Back to the future

Genres: Sci-Fi, Comedy, Teen, Adventure, Drama, Coming-of-Age, Science Fiction, Action, Romance



Summary The movie follows Marty, a high school student who gets detention but desperately wants to make it to an important band audition. He devises a plan to escape detention but chaos ensues. Marty manages to arrive just in time for his audition but is abruptly cut off by the dance committee. Marty's family discusses his detention and upcoming audition during dinner, and he witnesses a time travel experiment with Dr. Brown. Marty is chased by terrorists in a DeLorean time machine and ends up in 1955. He tries to find a way back to his own time while ensuring his parents meet and fall in love. With the help of Dr. Brown, Marty ultimately succeeds in bringing his parents together and securing his existence. The movie ends with Marty attending the school dance and realizing that his actions have changed the future. In the second part of the movie, tension arises when Doc hesitates to accept a letter from the future. Marty realizes his actions have changed the future and convinces a band to continue playing so his parents can fall in love. Marty witnesses Doc being shot but discovers he survived. They leave in the DeLorean as police sirens approach. Marty returns home to find his family's lives drastically changed. Lastly, Marty and Doc travel to the future to fix a problem with Marty's kids, despite his reluctance to leave his new girlfriend. They blast off in the DeLorean and disappear.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The overall story of the screenplay is engaging and keeps the audience invested. The plot is well-developed and follows a clear structure. The introduction of conflict and obstacles for the protagonist adds tension and creates a compelling narrative. The scenes are well-described and provide a good visual image for the reader. The dialogue between the characters is natural and helps reveal their personalities and motivations. The use of various locations adds depth to the story. The introduction of time travel in the later scenes adds an exciting element to the plot.

Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, consider adding more character development for Marty and exploring his internal struggles and motivations. This will help the audience connect with the protagonist on a deeper level. Additionally, further develop the relationship between Marty and his bandmates to enhance the emotional stakes of his audition. Consider adding more specific details about the band audition to make it more impactful. Lastly, consider adding more scenes that highlight Marty's journey and growth throughout the story.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here



Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
  • The scene effectively introduces the main character and establishes his conflict with authority. The dialogue and characterization of Mr. Strickland adds humor to the scene.
  • The scene effectively builds tension with Marty's plan and the chaotic escape. The humor is well-executed and adds to the light-hearted tone of the scene. The pacing is also strong.
  • The scene introduces a clear conflict for the main character and has moments of humor and action.
  • The scene has a good mix of humor and action, with Marty's plan going wrong and the chaos that ensues.
  • The scene effectively captures Marty's determination and desperation to make it to his band audition. It also has comedic moments, particularly during Marty's escape and the interaction with Mr. Strickland.
Scene Weaknesses
  • The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling and a stronger sense of stakes.
  • The dialogue could be more impactful and memorable. The theme could be further developed and explored.
  • Some of the dialogue feels exposition-heavy and the terrorist chase may feel cliched to some viewers.
  • Lack of significant conflict or dramatic tension.
  • The scene lacks high stakes and significant character changes. The flirting between Marty and Lorraine feels somewhat forced.
Suggestions
  • Enhance visual storytelling elements to make the scene more engaging and impactful.
  • Refine the dialogue to be more impactful and memorable. Further develop and explore the theme.
  • Find alternative ways to convey information without relying too much on exposition.
  • Introduce conflicts or tension to create a more engaging and dynamic scene.
  • Focus on creating high stakes and significant character changes to increase emotional impact.

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
External Goal 8.45  91 Silence of the lambs: 8.44 Back to the future: 8.45
Overall 8.6  90 Birdman: 8.5 Titanic: 8.6
Plot 8.5  88 Breaking bad: 8.4 the dark knight rises: 8.5
Structure 8.61  87 Lucifer: 8.59 Back to the future: 8.61
Pacing 8.61  78 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 8.54 Back to the future: 8.61
Story Forward 8.3  77 Breaking bad, episode 306: 8.2 Black panther: 8.3
Formatting 9.13  76 The Wizard of oz: 9.10 Back to the future: 9.13
Engagement 8.77  76 Everything Everywhere All at Once: 8.76 Back to the future: 8.77
Internal Goal 8.26  68 Pinocchio: 8.22 Back to the future: 8.26
Concept 7.9  61 The usual suspects: 7.8 Titanic: 7.9
High Stakes 7.4  58 Suits: 7.3 Labyrinth : 7.4
Originality 6.74  55 The Wolf of Wall Street: 6.73 Back to the future: 6.74
Character Changes 5.9  47 Community: 5.8 Breaking Bad: 5.9
Conflict Level 7.3  36 The whale: 7.2 heathers : 7.3
Characters 8.0  29 Hors de prix: 7.9 Donnie Darko: 8.0
Emotional Impact 6.6  17 Arsenic and old lace : 6.4 the Shining: 6.6
Dialogue 7.1  12 Severance: 7.0 Die hard: 7.1



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 Detention "Light-hearted" 9 8 78 8 498705706 788109
2 Marty's Detention and Audition "Light-hearted" 10 8 96 10 488809907 79988
3 Detention Escape "Light-hearted" 9 9 85 8 686706907 778108
4 Marty's Plan Gone Wrong "light-hearted" 8 7 86 7 688908806 69989
5 Detention Escape "humorous, emotional" 8 8 97 7 689908807 799108
6 The McFly Family Dinner "Light-hearted" 8 7 80 7 500504706 70000
7 The Time Machine Test "Exciting" 8 9 89 7 4810509706 6981010
8 Time Travel Test "Exciting" 9 8 106 8 778809908 79998
9 Chase and Time Travel "Tense" 9 8 97 7 6889010907 699109
10 Marty Travels to 1955 "Suspenseful" 9 9 98 8 778908908 79988
11 Marty searches for Dr. Brown "Light-hearted" 8 8 70 8 400404605 70000
12 Encounter with Biff "light-hearted" 8 9 77 9 798807806 89889
13 Marty Meets Lorraine "Light-hearted" 8 7 88 9 498505706 79988
14 Dinner at the Baines' House "Light-hearted, comedic" 9 8 99 9 498503706 88101010
15 Doc Brown's Invention "Light-hearted, comedic" 9 8 99 7 61010606904 8109108
16 Discovering the Power Source "Exciting" 9 9 88 9 789608907 8108109
17 Repairing the Damage "Light-hearted" 8 7 94 7 489607905 88899
18 George's Creative Struggle "Light-hearted" 9 8 97 9 787706808 889109
19 Bringing George Out of His Shell "Light-hearted, adventurous" 9 8 96 9 888707907 79899
20 George's Awkward Ask "Light-hearted" 8 7 86 8 478706906 79898
21 Skateboard Escape "Exciting" 8 9 86 7 5881009907 79988
22 Preparing for the Lightning "Exciting" 8 9 87 7 699708806 799108
23 Preparing for the Dance "Light-hearted" 7 6 76 8 888708706 697109
24 Preparing for the Dance "Light-hearted" 9 8 89 7 389409705 69998
25 Pre-Dance Jitters "Nervous" 8 7 87 9 589705806 79988
26 Marty's Rescue "Tense" 9 8 96 10 991010010909 89987
27 George Stands Up "Tense, exciting" 9 8 98 7 101010909908 79101010
28 Enchantment Under The Sea Dance "Light-hearted" 9 8 90 9 800807907 70000
29 The Final Showdown "tense" 8 7 99 8 689809907 79989
30 Race Against Time "Tense" 9 8 97 7 6899010907 68899
31 Race Against Time "Exciting" 9 8 96 7 689809907 710998
32 Saving Doc Brown "Tense" 9 8 94 8 78910010908 7991010
33 Homecoming Surprise "Light-hearted" 8 7 84 8 698504706 77898
34 Back to the Future "Exciting, Romantic, Humorous" 10 9 104 9 7878091007 98799


Scene 1 - Detention
BACK TO THE FUTURE


Written by

Robert Zemeckis & Bob Gale




FOURTH DRAFT
Revised 10-12-84
with pink revisions
of 10-21-84


(Obviously, the tipped-in pink sheets that are a typical indication of revised pages
or pages containing revisions within a script are not here. Lines and scenes
containing the revisions of 10-21-84 are marked at the end of the line by an
asterisk, as is also shown in the script itself.)
1 INT. HIGH SCHOOL CLASSROOM – DAY 1

A WEIRD FLICKERING WHITE LIGHT strobes the screen, accompanied by
PROJECTOR NOISE and an OFFSCREEN CONTROL VOICE.

CONTROL VOICE
5...4...3...2...1...detonate!

The light becomes brighter as we pan over to

MARTY MCFLY, 17, a good looking kid wearing Porsche mirrored sunglasses. The
mirrored lenses reflect the MUSHROOM CLOUD of an ATOMIC EXPLOSION.

THE RED HOT OPENING MUSIC KICKS IN; MAIN TITLES BEGIN.

Marty starts bopping along to the rock and roll: he*s plugged into a WALKMAN STEREO.

2 We are in a contemporary HIGH SCHOOL CLASSROOM where 30-odd STUDENTS are 2
watching a 16mm documentary about nuclear tests of the 1950*s.

3 SERIES OF SHOTS — MAIN TITLE SEQUENCE 3

BORED STUDENTS watch the black and white movie. Only MARTY is enjoying himself as
he listens to his stereo. MARTY*S FOOT taps in time to the music.

The teacher, MRS. WOODS, 45, looks around the classroom, making sure the students
are paying attention. She has her “Classroom Planner” in hand.

The DOCUMENTARY depicts preparations for another atomic test, noting that as many as
20 were done per year in the 1950*s. Footage shows how tract houses were constructed
and peopled with mannequins to measure the effects of radiation.

MARTY continues bopping along.

MRS. WOODS notices the one head in the classroom bobbing. MARTY*S FOOT continues
tapping in time. Now a PAIR OF WOMAN *S SHOES step into FRAME.

MRS. WOODS is standing next to Marty, arms crossed, staring at him. But Marty is
oblivious to her.

SUZY PARKER, 17, an attractive girl, looks over at the situation in horror.

Mrs. Woods waves her hand in front of Marty*s sunglasses. No reaction.

Suzy turns her head — she can*t bear to watch.

Mrs. Woods gently removes Marty*s sunglasses. His eyes are closed.

Now Marty opens his eyes. He looks up at Mrs. W oods and smiles weakly.

Mrs. Woods does not smile back. She rips the headphones off — the MUSIC abruptly
stops.

MRS. WOODS
Mr. McFly: detention!
CUT TO:

4 INT. STRICKLAND *S OFFICE — DAY 4

CLOSE ON MARTY*S WALKMAN in a pair of ELDERLY MALE HANDS being placed in a
WOODWORKING VISE mounted on the corner of a desk.

WIDER — STRICKLAND *S OFFICE

Marty fidgets uneasily in an uncomfortable wooden chair in the sparse office as MR.
STRICKLAND, a humorless disciplinarian, tightens the vise. Strickland looks 60, but he
could be 160 — he was born old and stayed that way, and has been at this school forever.

Strickland gazes at Marty, then gives the vise a hard, mean wrench. The Walkman
CRUNCHES... it sounds like bones breaking.

Marty cringes.

Strickland smiles sadistically and hands it back to him.

MR. STRICKLAND
That*s number three, isn*t it, McFly?

MARTY
Four.

MR. STRICKLAND
You don*t like school, do you, McFly?

Marty rolls his eyes. Is this question for real?

MARTY
Oh, no. sir. I LOVE school.

MR. STRICKLAND
(snaps at him)
You*ve got a real attitude problem, you know that?
(opens a file on his desk)
You*re a slacker, McFly. You*ve got aptitude, but you don*t apply yourself.
You remind me of your father: He was a slacker, too.

Marty just sits there, bored.

MR. STRICKLAND
Now, for slacking off in class and for having a serious attitude problem, your
punishment is two weeks in detention, with me, starting this afternoon.

MARTY
This afternoon? But I can*t! Me and my band have an audition at 3:45 for
the YMCA dance. It*s really important that I be there — they*re counting on
me. I gotta be there at 3:45.

MR. STRICKLAND
Too bad, McFly. I guess this isn*t your day.
Marty is sick.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Comedy"]

Summary Marty gets detention after being caught listening to music in class. He tries to explain that he has an important audition with his band, but Mr. Strickland doesn't care.
Strengths "The scene effectively introduces the main character and establishes his conflict with authority. The dialogue and characterization of Mr. Strickland adds humor to the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling and a stronger sense of stakes."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 8

The scene has unique details like the use of a nuclear test documentary to set the scene and the incorporation of a Walkman to distinguish Marty from the other students. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and believable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 9

Marty's internal goal is to continue enjoying his music despite the boring surroundings and not get caught by the teacher.

External Goal: 8

Marty's external goal in this scene is to make it to his audition for the YMCA dance at 3:45 PM and not be stuck in detention with Mr. Strickland.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the divide between conformity and rebellion. Marty rebels against the conformity of school and the expectations placed upon him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the humorous and sarcastic dialogue, as well as the relatable feeling of rebellion against authority.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension with the use of cinematic details like Marty's Walkman and Mrs. Wood's entrance, as well as the escalating conflict with Mr. Strickland.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre with proper scene headings and character descriptions.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre: a traditional introduction to the setting, conflict, and character goals.


Critique Overall, the scene sets up the character of Marty McFly as a rebellious and carefree teenager. The use of the opening atomic explosion and rock and roll music helps establish the time period and Marty's interests. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

1. The opening line of the control voice, "5...4...3...2...1...detonate!" feels a bit cliché and could be more creative.

2. The description of Marty's appearance and his mirrored sunglasses could be more succinct. Instead of "a good-looking kid wearing Porsche mirrored sunglasses," it could simply be "Marty McFly, 17, wearing mirrored sunglasses."

3. The main title sequence is described as "bored students watch the black and white movie," but there is no indication of their reactions or emotions. Adding some description of the students' reactions will help add depth to the scene.

4. The dialogue between Mrs. Woods and Marty feels a bit on the nose and could benefit from more subtlety. Their exchange could be more nuanced and less direct.

5. The introduction of Suzy Parker and her reaction to Mrs. Woods could be expanded upon. It's unclear why she reacts in horror and what her relationship is to Marty or Mrs. Woods.

6. The confrontation between Marty and Mr. Strickland feels a bit one-dimensional. Mr. Strickland's lines about Marty being a slacker and having an attitude problem are quite blunt and could be delivered in a more nuanced way.

7. Marty's explanation for why he can't attend detention is rushed and doesn't feel fully convincing. It would be helpful to provide more context or explanation for why the YMCA dance audition is so important to him.

8. The scene could benefit from more visual cues and actions to enhance the visual storytelling. Including actions or reactions from the characters will help bring the scene to life on the screen.

Overall, the scene has potential but could use some refinement in terms of dialogue and character development.
Suggestions Overall, this scene sets up the character of Marty and his relationship with authority figures, such as Mrs. Woods and Mr. Strickland. However, there are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Setting description: Add some description of the classroom to establish the atmosphere and surroundings. This can help transport the reader into the scene.

2. Character introductions: Provide a brief description of Mrs. Woods and Suzy Parker when they are first mentioned. This helps the reader visualize the characters.

3. Action description: Instead of telling the reader that Marty is oblivious to Mrs. Woods, show his obliviousness through his actions or expressions. This can make the scene more dynamic.

4. Dialogue: Make Marty's dialogue more assertive when he defends himself against Mr. Strickland's accusations. This can show his determination and resilience.

5. Visual cues: Add visual cues for Marty's reaction when Mr. Strickland breaks his Walkman. This can enhance the emotional impact of the scene.

6. Emotional stakes: Highlight the importance of the audition for Marty and his band. This can add tension and give more context to Marty's distress over being in detention.

By implementing these suggestions, you can enhance the clarity, emotion, and visual impact of the scene.



Scene 2 - Marty's Detention and Audition
5 INT. DETENTION CLASSROOM — ON A WALL CLOCK — DAY 5
It*s 3:28.

WIDER
A regular math classroom used as detention after hours. Again, we see signs of an old *
school dressed to be more modern: green chalkboards, repainted walls, new desks, and a
sprinkler system.

8 or 10 STUDENTS are seated far apart from each other throughout the room. All are
supposedly studying. One of them has a SKATEBOARD along with his books.

MARTY is at the pencil sharpener in the back, sharpening a pencil...but the look on his
face indicates he*s up to something. He looks at the clock, looks up at the SPRINKLER
PIPE, then glances toward the front of the room.

MR. STRICKLAND sits at the teacher*s desk, grading a LARGE STACK OF PAPERS.

Marty finishes at the sharpener. He sticks a PIECE OF GUM in his mouth and starts
chewing like mad. Then he steps alongside the CAROUSEL SLIDE PROJECTOR and
surreptitiously sneaks the lens into his jacket pocket. He quickly returns to his seat.

Now, Strickland stands up and starts toward Marty! Did he see Marty swipe the lens? No,
he*s merely “patrolling” the room.

When Strickland isn*t looking, Marty produces a matchbook and a rubber band from the
pencil pouch of his loose leaf binder. He opens the matchbook cover and sticks his gum to
the backside.

He waits for Strickland to walk past him, then quickly, Marty stands and, using the rubber
band, fires the matchbook at the ceiling.

Strickland whirls around upon hearing the snap, but Marty is already seated, “studying.”
Strickland looks around suspiciously, but sees nothing. He continues along.

Marty glances up: The gum is holding the matchbook on the ceiling, right near the sprinkler
valve. He smiles.

Now Marty sets his mirrored sunglasses on his leg positioning them to reflect the rays of
the sun up at the matchbook.

That done, he pulls the lens out of his pocket and focuses the beam onto the matchbook.
He adjusts the lens ever so slightly... there! Perfect! A hot white pinpoint of light is focused
on the matchbook.

MR. STRICKLAND returns to his paper grading. He marks an entire set of answers wrong
and puts “F” at the top of a paper. The next paper has two right. Strickland gives it an “F+.”

MARTY continues holding the lens as steady as he can, watching anxiously for results.

ABOVE there is a faint trace of SMOKE on the matchbook.
THE CLOCK now reads 3:37.

STRICKLAND grades his LAST PAPER, THEN STANDS UP AND STARTS PULLING
DOWN THE W INDOW SHADES!

MARTY is horrified! Strickland is 3 shades away from Marty*s window. Marty looks
anxiously up at the matchbook.

MARTY
(under his breath)
Come on, come on...!

Strickland pulls down the next shade.

There is more smoke from the matchbook...

MARTY
Burn, you sucker...!

Strickland pulls down another shade. The next one is Marty*s...

Strickland steps toward it...

Suddenly the matchbook ignites! FIRE!

Immediately the FIRE ALARM SOUNDS and the SPRINKLERS GO OFF!

MARTY
FIRE!!!

Students jump up and scream as water sprays all over them! They rush for the door.
MARTY grabs the kid with the skateboard, named W EEZE.

MARTY
Weeze — let me borrow this! I*ll bring it back tomorrow!

Marty takes the skateboard and dashes out.

MR. STRICKLAND
Stop! Wait! We must file out in an orderly fashion!

Another sprinkler goes off and sprays Strickland right in the face!

6 EXT. HILL VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL — DAY 6

It*s a classic WPA style high school, built in the 1930*s. Marty dashes out, jumps on the
skateboard, and skateboards down the front steps!

7 EXT. HILLY RESIDENTIAL STREET — DAY 7

Marty comes from around the corner, skateboards down a hill, weaving through traffic. He
skateboards like a champ.

8 EXT. STREET — TOW N SQUARE — DAY 8
This is HILL VALLEY, a northern California town; it *s October. The town has been here a
while — and its town square business district is beginning to deteriorate... undoubtedly
because there*s a mall someplace.

The old courthouse, now the Department of Social Services, has a clock tower — but the
clock is stopped at 10:02.

A time and temperature clock on the BANK reads 3:43.
MARTY skateboards down the business street and across traffic, narrowly missing being
hit by a car!

9 INT. YMCA — STAGE — DAY 9

3 MEMBERS of the PINHEADS rock band, KEYBOARDS, BASS and DRUMS, exchange
nervous glances, repeatedly checking their watches. They*re all set up on stage.

SUZY PARKER is also here — but she*s not part of the band. *

Suddenly, Marty skateboards onto the stage. *

SUZY
Marty!

Marty gives her a wink; she smiles.

Marty*s guitar, amp and microphone have already been set up for him. He picks up the
guitar and tunes up, then looks over at Suzy.

Suzy smiles and holds up her crossed fingers. Marty grins back. Clearly, they*re “an item.”

Marty practices a riff...and he*s great. You can*t tell where the guitar ends and the man
begins. He turns and addresses the dance committee.

MARTY
All right, we*re the Pinheads, and we*re gonna rock ‘n roll!

They kick into a red hot number. Marty*s fingers dance across the strings and frets in a
complicated lead line. He*s terrific, and the band sounds great.

They get only about 25 seconds into the number when a VOICE calls out.

DANCE COMMITTEEMAN
That*s enough. Thank you.

Marty and the group stop playing, exchanging bewildered glances.
*
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy"]

Summary Marty gets detention after being caught listening to music in class. He tries to explain that he has an important audition with his band, but Mr. Strickland doesn't care. In detention, Marty devises a plan to set off the fire alarm to escape and make it to his audition. However, things go wrong when the fire alarm causes the sprinklers to go off and everyone to panic. Marty quickly grabs a skateboard and escapes, making his way to the audition location. He arrives just in time to perform a great guitar solo, but is abruptly cut off by the dance committee.
Strengths "The scene effectively builds tension with Marty's plan and the chaotic escape. The humor is well-executed and adds to the light-hearted tone of the scene. The pacing is also strong."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and memorable. The theme could be further developed and explored."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 10


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 6

The scene is not particularly original, and it relies on a common trope of a student causing mischief in detention. However, the use of the sun's reflection and the matchbook to set off the sprinklers is a unique twist.


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 8

Marty's internal goal is to set off the sprinklers in the detention classroom, which is an act of rebellion and mischief.

External Goal: 8

Marty's external goal is to set off the sprinklers in the detention classroom by using a matchbook and the light from the sun reflecting off his mirrored sunglasses.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no philosophical conflict evident in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, unexpected twist, and humorous tone.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well done, with a buildup of tension as Marty awaits the sprinklers to go off and a sudden release of action when they do.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre of a school-themed comedy.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre of a school-themed comedy.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively establishes the setting and characters. The descriptions provide clear visuals for the reader and set the tone for the scene. The actions and dialogue flow smoothly and allow the reader to follow the events that unfold.

The scene effectively builds tension as Marty sets up his prank, and the suspense is maintained until the climax when the fire alarm is triggered. The use of the clock and the countdown of time adds to the sense of urgency.

The scene also introduces the character dynamics between Marty and Mr. Strickland, as well as Marty and Suzy. Marty's wit and resourcefulness are showcased through his actions, and his relationship with Suzy adds an additional layer of storytelling.

The only potential improvement could be to provide a bit more depth to the characters. While their actions and motivations are clear, a deeper exploration of their personalities and backgrounds could further engage the audience.

Overall, this scene effectively sets up the story and engages the reader, keeping them interested in what will happen next.
Suggestions Below are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual description: Provide more detailed descriptions of the characters, their actions, and the setting to help paint a clearer picture for the reader. For example, describe Marty's appearance, the expressions on the students' faces, and the specific actions of Mr. Strickland.

2. Develop Marty's motivation: Clarify why Marty is trying to create a distraction in the classroom. Is it because he wants to escape detention or accomplish something else? Adding this information will make his actions more meaningful and purposeful.

3. Increase tension and suspense: Use language and sentence structure to build anticipation and tension throughout the scene. For example, describe Marty's actions with more urgency and use shorter, snappier sentences during key moments of the scene.

4. Enhance character dynamics: Include more interactions between Marty and the other students to show their relationships and establish distinct personalities for each of them. This will make the scene more engaging and add depth to the characters.

5. Show consequences: After Marty sets off the fire alarm and sprinklers, include a short moment to show the aftermath of his actions. This could involve Marty getting in trouble, students reacting to the chaos, or Mr. Strickland's response. It will add a sense of consequence to the scene.

6. Clarify Marty's escape: Describe in more detail how Marty escapes the classroom and why he chooses to take the skateboard from Weeze. This will provide a smoother transition from the classroom to the next scene.



Scene 3 - Detention Escape
10 EXT. TOWN SQUARE — DAY 10

On some of the boarded up buildings are ELECTION POSTERS: “RE-ELECT MAYOR
‘GOLDIE* WILSON: HONESTY, DECENCY, INTEGRITY” and a picture of the incumbent.
Mayor Wilson is black, about 45, with a GOLD FRONT TOOTH.

MARTY and SUZY are walking together. She carries her schoolbooks: he has the
skateboard. And he*s depressed.

SUZY
Marty, one rejection isn*t the end of the world.

MARTY
I don*t know. Maybe I*m just not cut out for music.

SUZY
But you*re good, Marty. You*re really good. And this audition tape of yours *
is great... (she gives him back a CASSETTE TAPE) You*ve got to send it in *
to that record company. *

MARTY
But what if they hate it? What if they say, “get outta here, kid, you got no
future?” Why should I put myself through all that anxiety? (He sighs.) I*m
sorry. I guess I sound like some kinda schizoid neurotic.

SUZY
Well, according to my shrink, all of our emotional anxieties are a direct result
of the influence our parents had in our childhood.

MARTY
In that case, you can kiss me off right now. You*ve met my old man. You
know what a zero he is.

Suzy nods knowingly. They are walking past a TOYOTA DEALERSHIP. *

SUZY
At least he*s letting you borrow the car tomorrow night. That*s a step in the
right direction.

MARTY
Hey, I*m TAKING the car tomorrow night. That way it saves him the anxiety
of making a decision.

Marty spots a tricked-out black SUPRA in the showroom. *

MARTY
Hey, check out that tricked-out Supra. Now THAT *S a car. (sighs, admiring it *
longingly) Someday, Suzy, someday... *

SUZY
What about your mother? Does she know?

MARTY
Are you kidding? She thinks I*m going camping with the guys. If she found
out I was going camping with you, she*d shit.

Marty sprays some BINACA in his mouth.

SUZY
(nods knowingly)
My shrink says a lot of parents are sexually repressed.
MARTY
My mom*s not sexually repressed. How can you be repressed about
something you know absolutely nothing about?

They pause across from the former courthouse building.

SUZY
(flirting)
She*s just trying to keep you respectable.

MARTY
(flirting back)
She*s not doing a very good job, is she?

They move closer...

SUZY
Terrible...

They*re about to kiss...

CLOCK WOMAN (O.S.)
Save the Clock Tower!

Marty and Suzy turn. A middle-aged CHURCH GROUP TYPE WOMAN has a donation can
and an armful of printed FLYERS.

CLOCK WOMAN
Please make a donation to save the clock tower.

MARTY
Lady, can*t you see I*m busy here?

CLOCK WOMAN
Mayor Wilson is sponsoring an initiative to repair that clock...

She points to the stopped clock on the old courthouse building.

CLOCK WOMAN
(continuing)
We at the Hill Valley Preservation Society think it should be preserved
exactly the way it is.

MARTY
But it doesn*t tell time. What good is it?

CLOCK WOMAN
It*s part of our history. Here — it *s all in this flyer. (gives Marty one) 30
years ago, lightning struck that clock tower, and the clock hasn’t run since.
We at the society feel it *s a landmark of scientific importance, attesting to
the power of the Almighty.

MARTY
All right, lady. Here*s a quarter.
Marty drops a quarter into her can.

She nods and moves along to bother someone else.

MARTY
(to Suzy)
Now... you were saying that my mother wasn*t doing a very good job...

They move closer again as before, about to kiss...

Suddenly, a MALE VOICE booms out over a P.A.

SPEAKER VOICE (O.S.)
Marty! Marty McFly!

Marty turns.

A medium sized RV with speakers mounted on the side is idling across the street. The
vehicle is quite used. It*s towing a tarped vehicle on a trailer.

Marty recognizes it, and rolls his eyes.

MARTY
Doc, I*m busy.

DRIVER
It*ll only take a minute...

MARTY
(to Suzy)
Come on, you should see what*s inside this thing.

They go over and step inside.
Genres: ["Comedy","Teen"]

Summary Marty gets detention after being caught listening to music in class. He tries to explain that he has an important audition with his band, but Mr. Strickland doesn't care. In detention, Marty devises a plan to set off the fire alarm to escape and make it to his audition. However, things go wrong when the fire alarm causes the sprinklers to go off and everyone to panic. Marty quickly grabs a skateboard and escapes, making his way to the audition location. He arrives just in time to perform a great guitar solo, but is abruptly cut off by the dance committee.
Strengths "The scene introduces a clear conflict for the main character and has moments of humor and action."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be stronger and the theme could be more developed."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 5

The scene doesn't have many unique situations, but the characters feel authentic. Marty's self-doubt is a theme that is explored as the story progresses.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 8

Marty's internal goal is dealing with rejection and self-doubt regarding his musical ability.

External Goal: 6

Marty's external goal is borrowing his father's car for a date with Suzy.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 7

The scene is engaging because of the flirtatious interactions between the characters and the introduction of Doc's RV.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building up to the introduction of the RV and its importance in the plot later on.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure of a romantic comedy with an emphasis on character interactions.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively establishes the setting and characters. Here are some specific critiques:

1. The scene lacks visual descriptions. While it does provide some information about the town square and the boarded up buildings, there could be more specific details to enhance the visual aspect of the scene. This would help create a more vivid and immersive experience for the audience.

2. Some of the dialogue feels a bit on the nose and forced. For example, Marty saying "I guess I sound like some kinda schizoid neurotic" and Suzy's response about emotional anxieties being a result of parents' influence. It might be more effective to find more subtle and organic ways to convey these ideas.

3. The exchange about Marty's mother trying to keep him respectable and him flirting back feels slightly out of place and disconnected from the rest of the scene. While it adds a touch of humor, it could be more seamlessly integrated or considered for removal to maintain the focus of the scene.

4. The appearance of the CLOCK WOMAN and the subsequent interaction with Marty and Suzy takes away from the momentum and establishes a tangent that doesn't seem relevant to the main plot. Consider either removing this interaction or finding a way to connect it more directly to the story.

5. The introduction of Doc and the RV feels slightly abrupt and random. It may benefit from a smoother transition or a clearer establishment of the characters' relationship prior to this introduction.

Overall, the scene could benefit from tighter cohesion and a clearer focus on the main objective or conflict. Additionally, adding more visual descriptions and tightening up some of the dialogue would enhance the overall quality of the scene.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the location: Specify the name of the town square or provide any relevant details to help visualize the setting better.

2. Character descriptions: Expand on the physical descriptions of Marty and Suzy to give a clearer picture of their appearances and ages.

3. Show, don't tell emotions: Instead of stating Marty is depressed, show his mood through his actions and dialogue. For example, he could have a slumped posture, lack of enthusiasm in his voice, or express his disappointment more vividly.

4. Dialogue tightening: Consider tightening and refining the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Trim unnecessary lines and repetitions to keep the scene moving smoothly.

5. Visual descriptions: Add more visual details to enhance the reader's experience. For example, describe the atmosphere of the town square or provide more specific details about the boarded-up buildings and election posters.

6. Character development: Explore Marty and Suzy's relationship further by depicting their dynamics and chemistry through subtext and gestures rather than relying solely on dialogue.

7. Conflict and stakes: Introduce more conflict or stakes in the scene that connect to the overall story. For example, instead of just discussing Marty's rejection and anxiety, consider incorporating elements that tie into his larger goal or desire.

8. Tone and humor: Depending on the genre or tone of the film, consider injecting humor or adding elements that reflect the overall tone of the script. This can help engage the audience and make the scene more memorable.

9. Smooth transitions: Make the transition from the Clock Woman interrupting their conversation to Marty and Suzy moving closer again more seamless. This will avoid any abrupt shifts in the scene's flow and keep the momentum going.

10. Visual cues: Use visual cues to guide the reader's imagination and enhance the emotional impact of the scene. For instance, describe the characters' body language or facial expressions to convey their thoughts and feelings more effectively.

Remember, these suggestions are subjective, and ultimately, it's up to the writer's vision and storytelling style to determine the final version of the scene.



Scene 4 - Marty's Plan Gone Wrong
11 INT. RV — TOWN SQUARE — DAY 11

The driver is DR. EMMETT BROWN, about 65. He looks like an old hippie, with shoulder
length white hair, Hawaiian shirt, faded jeans, an Indian turquoise around his neck and
lively — almost wild — eyes. He*s full of energy, full of life, talks f ast, and is immediately
likable for his eccentricities.

With him in the RV is his big DOG, “EINSTEIN.”

The inside of the vehicle is full of CLOCKS — every imaginable type, a Cuckoo, a
Grandfather, even a classic “Felix the Cat with moving eyes”. All of them are in dead sync.
There is also a bank of state-of-the-art component video and audio equipment. The 25-inch
monitor is tuned to MTV. There are discarded fast food cartons, and a spilled box of sugar
coated cereal, an unmade bed, a doggie dish, and tools and electronic parts. We might
also notice a lead canister with purple radiation symbols.

MARTY
What *s up, Doc?

BROWN
One a.m., right, Marty? You*re gonna be there, right? Twin Pines Mall. *
MARTY
Yeah, right.

Brown takes the “Save the Clock” flyer out of Marty*s hand.

BROWN
Let me write it down for you so you don*t forget... (writes on the back) “Twin *
Pines Mall... one a.m.” Twin Pines Mall — remember when that used to be *
Peabody*s farm? It was all farmland out there. No — I guess that was *
before your time, Marty. *

He folds the flyer and sticks it in Marty*s pocket.

BROWN
(continuing)
You*re feeling all right, Marty? You*ve been getting plenty of rest?

MARTY
Yeah, but Doc, exactly what are we gonna do at one a.m.?

BROWN
You want me to spoil it for you? Don*t worry about it — it*ll be great.

MARTY
You*re not planning on breaking into another power plant or something...?
That was kinda risky.

BROWN
That*s the point, Marty. Risk. Risk makes life worth living. What would you
rather do, sleep?

Brown checks one of the 4 watches on his arm.

BROWN
(sudden urgency)
It*s almost time — quiet!

Suzy gives Marty a bewildered look, but Marty knows what’s about to happen...

It*s exactly 4 o*clock, and all of the clocks CHIME at once — dings, dongs, electronic
tones, cuckoo birds...

Brown loves it — he drinks it up like a proud father.

BROWN
I love that!

MARTY
Look, Doc, we*ve gotta go. I*ll...see you tonight.

BROWN
Yes! At one a.m.! It could change your life.

Marty and Suzy step out of the RV.
12 EXT. STREET — TOW N SQUARE — DAY 12

Marty and Suzy watch the RV go.

SUZY
I don*t know if you should be hanging out with a guy like that after midnight.

MARTY
Doc Brown *s all right — he*s just a little hung up on time. A couple of years *
ago, he showed up at my house and hired me to sweep out this garage of
his. He pays me 50 bucks a week, gives me free beer... and gives me total
access to his record collection — he*s got this great old record collection.
(a beat)
Hard to believe he was one of the world*s greatest nuclear physicists. *

Down the street, Brown*s RV waits for an ELDERLY MAN to hobble across the street.
Brown *s voice booms out over his P .A.

BROWN (V.O. P.A.)
Let*s move it, Gramps! You*re not that old!

Suzy gives Marty a look of disbelief.

MARTY
(shrugs)
Too much radiation, I guess.
(a beat, moves closer to her)
Where were we?

She smiles and moves toward him.

SUZY
I think we were right here...

Again they*re about to kiss...

A CAR HORN HONKS LOUDLY. Suzy turns away.

SUZY
That*s my Dad. See you tomorrow.

She hops into the waiting car. Marty watches it go.

MARTY
This is not my day.

13 OMITTED
13*
Genres: ["comedy","adventure","sci-fi"]

Summary Marty gets detention for listening to music in class, but tries to explain that he has an important audition with his band. In detention, he devises a plan to set off the fire alarm to escape and make it to his audition. However, things go wrong when the sprinklers go off and everyone panics. Marty escapes and arrives just in time for his guitar solo at the audition, but is abruptly cut off by the dance committee.
Strengths "The scene has a good mix of humor and action, with Marty's plan going wrong and the chaos that ensues."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be improved to make it more engaging and memorable."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the characters and setting are not unique, the focus on eccentricity and the use of clocks as a motif adds a fresh twist to the familiar tropes of a buddy comedy. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the believability and humor of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 8

Marty's internal goal in this scene is to understand what Doc Brown plans to do at one a.m. and to make sure that he doesn't get into trouble. This reflects his need for order and stability amidst the chaos of Doc's unpredictable behavior.

External Goal: 8

Marty's external goal in this scene is to make sure he doesn't forget to meet Doc Brown at Twin Pines Mall at one a.m. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in balancing his desire for adventure with the need to stay organized and responsible.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is that Doc Brown values risk-taking and living life to the fullest, while Marty values safety, stability, and planning ahead. This challenges Marty's beliefs and values and forces him to confront the ways in which he may be holding himself back from experiencing life fully.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces the dynamic between Marty and Doc Brown, sets up the plot for the rest of the film, and showcases the writer's unique voice and sense of humor.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is strong, with a clear sense of momentum and tension building towards the cliffhanger ending. The use of clocks as a motif helps to maintain a sense of urgency and forward motion.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and well-organized action and dialogue descriptions.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear introduction of the setting and characters, a focus on dialogue and character interactions, and a sense of building tension leading to a cliffhanger ending.


Critique Overall, this scene effectively introduces the character of Dr. Emmett Brown and his eccentricities. The description of his appearance and personality paint a clear picture of who he is, and his dialogue reinforces his energetic and quirky nature. The inclusion of the clocks inside the RV adds to his obsession with time, and the mention of the lead canister with radiation symbols hints at his involvement in some kind of experiment.

The conversation between Marty and Doc Brown also helps establish their relationship and hints at their upcoming adventure. The interaction between them feels natural and gives a sense of their dynamic.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved in this scene. The description could be more concise, as there is excessive detail about the inside of the RV that may not be necessary to convey the atmosphere. Additionally, there could be more visual cues or actions to enhance the storytelling, rather than relying solely on dialogue. For example, showing Marty's reaction to the clocks chiming or Doc Brown's enthusiasm could make the scene more visually engaging.

Overall, this scene effectively introduces the characters and their dynamic while setting up the upcoming events. With some minor adjustments, it would make for a strong opening to a screenplay.
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more visual cues to help the audience understand the character of Doc Brown. Instead of just describing his appearance and personality through dialogue, show the audience some of his eccentric behavior or habits. For example, have him interact with one of the clocks in a unique way or show him tinkering with his electronic equipment. This will visually convey his quirkiness and add depth to his characterization.

Additionally, consider adding some conflict or tension to the scene. Right now, it is mostly a conversation between Marty and Doc Brown. To make the scene more engaging, introduce some sort of obstacle or challenge for the characters to overcome. This could be a small disagreement or a problem that requires their immediate attention. This will add energy and forward momentum to the scene.

Lastly, consider tightening up the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful. Some of the dialogue exchanges feel a bit wordy or repetitive. Streamlining the dialogue can help maintain the pace of the scene and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 5 - Detention Escape
14 EXT. MCFLY HOUSE — DUSK
14
A WRECKER is in the McFly driveway with a 1979 Plymouth Reliant in tow: its front end is
completely smashed, as if someone rammed it into a brick wall. The truck driver is
unhitching it.

Looking on with horror is timid GEORGE McFLY, 47, a balding, boring, uninspired man
who wears a suit he bought at Sears 4 years ago.

Next to him is BIFF TANNEN, 48, an intimidating lout, who wears gold chains and pinky
rings, with sartorial taste to match.

MARTY skateboards up to the scene and is shocked. He listens as Biff lambasts his father.

BIFF
I can*t believe you did this, McFly. I can*t believe you loaned me your car
without telling me it had a blind spot. I could have been killed!

GEORGE
Biff, I never noticed any blind spot before.

BIFF
It*s there, McFly. How else can you explain this?

GEORGE
Can I assume that your insurance will pay for this?

BIFF

My insurance? It’s your car. Your insurance should pay for it. I wanna know
who*s gonna pay for THIS! (indicates his stained suit) I spilled beer all over
it when that car hit me. Who *s gonna pay the cleaning bill?

George hesitates, then meekly pulls out his wallet.

GEORGE
Do you think 20 dollars will cover it?

Biff snatches the 20 dollar bill out of George*s hand.

BIFF
It*s a start. And hey... where*s my reports?

GEORGE
Well, I haven*t finished them yet. I figured since they weren*t due till
Monday...

BIFF
(knocks on George*s head)
Hello? Anybody home? Think, McFly, think! I*ve gotta have time to get ‘em
retyped. If I turn in my reports in your handwriting, I*ll get fired.

GEORGE
Okay, I*ll finish them tonight and run them over first thing in the morning.

BIFF
Not too early — I sleep in on Saturday.
(about to leave)
Oh, hey, McFly: your shoe*s untied.
GEORGE
(falling for it)
Huh?

He looks down and Biff hits him on the chin. Biff laug hs loudly.

BIFF
Don’t be so gullible, McFly!

Biff walks over to his sparkling year old CADILLAC on the street. He spots Marty.

BIFF
Hiya, kid. How do you like my new paint job?

Marty doesn*t. He steps over to his father, outraged. He *s about to say something, but
George raises his hands and cuts him off.

GEORGE
I know what you*re going to say, son, and you*re right. You*re right. But he
happens to be my supervisor, and I*m afraid I*m just not very good at
confrontations.

MARTY
But Jesus Christ, Dad, look at the car! Look what he did to the car!

GEORGE
I know. And I know you were counting on using it, and I*m sorry.

MARTY
Do you have any idea how important this was to me, Dad? Do you have any
idea at all?

GEORGE
(shrugs)
Well... I guess I don*t...

Biff screeches out in his Cadillac.

MARTY
Dad, did it ever occur to you to say “no?” To just once try saying “no?”

GEORGE
Son, I know it*s hard for you to understand, but the fact is, I*m just not a
fighter.

MARTY
Try it once, Dad. Just one time, say “no.”

Now the NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR sticks his head out the window of the adjacent house.
He*s 40, pot-bellied, named HOWARD.

HOWARD
Hey, McFly! My kid*s selling Girl Scout cookies! I told her you*d be good for
a case.
Marty shakes his head. George gulps, then calls back. *

GEORGE
Well... okay.

Marty shakes his head hopelessly.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["comedy","drama","coming-of-age"]

Summary Marty gets detention for listening to music in class. In detention, he plans to set off the fire alarm to escape and make it to his band audition. However, things go wrong and the sprinklers go off, causing chaos. Marty manages to escape and arrives just in time for his guitar solo at the audition, but is abruptly cut off by the dance committee.
Strengths "The scene effectively captures Marty's determination and desperation to make it to his band audition. It also has comedic moments, particularly during Marty's escape and the interaction with Mr. Strickland."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from further developing Mr. Strickland's character and exploring Marty's emotions and internal struggle more deeply."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 7

While the scene has familiar elements of a suburban setting and conflicts between characters, the unique voice of the writer and the specific circumstances of the car accident help to add freshness and authenticity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 8

Marty's internal goal is to have his father stand up for himself and say no to Biff. This reflects his desire for his father to be more assertive and independent.

External Goal: 9

Marty's external goal is to confront his father about the ruined car and try to convince him to stand up to Biff. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing regarding the car accident and his desire to have his father take responsibility and be more assertive.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The conflict evident in this scene is the clash between confrontation and submission. Marty and George represent opposing views on how to handle difficult situations, with Marty believing in confrontations and George preferring to avoid them.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 9

The scene is engaging because it effectively builds tension through the conflicting desires of the characters and the humor in the dialogue. The unique voice of the writer also adds interest and relatability.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene helps to build tension and lead to a resolution, with effective use of dialogue and action to keep the viewer engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting is clear and follows the standard industry guidelines, with clear scene headings, character descriptions, and action lines.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre as it introduces the setting and characters, establishes conflicts and goals, and builds tension before leading to a resolution.


Critique Overall, this scene effectively introduces the conflict between George McFly and Biff Tannen and sets up the dynamic between them. It also highlights George's timid and passive nature, as well as Biff's antagonistic behavior.

One possible critique is that some of the dialogue feels slightly exaggerated or cliché, particularly in Biff's lines. For example, his line "Hello? Anybody home? Think, McFly, think!" may come across as slightly forced. Additionally, Biff's physical actions, such as knocking on George's head, might be seen as unrealistic or over-the-top.

Furthermore, Marty's reactions and dialogue could be developed further to show a stronger emotional response to the situation. His anger and frustration with his father's passivity could be more evident in his lines and actions.

In terms of the structure and pacing, the scene flows smoothly and effectively progresses the storyline. The actions and dialogue are clear and easy to follow.

Overall, the scene sets up an interesting conflict and dynamic between the characters, but there may be opportunities to polish the dialogue and further develop the emotional depth of the characters.
Suggestions Overall, this scene could benefit from some tightening and clarity. Here are some suggestions:

1. Introduce the characters with more concise and impactful descriptions: Instead of listing George and Biff's characteristics in separate sentences, try combining them into one sentence for each character. For example, "GEORGE MCFLY (47), a timid and uninspired man in a four-year-old suit from Sears, watches with horror. BIFF TANNEN (48), an intimidating lout with gold chains and pinky rings, lambastes George."

2. Cut down on excess dialogue: Some exchanges between Biff and George can be shortened or removed to maintain a more brisk pace. For example, consider condensing Biff's lines about the blind spot and George's insurance with something like: "BIFF: I can't believe you loaned me your car! GEORGE: I never noticed a blind spot before. Will your insurance cover the damages?"

3. Show Marty's emotions more clearly: Instead of stating that Marty is "shocked" and "outraged," try to incorporate his emotions into his dialogue and actions. For example, have him interrupt Biff with an exasperated tone and gestures when he says, "Dad, did it ever occur to you to say 'no'? Look what he did to the car!"

4. Find a more natural point for the neighbor's interruption: The neighbor's interruption breaks the flow of the scene and could be better placed at a different moment. Consider having the neighbor interrupt when George hesitates to pay for the cleaning bill, adding some comic relief to the tense situation.

5. Provide clearer formatting and transitions: It's important to have clear formatting and transitions between scenes. Make sure to properly format the scene number and heading. Additionally, consider adding a brief action line or description before the "CUT TO:" to smoothly transition to the next scene.

By implementing these suggestions, you can improve the pacing, clarity, and emotional impact of this scene in the screenplay.



Scene 6 - The McFly Family Dinner
15 INT. AT THE McFLY DINNER TABLE — NIGHT 15

The McFly family is dining on meat loaf, Kraft macaroni and cheese, Bird*s Eye mixed
vegetables, and French*s instant mashed potatoes.

Marty*s mother, LORRAINE, 47, was once very attractive. Now she*s OVERWEIGHT, in a
rut, a victim of suburban stagnation. She has more food on her plate than anyone else, and
a glass of vodka.

GEORGE has papers in front of him instead of food: he*s doing the work Biff gave him.
He*s also glancing at the TV, which is tuned to a “Honeymooners” rerun.

Sister LINDA, 19, is cute but wears too much eye makeup; brother DAVE, 22, wears a
MCDONALD*S UNIFORM and is wolfing down his food.

GEORGE *
(to Marty) *
Believe me, son, you*re better off not having the aggravation of dealing with *
that YMCA dance. You*d have to worry about getting all your equipment *
there, making contingency plans in case someone got sick, making sure you *
got paid correctly, settling with the Musician*s union... and what if you were *
so good that other people wanted to hire you? You*d have to worry about *
scheduling your jobs around school. Believe me, son, you*re better off *
without those headaches. *

MARTY *
Thanks for the pep talk, Dad. *

LORRAINE
Kids, your Uncle Joey didn*t make parole again. I think it would be nice if
you all dropped him a line.

MARTY
Uncle “Jailbird Joey”?

DAVE
He*s your brother, Mom.

LINDA
Yeah. I think it*s a major embarrassment having an uncle in prison.

LORRAINE
We all make mistakes in life, children. *
DAVE
(checks watch)
Damn, I*m late.

He wipes his mouth and hurries off.

LORRAINE
Please watch your language, David.

LINDA
(to Marty)
Suzy Parker called... wants you to call her back.

LORRAINE
I don*t like her, Marty. Any girl who calls up a boy is looking for trouble. Pass
the mashed potatoes, please.

Marty passes them and Lorraine takes a big helping.

LINDA
Oh, Mother, there*s nothing wrong with calling a boy.

LORRAINE
Well, I think it *s terrible, girls chasing boys. I never chased a boy when I was
your age. I never called a boy, or asked a boy on a date, or sat in a parked
car with a boy. Because when you behave like that, boys won*t respect you,
Linda. They*ll think you*re cheap.

Linda rolls her eyes. She*s heard this a million times.

LINDA
Then how are you ever supposed to meet anybody?

LORRAINE
It*ll just happen. Like the way I met your father.

LINDA
But that was so stupid! Grandpa hit him with his car.

LORRAINE
It was meant to be.

LINDA
I still don*t understand what Dad was doing in the middle of the street.

LORRAINE
What was it, George? Birdwatching?

GEORGE
(absorbed in his work)
Huh? Did you say something, Lorraine?

LORRAINE
(to Linda and Marty)
Anyway, Grandpa hit him with the car and brought him into the house. He
seemed so helpless... like a little lost dog. And my heart just went out to him.

LINDA
Yeah, Mom, you*ve told us a million times: “Florence Nightingale to the
rescue.”

LORRAINE
(thoughtfully, remembering)
The next weekend, we went on our first date: the “Enchantment Under the
Sea” school dance. I*ll never forget it — it was the night of that terrible *
thunderstorm. Remember, George?

GEORGE
What *s that, dear?

LORRAINE
(ignores him; to Marty and Linda)
Your father kissed me for the very first time on the dance floor... and that
was when I realized I was going to spend the rest of my life with him.

Marty and Linda exchange a look and shake their heads.

LINDA
I can*t believe Dad actually got up enough nerve to kiss you in public.

LORRAINE
Well, I may have encouraged him a little...

MARTY
I*ll bet you had to practically jump on his bones.

Marty gets up, finished eating.

LORRAINE
You watch your mouth, young man. And excuse yourself when you get up
from the table.

Marty is already out of the room.

MARTY (O.S.)
May I be excused?

CUT TO:

16 INT. MARTY*S BEDROOM — NIGHT 16

Marty*s walls are covered with posters of rock stars and cars — particularly Toyota Supras. *

There is also a portable home synthesizer, a tape recorder, and a stack of lead sheets.

Marty sits at his desk, with an submission form that has an “R & G RECORDS” letterhead, *
an envelope, and the cassette tape Suzy Parker gave him. There*s also a picture of Suzy *
there.

He signs the form and puts it in the envelope, along with the cassette tape. He is about to
seal it — then he hesitates, and ponders a moment. He stares at the envelope — it *s *
addressed to the “R & G RECORDS, NEW TALENT DIVISION.” He sighs, shakes his
head, pulls the tape out and chucks the envelope and application into the trash can.

CUT TO:

16-A INT. MARTY*S BEDROOM — CLOCK ON MARTY*S NIGHTSTAND 16-A*

It*s almost 12:30. CAMERA PANS to pick up Marty lying asleep on the bed fully clothed. *

Now Marty*s CORDLESS PHONE beeps. Marty stirs and answers it. *

MARTY
(into phone)
Hello?
(a beat, rolls his eyes)
No, I haven*t forgotten, Doc. One a.m., Twin Pines Mall. *

He hangs up and shakes his head.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary At the McFly family dinner table, Marty's family discusses various topics, including his detention and upcoming band audition. Marty's mother Lorraine reminisces about how she met Marty's father, George. Marty later goes to his bedroom and contemplates submitting his audition tape to a record label, but ultimately decides not to.
Strengths "The scene establishes the dynamics and personalities of Marty's family members, particularly Lorraine. The dialogue is humorous and reveals backstory."
Weaknesses "The scene may not have a significant impact on the overall plot, and the dialogue can be repetitive at times."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene provides some good character development and establishes the dynamic within the McFly family. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the physical descriptions of the characters could be more nuanced. Instead of relying on stereotypes ("cute but wears too much eye makeup"), it would be more effective to describe their appearances in a way that reveals something about their personalities or conflicts. This could add depth to the characters and make them more memorable.

Additionally, the dialogue could be tightened up in some places. For example, when George is talking to Marty about the YMCA dance, the dialogue feels a bit long and repetitive. It could be condensed to get to the point more quickly. Similarly, some of the back-and-forth between Linda and Lorraine about Uncle Joey feels a bit repetitive. Streamlining the dialogue would make the scene more engaging and efficient.

Furthermore, the transition to Marty's bedroom feels abrupt and could use some better visual cues. It's unclear why Marty suddenly decides not to send his music submission, and the transition between the dinner table and his bedroom could be smoother. Adding in a shot or action that conveys his internal conflict or change of heart would make this transition more seamless and clear.

Overall, the scene has potential and effectively introduces the characters and their relationships. With some improvements in character descriptions, dialogue efficiency, and transitions, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Clearer descriptions: Provide more visual details to help the reader visualize the setting and characters. For example, describe the atmosphere of the dinner table and the appearance of each family member in more detail.

2. Show, don't tell: Instead of stating that Lorraine is overweight and in a rut, show her actions and expressions that convey these traits.

3. Character development: Develop the characters of Marty, Lorraine, and George further by giving them distinct personalities and backstories. This will make the scene more interesting and engaging.

4. Dialogue: Make sure each character's dialogue sounds unique and authentic to their personality. Consider adding subtext and conflict to the conversation between George and Marty about the YMCA dance.

5. Conflict: Introduce more conflict within the family dynamic to create tension and make the scene more engaging. This can be done through arguments or disagreements between family members.

6. Visual storytelling: Explore ways to visually convey the emotions and dynamics between the characters. Use body language, facial expressions, and gestures to enhance the scene and add depth to the characters.

7. Focus: Consider trimming some of the dialogue to keep the scene focused and concise. Remove any unnecessary lines that don't contribute to the overall story or character development.

8. Formatting: Ensure that the scene is properly formatted and adheres to industry standards for screenwriting.

By implementing these suggestions, you can improve the scene and make it more compelling for the audience.



Scene 7 - The Time Machine Test
17 EXT. TWIN PINES MALL PARKING LOT — NIGHT 17*

CAMERA PANS from the lit entrance sign, depicting 2 PINE TREES with “TW IN PINES *
MALL” in lettering below (along with a digital clock at 12:59) to pick up MARTY on his *
skateboard with another WALKMAN (it *s a different brand than the one Strickland
smashed). Marty skateboards around a corner of the mall and sees Brown *s RV on the
vast, sodium vapor lit parking lot. DR. BROWN is clad in a white radiation suit, hood off,
(still with his Indian turquoise around his neck)and EINSTEIN, are both next to

A SLEEK, STAINLESS STEEL DELOREAN SPORTS CAR. It*s been modified with some
wicked looking units on its rear engine, giving it a particularly dangerous feel. There are
coils along the front and rear decks.

There are also several small cases of supplies and equipment, and a piece of American
Tourister luggage around the RV.

Marty skateboards over, totally blown away by the car.

MARTY
Jeez, Doc, a DeLorean! What the hell did you do to it?

BROWN
Grab the camera and start taping, Marty. I*ll explain as we go.

Brown indicates a HOME VIDEO CAMERA nearby. Marty picks it up.

MARTY
And what*s with the Devo suit?

Brown lifts open the driver*s side gull wing door.

BROWN
Come on, Einstein. Get in, boy.
The dog obediently jumps in and sits in the driver*s seat. Brown buckles him in with the
shoulder harness. The dog has a BATTERY OPERATED DIGITAL CLOCK hanging
around his neck.

Marty begins taping, handheld, cinema verite style.

BROWN
(to Marty and video camera)
All right, this is test #1. Please note that Einstein *s clock here is in precise
synchronization with my control watch.

Brown holds up a digital watch next to Einstein*s clock; indeed, the two are in dead sync.

BROWN
(to the dog)
Good luck, Einie.

Brown reaches in and starts the ignition. The DeLorean engine ROARS to life. Brown turns
on the headlights and lowers the gull wing door, sealing Einstein in.

He steps back and picks up a REMOTE CONTROL UNIT, similar to one for a radio
controlled toy car. There are buttons labeled “Accelerator” and “Brake”, a joystick, and an
L.E.D. digital readout labeled “Miles Per Hour.” Brown flicks the power switch on and, using
the accelerator button and joystick for steering, sends the DeLorean down to the far, far
end of the parking lot. He turns the car around so that it *s pointing toward them, idling.

BROWN
Here we go, Marty. If my calculations are correct, when the car hits 88 miles
an hour, you*re gonna see some serious shit.

Brown takes a deep breath, then pushes the accelerator button.

The DeLorean takes off, shifting gears automatically.

The L.E.D. speedometer passes 30.

The stainless steel vehicle zooms faster... past 40...

Marty is getting it all on tape.

Brown watches intently. The speedometer climbs past 60.

IN THE CAR, Einstein remains calmly in the driver*s seat. Gauges and instrument lights
mounted behind him begin flashing.

Brown *s finger holds the accelerator button down.

The meter passes 75.

The DeLorean keeps accelerating, approaching Marty and Brown. The coils mounted
around the car begin glowing.
Genres: ["Comedy","Science Fiction"]

Summary Marty joins Dr. Brown in the Twin Pines Mall parking lot where they witness a DeLorean time machine. Dr. Brown explains that they are going to test it, and Marty starts filming. As the car reaches 88 miles per hour, they anticipate something amazing is about to happen.
Strengths "Exciting introduction to the time machine scene, good pacing and anticipation"
Weaknesses "Dialogue could be stronger, not much character development in this specific scene"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 9

The scene presents a unique twist on the concept of time travel. By utilizing a DeLorean sports car, the writer has created a fresh take on the idea. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to document and capture the events taking place. It reflects his desire to uncover the secrets of the time machine and his need to be part of something bigger than himself.

External Goal: 10

The protagonist's external goal is to record the DeLorean's test run and document its success or failure. It reflects the immediate challenge of proving the machine's worth to Dr. Brown and the audience.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 9

The scene is engaging because of its unique concept and humorous dialogue. The audience is invested in the success of the time machine and curious about its capabilities.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene works well, building tension towards the climax. It also balances humor with suspense, creating an enjoyable viewing experience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre. It is written in present tense and includes specific camera directions and character actions.

Structure: 10

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre. It begins with a setting description, establishes the characters, and builds tension towards the climactic moment.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the excitement and anticipation surrounding the DeLorean time machine. Here are a few specific points to consider for critique:

1. Scene Description: The description of the setting and the DeLorean are vivid, allowing the reader to visualize the scene clearly. However, some of the descriptions could be streamlined for better flow and pacing. For example, instead of listing all the details about the DeLorean at once, it could be split into shorter sentences to create more anticipation.

2. Dialogue: The dialogue between Marty and Doc Brown is engaging and reveals their personalities. However, the dialogue tags could be improved for smoother reading. Instead of using dialogue tags like "BROWN" and "MARTY" in all caps, it would be more effective to use standard formatting with character names followed by a comma.

3. Action Lines: The action lines effectively convey the movement and actions of the characters. The use of present tense verbs creates a sense of immediacy and keeps the pace of the scene. However, there are a few instances of grammatical errors and typos (e.g., "*s" instead of "is" and "it*s" instead of "it's"), which should be corrected.

4. Tension and Suspense: The build-up to the DeLorean reaching 88 miles per hour is well-executed, creating tension and suspense. The use of short sentences and fragmented descriptions adds to the excitement. However, some of the sentences could be more concise and impactful to maintain the pace and urgency of the scene.

In conclusion, this scene effectively establishes the anticipation and excitement surrounding the DeLorean time machine. With some minor adjustments to the scene description, dialogue formatting, and tightening up the action lines, it would be even stronger.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the description: While the scene is mostly clear, there are a few sentences that could be clarified for better understanding. For example, in the beginning, instead of saying "CAMERA PANS," specify whether it pans left or right. Additionally, instead of "Marty skateboards over, totally blown away by the car," you could add more specific actions or visuals to show his reaction, such as him stopping abruptly and his jaw dropping.

2. Develop character emotions: Add more emotional reactions from Marty and Dr. Brown to create a stronger connection with the audience. How do they feel about the modifications to the car? Are they excited or nervous? Show their emotions through dialogue and actions.

3. Use stronger dialogue: While the dialogue is functional, it could be enhanced for more impact. Consider adding more humor, sarcasm, or personality to make it memorable. For example, instead of Marty simply saying, "Jeez, Doc, a DeLorean! What the hell did you do to it?" he could say something like, "Holy crap, Doc! Did you turn this DeLorean into a freaking time machine or something?"

4. Show Marty's curiosity and excitement: Highlight Marty's fascination with the car by including more visual cues or reactions. For example, describe Marty circling the car, touching the sleek exterior, or asking more questions about the modifications.

5. Clarify the purpose of the scene: Make sure the audience understands the significance of the scene within the overall story. Is this the first time Marty sees the time-traveling car? Does this scene set up the upcoming time-travel adventure? Clarify the context and purpose to keep the audience engaged.

6. Create tension and suspense: To make the scene more engaging, add elements of tension and suspense. Foreshadow the dangers or consequences of time travel to build anticipation for future events. The line, "when the car hits 88 miles an hour, you're gonna see some serious shit," is a good start, but consider adding more details or ominous foreshadowing.

7. Add visual descriptions: While the scene is mostly visually descriptive, you could add more details to create a vivid image. For example, describe the colors and patterns on the coils, the flashing lights in the car, or the glowing effect of the coils mounted around the car.

Remember, these suggestions are subjective, so feel free to adapt or modify them according to your vision for the scene. Ultimately, it's important to keep the scene engaging, impactful, and aligned with the overall tone and themes of the script.



Scene 8 - Time Travel Test
18 EXT. MALL, DELOREAN — NIGHT 18

The speedometer hits 85... 86... 87... 88...
The automobile is suddenly engulfed by a BLINDING WHITE GLOW — then, BLAM! It*s
gone, a TRAIL OF FIRE left in its wake.

19 Brown and Marty are hit by a sharp blast of air. Marty blinks in disbelief: it*s as if the car 19
never existed. Only the LICENSE PLATE is left behind — a vanity plate: “NO TIME.”

BROWN
(elated)
What *d I tell you? 88 miles per hour! Temporal displacement occurred at
(checks watch) exactly 1:02 a.m. and zero seconds.

MARTY
(shocked)
Christ Almighty! You disintegrated Einstein!

BROWN
Calm down, Marty. I didn*t disintegrate anything. The molecular structure of
both Einstein and the car are completely intact.

MARTY
Then where the hell are they?

BROWN
The appropriate question is: WHEN the hell are they. You see, Einstein has
just become the world*s first time traveler. I sent him into the future — one
minute into the future, to be exact. And at exactly 1:03 a.m. and zero
seconds, we shall catch up to him... and the time machine.

MARTY
Time machine? Are you trying to tell me you built a time machine out of a
DeLorean?

BROWN
(smiles, modestly)
The way I figured it, if you*re gonna build a time machine into a car, why not
do it with some style? Besides, the stainless steel construction made the flux
dispersal—
(his digital watch BEEPS)
Ten seconds! Roll tape — and brace yourself for a sudden displacement of
air.

Marty aims the camera right where the DeLorean disappeared. Brown grips the remote
control unit tightly and counts down.

BROWN
5...4...3...2...1...

Their hair stands up on end, charged up with static electricity...

20 Suddenly, a SHARP BLAST OF WIND comes up out of nowhere, along with a 20
DEAFENING SONIC BOOM — and the DELOREAN REAPPEARS right where it vanished,
still going 88 m.p.h.!

21 Brown hits the brake button. 21
The car wheels lock up and the DeLorean comes to a SCREECHING HALT, smoke
pouring off the body.

Brown and Marty rush over to the car. Brown approaches cautiously and reaches for the
door handle. He touches it and recoils in pain.

MARTY
Is it hot?

BROWN
It*s cold. Damned cold.

Brown raises the driver*s side door: there sits Einstein, none the worse for wear. Brown
again compares his watch with Einstein*s.

22 INSERT — WATCHES 22

Einstein*s reads 1:02:10; Brown*s is 1:03:10.

23 BACK TO SHOT 23

BROWN
Exactly one minute difference — and still ticking!

MARTY
Is Einstein all right?

Brown unbuckles the shoulder harness, and Einstein bounds out, happy and playful. Brown
gives the dog a Milk Bone reward.

BROWN
Good boy, Einie!
(to Marty)
He*s fine. And he*s completely unaware that anything happened. As far as
he*s concerned, the trip was instantaneous. That*s why his watch is a
minute behind mine — he “skipped over” that minute to instantly arrive at
this moment in time. Come here, let me show you how it works...

Marty is still a bit skeptical, uneasy. Brown waves him over, like a kid who wants to show
off a new toy. Marty approaches cautiously.

BROWN
First, you turn the time circuits on...

Brown flips the labeled switch. An array of indicator lights go on inside.

BROWN
(continuing)
This readout, tells you where you*re going, this one tells you where you are,
this one tells you where you were.

The three readouts are respectively labeled “DESTINATION TIME,” “PRESENT TIME” and
“LAST TIME DEPARTED.”
BROWN
(continuing)
You input your destination time on this keypad. Want to see the signing of
the Declaration of Independence?

He punches 7-4-1776. The “DESTINATION TIME” readout lights up with the date.

BROWN
(continuing)
Or witness the birth of Christ?

He punches in 12-25-0.

BROWN
(continuing)
Here*s a red letter date in the history of science: March 19, 1955...

He pauses, realizing something — as if something suddenly makes sense to him.

BROWN
Yes, of course... March 19, 1955...

MARTY
What happened then?

BROWN
That was the day I invented time travel. Actually, it was night. I remember it
vividly: I got hit over the head, and when I came to, I had a revelation — a
vision — a picture in my head. A picture of THIS...

Brown points to a particular centerpiece unit mounted inside the DeLorean.

Marty aims the video camera and gets it on tape. He continues taping as Dr. Brown
explains.

BROWN
This is what makes time travel possible: the T.F.C. — Temporal Field
Capacitor.

MARTY
Temporal Field Capacitor, huh? How*d you get beaned?

BROWN
Well, I was trying to— (stops short, thinking better of it) W ell, it*s not
important. What is important is that it works. It*s taken me over 30 years to
fulfill the vision of that night.

He faces the DeLorean proudly.

MARTY
Heavy duty, Doc. And it runs on, like, regular unleaded gasoline?

BROWN
Unfortunately, no. It requires something with a little more kick...
Brown indicates a container with purple radioactivity symbols on it. *

MARTY
(reads the label)
Plutonium?! You mean this sucker*s nuclear?

BROWN
Electrical. But I need a nuclear reaction to generate the 1.21 jigowatts of
electricity I need. The T.F.C. stores it, then discharges it all at once, like a
gigantic bolt of lightning. Oh, you*d better put on this radiation suit before I
reload. Not that there*s any danger, but it never hurts to take precautions.

Brown hands him the YELLOW RADIATION SUIT which is near the RV. Marty puts the *
camera down. *

MARTY
Hold the phone, Doc — plutonium*s illegal. Did you rip it off? *

BROWN
No, of course not. Here, let me help you with that. *

Brown helps Marty get into the suit.

BROWN
Put your hood up, Marty, while I reload... and keep Einstein covered, too. *

Marty and Brown both pull their hoods over their heads. Marty covers Einstein with a sheet *
of the same radiation proof material. *

Brown opens the container and removes a 4-inch clear cylinder with a plutonium rod within *
(it*s surrounded by water), then closes the container. *

Brown steps over to the rear of the DeLorean and places the plutonium cylinder into the *
loading hopper. The plutonium rod drops down into the reactor, which then seals shut. *

BROWN
(removes his hood)
It*s safe now. Everything is lead lined.

Marty removes his hood and releases Einstein. He picks up the video camera and starts *
taping again. *

BROWN
Oh — I mustn*t forget my luggage...

Brown grabs his suitcase and puts it in the trunk (it *s in the front).

BROWN
Who knows if they*ll have cotton underwear in the future? I*m allergic to all
synthetics.

Brown slams the trunk shut.

MARTY
The future? Is that where you*re going?
BROWN
That*s right. 25 years into the future. I*ve always dreamed of seeing the *
future — looking beyond my years, observing the progress of mankind. It*s *
almost like cheating death. *
(pauses, then smiles wryly) *
I*ll also be able to find out who wins the next 25 World Series. *

Suddenly, Einstein starts BARKING at something.

BROWN
What is it, Einie?

Brown turns, and reacts with horror to an APPROACHING PAIR OF HEADLIGHTS: it *s an
ominous VAN.

BROWN
Oh, no — they found me. I don*t know how, but they found me.

MARTY
Who?

BROWN
The Libyans! *

MARTY
What Libyans? *

BROWN
The Libyans who got me the Plutonium! They wanted me to build ‘em a *
bomb — I told ‘em I would, but I lied! *

The van side door slides open and a SWARTHY CHARACTER who resembles Yasser
Arafat leans out with an AK 47 submachine gun. He OPENS FIRE.

BROWN
Run for it, Marty! I*ll draw their fire!

Brown pulls a .45 revolver from inside his radiation suit and FIRES at the van! He then
breaks for the mall, a good 500 yards away.

The terrorist van SCREECHES around sharply and gives chase. The terrorist FIRES a
machine gun blast. *

MARTY
Doc — no! Wait!

But Brown keeps running and firing — and the van closes the distance. No way can Brown
outrun it to the mall.

The Terrorist gunner screams a Libyan curse, then FIRES a burst at Brown.
*
The bullets rip into Brown *s chest and the scientist goes down.

Marty stands frozen in horror, video camera still in hand.
MARTY
Doc! Oh my God!
(at the terrorists)
You bastards!

As if hearing Marty, the van makes a U-turn: it *s coming for Marty!

Marty looks around. He*s out in the open, and has only one chance: The DeLorean.

Marty dashes for it, even as the van accelerates toward him, and dives into the still open
driver*s door.

24 IN THE CAR 24

Marty swings the door shut, then looks over the array or switches and buttons on the
console with frightened bewilderment: how do you start this thing?

Then he spots the keys in the ignition on the steering column, just like any other car. He
turns it over and shifts into first. He floors it.
Genres: []

Summary Marty joins Dr. Brown in the Twin Pines Mall parking lot where they witness a DeLorean time machine. Dr. Brown explains that they are going to test it, and Marty starts filming. As the car reaches 88 miles per hour, they anticipate something amazing is about to happen.
Strengths "Exciting and suspenseful scene that introduces the concept of time travel and establishes the courage and ingenuity of the main characters."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels exposition-heavy and the terrorist chase may feel cliched to some viewers."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 10

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of time travel has been explored before, the use of a DeLorean car as a time machine and the specific details of how it works add a fresh approach to the familiar trope. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue further enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and come to terms with the concept of time travel. This reflects Marty's desire for adventure and his curiosity about the unknown.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape from the terrorists chasing him and save his own life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The fast pace, witty dialogue, and unexpected twists contribute to the overall excitement and engagement.

Pacing: 9

The pacing and rhythm of this scene are well-executed, contributing to its effectiveness. The quick cuts between action and dialogue, along with the use of suspenseful moments, create a sense of urgency and keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene largely follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are all properly formatted.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a hook, builds tension, and ends with a cliffhanger, effectively engaging the audience.


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene is well-written and engaging. It effectively builds tension and introduces elements of time travel and danger. The dialogue feels natural and reveals important information about the characters and their situation. The action is clear and easy to visualize. Overall, this scene effectively sets up the plot and leaves the audience wanting to know what will happen next.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual description: Instead of just describing the action, try to create a more vivid image for the reader by adding details to the scene. For example, describe the surroundings of the mall, the lighting, the weather, etc.

2. Build suspense and tension: Make the scene more exciting and suspenseful by emphasizing the speed and power of the DeLorean. Use sensory details to convey the intensity of the moment, such as the sound of the engine, the feel of the wind, the blinding light, etc.

3. Develop the characters: Give more depth to the characters' emotions and reactions. Show Marty's shock, disbelief, and concern for the safety of Einstein. Show Doc Brown's excitement and confidence in his invention, but also his caution and concern for their safety.

4. Clarify the dialogue: Make sure the dialogue is clear and easy to understand. Consider simplifying some of the scientific jargon and explaining it in a more accessible way. Also, make sure the characters' voices are distinct and consistent throughout the scene.

5. Add more visual cues: Provide more visual cues to help the reader visualize the actions and movements of the characters. For example, describe how Marty aims the camera, how Doc Brown counts down, the way Marty cautiously approaches the time machine, etc.

6. Create a stronger impact: Make the scene more impactful by focusing on the emotional and dramatic moments. Show Marty's shock and horror when he realizes what has happened to Doc Brown, his desperation when he jumps into the DeLorean, and his determination when he starts the car and speeds away.

7. Show the consequences: Highlight the consequences of the events in the scene. For example, emphasize the danger and urgency of the situation when the terrorists appear, and show the impact of Doc Brown's actions and Marty's decision to get into the car.

8. Improve the pacing: Consider adjusting the pacing of the scene to create a better balance between action, dialogue, and description. Make sure the scene flows smoothly and keeps the reader engaged.

Overall, focus on creating a more dynamic and engaging scene that captures the reader's attention and leaves them wanting to know what happens next.



Scene 9 - Chase and Time Travel
25 EXT. — CHASE 25*

The DeLorean roars off!

The van gives chase.

25-A INT. DELOREAN — INSERT 25-A*

The speedometer approaches 40.

25-B EXT. MALL PARKING LOT — ON THE VAN 25-B*

The Terrorist Gunner leans out of the van and takes aim.

25-C INT. MOVING DELOREAN 25-C*

MARTY looks into the side view mirror.

25-D MARTY*S P.O.V. THRU SIDE VIEW MIRROR 25-D*

of the Libyan gunner taking aim.

25-E INT. DELOREAN — INSERT 25-E*

The speedometer climbs past 50.

25-F EXT. MALL PARKING LOT — THE MOVING VAN 25-F*

The gunner FIRES.

25-G EXT. MALL PARKING LOT — THE MOVING DELOREAN 25G*

Bullets rip into the parking lot just behind the speeding DeLorean.

25-H INT. MOVING DELOREAN 25-H*
Marty has the pedal to the metal.

25-J INSERT — The speedometer hits 75. 25-J*

25-K ON MARTY — Marty again checks the side view mirror. 25-K*

25-L MARTY*S P.0.V. THRU SIDE VIEW MIRROR 25-L*

The van is still keeping up.

25-M INT. MOVING DELOREAN 25M*

Marty reacts.

MARTY
Let*s see if you bastards can do 90...

25-N EXT. MALL PARKING LOT 25-N*

The DeLorean continues accelerating.

The van continues pursuit, but begins to lose ground.

25-P INT. MOVING DELOREAN 25-P*

25-Q INSERT — The speedometer passes 85! 25Q*

25-R ON MARTY — Gauges and indicators light up behind Marty*s head, just as they did before 25-R*
Einstein traveled through time — the T.F.C. is about to kick in!

25-S INSERT — The speedometer climbs...86...87...88... 25-S*

26 INT. MOVING DELOREAN, BEHIND MARTY, THRU THE WINDSHIELD 26

The mall parking lot is suddenly changed into an OPEN FIELD with a SCARECROW in the
middle of it!

Marty is speeding toward it at 88 miles an hour — he hits it! The scarecrow*s face is
hideously smashed against the windshield.

Marty continues toward a HAYSTACK! He*s completely disoriented.

27 EXT. FARM FIELD AND BARN — NIGHT 27

The DeLorean speeds right through the haystack, and then into an OPEN BARN.

We hold on the barn exterior — we hear a CRASH; hay and dust are kicked up out the
door... then a CRACK OF WOOD — and A LARGE SECTION OF THE BARN ROOF
CAVES IN!

We hold on the barn. We hear a DOG start BARKING.

28 EXT. NEARBY FARM HOUSE — NIGHT 28

A light goes on in the nearby FARM HOUSE. Now, FARMER PA PEABODY, 45, comes
out in his red flannels, carrying a lantern. Behind him is his wife, MA; their buxom 14 year
old DAUGHTER, and lively 11 year old son SHERMAN.

They approach the barn and cautiously enter through the rear doors.

29 INT. BARN — NIGHT 29

The Peabodys stare in open-mouthed astonishment:

The stainless steel vehicle faces them head on, headlight beams shining through the dust.
With its wheels buried in the straw and amber hazard lights blinking, it looks like a SPACE
SHIP!

The COWS in the barn don*t seem to care much, but Ma and Pa look up at the hole where
the roof caved in, then exchange an uneasy look.

MA
What is it, Pa?

PA
Looks like an airplane.. .without wings...

SHERMAN
Airplane? It*s a flying saucer, Pa! From outer space!

The driver*s gull wing door rises slowly... just like a hatch.

Pa motions them all back. They watch expectantly, uneasily, with expressions of curiosity
mixed with fear.

Now Marty steps out, dazed — he*s in the radiation suit, and the HOOD IS DOWN, giving
him the appearance of an alien!

Ma SCREAMS and faints!

PA
Run, children! Run for your lives!

They all run like hell out of the barn!

Marty takes a few steps, then removes the hood.

MARTY
Hey! Hello? Where am I?

Marty looks around. The cows in the barn just chew their cud.

Marty shakes his head, then steps out the barn door.

30 EXT. BARNYARD — NIGHT 30

Marty steps out into the barnyard.

MARTY
Excuse me! Anybody here?
Genres: ["Action","Sci-Fi"]

Summary Marty is chased by terrorists in a DeLorean time machine. He reaches 88 mph and travels through time, landing in a barn in the countryside. The local farm family is shocked and mistakes Marty for an alien.
Strengths "The high-stakes chase sequence and the introduction of time travel are engaging and exciting."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and the character development could be stronger."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 7

Although the idea of time travel and being pursued by criminals is not entirely original, the way that this scene is executed with vivid physical details and specific character reactions feels fresh and engaging. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also adds to the sense of originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 8

Marty's internal goal is to escape the terrorists who are pursuing him and ensure his safety. This reflects his desire to avoid danger and maintain his current way of life.

External Goal: 8

Marty's external goal is to reach the speed of 88 miles per hour in order to activate the time machine and travel back to the future. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing of evading the terrorists and using the DeLorean effectively.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced action, and clear character motivation. The writer's descriptive language and attention to detail also help to draw the reader or viewer in and create a vivid mental picture of the events.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of this scene is effective because it is fast and exciting, with regular changes of location and clear milestones in the action. The dialogue and action flow smoothly together, creating a cohesive and engaging sequence.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of this scene is excellent and adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings and well-defined action lines and character cues.

Structure: 9

This scene follows the expected structure for the genre of action-adventure, with a clear setup, rising tension, and resolution. The pacing is fast and exciting, and the transitions between different locations are smooth and logical.


Critique The scene you have shared is from the movie "Back to the Future" and it is a pivotal chase sequence. Here are some critiques and suggestions for improvement:

1. Lack of specific visual descriptions: While the scene is still understandable, it would benefit from more specific visual descriptions to help readers and crew members visualize the scene more accurately. Add more details about the surroundings, the lighting conditions, and any important props or set pieces.

2. Formatting and numbering: The scene numbers appear to be inconsistent and non-standard. Make sure to use the generally accepted format for scene headings and numbers.

3. Clearer identification of characters: In order to make it easier for readers to follow the scene, make sure to consistently identify the characters by their names. Instead of using pronouns like "Marty" and "Ma," use their full names to avoid confusion.

4. Dialogue clarity: The dialogue seems to be clear and concise, effectively conveying the characters' reactions and emotions. However, consider adding more specific action or body language to enhance the impact of the dialogue and make it more engaging for the audience.

Overall, the scene effectively captures the tension and excitement of a high-speed chase. With some minor improvements to clarify visual descriptions and character identification, it could become an even stronger sequence.
Suggestions Overall, this scene seems to be paced well and has a good amount of tension and action. However, here are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Clarify the location: Include a brief description of the chase location at the beginning of the scene, such as "EXT. MALL PARKING LOT - DAY." This helps to ground the reader and give them a clear mental image of the setting.

2. Add more description of the action: Throughout the scene, consider adding more specific and vivid descriptions of the actions and movements. For example, instead of just saying "The gunner FIRES," you could add details like "The gunner FIRES a spray of bullets, narrowly missing the speeding DeLorean."

3. Increase tension and stakes: Find ways to heighten the tension and the stakes in the scene. One way to do this could be to add obstacles or challenges that Marty must overcome while driving, as well as concrete consequences for failure.

4. Show Marty's emotions: In moments of high tension, show Marty's emotions and reactions more explicitly. For example, instead of just saying "Marty reacts" in 25-M, you could describe his facial expression, body language, or inner thoughts to convey his fear, determination, or other emotions.

5. Enhance the dialogue: Consider adding more dialogue or character interaction, especially when Marty steps out of the DeLorean in the barnyard. This can help further develop the characters and add depth to the scene.

6. Check formatting and numbering: Make sure the scene headings and numbering are formatted correctly and consistently. Also, double-check that the scene numbers are in sequential order.

By implementing these suggestions, you can make the scene more engaging, suspenseful, and emotionally impactful.



Scene 10 - Marty Travels to 1955
EXT. FARM HOUSE — NIGHT

PA busts out of the farmhouse with a double-barreled shotgun. Sherman is right behind
him, with something rolled up in his hand.

SHERMAN
Look, Pa — it*s already mutated into human form! Shoot it!

Pa raises his shotgun and FIRES!

Buckshot cracks into the barn wall behind Marty.

PA
Take that, you mutated son-of-a-bitch!

He squeezes off the second barrel!

Shot explodes in the dirt near Marty*s feet! He dashes back into the barn!

Pa breaks the gun and reloads, then moves cautiously toward the barn. Just as he*s about
to enter, the DELOREAN THUNDERS OUT!

Pa Peabody jumps back!

The car spins around in the barnyard, and smashes through a white picket fence
surrounding 2 NEWLY PLANTED PINE TREES IN A LINE, just like on the sign at “TWIN *
PINES MALL.” The DeLorean takes out one of the small trees, then finds the dirt access *
road and ROARS AWAY.

PA
You space bastard! You killed one of my pines!

Pa FIRES both barrels at the departing vehicle, then runs over to his “pine grove.”

PA
(extremely upset)
Now I only got one.
*
Now he looks up and sees Ma coming out of the barn. She*s dazed, rubbing her head.

PA
Ma! Are you all right!

Sherman runs over, terrified, with a rolled up something in his hand.

SHERMAN
Pa! No! Don*t go near her! She*s a zombie! She*s got no more free will! The
spaceman took over her brain!

PA
What the hell are you talking*, boy?

SHERMAN
Read this! It*s all right here!
Sherman shows him his WEIRD SCIENCE COMIC BOOK: On the cover is a space ship
that resembles a 50*s version of the DeLorean. An alien is stepping out who looks
something like Marty in the radiation suit, and he appears to have enslaved several human
females. The title of the story is “Space Zombies From Pluto.”

Pa looks at it, then glances over at his wife with trepidation.

CUT TO:

31 EXT. THE DELOREAN — MORNING 31

tears along the dirt road and out onto the MAIN (PAVED)ROAD.

32 OMITTED 32*

33 EXT. STREET — DAY 33

The DeLorean pulls into frame and stops. Marty*s gull wing door opens, revealing Marty*s
shocked expression as he sees

34 HIS OWN HOUSE — (MATTE PAINTING) 34

BRAND NEW, freshly painted — a MODEL HOME, complete with colored pennants and
“model home” signs... without any landscaping.

Next to it is a LARGE SIGN with an artist*s rendering of an idyllic home, nestled between
magnificent oak trees, with a proud family of four beside their Cadillac. Below, in big block
letters: “Live in the home of tomorrow...today! Lyon Estates, scheduled completion, This
Winter.”

Beyond it is vacant land, with some of it graded for construction. There are a few
foundations and perhaps a wood frame or two... and the familiar high tension wires.

35 MARTY 35
is in shock. He looks at the dashboard readouts.

36 INSERT — DASHBOARD L.E.D. 36

The date on the “Destination time” is Saturday, 3-19-1955, 5:35 a.m.... and that matches
the date on “Present time.” (“Last Time Departed” is 10—5 1985, 1:11 a.m.)

Below, the “Plutonium Chamber” light flashes “EMPTY.”

MARTY
1955? 1 don*t believe it!

37 He turns on the car radio and tunes in a newscast. 37

NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
...and President Eisenhower predicted that 1955 would see an increase in
housing starts...

MARTY
Eisenhower?
MARTY
*
Marty spots a page of discarded NEWSPAPER on the sidewalk in front of his house-to-be. *
He gets out of the car and picks it up.

38 INSERT — NEWSPAPER 38

The date is March 18, 1955

39 MARTY 39

MARTY
This is definitely not my day.

On the back of the newspaper is an AUTOMOBILE ADVERTISEMENT with a picture of a
“new” 1955 Studebaker. The copy clearly says “YOU*LL BE NOTICED driving the car of
the future — the All New 1955 Studebaker.”

Marty looks at the DeLorean, looks again at the ad copy, then looks at the garage door of
his house-to-be.

MARTY
Why not...?

He tries to open the garage door: it *s locked.

Then he reaches in his pocket and pulls out his KEYS. He tries one in the garage lock. It
works! Marty smiles and opens the garage door.

40 ANGLE ON THE OPEN GARAGE — DAY 40*

The DeLorean backs into the garage. *

Marty is about to turn off the car when he hears the RADIO DJ from the car radio. *

DJ
(V.O. RADIO)
And now, one of the top records of the week...

Marty turns up the volume: he wants to hear this. “Papa Loves Mambo” by Perry Como
starts playing. Marty can*t believe what he is hearing. He shakes his head.

MARTY
This is not a good year.

MUSIC BECOMES SCORE AND CONTINUES OVER NEXT SEQUENCE.

41 EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF MARTY*S (MODEL) HOME — MATTE SHOT — DAY 41*

MARTY walks down the street toward Hill Valley. He*s out of the radiation suit and in his *
street clothes. *

CUT TO:

42 EXT. HILL VALLEY TOWN SQUARE — DAY 42
The town square is immediately recognizable because the courthouse clock tower is now
working. In 1955, the town square is a healthy, vibrant center of commerce. The same
buildings are well kept and clean, and the street bustles with Saturday morning activity.
Marty notices

THE MOVIE THEATER is now playing “Cattle Queen of Montana” starring Barbara
Stanwyck and Ronald Reagan.

THE TOYOTA DEALERSHIP is now a STUDEBAKER DEALERSHIP selling new 1955 *
cars.

AN APPLIANCE STORE is selling “modern” small appliances.

A WOMAN *S STORE displays tie latest fashions.

A TRAVEL AGENCY advertises “Fabulous Vacations in Cuba.”

THE BANK has a round clock instead of the digital version of 1985. A sign in the window
promotes “Passbook Savings at 2-1/4%.”

A RECORD STORE displays the latest records and albums: Eddie Fisher, Perry Como, Pat
Boone. There is no Rock and Roll.

AN ELECTION POSTER: “Re-elect Mayor Frank ‘Red* Thomas. Honesty, Decency,
Integrity.” With the exception of the name and face, it *s the same as the “Goldie Wilson”
poster of 1985.

MARTY walks along tie street staring at the places and people. The people stare at him
too, particularly his green shoes.

The previously boarded up CAFÉ is now open for business. Marty notices a PUBLIC
TELEPHONE SIGN on the window: he*s got an idea. He enters.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Comedy","Adventure"]

Summary Marty is chased by terrorists in a DeLorean time machine and travels to 1955, landing in a barn. He is mistaken for an alien by a local farm family.
Strengths "The scene effectively introduces the time travel element and establishes the conflict and high stakes of Marty being chased by terrorists. It also sets up the comedic misunderstanding of Marty being mistaken for an alien. The scene moves the story forward by taking Marty to a new time period and showing the changes that have occurred."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and the theme could be further explored."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 9

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its use of time travel in a comedic context, and the characters' reactions to the futuristic DeLorean and the past culture add freshness to familiar ideas. The dialogue also feels authentic to the respective time periods, adding to the realism of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a way back to his own time period and reunite with his family. His fear of being trapped in the past and losing everything he knows and loves drives this goal.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to look for ways to obtain plutonium to fuel the DeLorean and return home. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he faces when he realizes he is stuck in the past without the necessary resources.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The time travel element raises philosophical questions about the nature of time and altering the course of history. Marty's actions in the past have the potential to drastically change his future, prompting him to consider the consequences of his choices.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 9

The scene is engaging because it balances humor, tension, and character development, driving the plot forward and leaving the audience curious about what happens next.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension through the action and adding humor through the characters' reactions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for the screenplay genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique Overall, the scene is engaging and full of action. The dialogue is quick and keeps the momentum of the scene going. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

1. Formatting: The scene description could be formatted more clearly. Instead of using asterisks for emphasis, it would be better to use italics or underline to indicate emphasis. Additionally, the use of all caps for certain phrases can be distracting. It would be better to use standard capitalization for those lines.

2. Clarity: Some of the action in the scene could be described more clearly. For example, when Pa Peabody fires both barrels at the departing vehicle, the shot exploding in the dirt could be described in more detail to better visualize the impact. Additionally, the movement of the characters in relation to each other could be clarified.

3. Character motivation: Pa Peabody's reaction to the arrival of the DeLorean and his belief that his wife is a zombie feels slightly out of character. It would be helpful to provide more backstory or reasoning for his extreme reaction, otherwise it may seem exaggerated or inconsistent with his previous actions.

4. Transition: The transition between the previous scene and the current scene could be smoother. It is not clear why the DeLorean suddenly appears on the road, and it might be beneficial to provide a brief explanation or indication of how it got there.

Despite these points, the scene is engaging and creates a sense of tension and intrigue. The dialogue is realistic and moves the story forward. With a few adjustments, this scene could be even stronger.
Suggestions - Clarify the actions and movements of the characters in the scene. It can be a bit confusing with the quick cuts and movements.
- Develop the dialogue between Pa and Sherman further. Their conversation about the zombie and the comic book feels rushed and could use more depth.
- Provide more context for why Pa and Sherman are so quick to believe that Ma is a zombie. It feels a bit abrupt and random.
- Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and setting of the scene. It will help create a more vivid picture for the reader.
- Show Marty's reaction to his surroundings in 1955 more clearly. It's a big shock for him, so his emotions and disbelief should be highlighted.
- Make sure the transitions between scenes are smooth and logical. The current transitions feel abrupt and could be improved.
- Consider adding more dialogue to Marty's conversations with the people in Hill Valley. It will help establish the differences between 1955 and 1985 more effectively.



Scene 11 - Marty searches for Dr. Brown
43 INT. CAFÉ — DAY 43

A typical café/soda fountain of the period; 2 or 3 CUSTOMERS are at the counter.

Marty stares at the signs advertising menu items: Hamburger — 25 cents. Ham & Cheese
— 30 cents. Chocolate Sundae — 15 cents. A sign over the cigarette display says “All
Brands 20 cents.”

LOU, the counterman, spots Marty.

LOU
Lookin* for something, kid?

MARTY
Uh, the telephone?

Lou points it out, in back: a phone booth.

44 MARTY 44
goes into the phone booth and flips through the directory.

45 INSERT — DIRECTORY 45
Marty*s finger comes to rest at “Brown, Emmett L. (Scientist).” 1640 Riverside Dr. HIllside *
3-4385.

46 MARTY 46
smiles — just what he was hoping for. The sign on the phone says “Local Calls — 5 cents.”
Marty digs out a nickel and dials the number. It rings...and rings... and rings. No answer.
He hangs up.

MARTY
Not my day.

He rips the page out. *
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Comedy"]

Summary Marty searches for Dr. Brown's contact information and tries to call him.
Strengths "Well-paced, introduces anticipation for finding Dr. Brown"
Weaknesses "Lack of significant conflict"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is decent but could benefit from some improvements.

- The description of the café is lacking detail. It would be helpful to include more sensory information to create a more vivid picture in the reader's mind. For example, describing the sounds, smells, and atmosphere of the café could enhance the scene.

- The dialogue between Lou and Marty feels a bit bland and generic. It would be beneficial to inject some more personality into their conversation to make it more engaging and reflective of their characters. This could be achieved by giving Lou and Marty distinct voices and adding some subtext or conflict to their interaction.

- The transition from Marty locating the phone booth to him flipping through the directory is abrupt. It would be smoother to show or mention Marty approaching the phone booth before diving into the specific action of him flipping through the directory.

- The use of the "INSERT — DIRECTORY" is unnecessary. Instead of using a separate insert to show the directory, it would be more seamless to describe the action within the scene directly.

- The emotion and internal thoughts of Marty when he doesn't get an answer from his call could be further developed. Adding a line or two to show his disappointment or frustration could help convey his feelings more effectively.

- The last line, "Not my day. He rips the page out," feels a bit abrupt and doesn't provide a satisfying conclusion to the scene. It would be beneficial to find a stronger and more meaningful way to end the scene, perhaps by tying it back to the overall story or character arc.

By incorporating these suggestions, the scene could be strengthened and made more engaging for the reader.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual details to the café/soda fountain to give it a distinct atmosphere. Describe the décor, furniture, and any unique elements that could enhance the setting.

2. Show the interactions between the customers at the counter to create a sense of buzz and activity in the café.

3. Develop Lou's character more to make him memorable. Give him specific traits or quirks that differentiate him from a typical counterman. This could be reflected in his dialogue or actions.

4. Instead of Marty simply staring at the signs, show his emotions or thoughts through his body language or facial expressions. This will make the scene more engaging and reveal his desires or conflicts.

5. When Marty asks Lou for the telephone, include a brief exchange of dialogue that adds depth to their interaction. This could reveal a bit about Marty's personality or establish a friendly rapport between the two characters.

6. Make the discovery of the phone booth more visually interesting. Add some description to highlight its location or appearance in the cafe, making it stand out to the audience.

7. Consider revealing why Marty is looking for Emmett L. Brown (Scientist) earlier in the scene. This would give the audience more context and build anticipation for Marty's phone call.

8. Show Marty's frustration or disappointment more explicitly when there is no answer after he dials the number. This could be reflected in his body language, dialogue, or even a reaction shot.

9. Instead of casually ripping the page out of the directory, show Marty's determination or resolve by tearing it out forcefully. This will emphasize his determination and urgency to make contact with Emmett L. Brown.

10. Consider adding a subtle hint or foreshadowing to the scene that can generate intrigue or curiosity for the audience. This could be a small detail or line of dialogue that hints at a future event or development.



Scene 12 - Encounter with Biff
47 INT. CAFÉ 47

Marty saunters out of the phone booth and takes a seat at the counter. A NERDY
LOOKING KID is seated nearby, sipping a soda and reading a comic book.

Marty looks at Lou, indicating the address on the phone book page. *

MARTY *
Can you tell me where 1640 Riverside— *

LOU *
You gonna order something, kid? *

MARTY *
Uh, yeah. Gimme a Pepsi Free. *
LOU
Kid, if you want a Pepsi, you gotta pay for it.

MARTY
No, a Pepsi Free — you know, diet soda?

Lou looks at him like he*s from another planet.

LOU
No, I don*t know.

MARTY
Uh, well, just give me something to drink that doesn*t have sugar in it.

Lou gives him a look, then puts a cup of coffee in front of him. Marty looks at the bowl of
sugar cubes in front of him.

MARTY
Have you got any Sweet ‘N Low?

LOU
Sweet and what?
(eyeing him suspiciously)
Say, kid, you*d better pay for this right now.

MARTY
Okay.
He pulls out his wallet and gives Lou a crisp, new 20 dollar bill. Lou*s eyes nearly fall out of
his head.

LOU
A 20? What do you think this is, a bank? I can*t break a 20 for a nickel cup
of coffee. (suddenly suspicious) Say, what*s a kid your age doing with a 20
dollar bill anyway?

Marty gulps, pulls a nickel out of his pocket and takes back his 20. Lou gives him a look,
then walks away.

Marty raises his coffee cup and just as he*s about to take a sip...

VOICE (O.S.)
Hey, McFly!

MARTY
Huh?

He spins around on his stool.

The voice came from a PUNK, 17; behind him are 3 OTHER PUNKS. The lead punk is
coming right toward Marty... no, he*s stepping over to the NERDY KID next to him.

NERDY KID
Uh, hi, Biff, how*s it going?

Yes, the punk is BIFF TANNEN, aged 17! And the nerdy kid is GEORGE McFLY, also 17. *
Biff takes George*s soda and drinks it all. *

Biff*s boys buy cigarettes at the counter. They are MATCH, perpetually chewing a wooden
matchstick; SKINHEAD, who has a crewcut just this side of being bald; and 3-D, who
always wears red-green 3-D glasses.

Marty watches the exchange between Biff and George with utter amazement.

BIFF
You got my homework finished, McFly?

GEORGE
Well, no. I figured since it *s not due till Monday...

Biff knocks on George*s head.

BIFF
Hello? Anybody home? Think, McFly, think! I*ve gotta have time to recopy it.
Do you realize what would happen if I turned in MY homework in YOUR
handwriting? I’d get kicked out of school!
(notices Marty staring at him)
What are you lookin’ at, dipshit?

SKINHEAD
Biff — get a load of his shoes. This dork thinks he*s a leprechaun — he
painted ‘em green!
They all laugh. Biff turns back to George.

BIFF
So how about my homework, McFly?

GEORGE
Um, okay, Biff, I*ll do it tonight and bring it over first thing tomorrow.

BIFF
Not too early — I sleep in on Sundays. Oh, hey, McFly — your shoe*s
untied.

GEORGE
(looks down, falls for it)
Huh?

Biff hits him in the chin. He laughs loudly, as do his cronies... and they leave.

Marty, still in disbelief, turns to George.

MARTY
I don*t believe it. You*re George McFly...?

GEORGE
Uh-huh.

MARTY
Your birthday*s August 18th, and your mother*s name is Sylvia?

GEORGE
Uh-huh. Who are you?

MARTY
I*m a relative of yours. A very distant relative.

A BLACK BUSBOY has been sweeping up in the background, making his way over. He
looks at George. As he talks, we see he has a gold front tooth — it*s GOLDIE WILSON,
aged 22!

GOLDIE
Say, what do let that boy push you around for?

GEORGE
Well, uh, he*s bigger than me...

GOLDIE
Stand tall, boy. Have some respect for yourself. You let people walk over
you now, they*ll be walkin* over you for the rest of your life. Look at me. You
think I*m gonna spend the rest of my life in this slophouse?

LOU
(has heard the remark)
Watch it, Goldie.

GOLDIE
(he*s on a roll)
No, sir! I*m gonna make something of myself! I*m going to night school —
I*m gonna be somebody!

MARTY
That*s right — he*s gonna be Mayor someday.

This is an idea that*s never occurred to Goldie.

GOLDIE
Mayor? That*s a good idea! I could run for mayor!

George slips out as the conversation continues.

LOU
Ha! A colored mayor! That*ll be the day!

GOLDIE
You wait and see, Mr. Carruthers. I*m gonna be mayor.

LOU
Just keep sweeping, Goldie.

Now Marty notices that George has left. He goes out after him.

GOLDIE
(to himself)
“Mayor Goldie Wilson.” I like the sound of that.

48 EXT. — HILL VALLEY TOWN SQUARE 48

Marty looks around and sees GEORGE bicycling down the street.

MARTY
George! Hey, George! I want to talk to you!

But George doesn*t hear him. He disappears around a corner.

Marty runs after him.
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Comedy"]

Summary Marty encounters Biff Tannen and George McFly in a cafe. Biff bullies George about his homework, and Marty tries to intervene.
Strengths "Character development, comedic moments"
Weaknesses "Lack of high stakes, minimal emotional impact"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 7

Originality: 7

Although the scene features some common tropes (such as the bully character and the time travel plotline), it approaches these elements in a fresh and unique way. The dialogue and character interactions feel authentic and genuine.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 9

Marty's internal goal is to figure out a way to get back to his own time period, as he has accidentally traveled 30 years into the past.

External Goal: 8

Marty's external goal is to find the address he needs in order to warn his future parents about a dangerous event that may prevent his own future existence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The concept of fate and self-determination is explored in this scene, with Biff representing a deterministic view of the world and Goldie representing a belief in personal agency and determination.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 9

The witty banter and cultural references keep the audience engaged, while the tension of Marty's situation adds suspense.

Pacing: 8

The scene maintains a steady pace, but adds suspense and tension as Marty's situation becomes more urgent.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows appropriate formatting guidelines for a screenplay.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a standard structure for a dialogue-driven scene in a café setting.


Critique Overall, the scene effectively establishes the setting of a café and introduces some key characters. The dialogue between Marty and Lou is engaging, and it provides some insight into Marty's character and the time period. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

First, the scene could benefit from more specific and vivid descriptions of the characters and their actions. Instead of simply describing the Nerdy Looking Kid, it would be helpful to provide more details about his appearance and mannerisms to give the reader a clearer picture. Similarly, adding more physical actions and reactions from the characters would make the scene more dynamic.

The dialogue between Marty and Lou is a bit repetitive, particularly with Marty asking for a drink without sugar multiple times. It could be condensed to avoid unnecessary repetition and make the scene flow more smoothly.

Additionally, the introduction of Biff and George feels a bit abrupt. It would be helpful to provide some context or foreshadowing before their interaction, so the audience has a better understanding of their relationship and dynamics.

Lastly, the conversation between Goldie and George could be more clearly connected to the overall story or theme. As it stands, it feels a bit disjointed and unrelated to the rest of the scene. It would be beneficial to tie this conversation back to Marty's journey or the overarching plot in a more direct way.

Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from more specific descriptions, tighter dialogue, and better integration of the various interactions and conversations.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Character Development: Add more depth and personality to the characters. Explore their emotions, motives, and desires. Give them unique traits that make them memorable.

2. Dialogue: While the dialogue in this scene is functional, consider making it more engaging and authentic. Add subtext and nuance to the conversations to make them more interesting for the audience.

3. Visuals: Use descriptive language to enhance the visuals in the scene. Create vivid imagery and provide details that make the setting and actions more immersive for the reader.

4. Pacing: Ensure the scene moves at an appropriate pace. Consider trimming unnecessary dialogue or actions to keep the scene concise and impactful.

5. Conflict and Tension: Introduce and develop more conflict and tension between the characters. This will make the scene more engaging and drive the story forward.

6. Foreshadowing: Look for opportunities to foreshadow future events or themes in the scene. This will add depth and dimension to the story.

7. Theme and Tone: Consider how this scene contributes to the overall theme and tone of the movie. Make sure the scene aligns with the intended message or mood of the story.

8. Character Relationships: Explore the dynamics and relationships between the characters in the scene. Show how they interact and how they affect each other's actions and decisions.

Overall, focus on bringing more depth, emotion, and authenticity to the scene while ensuring it serves a purpose in the larger story.



Scene 13 - Marty Meets Lorraine
49 EXT. — A RESIDENTIAL STREET — DAY 49

The homes evoke pleasant nostalgia: front porches and white picket fences.

MARTY comes from around the corner and sees GEORGE*S BIKE parked underneath a
tree. Marty looks around, then spots

GEORGE up in the tree, precariously out on a branch overhanging the street, about 12 feet
up. George has a PAIR OF BINOCULARS trained on a second story window in the house
across the street.

MARTY can*t figure it out. He moves closer for a better view.

GEORGE focuses the binoculars.
50 GEORGE*S P.0.V. THRU BINOCULARS 50
of a NAKED GIRL in the 2nd story bedroom window, dressing. *

51 MARTY watches in disbelief as he realizes what George is doing. 51

MARTY
He*s a peeping tom!

52 GEORGE*S P.O.V. 52
as the girl moves closer to the window.

53 GEORGE tries to move closer, but loses his balance — he tumbles into the street! 53

WIDER

MARTY watches as George groans, then slowly tries to get up. Now a CAR comes from
around the corner.

George doesn*t see it, but Marty can see that it*s going to hit George.

MARTY
Dad! Look out!

But George is still dazed. Marty dashes into the street, and in a spectacular flying leap,
knocks him out of the path of the oncoming car.

As Marty moves to avoid the car, the car swerves in the SAME DIRECTION — there*s a
screech of brakes, and the car hits Marty!

George, never one to get involved, grabs his bike and pedals off, leaving Marty lying in the
street, unconscious.

DISSOLVE TO:

54 INT. DARKENED BEDROOM — NIGHT 54

MARTY is lying in bed, lit by ambient light from a doorway. FEMALE HANDS place a cold
compress on the bruise on his forehead. Marty groans and stirs.

MARTY
Mom? Is that you?

WOMAN
Ssshhh. Everything*s going to be all right.


It sounds like his mother. He opens his eyes. All he can see is her silhouette.

MARTY
God, what a horrible nightmare. I dreamt I went way back in time...

He starts to sit up.

WOMAN
Take it easy, now... you*ve been asleep for almost 9 hours. *
MARTY
It was terrible. It was a terrible place to be. The music was awful — they *
didn*t have rock. The cars were ugly. My neighborhood hadn*t been built *
yet, and everything was so weird looking. *

WOMAN
Well, you*re safe and sound, back where you belong, in good old 1955.

MARTY
1955!

She turns on the bedside lamp. It*s the same girl George was spying on, and Marty
recognizes her just as we do...

MARTY
Oh my God. You*re — you*re my— my—

LORRAINE
My name*s Lorraine. Lorraine Baines.

Marty stares at her for a long moment.

MARTY
But — but you*re so thin!

LORRAINE
Just relax, Calvin. You got quite a bruise on your head.

MARTY
(looks under the blankets)
Uh... where are my pants?

LORRAINE
(points)
Over there on the chair.
(notices the color of his underwear) *
I*ve never seen red underwear before, Calvin.

Marty covers himself up. *

MARTY
Calvin? Why are you calling me Calvin?

LORRAINE
Well, isn*t that your name — Calvin Klein? It*s written in your underwear.
(suddenly realizing)
Oh — I guess people call you Cal.

MARTY
No, well, actually people call me Marty.

LORRAINE
Well, I*m pleased to meet you, Marty.

She comes over and sits on the bed right next to him. She*s very interested in him.
LORRAINE
Mind if I sit here?

MARTY
(gulps, nervous)
Uh... no...

Marty moves as far away as he can without falling off the bed. He holds the blanket tight
around his waist. She looks at him, fascinated.

LORRAINE
That is quite a bruise there...

She gently strokes his bruised forehead... and then runs her hand through his hair. Marty
moves even further — and falls off the bed! He covers himself with the blankets.

STELLA (O.S.)
Lorraine? Are you up there?

We hear FOOTSTEPS coming up the stairs.

LORRAINE
(to Marty)
It*s my mother! Quick, put your pants back on!

She throws him his pants. *

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Comedy"]

Summary Marty wakes up after passing out in the street and realizes he has traveled back in time to 1955. He is cared for by Lorraine, the girl his father was spying on earlier. They have an awkward conversation and Marty realizes he needs to find a way back to his own time.
Strengths "Humorous dialogue, introduction of Lorraine's character"
Weaknesses "Lack of significant conflict or dramatic tension"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 8

The scene is fresh and original, providing a unique take on time travel. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue is well executed.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 9

Marty's internal goal in this scene is to figure out what happened to him after he blacked out. He is confused about his surroundings and is struggling to understand if he really traveled back in time.

External Goal: 8

Marty's external goal in this scene is to find his pants and understand where he is.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no philosophical conflict evident in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 9

The scene is engaging due to its use of visual storytelling and the audience's curiosity regarding Marty's situation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well executed, providing clear storytelling and dramatic tension.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows expected formatting for its genre, maintaining readability and clarity of vision.

Structure: 8

The scene follows expected structure for storytelling in its genre.


Critique Overall, this scene effectively sets up conflict and introduces important character dynamics. Here are some specific critiques and suggestions for improvement:

1. Improve the visual descriptions: While the general description of the setting is decent, it would benefit from more specific and vivid details. Instead of just mentioning "front porches and white picket fences," consider describing the houses in more detail to create a clearer image in the reader's mind.

2. Add more internal thoughts and emotions: In order to provide deeper insights into the characters, it would be helpful to include more internal thoughts and emotions. This will make it easier for the readers to connect with the characters and understand their motivations.

3. Develop the conflict more effectively: The conflict in this scene is centered around George's voyeuristic behavior and Marty's discovery of it. While it's clear that Marty is shocked by what he witnesses, it would be beneficial to further explore his emotional reaction and possible internal struggle about how to handle the situation.

4. Strengthen the action and dialogue: The action and dialogue in this scene are serviceable, but could be more engaging and impactful. Consider adding more specific actions and reactions to heighten the tension and make the scene more visually engaging. Additionally, explore ways to make the dialogue more dynamic and reflective of the characters' personalities and emotions.

Overall, while this scene does a decent job of setting up conflict and introducing key character dynamics, there are areas that could be strengthened to create a more compelling and memorable scene.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively sets up the conflict and introduces the time travel element. However, there are a few suggestions to enhance the scene:

1. Clarify the location: Describe the residential street more specifically, such as the type of neighborhood or the town it is in. This will help create a more vivid setting for the scene.

2. Show Marty's reaction: In the line "Marty can't figure it out," it would be beneficial to show his confusion or surprise rather than simply stating it. This can be done through a brief physical action or facial expression.

3. Build suspense: When George loses his balance and falls into the street, consider adding a moment of tension or suspense by emphasizing the impending danger. This can be done by describing the car approaching with increased speed or the screeching of its brakes.

4. Show George's reaction: After Marty saves him from being hit by the car, show George's immediate reaction. This will help develop his character as well as highlight his lack of involvement and self-centeredness.

5. Smooth transition: The transition from George riding away on his bike to Marty waking up in the darkened bedroom feels abrupt. Consider adding a transition shot or a brief description of the passing of time to create a smoother transition.

6. Show Marty's confusion: When Marty wakes up in the bedroom, show his confusion and disorientation upon realizing he is in a different time. This can be conveyed through his speech or body language.

7. Foreshadowing: When Lorraine mentions Marty's red underwear, it can be used as a subtle foreshadowing moment that hints at the impact Marty's presence will have on the future.

8. Adjust dialogue: Consider adjusting some of the dialogue to sound more natural and conversational, particularly in the interaction between Lorraine and Marty. This will make their conversation feel more authentic.

By implementing these suggestions, the scene can be further enhanced and contribute to the overall effectiveness of the screenplay.



Scene 14 - Dinner at the Baines' House
55 INT. DINING ROOM — NIGHT 55

Marty takes a seat at the dinner table next to Lorraine as MRS. STELLA BAINES, 40 and
pregnant, makes the introductions to the KIDS. The chair at the head of the table is empty. *

STELLA
That*s Milton, that*s Sally, that*s Toby...

MILTON, 12, wears a DAVY CROCKETT COONSKIN CAP; SALLY is 6, TOBY is 4.

STELLA
(continuing)
...and next to you there in the playpen is little Joey.

Marty turns and looks with amazement at 11-month old JOEY rattling the bars of his
playpen.

MARTY
(whispers to him)
So you*re my Uncle Joey. Get used to those bars, kid.

STELLA
Oh, yes, little Joey loves being in his pen. He actually cries when we take
him out, so we leave him in there all the time — it seems to make him
happy. Have some meat loaf, Marty.
She hands him a plate of MEAT LOAF. It looks like the same meat loaf he had for dinner in
1985... in fact, the whole dinner is the same!

STELLA
(calls into the other room)
Sam, would you quit fiddling with that thing and come in here and eat?
(to Milton)
Milton, don*t eat so fast!
(to Lorraine)
Lorraine, you*re not eating enough. Have some mashed potatoes.

LORRAINE
No thanks, Mom.

Now gruff SAM BAINES, 45, rolls in a brand new television, on a plywood dolly of his own
construction.

SAM
Look at this: it rolls. Now we can watch Jackie Gleason while we eat.

MILTON
Oh boy!

Sam fiddles with the rabbit ears and brings in a rather muddy image of a cigarette
commercial.

56 ON TV 56

a SURGEON steps out of an operating room, lights up a cigarette, and turns to do a
testimonial.

DOCTOR (on TV)
After facing the tension of doing 3 lung operations in a row, I like to relax by
lighting up a “Sir Randolph.” I know its fine tobacco taste will soothe my
nerves and improve my circulation...

57 SAM 57
Look at that picture: crystal clear! Why would anybody want to go to the
movies when you can see this in your own home — free!

LORRAINE
(to Marty, explaining)
Our first television set. Dad picked it up today. Do you have a television?

MARTY
Uh... yeah... two of ‘em. *

MILTON
Wow! You must be rich!

STELLA
Milton, he*s teasing you. Nobody has two television sets. *

“The Honeymooners” has resumed — the classic “Man From Space” episode.
MARTY
Hey, I*ve seen this one — this is a good one. This is where Ralph dresses
up as “the man from space.”

MILTON
What do you mean, you*ve seen it? It*s brand new.

MARTY
I saw it on a rerun.

MILTON
What *s a rerun?

MARTY
You*ll find out.

SAM
Quiet! I want to hear this!

STELLA
Marty, I*d like to give your mother a call and let her know you*re all right.

MARTY
(gives Lorraine a glance)
Uh, well, no — you can*t.

STELLA
Why not?

MARTY
Uh — she*s out of town. With my Dad. *
(pulls out the phone book page) *
Could you tell me where Riverside Drive is?
*
SAM *
Riverside? Sure, it*s on the east end of town, a block past Maple.
*
MARTY *
A block past Maple? But that*s Kennedy Drive.
*
SAM *
Pardon me?
*
MARTY *
That*s John F. Kennedy Drive.
*
SAM *
Who in the world is John F. Kennedy?
*
MARTY *
(realizes the problem) *
Never mind.
*
LORRAINE *
Mother, with Marty*s parents out of town, don*t you think he should spend *
the night here? I*d hate for anything to happen to him with that bruise on his
head.

She gives him a flirtatious smile.

STELLA
Marty, Lorraine is right. You must spend the night. You*re our responsibility.

MARTY
Uh, gee, I don*t know...

LORRAINE

And he can sleep in my room.

UNDER THE TABLE, Lorraine puts her hand on Marty*s leg. Marty immediately jumps to
his feet.

MARTY
Uh, actually, I*ve really gotta be going... *
(he*s backing out, toward the front door)
So, thank you for everything, and I*ll see you all later. Much later.

He turns and hurries out of the house.

Lorraine sighs romantically.

CUT TO:

58 OMITTED 58*

59 OMITTED 59*
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Marty has dinner with the Baines family, who he realizes are his relatives in 1955. They watch television together and Marty tries to navigate the differences in technology and pop culture. Lorraine flirts with Marty and suggests he spend the night.
Strengths "The scene provides comedic moments and highlights the culture clash between 1950s and 1980s. The dialogue is witty and the character interactions are engaging."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks high stakes and significant character changes. The flirting between Marty and Lorraine feels somewhat forced."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 9

The scene features a unique combination of time travel and family dynamics, creating a fresh and entertaining story. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and relatable, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 9

Marty's internal goal in this scene is to survive in an unfamiliar environment and avoid changing the course of his future by interfering with his parents' initial meeting. He must also learn to adapt to a different set of social norms and expectations.

External Goal: 8

Marty's external goal in this scene is to find his way back to the future by locating Doc Brown and the DeLorean. His interactions with his newfound family provide him with clues about his parents' lives and their whereabouts in the present day.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene centers around the clash between old and new, traditional and modern. Marty's arrival from the future disrupts the stagnant status quo and challenges the characters' beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 8

The scene is engaging because it adds humor to a tense situation and creates a relatable scenario in an unfamiliar setting. The characters are likable and have clear motivations, making the audience invested in their actions and outcomes.

Pacing: 10

The pacing of the scene is effective because it balances exposition, humor, and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story. The rhythm of the dialogue and action lines flows smoothly and adds to the comedic tone of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of the scene follows standard screenplay formatting, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action lines. It adheres to the expected format for a screenplay in its genre.

Structure: 10

The structure of the scene follows a traditional three-act structure, with clear character introductions, conflict, and resolution. It fits the expected format for a comedic family drama.


Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. It effectively introduces the characters and provides some insight into their dynamic and the time period. However, there are a few areas that could use improvement:

1. Description: The scene could benefit from more descriptive language to paint a clearer picture in the reader's mind. For example, instead of just saying "the chair at the head of the table is empty," the writer could describe the size of the table, the type of chairs, and the overall atmosphere of the room.

2. Dialogue: The dialogue is generally realistic and serves to reveal information about the characters and their relationships. However, some of the lines feel a bit on-the-nose, like when Marty whispers to Joey in the playpen. It may be more effective to show Marty's fascination with the bars through his actions rather than having him vocalize it.

3. Pacing: The scene starts off strong with the introductions and the revelation of "little Joey" in the playpen. However, the pacing begins to slow down towards the end when Marty and Lorraine discuss him spending the night. The scene could benefit from tightening up the dialogue and condensing the interaction to keep the momentum going.

4. Visuals: While the scene does a good job of describing the characters and their actions, there could be more visual elements incorporated to enhance the storytelling. For example, instead of just mentioning that Sam rolls in a brand new television, the writer could describe the make and model, as well as the reactions of the characters as they see it.

Overall, with some tweaks to description, dialogue, pacing, and visuals, the scene has the potential to be even more impactful and engaging.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Provide more description: Add more description to set the mood and tone of the scene. For example, describe the atmosphere of the dining room - is it cozy and warm or cold and sterile? This will help the reader visualize the setting better.

2. Show instead of telling: Instead of telling the audience that little Joey loves being in his playpen, show it through his actions. Describe how he interacts with the bars, how he reacts when taken out of the playpen, etc. This will make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

3. Add conflict: Introduce a conflict in the scene to create tension and keep the audience engaged. For example, when Marty asks Joey to get used to the bars, have Stella react defensively and explain why they have to keep Joey in the playpen. This will add depth to the characters and create a more interesting dynamic.

4. Develop the characters: Give the characters more personality and depth. For example, when Lorraine suggests that Marty spend the night, show Marty's internal conflict. Is he attracted to Lorraine but hesitant because of his mission? Explore his thoughts and emotions to make the audience connect with him on a deeper level.

5. Streamline dialogue: Some of the dialogue can be trimmed to make it more concise and natural. Simplify the exchanges to make them flow smoothly and eliminate unnecessary repetition.

6. Clarify the action: In the action lines, be clear and specific about the characters' movements and reactions. This will make the scene easier to visualize for the reader.

7. Consider pacing: Look for opportunities to tighten the scene and make it more concise. Remove any unnecessary dialogue or action that doesn't contribute to the overall story or character development. This will help maintain the momentum of the script.

Overall, focus on creating a more engaging and compelling scene by adding conflict, developing characters, and improving the pacing and dialogue.



Scene 15 - Doc Brown's Invention
60 EXT. DR. BROWN*S HOUSE 60

The house at 1640 Riverside Drive is spectacular, the home of a very wealthy man. *

Marty ogles it as he walks up to the front door. He checks the address against the page he
ripped out of the phone book: it checks.

All the lights are on — a PARTY is going on inside. Marty rings the doorbell.

It*s answered by DR. BROWN, aged 35. Brown is dressed in evening clothes, and is *
flanked by TWO LOVELY GIRLS. *

BROWN

Hiya, kid. Looking for somebody?

MARTY
Uhhh, Dr. Brown — yeah, you ARE Dr. Brown... Boy, am I glad to see you. *

BROWN *
Do I know you, kid? *
MARTY
Well, not exactly — that is, not yet. My name*s Marty — Marty McFly. Now *
what I*m about to say is going to sound incredible, but you*re the only man *
on earth who*ll believe it...
(he takes a deep breath)
I*m from the future.

BROWN *
(smiles) *
Great sales pitch, kid — terrific. So what are you selling? Floor wax? *

MARTY *
No, I*m serious! You*ve gotta believe me! You*re the only one who can get *
me back home! *

BROWN *
Get you back home? Kid, I think you got me confused with the Wizard of Oz. *

MARTY *
Look, I can prove I*m from 1985! *


Marty pulls out his wallet and starts showing the contents to Brown. *

MARTY
See this? My driver*s license — expires 1987. Look at my birthdate — I *
haven*t even been born yet.
(pulls out a 20 dollar bill)
Look at this money: “Series 1981.”
(pulls out a color snapshot)
Here*s a picture of me, my sister, and my brother. Look at her sweatshirt: it
says “Class of ‘84.”

Brown gives it all a cursory look, particularly the snapshot.

BROWN
Oh, I get it — you*re selling trick film. This is great — it really looks like the *
guy*s got no head. Very clever. *

MARTY
Huh?

Brown hands it back to Marty. Marty looks at it. *

60-A INSERT — THE SNAPSHOT 60-A*

Sure enough, the image of Dave in the photo has no head. It*s not torn, or rubbed off —
the figure genuinely is headless.

60-B EXT. BROWN*S HOUSE — ON MARTY AND BROWN 60-B*

Marty stares at it, unable to figure it out.
BROWN
(continuing)
I*d buy a roll, but I*m not much of a photographer.

MARTY
Doctor Brown, this is no trick. I really am from the future.

Brown rolls his eyes.

BROWN
Well then, tell me something, young man from the future: who*s the
president of the United States in 1985?

MARTY
Ronald Reagan.

Brown and the girls burst out laughing.

BROWN
That*s a good one! The kid *s a riot! A regular riot!
(pulls out his wallet)
Here*s 5 bucks, kid! Thanks for the laughs!

He hands Marty a five, then closes the door.

Marty sighs, then walks around the side of the house and looks in the window.

60-C MARTY*S P.O.V. THRU THE WINDOW — BROWN*S LIVING ROOM 60-C*

The PARTY is an eclectic collection of SOCIETY TYPES, COLLEGE TYPES, BEAT
GENERATION TYPES, and lots of attractive W OMEN.

Brown wanders over to the best looking WOMAN in the place. Brown whispers into her ear.
She responds by hitting him in the head with a BEER BOTTLE! Brown goes down, dazed.

She walks off in a huff.

Brown rubs his head... then his eyes open wide in the same crazed expression we *ve seen
in 1985.

BROWN
Of course. Of course! It*s so obvious!
(jumps to his feet, shouts)
All right, the party*s over! Everybody go home! I have work to do!

The guests exchange looks.

BROWN
Go home! Everybody out! I need quiet!

Some of the guests begin to leave.

60-D EXT. BROWN*S HOUSE — ON MARTY 60-D*

Marty realizes what has just happened. He gets an idea.
CUT TO:
61 61*
Thru OMITTED Thru*
63 63*
64 INT. BROWN*S GARAGE/WORKSHOP — NIGHT 64

It*s a large closed garage, with a PACKARD CONVERTIBLE and a large work area, *
organized and well-kept. *
A clock shows the time is 12:45. *

BROWN is hunched over his workbench, furiously scribbling down notes and plans. He*s
disheveled — he*s been here for a while.

Brown *s DOG is sitting near its “bed.” The name on the dog dish is “COPERNICUS.”
Copernicus suddenly reacts to something...

MARTY appears at a partially open WINDOW. He opens it the rest of the way and climbs
in.

MARTY
Doc, listen, you gotta hear me out—

BROWN
Get lost kid! I*m working! *

MARTY
I know! And I know what you*re doing — you*re inventing time travel. It
came to you in a vision when you got hit over the head with that beer bottle.
And that thing you*re drawing is the T.F.C. — the Temporal Field Capacitor!

Brown is totally astonished.

BROWN
My God. How did you know that?

MARTY
I told you — I*m from the future.

With that, he walks over to the garage door and raises the overhead door, revealing THE
DELOREAN sitting there in the driveway.

Brown *s mouth falls open as he stares at it — and the mechanism visible through the open
gull wing door. He grabs the DRAWING he*s been working on and runs over to the
DeLorean to compare it.

It*s a DRAWING OF TIE T.F.C.! It matches the real thing perfectly.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Comedy","Science Fiction"]

Summary Marty arrives at Dr. Brown's house and tries to convince him that he is from the future, but Brown does not believe him. Marty then witnesses Brown getting hit on the head by a woman at the party. Suddenly, Brown has a revelation and tells everyone to leave. Marty sneaks into Brown's garage and reveals that he knows about Brown's invention, the Temporal Field Capacitor. Brown is amazed and compares Marty's drawing to the actual DeLorean time machine in his garage, finding them to be identical.
Strengths "The scene introduces the iconic DeLorean time machine and showcases the relationship between Marty and Doc Brown, highlighting their differences and potential for collaboration. The comedic elements add entertainment value."
Weaknesses "The scene may rely heavily on dialogue and exposition, which could make it feel less visually engaging compared to other scenes."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 9

The scene introduces the concept of time travel in a unique and fresh way by having Marty travel back in time by accident. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue further adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 10

Marty's internal goal is to convince Dr. Brown that he is from the future and to get his help to go back to 1985.

External Goal: 10

Marty's external goal is to convince Dr. Brown that he is from the future and to get his help to go back to 1985.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 10

The lively and humorous dialogue, the introduction of the time machine, and the tension of the main conflict make this scene engaging.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective, with a mix of action and dialogue that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, introducing the protagonist, the setting, and the main conflict.


Critique As a screenwriting expert, here are some critiques for the scene:

1. Clear description: The scene starts with a clear exterior description of Dr. Brown's house, setting the location for the audience. However, there could be more description about the style or architecture of the house to enhance the visuals for the audience.

2. Character introductions: The characters of Marty and Dr. Brown are introduced well, giving us their names and brief descriptions. However, there could be more details to provide a visual image of their appearances. Additionally, the two lovely girls flanking Dr. Brown are mentioned, but there is no further description or indication of their importance to the scene.

3. Dialogue: The dialogue between Marty and Dr. Brown is engaging and carries the story forward. It reveals important information about Marty's situation and his need for Dr. Brown's help. However, some of the dialogue could be tightened to make it more concise and impactful.

4. Proof of time travel: Marty presents his driver's license, money, and a photo as proof of being from 1985. This is effective in showing evidence, but the impact could be heightened by focusing on one piece of evidence and making it stand out more. Additionally, Marty's reaction to the headless photo could be described more vividly to create a stronger visual for the audience.

5. Comedy beats: The comedic elements in the scene, like Dr. Brown's sarcastic responses and the humor around Ronald Reagan being the president, work well to lighten the tone. However, it might be helpful to pace the comedy beats for better comic timing during the exchange between Marty and Dr. Brown.

6. Transition: The transition from Dr. Brown's door being closed to Marty discovering him in the garage could be smoother. It would benefit from a clearer transition or reason for Marty to check the garage, rather than it feeling like a sudden jump in location.

7. Discovering the time machine: The moment of Dr. Brown's astonishment when he sees the DeLorean and the comparison of his drawing to the real thing is an exciting turning point in the scene. However, the description could be more detailed to emphasize the significance and impact of this moment.

Overall, the scene effectively introduces the dynamic between Marty and Dr. Brown and sets up the discovery of the time machine. With some adjustments to description and dialogue, the scene could be even stronger.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual details: Instead of simply stating that the house is "spectacular", give specific details that paint a vivid picture for the reader, such as the size, architecture, and landscaping.

2. Provide clearer character descriptions: Instead of simply stating that Dr. Brown is aged 35, give a more detailed description of his appearance and demeanor to help readers visualize him better.

3. Enhance character interactions: Show more physical actions or reactions to help convey emotions and create a more dynamic scene. For example, Marty could nervously fidget with his hands or Dr. Brown could raise an eyebrow or smile wryly during their conversation.

4. Cut unnecessary dialogue: Trim down repetitive or unnecessary dialogue to make the scene more concise and impactful. For example, Marty's repetition of "not exactly" when introducing himself could be eliminated.

5. Show Marty's desperation: Add more urgency to Marty's pleas to Dr. Brown, emphasizing his desperation to go back to the future. This will help readers understand the stakes and make his attempts to convince Dr. Brown more compelling.

6. Use visual cues: Instead of stating that Marty pulls out his wallet and shows the contents to Brown, use visual cues to show Marty's actions. For example, Marty could nervously fish out his wallet from his pocket and quickly flip it open to reveal his driver's license, creating a more visual and engaging moment.

7. Create a stronger reaction from Dr. Brown: Instead of having Dr. Brown give Marty's evidence a cursory glance, make him more intrigued and curious. Show him examining each item carefully, maybe even double-checking Marty's birthdate or inspecting the money closely, to create a sense of doubt or realization.

8. Build tension: Increase the tension in the scene by adding more suspenseful moments. For example, when Marty looks through the window and sees Dr. Brown getting hit with the beer bottle, heighten the tension by having Marty react in shock or concern.

9. Clearly establish Marty's goal: Make it more explicit that Marty's goal is to convince Dr. Brown to help him go back to the future. This will provide a more clear and defined objective for the scene and increase the audience's investment in Marty's mission.

10. End with a cliffhanger: Instead of cutting to the next scene, leave the audience hanging by ending the scene with Marty revealing the DeLorean and Dr. Brown's shocked reaction. This will create anticipation for the next scene and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 16 - Discovering the Power Source
65 INT. BROWN*S GARAGE — A LITTLE LATER — NIGHT 65

The DeLorean is now in the garage; the garage door is closed. The 1985 suitcase is open,
and we can see its contents — clothes, toilet articles, and a CONAIR (battery) HAIR
DRYER.
MARTY is busily attaching the video camera into a 1953 model TV.

MARTY
Okay, Doc. Take a look at this... *

Brown comes over and Marty rolls the tape he shot in the mall parking lot where Brown is
explaining the operation of the time machine.

Brown is amazed to see himself as a man of 65.

BROWN
Why — that*s me! I*m an old man! Incredible! Thank God I*ve still got my
hair... baldness runs in my family, you know. But what on earth am I
wearing?

MARTY
A radiation suit!

BROWN
Of course, because of all the fallout from the Atomic wars. And what*s that
thing around my neck?

MARTY
Indian jewelry.

BROWN
I’m not even gonna ask.

66 ON TV 66

The part of the tape comes up about the Plutonium. We see the image of the Plutonium
cannister with old Dr. Brown next to it.

MARTY
(V.O. tape)
Plutonium? You mean this sucker*s nuclear?

OLD BROWN
(on TV)
Electrical. But I need a nuclear reaction to generate the 1.21 jigowatts of
electricity I need...

67 YOUNG BROWN is taken aback. 67

BROWN
1.21 JIGOWATTS? Kid, you*re outta gas, going no place fast.

MARTY
Huh?

BROWN
Look, I*m sure that in 1985, plutonium is available in any corner drug store.
But in 1955, it’s a little hard to come by. And unless you figure on driving out
into a nuclear test site while an A-bomb*s going off, I*m afraid you*re stuck
here.
MARTY
But isn*t there some other way to generate that kind of power?

BROWN
1.21 jigowatts? Oh, sure. We can tie into Hoover Dam with a very long
cable. Or we build a turbine on the back of this thing and you can drive it
over Niagara Falls. Or you can drive across the country at 88 miles an hour
and hope that you get struck by a bolt of lightning.

MARTY
Lightning! Hold the phone, Doc — check this out!

Marty pulls out the “Save the Clock Tower” flyer from his pocket (with it is the mysterious
“headless snapshot” we saw earlier). Marty shows the flyer to Brown.

68 INSERT — FLYER 68

It includes a photocopy of a NEWSPAPER ARTICLE, dated March 27, 1955, with a picture
of the clock tower stopped at 10:02.” The headline: “CLOCK TOWER STRUCK BY
LIGHTNING. CLOCK STOPPED AT 10:02.”

69 BACK TO SHOT 69

Brown reads it, nodding. He*s getting an idea.

BROWN
Kid, if this is true, we just might be able to get your ass back to the future!
It*s totally insane, but it*s certainly no crazier than building a nuclear reactor
onto the back of a car... According to this, we know the exact moment
lightning will strike a specific spot — at 10:02 p.m. and 11 seconds on next
Saturday. All I have to do is rig up a conducting system that*ll channel the
lightning directly into the T.F.C. As long as you*re doing 88 miles an hour
when it happens... See you later, alligator.

But Marty isn*t paying attention. He*s looking at the snapshot again, and he*s quite
concerned.

BROWN
What *s wrong, kid?

MARTY
I don*t know, but something weird is going on with this picture. My brother —
he*s fading out...

BROWN
Lemme see that...

Brown studies it. He too reacts with concern.

70 INSERT — SNAPSHOT 70

Indeed, more of Dave has faded away — his neck is gone, along with part of his shoulders.

71 BACK TO SHOT 71
MARTY
It looks like he*s being erased or something...

BROWN
Erased from existence...
(to Marty, urgently)
Kid — we *ve gotta get you some new clothes!

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Comedy"]

Summary Marty shows Dr. Brown a video tape of himself explaining the time machine operation in the future. Brown is amazed to see his older self and curious about the radiation suit and Indian jewelry he's wearing. They discuss the need for a nuclear reaction to generate power and how it's difficult to come by plutonium in 1955. Marty suggests using lightning as a power source, which Brown finds intriguing. They come up with a plan to harness the lightning on Saturday at 10:02 PM. Meanwhile, Marty notices his brother fading away in a snapshot and expresses concern.
Strengths "The scene effectively introduces the concept of using lightning as a power source and sets up the plan to harness it. The dialogue between Marty and Dr. Brown is engaging and reveals their resourcefulness and determination to find a way back to the future. The tension is heightened by Marty's realization that his brother is fading away in the snapshot."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the excitement and impact of the concept. The theme of family and the potential consequences of altering the past could be explored more deeply."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 8

This scene takes a fresh approach to the sci-fi genre by combining time travel with everyday objects. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and stay true to their established personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 8

Marty's internal goal is to find a way back to 1985.

External Goal: 9

Marty's external goal is to find a way to generate 1.21 gigawatts of electricity to power the time machine.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 10

This scene is engaging because it balances plot progression with humor and suspense. The audience is invested in discovering how Marty will generate enough electricity for the time machine while also being entertained by the characters' interactions and witty dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building suspense, especially during the reveal of Dave's fading away in the photo. However, some of the dialogue exchanges between Marty and Brown could have been trimmed for a tighter pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of the scene adheres to the traditional screenplay format with clear scene directions and character dialogue labeling.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene is well-organized and follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven, plot-advancing scene.


Critique Overall, this scene effectively conveys important information and progresses the story. The dialogue between Marty and Brown helps to explain the plot and establish the urgency of finding a solution. The introduction of the lightning strike as a potential solution is well set up through the "Save the Clock Tower" flyer and the newspaper article.

However, there are a few areas where this scene could be improved. Firstly, the action lines could be more descriptive and engaging. For example, instead of simply stating that Marty is "busily attaching the video camera into a 1953 model TV," the action could be described in a more visual and dynamic way.

Additionally, the dialogue exchanges between Marty and Brown could be tightened to make them more concise and impactful. Some of the lines feel a bit repetitive, such as when Marty asks if there is another way to generate the power and Brown responds with a list of options. This repetition could be eliminated to make the scene more efficient.

Finally, the emotional reactions of Marty and Brown to the snapshot fading away could be further explored and heightened. This moment is significant for the characters, as it symbolizes the potential erasure of Marty's brother from existence. Adding more emphasis on their emotional distress can create a stronger impact for the audience.

Overall, this scene effectively moves the story forward and introduces important plot points. With some adjustments to the action lines, dialogue exchanges, and emotional beats, it could become even more dynamic and engaging.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more description: In the scene description, provide more details about the setting and atmosphere of the garage. This will help set the tone and enhance the visuals for the reader.

2. Clarify actions: In some instances, the actions of the characters are not clear. Add more specific details to convey their movements and gestures, such as Marty attaching the video camera or Marty pulling out the flyer from his pocket.

3. Show reactions: Include more reactions from the characters to emphasize their emotions and feelings. For example, describe Marty's excitement as he shows the video to Doc and Doc's astonishment as he realizes he has aged.

4. Develop dialogue: Consider adding more dialogue or expanding on existing lines to provide more depth and dimension to the characters. This can help reveal their personalities and motivations. Also, make sure the dialogue flows naturally and is true to each character's voice.

5. Increase tension: The scene could benefit from a higher level of tension, especially as Marty discovers that his brother is fading away in the snapshot. Heighten the urgency and concern of both Marty and Doc to highlight the stakes involved.

6. Use visual elements: Find opportunities to incorporate visual cues or props that further enhance the storytelling. For example, instead of just mentioning the 1985 suitcase, describe it in a way that adds texture and adds to the character's journey.

Overall, focus on creating a visually engaging and emotionally resonant scene that advances the plot and character development.



Scene 17 - Repairing the Damage
72 EXT. HILL VALLEY HIGH SCHOOL — DAY 72

Hill Valley High looks pretty much the same in 1955, but with a little less graffiti. There is
not much activity in front — school is in session.

BROWN*S PACKARD pulls up and DR. BROWN and MARTY get out.

Marty is now dressed in total 1955 period garb. He and Brown ascend the school steps.
Marty seems unsure, confused.

MARTY
Are you sure about this?

BROWN
Figure it out, kid. Your old man was supposed to get hit by your Grandpa*s
car, not you — therefore, you interfered in your parents* first meeting. If they
don*t meet, they don*t fall in love; if they don*t fall in love, they don*t get
married; if they don*t get married they don*t have kids. That*s why your
older brother*s fading out — he*s being erased from existence. He *s first,
since he*s the oldest. Your sister*ll be next... and then you... unless you
repair the damage by getting your folks back together. Once you introduce
‘em to each other, nature will take its course.
(a beat)
I hope.

Marty pauses to check his reflection in the windowed door. He combs back his slicked
down hair in a ducktail, only to get a handful of “greasy kid stuff.”

MARTY
I can*t believe you actually put this crap in your hair.

BROWN
Come on kid, let*s get this over with.

Brown pulls him inside.

73 P.O.V. THRU A CLASSROOM DOOR 73
on the STUDENTS OF AN ORDINARY 1955 History class, taking a test. LORRAINE can
be clearly seen.

74 MARTY AND DR. BROWN are watching from the HALL. 74

MARTY
(points her out to Brown)
That*s her — in the 2nd row... Jesus! She*s cheating!
75 THEIR P.O.V. OF 75

LORRAINE, copying an answer from the boy sitting next to her.

76 THE SCHOOL BELL RINGS in the hall. It*s passing period. 76

ANOTHER CLASSROOM DOOR opens and students head out for the next class.
GEORGE McFLY is one of them. His shirt tail is out, his hair is poorly combed, and papers
are practically falling out of his 3-ring binder.

MARTY AND DR. BROWN watch from down the hall.

BROWN
So which one*s your father?

MARTY
(points)
That*s him...

As GEORGE walks down the hall, students laugh at him behind his back, and some of the
boys kick him in the ass.

George turns. He has a “KICK ME“ sign hooked on his collar. DR. BROW N shakes his
head at this pathetic sight.

BROWN
(to Marty)
Are you sure you*re not adopted?

Now a hand yanks George by the arm: MR. STRICKLAND — and he looks exactly the
same! Marty is amazed.

STRICKLAND
McFly! Shape up, man!

He pulls the sign off George*s shirt and shows it to him.

STRICKLAND
You*re a slacker! Do you want to be a slacker for the rest of your life?

George shakes his head unconvincingly.

Marty and Brown look down the hall in the opposite direction where

LORRAINE is at her locker, giggling with a girl friend.

ON MARTY AND BROWN

BROWN
Looks like a match made in heaven.

MARTY
My mom always said it was meant to be. I sure hope she*s right...

Marty takes a deep breath and starts walking toward George.
MARTY
George! Hey, buddy, you*re just the guy I wanted to see! You remember me
— from Saturday? I saved your life, remember?

GEORGE
Oh...yeah...

MARTY
Listen, there*s somebody I want you to meet. C*mere...

He pulls him down the hall to Lorraine, who has her back to them.

MARTY
Excuse me, Lorraine...

Lorraine turns.

LORRAINE
Calvin! I mean, Marty!

She*s so delighted to see Marty, she drops her books.

MARTY
Oh, let me get those...

He picks up her books and gives them back to her. She*s totally infatuated.

LORRAINE
Thank you.

MARTY
Lorraine, I want to introduce you to someone. This is my good friend,
George McFly. George, this is Lorraine.

GEORGE
Hi. It*s really a pleasure to meet you.

Lorraine doesn*t pay George the slightest bit of attention. She only has eyes for Marty.

LORRAINE
Oh, Marty, I was so worried about you running off like that the other night
with that bruise on your head. Is it all right?

MARTY
Um, yeah....

The BELL RINGS.

LORRAINE
I*m late. See you later.

She hurries off down the hall, joining a girl friend. They pass by Dr. Brown.
LORRAINE
(to her friend)
Isn*t he a dreamboat?

George has run off in the opposite direction. Marty stands in the middle of the hall,
completely bewildered.

Brown joins him.

MARTY
She didn*t even look at him!

BROWN
Obviously, you being in the picture is a real distraction for her. You*ve got to
get him to ask her out on a date — so they can be alone together.

MARTY
A date? What kinda date? I don*t know what kids do in the 50*s.

BROWN
What do they do in the 80*s?

MARTY
Sex and drugs and rock ‘n roll.

BROWN
No comment, kid.

Brown notices a hand-painted banner in the hall announcing the “Enchantment Under The
Sea Dance” this Saturday night.

BROWN
Look — there*s a dance coming up. Get him to take her to that.

Marty sees the sign and has a revelation.

MARTY
That*s right! “Enchantment Under The Sea!” They*re SUPPOSED to go to
that dance — that*s where they kiss for the first time!

BROWN
Well then, kid, you gotta make sure they go to that dance. Together.

CUT TO:

77 OMITTED 77*
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Comedy"]

Summary Marty wakes up in 1955 and realizes he needs to get his parents back together to save his own existence. He has dinner with his relatives and navigates the differences in technology and culture. Marty meets with Dr. Brown and convinces him that he is from the future. They come up with a plan to use lightning as a power source for the time machine. Marty notices his brother fading away in a snapshot and expresses concern.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Plot development
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional impact
  • Limited character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 9

Originality: 4

The scene does not showcase a high level of originality as it relies on familiar time travel tropes and a romantic subplot. However, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and interest to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 8

Marty's internal goal in this scene is to repair the damage he caused to his parents' relationship and prevent himself from being erased from existence. This reflects his deeper need to undo his past mistakes and maintain his own identity and existence.

External Goal: 9

Marty's external goal in this scene is to get his father George to ask out his mother Lorraine so they can fall in love and eventually get married. This reflects the immediate circumstance of preventing his own erasure from existence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it sets up a romantic subplot, creates a nostalgic atmosphere, and introduces the stakes for the protagonist. The witty banter and visually impactful description also add to the engagement level.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively moves the narrative forward without feeling rushed or slow. The dialogue and actions are timed well, creating a natural rhythm to the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, including proper scene headings, action description, and character dialogue. It effectively communicates the location, time, and actions of the characters.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, including visual description, character actions, and dialogue. It effectively moves the narrative forward by setting up the romantic subplot and laying out the stakes for the protagonist's mission.


Critique Overall, this scene effectively sets up the conflict and the mission for Marty and Dr. Brown in a clear and concise manner. The dialogue provides necessary exposition to outline the consequences of Marty's actions and the importance of getting his parents together. The humor in Marty's comment about the "crap" in Brown's hair and Brown's sarcastic response adds a touch of comedy to the scene.

The visual descriptions also help to paint a clear picture of the school environment and the characters' appearances. The inclusion of George being laughed at and bullied further establishes his character and the need for Marty's intervention.

One potential improvement could be adding more emotion and depth to Marty's reaction to seeing Lorraine cheating. This could be achieved through additional dialogue or a physical reaction that shows his concern and determination to fix the situation.

In terms of formatting, it is generally recommended to omit camera angles and focus on describing the action and dialogue. Additionally, some of the abbreviations and formatting choices can be simplified for clarity.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual description: The scene could benefit from more visual description to help the reader visualize the setting and characters.

2. Shorten the dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels a bit lengthy and could be condensed to make it more concise and impactful.

3. Include more action: Adding more action to the scene, such as characters interacting with their surroundings or moving around the space, can make the scene more dynamic.

4. Show character emotions: It would be helpful to include more indications of the characters' emotions throughout the scene, especially Marty's confusion and Brown's seriousness.

5. Build tension: The stakes of the scene could be heightened by adding more tension, for example, by showing Marty's growing desperation to fix the situation and the potential consequences if he fails.

6. Consider the pacing: The scene could benefit from a faster pace, with shorter and more succinct dialogue exchanges, to keep the reader engaged.

7. Develop character relationships: Take the opportunity to further develop the relationship between Marty and Brown through their interactions and reactions to the events unfolding.

8. Show, don't tell: Look for opportunities to show the audience information through actions and visuals instead of relying solely on dialogue. For example, instead of Marty simply pointing out Lorraine, show her cheating on the test and Marty's reaction.

9. Provide more context: Consider adding some context or explanation to certain parts of the dialogue, such as why Marty's brother is fading out or why the Enchantment Under The Sea dance is significant. This will help the reader better understand the stakes and the importance of the characters' actions.

10. Enhance the ending: The scene could benefit from a stronger ending, perhaps with a cliffhanger or a hint at what's to come to keep the reader invested in the story.



Scene 18 - George's Creative Struggle
78 INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA 78*

GEORGE is seated at a table, having lunch and writing furiously. He has a copy of *
AMAZING STORIES SCIENCE FICTION MAGAZINE with his books. *

MARTY comes over and sits down next to him. *
MARTY *
Hi, George. What are you writing? *

GEORGE *
Stories. *

MARTY *
Yeah? What kind of stories? *

GEORGE *
Science fiction stories... about space travel... and visitors from other planets *
coming to earth. *

MARTY *
I never knew you did anything creative. How about letting me read one of *
‘em? *

GEORGE *
Oh, no. I never let anybody read my stories. *

MARTY *
How come? *

GEORGE *
What if they didn*t like ‘em? What if they told me I was not good? I couldn*t *
take that kind of rejection. *

Marty’s having a bad case of deja vu. *

GEORGE *
(continuing) *
My father*s always telling me that if I never let anyone read my work, I*ll *
have no future as a writer. I know he*s right... but I guess that*s just the way *
I am. *
(a beat) *
This must be pretty hard for you to understand, huh? *

MARTY *
No, George, it *s not that hard at all. *

There is a long moment as Marty looks at George in a new light... and sees himself. *

MARTY *
Listen, George, you know that girl I introduced you to? Lorraine? She really *
likes you. And I think you should ask her to the “Enchantment Under The *
Sea” dance. I think you*d have a great time with her. *

GEORGE *
Well, I really couldn*t ask her. *

MARTY *
Why not? *

GEORGE *
What if she says “no?” I*d hate to be rejected. *
Marty is starting to get exasperated.

MARTY
George, I*m telling you, if you don*t ask Lorraine to that dance, you*re
gonna regret it for the rest of your life... and I*m gonna regret if for the rest
of mine.

GEORGE
Well, it *s not like I don*t want to... It*s just that I kinda think she*d rather go
out with somebody else.

MARTY
Who?

GEORGE
(points)
Biff.

Marty looks and reacts with horror

AT ANOTHER TABLE

BIFF is trying to put his hands on LORRAINE. She*s trying to push him away.

LORRAINE
Quit pawing me, Biff! Leave me alone.

BIFF
Come on, Lorraine, You want it, you know you want it, and you know you
want me to give it to you.

LORRAINE
Shut your filthy mouth! I*m not that kinda girl!

BIFF
Maybe you are and you just don*t know it yet.

LORRAINE
Get your hands off me!

But Biff persists.

MARTY (O.S.)
She said to get your hands off her.

Biff turns to find himself facing Marty.

BIFF
What *s it to you, dipshit? You know, you*ve been looking for—

MR. STRICKLAND approaches behind Marty. Biff sees him and plays it cool.

BIFF
Since you*re new here, I*ll give you a break. Today. But if you don*t shape
up, I*m shippin* you out.
Biff walks off.

Lorraine looks at Marty and sighs with infatuation.

LORRAINE
Oh, Marty, that was wonderful! Thank you.

MARTY
Oh, yeah. You*re welcome.

CUT TO:

78-A INT. BROWN*S LIVING ROOM — DAY 78-A*

Marty is on the phone. *

MARTY
What do you mean, She*s not your type? It*s destiny, George. You and *
Lorraine are meant for each other. *
(pause, listens) *
Look, I*ll give you 20 dollars if you take her to that dance. 20 whole dollars. *
(sighs, disappointed) *
Okay, George. I*ll see you tomorrow. *
*
Marty hangs up, exasperated. He pulls out the snapshot again. *

78-B INSERT — SNAPSHOT 78-B*

All that*s left of Dave are his feet! *

78-C MARTY reacts uneasily. 78-C*
79 79*
Thru 0MITTED Thru*
81 81*
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Science Fiction","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Marty encourages George to pursue his passion for writing, and convinces him to ask Lorraine to the dance. Marty defends Lorraine from Biff's advances.
Strengths "The scene effectively develops the characters of Marty and George, as well as their relationship. It also introduces conflict with Biff and sets up a potential romantic arc for George and Lorraine. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters' motivations and fears."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel somewhat familiar or predictable, as it follows a common narrative structure of a character encouraging another character to pursue their dreams."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 7

The scene presents a fresh and authentic portrayal of a common high school experience, with realistic and relatable character dynamics and conflicts.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 8

George's internal goal is to overcome his fear of rejection and share his passion for writing with others.

External Goal: 7

George's external goal is to attend the dance with Lorraine, but his fear of rejection is stopping him from asking her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict centers around the fear of rejection versus overcoming that fear to pursue personal passions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 8

The scene is engaging because of the relatable character dynamics and conflicts, as well as the use of humor and realistic dialogue to convey the characters' emotions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, culminating in the confrontation between Biff and Marty that resolves the external conflict introduced earlier in the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows standard industry conventions for screenplay formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a traditional three-act structure, with clear character motivations and conflicts that build towards a climax.


Critique Overall, this scene effectively establishes the characters of George and Marty and their relationship. The dialogue flows well and is natural-sounding. It also effectively sets up the conflict and potential growth for George as a character.

One improvement that could be made is to provide more visual details in the scene description. For example, instead of simply stating that George is "writing furiously," specific actions or expressions could be included to show his passion and determination. Additionally, more specific details about the cafeteria setting, such as the noise and atmosphere, could be added to create a more vivid picture in the reader's mind.

The character of Marty could also be developed further. While the dialogue conveys his concern for George, it would be beneficial to include more physical actions or reactions to show his emotions and deepen his characterization.

In terms of the dialogue, it effectively conveys the characters' personalities and motivations. However, a few lines could be refined for more clarity and impact. For example, George's line about not letting anyone read his stories could be condensed to make it more concise and powerful.

The ending of the scene, with Marty standing up to Biff and Lorraine showing infatuation towards Marty, provides a satisfying resolution to the set-up of George's hesitation to ask Lorraine to the dance. This moment could be further emphasized through Marty's actions or expressions to show the impact of his words.

Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging, but adding more visual details and refining some dialogue would enhance its effectiveness.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters. However, here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more visual details: Provide more visual descriptions to paint a clearer picture of the setting and characters. For example, describe the cafeteria in more detail, such as the sounds of students chatting and the smell of food.

2. Show George's passion for writing: Instead of just stating that George is "writing furiously," show his excitement and enthusiasm as he scribbles down his ideas. Use action and body language to convey his excitement and dedication to his craft.

3. Develop the relationship between Marty and George: Show more interaction between the two characters before Marty asks about George's stories. This will help establish their friendship and make Marty's decision to support George more meaningful.

4. Add subtext and depth to Marty's dialogue: Instead of stating outright that Marty has a sense of deja vu, show his realization through his facial expressions or a subtle pause in his dialogue. This will add depth to his character and make the scene more engaging.

5. Explore the themes of fear and rejection more deeply: George expresses his fear of rejection, but it could be further explored. Try adding more dialogue or a moment of vulnerability where George opens up about his insecurities and fear of judgment.

6. Provide clearer transitions between scenes: Use transitions or scene headers to indicate the location changes more clearly. This will help the reader easily follow the flow of the story.

7. Consider adding more conflict: While the scene highlights George's fear of rejection, it could benefit from additional conflict to keep the audience engaged. For example, Marty could face some consequences as a result of his decision to stand up to Biff.

By implementing these suggestions, the scene can be further enhanced with more visual details, character development, and conflict, making it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 19 - Bringing George Out of His Shell
82 INT. BROWN*S GARAGE — DAY 82

Brown is fiddling with the video camera, playing the end section of the mail tape over his *
TV set. Brown seems particularly curious about what happens at the end, why it cuts off so *
abruptly. *

MARTY enters as the tape reaches the end...

83 ON TV 83

OLD BROWN reacts to the dog barking.

OLD BROWN
(on TV)
What is it, Einie?
(reacting with horror)
Oh, no, they found me! I don*t know how—

The tape ends abruptly.
84 MARTY reacts with pain, remembering what followed. 84

MARTY
Say, Doc—

Brown turns, surprised that Marty has been watching. *

BROWN
Oh, hi, kid.
(indicates video camera)
Fascinating device, this camera. I can*t believe it*s made in Japan.

MARTY
Doc, there*s something I haven*t told you about what happens... (gulps)
...on the night we make that tape...

BROWN
Hold it right there, kid. Don*t tell me anything, I don*t want to take any more
chances of screwing up the space-time Continuum. No man should know
too much about his own destiny. If I know too much about the future, I could
endanger my own existence. Besides, I*ve always hated fortune tellers.
(a beat)
And speaking of endangered species, how did it go today with your pop?

MARTY
Terrible. He just doesn*t want to go out with my mom. I tried everything. I
reasoned with him, begged him, pleaded with him, yelled at him... I even
tried bribing him. The only thing I haven*t tried is scaring him—

Marty stops short. He*s getting an idea...

CUT TO:

85 EXT. GEORGE*S HOUSE — NIGHT 85

All is quiet; the house is dark.

86 INT. GEORGE*S BEDROOM 86

Close ON A CLOCK on the nightstand. It*s almost 1:30. We PAN OVER to GEORGE*S
FACE. He*s sleeping soundly, in bed.

Now a PAIR OF GLOVED HANDS place FEATHERWEIGHT HEADPHONES on George*s
ears. George doesn*t stir.

THE HANDS now insert a cassette tape labeled “VAN HALEN” into a Walkman. A finger
dials the volume level to “10,” then presses “PLAY.”

GEORGE AWAKENS SCREAMING! He opens his eyes and reacts in further terror: He
sees A FRIGHTENING YELLOW MONSTER... Marty, in full radiation suit... at the foot of
his bed!

WIDER

Marty turns off the music. When he talks, his voice is distorted through the mouth filter in
the hood. An open window indicates how Marty got in.

MARTY
Silence, Earthling!

GEORGE
Who — who are you?

MARTY
(imitating Darth Vader)
My name is Darth Vader. I am an extra-terrestrial from the planet Vulcan.

GEORGE
I must be dreaming...

MARTY
This is no dream! You are having a Close Encounter of the Third Kind! You
have reached the Outer Limits of the Twilight Zone!

GEORGE
Mom! Dad!

George throws off the covers, but Marty pulls the portable hair dryer (from Brown *s
suitcase) out of his belt like a gun. He fires a blast of heat at George.

MARTY
Silence! My heat ray will vaporize you if you do not obey me!

George raises his hands in surrender.

GEORGE
All right! I surrender! Turn it off!

Marty lowers it. Now his digital watch alarm begins BEEPING. Marty raises his wrist as if it
were a radio.

MARTY
Silence! I am receiving a transmission from the Battlestar Galactica!
(after several more beeps)
You, George McFly, have created a rift in the space-time continuum. The
Supreme Klingon hereby commands you to take the female earth-person
called “Baines Lorraine” to the location known to you as Hill Valley High
School exactly 4 earth cycles from now — Saturday night in your language.

GEORGE
You mean, take Lorraine to the dance?

MARTY
Affirmative.

GEORGE
But I don*t know if I*ll be able—

Marty turns on the Walkman again. George SCREAMS!
GEORGE
Turn if off! Please, turn it off!

Marty turns it off.

MARTY
Insolent Earthling! Do you wish me to melt your brain?

GEORGE
No! Please! I*m sorry, I*ll do it! I*ll take her to the dance — but please don*t
turn that noise on again.

MARTY
Very good, Earthling. You will tell no one of this visit. Now, close your eyes,
and see me no more....

GEORGE
Okay, Okay.

George closes his eyes.

Marty holds a vial under George*s nose and George passes out. Marty removes the
featherweight headphones from George*s head, takes off his hood, and goes back out the
window.

87 EXT. GEORGE*S HOUSE — NIGHT 87

Marty climbs down a trellis and jumps down into Dr. Brown*s waiting Packard convertible. *

BROWN
How*d it go?

MARTY
Great! That chloroform sure put him out — I hope I didn’t overdo it.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Science fiction","Comedy"]

Summary Marty uses a clever plan to scare George into taking Lorraine to the dance, ensuring his parents' meeting and his own existence.
Strengths "Clever and inventive plot development, strong character moments"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue feels clunky or forced"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate, as it relies on familiar tropes of time-travel and science-fiction genres. However, the writer puts a fresh spin on these tropes by injecting the scene with comedy and character-driven conflict. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue also adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 8

Marty's internal goal in this scene is to tell Doc about what happened on the night they recorded the tape, as he seeks guidance on how to change his parents' future. This reflects his deeper need to save his family and ensure that his own existence is not threatened.

External Goal: 8

Marty's external goal in this scene is to get Doc's advice on how to change his parents' future and fix the mistakes they made in the past.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no philosophical conflict evident in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced and witty dialogue, as well as the conflict and tension between the characters. The scene also raises intrigue and interest in the future plot of the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by drawing out the conflict between the characters while still keeping the scene fast-paced and entertaining.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, including establishing shots, character dialogue, and clear scene direction.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows a familiar pattern for its genre, starting with a brief exposition before moving on to characte