tell everybody to
      stand by for fingerprint transmission.

      CLARICE

      at a side counter, has turned back to her open fingerprint
      kit. She is lifting out a camera when she hears the ZIPPER
      of the body bag being slowly opened, behind her... One
      gloved hand flies to her mouth as she reacts,
      involuntarily, to the sudden smell. She blinks at her
      reflection in the cabinet glass, then steels herself to
      turn, look at the corpse.

      CLARICE
      (pause; softly)
      Bill...
      44.


      She steadies herself by raising her camera, takes a FLASH
      photo.

      LOW ANGLE - LOOKING UP, FROM BENEATH TABLE

      as Dr. Akin gently lifts aside one of the dead girl's
      arms. A piece of fishing line, with multiple hooks, is
      still snagged around it, dangling. Crawford leans in for
      a closer look.

      DR. AKIN
      Wrongful death... She'll have to go to
      the state pathologist at Claxton when
      you're done.
      (Crawford nods)
      I better - get on back for the rest of
      that service. Lamar'll help you.
      (shaken)
      Lord almighty...

      He leaves, and Clarice leans INTO SHOT, taking another
      photo.

      CRAWFORD
      What do you see, Starling?

      CLARICE
      Well, she's not local. Her ears are
      pierced three times each, and she's
      wearing green glitter nail polish.
      Looks like town to me...

      CLOSE ANGLE

      on the calf of one of the girl's legs, as Clarice trails
      the inside of her bare wrist along the skin.

      CLARICE (O.S.)
      She waxed her legs, I think... A big
      girl, just like the others - but she
      was careful about her appearance...

      UPWARD ANGLE AGAIN

      as Lamar joins them for a closer look.

      CLARICE
      Two of the fingernails are broken off,
      and there's - dirt or grit under the
      others. She tried to claw her way
      through something... I'll scrape out
      samples after I've printed her.
      45.


      She takes another FLASH, then quickly reloads film.

      LAMAR
      Them fishhooks are set too close
      together. No wonder the Franklin boys
      was scared to say they found her.

      CLARICE
      Think they were runnin' a trotline?

      Crawford and Lamar both look at her curiously.

      CLARICE
      (continuing; to
      Crawford)
      It's a Fish and Game violation. Like
      poaching. There's a big fine.

      LAMAR
      Right... Are you from around here?

      CLARICE
      They do it lots of places.

      CRAWFORD
      Get photos of her teeth. Then we'll
      fax her fingerprints to Washington,
      try to trace her through Missing
      Persons.

      SIDE ANGLE - CLOSE ON THE DEAD GIRL'S FACE

      staring blue eyes, short reddish hair. Clarice sets the
      Polaroid, with its special attachments, against the face,
      while Lamar gently retracts the lips. Each time the camera
      FLASHES, there's a bright glow inside the cheeks.

      NEW ANGLE - CHEST HIGH

      as Clarice examines a developing print.

      CLARICE
      She's got something in her throat.

      She hands the print to Crawford; he and Lamar look at it,
      as she searches in her kit.

      LAMAR
      When a body comes out of the water,
      alots of times there's like, leaves
      and things in the mouth.
      46.


      Clarice holds up a pair of forceps. She glances at
      Crawford, who nods. She bends over, partially OUT OF SHOT,
      and after a few moments reappears, holding up a small,
      brown cylindrical object. She turns this in the air, as
      they all stare.

      CRAWFORD
      What is it - some kind of seed pod?

      LAMAR
      Nawsir, that's a bug cocoon. But how
      come that to get way down in there?
      'Less somebody shoved it in...

      Clarice and Crawford exchange a glance.

      CRAWFORD
      She'll be easier to print if we turn
      her over. Lamar, will you give me a
      hand?

      LAMAR
      Yessir, I will.

      Clarice takes a jar from her kit, carefully drops the
      cocoon inside. SOUND of the men's heavy efforts as they
      turn over the body, off screen. She seals the jar, staring
      into it at the cocoon.

      CRAWFORD (O.S.)
      Starling - what do you make of these?

      She turns to look.

      HER POV

      low on the corpse's back, over the shoulders, two neat,
      triangular patches of skin are missing.

      NEW ANGLE - TWO SHOT

      as Clarice looks at Crawford.

      CLARICE
      I don't know. I didn't see those on
      any of the other girls...

      CRAWFORD
      They weren't there. Get close-ups.

      Clarice raises her camera, leans in for another FLASH.

      CUT TO:
      47.
      Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller","Horror"]

      Summary Clarice and Crawford arrive at a funeral home to investigate a new victim. They discover strange details, such as pierced ears, green glitter nail polish, and missing patches of skin. They take photos and collect evidence, including a bug cocoon found in the victim's throat. The scene ends with Clarice taking a close-up photo of the triangular patches on the victim's back.
      Strengths "Creates suspense and intrigue, reveals new clues about the killer, advances the plot"
      Weaknesses "Dialogue could be stronger, emotional impact could be higher"
      Critique Overall, this scene is effective in establishing the setting and introducing the main characters. Here are some specific critiques:

      1. The dialogue is generally strong and serves the purpose of moving the story forward. However, there are a few moments where it feels a bit forced or expository, such as when Clarice raises her voice and emphasizes her natural accent. It could be more effective to show her frustration and determination through her actions rather than through dialogue.

      2. The description of the setting is vivid and paints a clear picture of the embalming room. However, there are a couple of instances where the writing could be tightened up to maintain a more fluid reading experience.

      3. The interaction between the characters is realistic and believable. The dynamics between Clarice, Crawford, and Lamar are established well, and their roles and relationships are clear.

      4. The revelation of the body and the details uncovered during the examination provide intrigue and hook the reader. This is a strong point in the scene.

      Overall, this scene effectively sets up the tone and direction of the story, but it could benefit from some minor tweaks to strengthen the dialogue and improve the flow of the writing.
      Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

      1. Clarify the objective: It's important to establish what Clarice's objective is in this scene. Is she trying to gather evidence or gain insight into the victim? This will help guide her interactions and actions in the scene.

      2. Incorporate visual and auditory cues: Adding specific details and sensory descriptions can enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the scene. For example, instead of just "frustrated by the noisy circus atmosphere," describe the chaos and specific sounds in the embalming room that contribute to the frustration.

      3. Strengthen character dynamics: Explore the dynamics between Crawford, Clarice, and the other characters in the room. Clarify their relationships and interactions to add depth and complexity to the scene.

      4. Increase tension and stakes: Consider raising the stakes in the scene to create more tension and conflict. This could involve adding a time constraint, complicating the investigation, or introducing an unexpected obstacle.

      5. Deepen emotional resonance: Show the emotional impact the task at hand has on Clarice and the other characters. This can be done through their reactions, gestures, or dialogue. Highlight the emotional toll the investigation takes on them.

      6. Use symbolism: Consider incorporating symbols or motifs that can be woven throughout the script. These can enhance the themes and provide visual cues for the audience. For example, the Victorian room with its faded wallpaper and glass-paned cabinets could symbolize the past or secrets lurking beneath the surface.

      7. Streamline dialogue: Consider condensing and tightening the dialogue to make it more efficient and impactful. Remove unnecessary repetitions or redundancies, ensuring each line serves a specific purpose in advancing the story or revealing character.

      8. Consider pacing and flow: Pay attention to the pacing and flow of the scene. Is it clear and easy to follow? Are the actions and reactions smooth and logical? Adjust as needed to maintain the momentum and keep the audience engaged.

      9. Enhance visual storytelling: Explore ways to enhance the visual storytelling in the scene. This could involve incorporating more visual cues, utilizing camera angles and movements, or exploring the use of lighting and color to reinforce the mood.

      10. Show the impact of discoveries: Highlight the significance of the discoveries made by Clarice and the other characters. Show their reactions and the implications of these findings for the investigation. This will help create a sense of progression and intrigue throughout the scene.

      By implementing these suggestions, the overall effectiveness of the scene can be improved, making it more engaging and impactful for the audience.



      Scene 15 - Investigating the Funeral Home
      • Overall: 9.0
      • Concept: 8
      • Plot: 9
      • Characters: 7
      • Dialogue: 6
      EXT. BACK STEPS OF THE FUNERAL HOME - DAY

      Clarice sits outside, with her head on her knees, drained.
      She looks up wanly as Lamar appears, offers her a can of
      Coke.

      CLARICE
      Thanks, I'm not thirsty.

      LAMAR
      No, hold it under your chin, there,
      and on your temples. Cold'll make you
      feel better. It does me.

      She smiles, touched, and takes the can. When Lamar sees
      Crawford coming outside, he tactfully departs. Crawford
      sits beside her; there's a brief silence. She soothes
      herself with the can.

      CRAWFORD
      When I told that sheriff we shouldn't
      talk in front of a woman, that really
      burned you, didn't it?
      (she is silent)
      That was just smoke, Starling, I had
      to get rid of him. You did well in
      there.

      CLARICE
      It matters, Mr. Crawford... Other cops
      know who you are. They look at you to
      see how to act... It matters.

      CRAWFORD
      (beat)
      Point taken.

      She looks at him a moment, then offers the can. He opens
      it.

      CRAWFORD
      (continuing)
      When we get back, I want you to run
      that bug by the Smithsonian, see if
      they can identify it. Maybe it's got
      some limited range, or it only breeds
      at certain times of year... You found
      it, Starling, you deserve the credit.
      48.


      CLARICE
      I'm wondering if he's done that
      before - placed a cocoon, or an
      insect. It would be easy to miss in an
      autopsy, especially with a floater...
      Can we check back on that?

      CRAWFORD
      (shakes his head)
      The other girls are in the ground.
      Exhumations are upsetting for the
      families. I'll do it if I have to,
      but -

      CLARICE
      Then have the lab check Raspail's head.
      (he looks at her)
      Dr. Lecter's patient - have them probe
      his soft-palette tissues... They'll
      find another cocoon.

      CRAWFORD
      You seem pretty sure of that.

      CLARICE
      Raspail was killed by the same man
      who's killing these girls. And Lecter
      knows him. Maybe even treated him...
      You think so, too, don't you? Or you'd
      never have sent me to that asylum.

      He looks at her for a moment, then sips again.

      CRAWFORD
      Before we caught him, Lecter had a big
      psychiatric practice in Baltimore. But
      he travelled all over the country -
      teaching, consulting... Christ, even
      testifying in murder trials. Who knows
      how many potential psychos he turned
      loose, just for the fun of it...?

      DISSOLVE TO:

      INT. MR. GUMB'S CELLAR - DAY (DIM LIGHT)

      A shadowy male figure looks down at us, leaning over the
      edge of a deep hole. He holds a little white poodle in his
      arms, stroking it. This is MR. GUMB, aka "Buffalo Bill."
      49.


      MR. GUMB
      (softly)
      Rub the cream on your skin. Rub it in
      gooood...

      CATHERINE MARTIN

      looks up at him. She is standing on the cement bottom of
      the pit, or oubliette, about 15 feet below floor level.
      The pit is bare, except for a futon and a plastic toilet
      bucket, from which a thin string rises up to the basement.
      She's soaking wet, in an orange jumpsuit, and holds a
      squeeze bottle of skin lotion. She struggles to sound calm.

      CATHERINE
      Mister... my family will pay cash.
      Whatever ransom you're askin' for,
      they -

      REVERSE ANGLE - UP TOWARDS MR. GUMB

      MR. GUMB
      Rub it in! Or you'll get the hose
      again.

      The little dog squirms in his arms, BARKING excitedly.

      MR. GUMB
      (continuing)
      Yes, it will, Precious, won't it? It
      will get the hose!

      SIDE ANGLE - AT PIT BOTTOM

      as Catherine kneels, turning slightly away from him.

      CATHERINE
      (under her breath)
      Oh God... oh God...

      She unzips her jumpsuit, part-way, then squeezes some of
      the lotion onto a palm. She reaches inside her suit, rubs
      it on.

      CATHERINE
      (continuing)
      Mister, if you let me go, I won't
      press charges, I promise. You've only
      has me here a couple days, and -

      MR. GUMB (O.S.)
      No. Just one day...
      50.


      CATHERINE
      Is that all...? See - see, my mom is
      a real important woman... Well, I
      guess you already know that. She'll
      pay you, no questions asked. Whatever
      cause you represent - Iran,
      Palestine - she'll see that -

      A sudden blinding glare of light silences her. She looks
      up, shielding her eyes.

      HER POV

      a floodlamp is descending, attached to a small basket.

      MR. GUMB
      Put the bottle in the basket. No funny
      business, or you'll be sorry...

      NEW ANGLE - CATHERINE

      as the basket stops, and she steadies it. But as she slips
      the bottle in, she sees something, O.S., just at the
      fringe of the light. She hesitates, looks closer... then
      begins to scream, hysterically, again and again. Her
      outflung hand hits the lamp, and in its swaying glare, we
      see - high on the concrete walls, all around her -

      BLOODY FINGER TRACKS

      dried now, brownish - left by many pairs of frenzied
      hands...

      CUT TO:
      Genres: ["Crime","Thriller","Horror"]

      Summary Clarice and Crawford arrive at a funeral home to investigate a new victim. They discover strange details, such as pierced ears, green glitter nail polish, and missing patches of skin. They take photos and collect evidence, including a bug cocoon found in the victim's throat.
      Strengths "Tension-building dialogue, introduction of new plot details, suspenseful ending"
      Weaknesses "Some dialogue feels exposition-heavy"
      Critique Overall, this scene is effective in building tension and developing the relationship between Clarice and Crawford. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

      Firstly, the physical actions of the characters could be described in more detail. This would help to enhance the visual imagery and make the scene more engaging for the reader. For example, instead of simply stating that Clarice takes the can of Coke, describe how she reaches out her hand, the sound of the can opening, etc.

      Additionally, the dialogue could be tightened up to make it more concise and impactful. For example, instead of the back-and-forth between Clarice and Crawford discussing the bug and the cocoon, they could quickly agree on the plan and move on to the next topic. This would help to maintain the momentum of the scene.

      Furthermore, the transition between the dialogue on the steps of the funeral home and the scene in Mr. Gumb's cellar could be smoother. Consider using a more seamless transition or a visual cue to connect the two scenes, rather than abruptly cutting to the next location.

      Finally, while the description of the cellar scene is vivid and sets a creepy tone, there could be more focus on the emotional state of Catherine Martin. Describe her fear, desperation, and the toll that her captivity has taken on her. This would help to create a stronger connection between the audience and her character.

      Overall, this scene has the potential to be engaging and suspenseful, but could benefit from some minor adjustments to enhance the visuals, tighten the dialogue, and strengthen the emotional impact.
      Suggestions - Consider adding more visual and sensory details to set the mood and atmosphere of the scene. For example, you can describe the weather, the sounds of the surroundings, and any specific physical sensations the characters experience.
      - Develop the emotional journey of Clarice and Lamar more. Show more of their interaction and their feelings towards each other.
      - Instead of simply stating that Clarice smiles, show her reaction and the emotions behind it through her body language and facial expressions.
      - Add more subtext to the conversation between Crawford and Clarice. Explore the underlying tension and emotions between the two characters.
      - Show more of Clarice's investigative skills and deductive reasoning, rather than simply telling the reader what she wants to check or search for.
      - Consider using more concise and impactful dialogue that reveals character traits and advances the plot more efficiently.
      - Consider adding suspense and tension to the scene in Mr. Gumb's cellar. Use more descriptive language to highlight the dangerous and eerie atmosphere.
      - Show Catherine's desperation and fear more vividly, by describing her physical appearance, her actions, and her internal thoughts.
      - Set up a strong visual contrast between the back steps of the funeral home and the cellar scene to create a more dynamic and engaging transition.



      Scene 16 - Investigating the Victim
      • Overall: 9.0
      • Concept: 8
      • Plot: 9
      • Characters: 8
      • Dialogue: 7
      INT.CLARICE'S DORM ROOM - FBI ACADEMY - DAWN

      Clarice is at her desk, exercising her right hand with the
      grip flexer, while simultaneously studying a thick law
      book. Ardelia sticks her head in the door, excited.

      ARDELIA
      You better come see this.

      CUT TO:

      INT. RECREATION ROOM - FBI ACADEMY - DAWN

      CLOSE ON a TV screen, filled with a photo of Catherine
      Martin.
      51.


      TV ANCHOR (V.O.)
      ... was listed at first simply as a
      missing person, but is now believed to
      have been kidnapped by the serial
      killer known only as "Buffalo Bill."

      The photo disappears, replaced by the TV ANCHOR himself.

      TV ANCHOR
      Memphis Police sources indicate that
      the missing girl's blouse has been
      identified, sliced up the back, in
      what has become a kind of grim calling
      card. Young Catherine Martin, as we've
      said, is the only daughter of U.S.
      Senator Ruth Martin -

      CLARICE

      looks at Ardelia, surprised. Other trainees are drifting
      into the rec room, some whispering among themselves.
      Clarice stares back at the TV intently.

      TV ANCHOR (O.S.)
      ... the Republican junior senator from
      Tennessee. And while her kidnapping is
      not at this point considered to be
      politically motivated, nevertheless it
      has stirred the government -

      BACK ON THE TV ANCHOR

      TV ANCHOR
      ... to its highest levels, the
      president himself being said to be,
      and I quote, "intensely concerned."
      Just moments ago, Senator Martin made
      this dramatic personal plea...

      SENATOR MARTIN (TV FOOTAGE)

      fills the screen, in a halo of lens flare, as she speaks
      to a jostling crowd of reporters on the front steps of her
      Georgetown home. A tall woman, late 40's, with a strong,
      taut face.

      SEN. MARTIN
      I'm speaking now to the person who is
      holding my daughter. Her name is
      Catherine... You have the power to let
      Catherine go, unharmed. She's very
      gentle and kind - talk to her and
      you'll see. Her name is Catherine...
      52.


      Clarice is moved by what she sees. Other trainees are all
      around her.

      CLARICE
      (whispers)
      Boy, is that smart...

      ARDELIA
      Why does she keep repeating the name?

      CLARICE
      Somebody's coaching her... They're
      trying to make him see Catherine as a
      person - not just an object.

      ON THE TV AGAIN

      SEN. MARTIN
      You have a chance to show the whole
      world that you can be merciful, as
      well as strong. Please - I beg you -
      release my Catherine...

      NEW FOOTAGE

      as we see (NIGHT, TELEPHOTO) - a taped-off section of
      Catherine's parking lot. Technicians, with instruments,
      are kneeling by the crushed grocery bag.

      2ND TV ANCHOR (V.O.)
      Meanwhile. in Memphis, the
      investigation continued throughout the
      night, as state and local authorities
      were joined at the kidnap scene by
      agents of the FBI...

      MOVING ANGLE (STILL TV FOOTAGE)

      as Jack Crawford is seen striding towards the front door
      of Catherine's apartment, followed by Burroughs and other
      agents. One of them moves quickly towards the CAMERA,
      waving it back.

      REC ROOM ANGLE - FAVORING ARDELIA

      as the other trainees send up a brief, ironic cheer. But
      Ardelia turns sympathetically towards the troubled Clarice.
      53.


      ARDELIA
      I don't know whether to say "I'm
      sorry," or "Congratulations." But
      girl? - you just went prime time.

      CUT TO:

      EXT. SMITHSONIAN - MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY - DAY

      The massive Victorian building looms over Constitution
      Avenue. Clarice quickly mounts the steps, carrying a small
      plastic box.

      CRAWFORD
      I don't think he knew that she's a
      Senator's child. She's a big girl,
      Starling, like all the rest. We're
      going on the theory she was randomly
      targeted by size...

      CUT TO:

      INT. MUSEUM CORRIDOR - DAY

      Clarice, now accompanied by a museum guard, walks through
      an eerie landscape of dinosaur bones - crouching skeletons
      with blank eye sockets, gaping fangs.

      CRAWFORD (V.O.)
      By now, Bill's had her for 36 hours.
      That leaves us just 36 more, before he
      kills her... But maybe, just maybe,
      Starling, we caught a real break this
      time - thanks to you.
      (beat)
      We found another bug, in Raspail's
      head.

      CUT TO:
      Genres: ["Thriller","Crime"]

      Summary Clarice and Crawford arrive at a funeral home to investigate a new victim. They discover strange details, such as pierced ears, green glitter nail polish, and missing patches of skin. They take photos and collect evidence, including a bug cocoon found in the victim's throat. The scene ends with Clarice taking a close-up photo of the triangular patches on the victim's back.
      Strengths
      • Intense tone
      • Strong suspense
      • Intriguing details
      Weaknesses
      • Dialogue could be stronger
      Critique Overall, this scene effectively establishes the inciting incident of the story, which is the kidnapping of Catherine Martin and the subsequent involvement of Clarice and the FBI. The dialogue is engaging and helps to build tension and intrigue. The scene also sets up Senator Martin as a sympathetic character and highlights the stakes of the situation.

      However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The transition between Clarice's dorm room and the recreation room at the FBI Academy is somewhat abrupt and could be smoother. Additionally, the description of the TV news anchors could be more vivid and specific, providing more details about their appearance or demeanor. This would help to better characterize the news anchors and make the scene more visually engaging.

      Furthermore, the dialogue between Clarice and Ardelia could be expanded to include more of their thoughts and reactions to the information they are receiving. This would give more insight into their characters and their relationship.

      Finally, the transition from the TV footage to the conversation between Clarice and Ardelia could be smoother, perhaps by including a brief description of their changing positions or actions.

      Overall, this scene effectively introduces the central conflict of the story and establishes the emotional impact on the characters. With a few small improvements, it would be even more engaging for the audience.
      Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the important information and emotions. Here are a few suggestions to further improve it:

      1. Clarify the location: At the beginning of the scene, it's not clear where Ardelia sticks her head in. Adding a brief description of Clarice's dorm room, such as "INT. CLARICE'S DORM ROOM - FBI ACADEMY - DAWN," would help orient the reader.

      2. Visual cues: Add more visual cues to enhance the imagery and immerse the reader in the scene. For example, describe the appearance of Clarice's desk, the thickness of the law book, or the expressions on Clarice and Ardelia's faces as they watch the TV.

      3. Character reactions: Show more of Clarice's reaction to the news on the TV. How is she affected emotionally? Does her grip on the flexer tighten, or does her expression change? This will allow the reader to better connect with her character and emphasize the gravity of the situation.

      4. Dialogue improvements: Consider adding more dialogue exchanges to provide additional insights and depth to the characters. For example, have Clarice and Ardelia discuss their thoughts and feelings about the abduction or their reactions to Senator Martin's plea. This will add more layers to the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.

      5. Transition between scenes: Include a smooth transition between the dorm room scene and the recreation room scene. For example, instead of directly cutting to the recreation room, you could write "FOLLOW ARDELIA as she leads Clarice towards the recreation room" or use a simple transition line like "LATER" before the new scene heading.

      6. Descriptive language: Use vivid and engaging language when describing Senator Martin's appearance and her plea on TV. This will help create a more memorable and impactful visual for the reader.

      By implementing these suggestions, you can enhance the scene and make it even more compelling for the audience.



      Scene 17 - Investigating the Victim
      • Overall: 9.0
      • Concept: 8
      • Plot: 9
      • Characters: 7
      • Dialogue: 6
      INT. MUSEUM OFFICE - DAY

      CLOSE ON an live, enormous, rhinoceros beetle, as it
      weaves its clumsy way among the men on a chessboard,
      before finally stepping off the edge, onto a lettuce leaf.

      RODEN (V.O.)
      Time, Pilch! My move.

      PILCHER (V.O.)
      No fair! You lured him with produce.
      54.


      WIDER ANGLE

      shows two entomologists, both 30ish, hunched over the
      board. RODEN is a pudgy redhead; PILCHER is lean, quite
      handsome.

      RODEN
      Tough noogies! It's still my turn.

      CLARICE (O.S.)
      If the beetle moves one of your men,
      does that count?

      They look up, delighted to see Clarice in the doorway.
      Both men are hopelessly smitten by her.

      RODEN
      Of course it counts. How do you play?

      PILCHER
      (grins)
      Officer Starling. Welcome back.

      CUT TO:

      INT. ENTOMOLOGY CORRIDOR - DAY

      MOVING ANGLE as Clarice and the two men go briskly down a
      hall lined with mounted insects, in all shapes and sizes.
      Roden peers at Clarice's new cocoon, in its box.

      RODEN
      Where the hell did this one come from?
      It's practically mush.

      CLARICE
      You really don't want to know.

      PILCHER
      Your West Virginia specimen gave us
      quite a bit of trouble, but I finally
      managed to narrow his species through
      chaetaxy - studying the skin.

      RODEN
      I'm the one who found his perforating
      proboscis! Are you wearing a gun,
      right now?
      (Clarice nods)
      Ooh, cool! Can I see it? Can I?
      55.


      PILCHER
      Just ignore him. He's not a Ph.D.

      CUT TO:

      INT. LABORATORY - DAY

      VERY CLOSE (MAGNIFICATION) on the sliced cocoon, as Roden
      uses tweezers and a dental probe to ease out the sodden
      chrysalis.

      RODEN (O.S.)
      The whole trick is to remove the
      chrysalis without destroying it... The
      wings are just like wet tissue paper...

      THE TWO MEN

      are hunched over a formica table, peering through square
      magnifiers into stainless trays. Clarice watches
      curiously. Of their two specimens, Pilcher's moth is in
      much better condition - a big brown creature, its wings
      outspread on towel paper.

      PILCHER
      (without looking up)
      What do you do when you're not
      detecting, Officer Starling?

      CLARICE
      I try to be a student, Dr. Pilcher.

      PILCHER
      Ever get out for cheeseburgers and
      beer? The amusing house wine...?

      CLARICE
      (smiles)
      Not lately. But maybe someday.

      He looks up at her, shyly. A little moment passes between
      them, before Roden straightens, exultant.

      RODEN
      Positive match!

      CLARICE
      You're sure?
      56.


      RODEN
      (points with his
      dental probe)
      West Virginia... Baltimore. Officer
      Starling, meet Mister Acherontia styx.

      He moves aside for Clarice to get a closer look at
      Pilcher's specimen. She leans forward, intently.

      HER POV (MAGNIFICATION)

      the wide, furry, brown back of the moth. And there, right
      between the wing bases - wonderful and terrible to see -
      is nature's perfect reproduction of a ghostly human skull.

      RODEN (O.S.)
      Better known to his friends as the
      Death's-head Moth...

      PILCHER (O.S.)
      The Latin name comes from two rivers
      in Hell. Your man - he drops these
      girls into rivers, every time. Didn't
      I read that?

      FAVORING CLARICE

      as she looks up at him, awed, excited, almost trembling.

      CLARICE
      And there's no way - no natural way -
      these could've wound up in the bodies?

      PILCHER
      (shakes his head)
      They live in Malaysia. In this
      country, they'd have to be specially
      raised, from imported eggs.

      CLARICE
      (pause, then softly)
      Dr. Lecter...

      As the two men stare at her, puzzled, we hear a SOUND
      UPCUT - the wail of police SIRENS - and...

      CUT TO:

      EXT. U.S. ROUTE 95 - DAY (AERIAL SHOT)

      An awesome armada of police vehicles swings through an
      intersection, while normal traffic is held back by highway
      patrol cruisers.
      57.


      The lead cars turn off, hit the entrance ramp to the
      freeway - SIRENS going, tires SQUEALING, red flashers...

      CLOSER ANGLE

      on a speeding surveillance van, with long antennas and a
      small satellite dish, near the head of the motorcade.

      CRAWFORD (V.O.)
      Maybe we can trace how he buys the
      bugs, starting with U.S. Customs...

      CUT TO:
      Genres: ["Mystery","Thriller"]

      Summary Clarice and Crawford arrive at a funeral home to investigate a new victim. They discover strange details on the victim's body and collect evidence. The scene ends with Clarice taking a close-up photo of the triangular patches on the victim's back.
      Strengths "Strong suspense and discovery of key evidence."
      Weaknesses "Dialogue could be stronger."
      Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would critique this scene by focusing on a few key elements:

      1. Setting: The scene begins in a museum office and then transitions to an entomology corridor and a laboratory. The setting establishes the world of the story and gives the audience a sense of the characters' expertise in their field.

      2. Characterization: The characters of Roden, Pilcher, and Clarice are introduced through their dialogue and actions. Roden is depicted as playful and competitive, Pilcher as knowledgeable and charming, and Clarice as intelligent and curious. These traits help to establish their dynamic and set up potential conflicts or relationships.

      3. Dialogue: The dialogue in this scene is natural and effective in conveying the characters' personalities and the information they need to share. It includes playful banter, scientific explanations, and hints at the broader story and the nature of the serial killer they are investigating.

      4. Visuals: The scene includes visual descriptions of the insects, their specimens, and their movements. These descriptions help to create a vivid and engaging visual world for the audience, emphasizing the importance of these insects to the story and the characters.

      5. Foreshadowing: The reveal of the Death's-head Moth with its skull-like marking is a powerful moment of foreshadowing. It hints at the nature of the killer they are pursuing and adds an element of intrigue and suspense to the scene.

      Overall, this scene effectively introduces the characters, establishes their expertise, and sets up key elements of the story. The dialogue and visuals work together to engage the audience and build anticipation for what is to come.
      Suggestions 1. Provide clearer descriptions: The scene begins with a close-up of the rhinoceros beetle, but it is unclear where exactly it is. Consider specifying its location, such as on the edge of the chessboard or on a nearby table. Additionally, describe the entomologists and Clarice in more detail so that readers can visualize them better.

      2. Add more visual elements: The scene predominantly consists of dialogue, but it would benefit from more visual moments. Consider including actions or gestures that enhance the characters' personalities or add depth to the scene. For example, instead of just saying the entomologists are hunched over the formica table, describe their focused expressions or gestures as they examine the specimens.

      3. Clarify the setting transitions: The scene abruptly shifts from the museum office to the entomology corridor, and then to the laboratory. It would be helpful to clearly establish the physical location in each scene transition, either through a description of the new setting or through a transitional sentence.

      4. Specify character emotions: When Clarice sees the moth's wings and realizes its significance, it mentions that she is "awed, excited, almost trembling." However, these emotions could be emphasized more clearly in the script. Consider adding specific actions or expressions to show her increasing excitement or awe in a visual way.

      5. Streamline dialogue: Some of the dialogue exchanges feel a bit lengthy and could be tightened to enhance the pace. For instance, consider condensing the conversation between Pilcher and Clarice about cheeseburgers and beer, while still preserving the flirty interaction between them.

      6. Inclusion of visual cues: The scene mentions a sliced cocoon and moth specimens, but it would be helpful to include more visual cues that demonstrate the significance of these objects. For example, describe the texture or appearance of the sliced cocoon and Pilcher's moth to better convey their importance to the story.



      Scene 18 - Investigating the Victim
      • Overall: 8.0
      • Concept: 7
      • Plot: 9
      • Characters: 8
      • Dialogue: 8
      INT. THE SURVEILLANCE VAN - DAY (DRIVING)

      The van is crammed with an impressive array of hi-tech
      equipment, all CLICKING and HUMMING. Burroughs is talking
      quietly on a scrambler phone, while another agent works a
      computer.

      CRAWFORD (O.S.)
      Maybe we can locate some of Raspail's
      old lovers. Maybe, someday...

      CLARICE AND CRAWFORD

      sit in swivel seats at the rear, by a big window. Clarice
      can't resits an occasional peak at the trailing motorcade,
      awed and a bit thrilled to be the center of so much
      attention.

      CRAWFORD
      But for Catherine Martin, it all comes
      down to you and Lecter. You're the one
      he talks to.

      CLARICE
      He's already offered to help... What
      would happen if we just showed our
      cards - asked him for Bill?

      CRAWFORD
      He offered to help, Starling, not to
      snitch. That wouldn't give him enough
      chance to show off. Remember, Lecter
      looks mainly for fun. Never forget fun.

      CLARICE
      But if he knew we have so little time -
      58.


      CRAWFORD
      If we act too anxious, he'll make us
      wait. He'll let the Senator keep
      hoping, day after day, until Catherine
      finally washes up. That'd be the most
      fun of all.

      CLARICE
      I think he means it, this time. I
      think he'll deal.

      CRAWFORD
      What would it take?

      CLARICE
      Transfer to a new prison. With a view
      of trees, he said, or even water...
      Can we swing that?

      CRAWFORD
      (shakes his head)
      State to federal jurisdiction... We
      can do it - eventually - but we'll
      never get all the clearances in time.
      Can you convince him a deal's already
      in place?

      CLARICE
      You'll back me up with some paperwork?
      (he nods)
      Then I'll try. But wouldn't this have
      more weight coming from the Senator
      herself?

      CRAWFORD
      (hesitates)
      She doesn't know what we're up to. And
      we can't afford to let her find out.

      Clarice looks at him, surprised.

      CRAWFORD
      (continuing)
      She's the mother, Starling. She can't
      possibly comprehend what Lecter is.
      She'd make the mistake of pleading
      with him. Begging him... He'd feast on
      her pain till the last second of that
      girl's life...

      CUT TO:
      59.


      INT. BALTIMORE STATE HOSP. FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE - DAY

      Chilton approaches, walking briskly down a corridor in the
      administration wing. He looks quite agitated.

      CRAWFORD (V.O.)
      We can't trust Frederick Chilton,
      either. He's greedy and ambitious. If
      he knew about Lecter's link to Bill,
      he's go straight to the newspapers...

      Chilton falls into step beside Clarice, who has her
      briefcase. He points his gold pen at her accusingly.

      CHILTON
      What you're doing, Miss Starling, is
      coming into my hospital to conduct an
      interview, and refusing to share
      information with me. For the third
      time!

      CLARICE
      Dr. Chilton, I told you - this is just
      routine follow-up on the Raspail case.

      CHILTON
      He's my patient! I have rights!
      (grabs her arm,
      stopping her)
      I'm not just some turnkey, Miss
      Starling. I shouldn't even be here
      this afternoon. I had a ticket to
      Holiday on Ice.

      She stares at him, with pity and distaste, till he lets go.

      CLARICE
      I'm acting on instruction, Dr. Chilton.
      (handing him a card)
      This is the U.S. Attorney's number.
      Now please - either discuss this with
      him, or let me do my job.

      She walks away, leaving him speechless with frustration
      and hostility. He clicks his pen, watching her go.

      CUT TO:
      Genres: ["Thriller","Crime","Mystery"]

      Summary Clarice and Crawford arrive at a funeral home to investigate a new victim. They discover strange details on the victim's body and collect evidence. The scene ends with Clarice taking a close-up photo of the triangular patches on the victim's back.
      Strengths "Suspenseful tone, attention to detail in the investigation, strong conflict between characters"
      Weaknesses "Some exposition-heavy dialogue, lacking a strong emotional impact"
      Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively establishes the setting and characters. The dialogue between Clarice and Crawford reveals important information about their motivations and the dynamics of their relationship. The use of the surveillance van and hi-tech equipment adds tension and intrigue to the scene.

      One suggestion for improvement would be to add more subtext and depth to the conversation between Clarice and Crawford. While the dialogue provides necessary exposition, it could benefit from more emotional subtext or conflict, which would add complexity to their characters and make the scene more engaging.

      Additionally, the introduction of Chilton adds an interesting dynamic to the scene, but his dialogue and actions could be further developed to make him a more compelling and multi-dimensional character.

      Overall, this scene effectively sets up the various conflicts and motivations of the characters, but could benefit from further development of emotional subtext and deeper character exploration.
      Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

      1. Add more visual descriptions: Currently, the scene is heavy on dialogue and lacks visual cues. Including more visual descriptions can help the reader imagine the scene more vividly. For example, describe the lighting in the van, the agents' appearances, and the specific hi-tech equipment being used.

      2. Provide more context: It's not clear what the characters are trying to achieve in this scene. Consider adding a brief setup to clarify the goals and stakes. This could involve mentioning the main mission or objective of the characters, which could help create suspense and tension.

      3. Increase the sense of urgency: The conversati