the 5th element

Executive Summary

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Overview

Genres: Science Fiction, Action, Adventure, Thriller, Comedy, Sci-Fi, Romance, Drama, Mystery, Fantasy

Setting: 1913, Nile River Valley in Egypt

Overview: The Fifth Element follows the story of Korben Dallas, a former cab driver who becomes humanity's only hope against an impending cosmic evil. Guided by a mysterious priest and an enigmatic alien woman, Korben must gather the four elemental stones and activate the Fifth Element to save the Earth from destruction.

Themes: Good vs. Evil, Love, Sacrifice, Identity, Environmentalism

Conflict and Stakes: There are no conflicts that arise in this scene.

Overall Mood: A mix of excitement, suspense, and awe as the characters unravel the ancient prophecy and face the impending evil.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: A sense of mystery and wonder as Omar enters the temple and discovers the ancient hieroglyphs.
  • Scene 5: A sense of urgency and suspense as the characters race against time to stop the evil from destroying the world.
  • Scene 7: A sense of awe and wonder as the characters witness the power of the ancient prophecy.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: An ancient prophecy foretelling an impending evil that threatens to destroy the world.
  • Plot Twist: The discovery that the ancient prophecy is real and the evil is already present on Earth.
  • Unique Setting: An ancient Egyptian temple filled with secrets and dangers.
  • Innovative Idea: The use of ancient hieroglyphs as a source of knowledge and power.
  • Unique Characters: A diverse cast of characters with unique abilities and motivations.
  • Genre Blend: A blend of science fiction, adventure, and action genres.

Comparable Scripts:

  • Dune (novel)
  • The Lord of the Rings (film trilogy)
  • Stargate (film)
  • Star Wars (film franchise)
  • Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark (film)
  • The Matrix (film)
  • Blade Runner (film)
  • Arrival (film)
  • The Fifth Element (film)
  • Logan's Run (novel and film)

Writing Style:

The writing style of the screenplay is characterized by a blend of action, humor, suspense, and philosophical themes. It features fast-paced dialogue, complex character dynamics, and high-stakes situations set in futuristic or unique settings.

Style Similarities:

  • Luc Besson
  • Christopher Nolan
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Consider


Explanation: The Fifth Element is a visually imaginative and action-packed science fiction screenplay with a unique blend of humor and heart. While the world-building and central characters are compelling, the screenplay could benefit from further character development, tighter plotting, and a more nuanced exploration of its themes.


USP: This imaginative sci-fi actioner, set across the sprawling expanse of time and space, tells a captivating tale of an impending cosmic evil, ancient prophecies, and the power of the human spirit to fight for the greater good. Equal parts thrilling and thought-provoking, this unique screenplay combines elements of science fiction, action, and philosophy to create a world where heroes emerge from unexpected places and the fate of humanity hangs in the balance. With its memorable characters, innovative storytelling techniques, and deeply resonant themes, this screenplay promises an unforgettable cinematic experience that will leave you questioning the nature of evil, the power of love, and the enduring resilience of the human will.
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Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$100 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 18-49, fans of science fiction, adventure, and action films.

Marketability: It has the potential to appeal to a wide audience and generate buzz due to its unique blend of genres and exploration of compelling themes. The presence of well-known actors would also likely increase its marketability.

The screenplay has a strong hook and unique concept, but the execution may be challenging and require a skilled director and cast to bring it to life successfully.

Profit Potential: High, due to its potential for strong box office returns and merchandising opportunities.

See Overview
Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice in this screenplay is characterized by the blend of wit, imagination, and a touch of absurdity. The unique style of the writer manifests itself through sharp dialogue, paradoxes, dark humor, and a penchant for the unexpected.

Best representation: Scene Scene 17. Scene 17 effectively showcases the writer's unique voice through the intense confrontation between Zorg and Aknot. The scene is filled with sharp dialogue, dark humor, and a touch of the absurd. Zorg's manipulation and Aknot's stubbornness create a dynamic tension that highlights the writer's skill in crafting memorable and engaging confrontations.

Memorable Lines:

  • ZORG: A case with four stones in it. Not one! Not two or three! But four!!! Four stones!!! What the fuck am I supposed to do with an EMPTY case?!! (Scene 17)
  • Diva: Leeloo is the Fifth Element, the Supreme Being. She is more than just your wife. (Scene 43)
  • Cornelius: The goal of evil is to wipe out life! All forms of life. For all eternity...Life upsets it. (Scene 7)
  • Zorg: Life, which you so nobly serve, comes from destruction. (Scene 18)
  • ZORG: Never be ashamed of who you are... You're warriors... be proud... (Scene 16)
Characters

Omar:A young boy who travels through the desert to a deserted excavation camp at the base of a large temple.

Professor Massimo Pacoli:A scientist who is deciphering ancient hieroglyphs on a wall inside the temple.

Billy Masterson:A young man who is assisting Professor Pacoli with deciphering the hieroglyphs.

Aziz:A young boy who falls asleep, causing the mirror reflecting light into the temple to fall.

See Characters and Arcs
Story Shape
Summary As the world faces imminent destruction from an evil planet, a team led by Major Korben races against time to find and activate the elemental Stones of Power and the Fifth Element, Leeloo. With threats from the approaching Dark Planet, Mangalores, and the traitorous Zorg, they must overcome obstacles and work together to save Earth. Through sacrifices, alliances, and moments of despair, they ultimately succeed in harnessing the power of the Divine Light beam to thwart the evil planet and ensure Earth's survival. The team's efforts, bravery, and unity ultimately prevail, showcasing the triumph of good over evil in a thrilling race against time.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay presents an imaginative and captivating premise, blending science fiction and ancient mythology to create a unique and engaging story. The characters are diverse and well-developed, each with their own motivations and conflicts. The pacing is generally good, with exciting action sequences and moments of suspense building up to the climactic confrontation. The script's exploration of themes such as the battle between good and evil and the power of love adds depth and resonance to the narrative. However, the plot can feel somewhat predictable at times, and the ending may not fully satisfy all viewers. Additionally, some of the dialogue could benefit from refinement to enhance its impact and emotional weight.
Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, consider adding more complexity and depth to the central conflict. Explore the motivations of the antagonists further and introduce obstacles that challenge the protagonists in unexpected ways. Additionally, focus on crafting a more emotionally impactful ending that leaves a lasting impression on the audience. Refine the dialogue to ensure it effectively conveys character emotions, motivations, and the film's themes. By addressing these areas, the screenplay can elevate its storytelling and create a more memorable and engaging cinematic experience.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The beginning of the screenplay effectively establishes the unique and intriguing world, capturing the audience's attention with its blend of science fiction and ancient mythology. The introduction of the characters and their motivations is well-paced, and the pacing creates a sense of anticipation and curiosity. The discovery of the prophecy and the subsequent quest embark upon sets the stage for an epic adventure. However, the initial scenes may benefit from further development to provide a stronger emotional connection to the characters and their struggles. Strengthening the emotional stakes early on will enhance the impact of the subsequent events.
Suggestions: To enhance the beginning of the screenplay, consider adding more depth to the characters' motivations and personal stakes in the conflict. Explore their fears, desires, and relationships to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience. Additionally, focus on building a sense of urgency and danger from the outset, immersing the viewers in the high-stakes nature of the quest. By addressing these areas, the screenplay can captivate the audience from the opening scenes and set the stage for a compelling and emotionally resonant journey.
Middle The middle part of the screenplay maintains the intrigue and excitement, offering a series of thrilling action sequences and suspenseful moments. The exploration of the ancient temple and the discovery of the elemental stones add layers of mystery and complexity to the narrative. The interactions between the characters, particularly the growing bond between Korben and Leeloo, provide emotional depth and drive the story forward. However, the pacing in this section could be tightened to increase the sense of urgency and keep the audience fully engaged. Additionally, consider adding more significant obstacles or challenges for the protagonists to overcome, raising the stakes and creating a more dynamic and gripping storyline.
Suggestions: To improve the middle part of the screenplay, focus on refining the pacing to maintain a consistent level of tension and excitement. Introduce new obstacles or challenges that test the characters' resolve and push them to their limits. Additionally, explore the relationships between the characters further, delving into their motivations and conflicts to create a more nuanced and emotionally resonant narrative. By addressing these areas, the screenplay can elevate the stakes and keep the audience invested in the story's progression.
Ending The ending of the screenplay delivers a visually stunning and emotionally satisfying conclusion to the story. The final confrontation between good and evil is epic in scale and provides a sense of closure to the characters' journeys. The exploration of the power of love and sacrifice adds depth and resonance to the climax. However, the ending could benefit from a stronger sense of emotional catharsis. Consider adding moments of reflection or introspection for the characters to fully process the events and their impact. Additionally, explore the consequences of the final battle and how it affects the world and the characters' lives beyond the immediate resolution. By addressing these areas, the screenplay can create a more impactful and emotionally resonant ending that leaves a lasting impression on the audience.
Suggestions: To enhance the ending of the screenplay, focus on crafting a more emotionally cathartic and resonant conclusion. Provide opportunities for the characters to reflect on their journey and the sacrifices they have made. Explore the broader implications of the final battle and how it shapes the world and the characters' lives moving forward. Additionally, consider incorporating moments of introspection and emotional release to give the audience a sense of closure and satisfaction. By addressing these areas, the screenplay can elevate the ending and create a lasting impact on the viewers.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

Story Content Character Development Scene Elements Audience Engagement Technical Aspects
Click for Full Analysis Tone Overall Grade Concept Plot Originality Score Characters Internal Goal External Goal Conflict Story forward Twist Emotional Impact Dialogue Engagement Pacing Formatting Structure
1 - Omar's Arrival at the Temple Mysterious, Desolate, Intriguing 8 8 79 6 387.5385674 598.58.58
2 - Discovery and Danger in the Ancient Temple Mysterious, Exciting, Intriguing 8 9 89 7 687778987 79888
3 - Chaos in the Temple Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense, Mysterious 9 9 99 8 787989988 89888
4 - Cosmic Encounters Mysterious, Epic, Suspenseful 8 9 89 7 689889987 79999
5 - Planet X: Attack or Study? Tense, Serious, Mysterious 8 9 88 7 687989987 89888
6 - Attack on the Intelligent Planet Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 9 99 8 789989988 89999
7 - Morning Routine and Impending Doom Tense, Mysterious, Foreboding, Intense, Serious 8 9 89 7 687969977 79888
8 - The President's Decision Tense, Dramatic, Suspenseful, Serious 8 9 89 7 687989987 79988
9 - Korben's Encounter and Presidential Crisis Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense, Mysterious 8 8 89 7 689989987 99999
10 - The Engineered Cell Mysterious, Intense, Foreboding 8 9 89 7 687879986 79888
11 - The Creation and Escape of the Supreme Being Fascinated, Worried, Disgusted, Angry, Hypnotized, Impressed 8 8 79 9 787988888 79888
12 - The Ledge Suspenseful, Mysterious, Thrilling, Intense 8 8 79 8 789989987 79999
13 - The Fifth Element Arrives Excitement, Mystery, Suspense 8 9 89 7 687878987 79888
14 - Korben Meets Leeloo Mysterious, Exciting, Romantic, Humorous 8 8 79 9 687778877 89888
15 - Leeloo's History Lesson and Stone Search Serious, Playful, Mysterious 8 8 79 8 687.5788886 79888
16 - Zorg's Reveal Suspenseful, Dramatic, Intense 8 8 89 7 689989987 79988
17 - Confrontation and Dismissal Tense, Humorous, Suspenseful 8 8 79 8 687989886 99888
18 - The Stones' Refusal Intense, Philosophical, Confrontational 8 9 89 7 687889987 99888
19 - Stones Located Suspense, Dramatic, Intense 8 8 89 7 689989987 79999
20 - Korben's Dilemma Sarcastic, Resigned, Bewildered 8 8 89 8 889889987 99888
21 - The Apartment Panic Suspenseful, Humorous, Dramatic 8 8 79 8 687889887 79988
22 - Mistaken Identity Suspenseful, Humorous, Dramatic 8 8 89 7 687989977 79988
23 - Awkward Interruption Intense, Suspenseful, Emotional, Playful 8 8 79 9 787878878 89888
24 - Arrival at the Airport Suspenseful, Intense, Playful 8 8 89 7 787889977 79988
25 - Boarding the Flight to Fhloston Paradise Humorous, Suspenseful, Action-packed 8 8 89 7 689988977 79988
26 - Korben's Encounter with Loc Rhod Humorous, Sarcastic, Energetic 8 8 79 8 487584776 99888
27 - Airport Confrontation Tense, Humorous, Suspenseful 8 7 89 7 587888986 79988
28 - Lost in Translation Playful, Romantic, Light-hearted 8 8 79 9 687473776 89888
29 - Explosive Revelation Suspenseful, Humorous, Exciting 8 8 79 8 687888887 79988
30 - Cosmic Convergence and Desperate Search Tense, Exciting, Suspenseful, Mysterious 8 8 89 7 689989986 79888
31 - Arrivals and Departures Playful, Tense, Exciting 8 8 89 7 687877887 79888
32 - Leeloo's Encounter with the Diva and Korben Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Romantic 8 8 79 9 787.5887888 898.588
33 - Interlude on Fhloston Paradise Tense, Exciting, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 9 98 8 797989988 89999
34 - Chaos at Fhloston Paradise Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 8 99 8 7879810988 79988
35 - The Diva's Revelation Intense, Emotional, Suspenseful 9 9 88 9 887979979 89888
36 - Korben Retrieves the Stones Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 8 99 8 787989988 79988
37 - Escape from the Police Station Intense, Exciting, Suspenseful 8 8 89 7 689989977 69888
38 - Confrontation at the Palace Tense, Suspenseful, Action-packed, Dramatic 9 8 99 8 7879810988 79988
39 - Escape from Fhloston Paradise Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Action-packed 9 9 88 8 787989988 79999
40 - Aftermath and Contact Tense, Dramatic, Intense, Emotional, Action-packed 9 8 98 8 787989988 79999
41 - The Earth's Last Hope Tense, Urgent, Dramatic 8 8 89 7 689889987 79988
42 - The Stones of Power Desperate, Tense, Hopeful, Intense 9 9 89 8 787889979 79988
43 - Sacrifice and Salvation: Earth's Destiny Intense, Emotional, Romantic, Dramatic 9 8 99 9 8987889810 89988
44 - The President's Visit Tense, Emotional, Exciting, Dramatic 9 9 99 8 887979989 89988


Scene 1 - Omar's Arrival at the Temple
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 5
THE FIFTH ELEMENT

by

Luc Besson




FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY




Converted to PDF by ScreenTalk™ Online
http://www.screentalk.org
FADE IN:

EXT. DESERT NILE RIVER VALLEY - DAY

Somewhere in the Nile at the edge of the desert.

CREDITS ROLL

WRITTEN: EGYPT 1913

OMAR and his mule zigzag along the bottom of sun scorched
dunes.

EXT. TEMPLE EXCAVATION - DAY

The mule and the boy finally reach a camp. A few tents
dwarfed by a huge temple door jutting out of the sand. The
camp is deserted except for some kids by the temple entrance
holding large mirrors, reflecting light into the temple.

Omar leaves his mule in the shade, seizes two goatskins and
slips inside the temple.
Genres: ["Adventure","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Omar, a young boy, arrives at a deserted excavation camp in the Nile River Valley. He enters a large temple with two goatskins while children reflect sunlight into it with mirrors. The scene ends with Omar entering the temple.
Strengths
  • Intriguing setting
  • Engaging concept
  • Visual storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development
Critique
  • The scene sets up a mysterious and intriguing atmosphere with the desert setting and the deserted excavation camp at the temple.
  • The introduction of Omar and his mule adds a sense of journey and adventure to the scene.
  • The presence of children reflecting light into the temple with mirrors adds a mystical element to the setting.
  • The scene lacks dialogue and character interaction, which could help to further develop the story and engage the audience.
  • There is a lack of clear direction or conflict in the scene, making it feel a bit aimless.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the imagery and immerse the audience in the setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding dialogue between Omar and the children or Omar and his mule to provide more insight into the characters and their motivations.
  • Introduce a clear goal or conflict for Omar to overcome in the scene to drive the narrative forward.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the desert, the temple, and the children to create a more vivid and engaging setting.
  • Consider adding a sense of urgency or tension to the scene to keep the audience invested in the story.
  • Explore ways to incorporate elements of foreshadowing or mystery to hint at the larger story to come.



Scene 2 - Discovery and Danger in the Ancient Temple
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. TEMPLE - DAY

Omar makes his way uneasily down a pillared corridor that
opens into a vast room where an old scientist stands on a
small wooden ladder in front of the wall across the room.
PROFESSOR MASSIMO PACOLI. A young man is beside him, BILLY
MASTERSON, age 25, an American student. He has a large
sketchpad in his hands.

Behind them AZIZ, age 10, whose job is to hold the last mirror
which shines light into the expansive room.

PROFESSOR
(deciphering)
"..when the three planets are in
eclipse.."

His fingers trace across the wall which is covered with
symbols and strange hieroglyphs as he deciphers.

PROFESSOR
"..the black hole like a door is
open... Evil comes ... sowing terror
and chaos..." See? The snake, Billy.
The Ultimate Evil ... make sure you
get the snake!

The Professor points emphatically to the snake, the symbol
of Evil, coming through the door between the three planets
in eclipse. C.U. Billy's hand sketches the snake quickly.

He is a natural artist.
2.

BILLY
And when is this door opening snake
act supposed to occur?

The Professor's fingers touch the signs.

PROFESSOR
..if this is the five..and this the
thousand..

He calculates.

PROFESSOR
Every five thousand years..

BILLY
(kidding)
So I have some time..

He reaches for the pad.

ANGLE ON: Omar. Standing at the entrance to the chamber
with the water bag, entranced by the sight. A skeletal hand
falls on his shoulder. Omar turns to an ancient PRIEST in a
rough milled black cannock.

PRIEST
I will take it to them my son.

Startled but obedient, Omar gives the water bag to the Priest.

PRIEST
Go with God.. be safe from Evil..

The Priest makes the sign of the Cross on the boy's forehead,
dismissing him.

As soon as he is gone, the Priest turns a worried eye to the
Professor.

ANGLE ON: The Professor is back to translating, Billy to
sketching.

PROFESSOR
"..then arrange the elements of life
against the Terror just so.."

His fingers run on.

PROFESSOR
"..Water..fire..earth..air..four
elements around the fifth.."

His fingers fall on the one element that has a human shape,
surrounded by all the others.
3.

The Priest opens the water skin and begins to pour a vial of
powder into the skin.

ANGLE ON: Aziz falling asleep. The mirror falls, the light
fails.

PROFESSOR
Aziz! Light!

The boy struggles to stay awake. The mirror comes up.

PRIEST
Lord forgive me.. they already know
too, much..

PROFESSOR
"..in which all the history of the
Universe resides ..all the
strength..all the hope..Protect us
from Evil.."

PRIEST (V.O.)
Amen..

The Professor turns to the Priest who is pouring water into
a tin cup from the skin.

PROFESSOR
Father.. it in the most extraordinary
thing.. the greatest find in
history..can you imagine the
implications.

PRIEST
Only too well... here you must be
parched..

He hands the cup to the Professor. The Professor takes it,
has it almost to his lips when..

PROFESSOR
I mean look.. it is like a battle
plan..

In his excitement he does not drink, much to the Priest's
chagrin.

PROFESSOR
Here the Good.. Here the Evil..

As the Priest looks up, Aziz the mirror boy, tips his mouth
under the water skin, drinking the leakage.

PROFESSOR
Here..

He points to the Five Elements.
4.

PROFESSOR
A weapon against evil. Amazing! I
am going to be famous.

PRIEST
Then let us toast to your fame!
Here Billy..

The Priest hands Billy a cup.

PRIEST
Drink!

PROFESSOR
To fame.. salud..

The Professor raises the cup to drink, and then...

PROFESSOR
We cannot toast with water.. Billy !
In my sack.. the Grappa!

The Priest watches, disconsolate, as the Professor tosses
away his water. Billy finishes his cup before running off
into the tunnel.

EXT. COLONNADE - DAY

A muffled SOUND grows steadily louder. Outside, a monstrous
linear shadow disturbs the kid's game and gradually darkens
the temple entrance.

INT. TUNNEL - DAY

Billy is looking for the grappa in the Professor's bag. He
comes upon a machine pistol.

When the muffled SOUND suddenly grabs his attention. He
leans toward the corridor and sees part of a spaceship appear.
Billy is paralyzed.

INT. TEMPLE ROOM - DAY

The Professor keeps reading over the inscription.

PROFESSOR
"..this perfect person.. this perfect
being.." I do not understand this..
perfect? Where is that boy? Billy!
Genres: ["Adventure","Mystery","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Omar enters the temple and delivers water to Professor Pacoli and Billy Masterson, who are studying ancient hieroglyphs. The Professor discovers a prophecy about an impending evil, while Billy finds a machine pistol and part of a spaceship. The Priest poisons the water supply and Aziz's falling asleep causes a mirror to fall. The team faces threats from the impending evil, the poisoned water, and the unknown forces represented by the spaceship.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mysterious atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more concise
  • Aziz falling asleep feels slightly out of place
Critique
  • The scene sets up an intriguing premise with the deciphering of ancient hieroglyphs and the discovery of a prophecy about impending evil.
  • There is a good use of visual elements to create a mysterious and ancient atmosphere in the temple.
  • The interaction between the characters, especially the Professor and Billy, adds depth to the scene.
  • The introduction of the Priest adds an element of tension and mystery to the scene.
  • The scene effectively builds suspense with the mention of a battle plan against evil and the revelation of the five elements.
  • The use of light and shadows to create mood and atmosphere is well done.
  • The scene effectively foreshadows future events and sets up the conflict to come.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more dialogue to further develop the characters and their relationships.
  • Provide more context or background information about the prophecy and the significance of the five elements to enhance the audience's understanding.
  • Explore the emotional reactions of the characters to the prophecy and the impending evil to add depth to the scene.
  • Consider adding more visual cues or symbolism to enhance the themes of good vs. evil and the battle against darkness.
  • Ensure a smooth transition between the different elements of the scene to maintain the flow and coherence of the storytelling.



Scene 3 - Chaos in the Temple
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. TUNNEL - DAY

Billy presses himself against the wall, in the shadows,
terrified, but sketching away like mad, as large shadowed
figures lumber past him. He begins to blink, feeling the
effects of the Priest's potion..
5.

INT. TEMPLE ROOM - DAY

The Professor reads the wall.

PROFESSOR
And this divine Light they talk
about.. what is Divine light?

At that moment, the reflection from Aziz's mirror drops again.
The light fails.

PROFESSOR
(without turning)
Aziz light!

The room is flooded with light all of the sudden.

PROFESSOR
Better.. this is the most unbelievable
thing I have ever seen..

The Professor turns around, and is stunned speechless to
find himself face to face with two MONDOSHAWANS. A dozen
others fill the hall manning the source of the light, large
luminous globes. Aziz is fast asleep.

PROFESSOR
(uncomprehending)
...Uh, yes?

The Professor is lifted up and carried off to the side by
the aliens. The KOMMANDER stops in front of the Priest who
is still on his knees, face to the ground.

PRIEST
Master... He was about to discover
everything, but I had the situation
under control.

The two MONDOSHAWAN GUARDS hold the professor three feet off
the ground.

PROFESSOR
(in a panic)
Who are you? Are you Germans?
Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

INT. TUNNEL

Billy staggers forward, a machine pistol in his hand.

INT. TEMPLE ROOM

The KOMMANDER holds out his hand to the Priest.

PRIEST
What did I do wrong?
6.

The Priest jumps to his feet excitedly.

KOMMANDER
Servant, you and the thousand guards
before you... You have done your
work well, but we have to recover
the elements. War will soon engulf
your planet. We must keep them safe.

The Kommander goes over to the wall and seems to be looking
for a lock. He finds it and slides in his metallic finger
which is more intricate than a key to a safe. He turns his
hand, activating a mechanism that opens the wall.

PROFESSOR
Unbelievable!!!

The Kommander turns around and crooks a finger. One of the
MONDOSHAWANS waves his hand, puts the professor to sleep and
heads down the hallway revealed by the opening. He is
followed by his men. The Priest slips in behind them.

INT. ROOM 2 - TEMPLE - DAY

The Kommander steps into a vast room. The ceiling is very
high, pyramid-shaped. In each corner of the room, four
vessels contain four rectangular twelve-inch stones-, the
four elements. In the middle, an opaque sarcophagus rests
on an altar. The Kommander stops and contemplates it a
moment.

PRIEST
(to himself)
The Fifth Element...

KOMMANDER
Take them and put them in a safe
place.

His men carry out his order.

INT. ROOM 1 - TEMPLE - DAY

Billy staggers across the floor, struggling to stay awake.

INT. ROOM 2 - TEMPLE - DAY

The Kommander opens a case. His men come and put the four,
precious stones in it, one by one.

PRIEST
(moved)
Will the elements be gone now forever
from this place?

KOMMANDER
When mankind comes to its senses.
7.

KOMMANDER
We will return.

PRIEST
Knowing mankind as I do, that could
take centuries!

KOMMANDER
Time is of no importance, only life
is important.

The Priest nods and lowers his eyes.

Angle on: Billy staggering forward, raising his pistol,
blinking his eyes to focus..

A MONDOSHAWAN puts the fourth element in the case The
Kommander shuts the case and looks at the Priest.

KOMMANDER
When EVIL returns so shall we.

PRIEST
(head lowered)
We will be ready, Lord.

Billy suddenly staggers into the room, brandishing his gun.

BILLY
Stop.

Billy trips, the gun goes off. He empties the clip. The
Mondoshawan carrying the case crumples to the ground. The
wall immediately begins to close. Billy fires wildly, unable
to control the powerful kicking gun.

PRIEST
No!!! Don't!!!

The Priest rushes Billy. The weapon has such a kick to it
that Billy starts shooting into the air, backs up, then
stumbles and knocks himself out. The Priest is on the ground,
seriously wounded. So is the Kommander. The WARRIORS are
in a panic.

CLERK
Hurry, Kommander! The wall's
closing!!!

The wall continues to close. Sand pours in from everywhere.
The vast room fills up like an hourglass.

KOMMANDER
A mission is a mission, Savoia.
You'll learn that.
8.

The Kommander picks up the case and reaches the wall but
can't get through it. His armor is too bulky, the opening
too small. He manages to get his arm and the case through.

KOMMANDER
My apologies to General Kroi -- and
my wife..

The wall closes, crushing his arm. The CLERK scoops up the
case and runs through the huge piles of sand.

EXT. COLONNADE - DAY

The CLERK boards the ship carrying the case. Omar hides in
a corner, frightened to death, hugging Billy's bag of
drawings.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary While Billy sketches in the shadows, the Professor questions the nature of divine light within the temple. Aziz's mirror reflects again, revealing Mondoshawans who kidnap the Professor and pursue the elemental stones. The Kommander and Priest retrieve the stones, but Billy intervenes and wounds them. The wall closes, crushing the Kommander and separating Billy from the aliens. The Clerk escapes with the elemental stones, leaving Omar with Billy's drawings.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex characters
Weaknesses
  • Some confusion in the action sequences
  • Slightly rushed pacing in the climax
Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Billy sketching in the shadows to the Professor reading the wall without a clear connection or flow between the two moments.
  • The dialogue between the Professor and the Priest feels disjointed and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the characters and their interactions.
  • The introduction of the Mondoshawans and the Kommander feels rushed and lacks proper build-up, diminishing the impact of their presence in the scene.
  • The action sequences involving Billy firing the machine pistol and the subsequent chaos with the closing wall and sand pouring in are chaotic and confusing, making it hard to follow the events unfolding.
  • The resolution of the scene, with the Clerk retrieving the case and the Kommander getting his arm crushed by the closing wall, feels anticlimactic and lacks emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a smoother transition between different moments and characters, allowing for a more coherent narrative flow.
  • Develop the dialogue between the characters to add depth and complexity to their interactions, making the audience more invested in their relationships and motivations.
  • Build up the introduction of the Mondoshawans and the Kommander to create a sense of anticipation and mystery around their presence in the temple.
  • Clarify the action sequences to ensure they are clear and engaging, with a focus on maintaining the audience's understanding of the events unfolding.
  • Enhance the resolution of the scene by adding emotional weight and significance to the events, creating a more impactful conclusion to this part of the story.



Scene 4 - Cosmic Encounters
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. TEMPLE ROOM - DAY

The room fills with sand. The Priest's body is soon buried.

EXT. DESERT - DAY

The huge ship's main hatch closes.

EXT. TEMPLE - DAY

The ship lifts off and speeds away. Omar emerges from the
temple gaping at the ship as it vanishes in the sky.

EXT. PYRAMIDS

A gigantic shooting star flashes above the pyramids.

EXT. EARTH ORBIT

The ship passes in front of us and heads for the stars
disappearing at unbelievable speed. The background is a
star-spattered cosmos.

WRITTEN: 500 YEARS LATER

Another, more modern, spaceship, fills the screen. A warship
belonging to the Federal Army.

INT. SPACESHIP - CONTROL ROOM

CU of a digital control screen. Three planets projecting
three straight lines that crisscross at one point. Identical
to the one observed by the professor on the temple wall.
GENERAL STAEDERT looks out through the ship's window at one
of the three huge planets in eclipse.

STAEDERT
Don't you have anything? Not even a
temperature?
9.

CAPTAIN
The thermo-analyzers have jammed.
One of them reads over a million
degrees, the other's at minus 5000...
Never seen anything like it.

TECHNICIAN
It's taking shape.

EXT. SPACE

In the middle of the shadows, a door to the nightmare has
just opened. Evil is back. A round, moving mass, continually
changing color.

CAPTAIN
(in awe)
What the hell can it be?

TECHNICIAN
Hook-up with the president in one
minute, General.

General Staedert remains calm.

STAEDERT
...Send out a probe.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE MANHATTAN

LINDBERG, 50, the president of the United Federations, his
features lined and worn by various delegations, mainly
military, enters his office. There's a crisis in the air.
The President's AIDE leans down to his ear.

AIDE
On air in 30 seconds.

In the middle of the group is a Priest whose appearance
reminds us of Egypt. A younger man DAVID, 18, shy, a priest-
in-training attends the old man.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Adventure","Fantasy"]

Summary The scene opens with a buried Priest in a Temple Room as a spaceship takes off. 500 years later, another spaceship encounters a mysterious mass in space, prompting concern. Meanwhile, President Lindberg prepares for a broadcast in Manhattan.
Strengths
  • Engaging concept
  • Seamless transition between settings
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Some characters could be further developed
  • Dialogue could be more dynamic
Critique
  • The transition from the burial of the Priest's body to the spaceship closing its main hatch is abrupt and lacks a smooth connection.
  • The scene lacks a clear transition or explanation of the 500-year time jump, leaving the audience confused about the sudden shift in time.
  • The introduction of the modern spaceship and General Staedert observing the three planets in eclipse feels disconnected from the previous events in the temple, making it difficult for the audience to follow the narrative flow.
  • The dialogue between General Staedert and his crew lacks depth and emotion, failing to engage the audience in the impending crisis.
  • The sudden appearance of the round, moving mass in space as a representation of evil feels cliched and lacks originality.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the burial of the Priest's body and the spaceship closing its main hatch to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Provide more context or visual cues to indicate the 500-year time jump, such as showing changes in the environment or technology to help the audience understand the passage of time.
  • Integrate the introduction of the modern spaceship and General Staedert's observations with the events in the temple more cohesively to maintain the narrative continuity.
  • Enhance the dialogue between General Staedert and his crew by adding more tension, urgency, and emotional depth to create a sense of impending danger and engage the audience.
  • Reconsider the representation of evil as a round, moving mass in space to make it more unique and impactful, avoiding cliches and predictable imagery.



Scene 5 - Planet X: Attack or Study?
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. CONTROL ROOM / PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

CAPTAIN
President on line sir..

General Staedert leans over his screen and seems surprised
to see the room but not the president.

PRESIDENT (O.S.)
Staedert, do you read me?

STAEDERT
I can hear you, Mr. President, but I
can't see you .
10.

The President grabs the mini-camera on his desk and yanks it
around to face him.

His face fills the screen.

PRESIDENT
(exasperated)
Is that better?

STAEDERT
Perfect, Mr. President.

PRESIDENT
I have to address the Supreme Council
in 10 minutes. Just the facts,
General.

STAEDERT
There are no results from the chemical
and molecular analysis as of yet,
all the calibers are overshot..we're
hoping a thermo nucleatic imaging...

PRESIDENT
(exasperated)
What you are saying is you don't
know what this..thing..is.

Consternation reigns in the President's office.

STAEDERT
Not yet Sir..The only thing we know
is it just keeps getting bigger!

PRESIDENT
Options.

STAEDERT
Wait or act.

PRESIDENT
Recommendations.

STAEDERT
My philosophy Mr. President is shoot
first ask questions later. I don't
like uninvited guests.

PRESIDENT
Gentlemen?

HEAD CHEMISTS
I think it would be foolish to shoot
at an organism that seems alive,
without first taking the time to
study it more! Besides, it has shown
no signs of hostility.
11.

PRESIDENT
(worried)
No... it's just getting bigger.

HEAD CHEMISTS
So do people, but that's no reason
to shoot them.

PRESIDENT
(exasperated)
The security of the Federated
Territories is and remains number
one priority.
(to the military)
I suppose General Staedert's
"philosophy" is acceptable to you?

All the Generals nod "yes"

PRESIDENT
All right, then! Staedert?

PRIEST (O.S.)
Mr. President?

The President scans the room. Staedert remote controls the
camera toward the room.

PRESIDENT
...Yes?

The camera moves up the Priest and we finally discover his
face. He is in his sixties, a shrewd look in his eyes.

Around his neck hangs the Kommander's finger, the key to the
temple.

PRIEST
Cornelius, Vito Cornelius. 50th level
parish. I have a different theory
to offer you, Mr. President.

PRESIDENT
I'm listening.

CORNELIUS
Imagine for a moment that this thing
is not anything that can be identified
because it prefers not to be, because
it is the antithesis of all we are.
Because it is evil.. TOTAL EVIL.

PRESIDENT
(a little sarcastically)
One more reason to shoot first eh?

All the Generals nod in agreement.
12.

CORNELIUS
Evil begets evil, Mr. President.
Shooting would only make it stronger.

INT. SPACESHIP

TECHNICIAN
The probe will attain its objective
in five seconds.

Staedert moves closer to the ship's window.

EXT. SPACE.

Evil swallows the probe and immediately bubbles over with
activity like a furious volcano.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

STAEDERT
Mr. President, we're at crisis point.

The President looks puzzled.

PRESIDENT
Your theory is interesting Father
but I don't think we have time to go
into it right now!

CORNELIUS
Time is of no importance, Mr.
President. Only life is important.

PRESIDENT
(exasperated)
That's exactly what we are going to
try and do: Protect the lives of
some 200 billion of our fellow
citizens! General? You may fire
when ready.

INT. SPACESHIP

STAEDERT
(cold) (to the CAPTAIN)
..Up front loading of a 120 ZZR
missile.

Marker lights on the objective.

EXT. OUTSIDE SPACESHIP

All of a sudden, outside the ship, the strange planet's
activity ceases. A black crust immediately covers it.
13.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Thriller"]

Summary President debates options for dealing with enigmatic, rapidly growing planet. Despite scientific advice for caution, President initially favors military strike. However, a priest's warning about evil nature of the planet gives him pause. As ship prepares to fire, planet abruptly goes dormant, leaving President and his advisors uncertain about next steps.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Conflict exploration
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Character development potential
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the gravity of the situation. The dialogue between the President and General Staedert feels somewhat casual and lacks the intensity expected in a crisis scenario.
  • The character interactions and reactions seem somewhat flat and one-dimensional, especially when discussing the potential threat posed by the mysterious planet. There is a lack of depth in the characters' responses to the impending danger.
  • The transition between the President's office and the spaceship feels disjointed and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue between the President and the Priest, Cornelius, lacks the necessary gravitas and depth needed for a scene discussing the concept of total evil. The dialogue could be more impactful and thought-provoking.
  • The decision-making process regarding whether to attack the planet or not feels rushed and lacks a thorough exploration of the consequences, especially considering the Priest's alternative theory.
Suggestions
  • Introduce more tension and urgency in the dialogue and character interactions to convey the seriousness of the situation. This can be achieved through heightened emotions, more impactful dialogue, and a sense of impending doom.
  • Develop the characters' responses to the crisis in a more nuanced way, showcasing their conflicting beliefs and motivations. This will add depth to the scene and make the characters more engaging.
  • Smooth out the transition between different settings to maintain the coherence of the scene. Consider using visual cues or sound effects to enhance the transition.
  • Revise the dialogue between the President and Cornelius to make it more profound and thought-provoking. Explore the themes of good and evil in a more meaningful way to add depth to the scene.
  • Expand on the decision-making process regarding whether to attack the planet or not. Delve deeper into the consequences of each choice and the moral implications involved, especially in light of the Priest's alternative theory.



Scene 6 - Attack on the Intelligent Planet
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

SCIENTIST
(consulting new data)
Its structure has just solidified on
the surface, as if the object felt
something. If that's the case, we
are undoubtedly dealing with an
intelligence.

CORNELIUS
The most terrible intelligence
imaginable, Mr. President.

The President hesitates.

CAPTAIN
...The ship is in combat formation.
The missile is loaded, General.

PRESIDENT
(uneasy)
Staedert? Give me a minute...
I have a doubt.

STAEDERT
(cold)
I don't, Mr. President.

EXT. OUTSIDE SPACESHIP

The missile explodes from the ship and penetrates its target.
The explosion is swallowed like a fizzy pill in a small glass
of water. Nothing happens. And then the mass grows larger.

INT. CONTROL ROOM / PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

Staedert looks worried.

STAEDERT
Load a series of 740 missiles. Maximum
shield protection.

CAPTAIN
Yes, Sir.

The President is growing ever more worried.

PRESIDENT
Staedert? What's going on? Did you
destroy it?

STAEDERT
I'm about to, Mr. President.
14.

EXT. SPACESHIP

A series of three missiles heads for the planet, which absorbs
them all. And literally doubles in size.

SCIENTIST
The planet's diameter has greatly
increased and it's moving toward the
ship.

PRESIDENT
Staedert? Get out of there
immediately! I don't want an
incident, do you hear me, Staedert?

STAEDERT
(worried)
...What do we have that's bigger
than 240?

CAPTAIN
Nothing, General.

PRESIDENT
Staedert, get out of there! That's
an order!

A bead of sweat pearls Staedert's forehead. He is about to
give an order when a gigantic flame emerges from the planet
and literally swallows Staedert's spaceship.

STAEDERT
(eyes wide)
... Good God!

The flame fills the screen with a horrendous NOISE that....
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Drama"]

Summary The planet has solidified and is exhibiting signs of intelligence. The President hesitates to attack, but General Staedert insists. A missile is fired and explodes on the planet, but it grows larger instead of being destroyed. Staedert orders a series of missiles to be fired, but they are all absorbed by the planet, which continues to grow. The President orders Staedert to retreat, but it's too late. A giant flame erupts from the planet and engulfs Staedert's spaceship.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Well-developed characters
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable outcome
  • Some cliched elements
Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the characters' motivations and the overall stakes involved. It's not clear why the President hesitates and what his doubt is about, which makes it difficult for the audience to fully understand the tension in the scene.
  • The dialogue between the characters feels a bit generic and could be more specific to each character's personality and background. Adding more depth to the dialogue would enhance the scene and make it more engaging.
  • The action sequences, such as the missile exploding and the planet absorbing the missiles, could be described in more vivid detail to create a stronger visual impact for the audience.
  • The transition between the spaceship exterior and the control room/president's office could be smoother to improve the flow of the scene and make it easier for the audience to follow the action.
  • The climax of the scene, where Staedert's spaceship is engulfed by a giant flame, lacks a clear resolution or consequence. It would be beneficial to provide more context or aftermath to this event to give the scene a stronger sense of closure.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the President's doubt and hesitation to make his decision-making process more engaging and relatable to the audience.
  • Enhance the dialogue to better reflect each character's personality and background, adding depth and authenticity to their interactions.
  • Provide more detailed descriptions of the action sequences to create a more immersive visual experience for the audience.
  • Improve the transitions between different locations within the scene to ensure a smooth and coherent flow of events.
  • Consider adding a clearer resolution or consequence to the climax of the scene to give it a more impactful and satisfying conclusion.



Scene 7 - Morning Routine and Impending Doom
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. APARTMENT

... wakes up a man trying to escape from a nightmare. KORBEN
DALLAS rubs his head. Thirty five years old, short hair,
powerfully built, unquestionable charm, good looking in spite
of the scars here and there. The alarm clock is still
ringing, it shows the date as March 18, 2359. It in two in
the morning. Ha grabs a cigarette, and stops to look for a
light. He shuts oft the alarm. He hears a cat mewing in
the hall. But it still rings. Korben takes a moment and
then realizes it in the phone that is ringing.

KORBEN
(to the cat)
I'm coming.

He grabs the phone and crosses his tiny apartment (27 feet
long by 6 feet wide) heading for the door, patting himself
for a light. Behind him, the bed makes itself automatically.
15.

KORBEN
(on the phone)
Yeah?

FINGER (V.O.)
Hey bud! Finger here.

He opens the door for the cat and starts to rummage through
a drawer for a match. Out come a handful of war decorations,
a hero's collection.

KORBEN
(to the cat)
Hi sweetie!

...A Medal of Honor Certificate to Major Dallas

FINGER (V.O.)
I love you too Major, but you haven't
called me that since basic training.

KORBEN
I was talking to the cat.

FINGER (V.O.)
Oh, yeah, I forgot.You still prefer
your cat to the real thing.

...A picture of Korben and his ex-wife on their wedding day.

KORBEN
At least, the cat comes back.

FINGER (V.O.)
(ironical)
You still pining for that two timing
bitch. Forget her. There are a
million women out there.

KORBEN
I don't want a million - I just want
one. A perfect one.

FINGER (V.O.)
Don't exist bud.

...A picture of Korben and Finger in uniform next to a space
fighter.

KORBEN
I just found a picture of you.

FINGER (V.O.)
How do I look?

KORBEN
Like shit.
16.

Korben finds a box of matches with three matches. He strikes
one. It does not light. Korben opens the fridge, bare, except
for an empty can of GEMINI croquettes.

On the packet is an ad:
WIN A DREAM TRIP FOR 2 TO FHLOSTON PARADISE.

FINGER (V.O.)
Must be an old picture.. Listen, you
gotta bring me your hack for the 6
month overhaul. A.S.A.P.

Korben heats up some brackish water.

KORBEN
(sighs)
I don't need one.

FINGER (V.O.)
You forgetting who sat next to you
for a thousand missions.
I know how you drive.

KORBEN
Finger! I'm driving a cab now, not
a space fighter!!

FINGER (V.O.)
How many points you got left on your
license?

KORBEN
(lying)
Uh... at least fifty.

FINGER (V.O.)
In your dreams! See you tonight!

Finger has hang up. Korben sighs and does the same. He
gets the heated brackish water and sits down. The cat pounces
on the table and meows for its food. Korben pours half the
coffee in the cat's cup.

The cat meows. Korben taps his cup to the cat's saucer.

KORBEN
Cheers!

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

The office is emptied, only a few army officers remain. An
ancient manuscript, Billy's drawings, sits in front of the
President. Cornelius turns page after page, illustrating
his point.
17.

CORNELIUS
(to the President)
We have forty-eight hours, the time
it needs to adapt itself to our living
conditions.

PRESIDENT
(worried)
And then?

CORNELIUS
And then it will be too late. The
goal of evil is to wipe out life!
All forms of life. For all
eternity...Life upsets it.

The President appears upset himself by this image.

PRESIDENT
Is there anything that can stop it?

CORNELIUS
(knowing)
Yes..thank God..

EXT. SPACE

The Mondoshawan spaceship bursts through a star cluster and
fills the screen.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Drama"]

Summary Korben awakens from a nightmare and prepares for his day. In the President's office, Cornelius alerts him to an impending threat with a 48-hour deadline, fostering a mix of humor, suspense, and foreboding.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • High stakes and conflict
  • Blend of science fiction and ancient mythology
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this scene
  • Some dialogue may be exposition-heavy
Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong visual of Korben waking up from a nightmare, which sets a mysterious and intriguing tone.
  • The dialogue between Korben and Finger provides insight into Korben's past and relationships, adding depth to his character.
  • The use of war decorations and personal items in the scene helps to establish Korben's background and personality.
  • The interaction between Korben and the cat adds a touch of humor and humanity to the scene.
  • The transition to the President's office introduces a new plot point and raises the stakes for the impending danger.
  • The dialogue between Cornelius and the President effectively conveys the urgency and seriousness of the situation.
  • The mention of the Mondoshawan spaceship at the end creates a sense of anticipation and sets up the next part of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and setting of the scene.
  • Work on tightening the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful.
  • Explore ways to further develop Korben's character and motivations through his actions and interactions.
  • Ensure a smooth transition between different locations and characters to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • Consider building more tension and suspense as the scene progresses to keep the audience engaged.
  • Clarify the connection between Korben's storyline and the impending danger introduced in the President's office for a seamless transition.



Scene 8 - The President's Decision
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

The manuscript is open on the President's desk..

CLOSE ON: Billy's rendering of the Mondoshawan.

CORNELIUS
(to the President)
The Mondoshawans don't belong to the
Federated Territories, but they are
peaceful... in their possession are
the four elements of life. These
elements when they are gathered around
a fifth: The Supreme Being, ultimate
warrior, created to protect life......

The SUPREME BEING is standing, as if frozen in armor. All
we see is the bottom half of his body. Big metallic gloves
hold the case engraved with the emblem of the three suns
containing the four Sacred Stones.

CORNELIUS
..will produce what the ancients
called the light of creation, the
light of total goodness which is the
only thing that can defeat EVIL.
18.

The President points to the spot occupied by the 5th element.

PRESIDENT
But what happens if instead of this...
Ultimate Warrior... it is EVIL who
stands here?

CORNELIUS
White turns to black. Light to Dark.
Life to Death. For all eternity.

The President's nerves quiver.

CAPTAIN
Sir, we have a Mondoshawan spaceship
at the frontier requesting permission
to enter our territory.

PRESIDENT
I guess I should make a decision..

CORNELIUS
They are the only ones who can help..

GENERAL
Sir..the Mondoshawan do not belong
to the federation. We do not know
their intention.. I must recommend
a full trinuclear assault..

PRESIDENT
(yells)
Did you see that..thing..swallow our
battleship like a gum drop? You
can't even tell me what it is!
I ask you for options you give me
bullshit. Give them permission to
enter our territories with my warmest
regards.

CORNELIUS
(relieved)
Thank you, Mr. President.

EXT. SPACE / INT. MONDOSHAWAN SHIP

The MONDOSHAWAN spaceship zips across the Federated Galaxy.

But it is not alone: Two black warships seem to be dogging
it.

INT. MONDOSHAWAN COCKPIT

The MONDOSHAWANS have spotted the spacecraft chasing them.

FIRST OFFICER
Two non-identified ships approaching.
19.

CAPTAIN
Must be the welcoming committee.

INT. WARSHIP COCKPIT

A MANGALORE sits at the controls of the warship. His
terrifying features tell us what sort of welcome they can
expect. The pilot fires without warning.

EXT. SPACE / INT. MONDOSHAWAN SHIP

The huge ship is badly hit and immediately swerves oft course.

Panic aboard the MONDOSHAWAN ship.

INT. MONDOSHAWAN SHIP

CAPTAIN
We've been hit! General alert!!!

Blast after blast hits the defenseless ship.

CAPTAIN
We're losing control! We have to
land fast!

The huge ship veers oft course and heads for a small red
planet, taking hit after hit.

CAPTAIN
Send out a distress signal!!! Activate
the emergency landing procedure!

The huge ship approaches the planet at blinding speed.

FIRST OFFICER
Impact in less than ten seconds!

The red planet looms ever closer.

CAPTAIN
Time is of no importance...

The ship crashes in a gigantic explosion.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary President reviews the manuscript on his desk and Cornelius explains the significance of the four elements and the supreme being and their ability to defeat evil. The President questions what happens if evil occupies the space of the supreme being and Cornelius explains the consequences. The President has to decide whether to allow the Mondoshawan ship to enter after hearing about the ship approaching. The Mondoshawan ship being pursued by two black warships, is ultimately attacked and crash lands on a nearby planet.
Strengths
  • Engaging concept of the four elements and the Supreme Being
  • Tense and dramatic tone
  • High-stakes conflict between good and evil
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this scene
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
Critique
  • The scene introduces the concept of the Mondoshawans possessing the four elements of life and the Supreme Being, which is crucial for defeating evil. However, the dialogue could be more engaging and dynamic to create a sense of urgency and importance.
  • The conflict between the President, General, and Cornelius regarding the Mondoshawan spaceship and the potential trinuclear assault could be further developed to increase tension and suspense.
  • The transition from the President's decision to allow the Mondoshawan ship to enter to the attack by the black warships feels abrupt and could benefit from smoother pacing and buildup.
  • The action sequence of the Mondoshawan ship being attacked and crashing on the red planet is exciting, but the impact could be heightened with more vivid descriptions and sensory details.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with the ship crashing, leaving the reader eager to know what happens next. However, the emotional impact of this moment could be enhanced with deeper character reactions and internal thoughts.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth to the dialogue between the characters to convey the gravity of the situation and the stakes involved.
  • Build up the conflict between the President, General, and Cornelius to create a more intense and suspenseful atmosphere.
  • Smooth out the transition between the President's decision and the attack on the Mondoshawan ship to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Enhance the action sequence of the ship crashing by incorporating vivid descriptions and sensory details to immerse the reader in the moment.
  • Deepen the emotional impact of the cliffhanger ending by delving into the characters' reactions and internal thoughts to create a more engaging and compelling conclusion.



Scene 9 - Korben's Encounter and Presidential Crisis
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. KORBEN'S APARTMENT - DAY

A thermo nuclear explosion fills a T.V. screen..Which Korben's
cat watches with interest.

Korben is about to exit the apartment.

KORBEN
Don't watch it all day, it'll rot
your mind. Bye sweetie..
20.

In response, the cat meows. Korben opens the door to..A
huge gun, brandished by a nervous MUGGER, pointing right in
his face.

MUGGER
The cash man!

KORBEN
Been here long?

MUGGER
Don't fuck with me man or I'll blow
you into tomorrow!

Unperterbed, Korben looks at the mugger's fearsome weapon.

KORBEN
Isn't that a Z140? Alleviated
titanium. Neuro charged assault
model?

MUGGER
(off balance)
Uh..

KORBEN
You know you could hurt someone with
this puppy..good thing it's not
loaded..

The mugger is lost. He looks at his weapon.

MUGGER
It's not?

KORBEN
You gotta push the little yellow
button...

Korben points to the button on the side of the gun. The
mugger takes his advice.

MUGGER
Thanks..

KORBEN
You're welcome..

And with lightning speed, Korben blasts the mugger with a
straight right hand, sending him down for the count. Korben
retrieves the gun.

KORBEN
..you know these things are VERY
illegal.. you could get in a shit
load of trouble.. I better hang
onto it for you..
21.

As the mugger clears his head, Korben opens a drawer next to
him which is full of similar guns! The mugger's eyes pop out
of his head. He scampers to his feet and runs off.

Korben shrugs, exits his apartment, and closes the door.
The cat watches a nuclear holocaust on T.V., uninterrupted.

INT. KORBEN'S GARAGE - DAY

Korben enters his taxi. A robotic voice greets him.

VOICE
Please enter your license..

Korben complies, and starts to push a series of buttons on
the dash.

VOICE
Welcome on board Mr. Dallas..

KORBEN
How you doing this morning? Sleep
OK? I didn't.

Korben hits a button. The garage door starts to open.

VOICE
Fuel level 6.03..Propulsion 2x4...

KORBEN
I had the worst goddamn nightmare.

VOICE
You have nine points left on your
license..

KORBEN
Thanks for reminding me..

As the garage door lifts, the Megalopolis that is New York
City in the 23rd century comes into view. Startling in it's
height, and breath.

VOICE
Have a nice day..

Korben lets the propulsion build.

KORBEN
Right..

He lets the gear slip. The taxi rockets off into the City.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

Cornelius collapses in a chair.
22.

CORNELIUS
We are lost!

GENERAL MUNRO
Mr. President, the attack was launched
by two unregistered warships.

PRESIDENT
Close all borders and declare a state
of general alert.

GENERAL MUNRO
Yes, sir.

PRESIDENT
(to another OFFICER)
Try to contact these Mondoshawans.
We owe them an explanation.

CORNELIUS
(lost, to himself)
What are we going to do?

PRESIDENT
This is government business now.
You ought to go home and get some
rest, Father.

The President motions to his guards to come and get Cornelius.

PRESIDENT
I promise to keep you informed.

A weary Cornelius leaves the room with David's help.

PRESIDENT
(to the CAPTAIN)
...Has the rescue team found any
survivors?
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Thriller"]

Summary In his apartment, Korben outwits and disarms a mugger, discovering hidden weapons. Simultaneously, in the President's office, an attack by unregistered warships triggers a state of alert, escalating tensions.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Tension-building
  • Complex conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of action sequences
Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong and engaging action sequence, but the transition from the TV screen to the mugger pointing a gun at Korben feels a bit abrupt.
  • The dialogue between Korben and the mugger is witty and adds humor to the scene, but it could be more concise to maintain the tension of the situation.
  • The revelation of the drawer full of guns adds an interesting twist, but it could be set up more effectively to create a bigger impact.
  • The interaction with the robotic voice in the taxi adds a futuristic element, but the dialogue could be more dynamic to enhance the sci-fi atmosphere.
  • The scene ends with Cornelius collapsing in the President's office, which creates a sense of urgency and sets up the next sequence well.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between the TV screen and the mugger to make it smoother and more seamless.
  • Streamline the dialogue between Korben and the mugger to maintain the tension and pace of the scene.
  • Build up the reveal of the drawer full of guns to create a more impactful moment of realization for the audience.
  • Enhance the dialogue with the robotic voice in the taxi to add more depth to the futuristic setting and Korben's character.
  • Continue the sense of urgency and suspense from Cornelius collapsing in the President's office to keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.



Scene 10 - The Engineered Cell
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. LABORATORY - 1ST DISTRICT - MANHATTAN - DAWN

An arm, on a surgical cart, moves down the hall of the
Nucleological Center, the most sterile of environments.

PROFESSOR MACTILBURGH, age 60, hurries alongside GENERAL
MUNRO.

MUNRO
This is all that survived?

MACTILBURGH
Actually only one cell survived..

MUNRO
Have you identified it?
23.

MACTILBURGH
It's not that easy..we've never
encountered anything like it
before..you see normal human beings
have 40 DNA memo groums..which is
more than enough for any species to
perpetuate itself... This one has
200,000.

MUNRO
Talk English Doc.

MACTILBURGH
This cell is like a huge library. It
has infinite genetic knowledge stored
inside. Almost like it
was...engineered.

MUNRO
Sounds like a freak of nature to me.

MACTILBURGH
Yes... I can't wait to meet him.

They pass into the lab.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Thriller"]

Summary Professor MacTilburgh reveals to General Munro that the sole intact cell from the crash site exhibits a remarkable number of DNA memo groups, indicating possible genetic engineering. MacTilburgh expresses enthusiasm about investigating further.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept of genetic discovery
  • Establishment of high stakes and conflict
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Dialogue could be more dynamic
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension given the gravity of the situation being discussed. The dialogue between Professor Mactilburgh and General Munro feels somewhat flat and lacks emotional depth.
  • The exposition about the surviving cell with extraordinary genetic knowledge is intriguing but could be delivered in a more engaging and dynamic manner to captivate the audience.
  • The interaction between the characters could be more nuanced to reveal their personalities and motivations, adding depth to the scene.
  • The setting of the Nucleological Center could be described in more detail to create a vivid and immersive environment for the audience.
  • The dialogue could benefit from more natural and realistic exchanges to enhance the authenticity of the characters' interactions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more tension and urgency to the scene by emphasizing the significance of the surviving cell and its implications.
  • Explore ways to make the dialogue more engaging and dynamic, possibly by incorporating subtext or conflicting emotions between the characters.
  • Enhance the setting description to create a more vivid and immersive environment that complements the gravity of the situation being discussed.
  • Focus on character development through their interactions and dialogue to make them more relatable and compelling to the audience.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to make it more natural and realistic, ensuring that it effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters.



Scene 11 - The Creation and Escape of the Supreme Being
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. LABORATORY

The two enter a cylindrical laboratory. There is a huge
glass turbine in the middle with the metal glove inside. A
DNA chain scrolls on the computer screen.

MACTILBURGH
(rather fascinated)
The compositional elements of his
DNA chain are the same as ours, there
are simply more of them tightly
packed. His knowledge is probably
limitless..

MUNRO
(worried)
Is there any danger? Some kind of
virus?

MACTILBURGH
We put it through the cellular hygiene
detector. The cell is for lack of a
better word... perfect.

Munro hesitates a moment. Then he sighs and uses his personal
key to open the self-destruct box.

MUNRO
OK, go ahead! But Mr. Perfect better
be polite... otherwise I turn him
into cat food.
24.

Mactilburgh starts the operation rolling as Munro puts his
hand on the sell-destruct button, ready to use it. Thousands
of cells form in the heart of the generator, an assemblage
of DNA elements. Then the cells move down a tube, like a
fluid, and gather in an imprint of a HUMAN body. Step by
step bones are reconstructed, then the nervous and muscular
systems. Whole veins wrap around the muscles. An entire
body is reconstructing before our very eyes.

DOCTOR
Three seconds to ultra-violet
protection.

A shield comes over the reconstructing body and makes it
invisible.

MACTILBURGH
(to Munro)
...This is the crucial phase, The
reconstruction of pigment. Cells are
bombarded with slightly greasy solar
atoms which forces the body cells to
react, to protect themselves. That
means growing skin. Clever, eh?

MUNRO
(disgusted)
Wonderful!

The meter slows, drops to zero.

ASSISTANT
... End of reconstruction, beginning
of reanimation .

A whoosh of air in the glass chamber. Captain Munro has his
hand on the self-destruct button, ready to destroy the being
that has barely been reborn.

MACTILBURGH
(pushing a button)
Activate life support system.

An electrical discharge fills the glass chamber causing the
body inside to jerk.

After a few moments of silence, the SOUND of a heartbeat
fills the room over the loudspeaker.

ASSISTANT
Life support system activated.

The Supreme Being is alive once again.

MACTILBURGH
Remove the shield.
25.

The ASSISTANT automatically removes the ultra-violet shield
which slowly reveals... a woman... nude... young... and very
beautiful. Munro stands there gaping. Not quite his vision
of the Supreme Being. Mactilburgh glances at Munro and gently
pushes his hand away from the self-destruct button.

MACTILBURGH
(with a smile)
I told you ... perfect!

Munro is hypnotized by the GIRL's beauty.

MUNRO
...I'd, uh , like to get a few
pictures for the archives before she
wakes up.

Mactilburgh looks at him with a grin. A remote-control camera
approaches the girl's face, a flash goes off. Blinded by
the flash, the girl jumps and screams. She cowers in a
corner, shaking from the cold, darting eyes everywhere looking
for the case she was holding.

GIRL
(very angry)
Ouacra cocha o dayodomo binay ouacra
mo cocha ferji akba ligounai makta
keratapla. Tokemata tokemata! Seno
santonoi-aypa! Minoi ay Cheba!
Givomana seno!

MUNRO
(worried)
What's she saying?

MACTILBURGH
(to his ASSISTANT)
Activate the phonic detector.

The girl kicks the window repeatedly.

MACTILBURGH
And give her a light sedative...
and something to wear!

The ASSISTANT hits a button. A pile of clothes drops out of
a trapdoor in the ceiling. She snatches up the clothes
angrily and dresses quickly. Munro draws closer to the glass
window. He watches her dress with undisguised pleasure.

MUNRO
(to Mactilburgh)
This thing solid?

MACTILBURGH
(smiling)
An elephant couldn't crack it.
26.

The Girl finishes dressing.

GIRL
(angrily)
Teno akta chataman assin-omekta!

Munro smiles safely behind his plate glass window.

MUNRO
(with a smile)
You're gonna have to learn to
communicate better than that angel
if you want out.

Munro dangles the key on a chain that will let her out. The
girl rams her fist right through the window. She grabs the
key and yanks it. The chain snaps tight and Munro slams
into the window knocking himself out. The girl puts her
hand through the window again, unlocks the chamber and steps
out. She is still bit wobbly on her legs. Two GUARDS try
to grab her. She sends them flying across the room.
Mactilburgh is most impressed. He sets off a general alarm.

INT. CORRIDOR LABORATORY

The girl runs through a maze of corridors looking for a way
out. A squad of SECURITY GUARDS appear in front of her and
open fire without warning. The girl takes a leap, grabs an
air vent, kicks it out and dives into the air shaft. The
COPS try and jump up to the vent, but none can reach it.

CHIEF
Get me a chair or a stepladder The
rest of you go through the main
ventilation!

INT. VENTILATION DUCT - LABORATORY

The girl moves along unable to see what's ahead of her. She
comes to a dead-end, a grill that leads outside. She pushes
it out and exits onto the ledge.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary In a cylindrical laboratory, Mactilburgh and Munro witness the reconstruction of a human body from a DNA chain into a beautiful woman. The woman reacts with hostility and flees through an air vent.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept
  • Well-developed characters
  • Tension and conflict
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable escape sequence
Critique
  • The scene introduces a fascinating concept of reconstructing a human body from a perfect cell, but the execution lacks depth and emotional connection.
  • The dialogue between Mactilburgh and Munro feels somewhat forced and lacks natural flow, especially Munro's reaction to the situation.
  • The character of the girl, who is revealed to be the Supreme Being, is intriguing but her sudden outburst and actions feel abrupt and not fully developed.
  • The transition from the girl being reconstructed to her angry outburst and escape is too quick and could benefit from more buildup and tension.
  • The interaction between Munro and the girl lacks nuance and depth, missing an opportunity to explore the complexity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Develop the emotional impact of reconstructing the human body and the implications of creating life in a lab setting.
  • Refine the dialogue between Mactilburgh and Munro to make it more engaging and realistic, focusing on Munro's reaction to the situation.
  • Provide more context and background for the girl's character to make her outburst and escape more believable and impactful.
  • Build up the tension and suspense leading to the girl's escape, allowing for a more gradual and intense reveal of her powers.
  • Enhance the interaction between Munro and the girl to explore the complexities of their dynamic and the implications of her being the Supreme Being.



Scene 12 - The Ledge
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
EXT. LEDGE - LABORATORY - DAWN

She has exited to a ledge on the 450th floor of a building,
right in the middle of Manhattan, which we discover for the
first time. The city has become monstrous.

Buildings rise 600 stories. Cars fly. Subways run
vertically...The girl edges along the narrow ledge, unfazed
by the height. The CHIEF leans out the vent, looking out
into the void.

CHIEF
(to his men)
Go on follow her!
27.

The COPS stare into the gaping void.

COP
...No way.

The CHIEF angrily pulls out his gun and shoots at the girl
who ducks around the corner of the building. Unfortunately
the other side in full of cops as well. A flying police car
zooms up in front of her, sirens blaring.

VOICE (O.S.)
This in the police. Your status is
illegal. Please put up your hands
and follow our instructions!

The girl feels trapped. She looks down into the endless 450
below and all the cars flying underneath her. Then she raises
her arms... and dives off.

INT. POLICE CAR - NIGHT

COP
(in the car.)
Christ! She dove off!

In a panic, the COP makes a wrong turn. The girl falls for
several seconds.

She lands on the roof of a flying cab.

INT. CAB - NIGHT

Korben tries to control his car, reeling from the impact.

VOICE (O.S.)
You have just had an accident.
Seven points have been temporarily
removed...

Korben manages to stop his cab, pulls over to the side.

VOICE / KORBEN
You have one point left on your
license. Have a good day.

Korben sighs and looks in the back seat to see what the
damages are. The girl, a bit dazed (who wouldn't be), emerges
from the debris and sits up. There's some blood on her face.
Korben is stunned. The girl's still alive and... so beautiful.
His heart heads for a meltdown.

GIRL
Akina delutan, nou-shan.

KORBEN
(lost)
...'Scuse me?
28.

A police car with wailing sirens halts in front of Korben.

COP
(over a loudspeaker)
You have an unauthorized passenger
in your vehicle. We are going to
arrest her. Please leave your hands
on the wheel. Thank you for your
cooperation.

KORBEN
(obeying)
Sorry, Hon, but I only got one point
left on my license and I gotta get
to the garage!

The police car presses up against the cab. Doors slide open.
Huge guns point at her.

Korben feels lousy. The girl's helpless, there are tears in
her eyes, she looks exhausted.

Korben glances at her in the rear view mirror. She's looking
all around to find something to help her communicate with
him.

HER POV: AN AD ON THE BACK OF THE SEAT. AN 800 NUMBER TO
HELP AN ORPHANAGE. A TEARY

photo of a kid over the words Please Help. She shoots to
Korben a look of pure distress.

GIRL
(irresistible)
Please... HELP...

Korben can't resist her plea.

KORBEN
Don't put me in this position... I
can't... I'm late as it is...

But he cannot say no to her eyes.

KORBEN
Finger's gonna kill me.

Korben shuts oft the meter and floors it, sideswiping the
police car as he roars away.

VOICE (O.S.)
Your license has been revoked. Would
you please....

Korben whips out a gun and shatters the loudspeaker.
29.

KORBEN
I hate when people cry... I got no
defense...

The police car takes out after him, sirens screeching. An
insane chase ensues.

INT. NEW YORK STREETS - DAY

Korben and his flying taxi are absolute masters of the air.
The cops have trouble following him but then another cop car
comes to join in the fun. Korben drives like a man possessed,
nothing can stop him. Except the dead-end he's just come up
against.

GIRL
Daya deo dono Dato. Dalutan!

KORBEN
It there's one thing I don't need
advice on, it's how to drive.

Korben turns his cab sideways and scrapes through a narrow
passageway, ripping his taxi light from the roof. The police
car smashes into the wall. The other one brakes just in
time.

COP
Shit! Attention all-patrol cars!

The car makes a U-turn, looking for a wider passageway.

EXT. NEW YORK STREET

The police car roars up, sirens screaming then slows down
and checks out a dead-end flanked by a large vertical neon
billboard. The dead-end is empty . Korben's cab is hidden
vertically behind the billboard. Seeing nothing, the police
drive away.

KORBEN
We'll wait till things quiet down a
bit. You mind?

The girl grabs his shirt collar and pulls him close, whispers
in his ear.

GIRL
(weak)
...Priest...

KORBEN
You're not that bad... Come on we'll
get you to a doctor.

The girl hands him the handle of the case, struck with the
three Egyptian suns.
30.

GIRL
(weak)
Vito... Cor... Ni-lious... Priest...

KORBEN
Vito Cornelius?

The girl nods, then faints. Korben is somewhat lost faced
with so much mystery.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary A young woman evades police pursuit by leaping from a skyscraper and landing on a flying cab driven by Korben Dallas. Despite police orders, Korben shelters the woman, who whispers "Priest" before fainting.
Strengths
  • Engaging action sequences
  • Intriguing characters
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Slightly predictable plot points
Critique
  • The scene starts with a high-stakes situation of the girl being pursued by cops on a narrow ledge 450 stories high, which creates tension and suspense. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother to provide better context for the audience.
  • The dialogue between the cops and the girl could be more impactful and emotional to enhance the connection between the characters and the audience.
  • The visual descriptions of the futuristic Manhattan setting and the flying police car add to the visual appeal of the scene, but more details could be provided to fully immerse the audience in the futuristic world.
  • The interaction between Korben and the girl is intriguing, but the emotional depth of their connection could be further explored to make their relationship more compelling.
  • The action sequence with the police chase and Korben's evasive driving skills is exciting, but the pacing could be improved to build up the tension and suspense effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transition or establishing shot to set the scene and provide context for the audience before jumping into the high-stakes chase on the ledge.
  • Enhance the emotional impact of the dialogue between the girl and the cops, as well as between Korben and the girl, to deepen the audience's connection to the characters.
  • Provide more detailed descriptions of the futuristic Manhattan setting and the flying police car to create a vivid and immersive visual experience for the audience.
  • Explore the emotional depth of the relationship between Korben and the girl to make their connection more engaging and relatable to the audience.
  • Refine the pacing of the action sequence with the police chase to build tension and suspense effectively, keeping the audience engaged throughout the scene.



Scene 13 - The Fifth Element Arrives
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. CORNELIUS' APARTMENT - DAY

The door opens. Korben is there with the unconscious girl in
his arms.

KORBEN
(embarrassed)
Excuse me, I'm looking for a priest.

CORNELIUS
(tired)
Weddings are one floor down.
Congratulations.

Cornelius closes the door. The doorbell RINGS again.

KORBEN
She's not my bride, she's my fare.
She's looking for this Vito Cornelius.
According to the phone guide he lives
here.

CORNELIUS
(curious)
That's me. But I don't know who she
is... where did you find her?

KORBEN
She dropped in on me... holding this.

Korben hands him the metal handle with the three Egyptian
suns, stamped on it.

CORNELIUS
(staggered)
The fifth element.

He faints dead away. Korben, with the girl still in his
arms looks around helpless.

KORBEN
(sighing)
Finger's gonna kill me...

INT. CORNELIUS' APARTMENT - DAY

In his armchair, Cornelius gets woken by a slap in the face.
31.

CORNELIUS
(with a start)
Who are you?

KORBEN
I brought the girl remember?

CORNELIUS
The girl?

Cornalius gets up. He looks at the handle.

KORBEN
Yeah! She dropped in on me. I mean
on my taxi... talking... this...
this bizarre language...

And then it dawns on Cornelius who the girl is.

CORNELIUS
(eyes riveted on her)
He's a she!

KORBEN
(bemused)
You noticed...

CORNELIUS
(face shining)
There's not a moment to lose! Wake
her up, but be gentle about it!
This woman is mankind's most precious
possession! She is... perfect!

KORBEN
So you do know her.

CORNELIUS
Uh yes, we're cousins..distant
cousins..

Cornelius runs into the next room. Korben looks at the girl,
goes to slap her, then changes his mind.

Her beauty troubles him. He hesitates, then, gently caresses
her cheek. Her skin seems so soft, so fragile.

KORBEN
Perfect...

INT. SMALL ROOM

David, is mending a cassock when Cornelius bursts into the
room out of breath.

CORNELIUS
It's a miracle!!!
32.

DAVID
(worried)
What is?

CORNELIUS
(babbling crazily)
I can't wear these clothes! This
calls for dignity! I have to dress
the part!

He opens a closet filled with identical robes and plunges
in, disappearing as David looks on, uncomprehending.

INT LIVING ROOM - CORNELIUS' APARTMENT

Korben gently kisses the girl's cheeks, but she doesn't
respond. He looks around then kisses her on the lips. The
girl's eyes snap open. When Korben straightens up he
discovers his own gun jammed under his chin.

GIRL
(angry)
Eto Akta Gamat!

KORBEN
(embarrassed)
I'm sorry, it's just that... I was
told to wake you up gently, so I
figured...

The girl pauses a moment. She stares at him, looks puzzled.

KORBEN
You're right, I was wrong! I
shouldn't have kissed you...
especially since we haven't been
introduced and...
(he pulls out a
business card)
Here, it's a bit late, but... my
name is Korben, Korben Dallas.
Keep it, you never know, maybe...
you'll need a cab one day. I'll be
happy to open the door this time!.

The girl hesitates, then snatches the card like a wild animal.

INT. SMALL ROOM

Cornelius is lost in the closet.

DAVID
Father, will you please explain what's
going on?
33.

CORNELIUS
The Supreme Being, the fifth element
is here, in our parish!!! It's a
miracle!!!
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary Unconscious girl, Leeloo, arrives with Korben. Cornelius, who turns out to be the girl's cousin, faints after identifying a metal handle with Egyptian suns on it as the fifth element. Korben awakens Leeloo with a kiss, causing her to become hostile. Cornelius frantically searches for a robe while Leeloo points a gun at Korben, demanding his business card.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept of the fifth element
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Mystery and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in character interactions
Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with abrupt shifts in tone and pacing.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and authenticity in character interactions.
  • The character motivations and reactions are unclear and inconsistent, making it difficult for the audience to connect with them.
  • The introduction of the 'fifth element' concept is rushed and lacks proper build-up and explanation.
  • The transition between scenes and character actions is disjointed and confusing, leading to a lack of coherence in the storytelling.
Suggestions
  • Develop the characters' motivations and relationships more organically to create depth and authenticity in their interactions.
  • Provide clearer exposition and context for the 'fifth element' concept to ensure the audience understands its significance.
  • Improve the pacing and flow of the scene by smoothing out transitions and focusing on building tension and intrigue.
  • Enhance the dialogue to be more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and emotions.
  • Consider restructuring the scene to have a clearer narrative arc and purpose, leading to a more engaging and coherent storyline.



Scene 14 - Korben Meets Leeloo
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. LIVING ROOM

KORBEN
...What's your name?

GIRL
(after a moment)
Leeloo Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai
Ekbat De Sebat.

KORBEN
(polite)
Hey, that's... cute... Do you have
a nickname, something a little...
shorter?

GIRL
...Leeloo.

Korben is falling in love.

KORBEN
That's... really cute...

Cornelius bursts into the room. She turns the gun on him.

He bows before her.

CORNELIUS
Appipulai Leeloo Minai..

LEELOO
Corn-i-Lius?

CORNELIUS
(bowing)
At your service.

LEELOO lowers her guard starts to laugh. An irresistible
childish laugh.

Korben smiles.

DAVID
Father. You sure she's the Supreme
Being?

CORNELIUS
Absolutely sure. There's the triple
suns on her gloves!
34.

David bows low, but his eyes glance up at Leeloo. Cornelius
begins to lead Korben toward the door, hustling him out.

KORBEN
They all like this in your family,
father?

CORNELIUS
She's an exception... Thank you so
much for your help Mr...?

KORBEN
Dallas. Korben Dallas.

Cornelius takes his arm. Leeloo stops laughing when she sees
Korben leaving.

CORNELIUS
Yes. That's fine! Thank you very
much. A thousand times over!

KORBEN
I might call to check up on her, you
know... to see if she's better?

CORNELIUS
She's fine, really..don't you worry..
just needs some rest..she's had a
very long trip.

KORBEN
I know. I was there when she arrived.

Cornelius is about to close the door. Korben's hand blocks
it.

KORBEN
Excuse me! Just one thing! She said
something to me a while ago and... I
don't really get it... Akta Gamat?

CORNELIUS
It means, "Never without my
permission".

KORBEN
That's what I thought.

Cornelius slams the door in his face.

KORBEN
...Thanks.

INT. KORBEN'S APARTMENT - DAY

Korben beads down the hallway. He passes his NEIGHBOR.
35.

KORBEN
Evening...

NEIGHBOR
Fuck you!

KORBEN
...Thanks... You, too.

Korben enters his-apartment.

INT. KORBEN'S APARTMENT - DAY

The door slides back and the cat comes rubbing up against
him, tail in the air.

KORBEN
Oh god. I forgot your food ... I'm
really sorry! How about a nice Thai
nosh to apologize? How does that
sound, huh?

The cat meows, appeased, just an the phone rings.

KORBEN
Hello?

FINGER (V.O.)
Hey bud...I'm waiting all day here.

KORBEN
Finger..man..I'm sorry..listen..I
was on the way over but I had a fare
fall into my lap.. y'know one of
those big fares you just can't
resist..

FINGER (V.O.)
(suspicious)
So, just how big was this fare?

KORBEN
5'7", green eyes... long legs...
great skin... perfect..

Korben takes out a cigarette.

FINGER (V.O.)
Uh huh..and I don't suppose you got
the name of this... perfect fare...

KORBEN
(dreamy)
Leeloo..
36.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary Korben meets Leeloo and learns her full name. He convinces her to go by the nickname Leeloo. Cornelius interrupts their conversation and Leeloo playfully interacts with him. Korben expresses concern for Leeloo's well-being and learns the meaning of 'Akta Gamat'. Korben returns home to his apartment and receives a call from Finger.
Strengths
  • Engaging characters
  • Witty dialogue
  • Mysterious introduction of Leeloo
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in character interactions
Critique
  • The scene introduces the character of Leeloo and her long, complicated name, which can be overwhelming for the audience. Consider simplifying her name to make it more accessible and memorable.
  • The interaction between Korben, Leeloo, and Cornelius feels rushed and lacks depth. Take the time to develop the relationships between these characters to make the scene more engaging and meaningful.
  • The transition from Leeloo pointing a gun at Cornelius to laughing childishly feels abrupt and could be better explained or justified within the context of the scene.
  • The dialogue between the characters could be more natural and fluid, with a better balance between exposition and character development.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or conflict resolution, leaving the audience with a sense of incompleteness.
Suggestions
  • Consider simplifying Leeloo's name to make it more accessible and memorable for the audience.
  • Take the time to develop the relationships between Korben, Leeloo, and Cornelius to add depth and emotional resonance to the scene.
  • Provide more context or justification for Leeloo's sudden shift from pointing a gun to laughing childishly to make the transition smoother.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and engaging, focusing on character development and emotional depth.
  • Ensure the scene has a clear emotional arc and resolution to leave the audience satisfied and engaged.



Scene 15 - Leeloo's History Lesson and Stone Search
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. CORNELIUS' APARTMENT - DAY

Leeloo has a towel wrapped around her, it looks like she
just took a shower. She sits in front of a computer wolfing
down some chicken. Data scrolls by on the screen. David
watches from the corner, in awe.

DAVID
What's she doing?

CORNELIUS
Learning our history! The last 5000
years that she missed! She's been
out of circulation a while, you know.

Leeloo breaks into her childish laughter.

CORNELIUS
What're you laughing about?

LEELOO
(pronouncing badly)
Napoleon... small.

She laughs again and tosses some capsules into the microwave.

DAVID
(hesitant)
Uh father, I know she's been through
a lot... but the sacred stones..we
don't have much time..

CORNELIUS
Yes. Of course..

Leeloo takes her plate out of the microwave. A steaming
plate heaped with chicken and exotic vegetables.

CORNELIUS
Leeloo..I'm sorry to interrupt you
but..

She sits back down in front of the screen and chomps away
heavily on her second chicken. Cornelius sits opposite her.
and holds up the case handle.

CORNELIUS
(serious)
The case..with the stones... Where
is it?

LEELOO
San Agamat chay bet... envolet!

CORNELIUS
The case was stolen?
37.

Leeloo nods her head, quite unperturbed and continues to
devour the food in front of her.

CORNELIUS
(shocked)
Who in gods name would do such a
thing?

INT. CORRIDOR - ZORG'S WAREHOUSE - DAY

CLOSE ON: A pair of feet limping heavily. A MAN comes
alongside them.

RIGHT ARM
Excuse me sir, the council is worried
about the economy heating up. They
wondered if it would be possible to
fire 500...

They reach a door at the end of the corridor. Zorg enters a
code.

ZORG
Fire 1000.

RIGHT ARM
But... 500 is all they need, sir.

ZORG turns slowly. A small scar across run across his face,
his eye stutters.

This is not a man to cross, or contradict.

RIGHT ARM
1000! Fine, sir! Sorry to have
disturbed you.

The door opens...

INT. CORNELIUS' APARTMENT - DAY

... and David enters carrying a bundle of clothes.

CORNELIUS
There was this guy with a limp who
came a month ago..said he was an art
dealer ... Asking all these questions
about the Sacred Stones..at the time
I didn't think anything of it.. What
was his name? I'm so bad with names...

DAVID
(to Leeloo, timid)
I didn't know your size.

Leeloo is happy. She pulls off the towel and stands there
nude. Cornelius and David turn away.
38.

DAVID
They really made her...

CORNELIUS
Perfect.

Leeloo finishes dressing. She is delighted.

LEELOO
(to David)
Domo danko!

David smiles, dumb with admiration. Cornelius comes over.

CORNELIUS
Leeloo? The Stones...

We must get them back.

Leeloo settles down, sits at the computer and turns it on.

LEELOO
Ikset-kiba. Me imanetaba oum dalat!

CORNELIUS
You know exactly where they are!
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary Leeloo studies history while Cornelius worries about the stolen sacred stones. Zorg fires employees while Leeloo reveals she knows where the stones are.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot development
  • Well-developed characters
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Limited emotional depth in certain moments
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension considering the gravity of the situation - the stolen case containing the sacred stones.
  • The transition from Leeloo's carefree behavior to the serious discussion about the stolen case feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Leeloo's emotional state or reaction to the theft of the stones, which could add depth to her character.
  • The dialogue between Cornelius and Leeloo lacks emotional depth or complexity, making the scene feel flat and lacking in impact.
  • The visual elements of the scene could be enhanced to create a more engaging and visually stimulating environment for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider building up the tension and urgency surrounding the stolen case to create a more gripping and suspenseful scene.
  • Work on smoother transitions between different emotional beats in the scene to ensure a cohesive flow of emotions and narrative.
  • Explore Leeloo's emotional journey and reaction to the theft of the stones to add layers to her character and create a more compelling storyline.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Cornelius and Leeloo by infusing it with more emotional depth, conflict, and character development.
  • Utilize visual elements such as lighting, camera angles, and set design to create a visually dynamic and engaging scene that complements the narrative.



Scene 16 - Zorg's Reveal
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY

A group of handsome WARRIORS approaches. AKNOT, their leader
has the sacred case in his hands. The metal handle is missing
but the second metal glove is still grasping the case.

ZORG
(pretending to be
worried)
Aknot? Is that you?

The LEADER nods. A disgusted look stamps Zorg's features.

ZORG
...What an ugly face! Doesn't suit
you at all! Take it off...

AKNOT's face burns away revealing the head of a monstrous
MANGALORE.

ZORG
That's better! Never be ashamed of
who you are... You're warriors...
be proud...

AKNOT says nothing, but if his eyes could talk!

ZORG
So what if the Federal Army crushed
your entire race and scattered your
39.

ZORG
people to the wind... Your time for
revenge is at hand... Viola... the
ZF1.

He takes out a weapon from one a crate and goes into a sales
pitch.

ZORG
(very fast)
...It's light... the handle's
adjustable for easy carrying... good
for righties and lefties.

Meanwhile, two MEN set up a mannequin rigged with various
defense mechanisms at the far end of the warehouse.

ZORG
... Breaks down into four parts,
undetectable by X-rays.. It's the
ideal weapon for quick, discreet
interventions. A word on fire power:
Titanium recharger. 3000 round clip
with bursts of 3 to 300.

With the replay button, another Zorg innovation, it's even
easier... one shot.

He fires at the mannequin.

ZORG
... and replay sends every following
shot to the same location...

Zorg spins around, the rounds all hit the mannequin.

ZORG
(even faster)
I recharge, but the enemy has launched
a cowardly sneak attack from behind,
the automirror takes care of that.
Gives me the time to turn around and
finish the job. 300 round bursts,
then there are the Zorg oldies...

He fires off each item he names.

ZORG
...Rocket launcher. The always
efficient flame thrower... My
favorite. Our famous net launcher,
the arrow launcher, with exploding
or poisonous gas heads - very
practical. And for the grand finale,
the all-new ice-cube system!
40.

The mannequin has been blasted into a pile of ashes covered
by a net, stuck with arrows, the whole mess frozen solid. He
tosses the weapon into AKNOT's hands.

ZORG
...Four full crates, delivered right
on time! What about you, my dear
Aknot, did you bring me what I asked
you for?

AKNOT sets the case on a crate. Zorg gloats while stroking
the case.

ZORG
...Magnificent.

Zorg smiles, takes a deep breath, opens the case. It's empty

INT. CORNELIUS' APARTMENT - DAY

Leeloo breaks into her childish laughter once again.

CORNELIUS
(astonished)
What do you mean empty?

INT. ZORG'S WAREHOUSE - DAY

AKNOT looks into the case. Things grow tense.

ZORG
Alright..I've got an open mind here..
anyone care to explain?

INT. CORNELIUS' APARTMENT - DAY

Leeloo explains what happened in her language.

CORNELIUS
(translating)
She says that the Guardians never
really had much faith in humans.
They were afraid of being attacked.
The stones were given to someone
they could trust who took another
route. She's supposed to contact
this person in a little less than
twelve hours from now in a hotel.
She's looking for the address!

A map of the stars flashes onto the screen, Leeloo points.

LEELOO
Dot!

The little group comes over to look.
41.

DAVID
Planet Fhloston, in the Angel
constellation Cornelius plops down
into his armchair.

CORNELIUS
...We're saved!
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary Aknot's warriors present Zorg with the sacred case, unaware of its empty interior. Zorg exposes Aknot's Mangalore head and showcases the ZF1 weapon. Leeloo reveals the Guardians' placement of the stones with an individual on Fhloston, creating tension due to the empty case. Cornelius's realization offers hope for their mission's success.
Strengths
  • High tension and suspense
  • Revelation of crucial information
  • Engaging plot developments
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Dialogue could be more impactful
Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Zorg's warehouse to Cornelius' apartment, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Zorg and Aknot feels a bit forced and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The introduction of the ZF1 weapon and its features feels rushed and overwhelming, making it hard for the audience to fully grasp the significance of the weapon.
  • The revelation that the sacred case is empty lacks impact and could be more effectively portrayed to create a sense of suspense and intrigue.
  • The scene lacks emotional depth and character development, making it feel more like a list of actions and information rather than a compelling interaction.
Suggestions
  • Consider smoother transitions between locations to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Focus on developing the dialogue between Zorg and Aknot to add depth to their characters and make the interaction more engaging.
  • Slow down the introduction of the ZF1 weapon and its features to allow the audience to fully understand its significance.
  • Build up the suspense around the empty sacred case reveal to create a more impactful moment.
  • Add emotional depth and character development to make the scene more engaging and relatable to the audience.



Scene 17 - Confrontation and Dismissal
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. ZORG'S WAREHOUSE - DAY

ZORG
I'm fucked!

Zorg calmly closes the case and gives Aknot a blood-chilling
stare.

AKNOT
You asked for a case. We brought
you a case.

ZORG
(shouting)
A case with four stones in it. Not
one! Not two or three! But four!!!
Four stones!!! What the fuck am I
supposed to do with an EMPTY case?!!

AKNOT's men grow edgy.

AKNOT
(tense)
...We are warriors, not merchants!

ZORG
(humored)
But you can still count. Look...
my fingers.

He holds up four fingers.

ZORG
...Four stones, four crates... Zero
stones...
(yelling)
ZERO CRATES!!!
(to his men)
Put everything back, we're outta
here.

AKNOT's warriors turn their weapons on Zorg.

AKNOT
(icily)
We risked our lives. I believe a
little compensation is in order.
42.

ZORG
(smiling)
So, you are a merchant, after all.
(to his men)
Leave them one crate. For the cause!

Zorg's men leave a crate and exit with the other three.

EXT. OUTSIDE ZORG'S WAREHOUSE - DAY

Zorg walks along the street to his limo. RIGHT ARM carries
the empty case.

ZORG
I don't like warriors! They're too
narrow-minded, no sublety. Worse,
they fight for hopeless causes..for
honor! Honor has killed millions of
people but hasn't saved a single
one.
(pause)
You know what -- do I like though, I
like killer. A real dyed in the
wool killer. Cold-blooded. Clean.
Methodical. Thorough. A killer,
when he picked up the ZF1, would've
immediately asked about the little
red button on the bottom of the gun.

INT. HALLWAY ZORG'S WAREHOUSE - DAY

The warriors have all taken a weapon. One of them inspects
his ZF1. He turns it over and notices the little red button.
He presses it.

EXT. OUTSIDE ZORG'S WAREHOUSE - DAY

Behind Zorg, an ear-shattering explosion levels the warehouse.

ZORG
(impassive)
Bring the priest.

INT. KORBEN'S APARTMENT - DAY

Korben is finishing a Thai meal, cooked by a Thai on his
mini restaurant anchored at the window. The cat eats next to
Korben, contented.

KORBEN
So you forgive me?

The cat meows just as a red light blinks, announcing the
arrival of a message in a glass tube. Korben ignores it.

THAI
Not going to open?
43.

KORBEN
I've never gotten a message that
wasn't bad news.

THAI
How someone strong like you scared
from a message? Is good news I sure!

KORBEN
The last two messages I got? The
first one was from my wife telling
me she was leaving! And the second
was from my lawyer telling me he was
leaving too... with my wife.

THAI
You right that is bad.. but
mathematically luck must change!
Grandfather say: "It never rain every
day." This is good news guarantee..
I bet you lunch!

Korben hesitates, then gives the envelope to the Thai, who
opens it with a big smile that fades as reads the contents
aloud.

THAI
...You're fired. Oh!

Korben smiles at him.

KORBEN
At least I won lunch.

THAI
Good philosophy... see good in bad...
I like... I prepare number one
dessert.. special for you and pussy..

The cat meows.

INT. CORNELIUS' APARTMENT - DAY

Leeloo is polishing of' an immense pile of dessert as David
bangs away at the computer.

DAVID
I got it! Everything here we need
to know about Fhloston Paradise
Hotel... and a detailed blueprint of
the entire hotel!

CORNELIUS
Good work, my son. Now all we need
is a way to get there.

The doorbell rings.
44.

CORNELIUS
I'll get it. Finish your work my
son.

Cornelius opens to Right Arm with armed escort.

RIGHT ARM
Father Cornelius?

CORNELIUS
My son?

RIGHT ARM
Mr. Zorg would like a word with you.

CORNELIUS
Mr. Who?
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Zorg confronts Aknot over missing stones, demanding compensation. Korben learns of his dismissal. Cornelius is summoned by Zorg.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tense conflict
  • Humorous elements
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of character development
Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong emotional outburst from Zorg, which sets the tone for the rest of the interaction. This creates tension and conflict between Zorg and Aknot, adding depth to their characters.
  • The dialogue between Zorg and Aknot effectively conveys the frustration and anger of Zorg, while Aknot tries to maintain his composure as a warrior.
  • The visual of Zorg holding up four fingers to emphasize the number of stones needed adds a visual element to the scene, enhancing the audience's understanding of the situation.
  • The escalation of tension when Zorg's men turn their weapons on him adds a sense of danger and unpredictability to the scene, keeping the audience engaged.
  • Zorg's characterization as a ruthless and calculating individual is effectively portrayed through his dialogue and actions, making him a compelling antagonist.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more physical actions or movements to enhance the visual aspect of the scene, such as Zorg pacing back and forth or Aknot clenching his fists.
  • Explore the emotional dynamics between Zorg and Aknot further to deepen their relationship and motivations.
  • Provide more context or backstory to explain why the stones are crucial and why Zorg is so desperate to obtain them, adding layers to the conflict.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene, such as describing the sounds of Zorg's anger or the tension in the air.
  • Ensure that the resolution of the scene aligns with the established character traits and motivations, maintaining consistency in the storytelling.



Scene 18 - The Stones' Refusal
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. ZORG'S OFFICE

Zorg turns to Cornelius.

ZORG
Zorg. Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg...
nice to see you again

CORNELIUS
I remember you now... the so called
art dealer.

ZORG
I'm glad you got your memory back,
Father... Because you're going to
need it... Where are the stones?

CORNELIUS
...Why on earth do the stones interest
you?

ZORG
Personally, they are of no interest
to me, I'd rather sell weapons..but
I have a customer... so tell me...

CORNELIUS
Even it I did know where the stones
were I would never tell somebody
like you.

ZORG
Why? What's wrong with me?

CORNELIUS
...I'm a priest! I'm here to serve
life, All you want to do is destroy
it.
45.

ZORG
Ah, Father... You are so wrong. Let
me explain...

Zorg leads Cornelius into his inner office.

ZORG
...would you like a drink?

CORNELIUS
No thank you.

ZORG
Follow me.. Life, which you so nobly
serve, comes from destruction. Look
at this empty glass.

Zorg pushes the glass with his finger.

ZORG
Here it is... peaceful... serene...
but if it is...

Zorg pushes the glass off the table. It shatters on the
floor.

ZORG
Destroyed...

Small individual robots, both free-wheeling and integrated,
come zipping out to clean up the mess.

ZORG
...Look at all these little things...
so busy all of a sudden. Notice how
each one is useful. What a lovely
ballet, so full of form and color.
So full of..life!

CORNELIUS
They are robots!

A SERVANT comes in pours water in another glass. Zorg tosses
a cherry into it.

ZORG
Yes but... by that simple gesture of
destruction. I gave work to at least
fifty people today. The engineers,
the technicians, the mechanics. Fifty
people who will be able to feed their
children so they can grow up big and
strong. Children who will have
children of their own, adding to the
great cycle of life!

Cornelius sits in silence.
46.

ZORG
Father, by creating a little
destruction, I am, in fact,
encouraging life! So, in reality,
you and I are in the same business!

CORNELIUS
Destroying a glass is one
thing..killing people with the weapons
you produce is quite another.

ZORG
Let me reassure you Father..I will
never kill more people in my entire
life than religion has killed in the
last 2000 years.

Zorg smiles, holds up the glass and takes a drink.

Unfortunately, he chokes on the cherry. Unable to breathe,
Zorg starts to panic.

CORNELIUS
(mocking)
Where's the robot to pat your back?

Zorg falls, writhing, on his desk, inadvertently hitting
buttons which trigger a slew of little mechanisms. They pop
out all over the desk. True chaos reigns. Even a cage
appears, holding a Souliman Aktapan, a fat multicolored
beastie, PICASSO, who seems surprised to be out in daylight.
He licks his half-dead master in thanks. Cornelius gets up
and walks around the desk. Zorg motions for help.

CORNELIUS
Can I give you a hand?

Cornelius whacks him on the back. The cherry comes flying
out. Zorg regains control of himself. GUARDS come running
in.

ZORG
You saved my life... So, I'm going
to spare yours.
(to the GUARDS)
Throw him out!

The GUARDS throw Cornelius out.

CORNELIUS
You are a monster, Zorg!

ZORG
(complimented)
I know...

The GUARDS drag Cornelius out of the office.
47.

ZORG
...Torture whoever you want, the
president if you have to but I want
those Stones. You have an hour.

Right Arm salutes and hurries out of the office.

EXT. / INT. SPACE - SPACESHIP

...The dark planet. Three warships are positioned in front
of it.

Communication satellites arrive from all over the place,
drawn to it like a magnet.

CAPTAIN
(observing)
It's gobbling up all the communication
satellites in the galaxy!

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

President Lindberg appears even more crushed by recent events.

PRESIDENT
Why the hell is it eating up all
those satellites like that?

HEAD SCIENTIST
(desperate)
...We're working on it, Mr. President.
We're working on it.

PRESIDENT
It should only choke on them.

MUNRO enters the office just as a cockroach crawls onto the
desk. There's a small antenna on its back.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Zorg demands the location of the Stones from Cornelius, who refuses. Zorg argues destruction creates jobs, but Cornelius counters his weapons kill. Zorg chokes on a cherry, and Cornelius saves him. Zorg spares Cornelius and orders his guards to torture others for the Stones' location.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Exploration of philosophical themes
  • Intense conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Character development could be more pronounced
Critique
  • The scene between Zorg and Cornelius is filled with tension and conflict, which is engaging for the audience. However, the dialogue can be a bit on-the-nose at times, especially when Zorg explains his philosophy of destruction and life. This could be more subtly conveyed through actions and interactions.
  • The character of Zorg comes across as a typical villain with a one-dimensional motivation of profit and destruction. Adding more layers to his character, such as personal stakes or internal conflicts, could make him more compelling and nuanced.
  • The scene transitions from philosophical discussions to physical comedy when Zorg chokes on a cherry, which feels a bit jarring. The shift in tone could be smoother to maintain the seriousness of the conversation while still incorporating moments of humor.
  • The visual elements of the scene, such as the chaos that ensues when Zorg chokes and the appearance of the Souliman Aktapan, add a quirky and unique touch to the scene. However, the execution of these visuals could be more polished to enhance the comedic effect.
  • The dialogue between Zorg and Cornelius is confrontational and serves to highlight their opposing beliefs. While this conflict is necessary for the plot, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety and subtext to create a deeper and more nuanced exchange.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding depth to Zorg's character by exploring his motivations beyond profit and destruction. This could involve revealing personal vulnerabilities or conflicting desires.
  • Find ways to convey Zorg's philosophy of destruction and life through actions and interactions rather than explicit dialogue. Show, don't tell.
  • Smooth out the transition between the serious philosophical discussion and the comedic moment of Zorg choking on a cherry to maintain a consistent tone throughout the scene.
  • Refine the visual elements to enhance the comedic effect of the chaotic moments, such as Zorg choking and the appearance of the Souliman Aktapan. Ensure that these visuals align with the overall tone of the scene.
  • Work on adding subtext and nuance to the dialogue between Zorg and Cornelius to deepen their conflict and create a more engaging exchange.



Scene 19 - Stones Located
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. SMALL ROOM

Zorg's Right Arm wears earphones, monitoring the President's
conversation with the cockroach-spy.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE - SMALL ROOM

MUNRO
I managed to contact the Mondoshawan.
They deplore the incident, but accept
our apologies.

PRESIDENT
(relieved)
And the Stones? Did you find them
in the wreckage?
48.

MUNRO
The-Stones weren't aboard the ship.

PRESIDENT
(surprised)
...What do you mean?

The President is all ears.

So is Zorg's Right Arm.

MUNRO
The Mondoshawan never fully trusted
the human race..they felt we're too
unpredictable.. so they gave up the
Stones to somebody they do trust.
Her name is Plavalaguna. She's a
Diva and she's going to sing at the
charity ball on Fhloston Paradise in
a few hours. She has the Stones
with her.

The President breathes easier.

Zorg's Right Arm is delighted.

PRESIDENT
(taking off a shoe)
Excellent!

The President crushes the cockroach with his shoe.

Right Arm's earphones fly off his head. Good-bye eardrums.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

PRESIDENT
I want your best man on this!

MUNRO
Don't worry, Sir. I have the perfect
one.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Thriller"]

Summary President Munro reports to the President that the Mondoshawan have accepted the humans' apology, but the Stones were not found on their ship. Munro informs the President that the Stones were given to Plavalaguna, a Diva on Fhloston Paradise, and that she will have the Stones with her at a charity ball. The President orders Munro to send his best man to retrieve the Stones. Munro assures the President he has the perfect candidate. Zorg's Right Arm eavesdrops on the conversation and is delighted to learn the Stones' location.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Unexpected twist with Zorg choking on a cherry
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
Critique
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details that could enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.
  • The dialogue feels a bit straightforward and could benefit from more depth and complexity to make the characters and their motivations more engaging.
  • The interaction between the President and Munro could be more dynamic and engaging to create a sense of tension or urgency.
  • The introduction of Zorg's Right Arm monitoring the conversation adds an interesting element but could be further developed to add more intrigue to the scene.
  • The President's reaction to the news about the Stones could be more dramatic or impactful to heighten the stakes and create a sense of urgency.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding visual descriptions of the characters' reactions and the room to create a more immersive reading experience.
  • Enhance the dialogue by adding subtext, conflict, or emotional depth to make the scene more engaging.
  • Introduce more dynamic elements such as a power struggle between the characters or a race against time to retrieve the Stones to increase tension.
  • Expand on Zorg's Right Arm's role in the scene to add layers to the plot and create more intrigue.
  • Consider adding a twist or unexpected turn of events to keep the audience on their toes and make the scene more memorable.



Scene 20 - Korben's Dilemma
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. KORBEN'S APARTMENT - DAY

C.U. The most disgusting dessert ever made. Korben looks at
it shimmying on a plate as the Thai serves it to him proudly.

THAI
Stewed jellyfish cake... my
speciality...

Korben forces a weak, polite smile as the Thai looks on
expectantly. The phone rings.

KORBEN
Saved by the bell.
49.

Korben rises to get his cigarettes, and answer the phone.

KORBEN
...Hello?

MOTHER (V.O.)
You're the nastiest dirtbag I know
in this stinking City!

KORBEN
(resigned)
Hi Ma...

MOTHER (V.O.)
I've been playing twice a week for
20 years, 20 years I've been eating
those shitty croquettes.

Korben goes to light his cigarette. There are only two
matches left in the match box.

Korben strikes one and it fizzles.

MOTHER (V.O.)
You wouldn't even eat one to help
your poor mother, and you win the
big prize? Know something? The whole
thing makes me sick!

The Thai starts to clean up. Just as Korben goes to strike
the second match..

MOTHER (V.O.)
Are you listening to me, you ingrate!

KORBEN
(resigned)
Yes ma..

Korben sighs and puts the match back in the box.

Korben enters his code on the keypad the Thai is holding.

KORBEN
(to the Thai)
Go on... This is gonna take a while!

The Thai casts oft. Korben closes the window.

KORBEN
Other than that... You all right?

MOTHER (V.O.)
...And now you're making fun of me?
I'm warning you! If you don't take
me after all these years of sacrifice,
I'll never forgive you!!
50.

The Thai flies off. In the hall, the cat meows-for more
food.

KORBEN
(to the cat)
I'm coming!. Ma, what're you talking
about?

MOTHER (V.O.)
I get it! You want to make me beg,
is that it?

KORBEN
All I want is an explanation! I just
got in, I lost my job. I smashed my
cab. I got mugged, but other than
that everything's peachy, Ma, thanks
for asking!! Now settle down and
explain to me calmly..

A message drops in his tube. The red light goes on.

MOTHER (V.O.)
You just won a trip, you dolt!
Ten days in Fhloston Paradise for
two!

KORBEN
Ma. If I'd won, I'd know about it.
Someone would have notified me.

MOTHER (V.O.)
They've been blaring out your name
on the radio for the last hour,
blockhead!

He eyeballs the message still in the tube. The doorbell
rings.

KORBEN
Ma... it's the door. I'll call you
back.

Korben hangs up before his mother can say anything and heads
for the door. Before he gets there it opens, General Munro
enters followed by a Captain and a Major.

MAJOR ICEBORG is a woman. All she needs to become a man is a
mustache.

Munro opens a file.

MUNRO
(clipped)
Major Dallas, if our calculations
are correct you still have 57 hours
owed to the Federal Army on your
51.

MUNRO
enlistment which is more than you
will need for a mission of the utmost
importance.

KORBEN
What mission?

MUNRO
To save the world.

KORBEN
Where have I heard this song before?

MUNRO
You're to leave immediately for
Fhloston Paradise. Retrieve four
Stones from the Diva Plavalaguna.
And bring them back with the utmost
discretion as possible. Any
questions?

KORBEN
(a little bewildered)
Just one... why me?

MUNRO
Three reasons... One: As part of The
Elite Special Forces Unit of the
Federated Army you are an expert in
the use of all weapons and spacecraft
needed for this mission.

Munro pulls out a long list of documents.

MUNRO
Two: Of all the members of your unit
you were the most highly decorated.

KORBEN
And the third one?

MUNRO
You're the only one left alive...

Munro removes the message Korben hasn't bothered to look at.

MUNRO
Don't you open your messages?

KORBEN
I've had enough good news for today

MUNRO
(by rote)
You have won the annual Gemini contest
and a trip to Fhloston Paradise. For
52.

MUNRO
two. Congratulations. Here are
your tickets.

He hands Korben the tickets. Korben gets it.

KORBEN
You rigged the contest?

Munro nods.

MUNRO
Major Iceborg will accompany you...
as your wife...

The idea of taking a trip with Iceborg makes him sick.

KORBEN
(sarcastic)
You couldn't come up with something
a little more discreet?

MUNRO
Old tricks are the best tricks eh?

KORBEN
I'm not going.

MUNRO
Why not?

KORBEN
One reason... I want to stay the
only one left alive.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary Korben faces a life-altering decision when he receives a visit from General Munro and his team. While trying to enjoy a disgusting dessert, he gets a call from his berating mother. A message arrives with trip details, prompting him to hang up on his mother. General Munro informs him of a mission to retrieve four stones from Diva Plavalaguna on Fhloston Paradise. He learns he's the sole survivor of his unit and that Major Iceborg will accompany him as his wife. Korben initially refuses the mission but ultimately agrees.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Setting up high-stakes mission
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the mission offer
Critique
  • The scene starts with a focus on a disgusting dessert, which sets a tone of discomfort and unease. This can be a powerful visual element, but it's important to ensure it serves a purpose in the overall story.
  • The dialogue between Korben and his mother feels a bit cliched and could be more nuanced to add depth to their relationship. Consider adding layers to their conversation to make it more engaging and realistic.
  • The interaction between Korben and General Munro is a crucial moment in the scene, but the dialogue feels a bit rushed and lacks emotional depth. Adding more subtext and emotion to their conversation can make it more impactful.
  • The revelation that Korben is the only survivor of his unit is a significant plot point, but it could be delivered in a more dramatic and compelling way. Consider building up the tension and emotional impact of this revelation to engage the audience.
  • The scene ends with Korben expressing his reluctance to go on the mission, which sets up potential conflict and character development. However, this moment could be further explored to delve into Korben's internal struggles and motivations.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the dialogue between Korben and his mother to make it more authentic and engaging.
  • Add more depth and emotion to the interaction between Korben and General Munro to enhance the impact of the mission revelation.
  • Build up the tension and emotional stakes surrounding Korben being the sole survivor of his unit to create a more compelling narrative.
  • Explore Korben's internal conflict and motivations for refusing the mission in more detail to add complexity to his character.
  • Consider incorporating visual cues and subtle details to enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene, especially in relation to the disgusting dessert and Korben's reluctance to go on the mission.



Scene 21 - The Apartment Panic
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. KORBEN'S HALL

Leeloo and Cornelius search for Korben's apartment. Leeloo
carries the card Korben gave her. Cornelius finds the
apartment, and yanks the. number off the door. He waves
Leeloo over as his hand goes to the bell.

INT. KORBEN'S APARTMENT

The doorbell rings.

KORBEN
...Scuse me.

Korben goes to the door and looks out the peephole: the
beautiful Leeloo.

Korben panics, overcome with happiness.

KORBEN
...Shit!
53.

MUNRO
(worried)
What is it?

Korben has two seconds to make up something to get rid of
Munro.

KORBEN
It's my wife.

MUNRO
I thought you were divorced.

KORBEN
I mean my future... my ex... My future
ex... if she sees you here I'm
finished. She hates you guys. It's
what killed us in the first place.
Please...

He puts them in the fridge, shoving the jellyfish cake in
Iceborg's hands.

KORBEN
...Sorry, General, but we've got no
choice! It'll only take a minute!
Let me set up another meeting and
I'll be back.

MUNRO
Three of us will never fit in there!

KORBEN
(pushing him)
Oh, yes you will...

Korben slams the fridge door. The doorbell RINGS again.

KORBEN
...Coming!

He whips through his place in ten seconds, gathers up things
laying about, shuts drawers, rolls up his laundry in the
folding bed. He brushes his hair back and opens the door
with a big smile only to discover a gun stuck between his
eyes held by Cornelius.

LEELOO
Apipoulai!

KORBEN
I suppose that means "Hi" ?

CORNELIUS
I'm sorry to have to resort to such
methods, but we heard about your
54.

CORNELIUS
good luck on he radio and we need
the tickets to Fhloston.

KORBEN
Is that the usual way priests go on
vacation?

CORNELIUS
We're not going on vacation... we're
on a mission...

KORBEN
What kind of mission?

CORNELIUS
(sincere)
We have to save the world.

KORBEN
(skeptical)
Good luck..

CORNELIUS
Of course.

KORBEN
Father, I was in the Army for awhile
and every time they told us we were
on a mission to save the world the
only thing that changed was I lost a
lot of friends. So thanks for the
offer... but no thanks.

Cornelius is disappointed. Leeloo looks crestfallen.

KORBEN
I'm sorry...

VOICE
This is a police control action...

Everyone freezes as the whole building resounds with the
electronic voice.

INT. LANDING - KORBEN'S BUILDING

A group of POLICEMEN bursts into the hallway. One of the
cops enters a code on the police wall box. A device descends
from the ceiling, a flashing light-siren, a VOICE fills the
air.

VOICE
This is not an exercise. This is a
police control.

Cornelius starts to panic. Korben takes charge.
55.

CORNELIUS
Oh my god oh my god..

Korben pushes a button sending the fridge to the next floor.
A shower takes its place.

KORBEN
Leeloo, hide in here and don't move!

Leeloo hops in. Korben tosses Cornelius on the bed.

CORNELIUS
What are you doing?

KORBEN
Trying to save your ass so you can
save the world.

...and hits a button on the wall. The bed disappears into
the wall.

Korben grabs his tickets and slides them in his belt.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary Korben, Leeloo, and Cornelius confront each other in Korben's apartment. Korben attempts to conceal his companions from Leeloo, who arrives with Cornelius. Amidst the chaos, Cornelius reveals their mission to save the world. As the police approach, Korben chooses to hide Leeloo and Cornelius, leaving their fate uncertain.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of suspense, humor, and drama
  • Compelling concept of saving the world
  • Dynamic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Character motivations could be further developed
Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of character motivations and actions. There are abrupt shifts in tone and pacing, making it difficult to follow the story.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, especially Korben's interactions with General Munro and Cornelius. The humor comes across as forced and doesn't land effectively.
  • The introduction of the police control action feels sudden and disjointed, adding unnecessary tension without proper buildup or context.
  • The character of Leeloo is underutilized in this scene, with her presence not contributing significantly to the plot or character development.
  • The transition between comedic moments and serious discussions about saving the world feels jarring and inconsistent.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the character motivations and actions to make the scene more coherent and engaging.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and situations.
  • Integrate the introduction of the police control action more smoothly into the scene to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • Give Leeloo a more active role in the scene to enhance her impact on the story and character dynamics.
  • Maintain a consistent tone throughout the scene to ensure a cohesive and engaging storytelling experience.



Scene 22 - Mistaken Identity
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. LANDING - KORBEN'S BUILDING - DAY

Meanwhile, the automatic police voice continues.

VOICE
...Spread your legs and place your
hands in the yellow circles, please.

A COP slaps a viewer device on Korben's door which makes
part of it transparent.

COP 1
Put your hands in the yellow circles,
please.

Korben takes his time hiding his face. The Cop looks at his
sheet. He's looking for a... KORBEN DALLAS. He has his
picture, but it is Korben with long hair and beard.

COP 1
(to COP 2)
Sir? Are you a human?

KORBEN
No, I'm a meat popsicle.

COP 3
(at the other end of
the hall)
I found him!

C.U. Korben's calling card is clumsily stuck to the door of
the neighbor's apartment.
56.

COP 3 slaps the viewer on the nasty neighbor's door. The
neighbor is at his sink shaving instead of against the wall,
COP 1 arrives with Korben's picture.

COP 1
Sir, this is a control. Please put
your hands in the yellow circles.

The neighbor steps right up to the viewer, shaving cream on
his face. He could pass for Korben.

NEIGHBOR
Fuck you!!

INT. KORBEN'S APARTMENT

Korben still has his hands to the wall.

KORBEN
Wrong answer.

SHOT O.S. EXPLOSION. Scuffle.

INT. HALL

The riot police hustle down the hall dragging the neighbor
behind them in a canvas bag.

A cop is on the wall phone.

COP
OK, we got the guy under wraps.

INT. ZORG'S OFFICE

Right Arm is on the phone, facing Zorg.

COP (O.S.)
It was not easy, but we bagged him!.
Thanks for the tip!

RIGHT ARM
(smiling)
Glad to help.

He hangs up.

RIGHT ARM
They just arrested the guy for Uranium
smuggling. Everything's going as
planned.

He shows him a plane ticket, and a passport with his picture
and Korben's name.
57.

RIGHT ARM
All I have to do now is to go to the
airport and take his place. I should
be in Fhloston in less than four
hours.

Zorg sits there quietly for a moment.

ZORG
Don't come back without the Stones.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Korben's building is surrounded by police who mistake him for a uranium smuggler. They arrest his neighbor instead, while Korben hides in his apartment. Zorg's henchman, Right Arm, poses as Korben to retrieve the Stones.
Strengths
  • Dynamic pacing
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Slight predictability in character actions
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear connection to the previous scenes, making it feel disjointed from the overall story.
  • The humor in the dialogue, while entertaining, may not align with the tone of the rest of the screenplay.
  • The interaction between Korben and the police lacks depth and could be further developed to add more tension and intrigue.
  • The transition between the neighbor's interaction with the police and Right Arm's actions in Zorg's office is abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating elements from the previous scenes to create a more seamless flow in the story.
  • Adjust the humor in the dialogue to better match the overall tone of the screenplay.
  • Develop the interaction between Korben and the police to add more depth and complexity to the scene.
  • Smooth out the transition between different locations and characters to improve the overall coherence of the scene.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid and engaging setting for the scene.



Scene 23 - Awkward Interruption
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. KORBEN'S APARTMENT

Korben opens the shower door. Leeloo is soaking wet, her
teeth chattering from the cold.

KORBEN
I'm really sorry... there wasn't
time.

His eyes fall on an old blanket.

KORBEN
Here let me wrap you up.

Korben wraps her in an blanket and vigoroualy rubs her back.
Leeloo warms gradually and snuggles closer to that warm
comfortable shoulder. Korben's rubbing slows, looking more
like caresses.

KORBEN
...It's funny. I've met you twice
today and you've ended up in my arms
both times.

Leeloo suddenly realizes that she has maybe gone a bit too
far.

She recovers, looking embarrassed too.

LEELOO
(nicely)
Valo massa... Chacha hamas.

KORBEN
Uh..you're welcome.

The intimacy makes him nervous. He looks for a diversion.

KORBEN
Coffee! That's what you need! A
nice, hot cup of coffee!

He pushes a button on the coffee machine.

KORBEN
With some honey!
58.

KORBEN
You'll see, honey's great!...

Korben rummages through the drawer. Leeloo, innocent, doesn't
seem to quite understand everything that is going on.

KORBEN
A hot cup of coffee... with honey...

He rummages through the cupboard, exceedingly nervous. Leeloo
smiles and begins to look around. She opens a drawer and
comes upon...

KORBEN
(nervously)
I've got this great honey somewhere.
You know about honey? There used to
be these little animals who made it
with antenna...

...pictures of Major Korben Dallas War Hero.

KORBEN
...and these other animals who ate
it... one were bees the other were
bears...

She looks back to the man fumbling for honey.

KORBEN
I forget which ate it and which made
it but...

And she smiles.

KORBEN
Here it is!

Korben holds up the jar of honey.

KORBEN
Taste this...

Leeloo innocently sticks his finger in the jar then puts it
in her mouth.

KORBEN
It... melts in your mouth, doesn't
it?

She savors the honey, slowly; sensually. Her lips shine
with honey. Her eyes narrow with pleasure. Korben is
hypnotized by her lips, like a moth attracted to a flame.
He begins to lose control, which makes him nervous.
59.

An indistinct sound comes from the wall. But Korben is so
entranced with the sight of Leeloo licking her honied fingers,
he doesn't hear it until it becomes quite a racket.

KORBEN
You hear that?

LEELOO
(licking)
Cornelius...

KORBEN
Oh god!

Korben pushes the button on the wall. The bed pops out,
fully made, with Cornelius tucked in it, struggling to get
out.

KORBEN
I'm really sorry... let me help you...

Korben begins to pull at the covers when...

LEELOO
Achta ge lumitai de matala..

Korben turns..

KORBEN
What?

He turns to Leeloo struggling out of her wet clothes. His
breath is taken away by the sight of her perfect body.

Cornelius whacks him heavily on the head with a lamp. Korben
drops to the floor.

LEELOO
(displeased)
Vano da, mechteba?! Soun domo kala
chon hammas!

CORNELIUS
No, I'm not proud of myself... But
we don't have the luxury of choice.

INT. ENTRANCE - KORBEN'S BUILDING - DAY

The POLICE exit the elevator and head for the front door. A
cop suddenly takes a hit from a silencer, then a second.
Others are bashed on the head by MANGALORE warriors. One of
them picks up the prisoner bag, takes it into a small shed.

INT. SHED

Aknot, the Mangalore leader, is seriously wounded and can't
walk.
60.

AKANIT
Korben Dallas! We got him.

AKNOT
Perfect... Take command, Akanit. Go
to Fhloston and get the Stones...
If Zorg really wants them... He'll
have to negotiate. Revenge is at
hand.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Korben helps Leeloo warm up after her shower, leading to an intimate moment between them. However, their moment is interrupted by Cornelius, causing an awkward situation. Meanwhile, the police are attacked by Mangalore warriors outside Korben's building, resulting in their capture.
Strengths
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Blend of tones and emotions
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of humor may feel out of place in the intense moments
Critique
  • The scene starts with a moment of intimacy between Korben and Leeloo, which is abruptly interrupted by the presence of Cornelius in the bed, leading to a comedic moment.
  • The transition from the intimate moment to the chaotic situation with Cornelius feels a bit rushed and could benefit from smoother pacing.
  • There is a mix of sensuality, humor, and tension in the scene, which can be a bit jarring for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Korben, Leeloo, and Cornelius is a bit disjointed and could be more cohesive to enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The visual elements of Korben fumbling nervously, Leeloo sensually enjoying the honey, and Cornelius popping out of the bed add to the comedic aspect of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider building up the tension and comedy in a more gradual manner to create a smoother transition between the intimate moment and the chaotic situation.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to ensure it flows naturally and contributes to the overall tone of the scene.
  • Explore ways to balance the sensuality, humor, and tension in a way that enhances the scene's impact on the audience.
  • Focus on the pacing of the scene to maintain the audience's engagement and ensure a seamless progression of events.
  • Consider adding more depth to the characters' interactions to further develop their relationships and motivations.



Scene 24 - Arrival at the Airport
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. KORBEN'S APARTMENT - KORBEN'S BUILDING - DAY

Korben gets unsteadily to his feet, some blood drips down
his face. He daubs at it.

KORBEN
Jesus!... Some priest!

The phone rings, he manages to answer.

KORBEN
Yeah?

MOTHER (V.O.)
Have you pulled yourself together?

KORBEN
...Not yet.

He hangs up.

Korben opens the fridge door. The three officers are frozen
solid. Korben grabs some ice, presses it to his forehead.

KORBEN
I'll take the mission.

He closes the door.

INT. AIRPORT HALL - DAY

Cornelius and Leeloo (still damp) arrive at the Manhattan
Intergalactic Airport.

A huge hall three quarters filled with trash piled up to the
ceiling.

There are groups of extra-terrestrials on strike standing in
trash holding picket signs. A SECURITY GUARD picks up a
phone off the wall.

SECURITY GUARD
Illegal gathering in Zone 4.

A hand taps Leeloo from behind. She whips around catching
David in the face.
61.

CORNELIUS
Leeloo, be careful.

He turns to David who in holding his bloody nose.

CORNELIUS
Did you get them?

David hands Cornelius two passports.

CORNELIUS
Excellent... Leeloo Dallas.

He hands it to her. The name makes her smile.

CORNELIUS
And Korben David Dallas.

She frowns.

LEELOO
Akta dedero ansila do mektet.

CORNELIUS
I can't pretend to be your husband...
David's in great shape.

She looks at David holding his bloody nose.

CORNELIUS
He'll protect you. Go on... See the
Diva... get the Stones... See you
at the temple... God be with you.

ANGLE ON: Korben comes rushing into the airport. Walking
quickly, he scopes the hall looking for Leeloo. A POLICE
PATROL bearing down on the STRIKERS jostles him. The cops
open fire. The strikers dive into the garbage and disappear.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary Korben agrees to take a mission despite being injured. Cornelius and Leeloo arrive at the chaotic Manhattan Intergalactic Airport. David gives them passports, and Cornelius convinces Leeloo to accept Korben's. Korben arrives at the airport to meet them.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot development
  • Strong character dynamics
  • High stakes and suspenseful tone
Weaknesses
  • Some confusion in the chaotic airport setting
  • Minor inconsistencies in character reactions
Critique
  • The transition from Korben deciding to take the mission to Cornelius and Leeloo arriving at the airport feels a bit abrupt and disjointed. There could be a smoother transition to connect these two moments.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or tension considering the gravity of the situation. More emphasis on the stakes and the impending danger could heighten the dramatic impact of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Cornelius and Leeloo could be more impactful and emotionally resonant to convey the weight of the mission and the bond between the characters.
  • The visual description of the airport being filled with trash and extraterrestrials on strike is intriguing but could be further developed to create a more vivid and immersive setting.
  • The interaction between Leeloo and David, resulting in him getting a bloody nose, feels slightly out of place and could be better integrated into the scene to serve a clearer purpose.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transition or bridge between Korben's decision to take the mission and Cornelius and Leeloo arriving at the airport to create a smoother narrative flow.
  • Enhance the sense of urgency and tension in the scene by emphasizing the high stakes and imminent danger facing the characters.
  • Revise the dialogue between Cornelius and Leeloo to deepen the emotional impact and significance of the mission, highlighting the bond between the characters.
  • Expand on the visual description of the airport setting to create a more immersive and detailed environment that enhances the atmosphere of the scene.
  • Integrate the interaction between Leeloo and David more seamlessly into the scene, ensuring that it serves a clear purpose and contributes to the overall narrative.



Scene 25 - Boarding the Flight to Fhloston Paradise
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. BOARDING GATE

David nervously puts tickets and IDs on the check-in counter.

Leeloo tosses her suitcase on the conveyor belt.

CHECK-IN ATTENDANT
Congratulations on winning the
contest.

David gives her a bleak smile. Leeloo rolls her eyes.

Back a ways, Korben has spotted Leeloo and... David. He
heads right for them.

Leeloo's seen him. She is both delighted and panicked.
David's seen nothing. Korben presses one of his fingers
like a gun to David's back.
62.

KORBEN
(friendly)
Hey! I really thought I was going
to miss my flight!
(to David)
Thanks, kid! You put the luggage on
the conveyor belt?

DAVID
(freaking)
Uh... yeah.

KORBEN
(smiling)
Great! Now beat it!

Paralyzed, David leaves. Korben turns to the attendant.

KORBEN
Excuse me. I was so afraid I'd miss
the flight that I sent the kid here
to pick up my boarding card.

He looks at David's fake ID.

KORBEN
...My cousin David...

Leeloo is unable to hold back a smile.

CHECK-IN ATTENDANT
(looking at Leeloo's
ID)
Your wife?

Korben grabs the ID and reads it.

KORBEN
Uh, yes... Newlyweds.
(aside)
You know how it is... Love at first
sight. You meet, something goes
tilt, you get married, you hardly
know each other. Right, darling?

Leeloo rips her boarding card out of the attendant's hand.

LEELOO
(sharply)
Dinoine chagantakat!

KORBEN
Took the words right out of my mouth.
Go on... I'll be right with you.
63.

KORBEN
(to Check-in Attendant)
It's our honeymoon. We're going to
use the trip to get to know each
other better.

He winks at the stewardess.

ANGLE ON:

The neighbor and a tawdry young girl cross the airport. The
couple in almost knocked over by a police patrol holding a
500 pound PIG on a stainless steel leash. The couple panics
a moment, the realize the patrol isn't for them. The pig
heads for the pile where the strikers disappeared.

COP
(to pig)
Come on, snyffer, go root!

The pig piles into the garbage. The Cop cuts it some slack.

Cornelius sits at a bar.

CORNELIUS
(to the bartender)
I feel so guilty sending her to do
the dirty work. I know she was made
to be strong but she's also so
fragile... So human. You know what
I mean?

The bartender, a robot, nods his head as he pours Cornelius
a drink.

ANGLE ON:

The nasty neighbor and his wife hand their tickets to the
check-in attendant.

CHECK-IN ATTENDANT
(surprised)
Dallas... Korben...

NEIGHBOR
(in a different voice)
Yes, that's me.

The check-in attendant triggers a transparent blue light
that shines on their faces, revealing two other faces:

Mangalores.

CHECK-IN ATTENDANT
(smiling)
Just a minute, please.
64.

She hits a silent alarm, but the Mangalores feel something
is wrong.

NEIGHBOR
We'll be right back ... we're gonna
check out the duty free...

They spin around and hurry away.

ANGLE ON:

Cornelius at the bar, half in the bag.

ROBOT
The same?

CORNELIUS
Yeah...

DAVID (V.O.)
Make that two...

Cornelius turns to David.

CORNELIUS
Where's Leeloo?

DAVID
On the plane... with Mr. Dallas...
the real one.

CORNELIUS
It's all my fault. I'm the servant...
It's my mission! Here!

He hands David the Temple Key from around his neck.

CORNELIUS
Here's the key to the Temple...
Prepare for our arrival!

Cornelius tosses David's drink into his own, downs it all in
one shot, and takes off, passing the Mangalore couple headed
for the exit. They are very nervous.

A police patrol is coming. This time, it seems to be for
them.

NEIGHBOR
(to the tawdry girl)
Tell Aknot plan A flopped. Tell him
to go to plan B.

The tawdry girl nods and peels off. The neighbor takes out a
gun and blasts away at the cops. The cops fire back. A
firefight rages in the hall. The tawdry girl dives into a
pile of garbage and disappears.
65.

COP
(into walkie-talkie)
...Send in a back-up unit, Zone 7!

ANGLE ON:

On one side of the hall, a trap door opens. Three pigs come
running out, grabbed by their police handler.

Cornelius waits until everyone has left, gets down on all
fours and crawls through the trapdoor reserved for the pigs.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Comedy"]

Summary David and Leeloo arrive at the airport and are checking in for their flight to Fhloston Paradise. Korben arrives and pretends to be David's cousin to get his boarding pass. Leeloo is delighted and panicked to see Korben. Korben grabs Leeloo's boarding card and pretends they are newlyweds. A police patrol with a pig on a leash walks by. Cornelius feels guilty for sending Leeloo on a dangerous mission. The nasty neighbor and his wife are revealed to be Mangalores and try to escape, but are stopped by a police patrol. Cornelius gives David the Temple Key and tells him to prepare for their arrival. Cornelius crawls through a trapdoor for pigs, leaving David alone.
Strengths
  • Blend of humor, suspense, and action
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Dynamic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be overly chaotic or confusing for the audience
Critique
  • The scene transitions between different characters and locations quite abruptly, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and lacks natural flow, especially in the interactions between Korben, Leeloo, and the check-in attendant.
  • The introduction of the Mangalores as the nasty neighbor and his wife feels a bit rushed and could use more build-up to create tension and suspense.
  • The actions of the characters, such as Korben pretending to be David's cousin and the neighbor revealing themselves as Mangalores, feel a bit contrived and could be more subtly executed.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or stakes, considering the impending danger and the mission to save the world.
Suggestions
  • Consider smoothing out the transitions between different characters and locations to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Work on making the dialogue more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Build up the reveal of the Mangalores as the neighbor and his wife to create more tension and suspense.
  • Focus on creating more organic and believable character actions to enhance the authenticity of the scene.
  • Inject more urgency and stakes into the scene to heighten the tension and engage the audience.



Scene 26 - Korben's Encounter with Loc Rhod
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
INT. FIRST CLASS LOUNGE

Leeloo stands at the buffet in the first class lounge eating
everything in sight.

INT. HALL

Korben is led down the hall by a STEWARDESS.

STEWARDESS
You are so lucky... Loc Rhod is the
coolest DJ in the universe.

KORBEN
Listen... I don't want to be
interviewed. I'd prefer to remain
anonymous.

The stewardess stops in the corridor.

STEWARDESS
Forget anonymous. You'll be doing
Loc Rhod's live show every day from
5 to 7!

KORBEN
(expression changes)
You gotta be kidding!

The stewardess smiles and shakes her head. The door next to
him suddenly swings open and smashes him in the face.

In walks LOC RHOD amidst a tornado of music and security
guards. He is young, good-looking, eccentric, charming as
an elf or sly as a fox. A bundle of energy. He is the 24th
century's most popular DJ.

LOC RHOD
(speedy, in rhythm)
Korben Dallas! Here he is The most
hated man in the universe. The one
and only winner of the Gemini
Croquette contest! Ladies, start
melting 'cause the boy's hot! Hot!
Hot! The boy is perfect..
66.

LOC RHOD
(he feels his muscles)
...The right size, right build, right
hair. Right on! Say something to
those 50 billion pair of ears out
there D-man!

An ASSISTANT hands a totally lost Korben a mike.

KORBEN
(hesitant)
...Hi.

LOC RHOD
Does it get any better or what!

Loc Rhod grabs Korben's arm and leads him down the hallway,
as fast as the music.

LOC RHOD
...Quiver ladies, he's gonna set the
world on fire right here from 5 to
7! You'll know everything there is
to know about the D-man. His dreams,
his desires, his most intimate of
intimates. And from what I'm looking
at intimate is the stud muffin's
middle name. So tell me my main
man... you nervous in the service?

KORBEN
Uh... not really.

Loc Rhod lets go of Korben's arm and grabs the Stewardess.

LOC RHOD
Freeze those knees, my chickadees,
'cause Korben is on the case with a
major face...

Loc Rhod rubs up against the stewardess.

LOC RHOD
...Start drooling, ladies! My man
here is a sharp-tongued Sire who's
gonna stroke your every desire.

They come to an intersection. The airline company has
prepared drinks for them. Loc Rhod pushes on, grabs a glass
of champagne, scribbles his autograph.

LOC RHOD
Yesterday's unknown will be tomorrow's
Prince of Fhloston Paradise, the
hotel of a thousand and one follies,
home of luxury and beauty.
67.

LOC RHOD
A magic fountain flowing with non-
stop wine, women and Bootchie Koochie
Koo...

He tosses away his champagne glass.

LOC RHOD
Beware out there puppy dogs my man
is on the prowl. Owwww!

Howling, Loc Rhod grabs another stewardess by the arm.

LOC RHOD
...And start licking your stamps
little girls, this guy's gonna have
you writing home to Momma! Tomorrow
from 5 to 7, I'll be your voice,
your tongue and I'll be hot on the
tail of the sexiest man of the year...
D-man... Your man... My man.

The stewardess shivers. A BEEP is heard.

VOCODER (O.S.)
End of transmission.

The MUSIC suddenly stops. Several assistants come and
compliment Loc Rhod who sighs, lights up a cigarette, and
drops his pretense.

LOC RHOD
Korben sweetheart do me a favor I
know this is probably the biggest
thing that ever happened to you in
your inconsequential life. But I've
got a show to do here and it's got
to pop. So tomorrow, when we're on
air, give me a hand... Try to make
believe you have more than a one
word vocabulary. OK pal?

That does it. Korben grabs him by the collar and drags him
into a corner.

Loc Rhod's feet don't touch the ground.

KORBEN
(pissed)
I didn't come here to play Dumbo on
the radio. So tomorrow between 5
and 7 give yourself a hand, that
clear pal?

LOC RHOD
(petrified)
Crystal.
68.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Comedy"]

Summary Korben is reluctantly forced to participate in Loc Rhod's live show, but becomes irritated by Rhod's behavior and grabs him by the collar, demanding respect.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Energetic tone
  • Dynamic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Limited emotional depth
Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Leeloo indulging in food to Korben being led down the hall by a stewardess, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Korben and Loc Rhod feels forced and lacks natural flow, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • The characterization of Loc Rhod as a flamboyant and eccentric DJ is cliched and lacks depth, making him come across as a caricature rather than a fully developed character.
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction, with the focus shifting between Korben's reluctance to be interviewed and Loc Rhod's over-the-top behavior.
  • The sudden shift in tone from playful banter to a tense confrontation between Korben and Loc Rhod feels jarring and out of place.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to provide a smoother transition between Leeloo's actions and Korben's interaction with Loc Rhod.
  • Focus on developing more natural and engaging dialogue between Korben and Loc Rhod to make their interaction more compelling.
  • Avoid relying on stereotypes for character development and instead strive to create more nuanced and authentic portrayals of the characters.
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each interaction serves to advance the plot or develop the characters in a meaningful way.
  • Work on maintaining a consistent tone throughout the scene to ensure a cohesive and engaging narrative.



Scene 27 - Airport Confrontation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. AIRPORT

The Check-in attendant has two more tickets in her hand.

CHECK-IN ATTENDANT
(alter a moment,
reading)
...Mr. Dallas... Korben Dallas?

Zorg's Right Arm gives her a big smile.

RIGHT ARM
That's right.

The attendant scans the ID with a yellow beam, it checks
out, and the blue light reveals no other face but his.

CHECK-IN ATTENDANT
The problem is I only have one Korben
Dallas on my list... and he's already
checked in.

Right Arm's smile shatters.

RIGHT ARM
That's impossible! He's in j... I
mean, there must be some mistake. I
have my ticket! I'm the real Korben
Dallas!

A shrill BELL rings out.

CHECK-IN ATTENDANT
(smiling)
I'm sorry, sir, boarding is finished.

The attendant hits a button. A thick window slowly slides
up between them.

Right Arm totally loses it.

RIGHT ARM
I want to see your boss! Get rid of
this fucking window! Somebody's
made a mistake, goddamnit!

He pounds on the counter with both fists. A steel curtain
comes down. Red sighting beams target spots on his body,
ten gun barrels protrude from the wall, all aimed at him.

VOICE (O.S.)
This is not an exercise. This is a
police control.

Put your hands in the nearest yellow circles...
69.

RIGHT ARM
(slowing down)
Sorry, my fault... Just a little
overexcited... that's all... I'm
calm now.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Comedy"]

Summary Right Arm of Zorg attempts to check in at the airport using Korben Dallas's ID but is informed he is already checked in. He becomes agitated and demands to see the boss, but the window between them closes, and gun barrels protrude from the wall, targeting him. The scene ends with Right Arm being targeted by police weapons and ordered to comply.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of tension and humor
  • Engaging plot development
  • Well-executed character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene, making it feel disjointed.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and lacks depth, especially in the interaction between the Check-in Attendant and Right Arm.
  • The tension and conflict in the scene could be heightened to create a more engaging and suspenseful moment.
  • The character of Right Arm could be developed further to make his desperation and frustration more palpable to the audience.
  • The setting of the airport could be described in more detail to create a stronger sense of place.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous scene to this one to improve the flow of the screenplay.
  • Work on enhancing the dialogue to make it more engaging and reflective of the characters' emotions and motivations.
  • Increase the stakes and tension in the scene by amplifying the conflict between the Check-in Attendant and Right Arm.
  • Further develop the character of Right Arm to make his actions and reactions more compelling and relatable.
  • Provide more vivid descriptions of the airport setting to immerse the audience in the scene.



Scene 28 - Lost in Translation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. SHUTTLE - DAY

Korben makes his way in the plane looking for his seat. No
more seats in modern planes, just individual travel boxes
lined up like microwaves. He passes STEWARD holding his
bloodied nose. He has found what he is looking for. He enters
to.... Leeloo quietly stretched out in front of a computer
screen. Korben slips in beside her. Leeloo in concentrating
on the words that scroll rapidly past her on the screen.
He doesn't understand what she is doing.

LEELOO
Apipoulai!

KORBEN
Not hard to find you...just follow
the Chaos...

Leeloo smiles, as if complimented.

KORBEN
Leeloo, listen to me... these
tickets... they're not mine... I
mean they are, but not for vacation
like everyone thinks... I'm on an
operation... and if I didn't come
get you, you'd be in a shitload of
trouble... I'd love to be on vacation
with you... but now.... now I've
got to work... And Leeloo... I would
love to work in peace.

Leeloo types in "LOVE" on the keyboard.

LEELOO
Love...

KORBEN
Yes! But "love" isn't the operative
word here, PEACE is!

Leeloo types in this new word.

LEELOO
(rather pleased)
Peace... and love...

She brings up a picture of a 60's style Hippie flashing a
peace sign. Korben sighs and switches off the screen.
70.

KORBEN
Sometimes you can't learn everything
from a screen... sometimes it's better
to ask someone who has experience...

LEELOO
(quite happy)
What is... make Love?

Korben just stares at her for a few minutes.

KORBEN
Know what? On that subject maybe
you'd be better off asking the screen.

He turns the computer back on.

ANGLE ON:

A STEWARDESS walks up the aisle of the shuttle pushing the
red buttons on top of each individual box.

VOICE (O.S.)
...to make your flight as short and
agreeable as possible, our flight
attendants are switching on the timing
sleeper which will regulate your
sleep during the trip...

ANGLE ON:

LEELOO
(switching off the
screen)
OK! Finished!

KORBEN
Finished what?

LEELOO
Learning language.

KORBEN
Which one?

LEELOO
All 900.

Korben doesn't know if he should laugh or not.

KORBEN
You learned 900 languages in five
minutes?!

LEELOO
(pleased)
Yes! Now it's your turn!
71.

LEELOO
I learned your language, you have to
learn mine!

KORBEN
I know how to say "Hello". Teach me
how to say "Good-bye", that's all I
need.

LEELOO
Apipoussan!

KORBEN
Apipoussan?

LEELOO
Good! Do you know how we say "make
love"?

KORBEN
(fumbling)
Uh...

LEELOO
...Hoppi-hoppa.

Korben literally melts.

KORBEN
(to himself)
Help...

Luckily, a stewardess smiles at him through the box window.

STEWARDESS
Sweet dreams, Mr. Dallas!

The stewardess sets the timing sleeper. Korben and Leeloo
immediately fall asleep.

A STEWARDESS at the other end of the shuttle has a problem.

STEWARDESS 2
Mr. Loc Rhod you have to assume your
individual position.

LOC RHOD
(hugging her)
I don't want an individual position,
I want all positions!

STEWARDESS 2
(resisting somewhat)
We're going to take off soon, Mr.
Rhod!
72.

LOC RHOD
Now you're talking!

INT. COCKPIT - FHLOSTON SPACE SHUTTLE

Three CREW MEMBERS prepare for liftoff.

COPILOT
(on the radio)
Molecular axis authorization. Vector
130. Destination Fhloston.

Stewardess 1 enters the cockpit.

STEWARDESS 1
Zone 1. 217 locked. The sleep
regulator is OK.

PILOT
(checking her out)
Thanks, Miss.

The Stewardess leaves with a smile. A red light flashes on
the vast control panel.

MECHANIC
Tell the ground crew we've got
parasites in the landing gear.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Korben tries to explain their mission to Leeloo on a shuttle to Fhloston, but she becomes fixated on learning about human intimacy instead. Meanwhile, other passengers struggle with the sleep regulation system and a ground crew discovers parasites in the landing gear, leading to a chaotic and humorous journey.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict
  • Low stakes
Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, as it jumps between different interactions without a cohesive thread.
  • The dialogue between Korben and Leeloo feels forced and lacks depth, making their interaction seem superficial.
  • The introduction of the sleep regulator and parasites in the landing gear feels disconnected from the main interaction between Korben and Leeloo.
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency or tension, which is important in a sci-fi setting like a space shuttle.
  • The transition between different characters and their interactions is abrupt and could be smoother to improve the flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing a clear objective or conflict within the scene to drive the interaction between Korben and Leeloo.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Korben and Leeloo to make it more meaningful and reflective of their characters.
  • Integrate the elements of the sleep regulator and parasites in the landing gear more seamlessly into the main narrative of the scene.
  • Create a sense of urgency or tension by introducing a threat or obstacle that the characters must overcome during their interaction.
  • Improve the transitions between different characters and their interactions to create a more cohesive and engaging scene.



Scene 29 - Explosive Revelation
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. AIRPORT LANDING STRIP - DAY

A GROUND CREW MEMBER goes over to the truck parked under one
of the plane's wings and bangs on the side of it with a shout.

GROUND CREW MEMBER
Disinfecting!

Two DISINFECTORS in hermetically sealed suits exit the truck.
They go over to the front landing gear and send up a whooshing
beam. The flame burns everything it touches. A pack of
repugnant creatures falls squealing from the landing gear.
A small trapdoor is opened under the shuttle and a huge
slightly phosphorescent tube falls out.

INT. AIRPORT HALL / ZORG'S OFFICE

Zorg's Right Arm is in a phone booth in the middle of the
hall.

RIGHT ARM
Yeah, it's me... Put Zorg on.

He is already sweating.

ZORG
(cold)
I'm listening.
73.

RIGHT ARM
The real Korben Dallas is on the
plane! He took my place.

ZORG
This is a joke, right?

INT. SHUTTLE

Loc Rhod is wrapped around a stewardess like a snake.

LOC RHOD
No!! I swear to God! I've never been
this sincere with a human before!

EXT. LANDING STRIP

TWO GROUND CREW MEMBERS stick an enormous, highly
phosphorescant tube into the opening.

GROUND CREW MEMBER
You're fueled and ready to go.

Have a nice flight.

INT. SHUTTLE

PILOT
(to copilot)
Everything ready for liftoff?

INT. CABIN

STEWARDESS
(weakly, to Loc Rhod)
No, no... I'm not ready! I'd like to
talk first...

INT. ZORG'S OFFICE / AIRPORT HALL

ZORG
I cannot hear you. We have a bad
connection here. What's your number?

Right Arm reads off the phone number.

RIGHT ARM
278-500-645-321

ZORG
I'll call you back.

EXT. LANDING STRIP

The runway is now empty. A man slips out of the shadows.
It's Cornelius. He scurries over to the front landing gear.
74.

He pauses for an instant, the climbs up the wheel well and
disappears inside the shuttle.

INT. SHUTTLE

The pilots are going through the pre-flight check list.

COPILOT
Anti static pressure?

MECHANIC
Primed.

The mechanic presses a series of buttons.

INT. CABIN

Loc Rhod undoes a series of buttons on the stewardess' blouse,
behind a curtain. He whispers a poem. Impossible to resist
him. Outside the curtain the stewardess' legs rise slowly.

EXT. LANDING STRIP

On the ground, protective fire curtains rise slowly to contain
the engine exhaust on liftoff.

INT. ZORG'S OFFICE

A keyboard slowly appears in front of Zorg.

ZORG
(typing the number)
278... 500...

SERIES OF QUICK CUTS:

The pilot gradually turns the engines up.

COPILOT
10 seconds...

PILOT
Power increase.

- The stewardess undergoes a power surge from Loc Rhod that's
about to lift her of.

- Zorg finishes gleefully typing in the number.

ZORG
3... 2... 1...

- The engines at full blast.

- The stewardess in close to screaming.
75.

PILOT
Liftoff.

- The copilot pushes a button.

- So does Zorg.

- The engines release their full power.

- The stewardess screams in ecstasy.

- In the hall, Right Arm literally explodes along with the
phone and everything else within 60 feet.

INT. FHLOSTON SPACE SHUTTLE

The stewardess' legs slowly descend and disappear behind the
curtain.

INT. COCKPIT

In the cockpit, the atmosphere loosens up.

COPILOT
(relaxing)
Landing gear secure. Let's light
one up.

INT. CABIN

Korben and Leeloo sleep soundly in their box. Leeloo has a
smile on her face and her hand in Korben's.

EXT. OUTERSPACE - NIGHT

The spaceship rockets past us, then suddenly vanishes with
amazing speed. Space is now empty and calm. Billions of
stars glow in perfect silence.

EXT. SPACE

The nefarious planet in still there, immobile, even larger
now, writhing like a serpent.

Then, suddenly, for no apparent reason, all activity stops
and it becomes gray and cold.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Comedy"]

Summary The scene begins with ground crew disinfecting a plane at the airport. Zorg's Right Arm informs Zorg that Korben Dallas has taken his place. Loc Rhod tries to seduce a stewardess using his powers. Zorg discovers the truth and explodes Right Arm along with the phone. The spaceship takes off with Korben and Leeloo sleeping soundly. The nefarious planet becomes gray and cold as the spaceship vanishes into space.
Strengths
  • Engaging blend of genres
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Humorous moments
  • Suspenseful buildup
Weaknesses
  • Some minor pacing issues
  • Character motivations could be clearer in certain scenes
Critique
  • The scene lacks clear transitions between different locations and actions, making it feel disjointed and confusing for the audience.
  • There is a lack of character development and depth in this scene, with actions and dialogue feeling superficial and disconnected.
  • The scene contains unnecessary details and actions that do not contribute to the overall plot or character development, leading to a lack of focus and coherence.
  • The dialogue between characters feels forced and lacks authenticity, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters and their motivations.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of tension and stakes, failing to engage the audience and build anticipation for the upcoming events.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the scene by focusing on essential actions and dialogue that drive the plot forward.
  • Introduce smoother transitions between different locations and characters to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Develop the characters further by adding depth to their interactions and motivations, making them more relatable and engaging for the audience.
  • Ensure that each action and line of dialogue serves a purpose in advancing the plot or revealing character traits, avoiding unnecessary details.
  • Enhance the tension and stakes in the scene by building up to the climax and creating a sense of urgency that keeps the audience invested in the story.



Scene 30 - Cosmic Convergence and Desperate Search
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. SPACESHIP

In the Admiral's starship, scientists watch the measuring
device. One of the devices suddenly starts working.

TECHNICIAN
All right! We're finally getting
something!
76.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

The Head Scientist stands facing the President, who is looking
more tired than ever.

HEAD SCIENTIST
The thing is sending out radio
wavelengths!

PRESIDENT
What the hell does it want with radio
waves?

HEAD SCIENTIST
...Probably wants to make a call!

The President and his Generals look at him in astonishment.

INT. ZORG'S OFFICE

Picasso purrs contentedly on Zorg's lap. The phone rings.

SECRETARY (O.S.)
Mr. Shadow on the line.

Zorg shoots to his feet. Picasso tumbles to the floor.
Zorg picks up the phone, both excited and uneasy. He stands
there, almost coming to attention.

ZORG
Yes... Zorg here.

The voice is feeble. It comes from the far reaches of time,
from the bowels of the universe.

SHADOW
Am I disturbing you?

ZORG
No... not at all. Where are you?

SHADOW'S breathing is awesome.

SHADOW
...Not far, now.

ZORG
Really? Maybe I can get you on my
screen and see you at last!

Zorg brings up a huge screen and pushes a few buttons.

In the middle of an electronic snowstorm, a blackish, vaguely
human, quiverinq form appears. Two eyes, like lava, give an
idea where the head is. Zorg feels sick.
77.

SHADOW
Do you have the picture now Mr. Zorg?

ZORG
Got it.

SHADOW
How's our deal coming along?

ZORG
(ill at ease)
Fine, just fine! I'll have the 4
pieces you asked for any time now.
But it wasn't easy. My costs have
tripled.

Shadow pauses an instant. A black slimy liquid starts to
ooze from the top of the screen. Zorg is feeling worse all
the time.

SHADOW
Money is of no importance... I want
the Stones!

The black liquid oozes all over the screen which starts to
melt. Zorg sweats profusely, his legs tremble.

ZORG
The Stones will be here. I'll see to
it personally!

SHADOW
...I can't wait to be among you.

Zorg sighs and sits down totally freaked.

EXT. ORBIT - FHLOSTON PARADISE

The space shuttle fills the screen. It banks left and begins
its descent toward Fhloston, the turquoise planet. Crystal
blue water, perfect white sand beaches. A true paradise.

INT. SPACE SHUTTLE

The stewardess picks up a microphone to make an announcement.

STEWARDESS
Ladies and gentlemen, we have begun
our descent toward Fhloston
Paradise...

Stewardesses walk down the aisles waking the passengers one
by one. They press a button on the door of each box.

In the corner, Loc Rhod and the stewardess awake with a start
and straighten their clothes quickly. The stewardess is
embarrassed.
78.

STEWARDESS
(timidly)
I wanted to tell you that...

Loc Rhod puts on his sunglasses and presses a finger to her
lips. He disappears behind the curtain leaving the sighing
stewardess on her own.

EXT. FHLOSTON PARADISE

The spaceship descends through some clouds and glides over a
vast turquoise sea.

Fhloston Paradise looms into view. An enormous oceanliner
floating a dozen yards above the water. On closer inspection
it is more modern than a traditional oceanliner.

The shuttle draws near, looking ridiculously small next to
the monster. Like a sardine next to a whale.

INT. COCKPIT

A blinking light goes on.

PILOT
Shit! Parasites in Zone 1. Take a
look.

The 1st Mate heads off.

INT. CABIN

A stewardess opens Korben's box door. He is still heavy
with sleep. He looks over at Leeloo. She's not there.

EXT. FHLOSTON

The tiny space shuttle clings to the huge oceanliner.

INT. COCKPIT

The Pilot maneuvers the ship into it's docking area.

PILOT
Docking activated. You can let the
passengers out.

INT. REAR OF COCKPIT

The 1st mate pries open the door to an overhead panel.
Cornelius falls out, hanging in a jumble of wires.

INT. ENTRANCE HALL - FHLOSTON PARADISE - DAY

The enormous door opens and the passengers exit. Leeloo is
among them. She appears quite impressed by the beauty and
luxury of the 19th century decoration.
79.

INT. CABIN

Korben attempts to make his way up the shuttle's aisle.

KORBEN
(jostling everybody)
Pardon me. Excuse me. I'm trying to
reach my wife... Sorry!
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary Scientists detect radio signals from the mysterious planet, suggesting communication attempts. Zorg receives an ominous inquiry from Shadow about the four pieces. Amidst the arrival at Fhloston Paradise, Korben frantically searches for Leeloo, while passengers marvel at the planet's beauty.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Introducing a new compelling character
  • Advancing the plot significantly
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth in character interactions
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly cliched or predictable
Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from the Admiral's starship detecting radio wavelengths to Zorg's office receiving a call from Shadow, creating a disjointed flow.
  • The dialogue between Zorg and Shadow lacks depth and tension, with Zorg's reactions feeling forced and unconvincing.
  • The visual description of Shadow as a blackish, vaguely human form with lava-like eyes is intriguing but lacks further development or impact on the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear connection to the overall plot and fails to build suspense or intrigue for the audience.
  • The introduction of Fhloston Paradise and the space shuttle's descent feels rushed and disconnected from the previous events, leaving the audience disoriented.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a smoother transition between the Admiral's starship and Zorg's office, providing more context and relevance to the dialogue.
  • Enhance the interaction between Zorg and Shadow to add depth and tension, exploring their dynamic and motivations further.
  • Develop Shadow's character and impact on the story to make the scene more engaging and meaningful.
  • Integrate the introduction of Fhloston Paradise and the space shuttle's descent more seamlessly into the narrative, ensuring a cohesive flow of events.
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene within the larger plot and ensure it contributes to building suspense and advancing the story.



Scene 31 - Arrivals and Departures
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. ENTRANCE HALL

A dozen policemen wait patiently at the end of the hall.
Leeloo stops and presses against the wall. She spots Korben
leaving the shuttle. A gorgeous HOSTESS comes up to him,
drapes a lei around his neck and plants a kiss on his lips
in welcome.

HOSTESS
(smiling)
Welcome to Paradise.

Korben's face is covered in lipstick. Leeloo sees he did
nothing to stop the girl and she doesn't like it.

A HEFTY MAN wearing a sarong drapes some flowers around her
neck. Then, obviously relishing it, he leans down to kiss
her. Leeloo bashes him on the forehead. The hefty man
straightens up. He's still smiling, but his nose is bleeding.
He falls slowly to the floor.

Korben pushes forward trying to spot Leeloo. He also tries
to wipe the lipstick off.

Leeloo tries to escape through a door marked PERSONNEL ONLY,
but it's locked. A HOST looks at her with a grin.

HOST
(playful)
If you don't have the code you can't
open it!

Leeloo smiles and punches in an old code and twists the
doorknob. The door opens with the sound of a braking lock.
Leeloo smiles sweetly and enters as if nothing were amiss.

A shriek of joy fills the room. Korben turns around. The
HOSTESSES cluster around Loc Rhod as he comes out of the
plane. Loc Rhod spots Korben and latches onto his arm.
It's not going to be easy to remain discrete.

LOC RHOD
(relieved)
My main man! Please don't leave me
here alone. My head's killing me and
my adoring fans are gonna tear me
apart! Get me outta here!
80.

KORBEN
I'll take you to the bar, after that,
you're on your own.

LOC RHOD
(hanging on to Korben)
Oh, yes! Do that! You treat me right,
man. Tell me all about yourself,
your roots, your personal life, your
childhood dreams...

KORBEN
I don't think this is a good time...

LOC RHOD
...You got brothers and sisters?
What about your dad? Tell me about
your dad! What was he like?
Physically? Big, I suppose?

KORBEN
(evasive)
Yeah, very big, a giant.

LOC RHOD
I didn't have a dad... never saw
him... never even heard him. 50
billion people listen to me every
day... and he doesn't hear me...

INT. SMALL ROOM - FHLOSTON PARADISE - DAY

Leeloo is in a small room, ear at the door, listening.
Everything seems normal. She turns and discovers the room
for what it is: a rest room for... three cops who look up
from their books and stare blankly at her. Leeloo doesn't
know what to do. So she smiles.

INT. KORBEN'S STATEROOM

The door opens. The HOSTESS turns on the light and enters.
Korben follows her, gaping at all the luxury.

The BAGGAGE BOY enters bringing Leeloo's two suitcases.

Korben grabs the notice announcing Diva Plavalaguna's concert
at 5:30 in that evening.

Dress: Formal attire.

KORBEN
For the concert it says formal
attire... I didn't bring...

The hostess pulls back the closet door. Twenty tuxedos in a
row.
81.

HOSTESS
(looking him over)
Here's some champagne. I'll drop by
after the concert to open it.

She gives him a blinding smile and closes the door.

Korben pushes a button. The curtains open to reveal a most
spectacular view of the turquoise planet. Stars shoot out
into infinity. Breathtaking. Korben stands gaping.

The phone rings, snapping him out of his reverie.

KORBEN
Hello?

MOTHER (O.S.)
You little sleaze bag!

KORBEN
...Ma???

MOTHER (O.S.)
Don't you ever ask me for another
thing in my life again, you've killed
your poor mother with your own hands!

Korben drops into an armchair and sighs. His eyes go to the
ceiling.

KORBEN
...Ma!!!

INT. FHLOSTON PARADISE - POLICE OFFICE - DAY

The Chief of Police has Cornelius in front of him, handcuffed.

FOG
The Diva's ship is coming in.

CHIEF OF POLICE
I want maximum security.

FOG
Yes. Sir!

CHIEF OF POLICE
(to Cornelius)
OK, let's hear it.

CORNELIUS
Where was I?

CHIEF OF POLICE
(bored)
...You open the door. There's a cabby
with a girl in his arms.
82.

FOG opens the door. Two COPS come hobbling in all bloody
and bandaged. They hold up a THIRD COP.

CHIEF OF POLICE
What happened? A bomb go off in
your face?

BEAT-UP COP
Yeah... A 5 foot 7 inch bomb...
with green eyes.

Cornelius perks up.

CORNELIUS
And the smile of an angel?

They all turn to look at him.

CORNELIUS
(to Chief)
May I speak to you alone.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Comedy"]

Summary Leeloo's jealousy leads to an escape attempt, Korben contends with Loc Rhod's clingy behavior, and Cornelius faces interrogation while beaten-up cops hint at new information.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Introduction of new characters
  • Establishment of setting
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of character motivations and actions. Leeloo's reaction to Korben being kissed by the hostess is not clearly conveyed, making her sudden violent outburst seem out of character.
  • The transition between different character interactions is abrupt and disjointed, leading to a lack of smooth flow in the scene.
  • The dialogue between Loc Rhod and Korben feels forced and unnatural, detracting from the authenticity of their interaction.
  • Leeloo's actions in the restroom with the cops are confusing and don't align with her character development up to this point.
  • The introduction of the small room with the cops feels random and disconnected from the rest of the scene, adding unnecessary complexity.
Suggestions
  • Clarify Leeloo's emotional response to Korben's interaction with the hostess to make her subsequent actions more believable.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different character interactions to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Revise the dialogue between Loc Rhod and Korben to make it more organic and reflective of their characters.
  • Reconsider Leeloo's actions in the restroom to ensure they align with her established character traits and motivations.
  • Consider streamlining the scene by removing unnecessary elements like the small room with the cops to maintain focus on the main storyline.



Scene 32 - Leeloo's Encounter with the Diva and Korben
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. CORRIDOR - FHLOSTON PARADISE - DAY

Leeloo watches the Diva's arrival. A door opens and two
POLICEMAN clear the way for DIVA PLAVALAGUNA, her MANAGER,
her BODYGUARDS and a gaggle of PORTERS carrying trunks.

Not wanting to draw attention to herself, Leeloo feigns
interest in a painting that is obviously upside down. A white
chiffon veil covers the face of the Diva, she stops in front
of Leeloo. The Diva reaches out and strokes Leeloo's face,
without touching her.

The Diva removes her hand making a sound of crackling
electricity, then passes on.

Leeloo is groggy. The Diva's ASSISTANT comes up to her.

DIVA'S ASSISTANT
Please forgive this little incident.
She wants you to know that she senses
great powers in you... in the service
of a noble cause... She will give
you what you have come to get, but
she wants to sing first... One last
time...

The Diva's assistant turns the painting right side up.

DIVA'S ASSISTANT
(nodding)
Miss.

Leeloo looks at the painting, seems to understand it better.
83.

EXT. DIVA'S SUITE

Policemen stand at attention in front of the Diva's suite.

FOG
Hello, I'm head of security.
Everything is in order. You can...

The Diva enters her suite without letting him finish.

FOG
...make yourselves at home safely.
If you need anything...give it a
knock!

INT. POLICE OFFICE - HALLWAY - NIGHT

A door opens near the police officer's main entrance.
Cornelius looks both ways. Then crosses the hall, dragging
the Chief of Police by the feet.

INT. KORBEN'S STATEROOM

Korben finishes putting on his tux, still on the phone.

KORBEN
Listen, Ma! I've only got a few
days vacation and I'll be damned if
I'm gonna spend them on the phone.

The door RINGS.

KORBEN
...Hang on, it's the door. No!
I told you I didn't bring anybody!
I'm all alone... as usual!

Korben opens the door. It's not the champagne. Even better.
It's Leeloo.

KORBEN
(to his mother)
...I'll call you back.

Leeloo heads right for her suitcase and starts to undress.
Korben has to turn away once more.

KORBEN
Here we go again...

LEELOO
(by rote)
You know women normally change five
times more than men.

KORBEN
You get that off the screen?
84.

LEELOO
Yes... you know there's a lot of
differences between men women.

KORBEN
You noticed..

LEELOO
OK, you can turn around!

Korben turns around. Leeloo has put on a very simple dress
which is sexy to the max. He is smitten. So much so that
Leeloo wonders if something isn't quite right.

KORBEN
Where you going?

LEELOO
I'm going to see the Diva sing. What's
the matter?... Do I look bad?

KORBEN
No, not at all! I mean, just the
opposite, you're... you're beautiful!

Leeloo smiles at him, his compliment pleases her. She turns,
revealing her unzippered back. Korben cannot help but stare
at her bare flesh. Her perfect bottom.

LEELOO
Do you know how this works?

Korben's blood boils. She wriggles, pressing her hands
together close to the zipper.

KORBEN
I have an idea.

But instead of pulling on the zipper he slips a bracelet on
her wrist. A flourescent beam bursts out of the bracelet
and forms a vertical bar going from the floor to the ceiling.

Stunned, Leeloo is held captive.

KORBEN
I told you I need to work in peace.
Remember? I need to concentrate.

LEELOO
And you can't concentrate with me
around?

KORBEN
It's difficult.

She tries to breakout.
85.

KORBEN
Army issue. I'm sorry.

Leeloo tries desperately to get out of the handcuffs.
Impossible.

Korben sets the radio down in front of her and turns it on.

Leeloo looks like she'd like to break his head.

LEELOO
(seething)
You're nothing but a... a...

KORBEN
The words you're looking for weren't
in the dictionary you studied. I
won't be long.

The door flies open. Loc Rhod barges in.

LOC RHOD
Hey Stud we gotta...

Then he sees the scene, Leeloo cuffed, in a low cut dress.
His mind goes to the obvious.

LOC RHOD
Korben my man what's happening here?
Who's the chick? What's the gig? We
free forming here? Getting funky
with the monkey? Can I get in on
this?

Korben grabs him by the collar..

KORBEN
No... to all of the above.

And yanks Loc Rhod out of the room. Leaving Leeloo looking
extremely unhappy.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Leeloo witnesses the Diva's arrival and receives a mysterious message. When Korben opens his door, Leeloo intends to leave. Despite her objections, Korben impulsively traps her with a bracelet. When Loc Rhod misinterprets the situation, Korben throws him out, leaving Leeloo furious as Korben departs for work.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Mysterious and suspenseful tone
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing without prior context
Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with multiple elements introduced but not fully explored or resolved.
  • The interaction between Leeloo and Korben feels forced and lacks depth, making their relationship development unconvincing.
  • The dialogue is somewhat awkward and lacks natural flow, making the interactions between characters feel stilted.
  • The scene transitions abruptly between different locations and characters, creating a disjointed narrative.
  • There is a lack of tension or conflict in the scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing the relationship between Leeloo and Korben more organically, with genuine emotions and interactions.
  • Clarify the purpose of each character's actions and dialogue to ensure they contribute meaningfully to the scene.
  • Consider streamlining the scene to focus on one central conflict or theme to create a more cohesive and engaging narrative.
  • Work on improving the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of each character's personality and motivations.
  • Introduce more tension and conflict to drive the scene forward and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 33 - Interlude on Fhloston Paradise
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. FHLOSTON PARADISE - OPERA - NIGHT

Loc Rhod and Korben enter what turns out to be a replica of
the Garnier Opera in Paris. A hostess escorts them to their
seats.

LOC RHOD
(broadcasting)
We have just walked into what is
probably the most beautiful concert
hall in the universe. Totally
awesome! Magnificent paintings on
the ceiling. I don't know who painted
them, but he must have busted his
balls!
86.

LOC RHOD
I see a row of former ministers,
more sinister than minister! A few
generals practicing how to sleep.
And there's Baby Ray, star of stage
and screen, drowning in a sea of
nymphets. He's not gonna get much
out of this concert, he's stone-deaf!

ANGLE ON:

Baby Ray bending his ear to a girl asking for an autograph.

BABY RAY
...to who?

LOC RHOD
(moving down the aisle)
...And over there is Roy Von Bacon,
the king of laserball and the best
paid player in the League.
(shakes hands as he
goes by)
...And over there is the Emperor
Kodar Japhet whose daughter Aachen
is still at the bar. "I love to
sing, too, but in the shower", she
recently confessed to me. She will
no doubt prove to be as generous
tonight as she always is.

A waiter gives them two glasses of champagne. Track with
the WAITER an he leaves the hall with his empty tray. He
enters a small room reserved for staff.

INT. STAFF ROOM - FHLOSTON PARADISE - NIGHT

The waiter joins some other WAITERS. They are well armed.
He opens a cupboard and pulls out a humongous weapon. Suddenly
their faces burn off revealing AKANIT, the young leader of
the Mangalores, and his troops.

AKANIT
It's showtime!

INT. CONCERT HALL

The lights dim slowly in the concert hall.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

President Lindbergh and his staff, including Munro, sit at
the desk. Speakers appear.

INT. KORBEN'S SUITE

Leeloo, still a prisoner, listens to the concert.
87.

INT. CONCERT HALL

Korben is tense. The curtain rises. The Diva, in a stunning
gown, stands in the center of the stage, head bowed. Behind
her, a star filled window. The MUSIC begins. The Diva looks
up, a rare beauty, but an alien. And then she begins to
sing. Her voice is divine, unmatched. Korben is swept up
in the TEARS.

INT. KORBEN'S SUITE

Leeloo has tears in her eyes

INT. DIVA'S SUITE

The manager couldn't care less about the concert. His main
problem is the bottle of scotch he can't seem to open. The
doorbell RINGS.

MANAGER
(ugly mood)
Yeah!?

VOICE (O.S.)
Flowers for the Diva.

MANAGER
She's allergic to flowers!!!

VOICE (O.S.)
There's champagne as well...

The manager takes one look at the stubborn bottle and opens
the door. And finds himself staring down the barrel of a
gun. A dozen Mangalores rush in. One of them, with a human
face, closes the door and waits out in the hall.

ANGLE ON:

Cornelius watching from around the corner.

CORNELIUS
...My God!

INT. CONTROL ROOM - FHLOSTON PARADISE

CAPTAIN
Commander, I have a ship with a main
malfunction. He requests permission
to dock for repairs.

COMMANDER
Did you check out his registration
number?

CAPTAIN
Everything's in order.
88.

COMMANDER
Put him in the docking garage and
inform the police.

INT. COCKPIT - ZFX200 - NIGHT

CAPTAIN (V.O.)
Permission granted. Dock 575. You
have an hour. Will that be enough
time'?

Zorg sits at the controls.

ZORG
(cold)
More than enough.

EXT. FHLOSTON PARADISE - NIGHT

The ZFX approaches Fhloston.

INT. KORBEN'S SUITE

The ship comes close enough for Leeloo to see it out the
window.

FLASHBACK:

The same ships with Mangalores at the controls attack the
Mondoshawans at the beginning of our story.

INT. KORBEN'S SUITE

Leeloo is alarmed. She has to act. She seizes the
flourescent bar beam with great effort and rams it into the
ceiling, marking a hole large enough for her to escape.

INT. CLOSET - FHLOSTON PARADISE

Cornelius bursts into the closet he left the Chief of Police
tied and gagged in. He quickly unties him.

CORNELIUS
(in a panic)
Mangalores! The Diva's suite! They
want the Sacred Stones! They must be
stopped. We must stop them! I'm
going to free you but you must promise
to help me!

The Chief of Police nods his agreement.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Amidst the splendor of an opera performance, sinister forces converge on Fhloston Paradise. Mangalores plot an assault, Leeloo escapes her confinement, and Zorg's ship looms overhead. Cornelius and the Chief of Police join forces to thwart the impending threat.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional depth
  • Engaging dialogue
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Some characters may need more development
  • Certain plot points could be further explored
Critique
  • The scene transitions between different locations and characters quite abruptly, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • There is a lack of clear focus on the main conflict or central theme of the scene, leading to a scattered narrative.
  • The dialogue, while descriptive, can be overly verbose and detract from the pacing of the scene.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid but may benefit from more concise and impactful details to enhance the reader's visualization.
  • The tension and suspense build-up in the scene could be heightened by focusing on the imminent threat posed by the Mangalores and Zorg.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the scene by focusing on a central conflict or goal that drives the characters' actions.
  • Work on smoother transitions between locations and characters to maintain coherence and clarity.
  • Trim down the dialogue to essential exchanges that drive the plot forward and reveal character motivations.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions by highlighting key elements that contribute to the atmosphere and tension of the scene.
  • Build up the suspense and urgency by emphasizing the imminent danger posed by the Mangalores and Zorg, creating a more engaging and impactful climax.



Scene 34 - Chaos at Fhloston Paradise
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. DIVA'S SUITE

The Mangalores have trashed the suite. One of the Mangalores
finally finds a case engraved with the four elements.
89.

MANGALORE
I have it.

The Mangalore is about to open the case when... Leeloo
descends quietly and gracefully from the ceiling. Time stands
still.

LEELOO
(smiling)
Apipoulai!

INT. CONCERT HALL

The Diva switches from classical music to funk, picking up
the tempo.

INTERCUT:

INT. DIVA'S SUITE / CONCERT HALL

A WARRIOR whips out the biggest knife ever made and rushes
Leeloo. She disarms him gracefully. A violent fight breaks
out. The Diva sings and Leeloo dances. The Mangalores pay
a heavy price for the show.

INT. CORRIDOR

Hearing noise from inside the suite, the Mangalore by the
door gets nervous. He runs for reinforcements.

INT. POLICE STATION

Cornelius enters the police station wearing handcuffs. The
Chief of Police is behind him holding a gun.

INT. DIVA'S SUITE / CONCERT HALL

Leeloo knocks out the last Mangalore just as the Diva finishes
her song to a burst of applause. The Diva takes a bow. So
does Leeloo.

INT. ROOM

Akanit and his men listen to the concert. The Mangalore guard
runs in.

MANGALORE
They were waiting for us! It was an
ambush!

AKANIT
If it's war they want it's war they'll
get! Enact the Final Plan!

All the Mangalores cock their weapons.
90.

INT. DIVA'S SUITE

Leeloo is about to open the case when the door EXPLODES.
Zorg is there holding a ZF1.

ZORG
My compliments, little lady! ...And
thanks for doing all the dirty work!
I couldn't have done it any better
myself!
(sharply)
...Now hand over the Stones!

Leeloo smiles and hands him the case. Zorg arms the ZF1 and
gets ready to kill her.

ZORG
Nice knowing you.

Leeloo catches on quickly. She kicks the scotch bottle on
the floor into the gun which throws Zorg's shot off. She
jumps to the ceiling and disappears in an air vent. Furious,
Zorg fires at the ceiling.

INT. AIRSHAFT

Leeloo dodges the bullets as best as she can.

INT. SUITE

Zorg fires his 3000 round clip. The ceiling looks like a
piece of swiss cheese. Zorg sticks a small cylinder in the
wall and flicks it on. The numbers flashing by tell us it's
a bomb. The timer reads: 19 minutes and 59 seconds.

ZORG
(with a crafty smile)
You can run but you can't hide...

INT. POLICE OFFICE - FHLOSTON PARADISE - NIGHT

Cornelius is seated opposite the Chief of Police. A MEDIC
is bandaging the chief's head. The door explodes. The cop
outside in riddled with bullets. A dozen Mangalores attack
the police office. Akanit is at their head. The policemen
are caught unaware.

AKANIT
Nobody move! We're taking over this
ship!

The Chief of Police is goggle-eyed. Cornelius leans toward
him.

CORNELIUS
(pleased with himself)
I told you...
91.

INT. CORRIDOR

Zorg has the case and exits the suite just as the general
alarm goes off.

He sighs in exasperation.

INT. CONCERT HALL

Three Mangalores suddenly rush into the opera hall shooting.

MANGALORE 1
Everyone down!

There is panic all around.

LOC RHOD
(broadcasting, panic
stricken)
Ladies and gentlemen, I think we're
being... attacked. The place is
crawling with warriors.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

President Lindberg and his generals look very worried.

INT. CONCERT HALL

Some security guards open fire one of the Mangalores is hit.
The others turn their guns on the cops. People scream, diving
for cover. Korben bides his time.

More Mangalores rush in from all around shooting. Two cops
are killed.

The Diva... takes a bullet.

She falls from the stage into Korben's arms. He lowers her
to the floor. Korben ignores the panic all around and wraps
her in his dinner jacket, trying to stop the blue blood
spurting from her wounds.

EXT./ INT. SPACE - AROUND FHLOSTON

Zorg's ZFX200 speeds away from the boat. Zorg is at the
controls, a devilish smile on his lips.

ZORG
You want something done, do it
yourself!

INT. CONCERT HALL

Fighting rages all around in the concert hall, but Korben is
oblivious to it. He sets the Diva's head delicately on the
floor. Loc Rhod is hidden nearby, still on the air.
92.

LOC RHOD
(voice low, panicked)
They're hideous. They've got a crest
on the head, the eyes of a toad and
fingers all over their hands. Totally
hideous!

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE.

MUNRO
(worried)
...Mangalores!

PRESIDENT
Send a battalion out immediately!
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Leeloo fends off the Mangalores, who have invaded Diva's suite and discovered the case containing the four elements. She fights gracefully, disarming a Warrior and dancing while the Diva sings. Zorg enters, demanding the Stones, but Leeloo tricks him and escapes. Meanwhile, the Mangalores attack the police station and concert hall, resulting in a shootout and the tragic death of the Diva.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
  • Engaging plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too intense for sensitive viewers
Critique
  • The scene transitions between multiple locations and characters quite abruptly, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The action sequences involving Leeloo and the Mangalores are exciting, but the pacing feels rushed and could benefit from more build-up and tension.
  • The dialogue lacks depth and emotional resonance, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters and their motivations.
  • The visual descriptions are sparse and could be enhanced to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict, resulting in a lack of narrative tension and direction.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the scene by focusing on one central location or conflict to improve clarity and coherence.
  • Develop the characters' motivations and relationships further through meaningful dialogue and interactions to engage the audience.
  • Add more descriptive details to enhance the visual elements and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Build up the tension and stakes gradually throughout the scene to create a more compelling and impactful climax.
  • Ensure that each action and plot point serves a clear purpose in advancing the overall narrative and character development.



Scene 35 - The Diva's Revelation
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. CONCERT HALL

KORBEN
(to the Diva)
I was sent by the government to help
you.

DIVA
Don't worry. This is my fate...
How was the concert?

Korben is a little surprised, but... the Diva is an artist.

KORBEN
I've never heard anything so beautiful
in my life.

A Mangalore jumps on them from the stage. Korben makes short
work of him and grabs his gun.

DIVA
(weak)
You're a good man... She was right
to have chosen you...

KORBEN
Who?

DIVA
The Fifth Element... The Supreme
Being... Your wife...

Korben is floored.

KORBEN
Leeloo... is... she's...

DIVA
Yes, and more than that... You must
give her the Stones, she's the only
one who knows how to use them.
93.

KORBEN
(to himself, suddenly
realizing)
...So Cornelius was telling the truth!

INT. POLICE STATION

The Mangalores tie up Cornelius and the Chief of Police
together.

CORNELIUS
(to the Chief of Police)
Of course I was telling you the
truth!... If you had listened to me
in the first place, we wouldn't be
in this predicament now!

INT. CONCERT HALL

Korben wastes two more Mangalores.

DIVA
She needs you. She needs your help
and your love. She's more fragile
than she seems...

Korben looks around, ready for another attack.

KORBEN
...Yeah, so am I.

The Diva takes his hand.

DIVA
She was taught to love the life of
others... but not her own. You have
to teach her to love if you want her
to truly live!

KORBEN
(uncomfortable)
I'll help her, I promise, but I think
you should tell me where the Stones
are!

DIVA
Do you love her?

KORBEN
I... I don't know! We hardly know
each other... it takes time!

DIVA
I don't have time... I need to know.
94.

KORBEN
Listen, the last time I admitted to
a woman I loved her ... I never saw
her again.

DIVA
I would like to have died in peace...

The Diva's eyes close.

INT. DIVA'S SUITE

The timer on Zorg's bomb clicks over to "15 minutes".

INT. CONCERT HALL

KORBEN
You tell me to save the world then
you go off and leave me in the shit!

He shakes her, gently slapping her cheeks.

KORBEN
Come on! You're not gonna die in
peace! You're not going to die at
all! You hear me? Where are the
Stones?

INT. SPACESHIP

Zorg sets the Sacred Case on a table in the cockpit. He
opens it with a complacent smile:

It's empty!

He cannot believe his eyes. He goes berserk, destroying
everything in sight.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Korben reveals his mission to protect Diva. Amidst the battle with Mangalores, Diva confesses Leeloo as the Fifth Element and Supreme Being, urging Korben's love and support for her. As tension with Zorg intensifies, the scene concludes with Diva's demise and the threat of an impending explosion.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional depth
  • Complex character dynamics
  • High-stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing for viewers unfamiliar with the film's universe
Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Korben and the Diva discussing important information to Korben fighting off Mangalores, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Korben and the Diva feels rushed and lacks emotional depth, especially considering the weight of the information being revealed.
  • The interaction between Korben and the Diva could benefit from more nuanced emotions and reactions to the revelations about Leeloo and the Stones.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven, with quick shifts between action and dialogue that may not allow for the necessary emotional impact to resonate with the audience.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues or actions to enhance the tension and drama of the moment, rather than relying solely on dialogue.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to allow for a smoother transition between the emotional conversation and the action sequence.
  • Add more depth to the dialogue between Korben and the Diva to convey the weight of the information being shared and the emotional impact on the characters.
  • Explore ways to build up the tension and suspense in the scene through visual cues, character reactions, and pacing to create a more engaging and impactful moment.
  • Provide more context or background information to help the audience understand the significance of the Stones and Leeloo's role as the Fifth Element.
  • Consider incorporating moments of introspection or reflection from Korben to convey his internal struggle and emotional journey in response to the revelations.



Scene 36 - Korben Retrieves the Stones
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. CONCERT HALL

Korben slaps the Diva soundly. She comes around somewhat.

KORBEN
I'm sorry, but... the Stones...

DIVA
(very weak)
They are... with me...

The Diva dies. Blue blood streams from her mouth. Korben
frisks the Diva but doesn't find anything. The shooting
slowly stops in the theatre. The Mangalores are now in total
control.

MANGALORE 2
Stay calm and nobody will get hurt!
Hands on your head and into the hall!
95.

The guests comply.

KORBEN
(to himself)
...The Stones are with me?

And then it occurs to him.

KORBEN
...In me?

He touches the Diva's stomach and senses something hard.
Girding himself, he sticks his hand in the wound and pulls
out a Sacred Stone. Then another. And another.

Korben pulls out all four Stones, covered in blue blood.
Everyone has left the theater.

The Mangalores check the aisles one by one.

Loc Rhod peeks out from under a seat.

LOC RHOD
Don't you think we'd better be going?

A Mangalore spots Korben kneeling alongside the Diva. He
grabs Korben by the shoulder and pokes him with his gun.

MANGALORE
Hey, you! With the others!

Korben spins and, in one swift motion, breaks his arm. Just
for starters. Another WARRIOR rushes over. Korben punches
him into oblivion and snatches the gun.

KORBEN
That's it... I've had... all day
people have been sticking guns in my
face...

Korben wraps up the four Stones in his shirt.

LOC RHOD
Korben man... These dudes are going
to waste us if we don't do what they
say.

Korben gives him the package and grabs his mike.

KORBEN
You don't do what I say... I'll waste
you myself. Got it?

LOC RHOD
Got it...
96.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

President Lindberg dabs his sweaty face with a towel.

INT. POLICE STATION

Akanit is still in the police station facing control screens.
He barks into a walkie-talkie.

AKANIT
What's the situation in the hall?
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Korben slaps the Diva, who dies revealing the Stones are in her. Korben retrieves the Stones from her stomach, and the Mangalores take control of the theater. Korben fights off the Mangalores and escapes with the Stones.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Revelation of crucial plot information
  • Emotional depth and character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters
Critique
  • The scene starts with a violent act of Korben slapping the Diva, which may come across as unnecessary and harsh. This action could be toned down or replaced with a more subtle gesture to convey the urgency of the situation.
  • The death of the Diva feels abrupt and lacks emotional depth. More emphasis could be placed on the significance of her passing, especially considering her role as the keeper of the Stones.
  • The discovery of the Stones inside the Diva's body is a gruesome and graphic image that may be too intense for some viewers. This moment could be handled with more sensitivity and tact to maintain the tone of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Korben and Loc Rhod feels forced and lacks natural flow. It could be rewritten to sound more authentic and in line with the characters' personalities.
  • The transition between the intense action of Korben fighting off the Mangalores and the scene shifting to President Lindberg and Akanit feels disjointed. A smoother transition could help maintain the momentum of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the opening of the scene to find a less aggressive way for Korben to convey his urgency without resorting to violence.
  • Add more emotional weight to the Diva's death to make it a more impactful moment in the scene.
  • Handle the discovery of the Stones with more subtlety and less graphic detail to maintain the tone of the scene.
  • Refine the dialogue between Korben and Loc Rhod to make it more natural and reflective of their characters.
  • Smooth out the transition between the intense action and the shift to President Lindberg and Akanit to improve the flow of the scene.



Scene 37 - Escape from the Police Station
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
INT. HALL

Hostages are being gathered in the middle of the hall. They
are surrounded by Mangalores who guard them.

MUGGER
(into walkie-talkie)
There's no more resistance.
Everything's under control.

Three Mangalores are suddenly blasted through the glass door
leading to the theater. Korben bursts into the hall, two
huge guns in his hands.

KORBEN
Everybody down!

Korben takes out two more WARRIORS coming towards him, rolls
behind a column.

Laser bullets stinging all around his head.

LOC RHOD
This is amazing! Korben, Korben
Dallas, the winner of the Gemini
Croquette contest just killed three
warriors like he was swatting flies...
Panic everywhere! Heavy firing fills
the hall.

ANGLE ON:

Roy von Bacon, the laserball player, rises from the floor
behind a Mangalore, grabs him and smashes his head into a
column, seizing the gun.

ANGLE ON:

Two Mangalores firing a huge machine gun at the column Korben
is using for cover.

He dives for cover behind the bar.
97.

ANGLE ON:

Two Mangalores watch awestruck. Roy whistles behind them.
The two Mangalores turn around. Roy bonks their heads
together.

LOC RHOD
It's Roy von Bacon, the Lions center
forward joining in the battle...

Someone taps Loc Rhod on the shoulder. He jumps with fright.

PRINCESS AACHEN
(hot to trot)
All this is terribly exciting, hmmm?

Loc Rhod covers his mike.

LOC RHOD
GET OFF MY BACK!

A Mangalore shoots in their direction. Loc Rhod flattens
himself on the floor. A vase falls on the Princess knocking
her out. A Mangalore loads some missiles in his gun and
destroys the bar piece by piece forcing Korben to move
forward. Korben motions to Baby Ray hiding under the pool
table.

KORBEN
Toss me the balls!

BABY RAY
(terrified, still
deaf)
What?

Another piece of the bar explodes.

KORBEN
The balls for Christ's sake!

Korben apes playing pool, but Baby Ray really is stone-deaf.

EMPEROR JAPHET
He wants the balls! You deaf or
something?

The EMPEROR rolls the balls over to Korben. The Mangalore
loads more missiles and shatters another part of the bar.
Korben hides behind the last bit left.

KORBEN
How far is he from here?

The EMPEROR glances at the Mangalore, who in reloading.
98.

EMPEROR
I'd say about thirty yards to the
left.

Korben hefts the ball, jumps up and hurls it with blinding
speed. The Mangalore catches it right in the head. He drops,
firing in the air. The missile strikes the ceiling which
collapses on him. The emperor gives Korben a thumb's up.

LOC RHOD
...And our man Korben has literally
knocked out the opposition with an
amazing 90 foot pitch.

The COPS on the floor rise, scoop up weapons from dead
Mangalores and lay down a line of fire at the last of the
fleeing rebels . Roy whirls his arm in victory.

FOG
Thanks for your help.

KORBEN
Forget it.

Korben grabs Loc Rhod and takes him with him.

INT. KORBEN'S SUITE

Korben bursts into the room. He stares at the luminous bar
still struck to the ground and sees the hole Leeloo escaped
through.

KORBEN
Leeloo???

INT. DIVA'S SUITE - CEILING

Leeloo in bleeding all over. She can barely move.

LEELOO
(feeble)
Kor... ban...

EXT. NEAR FHLOSTON

The ZFX 200 speeds back toward Fhloston Paradise.

INT. DIVA'S SUITE

The bomb timer now reads 10 minutes.

INT. POLICE STATION HALLWAY - FHLOSTON PARADISE

The last of the Mangalores have barricaded themselves in the
back of the station and shoot at anything that tries to enter.
Korben joins the policemen already there.
99.

COP 1
Hey, who are you?

KORBEN
The winner of the Gemini Croquette
contest.

Korben goes to the door and peeks around the corner. Loc
Rhod arrives.

KORBEN
Seven to the left. Five to the right.

COP
What's he doing?

Korben leans around the corner and fires rapidly.

KORBEN
Six to the left. One to the right.

LOC RHOD
He's on vacation.

KORBEN
(reloading)
We got to find the leader. Mangalores
don't fight without a leader.

INT. POLICE STATION

Akanit gets up, grabs Cornelius by the throat and put a gun
to his head.

AKANIT
One more shot and we start killing
hostages, got that?
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary Amidst chaos, Korben and Roy von Bacon engage in a fierce battle against Mangalores, liberating the hall. Korben retrieves the Elemental Balls and subdues the Mangalores. As the bomb timer dwindles, Korben and Loc Rhod escape. Leeloo lies injured, while Akanit threatens Cornelius in the police station hallway with Mangalores holding out against the police.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • High-stakes conflict resolution
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in supporting roles
  • Some dialogue feels generic in the midst of action
Critique
  • The scene is action-packed and filled with tension, which is engaging for the audience. However, the pacing could be improved to enhance the flow of the action sequences.
  • There are multiple characters and elements introduced in the scene, which can be overwhelming for the audience to keep track of. Streamlining the focus on key characters and their motivations could help clarify the narrative.
  • The dialogue is effective in conveying the urgency and chaos of the situation, but there is room for more character development and emotional depth in the interactions.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid and help create a clear picture of the scene, but there could be more attention to detail in setting the atmosphere and enhancing the visual impact of the action.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Akanit threatening hostages, which creates suspense and anticipation for the next development.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the action sequences to ensure they are coherent and impactful, focusing on key moments that drive the plot forward.
  • Simplify the introduction of characters and elements to avoid overwhelming the audience, prioritizing clarity and character development.
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the dialogue to create more engaging interactions between characters and convey their motivations effectively.
  • Add more descriptive details to enhance the visual impact of the scene and set the tone for the action sequences.
  • Continue building suspense and tension by resolving the cliffhanger with Akanit in a way that propels the narrative forward.



Scene 38 - Confrontation at the Palace
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. POLICE STATION HALLWAY

KORBEN
Found him...

AKANIT
(tense)
Send someone to negotiate!

KORBEN
Mind if I go? I'm an excellent
negotiator.

COP 1
Uh... Sure, go ahead.

Korben gets ready.
100.

COP 1
We're sending someone in who's
authorized to negotiate.

INT. POLICE STATION

Korben walks quickly into the room, heads straight for Akanit,
raises his gun and puts a bullet through his head.

KORBEN
Anyone else want to negotiate?

COP 2
(to another Cop)
Where'd he learn to negotiate like
that?

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

MUNRO
From us!

The President gives Munro a hard look.

INT. CONTROL ROOM

The police round up the remaining Mangalores. Korben is at
the control center screens trying to find Leeloo. Cornelius
comes over to him, embarrassed.

CORNELIUS
You're probably very angry with me
and I quite understand. But I want
you to know I'm fighting for a noble
cause.

KORBEN
Yeah, I know... to save the world...
but right now all I want to do is
save Leeloo.

CORNELIUS
Leeloo's in trouble?

KORBEN
When is she not in trouble?

CORNELIUS
Uh.. Have you tried the Diva's suite?

Korben realizes that Cornelius in probably right.

INT. FHLOSTON PARADISE - LANDING DOCK AND GARAGE

The ZFX200 settles in the landing dock garage. SECURITY
POLICE approach the ship just as Zorg in getting out holding
the ZF1.
101.

POLICEMAN
More trouble?

ZORG
Nothing I can't fix myself.

He brings up the ZF1 and wipes out the garage.

INT. DIVA'S SUITE

Korben enters the Diva's suite which is in shambles. He
looks everywhere, but finds nothing.

INT. AIRSHAFT

Leeloo lies in a pool of blood. She hears something below
her.

INT. DIVA'S SUITE

Exhausted, Loc Rhod wipes his forehead and finds himself
face to face with the bomb stuck on the wall.

Korben in busy looking for Leeloo.

KORBEN
(loudly)
Leeloo?

Up in the airshaft, Leeloo has heard him.

LEELOO
Korben...

Her voice is too weak, Korben can't hear her.

LOC RHOD
Korben man... what the hell is this?

Korben gives the bomb a prefunctory glance.

KORBEN
A molecular bomb. Three minutes
left on the timer.

LOC RHOD
(increasingly worried)
And, uh, what're these numbers
clicking by?

CORNELIUS
Probably the time remaining before
it explodes.

Cornelius smiles and continues his search.
102.

LOC RHOD
(weak smile)
You're just saying that to scare me!
Right? If it was a bomb, an alarm
would've gone off. There's bomb
detectors in all these hotels!

A general alarm goes off. Loc Rhod is crushed.

INT. MAIN HALL

The lights flicker.

VOICE (O.S.)
This is a Type A alert. For security
reasons the hotel must be evacuated.
Please proceed calmly to the lifeboats
located in the main hallways.

A wave of panic engulfs the hall. The cops are unable to
hold back the crowd as it stampedes to the exits.

INT. CORRIDOR

Zorg marches down the corridor shooting everyone in his path.

INT. DIVA'S SUITE

Loc Rhod stands paralyzed in front of the flashing timer.
Less than two minutes left.

LOC RHOD
Maybe we oughta be going, what do
you think?

KORBEN
Not without Leeloo.

Loc Rhod cannot take his eyes off the bomb.

LOC RHOD
Like D-Man, I hate to bother you but
uh, like, we're down to 2 minutes
here...

Korben breathes out, bothered. He turns his attention to
the bomb.

KORBEN
It's the latest model.. I've never
seen one before... it works off a
magnetic coded card... Let's see if
I can rig it up.
103.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Korben kills Akanit and searches for Leeloo with Cornelius. Loc Rhod finds a bomb in the Diva's suite. Zorg enters the main hall and shoots everyone in sight.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • High stakes
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel cliched or predictable
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition between Korben entering the room and shooting Akanit. It feels abrupt and could benefit from more build-up or tension leading to the moment of action.
  • The dialogue between Korben and the cops could be more dynamic and engaging. It feels a bit flat and could use more tension or conflict to make the negotiation scene more compelling.
  • The interaction between Korben and Cornelius in the control room feels rushed and lacks depth. There is an opportunity to explore their relationship and emotions more effectively in this critical moment.
  • The introduction of Zorg in the President's office and his subsequent actions in the landing dock and garage feel disconnected from the main action of Korben and Leeloo. The scene could benefit from better integration of these parallel storylines.
  • The tension and urgency of the bomb situation in the Diva's suite could be heightened. The countdown to the explosion should create more suspense and anxiety for the characters and the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more context or buildup to Korben's decision to shoot Akanit. This could involve more dialogue or internal conflict to make the moment more impactful.
  • Enhance the negotiation scene by adding more conflict or stakes. This could involve more resistance from Akanit or additional obstacles for Korben to overcome.
  • Develop the interaction between Korben and Cornelius to deepen their relationship and add emotional depth to the scene. This could involve exploring their motivations and fears more explicitly.
  • Integrate Zorg's actions more effectively into the main storyline to create a stronger connection between the different plot threads. This could involve overlapping events or thematic parallels between the characters.
  • Increase the tension and suspense surrounding the bomb situation in the Diva's suite. This could be achieved through tighter pacing, more visual cues of the countdown, and heightened reactions from the characters.



Scene 39 - Escape from Fhloston Paradise
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. AIRSHAFT

Leeloo sticks her fingers out one of the bullet holes and
lets some of her blood drip down.

The blood splats on Korben's hand. He snaps his head up and
knows immediately who is up there. He forgets about the
bomb.

LOC RHOD
Hey! What are you doing? The bomb!

Korben drags the desk over, jumps on it and pokes his head
in the torn up airshaft He spots Leeloo who gives him a weak
smile.

KORBEN
Don't worry, I'm here now!

He pulls her toward him, helps her out of the shaft and
stretches her out on the desk.

KORBEN
Just relax. I've got the Stones.
Everything's going to be fine.

30 seconds left on the timer.

LOC RHOD
(falling to pieces)
Like Korben, can I have 30 seconds
of your time here?

KORBEN
(to Leeloo)
I'll be right back.

Korben dashes over to the bomb. He is stopped by the barrel
of the ZF1. Zorg, in person, holding a magnetic card.

ZORG
(smiling)
Allow me...

Zorg slips a small magnetic card in the bomb, it starts to
count down from 5 minutes.

ZORG
Just for the fun of it.

Loc Rhod faints.

ZORG
Well, what do we have here? Is this
Korben Dallas? The famous winner of
the Gemini Croquette contest?
104.

ZORG
Or is this Korben Dallas from Special
Section sent by old Lindberg himself.

Korben doesn't reply.

ZORG
...In any event, whoever you are, I
was glad to meet you.

Zorg fires at Korben who figures he is dead. Nothing. Zorg
tries again. Nada. The clip is empty. Zorg starts to panic.

ZORG
...A 3000 round clip! I didn't fire
off 3000 rounds... did I?

KORBEN
Don't you know how to count. It's
not all that hard. Watch!

Korben punches him square in the face, shows him his index.

KORBEN
One! That's for trying to kill me!

Second Punch.

KORBEN
Two! That's for firing me! Three!
That's for pushing around a priest!
And the rest is for what you did to
my wife!

Korben pummels him mercilessly.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

President Lindberg prefers closing his eyes. Munro's
shoulders move as if he were beating on Zorg.

INT. DIVA'S SUITE

Zorg falls to the floor, beaten to a pulp. The timer clicks
over to 3 minutes.

KORBEN
We're outta here!

He picks Leeloo up in his arms.

Cornelius grabs Loc Rhod and gives him a resounding slap.

LOC RHOD
Are you nuts, Father? That hurts! I
can't feel my teeth.
105.

CORNELIUS
Doesn't matter all you need are your
legs.

EXT. FHLOSTON PARADISE - NIGHT

The lifeboats launch from the hotel and fly out into space.

INT. FHLOSTON PARADISE - LANDING DOCK GARAGE

Korben, carrying Leeloo, Cornelius and Loc Rhod are in the
garage.

VOICE (O.S.)
Two minutes to complete evacuation...

Korben bursts the lock on the first ship he finds and enters
followed by Cornelius and Loc Rhod. The ZFX200.

INT. DIVA'S SUITE

Zorg starts to come around.

INT. ZFX

Korben sets Leeloo down.

INT. DIVA'S SUITE

Zorg picks up his ZF1, unaware of the bomb and the countdown.

ZORG
I didn't fire three thousand rounds...

INT. ZFX2O0 COCKPIT

VOICE (O.S.)
One minute to total evacuation...

LOC RHOD
You know how to fly this thing?

KORBEN
(concentrating)
It's like a cab isn't it?

VOICE
30 seconds...

KORBEN
Anyone know how to release the lines
on this crate?

INT. DIVA'S SUITE

Zorg is busy with the ZF1 when the bomb starts to BEEP
signaling the last ten seconds.
106.

Zorg is terror stricken. He pushes a button and holds the
ZF1 over his head.

ZORG
(loudly)
Maximum Protection.

A mauve-colored magnetic shield closes around Zorg like an
indestructible sarcophagus.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary Leeloo escapes the bomb shelter through an airshaft and Korben comes to her aid. Zorg resets the bomb, but Korben defeats him in a fight. They escape in the ZFX200 spaceship with just minutes to spare.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • High tension and suspense
  • Character dynamics and development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Certain character actions may feel predictable
Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the characters' motivations and actions. It's not clear why Korben forgets about the bomb when he sees Leeloo, and the transition between his focus on the bomb and his interaction with Leeloo is abrupt.
  • The dialogue between Korben and Zorg feels forced and cliched, with Zorg's lines coming off as typical villainous taunts. The dialogue could be more nuanced and reflective of the characters' personalities.
  • The action sequences are described in a rushed and chaotic manner, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the scene clearly. There is a lack of detail in the physical movements and interactions between the characters.
  • The emotional beats of the scene, such as Korben's realization about Leeloo and his confrontation with Zorg, could be more impactful with deeper exploration of the characters' emotions and motivations.
  • The resolution of the conflict with Zorg and the bomb feels rushed and anticlimactic. There is a lack of tension and suspense leading up to the final moments of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context and background information to explain the characters' actions and decisions. This will help the audience understand the characters' motivations better.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities. Avoid cliched lines and focus on creating unique voices for each character.
  • Slow down the pacing of the action sequences and provide more detailed descriptions of the characters' movements and interactions. This will help create a clearer visual image for the reader.
  • Focus on building the emotional depth of the scene by delving into the characters' internal struggles and conflicts. Show their vulnerabilities and fears to make the scene more engaging.
  • Build up the tension and suspense leading to the climax of the scene. Create a sense of urgency and danger to keep the audience on the edge of their seats.



Scene 40 - Aftermath and Contact
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. ZFX200 COCKPIT

Cornelius and Loc Rhod are bent over the buttons looking for
a way to release the lines.

VOICE (O.S.)
6... 5...

KORBEN
Found it?

Loc Rhod searches frantically.

LOC RHOD
I don't even know what I'm looking
for!

KORBEN
Fuck it! Hold tight!

Korben slams the throttle into full forward. The ship roars
away ripping the lines to shreds.

Loc Rhod is thrown to the rear of the ship.

CUT TO:

The counter goes 1... 0

- The suite disintegrates - The corridor is consumed.

- The main hall is no more.

EXT. FHLOSTON PARADISE

The ZFX200 jets away as the enormous oceanliner explodes
behind it.

INT. ZFX

The ship stops shaking. That was a close one. Everyone's
relieved.

KORBEN
Solid little jobs, aren't they?
107.

LOC RHOD
(broadcasting,
exhausted)
Dear listeners, your favorite DJ is
alive and kicking. It's seven o'clock
and time for the news. Tune in
tomorrow for another adventure.

VOCODER (O.S.)
Beep. End of transmission.

Loc Rhod lets out a huge sigh.

LOC RHOD
(to the others)
The best show I ever did!

EXT. PLANET FHLOSTON

A magnetic sarcophagus crosses the Fhloston sky and crashes
into a glacier.

EXT. FHLOSTON

Zorg appears in the middle of the ice. He takes a portable
phone out of the ZF1.

ZORG
How's that? Can you hear me better
now?

SECRETARY (O.S.)
Yes, Mr. Zorg, I hear you perfectly!
So, how was the concert?

ZORG
Who gives a shit! I didn't come
here to listen to music! Listen up
instead of running off at the mouth!
The batteries on my phone are almost
gone.

SECRETARY (O.S.)
Yes, Sir!

ZORG
Dispatch me another ZFX200
immediately. Someone stole mine.

SECRETARY (O.S.)
Right away, Sir. I'll send you a new
one to the hotel.

ZORG
I'm not at the hotel! Hello?...
108.

BEEPER (O.S.)
Battery dead.

Zorg is all alone, lost, in the middle of the glacier.

ZORG
(to himself)
Stay calm.... stay calm...

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

General Munro enters the office with a smile.

MUNRO
Major Dallas has the Five Elements
on board. The priest is guiding them
directly to the temple.

President Lindberg closes his eyes in relief.

PRESIDENT
Thank God! We've been saved!

A SCIENTIST rushes in.

SCIENTIST
Mr. President.

PRESIDENT
Yes? Now, what?

EXT. SPACE

A ball of fire, all-powerful Evil, speeds across the screen
with three Federal Army warships following along behind it
as best they can.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

PRESIDENT
What do you mean, "it's advancing"?!

INT. COCKPIT - FEDERATED WARSHIP

COMMANDER
It's not only advancing, but it's
moving at incredible speed! We're
having trouble following it.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

PRESIDENT
(to Scientist)
...And... Do you have any idea where
it's heading?

The scientist is hard to put to answer, he shakes his head.
109.

INT. ZFX200 COCKPIT - NIGHT

Korben gently wipes Leeloo's forehead with a cloth. She
opens her eyes a little.

KORBEN
(gentle, loving)
Apipoulai..

Leeloo smiles, weakly, feverish.

LEELOO
I'm so very sad.

KORBEN
Why? We did pretty well, wouldn't
you say?

LEELOO
Five hundred wars... Arms... Drugs...
Money... Everything you create is
used to destroy...

KORBEN
I told you not to read all that crap!

LEELOO
Protect life... Until death.

Her eyes close and she falls back asleep. Korben is worried.
She seems so depressed.

Cornelius enters.

CORNELIUS
There's a General on the phone...
His name's Mambo, I think.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary After their life-threatening escape from Fhloston Paradise, Korben, Leeloo, Cornelius, and Loc Rhod find themselves aboard the ZFX200. Loc Rhod shares the news of their survival on his radio show as Cornelius notifies Korben of a call from General Mambo. Korben comforts Leeloo, who remains distressed and remorseful about humanity's destructive actions. The scene concludes with the revelation of General Mambo's communication, hinting at impending challenges.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel cliched or melodramatic at times
Critique
  • The scene lacks clear transitions between different locations and events, making it feel disjointed and confusing for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Korben and Loc Rhod feels rushed and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to explore their relationship further.
  • The action sequences are described in a straightforward manner without much detail or excitement, diminishing the impact of the high-stakes moments.
  • The emotional depth of Leeloo's character is not fully explored, with her dialogue feeling somewhat cliched and lacking in complexity.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension, failing to fully engage the audience in the life-threatening situation faced by the characters.
Suggestions
  • Add more descriptive language to enhance the action sequences and create a sense of excitement and tension.
  • Develop the dialogue between Korben and Loc Rhod to deepen their relationship and add emotional depth to the scene.
  • Provide clearer transitions between different locations and events to improve the flow and coherence of the scene.
  • Explore Leeloo's character in more depth, giving her more nuanced dialogue and emotional complexity to make her more relatable and engaging.
  • Increase the sense of urgency and tension in the scene by emphasizing the life-threatening situation faced by the characters and heightening the stakes.



Scene 41 - The Earth's Last Hope
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

MUNRO
Munro here. President Lindberg wants
to talk to you. Hold the line.

The President clears his throat and takes the phone.

PRESIDENT
Major, first off, I want to thank
you, in my name and in the name of
the Federation...

INT. ZFX200 / PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

PRESIDENT (O.S.)
For the praiseworthy courage you
have shown us!
110.

PRESIDENT (O.S.)
I'd like to congratulate General
Munro for his choice. He found the
ideal man for such a...

KORBEN
(to the point)
So now what's the problem?

The President drops into his armchair and sighs.

PRESIDENT
There's a ball of fire 1,200 miles
in diameter heading straight for the
earth. And we have no idea how to
stop it! ...That's the problem.

Korben thinks fast. The Priest is with him. The Five
Elements are on board.

KORBEN
How much time before the collision?

The President queries the scientist with a nod of the head.

SCIENTIST
If its speed remains constant... in
an hour and 57 minutes.

KORBEN (O.S.)
I'll call you back in two hours.

Korben hangs up. The President looks stunned.

EXT. SPACE

The ZFX200 shifts to the speed of light and vanishes in the
star-studded cosmos.

INT. CHAPEL

David is asleep. He is woken by the sound of...

EXT. DESERT - DAWN

The ZFX200 is parked in the middle of the desert.

Korben walks ahead carrying Leeloo. Cornelius has the four
Stones with him.

Barely awake, Loc Rhod stumbles along. David appears at the
door of the chapel.

DAVID
You're all safe. Thanks be to God!
111.

CORNELIUS
Later, David! Later! There's not a
minute to lose!

The small group enters the chapel.

INT. CHAPEL

Cornelius pushes the group onto the altar which is surrounded
by a wooden barrier.

Cornelius stands in front of the cross.

KORBEN
Excuse me, Father, but... could we
pray later?

Cornelius bends the cross and pushes it down. A mechanism
is set off lowering the altar like a service elevator.

The altar descends amid rocky walls.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

MUNRO
They just landed in the desert.

PRESIDENT
(sweating)
How much time is left?

EXT. SPACE

Earth is in view. The Dark Planet fills the screen and heads
for the blue planet.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

SCIENTIST
About nine minutes.

President Lindberg has trouble breathing.

INT. TEMPLE

Lit by torches, Korben sets Leeloo delicately on the altar
in the exact center of the four elements. Cornelius looks
over the four Stones every which way.

CORNELIUS
(panic-stricken)
Uh, this one... must be water!

It's obvious he doesn't know where to put it.
112.

KORBEN
Don't tell me you don't know how all
this works?

CORNELIUS
Theoretically, yes! The four Stones
form the beam and the Fifth Element
is supposed to stand in the middle
there, but... I don't have the
reference book. I've never seen the
Stones work!

Korben can't believe his ears. He tears the Stone out of
Cornelius' hand and studies the inscriptions. He goes over
to one of the four bases the stones rest on and tries to
figure it out. The symbol of air is on the Stone, the same
as on the base.

KORBEN
Match the symbols!

Korben places the first Stone and picks up another one.
Cornelius has found the symbol for water. Loc Rhod sits
down. He is very tired.

LOC RHOD
What is this some kinda game? Like
chess?

Korben pulls him to his feet and sticks a Stone in his hands.

KORBEN
No. It's much simpler. If we don't
figure out where these Stones go in
five minutes, we're all dead! Think
you got it?

Loc Rhod's got it and runs over to put in his Stone. The
four Stones are all in place but nothing happens.

KORBEN
There's no light! You told me there
were supposed to be four beams of
light.

CORNELIUS
(lost)
Yes, of course, but... The Stones
are shut! They have to be open for
it to work.

KORBEN
And you don't know how they open, is
that what you are saying?

CORNELIUS
That's what I'm saying.
113.

EXT. SPACE

The Dark Planet closes in on Earth rapidly.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary As a celestial body threatens to collide with Earth, Major Korben and a team of experts race against time to find a solution. They must activate the elemental Stones and the Fifth Element to protect the planet. With limited knowledge and time running out, they face an uncertain fate as Earth's fate hangs in the balance.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Urgency
  • Teamwork dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
Critique
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the imminent danger of a massive ball of fire heading towards Earth.
  • The dialogue between the President and Korben feels a bit rushed and lacks depth, especially when discussing such a critical situation.
  • The transition between different locations and characters is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth and character development in this crucial moment, which could have added more impact to the scene.
  • The explanation of how to activate the Stones and the Fifth Element feels rushed and could be more detailed to enhance the audience's understanding.
Suggestions
  • Add more emotional depth to the President's conversation with Korben to convey the gravity of the situation.
  • Build up the tension and urgency by incorporating more suspenseful elements and reactions from the characters.
  • Consider adding a sense of teamwork and collaboration among the characters to emphasize the importance of their mission.
  • Provide a clearer explanation of how the Stones and the Fifth Element work together to activate the protective beam.
  • Enhance the pacing of the scene by refining the transitions between different locations and characters for a smoother narrative flow.



Scene 42 - The Stones of Power
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
INT. CHAPEL

Korben leans over Leeloo.

KORBEN
Leeloo? The Stones! We have to open
them! How does it work?

LEELOO
(feeble)
The wind blows... the fire burns...

KORBEN
I know all that, Leeloo! I'm talking
about the Stones.

LEELOO
...The rain falls...

Korben is desperate. Leeloo's too weak, he won't get anything
more out of her.

He darts over to a Stone and turns it over and over.

KORBEN
The rain falls... the wind blows?

Loc Rhod stands in front of his Stone looking at Korben.

KORBEN
Try and figure out how this fucking
thing opens, instead of staring at
me like that!

Loc Rhod starts feeling the Stone all around.

LOC RHOD
(afraid)
I'm looking, I'm looking.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

The tension is palpable in the President's office.

SCIENTIST
...Three minutes.

MUNRO
We've lost contact with them.
114.

INT. CHAPEL

Korben and Cornelius turn the Stones every which way. All
to no avai1. Loc Rhod is discouraged.

LOC RHOD
...we'll never make it.

He sighs. Three hooks pop off the Stone. Loc Rhod can't
believe his eyes.

LOC RHOD
It... it moved! Korben! Korben!

Korben rushes over, looks at the Stone. Hooks are undone.

KORBEN
What did you say? What did you do?

LOC RHOD
Nothing! Swear to God, I didn't do
nothing!

KORBEN
Look, you did something that set it
off. Try to remember. Concentrate.
Tell me exactly what you did!!

Loc Rhod tries to duplicate the same movement.

LOC RHOD
I was like this... With my hands
here and... I said, "We'll never
make it!" That's all!

Nothing happens.

KORBEN
Is that all?

LOC RHOD
Yeah... then I sighed... like this.

Loc Rhod sighs, really depressed this time. The Stone opens
even more.

Korben's got it.

KORBEN
The wind! The wind blows...

Korben blows on the Stone which immediately opens revealing
a patch of blue sky with some miniature clouds floating around
inside. A yellow beam pops up like a ray of sunlight, like
Korben's smile.
115.

KORBEN
Quickly, everyone on a Stone!
Water for water! Fire for fire!
Earth for earth!

The two men move fast. Korben on the 4th Stone: Earth. He
grabs a fistful of earth and throws it on the Stone. A
miniature patch of green appears and immediately forms a
green beam. Cornelius wipes his forehead with a scarf and
wrings it out over the Stone. It opens revealing a patch of
miniature raging sea. A blue beam appears.

Loc Rhod has a problem.

LOC RHOD
(shaking)
I don't have a light. I stopped
smoking last week! If we'd come a
bit sooner...

Korben pats his pockets, he comes up with a box of matches.
There's only one left.

KORBEN
Don't breathe.

Loc Rhod and Cornelius hold their breath. Korben strikes
the match. A small flame appears on the tip. A breeze goes
through the room. Korben feels like he's got TNT in his
hands. He approaches the flame to the Stone. The flame
twists, dims, flickers ...but holds on. The Stone opens. A
patch of miniature fire appears. Korben sighs, snuffs out
the match. The fourth beam, a red one, immediately forms.

EXT. SPACE

A mass of fire fills the screen. The Earth is only a thousand
miles away.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

SCIENTIST
Two more minutes.

The President shuts his eyes. His lids move in prayer.

INT. CHAPEL

Korben helps Leeloo onto her feet where the four beams and
four colors crisscross.

KORBEN
It's up to you now, Angel!

LEELOO
I'm so tired...
116.

KORBEN
You can sleep tomorrow... come on...

LEELOO
I want to sleep... forever...

KORBEN
Leeloo! Listen to me! I'll take you
on a vacation afterwards! A real
vacation, this time, for as long as
you want. Come on! You can do it!

Korben slowly releases Leeloo and steps back from the altar.

Leeloo can barely stand in the center of the four beams.

An indistinct white beam begins to form around her, starts
to rise.

CORNELIUS
Come on Leeloo! Come on!

The beam loses its intensity. Leeloo crumples to the floor.

EXT. SPACE

The Dark Planet hurtles toward Earth. A hundred miles before
impact. The African continent is visible. No doubt about
it:

The fireball is heading right for Egypt.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Adventure"]

Summary Korben and Loc Rhod struggle to find a way to unlock the Stones of Power, which are necessary to stop the Dark Planet from destroying Earth. Leeloo attempts to activate the fifth Stone but collapses from exhaustion, leaving the team in a desperate race against time.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Effective teamwork dynamics
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
Critique
  • The scene is intense and suspenseful, with a sense of urgency and desperation as Korben and the others try to open the Stones to activate the protective beam.
  • There is a good use of tension and conflict as the characters struggle to figure out how to open the Stones before the impending collision with the Dark Planet.
  • The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency of the situation and the characters' desperation to find a solution.
  • The visual descriptions help create a vivid image of the scene, especially the moment when the Stones open and reveal the beams of light.
  • The emotional moments between Korben and Leeloo add depth to the scene and show the stakes involved in preventing Earth's destruction.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for the characters to further enhance the intensity of the scene.
  • Provide more background information or context on the Stones and their significance to help the audience understand their importance.
  • Explore different ways to build suspense and tension throughout the scene, such as adding obstacles or complications in opening the Stones.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the moment, such as describing the sounds or smells in the chapel.
  • Ensure a clear resolution or cliffhanger at the end of the scene to keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.



Scene 43 - Sacrifice and Salvation: Earth's Destiny
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

Seconds tick away relentlessly on the scientist's stopwatch.

SCIENTIST
It'll be entering the atmosphere in
one minute.

INT. CHAPEL

The heat in the temple is unbearable. All the walls start
to ooze the same horrible black slimy liquid seen at Zorg's.
A drop of liquid falls to the temple floor and begins to
smoke, eating away at it like acid. Loc Rhod has to dodge
another drop of the stuff.

Korben quickly straightens Leeloo up and puts her back in
the center of the beams.

KORBEN
Leeloo! If you don't get on with
the program we're all gonna die!
And that's not on my agenda for today.

Leeloo wraps her arms around Korben's neck.
117.

LEELOO
(weak)
What's the use of saving lives...
when you see what you do with them!

KORBEN
You're right but there are lots of
good things... beautiful things...

LEELOO
...Like love...

KORBEN
Exactly.

LEELOO
But I don't know love... I'm like a
machine programmed to save other
people's lives but never to have one
of my own.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

The Scientist's stopwatch goes from 30 to 29 seconds.

INT. CHAPEL

LEELOO
I have thousands of memories but
none of them are mine... There is no
need for me other than this. I'm
immortal but I have no life.

KORBEN
Yes, you do! I need you. More than
you can imagine! Stand up straight!

LEELOO
Why?... Why would you need me?

KORBEN
Because...

CORNELIUS
(to himself)
Tell her, for God's sake!

A bit of the black acid falls on Loc Rhod's shirt setting it
on fire. He rips if off.

CUT TO:

INT. CHAPEL

KORBEN
Because...
118.

Leeloo has tears in her eyes. The heat is overpowering.
Black acid is everywhere.

LEELOO
Tell me...

KORBEN
I love you...

Despite her fatigue, Leeloo smiles broadly.

CUT TO:

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

The stopwatch goes from 3 to 2.

INT. CHAPEL

LEELOO
Now you're allowed to kiss me.

- Korben wraps his arms around her and kisses her like he's
never kissed anybody before. - The white beam, the Divine
Light, immediately forms around Leeloo and Korben. - The
stopwatch hits zero. - The Absolute Beam explodes from the
top of the pyramid and heads straight into the sky zapping
the fireball smack in the middle, slowing it down. Korben
and Leeloo kiss like there was no tomorrow.

- The beam hardens and slowly solidifies the Evil Planet.
Inaudible screeches escape from the dying planet. Screeches
of terrifying pain as if a million souls were dying.

- Streams of black acid spurt from the pyramid and solidify
like brilliant stalactites.

EXT. SPACE

The pure beam, the Light of Life, has finished its work.
The Dark Planet nothing more than a dead planet.

Strangely enough, it looks like the moon. Everything is
calm around it.

INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE

President Lindberg opens his eyes and realizes he's not dead-

SCIENTIST
The planet seems to have stopped
at... 62 miles from impact.

INT. CHAPEL

In the temple, the beam loses its intensity. But Leeloo and
Korben remain stuck together, lost in their kiss.
119.

Cornelius has dropped to his knees, clutching his hands.

Loc Rhod slips along the wall with a sigh. He gives Cornelius
a knowing smile.

LOC RHOD
This guy is a killer with the babes.
I knew it from the moment I laid
eyes on him.

Cornelius and Loc Rhod burst out laughing. Korben and Leeloo
keep on kissing.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Romance"]

Summary As the Dark Planet approaches Earth, Leeloo and Korben share a poignant moment. The Divine Light beam emerges, solidifying the Evil Planet and saving Earth. Within the chaos, Cornelius and Loc Rhod find solace in a shared laugh.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Romantic tension
  • High stakes
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Predictable resolution
Critique
  • The scene is emotionally charged and climactic, with the characters facing the imminent danger of the Dark Planet hurtling towards Earth.
  • The dialogue between Korben and Leeloo is heartfelt and impactful, showcasing their emotional connection and the depth of their relationship.
  • The use of the black acid as a visual element adds to the sense of urgency and impending doom in the scene.
  • The resolution of the conflict through the activation of the protective beam is satisfying, but the buildup to this moment could be further developed.
  • There is a strong sense of sacrifice and love portrayed in the scene, but the transition from Leeloo's despair to Korben's declaration of love could be smoother.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Leeloo to enhance her emotional journey and the impact of her realization about love.
  • Provide more context or backstory to deepen the audience's understanding of Leeloo's programmed nature and her struggle to find her own identity.
  • Explore the consequences of activating the protective beam further, both in terms of the characters' emotions and the aftermath of saving Earth.
  • Work on the pacing of the scene to build tension effectively leading up to the activation of the protective beam.
  • Consider incorporating visual cues or symbolism to enhance the themes of sacrifice, love, and the battle against evil in the scene.



Scene 44 - The President's Visit
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
INT. LABORATORY

We are in the Nucleological Laboratory that gave birth to
Leeloo in the beginning of our story. The President enters
the lab followed by a group of officials in ceremonial dress.

MUNRO
Mr. President, let me introduce you
to Professor Mactilburgh, who runs
the center.

MACTILBURGH
It's an honor to receive you. Mr.
President.

PRESIDENT
(beaming)
Yes.. Well? Where are our two heroes?

MACTILBURGH
They were so tired from their ordeal
that we put them in the reactor this
morning...

PRESIDENT
I have 19 more meetings after this
one Professor..

PROFESSOR
Of course.. Let me see if they're
revived.

AIDE
We go live in one minute, Mr.
President.

Mactilburgh goes to the reactor and opens a small slot which
allows him to see what is going on under the blue shield.

Leeloo and Korben are naked, arms wrapped around each other,
kissing and probably engaged in hoppi hoppa.

Mactilburgh looks troubled.
120.

MACTILBURGH
I... uh... they need five more
minutes, Mr. President.

The President, pressed for time, looks over to his aide who
is struggling with a phone call.

AIDE
No ma'am... I tried... No ma'am...

PRESIDENT
Who is it?

AIDE
Some woman... claims she's Korben's
mother...

PRESIDENT
Give it here...

The President takes the phone and goes to the window.

PRESIDENT
Mrs. Dallas, this in the President.
On behalf of the entire Federation,
I would like to thank...

MOTHER (V.O.)
Don't pull that crap with me,
Finger... I'd recognize that trash
can voice of yours in a dark alley
during a rain storm. You tell that
worthless no account son of mine he
should plotz for the way he's ignored
his mother... when I think of all I
sacrificed for him...

EXT. NEW YORK

Outside the lab we see the President through the window,
holding the phone away from his ear.

PAN slowly across Manhattan.

Credits Roll as TWO full rising silver moons ascend in the
dark blue sky.

THE END
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Action","Romance","Adventure"]

Summary President Finger visits the laboratory where Leeloo was created, eager to see the heroes Korben and Leeloo, but they are still recovering. Despite being pressed for time, the President is informed that they need five more minutes, causing frustration. Meanwhile, a phone call from Korben's mother adds tension, as she scolds the President for ignoring her and her son.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional depth
  • Revelations and twists
  • High stakes and urgency
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing for viewers unfamiliar with the sci-fi genre
  • Complex plot may require multiple viewings to fully grasp
Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution to the impending crisis of the Dark Planet hurtling towards Earth, leaving the audience hanging in terms of the outcome.
  • The transition from the intense climax of activating the Stones to a more lighthearted and comedic scene in the laboratory feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The focus on the President's impatience and the phone call from Korben's mother detracts from the urgency of the situation with the Dark Planet, diluting the tension and stakes of the scene.
  • The visual of Leeloo and Korben engaged in an intimate moment under the blue shield in the reactor may come across as unnecessary and distracting from the main plot.
  • The dialogue between the President and Korben's mother feels out of place in the context of the impending crisis, diminishing the gravity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to provide a more conclusive resolution to the Dark Planet crisis, ensuring that the audience understands the outcome and impact of the characters' actions.
  • Maintain a consistent tone throughout the scene to keep the focus on the central conflict and avoid unnecessary distractions or comedic elements.
  • Streamline the dialogue and interactions to heighten the tension and urgency of the situation, emphasizing the stakes involved in preventing Earth's destruction.
  • Revisit the visual elements to ensure they align with the tone and narrative of the scene, avoiding any distractions or tonal shifts that may detract from the main storyline.
  • Focus on the core conflict and emotional beats of the scene, prioritizing the resolution of the Dark Planet crisis and the characters' reactions to the imminent danger.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

general staedert

General Staedert is a calm, composed, and decisive military leader who faces the return of Evil with determination and focus. He speaks with authority and confidence, using concise and direct language to convey his orders and decisions. As the story progresses, he becomes more pragmatic and willing to take risks to protect his people, while still maintaining his stoic demeanor.



president

The President is a decisive and authoritative leader who values action over contemplation. He takes the safety of his people seriously and is willing to make tough decisions, even if they involve high risks. He listens to different viewpoints but ultimately trusts his instincts. He speaks with authority and confidence, commanding respect from those around him. His dialogue is direct and to the point, reflecting his no-nonsense approach to governance.



korben dallas

Korben Dallas is a former space fighter pilot turned cab driver who is rugged, charming, and sarcastic. He has a strong sense of duty and a protective nature, which is evident in his interactions with Leeloo. Korben is loyal to his friends, values honesty and integrity, and holds onto hope for finding true love. He is resourceful, quick-witted, and brave, with a tendency to use humor to navigate tense situations. His speaking style is casual, confident, and direct, with a touch of vulnerability beneath his tough exterior.



cornelius

Cornelius is a wise and knowledgeable priest who believes in ancient prophecies and the power of good over evil. He is cautious and thoughtful, with a deep understanding of the universe's mysteries. Cornelius is determined to protect life at all costs. He speaks with a calm and measured tone, conveying wisdom and insight in his words. He is persuasive and articulate, using logic and reason to support his beliefs. Cornelius is eccentric, passionate, and slightly quirky, with a deep sense of responsibility. His speaking style is formal yet passionate, with a touch of urgency and reverence. He is knowledgeable but somewhat flustered in high-pressure situations, struggling to remember details but remains supportive and dedicated to the mission.



korben

Korben is a reluctant hero with a strong sense of duty and a protective instinct. He is compassionate, pragmatic, sarcastic, and brave, showcasing leadership, quick thinking, and a willingness to sacrifice for the greater good. Korben's speaking style is direct, assertive, and practical, with a touch of humor and vulnerability in tense situations.



leeloo

Leeloo is a mysterious and powerful being, embodying the Fifth Element and the Supreme Being. She is enigmatic, vulnerable, and determined, displaying a mix of innocence, curiosity, and fierce loyalty. Leeloo's speaking style is direct, emotional, and poetic, reflecting her unique perspective on humanity and the world. She is quick to adapt, empathetic, and eager to understand human emotions and relationships.



zorg

Zorg is a manipulative, cunning, and ruthless arms dealer driven by his desire for power and control. He is charismatic yet sinister, with a sharp and calculated speaking style that reflects his manipulative nature. Zorg is willing to use deception, violence, and manipulation to achieve his goals, making him a formidable adversary. His interactions with others reveal his dark sense of humor, confidence, and willingness to take risks to further his own agenda.



loc rhod

Loc Rhod is a flamboyant and charismatic DJ who thrives on attention and admiration. He is energetic, talkative, and comedic, providing humor and levity in tense situations. While he can be self-absorbed and cowardly, he ultimately shows moments of bravery and loyalty. His speaking style is theatrical, exaggerated, and filled with humor and sarcasm.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
general staedert General Staedert starts off as a strict and no-nonsense leader, but as he faces greater challenges and threats, he learns to adapt and take risks for the greater good. He goes from being solely focused on the mission at hand to considering the well-being of his people and the bigger picture. The character arc for General Staedert is well-developed, but it could benefit from more internal conflict and emotional depth. Adding moments of vulnerability or doubt could make his transformation more impactful and relatable to the audience. To improve the character arc, consider adding scenes where General Staedert grapples with the moral implications of his decisions or struggles with the weight of his responsibilities. This will add layers to his character and make his growth more compelling.
president The President starts off as a pragmatic leader focused on protecting his people and making tough decisions. As the story progresses, he is faced with a difficult decision regarding the strange planet and must weigh the advice of his advisors against the potential risks. Through his interactions with Cornelius and his determination to retrieve the Stones, he showcases leadership qualities and a sense of urgency. By the end of the screenplay, the President learns to balance his decisive nature with a willingness to listen to alternative perspectives, ultimately becoming a more well-rounded and effective leader. The character arc for the President is well-developed, showing growth and development throughout the screenplay. However, it could benefit from more internal conflict or moments of vulnerability to make the character more relatable and dynamic. Additionally, adding a subplot or personal stakes for the President could further enhance the depth of his character. To improve the character arc, consider incorporating moments where the President struggles with his decisions or faces internal conflict. This could add depth to his character and make his journey more compelling for the audience. Additionally, introducing a personal stake or subplot for the President could provide a more emotional connection for the audience and further develop his character arc.
korben dallas Korben Dallas starts off as a reluctant hero, resistant to accepting the mission but ultimately showing bravery and loyalty when faced with high stakes. Throughout the screenplay, he undergoes a transformation from a practical and down-to-earth individual to a determined and protective protagonist who is willing to take risks to save Leeloo. He learns to balance his personal feelings with his sense of duty, ultimately embracing his role as a hero and finding true love in the process. The character arc for Korben Dallas is well-developed, showing a clear progression from reluctance to acceptance of his role as a hero. However, there could be more emphasis on his internal struggles and emotional growth throughout the screenplay. Additionally, his relationship with Leeloo could be further explored to add depth to his character development. To improve the character arc, consider adding more scenes that delve into Korben's internal conflicts and emotional journey. Show moments of vulnerability and self-reflection to highlight his growth as a character. Additionally, explore the dynamics of his relationship with Leeloo in more depth, showcasing how it impacts his decisions and actions throughout the story.
cornelius Cornelius starts off as a wise and knowledgeable priest who believes in ancient prophecies and the power of good over evil. As the story progresses, he becomes more eccentric and passionate, showing vulnerability and uncertainty in the face of danger. Despite his struggles, he remains dedicated to his mission and willing to resort to extreme measures to achieve his goals. By the end of the screenplay, Cornelius has grown into a more confident and assertive character, still maintaining his wisdom and knowledge but with a newfound sense of urgency and determination. The character arc for Cornelius is well-developed, showing a clear progression from a cautious and thoughtful priest to a more eccentric and passionate character. However, there could be more consistency in his character traits throughout the screenplay. Additionally, his struggle to remember details in high-pressure situations could be further explored to add depth to his character. To improve the character arc, consider incorporating more moments of internal conflict for Cornelius as he grapples with his beliefs and the challenges he faces. Show his growth through subtle changes in his speaking style and behavior, reflecting his evolving mindset. Additionally, provide more opportunities for Cornelius to showcase his deep knowledge and expertise, reinforcing his role as a valuable asset to the team.
korben Korben starts as a reluctant taxi driver who is thrust into a dangerous mission to save the world. Initially skeptical and sarcastic, he gradually grows to care deeply for Leeloo and accepts his role as her protector. Through challenges and sacrifices, he transforms into a brave and determined leader, willing to risk everything for the ones he loves. The character arc for Korben is well-developed, showcasing his growth from a reluctant hero to a courageous leader. However, there could be more emphasis on his internal struggles and emotional depth throughout the journey. Additionally, his interactions with other characters could be further explored to enhance his development. To improve the character arc, consider adding more internal conflict and emotional moments for Korben to showcase his vulnerability and growth. Explore his relationships with other characters, especially Leeloo, to deepen his connection and motivations. Allow for moments of introspection and self-discovery to highlight his transformation into a true hero.
leeloo Leeloo's character arc in the screenplay follows her journey from a detached and focused being on a mission to a compassionate and connected individual. Through her interactions with Korben, she learns about love and connection, ultimately embracing her role in saving Earth with immense strength and courage. The character arc for Leeloo is well-developed, showcasing her growth and transformation throughout the story. However, there could be more emphasis on her internal struggles and conflicts as she navigates her emotions and relationships with humans. This would add depth to her character and make her journey even more compelling. To improve the character arc for Leeloo, consider incorporating more scenes that delve into her internal struggles and conflicts. Show her grappling with her identity as the Fifth Element and the Supreme Being, as well as her evolving understanding of human emotions. This will add complexity to her character and make her transformation more impactful.
zorg Zorg starts off as a powerful and ambitious antagonist who is driven by his desire for control and wealth. However, as the story progresses, he faces challenges that test his resolve and power. These challenges force him to confront his ruthless nature and the consequences of his actions, ultimately leading to a downfall where he loses everything he has worked so hard to achieve. The character arc for Zorg is well-developed, showcasing his evolution from a powerful antagonist to a downfall. However, it could benefit from more internal conflict and moments of vulnerability to make his character more complex and relatable to the audience. To improve the character arc for Zorg, consider adding scenes that delve into his backstory and motivations, showing the audience why he is driven by power and control. Additionally, explore moments of internal conflict where Zorg questions his actions and the impact they have on others, adding depth to his character and making his downfall more impactful.
loc rhod Loc Rhod starts off as a self-serving and cowardly character, prioritizing his own safety and survival. However, as the story progresses, he is influenced by stronger personalities like Korben and begins to show moments of bravery and loyalty. He ultimately proves his worth through his actions, overcoming his self-doubt and insecurities. The character arc for Loc Rhod is well-developed, showing growth and development throughout the screenplay. However, there could be more consistency in his character traits and actions to make the transformation more believable. To improve the character arc for Loc Rhod, consider establishing clearer motivations for his self-serving behavior at the beginning of the story. This will make his transformation into a more brave and loyal character more impactful and believable. Additionally, ensure that his comedic relief and light-hearted moments are balanced with his moments of bravery and loyalty to create a more well-rounded character.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
High Scores in Plot and Concept Coincide with High Emotional ImpactScenes with higher scores in the Plot and Concept categories tend to also receive higher scores in Emotional Impact. This suggests that the screenplay effectively uses plot and concept to create scenes that resonate emotionally with the audience.
Suspenseful Scenes are Often the Most Intense and DramaticScenes tagged as Suspenseful often receive high scores in Intensity and Drama. This indicates that the screenplay successfully builds tension and excitement through suspenseful situations.
Scenes with High Character Change Often Move the Story ForwardScenes with notable Character Changes tend to also receive higher scores in the Move Story Forward category. This suggests that the screenplay effectively uses character development to drive the plot and create meaningful story progression.
Scenes with a Mix of Suspenseful, Dramatic, and Humorous Elements are Well-ReceivedScenes that blend Suspenseful, Dramatic, and Humorous elements often receive high overall scores. This indicates that the screenplay successfully creates scenes that are both engaging and emotionally resonant.
High Scores in Action-Packed Scenes Coincide with High StakesScenes tagged as Action-Packed tend to also receive higher scores in High Stakes. This suggests that the screenplay effectively uses action sequences to create a sense of urgency and heightened stakes for the characters.


Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

Based on the analysis of multiple scenes from the screenplay, it showcases strong writing skills in terms of character development, dialogue, pacing, and tension-building. The writer effectively creates engaging and immersive scenes that drive the narrative forward and keep the audience invested in the story. However, there are a few key areas where further improvement can enhance the overall quality and impact of the screenplay.

Key Improvement Areas

Character Development
While the characters are well-introduced and their motivations are clear, there is room for deeper exploration of their backstories, inner conflicts, and emotional journeys. This will help create more complex and relatable characters that resonate with the audience.
Dialogue
The dialogue is generally engaging and natural, but it could benefit from more depth and nuance. By adding subtext, varying the sentence structure, and incorporating more active verbs, the writer can elevate the dialogue and make it more memorable.
Pacing
The pacing is well-managed overall, but certain scenes could benefit from tighter editing to maintain a brisk and engaging rhythm. This involves trimming unnecessary dialogue or action, streamlining transitions, and ensuring that each scene contributes significantly to the plot or character development.

Suggestions

Type Suggestion Rationale
Book Read 'Story Engineering' by Larry Brooks This book provides a comprehensive framework for developing compelling characters, crafting effective dialogue, and structuring a well-paced screenplay.
Video Watch 'Masterclass: Writing for Television' by Aaron Sorkin Sorkin is renowned for his sharp dialogue and engaging character interactions, and this masterclass offers valuable insights into his writing process and techniques.
Screenplay Read 'The Social Network' screenplay by Aaron Sorkin This screenplay is an excellent example of how to craft engaging dialogue, develop complex characters, and maintain a brisk and impactful pacing.
Exercise Character Backstory Exercise: Write a detailed backstory for one of the main characters, exploring their childhood, formative experiences, and relationships.Practice In SceneProv This exercise will help you develop a deeper understanding of your character's motivations and inner conflicts.
Exercise Dialogue Enhancement Exercise: Take a scene with existing dialogue and rewrite it, focusing on adding subtext, varying the sentence structure, and incorporating more active verbs.Practice In SceneProv This exercise will help you improve the quality and impact of your dialogue.
Exercise Pacing Analysis Exercise: Choose a scene that you feel could benefit from tighter pacing and analyze it carefully. Identify areas where dialogue or action can be trimmed, transitions can be streamlined, or the pacing can be adjusted to maintain a brisk and engaging rhythm.Practice In SceneProv This exercise will help you develop a better sense of pacing and how to effectively manage the flow of your scenes.
Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation
Dune (novel) Both feature a young protagonist on a quest to prevent an impending evil by gathering special elements and assembling them in a specific arrangement.
The Lord of the Rings (film trilogy) Similar epic scale, journey to gather powerful artifacts to defeat an ancient evil, and themes of fellowship, sacrifice, and the struggle between good and evil.
Stargate (film) Features a portal to an ancient alien civilization, a group of explorers traveling to a distant planet, and a battle against a powerful enemy threatening Earth.
Star Wars (film franchise) Similar themes of good versus evil, a hero's journey, and a quest to assemble special objects (lightsabers) to restore balance to the galaxy.
Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark (film) Similar adventure tone, search for ancient artifacts, and a treasure hunt spanning different locations and cultures.
The Matrix (film) Both involve a protagonist discovering a hidden world and battling against a technologically advanced enemy.
Blade Runner (film) Similar futuristic setting, themes of memory and identity, and a protagonist trying to save a group of beings from extinction.
Arrival (film) Features a linguist trying to establish communication with an alien race, and explores themes of language, time, and the nature of reality.
The Fifth Element (film) Both feature a cosmic battle to save the world, involving ancient prophecies, elemental forces, and a chosen hero.
Logan's Run (novel and film) Shares dystopian themes, a futuristic setting, and a rebellion against an oppressive society.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation
Chosen OneOmar is chosen to find the elemental stones and protect the world from an impending evil.The Chosen One is a common trope in fantasy and science fiction, where a specific individual is destined to save the day. Examples include Harry Potter, Luke Skywalker, and Neo from The Matrix.
Ancient PropheciesThe Professor discovers an ancient prophecy that foretells the impending evil and the need to arrange the elements around a human form for protection.Ancient Prophecies are used to create a sense of mystery and foreshadowing. They often reveal a hidden destiny or a future event that will shape the story. Examples include the prophecy of the Chosen One in Harry Potter and the prophecy of the One Ring in Lord of the Rings.
Elemental PowersThe Professor theorizes that arranging the elements of life (water, fire, earth, and air) around a fifth element (a human form) will protect against the impending evil.Elemental Powers are often used to create a sense of wonder and awe. They allow characters to manipulate and control different aspects of the natural world. Examples include the X-Men, who have a variety of elemental powers, and the Avatar, who can control all four elements.
SpaceshipA spaceship appears at the temple entrance and carries the Professor away.Spaceships are often used to create a sense of adventure and excitement. They allow characters to travel to different planets and explore the unknown. Examples include the Millennium Falcon in Star Wars and the Enterprise in Star Trek.
Action SequenceBilly, armed with a machine pistol, enters the chamber and fires, wounding the Kommander and Priest.Action sequences are used to create a sense of excitement and suspense. They often involve fighting, explosions, and other forms of physical conflict. Examples include the action sequences in the Die Hard and Mission Impossible franchises.
Doomed PlanetThe strange planet continues to grow and absorb missiles, and the President ultimately decides to attack it.Doomed planets are often used to create a sense of urgency and hopelessness. They represent a threat to the world and must be destroyed to prevent further harm. Examples include the planet Krypton in Superman and the planet Alderaan in Star Wars.
Chosen One's JourneyKorben is chosen to retrieve the four stones from the Diva on Fhloston Paradise.Chosen One's Journey is a common trope in fantasy and science fiction, where the Chosen One must go on a quest to fulfill their destiny. Examples include Luke Skywalker's journey to become a Jedi in Star Wars and Harry Potter's journey to defeat Voldemort.
MacGuffinThe four stones are the MacGuffin that the heroes must find to save the world.The MacGuffin is an object or goal that the characters must quest for. It is often a source of conflict and intrigue. Examples include the Holy Grail in Indiana Jones and the One Ring in Lord of the Rings.
Damsel in DistressLeeloo is rescued by Korben after she escapes from Zorg's clutches.The Damsel in Distress is a common trope in fiction, where a female character is rescued by a male hero. Examples include Princess Peach in Super Mario Bros. and Lois Lane in Superman.
Final BattleKorben and Leeloo must use the four stones to activate a protective beam and save Earth from the Dark Planet.The Final Battle is a common trope in action and adventure stories, where the heroes must face off against a powerful villain or threat. Examples include the Battle of Helm's Deep in Lord of the Rings and the Battle of Endor in Star Wars.


Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
Good vs. EvilThe film is centered around the fight between the forces of good, led by Leeloo, and the forces of evil, led by Zorg.This is a classic theme that is found in many stories. It explores the nature of good and evil, and the importance of fighting for what is right.
Strengthening Good vs. Evil:
Suggestion Type How to Strengthen the Theme
Dialogue - Scene 43 Enhance the dialogue between Leeloo and Korben during their heartfelt moment to convey the significance of their bond and the weight of their mission to save Earth.
Action - Scene 40 Add a scene where Zorg's paranoia escalates after the destruction of Fhloston Paradise, showcasing his desperation and determination to possess the Stones.
Character Arc - Scene 31 Explore Korben's internal conflict between his initial reluctance and his growing realization of his responsibility to protect Leeloo and fight against evil.
Visual - Scene 2 Incorporate a visual representation of the impending evil, such as a flickering light or a distorted image, to create a sense of unease and foreshadow the conflict between Good and Evil.
Story Arc - Scene 1 Establish the theme of Good versus Evil more explicitly in the opening scene by introducing a symbolic conflict between light and darkness, such as a group of children reflecting sunlight into a mysterious temple.
LoveThe film features a love story between Korben and Leeloo. Their love is tested by the challenges they face, but it ultimately triumphs.Love is a powerful force that can overcome even the greatest challenges. It is a theme that is found in many stories, and it is always a popular one with audiences.
SacrificeThe film features several characters who sacrifice themselves for the greater good. Korben sacrifices his life to save Leeloo, and Leeloo sacrifices her life to save Earth.Sacrifice is a noble act that can inspire others to do great things. It is a theme that is found in many stories, and it is always a powerful one.
IdentityThe film explores the theme of identity through the character of Leeloo. Leeloo is a unique individual who is trying to find her place in the world.Identity is a complex and important theme. It is something that everyone struggles with at some point in their lives. The film explores this theme in a thoughtful and insightful way.
EnvironmentalismThe film touches on the theme of environmentalism through the character of Professor Pacoli. Pacoli is a scientist who is concerned about the impact of human activity on the environment.Environmentalism is an increasingly important theme in today's world. The film raises awareness of this issue in a subtle and effective way.


Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's voice in this screenplay is characterized by the blend of wit, imagination, and a touch of absurdity. The unique style of the writer manifests itself through sharp dialogue, paradoxes, dark humor, and a penchant for the unexpected.
Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a distinctive atmosphere, where the absurd and the ordinary intertwine. The blend of wit, imagination, and dark humor keeps the audience engaged and intrigued, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.
Best Representation Scene Scene 17 -
Best Scene Explanation Scene 17 effectively showcases the writer's unique voice through the intense confrontation between Zorg and Aknot. The scene is filled with sharp dialogue, dark humor, and a touch of the absurd. Zorg's manipulation and Aknot's stubbornness create a dynamic tension that highlights the writer's skill in crafting memorable and engaging confrontations.
Originality
  • Overall originality score: 9.5
  • Overall originality explanation: The screenplay exhibits exceptional originality in several key areas: 1. **Concept and Setting**: The premise of ancient elemental Stones protecting the Earth against an evil cosmic force is unique and captivating. The futuristic Manhattan setting and the inclusion of alien races further enhance the originality of the world-building. 2. **Characters**: The protagonist, Korben Dallas, is an atypical hero, a former cab driver with a sarcastic and cynical nature. Leeloo, the enigmatic Fifth Element, possesses extraordinary powers and a profound connection to the Stones. The supporting cast, such as the manipulative Zorg, the eccentric Professor Mactilburgh, and the priest Cornelius, each brings unique quirks and motivations. 3. **Visual Style**: The film's visual aesthetic is highly distinctive, with vibrant colors, imaginative costumes, and inventive special effects. The action sequences are particularly memorable, showcasing innovative ways of using the elemental Stones and combining them with martial arts. 4. **Humor and Tone**: The screenplay deftly blends humor and seriousness, creating a unique tone. The witty banter between characters, the over-the-top villains, and the juxtaposition of absurd situations with high-stakes action keep the audience engaged and entertained throughout the film.
  • Most unique situations: Some of the most unique situations in the screenplay include: - A former cab driver tasked with saving the world from an impending cosmic disaster - A team of scientists creating a human body from scratch - An alien Diva sacrificing her life to transfer the Elemental Stones into Korben's body - A giant ball of darkness approaching Earth, threatening to destroy everything in its path - A group of four singers combining their voices to activate a protective beam against the evil force
  • Overall unpredictability score: 9
  • Overall unpredictability explanation: The screenplay continuously surprises and keeps the audience guessing with its unpredictable plot twists and turns: 1. **Unexpected Alliances and Betrayals**: The film subverts expectations by forming unexpected alliances, such as between Korben and the alien Mangalores, and revealing surprising betrayals, like that of Zorg's right-hand man. 2. **Twists and Turns**: The screenplay constantly throws curveballs at the audience, keeping them on the edge of their seats. For example, the discovery of the Stones' location inside the Diva's body and the surprising revelation of Leeloo's true identity add layers of complexity and unpredictability to the plot. 3. **Non-Linear Storytelling**: The film employs non-linear storytelling techniques, such as flashbacks and flashforwards, to reveal information gradually and keep the audience engaged. This approach adds depth and unpredictability to the narrative, as the pieces of the puzzle come together in unexpected ways. 4. **Ambiguous Ending**: The film concludes with a hint of uncertainty, leaving the audience to ponder the future of Korben and Leeloo and the fate of the newly restored Earth. This ambiguity adds to the film's overall unpredictability and keeps the audience engaged long after the credits roll.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsThe protagonist's internal goal was to understand the significance of the symbols and hieroglyphs on the wall and to uncover the secrets of the ancient prophecy. This evolved into a deeper desire for knowledge and discovery.
External Goals The protagonist's external goal was to assist in deciphering the inscription and to ensure the safety of the temple and its secrets. This evolved into a mission to protect the elements from falling into the wrong hands.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict in the screenplay revolves around the battle between good versus evil and the struggle to prevent the ultimate evil from destroying the world.


Character Development Contribution: The protagonist's goals and conflicts contribute to their development by challenging their beliefs, values, and morals. They are forced to confront their fears, make difficult decisions, and grow as a person throughout the screenplay.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The goals and conflicts drive the narrative forward, creating tension, suspense, and drama. They provide a sense of urgency and stakes that keep the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The goals and conflicts add depth to the screenplay by exploring themes of destiny, sacrifice, redemption, and the power of knowledge. They raise philosophical questions about morality, ethics, and the nature of good and evil, enriching the overall thematic exploration of the story.

Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: The world depicted in the screenplay is a diverse and fantastical one, with ancient Egyptian elements blended with futuristic technology. The physical environment is often used to create a sense of wonder and awe, as well as to foreshadow the impending danger. For example, the discovery of the temple in the desert and the appearance of the alien spaceship create a sense of mystery and intrigue, while the impending collision with the dark planet creates a sense of urgency and danger.
  • Culture: The screenplay also explores a variety of cultural elements, including ancient Egyptian rituals, futuristic technology, and intergalactic travel. This mix of cultures creates a sense of diversity and richness, and it also allows the screenplay to explore themes of identity and belonging. For example, Leeloo's struggle to understand her own identity and her place in the world is a central theme of the screenplay.
  • Society: The screenplay depicts a complex and hierarchical society, with a President, military generals, and different alien races. This social structure creates a sense of tension and conflict, as the different factions vie for power and control. For example, the conflict between Korben and Zorg is a central plot point in the screenplay, and it reflects the larger social conflict between the forces of good and evil.
  • Technology: The screenplay also features a variety of advanced technologies, including spaceships, weapons, and robots. This technology is used to create a sense of wonder and awe, as well as to foreshadow the impending danger. For example, the appearance of the alien spaceship and the use of advanced weapons create a sense of mystery and intrigue, while the impending collision with the dark planet creates a sense of urgency and danger.
  • Characters influence: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology of the world depicted in the screenplay shape the characters' experiences and actions in a variety of ways. For example, the desert setting creates a sense of isolation and danger, which forces the characters to rely on each other for survival. The mix of cultures creates a sense of diversity and richness, which allows the characters to learn from each other and grow. The hierarchical society creates a sense of tension and conflict, which forces the characters to make difficult choices. The advanced technology creates a sense of wonder and awe, which inspires the characters to dream big.
  • Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute to the narrative of the screenplay by creating a sense of wonder, awe, danger, and urgency. The physical environment, culture, society, and technology all play a role in driving the plot forward and creating a sense of suspense. For example, the discovery of the temple in the desert leads to the discovery of the alien spaceship and the impending collision with the dark planet. The mix of cultures creates a sense of diversity and richness, which allows the characters to learn from each other and grow. The hierarchical society creates a sense of tension and conflict, which forces the characters to make difficult choices. The advanced technology creates a sense of wonder and awe, which inspires the characters to dream big.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The physical environment, culture, society, and technology all contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay. For example, the desert setting reinforces the themes of isolation and survival. The mix of cultures reinforces the themes of diversity and inclusion. The hierarchical society reinforces the themes of power and control. The advanced technology reinforces the themes of progress and innovation. These themes are all explored in depth throughout the screenplay, and they give the film a rich and meaningful message.
Story Engine Analysis

central conflict

The impending collision between the celestial Dark Planet and Earth, requiring the activation of elemental Stones and the Fifth Element to create a protective beam.

primary motivations

Korben's desire to save Earth and prove himself; Leeloo's discovery of her purpose and the need to fulfill her destiny; Cornelius' commitment to protecting the Stones and guiding Leeloo.

catalysts

The arrival of Billy Masterson with news of the prophecy and the approaching planet; the revelation of Leeloo's identity as the Fifth Element; the capture of the Stones by the Mangalores.

barriers

Zorg's persistent pursuit of the Stones; the limited time to activate the protective beam; Leeloo's initial difficulty in accepting her role.

themes

The power of love and sacrifice; the importance of teamwork and collaboration; the struggle between good and evil; the search for identity and purpose.

stakes

The survival of Earth and humanity; Leeloo's own existence and purpose; the balance of good and evil in the universe.

uniqueness factor

The combination of science fiction, action, comedy, and romance, along with the imaginative world-building and distinctive characters.

audience hook

The visually stunning special effects, the captivating characters, and the thrilling race against time to save Earth.

paradoxical engine or bisociation

The juxtaposition of ancient prophecy and futuristic technology, creating a unique and compelling narrative tension.

paradoxical engine or bisociation 2

The concept of good and evil coexisting within Leeloo, making her both the key to saving humanity and a potential threat.


Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

The Fifth Element is a visually imaginative and action-packed science fiction screenplay with a unique blend of humor and heart. While the world-building and central characters are compelling, the screenplay could benefit from further character development, tighter plotting, and a more nuanced exploration of its themes.

Strengths
  • Vivid and imaginative world-building creates a unique and memorable setting. high
  • Fast-paced action sequences and comedic elements keep the audience engaged. high
  • Leeloo is a compelling and unique character with a fascinating arc. high
  • The screenplay blends elements of science fiction, action, and comedy effectively, creating a distinct genre mashup. medium
  • Zorg's character, while villainous, provides dark humor and moments of unexpected depth. medium ( Scene 17  Scene 30  Scene 34  )
Areas of Improvement
  • Korben's character development is somewhat shallow compared to Leeloo and could benefit from more exploration of his motivations and internal conflicts. high
  • The plot relies heavily on coincidences and convenient plot devices, which can weaken the narrative structure. medium
  • Some of the humor, particularly surrounding gender and sexuality, can feel outdated or offensive to modern audiences. medium
  • The ending feels somewhat rushed, leaving certain plot points and character relationships unresolved. medium
  • The screenplay's dialogue can sometimes be overly expositional or clichéd. low
MissingElements
  • Further exploration of the Mondoshawan culture and their connection to the Fifth Element would add depth to the story's mythology. medium
  • A deeper exploration of the nature of evil and its motivations would provide greater thematic weight. medium
NotablePoints
  • The visual style and special effects described in the screenplay are crucial to the overall experience and would require significant attention in production. high
  • The screenplay's unique blend of humor and action could appeal to a broad audience. medium

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'The Fifth Element' is a highly imaginative and engaging science fiction story that blends action, humor, and drama to create a compelling narrative. The world-building and visual scope of the story are impressive, and the central relationship between the characters of Korben and Leeloo is strongly developed, driving the emotional core of the narrative. While the pacing and introduction of the various factions could be improved in some areas, the screenplay's strengths, particularly its thrilling action sequences and unique, quirky style, make it a strong candidate for further development and potential adaptation.

Strengths
  • The screenplay has a strong, imaginative science fiction premise that blends elements of action, humor, and drama. The world-building and visual scope of the story are compelling. high
  • The interaction and character development between Korben and Leeloo is well-executed, creating an engaging central relationship with genuine emotional stakes. high ( Scene 18  Scene 28  )
  • The action sequences are thrilling and well-choreographed, propelling the story forward while showcasing the characters' skills and abilities. high ( Scene 16  Scene 17  Scene 37  )
  • The screenplay effectively balances humor and levity with the more serious, high-stakes narrative, providing a well-rounded tonal experience. medium ( Scene 6  Scene 13  Scene 14  )
  • The screenplay has a unique, quirky style and voice that sets it apart from more conventional science fiction stories. medium
Areas of Improvement
  • The introduction of the various factions and their motivations could be more clearly established, as it can be somewhat confusing for the audience to keep track of the different groups and their goals. medium ( Scene 5  Scene 6  Scene 7  )
  • The pacing in the middle section of the screenplay can feel a bit uneven, with some scenes dragging while others move too quickly. A more consistent flow would improve the overall narrative. medium ( Scene 20  Scene 21  Scene 22  )
  • While the screenplay has a unique voice, some of the humor and quirkiness could be further refined to ensure it resonates more consistently with the audience. low
MissingElements
  • The screenplay could benefit from a more in-depth exploration of the broader societal and technological context of the story's world, which would provide additional depth and context for the events unfolding. medium
  • While the central relationship between Korben and Leeloo is strong, the screenplay could delve deeper into the personal motivations and backstories of some of the supporting characters to further enhance the ensemble. low
NotablePoints
  • The scenes featuring Korben and Leeloo's growing connection and understanding of each other are highly compelling and emotionally resonant. high ( Scene 13  Scene 18  Scene 28  )
  • The action set pieces, particularly the battle sequences, are visually impressive and showcase the screenplay's creativity and cinematic potential. high ( Scene 16  Scene 17  Scene 37  )
  • The inclusion of humor and quirky elements, such as the interactions with Loc Rhod and Korben's mother, provide a welcome balance to the more serious sci-fi elements. medium ( Scene 6  Scene 14  )

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

The screenplay of 'The 5th Element' presents a visually rich and imaginative science fiction world with a fast-paced narrative and engaging characters. While it excels in creativity and entertainment value, it could benefit from enhanced character development, smoother transitions, and a clearer thematic focus to deepen its impact.

Strengths
  • The screenplay features a richly imaginative world with a unique blend of science fiction and fantasy elements that are visually compelling. high
  • Strong opening and closing scenes that bookend the film with a sense of mystery and resolution, effectively capturing the audience's attention and providing a satisfying conclusion. high ( Scene 1  Scene 44  )
  • Dynamic character development, particularly for Korben and Leeloo, whose relationship evolves meaningfully throughout the narrative. high ( Scene 14  Scene 34  )
  • Effective use of humor and comedic elements that provide relief and balance to the high-stakes action and drama. medium ( Scene 27  Scene 36  )
  • The screenplay maintains a fast-paced narrative that keeps the story engaging and exciting, with well-timed action sequences. high
Areas of Improvement
  • Some plot points and character motivations could be clarified to enhance the story's coherence and emotional impact. medium
  • Dialogue can sometimes feel forced or unnatural, detracting from character development and believability. medium
  • The antagonist's motives and backstory could be more developed to provide a stronger narrative conflict and depth. medium
  • Some scenes transition abruptly, which can be jarring and confusing, suggesting a need for smoother narrative transitions. low
  • The screenplay could benefit from more quiet, introspective moments to allow character depth and thematic elements to resonate more with the audience. medium
MissingElements
  • Lacks a strong thematic statement, which could tie the narrative elements together more cohesively and offer deeper commentary. medium
NotablePoints
  • The screenplay's imaginative setting and detailed world-building are notable and provide a strong foundation for visual storytelling. high
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
17ZORG: A case with four stones in it. Not one! Not two or three! But four!!! Four stones!!! What the fuck am I supposed to do with an EMPTY case?!!
43Diva: Leeloo is the Fifth Element, the Supreme Being. She is more than just your wife.
7Cornelius: The goal of evil is to wipe out life! All forms of life. For all eternity...Life upsets it.
18Zorg: Life, which you so nobly serve, comes from destruction.
16ZORG: Never be ashamed of who you are... You're warriors... be proud...