baby girl

Executive Summary

Poster
Overview

Genres: Drama, Romance, Family, Thriller, Comedy, Sci-Fi, Erotic, Business, Psychological, Psychological Thriller

Setting: Contemporary, New York City and an upstate house

Overview: In 'Baby Girl,' we follow Romy, a successful CEO in her late 40s, who navigates the complexities of her professional life while grappling with hidden desires and emotional turmoil. The story begins with Romy experiencing intimacy with her husband Jacob, but soon reveals her internal conflicts as she seeks validation through her career and personal relationships. As Romy interacts with her family and a younger intern, Samuel, she confronts her vulnerabilities and the tension between her public persona and private desires. The narrative unfolds through a series of intimate moments, professional challenges, and emotional confrontations, leading Romy to a breaking point where she must reconcile her ambitions with her personal life. Ultimately, the story explores her journey towards self-acceptance and genuine connection.

Themes: The Complexity of Female Desire and Identity, The Illusion of Perfection and the Pursuit of Control, The Dynamics of Power, Intimacy, and Consent in Relationships, The Tension Between Personal and Professional Life, The Exploration of Trauma and Healing

Conflict and Stakes: Romy's internal struggle between her professional ambitions and personal desires, leading to tensions in her marriage and her relationships with Samuel and her family.

Overall Mood: Introspective and tense, with moments of warmth and vulnerability.

Mood/Tone at Key Scenes:

  • Scene 1: The mood is intimate and charged as Romy experiences ecstasy with Jacob, contrasting with her later isolation.
  • Scene 10: The mood is tense and chaotic as Romy navigates her family dynamics during breakfast, highlighting her internal struggles.
  • Scene 25: The mood is somber and reflective as Romy confronts her past actions, leading to a breakdown in her relationship with Jacob.

Standout Features:

  • Unique Hook: The duality of Romy's life as a powerful CEO juxtaposed with her personal vulnerabilities and desires.
  • Plot Twist: Romy's unexpected romantic involvement with Samuel, which complicates her already strained marriage.
  • Innovative Ideas: Exploration of modern relationships through the lens of a working mother balancing career and family.
  • Distinctive Settings: The contrast between the bustling city life of New York and the serene yet isolating upstate house.

Comparable Scripts:

  • The Affair
  • Mad Men
  • Fifty Shades of Grey
  • The Hours
  • Her
  • Little Fires Everywhere
  • Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
  • The End of the Affair
  • Normal People

Writing Style:

The screenplay exhibits a diverse range of writing styles, showcasing both dialogue-driven scenes with sharp wit and complex character interactions, and more intimate, character-focused scenes exploring raw emotions and nuanced relationships. There's a blend of realism and moments of heightened drama or surrealism, depending on the specific scene.

Style Similarities:

  • Aaron Sorkin
  • Greta Gerwig
  • Noah Baumbach
Other Similarities
Pass/Consider/Recommend

Consider


Explanation: Babygirl is a daring and ambitious screenplay exploring themes of power, sexuality, and repressed trauma through a compelling female protagonist. While the script boasts a unique premise and strong central performance, it suffers from pacing issues, underdeveloped supporting characters, and a somewhat uneven tonal balance. Significant revisions focusing on narrative structure and character arc consistency are needed to reach its full potential.


USP: What sets 'Baby Girl' apart is its unflinching examination of a woman's internal conflict between societal expectations and personal desires. The screenplay delves into taboo subjects with sensitivity and nuance, making it a compelling piece for audiences interested in character-driven narratives that challenge traditional gender roles.
Market Analysis

Budget Estimate:$15-25 million

Target Audience Demographics: Adults aged 25-54, particularly those interested in character-driven dramas and explorations of modern relationships.

Marketability: The screenplay features relatable themes of love, ambition, and personal struggle, appealing to a broad audience.

The complex character dynamics and emotional depth can attract viewers looking for nuanced storytelling.

While it has strong character development, the themes may not resonate with all demographics, limiting its broader appeal.

Profit Potential: Moderate to high, as it could attract a dedicated audience and perform well in festivals and awards circuits, enhancing its visibility.

Analysis Criteria Percentiles
Writer's Voice

Summary:The writer's voice is characterized by a potent blend of intimacy and observation. It's a voice that simultaneously delves into the raw, emotional interiority of its characters while maintaining a keen awareness of the external world – be it the sterile environment of a technologically advanced warehouse or the messy complexities of family life. This is achieved through a sophisticated interplay of intimate, often naturalistic dialogue; vivid, sensory-rich narrative descriptions; and precise, evocative scene directions that guide the reader's experience.

Best representation: Scene 1 - Reflections of Perfection. This scene is the best representation because it most effectively showcases the writer's signature blend of intimacy and observation. The dialogue is raw and realistic, capturing the unspoken tensions and desires between Romy and Jacob. The narrative description is vividly sensory, painting a picture of the atmosphere and Romy's emotional state. The scene’s simplicity and directness, focused on the character's internal conflict, allows the writer's unique voice to shine through most clearly. It sets the stage for the broader themes of the screenplay: the exploration of desire, the complexity of relationships, and the contrast between public and private selves.

Memorable Lines:

  • Romy: I’m not normal. I’m not other women! Look at me. I’m not normal. (Scene 39)
  • Romy: As more and more artificial intelligence is entering into the world, more and more emotional intelligence must enter into leadership. (Scene 5)
  • Esme: You will never see Samuel again. You will be a good leader and you will create more opportunities for women within the company, and be a good example and role model to us all. (Scene 50)
  • Samuel: Do you really believe that automation can provide a path to sustainability or is that just something people say to make you like robots? (Scene 6)
  • Romy: I just want to be normal. I want to be normal- I want to be what you like. I want to be the woman you like- (Scene 51)
Characters

Romy Mathis:A complex woman balancing her professional life as a CEO with her personal struggles and desires.

Jacob:Romy's husband, who is emotionally invested in their relationship but struggles with Romy's distance.

Samuel:A young intern who becomes romantically involved with Romy, representing both temptation and conflict.

Esme:Romy's assistant, who navigates her own ambitions and relationships while supporting Romy.

Isabel:Romy's daughter, who represents the younger generation's struggles with identity and relationships.

Nora:Romy's younger daughter, adding to the family dynamic and pressures.

Story Shape
Summary **Summary:** **Title:** *Introspection in Layers* In a world where love intertwines with personal desire and ambition, *Introspection in Layers* follows Romy Mathis, a successful corporate leader navigating the complexities of her relationships and self-identity. The film opens on an intimate night with her husband, Jacob, revealing their affectionate yet complicated bond. When Romy, restless in her pursuit of self-exploration, sneaks away to watch explicit content, it illustrates her inner conflict between her desires and the expectations of her family life. Romy's journey takes her through various facets of her life: from attention to her polished exterior as she prepares for work, to the lively dynamics at home with her daughters, Isabel and Nora. Amidst the warmth of family interactions, Romy faces societal pressures, confronted by a chaotic urban backdrop where she courageously intervenes in a dog crisis, showcasing her protective instincts. As Romy excels in her career, leading the launch of an emotionally intelligent robot, her internal struggles manifest through her encounters with Samuel, a young intern. Their flirtation challenges her commitment to Jacob and complicates her professional environment, stirring feelings of jealousy and longing. Meanwhile, Romy grapples with self-image issues, undergoing cosmetic procedures and conflicting emotions about her childhood trauma during therapy sessions. Through a series of vignettes, the screenplay explores the juxtaposition of Romy's seemingly perfect life against her emotional turbulence. Key moments include intimate exchanges between Romy and Jacob that reveal their deep connection, alongside flirty banters and charged encounters with Samuel that depict her growing attraction and internal conflict. Romy's interactions with family members, particularly her daughters, reveal deeper vulnerabilities. She navigates her daughter Isabel's identity struggles while attempting to maintain familial harmony despite underlying tensions about their relationships and expectations. As the narrative unfolds, Romy's encounters range from playful to confrontational, highlighting the complexity of her needs and desires. In a gripping climax, her emotional turmoil reaches a peak, stemming from confrontations with Jacob about past secrets, while her feelings for Samuel push her toward an intricate passion fraught with uncertainty. Ultimately, *Introspection in Layers* is a poignant exploration of modern womanhood, the balancing act between professional ambition and personal fulfillment, and the quest for emotional connection in a world filled with both love and longing. The film captures the tumultuous path to self-discovery against the backdrop of intimacy, societal expectations, and the search for authenticity in a layered life.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay boasts a compelling central character in Romy, a complex woman navigating ambition, desire, and family life. Her internal conflicts and emotional turmoil are effectively portrayed, creating a protagonist with depth and relatability. The exploration of themes such as female ambition, power dynamics in relationships, and the pressures of modern life provides fertile ground for dramatic exploration. However, the plot suffers from a lack of focus. The numerous subplots, including Romy's affair with Samuel, her strained marriage, and her professional life, aren't always interwoven effectively. This results in a somewhat disjointed narrative, lacking a strong central conflict that drives the story forward consistently. The sudden shifts in tone between intense emotional moments and lighter, comedic scenes also disrupt the flow. Furthermore, the ending feels somewhat abrupt and unsatisfying, leaving many plot threads unresolved. Finally, the character of Samuel feels underdeveloped, oscillating between charming and manipulative without a clear motivation. A stronger central conflict and more cohesive integration of subplots are needed to elevate the overall narrative.
Suggestions: - Develop a stronger central conflict that grounds all the subplots. This could focus on a specific professional challenge Romy faces, a crisis in her marriage, or a turning point in her relationship with Samuel. - Streamline the plot by removing less crucial subplots. Prioritize those directly related to Romy's primary arc. - Create clearer stakes for Romy's choices. What are the potential consequences of her actions? - Develop Samuel's character more fully. Give him a clearer motivation and consistent personality traits. - Provide a more satisfying and conclusive ending that ties up loose ends and provides a sense of resolution for Romy's arc.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here
Beginning The opening scenes effectively establish Romy's complex character. The juxtaposition of her intimate moment with Jacob and her subsequent solitary sexual act immediately highlights her internal conflict and hints at a deeper, untold story. The warehouse imagery is a strong visual metaphor for her ordered yet chaotic internal world. The early scenes showcasing her family life create a relatable backdrop, illustrating the pressures she faces juggling career and family. However, the introduction feels somewhat scattered, jumping between different aspects of Romy's life without establishing a clear overarching conflict or central question. The opening lacks a strong hook to immediately captivate the audience and set the tone for the entire narrative. The introduction of the secret video viewing lacks context and feels abrupt. More development is needed to understand why she watches the video, and how it impacts her.
Suggestions: - Start with a more impactful hook – a dramatic event, a revealing moment, or a significant conflict that immediately draws the audience in. - Focus on establishing a clear central conflict or question in the first act. What is Romy's central struggle? What will she face in the next few acts? - Provide more context for the secret video viewing. Explore its significance to Romy’s psychology, her relationship with Jacob, or potential future storylines.
Middle The middle section attempts to develop Romy's character through her interactions with various people: Samuel, Jacob, Esme and her colleagues. The interactions with Samuel are intriguing, creating a sense of mystery and tension. The scenes with Jacob and her daughters showcase her more human and vulnerable side. The inclusion of professional challenges at work, such as the product launch and ethical dilemmas, adds layers to her character. However, the pacing becomes uneven. Some subplots, like Romy’s relationship with Esme, feel underdeveloped, while others, such as the escalating relationship with Samuel, are rushed. The plot threads don’t always connect, leading to a sense of fragmentation, preventing a fully immersive experience. The episodic nature of the middle act weakens the overarching narrative. The middle lacks a driving force, or a strong turning point to move the plot forward.
Suggestions: - Create a more cohesive structure by organizing the middle section around a central conflict that unfolds gradually. - Develop subplots more organically, ensuring each contributes to the main plot’s progression and the development of Romy’s character. - Introduce a clear turning point in the middle act to raise the stakes and propel the narrative towards the climax.
Ending The ending of the screenplay feels rushed and unresolved. The quick resolution of Romy's affair with Samuel lacks emotional weight. The reconciliation with Jacob feels unearned, and the overall sense of closure is weak. The final scenes, including the warehouse rave and the confrontation in the hotel room, while visually striking, do not effectively resolve Romy's core conflicts. The abrupt ending leaves many questions unanswered, and several subplots remain dangling without proper resolution. The emotional impact is diminished by the lack of a powerful cathartic moment for the protagonist.
Suggestions: - Provide a more satisfying and conclusive ending to Romy’s main arc. This should resolve her key conflicts and leave the audience with a strong sense of closure. - Create a clear climax that directly confronts Romy’s deepest fears and internal struggles. - Give more weight to the resolution of her relationship with Samuel, her family and her career. - Ensure that loose ends are properly tied up, and all significant subplots are given a satisfying conclusion. - Consider adding a final scene that provides a sense of hope, peace or newfound understanding for Romy.

See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 - Dual Desires Intimate, Sensual, Secretive 8.5 9 89 9 886777779 89888
2 - Reflections of Perfection Introspective, Serious, Futuristic 8.2 9 89 8 787677878 89888
3 - Morning Melodies and Family Banter Light-hearted, Playful, Domestic, Busy 8.5 8 88 9 687463768 98899
4 - Bravery Amidst Chaos Anxious, Fearless, Curious, Tense 8.5 8 88 9 787888878 89988
5 - The Ethical Launch Serious, Innovative, Informative 8.2 9 89 8 687667876 89888
6 - First Impressions Enthusiastic, Kind, Surprised, Busy 8.5 8 98 9 787787978 88999
7 - Welcome to the Internship Informative, Light-hearted, Welcoming 7.5 8 77 8 587453867 79888
8 - Professional Tensions and Flirtatious Encounters Intense, Intriguing, Suspenseful, Emotional 8.5 8 99 9 887778879 99888
9 - Playful Intimacy Intimate, Playful, Vulnerable 8.5 8 89 9 787665779 89888
10 - Embracing Vulnerability Professional, Reflective, Instructional 8.5 8 88 9 787677878 98899
11 - Reflections in a Festive Corner Light-hearted, Reflective, Playful 8.5 8 89 9 787.5675888 998.588
12 - A Moment of Connection Intimate, Reflective, Intriguing 8.5 8 89 9 787776878 99888
13 - A Playful Distraction Intimate, Playful, Philosophical 8.5 8 88 9 787374779 99888
14 - Tangled Emotions Intimate, Vulnerable, Sensual 8.5 8 86 8 886665679 79888
15 - Beauty in Pain Introspective, Reflective, Emotional 7.5 8 79 8 787473568 68898
16 - Emotional Disconnect Introspective, Emotional, Reflective 8.5 9 89 8 887675779 79888
17 - Christmas Card Chaos Embarrassment, Playful, Hurt, Friendly 8.5 8 88 9 787776879 99888
18 - Awkward Encounters Awkward, Intimate, Emotional 8.5 8 88 9 787.5687889 99888
19 - Support and Aspirations Warm, Light-hearted 8.5 8 87 9 587473768 98888
20 - Unexpected Connections Tense, Intimate, Awkward, Confused 8.5 8 99 9 898877889 89888
21 - Whispers in the Night Anxious, Magical, Peaceful 8.5 8 98 8 887887889 89999
22 - Clearing the Waters Vulnerability, Confusion, Acceptance 8.5 8 89 9 887473679 89888
23 - Tension in the Lobby Tense, Intimate, Emotional 8.5 8 89 9 887.5787889 89888
24 - Rehearsal Tensions Tension, Admiration, Surprise, Humor 8.5 8 89 9 787776879 99888
25 - Jealousy in the Spotlight Jealousy, Enthusiasm, Humor 8.5 8 89 9 787776778 89888
26 - Echoes of Despair Tension, Vulnerability, Emotional 8.5 8 88 9 886777879 88999
27 - Between the Spotlight and Duty Tense, Embarrassed, Curious, Sweet, Genuine 8.5 8 98 9 887988979 89999
28 - Tension and Surrender Intense, Sensual, Conflicted 8.5 8 89 9 887988889 99888
29 - Unspoken Connections Tension, Vulnerability, Confusion 8.5 8 88 9 887777879 99888
30 - Passion Amidst Professionalism Passionate, Intense, Tense, Vulnerable 8.5 8 89 9 887979879 89888
31 - From Control to Celebration Intimate, Tense, Emotional, Joyful 8.5 8 99 9 887777879 89888
32 - Moments of Connection Playful, Intimate, Happy 8.5 8 88 9 787263679 89888
33 - A Tense Reunion Tense, Awkward, Heartwarming 8.5 8 88.5 9 787.5786879 998.588
34 - Boundaries and Confusion Tense, Emotional, Confrontational 8.5 8 89 9 887988879 99888
35 - Tension in the Office Tense, Nervous, Submissive 7.5 8 78 8 687777778 88999
36 - Descent into Panic Tension, Fear, Panic, Vulnerability 8.5 8 99 8 887.5888989 998.588
37 - Emotional Disconnect Emotional, Intense, Tense 8.5 8 89 9 887877879 89888
38 - A Night of Rejection Tension, Humiliation, Rejection 8.5 8 88 9 887988879 89999
39 - Unspoken Tensions Emotional, Tense, Vulnerable 8.5 8 87 9 887877779 99888
40 - Tension in the Basement Tense, Anxious, Vulnerable, Intense, Seductive 8.5 9 89 9 887.5989899 998.588
41 - Intimate Vulnerability Intimate, Vulnerable, Emotional, Sensual 8.5 8 89 9 987877779 89888
42 - A Birthday Celebration with Hidden Tensions Tense, Anxious, Worried 7.5 8 78 8 787.5877788 89888
43 - Tension in the Kitchen Tense, Jealous, Intimidating, Uneasy 8.5 8 89 9 887988889 99888
44 - Tensions of Friendship Tense, Intimate, Anxious 8.5 8 88 9 787777879 99888
45 - Balancing Act Tense, Anxious, Vulnerable 8.5 8 87 9 887777769 88898
46 - Rave Awakening Tense, Anxious, Vulnerable, Intimate, Wild, Aggressive 8.5 8 89 9 887888889 89888
47 - Whispers in the Dark Intimate, Tender, Vulnerable 8.5 8 89 9 887776779 99888
48 - Late Night Concerns Tense, Anxious, Warm 8.5 8 88 9 787564669 89888
49 - Morning Mayhem Tense, Anxious, Surprised 8.2 8 88 9 787877878 89888
50 - Confrontation in the Rain Tense, Confrontational, Emotional 8.5 9 89 9 887988989 99888
51 - Shattered Trust Anxious, Vulnerable, Emotional, Horrified, Decisive, Controlled Aggression 9.2 9 98 10 99710899710 99888
52 - Unexpected Encounter Intimate, Tense, Emotional 8.5 8 89 9 887877889 89898
53 - Drowning in Desire Intense, Emotional, Tense, Vulnerable 8.5 8 88 9 887979989 89888
54 - Confrontation and Compassion Intense, Emotional, Tense, Confrontational 8.7 9 99 9 987989989 89888
55 - Voices of Empowerment and Isolation Tense, Lonely, Reflective 8.5 9 88 9 787776879 89888
56 - Contrasting Struggles Tense, Emotional, Lonely, Empowering 8.5 8 88 9 887777879 99888
57 - Embracing Authenticity Tense, Intense, Emotional, Lonely 8.5 9 89 9 887776779 99888
58 - A Call for Reconciliation Emotional, Intense, Reflective 8.5 8 89 9 887676779 99888
59 - Confrontation in the Office Intense, Confrontational, Defiant 9.2 9 99 10 8989888810 109888
60 - Moments of Intimacy and Liberation Intense, Raw, Vulnerable, Tender, Liberated 9.2 9 99 10 9977668710 89888


Scene 1 - Dual Desires
INT. ROMY AND JACOB’S APARTMENT- BEDROOM NIGHT

Close on: a woman’s face, ROMY (49). Pure ecstasy. She holds
her breath, lets go and and starts to orgasm. The camera
reveals her husband JACOB (58, warm, handsome) who is laying
underneath her and climaxes at the same time. He is in heaven
as she leans down and brings her face close to his.

JACOB
I love you.

ROMY
(warm)
Love you.

Lovingly, she kisses him. He turns over and falls asleep. A
beat. Romy’s eyes are restless. Quietly, she gets out of bed.


INT. ROMY AND JACOB’S APARTMENT- LONG HALLWAY TO BEDROOMS -
NIGHT

Quickly, Romy walks to her study.


INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT- STUDY NIGHT

Romy sneaks into her study, and opens her laptop. The screen
lights up the otherwise dark room. She types quickly, then
takes the laptop from the desk, and puts it down on the
floor. She lies down on her belly in front of it. She faces
the computer. She clicks on one of the video’s. Her hand
moves towards her crotch. On the screen Romy sees:

Close on a WOMAN’s face. She answers questions from a man who
is filming her.

MAN
(whispers)
How does daddy use you?

WOMAN
Anyway he pleases..

MAN
Louder.

WOMAN
Any way he pleases.

Romy sees how the couple on her screen start to have rough
sex. She covers her mouth with her hand, while she pleasures
herself until she comes. For real this time.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 2.


Immediately after she climaxes, she closes the laptop. The
room goes dark.



Over black, the title:

BABYGIRL
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Erotic"]

Summary In a night filled with intimacy, Romy shares a passionate moment with her husband Jacob, who expresses his love before falling asleep. Restless, Romy leaves their bedroom to explore her own desires in the study, where she watches an explicit video and pleasures herself to climax. The scene captures the tension between her loving relationship and her personal exploration, ending with her closing the laptop and the room descending into darkness.
Strengths
  • Intimate exploration of character's desires
  • Sensual and impactful moments
  • Effective establishment of tone and themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Minimal external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the internal conflict and desires of the main character, Romy, through a sensual and intimate exploration of her secret fantasies. The tone is well-established, and the scene leaves a lasting impact on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring a character's hidden desires and fantasies in a late-night ritual is intriguing and adds depth to the character of Romy. It sets up a compelling internal conflict that will drive the narrative forward.

Plot: 8

While the scene focuses more on character exploration than plot progression, it sets up important internal conflicts and desires that will likely impact the story's direction. The scene serves as a crucial moment for character development.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of intimacy and sexuality, with authentic character actions and dialogue that challenge traditional narratives.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into the character of Romy, revealing her hidden desires and the guilt she feels about them. The intimate moments showcase her complexity and set the stage for potential character growth.

Character Changes: 8

Romy undergoes a subtle but significant change in the scene, as her hidden desires and internal conflict are brought to the surface. The experience in her study may lead to further character development and growth as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to explore her own desires and sexuality, reflecting her deeper needs for fulfillment and intimacy.

External Goal: 6

Romy's external goal in this scene is to satisfy her sexual desires and find fulfillment in her personal exploration.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains internal conflict within the character of Romy, as she grapples with her hidden desires and the guilt associated with them. While the conflict is more emotional and internal, it sets up potential external conflicts to come.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Romy faces internal and external obstacles in her quest for personal fulfillment and intimacy.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are primarily internal, as Romy grapples with her hidden desires and the guilt associated with them. The emotional and psychological stakes are high, setting the stage for potential external conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene focuses more on character exploration than plot progression, it sets up important internal conflicts and desires that will likely impact the story's direction. The scene serves as a crucial moment for character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it challenges traditional views of intimacy and sexuality, presenting unexpected character actions and dialogue that keep the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between societal norms and personal desires. Romy's actions challenge traditional views of intimacy and sexuality, reflecting a clash between societal expectations and individual fulfillment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into Romy's world of secret desires and internal conflict. The intimate and sensual moments evoke a range of emotions, from passion to guilt, leaving a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, capturing the intimate and secretive nature of Romy's late-night ritual. The whispered exchanges between the characters add to the sensual tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it delves into the protagonist's inner desires and struggles, creating a sense of intimacy and vulnerability that draws the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and anticipation as the protagonist explores her desires and struggles with societal expectations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on the protagonist's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a strong emotional moment between Romy and Jacob, effectively establishing their intimacy. However, the transition from this intimate moment to Romy's subsequent actions feels abrupt. The shift from a loving connection to her solitary exploration of sexuality could benefit from a smoother narrative bridge that highlights her internal conflict or desire for something more.
  • Romy's character is introduced with a clear sense of ecstasy, but her motivations for leaving the bedroom and engaging with the laptop could be more deeply explored. Adding internal monologue or visual cues that reflect her emotional state could enhance the audience's understanding of her character's complexity.
  • The dialogue between Romy and Jacob is minimal but effective in conveying their affection. However, the scene could benefit from a bit more context or subtext in their interaction to deepen their relationship dynamics. For instance, a brief exchange about their day or a shared joke could add layers to their connection.
  • The depiction of Romy's actions in front of the laptop is explicit and may alienate some viewers. While it serves to illustrate her character's desires, it risks overshadowing the emotional depth established earlier. Balancing the explicit content with more nuanced emotional exploration could create a more compelling scene.
  • The use of the laptop as a prop is effective in symbolizing Romy's hidden desires, but the dialogue from the video feels somewhat clichéd and could be more original. Crafting unique dialogue that resonates with Romy's character and her situation would enhance the scene's impact.
  • The closing moment, where Romy shuts the laptop and the room goes dark, is visually striking but could be more thematically resonant. Consider incorporating a sound design element or a visual motif that reflects her emotional state as she transitions from pleasure to darkness.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a brief internal monologue or visual flashback that hints at Romy's motivations for seeking pleasure outside her relationship with Jacob, providing context for her actions.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or conflict for Romy before she engages with the laptop, which could heighten the emotional stakes and make her actions more relatable.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Romy and Jacob to include more subtext or humor, which could deepen their relationship and make the transition to Romy's solitary moment feel more impactful.
  • Revise the dialogue from the video to be more unique and reflective of Romy's character, avoiding clichés and instead focusing on language that resonates with her internal struggles.
  • Explore the use of sound design or visual motifs in the closing moment to create a more profound thematic connection between Romy's pleasure and her emotional state as the scene transitions to darkness.



Scene 2 - Reflections of Perfection
INT. AUTOMATED WAREHOUSE-DAY

An overhead shot of a fully automated warehouse. Robots are
driving over a system of rails and magnetic tape, picking and
placing products in thousands of boxes. It is as if we are
looking inside Romy’s head.


INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT BATHROOM-EARLY MORNING

Close on Romy’s face. She applies toner, hyaluronic acid, day-
cream. She uses a Dermaflash tool to smoothen her skin. She
plucks her eyebrows. She taps her face with her fingers. She
applies bright pink blush to her cheeks. A mask of make up.
As she goes through her routine, she practices a speech.

ROMY
(mumbling quietly)
Unmatched order, accuracy and
efficiency....to transform
warehouses into future ready
opportunity centers....An increase
in e-commerce and fast shipping
expectations- in the face of real
estate and labour shortages...
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi"]

Summary In a scene that juxtaposes an overhead view of a fully automated warehouse with Romy meticulously applying her skincare and makeup in her apartment bathroom, we explore her internal struggle with self-image and professional ambition. As she rehearses a speech on the benefits of automation, the tone reflects her determination and anxiety. The visuals highlight her meticulous nature, contrasting her polished exterior with the pressures she faces internally. The scene concludes with Romy fully immersed in her beauty routine, symbolizing her ongoing quest for perfection.
Strengths
  • Effective juxtaposition of personal and professional worlds
  • Strong visual imagery
  • Engaging character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Minimal external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets up the internal conflict within Romy while providing a visually interesting contrast between her personal and professional worlds.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring Romy's internal conflict through the juxtaposition of her personal routine and the automated warehouse is innovative and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through Romy's internal monologue and the introduction of the futuristic warehouse setting, setting up potential conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach by juxtaposing the high-tech world of automation with the personal care routine of the protagonist. The authenticity of Romy's actions and dialogue adds depth to her character.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Romy's character is well-developed through her actions and internal thoughts, providing insight into her motivations and struggles.

Character Changes: 7

Romy undergoes a subtle internal change as she reflects on her personal and professional priorities.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to prepare herself for a professional presentation or meeting. This reflects her desire for success, competence, and possibly validation in her career.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal in this scene is to deliver a successful presentation or pitch related to warehouses and e-commerce. This reflects the immediate challenge or task she is facing in her professional life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Romy grapples with her personal desires and professional goals.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty about Romy's success in her presentation, adding depth to the conflict and character development.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are primarily internal for Romy, as she grapples with the balance between her personal happiness and professional success.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Romy's character arc and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected contrasts and conflicts between the characters and their environments, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the efficiency and automation of the warehouse world and the personal care and preparation of Romy in her bathroom. This conflict challenges the values of technology versus human touch and personal effort.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a sense of introspection and ambition, connecting the audience to Romy's internal struggles.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying Romy's internal conflict and professional ambitions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively captures the audience's attention with its unique blend of technology and personal drama, creating a sense of intrigue and curiosity about Romy's story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing the technical descriptions of the warehouse with the personal moments of Romy's beauty routine, creating a dynamic and engaging rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre by setting up the contrasting worlds of the warehouse and Romy's apartment, leading to a clear understanding of the protagonist's goals and conflicts.


Critique
  • The opening overhead shot of the automated warehouse serves as a strong visual metaphor for Romy's mental state, effectively linking her internal struggles with the external world. However, the transition from this metaphor to the bathroom scene feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • Romy's meticulous beauty routine is well-detailed, showcasing her desire for perfection and control. However, the scene could benefit from more emotional depth. While the actions are visually engaging, they lack a deeper connection to Romy's internal conflict. Adding subtle hints of her emotional state or thoughts during this routine could create a more profound connection with the audience.
  • The dialogue Romy practices is informative but lacks a personal touch. It feels more like a corporate speech than a reflection of her character. Incorporating her personal stakes or feelings about the automation topic could make the speech resonate more with the audience and reveal more about her character.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat slow, primarily due to the detailed descriptions of Romy's beauty routine. While this can be visually interesting, it risks losing the audience's engagement. Balancing the detailed actions with quicker cuts or interspersing her thoughts could maintain interest.
  • The scene lacks interaction with other characters, which could provide contrast to Romy's solitary routine. Introducing a brief interaction with Jacob or even a phone call could add layers to her character and highlight her isolation despite being in a relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transitional shot or a voiceover that connects the warehouse metaphor to Romy's bathroom scene, enhancing the thematic continuity.
  • Incorporate Romy's internal thoughts or feelings during her beauty routine to deepen the emotional resonance of the scene. This could be done through voiceover or visual cues that reflect her mental state.
  • Revise the speech Romy practices to include personal stakes or emotional connections to the topic of automation, making it more relatable and revealing her character's motivations.
  • Experiment with the pacing by intercutting Romy's routine with quick flashes of her thoughts or memories, creating a more dynamic rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.
  • Introduce a brief interaction with another character, such as Jacob, to provide contrast and highlight Romy's internal conflict, making her isolation more poignant.



Scene 3 - Morning Melodies and Family Banter
INT. ROMY AND JACOB’S APARTMENT- KITCHEN EARLY MORNING

Classical music is playing. Before anyone wakes up, Romy sets
the breakfast table perfectly. She is wearing an apron.
Carefully, she prepares lunch boxes. She sits down to write
little notes for her daughters. She hides them in their
backpacks.

CUT TO:

Romy is serving pancakes. Her two daughters, ISABEL (15) and
NORA (13) sit at the table. Jacob is on the phone with an
actor joking and discussing the character of Lovborg in Hedda
Gabler. In front of him on the table, paper and a red pen.
Everyone is talking at once. We hear fragments of Jacob’s
phone conversation.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 3.


JACOB
Because Hedda wants him to end his
life courageously, romantically-

ISABEL
So what are you going to wear?

ISABEL (CONT’D)
(laughing)
Did you give them to Ed?

ROMY
Who’s Ed?

NORA
The homeless woman downstairs-

JACOB NORA (CONT’D)
(into the phone) I don’t need them. I’m a
Exactly! Show that you’re dancer not a hiker.
showing!

ISABEL
(laughing)
We always hike, so you do need
them.

JACOB
(smiling, to his wife)
Why do you keep wearing that?

Romy looks at her apron. Jacob takes the pen and paper from
the table and walks away, laughing at a joke the actor makes
on the phone.

ROMY ISABEL
(to Jacob about the (to her sister)
apron) You can’t come if you don’t
You don’t like it? have hiking shoes. We’ll
leave you behind.

ROMY (CONT’D)
(to Nora)
The ones we bought last month? Did
you give them away?

NORA
Yes. They made me look weird.

ROMY
To a homeless person?

ISABEL
Ed.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 4.


ROMY
Did he fit them?

NORA
She.

ROMY
She!

ISABEL
Can Mary spend the night?

ROMY
(Decisive)
No!

Nora starts to move through the kitchen to practice the
tarantella. Automatically, Romy guides her back to her chair.

ISABEL
Why?

Jacob looks at Isabel and quickly hangs up.

JACOB
Your mother is busy with her
company right now. So we need peace
and quiet- It’s a scary time.

ROMY
(laughing)
It’s not scary, it’s exciting!

ISABEL
(imitating her mother’s
smile)
It’s not scary it’s exciting!

Jacob laughs. Romy, a bit offended, touches her necklace.
Jacob hands her the piece of paper with her speech on it.

JACOB
I made some small changes.

Playfully, Jacob grabs his wife and makes her giggle.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In the early morning, Romy prepares breakfast and lunch for her daughters, Isabel and Nora, while classical music plays. The family shares lively conversations at the breakfast table, with Jacob on the phone discussing a play character. Isabel and Nora joke about hiking shoes and a homeless woman, while Romy expresses concern over their clothing choices. Jacob humorously interacts with Romy about her apron and hands her a revised speech, leading to playful banter. The scene captures the warmth and humor of family life, ending with Jacob affectionately teasing Romy.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Natural character interactions
  • Establishing family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the bustling morning routine of a family, balancing humor and warmth in the interactions between the characters. The dialogue feels natural and engaging, providing insight into the family dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a chaotic yet loving family morning is effectively realized in the scene. It highlights the importance of family dynamics and relationships in the overall narrative, setting the tone for future developments.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't introduce major plot developments, it serves as a crucial moment to establish the characters and their relationships. The subtle hints at Romy's busy work life and Jacob's involvement in the theater add depth to the narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to depicting family interactions, with a focus on small details and character dynamics. The authenticity of the dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Romy is portrayed as caring and organized, Jacob as playful and involved, and the daughters as lively and curious. Each character adds a unique dynamic to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no major character changes in the scene, subtle hints at the characters' personalities and relationships are established. Romy's dedication to her family and work, Jacob's playful nature, and the daughters' dynamic are hinted at, setting the stage for potential growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and connection within her family despite potential disruptions or challenges. This reflects her deeper need for stability, love, and harmony.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to manage the dynamics of her family breakfast and ensure everyone is taken care of and happy. This reflects the immediate circumstances of starting the day on a positive note.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on the daily interactions and relationships within the family. The conflict is minimal, with tensions arising from the characters' differing opinions and personalities.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is mild, with small conflicts and disagreements among family members. The audience is unsure of how certain interactions will play out.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the daily routines and interactions of the characters. The scene serves as a slice-of-life moment rather than a high-stakes plot point.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the characters, their relationships, and hints at their individual story arcs. It sets the foundation for future developments and conflicts within the narrative.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in its focus on family breakfast dynamics, but there are small surprises in the dialogue and character interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between chaos and order, as Romy tries to maintain a sense of control and peace amidst the lively interactions of her family. This challenges her beliefs about the importance of structure and harmony.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of warmth and familiarity, drawing the audience into the intimate moments of a family morning. The emotional impact is primarily driven by the characters' interactions and the relatable nature of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and realistic, reflecting the natural flow of conversation within a family setting. It reveals the characters' personalities and relationships effectively, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the lively interactions between characters, the humor, and the relatable family dynamics. The audience is drawn into the everyday moments of the family.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in capturing the rhythm of a morning routine while also allowing for moments of humor and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard screenplay formatting, making it easy to read and visualize. The transitions between characters and dialogue are clear.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a typical breakfast routine format but adds depth through character interactions and subtle conflicts. It effectively sets up the dynamics of the family.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a warm family dynamic, showcasing Romy's role as a nurturing mother and wife. However, the dialogue can feel a bit cluttered with multiple conversations happening simultaneously, which may confuse the audience. Streamlining the dialogue or focusing on fewer conversations at a time could enhance clarity.
  • Romy's character is portrayed as dedicated and caring, but her internal conflict regarding her professional life and personal responsibilities could be more pronounced. Adding subtle hints of her stress or anxiety about her company amidst the familial chaos could deepen her character and create more dramatic tension.
  • The humor in the scene, particularly through the banter between Jacob and the daughters, is engaging but could benefit from more distinct character voices. Each character should have a unique way of speaking that reflects their personality, which would make the dialogue feel more authentic and relatable.
  • The use of classical music as a backdrop is a nice touch, but it could be more integrated into the scene. For instance, the music could swell during moments of tension or joy to enhance the emotional impact. Additionally, consider how the music might reflect Romy's internal state as she navigates her family life.
  • The scene ends on a light note with Jacob's playful interaction with Romy, which is charming. However, it might be more impactful to leave a hint of unresolved tension regarding Romy's professional life, perhaps through a lingering look or a moment of hesitation before she engages with Jacob. This would create a stronger connection to the overarching themes of the screenplay.
Suggestions
  • Consider simplifying the dialogue to focus on fewer conversations at once, allowing the audience to follow the interactions more easily.
  • Introduce subtle visual cues or expressions from Romy that indicate her internal conflict about balancing her family life and professional responsibilities.
  • Differentiate the characters' dialogue styles to give each character a unique voice, making their interactions feel more authentic.
  • Enhance the emotional resonance of the scene by using the classical music to reflect the characters' feelings, allowing it to rise and fall with the dialogue.
  • End the scene with a moment that hints at Romy's internal struggle, perhaps through a lingering look or a brief pause before she engages with Jacob, to tie it back to the larger themes of the screenplay.



Scene 4 - Bravery Amidst Chaos
EXT. BUSY STREET IN MIDTOWN NEW YORK DAY

Romy walks down a very busy street. Suddenly, someone starts
to scream. People rush towards her. Anxious, she looks up to
see what they are running from. A barking DOG with wild eyes
runs towards her. People try to get away. Someone hides
behind a car. A man in a business suit tries to stop the dog.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 5.


MACHO MAN
(loud)
Hey! Calm the fuck down!

His voice only makes the animal more scared and
disorientated. The dog focusses his attention on a child.
Romy jumps in front of it. For a moment it seems hypnotized
by Romy’s fearlessness, but then it suddenly jumps on top of
her, causing her to trip and fall. Before it can bite her, it
is distracted by a whistling sound. The dog walks away from
her, into the direction of A YOUNG MAN, SAMUEL (25, in a
cheap suit and coat that seem too big for him) He looks
straight into the eyes of the dog, and holds out his hand.
Abruptly, it stops barking and walks curiously toward the
hand. While Romy gets herself together, she tries to see
what’s going on through the legs of the people around her.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a bustling Midtown New York street, panic erupts when a barking dog charges towards a crowd. Romy bravely intervenes to protect a child, but the situation escalates as a man in a business suit attempts to calm the dog with loud commands, only increasing the chaos. Just as the dog jumps on Romy, a young man named Samuel steps in, using a whistle to distract the dog and calmly gaining its trust, bringing the tense scene to a peaceful resolution.
Strengths
  • Effective contrast between calm routine and chaotic event
  • Engaging character dynamics between Romy and Samuel
  • Tension and suspense in the city chaos
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Further exploration of Samuel's character needed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively contrasts the calmness of Romy's daily life with the sudden chaos of the city, creating tension and highlighting her bravery. The shift in tone and the introduction of a new character add depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of juxtaposing the calmness of daily life with sudden chaos is intriguing and adds depth to Romy's character. The scene effectively explores themes of bravery and unpredictability.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character, Samuel, and showcasing Romy's ability to remain composed in challenging situations. The conflict with the dog adds tension and suspense.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar scenario of a character facing a dangerous situation, but adds a unique twist with the introduction of Samuel and his ability to calm the dog. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Romy and Samuel, are well-developed in this scene. Romy's fearlessness and Samuel's mysterious presence add depth to the story. The interaction between them is engaging and hints at future developments.

Character Changes: 7

Romy's character shows resilience and fearlessness in the face of danger, showcasing her ability to adapt to unexpected situations. Samuel's introduction hints at potential changes in the dynamic between characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to overcome her fear and protect the child from the aggressive dog. This reflects her deeper desire to be brave and selfless in the face of danger.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to survive the encounter with the aggressive dog and ensure the safety of herself and the child. This goal reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene, between Romy and the dog, as well as the tension in the city chaos, adds depth and suspense to the narrative. The high stakes of Romy's safety increase the intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the aggressive dog posing a significant threat to Romy and the child, creating a sense of uncertainty and danger for the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of Romy's safety and the unpredictability of the city chaos increase the tension and suspense of the scene. The potential danger adds urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new character, Samuel, and setting up potential conflicts and developments. Romy's actions in the face of danger foreshadow future challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected introduction of Samuel and his ability to calm the dog, adding a surprising twist to the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of fear versus courage. Romy must confront her fear in order to protect the child, while the dog represents a primal instinct of aggression and survival.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of tension and fear, as well as admiration for Romy's bravery. The emotional impact of the chaotic event and Romy's response resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and fear of the situation. Romy's quick thinking and Samuel's calm demeanor are reflected in their dialogue, adding to the character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes and suspenseful moments, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats as they wonder how Romy will overcome the danger.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and a satisfying resolution that keeps the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action lines and dialogue that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure of escalating tension and resolution, with a well-paced sequence of events that keep the audience engaged.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and chaos with the introduction of the barking dog and the panicked crowd. However, the transition from Romy's previous intimate moment with Jacob to this chaotic street scene feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain narrative flow.
  • Romy's bravery in stepping in front of the dog is a strong character moment, showcasing her courage. However, the scene could benefit from deeper exploration of her internal thoughts or feelings during this moment. What drives her to act? Is it instinct, a desire to protect, or something else?
  • The dialogue from the man in the business suit ('Hey! Calm the fuck down!') feels somewhat clichéd and could be more original. It also contrasts sharply with the tone of the previous scene, which was intimate and warm. Consider using dialogue that reflects the chaos but also adds depth to the character's personality.
  • The introduction of Samuel is intriguing, but his character could be better established in this scene. Providing a brief visual or behavioral cue that hints at his personality or background would help the audience connect with him more quickly.
  • The visual description of the scene is strong, particularly the imagery of the dog and the crowd. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details—what does Romy hear, smell, or feel as she navigates this chaotic environment? This would enhance immersion and emotional engagement.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Romy as she faces the dog, which could provide insight into her motivations and emotional state.
  • Revise the dialogue of the man in the business suit to make it more unique or reflective of his character, perhaps by giving him a more humorous or panicked response.
  • Introduce Samuel with a more distinctive action or description that hints at his character traits, such as a nervous habit or a confident stance, to make him more memorable.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene, such as the sounds of the city, the smell of street food, or the feeling of the pavement under Romy's feet.
  • Consider a smoother transition from the previous scene to this one, perhaps by including a moment of reflection for Romy as she leaves her intimate space and enters the bustling city.



Scene 5 - The Ethical Launch
EXT. / INT. OFFICE BUILDING ENTRANCE/ LOBBY- DAY

Romy rushes in. Someone is hanging decorations on a large,
beautiful Christmas tree. ESME, Romy’s assistant (25), comes
running.


INT. OFFICE BUILDING HALLWAY / MEETING ROOM DAY

Romy walks down the stairs in the middle of the busy office.
Esme follows carrying Romy’s bag and laptop.

ROMY (PRE-LAP)
Humans are the most ethical beings
on the face of the earth, but also
the least ethical. The state of our
planet proves it.


INT. OFFICE BUILDING PRESS ROOM DAY

On a screen behind Romy we see large mobile robots, picking
and placing products from shelves into boxes and containers.
The logo of her company: Tensile Automation, is projected
over the images. She speaks into a small camera. A live
stream of a product launch. Romy is introducing new robot
called Harvest. Some employees, technicians, and HAZEL (46,
head of marketing) are watching. A make up station, a
clothing rack and craft services table.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 6.


ROMY
As more and more artificial
intelligence is entering into the
world, more and more emotional
intelligence must enter into
leadership.” We are living through
an era of historic transformation,
unlocking sustainable, inclusive
growth in new sectors of the
economy. We are making the
workplace, healthier, safer and
more productive. We engineer
accountability into our products
and they are changing the way we
live, every day.
I am delighted to introduce to you,
the newest asset to our fleet:
HARVEST

She smiles into the camera. Music starts playing.
Genres: ["Drama","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Romy enters her office building, reflecting on humanity's ethical dilemmas as her assistant Esme follows closely, carrying her belongings. The scene transitions to a press room where Romy live-streams the launch of her company's new robot, Harvest. She passionately discusses the importance of emotional intelligence in leadership amidst the rise of artificial intelligence, highlighting the positive societal impacts of their innovations. The atmosphere is optimistic as Romy concludes her presentation with a smile, signaling the product's launch.
Strengths
  • Clear presentation of themes
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective introduction of new robot
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Character development takes a backseat to plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively introduces the theme of artificial intelligence and its impact on society, while also highlighting Romy's role as a leader in the field. The presentation of Harvest adds intrigue and sets up future conflicts and developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of blending technology, ethics, and leadership in a futuristic setting is innovative and engaging. The scene effectively sets up the central conflicts and themes of the screenplay.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of Harvest and Romy's speech, setting up future conflicts and character arcs. The scene moves the story forward and establishes key themes.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh ideas about the impact of technology on society and the importance of emotional intelligence in leadership. The dialogue feels authentic and relevant to current societal issues.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

The characters are used to convey the themes of the scene, with Romy as a strong leader and advocate for automation. While there is some banter between characters, the focus is more on the presentation of the new robot.

Character Changes: 6

While there is some development in Romy's character as a leader and advocate for automation, the focus is more on introducing the new robot and setting up future conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to showcase her belief in the importance of emotional intelligence in leadership and the positive impact of their company's products on society. This reflects her desire for a more ethical and sustainable world.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal in this scene is to successfully introduce the new robot, Harvest, to the audience and highlight its features and benefits. This reflects the immediate challenge of presenting a new product to employees and the public.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is some tension in the scene, particularly around the introduction of the new robot, the conflict is more subtle and internal, setting up future conflicts and dilemmas for the characters.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the challenge of presenting a new product to the audience and addressing the philosophical conflict between technology and ethics.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, with the introduction of a new robot and the emphasis on the importance of emotional intelligence in leadership. The scene sets up future high-stakes conflicts and decisions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the new robot and setting up future conflicts and developments. The presentation of Harvest adds depth to the plot and characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the philosophical conflict between technology and ethics, keeping the audience intrigued about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the balance between technological advancement and human values. Romy's speech about emotional intelligence in leadership and the impact of AI on society challenges the traditional views on progress and ethics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact of the scene is moderate, with a focus on the themes of technology and leadership rather than deep emotional connections. The scene sets up future emotional arcs for the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the themes of technology and leadership, with Romy delivering a powerful speech about the benefits of automation. The interactions between characters are engaging and move the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the blend of technology and human values, creating a sense of anticipation and curiosity about the new robot, Harvest.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and excitement, leading up to the introduction of the new robot, Harvest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct locations and actions described effectively.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a modern office setting and product launch, effectively building tension and excitement.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the chaos of the previous scene to the structured environment of the office, highlighting Romy's role as a leader in a high-tech company. However, the opening line about humans being both the most and least ethical beings feels somewhat heavy-handed and could benefit from a more nuanced introduction that reflects Romy's internal conflict or sets the tone for her speech.
  • Romy's dialogue during the press conference is ambitious and aligns with the themes of the screenplay, but it lacks a personal touch. Adding a brief anecdote or a relatable example could make her message more engaging and resonate with the audience, both within the scene and the viewers watching the film.
  • The visual elements, such as the large mobile robots and the Christmas tree, create a vivid backdrop, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the office, the atmosphere of the press room, or the reactions of the audience could enhance the immersion and emotional impact of the moment.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Romy's entrance to her speech. Allowing for a moment of pause or reflection before she begins speaking could heighten the tension and anticipation, making her eventual speech feel more impactful.
  • The presence of Esme as Romy's assistant is a good choice, but her role in this scene is minimal. Consider giving her a line or two that reflects her support or adds to the dynamic between her and Romy, which could deepen their relationship and provide additional context for Romy's character.
Suggestions
  • Revise the opening line of Romy's speech to be more reflective of her personal journey or the challenges she faces, perhaps by incorporating a brief story or observation that connects her to the audience.
  • Add sensory details to the scene, such as the sounds of the office, the atmosphere of the press room, and the reactions of the audience, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing at the beginning of the scene to build anticipation before Romy begins her speech, allowing for a moment of reflection or interaction with Esme.
  • Enhance Esme's role in the scene by giving her a line that shows her support for Romy or highlights the pressure Romy feels, which could add depth to their relationship.
  • Incorporate a moment of vulnerability for Romy before her speech, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that reflects her anxiety or determination, making her speech feel more powerful.



Scene 6 - First Impressions
INT. OFFICE BUILDING ROMY'S OFFICE DAY

Esme knocks on the door and pops her head in. Romy jumps up
and tries to fix her hair.

ROMY
(smiling)
Response is great I hear.

ESME
(genuinely enthusiastic)
Yes! The quote about emotional
intelligence was very-

ROMY
Jacob’s idea.

ESME
Is this a good time for me to
introduce the... interns-

ROMY
(without thinking)
Now is good!

Through the glass we see a group of interns.

ESME
It’s their first day so-

Romy nods. Esme opens the door and lets the small group of
young men and women enter, among them Samuel.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 7.


ROMY ESME (CONT’D)
(enthusiastically) This is our CEO, Romy Mathis!
Hello!

No one speaks. Romy takes off her reading glasses. She smiles
kindly.

ROMY (CONT’D)
Don’t be nervous...Welcome! We are
so very happy to have you with us.

Relieved they smile back.

ROMY (CONT’D)
If you have any questions, let us
know.

She looks back at her laptop as a sign that they can leave.
Suddenly Samuel, hidden behind the other interns, in the back
of the room, raises his hand.

SAMUEL
I have a question.

Romy looks up. To her surprise she recognizes him as the boy
who calmed the dog down earlier that morning.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(without taking his eyes
off of her)
Do you really believe that
automation can provide a path to
sustainability or is that just
something people say to make you
like robots?

He smiles. Before Romy can answer, Esme quickly interrupts.

ESME
Ok! Lets go, Mrs. Mathis is very
busy today.

She guides the interns to the door. Romy stares at Samuel.

INTERN ROSE
(In Samuel’s ear)
It’s her company.

Samuel nods and smiles. Quickly, Esme escorts the group out.
Before Esme pushes him through the door, Samuel looks back at
Romy. Romy’s phone starts to ring. Before she leaves Esme
says:
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 8.


ESME
I am so sorry about that, do you
want me to- (get rid of him?)

Romy isn’t listening. She answers her phone.

ROMY
(into the phone)
Yes?(...) Oh! Of course (...) we
should dissect that a little though-
It was an excellent day... a very
successful beginning-

Through the glass walls of her office, we see the interns
walk away. Samuel keeps his eyes on Romy.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Esme brings a group of interns, including Samuel, to Romy's office to discuss a positive quote on emotional intelligence. Samuel stands out by asking a challenging question about automation, catching Romy's attention. Esme quickly ushers the interns out, and as Romy answers a phone call, Samuel looks back at her, hinting at a lingering connection.
Strengths
  • Effective introduction of new characters
  • Subtle hints of potential conflicts and relationships
  • Engaging dialogue and character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of clear resolution to conflicts introduced
  • Potential for cliched romantic tension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces new characters, advances the plot by setting up potential conflicts and relationships, and maintains a good balance of tone and sentiment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of introducing interns to the main character in a professional setting is engaging and sets the stage for future interactions and conflicts.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses as new characters are introduced, relationships are hinted at, and potential conflicts are set up. The scene moves the story forward effectively.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on workplace dynamics by incorporating themes of automation and sustainability. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with Romy showcasing her leadership and professionalism, while Samuel adds a layer of mystery and potential romantic tension. The interns provide a glimpse into the workplace dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

Romy's character is subtly challenged by Samuel's question, hinting at potential changes in her perspective or relationships. Samuel's presence also hints at potential character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to maintain professionalism and composure while interacting with the new interns, despite being caught off guard by Samuel's question. This reflects her desire to be seen as a competent and respected leader.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to successfully introduce the interns to the company and make a good impression as the CEO. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing a new group of employees.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a subtle conflict introduced through Samuel's question and the potential romantic tension between him and Romy. The conflict adds intrigue to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Samuel's challenging question creating a difficult obstacle for Romy to navigate. The audience is left unsure of how she will respond.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, with hints of potential romantic tension and workplace dynamics at play. The introduction of new characters adds intrigue but the stakes are not extremely high.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new characters, setting up potential conflicts and relationships, and hinting at future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to Samuel's unexpected question about automation and sustainability, which challenges the audience's expectations and adds depth to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of automation and sustainability, contrasting human values with technological advancements. Samuel's question challenges Romy's beliefs about the role of automation in achieving sustainability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with hints of potential romantic tension and the introduction of new characters adding depth to the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and serves the purpose of introducing the interns and setting up potential conflicts and relationships. The interactions feel natural and contribute to character development.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the subtle tension and unspoken emotions between the characters, as well as the philosophical conflict introduced through Samuel's question.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and emotional depth through character interactions and dialogue exchanges. The rhythm contributes to the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format for a workplace introduction, with clear character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and a central conflict. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Romy's character as a busy CEO who is juggling her professional responsibilities while trying to maintain a personable demeanor. However, the transition from her previous scene, where she is confidently presenting a product launch, to this scene feels abrupt. The writer could enhance the flow by incorporating a brief moment that connects Romy's previous success to her current interactions with the interns.
  • Romy's initial reaction to Esme's announcement about the interns is enthusiastic, but her immediate shift to wanting to dismiss them after her greeting feels inconsistent. This could be interpreted as a lack of interest in mentoring or engaging with the interns, which may not align with her character's earlier portrayal as someone who values emotional intelligence and connection. This inconsistency could confuse the audience about Romy's character.
  • Samuel's introduction as a character is intriguing, especially since he is recognized by Romy from the earlier scene. However, his question about automation and sustainability feels somewhat abrupt and lacks a natural lead-in. It would be beneficial to provide a little more context or build-up to his question, perhaps by having him express a personal connection to the topic or a specific interest in Romy's work.
  • The dialogue between Romy and Esme is functional but lacks depth. Esme's enthusiasm is clear, but it could be enhanced by giving her a more distinct voice or personality. This would help to differentiate her character and make her interactions with Romy more engaging.
  • The scene ends with a sense of unresolved tension as Romy stares at Samuel, which is effective in creating intrigue. However, the abruptness of the phone call and Esme's quick dismissal of the interns could be smoothed out to maintain the emotional momentum. The transition from the interns to the phone call feels disjointed and could benefit from a more seamless integration.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Romy after her successful presentation to create a smoother transition into the next scene. This could involve her feeling a sense of pride or pressure as she prepares to meet the interns.
  • Clarify Romy's character by ensuring her actions align with her established traits. If she values emotional intelligence, show her engaging more with the interns rather than signaling them to leave quickly.
  • Enhance Samuel's introduction by providing a more natural lead-in to his question. Perhaps he could express admiration for Romy's work or share a personal anecdote related to automation before asking his question.
  • Develop Esme's character further by giving her a unique perspective or a memorable line that showcases her personality, making her interactions with Romy more dynamic.
  • Smooth out the transition between the interns' introduction and Romy's phone call by incorporating a brief moment where Romy acknowledges the interns' presence before being interrupted, maintaining the emotional flow of the scene.



Scene 7 - Welcome to the Internship
INT. OFFICE BUILDING 6TH FLOOR NIGHT

The group of interns are getting a tour of the building.
Everyone is talking over each other. Tom and Esme explain how
the internship works and point out different area’s of the
office. Esme hands out bags with welcome packages. Samuel
takes it all in.

INTERN ANNA
So who can apply for it?

ESME
For what?

Everyone quiets down and listens.

TOM
Everyone. It’s a company wide
program. You’ll receive a list of
names by email at the end of the
day.

ESME
I highly recommend it. A mentor
makes a huge difference in how you
get to experience the company.

TOM
And you’re all invited to the
holiday party this Friday.

ESME
There will be a DJ, make sure you
bring your dancing shoes!

Everyone laughs and talks over each other.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 9.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a lively office setting, interns receive a tour from Tom and Esme, who explain the internship program and distribute welcome packages. Anna inquires about the application process, prompting Tom to clarify that the program is open to all. Esme emphasizes the value of mentorship and invites everyone to a holiday party, adding a fun element to the introduction. The scene captures the excitement and camaraderie among the interns as they engage in conversation and laughter.
Strengths
  • Engaging introduction of interns
  • Lively and light-hearted tone
  • Clear setup for future interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively introduces new characters and sets up a positive and engaging workplace environment, but lacks significant conflict or emotional depth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an internship program and the dynamics within the office are effectively portrayed, setting the stage for future developments.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on introducing the interns and the office environment, lacking significant development or conflict.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar elements of office life and internship programs but adds a fresh perspective through the lively interactions and emphasis on mentorship and social events. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 7.5

The characters are introduced in a lively and engaging manner, but their depth and development are limited in this scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on introduction and setup.

Internal Goal: 8

Samuel's internal goal in this scene is to absorb and process the information being shared by Tom and Esme about the internship program and the office environment. This reflects his desire to succeed in the internship and make a positive impression.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to learn about the internship program and office culture. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating a new environment and understanding the expectations of the internship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on introducing the interns and the office environment.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is relatively mild, with no major obstacles or conflicts that create tension or uncertainty. The focus is more on introducing the setting and characters.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, as it primarily serves as an introduction to the office environment and the internship program.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new characters and setting up future interactions within the office.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of the information being shared about the internship program and office culture. However, the dynamic interactions between the characters and the playful tone keep the audience interested.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a subtle philosophical conflict between the idea of mentorship and the importance of networking within a company. Esme emphasizes the role of a mentor, while Tom highlights the benefits of attending social events like the holiday party. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the best way to succeed in a corporate setting.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6.5

The scene evokes a positive and friendly sentiment, but lacks deep emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 7.2

The dialogue is informative and light-hearted, reflecting the welcoming atmosphere of the office and the interactions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the lively interactions between the characters, the humor and banter, and the introduction of intriguing elements like the internship program and holiday party. The overlapping dialogue adds to the sense of realism and energy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in maintaining a lively and engaging tone, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and visual descriptions. The rhythm of the interactions between the characters keeps the scene moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are effectively integrated into the narrative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a workplace comedy genre, with a clear introduction of the setting, characters, and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by maintaining a lively and engaging tone.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaotic energy of a group of interns being introduced to the office environment, which aligns well with the theme of new beginnings. However, the dialogue feels somewhat generic and lacks distinct character voices, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the interns individually.
  • The use of overlapping dialogue is a good technique to convey excitement and chaos, but it can also lead to confusion. It might be beneficial to streamline the dialogue to ensure that key information is communicated clearly without losing the lively atmosphere.
  • Esme and Tom's roles as guides are established, but their personalities could be further developed. Adding unique traits or quirks to their dialogue could enhance their characterizations and make the scene more engaging.
  • The mention of the holiday party is a nice touch, but it feels a bit abrupt. It could be integrated more smoothly into the conversation, perhaps by having one of the interns express excitement or curiosity about the party, which would also serve to build camaraderie among the interns.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional or narrative hook. While it serves as an introduction to the interns, it doesn't advance the plot or deepen the audience's understanding of Romy's character. Consider incorporating a moment that hints at Romy's internal struggles or her relationship with Samuel, which could create a more compelling connection to the overall story.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each intern a distinct voice or personality trait to make them memorable. This could be achieved through their questions or reactions during the tour.
  • Streamline the dialogue to ensure clarity while maintaining the lively atmosphere. Perhaps have one character summarize the key points after the initial chaos settles.
  • Add a moment of humor or a small conflict during the tour that showcases the dynamics between the interns, Esme, and Tom, which could enhance character development.
  • Integrate the holiday party mention more organically into the conversation, perhaps by having an intern express excitement or ask questions about it.
  • Include a brief moment where Romy observes the interns, reflecting on her own experiences or feelings about mentorship, to create a stronger emotional connection to her character.



Scene 8 - Professional Tensions and Flirtatious Encounters
INT. OFFICE BUILDING ELEVATOR- DAY

The next morning, Romy walks into the elevator. A group of
men in suits look at her.

ARI
Good Morning Mrs. Mathis.

ROMY
Good morning Ari.


INT. OFFICE BUILDING MEETING ROOM- LATE MORNING

Romy holds court for a group of business men.

ROMY (PRE-LAP)
He’s a problem... and we don’t need
him...


INT. OFFICE BUILDING DESKS/ 6TH FLOOR STAIRS/ CANTEEN COFFEE
MACHINE- DAY

Romy, with her coat on, walks through the office, she is on
the phone looking for someone.

ROMY
Exactly...that’s what I told him...
Investors appetite is huge...

As she passes people’s desks they look up from their screens.
She turns a corner and sees Samuel drinking water at the
coffee machine. Rose (Intern) is saying goodbye to him. As
Rose leaves:

ROMY (CONT’D)
(to Samuel)
Hey- Could you make me a coffee?

Quickly, Samuel nods and takes a cup from a shelf.

ROMY (CONT’D)
(into the phone)
Right- safe navigation,
flexibility...real time
monitoring...
(while looking at Samuel)
Technology alone wont solve that
though- Yes, okay- Talk later.

She hangs up as he hands her the coffee. She looks straight
into his eyes.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 10.


ROMY (CONT’D)
How did you get that dog to calm
down?

He observes her for a beat.

SAMUEL
(without blinking)
I gave it a cookie.

She raises her eyebrows.

ROMY
You always have cookies on you?

He smiles and nods.

SAMUEL
Yeah.
(he looks at her with a
twinkle in his eyes)
Why?

He sticks his hand in his pocket.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(cheeky)
Do you want one?

She shakes her head.

ROMY
(serious)
No.

For a brief moment he sees an unexpected vulnerability in her
eyes. He tilts his head, like an animal.

SAMUEL
(fatherly)
You shouldn’t drink coffee after
lunch. How many do you drink a day?

ROMY
None of your business.
(pause)
Seven.

They stand there silently for several seconds until her phone
rings, breaking the tension.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 11.


ROMY (CONT’D)
(into the phone but still
looking at Samuel)
Yes?

She walks away.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Romy confidently navigates her office environment, asserting her authority in a meeting and engaging in business discussions over the phone. A brief, flirtatious exchange with Samuel at the coffee machine reveals a softer side of Romy, hinting at a deeper connection between them. The scene concludes with Romy receiving a phone call, leaving the tension with Samuel unresolved.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intriguing dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential predictability in romantic subplot
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, engaging, and effectively conveys the tension and vulnerability of the characters. The dialogue is sharp and reveals layers of the characters' personalities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a chance encounter between Romy and Samuel in a high-pressure environment, is intriguing and sets the stage for potential conflicts and developments in the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the unexpected interaction between Romy and Samuel, adding depth to their characters and hinting at future developments in their relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on workplace dynamics and power struggles. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed in this scene, with their personalities, vulnerabilities, and motivations coming to the forefront through their interactions and dialogue.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel experience subtle shifts in their characters during the scene, with Romy showing vulnerability and Samuel displaying a mix of confidence and playfulness.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and authority in her workplace. This reflects her need for power and respect, as well as her fear of losing her position or influence.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to manage the business operations effectively and address any issues that may arise. This reflects the immediate challenges she faces in running a successful business.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is subtle but present, primarily revolving around the power dynamics between Romy and Samuel in the workplace setting.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting personalities and goals creating tension and conflict. The audience is unsure of how the interaction between Romy and Samuel will unfold.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing on the power dynamics and potential romantic tension between Romy and Samuel in a high-pressure workplace environment.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a potential romantic subplot between Romy and Samuel, as well as deepening the understanding of their characters and the workplace dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected vulnerability shown by Romy and the playful interaction with Samuel. The audience is left wondering about the characters' true intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Romy's desire for control and Samuel's more laid-back and playful attitude. This challenges Romy's beliefs about professionalism and work ethic.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, particularly in the vulnerability and tension displayed by the characters, as well as the potential for a romantic connection between Romy and Samuel.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, engaging, and reveals important aspects of the characters' personalities and relationships. It adds depth to the scene and drives the interaction between Romy and Samuel.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters and the subtle hints at their motivations. The dialogue is sharp and keeps the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly, enhancing readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a workplace drama, with clear character introductions and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Romy's authority and professionalism as she transitions from the elevator to the meeting room, but it could benefit from more visual and emotional depth. The contrast between her serious demeanor in the meeting and the lighter, flirtatious exchange with Samuel could be emphasized further to highlight her internal conflict.
  • The dialogue between Romy and Samuel is engaging, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the surrounding context. The mention of the dog and cookies introduces a playful tone, yet it lacks a clear thematic connection to Romy's character arc. This could be an opportunity to explore Romy's vulnerability or her struggles with maintaining control in her life.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. The transition from the meeting room to the coffee machine feels abrupt, and the dialogue could be tightened to maintain a smoother flow. For instance, Romy's phone conversation could be more concise to allow for a more natural interaction with Samuel.
  • Romy's vulnerability is hinted at but not fully explored. The moment where Samuel notices her vulnerability could be expanded to create a deeper emotional connection between the characters. This would enhance the tension and complexity of their relationship.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly with Romy walking away after her phone rings. This could leave the audience wanting more closure or a stronger emotional beat. A more definitive conclusion to the interaction with Samuel could enhance the impact of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual cues to reflect Romy's internal state, such as her body language or facial expressions, especially during her interaction with Samuel. This will help convey her vulnerability and the complexity of her character.
  • Explore the thematic connection between the playful banter about cookies and Romy's struggles with control and authority. Perhaps Samuel could make a comment that subtly reflects Romy's need for balance in her life, tying the light-hearted moment to her deeper issues.
  • Tighten the dialogue during Romy's phone call to create a more seamless transition into her interaction with Samuel. This will help maintain the scene's pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • Expand on the moment where Samuel notices Romy's vulnerability. This could involve a brief exchange that reveals more about their relationship dynamics, adding depth to their connection.
  • Consider revising the ending of the scene to provide a stronger emotional beat. Perhaps Romy could have a moment of reflection after her phone call, allowing the audience to feel the weight of her responsibilities and her connection to Samuel.



Scene 9 - Playful Intimacy
INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT BEDROOM- NIGHT

In the dark, in bed, Romy watches business news on her phone.
Jacob turns towards her and gently touches her shoulder.

JACOB
I want to see you.

He switches the light on. Romy looks away.

JACOB (CONT’D)
(whispers)
Look at me. Hey, hey look at me...

Romy playfully disappears under the sheets. She sits there
fully covered by the sheet like a ghost. Her childish
behavior makes him laugh. She speaks from under the sheets.

ROMY
(whispers, shy)
I want you to watch porn while you
have sex with me.

He thinks he didn't hear her correctly.

JACOB
What?

ROMY
I want to-

Embarrassed, she stops herself.

JACOB
Ok-

Romy giggles. Jacob starts to kiss her through the sheet.

ROMY
-feels weird.

Smiling, she takes the sheet away and lays on her back. She
grabs a pillow and puts it over her face. He stares at the
pillow. He shakes his head. Romy speaks from under the
pillow.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 12.


ROMY (CONT’D)
(softly, with a baby
voice)
You touch me.

He starts to caress her body.

ROMY (CONT’D)
No. Like this. You touch me.

She puts the pillow back over her head. He tries to caress
her again. He kisses her breasts. She moans.

ROMY (CONT’D)
Yes. Do it.

He moves away.

ROMY (CONT’D)
(from under the pillow)
Come on- Do it-

JACOB
(smiles)
You know I can’t- Like this.

She doesn't take the pillow away. He sighs.

JACOB (CONT’D)
It makes me feel like ...a villain.

ROMY
Okay...okay.

She takes the pillow away and kisses him. She tries to
surrender to him. Very gently they start to make love. Jacob
looks at her, she tries to keep her eyes focused on his.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In their dimly lit bedroom, Romy playfully teases Jacob while watching business news on her phone. Jacob seeks her attention, and after some flirtatious banter, Romy shyly suggests they watch porn together during sex. Their playful interaction leads to a tender moment as Romy encourages Jacob to touch her, culminating in them beginning to make love while maintaining eye contact.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Intimate portrayal of relationships
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Focused primarily on character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the complex emotions and desires of the characters, creating a sense of intimacy and vulnerability. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and reveal deeper layers of the characters' relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring intimacy and vulnerability within a relationship is well-executed in the scene. It delves into the complexities of human connection and desire.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene primarily focuses on character dynamics and emotions, it contributes to the overall development of the relationship between Romy and Jacob. It adds depth to their interactions and sets the stage for future conflicts or resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and authentic approach to depicting intimate moments and sexual communication between characters. The dialogue feels real and honest, adding to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Jacob are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, desires, and playful dynamics. Their interactions feel authentic and add depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 7

Both Romy and Jacob experience moments of vulnerability and intimacy, showcasing a shift in their dynamic and revealing deeper layers of their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to express her desires and fantasies to Jacob, despite feeling embarrassed and vulnerable. This reflects her need for intimacy, connection, and the courage to be honest about her desires.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to engage in sexual intimacy with Jacob, but also to navigate the emotional complexities of their relationship dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a subtle internal conflict within the characters regarding their desires and vulnerabilities, the scene primarily focuses on intimacy and connection rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, as the characters navigate their emotional complexities and desires, creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on the vulnerability and desires of the characters rather than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene primarily focuses on character dynamics and emotions, it contributes to the overall development of the relationship between Romy and Jacob, setting the stage for future conflicts or resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' unexpected desires and vulnerabilities coming to light, adding complexity and depth to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on sexual exploration and vulnerability. Romy's openness challenges Jacob's perception of himself and his role in their relationship.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of intimacy, vulnerability, and desire. The interactions between Romy and Jacob resonate with the audience and create a sense of connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and desires of the characters, adding depth to their interactions. It captures the intimacy and vulnerability between Romy and Jacob.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the raw and intimate exploration of the characters' desires and vulnerabilities, creating tension and emotional depth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing the characters' desires and vulnerabilities to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, effectively conveying the intimate and emotional moments between the characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of intimacy and vulnerability, building tension and emotional depth effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a playful and intimate moment between Romy and Jacob, showcasing their dynamic and the underlying tension in their relationship. However, the dialogue could benefit from more depth to enhance the emotional stakes. While the playful banter is engaging, it feels somewhat superficial and could be enriched with more context about their relationship or individual desires.
  • Romy's request for Jacob to watch porn while they have sex is an interesting and bold choice that adds a layer of complexity to their intimacy. However, the scene could explore the implications of this request further. How does this reflect Romy's state of mind or her feelings about their sexual relationship? Adding a line or two that hints at her motivations could deepen the audience's understanding of her character.
  • The use of physicality, such as Romy hiding under the sheets and using a pillow, is a strong visual element that conveys both playfulness and vulnerability. However, the transition from playful teasing to intimacy feels abrupt. A smoother progression that builds tension before they start making love could enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The dialogue, while playful, sometimes lacks clarity. For instance, when Jacob expresses that it makes him feel like a villain, it could be more explicit about what he means. Is he uncomfortable with the request, or does he feel guilty about their intimacy? Clarifying this could add depth to his character and their interaction.
  • The scene ends on a tender note, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional resolution. After their intimate moment, consider adding a line or action that reflects their feelings post-encounter, which could provide closure and further insight into their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Romy before she makes her bold request, which could provide insight into her character and motivations.
  • Enhance the dialogue to include more emotional depth, particularly in Jacob's responses, to better convey his feelings about Romy's request and their intimacy.
  • Introduce a gradual build-up to the intimate moment, perhaps through more playful banter or physical teasing, to create a stronger emotional arc.
  • Clarify Jacob's feelings about Romy's request to avoid ambiguity and to deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
  • Add a closing line or action that reflects the emotional aftermath of their encounter, providing a sense of resolution and insight into their relationship dynamics.



Scene 10 - Embracing Vulnerability
INT. OFFICE BUILDING PRESS ROOM- DAY

Close on Romy, she looks straight into the camera.

ROMY
Being a CEO is- being a
collaborator- a nurturer. I see
myself as a strategy expert but
also- a human expert.

They are rehearsing for a press day. Esme is typing on her
phone. HAZEL is drilling Romy.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 13.


ROMY (CONT’D)
At the same time, one day shipping
dramatically upped the stakes. The
demand for what we do is huge.
People are waiting for us to buckle
under that pressure. The best thing
to do is, smile and look up. Never
show your weakness-

HAZEL
(interrupts her)
Don’t use “weakness” to describe
yourself. It’s a positive to be
vulnerable, not a negative–

Romy nods her head.

ROMY
Got it.

She smiles.
Genres: ["Drama","Business"]

Summary In a press room, CEO Romy rehearses her leadership philosophy, highlighting collaboration and the pressures of her role. Hazel interrupts, advising Romy to view vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness. Romy acknowledges Hazel's perspective with a smile, indicating her acceptance of this new mindset, while Esme remains disengaged, focused on her phone.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Minimal external conflict
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up Romy's character as a CEO, delving into her mindset and approach to leadership. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important aspects of her personality.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing Romy's professional and personal struggles as a CEO is well-executed. The scene effectively explores themes of vulnerability and strength in leadership.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Romy's preparation for a press day and her interaction with her team, setting up important character dynamics and themes.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on leadership and vulnerability in a corporate setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, especially Romy, whose complexity and vulnerability are highlighted in the scene. The interactions between the characters feel authentic and engaging.

Character Changes: 7

Romy experiences a subtle shift in her mindset, embracing vulnerability as a strength in leadership. This change sets up potential growth for her character in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to project confidence and strength as a CEO while also acknowledging her vulnerability. This reflects her deeper need for validation and acceptance in a competitive environment.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to prepare for a press day and handle the pressure of one-day shipping demands. This reflects the immediate challenges she faces in her role as a CEO.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on character dynamics and internal struggles rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Hazel challenging Romy's perception of strength and vulnerability, creating conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderate, focusing more on Romy's internal struggles and professional challenges rather than high-stakes external conflicts.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key character dynamics and themes that will likely impact future plot developments. It sets the stage for Romy's journey as a CEO.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected conflict between Romy and Hazel, challenging the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Romy's belief in projecting strength and Hazel's belief in embracing vulnerability. This challenges Romy's worldview of leadership and self-perception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, especially in showcasing Romy's vulnerability and strength as a leader. The interactions between the characters evoke empathy and engagement.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is well-crafted, revealing important aspects of the characters' personalities and motivations. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the overall storytelling.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between Romy and Hazel, the high-stakes setting, and the internal conflict faced by the protagonist.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and reveals character dynamics, contributing to its effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's goals.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy office scene, with clear character cues and scene descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-driven office setting, with clear character interactions and conflict resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Romy's duality as a CEO who balances professional expectations with personal vulnerability. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository and lacks emotional depth. While Romy articulates her role clearly, the scene could benefit from more nuanced expressions of her internal conflict regarding vulnerability in a high-pressure environment.
  • Hazel's interruption serves as a pivotal moment, but it feels abrupt and could be better integrated into the flow of the scene. The transition from Romy's confident assertion to Hazel's critique could be smoothed out to maintain the rhythm and emotional build-up.
  • Romy's response to Hazel is positive, but it lacks a sense of struggle or resistance. Given the context of her character's journey, it would be more compelling if Romy displayed a moment of hesitation or contemplation before accepting Hazel's advice, showcasing her internal conflict.
  • The setting of the press room is visually interesting, but it could be enhanced with more descriptive elements that reflect Romy's emotional state. For instance, incorporating details about the room's atmosphere, such as lighting or the presence of other staff members, could add layers to the scene.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly after Romy's acknowledgment of Hazel's feedback. A more impactful conclusion could involve Romy reflecting on her words or expressing a moment of vulnerability, which would resonate with the audience and deepen her character development.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of internal conflict for Romy after Hazel's interruption. This could involve a brief pause where Romy reflects on her vulnerability before responding, adding depth to her character.
  • Enhance the dialogue by incorporating more subtext. Instead of Romy simply agreeing with Hazel, allow her to express some initial resistance or confusion about the concept of vulnerability, making her eventual acceptance more impactful.
  • Include more sensory details in the setting to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the press room's ambiance, such as the sounds of typing, the brightness of the lights, or the tension in the air, to immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Consider extending the scene to include a brief moment where Romy interacts with Esme or other staff members after the rehearsal. This could provide insight into her relationships and how they influence her leadership style.
  • End the scene with a stronger emotional beat. After Romy's acknowledgment of Hazel's advice, perhaps show her taking a deep breath or glancing away thoughtfully, indicating the weight of her realization and setting up her character arc moving forward.



Scene 11 - Reflections in a Festive Corner
INT. OFFICE BUILDING 6TH FLOOR - END OF DAY

The office Christmas party. Music is playing. Everyone is
having a good time. Romy and Esme welcome Jacob and the
children. Isabel feels awkward in her girly dress. Nora is
comfortably wearing a princess dress. Immediately, they are
surrounded by people who want to greet Romy’s family. Female
employees try to get close to Jacob.


INT. OFFICE BUILDING 6TH FLOOR NIGHT

Later-Esme and Romy sit in a quiet corner. Esme is tipsy.

ROMY
Did you hear about those murders
uptown?

Esme nods.

ROMY (CONT’D)
Do you think a woman would be
capable of killing so many young
men?

ESME
It’s really good to like think
about death more.

ROMY
What?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 14.


ESME
I mean, to like bring awareness to
death more? Like that Buddhist
quote. “We don’t give enough
attention to the avalanche that
will cover us all, in a very short
time.”

ROMY
Well, you’re still an embryo, so
you shouldn't think about death at
all! Leave that to us dinosaurs.

ESME
Can I ask you- Where does your
first name come from? Is it Polish?

Romy observes her for a beat.

ROMY
(bluntly)
I was named by a guru.

ESME
What?? Seriously? How? When?

ROMY
I was raised in cults and communes.

Romy studies Esme’s face to check her reaction.

ESME
(smiling, a bit tipsy)
You were? I would have NEVER
guessed. I thought you were raised
by soldiers or something. Or
robots!

Romy looks at her.

ESME (CONT’D)
(afraid she overstepped)
I mean- I’m joking, of course.

Samuel walks by, he makes eye contact with Romy.

ROMY
Did you know him before?

Esme shakes her head and takes another sip from her wine.

ESME
Do you think I’m too young for
fillers?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 15.


ROMY
Why?

ESME
Barbara said I have a gummy smile.

ROMY
Who? That’s insane, I hope you
realize that.

Realizing how ridiculous it is, Esme smiles. Romy laughs.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary During an office Christmas party, Romy and Esme find a quiet moment to discuss deep topics like death and Romy's unconventional upbringing in cults. Their conversation shifts to Esme's insecurities about her appearance, particularly fillers, which Romy humorously dismisses. The scene blends light-hearted banter with introspective themes, culminating in laughter over the absurdity of beauty standards.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Limited character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of drama and comedy, providing insight into Romy's past while showcasing her dynamic relationships with Esme and Samuel. The dialogue is engaging and reveals layers of the characters' personalities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring themes of identity, vulnerability, and connection at an office Christmas party is intriguing and adds depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on character interactions and development, setting up future conflicts and relationships. It moves the story forward by introducing key themes and relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on social interactions, identity, and existential themes through the characters' dialogue and actions. The authenticity of the characters' reactions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and engaging, with Romy, Esme, and Samuel each bringing unique personalities and dynamics to the scene. Their interactions drive the narrative forward and add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics and relationships, there are no significant character changes in this scene. However, it sets the stage for future development.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of control and composure despite feeling uncomfortable in her surroundings. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance and belonging.

External Goal: 7.5

Romy's external goal is to navigate social interactions at the party and manage the attention from female employees towards Jacob. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in maintaining her family's image and reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is relatively low, focusing more on character dynamics and relationships than external conflicts. However, there are hints of tension and intrigue that set up future conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with subtle conflicts and challenges that add depth to the characters' interactions. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' true intentions and motivations.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character interactions and relationships than high-stakes conflicts. However, there are hints of tension and intrigue that add depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key themes, relationships, and conflicts that will impact the narrative. It sets up future developments and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in dialogue, character revelations, and the philosophical conflict that challenges the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' perspectives on death and awareness. Romy and Esme have differing views on the topic, which challenges their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of vulnerability and reflection that resonate with the audience. The interactions between the characters evoke a range of emotions, from amusement to curiosity.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is witty, engaging, and reveals important aspects of the characters' personalities and relationships. It adds depth to the scene and keeps the audience invested in the story.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters, the underlying tension, and the philosophical discussions that add depth to the narrative.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the characters' interactions, dialogue exchanges, and moments of introspection. It contributes to the scene's effectiveness by maintaining a balanced rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. It follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the progression of events and character interactions. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the festive atmosphere of the office Christmas party with a deeper, more philosophical conversation about death, which adds layers to Romy's character and her relationship with Esme. However, the transition between the light-hearted party and the serious topic could be smoother to maintain the flow.
  • Romy's bluntness about her upbringing in cults is a strong character moment, revealing her complexity and the potential for deeper exploration of her past. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety or nuance to avoid feeling overly expository. The abruptness of her revelation might come off as jarring to the audience.
  • Esme's character is portrayed as youthful and somewhat naive, which contrasts well with Romy's more experienced perspective. However, her dialogue about death feels somewhat forced and could be more organically integrated into the conversation. The Buddhist quote, while interesting, may distract from the flow of their interaction.
  • The humor in Esme's comments about Romy's upbringing is a nice touch, but it risks undermining the gravity of Romy's past. Balancing humor with the seriousness of the topic is crucial to ensure that the audience understands the weight of Romy's experiences.
  • The scene ends on a light note with the discussion about fillers, which is a good way to transition back to the party atmosphere. However, it might feel disjointed if the audience is still processing the heavier themes discussed earlier. A more gradual shift in tone could enhance the overall coherence of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Romy after she mentions her past, allowing the audience to feel the weight of her words before shifting back to lighter topics.
  • Integrate Esme's comments about death more naturally into the conversation, perhaps by having her relate it to something happening at the party or a personal experience, making it feel less like a sudden philosophical shift.
  • Explore Romy's reaction to Esme's comments about fillers more deeply. This could serve as a moment for Romy to reflect on societal pressures regarding beauty, tying it back to her own insecurities and experiences.
  • Use body language and visual cues to enhance the emotional undertones of the scene. For example, showing Romy’s discomfort or contemplation when discussing her past could add depth to her character.
  • Consider revising Esme's dialogue to make it feel more authentic to her character. Instead of a direct question about fillers, she could make a comment about beauty standards that leads into the discussion, creating a more natural flow.



Scene 12 - A Moment of Connection
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING TERRACE-NIGHT

In her coat, Romy is alone smoking a cigarette. Suddenly
Samuel appears.

SAMUEL
Do you have a lighter?

She hands him one. He lights his cigarette. They smoke and
look at the city below them, flickering with Christmas
lights.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(kind)
I don’t like Christmas. Do you?

She thinks about the question. After a beat, they start
talking at the same time.

ROMY SAMUEL (CONT’D)
I have no- issues with it. You know what I read-

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Sorry, you go first.

ROMY
(smiles)
No. You... Go.

They are quiet. He stares into her eyes. She doesn’t look
away.

SAMUEL
(as if he just remembered)
Oh! I chose you as my mentor.

ROMY
What?

SAMUEL
I chose you as my mentor.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 16.


She shakes her head while blowing out smoke.

ROMY
I’m not a part of that program.

SAMUEL
You are.

ROMY
No I’m not.

SAMUEL
(without taking his eyes
off of her)
You are. You’re on the list. I got
an email and I clicked on your
name.
(he smiles, a beat)
So- You’re on the list.

Samuel stubs out his cigarette.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Thank you for the light.

He walks away. Puzzled, Romy stays behind.


INT. OFFICE BUILDING 6TH FLOOR NIGHT

Later- people are dancing. Jacob is dancing with Nora and
Isabel. Nora tries to get her mother to join but she shakes
her head. MR. MISSEL (73, board of directors, fatherly) and
Romy’s eyes meet. He smiles at her refusal to dance with her
family. In a corner of the room, the interns talk to each
other. Samuel dances with an older woman. Romy watches him.
He takes off his jacket and tie. As he dances, his tie falls
to the ground.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary On a terrace overlooking a city adorned with Christmas lights, Romy finds herself alone when Samuel approaches her for a lighter. Their conversation reveals a shared introspection about Christmas and culminates in Samuel's surprising declaration that he has chosen Romy as his mentor, a claim she disputes. As Samuel thanks her and walks away, Romy is left puzzled by the encounter. The scene shifts to a lively party on the 6th floor, where Romy observes Samuel dancing with an older woman, deepening her feelings of detachment amidst the festive atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Subtle character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing romantic tension
Weaknesses
  • Low external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes a sense of intimacy and intrigue between Romy and Samuel, setting up potential conflicts and character development. The dialogue is engaging and reveals layers of the characters' personalities, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of mentorship and connection is central to the scene, providing a foundation for character development and potential conflicts. The introduction of romantic tension adds depth to the narrative and sets up intriguing dynamics for future interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on establishing the mentorship relationship between Romy and Samuel, hinting at potential conflicts and character growth. The introduction of romantic tension adds complexity to the narrative and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and explores themes of independence and connection in a fresh and engaging way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed in the scene, with their interactions revealing layers of their personalities and hinting at potential conflicts. The subtle romantic tension between them adds depth to their dynamic and sets the stage for future developments.

Character Changes: 7

Both Romy and Samuel experience subtle shifts in their dynamic during the scene, with hints of potential growth and conflict. Romy's reluctance to engage fully with Samuel and the mentorship program suggests internal struggles and emotional barriers that may be explored further.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her independence and distance from others, as seen in her refusal to dance with her family and her initial reluctance to engage with Samuel.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate unexpected social interactions, as seen in her interactions with Samuel and her refusal to dance with her family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is subtle, primarily revolving around the internal struggles and emotional dynamics between Romy and Samuel. The tension is more emotional and relational, setting the stage for potential conflicts in future interactions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and desires. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will navigate these conflicts.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the emotional and relational dynamics between Romy and Samuel. The potential for romantic tension and conflicts adds depth to the narrative but does not involve high-stakes situations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the mentorship relationship between Romy and Samuel, hinting at potential conflicts and character growth. The introduction of romantic tension adds complexity to the narrative and sets up intriguing dynamics for future interactions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected social interactions and the characters' complex emotions and motivations. The audience is left wondering about the characters' true intentions and desires.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of connection and independence, as Romy grapples with her desire for solitude and her unexpected connection with Samuel.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, drawing the audience into the evolving relationship between Romy and Samuel. The melancholic undertones and hopeful moments create a sense of intrigue and curiosity, setting up emotional resonance for future developments.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reveals important aspects of the characters' personalities and motivations. The interactions between Romy and Samuel are nuanced and hint at underlying emotions, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the subtle character interactions, emotional depth, and the sense of mystery and intrigue surrounding the characters' motivations and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional journey and internal conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure and pacing that effectively conveys the characters' emotions and internal conflicts. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a moment of connection between Romy and Samuel, showcasing their chemistry through dialogue and shared vulnerability. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their interaction. For instance, while they discuss Christmas, it feels somewhat surface-level; exploring their personal feelings about the holiday could add emotional weight.
  • Romy's initial reaction to Samuel's declaration about choosing her as a mentor is intriguing, but her denial feels a bit flat. This could be an opportunity to explore her insecurities or fears about mentorship, which would add depth to her character and make the scene more engaging.
  • The transition from the terrace to the party is visually effective, but the contrast between Romy's isolation and the lively atmosphere inside could be emphasized further. Consider using more descriptive language to illustrate her feelings of detachment as she observes her family and Samuel dancing.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the moment where Samuel reveals he chose Romy as his mentor could be heightened for dramatic effect. A longer pause or a more intense reaction from Romy could amplify the tension and surprise of this revelation.
  • The ending of the scene, where Romy watches Samuel dance with another woman, is visually striking but could be enhanced by incorporating Romy's internal thoughts or feelings. This would provide insight into her emotional state and deepen the audience's connection to her character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue about Christmas, allowing Romy and Samuel to reveal their deeper feelings about the holiday and what it represents for them personally.
  • Explore Romy's internal conflict regarding her role as a mentor. This could be done through her body language or a brief internal monologue that reflects her hesitation or fear of commitment.
  • Enhance the visual contrast between Romy's solitude on the terrace and the vibrant party inside by using more descriptive language to convey her emotional state and the atmosphere of the party.
  • Heighten the dramatic impact of Samuel's revelation by allowing for a longer pause or a more intense reaction from Romy, emphasizing the significance of this moment in their relationship.
  • Incorporate Romy's internal thoughts or feelings as she watches Samuel dance with another woman, providing the audience with a deeper understanding of her emotional turmoil and the complexities of her feelings for him.



Scene 13 - A Playful Distraction
INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT KITCHEN- NIGHT

Later that night- At home Jacob eats from a tub of Greek
vanilla yoghurt. The Hedda Gabler script in front of him.
Romy is typing on her phone.

JACOB
Scarlett doesn't understand Hedda
Gabler at all - She thinks it’s
about desire. It’s not about
desire, It’s about suicide.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 17.


ROMY
(distracted)
OK.

Romy looks at her phone.

JACOB
(changing the subject back
to Hedda)
Hedda’s life is over before the
play begins-

ROMY
(eyes fixated on her
screen, very distracted)
Right- Yes. Before it begins. It’s-
over. That makes- a lot of sense-
to me.

JACOB
What are you mumbling about? You’re
not saying any words- are you
having a seizure?

She laughs. She loves him when he teases her.

ROMY
(laughing)
You’re so rude-

JACOB
(flirty)
Who are you texting the whole time?

ROMY
(smiles)
When I’m on my phone it’s for work.
Especially now -you know that.

JACOB
(laughs)
As if that’s a good excuse! That’s
the whole problem!

He laughs.

JACOB (CONT’D)
Hey, come here.

He takes her in his arms. He looks into her eyes.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 18.


JACOB (CONT’D)
(half smiling, half
vulnerable)
Am I-- relevant to you as a
director?

ROMY
Everyone is irrelevant. We don’t
give enough attention to the
avalanche that will cover us all,
in a very short time.

JACOB
What?

They both laugh. He kisses her. They hug.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In their apartment kitchen, Jacob passionately discusses 'Hedda Gabler' while Romy, distracted by her phone, humorously engages in the conversation. Jacob expresses frustration over Scarlett's interpretation of the play, insisting it focuses on suicide rather than desire. Their playful banter reveals a strong bond, culminating in a tender embrace and kiss, highlighting their affectionate relationship despite the initial distraction.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character chemistry
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the intimacy and chemistry between Romy and Jacob, while also introducing philosophical elements that add depth to their characters. The dialogue is engaging and reveals layers of their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring intimate conversations and philosophical discussions within a romantic relationship is well-executed in this scene. It adds layers to the characters and deepens the audience's understanding of their dynamic.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene primarily focuses on character development and relationship dynamics, it also subtly advances the plot by revealing more about Romy and Jacob's personalities and their views on life.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring classic literature and relationships, with authentic dialogue that reflects the characters' personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Romy and Jacob are well-developed characters with distinct personalities and a strong emotional connection. Their banter and vulnerability make them relatable and engaging for the audience.

Character Changes: 7

Both Romy and Jacob show vulnerability and introspection in the scene, deepening their characters and hinting at potential growth and development in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to engage in a meaningful conversation with his partner about the deeper themes of the play 'Hedda Gabler' and to connect emotionally with her.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to spend quality time with his partner and deepen their emotional connection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is a lack of external conflict in the scene, the internal conflicts and tensions within the characters' relationship provide depth and complexity to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle but present, adding tension and complexity to the characters' interactions.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal relationships and introspection rather than external conflicts or dramatic tension.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene primarily focuses on character development and relationship dynamics, it subtly moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters' motivations and inner conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting tone between humor and seriousness, keeping the audience engaged and unsure of the characters' true intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's view of relevance and attention to impending doom, contrasting with his partner's more lighthearted approach to life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from affection and humor to introspection and vulnerability. The intimate moments between Romy and Jacob resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is natural, witty, and thought-provoking. It effectively conveys the emotions and thoughts of the characters, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, emotional depth, and the dynamic relationship between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by allowing moments of reflection and intimacy to balance the witty banter and humor.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making it easy to follow and visualize the interactions between the characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and emotional development, fitting the expected structure for a character-driven drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the playful dynamic between Romy and Jacob, showcasing their intimacy through humor and flirtation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more specificity to deepen the characters' emotional connection. For instance, Jacob's comments about 'Hedda Gabler' could be tied more closely to their relationship or Romy's current emotional state, making the conversation feel more relevant to their lives.
  • Romy's distraction with her phone is a relatable modern issue, but it could be more explicitly linked to her internal conflict or stress. This would enhance the tension in the scene and provide a clearer contrast between her personal and professional life. As it stands, her distraction feels somewhat superficial and could be developed further to show how it affects her relationship with Jacob.
  • The humor in the scene is well-placed, but the pacing could be improved. The back-and-forth banter feels slightly rushed, which may detract from the emotional weight of their interactions. Allowing for pauses or reactions could enhance the comedic timing and give the audience a moment to absorb the playful tension.
  • The metaphor of the 'avalanche' is intriguing but feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the dialogue. It could be more effectively integrated into the conversation to reflect Romy's state of mind or the pressures she faces, thereby enriching the thematic depth of the scene.
  • The scene ends on a light note with laughter and a kiss, which is effective for showcasing their bond. However, considering the preceding scene's emotional weight, it might be beneficial to include a moment of vulnerability or reflection from Romy before the scene concludes. This would create a more nuanced transition between the two scenes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two that connects Jacob's discussion of 'Hedda Gabler' to Romy's current struggles or feelings, making the conversation feel more relevant to their relationship.
  • Deepen Romy's distraction by incorporating a line that hints at her internal conflict or stress related to her work, which would add layers to her character and the scene.
  • Slow down the pacing of the dialogue to allow for more natural pauses and reactions, enhancing the comedic timing and emotional resonance of their interactions.
  • Integrate the metaphor of the 'avalanche' more seamlessly into the conversation, perhaps by having Romy elaborate on it in relation to her life or the pressures she faces.
  • Add a moment of vulnerability for Romy at the end of the scene, perhaps reflecting on her feelings about the previous scene or her relationship with Jacob, to create a smoother transition and deeper emotional impact.



Scene 14 - Tangled Emotions
INT. OFFICE BUILDING HALLWAY - DAY

The next morning- it’s Saturday. Romy, with her coat on,
looks around. A caterer wheels out a cart of glassware. A
deflated balloon on the floor. The office is empty. A cleaner
is vacuuming. Romy takes a water from the fridge when out of
the corner of her eye, she spots Samuel’s tie on the floor
next to where everyone was dancing. She picks it up and puts
it in her bag.


INT. OFFICE BUILDING ROMY'S OFFICE DAY

Later- Romy is working on her laptop with her coat still on.
Business news plays loudly. She tries to focus but keeps
looking at her bag on the edge of the sofa. Hesitant, she
gets up. She lowers the blinds, to make sure no one can see
her. She sits down on the sofa. Unsure of herself, she takes
the tie out of her bag. She looks around before she smells
it. Slowly, she brings the tie to her mouth. Her hand moves
towards her skirt. She pushes the tie deeper into her mouth
while she starts to touch herself.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In an empty office building the morning after a party, Romy discovers Samuel's tie and takes it to her office. Struggling to focus on work, she succumbs to her desires, engaging in an intimate moment with the tie, which symbolizes her connection to Samuel. The scene captures her internal conflict between professionalism and longing, culminating in a private act of vulnerability.
Strengths
  • Intimate portrayal of character's desires
  • Effective use of symbolism
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Romy's internal struggle and desires through a well-executed sequence that is both intimate and vulnerable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Romy's desires and inner conflict through a symbolic object like Samuel's tie is intriguing and well-developed.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it delves deep into Romy's character development and internal struggles.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and actions are familiar, the writer's focus on internal conflict and desire adds a fresh perspective. The authenticity of Romy's actions and dialogue contributes to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene provides insight into Romy's character, showcasing her vulnerabilities and desires in a nuanced way.

Character Changes: 8

Romy undergoes a significant emotional journey in the scene, grappling with her desires and vulnerabilities.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to satisfy her desire for intimacy and connection, as well as to explore her own sexuality and desires. This reflects her deeper needs for emotional fulfillment and self-discovery.

External Goal: 6

Romy's external goal in this scene is to maintain her professional facade while indulging in a personal and intimate moment. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing her public and private personas.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Romy's conflicting emotions and desires.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate, with Romy facing internal and external conflicts as she navigates her desires and societal expectations. The uncertainty of her actions keeps the audience engaged and curious about the outcome.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on Romy's internal conflict and desires.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not move the main plot forward significantly, it deepens the audience's understanding of Romy's character.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations of professional behavior and explores taboo themes of intimacy and self-pleasure in a corporate setting.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between societal expectations of professionalism and personal desires for intimacy and self-expression. This challenges Romy's beliefs about the boundaries between public and private life, as well as the consequences of crossing those boundaries.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into Romy's internal struggles and desires.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying Romy's internal conflict and desires.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it delves into Romy's inner thoughts and desires, creating a sense of intimacy and vulnerability. The tension between her public and private personas keeps the reader invested in her journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as Romy explores her desires and crosses boundaries. The rhythm of the scene mirrors her internal struggle and emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions. The use of visual and sensory details enhances the reader's understanding of the setting and character emotions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions and a focus on character development and internal conflict. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Romy's internal conflict and desire, showcasing her vulnerability and the complexity of her feelings towards Samuel. However, the transition from the previous scene, which is light-hearted and intimate with Jacob, to this scene feels abrupt. This shift could benefit from a stronger emotional bridge to enhance the narrative flow.
  • The use of sensory details, such as the smell of the tie, is a powerful tool that conveys Romy's longing and desire. However, the act of her pushing the tie deeper into her mouth while touching herself may come off as overly explicit for some audiences. It risks overshadowing the emotional depth of the moment with shock value, which could detract from the character's development.
  • The setting of an empty office building on a Saturday adds a layer of isolation to Romy's actions, emphasizing her loneliness and the secretive nature of her desires. However, the scene could benefit from more visual cues that reflect her emotional state, such as the lighting or the sounds in the background, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Romy's hesitance and the act of lowering the blinds effectively build tension and anticipation. However, the pacing could be improved by allowing more time for her internal struggle before she engages in the act. This would heighten the emotional stakes and make her eventual decision feel more impactful.
  • The dialogue is absent in this scene, which is appropriate given the intimate and private nature of Romy's actions. However, incorporating internal monologue or voiceover could provide insight into her thoughts and feelings, making her actions more relatable and grounded in her character arc.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or voiceover that reflects Romy's thoughts and feelings about Samuel and her actions. This could help the audience connect with her emotional state and understand her motivations better.
  • To enhance the transition from the previous scene, include a moment of reflection for Romy as she leaves the warmth of her home with Jacob, perhaps recalling a specific moment with Samuel that triggers her desire for the tie.
  • Explore the use of lighting and sound to create a more atmospheric setting. For example, dimming the lights or adding a soft, melancholic soundtrack could amplify the emotional weight of Romy's actions.
  • Reassess the explicitness of Romy's actions with the tie. Consider whether a more subtle approach could convey her longing without being overly graphic, allowing the audience to infer her desires rather than showing them explicitly.
  • Allow for a moment of hesitation or conflict before Romy engages in her actions. This could involve her looking at the tie and recalling a memory with Samuel, which would deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.



Scene 15 - Beauty in Pain
INT. REMEDY PLACE-DAY

Close up of Romy’s face. A needle is penetrating her upper
lip. Romy gets Botox and fillers. It hurts but she doesn't
mind.

DOCTOR
You sure you don’t want some
numbing cream?

She shakes her head.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 19.


INT. REMEDY PLACE- DAY

Romy lies in a hyperbaric oxygen chamber and works on her I-
Pad.

Romy submerges her body in a ice cold plunge tank.

Romy does cryotherapy wearing ear protectors , a black
bathing suit and large gloves. Her breath is visible in the
cold.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a modern cosmetic treatment facility, Romy undergoes a series of beauty procedures, including Botox, fillers, and cryotherapy, showcasing her determination to achieve beauty despite the discomfort. She declines numbing cream offered by the doctor, highlighting her internal struggle between pain and her desire for aesthetic enhancement. The scene captures her commitment through close-ups of her expressions and the stark contrasts of the treatments, culminating in her enduring the cold of the cryotherapy chamber.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of internal conflict
  • Insightful character development
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively conveys Romy's inner struggle between her desire for beauty and the physical discomfort she endures, adding depth to her character.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Romy's pursuit of physical perfection through cosmetic procedures is intriguing and adds layers to her character.

Plot: 6.5

While the plot progression is minimal in this scene, it provides insight into Romy's character and sets the stage for potential conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of beauty and self-care by focusing on extreme beauty treatments like cryotherapy and hyperbaric oxygen chambers. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Romy's character is well-developed in this scene, showcasing her internal struggles and complexities.

Character Changes: 7

Romy undergoes a subtle change as she navigates the pain and discomfort of her beauty routine, showcasing her resilience and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her physical appearance and youthfulness. This reflects her deeper need for validation, fear of aging, and desire to feel attractive and confident.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal in this scene is to undergo various beauty treatments to enhance her appearance. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining her beauty standards and keeping up with societal expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is more internal, focusing on Romy's inner struggles rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Romy faces physical discomfort and societal pressure to conform to beauty standards. The audience is left unsure of how she will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on Romy's personal struggles than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 5

While the scene doesn't significantly move the main plot forward, it provides valuable insight into Romy's character and motivations.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it challenges the audience's expectations of beauty treatments and explores the darker side of the beauty industry.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the societal pressure to conform to beauty standards versus the acceptance of natural aging and self-acceptance. This challenges Romy's beliefs about beauty, self-worth, and the importance of physical appearance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through Romy's physical discomfort and emotional turmoil.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but serves its purpose in highlighting Romy's actions and emotions.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it immerses the audience in the luxurious and surreal world of the beauty clinic, while also exploring deeper themes of beauty, self-image, and societal expectations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between intense moments of beauty treatments and quieter moments of reflection, creating a dynamic and engaging rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a character-driven drama, with a focus on Romy's internal and external goals and the philosophical conflict she faces.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys Romy's commitment to beauty and self-care, but it lacks emotional depth. While the physical actions are described in detail, the scene could benefit from exploring Romy's internal thoughts and feelings during these procedures. What does she think about herself? How does she feel about the pain? Adding this layer would create a stronger connection with the audience.
  • The transition between the different beauty treatments feels abrupt. Each treatment is introduced without much context or emotional resonance. Consider weaving in Romy's thoughts or memories associated with each procedure to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • The dialogue from the doctor is minimal and does not add much to the scene. It might be more impactful if the doctor asked questions that provoke Romy's thoughts about her self-image or her motivations for undergoing these treatments. This could serve to deepen the audience's understanding of Romy's character.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, but they could be enhanced by incorporating sensory details beyond just sight. For example, describing the sounds of the clinic, the coldness of the plunge tank, or the sensation of the cryotherapy could immerse the audience more fully in Romy's experience.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While it showcases Romy's physical actions, it doesn't illustrate any change or development in her character. Consider introducing a moment of realization or conflict that Romy experiences during these treatments, which could serve as a turning point in her journey.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate Romy's internal monologue to provide insight into her feelings about beauty, aging, and self-worth. This could help the audience empathize with her character.
  • Add transitional phrases or thoughts that connect the different beauty treatments, perhaps reflecting on how each one relates to her self-image or her past experiences.
  • Enhance the doctor's dialogue to include probing questions that challenge Romy's motivations for seeking these treatments, prompting her to reflect on her choices.
  • Include more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere, such as the sounds of the clinic, the chill of the ice tank, or the feeling of the oxygen chamber, to engage the audience's senses.
  • Consider ending the scene with a moment of vulnerability or realization for Romy, perhaps reflecting on the pain she endures for beauty and what that says about her self-perception.



Scene 16 - Emotional Disconnect
INT. EMDR THERAPY CLINIC/ UNDEFINED SPACES - DAY

Close on Romy’s face with headphones on. We hear the sound of
Audio Bilateral stimulation moving from our left ear to our
right. Up close we see her eyes move from left to right,
following a light-bar. Her wrists are stimulated every few
seconds by vibrating black wristbands, which she wears like
handcuffs.

THERAPIST
5,4,3,2,1...

Romy closes her eyes. Flashback to: Romy’s childhood. A group
of children dance wildly.

THERAPIST (CONT’D)
What do you feel?

Close on her eyes moving rapidly. We see a flash of Samuel’s
hands, feeding a treat to the dog on the street.

ROMY
Nothing.

A flash of the dog standing over Romy as she lays on the
street on her back.

THERAPIST
No feelings in your body?
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological"]

Summary In an EMDR therapy clinic, Romy undergoes a session guided by her therapist. As she follows a light-bar with her eyes, she is prompted to recall childhood memories. Despite being asked about her feelings, Romy feels 'Nothing,' revealing her emotional numbness. Flashbacks of children dancing and a dog standing over her while she lies on the street illustrate her struggle to connect with her past. The scene captures Romy's internal conflict and detachment, leaving her unresolved in her emotional journey.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character exploration
  • Innovative storytelling technique
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into Romy's inner turmoil and past experiences through a unique therapeutic technique, creating a sense of emotional depth and complexity.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using EMDR therapy as a storytelling device to explore Romy's past trauma and emotional numbness is innovative and adds depth to her character development.

Plot: 8

The plot focuses on Romy's internal struggles and emotional journey, providing insight into her past experiences and current emotional state.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its use of technology in therapy and its focus on internal emotional experiences. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene primarily focuses on Romy's character, delving into her emotional complexity and past trauma through the therapy session and flashbacks.

Character Changes: 8

Romy undergoes a significant emotional journey as she confronts her past trauma and begins to unravel her emotional numbness during the therapy session.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to confront and process her childhood trauma. This reflects her deeper need for healing and emotional growth.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal in this scene is to connect her past experiences with her current emotional state. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in therapy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is primarily internal, as Romy grapples with her past trauma and emotional numbness during the therapy session.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as Romy faces internal resistance to confronting her trauma, leading to uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are primarily internal, as Romy grapples with her past trauma and emotional numbness, leading to a sense of vulnerability and self-discovery.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides insight into Romy's past experiences and emotional state, moving her character development forward as she begins to address her emotional numbness.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it challenges the character's beliefs and emotions in unexpected ways, leading to a deeper exploration of her psyche.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Romy's conscious desire to heal and her subconscious resistance to facing her trauma. This challenges her beliefs about herself and her past.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response as Romy confronts her past trauma and emotional numbness, leading to a sense of vulnerability and introspection.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal but effective in conveying Romy's internal conflict and emotional numbness during the therapy session.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it delves into the character's internal emotional experiences and uses innovative technology to explore her psyche.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by slowly building tension and suspense as Romy confronts her trauma.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a therapy session in a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a therapy session in a screenplay, with clear dialogue and character actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively utilizes visual and auditory elements to convey Romy's emotional state during the EMDR therapy session. The close-ups of her face and the sound of the audio bilateral stimulation create an immersive experience for the audience, allowing them to feel her internal struggle.
  • The transition from the therapy session to the flashback is well-executed, but the flashback itself could benefit from more context. While we see children dancing, the significance of this memory is unclear. Providing a brief glimpse into Romy's feelings or thoughts during this moment could enhance the emotional impact.
  • Romy's response of 'Nothing' is powerful, but it may leave the audience wanting more insight into her emotional landscape. This moment could be an opportunity to explore her feelings of detachment or numbness further, perhaps through internal monologue or visual metaphors that reflect her emotional state.
  • The introduction of Samuel's hands feeding a dog adds an interesting layer to the scene, but it feels somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition or a clearer connection between this image and Romy's current emotional state would strengthen the narrative flow.
  • The therapist's questions are straightforward, but they could be more probing to elicit deeper responses from Romy. This would not only enhance the tension in the scene but also provide a clearer understanding of Romy's psychological struggles.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or visual cues that reflect Romy's feelings during the flashback of her childhood. This could help the audience connect more deeply with her emotional experience.
  • Enhance the connection between the flashback and Romy's current state by providing more context or a clearer narrative thread that links her childhood experiences to her present feelings of detachment.
  • Explore the significance of Samuel's hands feeding the dog by incorporating a moment of reflection from Romy that connects this image to her feelings of vulnerability or longing for connection.
  • Revise the therapist's dialogue to include more probing questions that encourage Romy to explore her emotions more deeply, which could heighten the tension and emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Consider using visual metaphors or symbolic imagery during the flashback to convey Romy's emotional state more effectively, allowing the audience to grasp the complexity of her feelings.



Scene 17 - Christmas Card Chaos
INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT- LIVING ROOM- DAY

Through the lens of the photographer we see the family posing
for their yearly Christmas card picture next to their
tastefully decorated Christmas tree. A perfect American
nuclear family except for the fact that Nora is wearing her
traditional Tarantella dance dress, and Isabel is in an
oversized hoody with a scary print . The photographer is
taking the shot, when suddenly Romy isn’t able to restrain
herself any longer, and jumps up.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 20.


She pushes the photographer out of the way, stands behind the
camera and looks through the lens.

ROMY
Well- ok. We’ve got that-
(kindly)
Would you go change now Isabel,
please?

JACOB
Romy, come on. Jesus-

ROMY JACOB (CONT’D)
You look beautiful, and we Let them wear what they want!
have this shot, but it’s not
the style we are going for.
It’s not what we agreed upon.

ROMY (CONT’D)
(with a smile)
Go change please.

Suddenly, Isabel starts laughing.

ISABEL
Your face looks really weird!

Romy touches her lips. Her heart sinks. Nora looks at her mom
and bursts out laughing too.

ISABEL (CONT’D)
(laughing)
You look like a dead fish!

Hurt and embarrassed, Romy looks away.

JACOB
Isabel!

ISABEL
Sorry dad, but she looks awful!
(to her mom)
Why do you do that to yourself?!

Isabel storms off.

ROMY
(friendly, to Nora)
Baby, will you go get changed now
please?

Nora nods and leaves. Jacob gives his wife a look. Romy
smiles.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 21.


ROMY (CONT’D)
(to the photographer)
Ok! Why don’t you take one of the
two of us while we’re waiting for
them to change?

She smiles. Romy and Jacob pose together.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In Romy and Jacob's living room, the family prepares for their annual Christmas card photo. Tensions rise when Romy insists that Isabel change her outfit, leading to a mocking comment from Isabel that embarrasses Romy. Despite Jacob's attempts to mediate, Isabel storms off, leaving Romy to maintain a cheerful atmosphere by asking Nora to change as well. The scene captures the conflict between Romy's desire for a perfect photo and Isabel's rebellious spirit, ending with Romy and Jacob posing together while waiting for the girls.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Family dynamics portrayal
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and humor within the family dynamic, showcasing vulnerability and embarrassment in a relatable way. The dialogue and interactions feel authentic and engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the family's struggle for control over appearances and the dynamics of relationships within the household. It effectively explores themes of vulnerability and self-image.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the conflict surrounding the Christmas card photo and the characters' reactions to it. It moves the story forward by delving into the family dynamics and individual insecurities.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the traditional family Christmas card picture scenario by exploring themes of individuality and conformity.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each displaying unique personalities and vulnerabilities. Their interactions and reactions feel authentic and add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and revelations contribute to the development of the characters' relationships and individual insecurities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of control and harmony within the family, as reflected in her desire for a perfect Christmas card picture.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get her daughters to change into appropriate attire for the Christmas card picture, reflecting her desire for a cohesive and presentable family image.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene revolves around the family's struggle for control over appearances and the characters' reactions to the Christmas card photo. It adds tension and humor to the interactions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and emotions among the family members.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene revolve around the characters' self-image and the family's struggle for control over appearances. While not high in intensity, the emotional stakes are significant for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the family dynamics and individual insecurities of the characters. It sets the stage for further exploration of relationships and personal growth.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and conflicts that arise within the family.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between individual expression and conformity within the family unit. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about family image and personal freedom.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from embarrassment and vulnerability to humor and warmth. The characters' reactions and interactions resonate with the audience, creating an emotional connection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and realistic, capturing the emotions and tensions within the family dynamic. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with relatable family dynamics and emotional conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, enhancing its overall impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a family drama genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Romy's desire for a perfect family image and the reality of her family's individuality. However, the dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect the underlying emotional complexities of each character, particularly Romy. Her reaction to Isabel's comments feels somewhat one-dimensional; exploring her internal conflict more deeply could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Isabel's mocking of Romy is a pivotal moment that could be expanded. Instead of just laughing and making a comment about Romy's appearance, consider adding a line that hints at deeper issues, such as Isabel's own insecurities or frustrations with her mother. This would create a more layered dynamic between them.
  • The transition from the family photo shoot to Romy's interaction with the photographer feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene. Perhaps including a moment where Romy hesitates before jumping in could emphasize her internal struggle between wanting to control the situation and her awareness of her family's feelings.
  • Jacob's role in this scene is somewhat passive. While he defends Romy, he could also express his own frustrations or concerns about her behavior. This would add depth to his character and highlight the strain in their relationship, making the family dynamics more compelling.
  • The scene ends with Romy and Jacob posing for a photo, which feels like a missed opportunity for a more profound emotional moment. Instead of just smiling for the camera, consider having them share a brief, meaningful exchange that reflects their current emotional state, reinforcing the tension in their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Add internal monologue or visual cues to illustrate Romy's emotional state as she reacts to Isabel's comments. This could help the audience connect with her feelings of hurt and embarrassment more deeply.
  • Consider giving Isabel a more complex motivation for her comments. Perhaps she feels overshadowed by Romy's beauty standards or is struggling with her own identity, which could lead to a more meaningful confrontation.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation for Romy before she jumps in front of the camera, allowing the audience to sense her internal conflict about wanting to control the situation versus her awareness of her family's individuality.
  • Enhance Jacob's character by allowing him to express his own frustrations about the family dynamics, which would create a more balanced portrayal of their relationship and add tension to the scene.
  • Conclude the scene with a more intimate moment between Romy and Jacob, such as a shared glance or a whispered comment that reflects their underlying issues, rather than just posing for the camera. This would leave the audience with a stronger emotional impact.



Scene 18 - Awkward Encounters
INT. OFFICE BUILDING ELEVATOR DAY

Monday morning; Romy walks into the elevator trying to hide a
small bruise caused by the fillers. The bruise is covered by
concealer, which makes it look worse. Self-conscious she
touches it.

SAMUEL O. S
Wait – hold the door-

Samuel walks in. Romy stands with her back against the wall.
Samuel stands next to her, at a respectful distance. She
looks at their reflection in the closing doors, she tries to
hide her face behind her hair. He looks at her.

SAMUEL
I’m looking forward to Tuesday.

ROMY
(confused)
Sorry?

SAMUEL
I got an email saying they
scheduled the first session.

ROMY
The what?

SAMUEL
The ten minute introduction
meeting?

She looks at him as if he has lost his mind.

ROMY
(trying to be polite)
I have no idea who sent you that
email but they’ll have to find
someone else. I don’t have time.

SAMUEL
It’s just ten minutes-
(he tilts his head and
stares at the bruise)
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 22.


He points at her cheek.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
What’s that?

ROMY
(pretending not to know)
What’s what?


He points at his own face.

SAMUEL
There’s no need for the-

Embarrassed she looks away.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Looks good on you.

With a loud ding the elevator stops. Blushing, she walks out.
Tom is waiting for her in the hallway. He stares at Samuel
through the elevator doors. Samuel stares back as the doors
close in front of him.


EXT/INT OFFICE TERRACE/ MEETING ROOM -DUSK

Esme sits alone on a bench. Samuel walks up to her and sits
down next to her. They talk and laugh.

From a window high above, Romy watches them.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary On a Monday morning, Romy enters an elevator, trying to hide a bruise on her cheek. Samuel joins her, excited about a meeting she knows nothing about, and notices her bruise, complimenting her and making her blush. As Romy exits the elevator, she feels embarrassed, while Tom observes the interaction. The scene shifts to Esme, who shares a light-hearted moment with Samuel, leaving Romy feeling self-conscious and unresolved.
Strengths
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Intriguing setup for future developments
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the awkwardness and emotional tension between Romy and Samuel, setting up a potential romantic subplot. The dialogue and character interactions are engaging, drawing the audience into the moment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the initial meeting between Romy and Samuel, exploring themes of curiosity, vulnerability, and potential romance. The scene effectively introduces these elements, setting the stage for future character dynamics.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression in this scene is minimal, focusing primarily on character interaction, it serves an important role in establishing the relationship between Romy and Samuel. The scene adds depth to the characters and hints at potential conflicts and developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh dynamics in a familiar office setting, with authentic character interactions and realistic dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their initial awkwardness and curiosity towards each other. Their interactions feel authentic and engaging, drawing the audience into their dynamic.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics, particularly in Romy's initial discomfort and Samuel's curiosity, the scene primarily focuses on establishing their relationship. Future scenes may explore deeper character changes and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her composure and hide her vulnerability, as seen through her attempts to conceal the bruise and her discomfort with Samuel's attention.

External Goal: 7.5

Romy's external goal is to avoid the scheduled meeting with Samuel, showcasing her reluctance to engage in social interactions or reveal personal details.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' emotional tension and vulnerability. While there is no overt external conflict, the scene sets up potential conflicts and obstacles for the characters to overcome.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and hidden agendas creating uncertainty and intrigue.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in this scene are relatively low, focusing on the emotional tension and potential romance between Romy and Samuel. While there are hints of future conflicts and obstacles, the immediate stakes are centered on their initial interaction.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the characters of Romy and Samuel and setting up potential conflicts and developments. While the plot progression is minimal, the scene adds depth to the narrative and hints at future storylines.

Unpredictability: 7.5

The scene is unpredictable in terms of character reactions and the evolving dynamics between Romy, Samuel, and Tom.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The scene presents a conflict between societal expectations of professionalism and personal boundaries, as Romy struggles to navigate her image and privacy in a professional setting.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, capturing the awkwardness and vulnerability of the characters' interaction. The audience is drawn into the emotional depth of the moment, creating a sense of intimacy and intrigue.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the awkwardness and emotional tension between Romy and Samuel, adding depth to their characters. The exchanges feel natural and engaging, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its subtle tension, character dynamics, and the unfolding of interpersonal conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, enhancing the overall impact of the interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to expected formatting standards for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Romy's self-consciousness and vulnerability through her interaction with Samuel, particularly with the bruise on her cheek serving as a physical manifestation of her emotional state. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension between them. Samuel's comments about the bruise feel somewhat on-the-nose and could be rephrased to create a more nuanced exchange.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the elevator to the terrace feels abrupt. The shift in location could be smoothed out with a brief moment of reflection from Romy as she exits the elevator, allowing the audience to absorb her emotional state before moving to the next scene.
  • Romy's confusion about the meeting is a strong character moment, but it could be amplified by showing her internal thoughts or feelings more explicitly. This would help the audience connect with her emotional turmoil and the pressure she feels in her professional life.
  • The visual elements, such as the reflection in the elevator doors, are effective in conveying the characters' emotions. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to paint a clearer picture of the setting and the characters' body language, enhancing the overall atmosphere.
  • The ending of the scene, with Romy watching Samuel and Esme from a distance, is a powerful visual that conveys her feelings of isolation and jealousy. However, it could be strengthened by including a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that highlights her emotional response to seeing them together.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Samuel's dialogue to include more subtext, allowing for a deeper exploration of their relationship dynamics. For example, instead of directly commenting on the bruise, he could make a more ambiguous remark that hints at his concern without explicitly stating it.
  • Add a moment of reflection for Romy as she exits the elevator, perhaps a brief thought about her feelings regarding the meeting or her appearance, to create a smoother transition to the next scene.
  • Incorporate internal thoughts or feelings for Romy during her conversation with Samuel to provide insight into her emotional state and enhance audience empathy.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting and characters' body language to create a more immersive experience for the audience, allowing them to feel the tension and vulnerability in the scene.
  • Include a brief internal monologue or visual cue for Romy as she observes Samuel and Esme, emphasizing her feelings of jealousy or isolation to deepen the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 19 - Support and Aspirations
INT. OFFICE BUILDING ROMY'S OFFICE- NIGHT

Esme is applying more concealer to Romy’s bruise.

ROMY
Who decided that I’m part of that
mentor program by the way?

ESME
Hazel thought it would be good for
you to take part in some extra
activities internally... They say
there’s a talent war-so I guess
it’s important to make new talent
feel involved. Show you’re an
approachable leader-

ROMY
Yes- The talent war-
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 23.


They both laugh.

ESME
You think we can talk about my
promotion soon?

ROMY
(warm)
Of course-

Romy checks herself in a hand mirror.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a warm and supportive scene set in Romy's office at night, Esme applies concealer to Romy's bruise while they discuss Romy's unexpected role in a mentor program initiated by Hazel. Their conversation lightens as they joke about the workplace 'talent war,' leading Esme to express her desire for a promotion. Romy responds with encouragement, reinforcing their friendship. The scene concludes with Romy checking her appearance in a hand mirror, symbolizing both vulnerability and self-awareness.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Warm tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively showcases the bond between Romy and Esme, providing insight into their characters and the workplace dynamics. The dialogue is engaging and reveals layers of their personalities.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the mentorship program and office dynamics adds depth to the narrative, offering a glimpse into the professional side of Romy's life and her interactions with her team.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot doesn't advance significantly, the scene lays the groundwork for potential developments in Romy and Esme's relationship, as well as Romy's role within the company.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces familiar workplace themes but adds a fresh perspective through the talent war concept and the characters' interactions. The authenticity of dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Romy and Esme are well-defined characters with distinct personalities that shine through in their interactions. Their dynamic is engaging and sets the stage for future character growth.

Character Changes: 5

There is a subtle shift in the dynamic between Romy and Esme, hinting at potential changes in their relationship dynamics and professional roles.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal is to maintain her leadership image and navigate the politics within the organization. This reflects her desire for respect, recognition, and success in her career.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to discuss Esme's promotion, showcasing her role as a leader and decision-maker within the company.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is a hint of potential conflict regarding Romy's involvement in the mentor program, it is not fully developed in this scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with hints of conflict and power struggles that could escalate in future developments.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on character dynamics and workplace interactions rather than high-stakes drama.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene doesn't significantly move the main plot forward, it sets the stage for future developments in Romy's professional life and relationships within the office environment.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of office politics and power dynamics, but there is potential for unexpected developments.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of talent war and the importance of leadership approachability. It challenges Romy's beliefs about leadership style and organizational culture.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a sense of warmth and camaraderie between Romy and Esme, as well as a touch of humor, creating an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals insights into the characters' motivations and relationships. It effectively conveys the tone of the scene and keeps the audience invested.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to the dynamic between Romy and Esme, the underlying tension, and the potential for conflict or resolution.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining audience interest through the characters' dialogue and actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards for a screenplay, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard format for a dialogue-driven office setting, with clear character motivations and progression.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of vulnerability for Romy as she deals with the physical reminder of her insecurities through the bruise. However, the dialogue feels somewhat expository, particularly in Esme's lines about the mentor program and the talent war. This could be streamlined to sound more natural and less like a setup for the audience's understanding.
  • The humor shared between Romy and Esme is a nice touch, providing a brief respite from the tension surrounding Romy's situation. However, the transition from the light-hearted moment to the serious topic of Esme's promotion feels abrupt. A smoother segue could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • Romy's character is portrayed as warm and supportive, which is a positive trait, but the scene lacks depth in exploring her internal conflict regarding the mentor program. It would be beneficial to delve deeper into her feelings about being thrust into this role, especially given her current emotional state.
  • The visual element of Romy checking herself in the mirror is a strong choice, symbolizing her self-reflection and the pressure she feels to maintain appearances. However, this moment could be expanded to include more of her internal thoughts or feelings, enhancing the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly after Romy's warm response to Esme's promotion inquiry. A more conclusive ending or a hint at Romy's internal struggle could leave the audience with a stronger impression of her character's journey.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Esme's dialogue to make it feel more organic and less like exposition. Perhaps have her express her thoughts in a more casual or personal manner, reflecting their relationship.
  • Add a moment of hesitation or conflict for Romy when discussing the mentor program. This could be a brief internal monologue or a physical reaction that conveys her discomfort with the situation.
  • Enhance the transition between the light-hearted banter and the serious topic of Esme's promotion by incorporating a shared experience or memory that ties their conversation together.
  • Expand on the moment where Romy checks herself in the mirror. Include her thoughts or feelings about her appearance and the bruise, which could deepen the audience's understanding of her character's struggles.
  • Consider adding a final line or action that hints at Romy's internal conflict or foreshadows future developments in her character arc, creating a more impactful conclusion to the scene.



Scene 20 - Unexpected Connections
EXT. NEW YORK CITY- EARLY MORNING.

From high above, the sun rises over the skyline.


INT. OFFICE BASEMENT HALLWAY- DAY

Romy walks along the empty hallway, towards basement meeting
room.


INT. OFFICE BUILDING WINDOWLESS BASEMENT ROOM- DAY

Nervous and excited, Samuel sits at a table, with a yellow
pad and a pen, waiting. A long beat before Romy comes in.

ROMY
You have seven minutes.

SAMUEL
Ten.

He gets up to shake her hand, but she ignores him.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Thank you so much for making the
time.

ROMY
(mumbles)
I was forced.

SAMUEL
Excuse me?

She gives him a look.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Why did you want to meet here?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 24.


ROMY
You don’t like this room?

SAMUEL
No. I do. It’s perfect.

He feels the wall.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
It’s soundproof.

She stares at him, not knowing what to think.

ROMY
I would hurry up if I were you.

SAMUEL
Of course. So--- how- did- it-
start?

ROMY
What?

SAMUEL
The warehouse automation dream?
It’s an interesting choice
considering the climate crisis.

ROMY
That’s your question? Google it.

SAMUEL
I want to hear it from you.

ROMY
Why?

SAMUEL
Cause the internet is unreliable.

Briefly she looks into his eyes. Then she starts to speak at
a very fast pace.

ROMY
I graduated from Yale cum laude and
was recruited by an investment
firm. The selection process was
gruesome. There were six rooms, and
in every room, I had to answer
certain questions and solve math
formulas. One of the questions was
how many ping pong balls would fit
in that specific room.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 25.


SAMUEL
How many ping pong balls fit in
this room?

She ignores him.

ROMY
At the end they gave me a
hypothetical case of a company that
was in deep trouble, and I had to
figure out how to make them
profitable again. For a week I
tried to solve it, but I couldn’t,
so I went in and told them they
could go fuck themselves-

SAMUEL
What did they say?

ROMY
They hired me.

SAMUEL
Because you were bold?

ROMY
I guess they were looking for
certain personalities.

SAMUEL
What kind?

ROMY
(ignoring him)
I started my own company five years
later with the goal to change the
global supply chain forever. I
wanted to automate repetitive
tasks, to give people their time
back so they can spend it in a
fulfilling way–

SAMUEL
(interrupting her)
Power hungry personalities?

ROMY
You think that’s what I am?

SAMUEL
No, the opposite.

ROMY
You think I don't like power?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 26.


SAMUEL
(soft)
No. I think you like to be told
what to do.

The air the leaves the room. Samuel blushes, shocked at his
own words. Romy freezes.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Sorry. I didn’t mean to- that’s
inappropriate – that’s incredibly
inappropriate–

He smiles. Embarrassed, he looks at his yellow pad. He starts
to write. She stares at his hand moving extremely fast over
the paper, writing down all kinds of numbers. Suddenly she
grabs the pen out of hid hand. Surprised, he looks up. He
smiles as if he recognizes something. She writes down her
phone number on his yellow pad, before she hands the pen back
to him.

ROMY
(explaining herself,
trying to sound
indifferent)
Seven minutes are up, but we can do
another session- if that’s what you
were hoping for...

With kind eyes he looks at her phone number, and then at her.

SAMUEL
(about the phone number)
I already have it.

Confused she starts to walk to the door.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(about the ping pong
balls))
818007, is the answer.

Without looking back at him, she opens the door to leave.
Suddenly, he stands behind her. He slowly closes the door.
She lets him. She turns around to face him. Her lips are
almost touching his. Their mouths gradually near each other.

ROMY
I have to go.

When her lips almost touch his, he pulls back. Her breathing
sounds loud. They stand like that for a while, until she
can’t control herself any longer. Suddenly, she kisses him.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 27.


Surprised by her warm lips, her hungry, open mouth, Samuel
freezes, then heat spreads through his body, and he thaws. He
kisses her back. Long. Until she stops. They are both
confused by what just happened.

ROMY (CONT’D)
(embarrassed)
I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done
that.

SAMUEL
(kind)
It’s ok. It’s fine.

ROMY
It’s not ok. I am so sorry.

SAMUEL
It’s ok-

He smiles. Slowly realizing what she has done, she stares at
him, petrified. She forces a smile on her face and changes
her tone.

ROMY
Great! Ok! Thank you!

He looks at her with warm eyes.

SAMUEL
Thank you.

She leaves.

Pre-lap: A LOUD SCREAM.

NORA
Moooooooooooommmm! Mom!
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary As the sun rises over New York City, Romy meets Samuel in a stark, windowless basement meeting room. Initially guarded and curt, Romy reveals her ambition to revolutionize the global supply chain through automation. Samuel's probing questions lead to a moment of tension when he comments on her personality, resulting in an unexpected kiss initiated by Romy. Confused and embarrassed, Romy quickly leaves, while Samuel is left to grapple with the weight of their encounter.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Intimate moment
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates tension and intimacy between the characters, leading to a surprising and impactful moment. The awkwardness and confusion portrayed by the characters add depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an unexpected encounter between Romy and Samuel, leading to a kiss, is engaging and adds depth to their relationship dynamics.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the tension and intimacy between Romy and Samuel, leading to a significant moment of character development. The unexpected kiss adds complexity to their relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to character dynamics, nuanced dialogue, and unexpected plot developments. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, desires, and conflicts. The interaction between them adds layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel experience a significant change in their dynamic and emotions during the scene, especially after the unexpected kiss.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert her independence, intelligence, and ambition in the face of skepticism and condescension. She wants to prove her worth and capabilities to the other character.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to discuss her business idea and potentially secure support or investment from the other character. She aims to convey her vision and passion for changing the global supply chain.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of internal conflict for both Romy and Samuel, as they grapple with their emotions and the unexpected kiss.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, power dynamics, and emotional barriers between the characters. The audience is unsure of how the interaction will unfold, adding to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of emotional vulnerability and potential consequences for Romy and Samuel after the unexpected kiss.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Romy and Samuel, introducing new conflicts and desires.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected romantic tension between the characters, the shifting power dynamics, and the surprising kiss at the end. The audience is kept on their toes by the unpredictable developments.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between traditional corporate values and innovative, disruptive ideas. The protagonist challenges the status quo and questions the other character's assumptions about power and success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the tension, intimacy, and vulnerability displayed by Romy and Samuel. The unexpected kiss adds a layer of complexity and emotion to the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, intimacy, and awkwardness between Romy and Samuel. The exchange of words builds up to the surprising kiss.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional dynamics, subtle character motivations, and unexpected plot twists. The audience is drawn into the complex relationship between the characters and their conflicting goals.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of emotions and revelations. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions adds to the overall impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a traditional format for character-driven dialogue scenes, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension between Romy and Samuel, showcasing their complex dynamic. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when Romy recounts her past. This could be streamlined to maintain the flow and keep the audience engaged without feeling like they are being lectured.
  • Romy's character is portrayed as both powerful and vulnerable, which is compelling. However, her abrupt shift from defensive to intimate with Samuel could benefit from more gradual development. The kiss feels sudden and may leave the audience wanting more context for this emotional pivot.
  • The use of the setting—a windowless basement room—adds to the tension and isolation of the characters. However, the dialogue could incorporate more sensory details about the environment to enhance the atmosphere. For example, describing the coldness of the room or the echo of their voices could deepen the emotional impact.
  • Samuel's character is intriguing, but his motivations could be clearer. While he expresses interest in Romy's story, his sudden comment about her liking to be told what to do feels out of place without sufficient buildup. This moment could be more impactful if it were foreshadowed earlier in their conversation.
  • The ending of the scene, with Romy leaving in embarrassment, is effective in conveying her internal conflict. However, it might be beneficial to explore her thoughts or feelings in a brief internal monologue or visual cue to give the audience insight into her emotional state as she exits.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening Romy's backstory to avoid lengthy exposition. Instead of detailing her entire career path, focus on key moments that reveal her character and motivations more succinctly.
  • Introduce more physicality in the scene to enhance the tension. For example, have Romy fidget or pace as she speaks, which could visually represent her nervousness and internal conflict.
  • Add sensory details to the setting to create a more immersive experience. Describe the sounds, smells, or temperature of the basement room to enhance the mood.
  • Foreshadow Samuel's comment about power dynamics earlier in the dialogue to make it feel more organic. Perhaps he could ask a question that hints at his perception of Romy's character before making the bold statement.
  • Incorporate a brief moment of reflection for Romy after the kiss, allowing the audience to connect with her emotional turmoil before she exits. This could be a visual cue, like a close-up of her face showing confusion or regret.



Scene 21 - Whispers in the Night
EXT. UPSTATE HOUSE - DAY

From high in the sky, the camera slowly moves in on the
perfect family (Romy, Jacob, Isabel and Nora). They walk
towards their perfect family home. The lights are on inside,
lit up like a doll’s house.


INT. UPSTATE HOUSE BEDROOM- NIGHT

Romy and Jacob are sleeping. Her phone buzzes. Romy wakes up.
She doesn't recognize the number. She hears a sound. She
looks at Jacob, who is still sleeping. Anxious, she gets out
of bed. She walks up to the window.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 28.


To her surprise, she sees Isabel in the pool with A GIRL
(OPHELIA, 17). Steam comes off of the heated water. It’s a
magical image. They kiss. Romy wants to go downstairs but
instead she just watches, entranced. She looks back at her
phone.


IN. UPSTATE HOUSE BEDROOM- EARLY MORNING

The family sleeps together in a huge bed. Nora cuddles a
teddy bear. Peaceful. Isabel, at the foot of the bed, in her
bathing suit and pajama pants.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In a seemingly perfect family setting, Romy is awakened by a sound and discovers her sister Isabel sharing an intimate moment with a girl named Ophelia in the pool. Captivated yet anxious, Romy chooses to observe rather than intervene. The scene transitions to a peaceful morning, highlighting the family's tranquility as they sleep together, hinting at underlying tensions and unresolved feelings.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of family dynamics
  • Emotional depth and tension
  • Intriguing character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in certain character motivations or dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and complexity within the family dynamic, setting up intriguing storylines and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the facade of a perfect family and delving into their vulnerabilities is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the revelation of family secrets and tensions, setting the stage for future conflicts and character growth.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar theme of family betrayal but approaches it in a fresh and visually striking way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative, making it feel original and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with hints of hidden depths and conflicting emotions that add layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

The scene hints at potential character growth and transformation, particularly in relation to the family dynamics and secrets revealed.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and come to terms with the betrayal she witnesses. This reflects her deeper need for security, trust, and emotional connection within her family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to confront the betrayal she witnesses and decide how to address the situation with her family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict within the family is subtly hinted at, creating intrigue and setting the stage for future confrontations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with a difficult moral dilemma and emotional conflict. The audience is left uncertain about how she will navigate the situation and what consequences her actions will have, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised in terms of family relationships and the potential unraveling of the perfect facade, adding tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts and tensions within the family, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts the initial expectation of a perfect family setting by revealing a shocking betrayal. The unexpected nature of the protagonist's discovery adds a layer of complexity and intrigue to the narrative, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's belief in family unity and trust, and the reality of betrayal and deception within her own family. This challenges her values and worldview, forcing her to confront the imperfections and complexities of human relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to enchantment to embarrassment, drawing the audience into the characters' inner worlds.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the underlying tensions and emotions within the family, setting the tone for future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a compelling conflict and emotional dilemma for the protagonist, drawing the reader into her internal struggle and external challenges. The vivid imagery and descriptive language create a sense of immediacy and tension that keeps the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of revelation. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional impact of the protagonist's discovery, creating a sense of urgency and drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. The visual elements are well-crafted, enhancing the reader's understanding and immersion in the story.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic reveal that propels the narrative forward. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by creating a sense of anticipation and emotional intensity.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the idyllic family image with Romy's internal conflict and anxiety, which is a strong thematic element. However, the transition from the aerial view of the family to Romy's anxious state could be more fluid. The juxtap of the perfect family and Romy's hidden turmoil is compelling, but the scene could benefit from a clearer emotional arc for Romy as she witnesses Isabel's kiss.
  • The use of the phone buzzing as a narrative device is effective in creating tension and foreshadowing Romy's anxiety. However, the scene could delve deeper into Romy's emotional response to the phone call. What is she feeling? Is it fear, curiosity, or something else? This could enhance the audience's connection to her character.
  • The magical imagery of Isabel and Ophelia kissing in the pool is visually striking, but it lacks a deeper exploration of Romy's thoughts and feelings during this moment. Instead of just being entranced, what memories or fears does this evoke for Romy? Adding internal monologue or visual flashbacks could enrich this moment.
  • The scene ends with a peaceful image of the family sleeping together, which contrasts sharply with Romy's earlier anxiety. While this contrast is effective, it may leave the audience wanting more resolution or insight into Romy's emotional state. A brief reflection or a lingering shot on Romy's face could provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Romy as she watches Isabel and Ophelia. This could provide insight into her feelings about her daughter's burgeoning sexuality and her own insecurities as a mother.
  • Enhance the transition between the aerial view and Romy's anxious state by incorporating sound design, such as the fading of the family laughter or music, to emphasize her isolation and internal conflict.
  • Explore Romy's emotional response to the phone call more deeply. Perhaps she hesitates before answering, reflecting her anxiety about the unknown caller, which could heighten the tension.
  • Incorporate a visual cue or a close-up shot of Romy's face as she watches Isabel and Ophelia, capturing a mix of emotions—pride, fear, confusion—that could resonate with the audience.
  • Consider ending the scene with a lingering shot on Romy's face or a close-up of her phone, suggesting her internal struggle and leaving the audience with a sense of anticipation for what comes next.



Scene 22 - Clearing the Waters
EXT. UPSTATE HOUSE SWIMMING POOL- DAY

With a net Romy tries to fish a small dead skunk out of the
pool. Isabel comes to help her, trying to connect to Romy.
They manage to hoist the dead animal onto the edge.

ROMY
Do you like the girl from next
door? How old is she, 17?

Surprised Isabel looks up.

ISABEL
(blushing)
What do you mean?

ROMY
I thought you were in love with-
Mary?

Isabel studies her face. She notices her mother’s
vulnerability.

ISABEL
(patiently explaining)
I am in love with Mary -I’m just
having fun with Ophelia.

Romy looks at her daughter, a bit confused.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary At their upstate house's swimming pool, Romy and Isabel work together to fish a dead skunk out of the water. As they tackle this unpleasant task, Romy questions Isabel about her feelings for a girl next door, leading to a revealing conversation. Isabel admits her love for Mary while also enjoying her time with Ophelia, showcasing the complexity of her emotions. This moment of vulnerability fosters a deeper connection between mother and daughter, despite Romy's lingering confusion about Isabel's romantic interests.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Vulnerability portrayed effectively
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively explores the complex dynamics between Romy and Isabel, delving into themes of love and acceptance. The vulnerability displayed by both characters adds depth to their relationship, making the scene emotionally impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the mother-daughter relationship in a moment of vulnerability and acceptance is well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the emotions and themes it sets out to explore.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the overall plot, it adds depth to the characters of Romy and Isabel and provides insight into their relationship dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on family relationships and teenage romance, with authentic character interactions and unexpected revelations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Isabel are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities and complexities. The dialogue and interactions between them reveal layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Isabel experience a moment of vulnerability and acceptance, leading to a subtle change in their relationship dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to connect with her daughter and understand her feelings and relationships. This reflects her deeper need for emotional connection and validation from her child.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to remove the dead skunk from the pool, reflecting the immediate challenge of dealing with unpleasant situations and maintaining the household.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The scene lacks significant conflict, focusing more on emotional depth and character dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the characters' conflicting views on love and relationships, creating tension and uncertainty about their future interactions.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on emotional depth and character development.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it adds depth to the characters of Romy and Isabel, providing insight into their emotional journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about the characters' relationships and feelings, keeping the audience intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is evident in the differing views on love and relationships between the mother and daughter. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about traditional values and modern attitudes towards romance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the vulnerability and acceptance displayed by the characters. The audience is likely to empathize with the emotional journey of Romy and Isabel.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Romy and Isabel effectively conveys their emotions and the underlying themes of love and acceptance. It captures the essence of their relationship dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, drama, and emotional depth, drawing the audience into the characters' lives and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, adhering to standard screenplay conventions for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of action and dialogue, maintaining a balance between character development and plot progression.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses the dead skunk as a metaphor for the uncomfortable and messy aspects of family dynamics and relationships. This visual element sets a tone of awkwardness that complements the conversation between Romy and Isabel.
  • Romy's question about Isabel's feelings for the girl next door introduces a layer of complexity to their relationship, showcasing Romy's attempt to connect with her daughter. However, the dialogue feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition into the topic of Isabel's romantic interests.
  • Isabel's response reveals her maturity and understanding of her own feelings, which contrasts with Romy's vulnerability. This dynamic is well-executed, but the scene could delve deeper into Romy's emotional state, perhaps by incorporating more internal monologue or physical reactions to Isabel's revelations.
  • The pacing of the scene is slightly uneven. The initial focus on the dead skunk creates a strong visual, but the subsequent dialogue could be more engaging. The conversation feels a bit rushed, and allowing for more pauses or reactions could enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The scene ends on a note of confusion for Romy, which is effective in portraying her struggle to understand her daughter's feelings. However, it might be beneficial to provide a clearer emotional takeaway for Romy, perhaps through a reflective moment after Isabel's explanation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a physical reaction from Romy after Isabel's explanation to emphasize her confusion and vulnerability. This could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue by incorporating more subtext. For example, Romy could express her concerns about Isabel's relationships in a more indirect way, allowing for a richer conversation that reveals both characters' feelings.
  • Explore Romy's internal thoughts during the scene to provide insight into her emotional state. This could be done through voiceover or by showing her facial expressions and body language more vividly.
  • Slow down the pacing of the dialogue to allow for more natural exchanges. This could involve adding small talk or playful banter before diving into the more serious topic of Isabel's romantic interests.
  • Consider concluding the scene with a visual cue that reflects Romy's emotional journey, such as her gaze lingering on the pool or the dead skunk, symbolizing her struggle to navigate her daughter's growing independence.



Scene 23 - Tension in the Lobby
INT. OFFICE BUILDING MEETING ROOM/ BULLPEN -DAY

Full screen: a video on proper conduct in the workplace.
Samuel and some other interns make notes. Through the glass
wall, he sees Romy speaking to her team next to a big monitor
that plays a video of the warehouses. Esme stands next to
her. Romy seems angry. He studies her dominant body language
and facial expressions. He watches her as she puts on her
coat and leaves. Samuel gets up.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 29.


INT./ EXT. OFFICE BUILDING LOBBY TO PLAZA- DAY

Romy walks out of the office, Samuel comes running after her.

SAMUEL
(polite)
Hey! Wait! Sorry- Can I ask you
something?

Romy keeps walking.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Why didn’t you respond?

ROMY
To what?

She increases her speed but he keeps walking next to her.
Christmas lights everywhere.

SAMUEL
They said we are supposed to meet
weekly, but you didn't answer the
email. They sent an email.

ROMY
I have to go- I have an
appointment.

He stands in front of her. Nervous, she looks around to see
if anyone is watching them.

SAMUEL
(patiently explaining)
It’s very easy. The email has a
link. You just click on a date and
a time for the second appointment-
It will pop up in your calendar-

ROMY
I have to go.

But she doesn’t move. He tilts his head, he takes a step
towards her. He shifts his tone.

SAMUEL
Listen, if you don’t want to be my
mentor, I totally understand.
(he smiles)
I’ll ask someone else, but I do
want one. They say it makes a huge
difference. There’s lots of other
people I can ask, so-
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 30.


ROMY
Are you done?

SAMUEL
With?

She brings her face close to his.

ROMY
(whispers)
Do you understand that your
behavior is totally out of line?

SAMUEL
Is it?

Their bodies are close, she looks at him. They take each
other in. She can smell him. The tension is building, their
faces are just inches apart. She wants to leave but she can’t
bring herself to walk away from him.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
We are supposed to meet once a
week, that’s how it works. I didn’t
make the rules.

People are walking past them. With big eyes she looks at him.
She smiles.

ROMY
Ok. Yes. I’ll think about it.

She turns around and walks away. Her cheeks are red. The
streets of New York are busy. The loud sounds of the city
overwhelm her. Her head is spinning. She looks up.

PRE-LAB:

BANG! BANG!
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a bustling office building, Samuel pursues Romy after a workplace conduct video, eager to discuss their mentorship. Despite her initial anger and reluctance, he persists, leading to a charged confrontation where Romy whispers that his behavior is inappropriate. Ultimately, she agrees to consider mentoring him, leaving their relationship in a state of uncertainty as she walks away, visibly flustered.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional tension
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Well-executed dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable outcome
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and emotion through the interactions between Romy and Samuel, creating a compelling dynamic that leaves the audience intrigued and wanting more.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the unspoken tension between Romy and Samuel in the context of a potential mentorship relationship is engaging and adds depth to both characters.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the development of the relationship between Romy and Samuel, moving the story forward by introducing a new dynamic that has the potential to impact future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on workplace mentorship and explores the complexities of professional relationships with authenticity and depth. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed in this scene, with their interactions revealing layers of complexity and emotion. The audience gains insight into their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel experience subtle changes in their dynamic throughout the scene, with their interactions revealing new layers of their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Samuel's internal goal is to establish a mentorship relationship with Romy, reflecting his desire for guidance and support in his career development.

External Goal: 7.5

Samuel's external goal is to ensure regular meetings with Romy as part of their mentorship agreement, reflecting his commitment to professional growth and learning.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the emotional tension between Romy and Samuel as they navigate their potential mentorship relationship.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Romy challenging Samuel's behavior and questioning his understanding of professional boundaries. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their interaction, adding to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as Romy and Samuel navigate a potential mentorship relationship that could have significant implications for both characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a new dynamic between Romy and Samuel, setting the stage for future developments in their relationship and potential mentorship.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and emotional intensity between Samuel and Romy. The audience is kept on edge as they navigate their complex relationship and conflicting goals.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around power dynamics and boundaries in professional relationships. Romy challenges Samuel's behavior and questions his understanding of appropriate conduct, highlighting conflicting values and perspectives on mentorship.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the intense and intimate interaction between Romy and Samuel. The emotional tension is palpable and leaves a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and emotion between Romy and Samuel, adding depth to their interactions and revealing subtle nuances in their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its compelling character dynamics, emotional depth, and subtle tension. The interactions between Samuel and Romy keep the audience invested in their relationship and the outcome of their conversation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the evolving dynamics between Samuel and Romy. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to industry standards and effectively conveys the visual and emotional elements of the story. The use of scene descriptions and dialogue enhances the reader's understanding of the characters and their motivations.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character motivations and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness by building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension between Romy and Samuel, showcasing their complicated dynamic. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. Currently, the exchanges feel somewhat straightforward, and adding layers of meaning could deepen the audience's engagement.
  • Romy's anger and reluctance to engage with Samuel are clear, but the transition from her anger to a moment of vulnerability feels abrupt. More gradual development of her internal conflict could make her eventual agreement to consider mentoring him more impactful.
  • The setting of the busy New York streets contrasts well with the intimate moment between Romy and Samuel, but the scene could use more sensory details to immerse the audience in the environment. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights of the city could enhance the atmosphere and reflect Romy's emotional state.
  • The use of physical proximity between Romy and Samuel is effective in conveying tension, but the scene could explore their body language more. For instance, subtle gestures or movements could reveal their emotional states without relying solely on dialogue.
  • The ending, where Romy walks away with red cheeks, is a strong visual cue of her flustered state. However, it could be enhanced by showing her internal thoughts or feelings in a brief voiceover or inner monologue, providing insight into her confusion and attraction.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to create tension and depth. For example, have Samuel hint at his feelings or admiration for Romy without stating it outright, allowing the audience to infer the emotional stakes.
  • Develop Romy's internal conflict further by adding moments of hesitation or reflection before she agrees to consider mentoring Samuel. This could involve her recalling past experiences or fears related to mentorship.
  • Enhance the sensory details of the setting by describing the bustling atmosphere of New York City, including sounds, smells, and visual elements that reflect Romy's emotional turmoil.
  • Explore body language more thoroughly to convey the characters' emotions. Small gestures, such as fidgeting or avoiding eye contact, can add layers to their interaction and reveal their inner thoughts.
  • Consider adding a brief inner monologue or voiceover for Romy at the end of the scene to provide insight into her feelings of confusion and attraction, making her emotional state more relatable to the audience.



Scene 24 - Rehearsal Tensions
INT. THEATER- DAY

BANG! Loud shots are fired straight at the camera.

HEDDA (SCARLETT)
(loud, with joy)
This is what comes of sneaking in
by the back-way!

HEDDA (SCARLETT, 32) holds a pistol and fires again.

BRACK (STEPHEN)
Are you out of your senses?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 31.


From behind the audience seats, judge BRACK is making his way
to the stage. Romy walks in, trying to be invisible. For a
moment Scarlett (Hedda) looks at Romy. Behind Scarlett we see
on a huge video wall, Scarlett's face.

HEDDA
(laughing)
Dear me, did I happen to hit you?

Brack climbs onto the stage, and aggressively takes the
pistol from her hand. Before she can speak, he points it at
her forehead. Scarlett leans into the gun. Romy stands in the
back. She holds her breath. She sees herself in Hedda.

BRACK
I wish you would leave these pranks
alone.

Quietly, Romy takes a seat behind her husband who is
rehearsing. Next to him two assistants and their laptops.
Surprised, and a bit taken aback, Jacob turns around.

JACOB
(whispers)
What are you doing here?

BRACK
You’re not really happy. That’s the
bottom of it.

On stage, the actors stop.

SCARLETT
(To Stephen. Not realizing
her mic is still on)
What’s going on?

The mics are muted.

ROMY
(whispers to Jacob)
Watching you in your natural
habitat.

JACOB
The last time you did that was in
1997 when you thought I was having
an affair with a light technician.

Romy laughs. He looks at her red cheeks.

JACOB (CONT’D)
You don’t have to be at work?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 32.


She smiles. Jacob gets up to give directions. Romy briefly
grabs his hand. She looks at him full of admiration, before
he runs towards the stage. Fascinated, Romy watches Jacob.
Seeing him work reminds her how much she loves him.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a theater during rehearsal, Hedda joyfully fires a pistol, prompting Brack to confront her and assert control by pointing the gun at her forehead. Romy observes the scene, feeling a connection to Hedda while reflecting on her past with Jacob, who is rehearsing nearby. Their playful banter reveals unresolved feelings, as Romy admires Jacob's direction, rekindling her affection for him amidst the tension of the moment.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Moderate conflict level
  • Lack of significant character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures a range of emotions and tensions, providing insight into Romy's character and her relationship with Jacob. The mix of tension, admiration, surprise, and humor adds depth to the scene, making it engaging and memorable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on a theater rehearsal and the dynamics between Romy and Jacob, is engaging and adds depth to the characters. The use of the play 'Hedda Gabler' as a backdrop for exploring Romy's internal conflict is a clever concept that enhances the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the tension between Romy and Jacob during the theater rehearsal, providing insight into their relationship and Romy's internal conflict. The plot progression is effective in moving the story forward and adding layers to the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements like the theater setting and the mix of modern and traditional technology. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Jacob are well-developed in the scene, with their dynamics and personalities shining through in their interactions. Romy's admiration for Jacob, her internal conflict, and their playful banter add depth to their characters and make them engaging to watch.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, it does provide insight into Romy's internal conflict and her admiration for Jacob, hinting at potential character growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to feel validated and loved by her husband, as seen through Romy's admiration for Jacob and her desire to support him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the tense situation with Scarlett and Brack in the theater without causing further conflict.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene has a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from the tension between Romy and Jacob during the theater rehearsal. The conflict adds depth to their relationship and drives the emotional dynamics of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and motivations driving the characters' actions.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are moderate, primarily revolving around the tension between Romy and Jacob during the theater rehearsal. While the stakes are not life-threatening, they add depth to the character dynamics and emotional impact of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing more about Romy's character, her relationship with Jacob, and her internal conflict. It sets up potential conflicts and developments for future scenes, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its mix of humor and drama, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of performance and authenticity, as Romy watches Jacob work and reflects on their relationship.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, admiration, surprise, and humor. The exploration of Romy's internal conflict and her reflection in the character of Hedda adds depth to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, engaging, and effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between the characters. The banter between Romy and Jacob is humorous and revealing, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of drama, humor, and tension, keeping the audience invested in the characters' actions and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses the theatrical setting to create a sense of tension and drama, mirroring Romy's internal struggles. The juxtaposition of the chaotic stage with Romy's quiet observation enhances the emotional stakes.
  • Romy's connection to Scarlett (Hedda) is a strong thematic element, but it could be further developed. The moment where Romy sees herself in Hedda is powerful, yet it feels somewhat rushed. Expanding on this moment could deepen the audience's understanding of Romy's character and her emotional state.
  • The dialogue between Romy and Jacob is light and playful, which contrasts nicely with the tension on stage. However, Jacob's line about the last time Romy watched him feels slightly out of place. It could benefit from a more seamless integration into the scene's overall tone.
  • The use of the video wall showing Scarlett's face is a clever visual device, but it could be more explicitly tied to Romy's feelings. Perhaps a brief moment where Romy reflects on the image could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the chaotic stage to Romy's quiet admiration of Jacob could be smoother. A moment of silence or a close-up on Romy's face could help emphasize her emotional shift.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding the moment where Romy sees herself in Hedda. This could involve a brief internal monologue or a flashback that highlights her insecurities or desires, making the connection more poignant.
  • Revise Jacob's dialogue to better fit the scene's tone. Perhaps he could express concern or curiosity about Romy's presence in a way that feels more natural and less like a throwaway line.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more close-ups of Romy's reactions to the stage events. This could help convey her emotional journey more effectively.
  • Explore the use of sound design to heighten the contrast between the chaos on stage and Romy's quiet observation. Subtle background music or sound effects could enhance the emotional atmosphere.
  • Consider adding a moment where Romy reflects on her feelings for Jacob as she watches him work. This could be a brief internal thought that ties back to her earlier struggles, reinforcing her character arc.



Scene 25 - Jealousy in the Spotlight
INT. LUXURIOUS BAR MIDTOWN- NIGHT

A bar filled with loud business men in suits. Romy walks in
with Hazel, Tom and Robert. They pass a group of interns and
young employees. Samuel looks at Romy as she walks by. Romy
ignores him. Surprised to see Romy entering the bar, Esme
jumps up. The young people around Esme start to whisper in
each others ears when they notice Romy. Romy and her team
take a seat at a table in the back. Esme comes over.

ESME
(A bit tipsy)
You finally came! We’ve been
begging her to get a drink with us
for over a year!

Everyone laughs. Esme sits down next to Hazel.

ESME (CONT’D)
You know what we should focus on
way more? Recruiting women.
Especially young female engineers-

HAZEL
Oh, trust me, we are.

Samuel watches Romy from the bar.

ESME
I know, but wouldn't it be cool to
offer, like, a special support
program within the company for
young female employees? So they can
find their way to the top easier?

ROMY
(to Hazel)
Listen to her!

HAZEL
We would love to sit down and
discuss that with you.

ESME
You would?

Proud, Esme looks at Romy. Charmed by Esme’s drunken
enthusiasm, Romy smiles at her.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 33.


ROMY
(to Esme)
See?

Robert walks over with a tray full of drinks. Esme gets up.
From a distance Romy watches Samuel, he is telling a joke,
dancing strangely. When Esme rejoins them, she stands close
to him and touches his arm. Briefly Samuel’s hand rests on
Esme’s back. A wave of jealousy rushes through Romy’s body.
Suddenly, the waiter puts a glass of milk down in front of
Romy, snapping her out of her haze. The men and women at her
table laugh and look around, to see who ordered it, but it’s
unclear.

ROMY (CONT’D)
Did you order this?

TOM
No...

Romy makes eye contact with Samuel, who watches her from the
bar. She reaches for the glass.

HAZEL
(whispers)
Are you gonna drink that? Don’t
drink that-

Slowly, Romy drinks the entire glass of milk while making eye
contact with Samuel. Some business men behind her start
laughing.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a luxurious Midtown bar, Romy and her colleagues engage in a lively discussion about recruiting young female engineers, led by the enthusiastic Esme. As Romy feels a pang of jealousy watching Samuel interact with Esme, she unexpectedly drinks a glass of milk delivered by a waiter, despite Hazel's warning. The moment becomes a source of laughter among the business professionals around them, highlighting the tension between Romy's feelings and the vibrant atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of jealousy and workplace dynamics
  • Humorous elements with the glass of milk
  • Strong character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Moderate level of conflict
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of jealousy, workplace dynamics, and humor, creating an engaging and relatable moment. The use of the milk as a prop adds a quirky and memorable touch to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring jealousy and workplace dynamics in a bar setting is engaging and relatable. The addition of the glass of milk as a unique element adds depth to the scene and creates a memorable moment.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the interactions between the characters, particularly focusing on Romy's feelings of jealousy and Esme's enthusiasm. The introduction of conflict and humor drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on workplace dynamics and gender diversity, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with Romy's jealousy and Esme's enthusiasm shining through in their interactions. The dynamic between the characters adds depth to the scene and enhances the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 7

Romy experiences a moment of jealousy in the scene, which adds complexity to her character and hints at potential growth or conflict in future interactions. Esme's enthusiasm also showcases a different side of her character.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to navigate her feelings of jealousy and maintain her composure in front of her colleagues and Samuel.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to engage in a professional conversation with Esme about recruiting women and supporting young female employees within the company.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene has a moderate level of conflict, primarily driven by Romy's feelings of jealousy and the dynamics between the characters. The tension adds depth to the scene and keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with Romy facing internal and external challenges related to jealousy and professional interactions.

High Stakes: 6

While the scene involves elements of jealousy and workplace dynamics, the stakes are relatively low in this particular moment. However, the emotional impact and character interactions set the stage for potential higher stakes in future scenes.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new dynamics between the characters, particularly Romy and Esme. The conflict and emotions in the scene set the stage for future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and dialogue, but the subtle moments of jealousy add an element of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of gender diversity and support for women in the workplace. It challenges traditional gender roles and highlights the importance of creating opportunities for young female employees.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, particularly in conveying Romy's jealousy and Esme's enthusiasm. The mix of emotions, from jealousy to humor, resonates with the audience and creates a memorable moment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters, particularly highlighting Romy's jealousy and Esme's enthusiasm. The interactions feel natural and engaging, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the tension between characters, the exploration of gender diversity themes, and the subtle hints of jealousy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment with Romy drinking the glass of milk.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay set in a bar location.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical format for a character-driven dialogue scene in a drama genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a social atmosphere in the bar, showcasing the dynamics between Romy, her colleagues, and the interns. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension between Romy and Samuel. Currently, the jealousy Romy feels is stated rather than shown, which could be more impactful if conveyed through her body language or internal thoughts.
  • Esme's enthusiasm is a strong point in the scene, providing a contrast to Romy's more reserved demeanor. However, the transition from Esme's excitement about recruiting women to Romy's jealousy feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the scene and deepen the emotional stakes.
  • The introduction of the glass of milk serves as a humorous moment but lacks a clear thematic connection to the scene's emotional undercurrents. It could be more effective if it symbolized something relevant to Romy's internal struggle or her relationship with Samuel, rather than just being a random comedic element.
  • Romy's internal conflict regarding her feelings for Samuel and her professional responsibilities is hinted at but could be explored more deeply. The scene could benefit from a moment where Romy reflects on her feelings, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that highlights her emotional state.
  • The ending, where Romy drinks the milk while maintaining eye contact with Samuel, is visually striking but could be enhanced by adding a reaction shot from Samuel. This would provide insight into his feelings and create a more dynamic interaction between them.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to convey Romy's jealousy and internal conflict without explicitly stating it. This could involve her reacting to Esme's excitement or Samuel's behavior in a more nuanced way.
  • Consider adding a moment where Romy reflects on her feelings for Samuel, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that highlights her emotional turmoil.
  • Enhance the transition between Esme's enthusiasm and Romy's jealousy by including a moment where Romy reacts to Esme's ideas, showing her pride but also her discomfort with the attention Samuel is giving Esme.
  • Make the glass of milk more thematically relevant by tying it to Romy's internal struggle or her relationship with Samuel. For example, it could symbolize her innocence or a desire to reclaim a sense of normalcy amidst her chaotic emotions.
  • Add a reaction shot from Samuel after Romy drinks the milk to provide insight into his feelings and create a more dynamic interaction between them, enhancing the tension in the scene.



Scene 26 - Echoes of Despair
INT. LUXURIOUS BAR MIDTOWN- NIGHT

LATER- The bar is totally empty. Romy pays the bill. The
group of interns, including Esme, have left. Suddenly Samuel
walks out of the men’s room. He doesn’t look at Romy but when
he walks past her he whispers in her ear.

SAMUEL
Good girl.

Romy freezes. He keeps on walking to the exit.


INT. OFFICE BUILDING ROMY'S OFFICE- NIGHT

Romy is running late. Laying on the floor, she tries to get
into a huge, beautiful blue dress. She squirms like a snake
shedding its skin. We hear the final scene of Jacob’s Hedda
Gabler.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 34.


HEDDA O.S.
(scared)
And what will I do in the evenings?

TESMAN O.S.
Oh I’m sure judge Brack will be
more than happy to keep you
company.

BRACK O.S.
Absolutely dear Hedda! We will have
a ball!

HEDDA O.S.
(emotional)
Oh yes you would love that,
wouldn't you judge Brack?
(screams)
To be the only cock in my run?

A loud shot is fired. Hedda kills herself. A scream.

BRACK O.S.
Who does such a thing?

Applause.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In an empty luxurious bar, Romy is left stunned after Samuel whispers 'Good girl' to her, leaving her in shock. The scene shifts to her office, where she struggles to put on a large blue dress while the final moments of Jacob’s Hedda Gabler play in the background. The climax of the play, marked by a gunshot symbolizing Hedda's suicide, parallels Romy's internal turmoil, culminating in a haunting atmosphere as applause follows the dramatic event.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-filled interaction
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Relatively short scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and vulnerability between Romy and Samuel, creating an emotional and intriguing moment that leaves the audience wanting more.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the tension and vulnerability between Romy and Samuel in a quiet, intimate moment is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the unexpected interaction between Romy and Samuel, adding depth to their relationship and moving the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and explores complex emotions, adding authenticity to the dialogue and actions.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed in this scene, with their emotions and motivations effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel experience a shift in their dynamic during the scene, leading to a moment of unexpected connection.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a complex social situation with Samuel, which reflects her desire for validation and approval.

External Goal: 6

Romy's external goal in this scene is to get ready for an event, which reflects her immediate circumstances and challenges.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the emotional tension between Romy and Samuel.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds complexity and conflict, creating uncertainty and driving the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are emotional in nature, focusing on the potential impact of the growing connection between Romy and Samuel.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Romy and Samuel, adding complexity to their characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between characters and the emotional depth of the dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between societal expectations and personal desires. Romy's interactions with Samuel challenge her beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the tension and vulnerability between Romy and Samuel.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and vulnerability between Romy and Samuel, adding depth to their interaction.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to its intense dialogue and emotional stakes, keeping the audience invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, enhancing the emotional impact of the dialogue and actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and visual impact.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure and pacing, effectively building tension and drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of tension and emotional complexity between Romy and Samuel, particularly with Samuel's whisper, 'Good girl.' This line is provocative and suggests a power dynamic that could be explored further. However, the impact of this moment could be heightened by providing more context about Romy's internal reaction to Samuel's words, which currently feels somewhat underdeveloped.
  • The transition from the bar to Romy's office is visually interesting, but the connection between the two settings could be strengthened. The juxtap of Romy in a luxurious bar and then struggling with a dress on the floor creates a stark contrast, yet it may benefit from a clearer thematic link. What does this transition signify for Romy emotionally? Is she feeling trapped, exposed, or conflicted? Exploring these emotions could deepen the audience's understanding of her character.
  • The dialogue from 'Hedda Gabler' serves as a powerful backdrop, reflecting Romy's own struggles with identity and societal expectations. However, the connection between the play's themes and Romy's situation could be made more explicit. For instance, drawing parallels between Hedda's desperation and Romy's current emotional state could enhance the scene's resonance.
  • The use of sound, particularly the applause following Hedda's suicide, is a strong choice that adds to the emotional weight of the scene. However, the transition from applause to Romy's physical struggle with the dress could be smoother. Consider using sound design to bridge these moments, perhaps by fading the applause into the sound of Romy's heavy breathing or the rustling of the dress, emphasizing her anxiety.
  • Romy's physical struggle to put on the dress is a vivid image, but it could be more symbolic. What does the dress represent for her? Is it a facade, a burden, or a desire to conform? Adding a layer of symbolism could enrich the scene and provide insight into Romy's character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or visual cue that illustrates Romy's emotional response to Samuel's whisper. This could help the audience connect with her character on a deeper level.
  • Enhance the thematic connection between the bar and Romy's office by incorporating more visual or auditory elements that reflect her internal conflict. For example, using lighting changes or sound motifs could create a more cohesive emotional journey.
  • Explore the parallels between Romy's situation and the themes of 'Hedda Gabler' more explicitly. Perhaps include a moment where Romy reflects on Hedda's choices or expresses a desire to escape her own circumstances.
  • Smooth the transition between the applause and Romy's struggle with the dress by incorporating sound design that emphasizes her anxiety. This could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Clarify the symbolism of the dress in Romy's struggle. Consider adding a line of dialogue or a visual metaphor that encapsulates what the dress represents for her, enhancing the emotional depth of the scene.



Scene 27 - Between the Spotlight and Duty
INT. THEATRE- OPENING NIGHT

The curtains are closed. The last few people walk out. An
usher picks up playbills. Romy sits alone in her dress,
staring at the empty stage. She looks around, unsure where
to go.


INT. THEATRE BACKSTAGE STAIRCASE/HALLWAY- NIGHT

Romy walks down a staircase, looking for the dressing room.
An actor with a wig in her hand runs by her, laughing.


INT. THEATRE SCARLETT’S DRESSING ROOM- NIGHT

People are crammed in the small dressing room. Romy walks in.
Everyone is drinking, sweating and raving about the show.
Adrenaline is high. Her phone buzzes. An older actor, Stephen
(the actor who plays BRACK) is imitating a robot. “Bleep,
bleep!” Romy observes Jacob.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 35.


His almost childlike, happy face makes her smile. Stephen
embraces Romy. Her phone keeps buzzing.

ROMY
(to Stephen)
You were wonderful!

Distracted, Romy looks at her phone.

STEPHEN
Do you have phone addiction? It’s a
serious issue-

She looks straight into his eyes.

ROMY
No, Stephen, I have a job.

She takes his glass of champagne and finishes it.

STEPHEN
I thought you didn’t drink-

She walks over to Jacob who is talking to Scarlett.

ROMY
(genuine)
It was wonderful, just wonderful!
(to Scarlett)
You were amazing- you made me cry.
(whispers in his ear)
I have to go. Work emergency.

He grabs her.

JACOB ROMY (CONT’D)
No. Sorry.

JACOB (CONT’D)
(whispers in her ear)
It’s the one night I need you by my
side.

ROMY JACOB (CONT’D)
I know. I’m so sorry. It’s Come on. You can’t go.
just there is so much
pressure now-

Curious, Scarlett looks at Romy.

SCARLETT
How are you?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 36.


ROMY
I’m sorry. I have to go-

Other people start to notice the tension between the couple.
Romy starts to leave, Jacob follows her into the tiny
hallway. He grabs her arm.

JACOB
Romy!

ROMY
(sweet)
I really have to go. So sorry. Have
fun. It was wonderful!

She manages to escape.


INT. OFFICE EXECUTIVE FLOOR HALLWAYS -NIGHT

Cautiously, Romy walks down the hallway in her dress, not
sure what to expect.


INT. OFFICE BUILDING ROMY'S OFFICE -NIGHT

Embarrassed, Romy falls into her chair. On her desk she finds
a note. It has a date, time, and address written on it.


EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - NIGHT

From the street, Samuel looks up at Romy’s office windows.
Watching her. He smokes a cigarette.


EXT. 27TH STREET- DUSK

Tense, Romy walks down the street in a designer coat. It’s
cold.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Romy sits alone in a theatre after the show, feeling lost amidst the celebration of the cast. She interacts with Stephen, who lightens the mood with humor, and expresses admiration for Jacob and Scarlett. However, a work emergency pulls her away, creating tension with Jacob, who wants her to stay. Despite the lively atmosphere, Romy prioritizes her job, ultimately leaving the dressing room and heading to her office, where she finds an important note. The scene concludes with her walking down the cold street, feeling the weight of her choices.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Engaging character interactions
  • Compelling themes and conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive or cliched

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and tensions, setting the stage for further character development and plot progression. The interactions between the characters are engaging and provide insight into their relationships and motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of a theater performance and delving into the characters' emotions and relationships is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively sets up future conflicts and developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the aftermath of the theater performance, focusing on the tensions and dynamics between the characters. It moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and deepening existing relationships.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar setting of a theatre backstage but adds originality through nuanced character dynamics and subtle conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their interactions are engaging, providing insight into their personalities and motivations. Romy's internal conflict and the dynamics between her and Jacob, Scarlett, and other characters add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Romy experiences internal conflict and emotional turmoil, showcasing a shift in her feelings and priorities. The scene sets the stage for potential character growth and development in future events.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal is to balance her personal life and work commitments, as seen through her interactions with Jacob and Scarlett. This reflects her desire for success in her career while maintaining relationships.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to handle a work emergency, as indicated by her need to leave the celebration and go to her office. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in balancing her personal and professional life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene has a high level of conflict, both internal and external, as the characters navigate their emotions, relationships, and responsibilities. The tensions between the characters create a sense of intrigue and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and expectations creating tension and conflict among the characters. Romy's struggle to balance personal and professional commitments adds complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the characters' emotions, relationships, and responsibilities. The tension and conflicts they face have significant implications for their personal and professional lives.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening relationships, and setting up future developments. It lays the groundwork for upcoming events and character arcs, driving the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of Romy's decision-making and the evolving dynamics between the characters. The audience is kept on edge as they wonder how Romy will navigate her personal and professional challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the tension between personal fulfillment and professional success. Romy's dedication to her job clashes with Jacob's desire for her presence, highlighting the struggle between individual goals and relationship expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, embarrassment, curiosity, and desire. The characters' conflicting emotions and interactions resonate with the audience, drawing them into the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and conflicts, adding depth to their interactions. The exchanges between the characters are engaging and reveal important aspects of their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its dynamic character interactions, emotional depth, and escalating tension. The audience is drawn into Romy's dilemma and the conflicting desires of the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, moving seamlessly between different locations and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's emotional impact and narrative progression.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard screenplay formatting conventions, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions, effectively building tension and conflict. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the protagonist's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Romy's internal conflict between her professional obligations and her personal relationships, particularly with Jacob. This tension is palpable and adds depth to her character. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by providing more insight into Romy's feelings about missing the celebration and her relationship with Jacob.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly Romy's insistence that she has a job. This could be rephrased to sound more natural and less like an exposition dump. Consider using subtext to convey her frustration and guilt instead of stating it outright.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, especially in the transition from the theater to the office. The abrupt shift from the lively atmosphere of the dressing room to the solitude of Romy's office could benefit from a more gradual transition, perhaps by including a moment of reflection or hesitation as she leaves the celebration.
  • The visual elements are engaging, particularly the contrast between the vibrant dressing room and the starkness of Romy's office. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the environment. For example, describing the sounds, smells, or even the atmosphere of the dressing room could enhance the reader's experience.
  • Romy's interactions with Jacob and Scarlett are compelling, but the scene could explore their dynamics further. For instance, adding a moment where Jacob expresses his disappointment more explicitly could deepen the emotional impact of Romy's decision to leave.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Romy as she navigates the dressing room, reflecting on her conflicting emotions about work and family. This could provide more depth to her character and clarify her motivations.
  • Revise the dialogue to incorporate more subtext, allowing the audience to infer Romy's feelings rather than stating them directly. This can create a more engaging and nuanced interaction between characters.
  • Slow down the pacing by including a moment where Romy hesitates before leaving the dressing room, perhaps glancing back at Jacob or Scarlett, to emphasize her internal struggle.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the dressing room scene to create a more vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds of laughter, the clinking of glasses, or the warmth of the room to contrast with Romy's cold office environment.
  • Explore Jacob's character further by giving him a line that expresses his disappointment or frustration with Romy's departure, which could add emotional weight to the scene and highlight the strain in their relationship.



Scene 28 - Tension and Surrender
INT. CHEAP HOTEL ROOM- NIGHT

Romy enters the worn out room. She looks around. The walls
are painted red. She notices a stain on the carpet.

ROMY
Hello?

She takes her coat off. In a beautiful, expensive outfit, she
sits down on the edge of the bed. She isn’t used to waiting
for anything. She finds a long, dark hair on the bed. She
picks it up and studies it.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 37.


She takes a cheap piece of strawberry candy wrapped in red
paper out of a bowl. Samuel enters with a small plastic bag
from a bodega.

SAMUEL
(indifferent)
Oh. You’re here.

He is wearing a hoody and jeans, the hood over his head. He
doesn’t look at her. Slowly, he takes some items out of the
bag. Nervous, she watches him. Tension builds between them.

ROMY
Sit down.

He immediately does.

ROMY (CONT’D)
Your behavior is unacceptable.

SAMUEL
(he smiles)
What behavior?

ROMY
(convincing herself)
That’s all I have to say and that’s
the only reason I’m here-

SAMUEL
What are you talking about?

He laughs. Amused by her anger.

ROMY
-to stop this and your wild
behavior.

SAMUEL
What does that mean?

ROMY
Leaving me notes? Calling me?
Sending me milk?

SAMUEL
(smiles)
Well- you drank it all...

ROMY
Texting me? Inviting me to this
ridiculous hotel? Keeping me
waiting- Are you fucking insane?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 38.


He gets up. While she keeps talking he slowly walks towards
her.

ROMY (CONT’D)
We need to have a very serious
conversation, you and I, we need to
talk this through. Get to the
bottom of it. You need to realize
that what you’re doing is wrong-

He puts his hand on her mouth.

SAMUEL
(soft)
I don’t think I want to talk.

He grabs the back of her head and pushes her face into the
dirty carpet. For a brief moment, he holds her down like a
kitten. Quickly, he lets her go. He scares himself,
struggling to control his impulses. Both of them are lost for
a moment.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Sorry but- I’m confused -
You don’t know me. I’m a total-
stranger, but you show up here,
dressed like this- and you want me
to just look at you- and- not do
anything?

Romy is quiet.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
I’m not some thing you can just
pick up and play with.

ROMY
(annoyed)
Oh, shut the fuck up.

SAMUEL
Get on your knees.

ROMY
(chuckles)
What? No!

He laughs, embarrassed.

SAMUEL
(smiling)
I just feel...Is That what you
want? I don’t know how to- If
that’s what you want - Be honest.
(MORE)
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 39.
SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(seriously asking)
Is it?

ROMY
(honest)
I don’t know.

She looks at him. She shifts her tone.

ROMY (CONT’D)
(quietly, genuine)
You’re very young- I don’t want to
hurt you.

SAMUEL
Hurt me? I think I have power over
you, not the other way around. I
mean, one call and you lose
everything. Right?

With an inquiring look he stares at her, curious what she
will say or do.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(whispers)
Does that turn you on, when I say
that?

It does but she is too embarrassed to admit it. She sort of
rolls her eyes and shakes her head. He studies her like a
biologist.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(whispers, sweetly)
Get on your knees.

For a moment she tries to bend her knees. Then quickly:

ROMY
(decisive)
Ok. I have to go.

She walks to the door, he takes a step towards her. She feels
him behind her. Quickly, she turns around and grabs his face
and kisses him passionately. Gently, he pushes her away.

SAMUEL
(genuine)
No. Not like that. I don’t like it
like that. I don’t want it like
that-

Rejected she attacks him, trying to trigger his aggression.
They land on the floor. They struggle, they wrestle.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 40.


She jumps up. He pulls her down and turns her on her belly.
While she crawls away from him he takes her leg. He kisses
her leg, sniffs it, bites it, and slides her body back to
him. She turns towards him, grabs his arm. When she wants to
look at him, he covers her eyes.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Don’t.

The more he tells her not to, the harder she keeps trying to
find his gaze. With her fingers she opens his eyes and forces
him to look at her. He laughs.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Stop! Stop!

She does. Careful, he takes her hand and pulls her up. They
walk around the small room hand in hand, as if they are two
young lovers, sightseeing on a city trip. He guides her to a
corner of the room, he leaves her there, facing the wall. He
goes to sit on the bed to catch his breath, to think. A long
beat. Calmly, she stands in the corner, waiting.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Please take your clothes off-

ROMY
No.

SAMUEL
(soft)
Why not?

ROMY
(scared to show her body
to such a young man)
I don’t know. I don’t want to.

SAMUEL
(kind)
Ok. That’s ok.

With his hand he gestures for her to come sit next to him on
the bed. She does. For a short moment she lays her head on
his shoulder.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Would you mind getting on your
hands and knees for me?

ROMY
Why?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 41.


He breathes in, trying to calm himself, understand himself,
and to slow down. He takes a piece of candy out of the bowl.

SAMUEL
(smiling)
Could you maybe try? For the sake
of what we’re trying to...do here?

She shakes her head. He waits. He observes her, trying to
measure her response. Slowly she gets up and bends her knees.
First, she kneels in front of him. She looks at him with
questioning eyes. She places both her hands in front of her,
on the carpet. When she is on all fours, he holds out his
hand. He makes soft, sweet sounds with his mouth as if
calling a puppy. Hesitant, she crawls towards him. Ashamed,
she eats the candy from his hand. While she chews, he strokes
her head. He goes to sit next to her on the floor. He lays
her flat on her belly. Gently, he caresses her. His hand
slides under her skirt. He starts to pleasure her. She lets
it happen. After a while she feels like it’s taking too long
and tries to get up.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(kind)
No- no. It’s ok-

He gently holds her down. She closes her eyes. She tries to
surrender. He takes his time. She starts to shake a little
bit.

ROMY
(whispers, embarrassed)
I’m gonna...I don’t wanna pee-
70 70
He keeps going. Torn between guilt and joy, she breathes in,.
He feels her very slowly reaching her climax. Her whole body
starts to shake. She orgasms for real. An unfamiliar sound
escapes her. More growling than moaning. This has never
happened to her before. Overwhelmed by her reaction to his
touch, he holds her. A wave of emotion washes over her.
Embarrassed, she tries to hold back her tears. Calmly, he
looks at her vulnerable eyes. Protective, he holds her in his
arms. She lets go and cries.

INXS, Never Tear Us Apart, starts play to quietly.

Later- They sit next to each other on the edge of the bed.
Samuel is shirtless, Romy wears Samuel’s hoodie. He reaches
over, and zips up the sweater, then puts the hood over her
head.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 42.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a cheap hotel room, Romy confronts Samuel about his troubling behavior, leading to a physical struggle that reveals their complex relationship dynamics. Despite her initial resistance, Romy ultimately surrenders to the moment, resulting in an intimate encounter that leaves her emotionally vulnerable. The scene concludes with them sitting together on the bed, indicating a shift in their connection amidst the tension.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional dynamics
  • Sensual tension
  • Complex character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Potentially controversial content
  • Emotional intensity may be overwhelming for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the intense and conflicted emotions between Romy and Samuel, creating a sense of tension and sensuality that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring power dynamics and vulnerability in a complex relationship is well-executed, adding depth to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the emotional dynamics between Romy and Samuel, adding depth to their relationship.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and provocative approach to exploring power dynamics and control in relationships, with authentic and complex character actions and dialogue that challenge traditional narratives.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed, with their conflicting emotions and vulnerabilities adding layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel experience emotional shifts and vulnerabilities in the scene, leading to character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal is to assert her power and control in a situation where she feels vulnerable and manipulated by Samuel. This reflects her deeper need for autonomy and agency in her relationships.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to confront Samuel about his inappropriate behavior and set boundaries in their relationship. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in dealing with his manipulative actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Romy and Samuel is intense and palpable, driving the emotional tension in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations driving Romy and Samuel's interactions, creating a sense of unpredictability and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene are driven by the emotional vulnerability and power dynamics between Romy and Samuel.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Romy and Samuel and revealing their complex dynamics.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected shifts in power dynamics and emotional intensity between Romy and Samuel, keeping the audience guessing about their motivations and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The scene presents a philosophical conflict between power dynamics, control, and vulnerability in relationships. Romy and Samuel's interactions challenge traditional notions of consent and agency, reflecting conflicting values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in the intimate and vulnerable moments between Romy and Samuel.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and sensuality between Romy and Samuel, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and provocative dialogue, as well as the dynamic power play between the characters that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, creating a sense of unease and anticipation as the characters navigate their power dynamics and emotional conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the narrative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and develops the characters' motivations and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in conveying the emotional intensity of the interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere between Romy and Samuel, highlighting their complex dynamic. However, the dialogue can feel repetitive at times, particularly in Romy's insistence on discussing Samuel's behavior. This could be streamlined to maintain tension without losing the essence of their conflict.
  • Romy's emotional journey is compelling, but her motivations could be clearer. The scene hints at her internal struggle, yet it would benefit from more explicit reflections on her feelings about power, vulnerability, and desire. This would deepen the audience's understanding of her character.
  • The physical struggle between Romy and Samuel is intense and well-written, but it risks crossing into uncomfortable territory without sufficient context. It’s crucial to ensure that the power dynamics are portrayed thoughtfully, emphasizing consent and emotional complexity rather than mere physicality.
  • The transition from confrontation to intimacy feels abrupt. While this can be a powerful narrative choice, it may leave the audience confused about the characters' motivations. More gradual development of their emotional connection could enhance the believability of their shift from conflict to intimacy.
  • The use of sensory details, such as the description of the hotel room and the candy, adds depth to the scene. However, the imagery could be expanded to evoke a stronger emotional response. For instance, describing the room's atmosphere in relation to Romy's feelings could enhance the scene's emotional weight.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate redundancy and enhance the tension. Focus on key phrases that encapsulate their conflict and emotional states.
  • Add internal monologue or reflective moments for Romy to clarify her feelings about the situation, which would help the audience connect with her emotional journey.
  • Ensure that the physical struggle between Romy and Samuel is framed within a clear context of consent and emotional complexity. This could involve Romy expressing her conflicting feelings more explicitly.
  • Gradually build the emotional connection between Romy and Samuel to make their transition from confrontation to intimacy feel more organic. This could involve small moments of vulnerability or shared understanding before they become physical.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience. Consider how the environment reflects Romy's emotional state and use descriptive language to evoke a stronger atmosphere.



Scene 29 - Unspoken Connections
INT/EXT. MONTAGE - VARIOUS

Never Tear Us Apart continues to play while we see Samuel and
Romy’s connection deepen in the office and outside of it.

- INT. OFFICE LOBBY: Romy walks past the lit up Christmas
tree.

- INT. OFFICE ELEVATOR: Romy is in the elevator, Samuel
enters. She blushes. They share a moment before Esme and a
group of interns rush in. Suddenly, Romy is surrounded by
young people, laughing and talking loudly. Romy watches as
Samuel and Esme laugh together, Samuel touches Esme’s arm.

- INT. ROMY’S PRIVATE OFFICE

Samuel enters Romy’s private office.

SAMUEL
You wanted to see me?

ROMY
Yes, sit down.

She motions for him to sit opposite her.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Set against the backdrop of the holiday season, this montage captures the evolving relationship between Samuel and Romy. Romy experiences a mix of shyness and jealousy as she observes Samuel's interactions with Esme and the interns. A brief, intimate moment in the elevator is interrupted, leading to a more serious conversation when Samuel enters Romy's office. The scene highlights Romy's internal conflict and longing, culminating in a moment of anticipation as Samuel sits down to talk.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension and vulnerability
  • Well-developed characters
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the complex emotions and dynamics between Romy and Samuel, setting up a significant shift in their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the developing connection between Romy and Samuel in a professional setting is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the evolving relationship between Romy and Samuel, adding depth to their characters and setting up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar workplace setting but adds a fresh perspective by delving into the emotional complexities of office relationships. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed in the scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, tensions, and evolving dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel experience subtle changes in their dynamic and relationship, setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to navigate her feelings for Samuel amidst the presence of Esme and the group of interns. It reflects her deeper need for connection and validation.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal in this scene is to have a professional conversation with Samuel in her private office. It reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining professionalism while dealing with personal emotions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The tension and confusion between Romy and Samuel create a moderate level of conflict in the scene, adding depth to their relationship.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as Romy faces internal and external conflicts that challenge her personal and professional boundaries.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the emotional implications of Romy and Samuel's interactions add depth to their relationship.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the connection between Romy and Samuel, hinting at future developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between characters and the unresolved tension that leaves the audience unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between personal desires and professional boundaries. It challenges Romy's beliefs about work-life balance and relationships in the workplace.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through the vulnerability and tension displayed by Romy and Samuel in their interactions.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and complexities of the characters' interactions, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional tension and subtle character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the unfolding relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the evolving dynamics between characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a character-driven drama, with a clear progression of events and emotional beats.


Critique
  • The montage format is effective in conveying the passage of time and the deepening connection between Romy and Samuel. However, it lacks a strong narrative thread that ties the individual moments together. Each segment feels somewhat disjointed, which can dilute the emotional impact of their relationship development.
  • The use of 'Never Tear Us Apart' as a backdrop is a strong choice, as it evokes themes of longing and connection. However, the emotional weight of the song could be better reflected in the visuals. The scenes could benefit from more intimate or significant interactions that align with the song's lyrics and mood.
  • The transition from the office lobby to the elevator is a nice touch, but the introduction of Esme and the interns feels abrupt. This moment could be enhanced by showing Romy's internal conflict or jealousy more explicitly as she observes Samuel with Esme, which would deepen the emotional stakes.
  • Romy's blush in the elevator is a subtle but effective detail that conveys her feelings for Samuel. However, the scene could explore her emotional state further, perhaps through her thoughts or reactions to the group dynamic, which would add depth to her character.
  • The dialogue in Romy's office is functional but lacks tension or subtext. It feels somewhat flat given the context of their previous intimate encounter. Adding layers to their conversation could heighten the stakes and reveal more about their evolving relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating more visual storytelling elements that reflect Romy's emotional journey throughout the montage. For example, using close-ups of her expressions or body language could convey her feelings more powerfully.
  • Enhance the transitions between the montage segments to create a smoother flow. This could involve using visual motifs or recurring themes that connect the different locations and interactions.
  • Explore Romy's internal conflict more deeply during the elevator scene. Perhaps include her thoughts on Samuel's connection with Esme, which could add tension and complexity to her character.
  • Revise the dialogue in Romy's office to include more subtext or tension. This could involve playful banter that hints at their past intimacy or a more serious discussion about their feelings, which would make the scene more engaging.
  • Consider adding a moment of vulnerability or hesitation from Romy before Samuel enters her office, which could heighten the anticipation and emotional stakes of their interaction.



Scene 30 - Passion Amidst Professionalism
– INT. ROMY’S PRIVATE OFFICE BATHROOM: Samuel and Romy kiss
passionately. He pushes her up against the wall, his hand
around her neck.

-INT. OFFICE CONFERENCE ROOM: Romy holds court in a meeting,
surrounded by men in suits. She looks up as Samuel walks by.

- INT. OFFICE PRESS ROOM: Romy delivers a speech. She makes
eye contact with Samuel through the glass walls.

- INT. ROMY’S PRIVATE OFFICE BATHROOM: Romy enters her
bathroom, Samuel is already there peeing in her toilet. She
embraces him from behind. He finishes peeing. They kiss
passionately. He puts his thumb in her mouth.

- INT. UPSTATE HOUSE BEDROOM: Romy and her whole family sleep
together in a big, cozy bed.

- INT. ROMY’S PRIVATE OFFICE BATHROOM: Romy lays face down on
the floor, she pulls her dress up over het waist. Samuel gets
down on the ground behind her.

- EXT. ALLEYWAY: Samuel kisses Romy against a wall in a dirty
alleyway.

- INT. OFFICE KITCHEN: It’s late. Romy looks out at the city
lights through the window.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 43.


- EXT. ALLEYWAY: Samuel turns Romy around, presses her face
up against the wall. He covers her eyes and starts to have
sex with her from behind.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a series of intimate encounters, Romy and Samuel navigate their passionate relationship against the backdrop of her professional life. The scene opens with a heated kiss in Romy's office bathroom, transitions to her confidently leading a meeting, and features her delivering a speech while stealing glances at Samuel. Their connection deepens with more passionate moments, including a kiss in an alleyway and a sexual encounter against a wall. The scene concludes with Romy reflecting on her life as she gazes out at the city lights, highlighting the ongoing conflict between her personal desires and professional responsibilities.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional portrayal
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential controversial nature of the scene
  • Risk of romanticizing inappropriate behavior

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the intense emotions and tension between Romy and Samuel, creating a compelling and memorable moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of forbidden desire and the exploration of complex emotions in a romantic context are well-developed and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene focuses on the evolving relationship between Romy and Samuel, adding depth and complexity to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene contains unique situations and fresh approaches to intimate moments, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Romy and Samuel are portrayed with depth and authenticity, showcasing their inner conflicts and desires effectively.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel experience a shift in their relationship dynamics and emotional states during the scene, leading to character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to seek intimacy and connection with Samuel. This reflects her deeper desire for emotional fulfillment and closeness.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate her personal and professional relationships with Samuel. This reflects the immediate challenges she faces in balancing her personal and professional life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between desire and societal norms is palpable in the scene, heightening the emotional stakes for the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and societal expectations creating tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of forbidden desire and the risk of societal consequences add tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the connection between Romy and Samuel, setting the stage for further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and interactions between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between personal desires and societal expectations. The protagonist's actions challenge traditional norms and expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of passion, tension, and vulnerability, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between the characters, adding layers to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the raw and intimate moments, as well as the tension between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating tension and building towards key moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene juxtaposes Romy's professional life with her personal desires, but the transitions between settings feel abrupt and disjointed. The rapid shifts from passionate moments to formal meetings can confuse the audience and dilute the emotional impact of each moment.
  • The portrayal of intimacy in the bathroom and alleyway scenes may come off as gratuitous without deeper emotional context. While physical intimacy can be a powerful storytelling tool, it should serve to enhance character development or thematic elements rather than exist solely for shock value.
  • Romy's character is shown in a powerful position during the meeting and speech, yet the subsequent scenes in the bathroom and alleyway reduce her agency. This contrast could be more effectively explored to highlight the complexities of her character, but as it stands, it risks undermining her strength as a CEO.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which can work in a scene focused on physicality, but it may leave the audience wanting more insight into Romy's thoughts and feelings. Adding internal monologue or brief exchanges could enhance the emotional depth and provide clarity on her conflicting desires.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While it showcases various intimate moments, it doesn't effectively convey Romy's internal struggle or the consequences of her actions. A more defined emotional journey would help the audience connect with her character on a deeper level.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding transitional moments that provide context for the shifts between settings. For example, a brief internal monologue from Romy reflecting on her dual life could help bridge the gap between her professional and personal experiences.
  • Explore Romy's emotional state more thoroughly during the intimate scenes. This could involve her reflecting on her choices or the implications of her actions, which would add depth to her character and make the audience more invested in her journey.
  • Incorporate dialogue or interactions that reveal Romy's thoughts about her relationship with Samuel and the impact it has on her professional life. This could help ground the physical intimacy in emotional reality and enhance the stakes of their relationship.
  • Consider the pacing of the scene. Slowing down certain moments, particularly the transitions between intimacy and professional settings, could allow for a more impactful exploration of Romy's character and her struggles.
  • Ensure that the intimate moments serve a purpose in the narrative. Each scene should contribute to Romy's character development or the overarching themes of the screenplay, rather than existing solely for titillation.



Scene 31 - From Control to Celebration
- INT. OFFICE KITCHEN: Samuel enters. Romy sees him in the
reflection of the window. He comes up behind her, and takes a
coffee cup form the shelf. To her surprise, he lets it slide
out of his hands. The cup breaks into pieces on the floor. He
looks at the shards and at her.

SAMUEL
(calm)
Why don’t you clean that up?

Slowly, Romy gets down on her hands and knees. Carefully she
gathers the pieces in her hand. She focusses on the task,
trying to execute it precisely. With his foot he kicks some
of the shards towards her. She lays her head on his shoe.

- EXT. ALLEYWAY: Romy and Samuel kiss, post-coital. Romy
caresses Samuel’s face. She looks at him with soft, loving
eyes. Grateful. We see the lights of the city.


INT. UPSTATE HOUSE- KITCHEN- NIGHT

Full of new found energy Romy prepares a meal. A fire
crackles, a beautifully decorated Christmas tree, classical
music is playing. Perfect happiness. The family is gathered
for a cozy dinner. Isabel’s girlfriend, Mary, is at the table
too. Romy is on top of the world. She is dancing. Jacob
enjoys his wife’s mood.

ISABEL
(laughing)
Mom! Stop.

Nora joins her mother and starts to make wild dance moves.
Romy goes out of her way to show Mary a good time. Jacob
quietly observes his cheerful wife and daughter interacting.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a tense office kitchen, Samuel asserts his dominance over Romy by breaking a coffee cup and coldly instructing her to clean it up, leading to a moment of submission. The scene shifts to an alleyway where they share a passionate kiss, hinting at their complicated relationship. Finally, the atmosphere transforms in an upstate house kitchen, where Romy joyfully prepares a meal for a festive family dinner, surrounded by her daughter Isabel, her girlfriend Mary, and a warm family dynamic, contrasting the earlier tension.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intimate moments
  • Family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Potential predictability in character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances intimate moments between Romy and Samuel with the joyful family dinner, creating a rich emotional tapestry. The tension and vulnerability portrayed add depth to the characters and advance the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring intimate moments alongside family interactions is engaging and adds depth to the characters. The scene effectively conveys themes of love, desire, and vulnerability.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the intimate interactions between Romy and Samuel, as well as the family dynamics at the dinner. The scene adds layers to the characters and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to family dynamics and relationships, exploring themes of tension and intimacy in a domestic setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Romy and Samuel showing vulnerability and desire, while the family dynamics add depth to their relationships. The interactions feel authentic and engaging.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel experience emotional shifts in the scene, revealing vulnerability and desire. The interactions between the characters lead to personal growth and deeper connections.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate her complex emotions and relationships, particularly with Samuel and her family. This reflects her deeper needs for love, acceptance, and fulfillment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to create a happy and harmonious atmosphere for her family during the dinner. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining appearances and keeping her family together.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the emotional tension and vulnerability of the characters. The juxtaposition of intimate moments and family dynamics adds depth to the conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and desires driving the characters' actions and interactions, adding complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are primarily emotional in the scene, focusing on the characters' desires, vulnerabilities, and relationships. The high emotional impact raises the stakes and intensifies the interactions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by developing the relationships between Romy, Samuel, and the family. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions, advancing the narrative in a meaningful way.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and emotional dynamics between the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between appearances and reality, as Romy tries to project happiness and harmony while dealing with internal struggles and external challenges. This challenges her beliefs about authenticity and honesty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, capturing moments of intimacy, vulnerability, and joy. The complex emotions portrayed resonate with the audience and create a powerful connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between the characters, adding depth to their interactions. The conversations feel natural and contribute to character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, tension, and intimate moments that draw the audience into the characters' struggles and desires.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing tension and intimacy, creating a sense of unease and vulnerability that drives the emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character interactions.


Critique
  • The transition from the intense and intimate moment in the alleyway to the joyful family scene in the upstate house kitchen feels abrupt. The emotional shift is significant, and while it showcases Romy's duality, it may benefit from a smoother transition that connects the two contrasting moods more effectively.
  • Romy's submission in the office kitchen scene, where she lays her head on Samuel's shoe, is a powerful visual that conveys vulnerability and complexity in their relationship. However, the scene could delve deeper into Romy's internal conflict during this moment. Adding her thoughts or feelings could enhance the emotional weight and provide insight into her motivations.
  • The depiction of the family dinner scene is warm and inviting, but it risks feeling overly idealized. While it's important to show Romy's happiness, consider incorporating subtle hints of her internal struggles or unresolved feelings about her relationship with Samuel. This would create a richer emotional landscape and maintain tension.
  • The dialogue in the kitchen scene is minimal, which can be effective for conveying mood, but it may also leave the audience wanting more. Consider adding brief exchanges between Romy and her family that reflect her current emotional state or hint at her recent experiences with Samuel, providing a deeper connection to her character's journey.
  • The use of classical music and the Christmas setting effectively evoke a sense of warmth and nostalgia. However, the scene could benefit from contrasting elements that reflect Romy's inner turmoil, such as a fleeting moment of distraction or a memory that surfaces, reminding her of her complexities.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Romy in the kitchen scene, where she contemplates her recent encounter with Samuel, allowing the audience to see her emotional state more clearly.
  • Introduce a subtle conflict or tension in the family dinner scene, such as a comment from Jacob that hints at his awareness of Romy's emotional struggles, to create a more layered dynamic.
  • Incorporate more dialogue in the kitchen scene to reveal Romy's thoughts or feelings about her relationship with Samuel, enhancing the emotional depth of the moment.
  • Explore the use of visual motifs or symbols that represent Romy's internal conflict, such as a flickering candle or a moment where she hesitates before engaging with her family, to create a more nuanced portrayal of her character.
  • Consider a smoother transition between the alleyway and kitchen scenes, perhaps by including a brief moment of Romy reflecting on her feelings as she walks home or a visual cue that connects the two settings.



Scene 32 - Moments of Connection
INT. UPSTATE HOUSE- BEDROOM- NIGHT

In the bedroom Romy and Jacob, sit under the bed sheet like
two children. They speak in hushed voices about their
daughter and her girlfriend. The tone is playful and happy.

ROMY
Did you notice how Isabel set the
table, and helped with everything?
She never does that.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 44.


JACOB
They seem so happy together, it’s
wonderful. And Mary...I think she’s
a great girl.

Romy laughs, Jacob studies her face.


INT. UPSTATE HOUSE KITCHEN- NIGHT

Isabel sits on the kitchen counter by the oven, smoking a
cigarette. She blows smoke into the range hood. Quietly, Romy
walks up to her and sits next to her. Without chastising
her, she takes the cigarette and puts it in her own mouth.
Surprised, Isabel smiles. Romy is able to be more intimate
with her daughter now that something has been unlocked inside
of her. She puts her arm around her.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary In a warm and intimate night scene, Romy and Jacob share playful banter in their bedroom about their daughter Isabel and her girlfriend Mary, expressing pride in their relationship. Meanwhile, Isabel sits alone in the kitchen, smoking a cigarette. Romy joins her, taking the cigarette and wrapping her arm around Isabel, marking a significant shift towards a closer bond between mother and daughter.
Strengths
  • Heartwarming family interaction
  • Playful and intimate tone
  • Positive sentiment
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays a heartwarming moment of family bonding with a playful and intimate tone, creating a positive and supportive sentiment.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family bonding and support is effectively portrayed through the interaction between Romy and Jacob, adding depth to their characters.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is minimal, the scene serves as a crucial moment of character development and relationship building between Romy and Jacob.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of family dynamics and acceptance of non-traditional relationships. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Jacob are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their playful and loving dynamic within the family.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character change in this scene, it deepens the bond between Romy and Jacob, showcasing a more intimate side of their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to connect with her daughter Isabel on a deeper level and show her love and acceptance. This reflects Romy's desire for a closer relationship with her daughter and her need to express her feelings openly.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal in this scene is to show support and understanding towards her daughter Isabel and her girlfriend. This reflects the immediate challenge of accepting and embracing their relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

There is minimal conflict in the scene, focusing more on the positive and supportive relationship between Romy and Jacob.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with the internal conflict of acceptance and understanding providing a small obstacle for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are low in this scene, focusing more on the personal and emotional dynamics within the family.

Story Forward: 6

The scene does not significantly move the main plot forward but adds depth to the characters and their relationships, enriching the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected shift in Romy and Isabel's relationship dynamics, adding a layer of tension and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between traditional family values and acceptance of non-traditional relationships. This challenges Romy's beliefs and values about family dynamics and societal norms.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the heartwarming and intimate interaction between Romy and Jacob, evoking positive and loving sentiments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the playful and intimate tone of the scene, enhancing the interaction between Romy and Jacob.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth and subtle character interactions that draw the audience into the intimate moments between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for quiet moments of connection and reflection between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of intimacy and connection between Romy and Jacob, showcasing their playful dynamic as they discuss their daughter. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional resonance. While the conversation is light-hearted, it feels somewhat surface-level and could explore their feelings about parenting and their relationship more profoundly.
  • The transition from the bedroom to the kitchen is a bit abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the intimate moment between Romy and Jacob with the more rebellious side of Isabel, a smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene. Consider adding a line or action that connects the two settings more cohesively.
  • Isabel's character is introduced in a way that suggests a shift in her relationship with Romy, but the scene could delve deeper into the implications of this newfound intimacy. The act of Romy smoking with Isabel is significant, yet it feels rushed. Expanding on this moment could provide a richer exploration of their evolving relationship.
  • The visual elements in the kitchen scene are minimal. Describing the setting in more detail could enhance the atmosphere and provide context for Isabel's rebellious act of smoking. For instance, mentioning the warmth of the kitchen or the smell of food could create a more vivid picture.
  • The emotional tone shifts from the playful banter between Romy and Jacob to a more serious moment with Isabel. While this contrast is effective, it could be emphasized further by incorporating more internal thoughts or reflections from Romy as she navigates her relationships with both her husband and daughter.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding subtext to the dialogue between Romy and Jacob to reveal deeper feelings about their parenting and relationship dynamics. This could involve them reflecting on their own experiences as teenagers or their hopes for Isabel's future.
  • Introduce a transitional line or action that connects the bedroom scene to the kitchen, such as Romy mentioning how proud she is of Isabel before they shift to the kitchen, creating a thematic link.
  • Expand the moment between Romy and Isabel by including more internal thoughts or dialogue that reflects Romy's feelings about her daughter's choices and their relationship. This could help to illustrate the significance of the moment.
  • Enhance the kitchen setting with descriptive details that evoke the atmosphere, such as the warmth of the oven or the smell of food, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Incorporate Romy's internal conflict or reflections as she interacts with both Jacob and Isabel, allowing the audience to see her emotional journey and the impact of her evolving relationships.



Scene 33 - A Tense Reunion
EXT./ INT. UPSTATE HOUSE HALLWAYS/ DINING ROOM-DAY

We follow Romy as she enters the house carrying a fancy
shopping bag. While walking, she takes off her coat in front
of the mirror. She is wearing a revealing new dress, a stark
contrast to her usual work suits. Suddenly she hears Samuel’s
voice. Shocked, she hides behind the open door and listens.

SAMUEL O. S
(about his father)
-he was like working for VIP’s and
political leaders and stuff.
Protecting them. He was a fighter.
Incredibly strong. Incredibly
smart. Later he became a
philosophy teacher. He wrote these
beautiful poems-

When Romy enters the dining room she sees Samuel at the
dining table talking with her family. Tea cups, coffee and
cookies on the table. Jacob is taking in every word Samuel
says. He is inspired by his story. The girls are very charmed
by him. Samuel stops talking when he sees Romy. He holds up
her laptop.

SAMUEL
(enthusiastic)
Hey! You forgot your laptop at the
office! Esme told me to bring it to
you!

Romy hides her panic.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 45.


SAMUEL (CONT’D)
She said you couldn’t survive a
minute without it.

ROMY
She couldn’t send a messenger?

SAMUEL
(smiling)
I thought- better in person- in
case... Sensitive information... I
took the train.

JACOB
Is that a new dress? You look hot!

ISABEL
Dad! Eeeww-

JACOB
What?

NORA
(to Samuel)
Do you work with the robots?

SAMUEL
No, not directly! I’m only an
intern, so I have to work very hard
to prove myself first!

ISABEL
Do they pay you?

SAMUEL
Yes. Of course. And I work at a
bar.

ISABEL
What bar?

SAMUEL
The Nines.

NORA
I am named after a play.

SAMUEL
What? A play? Which one?

NORA
I’m a dancer. You want to see me
dance the Tarantella?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 46.


SAMUEL
Yes!

Nora starts to dance.

ROMY
(cold)
We have to go soon.

Quickly, Samuel gets up.

SAMUEL
(blushing)
Oh! I’m so sorry. Yes. Of course!

Embarrassed, he smiles. Jacob puts his hand on his arm.

JACOB
Do you want some more coffee?

Unsure of himself, Samuel looks at Romy. Is he allowed to
stay?

SAMUEL
(to Nora)
You’re a great dancer.

ISABEL
You want to come to come on a hike
with us?

Samuel looks at Romy, who tries to hide her panic.


EXT. UPSTATE FOREST BEHIND THEIR HOUSE-DAY

The family are on a hike. Samuel watches as the children run
up behind Jacob and jump on his back, yelling and laughing.
They play wrestle – Samuel reaches out his hand to join in.

From in the distance Romy, looks down at them all having a
good time.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Family"]

Summary Romy arrives at her family's upstate house in a revealing dress, feeling out of place. She overhears Samuel charming her family with stories about his father, which captivates them, while she struggles with her panic over his presence. Despite her attempts to divert the conversation, the children invite Samuel to join their hike. As they hike, Samuel interacts warmly with the children, while Romy watches from a distance, feeling a mix of anxiety and longing as she observes her family's happiness.
Strengths
  • Nuanced character interactions
  • Emotional depth
  • Realistic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Moderate conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of drama, romance, and family dynamics to create a compelling and emotionally charged interaction between the characters. The tension and awkwardness add depth to the scene, while the moments of joy and embarrassment provide a well-rounded emotional experience for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an unexpected encounter between Romy and Samuel in a family setting adds depth to the characters and explores their relationships in a unique way. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of human interactions and emotions.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the unexpected encounter between Romy and Samuel, leading to moments of tension, awkwardness, and joy. The scene contributes to the overall narrative by developing the characters and their relationships.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh approach to family dynamics and social interactions, with authentic dialogue that captures the complexity of relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Romy and Samuel, are well-developed and exhibit a range of emotions and reactions that add depth to their personalities. The family members also contribute to the dynamics of the scene, enhancing the overall character interactions.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics and emotions, particularly between Romy and Samuel, the scene does not feature significant character changes. The focus is more on exploring the existing relationships and tensions.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal is to maintain her composure and hide her panic upon seeing Samuel with her family.

External Goal: 7.5

Romy's external goal is to navigate the social interaction with Samuel and her family smoothly.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from the tension and awkwardness between Romy and Samuel. The conflicting emotions and dynamics add depth to the scene and drive the character interactions.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Romy facing internal and external challenges in her interactions with Samuel.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are moderate, primarily revolving around the tension and dynamics between Romy, Samuel, and the family members. While the interactions are emotionally charged, the overall consequences are not extremely high.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by developing the relationships between the characters, particularly Romy and Samuel. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for future interactions and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected social dynamics and character interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 6.5

The philosophical conflict is between Romy's desire for privacy and control over her personal life, and the intrusion of Samuel into her family dynamic.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, awkwardness, embarrassment, and joy in the audience. The nuanced performances and complex character interactions contribute to the emotional depth of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, awkwardness, and emotional nuances of the characters. The interactions between Romy, Samuel, and the family members are engaging and realistic, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension and dynamics between the characters, as well as the unfolding social interaction.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of interaction between Romy and Samuel.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression of events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a contrast between Romy's professional life and her personal life, particularly through her revealing dress and the presence of Samuel. However, the transition from her initial shock to her interactions with her family feels abrupt. More internal conflict or hesitation from Romy could enhance the tension and highlight her emotional state.
  • Samuel's dialogue about his father provides an interesting backstory, but it may overshadow Romy's presence in the scene. While it's important to develop Samuel's character, the focus should remain on Romy's perspective and her reactions to the situation. Consider incorporating more of Romy's internal thoughts or feelings as she listens to Samuel.
  • The family dynamics are well portrayed, with Jacob and the children engaging with Samuel. However, Romy's cold response to Samuel's enthusiasm feels somewhat out of character given her previous interactions with him. This inconsistency could confuse the audience about her feelings towards him. Clarifying her emotional state would strengthen the scene.
  • The dialogue is lively and captures the familial atmosphere, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Romy's panic could be subtly hinted at through her body language or fragmented dialogue, rather than being explicitly stated. This would create a more nuanced portrayal of her internal struggle.
  • The ending of the scene, where Samuel is invited to join the hike, raises the stakes but lacks a strong emotional reaction from Romy. A more visceral response from her could heighten the tension and set up the next scene more effectively. This would also reinforce her conflicting feelings about Samuel's presence in her family life.
Suggestions
  • Add internal monologue or visual cues to convey Romy's panic and emotional turmoil as she overhears Samuel. This could include her hesitating before entering the dining room or fidgeting with her dress.
  • Consider reducing the amount of backstory Samuel shares about his father to allow more focus on Romy's reactions. This could be achieved by making his dialogue more concise or by interspersing Romy's thoughts between his lines.
  • Enhance Romy's character consistency by showing her struggle with her feelings towards Samuel. This could be done through her body language, such as crossing her arms or avoiding eye contact when he speaks.
  • Incorporate subtext into the dialogue, allowing Romy's discomfort to manifest in her tone or choice of words. For example, she could respond to Samuel's enthusiasm with a half-hearted compliment that hints at her true feelings.
  • Strengthen the ending by having Romy express a more visceral reaction to the idea of Samuel joining the hike. This could be a moment of silent dread or a quick exchange of glances with Jacob that conveys her concern.



Scene 34 - Boundaries and Confusion
INT. /EXT. UPSTATE CAR/ PARKING LOT TRAIN STATION- LATE
AFTERNOON

The car is parked. Romy and Samuel sit in silence.

SAMUEL
They’re so nice- You’re family-
That’s what I want, for myself.
Later.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 47.


Romy turns towards him. Her eyes are dark.

ROMY
Don’t ever show up like that again.

SAMUEL
What? I was just- doing my job.

ROMY
(calm but threatening)
My family is everything to me.
Don’t you ever do that again.

SAMUEL
What are you talking about?

Hurt, he wants to get out of the car but the door is locked.
He tries again. She doesn't open it.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Let me out!

ROMY SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Listen. Jesus Christ. Open the door.

ROMY (CONT’D)
Wait.

Realizing she has to manage the situation, she tries to calm
him down. She touches his arm. Even though he is angry and
hurt, her touch relaxes him.

ROMY (CONT’D)
I’m sorry. Lets calm down and talk
for a moment. I was just- I didn't
expect you to show up at my house!

She puts his hand on his leg. She looks at him with soft
eyes.

ROMY (CONT’D)
I don’t think- We can see each
other outside of work anymore-

SAMUEL
(with controlled anger)
Take your hand of my leg.

Quickly she takes it away.

ROMY
Sorry.

A beat. They both think about it. He turns towards her.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 48.


SAMUEL
Romy, I don't want a girlfriend, if
that’s what you’re afraid off. You
look like a... mother. I’m not-
I’m not interested in that.

She looks at him. He tries to explain how he sees it:

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
I thought what we were doing- It’s
like- In my mind- We’re like--two
children. Playing. It’s natural.

ROMY
(quickly)
You’re not a child.

SAMUEL
Whatever.

He tries to open the door.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(calm)
Unlock the car. Unlock the car! Or
do you want to keep me here?

She doesn’t open the door. He raises his voice.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(aggressive)
Unlock the fucking car!!
(emotional)
Why are you making me like this? I
don’t want to feel like this!

Worried, she grabs his arm.

ROMY
Hey!! Listen! This stops here,
whatever this is. I’m sorry if it
is confusing for you. It’s
confusing for me too- for the both
of us.

She looks at his face, his skin.

ROMY (CONT’D)
You’re very... young.

SAMUEL
No- I’m not-
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 49.


ROMY
You are-
(she pauses)
I’m not going to...fire you but we
have to keep it- professional.

SAMUEL
What the fuck does that mean?

ROMY
I’m just trying to take care of you
here.

SAMUEL
You’re taking care of me?
(he shakes his head)
No.


They lock eyes. They know they are in dangerous territory.
She unlocks the car. He gets out. She looks at him walking
away. She drives off.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense confrontation at a train station, Romy and Samuel sit in a parked car where Samuel expresses his longing for family, prompting Romy's anger and insistence on maintaining professional boundaries. As Samuel feels trapped and demands to be let out, their discussion reveals conflicting desires—Samuel seeks a carefree relationship while Romy emphasizes the need for professionalism. The scene culminates in a standoff, with Romy unlocking the car door, allowing Samuel to exit, and she drives away, leaving him frustrated and alone.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional confrontation
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Character depth and development
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and emotional turmoil between the characters, keeping the audience engaged and invested in their dynamic. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and raw, adding depth to the characters and their relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the power dynamics and emotional complexities between Romy and Samuel in a confrontational setting is compelling and adds depth to their characters. The scene effectively captures the conflicting emotions and vulnerabilities of the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the escalating tension and emotional confrontation between Romy and Samuel, moving their relationship to a new level of complexity. The scene advances the character dynamics and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of professional boundaries and personal relationships, with authentic dialogue and emotional depth. The characters' actions and reactions feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting emotions, vulnerabilities, and power struggles. The dialogue and actions reveal layers of their personalities and motivations, making them compelling and relatable.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel experience changes in their dynamic and understanding of each other during the scene. Romy asserts her boundaries and takes control, while Samuel confronts his feelings and vulnerabilities.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal is to maintain boundaries and professionalism in her relationship with Samuel, despite his advances and emotional outbursts. This reflects her need to protect her personal and professional life from being intertwined.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to diffuse the escalating situation with Samuel and maintain control over the interaction. She wants to establish clear boundaries and assert her authority.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense emotional confrontations and power struggles between Romy and Samuel. The conflicting emotions and motivations drive the scene forward, creating a compelling dynamic.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and emotional dynamics between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the interaction.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Romy and Samuel navigate their conflicting emotions, power dynamics, and professional boundaries. The outcome of their confrontation could have significant consequences for their relationship and work.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Romy and Samuel, setting up future conflicts and developments. It advances the character arcs and adds complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and emotional outbursts of the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between personal and professional boundaries. Romy values her family and professional reputation, while Samuel seems to blur the lines between personal and professional relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, hurt, and confusion in the audience as they witness the intense confrontation between Romy and Samuel. The raw emotions and vulnerabilities of the characters resonate strongly.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, conflicts, and power dynamics, adding depth to their interactions. The exchanges feel authentic and impactful, driving the emotional intensity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and conflict between the characters. The audience is drawn into the power dynamics and personal struggles of the protagonists.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, leading to a climactic moment of resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Romy and Samuel, showcasing their complicated relationship. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat repetitive, particularly in the back-and-forth exchanges about unlocking the car. This could be streamlined to maintain the tension without losing momentum.
  • Romy's character is portrayed as both assertive and vulnerable, which is compelling. However, her motivations could be clearer. Why is she so conflicted about Samuel? Adding a line or two that hints at her internal struggle could deepen her character and make her actions more relatable.
  • Samuel's characterization as a young man grappling with his feelings is intriguing, but his dialogue sometimes lacks depth. Phrases like 'I thought what we were doing- It’s like- In my mind- We’re like--two children. Playing.' could be more impactful if he expressed his feelings in a more nuanced way, perhaps by using a metaphor or a personal anecdote.
  • The physicality of the scene, such as Romy's touch on Samuel's arm, is a strong element that conveys intimacy and tension. However, the transition from anger to calmness feels abrupt. A more gradual shift in their emotional states could enhance the realism of their interaction.
  • The ending, where Romy drives off after Samuel exits the car, is visually striking but could benefit from a stronger emotional payoff. Consider adding a moment of reflection for Romy as she drives away, perhaps a brief flash of her internal conflict or a visual cue that emphasizes her feelings of loss or confusion.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the dialogue to reduce repetition, particularly around the car door locking/unlocking. Focus on the emotional stakes rather than the mechanics of the situation.
  • Add a line or two that reveals Romy's internal conflict about her feelings for Samuel, which would help the audience understand her motivations better.
  • Enhance Samuel's dialogue to provide more depth and insight into his character. Consider using metaphors or personal anecdotes to express his feelings more vividly.
  • Gradually transition the emotional states of Romy and Samuel to make their shift from anger to calmness feel more organic and believable.
  • Include a moment of reflection for Romy after Samuel exits the car, allowing her to process her feelings and adding emotional weight to the scene's conclusion.



Scene 35 - Tension in the Office
INT. AUTOMATED WAREHOUSE- DAY

Overhead shot of a fully automated warehouse. Robots are
moving faster and faster, picking and placing products in
endless amounts of boxes and containers while business radio
is playing louder and louder.


INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT- BATHROOM DAY

Business news continues to play. Close on Romy’s face as she
looks at herself in the mirror. She closes her eyes.


INT. OFFICE BUILDING HALLWAY/ ROMY’S OFFICE- DAY

Romy walks towards her office. Through the glass walls, she
sees Samuel talking to Mr. Missel in her office. Nervous, she
watches them.


INT. OFFICE BUILDING ROMY’S OFFICE-DAY

Romy walks in, Samuel smiles politely at her.

SAMUEL
(to Mr. Missel)
Thank you so much!
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 50.


Samuel leaves. Frightened that Samuel spoke to Mr. Missel
about her, she smiles.

ROMY
You were looking for me?

MR. MISSEL
Look at this!

Amused, he shows her the coffee Samuel brought him.

MR. MISSEL (CONT’D)
I didn’t even ask for it! Very
bright kid!

Romy sits down. He looks at her, she forces a smile on her
face.

MR. MISSEL (CONT’D)
I wanted to talk to you about the
tapes Hazel sent over- it’s ok to
relax a little. You don’t need to
be scared of their questions.

ROMY
(submissive)
Yes, yes, I was a little tense I
get that-

Romy gets a text. “ROOF”.

MR MISSEL
(fatherly, warm)
No need, no need, you’ve done it a
million times before-

ROMY
(looking at her phone)
Excuse me- Sebastian-I’m going to
have to take this.

Quickly, she gets up.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a bustling automated warehouse, Romy grapples with anxiety as she prepares for a challenging day at work. After a tense moment in her bathroom, she encounters Samuel and Mr. Missel in her office, where Mr. Missel attempts to reassure her about upcoming scrutiny from Hazel's tapes. Despite his warm demeanor, Romy's unease grows, culminating in her abrupt departure to respond to a text from Sebastian, highlighting her ongoing internal conflict.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of resolution in conflicts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively builds tension and establishes a sense of unease through the interactions between Romy, Mr. Missel, and Samuel. The dialogue and character dynamics create a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring workplace dynamics and hidden agendas is intriguing and well-executed in the scene, adding depth to the characters and setting.

Plot: 7

The plot progression in the scene is focused on building tension and establishing the dynamics between the characters, setting up potential conflicts and power struggles.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar workplace setting but adds originality through the nuanced portrayal of the characters' emotions and motivations. The authenticity of the dialogue and interactions enhances the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Romy's anxiety and submission contrasting with Samuel's polite demeanor and potential hidden motives, creating a complex dynamic.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle shifts in power dynamics and character motivations, the scene primarily focuses on establishing the existing tensions and dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her composure and hide her fear and nervousness from Mr. Missel. This reflects her deeper need for approval and validation in her professional life.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal in this scene is to navigate a potentially challenging conversation with Mr. Missel about the tapes Hazel sent over. She needs to appear confident and capable in handling the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is subtle but palpable, with underlying tensions and power struggles simmering beneath the surface.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Romy facing internal and external challenges that create conflict and uncertainty. The audience is kept on edge as they watch her navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, with the potential for conflicts and power struggles to impact the characters' relationships and professional dynamics.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting up potential conflicts and power struggles that may impact future events and character interactions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertainty surrounding Romy's interactions with Mr. Missel and the potential consequences of their conversation. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Romy's fear of failure and Mr. Missel's reassurance and support. This challenges Romy's beliefs about her own abilities and the expectations placed on her in the workplace.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of unease and tension, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional states and setting up potential conflicts.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and unease between the characters, adding depth to their interactions and hinting at underlying conflicts.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the tension and suspense created by Romy's internal and external conflicts. The subtle character dynamics and emotional subtext draw the audience in.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension and suspense as Romy navigates the conversation with Mr. Missel. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. It enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, moving seamlessly between different locations and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses contrasting settings to reflect Romy's internal state, transitioning from the chaotic automated warehouse to her tense bathroom moment. This juxtaposition highlights her anxiety and the pressures she faces in her professional life.
  • Romy's nervousness is palpable as she observes Samuel and Mr. Missel, which adds tension to the scene. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to better convey her emotional turmoil. The current lines feel somewhat flat and could benefit from more subtext or internal conflict.
  • Mr. Missel's character comes across as paternal and somewhat condescending, which is effective in establishing a power dynamic. However, his dialogue could be sharpened to enhance his authority and make Romy's submissiveness more pronounced. Consider adding a line that subtly undermines Romy’s confidence further.
  • The use of the text message from Sebastian serves as a plot device to propel Romy out of the conversation, but it feels abrupt. This moment could be expanded to show her internal conflict about prioritizing this message over her conversation with Mr. Missel, enhancing the stakes.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly with Romy leaving the conversation. While this reflects her urgency, it might be more impactful to linger on her emotional state for a moment longer before she exits, allowing the audience to fully grasp her anxiety and the implications of her actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or visual cues to illustrate Romy's anxiety as she watches Samuel and Mr. Missel. This could deepen the audience's understanding of her emotional state.
  • Revise Mr. Missel's dialogue to include a line that subtly belittles Romy, reinforcing her feelings of inadequacy and submission. This could enhance the tension in their interaction.
  • Expand on the moment when Romy receives the text from Sebastian. Perhaps show her hesitance or guilt about leaving Mr. Missel, which would add depth to her character and the situation.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection for Romy after Mr. Missel reassures her. This could be a visual cue, like her looking at her reflection again, to emphasize her struggle with self-doubt.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat, such as Romy hesitating at the door before leaving, to emphasize her internal conflict and the weight of her decisions.



Scene 36 - Descent into Panic
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING ROOF DAY

High up, on top of the building, Romy finds Samuel. Smoking a
cigaret, he looks out over the city. It’s snowing. Cautious,
she walks towards him.

ROMY
What’s going on? Are you ok?

Samuel is quiet for a moment. He inhales.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 51.


SAMUEL
Yeah I’m fine- I just eh- I don’t
feel comfortable working for you
anymore.

Worried, Romy stares at him.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
I’m going to talk to someone and
ask to be transferred to a
different department.

ROMY
(hiding her panic)
You can’t do that- They will ask
questions. They will investigate.
You can’t- You can’t do that- They
could- fire me.

SAMUEL
I thought this was your company.

ROMY
That doesn’t matter.

He takes a step towards her. He tries to suppress his
emotions, his fear, tries to ignore her vulnerable eyes. He
swallows.

SAMUEL
It’s for the best. For both of us.

He walks away. Romy panics.

ROMY
(terrified)
Wait! Samuel! Wait! Wait!

He is gone. For a brief moment Romy looks at the edge of the
roof as if it invites her to come closer.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary On a snowy rooftop, Romy confronts Samuel, who reveals his intention to transfer departments, leaving her in a state of panic. Despite her desperate pleas for him to stay, Samuel walks away, intensifying her fear of the consequences she may face. The scene captures the emotional tension between them as Romy contemplates the edge of the roof, feeling isolated and anxious.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions through strong dialogue and tense interactions between the characters. The setting and the decision made by Samuel create a significant impact on the story and character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a character making a life-changing decision on a rooftop, leading to fear and panic, is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively explores themes of change and consequences.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly as Samuel decides to request a transfer, impacting both his and Romy's professional lives. The scene sets up a major turning point in the story and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on workplace drama by exploring the complexities of power dynamics and personal sacrifice. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities and fears. The interaction between them reveals layers of complexity in their relationship and individual motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, with Samuel deciding to request a transfer and Romy facing the potential consequences of his decision. Their relationship is altered, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and power in her professional life. This reflects her deeper need for security and validation, as well as her fear of losing her position and identity.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prevent Samuel from leaving her department, as it threatens her job security and reputation. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in maintaining her authority and control.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Samuel grapples with his decision to request a transfer and Romy faces the potential consequences. The tension between the characters drives the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations between the characters. The audience is left uncertain of the outcome, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Samuel's decision to request a transfer could have significant consequences for both himself and Romy. The outcome of this decision will impact their professional and personal lives.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major plot development with Samuel's decision to request a transfer. This decision has implications for the characters and sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the characters' conflicting decisions. The audience is left unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between loyalty and self-preservation. Romy must choose between supporting Samuel's decision for his well-being or prioritizing her own interests and career advancement.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of fear, panic, and vulnerability in both characters. The audience is likely to feel a sense of tension and anticipation as the scene unfolds.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional turmoil between Romy and Samuel. The exchanges are impactful and reveal the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and motivations.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, allowing for emotional depth and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear character cues and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere and mood.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the emotional tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension and urgency, particularly through Romy's panic and Samuel's emotional struggle. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. Samuel's lines feel somewhat flat and could benefit from more emotional depth to reflect his internal conflict about the situation.
  • Romy's reaction to Samuel's decision is compelling, but the stakes could be heightened further. The audience needs to feel the weight of what losing Samuel means for Romy, both personally and professionally. Adding a line or two that reflects her deeper fears or regrets could enhance this.
  • The visual imagery of the snowy city and the rooftop setting is strong, but it could be used more effectively to mirror the characters' emotional states. For instance, the snow could symbolize the coldness of their situation or Romy's feelings of isolation. Consider incorporating more sensory details to enrich the atmosphere.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Romy's initial inquiry to Samuel's announcement. Allowing for a moment of silence or hesitation could build tension and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the situation.
  • The ending, where Romy looks at the edge of the roof, is intriguing but could be more impactful. It hints at her emotional turmoil but lacks a clear connection to her character's journey. Strengthening this moment with a more explicit internal thought or reflection could enhance its significance.
Suggestions
  • Revise Samuel's dialogue to include more emotional nuance, perhaps by expressing his fears or regrets about their relationship, which would make his decision feel more weighty.
  • Add a line or two from Romy that reveals her deeper fears about losing Samuel, such as the implications for her career or her emotional state, to raise the stakes.
  • Incorporate more sensory details about the snowy setting to reflect the characters' emotions, such as describing how the cold air feels or how the snowflakes contrast with their heated conversation.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing by including a moment of silence or hesitation after Romy's initial question, allowing the audience to feel the tension build before Samuel's announcement.
  • Enhance the final moment where Romy looks at the edge of the roof by adding an internal thought or reflection that connects this moment to her character arc, making it a more powerful conclusion to the scene.



Scene 37 - Emotional Disconnect
INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT- BEDROOM- NIGHT

In bed, Romy is glued her phone, waiting for Samuel to call
or text. Sensing her distance, Jacob tries to initiate sex.
He wants to comfort and kiss her, to make love to her.

JACOB
You want to play a little bit?

ROMY
(lying)
Yeah-
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 52.


She tries to open up to him, smile, kiss him back, but she
can’t. His touch, his scent, his breath, make her angry.
Aggressively, she rejects him. When he doesn't back off, she
pushes him away. Hard. Hurt, he looks at her.

JACOB
(startled)
Why did you do that?

She studies his face, a flood of mixed emotions. Frustration
builds up inside her.

ROMY
(quietly, emotional)
I’ve never had an orgasm with you-

JACOB
What?

He reaches for her arm.

ROMY
(hisses)
Don’t fucking touch me-

She turns her back to him, tears in her eyes.

ROMY (CONT’D)
I can’t- I can’t come with you.

JACOB
Are you alright? Hey-

ROMY
No-

She gets out of bed, grabs her phone, and walks out.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In their bedroom, Romy anxiously awaits a call from Samuel while Jacob attempts to connect with her intimately. Romy's frustration leads to an aggressive rejection, revealing her dissatisfaction with their sexual relationship. A heated confrontation ensues, culminating in Romy leaving the bed and the room, leaving Jacob confused and hurt.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intense character interactions
  • Raw vulnerability portrayed by the actors
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution in the scene
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and tension between Romy and Jacob, showcasing their struggles with intimacy and communication. The raw and intense emotions portrayed elevate the impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring unspoken desires and the breakdown of communication in a relationship is compelling and adds depth to the characters. The scene effectively conveys the complexities of human emotions and relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the emotional conflict between Romy and Jacob, moving the story forward by revealing their inner struggles and relationship dynamics. The scene adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of sexual dissatisfaction in relationships, focusing on the emotional impact and communication breakdown between the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Jacob are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, frustrations, and desires. The emotional depth and complexity of the characters drive the intensity of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Romy experiences a significant emotional revelation in the scene, expressing her unmet desires and frustrations in her relationship with Jacob. This moment marks a turning point in her emotional journey and relationship dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to confront her feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration in her relationship with Jacob. This reflects her deeper need for emotional connection and fulfillment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to express her sexual dissatisfaction to Jacob. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in their relationship dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the emotional struggles and unspoken desires of the characters. The tension between Romy and Jacob drives the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Romy's emotional outburst and rejection of Jacob creating a difficult obstacle for both characters to overcome. The audience is left uncertain of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on the intimate struggles and unspoken desires of the characters. The emotional impact of the scene heightens the stakes in their relationship dynamics.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the emotional complexities of Romy and Jacob's relationship, revealing key insights into their characters and setting the stage for further developments. The scene adds depth to the narrative arc.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional outburst from Romy and the shifting power dynamics between the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Romy's desire for emotional and sexual fulfillment and Jacob's attempt to initiate intimacy without addressing her underlying issues. This challenges Romy's beliefs about communication and intimacy in relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of anger, sadness, and frustration in the audience. The raw and intense emotions portrayed by the characters resonate deeply, creating a powerful emotional connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and tension between Romy and Jacob. The sparse yet impactful dialogue enhances the non-verbal communication and adds depth to the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the raw emotions, tension, and vulnerability displayed by the characters. The conflict and resolution keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing the conflict to unfold naturally and keeping the audience engaged. It contributes to the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic and intimate scene in a screenplay, effectively conveying the emotional intensity and character dynamics.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth through the characters' interactions and dialogue. It follows the expected format for a dramatic and intimate scene in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Romy's emotional turmoil and the tension in her relationship with Jacob. The contrast between her physical presence and emotional absence is palpable, which adds depth to her character. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety; the explicit mention of her inability to orgasm with Jacob feels a bit on-the-nose and could be conveyed through more nuanced expressions or actions.
  • Romy's aggressive rejection of Jacob is a powerful moment, but it may come off as abrupt without sufficient buildup. The scene could explore more of Romy's internal conflict leading up to this moment, perhaps through her thoughts or flashbacks that illustrate her feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction in their intimacy.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Romy's initial reluctance to her explosive rejection of Jacob. A slower build-up could enhance the emotional impact, allowing the audience to fully grasp the weight of her feelings and the strain on their relationship.
  • Jacob's reaction to Romy's aggression is somewhat passive, which may undermine the emotional stakes of the scene. It would be beneficial to show more of his confusion and hurt, perhaps through his body language or a more visceral response to her rejection. This would create a more dynamic interaction between the two characters.
  • The setting of the bedroom is a familiar one, but it could be used more effectively to reflect Romy's emotional state. Consider incorporating visual elements that symbolize her turmoil, such as dim lighting or a disheveled bed, to enhance the atmosphere and deepen the audience's understanding of her internal struggle.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding internal monologue or flashbacks to provide context for Romy's emotional state and her dissatisfaction with her relationship with Jacob. This could help the audience empathize with her struggle.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more subtle. Instead of explicitly stating her inability to orgasm, explore ways to convey her frustration through body language, tone, or indirect dialogue that hints at her feelings.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow for a more gradual build-up of tension. This could involve extending the moments of silence or hesitation before Romy's rejection, giving the audience time to feel the weight of the situation.
  • Enhance Jacob's character by giving him a more active response to Romy's aggression. This could involve him expressing confusion, hurt, or even anger, which would create a more complex dynamic between the two.
  • Utilize the bedroom setting to reflect Romy's emotional turmoil. Consider adding visual details that symbolize her inner conflict, such as a messy bed or dim lighting, to create a more immersive atmosphere.



Scene 38 - A Night of Rejection
EXT. STREETS OF NEW YORK- NIGHT

In the middle of the night she walks through the dark streets
of the city. She is wearing Ugg boots. A coat over her
nightgown.


INT. THE NINES BAR- NIGHT.

Cautiously, Romy walks in. Samuel is working behind the quiet
bar. He looks like a prince in his tuxedo. Enthusiastically,
he is telling two beautiful older women a story. Surprised to
see Romy he looks up. When she tries to greet him, he ignores
her. He whispers something in his COLLEAGUE’S(JOSH, 24) ear.
Josh walks up to her.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 53.


JOSH
(whispers)
I think it’s time to leave-

ROMY
(whispers back)
Leave? Why? I need to talk to him.

JOSH
I’m sorry- but he says you need to
leave-

ROMY
(humiliated)
He said that?

JOSH
Yes... Right now.

She looks at Samuel who looks away. Elegantly, Josh helps her
up. He escorts Romy to the door. Before she exits, Samuel
looks at her.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Romy, dressed in Ugg boots and a nightgown, walks through the dark streets of New York and enters The Nines Bar, where she attempts to greet Samuel, who is in a tuxedo and engaged with older women. Ignoring her, Samuel discreetly instructs Josh to escort Romy out, leaving her feeling humiliated despite her protests. The scene highlights the tension and vulnerability of Romy as she is forced to leave without having her say, while Samuel's dismissive attitude emphasizes the emotional disparity between them.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of tension and rejection
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited setting and character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and tension between Romy and Samuel through rejection and humiliation, creating a compelling moment of conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of rejection and humiliation in the scene is well-developed and effectively drives the emotional conflict between the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the emotional conflict between Romy and Samuel, advancing their relationship dynamics and setting up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar conflict between two characters, but adds a unique setting and atmosphere to create a fresh and engaging dynamic. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, enhancing the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed in the scene, showcasing their emotional depth and complex relationship dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Romy experiences rejection and humiliation in the scene, leading to a shift in her emotional state and relationship dynamics with Samuel.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to confront Samuel and possibly resolve a conflict or misunderstanding between them. This reflects her desire for closure, validation, or resolution in their relationship.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to talk to Samuel and possibly reconcile with him. This reflects the immediate challenge of being rejected or ignored by someone she cares about.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene has a high level of conflict due to the rejection and tension between Romy and Samuel, creating a compelling and intense moment.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Samuel's rejection of the protagonist creating a significant obstacle for her to overcome. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will be resolved, adding to the scene's tension and drama.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Romy faces rejection and humiliation from Samuel, impacting her emotional state and relationship dynamics.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by advancing the relationship dynamics between Romy and Samuel, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected rejection and dismissal of the protagonist by Samuel, creating a sense of uncertainty and tension for the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's desire for communication and resolution, and Samuel's apparent avoidance or dismissal of her. This challenges her beliefs about honesty, communication, and relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the rejection and humiliation experienced by Romy, evoking strong feelings of tension and empathy.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional turmoil between Romy and Samuel, enhancing the conflict and character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension and conflict between the characters, the mystery surrounding their relationship, and the emotional stakes involved. The reader is drawn into the scene and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, gradually escalating the conflict between the characters, and maintaining the reader's interest and engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines are concise and effective, enhancing the reader's understanding of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation, with clear character motivations and escalating tension. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building suspense and emotional impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys Romy's emotional turmoil and humiliation as she confronts Samuel in a vulnerable state. The contrast between her casual attire and the formal setting of the bar highlights her discomfort and the disparity in their relationship dynamics.
  • The use of dialogue is minimal but impactful, emphasizing Romy's desperation to connect with Samuel while showcasing his rejection. However, the scene could benefit from more internal conflict or reflection from Romy to deepen the audience's understanding of her emotional state.
  • The visual elements, such as Romy's Ugg boots and nightgown, create a strong image of her vulnerability and the late-night setting adds to the tension. However, the scene could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details about the bar environment to immerse the audience further.
  • Samuel's behavior, particularly his dismissal of Romy, effectively portrays the power imbalance in their relationship. However, it may be beneficial to explore Samuel's internal thoughts or motivations to provide a more rounded perspective on his actions.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, but the abruptness of Romy's exit could be softened with a moment of hesitation or reflection, allowing the audience to feel her emotional struggle more deeply before she is escorted out.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Romy as she enters the bar, reflecting on her feelings of inadequacy or anxiety about confronting Samuel. This could help the audience connect more with her emotional state.
  • Incorporate more descriptive sensory details about the bar, such as the sounds of laughter, clinking glasses, or the dim lighting, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Explore Samuel's perspective briefly, perhaps through a line of dialogue or a visual cue, to provide insight into his motivations for rejecting Romy, which could add complexity to his character.
  • Allow for a moment of hesitation or conflict for Romy before she is escorted out, perhaps showing her desire to confront Samuel despite the humiliation, which would enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Consider using body language and facial expressions more prominently to convey the tension between Romy and Samuel, allowing the audience to feel the unspoken emotions in their interaction.



Scene 39 - Unspoken Tensions
INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT- KITCHEN DAY

In the early morning, Romy and Jacob stand in the kitchen. A
tense silence between them. Jacob is on his way out but
lingers.

JACOB
Did you order the headphones for
Isabel’s birthday?

She nods. She stares at the gifts. He is waiting for her to
start talking. She doesn’t.

JACOB (CONT’D)
(with controlled
frustration)
Did you- Did you mean what you
said? About never-

ROMY
(emotional)
I was just taking it out on you- Of
course I didn't mean it. That would
be- Nineteen years of- I mean; no,
I was angry. I was stressed. Of
course I didn't mean it- I am
sorry.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 54.


JACOB
(vulnerable)
I- I’ve never- Normally, you know-
Women- you know, they-

ROMY
I’m not normal. I’m not other
women! Look at me. I’m not normal.

She wants him to comfort her. He stares at her.

JACOB
(to hurt her)
No. You’re not.

He walks out.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the early morning kitchen, Romy and Jacob face a tense silence as Jacob questions Romy about headphones for Isabel's birthday. Frustration mounts as Jacob confronts Romy about her hurtful words regarding their relationship. Romy, emotional and apologetic, tries to clarify her feelings, but Jacob struggles to express his vulnerability. The conversation escalates, leading to Jacob's cold acknowledgment of Romy's uniqueness before he walks out, leaving Romy alone amidst the unresolved tension.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Vulnerability
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional tension between Romy and Jacob through their dialogue and actions, creating a sense of regret, anger, and hurt. The vulnerability displayed by both characters adds depth to their relationship and sets the stage for potential character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of a heated argument and the emotional dynamics between Romy and Jacob is compelling. The scene effectively delves into the complexities of their relationship and sets the stage for potential character growth and resolution.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the emotional fallout of the argument between Romy and Jacob, highlighting their struggles to communicate and understand each other. While the scene is character-driven, it sets the stage for potential plot developments in their relationship.

Originality: 7

The scene presents a familiar scenario of relationship tension but adds depth through the characters' emotional complexity and dialogue authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Jacob are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their emotional depth, vulnerabilities, and complexities. The dialogue and actions of the characters reveal layers of their personalities and hint at potential growth and change.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Jacob experience emotional shifts in this scene, revealing their vulnerabilities and unspoken feelings. The confrontation prompts introspection and potential growth for the characters, setting the stage for further development in their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to seek validation and comfort from Jacob, despite her emotional outburst. This reflects her deeper need for reassurance and understanding in their relationship.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal in this scene is to apologize and mend the rift caused by her angry words. This reflects the immediate challenge of repairing their relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the emotional turmoil and tension between Romy and Jacob as they struggle to communicate and understand each other. The unresolved issues between the characters create a sense of unease and anticipation for potential resolution.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and unresolved issues between Romy and Jacob creating obstacles to their reconciliation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are emotional and personal, revolving around the strained relationship between Romy and Jacob. The unresolved conflicts and unspoken words between the characters heighten the tension and anticipation for potential outcomes.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene primarily focuses on the emotional dynamics between Romy and Jacob, it sets the stage for potential story developments in their relationship. The unresolved issues and tensions between the characters hint at future plot twists and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of the characters' emotional responses and the outcome of their conversation, adding tension and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between societal expectations of gender roles and individuality. Romy challenges the idea of being 'normal' or conforming to traditional norms.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the raw emotions and vulnerabilities of Romy and Jacob. The intense feelings of regret, anger, and hurt resonate with viewers, creating a powerful connection to the characters and their struggles.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and tension between Romy and Jacob, revealing their inner thoughts and feelings. The exchanges between the characters drive the scene forward and deepen the audience's understanding of their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the emotional tension between the characters and the unresolved conflict, keeping the audience invested in their relationship.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear dialogue attribution and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dramatic confrontation, with clear character motivations and emotional beats.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Romy and Jacob, showcasing their emotional distance and unresolved conflicts. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, instead of stating 'I was just taking it out on you,' Romy could express her feelings in a more nuanced way, perhaps by reflecting on her own insecurities or fears about their relationship.
  • Jacob's line, 'I’ve never- Normally, you know- Women- you know, they-' feels vague and could be more specific to convey his feelings better. This line could be reworked to reveal more about his character and his past experiences with women, which would deepen the audience's understanding of his vulnerability.
  • The use of silence is effective in building tension, but it might be beneficial to include some physical actions or reactions from Romy and Jacob during the silence to visually represent their emotional states. For example, Romy could fidget with the gifts or avoid eye contact, which would add layers to their interaction.
  • Romy's declaration, 'I’m not normal. I’m not other women!' is a strong moment, but it could be more impactful if it were tied to a specific experience or feeling that highlights her uniqueness. This would make her plea for understanding more relatable and poignant.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Jacob walking out, which is effective in conveying his hurt, but it might leave the audience wanting more resolution. Consider adding a moment where Romy reacts to his departure, perhaps showing her regret or realization of the consequences of her words.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue by incorporating more subtext and specificity to reveal deeper emotions and character backgrounds.
  • Consider adding physical actions or reactions during the tense silence to visually convey the characters' emotional states.
  • Rework Jacob's vague line about women to provide more insight into his character and past experiences.
  • Tie Romy's declaration of uniqueness to a specific experience or feeling to make it more relatable and impactful.
  • Add a moment of reflection for Romy after Jacob leaves to show her emotional response and deepen the scene's impact.



Scene 40 - Tension in the Basement
INT. OFFICE BUILDING WINDOWLESS BASEMENT ROOM- DAY

Romy sits at the small table. Her hair is messy. Her palms
are sweaty. Anxious, she stares at the door. Her heart is
beating too fast. She lays her hand on her chest to calm
herself down. After a while, Samuel enters. Quickly, she gets
up.

ROMY
Hi-

SAMUEL
I have 7 minutes.

ROMY
Thank you for coming.

He leans against a wall. He remains silent. Her mind is
racing.

ROMY (CONT’D)
(worried)
Did you talk to them already?

He doesn’t respond. She tries to sound calm. In charge.

ROMY (CONT’D)
Ok. So. What can we do to- solve
this? To make you feel better?

SAMUEL
You’re sweating.

Embarrassed, she touches her forehead.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 55.


ROMY
Sorry.

A long beat. He thinks.

SAMUEL
(genuine)
Do you want to lose everything?

ROMY
What?

SAMUEL
You give that impression.

ROMY
What do you mean?

SAMUEL
The way you look at me.
As if you’re expecting me to- do
that. To take it all away.

She shakes her head.

ROMY
No.

SAMUEL
Until you have nothing? Until you
are nothing?

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Are you using me to do that?

ROMY
(convincing herself)
No, of course not.

SAMUEL
That scares the shit out of me.

ROMY
(firm)
No- I’m not doing that. I promise.
I’m not.
(speaking slowly to
convince him)
I just think cause you’re young and
I’m older than you-
(searching for the right
words)
I want to be protective. I don’t
want to hurt you-
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 56.


SAMUEL
You keep saying that- but- I’m
fine. I’m totally fine. I think
you’re the one who’s hurting.

A beat. His words touch her. She feels seen. He shifts his
tone. Her vulnerability softens his heart. He goes to sit
down.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(reassuring)
Listen- You don’t have to worry
about it. What we do is- If we
continue to do this-
(fatherly, explaining)
It’s totally normal. I mean... - as
long as it’s... you know-
consensual-

ROMY
(cold)
What does that mean?

SAMUEL
It’s about giving and taking power,
no?

ROMY
(sarcastic)
Come on- What did you do? Go to the
library, looked it up?

SAMUEL
No! I’m just saying- It has nothing
to do with your- family or the
company- It’s between us.

ROMY
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to- I’m
just nervous.

SAMUEL
You’re nervous? Yeah you look
nervous. You’re all.. You’re acting
all...

He imitates her nervous gestures.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(genuine)
Why are you nervous? Why are you so
nervous?

She shrugs, a faint smile in her eyes.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 57.


SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Just to be safe- If we continue to
do this- We need to set some rules-
that you and I both agree on. Like;
I don’t know....
(as if he is making it up
as he goes)
...starting with: I tell you what
to do and- you do it.

He smiles, aware of how that sounds.

ROMY
Oh, come on... Jesus Christ!

Samuel gets up to leave.

SAMUEL
(rejected)
See! This is what I mean- this is
what I’m talking about-

He walks to the door. Worried, Romy tries to stop him from
leaving.

ROMY
I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, No, no,
no, wait come on- Sit down. I’m
sorry- Sit down.

He hesitates.

ROMY (CONT’D)
Please?

He sits back down again. They look at each other. Silence.
Tension builds. He is waiting for her to speak.

SAMUEL
You have to be the one to say it.
That’s how this works.

ROMY
How what works? I don’t-

SAMUEL
This! The dynamic. It’s about
trust!

ROMY
(half smiling)
I thought you said it had to be
consensual.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 58.


He can’t help but laugh.

SAMUEL
Yes, that’s what consent is Romy!
That’s what it is. You have to
agree to it. Both parties have to
agree to it.

ROMY
And if I don’t?

SAMUEL
Then I will have to go talk to
someone-

ROMY
No, don’t do that. Please?

They look at each other.

SAMUEL
(genuine)
Come on. Just admit that this is
what you want. Be honest.

She exhales, nervous. He studies her.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
You don’t look comfortable. You
don’t look comfortable at all-
(he pauses)
Why don’t you sit over there?

He points to the table.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Sit on the edge, right there-

She stares at him. Slowly, she gets up and walks over to the
edge of the table. She sits down and looks at him unsure of
what he expects her to do. He gets up and pretends to move to
the door.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Ok, you need to say it out loud,
otherwise I’m gonna have to go talk
to someone and ask to be
transferred-

ROMY SAMUEL (CONT’D)
No, wait wait- I’ll go talk to them-
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 59.


ROMY (CONT’D)
(as if asking for a line)
What are the words?

SAMUEL
(smiling at her childlike
behavior)
You know the words.

ROMY
I don’t- I- don’t.

SAMUEL
(a little exasperated)
You do. Just say it.

ROMY
Ok, ok--I’ll say it.

He steps towards her, places his hand on her thigh. She
inhales deeply. He whispers into her ear:

SAMUEL
I need to hear you say...

He slides his hand under her skirt. She can’t help but moan.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
You can do it.

ROMY
(whispering)
What do you want me to say?

SAMUEL
(slowly)
I... will... do...

ROMY
I will do-

She feels his fingers between her legs.

SAMUEL
Whatever you tell me to do.

ROMY
Whatever you tell me to do.

His scent makes her brain melt. She starts to breath heavily.

ROMY (CONT’D)
I will do whatever you tell me to
do.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 60.


SAMUEL
Say it again.

She looks up at him like a child.

ROMY
I will do whatever you tell me to
do.

SAMUEL
Good.

Quickly, he pulls his hand out from her skirt, and walks out
the room. Leaving her on edge. Her eyes go dark. She is
panting.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a claustrophobic basement, Romy anxiously awaits Samuel, who imposes a time limit that amplifies her nervousness. Their conversation reveals Romy's fear of losing everything and her desire to protect Samuel, while he expresses concern for her emotional state. As they navigate their complex feelings, Samuel proposes establishing rules for their relationship, leading to an intimate moment where Romy submits to his request. However, the scene ends abruptly with Samuel leaving, leaving Romy in emotional turmoil.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of power dynamics
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Tense and intimate atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Potential for discomfort due to sensitive subject matter

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates tension and vulnerability through the dialogue and actions of the characters, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring power dynamics, consent, and vulnerability in a dramatic and intimate setting is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the evolving power dynamic between Romy and Samuel, adding depth to their relationship and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of control, consent, and vulnerability. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, desires, and the complex interplay of power between them.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel experience shifts in their dynamic and emotional states, revealing new layers to their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and protect herself from potential harm or vulnerability. This reflects her deeper need for security and autonomy.

External Goal: 7.5

Romy's external goal is to navigate a difficult conversation with Samuel and potentially salvage their relationship or partnership. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is palpable, stemming from the power struggle and emotional intensity between Romy and Samuel.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting power dynamics and hidden agendas that keep the audience guessing about the characters' true intentions.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the power dynamics and emotional vulnerability of the characters, adding intensity and importance to their interactions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Romy and Samuel, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and the unexpected turn of events in the interaction between Romy and Samuel.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around power dynamics, consent, and trust. It challenges Romy's beliefs about control, vulnerability, and honesty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through its portrayal of vulnerability, tension, and desire, drawing the audience into the complex dynamics between the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension, vulnerability, and power dynamics between Romy and Samuel, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense dialogue, subtle power dynamics, and the slow build-up of tension between the characters.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that leaves the audience on edge.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct character actions and dialogue. It follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a natural progression of tension and conflict, leading to a climactic moment. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and vulnerability between Romy and Samuel, showcasing their complex dynamic. However, the dialogue can feel repetitive at times, particularly in Romy's attempts to reassure Samuel. This could be streamlined to maintain the intensity without losing the emotional weight.
  • Romy's character is portrayed as anxious and submissive, which aligns with the power dynamics at play. However, it may be beneficial to explore her internal conflict more deeply. This could involve her reflecting on her motivations and fears, adding layers to her character and making her eventual submission more impactful.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but there are moments where the tension could be heightened further. For instance, the pauses and beats could be more pronounced to emphasize the emotional stakes, particularly when Samuel questions Romy's intentions. This would enhance the reader's engagement and heighten the sense of urgency.
  • The use of physicality in the scene is effective, particularly Samuel's gestures and Romy's reactions. However, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to paint a vivid picture of their surroundings and body language. This would help ground the reader in the moment and enhance the emotional resonance.
  • The ending leaves Romy in a state of emotional turmoil, which is compelling. However, it might be more powerful if there were a clearer indication of her internal struggle as she processes what just happened. This could be achieved through a brief internal monologue or a more explicit physical reaction that conveys her conflicting feelings.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate repetitive phrases and enhance the flow of conversation. Focus on key emotional beats to maintain tension.
  • Explore Romy's internal conflict more explicitly, perhaps through brief internal thoughts or reflections that reveal her motivations and fears.
  • Enhance the pacing by emphasizing pauses and beats during critical moments, particularly when Samuel questions Romy's intentions, to build suspense.
  • Incorporate more descriptive language to vividly depict the setting and characters' body language, helping to immerse the reader in the scene.
  • Add a clearer indication of Romy's emotional state at the end of the scene, possibly through a brief internal monologue or a physical reaction that conveys her turmoil.



Scene 41 - Intimate Vulnerability
INT. LUXURIOUS HOTEL ROOM DAY

The presidential suite. A long hallway with doors leading to
the many different beautiful, luxurious rooms. Romy stands in
front of a golden mirror and checks her reflection. A knock
on the door. She starts walking towards it.


INT. LUXURIOUS HOTEL- SUITE- DAY

1. Nervous, Romy opens the door. They both smile. He walks
past her.

SAMUEL
(childlike)
Hey! There’s a whole living room in
here!

2. Cut to: Silence. Totally different atmosphere. Romy sits
on a sofa in the living room. He sits opposite her. She wants
to get up and kiss him.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Stay.

She sits down. He stares at her.

ROMY
Don’t stare at me.


SAMUEL
Why?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 61.


ROMY
I don’t like to be looked at.

SAMUEL
Ok.
(he looks away)
I understand that.
(a beat)
Go make yourself a drink.

ROMY
I don’t- (drink).

She stops herself. Gets up, and takes one of the small
bottles of liquor. She sits down again. She takes a small
sip.

SAMUEL
All of it.

ROMY
No.

SAMUEL
(smiling)
Don’t say no.

She drinks.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Take your panties off.

She looks at her hands.

ROMY
You take them off.

SAMUEL
(calmly smiling)
Don’t tell me what to do.

She takes them off.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Open your legs.

She does. A tiny bit. He looks at her.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
How does that make you feel?

ROMY
Scared.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 62.


SAMUEL
Ok.
(he pauses)
You want to take your dress off for
me now? So I can see you?

She shakes her head.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
But you’re going to do it anyway?

She pauses, thinks about it for a moment and nods.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
-can’t hear you-

ROMY
Yes.

SAMUEL
Yes what?

ROMY
Yes, I will take my dress off.

SAMUEL
Ok.

She gets up. She turns around and starts to unzip the dress.
When it falls to the floor, she takes her bra off, still with
her back to him. Slowly, unsure of herself, she turns towards
him. With her hands she tries to cover herself. He studies
her body, taking his time to admire it. She blushes.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
You’re beautiful.

Embarrassed, she looks away. Standing in front of him like
this makes her feel small. She can’t help but get emotional.

ROMY
(soft)
No...

SAMUEL
(gentle)
You are.

She shakes her head. Tears in her eyes. All she feels is self
hate. He gets up and gently kisses her, still fully clothed.
She is completely naked, vulnerable. He takes her in his
strong arms. She relaxes.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 63.


SAMUEL (CONT’D)
You’re so beautiful.

She breathes out.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(whispering, almost
inaudible in her ear)
You’re my babygirl.

Slowly, he guides her down to her knees. She looks up.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Go ahead.

She unbuckles his belt. Father Figure by George Michael
starts to play.

CUT TO:

3. While we continue to hear Father Figure over the rest of
the scene, Samuel, a whiskey in his hand, dances shirtless.
Across the room, Romy sits in an arm chair watching him, legs
crossed in front of her, dressed in a white robe. He dances
for her.

4. Cut to: Close on Romy’s lips. He sticks his fingers in her
mouth. She sucks on them. He moves them in and out of her
mouth. They kiss.

5. He dances, she touches his chest. He takes her hand and
pulls her close. They slow dance together.

6. Cut to: They sit in the window, very close.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
What’s the safe word?

ROMY
What?

SAMUEL
Don’t we need a safe word?

She nods.

ROMY
(shy)
Eh- Jacob?

SAMUEL
(smiling)
You’re husbands name?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 64.


She nods.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
(kind)
Ok.

Cut to:

7. They sit on chairs next to each other. A tray filled with
cakes and tea between them. He takes a jug of milk and pours
some of it into a saucer. He puts it on the floor, between
his legs. Patiently, he waits for her to understand what she
is supposed to do. She gets down on her hands and knees and
crawls to the saucer. When she starts to drink from the milk
like a kitten, he gently pulls her hair back. When the saucer
is empty, she looks at him, milk dripping off her chin. He
kisses her cheeks, her lips. Licks the milk off of her face
and lips. They kiss.

8. He carries her in his arms like a baby and moves to the
music (still Father Figure).

9. Samuel’s hand around Romy’s throat. He dances with her
from behind. As he squeezes her neck, she leans back into his
body.

10. In the bedroom they have sex. Romy straddles Samuel as
they make love. Father Figure ends.

11. They lay under the white sheets, in bed, happily
exhausted. Their faces very close together, they look into
each others eyes and whisper.

SAMUEL (CONT’D)
Can you do your therapy on me?

ROMY
(laughing)
No.

SAMUEL
Cause you’re afraid of what might
come out of me?

ROMY
No, because I’m not a therapist.

SAMUEL
(genuine question)
Do you think I’m a - bad...person?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 65.


ROMY
No. You’re a lovely person. You
sense things- You know things- what
people want- what they need-

SAMUEL
I scare myself. Sometimes.

She moves closer to him.

ROMY
You don’t scare me.

She thinks for a moment.

ROMY (CONT’D)
What star sign are you?

He laughs.

SAMUEL
I don’t believe in that shit.
(a beat, he looks into her
eyes, and then
vulnerable:)
Can you hold me?

She does.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a luxurious hotel suite, Romy nervously prepares for Samuel's arrival, exploring her surroundings while grappling with self-doubt about her body. Samuel encourages her to embrace her vulnerability, leading to a series of intimate moments filled with playful banter and sensuality. As they dance and share their insecurities, Romy gradually opens up, finding comfort in Samuel's reassurances. The scene culminates in a tender exchange in bed, where they discuss their feelings and vulnerabilities, deepening their emotional connection.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional depth
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Effective portrayal of vulnerability and desire
Weaknesses
  • Potential for discomfort due to power dynamics
  • Lack of external plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and establishes a deep connection between the characters. The tension, vulnerability, and desire are palpable, creating a compelling and emotionally charged atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring vulnerability, desire, and power dynamics in a romantic encounter is well-executed. The scene delves deep into the characters' emotions and desires.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene focuses more on character dynamics and emotional intimacy than plot progression, it serves as a pivotal moment in the relationship between Romy and Samuel.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring intimacy and power dynamics, with a focus on emotional vulnerability and self-discovery. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed, showcasing vulnerability, desire, and emotional complexity. Their interactions drive the scene and reveal deeper layers of their personalities.

Character Changes: 9

Both Romy and Samuel undergo emotional changes in the scene, revealing new layers of vulnerability, desire, and intimacy. Their relationship evolves significantly.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to navigate her feelings of vulnerability and self-worth in a situation where she is being asked to expose herself emotionally and physically. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance and validation, as well as her fear of judgment and rejection.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal in this scene is to engage in a sexual encounter with Samuel, reflecting the immediate challenge of exploring intimacy and boundaries in a complex relationship dynamic.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The scene contains internal conflicts within the characters, especially regarding vulnerability, desire, and power dynamics. The tension adds depth to the emotional dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and power dynamics between the characters creating tension and uncertainty. The audience is left unsure of the outcome, adding to the dramatic impact of the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The emotional stakes are high in the scene, particularly in terms of vulnerability, desire, and intimacy between Romy and Samuel. The outcome of their interactions has significant emotional consequences.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene focuses more on character development and emotional depth than plot progression, it moves the relationship between Romy and Samuel forward, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and emotional revelations between the characters. The audience is kept on edge by the unexpected turns in the interaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the power struggle between control and vulnerability, as well as the exploration of consent and agency in intimate relationships. This challenges Romy's beliefs about self-worth and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, particularly in terms of vulnerability, desire, and emotional intimacy. The characters' emotional journey resonates deeply.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, desires, and vulnerabilities. It adds depth to their interactions and enhances the intimacy of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its raw and intimate portrayal of complex relationships, drawing the audience into the emotional journey of the characters. The tension and vulnerability create a compelling narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth gradually, allowing the audience to immerse themselves in the characters' emotional journey. The rhythm of the scene enhances the impact of key moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is effective in conveying the emotional intensity and power dynamics between the characters. The use of scene direction and dialogue formatting enhances the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a clear progression of events, building tension and emotional depth through dialogue and action. The formatting enhances the atmosphere and character development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and vulnerability of Romy as she navigates her complex relationship with Samuel. The dialogue is sharp and reveals the power dynamics at play, particularly in how Samuel directs Romy's actions while she grapples with her self-image and emotional state.
  • The use of physical actions, such as Romy taking off her dress and the intimate moments that follow, conveys a strong sense of vulnerability and submission. However, the scene risks crossing into uncomfortable territory, as it may be interpreted as romanticizing unhealthy power dynamics. This could alienate some viewers who may find the portrayal of consent and agency problematic.
  • The contrast between the luxurious setting and Romy's emotional turmoil is well-executed, enhancing the sense of isolation she feels despite the opulence around her. However, the scene could benefit from more internal monologue or visual cues that further illustrate Romy's internal conflict, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with her emotional state.
  • The dialogue, while impactful, occasionally feels stilted or overly scripted, particularly in Samuel's lines. More naturalistic dialogue could enhance the authenticity of their interaction. Additionally, the repetition of certain phrases, like 'You’re beautiful,' could be varied to avoid redundancy and maintain engagement.
  • The transition from the intimate moments to the playful interactions, such as the milk scene, feels abrupt. While it adds a layer of complexity to their relationship, it may disrupt the emotional flow. A smoother transition or a clearer thematic connection between these moments could enhance the overall coherence of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating more internal thoughts or flashbacks for Romy to provide context for her emotional state and deepen the audience's understanding of her character.
  • Explore the dynamics of consent more thoroughly. Ensure that Romy's agency is clear throughout the scene, perhaps by giving her more moments of active choice rather than passive submission.
  • Revise Samuel's dialogue to sound more natural and less scripted. This could involve using more colloquial language or varying his tone to reflect his character's complexity.
  • Enhance the transitions between intimate and playful moments to maintain emotional continuity. This could involve adding a brief moment of reflection for Romy or a change in the music that mirrors her emotional journey.
  • Consider the implications of the power dynamics at play and how they are portrayed. Ensure that the relationship between Romy and Samuel is nuanced, allowing for moments of genuine connection alongside the tension.



Scene 42 - A Birthday Celebration with Hidden Tensions
INT. JACOB AND ROMY’S APARTMENT LIVING ROOM-DAY

Overhead shot of Nora spinning in her red dress. Loud music
is playing. She is dancing the tarantella. Nora dances
wildly. Beautiful. Animalistic. Out of control. Romy sits on
the sofa and stares at her daughter.


INT. EMDR CLINIC/ UNDEFINED SPACE

Romy with headphones and wrist bands on. Her eyes move from
left to right, following the light bar. The therapist counts
out loud. Flashback to Romy’s childhood: kids covered in
paint are dancing, screaming-



CUT TO:


INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT- LIVING ROOM- DAY

Teenagers dancing just as wild as Romy did when she was a
child. Isabel is turning 16.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 66.


Isabel’s friends are having fun, among them, Mary. Romy
watches them. When the doorbell rings, Romy rushes to the
door. She opens the door and is shocked to see Samuel and
Esme smiling at her. Esme has a big present in her hands.

ESME
Hi!

SAMUEL
Hi!

ROMY
(smiling)
Come in!

Hiding her panic, Romy guides them to the living room.

ESME
(quiet in her ear, re
Samuel)
You don’t mind, do you?

ROMY
(smiling)
No, of course not.

Esme and Samuel greet Isabel.


INT. ROMY AND JACOBS APARTMENT LIVING ROOM-DAY

Worried, Romy observes Samuel who is talking to Jacob. Esme
is dancing with Isabel and Mary. She takes out her phone and
types. She watches Samuel take out his phone.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene unfolds with Nora dancing passionately in a red dress, captivating Romy, who is watching from the sofa. It transitions to Romy at an EMDR clinic, recalling a childhood memory. Back at Jacob and Romy's apartment, Isabel celebrates her 16th birthday with friends, dancing energetically. Romy is surprised by the arrival of Samuel and Esme, who bring a present, and despite her hidden panic, she welcomes them. As the party continues, Romy observes the interactions between Samuel, Jacob, and the other guests, feeling a mix of joy and underlying anxiety as she navigates her emotions.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and anxiety present in a family gathering, with well-executed character interactions and emotional depth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family gathering disrupted by unexpected guests is engaging and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene focuses on the dynamics between the characters and the tensions that arise from the unexpected visit, moving the story forward in terms of character development.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on family dynamics and trauma, blending past and present experiences to create a compelling narrative. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and resonate with the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic, adding depth to the scene and the overall story.

Character Changes: 7

The characters experience shifts in their emotions and relationships during the scene, particularly Romy who is caught off guard and faces unexpected challenges.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to confront her past and come to terms with her childhood trauma. This reflects her deeper need for healing and understanding of herself.

External Goal: 7.5

Romy's external goal is to navigate the social situation with Samuel and Esme's unexpected visit and maintain a sense of normalcy for her daughter's birthday party.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the unexpected visit of Samuel and Esme, leading to tensions and emotional turmoil within the family.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Romy facing internal and external conflicts that challenge her beliefs and decisions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how Romy will navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as Romy navigates unexpected guests and the resulting tensions within her family, leading to potential consequences for their relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and tensions within the family dynamic, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of Samuel and Esme, introducing a new element of conflict and tension into the narrative. The audience is left wondering how Romy will handle the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around Romy's internal struggles with her past and her desire to protect her daughter from similar experiences. This challenges her beliefs about family, trauma, and resilience.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the mix of emotions and tensions present, drawing the audience into the characters' experiences.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between the characters, adding to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character dynamics, and the suspenseful buildup of tension. The audience is drawn into the characters' conflicts and motivations, eager to see how they will unfold.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of introspective moments and active dialogue that keeps the story moving forward. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and builds suspense effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. It adheres to industry standards and enhances readability for the reader.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct beats and transitions between locations, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow. The formatting aligns with the genre's expectations and enhances the visual storytelling.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the carefree, wild energy of Nora's dance with Romy's internal struggle, creating a strong emotional contrast. However, the transition between the two settings (the living room and the EMDR clinic) could be more fluid. The abrupt cut from Nora's vibrant dance to Romy's therapy session feels disjointed and may confuse the audience about the emotional connection between the two moments.
  • Romy's panic when Samuel and Esme arrive is a compelling emotional beat, but it could be enhanced by showing more of her internal conflict. Instead of just hiding her panic, consider incorporating physical cues or internal monologue that reveals her thoughts and feelings about Samuel's presence at her daughter's party.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks depth. For instance, Esme's quiet comment to Romy about Samuel could be more revealing of their relationship dynamics. Adding subtext to their interactions could heighten the tension and intrigue, making the audience more invested in Romy's emotional state.
  • The scene's pacing feels uneven. The initial energy of Nora's dance is engaging, but the subsequent interactions with Samuel and Esme slow down the momentum. Consider balancing the pacing by interspersing more dynamic actions or reactions from Romy as she navigates her feelings about the party and Samuel's presence.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the overhead shots and the contrasting settings. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds, smells, or even the atmosphere of the party could enhance the reader's experience and make the scene more vivid.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Romy reflects on her childhood memories triggered by Nora's dance before transitioning to the EMDR clinic. This could create a more cohesive emotional arc.
  • Incorporate more physical reactions from Romy when Samuel and Esme arrive, such as fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, or a moment of hesitation before she smiles. This will help convey her internal conflict more effectively.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Romy, Esme, and Samuel by adding layers of subtext. For example, Esme could make a comment that hints at her awareness of Romy's feelings for Samuel, creating tension and intrigue.
  • To improve pacing, consider intercutting between the party and Romy's internal thoughts or reactions, allowing the audience to feel her anxiety and excitement simultaneously.
  • Add sensory details to the scene, such as the music's volume, the laughter of the teenagers, or the smell of food, to create a more immersive atmosphere that draws the audience into the moment.



Scene 43 - Tension in the Kitchen
INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT- KITCHEN- DAY

Romy is doing the dishes. Samuel enters.

ROMY
(whispers)
What are you doing?

SAMUEL
What do you mean?

ROMY
Why are you here?
(she tries to understand)
With her?

SAMUEL
We see each other.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 67.


ROMY
What does that mean?

SAMUEL
What did you want me to say to her?
‘No I can’t come with you because-’

ROMY
Are you dating her?

SAMUEL
Isn’t that man in the living room
your husband?

Romy takes a step towards him. With her forehead she touches
his, as if she’s going to head-butt him. It’s intimidating.
He pushes back.

ROMY
(whispers)
I don’t want you to see other
women. You’re mine-

Fueled by jealousy she can’t control herself. Suddenly, they
hear someone coming. When Esme appears in the doorway, Romy
drops a glass. Samuel immediately kneels and starts to pick
up the shards. Uneasy, Esme stares at them.

ESME
Everything ok?

SAMUEL
I was just asking if I could help
with anything...

ROMY
(to Samuel)
Yes!
(gesturing to the broken
glass)
Please, can you clean that up?

Esme isn’t sure what is going on. She forces a smile on her
face.

ESME
It’s a lovely party.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a charged kitchen confrontation, Romy confronts Samuel about his relationship with another woman, revealing her jealousy and possessiveness. Samuel counters by pointing out her husband in the living room, escalating the tension. Their argument is interrupted by Esme's cheerful entrance, which only heightens the awkwardness as Romy drops a glass, prompting Samuel to kneel and clean up the shards. The scene ends unresolved, with Esme attempting to lighten the mood.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Realistic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and emotional complexity between Romy and Samuel, setting up a significant conflict in their relationship. The dialogue and character interactions are compelling, drawing the audience into the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a confrontational scene in a domestic setting like a kitchen adds depth to the characters and their relationship dynamics. It explores themes of jealousy, insecurity, and power struggles in a compelling way.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the escalating conflict between Romy and Samuel, setting up future developments in their relationship. It advances the overall narrative by revealing key tensions and emotions between the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of jealousy and possessiveness in relationships. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and raw, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, insecurities, and conflicting desires. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel undergo emotional changes in this scene, revealing their vulnerabilities, insecurities, and conflicting desires. The confrontation leads to a shift in their dynamic and sets the stage for further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal is to assert her dominance and control over Samuel, expressing her jealousy and possessiveness. This reflects her deeper need for security and validation in the relationship.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to maintain a facade of normalcy in front of Esme while dealing with the tension between her and Samuel. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing her emotions and relationships.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between Romy and Samuel. The power dynamics and emotional stakes create a compelling and intense confrontation that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and emotions driving the conflict between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Romy and Samuel confront their insecurities, desires, and power dynamics. The outcome of their interaction will have significant consequences for their relationship and the overall narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between Romy and Samuel, setting up future developments in their relationship. It reveals key tensions and emotions that will impact the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' volatile emotions and unexpected actions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty and desire. Romy struggles with her desire to possess Samuel while also wanting him to be loyal to her. This challenges her beliefs about love and relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, anxiety, fear, and humiliation in the audience. The raw emotions and vulnerabilities of the characters resonate strongly, drawing the audience into their struggles.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotional intensity and power dynamics between Romy and Samuel. It reveals their inner thoughts, fears, and desires, adding depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the characters' complex relationships and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions. The dialogue is properly formatted.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dramatic confrontation, with escalating tension and a climactic moment. The dialogue and actions flow naturally.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Romy and Samuel, showcasing Romy's jealousy and possessiveness. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. The exchanges feel somewhat flat and could benefit from more emotional depth or subtext to heighten the stakes of their confrontation.
  • Romy's physical action of touching her forehead to Samuel's is a strong visual moment, but it could be enhanced by adding more internal thoughts or feelings to convey her emotional turmoil. This would help the audience connect more deeply with her character.
  • The introduction of Esme creates an awkward interruption, which is effective in escalating the tension. However, Esme's reaction feels somewhat passive. It might be more engaging if she had a more active role in the scene, perhaps by expressing her own confusion or concern about the situation.
  • The dialogue lacks a sense of urgency that could elevate the emotional stakes. For instance, Romy's jealousy could be expressed more vividly through her words and actions, making her desperation more palpable.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Esme's comment about the party, which feels like a missed opportunity to explore the emotional fallout of the confrontation. A brief moment of silence or a lingering look between Romy and Samuel could enhance the tension and leave the audience wanting more.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue to convey the characters' underlying emotions. For example, Romy could use sarcasm or humor to mask her jealousy, which would add complexity to her character.
  • Enhance Romy's internal conflict by including brief voiceover thoughts or flashbacks that illustrate her feelings of insecurity and fear of losing Samuel, making her emotional state clearer to the audience.
  • Give Esme a more active role in the scene. Perhaps she could ask probing questions that reveal her suspicions or concerns, adding another layer of tension and complexity to the interaction.
  • Increase the stakes by having Romy confront Samuel about specific feelings or memories that make her jealous, rather than general statements. This specificity can create a more intense emotional exchange.
  • Consider extending the scene to allow for a moment of silence or a lingering look after Esme's entrance, which would heighten the tension and give the audience a moment to absorb the emotional weight of the confrontation.



Scene 44 - Tensions of Friendship
INT. OFFICE BUILDING ROMY'S OFFICE- DAY

Romy stands at the window, she looks down on the city. Esme
knocks on the door.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 68.


ROMY
Come in.

ESME
You wanted to see me?

ROMY
Yes! Hi! Sit down.

Romy’s eyes are soft, her tone friendly.

ROMY (CONT’D)
How are you?

ESME
Well. Thank you. You?

ROMY
How is Samuel?

ESME
(shy)
What? I thought we were going to
talk about-

ROMY
(friendly)
I just wanted to make sure
everything is ok, since we’re
supposed to discuss your future
soon-

ESME
Yes. I know. I mean, that’s what I-

Romy lowers her voice.

ROMY
You have to be careful, Esme, he’s
an intern.

Romy stops herself. With big eyes, Esme looks at her.

ROMY (CONT’D)
I don’t want to sound dramatic, but
you’re in a position of power over
him.

Esme stares at Romy, with a mixture of suspicion and worry.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 69.


ESME
(trying to find the right
words)
Oh- Ehh- we’ve just been hanging
out-
(fast)
As friends. We’re not-

ROMY
You can tell me anything. You know
that, right?

ESME
I didn’t think it would be a big
deal to bring him- but you’re
right. I am so sorry-

ROMY
I just want to protect you.

Romy’s phone buzzes. Close on the screen: It’s Samuel. Like a
junky she grabs the phone.

ROMY (CONT’D)
Sorry, one moment-

Quickly, Romy walks out.

SAMUEL
(on the phone)
I want to see you tonight

Loud House music starts playing.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In Romy's office, she expresses concern for Esme's well-being and her relationship with Samuel, an intern. Despite Esme's attempts to downplay their connection as merely friendship, Romy warns her about the potential complications of their power dynamics. The conversation is filled with warmth but also tension, highlighting Romy's protective instincts. The scene concludes with Romy stepping out to take a call from Samuel, leaving Esme alone with her thoughts.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tension and vulnerability
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Relatively contained setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys tension, intimacy, and anxiety through the dialogue and interactions between Romy and Esme. It sets up a compelling dynamic that leaves the audience wanting to know more.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring power dynamics, protection, and vulnerability in relationships is compelling and well-executed in the scene. It adds depth to the characters and sets up future conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the interaction between Romy and Esme, setting up potential conflicts and character arcs. It adds layers to the overall narrative and builds intrigue.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the common theme of workplace relationships by focusing on the mentorship aspect and the importance of maintaining professional boundaries. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Esme are well-developed in the scene, showcasing their complexities, motivations, and relationships. Their interactions feel authentic and engaging.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets up potential growth and development for Romy and Esme in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to protect Esme and guide her in her professional relationships. This reflects Romy's deeper desire to mentor and support her colleagues.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal in this scene is to address the potential inappropriate relationship between Esme and Samuel. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining professionalism in the workplace.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Romy and Esme is subtle but palpable, adding tension and intrigue to the scene. It sets up potential conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Romy's warning to Esme creating a conflict that adds complexity to their relationship.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in this scene, focusing on the professional and personal dynamics between Romy and Esme. The potential consequences of their interactions add tension and intrigue.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key themes, conflicts, and relationships. It sets the stage for future developments and challenges for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation of the potential inappropriate relationship between Esme and Samuel, adding a layer of intrigue to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the balance between personal relationships and professional boundaries. Romy's belief in maintaining professionalism clashes with Esme's more casual approach to her interactions with Samuel.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to protectiveness and vulnerability. The emotional depth of the characters adds layers to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. It effectively conveys tension, vulnerability, and power dynamics in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the subtle tension and emotional depth in the interactions between Romy and Esme. The audience is drawn into the power dynamics and relationships at play.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the unfolding drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the standard screenplay format for dialogue and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-driven office setting, effectively building tension and revealing character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense dynamic between Romy and Esme, highlighting Romy's protective instincts and the underlying power imbalance in their relationship. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension. For instance, Romy's concern about Esme's relationship with Samuel feels somewhat overt; subtle hints or indirect references could create a more layered conversation.
  • Romy's character is portrayed as both caring and controlling, which is compelling, but the scene could delve deeper into her motivations. Why is she so concerned about Esme's relationship with Samuel? Adding a line or two that reveals Romy's personal stakes or fears could enrich her character and make her warnings feel more urgent.
  • Esme's responses come off as somewhat passive, which may undermine her character's agency. While she is portrayed as shy, giving her a moment of assertiveness or a stronger reaction to Romy's concerns could create a more balanced interaction. This would also help to establish her character as someone who can stand up for herself, even in a vulnerable situation.
  • The transition from the conversation to Romy's phone buzzing feels abrupt. The sudden shift to the phone call could be smoothed out with a more gradual build-up, perhaps by having Romy glance at her phone earlier in the conversation, indicating her growing anxiety or distraction.
  • The use of 'house music' as a sound cue is effective in creating a contrast between the serious conversation and the party atmosphere outside. However, it could be more impactful if the music gradually increased in volume as the scene progressed, reflecting Romy's internal conflict and the chaos of her life outside this moment.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to create tension. For example, instead of Romy directly stating her concerns, she could ask leading questions that hint at her worries about Esme's relationship with Samuel.
  • Add a line or two that reveals Romy's personal stakes or fears regarding Esme's relationship with Samuel, which would deepen her character and motivations.
  • Give Esme a moment of assertiveness in her responses to Romy, allowing her to express her own feelings or push back against Romy's concerns, which would create a more dynamic interaction.
  • Smooth the transition to the phone call by having Romy glance at her phone earlier in the scene, indicating her growing anxiety or distraction, which would enhance the pacing.
  • Consider gradually increasing the volume of the house music as the scene progresses to reflect Romy's internal conflict and the chaotic atmosphere outside, creating a more immersive experience.



Scene 45 - Balancing Act
EXT./ INT. CITY STREETS/ HIGHWAY- UBER BLACK CAR NIGHT

Romy looks out of the window while the car drives out of the
city. She watches the Christmas decorations transition into
the highway. As the car drives through a deserted area, Romy
speaks to Jacob on the phone. The house music continues to
play. The lyrics of the song seem to be in dialogue with
Romy’s voice.

ROMY
I have to stay late tonight...don’t
Wait up...
Yeah I know- Sorry- Don’t wait
for me... Oh and don’t forget
Isabel has soccer tomorrow early
morning- And Nora has dance- Yeah,
I’ll wake her up... OK... I’ll just
sneak in... Love you.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 70.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a nighttime Uber Black car, Romy speaks with Jacob about her late work schedule while observing the shift from a festive city to a deserted highway. Their conversation reveals the tension between her professional commitments and family responsibilities, as she reassures Jacob and reminds him of their children's activities. The scene captures the emotional weight of her dual roles, ending with a tender expression of love before the call concludes.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Reliance on internal monologue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys Romy's inner turmoil and conflicting emotions through her dialogue and actions, creating a tense and emotional atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing Romy's internal struggles and external responsibilities in a late-night drive adds depth to her character and sets the stage for further developments.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by highlighting Romy's conflicting priorities and emotions, setting the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions in future scenes.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar theme of work-life balance but adds a fresh perspective through the use of setting and character dynamics. The authenticity of Romy's actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Romy, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, fears, and complexities in a nuanced manner.

Character Changes: 8

Romy undergoes subtle changes in her emotional state and priorities throughout the scene, setting the stage for potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to balance her work responsibilities with her family obligations. This reflects her deeper need for approval and love from her family, as well as her fear of disappointing them.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to inform Jacob about her late work schedule and remind him of their children's activities the next day. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing her work-life balance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is primarily internal within Romy, as she struggles with her emotions and responsibilities, setting the stage for potential external conflicts in future scenes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Romy's internal struggle to balance work and family, creating a subtle but impactful conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as Romy grapples with her personal and professional responsibilities, as well as her complex relationships, hinting at potential consequences for her actions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Romy's character and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions in future scenes.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is predictable in terms of Romy's actions and dialogue, but the emotional complexity adds a layer of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between personal fulfillment through work and family responsibilities. Romy's dialogue with Jacob highlights this conflict as she prioritizes work over spending time with her family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to Romy's vulnerability, anxiety, and conflicting emotions, drawing the audience into her internal struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys Romy's inner thoughts and emotions, as well as her interactions with Jacob, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with relatable themes and emotional depth in Romy's character.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension through Romy's dialogue and the visual transition from city to highway.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, effectively conveying Romy's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Romy's emotional state as she transitions from the festive atmosphere of the city to a more isolated highway, symbolizing her internal conflict. However, the dialogue feels somewhat mundane and lacks emotional depth, which could enhance the viewer's connection to Romy's character.
  • The use of house music as a backdrop is a strong choice, as it can reflect Romy's mood and the contrast between her personal life and professional obligations. However, the lyrics should be more explicitly tied to her feelings or situation to create a stronger thematic resonance.
  • Romy's dialogue with Jacob serves to establish her responsibilities as a mother, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, her reluctance to return home could be emphasized through her tone or choice of words, hinting at her emotional turmoil and the weight of her decisions.
  • The transition from the city to the highway is visually compelling, but the scene could include more sensory details to immerse the audience in Romy's experience. Describing the sights, sounds, and even the feeling of the car moving could enhance the atmosphere.
  • The scene ends rather abruptly after Romy's phone call, which may leave the audience wanting more. A moment of reflection or a visual cue that emphasizes her emotional state after the call could provide a more satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional weight to Romy's dialogue with Jacob. Perhaps she could express her feelings of guilt or anxiety about not being home, which would deepen her character's complexity.
  • Incorporate specific lyrics from the house music that resonate with Romy's situation, allowing the audience to draw parallels between the song's themes and her emotional journey.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene by describing the sights and sounds outside the car, such as the fading Christmas lights or the quietness of the highway, to create a more immersive experience.
  • Include a moment of introspection for Romy after the phone call, such as a close-up of her face reflecting her inner conflict or a visual metaphor that symbolizes her emotional state.
  • Consider extending the scene to include Romy's arrival at her destination, allowing for a more gradual transition and providing an opportunity to explore her feelings further.



Scene 46 - Rave Awakening
EXT. WAREHOUSE RAVE- NIGHT

The Uber drops Romy in the abandoned parking lot. Hesitant
she gets out of the car.The music is loud and fast. Young
people are smoking cigarettes outside. A boy stares at her.
For a moment, Romy wants to turn around but the car is gone.
She decides to go inside.


INT. WAREHOUSE RAVE - NIGHT

Romy walks through an L shaped tunnel. She passes some young
people laughing. She enters a very narrow dark stone
corridor. A young man on drugs sticks his tongue out. Trying
to find her way to the dance floor. She looks around. Some
people are trying to dance with her. The average age is 23.
She feels completely out of place in every way. Most of the
ravers are shirtless. They move aggressively and violently to
the music. Romy is forced to move with them. The sensation of
warm, sticky bodies against hers and the dancing reminds her
of her childhood. Frightened to fall down and get stepped on,
she tries to hold on to sweaty arms and slippery shoulders.
People try to dance with her but she pushes them away. All
she wants is to find Samuel.

When she finally sees him, he is wildly dancing. His hand on
the skull of the boy he is dancing with and the boy’s hand on
his, a beautiful young girl is dancing close by. When he
notices Romy, he smiles enthusiastically and waves. Romy
tries to get closer to him, but she isn’t able to move, she
is wedged between bodies. Samuel is very close to the
beautiful girl now. Gasping for air, Romy suppresses a panic
attack. Samuel is shouting things at her, but she can’t hear
him, she is drowning in young flesh. Suddenly, two hands grab
her and hold her head up, like a rescue swimmer. The hands
belong to a tall muscular woman, she presses Romy’s body
against hers. Leaning into her, Romy dares to relax a little.
The woman kisses her, Romy kisses her back for a brief
moment. Someone lets her drink from a bottle of water. Slowly
they start to dance. Others join. Faster and faster they
move. Samuel makes his way to the group and joins them.
Samuel’s wet, naked upper body is pushed against Romy’s.
Happy, Romy wraps her arms around him. The weird, staccato
movements of the Gabber dance, make Romy laugh. Someone tries
to take Romy’s jacket off, she lets it happen. Samuel is
close to her. Surprised by her risky behavior in public, he
observes her. The bodies that seemed to want to crush her
moments before, now give her comfort and a sense of
belonging. As long as she is with him, glued to him, she can
breath. She dances as if her life depends on it. Only for
him, she is wild and free. Suddenly he grabs her hand and
starts to make his way out of the crowd.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 71.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Romy arrives at a chaotic warehouse rave, feeling anxious and out of place, especially when she sees Samuel dancing with another girl. A tall, muscular woman helps her relax and embrace the atmosphere, leading to a connection with Samuel. As Romy begins to feel a sense of belonging, she dances freely with him, culminating in Samuel taking her hand and leading her out of the crowd, signaling a new direction in their relationship.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Atmospheric tension
  • Vulnerability exploration
Weaknesses
  • Potential pacing issues in the chaotic environment
  • Limited focus on secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures Romy's emotional journey through a chaotic and intense environment, showcasing her inner struggles and desires with a mix of tension, vulnerability, and intimacy. The portrayal of her conflicting emotions and the sense of belonging she finds in unexpected places adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Romy's emotional turmoil and search for connection in a chaotic rave setting is compelling and adds depth to her character development. The scene effectively conveys her inner conflicts and desires through the external environment and interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on Romy's emotional journey and her interactions with Samuel in a high-stakes environment, adding layers to their relationship dynamics. The scene moves the story forward by deepening Romy's character arc and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and intense portrayal of a rave setting, with authentic character actions and dialogue that enhance the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Romy, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities, desires, and conflicts in a dynamic and engaging way. The interactions between Romy and Samuel reveal layers of their relationship and individual complexities.

Character Changes: 8

Romy undergoes significant emotional changes in the scene, moving from hesitation and discomfort to a moment of connection and release with Samuel. Her vulnerabilities, desires, and conflicts are explored, deepening her character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to find Samuel and feel a sense of belonging and comfort in his presence.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to navigate through the crowded rave and find Samuel amidst the chaos.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts for Romy, including her emotional turmoil, search for connection, and interactions with Samuel in a chaotic environment. The tensions and stakes are high, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene, represented by the chaotic rave environment and Romy's internal struggles, creates a compelling conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Romy navigates her emotional turmoil, desires, and conflicts in a chaotic rave environment, leading to moments of vulnerability, intimacy, and connection with Samuel. The high stakes drive the character development and narrative tension.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Romy's character arc, setting up future conflicts and relationship dynamics with Samuel. The exploration of her emotional journey adds layers to the narrative and enhances the overall plot progression.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable in its portrayal of Romy's emotional and physical journey through the rave, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between Romy's desire for safety and comfort with Samuel and the chaotic, risky environment of the rave.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, vulnerability, intimacy, and belonging as Romy navigates her inner turmoil and desires in a chaotic setting. The emotional depth and complexity of the characters enhance the impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, tensions, and desires, adding depth to their interactions and inner thoughts. The exchanges between Romy and Samuel capture their complex dynamic and evolving relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense atmosphere, emotional depth, and the protagonist's compelling journey through the chaotic rave environment.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into Romy's emotional and physical journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a dramatic sequence in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively builds tension and develops the protagonist's goals and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Romy's feelings of isolation and panic in a chaotic environment, which is a strong emotional anchor for the audience. However, the transition from her hesitance to her eventual acceptance of the rave atmosphere could be more gradual to enhance the emotional arc.
  • The use of sensory details, such as the 'warm, sticky bodies' and the 'loud and fast' music, immerses the reader in the scene. However, consider varying the descriptions to avoid repetition and to create a more vivid picture of the rave environment.
  • Romy's internal conflict is well portrayed through her physical reactions and interactions with others. However, her motivations for seeking out Samuel could be more explicitly stated to deepen the audience's understanding of her emotional state.
  • The introduction of the tall muscular woman as a 'rescue swimmer' is an interesting choice, but it could be developed further. What does this woman's presence signify for Romy? Is she a symbol of safety, or does she represent a fleeting escape from her reality?
  • The climax of the scene, where Romy begins to dance freely, is powerful but could benefit from more emotional depth. Consider adding internal dialogue or reflections that highlight her transformation from panic to liberation, making the moment more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a brief flashback or memory that connects Romy's current experience at the rave to her childhood, reinforcing her feelings of fear and excitement.
  • Consider incorporating more dialogue or interactions with other characters to showcase Romy's struggle to connect with the younger crowd, which could heighten her sense of alienation.
  • Explore Romy's thoughts more deeply as she navigates the crowd. This could be done through internal monologue, allowing the audience to understand her fears and desires more clearly.
  • Enhance the moment when the muscular woman helps Romy by adding a line of dialogue or a shared look that conveys a deeper connection or understanding between them.
  • As Romy begins to dance with Samuel, include a moment of hesitation or doubt before she fully embraces the experience, which could add complexity to her character's journey.



Scene 47 - Whispers in the Dark
INT. WAREHOUSE LABYRINTH STAIRCASES/ HALLWAYS- NIGHT

Samuel drags Romy through a labyrinth of hallways. He has her
hand firmly in his, she almost trips. Both their pupils are
big.


INT. WAREHOUSE SMALL ABANDONED ROOM - NIGHT

He leads her into a small worn out space. He sits on the
floor and pulls her down too. We hear the house music in the
distance. He lights a joint.

SAMUEL
You know that a cuckoo bird lays
eggs in the nest of other birds?

ROMY
(laughing)
What?

SAMUEL
The cuckoo chicks basically grow up
in the wrong nest and create chaos-

ROMY
You’re not a bird.

SAMUEL
(laughing)
I am.

He looks at her. She brings her face close to his. She
whispers in his ear.

ROMY
(shy, about Esme)
Do you do with her- what you do
with me?

SAMUEL
(genuine, sweet)
She’s not like that Romy. That’s
why I like her in a different way.
That’s why I like myself in a
different way, with her.

Her heart hurts. Her eyes tear up. He touches her forehead
with his. He kisses her softly, tenderly. She smiles.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 72.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a dimly lit warehouse, Samuel guides Romy through a maze of shadows, their heightened emotions palpable. They find a small, abandoned room where Samuel shares a metaphor about cuckoo birds, sparking playful banter. However, Romy's insecurities surface as she questions Samuel's feelings for another girl, Esme. Samuel reassures her that his feelings for Esme are different, leading to a tender moment where they touch foreheads and share a soft kiss, solidifying their emotional connection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intimate atmosphere
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Reliance on dialogue for emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth and complexity of the relationship between Romy and Samuel, creating a sense of intimacy and vulnerability that resonates with the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring vulnerability and intimacy in the relationship between Romy and Samuel is well-executed, adding depth and emotional resonance to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the emotional development and dynamics between Romy and Samuel, driving the narrative forward through their intimate exchange.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of jealousy and self-acceptance, with authentic and relatable character interactions. The dialogue feels genuine and emotionally resonant.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed and their emotional depth and conflicting feelings are effectively portrayed, adding layers to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel experience emotional growth and vulnerability in the scene, deepening their connection and revealing new layers to their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to seek validation and reassurance from Samuel about their relationship. Romy's deeper need for love and acceptance is reflected in her vulnerability and insecurity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to understand the nature of Samuel's relationship with another woman, Esme. This reflects the immediate challenge of jealousy and trust issues.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the emotional turmoil and conflicting feelings experienced by Romy and Samuel in their relationship.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Romy's internal struggles and doubts creating a sense of conflict and tension. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the characters' relationship.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional, focusing on the vulnerability and intimacy between Romy and Samuel, with the potential for their relationship to evolve or change.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by developing the emotional dynamics between Romy and Samuel, setting the stage for further exploration of their relationship.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and shifts in the characters' dynamics. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of loyalty, honesty, and self-acceptance. Romy questions Samuel's fidelity and struggles with her own self-worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the intimate and vulnerable exchange between Romy and Samuel, evoking feelings of love, sadness, and empathy.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotional tension and vulnerability between Romy and Samuel, enhancing the intimacy and depth of their interaction.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict and vulnerability displayed by the characters. The audience is drawn into the characters' inner turmoil and struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively builds tension and emotional depth. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the heightened emotional state of both Romy and Samuel through the use of physicality and dialogue. The imagery of their dilated pupils and the dark, maze-like setting enhances the sense of intimacy and vulnerability between them.
  • The cuckoo bird analogy is an interesting metaphor that adds depth to Samuel's character and their relationship dynamics. However, it could benefit from further exploration or a clearer connection to Romy's feelings, as it currently feels somewhat disconnected from the emotional core of the scene.
  • Romy's question about Esme feels natural and adds tension, but the response from Samuel could be more impactful. While he reassures her, the explanation lacks emotional weight. It might be more effective if he expressed a deeper understanding of Romy's insecurities or if he acknowledged the complexity of his feelings for both women.
  • The physical closeness between Romy and Samuel is well-executed, but the transition from playful banter to a tender moment could be smoother. The shift in tone feels slightly abrupt, and a more gradual build-up to their kiss could enhance the emotional resonance.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines could be tightened for clarity and impact. For instance, Samuel's line about liking himself in a different way could be rephrased to convey his feelings more succinctly, making it more poignant.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding on the cuckoo bird analogy to create a stronger thematic connection to Romy's feelings of displacement and insecurity. Perhaps Samuel could elaborate on how he relates to the metaphor, making it more relevant to their situation.
  • Enhance Samuel's response to Romy's question about Esme by incorporating more emotional depth. He could reflect on the differences in his feelings for both women, which would help Romy understand his perspective better and add complexity to their relationship.
  • Smooth the transition from playful banter to intimacy by adding a moment of silence or a shared look before the kiss. This pause can heighten the tension and make the kiss feel more earned and significant.
  • Revise some of the dialogue for clarity and emotional impact. For example, Samuel's line about liking himself in a different way could be rephrased to something like, 'With her, I feel different, but it’s not the same as what we have.' This would clarify his feelings and strengthen the emotional stakes.
  • Consider adding sensory details to the setting to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the sounds, smells, or even the temperature of the room could immerse the audience further into the scene and reflect the characters' emotional states.



Scene 48 - Late Night Concerns
INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT- KITCHEN- NIGHT

As quiet as she can, Romy walks into the dark living room,
her hair a mess. Startled, Romy stares at Isabel, who sits on
the sofa. Romy looks like a creature from the wild.

ROMY
Oh! You’re still up.

Romy goes and sits down next to Isabel.

ISABEL
(warm)
I’m worried about you-

ROMY
I- am fine. I was very busy- the
past months. It’s done. We
accomplished a lot.

ISABEL
Are you ok?

ROMY
Yes. Are you okay? How is Mary?

ISABEL
(shyly)
She’s good.

Isabel tears up.

ROMY
Bedtime?

Isabel nods.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a dimly lit apartment kitchen, Romy enters looking disheveled and is surprised to find Isabel on the sofa. Their conversation reveals Isabel's deep concern for Romy, who insists she is fine despite her appearance. Isabel shares emotional insights about her daughter Mary, hinting at her own vulnerabilities. The scene captures the tension between Romy's denial of her struggles and Isabel's warmth, ending with Romy suggesting it's time for bed, leaving their emotional disconnect unresolved.
Strengths
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character exploration
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions and sets up a poignant interaction between Romy and Isabel, providing insight into their characters and relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a late-night conversation between Romy and Isabel provides a window into their relationship and individual struggles, adding depth to their characters.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene doesn't significantly advance the main plot, it contributes to character development and relationship dynamics, adding layers to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene demonstrates a fresh approach to depicting intimate conversations and emotional vulnerability, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves into the emotional complexities of Romy and Isabel, showcasing their vulnerabilities, concerns, and the nuances of their relationship, making them more relatable and engaging.

Character Changes: 7

Both Romy and Isabel experience subtle shifts in their emotional states and perceptions of each other during the scene, setting the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a facade of being fine and in control, despite feeling overwhelmed and possibly vulnerable. This reflects her deeper need for validation and reassurance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to check on the well-being of her friend and maintain a sense of normalcy in their conversation. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their relationship and the need for emotional support.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

While there is tension and emotional depth in the scene, the conflict is more internal and subtle, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and dynamics.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with the characters' internal conflicts and emotional vulnerabilities creating tension and uncertainty about their true feelings and intentions.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are more personal and emotional, focusing on the characters' internal struggles and relationship dynamics rather than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene doesn't propel the main plot significantly, it deepens the understanding of the characters and their relationships, laying the groundwork for future developments.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because of the subtle shifts in the characters' emotions and the underlying tension between honesty and self-preservation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between honesty and vulnerability. The protagonist struggles to maintain a facade of strength while also showing signs of emotional distress, highlighting the conflict between authenticity and self-preservation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through the vulnerable interactions between Romy and Isabel, drawing the audience into their world and struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Romy and Isabel is authentic, reflecting their emotional states and the underlying tension in their conversation, adding depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth and authenticity of the characters' interactions, drawing the audience into their intimate conversation and underlying tensions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for moments of silence and reflection, enhancing the emotional impact of the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and descriptive language that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that advance the characters' emotional arcs.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of vulnerability between Romy and Isabel, showcasing their relationship dynamics. However, the dialogue feels somewhat stilted and could benefit from more naturalistic exchanges that reflect their emotional states more deeply.
  • Romy's entrance is described as 'a creature from the wild,' which is a strong visual metaphor, but it could be enhanced by providing more sensory details about her appearance and demeanor to evoke a stronger emotional response from the audience.
  • Isabel's concern for Romy is a poignant moment, but the emotional weight could be amplified by allowing Isabel to express her feelings more explicitly. Instead of just asking if Romy is okay, she could share specific observations about Romy's behavior that have worried her.
  • The transition to the bedtime suggestion feels abrupt. It would be more impactful if Romy took a moment to reflect on her relationship with Isabel before suggesting bedtime, perhaps by recalling a shared memory or expressing a desire to reconnect.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While it starts with concern and ends with a suggestion for bedtime, there is little development in Romy's emotional state. Adding a moment of realization or a shift in Romy's demeanor could create a more satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more descriptive language to Romy's entrance to paint a vivid picture of her state of mind and physical appearance, enhancing the audience's understanding of her emotional turmoil.
  • Allow Isabel to articulate her worries more clearly, perhaps by mentioning specific instances that have made her concerned for Romy, which would deepen the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Incorporate a moment of reflection for Romy before suggesting bedtime, allowing her to connect with Isabel on a deeper level and acknowledge her daughter's feelings.
  • Explore the use of subtext in their dialogue. For example, Romy's insistence that she is fine could be contrasted with her body language or tone, hinting at her internal struggles without explicitly stating them.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more poignant moment, such as Romy holding Isabel's hand or sharing a brief memory, to reinforce their bond and leave the audience with a sense of hope or connection.



Scene 49 - Morning Mayhem
INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT- KITCHEN DAY

Trying to hide her anxiety, Romy is making pancakes for
breakfast. Classical music playing. Everyone is rushing to
get out of the door on time. Nora in a raincoat and her dance
costume, Isabel, wearing a soccer outfit, keeps a close eye
on her mother, who is trying to keep it together. A knock at
the door, everyone looks up. Romy rushes to answer, but Jacob
is already there.

JACOB
Yes?

ROMY
Who is it?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 73.


JACOB
Esme.

Esme enters, soaking wet from the rain. She stares at the
perfect family, who stares back at her. Jacob starts to push
the kids toward the door, while putting on his rain coat.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a chaotic kitchen, Romy struggles to make pancakes while managing her anxiety as her family prepares for the day. Nora and Isabel, dressed for their respective activities, watch their mother with concern. The tension escalates when Esme arrives unexpectedly, drenched from the rain, prompting Jacob to take charge and usher the kids toward the door. The scene captures the frantic atmosphere and unresolved stress as the family rushes to leave.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Surprise element
  • Authentic character reactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Focus on conflict over resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively conveys a mix of tension, anxiety, and surprise through the interactions between the characters and the unexpected arrival of Esme. The pacing and tone are well-executed, keeping the audience engaged and curious about the unfolding dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an unexpected visitor disrupting the morning routine of a family is engaging and relatable. It sets the stage for potential conflicts and character developments, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the unexpected arrival of Esme and the resulting tension and unease it creates among the characters. It moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and dynamics within the family.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces familiar family dynamics but adds a layer of complexity with the introduction of Esme, who disrupts the facade of normalcy. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, particularly Romy, Jacob, and Esme, are well-developed in this scene. Their reactions and interactions reveal layers of complexity and hint at deeper relationships and emotions, adding depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are hints of potential character changes, such as Romy's reaction to Esme's arrival and the dynamics between the characters, the scene primarily focuses on establishing conflicts and tensions rather than significant character transformations.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to hide her anxiety and maintain a sense of normalcy for her family. This reflects her deeper need for stability and control in the face of external challenges.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get her family out the door on time. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing a hectic morning routine.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The level of conflict in the scene is high, driven by the unexpected arrival of Esme and the resulting tension and unease among the characters. It sets the stage for potential resolutions and character developments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, as Esme's presence disrupts the family dynamic and challenges Romy's efforts to maintain control.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as the unexpected arrival of Esme disrupts the family dynamics and creates tension and unease among the characters. The outcome of this interaction could have significant consequences for the relationships involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and tensions within the family dynamics. It sets the stage for potential resolutions and developments, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the introduction of Esme disrupts the expected routine of the family dynamic, adding a layer of tension and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the appearance of a perfect family and the reality of external challenges. This challenges Romy's beliefs about maintaining a facade of normalcy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, anxiety, and surprise in the audience. The interactions between the characters and the unexpected nature of Esme's arrival create a sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, surprise, and unease felt by the characters. It reveals their inner thoughts and emotions, driving the conflict and setting up potential resolutions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the relatable chaos of a morning routine while hinting at deeper emotional conflicts and tensions between characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the momentum of the morning routine, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for a domestic drama, with a clear setup of the family dynamic and the introduction of external conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaos of a busy morning in a family setting, which is relatable and sets the tone for Romy's internal struggle. However, the dialogue feels somewhat stilted and could benefit from more naturalistic exchanges that reflect the urgency of the moment.
  • Romy's anxiety is mentioned but not fully explored in this scene. It would be more impactful if her internal conflict was shown through her actions or subtle physical cues, rather than just stating that she is trying to hide it. This would create a deeper emotional connection with the audience.
  • The introduction of Esme is intriguing, but her entrance feels abrupt. It would be beneficial to establish her relationship with the family more clearly, perhaps through a brief exchange or a shared history that adds depth to her character and the situation.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While it sets up a busy morning, it doesn't provide a sense of progression or resolution. Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict that escalates the stakes for Romy, making her anxiety more palpable and relatable.
  • The visual elements are somewhat generic. While the classical music adds a nice touch, consider incorporating more specific details about the kitchen or the characters' appearances that reflect their personalities and the underlying tension in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue to make it feel more spontaneous and reflective of the characters' personalities. Consider adding playful banter or minor conflicts between the family members to create a more dynamic interaction.
  • Show Romy's anxiety through her actions—perhaps she burns a pancake or drops something, which could symbolize her struggle to maintain control in a chaotic environment.
  • Introduce Esme with a line that hints at her relationship with Romy or the family, such as a shared joke or a comment about the kids, to make her entrance feel more organic.
  • Add a moment of conflict or tension, such as a last-minute crisis (e.g., a forgotten item or a scheduling issue) that forces Romy to confront her anxiety head-on, creating a more engaging narrative arc.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene. Describe the smell of the pancakes, the sound of the rain, or the way the classical music contrasts with the chaos, which can help immerse the audience in the moment.



Scene 50 - Confrontation in the Rain
INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT-KITCHEN- DAY

Alone, Esme hugs Romy. Long. In her wet coat, Esme sits on
the white, expensive sofa. She looks at the photos on the
wall of Romy and Jacob with famous actors and political
figures. Nervous, Romy stares at her.

ESME
I genuinely thought women with
power would behave differently than
men with power.

ROMY
What makes you say that?

ESME
I tried to speak to you so many
times about my future at the
company.

ROMY
I know. I’m sorry. We can discuss
it now. We all went through- a hard
time, but it paid off. You were
part of that, Esme. Part of the
team who made it happen.

ESME
I don’t want you to make any
promises because you’re afraid of
me.

Confused Romy tries to understand what Esme is trying to say.

ROMY
(genuine)
I’m not afraid of you.

ESME
I know what’s going on between you
and Samuel.

Romy freezes.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 74.


ESME (CONT’D)
I only want what I deserve, not
what is given to me, to silence me.
That’s how it might have worked
when you were young, but luckily,
those days are behind us now.

ROMY
I don’t know what you’re talking
about.

ESME
You will never see Samuel again.
You will be a good leader and you
will create more opportunities for
women within the company, and be a
good example and role model to us
all.

The two woman look at each other. Romy realizes that Esme
might ruin her life and for a brief moment, that thought
seems strangely liberating.

ROMY
You’re confusing ambition with
morality, those are very different
things.

ESME
I have no interest in taking you
down. You are one of the few women
who made it to the top, my interest
is to keep you there. But not like
you are now... As a version of you
that I can look up to and respect.

Tears in Romy’s eyes. Ashamed, she nods her head. Esme
leaves.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense encounter in Romy's upscale kitchen, a soaked Esme confronts Romy about her leadership and the need for empowerment among women in the company. Esme expresses her disillusionment with powerful women and hints at Romy's relationship with Samuel, demanding that Romy become a better role model. As Romy grapples with shame and confusion, the conversation reveals Esme's frustrations and ambitions. The scene ends with Esme leaving, leaving Romy in tears and deep contemplation.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Exploration of power dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some ambiguity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into the tension and emotional depth of the characters, particularly Romy and Esme, while setting up a compelling power struggle that adds layers to the overall narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring power, ambition, and morality within a female-led workplace is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in this scene is crucial as it sets up a significant power struggle between Romy and Esme, adding complexity to the character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on power dynamics in a corporate setting, focusing on the complexities of female leadership and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Esme are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of ambition, morality, and vulnerability, making them compelling and multi-dimensional.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Esme undergo subtle shifts in their power dynamics and understanding of each other, setting up potential character growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her position of power and authority within the company while also grappling with her own moral compass and values. She wants to be respected and admired by her colleagues, especially other women in the company.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal in this scene is to navigate the delicate situation with Esme and ensure that her own reputation and career are not jeopardized.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Romy and Esme is intense and multi-layered, driving the scene forward and adding intrigue to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Esme challenging Romy's beliefs and values, creating a sense of uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of power, ambition, and morality within the workplace add tension and intrigue to the scene, raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a significant power struggle and deepening the character relationships, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and power shifts between the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between ambition and morality. Esme believes in pushing boundaries and creating opportunities for women at any cost, while Romy values integrity and ethical behavior in leadership.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response, particularly in the vulnerability and tension between Romy and Esme, adding depth to the character dynamics.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and revealing, effectively conveying the power dynamics and emotional depth of the characters' interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict between the characters, the high stakes involved, and the suspenseful dialogue exchanges.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension gradually and allowing for emotional beats to land effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard conventions of screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the interactions between characters.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic confrontation between characters in a screenplay. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Romy and Esme, showcasing the power dynamics at play. Esme's confrontation about Romy's behavior and her relationship with Samuel adds depth to both characters, highlighting the complexities of female ambition and leadership. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while Esme's accusations are clear, Romy's responses feel somewhat defensive and could be more nuanced to reflect her internal conflict.
  • Romy's emotional journey in this scene is compelling, particularly her realization that Esme's threats could be liberating. This moment of clarity is powerful, but it could be enhanced by showing more of Romy's internal struggle leading up to this realization. Consider incorporating physical reactions or internal monologue to illustrate her conflicting feelings about her life and choices.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, especially given the weight of the conversation. Allowing for pauses or moments of silence could heighten the emotional stakes and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of Esme's words. This would also create a more natural rhythm to the dialogue.
  • Esme's character is intriguing, but her motivations could be clearer. While she expresses a desire for Romy to be a better leader, it would be beneficial to explore her own ambitions and insecurities more deeply. This would add layers to her character and make her confrontation with Romy more impactful.
  • The setting of the kitchen, with its expensive decor and family photos, contrasts sharply with the emotional turmoil of the conversation. This juxtaposition is effective, but it could be further emphasized through visual cues or descriptions that reflect Romy's internal chaos. For example, showing her fidgeting with objects in the kitchen could symbolize her anxiety.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue to reflect the characters' internal conflicts. For example, Romy could express her fear of losing her position subtly rather than directly denying fear of Esme.
  • Add physical reactions or internal monologue for Romy to illustrate her emotional turmoil as she processes Esme's accusations. This could help the audience connect more deeply with her character.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing of the scene by including pauses or moments of silence after key lines. This would allow the audience to absorb the emotional weight of the conversation.
  • Explore Esme's motivations further to add depth to her character. Providing insight into her own ambitions or insecurities could make her confrontation with Romy more compelling.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including more details about the setting that reflect Romy's internal state. For example, showing her interacting with objects in the kitchen could symbolize her anxiety and disconnection from her surroundings.



Scene 51 - Shattered Trust
INT. ROMY AND JACOB'S APARTMENT- LIVING ROOM- DAY

Later- Romy sits on the sofa in the living room, waiting.
Jacob walks in. She doesn’t dare to look at him. She takes a
sip of water.

JACOB
What’s going on? Are you ok?

Anxious, with his coat still on, he sits down.

ROMY
I need to -
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 75.


JACOB
Ok.

A long beat. Her confession comes from very deep within.

ROMY
I- Since I was very little, since I
can remember even, I’ve always had
these specific thoughts-

JACOB
What thoughts?

ROMY
Dark, dark thoughts-

She tries to find the right way to say it.

ROMY (CONT’D)
Thoughts of -- violence. Revolting
thoughts. Embarrassing.
(she has a hard time
saying the words out
loud)
Of being -forced and hurt, and
humiliated-

Worried where she is going, Jacob looks at her.

ROMY (CONT’D)
I was so ashamed- I still am. I
have no idea where they come from,
who planted them in my brain. I
would give anything to erase them,
to delete them-

She forces herself to look at Jacob.

ROMY (CONT’D)
I see myself as a strong, smart
woman, who is...in control of
things, who knows what she’s doing-
Who is loving and caring and
responsible, and who wants to work
on herself. Not some kind of
embarrassing-- masochist, or
ignorant... weak anti feminist who-

JACOB
What are you trying to say? I don’t
understand.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 76.


ROMY
I thought it was all connected to
my childhood- So I tried to work
through that. Every form of therapy-
You know that. But it didn’t help.
It doesn’t help. I was born with
it.

JACOB
What do you mean?

ROMY
And I asked , my first -real
boyfriend, Justin, if he could-
you know- treat me that way, do
something to me- but it disgusted
him- he said. He thought it was
cliche- Which it is!
(she pauses, looks at him)
And with us-

She stops herself. They stare at each other for a beat.

ROMY (CONT’D)
(vulnerable)
I sometimes- tried to- But you
never seem to be... into it.

JACOB
Into what exactly?

She can’t explain.

ROMY
(from deep within)
I just want to be normal. I want to
be normal- I want to be what you
like. I want to be the woman you
like-

JACOB
(kind)
I’m sorry, Romy, I don’t know what
you mean- could you...be a little
more specific-

ROMY
What I’m saying is: I’ve never
experienced any of them. Any of the-
fantasies. In real life, until-

She holds her breath. He holds his.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 77.


ROMY (CONT’D)
I met-

She summons her courage.

JACOB
Until you met- ?

She stops talking, she freezes. His eyes go dark.

JACOB (CONT’D)
(slow and controlled)
Who? Who did you meet?

She can’t say it.

ROMY
(whispers)
Ehh- I-

JACOB
Jesus. What happened?

She opens her mouth. Nothing comes out. She can’t bring
herself to say his name. He speaks quietly.

JACOB (CONT’D)
What? Say something! Jesus Christ!
Do I know him?
(he feels sick)
Is it- is it Sebastian?

ROMY
What? No. No!

JACOB ROMY (CONT’D)
Who? No-

JACOB (CONT’D)
What did you do? What?

ROMY
No- it- It was a man- A stranger-

JACOB
A stranger?

Romy flushes red.

ROMY
Somehow- he knew. He sensed-

JACOB
What?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 78.


ROMY
He knew.

JACOB
What? He knew fucking what?

ROMY
How to be- fearless- around me- or-
I mean-
(trying to find words that
wont hurt)
And I couldn’t resist that.

He tries to stay calm.

JACOB
How many times?

ROMY
Once. Only once.

JACOB
Who is this guy? Are you in love
with him?

ROMY
It was as if some sort of animal
woke up inside me.

He stares at her.

ROMY (CONT’D)
(trying to explain
honestly)
For me it’s not about a safe space
and a safe word and consent and
“the kink”- I hate that word.

JACOB
(horrified but calm)
Tell me what happened. Just tell
me.

She thinks. She wants to confess her deepest secrets.

ROMY
(genuine)
It has to be- There has to be a
form of actual danger- Something
needs to be at stake. For real.
(she looks at him)
I know, it’s gross, it’s obscene-
It’s a monster- that will destroy-
anything to get-
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 79.


JACOB ROMY (CONT’D)
(trying to understand) (firm)
So? What did you do? What did It’s over now. It was like an
he do to you? exorcism, and it’s done. It’s
out of my system. It happened
once.

ROMY (CONT’D)
(decisive)
I don’t need it anymore. It’s done.

A beat. He looks out of the window, trying to process what is
happening. Anxious, she continues:

ROMY (CONT’D)
My childhood didn't help. The
radical beliefs of my parents. The
communes- the lack of boundaries-

JACOB
(controlled aggression)
Oh! You see yourself as a victim?
Your blaming this on your
childhood?

ROMY
No. Of course not. It’s not that-,
It’s not an excuse. I was born with
it.

He is breathing loudly.

ROMY (CONT’D)
(slowly and decisive)
I will never see him again. It
happened once. I don’t even know
his name.

JACOB ROMY (CONT’D)
(calm) It has nothing to do with us.
I want you to leave. Now. With the -real- me. With our
family. I love you! Please-
I’m over it. It’s out of me,
out of my system.

JACOB (CONT’D) ROMY (CONT’D)
What are you saying? I love you. Only you. Please.

JACOB (CONT’D)
(emotional)
It has everything to do with you!
There is no excuse for this! Not
your mom, not your childhood! You
fucking lied to me! To us!
(MORE)
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 80.
JACOB (CONT’D)
Something needs to be at stake?? I
don’t give a shit about your
pathetic, banal sexual fantasies.
It’s not about that! You
jeopardized the most important
thing... your children! You make me
sick. Get the fuck out of my house!
Now.

Jacob storms out. Ashamed, Romy stays behind.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense confrontation, Romy confesses to Jacob about her troubling past involving violent thoughts and a one-time act with a stranger. As she seeks to explain her feelings of shame and the context of her actions, Jacob's initial concern turns to anger and betrayal. He demands that she leave their home, feeling that her confession jeopardizes their family. The scene culminates in Jacob storming out, leaving Romy alone and filled with shame.
Strengths
  • Raw and emotional dialogue
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Revealing character development
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Heavy emotional themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful due to the raw and emotional nature of the revelation and confrontation between Romy and Jacob. It delves deep into Romy's character, revealing her inner struggles and desires, creating a sense of tension and emotional depth that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of revealing Romy's dark thoughts and desires, and the subsequent confrontation with Jacob, is a powerful and compelling idea that adds depth to the characters and drives the emotional core of the scene. It explores complex themes of shame, desire, and vulnerability, creating a rich and nuanced narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the revelation of Romy's dark thoughts and desires, leading to a confrontation with Jacob. This plot point is crucial in developing the characters and driving the emotional conflict of the scene. It adds depth and complexity to the narrative, moving the story forward in a significant way.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh and provocative take on themes of desire, shame, and self-acceptance. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and emotionally resonant, adding depth to familiar relationship dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Romy and Jacob are well-developed and complex, with their emotions and motivations driving the scene. Romy's vulnerability and inner turmoil are portrayed with depth and authenticity, while Jacob's reaction to the revelation adds layers to his character. The dynamic between the two characters is intense and compelling, creating a memorable and impactful scene.

Character Changes: 9

Both Romy and Jacob undergo significant emotional changes during the scene. Romy's revelation of her dark thoughts and desires leads to a moment of vulnerability and self-realization, while Jacob's reaction to the revelation challenges his perceptions and beliefs, deepening his understanding of Romy and their relationship.

Internal Goal: 9

Romy's internal goal is to confess her dark thoughts and desires to Jacob, seeking understanding and acceptance. This reflects her need for validation, self-acceptance, and resolution of inner conflicts.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to address the impact of her past experiences on her current relationship with Jacob. She wants to communicate her struggles and seek reconciliation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, driven by the revelation of Romy's dark thoughts and desires, and the subsequent confrontation with Jacob. The emotional tension between the characters creates a sense of urgency and intensity, leading to a dramatic and impactful resolution.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires, emotions, and beliefs driving the characters' interactions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding suspense and emotional depth to the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Romy's revelation of her dark thoughts and desires puts her relationship with Jacob and her family at risk. The emotional conflict between the characters raises the tension and intensity of the scene, highlighting the importance of the moment in the overall narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Romy's character and her inner struggles. The confrontation between Romy and Jacob drives the emotional arc of the narrative, setting the stage for further developments and conflicts in the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and emotional twists that challenge the characters' beliefs and relationships. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The scene explores the conflict between personal desires and societal expectations, challenging traditional notions of femininity, sexuality, and relationships. Romy's struggle with her inner demons clashes with societal norms and gender roles.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of shame, anxiety, fear, and love from the characters. The raw and vulnerable moments between Romy and Jacob resonate with the audience, creating a sense of empathy and connection with the characters' struggles and emotions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is powerful and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the inner thoughts and feelings of the characters. The exchanges between Romy and Jacob are authentic and raw, adding depth to their relationship and driving the emotional conflict of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, raw honesty, and complex character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the characters' inner struggles and interpersonal tensions, creating a compelling narrative.

Pacing: 8

The scene's pacing effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, allowing the characters' revelations and conflicts to unfold naturally. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's dramatic impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, effectively conveying the emotional beats and character interactions. The dialogue is clear and impactful, enhancing the scene's dramatic impact.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced and emotionally charged structure, effectively building tension and revealing character motivations. The dialogue flows naturally, capturing the intensity of the characters' emotions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil and vulnerability of Romy as she confesses her dark thoughts to Jacob. The dialogue is raw and honest, which adds depth to their relationship and highlights the stakes involved in their conversation.
  • Jacob's reactions are appropriately intense, showcasing his hurt and anger, which contrasts well with Romy's vulnerability. This dynamic creates a palpable tension that keeps the audience engaged.
  • However, the pacing of the scene could be improved. The long beats between lines can feel drawn out, which may detract from the urgency of Romy's confession. Tightening the dialogue and reducing pauses could enhance the emotional impact.
  • Romy's internal struggle is compelling, but the scene could benefit from more visual cues or actions that reflect her emotional state. For instance, incorporating physical gestures or changes in her demeanor could help convey her anxiety and shame more vividly.
  • The dialogue, while powerful, occasionally feels overly expository. Some lines could be streamlined to maintain a natural flow and avoid sounding too scripted. For example, instead of explicitly stating her feelings about her childhood, Romy could express this through a metaphor or a more subtle reference.
Suggestions
  • Consider reducing the length of pauses between lines to create a more dynamic and urgent conversation. This will help maintain the audience's engagement and reflect the intensity of the moment.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or visual elements that reflect Romy's emotional state. For example, she could fidget with an object or avoid eye contact to emphasize her discomfort and vulnerability.
  • Streamline some of the dialogue to make it feel more natural. Focus on showing rather than telling, allowing the audience to infer Romy's feelings through her actions and tone rather than explicit statements.
  • Explore the use of subtext in the dialogue. Instead of having Romy directly state her feelings about her childhood, consider using metaphors or indirect references that convey her struggles without being overly explicit.
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a non-verbal reaction from Jacob after Romy's confession to heighten the emotional weight of the scene. This could serve as a powerful visual cue of his internal conflict and shock.



Scene 52 - Unexpected Encounter
EXT. COUNTRY ROADS- NIGHT

From above we see Romy’s car make it’s way to their upstate
house.


EXT. UPSTATE HOUSE- NIGHT

A slow push in on the exterior of the house. Lights behind
the windows.


INT. UPSTATE HOUSE LIVING ROOM NIGHT

In the living room, Romy sits in the dark with her coat on,
next to the Christmas tree. She is smokes cigarette.


INT. UPSTATE HOUSE BEDROOM- NIGHT

Later: Romy sleeps in bed. She wears a nightgown over her
underwear. A sound wakes her up. Frightened, she gets up and
walks to the window. To her surprise she sees Samuel swimming
in the pool. Steam is rising off of the heated water.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In this tense and introspective scene, Romy arrives at her upstate house, where she sits alone in the dark, contemplating her emotions while smoking next to a Christmas tree. Later, she is startled awake by a noise and discovers Samuel swimming in the steam-filled pool outside her window, leaving her in a state of shock and uncertainty.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intimate moments
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters through intimate moments and tense interactions, creating a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the characters' vulnerabilities and emotions in a late-night setting is well-executed, adding depth to their relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the emotional dynamics between the characters, moving the story forward through their interactions.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its unique setting and character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene, making it feel fresh and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, showcasing their vulnerabilities and emotional complexities in a compelling way.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience emotional growth and vulnerability in the scene, leading to changes in their dynamics and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to confront her fears and desires, as evidenced by her reaction to the sound that wakes her up and her surprise at seeing Samuel swimming in the pool. This reflects her deeper needs for security and connection, as well as her fears of the unknown and vulnerability.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal in this scene is to investigate the source of the sound that woke her up and to understand why Samuel is swimming in the pool. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing of unexpected events happening in her secluded environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' emotional struggles and vulnerabilities.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, as Romy is faced with unexpected events and must confront her fears and desires. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are primarily emotional, focusing on the characters' vulnerabilities and relationships.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional connections between the characters and setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected events that occur, such as Romy waking up to a sound and seeing Samuel swimming in the pool. The audience is left wondering what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between Romy's desire for security and her fear of the unknown. This challenges her beliefs about control and vulnerability, as well as her worldview of isolation versus connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional turmoil and vulnerabilities.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and inner thoughts, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its atmospheric descriptions, tense mood, and the protagonist's internal and external conflicts. The mystery and suspense keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events. The rhythm of the scene enhances the mood and atmosphere.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the atmosphere and mood. The visual elements are effectively conveyed through the formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on building tension and mystery. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Romy's emotional state following her confrontation with Jacob, using visual elements like the dark living room and the Christmas tree to symbolize her isolation and the contrast between familial warmth and her inner turmoil.
  • The transition from the exterior shots of the car and house to the interior scenes is smooth, creating a sense of continuity and building anticipation for Romy's emotional journey.
  • Romy's action of smoking a cigarette in the dark adds a layer of vulnerability and self-destructive behavior, reinforcing her emotional distress. However, the scene could benefit from more internal conflict or reflection to deepen the audience's understanding of her mental state.
  • The introduction of Samuel swimming in the pool serves as a surprising and intriguing plot twist, but it may feel abrupt without sufficient buildup or context. The audience might need more insight into Romy's feelings about Samuel at this moment to fully grasp the significance of his presence.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well for the tone of the scene, but adding a brief internal monologue or a few lines of dialogue could enhance the emotional weight and provide clarity on Romy's thoughts as she processes her recent experiences.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating a brief internal monologue for Romy as she sits in the dark, reflecting on her confrontation with Jacob and her feelings of shame and isolation. This could help the audience connect more deeply with her emotional state.
  • Add a moment where Romy looks at the Christmas tree or interacts with it, perhaps reminiscing about happier times with her family, to contrast her current feelings of despair and loneliness.
  • Provide a clearer emotional reaction from Romy upon seeing Samuel in the pool. Does she feel relief, anger, confusion, or something else? This could be conveyed through her body language or a brief dialogue exchange.
  • Explore the significance of the pool scene further. Perhaps include a moment where Romy hesitates before approaching the window, indicating her mixed feelings about Samuel's presence, which could heighten the tension.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive emotional beat, such as Romy taking a deep breath or a close-up of her face reflecting a mix of emotions, to leave the audience with a stronger impression of her internal conflict.



Scene 53 - Drowning in Desire
EXT. UPSTATE HOUSE SWIMMING POOL-NIGHT

She walks up to the pool. Samuel keeps swimming.

ROMY
You have to leave. You have to go!

He reaches out his hand, as if he wants her to help him out
of the pool, but he pulls her towards him and drags her into
the water. For a moment it almost seems as if he wants to
drown her. Then he folds his body around hers. Gently he
kisses her.

SAMUEL
I could drown you, right here. No
one would know it was me.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 81.


ROMY
You should.

They kiss.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense nighttime scene by a heated swimming pool, Romy urgently urges Samuel to leave, but he pulls her into the water, creating a moment of danger. Instead of drowning her, he embraces and kisses her, revealing a complex relationship dynamic. Samuel ominously suggests he could drown her without anyone knowing, to which Romy chillingly accepts. The scene blends elements of intimacy and threat, culminating in a passionate kiss that leaves their fates intertwined.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional depth
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • High stakes tension
Weaknesses
  • Potential for triggering content
  • Complex power dynamics may be challenging for some viewers to follow

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a mix of emotions and tension between the characters, creating a compelling and suspenseful atmosphere. The intimate and dangerous elements add depth to the relationship dynamics, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the conflicting emotions and power dynamics in Romy and Samuel's relationship is intriguing and well-executed. The scene effectively delves into themes of desire, fear, and danger, adding layers to the characters' interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is focused on the evolving relationship between Romy and Samuel, highlighting their emotional struggles and vulnerabilities. The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict and tension between the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the power dynamics between characters in a tense and intimate setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Romy and Samuel are well-developed in the scene, showcasing their complex emotions and inner conflicts. The dialogue and interactions between the characters reveal their vulnerabilities and desires, adding depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Samuel experience emotional shifts in the scene, revealing their vulnerabilities and desires in a new light. The intimate and dangerous encounter leads to a deeper understanding of their characters and relationship dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to confront her feelings towards Samuel and assert her own agency in the situation. This reflects her deeper need for independence and self-respect.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to resist Samuel's advances and maintain control over the situation. This reflects the immediate challenge of asserting her boundaries and safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with emotional tensions and power struggles between Romy and Samuel driving the narrative forward. The conflicting desires and vulnerabilities of the characters create a compelling and suspenseful atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing conflicting desires and power struggles that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with Romy and Samuel facing emotional and physical danger in their intimate encounter. The power dynamics and vulnerabilities at play raise the stakes for the characters, adding suspense and intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by deepening the conflict and tension between Romy and Samuel. The evolving relationship dynamics and emotional revelations add depth to the narrative, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected shifts in power dynamics and the characters' conflicting desires.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the power struggle between the characters, where Samuel exerts control and the protagonist fights for autonomy. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about self-worth and agency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of fear, desire, and vulnerability in the audience. The intense and intimate moments between Romy and Samuel resonate emotionally, drawing viewers into the complex dynamics of their relationship.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and tension between Romy and Samuel. The exchanges between the characters reveal their inner thoughts and desires, driving the scene forward with intensity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict between the characters and the suspenseful atmosphere created by the setting and dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the atmosphere and emotions of the characters.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and reveals the characters' motivations through their actions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and intimacy through the physicality of the characters' interaction. The juxtaposition of the threat of drowning with the tenderness of their kiss creates a complex emotional landscape that reflects Romy's internal struggles.
  • However, the dialogue feels somewhat abrupt and lacks depth. Romy's line 'You should' in response to Samuel's ominous statement could be expanded to better convey her emotional state. This line could reflect her feelings of despair or resignation, adding layers to her character.
  • The visual imagery of the steam rising from the pool is evocative, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere. Describing the sounds of the water, the chill of the night air, or the sensation of the water on Romy's skin could immerse the audience further into the moment.
  • The power dynamics between Romy and Samuel are intriguing, but the scene could clarify Romy's motivations. Is she drawn to him despite the danger, or is she feeling trapped? Providing more context for her emotional state would deepen the audience's understanding of her choices.
  • The abruptness of the scene's conclusion, with the kiss following Samuel's threatening words, may leave the audience confused about Romy's feelings. A more gradual build-up to the kiss or a moment of hesitation could enhance the tension and make the emotional stakes clearer.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding Romy's dialogue to reflect her emotional turmoil more clearly. For example, she could express a mix of fear and longing, which would add depth to her character.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the water, the temperature of the air, and the sensations Romy feels as she is pulled into the pool.
  • Clarify Romy's motivations and emotional state throughout the scene. Adding internal monologue or subtle physical cues could help convey her conflicting feelings about Samuel.
  • Build up the tension before the kiss by including a moment of hesitation or conflict. This could heighten the emotional stakes and make the kiss feel more impactful.
  • Consider using visual metaphors or symbolism to enhance the themes of danger and intimacy. For example, the water could represent both a place of refuge and a source of danger, reflecting Romy's internal struggle.



Scene 54 - Confrontation and Compassion
INT. UPSTATE HOUSE STUDY/ HALLWAY/ LIVING ROOM -NIGHT

At the fireplace Samuel and Romy sit wrapped in thick
blankets, opposite each other. With her finger she moves back
and forward in front of his face (her version of EMDR). He
follows her finger with his eyes. He smiles.

ROMY
5,4,3,2,1...

He closes his eyes.

ROMY (CONT’D)
How does it feel? What do you see?

He doesn’t answer. His cheeks turn red. His eyes twitch.

ROMY (CONT’D)
What does it smell like?

He starts to breathe heavy. A tear rolls down his face. He
looks like he is in pain. Romy takes his face in her hands.

ROMY (CONT’D)
(soft)
Hey, come back to me. Hey-

Slowly, he opens his eyes.

ROMY (CONT’D)
Are you ok?

She looks into his eyes.

ROMY (CONT’D)
What did you see?

He wipes his face. He avoids her gaze.

SAMUEL
You. I saw you.

After a moment of silence, Romy changes the subject:

ROMY
Did I mess with your head?

He thinks about it.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 82.


SMANUEL
Yes, you did. But so did I- with
yours.

She shakes her head.

SAMUEL
We’re equally responsible.

ROMY
(decisive)
No. That doesn’t make it okay.

They hear a sound. They look up and to their shock, they see
Jacob. Seemingly calm he looks back at them. No one speaks.
Slowly Samuel and Romy get up. A long beat.

JACOB
(Calm, to his wife)
Please, give us a minute- Just
leave us alone.

She doesn’t move.

JACOB (CONT’D)
Come on, Romy. Come on- Just give
me some time with him.

ROMY
No. Jacob- Lets stay calm.

Jacob takes her arm and tries to lead her out of the room but
Romy physically resists. When Jacob starts to push her out,
Samuel lays his hand on Jacob’s shoulder, which triggers
Jacob to immediately attack him.

ROMY (CONT’D)
Jacob! No!

The men start to fight. Samuel tries to deescalate, but to no
avail. Romy grabs her husband’s arms to make him stop. He
swiftly turns to her and pushes her out of the way.

JACOB
(to Romy)
Stay back!

Seeing him push Romy, Samuel attacks Jacob. Romy tries to
pull Samuel away from her husband. They destroy a chair; they
drag each other over the expensive carpet. They move from the
study into the hallway, all the way to the living room. Their
bodies so close it’s almost intimate.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 83.


ROMY
Stop! Jesus Christ.

Romy manages to separate them. Both exhausted, the two men
catch their breath. Romy stands in between them.

JACOB
(under his breath)
You sat at my fucking table. You
talked to my girls.

Samuel looks at him.

JACOB (CONT’D)
How long? How fucking long?
(to Romy)
You lied to me- you fucking lied to
me!

Romy tries to keep Samuel calm, who’s eyes are dark with
aggression.

JACOB (CONT’D)
I felt sorry for you!

Jacob pushes Romy away. Samuel can’t help but be provoked to
engage again. He pushes Jacob onto the sofa. Jacob tries to
fight back. Samuel attacks him. He throws a punch.



CUT TO:

Time lapse- they are exhausted. The spotless living room is
now a war-zone. Panting, like tired animals, Samuel and
Jacobd sit in two different corners of the room. Quietly,
Romy comes in and hands each of them a bag of frozen peas.
Samuel holds it against his cheek. He starts to get up.

JACOB (CONT’D)
Sit down.

He does. They ice their bruises. Jacob studies Samuel’s face.

JACOB (CONT’D)
(strangely calm)
She used you. You know that right?
She abused you-

Samuel looks at him without blinking. A beat.

JACOB (CONT’D)
(quietly)
You think that’s intimacy?
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 84.


SAMUEL
What?

JACOB
Humiliation- domination,
submission...whatever they call it-
It’s neurotic-

SAMUEL
(calm)
You’re wrong. You don’t understand.

JACOB
Female masochism is a male fantasy,
a male construct, don’t you fucking
get that?

SAMUEL
That’s a dated idea of sexuality.

He falls silent when he sees the desperation in Jacob’s eyes.

JACOB
A dated idea?

Samuel just looks at Jacob. He sees pain and panic. Jacob
can’t help himself. His body starts trembling until it
violently shakes. Jacob has a full on panic attack. He grabs
his chest, gasps for air. Worried, Romy tries to come closer,
grabs his arm.

JACOB (CONT’D)
(to Romy)
No, not you.

Quickly, Samuel takes a glass of water. He cautiously goes to
sit next to him and lets Jacob drink. Slowly Samuel lays his
hand on Jacob’s back, which seems to calm him down. Then
Jacob starts bringing his forehead to Samuel’s forehead.
Samuel isn’t sure if Jacob is going to head-butt him or wants
to be comforted by him. Head to head they breathe together.
They lock eyes. He sees how Jacob’s eyes s fill up with
tears. Jacob starts to cry. Samuel looks at him for a long
beat and whispers:

SAMUEL
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

Careful, Samuel gets up. He stands tall and looks at Romy and
Jacob, both sitting on the floor like two children. Calm, he
walks to the front door, opens it. Romy and Jacob stare at
the door as he walks away, leaving the door open behind him.
Light from the morning sun shines through.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 85.


PRE-LAB:

ESME
It is such a huge honor to have
been guided by a woman named Romy
Mathis.
Genres: ["Drama","Psychological Thriller"]

Summary In a charged scene, Samuel and Romy engage in a therapeutic exercise that leads to Samuel confronting his emotions. When Jacob enters, tensions rise, resulting in a physical fight between him and Samuel. After the chaos, Jacob accuses Samuel of being manipulated by Romy, which escalates into a discussion about intimacy. Jacob then suffers a panic attack, and Samuel shows compassion by helping him calm down. The scene concludes with Samuel leaving the house, leaving Jacob and Romy behind in the aftermath.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional depth
  • Powerful character dynamics
  • Effective use of physical conflict
  • Revealing confrontations
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is well-crafted with a high level of intensity, emotional depth, and character dynamics. The confrontation and revelation add significant weight to the story, making it a pivotal moment in the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of exploring past actions, emotional turmoil, and the impact on relationships is effectively realized in the scene. The use of physical conflict and emotional vulnerability adds depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.7

The plot is advanced significantly through the confrontation and revelation in the scene. It deepens the conflict between the characters and sets the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene explores complex themes of intimacy, power dynamics, and emotional vulnerability in a fresh and authentic way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and original, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.9

The characters' emotions, vulnerabilities, and conflicts are vividly portrayed in the scene, showcasing their complexity and depth. The interactions between the characters reveal layers of their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional changes during the scene, revealing new layers of their personalities and relationships. The confrontations and revelations lead to introspection and growth for the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to confront his emotions and memories, as seen through his reactions to Romy's EMDR technique. This reflects his deeper need for healing and emotional release.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the conflict with Jacob and maintain his composure. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a tense situation and potential confrontation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with physical and emotional confrontations between the characters. The tensions and vulnerabilities escalate, leading to a climactic moment of revelation and emotional release.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting emotions and power dynamics driving the conflict between the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing emotional turmoil, revelations, and confrontations that could have lasting consequences on their relationships and futures.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflicts, relationships, and character dynamics. It sets the stage for further developments and resolutions in the narrative, driving the plot towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the character dynamics and emotional revelations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around ideas of intimacy, abuse, and power dynamics in relationships. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about sexuality and emotional connection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking intense feelings of tension, vulnerability, and empathy for the characters. The raw emotions and confrontations resonate with the audience, creating a powerful and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 8.4

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, conflicts, and revelations. It adds to the intensity and authenticity of the scene, capturing the raw emotions and tensions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, raw character interactions, and unpredictable developments.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a dramatic and emotional confrontation.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured progression of escalating conflict and emotional intensity, effectively building tension and drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the physical confrontation between Jacob and Samuel, showcasing the emotional stakes involved. However, the transition from the therapeutic exercise to the fight feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • Romy's role as a mediator is compelling, but her emotional journey could be more pronounced. The scene could benefit from deeper exploration of her internal conflict as she navigates the chaos between the two men. This would add layers to her character and heighten the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reveals the characters' motivations well, but some lines could be more concise. For instance, Jacob's accusations could be streamlined to maintain the scene's pacing and intensity. This would help keep the audience focused on the escalating conflict.
  • The physicality of the fight is well-described, but the aftermath could be more visually striking. The description of the living room as a 'war-zone' is effective, but adding specific details about the destruction could create a more vivid image for the audience.
  • The moment of Jacob's panic attack is powerful, but the transition from aggression to vulnerability could be more gradual. Building up to this moment with subtle hints of Jacob's emotional state earlier in the scene would make his breakdown feel more earned and impactful.
  • Samuel's character development during this scene is intriguing, especially his calmness in the face of Jacob's aggression. However, his motivations could be clearer. Why does he choose to comfort Jacob after the fight? Adding a line or two to clarify his intentions would enhance his character arc.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Romy before the fight escalates, allowing the audience to see her internal struggle and the weight of the situation.
  • Streamline some of Jacob's dialogue to maintain the scene's pacing and focus on the emotional intensity of the confrontation.
  • Enhance the visual description of the living room post-fight to create a more vivid and impactful image of the chaos that ensues.
  • Build up to Jacob's panic attack with subtle cues earlier in the scene, such as his body language or facial expressions, to make the moment feel more organic.
  • Clarify Samuel's motivations for comforting Jacob after the fight, perhaps by adding a line that reflects his understanding of the emotional turmoil both men are experiencing.



Scene 55 - Voices of Empowerment and Isolation
INT. OFFICE BUILDING PRESS ROOM DAY

Close on Esme’s face in front of a green screen with the
Tensile logo behind her. She looks straight at us as she is
giving a speech for the company. At the bottom of the screen
we read: Esme Smith, Junior leadership coordinator.

ESME
...she understands the importance
of being a voice for your peers,
and an advocate for women around
the world who might not have the
opportunities that us, sitting
here, have.

CUT TO:


EXT. UPSTATE HOUSE- DAY

Romy stands behind the window, trapped and lonely in her
doll’s house. We hear Esme’s speech continue over the images
of Romy alone in the house. Time goes by.

ESME O.S.
So to be lifted up by a hero like
her makes this experience so much
more exceptional.


INT. OFFICE BUILDING PRESS ROOM-DAY

Esme looks into the camera and seems to address us directly.

ESME
Who are we, as women?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a press room, Esme Smith delivers an inspiring speech about women's empowerment and the importance of advocacy, highlighting Romy Mathis as a guiding figure. As Esme speaks confidently in front of a green screen, the scene contrasts sharply with Romy, who is depicted in her dollhouse, feeling isolated and lonely. The emotional tone blends empowerment with melancholy, emphasizing the disparity between Esme's uplifting message and Romy's entrapment. The scene culminates with Esme posing a thought-provoking question to the audience about women's identity.
Strengths
  • Effective juxtaposition of themes
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Well-developed characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of significant character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of tension, reflection, and emotional depth through the juxtaposition of Esme's powerful speech and Romy's isolated state. The themes of female empowerment and loneliness are well-developed, creating a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of juxtaposing Esme's empowering speech with Romy's isolated state is innovative and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively explores themes of female empowerment and loneliness through this contrast.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the contrast between Esme's speech and Romy's situation, deepening the themes of empowerment and loneliness. The scene adds complexity to the characters' arcs and relationships.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of gender empowerment by juxtaposing Esme's speech with Romy's loneliness, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Esme and Romy are well-developed in this scene, with Esme embodying empowerment and Romy portraying loneliness. Their interactions and emotions add depth to the narrative and enhance the themes of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the emotional depth and internal struggles of Esme and Romy are further revealed, deepening the audience's understanding of their complexities.

Internal Goal: 8

Esme's internal goal in this scene is to inspire and empower women, as she talks about being a voice for her peers and advocating for women's opportunities. This reflects her desire to make a difference and uplift others.

External Goal: 7

Esme's external goal is to deliver a successful speech and convey her message effectively to the audience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, revolving around the characters' struggles with empowerment and loneliness. The tension arises from the contrast between Esme's speech and Romy's isolated state.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong due to the emotional conflict between empowerment and loneliness, leaving the audience uncertain about the characters' resolutions.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are more emotional and internal, focusing on the characters' struggles with empowerment and loneliness. While there is tension and reflection, the physical stakes are relatively low.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by exploring the themes of empowerment and loneliness through Esme and Romy's contrasting experiences. It adds depth to the characters' arcs and relationships, enriching the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected contrast between empowerment and loneliness, keeping the audience intrigued about the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the contrast between empowerment and loneliness. While Esme speaks about uplifting women, Romy is shown feeling trapped and isolated in her house.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, reflection, and empathy for the characters. The contrast between empowerment and loneliness adds depth to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the contrasting emotions and themes, adding layers to the characters' interactions. The speeches by Esme and Romy's internal reflections contribute to the scene's depth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, contrasting visuals, and powerful dialogue that keeps the audience invested in Esme's message and Romy's situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing Esme's speech with Romy's silent loneliness, creating a poignant contrast.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts Esme's empowering speech with Romy's isolation, visually representing the theme of women's empowerment versus personal struggle. However, the transition between Esme's speech and Romy's visuals could be more fluid to enhance the emotional impact.
  • Esme's dialogue is strong and conveys a clear message about advocacy and empowerment. However, it could benefit from a more personal touch or anecdote that connects her message to Romy's character, deepening the audience's emotional investment.
  • The use of the green screen and the corporate setting for Esme's speech is a clever choice, but it risks feeling too sterile. Incorporating more dynamic visuals or reactions from the audience could add energy and engagement to the scene.
  • Romy's portrayal as 'trapped and lonely' is compelling, but the imagery of her in a 'doll's house' could be further developed. Exploring the symbolism of the dollhouse more explicitly could enhance the audience's understanding of her emotional state.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The transition from Esme's speech to Romy's visuals could be tightened to maintain momentum and keep the audience engaged. The time passage could be visually represented in a more dynamic way, perhaps through quick cuts or changes in lighting.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Esme acknowledges Romy's influence directly in her speech, creating a stronger connection between the two characters and enhancing the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Incorporate visual elements that show Romy's emotional response to Esme's speech, such as close-ups of her face or her physical reactions, to create a more intimate connection with the audience.
  • Experiment with the pacing by intercutting between Esme's speech and Romy's actions or memories, allowing for a more dynamic flow that reflects the contrast between empowerment and isolation.
  • Enhance the symbolism of the dollhouse by including visual metaphors that represent Romy's feelings of confinement and longing for freedom, such as her looking out the window or touching the glass.
  • Consider using ambient sound or music that complements Esme's speech, gradually building in intensity to reflect Romy's emotional journey, culminating in a powerful moment of realization or connection.



Scene 56 - Contrasting Struggles
INT. UPSTATE HOUSE BEDROOM- DAY

With her clothes on, Romy lays awake on the big bed. She
holds Nora’s teddy bear. Dirty dishes scattered around her. A
burning cigarette in her hand. Romy’s laptop next to her.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 86.


ESME O.S.
Modern leaders aren't afraid to
take chances, embrace change and
usher a team into the unknown.

CUT TO:


INT. UPSTATE HOUSE HALLWAY- NIGHT

Romy sits on the staircase, her hair a mess, with her phone
in her hand, waiting for Jacob to text her.

ESME O.S.
Sincerity, vulnerability and
radical self honesty create a work
environment of shared learning,
compassion and true connection.


INT OFFICE BUILDING PRESS ROOM DAY

Esme looks into the camera.

ESME
Now how do we do that? By making
changes from top to bottom to
support women at every level across
the company.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a disheveled state, Romy lies in bed with Nora's teddy bear, surrounded by dirty dishes and a burning cigarette, reflecting her emotional turmoil and anxiety as she waits for a text from Jacob. Meanwhile, Esme delivers an empowering speech about modern leadership and supporting women in the workplace, highlighting sincerity and vulnerability. The scene juxtaposes Romy's internal struggles with Esme's confident advocacy, emphasizing the theme of women's empowerment amidst personal challenges. As Esme speaks directly to the camera, Romy's unresolved emotional state lingers, leaving a sense of melancholy and introspection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Dialogue
  • Theme exploration
Weaknesses
  • Pacing
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a mix of tension, emotion, and empowerment through the contrasting experiences of Romy and Esme. The dialogue and character interactions create a compelling narrative that delves into complex themes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of contrasting personal struggles with professional empowerment is intriguing and adds layers to the characters. The scene effectively explores themes of leadership, vulnerability, and acceptance.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is significant as it delves into Romy's internal conflicts and the external pressures she faces. The interaction between characters drives the narrative forward and sets up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique elements such as the teddy bear symbolizing connection and vulnerability, and the dialogue about modern leadership and workplace empowerment.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Romy and Esme, are well-developed and showcase depth in their emotions and motivations. The scene allows for character growth and reveals layers of complexity in their relationships.

Character Changes: 8

Romy undergoes significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with her personal demons and confronting her vulnerabilities. The interaction with Esme also hints at potential shifts in their relationship dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal is to find connection and meaning in her life, as indicated by her holding Nora's teddy bear and waiting for Jacob to text her.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to establish a meaningful relationship with Jacob and navigate the challenges of modern leadership and work environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains internal and external conflicts, primarily revolving around Romy's personal struggles and the power dynamics at play in her professional life. The tension between characters adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene, such as Romy's internal struggles and the challenges of modern leadership, adds complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, with Romy facing personal and professional challenges that could impact her relationships and career. The emotional intensity adds weight to the decisions made by the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Romy's internal struggles and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. The interactions between characters reveal new layers of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of Romy's emotional journey and the challenges she faces in her personal and professional life.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between embracing vulnerability and taking chances in leadership, as well as the importance of supporting women in the workplace.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly through Romy's inner turmoil and Esme's empowering speech. The vulnerability and acceptance portrayed resonate deeply with the viewers.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters effectively. The conversations between Romy and Esme add depth to their relationship dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the juxtaposition of intimate moments with larger themes of leadership and empowerment.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, enhancing the overall impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and transitions, contributing to the overall narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes Romy's emotional turmoil with Esme's empowering speech, creating a strong contrast that highlights Romy's isolation. However, the transition between Romy's physical state and Esme's dialogue could be more fluid to enhance the emotional impact.
  • Romy's disheveled appearance and the cluttered environment serve as visual metaphors for her mental state, but the scene could benefit from more specific details that illustrate her emotional struggle. For instance, incorporating her thoughts or feelings could deepen the audience's connection to her character.
  • The use of voiceover from Esme is a powerful device, but it may feel disconnected from Romy's experience. Consider integrating Romy's internal monologue or reactions to Esme's words to create a more cohesive narrative thread.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc for Romy. While it establishes her current state, it doesn't show any progression or change, which can make the scene feel stagnant. Introducing a moment of realization or decision could enhance the dramatic tension.
  • The setting of the upstate house is visually interesting, but it could be further utilized to reflect Romy's emotional state. For example, using lighting or camera angles to emphasize her isolation or despair could add depth to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Romy that reflects her feelings of neglect or longing for connection, which would enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Explore the possibility of having Romy react physically to Esme's speech, such as showing her frustration or hope, to create a more dynamic interaction between the two narratives.
  • Incorporate visual elements that symbolize Romy's emotional state, such as dim lighting or shadows, to reinforce the contrast between her experience and Esme's empowering message.
  • Introduce a moment where Romy makes a decision or takes an action in response to Esme's speech, which could serve as a turning point for her character and add momentum to the scene.
  • Consider tightening the pacing of the scene by reducing the length of Esme's voiceover or interspersing it with Romy's reactions to maintain engagement and emotional intensity.



Scene 57 - Embracing Authenticity
EXT. UPSTATE HOUSE SWIMMING POOL DAY

Wrapped in a blanket, Romy stands at the edge of the pool.
She stares into the water. She smokes.

ESME O.S.
If we dare to let go of expectation
and move towards what scares us, we
can often find unexpected strength.

Romy throws the cigarette into the pool.

ESME O.S. (CONT’D)
Today we celebrate genuine
authenticity, and true uniqueness
in very individual that works at
Tensile.

CUT TO:
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 87.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Romy stands at the edge of a swimming pool, wrapped in a blanket and smoking a cigarette, lost in thought as she listens to Esme's voiceover about letting go of expectations and celebrating authenticity at Tensile. As she discards the cigarette into the water, it symbolizes her struggle with internal conflicts and the desire for release. The scene captures a contemplative and introspective moment, highlighting Romy's vulnerability against the backdrop of the inviting pool, ultimately leaving her emotional state unresolved.
Strengths
  • Effective use of contrast between characters and themes
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Well-developed characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Moderate conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a range of emotions through its tone and setting, creating a compelling contrast between Romy's internal turmoil and Esme's empowering message. The tension and danger introduced by the pool scene add depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of juxtaposing Romy's emotional turmoil with Esme's empowering speech is innovative and adds depth to the scene. The use of the swimming pool as a setting enhances the thematic elements of tension and danger.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the emotional states of the characters and the contrast between vulnerability and strength. While there is not much plot progression, the scene serves to deepen the characters' arcs and themes of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of authenticity and individuality in a corporate setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Romy and Esme are well-developed in this scene, with their contrasting emotions and motivations effectively portrayed. The scene delves into their inner struggles and desires, adding complexity to their characters.

Character Changes: 8

Both Romy and Esme undergo emotional changes in the scene, with Romy confronting her inner turmoil and Esme delivering an empowering speech. These changes deepen the characters' arcs and add complexity to their motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to find unexpected strength by letting go of expectations and moving towards what scares her. This reflects her deeper need for personal growth and self-discovery.

External Goal: 7

Romy's external goal is to celebrate genuine authenticity and true uniqueness at Tensile, the workplace she is in. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the scene and the challenges she may be facing in the corporate environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily internal and emotional in nature. The tension between Romy's vulnerability and Esme's strength adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Romy faces internal and external challenges related to authenticity and personal growth. The audience is unsure of how she will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes in the scene are primarily emotional and internal, with Romy confronting her inner turmoil and Esme delivering an empowering message. While the tension is high, the physical stakes are relatively low.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly move the plot forward, it deepens the characters' arcs and themes of the story. The emotional and thematic developments in the scene contribute to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it challenges the audience's expectations of a corporate setting by focusing on personal growth and authenticity. The philosophical conflict adds layers of complexity and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between embracing authenticity and uniqueness versus conforming to societal expectations. This challenges Romy's beliefs and values about individuality and self-expression.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with Romy's internal turmoil and Esme's empowering speech evoking strong emotions in the audience. The contrast between vulnerability and strength adds depth to the characters' arcs.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the thematic contrast between vulnerability and empowerment. The speeches by Esme add depth to the scene and highlight the characters' inner conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it delves into themes of personal growth and authenticity, drawing the audience into Romy's internal struggles and external challenges. The dialogue and setting create a compelling atmosphere.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of reflection and introspection, balanced with dialogue and action. It builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and enhances the readability of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup and resolution of conflicts. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses visual symbolism with Romy standing at the edge of the pool, wrapped in a blanket, which conveys her vulnerability and emotional state. However, the juxtaposition of her isolation against Esme's empowering voiceover creates a stark contrast that could be further emphasized to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue from Esme is inspirational, but it feels somewhat disconnected from Romy's immediate emotional turmoil. The scene could benefit from a more direct connection between Romy's internal struggle and Esme's message, perhaps by incorporating Romy's thoughts or feelings in response to Esme's words.
  • Romy's action of throwing the cigarette into the pool serves as a metaphor for letting go, but it lacks a strong emotional payoff. Expanding on this moment with a brief flashback or a visual cue that reflects her past struggles could deepen the audience's understanding of her character and the significance of this act.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed. Allowing for a moment of silence or a longer pause after Romy discards the cigarette could give the audience time to absorb the weight of her actions and the significance of Esme's speech.
  • The transition to the cut to Esme's speech feels abrupt. A smoother transition that visually connects Romy’s actions with Esme’s words could enhance the flow of the scene and create a more cohesive narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Romy that reflects her feelings about Esme's message, creating a more personal connection to the audience.
  • Incorporate a visual flashback or imagery that symbolizes Romy's past struggles as she listens to Esme's empowering words, reinforcing the theme of overcoming adversity.
  • Allow for a moment of silence after Romy throws the cigarette into the pool to emphasize the significance of her action and give the audience time to reflect on her emotional state.
  • Explore the possibility of having Romy physically react to Esme's speech, such as nodding or showing signs of contemplation, to visually connect her with the message being delivered.
  • Consider revising the transition to Esme's speech to create a more seamless flow, perhaps by using a visual cue that links Romy's action to the themes of authenticity and strength discussed in the speech.



Scene 58 - A Call for Reconciliation
INT. UPSTATE HOUSE- LIVING ROOM- EARLY MORNING

Time has passed. The house is a total mess. Romy is sleeping
on the sofa. Dirty plates with cigarette butts and half empty
glasses everywhere. The door opens.

ESME O.S.
We invite each other to show the
world who we really are, regardless
of peoples assumptions and without
fear.

Slowly, Isabel walks in. She looks around. Quickly, she
covers her nose with her hand. She kneels down next to her
mother and gently touches her face. When Romy opens her eyes,
she is surprised to see her daughter.

ISABEL
(soft, worried)
Hey- Are you ok? You look like
grandma.

ROMY
How did you get here?

ISABEL
I took a car.

ROMY
That’s expensive.

Romy smiles.

ISABEL
Mom, you need to come home. Dad
needs you. He refuses to leave the
theatre, he doesn't eat, he is
reading the bible.

Puzzled, Romy looks at her.

ISABEL (CONT’D)
He’ll forgive you.

Concerned, Romy looks up.

ROMY
What did he tell you?

ISABEL
Nothing.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 88.


She takes her mother’s hand. Ashamed, Romy tries to hide her
face.

ISABEL (CONT’D)
Mary forgave me.

The sweet comparison touches Romy’s heart deeply.

ISABEL (CONT’D)
(tears in her eyes)
It’s ok, mom. He’ll forgive you.

She hugs her mother.

ISABEL (CONT’D)
Come on, lets go home.


INT. THEATER-DAY

Jacob sits alone in the dark and watches the empty stage. The
video wall is lowered half way, revealing the back walls of
the theatre. Romy enters quietly. She cautiously sits down
next to him. He looks frail. He doesn’t look at her.

ROMY
It’s my fault. I told you I was
someone else, and then I started to
get angry that you didn’t
understand who I really was. That’s
my- problem, not yours. I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry.

He looks at her.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a messy living room, Romy is confronted by her daughter Isabel, who urges her to return home to support her struggling father, Jacob. Despite her initial surprise and feelings of neglect, Romy is touched by Isabel's words and decides to seek forgiveness. The scene shifts to a theater where Jacob sits alone, reflecting his emotional isolation. Romy approaches him, takes responsibility for her past mistakes, and offers a heartfelt apology, signaling a potential path toward healing and reconciliation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Powerful character interactions
  • Exploration of themes of forgiveness and redemption
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys deep emotions and explores themes of forgiveness and redemption through strong character interactions and dialogue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of forgiveness and redemption is central to the scene, driving the character interactions and emotional depth.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on Romy's internal conflict and her daughter's forgiveness, moving the story forward in terms of emotional development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of forgiveness and redemption, with nuanced character interactions and emotional depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions drive the emotional core of the scene, particularly Romy and her daughter Isabel.

Character Changes: 8

Romy experiences a significant emotional change as she confronts her past actions and seeks forgiveness, while Isabel demonstrates growth by offering forgiveness and understanding.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to seek forgiveness and reconciliation with her family, particularly her husband. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance, love, and understanding.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince her husband to come home and reconcile with her. This reflects the immediate challenge of repairing their fractured relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on Romy's struggle with regret and her daughter's forgiveness.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing internal and external obstacles in her quest for forgiveness and reconciliation.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are high in terms of emotional resolution and the potential for redemption and reconciliation between Romy and her family.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward in terms of emotional development and character relationships, setting the stage for potential reconciliation and growth.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and the shifting dynamics between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between forgiveness and resentment, acceptance and judgment. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about redemption and second chances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and the themes of forgiveness and redemption.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and emotional, effectively conveying the characters' inner turmoil and the themes of forgiveness and redemption.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity, the conflict between characters, and the underlying tension of seeking forgiveness and reconciliation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing for moments of emotional reflection and tension, building towards the climax of the reconciliation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character motivations and emotional beats.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil Romy is experiencing, as evidenced by the messy living room and her disheveled state. This visual representation of her internal struggle is powerful and sets the tone for the confrontation with Isabel.
  • Isabel's entrance and her concern for Romy provide a poignant contrast to Romy's neglect. The dialogue between them is heartfelt, particularly Isabel's reassurance that Jacob will forgive Romy. This moment deepens the emotional stakes and highlights the familial bond.
  • The dialogue is generally strong, but some lines could be more impactful. For instance, Romy's line about how Isabel got there ('That’s expensive.') feels somewhat dismissive and could be rephrased to better reflect her concern for Isabel's well-being rather than the cost.
  • The transition from the living room to the theater is effective, but the emotional weight could be enhanced by adding a brief moment of reflection for Romy before she leaves. This could emphasize her internal conflict and the gravity of her decision to confront Jacob.
  • Jacob's frail appearance and his silence effectively convey his emotional state, but the scene could benefit from a bit more context about their relationship dynamics leading up to this moment. A line or two reflecting on their past could deepen the audience's understanding of their current conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Romy reflects on her situation before Isabel arrives, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that highlights her emotional state.
  • Revise Romy's line about the cost of Isabel's car ride to convey more concern for her daughter's safety and well-being, perhaps by asking if she was safe or if she needed help.
  • Enhance the transition to the theater by including a moment where Romy steels herself for the confrontation with Jacob, which could heighten the tension and anticipation for the audience.
  • In Jacob's scene, consider adding a line that hints at his feelings of betrayal or hurt, which would provide more context for Romy's apology and make their reconciliation feel more earned.
  • Explore the use of silence and non-verbal cues more in the theater scene. Jacob's body language and Romy's expressions could convey a lot of unspoken emotion, adding depth to their interaction.



Scene 59 - Confrontation in the Office
EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREETS- DAY

Weeks later. A worker takes down some Christmas decorations.


INT. OFFICE BUILDING ROMY'S OFFICE-DAY

Romy is working on her laptop. Without knocking, Mr. Missel
walks into Romy’s office.

MR. MISSEL
This is a wonderful way to start
the new year! Huh? How are you
doing?

She smiles. He sits down. A long beat.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 89.


MR. MISSEL (CONT’D)
Mmm-
(matter of factly)
Whatever happened to that intern?
The one that bought me the coffee?

Romy looks up.

MR. MISSEL (CONT’D)
I heard he was recruited by
Kawasaki, In Tokyo.

ROMY
Wow. Good for him.

MR. MISSEL
Good for you too.

He studies her face.

MR. MISSEL (CONT’D)
You didn't have anything to do with
that, did you?

She ignores his question.

MR. MISSEL (CONT’D)
Why don’t you come over next week
for drinks and we can talk about it-

She looks at his mouth, his skin. Her tone shifts.

ROMY
(calm)
Why don’t you fuck off, Sebastian?

MR. MISSEL
Careful Romy.

ROMY
I am not afraid of you, of whatever
the fuck you are capable of, of
what you know, of what you don't
know, I don't give a shit. Just
don't ever talk to me like that
again. If I want to be humiliated,
I will pay someone to do it. Now
get the fuck out of my office.

Romy takes a sip of coffee.
White Production Draft (10/31/23) 90.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense office scene set weeks after the holiday season, Romy faces Mr. Missel, who enters her office uninvited and engages in small talk about a former intern. As he probes into her past and invites her for drinks, Romy firmly rejects his advances, asserting her independence and demanding he leave. The confrontation highlights her empowerment against his condescending attitude, culminating in her taking a sip of coffee after firmly dismissing him.
Strengths
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Intense confrontation
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of context for Mr. Missel's behavior

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful due to the intense confrontation and the display of Romy's strength and resilience. The dialogue is sharp and powerful, driving the emotional intensity of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on a powerful confrontation in the office setting, is compelling and well-executed. It effectively highlights Romy's character and the challenges she faces.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the confrontation between Romy and Mr. Missel, showcasing a key moment of conflict and character development. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of workplace harassment and power dynamics, with authentic dialogue and realistic character interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Romy and Mr. Missel are well-developed in this scene, with Romy displaying strength and defiance, while Mr. Missel represents the antagonist. Their interactions drive the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Romy's character undergoes a subtle change as she stands up to Mr. Missel and asserts her strength and resilience. This moment marks a shift in her attitude and behavior.

Internal Goal: 9

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to assert her power and autonomy in the face of workplace harassment. This reflects her deeper need for respect, agency, and dignity.

External Goal: 8

Romy's external goal in this scene is to confront Mr. Missel and set boundaries in their professional relationship. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in dealing with harassment and asserting her authority.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and emotionally charged, driving the narrative forward and revealing key aspects of the characters' personalities.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Romy facing a difficult challenge in confronting Mr. Missel and asserting her authority.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Romy confronts Mr. Missel, risking potential consequences for her job and reputation. The outcome of the confrontation has significant implications.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about Romy's character, her challenges in the workplace, and the power dynamics at play. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected shift in power dynamics and Romy's bold confrontation with Mr. Missel.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between power dynamics and gender equality in the workplace. Romy challenges the traditional notions of submission and compliance by standing up for herself.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the intense confrontation and the display of Romy's strength and resilience. It evokes strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 9.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and impactful. It effectively conveys the tension and emotions between the characters, enhancing the overall intensity of the confrontation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict, sharp dialogue, and high stakes involved in the confrontation between Romy and Mr. Missel.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and allowing for emotional impact in the confrontation between Romy and Mr. Missel.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-heavy confrontation scene, with clear character actions and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic confrontation in a workplace setting, with a clear build-up of tension and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of tension and confrontation, showcasing Romy's growth and assertiveness. Her shift from a polite demeanor to a fierce rejection of Mr. Missel's advances is powerful and highlights her character development throughout the screenplay.
  • The dialogue is sharp and impactful, particularly Romy's final lines, which convey her frustration and refusal to be belittled. However, the transition from a seemingly casual conversation to a heated confrontation could benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance the emotional stakes.
  • Mr. Missel's character comes across as condescending and manipulative, which is effective in establishing him as an antagonist. However, providing a bit more context about their past interactions or his motivations could deepen the audience's understanding of the power dynamics at play.
  • The setting of Romy's office is appropriate, but it could be enhanced with more visual details that reflect her emotional state. For instance, incorporating elements that symbolize her struggles or victories could add depth to the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from small talk to confrontation. Allowing for more pauses or reactions from Romy could heighten the tension and give the audience a moment to absorb the shift in tone.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a few lines of dialogue that hint at the history between Romy and Mr. Missel before the confrontation escalates. This could provide context for their relationship and make Romy's reaction more impactful.
  • Incorporate more visual elements in Romy's office that reflect her emotional journey, such as photos, awards, or personal items that signify her struggles and triumphs. This could create a richer backdrop for the confrontation.
  • Slow down the pacing by including more beats between lines of dialogue, allowing for moments of tension to build. This could involve Romy's internal thoughts or physical reactions to Mr. Missel's comments.
  • Explore Romy's body language more thoroughly. Describing her posture, facial expressions, or movements could enhance the emotional weight of the scene and provide insight into her mental state.
  • Consider ending the scene with a strong visual or auditory cue that reinforces Romy's empowerment, such as the sound of the city outside or a close-up of her determined expression after Mr. Missel leaves.



Scene 60 - Moments of Intimacy and Liberation
EXT. NEW YORK CITY MORNING

A series of images: Buildings in the mist. Slowly the skies
clear. An overhead shot of trees in Central Park. It’s
Spring. An insect crawling out of the dirt. Birds. Rats.
Squirrels.


INT. ROMY AND JACOB’S APARTMENT BEDROOM/ CHEAP HOTEL ROOM DAY

Close on Jacob’s face. He looks at Romy full of love. Romy
sits opposite him on the bed. She doesn't look away. They
stay focused on each other. Both of them are completely
vulnerable in this moment. Gently, Romy lays her hand on his
heart. A long beat as they keep looking into each others
eyes. Jacob smiles, Romy closes her eyes. Slowly, Jacob
guides her to lie down on her belly. In his own authentic
way, he dominates her. When he lovingly covers her eyes with
his hand, allowing her to surrender to herself, we cut to:

In the Cheap Hotel Room with the red walls, Samuel sits on
the bed. The dog we saw at the beginning of the film, is in
between his legs. Gently, he strokes her head.

Tenderly, Jacob’s hands move over Romy’s body.

Samuel stands in the middle of the room. The dog circles
around Samuel. Elegantly, he lifts his hand as a sign that
the dog should sit down. She obeys immediately. She follows
Samuel’s every move. In his hand he holds a cookie. The dog
takes it with her mouth

Jacob uses his fingers to pleasure her. Romy feels safe and
seen and is no longer ashamed of the thoughts and images in
her head.

Samuel sits on the bed and lovingly holds the dog in his
arms. When he slowly gets up, the dog jumps of the bed,
following him wherever he goes.

Back to the close up of Romy’s face. She starts to orgasm.
For real. It’s intense and raw. Even though she needed to
create a red room in her head, she is closer to Jacob than
ever before.

The dog stands next to Samuel. Together, they walk out of the
room.

Romy breathes out. She looks into the camera. Liberated.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In a serene New York City morning, Jacob and Romy share a deeply intimate moment in their bedroom, where Jacob expresses his love and guides Romy to surrender to their connection. As Romy experiences liberation and pleasure, the scene contrasts with Samuel's nurturing bond with a dog in a cheap hotel room. The emotional tone highlights themes of love and vulnerability, culminating in Romy's sense of freedom as she looks into the camera.
Strengths
  • Raw emotional portrayal
  • Intense intimacy
  • Vulnerability of characters
  • Authenticity in emotions
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is powerful in its portrayal of raw emotions, vulnerability, and intimacy, creating a deeply impactful and memorable moment for the characters and the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring raw vulnerability and intense intimacy between characters is effectively realized in the scene, creating a powerful and emotionally resonant moment.

Plot: 8.5

While the plot progression is minimal in this scene, the focus on character development and emotional depth adds richness to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to depicting intimacy and vulnerability, with a unique setting and visual elements. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and emotionally resonant.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters' vulnerability, authenticity, and emotional depth shine through in this scene, allowing for a profound exploration of their inner worlds and relationships.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional growth and vulnerability, deepening their connection and understanding of each other.

Internal Goal: 9

Romy's internal goal in this scene is to feel safe, seen, and liberated. She seeks to overcome her shame and connect with Jacob on a deeper level.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to experience pleasure and intimacy with Jacob.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is emotional tension and vulnerability in the scene, the conflict is more internal and emotional rather than external, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and connections.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with internal conflicts and emotional barriers creating obstacles for the characters. The audience is left wondering how Romy and Jacob will navigate their relationship and overcome their personal struggles.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are more internal and emotional in this scene, focusing on the characters' personal struggles, vulnerabilities, and connections.

Story Forward: 8

While the scene focuses more on character development and emotional depth, it contributes to the overall narrative by deepening the relationships and inner worlds of the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the raw and intense emotions, unexpected character interactions, and non-linear structure. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters' relationships will evolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of vulnerability, surrender, and connection. It challenges Romy's beliefs about intimacy and self-acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.8

The scene has a profound emotional impact, evoking feelings of love, acceptance, vulnerability, and liberation in both the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is minimal but impactful, focusing on non-verbal communication and emotional expression to convey the characters' intimacy and vulnerability.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its raw emotions, intimate moments, and sensory details. The characters' vulnerability and connection draw the audience in and create a sense of emotional resonance.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, allowing the audience to experience the characters' vulnerability and connection in a meaningful way. The rhythm of the scene enhances its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the sensory details and emotional depth of the characters' experiences. The use of visuals and dialogue enhances the overall impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure, moving between different locations and characters to create a sense of intimacy and connection. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene juxtaposes two intimate moments—one between Romy and Jacob, and the other between Samuel and the dog. While this parallel structure is intriguing, it may confuse the audience regarding the emotional stakes. The connection between Romy and Jacob is deeply personal, while Samuel's interaction with the dog feels more like a separate narrative thread. This could dilute the impact of Romy's moment of liberation.
  • The use of close-ups and intimate imagery effectively conveys vulnerability and connection, particularly in Romy and Jacob's interaction. However, the transition to Samuel's scene feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother narrative flow. The audience may struggle to understand the significance of the dog's presence and its relationship to Romy's emotional journey.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which can be effective in conveying intimacy, but it may leave the audience wanting more context about the characters' emotional states. Adding subtle dialogue or internal monologue could enhance the depth of the scene and provide insight into Romy's feelings of liberation and safety.
  • The imagery of nature at the beginning sets a serene tone, but it may feel disconnected from the emotional intensity of the subsequent scenes. The transition from the external world to the internal emotional landscape could be more cohesive, perhaps by incorporating elements of nature that reflect Romy's emotional state.
  • The climax of Romy's orgasm is portrayed as intense and raw, which is powerful, but it risks alienating some viewers due to its explicit nature. Balancing the sensuality with emotional resonance is crucial to ensure that the scene remains relatable and impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider enhancing the transition between Romy and Jacob's scene and Samuel's scene to create a more cohesive narrative. This could involve a visual or thematic link that ties their experiences together, such as a shared memory or a symbolic object.
  • Incorporate subtle dialogue or internal thoughts from Romy during her intimate moment with Jacob to deepen the audience's understanding of her emotional state. This could help clarify her journey towards liberation and connection.
  • Explore the significance of the dog in Samuel's scene further. Perhaps include a moment where the dog reflects Romy's emotional journey, symbolizing loyalty or unconditional love, which could enhance the thematic depth of the scene.
  • Consider softening the explicit nature of Romy's orgasm by focusing more on the emotional release and connection she feels with Jacob. This could make the scene more accessible to a wider audience while still conveying the intensity of the moment.
  • Revisit the opening imagery to ensure it aligns with the emotional tone of the scene. You might consider using nature metaphors that resonate with Romy's journey, such as blooming flowers or the awakening of spring, to create a more cohesive emotional landscape.



Characters in the screenplay, and their arcs:

romy

<ul><li>Romy is a complex character in her late 40s, embodying a blend of strength, vulnerability, and ambition. She is a driven and ambitious woman, dedicated to her career in warehouse automation, yet she grapples with hidden desires and internal conflicts that often leave her feeling emotionally isolated. Romy is portrayed as a caring and organized individual, balancing her professional aspirations with her responsibilities as a mother and wife. Her interactions reveal a depth of emotion, showcasing her warmth and nurturing side, particularly in her relationships with her family and colleagues. Despite her assertive and authoritative demeanor as a CEO, she exhibits moments of vulnerability, especially in her interactions with Samuel and Jacob, hinting at past traumas and insecurities. Romy's speaking style is multifaceted; she oscillates between direct and assertive language, reflecting her strong personality, and softer, more intimate tones that reveal her emotional depth. She often uses straightforward language but can also express herself with humor and playfulness, particularly when she feels safe. Her character is marked by a struggle for self-acceptance, a desire for connection, and a journey towards reconciling her personal and professional lives.</li><li>Romy's speaking style is a mix of precise, authoritative, and vulnerable tones. She often communicates with determination and clarity, using technical jargon in her professional life, while also revealing a softer side in personal interactions. Her dialogue can be direct and probing, reflecting her curiosity and concern, but she also exhibits moments of emotional intensity and raw honesty, particularly when discussing her inner struggles.</li></ul>



jacob

Jacob is Romy's husband, a warm and handsome man in his late 50s, characterized by his loving and caring nature. He embodies a supportive figure in Romy's life, balancing her demanding career with gentle reminders of their personal relationship's importance. Jacob's speaking style is predominantly gentle, affectionate, and reassuring, often infused with humor and playfulness. He engages with his family in a light-hearted manner, showcasing his jovial and expressive personality. Despite his warmth, Jacob grapples with his own insecurities and vulnerabilities, particularly in moments of emotional tension with Romy. He is depicted as a dedicated theater professional, whose passion for his work complements his role as a husband and father. Jacob's character arc reveals a journey from being a supportive partner to confronting the complexities of Romy's hidden desires and their impact on their relationship. His speaking style evolves from gentle encouragement to direct confrontation, reflecting his emotional turmoil and struggle to understand Romy's actions. Ultimately, he seeks to guide Romy towards vulnerability and acceptance, deepening their emotional connection.



isabel

<ul><li>Isabel is a vibrant and multifaceted character who embodies a lively curiosity and a playful spirit. She is rebellious and outspoken, often challenging societal norms and family expectations with her boldness and confidence. Despite her impulsive nature, she possesses a deep sense of empathy and understanding, particularly towards her family members. As the story progresses, Isabel reveals her emotional maturity, showcasing her ability to communicate openly and supportively, especially in moments of vulnerability. Her character oscillates between playful banter and serious confrontation, reflecting her complex relationship with her family and her own identity.</li><li>Isabel's speaking style evolves throughout the screenplay. Initially, she is energetic and witty, engaging in playful teasing and banter. As the narrative unfolds, her tone shifts to become more direct and confrontational, particularly when expressing her rebellious nature. In moments of vulnerability, her speech becomes gentle and hesitant, revealing her caring side. Ultimately, she communicates with a compassionate and forgiving tone, demonstrating her emotional growth and maturity.</li></ul>



samuel

<ul><li>Samuel is a complex and enigmatic young man who exudes confidence, charm, and a hint of vulnerability. He possesses a playful and flirtatious demeanor, often using humor to navigate tense situations and connect with others, particularly Romy. His calm and measured speaking style contrasts with moments of intensity and emotional depth, revealing layers of his personality. Samuel is observant and perceptive, capable of reading people and diffusing tension, yet he also harbors hidden motives and a darker side that adds intrigue to his character. Throughout the screenplay, he oscillates between being a comforting presence and a manipulative force, showcasing a range of emotions from eagerness and determination to conflict and vulnerability. His interactions with Romy are marked by a mix of desire, mentorship, and power dynamics, making their relationship both compelling and complex.</li><li>Samuel's speaking style is casual, charming, and at times flirtatious. He communicates with a calm confidence, often engaging others with wit and humor. However, he also displays moments of intensity and introspection, particularly when confronting his feelings or navigating complex situations. His dialogue can shift from playful banter to serious and emotional, reflecting his inner turmoil and the multifaceted nature of his character.</li></ul>



esme

Esme is a dynamic and multifaceted character who evolves throughout the screenplay. Initially introduced as Romy's efficient and organized assistant, she is dedicated to supporting her superior and ensuring a smooth onboarding process for interns. Her speaking style is respectful and attentive, reflecting her professionalism and attention to detail. As the story progresses, Esme's character takes on a more lively and curious demeanor, showcasing her eagerness to learn and her playful side, which adds a comedic element to interactions. However, she also grapples with vulnerability and naivety, particularly when caught in complex situations involving Romy and Samuel. This duality highlights her desire for growth and recognition within the company, as she navigates her ambitions while maintaining a supportive role. Eventually, Esme emerges as a confident and assertive figure, challenging Romy's leadership and advocating for women's empowerment. Her speaking style becomes sharper and more confrontational, emphasizing her strategic mindset and willingness to confront difficult truths. By the end, Esme embodies strength and determination, delivering an inspiring speech that underscores the importance of female voices in leadership. Her character arc reflects a journey from a supportive assistant to a powerful advocate for change, showcasing her growth and complexity.



CharacterArcCritiqueSuggestions
romy
  • Romy is introduced as a successful CEO, balancing her demanding career with family life. She appears confident but is internally conflicted about her desires and responsibilities.
  • As the story progresses, Romy faces challenges that force her to confront her vulnerabilities and the impact of her past decisions. Her interactions with Samuel and Jacob reveal her longing for intimacy and connection, leading to moments of emotional turmoil and self-discovery.
  • Romy reaches a breaking point where her internal conflicts come to a head, forcing her to make difficult choices between her professional ambitions and personal desires. This moment of crisis leads to a confrontation with her fears and insecurities.
  • By the end of the screenplay, Romy emerges as a more self-aware individual, having reconciled her ambitions with her personal life. She learns to embrace her vulnerabilities and seeks genuine connections, ultimately finding a balance between her roles as a leader and a mother.
Romy's character arc is compelling, showcasing her complexity and depth. However, the transitions between her various emotional states can feel abrupt at times, which may confuse the audience. While her internal struggles are well-defined, the external conflicts she faces could be more clearly tied to her character development. Additionally, her relationships with other characters, particularly Samuel and Jacob, could benefit from deeper exploration to enhance the emotional stakes of her journey. To improve Romy's character arc, consider incorporating more gradual transitions between her emotional states to create a smoother narrative flow. Strengthening her relationships with supporting characters can add layers to her journey, allowing for more impactful moments of connection and conflict. Additionally, introducing specific external challenges that directly relate to her internal struggles can help to create a more cohesive arc, emphasizing the stakes of her choices and the growth she experiences throughout the screenplay.
jacob Jacob's character arc begins with him as a supportive and loving husband, unaware of Romy's hidden desires and emotional struggles. As the story progresses, he becomes increasingly aware of the tensions in their relationship, leading to moments of frustration and confusion. Following a heated argument, Jacob confronts his own insecurities and the challenges of communicating effectively with Romy. This culminates in a pivotal moment where he reacts with controlled aggression to Romy's revelation, forcing him to reevaluate his perceptions of their relationship. By the end of the feature, Jacob emerges as a more emotionally aware and vulnerable partner, guiding Romy towards acceptance and deeper emotional intimacy, ultimately strengthening their bond. Jacob's character arc is compelling, showcasing a range of emotions and complexities that make him relatable. However, the transition from a supportive husband to a confrontational figure could benefit from more gradual development. At times, his reactions may feel abrupt, which could detract from the emotional impact of his journey. Additionally, while Jacob's warmth is evident, there could be more exploration of his personal ambitions and how they intersect with Romy's desires, adding depth to his character. To improve Jacob's character arc, consider incorporating more scenes that highlight his personal struggles and ambitions outside of his role as a husband and father. This could create a more balanced dynamic between him and Romy, allowing for richer conflict and resolution. Additionally, introducing moments of introspection where Jacob reflects on his feelings and insecurities could enhance the audience's understanding of his emotional journey. Gradually building up to his confrontational moments with Romy can also help maintain the emotional continuity of his character, making his eventual vulnerability and acceptance feel more earned and impactful.
isabel
  • Isabel starts as a lively and playful teenager who enjoys teasing her family and challenging norms.
  • As the story progresses, she becomes more rebellious and confrontational, causing tension within her family. This phase highlights her struggle for individuality and self-expression.
  • In a pivotal moment, Isabel confronts her family about their expectations, leading to a significant conflict that forces her to reflect on her relationships.
  • By the end of the screenplay, Isabel demonstrates emotional maturity and compassion, offering forgiveness and understanding to her family, particularly her mother. She learns to balance her rebellious spirit with empathy, ultimately strengthening family bonds.
Isabel's character arc is compelling, showcasing her growth from a playful teenager to a more mature individual. However, the transition between her rebellious phase and her eventual emotional maturity could be more gradual. The screenplay may benefit from additional scenes that illustrate her internal struggles and the factors that influence her transformation. This would provide a deeper understanding of her motivations and enhance the emotional impact of her journey. To improve Isabel's character arc, consider incorporating more moments of introspection where she reflects on her actions and their consequences. Adding scenes that highlight her relationships with other characters, such as friends or mentors, could also provide additional layers to her development. Furthermore, showcasing specific events that challenge her rebellious nature and force her to confront her vulnerabilities would create a more nuanced portrayal of her growth.
samuel
  • Samuel is introduced as a mysterious and confident character, captivating Romy with his charm and playful demeanor.
  • As the story progresses, Samuel's layers are peeled back, revealing his vulnerabilities and insecurities. He seeks mentorship from Romy, showcasing a mix of eagerness and nervousness, while also displaying assertiveness when challenged. His relationship with Romy deepens, marked by tension and attraction, but also by moments of manipulation and emotional conflict.
  • In a pivotal moment, Samuel confronts his feelings for Romy and the consequences of their power dynamics. This confrontation forces him to choose between his desire for control and the genuine connection he has developed with her.
  • By the end of the screenplay, Samuel undergoes significant growth. He learns to embrace vulnerability and authenticity, moving away from manipulation and towards a more honest and respectful relationship with Romy. His character arc concludes with a sense of self-awareness and a commitment to change.
Samuel's character arc is compelling, showcasing a rich blend of charm, vulnerability, and complexity. However, the oscillation between his charming persona and manipulative tendencies can sometimes feel inconsistent, potentially confusing the audience about his true motivations. Additionally, while his relationship with Romy is central to his development, there could be more exploration of his backstory to provide context for his behavior and emotional struggles. To improve Samuel's character arc, consider incorporating flashbacks or dialogue that reveal key moments from his past that shaped his personality and motivations. This would add depth to his character and help the audience understand his internal conflicts better. Additionally, ensure that his moments of vulnerability are balanced with his charm, allowing for a more cohesive portrayal. Finally, explore the consequences of his actions more thoroughly, emphasizing the impact of his choices on both himself and Romy, which could lead to a more satisfying resolution.
esme Esme's character arc begins with her as a young, eager assistant who is primarily focused on supporting Romy and ensuring the interns' smooth transition into the office. As she gains confidence and experiences the complexities of workplace dynamics, she becomes more assertive and begins to question the status quo. This shift is marked by her growing ambition and desire for recognition, leading her to confront Romy about leadership and morality in their workplace. Ultimately, Esme transforms into a strong advocate for women's empowerment, delivering a motivational speech that challenges others to embrace authenticity and vulnerability. Her journey reflects a balance between ambition and support, culminating in her role as a leader who inspires change. While Esme's character arc is compelling, it could benefit from a more gradual transition between her various personality traits. The shift from a shy and naive assistant to a confident advocate may feel abrupt without sufficient development. Additionally, her motivations could be explored in greater depth, particularly regarding her relationships with Romy and Samuel. The screenplay should provide clearer moments that illustrate her internal struggles and the catalysts for her transformation, ensuring that the audience can fully understand and empathize with her journey. To improve Esme's character arc, consider incorporating key scenes that highlight her internal conflicts and the challenges she faces in balancing her ambition with her supportive nature. For instance, moments of doubt or failure could serve as turning points that lead to her eventual empowerment. Additionally, exploring her relationships with Romy and Samuel in more depth could provide context for her motivations and decisions. Including a mentor figure or a pivotal event that inspires her to embrace her voice and challenge authority could also enhance her development. Finally, ensuring that her transformation feels organic and earned will create a more satisfying and relatable character journey.
Top Correlations and patterns found in the scenes:

Pattern Explanation
Tone and Emotional Impact CorrelationScenes with 'Intimate,' 'Sensual,' 'Vulnerable,' and 'Emotional' tones tend to have lower Emotional Impact scores (6-7) than scenes with other tones, even when other aspects like Dialogue and Concept score high. This suggests a potential disconnect between intended intimacy/vulnerability and the actual emotional delivery in these scenes. Consider exploring ways to heighten the emotional impact in these intimate moments, perhaps by focusing on subtler emotional cues, internal monologues, or strong visual storytelling.
High Stakes and ToneScenes with high 'High Stakes' scores (7+) often involve 'Tense', 'Intense', 'Anxious', 'Confrontational' or 'Emotional' tones. This is expected, but the consistently high 'Tense' tone might signal an over-reliance on tension to create high-stakes moments. Consider diversifying the methods of building suspense and escalating conflict, exploring subtler forms of tension or introducing unpredictable elements to avoid monotonous high-tension scenes.
Dialogue and Emotional Impact DiscrepancySeveral scenes with high Dialogue scores have surprisingly low Emotional Impact scores. For example, scenes 3, 7, 13, 15, etc. This indicates that while the dialogue itself might be well-written, it may not effectively translate into emotionally resonant scenes. The author might consider focusing on the subtext of dialogues, utilizing visual cues, or crafting stronger character reactions to enhance the emotional impact.
Character Changes and Plot ProgressionScenes with high character change scores (7+) don't always correlate with high scores in 'Move Story Forward'. This might suggest that while character arcs are being developed, their impact on the overall plot progression is less pronounced. Re-evaluate how character development contributes to the advancement of the plot. Perhaps some character arcs could be streamlined or integrated more directly into the plotline for a stronger narrative drive.
Climax and ResolutionThe final scenes (59-60) show a significant increase in scores across most categories, particularly Concept, Plot, and Dialogue. This indicates a strong and well-executed climax and resolution. However, the 'Emotional Impact' score in these scenes is not as high as expected, suggesting that the emotional resonance could be heightened to leave a more impactful final impression on the audience.
Light-Hearted Scenes and Emotional ImpactScenes tagged with 'Light-hearted' or 'Playful' tones (3, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 32) consistently score lower in 'Emotional Impact' than those with more serious tones. While this is expected to a degree, it's worth noting if these light scenes are intended purely for comic relief and not intended to serve the overarching emotional narrative arc. Perhaps infusing subtle emotional depth into these lighter scenes could strengthen the overall narrative.
Intimacy and ConflictScenes with 'Intimate' tones show varied results in Conflict scores. Some are very high, while others are low. Explore why some intimate scenes generate significant conflict while others do not. This may reveal opportunities to develop conflict within intimate relationships more consistently and dramatically.


Writer's Craft Overall Analysis

The screenplay demonstrates a strong foundation in creating emotionally resonant scenes with authentic character interactions. The writer showcases talent in conveying complex emotions, internal conflicts, and nuanced relationships. However, there's a recurring need for strengthening plot structure, character development beyond emotional depth, and refining dialogue techniques to enhance pacing and clarity. The writer frequently utilizes strong imagery and sensory details, which is a great strength. The reliance on dialogue to carry emotional weight, while effective at times, occasionally overshadows other storytelling elements that could provide a more layered and complete narrative.

Key Improvement Areas

Character Development
While the writer excels at portraying emotional depth, many analyses mention a need for deeper character arcs and more fully-realized motivations beyond immediate emotional states. Many scenes focus on immediate emotional reactions rather than the development of characters over the course of the story.
Plot Structure and Pacing
Several scene analyses suggest improvements in plot structure and pacing. The writer's strength in emotional scenes might be causing pacing issues or neglecting the overall plot architecture needed to connect those scenes effectively. The suggestions for reading "Save the Cat!" and similar books repeatedly appear.
Dialogue Refinement
Although dialogue is a strength, there's a recurring suggestion to refine dialogue skills. The writer's dialogue is often emotionally effective, but could benefit from increased subtlety, more efficient conveyance of information, and sharper pacing in some scenes. The repeated suggestions for dialogue exercises highlight this area.
Balancing Internal and External Conflicts
Several analyses mention a need to more effectively balance internal and external character goals and conflicts. While emotional depth is present, ensuring the external plot points and conflicts are equally compelling and propel the narrative forward is crucial.

Suggestions

Type Suggestion Rationale
Book "Save the Cat!" by Blake Snyder This book is repeatedly recommended and directly addresses the need for improved plot structure, pacing, and character arcs, all key areas identified for improvement.
Book "Save the Cat! Writes a Novel" by Jessica Brody This provides a broader approach to narrative structure and character development, complementing Snyder's focus on screenwriting specifically.
Book "The Anatomy of Story" by John Truby This book offers a deeper dive into character development, focusing on building characters with more complex motivations and compelling emotional arcs.
Screenplay Collection Screenplays by Aaron Sorkin, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Sofia Coppola, and Charlie Kaufman. Studying the work of these masters of dialogue, emotional depth, and character-driven storytelling will directly address the need for improvements in those areas.
Exercise Outline the entire screenplay before writing any scenes. Create a detailed beat sheet to map out the major plot points, character arcs, and turning points of your story.Practice In SceneProv This will establish a strong structural framework before delving into emotionally driven scenes, preventing pacing issues and ensuring a coherent overall narrative.
Exercise Develop detailed character profiles for your main characters, going beyond emotional descriptions. Include their backstories, motivations, goals (both internal and external), weaknesses, and relationships with other characters. Develop their 'want' and their 'need'.Practice In SceneProv This exercise will help build more three-dimensional characters with motivations that extend beyond their immediate emotional responses, leading to more compelling and believable character arcs.
Exercise Rewrite a scene focusing solely on subtext and visual storytelling, minimizing or eliminating dialogue. Convey the emotion and conflict through actions, expressions, setting, and visual details.Practice In SceneProv This exercise encourages a move away from over-reliance on dialogue to convey emotion and develops skills in visual storytelling, enriching the overall narrative.
Stories Similar to this one

Story Explanation
The Affair This TV series explores the emotional and psychological complexities of infidelity, focusing on the perspectives of both the married individuals and their lovers. The themes of desire, intimacy, and the impact of relationships on family dynamics resonate with Romy's experiences.
Mad Men Set in the 1960s advertising world, this series delves into the personal and professional lives of its characters, particularly the struggles of women in a male-dominated environment. The exploration of identity, ambition, and the tension between personal desires and societal expectations parallels Romy's journey.
Fifty Shades of Grey This book series and its film adaptations focus on a complex relationship involving power dynamics, intimacy, and emotional vulnerability. Romy's interactions with Samuel reflect similar themes of submission, desire, and the exploration of boundaries in relationships.
The Hours This novel and its film adaptation interweave the lives of three women across different time periods, exploring themes of mental health, societal pressures, and the search for personal fulfillment. Romy's struggles with her identity and emotional turmoil echo the characters' experiences in 'The Hours.'
Her This film examines the relationship between a man and an artificial intelligence, exploring themes of loneliness, connection, and the complexities of modern relationships. Romy's emotional detachment and her search for intimacy in a technologically driven world resonate with the film's exploration of love and connection.
Little Fires Everywhere This novel and its TV adaptation explore the lives of two families in a suburban community, addressing themes of motherhood, identity, and the impact of secrets. The tension between Romy's professional life and her family dynamics mirrors the conflicts faced by the characters in this story.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind This film delves into the complexities of love, memory, and the desire to escape painful experiences. Romy's emotional struggles and her attempts to navigate her relationships reflect similar themes of longing and the impact of past choices on present connections.
The End of the Affair This novel and its film adaptation explore the intricacies of love, faith, and betrayal during and after World War II. The emotional depth and moral dilemmas faced by the characters resonate with Romy's journey of self-discovery and the consequences of her choices.
Normal People This novel and its TV adaptation follow the complex relationship between two individuals over several years, exploring themes of intimacy, vulnerability, and the impact of social class. Romy's evolving relationships and emotional struggles parallel the experiences of the protagonists in 'Normal People.'

Here are different Tropes found in the screenplay

Trope Trope Details Trope Explanation
Love TriangleRomy is caught between her husband Jacob and her intern Samuel, leading to emotional tension and conflict.A love triangle involves three characters where one character is romantically involved with two others, creating tension and drama. An example is the classic film 'The Notebook,' where Noah is torn between his love for Allie and her engagement to another man.
The Perfect FamilyRomy's family appears idyllic on the surface, but underlying tensions and issues are revealed.This trope depicts a family that seems perfect but has hidden struggles. A notable example is 'American Beauty,' where the Burnham family appears ideal but is deeply dysfunctional.
The MentorRomy is seen as a mentor figure to her interns, particularly Samuel, who seeks her guidance.The mentor trope involves a character who guides and supports a less experienced character. An example is Mr. Miyagi in 'The Karate Kid,' who teaches Daniel both martial arts and life lessons.
The Strong Female CharacterRomy is portrayed as a powerful CEO navigating her career while dealing with personal challenges.This trope features a female character who is strong, independent, and capable, often in a male-dominated environment. An example is Katniss Everdeen from 'The Hunger Games,' who fights for her survival and the well-being of her loved ones.
The Emotional AffairRomy's connection with Samuel develops into an emotional affair, complicating her marriage.An emotional affair involves a deep emotional connection with someone outside of a committed relationship, often leading to betrayal. An example is the series 'The Affair,' which explores the complexities of infidelity.
The WorkaholicRomy is depicted as a dedicated CEO, often prioritizing work over her personal life.This trope features a character who is overly focused on their career, often at the expense of personal relationships. An example is Miranda Priestly in 'The Devil Wears Prada,' who is consumed by her job.
The Unconventional FamilyRomy's family dynamics include her daughters' relationships and her own struggles, showcasing a modern family.This trope highlights families that do not conform to traditional structures, often embracing diversity and complexity. An example is 'Modern Family,' which features various family types and dynamics.
The Crisis of IdentityRomy struggles with her identity as a mother, wife, and CEO, leading to moments of self-doubt.This trope involves a character questioning their identity and purpose, often leading to personal growth. An example is 'Eat Pray Love,' where the protagonist embarks on a journey of self-discovery.
The Forbidden RomanceRomy's relationship with Samuel is complicated by their professional roles and the implications of their connection.This trope features a romance that is frowned upon or prohibited due to circumstances, often leading to tension. An example is 'Romeo and Juliet,' where the lovers are from feuding families.
The Emotional ClimaxRomy experiences a significant emotional climax as she confronts her feelings for both Jacob and Samuel.This trope involves a pivotal moment where characters confront their emotions, leading to a resolution or transformation. An example is 'The Fault in Our Stars,' where the characters face their feelings about love and mortality.


Theme Theme Details Themee Explanation
The Complexity of Female Desire and IdentityRomy's exploration of her sexuality through both her marriage and her secret viewing of pornography, her pursuit of external validation through beauty treatments and professional success, and her complex relationships with both men and women.The screenplay delves into the multifaceted nature of female desire, challenging societal expectations and exploring the internal conflicts women face in navigating their sexuality and self-perception. Romy's actions reveal a woman struggling to reconcile her public persona with her private desires and vulnerabilities.
Strengthening The Complexity of Female Desire and Identity:
Suggestion Type How to Strengthen the Theme
Character Arc Expand Romy's internal monologue throughout the film, particularly during scenes where she's alone (e.g., in her study, bathroom, or during moments of reflection). These monologues should explore the conflicting desires and societal pressures she faces, revealing the internal battle between her ambition, her sexuality, her roles as wife and mother, and her own self-perception. This will provide deeper insight into her complex identity and motivations.
Dialogue - Scene Multiple Weave in subtle but significant conversations that directly address female desire and identity. For instance, a conversation with Isabel about body image and societal expectations, a discussion with Esme about workplace sexism and the challenges of balancing career and personal life, or even a nuanced conversation with Jacob about their evolving relationship and the complexities of intimacy.
Visual Metaphor - Scene Multiple Use recurring visual metaphors to represent Romy's internal struggles. The automated warehouse is a good start. Consider expanding this by contrasting images of highly controlled environments (her office, beauty routine) with moments of chaos and spontaneity (the dog incident, the rave). This visual contrast will highlight the internal conflict between societal expectations and Romy's genuine desires.
Story Arc Introduce a subplot involving another female character who represents a different facet of female identity and desire. This character could challenge Romy's perspectives, provide a contrasting viewpoint, or even serve as a confidante. This subplot would allow for a richer exploration of the theme through diverse female experiences.
Action - Scene Multiple Subtly alter Romy’s actions to better reflect her internal conflicts. For example, instead of simply applying makeup meticulously, show moments of hesitation or self-doubt in her routine. Or, in scenes with Jacob, include subtle gestures or body language that hint at her unspoken desires or frustrations. These small changes can dramatically increase the thematic impact without altering the overall plot.
The Illusion of Perfection and the Pursuit of ControlRomy's meticulous beauty routine, her high-powered career, and her pursuit of an outwardly perfect family life all mask underlying anxieties and insecurities. Her actions – the cosmetic procedures, her demanding career, even her controlling behavior with her family – are all attempts to control aspects of her life she fears.This theme explores the societal pressures women face to achieve unattainable standards of perfection and how this pursuit can lead to a sense of emptiness and anxiety. Romy's relentless striving for control reflects a deeper fear of losing control of her life and her identity.
The Dynamics of Power, Intimacy, and Consent in RelationshipsThe complex relationships between Romy and Jacob, Romy and Samuel, and Romy and her daughters highlight different power dynamics and blurred lines of consent. The screenplay explores the complexities of these relationships, including moments of both intimacy and manipulation.
The Tension Between Personal and Professional LifeThe screenplay constantly juxtaposes Romy's demanding career in the tech industry with her personal life, showing the challenges of balancing work and family. The struggle is manifest in her neglect of her family, her strained relationship with Jacob, and her conflicted feelings regarding her own ambition.This theme highlights the struggle many women face in navigating the demands of career success while maintaining fulfilling personal relationships. Romy's experiences serve as a cautionary tale about the potential consequences of neglecting one's personal life in pursuit of professional achievement.
The Exploration of Trauma and HealingRomy's participation in EMDR therapy and flashbacks to her childhood suggest unresolved trauma. The dog attack, the cult-like upbringing, and the hints of past violence suggest a history that continues to shape her actions.While not explicitly central, the screenplay hints at the lasting effects of past trauma on Romy's behavior and relationships, suggesting the importance of addressing and processing such experiences in order to achieve healing and personal growth.



Screenwriting Resources on Themes

Articles

Site Description
Studio Binder Movie Themes: Examples of Common Themes for Screenwriters
Coverfly Improving your Screenplay's theme
John August Writing from Theme

YouTube Videos

Title Description
Story, Plot, Genre, Theme - Screenwriting Basics Screenwriting basics - beginner video
What is theme Discussion on ways to layer theme into a screenplay.
Thematic Mistakes You're Making in Your Script Common Theme mistakes and Philosophical Conflicts
Voice Analysis
Summary: The writer's voice is characterized by a potent blend of intimacy and observation. It's a voice that simultaneously delves into the raw, emotional interiority of its characters while maintaining a keen awareness of the external world – be it the sterile environment of a technologically advanced warehouse or the messy complexities of family life. This is achieved through a sophisticated interplay of intimate, often naturalistic dialogue; vivid, sensory-rich narrative descriptions; and precise, evocative scene directions that guide the reader's experience.
Voice Contribution The writer's voice contributes to the script by creating a compelling sense of realism and emotional depth. The intimate portrayal of characters' inner lives, coupled with the detailed depiction of their surroundings, generates a rich and immersive world. This multifaceted approach enhances the themes of self-discovery, ambition, the complexities of relationships (romantic, familial, professional), and the tension between personal desires and societal expectations. The blend of intimacy and observation also creates a unique mood that shifts subtly but effectively throughout the screenplay, moving from passionate intimacy to tense workplace politics to quiet moments of introspection.
Best Representation Scene 1 - Dual Desires
Best Scene Explanation This scene is the best representation because it most effectively showcases the writer's signature blend of intimacy and observation. The dialogue is raw and realistic, capturing the unspoken tensions and desires between Romy and Jacob. The narrative description is vividly sensory, painting a picture of the atmosphere and Romy's emotional state. The scene’s simplicity and directness, focused on the character's internal conflict, allows the writer's unique voice to shine through most clearly. It sets the stage for the broader themes of the screenplay: the exploration of desire, the complexity of relationships, and the contrast between public and private selves.
Originality
  • Overall originality score: 8.5
  • Overall originality explanation: The screenplay demonstrates a high level of originality through its exploration of complex themes such as intimacy, vulnerability, and the impact of technology on personal relationships. The characters are well-developed, and their interactions often challenge traditional narratives, particularly in the context of modern relationships and workplace dynamics. The juxtaposition of personal struggles with broader societal issues adds depth and freshness to the narrative.
  • Most unique situations: The most unique situations in the screenplay are the intimate moments between Romy and Jacob that explore sexual dissatisfaction and emotional vulnerability, as well as the complex power dynamics between Romy and Samuel that oscillate between tenderness and danger. Additionally, the use of unconventional settings, such as a rave and a cheap hotel room, to explore themes of connection and liberation further enhances the screenplay's originality.
  • Overall unpredictability score: 7.5
  • Overall unpredictability explanation: The screenplay maintains a moderate level of unpredictability, with several unexpected twists in character relationships and emotional revelations. The dynamics between Romy, Jacob, and Samuel often shift in surprising ways, keeping the audience engaged. However, certain plot points, such as Romy's internal struggles and her eventual confrontations, follow recognizable patterns in relationship dramas, which slightly reduce the overall unpredictability.
Goals and Philosophical Conflict
internal GoalsRomy's internal goals evolve from seeking personal fulfillment and intimacy to exploring her identity and agency in both her professional and personal life. Throughout the script, she grapples with vulnerability and emotional connection while striving for stability in her relationships and sense of self.
External Goals Romy's external goals transition from professional achievements and success as a CEO to managing complex relationships with her family and colleagues, culminating in her desire to maintain authenticity and lead by example.
Philosophical Conflict The overarching philosophical conflict centers around the tension between personal fulfillment and societal expectations, particularly in gender roles and professional identities, as Romy struggles to balance her ambitions with the demands of her family life.


Character Development Contribution: Romy's evolving goals and the conflicts she faces contribute significantly to her development, illustrating her journey from confusion and insecurity to self-acceptance and empowerment as she learns to prioritize her needs without sacrificing her responsibilities.

Narrative Structure Contribution: The internal and external conflicts shape the narrative's progression, driving Romy's interactions and decisions while creating tension. The structure alternates between her professional challenges and personal breakdowns, accentuating the dualities in her life.

Thematic Depth Contribution: The interplay of goals and conflicts deepens the screenplay's themes by exploring the multifaceted nature of womanhood, the complexities of leadership, and the negotiation of personal and professional roles in a modern context.


Screenwriting Resources on Goals and Philosophical Conflict

Articles

Site Description
Creative Screenwriting How Important Is A Character’s Goal?
Studio Binder What is Conflict in a Story? A Quick Reminder of the Purpose of Conflict

YouTube Videos

Title Description
How I Build a Story's Philosophical Conflict How do you build philosophical conflict into your story? Where do you start? And how do you develop it into your characters and their external actions. Today I’m going to break this all down and make it fully clear in this episode.
Endings: The Good, the Bad, and the Insanely Great By Michael Arndt: I put this lecture together in 2006, when I started work at Pixar on Toy Story 3. It looks at how to write an "insanely great" ending, using Star Wars, The Graduate, and Little Miss Sunshine as examples. 90 minutes
Tips for Writing Effective Character Goals By Jessica Brody (Save the Cat!): Writing character goals is one of the most important jobs of any novelist. But are your character's goals...mushy?
World Building
  • Physical environment: The screenplay depicts a world of contrasts: luxurious high-end apartments and spas juxtaposed with gritty, cheap hotel rooms; bustling, modern office buildings with advanced technology and automated warehouses alongside quiet, secluded upstate houses; busy New York City streets and a serene, picturesque upstate landscape. Specific locations include a modern apartment, a high-tech office building, a family home upstate, a theatre, bars, a therapy clinic, and even a warehouse rave.
  • Culture: The cultural landscape is modern and progressive, emphasizing themes of female empowerment, gender fluidity, and the exploration of sexuality and intimacy. However, traditional societal expectations regarding family, relationships, and gender roles are also present, creating internal conflict for the characters. The importance of career advancement, especially for women in leadership roles, is highlighted. There's also an exploration of the ethical considerations surrounding technological advancements in automation and artificial intelligence.
  • Society: The societal structure is largely hierarchical, particularly in the corporate world, where power dynamics and competition for advancement are prevalent. This hierarchy extends to the family unit, showcasing complex relationships and generational gaps in understanding. There are also hints of a societal pressure to conform to certain expectations related to appearance, professional success, and family life, which many characters struggle against.
  • Technology: Technology is integrated into daily life, impacting various aspects of the characters' experiences. This includes advanced technology in the workplace (automation, AI, video conferencing), modern communication devices (smartphones, laptops), cosmetic procedures (Botox, cryotherapy), and therapeutic tools (EMDR). The contrast between advanced technology and the more traditional elements of life adds to the complexity of the world.
  • Characters influence: The world's physical environments significantly impact the characters' moods and actions. The luxurious settings reflect their success but also highlight a sense of isolation and emptiness. The tension between the sterile, technological environments of the office and the intimacy of their homes or the upstate house intensifies the emotional conflicts of the characters. The cultural values of female empowerment and sexual exploration shape Romy's choices and actions, but she also grapples with societal expectations of a successful CEO and wife/mother. The hierarchical societal structures influence power dynamics within relationships, shaping the characters' interactions and decision-making processes.
  • Narrative contribution: The contrasting physical environments and cultural elements drive the narrative forward. The shifts between locations heighten the emotional impact of the story, reflecting Romy's internal struggles and the complexity of her relationships. The juxtaposition of the idyllic upstate house with the chaotic city life underscores the conflict between Romy's personal and professional lives. The technological advancements serve as both a backdrop and a driving force in the narrative, shaping the professional challenges Romy faces and contributing to the overall theme of modern life.
  • Thematic depth contribution: The screenplay's world-building adds significant thematic depth. The contrast between high-tech advancements and the intimate, human elements explores the tension between progress and personal fulfillment. The exploration of sexuality and intimacy, combined with the challenges of female leadership and societal expectations, adds layers of complexity to the themes of identity, ambition, and the search for authenticity. The complex power dynamics within relationships and workplaces amplify the exploration of control, vulnerability, and the complexities of human connection.
Story Engine Analysis

central conflict

Romy struggles with her dual life as a devoted mother and wife while navigating her desires and ambitions in a male-dominated corporate world, leading to emotional turmoil and infidelity.

primary motivations

  • Romy seeks personal fulfillment and sexual satisfaction.
  • Jacob desires a deeper emotional connection with Romy.
  • Samuel is motivated by his feelings for Romy and his ambition within the company.
  • Esme aims to challenge the status quo and advocate for women in the workplace.

catalysts

  • Romy's encounter with Samuel ignites her feelings of desire and rebellion.
  • The pressures of her corporate role and the expectations of motherhood push Romy to seek escape.
  • Esme's confrontational attitude forces Romy to confront her own shortcomings as a leader.

barriers

  • Romy's commitment to her family and the fear of losing them.
  • Societal expectations of women in both personal and professional spheres.
  • Jacob's emotional distance and inability to understand Romy's struggles.

themes

  • The complexity of female identity and the struggle for autonomy.
  • The impact of societal expectations on personal relationships.
  • The intersection of ambition, desire, and morality.

stakes

The stakes involve Romy's family stability, her professional reputation, and her emotional well-being, as her choices could lead to devastating consequences for herself and those she loves.

uniqueness factor

The story uniquely blends elements of corporate drama with intimate personal struggles, exploring the duality of a woman's life in a contemporary setting.

audience hook

The tension between Romy's desires and her responsibilities, along with the exploration of infidelity and self-discovery, keeps viewers engaged.

paradoxical engine or bisociation

The juxtaposition of Romy's professional success against her personal failures creates a paradox that drives her character development and the narrative forward.

paradoxical engine or bisociation 2

The contrast between Romy's public persona as a powerful CEO and her private struggles with intimacy and vulnerability highlights the complexities of modern womanhood.


Engine: Gemini

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

Babygirl is a daring and ambitious screenplay exploring themes of power, sexuality, and repressed trauma through a compelling female protagonist. While the script boasts a unique premise and strong central performance, it suffers from pacing issues, underdeveloped supporting characters, and a somewhat uneven tonal balance. Significant revisions focusing on narrative structure and character arc consistency are needed to reach its full potential.

Strengths
  • The final scene powerfully resolves Romy's internal conflict. The juxtaposition of Romy's climax with Samuel's gentle interaction with his dog provides a poignant and ambiguous conclusion that leaves a lasting impact on the viewer. high ( Scene 60   )
  • The screenplay uses effective visual motifs and symbolism (such as the automated warehouse reflecting Romy's mind or the contrasting settings of Romy's luxurious office and the cheap hotel room) to enhance the thematic depth and create a visually engaging narrative. high ( Scene 20   Scene 28   Scene 30   )
  • The intimate scenes are handled with a degree of sensitivity and nuance, exploring the complex dynamics of Romy's relationships and her struggle with intimacy. medium ( Scene 1   Scene 9   Scene 37   Scene 51   )
  • The character arc of Romy is compelling and multi-layered. The film effectively portrays her journey from a seemingly successful CEO hiding deep-seated trauma to a woman confronting her past and attempting to reconcile her inner conflicts. high ( Scene 50   Scene 51   Scene 59   )
  • The inclusion of the Hedda Gabler play provides a clever framing device and thematic resonance, underscoring Romy's own struggle with power, control, and self-destruction. medium ( Scene 24   )
Areas of Improvement
  • The pacing in the montage section (Sequence 29) is uneven and could be tightened. The rapid-fire succession of scenes risks diminishing the impact of individual moments. high ( Scene 29   )
  • Supporting characters like Esme and Samuel are not fully developed. Their motivations and arcs could be strengthened to create richer relationships with Romy. high ( Scene 7   Scene 23   )
  • Certain scenes, such as the warehouse rave (Sequence 46), feel somewhat gratuitous and could benefit from a clearer connection to the overall narrative. medium ( Scene 46   )
  • The tonal shifts between intense drama and explicit sexual scenes are abrupt and need to be carefully managed to maintain narrative cohesion. A more consistent tone is needed for emotional resonance. high ( Scene 1   Scene 9   Scene 37   Scene 53   )
  • Some of the sexual encounters, particularly those depicted in the montage, are explicit without enough emotional context and may appear exploitative or gratuitous, requiring more subtle approach. medium ( Scene 30   )
MissingElements
  • More detailed flashbacks to Romy's childhood could deepen our understanding of her trauma and its impact on her adult life. The screenplay hints at a troubled past, but fuller exploration is necessary. high
  • The motivations of several supporting characters are underdeveloped. Expanding their backstories and providing clearer goals would create a more engaging ensemble dynamic. medium
  • A more satisfying resolution of the conflict between Romy and Jacob is needed. While their reconciliation is implied, a more concrete and emotional scene would provide a stronger sense of closure. medium
NotablePoints
  • The scene with the dog is a strong opening hook, establishing Romy's quick-thinking nature and setting the tone for her complex personality. medium ( Scene 4   )
  • The screenplay's exploration of female sexuality, power, and vulnerability is refreshing and thought-provoking, offering a unique perspective within the genre. high
  • The use of music and sound design throughout the film appears to be intentional and complements the overall tone and emotional arc, and should be retained and further developed. medium
Blind Spots
  • Understanding of Male Psychology The screenplay's portrayal of male characters, particularly Jacob and Samuel, feels somewhat underdeveloped and stereotypical at times. Jacob is presented as largely reactive to Romy's actions, and Samuel's motivations remain unclear for much of the film. A more nuanced understanding of male psychology would lead to more realistic and compelling character portrayals. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Scene Transitions Several scene transitions are abrupt and lack clear visual cues, which may create confusion for the reader. The screenplay could benefit from a more deliberate and smooth flow between scenes, using transitions like dissolves or wipes to enhance the visual storytelling. medium
  • Dialogue Certain sections of dialogue feel unnatural or overly expositional. The script could be enhanced by rewriting these lines to create more natural-sounding conversations. Characters' speech needs to sound more organic. medium

Engine: Claude

Screenplay Rating:

Recommend

Executive Summary

The screenplay for 'Baby Girl' explores the complex and often taboo subject matter of a middle-aged woman's unconventional sexual desires and the impact on her personal and professional life. Through a non-linear narrative structure, the story delves into Romy's psychological struggles, her fraught relationship with her family, and her dangerous yet intoxicating affair with a much younger intern. While the subject matter is provocative, the screenplay is elevated by its nuanced character development, thematic depth, and visual style. The story offers a layered exploration of power dynamics, gender roles, and the societal pressures faced by successful women. Overall, 'Baby Girl' presents a compelling and thought-provoking examination of the darker corners of the human psyche.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
MissingElements
  • The screenplay does an excellent job of fully exploring its central themes and character arcs, leaving little room for significant missing elements. However, one area that could be expanded upon is the exploration of Romy's past and the specific traumas or experiences that contributed to the development of her unconventional desires. While the screenplay touches on her childhood and upbringing, delving deeper into these formative experiences could further enrich the character's psychological depth and provide additional context for her current struggles. medium ( Scene N/A (N/A)   )
NotablePoints
Blind Spots
  • Lack of diverse character perspectives While the screenplay does an excellent job of exploring the complexities of Romy's character, it could potentially benefit from the inclusion of more diverse perspectives, particularly from the supporting characters. The narrative is primarily focused on Romy's point of view, which, while compelling, could be enriched by the addition of more nuanced portrayals of the other characters, such as Esme, Jacob, and Samuel, to provide a more well-rounded exploration of the story's themes. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Uneven pacing and transitions As noted in the areas of improvement, there are a few instances where the pacing and transitions between scenes could be refined to maintain a stronger narrative momentum. While the overall quality of the screenplay is high, these minor inconsistencies in the pacing and flow of the story could be interpreted as amateur-ish by more discerning readers or viewers. low

Engine: GPT4

Screenplay Rating:

Consider

Executive Summary

The screenplay 'Baby Girl' presents a complex exploration of female desire, power dynamics, and the struggle for identity within the confines of societal expectations. The character of Romy is compelling, navigating her dual roles as a mother and a CEO while grappling with her sexual identity and desires. The narrative is rich with emotional depth, but it occasionally suffers from pacing issues and lacks clarity in certain character motivations. Overall, it offers a unique perspective on contemporary femininity and the challenges faced by women in leadership roles.

Strengths
Areas of Improvement
MissingElements
NotablePoints
Blind Spots
  • Character Development The screenplay occasionally lacks depth in secondary characters, particularly in their motivations and arcs, which could enhance the overall narrative. For example, Esme's character could be more fleshed out to provide a clearer contrast to Romy's journey. medium
Amateur Giveaways
  • Pacing Issues Certain scenes feel rushed or underdeveloped, particularly in the transition between Romy's emotional states. For instance, the shift from her professional life to her personal struggles could be smoother to maintain narrative flow. high
Memorable lines in the script:

Scene Number Line
39Romy: I’m not normal. I’m not other women! Look at me. I’m not normal.
5Romy: As more and more artificial intelligence is entering into the world, more and more emotional intelligence must enter into leadership.
50Esme: You will never see Samuel again. You will be a good leader and you will create more opportunities for women within the company, and be a good example and role model to us all.
6Samuel: Do you really believe that automation can provide a path to sustainability or is that just something people say to make you like robots?
51Romy: I just want to be normal. I want to be normal- I want to be what you like. I want to be the woman you like-