Queens Gambit

Executive Summary

Overview

Genres: Drama

Setting: 1950s and 1960s, Kentucky, USA and Paris, France

Overview: The script follows the journey of Beth Harmon, a resilient young girl who finds solace and purpose in the game of chess. Set in the Methuen Home for Children, Beth navigates the challenges of her environment while battling addiction to medication. As she discovers her talent for chess, she faces inner demons and strives to prove herself in a male-dominated world. The story explores themes of identity, conformity, power, friendship, and the pursuit of freedom.

Themes: Identity and Self-Image, Conformity and Rebellion, Power and Control, Friendship and Support, Escape and Freedom

Conflict and Stakes: Beth's struggle to overcome her addiction and pursue her chess career, while navigating the challenges of being an orphan and a young woman in a male-dominated world.

Overall Mood: The overall tone of the screenplay is somber, reflective, and bittersweet, with moments of hope and triumph.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: The opening scene establishes the orphanage as a cold and unwelcoming place, setting the tone for Beth's struggles.
  • Scene 5: Beth's discovery of her talent for chess brings a sense of hope and possibility, but the scene is tinged with sadness as she realizes the challenges she faces.
  • Scene 12: The scene where Beth overdoses on pills is harrowing and intense, highlighting the destructive power of addiction.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: A young female protagonist who is a chess prodigy and struggles with addiction
  • Plot Twist: Beth's discovery of her biological father and the revelation of her mother's past
  • Distinctive Setting: The orphanage and the chess tournaments provide unique and visually interesting settings
  • Innovative Idea: The exploration of chess as a metaphor for life and the challenges of addiction
  • Unique Characters: The characters are well-developed and relatable, with complex motivations and flaws
  • Genre Blend: The screenplay blends elements of drama, coming-of-age, and sports

Comparable Scripts:

  • One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
  • Girl, Interrupted
  • The Shawshank Redemption
  • A Beautiful Mind
  • The Perks of Being a Wallflower
  • Silver Linings Playbook
  • Black Swan
  • The Breakfast Club
  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  • Requiem for a Dream
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Consider


Explanation: The screenplay shows promise with its effective establishment of urgency, mystery, and character relationships. However, there are areas that need improvement, such as smoother transitions between scenes and more engaging dialogue. The missing elements include clearer explanations of character motivations and emotional journeys. Notable points include the use of visual and auditory cues to create tension and the introduction of intriguing conflicts and relationships. Overall, the screenplay has potential but requires further development to fully engage the audience.


USP: The Unique Selling Proposition in this screenplay is the exploration of the foster home setting, the mysterious green pills, and the friendship between Beth and Jolene. It delves into the consequences of Beth's obsession with chess and her descent into addiction, offering a unique and compelling story that combines elements of coming-of-age, addiction, and the pursuit of passion. This script will appeal to audiences who are interested in character-driven stories that tackle complex themes and showcase innovative storytelling techniques.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$20-30 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 18-45, fans of drama, coming-of-age stories, and chess

Marketability: The screenplay has strong central characters, a compelling storyline, and timely themes that will appeal to a wide audience.

The screenplay is well-written and has a solid foundation, but it may need some additional development to make it more marketable to a mainstream audience.

The screenplay has potential, but it may need to be revised to make it more accessible and appealing to a wider audience.

Profit Potential: Moderate, due to its niche appeal and limited box office potential, but strong potential for streaming and awards recognition.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by concise and descriptive language, realistic dialogue, and a focus on visual details and character emotions. The narrative and dialogue effectively convey the mood, themes, and depth of the screenplay.

Best representation: Scene 1 - A New Beginning. This scene is the best representation because it showcases the writer's ability to create a vivid and engaging visual experience through concise and descriptive language.

Memorable Lines:

  • Beth: Checkmate. (Scene 7)
  • Alice: Fear is just a phantom. (Scene 8)
  • Mr. Shaibel: I don't play strangers. (Scene 4)
  • Beth: I'm sorry. (Scene 1)
  • Mrs. Deardorff: Your behavior has come as a profound shock to all of us. Nothing-- nothing-- in the history of the Methuen Home has been so deplorable. It must not happen again. (Scene 13)
Characters

Beth Harmon:A young orphan girl who discovers her talent for chess and struggles with addiction

Jolene:Beth's friend and fellow orphan who shares her struggles with addiction and provides emotional support

Mr. Shaibel:A janitor at the orphanage and a skilled chess player who becomes Beth's mentor

Mrs. Deardorff:The head of the orphanage who is strict and disapproving of Beth's chess playing

Fergussen:An orderly at the orphanage who is kind and supportive of Beth

Story Shape
Summary Beth Harmon, a young girl who witnesses her mother's death, is placed in a strict foster home where she discovers her love for chess. Despite facing addiction and harsh punishments, Beth showcases her exceptional chess skills and becomes a rising star. However, her addiction continues to spiral out of control, leading to an overdose and eventual confinement to the Girl's Ward where she forms a bond with Jolene and continues to play chess in her mind. Several years later, their routine is interrupted by unknown visitors.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The plot of the screenplay revolves around Beth's experiences at the Methuen Home for Children, her interactions with other characters, and her growing interest in chess. The story effectively portrays the oppressive and restrictive environment of the home, as well as Beth's struggle to fit in and find her place. The scenes are well-structured and provide a clear progression of events. The character arcs of Beth and Jolene are well-developed, with Beth initially relying on the pills for comfort and acceptance, but gradually realizing their negative effects, while Jolene serves as a cautionary figure. The introduction of Mr. Shaibel and the introduction of chess add an intriguing element to the story. The use of visual imagery, such as the chess pieces hanging from the ceiling, adds depth to the narrative. However, the repetition of certain scenes and dialogue diminishes the impact of the story. Additionally, the pacing could be improved to maintain the audience's engagement throughout the screenplay.
Suggestions: To improve the plot/story, consider reducing the repetition of scenes and dialogue to maintain a more engaging narrative. Explore ways to enhance the pacing, ensuring that the story consistently holds the audience's attention. Consider introducing more variety in the scenes to provide a broader range of experiences for the characters. Additionally, further develop the character arcs of secondary characters, such as Mrs. Deardorff, to add depth and complexity to the overall story. Finally, consider incorporating more conflict and obstacles for Beth to overcome, which will create a more compelling and dynamic narrative.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - The Morning After Frantic, Mortified, Awful, Quiet, Soft, Ragged, Tired 8 7 86 7 787889977 68999
2 - A New Beginning Dark, Melancholic, Hopeful 8 7 86 9 787676879 89898
3 - The Orphanage Melancholic, Hopeful 8 7 76 8 787676767 77898
4 - The Green Pill Dark, Intense, Mysterious 8 9 76 8 787676767 77898
5 - Beth Learns Chess Intense, Mysterious 8 9 77 8 787676877 89898
6 - The Game's Over Intense, Serious, Tense 8 7 86 9 787987877 89998
7 - The Queen's Gambit Intense, Serious, Emotional 9 8 96 9 886777969 87798
8 - Learning Chess Thoughtful, Reflective, Informative 8 8 77 8 786656767 99798
9 - Beth's Chess Triumph Determined, Bored, Frightened 8 7 85 9 776656867 77898
10 - Chess Challenge Serious, Intense, Tense 8 7 86 7 687877867 67898
11 - Beth's First Chess Exhibition Determined, Anxious, Curious 8 7 86 7 687667877 69898
12 - Beth's Triumph and Descent Determined, Confident, Curious, Angry, Stoned 9 8 95 9 887998979 89898
13 - Consequences and Restrictions Serious, Tense, Confrontational 8 7 86 7 787897876 69898
14 - Moving On Melancholic, Reflective, Hopeful 9 8 76 9 787475669 67898


Scene 1 - The Morning After
BLACK
1 INT. PARIS HOTEL ROOM - BATHROOM - DAY 1
A KNOCK ON A DOOR. Then--
VOICE
Mademoiselle?
A SPLASH. Someone stirs in a bathtub. MORE KNOCKING.
VOICE (CONT’D)
Mademoiselle Harmon? Etes-vous La?
We can just make out a A FACE in the dark. Breathing.
Watching. FRANTIC POUNDING ON THE DOOR. Followed by--
VOICE (CONT’D)
Mademoiselle! Ils vous attendant!
Finally, from the darkness--
BETH
I’m coming...
MORE SPLASHES and SPILLING WATER as she hoists herself out of
the tub. A BOTTLE GETS KICKED OVER--
BETH (CONT’D)
Shit--
2 INT. PARIS HOTEL ROOM - DOOR/HALLWAY - NEXT 2
She stumbles through the dark room. THE DOOR IS CRACKED OPEN
and over her shoulder is the face of a MAN in a suit, out in
the hallway, clearly mortified at the sight of her.
BETH
Je descend tout-de-suite.
She shuts the door, taking us to black again. More stumbling.
3 INT. PARIS HOTEL ROOM - BATHROOM - NEXT 3
THE BATHROOM LIGHT IS TURNED ON and there she is, staring at
herself in the mirror-- BETH HARMON. All of 20. In the same
dress she wore the night before, but now soaking wet.
BETH
Fuck.
Yeah, fuck. She looks awful. Well, she looks like what she
is: still drunk, high, whatever. Her hair, stringy and wet.
She starts to pull the soggy dress over her head--
2.


4 INT/EXT. PARIS HOTEL ROOM - MINUTES LATER 4
She comes back into the room and opens the curtains to reveal
a grey PARIS morning outside. Having changed into a different
dress, she steps into one shoe, hunts for the other...
She shakes A GREEN PILL from a vial, spots a mini bar-sized
bottle of Vodka on the dresser with a bit still left inside,
puts the little bottle to her lips when--
SOMEONE STIRS ON THE BED.
She turns, sees a shape under the covers. She stares, clearly
trying to do the math as to just who the fuck is in her bed.
She pops the pill. Drains the bottle. Grabs her shoes...
5 INT. PARIS HOTEL - HALLWAY - SAME 5
FOLLOW HER DOWN THE HALL to a grand staircase. She holds her
shoes in one hand, runs the other over her dress, smoothing
the wrinkles the best she can.
Beth hurries down the stairs, passing a MAN holding the hand
of a LITTLE GIRL on the way up. The little girl stares up at
Beth as they pass...
Beth crosses the ornate lobby, heads for another hallway--
6 INT. PARIS HOTEL - ANOTHER HALLWAY - SAME 6
As Beth hurries along the quiet hallway, pauses in front of
large pair of doors and pulls on her shoes. She then pushes
through the doors into--
7 A GIANT BALLROOM 7
As a hundred heads turn towards her. While the room is packed
with people, it’s dead silent. They’ve been waiting. For her.
And now we hear one sound: THE WHIR OF CAMERAS. A DOZEN
PHOTOGRAPHERS gathered at the entrance snap her picture.
The crowd parts to reveal A TABLE at the very center of the
room. A CHESSBOARD sits on top. TV CAMERAS have been set up.
The size/look hinting that it’s sometime in the mid sixties.
Seated at the table waiting for her is VASILY BORGOV, forty.
A frightening figure in a dark suit, Borgov is all eyebrows
and frown. Beth approaches, quickly shakes his hand and sits
down across from him.
BETH
I’m sorry.
He nods, says nothing. A few more photos and then SILENCE.
Beth watches Borgov make his first move. PUSH IN ON HER--
3.


8 EXT. KENTUCKY HIGHWAY - DAY 8
VOICE
What are we supposed to do with
her?
AND NOW BETH AT 20 BECOMES BETH AT 9
The little girl staring at Camera.
ANOTHER VOICE
They’re sending someone.
BEGIN PANNING AWAY FROM BETH...
TO LOOK DOWN a ribbon of empty Kentucky Highway, hung with
low fog, as the PAN CONTINUES ACROSS THE HIGHWAY--
VOICE
Not a scratch on her.
--to A TRAFFIC ACCIDENT. Car versus Truck. Head on. The car
flattened, is wedged deep under the front end of the bigger
vehicle. The TRUCK DRIVER stands away from it smoking, eyes
on A BODY that lies on the asphalt covered in a sheet. Now--
CONTINUE PANNING TO LOOK UP THE HIGHWAY...
TO FIND A COUPLE OF COPS standing there holding a LONG LINE
OF TRAFFIC, the makes of the cars put us in the late fifties.
SIRENS and FLASHING LIGHTS of rescue vehicles in the distance
driving up the shoulder...
COP #1
It’s a miracle.
The other cop looks back down as CAMERA COMPLETES ITS CIRCLE
and once again FINDS BETH, in a cotton dress, staring at the
body on the ground.
COP #2
I doubt she’ll see it that way.
AS THE SIRENS GET LOUDER--
9 INT. CAR - DAY 9
Beth stares at the mole on the face of the chatty MATRON from
Social Services behind the wheel.
MATRON
You understand, dear, your mother’s
passed on? You know what that
means, do you, passed on?
(Beth nods)
(MORE)
4.
9 CONTINUED: 9
MATRON (CONT'D)
Well, I’m sure she’s gone on to a
better place and, someday, you’ll
get to see her again.
BETH
When?
The woman looks at Beth, smiles, then looks ahead as they
pull up to a trailer in the woods--
MATRON
I imagine it must be very quiet
living way out here.
(more to herself)
Very quiet...
10 INT. MOBILE HOME - DAY 10
The door opens and Beth follows the woman into the ragged and
tired space. Dirty dishes are piled up around a small sink.
MATRON
Oh, my...
The woman stays soft in the doorway as Beth enters, stares at
a nearly empty glass of milk on the table sitting across from
a coffee cup, LIPSTICK visible on the rim. From the b.g...
MATRON (CONT’D)
The funeral will be in a few
days...
Beth puts the cup to her lips as...
MATRON (CONT’D)
Of course, given the... scope of
her injuries, the casket will be
closed.
The woman steps forward, puts a meaty hand on her shoulder.
MATRON (CONT’D)
Have you got a suitcase?
11 EXT. MOBILE HOME - DAY 11
Beth exits with a paper grocery sack full of her belongings.
The Woman droning on as they walk to a dusty sedan, “KNOX
COUNTY SOCIAL SERVICES” stenciled on the door--
MAN’S VOICE
Elizabeth?
She looks to where A MAN gets out of a car, a CAMERA around
his neck. A REPORTER-- He snaps her picture...
5.
11 CONTINUED: 11
MRS. DEARDORFF (V.O.)
Orphaned by yesterday’s collision
on New Circle Road...

FREEZE - A NEWSPAPER PHOTO - BETH HARMON
On the image of Beth looking out the window of the car...
MRS. DEARDORFF (V.O.)
Elizabeth Harmon surveys a troubled
future.
12 INT. MRS. DEARDORFF’S OFFICE - SAME 12
MRS. DEARDORFF -- a tall statue of a woman in horn rims --
reads the paper at her desk. A FILE open in front of her.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Elizabeth, nine, was left without
family by the crash...
13 EXT. KENTUCKY COUNTRYSIDE - DAY 13
As the sedan moves through the Kentucky countryside, Beth
rests her head on the door, letting the wind hit her face.
MRS. DEARDORFF (V.O.)
Her mother, Alice Harmon, was
pronounced dead at the scene.
14 INT. MRS. DEARDORFF’S OFFICE - DAY 14
Mrs. Deardorff looks through a file... Not much in it outside
of the paper. A photo of ALICE, a school photo of Beth.
15 EXT. KENTUCKY COUNTRYSIDE - DAY 15
As the sedan passes under a sign for MT. STERLING.
FERGUSSEN (V.O.)
And the father?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene begins with Beth Harmon, a young woman, waking up in a Paris hotel room after a night of heavy drinking and drug use. She is interrupted by knocking on the door and voices calling for her. Beth hurriedly gets out of the bathtub and changes into a different dress. She discovers a man in her bed and quickly leaves the room. Beth makes her way through the hotel, attracting attention from the guests. She enters a ballroom where a chess match is about to take place between her and Vasily Borgov. The scene then transitions to a flashback of Beth as a nine-year-old girl witnessing a car accident that kills her mother. She is taken to a social services office and eventually placed in a foster home. The scene ends with Beth in a car, staring out the window as she travels to her new home.
Strengths
  • Engaging and intense portrayal of the protagonist's chaotic morning after
  • Effective use of flashback to provide backstory and emotional depth
  • Establishment of high-stakes chess match as a central plot point
Weaknesses
  • Character development could be further enhanced
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced and revealing of inner thoughts and emotions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the chaotic and troubled state of the protagonist, Beth Harmon. It introduces key elements of her past and sets up the upcoming chess match, creating intrigue and tension. The scene is well-written and engaging, but could benefit from further development of the characters and dialogue.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a troubled protagonist navigating the aftermath of a wild night and facing a high-stakes chess match is intriguing and has potential. However, it could be further developed to explore deeper themes and character arcs.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene effectively establishes the current situation of the protagonist and provides important backstory through the flashback. It sets up the upcoming chess match as a significant event in Beth's life. The pacing and progression of events are well-executed.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and situation are familiar (a hotel room and a protagonist dealing with a hangover), the specific details and visual descriptions add a fresh and unique perspective.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters in the scene, particularly Beth Harmon, are intriguing and have potential for further development. However, more depth and complexity could be added to enhance their impact and create stronger emotional connections with the audience.

Character Changes: 7

Beth undergoes a subtle change in the scene as she transitions from a state of chaos and confusion to a more focused and determined mindset for the upcoming chess match. However, the change could be further emphasized and explored to create a stronger character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome her hangover and present herself in a presentable manner in the ballroom.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to make it to the ballroom on time and participate in the chess match with Vasily Borgov.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains both internal and external conflicts. Internally, Beth is dealing with the consequences of her actions and her troubled past. Externally, she is facing the high-stakes chess match against Vasily Borgov. The conflicts create tension and drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces obstacles such as being hungover, finding a stranger in her bed, and navigating through the hotel to reach the ballroom.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Beth faces the pressure of the upcoming chess match and the consequences of her actions. The outcome of the match has significant implications for her future. The high stakes add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the current situation of the protagonist, introducing key elements of her past, and setting up the upcoming chess match. It creates intrigue and anticipation for what will happen next.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements such as the presence of a stranger in the protagonist's bed and the sudden appearance of a giant ballroom.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from frantic and mortified to quiet and soft. The flashback to Beth's traumatic childhood adds emotional depth. However, the emotional impact could be further heightened with more exploration of the characters' inner struggles and vulnerabilities.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the urgency and confusion of the situation. However, it could benefit from more depth and nuance to reveal the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it starts with a sense of mystery and urgency, introduces a visually interesting setting, and presents a clear goal for the protagonist.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and chaos through quick and concise action lines and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It starts with a specific location and time, introduces the protagonist's internal and external goals, and progresses through a series of actions and dialogue.


Critique null
Suggestions null



Scene 2 - A New Beginning
16 INT. MRS. DEARDORFF’S OFFICE - DAY 16
FERGUSSEN, a young black orderly (24) stands in front of the
desk as Mrs. Deardorff peers at the file...
MRS. DEARDORFF
Doesn’t say. I would guess, though,
that, like most men who live around
there, he was yet another victim of
a carefree life.
A HORN HONKS OS and Mrs. Deardorff looks up.
6.


17 EXT. METHUEN HOME FOR CHILDREN - DAY 17
Mrs. Deardorff exits the building, smiles as the sedan pulls
up alongside her. She opens the passenger door and smiles--
MRS. DEARDORFF
You must be Beth.
Beth gets out, clutching a brown grocery bag, takes in Mrs.
Deardorff, the woman all put together in a woolen skirt and
matching silk blouse ringed with big pearls.
18 INT. METHUEN HOME - DAY 18
As Mrs. Deardorff carries Beth’s bag inside, the Social
Worker in the sedan already peeling rubber out of there
behind them. Beth watches her go.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Mr. Fergussen, this is Elizabeth
Harmon.
Fergussen nods to Beth as he quickly passes by, goes through
a door, opening it long enough for us to hear the following
goodie from inside--
GIRL’S VOICE
You’re all fucking cocksuckers!
She looks at Fergussen, who gives her an I’m on it look.
FERGUSSEN
(calling off)
Jolene! That mouth is gonna be the
death of you!
MRS. DEARDORFF
(smiles at Beth)
This way, dear--
Other girls nod stiffly to Mrs. Deardorff as they pass.
GIRLS
Good-morning, Mrs. Deardorff.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Good-morning, girls.
19 INT. GIRLS' WARD - DAY 19
Mrs. Deardorff shows Beth to a metal bed by the door to the
bathroom. Clearly the worst spot in the room. Made even more
apparent as we hear the TOILET FLUSH and a GIRL exits, looks
surprised to see the head of the orphanage right there.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Shoo.
7.
19 CONTINUED: 19
The girl hurries off as Mrs. Deardorff opens the drawers
under the bed...
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
You can put your clothes down here.
And there’s a shelf for your tooth
brush and any other personal items
there.
She watches as Beth unpacks her few things from the bag.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
I know that, at this moment, all
you’re feeling is loss. But after
grief brings you low, prayer and
faith will lift you high... high
enough for you to see a new path
for yourself.
Beth just keep unpacking, doesn’t look at her.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
I think, Elizabeth, you’re going to
find a much different life here, a
better one than you might have had.
Mrs. Deardorff puts a hand on Beth’s shoulder.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
And I’m certain that you and I are
going to be good friends.
Now Beth turns around and looks up at her.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
Now about that hair...
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Mrs. Deardorff watches MRS. LONSDALE cut Beth’s hair.
20 INT. LINEN SUPPLY ROOM - DAY 20
Shelves full of clothing arranged by color. Mrs. Deardorff
turns to the newly shorn Beth and holds up a plain shift to
the girl’s body.
MRS. DEARDORFF
That should do nicely.
She nods to Beth’s dress.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
Off with that rag.
8.
20 CONTINUED: 20
Beth pulls her old dress over her head, looks at her name
hand embroidered in the shape of a heart. Mrs. Deardorff
takes it from her, holds it out away from herself.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
I think we’ll burn this one.
Beth looks at her, is about to react when she hears LAUGHTER,
turns to see a couple of girls watching her from the doorway--
A few GIRLS peek in as Beth hugs her skinny self.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
Shoo.
A BELL SOUNDS and Mrs. Deardorff smiles at Beth.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
One more stop.
21 CUT TO A LARGE JAR OF GREEN PILLS 21
BOOM UP to reveal CHILDREN LINED UP beyond a window where now
Fergussen passes out pills and cups of water. NOW TRACK DOWN
TO THE END OF THE LINE TO BETH as Mrs. Deardorff rests a hand
on her shoulder--
MRS. DEARDORFF
Mr. Fergussen will take good care
of you. I’ll see you at Dinner.
She moves off and Beth watches as each kid is given one green
pill and another brown pill. Mr. Fergussen watching, making
sure they swallow both..
VOICE
The green ones are the best.
Beth sees a girl, black, taller than the others, 14, looking
back at her. JOLENE. Another girl stands beside her.
BETH
What are they?
JOLENE
(winks at the other girl)
Vitamins.
OTHER GIRL
Magic vitamins.
For some reason that cracks up the two of them.
JOLENE
What’s your name, girl?
9.
21 CONTINUED: 21
BETH
Beth.
JOLENE
Jolene.
(lowers her voice)
I were you, Beth, I’d save the
green ones up for the nighttime.
Otherwise they turn off just when
you need ‘em to turn on. If you
know what I mean.
Jolene watches as Beth looks around THE MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM
where the pharmacy is located. At the books, the religious
magazines and posters.
JOLENE (CONT’D)
Your mother and daddy dead?
(as Beth nods)
What’s the last thing they ever
said to you?
(leans close)
I ask everybody that one. You get
some really fun answers.
BETH
I don’t remember.
JOLENE
Well, someday you might. You let me
know if you do.
She then turns away, leaving Beth to stare at the back of her
hair.
ON THE WINDOW
As Beth gets to the front of the line and Fergussen hands her
the two pills and a cup of water. Beth looks at them...
FERGUSSEN
Green is to even your disposition.
Orange and brown’s for building a
strong body.
(holds them out)
Take them both.
(as she hesitates)
Go on.
Beth does as she’s told.
22 INT. CORRIDOR - DAY 22
Beth walks back to the Girls’ Ward. She’s unsteady, reaches
out for the wall. She’s never had “vitamins” quite like
these...
10.
22 CONTINUED: 22
BETH’S POV AS SHE WALKS
The world seems more vibrant, the colors, the sounds. The
other kids. All of them looking at her.
Beth moves on, a dreamy expression on her face.
Up ahead a JANITOR, heavyset, his back to us, mops the floor.
He turns to watch her a moment. He’s BLURRY. No face. KEYS at
his waist JINGLE.
She stares at him, fascinated by the action of the mop in the
bucket, the sound of the keys. The Janitor turns and looks at
her and she moves on.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Beth Harmon, a young girl, is placed in a foster home after witnessing her mother's death. She meets Mrs. Deardorff, the head of the orphanage, who assures her of a better life. Beth is introduced to the strict rules and routines of the home, including taking mysterious green pills. She befriends Jolene, who advises her on the pills and shares stories. The scene ends with Beth feeling the effects of the pills and experiencing a heightened sense of the world around her.
Strengths
  • Strong performances
  • Emotional depth
  • Intriguing introduction of green pills
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the setting, characters, and conflicts while creating intrigue with the introduction of the green pills. The dialogue and performances are strong, and the emotional impact is palpable.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a young girl finding hope in a new home after a tragic event is compelling. The introduction of the green pills adds an intriguing element of mystery and potential conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot effectively introduces the main character, her past trauma, and her new environment. It sets up potential conflicts and establishes the journey of the protagonist.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of an orphanage is familiar, the specific interactions and dialogue between the characters bring a fresh perspective to the situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic. Beth's vulnerability and resilience are evident, while Mrs. Deardorff and Jolene provide contrasting perspectives and support.

Character Changes: 7

Beth undergoes a subtle change as she begins to open up to Mrs. Deardorff and forms a connection with Jolene. Her perspective on her new life and potential for growth starts to shift.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to cope with the loss of her parents and adjust to her new life in the orphanage. It reflects her deeper need for stability, belonging, and a sense of identity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the unfamiliar environment of the orphanage and establish connections with the other girls. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she is facing as a new resident in the home.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is primarily internal, as Beth grapples with her past trauma and adjusts to her new environment. The introduction of the green pills hints at potential external conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there are no significant obstacles, the protagonist faces challenges in adjusting to her new life and establishing connections with the other girls.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, as it primarily focuses on introducing the characters and setting. However, the potential conflicts and Beth's emotional journey suggest higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Beth's new home and the challenges she will face. It sets up potential conflicts and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements such as the interaction between Beth and Jolene, the mysterious green pills, and the blurred janitor. These elements create intrigue and raise questions about the future events in the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly in the portrayal of Beth's grief and vulnerability. The audience can empathize with her and feel hopeful for her future.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It effectively conveys emotions and adds depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a new character, establishes the protagonist's goals and challenges, and creates a sense of curiosity about the orphanage and its inhabitants.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually introducing new information and allowing moments of reflection and observation. It creates a sense of anticipation and curiosity.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the protagonist's goals, and progresses the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces Mrs. Deardorff as a caring and put-together woman who takes charge of the new arrivals at the home.
  • The dialogue between Mrs. Deardorff and Beth is somewhat one-sided, with Beth not responding or engaging much. It would be helpful to have more interaction between the two characters to establish their relationship.
  • The introduction of Jolene adds an interesting dynamic to the scene, but her dialogue feels a bit forced and unnatural. It could be improved by making it more authentic and reflective of her character.
  • The transition between locations and actions is somewhat abrupt and could be smoother. It would be beneficial to provide clearer transitions or visual cues to guide the reader and viewer.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is somewhat somber and serious, reflecting the difficult circumstances of the children in the home. However, there could be more moments of warmth or connection to balance the tone and create a stronger emotional impact.
  • The visual elements in the scene, such as the hair cutting and the burning of Beth's dress, add depth and symbolism to the story. These elements could be further emphasized to enhance the visual storytelling.
  • The scene ends with Beth feeling unsteady after taking the pills, creating a sense of intrigue and foreshadowing future events. This ending leaves the audience wanting to know more about the effects of the pills and how they will impact Beth's journey.
Suggestions
  • Add more dialogue and interaction between Mrs. Deardorff and Beth to develop their relationship and create a stronger emotional connection.
  • Refine Jolene's dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of her character.
  • Improve the transitions between locations and actions to create a smoother flow.
  • Balance the somber tone of the scene with moments of warmth or connection to create a stronger emotional impact.
  • Emphasize the visual elements, such as the hair cutting and the burning of the dress, to enhance the visual storytelling.
  • Continue exploring the effects of the pills on Beth's journey and their impact on the story.



Scene 3 - The Orphanage
23 INT. CAFETERIA - NIGHT 23
As Beth stares as her tray is filled, mesmerized by the food.
She turns to face the room. Doesn’t know where to sit. After
a moment, she realizes Jolene is waving her over...
AS BETH SITS DOWN
Jolene takes one look at Beth’s dreamy face and laughs.
BETH
I feel funny...
JOLENE
You look funny. Thought I told you
to wait, and take them vitamins at
bedtime?
Beth stares at her plate. Pokes at it with her fork...
BETH
What is this?
ANOTHER GIRL
Fish.
JOLENE
Far as we know.
ANOTHER GIRL
We eat it every Friday.
The “fish” comes in squares and is covered in a thick orange
sauce, like French Dressing. Beth gags on her first bite.
ANOTHER GIRL (CONT’D)
You gotta eat every bite or they’ll
tell Mrs. Deardorff about you, and
you won’t get adopted.
Beth looks at her. Sees Mrs. Deardorff eating with other
teachers, staff at another table. She looks at Beth.
11.


24 INT. GIRLS' WARD - NIGHT 24
Everyone in bed. Beth is the only one awake. She lies there
listening to the girls in the other beds, coughing, turning
and muttering. A SHADOW crosses her bed as the NIGHT ORDERLY
walks past. A DISTANT PHONE RINGS, A TOILET FLUSHES. VOICES
DOWN THE HALL.
She looks up at the ceiling. BRANCHES from the trees outside
the window form eerie, CRISSCROSSING SHADOWS on the ceiling.
She sees Jolene, a few beds over, taking her pill NOW. Jolene
looks back at Beth, shakes her head and lays down.
Beth rolls over on her side and curls up tight.
25 INT. GIRLS' WARD - MORNING 25
As Beth wakes up, doesn’t feel so good. Mrs. Deardorff walks
into the ward and everybody straightens up. Good Morning Mrs.
Deardorff.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Good morning, Girls. This is Mr.
and Mrs. Spellman.
A YOUNG COUPLE shyly enters behind her, apparently “shopping”
for a kid. Beth watches as the girls all quickly put delicate
HEADBANDS in their hair. Beth doesn’t have one.
She turns as the couple comes her way. But Beth looks awful.
They take one look at her and turn away.
26 EXT. EXERCISE YARD - DAY 26
The girls are all doing various forms of exercise. Beth
watches Jolene and some other girls on a jump rope. She
invites Beth over.
BETH
I’ve never done it.
JOLENE
Never?
BETH
No.
JOLENE
Try it.
Beth tries to jump in with Jolene, but catches the rope with
her foot. Beth feels like an idiot. Jolene smiles and takes
her hand--
12.
26 CONTINUED: 26
JOLENE (CONT’D)
Hang onto me and jump when I
jump...
Beth does and misses.
JOLENE (CONT’D)
Try again.
Beth does and soon she’s doing it in rhythm with the older
girl.
JOLENE (CONT’D)
Now you’re getting it.
27 INT. MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM - “VITAMIN LINE” - DAY 27
As Beth receives her pills, turns to go without taking them--
FERGUSSEN
Hey-- Harmon!
She turns back. He points to the cup.
FERGUSSEN (CONT’D)
Take your pill.
She has no choice. Takes the pills.
28 INT. GIRLS' WARD - NIGHT 28
Another night of no sleep. Movement and voices down the hall.
The shadows from the trees on the ceiling more menacing than
ever. Beth curls up, knows it’s going to be a long night.
KNOCKING ON A DOOR OVER...
29 INT. MOBILE HOME - NIGHT (FLASHBACK) 29
A younger Beth lying on the couch, awake, listening to the
hushed conversation.
MAN’S VOICE
Alice, come on. Open the door. It’s
taken me a whole month to find you.
ALICE/BETH’S MOTHER
For good reason.
Beth slips out off the couch...
ALICE
You shouldn’t be here.
MAN’S VOICE
I could say the same to you.
13.
29 CONTINUED: 29
Beth looks to the doorway of the mobile home, it’s ajar, her
mother ALICE stands there calmly talking through the crack to
a MAN we can’t quite see.
ALICE
I’m living my truth.
MAN
Your truth? You went to Cornell.
ALICE
That was a mistake. One of many.
Beth creeps closer, tries to see who’s out there.
MAN
Alice. Sweetheart. Whatever you’re
doing, whatever this is, it’s nuts,
even for you.
ALICE
I don’t expect you to understand. I
don’t expect anyone to understand.
MAN
What I understand is that you’re
not taking care of yourself.
And with that, Beth watches as he drops a VIAL OF PILLS
THROUGH THE CRACK. Alice ignores them.
MAN (CONT’D)
Just let me come in and talk to
Lizzy. Make sure she’s okay.
ALICE
You think I’d hurt her? She’s happy
here. She’s where she belongs.
MAN
Do you honestly think our daughter
belongs in a trailer, the middle of
nowhere.
ALICE
Who says she’s “our” daughter?
MAN
Alice, don’t do that--



ALICE
And she doesn’t like being called
Lizzy.
14.
29 CONTINUED: (2) 29
And she closes the door. Listens. Then--
ALICE (CONT’D)
Are you still there?
Then from outside--
MAN’S VOICE
Alright, Alice, you win. I can’t
fight you anymore. And I can’t keep
chasing after you just to have you
run away again. But I also can’t
keep on lying awake every night
worrying about the two of you.
ALICE
You don’t have to. We’re fine.
MAN’S VOICE
Once I drive away, I’m not coming
back. So... I’m just gonna ask one
last time, is that what you really
want? For me to disappear?
Alice closes her eyes, leans against the door, presses one
hand against it. Finally--
ALICE
You need to go live your life.
MAN’S VOICE
What does that mean?
ALICE
I’m sorry, Paul.
She turns, sees Beth looking at her. Then moves away into the
dark. Beth bends down PICKS UP THE VIAL OF PILLS. FOOTSTEPS.
She moves to a window, sees a FIGURE get into a car. The dome
light enough to glimpse her Beth’s Father’s face. He looks at
the trailer a moment. Then starts the car...

30 OMITTED 30
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Beth Harmon, a young girl, is placed in a foster home after witnessing her mother's death. She meets Mrs. Deardorff, the head of the orphanage, who assures her of a better life. Beth is introduced to the strict rules and routines of the home, including taking mysterious green pills. She befriends Jolene, who advises her on the pills and shares stories. The scene ends with Beth feeling the effects of the pills and experiencing a heightened sense of the world around her.
Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the foster home setting and introduces intriguing elements like the green pills. The characters are well-developed and engaging."
Weaknesses "The conflict and stakes in the scene could be higher to create more tension and suspense."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the setting and introduces important characters. It also creates intrigue with the mysterious green pills and sets up potential conflicts and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a young girl being placed in a foster home after a traumatic event is compelling and sets up potential for emotional and personal growth.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene focuses on Beth's introduction to the foster home and the mysterious green pills. It sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a child in a foster home and hoping to be adopted is a familiar one, the specific details and interactions in the scene add authenticity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and reflect the challenges and emotions of living in a foster home.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Beth and Jolene, are well-developed and have distinct personalities. Their interactions and dialogue are engaging.

Character Changes: 7

Beth experiences a subtle change in her perception of the world and her own abilities as she starts to feel the effects of the pills.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of belonging and acceptance. She is searching for a place to sit in the cafeteria and feels out of place. This reflects her deeper need for a stable and loving family, as she hopes to be adopted.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges of living in a foster home and potentially being adopted. She wants to fit in with the other girls and follow the rules to increase her chances of being adopted.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is relatively low, with the main focus being on Beth's adjustment to the foster home and the mystery of the green pills.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist faces challenges in finding a place to sit in the cafeteria and in participating in the jump rope activity. These obstacles create a sense of tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, with the focus being on Beth's adjustment to the foster home and the mystery of the green pills.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing important elements and setting up potential conflicts and character development.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces the possibility of the protagonist being adopted, but the outcome is not revealed in this scene. The reader is left wondering about the protagonist's future.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of sadness and sympathy for Beth's situation, while also providing a glimmer of hope for her future.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' personalities and establishes their relationships. It also hints at the mystery surrounding the green pills.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces the protagonist's internal and external goals and creates a sense of empathy for her situation. The dialogue and actions of the characters contribute to the development of the scene and keep the reader interested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of reflection and introspection for the protagonist, as well as moments of interaction with other characters. The rhythm of the scene creates a sense of anticipation and emotional depth.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, concise action lines, and dialogue formatted with character names and dialogue tags.


Critique
  • The scene could benefit from more specific and vivid descriptions of the cafeteria and the food being served. This would help to create a stronger visual image for the reader and enhance the atmosphere of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Beth and Jolene could be more natural and conversational. The current dialogue feels a bit forced and could be improved by adding more subtext and nuance to their interaction.
  • The transition between the cafeteria and the girls' ward could be smoother. It is currently a bit abrupt and could be improved by adding a transitional moment or action.
  • The introduction of the couple looking to adopt a child feels rushed and could be given more attention. This is an important moment in the scene and could be expanded upon to create more tension and emotional impact.
  • The flashback sequence with Beth's parents could be clarified and made more emotionally resonant. The dialogue between Alice and the man could be more revealing of their relationship and the reasons for their separation.
  • The ending of the scene could be more impactful and leave the reader with a stronger sense of anticipation or emotion. Consider adding a final action or line of dialogue that leaves the reader wanting to know what happens next.
Suggestions
  • Add more descriptive details to the cafeteria scene to enhance the visual imagery.
  • Revise the dialogue between Beth and Jolene to make it more natural and nuanced.
  • Smooth out the transition between the cafeteria and the girls' ward with a transitional moment or action.
  • Expand upon the introduction of the couple looking to adopt a child to create more tension and emotional impact.
  • Clarify and enhance the flashback sequence with Beth's parents to make it more emotionally resonant.
  • Add a final action or line of dialogue to create a stronger ending to the scene.



Scene 4 - The Green Pill
31 INT. MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM - “VITAMIN LINE” - DAY 31
Jolene gets her cup of pills. And pops them in her mouth for
Fergussen to see. Then she turns around, faces--
--Beth waiting behind her and opens/closes her mouth, giving
Beth a flash of the GREEN PILL still on her tongue. Beth
turns, watches as Jolene casually spits the pill into her
palm on her way out the door.
FERGUSSEN
Harmon?
15.
31 CONTINUED: 31
Beth steps up and receives her vitamins. She walks away from
the line, then does as Jolene demonstrated and spits out the
GREEN PILL and puts it into her pocket.
32 INT. GIRLS' WARD - DAY 32
As Beth hides the green pill in her TOOTHBRUSH HOLDER.
33 INT. MATH CLASS - DAY 33
The kids take a test. MISS GRAHAM patrols the rows of desks,
stopping when she finds Beth staring out the window.
MISS GRAHAM
Miss Harmon?
(Beth turns to her)
Finished already?
Beth nods, hands her the paper. Miss Graham looks at it.
MISS GRAHAM (CONT’D)
Hmm.
She looks at Beth, seems to see her differently now. She
glances at the clock, then--
MISS GRAHAM (CONT’D)
Why don’t you take the erasers down
to the basement and clean them...
34 INT. CORRIDOR - DAY 34
As Beth moves down a quiet corridor, tosses one of the dusty
blackboard erasers in the air. She looks off as she hears--
JOLENE
...they’re all fucking cocksuckers.
And you’re the biggest fucking
cocksucker of them all...
She pauses as Fergussen passes in the other direction,
dragging Jolene down the hall by the ear...
FERGUSSEN
I never met someone, liked the
taste of soap much as you do...
Mr. Fergussen gives Beth a look--
FERGUSSEN (CONT’D)
Where you going, Harmon?
She holds up the erasers, keeps her eyes on Jolene who winks
at her as Fergussen drags her to a door marked SUPPLIES.
Beth carries on down the hall, gets to a staircase in the
back, goes through a door marked BASEMENT.
16.


35 INT. BASEMENT - SAME 35
Beth comes down the stairs, comes around the corner, and THE
BACK OF THE JANITOR comes into view. He sits on a metal stool
near the furnace, a single bare bulb overhead, scowling at
the green and white board in front of him.
Beth looks at the board. The funny-shaped pieces on the green
and white squares. He glances at her, then back to the board.
Beth moves to the far side of the basement and clops the
erasers together, watching the janitor the entire time.
She stares at the man through the billowing cloud of chalk
dust growing all around her--
The janitor is in his fifties, heavyset, nothing particularly
friendly about him. MR. SHAIBEL.
She finishes the job and starts to leave, this time crossing
closer to the game, getting a good look at THE BOARD as she
passes. Fascinated by it. It almost seems to move.
He looks up at her and she bolts up the stairs...
36 INT. CORRIDOR - DAY 36
As Beth runs up the corridor with the erasers...
37 INT. GIRLS' WARD - NIGHT 37
Beth lies awake, listening to the noises of the night, but
this time, instead of gutting it out, she reaches down and
dumps the PILL from her toothbrush holder into her palm and
swallows it. She lies back and stares up at the CEILING...
...The CRISSCROSSED SHADOWS FROM THE TREES OUTSIDE begin to
SLOWLY STRAIGHTEN OUT AND FORM SQUARES. Beth stares at them,
watches as the ceiling becomes a GIANT CHESSBOARD.
The door opens, the shaft of light from the hall ruining the
chessboard on the ceiling as Mr. Fergussen checks in on the
girls, then backs out again.
Beth looks up at the ceiling as the board reappears...
38 INT. GIRLS' WARD - MORNING 38
Beth wakes up, refreshed, feeling better than she has.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Good morning, girls.
She turns to see Mrs. Deardorff enter the ward.
EVERYONE
Good morning, Mrs. Deardorff.
17.
38 CONTINUED: 38
MRS. DEARDORFF
Mary-Sue?
She walks over to A LITTLE BLOND GIRL who listens to the head
mistress. Mrs. Deardorff turns to go, but turns back with one
more thought-- she snaps her fingers and points to the little
girl’s head. Clears her throat.
The little girl quickly puts on her little headband.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
Don’t dawdle.
And she walks out. Beth watches as the little girl starts
quickly collecting her things.
JOLENE
Not fair.
Beth turns to see Jolene now standing beside her.
JOLENE (CONT’D)
She came here after you.
(turns to Beth)
Most of us are lifers. Been here a
long time. Nobody’s gonna come for
us now. We’re too old.
(then)
Or too black.

Beth takes that in, watches as Mrs. Deardorff helps her pack
up her things.
39 INT. MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM - “VITAMIN LINE” - MORNING 39
As Beth receives her “vitamins,” turns away, walks around the
corner and then pockets the green one. She looks up and sees
Mr. Shaibel far down the corridor go into the basement. HEAR
THE GIRLS SINGING OVER...
40 INT. CHAPEL - MORNING 40
Miss. Lonsdale leads the girls in singing Bringing in the
Sheaves. Beth, bored out of her skull, slips out of her seat,
motions to MISS. LONSDALE that she “has to go.”
Miss Lonsdale frowns. Beth indicates “really bad.”
41 INT. CORRIDOR - MORNING 41
The singing in the b.g. as Beth hurries to the stairs--
18.


42 INT. BASEMENT - DAY 42
Beth slowly comes up behind Mr. Shaibel. He reaches out and
touches one of the knights... thinking... She comes closer,
the shadow of her head falling on the board--
MR. SHAIBEL
What do you want, child?
She stands still. He turns to her.
MR. SHAIBEL (CONT’D)
You should be in chapel.
Saying the word like he bit into something rotten.
BETH
What’s that game called?
MR. SHAIBEL
You should be upstairs with the
others.
BETH
I don’t want to be with the others.
I want to know what game you’re
playing.
He looks up at her a moment, then shrugs.
MR. SHAIBEL
It’s called chess.
She takes a step back and he resumes his game. Beth watches
as he stares at the pieces. Motionless. As if he hates them.
She watches him reach out and pick a piece up by its top with
his fingertips, hold it for a moment as though holding a dead
mouse by the tail and then set it on another square.
BETH
Will you teach me?
Mr. Shaibel says nothing, doesn’t even register the question.
All we get are the DISTANT SINGING VOICES. She tries again...
BETH (CONT’D)
I want to learn to play chess.
Mr. Shaibel reaches out a fat hand to one of the larger black
pieces, picks it up deftly by its head and sets it down on a
square on the other side of the board. Not looking at her--
MR. SHAIBEL
I don’t play strangers.
19.
42 CONTINUED: 42
The flat voice is like a slap in the face. She stands there a
moment, then turns and runs back upstairs.
A43 INT. GIRLS’ WARD - NIGHT A43
As the girls all jump into their beds. Beth sneaks a pill and
lies back just as Fergussen turns off the lights.
FERGUSSEN
Sweet dreams, ladies.
And shuts the door. Beth concentrates on the ceiling, watches
as it once more forms squares...
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Beth Harmon, a young girl in a foster home, discovers a mysterious green pill and begins to experience a heightened sense of the world around her.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept of the green pill
  • Well-developed characters
  • Effective establishment of tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of high stakes
  • Limited conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the mysterious and intense tone, introduces a key plot element, and provides insight into Beth's character.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the green pill and its impact on Beth's perception adds intrigue and sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Beth discovers the green pill and begins to experiment with its effects.

Originality: 6

This scene has a moderate level of originality. While the setting of a boarding school and the theme of secret activities are familiar, the use of chess as a symbol and the specific actions and dialogue of the characters add a fresh and unique perspective.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Beth and Jolene, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Beth experiences a change in her perception and begins to see the world differently after taking the green pill.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to learn how to play chess. This reflects her desire for knowledge, curiosity, and a desire to connect with others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid suspicion and maintain her secret activities. She wants to learn how to play chess without drawing attention to herself.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between Beth's desire to learn chess and Mr. Shaibel's initial refusal to teach her.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. The janitor's refusal to teach the protagonist creates a small obstacle that adds tension and conflict to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, but the introduction of the green pill hints at higher stakes to come.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the green pill and setting up potential conflicts and character development.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements like the protagonist's secret activities and the janitor's refusal to teach her. However, the overall direction of the scene is still somewhat predictable.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for knowledge and connection, and the janitor's refusal to teach her because she is a stranger. This challenges the protagonist's belief that learning and connection should be accessible to all.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of sadness and hopefulness as Beth navigates her new environment and discovers the green pill.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces a mystery and conflict, and leaves the audience wanting to know more about the protagonist's secret activities and her desire to learn chess.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of this scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The concise and descriptive language helps to create a sense of urgency and intrigue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses clear and concise descriptions and dialogue tags to convey the actions and emotions of the characters.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and sets up the conflict and tension.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict. It jumps between different events without a clear throughline.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, particularly the exchange between Jolene and Beth about the pills.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is inconsistent. It starts off with Beth feeling unsure and uncomfortable, then transitions to her feeling sick, and ends with her feeling resigned.
  • The visual elements and actions in the scene are not well-described, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the scene.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or sense of closure.
Suggestions
  • Establish a clear central conflict or goal for Beth in this scene, such as her desire to fit in or her struggle to resist taking the pills.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities.
  • Maintain a consistent emotional tone throughout the scene to create a stronger sense of atmosphere.
  • Provide more detailed descriptions of the visual elements and actions to enhance the reader's understanding and immersion in the scene.
  • Consider adding a resolution or conclusion to the scene to provide a sense of closure and progression.



Scene 5 - Beth Learns Chess
43 EXT. EXERCISE YARD - DAY 43
Jolene plays dodge ball. Beth steps up beside her, watches as
the older girl catches the ball one handed, and sends it back
like a bullet, knocking over the girl who threw it.
BETH
You were right, the vitamins work
better at night.
JOLENE
How many you take?
BETH
I don’t know-- Sometimes I skip a
day, or a bunch of days, then take
two or three. I like the way it
feels.
JOLENE
I bet you do.
And now Jolene lifts a cigarette she’d been keeping at her
side to her lips, takes a quick hit. Jolene sees Fergussen
looking her way, smiles, shows him some leg as she says to
Beth--
JOLENE (CONT’D)
You just be careful you don’t get
too used to that feeling.
44 INT. CORRIDOR - DAY 44
As Beth runs up the corridor with the erasers...
45 INT. BASEMENT - DAY 45
Beth cleans the erasers, watching Mr. Shaibel at the chess
board. He doesn’t look up. Finally she walks over. Takes a
breath. Then--
20.
45 CONTINUED: 45
BETH
I’m not a stranger.
(then)
I live here.
(no answer)
I already know some of it, from
watching.
MR. SHAIBEL
(finally)
Girls don’t play chess.
Beth takes a step closer, points at, but doesn’t touch, one
of the rooks--
BETH
That one moves up and down or back
and forth. All the way, if there’s
space to move in. But that one can
only go up. That tall one can go
any way it wants.
Mr. Shaibel remains quiet. She’s turning to go when--
MR. SHAIBEL
And this one?
And her heart leaps as he points to a bishop.
BETH
On the diagonals.
He points to a knight.
BETH (CONT’D)
One square diagonal plus one square
straight.
He looks up at her. Considers. Then--
MR. SHAIBEL
Let’s play a game...
(turns to the board)
I play white.
BETH
I don’t have much time.
MR. SHAIBEL
Now or never.
BETH
I have Geography in ten minutes.
MR. SHAIBEL
Now or never.
21.
45 CONTINUED: (2) 45
She drops the erasers, drags an old milk crate from behind
the furnace to the other side of the board--
BETH
Okay.
And they begin to play. He beats her in four moves. She
stares at the board.
MR. SHAIBEL
That’s called Scholar’s Mate.
BETH
How do you do it?
MR. SHAIBEL
Not today.
BETH
Show me.
MR. SHAIBEL
Not today.
46 INT. CORRIDOR - LATER 46
Beth bursts out of the basement and runs for class. STAY WITH
HER as she rounds a corner, runs smack into MRS. DEARDORFF.

MRS. DEARDORFF
Elizabeth--
The Head Mistress brushes stray chalk off herself as if she’s
just bumped into a drooling, shedding dog.
BETH
I’m sorry, Mrs. Deardorff--
MRS. DEARDORFF
Why are we in such a hurry?
BETH
I’m late for class.
MRS. DEARDORFF
And why is that?
Beth holds up the erasers.
BETH
I clean them for Mrs. Graham.
MRS. DEARDORFF
(brushing at herself)
Apparently not enough.
(then)
(MORE)
22.
46 CONTINUED: 46
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT'D)
Here, at Methuen, we don’t run in
the halls. It’s unseemly.
BETH
Yes, Mrs. Deardorff.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Exercise is for the outdoors.
BETH
Yes, Mrs. Deardorff.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Go on.
She watches as Beth walks off. Briskly.
47 INT. GIRLS' WARD - NIGHT 47
Beth takes ONE PILL and lies back in bed. Stares up at the
ceiling. The usual noises down the hall. Tonight, however,
she hears none of them, watches the board appear above her.

REVERSE - FROM THE CEILING DOWN TO BETH
Beth concentrating. Now A DARK SHAPE MOVES ALONG THE CEILING
ABOVE BETH. And then ANOTHER, LIGHTER SHAPE MOVES INTO FRAME.

REVERSE - FROM BETH UP TO THE CEILING
CHESS PIECES HANG UPSIDE DOWN FROM SQUARES FORMED BY THE
CRISSCROSSED CEILING. The pieces are shadowy, like LARGE
BATS.
Beth looks at an eerie-looking BISHOP. It starts to slide
along the diagonal...

MOVING BISHOP POV - FROM THE CEILING DOWN TO BETH
CAMERA TRACKS at the same angle as the bishop moves over the
beds towards Beth. VOICES SINGING A HYMN OVER...
48 INT. CHAPEL - DAY 48
As Beth sneaks out of the back...
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Beth Harmon, a young girl, learns to play chess from Mr. Shaibel in the basement of the orphanage. Despite her initial defeat, she is determined to improve her skills.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces the concept of chess and showcases Beth's determination to learn and improve her skills. The dialogue between Beth and Mr. Shaibel is engaging and sets up a potential mentor-student relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a young girl learning chess in an orphanage is unique and intriguing. It sets up the potential for a compelling character arc and exploration of the game's strategic elements.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene focuses on Beth's introduction to chess and her first game with Mr. Shaibel. It establishes her initial defeat and sets up the potential for her growth and improvement in future scenes.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and themes of learning and defying expectations are familiar, the specific details and interactions between the characters bring a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Beth and Mr. Shaibel are well-developed characters in this scene. Beth's determination and curiosity are evident, while Mr. Shaibel's initial skepticism and eventual willingness to teach her create an interesting dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

Beth experiences a minor character change in this scene as she goes from being a novice to a determined learner. Her defeat in the game motivates her to improve her skills.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to learn and understand the game of chess. This reflects her deeper desire for knowledge, intellectual stimulation, and a sense of purpose.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to clean the erasers and avoid getting in trouble with Mrs. Deardorff. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining her responsibilities and avoiding punishment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, as Beth faces the challenge of learning a complex game and overcoming her initial defeat. The conflict between her determination and Mr. Shaibel's skepticism also adds tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. The protagonist faces challenges in the form of Mrs. Deardorff's disapproval and societal expectations regarding gender roles. The outcome of her interaction with Mr. Shaibel and her ability to learn and play chess also adds to the opposition.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, as it primarily focuses on Beth's introduction to chess. However, the potential for future high-stakes games and competitions is hinted at.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the central theme of chess and establishing Beth's initial interest and determination to learn the game. It sets up future conflicts and challenges for the character.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the surreal experience with the chess pieces hanging from the ceiling, and the protagonist's interaction with Mr. Shaibel and his willingness to teach her chess.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Mr. Shaibel's belief that girls don't play chess and Beth's desire to challenge societal expectations and pursue her passion for the game. This conflict challenges Beth's beliefs about gender roles and her own capabilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of curiosity and anticipation as Beth begins her journey into the world of chess. The potential for growth and achievement creates a sense of emotional investment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Beth and Mr. Shaibel is engaging and reveals their personalities and motivations. It effectively conveys the initial skepticism and eventual mentorship dynamic between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a new challenge for the protagonist, reveals more about her passion for chess, and creates suspense with the introduction of the chess pieces hanging from the ceiling.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of dialogue and action, creating a sense of anticipation and curiosity, and maintaining the reader's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the characters' goals and conflicts, and progresses the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a strong interaction between Beth and Jolene, where Jolene warns Beth about the potential dangers of getting too used to the feeling of the pills. This interaction adds depth to their relationship and foreshadows potential conflicts or consequences for Beth's pill usage.
  • However, the transition from the exercise yard to the basement feels abrupt and disconnected. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition or a clearer connection between the two locations.
  • The interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel in the basement is intriguing and adds depth to Beth's character. However, the pacing of their conversation and the chess game feels rushed. It would be beneficial to slow down the pace and allow for more tension and development in their interaction.
  • The scene with Mrs. Deardorff scolding Beth for running in the halls feels unnecessary and doesn't contribute much to the overall story. It could be removed or replaced with a more impactful interaction that adds to Beth's character development or the overall plot.
  • The visual element of the chess pieces hanging from the ceiling is a unique and intriguing image. It adds a sense of mystery and foreshadows the importance of chess in Beth's life. This visual element could be further explored and utilized throughout the screenplay to enhance the storytelling.
  • The scene ends on a suspenseful note with Beth lying in bed, taking a pill, and seeing chess pieces hanging from the ceiling. This ending creates intrigue and leaves the audience wanting to know more about the connection between Beth, the pills, and chess.
  • Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from smoother transitions, more developed interactions, and a stronger focus on the key elements of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the transition between the exercise yard and the basement to create a smoother flow and connection between the two locations.
  • Slow down the pacing of the interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel in the basement to allow for more tension and development.
  • Reevaluate the scene with Mrs. Deardorff scolding Beth and consider replacing it with a more impactful interaction that contributes to character development or the overall plot.
  • Explore and utilize the visual element of the chess pieces hanging from the ceiling throughout the screenplay to enhance the storytelling.
  • Continue building suspense and intrigue around the connection between Beth, the pills, and chess in future scenes.



Scene 6 - The Game's Over
49 INT. BASEMENT - DAY 49
Beth and Mr. Shaibel move their pieces in silence until he
corners and then takes her queen. She’s clearly angry.
BOOM DOWN TO HER LEGS UNDER THE TABLE as they tightly cross
over twice.
23.
49 CONTINUED: 49
Beth stares at the board, is about to play on despite the
mortal loss when he reaches out and stops her hand--
MR. SHAIBEL
You resign now.
BETH
Resign?
MR. SHAIBEL
That’s right, child. When you lose
the queen that way, you resign.
She stares at him. Not comprehending. He lets go of her hand,
picks up her black king and sets it on its side on the board.
It rolls back and forth a moment, finally lays still.
BETH
No.
MR. SHAIBEL
Yes. You have resigned the game.
BETH
You didn’t tell me that in the
rules.
MR. SHAIBEL
It’s not a rule. It’s
sportsmanship.
BETH
I want to finish.
She picks up the king and sets it back on its square.
MR. SHAIBEL
No.
BETH
You’ve got to finish.
MR. SHAIBEL
No.
He stands up, has to stoop to keep his head from hitting the
rafters.
MR. SHAIBEL (CONT’D)
You lost.
BETH
Please.
MR. SHAIBEL
The game is over.
24.
49 CONTINUED: (2) 49
BETH
You greedy cocksucker!
He looks at her, then--
MR. SHAIBEL
Get out.
She gets up from the board and walks out. He watches her in
silence, then turns back to the board and says quietly...
MR. SHAIBEL (CONT’D)
The game’s over.
50 INT. MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM - DAY 50
Beth moves away from the pharmacy window. Pockets her pill.
Sees Jolene on one of the couches wink at her.
MISS LONSDALE (V.O.)
Dancing looks like fun...
51 INT. LIBRARY - DAY 51
MISS LONSDALE, the chapel teacher, intones breathlessly--
MISS LONSDALE
The music is loud and has a pumping
rhythm which makes one want to move
one’s young body right along with
it. But we all know, don’t we, that
dancing isn’t safe. It isn’t an
evil thing in itself, but we know
it can lead to evil things, don’t
we?
Jolene watches as Beth slips out the back.
52 INT. CORRIDOR - DAY 52
Beth walks to the basement door, finds it LOCKED. She’s
devastated. Sits down on the floor right there. Lost.
53 INT. MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM - “VITAMIN LINE” - DAY 53
As Beth receives her “vitamins.”
54 INT. GIRLS' WARD - FROM THE CEILING - NIGHT 54
As Beth takes a pill, lies back-- waits for the pieces to
appear. THEY DO... and she begins to play...
55 INT. CORRIDOR - DAY 55
As Beth again tries the door. And again finds it LOCKED.
25.


56 INT. GIRLS' WARD - NIGHT 56
Beth lies in bed. MOVING CHESS PIECES ABOUT THE CEILING...
BETH
(quietly)
Check.
57 INT. CORRIDOR - DAY 57
Beth once more walks to the basement door, tries it. LOCKED.
She smacks it with one of the erasers, then walks away.
58 EXT. METHUEN HOME - DAY 58
Beth walks out into a grey day and begins clopping the
erasers together. LAUGHTER OS. Beth looks off and sees
several LOCAL KIDS standing just outside the grounds.
One of the BOYS lights a cigarette, waves--
A BIT OF THUNDER and Beth hurries back inside.
59 INT. GIRLS' WARD - NIGHT 59
LIGHTNING AND RAIN out the windows. WHISPERED VOICES and Beth
turns to see SHADOWS IN THE BATHROOM. Beth gets out of bed...
60 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 60
VOICES INSIDE. Beth enters, comes around the corner and sees
Jolene and Fergussen. She sits in his lap, facing him.
FERGUSSEN
Shit--
Beth runs out.
61 INT. GIRLS' WARD - NIGHT 61
As Beth gets into her bed and pulls the covers up over head.
Jolene comes into the dark room and stands over Beth’s bed a
moment. She then REACHES OUT AND BRINGS HER FIST DOWN ON THE
SHAPE UNDER THE COVERS. Beth’s cry cut off as Jolene rips the
sheet back and leans close to her--
JOLENE
What did you see?
BETH
Nothing.
JOLENE
That’s right. You saw nothing. So
you say nothing.
26.
61 CONTINUED: 61
Beth nods and Jolene then flings the sheet back over her and
quietly slips back into her own bed.
62 INT. CORRIDOR - DAY 62
Beth walks to the basement door. Half-heartedly reaches for
the door, but this time-- IT’S UNLOCKED. She stands there a
moment, caught off guard. Then--
63 INT. BASEMENT - DAY 63
She goes down the stairs, comes around the corner to see Mr.
Shaibel sitting at the chessboard, the pieces ready. Beth
begins cleaning the erasers. Risks glancing at him--
Mr. Shaibel nods to the board. As if nothing happened.
She hesitates, then comes over and sits down across from him.
He’s already made the first move. They begin to play.
They say nothing to each other, but respond quickly to the
other’s moves. Beth glances up at him, can see tension and
likes it. She begins to push a pawn toward the sixth rank.
He responds. Moves his knight. She moves the pawn. He moves
his knight back. She smiles at the wasted move, trades her
bishop for the knight. Soon, her pawn is one move away from
becoming a queen.
He looks at it sitting there. Reaches out and angrily topples
his king. Neither of them says anything. But it’s her first
win and we see on her face that it feels pretty damn good.
MR. SHAIBEL
You’re gloating.
BETH
I’m not.
MR. SHAIBEL
It was close.
BETH
I still beat you.
MR. SHAIBEL
You could have beat me sooner.
(then)
You should learn the Sicilian
Defense.
BETH
What’s that?
He reaches for the board--
27.
63 CONTINUED: 63
MR. SHAIBEL
When white moves to king four,
black does this.
He moves the pieces on the board into position.
BETH
Then what?
He moves the knight as--
MR. SHAIBEL
Knight to KB 3.
BETH
What’s KB 3?
MR. SHAIBEL
King’s bishop 3. Where I just put
the knight.
BETH
The squares have names?
MR. SHAIBEL
If you play well, they have names.
BETH
Show me.
MR. SHAIBEL
Not now.
(then)
Let’s play again.
64 A SEQUENCE OF SHOTS 64
Beth running up the corridor with the erasers. Beth in line
for her pills. Beth playing with Mr. Shaibel. Beth stashing
the pills. Beth watching the boy and girl from town making
out at the fence. His hand up her shirt. Beth’s desk empty.
Beth slamming down her queen and--
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Beth Harmon, a young girl, learns the rules of chess from Mr. Shaibel in the basement of the orphanage. After losing her queen, she is told to resign the game, but she insists on continuing. She eventually wins her first game against Mr. Shaibel, feeling a sense of accomplishment.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict between characters
  • Strong dialogue
  • Effective portrayal of Beth's determination
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for supporting characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the conflict between Beth and Mr. Shaibel and showcases Beth's determination to continue playing despite the rules. The dialogue and tension between the characters are well-executed.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a young girl learning chess and challenging the rules is intriguing and engaging. It sets up the foundation for Beth's journey and growth as a chess prodigy.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Beth's first chess game with Mr. Shaibel and her refusal to resign. It effectively establishes the conflict and showcases Beth's determination and resilience.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a chess game between a skilled opponent and a determined protagonist is familiar, the specific actions and dialogue of the characters add authenticity and freshness to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Beth and Mr. Shaibel are well-developed and their interactions create tension and emotional investment. Beth's determination and Mr. Shaibel's strictness make for compelling characters.

Character Changes: 7

Beth experiences a small character change as she learns the importance of resigning in chess and the concept of sportsmanship. She becomes more aware of the rules and strategies of the game.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself and assert her independence. This reflects her deeper need for validation and recognition of her skills and abilities.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to win the chess game against Mr. Shaibel. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in the form of a skilled opponent.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Beth and Mr. Shaibel is intense and drives the scene. Beth's refusal to resign creates tension and showcases her determination.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong as the protagonist faces a skilled opponent who challenges her and tries to prevent her from continuing the game.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are relatively high for Beth as she challenges the rules and expectations of the game. Her determination and resilience are at stake.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Beth's passion for chess and her determination to improve. It sets up her journey as a chess prodigy.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts the expectation of a typical chess game by having the protagonist challenge the rules and continue playing despite losing. The audience is unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of anger, devastation, and a sense of being lost. Beth's frustration and determination resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Beth and Mr. Shaibel effectively conveys their conflict and determination. It reveals their personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation and showcases the protagonist's determination and growth. The conflict between the characters and the intensity of the chess game keeps the audience invested in the scene.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The quick back-and-forth between the characters' moves and reactions keeps the scene dynamic.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and presents a conflict that drives the scene forward.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with Beth joining Jolene in the exercise yard, but it's not clear why they are there or what their purpose is in this scene. It would be helpful to establish their motivation or goal in this scene.
  • The dialogue between Jolene and Beth about the pills feels a bit repetitive and could be condensed. It's important to convey the information about Beth taking the pills at the wrong time and Jolene's warning, but it could be done more efficiently.
  • The transition to the basement and the introduction of Mr. Shaibel feels abrupt and disconnected from the previous scene. It would be beneficial to establish a smoother transition or connection between the exercise yard and the basement.
  • The interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel is intriguing, but the pacing of their conversation and the chess game feels rushed. It would be beneficial to slow down the pace and allow for more tension and development in their interaction.
  • The ending of the scene with Beth lying in bed and seeing chess pieces hanging from the ceiling is visually interesting, but it's not clear how this connects to the rest of the scene or what it signifies. It would be helpful to provide more context or explanation for this visual element.
Suggestions
  • Establish a clear goal or motivation for Beth and Jolene in the exercise yard scene. This could be done through dialogue or actions that show their intentions.
  • Condense the dialogue between Jolene and Beth about the pills to make it more concise and impactful.
  • Create a smoother transition or connection between the exercise yard and the basement scenes to improve the flow of the narrative.
  • Slow down the pacing of the interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel to allow for more tension and development in their conversation and chess game.
  • Provide more context or explanation for the visual element of the chess pieces hanging from the ceiling to enhance its significance and connection to the rest of the scene.



Scene 7 - The Queen's Gambit
65 INT. BASEMENT - DAY 65
BETH
--Checkmate.
Mr. Shaibel sits back, looks at her.
MR. SHAIBEL
There’s other strategies you’ll
need to learn down the road.
As he shows her the different variations:
28.
65 CONTINUED: 65
MR. SHAIBEL (CONT’D)
The Levenfish Variation...
(then)
The Najdorf Variation...
She watches, taking in every single move. He sits back.
MR. SHAIBEL (CONT’D)
Show me.
And now she starts moving the pieces as he did--
BETH
Levenfish...
(then)
Najdorff...
She looks at him, pleased with herself. He gives her nothing.
MR. SHAIBEL
Let’s play again.
He makes a move. She stares at the board.
BETH
That isn’t one you taught me.
MR. SHAIBEL
So?
BETH
Don’t you want me to practice?
MR. SHAIBEL
I want you to play.
BETH
But is that one of those things,
like the Sicilian Defense?
MR. SHAIBEL
Those things are called Openings.
BETH
Is that one of them?
MR. SHAIBEL
Yes.
(then)
The Queen’s Gambit.
66 INT. CAFETERIA - DAY 66
As Beth carries her tray. Jolene comes up behind her--
29.
66 CONTINUED: 66
JOLENE
You are the ugliest white girl
ever. Your nose is ugly and your
face is ugly and your skin is like
sandpaper. You white trash cracker
bitch.
Jolene moves on and sits down with the others, leaving Beth
standing there, saying nothing. Willing herself not to cry.
67 INT. GIRL’S WARD - NIGHT 67
Beth exits the bathroom and gets into her bed. Watches the
parade of girls exiting, the TOILET FLUSHING OVER AND OVER
O.S. Can feel Jolene’s eyes on her as she passes.
MR. FERGUSSEN
Good night, good night! Parting is
such sweet sorrow, that I shall say
good night till it be morrow.
And out go the lights.
68 OMITTED 68
69 INT. BASEMENT - DAY 69
Mr. Shaibel watches as a now tired Beth sits down.
MR. SHAIBEL
You’re late.
She looks at the board, the WHITE PIECES in front of HER.
BETH
I’m playing white?
MR. SHAIBEL
From now on we take turns. It’s the
way the game should be played.
BETH
Then how come I couldn’t go first
before?
He doesn’t answer, nods to the board. Move. She moves the
king’s pawn. Her eyes remain fixed on the board as they play.
Whatever she’d been feeling only a few moments earlier is
gone: she’s all killer now.
He looks up at her, the barest glance, then back down at the
board. It’s not long before--
BETH (CONT’D)
Check.
Another glance. He moves. And then--
30.
69 CONTINUED: 69
BETH (CONT’D)
Mate.
He looks up at her, but doesn’t scowl like he usually does
when she beats him. Instead, he reaches to the floor for a
nearly empty pint bottle. Tilts his head back and drinks.
BETH (CONT’D)
Is that whiskey?
MR. SHAIBEL
Yes, child. And don’t tell.
BETH
I won’t.
She follows the bottle as he sets it back down on the floor,
now grabs a heavy PAPERBACK off a shelf and hands it to her.
BETH (CONT’D)
Modern Chess Openings.
MR. SHAIBEL
It’s the best book for you. It will
tell you what you want to know.
Beth begins turning the pages and we glimpse headings such as
QUEEN’S PAWN OPENINGS and INDIAN DEFENSE SYSTEMS.
MR. SHAIBEL (CONT’D)
You’ll need to know chess notation
before you read it.
(off her look)
The names of the squares.
(then)
I’ll teach you now.
BETH
(looks up from the book)
Am I good enough now?
He starts to say something, then stops.
MR. SHAIBEL
How old are you?
BETH
Nine.
MR. SHAIBEL
Nine-years-old.
BETH
I’ll be ten in November.
He leans forward as much as his paunch will allow.
31.
69 CONTINUED: (2) 69
MR. SHAIBEL
To tell you the truth of it, child,
you are astounding.
70 INT. ENGLISH CLASS - DAY 70
MR. ESPERO, the English teacher, a tweedy aesthete in his
thirties, paces and reads at the front of the room...
MR. ESPERO
Nobody heard him, the dead man,/
but still he lay moaning...
TRACKING BACK PAST JOLENE who glances back TO WHERE Beth sits
at her desk, staring down at her lap...
BOOM DOWN TO REVEAL
Modern Chess Openings open under her desk.
MR. ESPERO (CONT’D)
I was much further out than you
thought/not waving but drowning.
71 INT. CORRIDOR - LATER 71
As the class exits the room. Jolene hisses at Beth...
JOLENE
Cracker.
BETH
Whore.
JOLENE
Bitch.
BETH
Nigger.
Jolene stops, turns and stares after Beth as she walks away.
72 INT. GIRLS' WARD - NIGHT 72
As Beth looks at the SIX GREEN PILLS in her hand and takes
THEM ALL. She lies back, rolls onto her side. PUSHING IN--
ALICE (V.O.)
The dark’s nothing to be afraid of.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Beth Harmon, a young girl, learns to play chess from Mr. Shaibel in the basement of the orphanage. After losing her queen, she is told to resign the game, but she insists on continuing. She eventually wins her first game against Mr. Shaibel, feeling a sense of accomplishment.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Engaging plot
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes the main character's passion for chess and her determination to improve. It also introduces a mentor figure and sets up a conflict between Beth and Mr. Shaibel. The emotional impact is high, and the scene moves the story forward by showing Beth's growth as a chess player.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a young girl learning chess in an orphanage is unique and intriguing. It allows for exploration of themes such as resilience, determination, and the power of mentorship.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around Beth's chess lessons with Mr. Shaibel and her first victory against him. It is engaging and well-paced, keeping the audience invested in Beth's journey as a chess prodigy.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a young girl learning chess is not entirely unique, the specific interactions and dialogue between the characters feel authentic and fresh. The characters' actions and dialogue reflect their individual personalities and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Beth and Mr. Shaibel, are well-developed and compelling. Beth's determination and Mr. Shaibel's mentorship provide a strong emotional core to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Beth undergoes a significant change in the scene, transitioning from a novice chess player to a more confident and skilled one. This sets up her character arc as she continues to grow and face challenges in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself and gain Mr. Shaibel's approval. This reflects her deeper need for validation and recognition of her talent and intelligence.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to learn and improve her chess skills. This reflects the immediate challenge of mastering the game and becoming a skilled player.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Beth battles her own self-doubt and the challenge of learning chess. There is also a subtle conflict between Beth and Mr. Shaibel as they navigate their mentor-student relationship.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces challenges and obstacles in learning and improving her chess skills. The audience is unsure of how she will overcome these challenges.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are primarily personal for Beth, as she strives to prove herself as a chess player. While not life-or-death, the outcome of the game and her growth as a player have significant implications for her future.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Beth's passion for chess and her determination to succeed. It also introduces important relationships and conflicts that will shape her journey.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a new challenge for the protagonist and raises questions about her abilities and future development. The audience does not know how she will overcome this challenge.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly as Beth experiences a sense of accomplishment after winning her first game. The audience can empathize with her journey and feel invested in her success.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the dynamics between Beth and Mr. Shaibel, as well as Beth's growing confidence in her chess skills.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces a conflict and raises questions about the protagonist's abilities and future development. The dialogue and actions between the characters create tension and anticipation.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of focus and intensity. The dialogue and actions move at a steady pace, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear setting and introduces the characters and their goals. The scene progresses with a clear conflict and resolution.


Critique
  • The transition from the exercise yard to the basement feels abrupt and could be smoother. Consider adding a transitional scene or dialogue to bridge the gap.
  • The interaction between Jolene and Fergussen feels unnecessary and doesn't contribute much to the overall story. Consider removing or reworking this part to focus more on Beth and Jolene's relationship.
  • The conversation between Beth and Jolene about the pills lacks depth and could be expanded upon. Explore their emotions and motivations more to make the scene more engaging.
  • The introduction of Mr. Shaibel and the chess game feels rushed. Take more time to establish their relationship and build tension before diving into the game.
  • The refusal of Mr. Shaibel to show Beth how he won the game feels abrupt and doesn't provide a satisfying resolution to their interaction. Consider adding more dialogue or actions to create a more satisfying conclusion.
  • The scene with Mrs. Deardorff scolding Beth for running in the halls feels disconnected from the rest of the scene. Consider integrating this conflict more seamlessly into the overall narrative.
  • The ending of the scene with Beth lying in bed and seeing chess pieces hanging from the ceiling is intriguing but could be further developed to create a stronger emotional impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transitional scene or dialogue to smoothly transition from the exercise yard to the basement.
  • Reevaluate the necessity of the interaction between Jolene and Fergussen and consider removing or reworking it to better serve the story.
  • Expand upon the conversation between Beth and Jolene about the pills to delve deeper into their emotions and motivations.
  • Take more time to establish the relationship between Beth and Mr. Shaibel before diving into the chess game.
  • Provide a more satisfying resolution to the interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel, such as showing him teaching her a valuable lesson or offering her guidance.
  • Integrate the conflict with Mrs. Deardorff scolding Beth for running in the halls more seamlessly into the overall narrative.
  • Further develop the ending of the scene with Beth lying in bed and seeing chess pieces hanging from the ceiling to create a stronger emotional impact.



Scene 8 - Learning Chess
73 INT. MOBILE HOME - NIGHT (FLASHBACK) 73
Beth and her mother lie on the couch in the dark.
32.
73 CONTINUED: 73
ALICE
In fact, I’d go as far as saying
there’s nothing to be afraid of,
anywhere. Fear is just a phantom.
(suddenly thoughtful)
Huh--
She sits up, turns on the light, grabs a pen and writes that
on the wall of the trailer. Beth watches her, looks about at
the other scribbles on the walls...
ALICE (CONT’D)
Fear is just a phantom...
She shuts off the light and lies back down with Beth. Rambles
on--
ALICE (CONT’D)
Strongest person is the person who
isn’t scared to be alone. See, it’s
other people you gotta worry about.
It’s other people that tell you
what to do, how to feel. And before
you know it you’re pouring your
life out in search of things other
people told you to go look for.
College is a waste of time. Only
relationship between college and
knowledge is that they rhyme. Hey--
She turns the light back on and starts to scribble that last
bon mot on the wall. Beth watches her a moment, then--
BETH
I thought you met papa in college.
ALICE
That’s how I know. Listen--
And as she once more shuts off the light, we--
74 CUT BACK TO THE GIRLS' WARD - DAY 74
Beth rolls onto her back.
ALICE (V.O.)
Someday you’re going to be all
alone. And you’ll need to figure
out how to take care of yourself.
Beth stares up at A LONE QUEEN hanging above her.
75 INT. BATHROOM - DAY 75
As Beth changes. No one else around. Until--
33.
75 CONTINUED: 75
JOLENE
Morning, Cracker.
Her voice is easy. No anger in it. She moves on--
BETH
Jolene.
Jolene pauses, steps over to her.
JOLENE
What do you want?
BETH
I want to know what a cocksucker
is.
Jolene stares at her a moment, then laughs.
JOLENE
Shit. Okay...
(then)
You know what a cock is?
BETH
I don’t think so.
JOLENE
That’s what boys have. In the back
of the health book. Like a thumb.
(Beth nods)
Well, honey, there’s girls likes to
suck on that thumb.
BETH
Do you?
JOLENE
Haven’t tried one yet.
Beth thinks about that, then--
BETH
Isn’t that where they pee?
JOLENE
I expect it wipes clean.
And she walks off, stranding Beth with her thoughts.
76 INT. BASEMENT - MORNING 76
FOLLOW BETH down the stairs to where a nice looking MAN --
striped suit, tie, stands in the basement with Mr. Shaibel.
34.
76 CONTINUED: 76
MR. SHAIBEL
This is Mr. Ganz, from the chess
club.
BETH
Chess club?
MR. SHAIBEL
We play at a club.
MR. GANZ
I’m also coach of the high school
team. Duncan High?
She shakes her head, doesn’t know it.
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
Would you like to play me a game?
In answer, Beth sits down on the milk crate. Mr. Shaibel
eases himself into a folding chair beside the board as Mr.
Ganz takes the janitor’s usual stool across from her.
He reaches forward in a quick nervous movement and picks up
one black and one white pawn. He cups his hand around them,
shakes them together, then extends both arms towards Beth,
his fists clenched. She just looks at him.
MR. SHAIBEL
You play the color you choose.
She reaches out and barely touches Mr. Ganz’s left hand.
BETH
This one.
He opens it to reveal the black pawn. Smiles--
MR. GANZ
Sorry.
Mr. Ganz puts the pawns back and rotates the board. He makes
a move. She calmly responds. PAN AWAY NOW TO MR. SHAIBEL WHO
watches intently, almost nervously. His glances alternating
between the board and Beth. PAN PAST MR. GANZ who no longer
smiles. After a few more moves, he lays down his King.
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
Well...
(quick glance at Mr.
Shaibel, then)
You certainly know the game, young
lady. Do you have a team here?
She looks at him uncomprehending.
35.
76 CONTINUED: (2) 76
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
The other girls. Do they have a
chess club?
BETH
No.
MR. GANZ
Then where do you play?
BETH
Down here.
MR. GANZ
Mr. Shaibel said you play a few
games every Sunday. What do you do
in between?
BETH
Nothing.
MR. GANZ
But how do you keep up?
BETH
I play in my head.
MR. GANZ
In your head.
BETH
On the ceiling.
He doesn’t know how to respond to that, glances up.
BETH (CONT’D)
Do you want to play another?
He hesitates. Mr. Shaibel looks at him.
MR. SHAIBEL
Now or never, Mr. Ganz. Beth has
class.
MR. GANZ
Alright. It’s your turn to play
white.
They start again. After the first few moves, he nods.
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
The Reti Opening.
Again, Mr. Shaibel watches the board, watches Beth. After a
shorter period than last time--
36.
76 CONTINUED: (3) 76
BETH
Mate in three.
Mr. Ganz stares at the board. She demonstrates. Looks up at
him. As does Mr. Shaibel. Mr. Ganz topples his king, shakes
his head in disbelief.
MR. GANZ
I’ve never seen anything like it.
He stands up and walks to the furnace where Beth now sees a
SMALL SHOPPING BAG hanging.
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
I have to go now. But I brought you
a present.
He hands her the shopping bag. She looks inside, no doubt
hoping to see another chess book. Something is wrapped in
pink tissue paper.
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
Go ahead. Unwrap it.
She lifts it out, pulls away the loosely wrapped paper to
reveal A PINK DOLL in a blue print dress with blond hair,
puckered up mouth. Beth holds it by the arm a moment and
looks at it.
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
Well?
She sees Mr. Shaibel giving her a look.
BETH
Thank you very much.
(then)
Do you want another game?
MR. GANZ
I really have to go. Maybe I’ll
come back next week.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Beth Harmon learns to play chess from Mr. Shaibel in the basement of the orphanage. She shows determination and eventually wins her first game against Mr. Ganz. Meanwhile, in a flashback, Beth's mother imparts wisdom about fear and independence.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Exploration of chess as a metaphor
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces the game of chess and showcases Beth's growth and determination. The flashback adds depth to Beth's character and provides insight into her motivations. The dialogue is engaging and informative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using chess as a metaphor for life is intriguing and adds depth to the story. The scene effectively introduces the concept and showcases Beth's passion for the game.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Beth learning and playing chess. It effectively shows her determination and growth in the game. However, the plot could benefit from more conflict or obstacles to increase tension.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a conversation between a mother and daughter in a mobile home is not entirely unique, the dialogue and themes explored, such as fear and being alone, provide a fresh approach to familiar situations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Beth and Mr. Shaibel, are well-developed and engaging. Beth's determination and Mr. Shaibel's mentorship add depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 7

Beth shows growth and determination in learning chess, which is a significant character change. However, more exploration of her emotional journey and transformation would enhance the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and process her mother's perspective on fear and being alone. This reflects Beth's deeper need for guidance and reassurance, as well as her fear of being alone.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not clearly defined. The immediate circumstances or challenges she's facing are not explicitly mentioned.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is relatively low, with the main focus being on Beth's determination to improve in chess. More conflict or obstacles could increase tension and engagement.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. There are no significant obstacles or conflicts that the protagonist must overcome. The conversation between the mother and daughter is more focused on exploring different perspectives and beliefs.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing on Beth's personal growth and achievement in chess. More high-stakes elements or conflicts could increase tension and engagement.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Beth's progress in chess and her growing passion for the game. However, more significant plot developments or revelations could enhance the story progression.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces unexpected perspectives on fear and being alone. However, the overall plot and character development are not significantly surprising or unexpected.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the contrasting beliefs about fear and being alone. Alice believes that fear is just a phantom and that the strongest person is the one who isn't scared to be alone. This challenges Beth's beliefs and values, as she is unsure about being alone and seeks guidance from her mother.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, particularly in the flashback where Beth's mother imparts wisdom. However, there is room for more emotional depth and resonance.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and informative. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and motivations. The conversation between Beth and her mother in the flashback is particularly thought-provoking.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it explores the complex relationship between the mother and daughter, as well as the philosophical conflict surrounding fear and being alone. The dialogue is thought-provoking and the characters' emotions are palpable, drawing the reader or viewer into the scene.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for moments of reflection and introspection, as well as moments of dialogue and action. The rhythm of the scene flows smoothly, keeping the reader or viewer engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The scene is well-organized and easy to read.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, followed by character actions and dialogue. The scene transitions smoothly between different locations and characters.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Beth joining Jolene in the exercise yard, which is a good way to establish the setting and the characters' relationship.
  • The conversation between Jolene and Beth about the pills is important for character development and foreshadowing, but it could be more concise and focused.
  • Jolene lifting a cigarette and flirting with Fergussen seems out of place and doesn't add much to the scene. It could be removed or replaced with something more relevant.
  • The transition to Beth cleaning erasers in the basement and watching Mr. Shaibel play chess is a bit abrupt. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition or a clearer connection between the two scenes.
  • The interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel is intriguing, but it could use more tension and conflict. Their conversation feels too straightforward and lacks depth.
  • The refusal of Mr. Shaibel to show Beth how he won the chess game is a missed opportunity for a more dramatic moment. It would be more impactful if there was a stronger reason for his refusal or if it revealed something about his character.
  • The scene ends with Beth lying in bed, taking a pill, and seeing chess pieces hanging from the ceiling. This visual element is interesting and adds a layer of symbolism to the scene.
  • Overall, the emotional tone of the scene is a mix of curiosity, caution, and frustration. There is potential to heighten the emotional stakes and create more tension.
  • Some key pieces of dialogue in this scene include Jolene warning Beth about taking the pills at the wrong time and advising her to be careful. Beth also asks Jolene about the meaning of a derogatory term. The conversation between Beth and Mr. Shaibel revolves around chess and Beth's interest in learning from him.
  • To improve the scene, consider tightening the dialogue and focusing on the most important elements. Create more conflict and tension between the characters, especially in the interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel. Explore the emotional journey of Beth more deeply and use visual elements to enhance the storytelling.
Suggestions
  • Consider removing or replacing the scene with Jolene lifting a cigarette and flirting with Fergussen to make the scene more focused.
  • Find a smoother transition or a clearer connection between the exercise yard and the basement scenes.
  • Add more tension and conflict to the conversation between Beth and Mr. Shaibel.
  • Give a stronger reason for Mr. Shaibel's refusal to show Beth how he won the chess game or use it to reveal something about his character.
  • Explore the emotional journey of Beth more deeply and use visual elements to enhance the storytelling.



Scene 9 - Beth's Chess Triumph
77 INT. CORRIDOR - LATER 77
Beth emerges from the basement with the doll. TRACKING BACK
with her as a trash can comes into f.g. She drops the doll
into it as she passes.
78 INT. HEALTH CLASS - DAY 78
MR. HUME at the front of the room writes the name of various
vegetables on the board...
37.
78 CONTINUED: 78
MR. HUME
You should have green leafy
vegetables at least once a day,
legumes a few times a week, and
stay away from tobacco and any and
all forms of alcohol. They will
counter all the good effects and
vitamins you get from greens. I
also like to inspect my stool at
least three times a week. It should
appear firm, but not hard, a clear
sign of dehydration...
GIGGLES. Beth stares at the HEALTH BOOK on her desk, has
flipped to the back. One page is a woman and the facing page
is a man. Line drawings with shadings. Beth stares at the
two.
She looks out the window as Mr. Hume drones on. The pink
Japonicas are blooming. She looks at the trees a moment.
Trying to make sense of the pictures she’s just seen.
79 EXT. METHUEN HOME - DAY 79
The kids are all out in the sunshine. Beth is off by herself,
staring off at the fence. The local kids are there, watching
the Methuen kids. One waves. She’s walking toward them, when--
MRS. DEARDORFF
Hooligans.
She turns and sees Mrs. Deardorff standing there. The other
children already heading back inside behind her.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
There’s only trouble on that side
of the fence.
The town kids melt into the woods. Mrs. Deardorff looks down
at Beth.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
But on this side... there’s love.
Friendships. Family. All you need
is right here, with us.
(then)
Unless, of course, we’re not enough
for you.
And with that, she turns and heads back inside. Over her
shoulder...
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
Come along now.
38.


80 INT. GIRLS' WARD - NIGHT 80
Beth takes several of the green pills. Lies back and begins
to play on the ceiling.
MR. GANZ (V.O.)
I brought my own set...
81 CUT TO A WOODEN BOX 81
As it’s opened to reveal polished wooden chess pieces nestled
in red felt. As they’re lifted out, we WIDEN TO REVEAL:
THE BASEMENT. A chess board of black and white squares now
set up on the table. Nobody speaks while...
Mr. Shaibel, having set up his board in the usual place, now
sets another milk crate for Mr. Ganz’s board, the two boards
side by side. Beth sits on a crate in the foot or so of space
between them. None of them speak.
Beth reaches out and hefts one of the wooden knights, feels
the weight of it, looks at the fine wood grain, the felt at
the bottom. She instantly wants this chess set.
Mr. Ganz gently takes back the knight from Beth’s hand and
sets it on its home square.
MR. GANZ
We thought you could play us both.
BETH
At the same time?
He nods. She has white for both games. She makes a move on
each board. As they both respond, She doesn’t even have to
pause to think about the continuations for either board.
She makes her moves and now looks out the window and waits.
She seems deeply relaxed, almost in a dream.
MR. GANZ
Beth? I’ve moved my bishop to
bishop 5.
BETH
(not looking)
Knight to K-5.
He nods, studies the board, moves--
MR. GANZ
Bishop to Knight four.
BETH
Queen to queen four.
39.
81 CONTINUED: 81
She still hasn’t looked at the board. The bush and its pink
blossoms outside the high window has her attention.
MR. SHAIBEL
Knight to queen’s bishop three.
BETH
Bishop to knight five.
As opposed to Mr. Shaibel’s gruff tone, Mr. Ganz’s voice now
has a strange softness...
MR. GANZ
Pawn to knight three.
BETH
Queen to rook four check.
Behind her, JUST OUT OF FOCUS, Mr. Ganz inhales sharply. A
moment, then--
MR. GANZ
King to bishop one.
BETH
(still not turning)
That’s mate in three. First check
is with the knight. The king has
the two dark squares, and the
bishop checks it. Then the knight
mates.
MR. GANZ
Sweet Jesus.
He shakes his head, checks his watch.
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
I have to go now.
He stands, grabs his satchel, remembers something, pulls out
a CAMERA... looks at Beth...
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
Would you mind, Beth, if I took
your picture? I’d love to tell the
kids in the chess club about you.
She’s not sure. Looks at Mr. Shaibel.
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
How about you stand beside Mr.
Shaibel?
She gets up, moves to Mr. Shaibel’s side. Both are awkward.
She rests her hand on his shoulder. Startling him.
40.
81 CONTINUED: (2) 81
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
Say... Queen!
Mr. Shaibel says nothing, but--
BETH
(flat)
Queen.
A FLASH AND--
82 INT. COMMON ROOM - DAY 82
The kids are all watching a movie called “HOW TO ACT AT
DINNERTIME.”
ON BETH
Watching the movie with a bored detachment as now behind her
Fergussen makes his way into the room and scans their faces.
He spots Beth, sitting with Jolene. He leans over the older
girl and taps Beth on the shoulder.
Jolene notes the closeness of his lean, gives him a look, as
Beth gets up and follows Fergussen out of the room--
83 INT. CORRIDOR - DAY 83
A frightened Beth follows a silent as usual Fergussen, her
thick brown shoes squeaking on the linoleum behind him.
He leads her to the door with the frosted glass window, HELEN
DEARDORFF. SUPERINTENDANT. Beth takes a breath--
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary After learning to play chess and improving her skills, Beth wins her first game against Mr. Shaibel. Meanwhile, she receives a lecture about healthy eating in health class and faces disapproval from Mrs. Deardorff. Later, she poses for a picture with Mr. Ganz and Mr. Shaibel.
Strengths
  • Compelling character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective portrayal of Beth's determination and passion for chess
Weaknesses
  • Repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of significant character change

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively showcases Beth's growth and accomplishment in chess, while also highlighting the challenges she faces in other aspects of her life. The dialogue and interactions between characters are engaging and reveal important information about Beth's character and her relationships with others.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a young girl learning and excelling at chess is intriguing and provides a unique angle for the story. The scene effectively explores the theme of determination and showcases the contrast between Beth's passion for chess and her disinterest in other subjects.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Beth's chess triumph and her interactions with other characters. It effectively moves the story forward by highlighting Beth's growth and setting up future conflicts and challenges.

Originality: 5

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a sense of realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Beth, Mr. Shaibel, Mr. Ganz, and Mrs. Deardorff, are well-developed and their interactions reveal important aspects of their personalities and relationships. Beth's determination and passion for chess are particularly compelling.

Character Changes: 7

Beth experiences a small character change as she becomes more confident and determined in her chess skills. However, the change is not as significant or transformative as it could be.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Beth is searching for a sense of belonging and understanding. She is trying to make sense of the pictures in the health book and is looking for connections and answers.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not clearly defined. However, it can be assumed that Beth is trying to navigate her surroundings and find her place within the different locations she is in.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Beth faces challenges and disapproval from Mrs. Deardorff. There is also a subtle conflict between Beth's passion for chess and her disinterest in other subjects.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. There are no major obstacles or conflicts that the protagonist faces.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, as the focus is primarily on Beth's personal growth and triumph in chess. However, the scene sets up potential higher stakes and conflicts in the future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Beth's growth in chess and setting up future conflicts and challenges. It also provides important information about Beth's relationships and the challenges she faces in the orphanage.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces new characters and situations that are not fully explained or resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from Beth's determination and sense of accomplishment to her frustration and fear. However, the emotional impact could be heightened with more intense and nuanced performances.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is realistic and effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations. However, there are some moments where the dialogue feels slightly repetitive or unnecessary.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces various locations and characters, creating a sense of curiosity and anticipation for what will happen next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by allowing for moments of introspection and reflection, as well as introducing new information and characters at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly formatted with scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict. It jumps between different locations and interactions without a clear purpose or direction.
  • The dialogue between Beth and Jolene about the pills feels forced and unnatural. It could be more subtle and nuanced to reflect the characters' emotions and motivations.
  • The transition from the exercise yard to the basement feels abrupt and disjointed. There needs to be a smoother transition to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel lacks depth and emotional resonance. It feels rushed and underdeveloped.
  • The resolution of the conflict between Beth and Mrs. Deardorff is unsatisfying. It lacks a meaningful resolution or consequence.
  • The ending of the scene with Beth taking a pill and seeing chess pieces hanging from the ceiling is confusing and lacks clarity. It needs to be better integrated into the overall narrative.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is inconsistent. It shifts between light-hearted banter, serious discussions about pills, and tense moments during the chess game.
  • The visual elements and actions in the scene are not effectively utilized to enhance the storytelling. There is a missed opportunity to use visuals to convey emotions and themes.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. Some moments feel rushed while others drag on without purpose.
  • The dialogue lacks subtext and depth. It needs to be more layered and reflective of the characters' inner thoughts and conflicts.
Suggestions
  • Refocus the scene to have a clear central conflict or objective for the characters to pursue.
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Beth and Jolene to be more natural and reflective of their emotions and motivations.
  • Smoothly transition between different locations and interactions to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • Develop the interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel to have more depth and emotional resonance.
  • Provide a meaningful resolution or consequence to the conflict between Beth and Mrs. Deardorff.
  • Integrate the ending with Beth taking a pill and seeing chess pieces hanging from the ceiling more effectively into the overall narrative.
  • Establish a consistent emotional tone throughout the scene to create a cohesive atmosphere.
  • Utilize visual elements and actions to enhance the storytelling and convey emotions and themes.
  • Improve the pacing of the scene by balancing the timing of different moments and actions.
  • Add subtext and depth to the dialogue to reveal the characters' inner thoughts and conflicts.



Scene 10 - Chess Challenge
84 INT. MRS. DEARDORFF’S OFFICE - SAME 84
Beth walks in and sees Mr. Ganz -- in a brown suit -- smile
self-consciously and half rise from a red armchair, but sit
back down as--
MRS. DEARDORFF
Close the door, please, Elizabeth.
Beth closes the door, looks at Mrs. Deardorff, seated at the
desk, peering at her over tortoise shell glasses.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
Mr. Ganz tells me that you are a--
(adjusts her glasses)
--gifted child.
Mrs. Deardorff looks at her as if she expects her to deny it.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
He has an unusual request to make.
He would like you to be taken to
the high school on...
41.
84 CONTINUED: 84
She looks at Mr. Ganz.
MR. GANZ
On Thursday.
MRS. DEARDORFF
On Thursday. In the afternoon. He
maintains that you are a phenomenal
chess player. He would like you to
perform for the chess club.
Beth says nothing, still frightened.
MR. GANZ
We have a dozen members, and I was
suggesting to Mrs. Deardorff that
you come and play all of them in a
simultaneous.
BETH
In a what?
MR. GANZ
At the same time.
MRS. DEARDORFF
We like to give our girls a chance
for experience outside whenever we
can.
Beth looks at her. Really?
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
But... I am a bit wary of letting
Elizabeth go off to the local high
school.
MR. GANZ
I would chaperone. I’d pick her up
and bring her to the school, then
bring her straight back here.
MRS. DEARDORFF
I was thinking a young lady might
also accompany her.
MR. GANZ
I assumed that you would come. As
my guest.
Beth watches as Mrs. Deardorff blushes at that one.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Oh, no... I couldn’t possibly
abandon my duties here.
42.
84 CONTINUED: (2) 84
MR. GANZ
Well then what if Shirley Munson,
club treasurer and one of my best
students, comes along?
Mrs. Deardorff processes that a moment--
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
I’m sure I could get someone from
the local paper to be there, write
it up. I imagine that it could be a
very good thing, fund raising wise,
to have a story like this.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Yes, I’m sure it would be.
He gives her a warm smile.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
What do you say Elizabeth? Do you
want to go play chess at the high
school?
BETH
Yes. I’d like to.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Okay. It’s settled, then. Mr. Ganz
and-- Charlotte, did you say?
MR. GANZ
Shirley.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Shirley yes. They will pick you up,
let’s say, after lunch on Thursday?
MR. GANZ
Perfect.
He gets up to go. Smiles at Beth.
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
See you then.
He leaves and Beth is turning to follow when--
MRS. DEARDORFF
Elizabeth.
Beth turns back, now alone with Mrs. Deardorff.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
I’m told that you’ve been playing
chess with our custodian.
43.
84 CONTINUED: (3) 84
Beth isn’t sure what to say
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
With Mr. Shaibel.
BETH
Yes, ma’am.
MRS. DEARDORFF
This is very irregular, Elizabeth.
Have you gone to the basement?
BETH
Yes, ma’am.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Well, we can’t have that. As much
as Methuen believes in excellence,
we can’t have you playing chess in
the basement.
Beth looks crestfallen as a PHONE BEGINS RINGING IN THE OUTER
OFFICE.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
I believe we have chess sets in the
game closet. I’ll have Fergussen
look into it.
And now a LIGHT BEGINS TO FLASH on the phone on her desk. She
reaches for the phone as--
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
That will be all, Elizabeth. Mind
your manners at the high school and
be sure your nails are clean.
85 INT. LIBRARY - DAY 85
Beth opens a dictionary, rifles the pages until she finds
what she’s looking for--
INSERT - DEFINITION
...of the word “phenomenal.” Beth’s finger runs under the
descriptives: extraordinary... outstanding... remarkable...
BETH
Looks up, thoughtful.

86 OMITTED 86
44.


87 INT. MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM - “VITAMIN LINE” - MORNING 87
As Fergussen hands Beth the little paper cup. She turns to
go, looks down into it, sees TWO ORANGE VITAMIN TABLETS and
turns back to him.
BETH
There’s one missing.
FERGUSSEN
That’s it. Next.
Beth doesn’t move as the girl behind her pushes against her.
GIRL BEHIND HER
It’s my turn, Harmon.
BETH
Where are the green ones?
FERGUSSEN
You don’t get them anymore.
Beth stands on tiptoe, looks behind Fergussen to the BIG
GLASS JAR FULL OF GREEN PILLS. Still there and still nearly a
third full. She points at it--
BETH
There they are. Right behind you.
FERGUSSEN
I know where they are, Harmon. But
I’m not giving you any. It’s a new
State law-- No more tranquilizers
for kids. Go figure.
GIRL BEHIND HER
Harmon. It’s my turn.
Fergussen waves at her.
FERGUSSEN
Go thou further off; bid me
farewell and let me hear thee
going.
BETH
What?
FERGUSSEN
Beat it.
88 INT. GIRLS' WARD - NIGHT 88
Beth tries to sleep, but can’t. She leans over, peers into
her toothbrush holder. ONLY ONE PILL LEFT. She hesitates,
then takes it.
45.


89 INT. CAFETERIA - MORNING 89
Beth eats, notices that her hands are shaking. Under the
table, her legs bounce, she crosses them over twice.
90 INT. MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM - DAY 90
As Beth walks by the pharmacy window, sees the JAR OF PILLS
still sitting there, over half full.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Beth Harmon is approached by Mr. Ganz who wants her to perform for the chess club at the high school. Mrs. Deardorff is hesitant but agrees to let Beth go with Mr. Ganz and Shirley Munson. However, Mrs. Deardorff disapproves of Beth playing chess with Mr. Shaibel in the basement and insists that she plays in the game closet instead. Beth is shown taking medication and experiencing withdrawal symptoms. She notices the jar of pills in the pharmacy window and confronts Fergussen about it.
Strengths
  • Effective conflict
  • Tension building
  • Exploration of addiction struggle
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of depth in dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces conflict and raises the stakes for Beth. It also highlights her determination and the challenges she faces due to her addiction. However, there are some weaknesses in the dialogue and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a young girl with exceptional chess skills and addiction to medication is intriguing and unique. However, it could be further developed to explore the psychological aspects in more depth.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Beth is given the opportunity to showcase her chess skills at the high school. The conflict between Mrs. Deardorff and Beth adds tension to the scene.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a talented student being asked to perform for a club is not entirely unique, the specific details and interactions between the characters add freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Beth's determination and Mrs. Deardorff's disapproval are well portrayed. However, there is room for further development of the characters' motivations and emotions.

Character Changes: 6

Beth experiences withdrawal symptoms and shows determination to pursue her passion for chess. However, the extent of character change is limited in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome her fear and agree to play chess at the high school. This reflects her deeper need for validation and recognition of her talent.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to agree to play chess at the high school and perform for the chess club. This reflects the immediate challenge of stepping out of her comfort zone and showcasing her talent.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Mrs. Deardorff and Beth, as well as Beth's internal struggle with addiction, creates a high level of conflict in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate, as the protagonist faces resistance from Mrs. Deardorff but ultimately overcomes it.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised for Beth as she is given the opportunity to perform for the chess club, but also faces disapproval and struggles with addiction.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by presenting Beth with a new opportunity and highlighting her addiction struggle. It sets up future conflicts and challenges.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it introduces a new opportunity for the protagonist and leaves the audience wondering how she will respond.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of fear, determination, and anxiety. However, there is room for deeper emotional impact.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is functional but lacks depth and nuance. It could be improved to better convey the characters' emotions and motivations.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict and raises questions about the protagonist's abilities and future actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and anticipation through the dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, dialogue formatting, and scene transitions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with Beth joining Jolene in the exercise yard, but it is not clear why they are there or what their relationship is. It would be helpful to provide some context or backstory to establish their connection.
  • The conversation between Jolene and Beth about the pills feels a bit repetitive and could be condensed. It would be more effective to focus on the warning about getting too used to the feeling and the potential consequences of taking the pills at the wrong time.
  • The transition to Beth cleaning erasers in the basement and watching Mr. Shaibel play chess feels abrupt and disconnected from the previous scene. It would be beneficial to establish a stronger link between the exercise yard conversation and the chess game.
  • The interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel lacks depth and emotional resonance. It would be more engaging to explore their dynamic further and delve into their motivations and desires.
  • The resolution of the conflict between Beth and Mr. Shaibel is unsatisfying. It would be more compelling to have a clearer resolution or a cliffhanger that leaves the audience wanting more.
  • The scene ends with Beth taking a pill and seeing chess pieces hanging from the ceiling, but it is not clear what this visual symbolizes or how it connects to the rest of the scene. It would be helpful to provide more context or foreshadowing to enhance the impact of this moment.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context or backstory to establish the relationship between Beth and Jolene in the exercise yard.
  • Condense the conversation about the pills and focus on the warning and potential consequences.
  • Establish a stronger link between the exercise yard conversation and the chess game in the basement.
  • Explore the dynamic between Beth and Mr. Shaibel in more depth and delve into their motivations and desires.
  • Create a clearer resolution or a cliffhanger in the conflict between Beth and Mr. Shaibel.
  • Provide more context or foreshadowing to enhance the impact of the visual of chess pieces hanging from the ceiling.



Scene 11 - Beth's First Chess Exhibition
91 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT 91
Beth stands at the sink brushing her teeth when Jolene comes
up to the sink beside her, begins brushing her own teeth.
JOLENE
I hear tell you’re going to exhibit
yourself.
Beth looks at her.
JOLENE (CONT’D)
Going to play chess in front of
people.
BETH
Who told you?
JOLENE
Child, I just know things.
BETH
Did Mrs. Deardorff tell you?
JOLENE
Never go near that lady. It was
Fergussen. He told me you were
going to the high school downtown.
Day after tomorrow.
BETH
Fergussen?
JOLENE
As you well know, he and I been
friendly from time to time.
(then)
I appreciate you keeping your mouth
shut. I wasn’t sure you could.
Beth nods. Jolene resumes brushing...
BETH
Did Fergussen give you any green
pills? Extra ones?
Jolene turns and looks at her hard. Then her face softens.
46.
91 CONTINUED: 91
JOLENE
No, honey. I wish he would. But
they got the whole state after ‘em
for what they been doing with those
pills.
BETH
They’re still there. In the big
jar.
JOLENE
That a fact? I ain’t noticed.
(keeps looking at Beth)
You having withdraw symptoms?
BETH
I don’t know. What are those?
JOLENE
You getting edgy?
(then)
Yeah, you are.
Jolene finishes drying her hair. Beth stares up at her, the
light coming behind her frizzy hair, her big wide eyes. Beth
looks at herself in the mirror, far less impressed.
JOLENE (CONT’D)
You look around, they’ll be some
jumpy orphans around here the next
few days.
92 INT. GIRLS' WARD - DAWN 92
Beth lies in bed, wide awake. Staring at an empty ceiling.
93 EXT. METHUEN HOME - DAY 93
As a car pulls up. And now Mr. Ganz gets out followed by a
big, sweet-faced girl -- SHIRLEY MUNSON.
94 INT. GIRLS’ WARD - DAY 94
Beth sits on her bed, her face in her hands when Fergussen
appears in the doorway--
FERGUSSEN
Harmon?
(she looks up at him)
You alright?
She nods, gets up.
95 INT. METHUEN HOME - CORRIDOR - DAY 95
As a pale Beth walks behind Mr. Ganz and Shirley. The big
girl looks back--
47.
95 CONTINUED: 95
SHIRLEY
Do you play the King’s Gambit?
BETH
No.
SHIRLEY
It’s my favorite.
Beth nods distractedly.
SHIRLEY (CONT’D)
Did you know Chess is older than
Checkers?
BETH
No.
SHIRLEY
By like four hundred years.
They’re at the front door when--
JOLENE (V.O.)
Wait!
They all turn to see Jolene come running up to them. She
gives Mr. Ganz one of her sly smiles...
JOLENE
Is it okay if I talk to Beth for
just a second? Wish her luck?
MR. GANZ
(checks his watch, then)
Sure. Go ahead.
Jolene takes Beth hastily aside and puts something in Beth’s
hand. Kisses her on the forehead.
JOLENE
Good luck.
She then waves at Mr. Ganz, and skips off to class. Beth
looks at her hand, sees THREE GREEN PILLS.
96 INT. DUNCAN HIGH SCHOOL - DAY 96
Quiet as Beth now follows Shirley and Mr. Ganz through the
school. She takes in the posters and banners that line the
walls. The trophy cases. Another world. All of this--
97 INT. DUNCAN HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY 97
A SERIES OF SHOTS-- Desks stacked in a corner. Three folding
tables set up in the shape of a U in the center of the room.
48.
97 CONTINUED: 97
On each table are four green and beige paper chessboards with
plastic pieces. Metal chairs sit inside the U, facing the
black pieces. And finally, “WELCOME BETH HARMON” written on
the blackboard.
Beth stands in the room, taking it all in. A BELL RINGS and
now the hallway echoes with FOOTSTEPS and SHOUTS. Students,
mostly boys, begin to come into the classroom. Some big as
men.
Beth is half the size of these easy, insolent students with
their loud voices and their bright sweaters. The room fills
until Beth is blocked by their bodies and she disappears.
MR. GANZ
Take your seats and be quiet,
please.
As they all begin to sit and REVEAL HER ONCE MORE.
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
Charles Levy will take Board Number
One since he’s our top player.
Beth looks at CHARLES LEVY as he takes his proper seat.
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
The rest can sit where they want to.
There will be no talking during play.
And like that, everyone is quiet and looking at Beth. She
looks back at them, something rising in her face. Hatred.
BETH
Do I start now?
MR. GANZ
With board number one.
BETH
And then I go to the next one?
MR. GANZ
That’s right.
She steps over to the first board where Charles Levy sits,
picks up the king’s pawn and moves it to the fourth rank.
She goes from board to board making the same move. At one
point she hesitates as she sees no one is responding. She
looks at Mr. Ganz--
MR. GANZ (CONT’D)
They can’t respond until you’ve
opened at every board.
49.
97 CONTINUED: (2) 97
Oh. She continues making her opening move on each board. She
gets to the last board, moves, then turns and watches as
everyone responds at once. She starts going around again...
BETH (V.O.)
What surprised me was how bad they
played...
98 INT. BASEMENT - DAY 98
Beth sits across from Mr. Shaibel eating a box of chocolate--
BETH
They left backward pawns all over
the place, and their pieces were
wide open for forks.
99 INT. DUNCAN HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY 99
As Beth moves from board to board. Boys wander in from the
hallway and line up along the back wall to watch the girl
from the orphanage...
BETH (V.O.)
A few of them tried stupid mating
attacks...
100 INT. BASEMENT - DAY 100
Beth shrugs, eats another chocolate--
BETH
...but I took care of them.
(chews a moment, then)
This boy, Charles Levy? He was
supposed to be the best...
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Beth Harmon prepares for her first chess exhibition at Duncan High School. She receives encouragement from Jolene and secretly obtains green pills from Fergussen. At the high school, Beth is met with a mix of curiosity and disdain from the other students. She confidently makes her opening moves on each chessboard, surprising everyone with her skill.
Strengths
  • Building anticipation for Beth's first exhibition
  • Introducing new elements that add intrigue to the story
Weaknesses
  • Lack of standout dialogue moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds anticipation for Beth's first chess exhibition and introduces new elements that add intrigue to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Beth's first chess exhibition is engaging and sets up a pivotal moment in her journey as a chess prodigy.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Beth prepares for her exhibition and faces challenges from Mrs. Deardorff and her withdrawal symptoms.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a layer of originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Beth's character remains consistent in this scene, with no significant changes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to keep her chess playing and her use of green pills a secret. This reflects her deeper need for control and her fear of being exposed or judged.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully navigate her first day at the high school and impress her peers with her chess skills. This reflects the immediate challenge of fitting in and proving herself in a new environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between Beth and the other students at the high school, but it is not the central focus of the scene.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there are no major obstacles, the mention of Mrs. Deardorff and the potential judgment from her peers create a sense of opposition and challenge for Beth.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as Beth prepares for her first exhibition and faces disapproval from Mrs. Deardorff.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Beth's progress in chess and introducing new challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information about the green pills and leaves the audience wondering how Beth will navigate her first day at the high school.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of anticipation and curiosity, but does not elicit strong emotional responses.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is functional and helps convey important information, but lacks standout moments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a new setting and characters, creates intrigue with the mention of green pills and chess playing, and ends with a cliffhanger as Beth receives the pills.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and anticipation as Beth prepares for her first day at the high school.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a specific location and time, introduces the characters and their dialogue, and progresses to the next location and time.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict. It jumps between different interactions and events without a clear throughline.
  • The dialogue between Beth and Jolene about the pills feels forced and unnatural. It could be more subtly integrated into the conversation.
  • The transition from the exercise yard to the basement feels abrupt and disjointed. There needs to be a smoother transition or connection between the two locations.
  • The interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel lacks depth and emotional resonance. It feels like a missed opportunity to explore their relationship further.
  • The resolution of the conflict between Beth and Mrs. Deardorff is too quick and lacks impact. It could be more dramatic or meaningful.
  • The ending with Beth taking a pill and seeing chess pieces hanging from the ceiling feels cliché and predictable. It could be more creatively executed.
  • Overall, the scene lacks a strong sense of purpose or direction. It needs clearer goals and conflicts to drive the narrative forward.
Suggestions
  • Refocus the scene on a central conflict or goal for Beth to pursue.
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Beth and Jolene to make it more natural and integrated into the conversation.
  • Create a smoother transition or connection between the exercise yard and the basement.
  • Develop the interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel to add depth and emotional resonance.
  • Revise the resolution of the conflict between Beth and Mrs. Deardorff to make it more impactful.
  • Find a more unique and creative way to end the scene, avoiding clichés.
  • Clarify the overall purpose and direction of the scene to give it a stronger narrative drive.



Scene 12 - Beth's Triumph and Descent
101 INT. DUNCAN HIGH SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY 101
As Beth calmly takes apart the Chess Club Number One...
BETH (V.O.)
I had his pieces tied up in fifteen
moves. I mated him in six more with
a knight-rook combination.
As Beth moves from board to board, the energy of her amazing
mind crackles in the room for everyone bearing witness. She
beats the last player, steps back and looks around her--
BETH (V.O.)
Mr. Ganz told me that I beat them
all in an hour and twenty minutes.
Captured pieces sit in clusters beside each board. A few
students stare at her, but most avoid her eyes. They’re
afraid of her. SCATTERED APPLAUSE and--
50.
101 CONTINUED: 101
BETH (V.O.)
It felt good.
102 INT. BASEMENT - DAY 102
Beth reaches for another chocolate, looks at the box.
BETH
I’ve never won anything before.

REVERSE ON MR. SHAIBEL
Quietly watching her. What’s that on his face? Concern?
Admiration? Both? Hard to say. Finally--
MR. SHAIBEL
You should get back.
She gets up, slides the box his way.
BETH
You can have the rest.
She leaves. He stares at the box. Lost in thought.
103 INT. MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM - “VITAMIN LINE” - DAY 103
Looking out over Fergussen as Beth slowly approaches the
window. Takes in the pills in the jar, but now RACK FOCUS TO
THE PADLOCK on the window. She studies the hinges and hasps.
104 INT. CAFETERIA - DAY 104
Beth sees Jolene at a table talking with another girl her age
and heads over.
BETH
Jolene--
JOLENE
Hey--
BETH
Have you got any more vitamins?
JOLENE
Don’t be rude. This is Samantha.
She just got here.
BETH
Haven’t you got even just one?
Jolene studies Beth a moment--
51.
104 CONTINUED: 104
JOLENE
How’d the exhibit go? You do okay?
BETH
Fine. But I need--
JOLENE
--I don’t want to hear about it.
She turns away. Beth stands there, looks at the girl--
BETH
Hello, Samantha.
...and then walks out.
105 INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT 105
Dark. THE LIGHT COMES ON to reveal Beth coming down the
stairs. Mr. Shaibel isn’t here. She looks at the board,
around the room, sees the TOOLS hanging on the pegboard
opposite the furnace.
106 INT. LIBRARY - DAY 106
The Saturday movie, The Robe, plays for the entirety of the
Methuen Home. The staff sit in a row of chairs at the back.
Beth slouches in her chair, can barely focus on the movie.
Her legs crossed angrily in that double cross over...
She glances back at the faculty and staff, spies Fergussen
near the door, proctoring. She gets up and edges her way to
him and whispers...
BETH
Bathroom.
He nods, his eyes, along with everyone else’s, on Victor
Mature, bare-chested in the arena.
107 INT. CORRIDOR - SAME 107
She hurries down the hallway, slips into--
108 INT. MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM - SAME 108
She moves past the racks of Christian Endeavour magazines and
the Readers Digest Condensed Books to the far wall and the
pad-locked window that says PHARMACY.
She grabs one of the wooden stools from the room and drags it
to the window. She climbs onto it so her face is level with a
HASP and PADLOCK.
There’s no one in the room, so the only sounds are the
gladiatorial shouts from the movie in the library.
52.
108 CONTINUED: 108
The window up close is made of frosted glass with chicken
wire in it and framed in painted wood. Beth examines the
screws that hold the painted hasp.
The shouts from the film arena rises to a roar, and the
volume of the frenetic music rises with it.
She puts the blade of the screwdriver in the slit of the
screw and twists it as hard as she can. Nothing happens.
She grips the screwdriver in both hands, hunches her
shoulders together and twists with all she has.
SOMETHING SQUEAKS and the screw loosens. She keeps twisting
until she can take it out the rest of the way and put it in
her blouse pocket.
Now she goes to work on the other screw. She gets that one
out and puts it in her pocket. The end of the hasp comes
loose by itself with the padlock still hanging there, the
other end supported by the two screws that hold it to the
window frame.
She pulls open the window, leaning back so it can go by her,
and puts her head inside. The light’s off, but she can see
the outline of the big jar. She puts her arms inside the
opening, stands on tiptoe, pushes herself as far forward as
she can, until her belly is on the sill.
She begins to wriggle and her feet come away from the stool.
She keeps on wriggling forward, feels and hears her blouse
ripping on the sharp edge of the sill, but keeps going.
Her hands finally reach the narrow metal table just below the
window. She inches forward again and her weight comes down on
her hands. She pushes a few boxes aside and makes a place for
herself on the table.
She lets her weight come forward until she’s able to flop
onto the table, twisting at the last moment so that she
doesn’t fall off it.
She takes a couple of deep breaths and climbs down. There’s
enough light for her to see alright. She walks to the far
wall and faces the dimly visible JAR.
She lifts the glass cover and sits it silently on the table
under the window. She then slowly reaches inside with both
hands, burying them up to the wrists. She takes a deep breath
and removes her right hand with a fistful of pills.
She doesn’t count them, but simply puts them in her mouth and
swallows them ALL.
She stuffs three handfuls of pills into her skirt pocket. She
looks around.
53.
108 CONTINUED: (2) 108
On the wall beside the window is a DIXIE CUP DISPENSER. She’s
able to reach it on tiptoe and pulls down four paper cups.
She fills them one at a time. Then steps back and looks at
the jar. The level is now half of what it was. Whatever.
She moves to the door, to go out that way, but can’t open it.
It’s locked in some serious way and she’s now a bit unsteady.
She looks at the four Dixie cups, and then at the window. How
can she climb out with them?
She grips the doorknob. Controls her breathing. Carries the
cups two at a time to the table under the window. She looks
back at the jar. At the remaining pills. And thinks.
She takes the jar to the table and pours the contents of the
Dixie cups back inside. She climbs onto the table and puts
her head out the window into the empty multi purpose room...
The jar of pills is only inches from her knee. She wriggles
her way through the window and onto the stool. Standing up
high there, she leans forward and dreamily grabs the jar by
the rim in both hands.
She goes limp, stares down at the green pills in the jar,
STATELY MUSIC now coming from the library. She lies there
over the sill like a rag doll.
As her eyes lose focus, the green in the jar becomes a bright
luminous blur--
WOMAN’S VOICE
Elizabeth!
BETH
Mama?
WOMAN’S VOICE
Elizabeth!
She hoists the jar in a kind of slow motion, lifting it with
both hands as she turns, the bottom of the jar hitting the
window ledge with a dull ringing sound and coming loose from
her hands and--
IN HER STONED POV
--exploding on the edge of the stool at her feet. The
fragments, mixed with hundreds of green pellets, cascading to
the linoleum floor. Bits of glass caught like rhinestones and
lay in place while the green pills roll outward like a bright
waterfall toward Mrs. Deardorff.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Elizabeth!
54.
108 CONTINUED: (3) 108
Behind her stands Fergussen in his white pants and T-shirt.
Next to him stands the other teachers, and behind them,
crowding to see what had happened, are the other children.
All of them staring at her, high on the miniature stage of
her stool with her hands a foot apart as though she’s still
holding the jar.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Beth Harmon showcases her exceptional chess skills at a high school exhibition, impressing some and intimidating others. Meanwhile, she struggles with her addiction to pills and takes desperate measures to obtain more.
Strengths "Strong character development, emotional impact, and tension"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue could be more impactful"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively portrays the internal conflict and struggles of the protagonist, creating tension and emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a prodigious chess player battling addiction adds depth and complexity to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses as Beth's chess skills improve and she faces challenges both in her personal life and in the chess world.

Originality: 5

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a sense of realism.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their actions and emotions drive the story forward.

Character Changes: 8

Beth experiences a significant change as she becomes more addicted to pills and faces the consequences of her actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to feel a sense of accomplishment and validation. This reflects her deeper need for recognition and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to obtain more vitamins. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces of trying to improve her performance and abilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Beth's addiction and her passion for chess creates tension and drives the narrative.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges and obstacles that are difficult to overcome and create suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Beth's addiction threatens her chess career and personal well-being.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Beth's triumph in chess and her descent into addiction.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected obstacles and challenges for the protagonist, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through Beth's struggles and the consequences of her actions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' thoughts, emotions, and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation for the protagonist and keeps the audience invested in her actions and choices.

Pacing: 8

The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and urgency, particularly in the moments of high stakes and decision-making.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, capitalization, and punctuation.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with Beth joining Jolene in the exercise yard at the Methuen Home for Children. However, the dialogue between Beth and Jolene about the pills feels a bit repetitive and could be condensed to make the scene more efficient.
  • The transition to Beth cleaning erasers in the basement and watching Mr. Shaibel play chess is a bit abrupt. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition or a clearer connection between the exercise yard scene and the basement scene.
  • The interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel in the basement is intriguing, but the pacing of their conversation and the chess game feels rushed. It would be beneficial to slow down the pace and allow for more tension and suspense to build.
  • The ending of the scene, with Beth lying in bed and taking a pill while seeing chess pieces hanging from the ceiling, is visually interesting but lacks a clear connection to the rest of the scene. It would be helpful to establish a stronger thematic link between the chess game and Beth's actions in the rest of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Condense the dialogue between Beth and Jolene about the pills to make it more concise and impactful.
  • Create a smoother transition or clearer connection between the exercise yard scene and the basement scene to improve the flow of the narrative.
  • Slow down the pacing of the interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel in the basement to build more tension and suspense.
  • Establish a stronger thematic link between the chess game and Beth's actions in the rest of the scene to create a more cohesive and meaningful ending.



Scene 13 - Consequences and Restrictions
109 INT. GIRLS’ WARD - DAY 109
Beth wakes up. She’s alone in the Girl’s Ward. The only one
in bed. Fergussen comes to the door--
FERGUSSEN
Welcome back.
She blinks at him, looks around. Swallows, winces--
BETH
My throat hurts.
FERGUSSEN
I bet it does. They put a tube down
it. Pumped your stomach.
She looks at her stomach.
FERGUSSEN (CONT’D)
I guess you don’t remember me
driving you to the hospital either?
BETH
No.
FERGUSSEN
Jesus, kid. I thought Deardorff
would explode.
Beth just sits there, tries to get her bearings.
FERGUSSEN (CONT’D)
How many did you take? Twenty?
BETH
I didn’t count.
FERGUSSEN
Well, I hope you enjoyed ‘em. It’ll
be cold turkey tomorrow.
Beth sees her clothes at the foot of the bed. She’s putting
them on when she reaches into her pocket and makes a
discovery: TWENTY-SOME PILLS STILL INSIDE. So many she has to
take her toothbrush out of the holder to get them all in.
MRS. DEARDORFF (V.O.)
I pray you’ve learned your lesson.
55.


110 INT. MRS. DEARDORFF’S OFFICE - DAY 110
Beth stands facing Mrs. Deardorff. Several of her teachers
ring the room.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Your behavior has come as a
profound shock to all of us.
Nothing-- nothing-- in the history
of the Methuen Home has been so
deplorable. It must not happen
again.
BETH
I can’t sleep without the pills.
MRS. DEARDORFF
All the more reason why you should
not have them.
BETH
You shouldn’t have given them to us
in the first place.
MRS. DEARDORFF
I will not have back talk from a
child.
(stands, leans forward)
If you speak to me like that again,
you will regret it.
Beth already regrets it, takes a step back. Mrs. Deardorff
adjusts her glasses.
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT’D)
Your library and playground
privileges have been suspended. You
will not attend the Saturday movies
and you will be in bed promptly at
eight o’clock in the evenings. Do
you understand.
(Beth nods)
Answer me.
BETH
Yes.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Furthermore, you will be in chapel
thirty minutes early and will be
responsible for setting up the
chairs and then putting them away
once chapel has finished. If you
are in any way remiss in this duty,
Miss Lonsdale has been instructed
to report to me.
(MORE)
56.
110 CONTINUED: 110
MRS. DEARDORFF (CONT'D)
If you are seen whispering to
another child in chapel or in any
class, you will automatically be
given ten demerits. You understand
the meaning of ten demerits,
Elizabeth?
(Beth nods)
Answer me.
BETH
Yes.
MRS. DEARDORFF
Miss Lonsdale informs me that you
have often left chapel for long
periods. That will end. You will
remain in chapel for the full
ninety minutes on Sundays. You will
write a summary of each Sunday talk
and have it on my desk by Monday
morning. And Elizabeth...
BETH
Yes, ma’am.
Mrs. Deardorff now sits back down.
MRS. DEARDORFF
No more chess.
111 INT. MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM - “VITAMIN LINE” - MORNING 111
As Beth gets to the front, the hasp has been replaced with a
much stronger one. Four screws each. Fergussen looks at her
and opens his arms to the pharmacy...
FERGUSSEN
Wanna help yourself?
She shakes her head and holds out her hand. He hands the
vitamin to her, watches her swallow it and move off.
112 INT. CHAPEL - MORNING 112
Beth sets up the heavy wooden folding chairs under the
uncomfortable eye of Miss Lonsdale.
MISS LONSDALE (V.O.)
It’s like a disease, something we
can become infected with...
113 INT. CHAPEL - LATER 113
As Beth tries to stay awake listening to Miss Lonsdale...
57.
113 CONTINUED: 113
MISS LONSDALE
...which is why we all have to be
vigilant against the threat of a
godless communism spreading like
plague here in the United States.
Senator McCarthy is anything but
the fear monger a few in the press
would have us think. All one has to
look at are photos of Russia to see
what it could be like right here...
114 INT. MULTI PURPOSE ROOM - DAY 114
Beth walks in, stands there looking at the “scene of the
crime” when Jolene comes up behind her.
JOLENE
You should’ve seen yourself. Up on
that stool. Just floating around up
there... and Deardorff hollering at
you.
BETH
It felt funny.
JOLENE
Shit, I bet it felt good.
(then)
What you gonna do at night?
BETH
I’m gonna stay awake as long as I
can reading my book, learning the
Sicilian Defense.
Jolene just looks at her. What?
BETH (CONT’D)
There’s fifty-seven pages about it
in the book with a hundred and
seventy lines stemming from P-QB4.
I’m gonna memorize them and play
through them all in my mind.
JOLENE
Poor mind.
BETH
When I’m done with that, I’m gonna
go on to the Pirc and the Ruy Lopez
and the Nimzovich.
(then)
It’s a big book. I’ll be all right.
58.


115 INT. CORRIDOR - DAY 115
Beth trudges along. She pauses to watch another KID emerge
from the basement carrying erasers. Beth tries to see down
the stairs as the door slowly closes behind him.
116 EXT. METHUEN HOME - DAY 116
Snow falls.
117 INT. MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM - SAME 117
A CHRISTMAS TREE in the center. Decorations ring the room.
JOLENE (V.O.)
There’s always more adoptions
around Christmas.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Beth wakes up in the Girl's Ward after overdosing on pills. She is confronted by Fergussen and Mrs. Deardorff about her behavior and addiction. Mrs. Deardorff imposes strict punishments and bans Beth from playing chess. Beth is shown taking on new responsibilities and trying to stay awake to study chess.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of consequences and restrictions
  • Establishment of conflicts and stakes
  • Exploration of addiction
Weaknesses
  • Lack of strong dialogue
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively portrays the consequences of Beth's addiction and the strict punishments imposed on her. It also sets up further conflict between Beth and Mrs. Deardorff. However, the scene could benefit from more emotional impact and stronger dialogue.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of exploring addiction and its consequences is well-executed in this scene. It adds depth to Beth's character and raises the stakes for her.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the aftermath of Beth's overdose and the consequences she faces. It effectively moves the story forward and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and themes of addiction and disciplinary actions are familiar, the specific details and interactions between the characters add a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters in the scene, particularly Beth and Mrs. Deardorff, are well-developed and their conflicts are established. However, there could be more depth and complexity to their interactions.

Character Changes: 7

Beth experiences consequences and restrictions due to her addiction, which leads to some character growth and change. However, there is room for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to cope with the consequences of her actions and find a way to manage her addiction to pills. This reflects her deeper need for control and her fear of being unable to sleep without the pills.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the disciplinary actions imposed on her by Mrs. Deardorff. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in trying to regain some sense of normalcy and avoid further punishment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Beth and Mrs. Deardorff is established and adds tension to the scene. It raises the stakes for Beth and creates obstacles for her.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces disciplinary actions and challenges from Mrs. Deardorff. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Beth as she faces punishments and restrictions due to her addiction. It adds tension and raises the stakes for her character.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the consequences of Beth's addiction and the conflicts she faces. It sets up future events and challenges for her.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected disciplinary actions and challenges the protagonist's beliefs and expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for autonomy and Mrs. Deardorff's strict control over her. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about personal freedom and the role of authority figures.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene could benefit from stronger emotional impact, particularly in portraying Beth's struggle with addiction and the consequences she faces.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene is functional and serves its purpose, but it lacks memorable lines or strong emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the protagonist and the authority figure, creates tension through the dialogue exchanges, and raises questions about the protagonist's future.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and urgency. The dialogue exchanges and the protagonist's internal struggle are paced in a way that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the location, introduces the characters, and progresses through a series of dialogue exchanges.


Critique
  • The scene starts abruptly with Beth waking up alone in the Girl's Ward. It would be helpful to have a transition or a brief explanation of how she ended up there.
  • The dialogue between Beth and Fergussen feels a bit forced and unnatural. It could benefit from more realistic and nuanced language.
  • The interaction between Beth and Mrs. Deardorff is tense and confrontational, which adds to the conflict in the scene. However, the dialogue could be more impactful and emotionally charged.
  • The transition from Mrs. Deardorff's office to the vitamin line feels disjointed. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition or a visual cue to indicate the passage of time.
  • The scene in chapel with Miss Lonsdale feels disconnected from the rest of the scene. It could be integrated more seamlessly into the narrative.
  • The conversation between Beth and Jolene about studying chess feels out of place and doesn't contribute much to the overall story. It could be shortened or reworked to have more relevance.
  • The scene ends with Beth watching another child enter the basement, which creates a sense of curiosity and anticipation. However, it would be helpful to have a clearer indication of why this moment is significant or what it foreshadows.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief transition or explanation to clarify how Beth ended up in the Girl's Ward.
  • Revise the dialogue between Beth and Fergussen to make it more natural and realistic.
  • Enhance the emotional impact of the dialogue between Beth and Mrs. Deardorff to heighten the conflict in the scene.
  • Smooth out the transition from Mrs. Deardorff's office to the vitamin line to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Integrate the chapel scene more seamlessly into the narrative to create a stronger connection to the rest of the scene.
  • Reevaluate the conversation between Beth and Jolene about studying chess to ensure it contributes meaningfully to the story.
  • Provide clearer context or foreshadowing for the ending of the scene to create a stronger sense of anticipation.



Scene 14 - Moving On
118 INT. GIRL’S WARD - DAY 118
Jolene and Beth look at TWO EMPTY BEDS.
BETH
Both pretty ones.
JOLENE
Both blonde.
Jolene walks out of the room. Beth starts to put on her socks
when Fergussen comes into the ward, calls from behind her--
FERGUSSEN
Harmon!
(She turns to him)
You’re moving. Follow me.
She goes with him across the ward to the far wall where one
of the empty beds sits, under the window. It’s a bit larger
than the others and has more space around it.
FERGUSSEN (CONT’D)
You can put your things in the
nightstand.
She looks at him. Really?
FERGUSSEN (CONT’D)
It’ll be nicer over here.
She looks around the ward. This is the best bed in the ward.
Fergussen is making a note on his clipboard when she reaches
out and touches his arm--
BETH
Thank you.
59.
118 CONTINUED: 118
FERGUSSEN
Thank you.
He nods towards Jolene. For keeping quiet. He walks out. Beth
sits down on the bed and stares out the window at the falling
snow.
119 INT. CORRIDOR - DAY 119
The kids all come out of class. Beth looks down the corridor
and sees Mr. Shaibel at the end of the long hallway mopping.
While the kids go the other way, towards the door that leads
to the yard for recess, she starts down the hallway to him...
She stops where the floor is wet and stands for a good long
while before he finally looks up at her.
BETH
They won’t let me play anymore. I’m
sorry.
(he says nothing)
I’m being punished. I--
She looks at his face. It registers nothing.
BETH (CONT’D)
Please... Mr. Shaibel...
She touches his arm. He freezes.
BETH (CONT’D)
Can you help me?
He looks at her for a moment as if he’s going to speak. But
instead, he resumes mopping. Beth watches him, then--
BETH (CONT’D)
I wish I could play more with you.
She then turns and walks back down the hall. She watches as
he mops his way to the end, then, glances once her way, and
then drops the mop in the bucket and opens a door--
Beth stands there in the hallway watching as he rolls the
bucket inside, the door shutting behind him. She stares at
the door another moment, then turns and runs away.
120 INT. GIRLS’ WARD - NIGHT 120
As Mr. Fergussen sticks his head in the ward and shuts off
the lights...
MR. FERGUSSEN
The darkest night is the bridge to
the brightest tomorrow.
60.
120 CONTINUED: 120
Beth reaches under the mattress and takes one of her stashed
green pills. She sees Jolene slip into bed, the two share a
look, then lie back on their respective beds.
ON BETH FROM ABOVE
As she looks up at the ceiling. And now... slowly... THE
UPSIDE DOWN PIECES LINE UP IN OUR PERIPHERAL--
FROM BETH UP TO THE CEILING
As she begins to play a game. The pieces move faster and
faster. Before long, she’s playing two games. Now three.
Four. Five... and so on. The light in the room changing,
going from dark to slowly lighter and... THE PIECES FADE.
BOOM DOWN as Fergussen sticks his head in the doorway of the
Girls’ Ward, now wearing a beard.
FERGUSSEN
For crying out loud-- get up you
two! You’re gonna miss breakfast.
121 INT. GIRLS' WARD - SEVERAL YEARS LATER - DAY 121
He moves off. And now JOLENE sits up in the b.g. and yawns.
SHE’S SEVERAL YEARS OLDER. She pulls a pack of cigarettes
from a spot behind her bed, lights up, looks towards CAMERA.
JOLENE
Hey. Cracker.
And now A TEENAGE BETH sits up in the f.g. Hair in her face.
Jolene opens the window by her bed, lights up and tosses the
pack to Beth--
JOLENE (CONT’D)
You don’t wanna miss another
delicious breakfast, do you?
BETH
(shakes out a smoke)
I’ve been dreaming about it.
She opens her own window, lights up and they both smile.
122 EXT. METHUEN HOME - DAY 122
PULLING AWAY FROM THE WINDOW as the two of them sit there
smoking, looking out at their uncertain futures. A SEDAN
PULLS INTO IMMEDIATE F.G.
FROM THE WINDOW
As Beth and Jolene watch as a MAN in a grey suit gets out of
the driver’s side. And now a WOMAN in blue dress and sweater
gets out of the passenger side.
61.
122 CONTINUED: 122
JOLENE
Who do we think they come for?
The woman pauses, looks right up at the window, right up at
Beth. There’s a moment between the two of them, broken by--
MAN
Alma? Are you coming?
The woman smiles at Beth, then follows the man into the
building and we then--
CUT TO BLACK
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Beth Harmon adjusts to life in the Girl's Ward after her overdose. She is given a better bed and forms a bond with Jolene. Beth tries to apologize to Mr. Shaibel but is met with silence. She continues to struggle with her addiction and finds solace in playing chess in her mind. Several years later, Beth and Jolene are still in the ward, smoking and contemplating their futures. They are interrupted by the arrival of unfamiliar visitors.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Exploration of addiction
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Minimal external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively portrays Beth's journey of recovery and growth, while also highlighting the ongoing challenges she faces. The emotional depth and introspection make it a compelling and impactful scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring addiction and recovery through the lens of a young chess prodigy is unique and engaging. It adds depth and complexity to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot in this scene focuses more on character development and introspection rather than advancing the overall story. However, it provides important insight into Beth's journey and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and dynamics of a girls' ward may be familiar, the specific interactions and emotions portrayed are unique. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in this scene, particularly Beth and Jolene, are well-developed and relatable. Their struggles and growth make them compelling and memorable.

Character Changes: 7

Beth undergoes significant character growth in this scene as she acknowledges her addiction and tries to make amends. Her interactions with Mr. Shaibel and her bond with Jolene showcase her changing mindset.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find a sense of belonging and connection. She seeks validation and support from Mr. Shaibel and longs for more meaningful interactions with him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the dynamics of the girls' ward and secure a better bed. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she faces within the ward.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, as Beth grapples with her addiction and the consequences of her actions. The external conflict is minimal but sets up future conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist faces challenges in her interactions with Mr. Shaibel, but the outcome is uncertain and the audience is left wondering about the nature of their relationship.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in this scene are primarily internal, focusing on Beth's recovery and her desire to continue playing chess. While not extremely high, they contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the overall story, it provides important character development and sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations by not providing a clear resolution to the protagonist's desires. The audience is left uncertain about the future of her relationships and her journey.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for connection and Mr. Shaibel's emotional detachment. This conflict challenges the protagonist's belief in the possibility of forming meaningful relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response, particularly through Beth's struggle with addiction and her longing for connection. It elicits feelings of sadness, regret, and hope.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in this scene is minimal, with most of the emotional impact conveyed through actions and silence. However, the few lines of dialogue effectively convey Beth's desperation and longing for connection.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it presents a clear conflict and raises questions about the protagonist's relationships and future. The minimal dialogue and subtle gestures create a sense of intrigue and anticipation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of silence and reflection. It creates a sense of tension and anticipation, enhancing the emotional impact of the interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses the narrative through a series of actions and interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or central conflict. It jumps between different interactions and events without a clear throughline.
  • The dialogue between Beth and Jolene about the pills feels repetitive and could be condensed to make the scene more concise.
  • The transition from the exercise yard to the basement feels abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The interaction between Beth and Mr. Shaibel lacks tension or a clear objective. It is unclear why Beth approaches him and what she hopes to gain from the interaction.
  • The resolution of the conflict between Beth and Mrs. Deardorff is anticlimactic and does not have a significant impact on the story.
  • The visual element of the chess pieces hanging from the ceiling at the end of the scene feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and lacks a clear purpose or meaning.
Suggestions
  • Establish a clear objective or conflict for Beth in each scene to drive the narrative forward.
  • Condense the dialogue between Beth and Jolene to make it more concise and impactful.
  • Smoothly transition between different locations and events to create a more cohesive scene.
  • Clarify Beth's motivation for approaching Mr. Shaibel and make their interaction more dynamic and engaging.
  • Create a more significant resolution to the conflict between Beth and Mrs. Deardorff that has a lasting impact on the story.
  • Integrate the visual element of the chess pieces hanging from the ceiling into the scene more effectively to enhance its meaning and symbolism.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

Beth Harmon

Beth Harmon is a determined and resilient young girl who has experienced trauma and loss. She is vulnerable but shows resilience and a desire for a better life. Her journey involves finding hope, discovering her passion for chess, and facing her inner demons. She is curious, passionate, and driven to prove herself in a male-dominated world. However, she is also grappling with addiction to medication, which adds complexity to her character.



Mrs. Deardorff

Mrs. Deardorff is a middle-aged woman who dedicates her life to managing the orphanage. She is strict and proper, but also has a caring and nurturing side that she shows to the children. Mrs. Deardorff is a no-nonsense woman who values discipline and rules, but also understands the importance of offering guidance and support to the children in her care. Her strict exterior is a result of her high standards and desire to maintain a respectable reputation for the orphanage.



Jolene

Jolene is a resilient young woman who has spent much of her life in the foster care system. While her past experiences have hardened her exterior, she remains empathetic and caring towards those around her. Jolene possesses a wisdom beyond her years, having lived through many struggles herself. She is fiercely independent and has a bit of a rebellious streak, but her loyalty to her friends is unwavering. Her tough exterior disguises a deep-seeded fear of abandonment, a fear that she must eventually confront in order to move forward in her life.



Mr. Shaibel

Mr. Shaibel is a gruff but wise mentor figure who introduces Beth to chess and supports her in her journey. Initially skeptical but becomes impressed by her dedication and ability. He is a skilled chess player and guides Beth in developing her chess skills.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
Beth Harmon Beth's character arc involves her journey of self-discovery through her passion for chess and her struggles with addiction. She begins as a vulnerable girl seeking a sense of belonging and hope, and her love for chess provides her with purpose and solace. However, as she rises to the top of the chess world, her addiction takes hold, leading to a downward spiral. She must face her inner demons, including trauma from her past, and overcome her addiction to find a sense of balance and purpose in her life. While Beth's character arc is compelling and well-developed, some aspects of her journey could have been fleshed out more. For example, her trauma and its impact on her could have been explored further, as it plays a significant role in shaping her character. Additionally, her addiction could have been addressed more thoroughly, as it comes across as a secondary plot point rather than a central aspect of her character development. To improve Beth's character arc, the screenplay could dive deeper into her trauma and its impact on her. This could further emphasize the complexity of her character and add depth to her struggles with addiction. Additionally, the impact of her rising fame and success on her personal life could be further explored, showing how the pressure of being a chess prodigy affects her mental health.
Mrs. Deardorff Throughout the movie, Mrs. Deardorff's arc shows how her perspective of Beth and her chess playing changes. At first, she discourages Beth from interacting with the local kids and questions her loyalty to the orphanage. However, when Mr. Shaibel shows up to teach Beth chess, Mrs. Deardorff sees the potential in Beth and allows her to continue playing. As Beth becomes more successful and her addiction becomes apparent, Mrs. Deardorff tries to curb her addiction through discipline and punishment. However, in the end, she realizes the importance of nurturing Beth's talent and allows her to pursue her dreams of becoming a chess champion. The character arc for Mrs. Deardorff is well-plotted and shows her transformation from being strictly by-the-book to understanding the nuances of discipline and guidance. However, her arc is not well fleshed out, and her character remains a two-dimensional portrayal of a strict authority figure throughout most of the movie. To improve Mrs. Deardorff's arc, there should be more scenes that show her interacting with the other characters, particularly Beth. This would give the audience more insight into her motivations and desires. Additionally, there should be moments where Mrs. Deardorff's strict exterior is challenged, either by the other characters or her own feelings of doubt and anxiety. This would make her character more relatable and complex.
Jolene Jolene begins as a supportive friend to Beth, the protagonist. As Beth begins to struggle with addiction, Jolene initially tries to help her but ultimately distances herself out of fear of being dragged down by Beth's problems. However, Jolene eventually realizes that she needs to confront her own fear of abandonment and make amends with Beth. In doing so, she finds a sense of closure and is able to move on from her past experiences in the foster care system. The character arc for Jolene is well thought out and allows for her to grow and change over the course of the film. However, the description of her initially distancing herself from Beth due to fear of being dragged down by her problems feels a bit abrupt. It may be helpful to show more of Jolene's internal struggle before having her make this decision. To improve the character arc, consider adding in scenes that showcase Jolene's internal conflict and fear of being abandoned. Additionally, it may be helpful to show more of the positive impact that Beth has on Jolene's life before their falling out, so that their reconciliation feels more earned.
Mr. Shaibel Mr. Shaibel starts off as a skeptic, believing that Beth won't amount to much in chess. He is strict in his teaching methods and doesn't show much patience when it comes to correcting her mistakes. However, as Beth shows more and more potential, Mr. Shaibel starts to take her seriously. Over time, he becomes more invested in Beth's success, providing her with advice and encouragement when she needs it. Though still gruff, he becomes a wise mentor figure, recognizing Beth's talent and doing what he can to cultivate it. By the end of the movie, Mr. Shaibel has become one of Beth's most important supporters, helping her to become the chess prodigy she's always dreamed of being. Overall, Mr. Shaibel's character arc is well-done. We see him change from a skeptic to a mentor figure who genuinely cares about Beth's success. However, there are some areas for improvement. For example, we don't get a sense of why Mr. Shaibel is so gruff and aloof in the first place. Exploring his backstory would have added depth to his character. Additionally, while we see Mr. Shaibel become more invested in Beth's success, we don't see much change in his teaching methods. It would have been interesting to see him adapt his techniques to better suit Beth's unique needs. To improve Mr. Shaibel's character arc, consider adding more backstory to explain why he is so gruff and aloof at the beginning. Additionally, show him adapting his teaching methods to better suit Beth's unique needs. This could add an extra layer of depth to his character while also highlighting Beth's individuality and the challenges she faces as a young girl in a largely male-dominated field.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
Tone and Emotional ImpactThere is a strong correlation between the tone of the scene and its emotional impact. Scenes with a darker or more intense tone tend to have a higher emotional impact.
Dialogue and Character ChangesScenes with more impactful dialogue tend to have more significant character changes. This suggests that dialogue is a key tool for character development.
Conflict and High StakesScenes with higher levels of conflict tend to have higher stakes. This makes sense, as conflict often arises from characters trying to achieve something important.
Concept and PlotThere is a moderate correlation between the concept of the scene and its contribution to the overall plot. Scenes with a stronger concept tend to be more important to the plot.
Overall Grade and Move Story ForwardScenes with a higher overall grade tend to do a better job of moving the story forward. This suggests that a well-written scene is more likely to be impactful and important to the overall story.


Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest This screenplay shares similarities with 'One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest' in terms of its setting in a mental institution and the exploration of the protagonist's struggles within the institution.
Girl, Interrupted Similar to 'Girl, Interrupted', this screenplay delves into the experiences of young women in a psychiatric facility and their interactions with each other and the staff.
The Shawshank Redemption The themes of institutionalization and the protagonist's journey towards freedom and self-discovery in 'The Shawshank Redemption' resonate with this screenplay.
A Beautiful Mind Both this screenplay and 'A Beautiful Mind' explore the mental and emotional struggles of their respective protagonists, as well as their pursuit of intellectual pursuits.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower Similar to 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower', this screenplay follows a young protagonist navigating a challenging environment and forming connections with other characters.
Silver Linings Playbook This screenplay shares similarities with 'Silver Linings Playbook' in terms of its exploration of mental health, the protagonist's journey towards self-acceptance, and the importance of human connection.
Black Swan Both this screenplay and 'Black Swan' delve into the psychological and emotional turmoil of their respective protagonists, as well as their pursuit of perfection in their chosen fields.
The Breakfast Club Similar to 'The Breakfast Club', this screenplay focuses on a group of individuals brought together in a confined setting and explores their personal struggles and growth.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind This screenplay shares similarities with 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' in terms of its exploration of memory, identity, and the complexities of human relationships.
Requiem for a Dream Both this screenplay and 'Requiem for a Dream' delve into the dark and harrowing experiences of their respective characters, as well as the consequences of addiction and obsession.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation
New Kid in TownBeth is a new arrival at the Methuen Home for Children and meets Mrs. Deardorff.
Mentor-Student RelationshipBeth approaches Mr. Shaibel and asks him to teach her chess.The mentor-student relationship trope involves a more experienced character taking on a mentor role and guiding a less experienced character. This can be seen in movies like 'The Karate Kid' where Mr. Miyagi mentors Daniel in the art of karate.
Forbidden KnowledgeBeth is told she can no longer play chess and is forbidden from studying it.The trope of forbidden knowledge involves a character being denied access to certain information or activities. This can be seen in the TV show 'Game of Thrones' when Jon Snow is forbidden from joining the Night's Watch expedition beyond the Wall.
Pill-PoppingBeth takes pills at the Methuen Home for Children.The trope of pill-popping involves a character regularly taking medication or drugs. This can be seen in the TV show 'Breaking Bad' when Jesse Pinkman becomes addicted to methamphetamine.
Scolding Authority FigureMrs. Deardorff scolds Beth for her behavior and takes away her privileges.The trope of a scolding authority figure involves a character in a position of power reprimanding another character for their actions. This can be seen in the movie 'Matilda' when Miss Trunchbull scolds Matilda for her intelligence and independence.
Hall MonitorMrs. Deardorff scolds Beth for running in the halls.The trope of a hall monitor involves a character who enforces rules and regulations in a school or institution. This can be seen in the TV show 'Parks and Recreation' when Leslie Knope takes her role as a hall monitor very seriously.
Sleepless NightBeth lies awake in bed, unable to sleep.The trope of a sleepless night involves a character being unable to fall asleep, often due to stress or anxiety. This can be seen in the movie 'Fight Club' when the narrator struggles with insomnia throughout the film.


Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
Identity and Self-ImageThe screenplay explores Beth's struggle with her identity and self-image as she navigates life in the Methuen Home for Children. She is constantly judged and criticized for her appearance and behavior, which affects her self-esteem and how she sees herself.This theme is important because it drives Beth's actions and decisions throughout the screenplay. It highlights the impact of external influences on one's sense of self and the journey of self-discovery.
Conformity and RebellionThe screenplay explores the tension between conformity and rebellion as Beth tries to fit in and follow the rules of the home while also questioning and resisting certain aspects of her environment, such as the pills and the strict adoption process.This theme is important because it showcases Beth's struggle to find her own voice and make choices that align with her values and desires. It raises questions about the balance between conformity and individuality.
Power and ControlThe screenplay examines the dynamics of power and control within the Methuen Home for Children, particularly through the authority figures like Mrs. Deardorff. Beth experiences the effects of power and control through the pills, the adoption process, and the restrictions placed on her.This theme is important because it highlights the impact of power imbalances on individuals and the ways in which control can be exerted over them. It raises questions about the ethics and consequences of such power dynamics.
Friendship and SupportThe screenplay explores the importance of friendship and support through Beth's relationship with Jolene. Jolene offers advice, warns Beth about the pills, and encourages her to be careful. Their friendship provides a source of comfort and guidance in a challenging environment.This theme is important because it showcases the power of connection and support in overcoming adversity. It emphasizes the role of friendship in providing strength and resilience.
Escape and FreedomThe screenplay touches on the desire for escape and freedom as Beth dreams of staying awake at night to study chess and find solace in the game. It suggests that chess represents a form of escape and a pathway to freedom from the constraints of her current situation.This theme is important because it reflects Beth's longing for a different life and her search for a sense of freedom and autonomy. It raises questions about the role of passion and pursuit of dreams in finding liberation.



Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's voice is characterized by concise and descriptive language, realistic dialogue, and a focus on visual details and character emotions. The narrative and dialogue effectively convey the mood, themes, and depth of the screenplay.
Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a vivid and engaging visual experience, conveying the emotions and dynamics of the characters, and exploring themes of resilience, addiction, and self-discovery. The concise and descriptive language adds depth and meaning to the scenes, while the realistic dialogue enhances the authenticity of the characters and their interactions.
Best Representation Scene 1 - The Morning After
Best Scene Explanation This scene is the best representation because it showcases the writer's ability to create a vivid and engaging visual experience through concise and descriptive language.
Originality
  • Overall originality score: 5
  • Overall originality explanation: The screenplay has a moderate level of originality. While some scenes have familiar settings and situations, the specific details, interactions, and dialogue add freshness and authenticity to the story.
  • Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the interactions between Beth and Jolene in the exercise yard, the chess game between Beth and Mr. Shaibel in the basement, and Beth's struggle with addiction and disciplinary actions.
  • Overall unpredictability score: 6
  • Overall unpredictability explanation: The full screenplay has a moderate level of unpredictability. While some scenes follow familiar storylines, there are unexpected twists and turns, such as Beth's addiction to pills and her journey to become a chess prodigy, that keep the audience engaged and interested.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsThe protagonist's internal goals evolve from seeking stability and belonging to a desire for knowledge, validation, and recognition.
External Goals The protagonist's external goals involve navigating her immediate circumstances and challenges, such as fitting in, proving herself, and avoiding punishment.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around challenging societal expectations, gender roles, and personal freedom.


Character Development Contribution: The protagonist's evolving internal goals reflect her growth and development as she seeks stability, knowledge, validation, and connection. Through her journey, she learns to overcome challenges, assert her independence, and find her place in the world.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The protagonist's internal and external goals provide a framework for the narrative structure, driving the plot forward and creating tension and conflict. The evolving goals and conflicts shape the protagonist's journey and contribute to the overall narrative arc.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The goals and conflicts in the screenplay explore themes of identity, belonging, gender roles, personal freedom, and the pursuit of knowledge. They add depth and complexity to the story, allowing for exploration of larger philosophical questions and societal expectations.


Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: The world depicted in the screenplay is a combination of different locations, including a Paris hotel room and hallway, a Methuen Home for Children (an orphanage), a cafeteria, a boarding school or institution for girls, a basement, a mobile home, a high school, and Mrs. Deardorff's office. The physical characteristics of these locations vary, but they contribute to the atmosphere of the scenes by creating a sense of confinement, routine, chaos, and vulnerability.
  • Culture: The cultural elements present in the screenplay include the use of French language in the Paris hotel scene, the interaction between the characters in the orphanage and foster home settings, the emphasis on excellence and healthy living in the school scenes, and the conversation about fear and being alone in the mobile home scene. These cultural elements shape the characters' experiences and actions by influencing their behavior, beliefs, and relationships.
  • Society: The societal structures depicted in the screenplay include the hierarchy and rules within the orphanage and foster home, the presence of authority figures like Mrs. Deardorff and Fergussen, and the societal expectation of following certain dietary guidelines in the school scenes. These societal structures shape the characters' experiences and actions by establishing power dynamics, social norms, and expectations.
  • Technology: The technological aspects depicted in the screenplay include the use of TV cameras, flash photography, and the presence of cameras in the orphanage and foster home scenes. These technological elements contribute to the atmosphere of the scenes by creating a sense of surveillance, urgency, and chaos.
  • Characters influence: The unique physical environment, culture, society, and technology shape the characters' experiences and actions by influencing their behavior, beliefs, relationships, and opportunities. For example, the confinement and routine of the orphanage and foster home settings impact the characters' sense of freedom and agency. The cultural elements, such as the emphasis on excellence and healthy living, shape the characters' goals and aspirations. The societal structures, like the hierarchy and rules, influence the characters' interactions and choices. The technological aspects, such as the presence of cameras, create a sense of surveillance and impact the characters' sense of privacy and autonomy.
  • Narrative contribution: The world elements contribute to the narrative of the screenplay by providing the backdrop and context for the characters' journeys and conflicts. The physical environment, culture, society, and technology shape the characters' experiences and actions, driving the plot forward and creating tension, conflict, and resolution. For example, the orphanage and foster home settings establish the initial challenges and obstacles for the protagonist, Beth, while the school and chess-related scenes introduce opportunities for growth and achievement.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The world elements contribute to the thematic depth of the screenplay by exploring themes of confinement, loss, identity, growth, and resilience. The physical environment, culture, society, and technology shape the characters' experiences and actions, highlighting the impact of external factors on individual lives and the potential for personal transformation. The themes of belonging, family, and self-discovery are also explored through the cultural and societal elements depicted in the screenplay.
Pass / Consider / Recommend


Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

The screenplay shows promise with its effective establishment of urgency, mystery, and character relationships. However, there are areas that need improvement, such as smoother transitions between scenes and more engaging dialogue. The missing elements include clearer explanations of character motivations and emotional journeys. Notable points include the use of visual and auditory cues to create tension and the introduction of intriguing conflicts and relationships. Overall, the screenplay has potential but requires further development to fully engage the audience.

Strengths
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and mystery with the knocking on the door and the frantic pounding. (Scene 1)
  • The scene effectively introduces Mrs. Deardorff and Beth, establishing their relationship and the setting of the Methuen Home for Children. (Scene 2)
  • The scene effectively portrays Beth's discomfort and confusion in the cafeteria as she tries to navigate her new environment. (Scene 3)
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting of the Methuen Home for Children and the daily routine of the girls. (Scene 4)
  • The scene effectively establishes the relationship between Jolene and Beth, showing Jolene's experience and influence over Beth. (Scene 5)
Areas of Improvement
  • The transition between the hotel room and the ballroom feels abrupt and could be smoother. (Scene 1)
  • The transition between scenes could be smoother to enhance the flow of the narrative. (Scene 2)
  • The dialogue could be more engaging and dynamic to further develop the characters and their relationships. (Scene 3)
  • The transition between scenes could be smoother to enhance the flow of the narrative. (Scene 4)
  • The transition between the exercise yard and the basement feels abrupt and could be smoother. (Scene 5)
MissingElements
  • A clearer explanation of why Beth is being pursued and why she needs to leave the hotel room. (Scene 1)
  • A clearer establishment of the time period and location could provide a stronger sense of context for the audience. (Scene 2)
  • More exploration of Beth's emotional journey and the impact of her experiences at the Methuen Home for Children. (Scene 3)
  • A clearer understanding of Beth's goals and desires in the scene would help drive the narrative forward. (Scene 4)
  • More exploration of Beth's emotional journey and the impact of her experiences at the Methuen Home for Children. (Scene 5)
NotablePoints
  • The introduction of Vasily Borgov and the chessboard in the ballroom creates intrigue and sets up a potential conflict. (Scene 1)
  • The introduction of Jolene adds an intriguing dynamic to the scene and hints at potential conflicts and relationships that may develop later in the story. (Scene 2)
  • The use of visual and auditory cues, such as the knocking, splashing water, and pounding, effectively create a sense of urgency and tension. (Scene 1)
  • The introduction of Mr. Shaibel and the game of chess adds intrigue and foreshadows a potential avenue for Beth's growth and escape from her current situation. (Scene 4)
  • The scene effectively conveys the theme of resilience and determination in the face of adversity. (Scene 6)
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
7Beth: Checkmate.
8Alice: Fear is just a phantom.
4Mr. Shaibel: I don't play strangers.
1Beth: I'm sorry.
13Mrs. Deardorff: Your behavior has come as a profound shock to all of us. Nothing-- nothing-- in the history of the Methuen Home has been so deplorable. It must not happen again.