Get Out

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Drama, Thriller, Mystery, Comedy, Horror, Romance, Psychological Thriller, Romantic Comedy, Psychological

Setting: Present day, Suburban neighborhood, city apartment, countryside, Armitage estate

Overview: Chris, a young and talented photographer, is invited to a seemingly idyllic family gathering at his girlfriend's parents' estate but becomes increasingly suspicious of their motives when strange and unsettling incidents begin to unfold. As Chris delves deeper into the family's secrets, he finds himself entangled in a web of psychological manipulation and racial tensions. Through a series of disturbing encounters, Chris's sanity and identity are put to the test, leading to a thrilling climax that exposes the dark truths lurking beneath the surface.

Themes: Racial Tension and Discrimination, Identity and Self, Love and Relationships, Manipulation and Control

Conflict and Stakes: Chris's struggle to escape from the Armitage family's clutches and expose their dark secret, while protecting himself and his loved ones

Overall Mood: Psychological horror with a satirical edge

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: A horror movie with a strong social commentary on race and power dynamics
  • Plot Twist: The seemingly friendly white family is revealed to be a cult that manipulates and controls black people
  • Distinctive Setting: The isolated Armitage estate, where the horrors unfold

Comparable Scripts:

  • The Stepford Wives
  • Get Out
  • Rosemary's Baby
  • The Skeleton Key
  • The Visit
  • The Handmaid's Tale

Writing Style:

The writing style in this screenplay is characterized by a blend of suspenseful storytelling, sharp dialogue, and exploration of complex themes such as race, identity, and social dynamics. The narrative is engaging and thought-provoking, with a strong emphasis on character development and interpersonal relationships.

Style Similarities:

  • Jordan Peele
  • Greta Gerwig
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Recommend


Explanation: Overall, 'Get Out' is a well-crafted and engaging screenplay that effectively combines elements of horror, social commentary, and psychological thriller. Its strengths lie in its complex characters, consistent tone and atmosphere, and the use of symbolism and foreshadowing to create a sense of unease and anticipation. While there are some areas where the screenplay could be further improved, such as the pacing of certain scenes and the development of some supporting characters, these do not significantly detract from the overall impact of the narrative. With its compelling story, well-written dialogue, and thought-provoking themes, 'Get Out' is a screenplay that is both entertaining and intellectually stimulating.


USP: Experience a thrilling and suspenseful journey into the heart of racial tension and psychological manipulation in this innovative script. With its unique blend of humor, drama, and horror, the story follows Chris, a young black photographer, as he navigates the twisted world of Rose's wealthy and mysterious family. Featuring sharp dialogue, intricate character dynamics, and unexpected plot twists, this script delves deep into themes of race, identity, and power, offering a fresh and thought-provoking take on the genre. Prepare to be captivated by the authentic and engaging voice of the writer, who masterfully builds a sense of unease and anticipation, keeping you on the edge of your seat from beginning to end.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$10-15 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 18-49, fans of horror, thriller, and social commentary

Marketability: Unique blend of horror, thriller, and social commentary, with a diverse cast and a gripping storyline

Compelling characters and a gripping storyline, relevant social themes, and a fresh take on the horror genre

Highly marketable due to its originality, strong appeal to a wide audience, and potential for award nominations

Profit Potential: High, due to strong appeal to a wide adult audience and potential for award nominations

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by sharp and witty dialogue, detailed scene descriptions that create tension and suspense, and a focus on building a sense of mystery and danger.

Best representation: Scene 13 - A Nighttime Conversation on Heightened Suggestibility and Memory. This scene is the best representation because it effectively establishes the tone and atmosphere of the story while building tension and intrigue.

Memorable Lines:

  • Jeremy: Your thith-ter bit my fuckin’ thongue off!!!! (Scene 11)
  • Dean: I thought the whole thing was bull shit too. I smoked for 15 years. She puts me under once, now the sight one makes me wanna vomit. (Scene 10)
  • Dean: We hug around here, my Man. Call me Dean. (Scene 6)
  • Jim: I could give two shits about race. I don’t care if you’re black, brown, green, purple... whatever. People are people. What I want is deeper: Your eye, man. I want those things you see through. (Scene 39)
  • Chris: I had some fucked up dreams. (Scene 18)
Characters

Chris Washington:24-year-old talented photographer, African-American, in a relationship with Rose

Rose Armitage:Caucasian woman, Chris's girlfriend, from a wealthy family with a dark secret

Dean Armitage:Rose's father, neurosurgeon, seemingly friendly but has a hidden agenda

Missy Armitage:Rose's mother, psychiatrist, manipulative and controlling

Rod Williams:Chris's friend, TSA agent, helps Chris uncover the truth about the Armitage family

Story Shape
Summary In a dramatic and intense climax, Chris fights for his freedom in a deadly struggle against the Armitage family. The scene is fraught with tension and violence as Chris uncovers the sinister truth behind the Coagula procedure and the family's dark secrets. With shocking revelations, harrowing confrontations, and a desperate bid for survival, Chris faces his ultimate challenge as he fights to escape the twisted clutches of those who seek to control him. The scene culminates in a heart-pounding finale as Chris confronts his tormentors and takes a stand against the forces of evil that threaten his very existence, leaving a trail of devastation and despair in his wake.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay has a compelling and suspenseful plot that keeps the audience engaged throughout. The story unfolds gradually, revealing layers of mystery and intrigue that culminate in a thrilling climax. The character development is strong, with each character having a distinct arc and contributing to the overall narrative. The themes of race, identity, and manipulation are effectively explored, adding depth to the story. However, some plot points could be further developed to enhance the overall impact of the screenplay. The pacing at times feels rushed, with certain scenes lacking sufficient build-up or resolution. Additionally, the resolution of the story could be more satisfying and conclusive, leaving some loose ends that may leave the audience wanting more.
Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, consider refining the pacing to allow for more tension and suspense to build gradually. Develop certain plot points further to provide a more satisfying resolution for the audience. Strengthen the thematic elements by delving deeper into the complexities of race, identity, and manipulation. Additionally, consider adding more depth to the character relationships and interactions to enhance the emotional impact of the story.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The beginning of the screenplay sets up the premise effectively, introducing the main characters and establishing the central conflict. The initial scenes create a sense of mystery and tension, drawing the audience into the story. The character dynamics are intriguing, with clear motivations and goals driving the narrative forward. However, the pacing in the beginning could be smoother, with some scenes feeling rushed or lacking sufficient development. The exposition could be more evenly distributed to provide a stronger foundation for the rest of the story.
Suggestions: To improve the beginning of the screenplay, consider refining the pacing to allow for a more gradual introduction of the central conflict and characters. Develop the exposition to provide a clearer understanding of the world and the characters' backgrounds. Strengthen the character dynamics and relationships to create a more engaging and immersive opening for the audience.
Middle The middle part of the screenplay delves deeper into the characters' motivations and relationships, adding layers of complexity to the story. The tension and suspense continue to build, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding mystery. The character arcs are further developed, revealing new dimensions to each character and their roles in the narrative. However, the pacing in the middle section could be more consistent, with some scenes feeling repetitive or lacking in momentum. Certain plot points could be streamlined to maintain the audience's engagement and drive the story forward.
Suggestions: To improve the middle part of the screenplay, consider tightening the pacing to maintain a consistent level of tension and suspense. Streamline certain plot points to avoid repetition and keep the narrative moving forward. Focus on further developing the character arcs and relationships to add depth and complexity to the story. Introduce new twists and turns to keep the audience guessing and engaged in the unfolding mystery.
Ending The ending of the screenplay delivers a satisfying and intense climax, resolving the central conflict in a dramatic and impactful way. The character arcs come to a compelling conclusion, with each character undergoing significant growth and transformation. The themes of identity, manipulation, and justice are effectively explored, adding depth and resonance to the resolution. However, the ending could benefit from a more conclusive and definitive resolution, tying up loose ends and providing a clearer sense of closure for the audience. Some plot points may feel rushed or underdeveloped, impacting the overall impact of the conclusion.
Suggestions: To improve the ending of the screenplay, consider refining the resolution to provide a more conclusive and satisfying ending for the audience. Tie up loose ends and clarify any lingering questions or uncertainties to create a stronger sense of closure. Develop the final moments to deliver a more impactful and resonant conclusion, leaving the audience with a lasting impression. Strengthen the thematic elements in the resolution to reinforce the central themes of the story and provide a deeper emotional resonance for the audience.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - Kidnapping in the Suburbs and a Photographer's Morning Suspenseful, Dark, Mysterious 9 9 99 8 787999999 89888
2 - Morning Jitters and Meeting the Parents Playful, Sarcastic, Lighthearted 8 8 79 9 587382576 99888
3 - Road Trip Begins with a Hint of Tension Light-hearted, Playful, Romantic 8 8 78 9 587473676 89888
4 - Friendly Teasing and Playful Tickles: Chris, Rose, and Rod at the Airport Humorous, Light-hearted, Playful 8 8 79 9 687766877 99888
5 - Car Collision with a Deer: An Encounter with the Police Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic, Confrontational 8 8 78 8 687887777 79988
6 - Warm Welcome at the Armitage Estate Awkward, Warm, Playful 8 8 79 9 687675777 89888
7 - Warm Welcome to the Armitage Home Light-hearted, Playful, Eccentric 8 7 78 8 587675777 98899
8 - Exploring the Past: Intimate Moments and Family History Playful, Nostalgic, Intimate 8 8 78 9 687473678 89888
9 - Exploring the Armitage House Light-hearted, Reflective, Informative 8 8 77 9 687776786 89988
10 - A Sunny Afternoon of Tea and Revelations Heartwarming, Awkward, Light-hearted, Tense 8 8 79 9 787676778 89888
11 - Jeremy's Drunken Outburst at Dinner Humorous, Light-hearted, Embarrassing 8 8 79 9 587573677 89888
12 - Intimate Moment in Rose's Bedroom: Navigating Family Dynamics and Building a Future Together Playful, Intimate, Worried 8 8 79 9 787666778 89888
13 - Chris's Late Night Sneak and Conversation with Missy Suspenseful, Tense, Mysterious, Intense 8 8 79 8 687887787 79988
14 - A Nighttime Conversation on Heightened Suggestibility and Memory Intense, Suspenseful, Intriguing 8 9 79 8 787777887 99888
15 - Chris' Fear and Reluctance to Seek Help Tense, Introspective, Emotional 8 9 79 9 787685779 89888
16 - Chris's Overwhelming Guilt and Fear Terror, Intense, Emotional 9 9 89 9 887878889 89888
17 - Chris' Unease Grows as He Confronts the Strange Behavior of the Armitage Family Suspenseful, Chilling, Mysterious, Intense, Emotional 9 9 89 9 887889889 89988
18 - Chris's Hypnosis and Walter's Hostility Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Tense 8 8 77 8 787777878 99988
19 - Chris Learns Golf at a Backyard Party Light-hearted, Friendly, Humorous 8 7 77 8 587473766 89898
20 - Awkward Conversations and Uncomfortable Advances at the Garden Party Awkward, Confrontational, Light-hearted 8 8 79 9 687776777 89888
21 - Disappointment at the Armitage Party Tense, Suspenseful, Mysterious, Unsettling 8 8 79 8 687777886 79988
22 - Chris's Discomfort at the Templar Gathering Tense, Formal, Celebratory 8 8 79 8 587676876 79988
23 - Chris's Contemplative Encounter with a Blind Art Dealer Introspective, Melancholic, Irony, Sympathetic 8 8 79 9 687463577 89888
24 - Chris's Showstopping Play and Unexpected Exit Light-hearted, Playful, Competitive 8 7 78 8 587473676 79989
25 - The Unplugged Phone Incident Tense, Suspenseful, Confrontational 8 7 88 9 687887887 79988
26 - Chris's Unease and Georgina's Entrance Suspenseful, Eerie, Tense, Darkly Humorous 8 8 79 8 787787887 99888
27 - Chris' Uncomfortable Introduction to Dean's Acquaintances and an Unexpected Transformation Tense, Unsettling, Intense, Dramatic 9 8 98 8 787998998 79888
28 - Tense Aftermath and Uneasy Recovery Tense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 8 7 89 7 787978988 79988
29 - A Tense Conversation and an Uneasy Auction Intense, Emotional, Suspenseful 8 8 89 8 887989889 79888
30 - A Bittersweet Auction & Intimate Revelation Emotional, Reflective, Intimate 9 8 88 9 897676779 99888
31 - Unraveling Logan/Andre's Identity Suspenseful, Tense, Mysterious, Dramatic 8 8 79 8 787978887 79888
32 - Chris's Discovery in Rose's Closet Suspenseful, Intense, Mysterious, Emotional 8 8 78 8 787787799 79888
33 - Chris's Escape Thwarted: A Tense Night Tense, Mysterious, Intense 8 8 79 8 787999888 79888
34 - Chris's Disorienting Descent and Encounter with the Antlered Creature Terror, Anxiety, Confusion 9 9 89 7 887889789 69988
35 - Rod's Worries and Chris's Kidnapping Anxious, Suspenseful, Terrifying, Mysterious 9 9 99 8 787999898 79888
36 - TSA Agent Reports Friend's Disappearance to Skeptical Detective Suspenseful, Serious, Intense 9 9 99 8 787989988 89888
37 - Rod's Suspicions and Chris' Paranoia Suspenseful, Intense, Emotional, Confrontational 9 8 99 8 887989999 89988
38 - Roman Armitage's Introduction and the Coagula Procedure Explanation Menacing, Sinister, Mysterious, Foreboding 9 9 89 7 687889987 69888
39 - Jim Hudson Explains Brain Transplantation Procedure to Chris Menacing, Intense, Sinister, Revealing 9 9 89 8 787989988 79988
40 - Violent Outbursts and Escalating Conflicts Intense, Suspenseful, Violent, Dark 9 8 99 8 887989999 79988
41 - Chris's Escape and Georgina's Tragic Accident Intense, Suspenseful, Dramatic 9 8 99 8 7879810988 79978
42 - Escape from the Armitage House: A Night of Despair and Violence Intense, Suspenseful, Dark, Emotional, Shocking 9 8 99 8 887989999 89988


Scene 1 - Kidnapping in the Suburbs and a Photographer's Morning
EXT. SUBURBAN - NIGHT

ANDRE, 29, an African-American man walks down the sidewalk
talking on his phone.

ANDRE
Hey. I’m trying to figure out what
kind of sick individual would name
a street Evergreen Way a half a
mile from and “Evergreen Lane.”

CRYSTAL (O.S.)
Oh shit. You’re at Evergreen Lane?

ANDRE
Took me long enough to figure that
shit out too. Now I’m walking
through creepy confusing-ass
suburbs.

They laugh

ANDRE (CONT’D)
I’m serious though. I’m out here
like a sore thumb and shit.

CRYSTAL (O.S.)
Stay put; we’ll come get you.

ANDRE
No, I’m like 10 minutes away now.
I’m good. I need a drink, but I’m
good.

CRYSTAL
Okay. Sorry baby. I’ll make it up
to you.

ANDRE
I’m gonna hold you to that, too.
See you in a minute.

Andre hangs up.
2.


Andre stops. He looks down the street behind him. It’s dark
and empty. Andre looks up the street in front of him; A
vintage creme-colored Porsche with tinted windows and a roof
passes him.

A dog barks.

The car does a u-turn behind him. It now CREEPS up on the
street behind Andre. It’s following him.


INT. SPORTS CAR - CONTINUOUS

Drivers’s POV watching Andre. His BREATH ECHOES deep and
tinny as if were into a coffee can. Through the car’s system
we hear the song “Run Rabbit Run.”


EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - CONTINUOUS

Andre, feeling followed, stops and turns. The car stops. He
waves at the unseen DRIVER obscured by reflection of the
streetlight on the windshield. There is no response. The
ENGINE PURRS. The song “Run Rabbit Run” is playing from
inside.

Andre peers through the windshield but can’t see through the
reflection of the street lamp.

Nothing. Sketchy. Andre resumes walking; the car follows
suit...

ANDRE
(under his breath)
This is some shit right here...

After a beat of walking.

ANDRE (CONT’D)
Nope.

Andre turns around and begins walking in the other direction.

ANDRE (CONT’D)
(to himself)
Yo.


INT. SPORTS CAR - CONTINUOUS

Driver’s POV. Andre walks.
3.




EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - CONTINUOUS

Andre hears the song “Run Rabbit Run” more clearly now. Andre
turns back to the car it’s sitting in the street where he
left it. He walks into the street and peers to get a better
angle. The driver’s side car door is open.

ANDRE
What the fuck?

Andre turns back to the curb and the DRIVER, in a black
knight’s helmet, steps towards him and quickly wraps him up
in a rear naked choke hold. Andre struggles but soon passes
out. The phone drops to the floor. HE is dragged to the trunk
of the car.


The driver plops Andre in the padded trunk. He gets in his
car and drives off.


TITLE CARD:



“Get Out”
4.


EXT. CITY- DAWN

The sun rises over the city. Autumn. Beautiful.


INT. CITY APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - MORNING

We move slowly through the small but clean apartment. The
walls are decorated with striking urban photography. A SHOWER
RUNS.


INT. CITY APARTMENT - BATHROOM - MORNING

CHRIS WASHINGTON, 24, a handsome African-American man shuts
the medicine cabinet. He’s shirtless and naturally athletic.
He scrutinizes his reflection with a touch of vanity.


INT. CITY APARTMENT - BATHROOM - MORNING

Chris spreads shaving cream onto his face and shaves. He
postures a little then nicks himself on the neck. He smirks;
deserved that.


INT. CITY APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - MORNING

Chris, clothed, looks out his window through a professional
camera. He flips through some striking urban images on the
digital display much like the ones framed around his
apartment. He is a very talented photographer.

Sid, a small dog, watches him. The BUZZER RINGS.
Genres: ["Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary The scene opens with Andre, a 29-year-old African-American man, feeling out of place and sensing he's being followed in a suburban neighborhood at night. He is attacked by a mysterious driver wearing a black knight's helmet and kidnapped, leaving the scene tense and foreboding. The scene then shifts to Chris Washington, a talented 24-year-old photographer, preparing for his day in his city apartment, providing a calm and confident contrast to Andre's ordeal.
Strengths
  • Effective use of suspense
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Engaging plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a shocking plot twist that leaves a strong emotional impact on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a man being followed and abducted in a suburban setting is executed with skill, creating a sense of unease and mystery.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging and well-paced, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats with its twists and turns.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the thriller genre by combining elements of mystery, danger, and suspense in a suburban setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are realistic and relatable, with Andre being a sympathetic protagonist and the mysterious driver adding to the suspense.

Character Changes: 7

Andre undergoes a significant change from feeling safe to being in a life-threatening situation, adding depth to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Andre's internal goal is to navigate through the confusing and creepy suburbs safely and make it to his destination without any harm.

External Goal: 7

Andre's external goal is to avoid being followed or harmed by the mysterious car that is stalking him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Andre and the mysterious driver creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the mysterious car stalking Andre and creating a sense of danger and suspense that keeps the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of Andre's abduction and the unknown motives of the driver raise the tension and suspense of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting the tone for the rest of the screenplay.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because it keeps the audience guessing about the intentions of the mysterious car and the danger it poses to Andre.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Andre's sense of safety and the unknown danger that lurks in the suburban streets. It challenges his belief in his ability to navigate unfamiliar surroundings.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes fear and tension in the audience, leading to a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and helps to establish the characters' personalities and the tense atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it keeps the audience on edge with its suspenseful atmosphere and mysterious plot developments.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic moment of danger for the protagonist.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a thriller genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following the expected format for a thriller genre.


Critique
  • The scene starts a bit slow and doesn't immediately grab the reader's attention.
  • The dialogue between Andre and Crystal is a bit unnatural and doesn't feel like a real conversation.
  • The description of the car following Andre is a bit repetitive and could be more concise.
  • The scene doesn't really build any suspense or tension.
  • The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt and doesn't leave the reader with a sense of closure.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a more attention-grabbing hook.
  • Revise the dialogue between Andre and Crystal to make it more natural.
  • Concise the description of the car following Andre.
  • Add some suspense or tension to the scene by building up to the attack.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending by providing a sense of closure.



Scene 2 - Morning Jitters and Meeting the Parents
INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - ELEVATOR

Rose rides in the elevator. The doors open.


INT. APARTMENT BUILDING - HALLWAY - MORNING

Rose walks down the hallway with her hands full. She has two
coffees and two bags of pastries. Chris opens the door. Rose
stands outside the apartment. Chris smirks.

ROSE
I know. I couldn’t decide...

He takes the coffee tray and pulls her inside. They kiss and
shut the door.
5.


INT. CITY APARTMENT - CHRIS’ BEDROOM - DAY

Chris packs a small bag of luggage. Rose lays on the bed.


Rose eats a chocolate croissant. SID lays by her on the bed.
She strokes him. It’s a perfect morning.


ROSE
Toothbrush... Deodorant...


CHRIS
Check... Check....

Rose notices Chris is being cagey.

Chris packs in silence for a moment.

ROSE
What? Where’d you go?

CHRIS
Nowhere.

ROSE
No, what?

CHRIS
Do the know I’m black?

ROSE
No. Why? Should they?

CHRIS
Seems like you might wanna mention
it...

ROSE
Right. You mean like “Mom, Dad, my
black boyfriend and I are coming up
for the weekend”? He’s African
American, but I hope you can
overlook that.


Chris, being teased, pulls Rose by the ankle and gets on top
of her.

CHRIS
You said I’m the first black guy
you’d ever dated.
6.


ROSE
Yeah, so.

CHRIS
I’m just sayin’ this is uncharted
territory for them. I don’t wanna
get chased off the lawn with a gun.

Rose embraces him and pulls him to the bed.

ROSE
Dude, seriously. My dad would’ve
legit voted for Obama a third time
if he could’ve. Yes, he will want
to talk to you about it, and that
will be embarrassing as fuck, but
it’s just cause he’s lame.

Chris laughs.

ROSE (CONT’D)
There are a lot of maddening things
about them but they’re not racist.
I promise.


Chris nods amused, but isn’t totally convinced.

ROSE (CONT’D)
And my mom loves Idris Elba.

CHRIS
(sarcastic)
Oh, why didn’t you say so?

He holds her. He kisses her cheek. She raises her phone and
takes a selfie of them.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Oh, sneak attack!

ROSE
(laughing)
Don’t!

They roll around playfully.
Genres: ["Romantic Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Rose and Chris share an affectionate morning in Chris' apartment, with Rose bringing coffee and pastries. Chris, who is black, reveals his nervousness about meeting Rose's parents due to their lack of knowledge about his race. Rose reassures Chris that her parents are not racist and are fans of Idris Elba. The scene ends with the couple taking a selfie and playfully rolling around on the bed.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character development
  • Engaging banter
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the relationship dynamic between Chris and Rose through witty dialogue and playful interactions, setting a lighthearted tone for the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of interracial relationships and the potential challenges they may face in different social settings is explored in a humorous and relatable manner.

Plot: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a character-building moment that deepens the audience's understanding of Chris and Rose's relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on interracial relationships and addresses the complexities of racial dynamics within families. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and relatable, contributing to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Chris and Rose are well-developed through their dialogue and interactions, showcasing their personalities and the dynamics of their relationship.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Chris and Rose's relationship dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to reassure her boyfriend that her family is not racist and to alleviate his concerns about their reaction to his race. This reflects her desire for their relationship to be accepted and for her boyfriend to feel comfortable and welcomed by her family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to prepare for a visit to her family with her boyfriend and to address any potential issues that may arise due to their racial differences. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating interracial relationships within a family setting.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on character dynamics and relationship building.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist and her boyfriend facing internal and external challenges related to their interracial relationship.

High Stakes: 2

The scene does not involve high stakes or intense conflict, focusing more on character interactions and relationship dynamics.

Story Forward: 5

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but provides valuable insights into the characters' personalities and relationship dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and twists in the characters' interactions, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between societal expectations and personal beliefs regarding race and interracial relationships. The protagonist's boyfriend is concerned about potential racism from her family, while she believes in their acceptance and non-racist attitudes.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a light-hearted and humorous emotional response from the audience, engaging them in the characters' banter and interactions.

Dialogue: 9

The witty and engaging dialogue between Chris and Rose drives the scene, revealing their personalities and the underlying tensions in their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between the characters, the humor infused in the dialogue, and the underlying tension of the interracial relationship.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that maintains the audience's interest and builds tension effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dialogue-driven interaction between characters, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Rose and Chris is natural and believable, effectively showcasing their playful and comfortable relationship.
  • The scene establishes their close bond and sets up the upcoming conflict related to Chris's concerns about meeting Rose's parents.
  • The way Rose reassures Chris and teases him about his worry highlights the strength of their connection and her understanding of his insecurities.
  • The mention of Idris Elba is a subtle reference to Chris's race and is well-integrated into the conversation, providing a relatable and humorous touch.
  • The scene effectively conveys the transition from the playful and light-hearted atmosphere of their apartment to the potential tension of meeting Rose's parents, creating a sense of anticipation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a bit more detail to Chris's packing process to provide a stronger sense of his preparation for the trip.
  • Explore adding a physical or verbal reaction from Sid to Rose's affectionate touch to further develop the dog's character and its presence in the scene.
  • To enhance the visual imagery, include a description of the decor or artwork in Chris's bedroom to establish the ambiance of their living space.
  • Consider expanding Rose's description of her parents' political views to provide more context and depth to their characters.
  • To heighten the tension, you could have Rose express some of her own anxieties or uncertainties about her parents' reaction to Chris, adding a layer of emotional conflict to the scene.



Scene 3 - Road Trip Begins with a Hint of Tension
INT. CITY APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Chris and Rose stand by the front door about to leave. Rose
blows Sid a kiss.
7.


ROSE
(to Sid)
Bye, Sid.

They almost leave, but at the last second goes to turn the TV
on for Sid. He rubs Sid’s head briefly.

CHRIS
(to Sid)
Rod’ll be by soon. Love you.

They leave. Sid watches a commercial for the United Negro
College Fund.

COMMERCIAL (V.O.)
The United Negro College Fund. A
mind is a terrible thing to waste.


EXT. RURAL ROAD - BIRD’S-EYE VIEW - DAY

We soar over Rose’s Car as it drives through the beautiful
countryside; a road flanked by woods.


INT. ROSE’S CAR - DAY

Rose hums. Chris, in the passengers seat, looks through his
camera at the passing trees. He snaps a test shot. Chris
picks up a fast food wrapper from the floor of the car and
tosses it in the backseat.

CHRIS
I can’t believe they even let you
in a Hospital.

ROSE
I’m very sanitary at work.

CHRIS
How long has it been?

ROSE
Since I’ve been up here? I don’t
know. A few years? My dad grew up
here. We used to come up every
summer to visit my grandparents.
Since they died, my parents
basically moved here.

Chris takes out a cigarette sneakily. Rose grabs it promptly.
Chris holds out his hand for it. He’s played this game
before.
8.


CHRIS
Okay.

She poses sexy with it.

ROSE
Is this hot? Do I look hot?

CHRIS
I’m a grown man. If I say I want a
cigarette, I should be able to--

She opens the window and throws it out and closes the window.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Okay, so that’s like a dollar. You
basically just threw a dollar out
the window.

Rose takes a crumpled dollar out of her purse.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Hold on, I gotta call Rod.

Chris takes out his phone.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Chris (30s, male) and Rose (30s, female), longtime friends and possible romantic interests, start a road trip leaving Chris's city apartment. They say goodbye to Sid, Chris's dog. While driving through the picturesque countryside, Chris smokes a cigarette, but Rose takes it away and throws it out the window, causing a minor conflict. Rose shares nostalgic stories of her childhood visits to her grandparents' countryside home. The scene ends with Chris calling Rod as they continue their journey.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Establishing character backgrounds
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the upcoming road trip and establishes the relationship between Chris and Rose. The dialogue is engaging and the tone is consistent throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of preparing for a road trip and the dynamics between the characters are well-executed. The scene effectively introduces the audience to the characters' personalities and relationship.

Plot: 7

While the plot does not significantly advance in this scene, it sets the stage for the upcoming road trip and provides insight into the characters' backgrounds.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh dialogue and character interactions that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Chris and Rose are well-developed characters with distinct personalities. Their interactions feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is a subtle shift in Chris's demeanor as he opens up about his concerns, showing vulnerability. Rose reassures him, leading to a small character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of control and independence in his relationship with Rose.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to communicate with Rod and possibly make plans.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is a hint of conflict regarding Chris's nervousness about meeting Rose's parents, it is not the central focus of the scene. The conflict is more internal and serves to develop the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty for the characters.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and relationship building. The main tension revolves around Chris's nerves about meeting Rose's parents.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it sets the stage for the road trip and deepens the audience's understanding of the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and unexpected character choices.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the power dynamics and communication styles between Chris and Rose.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of warmth and affection between Chris and Rose, but the emotional impact is not particularly intense. It sets a positive tone for the upcoming road trip.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, playful, and reveals information about the characters' pasts. It enhances the scene and keeps the audience entertained.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between the characters and the tension that builds throughout their interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by maintaining tension and building towards key moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and action sequences.


Critique
  • The scene lacks tension and conflict. It's mostly a mundane conversation between the two characters as they prepare to leave the apartment.
  • The dialogue is a bit flat and doesn't reveal much about the characters or their relationship.
  • The scene doesn't do much to advance the plot or develop the characters.
  • The action is mostly limited to Chris and Rose getting ready to leave, which isn't very visually interesting.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Chris taking out his phone to call Rod, but it's not clear why this is significant or how it will affect the plot.
Suggestions
  • Add some tension or conflict to the scene, such as a disagreement between Chris and Rose or a threat from an outside force.
  • Develop the characters more by giving them more depth and complexity.
  • Advance the plot by introducing a new element or event that will drive the story forward.
  • Make the scene more visually interesting by adding movement or using the setting in a more creative way.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending by tying it back to the main plot or by introducing a new development that will leave the reader wanting more.



Scene 4 - Friendly Teasing and Playful Tickles: Chris, Rose, and Rod at the Airport
EXT. AIRPORT - DEPARTURES TERMINAL - DAY

ROD WILLIAMS, 26, African American, a stocky TSA agent smokes
a cigarette and hides it from arriving passengers. His cell
phone rings.

ROD
‘Sup?

INTERCUT WITH:


NT. ROSE’S CAR - DAY

Chris sits in the passenger seat and talks on the cell phone.

CHRIS
Hey, You at work?

ROD
Yeah. Chris, tell me this. How I’m
gonna get in trouble for pattin’
down an old lady. It’s standard
procedure!I got fuckin’ Gary out
here thinkin’ just because a bitch
elderly, she can’t hijack an
airplane.
9.


Chris laughs.

ROD (CONT’D)
Watch, the next 9/11 is gonna be on
some geriatric shit too.

CHRIS
Look, man; Thanks for watching Sid
this weekend. Remember, no human
food; he’s got IBS.

ROD
You actually think I forgot that
shit? Damn ‘C’, I’m hurt. Give your
boy a little credit. I don’t forget
shit, you do.

CHRIS
Yeah, yeah. Alright.

ROD
Apology accepted. How’s ‘Lil Miss
Rosie?

CHRIS
She’s good. She’s drivin’--

Rose holds out her hand. Chris reluctantly turns on the
speaker phone.

ROSE
Hi, Rod.

ROD
Whattup girl? Hey listen, you
better bring my boy back in one
piece.

ROSE
I don’t even know what that means
but yes, I promise.

ROD
You know you picked the wrong guy
though right?

ROSE
It’s not too late for us is it?

Chris turns the speaker phone back off.

CHRIS
Okay, get your own girl.
10.


ROD
Damn, I never seen you like this.

CHRIS
Like what?

ROD
Meeting the family? What does she
lick your balls or something?


CHRIS
Goodbye, Rod. I’ll kick you some
cash when I get back.

ROD
I don’t need your money, just get
your girl to introduce me to one of
her ball-lickin’ girlfriends, and
we’re straight.

CHRIS
Bye.

ROD
You better not come back all bougie
on me--

Chris hangs up. He gives Rose a look.

ROSE
What..? Settle down. You know I’m
yours.

Rose pokes Chris. He’s clearly very ticklish.

CHRIS
Hey!

After a brief standoff they begin a tickle fight.


ROSE
Stop! I’m driving.

Chris pulls away. After a moment...


CHRIS
You started it--

A shadow darts across the hood of the car. It’s hind legs
SMACK the hood of the car with a loud THWAT-THWAT!
11.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary In this lighthearted and humorous scene, TSA agent Rod Williams talks to his friend Chris on the phone, teasing him about his relationship with Rose, while Chris and Rose have a playful tickle fight in the car. The scene takes place outside the departures terminal at the airport during the day, and ends with a squirrel running across the hood of the car as Chris and Rose continue to drive. The conflict is minor and friendly, adding to the overall playful tone of the scene.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Chemistry between characters
  • Introduction of theme of acceptance and understanding
Weaknesses
  • Relatively low stakes
  • Limited action or external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, funny, and sets up the upcoming conflict of meeting Rose's family. The dialogue is witty and the chemistry between the characters is evident.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of interracial relationships and the nervousness of meeting the family is relatable and sets up potential conflicts and character growth.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward as Chris and Rose prepare for their road trip and discuss meeting Rose's family. The conflict of Chris's nervousness adds tension to the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and unexpected humor through the characters' banter and interactions, adding authenticity and depth to their personalities. The dialogue feels natural and relatable, enhancing the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Chris showing vulnerability and nervousness, and Rose being supportive and reassuring. Their dynamic and chemistry drive the scene.

Character Changes: 6

Chris shows vulnerability and nervousness, which hints at potential character growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Rod's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his tough and humorous persona while also showing care for his friend's pet. This reflects his deeper need for validation and connection with others, as well as his fear of being seen as vulnerable or weak.

External Goal: 7

Rod's external goal is to have a casual conversation with his friend while also ensuring the safety and well-being of his friend's pet. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his work environment and personal relationships.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict of Chris's nervousness about meeting Rose's family adds tension and sets up potential obstacles for their relationship.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with subtle conflicts and challenges that add tension and complexity to the characters' interactions. The audience is left wondering about the outcome of certain situations, creating a sense of anticipation.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, but the nervousness of meeting the family hints at potential challenges and obstacles for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the conflict of meeting Rose's family and the road trip. It establishes the characters' dynamics and motivations.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor, character dynamics, and plot twists that keep the audience guessing and engaged. The playful banter and surprising actions add a layer of unpredictability to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on responsibility, humor, and relationships. Rod's casual attitude towards his job and the elderly passenger contrasts with Chris's concern for the pet's health and safety, challenging their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a light-hearted and affectionate tone, but the underlying nervousness of Chris adds emotional depth and relatability.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the characters' personalities. It adds depth to the scene and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, playful interactions, and humorous tone. The dynamic between the characters and the unexpected twists keep the audience entertained and invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balanced rhythm of dialogue, action, and character interactions. It maintains a steady flow of events, keeping the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to read and understand, enhancing the overall clarity of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, with well-defined character interactions and progression of dialogue. It adheres to the expected format for its genre, maintaining a smooth flow of events.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction. It seems like a filler scene that doesn't advance the plot or develop the characters.
  • The dialogue is mostly about mundane topics, such as work and pets. It doesn't reveal anything new or interesting about the characters.
  • The tickle fight feels forced and out of place. It doesn't add to the scene and it doesn't reveal anything new about the characters.
  • The shadow darting across the hood of the car is a strange and unexplained event. It doesn't seem to have any significance or purpose in the scene.
  • The scene ends abruptly without any resolution or closure. It leaves the reader feeling confused and wondering what the point of the scene was.
Suggestions
  • Consider cutting the scene altogether. It doesn't add anything to the story and it slows down the pace.
  • If you want to keep the scene, give it a clear purpose. Maybe use it to develop the characters or advance the plot.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more interesting and revealing. Focus on the characters' thoughts and feelings.
  • Remove the tickle fight or find a way to make it more relevant to the scene.
  • Explain the shadow darting across the hood of the car. Give it a purpose or significance.
  • Rewrite the ending of the scene to give it a sense of closure. Maybe have the characters talk about their feelings or make a decision about something.



Scene 5 - Car Collision with a Deer: An Encounter with the Police
EXT. RURAL ROAD. CONTINUOUS

The deer is propelled into the woods like a pinwheel. The car
screeches to a halt. The passenger’s side mirror swings
dangling off it’s mount. Chris and Rose breathe hard for a
few moments of shock.

ROSE
Fuck!

CHRIS
You okay?

ROSE
Yeah. You?

CHRIS
Yeah. That scared the shit out of
me.

Rose and Chris get out of the car and inspect the damage. The
right headlight is busted and a scratch in the paint leads
across the hood to the right rearview mirror which hangs

ROSE
Fuck!!!

Chris looks back in the direction of the collision.

CHRIS
Stay here.

ROSE
What are you doing?

CHRIS
I don’t know... See if it’s okay?

Chris walks a few more steps then stops. He rethinks.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Maybe it’s gone--


A guttural, almost human, moan OF PAIN comes from in the
trees behind them. They watch the woods in horror.

Chris walks back towards the haunting wail. It stops.

ROSE
Chris...?
12.


Chris motions for Rose to stay. He keeps walking towards the
thicket about 40 Ft behind the car. Something breathes deep
in the bushes.

ROSE (CONT’D)
Be careful!

Chris gathers his courage and steps off the road into the
dark thicket. He peers through the bushes. The deer lays
there gasping for air and watching him with a black wet eye.
Chris is transfixed.


EXT. RURAL ROAD - DAY

A cop car is now pulled up behind Rose’s car. OFFICER FROSTY -
Caucasian - 33 stands near the deer on the road behind.
Another officer, OFFICER RYAN - 40 - Caucasian, speaks with
Rose who stands by the open driver’s side door. Chris sits
lightly on the hood facing forward lost in thought.


INT. ROSE’S CAR - CONTINUOUS

Rose rummages through her messy purse.

OFFICER RYAN
So, in the future the number to
call is Animal Control Services.

ROSE
Right. Thanks. Here it is!

Rose finally pulls her driver’s license from her purse. The
Officer looks at it and over at Chris.

OFFICER RYAN
You two coming up from the city?

ROSE
Yeah. My parents live in the Lake
Pontaco area. We’re up here for the
weekend.

OFFICER RYAN
Sir..? Can I see your license?

CHRIS
Oh... yeah. I have a state I.D.

ROSE
Wait, why?
13.


OFFICER RYAN
Ma’am?

ROSE
He wasn’t driving?

OFFICER RYAN
I didn’t ask if he was driving, I
asked to see his I.D.

ROSE
(to Officer Ryan)
But why? It doesn’t make any sense.

CHRIS
Here.

Chris offers Officer Ryan his I.D.

ROSE
No, fuck that. He shouldn’t have to
show you his I.D. because he hasn’t
done anything wrong.

CHRIS
Baby. It’s okay--

OFFICER RYAN
Ma’am, any time there is an
incident we have the right to--

ROSE
That’s bullshit!

OFFICER RYAN
Ma’am...

There is a tense silence. Officer Ryan gives up. Not worth
the trouble. Officer Ryan’s walkie chimes in.


OFFICER FROSTY
Everything alright up there
Crowsie?

He presses his walkie button.

OFFICER RYAN
Yeah, I’m all good.
(to Chris and Rose)
You guys drive safe.

Rose and Chris get into their car.
14.


OFFICER RYAN (CONT’D)
Get that headlight fixed... And the
mirror.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary In this tense and anxious scene, a deer jumps in front of Chris and Rose's car, causing damage. While Chris checks the woods for the injured deer, the police arrive and investigate the incident. A conflict arises when Officer Ryan asks Chris for his I.D., causing Rose to become defensive. The scene concludes with the officers leaving and Chris and Rose driving away, the conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • Exploring racial themes
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Character changes are subtle

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension through the collision, the interaction with the police, and the underlying racial dynamics. It keeps the audience engaged and sets up potential conflicts for future development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of racial profiling and confrontation with authority figures is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and setting up potential conflicts. It introduces themes of race and power dynamics effectively.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters deal with the aftermath of the collision and the encounter with the police. It sets up potential obstacles for the road trip and adds layers to the characters' dynamics.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of moral dilemmas and authority figures, with a focus on character dynamics and emotional depth. The dialogue feels authentic and adds a layer of complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the situation reveal more about their personalities and relationships. Rose's assertiveness and Chris's calm demeanor are highlighted, adding depth to their characterization.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics and reactions, the scene primarily focuses on revealing their existing traits and relationships rather than significant changes.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fear and guilt over hitting the deer. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and his desire to do the right thing.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to deal with the aftermath of hitting the deer and interacting with the police officers. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing consequences and authority figures.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters and the police, as well as the racial tensions underlying the interaction, create a high level of tension and drama in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and beliefs creating tension and conflict between the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are present in the racial tensions, the confrontation with the police, and the potential impact on the characters' road trip. It adds urgency and suspense to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing obstacles and conflicts for the characters to navigate on their road trip. It sets up potential challenges and developments for future scenes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected conflict between Rose and the police officer, adding a layer of tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between following rules and authority versus standing up for what is perceived as unjust. Rose challenges the authority of the police officer, highlighting a clash of values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of tension, frustration, and concern as the characters navigate a potentially volatile situation. It adds depth to the characters and engages the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys tension, frustration, and assertiveness in the interaction with the police. It also reveals the characters' personalities and dynamics through their responses.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and realistic character interactions. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a satisfying resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly and contributes to the overall flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a resolution. The pacing and formatting enhance the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with clear stage directions and dialogue, but there are some areas that could be improved for better pacing and character development.
  • The deer collision could be more impactful with more sensory details, such as the sound of the impact and the appearance of the deer. This would help the reader feel more immersed in the scene.
  • The conflict between Rose and Officer Ryan feels a bit abrupt and could be better set up. It might be helpful to establish Rose as a more assertive character earlier in the script, so this behavior doesn't seem to come out of nowhere.
  • Chris's character could be developed more in this scene. He doesn't have many lines, and his reactions to the deer and the conflict with the officer could be more nuanced.
  • The dialogue between Rose and Officer Ryan could be tightened up. Some of the lines feel repetitive and could be condensed for better pacing.
Suggestions
  • Add more sensory details to the deer collision to make it more impactful.
  • Establish Rose's assertive personality earlier in the script to make her conflict with Officer Ryan feel more natural.
  • Develop Chris's character more in this scene, perhaps by giving him more lines or more nuanced reactions to the events.
  • Tighten up the dialogue between Rose and Officer Ryan to improve the pacing of the scene.



Scene 6 - Warm Welcome at the Armitage Estate
EXT. RURAL ROAD - DAY

Bird’s eye view. The car winds through a thickly wooded road.


INT. ROSE’S CAR - AFTERNOON

Chris sits in the passenger’s seat deep in thought. He
watches Rose with a new pride. Rose notices.

ROSE
What?

CHRIS
That was hot.

ROSE
I’m not gonna let anyone mess with
my man.

CHRIS
I see that.

ROSE
We’re here.


EXT. ARMITAGE ESTATE - AFTERNOON

The woods give way to an huge clearing. A lovely medium-sized
home sits in the middle. Thick forest surrounds the estate.
The property is charming and isolated; no other houses in
sight.

As they drive past the large front lawn passing WALTER,
African American 35, who trims hedges. Walter is tall and
wears a gardening hat. He works slowly and methodically. Rose
waves as they pass.

ROSE
Hi, Walter!

Walter waves back.

ROSE (CONT’D)
(to Chris)
The grounds-keeper.
15.


CHRIS
Oh, okay.


EXT. ARMITAGE ESTATE - MOMENTS LATER

Having parked, Rose and Chris approach the front door with
their luggage. Rose rummages through her bag.

ROSE
Where are my stupid keys...? I just
had them in my hand.

Chris RINGS the DOORBELL. Touché.

ROSE (CONT’D)
Get ready.

FOOTSTEPS. The door swings open revealing...

DEAN ARMITAGE, 59, a tall, barrel-chested WASP. Dean is a
well educated man with a poor social filter and a bad case of
Dad humor. He is the kind of guy who pronounces garbage, Gar-
bahge.

And... MISSY ARMITAGE, 56, is poised, warm and beautiful. She
exudes patience and intelligence. Missy can read people like
books. She’s a perfectly attentive host.

Rose hugs her parents.

ROSE (CONT’D)
Hi!

DEAN MISSY
There she is! Hello sweetheart.

Chris stands there awkwardly.

ROSE
Chris, this my Mom and my Dad. Mom,
Dad; Chris.

CHRIS
Hey.

Dean holds his hand out.

DEAN
You can call me Mr. Armitage.

CHRIS
Of course. I--
16.


DEAN
Got him. Come here.

Dean grabs Chris’ hand and pulls him in for a bear hug.

DEAN (CONT’D)
We hug around here, my Man. Call me
Dean.

Rose rolls her eyes with love. She’s already embarrassed.

MISSY CHRIS
(to Rose) Nice to meet you.
Your father’s very excited.

MISSY
Hi, I’m Missy, welcome to our home.

Missy shakes Chris’ hand warmly.

MISSY (CONT’D)
Come inside.

DEAN
Yes, Come in! Make yourselves
comfortable?

The four enter the house. Walter watches from afar. He slowly
turns and goes back to work.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Rose and Chris arrive at the Armitage estate, where Chris meets Rose's parents, Dean and Missy, for the first time. Dean greets Chris with enthusiasm, while Missy warmly welcomes him to their home. The scene is set in the afternoon, with the charming, isolated medium-sized home surrounded by thick forest. Chris is initially awkward but quickly put at ease by Dean's friendly demeanor. The scene ends with the group entering the Armitage home together.
Strengths
  • Natural dialogue
  • Well-defined characters
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Mild conflict resolution
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the tension and humor surrounding Chris meeting Rose's parents, with a good balance of awkwardness and warmth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of meeting the parents is a classic trope in storytelling, but the added layer of racial tension and acceptance adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Chris meeting Rose's parents, setting up potential conflicts and character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic 'meeting the parents' scenario by incorporating elements of mystery and tension, as well as exploring themes of race and privilege.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with Dean as the awkward yet well-meaning father, Missy as the poised and welcoming mother, and Chris as the nervous boyfriend trying to make a good impression.

Character Changes: 6

Chris experiences growth as he navigates the awkward situation of meeting Rose's parents, showing his vulnerability and desire to make a good impression.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the awkwardness of meeting Rose's parents for the first time and to make a good impression on them. This reflects his desire for acceptance and approval in his relationship with Rose.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully navigate the social dynamics of meeting Rose's parents and to establish a positive relationship with them.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict when Rose becomes defensive about Officer Ryan asking for Chris's ID, but it is quickly resolved.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, adding depth to the character interactions.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and humor rather than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the dynamics between Chris, Rose, and her parents, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character dynamics and the potential for conflict to arise.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Chris's background and the privileged, white world of the Armitages. This challenges Chris's beliefs and values as he tries to fit in and be accepted by Rose's family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits emotions of nervousness, warmth, and humor, engaging the audience in the characters' interactions.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reflects the awkwardness and humor of the situation, adding depth to the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, humor, and underlying tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the characters interact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and character descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene transitions and character introductions.


Critique
  • The first line of the scene is a bird's eye view of the car winding through a thickly wooded road, and this doesn't provide much helpful information or create a strong visual image of the scene.
  • The description of the estate as "charming and isolated" is a bit cliché and doesn't give the reader a clear sense of the setting.
  • The character of Walter, the African American grounds-keeper, is introduced in a somewhat stereotypical way and there's no clear indication of his relationship to the family or why he is important to the scene.
  • The dialogue between Rose and Chris as they drive past Walter is a bit awkward and unnatural, and it would be more effective if it were more casual and conversational.
  • The dialogue between Chris and Dean when they meet at the door is a bit forced and unrealistic, and it would be more believable if it were more natural and less awkward.
  • The description of Dean as "a tall, barrel-chested WASP" is a bit clichéd and doesn't give the reader a clear sense of his character.
  • The description of Missy as "poised, warm and beautiful" is a bit clichéd and doesn't give the reader a clear sense of her character.
  • The dialogue between Missy and Chris when they meet is a bit awkward and unnatural, and it would be more effective if it were more casual and conversational.
Suggestions
  • The scene could be opened up with a more dynamic and engaging visual, such as a close-up of Chris's face as he drives, or a shot of the car winding through the woods with the sun shining through the trees.
  • The description of the estate could be more specific and evocative, such as by describing the architecture of the house, the landscaping of the grounds, and the surrounding natural environment.
  • The character of Walter could be introduced in a more nuanced and interesting way, such as by showing him interacting with the family or the other characters in the scene.
  • The dialogue between Rose and Chris as they drive past Walter could be more casual and conversational, such as by having them talk about their day or their plans for the weekend.
  • The dialogue between Chris and Dean when they meet at the door could be more natural and less awkward, such as by having them make small talk or share a joke.
  • The description of Dean could be more specific and less clichéd, such as by describing his physical appearance, his personality, and his relationship to the other characters.
  • The description of Missy could be more specific and less clichéd, such as by describing her physical appearance, her personality, and her relationship to the other characters.
  • The dialogue between Missy and Chris when they meet could be more casual and conversational, such as by having them make small talk or share a joke.



Scene 7 - Warm Welcome to the Armitage Home
INT. ARMITAGE HOME - FOYER - CONTINUOUS

The interior is homey and eccentric; worldly and interesting.

DEAN
(to Rose and Chris)
How was the ride in?

ROSE
We hit a deer.

DEAN
Oh no! Is it dead?

CHRIS
Yeah.

MISSY
That’s horrible. Are you guys
alright?

ROSE
Yeah. It just fruck us out.
17.


MISSY
“Fruck?” That’s a good one.

CHRIS
It came out of nowhere. We got it
pretty good.

DEAN
You know what I say: One down... a
few hundred thousand to go.


MISSY ROSE
(laughing) Dad.
Dean. So awful.

DEAN
What?! They’re everywhere; like
rats. The threat they pose to the
ecology is pretty serious stuff.

MISSY
I’m sure that was traumatic for
you. You two must be exhausted.

CHRIS
Yeah, a little.

DEAN
So how long have you guys been a
thing?

CHRIS
4 months.

ROSE
5 months.

CHRIS
She’s right, I’m wrong.

DEAN
‘Atta boy, Chris. Get used to
saying that.

Dean stands.

DEAN (CONT’D)
Anyway, let me give you the grand
tour.

ROSE
Slow down. We just got here.
18.


MISSY
Let them unload their bags first.

DEAN
Yeah, yeah. Alright. Well, hurry.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary The group enters the Armitage home and settles in, with Dean expressing concern for the ecological impact of their car accident involving a deer. Missy, more focused on their well-being, offers a tour while Rose and Chris take a moment to unload their bags. Walter, keeping his distance, returns to work. The scene is lighthearted, with subtle tension between Dean and Missy's priorities, and ends with the group preparing to unload their bags before taking the tour.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Humorous tone
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of major conflict resolution
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets the tone for the interactions between the characters, blending humor with genuine concern. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the dynamics between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of introducing Chris to Rose's family is a common trope in romantic comedies, but the scene adds a unique twist with the unexpected event of hitting a deer. This injects humor and tension into the situation.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Chris meeting Rose's parents and the unexpected incident with the deer. It sets up potential conflicts and establishes the dynamics between the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its fresh approach to family dynamics and social interactions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined through their dialogue and interactions. Dean's eccentricity, Missy's warmth, and Rose's playful nature shine through in the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development in the characters as they navigate meeting the family.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the awkwardness of meeting his girlfriend's family for the first time and to make a good impression. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and approval.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the conversation with his girlfriend's family and to establish a positive relationship with them. This reflects the immediate challenge of fitting in and being accepted.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict between Rose and Officer Ryan adds tension to the scene, hinting at potential conflicts to come. The humorous banter also adds a layer of conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with subtle conflicts and tensions between the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the interactions will unfold, adding depth to the scene.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and humor. However, the potential conflicts with Rose's family and the deer incident add a layer of tension.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing Chris to Rose's family and establishing the dynamics between the characters. It also hints at potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and tension in the character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes as they navigate the shifting dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's view on the deer as a threat to the ecology and the family's more casual attitude towards it. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about environmental conservation and societal values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to concern. The characters' reactions to the deer incident and the playful banter create an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the relationships between the characters. It adds humor and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and underlying tension. The humor and conflict keep the audience invested in the unfolding story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper spacing, indentation, and character cues. The clarity of the formatting enhances the readability of the scene.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters speak in a way that no one would in real life.
  • The scene lacks action. The characters simply stand around and talk.
  • The scene is too long. It could be cut by at least half without losing any important information.
  • The scene is not visually interesting. There is nothing to look at except the characters talking.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and realistic.
  • Add some action to the scene. The characters could be doing something other than just talking, such as eating, drinking, or playing a game.
  • Cut the scene down to a more manageable length.
  • Add some visual interest to the scene. The characters could be in a more interesting setting, or they could be doing something more visually appealing.



Scene 8 - Exploring the Past: Intimate Moments and Family History
INT. ARMITAGE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY

Rose and Chris take their bags upstairs.


INT. ARMITAGE HOUSE - ROSE’S BEDROOM - DAY

Rose’s old room is a cross between a young-minded teenage
girl... (a stuffed lion, ballerina music box etc) and a
moodier more rebellious teen. A window overlooks the front
lawn.

Rose and Chris place their bags down. She starts unpacking.

ROSE
I was never this clean.

CHRIS
Oh, right.

Chris looks at some pictures posted on her dresser.

ROSE
So...

CHRIS
What? Oh, they’re great.

ROSE
I told you.

He sees a picture of Rose in high school on stage in a
production of ‘The Crucible.'

CHRIS
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Is this
you?

ROSE
Where did you find that. I hate
that picture.

Rose takes it from him and puts it in the closet.

CHRIS
I didn’t know you were a drama kid.
19.


ROSE
There’s a lot you don’t know about
me.

CHRIS
Oh really?

Rose grabs Chris by the belt and pulls him to the bed on top
of her. They kiss. She goes for his fly.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Wait, what about the tour?

Rose looks at him like “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Chris
laughs.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
What? I want to be respectful.


INT. ARMITAGE DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY

Dean and Chris walk and look at pictures on the wall. Rose in
the living room.

Dean opens the door to the office. He and Chris stand
outside the door as Dean reaches in to turn on the lights.
In front of the desk, two comfortable-looking chairs face
each other. Books line the walls. Dean and Chris don’t enter.

DEAN
Missy’s office. She takes
appointments in there.

CHRIS
Nice. She’s a therapist, right?

DEAN
Psychiatrist, yeah. Turns out
people up here are just as messed
up in the head as they were in the
city.

Chris zones in on a photograph taken in the 90’s in front of
the Armitage house. Dean and Missy are younger, and Rose and
her brother Jeremy are kids. Roman and Josie Armitage, the
grandparents stand in the middle.

DEAN (CONT’D)
That’s my Son Jeremy.

CHRIS
I’ve heard stories.
20.


DEAN
He went through a couple dark spots
but came out the other side just
fine. He’s in Med school like his
pops. You’ll meet him later.

CHRIS
Oh, cool.

They pass Rose who’s on her phone in the living room. She
gives him an “Told you this would be boring” look.

DEAN
(chuckles)
We pop around quite a bit; always
seem to bring some new little
treasure back from wherever.

They move down the hallway to a black and white framed
picture of a 25 year old man posing in the starting position
for a race.

DEAN (CONT’D)
Oh you’ll like this. My dad’s claim
to fame. He was beat out by Jessie
Owens in the qualifying round for
the Berlin Olympics in ‘36. That’s
the one where--


CHRIS
--Owens won in front of Hitler.

DEAN
Talk about a perfect moment in
history. There’s Hitler on his high
horse with his perfect Aryan race,
and here comes this black fella to
prove him wrong in front of the
world. What a moment.

CHRIS
Tough break for your Dad though.

DEAN
He almost got over it.

Dean winks.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Rose and Chris head upstairs for some intimate moments, but Chris hesitates, remembering their plan to go on a tour. However, Rose's look and their strong connection lead them to continue their intimate moment. Meanwhile, Dean gives Chris a tour of the house, showing him pictures of Rose's family and sharing stories about the house's history. The scene takes place in the upstairs hallway and Rose's bedroom in the Armitage house during the day, and the tone is light and playful with a hint of sexual tension and nostalgia.
Strengths
  • Intimate character interactions
  • Nostalgic tone
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict or tension
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes a sense of intimacy and nostalgia between Rose and Chris, while also providing insight into Rose's background and family history. The playful interactions and dialogue add depth to their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unpacking memories through exploring Rose's old room is engaging and allows for character development and relationship building between Rose and Chris.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the exploration of Rose's past and family history, adding layers to the characters and setting the stage for potential conflicts or revelations in the future.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh character dynamics and hints at deeper layers of the protagonist's past, adding originality to the familiar romantic comedy genre.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Rose and Chris are well-developed in this scene, with their playful interactions and curiosity about each other's past adding depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the interactions between Rose and Chris deepen their relationship and reveal more about their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Rose's internal goal in this scene is to show Chris a different side of herself, hinting at a mysterious past and a desire for intimacy.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the unfamiliar environment of the Armitage house and make a good impression on Rose's family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is a hint of conflict between Rose and Chris regarding the tour of the house, it is resolved quickly and does not escalate, maintaining the overall tone of intimacy and playfulness.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, adding a layer of tension and uncertainty to the protagonist's interactions.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character development and relationship building rather than high-stakes conflicts or events.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by providing background information on Rose's family and setting the stage for potential conflicts or revelations in the future.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its character dynamics and reveals unexpected layers of the protagonist's past.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of identity and perception. Chris is confronted with new information about Rose's past, challenging his preconceived notions of her.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of nostalgia and affection between Rose and Chris, as well as curiosity about each other's past, creating an emotional connection with the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals aspects of the characters' personalities and histories, enhancing the intimacy and playfulness of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the intimate character moments, subtle tension, and hints at deeper character motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by balancing intimate character moments with subtle tension and humor.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a romantic comedy, with a focus on character interaction and development.


Critique
  • The dialogue is somewhat stilted and unnatural. For example, when Chris asks Rose if she was a drama kid, she responds with "There's a lot you don't know about me." This line is a bit too vague and doesn't really give Chris any information.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot. It's mostly just a series of exchanges between Chris and Rose that don't really lead anywhere.
  • The scene doesn't really do much to develop Chris and Rose's relationship. They kiss and make out, but there's not much else to their interaction.
  • The scene is a bit too long. It could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action. This would help to make the scene more concise and focused.
  • The scene doesn't really have a clear purpose. It's not clear what the writer is trying to accomplish with this scene.
Suggestions
  • The writer could make the dialogue more natural by using contractions and colloquialisms. They could also vary the length of the sentences to make the dialogue more interesting.
  • The writer could advance the plot by having Chris and Rose discuss something that is important to them. This could be something that they're struggling with, or something that they're excited about.
  • The writer could develop Chris and Rose's relationship by having them share a vulnerable moment. This could be something that they've never told anyone else before, or something that they're struggling with.
  • The writer could shorten the scene by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action. This would help to make the scene more concise and focused.
  • The writer could give the scene a clear purpose by having Chris and Rose achieve something by the end of the scene. This could be something as simple as getting to know each other better, or something more complex, like solving a problem together.



Scene 9 - Exploring the Armitage House
INT. ARMITAGE HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY

Dean and Chris continue their walk-through. The kitchen is
homey and pristine. It has a distinctly grandmotherly vibe.
21.


GEORGINA (30), African American, stands in the middle of the
kitchen cleaning the center island and smiling like she’s
been waiting for them.

DEAN
My mother loved her kitchen, so we
kept a piece of her in here.

CHRIS
(to Georgina)
Hi

DEAN
Oh, Georgina, this is Chris; Rose’s
boyfriend.

GEORGINA
Hello.-

DEAN
“Garbahge” goes under the sink. But
now for the piece de resistance...

Dean opens the glass back door.


EXT. BACKYARD - LATE AFTERNOON

The yard is huge and the woods beyond it ominous. The wind
RUSHES through the trees. Dean leads Chris out through the
yard towards a gazebo.

DEAN
Smell that...? Space! I love it.
I’m tellin’ you, the nearest house
is practically on the other side of
the lake. It’s total privacy out
here.

Chris is distracted by Walter who prepares the lawn mower in
the distance.

DEAN (CONT’D)
I know what you’re thinking.


Chris looks at him.

DEAN (CONT’D)
White family; black servants. Total
cliche.

CHRIS
I wasn’t gonna go there.
22.


DEAN
You didn’t have to. Trust me, I
know. We hired them a few years ago
to help care for my parents;
they’re like part of the family
now. Couldn’t bear to let them go.
I hate the way it looks though...

CHRIS
Yeah, I know what you mean.

DEAN
And by the way, I would’ve voted
for Obama a third term if I
could’ve. Best president in my
lifetime. Hands down.

Chris smirks.

CHRIS
I agree.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Dean and Chris tour the Armitage house, starting in the kitchen where they meet Georgina, the housekeeper. They discuss the racial dynamics of having black servants. Moving to the backyard, Dean shares his political views with Chris as they admire the privacy and beauty of the space.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Well-developed characters
  • Exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively introduces the setting, characters, and themes while maintaining a light-hearted tone. It sets up potential conflicts and engages the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring race, class, and family dynamics is well-executed in the scene. It sets the stage for future developments and conflicts.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Chris meets Rose's family and begins to navigate their world. It sets up potential conflicts and character dynamics.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate, with a fresh approach to exploring racial dynamics and social commentary within a domestic setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity. Chris and Rose's relationship is further explored through their interactions with family members.

Character Changes: 6

Chris begins to navigate a new environment and faces challenges related to race and class dynamics. This sets the stage for potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the discomfort and unease he feels about the racial dynamics within the household. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance, understanding, and a desire to maintain his relationship with his girlfriend's family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to give Chris a tour of the house and backyard, showcasing the family's living space and privacy. This reflects the immediate circumstances of introducing Chris to the family and highlighting the unique aspects of their home.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces potential conflicts through the interactions between characters, particularly around race and class dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, with underlying tensions and conflicts that challenge the protagonist's beliefs and values. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of how the characters will navigate the complex dynamics at play.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate as Chris navigates meeting Rose's family and facing potential conflicts related to race and class dynamics.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new settings, characters, and conflicts. It sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle shifts in power dynamics, the underlying tensions related to race and privilege, and the unexpected revelations about the characters' motivations and beliefs.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between appearances and reality, as well as the complexities of race, privilege, and family dynamics. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about equality, social justice, and personal integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact as it sets up potential conflicts and reveals insights into the characters' relationships.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and relationships. It sets the tone for future interactions and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters, the exploration of complex themes, and the sense of mystery and tension that builds throughout. The dialogue and setting descriptions draw the reader in and create a compelling atmosphere.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and reflection, allowing the reader to absorb the dialogue and visual details, and building suspense towards the climax. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and thematic resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and atmosphere.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events, character interactions, and thematic development. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural. It doesn't feel like a real conversation between two people.
  • The scene could use more action. It's mostly just Dean talking and Chris reacting.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot. It's more like a filler scene.
  • The scene could be more visually interesting. The setting is a bit bland and there's not much movement.
  • The scene could be more suspenseful. There's not really any sense of danger or urgency.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational.
  • Add some more action to the scene, such as Chris and Dean walking around the yard or exploring the house.
  • Give the scene a more specific purpose. For example, have Chris and Dean discuss something important that will affect the plot.
  • Add some more visually interesting elements to the setting, such as a colorful garden or a dramatic view of the woods.
  • Add some more suspenseful elements to the scene, such as a strange noise or a glimpse of something dangerous.



Scene 10 - A Sunny Afternoon of Tea and Revelations
EXT. OUTDOOR PATIO - DAY

Dean, Missy, Chris and Rose sit with iced teas. Missy stirs
sugar into hers. Walter mows in the distance. Dean views
pictures on Chris’ camera.

DEAN
Wow. Look at that. Isn’t that
something?

He shows Missy a particularly cool photo.


MISSY
Gorgeous. Just gorgeous.

DEAN
I love this one.

ROSE
Which one?

Dean turns the camera around and it’s a beautiful picture of
Rose.

CHRIS
That was taken the day we met.

ROSE
I was volunteering at the blood
drive.
23.


MISSY
How long ago was that?

DEAN
So...? Are you guys in love or
what?

ROSE
Really, Dad..?


CHRIS
We’ve been trying to take it slow
but...

Chris blushes. He looks at Rose. Rose can’t help but smile.

MISSY
Wouldn’t that be wonderful.

DEAN
(to Chris)
And what do your parents do?

CHRIS
My Dad was never really in the
picture. My mom passed away when I
was 11... Hit and run.

MISSY
How did she die?

CHRIS
Hit and Run.

MISSY DEAN
Oh, that’s awful. Sorry to hear that.

DEAN (CONT’D)
So young too.

CHRIS
--Actually I don’t remember a whole
lot from that time.

MISSY
It’s okay. We don’t need to talk
about that.

Missy stirs her glass. The spoon hits the side of the glass
creating a small...

TING TING TING TING
24.


Chris and Missy share a comforting look. They have an
unspoken connection.


Chris scratches the table nervously. Missy notices.

DEAN
You smoke Chris?

CHRIS
I’m quitting.

ROSE
This is why I stopped bringing guys
around.

MISSY
It’s okay, I’m not judging.

DEAN
Ugly habit though. You should have
Missy take care of that for you.

CHRIS
How?

DEAN
Hypnosis. She’s developed her own
system. It works like a charm.

CHRIS
Oh. Wow. Um...

ROSE
Believe it or not, some people
don’t want strangers all up in
their heads.

DEAN
I thought the whole thing was bull
shit too. I smoked for 15 years.
She puts me under once, now the
sight one makes me wanna vomit.


MISSY
Fall back, Dean.

CHRIS
I’m good, actually. Thank you
though.
25.


MISSY
Of course. I’m available for the
next two days if you change your
mind...

Georgina brings the pitcher of iced tea around and refills
everyone’s glass. She smiles and avoids eye contact.

DEAN
Smoker or not, we’re just glad you
could join us for the big get-
together.

ROSE
Oh shit. That’s this weekend?

CHRIS
What’s the get-together?

MISSY
Rose’s grandfather’s party.

DEAN
My Dad threw a shindig for his
friends once a year. Bocce ball,
horseshoes, badminton.


ROSE
It’s basically a bunch of rich old
people playing lawn games. Why
didn’t you tell me?

MISSY
It’s the same day every year
sweetheart.
(To Chris)
We kept it going after they died.
Makes us feel like they’re here
with us.

Georgina’s expression glazes over. Her head cocks a little,
and subtle flashes of fear cross her face. No one notices.

ROSE
I just wanted to bring him up on a
chill weekend.

CHRIS
Sounds like fun, actually.

Georgina has been pouring Chris’ drink too long and his glass
has overflown.
26.


MISSY
(concerned)
Georgina.

Georgina snaps out of her daze and starts to clean.

GEORGINA
I’m sorry. Look what I’ve done.
What a nincompoop.

MISSY
It’s fine, George. Just leave it.

GEORGINA
Oh, I can’t leave that there.

MISSY
--Yes you can. Why don’t you go lie
down.

GEORGINA
I think I will.

Georgina nods, smiles and walks away. Chris and Rose look at
Dean. That was odd. Dean shrugs.

JEREMY (O.S.)
What’s up, FAM?!?

MISSY
Jeremy’s home.

JEREMY, 29, rounds the house with open arms. He’s “Rich kid
intense”; handsome with an unpredictable wildness behind his
eyes.

JEREMY
Who answers the door around here?!
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary The scene takes place on an outdoor patio during the day, where Dean, Missy, Chris, and Rose sit and chat over iced teas. Chris and Rose reveal they are in love, and Dean asks Chris about his parents, learning that his mom passed away when he was 11 due to a hit and run. Georgina, a nervous server, refills their glasses while Jeremy, Missy's son, arrives home and greets the group. The tone is friendly and welcoming, with a hint of sadness when Chris shares about his mother's passing, and minor conflicts arise from Chris' revelation and Georgina's behavior.
Strengths
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Humor
  • Dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly forced or cliched at times

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, tension, and emotional depth, providing insight into the characters' backgrounds and relationships. The introduction of Jeremy adds intrigue and sets up potential conflicts for future scenes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family gathering serves as a backdrop for exploring relationships, past traumas, and societal norms. The use of hypnosis for smoking cessation adds a unique element to the scene, highlighting the characters' quirks and vulnerabilities.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the family gathering and the interactions between the characters. It sets up potential conflicts and reveals important backstory elements that could impact future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh dynamics and conflicts within the family setting, such as the discussion about hypnosis and the tension between Rose and her family. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original, adding depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and showcase a range of emotions, vulnerabilities, and quirks. Their interactions reveal depth and complexity, adding layers to the story.

Character Changes: 7

The characters show vulnerability, growth, and emotional depth in the scene. Chris opens up about his past, revealing a more vulnerable side, while Rose showcases her protective instincts and family dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the dynamics of his new relationship with Rose's family and to connect with them on a deeper level. This reflects his desire for acceptance and approval from Rose's family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to make a good impression on Rose's family and to integrate himself into their social circle. This reflects the immediate challenge of fitting in with a new group of people.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The scene contains subtle conflicts related to family dynamics, societal expectations, and personal vulnerabilities. The tension between characters adds depth to the interactions and sets up potential conflicts for future scenes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, with subtle obstacles and challenges that keep the audience engaged and unsure of how the characters will navigate them.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics, relationships, and personal vulnerabilities. However, the introduction of Jeremy adds an element of unpredictability and potential conflict.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new characters, setting up potential conflicts, and revealing important backstory elements. It deepens the relationships between the characters and sets the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle shifts in character dynamics and the unexpected reactions from the characters, such as Georgina's sudden outburst and Jeremy's arrival.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Dean's belief in hypnosis as a solution to smoking and Rose's skepticism towards it. This challenges the characters' beliefs about personal autonomy and the effectiveness of alternative therapies.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including warmth, tension, and vulnerability. The characters' interactions and revelations create an emotional connection with the audience, setting up potential emotional arcs for future scenes.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, with a mix of humor, tension, and emotional depth. It reveals important information about the characters' pasts and relationships while setting up potential conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the naturalistic dialogue, subtle character dynamics, and underlying tensions that keep the audience invested in the characters' interactions and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest, with a natural rhythm of dialogue and action that keeps the scene moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a dialogue-heavy outdoor patio scene, with clear character cues and descriptions of actions and reactions. The formatting enhances the readability and clarity of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and interaction, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative forward. The structure is effective in conveying the dynamics between the characters.


Critique
  • There is an awkward transition between the end of the previous scene and the beginning of this one.
  • The dialogue is a bit clunky in places, such as when Dean asks Chris about his parents and then Missy asks how his mother died.
  • The characters' reactions to Georgina's strange behavior are a bit underwhelming, especially given the fact that it's the first time they've seen her behave that way.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot or develop the characters in any significant way.
  • The ending of the scene is abrupt and leaves the reader with a sense of anticlimax.
Suggestions
  • The scene could start with a brief recap of the previous scene, to help the reader orient themselves.
  • The dialogue could be rewritten to be more natural and fluid.
  • The characters' reactions to Georgina's strange behavior could be more nuanced and interesting.
  • The scene could be given a more definite ending, such as having Chris and Rose leave the party or having Jeremy arrive and interrupt them.
  • The scene could add some foreshadowing of the events to come in the film.



Scene 11 - Jeremy's Drunken Outburst at Dinner
INT. ARMITAGE DINING ROOM - LATER/NIGHT

Everyone but Rose laughs. She holds her face in
embarrassment.

Dean pours the remainder of a bottle of wine into Chris’
glass. Their meal is done and they are tipsy.

ROSE
Okay, enough.

JEREMY
“Enough?” We’re just getting
started. Let’s see. What else?
(MORE)
27.

JEREMY (CONT'D)
What else? Did she tell you about
her toenail collection?

ROSE
Oh my God!!!

CHRIS
What?

JEREMY
She’d bite em off with her teeth
and suck on them and save them in
her jewelry box.

ROSE
No I didn’t.

JEREMY
Yes you did, liar.

Rose throws her napkin at Jeremy as he pops the cork on a new
bottle. Dean and Missy try not to laugh.

CHRIS
That’s really disgusting.

ROSE
(to Jeremy)
I hate you so much.

JEREMY
(to Rose)
Love you too.
(to Chris)
Oh, okay. Here’s a good one. Let me
set the scene. It was our junior
year and Rose has a crush on this
guy Conner Garfield.

ROSE
--No. Mom.

MISSY
Jeremy...

CHRIS
No, no... These are good. I wanna
hear this.

DEAN
Manners, Rose. Give the guest what
he wants.

He winks at Rose warmly.
28.


JEREMY
SO, Conner’s from my lacrosse team.
Huge kid, like 6’3”, and pretty
dumb, right? We threw a party--

ROSE
You threw a party.

JEREMY
--I think my parents were in Greece
or something. We raided their
liquor cabinet and we’re all shit-
faced. Like 15 of us.

MISSY
Ha! No you weren’t. Were you?

JEREMY
We put water in the bottles so you
wouldn’t know. Let me finish. So
I’m upstairs in my parents’
bathroom hooking up with Jean
Deely, hottest girl in our class.

MISSY
Ugh.

ROSE
You realize you’re coming off like
a douche right now, right?

JEREMY
Thanks. All of a sudden Connor
starts banging on the bathroom
door, right? I open it, and he’s
got blood gushing out of his mouth
and he’s screaming “Your thith-ter
bit my fuckin’ thongue off!!!!”

CHRIS
Whoa, what?

JEREMY
Sure enough, there is a centimeter
of tongue meat missing right here.

Jeremy demonstrates and Chris winces.

CHRIS
(to Rose)
Ahhhh! You bit him?
29.


ROSE
He cornered me and shoved his
tongue in my mouth, so yeah.

CHRIS
That’s badass.

DEAN
I never heard about that.

JEREMY
I made him clean up the blood.

Jeremy locks into Chris, intensely.

MISSY
Well, I’m going to see how dessert
is coming along.
(To Dean)
Maybe we can change the
conversation to something a little
lighter.

Missy walks out of the dining room into the kitchen. The
door swings open and Chris gets a glimpse of Georgina who
stands in a daze looking at the ceiling. The door swings
shut.


DEAN
Chris, what’s your sport?
Football...? Baseball?

CHRIS
Ah, Basketball, I guess. I don’t
know; not really into sports
though.

JEREMY
You an MMA fan?

ROSE
Dude.

JEREMY
What?

DEAN
She’s right. Let someone else talk
for a bit.
30.


JEREMY
He’s dating my sister! You’ve had
your chance; I can’t bond with the
guy?

Dean exhales.

CHRIS
You mean like UFC? Yeah, nah. Too
brutal for me.

JEREMY
You ever get into street fights as
a kid?

CHRIS
Not really. I did take Judo for
after-school in 1st grade.

ROSE
Awww.

JEREMY
Cause, with your frame, your
genetic make-up? If you pushed
your body, I mean really trained,
you’d be a fucking beast.

The kitchen door swings open again, and Missy walks back in
with a perfect carrot cake. Georgina is gone.

MISSY
What’d I miss?

ROSE
A lot of nothing.

JEREMY
We’re talking about sports.
(to Chris)
See the thing about jiu-jitsu, is
that strength doesn’t matter. All
that matters is this.


Jeremy points to his head and stares Chris down.

JEREMY (CONT’D)
It’s a strategic game like chess.
It’s all about being two, three,
even four moves ahead.

CHRIS
Cool.
31.


JEREMY
Stand up. Let me show you
something.

MISSY
No karate at the dinner table.

JEREMY
It’s not karate.

He stumbles a little towards Chris and tries to put him in a
headlock. Chris stands.

CHRIS
I’ve got a rule. I don’t play-fight
with drunk dudes.

JEREMY
I’m just--

DEAN
--Alright enough, Jeremy.

Dean is loud and stern for the first time. Jeremy’s eyes
flutter, DRUNK and embarrassed.

JEREMY
I wasn’t going to hurt him.

He grabs a wine bottle and goes upstairs...

DEAN
Well... one more bottle?
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary The scene takes place in the Armitage dining room at night, where everyone gathers after a meal. The group, excluding Rose, laughs at Jeremy's story about Rose's toenail collection. Jeremy, who is drunk, shares an embarrassing story about Rose's junior year crush, Conner Garfield. Chris, the newcomer, tries to avoid conflict while Dean acts as the peacemaker, keeping the conversation light. Jeremy's behavior escalates when he tries to put Chris in a headlock, but Dean intervenes, telling Jeremy to stop. The scene ends with Jeremy storming off upstairs with a wine bottle.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character interactions
  • Revealing character personalities
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot advancement
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, light-heartedness, and character dynamics to create an engaging and entertaining moment. The revelations and interactions keep the audience entertained and invested in the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family dinner revealing embarrassing stories and showcasing character dynamics is well-executed. It adds depth to the characters and provides insight into their relationships.

Plot: 7

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it adds depth to the characters and their relationships. It serves as a moment of character development and interaction.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on family dynamics and social interactions, with a mix of humor and awkwardness that feels authentic and relatable. The characters' actions and dialogue are original and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions. The sibling dynamic between Rose and Jeremy is particularly engaging, adding humor and depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, it does provide insights into the characters' personalities and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and control over the situation, despite feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable. This reflects her desire to fit in and be accepted by her boyfriend's family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the awkward and embarrassing situation with grace and humor, while also trying to impress her boyfriend's family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, mostly revolving around playful banter and embarrassing revelations. It adds humor and light-heartedness to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting personalities and goals creating tension and conflict. The audience is left unsure of how the interactions will unfold.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character dynamics and humor than on high-stakes conflicts or events.

Story Forward: 6

The scene doesn't move the main plot forward significantly, but it adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' interactions. The humor and tension keep the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of social acceptance and the pressure to conform to societal norms. The protagonist is challenged by the expectations of her boyfriend's family and the need to maintain a certain image.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to embarrassment to warmth. The interactions between the characters create an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities. It drives the scene forward and keeps the audience entertained.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, playful banter, and underlying tension between the characters. The interactions feel authentic and draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor with tension and keeping the audience engaged. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions adds to the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for its genre, with clear dialogue and character interactions that drive the narrative forward. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene starts off strong with the build-up of Jeremy's story, but the pacing slows down significantly in the middle with the anecdote about Conner Garfield. This could potentially be broken up into a separate scene or shortened to maintain the momentum.
  • The dialogue, while witty and engaging, could benefit from more subtext and tension to reflect the underlying racial dynamics present in the story. This could be achieved by having the characters navigate their conversations more carefully, especially when discussing topics like sports and martial arts.
  • The scene could also benefit from a clearer visual structure, with more deliberate blocking and staging to emphasize the power dynamics at play. For example, having Chris and Jeremy's confrontation take place at the dinner table, with the rest of the family watching, could create a more charged atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the Conner Garfield anecdote or moving it to another scene to maintain the pacing and tension in this scene.
  • Explore opportunities to incorporate subtext and tension in the dialogue, particularly when discussing topics that touch on racial stereotypes or assumptions.
  • Experiment with the visual structure of the scene, using blocking and staging to emphasize character interactions and power dynamics.



Scene 12 - Intimate Moment in Rose's Bedroom: Navigating Family Dynamics and Building a Future Together
EXT. THE ESTATE. NIGHT

Full moon. CRICKETS.


INT. ROSE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Chris lays in Rose’s bed looking at Rose’s computer. Rose
brushes her teeth in the bathroom. She says something
unintelligible.

ROSE
I mean, he was going to put you in
a headlock? What the fuck! He’s
never talked to any of my
boyfriends like that.

CHRIS
Mmm hmm.
32.


Chris smiles.

ROSE
And my Dad! He must’ve called you
“My man” eight times today. Eight.

CHRIS
Yep.

ROSE
Even my Mom is like borderline rude
to Georgina, right? Chris, what the
fuck?!?


Chris bites his tongue.

ROSE (CONT’D)
Well?

CHRIS
I told you so.

Rose pouts.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
I wasn’t going to say it.

ROSE
Chris.

CHRIS
Come here.

Rose comes to him.

ROSE
How are you so calm?

CHRIS
Honestly. It could be so much
worse. At least they’re trying.

ROSE
They are. They love you.

CHRIS
I can tell. At the end of the day,
that’s more than can be said for a
lot of people.

He pulls her on top of him.
33.


CHRIS (CONT’D)
I like you on your racial flow tho.

They kiss.

ROSE
I’m worried about tomorrow. The
party? What if it gets worse?

CHRIS
I’m good. How bad could it be?

Chris pulls her on top of him and she kisses him.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
You’re minty.

They kiss again.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
You know, with my genetic makeup...

They wrestle and she pulls off her shirt.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this intimate scene, Chris and Rose share a private moment in her bedroom at her family's estate. They discuss the challenges of her family's behavior towards him, with her father being overly friendly and her mother being rude to his ex-girlfriend. Despite these issues, Chris remains calm and appreciative, while Rose expresses her concerns. They share a kiss and engage in playful banter, eventually leading to a more intimate moment as Rose takes off her shirt. The scene ends with a sense of worry about the future, particularly in regards to a party they will attend together tomorrow.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor, romance, and tension, providing insight into the characters' emotions and relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of navigating interracial relationships and meeting the partner's family is well-executed, adding depth to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters prepare for a significant event, setting the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on interracial relationships and family dynamics, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, showcasing their vulnerabilities, strengths, and unique personalities.

Character Changes: 7

The characters show vulnerability and growth, particularly in their interactions and expressions of love and acceptance.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and navigate the complexities of his relationship with Rose's family. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and understanding in a potentially hostile environment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to reassure Rose and maintain a sense of normalcy amidst the tension with her family. This reflects the immediate challenge of fitting in and avoiding conflict.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a subtle conflict present in the scene, mainly revolving around the characters' fears and uncertainties about meeting the family.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is subtle, with underlying tensions and conflicts that add complexity to the characters' relationships and motivations.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high, the emotional stakes are significant as the characters navigate their relationship and meeting the family.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting up potential conflicts and resolutions, particularly in the context of meeting the family.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional shifts and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the outcome of Chris and Rose's relationship.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's identity and how it is perceived by others. The tension between acceptance and judgment challenges his beliefs about race, relationships, and family dynamics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to tenderness to anxiety, creating a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, reflecting the characters' emotions and relationships while also providing moments of humor and intimacy.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable characters, authentic dialogue, and emotional stakes that draw the audience into the intimate moment between Chris and Rose.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for moments of intimacy and reflection to resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for intimate character interactions, with a clear progression of dialogue and actions that build tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Rose and Chris feels a bit repetitive, with Rose mainly asking questions and Chris responding with short answers. This could be expanded to include more details and reactions from both characters.
  • The conflict about the party being worse tomorrow feels a bit underdeveloped and abrupt. It would be helpful to provide more context and build up the tension leading up to the party.
  • The transition from talking about the party to Chris making a joke and pulling Rose on top of him feels a bit disjointed. Consider adding a smoother transition or finding a more natural way to shift the mood.
  • The line "You're minty" feels a bit out of place and could be replaced with something more relevant to the conversation or the situation.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Chris and Rose wrestling and her pulling off her shirt. This could be expanded to provide more context or lead into the next scene more smoothly.
Suggestions
  • Expand the dialogue between Rose and Chris to include more details and reactions from both characters. For example, Rose could express her concerns about her family's behavior in more depth, and Chris could provide more specific examples of his experiences.
  • Develop the conflict about the party being worse tomorrow by providing more context and building up the tension. For example, Rose could mention specific concerns she has about the guests or the atmosphere of the party.
  • Add a smoother transition from talking about the party to Chris making a joke and pulling Rose on top of him. For example, Chris could make a playful remark about how he's going to make her forget about her worries, or Rose could initiate the physical contact.
  • Replace the line "You're minty" with something more relevant to the conversation or the situation. For example, Chris could compliment Rose on her perfume or her smile.
  • Expand the scene ending to provide more context or lead into the next scene more smoothly. For example, Chris and Rose could continue wrestling and start kissing, or they could discuss their plans for the next day.



Scene 13 - Chris's Late Night Sneak and Conversation with Missy
EXT. ARMITAGE ESTATE - NIGHT

All the lights are off in the house. Crickets chirp.


INT. ROSE’S BEDROOM - LATER

Rose sleeps, but Chris is wide awake. There’s a buzz in his
ear. He smacks his own head and sits up. A stuffed lion seems
to watch Chris from atop her dresser. He turns it away. A
soft HOWL of WIND rushes through the room. The CLOSET DOOR
CREEKS open.

Chris’ eyes drift to the pack of cigarettes sticking out of
his camera bag pocket draped on the desk chair.


INT. ARMITAGE HOME - NIGHT

Chris leaves Rose’s room and walks down the dark hallway. A
floorboard creaks under his feet. He turns down the stairs.


INT. ARMITAGE DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Chris gets to the bottom of the stairs. Chris continues to
walk down the hallway past the pictures towards the kitchen.
34.


INT. ARMITAGE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Chris walks through the kitchen and continues out back door
of the house.


EXT. BACKYARD - CONTINUOUS

Chris steps out the back door and takes a cigarette out.
Chris looks into the vast night around him. The CRICKETS are
deafening.


Suddenly, Chris hears a RUNNING NOISE in the distance. Chris
peers out into the darkness. A moment of terror comes over
Chris. He makes out a shape. It’s now running towards him.
Chris backs up in fear. It gets closer and closer. When it’s
just 10 feet away, the moonlight reveals a now very close
Walter, the grounds keeper who continues running by. Chris
gathers his breath.

Chris turns back towards the kitchen window lights up from
inside. He finds himself face to face with Georgina who,
with teeth exposed in a frightening grimace, glares through
the window dead in Chris’ eyes. He drops his cigarette.
Caught.


INT. ARMITAGE LAUNDRY ROOM - NIGHT

Georgina sucks her teeth. She doesn’t actually see Chris at
all. She examines her teeth in the reflection in the window
which, front lit, reflects her and the room around her.
Outside is invisible.


EXT. BACKYARD - NIGHT

Chris realizes he’s not caught. Close call. Inside Georgina
begins to do laundry. Chris quietly sneaks around the house.


INT. ARMITAGE HALLWAY - NIGHT

Chris sneaks in through the door in the dark dining room.
Chris moves down the hallway past Missy’s office. The desk
lamp turns on. Missy sits inside drinking a cup of tea.

MISSY
Do you know how dangerous smoking
is, Chris?

Chris is startled; caught; for real this time.
35.


CHRIS
Yeah. Yeah I do.

MISSY
You alright?

CHRIS
Yeah, why?

MISSY
You seem a little jumpy, nervous.

CHRIS
I’m not nervous. That dude Walter
running out there scared me. And
Georg--

Georgina comes by with a teapot.

GEORGINA
Can I get you a cup.

CHRIS
Nah, I’m good. It’ll keep me up.

MISSY
Come in.

Chris comes in.
Genres: ["Thriller","Mystery","Drama"]

Summary Chris, unable to sleep, goes outside to smoke and gets frightened by the groundskeeper Walter and later by Georgina. He is then caught by Missy and invited into her office for a talk, shifting the tone of the scene from tense to relaxed.
Strengths
  • Building suspense
  • Creating tension
  • Revealing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds suspense and tension through the use of setting, sound, and character interactions. It keeps the audience engaged and curious about what will happen next.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Chris sneaking around the estate at night adds depth to the story and reveals more about the characters and their dynamics. It introduces a sense of danger and mystery.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Chris explores the estate at night, encountering Georgina and Missy. It adds layers to the story and sets up potential conflicts and revelations.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to the thriller genre, unique character dynamics, and authentic dialogue that adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Chris, Georgina, and Missy are well-developed in this scene, each adding to the tension and mystery. Their interactions reveal more about their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 6

Chris experiences moments of fear and tension, which may lead to subtle changes in his character. His interactions with Georgina and Missy reveal different aspects of his personality.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the strange and unsettling environment of the Armitage Estate while dealing with his own fears and suspicions. This reflects his deeper need for safety and understanding in a situation that is increasingly becoming more threatening.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid being caught by the mysterious characters in the house and to uncover the secrets that lie within the Armitage Estate. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of survival and discovery.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Chris and the eerie elements of the estate, as well as the tension with Missy, creates a high level of conflict in the scene. It keeps the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple obstacles and challenges that keep the audience guessing and create a sense of danger and unpredictability.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes in the scene involve Chris navigating the dark estate, encountering unsettling characters, and facing potential dangers. The tension and suspense raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements and conflicts, setting up future events and character dynamics. It adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's journey, the mysterious behavior of the characters, and the constant sense of danger and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between appearances and reality, as the protagonist is faced with characters who seem friendly but may have sinister intentions. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in trust and perception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and curiosity in the audience, leading to a moderate emotional impact. The eerie atmosphere and character interactions contribute to the emotional depth.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Missy and Chris adds to the suspense and reveals underlying tensions. It keeps the audience engaged and enhances the atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, intriguing character dynamics, and the gradual reveal of secrets that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm that builds tension and suspense, keeps the audience engaged, and leads to a climactic moment that propels the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the conventions of the screenplay format, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue that enhance the readability and flow of the script.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a suspenseful thriller, with a gradual escalation of tension and a clear progression of events that lead to a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Chris waking up and leaving Rose's room, but it's not clear why he's awake or what he's doing. It would be helpful to add some context or motivation for his actions.
  • The description of the setting is brief and could be expanded to create a more vivid and immersive atmosphere. Consider adding details about the sounds, smells, and visuals of the environment to help the reader visualize the scene.
  • The dialogue between Chris and Missy is somewhat stilted and unnatural. It would be more engaging to make the dialogue flow more smoothly and add some subtext or tension between the characters.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Chris entering Missy's office, and it's not clear what's going to happen next. It would be more satisfying to provide some foreshadowing or a hint of the conflict or tension that will drive the rest of the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear focus or purpose. It's not clear what Chris's goals are or what he's trying to achieve. Consider adding a specific objective or conflict to give the scene more direction and momentum.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief description of Chris's thoughts or feelings as he wakes up and leaves Rose's room. This could help the reader understand his motivations for his actions.
  • Expand the description of the setting by adding details about the lighting, colors, and textures of the environment. This could help create a more immersive and atmospheric experience for the reader.
  • Revise the dialogue between Chris and Missy to make it more natural and engaging. Consider adding some subtext or tension between the characters to create a sense of conflict or intrigue.
  • Add a brief moment of foreshadowing or a hint of the conflict or tension that will drive the rest of the scene. This could help create a sense of anticipation and excitement for the reader.
  • Give Chris a specific objective or conflict to drive the scene. This could be something as simple as trying to get information from Missy or trying to avoid being caught by someone.



Scene 14 - A Nighttime Conversation on Heightened Suggestibility and Memory
INT. MISSY’S OFFICE - NIGHT

Georgina Missy and Chris sit across from each other. Georgina
pouring tea pot.

MISSY
I’ve got it Georgina.

GEORGINA
Of course.

Georgina leaves. Missy starts stirring sugar into her tea.


MISSY
They’re both obsessive
compulsive... They get up too
early.

CHRIS
What about you?
36.


MISSY
I just can’t sleep.

CHRIS
Me neither.

MISSY
Is it the bed?

CHRIS
Nah, the bed’s fine.

MISSY
Comfortable enough?

CHRIS
It’s perfect, thanks.

MISSY
Enough sheets?

CHRIS
Yep.

Chris’ scratches the chair. Missy notices.

MISSY
Wanna know how it works?

Missy puts two sugar cubes in her cup. She begins to stir
slowly, CLINKING the SPOON softly and rhythmically against
the sides of the cup.

TinG TINg. TinG tinG.

CHRIS
What, do you swing a pocket watch
in front of people’s faces?

MISSY
You watch a lot of Television. Now,
you are feeling very sleeepy...

TinG tinG. TinG tinG.

They share a smile.

MISSY (CONT’D)
We do use focal points sometimes,
but just about any object or simple
motion can guide someone to a state
of heightened suggestibility.
37.


CHRIS
Heightened suggestibility.

MISSY
That’s right. Why do you wanna try?

CHRIS
Nope. Definitely not for me.

MISSY
I understand. Now do you smoke in
front of Rose?

CHRIS
Huh.

TING TING. TING TING.

MISSY
Yeah, she’s my kid...

CHRIS
Yeah, I’m gonna quit.

MISSY
What was your relationship with
your mother like?

CHRIS
Um I don’t. Wait, are you?

MISSY
Tell me, it’s alright. What was you
relationship with your mother like?

CHRIS
Yeah... She worked all the time.
She was funny. She loved me.

MISSY
Where were you when she died?

TING TING TING TING

CHRIS
I don’t wanna think about that.

MISSY
The mind goes where it wants to.

CHRIS
Home; watching TV.
38.


MISSY
And what do you hear?

CHRIS
Rain.

MISSY
It’s been raining a while.

CHRIS
Yes.

MISSY
Hear that. Hear the rain. What does
it sound like? Hear it, Hear it...
Find it... Tell me when you find
it.

The sound of RAIN AGAINST a WINDOW slowly fades up along with
the MUFFLED sound of a SITCOM ON TELEVISION.

CHRIS
Okay... Yeah, I found it.

TING TING. TING TING.

MISSY
How old were you?

CHRIS
Eleven.

MISSY
Good. You’re eleven. Now touch.
Feel your surroundings. Feel every
part of your body and what you
touched. Feel it. Find it... Tell
me when you find it...
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In Missy's office at night, Missy and Chris converse while Missy makes tea. They discuss sleep problems and Missy introduces the concept of heightened suggestibility. Missy inquires about Chris's relationship with his mother, leading Chris to recall his mother's death while hearing rain. Missy's authoritative tone and Chris's skepticism give way to intimacy and trust.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too cryptic or vague

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the dialogue and interactions between characters, keeping the audience engaged and curious.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using tea and hypnotic techniques to manipulate and control someone's mind is innovative and adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters' motives and dynamics are further revealed, adding layers to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the use of hypnosis in storytelling, blending elements of psychological thriller and drama. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' interactions and responses to the situation showcase their personalities and motivations effectively.

Character Changes: 7

Chris begins to feel the effects of Missy's manipulation, hinting at potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover Chris's past traumas and fears through hypnosis. This reflects Missy's desire to control and manipulate others for her own gain.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince Chris to try hypnosis. This reflects the immediate challenge of gaining Chris's trust and cooperation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a subtle conflict underlying the conversation between Missy and Chris, adding to the tension of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Missy's manipulation and Chris's resistance creating conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are subtly hinted at through the psychological manipulation at play.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters' motives and relationships.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the conversation and the revelation of Chris's hidden fears and emotions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the ethical dilemma of using hypnosis to manipulate someone's thoughts and emotions. This challenges Chris's beliefs about free will and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unease and curiosity, engaging the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging and serves to build tension and reveal important information about the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters and the gradual reveal of Chris's past traumas. The dialogue is sharp and keeps the audience intrigued.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of revelation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear dialogue and character interactions. It maintains a good pace and rhythm.


Critique
  • The dialogue is a bit stiff and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way people actually talk. For example, Missy's line "We do use focal points sometimes, but just about any object or simple motion can guide someone to a state of heightened suggestibility." is very formal and clinical. It doesn't sound like something that someone would say in a normal conversation.
  • The pacing of the scene is a bit slow. There's a lot of exposition and not a lot of action. This can make the scene feel draggy and boring.
  • The scene lacks conflict. Chris and Missy are just sitting around talking. There's no tension or drama.
  • The ending of the scene is anticlimactic. Chris simply agrees to quit smoking. There's no sense of resolution or catharsis.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational.
  • Add more action to the scene. For example, you could have Chris and Missy get up and walk around the room, or you could have them interact with other characters.
  • Introduce some conflict into the scene. For example, you could have Chris and Missy disagree about something, or you could have Chris be confronted by his past.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending. For example, you could have Chris have a breakthrough moment, or you could have him make a difficult decision.



Scene 15 - Chris' Fear and Reluctance to Seek Help
FLASHBACK - INT. SMALL APARTMENT - NIGHT

Close on 11 year old Chris’ hands scratches the bed post
nervously.


MISSY (V.O.)
Tell me when you find it.

CHRIS (V.O.)
I found it.

His toes brush the carpet as his dangling legs swing off the
57 side of his bed.
39.


TING TING. TING TING.

PRESENT DAY - INT. MISSY’S OFFICE. - NIGHT

Chris’ feet try to swing but are too long. He scratches the
arm of the chair in Missy’s office.

MISSY
Are you alone?

CHRIS
Yes.

MISSY
Where’s your mom?

CHRIS
She’s late.

MISSY
Well, where is she?

CHRIS
Something’s wrong. She’s still not
home.

MISSY
What did you do?

CHRIS
Nothing.

MISSY
Nothing?

CHRIS
I just sat there.

MISSY
You didn’t call anyone?

CHRIS
No.

MISSY
Your Aunt?

CHRIS
No.

MISSY
Why not?
40.


CHRIS
I don’t know. I thought if I did,
it would make it real.

TING TING. TING TING.

MISSY
Good. Do you see it? Do you see the
phone?

Chris doesn’t answer.

MISSY (CONT’D)
You need to see it. See it. See it.
Find it.

Chris’ continues to scratch the armchair.

TING TING. TING TING
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a tense and anxious scene, 11-year-old Chris flashes back to searching for something under his bed while in the present, he is in Missy's office, revealing his mother hasn't come home yet. Conflicted about calling for help, Chris expresses his fear and reluctance, leaving the conflict unresolved. Missy encourages Chris to find a phone and call for help, trying to resolve his internal conflict.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Psychological exploration
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally charged and provides deep insight into Chris' character, setting up a foundation for future developments. The psychological aspect adds depth and intrigue to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring Chris' past trauma and vulnerability through a psychological conversation is innovative and engaging. It adds layers to the character and the overall story.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by revealing Chris' inner struggles and past experiences, deepening the audience's understanding of his character. It sets the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a fresh approach to the familiar theme of a child facing a crisis, with a focus on internal struggle and psychological depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Chris and Missy, are well-developed in this scene. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion, making them compelling and relatable.

Character Changes: 7

Chris undergoes emotional introspection and vulnerability in this scene, revealing a deeper layer of his character. It sets the stage for potential growth and development as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to cope with the fear and uncertainty of his mother's absence. It reflects his deeper need for security and stability, as well as his fear of facing the reality of a potentially troubling situation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find his mother or understand what has happened to her. It reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a crisis situation and the need to take action.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is internal conflict within Chris, the scene focuses more on emotional and psychological tension rather than external conflicts. The conflict arises from Chris' past trauma and vulnerability.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external obstacles that challenge his beliefs and actions, creating suspense and uncertainty for the audience.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are more internal and emotional in this scene, focusing on Chris' past trauma and vulnerability. While there are no immediate external threats, the emotional stakes are high for the character.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Chris and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's unexpected actions and the unresolved tension surrounding his mother's disappearance.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between facing reality and avoiding it. The protagonist's reluctance to call for help stems from a belief that acknowledging the situation will make it real, highlighting a tension between denial and acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, delving into Chris' deep-seated emotions and vulnerabilities. It evokes empathy and connection with the character, drawing the audience into his inner world.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, particularly in Missy's conversation with Chris. It conveys deep emotions and psychological themes effectively, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, suspenseful atmosphere, and relatable conflict that keeps the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, allowing for moments of reflection and emotional impact, and maintaining a sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions that enhance readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The flashback and present-day scenes are not clearly differentiated, which can be confusing for the reader.
  • The dialogue is repetitive and lacks subtext, especially Missy's questions.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or objective, making it feel aimless.
  • Chris's motivations are unclear. Why doesn't he call his aunt or do anything to find his mother?
  • The sound effects (TING TING) are distracting and don't add anything to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Add a visual or auditory cue to differentiate between the flashback and present-day scenes.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and revealing of the characters' inner thoughts and feelings.
  • Introduce a clear conflict or objective for the scene, such as Chris trying to find his mother or Missy trying to manipulate him.
  • Provide more backstory or context to explain Chris's motivations and actions.
  • Remove or revise the sound effects to make them less distracting and more meaningful.



Scene 16 - Chris's Overwhelming Guilt and Fear
FLASHBACK - INT. SMALL APARTMENT - NIGHT

11-year-old Chris scratches through the wood on his bed,
splintering a piece of the wood off. He watches TV from his
bed next to some action figures. Chris looks at a telephone.

MISSY (V.O.)
Tell me when--

11-year-old Chris nods.

TING TING. TING TING.


PRESENT DAY - INT. MISSY’S OFFICE. NIGHT

Chris nods and cries.

CHRIS
--I see it.

MISSY
You’re scared.

Chris nods.

MISSY (CONT’D)
(realizing)
You think it was your fault.

Chris nods.

Chris’ hand scratching the chair intensifies.
41.


CHRIS
I can’t move.

MISSY
You can’t move.

He nods.

MISSY (CONT’D)
That’s good. Now sink into the
floor.

CHRIS
Wait I--

MISSY
Sink.

TING TING...

Chris’ hand has compulsively scratched open the arm of the
chair. His hand stops. His mouth drops and eyes open, frozen.


FLASHBACK - INT. SMALL APARTMENT - NIGHT

...TING TING.

Suddenly, 11-year-old Chris falls through the bed and floor.

END FLASHBACK


INT. DARKNESS

Terror. Chris, 26 again, breathes fast but falls in slow
motion though darkness as if through water

He flails towards a pitch black abyss. He’s illuminated by
the fading blue flicker of a large downward facing TV-like
screen. On it Missy sits speaking to him and clinking her
teacup.

Missy’s voice is everywhere.


PRESENT DAY - INT. MISSY’S OFFICE. NIGHT

Chris’ body sits in his chair motionless. He can’t move. His
eyes are wide open, staring straight at Missy.
42.


INT. DARKNESS

Chris continues to slowly fall backwards away from the
screen. All of a sudden his body stops is the space. He turns
upright. He’s frozen in stasis.

CHRIS
No! NO!!! I’m done! Bring me back!
Please!!!!

He looks up. He can still see the screen above but it is far
away, like the mouth of a deep and expansive well.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
(whispering)
Bring me back. Bring me back. Bring
me back. Bring me back. Bring me
back. Bring me back. Bring me back.
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary The scene opens with a flashback to 11-year-old Chris, filled with tension and guilt, as he scratches through the wood on his bed and speaks to Missy over the phone. In the present day, Chris, now grown, is in Missy's office, overcome with emotion and unable to move. The scene ends with Chris plummeting through darkness, begging to be rescued, highlighting his ongoing struggle with fear and guilt.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Effective exploration of trauma and guilt
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion due to the nonlinear narrative structure

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, delving into Chris' past trauma and emotional turmoil, creating a sense of terror and intensity that grips the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring repressed memories and psychological manipulation is executed effectively, adding depth to Chris' character and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Chris confronts his past and begins to unravel the mysteries surrounding his trauma, setting the stage for further revelations and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its approach to exploring trauma and guilt through surreal and symbolic elements. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Chris and Missy, are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion, enhancing the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 8

Chris undergoes a significant emotional transformation as he confronts his past and begins to process his feelings of guilt and fear.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to confront his feelings of guilt and fear surrounding a traumatic event from his past. This reflects his deeper need for closure and healing.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to overcome his physical and psychological paralysis and return to reality. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the therapy session.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The internal conflict within Chris, as he grapples with his past and feelings of guilt, creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces internal and external obstacles that challenge his beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident as Chris confronts his traumatic memories and faces the emotional repercussions of his past.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Chris' past and setting the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the surreal and dream-like elements, as well as the unexpected twists in the protagonist's journey towards self-discovery.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between acceptance and denial. The protagonist must come to terms with his past actions and take responsibility for them, or continue to deny his role in the traumatic event.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, sadness, and empathy, drawing the audience into Chris' traumatic experience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the characters' inner struggles and fears.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, surreal imagery, and the protagonist's struggle to confront his past.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the protagonist's emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the surreal and dream-like quality of the setting and events.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a non-linear format, incorporating flashbacks and dream sequences to convey the protagonist's internal struggle.


Critique
  • The scene is unclear and difficult to follow. It is not clear what is happening in the flashback or in the present day.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. It does not sound like the way people actually talk.
  • The characters are not well-developed. We do not learn anything about their motivations or goals.
  • The scene does not advance the plot. It is unclear what the purpose of the scene is.
  • The scene is too long. It could be shortened by cutting out the unnecessary dialogue and action.
Suggestions
  • Clarify what is happening in the flashback and in the present day. Use more specific language and provide more details.
  • Make the dialogue more natural. Use contractions and colloquialisms. Avoid using formal language.
  • Develop the characters more. Give them clear motivations and goals. Show us their personalities and relationships.
  • Advance the plot. Use the scene to move the story forward. Introduce new information or develop existing conflicts.
  • Shorten the scene. Cut out the unnecessary dialogue and action. Focus on the essential elements of the scene.



Scene 17 - Chris' Unease Grows as He Confronts the Strange Behavior of the Armitage Family
INT. MISSY’S OFFICE. CONTINUOUS

Missy stands. She walks towards Chris’ motionless body and
looks down at him through his own eyes.


INT. DARKNESS - CONTINUOUS

Chris looks up in the darkness. Missy comes towards him until
her face is close to the screen.

CHRIS
Mrs. Armitage!!!

MISSY
Now you are in the Sunken Place.

Missy reaches towards the screen and shuts his eyelids. The
abyss goes almost completely dark. Now he’s alone in the
dark. He cries in terror.


INT. ROSE’S BEDROOM - DAWN

Chris wakes up with a start in Rose’s bed, sweaty and
heaving. He’s alone and confused. Bad dream? Headache.

The shower runs inside Rose’s bathroom. SHE hums.

DING DING, DING DING

He’s gotten a message. It’s a picture of Rod pretending to
pour beer in Sid’s mouth. Chris smiles. The batteries are
low. He plugs his phone in and puts it on the dresser.
43.


EXT. WOODS - DAWN

It’s Golden hour. Beautiful. Chris walks through the yard to
the edge of the forest with his camera.

Chris keeps walking. He looks through a long-zoom lens into
the wilderness. He sees a bird and snaps a picture.


EXT. BACKYARD - MORNING

He walks from the woods towards to the house. Georgina can be
seen through an upstairs window knitting. Chris raises his
camera. She stands and begins admiring herself in a mirror.
She’s beautiful. She begins to remove her wig. Then as if
aware she’s being watched, she turns towards him. Chris turns
away, taking a picture in another direction. He glances back
at the window. Georgina is gone.

Chris sees Walter working about 50 feet away in the yard. He
walks towards Walter.

CHRIS
What’s up?

No response.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
They working you good out here,
huh?

WALTER
Nothing I don’t want to be doing.

Walter is different than we’d expect. He has a bold and
assaulting energy. Like he’s concealing a deep loathing with
over the top enthusiasm. Chilling. Chris is instantly taken
aback.

CHRIS
Yeah... I never really got to meet
you actually, up close. I’m Chris.

WALTER
I know who you are. You’re Rose’s
friend.

CHRIS
Yeah. Her boyfriend actually.So,
where you from originally?

WALTER
She is lovely isn’t she?
44.


CHRIS
Rose? Yeah, she is...

WALTER
One of a kind; top of the line. A
real doggone keeper.

CHRIS
Right.

WALTER
And did it work?

CHRIS
Did what work?

WALTER
You were in Mrs. Armitage’s office
for quite some time.

CHRIS
I don’t...

Chris remembers.

CHRIS (CONT’D)
Oh, yeah. Actually, I guess I had
too much wine last night. I don’t
really remember much.

WALTER
Well, I should get back to work,
and mind my own business.

Chris turns and walks away. He takes out a cigarette and puts
it in his mouth. He spits it out. Nasty.
Genres: ["Horror","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Chris, the main character, wakes up from a nightmare about the Sunken Place and receives a message from his friend Rod. As he explores the Armitage property, he takes pictures of the nature and Georgina, noticing her unusual awareness of his presence. Chris tries to make small talk with Walter, but Walter's distant and evasive behavior creates a sense of tension. The scene ends with Chris feeling uneasy and uncertain about his place in the Armitage family.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Exploring psychological manipulation
  • Creating a sense of unease and fear
  • Revealing character depth and complexity
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too cryptic or ambiguous for some viewers
  • The pacing may be slow for those seeking more immediate action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly effective in building tension, creating a sense of unease, and delving into the emotional turmoil of the protagonist. The introduction of the Sunken Place adds a new layer of horror and mystery to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the Sunken Place and the psychological manipulation explored in the scene are compelling and add depth to the story. The interactions with the housekeeper and groundskeeper hint at darker secrets within the Armitage estate.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Chris's sense of unease and fear intensifies, leading to a deeper exploration of the sinister forces at play within the Armitage household. The scene sets up important conflicts and reveals key character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to psychological horror and suspense, as well as its authentic portrayal of character dynamics and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Chris and Missy, are well-developed and intriguing. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and hint at hidden motivations. The introduction of the housekeeper and groundskeeper adds to the sense of mystery and tension.

Character Changes: 8

Chris undergoes a significant emotional journey in this scene, confronting his past trauma and facing new challenges within the Armitage household. His character development is compelling and sets the stage for further growth and revelations.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal in this scene is to make sense of the strange and unsettling experiences he is having, as well as to understand the intentions of the people around him. This reflects his deeper need for clarity, safety, and control in a situation that is increasingly chaotic and threatening.

External Goal: 7

Chris's external goal in this scene is to navigate the unfamiliar environment he finds himself in and to establish connections with the people he encounters. This reflects the immediate challenge of adapting to a new and potentially dangerous situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is both internal, as Chris grapples with his past trauma and current fears, and external, as he navigates the unsettling dynamics within the Armitage household. The tension is palpable and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters and events presenting obstacles and challenges that create uncertainty and conflict for the protagonist, keeping the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Chris confronts his fears, delves into the dark secrets of the Armitage estate, and faces psychological manipulation and isolation. The sense of danger and uncertainty is palpable, raising the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the mystery surrounding the Armitage family, revealing key character dynamics, and setting up important conflicts. It propels the narrative towards a more intense and suspenseful direction.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character interactions, revelations, and twists that challenge the audience's expectations and assumptions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, control, and power. Chris is confronted with individuals who seem to have ulterior motives and hidden agendas, challenging his beliefs about trust, agency, and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in relation to Chris's past trauma and current struggles. The sense of fear, confusion, and isolation is effectively conveyed, drawing the audience deeper into the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. The conversations between Chris and the other characters reveal underlying tensions and fears.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively builds suspense, reveals character motivations, and sets up intriguing conflicts that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of suspense and momentum, gradually building tension and intrigue through well-paced dialogue and action sequences.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions that enhance readability and visual clarity.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions that build tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Chris waking up from a nightmare, but it's not clear what the nightmare was about. This could be confusing for the reader.
  • The dialogue between Chris and Walter is stilted and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way people actually talk.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot. It's mostly just Chris and Walter talking about nothing important.
  • The scene ends with Chris spitting out a cigarette. This is a strange and unnecessary detail.
  • The transition between the previous scene and this scene is abrupt. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a brief description of Chris's nightmare. This will help the reader understand what's going on in his head.
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Chris and Walter to make it more natural and believable.
  • Add some conflict to the scene. This could be something as simple as Chris and Walter having a disagreement.
  • Remove the unnecessary detail about Chris spitting out a cigarette.
  • Add a smoother transition between the previous scene and this scene.



Scene 18 - Chris's Hypnosis and Walter's Hostility
INT. ROSE’S BEDROOM - DAY

Chris enters as Rose finishes blow drying her hair. He’s
worked up.

ROSE
Hi. Where have you been?

CHRIS
Out. Taking pictures. Hey, I think
your mom hypnotized me last night.

ROSE
Wait, what?
45.


CHRIS
(hazy)
Yeah, I must’ve gone out for some
air and run into her. I can barely
remember any of it, but now the
thought of a cigarette makes me
wanna throw up.

Rose tries to hide slight amusement.

ROSE
I’m sorry. I just can’t believe she
did that.

CHRIS
I had some fucked up dreams.

ROSE
Of what?

CHRIS
I was in a hole or something. I
couldn’t move.

ROSE
That happened to me too. When I was
a kid. She hypnotized me
once for stage fright, and I had
the craziest nightmares. It did
work though...

CHRIS
Yeah. Yeah, it worked. Hey, what’s
Walter’s deal?

ROSE
What do mean?

WALTER
I just talked to him. Dude’s whole
vibe was hostile.

ROSE
What do you mean?

CHRIS
I don’t know. Maybe he likes you.
Maybe he’s jealous or something?

ROSE
I’ve never gotten that... But, if
you think I have a chance..

Chris looks at her.
46.


ROSE (CONT’D)
I’ll talk to my Dad about it.

CHRIS
No, no, no. Don’t talk to your Dad.
It’s fine. It’s fine.

ROSE
I like that you’re threatened by
him.

CHRIS
I’m not threatened.

Rose hears and looks. Out the window, A PROCESSION OF CARS
DRIVES onto the front yard. Chris looks as well.

ROSE
Okay. Here we go; It begins...
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Chris enters Rose's bedroom and shares his suspicion that Rose's mom hypnotized him, causing strange dreams and an aversion to cigarettes. They discuss Chris's concerns about Walter's hostility, and Rose offers to talk to her dad. The scene ends with them looking out the window at a procession of cars driving onto the front yard.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Exploring psychological themes
  • Cryptic dialogue creating mystery
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too cryptic for clarity

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the discussion of Chris's hypnotic experience and the arrival of the procession of cars, setting the stage for future developments. The dialogue and character interactions contribute to a sense of unease and mystery.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of hypnosis and its effects on Chris, as well as the underlying tension within the Armitage family, are central to the scene. The exploration of past traumas and psychological manipulation adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Chris and Rose confront the aftermath of the hypnotic session, setting the stage for further revelations and conflicts within the family. The arrival of the procession of cars hints at escalating tensions and mysteries.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar scenario of social interactions and relationships but adds a mysterious and potentially supernatural element with Rose's mother's hypnotic actions. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue adds a fresh and relatable touch to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8