Severance
Executive Summary
Overview
Genres: Thriller, Action, Drama, Comedy, Satire, Dark, comedy, Adventure, Horror, Mystery, Survival
Setting: Present day, Urban city
Themes: Survival, Ethics, Betrayal, Isolation, Mortality
Conflict and Stakes: John's struggle to clear his name after being falsely accused of a crime, with his career and reputation at stake
Overall Mood: Tense and suspenseful
Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:
- Scene 5: Intense courtroom scene with high stakes and emotional tension
- Scene 10: Quiet moment of reflection as John contemplates his next move
Standout Features:
- Twist Ending: A shocking revelation in the final act that changes everything
- Unique Setting: The urban cityscape adds a gritty and realistic backdrop to the story
- Complex Characters: Each character has layers and depth that keep the audience engaged
Comparable Scripts:
Pass/Consider/Recommend
Explanation:
USP:
Market Analysis
Budget Estimate:$10-15 million
Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, fans of legal dramas and suspense thrillers
Marketability: Strong central conflict and relatable themes that appeal to a wide audience
Compelling characters and a gripping storyline with potential for critical acclaim
Timely social themes and a diverse cast that can attract a broad audience
Profit Potential: Moderate to high, with potential for strong box office performance and awards recognition
Analysis Criteria Percentiles
What this means: Each criteria is ranked in comparison to scripts in our Vault (such as The Matrix, Breaking Bad, etc.) This allows you to see where you stand compared to other produced scripts for each criteria.
Writer's Voice
Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by sarcastic and satirical humor, dark humor and irony, witty banter, naturalistic dialogue, and a focus on tension-building and suspense.
Best representation: Scene 34 - Escape from the Lodge. Scene 34 is the best representation of the author's voice because it showcases the writer's darkly comedic and sarcastic dialogue. The dialogue adds a humorous element to the tense situation and effectively builds tension.
Memorable Lines:
- Maggie: There is a pack of psychotic war criminals fucked up on electro-shock treatment and medication right behind us, and very soon they will come through that door, rip off our heads, and shit down our necks. So if you have any more questions, maybe they can wait until we have GOT THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! NOW MOVE YOUR FAT FUCKING ASS OR I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF! (Scene 35)
- Deer: Now get out of my forest. Fucking druggie. (Scene 10)
- Steve: Bugger me sideways. (Scene 8)
- Gareth: I forgive you... (Scene 30)
- Steve: Got you, you fucker! (Scene 32)
Characters
John Smith:A hardworking lawyer who is falsely accused of a crime
Sarah Johnson:John's loyal assistant who helps him uncover the truth
Detective Ramirez:The lead investigator on John's case
Story Shape
Screenplay Story Analysis
Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
| Story Content | Character Development | Scene Elements | Audience Engagement | Technical Aspects | |||||||||||||||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Click for Full Analysis | Tone | Overall Grade | Concept | Plot | Originality Score | Characters | Character Changes | Internal Goal | External Goal | Conflict | Opposition | High stakes | Story forward | Twist | Emotional Impact | Dialogue | Engagement | Pacing | Formatting | Structure | |
| 1 - SEVERANCE | "Suspenseful" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 5 | 0 | 0 | 9 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 6 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | |
| 2 - Corporate Video Excitement | "sarcastic" | 7 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 4 | 8 | 7 | 5 | 0 | 4 | 5 | 0 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | |
| 3 - Corporate Ethics Discussion | "Tense" | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 0 | 8 | 7 | 0 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 8 | |
| 4 - Arms Dealers Ride to a Trade Show | "Tense, with moments of crass humor" | 8 | 7 | 7 | 5 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | |
| 5 - Blocked Road | "Tense" | 7 | 6 | 7 | 2 | 7 | 5 | 2 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 6 | 0 | 6 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 8 | |
| 6 - The Fallout of the Corporate Video | "Tense" | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 3 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 10 | |
| 7 - Lost in the Woods | "tense and suspenseful" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 10 | |
| 8 - Lost and Found | "darkly humorous" | 7 | 8 | 7 | 3 | 6 | 3 | 0 | 7 | 5 | 0 | 4 | 7 | 0 | 4 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
| 9 - The Lodge | "tense" | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | |
| 10 - Paranoia in the Woods | "Tense, Dark" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 4 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
| 11 - Skeletons and Seduction | "Tense, with moments of humor" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 5 | 7 | 6 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | |
| 12 - The Lodge's Dark Past | "Tense" | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 3 | 0 | 5 | 4 | 0 | 5 | 5 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 10 | 8 | |
| 13 - Dinner with Detention Centers | "ominous" | 8 | 9 | 8 | 4 | 7 | 6 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 0 | 8 | 7 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 8 | |
| 14 - Nighttime Preparations | "Darkly humorous" | 8 | 7 | 7 | 5 | 9 | 4 | 0 | 8 | 4 | 0 | 4 | 5 | 0 | 5 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
| 15 - Nighttime Paranoid Hallucinations | "Tense" | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 7 | 6 | 0 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
| 16 - Nighttime Tensions | "Tense" | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 9 | |
| 17 - Morning Departure | "tense" | 7 | 7 | 7 | 4 | 6 | 4 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 8 | |
| 18 - Escape Attempts | "Suspenseful" | 8 | 8 | 8 | 5 | 7 | 3 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | |
| 19 - The Abandoned Bus | "Tense" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 10 | 9 | |
| 20 - Bear Trap | "chaotic, comedic, and gruesome" | 7 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 6 | 3 | 0 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 10 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 5 | 7 | 8 | 10 | 10 | |
| 21 - Trapped in the Clearing | "Tense" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 10 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | |
| 22 - Escape from the Lodge | "Intense" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 10 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | |
| 23 - Crash and Burn | "Tense, Suspenseful" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | |
| 24 - Trapped in the Lodge | "Tense" | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 10 | 7 | 0 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
| 25 - Surviving the Night | "tense" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 7 | 0 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | |
| 26 - Gareth is Dragged Away | "Suspenseful" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 3 | 2 | 7 | 9 | 0 | 10 | 8 | 0 | 10 | 5 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 | |
| 27 - The Search for Gareth | "Tense" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 7 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
| 28 - The Hunted | "Tense, ominous" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | |
| 29 - The Cellar Discovery | "Suspenseful" | 9 | 9 | 10 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | |
| 30 - Escape and Pursuit | "tense" | 9 | 8 | 10 | 0 | 8 | 7 | 0 | 0 | 10 | 0 | 11 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 6 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | |
| 31 - Escape From Jill's Room | "Intense" | 9 | 8 | 10 | 3 | 8 | 5 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 0 | 11 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | |
| 32 - Escaping the Fire | "Tense and somber" | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 8 | 7 | 0 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 | |
| 33 - The Chase | "Intense" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
| 34 - Standoff at the Lodge | "Tense" | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 5 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 10 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 9 | |
| 35 - Escape from the Lodge | "Intense" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 10 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 8 | |
| 36 - Escape and Rescue | "Tense" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 8 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 10 | |
| 37 - The Final Battle | "Intense" | 8 | 10 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 0 | 11 | 8 | 0 | 9 | 5 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 8 | |
| 38 - Aftermath | "Bittersweet" | 8 | 7 | 6 | 5 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 3 | 0 | 6 | 6 | 0 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | |
Scene 1 - SEVERANCE
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 9
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 6
by
James Moran
Revised draft November 2004
Copyright (c) 2004 Qwerty Films.
FADE IN:
EXT. FOREST - DAY
Early morning. The forest is dark, quiet, and malevolent.
Animals rustle in the darkness. We hear the sound of someone
running, really fast, getting closer and closer.
A man and two women burst out of the trees, running as fast
as they can. None of them are dressed properly for a forest
chase. GEORGE looks like an executive. NADIA and OLGA look
like they’ve come from a nightclub.
They run as if their lives depend on it. Behind them,
someone or something is chasing them, stealthily.
EXT. FOREST CLEARING 1 - DAY
They run into the clearing, shrieking in terror. As they get
to the middle of the clearing, the two women disappear into
the ground. George looks back, confused.
EXT. BEAR PIT - DAY
The women lie on the ground inside a deep bear pit, dazed
and bruised. Far above them they see the opening. A thick
branch from the covering is lying over the opening.
Nadia tries to jump up, but it's too high to reach. They see
George looking in over the top.
NADIA
Get us out!
EXT. FOREST CLEARING 1 - DAY
George hesitates, then hears their pursuer coming. He
panics, and runs away, abandoning the two women.
EXT. FOREST CLEARING 2 - DAY
George runs, nearly falling. His pursuer just keeps coming.
EXT. BEAR PIT - DAY
Nadia and Olga look around, terrified, trying to think.
Nadia takes off her jacket and tries to throw it over the
branch - again, the top of the pit is too far away.
NADIA
(in Serbian, subtitled)
Give me your jacket!
2.
EXT. FOREST CLEARING 2 - DAY
As George passes a tree, his foot gets caught. The camera
flips upside down - he has been caught in a razor-wire rope
trap, yanking him above the ground. He dangles upside down.
EXT. BEAR PIT - DAY
Nadia ties the two jackets together. She throws them up
again. They reach, but the branch snaps as soon as she puts
weight on it. The women huddle together in fear, waiting.
EXT. FOREST CLEARING 2 - DAY
George swings upside down, hanging from the tree. He tries
to lift himself up to untie the wire, but has never done a
hard day's work in his life, and isn't fit enough.
The razor wire cuts into his leg, making it bleed.
His pursuer comes out of the woods. We only see his boots,
which have a distinctive, military-style emblem on them, and
spurs. He starts walking slowly towards George.
We are upside down again, and swaying. Hanging from the
tree, George hears the footsteps, the spurs jingling, and
starts screaming.
He screams until something punctures his neck, too quickly
for us to see what did it.
EXT. DESERT - DAY
George screams, seemingly in pain, until we realise that he
is roaring in delight as he shoots a machine gun at a paper
target. The paper target is quickly shredded.
George is the man from the opening sequence, but looks to be
in fine form here. He wears a shirt, tie, and braces.
The scene changes - this is a corporate video for an arms
company. We see lots of shots of tanks, missiles,
explosions, soldiers, infra red visuals, and so on.
A shiny logo forms itself over the top of all this, with the
company name "Palisade Defense".
ANNOUNCER (VO)
Palisade Defense - envisioning the
future of warfare, to protect our
children's heritage.
We see bright-eyed children waving an American flag in slow
motion. We then see some impossibly handsome men and women
working in a shiny new office.
3.
ANNOUNCER (VO)
This is our discovery platform. Our
cohesive team of dedicated
individuals-
Scene 2 - Corporate Video Excitement
- Overall: 7.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 6
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 6
The corporate video is shown on a laptop, watched by the
"cohesive team of dedicated individuals" on the minibus,
most of them staring in amazement at the crass imagery.
GARETH is in his late thirties, and insanely cheerful. He
wears a bright yellow and black striped rugby shirt, tucked
into his jeans, which are pulled up way, way too high.
He's the sort of man who would wear an "amusing" comedy tie
to the office party.
He sits as close to the laptop as he can get, straining at
the leash and bouncing with excitement, genuinely looking
thrilled to be watching the video.
MAGGIE is in her twenties. She is very intelligent and
friendly, but assertive - she doesn't suffer fools gladly,
or at all. She looks disgusted.
ANNOUNCER (VO)
...customer focussed, forward
thinking - weapons you can trust,
anti-personnel devices you can rely
on. "What Ordnance" magazine says
our new CRM 114 landmine is "the
most exciting development in
concealed termination in years"...
JILL is the most sensible looking. She is facing forward,
wearing her seatbelt, because those are the rules. She wears
warm, bulky hiking gear.
She holds a booklet called "The Country Code", but politely
watches the video. She's no older than the others, but seems
old before her time, fussy, a bit prim.
RICHARD, the manager, a jobsworth in a crisp shirt and tie
with braces, sits with his arms folded next to the laptop,
mouthing the words as the announcer speaks.
HARRIS is a salesman in his early thirties, flash suit,
perfect skin, beautifully conditioned hair. He oozes style,
sophistication and confidence. He reads a newspaper.
BILLY is the newest employee. He's in his twenties, and
rapidly becoming aware that his job is not quite the
thrusting world of glamour he had been led to believe.
He sits apart from everyone else, looking slightly awkward.
He tries to see the screen, but can't get the angle right.
4.
STEVE is a long haired, pony-tailed, goatee'd Cockney
geezer, with a flash suit that still manages to look scruffy
on him.
He sits at the back, feet up on the seat in front, with a
2000AD comic. He has a PDA connected to a mobile phone
hidden behind the comic, and is surfing the net.
The website on the PDA screen is an escort service - lurid
pictures of scantily clad girls are everywhere, with
Cyrillic text and flashing fonts.
Steve is booking two girls. He puts his credit card number
in. It goes through, just before he loses the connection. He
mutters under his breath. Maggie glances over.
MAGGIE
You looking at porn again?
STEVE
Just sorting out a little birthday
present for myself. I'll need it
round here.
Richard shushes them, excitedly - it's his big moment. He
points at the screen. He is American.
RICHARD
This is it, here I come...
EXT. DESERT - DAY
George takes off his protective goggles, puts the gun down,
and pulls his tie back down - it had flapped over his
shoulder. He looks at the camera and grins.
Richard comes into shot to join him. They shake hands.
GEORGE
Power. Strength. Integrity. Truth.
Palisade Defense brings you
tomorrow's weaponry...
GEORGE & RICHARD
...today!
George winks, picks up a rocket launcher, and fires at the
remaining shreds of the paper target, destroying it
entirely. The Palisade Defense logo comes up again.
Scene 3 - Corporate Ethics Discussion
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 9
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 9
The video stops. Richard looks at everyone, clearly excited
by it. He raises his eyebrows, waiting to be congratulated.
Nobody says anything. Gareth claps, delighted with it all.
5.
RICHARD
So what do you think?
GARETH
Fantastic! Your best one yet.
RICHARD
Really?
STEVE
(without looking)
Yeah, brought a tear to my eye.
Richard ignores Steve. He looks at the others, waiting for
them to say something, anything. Cautiously, Jill pipes up.
JILL
Well, yes, I liked it, but...
should it be quite so... jolly?
RICHARD
"Jolly"?
JILL
Yes - considering what we sell?
RICHARD
Why not?
JILL
Well. You know. We sell things
that, well... kill people.
RICHARD
Jill, our products do not kill
people. Our products enable others
to defend their countries, and
protect against undesirable
elements.
MAGGIE
Yeah, by killing people.
Maggie is the other American in the team. She looks at
Richard when she says this. He smiles humourlessly.
RICHARD
Palisade Defense is an ethical
company. We always ensure that our
customers will not use our products
for unsavoury purposes.
MAGGIE
Sure. "Dear customer, what do you
plan to use this missile for?
(MORE)
6.
MAGGIE (cont'd)
Please tick box A if you plan to
use it to kill people, or box B if
you just want to paint it yellow
and use it as a water slide".
RICHARD
That is *not* on the questionnaire.
BILLY
There's a questionnaire?
MAGGIE
We don't give a shit, as long as
the cheque clears.
RICHARD
And what about those protestors
outside our office? They're always
throwing eggs at my car, one of
them said he was going to kill me -
is that ethical? At least we
operate within the law.
HARRIS
Look, if we didn't sell them,
someone else would. Our stuff is
humane, too.
JILL
Humane?
HARRIS
Before modern weaponry, you were
much more likely to get maimed
instead of killed. At least our
weapons guarantee you a quick
death. Bang, you're dead, the end,
or your money back.
JILL
I think I'd rather be maimed than
killed.
HARRIS
My mate Stewie got his legs blown
off by a landmine in the Falklands.
His feet still get itchy now, even
though they're gone. Drives him
mad. That's no kind of life.
STEVE
Yeah, tell him to step on one of
ours next time, he'll love that.
MAGGIE
I'm so glad we're having this
conversation, finally my life has
some meaning.
7.
EXT. ROAD - DAY
The road winds along the side of a mountain. The minibus
drives carefully to avoid potholes. It passes by a dead dog
by the side of the road, mouldy and shrunken.
Scene 4 - Arms Dealers Ride to a Trade Show
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 8
Some time has passed. Everyone sits in their seats, not
talking. The minibus clatters along the road. Steve throws
his comic down, fed up.
STEVE
Are we having fun yet?
GARETH
Of course we are!
STEVE
I was being sarcastic.
GARETH
Come on Steve, where's your
positive mental attitude?
STEVE
That's funny, I'm sure I had it
here a minute ago - oh, hang on a
sec - it's up my arse!
RICHARD
Steve.
STEVE
I think I lost it halfway through
the most boring trade show in the
world. And now I've got to face a
weekend of wanky team building with
you ponces. What kind of birthday
present is that?
GARETH
Hey, we could give you the birthday
bumps!
Steve rolls his eyes, and goes back to his comic. Richard
reads the paper, circling things with a pen. He frowns,
looking worried. Billy tries to make conversation.
BILLY
Everything okay?
RICHARD
I'm just worried about this
situation in Liberia.
8.
BILLY
Oh, the military coup? Pretty
scary.
RICHARD
Yeah. I think it's all going to
blow over.
Richard seems genuinely disappointed. Billy blinks.
BILLY
Is that bad?
RICHARD
Well, I've just spent a month doing
a deal with them for cluster bombs.
Now it looks like they're going to
sign a peace treaty.
BILLY
(joking)
Unreliable bastards, eh?
RICHARD
(deadly serious)
It's unprofessional, Billy, that's
what it is.
Billy nods sympathetically, then looks away, a bit freaked
out. He looks out of the window.
EXT. HILLSIDE - DAY
A barren, rocky hillside. A few patches of stunted grass are
blasted and faded by the cold, windy weather. Mountains rise
up around the hill, some of them snow-capped.
Wind whistles and howls through the hills. Dark, tumorous
clouds roll overhead; ready to spill rain at any moment.
Far below, the only sign of life is the minibus on the road.
From this distance, the bus and road are tiny.
The road twists and turns for miles and miles, no turnings,
no houses, no nothing. Thick forest looms over much of it.
Scene 5 - Blocked Road
- Overall: 7.0
- Concept: 6
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 8
The minibus is old, beat up, and shabby. So is the driver.
He looks like he's made of cigarette ash, and just as
fragile.
He concentrates hard on the road ahead, leaning forward and
squinting. He grips the steering wheel like it's all that's
keeping him alive.
9.
He loudly starts singing some strange, East European folk
song. Maggie glances up briefly from her book, then back
down again. The others just stare at the passing scenery.
There is a faint rumble of thunder in the distance.
The driver's song tails off, and he mutters to himself,
rubbing a rabbit's foot on a chain around his neck. He
crosses himself three times, quickly.
Steve stares at him, shaking his head. Richard is watching
the advert on the laptop again, with headphones, mouthing
the words to himself.
MAGGIE
Are you actually memorising it?
RICHARD
Just making sure I'm familiar with
the concepts. When we meet George
tonight, I want to be able to
discuss it with him properly.
MAGGIE
Relax, Richard, it's only George.
He doesn't care what-
RICHARD
"Only George"? Only the man who has
revolutionised the arms industry?
Oh, well, in that case, forget it!
I guess it doesn't matter what we
talk about, eh? He doesn't care how
we work together as a team, does
he?
MAGGIE
As long as the money keeps rolling
in, probably not.
Gareth turns around.
GARETH
How about a sing-along?
Everyone slowly turns to look at Gareth.
HARRIS
Sorry?
GARETH
A sing-along! You know, get our
spirits up, make the journey go
more quickly!
STEVE
Seeing you horribly injured would
make my journey go more quickly.
10.
GARETH
Who knows "Itchycoo Park"? Anyone?
The Small Faces? Come on, I'll
start us off!
STEVE
Christ.
GARETH
(singing)
Over bridge of sighs - To rest, my
eyes, in shades of green - Under
dreaming spires - To Itchycoo Park,
that's where I've been...
He stops, waiting. Nobody speaks. Gareth coughs, loudly and
expectantly. He looks at Billy, eagerly. Billy clearly isn't
keen, but doesn't want to make waves.
BILLY
(flat, not singing)
What did you do there?
GARETH
(singing)
I got hi-igh!
BILLY
(even flatter)
What did you feel there.
GARETH
(singing)
Well I cri-ied!
BILLY
(pancake flat)
But why the tears then.
GARETH
(singing)
Tell you whyyyy-yyyy!
EXT. ROAD - DAY
The minibus struggles along the road, as the actual recorded
version of Itchycoo Park takes over from Gareth's tuneless
singing ("It's all too beautiful", etc).
Roll credits.
INT. MINIBUS - DAY
The bus turns a corner, and the driver sees something. He
slams his foot down on the brake pedal.
11.
EXT. FORK IN ROAD - DAY
The minibus screeches to a halt, sliding across the road.
INT. MINIBUS - DAY
Everyone goes flying, bags, laptops, books, all flung to the
floor, higgledy piggledy.
STEVE
What the fuck are you playing at?
He scrambles to his feet, and looks out the front window.
A landslide has blocked the road completely. The other road
in the fork is relatively okay. Everyone picks themselves
up, and peers at the landslide. Richard consults a map.
RICHARD
We can take this road instead.
Richard points at the map and shows it to the driver.
RICHARD (CONT)
We can go this way, it's only half
a mile. We go this way? This way?
The driver looks where Richard's finger is pointing, and
panics, shaking his head furiously, and rubbing the rabbit's
foot. He starts babbling in Serbian.
RICHARD (CONT)
The road is fine - it's not
blocked. Not! Blocked!
The driver is shouting now, banging the steering wheel and
crossing himself. Everyone looks at him.
RICHARD (CONT)
We're paying for this bus, your
salary, and the whole weekend. So
drive us there, right now, or
you're in big, big trouble.
Scene 6 - The Fallout of the Corporate Video
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 9
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 8
Everybody is standing in the road watching the driver pull a
lever at the back of the bus. The boot opens with a jerk,
dumping all their bags out.
The driver gets back in the bus, and drives off.
Everybody turns to look at Richard, their breath condensing
in the cold air.
12.
MAGGIE
Good job, Richard. You really
showed him.
The minibus turns the corner, and is gone.
STEVE
Stupid old fucker. Hope he crashes
and dies.
(shouting)
Hope you crash and die!
RICHARD
He'd better not - he's picking us
up on Monday morning.
MAGGIE
When they find our decomposing
bodies, mine will have a note tied
to it blaming you for everything.
RICHARD
Okay, people. I'm not paying you
all to stand around making witty
remarks. Billy, take the team bag.
Richard points at Billy, then at a large green trolley-bag.
Billy has his own trolley-bag, as do the others. Richard
turns to go. Maggie makes a face and gives him the finger.
Steve gives him the V-sign. Maggie sees this, and changes
hers to copy Steve, raising her eyebrows to check she's
doing it right. Steve nods approvingly.
Way up the side of the valley, someone or something is
watching the gang through the crosshairs of a rifle. It
zooms in, focusing in on Gareth's Palisade badge.
The gang walks away. Unseen by them, some sort of warning
sign lies half buried under some loose earth. The words read
"LEKARSKI INSTALACIJA". It was once part of a fence.
Further away, hidden in the trees, the fence continues on
either side. We pull out and up, and see that it goes on for
several miles in a circle, collapsed in several places.
Scene 7 - Lost in the Woods
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 7
The gang trudge along the road. The woods completely
overhang the road, making it seem almost like night. All
around are the sounds of animals rustling and moving.
Maggie staggers along in a pair of ultra high heeled shoes,
which occasionally sink into a patch of mud. Jill smiles
smugly; she is wearing proper hiking boots.
13.
Billy struggles with the large green bag, as well as his
own. Every now and then, we hear the tinkling of a bell.
Steve frowns, not sure if he's imagining it.
STEVE
Can anyone else hear a bell?
Jill turns around, embarrassed. She has a small bell tied
around her neck. She shakes it, by way of explanation.
HARRIS
What's that?
JILL
A bear bell.
HARRIS
A what?
JILL
A bear bell. You know - the bears
hear it, they know you're coming,
and they get out of the way?
STEVE
Yeah - or they think, here comes a
tasty snack.
HARRIS
Bears don't eat humans.
MAGGIE
They kill them though, don't they?
HARRIS
Yes. But only when provoked, or
defending cubs. Besides, there
aren't any bears in this country.
JILL
Are you sure?
HARRIS
It depends. If we're still in
Serbia, then there are no bears. If
we've crossed the border, then
there are.
RICHARD
I don't remember us crossing the
border.
HARRIS
They don't worry about borders this
far out. You can pretty much come
and go as you please.
14.
STEVE
Yeah, so what's stopping the bears
from doing the same thing?
MAGGIE
Richard, which country is the lodge
in?
RICHARD
I'm not sure. Our field office is
based in Budapest, I assumed it was
all in Hungary.
HARRIS
So we could actually be in any one
of five countries?
RICHARD
I guess. Does it matter?
STEVE
Yes! Because of the bears!
MAGGIE
If there were any bears, they've
been bored to death by now.
Everyone looks fed up, except for Gareth, who strides ahead
as if discovering a new world. He's even found a stout stick
so he can look even more poncey.
Billy drops the bag, and loads of team game equipment spills
out. He sighs, and stuffs it back in again.
From the right, a twig snaps in the forest. Everybody stops.
There is a nervous silence.
JILL
Did you hear that?
STEVE
No Jill, we just all decided to
stop at exactly the same time.
Course we fucking heard it.
RICHARD
Steve. That'll do.
MAGGIE
So... shall we stay here all day?
HARRIS
How much further is it?
RICHARD
Not long, about another five
minutes.
15.
HARRIS
You said that half an hour ago.
RICHARD
I did not. I said five miles, not
minutes.
HARRIS
Can we have that in writing?
JILL
Where's Steve?
They look around. Steve has disappeared, but his bag is
still there. Jill clutches her bag in fear. Harris notices
some broken twigs on one side of the path.
HARRIS
He must have gone this way. Shall
we go and have a look?
RICHARD
Yes. Harris, take Maggie and Billy
with you. We'll wait here, keep an
eye on things.
HARRIS
Good thinking, Richard. You keep an
eye on the road, in case it falls
up into the sky.
Harris, Maggie and Billy walk into the woods, snickering.
Richard looks at Jill and Gareth, who smile politely.
Scene 8 - Lost and Found
- Overall: 7.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 6
- Dialogue: 8
Harris, Maggie and Billy wander through the forest. It is
very dark and scary. It rustles mysteriously.
HARRIS
Steve? STEVE! Where are you?
MAGGIE
Probably smoking an entire tree.
BILLY
Do they make cigarette papers that
big now?
Maggie smiles uncertainly - she doesn't know Billy yet, but
he seems like an okay sort. They walk through the dark
forest, mouldering leaves beneath their feet.
They stop when they hear a trickling noise from up ahead. It
sounds like rain, or a leaky tap. They get closer together,
and approach the sound, slowly.
16.
It is coming from behind a massive tree. Harris picks up a
length of wood, and they slowly walk around the tree. They
stop, staring at something in absolute horror.
Steve is standing there, his back to them, having a long,
long piss. He is trying to coax the stream up to where a
bird sits, but can't quite reach.
STEVE
Come on, son, you can do it...
MAGGIE
Steve?
The golden stream stops abruptly. Steve doesn't look back.
STEVE
What?
MAGGIE
What are you doing?
STEVE
I'm flying a hot air balloon around
the world. What's it look like?
HARRIS
We were calling you.
STEVE
I know. I can't talk to anyone when
I'm pissing. Like now.
HARRIS
Well, hurry up, we have to get
going.
STEVE
Okay.
Nobody moves. Steve coughs.
STEVE (CONT)
Are you going to stand there and
watch, or what?
HARRIS
Oh. Sorry.
Harris, Maggie and Billy awkwardly turn around and walk
away. After a few moments, the piss stream starts up again.
Steve sighs in relief. He looks up, but the bird has gone.
Steve looks around for the bird. On the other side of a
bush, unseen by Steve, the stream of piss is slowly
uncovering something covered in mud.
17.
It is a long dead soldier, half his face eaten away by time
and mould. He looks like he died in a lot of pain.
Steve finishes, zips up, and walks off, whistling, having
never noticed what was just a few feet away.
EXT. LODGE CLEARING - DAY
A forest clearing at the bottom edge of a deep valley. The
clearing touches the edge of the valley hill, which is rocky
and steep. It's quite beautiful.
A large, old, L-shaped, two-storey, concrete structure sits
in the middle of the clearing. It looks like a temporary
school, or a Russian box factory.
Behind the lodge is a stream, near that an old path leads
into the woods. The trees are bare, apart from the odd
evergreen, but are packed very close together.
It is just starting to get dark. The weary travellers arrive
and look around in shock. Except, of course, for Gareth, who
looks like he's died and gone to Heaven.
STEVE
Bugger me sideways.
GARETH
Isn't it wonderful?
STEVE
Is this some sort of joke? Cause if
it is, I don't think it's very
funny. Where's the real camp?
RICHARD
This is it.
HARRIS
Are you sure? It looks like a
Russian box factory.
BILLY
It's a bit... rustic.
STEVE
Rustic? RUSTIC? It's prehis-fucking-
storic!
RICHARD
Billy. That's enough.
BILLY
Me? But I didn't-
RICHARD
I said that's enough!
18.
Billy looks sharply at Richard, but manages to stop himself
saying anything, with a visible effort. Harris is struggling
to find the words. He looks at Richard.
HARRIS
I can't even find the words. You've
excelled yourself this time,
Richard, you really have.
Maggie's fancy shoes are filthy, covered in mud.
MAGGIE
Bloody Miu Mius.
STEVE
What the fuck is a moomoo?
Billy shrugs. Maggie sighs at Billy and Steve's ignorance.
MAGGIE
My shoes. They're Miu Mius.
STEVE
Better give 'em back to him, then.
Gareth whips out a Polaroid camera. It has a yellow label
that says "***Gareth's Camera!!***" with a big smiley face.
GARETH
Group photo - smile, everyone!
They all throw dirty looks at Gareth, except for Jill, who
smiles, and Richard, who tries to look important. Steve
gives Gareth the V-sign. Gareth takes the photo.
Scene 9 - The Lodge
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 8
Everyone walks in. This is the kitchen/diner/living room. In
the corner is a wood stove, and a sink. In another corner a
door leads to the hallway.
There's a fireplace, plenty of functional, 50's style
furniture, and wooden floors. Gareth looks at the lodge
pamphlet, which Maggie takes off him and reads aloud.
MAGGIE
(reading aloud)
"Welcome to the Palisade Conference
Centre, your one stop shop for all
your business needs. Have a drink
from the well stocked bar, take a
dip in the jacuzzi, or just while
away the evening by the roaring log
fire."
She looks around at the obvious lack of all those things.
She points at the sink.
19.
MAGGIE (CONT)
That must be the jacuzzi. Me first.
BILLY
Well, at least there's a roof.
GARETH
That's the spirit! It's all
character building!
MAGGIE
Yeah, it always is. Can we light
the fire? I'm freezing.
GARETH
You'll soon warm up when we play
the team games! We're going to have
*so* much fun!
STEVE
We're all going to die out here.
The clowns. Clowns will get us.
RICHARD
We're not going to die, don't be
silly.
Richard takes his clipboard and goes out into the hallway.
MAGGIE
Yeah, because Eastern Europe is
perfectly safe, isn't it?
GARETH
Of course it's safe!
MAGGIE
Apart from the war, famine, and
genocide, of course.
GARETH
That's all over and done with now;
we won't see anything like that.
MAGGIE
We won't see anything in the middle
of winter - it gets dark about half
three in the afternoon. Not very
exotic, is it?
GARETH
Serbia's exotic. So's Romania. They
have wonderful folk songs.
STEVE
Oh, good. Sing us a better fucking
cabin, then.
20.
Harris inspects the fireplace.
HARRIS
Think we could fit Richard in here?
MAGGIE
If we work together as a team.
GARETH
See? Maggie's got the right
attitude.
Maggie gives him the V-sign. Richard comes back in, ticking
items off on his clipboard.
Harris gets his mobile phone out; he presses the buttons,
doing the mobile phone stroll, but can't get a signal.
HARRIS
Shit. Anyone got a phone?
Maggie and Steve throw their phones to Harris, but he
doesn't have any luck with them either.
RICHARD
They won't work in the valley.
HARRIS
Great. I was going to go and stay
in a hotel.
RICHARD
Come on, this is a perfectly nice
place, there's plenty of food, a
fire, electricity, running water -
I've worked in worse offices.
HARRIS
This is supposed to be a break, not
work.
Richard's face hardens. He stands in front of one of the
windows. Outside, it is getting darker.
RICHARD
Harris, we don't pay you to have
fun. This is a business. And team
building weekends, like it or not,
are part of that business.
He walks around as he starts his speech. He's probably
rehearsed it a lot on his own. He stands in front of another
window, but this one is open.
EXT. LODGE CLEARING - DAY
Somebody or something is watching from the woods.
21.
POV: we move slowly out of the woods, towards the lodge,
where we can see Richard giving his speech. We get closer,
creeping up on him stealthily, looking around carefully.
INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - DAY
Richard steps away from the window, still talking.
RICHARD
We need to think out of the box if
we're going to beat last year's
targets. We're not getting much
traction lately, and we need to see
the bigger picture.
He wanders around the room again, stopping by another open
window. He leans on the window sill, his arm hanging out.
RICHARD (CONT)
We need to take ownership of this
weekend. And that means working
together. I can't spell "success"
without "u".
Richard looks as if he's said something really clever. There
is silence as everyone looks daggers at Richard. Steve
wanders out the front door, in a daze.
RICHARD (CONT)
Steve, get b-
STEVE (OFF)
I'm going for a piss.
RICHARD
The toilet's upstairs.
Steve has already gone. Richard stretches, his back to the
window. He turns around and closes it.
Scene 10 - Paranoia in the Woods
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 6
Steve looks around at the bare trees, frowning as some of
them start melting and dissolving. He digs into his pockets,
and pulls out a large, transparent plastic bag.
It is full of pills, all shapes and sizes, the big sheets of
dodgy-looking acid tabs, and lots of joints.
He takes out one or two pills, and knocks them back, taking
out a hip flask to wash them down with. From the grimace,
the flask is obviously full of something very strong.
He takes out a joint, and lights it. He smokes for a while,
keeping an eye out in case someone comes out of the lodge.
22.
Something rustles behind him. He spins around quickly,
hiding the joint, and looks around. There's nothing there.
Steve frowns, and slowly brings the joint out again.
Steve's eyes go glassy, and a dopey grin becomes laminated
to his face. He leans against a tree. He turns his head
quickly, hearing a rustle, and frowns.
In the distance, he sees a boot sticking out from behind a
tree - the boot has the military insignia symbol on it, like
the one in the opening sequence.
Steve is just about to say something, when there is a louder
rustle just to his left. He turns and sees a grinning clown.
The clown moves his arms up and down slowly, creepily.
CLOWN
I thought she was dead?
He points. Five feet away from Steve, an elderly woman in a
blue floral print frock is crawling towards him, with a
knife clenched between her teeth.
Steve shuts his eyes tightly, then opens them again, looking
around quickly. The clown and granny are gone. Steve sighs,
and sips from the hip flask, his hand shaking.
The boot behind the tree is also gone. Behind Steve, over at
the lodge, Harris is outside.
EXT. BACK OF LODGE - DAY
There is a generator housed in a small, wooden cupboard.
Harris tops it up with petrol from one of several cans. He
finds the starter cord, and gives it a yank. It splutters.
He yanks it again, several times, until eventually it coughs
into life, smoke coming out the top.
INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - DAY
Harris comes in, and sees the lit light bulb. Maggie
applauds Harris, who bows graciously. Gareth, Jill and
Richard take their bags upstairs. Billy stands aimlessly.
With the light on, Harris can see a large hook set into the
ceiling in one corner. It's not sharp, but looks quite
sturdy. Harris frowns at it, and walks out.
EXT. MAGICAL FOREST PATH - DAY
It is getting dark in the forest, but suddenly the path is
strewn with fairy lights and torches. Steve wanders down it.
Suddenly, a deer confronts him.
23.
It begins talking at him, in Serbian (no subtitles). It
talks angrily.
STEVE
I don't know what you're saying.
I'm English. Eng-lish.
The deer looks surprised, and begins speaking English in a
cut-glass BBC accent.
DEER
Oh you are? Splendid!
STEVE
You can talk?
DEER
Of course not. Don't be stupid.
STEVE
Oh. Okay.
DEER
Now get out of my forest. Fucking
druggie.
Steve frowns at the deer, but it starts screeching at him,
really loudly. Steve jumps, and runs away.
INT. LODGE DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY
Harris wanders down the hall, glancing into the utility
rooms. He gets to an archway leading down to the cellar. A
banging, clanking noise comes from the cellar.
INT. LODGE CELLAR STEPS - DAY
Harris walks down the steps, slowly. It's not easy going:
the stairs are crooked and creaky. The banging, clanking
noise gets louder as Harris approaches.
EXT. DARK FOREST PATH - DAY
Steve runs along the dark forest path, looking all around
him. He's paranoid, imagining all sorts of things in the
shadows.
All around him, the forest rustles, creaks, and crackles.
Someone or something follows him, keeping a cautious
distance between them.
24.
INT. LODGE CELLAR - DAY
The light is very dim in here. Harris gets a lighter out and
flicks it on. The cellar is full of old furniture, covered
in sheets, and lots of old filing cabinets.
At one end of the cellar is a fuse box. Wind is getting in
through cracks in the wood, and making the fuse box door
swing around, banging and clanking.
Harris shuts the fuse box door, firmly. It stays still. He
opens one of the filing cabinets, and finds hundreds of old
files with photographs of various men, names, dates, etc.
The files are written in some Cyrillic text Harris cannot
understand. They have the same military insignia on them
that was on the boots in the opening sequence.
Harris puts them back into the file drawer. He looks at the
objects covered in sheets, and stands right in front of one.
He stares at it. It doesn't move.
Harris steels himself, grabs the sheet, and pulls it off. It
reveals a plastic, life-size skeleton on a stand, like the
ones in doctors' offices.
Harris sighs, not even remotely scared.
INT. LODGE STUDY - DAY
This is a medium sized room on the ground floor with a musty
desk, chair, and an ottoman-style chest.
Richard puts office stuff on the desk - stapler, papers,
pens, notepads, post-its, photo of his wife and kids, etc.
He tidies it, fussily.
In the hallway, Billy walks past. He looks at Richard
briefly, shaking his head. Richard spots Billy, and points
at a load of rubbish on the floor.
RICHARD
Billy, clean this place up, it's a
mess. I need my office to be tidy.
Billy walks in, clearly reluctant, but not wanting to get
into trouble. Richard walks out, pompously. Billy sighs.
Scene 11 - Skeletons and Seduction
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 8
Harris walks in, carrying the plastic skeleton on a stand.
HARRIS
I've found a skeleton.
25.
He places it in the middle of the room. Jill and Gareth come
back into the room, where Maggie sits, bored. Steve runs in
through the front door, sweating.
JILL
What's the matter?
STEVE
Nothing.
MAGGIE
Maybe I can help you relax, Steve.
Maggie stands up and walks towards Steve. She smiles at him
seductively. Steve looks at her, uncertainly. Maggie starts
undoing her shirt, swaying sexily. Steve smiles.
MAGGIE
Hot in here, isn't it? Why don't we
just take off our clothes, and see
what happens?
STEVE
Innit!
Steve starts undoing his belt buckle enthusiastically.
MAGGIE
What are you doing?
STEVE
Eh?
Maggie is still sitting in the chair, fully clothed. Steve
has his belt half open. Everyone is looking at him. He does
his belt up again, slowly, not sure what is real anymore.
He backs away, and turns around to see the skeleton right
behind him. He screams.
STEVE
Jeeeeeesus!
Steve runs out of the room, terrified. Maggie rolls her
eyes, and Harris chuckles to himself.
INT. LODGE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY
Steve sees that Gareth has got a big room. Steve throws
Gareth's bag into the small room, and takes his own bag into
the big room. He lies down, making himself get a grip.
EXT. LODGE CLEARING - DAY/NIGHT
Night is falling, making the woods and the lodge look even
more sinister.
26.
Scene 12 - The Lodge's Dark Past
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 7
The gang (except Steve) sit around the fireplace. A fire is
lit, some candles too. The gang are eating some of the pork
pies that were left out, and drinking plenty of wine.
It's raining outside. A pot has been placed under a leak in
the roof, making an interesting plinky plonky sound. Gareth
eats using a fork on his Swiss army penknife.
Maggie taps a spoon on her plate. Richard glares at her, and
she stops, making a face. Jill smiles politely when anyone
catches her eye. Harris rolls and unrolls his tie.
Gareth still looks cheerful. He doodles on the outside of
his folder - smiley faces, motivational sayings ("I am a
powerful, unique person, and I deserve to win"), and so on.
HARRIS
George is definitely coming, isn't
he?
RICHARD
Yes. For the last time, he will be
here. He is committed to this
weekend, and to the team.
MAGGIE
Good for him.
Maggie takes out a cigarette and lighter, stands up, opens
the front door and stands in the doorway, smoking.
As Maggie smokes, she hears the faint sound of a twig
snapping in the forest. She looks out into the clearing, but
can't see anybody.
She thinks she can see something moving, but isn't sure. She
leans a bit further out--
--and something runs along the porch, making her jump. It is
a squirrel. It hisses at Maggie, then scampers off. Maggie
flicks it the V-sign.
BILLY
Not having any pie, Maggie?
MAGGIE
Are you serious? I can feel my
arteries clogging just looking at
them.
Steve wanders back into the room from upstairs, shakily. He
sits down. He looks over at the window. A clown face stares
in, grinning.
27.
It draws a finger across its throat and points at Steve. Its
face melts. There is now a silhouette of somebody with a
wide brimmed hat staring in.
Steve shuts his eyes, shakes his head, and looks up again.
Both clown and hat man have gone. Steve breathes out slowly,
shaking his head.
Jill takes out an asthma inhaler, and inhales a dose.
She then gets out a bottle of prescription pills, and takes
one with some water. Steve looks at her, interested, one
pill popper to another. Jill sees him nodding at the pills.
JILL
For my blood pressure. White ones
twice a day, yellow once a day,
blue once a week. My sister takes
them too, she has trouble with her
monthlies, and she always says-
STEVE
All right, all right, didn't ask
for your life story.
Jill looks down, embarrassed. Her hand shakes slightly as
she closes the pill bottle. Silence again. Billy breaks it.
BILLY
So what was this place before we
turned it into this luxury villa?
HARRIS
What, nobody told you?
BILLY
No.
Harris raises an eyebrow.
HARRIS
Back during the last war, these
were all lunatic asylums. State
run, no money, the usual. Anyway,
they'd been getting funny reports
about some of them, complaints from
the locals, so they sent an
inspector to check it out.
We see the exaggerated visuals accompanying the story: A
huge, gothic version of the lodge looms up in the darkness,
a man in a suit approaches, during a wild thunderstorm.
HARRIS (CONT)
He arrived late one night, and
asked the staff what was going on.
They showed him around, said
everything was fine. But it wasn't.
(MORE)
28.
HARRIS (CONT) (cont'd)
The inspector noticed that the
inmates were going bananas,
screaming at him to let them out.
The inspector walks down a white corridor lined with padded
cells. Faces scream at the windows, furious, terrified.
HARRIS (CONT)
Then he realised that everybody was
wearing the wrong clothes - the
inmates had taken over, and locked
up the doctors. Turns out it's
happened at all of the asylums. The
inmates that were let out each time
went to the next asylum to let the
others out, and so on and so on.
We see an ever-growing army of exaggerated lunatics running
from one asylum to the next, to free the next set of
inmates.
Back in the original one, in the white corridor, all the
"staff" turn to face the inspector, grinning madly. The
inspector screams.
HARRIS (CONT)
Took them months to catch them all.
After that, they sold all the
buildings off cheap to Palisade. We
got them for next to nothing. They
never found the inspector, though.
He sits back, satisfied. Billy is fascinated. Everybody else
is amazed at the dodgy tale.
JILL
That's not what happened.
HARRIS
It is.
JILL
So if they never found the
inspector, how did they find out
about it?
HARRIS
I don't know all the details.
JILL
You can say that again. Don't
listen to him, Billy, he's got it
all wrong.
HARRIS
Okay then, you tell it.
29.
JILL
It was during the last conflict,
before all the countries got new
names. These places were detention
centres for war criminals. Soldiers
who got to like the killing a bit
too much. Too unstable even for the
genocide.
We see the visuals, different this time: A group of soldiers
machine-gunning about fifty people lined up, laughing
crazily as they kill them.
JILL (CONT)
They wiped out whole villages,
burned children alive, put heads on
spikes. They even - you know - did
sex things with the bodies.
A soldier climbs out of a mass grave, lighting a cigarette
and sighing contentedly. He is covered in blood.
Scene 13 - Dinner with Detention Centers
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 9
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 8
They built these detention centres,
and locked the soldiers away. Tried
to "cure" them, but it was no good.
We see a row of prison cells filled with hollow-eyed
soldiers. We go past them, and into a room filled with
medical experimentation devices.
A soldier is strapped into a chair, with electro-shock
terminals attached to his head - they are just left switched
on, burning into his skull. He screams in agony.
JILL (CONT)
Eventually, they just abandoned the
buildings, and left the soldiers to
die. Much later, Palisade came
along, and spent about a year
cleaning the buildings up. As
quickly as possible.
We see several large, white vans with the Palisade logo on.
Men in chemical protection suits are using flamethrowers to
clean out the buildings, and shooting at injured soldiers.
A wounded soldier runs away, screaming, on fire.
JILL (CONT)
It was hushed up, but all of the
soldiers were killed - except for
one, who escaped. And they never
found him...
Jill sits back, her gory tale at an end. Steve snorts.
30.
STEVE
That is *such* bollocks. Where do
you get this shit from? Palisade
wouldn't go round executing people,
even if they were psychos.
JILL
That's what I heard, anyway.
STEVE
Well you're both wrong. This is
what really happened. Back in the
sixties, these places were private
hospitals for rich fuckers. All the
nurses were foxy chicks, and they
used to get really lonely.
We see Steve's version: impossibly beautiful young women
sashaying around in tight nurse outfits, in soft focus.
STEVE (OFF)
Anyway, they went a bit mad with
sexual frustration. They couldn't
shag the patients, they were all
old gits who couldn't get it up
anymore. So they went for each
other. Couldn't get enough. They
were so sex mad, they let all the
patients die.
The nurses are dragging each other off to broom cupboards
lustfully, while the elderly patients gasp for breath,
dying, in need of medication.
STEVE (OFF)
Except for one young bloke who
turned up one day with a broken
leg. They moved him into an empty
ward, and-
MAGGIE
Steve. Does this story end with
that man having sex with all the
nurses?
STEVE
Oh, you know it, then?
Billy looks at them all.
BILLY
So... are any of the stories true?
MAGGIE
Sure. Pick the one you like, or
make one up yourself.
31.
BILLY
I think I like Steve's one best.
Steve winks at him.
STEVE
Innit?
Steve takes a big mouthful of pie. There is a nasty
crunching sound. Everybody winces, and looks at Steve.
Steve looks confused, and pulls something out of his mouth.
His eyes widen. It's a tooth. Harris smiles.
HARRIS
Bit young to be losing your teeth,
Steve. It's all downhill from here.
STEVE
It's not mine.
Steve is gradually realising what this means.
STEVE (CONT)
It's not my tooth; I haven't got
any gold fillings.
He holds it up. It's a single tooth with a gold filling.
Steve is starting to look quite ill.
RICHARD
Are you sure? It might be a clove.
STEVE
Does it look like a fucking clove?
Oh God, I'm going to puke.
Everybody puts down their forks. Maggie flicks away her
cigarette and comes in to look.
JILL
Could it be, I don't know... the
cow's tooth?
Steve stares at her, stunned. He drops the tooth.
STEVE
The cow's tooth? Do cows have
fucking GOLD FILLINGS?
RICHARD
Okay, calm down; sometimes people
drop things into food when they're
cooking. One time I dropped my
watch into some chicken soup.
MAGGIE
You don't just drop your teeth.
32.
JILL
Actually, one time my sister-
STEVE
I don't want to know! They must
have chopped up the last people who
stayed here, made pies out of them!
And now we're eating them!
RICHARD
Why would they do that?
STEVE
Cause they're cannibals!
BILLY
If they're cannibals, why would
they make *us* eat people?
Steve thinks about it. Billy's got a point.
STEVE
Cause... the... I don't know.
RICHARD
There you go. Haven't you ever had
a tooth fall out before?
Everyone thinks about this. They all look at each other,
uneasily. Harris can't resist stirring it up, for a laugh.
HARRIS
Unless the cannibals are feeding us
humans because they like their
meals to be stuffed! Woo-oooooh!
STEVE
Oh shit! Oh shit!
MAGGIE
Harris!
Maggie throws the remains of her pie at Harris, who ducks.
RICHARD
Pick that up.
Steve pops some pills to calm himself down. Several pills
later, his eyes go glassy, and he spaces out.
Billy crumples up the newspaper around his pie, but
something catches his eye. He opens out the paper fully,
dropping the pie and crumbs all over the floor.
BILLY
Look.
He shows them the newspaper, and they all crowd around.
33.
There is an article which has the word "Palisade" in the
headline. The rest of the article, and in fact the whole
newspaper, is in Serbian.
Scene 14 - Nighttime Preparations
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
Bollocks. Anybody speak Serbian?
GARETH
Oh! Um, I know some French!
HARRIS
That's great, but Serbian is a
totally different language.
RICHARD
Nobody knows any Serbian? Steve?
Steve stares at Richard, frowning. From Steve's Point-Of-
View, we see that he can't understand anyone at all:
MAGGIE
Lobber nobber? Fobber gobber dobber
lobber?
BILLY
Habba gabba, dabba flabba yabba.
RICHARD
Blurgle spurgle. Urgle burgle?
HARRIS
(high pitched,
screeching)
Skeeeeeeeeeebiejeebiejeebiejeebie!
Everyone wears top hats, and Harris has a child perched on
his shoulders. The child waves at Steve. Steve shakes his
head, looking frightened. We go back to normal again.
MAGGIE
Why would Palisade be mentioned in
a local paper? They must have done
something wrong.
HARRIS
Yeah, it can't be anything
heartwarming, can it?
RICHARD
You're all being completely
irrational. Our company is
extremely well regarded.
MAGGIE
For what? Food with teeth in?
Everyone looks at each other.
34.
INT. LODGE/VARIOUS ROOMS - NIGHT
Everyone is getting ready for bed. Like a predator, we prowl
around the lodge, spying on their preparations.
INT. BILLY'S ROOM / STEVE'S ROOM - NIGHT
Maggie and Billy are in Billy's room. They have been
chatting for a while, getting on well, starting to flirt.
Billy is fresh out the shower, and wears a towel, showing
off his rippling torso. He is drying his hair as he talks.
In his room opposite, Steve isn't happy about this, and is
keeping an eye on the situation, while eating crisps. He
inspects each crisp carefully before eating it.
MAGGIE
Why do you let Richard talk to you
like that?
BILLY
He's not that bad. Once you get
past all the business talk, he's
decent enough.
MAGGIE
Are you serious? He's a dick. You
should stand up for yourself. Tell
him "no" once in a while.
BILLY
There's a space opening up in our
New York branch next year. I want
that space.
MAGGIE
Oh, right. You'll have to eat a lot
of shit between now and then.
BILLY
I know. It could be worse, though.
MAGGIE
Yeah, you could be eating that
horrible Marmite stuff.
In his room opposite, Steve is clearly desperate to be
involved in the conversation. He tries to think of some way
he can join in, as the other two carry on talking.
BILLY
I love Marmite!
MAGGIE
Eugh. Filthy, smelly salt paste, I
don't know how you can stand it.
35.
BILLY
It's gorgeous.
MAGGIE
What's it even made of?
BILLY
Yeast extract. It's very good for
you. It's got loads of vitamins,
and hardly any fat or sugar.
MAGGIE
I'd rather eat shit on toast.
Finally, something Steve knows about. He leans out of his
bedroom doorway, and pipes up quickly:
STEVE
I hate Marmite too.
It sounds really plaintive and pathetic. Maggie and Billy
just look at him. Steve looks away, embarrassed.
INT. LODGE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
We move away from Steve's embarrassment, and pass by
Richard's room.
Richard is laying out all his clothes, and folding them
neatly, ticking them off on his clipboard - Pants (3),
Shirts (5), etc. There are little tickboxes next to them.
We move away from his room, and see Gareth looking for his
room. He leans into Steve's room, confused, wondering where
his stuff went.
GARETH
I thought that this was-
STEVE
You thought wrong. You're down the
end.
GARETH
Right. Sorry.
Steve kicks the door shut. Gareth finds his room at the end.
It is dark, cobwebby, and scary looking. He walks in,
clearly trying to make the best of it. He opens his bag.
He takes out little postcards with motivational sayings on -
"Understand before trying to be understood", "You cannot
change what you don't acknowledge", and so on.
He starts placing them around the room. Down along the hall
we go, past Harris' room. Harris is doing pushups.
36.
Harris has some books on his bed: "The SAS Survival Manual",
"The Art of War", "Sell! Sell! Sell", and "Only Take 'No'
for an Answer When You're Dead".
We slowly approach the bathroom. Somebody is inside. We move
towards the bathroom door...
Scene 15 - Nighttime Paranoid Hallucinations
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 9
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 6
...and in we go, through clouds of steam from the hot water.
A shadowy figure lurks near the sink, draped in a long
outfit. We move closer, until the figure turns around.
It is Jill, in a long dressing gown.
We move in towards the mirrored bathroom cabinet. For a
moment, it looks like there is a shape in the reflection,
but before we can see it, Jill opens the cabinet door.
She starts loading up the cabinet with her pill bottles, all
shapes and sizes. She keeps a couple with her, including her
asthma inhaler, and puts them in her pocket.
She is about to close the bathroom cabinet, but stops. She
takes out another pill bottle, and then closes the cabinet.
There is no longer a shape in the mirror.
INT. LODGE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
Jill comes out the bathroom, walking straight into Steve.
They both scream a little bit, then look embarrassed. They
shuffle past each other, really awkwardly.
INT. LODGE BATHROOM - NIGHT
Steve goes into the bathroom with his toothbrush and
toothpaste. He opens the mirrored bathroom cabinet, and
whistles at the amount of pills inside it.
He opens a few bottles, stealing some of the pills. He
closes the cabinet door, and Harris' face appears in the
reflection, making a scary face. Steve screams.
STEVE
You bastard!
HARRIS
You big wimp. Hurry up, I need the
toilet.
DISSOLVE TO:
37.
INT. GARETH'S ROOM - NIGHT
Gareth is fast asleep. His travel clock shows twenty past
three a.m.
INT. BILLY'S ROOM - NIGHT
Billy lies awake, thinking.
INT. STEVE'S ROOM - NIGHT
Steve sits by his open window, having a crafty joint. He
hears a creak, and glances over to his half open door.
Somebody walks past, but Steve can't make out who it is.
INT. HARRIS' ROOM - NIGHT
Harris mumbles in his sleep. Behind him, a shadow moves past
his doorway. Moments later, a high-pitched, nerve-shredding
scream shocks him out of bed.
INT. JILL'S ROOM - NIGHT
Jill is screaming blue fucking murder.
Everyone bursts into the room, shouting, panicking. The
light comes on, people wave torches, confused, scared.
Harris grabs Jill by the shoulders and shakes her.
HARRIS
What's wrong? What happened?
JILL
Someone was in the room!
BILLY
What? One of us, or someone else?
JILL
Someone else.
STEVE
Could have been a badger.
JILL
It wasn't a bloody badger! He was
huge, taller than any of you.
HARRIS
All right, calm down. Look, maybe-
Jill sees something behind them, and lets out another
earsplitting scream. Everybody jumps. She points. On the
floor are some muddy footprints.
38.
STEVE
Bloody hell, I'm going to have a
heart attack in a minute.
JILL
They weren't there when I went to
bed!
HARRIS
Are you sure?
JILL
I'm positive!
Jill whimpers, and Maggie tries to comfort her, awkwardly.
Harris and Steve exchange glances. Their faces say it all -
here we go again, daft Jill panicking for no reason.
Jill starts gasping for breath, and fumbles for her asthma
inhaler, taking a deep drag from it.
GARETH
Shall I make some tea?
RICHARD
Harris, take Billy and Steve, go
and check outside, just in case.
HARRIS
What about you?
RICHARD
I'll keep an eye on things here.
Harris expected as much. He looks at Billy and Steve.
HARRIS
Come on then.
Billy, Steve, and Harris go outside to check things out.
EXT. LODGE CLEARING - NIGHT
Billy, Steve, and Harris cautiously peer out the door. They
come out fully, brandishing torches.
HARRIS
Don't go too far.
STEVE
Yeah, right.
They search the area with the torches. There is nobody
there. They look at each other and shrug.
39.
STEVE
I saw someone walking around in the
corridor, but it must have been one
of us.
HARRIS
Why didn't you say that upstairs?
STEVE
Cause Jill would have fucking
screamed the place down again.
BILLY
Is she always like this?
STEVE
She’s just imagining it, she’s
paranoid. Come on - we all know
there's nobody out here.
Harris nods, then leads them back inside.
Over at the edge of the clearing, someone or something lurks
behind a tree, watching them. Harris turns for one last
look, and the hidden figure ducks behind a tree.
Harris doesn't see anything, and goes inside.
Scene 16 - Nighttime Tensions
- Overall: 7.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 7
The boys come back. Richard is pacing up and down. Gareth
hovers, trying to be helpful.
HARRIS
Nothing out there. Jill, are you
sure you weren't just dreaming?
JILL
Yes! What about the footprints?
BILLY
Could have been one of us during
the day. Maybe George was here.
Everybody looks at everybody else, shrugging.
HARRIS
Well there's nobody here now. Tell
you what, in the morning we'll see
if we can get a phone signal up the
hill, get someone to come and pick
you up. How's that?
JILL
Really?
40.
HARRIS
Sure.
RICHARD
Wait a minute-
STEVE
Can I go too?
HARRIS
Maybe we should all go. I don't
think this is working out. We'll go
to a hotel.
STEVE
Yesssss! Go on, my son!
RICHARD
Anyone who leaves, gets a written
warning, right now. Billy, you're
on even thinner ice - last in,
first out, as they say.
BILLY
I'm not staying here on my own.
RICHARD
I'll be here.
BILLY
Then I'm definitely leaving.
RICHARD
Oh, really? Then you can kiss
goodbye to that transfer.
GARETH
I agree with Richard. I think we
should stay.
STEVE
Oh, surprise sur-fuckin-prise.
RICHARD
Steve! That's enough!
GARETH
It's okay, he's entitled to-
RICHARD
You too, Gareth.
JILL
Please don't make me stay.
Jill is opening one of her pill bottles with a shaking hand.
She drops it, and pills fall all over the place. Billy helps
her pick them up.
41.
RICHARD
You know the rules, Jill.
HARRIS
Leave her alone, Richard. George
isn't here, the place is a mess,
it's all gone wrong, admit it.
RICHARD
We can discuss it in the morning.
HARRIS
Whatever. Jill, will you be okay
for the rest of the night?
JILL
I think so, yes. Thank you.
STEVE
You should stay with Maggie
tonight. Just in case.
He's talking to Jill, but glancing at Billy and Maggie,
clearly trying to stop any night-time shenanigans.
JILL
Oh, yes, would that be okay?
Maggie isn't happy about it. She starts to say no, but looks
at Jill's petrified face, and takes pity on her.
MAGGIE
Sure it is. We'll bring your
mattress and sheets in.
STEVE
Nice!
His voice implies that he knows *exactly* what sort of thing
they'll be getting up to. Maggie clips him round the ear,
annoyed.
INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
Billy and Harris jam a chair under the door handle. They
pull the door experimentally. It doesn't budge. They nod.
HARRIS
Don't mind Richard, he can't do
anything without a good reason.
BILLY
Didn't sound like that to me.
HARRIS
He can bark all he wants, but
George has the final say.
(MORE)
42.
HARRIS (cont'd)
Besides, I can prove Richard's
fiddling his expenses - if he tries
to shaft you, I'll have a quiet
word.
BILLY
Thanks, Harris.
Harris winks at Billy, and claps him on the back.
INT. MAGGIE'S ROOM - NIGHT
Jill and Maggie drag Jill's mattress and bedclothes inside.
Jill looks at Maggie, gratefully, wanting to say something,
but a bit embarrassed. She manages to speak.
JILL
Thank you, Maggie.
MAGGIE
You'd do the same for me.
JILL
Yes, of course I would.
MAGGIE
Look, I know we've never really
been friends or anything...
JILL
We just got off on the wrong foot,
that's all.
MAGGIE
No, I'm just a bad tempered cow
sometimes, but it's nice of you not
to say so. Let's start again, from
tonight.
She offers her hand. Jill takes it, and they shake hands,
awkwardly. They'll never be best friends, but they've made
more progress tonight than in the past two years.
Scene 17 - Morning Departure
- Overall: 7.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 6
- Dialogue: 7
Morning has broken. The seven office samurai are getting
their things together. Steve is feeling a bit ropey -
everything's a bit too bright, sober and real for him.
Breakfast is served - crisps and sweets. The gang eat
hungrily. Maggie shows two packets to Billy.
MAGGIE
Smokey bacon, and salt and vinegar -
it's almost a fryup.
43.
Billy shows his packet to Maggie.
BILLY
Cheese and chives. That's almost
one of my mum's parties.
Steve tries to join in, and looks at his crisps - they are
Ready Salted. He can't think of a joke.
Harris finishes eating. He puts on his shoes and starts
lacing them up. Richard stands up and comes over to him.
RICHARD
Harris. Can we talk?
HARRIS
What about?
Richard is talking quietly, trying not to make a scene, but
Harris is talking at normal volume, even slightly louder.
RICHARD
In my office, if you don't mind.
HARRIS
Your "office"? No, I don't think
so. Look, if we get a signal, we're
leaving. We can do the team games
in a hotel. I'm sure George won't
mind, if he ever turns up.
RICHARD
Okay, we can send Jill to a hotel,
but we are not-
HARRIS
This conversation is over. Okay?
Harris smiles at Richard firmly, indicating that if he
pushes it any further, there'll be trouble. Richard pretends
he hasn't given in, with:
RICHARD
We'll discuss it later.
HARRIS
Sure we will.
Behind Richard, there is an outbreak of intense, quiet
sniggering. Richard turns around sharply, but everyone is
immediately the picture of innocence.
HARRIS
Okay. Two of us go, everyone else
stays here.
44.
STEVE
I'll go; I'm not hanging around
here with the cub scout here.
He points at Gareth. Gareth is wearing oversize shorts, and
a khaki shirt, and is whittling a piece of wood with a Swiss
army penknife.
HARRIS
No. We'll do it fairly.
Harris gets seven matches, and snaps two to make them short.
He turns away from the others for a minute.
He turns back around, the tops of the matches poking out
from his hand. He offers them to Steve. Steve sighs, and
picks one. It is a long one.
STEVE
Bollocks. Can I have another go?
HARRIS
No. Billy.
Billy takes one - it's long. Then each person in turn. Jill
and Harris end up with short straws. Jill looks nervous.
STEVE
Fix!
HARRIS
Are you okay to go, Jill?
JILL
Yes, I'm fine, I'll be fine.
Jill is quaking silently, popping pills and blasting herself
with the asthma inhaler. She's clearly not fine.
MAGGIE
Where will you go?
HARRIS
We'll just follow the road. Past
that landslide, it goes up the side
of the valley; we should get high
enough after a while.
Jill and Harris get up.
HARRIS
We'll try the bus driver first. If
all else fails, we'll call the
police and make something up. We'll
say Richard had an accident.
RICHARD
But I haven't.
45.
HARRIS
Don't worry, we can arrange
something.
Richard half-smiles, not sure if it's a joke or not.
HARRIS (CONT)
See you later. Behave yourselves.
The rest wave, as Jill and Harris leave.
Gareth claps his hands together.
GARETH
Right. Who's up for team games?
Scene 18 - Escape Attempts
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 7
Jill and Harris walk along the road, coming from the road
that leads to the lodge, and passing the landslide.
It's an uphill walk, and cold - they are glad to be wearing
their coats. Jill throws terrified glances at the woods.
HARRIS
Anything yet?
Jill checks her mobile phone. It's still not working. She
shakes her head. Harris looks at his own phone, which is
also useless.
HARRIS (CONT)
This is going to take hours. Fancy
just climbing up?
Jill looks to their left. The valley wall rises far, far up
above them. If it were any steeper, it would be past
vertical, and falling back on to the road.
JILL
Not really, no.
They walk on. The sun is high in the sky. Jill looks away.
JILL (CONT)
I didn't imagine it, you know. I
really did see someone.
HARRIS
Don't worry about it. We'll be out
of here soon.
JILL
It's a nice area. Until last night,
I was quite enjoying myself.
46.
HARRIS
Really?
JILL
Weren't you?
HARRIS
This isn't really my sort of thing.
I prefer the city. Cleaner, safer,
less wild animals.
Jill nods. They walk on a bit further.
JILL
So what do you think they're up to
now?
HARRIS
God knows. I tell you what, though -
I bet they *won't* be playing
bloody team games.
They smile at the thought, and walk on.
EXT. WOODS - DAY
Billy and Steve walk through the woods. They wear combat
gear and carry paintball guns. They look embarrassed.
STEVE
Load of bollocks.
Billy stops Steve, and points. Up ahead is a squirrel. Steve
quickly takes aim, but Billy pulls his arm down, shaking his
head. Steve pouts. The squirrel scampers away.
They walk on, and Billy stops suddenly. In a clearing ahead,
they can see Richard hiding behind a tree. He hasn't seen
them yet. Near him is a small sandbag fort.
BILLY
Where's Maggie?
STEVE
Why?
Steve says it too sharply. Billy notices, and smiles.
BILLY
Why don't you just ask her out?
STEVE
Pfft. Women like Maggie don't like
blokes like me. They like pretty
boys like you. No offence.
47.
BILLY
I like Maggie, I really do. But I
could never love somebody who
didn't like Marmite.
STEVE
Really?
BILLY
Really. Go for it. Ask her out. Be
a man.
STEVE
I'll think about it.
About fifty yards away, there is a stealthy movement.
Somebody runs from right to left, incredibly fast, dodging
trees, just a flash of camouflage gear.
Billy and Steve fire their paintball guns furiously, trying
to track the running figure, but it is too fast.
BILLY
Bloody hell. I didn't think Maggie
could run that fast.
STEVE
She must have taken off those
pointy shoes.
BILLY
Did you see where she went?
STEVE
No, she must be hiding. Richard's
still there, though.
BILLY
I know. Let's get him. I mean,
really get him.
STEVE
Yeah. Let's paint the bastard
bright yellow.
BILLY
Okay, here's the plan: we-
Several yards away, someone pulls a branch to one side,
spying on the two men. Billy hears something, and turns.
The person hiding quickly ducks down, and Billy carries on
whispering to Steve.
48.
Scene 19 - The Abandoned Bus
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 7
Jill and Harris turn a corner, waving the mobile phones
around, trying to get service, chattering away.
HARRIS
I'm serious, when they cut off
Marie Antoinette's head, she looked
up from the basket and saw the
bloody stump of her neck before she
died.
JILL
It's just not physically possible.
HARRIS
Brain activity continues up to
thirty seconds after decapitation.
If your head lands at the right
angle, you can see your headless
body before you die.
JILL
No, that's bollocks!
HARRIS
Why? There's still blood in the
head, there's still oxygen in the
brain - Jill, did you just use a
swearword?
JILL
Um...
HARRIS
That's the second one this year.
You'll get a reputation, you know.
JILL
I've got a long, long way to go
before I overtake any of you.
Harris laughs, and realises that he really likes Jill. She
smiles back at him, looking happy at last. They suddenly
notice something and stop dead, their faces dropping.
Up ahead is the minibus.
It is in the middle of the road, parked sideways. The
headlights are smashed. Jill and Harris look at each other,
then approach the minibus slowly.
EXT. FORT CLEARING - DAY
Richard crouches behind his tree, as before, ready for
action. He is well protected by the trees. Maggie is nowhere
to be seen. Richard waits, primed for an assault.
49.
Silence. The calm before the storm.
EXT. ROAD - DAY
Harris walks to the door of the bus and looks in. The
driver's seat is empty. Flies buzz around it. Jill gets out
her inhaler, and takes a couple of hits.
JILL
Where's the driver?
HARRIS
He couldn't have been around here
the whole time.
JILL
He must have been kidnapped. Or
murdered.
Harris notices that the keys are still in the ignition. He
gingerly opens the driver door. There is a trickling sound.
They look down, and see a trickle of blood coming out of the
bus, splattering near their shoes. They jump back,
disgusted.
Harris turns the ignition key. The engine coughs. He tries
again. Nothing. The third time, the engine belches into
life.
JILL
I think I'm going to be sick.
HARRIS
It's okay, we have the bus, we're
safe now.
JILL
But what happened to the driver?
Harris looks at Jill, uncertainly. He is unable to think of
an answer that won't terrify her.
Scene 20 - Bear Trap
- Overall: 7.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 6
- Dialogue: 5
Steve runs into the clearing, roaring a war cry.
STEVE
Kawasaki! Ducati! Sony!
He starts firing wildly. Richard jumps, and pelts Steve with
paintballs. Steve keeps running, screeching in pain.
STEVE (CONT)
Ow! Ow! Fuck, that hurts!
50.
As the attack goes on, Billy crawls along the ground from
the left. Nobody sees him. He moves slowly, keeping low.
It is perfect. Richard concentrates on Steve, while Billy
reaches the fort. Billy stands up, smiling, and reaches for
the flag. He glances down.
Maggie is lying on her back inside the fort, grinning, gun
pointed right at Billy. Billy rolls his eyes.
MAGGIE
Close, but no cigar. You're dead,
sucker!
She shoots him in the chest several times, splattering him
with paint. Richard erupts from the woods, cheering.
RICHARD
We won! You're all dead!
BILLY
Oh yeah? Well somehow I survived.
I'm taking the flag!
Billy grabs the flag, then shoots Richard in the chest,
enjoying himself hugely.
MAGGIE
You'll get a black mark in Gareth's
rulebook for this.
BILLY
Good!
Billy sticks the flag into his goggle strap, then picks up
Maggie, throwing her over his shoulder.
BILLY (CONT)
Men - I have the flag! And a comely
wench! We shall make sport tonight!
He runs off with Maggie and the flag, Maggie screaming with
laughter. Steve is laughing, even Richard has lightened up -
they both start pelting Billy and Maggie with paintballs.
MAGGIE
Hey! I'm on your team, Richard! And
so is my ass!
The game descends into farce, with people running around in
circles, shooting at each other and laughing. Gareth
appears, with his whistle. He blows the whistle.
GARETH
Now, I think we broke a few little
rules here and there, didn't we?
51.
There is a pause while the others look at each other, then
without a word, they all run at Gareth, pelting him silly
with paintballs.
GARETH (CONT)
Ow! Ow! That hurts! Stop! I'm the
activities co-ordinator! Help!
Steve waves his gun around in triumph. Gareth runs away from
the paintballs--
--and steps right into a beartrap, a rusty, metal one
concealed in the grass - circular with a serrated edge,
really heavy, spring-loaded, and very nasty.
It closes on his left shin with a thunk and a crunch. Gareth
screeches in agony, and falls down heavily. Everyone jumps
back in panic.
STEVE
What the fuck?
BILLY
Quick, help me get it off him. Turn
him over.
They grab Gareth, picking him up awkwardly, not quite sure
what to do. They move him round a bit, but the trap has a
chain attached, with one end driven into the ground.
The slack in the chain runs out, yanking Gareth back, and
they drop him. The trap teeth dig further into his leg, and
blood oozes out. He whimpers, close to fainting.
Billy uses a stick to yank the chain out of the ground.
The trap is quite big, with a massive spring on either side
of the teeth. Billy tries pressing one of the springs down,
but it won't budge.
BILLY (CONT)
Get on the other side of it. After
three - one, two, three, go.
Billy stands on one spring, Steve stands on the other. The
spring opens halfway, partially releasing the trap. Steve's
foot slips off the spring, and it slams shut again.
Clang! Everybody winces as Gareth screams in agony again.
The teeth dig even further into his leg.
BILLY (CONT)
Shit! Sorry! Okay, one more time.
One, two, three...
They stand on the springs again, and get the trap fully
open. Gareth pulls his leg out. They release the trap, and
it slams shut, splattering blood on the grass.
52.
The trap has cut almost all the way through his leg, about
eight inches above his ankle. Billy picks Gareth up, and the
whole thing falls off, his foot landing in the grass.
Steve has a small cut on his finger, and isn't too brave
about it.
STEVE
My fucking finger! It's killing-
He notices Gareth's foot, and shuts up, embarrassed.
They pick up Gareth, and his foot, and hurry out of the
clearing, watching where they step.
Scene 21 - Trapped in the Clearing
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 7
It is starting to get dark. The gang carry Gareth along the
path and into the clearing. Just before they reach it, Billy
stops them, holding his hand up.
He gets a stick, and pokes about in the leaves on the path.
There is another beartrap hidden there, the same type that
got Gareth. Billy sets it off with the stick, and they carry
Gareth past it. Billy looks around on the ground.
BILLY
There's more.
There are two traps either side of the sprung one. Billy
pokes about, using a longer stick this time. As the others
watch, he uncovers more and more of them.
They put Gareth down for a minute. He is unconscious. Billy
uncovers all of the traps, in a big circle right around the
edge of the clearing, surrounding the lodge.
MAGGIE
They weren't there when we came
out. They can't have been.
STEVE
Either someone really, really wants
to catch a bear, or there's a
fuckload of bears to catch.
MAGGIE
Maybe someone lives nearby. What
the hell are they up to? They must
know we're here.
STEVE
Can we go inside now please? I
don't like this.
53.
They hear the cough of an engine. The battered minibus
staggers into the clearing. Jill and Harris get out. Harris
notices Gareth and the mess of his leg.
HARRIS
What did you do to him?
BILLY
Beartrap. There's loads of them,
all round the clearing.
HARRIS
Jesus...
RICHARD
Where's the bus driver?
HARRIS
Don't know. Probably dead.
STEVE
Nice! Can we go, then?
Everyone looks at Steve, who realises his gaffe.
STEVE (CONT)
I mean, terrible, tragedy, yeah. So
can we go, then?
BILLY
We need to stop Gareth's bleeding.
What should we do?
MAGGIE
I don't know, don't we have a first
aid kit?
RICHARD
There wasn't anything in the lodge.
There should be, health and safety
rules clearly state-
MAGGIE
Shouldn't we run water over it or
something?
BILLY
Why?
MAGGIE
To clean it?
STEVE
It'll still be bleeding though.
As they argue, Gareth is slowly losing colour as the blood
drains from his leg.
54.
HARRIS
Cauterise it?
STEVE
What's that mean?
HARRIS
Burn the stump, seal it off.
RICHARD
Jesus. Isn't there another way?
HARRIS
No, I read it in my SAS book.
Billy, get the fire lit. Maggie,
try and find the poker. Steve, boil
some water, and-
BILLY
But by the time the fire's lit,
he'll have bled to death!
HARRIS
Then hurry up!
STEVE
Fucking hell, stop shouting!
They're all shouting, panicking. Jill, surprisingly, is
suddenly very calm. She steps into the middle of the group,
speaking calmly and authoritatively, silencing them.
JILL
Billy, give me your paintball
jacket.
Everybody stops talking, amazed at this new, calm, sensible
Jill. Billy takes off his paintball camouflage jacket. Jill
ties it tightly around Gareth's leg, just above the wound.
Gareth gets his Swiss army knife out, opening the scissors,
but Jill waves it away, gently.
GARETH
I'm okay, it doesn't really hurt
that much-
He tries to stand but falls back down, in agony.
JILL
It's okay, Gareth. We'll get help,
don't worry.
GARETH
Oh, you know, what doesn't kill me,
only makes--
55.
Jill yanks the tied jacket so that it is really tight.
Gareth faints.
MAGGIE
Jesus, he just doesn't stop, does
he? "I'm glad I got caught in a
beartrap, it has helped me to
become a better person"...
Jill gives the tied jacket another yank. The bleeding stops.
She sees their amazed faces.
JILL
It's called a tourniquet. You have
to stop the blood getting to the
wound. It's easier than trying to
plug it up.
Now that the bad things have started to actually happen,
rather than threatening to happen, Jill is remarkably well
adjusted. Severed legs she can deal with.
STEVE
Nice. Can we fuck off now, then?
BILLY
Good idea. What about this?
Billy holds up Gareth's foot.
STEVE
Throw it away.
BILLY
Maybe they can re-attach it?
RICHARD
I saw a documentary once, they said
if your finger gets cut off, the
best place to keep it is in your
mouth, for hygiene.
Billy holds up the foot for Richard to see. It is far too
big for anyone's mouth.
STEVE
Oh yeah, why didn't we think of
that? You hold his mouth open,
we'll shove his foot in.
JILL
There were some frozen peas in the
top of the fridge, put them in a
plastic bag with the foot. It'll do
for a few hours, at least.
56.
Scene 22 - Escape from the Lodge
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 9
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 7
The gang are coming out of the lodge with their bags. Gareth
is still where they left him. Maggie tries to warm herself
around the lit cigarette in her mouth.
Jill fills a plastic bag with packets of frozen peas and
crispy pancakes.
STEVE
Hurry up, I want to get out of this
shit hole. Bollocks, Richard, where
are the passports?
RICHARD
Passports are all in the team bag,
upstairs. Billy?
BILLY
I'd be delighted to get it,
Richard. It'll be the highlight of
my day.
Maggie smiles at Billy, who winks back.
HARRIS
Let's get these bags in first.
Harris pulls the lever on the bus to open the boot.
With a squeak and a clatter, the boot jerks open, throwing a
pile of rubbish out onto the ground, and knocking Gareth's
foot out of Billy's hand.
Billy bends to retrieve the foot, and Harris bends to see
what has been dumped out of the bus.
They both stand up. They are both holding a foot.
Billy holds Gareth's foot. Harris holds the driver's foot,
yellowy nails, crusty sandal and all. Everybody looks down.
The remains of the driver are on the ground. He has been
chopped up into several pieces, and partially skinned. Nails
have been hammered into his eyes.
Steve puts his hands over his mouth, gagging and retching.
Everybody backs away into the room. The cigarette falls from
Maggie's mouth.
MAGGIE
Oh shit oh shit oh shit-
There is a stunned silence. Nobody moves. Harris knows he
needs to keep it together, before anyone panics.
57.
HARRIS
Okay. Billy, Maggie, load up the
bags. Steve, Richard, get Gareth on
the bus. Jill, sort the ice bag
out.
STEVE
We're all going to die!
HARRIS
Shut the fuck up and do it!
Billy gives the foot to Jill, and he and Maggie start
throwing bags into the boot.
MAGGIE
Where are you going?
HARRIS
I'm getting the passports.
MAGGIE
No, it's too dangerous.
HARRIS
They won't let us through the
airport without passports. We need
them.
MAGGIE
Be careful.
HARRIS
Duh.
Harris runs off, as Steve and Richard pick up Gareth. Gareth
looks at them all, proudly.
GARETH
Great teamwork, guys! See? If you
work together, you can accomplish
anything.
Steve rolls his eyes.
INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
Harris runs through the lodge, looking around wildly. Trying
to think. Trying not to panic. Steps around the furniture,
moving quickly, shakily.
INT. LODGE MAIN STEPS - NIGHT
Harris bounds up the dark stairs, two at a time.
58.
INT. LODGE RICHARD'S ROOM - NIGHT
Harris runs into Richard's room. He empties the team bag
onto the bed. He finds the folder of passports, and leaves.
INT. LODGE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
Harris comes out of the room, and stops. He hears a very
faint rustle from one of the rooms.
For a horrible moment, it seems as if he's going to be
stupid enough to go and check the room - but common sense
prevails.
HARRIS
Fuck that.
Harris turns, and bolts for the stairs.
INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
Harris runs through the room, looking around fearfully.
EXT. LODGE CLEARING - NIGHT
Harris runs into the clearing, getting the bus keys out of
his pocket. The others on the bus scream at him to hurry up.
INT. MINIBUS - NIGHT
Harris leaps on to the bus, tripping, and dropping the keys,
which fly under a seat. Steve shouts in frustration, and
kicks the back of one of the seats.
Harris scrabbles around on the floor, and finally grabs the
keys. He gets in the driver's seat and puts the keys in.
STEVE
Fuck, it's not going to start, it's
not going to start-
The engine starts first time. Harris and Steve nervously
smile at each other. Then the engine stalls, and stops.
Everyone looks utterly terrified. Harris curses under his
breath, forces himself to stay calm, and tries again. The
engine coughs - then starts.
Harris floors the accelerator.
59.
EXT. LODGE CLEARING - NIGHT
The bus fishtails wildly before the wheels grip, and it
screeches away.
EXT. ROAD TO LODGE - NIGHT
The minibus roars around the first bend. We can still see
the lodge in the background. It is pitch dark outside.
INT. MINIBUS - NIGHT
STEVE
Faster!
HARRIS
I can't see where I'm going!
Billy leans out of a window, holding a torch pointing ahead.
It's faint, but helps a bit.
Scene 23 - Crash and Burn
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 9
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 6
The minibus screeches around another corner, Billy hanging
precariously out of the window, shining his torch.
Suddenly, something makes all four tyres blow out. Sparks
fly up from the wheels as the bus slides all over the road.
INT. MINIBUS - NIGHT
Billy falls to the floor. Harris struggles with the wheel.
HARRIS
What the fuck-
EXT. ROAD TO LODGE - NIGHT
The minibus runs right into a tree, crumpling the front
instantly, and stops dead - somebody smashes straight
through the windscreen.
SMASH CUT TO:
BLACK SCREEN
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MINIBUS - NIGHT
Everyone lies around the place in a heap, unconscious.
60.
EXT. ROAD TO LODGE - NIGHT
The minibus is wrecked. Smoke pours from the crumpled front.
The door has come open, and Jill has rolled out of it, a
huge cut on her head oozing blood.
She stands up, completely concussed and confused. One eye is
swollen shut, the other keeps getting blood in it from the
cut on her head.
She wanders off, unsure who she is or what's going on,
occasionally wiping her eye. She's totally confused.
JILL
Mum? I can't sleep. There was a...
accident...
She disappears into the forest.
About twenty feet away, Harris lies in a heap.
He is still alive. Blood oozes from his mouth. His eyes
open, narrowly, and he sees someone standing near him. They
are wearing the boots with the military insignia.
They start walking towards Harris. Harris tries crawling
away, making slow progress. Every inch causes him agonising
pain, and more blood seeps from his wounds.
He stops, realising that his ankle is impaled on the inch-
thick stump of a tree branch. He can't get away unless he
frees himself. He pulls at his leg, screaming in pain.
Slowly, Harris pulls his leg off the branch, and tries
crawling away again. The owner of the boots catches up
fairly easily. Harris looks up, woozily.
A large axe is raised up, and swiftly brought down.
Harris' POV: Everything spins around and gradually comes to
a halt, looking at Harris' body, which is missing his head.
Normal view: We see Harris' head lying in the road, several
yards from his body. He looks at his own body, and for a
second or two, his expression says "I told you so".
Harris' POV: Still looking at his body. Everything goes out
of focus, and fades to black.
INT. MINIBUS - NIGHT
Billy comes round first, slowly. He appears to be leaning
against the side of the bus. We pull back, turn 90 degrees,
and reveal that the bus is on its side.
61.
The side of the bus is now the floor. Billy looks around. He
isn't sure where he is for a moment, but then it all comes
back.
He looks at the hole in the windscreen, the empty driver's
seat. He pulls himself up, wincing at the pain from a large
wound in his shoulder.
EXT. ROAD TO LODGE - NIGHT
The smashed front of the bus bursts into flames.
INT. MINIBUS - NIGHT
The others are starting to come round. Billy gets to his
feet, unsteadily. He sees the fire.
BILLY
Everybody out! Quick!
Everyone is battered and bruised. Gareth has become lodged
between two seats, his left arm twisted at an odd angle.
Billy and Maggie manhandle him out.
Glass crunches under their feet as they shuffle around.
Maggie pauses to pull two pieces of glass out of her
forearm, wincing. Richard has got gravel stuck to his face.
Steve throws up at the back of the bus. He climbs out of the
broken back window, followed by the others.
EXT. ROAD TO LODGE - NIGHT
Billy, Maggie and Steve bring Gareth out the back window,
awkwardly. Gareth groans in pain, tears streaming down his
face. Richard just stands there, shellshocked.
The gang stand around, dazed. Billy notices the blown tyres.
Maggie calls out to him, upset. She has spotted Harris'
body, about twenty yards away.
Billy goes over to look. He sees the condition of the body,
and screws his eyes tightly shut. He opens them again, and
turns back to the group.
The minibus is now completely ablaze. Even if the engine had
survived the crash, the fire is now destroying it. The five
survivors stand there, staring at it helplessly.
BILLY
Has anyone seen Jill?
Billy looks around. Nobody is in any state for rational
thought, least of all Richard. Billy realises that somebody
needs to take charge - reluctantly, he takes the job.
62.
BILLY
We need to get back to the lodge.
Steve, Richard, give me a hand with
Gareth.
Steve comes over, but Richard stares into space. Billy
shouts at Richard, making him jump.
BILLY (CONT)
RICHARD!
(then, gently)
Give us a hand.
EXT. ROAD TO LODGE - NIGHT
Billy leads the survivors back along the road. Animals
chitter and screech in the woods, making everyone flinch.
Billy, Steve and Richard carry Gareth, awkwardly.
Billy is determined to keep it together, although his eyes
are terrified. He constantly checks that everyone is keeping
up, making sure Gareth is okay.
BILLY
JILL? Jiiiiill? Can you hear us?
Richard is trying to convince himself everything's going to
be fine, not very convincingly.
RICHARD
She'll find her way back to the
lodge. She has to.
Scene 24 - Trapped in the Lodge
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
Jill is tied down with ropes and tent pegs, over a tree
stump. She still can't see properly. Someone moves around
her. She jerks her head around, terrified.
The figure asks her something in a foreign language.
JILL
I don't understand.
It asks her again, more impatiently, showing her a drawing
of the Palisade logo, but Jill can't see.
JILL
I don't understand! I don't speak
your language! Please, help me!
The figure asks Jill again. It sighs, and walks over to a
small tray of torture instruments - scalpels, pliers, forks,
needles, and so on. It chooses one.
63.
EXT. ROAD TO LODGE - NIGHT
The rest of the gang are still heading back to the lodge,
frightened and shellshocked at the loss of Harris and Jill.
Richard stumbles, and they drop Gareth, who screams. Richard
has tripped over a board with loads of nails in it - and
Gareth has landed on it, on his other leg.
Billy bends down for a closer look. The board has been
placed deliberately in the road, all the nails pointing
sharp end upwards - the cause of their blown tyres.
They pick up Gareth and head off. Steve mutters to himself.
STEVE
This is fucked up. Things like this
don't happen to people who work in
offices. They happen in horror
movies, to teenage birds with big
tits. Not us. Not us.
They are nearly at the lodge clearing. A twig snaps in the
forest behind them. They stop for a second, and look. They
can't see anything.
They all instinctively start running.
EXT. LODGE CLEARING - NIGHT
The gang run full speed back to the lodge. They hear another
noise in the forest, and Steve screams like a three year old
girl. They make it to the lodge, and pile inside.
INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
They get in, and barricade the door shut, as firmly as they
can. Billy looks out the window, but can't see anything.
Richard has a cut on his arm - he holds it, in pain.
Billy's shoulder is bleeding. Maggie has a cut over her eye.
Steve has a limp, but paces nervously anyway. They're all
shaken, and their clothes are torn in places.
Steve takes out his bag of drugs. He knocks back a few
pills, swigging from his hip flask. He then takes out a
large joint, and lights it with shaking hands.
Richard is still trying to keep up the illusion that
everything's going to be fine. And that means rules.
RICHARD
Is that a marijuana cigarette?
64.
STEVE
Yes. A great big fat one, and
you're not getting any.
RICHARD
Are you aware that taking drugs in
the workplace is gross misconduct?
STEVE
We're not in the workplace, you
muppet. We're in Apocalypse fucking
Now or something, and I'm going to
get off my tits.
Steve smokes his joint, trembling. He jumps up to look out
of the window, then sits down again to smoke.
MAGGIE
Okay, the minibus driver's been
missing since Friday, his company
will be looking for him.
BILLY
Not over the weekend. He won't be
missed until Monday morning.
Neither will we, for that matter.
And where the hell is George?
RICHARD
He should be here.
BILLY
Yes, thank you Richard, I'm aware
that he *should* be here. But he is
*not* here.
STEVE
Somebody got him. He's going to get
us, too. We're all going to die.
BILLY
We're not going to die. We're going
to keep watch tonight, then first
thing in the morning, we start
walking. Okay?
Everybody seems okay with this plan, mainly because they
don't have any better ideas. Steve carries on smoking.
Billy glances at Maggie, who nods at him, trying to reassure
him that he's doing okay.
EXT. LODGE CLEARING - NIGHT
Crickets chirp, owls hoot, things rustle. The faint light
from the lodge window glows.
65.
Scene 25 - Surviving the Night
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 7
Billy carries a mattress into the main room. There are now
five mattresses huddled around the fireplace. Their bags sit
in a pile next to the mattresses.
Billy's shoulder is bandaged with a torn sheet. Maggie has a
plaster on her forehead. Richard's arm is bandaged, too.
Maggie sits by the window, chainsmoking.
Billy has an idea. He searches Gareth's bag. He finds a
whistle, the Swiss army knife, and some paintball guns.
BILLY
Funny, isn't it? We work for an
arms company, but we don't have any
weapons now we need them.
The others just look at him.
BILLY (CONT)
Not "funny ha ha", obviously...
STEVE
Give me a gun.
BILLY
It's a paintball gun.
STEVE
Give me a gun.
Billy shrugs, and hands it over. Steve grabs it, cocks it,
and immediately seems happier, though still twitchy. Steve
pops some pills, and takes a swig of his hip flask.
Billy takes some long plastic poles out of Gareth's bag. He
checks the sink - the only metal piece of cutlery is a
spork. Billy throws it away, annoyed.
He picks up a chair, and smashes it to pieces. He sharpens
the metal parts against the fireplace. He gets out a tin of
deodorant and a lighter, and tries some flamethrowing.
He looks at the weapons - metal spikes, some pathetic
spears, a penknife, the deodorant and lighter - it's not
much, but gives them a bit more of a chance.
Billy starts a fire in the fireplace, to warm them all up.
Gareth comes to, and pitches his oar in. He's a bit woozy,
and doesn't seem to realise where he is or what's going on.
GARETH
My foot... it's so itchy... can
someone scratch my foot please? The
left one.
66.
Steve looks at Gareth. His left foot is the one that is
missing. Billy looks at Steve, realising something.
BILLY
Did anyone bring the plastic bag?
Clearly, nobody did. There is an awkward silence.
GARETH
Is it time for the team games?
BILLY
No, go back to sleep.
GARETH
I think some word games would cheer
us all up.
STEVE
We don't need cheering up, you
muppet, we need rescuing!
GARETH
If you aim for the moon and miss,
you'll land in the stars.
Steve loses his temper.
STEVE
Oh, give it a fucking rest! This
constant positive shite is driving
me up the wall! You float around in
airy-fairy land, thinking
everything is brilliant - well it's
not! People are shit! Life is shit!
You are shit! It's all shit! People
are dying, including you if we
don't get you help. Can't you see
that?
There is a long, long pause while Gareth thinks about this.
Steve looks hopeful - maybe it's sunk in, finally.
GARETH
Paintball?
Gareth passes out again. Steve rolls his eyes. Billy takes
off Gareth's dressing and inspects the wound. Blood still
seeps out slowly. Gareth's face is really white.
Billy gets another shirt out. He ties another tourniquet
around Gareth's leg, tightly. Gareth wakes up, yelling.
BILLY
Steve, got any pills that might
work as a painkiller?
67.
Steve gets his bag out, and picks out various different
types of pills. He shows Billy a handful.
STEVE
Any one of these should do.
Billy grabs them all, and gives two to Gareth.
STEVE
Oi! They're a tenner each!
BILLY
He needs them.
STEVE
So do I!
Gareth looks at the pills. Billy hands him some water.
GARETH
I don't take drugs, thank you.
BILLY
Would you prefer the pain?
Gareth eyes the two pills suspiciously. One is bright blue,
the other is red and green. He pops them in his mouth, and
knocks them back. Billy hands him the rest of the pills.
BILLY (CONT)
Take another two in a few hours.
STEVE
Such a waste of good drugs.
BILLY
Who wants first watch?
Nobody answers.
BILLY (CONT)
That'd be me, then.
Everyone makes their beds, and settles down for the night.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
Maggie wakes up quickly, alarmed, almost screaming, to find
Billy shaking her shoulder. Maggie looks around the room.
Everyone else is fast asleep.
Billy hands over the tiny Swiss army knife. Maggie gets up,
while Billy goes to bed.
DISSOLVE TO:
68.
INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
Maggie keeps watch, holding the penknife with the corkscrew
pointing out. She looks around, nervously.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
Steve is keeping watch now, while the others sleep. Steve
holds the paintball gun tightly, breathing really quickly.
His eyes are wide. He's terrified. He whips his head around,
eyes darting all around the lodge.
The tap drips. Steve whips around and shoots at it. The
paintball splatters on the sink. Steve calms down.
The wind blows down the chimney, making the fireplace
whisper. Steve panics, and shoots at it before he realises
what it is. He calms down again.
DISSOLVE TO:
Scene 26 - Gareth is Dragged Away
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 9
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 5
Steve is sitting bolt upright, shivering in fear. He checks
his watch, then kicks Richard, waking him up.
Richard looks around. We see that there are approximately
427,000 paintball splashes everywhere. Steve gets into bed.
Richard sighs.
Richard goes and sits in the chair, covering himself with a
blanket. He looks around - everyone else is asleep. Richard
rests his head against the chair.
In less than thirty seconds, Richard's eyes droop closed.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
Richard, supposedly on watch, is fast asleep. Everyone else
is asleep too. Gareth comes to every now and again. His pile
of pills is much smaller.
Gareth wakes up, slowly. He looks around, unsure where he is
for a minute. He sees Richard asleep, and tries to speak,
but is too mashed on the pills. He pops another two.
Gareth sees a face at the window. He blinks, but it is gone.
He's not sure if he really saw it or not. His vision is
starting to blur and swim before his eyes.
69.
Gareth takes a sip from his glass of water, and mumbles to
himself. He looks up sharply at the window. There was
definitely something there that time.
He tries to reach for the glass of water again, but can't
move at all now, thanks to the pills. He looks at the object
in the window, trying to concentrate.
Gareth frowns. It's not something outside the window at all -
it's a reflection, of something inside the room..
Gareth's eyes widen. He becomes aware of quiet, stealthy
footsteps behind him. He twists, trying to turn around, but
is too stiff and woozy. He drops his pills.
They fall to the ground. Behind Gareth's foot, we see the
pair of boots with military insignia and spurs approaching,
very slowly so as not to make them jangle.
Gareth is terrified. The only things he can move quickly are
his eyes. He rolls them around, desperately trying to get
his body to catch up.
Gareth tries craning his head around, but can't get the
angle right. Somebody stands just behind him, not moving
now, just standing, breathing softly.
Gareth tries to speak again, but just manages to make soft
moaning sounds. Saliva drops from the corner of his mouth.
He tries screaming, but no sound comes out.
Gareth breathes heavily, willing himself to move. It's no
use. He moans softly, tears trickling from his eyes. The
boots come closer to Gareth. Gareth closes his eyes.
Gareth's chair tilts backwards, and is slowly dragged away,
out of the room.
INT. LODGE CELLAR STEPS - NIGHT
Gareth is slowly dragged down the steps, his head bumping
off each step in turn.
INT. LODGE CELLAR - NIGHT
Gareth is dragged into the cellar. There is a pause, and we
hear a click. Gareth is becoming woozier by the second.
INT. UNKNOWN - NIGHT
Gareth is being dragged along the floor of somewhere we
can't quite make out.
70.
Gareth's POV: blurry, distorted glimpses of sawdust, a cage,
and then the silhouette of a man in a chair with what looks
like huge antennae coming out the top of his head.
Gareth screams.
Scene 27 - The Search for Gareth
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 7
Billy wakes up, noticing that Richard is asleep. He checks
his watch - it reads 4:17AM. Billy gets up, then notices
that Gareth is missing.
He runs over and kicks Richard's chair over. Richard hits
the floor with a clatter, and Billy is right on him.
BILLY
You're supposed to be on watch!
RICHARD
I just closed my eyes for a sec-
BILLY
Actually, *I'm* supposed to be on
watch, you should have woken me at
four! Gareth's missing! Somebody
must have got in and-
They all look at the door. It is still barricaded.
BILLY (CONT)
He's been in here the whole time.
We'll have to search the lodge,
find out where he's hiding.
STEVE
You're having a giraffe! Let's just
wait till morning, then walk, like
we said.
BILLY
He could have killed us all, while
we were asleep. He's up to
something. So we're not just going
to sit around and wait until he
attacks us again.
RICHARD
Well I'm not wandering around this
place at night. Count me out.
Richard is still under the impression that he is in charge.
Billy looks up slowly, suddenly furious with him.
BILLY
"Count you out"? People are dying,
you ignorant prick, so I'm counting
you the fuck in.
71.
Richard draws himself up, and delivers what he thinks is a
complete bombshell:
RICHARD
That was your last chance, mister.
As soon as we get back, I'm talking
to George. No transfer, no nothing -
you're fired.
Billy stares at Richard, astonished, almost amused that
Richard actually believes that he cares.
BILLY
Are you serious? Harris is dead,
thanks to you insisting we come
here with no safety net, probably
Jill and Gareth too, and I'll make
sure you go to prison for it. But
first, you're going to help us.
Steve is enjoying the show. Maggie is watching, impressed.
Richard is desperately clinging on, in vain.
RICHARD
I'm still the manager here, buster.
And you still do what I say.
BILLY
Not any more. Office hours are
over.
RICHARD
Oh, really? Says who?
BILLY
Says. Fucking. Me.
Billy pokes Richard in the chest three times as he speaks,
once for each word. He is inches away from Richard's face.
Richard stares at him, breathing hard, lower lip trembling
ever so slightly. He has lost, and he knows it. He caves in,
wandering over to the window.
Billy hands out the weapons.
BILLY
Okay. Two teams. Steve, you and
Richard take this floor and the
cellar, Maggie and me will do
upstairs. That way he can't dodge
us by-
Billy pauses, noticing the paint splashes.
BILLY (CONT)
Why is there paint everywhere?
72.
Everybody looks at Steve. Steve shrugs.
INT. LODGE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
Billy and Maggie walk along the hallway, warily. All the
lights are on.
BILLY
Gareth? Gareth, can you hear us?
MAGGIE
Gareth!
INT. LODGE DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
Steve and Richard walk along the hallway, terrified. The
lights are on down here, too.
STEVE
Gareth! Where are you, you ponce?
INT. UNKNOWN - NIGHT
Gareth lies on the floor, bound and gagged. We can't see
anything in the room, only that it is lit by a red light.
We hear the sound of a knife being sharpened. Gareth
struggles weakly, terrified. A gloved hand holds the same
drawing of the Palisade logo in front of his face.
The unseen figure asks the same question they asked Jill.
INT. GARETH'S ROOM - NIGHT
Billy and Maggie enter. Billy motions Maggie to get ready,
while he checks under the bed. There's nothing there.
Relieved, they walk out.
INT. RICHARD'S ROOM - NIGHT
Billy and Maggie approach the bed. The sheet hangs down over
the edge. Billy motions to Maggie. She nods, then whips the
sheet up as Billy lunges in with his metal spike.
He jumps back, seeing a darkened face. He stops, and pulls
out a copy of "Management Today", with a big picture of a
smiling Bill Gates on the front.
Billy lets out his breath, and stabs Bill's picture anyway,
throwing the magazine aside. Maggie manages a half smile.
They leave the room.
73.
INT. MAGGIE'S ROOM - NIGHT
Billy and Maggie check the bed. There is nothing there.
Billy nods, shrugging at the same time. They move on.
Scene 28 - The Hunted
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 9
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
This is the room Richard was using as an office, with the
desk, chairs, and an ottoman-style chest. Steve and Richard
walk in. Richard checks under the desk. Nothing there.
They walk over to the ottoman chest. This looks recently
used. Steve glances at Richard. Richard readies his metal
spike, and gets ready, breathing hard.
Steve throws open the lid. Gareth's foot is inside. Steve
yells, and slams the chest shut.
STEVE
He's pissing us about, now.
Richard picks up the framed photo of his wife and kid, and
puts it in his pocket.
STEVE (CONT)
Any other rooms on this floor?
RICHARD
No. Just the cellar downstairs.
STEVE
Bollocks.
They leave the room, reluctantly.
INT. UNKNOWN - NIGHT
Gareth hears Steve and Richard's footsteps coming down the
stairs. He must be fairly close to where they are. He starts
trying to scream through his taped-shut mouth.
INT. LODGE CELLAR - NIGHT
Richard and Steve enter the cellar, trying to stay behind
each other. They wave their torches around quickly, trying
to see everywhere at once.
Steve kicks at something under a sheet, then quickly pulls
the sheet off. It is a large armchair.
Richard opens a few drawers in the filing cabinets. They are
all filled with the old files. Richard looks like he has an
idea of what's going on, and doesn't like it at all.
74.
Steve lifts up another sheet, then crouches down to shine
the torch underneath the others. It all looks reassuringly
furniture-like. Steve stands up again, quickly.
RICHARD
Well?
STEVE
Nothing.
INT. UNKNOWN - NIGHT
Gareth hears Steve and Richard talking - they sound very
close now. Again, he tries to call out to them. He can only
make a muffled grunting noise.
A pair of gloved hands throw a burlap bag over Gareth's
head, to muffle his noise. A knife glints, and moves to
Gareth's stomach. Gareth's muffled screams get louder.
We hear Steve and Richard leaving, walking up the stairs
again. There is a faint ripping sound, and Gareth is dragged
out of view.
INT. SPARE BEDROOM - NIGHT
A large room with nothing but a ramshackle wardrobe in the
corner. Billy approaches it, while Maggie watches. He
reaches out slowly for the handle. He quickly opens it.
There is nothing inside.
Billy leaves the wardrobe doors open, and faces Maggie, who
nods at him, relieved. In the background, the wardrobe,
overbalanced with its doors open, falls over with a crash.
Billy and Maggie jump, turning to look at the wardrobe. They
look at each other, and leave the room.
INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
Steve and Richard enter the room. Richard puts the photo of
his wife and kids on the table. Steve paces impatiently.
STEVE
For fuck's sake. How long do the
nights last in this poxy country?
Steve kicks the desk, and the picture of Richard's wife and
kids falls to the floor, cracking the glass. Richard rushes
over, grabs it, and suddenly starts crying.
Steve can't deal with this at all, he's not equipped.
75.
STEVE
Fuck. I'm sorry, I'll buy you
another frame, all right?
RICHARD
It's not the frame. It's Sara. She
left me six months ago.
STEVE
Oh bloody hell.
RICHARD
I screwed it up, just like I screw
everything up. I'm a failure.
STEVE
You're not a failure.
RICHARD
I am. I lost us the Jefferson
contract. That's why we had to do
this team building thing.
STEVE
Eh?
RICHARD
George didn't want to single me
out, so he made us all do it.
STEVE
Fucking hell...
RICHARD
Please don't tell the others.
STEVE
Okay, just stop crying.
Richard stands up, still crying, and suddenly hugs Steve,
crying on his shoulder. Steve is utterly horrified. For a
moment, he looks like he's going to push Richard away.
Steve shakes his head, closes his eyes, and puts his arms
around Richard. Richard sobs away, while Steve tries to make
him feel better, incredibly awkwardly.
RICHARD
I'll never find another woman to
love me. I'll die alone.
STEVE
You'll be all right. You'll find
someone else, you'll see.
RICHARD
I won't! I'm boring and ugly.
76.
Billy and Maggie walk in, and see Steve and Richard hugging.
Steve and Richard don't see them.
STEVE
Stop that. You're not boring. And
you're not ugly, either. If I was a
woman-
They notice Billy and Maggie. They pull apart, quickly,
Richard wiping his eyes. Billy and Maggie keep staring.
MAGGIE
What's that on your shoes?
Her voice is quiet and brittle. She points at Steve and
Richard's feet. Everyone looks down.
Steve and Richard's shoes are covered in blood. They look on
the floor, and see their bloody footprints leading from the
door. Steve's face goes white, and he looks petrified.
INT. LODGE DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
The wind howls outside, worse than before. Billy, Maggie,
Steve and Richard stand there, looking down the hall. The
footprints come from the archway leading to the cellar.
Scene 29 - The Cellar Discovery
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 9
- Plot: 10
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 7
The gang walk down the steps, very slowly.
INT. LODGE CELLAR - NIGHT
They shine their torches at the ground, and see a huge
bloodstain. It looks as if someone was dragged through the
room, bleeding heavily.
The blood path goes right across the floor, and past the
desk near the corner. It goes under a large, dirty rug.
Billy grabs the rug and throws it to one side.
It reveals a large trapdoor with a rope handle. Billy gives
it a pull - it is not locked. He looks at the others.
Everyone gets their weapons ready. As quietly as possible,
Billy pulls the trapdoor open. They all peer in. It is very
dark. Stone steps lead down into the darkness.
INT. CELL HALLWAY - NIGHT
Billy comes down the steps, followed by Maggie, Steve and
Richard. They are in a dark corridor. Billy reaches around
looking for the light switch. He finds it, and turns it on.
77.
A red light bulb illuminates the hallway in a stark, red
glow. Everyone jumps.
The hallway is lined with prison cells on one side. All of
the doors are closed, except for the last one at the end.
On the other side of the hallway are some normal rooms. The
doors are all open. Near the steps, a load of rubbish is
piled up - personal belongings, papers, and so on.
The gang wander into the first room on the right.
INT. LARDER - NIGHT
This room is filled with dead, strung up animals. Billy
brushes against a deer, which suddenly violently rears up
and starts kicking and screaming.
Everyone screams and backs off. The deer is flailing and
kicking furiously, eyes rolling wildly. Maggie takes the
penknife and gets close enough to cut the rope quickly.
The deer falls to the ground, scrambles to its feet, and
runs up the stairs, the sound of its hooves incredibly loud
on the stone.
They hear it upstairs, crashing about for a while, until
there is silence. Shaken, they go back to the hallway.
INT. CELL HALLWAY - NIGHT
The cells on the left are dark and closed. The open cell at
the end is empty. They go into the next room on the right.
INT. TREATMENT ROOM - DAY
This is some sort of medical treatment room. The same red
light illuminates the area.
There are shelves full of medical supplies. Many of the
boxes and jars have been opened and scattered around the
floor, which is covered in water and other liquids.
There is a filthy metal autopsy table, with channels to
allow blood to drain through. It has been used recently.
Blood drips from it, slowly.
There are two large, dentist-type chairs in the middle of
the room - electro-shock treatment devices.
One of them is occupied. A naked man is strapped into the
chair, the two electro-shock electrode cups attached to the
top of his head, with wires coming out.
78.
The electro-shock must have been left running until he died -
the electrodes have been burned into his scalp, the skin
blackened and melted around them. They look like antennae.
He must be the "alien" Gareth thought he saw earlier. He has
clearly been dead for a long time. Steve can't take his eyes
off the corpse, and is very close to hysteria.
STEVE
Oh shit my fucking roof.
BILLY
Jill was right. I thought those
stories were made up. Richard, what
the fuck did Palisade do?
RICHARD
They were just rumours, I didn't
believe them. George always laughed
it off, but some people said he
oversaw the whole thing.
We see the scenes from Jill's story again, the Palisade logo
on the vans, but this time George strides around, directing
the "cleansing" operation.
BILLY
And one of them's still alive. No
wonder he's pissed off with us. He
thinks we did all this to him.
MAGGIE
A psycho war criminal. Great.
Aren't there any normal serial
killers anymore?
STEVE
We’ve got to get the fuck out of
here. Now.
RICHARD
In the dark? And go where?
STEVE
Fucking anywhere! I don't know.
We're dead if we stay here. Is
there anything on those maps?
RICHARD
There's nothing. Nothing. We're all
going to die.
BILLY
We're not going to die. We'll
follow that path through the
forest, it has to go somewhere.
79.
There is a thud from the ceiling. Everybody stops, and looks
up.
Outside, the generator noise sputters and coughs, and slowly
winds down. The lights dim, and slowly go out. They all
switch on their torches.
BILLY
Don't panic. Stay together.
INT. LODGE CELLAR - NIGHT
The gang come up the steps into the cellar.
There is another thud. It's something banging on the floor
of the room above them (the main room). The banging stops,
and something is scraped along the floor/ceiling.
MAGGIE
Maybe it's Gareth. Or Jill.
BILLY
Why would they make that noise?
MAGGIE
Maybe they're limping.
She's not convinced, and neither are the others. The
scraping stops. A squeak of metal, briefly. Then a trickle
of liquid into a metal container.
INT. LODGE CELLAR STEPS - NIGHT
The gang walk up the stairs, terrified. The trickling sound
continues, but is joined by a wet, ripping sound, like a
sheet of wet leather being torn in half, bit by bit.
INT. LODGE DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
They walk towards the main room. They come to the doorway.
Scene 30 - Escape and Pursuit
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 10
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 6
The gang stop in the doorway. There are still some candles
lit in the room, so they can see what's happening.
The hunter stands with his back to them, wearing his wide
brimmed hat. He does something to Gareth, who hangs upside
down from the ceiling hook.
Gareth is just barely still alive. Blood drains out of a
hole in his neck, filling up a dirty metal bucket - the
source of the trickling noise.
80.
One of his legs is attached to the meat hook, the other
hangs askew.
The hunter works on Gareth. We can't see exactly what he's
doing, but we can still hear the wet tearing noises.
The hunter wears old, dirty, army khaki gear and has a rifle
slung over his shoulder. His khaki gear is covered in the
military insignia we saw before.
The rifle is an old, military-style one with a bayonet - the
weird knife we saw earlier. The hunter gets ready to gut
Gareth with a large filleting knife.
Just before he does, Gareth spots the gang.
GARETH
I forgive you...
The hunter disembowels Gareth, slashing him across the
stomach. Richard gasps in shock. The hunter spins around,
holding up the knife, blood splattered on his face.
In the same movement, as he's turning, he's drawing back his
knife hand. He throws the knife, hard--
--which flies across the room and embeds itself into Billy's
forehead, right up to the hilt.
Billy's eyes go wide, and he sinks to the ground, turning to
look at Maggie as he does. He reaches out to her, then just
collapses.
MAGGIE
BILLY!
Billy is dead. The hunter starts walking towards the others.
Steve backs up. Richard is already running.
Maggie crouches down, desperately hoping that Billy isn't
too badly hurt, but quickly realises that he is gone. She
throws a look of sheer fury at the hunter, before running.
She follows Steve out of the room, both of them running as
fast as they can.
INT. LODGE DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
Everyone panics. They run through the partial darkness,
torches waving everywhere, meeting the deer which comes
running towards them, screeching in the torchlight.
In the confusion, Richard heads down the stairs, Steve and
Maggie head up the stairs. They're running blind, just to
get away, terrified.
81.
INT. LODGE CELLAR - NIGHT
Richard bursts into the cellar, and runs down the stairs
into the prison section.
INT. CELL HALLWAY - NIGHT
Richard pulls the trapdoor closed. He notices a large wooden
bar under the door, and slots it into place, making the door
impossible to open from the other side.
He backs away, looking around wildly. He runs down to the
end of the cell hallway, and shines his torch around,
desperate to find a way out.
Around a corner from the cells is a homemade tunnel. He
climbs into it, awkwardly.
INT. LODGE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
Steve and Maggie run into separate rooms, not even looking
at each other, in total panic.
EXT. LODGE CLEARING - NIGHT
Richard climbs out the tunnel exit, through a camouflaged
trapdoor. It is at the far end of the clearing, and
impossible to notice once it is closed.
Richard is free. He looks around, pleased with himself. He
runs into the woods, heading down the path.
INT. JILL'S ROOM - NIGHT
Steve runs in, looking for a place to hide. He glances out
the window, and sees Richard escaping into the forest. Steve
hides behind Jill's locker, terrified.
EXT. FORT CLEARING - NIGHT
Richard runs past the fort where they played paintball the
previous day. He keeps going, following the path.
EXT. FOREST CLEARING - NIGHT
Richard runs through the forest. He gets into the clearing,
and slows down, panting. He checks that he's still on the
path. He wipes his forehead, and takes a step forward.
There is a faint click, and he freezes. He looks down, and
sees something that seems to take all the fight out of him.
He sags, looking like he's going to cry.
82.
RICHARD
*Fuck*...
INT. LODGE DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
The hunter slowly walks along the hall, looking into the
rooms. One of his shoes squeaks softly.
INT. JILL'S ROOM - NIGHT
Steve is still behind the locker, in the dark. He shivers.
INT. LODGE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
The hunter comes up the stairs, and walks down the hallway,
looking into the rooms. One of the rooms catches his eye.
INT. SPARE BEDROOM - NIGHT
This is the spare bedroom with the wardrobe that collapsed
earlier. Apart from that, it's just a large, empty room,
full of shadows.
Faint moonlight from the tiny window shines into the middle
of the room. The hunter walks in slowly, looking around. He
can't see much. He stands in the square of faint light.
In one corner, deep in the shadows, Maggie stands completely
still. The wall juts out slightly, casting a thick shadow
over her, making her invisible.
The hunter slowly walks over towards Maggie, feeling his way
carefully. Maggie inches sideways, as fast as she can, but
desperately trying not to make a sound.
Every step the hunter takes, Maggie takes one too, like some
sort of weird dance. If Maggie breathes, she's caught.
The hunter feels around. At one point, his hand almost
touches Maggie. She flinches, but keeps quiet.
The hunter goes over to another corner, slowly, eyes still
not adjusting to the gloom. Maggie sees her chance. She
edges slowly over to the door, staying in the shadows.
As she passes the wall, a stray nail catches a thread from
her sleeve. She doesn't notice, but the thread comes out
more the further she moves from the nail.
She gets to the doorway, and outside, when the thread pings
off the nail. The hunter's head spins around. He walks
towards the door, but Maggie nimbly tiptoes out of sight.
83.
INT. LODGE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
The hunter walks into the hallway, listening. He's not sure
if what he heard was really one of the gang. He looks into
the nearest room.
Maggie is just inside the doorway of the next room, flat
against the wall.
Scene 31 - Escape From Jill's Room
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 10
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 7
Steve is still behind the locker, waiting. He listens, bored
now. There is total and absolute silence. Steve stands up
slowly, deciding to get out of there.
STEVE
Fuck this...
He peers over the locker into the darkness. He switches on
his torch. It lights up the hunter's large, blood-splattered
face, right there in front of him.
Steve screams. The hunter swipes for him with his rifle
bayonet. It misses Steve, and sticks into the locker.
Steve scrambles around him, bumping into Maggie, who has
just run in. She shines her torch to see what is going on.
The hunter turns around, gun up. Steve throws some of Jill's
ornaments at him, and points his metal spike at him.
STEVE
Get back! I'll cut you! I'll
fuckin' cut you!
The hunter swipes at Steve and Maggie, cutting Steve on one
arm, the floor creaking alarmingly as they move around.
Maggie sees Jill's bag, and quickly rifles around in it for
something, anything. She grabs a can of deodorant, and takes
out a lighter.
She flame throws at the hunter a couple of times, trying to
keep him at bay. He isn't bothered, and comes for her, so
she gives him a full dose in the face.
He screams. Skin blisters on the side of his face. Maggie
does him again, but he dodges it. The curtains go up in
flames, one of them falling to the ground.
He knocks the deodorant can from Maggie's hand. It lands in
the flames, then explodes, sending flames shooting across
the floor, and shards of metal into his back.
He knocks all of Jill's toiletries off the dresser - they
smash, catching fire, and the flames spread right across the
room, all over the floor.
84.
Steve throws a punch at him, but the hunter is shouting in
pain again, so Steve catches him in the teeth, with a
scraping, squelching sound.
Steve looks at his hand. A tooth is embedded in a flap of
skin.
The hunter touches the new gap in his teeth. He comes at
Steve, furious. His foot goes through the floor. He looks
down.
Nobody moves. For a moment, nothing happens.
Then half of the floor gives way. Maggie and the hunter fall
through, holding onto the edges of the hole. They dangle
above the lodge main room below.
Gareth and Billy's bodies are still there.
Maggie is hanging on to the carpet, some of which is
burning. The hunter tries to grab her. Steve runs out of the
room.
Scene 32 - Escaping the Fire
- Overall: 7.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 7
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 6
Steve runs into the room, looking up at the hunter and
Maggie, dangling. The hunter is trying to grab Maggie. Bits
of flaming debris are falling through the hole.
The ceiling is quite high, about fifteen feet off the
ground. Maggie's piece of carpet starts ripping. Steve grabs
the sofa, and moves it underneath Maggie.
STEVE
Jump!
Maggie lets go, landing awkwardly but without injury on the
sofa. The hunter looks down for something to land on.
Steve and Maggie quickly move everything out of his way, so
he has a longer way to fall, and move dangerous objects
underneath him instead. They throw cups and plates at him.
One of the cups hits his hand, shattering. The hunter lets
go, and falls, banging his head off the floor. Everybody
keeps their distance, as he is knocked out cold.
Steve jumps up and down, gleefully.
STEVE
Got you, you fucker!
MAGGIE
You okay?
STEVE
I think so, unless he's got rabies.
85.
Steve pulls the tooth out of his hand, wincing. He and
Maggie are shaken, and have some fresh cuts and bruises.
Maggie's face is smoke blackened.
They stamp out several small fires. The ceiling is still
burning, and they'll need to evacuate fairly soon. Steve
points at the hunter.
STEVE
What if he wakes up when we're
gone? Can't we just kill him?
MAGGIE
Not in cold blood. That's murder.
STEVE
But he killed B-
MAGGIE
I know what he did. But we're not
like him. We don't do that. Okay?
Steve grumbles and nods. A thought strikes him. He takes out
his bag of drugs. He grabs a handful of pills, and squeezes
them, breaking the plastic shells.
MAGGIE (CONT)
What are you doing?
STEVE
Just in case he wakes up. Give him
something to think about, apart
from us. Keep an eye on him.
Maggie picks up the rifle dropped by the hunter, and opens
the chamber. There is only one bullet. She cocks it, and
aims at the hunter's head.
MAGGIE
One bullet. That'll do. Go for it,
I'll keep him covered.
STEVE
Don't fucking miss if he moves.
Steve slowly approaches the hunter, who is still breathing.
Steve stands over him, carefully. He looks at him - still
unconscious. Steve reaches down.
The hunter moves, just a little bit. Steve pulls his hand
back, but Maggie nods reassuringly.
Steve reaches out again, carefully. Maggie aims the rifle,
as Steve drops all his drugs into the hunter's mouth. Steve
closes the mouth for him.
STEVE
There you go, my son. Sweet dreams.
86.
He pats him on the cheek.
MAGGIE
Take your time. No rush. It's not
as if the building's burning down
or anything.
STEVE
All right, keep your knickers on.
We've got nowhere to go anyway. I
saw Richard go down the path a
while back, we could see if he got
anywhere.
MAGGIE
Good idea. What about Jill?
When Steve replies, he speaks softly and kindly, the only
time he has done so up until now. He doesn't want to upset
her, but it has to be said.
STEVE
I don't think we're going to find
her, Maggie.
Maggie nods. They share a look - they both know Jill is
dead. Maggie goes over to Billy's body, and crouches down.
She touches his head, and whispers to him.
MAGGIE
Thanks for looking after us.
She kisses him gently on the cheek, and stands up.
On her way out, she spots the Polaroid photo Gareth took
when they first arrived. She puts it in her pocket, slinging
the rifle over her shoulder. They both leave.
Scene 33 - The Chase
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 9
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 6
Maggie and Steve walk outside. Steve lights a spliff.
MAGGIE
Another spliff?
STEVE
Yeah. So what?
MAGGIE
Junkie.
STEVE
We're all junkies, mate. We just
use different drugs.
MAGGIE
Fuck it. Give me a drag.
87.
Steve is surprised. He offers it to Maggie.
There is the sound of a shotgun being cocked.
Maggie and Steve stop where they are.
In the middle of the clearing are five other soldiers turned
hunters from the underground prison. The gunman (Hunter 1)
holds a pump-action shotgun.
Another (Hunter 2) carries a large machete, and has a nasty-
looking bull terrier on a leash. Hunter 2 has the spurs on
his boots, next to the military insignia.
The other hunters have various weapons. They are all dressed
in the same filthy, khaki military gear as the original
hunter. They look feral.
Hunter 1 starts to lift up his shotgun. Without hesitation,
Maggie aims, squints, and squeezes the trigger. CRACK! She
gets him right in the forehead, dropping him.
Hunter 2 freezes, then starts to reach for the dropped gun.
Maggie re-cocks the rifle, shouting a warning.
MAGGIE
NO! Don't you fucking MOVE!
Hunter 2 stays where he is, one hand raised. He obviously
doesn't understand her words, but her tone of voice is very
clear. He signals the other three hunters to stay put.
The wind whistles around them. Smoke and flames pour from
the upstairs window. The dog barks furiously. Steve is still
holding the spliff out to Maggie, stunned.
The first faint traces of dawn are starting to appear. The
sky has lightened ever so slightly.
The hunters look at Maggie and Steve. Maggie and Steve look
back at them. Steve whispers out the corner of his mouth.
STEVE
You haven't got any bullets left.
Maggie whispers back, out the corner of her mouth.
MAGGIE
I know. But they don't know that.
STEVE
So what do we do?
MAGGIE
Fucked if I know.
88.
Hunter 2 is straining to keep the dog in check. He asks them
something in Serbian, with no subtitles. Maggie just glares
at him. He says it again, louder.
MAGGIE
Yeah, fuck you too.
Maggie and Steve slowly circle around the hunter, on their
way to the path. Hunter 2 doesn't move, but is suspicious -
he knows something is up.
Hunter 2 mutters to the other hunters. They have a fast,
quiet conversation, never taking their eyes off Maggie.
Hunter 2 looks down at the dog. Maggie and Steve are almost
at the path. Hunter 2 thinks. Decides to risk it. He lets go
of the leash, and the dog bolts for Maggie and Steve.
Maggie dumps the rifle. She and Steve run into the forest,
as fast as they can. Hunter 2 grabs the shotgun, and makes
quick, military hand signals to the other hunters.
One hunter runs to the left, one to the right, one stays
with Hunter 2, and they all disappear into the forest.
INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT
The lodge is burning down quite quickly. The original hunter
with the hat suddenly wakes up, coughing up Steve's pills.
He rubs his eyes, feeling woozy.
He stands up, and looks around. His face stays blank.
Silently, he walks out the front door.
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
Maggie and Steve run hard, hearing the shouts of the hunters
behind them.
STEVE
Which way, which way?
MAGGIE
Follow the path.
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT
The hunters chase them, Hunter 2 at the front.
EXT. WOODS - NIGHT/DAWN
Maggie and Steve run through the woods, following the path.
The sky is lighter now, like twilight.
89.
The dog comes barrelling out from the trees, and leaps for
Steve's throat. Steve screams and falls, sending the dog
flying.
The dog gets up, trying to bite Steve and Maggie, jumping at
them, barking furiously, saliva dripping from its mouth.
It runs at Maggie, catching her on the leg, drawing blood.
Steve breaks off a tree branch and throws it at the dog.
The dog turns, and runs straight for Steve. It leaps. Steve
tries ducking, but the dog sinks its teeth into his arm.
Steve howls in pain.
The dog isn't letting go. It shakes Steve's arm, soaking the
sleeve with blood. Steve screams.
Maggie comes over and tries kicking the dog, but it won't
budge. Steve can't shake it off - the dog just gets its
teeth further into the flesh.
MAGGIE
Try choking it.
STEVE
It'll chew my fucking arm off!
MAGGIE
Stand still for a second.
Maggie gets behind the dog, and grabs its front legs, one in
each hand. Steve looks at her, puzzled.
STEVE
What are you d-
Maggie quickly pulls both legs out and up. There is a loud,
sharp crunch. Steve is horrified.
STEVE (CONT)
OHHHHHH! Fucking hell!
The dog goes limp, and slides off Steve's arm, landing in a
crumpled heap.
STEVE (CONT)
Where'd you learn that?
MAGGIE
My dad.
STEVE
More of a cat-person, is he?
90.
EXT. FORT CLEARING - DAWN
Maggie and Steve run past the paintball fort, Steve holding
his injured arm.
Scene 34 - Standoff at the Lodge
- Overall: 7.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 9
- Characters: 7
- Dialogue: 7
Steve and Maggie burst into the clearing, and are startled
to see Richard standing there. He nods at them, listlessly.
RICHARD
Oh. Hi.
MAGGIE
What are you doing here?
STEVE
There's a gang of fucking pikeys
coming, we've got to go quick.
RICHARD
Yes, well, I'd like to, but I'm
afraid I can't.
STEVE
Why not?
RICHARD
Because I'm standing on a landmine.
They see a metallic green object under his foot. It has the
Palisade logo on it.
STEVE
Well - get off it, then.
RICHARD
This is a C.R.M. Model 114 anti-
personnel mine. You step on, it's
armed. You step off, it explodes,
you die.
MAGGIE
Are you sure?
RICHARD
Very sure. We sell them.
They look at him, realising that he's a dead man.
MAGGIE
Can't we switch it off, or put a
rock on it or something?
RICHARD
It's booby trapped, impossible to
neutralise.
(MORE)
91.
RICHARD (cont'd)
And it has a massive explosive
charge. These things never maim.
They just kill. It's one of our
biggest sellers.
STEVE
Fuck.
RICHARD
Yeah. Another one of life's almost-
amusing little ironies, eh?
There is an awkward silence.
RICHARD (CONT)
You'd better get going.
MAGGIE
We can't just-
RICHARD
I'm dead either way. Just - just
tell Sara and the kids that I
helped, in the end.
MAGGIE
I will.
They share a look. Richard nods, then notices Steve's
mangled arm. He looks at Steve.
STEVE
If you see a crazy bloke with a
shotgun, tell him his dog's dead.
Richard gives Steve his metal spike, nodding. Steve slaps
him on the arm, awkwardly.
RICHARD
I’ll break it to him gently. Go on,
get moving.
Steve and Maggie hesitate, so Richard starts shouting.
RICHARD (CONT)
Hey! I'm over here! Come and get
me, you fucking mutants!
Steve and Maggie back out of the clearing, and run off. It
is now early morning.
EXT. WOODS - DAY
Hunter 2 runs quickly through the woods, listening to
Richard's shouts. He is wary, but never slows down.
92.
EXT. FANCY LODGE CLEARING - DAY
Maggie and Steve come into a clearing, where there is a
lodge almost identical to the one they escaped from, but a
modern, clean, and fancy version with twee additions.
Outside the lodge is a sign that reads "Palisade Conference
Centre". Maggie and Steve look at each other.
INT. FANCY LODGE MAIN ROOM - DAY
Maggie and Steve burst in the front door. Inside they see an
incredibly luxurious, modern living room, with a roaring log
fire, buffet table, and television.
Standing by the fire is George, from the opening sequence -
which clearly hasn't happened yet. Near him, giggling and
drinking champagne, are Nadia and Olga.
George is drunk, but pleased to see the new arrivals.
GEORGE
Maggie! Steve! Where the hell have
you guys been? Have a drink! Oh,
and you've got to try the jacuzzi
upstairs, it's amazing, trust me.
Maggie pulls a tattered map out of her pocket, and looks at
it. Slowly, she turns it ninety degrees to one side.
MAGGIE
You've been here the whole time?
GEORGE
Of course! Where were you?
George only now notices the state Steve and Maggie are in.
Something starts getting through to his drunken brain.
NADIA
You are Steve? We are from escort
agency! We make birthday party!
STEVE
No, no, I-
OLGA
It's okay, you paid for two days,
we still make party time now!
MAGGIE
You hired floozies for your
birthday?
93.
EXT. FOREST CLEARING - DAY
Hunter 2 appears, with his machete and shotgun, accompanied
by another hunter. Richard is still standing there. Hunter 2
looks all around the clearing, suspiciously.
RICHARD
You took your time.
Hunter 2 approaches, carefully. He knows something is not
right, but can't figure it out.
Scene 35 - Escape from the Lodge
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 9
- Characters: 8
- Dialogue: 7
Steve is embarrassed and flustered.
STEVE
We haven't got time for this! The
fucking chavs are coming!
MAGGIE
Is there any way out of here?
GEORGE
Yeah, about a hundred yards down
the path, there's a lake with some
boats.
MAGGIE
That'll do. Leave all your shit
behind, let's get moving.
GEORGE
Wait, what's going on? Where are
the others?
EXT. FOREST CLEARING - DAY
Hunter 2 stares at Richard, trying to figure out what is
going on. The other hunter mutters.
RICHARD
Do you speak English?
Hunter 2 looks blank.
RICHARD (CONT)
Hello? Do you even speak your own
language?
Hunter 2 doesn't answer. Richard sighs.
RICHARD (CONT)
Just can't get the staff these
days.
94.
Richard steps off the landmine.
INT. FANCY LODGE MAIN ROOM - DAY
George is being drunkenly stubborn.
GEORGE
This is ridiculous. I'm not going
anywhere until you tell me what
really happened. Where is Richard?
Maggie and Steve left the front door open when they came in.
Behind them, outside in the background, a huge explosion
erupts from the forest, jolting everyone.
Maggie looks down at her shoes, then back up at George.
MAGGIE
Now? He's dead. As are the others.
They're all dead. There is a pack
of psychotic war criminals fucked
up on electro-shock treatment and
medication right behind us, and
very soon they will come through
that door, rip off our heads, and
shit down our necks. So if you have
any more questions, maybe they can
wait until we have GOT THE FUCK OUT
OF HERE! NOW MOVE YOUR FAT FUCKING
ASS OR I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!
There is total and utter silence. George has never, ever
been spoken to like that in his life. He is terrified. Even
Nadia and Olga are scared.
Steve stares at Maggie like she's the coolest thing on the
face of the earth, and right now, she really is. George is
totally cowed by the outburst, and gives in completely.
GEORGE
Okay.
EXT. FANCY LODGE CLEARING - DAY
Maggie, Steve, George, Nadia and Olga come out of the front
door. Ahead of them, two more hunters appear out of the
woods. For a second, nobody moves.
The hunters have machetes. Their khaki military gear is
covered in blood. They start running towards the gang.
George screams a high pitched scream, and runs away, the
rest of the gang following. The hunters give chase.
95.
EXT. FOREST PATH - DAY
George, Nadia, Olga, Maggie and Steve run full tilt along
the path. The path forks, and George, Nadia and Olga run
down the left fork. Maggie checks her map quickly.
MAGGIE
No, right! Go right!
George, Nadia and Olga disappear down the path, too
terrified to listen or care - they just want to get away.
Behind Maggie and Steve, there are running footsteps.
STEVE
They're coming, they're coming!
MAGGIE
Fuck it.
She leads Steve off down the right path.
EXT. FOREST - DAY
The same shot as the opening sequence. We hear the sound of
someone running, really fast, getting closer and closer.
George, Nadia and Olga burst out of the trees, running as
fast as they can. We hear the hunters chasing them.
EXT. TANGLED FOREST - DAY
Steve and Maggie run through a particularly dense patch of
forest. Steve gets out first, and keeps running. Behind him,
Maggie runs after him.
We stay with Maggie, as everything jerks and spins upside
down. She has been caught in another razor wire trap, which
digs into her ankle. She swings around, the wire creaking.
All of her change and personal belongings fall out of her
pockets.
EXT. FOREST - DAY
Steve keeps running, then realises he is alone. He stops.
STEVE
Fuck. Maggie?
He dithers. He hears a beeping noise. Slowly, he takes his
phone out of his pocket. It has one bar of a signal.
Excitedly, he starts pressing buttons, walking off.
96.
The signal vanishes. Steve swears, and walks back to where
he was. He keeps moving, but narrows it down to about one
square foot where he can get reception. He speeddials.
On his phone screen, we see "Calling: Maggie".
Scene 36 - Escape and Rescue
- Overall: 9.0
- Concept: 8
- Plot: 9
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
Maggie dangles from her wire. On the ground, about two feet
away, her mobile phone starts ringing. She sighs.
From her left, she hears George pleading for his life, and
then screaming a horrible, ragged scream as something
terrible happens to him. Maggie looks scared.
She starts swinging herself, to try and get closer to the
phone. She swings back and forth, fingertips brushing
against the ground.
George stops screaming. Whoever did it starts making their
way towards Maggie. Maggie swings harder, if only to stop
the phone giving away her position.
She swings past, misses, and catches the phone on the next
swing. We intercut between her and Steve as necessary.
MAGGIE
Hello?
STEVE
Maggie! Where are you?
MAGGIE
I'm on the fucking train. I'm
hanging from a tree.
STEVE
Where?
MAGGIE
In the forest somewhere, I don't
know. Wait, remember those prickly
bushes we went through?
STEVE
Yeah?
MAGGIE
I'm just past those.
STEVE
Right, I'm coming.
MAGGIE
No! Look Steve, the guy's nearly
here. I don't want him to get you
too.
97.
STEVE
But you-
MAGGIE
We need one of us to survive, to
tell people what happened. Then
they can fucking burn the whole
forest down.
STEVE
I can't just leave you.
MAGGIE
Yes, you can. No sense us both
getting killed. Just go.
One of the hunters walks towards Maggie, carefully. He grabs
her mobile phone.
EXT. FOREST - DAY
STEVE
But I l-
He is stopped by a crunch sound coming from the phone
earpiece - Maggie's phone is cut off. Steve looks at the
"Call Terminated" message, sadly.
He walks away, heartbroken.
EXT. FOREST TREESTUMP - DAY
Steve walks into the area where Jill was captured. Her body
is still tied down over the treestump. She is dead, but was
clearly tortured for a very, very long time.
She has been partially burned. Her face is set in an
agonised scream. Steve stares at her.
He looks ahead - he can see the lake with the boats about
twenty yards away. He looks back to where Maggie yelled
from.
EXT. TANGLED FOREST - DAY
Maggie still hangs from the wire. The hunter approaches her,
grinning. Maggie makes a face at him. The hunter starts
undoing his belt buckle. Maggie's eyes flash.
MAGGIE
Go for it, big boy, I'll rip your
dick off.
The hunter doesn't know what she's saying. He takes his
trousers down, drops his machete, and laughs.
98.
STEVE (OFF)
Oi, fuckface.
The hunter turns around to see Steve standing there, holding
a huge tree branch.
STEVE
She said she’s not interested.
Steve pulls back, swings the branch, and whacks the hunter
round the head with it. The hunter goes down like a bag of
shite. Steve pounds his head into a pulp with the branch.
STEVE
You - dirty - fuckin' - bastard!
MAGGIE
I think he's dead.
Steve drops the branch on to the hunter, picks up the
machete, and cuts the wire around Maggie's ankle. Maggie
tumbles to the ground.
STEVE
Shit, sorry.
MAGGIE
It's okay. Thanks, Steve.
She gives Steve a huge kiss on the forehead, then one on
each cheek, and a quick one on the lips. Steve is delighted.
Maggie turns away for a moment.
Maggie has kept a brave face, but we can see now that she
was absolutely terrified. She shakes slightly at the thought
of what might have been.
Before they go, Maggie kicks the dead hunter in the balls.
Scene 37 - The Final Battle
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 10
- Plot: 8
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 5
Maggie and Steve burst out of the trees, and see the lake.
It is quite large, and so is the river that leads off from
it, on the far side.
Tied to a jetty are several motor boats. Maggie looks at
them in triumph, and high-fives Steve.
STEVE
What about the others?
MAGGIE
I'm not waiting. They can take one
of the other boats.
Maggie unties the rope from one of the boats. Steve sighs.
99.
STEVE
I don't need this. It's my fucking
birthday, for fuck's sake. I should
be in a pub getting drunk with my
mates. This is the worst birthday
ever.
Steve sighs, looking tired. Maggie smiles at him.
MAGGIE
Happy birthday.
STEVE
Thanks.
Steve manages a half smile. Maggie just stares at him.
Behind Steve, the original hunter from the lodge has come
out of the trees. He raises a knife up to throw it.
MAGGIE
Steve! DUCK!
STEVE
Where?
There's no time to explain - Maggie kicks Steve in the
balls, bending him over double. She ducks at the same time.
The knife flies over them and splashes in the water. The
hunter approaches, grinning. Maggie and Steve are helpless.
Steve lies on the ground, groaning, not even aware that the
hunter is coming. Maggie backs away, trying to think. She
looks around desperately for a weapon. There is nothing.
The hunter walks towards her, kicking Steve in the face,
hard. Steve is sent flying off the jetty into one of the
boats, and is knocked unconscious.
The hunter takes out a curved knife, and wipes it on his
sleeve. Maggie and the hunter face each other. There is a
terrible silence.
Maggie has no weapons. She knows she's dead. But she's not
going down without one hell of a fight. She straightens up,
gets in a fighting stance, and spits.
MAGGIE
Okay, motherfucker. You want me?
Come and get me.
The hunter approaches with his knife. He and Maggie circle
each other like caged tigers. The hunter swipes at Maggie's
stomach, but she jumps back, dodging it.
As the hunter is on his down-swing, Maggie darts around and
kicks him in the knee. The hunter staggers, grunting in
pain. He slashes at her arms, cutting her lightly.
100.
Maggie quickly punches him in the jaw, gasping at the pain
from the cuts. She kicks his knife hand, and the knife flies
away, landing right on the very edge of the jetty.
Maggie is high on adrenaline. The hunter is no longer
amused. He walks towards her, and punches her right in the
face, twice, quickly. Maggie staggers back.
The hunter moves in and punches her in the stomach, hard.
Maggie doubles over, gasping for breath.
The hunter kicks her in the side. He looks at her,
satisfied. He's weakened her, now he can take his time. He
licks the blood off his hand, smiling.
Maggie starts crawling towards the jetty - and the knife -
while the hunter watches, amused. Maggie doesn't take her
eyes off the knife, which is about ten feet away.
The hunter climbs on top of Maggie. She tries to shake him
off, but he's too heavy. He grabs her hair and whacks her
head into the ground. And again. And again. And again.
He gets his arm round her neck to choke her. Maggie sinks
her teeth into his arm, viciously, and the hunter screams
and lets go.
Maggie throws her head back into his nose, which breaks with
a loud crunch. The hunter howls in pain.
Maggie manages to get her keys out of her pocket. She flails
out with a key, and scrapes the jagged side down the
hunter's face, the metal squeaking against his cheekbone.
The hunter yells, and slams her head into the ground again.
Maggie bunches up the keys and sticks them right into the
hunter's eye, leaving them in there.
The hunter screams, and falls over, clutching his ruined
face. The bunch of keys hangs from his eye, jangling. Maggie
crawls towards the knife, slowly but steadily.
Behind her, the hunter gets up, and staggers after her. The
keys fall out of his eye. Bloody jelly drips down his face.
He pulls another, smaller knife out of his boot.
Maggie gets closer to the knife, determined to make it. The
jetty wobbles, making the knife bounce. Maggie gets closer.
Just as the hunter reaches her, she gets within grabbing
distance of the knife. She reaches out for it--
--but it drops off the edge, into the water.
MAGGIE
No!
101.
The hunter kicks her, sending her flying into the boat.
Maggie lands on her back, cracking her head on the side of
the boat, all the fight taken out of her.
In the other boat, Steve comes around. He sees a wooden oar
next to him.
The hunter steps into Maggie's boat. He raises his knife up
in the air, ready to stab. Steve whacks him over the head
with the oar. The hunter turns to face him.
STEVE
Maggie, get the boat started! I'll
keep him busy!
Steve swipes at the hunter, while Maggie grabs the starter
cord of the motor. She yanks it, hard. Nothing happens. The
hunter punches Steve, and knocks the oar into the water.
Maggie tries the motor again, harder. Still nothing happens.
The hunter kicks and punches Steve repeatedly, until Steve
collapses on the jetty.
The hunter turns around. Maggie still can't get the motor
started. She yanks and yanks, as the hunter approaches.
Suddenly the motor starts, but the entire assembly rips out
of the cheap boat wood. Maggie is now holding the chugging
motor in her hands. The boat isn't going anywhere.
On the jetty, Steve sees the hunter lunging towards Maggie,
and hears a horrible gurgling sound. The hunter's back
shakes, as he crouches over Maggie.
STEVE
No! You bastard, leave her alone!
Steve staggers towards the hunter to save Maggie, but
doesn't need to. The spinning propellor of the motor comes
out through the hunter's back, impaling him.
Maggie stands up, holding the motor, and lets out an unholy
warrior screech.
Still screeching, she wiggles the motor around, then brings
it up through the hunter's stomach and chest, as the hunter
screams in agony.
Maggie pulls the motor out, then jams the spinning propellor
into the hunter's face, sending fragments of face, flesh and
bone spinning everywhere.
She keeps it there, holding the hunter up, screaming as the
metal tears through his head, then pulls it away.
The hunter falls to the ground, dead. Maggie throws her head
back, holding the motor aloft, still screeching, like Bruce
Lee administering the fatal blow to the bad guy.
102.
Birds erupt from the treetops, squawking, flocking away,
spooked by the unnatural sound.
Gradually, her screech dies away. Panting, she tosses the
motor away. Steve is now covered in the hunter's blood. He
looks at himself, and at the hunter's remains.
STEVE
Fucking hell...
Steve takes a step, groans in pain, and clutches his groin.
STEVE (CONT)
Could have just said 'get down'.
MAGGIE
No time. More fun.
She half smiles, uncertainly, then just collapses.
Scene 38 - Aftermath
- Overall: 8.0
- Concept: 7
- Plot: 6
- Characters: 9
- Dialogue: 8
Steve and Maggie pilot one of the boats away from the jetty.
Behind them, about twenty more hunters come out of the
woods. They just stare at them, watching them go.
Maggie and Steve keep an eye on them, and increase their
speed. They look at each other.
EXT. BOAT/RIVER - DAY
Later. Steve and Maggie lie in the boat, utterly trashed,
filthy, covered in blood, battered to hell and back.
Maggie is a wreck. She looks like a berserker from
Braveheart after one of the battles. Blood-soaked bits of
shirt are wrapped around her many, many wounds.
Painfully, she pulls out her battered cigarette packet. She
takes out the last cigarette, but it's completely broken and
blood soaked. Shrugging, she lights it anyway.
She stares at her Polaroid photo of the gang in happier
times. They're all making silly faces, except for Steve's V-
sign, Jill's smile and Richard's "I'm important" pose.
Steve steers the boat; his other arm is bandaged. He sees
that Maggie is sad, and tries to take her mind off things.
STEVE
So how much are we going to sue the
company for?
MAGGIE
I hadn't really thought about it.
How much do you think?
103.
STEVE
Oh, shitloads. Emotional damage,
loss of earnings, blah blah blah.
Couple of mill, I reckon.
MAGGIE
Really?
STEVE
When they see me limping through
the door, they might as well write
me a cheque there and then. Limps
are a fucking gold mine in court.
MAGGIE
You should cry, as well. Get out a
big tissue, then drop it.
STEVE
Fuck off, I've got *some* dignity.
Steve gets out his bag of drugs. Passing them, going the
other way, are Nadia and Olga in a boat, half naked. Steve
sighs, shakes his head, and puts his drugs away.
There is a pause. Steve whistles.
STEVE (CONT)
So, anyway... you fancy one?
MAGGIE
One what?
STEVE
You know.
He waggles his eyebrows, nods his head, and makes general
silly faces implying that they should have sex.
MAGGIE
Jesus, Steve!
STEVE
What?
MAGGIE
I didn't think it was possible to
imagine anything worse than what
we've just been through - but hey,
apparently it is.
STEVE
Is that a no, then?
Maggie flicks him the V-sign, sighing.
104.
MAGGIE
At least now I know my life can't
possibly get any worse.
EXT. RIVER - DAY
As she talks, we are up in the air, high up, looking down on
a large stretch of the river.
As we see more of the river, we see that ahead of the boat,
around a bend, there is some white water, with vicious
looking rocks poking above the surface.
We pull out even further, revealing more of the river. After
the white water, the river ends in a huge, *huge*
waterfall...
FADE OUT.
Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:
| Character | Arc | Critique | Suggestions |
|---|---|---|---|
| Gareth | Through his journey, Gareth starts as the ultimate comic relief before slowly changing into a more serious and grounded character. He loses his naivety and gains a better understanding of the gravity of their situation. Sadly, he meets a tragic end, but his positivity and optimism serve as a reminder of the good things in life. | While Gareth is a likable character, his arc feels somewhat shallow, with his development only occurring towards the end of the movie. Additionally, his death feels like a cheap way to add stakes to the story. | To improve Gareth's arc, the script could make his development more gradual throughout the movie. Additionally, his death could be given more weight and meaning, perhaps as a sacrifice to save the other characters. This would add an emotional punch to his story and make his arc feel more cohesive. |
| Maggie | Maggie starts out as a principled and outspoken woman who is disgusted by her company's practices and skeptical of the team-building weekend at the lodge. She takes charge of some of the decision-making and demonstrates strong leadership qualities. As the movie progresses, Maggie becomes more comfortable with using her sexuality to get what she wants, but realizes she does not have as much power as she thought. Maggie reconciles with Jill and admits her temper issues, displaying a nurturing side and valuing friendship over grudges. She becomes a quick-thinking and pragmatic survivor, willing to do whatever it takes to protect herself and others. However, her past trauma has left her with a dark streak and willingness to kill, which she struggles to come to terms with. In the end, Maggie shows great resilience, determination, and bravery as she fights to survive and protect others from the hunters. | Overall, Maggie undergoes a well-developed character arc that highlights her strengths and weaknesses. However, her seductive and manipulative side is not explored in depth, and this aspect of her personality is sometimes used only as a plot device. Additionally, some of her traits and actions seem inconsistent or underdeveloped, such as her level of involvement in some scenes or her withdrawal from the group. Finally, her past trauma is not fully explored or resolved, which leaves some questions unanswered. | To improve Maggie's character arc, it could be useful to explore more in-depth her seductive and manipulative side, addressing whether this is a coping mechanism or a personality trait. Additionally, her reactions and reasoning in some scenes could be more explicitly stated to avoid inconsistencies or doubts about her characterization. Finally, delving deeper into her past trauma could provide greater insight into her motivations and actions, leading to a more cohesive and satisfying arc. |
| Richard | Throughout the screenplay, Richard's character arc revolves around his redemption and realization of the consequences of his actions. At first, Richard is portrayed as a selfish and condescending executive who only cares about his business deals and impressing his colleagues. However, as the group finds themselves in a life-threatening situation, Richard's leadership skills are tested, and he realizes the value of humility, accountability, and transparency. His vulnerable moment with Steve shows his ability to connect with others on a deeper level, which ultimately leads to his redemption. In the end, Richard's character arc ends with him accepting responsibility for his past mistakes and working towards creating a more ethical company culture. | The character arc is well-defined and provides a clear direction for Richard's growth throughout the screenplay. However, some of the descriptions of Richard's behavior are quite similar, making his character appear repetitive. It would be beneficial to highlight his redeeming moments more prominently, to provide a stronger payoff for his character arc. | To improve the character arc, more emphasis could be placed on Richard's growth towards accepting responsibility for his past mistakes. This could be achieved through showing Richard's attempts to rectify the harm caused by his actions or taking a leading role in creating a more ethical company culture. Additionally, the descriptions of Richard's snobby behavior could be toned down in favor of more moments that highlight his vulnerability and emotional depth. |
| Harris | Harris starts as a sophisticated and passive employee who defends the company's work. As the movie progresses, he becomes more confident, quick-witted, and takes charge in scary situations. However, his sadistic, playful side emerges, stoking fear in the group, and he becomes mysterious and possibly untrustworthy. Harris ultimately asserts his dominance in the group, standing up to Richard and leaving to get help. Despite being level-headed and practical, Harris's tragic death underscores the seriousness of the group's situation. | The character arc is well-defined, showing a clear progression from a passive employee to a confident, take-charge survivor. However, some aspects of Harris's character feel underdeveloped, such as his sadistic and mysterious side, which comes across as sudden and unexplained. Additionally, his death feels somewhat abrupt and doesn't resolve his character arc. | To improve the character arc, the movie could provide more context and backstory for Harris, such as why he enjoys unsettling others and his survivalist mentality. His death could also be more impactful if it resolved his character arc, such as sacrificing himself to protect Jill or the group. Overall, the movie could benefit from more nuanced and consistent characterization for Harris. |
| Billy | |||
| Steve | Steve begins the movie as a cynical and hostile employee who dislikes his job and colleagues. Throughout the film, he struggles with addiction, paranoia, and low self-esteem, which often make him a liability to the group. However, as the danger increases, he shows courage, resourcefulness, and care for his friends, especially Maggie. By the end of the movie, Steve has transformed into a tough and resourceful survivor who is willing to do whatever it takes to protect those he cares about. | While Steve's character arc is well-defined and engaging, it would be helpful to have more information about his past to understand his addiction and paranoia better. Additionally, some of Steve's behaviors, such as making inappropriate jokes and trying to sabotage romantic interludes, are inconsistent with his growth later in the movie. | To improve Steve's character arc, it would be helpful to provide more information about his past to explain his addiction and paranoia. Additionally, some of Steve's negative behaviors could be toned down to make his transformation more believable. Finally, giving Steve some moments of emotional vulnerability would add depth to his character and make his growth more compelling. |
| Jill | Jill's character arc begins with her questioning the ethics of the company and providing a counterpoint to Richard's arguments. Throughout the movie, she struggles with her health and anxiety, but also displays strong leadership qualities and resourcefulness during emergencies. However, her vulnerability is shown when she becomes tied up and tortured. By the end of the movie, Jill has learned to rely on her own strength and bravery instead of her medication and fears. | Jill's character arc is well-defined and shows a clear progression of growth and development. However, because there are so many different elements to her character, it can be difficult to keep track of her motivations and actions throughout the movie. Additionally, her dark tendencies towards the macabre are not fully explored or explained, leaving the audience with questions about her character. | To improve Jill's character arc, the filmmakers could provide more backstory or exposition about her dark tendencies towards the macabre. Additionally, they could give her more moments of vulnerability and introspection to make her character more relatable. Lastly, they could clarify her motivations and actions throughout the movie to make her character more coherent. |
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:
| Pattern | Explanation |
|---|---|
| Emotional Impact vs. Overall Grade | There is a strong positive correlation between Emotional Impact and Overall Grade, indicating that scenes with higher emotional impact tend to be scored higher overall. |
| Dialogue vs. Character Changes | There is a moderate positive correlation between Dialogue and Character Changes, indicating that more dialogue tends to lead to more changes in character. |
| High Stakes vs. Move Story Forward | There is a strong positive correlation between High Stakes and Moving Story Forward, indicating that scenes with higher stakes tend to be more impactful in advancing the story. |
| Concept vs. Tone | There is a weak negative correlation between Concept and Tone, indicating that scenes with a stronger concept tend to have a more serious tone, whereas scenes with a weaker concept tend to have a more sarcastic or humorous tone. |
| Conflict vs. Emotional Impact | There is a moderate positive correlation between Conflict and Emotional Impact, indicating that scenes with more conflict tend to be more emotionally impactful. |
| Plot vs. Character Changes | There is a weak positive correlation between Plot and Character Changes, indicating that advancing the plot tends to result in changes to the characters in the story. |
| Suspenseful vs. Tone | There is a weak positive correlation between scenes being Suspenseful and having a Tense or Ominous tone, indicating that suspenseful scenes tend to be more serious or foreboding. |
| Dialogue vs. Emotional Impact | There is a weak positive correlation between Dialogue and Emotional Impact, indicating that more impactful scenes tend to have more meaningful dialogue. |
| Tone vs. Overall Grade | There is a moderate positive correlation between Tone and Overall Grade, indicating that scenes with a stronger tone tend to be scored higher overall. |
| Suspenseful vs. High Stakes | There is a moderate positive correlation between Suspenseful and High Stakes, indicating that suspenseful scenes tend to have higher stakes and more tension. |
Stories Similar to this one
| Story | Explanation |
|---|---|
| Deliverance | The plot of Deliverance involves four friends taking a canoe trip down a river in Georgia, only to be attacked and hunted by the locals they encounter. Similarly, in this screenplay, a group of coworkers go on a team building retreat in a remote, isolated lodge and are hunted by a mysterious figure. |
| The Game | Both The Game and this screenplay involve mysterious team building exercises that turn into personal and psychological nightmares for the participants. In both cases, the characters must navigate a complex and dangerous game designed to challenge them and test them to their limits. |
| Saw | Saw and this screenplay both involve a group of people trapped in a dangerous and deadly game, with traps and puzzles designed to test their intelligence and resourcefulness. In both cases, the characters are forced to work together to survive the challenges and escape. |
| The Cabin in the Woods | The Cabin in the Woods and this screenplay both involve a group of people going to a remote cabin in the woods for a vacation or retreat, only to find themselves part of a larger conspiracy, with darker, scarier forces at work. In both cases, the characters must face their fears and fight for their survival against impossible odds. |
| The Most Dangerous Game | The Most Dangerous Game is a classic short story by Richard Connell about a big game hunter who becomes the hunted when he is stranded on a remote island and hunted by a madman. Similarly, in this screenplay, the characters must fight for their lives against a hunter who is stalking them through the woods. |
Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay
| Trope | Trope Details | Trope Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Abandoned in a Dangerous Situation | A man abandons two women in a bear pit during a chase through a forest. | This trope involves a character being left to their fate in a dangerous or life-threatening situation. An example of this can be seen in the movie 'The Descent' when Juno abandons Sarah in a cave. |
| Corporate Conspiracy | Employees of a weapons company express concern over the ethical implications of their work and discover evidence of their company's atrocities. | |
| Paranoia Fuel | The characters become increasingly paranoid as they navigate the dark forest, hear strange noises, and discover evidence of a sinister presence. | Paranoia fuel involves a story or situation that creates a sense of unease or fear in the reader/viewer by emphasizing the unknown or uncertain. An example of this can be seen in the movie 'The Thing' where a group of researchers in Antarctica become paranoid and suspicious as they try to uncover the identity of a shape-shifting alien. |
| Final Girl | Maggie fights back against the hunters and ultimately defeats the main antagonist with her strength and wit. | The final girl trope involves a female character who survives until the end of a horror or thriller film and usually defeats the main antagonist using her own resourcefulness and intelligence. An example of this can be seen in the movie 'Halloween' where Laurie Strode is the final girl who confronts and defeats the killer Michael Myers. |
| Chase Scene | Three people are chased through a forest by an unknown figure. | A chase scene involves a pursuit between two or more characters, usually with one trying to catch or harm the other. An example of this can be seen in the movie 'Mad Max: Fury Road' where Max and Furiosa chase each other through a post-apocalyptic wasteland. |
| Found Footage | The characters discover evidence of their company's atrocities in a cellar filled with strung-up animals and medical equipment. | Found footage involves a story told through footage that was discovered or compiled by the characters in the story. An example of this can be seen in the movie 'The Blair Witch Project' where the characters discover footage of their own doomed expedition. |
| Survival Horror | The characters are stranded in a remote location with limited supplies and must fend off attacks from unknown figures. | Survival horror involves a story that emphasizes the survival and self-preservation of the characters, often in a horror or thriller context. An example of this can be seen in the video game 'Resident Evil' where the player must navigate a zombie-infested mansion while solving puzzles and managing supplies. |
| Theme | Theme Details | Themee Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Survival |
| Survival is a major theme throughout the screenplay as the characters are constantly fighting to stay alive in a dangerous and hostile environment. This theme is explored through their struggles to escape bear traps, find weapons, and evade the hunter who is tracking them. The characters are forced to rely on their survival skills and instincts in order to make it out alive. |
| Ethics |
| Ethics is an important theme throughout the screenplay as the characters grapple with the consequences of their actions. They are employed by a company that creates deadly weapons and must confront the moral implications of their work. The theme is explored through their debates and discussions about their employer's activities, as well as their reactions to the atrocities they discover at the lodge. |
| Betrayal |
| Betrayal is a recurring theme throughout the screenplay as the characters turn on each other and struggle to trust one another. Richard, in particular, betrays the women in the bear pit and is later revealed to have forced the team building exercise upon them. The theme is explored through the group's tense and often combative interactions, as well as their struggles to work together and trust each other. |
| Isolation |
| Isolation is a significant theme throughout the screenplay as the characters are cut off from society and struggle to find a way out. They are stranded in a remote wilderness, with no means of communication or escape, which leads to feelings of fear and paranoia. The theme is explored through their attempts to find a way out, as well as their increasingly desperate actions as they face the danger and uncertainty of their situation. |
| Mortality |
| Mortality is a significant theme throughout the screenplay as the characters are constantly faced with the fragility of life and the reality of death. They witness numerous deaths throughout the story and are forced to confront their own mortality as they struggle to survive in a hostile environment. The theme is explored through their reactions to death and their struggles to find meaning and value in life amidst the chaos and danger around them. |
Screenwriting Resources on Themes
Articles
| Site | Description |
|---|---|
| Studio Binder | Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters |
| Coverfly | Improving your Screenplay's theme |
| John August | Writing from Theme |
YouTube Videos
| Title | Description |
|---|---|
| Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics | Screenwriting basics - beginner video |
| What is theme | Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay. |
| Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script | Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts |
| Voice Analysis | |
|---|---|
| Summary: | The writer's voice is characterized by sarcastic and satirical humor, dark humor and irony, witty banter, naturalistic dialogue, and a focus on tension-building and suspense. |
| Voice Contribution | The writer's voice contributes to the script by establishing a unique tone and atmosphere. Through the use of humor, the writer adds levity to intense situations and explores dark themes with satire. The witty and sarcastic dialogue adds depth to the characters and creates a sense of realism. The writer's focus on tension-building and suspense keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story. |
| Best Representation Scene | 34 - Standoff at the Lodge |
| Best Scene Explanation | Scene 34 is the best representation of the author's voice because it showcases the writer's darkly comedic and sarcastic dialogue. The dialogue adds a humorous element to the tense situation and effectively builds tension. |
Originality
- Overall originality score: 6
- Overall originality explanation: The screenplay demonstrates moderate originality with fresh approaches to familiar situations and unique elements added to the scenes.
- Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the presence of a talking deer, the use of dissolving trees, and the discovery of a landmine in a forest setting.
| Goals and Philosophical Conflict | |
|---|---|
| internal Goals | The protagonist's internal goal is to survive and navigate the dangerous situation they find themselves in. Their fear, discomfort, and desire for safety and security are reflected in their actions and reactions throughout the script. |
| External Goals | The protagonist's external goal is to endure the challenges and obstacles they face, such as reaching their destination, escaping danger, and ultimately surviving. They are driven by the need to protect themselves and their companions, and to find help and safety. |
| Philosophical Conflict | The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of morality, ethics, and the impact of one's actions. The protagonist and other characters are faced with dilemmas that challenge their values and beliefs, such as the ethical implications of their work, the blurred lines between reality and fantasy, and the tension between survival and morality. |
Character Development Contribution: The goals and conflicts contribute to the character's development by challenging their beliefs and values, and forcing them to confront their fears, insecurities, and moral dilemmas. The protagonist undergoes a transformation as they navigate the challenges, make difficult choices, and learn to prioritize survival and the well-being of their companions.
Narrative Structure Contribution: The goals and conflicts provide the narrative structure by creating tension, raising stakes, and driving the plot forward. They serve as catalysts for action and create obstacles that the characters must overcome, leading to a climax and resolution. The evolving goals and conflicts create a sense of urgency and propel the story towards its conclusion.
Thematic Depth Contribution: The goals and conflicts contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring themes such as morality, ethics, survival, human nature, and the impact of one's choices. They raise thought-provoking questions about the nature of right and wrong, the value of life, and the limits of human resilience. The exploration of these themes adds depth and complexity to the story, making it resonate with audiences on a deeper level.
Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict
Articles
| Site | Description |
|---|---|
| Creative Screenwriting | How Important Is A Character’s Goal? |
| Studio Binder | What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict |
YouTube Videos
| Title | Description |
|---|---|
| How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict | How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode. |
| Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great | By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes |
| Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals | By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy? |
World Building
- Physical environment: The world depicted in the screenplay is a diverse range of physical environments including a minibus, a barren rocky hillside, an old and shabby minibus, a dark and scary forest, a rustic lodge in an isolated area, a forest setting with melting trees and fairy lights, a lodge in a clearing in the woods, a lodge in a forest during a rainy night, a row of prison cells, a lodge with top hats and a child, a rural lodge at night, a lodge on a hill with snow, a lodge main room, a forested road and woods, a forest clearing, a lodge clearing with bear traps, a lodge clearing with burning lodge, a dark, winding road, a forested area with torture instruments, a lodge clearing with five mattresses, a lodge with paint splashes, a small lodge at night with a barricaded door, a lodge with a study and a cellar, a dark and ominous lodge cellar, a dark, ominous lodge, a burning-down lodge, a clearing in a forest at night, a lake and river, a tangled forest with prickly bushes, a lake with several motor boats tied to a jetty, a forest and a fancy lodge, a forest with hunters, a forest clearing and a lake, and a lake and river.
- Culture: The cultural elements present in the screenplay include the diverse group of employees watching a corporate video, the singing of a song by the driver in an old and shabby minibus, the preference for city vs. nature and playing team games for entertainment in the forest setting, the mention of Palisade in a local newspaper in a lodge with unique physical characteristics, the societal structure involving a hierarchy with Richard thinking he is in charge in a rustic lodge at night, and the presence of hunters who are psychotic war criminals in a lodge with hunters.
- Society: The societal structure is not explicitly emphasized in the screenplay, but there are mentions of employees of Palisade Defense, an arms company, and a reference to a company logo on a landmine, suggesting a society centered around the arms industry.
- Technology: The technological aspects present in the screenplay include the use of laptops and maps in an old and shabby minibus, the generator used to power the lodge in a forest setting, the mobile phone that doesn't work in a forested road and in the woods, the torture instruments such as scalpels and needles in a forested area, and the presence of drugs Steve carries in a lodge with a main room.
- Characters influence: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology in the world shape the characters' experiences and actions. The barren, isolated, and foreboding physical environments contribute to the characters' feelings of isolation and vulnerability. The cultural elements, such as the diverse group of employees and the preference for city vs. nature, influence the characters' relationships and dynamics. The presence of an arms company and hunters as societal structures create conflict and danger for the characters. The use of technology, such as laptops and mobile phones, affects the characters' communication and navigation abilities. These world elements shape the characters' decisions, interactions, and emotions throughout the screenplay.
- Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute to the narrative by establishing the physical and emotional stakes for the characters. The unique physical environments, culture, and societal structures provide the backdrop for the characters' journey and conflicts. The technology present in the world adds a layer of realism and enables certain plot developments. The world elements also serve as catalysts for the characters' actions and decisions, driving the overall narrative forward.
- Thematic depth contribution: The world elements in the screenplay contribute to the thematic depth by exploring themes of isolation, danger, morality, and survival. The physical environments and cultural elements highlight the characters' struggle with their surroundings and their own beliefs. The technology present in the world raises questions about the ethical implications of advancements and their role in destructive industries. The societal structures, such as the arms company and hunters, serve as symbols of power and the consequences of unchecked ambition. These world elements deepen the exploration of the characters' moral dilemmas and the overall themes of the screenplay.
Screenplay Rating:
Recommend
Executive Summary
The screenplay for 'Severance' is a well-crafted thriller that follows a group of corporate employees who become trapped in a remote, dangerous location and must fight for their survival against a group of psychotic, former-military antagonists. The screenplay features strong character development, intense action sequences, and thought-provoking themes around the ethics of the arms industry. While the pacing could be tightened in places and some narrative elements could be further developed, the overall screenplay is a compelling and engaging read that would make for a compelling film adaptation.
Strengths
- The scene where Billy takes charge and rallies the remaining group members showcases strong leadership skills and a determination to survive, which is a compelling character arc. high ( Scene 12 (INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT) )
- The scene where Maggie confronts George with the harsh reality of the situation and forces him to cooperate demonstrates her strong-willed and no-nonsense personality, which is a refreshing contrast to the more passive characters. high ( Scene 33 (EXT. FOREST CLEARING - DAY) )
- The final sequence where Maggie and Steve fight for their survival against the last hunter showcases intense, well-choreographed action sequences that are both thrilling and emotionally impactful. high ( Scene 36 (EXT. TANGLED FOREST - DAY) Scene 37 (EXT. LAKE - DAY) )
- The scenes exploring the backstories and character motivations of the supporting cast, such as Jill's anxiety issues and Richard's personal struggles, add depth and nuance to the ensemble. medium ( Scene 11 (INT. JILL'S ROOM - NIGHT) Scene 12 (INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT) )
- The introductory scenes that establish the ensemble cast and their dynamics provide a strong foundation for the rest of the narrative. medium ( Scene 2 (INT. MINIBUS - DAY) Scene 3 (INT. MINIBUS - DAY) )
Areas of Improvement
- The pacing in the early scenes could be tightened to maintain a stronger sense of forward momentum and keep the audience engaged. medium ( Scene 4 (INT. MINIBUS - DAY) Scene 5 (INT. MINIBUS - DAY) )
- The passage of time and transitions between scenes could be more clearly delineated to avoid any confusion for the audience. medium ( Scene 9 (INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT) Scene 10 (INT. LODGE CELLAR - NIGHT) )
- The subplot involving Jill's disappearance and potential fate could be better integrated and foreshadowed throughout the earlier portions of the screenplay. medium ( Scene 17 (EXT. ROAD TO LODGE - DAY) Scene 18 (EXT. FORK IN ROAD - DAY) )
MissingElements
- The opening sequence that establishes the main conflict and sets up the larger narrative could be expanded upon to provide more context and a stronger inciting incident. medium ( Scene 1 (SEVERANCE) )
- The scenes involving Gareth's fate and the mysterious figure in the cellar could be further developed to provide more insight into the antagonist's motivations and backstory. medium ( Scene 26 (INT. UNKNOWN - NIGHT) Scene 27 (INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT) )
NotablePoints
- The scene where the group discusses the morality of Palisade Defense's business practices raises thought-provoking questions about the ethics of the arms industry and the responsibility of individuals within it. high ( Scene 9 (INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT) )
- The scenes that explore the group's dynamics and interpersonal relationships, such as the tension between Billy and Richard or the growing bond between Jill and Maggie, add emotional depth to the narrative. medium ( Scene 12 (INT. LODGE MAIN ROOM - NIGHT) Scene 16 (INT. JILL'S ROOM - NIGHT) )
- The twist where the group discovers that George and the others have been at a separate, more luxurious lodge the entire time adds an unexpected layer of irony and commentary on corporate culture. high ( Scene 34 (EXT. FOREST CLEARING - DAY) Scene 35 (INT. FANCY LODGE MAIN ROOM - DAY) )
Memorable lines in the script:
| Scene Number | Line |
|---|---|
| 35 | Maggie: There is a pack of psychotic war criminals fucked up on electro-shock treatment and medication right behind us, and very soon they will come through that door, rip off our heads, and shit down our necks. So if you have any more questions, maybe they can wait until we have GOT THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! NOW MOVE YOUR FAT FUCKING ASS OR I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF! |
| 10 | Deer: Now get out of my forest. Fucking druggie. |
| 8 | Steve: Bugger me sideways. |
| 30 | Gareth: I forgive you... |
| 32 | Steve: Got you, you fucker! |