A Quiet Place

Executive Summary

Overview

Genres: Thriller, Drama, post-apocalyptic, horror, Post-Apocalyptic, Sci-Fi, science, fiction, Horror, Science, Fiction, drama, action, survival

Setting: Present day, A small town in the Midwest

Themes:

Conflict and Stakes: None provided

Pass/Consider/Recommend


Explanation:


USP:
See full Analysis
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:None provided

Target Audience Demographics: None provided

Marketability: None provided

None provided

None provided

Profit Potential: None provided

See Overview
Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Memorable Lines:

Story Shape
Summary The movie is set in a post-apocalyptic world where sound attracts deadly creatures. The family scavenges for supplies and has created a makeshift home in a barn. They struggle with guilt and trauma after the father has sacrificed himself to save the family from the creatures. Lee, the father, tries to find answers and creates a hearing aid to protect his daughter, Regan. However, tragedy strikes when Lee and Marcus, his son, encounter a terrifying man and die. Evelyn, Lee's wife, goes into labor and faces impending danger from the creatures. Regan and Marcus are separated from their parents and must fight off the creatures to survive. In the end, the family reunites and faces a final standoff against the creatures.



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

Story Content Character Development Scene Elements Audience Engagement
Click for Full Analysis Tone Overall Grade Concept Plot Characters Conflict Story forward Emotional Impact Dialogue
1 - A Quiet Place: Scene 1 "Tense" 8 9 8 7 07006 5
2 - Family Scavenging and Bonding "heartwarming" 8.5 8 8 9 04009 7
3 - The Toy Shuttle "tense" 8 9 8 7 010009 6
4 - The Abbott Family's New Normal "Eerie, tense, somber" 8 9 8 7 06009 0
5 - Surviving the Aftermath "Tense" 8 9 8 7 09009 6
6 - Dinner and a Game "intense" 9 8 9 8 010008 7
7 - Lee's Search for Life "Suspenseful" 9 8 9 7 08007 6
8 - Date Night and Preparations "Tense" 9 8 9 10 09008 7
9 - The Sound of Silence "Tense" 8 9 8 8 08009 7
10 - Regan Struggles with Her Hearing Aid "Tense" 8 9 8 7 08007 6
11 - Father and Son "Tense" 9 9 8 9 07009 7
12 - Deadly Secrets "Tense" 8 7 9 8 06008 7
13 - Encounter with the Man in the Swamp "Tense" 9 8 9 8 0100011 6
14 - A Desperate Switch "Tense and Terrifying" 10 9 10 9 0100010 7
15 - Evelyn's Plan "Tense, scared, desperate" 9 8 10 9 0100011 7
16 - The Birth "Tense, Desperate" 9 10 9 9 0100011 6
17 - The Hunted "Tense" 9 9 9 9 010008 8
18 - Race to Safety "intense" 9 8 9 8 010008 7
19 - Safe Room and Silo Rooftop "Tense" 8 8 9 8 09008 7
20 - Evelyn's Close Call with a Creature in the Safe Room "Suspenseful" 9 9 8 8 010009 7
21 - Desperate Struggle "Tense" 9 9 9 8 0100010 7
22 - A Narrow Escape "Tense" 8 8 9 7 010008 6
23 - Escape from the Silo "intense" 10 9 10 8 010009 6
24 - The Escape "Tense, emotional" 8 7 8 8 09009 7
25 - Reuniting in the Basement "Tense" 8 7 8 8 09007 6
26 - The Standoff "Tense" 9 8 9 8 010007 7
27 - The Final Standoff "intense" 8 7 8 8 010009 7


Scene 1 - A Quiet Place: Scene 1
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 5
A QUIET PLACE


Screenplay by
Bryan Woods & Scott Beck
and John Krasinski
Story by
Bryan Woods & Scott Beck
BLACK

We hear, very clearly, the sound of light wind.


1 EXT. TOWN - MAIN ST. - LATE AFTERNOON 1

We come up on... a streetlight. There is no illumination...
and no movement. We hold on it for a long moment when
suddenly... The streetlight bobs... and then begins to sway.
We slowly begin to rise up on the streetlight to reveal... a
small bird has landed on it. We continue to rise to reveal,
behind the bird...

Wind blows through the gargantuan evergreens that seem to
engulf the narrow main street of a small town in upstate New
York. Shop windows and cars on either side covered in dust,
the place seems frozen in time. There is no movement.

In the very middle of the road one can see... sand. A bizarre
incongruity, a long pathway about a shovels width runs the
full length of the street with offshoots into open doorways
of some of the shops.

We hold for a long moment:


2 INT. GENERAL STORE - FRONT - LATE AFTERNOON 2

Slowly pushing through the doorway of a large general store,
also covered in dust. To the left, a cash register with small
shelves of nearly empty candy boxes below. To the right, a
towering shelf full of bags of potato chips, nacho chips and
pretzels... None are missing.


3 INT. GENERAL STORE AISLES - LATE AFTERNOON 3

WE MOVE SLOWLY across the floor, down the middle of a general
store. Amid the towering shelves of goods on either side, one
may recognize a barely perceptible pattern of which shelves
are bare and which are not. There is no movement. No sound.

Suddenly... TINY FEET JUMP INTO OUR MOVING FRAME! Then, as
fast as they appeared... They’re gone.

WE NOW MOVE UP the side of the store, looking down one
aisle... and the next. As we arrive at the next aisle we
catch a glimpse of... A SMALL DARK FIGURE!!! And then its
gone.

WE CONTINUE along the side of the store until we arrive at
the last aisle. At the far end of the store we see...
2.


a counter. With a window. And shelves. Suddenly... A WOMAN
APPEARS IN THE WINDOW!

WE GO CLOSE ON THE WOMAN as she scans the shelves, slowly
lowering herself to the ground until behind her we see... an
8 year old boy sitting slumped against the wall... HE IS
BAREFOOT. On closer inspection we see sweat on the boy’s
brow, his skin pale from fever. The woman’s knee touches down
on the ground next to the boy as... she sees what she’s been
looking for. She reaches out her hand.

WE GO CLOSE ON HER HAND as it reaches toward a shelf... of
orange prescription drug bottles. Her hand suddenly begins to
shift certain bottles ever so slightly... AT A BIZARRELY SLOW
PACE... she does not make a sound. As she does this, we get
our first glimpse... of names. Names of drugs. Names... of
people.

HER HAND finally arrives at the very back of the shelf as she
gently twists a bottle that reads... AMOXICILLIN.

ON THE MOTHER... as she inhales slowly? And then, as if
doing surgery, she slowly closes her hand around the bottle
and GENTLY begins to move it through the shelf toward her.
Her hand, once again moves incredibly slowly, her now wider
closed hand shifts even more bottles as it passes. JUST as
she gets to the end of the shelf a bottle shifts... with a
RATTLE of pills. This is the first, deliberate sound we’ve
heard. The mother... FREEZES!!!!

WE RACK FOCUS to the boy on the ground, who now looks up...
with panic. The mother’s eyes look all around the room...
The way one does when they are waiting for something...
LISTENING for something. After a long moment... she pulls
the bottle in her hand the final few inches... and off the
shelf.

The mother draws a huge breath of relief. As she stands up,
we reveal, just over the counter... TWO EYES LOOKING UP AT
HER!!!


4 INT. AISLE - LATE AFTERNOON 4

A 10 year old girl stands on her toes, barely able to see
over the wooden counter to... her mother. She smiles at her
mother... and gives her a thumbs up. With that... she’s off.

WE FOLLOW HER as she runs lightly through the store... she is
also barefoot.

The GIRL turns down an aisle to reveal... a small boy sitting
on the floor... He too is barefoot.
3.


As the girl approaches we see, in the thick dust on the floor
he has drawn... a rocket ship. She sits with him.

He silently puts his hand to his chest, palm to the side...
crosses his first two fingers of his other hand with
deliberate focus... and then slowly puts his two hands
together. He then looks up at her... and quickly shoots his
crossed fingers into the air... like a rocket. She beams
with pride for a moment and then... Signs back to him.

DAUGHTER (SIGNING)
Very good job!

BOY (SIGNING AS BEST WE CAN)
....That’s how... we get away.

The girl’s smile falls ever so slightly. Then the boy
suddenly... TAPS her on the shoulder and scurries away...
She’s “it”.

As the girl slowly gets up to follow him, we see for the
first time... A HEARING AID...

The boy disappears around a corner...


5 INT. NEXT AISLE - LATE AFTERNOON 5

The girl comes around the tall shelf into the next aisle when
suddenly... her eyes go wide!!! What she sees is the boy
standing on a small box, STRETCHING to reach a toy on a high
shelf. She walks quickly to him when suddenly... the toy
FALLS.

The girl instinctively SLIDES to the ground and catches the
toy JUST as it’s about to hit the ground! On her face we can
see she is TERRIFIED! She closes her eyes, taking a breath
with relief. When she opens them, in the foreground, we see
the toy she is holding... a small TOY SPACE SHUTTLE. Then in
the distance past the toy we see... a FIGURE.

She sits up to see a man standing outside the door of the
general store, holding a large box with what looks like a
quilt hanging out of it. A look of fear on his face...
softens, as he mimes wiping his brow with relief. She smiles,
puts the toy back on a shelf and runs to him.
Genres: ["Thriller","Drama"]

Summary A family scavenges for supplies in a post-apocalyptic world where sound attracts deadly creatures.
Strengths "Building tension and suspense"
Weaknesses "Lack of dialogue"
Critique Overall, this scene sets up the eerie and silent world of the film effectively. The description of the town and the general store is very visual and detailed, painting a picture of a desolate, abandoned place. The focus on small details (the sand on the road, the barely perceptible pattern of which shelves are bare) adds to the atmosphere of tension and mystery. The introduction of the mother and her sick son adds character and emotion to the scene, and the use of sign language is a clever way to establish that the family communicates in silence. The slow movement of the mother's hand as she reaches for the medicine bottle builds suspense effectively, and the sudden rattle of pills is a great moment of tension. The reveal of the man with the quilt adds a hint of hope and relief to the scene.

One minor critique would be that some of the descriptions are overly detailed, which could potentially slow down the pacing of the scene. For example, the description of the shelves of chips is not particularly relevant to the plot, and the lengthy description of the different ways the mother moves her hand could be trimmed down. However, these are small issues in an otherwise well-crafted scene.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more conflict or tension: The scene sets up a post-apocalyptic world, but there's not much tension or conflict present. Consider adding in more obstacles for the characters to overcome, or have them face some sort of danger or threat.

2. Make the dialogue more impactful: The scene relies heavily on sign language and visual storytelling, which is great, but consider adding in some impactful dialogue to help convey the emotions of the characters.

3. Make the scene more visually interesting: While the descriptions are detailed, the visuals could still use a bit more work to really make the scene pop. Consider adding in more creative camera angles or shots to make it more cinematic.

4. Clarify the setting: While we know that the scene takes place in a post-apocalyptic world, it would be helpful to know more about the setting to really help set the scene. Add in more details about the town, the surroundings, or the cause of the apocalypse to give more context to the story.



Scene 2 - Family Scavenging and Bonding
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
6 INT. GENERAL STORE - FRONT - LATE AFTERNOON 6

The father gently puts the box on the ground and pulls back
the pieces of thick quilt to reveal that all the contents are
actually wrapped in it.
4.


He then reaches for a LARGE HIKING BACK PACK, and begins
transferring the contents of the box into the bag. As he
does, we see... cans of food, a variety of prescription
pills, bandages and wrapped syringes.

The girl arrives at his side and excitedly starts rummaging
through the box as well. As she does, we see... thick
paintbrushes, bottles of glue, bottles of lighter fluid and a
stack of old newspapers. Then... her face lights up. From
the box, she pulls out a SALVAGED SECURITY CAMERA with wires
exposed. The girl gives it a brief once over and then
removes... two exposed CIRCUIT BOARDS, very obviously only
recently removed from whatever appliance they belonged to.
The girl scans the boards with a voracity, pointing out to
the father particular areas of interest. Her father can’t
help but smile.

Suddenly, the box of Amoxicillin comes into frame and is
placed on top... along with two boxes of sugar. The father
looks up at his wife. After a beat... she signs:

MOTHER (SIGNING)
For my tea.

He just keeps looking at her.

MOTHER (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
Fine. I have a sweet tooth.

The father smiles and is about to close the bag when... a
candy bar is placed on top.

DAUGHTER (SIGNING)
Me too!

The father looks up at her with fake incredulity. Suddenly
the sick son in his mother’s arms weakly signs:

OLDER SON (SIGNING)
Me too.

The whole family laughs silently as the daughter GENTLY takes
another candy bar from a box below the cash register... We
can now see why the boxes are almost empty.

The father looks back to his arriving four year old son,
expecting the same, but from behind his back the young boy
reveals... the toy space shuttle.

With a sweet empathy the father reaches for the toy... and
shakes his head no. He turns the toy over and silently
explains it has batteries... this toy can make noise.
5.


The little boy watches, confused... hurt, as his father
gently places the space shuttle on the counter. And then
gently grabs a big lollipop and puts it in the bag for the
boy.

The mother hands their sick son to the father who picks him
up and walks out. The mother kisses her 4 year old on the
head, shuffles the hiking bag onto her back and walks out
too.

The daughter looks at the boy as tears begin to fill his
eyes. She smiles and signs:

DAUGHTER (SIGNING)
It’s ok.

The boy shakes his head no.

After a moment... the girl looks back to see if her parents
are there. She then reaches up and takes the shuttle down
from the counter. With wide eyes her little brother watches
as she surgically removes the batteries... and places the
shuttle in the hood of her brother’s sweatshirt. Covering it
from view, she holds a finger up to her lips in the
obligatory big sister way of telling him not to get her in
trouble... He beams!

She then stands up and places the batteries back on the
counter, smiles at her brother and gestures “let’s go”.


7 EXT. MAIN STREET - LATE AFTERNOON 7

The daughter exits the General Store and follows her mother
and father, who are walking down the street only stepping on
the sand path. Their steps are almost silent.

After a moment... her four year old brother follows behind
her. We watch everyone walk in total silence.

Then...


8 INT. GENERAL STORE - LATE AFTERNOON 8

We slowly push in to the counter of the store and then
realize... THE BATTERIES ARE GONE!


9 EXT. ROAD - LATE AFTERNOON 9

A long road slices its way through a heavily wooded area,
which further blocks the already fading sun.
6.


In WIDE PROFILE we see the family walking in a line,
continuing only on a sand path. The father is in front
carrying their sick son, then the mother with the backpack,
then their blonde daughter... and trailing a bit behind
rumbles their robust 4 year old.
Genres: ["post-apocalyptic","drama"]

Summary The family scavenges for supplies in a post-apocalyptic world and bonds over their findings, but also face the dilemma of noise-making toys.
Strengths "The scene effectively builds the family's dynamics and their situation in a post-apocalyptic world. The daughter's cleverness and empathy for her little brother showcase her character well."
Weaknesses "There is not much conflict or high stakes in this scene."
Critique This scene is well-written with effective use of visual details to convey the post-apocalyptic setting and the family's resourcefulness. The dialogue is minimal, but the use of sign language adds depth to the characters and their relationships. The scene also has a clear structure with a beginning, middle, and end, with a twist at the end to create tension and suspense. Overall, this scene effectively conveys both the survival skills and the familial bonds of the characters.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Give more visual details: While the scene does provide some good imagery, there is still room for improvement. Consider adding more sensory details to help the audience visualize the setting and the characters. For example, describe the sounds of the forest, the feel of the sand path beneath their feet, and the facial expressions of the characters.

2. Use dialogue more effectively: While the use of sign language is an interesting and unique aspect of the scene, it can be challenging for viewers who are not familiar with it to fully understand what is being communicated. Consider using more spoken dialogue or subtitles to help convey important information.

3. Add more tension: Although the scene is engaging, there isn't much tension or conflict. Consider adding an obstacle or challenge that the family has to overcome, such as encountering dangerous wildlife or struggling to carry all their supplies. This will make the scene more interesting and keep the audience invested in the story.

4. Develop the characters more: While the scene provides some insight into the family dynamics, there is room for more character development. Consider adding more backstory or exposition to help the audience understand the characters' motivations and desires. This will help the audience connect with the characters and become invested in their journey.



Scene 3 - The Toy Shuttle
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
10 EXT. BRIDGE - LATE AFTERNOON 10

From the ground we look up at an old and rusted bridge
towering over us eerily... the sand path continues across it.

WE TRACK WITH THE FAMILY as they walk across the bridge...
There are minor creaks underneath the sand.

Suddenly we see... the four year old stops just before the
entrance of bridge. The family continues... not seeing him.

WE FOLLOW THE BOY’S HANDS as he fishes around in his hood and
pulls out... THE TOY SHUTTLE.

HEAD ON, we walk with the father, each member of his proud
brood can be seen walking behind him. We can hear his
strained breath... and the tiniest swish of the footsteps in
sand.

HEAD ON, walking with the daughter... we now suddenly hear
nothing. As she looks to be in her own world... So we are in
hers. A smile breaks on her face as she walks and breathes in
total silence. We walk with her for a long moment, when
suddenly behind her...

A FLICKERING RED AND BLUE LIGHT.

The girl does not turn. She just keeps walking. Still
smiling. As she looks up to her mother, we go into:

SLOW MOTION

- FROM THE GIRLS’S POV, we see her mother and father spin
around with a frantic shock on their faces.

- BACK ON THE GIRL. She looks confused at her parents
behavior... LIGHTS AGAIN FLASH EERILY BEHIND HER.

- ON THE FATHER rushing to put the boy on the ground and
turning to run.

- ON THE MOTHER, spinning around with terror in her eyes...
she looks to be holding in a SCREAM.

- BACK ON THE GIRL slowly beginning to turn around at what
her parents could be looking at as we:
7.


SPEED BACK UP TO NORMAL

A loud playful beeping rushes in... from the blinking
shuttle.

Then, from the woods we hear... THE MOST UNMISTAKEABLE
HORRIFYING.... SCREEEEEEEECH!!!

- ON THE MOTHER as she slowly lowers the backpack to the
ground... and her legs begin to fail her.

- ON THE FATHER running, violently shaking his head... It
looks like he’s HOLDING IN A SCREAM.

- THE TREES BEHIND THEM... RUSTLE AND SNAP as something
barrels through.

- ON THE BOY... holding up his space ship proudly to his
incoming father... an enormous smile on his face.

- ON THE FATHER... 20 feet away... his face is a still frame
of pure fear as he runs to camera. Then:

THE MOST IMMEDIATE AND TERRIFYING COMBINATION OF SOUND ONE
COULD EVER IMAGINE.

... A SHRIEK?... A SCREAM? ... A CRUNCH? Then...

ON THE FATHER as... a thin line of blood splatters on his
face.

- Mid run, the father’s body immediately goes limp... failing
him as he comes to a halt just in front of camera.

- Then, as quickly as it came... THE SOUND IS GONE.

- IN WIDE PROFILE, The father stands lifeless... The two
children stand frozen with fear... the MOTHER drops to her
knees and... a space shuttle blinks silently in the sand.

The four year old... IS GONE.

Once again... only the wind can be heard.




BLACK.
8.




SILENCE.




FADE IN: TITLE




A QUIET PLACE
9.


Still in BLACK... A new sound... Almost like that of the
ocean.


11 EXT. BEACH - LATE AFTERNOON 11

The new sound continues. In the last of the day’s sunlight:

WE TRACK, LOOKING STRAIGHT DOWN, on... what appears to be an
empty beach. The pink lit sand, now combined with a sound
like the ocean, feels serene, almost otherworldly.

Slowly coming into frame, we see the face of... the daughter.
This is REGAN ABBOTT. Her hair is much longer. She is now
TWO YEARS OLDER, 12. She just looks... different.

REGAN lays in the sand with eyes closed... but she is not
asleep.

With her brow furrowed and her closed eyes darting back and
forth she looks oddly pained... almost as if she is wishing
herself to another place.

There is movement in her hands as her fingers caress an
object.

Her eyes suddenly POP OPEN as she sits up violently CLOSE UP
INTO OUR FRAME! She looks around with eyes wet and red,
attempting to regain her bearings.

WE SLOWLY MOVE AROUND her to see what she sees and are met
with... a jarringly incongruous landscape! Instead of a
glistening ocean, there in front of REGAN stand the tall
swaying stalks of... A CORNFIELD.

As REGAN looks to her lap WE SLOWLY TRAVEL DOWN to reveal...
she is holding THE TOY SHUTTLE. As she maneuvers it through
her fingers we see the shuttle is damaged... there are 2
large gouges in the fuselage.

Suddenly... Something startles her as she snaps her head to
the side!

WE GO CLOSE on her hand driving the TOY SHUTTLE into the
sand, not wanting it to be seen. Now ONLY THE SHUTTLE’S TAIL
is exposed in the foreground as we see a figure walking
toward REGAN.

Coming into focus is... her mother. This is EVELYN ABBOTT.
EVELYN too has changed. Hair longer... frame lower. She
carries a basket of vegetables. She is bare foot.

EVELYN stops and looks down at her daughter giving her a
comforting smile. REGAN can’t seem to return the same.
10.


EVELYN gently gestures with her head. REGAN nods... and
EVELYN walks on. After a moment... REGAN places the TOY
SHUTTLE into the large pocket in her dress and follows her
mother. As she goes:

WE PAN TO FOLLOW REGAN as she joins her mother and then
SLOWLY RISE to reveal that the two women are walking along...
A LONG AND WIDE SAND PATH IN THE MIDDLE OF A FARM! In the
distance we can see they are heading to... A WEATHERED RED
BARN.

WE END OUR RISE just as we reveal in the foreground...
Christmas lights? Like parallel telephone wires, 2 cables of
large bulbs, one with red and one with white. They dance
playfully in the wind.
Genres: ["post-apocalyptic","horror"]

Summary The family walks across a bridge, and the daughter plays with a noisy toy shuttle. The noise attracts a deadly creature, and the father sacrifices himself to save the family. Two years later, Regan, the daughter, is struggling with her guilt over her part in her father's death.
Strengths "Powerful and tense moments, engaging plot, strong concept"
Weaknesses "Weak dialogue and underdeveloped characters"
Critique Overall, the scene appears to be well-written with clear and concise descriptions. The use of specific camera angles and slow motion adds effective visual storytelling to the scene. The tension and suspense build gradually, leading up to the ultimate reveal of the ominous cornfield. However, one minor critique would be the use of ALL CAPS for sound descriptions in the script. This is not standard formatting and can distract from the overall flow of the scene. It would be more effective to write sound descriptions in lowercase letters or use parentheses.
Suggestions - Clarify the stakes: The scene should make it clearer what the family is afraid of - is it a creature that attacked them earlier, or is it simply the danger of noise in a quiet place? This will help build tension and stakes throughout the scene.

- Increase the foreshadowing: The toy shuttle and its damage should be established earlier in the script, so that the audience is more invested in its significance and potential danger.

- Use more sensory details: The scene would benefit from more sensory details, such as the sounds of the wind, rustling leaves, or the characters' breathing. This can help to create a more immersive environment and deepen the audience's connection to the characters.

- Make the pacing more consistent: The scene jumps from slow-motion to real-time very quickly, which can be jarring. A more gradual transition or more consistent pacing would help create a smoother, more natural flow to the scene.

- Create more emotional resonance: The characters' reactions to the danger should be more emotionally intense and nuanced. This will help to build empathy with the characters and make the audience more invested in their struggle to survive.



Scene 4 - The Abbott Family's New Normal
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 0
12 INT. TRUCK - LATE AFTERNOON 12

CLOSE UP PROFILE of a steering wheel in the foreground. A
weathered CHEVY emblem reflects the fire orange sky in the
background.

HANDS come into frame and gently grip the steering wheel.
The right hand then slowly moves to the ignition block... and
turns. There is no sound. After a moment, the hand turns
again...again without sound. The hand turns a third time...
this time, the hand begins to bob ever so slightly... as if
the old car has started up. As the hand retracts:

WE PULL BACK to reveal... The little brother. This is MARCUS
ABBOTT, now 10. Moving ever so slightly, MARCUS is obviously
pretending to drive... though his impassive face betrays the
idea that he is having any fun. MARCUS seems to have aged
much more than the mere 2 years. His vacant eyes tell us a
large toll has been taken on him, though perhaps not as
easily recognizable on the exterior.


13 EXT. TRUCK - LATE AFTERNOON 13

WE MOVE SLOWLY IN POV along another large sand path with high
grass on either side when suddenly it opens up into a large
clearing and we see... a tractor?... Shells of untouched farm
equipment litter the open area.

WE SLOWLY MOVE LEFT, making our way through, what is now
nothing more than an eery farming vehicle graveyard.
Suddenly... A DARK FIGURE ENTERS THE FRAME.
11.


14 INT. TRUCK - LATE AFTERNOON 14

MARCUS’s hands move silently along the steering wheel as he
stares out the windshield. His body moves ever so slightly,
his face... relaxes... the hint of a smile. For a moment we
could almost believe he is driving. His eyes routinely check
the side mirror, then the rearview mirror... then stop. His
hands... and face fall.

THROUGH THE REAR VIEW MIRROR, we see a figure standing behind
the truck amidst the sea of farm equipment. Behind the figure
we see... A TOWERING SILO.


15 EXT. TRUCK - LATE AFTERNOON 15

OVER THE DARK FIGURE onto the truck as we see MARCUS expertly
slip out of the cab window of a VINTAGE CHEVY PICKUP that
sits at the edge of a DESCENDING DRIVEWAY connecting to the
road that heads back toward the BARN. He lands in the sand
without a sound and begins to walk, head held low, toward the
dark figure... who reaches his hand out and briefly touches
Marcus’ shoulder. Marcus walks straight past.

As MARCUS exits we BOOM UP the dark figure as it turns,
revealing... LEON ABBOTT (LEE), 38. LEE too has changed,
though much more obviously. He has lost weight on his strong
farmer frame, he wears a beard and his sunken eyes indicate
that he hasn’t slept well... in a long time.

WE PULL BACK WIDE to reveal the sea of farm equipment sits in
front of a long, dilapidated, work shed roof... a makeshift
repair shop. The word ‘REPAIR’ is written in flaking white
paint that clings to the wood above.


16 EXT. BARN - SUNSET 16

The line of Christmas lights dance in the foreground.

WE TILT DOWN to see that the lights run right in between...
two towering doors of a weathered red BARN. The doors have
been left open by a gap of just over 2 feet. The edges of
the doors... are wrapped in foam...

Suddenly MARCUS walks into frame... and enters the barn.


17 INT. BARN - SUNSET 17

WE TILT DOWN from the lines of unilluminated Christmas lights
running below the high reaching ceiling and...
12.


ONTO MARCUS’ BACK as he walks through two heavy quilts at the
entry of the barn hanging from the ceiling. Through the
quilts, a dirt floor guides us through this... barn? The
surroundings are too difficult to fully comprehend at first
glance.

To the left are several large horse stalls. WE QUICKLY PAN
INSIDE to see they are now... bedrooms. Mattresses,
perfectly made up, lie on the floor next to lamps and small
stacks of books. Clothes on hangers dangle between each of
the bars providing not only storage, but limited privacy.

To the right is a large pen with railings. Once a holding
area for cows awaiting milking, it is now... a living room.
Hay bales draped in blankets and old wooden chairs surround
an overturned pig trough, now serving as a coffee table
covered in books and dripping candles.

As MARCUS continues we notice the walls. Every inch is
meticulously covered in a bizarre but elegant cornucopia
of... trash. Foam, cardboard, and old newspapers are glued to
the wall in thick layers.

If one were able to look past the obvious first assumption of
a hovel or domicile of hoarders, they would see almost... a
deliberate beauty in the decor... A warmth. This is a well
maintained and loving... home.

WE FOLLOW ON MARCUS’ BACK as he suddenly comes to... A
MATTRESS LAYING ON THE GROUND? MARCUS bends down and after a
brief struggle pushes the mattress to one side to reveal... A
large hole...

WE FOLLOW JUST BEHIND MARCUS... as he descends down the
ground...
Genres: ["Post-Apocalyptic","Drama","Horror"]

Summary The family continues to scavenge for supplies in a world where sound attracts deadly creatures. The father has sacrificed himself to save the family from such a creature and two years later, the daughter is struggling with guilt over her part in his death. The family has managed to create a makeshift home in a barn, with bedrooms in horse stalls and a living room in a cow pen.
Strengths "Strong world-building and visual storytelling that provide a bleak yet intriguing glimpse into a post-apocalyptic society. The family dynamics and the toll of their situation on each member are well-developed."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant dialogue and character development."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that the scene in question is well crafted in terms of its description. The writer uses vivid language to describe the environment, characters, and actions taking place in the scene, creating a clear picture in the reader's mind. The use of visual imagery, such as the weathered Chevy emblem reflecting the orange sky and the towering silo behind the figure, helps to create a sense of atmosphere and mood.

One minor critique I would offer is that the scene could benefit from a clearer sense of purpose or objective. While we see the little brother and his father on the farm, we don't yet know what their goals or motivations are, or what conflict they might be facing. Adding a hint of tension or conflict in the scene could help to engage the audience and invest them in the story.

Overall, though, this is a well-written scene that effectively establishes setting and character. With some additional development, it could be a strong opening to a compelling story.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more active, sensory details to the scene to engage and immerse the audience. For example, when describing the sea of farm equipment in scene 13, instead of simply stating that it is a "eery farming vehicle graveyard," the scene could be enhanced with specific details such as the rusted metal groaning in the wind, the sound of creaking chains, and the overpowering smell of gasoline and rust. Additionally, adding more character development and dialogue could add depth to the scene and give insight into the emotional states of the characters. For example, in scene 15, instead of simply describing the interaction between Marcus and Lee, dialogue between the two could reveal their strained relationship and the context behind the tension. Overall, incorporating more sensory details and character development could enhance the scene and make it more impactful for the audience.



Scene 5 - Surviving the Aftermath
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
18 INT. BARN - SAFE ROOM - SUNSET 18

WE NOW SEE MARCUS has descended a makeshift stairwell into...
A small excavated room illuminated by work lights. Lodged up
against the walls and across the ceiling are wooden beams.
In between each beam are varying stages of an elaborate
process of insulation and sound proofing that consists of a
thick layer of newspaper as a base and then blankets and
pillows squeezed in on top. There is a hay bale up against
one wall and a mattress leaned up against another.

In the middle of the room, MARCUS walks past... EVELYN, who
is bent over behind an odd wooden box. Suddenly she stands
up, holding a beautiful and delicate... baby mobile.

As she turns and reaches the mobile high in the air to a beam
above her we get a clear shot... of her protruding belly.
13.


Even a layman guess would put her over 8 months. EVELYN
gently taps the mobile as we:

ARE NOW CLOSE ON the small ducks and clouds moving through
the air, EVELYN below looking up... with a smile.

MARCUS sits down next to REGAN who is on the floor next to a
stack of old newspapers and bottles of glue.

She removes a large sheet of newspaper from a plastic tray of
glue, lets it drip... and then applies it to the wall with a
thick paintbrush. As she moves the paintbrush vertically down
the dripping white, a piece of an image can be seen... It is
a bra ad. REGAN slowly looks over to MARCUS... who stares at
it.

BACK ON EVELYN as she removes the top of the odd wooden box.
WE FOLLOW her hands in to reveal... a heavily quilted inside
with adorable baby blankets, a small teddy bear... and a
clear plastic air mask??

EVELYN’s fingers fumble with something in the corner until
she finally threads through... a thin plastic tube... and
connects it to the air mask. It looks similar to an
emergency breathing apparatus one might see in an ambulance
or hospital... because it is.

BACK ON MARCUS, as he now removes a large piece of dripping
newspaper out of the tray and places it on the wall. Like his
sister, he swipes his thick paintbrush vertically down the
dripping white, this time partially revealing a front page
headline. It reads...

‘AGE OF MASS’
MARCUS looks at it inquisitively... and then swipes the
paintbrush horizontally across the whole headline.

It reads:

‘IMAGE OF MASSACRED MILITARY SHOCKS THE WORLD’
MARCUS freezes... then looks below to see the top of a grainy
newspaper photograph. All we can make out is... a twisted
human arm. His hand slowly begins to shake as he raises the
paintbrush to reveal the rest of the image... when suddenly:

A PILLOW FLIES INTO FRAME!!!!!!

MARCUS JUMPS!!!!!... Only to see his mom holding a pillow
over the newspaper with a knowing look. After a beat, she
hands MARCUS a long piece of tape to secure the pillow to the
wall.
14.


19 EXT. REPAIR YARD SILO - ROOF - SUNSET TO DUSK 19

ON THE BACK OF... LEE, perched on what looks like the top of
the world.

From this great height we get our first WIDE SHOT of the
large farm that we now see sits in a clearing on a ridge...
surrounded by the tangled forest of the APPALACHIAN
MOUNTAINS.

A puff of smoke rises from LEE’s silhouette as he suddenly
raises a hand into frame... and checks his watch. A moment
later... As if on cue...

A line of CHRISTMAS LIGHTS flicker to life above the wide
sand path REGAN was laying on.

Another line of white Christmas lights flicker on... this
time revealing a path that connects the weathered red BARN...
to an old white FARMHOUSE. Then another line of lights...
and another! Like the image of a city power grid coming back
to life, we see a labyrinth of countless sand paths,
meticulously laid out, illuminate all over the farm in a
beautiful expanse.

NOW IN PROFILE, LEE stares down... seemingly at nothing. The
unfiltered cigarette burns to his fingers, causing LEE to
snap out of his stupor. He looks around at the horizon, it is
officially sundown. He reaches for a plastic bottle of...
Lighter fluid... and sprays all its contents into a shallow
metal drum in front of him.

Another cigarette appears from below frame. He puts it in his
mouth and then reaches his hands... into his jacket. His
right arm jiggles slightly. There is no sound. His arm
jiggles again. Then from his jacket, LEE pulls... a FULLY LIT
LIGHTER, that he protects from the wind. He lights his
cigarette and then leans his hands to the metal drum... A
HUGE FLAME ERUPTS.

In the glowing orange we see LEE take a long drag of his
cigarette. His face has no affect. After several moments the
flame begins to weaken and slowly fade.

Suddenly, far FAR off in the distance on the ridge... ANOTHER
FLAME ILLUMINATES. LEE doesn’t even look up. Then, miles
past the first... ANOTHER FLAME!... THEN ANOTHER! Until we
can see behind LEE 5 glowing fires scattered far off across
the ridge.

ON LEE as he glances over and registers... then back to
staring front as we:
15.


MOVE AROUND BEHIND him to see where his gaze is focused.
Then... we see it. There, in his left hand LEE holds... A 5X6
nursery school photo of a 4 year old boy.

LEE takes a last drag of his cigarette... and then places the
photo in a small box at his feet.

WE ARE TIGHT ON THE BOX as LEE stands and walks toward two
curved bars on the side of the SILO. He turns around... and
begins to descend A LADDER.

WE HOLD ON THE SMALL BOX... then just as LEE’s head
disappears... WE SLOWLY BEGIN TO RISE.

Now looking at the opposite side of the ridge than we did in
the beginning, the rising moon’s light now spills across the
vista of rock and trees and onto an enormous and bizarrely
out of place.... CRATER!

WE HOLD ON THE CRATER FOR A LONG MOMENT... Then:


20 INT. BARN - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 20

WE ARE CLOSE on a small mound of dirt. Suddenly two hands
covered in winter gloves enter frame and begin to dig down
about 3 inches to reveal... a plank of wood.

WIDER NOW, we see EVELYN on her hands and knees just behind
the living room set up in an open, very make-shift kitchen.
One wall of shelves cluttered with stacks of paper plates,
bowls and cups. Another wall is a workbench acting as a
counter top and a mid 70’s refrigerator.

EVELYN extracts from the dirt a long wooden box. Beneath
it... red hot rocks let off a combination of steam and smoke.

EVELYN brings the box to the counter top and carefully lifts
the lid to reveal... a perfectly cooked fish with lemon and
rosemary and garlic scattered all around.


21 INT. BARN - BEDROOMS - NIGHT 21

WE TRACK with REGAN as she walks down the row of horse stall
bedrooms.

REGAN arrives at the threshold of LEE and EVELYN’s bedroom.
LEE is faced away from her, washing his face in a long trough
like sink that runs the length of the room. Suddenly,
through the mirror leaning on the wall, LEE sees her... But
does not turn.
16.


Through the mirror, the two of them looking silently at each
other for a moment too long... it is heartbreaking.

REGAN pathetically gestures “eating”. As LEE nods, trying to
muster a polite smile we can see very clearly... something is
broken.

LEE wipes his face with a towel and then turns to face... an
empty doorway.
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary The family scavenges for supplies in a post-apocalyptic world where sound attracts deadly creatures. They have created a makeshift home in a barn, complete with a safe room for the baby. As they continue to survive, the family members struggle with the guilt and trauma of losing their father/husband.
Strengths "The tension remains consistent throughout, slowly building up to particular moments of heightening anxiety. The family bond and emotional conflicts add depth to the story."
Weaknesses "The dialogue can be sparse at times, which could impact character development. A stronger focus could be placed on building a more rounded sense of the world atmosphere and the antagonistic creatures."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and descriptive, but there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the scene jumps between different characters and settings quite abruptly, which can be disorienting for the reader. It may be helpful to establish each location and character more clearly before switching to a different one.

Additionally, some of the imagery and dialogue feels a bit heavy-handed, particularly with regards to the emotional stakes of the scene. It's important to trust the reader to pick up on subtleties and not rely too heavily on exposition or overt symbolism.

Finally, it would be helpful to have more context for this scene within the larger story. Without knowing what has come before or what is to come after, it's difficult to fully engage with the characters and their actions.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene could be to add more dialogue or character interaction to further develop the relationships between the characters. For example, having Marcus and Regan have a conversation about the news headline they see could reveal more about their perspectives and attitudes towards the world outside of their shelter. Additionally, adding more context or backstory to Lee's character and his relationship with Evelyn could add more depth to their interaction in the bedroom scene. Overall, adding more character development and relationship dynamics can make the scene more engaging and impactful for the audience.



Scene 6 - Dinner and a Game
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
22 INT. BARN - TABLE - NIGHT 22

The family sits down together for dinner... around an old
workbench. Their heads bowed in prayer, after a moment
EVELYN lifts her head and they begin to eat. There are no
plates. The food sits on various children’s plastic
placemats. There are no utensils... The family uses only
bread to collect food. We slowly pull back on this silent...
but comfortingly familiar scene.


23 INT. BARN - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 23

REGAN and MARCUS lie on the floor playing... Monopoly.

By the dim light of an oil lantern... we can see the game’s
board is the same, but the pieces are small colored bobbles
of wool, the kind you would find on a children’s Christmas
sweater. The houses and hotels are empty sugar packets, blue
and pink. And the money?... Small pieces of green, red, blue
and orange fabric rectangles... all equally sized.

MARCUS is five spaces away from his sister’s hotel on
Boardwalk. He takes a sip of water and places the cup on top
of a tall crate being used as a makeshift side table. MARCUS
looks at his sister, who can’t hide her smile. He mimes a
prayer before rolling the dice on the dirt floor, where it
makes no noise............... 5!

MARCUS slowly looks up to REGAN, knowing his fate. REGAN
smiles pointedly and then reaches for MARCUS’ money. As
MARCUS thrusts his arm back to protect his bank, his elbow...
hits the oil lantern!!

A BOOMING CRASH!!!! As the oil lantern hits the ground and
shatters. THE SOUND FEELS HUGE!.. AS IT IS THE FIRST BIG
SOUND WE’VE HEARD! FIRE ERUPTS ON THE FLOOR!!! The children
stare frozen in horror!

LEE immediately jumps up from the table and instinctively
grabs a quilt and throws it on the fire. With a few silent
pats... the fire is gone.
16A.


SILENCE.

EVERYONE FREEZES!!!!... NO ONE IS BREATHING!!!

REGAN shoots MARCUS a look... of concern. MARCUS shoots LEE a
look... of terror. LEE shoots a look... to the roof.
17.


ON LEE as he stands up INTO frame. He has almost physically
transformed from a man... into protection incarnate. He
slowly raises a stiff finger to his lips, his body so
tense... it looks painful. This is the unwanted version of
himself that lies just millimeters under his skin... 24 hours
a day.

After a long moment... nothing... It would have happened by
now...

LEE finally nods that everything is OK. MARCUS stares at
REGAN with a painfully apologetic face as she leans in and
touches his hand.

BANG!!!
The whole family startles in silence!!!

... Something has hit the roof.

EVERYONE IS FROZEN... LOOKING AT THE CEILING.

Seconds later a high pitched SHRIEEEEEEK of CLAWS sliding
down the aluminum roof. The family follows the sound exactly
with their eyes. Then silence.

LEE crouches down and walks to a small window where the sound
stopped above. MARCUS wildly shakes his head “no”, evidence
of his traumatic anxiety resurfacing. REGAN slowly stands,
looking on with wide eyes.

LEE arrives at the window, crouched. From his low vantage
point we can see the lip of the gutter... and the eerily
swaying Christmas lights.

LEE begins to stand up slowly, his face now virtually pressed
against the glass.

Suddenly, A WHIR OF SCREECHING AND GROWLING!!! A LARGE SHAPE
FALLS PAST THE WINDOW!!!!

... As two raccoons hit the ground, fighting... then scamper
off into the dark.

LEE somehow exhales slowly and calmly... a trick that, no
doubt, took much practice... and walks away from the window.


23A EXT. CORNFIELD 23A

The two raccoons round the corner onto a moonlit path heading
toward camera.. Just as they come into CLOSE UP...
18.


A GIANT BLACK CLAW CRUSHES DOWN ONTO THE FIRST RACCOONS
HEAD... and then rips it out of frame. We hold on the second
raccoon running off with a soft but piercing scream.


24 EXT. FARM - NIGHT 24

It is night. From high above, we look down to the sand path
between the RED BARN and the WHITE FARMHOUSE. In the
foreground we see the shadow of a telephone pole. Sitting on
the wire in silhouette... are BIRDS.


25 EXT. SAND PATH - NIGHT 25

FROM THE GROUND, we see the FARMHOUSE in the distance... but
something is different. The color seems wrong... the angle is
odd. The foreground is over exposed and tiny dots fly in and
out of the frame.

Suddenly... A GIANT FOOT STEPS INTO FRAME!!!!

... AND THEN ANOTHER... as we watch two bare feet... then the
hem of a dress... and then the silhouette of... EVELYN walk
silently toward the house.
Genres: ["science fiction","post-apocalyptic"]

Summary The family eats dinner together and plays a game of Monopoly in their makeshift barn home. The game is interrupted by a loud noise, causing panic and tension as they try to remain quiet to avoid attracting deadly creatures. A nearby attack by creatures confirms their fears of danger.
Strengths "Intense and suspenseful. Reveals the vulnerability and constant danger the family faces. Explores themes of guilt and sacrifice."
Weaknesses "Minimal dialogue."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and successfully creates tension and suspense as the family faces possible danger. The use of the unique setting of a barn and unconventional dinner setup adds to the overall tone of the scene. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved.

In terms of pacing, the scene may benefit from a bit more buildup before the lantern accident. While the tension is high after the accident, it may be more impactful if the audience had more time to feel invested in the characters before the danger arises.

Additionally, while the reveal of the raccoons and the giant claw is unexpected and eerie, it may be more impactful to show the danger more directly. Keeping the audience in the dark for too long can lead to a sense of disconnect from the danger.

Lastly, while the use of unique and unconventional details is effective, it is important to make sure they enhance the story and tone, rather than distracting from it. The use of specific details such as the sugarpacket houses do add to the scene, but the focus on the colors and materials of the Monopoly pieces may be unnecessary.

Overall, the scene shows promise and has a strong sense of tension and suspense, but could benefit from some refinement in pacing and detail choices.
Suggestions 1. Make the transition between the two scenes smoother by showing a clear connection or continuation of the family's activities.

2. Add more depth and backstory to the characters, perhaps by showing their relationships and interactions with each other in a more detailed manner.

3. Consider adding more tension and conflict within the scene, to increase the stakes and keep the audience engaged.

4. Use more descriptive language and sensory details, to fully immerse the audience in the setting and build atmosphere.

5. Consider adding more foreshadowing or hints at the possible dangers or threats lurking in the environment, to increase suspense and anticipation.



Scene 7 - Lee's Search for Life
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
26 INT. FARMHOUSE - BASEMENT - NIGHT 26

WE SLOWLY PULL BACK from THAT SAME SHOT of the FARMHOUSE and
reveal... a plastic frame... A red light... buttons. We
realize this image is being viewed... on a small monitor.
CCTV FOOTAGE... from A SECURITY CAMERA.

WE CONTINUE TO PULL BACK SLOWLY as ... Another monitor comes
into frame... with another stacked on top of it... then one
next to it... and another... until we reveal, like something
out of a Dr. Seuss book, a wall of 20 TV’s, all shapes and
brands sit on top of a large workbench covered with open
notebooks and sliced up newspapers. On each screen we see
elements of trees... sand paths... the barn... the silo.
This is a DIY version of a security console that overlooks
the entire farm... and it has taken a long time to put
together.

WE BEGIN TO TRACK past the empty security console and onto a
cinder block wall... covered in notes and newspaper
clippings. Then...

... WE BARELY HEAR A TINY, ALMOST FAMILIAR, SOUND.

... THEN A HANDFUL OF SMALL BEEPING SOUNDS.
19.


Suddenly a portion of one visible newspaper clipping shows a
close up and much more detailed image of... the enormous
crater. The headline reads:

‘NUMBER OF CONFIRMED GLOBAL LANDING SITES GROWS TO 128’

A post-it note sticks to the clipping that reads:

LANDED 10-18-2018

WE PASS BY more clippings, catching glimpses of dramatic
headlines and surreal images:

‘PRESIDENT CALLS FOR EMERGENCY EVAC IN ALL MAJOR CITIES’

‘CHURCHES, MOSQUES, TEMPLES FLOODED WITH PEOPLE’

WE PASS BY a grainy newspaper photo of a military stand
off... With ONE creature. The headline reads:

‘MILITARY EXPERTS AGREE: “INDESTRUCTIBLE”

...AGAIN WE HEAR THAT FAMILIAR SOUND as it gets louder.

WE CONTINUE TO TRAVEL as... A MAP enters frame. Like one you
would get at a gas station, it is covered in illustrated
forests and rivers... it is a map of THE STATE OF NEW YORK.
The portion above Manhattan... is covered in hand drawn red
circles and pins, each accompanied with a date and names...
of the dead.

WE MOVE FURTHER ALONG to reveal... low quality stills of
security footage barely showing... THE CREATURE. Each still
is drawn on and analyzed. Then... a large white board
covered in writing comes into frame, leaning against the
wall. Amidst the scratches of written and rewritten thoughts,
we can make out two lists labeled, ‘QUESTIONS’ and
‘CONFIRMED’

In the ‘QUESTIONS’ column are listed; ”NO DEMANDS?”, “NO SIGN
OF ORGANIZATION”, “BLIND?” “HOW MANY?”... “SOUND... WHY NOT
ATTACK ALL SOUND?”

In the ‘CONFIRMED’ column are phrases like; “4-6 CONFIRMED IN
PACK”..., “DO NOT ATTACK SMALL SOUNDS”. Then we see the phrase
“DO NOT EAT KILL”.

WE MOVE TO the very bottom of the white board where we see
the word... “WEAPON???”...

Listed below words are crossed out... “EXPLOSIVES”...
“FIRE”... “CHEMICAL”...
20.


AGAIN WE HEAR THAT FAMILIAR SOUND... NOW LOUDER.

... THEN AGAIN THE HANDFUL OF SMALL BEEPING SOUNDS.

WE MOVE OFF OF THE white board and scan past ANATOMICAL
DRAWINGS of A SHARK SENSING PREY USING MAGNETIC FIELDS,
DOLPHINS NAVIGATING THROUGH MINE FIELDS, THE ELECTROMAGNETIC
SPECTRUM and finally images of... THE INNER EAR...

WE NOW MOVE THROUGH meticulously organized shelves covered in
tools... and wires... and various pieces of salvaged
electronic equipment and finally onto...

LEE’S BACK. He is hunched over the workbench working
intensely on something... he is wearing large black
headphones. We see him reach out of frame as we:

WE PUSH PAST an old microphone that is connected to... AN OLD
TRANSATLANTIC HAM RADIO. In the glowing light from the box we
see all kinds of knobs and needles. Below a switch labeled
with two stickers that say “RADIO” and “SPEAKER”, LEE’S hand
comes into frame and turns a large knob revealing... THE
SOURCE OF OUR FAMILIAR SOUND...

LEE IS SEARCHING FOR A SIGNAL. ANY SIGN. ANY SIGN... OF LIFE.

Suddenly... he presses down on a button on the microphone...

... THE HANDFUL OF SMALL BEEPING SOUNDS... IS MORSE CODE.

... THERE IS NO RESPONSE.

WE follow LEE’s hand off of the button and onto... a small
soldering iron. As he picks it up:

WE GO TO LEE at his workspace. With magnifying glasses in
front of his eyes, he works with surgery like precision... on
a small contraption. A small string of smoke rises from his
work.
Genres: ["Horror","Science Fiction","Drama"]

Summary Lee searches for signs of life on an extensive DIY security console set up in a basement. His search is punctuated by tense moments of a familiar and potentially dangerous sound. The scene provides exposition about the post-apocalyptic world, namely the creatures and their targeting of sound, and introduces Lee as a character who is seeking answers.
Strengths "The scene provides critical exposition on the post-apocalyptic world and introduces Lee as an important character."
Weaknesses "There is not enough dialogue in the scene, and there are no significant character interactions."
Critique Overall, the scene effectively sets up the tone and atmosphere of tension and urgency through its use of visual cues and sound. The gradual reveal of the DIY security console and the various clippings and notes on the wall provide context for the larger world and the threat faced by the characters. The use of Morse Code also adds a layer of intrigue and mystery.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon. The scene is heavy on visual description but lacks any substantial dialogue or character interaction. While this is appropriate for a suspenseful sequence, it may not fully engage the audience emotionally. Additionally, some of the information presented on the wall of notes and clippings could be relayed more effectively through dialogue or other visual means, as it may be too overwhelming to take in all at once.

Overall, the scene effectively sets up the stakes and the central conflict, but could benefit from more character interaction and a more streamlined presentation of information.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and provides a lot of detail about the setting and the character of Lee. However, there are a few ways to potentially improve it:
1. Consider condensing some of the descriptions - while the detail is nice, it can be a bit overwhelming to the reader. Try to prioritize the most important information and focus on that.
2. Clarify the purpose of the scene - while it is clear that Lee is searching for a signal, it would be helpful to have some context as to why this is important or what the ultimate goal is.
3. Consider adding some dialogue or interaction - this scene is very heavy on description and visuals, but adding some dialogue or interaction between Lee and another character could add depth and further the story.
4. Make sure the scene is paced well - there are a lot of details packed into this scene, so make sure it doesn't feel rushed or too slow. Finding the right balance can be tricky, but it's important to keep the reader engaged.



Scene 8 - Date Night and Preparations
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 7
27 INT. FARMHOUSE - BASEMENT - STEPS - NIGHT 27

WE ARE OVER the warmly, lit from above, stairwell with LEE at
his work station in the background as...

Delicate bare feet touch down softly, and deliberately on the
steps... Like a child knowing where to step so they don’t
wake their parents.

WE BOOM UP to reveal... EVELYN as she stares at her husband,
who hasn’t heard her, worried?... Admiring?... Lost?
21.


A flicker of a memory echoes through her face as she smiles
and then walks to him... EVELYN IS WEARING EAR BUDS.

ON LEE as a hand touches down gently on his shoulder... he
doesn’t flinch at all. There is immediate recognition
there... Safety. The hands then reach down... and remove
Lee’s headphones. The sound of the searching radio in the
headphones is nearly inaudible.

LEE sits back and holds up... A HEARING AID. It looks like a
somewhat common hearing aid... but with handcrafted
modifications...upgrades. There is a wire extension that
extends from the top... almost like an adapter or plug.

The hands gently grab LEE’s face and turn it. LEE looks up
at EVELYN who he now sees... is wearing lipstick, has pulled
her hair back... and has changed into a beautiful dress.
This... is DATE NIGHT. LEE smiles as EVELYN takes a step
back and with the gentlest of movements, she sweetly beckons
him to her.

LEE looks back at his work for just a moment, his face once
again... focused. Then he lays the hearing aid down on the
table... and stands up.

WE HOLD ON THE HEARING AID and then SLOWLY PULL BACK to
reveal... a pile of more hearing aids, each with a variety of
different modifications, scattered all around his work bench.
This is something he has been working on for a long while.

WE TILT UP from the workbench to see... LEE arrive at his
wife’s side as she puts her hand up on his neck and smiles up
at him warmly, as if there is no where else to be... nothing
to make her happier.

FACE TO FACE NOW, LEE finally allows a smile, looking down at
his time tested partner.

EVELYN’s eyes close as she places her forehead to his and the
two begin to gently sway... in total silence.

Suddenly... EVELYN takes LEE’s hands from around her back...
and places them on her protruding belly. After a moment she
looks up lovingly at her husband to see...

LEE’S SMILE HAS DISAPPEARED. STARING DOWN AT THE BELLY, HIS
FACE LOOKS... LOST.

Knowing this man inside and out, EVELYN keeps her gaze firmly
into her husband’s eyes and slowly moves her hands up LEE’S
arms and gently onto his face. Holding more than his visage
in her hands... LEE finally looks up at her.
22.


EVELYN smiles with recognition of the man she married as her
right hand travels to her right ear. She removes the earbud
from her ear... and seamlessly places it in his, as:

MUSIC RUSHES IN!
The only record on the record player, this is the song they
were married to. This is...

NEIL YOUNG’S HARVEST MOON

Perhaps it’s due to the lack of sound thus far in the
movie... or maybe the marrying image of the two dancing, but
the sounds of the song are crystal clear. We can perfectly
hear every chord, every tremor of vocal chord as we:

PULL BACK on this perfect moment... through the basement...
to the small rectangular basement window to reveal... water
hitting the glass.


28 EXT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT 28

We see a strong rain pouring down around the house.


29 EXT. FARM - MORNING 29

A beautiful crisp morning.


30 EXT. FARMHOUSE - SAND PATH - DAY 30

FROM THE PORCH of the farmhouse, as water drips down from
overhead, WE SLOWLY travel along the sand path toward the
barn when suddenly we arrive at... a small stream of water
cutting right through a, now washed away, segment of the sand
path.

Suddenly LEE’s bare feet enter frame... and then a large
hiking backpack enters frame next to him.

ON LEE as we see a momentary glimpse into the painstaking,
and never ending, workload that goes into maintaining this
farm.

CLOSE on hands as LEE’s bare fingers gouge into the
unforgiving earth at the edge of the sand path to divert the
water. Stones come into frame to form a temporary wall.
Then... LEE hoists, the very obviously heavy, hiking bag onto
his knee. He then slowly and silently undoes a handmade flap
at the bottom of the backpack. From the opening of the bag
pours... SAND.
23.


Quickly and silently, sand piles up on the ground as we
witness for the first time, LEE’s ingenious system that has
kept his family safe all this time.


31 INT. BARN - SAFE ROOM - DAY 31

CLOSE UP OF A GAUGE... Very faint bursts of air can be heard.

WE SLOWLY PULL BACK to reveal EVELYN sitting on a hay bale...
with a blood pressure sleeve on her arm and a stethoscope in
her ears. Behind her is a shelf full of bandages and IV bags.
She stops pumping the bulb, stares down at the gauge... and
then gently lets the air out and removes the sleeve.

EVELYN marks her daily blood pressure on a calendar next to
her. On this calendar we see... her estimated due date is 4
weeks away.

After a moment, she leans over and places the bottom part of
the stethoscope... onto her belly.

A faint sound of adjusting and then...

LUB DUB... LUB DUB... THE BABY’S HEARTBEAT ENGULFS US!!!


32 EXT. FARMHOUSE - DAY 32

WE CREEP SLOWLY ALONG the sand path heading toward the front
door of the FARMHOUSE. Suddenly... REGAN steps into frame,
walking deliberately... as if tiptoeing.


33 INT. FARMHOUSE - DAY 33

REGAN reaches the front door of the FARMHOUSE... and stops at
the threshold. As she looks down at the worn wood floor,
scanning, we can notice... deliberately painted markings on
the floor.

Just then, REGAN takes a dramatically long step inside,
placing her foot down... directly on the first colored
marking... silence. Looking almost relieved, REGAN once
again scans the floor and then focuses on another marking.
She takes another long step, this time far to her right...
and touches down on the next marking... silence. It almost
looks like she’s playing ‘TWISTER’. Getting more confident,
she scans the room, finds another spot and steps quickly.
24.


34 INT. FARMHOUSE - BASEMENT STAIRS - DAY 34

WE LOOK DIRECTLY up the basement stairs toward the warm
hallway at the top.

Suddenly... REGAN takes a long step into frame. Her
silhouette looks down the dark stairwell.

After a moment, she slowly puts her foot down on the first
step... when suddenly...

A DARK FIGURE APPEARS BEHIND HER AND GRABS HER!!!!!
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Horror"]

Summary Lee and Evelyn have a moment of intimacy in a post-apocalyptic world where sound attracts deadly creatures. Lee has been working on a system to keep the family safe, while Evelyn checks her blood pressure and listens to the baby's heartbeat. Meanwhile, Regan follows a series of marked spots in the farmhouse and is attacked from behind in the basement.
Strengths "The scene builds tension and introduces new elements to the story, such as Lee's hearing aids and Regan's mission. It also presents a moment of vulnerability and intimacy between characters."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is sparse and there are some plot points that are not fully explained."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and visually descriptive. The use of silence and sound is effective, and the pacing builds tension and emotion. However, there are a few areas that could be further developed or improved.

First, the action and dialogue are a bit sparse in this scene, which could make it feel slow or uneventful to some readers or viewers. While the use of silent moments can be powerful, it's important to balance them with enough active moments to keep the audience engaged.

Second, the characterizations could be more fully realized. While we get some hints at Lee and Evelyn's relationship and personalities, as well as a glimpse into Regan's behavior, there could be more depth and nuance to these characters. Developing their motives, conflicts, and unique quirks would make them feel more relatable and interesting to audiences.

Overall, this scene effectively conveys a tender moment between Lee and Evelyn while also building tension with Regan's entry into the farmhouse. With some further development, it could be a memorable and impactful scene in the larger story.
Suggestions Overall, this is a well-written scene that effectively conveys the intimacy and connection between Lee and Evelyn, as well as their dedication to ensuring safety on their farm. However, there are a few suggestions that could improve the scene:

1. Show, don't tell: Instead of explicitly stating that Lee has been working on hearing aids with modifications, it would be more impactful to show the audience the pile of hearing aids with different modifications on his workbench. This visual cue allows the audience to draw their own conclusions about Lee's character and his dedication to helping those who are hearing impaired.

2. Clarify the timeline: It may be helpful to add a time stamp or some indication of how much time has passed between the beginning of the scene and when Evelyn places the earbud in Lee's ear. This can give the audience a better sense of how long Lee has been working on his hearing aid modifications.

3. Build tension: While the sudden appearance of the dark figure is a good way to end the scene on a cliffhanger, it may be more effective to build up tension before this moment. Perhaps include some ominous music or an earlier indication that there may be something lurking in the shadows. This can make the audience feel more invested in the scene and create a stronger emotional impact when the figure appears.

Overall, this is a strong scene that effectively conveys the characters' emotions and relationships while also setting up a sense of danger and suspense. By incorporating these suggestions, the scene can be even more impactful and engaging for the audience.



Scene 9 - The Sound of Silence
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
35 EXT. FARMHOUSE - DAY 35

CLOSE ON REGAN... as she is placed down onto the sand path.

A HAND COVERS HER MOUTH!

AS REGAN spins around we see... LEE kneeling in front of her.

LEE (SIGNING)
You CANNOT go down there!

REGAN (SIGNING)
WHY NOT???

LEE (SIGNING)
You know why.

REGAN (SIGNING)
I won’t make a sound!!! I’m not a
child!!!

LEE pauses... that line stings.

LEE (SIGNING)
Just... don’t.

The two stare into each other’s eyes communicating more than
any sign language could.

Suddenly... LEE reaches up to her face?... His still dirty
hands push the hair back over her right ear? It seems so
uncharacteristically warm and gentle when suddenly...

LEE reaches into his pocket with his right hand and pulls
out... THE HEARING AID from the night before.

LEE (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
This time, I was able to use small
amplifiers from the stereo speaker
to--
25.


REGAN (SIGNING)
It won’t work.

LEE (SIGNING)
No, our problem has always been
power, but this should increase the
frequency to--

REGAN (SIGNING)
It never works!!

LEE (SIGNING)
... But we’ll keep trying til it
does.

REGAN looks up at him blankly... as LEE reaches to bring the
new hearing aid up to her ear when suddenly...

REGAN pushes his hand away.

LEE reaches up to her ear to try again... REGAN pushes his
hand away again, giving him a cold stare. With so much
history behind it... It’s a bizarrely heartbreaking
altercation.

He tries again... she pushes again... even harder.

LEE looks at his daughter as she looks at him... her venomous
face, betrayed by the large tears that roll down her cheek.

After a long moment... REGAN snatches the hearing aid from
her father’s hand and walks away.


36 INT. BARN - HAY LOFT - DAY 36

ON MARCUS’ back as he scribbles in a notebook. WE GO CLOSE to
see... MARCUS is writing in a math notebook. His pencil
suddenly pauses, moves up the page through a long math
problem... and stops again. Suddenly... a finger comes into
frame.... and points at a different part of the problem.

WE PULL OUT to reveal... EVELYN and MARCUS sitting in a small
curated area with a desk, book shelves and a white board
covered in various phrases, shapes and equations. We suddenly
realize EVELYN... is HOME SCHOOLING him!

MARCUS suddenly nods and once again begins writing as EVELYN
looks out the small door of the hay loft and down to the sand
path below... As LEE arrives. Suddenly...

MARCUS (SIGNING)
...please don’t make me go...
26.


EVELYN looks over to see MARCUS’s face... awash with panic.

EVELYN (SIGNING)
You will be fine. Your father will
always protect you.

MARCUS GRABS HER ARM TIGHT!... IT STARTLES HER. With tears
in his eyes, he mouths to her... “PLEASE!”

EVELYN (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
Listen to me... It is important
that you learn these things. He
just wants you to be able to take
care of yourself...

MARCUS looks at her.

EVELYN (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
Take care of ME!

EVELYN lightens the conversation by pretending to age in
front of our eyes.

EVELYN (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
... when I’m old... and grey...

EVELYN leans on him. MARCUS can’t help but smile.

EVELYN (CONT'D)

...and I have no teeth...

EVELYN pretending to have no teeth... is too much for MARCUS
to hold back his silent laugh.


37 EXT. BARN - DAY 37

OVER LEE’S large shoulder we barely see MARCUS... moving ever
so slightly in one direction and then another.

ON LEE, with a large hiking pack on his back. He adjusts the
straps of a backpack on MARCUS.

LEE (SIGNING)
Too tight?

MARCUS shakes his head no.

LEE (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
Good.

MARCUS (SIGNING)
No... I don’t want to go.
27.


LEE looks up at EVELYN. Then back to MARCUS.

LEE (SIGNING)
There’s nothing to be scared of.

MARCUS (SIGNING)
...of course there is.

Suddenly behind LEE we see... REGAN appear.

REGAN (SIGNING)
I’ll go.

LEE looks over at his daughter and pauses.

LEE (SIGNING)
No, no. I need you to stay here
and help your mother.

LEE stands up. To EVELYN:

LEE (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
We’ll be back before dinner.

REGAN (SIGNING)
I want to go.

LEE (SIGNING)
Just stay here. You’ll be safe.

LEE turns to EVELYN... who looks at him with slight
disappointment.

LEE (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
... Next time.

LEE pauses... and then kisses EVELYN. LEE and MARCUS walk
down a sand path toward the woods.

EVELYN turns to REGAN... who is already walking away.
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Horror"]

Summary Lee works on a hearing aid to protect Regan from monsters attracted by sound, while Evelyn homeschools their son in their makeshift barn home. The family says goodbye as Lee takes his son on a trip and Regan is left behind.
Strengths "Establishes character relationships and family dynamics. Introduces the concept of a hearing aid for protection against monsters. Builds tension and emotional stakes."
Weaknesses "Some clunky dialogue. Lack of overall plot progression in this specific scene."
Critique The scene is structured well, with clear descriptions and action lines. The use of sign language is interesting, and the non-verbal communication between the characters adds depth to their relationships. However, it's difficult to fully evaluate the scene without context and knowledge of the larger story. Overall, the scene seems emotional and character-driven, with strong relationships between the characters.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more dialogue to the scene to further develop the characters and their relationships. For example, we could hear Lee and Regan talking about why she wants to go down to the woods and what dangers they might face, or Evelyn and Marcus discussing what they are learning in their schooling. This would give the audience more insight into their personalities and motivations.

Another suggestion would be to add more visual description to the scene. For example, we could see more of the farmhouse and barn, and how they fit into the wider landscape. This would give the audience a greater sense of the setting and the world in which the characters are living.

Finally, we could also improve the pacing of the scene by adding more variation in the shot sizes and camera angles. For example, we could have some close-ups of the characters' faces during their emotional moments, but also some wider shots to show the vastness of the landscape around them. This would help to create a more dynamic and engaging scene for the audience.



Scene 10 - Regan Struggles with Her Hearing Aid
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
38 INT. BARN - REGAN’S ROOM - DAY 38

REGAN enters... And throws the hearing aid her father made
her onto the dirt floor. This is the first time we have seen
her bedroom. It is sparse. A hay bale covered in bed
sheets... a small crate with a neat pile of books inside and
several candles on top... a small wooden mirror leant against
the wall.

REGAN drops to her knees. On the ground we now see all kinds
of electronic equipment and tools.
28.


Architectural drawings are pinned to the wall. It is like a
mini version of her father’s work bench.

REGAN grabs her pillow, rips the pillow case off... and
begins furiously packing.

She grabs clothes, a water bottle, a notepad and then... THE
TOY SHUTTLE. She gets up to leave and then looks back... at
the hearing aid on the ground.

CLOSE ON REGAN’s PROFILE as her hand comes into frame and
moves to the hearing aid she currently wears. Suddenly... a
long wire is slowly pulled from deep in her ear canal.
REGAN’s eyes wince with almost a snap of pressure as the wire
comes loose.

REGAN then gently feeds the new hearing aid into her ear...
and pauses.

Suddenly... REGAN clicks on the new hearing aid.

........................................Nothing.

WE WATCH the thin veil of anger on REGAN’s face cascade into
honest sorrow as REGAN’s eyes squeeze shut brutal
disappointment.

WE PULL OUT to see REGAN sitting quietly on the floor. The
quake of her shoulders betray her... as we watch her cry.

After a moment... she reaches for a pillow case... and exits.


39 EXT. WOODS - VALLEY PATHWAY - DAY 39

FROM A DISTANCE LEE leads MARCUS down a thin sand path that
cuts down the steep valley side and through the lush and
learned evergreens of the mountain’s canopy.

MARCUS walks rigid, like one would in the dark. His saucer
eyes furtively clock every detail of his surroundings. LEE
walks casually and confidently, periodically turning to wait
patiently for his son. This is a day of teaching.

ON MARCUS as LEE puts a hand quickly, but gently on his son’s
chest, stopping him in his tracks. LEE focuses down the
path.

OFF MARCUS’s quaking face peering around his father:

WE TOO MOVE around from behind LEE to see... a DEER...
sitting in the middle of the sand path. An adolescent buck,
it holds it’s impressive, but still delicate antlers upright
and proud as it stares directly at LEE and MARCUS.
29.


An image obviously long thought impossible, the moment
carries a certain calm... almost spiritual.

After a long moment, the buck efforts its way to its feet.
Then turns and deftly steps... perfectly along the sand
path... And disappears.


40 EXT. FARMHOUSE - DAY 40

CLOSE ON the roof of the farmhouse. Water from the previous
night’s storm still drips off the edge.

WE SLOWLY TRAVEL down the drainpipe running along the side of
the house when suddenly... the drain stops... and we see PVC
pipe has been attached instead. WE CONTINUE along the PVC
piping to the bottom where we see THE PVC PIPE bend... AND GO
STRAIGHT THROUGH A SHATTERED PANE OF THE BASEMENT WINDOW.


41 INT. FARMHOUSE - BASEMENT - DAY 41

FROM INSIDE THE SHATTERED PANE, we now follow the PVC pipe
into... an old washing machine... now filled with rain water.

Suddenly... a piece of clothing slowly comes into frame and
silently descends into the water.

WE WIDEN OUT TO SEE EVELYN places more clothes into a
WASHER... that is unplugged. We see that she is simply using
the corrugated tumbler inside as a wash board.

She removes a large plaid shirt just above the water line
(still inside the tumbler) and squeezes it dry. The action is
virtually inaudible.

CLOSE UP on a small pile of clothes being stacked onto other
clothes. Then a CINCH.

EVELYN stands up over the newly packed cloth laundry bag...
then bends backward, attempting to relieve a pain in her
back. When she’s done, she picks up the full laundry bag
with one hand... and another full laundry bag with the other.

EVELYN struggles to the foot of the stairs with the two bags
and puts them down. She then takes a deep breath looks up
the stairwell and begins to ascend... again carefully placing
her feet on specific spots on each step. Holding one bag as
high as she can and dragging the second behind her... It’s
uncomfortable watching a fully pregnant woman traverse in
this manner.

WE GO CLOSE ON several stairs as EVELYN’S feet step up... and
drag the bag up the first step... then the second.
30.


Her feet disappear. As she drags the bag up onto the
third... IT CATCHES ON A BENT NAIL IN THE STAIR!!

ON EVELYN, not seeing the cause, pulls again... AND BEGINS TO
FALL!!!!!!

She catches herself on the wall, her eyes lit up... breathing
heavily... she’s ok!

She quietly picks up the bags again and pulls once more.

CLOSE UP ON: THE TIP OF A NAIL IN THE STEP LIFTING OFF THE
STEP, ALMOST STRAIGHT UP... AND THEN RELEASING THE BAG.

ON EVELYN, satisfied, as she drags the bags to the top of the
stairs and disappears.

WE RACK FOCUS to reveal, in the foreground...

THE NAIL STANDING STRAIGHT UP!!!


42 EXT. FARM - DRIVEWAY - LATE AFTERNOON 42

CLOSE ON BARE FEET... walking along a sand path.

WE BOOM UP TO REVEAL... REGAN walking with purpose. In her
hands she carries a pillowcase. Inside the pillowcase... an
irregular shape.

After a moment, she looks up to... the telephone pole.
Sitting on the power line are... MORE BIRDS. There is
something buoyant about them. Something... oblivious.
Genres: ["post-apocalyptic","horror","drama"]

Summary Regan struggles with her new hearing aid as she tries to leave the family and go off on her own. Meanwhile, Lee spends time teaching his son survival skills in the woods, and Evelyn struggles with pregnancy while doing laundry in the basement. Unknown to them, danger looms in the form of creatures attracted by sound.
Strengths "The tension builds with the dangerous creatures and Regan's struggle with her hearing aid. The theme of survival is ever-present."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be stronger."
Critique Overall, the scene is well written and visually descriptive. It paints a clear picture of the setting and the emotions of the characters. However, there are a few things that could be improved.

Firstly, the opening action of Regan throwing her hearing aid onto the floor feels a bit abrupt and could benefit from some further context or build up. It would also be helpful to know why she is packing her things and leaving.

Secondly, the transition from Regan's scene to Marcus and Lee's scene feels a bit sudden and could benefit from a smoother transition.

Finally, the inclusion of the birds on the power line at the end feels random and disconnected from the rest of the scene. It would be helpful to know if this is setting up something that will be explored later in the story. Otherwise, it feels like an unnecessary detail.

Overall, the scene has solid writing but could benefit from a bit more clarity and connection between its different elements.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene is to add more dialogue or inner monologue for Regan. Currently, the scene relies heavily on visual cues and imagery to convey Regan's emotions and actions. By adding some spoken words or thoughts, the audience can better understand why she is leaving and how she feels about her situation.

Another suggestion would be to make the transition between scene 38 and 39 smoother. The sudden change from Regan packing to Lee and Marcus walking feels abrupt and jarring. Perhaps there could be a establishing shot or a brief moment that links the two scenes together.

Additionally, more detail could be added to scene 41 to make it more engaging. The actions of Evelyn doing laundry are not particularly compelling, and adding some tension or conflict could make the scene more impactful. For example, Perhaps she could be interrupted by a noise or a sudden contraction, which would add more depth to her character and her situation.

Lastly, adding more description to the setting and surroundings can help to better visualize the scenes. For example, what does the valley pathway look like? How does the farmhouse basement feel and smell? By adding more sensory details, the audience can more fully immerse themselves in the story world.



Scene 11 - Father and Son
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
43 EXT. RIVER - LATE AFTERNOON 43

An immediate and jarring sound of water rushes in as we are:

TIGHT ON MOVING WATER over rocks.

[NOTE: THE SOUND WILL CONTINUE THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRETY OF
THIS SCENE]

WE TILT UP to the tall grass of a riverbed. Suddenly... LEE
and MARCUS exit from the trees.

ON MARCUS as he takes in the picturesque landscape. He has
never been here before. Suddenly, his eyes slowly move down
to the ground.

CLOSE ON HIS BARE FEET... at the very edge of the sand path.
There is nowhere else to go.
31.


MARCUS watches as LEE takes off his backpack and places it at
the edge of the river. Then, he kneels down and looks
intently into the water. Suddenly... LEE’s face softens. He
takes one more look back at his son... and then plunges his
hands into the river.

MARCUS looks on confused as his father seems to yank and pull
at something. Suddenly... LEE’s hands burst out of the water
holding a handmade wooden contraption. MARCUS starts to back
away... Pulling that contraption out of the water DEFINITELY
MADE A SOUND!!! MARCUS’ eyes shoot around into the trees, up
the river, looking... listening... when suddenly...

LEE PULLS OUT A LARGE TROUT FROM THE TRAP... THE FISH
THRASHES WILDLY AND THEN... IT BREAKS FREE FROM LEE’S HAND!
IT DROPS DOWN ONTO LEE’S BAG FLAPPING AND THRASHING...

AND MAKING NOISE!!!!

MARCUS goes white! WHAT HAS HIS FATHER DONE???? MARCUS
signs...

MARCUS (SIGNING)
They’re going to hear you...
They’re going to HEAR YOU!!

In one swift move, LEE pins the trout to the ground and grabs
his son, pulling him in close. LEE silently calms his son
down, coaxing him to take deep breaths. As MARCUS trembles...
LEE raises his hand... and signs...

LEE (SIGNING)
Not... if there is a constant sound
nearby that is louder.

MARCUS doesn’t understand. LEE shows him. First, he reaches
down to the ground and places his hand off the path moving
the dirt slightly. He repeats...

LEE (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
Small sounds... safe.

LEE’s hand moves back to the trout... Repeats

LEE (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
Big sounds... not. Unless...

LEE’s hands move to the moving water of the river... Repeats

LEE (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
There is a constant sound nearby
that is louder... To mask it.
32.


Suddenly the trout flaps again. MARCUS looks down... then up
to his dad... His brain processing.

LEE (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
You know what?...

LEE checks his watch... then looks up river... then back to
his son.

LEE (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
...I want to show you something.


44 EXT. FARMHOUSE - LATE AFTERNOON 44

Disoriented, WE MOVE THROUGH a wall of dancing color. Then
suddenly we see... EVELYN, as she holds up a piece of
clothing and pins it to a clothes line. The scene is
oddly... beautiful.

As the clothes on the line dance, we can suddenly see, behind
EVELYN... AN OLD FALLEN TREE THROUGH THE BACKSIDE OF THE
HOUSE.


45 INT. FARMHOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALL - LATE AFTERNOON 45

WE TRACK SLOWLY along through the bannister of the upstairs
hallway when suddenly... EVELYN’S head appears. WE CONTINUE
with her as she slowly walks up the stairs... almost as if
compelled. As she ascends, looking right past camera, we get
a clear look into the bedrooms behind her. In one room, we
catch glimpses of a POP MUSIC POSTER, a PINK DESK... and an
empty bed frame. In the next, we see a Nerf basketball hoop,
a life sized Pokemon doll... and half built LEGOs strewn
across the floor. ...Neither room has doors.

EVELYN finally crests the top of the stairs and walks out of
frame.


46 INT. WATERFALL - LATE AFTERNOON 46

A bizarre and beautiful image and sound! Light dances and
bends through a cascading rampart we finally identify as... A
WATERFALL.

WE PAN OVER to see LEE and MARCUS enter from outside and
slide along the rock wall.

MARCUS looks up to his father, incredulous. LEE looks down
at him. After a moment, with a mischievous smile on his face,
LEE...
33.


HOOTS LOUDLY!!!

THIS IS THE FIRST VOCALIZED SOUND WE WILL HAVE HEARD IN THE
MOVIE!!!!

MARCUS’ eyes shoot up to his father, immediately scared
again!

His father looks out at the waterfall... and HOOTS
AGAIN!!!... The way one would walking in a tunnel with their
child.

LEE turns to MARCUS and crouches down, gently holding his
trembling son’s shoulders.

LEE
... You’re alright.

THESE ARE THE FIRST WORDS WE HAVE HEARD IN THE MOVIE... AND
THE FIRST WORDS MARCUS HAS HEARD IN 4 YEARS!!!!

WE ARE ON MARCUS’ face... staring... shaking... somewhere
between terror and wonderment.

LEE (CONT’D)
... I promise.

His father smiles and nods comfortingly...

Finally MARCUS... meekly HOOTS!

His father’s head gently tilts, as if to say “you can do
better”.

MARCUS looks back out the rushing water, then back to his
father... and HOOTS LOUDLY!!!

LEE (CONT’D)
Now... that’s more like it.

The smile on MARCUS and LEE’s face can only be described
as... once in a lifetime.
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi","Horror"]

Summary Lee and Marcus spend the day at the river and waterfall, where Lee teaches his son survival skills by using sound as a defense strategy.
Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the importance of sound in the post-apocalyptic world and highlights Lee's skills as a survivalist and a teacher. The father-son bond is strong and heartwarming as they share these rare moments of joy and learning."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks major plot developments and the dialogue is minimal."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The use of sound throughout the scene is a great device that adds to the tension and atmosphere. The visual descriptions are also well-crafted, particularly in the waterfall scene where the use of light and sound creates a beautiful and almost surreal image.

One suggestion for improvement would be to add more dialogue or action that reveals character development or plot progression. While the scene is visually stunning and emotionally engaging, it could benefit from a bit more substance in terms of narrative.

Overall, it shows promise as a well-crafted and effective scene.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

- Instead of starting with a sound of rushing water, start with a wide shot of the river and the surrounding landscape to establish the location and mood. Then, slowly zoom in to the water and the sound can come in gradually.

- Add more description of the setting, such as the colors of the tall grass, the texture of the sand path, and the sounds of birds or insects in the background.

- Expand on Marcus's reaction to his father's actions with the trout. Show more of his fear and confusion, and perhaps even have him question why they need to catch and eat fish.

- Instead of just showing Evelyn hanging clothes on a line, add more context to the scene. Maybe she's hanging clothes that belonged to her kids, or she's lost in thought about her past life.

- Add more detail to the bedrooms behind Evelyn as she walks up the stairs. What else can we see besides the pop poster and the Pokemon doll? Is there anything that indicates who used to live there?

- Make the reveal of the waterfall more dramatic by building up to it with a sense of anticipation. Maybe Lee and Marcus have been walking for a while, and Marcus is getting tired and bored. Then, suddenly, they hear the sound of rushing water and Lee says "we're almost there."

- Make Lee's hoots more playful and fun instead of scary. Maybe he's trying to imitate the sound of the waterfall or a bird, and he's encouraging Marcus to join in.

- Instead of ending with a smile, add a moment of reflection or emotion. Maybe Lee looks out at the waterfall and thinks about how he used to bring his other son here, or Marcus has a sudden flash of memory about his past life.



Scene 12 - Deadly Secrets
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
47 EXT. ROAD - LATE AFTERNOON 47

WE MOVE SLOWLY ALONG A ROAD, PANNING DOWN from gargantuan
trees... until we finally reveal... REGAN walking towards
camera.

Suddenly coming into frame all around her is... THE BRIDGE.
34.


WE FOLLOW REGAN as she walks across the bridge, now more
overgrown with weeds and roots. Then suddenly... REGAN comes
to a stop... and kneels down in sand as:

WE CONTINUE TO MOVE BACK SLOWLY. Suddenly coming into frame
is the top of....

A HAND MADE CROSS!!!

REGAN reaches into her pillow case and pulls out... THE TOY
SHUTTLE.

WE FOLLOW REGAN’S HANDS as she deftly removes one of the
colored plastic pieces underneath. It quietly slides off to
reveal... a battery panel and several multicolored wires. She
reaches into the front pocket of her dress and pulls out
pliers and quickly cuts the green wire.

REGAN reaches into the pocket of her dress again and pulls
out... batteries! She slides the batteries in confidently.

We follow REGAN’s hands as they move to the base of the cross
and place... the TOY SHUTTLE in the sand. We now see that
the shuttle sits amongst a pile of other weathered toys...
and flowers.

REGAN PAUSES.................and then flips the tiny switch.

...RED AND BLUE LIGHTS CASCADE OVER HER FACE...

...But no sound.


48 INT. FARMHOUSE - BEDROOM - LATE AFTERNOON 48

WE ARE TIGHT on EVELYN’s back as she walks through another
door-less threshold. As she continues into the room, we begin
to see the walls... covered in rocket ships.

OVER EVELYN as her eyes stop... on a cartoon mobile of the
planets. She taps it... exactly as she tapped the mobile in
the baby’s room... This time watching it orbit around...
without a smile.

WIDE ON THE ROOM for the first time we see... THE ROOM IS
METICULOUS. The bed is made... the toys perfectly placed on
the shelves.

CLOSE ON THE BED... AS EVELYN SITS DOWN SLOWLY. Light floods
through the original paned window... casting the shadow of a
cross on the floor in front of her.

EVELYN looks over to the small night stand by the bed where a
lamp and a hand made mirror sit.
35.


Suddenly, she lifts up the mirror... and dusts the table with
the washcloth from the line.

EVELYN stares out the window oddly... at peace. As LEE has
his ritual atop the silo to contemplate on the irreversible
loss of his son... EVELYN has this. EVELYN... keeps her
son’s spirit alive.


49 INT. WATERFALL - LATE AFTERNOON 49

CLOSE ON a water bladder poking into the rushing wall of
water. Filling immediately, we:

PULL BACK and FOLLOW LEE... as he sits down on a rock next to
his son and hands him the bladder. MARCUS drinks as LEE
looks on... a brightness washing over him. This is a moment
of... calm. A moment... of family. A moment... of real
life.

WE FOLLOW the bladder as MARCUS hands it up to his father,
who happily takes a large swig. Suddenly we HEAR:

MARCUS (O.S.)
Why didn’t you let her come with
us?

LEE looks down at his son.

LEE (O.S.)
Because... I need to keep her safe.

MARCUS (O.S.)
... Is it because you blame her for
what happened?

LEE freezes instantly... his heart stops.

Finally he looks down at his son... in shock? In awe?

MARCUS (CONT’D)
Because she blames herself...

LEE’s eyes blink and flutter as he tries to gain control of
his thoughts...

LEE
No, I don’t bl--... It was no one’s
fault.

MARCUS
... You still love her, right?
36.


LEE
Of-- Of course I do.

Pause.

MARCUS
... You should tell her.


50 INT. FARMHOUSE - BEDROOM - LATE AFTERNOON 50

CLOSE ON EVELYN IN THE HAND MADE MIRROR, as she stares at the
frame... made up of colorful zoo animals staring back at her.
At the top of the mirror, the name... “BEAU”

FROM THE DOORWAY, WE ARE WIDE ON THE ROOM as EVELYN stands up
and slowly makes her way to the door carrying the small
mirror.

Just as she reaches the doorway... she stops. Her body
tightens. Her face... changes. Her hand shakes as it
reaches out to the side of the doorway. WE HOLD ON HER a
moment and then go:

CLOSE ON her feet rocking slightly in the doorway.
Suddenly......

FLUID HITS THE FLOORBOARDS!!!!
Genres: ["Horror","Drama","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Regan visits a makeshift memorial at a bridge, Evelyn keeps her son's spirit alive in their farmhouse, and Lee and Marcus spend a moment of calm at a waterfall.
Strengths "The scene provides insight into the characters' personalities and relationships through subtle actions and dialogue. The tension is effectively built up through the ominous setting and foreshadowing of danger."
Weaknesses "The scene feels like a build-up to a climax rather than a self-contained unit of storytelling. Some of the ideas and plot points presented in the scene could benefit from further development and exploration."
Critique Overall, the scene has good visual description and is easy to follow. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved.

Firstly, there is a lack of context or introduction for the characters and the setting. It would be helpful to have a brief introduction or establishing shot to orientate the audience before diving into the action.

Secondly, the scene relies heavily on visual description and could benefit from some dialogue or inner monologue to provide deeper insight into the characters' thoughts and emotions.

Lastly, the pacing of the scene could be improved. It jumps around between three different locations without clear transitions or a cohesive narrative thread, making it feel disjointed.

Overall, with some minor tweaks and adjustments, this scene could be a strong addition to a larger screenplay.
Suggestions In general, the scene could benefit from more active verbs to enhance the dynamic action. Instead of "WE FOLLOW" and "WE ARE TIGHT," consider rephrasing to something more specific and engaging.

Additionally, the emotional beats of the scene could be emphasized more by giving the characters more depth. What do they feel about the events unfolding? What are their goals and motivations? Consider exploring these aspects to make the scene more complex and compelling.

Furthermore, the dialogue could be better integrated with the action. Instead of separating the dialogue blocks with descriptions of what's happening, try to integrate them organically into the action.

Lastly, consider how the visuals can be used to better convey the themes and tone of the scene. How can the setting and lighting support the emotional beats of the scene? How can the camera angles and movements enhance the tension and release of the scene? By taking into account these elements, the scene can become more immersive and impactful for the audience.



Scene 13 - Encounter with the Man in the Swamp
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
51 EXT. WOODS - LATE AFTERNOON 51

LEE and MARCUS appear through an oddly beautiful exit from
the woods and begin walking along a path.

PROFILE on LEE as we see the tall thin trees of a swamp
behind him.

PROFILE ON MARCUS from the opposite side as swamp trees are
also behind him. Suddenly... A DILAPIDATED house comes into
frame. MARCUS turns to look.

MARCUS’ POV of the eery house...that stands as a reminder
that people once lived here happily.

CLOSE ON MARCUS looking up on the house. His face... now
fearful. Suddenly, behind MARCUS, just out of focus in the
short distance...

A DARK SHADOW!!!

No sooner has the FIGURE exited frame, MARCUS... CRASHES INTO
HIS FATHER... WHO IS STANDING COMPLETELY STILL.
37.


MARCUS looks up at his father... who stares off sharply into
the short distance...

OVER MARCUS as he slowly leans around his father to see what
he’s looking at, when suddenly we see...

A TERRIFYING MAN AT THE EDGE OF THE SWAMP!!!

A human form unlike anything most of us ever will... or
should get to see, the man’s emaciated body quakes and then
shudders as if a synapses misfire. His face is sunken...
almost ghoulish and the look in his pitch black eyes
communicates something far beyond fearful. Much worse, this
is the rare look of a brain that has accepted a living
nightmare... as an everyday reality.

ON MARCUS as he slowly raises his hand... into a wave.

ON THE MAN... who doesn’t move.

ON LEE as his eyes travel slowly down the man’s frame.

ON LEE’S PERSPECTIVE as we see the man’s dirt covered face,
then a ratty and ripped flannel shirt, and then... blood
covered hands... blood covered jeans... and finally at his
feet, in the high grass...

LONG HAIR AND A HAND OF.... A DEAD WOMAN

ON LEE as his eyes slowly come back up to meet the man’s.
LEE now also raises his hand... and places a tense finger on
his lips.

ON THE MAN... as two large tears run down his face. In his
eyes... the knowing fear of the end of his life as... he
takes a deep breath in.

LEE immediately grabs MARCUS.

TIGHT ON LEE sprinting down the path carrying his son. OVER
HIS SHOULDER, the man in the background:

LETS OUT A PRIMAL SCREAM!!!!!!

... A bottomless sound of pain and surrender, the sound
blasts onto us like a wave.

LEE suddenly dives behind a hallowed out tree trunk and
throws MARCUS’ back up against it.

ON MARCUS as his father clasps his hand over his mouth.
MARCUS’ eyes widen as overwhelming panic takes over.
38.


ON LEE as he looks down at his son... with the most beautiful
sense of calm. The way one holds the hand of someone in their
last seconds on earth, LEE’s smile is pure comfort... pure
love.

Suddenly we hear... THE FAMILIAR TERRIFYING SCREEEEEEEECH!

ON MARCUS... who begins violently shaking his head... his
soul seemingly coming out through his skin. Then suddenly we
hear... THE SNAPPING OF TREES!

ON LEE as his look now shoots to the tree line behind the man
when suddenly...

WE HEAR the man’s primal scream of pain turn into... an
animal sound of death.

BACK ON MARCUS as he covers his ears. Through the muffle of
MARCUS’ covered ears we can still hear... The most horrific
sounds of ultimate pain... crunching... and then...

A deafening POP!!!!
...SILENCE...

MARCUS’ eyes almost seem to dim right before us...

As he goes limp.


52 INT. FARMHOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALL - LATE AFTERNOON 52

FROM THE FLOOR we follow drops of fluid down the hall,
leading to... EVELYN gripping onto the railing with both
hands as she slowly traverses the stairs going down, focusing
intently on each step.

ON EVELYN’s face as she takes slow, deep breaths. Her eyes
surging with panic... and pain.

IT’S 4 WEEKS TOO SOON!

Suddenly... EVELYN’s eyes go wide.

CONTRACTION!!!

CLOSE ON EVELYN’S BELLY as she slowly sinks down into the
steps and INTO A CLOSE UP.

In EVELYN’s face we will witness, many of us for the first
time, the complex and overwhelming sensory overload that is a
contraction... all swallowed back with every fiber of her
being in order to remain.... Silent.
39.


Just at the moment it looks as though EVELYN may explode...
the contraction subsides.

WE ARE ON EVELYN’s BACK as she struggles up onto her feet and
down the remaining stairs. As she rounds the banister and out
of frame... WE HOLD ON THE FRONT HALL.

Out the front door and onto the sand path warmly lit white
from the Christmas lights above.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Lee and Marcus encounter a terrifying, emaciated man in the swamp, who is revealed to have killed a woman. The man lets out a primal scream and dies, leading to Marcus' death as well. Meanwhile, Evelyn experiences painful premature contractions.
Strengths "Intense suspenseful encounter with the man in the swamp, emotionally impactful scene with Evelyn's painful contractions."
Weaknesses "Sparse dialogue, potentially triggering content."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written with strong visual descriptions and use of camera angles for cinematic effect. The tension and fear build up effectively, and the contrast between the serene woods and dilapidated house adds to the eerie tone.

However, some parts could benefit from more clarity and development. For example, the appearance of the "terrifying man" feels sudden and without enough context or explanation. Further development of this character and their significance to the plot could enhance the impact of the scene.

Additionally, the scene transitions abruptly from the terrifying encounter to the next moment with Evelyn. While the contrast between the two scenes may be intentional, it could benefit from a smoother transition or a clearer connection between the two.

Overall, while the scene has some areas for improvement, it effectively creates tension and draws the audience in with its vivid descriptions and cinematic elements.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving the scene:

1. Consider breaking up the scene into smaller, more manageable parts. It's currently quite long and contains multiple events and perspectives.
2. Define the tone of the scene more clearly. Is it meant to be tense, scary, or emotional? Adjust the language and pacing accordingly.
3. Give more time to establishing the setting. Instead of just mentioning "an oddly beautiful exit from the woods," describe the surroundings in more detail to create a more vivid image in the reader's mind.
4. Use specific language to describe the appearance and actions of the characters. Instead of just saying "MARCUS turns to look," describe how he turns and the expression on his face.
5. Be mindful of the use of exclamation points and capital letters for emphasis. It can be easy to overuse them, which can make the scene feel melodramatic or overwrought.
6. Show, don't tell. Instead of saying "LEE's smile is pure comfort... pure love," describe how his actions convey those emotions.



Scene 14 - A Desperate Switch
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
53 INT. FARMHOUSE - BASEMENT - LATE AFTERNOON 53

WE ARE LOW looking up the basement stairs as suddenly...
EVELYN appears in the narrow doorway and grabs hold of the
wall, still carrying the children’s mirror. She takes a
moment and then begins to descend the exposed stairs with the
same deliberate effort.

COMING TOWARDS CAMERA, EVELYN gets bigger and bigger in the
frame until her head disappears, then her belly.

Just as her foot comes down into close up we:

RACK FOCUS to... THE NAIL STANDING STRAIGHT UP!!!!

EVELYN’s foot steps STRAIGHT DOWN ON IT!!!!!

WE WATCH THE NAIL PIERCE INTO THE BOTTOM OF HER FOOT... and
then ERUPT THROUGH THE OTHER SIDE!!!!!!!!

THE SOUND CUTS OUT as we go:

CLOSE ON EVELYN as the shock and searing pain collides in her
brain behind her eyes. Then...

CLOSE ON THE MIRROR as it SILENTLY CRASHES DOWN THE STAIRS...
then rattles around in a circle before coming to a
standstill.

SOUND COMES RUSHING BACK IN

ON EVELYN as full blown fear washes over her. That sound was
most definitely HEARD. She looks down...

CLOSE ON EVELYN’s FOOT... as she SLIDES THE FOOT SLOWLY UP
THE NAIL... and POPS IT FREE. Blood immediately begins to
drip from the wound.

EVELYN rushes down the remaining stairs, wincing with every
other step.
40.


WE FOLLOW ON EVELYN’s BACK as she hurriedly shuffles through
this basement that once felt familiar in the romantic glow of
their slow dance... but now feels stark... and desperately
lonely.

Finally, EVELYN arrives... at LEE’s security console. She
desperately pushes past stacks of notebooks and files, boxes
of various electrical equipment like cellphones, cassette
players and EGG TIMERS that have been pillaged for parts.
EVELYN finally moves... THE BOX OF HEARING AIDS... to reveal
that there on the wall... is a large, hand made switch.

EVELYN grabs the knob at the top and thrusts it down.


54 EXT. FARM - LATE AFTERNOON 54

Suddenly, flickering to life against the dusk colored sky...

LINES OF RED CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!!!

Like the white lights before, the power grid like system
illuminates the farm in bright... RED!!!


55 EXT. ROAD - LATE AFTERNOON 55

REGAN lies in the sand next to the cross. Behind her we
see... RED LIGHTS THROUGH THE TREES!

... REGAN doesn’t see them.


56 INT. FARMHOUSE - BASEMENT - LATE AFTERNOON 56

ON EVELYN, leaning on LEE’s console. Her eyes closed, she
takes slow, deep breathes, as if to convince herself that it
will all be OK now... The signal has been sent.

For a brief moment... a smile... as she then opens her eyes
and moves back to the stairs.

As she clutches the support beam and goes to take her first
step up...

A LARGE SHADOW FLASHES PAST THE DOORWAY!!!!!

EVELYN spins back away from the stairs in terror.


57 EXT. WOODS - VALLEY PATHWAY - DUSK 57

As sky begins to settle into dusk above the towering trees...
LEE enters carrying a limp MARCUS.
41.


He trudges up the sand path, looking down at MARCUS.

MARCUS’ eyes are open... but he is not present.

ON LEE’S BACK NOW, as he and his son crest the hill.

WE BOOM UP to see the dark horizon line of sky... give way to
the top of the silo... and then the fire red ground
illuminated by Christmas lights.

ON LEE as we see his face register exactly what this means.

He breaks into a full sprint.


58 INT. FARMHOUSE - BASEMENT - DUSK 58

CLOSE ON one of the basement windows as red light pours
through.

WE PULL BACK SLOWLY as:

EVELYN’s HANDS enter frame. She desperately pushes on the
window... nothing.

EVELYN roams around the basement like a caged animal
searching for any way out...

She moves back to LEE’s security console, scanning the
desk... think... THINK!

Suddenly her eyes fall upon... the box of small electronics
she just moved to get to the switch.

Suddenly we hear:

A SCRATCHING OF CLAWS ON A WALL AND A CRASH OF GLASS FROM
ABOVE HER!!!!

EVELYN freezes with fear. Then....

THE HORRIFIC SCREEEEEEEEECH CAN BE HEARD!

EVELYN closes her eyes as the same sound that preempted her
son’s death washes over her.

Then... her eyes shoot open in pain...

CONTRACTION!!!

Larger than the second one, this one brings EVELYN to her
knees, her head dips to the ground as she grimaces in intense
pain.
42.


CLOSE ON EVELYN as her head suddenly shoots back up... The
red light pouring in from the basement windows cuts a line
across her face revealing her exploding eyes trying to
swallow the pain. Tears begin to fall... she is unable to
breath.

Then suddenly... air slowly escapes as she exhales... the
contraction has passed. After a moment of realization?...
Disbelief? She stands up and out of frame.

WE HOLD and then slowly pan down to... a small pool of blood
on the floor.


59 INT. FARMHOUSE - DUSK 59

NOW LOOKING DOWN THE STAIRS from the doorway in the first
floor hallway... we see...

EVELYN rush through frame past the stairs.

... WE CAN BARELY MAKE OUT A NONDESCRIPT SOUND.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Evelyn tries to turn on the red lights to protect her family from monsters while struggling with her painful contractions in the basement. Meanwhile, Lee carries his son's lifeless body and races back to the farmhouse after encountering danger in the woods. Regan and Marcus are both unaware of the lurking creatures.
Strengths "The scene is tense and terrifying as danger looms from all directions. The visuals and sound design are both effective in creating a sense of fear and suspense. The scene also provides a clear understanding of each character's struggles and motivations."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is minimal and the pacing can be slow at times."
Critique The scene is well-written and effectively captures tension and suspense. The visual descriptions are vivid and powerful, immersing the reader in the moment. However, some parts are a bit difficult to follow, such as the sudden switch between focusing on Evelyn's foot on the nail and the mirror crashing down the stairs. Some additional editing and polishing could make the scene even stronger.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys tension and fear. However, there are a few suggestions that could improve it:

1. Consider trimming some of the description - there are several moments where the camera angles and movements are described in detail that may not be necessary for the audience to visualize the scene. This could help make the scene more concise and impactful.
2. Be mindful of pacing - there are several moments where the action slows down, such as when Evelyn is taking slow deep breaths. While this may be important for characterization, it could also slow down the scene too much and cause the tension to dissipate.
3. Think about the sound design - this scene relies heavily on sound effects to convey horror, such as the sound of the nail piercing Evelyn's foot and the screeching. It may be worth considering how those sounds will be created and executed in the final film.
4. Add more emotional beats - the scene is effective at conveying fear and terror, but it could benefit from more moments of emotional resonance. For example, Evelyn's contraction could be a moment of intense pathos if the audience is more invested in her character and her struggle to protect her unborn child.



Scene 15 - Evelyn's Plan
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
60 INT. FARMHOUSE - BASEMENT - DUSK 60

ON EVELYN as she quickly slides in behind a large boiler. We
can see the basement stairs in the background.

EVELYN squeezes her eyes shut... and begins murmuring to
herself... THE NONDESCRIPT SOUND IS SLIGHTLY LOUDER... A
TICKING...

And then....

EVELYN’s eyes shoot open... What now? Suddenly....

CONTRACTION!!!!

We are on EVELYN’S face as she endures this immeasurable pain
in this unthinkable moment...

Then we hear...

TICK.... SCRAAAAAPE... TICK.... SCRAAAAAPE

Whatever IT is... it’s coming DOWN THE STAIRS.

TICK.... SCRAAAAAPE... TICK.... SCRAAAAAPE

EVELYN crushes herself even tighter against the wall behind
the boiler... closing her eyes and exhaling in pure, painful,
silence as the contraction subsides...
43.


Suddenly we hear...

SILENCE...

EVELYN turns and peers through the water tanks.

IN EVELYN’S POV as she scans the room through the sliver of a
view then suddenly...

We can barely make out more than a SLIVER of a creature’s
shoulder or back from in between the tanks. WE CAN SEE THAT
IT IS COVERED IN SMALL ARMOR LIKE PLATES! Suddenly...

The small plates on the creature’s shoulder... BEGIN TO LIFT
UP??!! Like the pieces on a colander, or... an old satellite
dish... the small plates open up with the crackle and pull of
anatomical goo underneath. Then all of the sudden... the
plates BEGIN TO ROTATE! Like directional microphones, the
plates... begin searching the room... FOR SOUND!

From behind the tanks, EVELYN watches as the creature’s
plates turn toward the wall of monitors. Suddenly, each of
the screens... begins to flicker!!! Then... the picture goes
completely dark!

EVELYN then suddenly rolls her back against the tanks to look
from one side of the room... to the other.

Suddenly... We now can identify the NONDESCRIPT SOUND FROM
EARLIER as... TICKING.....

Then, sitting on a shelf on the wall opposite the console, we
see...

AN EGG TIMER!!!

WE CONTINUE TO PUSH IN, THE TICKING SOUND NOW MUCH LOUDER,
when finally, just as we land CLOSE UP on the egg timer...

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!!!!!!!!!!

THE CREATURE SCREEEEEEEEEEEECHES!!!!

AND ATTACKS THE SOUND!!!!!!!

EVELYN opens her eyes...

That’s it! Her plan worked! EVELYN thrusts herself away
from the tanks!!

WE TRACK WITH HER as she moves as quickly as she can to the
exposed stairs and begins to climb.
44.


61 INT. FRONT HALL - DUSK 61

FROM THE KITCHEN WE LOOK THROUGH THE HALLWAY ONTO THE FRONT
DOOR. Suddenly... EVELYN bursts out of the doorway from the
basement.

WE FOLLOW ON HER BACK as she maneuvers her feet desperately
from PAINTED SPOT to PAINTED SPOT down the hall to the front
door and to freedom!

She grabs the stair post for support as she crosses through
the front hall, only steps from the door when, OVER HER
SHOULDER we barely see:

A DARK SHADOW WALKING UP THE SAND PATH!!!

EVELYN immediately spins around into CLOSE UP as we now LEAD
HER as she rushes up the main stairs.

At the top of the stairs, WE TILT DOWN as she reaches to the
floor and picks up the thick blankets covering the landing.
Behind her... THE FRONT HALL LIGHTS BEGIN TO BRIGHTEN!


62 EXT. BARN - DUSK 62

WE HOLD ON the side of the barn... as LEE enters with MARCUS
and places him on the ground.

WE FOLLOW LEE as he slowly cranes his neck to look around the
barn. There, beautifully lit in RED is the sand path leading
to the farmhouse. LEE’s eyes travel down the path and up the
stairs and...

ONTO A LARGE DARK SHADOW... NOW IN THE FRONT HALL!!!

LEE snaps his back against the wall, his eyes darting with
fear as he thinks... thinks. Finally he turns to his son who
stands looking at him blankly.

LEE immediately digs into his back pack and pulls out... A
FLASH LIGHT!

LEE places the flashlight in MARCUS’s hands. MARCUS looks up
to him with familiar panic in his eyes.

LEE then slides closer to his son... and gently places his
hands on MARCUS’ shoulders.

Suddenly, LEE places his left hand straight up against his
chest, crosses the fingers of his right hand, brings the two
together and... shoots his right hand into the sky.
45.


This... is the same exact sign his four year old son made in
the general store at the beginning of the movie. This...
means ROCKET.

MARCUS shakes his head no.

LEE gently places his hands on MARCUS’ face and looks
directly in his eyes. No doubt informed by the heart opening
day they’ve had... It is a beautiful moment of strength as
LEE communicates so much to his son. First and foremost,
there is understanding... and even an apology for the
situation they are in. But then the look turns to imploring.

LEE (SIGNING)
Your mother needs help. I need you
to do this... for her.

MARCUS looks to his dad... his eyes change.

LEE (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
... please...

And with that... MARCUS is gone.

ON LEE as he watches his son run down the side of the barn...
and disappear around the corner. He takes a deep breath...
God protect his son. God protect all of them.

LEE turns and runs around the barn.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Evelyn is in the basement, experiencing painful contractions while trying to protect her family from monsters using red lights. She discovers a creature covered in armor plates that searches for sound, and uses a ticking egg timer to distract it and escape. Meanwhile, Lee places his lifeless son Marcus on the ground in the barn and sees a dark shadow in the front hall of the farmhouse. He gives Marcus a flashlight and signals him to run for help, while he watches him disappear around the corner with a heavy heart.
Strengths "Intense, emotional, action-packed, with well-defined characters"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue is hard to understand"
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively builds suspense and tension. The use of visual cues and descriptive language helps the reader to vividly imagine the events unfolding on screen. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

One issue is that the scene relies heavily on sound effects to drive the action forward. While this can be effective in heightening the tension, it can also feel a bit contrived if overused. It would be helpful to have more specific descriptions of the creature's movements or appearance to balance out the reliance on sound effects.

Another issue is that the scene could benefit from more character development. This is a pivotal moment for Evelyn and her unborn child, yet we don't learn much about what they're feeling or thinking. Including more interiority and emotional depth would give the scene more weight and make the stakes feel higher.

Overall, the scene is a solid example of suspenseful screenwriting, but could benefit from a bit more depth and nuance.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well executed, but there are a few suggestions to make it even stronger:

1) Clarify the ticking sound earlier in the scene - it should be introduced before the contractions start to give the audience a hint of what's to come.

2) Consider adding a visual cue for the creature's arrival - perhaps a shadow or movement before the plates on its shoulders start to move.

3) Add more tension to the moment when the screens go dark - maybe have Evelyn frantically try to turn them back on or have the creature get closer to her hiding spot.

4) Make the moment where Evelyn grabs the blankets more urgent - this is a crucial moment and it would be even more impactful if the audience feels like time is running out.

5) Consider adding more emotional weight to Lee's conversation with Marcus - this is a pivotal moment for their relationship and it could benefit from some more depth and nuance.



Scene 16 - The Birth
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 10
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 6
63 INT. FARMHOUSE - UPSTAIRS BATHROOM - DUSK 63

FROM ABOVE we see EVELYN enter the room carrying the thick
blankets from the stairs and turns on the bathroom light...
spots of blood smear on the floor.

ON EVELYN as she slowly gets into the bathtub. Tears fall
down her face as she reaches over the wall of the tub... and
starts stacking the blankets from her knees to her chest.

As she folds the last blanket over herself...

CONTRACTION!!!

This time her eyes go wide with the electric shock like pain.
This... is the big one. THIS... IS HAPPENING!

Suddenly we hear...TICK.... SCRAAAAAPE... TICK.... SCRAAAAAPE

Whatever IT is... it’s trying to climb the stairs.

TIGHT ON EVELYN’s hand as it jerks and grips til it turns
white from force.
46.


FROM ABOVE, we see EVELYN in extreme pain... but somehow
keeping it all in.

Suddenly... a small stream of blood begins to trickle by her
exposed feet.


64 INT. BARN - LEE’S BEDROOM/STALL - DUSK 64

LEE rushes into his room and reaches under his mattress and
pulls out...

A SHOT GUN!... Not the first choice, when trying not to make
noise... but he has no other choice.


65 EXT. FARM - CORNFIELD - DUSK 65

MARCUS walks down a thin sand path, suddenly stops... and
looks up to a HUGE OVERARCHING FIGURE ABOVE HIM!

It is a watering device found in cornfields that tower high
above the corn and roll slowly through the fields on giant
wheels.


66 INT. FARMHOUSE - UPSTAIRS BATHROOM - DUSK 66

ON THE BATHTUB. All that can be seen are EVELYN’s eyes as
she peers over the bathtub wall. Through the door... and to
the steps. Suddenly we hear again...

TICK.... SCRAAAAAPE... TICK.... SCRAAAAAPE

Just then... The light bulb above EVELYN begins to DIM!!!

QUICKLY BACK ON EVELYN as she begins to cry, preparing for
the end. And then...

CONTRACTION!!!!

FROM ABOVE as EVELYN’s face shoots to the sky... with no
affect. Her eyes wide, the rest of her face is calm.

Then we see... Blood and fluid now pool around her feet as
the light above her... goes out.

From only the light from the window we see EVELYN’s face...
finally crack in pain. Her mouth opens... releasing the most
guttural... and now two person...

SCREEEEEEEAM!
47.


BUT, right at that moment, the screams of mother and baby are
drowned out by a thundering.....

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!

67 EXT. FARMHOUSE - SAND PATH - NIGHT 67

WE TRACK WITH LEE as he sprints down the sand path holding
the shot gun like a civil war soldier rushing into battle
as...

ENORMOUS BLOOMS OF FIREWORKS BURST BEHIND HIM!!!!

Red, green, white... large plumes, small sparkles falling
down.

In the midst of this unthinkable nightmare... it’s gorgeous.


68 EXT. ROAD - NIGHT 68

Huge bursts of fireworks light up through the tops of the
towering trees...

REGAN, sits up abruptly into the fireworks’ silhouette.

CLOSE ON REGAN as the colors illuminate on her face.


69 INT. FARMHOUSE - FRONT HALL - NIGHT 69

FROM THE DINING ROOM, we look into the front hall in the
background.

Suddenly, from the doorway... the muzzle of a gun pokes
through. Then moments later... LEE walks in stealthily.
Moving the gun exactly where his eyes point... he clears the
room.

ON LEE’S BACK as we look down the gun barrel. He looks to
the dining room. He looks to the living room. He looks to
the... STAIRS!!!

LEE’S POV as he walks up the stairs. On each stair... drops
of blood. To the left, along the wall, the wallpaper has been
intermittently RIPPED... IN THREE EQUIDISTANT MEANDERING
LINES.
48.


70 INT. FARMHOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT 70

THROUGH A DOORWAY onto the now exposed wood floor landing
with the bannister outlining the upstairs hall.

Suddenly, the top of LEE’s head enters frame... just as the
creature’s had only moments before... Then his gun, facing
into the bedrooms to the side. LEE moves the gun confidently
in all directions, making sure the upstairs is clear.

As LEE’s gaze comes around to face directly at us... his gun
lowers... and:

WE SLOWLY PULL BACK INTO THE ROOM TO REVEAL... the
bloodstained edge... of the BATH TUB.

ON LEE’s BACK as he rushes to the tub to find... just blood
in an empty bath tub.

LEE turns into his own CLOSE UP PROFILE as his back slides
down the bathtub and onto the floor. His hand releases the
gun to the floor. His eyes close and he begins to... softly
weep.

A mirror behind LEE reflects the room back to him, revealing
for the first time... a beveled glass shower door at the
opposite end of the room. Suddenly...

A BLOODY HAND HITS THE GLASS!!!!... And the shower door
slowly opens!!!

OVER LEE as he scrambles to the shower and opens the door!
Stuffed inside... is a quivering pile of blankets.

LEE drops to his knees and pulls back the blankets to see...
his wife. Pale, with eyes closed... she’s breathing. And in
her arms... a sleeping newborn baby.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Evelyn goes into labor and faces impending danger from creatures while Lee searches for safety and discovers a terrible truth.
Strengths "Intense emotional impact, high conflict level, good development of character actions, establishes the stakes."
Weaknesses "Dialogue is not particularly memorable or nuanced."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written, with clear visual descriptions and effective use of pacing and tension. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved:

- The use of caps lock for emphasis can be distracting and should be used sparingly.
- It's not entirely clear what is climbing the stairs or why there are loud ticking and scraping noises. More information or context could help clarify this.
- The sudden introduction of fireworks feels out of place and a bit too convenient. It may be more effective to build tension through other means.
- The final reveal of the wife and baby feels a bit too neat and abrupt. Some additional emotional beats could help make this moment more impactful. For example, showing Lee's reaction to the news that his wife and baby are okay could create a more satisfying payoff for the audience.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Make the ticking and scraping noises more ominous and distinctive, so that they create a stronger sense of danger.

2. Include more sensory details to make the scene come alive - describe the smell of blood, the texture of the blankets, and the feeling of pain.

3. Build more suspense and tension leading up to the birth, so that the audience is really invested in the outcome. Maybe show some flashbacks or memories of the couple together before the disaster, to make the stakes feel higher.

4. Add more dialogue or internal monologue for the characters, so that we get a better sense of who they are and what they're feeling.

5. Consider showing more of the aftermath of the birth, to give the audience closure and a sense of resolution. Maybe show Lee and Evelyn bonding with the baby, or making plans for the future in this new world.



Scene 17 - The Hunted
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
71 EXT. CORNFIELD - NIGHT 71

WE HOLD ON THE TOPS OF THE DENSE CORN, the creature like
silhouette of the giant watering device looming... as the
last of a series of bottle rockets fire into the darkening
night sky.

WE MOVE ABOVE THE CORN and then descend through it onto a
thin sand path and onto... MARCUS. WE FOLLOW WITH HIM as he
safely walks back toward the BARN, holding his flashlight, as
the final bursts of fireworks illuminate behind him. On
MARCUS’ face... is genuine pride. He knows he has done
something heroic. Suddenly...

WE HEAR THE SNAP OF CORNSTALKS!!!
49.


MARCUS, frantically whips his light around the path behind
him.

WE FOLLOW HIS LIGHT as it scans the path and the stalks...
Even with nothing there... it’s terrifying.

Just then... His flashlight begins to DIM....

SNAP!!!

MARCUS whips his light around to the thin sand path in FRONT
of him... nothing...

SNAP!!! CRUNCH!!! SNAP!!! CRUNCH!!! Something ELSE is
moving toward him... fast!

MARCUS turns around, away from the BARN... AND RUNS!!!! WE
ARE ON MARCUS’ FACE AS HE RUNS... Scanning, scanning...
SNAP!!!... SCANNING!!!... CRUNCH!!! SCANNING!!

HIS FLASHLIGHT... STARTS TO FLICKER OUT...

THE CORN TO HIS RIGHT... BEGINS TO SNAP... ITS COMING CLOSER!

MARCUS turns and begins to run... INTO THE CORN!!!!

WE ARE NOW IN A TERRIFYING PERSPECTIVE... HANDHELD, AS CORN
CROSSES RIGHT PAST LENS. THE FLASHLIGHT not able to cast
light on anything that’s not right in our face, creating
almost a STROBE EFFECT!!! MARCUS is making... A TON OF
SOUND!!!!

ON MARCUS’ FACE... pure panic. When suddenly... WE ARRIVE
into a small clearing to see... A TRACTOR, completely
overgrown with corn. MARCUS immediately climbs onto the
tractor and frantically whips his light around the
clearing... and into the dense corn...

THE LIGHT... STARTS TO DIM.... SNAP!!! CRUNCH!!! SNAP!!!
CRUNCH!!! Something is moving toward him FAST! THE LIGHT
BEGINS TO FLICKER.... and then goes out.

Suddenly, off in the corn in front of him (AND FOR THE FIRST
TIME) we hear... A LOUD SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!! The light
suddenly BLARES BRIGHT as...

A DEER HEAD POPS OUT OF THE CORN!!!!!!!!

ALL IN AN INSTANT, MARCUS flies back in fear! Slipping from
the top of the tractor... and SLAMMING HIS HEAD INTO THE
WHEEL WELL.

BLACK
50.


72 EXT. FARM - DRIVEWAY - NIGHT 72

Fade in: The night is now dark.

WE ARE BEHIND REGAN walking. AS WE ARE WITH HER... WE ARE IN
TOTAL SILENCE.

She looks around at the remnants of the last horrifying
moments... More reminiscent of a soldier returning to a
battlefield, then a girl returning to a farm, we see
countless streamers of firework smoke still falling
gracefully from the sky. The tips of dry cornstalks
flicker... alight with small flames. Off in the distance we
see... lights of the SILO. Shining like a beacon.

REGAN walks along the eerie shadows of corn stalks when
suddenly at her feet... cracks of light.

REGAN lowers to her knees and puts her head to the ground to
see... a bright light, cutting through the bottom of the
stalks of corn. Suddenly, the pliers REGAN used to work on
the TOY SHUTTLE... slip out of the pocket of her dress...

...AND CRASH ONTO A ROCK ON THE GROUND!!!

REGAN... doesn’t even notice... because she didn’t even hear
it... REGAN sits back up to kneeling position when suddenly
the cornstalks behind her... BEGIN TO LAY DOWN... AS A SHADOW
EMERGES!!!At that exact moment... we begin to hear the oddest
and unpleasent beeeeeeeeeeeep.

Suddenly, REGAN’s eyes begin to squint slightly. Then... her
hand slowly reaches up to her ear?...

SHE CAN HEAR THE BEEP!!!!

SUDDENLY... the SHADOW moves closer to REGAN... and THE
BEEEEEEP GROWS!!! Now at a near deafening level, we see the
shadow behind REGAN... stop? REGAN’s face now scrunches up
in agony as she grabs her ears!!! REGAN digs into her right
ear, rips out the hearing aid and launches forward!!

....SILENCE.....

REGAN suddenly kneels back up into frame... THE SHADOW IS
GONE!... SHE NEVER EVEN KNEW IT WAS THERE.

Breathing wildly, REGAN looks at the hearing aid in her hand.
Her face is almost electrified! As excruciating as that
was.... THAT IS THE FIRST SOUND SHE HAS EVER HEARD!

REGAN... slowly puts the hearing aid back in her ear...

....nothing....
51.


73 EXT. CORNFIELD - NIGHT 73

WE FOLLOW REGAN as she walks down the small path leading
to... the clearing. One ladder stands, the other ladder on
the ground, bottles and fireworks litter the ground. And
then, there in the center of the clearing, lit by the
flashlight... one half of a deer carcass.

... No sign of MARCUS...

REGAN slowly bends down to pick up the flashlight when
suddenly... THE CARCASS MOVES! REGAN jumps back,
terrified!!!

Then from under the neck of the deer... a hand!!

REGAN runs over and pushes the carcass off of... MARCUS, who
has been safely lying underneath.

Covered in blood, he scrambles to try to get to his feet.
REGAN grabs him and holds him tight. She places her finger
to her lips... just like her dad.

She looks around to see if they have a chance to run... and
then thinks better of it. She looks back to her brother...
and places her hand on his chest.

WE RISE above the clearing, above the overgrown tractor...
and once again into the night.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Marcus runs for his life in the cornfield and meets a frightening end, while Regan experiences the first sound in her life and rescues Marcus from danger.
Strengths "Intense, suspenseful pacing and effective use of visual and auditory elements to heighten tension."
Weaknesses "The sparse dialogue may leave some viewers wanting more character development."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written in terms of its use of tension and suspense. The description of the cornfield and the use of sound help to create a sense of fear for the characters and the unknown creature that is chasing them. The shifting perspectives, from Marcus to Regan, add to the sense of urgency and danger in the scene.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. Some of the descriptions, such as "pure panic" on Marcus' face, could be more specific and show the character's emotions more effectively. It may also benefit from more dialogue, as the characters' actions and thoughts can give more insight into their motivations and fears.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more clarity in terms of the location and the creature that is chasing them. It's not clear what the creature is or why it is chasing them, which can be confusing for the audience. Providing more information or hints about the creature could add to the overall mystery and tension of the scene.

Overall, this scene shows promise in its use of tension and suspense, but could benefit from further development of character and plot details.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and intense, but here are a few suggestions to take it to the next level:

1. Use more sensory details: While there are some good descriptions of visual and auditory elements, consider incorporating more sensory details to fully immerse the audience in the scene. For example, how does the cornfield smell or feel? Is there a taste in Marcus' mouth as he's running? Including these details can help make the scene even more vivid.

2. Consider pacing: The scene starts at a relatively slow pace, building tension until the climax with Marcus running into the cornfield. After that, the action feels rushed, with a lot happening in a short amount of time. Consider adjusting the pacing to keep the tension high throughout the scene.

3. Add more character development: Although we get a sense of Marcus' pride and then panic, the scene could benefit from more character development for Regan. This could heighten the emotional stakes of the encounter and give the audience more reason to root for the siblings' survival.

4. Clarify the monster: In this scene, it's unclear what the monster is or what its motivations are. Adding more context or clues could help build a more cohesive and compelling story overall.



Scene 18 - Race to Safety
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
74 EXT. FARMHOUSE - NIGHT 74

WE ARE WIDE on the FARMHOUSE. The RED CHRISTMAS lights sway
gently in the now calm night air.

After a long quiet moment...

LEE appears at the doorway. He carries EVELYN in his arms...
The baby in hers.

He slowly descends the porch stairs and begins to walk toward
the BARN... his eyes locked firmly on his cargo. For a
moment, as LEE walks, this all feels almost like a dream. Or
the end of a nightmare. Respite.

WE ARE TIGHT ON EVELYN who we see is unconscious from the
trauma and the loss of fluids... THEN DOWN TO the tightly
wrapped baby sleeping in her arms.

LEE looks ahead to the doors of the BARN off in the seemingly
never ending distance.

Suddenly...
52.


THE BABY BEGINS TO STIR!!!

LEE’s eyes shoot down to see the baby streeeeeeeeetch... and
slowly begin to open it’s eyes.

ON THE BABY as it looks up, searchingly, at his father... as
his father picks up his pace!

Suddenly... we begin to notice the dim red light on the
baby’s face... BEGINS TO FLICKER!

ON THE BARN DOORS getting closer... closer.

ON LEE as he trudges with everything he has to get his baby
to safety when suddenly... a cold wind blows across LEE’s
face and through his hair.

LEE slowly looks down as...

THE BABY CRIES!!!!!!

WE HOLD DIRECTLY ON LEE, LEADING HIM, as he breaks into a
full sprint!

LEE’S eyes momentarily dart quickly to the side, not at all
prepared for what he might find.

WE NEVER LEAVE LEE’s FACE. As his head bobs back and forth
from running, we intermittently catch glimpses of the long
path behind him. First we see the FARMHOUSE shrinking in the
distance behind him. And then we hear...

SNAP!!!

BEHIND LEE... the large tree near the farmhouse moves
wildly!!

LEE’s eyes never even widen. There is no surprise. This is
the moment he knew would come. As he sprints with everything
he has... the string of bulbs above him... DIM DOWN TO ALMOST
NOTHING!!!!

IN THE DARK DISTANCE BEHIND HIM... A
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!...

Lee... Is... Running... running... closer... closer...
then....

LEE BURSTS THROUGH THE HEAVY QUILTS!!! HE’S IN THE BARN!!

WE ARE ON LEE as he sprints through the familiar interior of
the BARN. When suddenly...

WE HEAR A HUGE BANG!!! Then...
53.


THE HEAVY QUILTS FLY UP INTO THE AIR!!!... JUST AS LEE
DESCENDS INTO THE GROUND!


75 INT. BARN - SAFE ROOM - NIGHT 75

LEE falls back onto the steps, barely holding onto his wife
and child as his free hand reaches for... the mattress!

As LEE finally grabs the mattress and slides it over the
opening above the stairwell...

BLACK
In total darkness we hear:

LEE’S BREATH QUICKENS... AN ODD SOUND OF SOMETHING HEAVY...

ABOVE... THE CREATURES ARE INSIDE THE BARN!!!! A CACOPHONY
OF SCRATCHING, TEARING AND SCREECHING... Then...

FIRE!!... LEE’s lighter cuts through the black and then
retreats into a small glow in the room as we try to
comprehend what’s happening. We see EVELYN has been placed
on a hay bale as...

ABOVE... A CRASH!!!!! THE CREATURES ARE TEARING THROUGH THE
ROOMS... AND DROWNING THE SOUNDS OF THE FAMILY BELOW... FOR
THE MOMENT...

LEE picks up the crying baby... as we PUSH IN. For one brief
second amidst the fury of nerves and sound we see... a father
holding his newborn child for the first time. It is a
precious, once in a lifetime moment.

Then...

A PLASTIC MASK COMES INTO FRAME... and ONTO THE BABY’s
FACE!!!!

As if in an airplane video, LEE wraps the mask’s strap behind
the baby’s head... and then LOWERS THE BABY INTO THE WOODEN,
QUILT LINED BOX!

WE PAN TO THE SIDE of the box... along a clear plastic
tube... to a stand up air canister. LEE’s hand enters frame
and turns the valve... a quiet whisper of air.

LEE stares down at his tiny crying baby wearing an oxygen
mask. The juxtaposed image seemingly almost as bizarre to
him as it is to us. THEN...
54.


LEE PLACES A LARGE STACK OF BLANKETS OVER THE TOP OF THE
BOX!!!!... AND THEN A COVER!!!!

THE BABY’S SCREAMS CAN’T BE HEARD...

THE BANGING... THE SCREECHES... INCREASE IN TEMPO AND
SOUND!!!

LEE just stares down at the small casket like box...

This either works... or they’re dead...


76 EXT. CORNFIELD - DRIVEWAY - NIGHT 76

WE FOLLOW REGAN and MARCUS as they sprint up the main sand
path/driveway running parallel to the cornfields. With the
flashlight slicing through the darkness... it’s nearly
impossible to tell where we are. Suddenly the corn ends and
OVER MARCUS AND REGAN we see...

Shadows of farm equipment!

REGAN turns her head... and looks up.

REGAN’s POV as we climb higher and higher... to the top of
the SILO!
Genres: ["horror","drama"]

Summary Lee races to the barn with Evelyn and their baby, while monsters close in. Meanwhile, Regan and Marcus run towards the farm equipment and silo for safety.
Strengths "The scene builds up tension and suspense effectively, with the urgency of the race to the barn and the potential danger of the monsters. The use of a ticking egg timer to distract the creatures adds an element of cleverness to the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene relies heavily on action and suspense, leaving limited opportunities for character development or dialogue. The use of a plastic mask on the baby feels contrived and slightly unrealistic."
Critique This scene is well-written and visually engaging. The use of all caps and exclamation marks effectively create tension and a sense of urgency. The details of the red Christmas lights, the baby stirring and the flickering light on its face, and the sudden wind blowing across LEE's face all add to the suspense. The transition to the safe room where the creatures are inside the barn is well-executed and the use of sound to indicate their presence is effective. The moment of LEE holding his newborn child is poignant and adds emotional depth to the scene. The use of visual details like the clear plastic tube and air canister, as well as the blanket and cover over the top of the box, help to create a sense of practicality and resourcefulness in LEE's actions. Overall, a strong scene.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is strong in its tension and conveyance of urgency. However, there are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. Clarify the location: It's not clear where the farmhouse and barn are in relation to other landmarks, which can cause confusion for the audience trying to picture the setting. Consider adding some exposition to give a better sense of the geography.

2. Develop Lee's character: While the scene's tension is high, there isn't much development for Lee as a character beyond his protective instincts. Consider adding some dialogue or actions to give the audience a better sense of who he is as a person.

3. Make sure the action is clear: The scene's fast-paced action can be difficult to follow at times, especially when it comes to the sequence of events before Lee gets into the safe room. Clarify what's happening and where the creatures are so the audience isn't lost.

4. Cut down on excessive description: There are parts of the scene where the description seems too long and interrupts the flow. Consider trimming some of the more excessive details to keep the pace of the scene moving.



Scene 19 - Safe Room and Silo Rooftop
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
77 INT. BARN - SAFE ROOM - NIGHT 77

Silence... The frame filled with a dark brown... Time has
passed. Then...

WE TRAVEL DOWN from the dirt ceiling... past a hook on the
wooden support beam... to a clear plastic IV BAG hanging...
down a fluid filled plastic tube... and into an arm.

WE PULL BACK to reveal EVELYN lying on the hay bale
comfortably... her eyes still closed. She has been
bandaged... and wears LEE’s sweater. A single burning candle
by her side. Then...

EVELYN SHOOTS AWAKE!!! SHE SCRAMBLES TO SIT UP THROUGH THE
PAIN!!! HER EYES SEARCH A LOW LIT ROOM!!! SHE GOES TO SIT
UP AND WINCES... AN IV IS IN HER ARM!!

Out of the darkness... comes LEE! He is holding the baby.

LEE
It’s ok. It’s ok! Your safe.

EVELYN looks up at LEE immediately confused as to why he’s
talking... then it sinks in.
55.


EVELYN
It worked?

LEE
It worked.

EVELYN
It worked... it worked...

LEE holds up the sleeping baby and places it in EVELYN’s
arms... Tears fall down her face. She looks back up to her
husband... and then around the room.

EVELYN (CONT’D)
Where’s Marcus?

Pause.

LEE
I’ll find them.

EVELYN
Them?!

EVELYN immediately tenses.

LEE takes the sleeping baby from EVELYN and places it in the
safe wooden box. No air mask needed now.

EVELYN (CONT’D)
She was with me in the house. I
was doing laundry and she-- He was
with you. How did he--

LEE sits next to his wife... and begins to lay her back down.

LEE
Rockets.

EVELYN pauses.

EVELYN
Then he-- then he’s still there.
He’d know to--

LEE sits next to his wife... and begins to lay her back down.

LEE
I’m sure he is.

EVELYN
She’s smart she’ll have found a
place to-- She’s smart...
56.


EVELYN’s gaze finally lands on her child.

EVELYN (CONT’D)
It’s a boy.

LEE
... It’s a boy.

EVELYN
... It’s a boy.


Pause.

EVELYN (CONT’D)
... I could have carried him.

LEE looks at his wife confused.

EVELYN (CONT’D)
He was so heavy...

LEE freezes...

EVELYN (CONT’D)
I can still feel the weight in my
arms. He was... small, but so
heavy, wasn’t he?

LEE can’t speak.

EVELYN (CONT’D)
My hands were free-- I was carrying
the bag, but my hands were still
free... I could have carried him...
I should have carried him.

LEE
...Evelyn...

EVELYN
Who are we?... if we can’t protect
them. Who are we?

LEE is frozen... every image rushing back to him.

EVELYN (CONT’D)
You have to protect them.

LEE
I will.
57.


EVELYN
Promise me. We can’t--... You need
to protect them.


78 EXT. SILO- ROOF - NIGHT 78

CLOSE ON... A FLAME!!!

As it dies down, coming into view we see... MARCUS sitting in
front of the shallow metal drum their father sat in front of
the night before.

REGAN walks around the fire looking out across the farm for
any sign of her father.

Just as the fire is about to die out, REGAN walks back and
squirts the last remaining fluid from the bottle. The fire
rages again and illuminates the two children... as well as
the fading hope on their faces.

The fire begins to die down again. REGAN rummages in the box
picking up the empty bottles of lighter fluid and shaking
them frantically...

She shakes the last empty bottle... And slumps down...
defeated... scared.

In the last moments of the dying flame...

MARCUS (SIGNING)
He’ll come for us.

The two kids stare off desperately over the farm...
preventing them from seeing far off in the distance to the
right...

A fire ignites... Then farther off... another fire...

BUT THIS TIME... ITS ONLY TWO!

The kids don’t even notice.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Evelyn wakes up in a safe room and is told her plan worked. She asks for Marcus and learns he is missing. Lee promises to find him. Meanwhile, Regan and Marcus are on the silo rooftop looking for their parents, and see distant fires.
Strengths "Tense atmosphere, strong emotional moments between characters"
Weaknesses "Dialogue is limited, lack of action"
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The use of visual description helps create a clear picture of the setting and the characters' actions and emotions. However, there are a few areas for improvement.

Firstly, some of the dialogue feels a bit on the nose and could benefit from subtlety. For example, when Evelyn asks "Who are we?... if we can't protect them. Who are we?" it feels like an exposition dump rather than a natural conversation.

Additionally, there is a missed opportunity for more action and tension in the scene with Lee and Evelyn. The reveal that the baby is safe and a boy is a moment of relief, but the conversation turns into a lament rather than a strategically planning next steps.

Finally, while the last shot of the two fires in the distance is a good visual cue that helps build suspense for the next scene, it could be made even stronger with a clearer sense of direction. As written, it is unclear whether the fires are potential rescuers or something more ominous.

Overall, with some slight adjustments to the dialogue and pacing, this scene could be even stronger.
Suggestions Overall, this scene does a good job of ramping up the tension and emotion as the characters come closer to reuniting. Here are a few suggestions to enhance the scene:

- Add more sensory details to the environment. What does the hay smell like? Is the air humid or dry? Are there any sounds in the barn or outside? Focusing on these details can help ground the scene in reality and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
- Consider adding more dialogue or actions for Lee and Evelyn during their reunion. They've been separated for a while and have just achieved a major goal, so it's likely that they would have more to say to each other. For example, Lee could ask Evelyn how she's feeling or if she needs anything, or they could share a tender moment.
- Provide more context for the final lines of the scene, where Evelyn asks Lee to promise to protect their children. Why does she feel the need to make this demand now? Has she had a change of heart about the family's survival tactics? Including more detail here could help give the scene more weight and emotional impact.
- Consider tightening up some of the dialogue to make it more naturalistic and concise. For example, instead of saying "He is holding the baby. It's ok. It's ok! You're safe," Lee could simply say "The baby's okay. You're safe now." These small changes can make a big difference in how the scene flows.



Scene 20 - Evelyn's Close Call with a Creature in the Safe Room
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
79 INT. BARN - NIGHT 79

WE ARE ON THE FAMILIAR image of the interior of the BARN.
Suddenly, the mattress on the ground... moves. Then...
LEE’s head slowly arises from underground.

LEE stands to see their barn... their life has been tossed
and ravaged.
58.


LEE places the mattress back over the large unfinished hole
leading down to the safe room and stands up. LEE stares down
at the mattress... and what it protects... then walks out of
frame.

WE HOLD ON THE mattress a moment... And then SLOWLY MOVE
along the floor of the BARN... past the monopoly game...
until we reach the bedroom stalls to see...

A LARGE CLAW MARK GOUGED OUT OF THE BARN WALL!

As we move down we see... a pipe above the long trough on the
wall...has broken...

WATER DRIPS FROM THE BROKEN PIPE... AND A POOL OF WATER...
MOVES ACROSS THE FLOOR!


80 EXT. SILO - ROOF - NIGHT 80

CLOSE ON REGAN, oddly lit. She lays on her back staring up...
at the stars. REGAN fumbles with something in her ear...

WE GO EXTREME CLOSE on her turning the tiny dial on top of
her hearing aid. As she does... she places her other hand by
her ear and rubs her fingers together, hoping to hear a
sound.... Nothing.

REGAN turns the dial even more... nothing.

REGAN immediately rolls over, frustrated. Sitting directly
in her view, on his dad’s small stool... is MARCUS looking
out hopefully to the farm.

MARCUS (SIGNING)
He’ll come.

REGAN scoffs and goes to get up when suddenly, under her
dad’s stool she sees... a box... the box LEE kept the photo
in... She reaches under the stool and grabs it.

NOW CLOSE OVER THE BOX ONTO REGAN as she stares down at it...

Then... As the lid opens, it covers frame completely to...

BLACK


81 INT. BARN - SAFE ROOM - NIGHT 81

EVELYN’S eyes shoot open! Her face barely lit from a small
slice of red light.

We hear very clearly... The sound of running water.
59.


EVELYN squints as her eyes adjust to the low light and
attempts to get her bearings.

EVELYN’s POV as she scans across the ceiling, down the walls
and finally onto... the blanket covered crib in the middle of
the room.

A relieved smile appears on EVELYN’s face... and then a
wince... as she slowly tries to sit up.

She quietly slides her legs off of the hay bale and toward
the ground when... she suddenly stops!

WE FOLLOW EVELYN’s eyes down her body to the ground to see
her legs...

ARE SUBMERGED IN WATER!!!!

EVELYN’s eyes shoot frantically around the dark room again
and finally land on the source of red light from above. She
leans forward to see... CHRISTMAS LIGHTS...

THE MATTRESS HAS BEEN MOVED!

From one corner of the large opening... a stream of water
pours down into the room. Suddenly...

A SNORT!!!!

EVELYN’s head slowly turns... The look on her face reveals to
us the immediate truth that her brain won’t yet admit.

EVELYN’s POV as we scan the room once more. This time, in
the shadowed corner of the room...

A LARGE BLACK SHAPE!!!!!

EVELYN is frozen with fear as she watches....

THE SILHOUETTE OF A CREATURE STANDING DIRECTLY ABOVE HER
BABY’S CRIB!!!!!!!!!!

EVELYN’S eyes travel down from the creature... to her baby’s
crib where...

THE QUILT BEGINS TO MOVE!!!.... THE BABY... IS WAKING UP!!!

Suddenly... WE HEAR THE BEGINNINGS OF THE LOW HUM!!!

We see a flash of red reflected off the small plates... as
they open.
60.


WE HOLD ON EVELYN, her brain racing as fast as her heart, as
she slowly looks at THE PLATES ROTATING... SCANNING THE ROOM.
Suddenly... Her breath stops... as EVELYN...

STANDS UP!!!!!

As she stands... We watch the rings in the water from EVELYN
flow through the room... TO THE CREATURE!! The plates
immediately turn down toward the rings in the water.

EVELYN looks over to the water running down the steps... then
back to the creature. It is clear it can’t place exactly
where she is due to the sound of the dripping water.

WE FOLLOW on EVELYN’S back as she begins to slowly... MOVE
THROUGH THE WATER!!!

Suddenly... the red lights from the barn above begin to
DIM... and illuminate THE CREATURES BACK!!!

WE GO CLOSE on it’s small plates completely opened up and
vibrating... WE TRAVEL CLOSE up it’s back through the tunnel
of receiving its plates have created and end CLOSE ON the
cavernous holes in it’s head where the information is
processed.

When suddenly... EVELYN, with an unnerving calm...

REACHES INTO THE CRIB!!!!

CLOSE ON the crib to reveal...

THIS NEWBORN BABY... IS WIDE AWAKE!!!!

CLOSE ON EVELYN, as she places the baby on her shoulder as...
SHE BEGINS TO SLOWLY WALK BACKWARDS!!!!

EVELYN’S POV as we watch... THE CREATURE’s plates begin to
turn on its body... they are turning... TOWARD EVELYN...

THE WATER BEGINS TO MOVE as... THE CREATURE TURNS TO EVELYN!!

WE GO CLOSE ON THE VIBRATING WATER TRAVELING TO EVELYN...

UP ON EVELYN as she closes her eyes and continues walking
backward, when suddenly we see... A GUSH OF WATER CASCADING
BEHIND HER.

Without flinching, EVELYN COVERS THE BABY... AND WALKS RIGHT
THROUGH THE CASCADING WATER suddenly... DISAPPEARING!

ON EVELYN, her back pressed up against the dirt wall. The
water pouring only inches from her face... like a small
waterfall.
61.


Then just in front of EVELYN... distorted behind the
waterfall... THE CREATURE SLOWLY ENTERS... then...

Though our view is skewed through the water... IT OPENS IT’S
MOUTH!!! Even through the distortion, we still understand
what we’re seeing is A LONG CRESCENT OF RAZOR SHARP TEETH!!!!
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Evelyn wakes up in a safe room to find it flooded with water and a creature closing in on her and her newborn baby. With a nerve-wracking calm, she manages to grab her baby and escape the creature's grasp.
Strengths "Tension is expertly built and suspense is maintained throughout. Evelyn's courage and quick thinking are admirable, adding depth to her character arc. The description of the creature and its features are memorable."
Weaknesses "There is limited dialogue in this scene, making it difficult to develop character dynamics through conversation alone. It is also rather short."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with vivid imagery and tension-building elements. The use of different points of view is effective in creating a sense of urgency and danger, as the characters' experiences are shown from different angles. The pacing is well-suited to the horror genre, with slow moments building up to intense action and then slowing down again to create suspense. The use of sensory details, such as the sound of running water and the red Christmas lights, adds to the atmosphere and immerses the audience in the scene. However, one area that could be improved is the dialogue, which is minimal and lacks emotional depth. Adding more dialogue that reveals the characters' thoughts and feelings would enhance their development and make the scene even more impactful.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions I would make to improve this scene:

1. Clarify the setting: It's not immediately clear where the safe room/barn is located and what it's being protected from. Adding some context or establishing shots could help ground the audience.

2. Tighten up the pacing: The scene description is written in a very detailed and descriptive way, but it could benefit from cutting down on some of the extraneous details to keep the tension and suspense high.

3. Add some character emotions/reactions: While there is some emotion conveyed through action (such as Evelyn's fear and relief), adding in some more explicit reactions or inner thoughts could help deepen character development and make the scene more impactful.

4. Consider adding more dialogue: There is currently very little dialogue in this scene, which can make it feel stagnant. Adding some back-and-forth between characters, even if it's just short phrases or sign language, could help break up the tension and give the audience a moment to breathe.



Scene 21 - Desperate Struggle
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
82 EXT. CORNFIELD - NIGHT 82

From black... a flashlight slices into frame, illuminating
the looming corn stalks on either side as WE MOVE SLOWLY
along a thin sand path that cuts through the dense corn.

LEE walks into frame.

He comes to the end of the thin path and arrives at... THE
OVERGROWN TRACTOR.

ON LEE’S face as he scans the area with his flashlight.

ON POV of flashlight as it floods the tractor with light.

LEE moves around the tractor... then stops.

POV of flashlight... BLOOD!!


83 EXT. SILO- ROOF - NIGHT 83

The lid of the box closes to reveal REGAN. The sadness that
has overtaken her... blends into anger.

REGAN (SIGNING)
We can’t stay here. We need to
move.

MARCUS shakes his head.

MARCUS (SIGNING)
He’ll come for us.

REGAN shoots a look at him... and then walks AROUND THE EDGE
OF THE SILO to the ladder. MARCUS begins waving his arms
wildly. As REGAN turns to mount the first rung of the
ladder... she looks back at him.

MARCUS (SIGNING) (CONT’D)
He WILL come for us.

REGAN’s sadness turns to anger.

REGAN (SIGNING)
He’ll come for YOU!
62.


MARCUS shakes his head, signing as he steps toward her.

MARCUS (SIGNING)
No. You’re wrong! I--

And in the blink of an eye......

MARCUS PLUNGES OUT OF FRAME!!!

ON REGAN’S face as we hear... THE BOOMING SOUND OF METAL
RIPPING OPEN!!!


84 INT. BARN - SAFE ROOM - NIGHT 84

EVELYN pinned against the wall... THE CREATURE’s mouth open!
When suddenly...

The CREATURE immediately turns its head... Toward the sound
of the SILO.

SUDDENLY ITS GONE!


85 EXT. CORNFIELD - TRACTOR - NIGHT 85

THE LOUD SOUND OF GROANING METAL ECHOES across the sky above
LEE.

He immediately jumps on top of the tractor. WE FOLLOW as:

OVER LEE’S BACK WE NOW SEE ABOVE THE VAST CORNFIELDS... TO
THE SILO. Then...

ANOTHER SOUND...

LEE slowly turns only his head as we hear... a low, growling
hum... almost like that of a swarm of bees.

WE TRAVEL AROUND LEE 180 degrees and follow his gaze now
toward the FARMHOUSE and BARN... and...

DARK SNAKING LINES CUTTING THROUGH THE CORN!!!

1 line... no 2... no... 4!!!

THE SOUND GROWS LOUDER AND LOUDER as WE TILT with these
rushing lines... HEADING STRAIGHT FOR LEE.

ON LEE’S face as he looks on in horror at this unstoppable
reality, as the lines... and the SHADOWS causing them...

SLICE THROUGH THE CORN AROUND HIM!!!
63.


WE MOVE BACK AROUND LEE as he spins around to watch the lines
head directly for...


86 EXT. SILO- ROOF - NIGHT 86

REGAN runs to the edge of the hole to see... Two giant trap
doors of the silo roof swinging... GROANING BACK AND FORTH!!!

Many feet below, we see MARCUS... waist deep in a mountain...
OF CORN.

REGAN’S body quakes as she does everything she can to resist
the urge to call out when suddenly... MARCUS MOVES!

MARCUS looks up at his sister as he wiggles and squirms,
desperately trying to get free. But with every movement
MARCUS... BEGINS TO SINK!!!

REGAN signs to her brother to stop moving!! When suddenly...

BANG...BANG!...BANG!!!!!!!

ON REGAN as she places her hands on the SILO metal... as it
now vibrates with each blow!

Then... A SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!!

BANG!!!... BANG!!!... BANG!!!

MARCUS now thrashes wildly from fear!... AS HE SINKS EVEN
FASTER!!!

ON REGAN as she tries to sign to her brother frantically when
suddenly...

ONE OF THE SWINGING TRAP DOORS RIPS FREE FROM THE SILO AND
PLUMMETS TOWARD MARCUS!

As the steel door crashes into the corn like a guillotine
only inches away from him, MARCUS lunges out of the way!!!...
That desperate quick movement... causes the corn to give way
even more... as it now engulfs MARCUS up to his chest!!!

Suddenly....A CRACK OF LIGHT PIERCES THROUGH THE SILO
WALL.... AND THEN ANOTHER!!!... THE CREATURES ARE TRYING TO
CLAW THROUGH!!!

ON REGAN as she tries to process it all and then finally...

SHE JUMPS DOWN INTO THE HOLE!!!!!!!
64.


87 INT. SILO - NIGHT 87

REGAN lands feet first into the packed corn... which
immediately engulfs her to her waist!!! She begins to
scramble toward her brother... SHE TOO SINKING FURTHER INTO
THE CORN.

REGAN begins to push the fallen steel door toward her
brother.

ON MARCUS as he desperately reaches his hand out toward the
door... his face beginning to sink under the corn!!!

REGAN makes one last desperate push of the door toward her
brother’s hand... AS CORN ENGULFS HER TO HER CHEST!!!

In one swift move, MARCUS places his hand onto the fallen
silo door that sits atop the corn like a floating log in a
river.

MARCUS’s hand grabs hold of the steel and begins to pull
himself out. As he gets his arm up on the steel door, he
turns back and reaches for his sister... WHO IS NOW ENGULFED
UP TO HER NECK!!!

MARCUS immediately reaches back to grab her hand... but REGAN
shakes her head and motions for him to stop! Then... she
takes one last deep breath as...

HER FACE DISAPPEARS INTO THE GRAIN!


88 INT. SILO - NIGHT 88

DARKNESS...

A whirring of dense sound, like that of heavy rain on a car
roof. Trickles of fading light as the sound grows quieter...
and quieter and then... is gone.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Lee finds blood on an overgrown tractor, Regan and Marcus are trapped on a silo rooftop, Evelyn and her baby narrowly escape a creature in a safe room.
Strengths "The scene is intense and suspenseful, with high stakes and a sense of desperation. The concept of the monsters and their impact on the world is intriguing."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is limited due to the lack of sound in the scene, which may make it less engaging for some viewers."
Critique This scene is well-written and effectively builds tension. The use of different locations and points of view adds to the suspense and keeps the audience engaged. The descriptions of the visuals and sounds are vivid and help to create a clear picture in the reader's mind. However, without context it is difficult to fully evaluate the scene in terms of its plot and character development.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to clarify who the character Lee is and their purpose in the scene. Is he a protagonist or a supporting character? Adding more context to his presence can help the audience connect better with the character and understand their motivations.

Another suggestion would be to add more emotional depth and characterization to Regan and Marcus. It's important to establish a connection with the characters and make the audience care about their survival.

Additionally, adding more sensory detail to the scenes can enhance the suspense and tension. For example, describing the smell of the cornfield or the texture of the corn could add more layers to the scene and make it feel more immersive.

Overall, focusing on character development and sensory detail can elevate the scene and make it more impactful for the audience.



Scene 22 - A Narrow Escape
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 6
89 INT. SILO - GRAIN PILE - NIGHT 89

MARCUS ferociously claws at the grain where his sister once
was when suddenly...

HE BEGINS TO MOVE!

MARCUS looks back across the mountain and sees that the corn
IS BEGINNING TO POUR OUT OF A HOLE BEING MADE BY SLASHING
CREATURES!!!! And as the corn pours out the side, the corn
MARCUS sits atop... BEGINS TO GIVE WAY AND SLIDE TOWARD THE
HOLES... AND THE CREATURES!
65.


90 INT. SILO - NIGHT 90

DARKNESS...

Faintly... The whirring sounds slowly begin to fade back in.
And with it a muted...

...boom....boom!...

Tiny shafts of light begin to poke through our dark world as
the sound grows...

...Boom!.....BOOM!... Suddenly...


91 INT. SILO - GRAIN PILE - NIGHT 91

A HAND POPS OUT OF THE CORN RIGHT NEXT TO MARCUS!!!

The cascading corn... is actually sliding away at such a
fierce rate that it unearths...

REGAN’S FACE AS IT POPS OUT FROM THE CORN!!! REGAN takes
in... the deepest breath of air her lungs can handle.


92 EXT. CORNFIELD - DAWN 92

LOW ON a sand path cutting through thick cornfields on either
side as... LEE rounds the corner and sprints as fast as he
can, his flashlight thrashes through the night sky.


93 INT. SILO - DAWN 93

ON MARCUS as he wraps his arm around his sister and pulls her
up to the steel door.

ON REGAN, sweating... breathing heavily... She looks to
MARCUS... who is looking away??

MARCUS puts his finger to his mouth to tell his sister to be
quiet.

Now with MARCUS, we suddenly realize... THE BANGING HAS
STOPPED!

MARCUS grabs his flashlight and shines it down toward the
hole created by the creatures... NOTHING!

MARCUS shines the flashlight to another set of slash marks on
the silo wall... NOTHING!
66.


MARCUS shines the flashlight across the now still corn...
SILENCE!

Then suddenly... A SQUEAK!!!!

MARCUS’ flashlight launches up to the roof of the silo...
where the second of the two doors squeaks back and forth.

MARCUS’ flashlight looks all around the trap door... All
around the roof... NOTHING!!!

As MARCUS leads the light back down the silo wall, he briefly
illuminates REGAN, when suddenly...

BOOM!!!!
THE CREATURE JUMPS DOWN INTO THE LIGHT!!!! IT’S PLATES AND
MOUTH FULLY OPEN!!!!

REGAN looks up to the creature in horror and then whips
around... and tackles MARCUS off the door!!!

THE CREATURE STEPS TOWARDS THE KIDS!!!

REGAN grabs the edge of the door and lifts it over her and
MARCUS’ heads!

PINNED UNDERNEATH THE SILO DOOR, MARCUS looks over to his
sister to see... SHE IS HOLDING HER EAR... NEARLY CONVULSING
WITH PAIN!!! Not knowing what is happening to her he slowly
reaches out his hand to her when suddenly...

BANG!!!
A GIANT CLAW RIPS THROUGH THE SILO DOOR, RIGHT BETWEEN THE
TWO CHILDREN!!!

The children stare at the claw, horrified when suddenly...

THE CLAW BEGINS TO SHAKE... AS IF HAVING A SEIZURE!

After a long moment of seizing up... THE CLAW RIPS BACK
THROUGH THE DOOR... AND IS GONE??

WE HEAR THE TERRIFYING SCREEEEEEEEECH OF THE CREATURE!!!

Then... the sounds of SLASHING METAL!!! WE BARELY SEE THE
CREATURE AS IT BURSTS IN AND OUT OF FRAME... SCRATCHING AND
SLASHING AT THE SILO... TRYING TO GET.... OUT!!!!

Suddenly, a HORRIFYING RIPPING SOUND!!! And then...
67.


SILENCE....

The children look at each other.... silent... waiting.

After a long moment, REGAN and MARCUS begin to slide the silo
door off of them... and peak out.

MARCUS picks up the flashlight and shines the light all
around the silo... then suddenly stops... The children just
stare... AS WE SLOWLY PULL BACK TO REVEAL...

AN ENORMOUS HOLE TORN THROUGH THE SILO!!!

MARCUS looks back to his sister... breathing heavily... WHAT
JUST HAPPENED?


A94 EXT. SILO - DAWN A94

WE GO WIDE to REGAN and MARCUS jumping down from the same
large hole... onto a large pile of corn that has spilt out
into the night... THEY ARE COMPLETELY ALONE.

MARCUS suddenly grabs REGAN’S hand and pulls her to her feet.

ON THE BACKS OF THE KIDS as they sprint through the farm
equipment graveyard holding hands...

Suddenly, REGAN turns to head into the cornfields... MARCUS
yanks her arm to stop her.

REGAN looks at her brother... The look in his eye is begging
her to trust him... she does as MARCUS pulls her to his safe
place... the PICK UP TRUCK at the end of the driveway!

As they arrive at the truck MARCUS expertly disappears
through the cab’s driver’s side window... REGAN instinctively
dives underneath the truck.

WE SLOWLY PULL BACK on the truck. MARCUS’ head pokes up from
the back window of the cab. REGAN lies still underneath.
They are split up... but safe.


94 EXT. SILO - DAWN 94

WE MOVE along a sand path, just as we did in the beginning of
the movie, where the end of the cornfield opens into a
clearing to reveal... THE WORK TRUCK off to the far left.
LEE appears into frame.

ON LEE as he shines the flashlight... scanning the scene.
67A.


HIS POV as it is... eerily quiet. LEE’s flashlight shines
all the way to the far right onto the gaping hole in the
SILO... BUT THERE ARE NO CREATURES. Just the cement mixer
and some tools tipped onto the ground.
68.


Fearing the worst... LEE makes his way to the hole.

ON REGAN as she lifts her head to see the light shining on
the SILO... and her father walking toward it. Her eyes go
wide. She begins to shake her head... then wave her arms as
best she can... no... no... NO!... but LEE doesn’t see her.

LEE begins to walk slowly toward the SILO.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller"]

Summary Regan and Marcus are trapped on a silo rooftop and narrowly avoid being attacked by a creature, but the silo is torn apart in the process. They eventually make their way to safety, but are separated from their parents.
Strengths "The tension builds up throughout the scene, with a lot of action happening and close calls for the characters. The setting of the silo rooftop adds a lot to the suspense and danger of the scene."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is minimal and doesn't add much depth to the characters. Some of the creature's actions are unclear and confusing."
Critique Overall, this scene has some strong moments and potential, but also some weaknesses. Here are some notes:

- The action and tension build well throughout the scene, with the pouring corn and sudden creature appearance adding excitement. However, some of the action descriptions are a bit confusing or unclear, making it hard to follow exactly what's happening. The claw and creature movements in particular could be clearer.
- There are some missed opportunities for character development or emotion. For example, Marcus doesn't have much of a reaction when he first sees Regan, and Regan's "deepest breath of air" moment could be more powerful if we had a stronger sense of her fear or relief. The emotional impact of the scene could be heightened if we saw the characters reacting more strongly to what's happening.
- The use of capitalization for sound effects is distracting. It's unnecessary and can take readers out of the scene. Instead, focus on describing the sounds in a clear and evocative way.
- The last few lines with Lee walking toward the silo feel a bit redundant. We already know that the kids are safe but separated, so this just pads out the scene without adding much new information or tension.

Overall, this scene could benefit from some clarity in action descriptions and more attention to character emotion. However, it builds tension fairly effectively and has some strong visual moments.
Suggestions This scene has a lot of action and tension, but there are a few ways to improve it:

1. Clarify the geography of the scene: Where exactly is Marcus in relation to the creatures and the hole they're making? How does he end up looking back across the mountain and seeing the pouring corn? Clarifying the physical space and movement will help make the action more engaging and understandable for the audience.

2. Develop the character emotions: There's a lot happening in this scene, but we don't get much insight into how Marcus and Regan are feeling beyond horror and shock. Including more emotional beats will help the audience connect with the characters and increase their investment in the story.

3. Increase the stakes: It's not entirely clear what the creatures want or what their ultimate goal is, which makes it difficult to understand the severity of the threat they pose. Refining their motivations and goals will help up the stakes and intensify the action.

4. Polish the dialogue: While the scene is primarily action-driven, there are still a few moments of dialogue that could benefit from some polishing. Tightening up the script and making the dialogue more concise and impactful will keep the pacing and tone consistent throughout the scene.



Scene 23 - Escape from the Silo
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
95 INT. FARMHOUSE - BASEMENT - DAWN 95

WE ARE OVER THE STAIRS looking through the basement to the
monitors.

Suddenly... A dripping wet foot steps into frame... and then
another as...

EVELYN descends the stairs, holding the baby!


96 INT. TRUCK - DAWN 96

Through the rearview mirror we see reflections of LEE’s
flashlight as it scans up and down the SILO behind.

ON MARCUS as the dim light reflects onto his closed eyes...
and he wakes up. In the rearview he sees the flashlight and
immediately spins to look out the window at his father...
standing only yards from the hole. The smallest whisper...

MARCUS (WHISPER)
...Dad... no... NO....

Overcome with fear, MARCUS instinctively slides to the driver
side door... AND OPENS IT!!!!


97 EXT. TRUCK - DAWN 97

As the driver’s side door wrenches open, the age of the truck
and the years without use become painfully evident as...

IT MAKES A HIGH PITCHED SHRIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEK!


98 EXT. SILO - DAWN 98

Almost transported back to that fateful day on the bridge, we
watch as LEE’s head slowly turns as he raises his light onto
the truck and... his son!!

Then, just as he did on the bridge... knowing what comes
next... LEE RUNS!!!
69.


99 EXT. TRUCK - DAWN 99

REGAN rolls out from under the car, grabs her brother and
safely tackles him into the car, closing the door behind
them.


100 INT. TRUCK - DAWN 100

REGAN puts her brother down onto the floor of the truck
underneath the steering wheel for protection... and then hops
over to the passenger side, sits up... and looks out the back
window.


101 EXT. SILO - DAWN 101

ON LEE... running.

... Desperately trying to keep his promise to his wife...


102 INT. TRUCK - DAWN 102

OVER REGAN, as she watches her father sprinting towards
them...

When suddenly behind him... TWO SHADOWS!!!


103 EXT. SILO - DAWN 103

OVER LEE as he sprints as fast as he can towards the truck,
now only 40 yards away...30...

THEN... on either side of LEE...

TWO SHADOWS BLOW PAST HIM!!! RACING, SCRAMBLING, CLAWING...

Still in full sprint, LEE watches...

AS THE FIRST SHADOW CLOSES IN ON THE TRUCK!!!!


104 INT. TRUCK - DAWN 104

OVER REGAN looking out the back window as the creature gets
closer...closer...

THE BEEEEEEEP ONCE AGAIN BEGINS TO GROW... and GROW. Just as
the creature is about to make impact... REGAN, not wanting to
experience that pain again... TURNS THE HEARING AID OFF....

We are now in total silence.....
70.


REGAN looks down at her brother on the floor... Just as....

BANG!... THE TRUCK THRASHES VIOLENTLY!!!

The kids grab onto... whatever they can...

BANG!!!!!!!!!... THE TRUCK THRASHES VIOLENTLY AGAIN!!!!


105 EXT. TRUCK - DAWN 105

Now outside REGAN’s perspective... and in LEE’s... we can
hear the full sound of the violent attack!

OVER LEE, WE SEE THE TRUCK BEING SMASHED...

LEE KEEPS RUNNING!


106 EXT. TRUCK - DAWN 106

FROM UNDERNEATH THE TRUCK we see the front wheels slide
forward in the sand.

BANG!!!

The front wheels slide again. This time... they begin to
disappear over the edge of the clearing... and down the long
driveway...


107 INT. TRUCK - DAWN 107

BACK IN SILENCE

ON REGAN AND MARCUS as she holds her brother and looks around
the cab for options. Suddenly, out the passenger side window
she sees...

ANOTHER CREATURE BURST OUT OF THE CORN AND... SLAM INTO THE
PASSENGER SIDE DOOR!!!!

GLASS SHATTERS!!!... And the truck... LIFTS UP!!!


108 EXT. TRUCK - DAWN 108

ON LEE’S BACK, SPRINTING, now only twenty yards away... when
he sees the right side of the truck lift high into the air.
For a moment it looks as though it is going to tip all the
way over... Then SMASHES BACK DOWN TO THE GROUND!!

We now bear witness to something eerily familiar as LEE’s
BODY... GIVES OUT ON HIM.
71.


WE CIRCLE around LEE as HIS FEET SCRAPE TO A STOP... HIS
SHOULDERS LOWER.

WE END OUR MOVE on LEE’s face as he scans the smashed
truck...

His eyes seem to actually flicker as his brain fires and
misfires... trying to process this nightmare... this LOSS...

When suddenly...


109 INT. TRUCK - DAWN 109

ON REGAN, jammed down into the floor of the passenger seat.
She reaches over to her brother... and lifts his head. MARCUS
opens his teary eyes, shaken... but alive. REGAN slowly
rises up onto the seat... And through the smashed window...
MAKES DIRECT EYE CONTACT WITH HER FATHER...
Genres: ["horror","drama","sci-fi"]

Summary Lee, Regan, and Marcus are under attack by creatures on the farm and must flee in a truck, but are separated from each other in the chaotic escape.
Strengths "The scene is intense and action-packed, with heightened stakes and fear for the characters' safety. It marks a significant turning point in the plot as the family is separated from each other in their attempt to survive."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is minimal and does not add much depth to the characters or their relationships."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, it is not within my capacity to judge art or writing. However, the scene appears to be well-written, with vivid and intense descriptions and effective use of pacing and suspense. The use of silence and sound effects also adds to the overall tension and drama of the scene.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is fairly well-written, but there are a few areas where it could be improved:

- Consider adding more description to the characters' actions and emotions. For example, what is Evelyn's facial expression when she descends the stairs? How does Marcus shake with fear as he whispers to his dad? Adding in more of these details can help the audience connect to the characters and make the scene more impactful.

- Try to vary up sentence length and structure. The majority of the sentences in this scene are quite short and choppy, which can make it feel less engaging to read. Mix in some longer, more complex sentences to create a better flow.

- Be careful with the use of exclamation points. They are used quite frequently in this scene, but can lose their power if overused. Consider using alternative sentence structures or descriptions to convey intensity instead.

- Consider incorporating more sensory detail. What do the creatures look and sound like as they attack the truck? What does the air smell like? Adding in more of these small details can add to the immersive quality of the scene.

- Finally, consider whether the scene could benefit from a bit more context or character development. For example, how does Lee feel about his promise to his wife at this point in the movie? Providing a bit more background or character insight can add depth to the scene and help it resonate more with the audience.



Scene 24 - The Escape
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
110 EXT. TRUCK - DAWN 110

WE ARE CLOSE ON LEE as he registers this miraculous sight of
his daughter and watch...

AS THE MOST JOYFUL SMILE EXPLODES ACROSS HIS FACE!

LEE breathes heavily... taking in this new information...
this second chance... then...

LEE slowly brings his hands to his chest...

AND SIGNS....



LEE (SIGNING)
... I love you.


111 INT. TRUCK - DAWN 111

As REGAN looks out at her father, confused... moved... Why
did he just say that?...when suddenly...

ONE OF THE CREATURES CLIMBS UP ONTO THE TRUCK’S HOOD,
crushing it from the weight...


112 EXT. TRUCK - DAWN 112

ON LEE... as he signs to REGAN again...
72.


LEE (SIGNING)
I have... always... loved you.


112A INT. TRUCK - DAWN 112A

ON REGAN... as tears stream down her face...

Above her... the roof begins to cave in from the weight of
the creature!!!!


112B EXT. TRUCK - DAWN 112B

ON LEE as he watches the CREATURE make his way up to the roof
of the truck... AND REAR BACK...

FOR THE FIRST TIME...WE SEE THE CREATURE IN FULL!!!!
IT’S ARM HELD HIGH ABOVE ITS HEAD AS IT READIES FOR A
KILL!!!!

LEE.......

TAKES A DEEP BREATH....

AND...



SCREAMS....




LEE
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




........ ALL SOUND CUTS OUT!!!!



Time seems to slow almost to a stop as:

MARCUS’ eyes shoot open... knowing exactly what his dad is
doing...
73.


The CREATURES scramble off the truck... AND IMMEDIATELY
CHARGE FOR LEE!!!!

REGAN scrambles in the seat helplessly as she looks out at
her father mid scream...

MARCUS looks up to his sister in the truest of pain...

And then down...

CLOSE ON... THE EMERGENCY BRAKE as...

MARCUS REACHES OUT, GRABS THE BRAKE... AND RELEASES!!!!!


113 EXT. TRUCK - DAWN 113

OVER LEE as the CREATURES SPRINTS TOWARD HIM... CLOSER...
CLOSER.

IN THE BACKGROUND, the truck begins to roll down the hill.


114 INT. TRUCK - DAWN 114

THROUGH THE BACK WINDOW our frame begins to jiggle as we see
the CREATURES close in on LEE...

WE WATCH as REGAN scrambles up the seat higher and higher
desperate to see her father one last time... and then...

As the truck rolls down... OUR FRAME TILTS UP... AWAY FROM
LEE... UP THE WALL OF THE SILO...

AND INTO THE BREAKING MORNING SKY


115 INT. TRUCK - DAWN 115

TOTAL SILENCE...

OVER REGAN ONTO MARCUS as they both stare straight...

Their faces vacant as they rattle and bounce as the truck
barrels down the long driveway toward the barn.

Instinctively, MARCUS’ hands raise into frame... and grab the
wheel...

He is finally driving... as he begins to cry.
74.


116 INT. FARMHOUSE - BASEMENT - DAWN 116

CLOSE ON MONITORS... As EVELYN’s face comes into frame...

OVER HER SHOULDER TO THE MONITOR we see she is looking at...

THE TRUCK BARRELING DOWN THE HILL...


117 INT. FARMHOUSE - BATHROOM - DAWN 117

CLOSE ON LEE’s shotgun laying on the floor. Suddenly...
EVELYN’s hand comes into frame and grabs it!


118 INT. FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAWN 118

THROUGH THE LIVING ROOM WINDOW, WE LOOK OUT onto the
cornfields... and up to the silo. Suddenly... We see a tiny
pick up truck appear and rumble down the dirt road.

WE SLOWLY PULL BACK through the living room as the truck
rolls past the next window... and then the next. AS WE NOW
PULL OUT of the living room and into the front hall,
suddenly... EVELYN appears walking down the staircase, almost
vacant. She is carrying the shotgun!

WE CONTINUE TO MOVE, NOW ON EVELYN’S BACK... as she slowly
walks out the front door and down the front steps. As she
steps down to the sand path... THE PICK UP TRUCK SLOWLY
RUMBLES TO A STOP AT THE END OF THE PATH!!!

MARCUS AND REGAN pop out of the truck and run as fast as they
can into their mother’s arms!!!

EVELYN ENVELOPES HER CHILDREN WITH EVERYTHING SHE HAS!!!... A
moment she wasn’t sure she would ever get again!... then...

ON EVELYN’s face as she slowly turns her head back toward the
silo... TO SEE WHAT’S COMING...
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Lee sacrifices himself to save his children from the creatures while they escape on a truck and reunite with their mother. Evelyn grabs a shotgun and prepares for the incoming danger.
Strengths "The scene is emotional and intense, with strong character moments and a clear conflict that results in a major plot development. The use of sign language and silence is particularly effective in conveying emotions."
Weaknesses "There is a lack of detailed visual description, with some actions left unclear or only hinted at. Some viewers may find the scene formulaic or predictable."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively builds tension and emotion. The use of sign language adds a layer of complexity and depth to the scene. However, there may be a few areas where it could be improved:

- The use of all-caps and exclamation points in the dialogue may be excessive and distracting. It's important to trust the actors and director to convey the necessary emotion without relying on excessive punctuation.

- The description of the creatures "sprinting" and "charging" feels a bit generic and uninteresting. It may be more effective to give them a more unique and specific behavior or appearance.

- The final shot of Evelyn turning to face the silo feels slightly abrupt and unfulfilling. It might be more satisfying to see some indication of what she sees or what she's feeling in that moment.
Suggestions First, it would be helpful to have more context leading up to this scene to understand the characters and their motivations. Additionally, there are a few things that could be improved:

1) Increase the tension and stakes: While the creatures climbing onto the truck and the roof caving in are both tense moments, they are somewhat predictable. Consider adding a twist or element that raises the stakes even higher and makes the audience truly fear for the characters.

2) Develop the characters further: While the audience gets a sense of Lee's love for his daughter, there could be more development of his relationship with his family leading up to this scene. Similarly, Regan and Marcus could benefit from more characterization to make their reactions to their father's scream and subsequent death more impactful.

3) Use visuals to enhance the storytelling: There are many moments where the action is described rather than shown. Using visuals to show the creatures getting closer or the truck rolling down the hill would increase the impact of the scene and make it more immersive for the audience.

Overall, this scene has potential to be emotionally impactful and tense, but could benefit from further development and visual enhancements to truly capture the audience's attention.



Scene 25 - Reuniting in the Basement
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
119 INT. FARMHOUSE - BASEMENT STAIRS - DAWN 119

WE LOOK DIRECTLY up the basement stairs toward the warm
hallway at the top.

Suddenly... EVELYN steps into frame carrying MARCUS, and
rushes down the stairs and into the basement.

Then... REGAN takes a long step into frame. Her silhouette
looks down the dark stairwell.
74A.


After a moment, she slowly puts her foot down on the first
step... and nothing happens.

For a brief moment... she looks behind her... but no one
comes.
75.
Genres: ["Horror","Drama"]

Summary Regan and Marcus reunite with Evelyn in the farmhouse basement after narrowly escaping the creatures.
Strengths "The tension is palpable in this scene, with the characters reuniting after narrowly escaping danger. The use of silence is effective in emphasizing the tense atmosphere."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more dialogue or character development to further engage the audience and build upon the previous events."
Critique While the scene sets up a tense and suspenseful moment, the description lacks specific details and actions that could enhance the visual storytelling. For example, what is the emotional state of Evelyn holding Marcus as she rushes down the stairs? Does she stumble at any point? The same goes for Regan as she takes her step down the stairs. Is there any indication of fear or hesitation?

Furthermore, the use of ellipses and repetition of phrases such as "suddenly" and "then" can detract from the flow of the scene and come off as amateurish. Instead, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language that paints a vivid picture for the reader.

Overall, while the basic elements of suspense are present, the scene could use some additional attention to detail and more engaging language to bring it to life.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Increase the tension: Right now, there isn't much tension in the scene. To make it more engaging, consider adding some kind of obstacle that the characters need to overcome to get to safety. This could be a locked door, something blocking their way, or even a threat chasing them.

2. Expound on character motivations: What is driving Evelyn and Marcus to rush down the stairs? What is Regan's thought process as she hesitates on the first step? Adding a bit more detail about their motivations and emotions can make the scene more engaging and help the audience connect with the characters.

3. Use lighting and sound to create atmosphere: With a scene set in a dark basement, you have an opportunity to create a really suspenseful atmosphere. Consider using dim lighting or shadows to obscure certain parts of the frame. You could also utilize sound effects like creaking stairs or distant footsteps to heighten the tension.

4. Consider the visual blocking: As it's currently written, the scene is pretty straightforward in terms of blocking - the characters walk into frame and go down the stairs. However, there might be ways to make the scene more visually interesting. For example, you could have Regan hover at the top of the stairs for a beat before descending, or have the camera follow Evelyn and Marcus as they race down the steps.

5. Add some clues or foreshadowing: Depending on the genre and style of the film, you could consider using this scene to drop in some clues or foreshadowing for a later moment in the story. For example, maybe there's a creepy object or symbol visible in the basement that hints at something to come.



Scene 26 - The Standoff
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
120 INT. BASEMENT - DAWN 120

WE ARE ON THE STAIRS as REGAN’s feet step down into frame.

As REGAN reaches the basement floor, she pauses a moment,
still looking at her feet... and then slowly turns.

EVELYN picks the baby out from a box and grabs MARCUS tight.

We watch REGAN’s face as she enters her father’s workspace...
FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! She is stunned.

OVER REGAN as she steps down and begins to walk through the
room. Her eyes track, AS WE DID WHEN WE FIRST SAW THE ROOM,
past the TOWERING WALL OF SECURITY MONITORS... along the wall
of NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS, NOTES, AND SCIENTIFIC IMAGES. Her
eyes continue now toward her father’s WORK STATION. THROUGH
BOXES OF SALVAGED ELECTRICAL EQUIPMENT and onto... LEE’S HEAD
PHONES. REGAN picks up the head phones and follows the
wire... TO HER FATHER’S HAM RADIO. She looks down at the
knob her father used to search... and the microphone he used
to reach out. For the first time REGAN sees... REGAN
REALIZES... THIS is what her father was doing all this time.
THIS is what he was doing... FOR THEM! ON REGAN taking all
this in, when her eyes move just slightly to the side... and
she freezes.

EVELYN immediately turns and gestures to her children to
follow her behind the water heater... they must hide.

REGAN... doesn’t move. OFF HER FACE... WE BOOM DOWN SLOWLY
BEHIND the shelves of LEE’S sacred workspace... past circuit
boards... salvaged electronics and exposed wiring... and LAND
ON A SHOT DIRECTLY ACROSS LEE’S DESK... TO REGAN’s HAND...

AS REGAN reaches out, WE RACK FOCUS to... THE PILE OF HEARING
AIDS HER FATHER HAD BEEN WORKING ON ALL THIS TIME.

REGAN’S hand pushes into the pile like a shovel... and
emerges with a handful of hearing aids...

Suddenly... THE FLOORBOARDS ABOVE THEM CREAK!!!

MARCUS and EVELYN look up. REGAN... does not... Because she
can’t hear it.

EVELYN immediately grabs MARCUS and heads for the water and
oil tanks. She sits MARCUS down safely... and then places
THE BABY IN HIS ARMS... and turns.

MARCUS takes in his new sibling for the first time.

OVER REGAN, COMING INTO FOCUS... is EVELYN, still carrying
the shotgun. She kneels by her daughter’s side.
76.


EVELYN (SIGNING)
We have to hide, my love.

REGAN slowly turns to her mother... and shows her the hearing
aids.

EVELYN looks down at her daughter who for the first time...
is weeping... our tough warrior princess, in this moment...
is still just a little girl.

EVELYN stares into the pained eyes of her little girl when
suddenly... REGAN’s eyes begin to rise... higher... and
higher above EVELYN.

WE CUT TO EVELYN TO SEE...

A LARGE SHADOW RISES UP BEHIND HER!!!!

EVELYN seeing REGAN’s eyes rise... just knows.

In one swift motion EVELYN suddenly springs up... and aims
the shotgun directly at the CREATURE.

WE CUT WIDE to see... and hear, the room... is totally still.

For the rest of this scene...Like the greatest of westerns,
we are in the most epic... of standoffs. Time... stands
still. Air... doesn’t move. Tension... is dripping from the
walls.

ON REGAN... holding her breath... just stares

ON MARCUS... frozen behind the water tank... just stares.

ON EVELYN... arm outstretched, with weapon ready... just
stares.

ON THE CREATURE... SLOWLY OPENING ITS PLATES!!!!

As the monitors once again... go fuzzy.... Each of the humans
can only watch as these small plates open with the suction of
anatomical goo...

They can only watch as the plates crackle ever so slightly...
as they turn... and search...

...for the sound that will end it all.

CLOSE on sweat dripping down from MARCUS’s forehead. TRACKING
DOWN MARCUS’ face, we see the inevitable path his sweat will
take until we leave his face and arrive on... The baby.

CLOSE ON EVELYN’s arm... as it begins to quiver...
77.


CLOSE ON EVELYN’S eyes as her brain makes the realization...
she can’t hold this gun much longer...

CLOSE ON THE CREATURE... as it opens more... and more plates!

CLOSE ON REGAN, her eyes begin to search the room... her
father’s room looking for something... ANYTHING!

REGAN’s POV as her eyes search the room... search the wall...
search the boards. Finally her eyes land on one specific
thing on her father’s board... She sees the phrase...

‘WEAPON??’.
Suddenly...

REGAN... reaches up to touch her mother’s arm.

EVELYN looks down at REGAN...

REGAN gently shakes her head then gently touches EVELYN’s
arm... and slowly lowers the gun.

EVELYN looks down at her daughter... her eyes begin to well
up... this is it... This is the end.

EVELYN slowly reaches out to take REGAN’s hand. As REGAN’s
hand begins to clasp into hers... SHE STOPS...

EVELYN looks down to see REGAN slowly pull her hand away...
and open it up. There in the palm of REGAN’s hand... are
hearing aids.

REGAN slowly turns to her father’s work bench to see the pile
of hearing aids her father... made... sitting just in front
of the microphone of the HAM RADIO.

REGAN looks back up to the board at the phrase...
“WEAPON??”.

REGAN looks to the creature still searching the room for
sound.

REGAN raises her hand to her ear... AND TURNS HER FATHER’S
HEARING AID BACK ON!

Immediately.... THE EXCRUCIATING BEEEEEEEP FLOODS OUR WORLD!

Suddenly THE CREATURE... STOPS! IT’S PLATES... SNAP SHUT OUT
OF PROTECTION!!!!!!

REGAN looks on as the CREATURE SCRAMBLES BACK IN OBVIOUS
PAIN!
78.


After a moment REGAN... SWITCHES THE HEARING AID OFF!

...SILENCE...

EVELYN looks down at her daughter...

REGAN... slowly moves her hand across her father’s workbench
to... THE HEADPHONES.

THE CREATURE... NOW SCREEEEEEEEEEEECHES!!!!... slowly gets
back to it’s feet ... AND TURNS DIRECTLY TOWARD REGAN!!!

REGAN’s fingers travel up the black cord of her father’s
headphones to... THE HAM RADIO! Suddenly REGAN unplugs the
headphones from the HAM RADIO as we hear... A POP OF FEEDBACK
FROM THE NOW OPEN SPEAKER!!!!

THE CREATURE.... SCREEEEEEEEEECHES... AND MOVES FOR REGAN!

Just then...
Genres: ["Horror","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Regan and Evelyn must face off against a creature in the basement, using Lee's hearing aids to their advantage.
Strengths
  • Intense suspense and tension
  • Creative use of Lee's inventions
  • Revealing of Regan's emotional vulnerability
Weaknesses
  • Lack of dialogue
Critique The scene is well written with strong visual descriptions that create a vivid image for the reader. The pacing and tension build up effectively, leading to the stand-off between the humans and the creature. The use of sound, or lack thereof, adds to the suspense of the scene.

One possible critique is that the revelation that the hearing aids can be used as a weapon feels somewhat sudden and contrived. While the concept is intriguing, it could be better integrated into the earlier parts of the script to set up the payoff later on.

Overall, the scene is engaging and well written, with strong visuals and tension building.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more description to the creature and its movements. As it is, the creature is not clearly described and its actions lack specificity, particularly during the standoff. Adding more detail to the creature's appearance, movements and behavior would heighten the tension and suspense of the scene.

Another suggestion would be to increase the emotional stakes for the characters. While there are moments of tension and fear, the scene could benefit from a stronger emotional throughline, such as a character being in direct danger or a deeper exploration of the emotional repercussions of the situation.

Additionally, the dialogue could be sharpened to better reflect each character's unique perspective and motivations. For example, more emphasis could be placed on Regan's realization of her father's intentions and her decision to take action, or the conflicted feelings that Evelyn must grapple with as she faces off against the creature. By doing so, the dialogue would feel more organic and add depth to the scene.



Scene 27 - The Final Standoff
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
WE ARE ON MARCUS who’s sweat has indeed made it to his
chin... THEN FALLS.

WE FOLLOW THE SWEAT... AS IT HITS THE BABY... THE BABY BEGINS
TO CRY!!!!

THE CREATURE SUDDENLY WHIRLS AWAY FROM REGAN TOWARD THE TANKS

TIME SLOWS DOWN....

ALL IN ONE MOMENT....

- REGAN reaches her hand up to her ear... AND REMOVES THE
HEARING AID HER FATHER MADE HER

- THE CREATURE REARS UP TO STRIKE THE WATER TANK!

And in that exact moment, REGAN... EXTENDS HER ARM...

..... WE WATCH AS REGAN PLACES HER HEARING AID...

..... ONTO THE MICROPHONE!!!!

CLOSE on the HAM RADIO SPEAKER....

AS THE BRAIN PIERCING BEEEEEEP BLARES OUT!!!!!

With the sound now HUGELY more powerful and piercing we see:

THE CREATURE suddenly...SHOOTS UP DEAD STRAIGHT... ONCE AGAIN
IT’S PLATES SNAP SHUT!!!... IT’S HEAD POINTED TO THE
CEILING... IT’S BODY QUAKES! TENSE... WITH AGONY!!!
79.


ON REGAN as her face... DOESN’T CHANGE... SHE IS SAFE NOW
THAT SHE ISN’T WEARING THE HEARING AIDS.

CLOSE ON THE CREATURE... AS EVERY PLATE ON ITS BODY CLENCHES
TIGHTER... TIGHTER... ALMOST DIGGING INTO THE CREATURE’S OWN
SKIN. And then... THEY BEGIN TO SHAKE!

THE CREATURE SCREEEEEEEEEECHES ONCE MORE IN PAIN AS IT NOW
FALLS BACKWARD TO THE FLOOR!!!

The plates... SHAKE MORE VIOLENTLY NOW... and that creates a
sound. Something between that of a cicada right next to your
ear... and the sound of a house fan’s blade rubbing against
the cage its enclosed in, the sound... IS AWFUL!

Just then... A POPPING SOUND. And then another... as the
frequency of the sound short circuits the plates to the point
that they... BEGIN TO POP OPEN... AND THEN GIVE WAY!!!

As plates now begin to go limp, for the first time... WE SEE
INSIDE OF THE CREATURE!!! A VAST AND COMPLEX SYSTEM OF HOLES
AND CHAMBERS THAT CAVITATE SOUND!

THE CREATURE CONTINUES TO SCURRY BACKWARD THROUGH THE ROOM TO
THE DARK CORNER AT THE BACK REACHING FOR SOMETHING...
ANYTHING TO STOP THIS SOUND... THIS PAIN!

AS IT REACHES THE BACK WALL IT SUDDENLY STOPS. PLATES HANG
LIKE LIMP PETALS OF A FLOWER... AS BLACK FLUID BEGINS TO
TRICKLE OUT...

REGAN... TURNS OFF THE HEARING AID...

... SILENCE....
The only sound that can be heard is the CREATURE’S inner
anatomy as it rises and slowly falls... as if gasping for
life...

EVELYN and REGAN look over to the water tanks... AS MARCUS
SLOWLY STANDS UP... HOLDING THE BABY

EVELYN takes one step toward him when...

THE CREATURE LEAPS OUT OF THE DARK... AND LAUNCHES, ARM
EXTENDED TOWARD REGAN!!!

ON THE CREATURE.... BEHIND THE LIMP PLATES WE NOW SEE THE
DISGUSTING FACE OF THE CREATURE. LARGE, BLACK... AND LONG
AGO EVOLVED AWAY... EYE SOCKETS ARE THE LAST THING WE SEE AS
THE CREATURE LETS OUT A NOW DISTORTED AND THUS MORE
HORRIFYING SCREECH!!!!
80.


ON REGAN... AS HER EYES CLOSE.... SHE’S READY....

When suddenly...

EVELYN STEPS INTO FRAME........... SHOTGUN RAISED...




BLAM!!!
THE CREATURE’S HEAD...... EXPLODES.....

...Silence...

REGAN and EVELYN look to the CARCUS at they’re feet....
DEAD!
After a long moment... from outside, off in the distance...
we hear a muffled... SCREEEEEEECH.

And then... ANOTHER... AND ANOTHER... The other creatures....
HEARD THE SHOT!....

REGAN and EVELYN slowly look to the monitors... as their
images once again flicker to life. On each of the
monitors... a quiet, undisturbed landscape....

Then suddenly in one of the monitors off in the left
corner... A CLAW STEPS INTO FRAME!!!!

In another monitor... A SHADOW FLASHES PAST THE SCREEN.

Then another monitor... ANOTHER CREATURE... AND ANOTHER...
AND ANOTHER... THE CREATURES ARE RACING TOWARD THE
FARMHOUSE!!!

EVELYN slowly turns... and looks down at her daughter.

REGAN looks up at her mother for a long moment and then
reaches out her hand to the knob of the HAM RADIO..........
AND TURNS THE VOLUME UP ALL THE WAY!

EVELYN’s face... changes... as she raises the shot gun into
frame........

AND COCKS IT!!!!
81.



BLACK

BEGIN CREDITS.....
Genres: ["horror","action","survival"]

Summary Regan and Evelyn use Lee's hearing aids to defeat the creature in the basement and reunite with Marcus and the baby. However, they soon realize they are under attack by more creatures outside and prepare for a final standoff.
Strengths "Engaging action sequence with high stakes and tension, strong character development and motivations, perfect setup for a sequel or franchise, gruesome and visually stunning creature design."
Weaknesses "Some unexplained details and inconsistencies in the world-building, occasional cheesy dialogue moments that slightly disrupt the tone."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with strong visual storytelling. The use of slow motion, close-ups, and description of sound create a cinematic experience for the reader. The characters' actions and reactions are also clear and believably motivated. However, the scene could benefit from some minor adjustments to improve clarity. For example, it is not immediately clear how Regan's hearing aid affects the creature's plates, which could be explained more explicitly. Additionally, the sudden appearance of other creatures at the end could be foreshadowed or set up earlier in the scene. Despite these minor issues, the scene effectively builds tension and excitement, and would translate well to the screen with the right execution.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Show more emotion from Regan and Evelyn. They have just defeated a terrifying creature, and the audience needs to feel the relief and triumph they feel. This could be done through more facial expressions, body language, and dialogue.

2. Clarify some of the action. Some of the moments are described in a confusing way, such as the creature scurrying backwards and reaching for something. It is unclear what it is doing or why it matters. This could be made more clear through better description or dialogue.

3. Simplify the sound descriptions. There are a lot of different sounds described in the scene and they can be overwhelming for the reader. It might be more effective to focus on just a few key sounds that are most impactful.

4. Increase tension in the final moments. The scene builds to a climactic moment where the other creatures are approaching the farmhouse. To make this more tense, it could be helpful to show more shots of the creatures getting closer and closer, and to have dialogue from Regan and Evelyn that shows their fear and determination.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

Regan

Regan is a guilt-ridden and introspective young girl who struggles with the loss of her father, her disability, and her desire for independence. She is resourceful, brave, and determined, but also emotional and vulnerable. Over the course of the movie, she grows significantly and gains confidence in her abilities while reconciling with her family.



Evelyn

Evelyn is a fiercely protective mother who is resourceful and resilient. She is heavily pregnant and facing the harsh realities of a world overrun by deadly creatures. Despite this, she remains attentive to her family and tries her best to provide comfort and normalcy for them. She is haunted by the memories of her deceased son, Beau, but refuses to let it break her. She is meticulous, creative, and deeply emotional.



Lee

Lee is a loving and protective father who is deeply affected by the loss of his son. He is emotionally broken but stoic and is constantly struggling with fear, anxiety, guilt, and grief. He is a skilled inventor and survivalist who cares deeply for his family and is devoted to keeping them safe against the deadly creatures that hunt by sound. Lee is determined and resourceful, seeking answers and hope in a world overrun by danger and desperation. He communicates primarily through sign language and expresses his love for them in poignant moments. He is pragmatic, wise, conflicted, and willing to do anything to protect his family.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
Regan Regan's character arc begins with her feeling guilty for her father's death. She struggles with this guilt and how it affects her relationship with her brother. As she searches for something in the farmhouse, she becomes more determined and cautious, showing her resourcefulness. However, her frustrations with her disability and lack of independence lead her to seek validation and love from her family. Eventually, she gains the ability to hear with her new hearing aid, which she uses to become more independent and to protect her family. She grows into a fierce and resourceful fighter like her father, but also reconciles with her emotions and her family. The character arc is well-developed and realistic, but it could benefit from more specific examples of Regan's growth and how it relates to her disability. Additionally, her relationship with her brother could be explored further as it is a significant part of her character and motivation. To improve the character arc, more scenes could be added that show Regan's growth and progress in her independence and resourcefulness. This could also include her relationship with her brother, allowing for a deeper exploration of her character motivation. Additionally, exploring how her disability both hinders and aids her in her journey could add depth to her character and arc.
Evelyn Throughout the movie, Evelyn transforms from a vulnerable but determined mother to a fierce and unstoppable force, willing to do whatever it takes to protect her family. Her traumatic experiences force her to become adaptive and resourceful, using everything at her disposal to stay alive and fend off the creatures. Her emotional wounds run deep, but the birth of her new baby gives her a renewed sense of hope and motivation. By the end of the movie, she has fully embraced her role as a protector and is willing to face off against the creatures with a shotgun to keep her family safe. Overall, Evelyn's character arc is strong and compelling, but it could benefit from more depth and nuance. While she undergoes significant transformation, her emotional journey is not always fully explored. The movie mainly focuses on her physical prowess and survival skills, neglecting her internal struggle and emotional growth. Additionally, her relationship with her husband, Lee, could be further developed and explored to add more layers to her character. To improve Evelyn's character arc, the movie could delve deeper into her emotional journey and the trauma of losing her son. This could add more complexity to her motivations and decision-making throughout the movie. Additionally, her relationship with Lee could be explored further, highlighting the strengths and weaknesses of their partnership. Finally, giving her more agency and decision-making power would make her evolution more impactful and satisfying for the audience.
Lee Lee's character arc involves transforming from an emotionally broken but stoic character into a selfless and intelligent father who sacrifices himself for his family's survival. He starts off struggling with fear, anxiety, and grief, but he gradually becomes a protector at a moment's notice. He is determined to keep his family safe, especially with the hearing aid, and seeks solutions to their problems. He learns from his past mistakes and seeks redemption by taking risks and making sacrifices. Lee's ultimate sacrifice leaves a memorable impact on the story and characters, showing his growth from a broken survivor to a selfless hero. Overall, Lee's character is well-developed, with clear motivations and emotions. However, his arc may benefit from more subtlety and nuance, particularly in the earlier stages of his transformation. Additionally, his relationships with the other characters could be further explored, especially with his wife and daughter. Finally, some of his motivations and actions could be made more explicit, as certain choices may appear abrupt or undermotivated. To improve Lee's arc, consider adding more moments of vulnerability, introspection, and development earlier on in the story. For example, exploring his relationship with his wife and daughter, his past traumas and regrets, or his hopes for the future. Additionally, try to make his motivations and choices more explicit, either through dialogue or actions. Finally, consider adding more moments of tension and conflict surrounding his protective instincts, especially when they clash with other characters' goals or morals. This could deepen his character and provide more complexity to his arc.

Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

A Quiet Place is a gripping and suspenseful thriller with a strong emotional core. Its masterful use of silence, sound design, and creature design create a truly terrifying experience. While some aspects of character development and backstory could be further explored, the screenplay's strengths far outweigh its weaknesses, making it a highly recommendable and unique project.

Strengths
  • Masterful use of silence and sound design to create tension and suspense. high
  • Strong emotional core centered around family and the lengths they will go to protect each other. high ( Scene 1  Scene 10  Scene 79  )
  • Unique and terrifying creature design that is both visually striking and conceptually original. high
  • Resourceful and intelligent characters who use their ingenuity to survive in a hostile environment. medium ( Scene 26  Scene 38  )
  • Effective use of contrasting settings, such as the serene waterfall and the terrifying woods, to enhance the emotional impact of scenes. medium ( Scene 39  Scene 46  )
Areas of Improvement
  • Limited character backstories and exploration of the world before the invasion could enrich the narrative. medium
  • Regan's character arc, particularly her resentment towards her father, could be further developed and resolved more explicitly. medium ( Scene 35  Scene 38  )
  • The pacing in the middle of the screenplay could be tightened to maintain momentum. low ( Scene 23  Scene 52  )
MissingElements
  • The origin and motivation of the creatures are not explored, which may leave some viewers wanting more context. low
NotablePoints
  • The use of Neil Young's 'Harvest Moon' as a recurring motif adds a layer of emotional depth and symbolism. medium ( Scene 27  )
  • The soundproofing and DIY solutions employed by the family showcase their creativity and determination. medium ( Scene 17  Scene 75  )

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

A Quiet Place is a gripping and well-crafted horror/thriller screenplay that delivers a tense, suspenseful narrative with a strong emotional core. The screenplay excels at world-building, character development, and crafting intense, memorable set pieces. While there are a few areas that could be further developed, the overall screenplay is a compelling and audience-friendly read that showcases the writers' strong storytelling abilities. The use of sound as both a plot device and a means of building tension is a particularly noteworthy strength. With its blend of horror, family drama, and ingenious problem-solving, A Quiet Place offers a unique and engaging cinematic experience.

Strengths
  • The detailed, sensory-rich depiction of the Abbotts' safe room and their makeshift home creates a vivid, immersive world that grounds the audience in the characters' daily reality. high ( Scene 5 (17)   )
  • The tense, suspenseful sequences at the river and the waterfall showcase the screenplay's excellent pacing and ability to build tension through silence and sparse dialogue. high ( Scene 9 (43)   Scene 10 (46)   )
  • Regan's discovery of her father's workspace and his efforts to communicate with the outside world is a powerful moment that deepens her character and provides insight into the central conflict. medium ( Scene 26 (120)   )
  • The climactic sequence in the basement, where Regan uses her father's hearing aid modifications to defeat the creature, is an ingenious and satisfying resolution to the central narrative. high ( Scene 27 (N/A)   )
  • The scene depicting the aftermath of the attack on the truck, with Lee's heartbreaking realization and final act of love, is an emotionally powerful and impactful moment. high ( Scene 21 (79)   )
Areas of Improvement
  • The introduction of Regan's hearing aid could be further developed to establish its significance and foreshadow its importance in the climax. medium ( Scene 3 (4)   )
  • The scene in Evelyn's son's room could be expanded to provide more insight into her emotional state and the trauma she has experienced. medium ( Scene 12 (48)   )
  • The family's scavenging and resourcefulness in the general store could be further highlighted to demonstrate their resilience and adaptability. low ( Scene 2 (6)   )
MissingElements
  • Additional backstory or flashbacks could be incorporated to provide more context on the family's life before the invasion and the loss of their youngest child. medium ( Scene N/A (N/A)   )
  • Exploring the larger world and the global impact of the alien invasion could add additional depth and scope to the narrative. medium ( Scene N/A (N/A)   )
NotablePoints
  • The striking visual contrast between the serene beach and the cornfield is a memorable and impactful opening that immediately establishes the tone and setting. high ( Scene 11 (46)   )
  • The encounter with the disturbing, emotionally damaged man in the woods is a chilling and unsettling moment that adds to the film's sense of dread and isolation. medium ( Scene 15 (57)   )
  • The innovative use of sound and the hearing aid technology as a weapon against the creatures is a clever and satisfying narrative resolution. high ( Scene 27 (N/A)   )