The Brutalist

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Drama, Historical, Romance, Thriller, Family, Comedy, Mystery, War, Character Study

Setting: Late 1940s to early 1950s, Primarily set in the United States, including New York City, Philadelphia, and Doylestown, with flashbacks to Hungary and scenes in Venice, Italy.

Overview: The Brutalist follows László Toth, a Hungarian architect and refugee, as he navigates the challenges of starting anew in America after fleeing war-torn Europe. The story begins with László's harrowing journey to escape his past, marked by trauma and addiction. As he settles into his new life, he grapples with the emotional scars of separation from his wife, Erzsébet, and the struggles of adapting to a foreign culture. The narrative unfolds through László's interactions with family, including his supportive cousin Attila and his niece Zsófia, who also carries her own burdens. As László attempts to reclaim his identity through architecture, he faces professional setbacks and personal conflicts that test his resilience. The climax centers around a pivotal confrontation with the Van Buren family, leading to moments of self-discovery and redemption. Ultimately, the story culminates in a heartfelt reunion with Erzsébet, emphasizing the enduring power of love amidst adversity.

Themes: Redemption and Self-Discovery, Trauma and the Resilience of the Human Spirit, Love and Family, Immigration and Assimilation, Architecture as a Metaphor for Life

Conflict and Stakes: László's struggle to establish himself as an architect in America while dealing with the trauma of his past and the health issues of his wife, Erzsétbet, with the stakes being their family's future and well-being.

Overall Mood: Poignant and reflective, with moments of tension and hope.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: The opening montage sets a haunting and nostalgic tone, reflecting on the past and the emotional weight of László's journey.
  • Scene 15: The emotional reunion at the train station is filled with anxiety and hope, showcasing the family's love and resilience.
  • Scene 30: The confrontation at the Van Buren estate is tense and confrontational, highlighting the stakes of family loyalty and truth.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The story intertwines personal trauma with the broader immigrant experience, providing a poignant exploration of resilience.
  • Plot Twist: The revelation of Erzsétbet's health issues and their impact on László's career and emotional state adds depth to the narrative.
  • Distinctive Setting: The contrast between the bustling urban life of New York City and the serene yet haunting memories of Hungary enhances the emotional stakes.
  • Innovative Ideas: The screenplay explores architectural themes as a metaphor for rebuilding one's life and identity.

Comparable Scripts:

  • The Pianist
  • Brooklyn
  • The Immigrant
  • A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
  • The Book Thief
  • The Kite Runner
  • The Good Lord Bird
  • The Nightingale
  • The Help

Writing Style:

The screenplay exhibits a versatile and dynamic writing style, drawing inspiration from a wide range of acclaimed screenwriters. While the style shifts across scenes, there's a consistent thread of character-driven narratives that prioritize intense emotional depth and complex interpersonal dynamics. The dialogue is frequently sharp and witty, often used to reveal underlying tensions and conflicts, but also capable of poetic introspection and sparse, visually driven moments.

Style Similarities:

  • Aaron Sorkin
  • David Mamet
  • Noah Baumbach
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Recommend


Explanation: The screenplay 'The Brutalist' presents a compelling narrative that intricately weaves themes of trauma, identity, and resilience through the lives of its characters. The character arcs of László, Erzsébet, and Zsófia are well-developed, showcasing their struggles and growth against the backdrop of post-war America. The screenplay excels in its exploration of emotional depth and architectural symbolism, though it could benefit from tighter pacing in certain sections and clearer resolutions for some character arcs. Overall, it is a poignant and thought-provoking piece that resonates with its audience.


USP: 'The Brutalist' is a character-driven drama that explores the intersection of personal and professional lives, set against the backdrop of post-war Europe and America. Its unique blend of architectural detail, historical context, and deeply personal relationships sets it apart from traditional biopics, making it a compelling and thought-provoking story that will resonate with audiences interested in exploring the human condition through the lens of architectural design and the immigrant experience.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$15-25 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, particularly those interested in historical dramas, immigrant stories, and character-driven narratives.

Marketability: The screenplay's rich character development and emotional depth can attract a wide audience, especially those interested in historical and immigrant narratives.

The unique blend of personal and historical drama, along with themes of resilience and hope, can resonate with viewers and critics alike.

While it has strong themes and character arcs, the niche focus on immigrant experiences may limit broader appeal.

Profit Potential: Moderate to high, as the film could attract awards attention and resonate with audiences seeking meaningful stories, especially in the festival circuit.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by a masterful blend of realism and poetic introspection. The screenplay uses a range of stylistic choices, shifting between stark, naturalistic dialogue revealing raw emotion and vulnerability (Scenes 4, 17, 48), and atmospheric, evocative descriptions emphasizing mood and internal conflict (Scenes 1, 18). Poetic voiceovers, often from Erzsébet, provide lyrical counterpoint to the gritty realism, enhancing the emotional weight of the characters' journeys (Scenes 2, 3). The directorial choices implied – contrasting visuals, emotional crescendos through music – further underscore the emotional depth and thematic complexity.

Best representation: Scene 1 - Struggle for Freedom. This scene is the best representation because it showcases the writer's signature blend of stylistic elements most effectively. The sparse, emotionally charged dialogue in Hungarian, the atmospheric descriptions, the implied directorial choices prioritizing mood and atmosphere, and the focus on internal conflict and psychological tension all combine to create a scene that is both powerful and deeply evocative. It sets the tone for the entire screenplay and perfectly encapsulates the writer's unique voice.

Memorable Lines:

  • ERZSÉBET: I cried out in ecstasy to have news of you. Zsófia is with me though she is frail, strange and quite ill. (Scene 2)
  • LÁSZLÓ: Everything we see that is ugly- stupid, cruel, and ugly. Everything is your fault. (Scene 40)
  • ERZSÉBET: You egotistic scoundrel. There is NO REASON for me to be here. I am here for you! I could do my ridiculous job ANYWHERE! Do you think I went to university to write about lipsticks! Shame on you. (Scene 54)
  • GORDON: A rose must remain with the sun and the rain Or its lovely promise won't come true To Each His Own, To Each His Own And my own is you- (Scene 19)
  • Erzsébet: I’m proud of you. Make love to me tonight. (Scene 41)
Characters

László Toth:A Hungarian architect and refugee struggling with his past and the challenges of starting anew in America.

Erzsétbet:László's wife, who faces health issues and emotional turmoil while trying to support her family.

Zsófia:László and Erzsétbet's niece, who represents the younger generation and faces her own challenges in adapting to life in America.

Harry Lee Van Buren:A wealthy patron with a complex relationship with László, representing both opportunity and conflict.

Attila:László's cousin, who provides support but also highlights the struggles of immigrant life.

Gordon:A fellow refugee who shares in the struggles of displacement and addiction.

Story Shape
Summary **Title: The Enigma of Arrival** **Genre:** Feature Drama **Summary:** *The Enigma of Arrival* tells the story of László Toth, a Hungarian refugee navigating his traumatic past and the challenges of building a new life in America amidst the backdrop of his wife, Erzsébet, and niece, Zsófia's, struggles to reconnect after fleeing Hungary. The film opens with Zsófia, haunted by her experiences, sitting in a tense interrogation room in Vas County, where her identity is questioned. As Erzsébet’s voiceover reveals her own turmoil from the journey and the need to protect Zsófia, the narrative unfolds through a series of poignant scenes. From cramped refugee quarters on a ship to encounters in a brothel and a furniture showroom, László grapples with feelings of inadequacy and the longing for his family. Encouraged by his cousin Attila to seize opportunities in America, László's journey leads him to confront addiction, grief, and the haunting memories of war as he attempts to find stability through work and community engagement. When Erzsébet finally arrives in America with Zsófia, the family dynamics shift under the tension of past traumas and present insecurities. László, now a struggling architect, faces professional challenges and the pressure of community expectations while battling his own demons. The emotional journey of each character is rendered through a vivid tapestry of familial love, loss, and resilience. The film culminates in a series of interconnected events—tensions erupting at family gatherings, poignant moments of connection and disconnection, and László’s pivotal presentations that symbolize his quest for redemption and belonging. As the struggle between personal aspirations and shared responsibilities intensifies, relationships fray but ultimately reveal an unwavering bond. Through emotional confrontations and significant moments of intimacy, *The Enigma of Arrival* probes themes of identity, survival, and the definition of home, culminating in a powerful, redemptive finale at the Architecture Biennale in Venice, where Zsófia honors her uncle’s legacy. The film beautifully encapsulates the complexities of immigrant life, offering a profound exploration of hope amid turmoil.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay boasts a compelling premise: a Hungarian refugee architect's struggle to rebuild his life in post-WWII America. The character arcs, particularly László's, are rich and emotionally resonant, exploring themes of trauma, resilience, and the search for identity. The incorporation of voiceovers from Erzsébet provides poignant context and emotional depth. However, the plot suffers from pacing issues. The narrative jumps erratically between László's experiences, leaving some plot threads underdeveloped (like his relationship with his son). The inclusion of the brothel scenes feels somewhat gratuitous and disrupts the overall narrative flow. The central conflict—László's struggle for acceptance and success—is somewhat muddled by the numerous subplots. The ending feels rushed and lacks a satisfying resolution to several key relationships. A stronger central conflict and tighter focus on László's professional and personal journeys are needed. The screenplay's ambition exceeds its execution, resulting in a fragmented and uneven narrative.
Suggestions: - Streamline the plot by focusing on fewer, more impactful subplots. Consider eliminating the brothel scenes or integrating them more organically into László's emotional journey. - Strengthen the central conflict by creating a more formidable antagonist or obstacle for László to overcome. - Develop a more compelling and complete resolution for László's personal relationships, particularly his marriage and relationship with his son. - Improve pacing by focusing on key moments in László's journey and streamlining less impactful events. - Consider a more structured three-act structure with clear turning points to create narrative tension.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The opening scenes effectively establish the film's emotional tone and introduce the central mystery surrounding Zsófia. The use of a black and white montage and evocative sound design immediately engages the viewer, creating a sense of foreboding and historical context. However, the initial focus on Zsófia's silent interrogation feels somewhat detached from László's story, which is established primarily through Erzsébet's voiceover. The introduction of László and Erzsébet's journey needs more immediate connection to the opening scene. The audience needs more reasons to care about the characters immediately, rather than relying on voiceover to provide context before properly showing them. The beginning feels somewhat slow in establishing the main characters' motivations and goals, especially for the audience's investment in László.
Suggestions: - Begin the story with László, immediately showing the viewer the core conflict of his journey. - Integrate Zsófia's story more seamlessly into the main narrative from the beginning. - Use visual storytelling to complement the voiceover, creating a more immediate connection with the characters and setting. - Sharpen the initial hook by highlighting the stakes of László and Erzsébet's situation more clearly.
Middle The middle section attempts to establish László's challenges in America, encompassing his interactions with various characters and his professional struggles. The exploration of László's descent into addiction is a powerful element that adds depth to his character. His experiences are rich in details from different interactions with others. However, the narrative jumps frequently between László's work, his relationships, and his struggles with addiction, creating a fragmented and somewhat disorienting experience for the viewer. The inclusion of various subplots, while adding texture, dilutes the focus on László's central arc. The pacing is uneven, with some segments feeling rushed while others drag.
Suggestions: - Focus the middle section on one or two key conflicts that directly affect László's professional and personal progress. This could involve focusing on the Van Buren project as a central plot driver. - Develop more consistent relationships between László and secondary characters; some interactions feel superficial. - Improve the pacing by structuring the narrative around key turning points in László's journey. - Consider a more thematic approach, exploring how László's past traumas continue to affect his present choices.
Ending The ending attempts to resolve several plot threads, including László's reunion with his family and the completion of the Van Buren project. The reconciliation with his family is emotionally moving, although it feels slightly rushed. The final scene at the Venice Gala is visually striking but lacks emotional impact and feels somewhat disconnected from the overall arc. The resolution feels anticlimactic, leaving several issues unresolved. The overall satisfying conclusion of his story could use much more development. The ending doesn't adequately address the gravity of many events in the prior scenes.
Suggestions: - Provide a more satisfying resolution to László's struggles with addiction and his relationship with Erzsébet. - Connect the Venice Gala scene more organically to the preceding events, emphasizing the significance of László's achievements. - Create a more powerful final scene that encapsulates the themes of resilience, hope, and reconciliation. - Ensure that all loose ends are addressed in a fulfilling way, leaving the audience with a sense of closure.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - Silent Testimony Intense, Intriguing, Suspenseful 8.5 9 89 9 887.5888989 89888
2 - Struggle for Freedom Anxious, Hopeful, Tense 8.5 8 99 9 887888979 89888
3 - The Journey Begins Somber, Reflective, Hopeful 8.5 8 89 9 787677879 89888
4 - Reflections of Ugliness Intense, Uncomfortable, Conflicted, Despondent 8.2 8 89 9 887878789 99888
5 - A Glimmer of Hope Emotional, Intense, Reflective 8.5 9 99 9 897778979 89888
6 - A Place to Stay Melancholic, Reflective, Informative 8.5 8 89 9 887677779 89888
7 - A Kind Gesture in the Rain Compassionate, Desperate, Resilient 8.5 8 89 9 787676779 89888
8 - Desperate Measures Serious, Reflective, Hopeful 8.5 8 89 9 887677889 89888
9 - A Vision for the Library Charming, Urgent, Informative 8.5 8 99 8 789687978 99999
10 - Arrival at the Van Buren Estate Tense, Informative, Reflective 8.2 8 98 8 787.5787988 998.588
11 - Budgeting the Study Renovation Serious, Informative, Professional 8.5 9 89 9 487676865 97888
12 - Dancing in the Shadows Light-hearted, Playful, Awkward, Intimate 8.5 8 88 9 687374778 99888
13 - Awkward Reflections Tense, Awkward, Reflective 8.2 8 89 9 787777879 89888
14 - Crafting a Vision Passionate, Reflective, Instructional 8.5 9 88 8 687564776 78899
15 - Chaos on the Rooftop Tense, Frantic, Dramatic 8.5 8 89 8 787979878 79888
16 - Confrontation in the Study Tense, Confrontational, Defiant 8.5 8 89 9 787.5998888 99888
17 - Fractured Trust Tense, Confrontational, Emotional 8.5 8 89 9 887.5988889 998.588
18 - Morning Struggles Melancholic, Reflective, Tense 8.5 8 89 9 887878879 89888
19 - Dignity on the Beam Tense, Confrontational, Casual, Playful 8.5 8 98 8 787887878 98999
20 - Reconciliation at the Diner Reflective, Regretful, Inquisitive 8.5 8 89 9 887687879 99888
21 - A Night of Recklessness Intense, Emotional, Chaotic 8.5 8 98.5 9 887.5989999 898.588
22 - A Dinner of Hope and Struggles Emotional, Reflective, Informative 8.5 8 99 9 889677979 89888
23 - Reflections in the Foyer Reflective, Introspective, Emotional 9.2 9 99 10 8876767710 99888
24 - Twilight Tensions Reflective, Hopeful, Emotional, Intimate 8.7 9 99 9 887677979 99888
25 - A New Opportunity Tense, Reflective, Apologetic 8.2 8 99 8 787.5787878 89888
26 - Visions in Disarray Philosophical, Reflective, Informative 8.5 9 88 9 786364666 98877
27 - Community Center Conflicts Reflective, Serious, Hopeful 8.5 8 99 8 787677878 99888
28 - Sketching Hope Reflective, Hopeful, Introspective 8.5 8 89 8 787364869 88788
29 - Design Tensions Serious, Intriguing, Tense 8.5 9 88 9 787888878 88899
30 - Struggling to Present Tense, Anxious, Serious 7.5 8 89 7 887889977 89888
31 - Building Trust: László's Vision for the Community Serious, Reflective, Inspirational 8.5 9 89 8 789787878 89888
32 - Echoes of Love Nostalgic, Hopeful, Reflective, Emotional, Tense 8.5 8 99 8 887778979 89888
33 - A Heartfelt Reunion at 30th Street Station Emotional, Hopeful, Anxious 9.2 9 99 9 9978789710 99888
34 - Tensions at the Dinner Table Formal, Awkward, Enchanted, Light-hearted 8.5 8 89 9 787675877 99888
35 - Tender Tensions Emotional, Reflective, Intimate 8.5 8 89 9 887374779 89888
36 - A New Beginning Emotional, Intimate, Reflective 9.2 9 98 10 8976767810 99888
37 - An Awkward Encounter Embarrassment, Joy, Tension 8.5 8 89 9 787665779 89888
38 - A Tense Encounter Light-hearted, Enigmatic, Flirtatious, Awkward 8.5 8 88 9 687.5483778 98.5888
39 - Confrontation in the Trailer Anger, Tension, Conflict, Resolution 8.5 8 98 9 887988979 99888
40 - Tensions in the Trenches Tense, Confrontational, Defiant, Emotional 8.5 8 99 9 787988888 89888
41 - Groundbreaking Tensions Tense, Emotional, Hopeful 8.5 8 99 8 889878979 89888
42 - Laughter by the Water Joyful, Light-hearted, Humorous 8.5 8 89 9 686362678 99888
43 - Tensions at the Water's Edge Tense, Confrontational, Emotional 8.5 8 88 9 887988879 99888
44 - Departure and Aspirations Serious, Concerned, Playful 8.5 8 99 9 787777979 99888
45 - Reflections on Loss Reflective, Emotional, Intimate, Nostalgic 9.2 9 99 10 8863768710 99888
46 - Contrasts of Faith and Catastrophe Emotional, Reflective, Tense, Poignant, Intimate 8.5 8 89 9 887.5787889 99888
47 - Chaos and Consequences Tense, Angry, Frustrated, Humiliated 8.5 8 99 8 887989989 99888
48 - Breaking Point Tense, Emotional, Resigned 8.5 8 89 9 887.5988879 99888
49 - Tensions of Departure Emotional, Tense, Reflective 8.7 9 89 9 987.5888989 998.588
50 - Cultural Tensions in Carrara Enchanting, Reflective, Tense 8.5 9 89 9 787677878 89888
51 - Descent into Darkness Tense, Disturbing, Intense, Confrontational 9.2 9 99 9 98710899810 99888
52 - Concrete Isolation Melancholic, Reflective, Tense 8.5 8 99 8 887878979 89888
53 - Tensions at the Construction Site Tense, Defiant, Harsh 8.5 8 98 9 887988979 99888
54 - Turbulent Drive Tense, Emotional, Confrontational, Regretful 9.2 9 99 10 9879899810 99888
55 - Night Terrors and Tenderness Tense, Emotional, Frantic, Calm, Tragic 8.5 8 89 9 887778779 89888
56 - From Love to Despair Intense, Emotional, Desperate 9.2 9 99 9 887.5889889 89888
57 - Dawn of Resilience Emotional, Reflective, Intimate 9.2 9 99 10 8873778810 99888
58 - Confrontation at the Van Buren Estate Tense, Accusatory, Confrontational, Emotional 9.2 9 98 9 9981081010810 99999
59 - Tension at the Van Buren Estate Tense, Panicked, Desperate, Bizarre 8.5 8 99 9 887979979 89888
60 - A Tribute to Legacy Heartbreaking, Reflective, Nostalgic, Respectful 9.2 9 99 9 8974679710 99888


Scene 1 - Silent Testimony
THE BRUTALIST
BRADY CORBET + MONA FASTVOLD




FINAL SHOOTING DRAFT
MARCH 12, 2023
A black and white montage of architectural elements; a flurry
of shapes, curves, angles, and shadows.

INSERT TITLE:
OVERTURE
CUE: The sonic boom of a ship’s hull impacting against the
waves; each redundant crash gives way to a romantic
orchestral swell...


1 INT. INTERVIEW ROOM IN VAS COUNTY - MORNING LIGHT 1
NOTE: Ocean waves fight the diegetic audio for duration of
scene.

CLOSE ON -

A haunted and brutalized young woman, ZSÓFIA, is isolated in
the frame. A vast European landscape can be viewed through
the casement windows behind her.

BORDER OFFICER (O.S.)
(Hungarian)
Your escort is right outside. She
tells us that you are her niece.
Are you her niece? Is she your
aunt? Where is your mother? Is she
alive? Do you know? Do you
understand me when I speak? Do you
prefer English or Czech?

No response.

BORDER OFFICER (CONT'D)
If you are from Budapest as the
lady says, may you please state the
name and street number of your
former place of residence for the
record? There’s a pen and piece of
paper in front of you... If you
prefer not to speak to us, we
suggest you write it down along
with your family name, and we will
take it upon ourselves to try and
confirm this. Do you remember that
address?

No response.

BORDER OFFICER (CONT'D)
Is it possible the woman outside is
not related to you at all, but
simply an ally you made along the
way who is trying to help you? You
bear little resemblance to one
another. We will not punish her for
trying to help an innocent young
woman. We want to help you get
home. Your true home. What is your
true home? Help us to help you get
home.

CUE: DIEGETIC AUDIO FADES OUT...

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
(Hungarian)
László, I am alive. Attila tells me
that you, too, are alive and en
route to him from Bremerhaven.
Rejoice!

CUE: Violins shriek.

CROSS DISSOLVE:
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In a tense interview room in Vas County, a traumatized young woman named Zsófia sits silently as a Border Officer questions her about her identity and a woman outside claiming to be her aunt. Despite the officer's persistent attempts to elicit a response, Zsófia remains unresponsive, highlighting her emotional turmoil. The scene is underscored by a haunting orchestral score and concludes with a voiceover from Erzsébet, confirming her survival and connecting to László, adding depth to the unfolding narrative.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Mystery elements
  • Character depth
Weaknesses
  • Lack of direct answers from the young woman

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a sense of mystery and tension through the interrogation of the young woman, keeping the audience engaged and curious about her backstory.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the interrogation of the young woman and her mysterious background, is intriguing and sets up a compelling narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of the main character and the establishment of the central conflict, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to themes of identity, deception, and survival. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth and complexity to the narrative. The use of Hungarian language and cultural elements further enhances the scene's authenticity and originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined, particularly the haunted young woman and the border officer, adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The young woman undergoes a subtle change as she navigates the interrogation, hinting at deeper layers to her character.

Internal Goal: 8

ZSÓFIA's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her composure and protect her true identity and intentions, despite the intense questioning and pressure from the border officer. This reflects her deeper need for survival and freedom.

External Goal: 7.5

ZSÓFIA's external goal is to convince the border officer of her innocence and secure her passage home without revealing her true motives or endangering herself. This goal reflects the immediate challenge she faces in navigating the interrogation and avoiding detection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the young woman and the border officer, as well as the internal conflict within the young woman, adds depth and tension to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the border officer serving as a formidable obstacle to ZSÓFIA's goals. His relentless questioning, manipulation tactics, and shifting tactics create a sense of unpredictability and challenge for the protagonist, keeping the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the young woman's situation, as well as the mystery surrounding her identity, add tension and intrigue to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key characters and conflicts, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, conflicting motivations, and ambiguous character relationships. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of ZSÓFIA's true intentions and the outcome of the interrogation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, truth, and trust. The border officer questions ZSÓFIA's identity and motives, challenging her beliefs about herself and her relationships. This conflict challenges ZSÓFIA's values and worldview, forcing her to navigate a complex web of deception and manipulation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a sense of empathy and curiosity towards the young woman, creating an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and mystery of the interrogation, adding depth to the characters and the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional stakes, psychological tension, and atmospheric descriptions. The audience is drawn into ZSÓFIA's internal struggle and the external pressures she faces, creating a sense of suspense and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and suspense throughout the interrogation. The rhythmic dialogue exchanges, visual cues, and atmospheric descriptions create a dynamic and engaging rhythm, drawing the audience into the emotional and psychological stakes of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting. The use of visual and auditory cues enhances the atmosphere and mood of the scene, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense through the interrogation sequence. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, maintaining a sense of urgency and emotional intensity.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a haunting atmosphere through the use of black and white visuals and the juxtaposition of diegetic sound with the orchestral score. This choice sets a somber tone that aligns well with Zsófia's emotional state.
  • The dialogue from the Border Officer is repetitive and somewhat mechanical, which may detract from the emotional weight of the scene. While it serves to emphasize Zsófia's silence, it could benefit from more varied phrasing or a more dynamic approach to questioning that reflects the officer's frustration or concern.
  • Zsófia's characterization as haunted and brutalized is compelling, but the scene could delve deeper into her internal struggle. A brief flashback or a visual cue that hints at her past could enhance the audience's understanding of her trauma and create a stronger emotional connection.
  • The voiceover from Erzsébet adds a layer of complexity, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the visual narrative. Integrating her voiceover more seamlessly with Zsófia's experience could create a more cohesive emotional arc, perhaps by having Erzsébet's words echo Zsófia's thoughts or feelings.
  • The transition from the interview room to Erzsébet's voiceover is abrupt. A smoother transition, perhaps through a visual or auditory cue that links the two moments, would enhance the flow of the scene and maintain the audience's engagement.
Suggestions
  • Consider varying the Border Officer's dialogue to include more emotional nuance, perhaps reflecting his own frustrations or empathy towards Zsófia's situation.
  • Incorporate visual elements or flashbacks that provide context for Zsófia's trauma, allowing the audience to better understand her silence and emotional state.
  • Explore ways to intertwine Erzsébet's voiceover with Zsófia's experience, such as having her words resonate with Zsófia's thoughts or feelings during the interrogation.
  • Enhance the transition between the interrogation and the voiceover by using a visual or auditory cue that connects the two moments, creating a more fluid narrative.
  • Consider adding a moment of physicality or a subtle gesture from Zsófia that conveys her emotional turmoil, even in her silence, to deepen her characterization.



Scene 2 - Struggle for Freedom
2 INT. SHIP - LOWER DECK - DUSK 2
It’s dark but slowly our eyes adjust like a developing
photograph hung to dry from a chemical bath.

A SERIES OF ANGLES -

Guided by the ocean’s current beneath them; slumbering men,
women, and children rock back and forth in their bunk beds.

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
(Hungarian)
I cried out in ecstasy to have news
of you. Zsófia is with me though
she is frail, strange and quite
ill. We anxiously await our being
repatriated, but recently she has
not been herself which has, in
turn, roused unnecessary suspicions
with local officials.

CLOSE, ULTRA-BOWED LENS ON -

LÁSZLÓ TOTH, malnourished with a badly broken nose. He has
the face of an emigrant.

A door opens off-screen and light pours in. Several bodies
wipe the frame. A fellow HUNGARIAN REFUGEE shakes LÁSZLÓ by
his shoulder. LÁSZLÓ slaps his hand in response, shooting
upwards violently.

HUNGARIAN REFUGEE
(Hungarian)
Documents...

LÁSZLÓ regains composure, wipes sleep from his eye. The light
blooming from off-screen is transcendent.

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
(Hungarian)
Fortunately, a few Soviet boys have
taken a liking to us. They pity
your poor niece especially who has
grown fuller, even lovelier, since
you last set eyes on her. These
lonesome young servicemen are
ostensibly entranced by such a
radiant creature’s commitment to
absolute silence.

LÁSZLÓ searches for his things in a panic. He looks to the
man off-screen.

LÁSZLÓ
(Hungarian)
WHERE ARE MY THINGS?

HUNGARIAN REFUGEE (O.S.)
(Hungarian)
WHAT?

LÁSZLÓ
(Hungarian)
IT IS NOT AMUSING TO ME! WHERE IS
MY LUGGAGE?!

LÁSZLÓ pushes the man off-screen who breaks into a fit of
laughter.

HUNGARIAN REFUGEE
(Hungarian)
Oh, stop it! Don’t look at me that
way, old man! It’s tucked there
under the mattress!

LÁSZLÓ ducks down to find a large canvas bag and pulls it
out.

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
(Hungarian)
The Soviets have helped us relocate
to a nearby shelter for displaced
persons near Vas. They encourage us
to “enjoy our freedoms,” but I am
reminded of Goethe; “None are more
hopelessly enslaved than those who
falsely believe themselves free!” I
make no mistake, we are not yet
free.

HUNGARIAN REFUGEE
(Hungarian)
Hurry László, or we’ll be last in
the queue.

LÁSZLÓ and the refugee fight their way through the crowded
space towards the increasingly overwhelming sunlight,
throwing off our camera’s white balance.

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
(Hungarian)
You, like myself, must be
envisioning so many terribly awful,
awful things but it is better that
your thoughts not get the best of
you.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In the dimly lit lower deck of a ship, Hungarian refugees, including László Toth, are awakened at dusk amidst cramped conditions. Erzsébet's voiceover reveals her emotional turmoil as she cares for her ill niece, Zsófia, while facing scrutiny from local officials. Panic ensues when László is asked for his documents, but a fellow refugee helps him locate his belongings, leading them both to rush towards the light above. This moment symbolizes their yearning for freedom, contrasting their dire situation with fleeting camaraderie and dark humor.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Compelling plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be difficult to follow for non-Hungarian speakers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with strong character dynamics, emotional depth, and a compelling plot that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the struggles of Hungarian refugees in a historical context is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the challenges and emotions faced by the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is engaging and moves the story forward by introducing conflict and revealing important information about the characters' motivations and relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of Hungarian refugees on a ship, the use of Hungarian language, and the exploration of themes of freedom and enslavement. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward. The audience can empathize with their struggles and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their behavior and emotions throughout the scene, reflecting the challenges they face and the decisions they must make.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal is to find his belongings and maintain a sense of control and dignity in a chaotic and uncertain environment. This reflects his need for security and stability amidst the upheaval of being a refugee.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to navigate the challenges of being a refugee, including finding shelter and dealing with local officials. This reflects his immediate circumstances and the obstacles he faces in his current situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, both internal and external, which drives the plot forward and adds tension to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with László facing obstacles such as finding his belongings, dealing with local officials, and navigating the crowded and chaotic environment of the ship.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for the characters as they navigate a dangerous and uncertain journey towards freedom. The scene conveys the risks and challenges they face.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new information, conflicts, and character dynamics that propel the narrative towards its next stage.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in the sense that the audience is unsure of how László will navigate the challenges he faces as a refugee, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of freedom and enslavement. Erzsébet's reflection on the false sense of freedom provided by the Soviets challenges the protagonist's beliefs about their current situation and the true nature of their circumstances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly feelings of empathy, tension, and hope. The characters' struggles are portrayed with authenticity and depth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It effectively conveys the emotions and tensions present in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, tense interactions between characters, and the sense of urgency and uncertainty in the refugees' situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of slower moments of reflection and faster-paced action sequences.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear descriptions, character actions, and dialogue, effectively conveying the setting and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of claustrophobia and tension through its description of the cramped lower deck of the ship. The imagery of slumbering refugees and the darkness creates a vivid atmosphere that reflects their plight. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother; the emotional weight of Zsófia's trauma in the first scene is somewhat diluted by the shift to a more chaotic environment.
  • Erzsébet's voiceover adds depth to the scene, providing context about Zsófia's condition and the refugees' situation. However, the voiceover could be more impactful if it were interspersed with moments of silence or visual storytelling that show the characters' emotions rather than just telling them. This would allow the audience to feel the weight of their experiences more viscerally.
  • The dialogue between László and the Hungarian refugee is effective in conveying urgency and panic, but it could benefit from more subtext. The humor in the refugee's response contrasts sharply with László's distress, which could be used to highlight the absurdity of their situation. However, the humor might also risk undermining the gravity of László's panic if not handled delicately.
  • The use of the ultra-bowed lens on László is a strong visual choice that emphasizes his malnourished state and the harshness of his reality. However, the scene could further explore László's internal struggle through visual cues or physical actions that reflect his emotional state, rather than relying solely on voiceover.
  • The final lines of Erzsébet's voiceover are poignant, but they could be more tightly integrated with the visual elements of the scene. For instance, as she speaks about the illusion of freedom, the camera could focus on the refugees' faces, capturing their expressions of hope and despair, which would enhance the emotional resonance of her words.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or stillness after Erzsébet's voiceover to allow the audience to absorb the weight of her words before the chaos resumes.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements that show the characters' emotions, such as close-ups of their faces or hands, to complement Erzsébet's voiceover and create a more immersive experience.
  • Explore the subtext in the dialogue between László and the Hungarian refugee by adding layers of meaning or tension that reflect their shared trauma, which could enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Utilize László's physical actions to convey his internal struggle more effectively. For example, show him hesitating or trembling as he searches for his belongings, which would visually represent his panic and vulnerability.
  • Integrate Erzsébet's voiceover more closely with the visual elements by having her words correspond to specific actions or expressions of the characters, creating a stronger connection between the audio and visual components of the scene.



Scene 3 - The Journey Begins
3 INT. SHIP - STAIRWELL - CONTINUOUS 3
They squeeze through a narrow doorway and up three flights of
stairs.

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
It is neither better, nor worse
than you might imagine. I have kept
myself mostly to myself. More
importantly, I have defended Zsófia
from unwanted advances.

The ferocious energy builds to a crescendo.


4 EXT. SHIP DECK - CONTINUOUS 4
The two men reach the top of the stairwell to the upper deck
where dozens of immigrants take their place.

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
Below is the address I am told for
mail in Vas. Please write to me at
once when you have received this.

The camera whip-pans over and up to the Statue of Liberty at
a peculiar LOW-ANGLE.

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
(Hungarian)
I am certain now that there is
nothing left for us here. Go to
America and I will follow you.

LÁSZLÓ and the man beside him squeeze each other by the arm.

ERZSÉBET (V.O.
Faithfully, Erzsébet.

CUE: Strings and tympany reach a climax.

INSERT TITLE:


PART ONE
THE ENIGMA OF ARRIVAL
1947-1952

5 INT. HIAS CENTER BASEMENT - NIGHT 5
TWO HIAS REPRESENTATIVES (Hebrew Immigrant Aid Society)
wearing unassuming dark coats and hats address a room crowded
with Jewish émigré wearing numbered cards around their necks.
One representative speaks in English, the other translates
simultaneously over the speech in Yiddish.


HIAS REPRESENTATIVE HIAS REPRESENTATIVE 2
(English) (Yiddish)
-for those of you who do not -for those of you who do not
speak English, please engage speak English, please engage
myself or any of my myself or any of my
colleagues located at the colleagues located at the
back so we may inform you back so we may inform you
about our orientation and about our orientation and
language programs which are language programs which are
provided in this very room - provided in this room - 425
425 Lafayette - remember that Lafayette - remember that
address. Additionally, address. Additionally,
classes and daily meetings classes and daily meetings
are held where many of you are held where many of you
will be staying tonight over will be staying tonight over
at the Hotel Marseilles at the Hotel Marseilles
located on 103rd and located on 103rd and
Broadway. Broadway.
It’s difficult to discern LÁSZLÓ amongst the other faces in
the crowd.

HIAS REPRESENTATIVE (CONT'D) HIAS REPRESENTATIVE 2 (CONT'D)
(English) (Yiddish)
And for those of you of which And for those of you of which
none of the aforementioned none of that applies and who
details apply and who are are immediately departing for
immediately departing for other destinations in the
other destinations in the morning, please see us about
morning, please see me about a $25 travel-aid.
your $25 travel-aid.
One HIAS REPRESENTATIVE holds up and demonstrates a travel
voucher.

HIAS REPRESENTATIVE (CONT'D)
These vouchers are redeemable for
both trains and participating bus
services.

CUE: Mournful solo piano plays over all of the following
until otherwise noted.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","War"]

Summary In this poignant scene, LÁSZLÓ and another man navigate a ship, reflecting on their uncertain future as Erzsébet's voiceover reveals her protective feelings for Zsófia and her decision to leave for America. Upon reaching the upper deck, they encounter a crowd of immigrants, while Erzsébet urges László to stay in touch. The emotional weight of leaving their past behind is palpable, culminating in a dramatic score as the title card 'PART ONE: THE ENIGMA OF ARRIVAL' appears. The scene then shifts to a HIAS Center basement, where representatives provide guidance to Jewish émigrés, with László among them, highlighting the theme of hope amidst uncertainty.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Cultural authenticity
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets a somber and reflective tone while conveying the characters' resilience and determination in the face of adversity. The use of multiple languages adds depth to the cultural context of the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the immigrant experience through the lens of Hungarian refugees in post-World War II America is compelling and offers a unique perspective on historical events.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on the characters' journey from the ship to the HIAS center, setting up future conflicts and challenges they will encounter in their new environment.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the immigrant experience, highlighting the personal struggles and aspirations of the characters in a historical context. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with Erzsébet shown as protective and caring, László as determined, and the HIAS representatives as helpful and compassionate.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle changes in the characters' emotional states and circumstances, the scene primarily focuses on establishing their initial challenges and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect and support Zsófia from unwanted advances, showcasing her loyalty and protective nature towards her friend.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to reach America and start a new life, as indicated by the decision to follow the recipient of the letter to the US.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in this scene is relatively low, focusing more on the characters' internal struggles and the obstacles they must overcome as refugees.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the challenges of immigration, language barriers, and cultural adjustments, creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high for the characters as refugees seeking safety and a better life in a new country, facing uncertainty and challenges along the way.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the characters' journey and setting up future conflicts and developments in their new environment.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' future decisions and the challenges they may face in a new country, adding tension and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of leaving behind the past and embracing a new future in a foreign land, challenging the protagonist's sense of identity and belonging.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of melancholy, resilience, and determination in the characters' plight as refugees seeking a new beginning.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys important information about the characters' circumstances and the assistance available to them, but could benefit from more emotional depth and nuance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional intensity, historical context, and character dynamics, drawing the audience into the immigrant experience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of reflection and character development within the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for the genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively transitions between locations and characters, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The transition from the stairwell to the upper deck is visually engaging, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the environment. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights of the ship and the immigrants would enhance the atmosphere and emotional weight of the moment.
  • Erzsébet's voiceover provides important context, but it feels somewhat detached from the action. Integrating her thoughts more closely with the visuals could create a stronger emotional connection. For example, showing László's reactions to her words or the expressions of the people around him could ground her voiceover in the scene.
  • The use of a low-angle shot of the Statue of Liberty is a powerful visual metaphor for hope and freedom, but it could be more impactful if it were tied directly to László's emotional state. Consider showing his awe or trepidation as he looks at the statue, which would deepen the thematic resonance.
  • The scene ends with a title card that feels abrupt. While it serves as a clear transition, it might be more effective to allow the emotional weight of the moment to linger before introducing the title. This could be achieved by extending the music or allowing a moment of silence after Erzsébet's voiceover.
  • The dialogue from the HIAS representatives is informative but lacks emotional depth. Adding personal anecdotes or emotional appeals could make their message resonate more with the audience, highlighting the struggles and hopes of the émigrés.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere on the ship, such as the sounds of the crowd, the smell of the sea, or the feeling of the wind.
  • Consider integrating Erzsébet's voiceover with the visuals by showing László's reactions or the expressions of those around him, making her words feel more immediate and connected to the scene.
  • Enhance the low-angle shot of the Statue of Liberty by showing László's emotional response to it, whether it's awe, fear, or hope, to deepen the thematic impact.
  • Allow the emotional weight of the scene to linger before introducing the title card, perhaps by extending the music or creating a moment of silence to let the audience absorb the moment.
  • Add emotional depth to the HIAS representatives' dialogue by including personal stories or appeals that reflect the struggles and aspirations of the émigrés, making their message more relatable.



Scene 4 - Reflections of Ugliness
6 EXT. NYC EAST RIVER DOCKS - NIGHT 6
LONG LENS ON -

A foghorn blows over a slow pan across a few girls talking
amongst themselves while vying for some local business.


7 INT. BROTHEL - LATER 7
A woman performs intense oral sex on the HUNGARIAN REFUGEE
who leans against an armoir in the background. In the
foreground, a PROSTITUTE knelt on the floor tries to arouse
LÁSZLÓ, though his penis remains flaccid in her grip.

PROSTITUTE
Don’t you think I’m beautiful?

LÁSZLÓ appears stoic, uncomfortable, or perhaps somewhat
conflicted.

LÁSZLÓ
I do-

PROSTITUTE
Which parts of me do you find most
beautiful? Is there a part of me
you would especially like to touch
or look at?

LÁSZLÓ
-all parts.

PROSTITUTE
(affects seduction)
Stop it. I don’t find all the parts
of you beautiful. There are some
parts of you which I like very
much.

HUNGARIAN REFUGEE (O.S.)
Fuck her!

LÁSZLÓ’s girl is annoyed at his friend’s outburst.

PROSTITUTE
Can you tell your friend to be
polite?

LÁSZLÓ shouts back in Hungarian.

LÁSZLÓ
(Hungarian)
Keep your mouth shut.

PROSTITUTE
Which parts do you find ugly?

She’s moved to LÁSZLÓ’s neck to try kissing him romantically.
Still, no response.

PROSTITUTE (CONT'D)
My breasts?

LÁSZLÓ
No, they are beautiful.

PROSTITUTE
My legs? Are they too thin?

LÁSZLÓ struggles to find the correct adjective in English.

LÁSZLÓ
You are- well-proportioned.

He squeezes her thighs below frame.

PROSTITUTE
Well-proportioned? Well, I think
that just made my day.

She presses harder now against him.

PROSTITUTE (CONT'D)
My arse; is that what you like? You
think it’s beautiful?

LÁSZLÓ
Very... It’s the space above your
brow for me which is the problem-

She stops, taken aback.

PROSTITUTE
What?

LÁSZLÓ
That’s something I do not like.

PROSTITUTE
(without affect)
Your face is ugly.

LÁSZLÓ
(despondent)
I know it is.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a dimly lit brothel on the East River docks, László, a Hungarian refugee, finds himself in an uncomfortable encounter with a prostitute who attempts to seduce him. Despite her efforts to engage him and questions about her beauty, László struggles with his own insecurities and ultimately admits to feeling ugly. The scene captures a tense and melancholic atmosphere, highlighting themes of beauty, self-worth, and emotional disconnection, as László's internal conflict remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Exploration of complex themes
  • Tense and uncomfortable atmosphere
  • Emotionally charged dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Focus on internal conflict may alienate some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively delves into complex themes of beauty, self-worth, and vulnerability, creating a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of exploring beauty standards and self-perception through a tense interaction is compelling and thought-provoking. It adds depth to the characters and themes of the screenplay.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it provides valuable insight into the characters' inner struggles and adds layers to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and unflinching approach to the theme of sexual exploitation and objectification. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and raw, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.7

The characters are well-developed, with their vulnerabilities and insecurities effectively portrayed in the scene. The interaction between the Hungarian refugee and the prostitute reveals layers of their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

While there is not a significant change in the characters' external circumstances, the scene delves deep into their inner struggles and perceptions, leading to subtle shifts in their self-perception.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his conflicting feelings of desire, discomfort, and self-loathing. It reflects his deeper needs for connection, validation, and acceptance, as well as his fears of rejection and inadequacy.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and navigate the uncomfortable situation he finds himself in. It reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the sexual advances and expectations of the prostitutes in the brothel.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal conflict as the characters grapple with their perceptions of beauty and self-worth, creating a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires, power struggles, and emotional turmoil creating obstacles for the characters to overcome. The audience is left uncertain of how the characters will navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high on an emotional level as the characters confront their insecurities and vulnerabilities in a tense and uncomfortable situation.

Story Forward: 7

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but provides valuable character development and thematic exploration.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue, the shifting power dynamics between the characters, and the unresolved tension. The audience is left unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the objectification of women and the dehumanization of both the prostitutes and the clients. It challenges László's beliefs about beauty, desire, and self-worth, as well as his worldview of morality and human connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and discomfort to empathy and introspection, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8.8

The dialogue is tense, uncomfortable, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the characters' inner turmoil and the themes of beauty and self-perception.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its raw and intense emotional content, the tension between the characters, and the moral ambiguity of the situation. It keeps the audience on edge and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing character motivations, and maintaining the audience's interest. It flows smoothly and keeps the scene engaging.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures László's discomfort and internal conflict, which is a strong emotional anchor. However, the dialogue can feel repetitive, particularly in the exchanges between László and the prostitute. This could be streamlined to maintain tension without losing the essence of their interaction.
  • The use of Hungarian dialogue adds authenticity, but it may alienate some viewers who do not understand the language. Consider providing subtitles or context to ensure the audience remains engaged and understands the emotional stakes.
  • The contrast between the explicit actions in the brothel and László's emotional state is compelling, but it risks overshadowing his character development. The scene could benefit from deeper exploration of László's backstory or motivations, perhaps through internal monologue or flashbacks, to enhance viewer empathy.
  • The dialogue lacks variation in tone and rhythm, which can make it feel flat. Introducing pauses or interruptions could heighten the tension and reflect László's growing discomfort. Additionally, the prostitute's lines could be more varied to reflect her personality and intentions, making her a more rounded character.
  • The scene's pacing feels uneven, particularly with the transition from the foghorn to the brothel. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and maintain the audience's emotional investment. Consider using visual or auditory cues to bridge these moments more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the dialogue to avoid repetition and maintain tension. Focus on key lines that reveal character and emotion without excessive back-and-forth.
  • Consider adding subtitles for the Hungarian dialogue to ensure all viewers can follow the emotional stakes of the conversation.
  • Incorporate László's internal thoughts or flashbacks to provide context for his discomfort and enhance character depth.
  • Vary the tone and rhythm of the dialogue to create a more dynamic interaction. Introduce pauses or interruptions to reflect László's emotional state.
  • Improve the pacing of the scene by creating smoother transitions between the foghorn and the brothel, possibly using sound design or visual cues to connect the two settings.



Scene 5 - A Glimmer of Hope
8 INT. BROTHEL HALLWAY - LATER 8
The MADAME waits for LÁSZLÓ as he exits the room.

MADAME
We have boys if you prefer.
Brothers with dark skin but
handsome. We can call for them.

LÁSZLÓ
No, thank you.

MADAME
Stay awhile. We have a movie on
tonight.

LÁSZLÓ
Excuse me?

MADAME
We have a special movie on the
projector downstairs. Comes free of
charge with a glass of champagne.


9 INT. BROTHEL BASEMENT - MOMENTS LATER 9
A gramophone blasts classical music which fights the still
persistent non-diegetic solo piano.


LÁSZLÓ enters a makeshift home cinema holding a glass of
champagne where some silent pornography (circa 1930) is being
projected.


10 EXT. CHINATOWN - DAWN 10
LONG LENS ON -

LÁSZLÓ and the HUNGARIAN REFUGEE run for their lives to catch
a departing bus. The two drunks bang on its door and the bus
stops. They embrace each other like brothers and LÁSZLÓ steps
on-board leaving his friend behind him.


11 EXT. BUS - DAY 11
CUE: Stravinsky continues.

ULTRA-WIDE LOW ANGLE ON -

Asphalt rushes at us. The midday gloom hangs heavy.

A SERIES OF ANGLES ON -

- A sign reads, “WELCOME TO PHILADELPHIA - Enjoy Our Past,
Experience Our Future!”

- driving view of Philadelphia City Hall (constructed 1901)

- driving view of the Philadelphia Museum of Art (constructed
1928)

- driving view of the first International style skyscraper,
the Philadelphia Savings Fund Society building (constructed
1932)

- driving view of Pennsylvania Station, 30th Street
(constructed 1933)


12 INT. BUS - LATER 12
LÁSZLÓ rests his head against the frosted window.

LÁSZLÓ’S VIEW FROM BUS WINDOW -

A heavy snow comes down on LÁSZLÓ’s cousin, ATTILA, who
stands amongst a group of on-lookers awaiting visitors
expectedly.


13 EXT. BUS / DOWNTOWN PHILADELPHIA - MOMENTS LATER 13
ATTILA holds his blood relative in an intense embrace.

ATTILA
Cousin.

LÁSZLÓ
Cousin.

ATTILA
Erzsébet is alive.

LÁSZLÓ’s knees buckle, deeply moved.

LÁSZLÓ
What did you say?

ATTILA switches to Hungarian.

ATTILA
(Hungarian)
I have a letter from her - your
Erzsébet is alive and she is with
little Zsófia.

LÁSZLÓ lets out a deep emotional wail and holds his blood
relative tight in his arms.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Romance"]

Summary In a brothel hallway, LÁSZLÓ is approached by the MADAME, who offers him various services, but he declines and heads to a makeshift cinema showing silent pornography. The scene shifts to LÁSZLÓ and a HUNGARIAN REFUGEE rushing to catch a bus in Chinatown at dawn. After boarding, LÁSZLÓ gazes out at the falling snow, reflecting on his cousin ATTILA, who awaits him in downtown Philadelphia. Upon reuniting, ATTILA reveals that LÁSZLÓ's beloved Erzsébet is alive, bringing him overwhelming joy and relief.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling character development
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more refined
  • Conflict could be further heightened

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and themes, with strong character development and plot progression. The execution is well-done, capturing the intensity and complexity of the characters' experiences.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of the scene is compelling, focusing on the journey of a refugee seeking reunion with family members. It explores themes of resilience, hope, and the human experience.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is engaging and well-developed, moving the story forward while delving into the characters' emotional journeys. It effectively sets up future developments and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and situation, blending elements of historical drama with personal emotion. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to its originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-rounded and compelling, with depth and complexity that drive the emotional impact of the scene. Their interactions and development add richness to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional growth and revelations during the scene, deepening their arcs and relationships.

Internal Goal: 9

László's internal goal in this scene is to find out about the fate of his loved ones, specifically Erzsébet and Zsófia. This reflects his deeper need for connection and family.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to reunite with Erzsébet and Zsófia, as indicated by his emotional reaction to the news of their survival.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains moderate conflict, primarily internal and emotional, as the characters grapple with their past, present circumstances, and hopes for the future.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the uncertainty of László's family's fate, creating a sense of suspense and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for the characters, as they navigate challenges, seek reunion, and confront their past traumas and hopes for the future.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward, advancing key plot points and character dynamics while setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and turns, particularly in the revelation of Erzsébet's survival.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the importance of family and the sacrifices one is willing to make for loved ones. This challenges László's beliefs about duty and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing viewers into the characters' struggles and triumphs, evoking empathy and connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is effective in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations, though it could be further refined to enhance the impact of key moments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional stakes and the mystery surrounding László's family, keeping the audience invested in his journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a climactic moment of revelation and reunion.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions, contributing to its effectiveness in conveying the narrative.


Critique
  • The transition from the brothel hallway to the basement cinema is abrupt and lacks a smooth narrative flow. The scene could benefit from a more gradual shift that builds anticipation for László's experience in the basement.
  • The dialogue with the MADAME feels somewhat clichéd and could be more nuanced. Instead of simply offering 'boys' or a 'special movie,' consider giving her a more layered personality that reflects the complexities of her role in the brothel.
  • The use of classical music juxtaposed with silent pornography is an interesting choice, but it may come off as jarring to the audience. The tonal clash could be better integrated to enhance the emotional impact of László's experience.
  • László's reaction to the MADAME's offers is somewhat passive. It would be more engaging if he displayed a stronger emotional response, reflecting his internal conflict and discomfort with the situation.
  • The scene lacks a clear thematic connection to László's journey. While it showcases his current state, it could more explicitly tie into his past struggles or desires, making it feel more integral to the overall narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of hesitation or contemplation for László before he declines the MADAME's offers, which could deepen his character and highlight his internal struggle.
  • Enhance the MADAME's character by giving her a backstory or a unique perspective that adds depth to her interactions with László, making the scene more engaging.
  • Explore the emotional weight of the classical music in the basement. Perhaps László has a memory associated with the piece that could be revealed through a flashback or a brief internal monologue.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements that reflect László's emotional state, such as close-ups of his facial expressions or the contrasting atmosphere of the brothel and the cinema.
  • Ensure that the scene connects more clearly to László's overarching journey. Perhaps include a moment where he reflects on his past or his hopes for the future, making the scene feel more relevant to his character arc.



Scene 6 - A Place to Stay
14 INT. FURNITURE SHOWROOM - LATER 14
TRACK WITH -

ATTILA and his young American wife, AUDREY, show LÁSZLÓ
around the shop. ATTILA rambles nervously.

ATTILA
It’s a combination of things. Most
popular is the cabinetry which we
do ourselves, custom-to-order. The
lamps too. Some pieces we’ve found
and restored. Audrey does the
displays.

LÁSZLÓ nods, still visibly moved by the news of his wife. Not
betraying much enthusiasm, he turns to AUDREY.

LÁSZLÓ
He speaks like an American from the
television now-

AUDREY
(demure, posh, defiant)
Well, we don’t have a television
but he’s been here since before I
was born and still doesn’t sound
like any American I’ve ever met.

ATTILA
Eight years ago, we tried opening
something similar in Manhattan but
we lasted just two months.

AUDREY
We couldn’t compete with the name
brands.

ATTILA
Newlyweds come in with an issue of
Better Homes and Gardens and say,
“We’d like that table next to the
perfume ad.”

He exhales demonstratively.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
We’d say to them, “well, we can
make you something like that.” And
they say, “no sir, we want exactly
that!” Turns out that we don’t like
New York at all. No charm, right
Audrey?

She nods.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
Every little urchin you come across
- seller, buyer, delivery boy - is
running a hustle.

ATTILA arrives at a door at the back, and sorts through a
ring of keys without looking at LÁSZLÓ.

AUDREY
I’m from Connecticut myself. Do you
know it?

Before LÁSZLÓ can respond...

ATTILA
Audrey, of course he doesn’t know
it. He just got here.

ATTILA opens the door and flips on a light. The bedroom set-
up is makeshift and austere.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
I cleared out some space for you in
the back. Audrey made you a bed.
There’s just the cot and the lamp
for now but feel free to take
anything you want from the
showroom.

LÁSZLÓ
That’s all I need.

Anxious and embarrassed, ATTILA continues on yammering.

ATTILA
For the employee restroom, you just
exit the front door, and walk
around back where I parked the car.
There’s a staircase there, it takes
you up to our apartment. If you
need anything just knock.

The three of them don’t bother stepping inside so ATTILA
shuts the door and leads them around the shop’s interior
perimeter.

AUDREY
You know, we know somebody, who can
take a look at your nose.

LÁSZLÓ
I thought- maybe no one would
notice.

LÁSZLÓ smiles a little, having tried to make a joke with
almost no inflection.

AUDREY
What happened, if you don’t mind my
asking?

ATTILA shoots her a look. LÁSZLÓ struggles a bit with the
language speaking slowly, methodically.

LÁSZLÓ
(anecdotal)
I jumped from a rail car. A few
moments later there was a loud
cracking sound so I thought I had
been shot in the head- but I had
merely run into the branch of a
tree. No one was running after me.

AUDREY and ATTILA aren’t sure how to respond.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
I take something for the pain but I
would like to have it looked at.
Thank you.

AUDREY
I’ll give Kenneth a call.

ATTILA puts his arm around LÁSZLÓ and guides him away from
AUDREY to an office area in the showroom’s back corner.

ATTILA
Come and take a seat at my desk.

ATTILA takes the boss’ chair. LÁSZLÓ sits across from him
like it’s a job interview.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
Is it smaller than you expected?

LÁSZLÓ
What?

ATTILA
The shop.

LÁSZLÓ
No, not at all. I had no
expectation.

LÁSZLÓ analyzes ATTILA’s business cards which read: MILLER &
SONS.


LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Who is Miller?

ATTILA
I am Miller.

LÁSZLÓ
You are Molnár.

ATTILA
Not anymore.

LÁSZLÓ
No Miller, No Sons.

ATTILA
(shrugs)
Folks here like a family business-

ATTILA offers LÁSZLÓ a cigarette.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
So, what do you think?

LÁSZLÓ
Of the furniture?

ATTILA
Well, I meant of everything so far -
Philadelphia - but sure the pieces
on the floor also...

LÁSZLÓ
(blunt)
They are not so beautiful.

ATTILA looks a little hurt but saves face.

ATTILA
That’s what you’re here for,
Maestro.

ATTILA lights his cigarette.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
Next month, I can put you on the
payroll. You’re welcome to eat with
us upstairs on Sundays.

LÁSZLÓ
You and your wife have done quite
enough.

ATTILA
Don’t mention it.

LÁSZLÓ
No, I do mention- thank you,
Attila.

LÁSZLÓ motions to AUDREY.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
(Yiddish)
Gentile? (Goy?)

ATTILA nods.

ATTILA
She’s Catholic.

Corrects himself.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
We are Catholic.


15 INT. FURNITURE SHOWROOM - BACKROOM - NIGHT 15
CLOSE ON -

Under the glow of lamp light, ERZSÉBET’s letter in Hungarian
reads...
László, I am alive. Attila tells me that you, too, are alive
and en route to him from Bremerhaven. Rejoice! I cried out in
ecstasy to have news of you...

The note trembles in LÁSZLÓ’s withering hands. Off-screen, he
can be heard again weeping. He strokes the text lovingly and
murmurs its text to himself. He sets the note down and begins
sketching the first lines of an architectural drawing.

LÁSZLÓ
(murmurs)
Erzsébet...

CUE: Solo piano concludes.

FADE TO BLACK.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a furniture showroom, Attila and Audrey welcome László, who is grappling with the emotional aftermath of his wife's news. As they discuss their business, László shares glimpses of his past injury, prompting Attila to offer him a job and a place to stay. Despite their kindness, László hesitates to accept their help. The scene transitions to the backroom where László reads a heartfelt letter from Erzsébet, leading to an emotional moment as he sketches architectural designs, murmuring her name in a poignant connection to his past.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Reflective atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Low external conflict
  • Limited action
  • Slow pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a mix of sadness, hope, and nostalgia through the characters' interactions and László's emotional response to the news of his wife. The dialogue and setting create a reflective atmosphere that adds depth to the storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reuniting with loved ones and reflecting on past struggles is well-developed in the scene, adding depth to László's character and advancing the overall narrative. The focus on emotional resonance is a key aspect of the concept.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by László's emotional journey and the revelation of Erzsébet's letter, which adds a layer of complexity to the storyline. The scene moves the plot forward by deepening the emotional stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on themes of identity, family, and belonging. The characters' interactions feel genuine and the dialogue is rich with subtext.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly László, Attila, and Audrey, are well-developed and showcase distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal layers of emotion and history, adding depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

László undergoes a significant emotional change in the scene, moving from sadness and uncertainty to a sense of hope and connection with his past. The reunion with Attila and the discovery of the letter contribute to his character development.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal is to come to terms with his past and reconnect with his wife, Erzsébet. His emotional journey is reflected in his interactions with Attila and Audrey.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to find a place to stay and get his injury looked at. This reflects his immediate needs and challenges.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional conflict and inner turmoil present in the scene, the overall conflict level is relatively low. The focus is more on character development and reflection rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, adding layers to the characters' interactions and creating tension. László's internal conflict and external challenges provide a sense of uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

While the emotional stakes are high for László in terms of his personal relationships and past traumas, the external stakes are relatively low in this scene. The focus is more on emotional depth and character development.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional stakes for László and setting the stage for further developments in his journey. The reunion with Attila and the revelation of Erzsébet's letter advance the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its emotional shifts and character revelations. The audience is kept on their toes by the subtle subtext and nuanced interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The scene explores themes of identity, family, and belonging. László's struggle with his past and present self is evident in his interactions with Attila and Audrey.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of sadness, hope, and nostalgia through the characters' interactions and László's emotional journey. The revelation of Erzsébet's letter adds a poignant touch to the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and reflective, capturing the emotional nuances of the characters' interactions. The conversations between László, Attila, and Audrey reveal their relationships and inner thoughts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, emotion, and character dynamics. The dialogue and interactions draw the audience in and create a sense of intimacy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth. The rhythm of dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a dialogue-heavy interior scene, with clear descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and action, building tension and emotional depth. The pacing and structure enhance the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures László's emotional state following the revelation of Erzsébet's survival, but it could benefit from deeper exploration of his internal conflict. While his dialogue is sparse, the emotional weight could be enhanced through more physical reactions or visual cues that reflect his turmoil.
  • Attila's character comes across as somewhat one-dimensional, primarily serving as a plot device to provide exposition about the furniture business. Adding layers to his character, such as hints of his own struggles or aspirations, could create a more dynamic interaction between him and László.
  • The dialogue between László and Audrey feels a bit forced at times, particularly when discussing his injury. The humor in László's self-deprecation could be more nuanced to avoid sounding overly scripted. Consider allowing for more natural pauses or interruptions that reflect the awkwardness of the situation.
  • The transition from the showroom to the backroom where László reads Erzsébet's letter is effective, but the emotional impact could be heightened by contrasting the lively atmosphere of the showroom with the intimate, quiet moment in the backroom. This could be achieved through sound design or lighting changes that emphasize the shift in mood.
  • The scene ends on a poignant note with László sketching, but it may benefit from a stronger visual connection to his past. Perhaps incorporating a flashback or a brief memory of Erzsébet could deepen the emotional resonance of this moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more physicality to László's character to convey his emotional state, such as trembling hands or a distant gaze, which would enhance the audience's understanding of his internal struggle.
  • Develop Attila's character further by incorporating small details about his life or aspirations that could create a more engaging dynamic with László, making their interactions feel more layered and meaningful.
  • Revise the dialogue to allow for more natural exchanges, perhaps by including interruptions or overlapping dialogue that reflects the awkwardness of the situation, making it feel more authentic.
  • Enhance the transition to the backroom by using sound design or lighting to create a stark contrast between the bustling showroom and the intimate space where László reads the letter, emphasizing the emotional shift.
  • Consider incorporating a brief flashback or memory sequence that connects László's current emotions with his past experiences with Erzsébet, enriching the scene's emotional depth.



Scene 7 - A Kind Gesture in the Rain
16 EXT. OLD CITY CHURCH SOUP KITCHEN - MORNING 16
A new season has arrived. Pigeons are everywhere and rain
drizzles down on a long queue of impoverished families
waiting on line for food. We pan across to LÁSZLÓ who stands
solo amongst the families in line. His nose has healed
somewhat.

A man in uniform stands ahead of LÁSZLÓ playing “I Spy” with
his little boy. He will come to be known later as GORDON.

GORDON
It’s your turn now, William.

The boy, WILLIAM, has his eyes locked on LÁSZLÓ.

WILLIAM
I spy- with my eye- something-
blue.

GORDON turns around and regards LÁSZLÓ.

GORDON
Is it this gentleman’s coat?

LÁSZLÓ
He is clever- there is some blue in
it.

LÁSZLÓ grins in acknowledgement. A volunteer shouts out...

VOLUNTEER (O.S.)
Kitchen’s closed, folks! Get back
early tomorrow.

The crowd hollers with disappointment.

GORDON
Wait, hold on! I got a kid here!

The disgruntled VOLUNTEER shouts back.

VOLUNTEER
We’re fresh out! Come see me early
tomorrow and I’ll make sure he gets
a plate.

LÁSZLÓ joins in.

LÁSZLÓ
(shouts)
You must have a slice of bread-
he’s only a little boy!

VOLUNTEER
How many more times do you all want
me to say it?! There’s nothing left
here!

GORDON regards LÁSZLÓ.

GORDON
Thank you-

LÁSZLÓ
Will he be all right-?

GORDON
There’s somewhere else we can try
tonight.

LÁSZLÓ
Let him sleep tomorrow. I can be
here early to- hold a place.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary On a rainy morning outside an old city church soup kitchen, LÁSZLÓ stands in line with other impoverished families waiting for food. As the volunteer announces the kitchen is closed, disappointment spreads through the crowd. GORDON, a father, pleads for food for his son WILLIAM, who is playing 'I Spy' with him. LÁSZLÓ shows compassion by advocating for WILLIAM and offers to hold a place in line for him the next day, providing a glimmer of hope amidst the despair.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authenticity
Weaknesses
  • Limited intense conflict
  • Predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and the harsh reality of their situation, creating a compelling and engaging narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of community support and resilience in the face of adversity is effectively portrayed, adding depth to the characters and driving the emotional impact of the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the characters' struggle for survival and the challenges they face in obtaining basic necessities, moving the story forward while highlighting key themes.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on poverty and compassion, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel genuine and impactful.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and relatable, with LÁSZLÓ showing compassion and determination in helping the young boy. GORDON's role adds depth to the scene, showcasing the importance of community support.

Character Changes: 7

LÁSZLÓ shows growth and compassion in his interactions with the young boy, demonstrating a willingness to help others despite his own challenges.

Internal Goal: 8

LÁSZLÓ's internal goal is to help the little boy, reflecting his compassion and desire to make a difference in the lives of others.

External Goal: 7

LÁSZLÓ's external goal is to ensure the little boy gets food, reflecting the immediate challenge of scarcity and hunger in the soup kitchen.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a level of conflict in the scene regarding the characters' struggle for food, the focus is more on compassion and resilience rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the volunteers' refusal to provide food creating a conflict that adds depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are high in terms of the characters' basic needs and survival, the focus is more on compassion and community support rather than intense high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the characters' resilience and the challenges they face, setting the stage for further development and exploration of key themes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events with the shortage of food and the characters' reactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the volunteers trying to manage shortages and the families in need, highlighting the ethical dilemma of limited resources and compassion.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, highlighting the characters' struggles and the importance of compassion and support in difficult times.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters, enhancing the authenticity of the scene and driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes, realistic dialogue, and the sense of urgency in the characters' actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, contributing to its effectiveness in conveying the urgency of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively conveys the tension and emotion of the situation, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a somber atmosphere with the rain and the imagery of impoverished families waiting for food, which aligns well with the overall themes of struggle and survival in the screenplay. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by delving deeper into László's internal conflict and feelings of isolation amidst the crowd.
  • The dialogue between Gordon and William adds a layer of warmth and innocence, contrasting with the bleak setting. However, the introduction of Gordon and William feels somewhat abrupt. A brief moment of connection or backstory could enhance their characters and make their presence more impactful.
  • László's interaction with the volunteer is commendable as it showcases his empathy and willingness to help others, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. Exploring László's feelings about his own situation while advocating for William could create a more poignant moment.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the volunteer's announcement to László's response could be smoother. The abruptness of the volunteer's shout could be softened with a moment of silence or a reaction shot from László before he speaks.
  • The scene ends on a note of uncertainty and hope, which is effective. However, it might be beneficial to include a visual or auditory cue that emphasizes László's determination to return the next day, reinforcing his character's resilience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or internal monologue for László that reflects on his past experiences with hunger or loss, which would deepen the audience's understanding of his character and motivations.
  • Introduce Gordon and William with a small action or dialogue that hints at their backstory or relationship, making them feel more integral to the scene rather than just passing characters.
  • Enhance László's emotional response to the situation by including a moment where he reflects on his own struggles while advocating for William, creating a parallel between their experiences.
  • Smooth out the transition between the volunteer's announcement and László's response by incorporating a moment of silence or a reaction shot that captures the disappointment of the crowd before László speaks.
  • Add a visual or auditory cue at the end of the scene that symbolizes László's determination, such as a close-up of his face showing resolve or the sound of the rain intensifying as he vows to return.



Scene 8 - Desperate Measures
17 INT. ABOVE GROUND TROLLEY - LATER 17
LÁSZLÓ holds a leather strap for balance in a packed tram
car. He regards a woman’s purse in front of him. After a
moment, she exits.

LÁSZLÓ shifts around as a new group of pedestrians come
aboard. Two well-dressed businessmen enter and stand to his
left. The train begins to move. With each sharp turn, the
passengers lean with the train.

LÁSZLÓ’s left hand enters the business man’s coat pocket but
quickly recedes with nothing in its grasp. His expression is
grave, debased. He makes a decision and slowly re-positions
himself to the other side of the two men.

LÁSZLÓ
Excuse me.

He waits for the tram to make another sharp turn, and as it
does....

LÁSZLÓ’s right hand enters the businessman’s coat pocket. He
quickly pulls it back with something in his grip.

LÁSZLÓ hesitates to look down and see the fruit of his labor.

CLOSE ON -

He opens his hand to reveal a soiled tissue.


18 INT. THE CONGREGATION MIKVEH ISRAEL - LATER 18
LÁSZLÓ sits for a service, a kippah atop his crown.

CHAZZAN (O.S.)
(Hebrew)
We will hallow and adore You as the
sweet words of the assembly of the
holy Seraphim who thrice repeat
"holy" unto You, as it is written
by Your prophet: And they call one
to another and Say...

LÁSZLÓ
(Hebrew)
Holy, holy, holy is the L-rd of
hosts; the whole earth is full of
His glory.


19 INT. THE CONGREGATION MIKVEH ISRAEL - LATER 19
LONG LENS ON -

LÁSZLÓ approaches RABBI ZUNZ in a greeting processional.

LÁSZLÓ
Boker tov. Rabbi Zunz-?

RABBI ZUNZ
Yes?

LÁSZLÓ
(discreet)
My niece and wife- I have learned
the two are stuck at the Austrian
boundary-

RABBI ZUNZ understands.

RABBI ZUNZ
Wait not many minutes for me and we
can speak after. Mikveh Israel can
try and help but from here it is
very difficult, as you know-

LÁSZLÓ nods graciously and extends a hand in thanks.


20 INT./ EXT. WORKSHOP/ FOUNDRY - DAY 20
A SERIES OF ANGLES ON -
LÁSZLÓ’s meticulous process as he constructs a chaise lounge
and 2 tubular metal Bauhaus style chairs.

- Sparks illuminate LÁSZLÓ’s face as he presides over two men
welding a few pieces of metal together in a garage. ATTILA
assists them.

- LÁSZLÓ feverishly pencils a drawing.

- Pan up an elegant S-shaped plank of soft wood.

- Inside, with the precision of a tailor, LÁSZLÓ measures a
strip of leather for the chair back.

- ATTILA pulls the leather down, and the two stand back to
observe the object which appears somehow incomplete.

- Pan across other masterful drawings which are carelessly
strewn about.

The flow of work and ideas for a wide variety of different
objects appears infinite.


21 EXT. FURNITURE SHOWROOM - LATER 21
AUDREY observes LÁSZLÓ’s two finished chairs and a functional
utilitarian shelving unit in the shop front display. She
paces back and forth on the sidewalk.

AUDREY
Well, I’m not sure what to do with
them is all.

She bites her lip.

AUDREY (CONT'D)
What do you think I should pair
them with?

LÁSZLÓ
Leave it-

AUDREY
How?

LÁSZLÓ
Leave it like that.

AUDREY reaches a conclusion.

AUDREY
They look like tricycles.

LÁSZLÓ looks a little puzzled.

LÁSZLÓ
What’s that?

AUDREY
A bike for kids.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a bustling urban setting, LÁSZLÓ attempts to pickpocket a businessman on a packed tram but only ends up with a soiled tissue. He then seeks guidance from RABBI ZUNZ at a religious service regarding his family's plight at the Austrian boundary. After the service, LÁSZLÓ is seen meticulously crafting furniture in a workshop, leading to a tense interaction with AUDREY in a showroom, where she critiques his designs, comparing them to tricycles. The scene captures LÁSZLÓ's struggles and desperation, ending with his puzzled reaction to AUDREY's comment.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Artistic passion portrayal
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited dialogue variation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into László's character development, moral complexity, and artistic pursuits, creating a multi-layered and engaging narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring László's moral dilemma, dedication to family, and passion for furniture design is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on László's internal struggle and his pursuit of his passion, moving the story forward while also developing his character.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the struggles of a craftsman trying to make ends meet, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene effectively develops László's character, showcasing his moral complexity, dedication to family, and passion for furniture design. Audrey and Attila also play important supporting roles in his journey.

Character Changes: 8

László undergoes significant internal growth and self-reflection in the scene, grappling with moral dilemmas and finding support in pursuing his passion for furniture design.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal is to provide for his family and navigate difficult circumstances. His actions reflect his desire to protect and support his loved ones.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to create and sell furniture to support his family. This reflects his immediate need for financial stability.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is internal conflict within László, the scene lacks external conflict, focusing more on character development and thematic exploration.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, presenting challenges and obstacles that test the protagonist's morals and decisions.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, László's moral dilemma and pursuit of his passion carry personal significance and emotional weight.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening László's character development, exploring his relationships with Audrey and Attila, and setting the stage for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the protagonist's actions and decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the morality of László's actions, such as stealing and lying, to achieve his goals. This challenges his values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through László's internal struggle, his dedication to family, and his passion for furniture design, creating a poignant and reflective atmosphere.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is meaningful and serves to deepen the characterization of László, Audrey, and Attila, providing insight into their relationships and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its suspenseful atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and intricate character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for the genre, enhancing the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively conveys the protagonist's goals and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures László's desperation and moral decline through his attempt to pickpocket, which is a strong visual representation of his current state. However, the transition from the tram to the religious service feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother narrative flow to maintain the emotional continuity.
  • The use of Hebrew dialogue adds authenticity to the religious setting, but it may alienate viewers who do not understand the language. Consider including subtitles or a brief translation to ensure the audience can fully grasp the significance of the prayer.
  • László's interaction with Rabbi Zunz is poignant, but it could be enhanced by providing more context about the Rabbi's character and his relationship with László. This would deepen the emotional impact of their exchange and highlight the community's role in László's life.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven; the pickpocketing moment is quick and tense, while the subsequent religious service feels slower and more contemplative. Balancing these contrasting tempos could create a more cohesive emotional arc throughout the scene.
  • The visual imagery of László's actions in the tram juxtaposed with the solemnity of the religious service is powerful, but it may benefit from a clearer thematic connection. Exploring how these two moments reflect László's internal conflict could strengthen the scene's overall impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for László after he realizes he has only stolen a soiled tissue. This could provide insight into his emotional state and enhance the audience's understanding of his despair.
  • Introduce a visual or auditory motif that connects the tram scene with the religious service, such as the sound of the tram fading into the chanting of the service, to create a more seamless transition.
  • Expand on László's conversation with Rabbi Zunz by including a line or two that reveals more about his hopes or fears regarding his family. This would add depth to his character and heighten the stakes of his situation.
  • Consider incorporating a brief flashback or memory that illustrates László's past connection to his faith or family, which could enrich the emotional weight of his current struggles.
  • To enhance the tension, you might include a moment where László is almost caught while pickpocketing, which would heighten the stakes and emphasize his desperation.



Scene 9 - A Vision for the Library
22 EXT. EMPLOYEE RESTROOM - MORNING 22
LÁSZLÓ shaves himself with a straight blade. As he does, he
charmingly practices an embellished American accent in the
mirror.

LÁSZLÓ
(emphasizing his R’s)
Peter Piper picked a peck of
pickled peppers. Did Peter Piper
pick a peck of pickled peppers? If
Peter Piper picked a peck of
pickled peppers, where's the peck
of pickled peppers Peter Piper
picked?


23 EXT. FURNITURE SHOWROOM - MOMENTS LATER 23
LÁSZLÓ exits the bathroom with a towel around his neck and WE
TRACK with him down the sidewalk. When he reaches the front
of the building, as he rounds the corner, he bumps into
ATTILA who grabs him by the arm.

ATTILA
Get over here.

We follow behind them urgently...

ATTILA (CONT'D)
We have an important customer
inside; furnished him a two-story
office space downtown on the cheap
last year. He’s interested in us
doing some built-in work at a
residence.

24 INT. FURNITURE SHOWROOM - MOMENTS LATER 24
HARRY LEE VAN BUREN, 30s, handsome, smokes in an office chair
towards the back of the shop. ATTILA hurries back to his
desk. LÁSZLÓ, still holding a razor blade, follows behind
him.

ATTILA
Mr. Van Buren, this is my cousin,
László.

LÁSZLÓ nods.

HARRY LEE
Please - that’s what people call my
father. Call me Harry.

ATTILA
(to LÁSZLÓ)
Harry would like some shelving
units installed over at his
family’s property in Doylestown.

HARRY addresses the blade in LÁSZLÓ’s hand.

HARRY LEE
Sorry to interrupt.

HARRY LEE (CONT'D)
I hoped someone might follow me out
there to take a look at my father’s
study. My sister and I’d like to
surprise him by turning it into a
proper library.

LÁSZLÓ
How do you mean?

HARRY LEE
-place is in complete disarray; a
whole mess of books and paperwork
so I guess we’d just like some tall
shelves and cabinetry installed?
Maybe make him a ladder with little
wheels on it, you know, like you’d
see in a real library? He’s a
voracious reader.

ATTILA
We can make you something like
that. Let me have Audrey come down
to keep an eye on the place. I’ll
pull the van around.

HARRY LEE
Fantastic.
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Historical"]

Summary László practices his American accent while shaving in the employee restroom. Afterward, he meets his cousin Attila, who informs him about an important customer, Harry Lee Van Buren, interested in custom shelving for his father's study. They enter the furniture showroom where Harry shares his vision for the library, and Attila agrees to have Audrey oversee the project while he retrieves the van. The scene conveys a light and professional tone, highlighting the excitement surrounding the upcoming collaboration.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Smooth transitions
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces a new plot point while maintaining a sense of urgency and charm. It sets up potential character development and showcases László's skills and adaptability.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of surprising Harry Lee's father with a library renovation adds depth to the storyline and offers opportunities for character growth. It introduces a new challenge for László and expands the world of the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with the introduction of a new project that has the potential to impact László's journey and relationships. It adds layers to the story and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the traditional furniture showroom setting by incorporating elements of humor, personal connection, and creative problem-solving. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with László showcasing his skills and adaptability, while Harry Lee and Attila provide context and opportunities for growth. The interactions feel authentic and contribute to the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 7

László undergoes a subtle shift in this scene, moving from a mundane task to a new creative challenge. The introduction of the library project hints at potential growth and transformation for the character.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal in this scene is to showcase his charm and adaptability, as he practices an American accent and navigates a potential business opportunity with a new client. This reflects his desire to succeed in his family's furniture business and make a good impression on clients.

External Goal: 9

László's external goal is to secure a new project for the furniture showroom by impressing Harry Lee Van Buren with his skills and professionalism. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of meeting a client's specific needs and expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a sense of urgency and the introduction of a new project, the conflict in this scene is relatively low. The focus is more on opportunity and growth rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as László faces the challenge of meeting Harry Lee's specific design needs while balancing his own traditional approach to furniture making. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how László will handle this new opportunity.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not incredibly high in this scene, the introduction of a new project and the potential for growth and success add a layer of importance and anticipation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new plot point and setting up future developments. It expands the world of the narrative and opens up opportunities for character growth.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected business proposal from Harry Lee and the potential clash of values between traditional craftsmanship and modern design. The audience is left wondering how László will navigate this new challenge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between traditional craftsmanship and modern design trends. Harry Lee's desire to transform his father's study into a modern library challenges László's traditional approach to furniture making, highlighting a clash of values and aesthetics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of hope and positivity, with the potential for new beginnings and challenges. It sets up emotional stakes for the characters and engages the audience in their journey.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and serves the purpose of advancing the plot and revealing character dynamics. It is natural and reflective of the setting and the relationships between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, dynamic character interactions, and intriguing business opportunity. The blend of humor and tension keeps the audience invested in the outcome of the interaction.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a smooth transition between László's personal moment in the restroom and the business interaction with Harry Lee. The dialogue and action flow naturally, maintaining the audience's interest and momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character introductions, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character dynamics.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, moving seamlessly from László's personal moment in the restroom to the business interaction with Harry Lee. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness and flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes László's character through his practice of an American accent while shaving, showcasing his desire to assimilate and adapt to his new environment. However, the transition from the restroom to the showroom feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother narrative flow.
  • The dialogue between László and Attila is functional but lacks depth. While it conveys necessary information about the customer, it doesn't reveal much about their relationship or individual personalities. Adding a layer of subtext or emotional stakes could enhance the interaction.
  • Harry Lee's introduction is somewhat flat. While he is described as handsome and smoking, there is little else to distinguish him as a character. Providing more detail about his demeanor or motivations could make him more engaging and memorable.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven. The initial moment of László practicing his accent is engaging, but the subsequent dialogue feels rushed. Allowing for more pauses or reactions could help build tension and give the audience time to absorb the information.
  • The visual elements are somewhat standard. While the setting of a furniture showroom is clear, there could be more vivid descriptions of the environment to create a stronger sense of place. Incorporating sensory details about the showroom's atmosphere could enhance immersion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for László after he practices his accent, perhaps revealing his insecurities or hopes about fitting in. This could deepen his character and create empathy from the audience.
  • Enhance the dialogue between László and Attila by incorporating personal anecdotes or humor that reflects their familial bond. This could make their relationship feel more authentic and relatable.
  • Develop Harry Lee's character by including a unique quirk or detail that sets him apart. For example, he could have a specific way of speaking or a particular interest that aligns with the shelving project, making him more memorable.
  • Adjust the pacing by allowing for more natural pauses in the dialogue. This could involve characters reacting to each other’s statements or adding moments of silence that emphasize the weight of the conversation.
  • Enrich the visual description of the showroom by including details about the furniture, the layout, or the ambiance. This could help paint a clearer picture for the audience and make the setting feel more alive.



Scene 10 - Arrival at the Van Buren Estate
25 EXT. COUNTY ROADS - LATER 25
ULTRA-WIDE LOW ANGLE ON -

Asphalt rushes at us. The road bends and curves.

26 EXT. ATTILA’S BEDFORD VAN - CONTINUOUS 26
In the front windshield’s reflection we view HARRY LEE’s
sports car as it speeds with thrilling abandon down the local
county roads.

ATTILA
They’ve got something like nine
hundred acres out here, I’m not
kidding. A few buildings downtown
too- one of them’s a department
store.

LÁSZLÓ
They pay you well?

ATTILA
On the last job, they paid okay.
They took on a lot of pieces
though. Kept adding to the order.
Even at a discount, it adds up...

ATTILA references HARRY LEE’s sports car.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
His old man got flush adapting
production techniques to expedite
the manufacturing of cargo ships
during the war.

ATTILA struggles to keep up in his van.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
(shouting at the window)
Christ, is this guy trying to shake
us? Does he think he’s in a drag
race? Come on, already!


27 EXT. VAN BUREN GATES - LATER 27
HARRY LEE opens a gate and waves them past.

HARRY LEE
(shouts)
Stay left until you see the main
house. You can park wherever you’d
like.

ATTILA turns his clumsy green Bedford through the front
gates.


28 EXT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - MOMENTS LATER 28
ANGLE ON -

The view of the striking estate framed by a tree-lined
driveway.

CUE: The score is ominous and it hums.

29 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - FOYER - MOMENTS LATER 29
We are tight on LÁSZLÓ as he moves through the house. He’s
led by his cousin and HARRY LEE. LÁSZLÓ takes note of various
modernist sculptures on pedestals around the entryway.

HARRY LEE
I do appreciate you coming out here
on such short notice, gentlemen.
Father’s away only until next
Friday so I was anxious to pin this
down.

ATTILA
It’s no inconvenience for us,
chief.

They turn a corner and ATTILA shoots a glance at LÁSZLÓ.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
It’s your lucky day too cause my
cousin here is a licensed
architect, and a specialist in
renovations... He’s even designed a
library before, back at home. I
mean, a whole city library.

HARRY LEE
What city is that?

LÁSZLÓ speaks...

LÁSZLÓ
Budapest.

HARRY LEE
(cheerful)
I see. Never been.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary Attila and László drive to the Van Buren estate in Attila's Bedford van, discussing their work and expressing frustration at Harry Lee's reckless driving in his sports car. Upon arrival, they are welcomed by Harry, who shows interest in László's architectural background while László admires the modernist sculptures in the estate. The scene transitions from tension on the road to a cordial atmosphere inside the estate.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Introduction of new setting and characters
  • Potential for future plot developments
Weaknesses
  • Limited character growth
  • Moderate conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively introduces a new location and characters while hinting at potential developments. The dialogue is engaging, and the tension between the characters adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring a new setting and introducing a potential architectural project adds depth to the overall narrative. It sets the stage for character development and future plot twists.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses effectively in this scene by introducing new elements and potential conflicts. The interaction at the Van Buren Estate hints at future developments and keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the clash between traditional craftsmanship and modern industrial practices, with authentic dialogue and character motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with distinct personalities and motivations. László's architectural background and Attila's supportive nature add layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle hints at character growth, particularly in László's exploration of a new project, significant changes have yet to occur. The scene sets the stage for potential character development in future events.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to impress Harry Lee with his cousin's architectural skills and secure a lucrative renovation project. This reflects his desire for recognition, success, and financial stability.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to secure a renovation project at the Van Buren estate. This reflects the immediate challenge of impressing Harry Lee and securing a lucrative contract.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is tension and competition hinted at in the scene, the conflict is not fully developed yet. The introduction of Harry Lee and the potential project at the estate set the stage for future conflicts.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Harry Lee's skepticism and the clash of values between characters creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in this scene, as the characters explore a potential project at the Van Buren Estate. The outcome of their interactions could have significant implications for their future.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new elements, characters, and potential conflicts. It sets the stage for future plot developments and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 7.5

The scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' interactions and the outcome of their meeting with Harry Lee. The tension keeps the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' values of craftsmanship and modernity. Harry Lee represents modern industrial techniques, while the protagonist values traditional craftsmanship and design.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of anticipation and curiosity, as the characters navigate a new environment and potential opportunities. The emotional depth is enhanced by László's architectural background and the dynamics between the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It drives the plot forward and adds depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of tension, character dynamics, and thematic exploration. The dialogue and setting descriptions keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining audience interest. The rhythm of dialogue exchanges and setting descriptions contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard screenplay formatting conventions, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct beats for character introductions, setting descriptions, and dialogue exchanges. It maintains a cohesive flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and tension with the ultra-wide low angle shot of the asphalt rushing towards the audience, which visually conveys the speed and excitement of the moment. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance character development and conflict. Currently, the conversation between Attila and László feels somewhat expository and lacks emotional depth.
  • Attila's dialogue about Harry Lee's family history provides context but could be more engaging if it included personal anecdotes or reflections that reveal Attila's feelings about their work or Harry Lee himself. This would help to create a more dynamic interaction and deepen the audience's understanding of the characters' relationships.
  • The transition from the van to the estate is visually appealing, but the ominous score cue feels somewhat clichéd. Instead of relying solely on music to create tension, consider incorporating visual elements or character reactions that hint at the underlying unease about the estate or the meeting with Harry Lee.
  • László's introduction is brief and lacks a strong emotional hook. As a licensed architect, his expertise should be highlighted in a way that connects to his personal journey or struggles. This could be achieved through a more introspective moment or a line that reflects his past experiences in Budapest, making him more relatable and layered.
  • The dialogue exchange about the library feels flat and could be enhanced by adding a layer of competition or tension between László and Harry Lee. Perhaps Harry could express skepticism about László's qualifications, prompting László to defend his work more passionately, which would add depth to their interaction.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to reveal character motivations and emotions. For example, Attila could express his own insecurities about the job or his relationship with Harry Lee, which would add complexity to the scene.
  • Consider adding a moment where László reflects on his past experiences in Budapest, perhaps through a brief flashback or a line that connects his architectural skills to his personal history. This would help the audience understand his character better.
  • Instead of relying solely on the ominous score, use visual cues or character expressions to build tension. For instance, László could show signs of apprehension as they approach the estate, hinting at his feelings about the meeting.
  • Enhance the interaction between László and Harry Lee by introducing a competitive element. Harry could question László's experience or express doubts about his abilities, prompting László to assert himself and showcase his passion for architecture.
  • Add more descriptive visuals to the estate's introduction to create a stronger sense of place. Consider using sensory details that evoke the atmosphere, such as the sounds of nature or the grandeur of the architecture, to immerse the audience in the setting.



Scene 11 - Budgeting the Study Renovation
30 INT. VAN BUREN’S STUDY - MOMENTS LATER 30
HARRY LEE pushes a door open to reveal a dark, octagonal-
shaped study framed by heavy curtains drawn to cover the
floor-to-ceiling windows.

Only a small shaft of light is allowed in through the corbel
glass dome above. Hardbound books are stacked on and
scattered across Van Buren’s desk, floor space, and the
existing two meter high bookshelves.

HARRY LEE pulls a curtain aside flooding the room with light.
Particulate floats all around him.

HARRY LEE
Don’t mind the mess.

LÁSZLÓ and ATTILA observe the space.

HARRY LEE (CONT'D)
I’m thinking... Shelves up to the
ceiling, and some good reading
lamps. Perhaps some wall fixtures
that extend? Father always keeps
the curtains drawn.

LÁSZLÓ
-to protect the books from the
sunlight. We are south-facing here.

HARRY LEE
Sure.

ATTILA
What’s your budget?

HARRY LEE
What’s your estimate?

LÁSZLÓ
Depends on the materials.

HARRY LEE
Well, make it of reasonable
quality. Maybe a nice place for him
to sit and read, as well? A good
chair or bench for him against the
window?

LÁSZLÓ regards the stained-glass dome above. There is an ugly
diagonal crack across it.

LÁSZLÓ
Would you like us to replace that?

HARRY LEE
If there’s time, why not? A branch
fell on it during that nasty storm
last summer; a tropical depression
they called it.

HARRY LEE stops to think, arrives at a number...

HARRY LEE (CONT'D)
Keep it below six or seven hundred
dollars, can you? My sister and I
are splitting it. I don’t want any
unexpected add-ons.

ATTILA masks his enthusiasm.

ATTILA
Don’t worry, we’ll come in on-
budget. You want this all done by
next Friday, you said?

HARRY LEE
Thursday night, preferably. I can’t
be here during the week but the
staff can let you in, and if
anything comes up, have them ring
me at the office.

LÁSZLÓ
(firm)
To be finished on Thursday, we need
extra hands. Including materials
and glass, eight hundred dollars.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Van Buren's dimly lit study, Harry Lee discusses renovation plans with László and Attila, focusing on adding shelves and a comfortable chair while considering a budget of six to seven hundred dollars. László argues for a higher budget of eight hundred dollars to meet a Thursday deadline, creating tension between Harry's budget constraints and László's practical needs. The scene maintains a light-hearted tone as they navigate the budget discussions, ending with the conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Detailed design discussion
  • Professional tone
  • Clear character expertise
Weaknesses
  • Low emotional impact
  • Minimal character change
  • Limited conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a clear focus on the design of the study shelves and the interaction between the characters. The dialogue is informative and professional, setting the tone for the task ahead. The introduction of the budget constraint and the cracked dome adds depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of designing shelves for the study is engaging and adds a practical element to the narrative. The introduction of the budget constraint and the cracked dome adds complexity and intrigue to the scene, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the task of designing shelves for the study, introducing a new challenge for the characters to overcome. The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up a specific goal for the characters to achieve.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates originality through its unique setting, character interactions, and thematic exploration of family dynamics and renovation.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly LÁSZLÓ and HARRY LEE, are well-defined and their expertise in their respective fields is highlighted through their dialogue. The interaction between the characters reveals their personalities and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in the scene, as the focus is on the task of designing shelves for the study. The characters' expertise and professionalism remain consistent throughout the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Harry Lee's internal goal in this scene is to create a comfortable and aesthetically pleasing reading space for Van Buren, reflecting his desire to please his father and create a harmonious environment.

External Goal: 7

Harry Lee's external goal is to renovate Van Buren's study within a specific budget and time frame, showcasing his responsibility and attention to detail.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a subtle conflict in the scene regarding the budget constraint and the cracked dome, the overall tone remains professional and focused on problem-solving. The conflict adds tension to the task at hand but is not the central focus of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but not overwhelming, allowing for character growth and development.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are moderate, as the characters are tasked with designing shelves for the study within a specific budget and time frame. The cracked dome adds a layer of complexity to the task, raising the stakes slightly.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new task for the characters to tackle. The design of the study shelves becomes a focal point for the narrative, setting up future developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected challenges and decisions faced by the characters, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome of the renovation project.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between quality and budget, as well as the importance of preserving history and memories through renovation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The emotional impact of the scene is relatively low, as the focus is primarily on the technical aspects of designing shelves for the study. The characters' interactions are informative and professional, with little room for emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is informative and professional, reflecting the characters' expertise in architecture and design. The conversation flows naturally, providing insight into the characters' thought processes and the task at hand.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the mystery surrounding Van Buren's study, and the tension between quality and budget constraints.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and description that maintains the audience's interest and drives the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character goals, conflicts, and resolutions, fitting the expected format for a character-driven drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting of Van Buren's study, creating a vivid image of a cluttered, dimly lit space that reflects the character's personality and circumstances. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; it feels somewhat expository and lacks emotional depth. The characters are discussing practical matters, but there is an opportunity to infuse more personality and stakes into their conversation.
  • Harry Lee's character comes across as somewhat one-dimensional in this scene. While he expresses a desire for a comfortable reading space, his motivations and personality could be fleshed out further. Adding a line or two that reveals his relationship with his father or his own feelings about the renovations could enhance his character and make the audience more invested in the outcome.
  • The dialogue between László and Harry Lee is functional but lacks tension. László's insistence on the budget feels like a negotiation, but it could be heightened with more conflict or urgency. Perhaps László could express frustration about the budget constraints, hinting at his own financial struggles or the importance of the project to him personally.
  • The scene transitions smoothly from the previous one, but the pacing could be improved. The dialogue feels a bit rushed, especially when discussing the budget. Allowing for pauses or reactions could create a more natural flow and give the audience time to absorb the information being shared.
  • The visual elements, such as the stained-glass dome and the floating particles in the light, are strong and create a poetic atmosphere. However, these visuals could be tied more closely to the characters' emotions or the themes of the story. For instance, the cracked dome could symbolize the fragility of their current situation or the weight of their pasts.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more character-driven dialogue that reveals Harry Lee's personality and his relationship with his father. This could create a more engaging dynamic between him and László.
  • Introduce a sense of urgency or conflict in the budget discussion. Perhaps László could express concern about the feasibility of the project within the given constraints, reflecting his own struggles and the stakes involved.
  • Incorporate pauses or reactions in the dialogue to improve pacing and allow the audience to digest the information. This could also create a more natural rhythm in the conversation.
  • Enhance the emotional resonance of the visuals by connecting them to the characters' experiences or the overarching themes of the story. For example, the cracked dome could serve as a metaphor for their struggles and aspirations.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for László after Harry Lee mentions the budget. This could provide insight into his character and the weight of the decisions he is making.



Scene 12 - Dancing in the Shadows
31 INT. ATTILA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT 31
CUE: Dinah Shore’s “Buttons and Bows” plays on the
gramophone.

LÁSZLÓ sits at a small kitchen table backed up against the
wall. The overhead lamp makes a dark shadow across his face.
He watches ATTILA who is wildly drunk, dancing with his tipsy
wife, AUDREY. He convincingly mouths the lyrics to “Buttons
and Bows” which makes AUDREY laugh.

ATTILA
Dance with us! Come on! Cut a rug.

LÁSZLÓ
No, thank you.

ATTILA pulls open his sweaty collar, grabs an apron, wrapping
it around his waist like a dress and continues mouthing
Dinah’s lyrics.

ATTILA
Don’t be a spoiled-sport!

LÁSZLÓ
(smiles)
I’m not sure what that is but no
thank you.

CUE: The track comes to an end.

ATTILA
(to Audrey)
Flip it for the other side-

ATTILA catches his breath.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
You should have seen him talking up
the price today! I was ready to
settle at 450.

LÁSZLÓ
I wasn’t doing that. I was just
telling him how much it will cost.

To AUDREY...

ATTILA
I thought he was about to blow it
for us!

To LÁSZLÓ...

ATTILA (CONT'D)
I did! I honestly did! I thought
you were going to completely blow
it but you held your ground. That’s
what makes you a professional.

LÁSZLÓ appears embarrassed.

LÁSZLÓ
Hopefully, it’s not only that-

ATTILA turns to AUDREY, playfully turning the screws on her.

ATTILA
You know, László’s bride was a goy,
too, when they met, but she
converted for him-

AUDREY rolls her eyes.

AUDREY
I should put a muzzle on you.

A new track comes on.

AUDREY (CONT'D)
Oh! This is my favorite.

ATTILA
Dance with her, László!

AUDREY looks a little embarrassed.

AUDREY
He doesn’t want to.

ATTILA
(drunk and antagonizing)
Don’t keep her waiting, cousin.
It’s her favorite song.

ATTILA’s tone has darkened the atmosphere. LÁSZLÓ finally
stands and approaches AUDREY.

HANDHELD ON -

LÁSZLÓ takes AUDREY by the waist and they sway back and
forth. There’s a palpable erotic tension.

AUDREY
You’re awfully skinny, aren’t you?

LÁSZLÓ nods, still swaying rhythmically.

ATTILA
See! It’s like riding a bike.

ATTILA wraps his arms around them both and the three sway and
sway.

AUDREY longs for LÁSZLÓ.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In Attila's apartment at night, László observes a drunken Attila dancing with his wife, Audrey, to 'Buttons and Bows.' Despite Attila's encouragement, László initially resists joining the fun, leading to playful banter that hints at deeper tensions. As the atmosphere shifts, László finally dances with Audrey, creating an intimate moment between them, while Attila drunkenly embraces them both, highlighting the complexities of their relationships.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous moments
  • Intimate interactions
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor, intimacy, and character development, creating a memorable and engaging moment. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and reveal layers of the characters' personalities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around showcasing the relationships between the characters through humor, intimacy, and playful interactions. It effectively explores the dynamics between the characters and adds depth to their personalities.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it serves as a moment of character development and relationship building. It adds depth to the characters and provides insight into their personalities and dynamics.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and interactions, such as László's professionalism contrasting with Attila's drunken behavior. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in the scene. Each character has distinct traits and motivations, which are effectively conveyed through their dialogue and actions.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics and relationships, there are no significant character changes in this scene. It serves more as a moment of bonding and revelation of personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his professionalism and composure despite the drunken antics of Attila. This reflects his need for respect and validation in his work.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to navigate the social dynamics and interactions with Attila and Audrey in a graceful manner. He wants to avoid conflict and maintain a positive relationship with them.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene has a low level of conflict, focusing more on humor and character interactions. The conflict arises from the playful banter and awkward moments between the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, keeping the audience engaged and unsure of how the interactions will unfold.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character interactions and relationships. The main tension comes from the playful banter and awkward moments between the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene does not significantly move the main story forward but provides important insights into the characters' relationships and personalities. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between characters and the unexpected turns in their interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between professionalism and personal relationships. László's dedication to his work is challenged by the playful and sometimes inappropriate behavior of Attila and Audrey.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including humor, affection, and embarrassment. The interactions between the characters create a sense of intimacy and connection, engaging the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the characters' personalities and relationships. It flows naturally and adds depth to the scene, enhancing the interactions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters, the humor, and the underlying tension that keeps the audience interested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a good balance between dialogue, action, and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and dialogue. It maintains a good pacing and rhythm.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of levity amidst the tension of László's life, showcasing the contrast between his serious demeanor and Attila's drunken antics. However, the humor could be enhanced by incorporating more physical comedy or exaggerated actions from Attila, which would further emphasize the absurdity of the situation.
  • The dialogue flows naturally, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, László's response to Attila's comment about his wife converting could be more succinct, allowing for a sharper punchline that highlights the awkwardness of the situation.
  • The use of music sets a nostalgic and playful tone, but the transition between the songs could be more seamless. Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a sound cue that indicates the end of one track and the beginning of another, enhancing the rhythm of the scene.
  • The palpable tension between László and Audrey is intriguing, but it could be further developed. Adding subtle non-verbal cues, such as lingering glances or hesitant touches, would deepen the emotional stakes and make the audience more invested in their dynamic.
  • The scene's climax, where László finally dances with Audrey, feels somewhat abrupt. Building up to this moment with more hesitation or internal conflict from László would create a more satisfying payoff, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his decision to engage.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more physical comedy from Attila to enhance the humor and absurdity of the scene.
  • Tighten László's dialogue for clarity and impact, especially in response to Attila's comments.
  • Add a sound cue or moment of silence to improve the transition between songs.
  • Include subtle non-verbal cues to deepen the tension between László and Audrey.
  • Build up László's internal conflict before he dances with Audrey to create a more satisfying emotional payoff.



Scene 13 - Awkward Reflections
32 INT. ATTILA’S APARTMENT - LATER 32
ATTILA’s passed out on the bed.

The bathroom door is open. LÁSZLÓ is hunched over the bathtub
pissing into it. He sweats profusely.

A NEW ANGLE reveals AUDREY smoking a cigarette watching him.

AUDREY
(deadpan)
You missed the toilet.

LÁSZLÓ finishes and stumbles out.

LÁSZLÓ
What-

AUDREY
(murmurs)
Better than the carpet, I suppose.

BEAT.

AUDREY (CONT'D)
When do you expect your wife might
join you, Mr. Toth-? There isn’t
room for two in that storage space,
I’ll tell you.

LÁSZLÓ
I wish I knew, Audrey. Thank you
for the dinner.

An awkward beat passes between them.

AUDREY
Attila’s shown me some magazine
pictures of the projects you did at
your firm. You’re not what I
expected from what I read about
you.

He leans against the door frame, practically trying to crawl
out.

LÁSZLÓ
I’m not what I expected-

AUDREY
I’m sure you could get a job, a
better job, at a firm here.

LÁSZLÓ
I then-

He breathes.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
-would be working- for someone.

AUDREY
Better than sleeping in a storage
closet.

LONG BEAT. LÁSZLÓ understands.

LÁSZLÓ
I’ll look for somewhere else to
stay. Thank you again for the
dinner.

LÁSZLÓ opens the door and exits.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Attila's apartment, László finds himself in a disoriented state while urinating in the bathtub, observed by Audrey, who smokes a cigarette and makes a sarcastic remark about his aim. Their conversation reveals László's struggles with his living situation and job, prompting Audrey to suggest he seek better opportunities. This leads László to realize he needs to change his circumstances. The scene concludes with him thanking Audrey for dinner and leaving the apartment.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively conveys tension and discomfort through the awkward interaction between László and Audrey. The dialogue and character dynamics are well-crafted, creating a sense of unease and uncertainty.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the awkwardness of displacement and uncertainty is well-executed in the scene. It provides insight into László's struggle to adapt and Audrey's attempt to connect with him.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the interaction between László and Audrey, highlighting their differences and the challenges they face. It adds depth to the characters and advances the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of self-worth and independence, with characters who are struggling to maintain their dignity in difficult circumstances. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are believable.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of László and Audrey are well-developed in the scene, showcasing their contrasting personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion.

Character Changes: 7

László experiences a subtle shift in perspective during the scene, realizing the challenges he faces in his new environment. Audrey also undergoes a moment of reflection, leading to a deeper understanding of László.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his dignity and sense of self-worth despite his current situation. He wants to be seen as more than just someone who sleeps in a storage closet.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to find a new place to stay, as he acknowledges that sleeping in a storage closet is not sustainable.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the emotional tension between László and Audrey. It creates a sense of unease and discomfort, driving the character dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as László is faced with conflicting desires and pressures from Audrey. The audience is left unsure of how he will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the emotional and interpersonal dynamics between the characters. However, the outcome of their interaction could have long-term consequences for their relationship.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by developing the relationship between László and Audrey, setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions. It adds depth to the narrative and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' dialogue and actions. The audience is kept on their toes as they try to anticipate the characters' next moves.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of self-worth and the value of work. Audrey suggests that László could find a better job, but László values his independence and does not want to work for someone else.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the tense and awkward interaction between László and Audrey. It evokes feelings of discomfort and empathy for the characters, drawing the audience into their struggles.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and discomfort between László and Audrey. It reveals their inner thoughts and feelings, adding depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters and the emotional depth of their interactions. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and desires.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotion, with well-timed pauses and character reactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic interaction between characters, with clear dialogue and character actions driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of vulnerability and awkwardness between László and Audrey, which is a strong point. However, the setting of László urinating in the bathtub may come off as overly crude or off-putting for some viewers, potentially detracting from the emotional weight of the conversation that follows.
  • The dialogue between László and Audrey is engaging, but it could benefit from more subtext. While Audrey's comments about László's work and living situation hint at her attraction to him, the dialogue feels somewhat on-the-nose. More nuanced exchanges could enhance the tension and complexity of their relationship.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, particularly in the transition from László's awkward bathroom moment to the conversation with Audrey. A longer pause or additional beats could allow the audience to absorb the discomfort and tension before moving into the dialogue.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While there is an initial awkwardness, it doesn't evolve significantly throughout the exchange. Adding layers to their interaction, such as moments of vulnerability or conflict, could create a more dynamic and engaging scene.
  • The visual elements could be enhanced to better reflect the emotional tone of the scene. For instance, using close-ups on László's expressions or the contrasting body language between him and Audrey could visually convey the tension and attraction that exists beneath the surface.
Suggestions
  • Consider reworking the opening moment to maintain the awkwardness without resorting to crude humor. Perhaps László could be in a more private moment, like washing his hands, which would still convey discomfort without being overly graphic.
  • Introduce more subtext in the dialogue. For example, Audrey could make comments that hint at her feelings for László without directly stating them, allowing the audience to infer the tension.
  • Slow down the pacing by adding more beats between lines of dialogue. This would give the audience time to feel the awkwardness and tension in the air, making the eventual conversation feel more impactful.
  • Develop an emotional arc for the scene. Perhaps László could reveal more about his struggles, allowing Audrey to respond with empathy, which could deepen their connection and create a more engaging dynamic.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more close-ups and varied angles to capture the characters' emotions. This could help to emphasize the tension and attraction between László and Audrey, making the scene more visually compelling.



Scene 14 - Crafting a Vision
33 INT. VAN BUREN’S STUDY - DAY 33
ATTILA and LÁSZLÓ remove the existing Art Deco shelving units
from their place.


34 EXT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - DUSK 34
Next to a two meter tall pile of debris, ATTILA and LÁSZLÓ
craft new units for installation.


35 INT. VAN BUREN’S STUDY - EVENING 35
A SERIES OF ANGLES -

The room is empty. The walls are stripped. The curtains are
gone. Alone, LÁSZLÓ sweeps the floor clean with a broom. He
stops at the center and regards the space.


36 INT. VAN BUREN’S STUDY - NEW DAY 36
BIRDS-EYE VIEW ON-

LÁSZLÓ stands at the center of the room. He is surrounded by
a few HIRED MEN (one is recognizable from the Old City Church
Soup Kitchen, GORDON). Each of them are supporting a large
plywood plate.

LÁSZLÓ
One - two - three!

The men simultaneously lift the plates, standing them up to
completely enclose the room in an octagonal shape. At the
central point of action, it mimics a flower blooming.

The windows now sealed in darkness, save for the sole shaft
of light let through the stained-glass dome above.

CLOSE ON -

The rouge tinted light illuminates LÁSZLÓ’s expression as he
gazes up at it.


37 INT. VAN BUREN’S STUDY - NEW DAY 37
LÁSZLÓ speaks to GORDON and ATTILA.

LÁSZLÓ
Set each panel to 45°.

GORDON mimics LÁSZLÓ’s instruction.

GORDON
Like this?

LÁSZLÓ
Yes, that’s right. That looks
right, doesn’t it? The books shall
fan outwards, you see?

LÁSZLÓ demonstrates with his hands passionately.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Like so.

ATTILA
All in the same direction?

LÁSZLÓ
The long panels, yes. The shelves
themselves, however, can vary in
height to accommodate the larger
volumes our client had been
stacking on the floor.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Van Buren's study, László and Attila remove old Art Deco shelving and begin constructing new units from debris. As dusk falls, they work outside, and the next day, László directs hired men, including Gordon, to assemble plywood panels into an octagonal shape, symbolizing a blooming flower. With enthusiasm, he instructs them on the precise angles for the shelves, showcasing his creative vision and fostering a collaborative atmosphere among the team.
Strengths
  • Detailed architectural design process
  • Character development through passion and expertise
  • Engaging interactions between characters
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Low emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-designed, focusing on character development through László's passion for his work and his interactions with Gordon and Attila. The execution is solid, with clear direction and purpose in showcasing László's expertise. The concept of transforming a room through architectural design is engaging and adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of transforming a room through architectural design is unique and adds depth to the narrative. It showcases László's expertise and dedication to his work, providing insight into his character and skills.

Plot: 8

The plot is effectively progressed in this scene through László's architectural work and interactions with Gordon and Attila. It adds depth to the narrative and showcases László's expertise and passion for his craft.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar trope of interior design by focusing on the intricate process of creating custom shelving units and exploring the philosophical conflict between form and function.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly László, Gordon, and Attila, are well-developed in this scene. László's passion for architecture and attention to detail are highlighted, while Gordon and Attila provide support and interaction that adds depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 6

László undergoes a subtle change in this scene, showcasing his dedication to his craft and attention to detail. His interactions with Gordon and Attila highlight his passion for architecture and commitment to his work.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal in this scene is to create a functional and aesthetically pleasing shelving unit that reflects his passion for design and attention to detail.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to complete the installation of the new shelving units in Van Buren's study according to the client's specifications.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on László's architectural work and interactions with Gordon and Attila. The conflict that does arise is related to the design process and client expectations.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with challenges in the design process that test the characters' skills and creativity, adding tension and complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on László's architectural work and interactions with Gordon and Attila. The scene highlights László's expertise and dedication to his craft.

Story Forward: 7

The scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing László's architectural work and interactions with Gordon and Attila. It adds depth to the narrative and provides insight into László's character and values.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected challenges and creative solutions in the design process, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between form and function in design. László's emphasis on the visual appeal of the shelving units contrasts with the practical considerations of accommodating larger volumes of books.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily through László's passion for his work and the transformative nature of architecture. It provides insight into László's character and values, evoking a sense of determination and focus.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is instructional and reflective, focusing on László's architectural vision and interactions with Gordon and Attila. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the creative process of designing and installing the shelving units, with dynamic interactions between the characters and a sense of tension and anticipation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of slower moments that emphasize the craftsmanship and faster moments that drive the plot forward, creating a sense of rhythm and momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue cues that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, with distinct beats that advance the narrative and develop the characters' goals and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the previous one, maintaining the narrative flow as László moves from a personal moment of reflection to a more action-oriented task. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by incorporating László's internal thoughts or feelings about the renovation, especially considering his recent struggles. This would provide depth to his character and make the audience more invested in his journey.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, particularly the imagery of the octagonal shape mimicking a blooming flower. This metaphor could be further emphasized through László's dialogue or internal monologue, linking the physical act of building to themes of rebirth or hope, which resonate with his character arc.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional resonance. While László's instructions are clear, they could be enriched with more personality or backstory. For instance, László could reflect on why this design is significant to him or how it relates to his past experiences, making the scene more engaging.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, especially in the transition from the sweeping to the construction. Consider allowing more time for László to reflect on the empty space before moving into the construction phase. This could create a more poignant moment that underscores the significance of the renovation.
  • The interaction between László, Gordon, and Attila is functional but could benefit from more dynamic exchanges. Adding some light banter or conflict could enhance the camaraderie and tension among the characters, making their collaboration feel more alive.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate László's internal thoughts or feelings about the renovation to deepen his character and connect the audience to his emotional journey.
  • Enhance the metaphor of the octagonal shape by having László articulate its significance, linking it to themes of rebirth or hope.
  • Infuse the dialogue with more personality or backstory, allowing László to share why this design matters to him, which would enrich the scene.
  • Allow more time for László to reflect on the empty space before transitioning to the construction phase, creating a poignant moment that emphasizes the significance of the renovation.
  • Add dynamic exchanges or light banter between László, Gordon, and Attila to enhance their camaraderie and make their collaboration feel more engaging.



Scene 15 - Chaos on the Rooftop
38 EXT. VAN BUREN ESTATE ROOF - DAY 38
HANDHELD ON -

LÁSZLÓ, ATTILA, GORDON, and the other hired hands work on the
Victorian gabled roof above Van Buren’s study. Amongst a
cobweb of ropes and a makeshift pulley system, the men pull
the rope taut, painstakingly lifting the detached glass dome
from the roof of the study with a short crane arm.

LÁSZLÓ directs GORDON who, in turn, directs the rest of the
group.

LÁSZLÓ
Slowly, Gordon. One steady
movement.

GORDON
(shouts)
Slowly, boys!

The men operate the pulley system successfully lifting the
dome head from its place.

LÁSZLÓ
(mutters)
Left, Gordon. Left. And steady.

GORDON
(shouts)
All right, good! Now left. (Beat)
To the left!

One man manually pushes the base of the crane arm employing
excessive strength, and it suddenly swings out too fast,
hovering over the driveway.

GROUP
Hey, christ, watch out!

The group overcorrect the crane’s movement causing the dome
frame to swing back, gaining velocity, in their direction.
The dome hits the corner gutter hard, knocking out one large
panel from its frame.

ANGLE ON -

It shatters in the driveway below.

BACK TO -

LÁSZLÓ
No!

LÁSZLÓ scrambles across the shingled roof towards the dome
which is stuck at an awkward tilt on the southeast corner of
the mansion.

GORDON
(shouts)
I said to be careful, goddammit!

LÁSZLÓ
(shouts re: crane arm)
Get a hold of that thing!

The group is frozen, spooked. ATTILA calls out...

ATTILA
Everyone all right down there?

HIRED MAN
(defensive)
-the glass was already broken.

ANGLE ON -

LÁSZLÓ crawls on all fours to the very edge of the roof where
the dome frame is stuck.

ATTILA
(shouts)
CAREFUL, LÁSZLÓ!

LÁSZLÓ tries to dislodge the heavy dome frame which grinds
against the guttering.

LÁSZLÓ begins to kick at it over and over again. Its an
increasingly reckless gesture. Finally, after three kicks, he
successfully dislodges the dome from the gutter which causes
it to CRASH to the ground. He breathes heavy-

LÁSZLÓ
We have a piece of gutter to
replace now, as well!
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary On the roof of the Van Buren estate, László leads a team, including Gordon and Attila, in a tense operation to lift a detached glass dome using a pulley system. As they struggle with the heavy load, a miscalculation causes the dome to swing dangerously and crash into the gutter, shattering a panel. In the ensuing chaos, László desperately kicks the dome free, only to cause further damage. The scene captures the urgency and frustration of the men as they confront the mishap and the need for repairs.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character determination
  • High-stakes situation
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and drama through the high-stakes situation of trying to lift the glass dome, leading to a disastrous outcome. The execution of the scene is well-done, with clear direction and impactful moments that keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the characters' attempt to lift the glass dome from the roof, is engaging and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the challenges and obstacles faced by the characters, adding depth to the overall story.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' struggle to lift the glass dome, leading to a disastrous outcome. This event adds tension and conflict to the story, driving the narrative forward and showcasing the characters' determination and resilience.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and situation, with a focus on the physical challenges of lifting a glass dome from a Victorian roof. The characters' reactions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly László and Gordon, are well-developed and their actions and reactions contribute to the tension and drama of the scene. Their determination and frustration are palpable, adding depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the characters' determination and resilience are highlighted, showcasing their growth and development as they face challenges and setbacks.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal is to prove his competence and leadership skills to the group of hired hands. This reflects his deeper need for validation and respect from his peers.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully lift and remove the glass dome from the roof without causing any damage. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in completing the task at hand.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as the characters face a challenging and dangerous situation while trying to lift the glass dome. The disastrous outcome adds to the intensity of the conflict and raises the stakes for the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing unexpected challenges and obstacles that add to the drama and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters' safety and the success of their project are at risk. The disastrous outcome of trying to lift the glass dome raises the stakes even further, adding tension and drama to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a significant obstacle for the characters to overcome. The disastrous outcome of trying to lift the glass dome adds complexity to the plot and sets the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected accidents and challenges that arise during the characters' attempt to lift the glass dome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between caution and efficiency. László's desire to complete the task quickly clashes with Gordon's emphasis on careful movements to avoid accidents.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, as the audience is invested in the characters' struggle and feels the tension and urgency of the situation. The disastrous outcome evokes feelings of anxiety and frustration, drawing the audience into the story.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the urgency and tension of the situation. The characters' brief exchanges add to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and dynamic character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted correctly for its genre, with clear descriptions of actions and dialogue that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, effectively building tension and drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of the pulley system and the physicality of the characters' actions. However, the stakes could be heightened further by emphasizing the potential consequences of the dome's failure beyond just the broken glass. For instance, what does this mean for the project timeline or the relationship between László and Harry Lee?
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While László's commands are clear, they could be infused with more urgency or frustration to reflect the high stakes of the situation. Consider adding internal thoughts or feelings to László's dialogue to convey his mounting anxiety as the situation escalates.
  • The physicality of the scene is strong, but the visual descriptions could be more vivid. For example, describing the glass dome in more detail—its size, fragility, or significance—could enhance the reader's understanding of why this moment is critical. Additionally, the imagery of the shattered glass could be used to symbolize the fragility of László's situation or his aspirations.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial setup is methodical, but the climax with the dome crashing feels rushed. Consider slowing down the moment leading up to the crash to build suspense, allowing readers to feel the tension before the inevitable failure occurs.
  • The reactions of the other characters, particularly Gordon and Attila, could be more fleshed out. Their responses to the crisis could provide insight into their personalities and relationships with László. For instance, does Gordon feel guilty for not following instructions? Does Attila show concern for László's safety? Their reactions could add layers to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more internal monologue or emotional reflection from László to convey his stress and the weight of the task at hand. This could help readers connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the dome and the setting to create a more immersive experience. Use metaphors or similes to convey the fragility of the dome and the precariousness of the situation.
  • Consider adding a moment of foreshadowing earlier in the scene that hints at the potential for disaster, such as a character expressing doubt about the setup or a previous mishap that raises the stakes.
  • Slow down the pacing leading up to the dome's crash to build suspense. Allow readers to feel the tension in the air before the moment of failure, perhaps by extending the dialogue or actions leading up to the climax.
  • Explore the dynamics between the characters more deeply. Show how their relationships influence their reactions to the crisis, which could add emotional weight to the scene and enhance character development.



Scene 16 - Confrontation in the Study
39 INT. VAN BUREN’S STUDY - DAY 39
STRAIGHT UP ON -

The men outside replace the stained-glass with a flat, clear
circular disk. The image recalls a solar eclipse.

BIRDS-EYE VIEW -

An intense spherical shaft of light illuminates the center of
the room. The bookshelves are now complete, remarkable for
their geometry. There is no furniture in the room apart from
a visually-arresting chaise lounge which LÁSZLÓ pushes into
the very midpoint of sunlight.


40 INT. VAN BUREN’S STUDY - DUSK 40
LÁSZLÓ and ATTILA pull protective linens from the painted
wall of shelves. Half the room is now filled with Van Buren’s
collection of precious tomes. Several modern lamps on
scissored extenders poke out in various directions.


41 EXT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - SAME TIME 41
GORDON picks up fragments of stained-glass from the driveway.
The massive dome frame is plunked down beside him.

After some time, the headlights of an automobile blind GORDON
from off-screen as he looks up...


42 INT. VAN BUREN’S STUDY - MOMENTS LATER 42
The esteemed and handsome, HARRISON LEE VAN BUREN SR.,
enters the room in a miserly fury. ATTILA and LÁSZLÓ stand
frozen, initially dumbfounded by the intrusion.

VAN BUREN
What’s this? What is all this? Who
has authorized you to come into my
home and tear everything apart?

ATTILA blinks.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Who the hell are you?

ATTILA
Uh... Excuse us, sir. This was all
supposed to be a surprise.
(MORE)

ATTILA (CONT'D)
Your son, Harry, told us not to
expect you until tomorrow-

VAN BUREN
(shouting)
It is a Goddamned surprise! My
mother, an ailing woman, is sitting
outside on the driveway too
frightened to come inside!

ATTILA
We are sorry to have frightened
her.

VAN BUREN
-we brought her here for some peace
and respite only to discover a
strange Negro man roaming around
our property.

ATTILA
Sir, your son asked us here to redo
your study into a library.

VAN BUREN
A library?

VAN BUREN looks around.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
The room- it’s gutted.

ATTILA
We were just putting everything
back in its place.

VAN BUREN
You’ve turned it all inside out.
How the hell do you know its proper
place?

LÁSZLÓ finally interjects...

LÁSZLÓ
We have taken excellent care of
your things, Mr. Van Buren.

VAN BUREN turns to LÁSZLÓ with a daring expression, provoked
by his calm.

VAN BUREN
And who the hell are you?

LÁSZLÓ
László Toth-

ATTILA
László is a licensed architect. He
supervised the renovation. And I-
I’ve done business with your son
before. I have a furniture shop,
Miller and Son’s, down in
Kensington.

VAN BUREN stares, fixated on LÁSZLÓ. The two have an
immediate, adversarial connection.

LÁSZLÓ
May I show you around the space,
sir? Our work lamps aren’t doing
the work we’ve done here any
justice.

VAN BUREN
Your Negro is waiting for you
outside the gates so I suggest you
pack your things up and leave. I’ll
confirm all this with my son in the
morning. My mother is sick! She
needs to be let inside to sleep.

LÁSZLÓ
We are finished. That’s quite all
right.

CUE: A low rumble overtakes the soundtrack.

CROSS DISSOLVE:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Van Buren's study, workers replace a stained-glass window with a clear disk, creating a solar eclipse effect. As László and Attila set up the room for renovations, Van Buren storms in, furious about the disruption to his ailing mother. A tense standoff ensues as he questions their authority, while László attempts to explain their intentions. The scene captures the escalating conflict and emotional tension, ending with a low rumble that hints at further turmoil.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled confrontation
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a high level of tension and conflict, driven by the confrontation between the characters. The dialogue is impactful and reveals important aspects of the characters' personalities and motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around a clash of social classes and power dynamics, as well as the theme of unauthorized actions and consequences. The scene effectively conveys these concepts through the dialogue and interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the unexpected transformation of the study into a library and the subsequent confrontation with Van Buren Sr. This plot progression drives the tension and conflict in the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of class and race relations within a wealthy estate setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. László, Attila, and Van Buren Sr. each bring their own perspectives and conflicts to the scene, creating a dynamic interaction.

Character Changes: 7

László experiences a shift in his relationship with Van Buren Sr. as he stands up to him and asserts himself. This moment marks a change in László's character, showing his strength and defiance.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove their competence and professionalism in the face of adversity. This reflects their desire for recognition and respect in their work.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to complete the renovation of the study into a library despite the unexpected confrontation with the homeowner. This reflects their immediate challenge of dealing with a difficult client.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between the characters. The confrontation between László, Attila, and Van Buren Sr. drives the conflict to a climactic moment.

Opposition: 8.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the wealthy homeowner presenting a significant obstacle to the protagonist's goals, creating a sense of uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as László and Attila face the consequences of their unauthorized actions and must navigate a tense confrontation with a powerful figure. The outcome of this confrontation could have significant repercussions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and dynamic between the characters. The confrontation with Van Buren Sr. sets the stage for future developments and challenges for the protagonists.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected confrontation between the workers and the homeowner, leading to a tense and uncertain outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between social class and racial prejudice. The wealthy homeowner's disdain for the workers, particularly the mention of the 'Negro man,' highlights the deep-seated biases and discrimination present in society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with anger, surprise, and defiance driving the interactions between the characters. The tension and conflict evoke strong emotions from both the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and revealing of the characters' emotions and intentions. It drives the tension and conflict, adding depth to the interactions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense confrontation between the characters, the high stakes involved, and the underlying social commentary on class and race.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the unfolding drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making it easy to follow and visualize the unfolding events.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic confrontation between characters, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension through the confrontation between László, Attila, and Van Buren. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the conflict. Van Buren's anger feels somewhat one-dimensional; adding layers to his character could make the confrontation more compelling.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the solar eclipse effect and the transformation of the study, is strong and creates a vivid atmosphere. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by showing how the renovation impacts László and Attila personally, rather than just focusing on Van Buren's reaction.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the dialogue exchanges. Allowing for pauses or reactions could build tension and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the situation. For instance, after Van Buren's initial outburst, a moment of silence could amplify the tension before László responds.
  • The character dynamics are intriguing, especially the adversarial connection between László and Van Buren. However, the scene could benefit from more physicality or action to complement the dialogue. For example, showing László's body language or Attila's nervousness could add depth to their characters and the situation.
  • The scene ends abruptly with a cross dissolve, which may leave the audience feeling disoriented. A more gradual transition or a closing line that encapsulates the tension could provide a stronger conclusion to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Van Buren's dialogue to reveal his motivations and fears, making him a more complex antagonist.
  • Incorporate moments of silence or reaction shots to allow the audience to feel the weight of the confrontation and the emotional stakes involved.
  • Enhance the physicality of the scene by showing the characters' body language and reactions to each other's words, which can add depth to their interactions.
  • Explore the emotional impact of the renovation on László and Attila, perhaps through a brief flashback or a line of dialogue that reflects their personal stakes in the project.
  • Revise the ending to provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene, perhaps with a line that encapsulates the tension or a visual cue that hints at the consequences of the confrontation.



Scene 17 - Fractured Trust
43 INT. FURNITURE SHOWROOM - BACKROOM - MORNING 43
LÁSZLÓ snores in a deep sleep, physically exhausted. After a
few moments, ATTILA shakes LÁSZLÓ awake.

ATTILA
Wake up.

LÁSZLÓ jolts up in fearful defense, but quickly re-gathers
himself.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
That’s a hell of a way to greet the
day.

ATTILA lights a cigarette on the edge of his cot.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
Harry Lee called.

LÁSZLÓ sits up against the wall, trying to maintain some
dignity though caught off-guard.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
He says he won’t pay.

LÁSZLÓ
For the materials?

ATTILA
(calm)
He says we damaged the property and
I’m lucky if he doesn’t take me to
court.

LÁSZLÓ doesn’t respond. ATTILA remains calm but his voice
quivers with emotion.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
You’ve got nothing to say to that?
What are you going to do about it?

ATTILA speaks for a moment in Hungarian.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
(Hungarian)
I take you into my home. Into my
place of business, László, and this
is how you thank me?

LÁSZLÓ is again silent.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
You run my clients out the door?
You make a pass at my wife? She
told me! Of course, she told me.
What did you expect?

Silence.

ATTILA (CONT'D)
Hell, what did I expect? You
couldn’t keep your hands to
yourself even when we were kids.
Listen up, I won’t tell Erzsi this
time. I know you’ve been through a
lot. That’s what I told Audrey,
too. I’m not going to hurt you, but
I can’t help you anymore either,
got it?

LÁSZLÓ breathes, defiant.

FADE TO BLACK.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense morning confrontation in the backroom of a furniture showroom, Attila wakes László to discuss the fallout from László's irresponsible actions, including a client's refusal to pay and personal betrayals. Attila expresses his frustration and disappointment, ultimately declaring that he can no longer support László. László remains silent and defiant, leading to a strained relationship as the scene fades to black.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Powerful character dynamics
  • Tense dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, effectively building tension and emotion through the dialogue and character interactions. The confrontation between LÁSZLÓ and ATTILA is impactful and adds depth to their relationship, making it a pivotal moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of betrayal and confrontation is effectively explored in the scene, adding depth to the characters and advancing the overall narrative. The scene's focus on emotional turmoil and strained relationships resonates with the overarching themes of the screenplay.

Plot: 8

The scene contributes significantly to the plot by revealing the complex dynamics between LÁSZLÓ and ATTILA, setting up future conflicts and character development. It adds layers to the story and propels the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through its nuanced exploration of complex relationships, authentic character motivations, and emotionally charged dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves deep into the characters of LÁSZLÓ and ATTILA, showcasing their vulnerabilities, resentments, and conflicting emotions. Their interactions are rich in complexity, adding depth to their personalities and setting the stage for further character development.

Character Changes: 8

The scene marks a significant shift in the relationship between LÁSZLÓ and ATTILA, revealing new layers to their characters and setting the stage for further development. The confrontation prompts introspection and growth, leading to potential changes in their dynamic.

Internal Goal: 8

LÁSZLÓ's internal goal in this scene is to confront his past actions and come to terms with the consequences of his behavior. It reflects his deeper need for redemption and acceptance.

External Goal: 7.5

LÁSZLÓ's external goal is to navigate the conflict with ATTILA and find a way to resolve the situation with Harry Lee. It reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in maintaining his reputation and relationships.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and palpable, driving the emotional tension between LÁSZLÓ and ATTILA to a breaking point. The confrontation is charged with unresolved issues and deep-seated resentments, heightening the stakes for both characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, emotional stakes, and unresolved conflicts that create uncertainty and tension for the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the confrontation between LÁSZLÓ and ATTILA threatens to unravel their relationship and impact their future interactions. The outcome of their conflict could have significant consequences for both characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between LÁSZLÓ and ATTILA, setting up future plot developments and character arcs. It introduces new tensions and challenges, propelling the narrative towards its next phase.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, emotional revelations, and unexpected turns in the characters' interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around loyalty, trust, and forgiveness. ATTILA's sense of betrayal clashes with LÁSZLÓ's struggle for understanding and forgiveness, challenging their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking strong feelings of tension, betrayal, and resentment. The raw emotions displayed by the characters resonate with the audience, creating a powerful and memorable moment in the story.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, tense, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the characters' inner turmoil and conflicting emotions. The exchanges between LÁSZLÓ and ATTILA drive the scene's intensity and reveal key aspects of their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, realistic character dynamics, and high stakes that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing the emotional beats and character dynamics to unfold naturally and keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that enhance the narrative flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through character interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between László and Attila, showcasing the emotional stakes involved in their relationship. Attila's calm demeanor juxtaposed with his underlying frustration creates a compelling dynamic that draws the audience in.
  • The dialogue is realistic and reflects the characters' history, particularly the references to past behavior and the impact of László's actions on Attila's life. However, some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact, especially in Attila's monologue, which feels slightly repetitive.
  • The use of Hungarian adds authenticity to the characters' backgrounds, but it may alienate some viewers who do not understand the language. Consider providing context or a translation to ensure the audience remains engaged.
  • The emotional weight of the scene is palpable, particularly in Attila's confrontation about László's behavior. However, László's silence throughout the scene could be interpreted as a lack of agency. It might be beneficial to include a moment where he expresses his feelings or regrets, even if it's just a brief acknowledgment.
  • The ending with 'FADE TO BLACK' is effective in creating a sense of unresolved tension, but it might benefit from a more explicit emotional cue or visual element that reinforces László's internal struggle.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening Attila's dialogue to eliminate any redundancy and enhance the emotional impact. Focus on the most poignant lines that convey his frustration and disappointment.
  • If using Hungarian dialogue, consider adding subtitles or a brief translation to maintain audience engagement and understanding.
  • Introduce a moment where László reacts emotionally to Attila's accusations, even if it's subtle. This could add depth to his character and provide insight into his internal conflict.
  • Explore the possibility of adding a visual cue or sound that reflects László's emotional state as the scene ends, enhancing the impact of the fade to black.
  • Ensure that the stakes are clear for both characters. Perhaps include a line that hints at the consequences of László's actions beyond just the immediate conflict with Harry Lee, which could heighten the tension.



Scene 18 - Morning Struggles
44 EXT. OLD CITY CHURCH - MORNING 44
Winter has come again. The bell tolls. HOLD, HOLD...

LÁSZLÓ (V.O.)
(in HUNGARIAN)
ERZSÉBET,
I CAN BE REACHED BY MAIL AT A NEW
ADDRESS... I WAIT FOR YOU. I WAIT
AND WAIT. DO YOU NEED MONEY? WHAT
DO YOU NEED?
YOURS, LÁSZLÓ.


45 INT. OLD CITY CHURCH - SAME 45
HOMELESS MEN sweep the floor of the shelter.

46 INT. OLD CITY CHURCH BASEMENT - SAME 46
The muffled ring of the bell... Homeless families in bunks
begin to rise from their beds.

ANGLE ON -

LÁSZLÓ wakes in a bunk clutching a duffle bag that contains
his few possessions. His beard has grown out.

ANGLE ON -

GORDON and his son sleep through the ruckus in the bunk
across from LÁSZLÓ.

LÁSZLÓ
Gordon-

GORDON stirs awake.


47 INT. OLD CITY CHURCH BASEMENT - MOMENTS LATER 47
GORDON is now dressed in functional garments for the day’s
work. He gently tries to wake his little boy who wants to
sleep some more.

GORDON
(whispers)
We got to go. I let you sleep in.
Time to get up.

A NUN approaches GORDON.

NUN
Has Mr. Toth already gone? I’d like
a word.


48 INT. OLD CITY CHURCH BASEMENT LAVATORIES - MOMENTS LATER 48
STEADICAM ON -

GORDON moves down the hallway and shoulders open the bathroom
door.

GORDON
László!

The door opens to reveal LÁSZLÓ fiddling to stuff a syringe
and some barbiturate powder back in its pouch.

LÁSZLÓ
It’s for my injury.

GORDON blinks.

GORDON
Sister Elizabeth is asking for you.

LÁSZLÓ
I will be right there.

GORDON nods to the junk.

GORDON
Do me a favor and hold off on that
until we punch out.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a cold winter morning at an old city church, László, a homeless man battling addiction, wakes up in a shelter while expressing his longing for Erzsébet through a voiceover. As families begin their day, Gordon, a father, gently wakes his reluctant son and later confronts László in the lavatories, where he finds him hiding drug paraphernalia. Despite László's defiance, Gordon advises him to postpone his drug use until after work, highlighting the tension between personal choices and communal responsibilities amidst the somber realities of homelessness.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Realistic portrayal of addiction and homelessness
Weaknesses
  • Potential for clichés in addiction narrative
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the emotional weight of the characters' situations, creating a somber and introspective atmosphere. The tension between László and Gordon adds depth to the narrative, while the themes of loss and desperation are palpable throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring themes of addiction, homelessness, and personal struggle is well-realized in the scene. The focus on László's inner conflict and Gordon's attempts to help him adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the characters' interactions and the revelation of their struggles. The conflict between László and Gordon adds tension and propels the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on homelessness and drug use, portraying the characters with authenticity and depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with László's desperation and Gordon's compassion shining through. Their dynamic adds layers to the narrative and engages the audience in their personal journeys.

Character Changes: 8

Both László and Gordon undergo subtle changes in the scene, with László showing a glimmer of hope and Gordon displaying compassion and understanding. Their interactions hint at potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal is to maintain his connection with Erzsébet, as seen through his letter and his willingness to wait for her. This reflects his deeper need for companionship and support.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to navigate his current living situation in the church shelter and potentially address his injury with the syringe and barbiturate powder. This reflects the immediate challenges he faces as a homeless individual.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between László and Gordon, as well as the characters' internal struggles, creates a tense and engaging atmosphere in the scene. The emotional conflict adds depth to the narrative and drives the character development.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with conflicts arising from László's actions and Gordon's attempts to intervene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for László and Gordon, as they grapple with addiction, homelessness, and personal demons. The scene highlights the challenges they face and the potential consequences of their actions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters' struggles and relationships. It sets the stage for further exploration of addiction, homelessness, and personal growth.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of László's actions and the potential consequences of his drug use, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between seeking comfort through drugs and facing the reality of the situation. This challenges László's beliefs about coping mechanisms and self-care.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, empathy, and reflection in the audience. The characters' struggles resonate on a deep level, drawing the viewer into their world.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and struggles, adding depth to their interactions. The exchanges between László and Gordon reveal their inner turmoil and the challenges they face.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, character dynamics, and the unfolding mystery of László's situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment with László and Gordon.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making it easy to follow for readers and production teams.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic setting, with clear character introductions and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a somber tone, reflecting László's struggles and the harsh realities of his environment. The use of voiceover in Hungarian adds authenticity and emotional depth, but it may alienate some viewers who do not understand the language. Consider providing subtitles to ensure accessibility.
  • The transition between the church's exterior and interior is smooth, but the scene could benefit from more vivid descriptions of the setting to enhance the atmosphere. For instance, detailing the coldness of winter or the sounds of the church could immerse the audience further into László's world.
  • The introduction of Gordon and his son adds a layer of community and shared hardship, but their characterization feels somewhat underdeveloped. More dialogue or interaction between them and László could strengthen their relationships and provide insight into their individual struggles.
  • László's actions in the lavatories reveal his desperation, but the scene could heighten the tension by showing more of his internal conflict. Instead of simply stating 'It’s for my injury,' consider having him reflect on his choices or express guilt about his situation, which would deepen the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks subtext. For example, when Gordon tells László to hold off on using drugs until after work, it could be an opportunity to explore their friendship and the unspoken concerns Gordon has about László's well-being. Adding layers to their conversation could enhance character development.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding subtitles for László's voiceover to make it accessible to all viewers.
  • Enhance the setting description to create a more immersive atmosphere, focusing on sensory details like temperature, sounds, and visual elements.
  • Develop the characters of Gordon and his son further by incorporating more dialogue or interactions that reveal their personalities and struggles.
  • Deepen László's internal conflict by having him express more about his feelings regarding his drug use and its impact on his life.
  • Infuse the dialogue with subtext to reveal deeper emotions and relationships, particularly between László and Gordon, to enrich character dynamics.



Scene 19 - Dignity on the Beam
49 EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - MORNING 49
On a second-story high beam, LÁSZLÓ spots GORDON, pulling his
safety leash taut as GORDON leans to wrench several bolts
below frame. GORDON laughs wildly...

LÁSZLÓ
She asked me for my- participation.

GORDON
Like what? They want you to help
out-

LÁSZLÓ
I already help- out. She wants me
to attend the service on Sundays;
collect donations.

GORDON looks back at him, takes a break.

GORDON
And what did you say to her?

LÁSZLÓ
I said that I would think about it.

GORDON
That seems fair, no?

LÁSZLÓ shrugs.

LÁSZLÓ
I go to- somewhere else.

GORDON leans down again.

GORDON
Why not ask for a place to stay
wherever it is that you do go!?

LÁSZLÓ
I do not permit my people from home
to see me as a beggar. Never.

GORDON playfully sings, in retort.


GORDON
(sings)
A rose must remain with the sun and
the rain Or its lovely promise
won't come true
To Each His Own, To Each His Own
And my own is you-

CUE: To Each His Own by Eddy Howard overtakes the soundtrack.

LÁSZLÓ laughs.

GORDON (CONT'D)
Give me a few inches.

LÁSZLÓ cautiously releases six inches of rope. As he does, he
notices an conspicuous black Cadillac Towncar approaching the
yard.


50 EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - MOMENTS LATER 50
LÁSZLÓ shovels aggregate into a cement mixer. GORDON enters
from off-screen.

GORDON
(casual)
There’s a son of a bitch here to
see you.

LÁSZLÓ furrows his brow and looks beyond GORDON to see
HARRISON VAN BUREN SR. on approach from some distance.

VAN BUREN
László Toth! Is that you?!

VAN BUREN appears overjoyed, ecstatic. LÁSZLÓ courteously
stands to receive him, stoic.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I’ve been looking for you!

LÁSZLÓ shares a dubious glance with GORDON.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
No wonder you couldn’t be found!
You’ve grown a beard!

LÁSZLÓ blinks.

LÁSZLÓ
What can I do for you, sir?

VAN BUREN catches his breath in the cold.

VAN BUREN
I’d like to take you for lunch.

LÁSZLÓ
We don’t break for another 2 hours.

VAN BUREN
Point out your manager. Let me
educate him.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary At a construction site, LÁSZLÓ shares his reluctance to participate in Sunday services and collect donations, valuing his dignity over seeking help. GORDON lightens the mood with playful banter, encouraging LÁSZLÓ to consider asking for assistance. Their conversation is interrupted by HARRISON VAN BUREN SR., who excitedly invites LÁSZLÓ to lunch, but LÁSZLÓ declines due to work obligations. The scene captures LÁSZLÓ's internal struggle with accepting help while maintaining his pride.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Unexpected plot development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly casual given the context of the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines tension, confrontation, and casual banter to create a dynamic interaction. The unexpected encounter with HARRISON VAN BUREN SR. adds depth to the storyline and keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the unexpected encounter at the construction site adds an element of surprise and intrigue to the scene. It effectively introduces conflict and sets up future developments in the storyline.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the unexpected encounter with HARRISON VAN BUREN SR. and the tension it creates between the characters. It moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for LÁSZLÓ.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of pride and independence, with nuanced character interactions and conflicts that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of LÁSZLÓ, GORDON, and HARRISON VAN BUREN SR. are well-developed in the scene, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions drive the conflict and add depth to the storyline.

Character Changes: 7

LÁSZLÓ experiences a subtle shift in his demeanor and priorities during the scene, as he navigates the unexpected encounter with HARRISON VAN BUREN SR. His decision to remain stoic and courteous despite the tension showcases a change in his approach to conflict.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his pride and dignity, not wanting to be seen as a beggar or dependent on others for help.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the unexpected visit from Harrison Van Buren Sr. and handle the situation with grace and composure.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between LÁSZLÓ and HARRISON VAN BUREN SR. The confrontation and unexpected lunch invitation add layers of conflict to the storyline.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the unexpected visit from Harrison Van Buren Sr. challenging the protagonist's sense of pride and independence.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as LÁSZLÓ faces the consequences of his past actions and must navigate a tense encounter with HARRISON VAN BUREN SR. The unexpected lunch invitation raises the stakes for LÁSZLÓ's future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict with HARRISON VAN BUREN SR. and setting up future developments in the plot. The unexpected lunch invitation adds intrigue and raises the stakes for LÁSZLÓ.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected visit from Harrison Van Buren Sr. and the protagonist's conflicted emotions and decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's sense of pride and independence conflicting with the offer of help and support from Harrison Van Buren Sr.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of tension, doubt, and joy interspersed throughout. The unexpected encounter and confrontational dialogue evoke emotional responses from the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, casual banter, and confrontation between the characters. It adds depth to their interactions and reveals their personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, conflicting goals, and unexpected visit from Harrison Van Buren Sr.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and action, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The dialogue between László and Gordon feels natural and captures their camaraderie, but it could benefit from more subtext. László's reluctance to participate in the church service hints at deeper issues regarding his identity and pride, which could be explored further through more nuanced dialogue or internal monologue.
  • The introduction of Harrison Van Buren Sr. is abrupt and lacks buildup. While his arrival is meant to create a shift in the scene, it feels somewhat disconnected from the previous conversation. A more gradual transition or a hint of his impending arrival could enhance the flow.
  • The use of the song 'To Each His Own' is a nice touch, but it could be better integrated into the scene. Instead of simply playing in the background, consider having the characters react to it or use it to underscore their emotions, making it feel more relevant to their conversation.
  • László's character is established as proud and resistant to asking for help, but this could be emphasized more through his actions and expressions. Showing him physically struggle with the idea of accepting help or donations could add depth to his character.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional arc. While there are moments of humor and camaraderie, the stakes feel low. Consider introducing a sense of urgency or conflict that propels the characters forward, making their interactions feel more consequential.
Suggestions
  • Add more subtext to the dialogue between László and Gordon, allowing their conversation to reveal more about their backgrounds and the emotional weight of their circumstances.
  • Introduce Harrison Van Buren Sr. earlier in the scene or provide a hint of his arrival to create a smoother transition and build anticipation for his entrance.
  • Integrate the song 'To Each His Own' more meaningfully into the scene, perhaps by having László or Gordon comment on its lyrics or relate it to their current situation.
  • Show László's internal struggle with pride and the idea of accepting help through physical actions or expressions, enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.
  • Introduce a conflict or higher stakes that can drive the scene forward, making the interactions between characters feel more impactful and urgent.



Scene 20 - Reconciliation at the Diner
51 INT. DINER - AFTERNOON 51
A waitress pours coffee for the two of them and exits. VAN
BUREN pulls out an edition of LOOK Magazine placing it in
front of LÁSZLÓ.

VAN BUREN
Have you seen that?

LÁSZLÓ squints, shakes his head.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Well, I can assure you that
everyone else has... Flip to page
19.

LÁSZLÓ handles the magazine like a foreign object.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Where did you study?

LÁSZLÓ
(mutters)
Bauhaus in Dessau.

VAN BUREN
Bauhaus! How marvelous.

ULTRA-CLOSE ON -

A two-page spread on “HARRISON LEE VAN BUREN - THE FORWARD-
THINKER.”

The large black and white photograph depicts VAN BUREN seated
in LÁSZLÓ’s chaise lounge illuminated by the spherical window
above him.

A second smaller image depicts VAN BUREN standing against the
unusual, conceptual shelving units; books fan out around him.

VAN BUREN (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Read the caption below the
photographs.

The caption reads: “Here, Mr. Van Buren is pictured in his
striking, modern at-home-library; entirely suitable for the
forward-thinking man.”

CAMERA PANS TO NEXT BLOCK OF TEXT -

“He established the Van Buren Shipyards, which built Liberty
ships during World War II, after which he formed Van Buren
Aluminum and Van Buren Steel.

Van Buren is involved in various large-scale construction
projects such as civic centers and dams, and is invested in
real estate around the globe.”

BACK TO -

VAN BUREN who sips his coffee.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
So, what do you think?

LÁSZLÓ
Looks good.

VAN BUREN
Damn right, it does! Why didn’t you
defend yourself when I came after
you all like a bat out of hell? I
am ashamed of my behavior! I called
that American cousin of yours-

Corrects him.

LÁSZLÓ
Attila.

VAN BUREN
Yes, that’s right. First, I
apologized then lauded him with
praise, however, he quite honorably
redirected me to you!

VAN BUREN wags a finger at LÁSZLÓ.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I’ve since done my homework...

VAN BUREN pulls out an open folder and places it in front of
LÁSZLÓ.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
These are yours, yes?

LÁSZLÓ leafs through the images in the folder and nods.

LÁSZLÓ
Yes.

VAN BUREN
All of them?

LÁSZLÓ
Yes.

LÁSZLÓ begins to tear up, emotional.

VAN BUREN
I’m sorry, have I upset you?

LÁSZLÓ
No. May I keep these?

VAN BUREN
Of course you may.

LÁSZLÓ
I didn’t realize these images were
still available, much less of any
consequence...

VAN BUREN
They are very artistic.

LÁSZLÓ
Better in the real life.

VAN BUREN
You could have elaborated a bit
more on your background! You didn’t
do yourself any favors back there.

LÁSZLÓ
It was difficult to interject
amidst all the shouting-

VAN BUREN smiles.

VAN BUREN
I am ashamed. Really, I am. I acted
a fool. My mother was dying - and
it’s not an excuse - but she died
that very weekend at the house.

LÁSZLÓ
I am sorry to hear-

VAN BUREN
Tell me - why is an accomplished
foreign architect working
construction in Philadelphia of all
places? What is that you’re working
on anyway? A bowling alley?!

LÁSZLÓ chooses his words carefully.

LÁSZLÓ
The Reich- rejected myself and my
colleagues for our type of work for
it was deemed not Germanic in-
character.

LÁSZLÓ exhales, gravely.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
I don’t wish to be rude but I only
have time for the coffee. You were
unprepared for what you saw. That
is understandable. I am glad you’ve
come to appreciate it.

VAN BUREN
I don’t just appreciate it Mr.
Toth; I cherish it.

VAN BUREN ignores LÁSZLÓ’s wish to leave.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
(waxes)
I hate surprises. My fatheaded son
should have known better, but
listen, I haven’t come here to
boast or to grieve, I’ve come to
pay you the monies you are owed.

VAN BUREN hands him an envelope for dramatic effect.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
For what it’s worth, it was not my
suggestion that you and partners
should not be paid. I only found
out about all that after the fact.

LÁSZLÓ
We damaged some guttering which we
planned to replace. There was a
misunderstanding.

VAN BUREN
Enough of that. Take the money.

LÁSZLÓ
(nods)
Thank you.

VAN BUREN
I’d stash that in your
undergarments or inside of a shoe.

LÁSZLÓ takes the envelope and starts to slide out of the
booth but VAN BUREN takes his hand.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I’d like you to come and see it...
In the daylight.

LÁSZLÓ
I’ve seen it.

VAN BUREN
I’d like you to come and enjoy it,
rather.

LÁSZLÓ
All right.

VAN BUREN
Wonderful. I can send a car for you
on Sunday morning if you aren’t too
busy. Write me down your address?

LÁSZLÓ writes it down.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I’ve found our conversation
persuasive and intellectually
stimulating.

LÁSZLÓ looks at him, incredulous.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a diner, Van Buren presents László with a magazine featuring an article about his artistic achievements, prompting an emotional response from László. They discuss past conflicts, including Van Buren's previous aggressive behavior and László's struggles with rejection from the Reich. After an apology and a heartfelt conversation, László accepts the money owed to him and agrees to visit Van Buren's project, signaling a new beginning in their relationship.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Pacing could be slightly improved
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on character development and emotional depth. The dialogue is engaging and reveals layers of the characters' personalities. The interaction between László and Van Buren is compelling and thought-provoking.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around exploring the complexities of human relationships, communication, and reconciliation. It effectively conveys themes of forgiveness, redemption, and the power of understanding.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the resolution of conflict and the development of the relationship between László and Van Buren. It moves the story forward by addressing past misunderstandings and setting the stage for future interactions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the themes of art, architecture, and personal integrity, with authentic dialogue and emotional depth that sets it apart from typical diner scenes.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of László and Van Buren are well-developed and engaging. Their interactions reveal depth, emotion, and growth, adding complexity to the narrative. The scene effectively showcases their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Both László and Van Buren undergo emotional changes in the scene, moving from initial tension and misunderstanding to a moment of mutual understanding and appreciation. Their interactions lead to personal growth and reflection.

Internal Goal: 8

LÁSZLÓ's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and dignity in the face of Van Buren's condescension and attempts to belittle him. This reflects LÁSZLÓ's desire to be respected for his talents and accomplishments.

External Goal: 7

LÁSZLÓ's external goal in this scene is to receive the money he is owed for his work, despite Van Buren's attempts to dismiss the issue. This reflects LÁSZLÓ's need for financial stability and recognition of his professional worth.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' emotional struggles and past misunderstandings. It drives the narrative forward and adds depth to the interaction between László and Van Buren.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Van Buren's attempts to dismiss LÁSZLÓ's work and belittle him creating a compelling conflict that drives the interaction.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on the characters' personal growth, understanding, and relationships. The outcome of their interaction has the potential to impact future events and dynamics.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by resolving past conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting the stage for future developments. It adds depth and complexity to the narrative, driving the plot towards new possibilities.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters and the unexpected emotional revelations that drive the conversation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Van Buren's superficial appreciation of art and architecture as status symbols, and LÁSZLÓ's deeper understanding and emotional connection to his work. This challenges Van Buren's materialistic values and LÁSZLÓ's integrity as an artist.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of empathy, reflection, and understanding. The vulnerable moments shared between László and Van Buren resonate with the audience and create a sense of connection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is rich, meaningful, and reflective of the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. It drives the interaction between László and Van Buren, adding depth and authenticity to their exchange.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interaction between the characters, the tension between their conflicting goals, and the emotional depth of their conversation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity through the characters' dialogue and actions, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dialogue-driven interaction between characters, with clear beats and character development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of reconciliation between László and Van Buren, showcasing character development and emotional depth. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when Van Buren lists László's achievements. This could be streamlined to maintain a more natural flow.
  • László's emotional response to seeing his work acknowledged is a strong moment, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his internal struggle or flashbacks to his past experiences. This would deepen the audience's connection to his character and the weight of the moment.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, particularly with Van Buren's lengthy monologues. While they provide context, they can detract from the emotional impact of László's reactions. Balancing dialogue with more visual storytelling or internal monologue could improve the scene's rhythm.
  • The use of the magazine as a prop is a clever device to illustrate Van Buren's status and László's past, but it could be more integrated into the dialogue. For instance, László could have a more visceral reaction to the images, perhaps recalling specific memories associated with his work, which would add layers to the scene.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat abrupt note with László's incredulous look at Van Buren. While this can be interpreted as a moment of surprise or disbelief, it might benefit from a more definitive emotional beat or a line that encapsulates László's feelings about the conversation.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to reduce exposition and allow for more subtext. This can be achieved by having characters imply rather than state their thoughts directly.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as László's body language or facial expressions, to convey his emotional state without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Add a moment of reflection for László after he sees the magazine, perhaps a brief flashback or a line that connects his past to his present, enhancing the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Explore the dynamics of power and vulnerability in the conversation. Allow László to assert himself more, perhaps by challenging Van Buren's assumptions or expressing his frustrations more openly.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive emotional statement or action from László that encapsulates his journey and sets the stage for future interactions with Van Buren.



Scene 21 - A Night of Recklessness
52 INT. JAZZ BAR - NIGHT 52
ULTRA-BOWED LENS ON-

GORDON and LÁSZLÓ cheer on a raucous set. Their features are
wild and exaggerated like a George Grosz drawing.


53 INT. JAZZ BAR BATHROOM - LATER 53
SFX: Someone pounds on the door outside.

BIRD’S-EYE VIEW ON -

LÁSZLÓ and GORDON prep a spoon and dropper.

LÁSZLÓ
(shouts)
-going to be some minutes!

LÁSZLÓ, already very intoxicated...

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Have we been in here long?

GORDON
They can wait...

GORDON puts a leather pouch in his mouth and lets it unroll
to his chest.

GORDON (CONT'D)
(through gritted teeth)
Pull that out.

LÁSZLÓ pulls out an antiquated looking syringe.

LÁSZLÓ
Jesus, Gordon.

The coconspirators laugh, having a great time. GORDON spits
the pouch from his mouth and LÁSZLÓ extends the spoon to
GORDON.


54 INT. JAZZ BAR - LATER 54
CUE: The live music plays in ultra slow-motion.

LONG LENS ON -

The two of them are now accompanied by some attractive
looking strangers. A woman kisses at LÁSZLÓ’s neck but he
tries to focus on the music.

WE PAN DOWN to see GORDON blatantly fingering his new
girlfriend who sits on a bar stool.

BAR MANAGER (O.S.)
(shouting)
HEY! HEY! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!

LÁSZLÓ and GORDON are slow to respond.

BAR MANAGER (CONT'D)
(shouting)
Get the hell out or I’ll beat the
shit out of you two.

LÁSZLÓ comically vomits on himself where he stands.

BAR MANAGER (CONT'D)
OH, HOLY HELL. I’m gonna kill that
son of a bitch!


55 EXT. JAZZ BAR - MOMENTS LATER 55
The BAR MANAGER and a bouncer beat the hell out of LÁSZLÓ who
laughs madly. STEAM RISES from the sewer grates.

ANGLE ON -

The crack of LÁSZLÓ’s nose re-breaking.

LÁSZLÓ
My nose! Damn it.


56 EXT. OLD CITY CHURCH - MORNING 56
LÁSZLÓ exits, his face battered and nose swollen. He lights a
cigarette then after a beat, notices VAN BUREN’s Town Car
parked on the corner with the motor running.


57 INT. AUTOMOBILE - LATER 57
CLOSE ON -

LÁSZLÓ sits in the backseat of the Towncar taking in the
fresh country air through an open window. He tries to pull
himself together.

DRIVER (O.S.)
There’s a pressed shirt and jacket
hanging to your left, Mr. Toth.


58 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE DINING ROOM - LATER 58
A Christmas party is in full-swing. LÁSZLÓ is shown into a
dining area where a group of thirty aristocrats have gathered
for pre-luncheon cocktails by one end of the table.

VAN BUREN
Ah! There you are! The man of the
hour!

LÁSZLÓ’s smashed face peers out of an oversized penguin suit.
VAN BUREN approaches him, concerned.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
(hushed)
What’s happened to your face?

LÁSZLÓ
Fell off a beam.

VAN BUREN’s son, HARRY LEE, comes up behind his father.

HARRY LEE
Everyone’s famished.

VAN BUREN
Harry, you remember each other,
don’t you?

HARRY LEE
I do, yes. Good afternoon.

LÁSZLÓ nods. HARRY LEE’s sister, MAGGIE LEE, comes up behind
her brother.

MAGGIE LEE
Daddy, the kitchen’s asking if we
could please go ahead and take our
seats.

VAN BUREN
This is Harry’s twin sister,
Maggie.

MAGGIE LEE
Hello, Mr. Toth. We love the
library.

LÁSZLÓ
Thank you.

VAN BUREN
(to the crowd)
All right, everyone, let’s eat.
Genres: ["Drama","Character Study"]

Summary In a chaotic jazz bar, LÁSZLÓ and GORDON indulge in reckless behavior, preparing to use drugs while ignoring the bar manager's warnings. The night escalates as LÁSZLÓ comically vomits on himself and is subsequently assaulted by the bar manager and a bouncer. Despite his injuries, LÁSZLÓ finds humor in the situation. The scene shifts to the next morning, where he exits a church and is driven to a Christmas party at the Van Buren estate, greeted by concerned family members despite his disheveled appearance.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional depth
  • Complex character development
  • Compelling narrative progression
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Chaotic pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the intense emotions and chaotic nature of the characters' actions, providing a compelling and impactful narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring addiction, self-destruction, and societal expectations is well-developed and adds depth to the characters' arcs.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and impactful, driving the narrative forward while exploring the characters' struggles and conflicts.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces unique characters and settings, blending elements of chaos and sophistication. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters' interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and well-developed, with their inner turmoil and external conflicts driving the emotional intensity of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional and psychological changes, particularly in their realization of their destructive behaviors.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain composure and navigate social interactions despite his battered face and intoxicated state. This reflects his desire to fit in and make a good impression in high society.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to attend the Christmas party at the aristocrat's estate and navigate the social dynamics and expectations of the event.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the emotional intensity and narrative progression.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from the bar manager, social expectations, and his own internal struggles. The audience is kept on edge as they wonder how he will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters face the consequences of their actions, leading to potential life-changing outcomes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by deepening the characters' arcs and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected events and character interactions, such as the protagonist's confrontation with the bar manager and his entrance into the aristocrat's estate.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's struggle to reconcile his rough background and current circumstances with the refined world of the aristocrats. This challenges his beliefs about social class and acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions and empathy for the characters, drawing the audience into their struggles and conflicts.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and conflicts, adding depth to their interactions and inner thoughts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic characters, contrasting settings, and escalating conflicts. The tension and humor keep the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment at the aristocrat's estate. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional impact of the protagonist's experiences.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, transitioning smoothly between different locations and events. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic and reckless atmosphere of a jazz bar, showcasing László and Gordon's intoxicated state and their disregard for consequences. However, the transition from the bathroom to the bar could be smoother; the abrupt shift in focus from drug use to the bar's chaos feels disjointed. Consider adding a brief moment that connects the two settings more fluidly.
  • The use of humor in László's comical vomiting adds a layer of absurdity to the scene, but it risks undermining the gravity of his situation. While dark humor can be effective, ensure that it doesn't detract from the emotional weight of László's struggles. Balancing humor with the seriousness of addiction and its consequences is crucial.
  • The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying the characters' state of mind. However, more interaction between László and Gordon in the bathroom could enhance their camaraderie and provide insight into their motivations for using drugs. This would also deepen the audience's understanding of their friendship and the escapism they seek.
  • The physical altercation with the bar manager and bouncer is visually striking, but it may benefit from more buildup. The scene could explore the tension leading up to the confrontation, perhaps through the reactions of other patrons or a moment of hesitation from László and Gordon before they are confronted. This would heighten the stakes and make the eventual violence feel more impactful.
  • The transition to the next morning is abrupt, and while it serves to show the consequences of László's actions, it could be more gradual. Consider incorporating a moment of reflection or a visual cue that highlights László's physical and emotional state as he leaves the bar, reinforcing the toll of his choices.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief moment of reflection for László and Gordon in the bathroom that highlights their motivations for using drugs, deepening their characters and friendship.
  • Consider incorporating more buildup to the confrontation with the bar manager, perhaps through the reactions of other patrons or a moment of hesitation from László and Gordon.
  • Ensure that the humor in the scene does not undermine the emotional weight of László's struggles with addiction; balance the absurdity with moments of seriousness.
  • Smooth the transition between the bathroom and the bar by adding a visual or narrative cue that connects the two settings more fluidly.
  • Gradually transition to the next morning, incorporating a moment of reflection or visual cues that highlight László's physical and emotional state as he exits the bar.



Scene 22 - A Dinner of Hope and Struggles
59 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE DINING ROOM - LATER 59
LÁSZLÓ, who looks a mess, sits in a corner chair between a
middle-aged couple, MICHAEL and MICHELLE HOFFMAN, and VAN
BUREN who now sits at the head of the table. VAN BUREN
brags...

VAN BUREN
He won’t tout his own
accomplishments but Mr. Toth’s work
is celebrated throughout much of
Western and Central Europe. There
have been many features about him
in the architecture journals if you
follow that sort of thing.

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
What was your focus?

LÁSZLÓ eats somewhat ravenously.

LÁSZLÓ
Theaters, synagogues- Restorations.
Some, quite unusual.

MICHELLE HOFFMAN
Are you married, Mr. Toth?

LÁSZLÓ stops eating. It pains him to speak of it.

LÁSZLÓ
Yes, but my wife, she- she is still
in Europe.

MICHELLE HOFFMAN
Why is that?

LÁSZLÓ
We were separated. Forcibly.

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
Where is it you come from, if you
don’t mind my asking? I can’t place
the accent.

LÁSZLÓ
The city of Budapest.

MICHAEL asides, explaining to his wife...

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
Ravaged during the war- just
terrible.

MICHELLE HOFFMAN
Oh my, what was it like, the war?
We hear some stories here that make
one’s toes curl.

LÁSZLÓ
I would not know where to begin,
Mrs. Hoffman.

MICHELLE HOFFMAN
Do you plan on returning to Europe?

LÁSZLÓ
She tries to come now, here, to
join me- but the situation is
difficult.

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
With Roosevelt gone now that should
make things easier.

LÁSZLÓ
He is gone, but everyone is still
frightened that people like me are
a threat to your national defense-

MICHELLE HOFFMAN
When you say ‘people,’ you mean
Jews? We’re Jewish.

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
(explains dryly)
Michelle converted.

LÁSZLÓ asides...

LÁSZLÓ
As did my Erzsébet. It required a
great deal of commitment and study,
and yet, few at home recognized her
for it.

LÁSZLÓ japes.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
A pity the National Socialists
couldn’t see it their way.

LÁSZLÓ shrugs off the trauma, as he returns to the track of
their dinner conversation.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
But not only Jewish. Foreign
people. I was fortunate to depart
from Bremerhaven when I did.
Truman’s order facilitated the
transfer of my group. Others were
not so lucky.

VAN BUREN finally joins in the conversation.

VAN BUREN
That sounds very painful, László.
We are terribly sorry for you.
Michael is my friend and attorney-
in that order.

He turns to MICHAEL.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Michael, is this a process your
firm might help to expedite?

MICHAEL turns to LÁSZLÓ.

LÁSZLÓ
I’m afraid that it’s not so simple.
My wife cannot leave my niece
behind because she is young,
motherless, and very sick.

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
It’s just the two of them? I’d be
glad to make an inquiry on your
behalf. You know, there’s something
called The Displaced Persons Act
that’s recently gone into effect.
It will allow some 200,000 European
persons admission for permanent
residence. You can read about it in
the paper now.

VAN BUREN
He won’t boast but Michael’s firm
represents the office of the Vice
President.

LÁSZLÓ
-president?

VAN BUREN
Of the United States!

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
Come see me in our Philadelphia
office on Monday.

MICHAEL reaches into his pocket and hands LÁSZLÓ a business
card.

MICHAEL HOFFMAN (CONT'D)
Telephone this line, and my
assistant can arrange. She’ll tell
you what we’ll need you both to
provide.

MICHELLE places her hand on LÁSZLÓ’s.

MICHELLE HOFFMAN
Michael can help you.

MICHAEL nods, empathetic.

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
(Hebrew)
Bevakasha.

A SERVER pours wine in VAN BUREN’s glass.

VAN BUREN
(to SERVER)
We’ll take coffee in the study.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In the Van Buren estate dining room, disheveled architect László shares his painful past and current struggles with his wife’s immigration. Van Buren praises László's work, leading to a discussion about his life in Budapest and the challenges faced by displaced persons. Michael Hoffman offers to help expedite László's wife's immigration through his legal connections, fostering a sense of empathy and support from the Hoffmans. The scene concludes with a transition to coffee in the study, leaving a somber yet hopeful atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Informative dialogue
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some exposition-heavy dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines emotional depth with informative elements, providing insight into László's character and setting up potential resolutions to his personal struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around exploring László's past trauma, his current challenges, and the potential for a brighter future through new connections and opportunities.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, as László's past and present struggles are revealed, new opportunities are introduced, and potential resolutions are hinted at, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on immigration issues and personal trauma, with authentic dialogue and character interactions that feel true to the time period and setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially László, are well-developed in this scene, with their emotions, struggles, and potential growth highlighted through their interactions and dialogue.

Character Changes: 8

László undergoes significant emotional growth in this scene, as he reflects on his past, opens up about his struggles, and considers new opportunities for a better future, setting the stage for potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal is to navigate his personal trauma and separation from his wife while trying to secure a better future for his family. This reflects his desire for stability and reunification.

External Goal: 9

László's external goal is to seek help with immigration issues and reunite his family. This reflects the immediate challenges he faces in a foreign country.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, revolving around László's past trauma, separation from his wife, and the challenges he faces in a new country, as well as the potential solutions offered by new connections.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with László facing challenges related to immigration, personal trauma, and societal attitudes, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as László grapples with his past trauma, separation from his wife, and current challenges, while also considering new opportunities that could potentially change his future.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, as László's past trauma, separation from his wife, and current challenges are explored, new connections and opportunities are introduced, and potential resolutions are hinted at, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its exploration of immigration issues and personal trauma, adding layers of complexity to the characters' interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the treatment of immigrants and refugees, as well as the societal attitudes towards different cultural backgrounds and religions. This challenges László's beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as László's past trauma, separation from his wife, and current challenges evoke sympathy and hope, while the potential for a brighter future through new connections adds depth to the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and informative, providing insight into László's past, his current challenges, and the potential solutions offered by new connections, while also showcasing the personalities of the other characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of emotional depth, historical context, and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in László's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for meaningful character interactions and plot progression.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-driven scene in a historical drama, with clear character interactions and progression of the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and emotional weight of László's situation, particularly his longing for his wife and the challenges of being a displaced person. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, especially when characters ask questions that lead to lengthy explanations. This can disrupt the natural flow of conversation.
  • László's character is well-developed through his interactions, but the emotional impact could be heightened by showing more of his internal struggle visually or through subtext rather than relying solely on dialogue. For instance, his physical demeanor while discussing his wife could reflect his pain more vividly.
  • The introduction of the Hoffmans and their background feels somewhat abrupt. While it is important to establish their connection to László, a smoother transition into their relationship could enhance the scene's cohesiveness. Perhaps a brief moment of shared experience or a visual cue could help.
  • The scene's pacing slows down during the dialogue-heavy sections, which may cause the audience to lose engagement. Balancing dialogue with action or reactions from other characters could maintain momentum and keep the audience invested.
  • The use of humor in László's japes about the National Socialists is a strong choice, but it may come off as jarring given the heavy subject matter. Ensuring that the humor feels organic to the moment and does not undermine the gravity of the conversation is crucial.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating more visual storytelling elements to convey László's emotional state, such as close-ups of his expressions or body language that reflect his internal conflict.
  • Streamline the dialogue to avoid excessive exposition. Instead of having characters ask leading questions, allow László to share his story more organically, perhaps through anecdotes or memories that arise naturally in conversation.
  • Introduce the Hoffmans with a brief moment that establishes their relationship with László before diving into the conversation. This could be a shared glance or a comment that hints at their familiarity.
  • Add moments of silence or pauses in the dialogue to allow the weight of László's words to resonate with the audience. This can create a more impactful emotional experience.
  • Reassess the placement of humor in the scene. Ensure that it serves to enhance the narrative rather than distract from the serious themes being explored. Consider using humor in a way that feels more connected to László's character and his coping mechanisms.



Scene 23 - Reflections in the Foyer
60 INT. FOYER / STUDY - EARLY EVENING 60
CUE: The score broods then gives way to an elegiac piano
theme.

ULTRA-WIDE ANGLE ON -

The light is extraordinarily beautiful. It looks like a Saul
Leiter picture.

The aristocrats all chat amongst themselves sipping coffees
and cognac.

NEW ANGLE ON -

LÁSZLÓ and VAN BUREN are deep in-conversation sitting in two
chairs the main foyer whiles guests observe the library
nearby.

VAN BUREN
(longing, drunk lucidity)
I was married once and she gave me
two beautiful children.
Nevertheless, my mother Margaret
and the twins demanded my attention-
every minute of my scarce personal
time. Things became awkward between
my ex-wife and Margaret so we
separated amicably...

VAN BUREN lights a cigar. He might be drunk.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Margaret raised me on her own in
Rochester. Just the two of us. Her
parents had disowned her for “a
child out of wedlock,” so she was
my only real family, other than the
twins later on in life, of
course...

VAN BUREN speaks rhythmically, hypnotically.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I’ll tell you, shortly before they
died, my mother’s parents - I
hesitate to call them my
grandparents - they reached out to
Margaret and me after reading an
article on the reported success of
my first company.

VAN BUREN asides...

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
In actual fact, we weren’t doing
all that well at the time and would
soon shutter our doors, but this
was not yet public knowledge.

VAN BUREN takes a sip of his drink.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
-you might have concluded from our
prior interactions, I am blunt, not
hyperbolic or particularly
sentimental, but my mother was
defenseless to their chumminess.
She argued that ‘they could very
well be sick or dying,” and perhaps
“they really needed the money...” I
didn’t like seeing Margaret, an
ordinarily pragmatic person,
reduced to such bromidic
assumptions but I agreed to meet
them in-person;
(MORE)

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
in part, to appease her, as well as
to satisfy the curiosities of my
lineage.

A PARTY GUEST comes over and interjects...

PARTY GUEST
It’s very clever, isn’t it? The way
the space seems to envelop you.

VAN BUREN
I think so, yes.

PARTY GUEST
It reminds me of a short story I
read about a never-ending library,
a labyrinth. Are you working on
anything at present, Mr. Toth?

LÁSZLÓ
A bowling alley.

The PARTY GUEST furrows his brow.

VAN BUREN
Pardon me, but I was just in the
middle of telling our friend a
story.

PARTY GUEST
Oh, not at all. Excuse me.

The PARTY GUEST moves on.

LÁSZLÓ
You agreed to see them?

VAN BUREN nods.

VAN BUREN
We exchanged pleasantries over the
telephone and I offered to visit
them at their modest apartment
residence in a neighboring town.

VAN BUREN asides...

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I laughed to realize they’d been so
nearby all those years!

Back to the body of the story...

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
On the drive over, I had time to
think and finally arrived at a
figure I felt comfortable offering
the two of them - seeing that they
were, whether I liked it or not,
our only living relatives...
(MORE)

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I was received hospitably so I
swiftly moved to explain that I had
made them out a cheque for the
amount of $25,000. When I handed it
over, they appeared relieved but
perhaps a little disappointed at
the figure. They were courteous and
thanked me, all the same.

VAN BUREN pauses for effect.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I was quite uncomfortable but
before hurrying off I asked them a
question; “what will you do with
all that money?” They rambled on
about miracles or some such thing.
For a moment, everything in their
immediate line of view seemed
solvable, achievable! They would
finally be all right. What a
thoughtful grandson I was!

VAN BUREN smiles.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Upon departure, before I had
reached the edge of their front
lawn, the two of them ran out after
me shouting! - “You’ve forgotten
your signature, Harrison!”

VAN BUREN exhales demonstratively.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I summoned the courage to be frank
and speak to them as adults. I had
not forgotten, I said, but was
ultimately not compelled to sign
due to the blunder of their
response! If only they’d been sick
or dying as my mother had
previously suggested, how glad I
would have been to ease their
troubles - but they appeared
perfectly healthy to me!

VAN BUREN sighs.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
They took it as such a shock that
for a moment I thought that that
might kill them right there on the
front lawn - but the two just wept
and came apart like beggars... It
was all much more disturbing than
I’d imagined it in my head so on
the condition that they let
Margaret alone from then on, I
struck them a separate cheque for
the amount of $500 and signed.

BEAT.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
That is how much I loved my mother,
Mr. Toth. We did things for each
other!

LÁSZLÓ
(deadpan)
What could they expect after the
way they had treated you both.

VAN BUREN
Yes, yes, that’s exactly how I see
it.

LÁSZLÓ blinks.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
So, answer me one question; why
architecture?

LÁSZLÓ
Is it a test?

VAN BUREN
Not at all.

LÁSZLÓ smiles through the pain of his broken nose.

LÁSZLÓ
(matter-of-fact)
Nothing can be of its own
explanation– is there a better
description of a cube than that of
its construction? You know, some
years ago, in March, a stranger
knocked at the classroom door of
the university where I frequently
lectured. At once, all that was
familiar and important to us was
gone. We were too well-known at
home. I thought my reputation might
help to protect us but- it was the
opposite. There was no way to
remain anonymous; nowhere for my
family to go.

LÁSZLÓ sighs and changes course.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
There was a war on, and yet it is
my understanding that many of the
sites of my projects have survived
and are still there in the city.

He smiles again and continues, choosing his words carefully.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
When the terrible recollections of
what happened in Europe have ceased
to humiliate us, I expect them to
serve instead as a political
stimulus, sparking the upheavals
that so frequently occur in the
cycles of peoplehood.
(MORE)

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
I already anticipate a communal
rhetoric of anger and fear; a whole
river of such frivolities may flow
un-dammed, but my buildings were
devised to endure such erosion of
the Danube’s shoreline.

VAN BUREN is intoxicated by LÁSZLÓ’s response.

VAN BUREN
What a poetic reply! You must have
been a beloved professor! I’ve said
it before but I do find our
conversations intellectually
stimulating.

WE PAN UP with VAN BUREN as he rises from his chair to
address the room.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Everyone, take your brandy and join
me outside! I have a fantastic
surprise.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a beautifully lit foyer, aristocrats engage in conversation as Van Buren shares a poignant story about his estranged grandparents and his complex feelings towards his family. László offers philosophical insights on architecture and the effects of war, creating an atmosphere of nostalgia and intellectual exchange. The scene captures Van Buren's internal struggle with his past, culminating in his decision to invite everyone outside for a surprise, shifting the mood from introspection to anticipation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict
  • Lack of action sequences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is rich in emotional depth, character development, and thematic exploration. The dialogue is poignant and thought-provoking, drawing the audience into the inner worlds of the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of delving into the pasts of the characters, exploring themes of family, loss, and redemption, is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it adds depth to the characters and enriches the overall narrative. The revelations and emotional exchanges contribute to the character arcs and thematic development.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to family dynamics and societal expectations, with nuanced character interactions and emotional depth. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals the complexities of human relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Van Buren and László are complex and multi-dimensional, with their vulnerabilities and strengths on full display. The scene allows for deep exploration of their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no drastic character changes in this scene, the emotional revelations and confessions deepen the audience's understanding of Van Buren and László, leading to subtle shifts in their perspectives and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Van Buren's internal goal is to navigate his complicated family dynamics and relationships, particularly with his mother and estranged relatives. His dialogue reveals his desire for understanding and resolution.

External Goal: 7

Van Buren's external goal is to maintain his reputation and navigate social interactions with grace and tact. He wants to handle the situation with his relatives diplomatically.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The scene is more focused on emotional introspection and character development than external conflict. The conflict arises from the characters' internal struggles and past regrets, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, with conflicting desires and expectations between the characters creating tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are more emotional and personal than external or action-driven. The characters' vulnerabilities and regrets are at the forefront, heightening the emotional tension and resonance of the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but adds layers to the characters and themes, enriching the overall narrative. It provides important insights into the emotional landscapes of Van Buren and László.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' emotional responses and revelations, keeping the audience on their toes and adding depth to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around family loyalty, duty, and personal boundaries. Van Buren grapples with the expectations placed on him by his family and society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' inner worlds and eliciting empathy and reflection. The poignant conversations and confessions resonate on a deep emotional level.

Dialogue: 9.3

The dialogue is poignant, reflective, and emotionally resonant. It effectively conveys the inner thoughts and feelings of the characters, adding depth to their interactions and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its rich dialogue, complex character relationships, and emotional depth. The interactions between the characters draw the audience in and create tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, allowing the characters' dialogue to unfold naturally and reveal their motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dialogue-heavy, character-driven scene, with clear character motivations and development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of introspection and vulnerability for both László and Van Buren, showcasing their complex backgrounds and emotional struggles. However, the dialogue can feel overly expository at times, particularly Van Buren's lengthy monologues. While they provide insight into his character, they may risk losing the audience's engagement due to their length and density.
  • The contrast between the elegant setting and the heavy themes discussed is compelling, but the pacing could be improved. The scene feels somewhat slow, which may detract from the emotional weight of the conversation. The dialogue could benefit from more back-and-forth exchanges to create a dynamic rhythm.
  • László's deadpan responses are effective in highlighting his emotional state, but they could be further developed to show more of his internal conflict. This would deepen the audience's connection to him and enhance the stakes of the conversation.
  • The introduction of the party guest interrupts the flow of the conversation between László and Van Buren, which can be jarring. While it serves to illustrate the social setting, it may detract from the intimacy of their exchange. Consider integrating such interruptions more seamlessly or using them to enhance the tension rather than disrupt it.
  • The scene ends with Van Buren inviting everyone outside for a surprise, which is a nice way to transition to the next moment. However, it could be more impactful if the surprise were hinted at earlier in the scene, creating anticipation and curiosity.
Suggestions
  • Consider trimming some of Van Buren's monologues to maintain audience engagement. Focus on the most impactful lines that reveal character and theme.
  • Introduce more dialogue exchanges between László and Van Buren to create a more dynamic and engaging conversation. This could involve László challenging Van Buren's views or sharing more of his own experiences.
  • Explore László's internal conflict further by incorporating subtle physical reactions or expressions that reflect his emotional state during the conversation.
  • Reassess the placement of the party guest's interruption. If it serves to highlight the social dynamics, ensure it enhances rather than disrupts the main conversation.
  • Foreshadow the surprise that Van Buren mentions at the end of the scene to build anticipation. This could be done through subtle hints in the dialogue or visual cues in the setting.



Scene 24 - Twilight Tensions
61 EXT. FOREST TRAIL/ VISTA - TWILIGHT 61
WIDE ON -

Ghostly silhouettes march across a footbridge near the
estate.

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
Where in the hell are you taking
us, Harrison?! It’s freezing out
here.

MICHELLE HOFFMAN
(laughs)
Try doing this in heels, Michael!

VAN BUREN
Don’t be impatient! It isn’t far.

ULTRA-WIDE ON -

They march on for some time up a hillside, murmuring amongst
themselves.

NEW ANGLE ON -

The path finally opens to a majestic clearing. A large pond
reflects moonlight and the hillside hovering above it.

VAN BUREN stops, and turns to his guests. He catches his
breath. He is visibly intoxicated.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
As you all know, these last years
have been especially hard on Harry,
Maggie, and myself.

ANGLE ON -

HARRY and MAGGIE give each other a squeeze, a little
embarrassed.

MAGGIE LEE
Daddy, it’s very cold out here.
Shouldn’t we go back inside?

BACK TO -

VAN BUREN stumbles but regains composure.

VAN BUREN
Quiet for a moment, Maggie... I
brought you all here this evening,
not to glance over my shoulder
towards the past, but to invite you
to look forward with me towards the
future!

He points...

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
On the other side of that hill is
Doylestown. It is on this site near
our own family plot that we plan to
build a center for the community in
honor of Margaret Lee Van Buren!

HARRY LEE looks distressed at the announcement.

MICHELLE HOFFMAN
Oh Harrison! How lovely!

The aristocrats clap a little. VAN BUREN continues...

VAN BUREN
This shall be a sacred enough space
that her soul might inhabit it! A
place for gathering, learning, and
reflection-

He places his hand on LÁSZLÓ’s shoulder.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
-and Mr. Toth, I want you to build
this for her, something boundless,
something new.

LÁSZLÓ blinks.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
It’s a shock to you I see! I’m
delighted! I thought you might see
it coming!

LÁSZLÓ
No-

VAN BUREN throws his arm around him and starts walking him
back in the direction they came.

VAN BUREN
It is no coincidence that fate
brought us together on the eve of
my mother’s death! I am good at
reading the signs.

LÁSZLÓ
I- I am not sure of what the
commission entails, sir.

VAN BUREN
We can discuss the details at home.
You’ll be well-compensated and
provided a place here on the
property to stay and work. Residing
here will allow you the time and
space to properly conceive of it.
Your family, should they arrive,
are welcome here, too. What do you
say?

LÁSZLÓ
I would like to draw something and
present it to you.

VAN BUREN
(changes gears)
You’d prefer to win the commission?
Fine, then do that. It’s cold.
Let’s return inside.
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Historical"]

Summary In a twilight forest clearing, Van Buren reveals plans for a community center in honor of his late mother, causing distress for Harry Lee and hesitation from architect László Toth. While Michael and Michelle Hoffman attempt to lighten the mood, the atmosphere remains tense as László expresses a desire to present a design before committing. The scene concludes with Van Buren abruptly deciding to return indoors, leaving unresolved conflicts lingering in the air.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Thematic richness
  • Plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some pacing issues in dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively conveys emotional depth, introduces a significant plot development, and sets the stage for character growth. The dialogue is poignant, and the thematic elements are rich and engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of building a community center as a tribute to Van Buren's mother adds depth to the narrative, exploring themes of memory, legacy, and the passage of time. It introduces a new direction for the characters and the story.

Plot: 8.7

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the community center project, creating new challenges and opportunities for the characters. It sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and a complex family dynamic, with a focus on grief, legacy, and the passage of time. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall atmosphere of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters show vulnerability, growth, and resilience in this scene, deepening their relationships and motivations. Van Buren's gesture towards László and the dynamics between the characters add layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

The scene marks a significant turning point for László, who is offered a new opportunity to showcase his talents and find a sense of belonging. Van Buren's gesture also hints at his own growth and reconciliation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to honor his deceased wife by building a community center in her memory. This reflects his desire to create a lasting legacy and find a way to cope with his grief.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince László to build the community center. This reflects the immediate challenge of getting someone to take on the project.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on personal struggles and relationships rather than external obstacles. The tension arises from the characters' pasts and their hopes for the future.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Harry Lee's hesitation and László's uncertainty, creating a sense of conflict and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high on an emotional level, as the characters grapple with their pasts and strive for a better future. The decision to build the community center carries personal significance and potential consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new project and deepening character relationships. It sets the stage for future developments and challenges, creating anticipation for what's to come.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected announcement of the community center project and the conflicting reactions of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between honoring the past and looking towards the future. Van Buren wants to create something new in memory of his wife, while Harry Lee seems hesitant about the announcement.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, touching on themes of loss, hope, and renewal. The characters' vulnerabilities and aspirations resonate deeply, creating a poignant moment.

Dialogue: 8.6

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, capturing the emotional nuances of the moment. It reveals the characters' inner thoughts and motivations, driving the scene forward with authenticity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the mystery surrounding Van Buren's plans, and the emotional depth of the interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a gradual reveal of Van Buren's plans and the characters' reactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, with a buildup of tension and conflict leading to a resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of anticipation and mystery with the characters venturing into the cold night, which sets a dramatic tone. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance character depth and relationships. For instance, Michael's frustration and Michelle's humor could be expanded to reveal more about their personalities and dynamics.
  • Van Buren's announcement about the community center feels abrupt and lacks emotional weight. While he expresses the significance of the project, the scene could delve deeper into his motivations and feelings about his mother's death. This would create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
  • László's reaction to the commission is underwhelming. His blinking and hesitation suggest shock, but the dialogue could be more expressive to convey his internal conflict about taking on such a significant project. This is a pivotal moment for his character, and it should resonate more strongly with the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The transition from the hike to the announcement could be smoother, perhaps by incorporating more sensory details about the environment or the characters' physical states to build tension before the reveal.
  • The dialogue sometimes feels expository, particularly when Van Buren explains the purpose of the center. Instead of stating its significance outright, consider showing it through the characters' reactions or memories associated with Margaret Lee Van Buren.
Suggestions
  • Enhance character interactions by adding more nuanced dialogue that reveals their relationships and individual motivations. For example, include a moment where Michael and Michelle exchange a knowing glance that hints at their shared history with Van Buren.
  • Deepen Van Buren's emotional connection to the project by incorporating a brief flashback or a poignant memory about his mother that he shares with the group. This would add layers to his character and make the announcement more impactful.
  • Give László a more substantial internal monologue or reaction to the commission. Perhaps he could express doubts about his ability to fulfill such a significant task, which would add tension and complexity to his character arc.
  • Consider adding sensory details to the setting, such as the chill in the air or the sounds of nature, to create a more immersive experience for the audience. This would enhance the atmosphere and reflect the characters' emotional states.
  • Revise the dialogue to reduce exposition and instead show the significance of the community center through the characters' emotional responses and interactions. This will create a more engaging and dynamic scene.



Scene 25 - A New Opportunity
62 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE FOYER - NIGHT 62
A grandfather clock ticks. The guests have gone. LÁSZLÓ waits
on a bench under a lamp near the front door. HARRY LEE and
MAGGIE LEE can be heard having a hushed argument somewhere in
the house.

LÁSZLÓ
(calls through the house)
Excuse me!

No response.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
I wonder if someone can take me to
the train station before it gets
too late!

HARRY LEE (O.S.)
(shouts back)
Just a moment please!

A SERVANT enters the foyer with the dirtied table cloth from
lunch. LÁSZLÓ approaches her in the hallway.

LÁSZLÓ
Excuse me, sorry. A driver brought
me here. I don’t recall his name-

She doesn’t speak English.

SERVANT
Sorry, sorry-

LÁSZLÓ
I need to get back. Can someone
possibly contact the man who
brought me here this afternoon?

SERVANT
Just a minute please...

HARRY LEE enters from behind.

HARRY LEE
Mr. Toth, I’m sorry to have kept
you waiting.

LÁSZLÓ turns to HARRY LEE.

HARRY LEE (CONT'D)
Harrison’s gone to bed but he
wishes you a good night.

Beat.

HARRY LEE (CONT'D)
Listen, I am terribly sorry for my
father’s theatrics. It must have
caught you off-guard-

LÁSZLÓ
(nervous)
That’s all right...

HARRY LEE
He often makes decisions without
consulting the rest of us.

LÁSZLÓ
I did not take any of it- to heart-

HARRY LEE
Oh, but you should. You should, you
see. My father would like us to
hire you.

It begins to set in for LÁSZLÓ that the offer might be
sincere.

LÁSZLÓ
(rambles)
-but I have no infrastructure here.

HARRY LEE
That’s why he’s asked me to oversee
and assist you in this endeavor.

LÁSZLÓ
I have no idea of the parameters.

HARRY LEE
Once I have distilled the essence
of father’s outburst I will try and
make some economic sense of it.

MAGGIE LEE enters.

MAGGIE LEE
We’ve quite a full house this
evening so I took the liberty of
making up a place for you in the
guest house. We can have your
things sent for in the morning.


63 INT. GUEST HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY 63
SFX: Knock, knock, knock.

ANGLE ON -

The view of the estate from the guest house window.

NEW ANGLE ON -

LÁSZLÓ wakes in a new environment, fully clothed atop some
freshly ironed linens. Next to him, are all of his
belongings, fetched and delivered whilst he slept. He quickly
sorts through his bag to find his sketchbook.

SFX: Another round of rapping at the door...
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the dimly lit foyer of the Van Buren estate, László waits for a ride to the train station while overhearing a tense argument between Harry and Maggie Lee. Struggling with a language barrier, he attempts to communicate with a servant about his departure. Harry Lee arrives, apologizing for the delay and offering László a job at his father's request, while Maggie informs him of accommodations prepared in the guest house. The scene concludes with László waking up in the guest house, surrounded by his belongings, signaling a shift in his circumstances.
Strengths
  • Effective tension
  • Cultural nuances
  • Character depth
Weaknesses
  • Slow pacing
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively conveys tension through the interaction between László and Harry Lee, while also providing a reflective moment for László to consider the job offer. The mix of emotions and the cultural nuances add depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of László being offered a job in a new environment is engaging and sets up potential conflicts and character growth. The scene effectively introduces this concept and sets the stage for future developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the job offer to László, adding a new layer of conflict and potential growth for the character. It moves the story forward by introducing a new challenge for László to navigate.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic 'stranger in a strange land' trope, with a focus on cultural differences, power dynamics, and personal growth. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of László and Harry Lee are well-developed in this scene, with clear motivations and emotions. The cultural differences between them add depth to their interactions.

Character Changes: 7

László experiences a subtle shift in his perspective and potential future as he considers the job offer. This sets the stage for potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the unexpected offer of a job and the implications it has on his future. This reflects his desire for stability and success in a foreign environment.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to find a way back to the train station and return home. This reflects the immediate challenge of being stranded in an unfamiliar place.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal for László, as he grapples with the job offer and the cultural differences he faces. The tension between him and Harry Lee adds an external conflict element.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from external forces (the job offer, the unfamiliar environment) and internal conflicts (his own doubts and fears). The audience is left unsure of how the protagonist will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, as László faces a decision that could impact his future and career. The cultural and language barriers add complexity to the situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new challenge for László and setting up potential conflicts and character growth. It propels the narrative towards new developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, unexpected job offer, and nuanced character motivations. The audience is kept on their toes as they try to anticipate the protagonist's next move.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between tradition and modernity, as the protagonist is faced with a job offer that goes against his expectations and plans. This challenges his beliefs about his own capabilities and opportunities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of tension, reflection, and hope. László's internal struggle and the cultural barriers evoke empathy from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys tension, reflection, and cultural nuances. It drives the interaction between László and Harry Lee, setting up the dynamics for future developments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich character dynamics, subtle tension, and emotional depth. The dialogue and interactions keep the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing character motivations, and advancing the plot. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character cues, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere and mood.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of isolation and tension through László's waiting in the foyer while overhearing a hushed argument. This creates an atmosphere of discomfort and anticipation, which is fitting given the context of the story.
  • László's dialogue reflects his nervousness and uncertainty about his situation, which is well portrayed. However, his character could benefit from more emotional depth. The audience should feel his anxiety more acutely, perhaps through internal monologue or more expressive body language.
  • Harry Lee's entrance and dialogue serve to introduce a potential opportunity for László, but the transition from tension to this offer feels abrupt. The shift in tone could be smoother, allowing for a more gradual build-up to the revelation that Harry's father wants to hire László.
  • The servant's language barrier adds a layer of realism, but it could be enhanced by showing László's frustration more vividly. This would help to emphasize his feelings of being an outsider in this environment, both culturally and socially.
  • Maggie Lee's entrance feels somewhat abrupt as well. While it serves to provide information about László's accommodations, it could be more integrated into the scene. Perhaps she could overhear the conversation between László and Harry, which would create a more cohesive flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for László as he waits, expressing his thoughts on the situation and his feelings about being in a foreign environment. This would deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • Enhance the tension between László and Harry by incorporating more physical cues, such as László fidgeting or pacing, to visually represent his anxiety and discomfort.
  • Smooth the transition between the argument and Harry's offer by having Harry acknowledge the tension in the room before presenting the opportunity. This could create a more natural flow and allow the audience to digest the shift in tone.
  • Explore the servant's character further by giving her a moment of empathy or understanding towards László, even if it's non-verbal. This could help to humanize the interaction and provide a contrast to the tension with the Lees.
  • Consider having Maggie Lee enter with a more engaging line that acknowledges the previous argument, which would help to tie her entrance into the ongoing narrative and provide a sense of continuity.



Scene 26 - Visions in Disarray
64 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - BEDROOM - LATER 64
A SERVANT mutters something in the hallway then LÁSZLÓ cracks
the door to HARRISON’s sleeping chambers.

LÁSZLÓ (O.S.)
You rang for me, sir?

VAN BUREN (O.S.)
Come in, László! I’ve had a vision!

LÁSZLÓ enters with sketches in-hand.

LÁSZLÓ
I have some sketches, also-
something I have been working on
which might be applicable here, if
you care to look-

A NEW ANGLE reveals VAN BUREN, still in bed, an absolute
wreck. He wears a sleep mask over his eyes.

VAN BUREN
Stop! Stop! In a moment! My eyes
are bleary! Take a seat!

VAN BUREN sits up in bed and pushes the sleep mask up to his
forehead. He then drops something into a glass of water
causing it to fizz.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Pardon my appearance, I’ll call for
breakfast. I have some carpenters
in the forehead causing a terrible
ringing in my ears so you must bear
with me-

LÁSZLÓ sits in a chair next to the bed.

LÁSZLÓ
I can come back-

VAN BUREN
Shh. Shh. Before I lose it. Dreams
slip away.

LÁSZLÓ laughs.

LÁSZLÓ
Yes, I know.

VAN BUREN speaks methodically.

VAN BUREN
Doylestown is beautiful but not a
cultural place, you know?

LÁSZLÓ
Sure.

VAN BUREN
But it could be. If there were an
auditorium, it could host a theater
festival.

LÁSZLÓ
Sure.

VAN BUREN
In the off-season, of course, the
local students could access it.

LÁSZLÓ
Yes.

VAN BUREN
And what do you think of a
gymnasium? I practiced wrestling as
a teenager and I have fond memories
of my mother accompanying me to
matches in the neighboring towns.

LÁSZLÓ
Perhaps a swimming pool?

VAN BUREN shuts this down.

VAN BUREN
I can’t swim.

LÁSZLÓ remains poker-faced.

LÁSZLÓ
And perhaps it’s too expensive-

VAN BUREN pats LÁSZLÓ’s chest affectionately.

VAN BUREN
(shudders)
Don’t talk to me about money.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary László visits Van Buren in his bedroom, bringing sketches related to Van Buren's ambitious ideas for Doylestown's cultural development. Despite feeling unwell and disheveled, Van Buren shares his vision for a theater festival and reminisces about his wrestling days, while László suggests a swimming pool, which Van Buren dismisses. The scene captures the contrast between Van Buren's aspirations and his physical discomfort, blending light-hearted moments with serious discussions about the town's future.
Strengths
  • Rich character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on character development and thematic exploration. The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring cultural development and personal histories through a conversation between László and Van Buren is compelling. It adds depth to the characters and the overall narrative, offering insights into their motivations and aspirations.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it provides essential character development and thematic exploration. The focus on cultural development and personal histories adds richness to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique setting and characters, with fresh dialogue that reveals the protagonist's personality and desires authentically.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene allows for in-depth exploration of László and Van Buren's characters, revealing their aspirations, fears, and personal histories. Their contrasting perspectives create a dynamic and engaging dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

Both László and Van Buren undergo subtle shifts in their perspectives and aspirations during the conversation, deepening their characters and setting the stage for potential growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to bring culture and sophistication to his town, as indicated by his desire to build an auditorium and gymnasium. This reflects his deeper need for validation and recognition as a cultured individual.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal is to discuss his vision for cultural development with his servant. This reflects the immediate challenge of convincing others to support his ideas.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a subtle tension in the scene, primarily stemming from the contrasting perspectives of László and Van Buren, the conflict is more intellectual and philosophical in nature.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is mild, with the servant questioning the protagonist's ideas but ultimately supporting him.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are more personal and philosophical, focusing on the characters' aspirations and the potential for cultural development in a small town.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene doesn't propel the main plot forward significantly, it lays the groundwork for future developments by establishing key character motivations and thematic elements.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of the protagonist's goals and interactions with the servant, but there are moments of unexpected humor and character revelations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for culture and sophistication and the practical considerations of cost and feasibility. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the importance of culture in society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of reflection and introspection, rather than intense emotional reactions. The focus is on intellectual engagement and character development.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is rich and engaging, capturing the philosophical and reflective tone of the conversation between László and Van Buren. It adds depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to the witty dialogue and dynamic interactions between the characters, keeping the audience interested in the protagonist's vision.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics, with a balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 7

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear character interactions and progression of ideas.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a contrast between László's professionalism and Van Buren's disheveled state, which highlights the power dynamics at play. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the characters' relationship and motivations. For instance, László's eagerness to present his sketches could be juxtaposed with Van Buren's dismissive attitude, revealing more about their respective characters.
  • Van Buren's dialogue about his vision for Doylestown is somewhat vague and lacks specificity. While it introduces the idea of cultural development, it would be more engaging if he provided concrete examples or anecdotes that illustrate his passion for the project. This would also help to create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
  • The humor in the scene, particularly László's laughter and Van Buren's quirky remarks, adds a lightness that contrasts with the serious themes of ambition and cultural development. However, the humor could be more nuanced to avoid undermining the gravity of their discussion. For example, László's laughter could be more restrained, reflecting his awareness of the absurdity of the situation rather than outright amusement.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, particularly with Van Buren's methodical speech. While it emphasizes his disorientation, it could benefit from a more dynamic rhythm. Consider interspersing shorter, punchier lines to create a more engaging back-and-forth exchange between the characters.
  • The visual elements of the scene are somewhat limited, primarily focusing on the dialogue. Incorporating more descriptive actions or reactions from László and Van Buren could enhance the scene's visual storytelling. For instance, showing László's body language or expressions in response to Van Buren's ideas would add depth to their interaction.
Suggestions
  • Introduce more subtext in the dialogue to reveal the characters' underlying motivations and tensions. This could involve László subtly challenging Van Buren's ideas or expressing his own aspirations more clearly.
  • Add specific examples or anecdotes to Van Buren's vision for Doylestown to make his ambitions feel more tangible and relatable. This could help the audience connect with his character and understand the stakes involved.
  • Refine the humor in the scene to ensure it complements the serious themes. Consider making László's laughter more subdued and reflective, which would maintain the scene's emotional weight.
  • Adjust the pacing by varying the rhythm of the dialogue. Incorporate shorter lines or interruptions to create a more dynamic exchange that reflects the urgency of their conversation.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including more descriptive actions or reactions from the characters. This could involve showing László's physical responses to Van Buren's ideas or the environment around them to create a richer scene.



Scene 27 - Community Center Conflicts
65 INT. HARRY LEE’S PHILADELPHIA OFFICE - DAY 65
MICHAEL HOFFMAN sits next to HARRY LEE red-lining a contract.

HARRY LEE
Don’t talk to him about money. I’ve
spoken to our friends at the Bucks
County Mayor’s office who are warm
to accessing local and state
funding opportunities, on behalf of
our project, if we are willing to
designate a “specific and
meaningful” component of the center
for Christian congregation.

LÁSZLÓ
It’s a community center for all
people. What do they want? A prayer
room?

HARRY LEE
I am under the impression they are
expecting something more specific
and meaningful than that for their
earmark. This, and pending their
approval of the overall proposal,
of course.

LÁSZLÓ laughs a bit then realizes HARRY LEE is serious about
this casual new addition.

LÁSZLÓ
An auditorium, a gymnasium, a
library-

HARRY LEE
(corrects)
Father described it as more of a
reading room for the public...

LÁSZLÓ doubles down.

LÁSZLÓ
-a library, and a chapel? It’s four
builds, not one.

HARRY LEE
It’s ambitious. Thought you’d like
that... I’ve put in a call to our
frequent contractor, Leslie
Woodrow. We first worked with
Leslie as one of our Ship
Engineering Officers but he’s
supervised several important
construction projects for us since-
including these offices. My father
is allocating a sum of 850,000
dollars for this project which to
me seems very reasonable, if not
exorbitant. If Leslie agrees to
come on-board, I’ll have him start
a budget for us right away.

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
This allocation of 850,000 is
inclusive of fees for yourself and
Leslie... Also, we’ve gone ahead
and made arrangements to start
securing you a license here in
Pennsylvania-

CUE: Mournful solo piano reprises over the following
sequence.


66 EXT. COUNTRY ROADS - AFTERNOON 66
LONG LENS ON -

LÁSZLÓ rides a bicycle into town.

LÁSZLÓ (V.O.)
(in HUNGARIAN)
Erzsébet,
I have become acquainted with an
influential American attorney who
says he can help you and Zsófia
with your situation.


67 INT. GUEST HOUSE - NIGHT 67
CLOSE ON -

LÁSZLÓ writes a letter to his wife.

LÁSZLÓ (V.O.)
Is there somewhere we might find a
photograph of you and Zsófia
pictured together?


68 EXT. DOYLESTOWN - AFTERNOON 68
LÁSZLÓ view as he would observe the community from his
bicycle.

- SCHOOL CHILDREN exit a YELLOW BUS in ULTRA SLOW-MOTION.

- A small family gather for a wedding photo outside of a
local church; St. Anthony’s.

- Some teens play American football in a local park in ULTRA
SLOW-MOTION.

LÁSZLÓ (V.O.)
Anything linking her to you? I have
reached out to colleagues who
sometimes attended parties at the
house. I am waiting on return.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Harry Lee's Philadelphia office, discussions unfold regarding a community center project, highlighting a conflict between Harry's insistence on including a religious component for funding and László's advocacy for a more inclusive approach. As they navigate the budget and project requirements, László expresses frustration over the direction of the project. The scene transitions to László riding his bicycle through town, reflecting on his family's situation and contemplating a letter to his wife, contrasting the serious office discussions with a slow-motion observation of the community.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Thematic depth
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up new plot points and character motivations while maintaining a reflective and hopeful tone. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of László's journey towards redemption and his involvement in the community center project is compelling and sets the stage for future developments. The scene introduces new themes and challenges for the characters to navigate.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with the introduction of the community center project and László's personal struggles. The scene sets up future conflicts and resolutions, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the conflict between financial gain and moral values, with nuanced character interactions and dialogue that feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with László's introspection and determination shining through. The interactions between the characters reveal their motivations and relationships, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

László undergoes a subtle but significant change in this scene, as he reflects on his past and makes plans for the future. His determination and hope for redemption drive his character arc forward.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal is to maintain the community center as a space for all people, without compromising its inclusivity for the sake of accessing funding.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to secure funding and approval for the community center project.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there are underlying tensions and challenges introduced in the scene, the conflict level is relatively low. The focus is more on character development and thematic exploration.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and motivations driving the conflict between characters.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the introduction of the community center project and László's personal struggles add complexity to the story. The decisions made in this scene will have lasting consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new plot points and challenges for the characters to navigate. The community center project adds depth to the narrative and sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of the conflict between financial gain and moral values, but the character dynamics and dialogue add layers of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between maintaining inclusivity and potentially compromising the values of the community center for financial gain.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of reflection and hope, drawing the audience into László's journey and his efforts to help his family. The emotional depth of the characters adds resonance to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. The conversations feel natural and contribute to the overall tone and themes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the dynamic dialogue, character interactions, and the underlying conflict between financial gain and moral values.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and conflict through the dialogue and character interactions, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a dialogue-heavy office setting, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between László's vision for the community center and Harry Lee's insistence on accommodating the demands of local officials. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to convey the underlying motivations of the characters, particularly Harry Lee, who seems to prioritize funding over the integrity of the project.
  • László's character is portrayed as passionate and principled, but his responses could be more emotionally charged to reflect the weight of the situation. Adding a moment of frustration or desperation could enhance the stakes and make his opposition to Harry's suggestions more impactful.
  • The transition from the office to the bicycle ride is visually interesting, but the connection between the two scenes could be strengthened. The voiceover feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding dialogue, and it might be more effective to integrate László's thoughts into the conversation rather than having them as a separate voiceover.
  • The use of slow-motion visuals in the following scenes is a strong stylistic choice, but it may benefit from a clearer thematic connection to László's internal struggle. Consider how these images reflect his feelings of longing or nostalgia, and ensure that they resonate with the emotional tone of the preceding dialogue.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue with subtext that reveals Harry Lee's true motivations and the pressure he feels from the local officials. This could create a more complex dynamic between him and László.
  • Add a moment where László expresses his emotional stakes in the project, perhaps by referencing his past or his family, to deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • Consider integrating László's voiceover more closely with the dialogue, perhaps by having him reflect on the conversation as it unfolds, rather than as a separate thought afterward.
  • Ensure that the slow-motion sequences following the office scene are thematically tied to László's emotional journey, perhaps by showing moments that evoke his memories of family or community, reinforcing the stakes of his current situation.



Scene 28 - Sketching Hope
69 EXT. VISTA - DUSK 69
The sunrise... LÁSZLÓ peacefully sketches the hillside as he
snacks on a healthful breakfast.


70 EXT. VISTA - MORNING 70
LÁSZLÓ walks the landscape’s perimeter counting each click as
he pushes along a Surveyor’s Wheel. GORDON takes notes beside
him.

LÁSZLÓ (V.O.)
Whomever comes to mind, write to
them and explain its urgency.
Anything tying she to you, and you
to me, can be of great assistance
to Mr. Hoffman. I have enclosed a
list of items and information
requested by his office. Please
fill out what you can of these
documents and return these
originals to me at once.

LÁSZLÓ
194, 195, 196, 197, 198....

LÁSZLÓ (V.O.)
Here: some good fortune may have
fallen upon me. In an unexpected
turn of events I have been offered
an intriguing opportunity; a second
chance.

LÁSZLÓ
204, 205, 206, 207...

LÁSZLÓ (V.O.)
I can feel you nearer to me now
than ever before.

LÁSZLÓ
213, 214, 215.

LÁSZLÓ looks out over Doylestown.

LÁSZLÓ (V.O.)
Your love, László

He begins a new calculation and begins to step off in a new
direction.

LÁSZLÓ
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,...


71 INT. VAN BUREN GUEST HOUSE / DRAWING ROOM - DAY 71
SFX: A bell chimes three times.

CLOSE ON -

“Margaret Lee Van Buren Center for Activity and Creation” is
scribbled crudely at the top of the coal sketch. The semi-
abstract drawing gives little indication of what the
recreation center will actually look like when fully-
realized. The illustration is more akin to a Jerry Hopper
lithograph than a traditional architectural drawing.

LÁSZLÓ removes the sheet of paper to reveal another modular
section of the structure, then a third, and fourth.


72 INT. VAN BUREN GUEST HOUSE / DRAWING ROOM - NIGHT 72
The living room has been transformed into a makeshift office
space. By the window stands a drawing table adjusted to
LÁSZLÓ’s height. Paper, wooden blocks, and other materials
are strewn about the room. The shades are removed from the
standing lamps for better luminance.

LÁSZLÓ stands hunched over the dining room table constructing
a detailed architectural model.

A SERIES OF ANGLES -

- The model: A trapezoidal structure, the centerpiece, sits
atop the small hill overlooking the lake and a miniature of
Doylestown on the other side.

- A cluster of buildings; sloping and irregular triangles
surround the trapezoid; together they form a perfect
rectangle.

- The sharp points of the model rooftops protrude out and up
towards the sky.

- LÁSZLÓ carefully finishes by placing a small bell tower
made of bent copper parallel to the model’s main structure.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this contemplative scene, László sketches the hillside at dusk while enjoying breakfast, then surveys the landscape with a Surveyor's Wheel, accompanied by Gordon who takes notes. László's voiceover reveals his urgent need for assistance regarding Mr. Hoffman, expressing newfound hope and connection. The scene transitions to the Van Buren Guest House, where László works on an architectural model for a recreation center, showcasing his dedication and creative process. It concludes with him placing a small bell tower on the model, symbolizing his commitment to the project.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Hopeful tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of reflection, hope, and introspection through László's actions and inner thoughts. It sets up a new chapter in his life and hints at positive developments to come.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of László being offered a second chance and working on a meaningful project is engaging and sets the stage for character growth and narrative development.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around László's new opportunity and the beginning of a transformative journey for him. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a blend of artistic expression, architectural design, and emotional reflection, offering a fresh perspective on creativity and personal connection. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and heartfelt.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene focuses on László and his internal struggles and aspirations, providing insight into his character and motivations. Other characters play supporting roles in his story.

Character Changes: 7

László undergoes a subtle but significant change in the scene as he embraces a new opportunity and begins to move forward from his past struggles.

Internal Goal: 8

LÁSZLÓ's internal goal in this scene is to express his feelings of love and gratitude towards someone important to him. This reflects his deeper need for connection and emotional fulfillment.

External Goal: 7

LÁSZLÓ's external goal is to work on a detailed architectural model for the recreation center, showcasing his dedication to his work and creative vision.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a subtle conflict in László's internal struggles and uncertainties, the scene is more focused on setting up a positive turning point in his life.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with potential challenges and conflicts hinted at but not fully realized. This adds a layer of uncertainty and tension to LÁSZLÓ's creative process.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are moderate in the scene, focusing more on personal growth and new beginnings for László rather than high external conflicts.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new project for László and setting the stage for future developments and challenges.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of LÁSZLÓ's actions and emotional journey, but there is a sense of mystery and potential conflict in the background.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the peaceful, creative world of LÁSZLÓ's sketching and the potential challenges and opportunities presented by the architectural project. This conflict challenges LÁSZLÓ's values of artistry and practicality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through its themes of hope, reflection, and the promise of a fresh start for László.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but serves to enhance the atmosphere and convey László's thoughts and emotions effectively.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to its blend of visual imagery, emotional depth, and character introspection. The audience is drawn into LÁSZLÓ's world and creative process.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of reflection and action to coexist.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, transitioning smoothly between different locations and activities while maintaining a cohesive narrative thread.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures László's introspection and determination as he sketches and surveys the landscape, which aligns well with the overarching themes of hope and renewal in the screenplay. However, the transition from the peaceful sketching to the more intense surveying could be smoother to maintain narrative flow.
  • The use of voiceover is a strong choice, allowing László's thoughts to be conveyed directly to the audience. However, the voiceover could benefit from more emotional depth or specificity regarding the 'intriguing opportunity' he mentions. This would help the audience connect more with his feelings and the stakes involved.
  • The dialogue, particularly László's counting, serves as a rhythmic device that emphasizes his focus and determination. However, it may come off as repetitive without additional context or variation. Consider incorporating more varied internal thoughts or reflections during this counting to enhance engagement.
  • The visual descriptions of the model and the drawing process are vivid and help to illustrate László's creative process. However, the transition between the outdoor sketching and the indoor model construction could be more pronounced to highlight the contrast between inspiration and execution.
  • The scene ends with László stepping off in a new direction, which is a nice metaphor for moving forward. However, it might be more impactful if this action is tied to a specific thought or realization from his voiceover, creating a stronger thematic connection.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a specific memory that László associates with the opportunity he mentions in the voiceover. This could deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • To enhance the transition between the outdoor and indoor settings, you could include a brief moment where László contemplates the significance of the landscape before moving inside, reinforcing the connection between his environment and his creative process.
  • Introduce a small conflict or challenge during the surveying process, such as an unexpected obstacle or distraction, to create tension and further engage the audience.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the descriptions of both the outdoor and indoor settings to immerse the audience in László's experience, such as the sounds of nature or the feel of the materials he is working with.
  • Consider varying the pacing of the voiceover to match the rhythm of László's actions, perhaps slowing down during moments of reflection and speeding up during more intense or focused actions.



Scene 29 - Design Tensions
73 EXT. VAN BUREN ESTATE FOYER - DAY 73
LÁSZLÓ and two servants awkwardly navigate the large-scale
model across the estate’s horizon line.

74 INT. VAN BUREN’S STUDY - LATER 74
LÁSZLÓ stands at the center of VAN BUREN’s study
demonstrating his finished model which takes up much of the
room. HARRY LEE, MAGGIE LEE and LESLIE WOODROW (heavy-set and
above-average in height) all observe, fascinated.

VAN BUREN sits behind them all getting a haircut leafing
through pages and pages of LÁSZLÓ’s drawings.

LÁSZLÓ
The total area is 648 Square
Meters, including a sizable
condensate system for harvesting
rainwater for the boilers below
grade.

LÁSZLÓ points, gathers himself.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Narrow openings at the top, as you
see here and here, are skylights
that can also be viewed as
demarcations of units of space on
either side of the entrance hall.
Each unit is convertible and multi-
functional with removable panels
that hinge open and close. When
these rooms are combined they
support a total occupancy of 500
persons on each side. Bespoke
systems for seating and storage
allow for conference, gymnasium,
auditorium. These rooms of more
standard size are pre-cast
concrete. The chapel at the heart
of the building, however, is a
perfect sphere, like a grain silo,
so we’d cast on-site.

LÁSZLÓ stammers nervously.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
The main tower from the ground is
20 meters tall-

VAN BUREN swats his BARBER’s hand away, annoyed.

VAN BUREN
I can’t see!

HARRY clears his father’s vantage point.


VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Harry, what do you think about the
gymnasium off to the side like
that? I had imagined it
differently.

HARRY LEE
It all looks like an army barracks.

Everyone waits for VAN BUREN’s reaction with bated breath.

VAN BUREN
Perhaps that’s because you never
enlisted, Harry. I think it’s all a
great surprise. Carry on, László.

LÁSZLÓ appears a bit insecure. He moves now to a different
model that demonstrates the chapel’s interior.

LÁSZLÓ
The Chapel’s interior is more
generous in its expression; the
vernacular concrete contrasted by
an altarpiece of marble from the
mountains of Carrara will serve as
the institute’s centerpiece.

LÁSZLÓ gestures to the next model.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
And see, let me demonstrate...
Morning, midday, dusk.

ULTRA CLOSE ON -

LÁSZLÓ turns on a small flashlight and holds it at a high
angle close to the model through three entry points of light,
MAGGIE LEE, HARRY LEE and VAN BUREN lean down to look inside.
The light forms a pattern on the floor.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
As the sun moves, east to west...
Located at the base of the towers,
wooden beams unite to form a symbol
of the cross upon the altarpiece.

MAGGIE LEE
Oh, how wonderful! The town is sure
to be over the moon when they see
you’ve kept faith and values at the
forefront of your design.


VAN BUREN
Extraordinary. Your grandmother
loved marble. Maggie will you call
for some coffee?

MAGGIE LEE
I think it’s beautiful, Mr. Toth.

She exits. VAN BUREN looks at HARRY LEE.

LESLIE points at the towers on the right and left.

LESLIE WOODROW
(scoffs)
What’s the height of those things?
Six or seven meters also? And did I
understand you correctly? 108
meters of surface area for the
facade?! That’s eleven square feet,
If we can afford these materials at
all, Mr. Van Buren, Sylacauga
Marble ships out of Talladega
County and that might be possible
if I manage to swing some favors
but I can’t make any promises.

LÁSZLÓ
Afford these materials? The
concrete is sturdy and cheap.

LESLIE speaks frankly.

LESLIE WOODROW
The concrete- it’s not very
attractive. Perhaps you’d like to
split the difference on materials?

LÁSZLÓ
Fortunately, the building’s
aesthetic is not yours to resolve,
Mr. Woodrow. And Sylacauga marble
is white like a sheet of paper;
it’s nothing. What I have here is
blue and grey with softer veining.

VAN BUREN
I prefer the Italian, I think. It’s
more suitable, no?

LESLIE WOODROW
I have to do some research but-


LÁSZLÓ
I know someone talented, an Italian
mason whom I have commissioned
before.

LESLIE is visibly frustrated.

VAN BUREN
There’s one detail before I forget;
the name. I’d like to place it
somewhere more visible. What do you
think?

LÁSZLÓ nods, lights a cigarette. MAGGIE LEE enters again
followed by two maids with trays of coffee.

MAGGIE LEE
(to the maids)
On the table over there.

MAGGIE LEE hands her father a cup and turns to LÁSZLÓ.

MAGGIE LEE (CONT'D)
Sugar?

LÁSZLÓ
Black.

LESLIE’s eyes widen.

LESLIE WOODROW
Sir, is this really what you
imagined? Am I missing something?
When Harry called, he described
this to me as a personal project.
If this is what we ultimately
settle on, something of this scale,
the timeline would need to be
considerably adjusted.

VAN BUREN
I’d rather be alive at 18% than
dead at the prime rate, Leslie.

VAN BUREN winks at LESLIE.

LÁSZLÓ
We will not exceed our allocation.

VAN BUREN
Harry, where are we in our
discussions with the Mayor’s
office?


HARRY LEE
They are waiting on us.

VAN BUREN
Push things along and see where we
land with them.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In Van Buren's study, architect László presents his innovative model featuring a rainwater harvesting system and a central chapel. While Van Buren critiques the design during a haircut, tensions rise as Leslie Woodrow questions the project's scale and budget. László defends his choices, showcasing both confidence and insecurity. Despite the skepticism, Van Buren ultimately supports László's vision, signaling the project's advancement as he instructs his son Harry to engage with the Mayor's office.
Strengths
  • Detailed architectural description
  • Tension and conflict between characters
  • Character interactions and reactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
  • Some dialogue may be overly technical or detailed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a clear focus on László's presentation and the reactions of the characters involved. It effectively conveys tension and intrigue through the dialogue and interactions, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of László presenting his architectural design for a community center is compelling and adds depth to the storyline. It explores themes of artistic vision, practicality, and the clash of opinions, providing insight into the characters' motivations and beliefs.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around László's presentation and the reactions of Van Buren, his family, and Leslie Woodrow. It moves the story forward by introducing conflicts and showcasing the dynamics between the characters, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the architectural design process, blending technical details with interpersonal conflicts and showcasing the complexity of creative collaboration.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-defined, with László displaying his passion for architecture, Van Buren showing his appreciation for artistry, and Leslie Woodrow representing practical concerns. Their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations effectively.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development, particularly for László as he navigates the challenges of presenting his design and facing criticism.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal is to impress Van Buren and the others with his design and vision for the building project. This reflects his desire for recognition, validation, and success in his career.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to secure approval and funding for his architectural project from Van Buren. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in advancing his career and completing the project successfully.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the clash of artistic vision and practical concerns, as well as differing opinions on materials and aesthetics. It adds tension and intrigue to the presentation, driving the interactions between the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and obstacles that challenge the protagonist's goals and decisions, creating uncertainty and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are relatively high, as László's reputation and the success of the community center project are on the line. The conflicts and tensions add weight to the outcome of the presentation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the proposed community center project, showcasing László's architectural skills, and setting up conflicts and dynamics between the characters. It lays the foundation for future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected conflicts and resolutions that arise from the characters' differing perspectives on the architectural project.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash of artistic vision and practical considerations. László's focus on design and aesthetics clashes with Leslie Woodrow's concerns about cost and materials, highlighting the tension between creativity and pragmatism in the creative process.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of intrigue and tension, as well as admiration for László's creativity and dedication. The interactions between the characters add depth to the emotional impact, setting the stage for future developments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and serves to convey the characters' thoughts, emotions, and conflicts. It effectively drives the narrative forward, adds depth to the interactions, and enhances the tension in the presentation.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters, the detailed descriptions of the architectural project, and the underlying tension between artistic vision and practical concerns.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of reflection and dialogue that deepen the characters' motivations and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure, moving from the introduction of the architectural model to the discussion of materials and design elements, leading to a resolution with Van Buren's approval.


Critique
  • The scene effectively showcases László's architectural vision and his nervousness in presenting it, which adds depth to his character. However, the dialogue can feel overly technical and may alienate viewers who are not familiar with architectural terminology. Simplifying some of the explanations or incorporating more relatable metaphors could enhance audience engagement.
  • The dynamic between László and the other characters, particularly Van Buren and Leslie, is well-established, but the tension could be heightened. For instance, Leslie's skepticism about the materials could be more confrontational, creating a stronger conflict that drives the scene forward.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the model and the lighting effects, is a strong point in this scene. However, the description of the model's features could be more vivid to help the audience visualize the design better. Consider adding sensory details that evoke the textures and colors of the materials being discussed.
  • The humor introduced by Van Buren's quips is a nice touch, but it could be more consistent throughout the scene. Balancing the serious architectural discussion with lighter moments can help maintain viewer interest and provide relief from the tension.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven at times, particularly during the technical explanations. Consider breaking up the dialogue with more action or reactions from the characters to keep the momentum going and prevent the scene from feeling stagnant.
Suggestions
  • Consider simplifying some of the architectural jargon to make it more accessible to a broader audience. Use analogies or comparisons that relate to everyday experiences.
  • Enhance the conflict between László and Leslie by making their exchanges more confrontational. This could involve Leslie being more dismissive or sarcastic about László's ideas, which would heighten the stakes of the presentation.
  • Add more sensory details to the descriptions of the model and materials. For example, describe the feel of the marble or the sound of the light hitting the model to create a more immersive experience.
  • Incorporate more humor throughout the scene to balance the tension. This could involve more playful banter between characters or humorous observations about the situation.
  • Adjust the pacing by interspersing action or reactions between the technical dialogue. For instance, show characters leaning in closer to the model or exchanging glances to emphasize their engagement or skepticism.



Scene 30 - Struggling to Present
75 INT. GUEST HOUSE - MORNING 75
SFX: BANG, BANG, BANG at the door.

LÁSZLÓ and GORDON lie in the same bed, strung out. A needle
is still stuck in LÁSZLÓ’s arm. He unties his arm and rips
out the needle causing his arm to bleed all over the bed.

LÁSZLÓ
Shit.

SFX: BANG, BANG, BANG, again.

LÁSZLÓ shoots up in a panic. He looks over at GORDON.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Get up.

LÁSZLÓ pulls off a pillow case and wraps it around his elbow.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
(shouts)
Coming!


76 EXT. GUEST HOUSE DOOR - MOMENTS LATER 76
LESLIE stands there impatient. After a beat, LÁSZLÓ opens the
door.

LÁSZLÓ
Morning Leslie.

LESLIE WOODROW
Don’t tell me you’re just now
getting up?

LÁSZLÓ
Two minutes, and I am ready.

LESLIE WOODROW
I’ll give you three if you use it
to rinse off.

LÁSZLÓ
Three.

LESLIE WOODROW
Let me inside so I can get the
model on the truck.

77 INT. MAYOR KINNEY’S OFFICE - AFTERNOON 77
LÁSZLÓ, LESLIE, and GORDON clumsily carry in the oversized
model before MAYOR KINNEY, HARRY LEE and a group of other
LOCAL OFFICIALS.

HARRY LEE
The Mayor hasn’t got all day,
Leslie.

MAYOR KINNEY
We’re fine, Harry! Will your father
be joining us, as well?

Turns to MAYOR KINNEY...

HARRY LEE
He’s overseas on business but he
sends his regards. This is a
project he’s very passionate about,
and a priority for us. He asked if
he could telephone you to talk
through it all tomorrow - at your
convenience, of course?

MAYOR KINNEY
Well, sure, Sylvia in my office can
set for just about any time
tomorrow afternoon.

HARRY LEE
It will have to be in the morning
due to the time difference.

MAYOR KINNEY
(sycophantic)
Morning then is fine- just fine.

HARRY LEE and LESLIE are doing most of the talking, trying to
cover for LÁSZLÓ and GORDON’s bad state.

HARRY LEE
They only need two minutes to set
this all up.

LESLIE WOODROW
We’ll get this set down and start
right away for ya.

The three men set the model on the table and it sadly bends
down over the sides.

LESLIE WOODROW (CONT'D)
You got a stool or something they
can use to extend?

MAYOR KINNEY
No.

LESLIE WOODROW
All right, then we’ll go ahead and
get started.

A small figurine falls from the base of the model. LÁSZLÓ
bends to the ground, sweating and catching his breath.

LÁSZLÓ
Apologies...

He puts the figurine back in place, uncharacteristically
loose-limbed.

MAYOR KINNEY
(re: model)
This is- different.

HARRY LEE
Very modern, yes.

MAYOR KINNEY
All right, well, walk us through
what you have in mind.

LÁSZLÓ exhales, pulls himself together.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, LÁSZLÓ and GORDON wake up in a guest house, both affected by drug use. As LÁSZLÓ panics over a knock at the door, he quickly tries to clean himself up for an important meeting with LESLIE WOODROW. The scene shifts to MAYOR KINNEY's office, where LÁSZLÓ, GORDON, and LESLIE awkwardly present an oversized model for a project. HARRY LEE takes charge, attempting to cover for LÁSZLÓ and GORDON's disheveled appearance. The scene highlights LÁSZLÓ's struggle to maintain composure as he prepares to explain the project, setting a chaotic tone that reflects their ongoing battle with addiction.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • High-stakes setup
  • Effective plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Lack of visual representation of characters' state
  • Limited emotional depth in dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively conveys tension and anxiety through the characters' actions and dialogue, setting up a high-stakes situation. However, the execution could be improved by enhancing the visual representation of the characters' state.


Story Content

Concept: 7.5

The concept of the scene, focusing on the aftermath of drug use and a crucial meeting, is engaging and sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is well-structured, moving the story forward by setting up a significant meeting and potential conflicts. It effectively engages the audience.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of addiction and professional responsibility, portraying characters in a raw and unfiltered light. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters' actions and dialogue effectively convey tension and anxiety, setting up potential conflicts and character development. However, more depth could be added to the characters' emotional states.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their behavior and interactions, setting up potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal in this scene is to hide his drug use and present himself as capable and reliable despite his addiction. This reflects his deeper fear of being judged or rejected for his struggles.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to successfully present the model to Mayor Kinney and local officials, despite his physical and mental state. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining his professional reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing internal and external challenges that could impact the outcome of the meeting.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as characters face obstacles and challenges that threaten their goals and relationships. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing the consequences of their actions and the outcome of the meeting potentially impacting their future.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up a crucial meeting and potential conflicts that could impact the characters' trajectories.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' erratic behavior and the unexpected challenges they face in presenting the model to Mayor Kinney.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between appearance and reality, as characters struggle to maintain a facade of competence while dealing with personal struggles. This challenges László's beliefs about self-worth and societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with the characters' struggles and the high-stakes nature of the meeting evoking concern and tension.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tense atmosphere and sets up the high-stakes meeting. It could be further enhanced by adding more emotional depth to the characters' interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional stakes and the characters' compelling struggles. The sense of urgency and conflict keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene is clear and concise, with effective use of scene headings and action lines to guide the reader through the unfolding events.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and tension with the banging on the door and László's frantic actions. However, the transition from the guest house to Mayor Kinney's office feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • László's character is portrayed as vulnerable and strung out, which adds depth to his situation. However, the dialogue lacks emotional weight. The interactions with Leslie and the officials could benefit from more subtext, revealing László's internal struggle and the stakes of the meeting.
  • The physicality of the scene is strong, particularly with László's actions of removing the needle and wrapping his arm. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. For instance, Leslie's impatience could be expressed through more varied language or actions, rather than just stating he will give László three minutes.
  • The introduction of the oversized model is a clever visual element that symbolizes László's burden. However, the model's bending could be used more symbolically to reflect László's own precarious state. This could be emphasized through dialogue or internal monologue.
  • The dialogue between Harry Lee and Mayor Kinney feels somewhat formulaic and lacks a unique voice. Each character should have distinct speech patterns or quirks that reflect their personalities and relationships, making the scene more engaging.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for László as he prepares to face the officials, which could provide insight into his emotional state and heighten the tension.
  • Enhance the dialogue to include more subtext, allowing characters to imply their true feelings or motivations rather than stating them outright. This will create a richer interaction.
  • Introduce a moment where László reflects on the significance of the meeting or the model, perhaps through a flashback or a brief memory, to deepen the emotional stakes.
  • Use the physicality of the model more symbolically. For example, as it bends, László could have a moment of panic or self-doubt that mirrors the model's instability.
  • Give each character a unique way of speaking or a catchphrase that reflects their personality, which will help differentiate them and make the dialogue more memorable.



Scene 31 - Building Trust: László's Vision for the Community
78 INT. TOWN HALL - EVENING 78
LÁSZLÓ, in formal dress, makes a speech in front of a
scattered audience. Forty or so townspeople are in
attendance.

LÁSZLÓ
Construction phase alone will
create upwards of eighty local
jobs. Carpenters, painters- upwards
of one hundred and fifty upon
completion, at which point, the
facilities will need to be
permanently staffed.

A TOWNSPERSON interjects...

TOWNSPERSON (O.S.)
(calls out)
When are you going to answer the
questions in the box?

LÁSZLÓ pauses, thinks, chooses his words carefully so as not
to offend. He spots VAN BUREN in the crowd. VAN BUREN nods,
encouragingly.

LÁSZLÓ
Yes, I- I would like also to
address some of the written
concerns and comments which were
submitted to us anonymously ahead
of tonight’s discussion; questions
probing my personal background,
heritage, and ideological
persuasion, if you will.

LÁSZLÓ clears his throat.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
As a foreign person and newcomer to
Doylestown, I have observed your
community with a great interest.
Your town is not dissimilar to the
one where I myself was raised. Your
Christian church, not so different
from the temple of my youth. I see
your St. Anthony’s decaying facade.
Your school’s gymnasium too slight
for the size of its student body. I
see a community in need and this is
my only persuasion of relevance...
Mr. Van Buren, a generous patron
and practicing Protestant, and I-
will build a place where you will
be drawn to congregate and inspired
to worship. You may rest assured
that we will honor the traditions
of Doylestown long established
before I ever set foot here.

LÁSZLÓ pours himself a glass of water, takes a deliberate
sip.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
I am determined to know and draw
from your history and kneel upon
its shoulders. Where does the
structural fabric of a building
appear with greater clarity than in
the buildings of one’s forefathers?
To know and understand its nature,
I have analyzed the purposes for
which we build. I have examined
every function which appears and
determined its character. I have
made its character the basis for my
conception. I see the spiritual and
intellectual environment of your
town; The Margaret Lee Van Buren
Center for Creation and Activity,
will be its manifestation; a new
landmark. A landmark which
proclaims not only “I am new,” but,
“I am part of the new whole.”

A SECOND TOWNSPERSON speaks up...

TOWNSPERSON 2
Excuse me, Mr...?

LÁSZLÓ
Toth.

TOWNSPERSON 2
Mr. Toth, none of us here are
familiar with this type of model.
Can you take us through your plans
for the Recreation Center in
Layman’s terms? And yes; we are all
keen to see what you have in mind
for the chapel, especially.

LÁSZLÓ
I’ve had discussions with your
Father Graham which informed for me
the floor plan...

LÁSZLÓ looks at GORDON and LESLIE.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Can you pass me the flashlight?

GORDON has it at the ready. LÁSZLÓ moves the piece of model
to an overhead projector and demonstrates.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Here, we have the chapel interior.
A space suitable for 115 persons.
At dawn...

LÁSZLÓ shines the flashlight through the southeast facing
glass which casts a long Sign of the Cross onto the stark
marble altar piece.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
At sunset...

LÁSZLÓ shines a light down through the slits lined with
copper creating an enchanting glow. The audience is audibly
impressed.

PUSH IN ON VAN BUREN who is situated in the very back of the
room like a proud parent.

CUE: The score booms and swells... Tympany patterns.


79 79
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a town hall meeting, László, the project leader, addresses a skeptical audience about a new construction project, emphasizing job opportunities and his commitment to the community's traditions. He responds to concerns about his background and clarifies plans for the Margaret Lee Van Buren Center for Creation and Activity. Using an overhead projector, he impresses the townspeople with a visual demonstration of the chapel's design, showcasing the interplay of light on the altar. The scene concludes with the audience visibly moved and intrigued by László's vision.
Strengths
  • Strong thematic elements
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Compelling character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Moderate conflict level
  • Limited character development for secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys László's passion for architecture and community development, setting the stage for future plot developments and character growth.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene revolves around László's vision for the recreation center, blending historical references with modern design elements to create a meaningful and impactful architectural project.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on László's presentation of his architectural model, setting up conflicts with the townspeople's questions and showcasing his ability to address concerns while staying true to his vision.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the conflict between tradition and progress, with nuanced character interactions and thematic depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly László and Van Buren, are well-developed and contribute to the thematic depth of the scene through their interactions and reactions.

Character Changes: 7

László undergoes a subtle change in the scene, from nervousness at the start to confidence and conviction in presenting his architectural model.

Internal Goal: 8

LÁSZLÓ's internal goal is to gain acceptance and trust from the townspeople despite being a newcomer. This reflects his deeper desire to be a part of the community and make a positive impact.

External Goal: 9

LÁSZLÓ's external goal is to present his plans for the construction project and address the concerns of the townspeople. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in gaining approval for the project.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there are moments of tension and questioning from the townspeople, the overall conflict level is moderate, with László effectively addressing concerns and showcasing his expertise.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the townspeople challenging LÁSZLÓ's plans and beliefs, creating conflict and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, as László's reputation and the success of the recreation center project are on the line, but there is room for growth and development.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key architectural project, showcasing László's expertise, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions from the townspeople and the shifting dynamics between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between tradition and progress. LÁSZLÓ's modern approach to construction clashes with the townspeople's traditional values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, particularly in László's passionate speech and the townspeople's reactions to his architectural vision.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and informative, providing insight into László's background, motivations, and design philosophy while addressing the townspeople's questions effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the high stakes of the construction project, and the emotional depth of LÁSZLÓ's speech.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with well-timed pauses and dramatic reveals.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy sequence in a screenplay, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes László's character as a passionate architect who is deeply invested in the community's needs. However, the dialogue can feel overly formal and verbose, which may distance the audience from László's emotional connection to the project. Simplifying some of the language could enhance relatability.
  • The interjection from the townspeople adds a layer of realism and engagement, but the responses from László could benefit from more emotional weight. While he addresses their concerns, his tone remains somewhat detached. Infusing more personal anecdotes or emotional appeals could strengthen his connection with the audience.
  • The use of the overhead projector to demonstrate the chapel's design is a strong visual element, but the transition to this moment feels abrupt. A smoother lead-in to this demonstration could enhance the flow of the scene. Perhaps László could build anticipation by discussing the significance of the chapel before revealing the model.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven, particularly with the shift from László's speech to the townspeople's questions. The dialogue could be tightened to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged. Consider reducing the length of László's initial speech to allow for more back-and-forth interaction.
  • The emotional tone shifts from serious to somewhat triumphant with the audience's impressed reactions, but this could be further emphasized. Adding more descriptive actions or reactions from the townspeople could enhance the impact of László's presentation and create a more dynamic atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Revise László's dialogue to be more concise and relatable, focusing on key points that resonate emotionally with the audience.
  • Incorporate personal anecdotes or emotional appeals in László's responses to the townspeople's concerns to create a stronger connection.
  • Smooth the transition to the overhead projector demonstration by introducing the significance of the chapel design beforehand.
  • Tighten the pacing of the scene by reducing the length of László's initial speech and allowing for more interactive dialogue with the townspeople.
  • Enhance the emotional tone by adding more descriptive actions or reactions from the audience during László's presentation to create a more dynamic atmosphere.



Scene 32 - Echoes of Love
EXT. LUMBER YARD/ STEEL MANUFACTURER/ MARBLE QUARRY - VARIOUS
TIMES OF DAY

Materials for the construction of the The Margaret Lee Van
Buren Center for Creation and Activity are prepared around
the globe.

A SERIES OF ANGLES -

- Over dramatic vistas, the sun sets.

- Steel is fabricated.

- Wood is cut and piled.

- Concrete is mixed.

- Chunks of marble are crudely sawn off in titanic fragments.

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
(in HUNGARIAN)
László! It has taken some months to
obtain the items which Mr. Hoffman
requested since receiving your
letter. I was at first at a loss
but suddenly thought to contact our
upstairs neighbor in Buda, Mrs.
Horváth! She was able to provide me
with several family photographs
that clearly picture you, myself,
and Zsófia with her mother on our
wedding day!
(MORE)

ERZSÉBET (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The poor dear thought us dead all
these years so had kept them on her
mantle in memoriam. Zsófia could
have only been thirteen years of
age at the time but her face and
expression are unmistakable. I have
included all but one in case this
letter does not reach you. I will
keep it near my breast, our family
tree against my heart. László, does
this mean we might meet again soon?
Yours,
Erzsébet

The final image in the montage is a photograph of LÁSZLÓ and
ERZSÉBET’s wedding day. Their entire family is present. They
look beautiful and happy, frozen in time.




FADE IN TITLE:

INTERMISSION
5:00 - 0:00


A yearning, nostalgic piece for piano plays over the
photograph as a timer counts down from five minutes.

INSERT TITLE
OVER BLACK:


PART TWO
THE HARD CORE OF BEAUTY
1953-1960
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a montage showcasing global locations where materials for The Margaret Lee Van Buren Center for Creation and Activity are being prepared, Erzsébet's voiceover reflects on her longing for László and their daughter Zsófia. As she recalls their wedding day and her efforts to gather family photographs, the scene captures a blend of nostalgia and hope. The emotional tension culminates in a poignant wedding photograph, set against the backdrop of dramatic vistas and accompanied by a nostalgic piano piece, leaving Erzsébet's yearning unresolved as the title 'INTERMISSION' appears.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Plot progression
  • Nostalgic tone
  • Construction project anticipation
Weaknesses
  • Moderate conflict level
  • Some scenes may feel disjointed due to multiple locations and time shifts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines emotional depth, character development, and plot progression, setting the stage for future events while evoking strong sentiments and showcasing the construction process.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on László's emotional journey, the construction project, and the unveiling of his past through Erzsébet's letter, is engaging and well-developed.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is rich in detail, moving the story forward by introducing new challenges, relationships, and developments. It sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of lost connections and reunions, weaving together personal relationships with a global construction project. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, especially László and Erzsébet, are well-rounded and undergo emotional growth. Their interactions and reactions add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

László undergoes significant emotional growth and reflection in the scene, deepening his character arc and setting the stage for further development. The interactions with Erzsébet and the construction project also contribute to character changes.

Internal Goal: 8

Erzsébet's internal goal in this scene is to reconnect with László, expressing her longing for a potential reunion and hinting at unresolved emotions from their past.

External Goal: 7

Erzsébet's external goal is to deliver the family photographs and letter to László, potentially paving the way for a reunion.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there are underlying tensions and challenges in the scene, the conflict level is moderate, focusing more on emotional and internal struggles rather than external confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, adding depth to the characters' motivations and actions.

High Stakes: 8

While the stakes are not overtly high in the scene, there is a sense of emotional and personal investment for the characters, especially László, Erzsébet, and the construction project. The outcomes have significant implications for their lives.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new plot elements, relationships, and challenges. It sets the stage for future events while maintaining a sense of progression and anticipation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unresolved tension between the characters, the unknown outcome of their potential reunion, and the emotional complexity of their relationship.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of memory, loss, and the passage of time. Erzsébet's letter and the family photographs evoke a sense of nostalgia and longing, challenging the characters' beliefs about the possibility of reconnecting after years of separation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, gratitude, empathy, and hope. The characters' struggles and relationships resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional connection.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and reflective, capturing the emotional nuances of the characters. It effectively conveys their thoughts, feelings, and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, rich imagery, and the mystery surrounding the characters' past and potential future interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, allowing for moments of reflection and connection between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character dialogue, and visual cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively transitions between different locations and time periods, setting up the emotional and thematic elements of the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively utilizes a montage format to convey the global preparation of materials for the construction project, which visually represents the scale and ambition of the Margaret Lee Van Buren Center. However, the transitions between the various locations could be more fluid to enhance the narrative flow. Currently, the abrupt shifts may disorient the audience.
  • Erzsébet's voiceover adds a personal touch to the montage, grounding the visuals in emotional context. However, the voiceover could benefit from more vivid imagery or specific anecdotes that evoke stronger emotional responses. For instance, describing the significance of the photographs or the memories associated with them could deepen the audience's connection to the characters.
  • The use of Hungarian in Erzsébet's voiceover adds authenticity, but it may alienate viewers who do not understand the language. Including subtitles or a brief translation could help maintain engagement without losing the cultural nuance.
  • The final image of the wedding photograph is a poignant conclusion to the montage, but it could be enhanced by a more dramatic reveal. Consider building up to this moment with a gradual focus on the photograph, perhaps through a close-up that captures the details of the faces and expressions, allowing the audience to linger on the emotional weight of the image.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief visual or auditory cue that transitions the audience from the montage back to the narrative, such as a sound that signifies the end of the montage or a visual element that connects to the next scene.
  • Enhance Erzsébet's voiceover by incorporating more sensory details or emotional reflections about the photographs, which could create a stronger emotional resonance with the audience.
  • If the scene is meant to evoke nostalgia, consider using a filter or color grading that gives the montage a slightly vintage feel, enhancing the emotional impact of the memories being shared.
  • To improve clarity for non-Hungarian speakers, consider adding subtitles for Erzsébet's voiceover, ensuring that the emotional weight of her words is accessible to all viewers.



Scene 33 - A Heartfelt Reunion at 30th Street Station
80 EXT. 30TH STREET STATION PLATFORM - MORNING 80
LÁSZLÓ, MICHAEL and MICHELLE HOFFMAN, and MAGGIE LEE wait
with flowers and balloons at the end of the platform.

LÁSZLÓ is visibly nervous. He’s dressed up and shaved clean.

MICHELLE HOFFMAN
Right or left?

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
On the right.

MICHELLE HOFFMAN
Could they have walked past us?

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
My associate in New York confirmed
they made it on.

MAGGIE LEE
(points)
There at the end, some passengers
are still coming off.

LÁSZLÓ
I see Zsófia.

He shouts and starts to move. We track left.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
(shouting)
Zsófia!

MEDIUM ON -

TWO PASSENGERS awkwardly lift ERZSÉBET’s wheelchair down and
over the train steps.

PASSENGER
You got her?

The PASSENGER on the left nods.

ERZSÉBET
Thank you, gentlemen. We’ll send
someone for the luggage. Thank you.

LÁSZLÓ (O.S.)
(shouting from some
distance)
Zsófia!

CLOSE ON -

ZSÓFIA, a transcendent beauty, scans the platform and begins
pushing ERZSÉBET in a wheelchair along the platform.

WE TRACK RIGHT with ERZSÉBET in profile who begins to cry at
the sound of LÁSZLÓ’s voice. She’s older than the wedding
photo seen prior. Her face is agonized and gaunt but her
expression betrays some optimism.

TRACK LEFT with LÁSZLÓ as his brow furrows with concern. THE
CAMERA CONTINUES TO SWING LEFT with LÁSZLÓ until they share
the frame. He bends to his wife.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
(Hungarian)
What’s happened?

ERZSÉBET smiles through her tears.

ERZSÉBET
(Hungarian)
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.

LÁSZLÓ
(Hungarian)
What happened?

ERZSÉBET
(Hungarian)
It might not be permanent-

LÁSZLÓ
(Hungarian)
Someone hurt you?

She cries, shakes her head.

ERZSÉBET
(Hungarian)
It’s osteoporosis from the famine-

He embraces her madly, kisses her, weeps.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
(cries)
I can dye my hair. I know it’s
ugly.

LÁSZLÓ
Shh.

ERZSÉBET
(Hungarian)
Where’s Attila?

He switches to English.

LÁSZLÓ
I didn’t want him to be
disappointed if for any reason you
were delayed.

He looks up at ZSÓFIA and bounces up to embrace her.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
(Hungarian)
Zsófia, dear.

He reverts again to English.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Welcome to America.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary At the 30th Street Station platform, László, Michael, Michelle, and Maggie anxiously await the arrival of Zsófia and Erzsébet. László's nerves are palpable as he calls out for Zsófia upon spotting her. Erzsébet, wheeled off the train, expresses gratitude to those who assisted her. In an emotional reunion, she reveals her struggles with osteoporosis due to famine, and László comforts her with reassurances. The scene culminates in a tender embrace, as László introduces Zsófia and warmly welcomes her to America, blending anxiety with hope and familial love.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Pacing
Weaknesses
  • Potential for melodrama
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally charged, well-paced, and crucial for character development and plot progression. It effectively conveys the love and concern between LÁSZLÓ and ERZSÉBET, setting up future conflicts and resolutions.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of reuniting a couple after a long separation due to health issues is poignant and relatable. It adds layers to the characters and drives the emotional core of the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly through the reunion of LÁSZLÓ and ERZSÉBET, setting up future conflicts and resolutions related to ERZSÉBET's health condition and their relationship dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique cultural elements, emotional depth, and complex character dynamics. The dialogue feels authentic and raw, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of LÁSZLÓ and ERZSÉBET are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their love, concern, and resilience in the face of challenges. Their emotional depth and interactions drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 9

Both LÁSZLÓ and ERZSÉBET undergo emotional changes in the scene, deepening their bond and highlighting their resilience in the face of adversity. Their reunion marks a significant moment of growth for both characters.

Internal Goal: 9

László's internal goal is to understand and comfort his wife, Erzsébet, who is visibly upset. This reflects his deeper need for connection and support in the face of difficult news.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to welcome Zsófia to America and ensure a smooth transition for her. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, revolving around ERZSÉBET's health condition and the challenges it poses for her and LÁSZLÓ. The emotional conflict drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the unexpected news about Erzsébet's health, creating a challenge for László and the other characters. The audience is left wondering how they will navigate this new obstacle.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene due to ERZSÉBET's health condition and the impact it has on her and LÁSZLÓ's relationship. The outcome of their reunion and the challenges they face have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and dynamics in LÁSZLÓ and ERZSÉBET's relationship. It sets the stage for future developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected news about Erzsébet's health and the emotional reactions of the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of love, acceptance, and dealing with unexpected challenges. It challenges László's beliefs about strength and resilience in the face of adversity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of love, sadness, and hope in the audience. The reunion between LÁSZLÓ and ERZSÉBET is deeply moving and resonates with the viewers.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and concerns of the characters, adding depth to their relationship and setting up future conflicts. The mix of Hungarian and English dialogue adds authenticity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, cultural elements, and complex character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for moments of reflection and connection between the characters. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted appropriately, enhancing readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and emotional beats. It effectively conveys the tension and emotional depth of the situation.


Critique
  • The emotional weight of the scene is palpable, effectively capturing the tension and anticipation of László as he awaits the arrival of Erzsébet and Zsófia. The use of Hungarian dialogue adds authenticity and depth to their relationship, enhancing the emotional stakes.
  • The contrast between László's nervousness and Erzsébet's frailty is well-executed, showcasing the impact of their past struggles and the toll of time and hardship on their relationship. This dynamic creates a poignant moment that resonates with the audience.
  • The visual tracking shots are effective in guiding the viewer's attention and building suspense as László searches for his family. However, the scene could benefit from more varied shot compositions to enhance the emotional impact and avoid a static feel.
  • The dialogue is heartfelt and conveys the characters' emotions well, but some lines could be tightened for clarity. For instance, Erzsébet's line about her appearance could be more concise to maintain the scene's emotional flow.
  • The introduction of Zsófia as a 'transcendent beauty' is intriguing, but the scene could delve deeper into her emotional state and relationship with László. A brief moment of connection or acknowledgment between them could enhance the familial bond and add layers to their reunion.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating more visual variety in the shots, such as close-ups of László's anxious expressions or wider shots that capture the bustling station atmosphere, to create a more dynamic scene.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing any redundant phrases, particularly in Erzsébet's lines, to maintain the emotional momentum and keep the audience engaged.
  • Add a brief moment of interaction between László and Zsófia before they embrace, allowing for a deeper exploration of their relationship and the emotional weight of their reunion.
  • Explore the use of sound design to enhance the emotional atmosphere, such as the background noise of the train station fading as László and Erzsébet connect, emphasizing their moment amidst the chaos.
  • Consider adding a visual motif or symbol that represents their past struggles, such as a lingering shot of the flowers or balloons, to reinforce the themes of hope and resilience in their reunion.



Scene 34 - Tensions at the Dinner Table
81 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - DINING ROOM - LATER 81
LÁSZLÓ, MICHAEL and MICHELLE HOFFMAN, MAGGIE LEE, and HARRY
LEE all take their seats around VAN BUREN who settles at the
head of the table. ERZSÉBET and ZSÓFIA hold court. Everyone
appears rightfully enchanted.

VAN BUREN
How wonderful it is to finally make
your acquaintance!
(MORE)

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I admit there was a period of time
when we thought he had made you up!
Isn’t it fascinating to meet the
significant others of great artists
and thinkers?

ERZSÉBET
Thank you for taking care of my
László.

VAN BUREN
As persons of unique privilege, I
have always thought that it is our
duty to nurture the defining
talents of our epoch. I possess no
such talent whatsoever! Truth be
told, I am terribly emulous of
individuals like him.

ERZSÉBET
That mustn’t be true, Mr. Van
Buren. It seems you’ve done quite
all right for yourself.

HARRY LEE
Father is digging for compliments.
Don’t indulge him.

Beat.

ERZSÉBET
The property is beautiful.

MAGGIE LEE
Isn’t it?

VAN BUREN
Erzsébet- pardon me, am I
pronouncing that correctly?

ERZSÉBET
Oh, that’s fine, just fine. Feel
free to call me Elizabeth if you
prefer it.

VAN BUREN
Your English is impressive.

ERZSÉBET
Thank you. I attended University in
England!

VAN BUREN
Where?

ERZSÉBET
Oxford to study English. I returned
home for Communications.

VAN BUREN
Did you do anything with it?

ERZSÉBET
Oh yes. I wrote for a popular
national paper at home; Magyar
Nemzet.

VAN BUREN
A journalist?

HARRY LEE
Cultural?

ERZSÉBET
Foreign affairs.

ERZSÉBET turns to LÁSZLÓ.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
Haven’t you told them anything
about me?

ERZSÉBET sees that LÁSZLÓ doesn’t appreciate the joke.

CLOSE ON -

She squeezes LÁSZLÓ’s hand.

BACK TO -

VAN BUREN
Perhaps you can help your poor
husband to sound less like he
shines shoes for a wage.

She smiles but doesn’t like the joke.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
(to LÁSZLÓ)
How long have you been here now?
Four or five years, László?! No
more excuses.

VAN BUREN flips a small coin at LÁSZLÓ which LÁSZLÓ dodges.
VAN BUREN laughs.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
All right, I got carried away! Pass
that back to me, will you?

LÁSZLÓ passes it back. VAN BUREN holds it up demonstratively.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
A penny saved...

HARRY LEE addresses ZSÓFIA.

HARRY LEE
Sofia, is it?

LÁSZLÓ
(corrects)
Zsófia.

HARRY LEE
(pointedly)
Zs-ófia... Are you planning for
school?

No response. A palpable awkwardness washes over the room.
ERZSÉBET finally interjects...

ERZSÉBET
She is, yes, but we haven’t
explored her options.

HARRY LEE
Does she understand English?

ERZSÉBET
Oh yes. She understands very well.

ERZSÉBET chooses not to elaborate. They eat in silence.

VAN BUREN
(smiles)
“The woman behind the man.”
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary At the Van Buren estate dining room, a gathering of friends and family takes a turn as Harry Lee's probing questions about Zsófia's education create an uncomfortable silence. While Van Buren attempts to maintain a light atmosphere with compliments and jokes about László, Erzsébet defends her daughter, revealing underlying tensions. The scene blends charm with awkwardness, culminating in Van Buren's light-hearted remark about women's roles, which fails to fully dispel the tension.
Strengths
  • Well-developed characters
  • Effective dialogue
  • Cultural exploration
  • Engaging interactions
Weaknesses
  • Subtle conflict
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of drama and romance through the interactions of the characters, creating a mix of formal and light-hearted tones. The dialogue and character dynamics add depth to the scene, making it engaging and memorable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of bringing together characters from different backgrounds in a formal dinner setting is intriguing and adds depth to the overall narrative. The exploration of cultural differences and communication challenges enriches the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character introductions, cultural exchanges, and hints at potential conflicts and resolutions. It moves the story forward by deepening character relationships and setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and authentic interactions between characters, offering a unique perspective on social privilege and talent. The dialogue feels natural and realistic, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each with distinct personalities and backgrounds. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 7

There are subtle character changes in the scene, particularly in the way characters interact and perceive each other. The cultural exchange and communication challenges contribute to character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the social dynamics of the dinner party and maintain a sense of dignity and respect in the face of subtle insults and awkward moments.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to represent themselves and their family well in front of the esteemed guests and to handle the awkward questions and comments with grace.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is subtle, mainly revolving around cultural differences, language barriers, and potential misunderstandings. It adds tension to the interactions but is not the central focus.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with subtle conflicts and power struggles between the characters. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate the social dynamics and handle the awkward moments.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character interactions, cultural exchanges, and relationship dynamics. While there are hints of conflicts and resolutions, the immediate consequences are not high.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new characters, deepening relationships, and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions. It adds layers to the narrative and hints at future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle power dynamics and shifting tensions between the characters. The audience is kept on their toes as they navigate the social interactions and underlying conflicts.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of privilege, talent, and social status. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about success, self-worth, and the expectations placed on individuals of unique privilege.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily through the tender moments between characters and the hints at deeper connections and conflicts. It evokes empathy and curiosity about the characters' backgrounds.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the formal and awkward interactions between characters, adding humor and depth to the conversations. It reflects the cultural differences and language barriers present in the setting.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, subtle humor, and underlying tensions between the characters. The interactions feel authentic and draw the audience into the social dynamics of the dinner party.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics. The rhythm of the dialogue and interactions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, with clear character cues and scene descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dinner party setting, with characters seated around a table engaging in conversation. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and revealing character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a social dynamic among the characters, particularly highlighting the tension between Erzsébet and Van Buren. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, especially when Erzsébet recounts her background. This could be streamlined to maintain a natural flow while still conveying necessary information.
  • The humor in Van Buren's character comes off as slightly forced, particularly with the joke about László shining shoes. While it aims to lighten the mood, it risks undermining the seriousness of László's struggles and the overall tone of the scene. The humor should feel more organic to the characters' relationships.
  • The introduction of Zsófia is somewhat abrupt, and her character lacks depth in this scene. The awkwardness surrounding her educational plans could be explored further to enhance the emotional stakes and provide insight into her character's aspirations and fears.
  • The scene's pacing slows down during the dialogue-heavy sections, which could benefit from more visual action or reactions from the characters to break up the dialogue and maintain engagement. For instance, incorporating small gestures or expressions could add layers to the interactions.
  • The ending line about 'the woman behind the man' feels clichéd and could be perceived as diminishing Erzsébet's agency. It would be more impactful if the scene concluded with a moment that emphasizes her strength or individuality, rather than reinforcing traditional gender roles.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate any unnecessary exposition. Instead of Erzsébet detailing her background, perhaps have her share a brief anecdote that illustrates her experience, allowing the audience to infer her qualifications.
  • Revise Van Buren's humor to be more subtle and character-driven. Instead of a direct joke about László, perhaps he could make a light-hearted comment about the food or the setting that feels more in line with the social context.
  • Develop Zsófia's character further by giving her a line or two that expresses her feelings about school or her new life in America. This could help the audience connect with her and understand her perspective.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or reactions during the dialogue to enhance the pacing. For example, characters could be seen serving food, adjusting their seats, or exchanging glances that convey their feelings about the conversation.
  • Rework the final line to reflect Erzsébet's strength or independence. Instead of a clichéd remark, consider ending with a moment that showcases her confidence or a subtle defiance against traditional roles, reinforcing her character's complexity.



Scene 35 - Tender Tensions
82 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - FOYER - LATER 82
LÁSZLÓ pushes ERZSÉBET to the front door. As they are about
to leave, VAN BUREN halts their exit.

VAN BUREN
László, may I have a word?

ZSÓFIA takes over for LÁSZLÓ and pushes ERZSÉBET out the
door. The two men meet at the room’s most central point.

LÁSZLÓ
Yes, sir?

VAN BUREN
On Leslie’s recommendation, we
shared your plans with another
architect. Just to get a second
opinion - for safety reasons, as
well.

LÁSZLÓ
Who?

VAN BUREN
Someone we worked with on the
department store downtown. I forget
his name.

VAN BUREN passes him a file.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Listen, they’re just little
adjustments, here and there. Places
they thought we could save a penny.

LÁSZLÓ
Leslie is a bastard.

VAN BUREN
He is. That’s what we pay him for.


83 INT. GUEST HOUSE - HALLWAY/ ZSÓFIA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT 83
LÁSZLÓ takes ZSÓFIA down a corridor and opens the door
revealing a rather childish arrangement he’s made on the bed.

LÁSZLÓ
(Hungarian)
I’m sorry. I remembered you as a
little girl.

ZSÓFIA touches his face and shoulder to comfort him and steps
inside.

LÁSZLÓ references a small framed picture of a woman.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
(Hungarian)
Look at your mother. My sister was
beautiful, wasn’t she? Even while
she was ill, she was so beautiful.

ZSÓFIA nods.


84 INT. GUEST HOUSE CORRIDOR - LATER 84
LÁSZLÓ rolls ERZSÉBET down the hall to their room. Inside, he
can heard struggling to lift her into bed.

LÁSZLÓ (O.S.)
1, 2, 3-

She laughs adoringly.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this scene, László is confronted by Van Buren regarding adjustments to his architectural plans, stemming from a second opinion recommended by Leslie, whom László despises. After the discussion, László takes Zsófia to her bedroom, reflecting on her mother's beauty and showing a softer side. The scene concludes with a light-hearted moment as László struggles to lift Erzsébet into bed, eliciting laughter and showcasing the emotional blend of tension and tenderness.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intimate character interactions
  • Reflective tone
Weaknesses
  • Low external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys emotional depth through the reunion of László with his family members, exploring themes of family bonds and regret. The intimate setting and reflective tone enhance the impact of the interactions, making it a poignant and memorable moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reuniting family members and reflecting on the past is well-executed in the scene, providing depth to the characters and advancing their relationships. The exploration of themes like memory and regret adds layers to the narrative, making it a compelling moment in the story.

Plot: 8

The scene contributes to the overall plot by deepening the emotional connections between characters and revealing important backstory elements. It advances the character development and sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions, making it a pivotal moment in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the conflict between artistic vision and commercial interests, with complex characters and authentic dialogue. The interactions feel genuine and add depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses on the emotional journey of László and his family members, showcasing their vulnerabilities, regrets, and bonds. The characters are well-developed, with nuanced personalities and motivations that drive the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases emotional growth and reflection for László and his family members, deepening their relationships and revealing new layers of their personalities. The characters undergo significant emotional changes, leading to a deeper understanding of their motivations and struggles.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his integrity and creative vision in the face of external pressure and manipulation. This reflects his deeper need for autonomy and artistic expression.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to navigate the challenges presented by Van Buren and Leslie's interference in his architectural plans. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his professional life and the obstacles he must overcome.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is emotional tension and regret in the scene, the conflict is more internal and reflective, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and relationships. The conflict adds depth to the emotional dynamics but is not overtly dramatic.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 4

While the emotional stakes are high for the characters in terms of family bonds and personal regrets, the external stakes are relatively low in this scene. The focus is more on internal conflicts and relationships rather than external threats or challenges.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional connections between characters, revealing important backstory details, and setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions. It advances the character development and adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and emotional revelations between characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between artistic integrity and commercial interests. László's commitment to his creative vision clashes with Van Buren's focus on cost-saving measures and practicality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, adoration, and regret through the characters' interactions and gestures. The emotional depth and intimacy of the reunion and reflection resonate with the audience, creating a memorable and touching moment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and reflective, capturing the emotional depth of the characters' interactions. The conversations reveal important backstory details and deepen the audience's understanding of the characters' relationships and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the interpersonal dynamics between characters, the emotional depth of their interactions, and the underlying tension of conflicting goals.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, with a balance of dialogue and action to keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to expected formatting standards, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the action forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between László and Van Buren, showcasing the power dynamics at play. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, László's disdain for Leslie could be expressed through more nuanced language or actions, rather than a straightforward insult. This would deepen the conflict and provide insight into László's character.
  • The transition from the conversation with Van Buren to the more intimate moment with Zsófia feels abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the professional tension with familial warmth, the shift could be smoother. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or hesitation from László before he moves on to Zsófia, emphasizing his emotional state.
  • The use of Hungarian dialogue adds authenticity and depth to László's character, but it may alienate some viewers who do not understand the language. Including subtitles or a brief translation could help maintain engagement without losing the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The scene's pacing is generally effective, but the laughter from Erzsébet feels slightly out of place given the preceding tension. It might be more impactful if her laughter is more subdued or if László's struggle to lift her is portrayed with more physicality, emphasizing the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The visual elements, such as the childish arrangement in Zsófia's room, are a nice touch that adds depth to László's character and his relationship with his daughter. However, more descriptive language could enhance the imagery and evoke stronger emotions in the audience.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue between László and Van Buren to heighten the tension and reveal deeper character motivations.
  • Smooth the transition between the professional conflict and the familial moment by adding a brief moment of reflection for László.
  • Consider adding subtitles or translations for the Hungarian dialogue to ensure all viewers can follow the emotional nuances.
  • Adjust Erzsébet's laughter to better fit the emotional tone of the scene, perhaps making it more subdued to reflect the underlying tension.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of Zsófia's room and the framed picture to create a more vivid and emotionally resonant atmosphere.



Scene 36 - A New Beginning
85 INT. GUEST HOUSE BEDROOM - LATER 85
ERZSÉBET and LÁSZLÓ lie catatonic in bed. It’s very dark.

ERZSÉBET
(Hungarian)
Are you angry?

Silence.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
László, are you angry with me?

He replies in English, petulant.

LÁSZLÓ
If you’d like to start a row with
me, I might as well work out my
English-

She replies in English.

ERZSÉBET
Stop it. Your English is perfectly
all right. It was an unimaginative
joke he made about you shining
shoes.

LÁSZLÓ
Tomorrow, I’ll take you to see
someone. A specialist.

ERZSÉBET
Don’t be angry with me.

LÁSZLÓ sulks..

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
Do you not want to be with me
anymore?

LÁSZLÓ
Stop this nonsense.

ERZSÉBET
Do you think I look older?

LÁSZLÓ
We are older.

ERZSÉBET
Can’t you say anything kind to me?

LÁSZLÓ
I love you, you cow.

ERZSÉBET smiles and kisses him.

ERZSÉBET
(Hungarian, whispers)
You can touch me.

LÁSZLÓ
I don’t want to hurt you-
physically.

ERZSÉBET
You won’t... I had dreams- every
night, I dreamt I was with you.

She touches him under the sheets.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
I know what you’ve done, László,
and it’s all right...

LÁSZLÓ
What are you talking about?

ERZSÉBET
(whispers)
László, I know. I know. I know
everything. You see, I became sick.
Very sick. I could hardly breathe.
I yearned to be with you and it
made me sick. I almost died.
Between life and death, I began
having fantasies about you but I
realized they were not fantasies at
all, but visions! I was with you.
All the time I was with you.

She licks her palm, jerks him off, whispers in his ear.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
László, I know what you’ve done.
I’m not jealous because I was with
you the all the time. I know
everything that has happened to
you, and I am here now and I will
never leave you.

LÁSZLÓ breaks down. His voice cracks in heaving sobs.

LÁSZLÓ
Oh god! MY LOVE. MY LOVE! I CANNOT
BEAR IT!

ERZSÉBET
You can. Shh... You can. We have a
new life. A new language. We can
start again.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a dimly lit guest house bedroom, Erzsébet and László confront their emotional turmoil. Erzsébet seeks reassurance about their relationship and her appearance, while László reveals his concern for her health and his intention to take her to a specialist. As they delve into their feelings, Erzsébet shares her awareness of László's past and her own struggles, leading to an emotional breakdown from him. Through tender gestures and heartfelt dialogue, they navigate their complex emotions, ultimately finding hope for a fresh start together.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intimate dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is beautifully crafted, evoking strong emotions and showcasing the complex dynamics between the characters. The dialogue is poignant and heartfelt, drawing the audience into the intimate moment shared between László and Erzsébet.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring love, forgiveness, and new beginnings in the face of sickness and aging is compelling and well-executed. The scene delves into the characters' innermost thoughts and feelings, adding layers of complexity to their relationship.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene focuses more on character development and emotional depth than plot progression, it serves as a pivotal moment in László and Erzsébet's relationship, setting the stage for their future together.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of love and betrayal, with a unique twist on the revelation of secrets and the complexities of relationships. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

László and Erzsébet are portrayed with depth and authenticity, showcasing their vulnerabilities, love, and struggles. The scene allows for significant character development and exploration of their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Both László and Erzsébet experience emotional growth and vulnerability in the scene, deepening their connection and paving the way for a new chapter in their relationship.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to seek reassurance and connection with László, despite their strained relationship. Erzsébet desires emotional intimacy and validation from László.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to address the issues in their relationship and potentially start anew. Erzsébet wants to confront László about his actions and rebuild their connection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional conflict and tension between László and Erzsébet, the scene focuses more on their internal struggles and relationship dynamics than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with emotional barriers and conflicting desires between Erzsébet and László. The audience is kept on edge as they navigate the complex dynamics of their relationship.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are primarily emotional in nature, focusing on the characters' love, regrets, and hopes for the future. While the scene is emotionally charged, the external stakes are relatively low.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the overall plot, it serves as a crucial moment in László and Erzsébet's character arcs, setting the stage for their future together.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation of Erzsébet's knowledge about László's actions, leading to a dramatic and emotional confrontation between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between honesty and deception, trust and betrayal. Erzsébet's revelation challenges László's beliefs and values, forcing him to confront his actions and their consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking strong feelings of love, regret, and hope. The intimate and heartfelt conversation between László and Erzsébet resonates with the audience on a deep emotional level.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is poignant, intimate, and emotionally charged, capturing the essence of László and Erzsébet's relationship. It conveys their love, regrets, and hopes with authenticity and depth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, raw vulnerability of the characters, and the revelation of hidden truths. The audience is drawn into the complex dynamics between Erzsébet and László.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, leading to a climactic moment of revelation and emotional release. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The visual and emotional elements are effectively conveyed through the formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of emotional beats and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil between Erzsébet and László, showcasing their vulnerability and the complexities of their relationship. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat repetitive, particularly Erzsébet's questioning of László's feelings. This could be streamlined to maintain tension without losing the emotional weight.
  • The use of Hungarian and English adds a layer of authenticity to their relationship, but it may confuse viewers who do not understand Hungarian. Consider providing subtitles or context to ensure the audience can fully grasp the emotional stakes.
  • László's petulance and sarcasm come across well, but it might benefit from more subtlety. His initial response could be less defensive to create a more nuanced portrayal of his character's emotional state. This would allow for a more gradual reveal of his deeper feelings.
  • The transition from tension to intimacy is well-executed, particularly with Erzsébet's whispering and physical touch. However, the sudden shift to sexual intimacy might feel jarring for some viewers. It could be enhanced by building more tension leading up to this moment, perhaps through more dialogue or physical closeness before the intimate act.
  • Erzsébet's revelation about her visions and connection to László is powerful, but it could be more grounded. Providing a clearer context for her sickness and how it relates to her feelings for László would strengthen the emotional impact. This could involve a brief flashback or a more detailed explanation of her experiences.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to reduce repetition and enhance the emotional stakes. For example, instead of Erzsébet repeatedly asking if László is angry, she could express her feelings in a more direct way.
  • Introduce a visual element that reflects the emotional state of the characters, such as dim lighting or shadows, to enhance the atmosphere of the scene.
  • Explore László's internal conflict more deeply. Perhaps include a moment where he reflects on his past actions before responding to Erzsébet, which would add depth to his character.
  • Incorporate more physicality in their interactions leading up to the intimate moment. This could involve them holding hands or moving closer together, which would create a more gradual build-up to the intimacy.
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause after Erzsébet's revelation about her visions, allowing the weight of her words to settle before László reacts. This would heighten the emotional impact of his breakdown.



Scene 37 - An Awkward Encounter
86 INT. GUEST HOUSE - CORRIDOR/ BATHROOM - MORNING 86
LÁSZLÓ walks down the corridor and opens the door to discover
ZSÓFIA guiding ERZSÉBET’s knee to her chest who lies nude in
the tub wearing a hair net. They both flush with
embarrassment at the sight of LÁSZLÓ. ERZSÉBET laughs as she
tries to cover up.

LÁSZLÓ
Sorry.

He quickly steps back the way he came.

ERZSÉBET (O.S.)
Maggie Lee lent me some hair
product!


87 INT. GUEST HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER 87
LÁSZLÓ takes a coffee in his kitchenette reviewing VAN
BUREN’s file. He furrows his brow.

ERZSÉBET (O.S.)
(calls out)
László, are you there?

He regards ZSÓFIA exercising her aunt in the bathtub through
the door ajar.

LÁSZLÓ
(calls back)
I am.

ERZSÉBET (O.S.)
(calls out)
The model is beautiful, darling! So
beautiful.

LÁSZLÓ regards the model.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
We’re taking a bus into the city
this afternoon to visit Attila. The
stop is very nearby! Would you like
to come?

LÁSZLÓ
I have something this afternoon.


88 INT. GUEST HOUSE - BATHROOM - SAME 88
ERZSÉBET smiles at ZSÓFIA, full of joy.

ERZSÉBET
I’ve missed him. Just hearing him
mill about in the other room.
It’s...

ERZSÉBET searches for the right word.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
Fantastic.


89 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - LOUNGE - LATER 89
VAN BUREN observes the front yard from the quietude of his
private quarters. He watches...

LONG LENS ON -

ZSÓFIA and ERZSÉBET explore the property. ZSÓFIA pushes
ERZSÉBET’s wheelchair through the estate’s hedge maze.
ERZSÉBET says something to make ZSÓFIA crack a smile.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary LÁSZLÓ accidentally interrupts ZSÓFIA and ERZSÉBET in a guest house, leading to an embarrassing moment for all. After a quick apology, LÁSZLÓ retreats, while ERZSÉBET expresses excitement about visiting Attila. The scene shifts to ZSÓFIA joyfully assisting ERZSÉBET in her wheelchair through a hedge maze, observed by VAN BUREN, highlighting the warmth of their relationships.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Exploration of family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Slow plot progression
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional nuances of family relationships, balancing moments of joy, tension, and embarrassment. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and engaging, drawing the audience into the characters' lives.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family reunion and the exploration of relationships within the family is well-developed and engaging. The scene effectively conveys the themes of love, connection, and reconciliation through the interactions between the characters.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot of the scene is focused on the interactions between family members during a reunion, it lacks significant plot progression. However, the character dynamics and emotional depth make up for the slower plot development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and explores the balance between personal and professional life in a fresh and engaging way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their relationships are portrayed with depth and authenticity. Each character has a distinct personality that shines through in their interactions, adding richness to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, the interactions between the characters reveal more about their personalities and relationships, deepening the audience's understanding of them.

Internal Goal: 8

LÁSZLÓ's internal goal in this scene is to maintain professionalism and composure despite the awkward situation he walks in on. This reflects his need to be seen as competent and in control.

External Goal: 7

LÁSZLÓ's external goal is to review VAN BUREN's file and focus on his work. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in balancing personal and professional responsibilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is some tension in the scene, particularly around Zsófia's educational plans, the conflict is relatively low-key and serves more as a point of discussion rather than a major plot driver.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate, with small obstacles and challenges that add depth to the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal relationships and dynamics within the family rather than high-stakes conflicts or events.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by further developing the relationships and dynamics within the family, setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions. While the plot progression is relatively slow, the character interactions drive the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected situations and character reactions that keep the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between personal relationships and professional obligations evident in this scene. LÁSZLÓ must navigate the boundaries between his personal life and work responsibilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the intimate moments between family members and evoking feelings of joy, tension, and empathy. The emotional depth of the characters and their relationships resonates strongly with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is natural and engaging, effectively conveying the emotions and relationships between the characters. The conversations feel authentic and contribute to the overall tone and themes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the relatable and humorous interactions between characters, as well as the subtle tension created by the balancing act LÁSZLÓ must perform.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension with moments of humor, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that help visualize the setting and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and character interactions that drive the plot forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of intimacy and vulnerability between the characters, particularly with Erzsébet's joy and László's embarrassment. However, the abruptness of László's entrance and the subsequent awkwardness could be enhanced by providing more context or buildup to this moment, allowing the audience to feel the tension more deeply.
  • The dialogue is light and humorous, which contrasts nicely with the emotional weight of the previous scene. However, Erzsébet's line about the hair product feels slightly out of place and could benefit from a more meaningful connection to the moment. It may come off as trivial in the context of their emotional journey.
  • The transition between the scenes is somewhat jarring. The shift from the emotional reunion to a comedic moment in the bathroom could be smoothed out with a more gradual transition or a brief moment of reflection from László before he enters the corridor.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the imagery of Zsófia helping Erzsébet in the bathtub, which symbolizes care and familial bonds. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to enhance the visual storytelling, allowing the audience to better visualize the setting and the characters' emotions.
  • The scene ends with a sense of anticipation as Erzsébet expresses her excitement about visiting Attila, but László's refusal to join feels abrupt. It would be beneficial to explore his internal conflict further, perhaps through a brief inner monologue or a more expressive reaction to Erzsébet's invitation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for László before he enters the corridor, allowing the audience to understand his emotional state and build anticipation for the comedic moment.
  • Revise Erzsébet's line about the hair product to make it more meaningful or relevant to the scene, perhaps by tying it to her feelings about her appearance or her relationship with László.
  • Smooth the transition between the emotional reunion and the comedic bathroom scene by incorporating a brief moment of silence or a shared glance between László and Erzsébet before the humor unfolds.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more descriptive language that captures the atmosphere of the guest house and the characters' emotions, allowing the audience to immerse themselves in the scene.
  • Explore László's internal conflict regarding the invitation to visit Attila by adding a brief moment of hesitation or a line that reveals his thoughts, making his refusal feel more grounded and relatable.



Scene 38 - A Tense Encounter
90 EXT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - DRIVEWAY - LATER 90
WE TRACK RIGHT with ZSÓFIA and ERZSÉBET who have put on
something more formal for their outing into town. ZSÓFIA
pushes ERZSÉBET at a steady clip.

ERZSÉBET
Perhaps we should see about some
language classes this afternoon?
You could take the bus in on your
own...

ZSÓFIA hardly reacts.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
I am positive it is the last place
you would like to be but it’s good
for you and I can brief the
instructor or whomever about your
situation. Listening to me babble
on will only get you so far.

After some time, VAN BUREN’s town car pulls up beside them.
He rolls the window down...

VAN BUREN
Where are you two headed?

ERZSÉBET
We’re going into town.

VAN BUREN
Which town is that? We’ve got
several nearby, you know!

ERZSÉBET laughs pleasantly.

ERZSÉBET
Philadelphia. To visit family.

VAN BUREN
Ah, yes. The American cousin! The
city then! Us, as well.

ERZSÉBET corrects herself.

ERZSÉBET
Yes, the city.

VAN BUREN
(to ZSÓFIA)
Well, don’t just stand there. Let
us give you and your Auntie a lift.

VAN BUREN opens the door to the backseat and steps out to
help move ERZSÉBET inside.


91 INT. AUTOMOBILE - MOMENTS LATER 91
VAN BUREN sits in the passenger side front seat. The two
ladies sit in the back.

VAN BUREN
I have a friend in New York, a
newspaper man. He’s always on the
lookout for new talent. Shall I
mention you to him?

ERZSÉBET
Well, yes, of course. That is very
kind of you, Mr. Van Buren.

ERZSÉBET thinks, hesitates, then...

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
Would that mean I would have to
work out of New York?

VAN BUREN
In the beginning, perhaps... But
you haven’t got the job yet so
let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

ERZSÉBET
No, no, of course not. I did not
mean it to be presumptuous!

The road is rough and the engine, loud.

VAN BUREN
What’s that?

ERZSÉBET
(shouts to be heard)
I did not mean it to be
presumptuous!

VAN BUREN accepts her acknowledgement and moves on.

VAN BUREN
In any event, you could commute
there with me at the start. I’m
there Monday to Friday.

ERZSÉBET
Well, sure, that could be fine. I’d
have to speak with László though.

VAN BUREN
When we break ground, he will have
his hands full, I can assure you!

VAN BUREN’s intent is enigmatic.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I enjoy showing friends around
Manhattan. You mustn’t have seen
much on your way in.

ERZSÉBET
The Penn Station Terminal was very
nice.

VAN BUREN
-a pity that it’s become so full of
tramps hassling women and children
with their arms outstretched. They
line up and extend from the walls
as if integral to its very
foundation like-

He searches for the apt metaphor.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
-like a haunted wall mural!

ERZSÉBET
Ah, perhaps that is why I felt so
at home. I’m a former bag lady
myself who does also enjoy the work
of the Dutch masters.

VAN BUREN
‘Earthly Delights!’ You pictured it
just as I meant it. Clever, clever.

ERZSÉBET looks at her niece with some trepidation about the
conversation then digs deeper.

ERZSÉBET
“Integral to its foundation.” You
sound like my husband. Although a
mural’s decorative; nothing to do
with the foundation.

The jab doesn’t seem to land. No response from VAN BUREN.
They ride in silence for a moment. It’s unclear whether or
not he’s taken offense.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
Where did you get your passion for
architecture?

VAN BUREN
Oh, we’ve done buildings before but
I’d hardly call them artistic. I
suppose it was because the cellar
was full.

ERZSÉBET
Pardon?

VAN BUREN
I collect books, butterflies, and
such. Above all though, Portuguese
Madeira. I take it every night
after supper.

He turns to her.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I did the maths and if I were to
uncork a bottle seven days a week
for the next thirty years - the
maximum of my life expectancy - I
shouldn’t need more than ten
thousand altogether. So once the
cellar was full, it was time I set
about in a new direction. Out of
the cellar and into the sky.

ERZSÉBET
If you drink a bottle of Madeira
every day, I shouldn’t think you’d
last thirty years.

VAN BUREN
I always keep good company.

ERZSÉBET senses VAN BUREN asserting himself, flirting with
her.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Zsófia and ErzsÉbet, dressed formally, are approached by Van Buren in his car, who offers them a lift into town. As they converse, Van Buren's flirtatious demeanor and interest in ErzsÉbet's potential job opportunities in New York create an atmosphere of tension. While ErzsÉbet engages with wit and humor, she also expresses discomfort with his advances. Zsófia remains mostly passive, pushing ErzsÉbet in her wheelchair. The scene captures the contrast between light-hearted banter and underlying unease, culminating in an unresolved tension as they prepare to leave.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Lack of major plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written with engaging dialogue that reveals character traits and relationships. The tone is consistent and the interactions are entertaining, adding depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around a casual conversation during a car ride, exploring the characters' personalities and dynamics. It effectively sets the stage for future developments.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the characters interact and reveal more about themselves. While there is no major action, the scene serves to deepen the relationships and add layers to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique characters and explores subtle power dynamics and social norms in a wealthy estate setting. The dialogue is authentic and reflects the characters' backgrounds and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in the dialogue. Van Buren comes across as enigmatic and flirtatious, while Erzsébet is witty and engaging. Zsófia's reactions add a layer of humor to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between the characters hint at potential growth and development in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

ZSÓFIA's internal goal is to maintain composure and not react emotionally to ERZSÉBET's suggestions about language classes and potential job opportunities.

External Goal: 7.5

ERZSÉBET's external goal is to explore potential job opportunities in New York and navigate the conversation with VAN BUREN about commuting and working arrangements.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

There is a low level of conflict in the scene, mostly stemming from the awkwardness and misunderstandings between the characters.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with subtle power dynamics and conflicting motivations between the characters.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and relationships rather than high-stakes conflict or action.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationships between the characters and setting up future plot points. It adds layers to the narrative and builds anticipation for what's to come.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the subtle shifts in power dynamics and the characters' hidden motivations and intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between ERZSÉBET's desire for independence and career advancement and VAN BUREN's subtle attempts to assert control and influence her decisions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from amusement to intrigue, as the characters interact and reveal more about themselves. The humor and flirtatious tone add depth to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is the highlight of the scene, showcasing the characters' personalities and relationships. It is witty, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters.

Engagement: 8.5

This scene is engaging because of the subtle power dynamics, character interactions, and the unfolding of potential job opportunities and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character motivations through dialogue and interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear character interactions and dialogue that advance the plot and reveal character motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the dynamic between Erzsébet and Van Buren, showcasing his flirtatious nature and her cautious engagement. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when Erzsébet discusses her potential job opportunities. This could be streamlined to maintain a more natural flow.
  • The use of humor in Erzsébet's responses adds a layer of complexity to her character, but it sometimes feels forced, especially in her metaphor about being a 'former bag lady.' This could be rephrased to sound more organic and less like a scripted line.
  • Van Buren's character comes off as enigmatic, but his motivations could be clearer. The scene hints at his flirtation and interest in Erzsébet, yet it lacks a strong emotional undercurrent that would make his intentions more compelling. Adding subtle cues or reactions from Erzsébet could enhance this tension.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, particularly with the transition from light-hearted banter to deeper topics. The shift from discussing language classes to Van Buren's architectural interests could be smoothed out to maintain engagement and coherence.
  • The dialogue about architecture and Van Buren's collection of Madeira is intriguing but could benefit from more context or relevance to the characters' current situation. This would help ground the conversation and make it feel less like a diversion.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate any unnecessary exposition. Focus on showing the characters' relationships through their interactions rather than telling the audience about their backgrounds.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by incorporating more subtext in the dialogue. For example, let Erzsébet's hesitations and concerns about Van Buren's intentions come through more subtly in her tone and body language.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or conflict that arises from Van Buren's flirtation, perhaps through a reaction from Zsófia or a sudden change in Erzsébet's demeanor, to heighten the stakes of the conversation.
  • Explore the theme of displacement and belonging more deeply in the dialogue. This could be done by having Erzsébet reflect on her past experiences in a way that connects to her current situation, making her character more relatable.
  • Consider adding a visual element that emphasizes the contrast between the characters' backgrounds and their current circumstances, such as the opulence of the Van Buren estate juxtaposed with Erzsébet's past, to enrich the scene's thematic depth.



Scene 39 - Confrontation in the Trailer
92 EXT. VISTA - CONSTRUCTION SITE - TRAILERS - DAY 92
WE TRACK FAST RIGHT with LÁSZLÓ who trembles with anger.


93 INT. VISTA - CONSTRUCTION SITE - OFFICE TRAILER - CONTINUOUS
93
LÁSZLÓ enters the trailer where LESLIE WOODROW is on a
telephone call. LÁSZLÓ throws the file at LESLIE’s head...

LESLIE WOODROW
I’m going to have to call you back.

LESLIE hangs up the phone.

LÁSZLÓ
How dare you.

LESLIE WOODROW
How dare I what?

LÁSZLÓ’s accent is embellished when he is angry.

LÁSZLÓ
You go behind the back- and have
them meet with another goddamned
designer! Who in the hell is James
T. Simpson? You’re trying to get me
sacked!

LESLIE WOODROW
I didn’t tell him to meet with
anyone. Of course, I didn’t. You
think I feel like working with you
hating my guts for the next two
godforsaken years?

LÁSZLÓ blinks.

LESLIE WOODROW (CONT'D)
Jim Simpson is a smart guy. He
doesn’t want to interfere at all.

LÁSZLÓ taps the document with his index finger.

LÁSZLÓ
I’m not making these changes.

LESLIE WOODROW
I’m afraid it’s not up to you. The
casts are already finished. We put
in that order over a month ago.
This is the first time you’re
hearing about it?

LÁSZLÓ
No one told me a damned thing.

LESLIE WOODROW
Harrison said he would talk it over
with you. I’m sorry you found out
this way. I really am.

LÁSZLÓ sits down and starts re-drawing the plans in a fever.

He makes new connections, new corridors, new ideas, with a
few strokes of a pen then slams it down in front of LESLIE.

LÁSZLÓ
There. It’s mine again. He cuts
three meters from the top, I add it
to the bottom!

LESLIE WOODROW
We can’t afford all this! I’m
already over-budget this quarter!

LÁSZLÓ
Use what you need to of my fee.

LESLIE tries to reason with him.

LESLIE WOODROW
What’s the difference between forty
and fifty feet, anyway?! The
ceilings are still plenty high!

LÁSZLÓ
Get it approved, Leslie.

LESLIE WOODROW
We have a walk-thru next week and
Jim is supposed to be there. Just
hear him out. You can state your
case to Harrison and Harry Lee. I
won’t open my mouth, I swear it.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense office trailer confrontation, László angrily accuses Leslie Woodrow of undermining him by involving another designer, James T. Simpson, without his knowledge. Despite Leslie's defense that the decision was made without her direct involvement and the project is over budget, László insists on maintaining control by redrawing the plans. The scene highlights their strained professional relationship as László demands approval for his revisions, leaving the conflict unresolved as they prepare for an upcoming walk-through.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Character development
  • Plot progression
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Limited visual elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written and engaging, with a strong focus on conflict and resolution. The dialogue is intense and drives the plot forward, showcasing the characters' motivations and personalities effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a confrontation over architectural plans, is engaging and drives the plot forward. It effectively showcases the characters' motivations and conflicts.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, as it reveals the challenges László faces in maintaining control over his designs. The conflict between characters adds depth to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on workplace conflicts and power dynamics, with authentic dialogue and realistic character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with László's determination and Leslie Woodrow's frustration coming through strongly. Their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations effectively.

Character Changes: 8

László undergoes a significant change in the scene, from anger and frustration to determination and creative resolve. His character development is evident in his actions and dialogue.

Internal Goal: 8

LÁSZLÓ's internal goal is to assert his authority and protect his position in the company. This reflects his fear of being replaced or undermined by a colleague.

External Goal: 7

LÁSZLÓ's external goal is to maintain control over the design project and prevent changes that could jeopardize his vision. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with unexpected alterations to his plans.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense emotions and opposing goals driving the confrontation between László and Leslie Woodrow. The conflict adds tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations that create uncertainty and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as László fights to maintain creative control over his architectural plans. The outcome of the confrontation will impact his career and reputation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing the challenges László faces in maintaining control over his designs. The conflict and resolution add depth to the narrative and set up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected twists in the characters' motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between LÁSZLÓ's belief in the importance of his creative vision and Leslie's pragmatic approach to budget constraints and practicality. This challenges LÁSZLÓ's values of artistic integrity and control.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with the characters' anger and determination resonating with the audience. The resolution of the conflict adds depth to the characters and engages the viewer.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is intense and impactful, driving the conflict between László and Leslie Woodrow. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional intensity, and dynamic character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through rapid dialogue exchanges and escalating conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dramatic confrontation, with escalating tension and a resolution that leaves room for further conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures László's anger and frustration, which is a crucial emotional beat in the narrative. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. While László's anger is clear, the motivations behind Leslie's actions could be explored further to add depth to their conflict.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat rushed, particularly in the dialogue exchanges. While the urgency of László's anger is appropriate, allowing for brief pauses or reactions could enhance the tension and give the audience a moment to absorb the stakes involved.
  • László's accent embellishment when angry is a nice touch, but it could be more consistently integrated throughout the scene. This would help to reinforce his character's emotional state and cultural background, making his anger feel more authentic.
  • The visual description of László feverishly redrawing the plans is compelling, but it could be enhanced by including more sensory details. Describing the sound of the pen on paper, the intensity of his focus, or even the messiness of the workspace could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Leslie's character comes off as somewhat one-dimensional in this scene. Providing a glimpse into her motivations or vulnerabilities could create a more complex dynamic between her and László, making their conflict feel more layered and relatable.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a pause after László's initial outburst to heighten the tension and allow the audience to feel the weight of the situation.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or reactions from both characters to complement the dialogue. For example, showing László's body language or Leslie's facial expressions could convey their emotional states more vividly.
  • Explore Leslie's perspective further. Perhaps she has her own frustrations about the project or feels caught between László and Harrison. This could create a more nuanced conflict.
  • Add sensory details to László's drawing process to make the scene more vivid. Describe the sound of the pen, the feel of the paper, or even the frustration evident in his strokes.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat, perhaps by showing László's internal struggle or a moment of doubt about his decisions, which could set up the stakes for the upcoming walk-through.



Scene 40 - Tensions in the Trenches
94 EXT. VISTA - CONSTRUCTION SITE - TRENCHES - MORNING 94
It’s raining cats and dogs. Thunder, lightning, wind.

ULTRA-WIDE ANGLE TRACKING SHOT -

SEVEN MEN; LÁSZLÓ, VAN BUREN, HARRY LEE, LESLIE WOODROW,
MAYOR KINNEY, MICHAEL HOFFMAN, and JIM SIMPSON stand in the
newly dug out foundation; a corridor of dirt reminiscent of
the First War trenches.

They all hold out large canvas umbrellas to shield themselves
from the torrential downpour.

LÁSZLÓ
For the cantilevered floors- we
plan to use upside-down T-shaped
beams integrated into concrete
slabs down here.
(MORE)

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
This will form both the ceiling of
the space below and provide
resistance against compression...

MAYOR KINNEY tries to make sense of the blueprints.

MAYOR KINNEY
Which corridor are we in now?

LESLIE nervously tries to explain...

LESLIE WOODROW
We’re below ground here. It’s a
sort of- passageway between the
main unit and the three mid-sized
modular units to the south and
southeast.

JIM SIMPSON reviews LÁSZLÓ’s new plans...

JIM SIMPSON
I don’t see how any of this
acknowledges my proposed cuts. We
are just spinning our wheels out
here. I took ten feet off the
height of these damned things and
now we are 30 feet underground?! I
mean, what is- what are all these
new connections between facilities?

LÁSZLÓ
A better idea.

JIM SIMPSON
What are they for? You put all
these together and you’ve added on
a quarter mile or so of tunnel to
carve out on top of everything
else!

LÁSZLÓ keeps his cool. He speaks to be heard but never shouts
explaining himself to the group.

LÁSZLÓ
We excavate the entire diameter of
the tunnel system using a- full-
face method.

JIM SIMPSON
For what?! Why can’t people just
walk themselves directly across the
courtyard?!

LÁSZLÓ
Something inside for the people to
discover.

LÁSZLÓ is starting to get as worked up as we have ever seen
him.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
And so it is one building and not
four! For its harmony. You said it
before, Mr. Van Buren!
(MORE)

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
You expected it to be one building,
and now it is!

VAN BUREN nods, uncomfortable. JIM SIMPSON scoffs.

JIM SIMPSON
I’ll tell you- we are not going
back inside until you look us in
the eye and you tell us where you
are willing to compromise?!

LÁSZLÓ seethes but remains calm.

LÁSZLÓ
Jim, tell us again what you’ve
built?

JIM SIMPSON
I’ll tell you about what I’ve
built, whatever-the-hell-your-name-
is! A shopping center in New Hope,
a hotel in Stamford Connecticut-

LESLIE INTERJECTS...

LESLIE WOODROW
Now Jim, let me remind everyone
that László has offered to
personally off-set these costs-

JIM SIMPSON
You brought me in here to tell you
what it is that you do not need!
You don’t need this guy!

JIM SIMPSON points at LÁSZLÓ, accusingly.

JIM SIMPSON (CONT'D)
This whole thing is just- bizarre,
Leslie!

LESLIE WOODROW
I really think you two might see
eye-to-eye if you just spent a
little more time getting to know
each other. Honestly.

JIM throws his papers up in the air.

LÁSZLÓ
Jim. Listen to me.

JIM SIMPSON
I’m listening.

LÁSZLÓ
Everything we see that is ugly-
stupid, cruel, and ugly. Everything
is your fault.

Taking a moment to fully digest the severity of LÁSZLÓ’s
sentiment, JIM SIMPSON replies with a violent push causing
LÁSZLÓ to slip and fall in the mud.

VAN BUREN
Jim, you stop that right now!

JIM SIMPSON appears embarrassed.

JIM SIMPSON
I’m sorry-

VAN BUREN
Think it’s time for you to head
home, Jim. Thanks for your insight.

JIM SIMPSON walks away. VAN BUREN extends a hand to LÁSZLÓ.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I trust you. I trust you, all
right?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary During a torrential downpour at a construction site, tensions flare between architect László and contractor Jim Simpson over complex architectural plans. As László passionately defends his vision, Jim's frustration escalates into aggression, culminating in a physical altercation where he pushes László into the mud. Van Buren intervenes, sending Jim away and leaving László supported by the remaining men amidst the chaotic weather.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in architectural terms
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is intense and emotionally charged, with strong character dynamics and conflicting viewpoints driving the narrative forward. The confrontation adds depth to the characters and sets up future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the conflict between artistic vision and practical considerations in architectural design. It effectively explores themes of creativity, compromise, and ego in a high-stakes setting.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene advances significantly through the confrontation, revealing the characters' motivations, conflicts, and relationships. It sets up future developments and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the construction site setting by focusing on the interpersonal conflicts and power struggles among the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and reflects the characters' motivations and personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in the confrontation. László's determination and Jim Simpson's frustration are palpable, adding layers to their dynamic and setting up future conflicts.

Character Changes: 7

László's unwavering commitment to his design and Jim Simpson's frustration with the changes reflect subtle character changes in the scene. Their interactions hint at future developments and shifts in their dynamic.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal is to assert his vision and design ideas for the construction project, showcasing his expertise and creativity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince the other characters of the validity and benefits of his design choices for the construction project.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with opposing viewpoints clashing in a high-stakes setting. The confrontation between László and Jim Simpson drives the narrative forward and sets up future conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, egos, and power dynamics creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will resolve.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters' conflicting visions for the building project could have significant consequences. The outcome of the confrontation will impact the project's future and the characters' relationships.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing key conflicts, character motivations, and setting up future plot developments. It advances the narrative while adding depth to the characters and their relationships.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns in the dialogue, character reactions, and power dynamics. The audience is kept on edge as the conflict escalates.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between innovation and tradition, as László's unconventional design ideas clash with Jim Simpson's more conventional approach to construction.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a high emotional impact, with tension, frustration, and determination running high. The characters' emotional states are palpable, adding depth and intensity to the confrontation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' emotions, motivations, and conflicting viewpoints. It drives the confrontation forward and reveals key aspects of the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense conflicts, emotional stakes, and dynamic character interactions. The audience is drawn into the power struggles and confrontations unfolding at the construction site.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflicts and emotional intensity. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues. It maintains a consistent visual and narrative flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear character introductions, conflict development, and resolution. It effectively sets up the tension and drama within the construction site setting.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and chaos of a construction site during a storm, which serves as a metaphor for the conflicts among the characters. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when characters explain the architectural plans. This could be streamlined to maintain the pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • László's character is well-defined through his calm demeanor amidst chaos, but the emotional stakes could be heightened. The scene could benefit from more internal conflict for László, perhaps reflecting on his past failures or fears about the project, which would add depth to his character and make his outburst more impactful.
  • The physical altercation at the end feels abrupt and could be better foreshadowed. Building up to Jim's push with more tension in their dialogue could enhance the emotional payoff. Additionally, the reaction of the other characters to this escalation could be explored further to show the gravity of the situation.
  • While the use of rain and mud creates a vivid visual, it may also distract from the dialogue. Consider how the environment can enhance or detract from the characters' interactions. For instance, using the rain to symbolize the emotional turmoil could be more pronounced in the characters' expressions or actions.
  • The scene ends with Van Buren's reassurance to László, which is a nice touch, but it could be more powerful if László's response or internal thoughts were included. This would provide a clearer emotional arc and resolution for the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to reduce exposition and allow the characters' personalities to shine through more naturally. Show, don't tell, when it comes to the architectural details.
  • Add internal monologue or reflective moments for László to deepen his character and provide context for his emotional state during the confrontation.
  • Foreshadow the physical altercation by escalating the tension in the dialogue leading up to it, allowing for a more organic transition into the conflict.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating the rain and mud as symbols of the characters' emotional states, perhaps through their physical reactions or expressions.
  • Include László's reaction to Van Buren's trust at the end of the scene to provide closure and a sense of continuity for his character development.



Scene 41 - Groundbreaking Tensions
95 EXT. VISTA - CONSTRUCTION SITE - MOMENTS LATER 95
MAYOR KINNEY walks ahead of the group with VAN BUREN.

MAYOR KINNEY
Are you sure about this guy? I know
Jim lost his temper but he had a
few points back there, didn’t he?
My office is fielding complaints
about the plans for this place on a
daily basis, more or less! Jim’s a
Protestant! Gives folks peace of
mind. People are worried it’s going
to ruin the hillside, Harrison.

VAN BUREN
We’ll do something. A little event
for the community. Get them on-
side.

VAN BUREN’s expression doesn’t betray his intent.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
And Jim will stay on.

MAYOR KINNEY furrows his brow.

MAYOR KINNEY
Does Jim know that? I think he
thinks he’s fired.

VAN BUREN
I’ll have Leslie telephone him
tomorrow, and Jim can advise from
afar.

VAN BUREN gestures to LÁSZLÓ behind them.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
It’s better for morale this way,
you see?

96 EXT. VISTA - AFTERNOON 96
The sun is shining. A small crowd has gathered for a ribbon
cutting ceremony. VAN BUREN, HARRY LEE, and LÁSZLÓ pose for a
photograph with MAYOR KINNEY. Following a round of pictures,
VAN BUREN calls out...

VAN BUREN
Girls! Girls! Come in for a
picture!

ERZSÉBET, ZSÓFIA, MAGGIE LEE enter from the side and gather
around the core group. ERZSÉBET tugs at LÁSZLÓ’s blazer and
he obliges by kneeling down to her chair. She whispers in his
ear...

ERZSÉBET
(Hungarian, whispers)
I’m proud of you. Make love to me
tonight.

VAN BUREN holds up a shovel demonstratively.

VAN BUREN
All right everyone! On three...

EVERYONE
O-ne! T-wo!

Everyone but ZSÓFIA smiles.

VAN BUREN
And...

He pulls the shovel back.

EVERYONE
Three!

The shovel breaks the earth.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Mayor Kinney expresses worries about community backlash regarding construction plans and discusses Jim's role, believing he is fired. Van Buren reassures him of Jim's continued involvement and suggests a community event to boost morale. The scene shifts to a ribbon-cutting ceremony at a sunny construction site, where a small crowd gathers. Van Buren leads the ceremony, while Erzsébet shares a personal moment with László, hinting at their intimacy. Despite Zsófia's somber demeanor, the atmosphere is celebratory as the ceremonial shovel breaks the ground, marking the project's official start.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some awkward dialogue transitions
  • Minor pacing issues

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines tension, emotion, and hope, creating a compelling and engaging moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the construction project and the interpersonal conflicts, is well-developed and adds depth to the overall story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, introducing conflicts, and setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of progress versus tradition by incorporating personal relationships and power dynamics into the conflict. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene, particularly highlighting the tensions between them.

Character Changes: 8

László experiences emotional turmoil and growth in the scene, particularly in his interactions with Erzsébet and Jim, showcasing a change in his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and authority in the face of opposition and uncertainty. This reflects their deeper need for stability and power.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to appease the community and ensure the success of the construction project. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing public perception and support.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a moderate level of conflict, particularly between László and Jim, adding tension and drama to the story.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, but not overwhelming to the point of predictability.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, particularly in the conflicts surrounding the construction project and the emotional dynamics between the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing conflicts, resolving tensions, and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle hints at hidden agendas and unspoken desires among the characters, creating tension and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between progress and tradition evident in this scene. The protagonist must balance the need for development with the concerns of the community rooted in their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, particularly in the tender moment between László and Erzsébet, as well as the tensions surrounding the construction project.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts between the characters, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the interpersonal conflicts, hidden motivations, and unexpected revelations that keep the audience invested in the characters and their relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and events that build tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the previous conflict with Jim Simpson to a more communal and celebratory atmosphere, which is a nice contrast. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension between the characters, particularly regarding Van Buren's true intentions with Jim's involvement.
  • Mayor Kinney's concerns about Jim's temper and the community's perception of the project are valid, but they could be more deeply explored. This would add layers to his character and make the stakes feel higher. As it stands, his dialogue feels somewhat one-dimensional.
  • Van Buren's response to Kinney's concerns lacks emotional weight. While he suggests a community event, it would be more impactful if he displayed some internal conflict or hesitation, indicating that he is aware of the potential backlash but is choosing to ignore it for his own agenda.
  • The introduction of Erzsébet, Zsófia, and Maggie Lee at the ribbon-cutting ceremony feels somewhat abrupt. Their presence should be foreshadowed or built up earlier in the scene to create a smoother transition into the celebratory moment.
  • ErzsÉbet's whisper to László adds a personal touch, but it could be more impactful if it were tied to the larger themes of the story, such as their struggles or the significance of this moment in their lives. As it stands, it feels like a standalone moment that doesn't connect to the broader narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to Mayor Kinney's character by giving him a personal stake in the project or a backstory that explains his concerns about the community's reaction.
  • Enhance Van Buren's dialogue to reflect more complexity in his character. Perhaps he could express some doubt about Jim's involvement or show a hint of manipulation in his reassurances to Kinney.
  • Introduce Erzsébet, Zsófia, and Maggie Lee earlier in the scene or provide a brief moment of reflection for László as he anticipates their arrival, which would create a more cohesive flow into the ribbon-cutting ceremony.
  • Explore the emotional significance of the ribbon-cutting ceremony for László and Erzsébet. This could be done through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that highlights their journey and the weight of this moment.
  • Consider using the ribbon-cutting moment as a metaphor for new beginnings or the fragility of their current situation, which could resonate with the audience and tie back to the themes of the screenplay.



Scene 42 - Laughter by the Water
97 EXT. VISTA - WATERING HOLE - DUSK 97
CLOSE HANDHELD ON -

The sun is setting. Several party guests are swimming. It’s
exactly like a Renoir. Sun-drenched ZSÓFIA bathes sensually
in the pond, her skin tightens with goosebumps. HARRY LEE
swims up to greet her.

HARRY LEE
(cheerful)
Rub-a-dub, three maids in a tub.
And who do you think were there?
The butcher, the baker, the
candlestick-maker-

He takes some water in his mouth and spits it out.

HARRY LEE (CONT'D)
Invigorating, isn’t it?

NEW ANGLE ON -

By the shore, ERZSÉBET lies on a towel near LÁSZLÓ, VAN
BUREN, and MAGGIE LEE. All of them laugh madly; a joyous
scene.

ERZSÉBET
(hysterical)
Did you ever manage to find the
place?

MAGGIE LEE
After driving around for hours in
the dark looking for this damned
camouflaged mailbox-

MAGGIE LEE laughs in anticipation of the punchline as she
recounts the story.



MAGGIE LEE (CONT'D) VAN BUREN
-we walked in the door, and (interjects)
the table had just been It was well after ten o’clock-
cleared for dessert!
ERZSÉBET
-and then what?!

MAGGIE LEE
I noticed something a little funny
about the other dinner guests.

ERZSÉBET
How so?!

MAGGIE LEE
They just all looked a bit pale in
the face, I reckon...

Even LÁSZLÓ can’t help but grin now.

ERZSÉBET
OH NO!

VAN BUREN
Maggie, you’re exaggerating.

MAGGIE LEE
I AM NOT, I swear it! They looked
exactly like that popular painting,
you know the one-?

MAGGIE LEE imitates Edvard Munch’s ‘The Scream’ causing
another fit of laughter.

ERZSÉBET
Stop it! I can’t breathe.

MAGGIE LEE
Daddy kept apologizing to our
hostess-

VAN BUREN
For context, her husband is among
Van Buren Steel’s most important
private clients.

MAGGIE LEE
Daddy tried to explain everything
that had made us late as she
prepared for us what appeared to be
a delightful looking little trifle!

ERZSÉBET
Was it awful?

MAGGIE LEE
I kid you not; cow tallow and fruit
pie!

ERZSÉBET
(laughs)
NO!

MAGGIE LEE
-and poor daddy has such a sweet
tooth! I didn’t know how to warn
him in front of everyone before he
took a bite this big!

MAGGIE demonstrates the enormous slice with her index
fingers.

ERZSÉBET
(to VAN BUREN)
NO!

VAN BUREN
Indeed.

MAGGIE LEE
He began gagging like a house cat!

She imitates a house cat gagging on a fur ball.

MAGGIE LEE (CONT'D)
And all he could say to explain
was...

MAGGIE LEE holds herself together for the finale.

MAGGIE LEE (CONT'D)
‘Dear... I am allergic.’ to which
our concerned hostess replied, ‘
allergic to what?!’, and he says...

VAN BUREN buries his face in hands.

MAGGIE LEE (CONT'D)
‘TO THAT. I am very allergic to
whatever THAT is.’

Everyone howls.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary As the sun sets over a picturesque watering hole, party guests revel in a joyful atmosphere. Zsófia swims serenely in the pond while Harry Lee playfully engages her with a rhyme. Meanwhile, Erzsébet, László, Van Buren, and Maggie Lee share a humorous tale about a dinner party mishap involving Maggie's father, who embarrassingly gags on a dessert. The group bursts into laughter as Maggie mimics the scene, creating a moment of camaraderie and delight that resonates through the evening.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character interactions
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Low on conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, warmth, and character development, creating an engaging and memorable moment for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around humor, camaraderie, and personal anecdotes, which are effectively portrayed through the interactions and dialogue of the characters.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it adds depth to the characters and their relationships, enhancing the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene features original situations and fresh approaches to humor, such as the exaggerated reactions to the strange dessert and the comedic retelling of a social faux pas. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the comedic moments.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions and dialogue. The scene allows for moments of vulnerability and humor, showcasing different facets of the characters.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it deepens the relationships between the characters and reveals more about their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to entertain and amuse the other characters with a humorous anecdote. This reflects their desire to connect with others through storytelling and humor.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate a social situation with grace and humor, despite facing unexpected challenges like a strange dessert and being late to the party.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene is low on conflict, focusing more on humor and character interactions.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is light and comedic, with characters facing social challenges and unexpected situations that add humor and conflict to the story.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes in this scene are low, focusing more on humor and personal anecdotes.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not significantly move the main story forward but adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' anecdotes and reactions, keeping the audience guessing and engaged in the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between social expectations and personal authenticity, as the protagonist must navigate a potentially embarrassing situation with humor and grace.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of joy, warmth, and amusement, creating a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reflective of the characters' personalities. It effectively conveys humor and warmth, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, comedic timing, and relatable characters. The humor and light-hearted tone keep the audience entertained and invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with comedic beats and dialogue that flow smoothly and keep the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness and humor.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with descriptive language that sets the scene and enhances the comedic moments.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and comedic beats that enhance the humor and engagement of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a light-hearted and joyous atmosphere, contrasting the previous tension-filled moments. The use of humor through Maggie Lee's storytelling adds depth to the characters and showcases their camaraderie, which is essential for audience engagement.
  • The dialogue flows naturally, with each character contributing to the humor and building on each other's lines. This creates a sense of rhythm and allows the audience to feel the warmth of the gathering. However, the humor could benefit from a clearer setup to enhance the punchlines, particularly in Maggie's story about the dinner party mishap.
  • While the scene is visually rich, with the imagery of the sunset and the swimming guests, it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sounds of laughter, splashing water, and the ambiance of the setting would immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • The character dynamics are well-established, particularly the playful banter between Erzsébet, Maggie Lee, and Van Buren. However, Zsófia's role feels somewhat passive in this scene. It would be beneficial to give her a line or action that reflects her personality or perspective, making her presence more impactful.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is somewhat abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that signifies the shift from tension to relaxation could help smooth the transition and prepare the audience for the change in tone.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue before the laughter begins to emphasize the transition from the previous scene's tension to the light-heartedness of this one.
  • Enhance the sensory details by describing the sounds, smells, and sights of the setting more vividly. For example, mention the sound of water splashing or the warmth of the sun on the characters' skin.
  • Give Zsófia a moment to shine by adding a line or action that reflects her character, perhaps a witty remark or a playful interaction with Harry Lee that showcases her personality.
  • Refine the setup for Maggie's punchline about the dinner party mishap to ensure the humor lands more effectively. Consider adding a line that builds anticipation for the punchline.
  • Maintain the humor but also consider weaving in subtle emotional undertones that hint at the characters' past struggles, allowing for a richer narrative that balances comedy with depth.



Scene 43 - Tensions at the Water's Edge
98 EXT. VISTA - LATER 98
LONG LENS ON -

ZSÓFIA and HARRY LEE come up from the water and stand beside
VAN BUREN, MAGGIE LEE, and ERZSÉBET who is now situated back
in her wheelchair.

NEW ANGLE ON -

LÁSZLÓ regards them but stands talking with GORDON and
GORDON’s son, WILLIAM (significantly older than when we last
saw him). The three of them observe a small construction crew
that carry futons above their heads which implies they’ll be
sleeping on-site.

WILLIAM points.

WILLIAM
Is that your crew?

GORDON
They’ll sleep here.

WILLIAM
It’s a lot of them. (Beat) What’s
that thing over there?

GORDON
On the left?

WILLIAM nods.

GORDON (CONT'D)
That’s a motor grader. We used to
do it with horses. Makes a flat
surface to pour on.

LÁSZLÓ
We can take you down there in the
morning if you are curious.

GORDON squeezes his son.

GORDON
What do you say we get you in one
of them machines?

HARRY LEE (O.S.)
Big day, Mr. Toth!

HARRY LEE approaches the scene.

LÁSZLÓ
Yes.

HARRY LEE, drunk but not sloppy, puts an arm around LÁSZLÓ
and WE TRACK with them as they walk off.

HARRY LEE
Leslie mentioned during our meeting
last week with Jim that you’re
putting your fee back into the
project. That seems a bit
irresponsible given your situation,
doesn’t it? Will it even last you
to the end of your commitment?

LÁSZLÓ is silent, then...

LÁSZLÓ
I will figure something out.

HARRY LEE
Have you discussed it with your
wife?

LÁSZLÓ
She will be supportive.

HARRY LEE
Suit yourself but I wouldn’t do it,
and I know Leslie certainly
wouldn’t do it, so I didn’t want
you to think you’d be setting any
sort of precedent.

LÁSZLÓ
I expect nothing from either of
you.

BEAT.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
How does that work exactly? The
company paying themselves to
finance?

HARRY LEE
Do you not think I deserve to be
paid for the time and energy I
devote to this project?

The question hangs in the air as they come to a stop.

HARRY LEE (CONT'D)
Might I make a suggestion?

LÁSZLÓ
You may.

HARRY LEE
Your niece has made several of our
guests very uncomfortable. Perhaps
you should have a talk with her.

LÁSZLÓ
About what?

HARRY LEE
Don’t get me wrong. She’s very
lovely to look at and as much as we
all dream of having a bird that
keeps her trap shut, it comes off
like a rude affectation. I’ve tried
to connect, make conversation. It
goes nowhere.

LÁSZLÓ doesn’t respond.

HARRY LEE (CONT'D)
Oh, I see. It must run in the
family.

No response.

HARRY LEE (CONT'D)
I would like us to be friends...

LÁSZLÓ
This is not- friendly, Harry.

HARRY LEE lets go, exasperated.

HARRY LEE
I didn’t say I’d like to slip my
prick into her. Forget it! I’ve had
too much to drink. I need a nap.

HARRY LEE begins to walk off and turns around to share a
final sentiment.

HARRY LEE (CONT'D)
(venomous)
We tolerate you.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary As Zsófia and Harry Lee emerge from the water, they join Van Buren, Maggie Lee, and ErzsÉbet. László engages with Gordon and his son William, who are intrigued by a construction crew. Harry Lee confronts László about his financial decisions and makes inappropriate remarks regarding László's niece, leading to a tense exchange. László defends his choices, but Harry Lee's frustration culminates in a venomous remark before he storms off, leaving unresolved tension in the air.
Strengths
  • Intense character interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-building dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come off as overly confrontational
  • Harry Lee's behavior may be seen as inappropriate or offensive

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension through confrontational dialogue and emotional exchanges, providing insight into the characters' motivations and conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around power struggles, financial decisions, and personal relationships, all of which are effectively explored through the dialogue and character interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the confrontation between László and Harry Lee, setting up future conflicts and character developments. It adds layers to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on interpersonal conflicts and power dynamics within a business setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of László and Harry Lee are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting personalities, motivations, and relationships. Their interactions drive the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both László and Harry Lee undergo subtle changes in their dynamic during the scene, revealing new layers to their personalities and motivations. Their interactions hint at future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his sense of responsibility and commitment to the project despite external pressures and doubts from others.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to successfully manage the construction project and navigate the challenges that arise, including dealing with the behavior of his niece and financial concerns.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between László and Harry Lee is intense and multi-layered, involving personal, financial, and professional stakes. It drives the emotional impact of the scene and sets up future confrontations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting motivations and desires between characters that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, involving personal integrity, financial decisions, and power dynamics. The confrontations between the characters have long-lasting implications for their relationships and the project.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future plot developments. It adds complexity to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected shifts in power dynamics and the characters' conflicting motivations and desires.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict between László's sense of duty and responsibility towards the project and Harry Lee's more pragmatic and self-serving approach to business.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' confrontations, betrayals, and personal revelations. It delves into the complexities of their relationships and adds depth to their motivations.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, confrontational, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the tension between the characters and revealing their inner thoughts and feelings.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense interpersonal dynamics and conflicts between characters, as well as the underlying tension and subtext.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' conflicts and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions and progression of the central conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between László and Harry Lee, showcasing Harry's condescending attitude and László's defensive stance. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the conflict. Harry's comments about Zsófia could be more veiled, allowing for a more nuanced exchange that hints at deeper issues without being overtly confrontational.
  • The introduction of William and Gordon adds a familial touch, but their presence feels somewhat disconnected from the main conflict. Their dialogue about construction machinery, while informative, detracts from the emotional weight of the scene. Consider integrating their conversation more seamlessly with the tension between László and Harry, perhaps by having William's curiosity inadvertently highlight the stakes of László's financial decisions.
  • Harry's drunkenness is established, but it could be portrayed more vividly to enhance the scene's dynamics. Instead of stating that he is 'drunk but not sloppy,' show his inebriation through his speech patterns or physical demeanor, which would add depth to his character and the interaction.
  • The climax of the scene, where Harry Lee states, 'We tolerate you,' is impactful but could be strengthened by building up to it with more tension. Consider adding a moment where László's frustration peaks, making Harry's final remark feel like a culmination of their conflict rather than a sudden shift.
  • The scene's pacing feels uneven, particularly with the transition from light-hearted banter to serious confrontation. A smoother transition could enhance the emotional impact. Perhaps include a moment of silence or a shared glance between László and Harry before the confrontation escalates, emphasizing the shift in tone.
Suggestions
  • Revise Harry's dialogue to include more subtext, allowing for a more layered confrontation that hints at underlying tensions without being overly explicit.
  • Integrate William and Gordon's dialogue more closely with the main conflict, perhaps by having them comment on the implications of László's financial decisions in a way that reflects their innocence and curiosity.
  • Enhance Harry's drunkenness through more descriptive actions or speech patterns, making his character more vivid and the interaction more dynamic.
  • Build up to Harry's climactic line with a moment of heightened tension, allowing László's frustration to simmer before it boils over into confrontation.
  • Create a smoother transition between the light-hearted atmosphere and the serious confrontation, possibly by including a moment of silence or a shared look that signals the shift in tone.



Scene 44 - Departure and Aspirations
99 EXT. VISTA - MOMENTS LATER 99
LÁSZLÓ approaches ERZSÉBET, ZSÓFIA, and VAN BUREN.

LÁSZLÓ
It’s time for us to go.

VAN BUREN
You don’t want to join us for
dinner at the house?

LÁSZLÓ
We start early tomorrow. Thanks for
the event.

VAN BUREN
(to ERZSÉBET)
Does he ever take a rest?

ERZSÉBET
Never. Good night, Mr. Van Buren.

LÁSZLÓ turns ERZSÉBET in her chair and WE TRACK with them
back towards the main property. ZSÓFIA follows...

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
What’s the rush?

LÁSZLÓ
We can talk at the house.

ERZSÉBET
Can you slow down?

LÁSZLÓ
(matter-of-fact)
I am forfeiting the remainder of my
fee due to some expenses
unforeseen.

ERZSÉBET
So, that’s what the son kept
alluding to.

LÁSZLÓ
Yes. He’s a snake.

LÁSZLÓ regards ZSÓFIA just next to him.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
(Hungarian)
Don’t go near him Zsófia.

ZSÓFIA nods, appreciative of her uncle’s sentiment.

ERZSÉBET
All right, so what will that mean
for us?

LÁSZLÓ
I will figure something out.

ERZSÉBET
We will figure something out. I
suppose we can make due on my
salary.

LÁSZLÓ
-your salary?

ERZSÉBET’s tone is playful though her voice does quiver with
some concern.

ERZSÉBET
Mr. Van Buren’s helped me with a
job interview in New York City. I’m
sure once they meet me, they won’t
be able to resist me.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary LÁSZLÓ informs ERZSÉBET, ZSÓFIA, and VAN BUREN that he must leave early, declining dinner due to financial concerns. He reveals he is forfeiting part of his fee, which ERZSÉBET connects to comments from LÁSZLÓ's son. LÁSZLÓ warns ZSÓFIA to avoid his son, while ERZSÉBET maintains a light-hearted tone, expressing optimism about a job opportunity in New York City. The scene captures a mix of urgency and humor, highlighting the tension surrounding financial issues and future aspirations.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Compelling themes
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited character transformation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the financial dilemma faced by László and Erzsébet's supportive nature, setting up potential future developments. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of financial struggle and hope for the future is compelling and adds depth to the characters. The introduction of Erzsébet's job opportunity in New York City opens up new possibilities for the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the revelation of László's financial sacrifice and Erzsébet's potential job opportunity. These developments create tension and anticipation for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to familial relationships and financial struggles, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel true to the setting and context.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of László and Erzsébet are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their relationship dynamics and individual strengths. Their interactions reveal depth and complexity, adding layers to the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there is no significant character transformation in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of László and Erzsébet's relationship dynamics. Their interactions reveal their strengths and vulnerabilities, setting the stage for potential growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain stability and security for herself and her family in the face of unexpected financial challenges. This reflects her deeper need for safety and control over her life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the financial repercussions of forfeiting part of her fee and find a solution to the situation. This reflects the immediate challenge of securing financial stability.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is internal conflict related to financial strain and uncertainty, the scene lacks external conflict or high stakes. The tension arises from the characters' personal struggles rather than external threats.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged in the protagonist's struggles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in this scene, as László's financial sacrifice and Erzsébet's job opportunity have significant implications for their future. While not life-threatening, these challenges add tension and complexity to the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing new challenges and opportunities for the characters. It sets up future conflicts and developments, driving the narrative towards resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected financial twist and the ambiguous resolution of the protagonist's situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around trust and betrayal, as seen in the protagonist's interactions with the snake-like character and her reliance on Mr. Van Buren for help. This challenges her beliefs in loyalty and honesty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from concern over László's financial situation to hope for Erzsébet's job opportunity. The characters' vulnerability and resilience resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters' motivations and emotions. The conversations feel natural and contribute to the scene's overall impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the dynamic interactions between characters, the sense of urgency, and the unresolved financial conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through dynamic character interactions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows expected formatting for its genre, with clear character cues and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character interactions and dialogue, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the previous tension with Harry Lee, providing a moment of relief and intimacy among László, Erzsébet, and Zsófia. However, the emotional weight of the previous scene could be better reflected in the dialogue and interactions here. The abrupt shift from confrontation to a more mundane conversation about dinner feels slightly jarring.
  • László's character is consistent in his determination and work ethic, but his matter-of-fact tone when discussing forfeiting his fee lacks emotional depth. This could be an opportunity to explore his internal conflict regarding financial stability and family responsibilities, which would add layers to his character.
  • Erzsébet's playful tone when discussing her job interview is a nice touch, but it contrasts sharply with the serious implications of László's financial situation. This could be an opportunity to deepen the emotional stakes by having Erzsébet express more concern or frustration about their circumstances, rather than keeping the tone light.
  • The use of Hungarian dialogue adds authenticity and depth to the relationship between László and Zsófia, but it may alienate some viewers who do not understand the language. Including a brief translation or context could enhance accessibility without losing the authenticity of their bond.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat unresolved note regarding their financial situation. While this can create tension for future scenes, it might benefit from a stronger emotional resolution or a more explicit acknowledgment of their struggles to keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where László reflects on the implications of forfeiting his fee, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a more emotional exchange with Erzsébet. This would enhance the stakes and provide insight into his character's motivations.
  • Incorporate more physicality in the scene to convey the emotional weight of the conversation. For example, László could pause to look at the ground or fidget with his hands when discussing financial issues, indicating his discomfort.
  • Explore Erzsébet's feelings about the job opportunity in New York City further. Perhaps she could express doubts or fears about leaving, which would add complexity to her character and the dynamics of their relationship.
  • Consider having Zsófia interject with her own thoughts or feelings about the situation, which could provide a fresh perspective and deepen the family dynamic.
  • To enhance the emotional impact, you might include a moment of silence or a shared look between the characters after discussing the financial situation, allowing the weight of their circumstances to settle before moving on.



Scene 45 - Reflections on Loss
100 INT. GUEST HOUSE - NIGHT 100
LÁSZLÓ, ERZSÉBET, ZSÓFIA, GORDON, and WILLIAM sit for a
peasant’s supper that ERZSÉBET’s prepared for them.

GORDON
Thank you for the supper, Mrs.
Toth.

ERZSÉBET
I thought we might have our own
little party to celebrate all of
your hard work. You’ve come so far,
the both of you.

GORDON
Oh, it’s not mine really.

ERZSÉBET
(pointedly)
That’s not what László tells me. He
says he couldn’t have done it
without you.

LÁSZLÓ looks a little embarrassed at the affection he’s
expressed in private for his colleague and friend.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
Do you have a misses at home,
Gordon?

GORDON
(mournful)
William’s mother, Augusta, passed
away in ‘43- she got sick and died
of a damned tooth infection of all
things.

ERZSÉBET directs her attention to WILLIAM.

ERZSÉBET
I am very sorry to hear that, and I
am terribly sorry for your loss.

GORDON
He’s all right. He was too young
then to remember much, and I was
gone training two years in Arizona
before they shipped us all off to
Naples, Italy; 92nd Infantry
Division. They wouldn’t let me back
home all that time, not once.
Augusta’s sister looked after him
until I got back. Kept me alive
though, knowing he was waiting for
me.

GORDON puts a hand on his teenage son’s back.

GORDON (CONT'D)
Kept me good and alive, thank
goodness.

ERZSÉBET blurts out.

ERZSÉBET
Zsofia’s mother passed.

ZSÓFIA, previously emotive, turns to stone.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
Losing a mother- it’s an
unfathomable loss, you see. To lose
one’s birth mother is to lose the
very foundation on which we stand.

ERZSÉBET turns to WILLIAM...

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
The mind may not know its loss but
the heart does.

WILLIAM finally speaks for himself.

WILLIAM
I remember her.

GORDON
That’s because I’ve told you so
much about her. You were too small.

WILLIAM is defiant.

WILLIAM
No, I remember Augusta. I just
wanted to make it easier on you.


101 INT. GUEST HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - LATER 101
ERZSÉBET smokes leafing through her husband’s drawings. After
some time, LÁSZLÓ enters from behind her...

LÁSZLÓ
What are you doing?

She doesn’t turn around to regard him. She keeps observing
what’s in front of her.

ERZSÉBET
Oh, I’m just looking at you.

LÁSZLÓ smiles, kisses the back of her neck.

LÁSZLÓ
What do you think?

ERZSÉBET
It’s unusual. Even for you.

LÁSZLÓ
You think so?

ERZSÉBET
Many rooms are quite small. The
ceilings are high...

LÁSZLÓ
Yes. Inside, you must look upwards.

ERZSÉBET
So, which part of it are we paying
for?

LÁSZLÓ
The height of the ceilings. The
glass above.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a guest house during a peasant's supper, Erzsébet leads a heartfelt discussion about loss, prompting Gordon to share his sorrow over his late wife, Augusta, and William to assert his memories of her. Zsófia becomes emotionally distant when her mother's death is mentioned. Later, Erzsébet and László share a tender moment while looking through her husband's drawings, reflecting on their living space and the emotional weight of their conversations.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action or plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong focus on character development and emotional depth. The dialogue is poignant, and the interactions between the characters feel authentic and meaningful.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on shared memories and emotional connections, is well-developed and effectively conveyed through the dialogue and character interactions. The scene explores themes of loss, family, and resilience in a poignant and meaningful way.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the shared meal and the emotional revelations that unfold during the conversation. It effectively advances the characters' development and deepens the emotional stakes of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on grief and loss, exploring the impact of memory and connection in a nuanced way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed and complex, with each one contributing to the emotional depth and thematic richness of the scene. Their interactions feel authentic and nuanced, adding layers to the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional growth and introspection during the scene, leading to deeper connections and revelations. The shared meal serves as a catalyst for personal reflection and change.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the emotional complexities of loss and grief, as seen through the conversations about deceased loved ones. This reflects their deeper need for connection and understanding.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain a sense of normalcy and camaraderie during the supper, despite the heavy emotional topics being discussed.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is emotional tension and conflict in the scene, it is more internal and reflective, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and past experiences rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the characters' internal struggles and conflicting emotions, creating a sense of tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 6

While the emotional stakes are high for the characters in terms of personal growth and connection, there are no immediate external threats or conflicts that raise the stakes to a higher level.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' relationships and revealing important emotional truths. It adds depth and complexity to the narrative, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and character dynamics that unfold, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the different ways characters cope with loss and grief, challenging their beliefs about memory and healing.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of sadness, hope, and affection from the audience. The characters' emotional revelations and connections create a powerful and moving experience for the viewers.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and reflective, capturing the emotional nuances of the characters' interactions. It effectively conveys the themes of loss, family, and resilience, adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth and relatable themes, drawing the audience into the characters' personal struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its emotional impact, allowing moments of tension and reflection to breathe and resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of dialogue and character interactions, building tension and emotional depth effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of intimacy and vulnerability among the characters, particularly through the dialogue about loss and memory. However, the transition from the communal supper to the more private moment between László and Erzsébet could be smoother. The shift feels abrupt, and a more gradual transition could enhance the emotional flow.
  • Erzsébet's dialogue about loss is poignant and serves to deepen the emotional stakes of the scene. However, it may benefit from a more nuanced exploration of Zsófia's feelings. Her reaction to the mention of her mother is significant, yet it could be further developed to show her internal struggle, perhaps through a brief flashback or a more visceral reaction.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly Erzsébet's comments about the loss of a mother. While the sentiment is important, consider using subtext or metaphor to convey these feelings more subtly, allowing the audience to infer the depth of the characters' emotions.
  • Gordon's backstory about his wife adds depth to his character, but it could be more tightly woven into the overall narrative. Consider integrating his story with the themes of loss and memory that are central to the scene, perhaps by drawing parallels between his experience and Zsófia's.
  • The visual elements in the scene are somewhat lacking. While the dialogue is rich, the setting could be described in more detail to create a stronger atmosphere. Consider incorporating sensory details that evoke the warmth of the supper or the emotional weight of the conversations.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the transition between the supper scene and the living room by adding a brief moment of silence or a shared glance among the characters, signaling a shift in mood.
  • Develop Zsófia's emotional response to her mother's loss further, perhaps by including a moment where she physically reacts, such as looking away or tearing up, to emphasize her internal conflict.
  • Revise some of Erzsébet's lines to incorporate more subtext. For example, instead of stating the impact of losing a mother directly, she could share a memory that illustrates the feeling without explicitly stating it.
  • Integrate Gordon's backstory more seamlessly into the conversation, perhaps by having him draw a direct comparison between his experience and Zsófia's, which could create a moment of connection between the characters.
  • Add more descriptive elements to the setting, such as the aroma of the food, the warmth of the room, or the flickering light from candles, to create a more immersive atmosphere that complements the emotional weight of the dialogue.



Scene 46 - Contrasts of Faith and Catastrophe
102 EXT. VISTA - DAY 102
VARIOUS ANGLES OF MEN AT WORK. The vista has transformed into
an active construction site on a grand scale. LÁSZLÓ and
GORDON supervise as their crew lays the rest of the concrete
foundation.


INT. THE CONGREGATION MIKVEH ISRAEL - MIKVEH

LÁSZLÓ, ERZSÉBET, ZSÓFIA, and MICHAEL & MICHELLE HOFFMAN file
into a corridor towards the basement that’s been set up for a
makeshift service at Yom Kippur. ERZSÉBET laughs a bit at the
banal functionality of their surroundings.

ERZSÉBET
The service is in here?

MICHELLE HOFFMAN nods.

MICHELLE HOFFMAN
(clarifies)
For the overflow.

ERZSÉBET
Because of the holiday?

MICHELLE HOFFMAN
The community is growing.


INT. THE CONGREGATION MIKVEH ISRAEL - LATER

LÁSZLÓ and MICHAEL HOFFMAN wear Talith reciting the Viddui,
rhythmically pounding their chests in accordance with the
prayer.

LÁSZLÓ AND MICHAEL
(chanting in Hebrew)
We have stolen, slandered, sinned…
We were wicked, malicious, have
taken, and lied
We’ve been evil and given harmful
advice…

LÁSZLÓ hits his chest with considerable force.


105 EXT. TRAIN DEPOT - MORNING 105
Crew men load monolithic slabs of pre-cast concrete onto a
flat bed train car.

MEN
Careful, careful!


106 EXT. MEADOW - RAILROAD - EVENING 106
CUE: The score imitates the Hebrew Cantillation. It swells,
magnificent.

LÁSZLÓ (O.S.)
(chanting in Hebrew)
We have deceived, mocked-

ULTRA-WIDE ON -

In the distance, a long train, made small by the landscape.
Peace and beauty.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Rebelled, against god, against
others,
We are spiteful.

ANGLE ON -

The tracks rush at us on a wide-angle lens.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
We have turned away,
Deliberately.

BACK TO ULTRA-WIDE -

The train derails and explosions appear in the smoke from the
steam engine... The event is catastrophic but we are so far
away that it hardly makes a sound.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene unfolds at a construction site where LÁSZLÓ and GORDON oversee concrete work, transitioning to a makeshift Yom Kippur service at Congregation Mikveh Israel. ERZSÉBET comments on the practicality of the space, while MICHELLE HOFFMAN explains the need for overflow due to community growth. LÁSZLÓ and MICHAEL HOFFMAN recite the Viddui prayer, embodying themes of sin and repentance. The atmosphere shifts from communal reflection to foreboding as the scene moves to a train depot, culminating in a serene meadow. This tranquility is abruptly shattered by a distant train derailment and explosion, contrasting sharply with the earlier solemnity.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Tension building
  • Revealing personal struggles
Weaknesses
  • Awkward silence
  • Tension in family dynamics
  • Physical altercation
  • Misunderstandings
  • Professional disagreements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys emotional depth through the reunion of László and Erzsébet, the revelation of Erzsébet's illness, and the tension surrounding the architectural plans. The dialogue and character interactions are engaging, and the scene moves the story forward while setting up future conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reuniting loved ones, revealing personal struggles, and introducing conflicts related to architectural plans is compelling. The scene effectively balances emotional moments with thematic elements related to family, health, and professional challenges.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the reunion of László and Erzsébet, the revelation of Erzsébet's illness, and the conflicts surrounding architectural plans. These elements drive the narrative forward, deepen character relationships, and set up future developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the intersection of spirituality and modernity, with authentic character interactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with László and Erzsébet displaying emotional depth and complexity. Their interactions reveal layers of their personalities, relationships, and struggles. Supporting characters like Zsófia and Van Buren add depth to the dynamics within the group.

Character Changes: 8

The scene shows emotional growth and vulnerability in László and Erzsébet as they navigate their reunion, reveal personal struggles, and confront conflicts. Their interactions lead to moments of introspection, reassurance, and connection, indicating subtle changes in their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find meaning and connection in the midst of banal surroundings and routine prayers. This reflects their deeper need for spiritual fulfillment and a sense of belonging.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to oversee the construction work and ensure the success of the community service for Yom Kippur. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing their spiritual and practical responsibilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains interpersonal conflicts related to family dynamics, professional disagreements, and personal struggles. The tensions between characters add depth to the narrative and set the stage for future confrontations and resolutions.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene adds complexity and uncertainty, creating a sense of conflict and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, with personal, professional, and emotional challenges facing the characters. The outcome of their interactions, decisions, and conflicts could have significant consequences for their relationships and future endeavors.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening character relationships, introducing conflicts, and setting up future plot developments. It establishes key themes, emotional arcs, and narrative threads that will impact the trajectory of the story.

Unpredictability: 7.5

The scene is unpredictable in its juxtaposition of traditional religious practices with modern construction work, keeping the audience intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the juxtaposition of spiritual reflection and industrial progress. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the importance of tradition and community in the face of modernization and growth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of empathy, sadness, hope, and tension. The reunion between László and Erzsébet, the revelation of Erzsébet's illness, and the conflicts surrounding architectural plans evoke strong emotional responses from the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and authentic, capturing the emotional nuances of the characters' interactions. The conversations reveal insights into their relationships, personal struggles, and conflicting perspectives. The dialogue effectively conveys the tone and themes of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of spiritual reflection, industrial activity, and character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, enhancing the impact of key moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively balances the protagonist's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the construction site to the makeshift service, showcasing the juxtaposition between László's professional life and his spiritual obligations. However, the shift could be more fluid; consider adding a visual or auditory cue that connects the two settings more seamlessly.
  • The dialogue between Erzsébet and Michelle Hoffman serves to establish the context of the service, but it feels somewhat expository. Instead of directly stating the reasons for the overflow, consider incorporating subtext or a more natural conversation that reveals this information organically.
  • The chanting of the Viddui prayer is a powerful moment, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. László's physicality, such as the force with which he hits his chest, could be expanded upon to convey the weight of his sins and the gravity of the moment. This could be enhanced by showing his internal struggle or reflections on his past.
  • The transition to the train depot and the subsequent explosion is visually striking, but the emotional impact may be diluted by the distance of the camera. Consider using a closer shot or a character's reaction to the explosion to heighten the tension and emotional stakes of the moment.
  • The use of Hebrew chanting adds a layer of authenticity and cultural depth, but it may alienate viewers unfamiliar with the language. Including subtitles or a brief context about the significance of the prayer could help bridge this gap and enhance audience engagement.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the transition between the construction site and the service by incorporating a visual motif, such as a character carrying a tool that symbolizes both work and faith.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it feel more natural and less expository. Perhaps have Erzsébet express her surprise or concern about the makeshift service in a more personal way.
  • Deepen László's emotional connection to the Viddui prayer by including a brief flashback or internal monologue that reflects on his past actions, making the moment more poignant.
  • Consider using a close-up shot of László's face during the explosion to capture his reaction, which could amplify the emotional weight of the scene and create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • If using Hebrew chanting, consider providing context through subtitles or a brief voiceover that explains the significance of the prayer, making it accessible to all viewers.



Scene 47 - Chaos and Consequences
107 INT. GUEST HOUSE BEDROOM - NIGHT 107
ERZSÉBET wakes up in bed wailing. LÁSZLÓ is alert, terrified.

LÁSZLÓ
What’s happening?!

ERZSÉBET
It’s too much!

LÁSZLÓ
What’s too much?!

She lets out another primal scream.

ERZSÉBET
The pain is too much. I need
Zsófia! She has my medication.

LÁSZLÓ stumbles out of bed and exits. ERZSÉBET writhes in the
sheets.

108 INT. VISTA - CONSTRUCTION SITE - OFFICE TRAILER - DAY 108
LÁSZLÓ, HARRY LEE, VAN BUREN, and two ENGINEERS are huddled
into the back of a makeshift office space on the lot. LESLIE
WOODROW holds a telephone to his ear...

LESLIE WOODROW
I have everyone here with me now,
yes.

Beat.

LESLIE WOODROW (CONT'D)
I see. Well, please let us know if
there is anything at all we can do.
We are terribly sorry for the news.

Beat.

LESLIE WOODROW (CONT'D)
On tenterhooks at this end so give
me a ring here when you have
something.

LESLIE hangs up the phone.

LESLIE WOODROW (CONT'D)
A big section came undone, he
couldn’t tell me which one for
certain, and it took seven freight
cars along with it.

VAN BUREN slams his hands on the desk.

VAN BUREN
(shouts)
How the hell did you find these
people, Leslie?!

HARRY LEE
Transpo company is our own, Dad-

VAN BUREN
WHAT?!

HARRY LEE
We sent our own guys to Charleston.

LESLIE WOODROW
The rail cars were ours too... It
was cheaper given all the back and
forth. It’s well over a hundred
shipments, Harrison.

VAN BUREN
You don’t utter another goddamned
word to the rail company until
Michael can advise.

LESLIE WOODROW
I’m hoping to have more answers for
you soon, sir.

LÁSZLÓ
How far is it? Can we see what can
be salvaged?

LESLIE WOODROW
The accident put two brakemen in
the hospital. It’s a real mess out
there.

VAN BUREN
Send their families flowers for
Christ’s sake-

Beat.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Wait. Don’t. Looks guilty.

HARRY LEE
I’ll call Michael.

HARRY LEE exits.

LESLIE WOODROW
What would you like me to do in the
meantime?

VAN BUREN
With what?

LESLIE WOODROW
Our crew.

VAN BUREN
Let them go.

LÁSZLÓ looks sick.

LÁSZLÓ
Sir, you can’t-

VAN BUREN
I CAN! YES! YES, I CAN!

VAN BUREN paces furiously.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
People are going to write about
this! I’m staring down the barrel
of the next two years of my
goddamned life, Mr. Toth! What if
one of them dies? What if both of
them die? Who’s going to pay for
it? Are you going to pay for it?!

LESLIE WOODROW
László, in the interest of
transparency, before I came to
retrieve you, I had already advised
Mr. Van Buren to cut his losses-

VAN BUREN
Shut up, Leslie.

LESLIE swallows, humiliated. VAN BUREN exhales.

LÁSZLÓ
Sir, please.

VAN BUREN
Don’t beg. It’s unbecoming. You’re
welcome to stay here until you’ve
found your footing elsewhere. I
have a mess to clean up.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary ErzsÉbet wakes in distress, calling for medication as László rushes to help her. The scene shifts to a construction site office where László and colleagues discuss a catastrophic train derailment. Van Buren, furious and focused on damage control, blames Leslie for the oversight and dismisses László's concerns for crew safety. The tension escalates as László feels helpless in the face of Van Buren's ruthless prioritization of business over human welfare, ending with László feeling abandoned.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and drama through the unfolding chaos at the construction site, showcasing the characters' emotional responses and the high stakes involved.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a construction site accident leading to a crisis situation is compelling and drives the conflict and character interactions in a meaningful way.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly as the characters navigate the aftermath of the accident, making crucial decisions and facing the consequences of their actions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique situation of a construction site accident and explores the ethical dilemmas and power dynamics within the aftermath. The dialogue feels authentic and reflects the characters' motivations and conflicts.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions in response to the crisis are well-developed, showcasing their individual personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo changes in their perspectives and decisions as a result of the crisis, leading to personal growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

ERZSÉBET's internal goal is to alleviate her pain and get her medication. This reflects her fear of suffering and her desire for relief.

External Goal: 7

LÁSZLÓ's external goal is to assess the damage and salvage what can be saved after the accident. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the aftermath of the accident.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-faceted, involving personal, professional, and ethical dilemmas that heighten the drama and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests and power dynamics creating obstacles for the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with lives at risk, professional reputations on the line, and personal relationships strained by the unfolding crisis.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting the stage for further developments and consequences.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the characters' conflicting motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between prioritizing profit and safety. VAN BUREN is focused on the financial implications of the accident, while LÁSZLÓ is concerned about the well-being of the injured workers.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' reactions to the crisis, creating a sense of urgency and vulnerability.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict within the scene, adding depth to the character dynamics and driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional intensity, and conflict between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and conflict, leading to a dramatic climax with VAN BUREN's outburst.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the emotional turmoil of Erzsébet's pain to the high-stakes environment of the construction site, creating a stark contrast that heightens the tension. However, the abrupt shift from a personal crisis to a corporate one may leave the audience feeling disoriented. A smoother transition could enhance the flow between these two emotionally charged moments.
  • Erzsébet's wailing and László's terrified response are powerful, but the dialogue could be more evocative. Instead of simply stating 'It’s too much!' and 'What’s too much?!', consider using more descriptive language that conveys the depth of her suffering and his panic. This would help to draw the audience deeper into their emotional states.
  • The dialogue among the characters in the office trailer is functional but lacks emotional weight. While the stakes are high due to the train derailment, the characters' reactions feel somewhat detached. Adding more personal stakes for László, such as his concern for the injured brakemen or the impact on his crew, could create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
  • Van Buren's character comes across as aggressive and self-serving, which is effective for establishing conflict. However, providing a moment of vulnerability or a hint of his own fears could add complexity to his character, making him more relatable and less one-dimensional.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial urgency of Erzsébet's distress is compelling, but the subsequent corporate dialogue slows the momentum. Consider interspersing moments of László's internal conflict or flashbacks to his relationship with Erzsébet to maintain emotional engagement while addressing the logistical issues at hand.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional dialogue between Erzsébet and László by incorporating more vivid descriptions of their feelings and fears. This could involve metaphors or similes that illustrate the intensity of their experiences.
  • Create a more seamless transition between Erzsébet's distress and the construction site by using visual or auditory cues, such as the sound of the train derailment echoing in the background as László rushes to the office trailer.
  • Deepen the stakes for László in the office scene by including a moment where he reflects on the potential consequences of the derailment for his crew, perhaps recalling a personal connection to one of the injured workers.
  • Consider adding a moment of vulnerability for Van Buren, such as a brief flash of concern for the injured workers, to add depth to his character and create a more nuanced conflict.
  • Maintain a consistent emotional tone throughout the scene by balancing the urgency of Erzsébet's situation with the corporate dialogue. This could involve interspersing László's internal thoughts or reactions to the unfolding events, keeping the audience engaged with both storylines.



Scene 48 - Breaking Point
109 EXT. VISTA - CONSTRUCTION SITE - MOMENTS LATER 109
We track left fast with LÁSZLÓ and GORDON across the
landscape.

LÁSZLÓ
I’m sorry, Gordon.

GORDON
Don’t apologize to me.

LÁSZLÓ
I can give you some money while you
look for something.

GORDON
I’ll be fine.

LÁSZLÓ
(affirmative)
You have a kid. I’ll give you
something and you’ll take it.

LÁSZLÓ stops in his tracks and looks at GORDON.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
You got any hop on you?

GORDON looks grave.

GORDON
None at all. I’m off it.

LÁSZLÓ
Good, good. That’s good to hear.


110 INT. GUEST HOUSE - LATER 110
LÁSZLÓ smashes the model in a terrible fury. ERZSÉBET
observes her husband’s tantrum, unmoved.

ERZSÉBET
You’re making me a mess to clean
up.

He continues on...

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
(shouts)
STOP IT! You’re acting like a
child.

LÁSZLÓ
It’s over.

ERZSÉBET
You have to march over there right
now and get him excited again. Keep
him engaged. You know how these
rich fellows are. For him, it’s
like refurbishing a kitchen.

LÁSZLÓ
Two people are in the hospital.

ERZSÉBET
That’s not your fault-

LÁSZLÓ
Darling, it’s over.

Silence.

FADE TO BLACK.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary LÁSZLÓ and GORDON walk through a construction site where LÁSZLÓ expresses regret and offers financial help, but GORDON, now drug-free, insists he can manage on his own. The scene shifts to LÁSZLÓ in a guest house, where he erupts in anger, destroying a model. His wife, ERZSÉBET, chastises him for his outburst and urges him to reconnect with a wealthy client, emphasizing the importance of their situation. LÁSZLÓ, feeling defeated, declares that it's over, leading to a tense silence before the scene fades to black.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Impactful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional intensity and conflict between the characters, drawing the audience into their tumultuous relationship. The dialogue and actions reveal deep-seated tensions and vulnerabilities, creating a compelling and impactful moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of reaching a breaking point in a relationship under external pressures is effectively explored, adding layers of complexity to the characters and their interactions. The scene delves into themes of conflict, responsibility, and emotional turmoil.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as the scene delves into the strained relationship between László and Erzsébet, setting the stage for further developments and character arcs. The conflict and emotional turmoil drive the narrative forward, adding depth to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique personal and professional conflicts, with authentic character actions and dialogue. It offers fresh approaches to familiar themes of struggle and decision-making.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of László and Erzsébet are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, frustrations, and complexities. The emotional depth and conflict between them add layers to their personalities and relationships, making them compelling and relatable.

Character Changes: 8

Both László and Erzsébet undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, revealing their vulnerabilities, frustrations, and complexities. The intense conflict and emotional turmoil lead to a moment of reckoning and reflection for the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with personal struggles and make difficult decisions. It reflects his deeper needs for closure and resolution.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to deal with a professional situation and manage relationships effectively. It reflects the immediate challenges he is facing in his work and personal life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and emotionally charged, reaching a breaking point between László and Erzsébet. The tensions and frustrations between the characters drive the narrative forward, creating a compelling and impactful moment.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as László and Erzsébet reach a breaking point in their relationship under external pressures. The emotional turmoil and conflict have significant consequences for the characters, adding tension and depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by delving into the strained relationship between László and Erzsébet, setting the stage for further developments and character arcs. The emotional turmoil and conflict drive the narrative towards a pivotal moment.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting goals and the tense emotional dynamics. The audience is unsure of how the situation will resolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between personal responsibility and professional obligations. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about loyalty and duty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the intense turmoil and vulnerability of the characters. The raw emotions, frustrations, and vulnerabilities on display create a powerful and memorable moment for viewers.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the tension and turmoil between László and Erzsébet. The exchanges reveal deep-seated emotions, frustrations, and vulnerabilities, enhancing the scene's intensity and engagement.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional moments and the conflict between characters. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and allowing emotional moments to resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise action lines.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and impactful dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures László's emotional turmoil and frustration, particularly through his destructive behavior with the model. This physical manifestation of his inner conflict is a strong visual choice that conveys his sense of helplessness and anger. However, the transition from the outdoor conversation with Gordon to the indoor tantrum feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • Gordon's character is underutilized in this scene. While he expresses his resolve to stay off drugs, the dialogue could delve deeper into his emotional state or past struggles, providing more context for his relationship with László. This would create a more dynamic interaction and add depth to both characters.
  • Erzsébet's reaction to László's tantrum is somewhat passive. While her line about cleaning up the mess is humorous, it could be more impactful if she displayed a stronger emotional response to László's breakdown. This would highlight the strain in their relationship and the weight of their circumstances.
  • The dialogue between László and Erzsébet is functional but lacks subtext. Their exchanges could benefit from more layered dialogue that hints at their shared history and the complexities of their relationship. This would make their conflict feel more personal and relatable.
  • The scene ends on a note of silence, which is effective in conveying the weight of László's despair. However, it might be more powerful if it included a brief moment of connection or understanding between László and Erzsébet before fading to black. This could serve to emphasize the emotional stakes and the impact of their struggles on their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or dialogue from Gordon that reveals more about his character and his relationship with László. This could enhance the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Introduce a visual or auditory cue that transitions the audience from the outdoor conversation to the indoor scene, such as the sound of the model breaking echoing in the background as László enters the guest house.
  • Enhance Erzsébet's emotional response to László's tantrum. Perhaps she could express her own frustrations or fears, which would create a more dynamic interaction and deepen their conflict.
  • Incorporate subtext into the dialogue between László and Erzsébet. This could involve references to past experiences or shared memories that inform their current emotional states, making their conflict feel more layered.
  • Consider ending the scene with a moment of connection between László and Erzsébet, such as a shared look or a brief touch, before the fade to black. This could highlight the complexity of their relationship amidst the chaos.



Scene 49 - Tensions of Departure
111 EXT. NEW YORK CITY’S MIDTOWN EAST (MURRAY HILL) - DAY 111
VIEW FROM THE EAST RIVER TOWARDS THE UNITED NATIONS AND THE
SURROUNDING NEW YORK CITY SKYLINE.

CROSS DISSOLVE:


INT. MIDTOWN EAST STREET LOBBY - CONTINUOUS

WE PAN off sliding glass doors as MICHAEL HOFFMAN enters the
lobby of the office building.


113 INT. RUDOLPH HEYWOOD & ASSOCIATES LOBBY - MOMENTS LATER 113
MICHAEL HOFFMAN approaches the firm’s RECEPTIONIST.

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
Looking for Rudolph Heywood and
Associates.

RECEPTIONIST
Beg your pardon, sir, but who is it
that you’re looking for?

MICHAEL HOFFMAN
László. Toth. He draws there.


She reviews a form in front of her.

RECEPTIONIST
Could I ask you to spell that? Oh,
yes- I see him. Draftsmen are right
upstairs.



114 INT. RUDOLPH HEYWOOD & ASSOCIATES DRAWING ROOM - MOMENTS 114
LATER

WE STEADICAM up the stairs and across the space with MICHAEL
HOFFMAN past thirty or so men with hair cut close to the
scalp and short neckties all hunched over desks and easels.

PUSH IN ON LÁSZLÓ, who has aged and further decayed somewhat.
He smokes a pipe at a drawing board. A green desk lamp
highlights an inscrutable expression.

There’s visible bruising, track marks, where his sleeves are
rolled up.


115 INT. LÁSZLÓ AND ERZSÉBET’S TENEMENT - KITCHEN - NIGHT 115
ERZSÉBET and LÁSZLÓ sit across from ZSÓFIA and her husband,
BINYAMIN, an orthodox Jewish man. ZSÓFIA is five months
pregnant and speaking again.

ZSÓFIA
(soft-spoken)
We have some news.

LÁSZLÓ
As do I.

ERZSÉBET
Oh, how exciting. What is it
László?

LÁSZLÓ
Please. Zsófia, go ahead.

ZSÓFIA
We are making Aliyah.

ERZSÉBET looks a little heartbroken.

ERZSÉBET
What?

ZSÓFIA
We are going to Jerusalem.

ERZSÉBET
Yes, I heard you.

ZSÓFIA
Binyamin has family there.

BINYAMIN
My older brothers relocated with
their families in 1950. They became
citizens.

ERZSÉBET nods, considers this.

ERZSÉBET
Life is difficult there. Have you
thought this through?

ZSÓFIA
It is our obligation.

LÁSZLÓ
To whom?

ZSÓFIA
Our repatriation is our liberation.

LÁSZLÓ swats at the air, starting to get worked up.

LÁSZLÓ
Where will you live? Where will you
work?

BINYAMIN
We can stay with my brother’s
family when we first arrive.

ERZSÉBET silences LÁSZLÓ by resting her hand on his.

ERZSÉBET
I was planning to help with the
baby.

BINYAMIN
My brother’s wife can help, also.

ZSÓFIA
I am Jewish. My child is Jewish.
It’s time for us to go home.

ERZSÉBET snaps.

ERZSÉBET
Does it somehow make us less Jewish
that we are here?

Silence.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
Oh, I see, perhaps Binyamin did not
recognize me to begin with-

ZSÓFIA
He does.

Beat.

ERZSÉBET
I’m sorry.

ZSÓFIA
No, I am sorry.

ERZSÉBET
No, it’s wonderful news and we
reacted badly out of self-interest.
We are simply...

ERZSÉBET’s voice cracks and she begins to cry.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
-going to miss you.

ZSÓFIA
Well, we would like you to come.

ERZSÉBET wipes her tears away trying to pull herself
together.

ERZSÉBET
Dear, we have jobs here.

ZSÓFIA
You can have a better job in
Israel.

ERZSÉBET
I like my job!

ZSÓFIA
A woman’s column. It’s beneath you.

ERZSÉBET
I write for a paper and I’m paid
for it! How many women my age could
make the same claim?

There’s a heavy silence.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
(deadpan)
What’s your news, László?

LÁSZLÓ
Harrison’s asked me back.

ERZSÉBET looks up at him.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Michael came by the office today.
Insurance monies came through. They
plan to forego the library to
compensate for legal expenses but
they want to complete the project.

ERZSÉBET
What about your job here at
Heywood?

Silence.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
You throw everything up in the air,
just like that?

ERZSÉBET sulks.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
I don’t like that man.

LÁSZLÓ
You scarcely knew him.

ERZSÉBET
He dropped you as quickly as he
took you on.

Beat.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
You’ve already said yes, I take it?

No response.

LÁSZLÓ
He’s in Roma on business and would
like me to join him to review
marbles for the altarpiece in
Carrara.

ERZSÉBET
See! I told you that for him it’s
like doing a kitchen!

ERZSÉBET is embarrassed by their public dispute.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
Everyone is leaving me.

ZSÓFIA
No, it isn’t true.

ERZSÉBET
Isn’t it?

ZSÓFIA
No. Uncle László is leaving you
only a short time.

LÁSZLÓ
Some days.

ZSÓFIA
And I will visit and so will you.
We will find a way.

LÁSZLÓ
I can arrange to have you dropped
and picked up at the newspaper
while I’m gone.

ERZSÉBET
It’s not just this trip. You’ll be
at Doylestown again now... I’ll be
fine on my own.

LÁSZLÓ
I will make arrangements.


116 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - BEDROOM - NIGHT 116
ERZSÉBET holds on to LÁSZLÓ for dear life.

ERZSÉBET
Promise you won’t let it drive you
mad.

LÁSZLÓ
I promise.


117 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - BATHROOM - MORNING 117
In a small toiletry pouch with his shaving kit, LÁSZLÓ pulls
out a small syringe and spoon. He makes an internal decision
and dismantles the syringe, making it less recognizable at a
glance. He tucks it back in the pouch for safe-keeping and
places it in his luggage.

ERZSÉBET (O.S.)
It’s time to go! You’ll be late!

CROSS DISSOLVE:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Michael Hoffman searches for László Toth in a New York office, leading to a tense dinner in László and Erzsébet's kitchen. Zsófia announces her family's move to Jerusalem, causing Erzsébet emotional distress and feelings of abandonment. László reveals he may return to work with Harrison, heightening the tension. The scene concludes with Erzsébet clinging to László, seeking a promise that he won't let the situation drive him mad.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is well-crafted, with strong emotional depth, tension, and character development. It effectively conveys the internal struggles and conflicting emotions of the characters, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of departure, family obligations, and sacrifice is effectively explored through the characters' interactions and decisions. The scene delves deep into the emotional and psychological aspects of facing significant life changes.

Plot: 8.4

The plot progression in the scene revolves around the characters' decisions to leave, the emotional conflicts that arise, and the impact of these choices on their relationships. It moves the story forward by introducing key developments and character arcs.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to cultural and personal conflicts, as well as the authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue. The writer introduces unique situations and challenges traditional narratives.


Character Development

Characters: 8.9

The characters are well-developed, with complex emotions and motivations driving their actions. The scene effectively showcases their internal struggles, desires, and conflicts, making them relatable and engaging.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional changes and realizations in the scene, particularly in relation to their decisions to leave, their family obligations, and their personal sacrifices. These changes drive the narrative and character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to reconcile his personal and professional life decisions with the expectations and desires of his loved ones. This reflects his deeper need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to make a decision regarding his job offer and potential project in Roma, balancing his career aspirations with his personal relationships.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.3

The scene has a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from the characters' internal struggles, conflicting desires, and emotional turmoil. The tension and emotional stakes drive the narrative forward and create engaging dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotional stakes driving the character interactions. The audience is left uncertain of the outcome, adding suspense and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The scene has high stakes in terms of the characters' decisions to leave, the impact on their relationships, and the personal sacrifices they must make. The emotional and narrative consequences of these choices heighten the tension and drama.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key developments, character arcs, and emotional conflicts. It sets the stage for future events and explores important themes and relationships, adding depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and unexpected emotional revelations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the relationships will evolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between personal fulfillment and familial obligations. The protagonist's desire for professional success conflicts with his loved ones' expectations of loyalty and stability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of heartbreak, hope, and resentment from the characters and the audience. The raw emotions, personal sacrifices, and deep connections explored make it a poignant and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 8.7

The dialogue in the scene is poignant, reflective, and emotionally charged. It effectively conveys the characters' inner thoughts, conflicts, and relationships, adding depth and authenticity to the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, complex character relationships, and thematic depth. The audience is drawn into the characters' dilemmas and conflicts.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of introspection and character growth to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, providing clear visual cues and transitions for seamless storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and emotional depth through well-paced dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional tension surrounding Zsófia's announcement of making Aliyah, which serves as a pivotal moment for the characters. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when characters reiterate their motivations and feelings. This could be streamlined to maintain a more natural flow.
  • ErzsÉbet's emotional response is poignant, but the transition from her initial reaction to her eventual acceptance feels slightly abrupt. More gradual development of her feelings could enhance the emotional impact and provide a clearer arc for her character in this moment.
  • The conflict between László and Erzsébet regarding his potential job with Harrison is compelling, but it could benefit from more subtext. Their arguments could reveal deeper insecurities and fears, rather than just surface-level disagreements. This would add layers to their relationship and make the stakes feel higher.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven, particularly in the dialogue exchanges. Some lines feel rushed, while others linger too long. A more rhythmic dialogue structure could help maintain tension and engagement throughout the scene.
  • The visual elements, such as the setting of the tenement kitchen and the characters' physical states, are well-established. However, incorporating more sensory details (like the smell of food or the sounds of the city outside) could further immerse the audience in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate redundancy and enhance the natural flow of conversation. Focus on showing rather than telling, allowing the characters' emotions to emerge through their actions and reactions.
  • Develop Erzsébet's emotional journey more gradually. Perhaps include a moment where she reflects on her own past or fears about losing her family, which would make her eventual acceptance feel more earned.
  • Infuse the argument between László and Erzsébet with more subtext. Allow their dialogue to hint at deeper issues in their relationship, such as fears of abandonment or feelings of inadequacy, to create a richer conflict.
  • Revise the pacing of the dialogue to create a more dynamic rhythm. Use pauses and interruptions to reflect the emotional stakes and tension in the conversation, making it feel more organic.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more vivid atmosphere. Describe the kitchen's warmth, the sounds of the city, or the taste of the food to draw the audience deeper into the moment.



Scene 50 - Cultural Tensions in Carrara
118 EXT. CARRARA TOWN SQUARE - CAFE - DAY 118
A perfect portrait of VAN BUREN in a white suit.

ANGLE ON -

LÁSZLÓ and VAN BUREN sip coffees and smoke at an outdoor
table, the sunlight is brilliant and white hot.

VAN BUREN
I must say, Mr. Toth, you look a
mess. I’d expect your Elizabeth to
be taking better care of you.

LÁSZLÓ
The years have been difficult.

VAN BUREN
For us all! For us all!

VAN BUREN regards his watch.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Where in the hell is he?

LÁSZLÓ
I am sure he will be along any
minute.

Beat.

VAN BUREN
This is why I never do business
with Italians. They are the spics
of Europe.

LÁSZLÓ points.

LÁSZLÓ
That’s him.

ANGLE ON -

A middle-aged man, ORAZIO, on approach. He waves
enthusiastically at LÁSZLÓ.

ORAZIO
(calls out)
Ciao amico Laz-o!

ORAZIO reaches him and embraces him.

LÁSZLÓ
Nice to see you.

He kisses LÁSZLÓ and extends his hand to VAN BUREN. ORAZIO is
missing two fingers on his right hand so he offers him his
left.

ORAZIO
Orazio, a pleasure to meet you. I
will take a quick coffee and we
will go.

VAN BUREN nods. ORAZIO heads inside the cafe.

VAN BUREN
What happened to his hand?

LÁSZLÓ
Dangerous work-


119 EXT. CARRARA MARBLE QUARRY - LATER 119
Dramatic skies frame a sea of white marble. Shapes that
resemble small pueblos without entrances emerge from the
rock. Channeling machines pillage the earth, excavating
marble, Venato, Arabescato, and Cardoso stone. The air
whistles. The sun bears down.

HANDHELD ON -

VAN BUREN, ORAZIO and LÁSZLÓ walk across the massive lower
flatbed of the quarry. Colossal blocks of stone encircle
them.

ORAZIO
You are tough, Mr. Laz-o, you know?
Not so many people I see anymore
from before the war.

VAN BUREN
I’ve worn the wrong shoes for this
trek. May, I take your arm László?

LÁSZLÓ takes VAN BUREN by the arm, steadying him.

ORAZIO
Step where I step and you’ll be all
right.

ORAZIO leads them further and further.

ORAZIO (CONT'D)
I’m not surprised to see you
though! Some people; you just knew
somehow they would be all right.
You are stubborn! I am stubborn
too. I am so stubborn, I never
leave it here! I traveled only once
in twenty years to Giulino, Azzano
to beat the corpse of Mussolini
with my own hands. Those of us
here, my colleagues, we are
anarchisti, the resistance. No one
knows the quarries like us. We led
members of the Esercito Nazionale
Repubblicano into the caves here,
captured them, dropped stones on
them.

They come upon a beautiful alcove of dark stone.

ORAZIO (CONT'D)
Here we are... It’s beautiful, no?
The channeling will be done here in
one month. If you like it, we can
have it fixed and ready for you in
April.

VAN BUREN is once again enchanted. He walks all around it,
presses his cheek to it. It’s sensual, fetishistic.

VAN BUREN
It’s beautiful. Exactly as you
described, László.

ORAZIO
If you like, I tell the boys and we
bring it to my atelier when the
stone is cut.

LÁSZLÓ
We like it.


120 INT. ORAZIO’S ATELIER - NIGHT 120
CUE: Mina’s “You are my destiny.’ The lively music blasts
through the space, an echo chamber.

Surrounded by magnificent classical and modernistic
sculptures in various stages of completion, a group of local
artisans and masons drink copious amounts of digestivo at the
back of the atelier and dance together. Everyone sings along
in improper English.

EVERYONE
(sings)
You are my destiny
you are that's what to me
You are my happiness
That's what you are
You have my sweet caress
You share my loneliness
You're more than life to me
That's what you are
Heaven and heaven alone
Can take your love from me....

ANGLE ON -

An entranced VAN BUREN observes LÁSZLÓ from the shadows.

LONG LENS ON -

LÁSZLÓ dances with girls and boys, exhilarated. He sings!

LÁSZLÓ
(sings)
'Cause I'd be a fool
To ever leave you dear
And a fool I'd never be
You are my destiny
You share my reverie
You're more than life to me
That's what you are.

LÁSZLÓ abruptly excuses himself from his dance partner and
walks away from the group.

ANGLE ON -

VAN BUREN follows LÁSZLÓ with his eyes.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the vibrant Carrara Town Square, László and Van Buren engage in a tense conversation over coffee, with Van Buren expressing impatience and making derogatory remarks about Italians. Orazio, a resilient local man, arrives and shares stories of his past, leading them to the majestic Carrara Marble Quarry. The scene shifts to Orazio's lively atelier at night, where László dances joyfully amidst a celebration, while Van Buren observes from the shadows, highlighting the underlying cultural tensions and camaraderie among the characters.
Strengths
  • Beautiful imagery
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of beauty, history, and character development, creating a rich and engaging narrative. The visit to the marble quarry adds depth to the story and provides insight into the characters' backgrounds.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring a marble quarry adds a unique and visually stunning element to the scene. It enhances the overall narrative and provides a deeper understanding of the characters' backgrounds.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the characters' interactions and the exploration of the marble quarry. It adds depth to the story and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique cultural elements, such as the marble quarry setting and references to historical events, while also incorporating fresh dialogue and character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic and meaningful. The scene allows for insight into their past experiences and current challenges, adding layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in the scene, particularly in their reflections on the past and their resilience in the face of challenges. These changes add depth to their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

László's internal goal is to navigate the meeting with Van Buren and Orazio while maintaining his composure and professionalism. This reflects his desire to uphold his reputation and secure a successful business deal.

External Goal: 7

László's external goal is to finalize a deal with Van Buren for the marble quarry. This reflects the immediate challenge of negotiating a business agreement and securing a sale.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is tension in the scene, particularly in the characters' past experiences and current challenges, the conflict is more internal and reflective than external.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with tensions arising from cultural differences, historical references, and the negotiation process. The audience is kept on their toes as they anticipate the outcome of the business deal.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the characters' past experiences and current challenges hint at the potential for significant consequences in the future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing important background information about the characters and setting the stage for future developments. It adds depth to the narrative and enhances the overall plot progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character dynamics, cultural references, and historical anecdotes that add layers of complexity and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around cultural stereotypes and historical tensions. Van Buren's derogatory remarks about Italians and Orazio's reference to resistance fighters highlight the clash of perspectives and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from nostalgia to hope to anxiety, creating a rich and immersive experience for the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. It effectively conveys emotions and adds depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich descriptive language, authentic character interactions, and exploration of cultural and historical themes. The dynamic between the characters and the unfolding business deal keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of descriptive passages, character interactions, and dialogue that maintain the audience's interest and build tension towards the resolution of the business deal.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptive action lines, and character dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct settings and character interactions that advance the plot and themes effectively. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's overall effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the light-hearted atmosphere of the cafe with the darker undertones of László's past and current struggles. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the characters' interactions. Van Buren's derogatory comment about Italians feels jarring and could be perceived as an unnecessary stereotype that detracts from the overall tone of the scene.
  • Orazio's introduction is engaging, but the dialogue could be more concise. His backstory about the war and his stubbornness, while interesting, may slow the pacing. Consider streamlining his dialogue to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged.
  • The transition from the cafe to the quarry is visually striking, but the emotional stakes could be heightened. The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension that propels the narrative forward. While the characters are interacting, there is little at stake in their conversation, which could make the audience less invested.
  • The description of the quarry and the alcove of dark stone is vivid, but it could be enhanced by incorporating László's emotional response to the setting. How does the beauty of the stone resonate with his past experiences? This could add depth to his character and create a stronger connection to the environment.
  • The final part of the scene, where László dances joyfully, contrasts sharply with the earlier tension. While this shift in tone is refreshing, it may feel abrupt without a clear transition. Consider foreshadowing this moment of joy earlier in the scene to create a more cohesive emotional arc.
Suggestions
  • Revise Van Buren's dialogue to avoid stereotypes and instead focus on his character's motivations and relationships with László and Orazio.
  • Streamline Orazio's backstory to maintain pacing, focusing on key elements that reveal his character without overwhelming the audience.
  • Introduce a subtle conflict or tension in the conversation between László and Van Buren to create stakes that engage the audience more deeply.
  • Incorporate László's emotional response to the quarry and the stone to enhance character depth and connect his past experiences with the present moment.
  • Create a smoother transition into the joyful dancing scene by foreshadowing László's need for joy or release earlier in the scene, allowing for a more natural emotional progression.



Scene 51 - Descent into Darkness
121 INT. ORAZIO’S ATELIER - LATER 121
VAN BUREN walks past a row of statues, looking for the
toilet. He hears LÁSZLÓ breathing heavy and moves to
investigate.

VAN BUREN
(calls out)
Mr. T-oth, it’s time we return to
our quarters. Orazio has kindly
offered us a place to sleep for the
night.

VAN BUREN turns to discover LÁSZLÓ slouched against a wide
marble column in a terrible state, an unspooled pouch of hop
gear in his lap... His eyes have rolled back in his head.
He’s barely responsive.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
What have you done to yourself?

VAN BUREN slides his back down the column and sits next to
him displaying a casual air.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
It’s a shame seeing how your people
treat themselves. If you resent
your persecution, why then do you
make of yourself such an easy
target?

LÁSZLÓ cannot respond.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
If you act as a loafer living off
handouts, a societal leech, how can
you rightfully expect a different
result? You have so much potential
and yet you squander it.

LÁSZLÓ starts to vomit and VAN BUREN moves in behind him,
pats him on the back.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Get it out. Get it out, my friend.

Below frame, VAN BUREN fusses with his belt. LÁSZLÓ gags and
coughs.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
It’s all right, my boy. Get it out.

VAN BUREN systematically pulls down LÁSZLÓ’s pants below
frame. He spits, and thrusts.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
(whispers, slurs)
Who do you think you are? You think
you’re special? You think you float
directly above everyone you
encounter because you are
beautiful? Because you are
educated?

LONG LENS ON -

LÁSZLÓ’s face is pressed against the ground. He’s too strung
out to defend himself. His eyes widen in terror.

VAN BUREN (O.S.) (CONT'D)
You’re a tramp. Shh. You’re a lady
of the night.

The assault is brief but clear.

FADE TO BLACK.


122 EXT. CARRARA MARBLE QUARRY - DAY 122
White heat. The searing image is overexposed by two stops.

HANDHELD ON -

LÁSZLÓ walks and stumbles behind his abuser who ascends the
quarry trail ahead of him. Never turning to face him, VAN
BUREN recounts...

VAN BUREN
(calls out)
You were in quite a state last
night. Orazio carried you to bed!

VAN BUREN hums Mina’s “You are my destiny.’

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
It’s a 4 hour train to the airport
in Fiumicino so you have time for a
rest. I hope your stomach isn’t too
sensitive on aeroplanes!


123 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - KITCHEN - DAY 123
CLOSE ON -

ERZSÉBET composes a letter to her niece in an elegant script.
A few banknotes sit in a pile to the side.

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
My dearest Zsófia!
Mazel tov! She is so beautiful -
your spitting image!
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Orazio's atelier, Van Buren discovers László in a drugged state, slumped against a marble column with drugs in his lap. Disdainful of László's self-destructive behavior, Van Buren criticizes him for wasting his potential. As László begins to vomit, Van Buren offers a disturbing mix of comfort and manipulation, ultimately assaulting him while belittling his worth. The scene ends with a fade to black, emphasizing the gravity of the situation and the themes of power and exploitation.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Powerful execution of abuse scene
  • Effective portrayal of manipulation and vulnerability
Weaknesses
  • Disturbing content may be triggering for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and impactful, effectively conveying a sense of fear and discomfort. The disturbing nature of the interaction between the characters is well-executed and leaves a lasting impression on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene revolves around exploring the darker aspects of human behavior, specifically abuse and manipulation. It delves into the complexities of power dynamics and vulnerability, creating a compelling and thought-provoking narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene focuses on a pivotal moment of abuse and manipulation, driving the narrative forward and adding depth to the characters involved. It contributes to the overall development of the story and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to addressing self-destructive behavior and societal expectations, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and complex, with their motivations and actions driving the conflict and tension. The dynamic between the characters adds depth to the narrative and enhances the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The scene showcases a significant change in the dynamic between the characters, particularly in the power dynamics and the vulnerability of one character. The abusive interaction leads to a shift in their relationship and highlights the impact of manipulation.

Internal Goal: 8

Van Buren's internal goal is to confront László about his self-destructive behavior and try to make him realize his potential.

External Goal: 7

Van Buren's external goal is to take care of László and ensure he is okay after his self-destructive episode.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the abusive interaction between the characters creating a sense of tension and unease. The power dynamics and manipulation drive the conflict forward, leading to a climactic and impactful moment.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and actions creating a sense of uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the abusive interaction between the characters leading to a moment of intense vulnerability and distress. The power dynamics and manipulation raise the stakes for the characters and add tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a pivotal moment of abuse and manipulation, which adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters. It contributes to the overall development of the plot and drives the story towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected turn of events and the characters' conflicting actions and dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the contrasting beliefs about self-worth and potential between Van Buren and László.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of fear, discomfort, and distress in the audience. The intense and disturbing nature of the interaction between the characters leaves a lasting impression and elicits a strong emotional response.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is intense and confrontational, effectively conveying the power dynamics and emotional turmoil between the characters. It adds depth to the interaction and enhances the overall tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the intense emotional conflict and moral dilemmas faced by the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, enhancing its overall impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for the genre, enhancing the clarity and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the emotional and moral conflicts between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene is powerful and disturbing, effectively conveying the depths of László's despair and the predatory nature of Van Buren. However, the transition from László's drugged state to the assault feels abrupt and could benefit from more build-up to heighten the tension and emotional impact.
  • Van Buren's dialogue is laden with condescension and manipulation, which is effective in showcasing his character. However, it may come off as overly verbose in places. Streamlining some of his lines could enhance the pacing and make the dialogue feel more natural.
  • The visual description of László slumped against the marble column is evocative, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the atmosphere, sounds, or even the smell of the atelier could enhance the reader's experience.
  • The use of the phrase 'societal leech' feels heavy-handed and could be perceived as cliché. Finding a more original way for Van Buren to express his disdain could add depth to his character and make the dialogue feel fresher.
  • The scene's climax, where the assault occurs, is shocking and impactful, but it risks alienating some viewers due to its graphic nature. Consider the balance between shock value and narrative purpose; ensuring that the assault serves a clear thematic or character-driven purpose will help maintain audience engagement.
Suggestions
  • Introduce subtle hints of tension or foreshadowing earlier in the scene to build anticipation for the confrontation between László and Van Buren. This could involve Van Buren's increasing impatience or László's deteriorating state being more pronounced.
  • Consider breaking up Van Buren's monologue with László's internal thoughts or flashbacks to his past, which could provide context for his current state and make the audience empathize with him more deeply.
  • Add more physicality to the scene. Describe László's body language and reactions to Van Buren's words, which could enhance the emotional weight of the moment and make the audience feel his vulnerability.
  • Explore the setting further. The atelier could be described in a way that reflects László's mental state—perhaps it feels oppressive or chaotic, mirroring his internal turmoil.
  • After the assault, consider including a moment of reflection or aftermath that shows the impact of the event on László. This could help ground the scene in the larger narrative and provide a moment for the audience to process the gravity of what has occurred.



Scene 52 - Concrete Isolation
124 EXT. VISTA - CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY 124
ULTRA-FAST MOTION -

Back in Doylestown, much time has passed. The site is active,
abuzz again.

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
Don’t be mad but your Uncle László
insisted I enclose a few banknotes
for you and Binyamin. We hope he
won’t be offended, and that it’s
not too difficult to change these
into the local currency.

VARIOUS ANGLES ON -

- Cargo is unloaded.

- A cement mixer turns fresh concrete.

- Cement floors are polished.

- Grids of scaffolding are erected.

- Tarps are pulled over church pews in the rain.

- A large clock inside the institute ticks towards noon.


- A SLOW TILT and PAN across a cement dome.


125 INT. INSTITUTE STAIRWELL - CONSTRUCTION SITE - DUSK 125
SFX: DIEGETIC AUDIO IS MUTE.

WE STEADICAM with LÁSZLÓ and his nemesis, JIM SIMPSON, older
now, marching up a staircase through the action on-site.
LÁSZLÓ and JIM SIMPSON feverishly argue but ERZSÉBET’s voice-
over drowns out all diegetic audio.

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
Here: I am so alone. Perhaps more
alone than I have ever been. Your
uncle has closed a door to me. The
man I married is inside but the
lock’s combination, I cannot
decipher...


126 EXT. VISTA - CONSTRUCTION SITE - DUSK 126
STEADICAM ON -

LÁSZLÓ walks with a lamp closely observing the freshly laid
concrete for the cistern

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
He no longer attends synagogue.
When I ask him why, he will not
reply. Perhaps his own narcissism
will no longer allow him a
relationship with our community.

LÁSZLÓ ascends a staircase and arrives out of the darkness to
a picturesque sky to find...

ERZSÉBET (V.O.)
Tell me how you are. How you really
are. All our love and warmth to the
three of you.
Erzsébet

WE PAN to an exposed staircase on the horizon that leads to
nowhere.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary At a bustling construction site in Doylestown, Erzsébet's voice-over reveals her feelings of loneliness and concern for her husband László, who has distanced himself from their community. As László and his rival Jim Simpson argue while navigating the site, Erzsébet longs for connection and worries about László's emotional detachment. The scene culminates with László observing freshly laid concrete, while Erzsébet's heartfelt message underscores her isolation, ending with a poignant visual of an exposed staircase leading to nowhere.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-filled conflict
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of melancholy and tension through the interactions and inner thoughts of the characters. The emotional depth and conflict add layers to the story, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the emotional turmoil within the characters and the escalating conflict adds depth and complexity to the scene, making it compelling and thought-provoking.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the escalating conflict between László and Jim Simpson, as well as the emotional struggles of Erzsébet. The scene moves the story forward and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring personal relationships and emotional struggles within the unconventional backdrop of a construction site. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with their inner conflicts and emotional struggles effectively portrayed. The interactions between László, Erzsébet, and Jim Simpson add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional turmoil and conflict in this scene, leading to potential changes in their relationships and dynamics. The scene sets the stage for character development and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and come to terms with the emotional distance in their relationship, symbolized by the locked door and unanswered questions about their partner's behavior.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to oversee the construction of the cistern and ensure its completion.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is palpable, especially between László and Jim Simpson, as well as the internal conflict experienced by Erzsébet. It adds tension and drama to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external challenges that create conflict and uncertainty, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, especially for the characters' relationships and emotional well-being. The escalating conflict and emotional turmoil raise the stakes and add tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward through the escalating conflict between László and Jim Simpson, as well as the emotional struggles of Erzsébet. It sets up future developments and adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the protagonist's emotional revelations and the unresolved tension between characters, keeping the audience intrigued about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's struggle with loneliness, communication breakdown, and the loss of community connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, effectively conveying the loneliness, sadness, and conflict experienced by the characters. The audience is likely to empathize with their struggles and feel emotionally invested in the story.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and tension between the characters, adding depth to their interactions and inner thoughts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of visual imagery, emotional depth, and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing moments of introspection and action to unfold at a balanced rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for the genre, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear transitions between locations and characters, maintaining coherence and flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses Erzsébet's voice-over to convey her emotional state and the distance she feels from László, which adds depth to the narrative. However, the contrast between the bustling construction site and Erzsébet's feelings of isolation could be more pronounced. The visuals of the active site juxtaposed with her loneliness create a powerful tension, but the emotional weight could be enhanced by showing more of László's internal struggle through his actions or expressions.
  • The use of ultra-fast motion at the beginning is visually engaging, but it may detract from the emotional gravity of Erzsébet's voice-over. The rapid pace could make it difficult for the audience to fully absorb the significance of her words. Slowing down the visuals during key emotional moments could help reinforce the themes of isolation and longing.
  • The dialogue in Erzsébet's voice-over is poignant, but it could benefit from more specificity regarding her feelings. Phrases like 'closed a door to me' and 'narcissism' are impactful, yet they could be expanded to provide clearer insight into her emotional turmoil. This would help the audience connect more deeply with her character and understand the nuances of her relationship with László.
  • The scene transitions between the construction site and the stairwell effectively, but the pacing could be improved. The shift from the busy site to the quieter stairwell feels abrupt. A smoother transition, perhaps by lingering on László's actions or thoughts before moving to the stairwell, could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The visual of the exposed staircase leading to nowhere is a strong metaphor for László's current state and Erzsébet's feelings of abandonment. However, this imagery could be further emphasized by incorporating more visual cues that reflect the themes of disconnection and lost potential throughout the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider slowing down the visuals during Erzsébet's voice-over to allow the audience to absorb her emotional state more fully.
  • Expand Erzsébet's voice-over to include more specific details about her feelings and experiences, which would deepen the audience's understanding of her character.
  • Enhance the transition between the construction site and the stairwell by adding a moment of reflection for László, allowing the audience to connect with his internal struggle before moving to the next setting.
  • Explore additional visual metaphors that reinforce the themes of isolation and disconnection, perhaps through the use of lighting or framing that highlights László's solitude amidst the bustling construction site.
  • Consider incorporating brief moments of dialogue or interaction between László and Jim Simpson that reflect their rivalry, even if muted, to provide context for their argument and enhance the tension in the scene.



Scene 53 - Tensions at the Construction Site
127 EXT. VISTA - CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAY 127
LÁSZLÓ stands with a small group of employees explaining a
nuanced architectural detail.

LÁSZLÓ
You see this, above us?

There’s a four inch gap between flats allowing sunlight to
seep through above them.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Measure the same distance of three
or perhaps four inches between
flats, and place each modular
section apart by that same
distance.

The CONSTRUCTION SUPERVISOR interjects...

CONSTRUCTION SUPERVISOR
This isn’t supposed to stay like
this though. We just set it here
for approximate placement.

LÁSZLÓ obsessively explains...

LÁSZLÓ
I know it’s not supposed to stay
like this but keep it like this- I
like it like this.

CONSTRUCTION SUPERVISOR
What do we do with those gaps?

LÁSZLÓ
We insert a thick sheet of glass
between them to let the light in
from above- give me some time to
think about it and I come back to
you.

LÁSZLÓ sees something in the distance which catches his
attention.

ANGLE ON -

ERZSÉBET visits the site. GORDON, visibly older, pushes the
chair.

LONG LENS ON -

A YOUNG EMPLOYEE does pull ups on some scaffolding that’s set
up around the base of the clock tower. The other young men
above him count down.

CONSTRUCTION CREW
(cheering him on)
Twenty! Nineteen! Eighteen!
Seventeen.

LÁSZLÓ comes upon them.

LÁSZLÓ
(shouts)
YOU ALL STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. WHAT’S
YOUR NAME? Are you trying to pull
the thing down and get them all
killed?!

The YOUNG EMPLOYEE’s response is inaudible.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Your childish show-boating puts
everyone else here at risk! Are you
thick?! Are you lame?! You report
to the subcontractor. You tell him
that you’ve been let go.

A concerned ERZSÉBET observes her husband shouting at the
YOUNG EMPLOYEE. She looks up at Gordon.

ERZSÉBET
Gordon, can you get him to stop
shouting at everyone?

LONG LENS ON -

The YOUNG EMPLOYEE starts to walk off, seemingly mutters
something under his breath. An infuriated LÁSZLÓ runs after
the boy and kicks his behind. The gesture is equal parts
absurd and harrowing.

GORDON intervenes...

GORDON
What’s the problem here?

LÁSZLÓ
It’s already taken care of.

GORDON
You kicked that boy.

LÁSZLÓ
Stay out of it, Gordon.

GORDON
What’s wrong with you?

LÁSZLÓ
(shouts)
Stay out of it, I said, or you can
go with him!

GORDON
(affirmative)
You shout at me again and you’ll be
sorry.

LÁSZLÓ considers this, swallows, then doubles down...

LÁSZLÓ
(shouts)
You too! Get out of here.

LÁSZLÓ marches toward ERZSÉBET leaving GORDON behind him.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
(calls out)
Let’s go home.

ERZSÉBET
I only just arrived!

JIM SIMPSON enters the frame, on a mission, approaching
LÁSZLÓ with a stack of paperwork.

JIM SIMPSON
Mr. Toth, you and I need to talk
through these May/June cost
reports.

LÁSZLÓ throws a hand up in the air to block out the nuisance.

LÁSZLÓ
Not today, Jim!

JIM SIMPSON
You can’t just walk away every time
I step into a room, Mr. Toth!

LÁSZLÓ is maniacally defiant.

LÁSZLÓ
Honey, have I introduced you to Jim
Simpson? Jim is the boss’ lap dog
and Architectural Consultant
Extraordinaire! He designed a hotel
in Stamford.

ERZSÉBET
László, that’s enough!

LÁSZLÓ
There must be an unpaid parking
meter around here somewhere, Jimmy!
Be vigilant! Keep your eyes peeled!
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary At a construction site, László confronts his employees over an architectural detail, insisting on a four-inch gap for sunlight despite the supervisor's warnings about its temporary nature. Tensions escalate when he reprimands a young employee for doing pull-ups, threatening to fire him. Erzsébet, László's wife, expresses concern over his aggressive behavior, while Gordon attempts to mediate but faces László's hostility. Jim Simpson arrives with paperwork but is rudely dismissed. The scene ends with László defiantly telling Erzsébet to go home, leaving the conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Aggressive actions of László may be polarizing to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between characters, with strong dialogue and character dynamics. However, the aggressive actions of László may be off-putting to some viewers, impacting the overall rating.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a confrontation between László and Jim Simpson is well-executed, adding depth to László's character and advancing the plot.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the confrontation, revealing more about László's character and setting up potential conflicts for future scenes.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique situations such as the architectural details and the conflict between LÁSZLÓ and the construction crew. The dialogue feels authentic and reflects the characters' personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with László's defiance and Jim Simpson's authoritative demeanor creating a compelling dynamic in the scene.

Character Changes: 8

László's character undergoes a change as he displays his defiance and frustration openly, revealing a different side of his personality.

Internal Goal: 8

LÁSZLÓ's internal goal is to assert his authority and maintain control over the construction site, reflecting his need for power and perfectionism.

External Goal: 7

LÁSZLÓ's external goal is to ensure the safety and efficiency of the construction project, reflecting the immediate challenge of managing the construction crew and maintaining order.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between László and Jim Simpson is intense and drives the scene forward, adding depth to the character dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations between LÁSZLÓ and the construction crew, creating uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as László defies authority figures and risks his reputation and relationships in the construction project.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and deepening the character development, setting up future plot points.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and reactions of the characters, adding tension and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between LÁSZLÓ's authoritarian leadership style and the employees' desire for autonomy and freedom. This challenges LÁSZLÓ's beliefs about control and discipline.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions of tension, defiance, and frustration, drawing the audience into the conflict between characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the tension and conflict between characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense conflict and power struggle between the characters, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through the dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct character actions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation in a construction setting, with clear character motivations and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures László's escalating frustration and aggression, which reflects his internal turmoil and the mounting pressures he faces. However, the transition from discussing architectural details to his confrontation with the young employee feels abrupt. This shift could benefit from a smoother narrative flow that connects László's professional stress to his personal outburst.
  • László's character is portrayed as increasingly volatile, which is compelling, but the scene risks losing the audience's empathy if his aggression is not balanced with moments of vulnerability or insight into his motivations. Providing a glimpse into his emotional state or backstory could deepen the audience's understanding of his actions.
  • The dialogue is sharp and confrontational, effectively conveying tension. However, some lines, particularly László's insults, may come off as overly harsh without sufficient context. This could alienate the audience from his character. Consider adding layers to his dialogue that reveal his fears or insecurities, making his aggression more relatable.
  • Erzsébet's presence in the scene is crucial, yet her role feels somewhat passive. While she expresses concern, her character could be more actively involved in attempting to de-escalate the situation or confronting László about his behavior. This would not only enhance her character but also highlight the strain in their relationship.
  • The introduction of Jim Simpson adds another layer of conflict, but his character could be fleshed out further. As it stands, he appears as a mere antagonist without a clear motivation or backstory. Providing a brief insight into his relationship with László or his own struggles could enrich the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of introspection for László before he confronts the young employee, perhaps reflecting on the pressures he faces at work or his feelings of inadequacy. This could create a more nuanced portrayal of his character.
  • Enhance Erzsébet's role by having her attempt to mediate between László and the young employee, showcasing her concern for both parties. This would not only strengthen her character but also highlight the dynamics of their relationship.
  • Introduce a moment of levity or camaraderie among the construction crew before the confrontation escalates. This could serve to contrast László's aggression and make the subsequent conflict feel more impactful.
  • Consider revising László's insults to include more personal stakes or insecurities, which would make his aggression feel more justified and relatable. This could help the audience empathize with his character despite his harsh actions.
  • Explore Jim Simpson's character further by including a line or two that hints at his own frustrations or ambitions. This could create a more complex dynamic between him and László, making their conflict more engaging.



Scene 54 - Turbulent Drive
128 INT. AUTOMOBILE - EVENING 128
LÁSZLÓ and ERZSÉBET are en route back to Manhattan. There is
a palpable tension between them. LÁSZLÓ breaks the silence.

LÁSZLÓ
(cold)
What is it?

ERZSÉBET
It was unnecessary how you treated
that boy is all.

LÁSZLÓ
Their safety is my priority.

ERZSÉBET
(despondent)
And Gordon, don’t even get me
started.

ERZSÉBET thinks, continues...

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
It is not what you said to that
young man, it is how.

LÁSZLÓ
Would you like us to wait around
another few years for another
lawsuit to resolve itself? I am
SICK of it. Do you hear me?!

Beat.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
I finish THIS or WE are finished.

ERZSÉBET shouts.

ERZSÉBET
Speak for yourself! I am NOT
finished. Living with you is
impossible. You’ve become a selfish
old bastard right before my very
eyes!

LÁSZLÓ
Don’t say something you’ll regret
in the morning.

ERZSÉBET hits him hard causing the car to swerve.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
You want to kill us?

ERZSÉBET
I’d get out of the car and march
all the way back to Manhattan if I
could, you egotistic scoundrel.
There is NO REASON for me to be
here. I am here for you! I could do
my ridiculous job ANYWHERE! Do you
think I went to university to write
about lipsticks! Shame on you.

LÁSZLÓ
WE CAME BECAUSE IT WAS OUR ONLY
OPTION! Attila was here-

ERZSÉBET
WHO YOU REFUSE TO SEE!

LÁSZLÓ
Ask him about that. Did he tell you
that he kicked me to the street
like a dog?

She is silent.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
His bitch wife accused me of making
a pass at her.

ERZSÉBET
You would never do that.

LÁSZLÓ
I did NOT do that.

ERZSÉBET
Why would she say such a thing?

LÁSZLÓ
Because they do not want us here.

ERZSÉBET
Of course Attila wants us here.

LÁSZLÓ
Not Attila.

ERZSÉBET
Who do you mean?

LÁSZLÓ
The people here, they do not want
us here. Audrey, Attila’s Catholic
wife DOES NOT WANT US HERE. We are
nothing. Worse than nothing.

ERZSÉBET weeps.

ERZSÉBET
You poor man. My poor husband.
What’s been robbed of you-
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary As LÁSZLÓ and ERZSÉBET drive back to Manhattan, their relationship is strained by a heated argument over LÁSZLÓ's treatment of a young man. ERZSÉBET accuses him of selfishness, while LÁSZLÓ insists his actions are for their safety. The confrontation escalates, leading to ERZSÉBET hitting LÁSZLÓ, causing the car to swerve. They reflect on their past and the hostility they face, culminating in ERZSÉBET's tears for LÁSZLÓ's lost dignity, underscoring the emotional turmoil between them.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Raw dialogue
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution
  • Limited external context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is powerful in its emotional depth and tension between the characters. The raw and confrontational dialogue adds layers to their relationship, making it a compelling and impactful moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the hidden resentments and frustrations within a marriage is compelling and adds depth to the characters. The scene effectively captures the complexities of their relationship and sets the stage for further development.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced through the revelation of the strained relationship between László and Erzsébet. Their confrontation adds layers to their characters and sets the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through its intense emotional conflict, nuanced character interactions, and unexpected revelations about the characters' past and motivations. The authenticity of the dialogue and the complexity of the characters add depth and originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of László and Erzsébet are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, frustrations, and complexities. The emotional depth of their interaction adds richness to their personalities and sets the stage for character growth.

Character Changes: 9

Both László and Erzsébet undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, revealing their vulnerabilities, frustrations, and unspoken resentments. The confrontation forces them to confront their feelings and the state of their marriage.

Internal Goal: 8

LÁSZLÓ's internal goal in this scene is to assert his authority and defend his actions, reflecting his need for control and validation in his relationship with ERZSÉBET.

External Goal: 7

LÁSZLÓ's external goal is to convince ERZSÉBET to support his decisions and stay with him, reflecting the immediate challenge of their strained relationship and external pressures.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.2

The conflict in the scene is palpable, stemming from the unresolved issues and tensions between László and Erzsébet. Their emotional confrontation heightens the conflict, adding depth to their relationship dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and perspectives between the characters leading to intense emotional conflict and power struggles. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will resolve their differences.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as the strained relationship between László and Erzsébet reaches a breaking point. The emotional turmoil and confrontations raise the stakes for their marriage and future interactions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between László and Erzsébet, setting the stage for further developments in their relationship. It adds complexity to the narrative and hints at potential resolutions or consequences.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional outbursts, shifting power dynamics, and revelations about the characters' past and motivations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing values and perspectives on their relationship, trust, and loyalty. LÁSZLÓ's focus on practicality clashes with ERZSÉBET's emotional response and desire for understanding.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of anger, sadness, and empathy towards the characters. The raw and intense emotions displayed by László and Erzsébet resonate with the audience, creating a powerful and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 9.3

The dialogue is intense, emotional, and confrontational, effectively conveying the pent-up emotions and resentments between László and Erzsébet. The rawness of their conversation adds authenticity to their characters and relationship dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, sharp dialogue, and unexpected twists in the characters' interactions. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and motivations, creating a compelling and immersive experience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of emotional intensity and reflection. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the scene's impact and effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue attribution, scene descriptions, and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals key information about the characters' relationships and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the emotional intensity.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the escalating tension between László and Erzsébet, showcasing their emotional turmoil and the strain in their relationship. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat on-the-nose at times, particularly in how they express their frustrations. This could be refined to allow for more subtext, where the audience can infer the deeper issues without them being explicitly stated.
  • The physicality of the argument, particularly Erzsébet hitting László and the car swerving, adds a layer of urgency and danger to the scene. However, the transition from verbal conflict to physical action could be more gradual. The moment feels abrupt, and a build-up to this action could enhance the emotional impact.
  • Erzsébet's emotional breakdown towards the end of the scene is poignant, but it could benefit from a stronger visual or auditory cue to emphasize her despair. Perhaps a close-up shot of her face or a sound design choice that highlights her weeping could enhance the moment's gravity.
  • The dialogue, while intense, sometimes lacks variation in rhythm. The back-and-forth feels a bit repetitive, which can detract from the urgency of their conflict. Introducing pauses or moments of silence could heighten the tension and allow the audience to absorb the weight of their words.
  • The scene's pacing is generally effective, but it could be tightened in places. For instance, some lines could be trimmed or rephrased to maintain a brisker pace, especially during the argument, which can feel drawn out at times.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating more subtext in the dialogue. Instead of having characters state their feelings directly, allow them to express their emotions through actions or indirect comments that reveal their true feelings.
  • Build up to the physical altercation more gradually. Perhaps include a moment where Erzsébet's frustration visibly boils over before she strikes László, making the action feel more earned and impactful.
  • Enhance Erzsébet's emotional breakdown with visual or auditory elements that underscore her despair. A close-up shot or a specific sound cue could amplify the moment's emotional weight.
  • Vary the rhythm of the dialogue to avoid repetitiveness. Introduce pauses or moments of silence to allow the audience to digest the tension and the stakes of the argument.
  • Tighten the pacing by trimming unnecessary lines or rephrasing dialogue to keep the argument dynamic and engaging, ensuring that each line propels the conflict forward.



Scene 55 - Night Terrors and Tenderness
129 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - BEDROOM - NIGHT 129
ERZSÉBET howls in pain, a recurring night terror.

ERZSÉBET
(cries out)
Zsófia!

LÁSZLÓ tries to calm her.

LÁSZLÓ
She’s gone, darling. She isn’t
here. You must calm yourself.
You’ve worked yourself up is all.

ERZSÉBET
I am in pain. I am close to death.

LÁSZLÓ
You are not. I am so sorry I upset
you.

ERZSÉBET weeps trembles. It’s like an exorcism.

ERZSÉBET
Get me my pills, it’s too much.


130 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS 130
HANDHELD ON -

The energy is frantic. She’s wailing in the other room. He
rifles through the medicine cabinet, opens her pill box. A
half a pill drops out of an otherwise empty bottle.

LÁSZLÓ
(calls out)
There is only a pill, cut in
halves! Do you keep some in your
purse?

She cries out again in pain.


131 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER 131
LÁSZLÓ enters.

LÁSZLÓ
There is only half. Do you keep
more in your purse?

ERZSÉBET shakes her head.

ERZSÉBET
(weeps)
What will I do? The pain won’t stop
coming.


132 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS 132
BIRD’S-EYE VIEW ON -

LÁSZLÓ re-enters. He pulls down his toiletry pouch from the
top of the medicine cabinet. He pulls out a spoon and
dropper.


133 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER 133
ERZSÉBET writhes on the bed. LÁSZLÓ enters.

LÁSZLÓ
I found something.

She can’t respond. He sits beside her and prepares a vein.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
It’s what they gave me on the boat
for my broken face-

He makes the injection.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Shh. You’ll feel better soon, just
listen to my voice, dear.

A trance-like calm comes over her. He then prepares himself a
dose.

CROSS DISSOLVE:

134 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - BEDROOM - MORNING 134
LÁSZLÓ lies in his wife’s arms like a child. The light is
beautiful. He looks up at her. She’s like an angel.

ERZSÉBET
(whispers)
Do you have more?


135 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - KITCHEN - LATER 135
LÁSZLÓ closes the blinds to keep out the harsh afternoon
sunlight.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense night scene, Erzsébet suffers from a night terror, crying out for Zsófia and expressing her fear of death. László tries to comfort her, searching for medication to alleviate her pain. Finding only a half pill, he improvises by preparing an injection from his own supplies. After administering the injection, Erzsébet calms down, leading to a peaceful morning where László lies in her arms, signifying a moment of intimacy after the night's turmoil.
Strengths
  • Raw emotional portrayal
  • Intimate moments
  • Character depth and development
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and desperation of the characters, creating a tense and tragic atmosphere. The raw and vulnerable portrayal of the characters adds depth and complexity to the narrative, making it a compelling and impactful moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a night of distress and desperation for the characters is well-executed. The scene explores the depths of love and sacrifice in the face of pain, adding layers to the characters' relationships and motivations.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on the emotional turmoil and vulnerability of the characters, deepening the audience's understanding of their struggles and relationships. It adds complexity to the narrative and sets the stage for further character development.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a unique and fresh approach to the theme of pain and suffering, exploring the complexities of seeking relief through medication in a gritty and realistic setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are portrayed with depth and authenticity, showcasing their love, pain, and desperation in a compelling manner. The scene allows for a deeper exploration of their emotions and relationships, making them more relatable and engaging to the audience.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes in this scene, deepening their bond and revealing their vulnerabilities. The experience of pain and desperation brings them closer together, showcasing their love and commitment to each other.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to alleviate her pain and find relief from her suffering. This reflects her deeper need for comfort and security, as well as her fear of death and the unknown.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find more medication to ease her pain. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in dealing with her health issues and the limited resources available to her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is internal, focusing on the characters' emotional struggles and pain. It creates tension and drama, driving the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult challenges and obstacles that test their resolve and push them to their limits. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will overcome their struggles.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the characters' physical and emotional well-being, highlighting the risks they are willing to take for each other. The intense emotions and desperate actions raise the stakes and add tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional connections between the characters and setting the stage for further developments in their relationships. It adds depth and complexity to the narrative, enhancing the overall storytelling.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and decisions, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical dilemma of using medication to alleviate suffering. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the value of life and the morality of seeking relief through drugs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of distress, pain, and love in the audience. The raw and vulnerable portrayal of the characters elicits a strong emotional response, making it a memorable and poignant moment in the story.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and struggles effectively. The use of simple and direct language enhances the raw and intimate nature of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional content, compelling character dynamics, and the sense of urgency and vulnerability that drives the narrative forward.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, building tension and suspense while allowing moments of emotional depth and reflection. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness and impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear and concise descriptions that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the events. The scene follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and effective structure, moving seamlessly between different locations and building tension towards a resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and desperation through the characters' dialogue and actions. Erzsébet's night terror and László's frantic search for medication create a palpable tension that draws the audience in.
  • The emotional stakes are high, as Erzsébet's pain and fear of death are juxtaposed with László's attempts to comfort her. This dynamic highlights their relationship's fragility and the weight of their shared trauma.
  • The use of a cross dissolve to transition from the tense moment of the injection to the morning scene is visually poetic, suggesting a moment of relief and intimacy. However, it may benefit from a clearer emotional connection between the two scenes.
  • The dialogue is effective in conveying the characters' emotional states, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more subtext. For example, László's repeated reassurances could hint at his own fears and insecurities, adding depth to his character.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the frantic energy in the bathroom could be heightened with more sensory details, such as the sounds of Erzsébet's cries or the chaotic atmosphere of László's search for medication.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene. Describe the sounds, smells, and visual chaos of the bathroom as László searches for medication.
  • Incorporate subtext into the dialogue to reveal more about László's character. For instance, as he comforts Erzsébet, he could express his own fears about her health, creating a deeper emotional resonance.
  • Explore the use of silence or pauses in the dialogue to emphasize the weight of the moment. This could enhance the emotional impact of Erzsébet's pain and László's desperation.
  • Clarify the transition between the injection scene and the morning scene. Perhaps include a brief moment where László reflects on the night's events, reinforcing the emotional journey they both experienced.
  • Consider showing more of Erzsébet's physical state after the injection. This could provide insight into the effects of the medication and further illustrate the fragility of their situation.



Scene 56 - From Love to Despair
136 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - BEDROOM - LATER 136
The room is very dark. The two of them make love. A cock, an
elbow, an arched back. An intense, physical dream.

LÁSZLÓ
(Hungarian)
I love you.

ERZSÉBET
Keep going. Harder.

Score for Piano gives the sequence warmth, a strange feeling.


137 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - BEDROOM - LATER 137
She’s completely out of it, moans.

ERZSÉBET
Toilet-

LÁSZLÓ stands starts to scoop her in his arms.

JUMP CUT TO:


138 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS 138
He clumsily finishes placing her on the toilet seat.

LÁSZLÓ
I’ll wait outside. Tell me when you
need me.

JUMP CUT TO:


139 INT. TENEMENT BUILDING - BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER 139
LÁSZLÓ leans against the wall. After a moment...

LÁSZLÓ
Darling, have you finished?

No response. After a beat, he knocks...

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Can I come in?

He opens the door... ERZSÉBET is foaming at the mouth.

HARD CUT TO:


140 EXT. MANHATTAN HOSPITAL - NIGHT 140
LÁSZLÓ runs carrying his wife like a rag doll.

LÁSZLÓ
HELP! Someone help me! My wife is
dying!

A smoking nurse rushes to his aid.

LÁSZLÓ (CONT'D)
Please help her, she’s dying.

NURSE
She’s breathing.

In his current state, he’s like a child mourning a parental
loss.

LÁSZLÓ
I know my wife. She is dying.

NURSE
(calls out to someone off-
screen)
Get us a wheelchair, a gurney,
anything!

He reverts to Hungarian, weeps.

LÁSZLÓ
(Hungarian)
I am sorry.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a dark bedroom, László and Erzsébet share an intimate moment, but the mood shifts dramatically when Erzsébet falls ill. After helping her to the bathroom, László discovers her in a critical state, foaming at the mouth. The scene escalates as he rushes her to a hospital, pleading for help despite a nurse's reassurance. László's emotional turmoil intensifies as he transitions from a loving husband to a frantic one, culminating in a heartbreaking moment of despair as he weeps and apologizes in Hungarian, fearing for his wife's life.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intense portrayal of love and fear
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Heavy emotional content

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, drawing the audience in with intense emotions and a sense of urgency. The raw portrayal of love and fear adds depth to the characters and the overall story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing a moment of crisis and desperation in a relationship is compelling and adds depth to the characters. The scene effectively conveys the themes of love and fear.

Plot: 9

The plot is driven by the emotional turmoil of the characters, particularly László and Erzsébet. The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the challenges the characters face.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high, as it explores complex themes of love, loss, and desperation in a unique and intense way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially László and Erzsébet, are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed authentically. The scene allows for a deeper understanding of their relationship dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases a shift in László's character as he is faced with the possibility of losing his wife. His desperation and vulnerability are highlighted, adding complexity to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complexities of his relationship with his wife, balancing love and desperation. It reflects his deeper need for connection and understanding, as well as his fear of losing the person he loves.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to save his wife's life, facing the immediate challenge of getting her to a hospital in time. It reflects the urgent circumstances and the high stakes he is dealing with.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is internal, as László grapples with the fear of losing his wife. The urgency of the situation creates a sense of tension and desperation.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in this scene is strong, with the protagonist facing difficult challenges and conflicting assessments of his wife's condition. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and drama of the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of potentially losing a loved one create a sense of urgency and desperation in the scene. The emotional weight of the situation adds depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional stakes for the characters. It sets the stage for further developments in their relationship and individual arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, the conflicting assessments of the protagonist and the nurse, and the high stakes of the situation. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's belief in his wife's condition versus the nurse's professional assessment. It challenges his values, beliefs, and worldview, as he struggles to accept the reality of the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of love, fear, and desperation in the audience. The raw portrayal of the characters' emotions resonates deeply.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, focusing on the urgency of the situation. The emotional weight of the scene is carried more through actions and expressions than words.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotions, high stakes, and raw dialogue. The urgency of the situation and the complex relationship dynamics keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, as well as allowing for moments of emotional impact and reflection. The rhythm of the scene enhances the overall mood and atmosphere.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise descriptions. It enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions and a focus on the protagonist's internal and external goals. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of intimacy between László and Erzsébet, which is crucial for establishing their emotional connection. However, the transition from this intimate moment to the sudden crisis feels abrupt. The jump cuts can be jarring, and while they create a sense of urgency, they may also disrupt the emotional flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in the context of the intimate moment, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. László's declaration of love is powerful, but Erzsébet's response could be more nuanced to reflect her emotional state, perhaps hinting at her vulnerability or fears.
  • The use of a jump cut to show Erzsébet foaming at the mouth is visually striking but may come off as overly dramatic without sufficient buildup. The audience needs to feel the weight of the moment leading up to this revelation. A more gradual build-up to her condition could enhance the shock value and emotional impact.
  • László's frantic behavior in the hospital is compelling, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the chaos. Describing the sounds of the hospital, the expressions of the people around him, or the atmosphere could heighten the tension and urgency of the moment.
  • The emotional weight of László's plea for help is palpable, but the dialogue could be more varied. His repeated insistence that Erzsébet is dying could be complemented by other expressions of his fear and desperation, perhaps reflecting on their life together or his feelings of helplessness.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or dialogue between László and Erzsébet before the intimate scene transitions to the bathroom. This could deepen their emotional connection and provide context for their relationship.
  • Introduce subtle hints of Erzsébet's declining health earlier in the scene, perhaps through her dialogue or physical cues, to create a sense of foreboding that pays off when her condition worsens.
  • Instead of a jump cut to Erzsébet foaming at the mouth, consider a slow reveal that builds tension. For example, László could hear her struggling or see her silhouette before the full reveal, allowing the audience to feel the dread building.
  • Enhance the hospital scene with more sensory details, such as the sounds of the bustling emergency room, the coldness of the environment, or the frantic movements of the staff, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Incorporate more varied expressions of László's emotions during the hospital scene. Instead of repeating that Erzsébet is dying, he could express his love for her, his regrets, or memories of their life together, adding layers to his desperation.



Scene 57 - Dawn of Resilience
141 EXT. VISTA - CONSTRUCTION SITE - DAWN 141
The Marble Altarpiece is unwrapped by CREWMEN from Shibari-
style knots and canvas. After some time, ERZSÉBET’s voice
fades in over the transcendent image.

ERZSÉBET (O.S.)
(weak)
Last night, I met God and he
granted me permission to call him
by his name. It is not the first
time we have met.

BEAT.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
What did you do to me, my László?

SILENCE.

LÁSZLÓ (O.S.)
(holds back tears)
It was an accident.


142 INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAWN 142
Fans swing on their hinges. The space is a long corridor fit
with 12 beds. ERZSÉBET is alive but exhausted.

ERZSÉBET
Do you remember everything you
confessed to me at home in our bed?

LÁSZLÓ shakes his head, ashamed.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
You needn’t be ashamed, my darling.
The harm done unto us were done
only to our physical bodies.

She smiles, laughs.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
You were right. This place is
rotten. The landscape. The food we
eat. This whole country is rotten.

She strokes his hand.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
I’m going to Israel to be with
Zsófia and her child. I want to
become the grandmother to her that
she will, otherwise, never
encounter.

LÁSZLÓ cries.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
Come home with me.

LÁSZLÓ
I will follow you until I die.

HOLD ON LÁSZLÓ... Softer, more beautiful than ever.

CROSS DISSOLVE:

143 EXT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - GATES - EVENING 143
ERZSÉBET arrives by a Philadelphia Taxi Service. The main
gates are closed so ERZSÉBET must go on foot. Her driver
steps out and helps her arrange herself with a walker.


144 EXT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - DRIVEWAY - MOMENTS LATER 144
HANDHELD ON-

ERZSÉBET breathes hard, audibly grievous, makes her way up to
the front door with her walker at a fairly steady clip.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary At dawn, crewmen unwrap the Marble Altarpiece at a construction site, while Erzsébet reflects on her spiritual encounter with God and her feelings of betrayal towards László. The scene transitions to a hospital room where Erzsébet, despite her exhaustion, shares a heartfelt conversation with László about their past and her plans to visit her granddaughter, Zsófia, in Israel. László vows to follow her until death, reaffirming their emotional bond. The scene concludes with Erzsébet arriving at the Van Buren Estate, determined to move forward with her life.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Poignant dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some ambiguity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is beautifully crafted, with a strong emotional impact, well-developed characters, and significant plot progression. The dialogue is poignant, and the theme of reconciliation is effectively conveyed, making it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of bidding farewell and reconciliation is central to the scene, and it is executed with sensitivity and depth. The themes of love, regret, and acceptance are effectively explored, adding depth to the characters and the overall story.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly in this scene as Erzsébet prepares to leave for Israel, leading to a moment of closure and reconciliation between the characters. The emotional depth and character development contribute to the overall narrative arc.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to themes of forgiveness and acceptance, with authentic character interactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of László and Erzsébet are well-developed in this scene, with their emotions and motivations effectively portrayed. The dialogue and interactions between the characters reveal their depth and complexity, adding richness to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both László and Erzsébet undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, with László expressing regret and love, while Erzsébet prepares to leave for Israel. Their reconciliation marks a turning point in their relationship and personal growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Erzsébet's internal goal is to come to terms with the harm done to her and her relationship with László. She seeks closure and understanding.

External Goal: 7

Erzsébet's external goal is to go to Israel to be with Zsófia and her child, wanting to become a grandmother figure to them.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is emotional conflict in the scene as László and Erzsébet grapple with their feelings and the decision for her to leave, the focus is more on resolution and reconciliation, leading to a lower conflict level.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with internal conflicts and emotional barriers challenging the characters' relationships and decisions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene as Erzsébet prepares to leave for Israel, leading to a moment of farewell and reconciliation with László. The emotional impact and character dynamics add depth to the stakes involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by resolving the emotional conflict between László and Erzsébet, leading to her decision to leave for Israel. This decision has implications for their relationship and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional revelations and character decisions, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around forgiveness, acceptance, and the idea of moving forward despite past harm. Erzsébet's forgiveness towards László challenges societal norms of blame and punishment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, hope, and regret as László and Erzsébet bid farewell and reconcile. The intimate and reflective tone creates a powerful emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue in the scene is poignant and heartfelt, capturing the emotions of the characters as they bid farewell and reconcile. The conversations between László and Erzsébet are meaningful and contribute to the overall emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional intensity, complex character dynamics, and the unfolding of past secrets.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of reflection and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure, moving between locations and timeframes effectively to build tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Erzsébet's condition and her relationship with László. The use of voiceover allows for a poignant reflection on their past, but it could benefit from more specificity in Erzsébet's confessions to deepen the audience's understanding of their shared history.
  • The transition from the construction site to the hospital room is visually striking, but the abruptness of the cross dissolve could be softened with a more gradual transition that maintains the emotional continuity. Consider using a visual motif or sound cue that links the two locations.
  • Erzsébet's dialogue is poetic and carries a sense of resignation and hope, but it may come across as slightly abstract. Adding more concrete imagery or specific memories could ground her reflections and make them more relatable to the audience.
  • László's emotional response is powerful, but his dialogue could be expanded to reflect his internal struggle more vividly. Instead of simply stating it was an accident, he could express his guilt and fear of losing Erzsébet, which would enhance the dramatic tension.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the emotional beats could be emphasized further with strategic pauses or reactions from László. This would allow the audience to fully absorb the weight of Erzsébet's words and László's feelings.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or visual cue that illustrates a moment from their past that relates to Erzsébet's confessions. This could enhance the emotional resonance of her words.
  • Incorporate more physicality in László's reactions to Erzsébet's dialogue. For example, showing him physically struggling to hold back tears or trembling could heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Explore the use of sound design to complement Erzsébet's voiceover. Subtle background sounds or music could enhance the atmosphere and underscore the emotional gravity of the scene.
  • Revise László's dialogue to include more vulnerability. Instead of a simple acknowledgment of the accident, he could articulate his fears about their future and the pain of their separation, making his character more relatable.
  • Consider extending the moment where Erzsébet invites László to join her in Israel. Allow for a longer pause or a more elaborate expression of his internal conflict before he responds, which could amplify the emotional impact of his commitment to follow her.



Scene 58 - Confrontation at the Van Buren Estate
145 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - FOYER - LATER 145
NOTE: The following sequence is in one unbroken take until
otherwise noted.

ERZSÉBET waits in the hallway, she dabs her forehead with her
handkerchief exhausted from the walk. After a moment, MAGGIE
LEE enters to welcome her.

MAGGIE LEE
Mrs. Toth! How lovely to see you!
Do you need a hand?

ERZSÉBET
I’m all right, thank you.

MAGGIE LEE
Is Mr. Toth here, as well?

ERZSÉBET
Just me, I’m afraid.

MAGGIE LEE
To what do we owe the pleasure?

ERZSÉBET
Is your father in?

MAGGIE LEE
We were just sitting down to
dinner.

ERZSÉBET
No trouble at all. I’m happy to
wait until you’re all finished.

MAGGIE LEE furrows her brow.

MAGGIE LEE
Don’t be silly! I’ll have the
kitchen fix you a plate.

ERZSÉBET
You’re kind, Maggie, thank you.

MAGGIE LEE
Right this way.

ERZSÉBET turns and follows MAGGIE LEE ten meters to the
dining room where she finds...


146 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS 146
VAN BUREN and HARRY LEE are seated at the table. A few
UNRECOGNIZABLE ASSOCIATES are present, as well. They all rise
to greet her.

ERZSÉBET
Please sit.

HARRY LEE
Mrs. Toth, you’re up on your feet!

VAN BUREN regards her.

VAN BUREN
Where is László?

ERZSÉBET
He’s caught a flu. He’s recovering
at home.

HARRY LEE
That explains it! Jim Simpson
mentioned he hadn’t been on-site
since last Friday.

VAN BUREN
Shame.

ERZSÉBET
(cold)
Yes. A terrible shame.

HARRY LEE
It’s going around. Please, sit
down.

ERZSÉBET refuses to sit.

ERZSÉBET
I’m fine to stand.

HARRY LEE
Fine to stand? Is something wrong,
Mrs. Toth?

ERZSÉBET
Yes, something is wrong.

The blood runs cold.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
I’ve come tonight to tell you
something that is going to be very
difficult to hear.

VAN BUREN shoots a look at her.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
And for you people too. I don’t
know you but it will be difficult
for you to hear.

HARRY LEE
If this is a professional matter
then perhaps you and I should talk
in the other room.

HARRY stands.

ERZSÉBET
(calm, resolute)
Your father is a rapist.

HARRY LEE
Excuse me - whatever this is
supposed to be, I don’t like it.
I’m calling your husband to come
and fetch you.

ERZSÉBET
Your father is an evil rapist.

MAGGIE LEE believes her. HARRY rushes her.

MAGGIE LEE
Don’t push her, Harry!

VAN BUREN is silent.

ERZSÉBET
Look at him. He cannot say
anything.

MAGGIE LEE
Daddy, has something happened
between you and Mrs. Toth?

ERZSÉBET
It wasn’t me-

HARRY LEE
(shouts)
That’s enough. You come in here
making vague, laughable
accusations! I want you out of our
house this instant.

ERZSÉBET
Tell them what you did to my
husband. Tell them what you did.

MAGGIE covers her face, horrified by the accusation.

VAN BUREN
Your husband is sick. He is an
alcoholic and a drug addict. I
don’t know why he wishes to hurt
me, humiliate me.
(MORE)

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
I have offered him nothing but
kindness. He’s a sick, senile old
dog and when dogs get sick, they
often bite the hand that’s fed them
before someone mercifully puts them
down.

VAN BUREN stands.

VAN BUREN (CONT'D)
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve
withstood enough abuse for one
evening. You can tell your husband
he’s off the payroll now and
forever, as well.

ERZSÉBET explodes.

ERZSÉBET
I WILL NOT EXCUSE YOU!

HARRY starts violently dragging her out of the room.

MAGGIE LEE
(shouts)
Stop it, Harry!

ERZSÉBET
YOU ARE NOT EXCUSED, HARRISON VAN
BUREN!

HARRY muscles her all the way to the foyer.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary ErzsÉbet Toth arrives at the Van Buren estate, seeking answers about her ill husband, László, but quickly shifts to accusing Harrison Van Buren of rape. Tensions rise as Harry Lee defends his father, dismissing ErzsÉbet's claims and blaming László's struggles on addiction. The confrontation escalates, with ErzsÉbet standing her ground while Harry attempts to forcibly remove her from the house, leaving unresolved tensions in the air.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional performances
  • High-stakes confrontation
  • Revealing crucial information
Weaknesses
  • Potential for misinterpretation or backlash due to sensitive subject matter

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and pivotal to the plot, with strong performances and impactful dialogue.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of confronting a powerful figure with serious accusations adds depth and complexity to the story.

Plot: 9.2

The plot is significantly advanced through the revelation of Van Buren's alleged actions and the resulting conflict.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a confrontation between characters of different social standings. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the conflict and raises questions about power and morality.


Character Development

Characters: 9.3

The characters' emotions, motivations, and relationships are vividly portrayed, adding layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The characters experience significant emotional shifts and revelations, particularly Erzsébet and Van Buren.

Internal Goal: 9

Erzsébet's internal goal is to confront Van Buren about his actions and seek justice for her husband. This reflects her deeper need for closure, justice, and standing up against injustice.

External Goal: 8

Erzsébet's external goal is to expose Van Buren's wrongdoing and hold him accountable for his actions. This reflects the immediate challenge of confronting a powerful figure and seeking justice in a social setting.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.6

The conflict is high, with accusations of a serious nature leading to a heated confrontation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing off against each other in a high-stakes confrontation. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high, with accusations of rape and betrayal threatening to upend relationships and careers.

Story Forward: 10

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information and escalating the conflict to a new level.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected accusation and the shifting power dynamics between characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between truth and power. Erzsébet's accusation challenges the established power dynamics and questions the morality of those in authority. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in justice and integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.7

The scene evokes strong emotions from the characters and the audience, creating a powerful and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 9.4

The dialogue is intense, impactful, and drives the conflict and revelations in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and unpredictable twists. The conflict and power dynamics keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene builds tension and suspense effectively, allowing for a gradual escalation of conflict and emotional intensity. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dramatic confrontation scene, allowing for clear visualization and understanding of character interactions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format that builds tension and conflict effectively. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's intensity and emotional impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of dialogue and character dynamics, particularly between Erzsébet and the Van Buren family. However, the pacing could be improved by allowing for more pauses or reactions from the characters, which would heighten the emotional stakes and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of Erzsébet's accusations.
  • Erzsébet's character is portrayed as strong and resolute, which is commendable. However, her motivations for confronting Van Buren could be more clearly established earlier in the scene. A brief flashback or a line of dialogue referencing her past experiences could provide context for her emotional state and the urgency of her accusations.
  • The dialogue is sharp and confrontational, which suits the scene's escalating tension. However, some lines, particularly from Harry Lee and Van Buren, could benefit from more nuance. Instead of outright dismissal, they could express a mix of disbelief and defensiveness, which would make their characters more complex and relatable.
  • The physicality of the scene is strong, particularly with the use of the unbroken take. However, the setting could be utilized more effectively to reflect the emotional turmoil. For instance, the opulence of the Van Buren estate could contrast with Erzsébet's emotional state, emphasizing her isolation and the weight of her accusations.
  • The climax of the scene, where Erzsébet accuses Van Buren, is powerful but could be enhanced by building up to it with more subtle hints of tension in the earlier dialogue. This would create a more satisfying payoff for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or vulnerability for Erzsébet before she makes her accusation. This could deepen her character and make her confrontation feel more impactful.
  • Incorporate more physical reactions from the characters, such as body language or facial expressions, to convey their emotional states. This would enhance the scene's tension and make the audience feel more connected to the characters.
  • Explore the use of silence or pauses in dialogue to allow the weight of the accusations to sink in. This could create a more dramatic effect and give the audience time to process the implications of Erzsébet's words.
  • Add a line or two that hints at Erzsébet's past experiences with trauma or injustice, which would provide context for her strong reaction and make her accusations more relatable.
  • Consider revising the ending to leave the audience with a stronger emotional impact. Perhaps include a moment where Erzsébet stands her ground despite being dragged out, reinforcing her strength and determination.



Scene 59 - Tension at the Van Buren Estate
147 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - FOYER - LATER 147
He drags her all the way to the front door where she falls.

MAGGIE LEE (O.S.)
(shouts)
Stop it, Harry!

ERZSÉBET
SHAME! SHAME ON YOU!

MAGGIE LEE screams from off-screen and comes running to
ERZSÉBET’s aid.

ERZSÉBET (CONT'D)
I’m fine, Maggie. I’m fine. Can you
help me to my car? A taxi’s waiting
for me at the front.

HARRY LEE opens the door and sets her walker outside.

HARRY LEE
You never come back here, you crazy
woman.

MAGGIE gets ERZSÉBET to her feet. They stumble to the front
door and exit. HARRY LEE exhales, paces back and forth, then
walks back to the dining room. The camera follows...

148 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS 148
The guests are standing to leave.

HARRY LEE
I am so sorry for the bizarre
interruption.

GUEST
It’s all right, Harry. We’ll leave.

HARRY LEE
Don’t leave yet. Please.

GUEST
Your father’s gone to bed.

He turns on his shoe.


149 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - FOYER - CONTINUOUS 149
HARRY LEE walks back again the way he came.

HARRY LEE
(shouts)
Father! It’s over now. She’s gone!

HARRY LEE turns a corner-


150 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - STAIRWELL - CONTINUOUS 150
-and moves up the stairwell.


151 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - CORRIDOR - CONTINUOUS 151
He walks down the hallway to his father’s bedroom at the end
of the hall. He opens his father’s door. The room is empty...
He turns back the way he came then stops at his father’s
study. It’s empty, as well.

HARRY LEE
(shouts)
Dad!

He opens every door on the floor. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

MAGGIE LEE (O.S.)
Is he not upstairs?

HARRY LEE
(shouts)
Where the hell has he gone? Call
for him outside.

152 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - STAIRWELL - CONTINUOUS 152
He starts back down the stairs, increasingly panicked.


153 INT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - FOYER - CONTINUOUS 153
He crosses to the front door and exits to the driveway.


154 EXT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - DRIVEWAY 154
He calls out with increasing desperation for his father.

HARRY LEE
(shouts)
DAD!

MAGGIE LEE (O.S.)
DADDY?! Can you hear us?!

NOTE: End of continuous take.


155 EXT. VAN BUREN ESTATE - FOREST - DAWN 155
ULTRA-WIDE ON -

Snow falls on a search team made up of LOCAL VOLUNTEERS; each
individual spread 10 meters apart combs the area for any sign
of VAN BUREN.

LOCAL VOLUNTEERS
HARRISON!


156 EXT. VISTA - CONSTRUCTION SITE - DUSK 156
The austere beauty of LÁSZLÓ’s design is revealed through the
following series of angles...

- TRACK RIGHT with the volunteers as they move across the
site navigating these modern ruins.


157 EXT. INSTITUTE CORRIDORS - SAME 157
VARIOUS SHOTS -

The search party use flashlights to investigate the
institute...


158 INT. CISTERN - SAME 158
WE TRACK BEHIND a group of volunteers as they walk the
perimeter of the RAINWATER HARVESTING SYSTEM below grade.

LOCAL VOLUNTEERS
HARRISON!


159 INT. CHAPEL - SAME 159
WE PUSH IN ON a single volunteer as she walks past the marble
altarpiece. It’s a thing of extraordinary beauty.

VOLUNTEER (O.S.)
We’ve got something down here!

The sun forms a sign of the cross as LÁSZLÓ so frequently
demonstrated in his model, and WE TILT UP to snow falling
from above which has blown in from outside.


INSERT TITLE:


160 160
EPILOGUE
THE FIRST ARCHITECTURE BIENNALE
VENICE, ITALY 1980

FADE IN:
Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

Summary In the foyer of the Van Buren estate, Harry Lee aggressively drags Erzsébet to the front door, where she falls. Despite Maggie Lee's attempts to intervene, Erzsébet insists on leaving. Harry harshly tells her never to return, and as Erzsébet exits with Maggie, Harry becomes increasingly panicked over his father's disappearance. The scene shifts from the confrontation to a search team combing the snowy forest for Harrison Van Buren, highlighting the escalating tension and chaos.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation
  • Emotional depth
  • Mystery and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Potential for triggering content
  • Chaotic and intense atmosphere

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a high level of tension, mystery, and emotional depth. The confrontation between Erzsébet and Van Buren adds a layer of complexity and intrigue to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a dramatic confrontation and the revelation of a dark secret, is engaging and keeps the audience invested in the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is driven by the conflict between characters and the revelation of a significant accusation, moving the story forward and adding depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on family dynamics and societal expectations, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their interactions are compelling, especially Erzsébet and Van Buren, whose conflict drives the emotional intensity of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Erzsébet undergoes a significant change in the scene as she confronts Van Buren and stands up for herself, showing strength and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

Erzsébet's internal goal is to maintain her dignity and composure in the face of Harry Lee's disrespectful behavior. This reflects her need for respect and autonomy.

External Goal: 7

Harry Lee's external goal is to find his missing father, reflecting the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with intense emotions, accusations, and defensive reactions driving the tension and drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Harry Lee facing obstacles in finding his missing father and dealing with family conflicts.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Erzsébet accuses Van Buren of a serious crime, leading to a tense and potentially dangerous situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing a crucial accusation and escalating the conflict between characters, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected disappearance of Harry Lee's father and the escalating tension.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between respect for elders and family loyalty versus personal boundaries and self-respect. This challenges Harry Lee's beliefs about family dynamics and respect.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with the characters' intense emotions and the revelation of a dark secret evoking strong feelings from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is tense and impactful, effectively conveying the emotions and motivations of the characters in the confrontation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional intensity, dramatic conflict, and compelling character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively escalates the tension established in the previous scene, maintaining a sense of urgency and conflict. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. While Erzsébet's accusation and Harry's reaction are intense, the dialogue feels somewhat one-dimensional. Adding layers to their exchanges could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The physicality of the scene is strong, particularly with Harry dragging Erzsébet and Maggie rushing to her aid. However, the pacing feels uneven. The transition from the confrontation to Harry's search for his father could be smoother. The abrupt shift in focus might confuse the audience, as it dilutes the immediate tension of the confrontation.
  • The use of off-screen dialogue from Maggie Lee is effective in conveying urgency, but it could be more impactful if her actions were shown rather than just heard. This would create a more immersive experience for the audience, allowing them to witness the chaos and emotional turmoil firsthand.
  • The scene's visual elements are compelling, particularly the use of the foyer and dining room to symbolize the clash of social status and personal conflict. However, the transition to the search for Harrison feels disjointed. It might be beneficial to include a visual motif or thematic element that connects the two parts of the scene more cohesively.
  • The ending of the scene, with the search team combing the forest, is visually striking but feels disconnected from the emotional climax of the confrontation. It would be more effective if there were a clearer narrative link between the two segments, perhaps by foreshadowing Harrison's disappearance earlier in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional depth of the dialogue by incorporating more personal stakes and backstory. For example, Erzsébet could reference specific past traumas related to her accusations, making her confrontation more poignant.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Harry before he drags Erzsébet away. This could humanize him and create a more complex character dynamic.
  • Show Maggie's actions as she rushes to help Erzsébet, rather than relying solely on her off-screen dialogue. This would heighten the tension and urgency of the moment.
  • Create a smoother transition between the confrontation and the search for Harrison by incorporating a visual or thematic element that ties the two together, such as a lingering shot of the foyer that symbolizes the chaos left behind.
  • Revisit the pacing of the scene to ensure that the tension builds consistently throughout. Consider interspersing moments of silence or reflection amidst the chaos to allow the audience to absorb the emotional weight of the confrontation.



Scene 60 - A Tribute to Legacy
161 EXT. VENICE, ITALY - EVENING 161
A SERIES OF ANGLES establish the city of Venice in the
evening.


162 INT. GIARDINI - ARCHITECTURE BIENNALE - NIGHT 162
A lavish Opening Night Gala event is in full swing. A small
crowd is gathering around the Giardini’s Israeli Pavilion.


163 INT. CENTRAL PAVILION - MAIN GALLERY - SAME 163
WE TRACK LEFT with a middle-aged woman (ZSÓFIA) pushing an
elderly man (LÁSZLÓ) in a wheelchair. They pass row after row
of ornate architectural models.

ZSÓFIA
They look beautiful like this,
don’t you think?

LÁSZLÓ nods, too frail to speak.


164 INT. CENTRAL PAVILION - SOUTH GALLERY - MOMENTS LATER 164
LÁSZLÓ puts his hand up to stop ZSÓFIA from exiting the room.
He observes a projection of a macro-tour of his model work
playing large on the gallery wall.

ZSÓFIA
The director would like to speak
with you before the ceremony. We
should go.


165 INT. ISRAELI PAVILION - LATER 165
ZSÓFIA cries through her speech.

ZSÓFIA
My uncle is, above all, a
principled artist. His lifelong
ambition was not only to define an
epoch but to transcend all time.

She smiles.

ZSÓFIA (CONT'D)
In his memoirs, he described his
designs as machines with no
superfluous parts, that at their
best, at his best, possessed an
immoveable core; a “Hard Core of
Beauty.”

ANGLE ON -

A variety of models for both unrealized and actualized
projects. The floor is littered with his life’s work.

ZSÓFIA (CONT'D)
A way of directing their
inhabitant’s perception to the
world as it is. The inherent laws
of concrete things such as
mountains and rock define them.
They indicate nothing. They tell
nothing. They simply are.

BACK TO -

ZSÓFIA changes course.

ZSÓFIA (CONT'D)
Born in 1911 in a small fishing
village in Austria-Hungary, László
Toth looked out upon the Adriatic
Sea. He was a boy with eyes wide
open, full of yearning. New borders
would eventually rip this expanse
of sea away from him but never did
he cease to try and fill its void.

ZSÓFIA refers to her notes.

ZSÓFIA (CONT'D)
Forty years later, he survived the
camps at Buchenwald, as did his
late wife, and myself, in Dachau.
His first American masterpiece, the
Van Buren institute outside of
Philadelphia, remained unfinished
until 1973.
(MORE)

ZSÓFIA (CONT'D)
The building referenced his time at
Buchenwald as well as the deeply
felt absence of his wife, my Aunt
Erzsébet.

ANGLE ON -

Architectural models of Buchenwald, Dachau, and the Van Buren
institute, side-by-side. The Biennale exhibit display their
similarities and differences.

ZSÓFIA (O.S.) (CONT'D)
For this project, he re-imagined
the camp’s claustrophobic interior
cells with precisely the same
dimensions as his own place of
imprisonment, save for one
electrifying exception; when
visitors looked 20 meters upwards,
the dramatic heights of the glass
above them invited free thought;
freedom of identity. He further re-
imagined Buchenwald and his wife’s
venue of imprisonment in Dachau on
the same grounds, connected by a
myriad of corridors-

PUSH IN ON ZSÓFIA -

ZSÓFIA (CONT'D)
-re-writing their history and
transcending space and time so that
he and Erzsébet would never be
apart again.

ZSÓFIA concludes by looking directly at her uncle in the main
row...

ZSÓFIA (CONT'D)
(smiles and weeps)
Uncle, you and Aunt Erzsébet once
spoke for me, I speak for you now,
and I am honored.

Her voice cracks with heartbreak.

ZSÓFIA (CONT'D)
“Don’t let anyone fool you, Zsófia”
he would say to me as a struggling
young mother during our first years
in Jerusalem, “no matter what the
others try and sell you, it is the
destination, not the journey.”

HOLD ON LÁSZLÓ, a man at the end of his life at the beginning
of a new epoch.



‘THE BRUTALIST’
©2020



AN ANACHRONISTIC DIGITAL VIDEO MONTAGE OF MID-CENTURY ARCHITECTURAL
MASTERPIECES FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD (INCLUDING HOLOCAUST MEMORIAL
SITES SUCH AS YAD VASHEM IN ISRAEL AND THE YUGOSLAVIAN SPOMENIK WAR
MEMORIALS) ROLLS UNDER END CREDITS.
IT CONCLUDES WITH OUR SETS FOR ‘THE BRUTALIST’ BEING CONSTRUCTED AND
ERECTED; A MONUMENT TO THE PAST.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In the evening at the Architecture Biennale in Venice, Zsófia pushes her elderly uncle László in a wheelchair through the Central Pavilion, where he admires a projection of his architectural work. At the Israeli Pavilion, she delivers an emotional speech honoring László's artistic principles, his survival of concentration camps, and his late wife Erzsébet. Zsófia reflects on the beauty of his designs and the weight of his past, culminating in her heartfelt declaration of honor in representing his legacy. The scene concludes with a montage of mid-century architectural masterpieces as Zsófia gazes at László, embodying their deep emotional connection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Thematic richness
  • Character development
  • Poignant dialogue
  • Reflective tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action
  • Slow pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is poignant, well-structured, and emotionally impactful, offering a deep exploration of the protagonist's life and work through a touching speech by his niece. The execution is superb, with strong character development, thematic depth, and a moving narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9.3

The concept of exploring the architect's legacy through an architectural exhibition and a heartfelt speech is innovative and engaging. It offers a unique perspective on memory, trauma, and the enduring power of art and design.

Plot: 9

The plot is rich in emotional depth, character dynamics, and thematic significance. It effectively weaves together past and present, personal and historical narratives, creating a compelling story arc that resonates with the audience.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring the intersection of art, history, and personal identity through the lens of architecture. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters are well-developed, with László portrayed as a complex, introspective protagonist, and Zsófia as a caring, reflective niece. Their interactions are genuine, adding depth and authenticity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

While there is subtle character growth and introspection, the focus is more on reflection, revelation, and emotional catharsis rather than dramatic character transformations.

Internal Goal: 9

ZSÓFIA's internal goal is to honor her uncle, LÁSZLÓ, and his artistic legacy. This reflects her deeper desire for recognition and validation of her family's history and achievements.

External Goal: 7

ZSÓFIA's external goal is to deliver a heartfelt speech at the Opening Night Gala event. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in publicly honoring her uncle's work.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is emotional conflict and tension in the scene, the focus is more on introspection, reflection, and personal revelation rather than external conflicts or dramatic confrontations.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with internal conflicts and emotional obstacles for ZSÓFIA to overcome in delivering her speech.

High Stakes: 7

While the emotional stakes are high for the characters in terms of personal loss, memory, and legacy, there is less external conflict or immediate danger, focusing more on internal struggles and emotional revelations.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial insights into the protagonist's past, present, and emotional state. It deepens the audience's understanding of the characters, themes, and narrative trajectory.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of the emotional impact of ZSÓFIA's speech and the revelation of her family's history, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of art, history, and memory. It challenges ZSÓFIA's beliefs about the importance of preserving and honoring her family's legacy through architecture.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of heartbreak, nostalgia, and hope in the audience. The poignant moments, heartfelt speech, and thematic depth resonate deeply, leaving a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 8.8

The dialogue is poignant, evocative, and thematically rich, reflecting the emotional journey of the characters. It effectively conveys the inner thoughts, memories, and conflicts of the protagonist and his niece.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, thematic complexity, and the compelling portrayal of family dynamics and artistic legacy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a climactic moment in ZSÓFIA's speech that resonates with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that adhere to industry standards.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic and emotional moment in a screenplay, with a clear buildup to ZSÓFIA's speech and a poignant conclusion.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Zsófia's speech, but it could benefit from more visual variety to maintain engagement. The current structure relies heavily on dialogue, which may lead to a static feel. Incorporating more dynamic camera movements or cuts to audience reactions could enhance the emotional impact.
  • Zsófia's speech is poignant and rich with history, but it may come across as overly expository. While the backstory is essential, consider weaving in more personal anecdotes or memories that illustrate László's character rather than just stating facts. This would create a deeper emotional connection for the audience.
  • The transition from the architectural models to Zsófia's speech feels abrupt. A smoother transition that visually connects the models to her narrative could help the audience follow along more easily. For instance, showing Zsófia interacting with the models as she speaks could create a more immersive experience.
  • The emotional climax of Zsófia's speech is powerful, but the scene could benefit from a stronger visual representation of László's reaction. A close-up of his face during key moments of her speech could convey his emotional state more effectively, allowing the audience to feel his pride and sorrow.
  • The ending montage of mid-century architectural masterpieces is a strong visual choice, but it may feel disconnected from the emotional core of the scene. Consider integrating elements from Zsófia's speech into the montage, such as images of László's work or personal moments that reflect his journey, to create a more cohesive narrative.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as audience reactions or dynamic camera movements, to enhance engagement during Zsófia's speech.
  • Weave in personal anecdotes or memories about László to create a deeper emotional connection rather than relying solely on factual exposition.
  • Create a smoother transition between the architectural models and Zsófia's speech by showing her interacting with the models as she narrates.
  • Include close-ups of László's face during key moments of Zsófia's speech to convey his emotional state and enhance audience empathy.
  • Integrate elements from Zsófia's speech into the ending montage to create a more cohesive narrative that ties back to the emotional core of the scene.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

zsÓfia

Zsófia is a complex and multifaceted character, portrayed as a haunted and brutalized young woman who grapples with a troubled past. Initially, she is isolated and silent during an interrogation, hinting at deep emotional scars and a mysterious inner world. Despite her reserved demeanor, she possesses a sharp observational skill that allows her to add humor to tense situations, contrasting with the more boisterous characters around her. As the story unfolds, Zsófia's emotional landscape becomes more apparent; she struggles with her feelings but demonstrates resilience and strength in the face of loss and uncertainty. Her role as László's caring niece reveals her empathetic nature, culminating in a heartfelt speech at an architectural exhibition where she eloquently honors her uncle's legacy. Her speaking style evolves from enigmatic and reserved to emotional and reverent, showcasing her deep connection to her uncle's work and her own personal history.



erzsÉbet

Erzsébet is a resilient and compassionate woman who embodies strength and emotional depth. Throughout the feature, she navigates health challenges with grace and courage, showcasing her determination to protect her niece, Zsófia, and support her husband, László. Erzsébet's speaking style is heartfelt and engaging, often infused with a mix of urgency, warmth, and vulnerability. She is confident and articulate, adept at handling social situations with sophistication and cultural awareness. Her interactions are characterized by empathy and insight, as she comforts László and shares in his emotional journey. Erzsébet's playful sense of humor and quick wit bring lightness to tense moments, while her assertiveness and passion emerge when confronting László about their marital struggles. Despite her emotional and physical distress, she remains a loving family member, valuing relationships and fostering unity among her loved ones.



lÁszlÓ

László Toth is a deeply complex and multifaceted character, portrayed as a Hungarian refugee and aging architect grappling with a myriad of emotional and psychological challenges. He is malnourished and desperate at times, reflecting his struggles with addiction, homelessness, and the trauma of separation from his wife, Erzsébet. László exhibits a rich emotional depth, oscillating between moments of vulnerability, anger, and resilience. His speaking style evolves throughout the screenplay, initially hesitant and reserved, often struggling with English adjectives, but gradually becoming more articulate and reflective as he confronts his past and seeks redemption. He is introspective and thoughtful, often engaging in philosophical conversations that reveal his inner conflicts and values. László's interactions with others showcase his compassion and empathy, particularly towards his family, while also highlighting his struggles with authority and personal demons. His character arc is marked by a journey of self-discovery, resilience, and a quest for creative expression, ultimately leading him to confront his past traumas and embrace his identity as an architect.



erzsébet

Erzsébet is a multifaceted character who embodies resilience, compassion, and strength. As a protective and caring figure, she is deeply invested in her family, particularly in safeguarding her niece Zsófia and supporting her husband László. Erzsébet's emotional depth is evident in her nostalgic reflections and heartfelt communications, showcasing her ability to express love, forgiveness, and understanding even in the face of her own health struggles and the complexities of family dynamics. Her speaking style varies from warm and nurturing to direct and confrontational, reflecting her strong-willed nature and her willingness to address sensitive topics. She navigates emotional turmoil with grace, often using humor and insight to diffuse tension. Despite her strength, Erzsébet also reveals vulnerability, particularly in moments of loneliness and conflict within her marriage, which adds layers to her character. Overall, she is portrayed as a pillar of strength and stability, yet she grapples with her own fears and desires for connection, making her a relatable and deeply human character.



lászló

László is a deeply complex and multifaceted character who embodies resilience, emotional depth, and a strong sense of duty. As a skilled architect with a background in designing libraries, he navigates the challenges of being a refugee with determination and hope for a better future. His journey is marked by introspection and growth, as he grapples with personal demons, family obligations, and professional challenges. László's speaking style evolves throughout the screenplay; he begins with a pragmatic and straightforward tone, reflecting his resourcefulness and courage in the face of uncertainty. As the story progresses, his dialogue becomes more reflective and emotional, revealing his vulnerabilities, regrets, and deep connections with those around him, particularly with Erzsébet. He often expresses his inner thoughts through a mix of directness and tenderness, showcasing his protective nature and passionate commitment to his work and loved ones. László's character arc is one of transformation, as he learns to balance his professional ambitions with his emotional needs and relationships.



attila

Attila is László's supportive cousin and business partner, embodying loyalty, family bonds, and hope throughout the feature. He runs a furniture shop in America and is characterized by his nervous yet talkative demeanor, often eager to please those around him. His speaking style varies from warm and reassuring to rambling and anxious, reflecting his caring nature and commitment to family. Attila is also efficient and business-oriented, displaying a sense of urgency and a knack for networking and building connections. He is enthusiastic and outgoing, often masking his excitement in front of clients with a diplomatic and pragmatic approach. Despite his jovial and animated personality, Attila confronts László with a mix of disappointment and anger at times, showcasing his emotional depth and complexity. His dialogue is collaborative and encouraging, emphasizing his partnership with László while also revealing moments of assertiveness and confrontation when feeling betrayed.



audrey

Audrey is Attila's young American wife, characterized by her poise, confidence, and warmth. She is empathetic and curious, particularly towards László's struggles, which allows her to connect deeply with him. Throughout the feature, she exhibits a supportive and pragmatic nature, providing guidance and feedback to László in his pursuit of furniture design. Audrey's speaking style evolves from demure and posh to direct and practical, occasionally infused with whimsy and humor. She is observant and perceptive, often teasing and playful, yet she can also be blunt and sarcastic when challenging László to confront his past and consider his future in America. This blend of qualities makes her a multifaceted character who balances care for her husband and a genuine interest in László's journey.



gordon

Gordon is a multifaceted character who embodies compassion, resourcefulness, and a deep sense of responsibility. He is a caring and supportive man, always willing to lend a hand to those in need, particularly László. His interactions are characterized by a calm and reassuring tone, reflecting his commitment to helping others. As a hardworking individual, he prioritizes safety and efficiency, often taking on a leadership role with an authoritative speaking style that commands respect. Despite his strengths, Gordon is also playful and jovial, using humor to diffuse tension and foster camaraderie. However, he struggles with his own demons, including enabling László's destructive behaviors and grappling with past losses. His speaking style varies from gentle and firm when offering support to casual and light-hearted during moments of levity, showcasing his complex emotional landscape. Ultimately, Gordon is a stoic and resilient figure, deeply loyal to his son and those he cares about, while also carrying the weight of his own vulnerabilities.



harry lee

Harry Lee is a multifaceted character who evolves throughout the screenplay. Initially introduced as a personable and enthusiastic individual, he expresses a desire to surprise his father with a thoughtful library renovation. As the story progresses, he reveals himself to be a wealthy and assertive businessman focused on efficiency and results, particularly in his architectural projects at the Van Buren Estate. His dialogue is direct and business-oriented, reflecting his high expectations and goals. However, he also displays a diplomatic side, attempting to navigate his father's decisions and bridge cultural gaps with László, speaking in a formal and courteous tone. Despite this, Harry's pragmatic nature often leads him to be confrontational and manipulative, using sharp, sarcastic language to provoke others, particularly László. His character oscillates between being a voice of reason and a source of tension, showcasing a complex dynamic of control, ambition, and underlying insecurities. Ultimately, he embodies a pragmatic and assertive businessman who values practicality and efficiency, often leading to conflicts with those who challenge his authority.



van buren

Van Buren is a multifaceted character who embodies a complex blend of authority, charisma, and vulnerability. He exudes confidence and commands respect, often speaking in a direct and assertive manner. However, beneath this exterior lies a troubled past marked by regret and introspection, which he grapples with throughout the narrative. His speaking style varies from authoritative and compassionate when offering support to László, to poetic and philosophical when reflecting on his life choices. He is nostalgic and hopeful, torn between honoring his past and embracing future aspirations for cultural development. Van Buren appreciates artistry and creativity, particularly in architecture, and engages in intellectual conversations with a blend of light-hearted humor and flirtation. Despite his charm, he possesses a darker side, revealing manipulative and abusive tendencies when threatened, showcasing a predatory nature that contrasts sharply with his otherwise supportive persona. This duality makes him an enigmatic figure, oscillating between a patron of the arts and a powerful manipulator who uses his influence to control others.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
zsÓfia Zsófia's character arc begins with her as a silent, haunted figure, burdened by her past and reluctant to engage with her emotions. Throughout the screenplay, she gradually opens up, revealing her strength and resilience. Her journey is marked by moments of introspection and connection with others, particularly as she navigates her relationship with her uncle's legacy. By the climax, Zsófia transforms into a more assertive and emotionally expressive individual, ultimately delivering a powerful speech that encapsulates her growth and acceptance of her past. This transformation allows her to reclaim her voice and agency, culminating in a sense of closure and hope for the future. While Zsófia's character arc is compelling, it may benefit from more explicit moments of conflict and resolution that highlight her internal struggles. The transition from a silent, haunted figure to a more expressive character could be more gradual, with specific events or interactions that catalyze her emotional growth. Additionally, her humor, while a nice contrast, could be further developed to show how it serves as a coping mechanism for her trauma, adding depth to her character. To improve Zsófia's character arc, consider incorporating key scenes that showcase her vulnerability and the impact of her past on her present interactions. Introduce a mentor or confidant who encourages her to confront her emotions, providing a catalyst for her growth. Additionally, explore her humor more deeply, perhaps through flashbacks or conversations that reveal how she uses it to mask her pain. Finally, ensure that her transformation feels earned by including setbacks or challenges that test her resilience, ultimately leading to a more satisfying and believable resolution.
erzsÉbet Erzsébet's character arc begins with her as a resilient caretaker, deeply invested in her family's well-being. As the story progresses, she faces increasing health challenges and marital strife, leading her to confront her own vulnerabilities and the reality of her relationship with László. This confrontation catalyzes her transformation from a supportive figure to a more assertive individual who demands respect and understanding. By the climax, Erzsébet embraces her strength, advocating for her needs and desires while still nurturing her family bonds. Ultimately, she emerges as a more empowered version of herself, having learned to balance her compassion for others with self-advocacy. While Erzsébet's character is rich and multifaceted, her arc could benefit from clearer moments of growth and change. The transition from a supportive caretaker to an assertive individual feels somewhat abrupt and could be better developed. Additionally, her emotional struggles, while poignant, may risk overshadowing her resilience if not balanced with moments of triumph or joy. To improve Erzsébet's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that highlight her gradual empowerment. For instance, show her taking small steps towards asserting herself before the major confrontations with László. Additionally, intersperse moments of joy and connection with her family to reinforce her resilience and the importance of relationships in her life. This balance will create a more dynamic and relatable character journey, allowing the audience to witness her growth in a more nuanced way.
lÁszlÓ László's character arc begins with him as a desperate and conflicted refugee, struggling to find his place in a new country while grappling with the pain of separation from his wife. As the story progresses, he faces various challenges that force him to confront his past traumas, including addiction and feelings of inadequacy. Through interactions with family and colleagues, László begins to rediscover his passion for architecture, using it as a means of healing and self-expression. His journey is marked by moments of defiance against authority and a growing sense of integrity as he stands up for his artistic vision. By the end of the screenplay, László emerges as a more resilient and self-aware individual, having reconciled with his past and embraced his identity as both a husband and an architect, ultimately finding hope and purpose in his work and relationships. While László's character arc is rich and layered, it may benefit from a clearer trajectory that emphasizes his transformation. The screenplay presents a compelling journey of self-discovery, but at times, the shifts in his emotional state can feel abrupt or underdeveloped. Additionally, the balance between his struggles and moments of triumph could be more evenly distributed to enhance the emotional impact of his journey. The character's interactions with others are crucial in showcasing his growth, but some relationships may need further exploration to fully realize their significance in his arc. To improve László's character arc, consider incorporating more pivotal moments that clearly illustrate his transformation. This could include specific scenes that highlight his decision-making process and the consequences of his choices, allowing the audience to witness his growth in real-time. Additionally, deepening the relationships with key characters, such as Erzsébet and Zsófia, can provide more emotional stakes and context for his journey. Introducing a mentor or a supportive figure who challenges László's perspectives could also facilitate his growth and add depth to his interactions. Finally, ensuring that his struggles and victories are balanced throughout the screenplay will create a more cohesive and impactful character arc.
erzsébet Erzsébet's character arc begins with her as a protective matriarch, dedicated to her family and navigating their emotional struggles. As the story progresses, she faces personal challenges, including her health issues and the strain in her marriage, which force her to confront her vulnerabilities. Throughout the screenplay, Erzsébet evolves from a caregiver who prioritizes others' needs to a woman who learns to assert her own desires and confront powerful figures, ultimately finding her voice and reclaiming her agency. By the end of the feature, Erzsébet emerges as a more empowered individual, having reconciled her past and present, and ready to embrace new beginnings with hope and determination. While Erzsébet's character is rich and complex, her arc could benefit from clearer milestones that highlight her transformation. The emotional depth she exhibits is compelling, but the screenplay may risk losing focus on her journey if it does not consistently tie her personal struggles to the overarching narrative. Additionally, her moments of vulnerability could be more pronounced to create a stronger contrast with her resilience, making her eventual empowerment more impactful. To improve Erzsébet's character arc, consider incorporating specific turning points that challenge her beliefs and force her to confront her fears. For instance, introducing a pivotal moment where she must choose between her family's expectations and her own desires could deepen her internal conflict. Additionally, enhancing her interactions with other characters, particularly those who challenge her views, could provide opportunities for growth and self-discovery. Finally, ensuring that her emotional journey is woven throughout the screenplay will help maintain focus on her development, making her eventual triumph feel earned and satisfying.
lászló László's character arc begins with him as a determined and resourceful architect, focused on his work and navigating the challenges of being a refugee. As he becomes more involved in the construction project at the Van Buren Estate, he experiences a range of emotions, from hope and nostalgia to frustration and vulnerability. His interactions with Erzsébet and his son reveal his internal conflicts and emotional struggles. Throughout the screenplay, László evolves from a reserved and pragmatic individual to a more emotionally open and introspective character. By the climax, he confronts his past mistakes and learns to embrace change, ultimately finding a balance between his professional aspirations and personal relationships. The resolution sees him transformed, having gained a deeper understanding of himself and his loved ones, leading to a renewed sense of purpose and hope for the future. László's character arc is compelling and rich, showcasing a journey of emotional growth and self-discovery. However, there are moments where his internal conflicts could be more explicitly tied to the external plot, allowing the audience to see how his personal struggles impact his decisions and relationships. Additionally, while his emotional depth is well-established, there are instances where his motivations could be clearer, particularly in moments of crisis. This could enhance the audience's connection to his character and make his journey more relatable. To improve László's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that explicitly link his emotional struggles to the external conflicts he faces. For example, moments where his dedication to the construction project directly impacts his relationship with Erzsébet or his son could heighten the stakes and deepen the audience's investment in his journey. Additionally, providing clearer motivations for his actions during moments of crisis could enhance his relatability. Introducing a mentor or confidant character who challenges László's perspectives could also facilitate his growth and provide opportunities for reflection. Finally, ensuring that his emotional evolution is mirrored in his professional achievements would create a more cohesive and satisfying arc.
attila Attila begins as a supportive and loyal cousin, providing emotional and practical support to László. As the story progresses, he becomes more involved in the business side of their furniture projects, showcasing his resourcefulness and charm. However, a pivotal moment occurs when he confronts László about a perceived betrayal, leading to a temporary rift in their relationship. This confrontation forces Attila to reevaluate his priorities and the importance of honesty in their partnership. By the end of the feature, Attila emerges as a more assertive and self-aware individual, having learned to balance his eagerness to please with the need for open communication and trust in his relationships. While Attila's character arc is compelling, it could benefit from a clearer progression of his emotional journey. The transition from a supportive cousin to a confrontational figure feels abrupt and may leave audiences wanting more depth in his motivations. Additionally, the resolution of his conflict with László could be more fleshed out to provide a satisfying conclusion to his character development. To improve Attila's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that showcase his internal struggles and the buildup to his confrontation with László. This could involve moments of self-doubt or instances where he feels overshadowed by László's talent. Additionally, providing a more gradual resolution to their conflict, perhaps through a series of reconciliatory conversations, would allow for a richer exploration of their relationship. Finally, highlighting Attila's growth in communication skills and assertiveness in business dealings could reinforce his development as a character who learns to balance loyalty with honesty.
audrey Audrey begins as a supportive wife who is primarily focused on her husband Attila and his needs. As the story progresses, she becomes increasingly involved in László's life, helping him navigate his challenges and encouraging him to embrace his potential. Through her interactions with László, Audrey discovers her own aspirations and desires, leading her to confront her own identity beyond being Attila's wife. By the end of the feature, she emerges as a more independent and self-assured individual, having found a balance between supporting her husband and pursuing her own creative interests. While Audrey's character is well-rounded and offers a strong emotional anchor in the story, her arc could benefit from more explicit moments of personal conflict or growth. Currently, her development feels somewhat secondary to László's journey, which may dilute her impact as a central character. Additionally, her transition from a supportive role to one of self-discovery could be more pronounced, with clearer stakes and challenges that force her to confront her own ambitions. To enhance Audrey's character arc, consider introducing specific challenges that directly impact her sense of identity and purpose. For example, she could face a dilemma that forces her to choose between supporting Attila's ambitions and pursuing her own creative projects. Incorporating scenes that highlight her internal struggles and moments of realization would deepen her character development. Additionally, allowing her to take more initiative in her interactions with László could showcase her growth and assertiveness, making her journey more compelling and relatable.
gordon Gordon's character arc begins with him as a supportive figure, helping László with practical tasks and emotional struggles. As the story progresses, he becomes increasingly aware of the negative impact of his enabling behavior on László's life. This realization leads him to confront his own issues, including his past losses and the consequences of their shared drug use. By the climax, Gordon must make a pivotal choice: to continue supporting László in his destructive path or to take a stand for both their sakes. Ultimately, he chooses to prioritize László's well-being over their camaraderie, leading to a moment of personal growth and resilience. In the resolution, Gordon emerges as a more self-aware individual, having learned the importance of setting boundaries and seeking help for himself, while still maintaining his compassionate nature. Gordon's character arc is compelling, but it risks becoming too predictable if not handled with nuance. While his journey from enabler to a more self-aware individual is relatable, the screenplay should ensure that his transformation feels earned and not abrupt. The balance between his supportive nature and his struggles with enabling behavior needs to be delicately portrayed to avoid making him appear one-dimensional. Additionally, the emotional stakes could be heightened by exploring the consequences of his actions more deeply, particularly how they affect his relationship with László and his own mental health. To improve Gordon's character arc, consider incorporating more moments of internal conflict where he grapples with his enabling behavior versus his desire to help. This could involve flashbacks to his past losses that inform his current actions, adding depth to his motivations. Additionally, introducing a mentor or a friend who challenges Gordon's perspective could create tension and facilitate growth. It would also be beneficial to show the impact of his choices on László more explicitly, perhaps through a pivotal scene where László's situation worsens due to Gordon's support. Finally, ensure that Gordon's resolution feels authentic by allowing him to seek help or support for himself, reinforcing the theme of personal growth and the importance of self-care.
harry lee Harry Lee's character arc follows a trajectory from a well-meaning son seeking to honor his father through a library renovation to a more complex figure grappling with his insecurities and the consequences of his assertive nature. Initially, his enthusiasm and desire to surprise his father drive him, but as he becomes embroiled in the community center project, his focus shifts to ambition and control. This leads to confrontations with László and others, forcing Harry to confront the impact of his manipulative tendencies. By the end of the screenplay, Harry experiences a moment of self-reflection, recognizing the importance of collaboration and understanding over mere efficiency, ultimately leading to a more balanced approach in his dealings with others. While Harry Lee's character arc presents a compelling journey from enthusiasm to ambition and eventual self-reflection, it risks becoming too one-dimensional if not carefully developed. His initial motivations may be overshadowed by his confrontational nature, making it difficult for the audience to empathize with him. Additionally, the transition from a well-meaning son to a manipulative businessman could benefit from more nuanced moments that highlight his internal struggles and vulnerabilities. To improve Harry Lee's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that showcase his internal conflict and the emotional stakes involved in his relationships, particularly with his father and László. Adding moments of vulnerability or doubt could help humanize him and make his eventual self-reflection more impactful. Additionally, introducing a mentor or ally who challenges his approach could provide opportunities for growth and deeper exploration of his character. Finally, ensuring that his motivations remain relatable throughout the screenplay will help maintain audience engagement and empathy.
van buren Van Buren's character arc begins with him as a respected authority figure, deeply entrenched in his community and driven by a desire to leave a legacy. As the story unfolds, he faces challenges that force him to confront his past mistakes and the consequences of his manipulative behavior. Initially, he uses his power to maintain control and protect his reputation, but as he interacts with László and others, he begins to experience moments of vulnerability and reflection. This leads to a gradual transformation where he starts to recognize the importance of genuine connections and the impact of his actions on those around him. Ultimately, Van Buren must choose between clinging to his authoritative facade or embracing a more authentic self, culminating in a moment of redemption or downfall that defines his legacy. While Van Buren's character is rich and complex, the duality of his nature can sometimes feel disjointed, making it challenging for the audience to fully empathize with him. His transition from a supportive figure to a manipulative antagonist lacks sufficient buildup, which may leave viewers confused about his motivations. Additionally, the moments of vulnerability could be more pronounced to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience, allowing them to see the internal struggle he faces. To improve Van Buren's character arc, consider providing more gradual development of his darker traits, allowing the audience to witness the subtle shifts in his behavior over time. Incorporating flashbacks or dialogues that reveal his past relationships and regrets could deepen the audience's understanding of his motivations. Additionally, creating pivotal moments where he must choose between manipulation and authenticity can heighten the stakes and make his eventual transformation more impactful. Finally, ensuring that his moments of vulnerability are interspersed throughout the narrative will help maintain a balance between his authoritative persona and his internal conflicts.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
Dialogue Quality and Emotional Impact CorrelationScenes with higher dialogue scores (8 or above) tend to have higher emotional impact scores, except for a few outliers. Scenes 11, 12, 26, 35, 38, and 60 show a significant drop in emotional impact despite relatively high dialogue scores. This suggests a potential disconnect between the dialogue's quality and its ability to evoke strong emotions in those specific scenes. Re-examine these scenes for inconsistencies; the dialogue might be well-written but not emotionally resonant within the context of the scene. The potential issue might be in the delivery or the emotional beats not being fully expressed through the words.
Reflective Tones and Lower Conflict/High StakesScenes with prevalent 'Reflective' tones (appearing in the tone description multiple times) frequently show lower scores in 'Conflict' and 'High Stakes'. This is expected to some extent; however, scenes like 23, 36, and 57, which have strong overall scores, indicate that reflective scenes can be highly effective, even without high-stakes conflicts. The key seems to lie in how well the reflection deepens character understanding and emotional resonance. Maintain this balance to create a more impactful reflection while building overall tension to drive the story forward.
Tense Scenes and Emotional ImpactMany scenes with 'Tense' tones achieve high emotional impact. Scenes 15, 17, 40, 43, 47, 51, 53, 54, 58, and 59 stand out. This reinforces the effectiveness of creating tension to raise the emotional stakes. This is a strength of your writing; utilize this technique strategically to create powerful moments throughout the screenplay.
High Concept/Plot Scores but Lower Emotional ImpactSeveral scenes (e.g., 6, 7, 8, 9, 20, 22, 27, 37, 44, 50) have high scores for concept and plot but comparatively lower scores for emotional impact. This indicates that while the plot and ideas are strong, the emotional connection might be lacking. Consider focusing on enhancing the emotional resonance in these scenes without compromising the core narrative.
Character Change and Overall Scene GradeThere's a moderate positive correlation between the 'Character Changes' score and the Overall Grade. However, this is not as strong as expected, suggesting that while character development is valuable, it may not be the primary driver of overall scene effectiveness. Ensure significant character changes are not just present but are also impactful, advancing the plot and emotional arc.
Informative Scenes and Lower Emotional ImpactScenes with 'Informative' in their tone description tend to have lower emotional impact scores (e.g., 9, 11, 26). While information is essential, ensure this information is integrated within emotionally impactful scenes or consider restructuring to increase their emotional relevance.
Light-Hearted/Humorous Scenes and Low Emotional ImpactScenes 12, 38, and 42, characterized by light-hearted or humorous tones, have significantly lower emotional impact scores. This highlights a clear distinction between light moments and emotionally powerful ones. Consider how these light-hearted scenes can contribute to the overall emotional arc, possibly by providing relief or contrast to more intense moments.
High Scores in Final ScenesThe final scenes (57, 58, 59, 60) exhibit high scores across multiple categories, especially in emotional impact and conflict/high stakes. This suggests a strong and effective climax, effectively building up the tension and delivering a satisfying emotional resolution.


Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The screenplay demonstrates a strong foundation in storytelling, showcasing a talent for creating emotionally resonant scenes, complex characters, and nuanced dialogue. The writer displays a unique voice and originality, evident in their ability to craft atmospheric tension and thematic depth. However, there's room for growth in structural consistency, pacing, and further refining dialogue to maximize impact and clarity. The recurring strengths lie in creating compelling character interactions and emotionally charged moments, though these are sometimes underdeveloped due to structural or pacing issues.

Key Improvement Areas

Screenplay Structure and Pacing
Multiple scene analyses mention the need for improved screenplay structure and pacing. While the scenes themselves are often strong in terms of emotional depth and character development, the overall flow and impact could be improved by strengthening the structure and ensuring consistent pacing throughout the screenplay.
Dialogue Enhancement
Although the writer shows talent for crafting dialogue, several analyses suggest that focusing on subtext, revealing character motivations more subtly, and practicing dialogue-heavy scenes would significantly improve the impact and authenticity of character interactions.
Character Development Depth
While characters are frequently engaging, some feedback points toward the need for deeper character profiles to fully explore their motivations, conflicts, and backstories. This will lead to more authentic and impactful interactions.

Suggestions

Type Suggestion Rationale
Book 'The Screenwriter's Bible' by David Trottier This book provides comprehensive guidance on screenplay structure, formatting, and industry standards, addressing a recurring theme in the scene analyses.
Book 'Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting' by Syd Field This classic text offers valuable insights into scene structure, character development, and plot dynamics, complementing Trottier's 'Bible' and directly addressing several key improvement areas.
Book 'The Anatomy of Story' by John Truby Truby's book delves into character development and narrative structure at a deeper level, offering advanced techniques to enhance the emotional depth and complexity of characters and their relationships.
Screenplay Collection Read screenplays by diverse writers known for strong dialogue (e.g., Aaron Sorkin, David Mamet, Charlie Kaufman, Billy Wilder), focusing on those with similar themes to your work. Studying varied styles will expose the writer to different approaches to dialogue, character development, and structuring scenes, enhancing their unique voice while learning from masters.
Video Watch behind-the-scenes footage of films known for strong emotional storytelling and impactful action scenes, paying attention to directorial choices and actor performances. This will provide valuable insights into translating the writer's vision from page to screen.
Course Consider taking a screenwriting course focusing on advanced dialogue writing or character arc development. Structured learning with feedback from experienced instructors can address specific weaknesses and refine the writer's craft.
Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation
The Pianist Both stories revolve around a Jewish protagonist navigating the horrors of war and displacement. The emotional depth and struggle for survival in a foreign land resonate strongly, as well as the themes of identity and the longing for home.
Brooklyn This film explores the immigrant experience in America, focusing on a young woman's journey from her homeland to a new life. The themes of love, identity, and the challenges of adapting to a new culture parallel László and Erzsébet's experiences.
The Immigrant Similar to the screenplay, this film tells the story of a Polish woman who arrives in America and faces numerous hardships. The exploration of identity, survival, and the complexities of relationships in a new world are central themes in both narratives.
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn This classic novel depicts the struggles of a young girl and her family in early 20th-century Brooklyn. The themes of poverty, resilience, and the pursuit of dreams amidst adversity echo the experiences of László and his family.
The Book Thief Both stories are set against the backdrop of World War II and focus on the impact of war on individuals and families. The themes of loss, survival, and the power of storytelling to cope with trauma are prevalent in both narratives.
The Kite Runner This novel explores themes of friendship, betrayal, and redemption against the backdrop of Afghanistan's tumultuous history. The emotional depth and the protagonist's journey to reconcile with his past resonate with László's struggles and his longing for his family.
The Good Lord Bird This story features a young protagonist navigating a tumultuous historical landscape, dealing with themes of identity, survival, and the complexities of human relationships, similar to László's journey in the screenplay.
The Nightingale Set during World War II, this novel tells the story of two sisters in Nazi-occupied France. The themes of resilience, sacrifice, and the fight for survival in the face of oppression parallel the struggles faced by László and Erzsébet.
The Help This film explores the lives of marginalized individuals in a historical context, focusing on themes of identity, resilience, and the fight for dignity. The emotional connections and struggles for acceptance resonate with the experiences of the characters in the screenplay.

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation
The Haunted PastZsófia appears haunted and brutalized, reflecting the trauma of her past experiences.This trope involves characters who are deeply affected by their past traumas, often leading to emotional struggles in the present. An example is the character of Bruce Wayne in 'Batman Begins,' who is haunted by the murder of his parents.
The Refugee ExperienceThe screenplay portrays the struggles of Hungarian refugees, including László and Erzsébet, as they navigate their new lives.This trope highlights the challenges faced by refugees, such as displacement, identity crises, and cultural adaptation. A notable example is 'The Kite Runner,' which explores the life of a boy who becomes a refugee due to war.
Voiceover NarrationErzsébet's voiceover provides insight into her emotional state and the struggles faced by her family.Voiceover narration is often used to convey a character's inner thoughts and feelings, adding depth to the story. An example is 'The Shawshank Redemption,' where Andy Dufresne's voiceover reflects on hope and freedom.
The Mentor FigureAttila offers László guidance and support as he navigates his new life in America.The mentor figure is a character who provides wisdom and guidance to the protagonist, helping them grow. An example is Mr. Miyagi in 'The Karate Kid,' who teaches Daniel valuable life lessons.
The Love TriangleTension arises between László, Erzsébet, and Harry Lee, hinting at romantic complications.A love triangle involves three characters where romantic feelings create conflict. An example is 'Twilight,' where Bella is torn between Edward and Jacob.
The Tragic IllnessErzsébet suffers from health issues, adding emotional weight to the narrative.This trope involves a character dealing with a serious illness, often leading to poignant moments and character development. An example is 'The Fault in Our Stars,' where Hazel grapples with cancer.
The Cultural ClashLászló and his family face challenges adapting to American culture.This trope explores the differences between cultures and the misunderstandings that arise. An example is 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding,' which highlights the comedic aspects of cultural differences.
The Redemption ArcLászló seeks to redeem himself after past mistakes and struggles.A redemption arc involves a character seeking forgiveness and making amends for their past actions. An example is Tony Stark in 'Iron Man,' who evolves from a self-centered billionaire to a hero.
The Emotional ReunionLászló and Erzsébet share an emotional reunion after being separated.This trope involves characters reuniting after a long separation, often leading to emotional catharsis. An example is the reunion of E.T. and Elliott in 'E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial.'
The Mentor's FallLászló's mentor figure, Attila, faces challenges that impact László's journey.This trope involves a mentor figure who experiences a downfall, affecting their mentee's growth. An example is Mr. Keating in 'Dead Poets Society,' whose unconventional teaching methods lead to tragic consequences.


Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
Redemption and Self-DiscoveryLászló's journey from a traumatized refugee struggling with addiction and self-doubt to a respected architect who finds love and purpose.This is central to the narrative. László's actions—his attempts to pickpocket, his drug use, and his initial distrust—reveal a damaged individual grappling with his past. His architectural work, his relationships, and his ultimate reconciliation with his family and himself represent his gradual process of self-redemption.
Strengthening Redemption and Self-Discovery:
Suggestion Type How to Strengthen the Theme
Character Arc Expand László's internal struggle with guilt and self-loathing stemming from his past actions. Show his gradual acceptance of responsibility for his mistakes, not just through external actions (like helping others), but also through internal monologues or reflective scenes, revealing his evolving understanding of himself and his capacity for change. This could be woven throughout the narrative, starting with his initial discomfort in Scene 4 and culminating in a powerful moment of self-forgiveness in the final act.
Visual Employ recurring visual motifs to symbolize László's journey of redemption and self-discovery. For example, the initial black and white montage could foreshadow his journey from darkness to light. Use light and shadow, contrasting scenes of squalor with moments of beauty he creates in his architecture, to visually represent his transformation. This could be subtle but consistent, reinforcing the thematic elements.
Dialogue Incorporate dialogue that directly addresses the themes of redemption and self-discovery. Give László opportunities to articulate his evolving perspective on his past and his hopes for the future. This could involve conversations with significant characters like Erzsébet, Attila, or even the Rabbi. The dialogue should organically reflect his internal growth, rather than feeling forced or preachy.
Story Arc Create a parallel narrative arc for Erzsébet's journey of resilience and acceptance. Her voiceover provides glimpses, but expanding on her experiences of trauma and her gradual healing, alongside László's, will strengthen the overall theme. Show how their shared struggles and their mutual support contribute to their individual redemptions and self-discovery.
Action Instead of just showing László's acts of kindness (like helping Gordon in Scene 7), show the internal conflict that precedes them. Illustrate his struggle to overcome his selfish impulses before acting selflessly. This internal battle, portrayed through physical actions (hesitation, clenched fists, etc.), will make his acts of kindness more powerful and meaningful, emphasizing the transformation he undergoes.
Trauma and the Resilience of the Human SpiritThe lasting impact of war, displacement, and persecution on the Hungarian refugees, particularly László and Erzsébet, and their journey towards healing and rebuilding their lives.The film explores the psychological and emotional toll of escaping persecution and the challenges of adapting to a new life in a foreign land. The characters' experiences showcase both the pain of trauma and their remarkable ability to endure and rebuild their lives.
Love and FamilyThe deep and enduring love between László and Erzsébet, their struggles to maintain their relationship amidst hardship and László's self-destructive tendencies, and their eventual reunion and reconciliation. The strong family bond with Attila, Audrey, and Zsófia further highlights the importance of familial support.The unwavering love between László and Erzsébet forms the emotional core of the story. It's a love tested by separation, trauma, and László's flaws, but it ultimately proves resilient and restorative. The love and support received from Attila and Audrey also play crucial roles in shaping László's journey.
Immigration and AssimilationThe experiences of the Hungarian refugees navigating the challenges of immigration to America, the process of adaptation, and the struggles to find their place in a new society.The film portrays the difficulties faced by immigrants in settling into a new country, including language barriers, cultural differences, and societal prejudices. It explores themes of displacement, longing for home, and the search for acceptance.
Architecture as a Metaphor for LifeLászló's architectural work acts as a reflection of his inner world, his designs mirroring his emotional state and personal growth. His architectural projects symbolize the process of creation, rebuilding, and finding beauty amidst chaos.László's architectural designs are not just blueprints; they're symbolic representations of his own life's trajectory. The complexities and challenges of his projects mirror the complexities and challenges he faces in his personal life.



Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's voice is characterized by a masterful blend of realism and poetic introspection. The screenplay uses a range of stylistic choices, shifting between stark, naturalistic dialogue revealing raw emotion and vulnerability (Scenes 4, 17, 48), and atmospheric, evocative descriptions emphasizing mood and internal conflict (Scenes 1, 18). Poetic voiceovers, often from Erzsébet, provide lyrical counterpoint to the gritty realism, enhancing the emotional weight of the characters' journeys (Scenes 2, 3). The directorial choices implied – contrasting visuals, emotional crescendos through music – further underscore the emotional depth and thematic complexity.
Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a deeply immersive and emotionally resonant experience. The shifts in style prevent the narrative from becoming monotonous, reflecting the characters' fluctuating emotional states and the complex themes of immigration, survival, and the human condition. The blend of realism and poetic lyricism creates a sense of authenticity while maintaining an artistic sensibility. The use of Hungarian dialogue adds a layer of cultural authenticity and underscores the characters' displacement and struggle for identity in a new land. The overall effect is a richly textured narrative with considerable emotional depth and thematic resonance.
Best Representation Scene 1 - Silent Testimony
Best Scene Explanation This scene is the best representation because it showcases the writer's signature blend of stylistic elements most effectively. The sparse, emotionally charged dialogue in Hungarian, the atmospheric descriptions, the implied directorial choices prioritizing mood and atmosphere, and the focus on internal conflict and psychological tension all combine to create a scene that is both powerful and deeply evocative. It sets the tone for the entire screenplay and perfectly encapsulates the writer's unique voice.
Originality
  • Overall originality score: 9
  • Overall originality explanation: The screenplay demonstrates a high level of originality through its nuanced exploration of complex themes such as identity, trauma, and the immigrant experience. The use of Hungarian language and cultural elements adds authenticity, while the diverse settings—from construction sites to intimate family moments—create a rich tapestry of human experience. The characters are well-developed, with their actions and dialogue feeling genuine and impactful, contributing to the overall originality of the narrative.
  • Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the emotional reunion between László and Erzsébet after her struggles with health, the poignant speech by Zsófia honoring her uncle's legacy at the Architecture Biennale, and the intense confrontation between Erzsébet and the Van Buren family regarding serious accusations, which highlight the complexities of familial relationships and societal issues.
  • Overall unpredictability score: 8
  • Overall unpredictability explanation: The screenplay maintains a strong sense of unpredictability through its intricate character dynamics and the unfolding of personal and societal conflicts. The emotional depth of the characters, combined with unexpected twists—such as the sudden medical crisis of Erzsébet and the confrontational moments at the Van Buren estate—keeps the audience engaged and guessing about the characters' fates. The blend of personal struggles with broader themes of immigration and trauma adds layers of unpredictability to the narrative.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsThroughout the screenplay, the protagonist's internal goals evolve from a desperate need for survival and identity to a quest for connection and redemption. László grapples with his tumultuous past, strives for integrity, and yearns for familial unity as he deals with his wife Erzsébet's health and the challenges of displacement.
External Goals The protagonist's external goals transition from immediate survival in a foreign land to establishing a successful architectural career and building community facilities. László's journey includes navigating immigration issues, securing contracts, and creating spaces of cultural significance.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict revolves around the tension between individual ambition and communal responsibility; László struggles to balance his desire for personal success with the need to honor his family's legacy and contribute to the community.


Character Development Contribution: The interplay of goals and conflicts profoundly shapes László's character development, propelling him from a state of isolation and self-doubt to one of responsibility and connection, ultimately maturing him through his trials.

Narrative Structure Contribution: These elements serve as pivotal turning points in the narrative, guiding the protagonist's journey and setting the stakes for conflict resolution, which thus propels the plot forward.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The goals and conflicts imbue the screenplay with thematic richness, exploring the complexities of memory, trauma, and the interplay between individual identity and communal heritage, and illustrating the resilience of the human spirit.


Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: The screenplay depicts a diverse range of physical environments, spanning from the stark coldness of a Vas County interview room and the cramped, dimly lit lower decks of a refugee ship to the seedy atmosphere of a brothel, the bustling streets of Philadelphia and New York City, the opulence of wealthy estates, the poverty of a soup kitchen, the picturesque serenity of a rural landscape, and the industrial grit of construction sites. Italian settings, specifically Carrara's marble quarries and Venice's Architecture Biennale, also feature prominently. The environments often reflect the characters' emotional states and social standings.
  • Culture: The dominant culture is Hungarian, reflected in the language spoken by many characters, their traditions, and their experiences of displacement and persecution. Jewish culture is also significant, shown through religious services, traditions, and the role of HIAS. American culture is represented through the immigrant experience, assimilation challenges, and the contrast between the gritty underbelly and the wealthy elite. Italian culture appears through the setting in Carrara and Venice and its relation to craftsmanship and art.
  • Society: The societal structure is complex and multi-layered. It contrasts the stark realities of poverty, displacement, and exploitation (seen in the refugee camps and the brothel) with the wealth and privilege of the Van Buren estate and its associated high society. The screenplay explores themes of class disparity, social hierarchies, the challenges of immigration, and the impact of historical events like World War II and the Soviet era on individuals and communities. Religious institutions (church, synagogue) play a role in providing social support and reflecting community values.
  • Technology: Technological advancement is unevenly distributed. While the screenplay is set in the mid-20th century, the level of technology varies significantly depending on the setting. Some scenes feature minimal technology, reflecting the historical period and the hardship experienced by refugees and the poor. Other scenes show the use of automobiles, construction equipment, telephones, and overhead projectors, representing varying degrees of modernization. The craftsmanship of furniture making is highlighted throughout, representing a blend of old-world skills and modern design.
  • Characters influence: The world's physical environments, cultural contexts, and societal structures profoundly shape the characters' experiences and actions. The harsh realities of poverty and displacement compel László to adapt and survive, while the opulence of the Van Buren estate presents both opportunities and moral dilemmas. The cultural and linguistic barriers faced by Hungarian immigrants in America influence their interactions and struggles with assimilation. Social hierarchies influence power dynamics, leading to conflict and exploitation. The characters' actions are often driven by their attempts to navigate these complex and contrasting environments.
  • Narrative contribution: The world-building contributes to the narrative by establishing distinct settings that drive the plot forward. The diverse locations—from Hungary to the United States, and various social strata—offer a backdrop for László's journey of survival, adaptation, and eventual success. The contrasts between these settings heighten the dramatic tension and highlight the challenges faced by the characters. The temporal setting (post-WWII) informs the character's motivations and experiences.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The world-building provides a rich context for exploring complex themes such as the immigrant experience, the effects of war and displacement, class inequality, the struggle for survival, the search for identity and belonging, and the complexities of human relationships. The contrasting environments and cultural contexts allow for a deeper examination of these themes, creating a multi-faceted and emotionally resonant narrative. The moral ambiguities present in the various settings challenge viewers to consider the ethical implications of power, wealth, and social responsibility.
Story Engine Analysis

central conflict

The central conflict revolves around László's struggle to adapt to life in America while dealing with the trauma of his past, the challenges of his relationships, and the pressures of his architectural career.

primary motivations

  • László's desire to reunite with his wife Erzsébet and ensure her well-being.
  • Erzsébet's motivation to support her family and navigate her health issues.
  • Zsófia's quest for identity and stability in a new country.

catalysts

  • The arrival of Erzsébet and Zsófia in America.
  • László's opportunity to work on significant architectural projects.
  • The emotional and physical challenges faced by Erzsébet due to her health.

barriers

  • Cultural and language barriers that complicate László's integration.
  • Personal demons, including László's struggles with addiction and anger.
  • External pressures from clients and the architectural community.

themes

  • The immigrant experience and the search for belonging.
  • The impact of trauma on personal relationships.
  • The intersection of art, architecture, and identity.

stakes

The stakes include the survival and well-being of László's family, the success of his architectural career, and the preservation of his family's legacy amidst the challenges of displacement.

uniqueness factor

The story uniquely intertwines personal and historical narratives, exploring the emotional depth of immigrant experiences through the lens of architecture and design.

audience hook

The emotional journey of László and his family, combined with the tension of navigating a new life in America, keeps viewers engaged.

paradoxical engine or bisociation

The paradoxical engine lies in László's dual identity as both an architect and a refugee, creating tension between his professional aspirations and personal struggles.

paradoxical engine or bisociation 2

Another bisociation could be the contrast between the beauty of architectural design and the harsh realities of displacement, highlighting the conflict between artistic vision and lived experience.


Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay 'The Brutalist' presents a compelling narrative that intricately weaves themes of trauma, identity, and resilience through the lives of its characters. The character arcs of László, Erzsébet, and Zsófia are well-developed, showcasing their struggles and growth against the backdrop of post-war America. The screenplay excels in its exploration of emotional depth and architectural symbolism, though it could benefit from tighter pacing in certain sections and clearer resolutions for some character arcs. Overall, it is a poignant and thought-provoking piece that resonates with its audience.

Strengths
  • The screenplay effectively establishes a haunting atmosphere through its use of black and white imagery and sound design, immersing the audience in the emotional landscape of the characters. high ( Scene 1 (1)   Scene 2 (2)   )
  • Character development is a strong point, particularly in the arcs of László and Erzsébet, who navigate their trauma and relationships with depth and nuance. high ( Scene 6 (6)   Scene 14 (14)   )
  • The thematic exploration of architecture as a reflection of personal and collective identity is compelling and adds layers to the narrative. high ( Scene 44 (146)   )
  • The screenplay's structure, with its use of flashbacks and voiceovers, effectively conveys the passage of time and the weight of memory. medium ( Scene 1 (1)   Scene 80 (80)   )
  • The emotional climax in the final scenes is powerful, providing a satisfying resolution to the characters' journeys. high ( Scene 60 (161)   )
Areas of Improvement
  • Certain sections, particularly in the middle, feel rushed and could benefit from more detailed exploration of character interactions and emotional beats. medium ( Scene 3 (3)   Scene 4 (4)   )
  • Some character arcs, particularly those of supporting characters, feel underdeveloped and could use more depth to enhance the overall narrative. medium ( Scene 5 (5)   )
  • The resolution of certain plot threads, such as the fate of Zsófia and her family, feels abrupt and could be more thoroughly addressed. high ( Scene 44 (146)   )
  • The pacing in the final act could be tightened to maintain momentum leading to the climax, ensuring the emotional impact is fully realized. medium ( Scene 60 (161)   )
  • While the thematic elements are strong, some motifs could be more consistently woven throughout the screenplay to enhance cohesion. medium ( Scene 1 (1)   )
MissingElements
  • A deeper exploration of the socio-political context of the time could enrich the narrative and provide more background for the characters' motivations. medium ( Scene 4 (4)   )
  • More scenes depicting the daily lives of the characters in America would help ground their experiences and make their struggles more relatable. medium ( Scene 5 (5)   )
  • The screenplay could benefit from additional scenes that showcase the impact of László's work on the community, reinforcing the theme of architecture as a means of healing. medium ( Scene 60 (161)   )
  • The emotional stakes could be heightened by including more direct conflicts between characters, particularly regarding their differing views on identity and belonging. medium ( Scene 44 (146)   )
  • A clearer setup of the central conflict at the beginning would help orient the audience and establish stakes from the outset. high ( Scene 1 (1)   )
NotablePoints
  • The opening montage sets a powerful tone, establishing the film's visual style and thematic focus on architecture and memory. high ( Scene 1 (1)   )
  • The final scene's emotional resonance and thematic closure provide a satisfying culmination to the characters' journeys. high ( Scene 60 (161)   )
  • The use of voiceover throughout the screenplay adds depth to the characters' internal struggles and enhances the emotional weight of the narrative. medium ( Scene 5 (5)   )
  • The screenplay's exploration of the immigrant experience is poignant and relatable, resonating with contemporary audiences. high ( Scene 44 (146)   )
  • The screenplay's unique blend of personal and architectural storytelling sets it apart from typical dramas, offering a fresh perspective. high ( Scene 3 (3)   )
Blind Spots
  • Character Motivations The motivations of some supporting characters, particularly those in the immigrant community, are not fully explored, leaving their arcs feeling incomplete. For example, Zsófia's transition into adulthood and her relationship with her uncle could be more fleshed out to enhance emotional stakes. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Pacing Issues Certain scenes, particularly in the middle act, feel rushed and could benefit from more detailed exploration of character interactions and emotional beats. This can detract from the overall impact of the narrative. medium

Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The Brutalist is a compelling and ambitious screenplay with a unique premise and strong visual style. While the narrative is engaging and the characters are well-developed, some pacing issues and a lack of clarity in certain plot points require attention. The script's strengths lie in its evocative imagery, complex characters, and exploration of trauma and resilience. Addressing the identified areas of improvement will significantly enhance the script's overall impact.

Strengths
  • The screenplay excels in its visual storytelling. The descriptions of settings, particularly the architectural elements, are rich and evocative, creating a strong visual identity for the film. The use of montage and specific camera angles (e.g., ultra-bowed lens) enhances the emotional impact of key scenes. high ( Scene 1 (1)   Scene 2 (2)   Scene 3 (3)   Scene 20   Scene 39   )
  • The characters are complex and multifaceted, with compelling backstories and motivations. László’s journey from traumatized refugee to accomplished architect is particularly well-drawn, exploring themes of identity, survival, and the lingering effects of past trauma. The relationships between László, Erzsébet, and Zsófia are deeply affecting. high ( Scene 14   Scene 31   Scene 32   Scene 85   )
  • The screenplay effectively employs thematic tension to explore complex ideas. The themes of trauma, resilience, the immigrant experience, and the search for identity are interwoven throughout the narrative, creating a compelling and thought-provoking experience for the audience. high ( Scene 7   Scene 17   Scene 32   Scene 121   )
  • The use of visual motifs and recurring imagery (e.g., the journey, architectural forms, light and shadow) adds depth and resonance to the narrative. These elements enhance the film's overall aesthetic and thematic coherence. medium ( Scene 11   Scene 25   Scene 106   )
  • The screenplay concludes with a powerful and poignant scene that offers a satisfying resolution while leaving room for reflection. The final confrontation between Erzsébet and Van Buren is emotionally charged and dramatically effective. high ( Scene 60   Scene 145   )
Areas of Improvement
  • The pacing in the early parts of the screenplay feels uneven. Some scenes, particularly those in New York, lack focus and could be streamlined to improve the overall flow of the narrative. Some exposition could be more subtly integrated into the narrative. medium ( Scene 4   Scene 5   Scene 6   Scene 7   )
  • The sexual assault scene in Orazio's atelier is important but needs more nuanced handling. The current depiction feels somewhat abrupt and lacks the emotional depth needed for such a significant event. The aftermath of this event in the following scenes needs more focus. high ( Scene 32   Scene 121   )
  • The depiction of László’s drug use needs to be clarified. While the script hints at his struggles with addiction, it's not fully explored. Showing, not telling, is key here. A more focused exploration of his addiction would strengthen the character and provide additional thematic depth. medium ( Scene 75   Scene 76   Scene 77   )
  • The confrontation scene in the trenches lacks clarity. While the tension is evident, the purpose and outcome of the scene are not entirely clear. This could be resolved with more focused dialogue and a stronger resolution to the conflict. medium ( Scene 94   )
  • The use of Erzsébet’s voiceover in scene 125 is partially effective. While it provides insight into her thoughts and feelings, it also obscures important dialogue. This scene could benefit from a more balanced approach, allowing both visual and auditory elements to contribute to the scene's impact. medium ( Scene 125   )
MissingElements
  • The screenplay could benefit from adding more scenes showing László's architectural work in progress, allowing viewers to better appreciate his skill and dedication to his craft. medium
  • Further developing the supporting characters, particularly Attila and Audrey, would deepen the narrative. Expanding on their relationship with László, and their own personal struggles, would add another layer of complexity to the story. medium
  • Some subplots, particularly those involving László's interactions with other characters, feel underdeveloped. Expanding on these relationships and their impact on László would enrich the narrative and enhance the overall emotional impact of the story. low
NotablePoints
  • The opening montage is a powerful visual introduction, setting the tone and themes of the film. high ( Scene 1   )
  • The letter from Erzsébet serves as a critical plot device and emotional anchor point for the narrative. high ( Scene 15   )
  • The epilogue effectively frames the story within a larger historical and cultural context. high ( Scene 160   )
  • The scene in Orazio’s Atelier is powerful and disturbing. It raises important questions about power dynamics, exploitation, and the psychological impact of trauma. high ( Scene 121   )
  • The final confrontation between Erzsébet and Van Buren is a powerful and dramatic climax that successfully resolves the central conflict of the screenplay. high ( Scene 145   )
Blind Spots
  • Underdeveloped Supporting Characters The screenplay focuses heavily on László, Erzsébet, and Zsófia. While their stories are compelling, other characters like Attila, Audrey, and Gordon are underdeveloped. Their motivations, inner conflicts, and relationships with the main characters are not fully explored, resulting in a somewhat flat representation of the supporting cast. This limits the emotional depth and resonance of the film, particularly in scenes involving these characters. medium
  • Pacing and Structure The pacing is inconsistent throughout the screenplay. Certain scenes feel rushed, while others drag. This is particularly noticeable in the earlier sections, where the abrupt transitions between locations and the lack of clear focus in certain scenes detract from the overall narrative flow. A stronger overall structure would help resolve these issues. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Overly Descriptive Dialogue At times, the dialogue feels overly descriptive, relaying information that could be conveyed more effectively through visual storytelling or action. For example, some conversations could be shorter, more impactful, and less reliant on character exposition. This makes certain scenes feel less natural and more like infodumps. medium
  • Inconsistent Tone The tone shifts abruptly in places, particularly between comedic and dramatic moments. While the script attempts to blend humor and tragedy, this sometimes feels jarring and disrupts the emotional flow of the narrative. A more cohesive tone would significantly enhance the film's overall impact. medium

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'The Brutalist' is a complex and thematically rich exploration of the life and work of Hungarian-American architect László Toth. Spanning multiple decades, the story follows Toth's journey from Europe to America, his struggles to establish himself in a new country, and his tumultuous relationship with a powerful patron, Harrison Van Buren. The screenplay's greatest strengths lie in its intricate character development, its bold visual style, and its ambitious, multi-layered narrative. While there are a few areas that could be further refined, such as pacing in certain sections and the need for additional character backstories, the overall impact of the screenplay is powerful and thought-provoking, making it a compelling prospect for adaptation.

Strengths
  • The opening sequences effectively establish the tone, themes, and central conflict of the story, utilizing a striking visual style and evocative sound design to draw the audience into the world of the characters. high ( Scene 1 (1)   Scene 2 (2)   )
  • The character development of László Toth is particularly strong, with the screenplay delving into his complex relationships, professional struggles, and personal traumas in a nuanced and compelling way. high ( Scene 14 (14)   Scene 15 (15)   )
  • The screenplay's visual style, particularly in the depiction of the architectural designs and construction sequences, is both aesthetically captivating and thematically relevant, elevating the overall storytelling. high ( Scene 19 (60)   Scene 23 (74)   )
  • The screenplay effectively explores the themes of displacement, cultural identity, and the immigrant experience, seamlessly weaving these elements into the broader narrative. high ( Scene 25 (80)   Scene 27 (90)   )
  • The screenplay's examination of the complex power dynamics and class divisions within the characters' relationships is nuanced and thought-provoking. high ( Scene 46 (125)   Scene 47 (128)   )
Areas of Improvement
  • The pacing in certain sections, particularly the early brothel scenes, could be tightened to maintain the overall momentum of the story. medium ( Scene 7 (7)   Scene 8 (8)   )
  • The screenplay could benefit from additional backstory and character development for some of the supporting characters, such as Attila and Audrey, to provide a more well-rounded understanding of the dynamics at play. medium ( Scene 25 (80)   Scene 26 (85)   )
  • The transitions between certain scenes, particularly the shifts in time and location, could be more seamless to maintain the audience's engagement and flow of the narrative. low ( Scene 41 (92)   Scene 42 (97)   )
MissingElements
  • While the screenplay effectively explores the relationship between László and Erzsébet, there could be an opportunity to delve deeper into the motivations and backstories of other key characters, such as Zsófia and Binyamin, to provide a more well-rounded understanding of the central conflicts. medium ( Scene 33 (111)   Scene 34 (115)   )
  • The screenplay could benefit from a more cohesive exploration of the themes of addiction and its impact on the characters, rather than relying on more abrupt shifts in tone and character behavior. medium ( Scene 52 (137)   Scene 53 (140)   )
NotablePoints
  • The screenplay's use of architectural details and design elements as a means of exploring the characters' inner lives and the broader thematic elements is a particularly compelling and unique approach. high ( Scene 19 (60)   Scene 20 (61)   )
  • The screenplay's ability to effectively balance the personal and professional struggles of the characters, while maintaining a strong sense of visual storytelling, is a notable strength. high ( Scene 28 (94)   Scene 29 (96)   )
  • The screenplay's handling of sensitive subject matter, such as addiction and trauma, is handled with care and nuance, avoiding sensationalism and instead focusing on the emotional impact on the characters. high ( Scene 48 (129)   Scene 49 (133)   )
Blind Spots
  • Lack of Diverse Perspectives While the screenplay effectively explores the immigrant experience and the challenges faced by the central characters, it could benefit from incorporating more diverse perspectives, particularly in regards to gender and race. The supporting characters, such as Audrey and Maggie Lee, could be further developed to provide a more nuanced understanding of the power dynamics and cultural differences at play. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Pacing Issues As noted in the areas of improvement, the pacing in certain sections, particularly the early brothel scenes, could be tightened to maintain the overall momentum of the story. Some of the transitions between scenes could also be more seamless to keep the audience engaged. medium
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
2ERZSÉBET: I cried out in ecstasy to have news of you. Zsófia is with me though she is frail, strange and quite ill.
40LÁSZLÓ: Everything we see that is ugly- stupid, cruel, and ugly. Everything is your fault.
54ERZSÉBET: You egotistic scoundrel. There is NO REASON for me to be here. I am here for you! I could do my ridiculous job ANYWHERE! Do you think I went to university to write about lipsticks! Shame on you.
19GORDON: A rose must remain with the sun and the rain Or its lovely promise won't come true To Each His Own, To Each His Own And my own is you-
41Erzsébet: I’m proud of you. Make love to me tonight.