Shaun of the Dead
Screenplay Story Analysis
How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library
Story Content | Character Development | Scene Elements | Audience Engagement | Technical Aspects | |||||||||||||||||
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Scene Number | Full Analysis | Tone | Overall Grade | Concept | Plot | Originality Score | Characters | Character Changes | Internal Goal | External Goal | Conflict | Opposition | High stakes | Story forward | Twist | Emotional Impact | Dialogue | Engagement | Pacing | Formatting | Structure |
1 | Last Orders | "Bittersweet" | 8 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 3 | 9 | 9 | 6 | 0 | 4 | 5 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 8 |
2 | Morning at Shaun's House | "casual, humorous" | 6 | 5 | 3 | 5 | 7 | 2 | 8 | 7 | 4 | 0 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 3 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
3 | Morning Routine | "Amusing with a tinge of frustration" | 8 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 3 | 7 | 8 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 4 | 0 | 5 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 |
4 | Shaun's Workday Morning | "mundane with a hint of humor" | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 3 | 8 | 6 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 6 | 0 | 4 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 10 | 8 |
5 | Flowers for Mum | "Witty, dark" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 3 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 0 | 2 | 6 | 0 | 4 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 8 |
6 | Shaun's Commute and Encounter with Yvonne | "mundane and slightly stressful" | 7 | 8 | 6 | 6 | 7 | 4 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 0 | 7 | 5 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 |
7 | The Dinner Dilemma | "Light-hearted" | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 7 | 4 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 0 | 3 | 7 | 0 | 5 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 |
8 | Failed Promises | "Tense" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 0 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 |
9 | Shaun's Apology and Liz's Frustration | "Tense" | 7 | 6 | 7 | 5 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 5 | 7 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
10 | A Night at the Winchester | "Bittersweet" | 7 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 4 | 9 | 8 | 5 | 0 | 3 | 5 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
11 | Relationship Woes | "Dark humor" | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 5 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 |
12 | Unearthing the Truth at the Newsagent | "Tense, but with a hint of humor" | 8 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 5 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 9 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 |
13 | Encounter with the Undead Checkout Girl | "Tense, Suspenseful" | 8 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 |
14 | Zombie Attack! | "Tense, humorous" | 9 | 8 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
15 | Zombie Attack | "dark humor" | 8 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 5 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 9 |
16 | The Call From Mum | "Suspenseful" | 7 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 5 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 |
17 | Planning the Escape | "Tense, comedic" | 8 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 10 | 10 | 7 | 0 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 9 |
18 | Escape from the House | "Tense" | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 4 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
19 | Rescue at Barbara and Philip's | "Tense, humorous" | 9 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 8 |
20 | Confrontation | "tense" | 7 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 |
21 | Escape from the House | "Tense, but with some humorous moments" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
22 | Escape from the Forecourt | "Tense" | 8 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 5 | 9 | 10 | 10 | 9 |
23 | Escaping to The Winchester | "Tense" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 8 |
24 | Escape in the Jag | "Tense, but with occasional moments of humor" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 8 | 8 | 10 | 7 | 9 | 8 |
25 | In Search of the Winchester | "Tense, but with comedic relief" | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 4 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 0 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 9 |
26 | The Gang Takes a Short Cut | "Tense, but comedic" | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 5 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
27 | Fighting Zombies in the Garden | "Tense, but with comedic moments" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 |
28 | Zombie Acting Lessons | "Darkly humorous" | 8 | 8 | 7 | 6 | 9 | 4 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 0 | 5 | 6 | 0 | 5 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 |
29 | Desperate Measures | "Tense, comedic" | 8 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 7 |
30 | Waiting for Shaun | "Tense, with moments of humor" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 6 | 9 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 8 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
31 | Lights Out | "Tense" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 4 | 9 | 8 | 7 | 0 | 8 | 6 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
32 | Invasion at the Winchester Pub | "Tense" | 8 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 |
33 | Zombie Attack at the Winchester Pub | "Tense, comedic" | 9 | 8 | 9 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 7 |
34 | The Winchester Standoff | "tense" | 8 | 7 | 9 | 7 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 8 |
35 | The Barbara Situation | "Tense" | 8 | 9 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 6 | 8 | 8 | 10 | 0 | 9 | 7 | 0 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 |
36 | Betrayal at the Winchester | "Tense" | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 9 |
37 | Surviving the Winchester | "Tense" | 8 | 8 | 8 | 7 | 7 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 10 | 9 | 0 | 6 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 8 | 9 |
38 | Escape from the Cellar | "Desperate" | 8 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 6 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 0 | 9 | 9 | 0 | 7 | 7 | 9 | 10 | 10 | 10 |
39 | Surviving the End | "Somber with a touch of hope" | 9 | 9 | 9 | 5 | 8 | 5 | 9 | 8 | 10 | 0 | 10 | 10 | 0 | 8 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 7 | 8 |
40 | The Game Continues | "Lighthearted" | 8 | 7 | 6 | 6 | 9 | 3 | 9 | 8 | 3 | 0 | 1 | 4 | 0 | 5 | 7 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 8 |
Scene 1 - Last Orders
Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright
SPOOKY NOISES...CURIOUSLY ELECTRONIC...A BELL RINGS...
INT. PUB -NIGHT
LANDLORD (O.S.)
Last orders please.
Close up on the face of a MAN. He draws on his cigarette.
WOMAN’S VOICE (O.S.)
Shaun?
SHAUN stares blankly into space.
SHAUN
Yeah...
WOMAN’S VOICE (CONT’D)
Do you see what I’m saying?
SHAUN
Yeah, totally.
We reveal that SHAUN is sitting with a woman, LIZ. They are
both in their late twenties. LIZ looks slightly concerned,
SHAUN looks slightly confused. They are having a drink.
LIZ
You shouldn’t feel so responsible.
SHAUN
Yeah...
LIZ
I know he’s your best friend but
you do live with him.
SHAUN
I know...
LIZ
It’s not that I don’t like Ed.
(speaks off to her right)
Ed, it’s not that I don’t like you.
ED
S’alright.
We reveal ED right next to them, playing a horror themed
FRUIT MACHINE which bleeps spooky electronic noises. He is in
his late twenties and slightly overweight.
2.
LIZ
It’d just be nice if we could-
ED
(hits the fruit machine)
Fuck!
LIZ
-spend a bit more time together-
ED
Bollocks!
LIZ
-just the two of us-
ED
Cock it!
A beat.
LIZ
We have a laugh don’t we?
SHAUN
Yeah...
SHAUN and LIZ smile, sharing some private joke. SHAUN
relaxes, momentarily off the hook. But...
LIZ
But with Ed always here, it’s no
wonder I end up bringing my
flatmates out. Then that only
exacerbates things.
SHAUN
What do you mean?
LIZ
Well, you guys hardly get on do
you?
SHAUN
No, what does exacerbate mean?
LIZ
It means ‘to make things worse’.
SHAUN
Oh right. Look, it’s not that I
don’t like David and Di.
(speaks off to his right)
(MORE)
3.
SHAUN (CONT'D)
Guys, it’s not that I don’t like
you...
DAVID DIANNE
That’s alright. That’s alright.
We reveal DAVID and DIANNE, sitting next to LIZ. Both in
their late twenties, DAVID is trendy but straight-laced, DI
is colourful and chirpy. They hold hands.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
And it’s not that I don’t want to
spend time with you because I do.
It’s just, Ed doesn’t really have
too many friends-
ED
Can I get any of you cunts a drink?
SHAUN closes his eyes.
ED (CONT’D)
Anybody?
DAVID DIANNE
No thanks. No thanks.
LIZ
I’m fine thanks, Ed.
ED
Pint Shaun?
SHAUN nods. ED holds out his palm to SHAUN, who sighs and
reluctantly hands him a fiver. Meanwhile, DAVID steps in.
DAVID
I know friends are important Shaun,
but you’ve got to set aside quality
time for just the two of you. I
know I would, if I was Lizzy’s
boyfriend.
DAVID looks at LIZ with affection, as DIANNE chips in.
DIANNE
Or get out more. Daffs is always
taking me out to see his listed
buildings, I’m always dragging him
to the theatre.
SHAUN
I’m not so hot on theatre.
4.
DIANNE
I took my students to see this
great new play about incest. Very
cool. Lots of swearing.
LIZ
He’s not so hot on theatre.
DIANNE
Well, how about a nice meal? You
could go to that restaurant me and
Daffs go to. The place that does
all the fish. It’s your anniversary
soon isn’t it?
DAVID
It was last week.
DIANNE
Oh, so did you do anything special?
LIZ
We came here.
SHAUN
Yeah, but that was just me and you.
LIZ
And Ed.
SHAUN
He wasn’t with us.
LIZ
He was sitting at the bar. It’s not
the same.
ED (O.S.)
Shauny, hog lumps!
A packet of Pork Scratchings hits SHAUN square in the face.
LIZ
Shaun, what I’m trying to say is, I
need something a little more.
SHAUN offers her a Pork Scratching. She declines.
LIZ (CONT’D)
More than spending every night in
the Winchester. I mean, I’m 29.
(MORE)
5.
LIZ (CONT’D)
I’ve got things I want to do with
my life, I want to get out there,
do more interesting stuff, live a
little, but I’d love to be able to
do it with you, but I want you to
want to want to do it too.
LIZ laughs grimly at her own silly sentence. She then takes a
pork scratching and regards SHAUN with a mixture of
exasperation and affection.
LIZ (CONT’D)
I don’t want to go on at you,
Jesus, listen to me. I’m beginning
to sound like your Mum. Not that
I’d know what she sounds like.
DAVID
You still haven’t met his Mum?
SHAUN
Not Yet.
DAVID
I can’t believe you haven’t met his
mum.
LIZ
It’s not that simple.
DIANNE
Don’t you get along with your Mum,
Shaun?
SHAUN
It’s not that I don’t get along
with her-
DAVID
Are you ashamed of your Mum, Shaun?
SHAUN
No I’m not, I love my Mum.
ED
(returning with drinks)
I love his Mum.
SHAUN
Ed-
ED
She’s butter.
6.
SHAUN
Ed!
DAVID
Shaun-
DIANNE
Shaun-
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Guys-
LIZ
Shaun-
SHAUN
Liz.
(holds up his hands)
I totally understand what you’re
saying and I agree, really I do. We
should get out there. Do more
interesting stuff. Together. We’ll
start tomorrow, I’ll book a
restaurant. The place that does all
the fish. We’ll do it properly.
Just the two of us. Things’ll
change. Promise.
LIZ
Really Shaun?
The LANDLORD calls time. SHAUN stares back into space.
LIZ (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Shaun?
The BELL rings again. The SPOOKY NOISES continue as...
TITLES BEGIN
A MONTAGE OF GREATER LONDON, Saturday 8 A.M. (All actions in
the sequence are choreographed to the TITLE MUSIC)
...A traffic jam. Drivers stare blankly ahead. A MIDDLE AGED
MAN sits in a Jag wearing DRIVING GLOVES...
...A bus stop. BORED COMMUTERS ignore each other...
...A vast supermarket car park. Customers park up as a bow
tied OLD MAN slowly collects discarded trolleys...
...A 24 hour supermarket serves earlybird customers. A vacant
CHECKOUT GIRL bleeps products through her till...
7.
...A nightclub in an industrial estate expels its last
patrons. DAZED YOUNG CLUBBERS wander into the daylight...
...A nondescript suburb. A BORED KID kicks a FOOTBALL against
a wall. We CLOSE IN on a semi-detached house...
Ratings
Scene 2 - Morning at Shaun's House
Bare feet shuffle into shot. Slowly we PAN UP to see-
SHAUN. Dead to the world. His face tired. He yawns.
We are in the lounge. The decor is male, the room untidy. ED
is sitting on the sofa, playing a video game.
He may have been there all night. SHAUN sits next to him,
picks up a game controller and presses a button. A VOICE
booms.
GAME VOICE
Player two has entered the game.
ED
Haven’t you got work?
SHAUN puts the controller back down.
GAME VOICE
Player two has left the game.
INT. BATHROOM -DAY
A TOILET is flushed...a SHOWER run...TEETH brushed...
SHAUN now wears a white short-sleeved shirt. He straightens
his tie in the mirrored door of the bathroom cabinet, which
is ajar. He shuts it.
PETE stands in the reflection. His face like thunder.
PETE
You do know the front door was open
again last night?
INT. KITCHEN -DAY
A DRAWER is yanked open...A KNIFE grabbed...TOAST buttered. A
BOTTLE OF MILK hits the table. PETE screws the lid on.
PETE
I’m not saying it was you.
8.
SHAUN
I know man but-
PETE
I’m saying it was Ed.
SHAUN
Right.
PETE returns the milk to its rightful place in the fridge. He
also wears a shirt and tie, but is somewhat smarter.
PETE
I can’t live like this. Look at the
state of it. We’re not students
anymore.
SHAUN
Pete-
PETE
It’s not like he even brings any
real money into the house.
SHAUN
He brings a bit.
PETE
What, dealing drugs?
SHAUN
Come on. He sells a bit of weed
every now and again. You’ve sold
puff.
PETE
Once! At college! To you! Anyway, I
did a lot of stupid things at
college Shaun. I dressed up as
Frank N. Furter, I drank snakebite
and black, I slept with a fat girl.
Doesn’t mean I want to do any of
them for a living.
SHAUN
Look I’ve known him since primary
school. I like having him around.
He’s a laugh.
PETE
What because he can impersonate an
orangutan? Fuck-a-doodle-doo.
9.
SHAUN
What?
PETE
He’s dead weight Shaun.
SHAUN
Oh leave him alone.
PETE
Okay, I admit, he can be pretty
funny on occasion. I had a great
time that night we sat up drinking
Apple Schnapps and playing Tekken
2.
SHAUN
Yeah, when was that?
PETE
Five years ago. When is he going
home?
ED
Whassup niggaz?
ED enters and takes the milk from the fridge, he swigs from
the bottle and wanders out, scratching his nuts.
SHAUN
I’ll have a word.
Ratings
Scene 3 - Morning Routine
SHAUN sits down by ED, who is again playing the video game.
PETE watches at the door.
SHAUN
Hey man, listen...top left...
ED
Thanks.
SHAUN
...I was just going to
say...reload!
ED
I’m on it.
SHAUN
...since you’re...ooh nice shot.
10.
ED
Thanks.
SHAUN
Since you’re in most of the day-
ED’s mobile rings (ring tone: ‘HALLOWEEN’).
ED
Two seconds.
(answers)
Alright Noodle...No I only got an
‘enry. Shortage on...Alright.
Laters.
ED resumes his game. PETE’s seen enough and wades in.
PETE
Ed, since you’re not working at the
moment, could you please clean up a
bit?
ED
I am working.
PETE
Since you are in the flat all the
time do you think you could clean
up a bit?
ED
Yep.
PETE
And if you play the answer machine,
could you take down everyone’s
messages, not just your own?
ED
Yep.
PETE
It’s not that taxing is it? Writing
something on a ‘post-it’ note?
ED
Nope.
PETE’s mobile rings as he leaves (ring tone: ‘LIVE FOREVER’
by Oasis). He puts on his jacket. On the back is a ‘post-it’
reading - ‘I AM A PRICK’
SHAUN sees this and shakes his head wearily at ED.
11.
ED (CONT’D)
Come on. It was pretty funny.
SHAUN
Seriously, will you do what he
said?
ED
I ain’t doing nothing for him.
SHAUN
Well, do it for me then.
ED
(pauses game)
I’m sorry Shaun.
SHAUN
It’s okay.
ED
No, I’m sorry Shaun.
SHAUN puzzles, before his expression turns to disgust.
SHAUN
Oh man that’s bad. You’re rotten.
ED laughs. SHAUN does too, as he covers his nose and mouth.
ED
I’ll stop doing them when you stop
laughing.
SHAUN
I’m not laughing. I’m going.
SHAUN leaves. The phone rings. The answer machine picks up.
PETE (V.O.)
Hi, you’re through to Peter and
Shaun. Please leave a message after
the –
Beep. PUSH IN as the RED LIGHT flashes.
LIZ (V.O.)
Hello Shaun, it’s me. Look I’m
going to be tied up a bit today,
I’ve got twenty year ten essays to
mark and I want to get them out of
the way, so when you book the
table, can you make it eight rather
than seven?
(MORE)
12.
LIZ (V.O.) (CONT'D)
You’re probably not there anyway.
I’ll try you at work. so...okay.
Bye, bye. Bye. Bye.
CLOSER. The RED LIGHT flashes. The screen is filled.
EXT. STREET –CONTINUOUS
BANG. A FOOTBALL hits SHAUN in the head. He turns to see the
BORED KID grinning at him. He responds playfully.
SHAUN
Oh you’re dead!
SHAUN boots the ball back. He walks past PETE in his car and
crosses the road. He heads for the newsagent passing a
HOMELESS MAN in a green coat with a dog on a lead. He stands
with an ARM OUTSTRETCHED. SHAUN gives him some change.
INT. NEWSAGENT -DAY
SHAUN grabs a coke from the fridge and goes to the counter.
SHAUN
Nelson?
There’s no-one there. SHAUN waits, idly scanning across the
day’s papers, their headlines partially concealed.
‘G.M. CROPS BLAMED FOR...’ ‘...UNIDENTIFIED MUTILATED...’
‘...SUPER-FLU...’ ‘...DOWNED SATELLITE CAUSES...’
SHAUN peers closer. As if by magic, the SHOPKEEPER appears.
NELSON
Hello my friend. No beer today?
SHAUN
Bit early for me.
A PALE SUITED MAN enters hurriedly, as we follow SHAUN out.
PALE SUITED MAN (O.S.)
Do you have any Aspirin?
NELSON (O.S.)
Sold out.
13.
EXT. TUBE STATION -DAY
COMMUTER
What!?
STATION GUARD
Body on the line.
SHAUN stands amid LIVID COMMUTERS. A POLICE CAR blazes past.
Ratings
Scene 4 - Shaun's Workday Morning
SHAUN is sat on a bus crowded with BLANK PASSENGERS; a PASTY
GUY listens to his walkman, an OLD MAN slowly nods off.
SHAUN looks out of the window. On the street, he sees a YOUNG
WOMAN faint. A number of PASSERS-BY rush to her aid.
SHAUN’S VOICE (O.S.)
Gather round everyone...
INT. SHOP-FLOOR. ELECTRICAL STORE -DAY
SHAUN
...gather round. Now as well as Mr.
Sloman being off sick, I’m afraid
Ash is also a bit under the
weather, so I’m taking charge
today, as I’m the...
YOUNG VOICE (O.S.)
Oldest.
SHAUN
...senior staff member.
We reveal a bunch of surly young SHOP ASSISTANTS chewing in
unison, in front of SHAUN. Among them, NOEL and DANNY.
NOEL
I’m feeling under the weather, can
I have the day off?
A ripple of laughter. SHAUN tries to find it funny.
SHAUN
No, Ash genuinely is ill. So we’re
going to have to pull together
today-
A mobile phone interrupts.
14.
NOEL
Yeah? Hello mate.
SHAUN
Noel, could you-
NOEL
Two seconds.
NOEL holds up his hand. SHAUN concedes weakly.
NOEL (CONT’D)
Yeah man. I was totally munted.
Yeah I spoke to him. He’s only got
an ‘enry.
SHAUN is left twiddling his red biro.
NOEL (CONT’D)
Alright man. Laters.
(hangs up)
Continue.
SHAUN
Thanks. As Mr. Sloman says,
“there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’ but there
is an ‘I’ in ‘pie’...something
about a team pie...I don’t know.
That’s it-
The ASSISTANTS are already off, ambling to their stations.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Danny can you uh...
DANNY is already opening the front doors...
SHAUN (CONT’D)
And Sarah, will you um...
SARAH is already switching on a bank of TV SCREENS...
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Phone off please Noel. This isn’t a
social gathering.
SHAUN pockets his biro and tries to look officious.
NOEL
Alright. Keep your hair on grandad.
15.
SHAUN
Hey, I’m only twenty nine for
chrissakes. How old are you?
Twenty? Twenty two?
NOEL
Seventeen.
SHAUN
(thrown)
Really?...Look Noel, I know you
don’t want to be here forever.
Neither do I. I got things I want
to do with my life.
NOEL
When?
NOEL points to SHAUN’s top pocket. His biro has leaked.
NOEL (CONT’D)
You’ve got red on you.
Ratings
Scene 5 - Flowers for Mum
SHAUN is demonstrating a TV to a young couple.
SHAUN
This one comes with a digital
package. You got your lifestyle
channels...
FLIP. We see a clip of MOANING COUPLES on ‘Trisha’.
...you got your entertainment
channels...
FLIP. We see a LAME GAME SHOW with contestants in funny
costumes. An unseen commentator laughs uncontrollably.
...you got your news channels...
FLIP. We see images of a CRASH SITE. People in WHITE SUITS. A
GRAVE LOOKING SCIENTIST. A DISTRAUGHT VOX POP. A CONVOY OF
MILITARY TRUCKS, RED LIGHTS flash. SHAUN stops flipping.
NOEL (O.S.)
Shaun!
SHAUN
I’m with a customer.
16.
NOEL (O.S.)
It’s your Dad!
SHAUN looks to the counter. With NOEL is a MIDDLE-AGED MAN.
SHAUN apologises to his customers and goes over.
PHILIP is a greying bear of a man. He wears DRIVING GLOVES
and makes only cursory eye contact with SHAUN.
SHAUN
Philip.
PHILIP
Shaun. I trust you haven’t
forgotten about tomorrow?
SHAUN
...No.
PHILIP
Your bi-monthly visit.
SHAUN
I haven’t forgotten.
PHILIP
You could bring the flowers you
forgot to send Barbara on Mother’s
Day.
SHAUN
Yeah, I was gonna.
PHILIP
And not a cheap posy from a garage
forecourt.
SHAUN
I wasn’t gonna.
PHILIP
The Texaco.
SHAUN
Alright!
PHILIP
Well, we’ll look forward to seeing
you tomorrow then.
They glare at each other, before PHILIP heads for the door.
SHAUN watches him leave, noticing another CONVOY OF MILITARY
TRUCKS on the street, RED LIGHTS flashing.
17.
NOEL
Thought this wasn’t a social
gathering.
SHAUN
What?
NOEL
How come you’re allowed to talk to
your Dad?
SHAUN
Look, A) he is not my Dad, he’s my
stepdad and B) it was an emergency.
NOEL
What, buying your Mum some flowers?
SHAUN
...Yes.
NOEL grins to some nearby ASSISTANTS who snigger.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Look Noel, whatever you might
think, I don’t find it difficult to
keep my work and my social life
separate.
The phone rings. DANNY answers.
DANNY
Shaun, Liz for you.
SHAUN takes it, adopting a businesslike tone.
SHAUN
Hello.
LIZ (O.S.)
Allo, it’s me.
SHAUN
Allo.
LIZ
Just quickly, d’you get my message?
SHAUN sees that NOEL and the other ASSISTANTS are watching.
SHAUN
Yep.
18.
LIZ (O.S.)
So it’s all okay then?
SHAUN
Yep.
LIZ
Eight instead of seven?
SHAUN
Yep.
SHAUN fakes a yawn and makes a ‘wrap it up’ signal.
LIZ (O.S.)
Okay cool, well, ring me later.
SHAUN
Goodbye Liz.
LIZ
Bye.
SHAUN hangs up and turns to NOEL and the others.
SHAUN
Liz. Head office. Nothing to panic
about.
EXT/INT. FLORIST -EVENING
A DISTRESSED BUSINESSMAN, crying loudly, runs past the window
of a florist. Inside, SHAUN watches him go.
FLORIST
Sir?
SHAUN
Sorry, yeah, they’re for my Mum.
The FLORIST produces some tags.
FLORIST
‘To a Wonderful Mum’ or ‘POW! Super
Mum’.
SHAUN
Um...first one.
SHAUN writes out the card and hands it back. He looks back to
the street. On the other side of the road is a SCRUFFY MAN on
the steps of a CHURCH, surrounded by pigeons.
19.
SHAUN watches as the SCRUFFY MAN swipes at the pigeons.
Amazingly he catches one.
SHAUN’s transfixed as the SCRUFFY MAN raises the pigeon to
his mouth. Surely he isn’t going to...
A BUS pulls up outside. SHAUN cranes to see through the
windows. When the bus pulls away, the SCRUFFY MAN is gone.
COMMUTER’S VOICE (O.S.)
What the hell’s going on?
Ratings
Scene 6 - Shaun's Commute and Encounter with Yvonne
SHAUN is again amid a crowd of PISSED OFF COMMUTERS.
STATION GUARD
Bodies on the line. Suicides.
COMMUTER
Suicide?
STATION GUARD
Suicides. Three.
The GUARD raises three fingers. SHAUN is a little freaked.
INT. BUS -EVENING
SHAUN is again on a bus crowded with BLANK PASSENGERS. The
man next to SHAUN coughs badly. The lady in front seems to
have nodded off and is dribbling. The bus is barely moving.
EXT. STREET -MOMENTS LATER
SHAUN walks. Cars honk, a traffic jam clogging up the road.
He looks ahead to the cause, a CAR has stalled at the lights.
A HAND slaps SHAUN on the arm.
YVONNE
Ohmigod, Shaun!
SHAUN
Yvonne?
YVONNE is in her late twenties. She’s jovial and short. She
and SHAUN embrace, slightly awkwardly.
YVONNE
How you doing?
20.
SHAUN
Surviving.
YVONNE
Haven’t seen you since the days
of...
YVONNE mouths a house beat and does a little dance. SHAUN
nods. A CROWD starts to gather around the stalled car.
SHAUN
Yep, good times.
YVONNE
You living round here?
SHAUN
Uh...yeah. You?
YVONNE
Yeah, I’ve just bought a place.
SHAUN
Bought?
MORE PEOPLE gather around the CAR.
YVONNE
Bit grown up eh? You still with...
SHAUN
Liz. Yeah.
YVONNE
That’s great. She still teaching?
An AMBULANCE pulls up. The SIREN forces them to shout.
SHAUN
Uh...yeah. She’s Head of English
now. Got fast- tracked.
YVONNE
Ooh wow. What about you? Last time
I saw you, you were working at that
bloody electrical place.
SHAUN
Yeah...
YVONNE clocks his name-tag and realises her faux pas.
YVONNE
You still deejaying?
21.
SHAUN
Not really. Kinda let it go,
y’know?
The SIREN wails on. YVONNE nods.
YVONNE
That’s a shame. Well, least you and
Liz are still together. Glad
somebody made it. How long’s it
been now?
SHAUN
Four years. Last week actually.
YVONNE
Aw, did you doing anything special?
SHAUN
No, we’re going for a meal tonight.
YVONNE
Ooh, anywhere nice?
The SIREN slows. Realisation dawns. SHAUN goes ashen-faced.
Ratings
Scene 7 - The Dinner Dilemma
FRONT DOOR swung open...FLOWERS thrown into the sink...YELLOW
PAGES flung open. We see on the page: ‘Fulci’s. The place
that does all the fish’.
SHAUN anxiously paces on the phone. ED plays his videogame.
ED
You gonna thank me then?
SHAUN
What for?
ED
Tidying up.
SHAUN
Doesn’t look that tidy.
ED
Well, I had a few beers when I
finished.
The phone picks up at the other end.
22.
VOICE (O.S.)
Fulci’s. Can you hold, please?
ED
You want your messages?
SHAUN
What?
ED produces a scrap of paper and reads aloud.
ED
Your Mum phoned about you going
round tomorrow. Liz phoned about
you guys eating out tonight. Then
your Mum phoned again to see if I
wanted to eat her out tonight.
VOICE (O.S.)
Hello?
SHAUN
Look, I know it’s short notice, but
do you have a table for two for
tonight?
VOICE (O.S.)
Sorry, we just gave away the last
table.
CLICK. The line goes dead.
SHAUN
Aw, man!
A beat.
ED
That wasn’t true about your Mum.
SHAUN stares at the receiver, deep in thought.
SHAUN
So, what are we going to do then?
Where are we going to go?
ED
The Winchester?
SHAUN
Don’t be so stupid! They don’t do
food.
23.
ED
John’ll do you a toastie. There’s a
Breville out the back.
SHAUN
Ed, this is serious!
SHAUN slams the phone down, it rings. He picks up.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Hello?
LIZ (O.S.)
Aollo.
SHAUN
(caught out)
...Allo...
LIZ (O.S.)
So what’s the plan then?
SHAUN
Yeah, uh...babe, there’s been a bit
of a problem with the table.
LIZ (O.S.)
What do you mean?
SHAUN
They’re full up.
LIZ (O.S.)
But you said it was all okay.
SHAUN
Yeah...
LIZ (O.S.)
You didn’t book it did you?
SHAUN
No...
LIZ (O.S.)
So what is the plan then?
Silence. ED looks at SHAUN. He raises his eyebrows and nods.
SHAUN
(tentatively)
We could go to...The Winchester?
24.
SHAUN winces. CLICK. The phone goes dead.
The YELLOW PAGES hits the floor...The FLOWERS are grabbed...
The FRONT DOOR is swung wide...
EXT/INT. TAXI CAB -EVENING
...A TAXI CAB DOOR slams shut. SHAUN sits anxiously in the
back of the cab, feigning interest in the DRIVER’s waffle.
DRIVER (O.S.)
...so he starts reaching through
the window and moaning at me and I
can’t understand what’s he’s bloody
goin’ on about, so I drives off.
Bedlam!
EXT. APARTMENT BLOCK -EVENING
The CAB screeches off. SHAUN runs with the flowers across the
grass forecourt of an apartment block. He reaches the front
door and slams the intercom buzzer for LIZ’s flat.
DIANNE (O.S.)
Hello.
SHAUN
Dianne. Let me in please.
DIANNE
I’m not sure this is the best time
Shaun.
SHAUN
Oh come on!
DAVID (O.S.)
Lizzy doesn’t want to see you,
Shaun.
SHAUN
Just open the door!
DAVID (O.S.)
She doesn’t want to see you.
Furious, SHAUN looks up to the FIRST FLOOR WINDOW.
25.
SHAUN
What do you want me to do? Do you
want me to climb up the drainpipe
and come through the window?
Because I will.
Ratings
Scene 8 - Failed Promises
A worried DAVID and DIANNE stand by the entry phone, in their
coats. Behind, LIZ emerges, also preparing to go out.
SHAUN (O.S.)
Alright then.
There are noises from outside. All look to the OPEN WINDOW.
BUZZ. The entry phone again.
SHAUN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Guys? Let me in. Please.
INT. LIZ’S BATHROOM -MOMENTS LATER
A furious LIZ busies herself, getting ready to go out.
SHAUN flits around her.
SHAUN
Liz, I can explain. Let’s just go
out.
LIZ
What, to the Winchester?
SHAUN
Do you want to?
LIZ
Hmm, let me see. Liz, let’s have a
quiet one in the Winchester. Liz,
it’s Saturday night. Winchester
night. Hey Liz, there’s a quiz on
this evening. Really? Aw, I love a
good quiz. Well, do you want to
come? Yeah, where’s it on? THE
WINCHESTER! No, I don’t fucking
want to!
SHAUN
Sorry, I just thought we could-
26.
LIZ
It’s not the only place in the
world Shaun!
SHAUN
I know, we can go somewhere else.
INT. LOUNGE -CONTINUOUS
DAVID and DI sit on the sofa, listening through the wall.
LIZ (O.S.)
I’m going out with David and Di.
SHAUN (O.S.)
Well, let’s all go together.
LIZ
What, you hang out with a bunch of
teachers? Sorry, a failed actress
and a twat?
DAVID and DI look at each other, affronted.
SHAUN (O.S.)
Hey, that’s a bit harsh.
LIZ (O.S.)
Your words.
SHAUN (O.S.)
I did not call Dianne a failed
actress.
LIZ
Cuh!
DIANNE is relieved. DAVID remains affronted. LIZ storms into
the lounge, with SHAUN in tow, helping her with her coat.
SHAUN
Seriously, let’s go out somewhere,
forget all this. We’ll have a
laugh, just the two of us.
Things’ll be cool. Promise.
LIZ turns angrily on SHAUN, who cowers behind the coat.
LIZ
Oh stop making these promises!
SHAUN
What do you mean?
27.
LIZ
Off the top of my head? You
promised you’d stop smoking when I
did. You promised you’d go back to
the gym. You promised we’d go flat
hunting. You promised you’d start
deejaying again. You promised you’d
try drinking red wine instead of
beer. You promised you’d come on
holiday with me. You-
SHAUN
We went to Greece didn’t we?
LIZ
We met in Greece.
DAVID
(disdainfully)
At a rave.
LIZ
It’s not the same. You promised
things would change.
DIANNE
You promised you’d get us free
cable.
SHAUN
I’m working on that!
DIANNE
Okay.
SHAUN
(to Liz)
Well, look...I can stop smoking. I
can give up whenever I want. See?
SHAUN takes out a fag packet and chucks them in the bin.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
What was the next one?
LIZ
It’s not enough, Shaun.
LIZ walks out, leaving SHAUN with DAVID and DI.
DAVID
Basically, I think your nine lives
are up-
28.
SHAUN
Oh get fucked four-eyes! Why don’t
you go out with her, you love her
so much?
DAVID goes red.
DAVID
I don’t know what you mean by that.
SHAUN makes a ‘like you don’t know’ face and leaves.
DAVID (CONT’D)
I don’t know what he means by that.
DIANNE says nothing.
Ratings
Scene 9 - Shaun's Apology and Liz's Frustration
LIZ is sat on her bed. Head in her hands. SHAUN enters.
SHAUN
Got you these.
He offers her the flowers with a smile. LIZ clocks the tag.
LIZ
“To A Wonderful Mum”?
SHAUN
Yeah...cos, remember last night,
you said you didn’t want to sound
like my Mum...
LIZ laughs, more out of exasperation than amusment. A pause.
LIZ
They are for your Mum aren’t they?
SHAUN
Yep.
LIZ
Smooth.
LIZ returns her head to her hands.
SHAUN
Sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I’m
tired.
29.
LIZ
You’re tired? It’s not the
strongest defence is it? I’m tired
Shaun.
SHAUN
Sorry.
LIZ
The ‘S’ word again.
SHAUN
Sor...
LIZ
You can’t just keep saying ‘sorry’
and expect things to be okay. You
wave it around like a ‘get out of
jail free’ card.
SHAUN
But, what if I am sorry?
LIZ
What if you are? It’s not like you
ever do anything about it. Nothing
ever changes.
(she sighs)
Look, I’ve got to do something. If
I don’t, I’m going to end up in
that pub, every night for the rest
of my life, like those other sad
old fuckers, drinking myself to
death, wondering what the hell
happened.
SHAUN
What do you mean “do something”?
EXT. LIZ’S FLAT -EVENING
SLAM. SHAUN is stood outside. Still in his work clothes.
Still holding the flowers. Face like...
THUNDER. Rain falls. SHAUN stares blankly ahead.
EXT. THE WINCHESTER -NIGHT
SHAUN walks toward the pub, still holding the flowers. He
sees a SNOGGING COUPLE in the shadows. He throws the flowers
into a NEARBY BIN.
30.
ED’S VOICE (O.S.)
Shauny...
INT. THE WINCHESTER -NIGHT
ED (O.S.)
...hog lumps!
A packet of PORK SCRATCHINGS hits a glum SHAUN in the face. A
cheery ED joins him at their usual table.
Behind, a wall mounted TV shows a SQUAD CAR whizzing through
suburbs, lights flashing. Seconds later, the pub is
illuminated by the FLASHING LIGHTS of a passing squad car.
ED (CONT’D)
Fuck her. You got your pint. You
got your pig snacks. What more
d’you want? Your favorite monkey
don’t you? You want me to do Clyde?
ED proceeds to ape Clyde the orangutan from ‘Every Which Way
But Loose’. SHAUN looks at him, bereft.
ED (CONT’D)
See I knew you’d get over her.
SINEAD O’CONNOR (O.S.)
‘It’s been 7 hours and 15 days...’
‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ starts up on the JUKEBOX.
ED
Who the hell put this on?
SHAUN
It’s on random.
ED
Oh for fuck’s sake! John?
ED motions to JOHN for another round.
Ratings
Scene 10 - A Night at the Winchester
...CURTAINS ARE DRAWN...DEAD BOLTS click into place...The TV,
FRUIT MACHINE and JUKEBOX are switched off. SHAUN and ED are
now among the last customers and are utterly pissed. ED
ignites two SAMBUCA shots. He and SHAUN ritualistically down
them, spluttering and laughing.
31.
ED
You know what we should do
tomorrow?
A hand appears on ED’s shoulder.
JOHN
Keep it down a bit lads.
ED/SHAUN
Sorry John.
JOHN moves off with their empties. ED continues quietly.
ED
You know what we should do
tomorrow? Keep drinking. Have a
Bloody Mary first thing. Get a bite
at The King’s Head. Grab a couple
at The Little Princess, stagger
back here and bang! We’re up at the
bar for shots. How’s that for a
slice of fried gold?
SHAUN remains utterly glum.
ED (CONT’D)
C’mon man talk to me.
SHAUN
Can we just leave it Ed?
ED
What did she say?
SHAUN
A lot.
ED
What a bitch.
SHAUN
She said if she stayed with me, she
was going to end up sitting in here
every night for the rest of her
life like these sad old fuckers,
drinking herself to death,
wondering what the hell happened.
ED
That’s harsh. These are not sad old
fuckers. These are rich,
interesting characters.
32.
Cut away to a number of SAD OLD FUCKERS around the bar.
SHAUN
Like who?
ED points to a MULLET HAIRED FIFTYSOMETHING at the bar.
ED
Snakehips. Always surrounded by
women. Bigamist. Strangled his
first wife with a draft excluder.
Invented the mobile disco.
Vaguely amused, SHAUN points to an IRISH SPINSTER necking
whisky.
SHAUN
What about her?
ED
Ex-porn star. Done it all. Mish,
doggy, reverse cowgirl, A2M.
Starred in the world’s first
interracial hardcore loop. Cafe au
lait.
SHAUN
What about John?
ED
Who, the “Barrel”? North London
Mafia.
SHAUN laughs and shakes his head.
ED (CONT’D)
That really is true. Big Al says
so.
SHAUN
Big Al also says dogs can’t look
up.
ED
Think about it. The gruff demeanor.
Handy with a blade. Bernie, the
trophy wife.
ED points to BERNIE, the wizened landlady behind the bar.
ED (CONT’D)
He’s connected. Why d’you think
there’s a rifle over the bar?
33.
ED nods to a rifle mounted on a brace.
SHAUN
‘Cos the pub’s called the
Winchester.
ED
Exactly.
SHAUN lets himself laugh. ED smiles.
ED (CONT’D)
See, you don’t need Liz to have a
good time.
SHAUN
Ed! Let’s just leave it now.
ED
Listen, can I just say one thing?
And I’m not gonna say, ‘there’s
plenty more fish in the sea’. I’m
not gonna say, ‘if you love her let
her go’...I’m not gonna bombard you
with cliches. All I’ll say is,
‘it’s not the end of the world’.
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP. A SHADOWY FIGURE is visible beyond the
frosted glass of the door. JOHN calls out to it.
JOHN
Sorry we’re closed.
THE FIGURE
Uhhhhhh...
More EMERGENCY VEHICLES pass. The flashing lights momentarily
define the FIGURE at the door. Maybe it’s a trick of the
light, but it appears to have NO LOWER JAW. The FIGURE
follows the noise and shuffles off.
ED
Pisshead.
EXT. PUB -NIGHT
ANGLE ON SIGN: “PLEASE LEAVE QUIETLY”
SHAUN & ED drunkenly belt out ‘White Lines’. The SNOGGING
COUPLE are still outside, necking furiously. ED calls over.
ED
Haven’t you had your tea?
34.
The WOMAN stops necking the man. He goes limp and drops to
the ground. She watches SHAUN & ED stagger off.
EXT. STREET -CONTINUOUS
SHAUN & ED cross the street, still singing ‘White Lines’ in
harmony. Behind, another FIGURE is stumbling down the middle
of the road. He appears to join in with...
THE FIGURE
Uhhhhhhh.
SHAUN and ED turn, gleefully trying to draft their new friend
into the sing-a-long. Again he responds with...
THE FIGURE (CONT’D)
Uhhhhhhh.
SHAUN and ED shrug, a little disappointed.
Ratings
Scene 11 - Relationship Woes
‘CRUCIAL ELECTRO’ blares. An old-skool party is in full
swing; ED body pops. SHAUN is on his turntables.
ED
Still got it!
PETE storms in. He grabs the record off the turntable-
SHAUN
Don’t scratch it!
-and throws it through the open window.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
That’s the second album I ever
bought!
PETE
It’s four in the fucking morning!
SHAUN
It’s Saturday-
PETE
No, it’s fucking Sunday and I have
to go into fucking work in four
fucking hours, because every other
fucker in my fucking department is
fucking ill! Can you see why I’m so
fucking angry?
35.
ED
Fuck yeah!
SHAUN
Pete, I’m sorry. We’re a bit
pissed. We split up with Liz
tonight.
PETE
Well just keep it down okay?
PETE heads for the door. As he does, ED mutters-
ED
Prick.
PETE
Sorry, what was that?
ED
Nuffin.
PETE launches at ED, fists flying. SHAUN pulls them apart.
SHAUN
Hey. Come on. We’re all friends
here.
PETE
He is not my friend! He’s an idiot.
ED
What’s that supposed to mean?
PETE
It means maybe you should fuck off.
You wanna live like an animal, go
live in the shed, you thick fuck.
SHAUN
Pete, leave him alone.
PETE
Stop defending him! Why do you
stick up for him all the time
Shaun? All he does is hold you
back. Or does it make life easier
having someone around who’s more of
a loser than you?
SHAUN
What’s that supposed to mean?
36.
PETE
You know what I mean. I presume it
was Liz who did the dumping? Am I
right? Sort-your-fucking-life-out-
mate-
SHAUN is utterly floored. ED interrupts-
ED
What’s up with your hand man?
We reveal that PETE’s hand is completely bandaged up.
PETE
I got mugged on the way home.
ED
By who?
PETE
I dunno, some crackheads or
something. One of them bit me.
(Ed breaks out laughing)
It’s not fucking funny!
ED
Why did they bite you?
PETE
I don’t know, I didn’t stop to ask
them! Now, I have a splitting
headache and your stupid hip hop
isn’t helping.
(storming out)
And the front door’s open again!
ED
It’s not Hip Hop, it’s Electro.
Prick.
A shell-shocked SHAUN doesn’t reply. ED slumps on the sofa.
ED (CONT’D)
Next time I see him he’s dead.
INT. HALL/KITCHEN -MOMENTS LATER
SHAUN shuffles out into the hall and plays the answer phone.
We hear Liz’s message from earlier-
-as SHAUN stands in the darkened kitchen and stares at a
photo of him and Liz, pinned to a ‘THINGS TO DO’ board.
37.
As Liz and Barbara’s messages play, he scrawls something on
the board, then drunkenly slumps onto a kitchen chair.
SCENE 32 MERGED WITH SCENE 31
INT. KITCHEN -SUNDAY MORNING
SHAUN wakes, groggy and hung-over. He’s still in the chair.
His eyes focus on the ‘THINGS TO DO’ board. It reads-
‘GO ROUND MUM’S...GET LIZ BACK...SORT LIFE OUT’
INT. LOUNGE -MORNING
ED is still slumped on the sofa.
SHAUN
Want anything from the shop?
ED
Cornetto.
EXT. STREET -MORNING
SHAUN crosses the street. In the distance we glimpse TWO
FIGURES shambling up the middle of the road.
Ratings
Scene 12 - Unearthing the Truth at the Newsagent
SHAUN
Nelson?
No-one is behind the counter. SHAUN grabs a Strawberry
Cornetto from the freezer and goes to the cooler. He opens
the door, not noticing two smeared BLOODY HANDPRINTS ON THE
GLASS. SHAUN grabs a Coke oblivious, slipping as he moves
off.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Nelson?
SHAUN goes to the counter. It seems oddly bare.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Nelson, you got any papers?
SHAUN shrugs and puts some change onto the counter.
38.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
I owe you fifteen pence Nels.
Alright?
SHAUN leaves. In the security mirror we can see the body of
Nelson slumped at the back of the store.
EXT. STREET -MORNING
SHAUN crosses the street again. One of the FIGURES is close
now, its ARMS OUTSTRETCHED. It wears a GREEN COAT and trails
a dog lead in its hand. SHAUN fishes in his pockets, without
really looking over.
SHAUN
Sorry mate, no change.
Shaun goes inside. In the distance, we can see the figure
Nelson shamble out of the shop.
INT. LOUNGE -MORNING
SHAUN sits down and puts his feet up on the coffee table. He
cracks open his Coke and picks up the remote, flicking idly
through the Sunday morning television.
NEWS: A REPORTER
‘Religious groups are calling it Judgement Day. There’s...’
MTV: THE SMITHS ‘Panic on the streets of London...’
NEWS: ANOTHER REPORTER ‘...as an increasing number of...’
FOOTBALL SHOW: COMMENTATOR ‘...serious attacks on...’
NEWS: A DIFFERENT REPORTER AGAIN ‘...people, who are
literally being...’
WILDLIFE SHOW: LIONS DEVOUR A GAZELLE ‘...eaten alive...’
NEWS: A VERY HARASSED REPORTER
‘Witness reports are sketchy but one unifying detail seems to
be that the attackers in many instances appear to be...’
KIDS SHOW: A TV PRESENTER ‘...dead excited to have with us
here...’
SHAUN flips back to the previous channel, curious. NEWS: A
HARASSEED REPORTER
39.
‘...accounts of multiple unidentified assailants...’ SHAUN
leans forward to watch more closely.
ED (O.S.)
There’s a girl in the garden.
SHAUN turns. ED is peering through the back window.
SHAUN
What?
ED
In the garden, there’s a girl.
SHAUN joins ED at the window. Standing at the very bottom of
the garden is a GIRL with her back to them.
Ratings
Scene 13 - Encounter with the Undead Checkout Girl
SHAUN calls timidly to the GIRL.
SHAUN
Hello...excuse me.
ED picks up a lump of mud and throws it at the GIRL.
ED
Oi!
The missile strikes her on the head. She turns slowly.
WE SEE HER FACE
She is pale, greyish. Her eyes are lifeless and cloudy. Her
hair is matted with something. Her CHECKOUT GIRL’S uniform is
dirty and torn. The image is horrific and unmistakable.
SHAUN
Oh my God! She is so drunk.
ED
How much have you had love?
She lurches forward, her ARMS OUTSTRETCHED towards SHAUN. ED
and SHAUN step back, giggling.
ED (CONT’D)
Ooh she likes you.
SHAUN
Shut up.
40.
ED
I think she wants a cuddle.
She keeps coming. Mouth open. HISSING. SHAUN backs up.
SHAUN
Look I’ve just come out of a
relationship-
He trips and falls. THE GIRL is quickly on top of him.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Ed, do something!
ED
Wait there.
ED runs back into the house.
SHAUN
Ed!
ED (O.S.)
Two seconds.
SHAUN gets a clear look at her eyes. Something’s not right.
ED (CONT’D)
Hold it there.
ED has come running back with a FUN CAMERA. Takes a snap.
SHAUN
Get her off me.
ED pushes the GIRL away. She stumbles, then comes back at
them both. ED gets his first good look.
ED
What’s up with your eyes? What’s up
with her eyes?
SHAUN jumps up and shouts to the GIRL.
SHAUN
Now seriously, I’m warning you...
She keeps coming...SHAUN clocks her name badge.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
...Mary. I’m going to have to get
physical. I mean it!
She keeps coming. SHAUN loses his patience.
41.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Right, this is it! Fuck off!
SHAUN shoves MARY hard in the chest. She stumbles down the
garden, falls backwards and IMPALES HERSELF onto the rusty
remnants of a free standing clothes line. The metal pole
protrudes through her stomach. BLOOD oozes through her top.
SHAUN puts his hands to his mouth. ED bites his lip.
SQUELCH. She gets up. SHAUN is momentarily relieved...before
seeing the GAPING HOLE IN HER STOMACH. ED starts to wind on
the fun camera. SHAUN bats it out of his hands.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
I think we should go back inside.
ED
Okay.
They turn to see a HULKING MAN right behind them. His eyes
dead also. He has massive injuries to his face and neck...
Ratings
Scene 14 - Zombie Attack!
ED stands by the window. The curtains are drawn.
ED
What’s going on? Shaun?
SHAUN’s on the phone, dialling fast.
SHAUN
Shit. It’s engaged.
ED
What about an ambulance?
SHAUN
It’s busy Ed.
ED
Fire engine?
SHAUN
Ed, it’s one number and it’s busy.
Why do you want a fire engine
anyway?
ED
Anything with flashing lights man.
SHAUN
Are they still out there?
42.
ED opens the curtains. MARY and THE HULK are still out there.
They look at ED. He promptly shuts the curtains again.
ED
Yeah...what do you think we should
do?
SHAUN
Let’s have a sit down.
They sit on the sofa. Upright, close to each other. They
watch a TIRED AND TROUBLED NEWSREADER on the TV. Behind them,
through the hall, we see the FRONT DOOR move.
NEWSREADER (T.V.)
-although it’s been hard to
establish how this could have
happened on such a wide scale and
so rapidly-
BEHIND THEM. The FRONT DOOR opens.
NEWSREADER (T.V.) (CONT’D)
-Environmental Health Officials
have refused to confirm that the
phenomenon is the result of a virus-
We see live footage of SHAMBLING FIGURES in a street.
ED
Do you think this is the same
thing?
BEHIND THEM. A SUITED MAN wanders in.
NEWSREADER (T.V.)
-the Home Office are asking people
to stay in their houses. Ensure
your residences are secure with all
windows and doors firmly locked-
SHAUN and ED turn to each other, then look-
BEHIND. THE SUITED MAN lumbers into the lounge. His shoulder
has been torn away. He looks pale and hungry.
SHAUN/ED NEWSREADER (T.V.)
Fuck! ...avoid contact with these
individuals...
SHAUN & ED jump off the sofa. The SUITED MAN lurches.
43.
SUITED MAN NEWSREADER (T.V.)
Uhhhhhh... ...if you find your safety is
compromised, it is important
to remain calm...
SHAUN and ED panic. They back around the room attempting to
evade the SUITED MAN, who pursues them relentlessly.
NEWSREADER (T.V.) (CONT’D)
-We’re expecting information from
the Home Office regarding the best
way to...uh...neutralize the
attackers, as they are seemingly
impervious to conventional force-
Suddenly ED grabs a heavy glass ashtray and brings it down
hard on the SUITED MAN’s head. CRACK! He falls back,
lifeless, skull split open. SHAUN and ED stand panting.
SHAUN
I’m just going to shut the front
door.
SHAUN runs out into the hall. ED goes over to the body.
NEWSREADER (T.V.)
...in the meantime contact with
these assailants is highly
inadvisable...
SHAUN rejoins ED, who is staring at the body.
ED
Did you see his head go?
THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! MARY and THE HULK want in.
ED (CONT’D) NEWSREADER
We should get out there. -officials suggest that-
SHAUN NEWSREADER
No we should stay inside. -in extreme circumstances-
ED (CONT’D) NEWSREADER
Come on, we can take ‘em. -the attackers can be stopped-
SHAUN NEWSREADER
But the man said to stay (sips his water)
indoors. -uh I repeat-
ED (CONT’D)
Fuck the man!
44.
SHAUN
As long as we’re in here and
they’re out there, we’re safe.
SMASH. The back window goes. MARY and THE HULK pull the
curtains down and reach through the broken glass.
NEWSREADER
-removing the head or destroying
the brain.
SHAUN takes a deep breath.
EXT. GARDEN -MOMENTS LATER
A WHISTLE. MARY and THE HULK stop thumping and turn to see ED
and SHAUN standing determinedly next to a cardboard box.
ED
Aim for the head.
The boys hurl the contents of the box; a variety of kitchen
implements, saucepans etc. They bounce ineffectually off the
intruders. Within seconds the arsenal is spent.
SHAUN
Now what? MARY and THE HULK close
in. ED looks to the nearby shed.
ED
We’ll have to get more stuff.
What’s in the shed?
SHAUN
I don’t know. It’s locked.
ED
Why is it locked?
SHAUN
It’s always been locked.
ED
Well, what are we going to-
ED spies the discarded ‘CRUCIAL ELECTRO’ album on the grass.
SHAUN
Ed, no-
Too late. ED flings the record frisbee style. SMACK. It
catches THE HULK in the face, throwing his head back.
45.
ED
Bam!
THE HULK staggers back up, the record sticking out of his
face. A look of confusion between SHAUN and ED.
Ratings
Scene 15 - Zombie Attack
SHAUN unclips the lid on an expensive looking record box.
SHAUN
Now look, some of these are limited-
ED grabs a record and flings it. It flies past MARY’s head.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
What was that one?
ED
I think it was Blue Monday.
SHAUN
Aw, man! That was an original
pressing.
ED
Oh, for fuck’s sake.
ED starts flicking through the records.
ED (CONT’D)
‘Purple Rain’?
SHAUN
No.
ED
‘Sign Of The Times’?
SHAUN
Definitely not.
ED
Oh, come on. The ‘Batman’
soundtrack?
SHAUN
Throw it.
ED flings disappointing Prince. It lodges in MARY’s thigh.
ED
Dire Straits?
46.
SHAUN
Throw it.
ED flings dreary A.O.R. It thuds into THE HULK’s shoulder.
ED
Oootcha!! Okay, ‘Stone Roses’?
SHAUN
No!
ED
‘Second Coming’?
SHAUN
I like it!
ED picks another record. MARY and THE HULK bear down.
ED
‘Sade’?
SHAUN
It’s Liz’s.
ED
She did dump you!
ED throws. It misses and shatters against the house.
SHAUN
Oh fuck this. I’m going to the
shed.
SHAUN walks towards the shed. ED follows.
ED
I thought you said it was locked.
SHAUN
It is.
IS NOW PART OF SCENE 42
INT. SHED -CONTINUOUS
BLACKNESS. The door splinters open. SHAUN crashes through. ED
steps in after him. They survey the contents.
47.
EXT. GARDEN -CONTINUOUS
SHAUN and ED emerge from the shed. SHAUN carries a cricket
bat, ED has a spade. MARY and THE HULK are right on top of
them. There’s no other option.
ED
Which one do you want? Girl or
Bloke?
SHAUN
Um...first one.
WHACK. The first blow is tentative and reluctant. Each strike
gains confidence and force. MARY and THE HULK go down. The
blows become frenzied and in perfect synch.
MARY and the HULK are finally dead. SHAUN and ED stop,
hyperventilating together. Their hands bloodied. Their
clothes splattered. Their faces shocked. A baptism of gore.
INT. LOUNGE -DAY
SHAUN and ED are back on the sofa. SHAUN has a mug of tea in
his shaking hand. ED eats his Cornetto and points to SHAUN’s
shirt.
ED
You’ve got red on you.
A FRAZZLED CORRESPONDENT talks over footage of a GREYISH MAN
clawing at the glass of an observation room.
CORRESPONDENT (T.V.)
-scientists have now confirmed that
in all cases, people receiving
bites have experienced headaches
and nausea and developed symptoms
similar to those displayed by their
attackers. If you know someone who
has been bitten it is absolutely
essential that you isolate them
immediately-
SHAUN and ED look at each other.
Ratings
Scene 16 - The Call From Mum
SHAUN and ED stands at the foot of stairs, looking up.
SHAUN
Pete? Pete?
48.
ED
Why don’t we just go up?
SHAUN
I’m not going up there.
ED
Why not?
SHAUN
Because A) he might be one of them
and B) he might be really annoyed.
Pete? Must have gone to work.
ED
(finding Pete’s keys)
How come he didn’t drive?
SHAUN
(reaching)
Probably got a lift. He said he
wasn’t feeling well. Pete?
ED
(shouting)
Oi, PRICK?!
Nothing.
ED/SHAUN
He’s not in.
SHAUN thinks. ED gets out his fags and offers one to SHAUN.
SHAUN
I’ve given up.
ED
Since when?
SHAUN
Since-
Just as SHAUN remembers, the phone rings.
SCENE 48 IS NOW DELETED
INT. HALL -CONTINUOUS
He picks up.
SHAUN
Liz?
49.
BARBARA (O.S.)
Shaun.
SHAUN
Mum! I was just going to call you
actually. Is everything okay?
ED’s ears prick up. He instinctively stubs out his fag.
BARBARA (O.S.)
Yes...
SHAUN
Are you sure?
BARBARA (O.S.)
Some men tried to get into the
house.
SHAUN
Are they still there?
BARBARA (O.S.)
I’m not sure. We’ve shut the
curtains.
SHAUN
Did you try the police?
BARBARA
I thought about it.
SHAUN
Are you okay? Did they hurt you?
BARBARA (O.S.)
No, I’m fine, I’m fine...
SHAUN
Mum?
BARBARA (O.S.)
Well, they were a bit bitey.
The colour drains from SHAUN’s face.
SHAUN
Oh my God Mum. Have you been
bitten?
The colour drains from ED’s face too.
BARBARA (O.S.)
No, but Philip has.
50.
SHAUN
Oh okay.
ED
Has she been bitten?
SHAUN
(covers mouthpiece)
No, Philip has.
ED
Oh okay.
SHAUN
What sort of state is he in Mum?
BARBARA (O.S.)
Oh, he’s fine. A bit under the
weather.
SHAUN
I see.
ED
What’s the deal?
SHAUN
(covers mouthpiece)
We may have to kill my stepdad.
(back to Mum)
Look Mum, you’re not safe there.
Sit tight. We’re on our way over.
BARBARA (O.S.)
I don’t want to cause a fuss.
ED
We’re coming to get you Barbara!
Ratings
Scene 17 - Planning the Escape
SLAM. A boot hits the coffee table. ED laces. SHAUN paces.
ED
So what’s the plan?
SHAUN takes a deep breath.
SHAUN
Right...
Cue MONTAGE.
51.
SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
We take Pete’s car and we SHAUN and ED driving along in
drive over to Mum’s. Pete’s car. They pull up at
Barbara and Philip’s and run
heroically inside.
SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
We take care of Philip. SHAUN and ED stand armed,
behind a ZOMBIE PHILIP.
SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
I’m so sorry. Anguished, SHAUN and ED whack
PHILIP on the head.
SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Then we take Mum to Liz’s SHAUN, ED and BARBARA are
place and wait there until greeted by a grateful LIZ on
all this blows over. the doorstep. They sit
inside, drinking tea and
eating biscuits.
BACK TO SCENE
ED
Why do we have to go to Liz’s?
SHAUN
Because we do.
ED
But she dumped you!
SHAUN
I have to make sure she’s okay.
ED
Why?
SHAUN
Because I love her!
SHAUN surprises himself. A pause.
ED
Alright gay. I’m not staying there
though.
SHAUN
Why not?
ED
If we hole up, I wanna be somewhere
familiar.
(MORE)
52.
ED (CONT'D)
I wanna know where the exits are
and I wanna be allowed to smoke.
SHAUN
Okay...
Cue MONTAGE:
SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Take Pete’s car. Get Mum. SHAUN and ED pull up at
Barbara and Philip’s.
SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Deal with Philip. They stand behind ZOMBIE
PHILIP.
SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
I’m sorry. Less anguished, they whack
PHILIP.
SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Go to Liz’s, pick her up and SHAUN, ED and BARBARA arrive
then come back here and wait at Liz’s. SHAUN carries LIZ
for it all to blow over. to the car. They pull up at
the HOUSE. They sit drinking
tea and eating biscuits.
BACK TO SCENE
ED
Perfect.
SHAUN
Wait. We can’t bring them here.
ED
Why not?
SHAUN
It’s not exactly safe, is it?
ED
Yeah. And look at the state of it.
There’s a corpse in the living
room.
SHAUN
Where’s safe? Where’s familiar?
ED
Where can I smoke?
SHAUN and ED look at each other.
53.
Cue MONTAGE:
SHAUN (V.O.) MONTAGE:
Get Mum. SHAUN and ED screech up.
SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Do Philip. SHAUN and ED are in a hurry.
SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Sorry. Whack!
SHAUN (V.O.) (CONT’D) MONTAGE:
Get Liz, then wait for all SHAUN carries LIZ out. They
this to blow over, in the pull up at THE WINCHESTER and
only truly sensible and safe are ushered in by JOHN and
place there is... the DORIS. They sit, drinking and
Winchester. eating bar snacks.
BACK TO SCENE
SHAUN
How’s that for a fried gold
sandwich?
The TV is still on in the background.
NEWSREADER (T.V.)
...To recap, it is vital that you
stay in your homes; make no attempt
to reach loved ones and avoid all
physical contact with the
assailants.
ED
You believe everything you hear on
TV?
SHAUN flicks the TV off.
Ratings
Scene 18 - Escape from the House
A curtain is pulled back. We see Pete’s RENAULT MEGANE.
SHAUN (O.S.)
I see it man. It’s right outside.
SHAUN’s at the front door. ED is psyching up. They both have
their respective weapons; a spade and a cricket bat.
ED
What’s the zombie situation?
54.
SHAUN
Don’t say that.
ED
What?
SHAUN
That.
ED
What?
SHAUN
The ‘Z’ word.
ED
Why not?
SHAUN
Because it’s ridiculous.
ED
Okay...are there any out there
though?
SHAUN looks out. The street seems empty.
SHAUN
No. Maybe it’s not as bad as all
that.
(looks the other way)
Oh no, there they are.
SHAUN points. We REFRAME a fraction to see LOTS OF ZOMBIES.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Right, let’s do it.
(beat)
I’ve just go to do a wee first.
SHAUN skips to the loo. ED calls after.
ED
Can I drive?
SHAUN
What?
ED
I always wanted to drive Pete’s
car. I might not get another
chance.
SHAUN shrugs and throws ED the keys.
55.
INT. BATHROOM -MOMENTS LATER
A ZIP is unfastened...a TOILET FLUSHED...HAND washed.
SHAUN stares at his reflection in the open door of the
bathroom cabinet. He shuts it. In the reflection behind him-
NOTHING. He turns to see-
PETE. Standing naked in the shower, his face is contorted
with pain. His blank, milky eyes fix on a shocked SHAUN.
SHAUN
Pete, hi...
ZOMBIE PETE reaches out, his hand black and gangrenous.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Listen man, we’re just going to
borrow your car...but we’ll bring
it back...
Terrified, SHAUN backs out. ZOMBIE PETE slowly follows.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
...if you feel better later...we’re
going to the pub. You’re more than
welcome to...join us.
ZOMBIE PETE
Uhhhhhh...
SHAUN slams the bathroom door and runs off downstairs. ANGLE
ON THE HANDLE. It turns...
INT. FRONT DOOR -CONTINUOUS
A shocked SHAUN rejoins ED, who’s jangling the car keys.
ED
Pete’d be so pissed off if he knew
I was driving his car. Wouldn’t he?
SHAUN
I don’t think so.
EXT. FRONT GARDEN -MOMENTS LATER
SHAUN walks briskly to the CAR. ED tags behind.
56.
ED
Shaun! Which button’s central
locking?
BANG. A FOOTBALL hits SHAUN on the head. He turns to see the
BORED KID. Now DEAD. Standing on the pavement nearby. ED
panics and presses any button. The MEGANE’s alarm goes off.
ED (CONT’D)
Cock it!
The nearby ZOMBIES turn slowly. The DEAD KID approaches...
ED pushes another button, the alarm stops and the locks flip
up. SHAUN and ED dive into the car. ED turns the key-
...The lights come on...The DEAD KID paws the bonnet...
...The wipers activate...The ZOMBIES lurch closer... The
indicators flash......A ZOMBIE NELSON approaches, hand
outstretched...The engine roars to life...The FRONT DOOR
bursts open. A naked PETE staggers out of the house...
SHAUN
Drive.
INT. CAR -AFTERNOON
ED drives fast through suburban streets. The radio is on.
RADIO NEWSREADER The Church of England has now joined
extremist groups in proclaiming the crisis as-
SHAUN looks out of the window to see...a FATHER bundling his
crying kids into a family car...an ABANDONED AMBULANCE with a
squirming bodybag on a gurney...ZOMBIES dotted around the
street and parks.
RADIO NEWSREADER (CONT’D)
-evidence of a coming apocalypse.
Once again bodies of the recently
dead-
ED
Can we put something else on?
ED whips out a cassette and puts it in the player. HARD HOUSE
booms. He grins at SHAUN-
WALLOP! Something flies off the bonnet, up over the car and
bounces across the road behind, ED slams on the brakes.
57.
ED (CONT’D)
We hit something.
SHAUN
Or someone.
ED leans on the horn, making them both jump.
Ratings
Scene 19 - Rescue at Barbara and Philip's
ED backs the car up level with the CRUMPLED BODY. SHAUN winds
down the window and calls over.
SHAUN
Are you alright?
ED
Come on, let’s just go.
SHAUN
Hello?
ED
They’ll be dead either way.
SHAUN
That’s not the point Ed-
A CRACKING SOUND. They turn to see the broken body lifting
its head, revealing...a GRIZZLED ZOMBIE. It hisses.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Oh thank God for that.
The irony of this hits SHAUN as ED hits the gas.
EXT. STREET -AFTERNOON
SHAUN and ED pull up outside Barbara and Philip’s. The only
other car in the street is a gleaming JAGUAR XJ6 sitting in
the driveway. ED whistles.
ED
You didn’t tell me Barbara had a
Jag. Always wanted to drive one of
those.
SHAUN
It’s Philip’s and he won’t let
anyone near it.
(MORE)
58.
SHAUN (CONT'D)
I left half a Mars Bar in the glove
box once, he chased me round the
garden with a piece of wood.
ED
Fuck. It’s gorgeous.
SHAUN looks around. The street is strangely quiet.
SHAUN
Come on, it seems clear enough.
ED
Why don’t I stay here?
SHAUN
What? Why?
ED
Someone should stay with the car.
Keep watch. If there’s any
problems, I’ll honk three times.
SHAUN
Okay.
Uncertain, SHAUN runs up the path. ED calls after him.
ED
Don’t forget to kill Philip.
INT. BARBARA & PHILIP’S HALL -MOMENTS LATER
BARBARA
Hello pickle.
SHAUN
Hey Mum.
BARBARA
You’ve got red on you.
BARBARA gets a tissue from her sleeve, licks it and dabs his
cheek clean. SHAUN looks warily into the house.
SHAUN
You alright?
BARBARA
Yes, I’m fine.
SHAUN
Where’s Philip?
59.
BARBARA
Dad’s in the lounge.
SHAUN
He’s not my Dad.
BARBARA
Oh Shaun, really.
SHAUN
Sorry Mum. Listen, Ed’s outside,
we’re getting you out of here.
BARBARA
But we’ve got to wait for the
doctor.
SHAUN
I don’t know if the doctor’s
coming.
BARBARA
Well, I’m not sure Philip’s going
to want to leave the house darling.
SHAUN
Philip’s not...why don’t you pop
the kettle on? I’ll take care of
Philip.
BARBARA
Okay. Are you hungry?
SHAUN
Not really.
BARBARA
I’ll make some sandwiches.
SHAUN
Okay.
BARBARA
No fighting you two.
Ratings
Scene 20 - Confrontation
The door creaks open. A grey looking PHILIP is sat in an
armchair. He is inert, wrapped in a blanket and facing the
television, which plays RELIGIOUS PROGRAMMING. His eyes are
closed. SHAUN approaches him, mind racing. He raises the
CRICKET BAT above his head, as organ music on the TV swells.
60.
SHAUN
I’m so sorry Philip.
PHILIP
Why?
SHAUN yelps, hiding the BAT behind him.
PHILIP (CONT’D)
What have you done now?
SHAUN
Nuffin.
PHILLIP
What’ve you got there? Flowers I
hope.
SHAUN
No, it’s a...cricket bat.
BARBARA
Oh.
SHAUN yelps again as BARBARA appears and takes the bat.
BARBARA (CONT’D)
Is that for the jumble Shaun?
BARBARA
There’s a whole box of your toys
upstairs, I was going to give them
to the jumble.
PHILIP
I took them all to the tip,
Barbara.
SHAUN
Oh, what?
BARBARA
Shaun’s come to take us somewhere.
PHILIP
Don’t be silly, I’m not going
anywhere.
SHAUN
Well maybe you should stay here and
wait for the doctor. I’ll take Mum.
BARBARA
You said the doctor wasn’t coming.
61.
PHILIP
You didn’t call the doctor did you?
BARBARA
I just thought it was best to be
safe.
PHILIP
I’m quite alright, Barbara. I’ve
run it under a cold tap. And we had
our jabs when we went to the Isle
of Wight.
BARBARA
But Philip-
PHILIP
It’s all a lot of overblown
nonsense. Just a bunch of drugnuts
running wild.
SHAUN
Still, should get Mum away, in case
they come back.
BARBARA
I’m not going anywhere without
Philip.
SHAUN
Mum...listen, did you make that
tea?
INT. KITCHEN -MOMENTS LATER
BARBARA makes tea. SHAUN is agitated.
SHAUN
Mum?
BARBARA
Mmmm?
SHAUN
How much do you love Philip?
BARBARA
Two sugars is it?
SHAUN
I haven’t had sugar in my tea since
1982.
62.
BARBARA
Will you cut me some bread love?
SHAUN cuts bread with a fearsome looking bread knife.
SHAUN
Mum, how much do you love Philip?
BARBARA
Oh for goodness sake Shaun, must we
go through this again?
SHAUN
I’m sorry but...what would you
think if I told you that he has,
over the years, been quite unkind
to me.
BARBARA
You weren’t always the easiest
person to live with.
SHAUN
Mum, he chased me with a piece of
wood.
BARBARA
Well, you did call him a ‘you know
what’.
SHAUN
Did he tell you that?
BARBARA
Yes he did.
SHAUN
Motherfucker.
BARBARA
Shaun!
SHAUN
Sorry Mother...Mum. Did you know
that, on several occasions, he
touched me?
BARBARA flashes SHAUN a look.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Sorry, that’s not true. Look, Mum
you don’t understand-
BARBARA stops what she’s doing. Turns to SHAUN.
63.
BARBARA
No you don’t understand, Philip is
my husband and has been for
seventeen years. I know you haven’t
always seen eye to eye but I would
at least expect you to respect my
feelings. You have to be more adult
about these things.
PHILIP (O.S.)
Yes come on Shaun...
PHILIP is stood at the kitchen door, his arm in a sling. He
looks weak but still towers over SHAUN.
PHILIP (CONT’D)
...there comes a time when you’ve
just got to be a man.
SHAUN glances down at the knife in his hand, then back at
PHILIP. His grip around the handle tightens.
Ratings
Scene 21 - Escape from the House
SHAUN drags his cricket bat like a stroppy teenager as he
leads BARBARA and PHILIP up the path. There are still no
ZOMBIES around.
PHILIP
Told you this was a fuss over
nothing.
ED stands at the end of the garden, hands in his pockets.
BARBARA
Hello Edward. My you’ve grown!
ED
Better believe it.
ED nods to PHILIP then whispers to SHAUN.
ED (CONT’D)
What happened? Why’s he coming?
SHAUN
It wasn’t as easy as all that.
ED tuts at SHAUN. PHILIP stands by the JAG.
PHILIP
So, we’re following you are we?
64.
SHAUN
I think it’s best if we go in the-
(looks to ED)
Where’s the car?
ED looks sheepishly off. We follow his gaze to see the
RENAULT MEGANE wrapped around a lamppost. A write-off.
ED
I pranged it.
SHAUN
You were parked.
ED
Yeah...guess we’ll have to take the
Jag.
SHAUN takes a deep breath and turns to PHILIP.
SHAUN
Umm...Philip?
PHILIP
What?
A ZOMBIE appears right behind PHILIP. We recognise him as one
of the DAZED YOUNG CLUBBERS from earlier.
SHAUN
Look out!
Too late. The ZOMBIE grabs PHILIP and takes a huge bite out
of his shoulder.
PHILIP
CHRIST!
SHAUN sprints over and kicks the ZOMBIE clear. PHILIP falls.
Another CLUBBER ZOMBIE approaches, complete with whistle.
SHAUN
Philip, give me the car keys!
PHILIP
You’re not driving that car.
SHAUN
Phillip...
SHAUN spins and deftly smashes the 2nd ZOMBIE in the face-
knocking the whistle down his throat.
65.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
...give me the car keys!
PHILIP gives them to SHAUN, who throws them to ED.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Ed! Get Mum in the car.
ED
I’m on it!
ED catches the keys and looks at them. He smiles for a moment
before ushering BARBARA in. SHAUN pulls PHILIP off the
ground, his neck gushes blood.
PHILIP
Don’t worry about me. Worry about
your mother.
SLAM! SHAUN jumps in the back with PHILIP. BARBARA’s up front
with ED, who’s admiring the Jag’s interior.
SHAUN
Maybe I should drive.
ED
I’ve adjusted the seat now.
SHAUN
Go on then. Just be caref-
He’s drowned out by ED’s HARD HOUSE tape. They scream off.
INT. JAG -AFTERNOON
London whizzes by. We catch whispers of ACCIDENTS, a CAR
driving erratically with a BABY CARRIAGE on the roof. We see
ZOMBIES beating down the doors of houses. A huddle of ZOMBIE
KIDS are gathered around a body next to an ABANDONED ICE
CREAM VAN.
SHAUN attempts to bandage the profusely bleeding PHILIP with
his jacket. The HARD HOUSE blares from the stereo.
PHILIP
Can we please turn that noise down?
BARBARA
(offering a handful of
tissues)
Are you alright dear, would you
like a tissue?
66.
PHILIP
I’d be fine, if it wasn’t for that
bloody racket.
BARBARA
It is a little loud.
ED turns it down immediately for her.
ED
Sorry Barbara.
PHILIP
You do realise this is a thirty
mile an hour zone?
ED
Oh yeah.
ED winks at BARBARA and speeds recklessly onward.
Ratings
Scene 22 - Escape from the Forecourt
The JAG screeches to a halt. Everyone is thrown forward. A
now heavily bandaged PHILIP moans in pain.
ED
Here.
The forecourt is dotted with a FEW ZOMBIES, who lurch over.
SHAUN
Mum, this won’t take a second.
SHAUN tries the door, it won’t open. He turns to PHILIP.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Have you still got the child locks
on?
PHILIP
Safety first Shaun.
SHAUN winds down the window and squirms out.
SHAUN
Ed, stay moving. Any problems-
ED
Yeah, yeah. Do the honks.
ED cruises off around the forecourt. SHAUN heads for the
door. Three ZOMBIES block his path. He knocks them down.
67.
BUZZ. SHAUN slams the bell. Behind him the floored ZOMBIES
quietly pick themselves up and advance again.
DIANNE (O.S.)
Hello?
Before SHAUN can answer- HONK! HONK! HONK! ED beeps from the
Jag. SHAUN turns. The ZOMBIES are right on top of him.
Ratings
Scene 23 - Escaping to The Winchester
A worried DAVID and DIANNE huddle round the entry phone,
which buzzes with sounds of PITCH BATTLE. LIZ emerges from
her room and joins them. There is a noise at the window-
It’s SHAUN. At the glass.
SHAUN
Guys? Let me in, please.
LIZ
What are you doing?
SHAUN
I’ve come to get you.
DIANNE
You’re bleeding.
SHAUN
It’s okay, it’s not mine.
LIZ opens the window. SHAUN tumbles in, bat in hand. LIZ
looks at him, half way between angry and impressed.
LIZ
Sorry, what are you doing?
SHAUN stands and catches his breath.
SHAUN
I’ve come to take you somewhere
safe.
DAVID
What do you mean safe? We were
perfectly safe until you turned up.
SHAUN
You don’t know that.
68.
DAVID
But there were only two of them
outside a minute ago and now how
many are there?
DIANNE
Lots.
DAVID
Lots.
SHAUN
Believe me, it only takes one of
them to know you’re in here. Liz, I
tried calling but I couldn’t get
through. I had to come up with a
plan.
LIZ
Oh, you made a plan?
SHAUN
I don’t care what the telly says,
we have to get out of here. If we
stay, they will break down the
door, they will come up here and
they will tear us to pieces and
that’s really going to exacerbate
matters for all of us.
LIZ
Smooth.
SHAUN
Listen to me. Please. You have to
trust me. I’ve been out there, I’ve
seen what’s happening. They’re not
just going to give up and go away.
They’ll keep coming.
LIZ
Shaun-
SHAUN
This isn’t about you and me Liz.
It’s about survival. We need to be
somewhere more secure, somewhere on
the ground. Somewhere we can
survive.
LIZ’s reluctance seems to waver.
DIANNE (O.S.)
We’re with you, Shaun.
69.
SHAUN LIZ
What? What?
DAVID
What?
DIANNE
We’re with you.
DAVID
I’m not going out there.
DIANNE
You saw Titus at the National,
Daffs. I don’t want to be torn to
pieces and I’m sure, if you really
think about it, neither do you.
DAVID
I’m not going if Lizzy isn’t going.
DIANNE
Of course she’s going.
DAVID
I’m not staying here on my own.
DIANNE
You’re going aren’t you Elizabeth?
DAVID
Lizzy?
SHAUN
Liz?
All eyes are on an uncertain LIZ. From outside, we hear a
building chorus of moans. LIZ takes a deep breath.
LIZ
Alright Flash, what did you have in
mind?
SHAUN
Right...uh, I’ve got a car outside,
but it’s going to be a bit cramped.
So, have either of you got
transport?
DIANNE
(putting up her hand)
Yes, yes.
70.
SHAUN
Good. Where?
DIANNE
Oh, no. I mean I’ve passed my test.
SHAUN
David?
DAVID
I don’t think there’s any point
owning a car in London.
SHAUN
Okay then, let’s just gather any
blunt objects. If you get cornered,
bash them in the head, that seems
to work. Just keep together, stay
sharp and follow me.
LIZ
So what is the plan then?
SHAUN flips up his cricket bat and gathers himself.
SHAUN
(firmly)
We’re going to The Winchester.
CLOSE on the incredulous faces of LIZ, DI and DAVID.
Ratings
Scene 24 - Escape in the Jag
CLOSE on the terrified faces of LIZ, DI and DAVID; as they
clumsily battle the ZOMBIES on their doorstep. LIZ wields a
hockey stick, DAVID an umbrella, DIANNE a piece of driftwood.
SHAUN guides them through the crowd with his cricket bat.
LIZ
Where’s the car?
HONK! The Jag pulls up, knocking a ROADSWEEPER ZOMBIE
flying...
ED
Whassup niggaz?
Everyone stops momentarily and looks at ED, before breaking
into a run for the Jag. LIZ squeezes into the front. SHAUN,
DAVID and DI pile in the back. SHAUN is jammed next to
PHILIP, who looks even worse. ZOMBIES encroach on the car.
71.
SHAUN
Apologies for the cramped
conditions.
(to Di)
Di, you sit on Dave’s lap if you
can.
(to Phillip)
Phillip, hang in there.
(to Ed)
Ed, fast as you can okay?
(to Barbara)
And Mum this is Liz.
(to Liz)
Liz, Mum.
LIZ
Hello.
BARBARA
Hello.
ED hits the gas. The engine roars.
INT/EXT. CAR -AFTERNOON
The Jag is unbearably cramped. ED drives fast, flying over
speed bumps. The HARD HOUSE is back on the stereo. PHILIP
moans weakly.
PHILIP
Shaun...
SHAUN
I know, I know. Be careful will you
Ed?
DIANNE
Is your Dad alright?
SHAUN
He’s not my Dad.
DIANNE
He’s bleeding.
SHAUN
I know. Ed, will you please be
careful?!
ED
Thought you wanted to get there
fast.
72.
ED swerves slightly. A ZOMBIE glances off the bonnet.
ED (CONT’D)
Oof!
SHAUN
I want to get there in one piece.
And why are we going this way?
ED
Chill out, it’s a short cut.
SHAUN
But the other road goes straight to
The Winchester.
PHILLIP
Shaun...
SHAUN ejects the tape with a huff.
DAVID
I still don’t actually understand
why we are going to The Winchester.
SHAUN looks at LIZ. They keep eye contact.
SHAUN
It’s a pub, it’s safe, it’s secure-
ED
They know us there.
LIZ
What makes it so secure?
SHAUN
(floundering)
It’s got heavy doors. It’s got dead
bolts. You’ve been to a lock in.
LIZ
Several.
ED
And there’s a rifle above the bar.
DAVID
I would think that’s deactivated.
DIANNE
Surely.
73.
ED
It’s not. I’m telling you, John’s
connected. Big Al says so.
SHAUN
Big Al also says dogs can’t look
up.
ED
They can’t.
DIANNE
Can’t they?
ED
No, they can’t.
SHAUN
Of course they can-
DIANNE
Are you sure?
SHAUN
Look, the pub’s the right place to
go. Everything’s gonna be fine.
Promise.
Hearing the ‘P’ word, LIZ, DAVID and DI frown at SHAUN.
PHILLIP
Shaun...
SHAUN
I turned it off, alright?
PHILIP
It’s not easy.
SHAUN
What?
PHILIP is fading, he tugs on SHAUN’s arm and whispers.
PHILIP
Being a father Shaun. It’s not
easy.
SHAUN is taken aback.
SHAUN
What?
74.
PHILIP
You were twelve when I met you,
you’d already grown up so much.
SHAUN
Yeah...well, I wasn’t the easiest
person to live with.
PHILIP
I just wanted you to be strong, not
give up because you lost your Dad.
SHAUN
Philip, you don’t have to
explain...
PHILIP
I do. I’ve always loved you Shaun,
always thought you had it in you to
do well. You just need motivation.
Somebody to prove yourself to. I
thought that could be me.
SHAUN nods, eyes wide. With huge effort, PHILIP puts his hand
on SHAUN’s shoulder.
PHILIP (CONT’D)
Take care of your Mum, there’s a
good boy.
PHILIP slips away. SHAUN closes his dead step-dad’s eyes.
SHAUN
(tremulously)
Ed, could you pull over?
ED
Two seconds.
ED swerves again. Another ZOMBIE bounces off the Jag.
ED (CONT’D)
Sweet chin music!
SHAUN
Ed! Will you just pull over,
please.
ED
What for?
SHAUN
ED, JUST PULL OVER!
75.
ED slams on the brakes. Everyone is thrown violently around
the interior as the car turns 180 and screams to a stop. The
passengers sit in shocked silence. ED whoops.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Christ! What the hell are you
doing?
ED
Chill out. Everyone’s alright.
Furious, SHAUN punches the back of ED’s headrest.
SHAUN
Stop-telling-me-to-chill-out!
ED huffs in sulky protest. SHAUN gathers himself.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
And no, everyone is not alright.
LIZ
What’s wrong?
SHAUN
Uh, well...Mum?
BARBARA
What’s wrong Pickle?
SHAUN
Mum, it’s Philip...he’s gone.
BARBARA
Where’s he gone?
SHAUN
Mum, he’s dead.
BARBARA
No he’s not.
SHAUN looks at PHILIP who stares back milky eyed, UNDEAD.
ZOMBIE PHILIP
Uhhhhhh...
Shit. A scramble for the doors. ZOMBIE PHILIP claws hungrily
at SHAUN. BARBARA, LIZ and ED pile out; ED accidentally knees
the HARD HOUSE tape back into the stereo. It BLARES again.
DAVID and DI struggle to get out.
DAVID
It won’t open!
76.
DIANNE
It won’t open!
SHAUN
Ed, the child locks!
ED slopes towards the door, but LIZ quickly steps in before
him to open it. DAVID and DI fall out, followed by SHAUN. He
turns to see PHILIP lunge at him. SHAUN slams the car door.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Safety first Philip.
SHAUN swings round and glowers at ED. He glowers right back.
DAVID
Now what?
The GANG are out in the open. The HARD HOUSE draws the
attention of several nearby ZOMBIES, who begin to close in.
SHAUN
We have to keep moving.
DIANNE
But how do we get Philip out of the
car?
SHAUN
We haven’t got time.
LIZ
What about the blunt objects?
ED
Do you want to get them?
ED nods to the slavering PHILIP. BARBARA looks on in shock.
BARBARA
Shaun, we can’t just leave your
Dad.
SHAUN
He’s not my Dad!
BARBARA
Oh Shaun-
SHAUN grabs a shaken BARBARA by the shoulders. BEHIND we see
ZOMBIE PHILIP lunging forward into the front seat.
77.
SHAUN
He’s not Mum. He was but he’s not
anymore-
BARBARA
I’m sure if we just-
SHAUN
That’s not even your husband. I
know it looks like him but believe
me, there is nothing of the man you
loved in that car now. Nothing.
BEHIND we see ZOMBIE PHILIP reach forward and SWITCH THE HARD
HOUSE OFF. He sits back and looks almost peaceful.
SHAUN (CONT’D)
Let’s go shall we?
DAVID
You’re not seriously suggesting we
walk are you?
Ratings
Scene 25 - In Search of the Winchester
SHAUN walks briskly along a high-fenced back alley.
SHAUN
Everyone okay back there?
ED (O.S.)
Yeah, we’re having a whale of a
time.
We see the GANG tagging along behind him; LIZ, DAVID and DI
followed by a dazed BARBARA. ED skulks at the back, smoking.
DIANNE
Maybe we should all hold hands,
y’know? Make a crocodile?
DAVID
Do you have any idea where you’re
going?
LIZ
David!
DAVID
Sorry Lizzy.
78.
LIZ
(whispering to Shaun)
Do you though?
SHAUN
Totally, totally.
LIZ
But are we close?
SHAUN peers through fence slats into a nearby garden. The
MULLET HAIRED FIFTYSOMETHING from the pub lies dead on the
grass surrounded by a ravenous huddle of FEMALE ZOMBIES.
SHAUN
Pretty close.
LIZ looks back to the glazed BARBARA, concerned.
LIZ
Is your Mum going to be okay?
SHAUN
I hope so. Did you manage to
contact your folks?
LIZ
They’re in Antigua.
SHAUN
D’you think it’s happening there?
LIZ
I hope not.
SHAUN
Look Liz...about last night. I know
a lot of things were said, but I
just wanted you to know that-
LIZ
Shaun, you said this wasn’t about
you and me.
SHAUN
It’s not. I just wanted-
LIZ
You said it was about survival.
SHAUN
It is-
79.
LIZ
You’re not doing all this just to
prove something are you?
SHAUN
No-
LIZ
Because, I meant everything I said
last night. Nothing’s changed-
A SCREAM in the distance is answered by a chorus of distant
and not so distant moans which seem to surround them.
LIZ (CONT’D)
Maybe this isn’t the best time to
talk about it.
SHAUN
I know, I know, I just-
BANG. SHAUN walks right into-
YVONNE
Ohmigod, Shaun!
SHAUN
Yvonne?
YVONNE is heading in the opposite direction with an uncannily
similar bunch of FRIENDS and FAMILY.
YVONNE
How you doing?
SHAUN
Uh...surviving.
YVONNE
Hey Liz. Long time no see.
LIZ
Hey Yvonne. Haven’t seen you
since...
YVONNE replies with her dance again, then turns to her party.
YVONNE
Sorry, this is my boyfriend Declan.
That’s my Dad, my friends Mark and
Maggie, my cousin Tom.
Everyone mumbles a respective ‘hello’.
80.
YVONNE (CONT’D)
This is Shaun and his girlfriend
Liz-
DAVID
They’ve broken up.
YVONNE
Oh really...?
LIZ
Yeah...
SHAUN looks at the ground. YVONNE looks awkward.
YVONNE
That’s a shame...Well we should
skoot. Have you got somewhere
you’re going?
SHAUN
Yeah, we’re heading to the
Winchester.
YVONNE
The pub?
SHAUN
Yeah.
YVONNE
Right, well. Good luck.
SHAUN
You too.
YVONNE and SHAUN hug. This time it’s real and affectionate.
The two groups move their separate ways. There is a weird
poignancy to this passing...before YVONNE calls out.
YVONNE
Shaun?
YVONNE points in a completely different direction.
YVONNE (CONT’D)
Isn’t the Winchester that way?