Bonnie and Clyde

Genres: The, list, of, genres, for, the, movie, is:, crime, drama, romance, comedy, action, and, tragedy



Summary "Bonnie and Clyde" is a dramatic portrayal of the infamous 1930s criminal couple, who rob banks and kill their way across Depression Era America. Along the way, their playful and sexual relationship is on full display as they continue to evade capture. However, tensions arise within their gang as their crimes become more serious. The movie reaches a dramatic climax as law enforcement sets up an ambush, leading to a violent shootout that ultimately ends with Bonnie and Clyde's death. Throughout the film, their love for each other remains a driving force, even as their actions become increasingly dangerous.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The screenplay starts off strong with the meeting of Bonnie and Clyde and the development of their relationship, but the story begins to feel repetitive with the constant heists and shootouts. The character development is lacking for the supporting characters, and their backstories feel shoehorned in. The ending is predictable and lacks emotional impact.

Suggestions: To improve the screenplay, focus on developing the supporting characters and their motivations for joining the gang. Consider adding more variety to the heists and shootouts to prevent the story from feeling repetitive. The ending could benefit from a twist or surprise that subverts the audience's expectations. Additionally, exploring the societal context of the time period could add depth to the story and characters.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here



Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue and character chemistry. Establishes the film's central relationship.
  • Strong character development and relationship building.
  • Intense action and high stakes make for a gripping scene.
  • Strong emotional impact, well-written dialogue, effective use of setting to convey tone.
  • Intense shootout that moves the plot forward and resolves the major conflict of the film.
Scene Weaknesses
  • Lack of clear stakes. Scene relies heavily on exposition.
  • Limited character development beyond surface traits.
  • Lack of action and low emotional impact.
  • Little to no conflict or tension. Does not advance the main plot significantly.
  • The scene is mostly exposition and lacks action.
Suggestions
  • Focus on creating clear and high stakes conflicts throughout the screenplay to maintain the audience's interest.
  • Invest more time in developing the characters beyond surface traits. Explore their motivations and backstories for greater depth.
  • Balance exposition and action in scenes to keep them engaging and maintain the flow of the story.
  • Develop emotional impact through strong dialogue, effective use of setting, and intense action scenes, to keep the audience invested in the characters.
  • Ensure that each scene advances the plot and contributes to character development, as well as maintaining conflict and tension.

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
Characters 8.5  82 Breaking bad: 8.4 the black list (TV): 8.5
Emotional Impact 7.6  65 Queens Gambit: 7.5 Erin Brokovich: 7.6
Plot 8.0  48 Mo: 7.9 severance (TV): 8.0
Overall 8.2  45 The sweet hereafter: 8.1 Donnie Darko: 8.2
Concept 7.7  38 Community: 7.6 get out: 7.7
High Stakes 7.0  38 Lucifer: 6.7 Mr. Smith goes to Washington: 7.0
Dialogue 7.5  38 Narcos: 7.4 Everything everywhere all at once: 7.5
Conflict Level 7.2  33 Pinocchio: 7.1 American hustle: 7.2
Story Forward 7.4  28 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 7.3 Bonnie and Clyde: 7.4
Character Changes 5.3  19 Shaun of the Dead: 5.2 Bonnie and Clyde: 5.3



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 Meet Cute with a Car Theft "playful" 9 8 9 9 47486 10
2 Bonnie and Clyde's Playful Banter and Gun Display "playful, flirty, with an undercurrent of danger" 8 7 7 9 56676 8
3 First Heist "Tense and Exciting" 9 8 9 9 78889 8
4 The Seduction "playful, intense, romantic" 9 8 9 10 899910 9
5 Bonnie and Clyde's Mind Games "playful, seductive" 8 9 8 8 67788 9
6 The Farmers' Target Practice "Playful yet tense" 8 9 8 8 56676 7
7 Robbery and Violence "Dramatic" 8 9 9 8 7101098 6
8 Recruitment at the Gas Station "Tense" 8 7 8 7 68786 7
9 Preparing for the Robbery "tense" 8.5 8 8 9 68887 8
10 Bank Robbery and Getaway "tense" 9 8 9 9 7101098 7
11 Bonnie and Clyde discuss their future "Serious" 10 9 9 10 76788 10
12 Brothers Reunite "Intense" 8 8 7 9 44567 7
13 Meet and Greet "light-hearted" 7 6 7 8 32244 7
14 Boys' Clubhouse "Light-hearted" 8 8 7 9 23355 8
15 Moving In "light-hearted" 8 7 8 8 44265 7
16 Intimacy in the Bedroom "Intimate" 8 7 7 9 65468 8
17 Gunfight and Escape "Tense" 8 7 9 7 3101098 6
18 Argument and News "tense" 8 7 9 8 710898 9
19 untitled null 0 0 0 0 00000 0
20 Successful Bank Robbery "Tense" 8 7 9 7 49896 6
21 Escape and Arguments "Intense" 8 7 8 9 69987 7
22 The Argument and The Split "Tense" 8 9 8 8 69586 7
23 The Chase "tense but comedic" 8 7 9 9 59986 7
24 The Barrows Kidnap Company "light-hearted" 9 8 8 9 43256 9
25 The Party in the Car "Tense" 9 8 9 7 691098 8
26 Chasing Bonnie "tense, emotional, comedic" 8 8 8 8 67679 7
27 Family Reunion "Bittersweet" 7 8 6 8 44247 7
28 Motel Room Tension "tense" 8 7 7 9 59967 7
29 Intimate Moments "Reflective" 9 8 8 10 866710 9
30 Into the Night "Tense" 8 7 8 9 69988 8
31 Escape "intense" 9 9 10 8 511111110 0
32 Ring of Fire "Tense" 8 9 8 8 511111010 7
33 The Last Stand "Intense" 9 8 9 10 81011911 8
34 Seeking refuge with family "Tense, desperate" 8 7 8 8 491078 6
35 Last Stand "intense" 8 7 8 9 591088 6
36 Seeking Refuge and Recovery at Moss Farm "tense" 8 7 8 8 69987 8
37 Blanche's Interrogation "somber" 8 7 8 9 67789 8
38 "The Story of Bonnie and Clyde" "Reflective" 8 8 8 8 23026 7
39 The Poem of Bonnie and Clyde "joyful" 9 9 8 10 32269 10
40 The Afterglow "Joyful and Romantic" 8 8 7 8 63269 8
41 The Deal "tense" 7 7 7 7 58867 6
42 Proposal and Dreams "emotional" 7 7 6 8 75468 8
43 The Escape "Tense" 10 9 8 10 78789 9
44 The Ambush "tense" 7 7 8 6 3101199 2


Scene 1 - Meet Cute with a Car Theft
"BONNIE & CLYDE"

by

David Newman & Robert Benton




FADE IN.

INT. BEDROOM. CLOSE-UP OF BONNIE PARKER. DAY

Blonde, somewhat fragile, intelligent in expression. She is
putting on make-up with intense concentration and
appreciation, applying lipstick and eye make-up. As the
camera slowly pulls back from the closeup we see that we
have been looking into a mirror. She is standing before the
full-length mirror in her bedroom doing her make-up. She
overdoes it in the style of the time: rosebud mouth and so
forth. As the film progresses her make-up will be refined
until, at the end, there is none.

The camera pulls back and continues to move very slowly
throughout the first part of this scene. As the camera
continues to move away, we see, by degrees, that BONNIE is
naked. Her nudity is never blatantly revealed to the
audience, but implied. That is, she should be "covered" in
various ways from the camera's P.O.V., but the audience must
be aware of her exposure to CLYDE later in the scene. This
is the only time in the film that she will ever be this
exposed, in all senses of the word, to the audience. Her
attitude and appraisal of herself here are touched with
narcissism.

The bedroom itself is a second-story bedroom in a lower-
class frame house in West Dallas, Texas. The neighborhood
is low income. Though the room reveals its shabby
surroundings, it also reveals an attempt by BONNIE to fix it
up. Small and corny objets d'art are all over the tops of
the bureaus, vanity tables, etc. (Little glass figurines and
porcelain statuettes and the like.)

BONNIE finishes admiring herself. She walks from the mirror
and moves slowly across the room, the camera moving with
her, until she reaches the screened window on the opposite
wall. The shade is up. There are no curtains. She looks
out the window, looking down, and the camera looks down with
her.

EXT. BEDROOM. BONNIE'S P.O.V. DAY.
Over her shoulder, we see the driveway leading to the garage
connected to the house. There is an old car parked in the
driveway, its windows open. We see a man walking up the
driveway, somewhat furtively. He is a rather dapper fellow,
dressed in a dark suit with a vest, a white collar, and a
straw boater. It is CLYDE BARROW. Obviously, he is about
to steal the car. He looks it over, checking around him to
make sure no passers-by are coming. He peers inside the
front window to see if the keys are in the ignition. He
studies the dashboard. BONNIE continues watching, silently.
Finally she calls out.

2.


BONNIE
Hey, boy! What you doin' with my
mama's car?

EXT. DRIVEWAY. DAY.

CLYDE, startled, jumps and looks to see who has caught him.
Obviously frightened, he looks up and his face freezes at
what he sees.

EXT. WINDOW. CLYDE'S P.O.V. DAY.

We now see what he is looking at: at the open window,
revealed from the waist up, is the naked BONNIE. She looks
down, an impudent half-smile on her face. She doesn't move
or make any attempt to cover herself.

EXT. CLOSE-UP OF CLYDE - DAY -

-- whose face changes from astonishment to an answering
smile of impudence. (Seeing what he has, he realizes that
this girl is clearly not going to scream for the police.
Already they are in a little game instigated by BONNIE,
sizing each other up, competing in a kind of playful
arrogance. Before they speak, they have become
coconspirators.)

Close-up of BONNIE, still smiling. Finally she speaks.

BONNIE
Wait there!

INT. BEDROOM. DAY.

Running from the window, she flings open a closet and grabs
a dress, and shoes. She slips on the shoes, and flings the
dress on, running out the door as she does. The camera
tracks with her, moving as fast. As she runs down the
stairs she buttons up the dress.

EXT. DRIVEWAY. DAY.

She flies out the door, slamming it behind her, runs off the
porch (all this has been one continuous movement since she
left the window, in great haste) and continues quickly into
the driveway. Four feet away from CLYDE, she stops on a
dime. They stand there, looking at each other, smiling the
same challenge. For a few seconds, no one speaks, then:

BONNIE
(putting her on)
Ain't you ashamed? Tryin' to steal
an old lady's automobile.

3.


CLYDE
(with the same put-on)
I been thinkin' about buyin' me one.

BONNIE
Bull. You ain't got money for
dinner, let alone buy no car.

CLYDE
(still the battle of
wits going on)
Now I got enough money for cokes,
and since it don't look like you're
gonna invite me inside--

BONNIE
You'd steal the dining room table
if I did.

CLYDE
(he moves from his spot)
Come to town with me, then. How'd
that be?

BONNIE
(starting to walk
onto the sidewalk)
Goin' to work anyway.
Genres: ["crime","drama","romance"]

Summary Bonnie catches Clyde trying to steal her mother's car and the two engage in a game of playful arrogance.
Strengths "Engaging dialogue and character chemistry. Establishes the film's central relationship."
Weaknesses "Lack of clear stakes. Scene relies heavily on exposition."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 10

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique This scene is well-written and engaging. The descriptions of the characters and their attitudes are clear and vivid, making it easy for the reader to visualize the characters and their reactions. The use of point of view is effective, especially in the reveal of Bonnie's nudity and Clyde's reaction to it. The dialogue is snappy and establishes the characters' personalities and their playful, competitive relationship. The action flows smoothly, and the camera movements are clear and serve to enhance the tension and build-up of the scene. Overall, this scene sets up the tone of the film well and leaves the audience wanting more.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and sets the tone for the dynamic between Bonnie and Clyde. However, there are a few suggestions to improve:

1. Clarify Bonnie's attitude towards her nudity. The script mentions that her attitude is "touched with narcissism" but it doesn't quite come across in the scene. Perhaps there could be more emphasis on how she admires her own body, or a subtle smirk as she applies her makeup.

2. Show more of the neighborhood and its surroundings. Since the bedroom is in a lower-class area, it would add more context and depth to the scene if we saw more of the outside environment. This could include shots of other houses, or maybe even a group of kids playing in the street.

3. Build more tension in the interaction between Bonnie and Clyde. Right now, their banter seems a bit too friendly and playful from the get-go. Adding more subtext to their dialogue, or having them physically move closer/farther away from each other could increase the sexual tension and danger of the scene.

4. Add more sensory details. While the script describes the action and dialogue well, there isn't much detail on what Bonnie and Clyde look/smell/feel like. Adding in descriptions of Clyde's cologne, or the way Bonnie's dress sways as she runs down the stairs, would enhance the reader/viewer's immersion in the scene.



Scene 2 - Bonnie and Clyde's Playful Banter and Gun Display
EXT. STREET. MOVING SHOT. DAY.

The camera tracks. It is a hot Texas afternoon, all white
light and glare. As they walk the block to town in this
scene, their manner of mutual impudence is still pervading.

CLYDE
Goin' to work, huh? What do you do?

BONNIE
None of your business.

CLYDE
(pretending to give
it serious thought)
I bet you're a...movie star!
(thinks)
No...A lady mechanic?...No...A
maid?--

BONNIE
(really offended by that)
What do you think I am?

4.


CLYDE
(right on the nose)
A waitress.

BONNIE
(slightly startled by
his accuracy, anxious
to get back now that
he is temporarily
one-up)
What line of work are you in? When
you're not stealin' cars?

CLYDE
(mysteriously)
I tell you, I'm lookin' for suitable
employment right at the moment.

BONNIE
What did you do before?

CLYDE
(coolly, knowing its effect)
I was in State Prison.

BONNIE
State Prison?
(she shows her surprise)
CLYDE
Yeah.

BONNIE
(herself again)
Guess some little old lady wasn't
so nice.

CLYDE
(tough)
It was armed robbery.

BONNIE
(sarcastically)
My, my, the things that turn up in
the driveway these days.

They reach the corner and turn. They are on:

EXT. MAIN STREET. DAY.

--a small-town street of barber shops, cafes, groceries, etc.
At the moment, it is deserted. They continue walking down
the empty street. CLYDE looks the place over. Tracking.

5.


CLYDE
What do y'all do for a good time
around here, listen to the grass
grow?

BONNIE
Guess you had a lot more fun up at
State Prison, huh?

CLYDE laughs, enjoying her repartee. They continue walking.
At a hydrant, CLYDE stops.

CLYDE
(showing off, but seriously)
See this foot?
(pointing at his
right foot)
I chopped two toes off of it. With
an axe.

BONNIE
(shocked)
What? Why?

CLYDE
To get off the damn work detail,
that's why.
(stopping)
Want to see?

BONNIE
(a lady of some sensitivity)
No!...
(turning a cute)
I surely don't intend to stand here
and look at your dirty feet in the
middle of Main Street.

They continue walking in silence past a few stores, each
planning what next to say.

BONNIE
Boy, did you really do that?

CLYDE
Yeah.

BONNIE
You must be crazy.

DISSOLVE TO:

6.


EXT. GAS STATION. DAY.

Gas station up the block. BONNIE and CLYDE are seen leaning
against the soft drink chest, their profiles silhouetted by
the bright sun. They are drinking cokes. As they begin to
talk, the camera moves in closer to them. CLYDE takes off
his hat and rubs the cold coke bottle across his forehead.
BONNIE watches him.

BONNIE
What's it like?

CLYDE
Prison?

BONNIE
(very interested)
No, armed robbery.
CLYDE
(he thinks it a silly question)
It's...I don't know...it isn't like
anything.

BONNIE
(thinking she's heard
proof that he's a liar)
Hah! I knew you never robbed bo
place, you faker.

CLYDE
(challenged)
Oh, yeah?
(studies her, then
makes up his mind to
show her)


Close-up. Gun. Day. He reaches in his jacket and pulls
out a gun. The camera moves to a closeup of the gun,
glinting in the sunlight.

EXT. STREET. DAY.

The camera pulls back to show BONNIE looking at it with
fascination. The weapon has an immediate effect on her.
She touches it in a manner almost sexual, full of repressed
excitement.

BONNIE
(goading him on)
Yeah, well you got one all right, I
guess...but you wouldn't have the
gumption to use it.

7.


CLYDE
(picking up the
challenge, proving himself)
You just keep your eyes open.
Genres: ["crime","drama","romance"]

Summary Bonnie and Clyde walk through a small Texas town, trading quips and playfully challenging each other. Clyde shows off a gun, which has a sexual effect on Bonnie.
Strengths
  • playful banter builds chemistry between characters
  • revelation of Clyde's past adds layers to his character
  • gun display adds tension and foreshadows danger
Weaknesses
  • limited action in scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. However, there are a few things that could be improved upon:

1. The camera directions: Screenplays should avoid using camera directions and instead focus on describing the action and dialogue. Camera directions should only be included if absolutely necessary to the story.

2. Lack of description: While the dialogue is snappy and interesting, there is little description of the characters or the environment around them. Including more sensory details would make the scene more immersive for the reader and potentially enhance the visual aspect of the scene.

3. Overreliance on dialogue: The scene is mostly composed of dialogue, with very little action or description. Including more action and physicality would make the scene feel more dynamic and engaging.

4. Lack of clear conflict: While there is some bantering between Clyde and Bonnie, there is no clear conflict or goal driving the scene. Including a clear objective or conflict would make the scene more compelling and give the audience a reason to stay engaged.

Overall, this scene shows promise, but could benefit from more attention to detail and visual description.
Suggestions 1. Add more visual description to create a richer setting and atmosphere. For example, what do the buildings and streets look like? What is the temperature or mood of the town?

2. Consider adding more backstory or character development to make the scene more engaging. What motivates Clyde to steal cars and carry a gun? Why is Bonnie intrigued by his criminal past?

3. Add more conflict or tension to the scene. For example, have them encounter someone who disapproves of their behavior or creates a dangerous situation.

4. Edit the dialogue to make it more realistic or natural-sounding. Avoid using cliched expressions and focus on creating unique voices for each character.

5. Consider the pacing of the scene. Is it too slow or too fast? Do the actions and dialogue flow smoothly?

6. Look for opportunities to add symbolism or foreshadowing to create deeper meaning in the scene. For example, the gun could represent the danger and excitement that Bonnie craves.



Scene 3 - First Heist
EXT. LITTLE GROCERY STORE ACROSS THE STREET. DAY.

The camera remains just behind BONNIE's shoulder so that
throughout the following scene we have BONNIE in the picture,
looking at what we look at.

CLYDE goes into the little store. We remain outside with
BONNIE watching. For a minute nothing happens. We can
barely see what is going on in the store. Then CLYDE comes
out, walking slowly. In one hand he holds the gun, in the
other a fistful of money. He gets halfway, to BONNIE and
smiles broadly at her, a smile of charm and personality.
She smiles back. The moment is intense, as if a spark has
jumped from one to the other. Their relationship, which
began the minute BONNIE spotted him in the driveway, has now
really begun. CLYDE has shown his stuff and BONNIE is
"turned on."

Suddenly the old man who runs the grocery store comes
running out into the street, completely dumbfounded. He
stands there and says nothing, yet his mouth moves in silent
protest. CLYDE points the gun above him and fires. It is
the first loud noise in the film thus far and it should be a
shock. The old man, terrified, runs back into the store as
fast as he can, CLYDE quickly grabs BONNIE's hand. The
camera swings with them as they turn and begin to run down
the street. A few yards and the stores disappear entirely.
The landscape turns into that arid, flat and unrelieved
western plain that begins where the town ends.

EXT. STORE. AT THE EDGE OF TOWN. DAY.

A car is parked at the back of the store. As soon as they
reach it, CLYDE motions and BONNIE gets in. CLYDE runs to
the front, lifts up the hood and crosses the wires to make
it start. As he stands back, BONNIE calls to him:

BONNIE
Hey, what's your name, anyway?

CLYDE
(he slams the hood)
Clyde Barrow.

He runs over to the door, opens it, shoves her over, and
starts up the engine. The entire sequence is played at an
incredible rapid pace.

8.


BONNIE
(loud, to make
herself heard over
the gunning motor)
Hi, I'm Bonnie Parker. Please to
meet you.

EXT. ROAD. DAY.
VROOM! The car zooms off down the road, doing 90. The fast
country breakdown music starts up on the sound track, going
just as fast as the car.

EXT. CAR. DAY.

The car, still speeding, further down the road. We zoom
down and look in the rear window. CLYDE is driving, we see
from behind. BONNIE is all over him, biting his ear,
ruffling his hair, running her hands all over him--in short,
making passionate love to him while he drives. The thrill
of the robbery and the escape has turned her on sexually.

EXT. CAR. ANOTHER ANGLE. DAY.

The camera pulls back and above the car. The car starts to
go crazy in a comical fashion, manifesting to the audience
just what is happening to the driver controlling it. The
car swerves all over the road. The car comes to a sudden
halt. The car starts again. It swerves this time almost
right off the road before it straightens out. It jumps and
jerks. Another car comes down the road the other way and
CLYDE's car swerves so much as to make the other guy drive
right off the road into the dirt. It is almost Mack Sennett
stuff, but not quite that much.

INT. CAR. BONNIE AND CLYDE. DAY.

BONNIE grabs the wheel and turns it sharply.

EXT. CAR. DAY.

It hairpins off the road onto a shoulder beneath some trees.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Bonnie and Clyde rob a small grocery store, shoot a gun for the first time in the movie, and flee town in a stolen car. Bonnie becomes sexually aroused by Clyde after he shows her his gun and his skill as a thief.
Strengths "The scene is a pivotal moment in the movie, where Bonnie and Clyde become full-fledged criminals, cementing their relationship and laying the groundwork for the rest of the film. The visual storytelling is excellent, conveying the intense feelings between the two characters without relying too heavily on dialogue. The driving sequence is thrilling and well-done."
Weaknesses "The scene involves violence, and the main characters are committing a crime, which could be a turn-off for some viewers. The sexual element of the scene could be seen as exploitative, as it feeds into the stereotype of a woman becoming aroused by a man with a gun."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tone and energy of Bonnie and Clyde's relationship and their criminal activities. Here are some specific critiques:

- The scene could benefit from some more specific and vivid description. For example, when Clyde grabs Bonnie's hand and they begin to run down the street, it would be more engaging if we knew exactly how they were moving and what the environment around them looked like.
- The sudden shift from the robbery to the sexual aspect of their relationship could feel jarring or uneven if not executed carefully. As a reader or viewer, we need to understand why Bonnie is suddenly turned on by Clyde's criminal behavior, and the scene should build to that moment in a way that feels believable.
- The sequence with the car swerving and jerking could be risky if done poorly. If it leans too much into slapstick, it could undermine the tension and effectiveness of the rest of the scene. However, if done just right, it could add another layer of excitement and danger.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Establish a clear objective or goal for the characters in the scene. What are they trying to accomplish by robbing the store? Is there a sense of urgency or danger that can increase the tension?

2. Show us more of the action inside the store. We don't need to see everything, but giving us a sense of what Clyde is doing, how the old man reacts, and how Bonnie is feeling can help us understand the characters better.

3. Develop the relationship between Bonnie and Clyde more gradually. The sudden spark between them feels a little too contrived. By showing us more of their interactions before the robbery, we can get a better sense of how they connect.

4. Make the shooting of the old man more impactful. This is a pivotal moment in the story, but it doesn't feel all that shocking. Consider building more tension beforehand, or using sound design to make the gunshot more jarring.

5. Slow down the car chase. The frenetic pace of the scene makes it hard to follow what's happening. By taking more time to establish the geography of the chase and the stakes for the characters, you can make it more engaging.

6. Be mindful of tone. The scene veers between comedy, action, and romance, which can be jarring. Consider picking one or two dominant tones and sticking with them more consistently.



Scene 4 - The Seduction
INT. CAR. BONNIE AND CLYDE. DAY.

--still settling to a stop. BONNIE and CLYDE appear to be
necking heavily now, punctuated by BONNIE's squeals of
passion as she squirms and hops about like a flea, trying to
get to CLYDE. The floor gear-shift is keeping their bodies
apart, however. In exasperation, BONNIE takes the gear
shift and shoves it forward out of their way. She plunges
onto CLYDE, burying him from view.

9.


BONNIE
(kissing, biting)
...You ready?...

CLYDE
(muffled, laughing)
...Hey, wait...

BONNIE
(giggling herself)
Aren't you ready? Well, get ready!

BONNIE has obviously touched him. With savage coquetry she
tears into her clothes and his.

BONNIE
(muffled)
C'mon, honey, c'mon, boy...let's
go...let's...

CLYDE
(muffled)
Hey...hey, wait a minute...quit
that now, cut it out.
(sharply)
I said, cut it out!

He shoves her rudely away, slamming her into the far car
door. Suddenly it looks as if they've been fighting. Both
unbuttoned and unglued, they stare silently at one another,
breathing heavily. CLYDE gets out of the car, clearly
shaken. Despite the fact that he may have encountered this
situation many times before, it's one that no twenty-one-
year-old boy in 1932 is sophisticated enough to dismiss
easily with bravado.

BONNIE remains seated in the car. She seems terribly
vulnerable. She fumbles about for a cigarette, too confused
to figure out what didn't happen. CLYDE turns back and
reaches through the car window from the driver's side,
lighting it for her. BONNIE casts CLYDE a fishy stare, then
accepts the light.

CLYDE
(trying to be casual,
even insouciant)
Look, I don't do that. It's not
that I can't--
(his voice cracks,
the match burns his
fingers, and he bangs
his head onto roof of
car, and he goes
right on)
--it's just that I don't see no
percentage in it.
(MORE)
10.


CLYDE (CONT'D)
I mean there's nothin' wrong with
me, I don't like boys.

BONNIE doesn't know what she thinks, and CLYDE is trying to
gauge her reaction--whether she feels rejected or repelled.
In fact, it's both--along with a little latent fascination.

BONNIE
(finally, spitting
out smoke)
Boy...boy...boy...

CLYDE
(a little annoyed)
Boy, what?

BONNIE
Your advertising is dandy. Folks'd
just never guess you don't have a
thing to sell.
(a little afraid)
You better take me home, now.

CLYDE
(getting back into car)
Wait!

BONNIE
Don't touch me!

She gets out of car, leaving CLYDE draped across the front
seat, reaching after her.

CLYDE
(almost shouting)
If all you want's stud service,
then get on back to West Dallas and
stay there the rest of your life!

This stops her. Now CLYDE pours it on, with an almost
maniacal exuberance that becomes more controlled as he gets
control of BONNIE.

CLYDE
But you're worth more'n that, a lot
more, and you know it, and that's
why you come along with me. You
could find a lover boy on every
corner in town and it doesn't make
a damn to them whether you're
waiting on tables or picking
cotton, so long as you cooperate.
But it does make a damn to me!

11.


BONNIE
(turning, intrigued)
Why?

CLYDE
Why? Because you're different!
You're like me and you want
different things.

BONNIE is hooked now.

CLYDE
(continuing)
You and me travelin' together, we
could cut clean acrost this state,
and Kansas, too, and maybe dip into
Oklahoma, and Missouri or whatnot,
and catch ourselves highpockets and
a highheeled ol' time. We can be
somethin' we could never be alone.
I'll show you...when we walk into
the Adolphus Hotel in San Antone',
you wearin' a silk dress, they'll
be waitin' on you and believe me,
sugar, they're gonna know your last
name.

He stops, having begun to woo her to something more intense
than a casual, physical coupling.

BONNIE
When'd you figure that all out?

CLYDE
First time I saw you.

BONNIE
How come?

CLYDE
(intensely, with real honesty)
'Cause you may be the best damn
girl in Texas.

Close-up. BONNIE.

BONNIE
Who are you, anyway?

CUT TO:

12.
Genres: ["crime","drama","romance"]

Summary Bonnie and Clyde's playful banter leads to a sexual encounter in a car. However, when Clyde rejects Bonnie's advances and a fight ensues, Clyde's motives for being with her become apparent as he passionately persuades her to join him in a life of crime and adventure.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Intense emotional moments
  • Playful banter
Weaknesses
  • The scene may be uncomfortable for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 8

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I don't have personal opinions or a physical form to see a screen, scene, or movie. However, I can analyze and provide feedback based on the standard elements of a screenplay.

In terms of the scene provided, it is well-written and effectively establishes the relationship between Bonnie and Clyde. The scene starts with them making out and ends with Clyde trying to convince Bonnie to travel with him and become something more than just a physical coupling.

The scene has a clear conflict, as Bonnie wants to continue but Clyde suddenly stops her, creating a misunderstanding between them. The dialogue is precise and shows the personalities of Bonnie and Clyde. Moreover, the scene works as a turning point because it makes Bonnie realize that there is more to Clyde.

Overall, the scene is an excellent example of character and relationship development, leaving the audience interested in what's next for both Bonnie and Clyde.
Suggestions As a language model AI, I am not capable of assessing the accuracy or quality of scenes from a screenwriting perspective as it requires a deep understanding of the art and craft of screenwriting. However, here are some general tips to improve any scene in a movie script:

1. Clarify the character objectives and motivations: Ensure that the characters in the scene have clear objectives and motivations, so that their actions and dialogue are consistent and believable.

2. Increase the stakes: Make sure that the outcome of the scene has a real impact on the characters' lives and the overall story.

3. Simplify the action: Avoid unnecessary or confusing actions that distract from the dialogue and the development of the characters.

4. Focus on subtext: Use subtext to add depth and nuance to the dialogue, highlighting the underlying emotions and tensions between the characters.

5. Use visual storytelling: Use visual elements such as blocking, camera angles, and lighting to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.

6. Develop character arcs: Ensure that the scene contributes to the development of the characters' arcs, so that the audience feels invested in their growth and transformation.

7. Consider pacing: Adjust the pacing of the scene to match the tone and intensity of the story, using pacing as a tool to build tension or release it.



Scene 5 - Bonnie and Clyde's Mind Games
INT. ROADSIDE CAFE. BONNIE AND CLYDE. DAY.

BONNIE and CLYDE seated in booth, now C.U. CLYDE. The sound
track bridges the scene: the question that BONNIE has just
asked is now suddenly rebutted by CLYDE, as he points a
finger at her.

CLYDE
(not answering her,
preferring to lead
the conversation)
I'll tell you about you.

He loves doing this and he does it well. The more he
envisions BONNIE's life, the more instinctively accurate he
becomes. She grows more and more fascinated, like a child
watching a mind reader.

CLYDE
Lessee...You were born somewheres
around East Texas...got a big old
family, right?...You went to
school, of course, but you didn't
take to it much 'cause you was a
lot smarter than everybody else
anyway. So you just quit. Now...
(thinking, playing it
for all it's worth)
...When you were sixteen...no,
seventeen, there was a guy who
worked in...uh...

Pull back taking in BONNIE, favoring CLYDE.

BONNIE
(fascinated)
Cement plant--

CLYDE
Right. Cement plant. And you
liked him 'cause he thought you was
just as nice as you could be. You
almost married that guy, but
then...you thought, no, you didn't
think you would. So you got your
job in the cafe...
(getting closer to
home now, hitting
them right in there)
And every morning you wake up and
you hate it. You just hate it.
And you get down there and you put
on your white uniform--

13.


BONNIE
(enthralled)
Pink.

CLYDE
And the truck drivers come in to
eat greasy burgers and they kid you
and you kid them back, but they're
stupid and dumb, boys with big
tattoos all over 'em, and you don't
like it...And they ask you for
dates and sometimes you go...but
you mostly don't, and all they ever
try is to get into your pants
whether you want to or not...and
you go home and sit in your room
and think, when and how will I ever
get away from this?...And now you
know.

BONNIE is half-mesmerized by his talk. A waitress comes
with their food. A cheap, gaudy dame, she has spit curls on
each temple in the style of the times. CLYDE looks at her
and at BONNIE, who also wears spit curls. As soon as the
waitress leaves:

CLYDE
(pointing at her hair)
Change that. I don't like it.

Without a word of protest, BONNIE immediately reaches in her
bag and takes out a mirror. She holds it up and with the
other hand, brushes back her spit curls into her hair. She
never again wears them. When she has pushed them back she
looks at CLYDE for his approval. He nods his okay. She
smiles, puts back her mirror and begins to eat her food.
She's ravenously hungry and eats with total concentration on
her plate. CLYDE doesn't touch his food, just watches
BONNIE eat for a minute.

CLYDE
God, you're a knockout.

EXT. ROADSIDE CAFE. DAY FOR DUSK.

CLYDE and BONNIE emerge from the cafe into the early evening.
They move toward the car they have stolen. Just beyond sits
a newer model car. BONNIE is surprised to see CLYDE head
toward the newer car.

BONNIE
Hey, that ain't ours.

14.


CLYDE
Sure it is.

BONNIE
But we came in this one.

CLYDE
Don't mean we have to go home in it.

She walks amazed around the new car and gets in beside him.
He turns the key and they pull away from the cafe.

INT. ABANDONED FARM HOUSE. A WIDE SHOT OF THE PARLOR LIVING
ROOM. DAY.

The room is bare. In the middle BONNIE is waking, having
slept on a couple of car seats covered with an old piece of
tattered blanket. There are windows behind her. She looks
about bewildered.

BONNIE
Clyde...

She starts to panic and runs to the window.

BONNIE
(continuing)
Clyde...

At another window CLYDE appears.
CLYDE
Hey, lady.

BONNIE
(chagrined at her fear)
Where you been keeping yourself?

CLYDE
Slept out by the car.

BONNIE
Oh...These accommodations ain't
particularly deluxe.

CLYDE
No...If they're after us, I want
the first shot. Come on, you got
some work to do.

BONNIE moves to the door and out of the house.

15.
Genres: ["crime","romance"]

Summary Bonnie and Clyde engage in playful banter and mind games as they learn more about each other. After robbing a grocery store and fleeing town, they have a sexual encounter, but Clyde's true motives come to light as he persuades Bonnie to join him in a life of crime.
Strengths "The playful banter between the two main characters, as well as the seductive and tense tone, help to create an engaging scene with a great build-up to the reveal of Clyde's true motives."
Weaknesses "The scene could have benefitted from more action or visuals to keep the viewer engaged."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene is well-written with clear visual descriptions and dialogue that effectively develops the characters of Bonnie and Clyde. However, one potential issue is the lack of clear conflict or tension in the scene. While Bonnie is fascinated by Clyde's ability to read her life story, there isn't much at stake for either character. In addition, the transition between the cafe scene and the abandoned farmhouse scene feels abrupt and disconnected. Overall, the scene could benefit from a clearer sense of conflict and a more organic transition between the two settings.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Give more context: It's unclear what the overall purpose of this scene is, or how it fits into the larger narrative of the film. Consider adding more context or a clearer indication of the scene's purpose.

2. Create more compelling dialogue: While Clyde's dialogue is meant to be interesting and captivating, it comes across as a bit contrived. Consider reworking the dialogue to make it more authentic to the characters and less like someone trying to guess another person's life story.

3. Add more action: The scene primarily consists of dialogue, which can make it feel stagnant. Consider adding more visual or physical action to make it more interesting to watch.

4. Establish character motives: It's unclear why Bonnie and Clyde are together or what they hope to accomplish. Adding a bit more information about their motives or goals could help make the scene more meaningful.

5. Polish the ending: The ending of the scene feels abrupt and anti-climactic. Consider adding a bit more tension or a clearer conclusion to make it more satisfying for the viewer.



Scene 6 - The Farmers' Target Practice
EXT. FARM HOUSE. FRONT YARD. DAY.

On the door is a sign which reads:

INSERT:

PROPERTY OF MIDLOTHIAN CITIZENS BANK -- TRESPASSERS WILL BE
PROSECUTED.

Wide angle. Across fence. Day. On the dilapidated picket
fence six old bottles have been placed. As BONNIE joins
CLYDE he turns and fires six quick shots. The bottles
disappear.

BONNIE
You're good.

CLYDE
The best.

BONNIE
And modest...

CLYDE
Come on. Got you all set up over
here.

Wider angle. They move around to the side of the building
where CLYDE points to a tire hanging by a rope from a tree.
He means that to be BONNIE's target. He hands her a gun.

CLYDE
Set her spinnin'.

BONNIE fires. She misses.

CLYDE
Again. Come down slow with it...

BONNIE fires again and hits the tire. She smiles and blows
the smoke from the barrel in pride and self-mockery.

CLYDE
Ain't you something? I tell you
I'm going to get you a Smith and
Wesson, it'll be easier in your
hand. Now try it again once...

BONNIE sights. As she is about to fire, a man appears
around the corner of the building. A FARMER. She fires and
hits the tire.

FARMER
Heighdo.

16.


CLYDE whirls at the sound. He grabs gun from BONNIE because
his is empty. He aims at FARMER.

FARMER
(frightened)
No sir...no sir. You all go right
ahead.

CLYDE watches him warily.

FARMER
(continuing)
Used to be my place. Not any more.
Bank took it.

CLYDE and BONNIE start to move toward the farmer. All three
move around to the front of the building. At a distance we
see an Okie car loaded with belongings. A WOMAN with a BABY
in arms sits in front. A smaller BOY stands outside the car.

FARMER
Yessir, moved us off. Now it
belongs to them.
(He points at the
foreclosure sign.)


BONNIE
Well, that's a pitiful shame.

CLYDE shakes his head sympathetically. He loads the empty
gun.

FARMER
(bitterly)
You're damned right, ma'm.

He looks up to see an OLD NEGRO who has come from a distance
shack and now stands near CLYDE's car.

FARMER
(nodding toward Negro)
Me and him put in the years here.
Yessir. So you all go right ahead.
We just come by for a last look.

He stands a moment looking at the house and then turns
around toward his family in the car. CLYDE and BONNIE look
after him. CLYDE spins and fires three fast shots into the
fore-closure sign. The FARMER stops and turns, looking at
CLYDE. CLYDE offers the gun to the farmer. He looks at it,
then accepts it. He slowly takes aim at the sign and fires.
It pleases him. He looks at CLYDE and BONNIE who smile.

17.


FARMER
You all mind?

BONNIE and CLYDE are puzzled.

FARMER
Hey, Davis! Come on over here.

The NEGRO moves toward them. Now BONNIE understands. She
takes the second gun from CLYDE and hands it to DAVIS.
DAVIS looks from BONNIE to the FARMER and toward the house.
The FARMER fires again. This time at a window. He nods to
DAVIS. DAVIS slowly raises the gun and fires at another
window. It shatters and they can't keep from laughing. The
FARMER returns the gun as does DAVIS.

FARMER
(continuing)
Much obliged.

He extends his hand. CLYDE shakes it.

FARMER
Otis Harrison. And this here's
Davis. We worked this place.

CLYDE
(formally)
Miss Bonnie Parker. And I'm Clyde
Barrow.

Across farmer's car. Wide shot. Day. The FARMER turns and
moves toward his people. DAVIS moves toward his shack.
CLYDE and BONNIE in the b.g.

Close angle. BONNIE and CLYDE.

CLYDE
(continuing)
We rob banks.

BONNIE turns quickly to look at CLYDE. He smiles and nods.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN.

EXT. A LONG, COUNTRY ROAD. DAY.

A car is driving down it. It is the next day. BONNIE is
driving, CLYDE beside her.

18.


INT. CAR. DAY.

CLYDE
You just stay in the car and watch
and be ready.
(he is playing it
cool, knowing she is
scared. He thinks
he's James Cagney)
Okay now?
(he hands her a gun
from the glove compartment)
You just be ready if I need you.
BONNIE's hands are tense on the wheel. Her face shows how
nervous she is now that the time has come.

CLYDE
Scared?

BONNIE
No.

They drive in silence.

CLYDE
What are you thinkin' about?

BONNIE
Nothin'.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Romance"]

Summary Bonnie and Clyde meet two farmers who were forced out of their home by the bank. In a show of solidarity, the farmers join the couple in target practice, revealing the couple's profession as bank robbers.
Strengths "Plays with tension and humor, shows Bonnie's growing confidence, sets up themes of rebellion and solidarity."
Weaknesses "Limited character development beyond surface traits."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene is well-written as it sets up the dynamic between Bonnie and Clyde as robbers. The action is clear and the dialogue is natural and specific to each character. The pacing is also strong as it builds tension and reveals more about the characters through their actions and words. However, it could benefit from more descriptive language to enhance the visuals of the scene and create a stronger sense of setting and atmosphere. Overall, it's a solid scene that effectively introduces the characters and their motivations.
Suggestions To improve this scene, consider adding more tension and conflict. Perhaps there could be a disagreement between Bonnie and Clyde about the bank they plan to rob or their approach to the robbery. Additionally, the interaction with the farmer and Old Negro could be more complex and nuanced, with more subtext and history between the characters. This would make the scene more engaging and interesting for the audience. Finally, consider incorporating more visual cues and details to help the audience visualize the setting and the characters' actions.



Scene 7 - Robbery and Violence
EXT. BUSINESS STREET OF A LITTLE TOWN. DAY.

We are still in the car. BONNIE pulls over and stops by the
bank. CLYDE is frozen in his seat. We can see that, for
all his talk, he is scared, too.

BONNIE
What are you waitin' for?

That gets him. CLYDE throws the door open and jumps,
practically dives out the door. The camera follows his
motion right inside the bank, tracking very fast.

INT. BANK #1. DAY.

Something is very screwy here. The bank is dark, the TELLER
is half asleep over his books. CLYDE approaches, thrusts
the gun at him.

19.


CLYDE
(with a swagger)
This is a stickup. Just take it
easy and nothin' will happen to you.
Gimme the money.

TELLER
(looking up with no
fear, his voice calm
and conversational)
Heighdy.

CLYDE
(nonplussed at this)
Gimme the money!

TELLER
What money? There ain't no money
here, mister.

CLYDE
(totally befuddled at
the turn of events)
What do you mean there ain't no
money? This here is a bank, ain't
it?

The camera pans around the bank. We see that it is empty,
dusty and shuttered.

TELLER
This was a bank. We failed three
weeks ago.

CLYDE
(furious)
What? What??

In a rage, he goes behind the partition, grabs the teller
and pushes him ahead with the gun. CLYDE is fuming. He
forces the teller out the front door.

EXT. BANK #1. DAY.

--showing BONNIE in the car. She is terrified as she sees
CLYDE and the TELLER coming at her. She doesn't understand
what is happening.

CLYDE
(shoving the teller forward)
Tell her! Tell her!

20.


TELLER
(acting like a man
who has had his sleep
interrupted by lunatics)
As I was tellin' this gentleman,
our bank failed last month and
ain't no money in it. I sure am
sorry.

BONNIE's reaction is one of hysterical relief and
appreciation of what's funny in the situation. She laughs
uproariously, she can't stop laughing. This makes CLYDE
madder than ever. He shoves the teller to the ground.

INT. CAR. DAY.

Completely humiliated, CLYDE gets in the car, shoving BONNIE
over. She is still laughing. BONNIE starts the car. CLYDE
points his gun out the window.

Close shot. Bank window--whereon is lettered: ASSETS-$70,000.

INT. CAR. CLYDE AND BONNIE. DAY.

Angle to include bank window. CLYDE aims and puts a bullet
through each of the zeros. We see each zero shot through.
Then the entire window hangs there for a second and suddenly
crashes. On the soundtrack, BONNIE's laughter.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR. DAY.

--still driving. BONNIE has still not fully recovered from
her mirth, but is quieting down because she sees that CLYDE
is really mad and can't be pushed too far.

CLYDE
(steaming)
We got $1.98 and you're laughin'.

She tries to stop.

EXT. STREET. DAY.

The car pulls down another street of shops in another little
hick town. A grocery store ahead.

INT. CAR.

CLYDE
Keep it running.

21.


INT. GROCERY STORE. DAY.

There is an old CLERK behind the counter, and standing in
the b.g., almost out of our vision, is a BUTCHER--an enormous
giant of a man. CLYDE steps up to the counter.
CLYDE
Give me a loaf of bread, a dozen
eggs and a quart of milk.

The CLERK gets the order and puts it in a bag. He rings
open the cash register preparatory to asking CLYDE for the
money. CLYDE pulls his gun.

CLYDE
This is a stickup. I'll take all
the money in that drawer now.

He reaches over the counter into the cash drawer and grabs
the bills. He smiles. Suddenly looming beside CLYDE is the
BUTCHER, brandishing a meat cleaver. Camera looks up at
this formidable sight as the cleaver comes crashing down,
missing CLYDE and sticking in the wooden counter. He grabs
CLYDE around the chest in a bear hug and actually lifts him
off the ground. The struggle is in silence. CLYDE is
terrified, fighting wildly to get free. The gun in CLYDE's
hand is pinned, because the man has CLYDE's arm pinned to
his thigh. CLYDE tries to raise the barrel at an upward
angle to shoot, finally he is able to do so. He fires. The
bullet enters the BUTCHER's stomach. The BUTCHER screams,
but reacts like a wounded animal, more furious than ever.
He still holds CLYDE in a fierce hug, staggering around the
store, knocking into shelves and spilling cans. CLYDE is
hysterical with fear. He shoots the BUTCHER again. The
BUTCHER falls to his knees, but still he doesn't release
CLYDE. In a panic, CLYDE drags the man to the door, trying
to get out.

EXT. GROCERY STORE. DAY.

BONNIE sees CLYDE and the BUTCHER holding his legs. She is
terrified. CLYDE drags him out on the street. The BUTCHER
won't let go. CLYDE, in real panic, aims the gun at his
head and fires. Click. Out of bullets. In blind fury, he
pistol-whips the BUTCHER's head with two terrific swipes.
Finally the BUTCHER lets go. Hysterical, CLYDE jumps away
and leaps into the car on the other side. BONNIE still at
the wheel.

CLYDE
Get the hell out of here!

They drive-off at top speed.

22.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Romance"]

Summary After failing to rob a bank, Clyde and Bonnie rob a grocery store and encounter a giant butcher who tries to stop them. In a violent struggle, Clyde shoots the butcher multiple times and beats him with his gun.
Strengths "The scene builds tension and suspense effectively, especially in the struggle between Clyde and the butcher. The violence is intense and memorable."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is not particularly standout or memorable. The scene also relies heavily on action and violence and may be triggering or disturbing for some viewers."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. One strength is that it conveys a sense of tension and urgency, both through the rapid camera movements and the characters' behavior. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be tightened up or improved:

- The dialogue exchange between Clyde and the teller could be condensed to make it snappier and more focused. As it is, the back-and-forth goes on for a bit too long and weakens the impact of the scene.
- There could be more attention paid to Clyde's emotions and reactions throughout the scene. While it's clear that he's scared and angry, more detailed descriptions of his physical and mental state would make him more three-dimensional as a character and heighten the stakes of the situation.
- The action of the scene could be made more specific and visually dynamic. For example, the struggle between Clyde and the butcher could be described in more detail, with specific actions and movements that create a visceral, cinematic experience for the reader/audience.
- Finally, there could be a bit more context given for why Clyde and Bonnie are robbing these places, and what their larger goals or motivations might be. While the scene is vivid and engaging on its own, it would be even more impactful if we had a better understanding of the characters' overall journey.
Suggestions Overall, this scene has good pacing and tension-building, but here are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Use description to enhance the visuals and mood: Throughout the scene, there is a lot of action happening but the description doesn't really help to paint a vivid picture. Adding sensory details and descriptive language can make the scene more engaging and help the audience feel like they are there with the characters.

2. Develop the character's emotions more: The characters of Bonnie and Clyde are quite one-dimensional in this scene, as they are either scared or angry. Adding some moments of vulnerability or introspection can make them feel more human and relatable.

3. Consider the pacing of the action: The action in the grocery store feels somewhat rushed, and it can be difficult to follow what's happening. Adding some more beats to the sequence can make it feel more nuanced and exciting. Additionally, the scene where they arrive at the empty bank could be shortened for efficiency.

4. Make use of sound and music: This scene could benefit from some sound design or music to heighten the tension and mood. The gunshot sounds, the humming of the car's engine, or some dramatic music can all enhance the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 8 - Recruitment at the Gas Station
INT. CAR. DAY.
CLYDE is shaken. He speaks haltingly, panting; trying to
get control of himself.

CLYDE
Damn him, that big son of a bitch...
He tried to kill me... I ain't got
eyes in back of my head... I didn't
want to hurt him. It wasn't a real
robbery... Some food and a little
bit of dough. I'm not against him.
Damn!

EXT. SPEEDING CAR. DAY.

The car is speeding down an open road. Suddenly it begins
to buck and cough. There is something wrong with the motor.

CLOSE SHOT. C.W. MOSS. EXT. FILLING STATION.

His cherubic cheeks are puffed up as he blows into the fuel
lines of CLYDE's car. There is a distinctly flat sound.

Reaction: CLYDE and BONNIE. CLYDE stands by the hood.
BONNIE remains seated in the car. CLYDE is covered with
sweat and grease--clearly he has gotten in his licks on the
engine without success. Neither he nor BONNIE seems
impressed by the noise C.W. is making.

Another angle. C.W.--as he screws back the fuel line and
moves between BONNIE and CLYDE to the ignition, turning the
engine over. It purrs beautifully. CLYDE is astonished.

CLYDE
What was wrong, anyway?

C.W.
(moving back to screw
on gas cap)
Air bubble--clogged the fuel line.

C.W. now stands between BONNIE and CLYDE.

C.W.
(continuing)
I just blowed her away.

CLYDE still can't get over it.

CLYDE
You just blowed it away.
C.W. belches. He is embarrassed before BONNIE.

23.


C.W.
'Scuse me, ma'm... Anythin' else I
can do for you?

CLYDE nods vigorously, looking across C.W.'s back to BONNIE.
BONNIE gets the message.

BONNIE
Well...I'm not sure...
(she looks around)
Say, them little red things there
stickin' up? Are they gas pumps?

C.W.
(he's not too bright)
Sure.

BONNIE
Isn't that interesting? How does
that there gasoline get in my
little old car?

C.W.
(trying to be helpful)
Well, y'see, there's this tank
underground, and the gas comes up
this tube into the pump and into
your car, M'am.

BONNIE
My, you're a smart fellow. You
sure know a lot about automobiles,
don't you?

C.W.
(he has no idea he's
being toyed with)
Yeah, I do.

BONNIE
Well, would you know what kind of a
car this is?

C.W.
(touching it)
Yeah, it's a Chevrolet 8-cylinder
coupe.
BONNIE
No, no.

C.W.
Sure it is.

24.


BONNIE
No, this is a stolen Chevrolet 8-
cylinder coupe.

C.W. jerks his hand off it as if he touched a hot stove.

CLYDE
(getting in the conversation)
You ain't scared, are you?
(to Bonnie)
I believe he is. What a pity. We
sure coulda used a smart boy who
knows such a great deal about
automobiles.
(suddenly business-
like, to C.W.)
You a good driver, boy?

C.W.
(getting quite confused)
I guess so.

CLYDE
(pretending to cool
on him)
No, I don't think so. He's better
off here...

BONNIE
What's your name, boy?

C.W.
C.W. Moss.

BONNIE
What's the C.W. for?

C.W.
(reluctantly)
Clarence Wallace.

BONNIE
I'm Miss Bonnie Parker and this is
Mr. Clyde Barrow. We... rob...
banks.
(C.W. reacts with
wide eyes)


CLYDE
(swiftly, testing his mettle)
Ain't nothing wrong with that, is
there, boy?

25.


C.W.
(nervously)
Uh, nope--

BONNIE
(with a put-on sigh)
No, he ain't the one.

CLYDE
Unless, Boy, you think you got
enough guts for our line of work?

C.W.
(affronted in his
dumb way)
What do you mean? I served a year
in the reform school.

BONNIE
Oh, a man with a record!

CLYDE
(laughs)
Now look here, I know you got the
nerve to short-change old ladies
who come in for gas, but what I'm
askin' you is have you got what it
takes to pull bank jobs with us?

BONNIE
Mr. C.W. Moss?

C.W.
(anxious to prove himself)
Sure, I could. Sure I could. I
ain't scared, if that's what you
think.
CLYDE
Prove it.

C.W. walks away from the car. Camera remains where it was.
We see him walk inside the gas station office, open the cash
drawer, close it and come out. He emerges with a fistful of
money. He walks over to BONNIE's window, sticks his hand
inside and drops the money on her lap. We see the bills
flutter down. Not a word is spoken. BONNIE moves over into
the middle. C.W. opens the door and gets in behind the
wheel. For a moment we see them all sitting there, each
smiling their little smile. CLYDE starts to hum a hillbilly
tune quietly. The sound track picks it up (banjo and
violin, etc.) and as the music swells, they drive off down
the road.

26.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary Bonnie and Clyde attempt to recruit C.W. Moss as their getaway driver after he fixes their car. They test his nerve and he proves himself by stealing money from the gas station cash drawer.
Strengths "The scene sets up C.W. as a potential ally for Bonnie and Clyde, and the tension builds as they test his resolve. The banter between the characters is engaging and adds to the overall tone of the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene is relatively slow-paced and may not hold the attention of some viewers. There are no major plot developments beyond the introduction of C.W. Moss."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of establishing the characters and their situation. There is a clear sense of tension and danger, as well as some humor and character development.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved.

Firstly, some of the dialogue feels a bit stilted and unrealistic. For example, when Clyde asks C.W. if he's scared, C.W. immediately responds with "Uh, nope--" which doesn't feel very authentic. It might be more effective to have C.W. hesitate or try to play it cool before admitting his fear.

Additionally, there are a few moments where the scene focuses on details that aren't particularly important to the story. For example, the description of how gasoline gets into cars feels like it could be trimmed down or cut altogether.

Overall, though, the scene is well-paced and effectively establishes the characters and their dynamics. The ending, with C.W. stealing the money and driving off with the others, is a satisfying conclusion to the scene.
Suggestions While there is decent character development and dialogue, this scene could benefit from some added tension and conflict. Suggestions could include adding a sense of urgency to the situation, such as having the police hot on their trail or adding a time limit for their next job. Additionally, the introduction of C.W. Moss seems rather sudden and convenient, so perhaps adding some backstory or history between him and the main characters would help make the scene more believable. Lastly, while the introduction of humor is appreciated, it may be beneficial to balance it out with some more serious moments to fully showcase the danger and consequences of their actions.



Scene 9 - Preparing for the Robbery
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. DAY.

A small room with a bed. On it, covered by a sheet which
humps like a mountain over his enormous stomach, is the
BUTCHER. His head is propped up on a pillow and he sips a
liquid through a bent glass straw. Camera is on the left
side of the head of the bed, seeing the BUTCHER in a three-
quarter profile. On the opposite side of the bed stands a
uniformed patrolman who is in the act of flashing mug-shot
photos for the BUTCHER to identify his assailant. The
lawman holds a stack of them in front of them, swiftly
changing the cards like a grade-school teacher with her
flash cards. At each picture, the BUTCHER grunts negatively
and goes on sipping from his glass straw. One picture, two,
three go by. The fourth picture is a mug shot of CLYDE.
Again the BUTCHER grunts 'no,' without hesitation. As the
next picture comes into view, we

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. MOTEL. NIGHT.

--on a painted wooden sign, lit by one attached light, which
reads: "MOTOR COURT".

INT. ROOM IN MOTOR COURT. NIGHT.

--in darkness. Camera is close on BONNIE. She is awake and
restless. O.S. comes the measured snoring that we will
think comes from CLYDE. BONNIE raises up and kneels over
Clyde. She needs him. Clyde seems to snore on. Camera
drops between them and we see that the snoring actually
comes from C.W. BONNIE drops back on her pillow. We cut
close on CLYDE. He is awake.

INT. CAFE. DAY.

BONNIE, CLYDE and C.W. seated in a booth in a cafe. The
Waitress brings the food and serves everybody. We see C.W.
With great concentration, as he does everything by relating
to the immediate action he happens to be involved with, he
takes the sugar shaker and begins methodically sprinkling
sugar over all his food. He sugars the meat, the beans, and
the beets. BONNIE and CLYDE watch this performance with
first, amazement and second, disgust. They can't believe
what they see.

BONNIE
(incredulously)
C.W., what are you doing? Why do
you do that?

27.


C.W.
(beginning to eat it)
Why not?

BONNIE
It's just disgusting, that's why.

C.W.
(chewing)
Not to me it ain't.

BONNIE
But...but it makes everything sweet!

C.W.
Yeah, I know.

With a resigned expression, BONNIE turns away and begins to
eat. Suddenly a look of consternation crosses C.W.'s face.

C.W.
Damn! No mayonnaise!

He gets up and goes down to the counter on the other end of
the restaurant, out of our vision, apparently planning to
put mayonnaise over the sugar. The minute he is out of
earshot, BONNIE gets CLYDE's attention.

BONNIE
Clyde, why does he have to stay in
the same room as us?

CLYDE seems not to have heard the question. He takes up the
sugar shaker and spreads a thin field of sugar on the dark
table surface. He will sketch his plan in the sugar.

CLYDE
Lemme show you about tomorrow.

BONNIE
Why?

CLYDE
Now C.W.'ll be waitin' right
outside in the car. Here is the
teller's cage. Four of them and
over here the desks and what have
you...

BONNIE
Why, Clyde...

CLYDE
Hmmm??

28.


BONNIE
In the same room with us?

CLYDE
Hell, where else? Ain't gonna
spread out all over the state...

The harshness of his tone concerns him and he recovers with
a smile.

CLYDE
(continuing)
Not yet, anyway. Now, the door to
the bank is here now. You cover me
from there.

BONNIE
(takes his hand to
her face)
Just that I love you so much.

CLYDE
You're the best damn girl in Texas.
C.W. comes back with the mayonnaise; looks at the table.

C.W.
Hey, you spilled the sugar.

Three shot.

CLYDE
(eating)
The layout for tomorrow up in
Mineola.

C.W.
Mineola? Gosh, that's four, five
hundred miles from here!

CLYDE
So what? We take U.S. 85 to Willis
Point, don't you know, and cut over
on State Highway 28 at Kaufman,
keep on goin' till we hit the farm-
to-market road that connects to 105
and that's right up by Mineola. On
a Saturday afternoon...

EXT. SMALL KANSAS TOWN.

The car driving into a small Kansas town. It is Saturday
afternoon, sunny. The streets are filled with people, cars,
wagons. C.W.

29.


is driving, BONNIE is in front with him, CLYDE is in the
back. C.W. looks scared to death at the idea of robbing a
bank. The car pulls up in front of the bank, double-parked.
BONNIE and CLYDE get out.

EXT. CAR. DAY.

CLYDE
Keep it running.

BONNIE and CLYDE enter bank.
Genres: ["crime","drama"]

Summary Bonnie and Clyde plan their bank heist with C.W. in a café and later arrive in Mineola. They are seen double-parked in front of the bank, where they prepare to commit the robbery.
Strengths "Strong character development and an engaging plot"
Weaknesses "Lack of action and low emotional impact"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique First and foremost, the scene lacks a clear objective or conflict, making it slow and unengaging for the audience. There is no clear goal established for any character, and the dialogue feels more like exposition than meaningful conversation. Additionally, the formatting is not correct, making it difficult to follow the action.

The scene starts with a description of the surroundings and the physical appearance of the characters, but it lacks a clear sense of purpose, leaving the audience to wonder where the story is heading. Furthermore, the dialogue does not reveal much about the characters, and the interaction between them feels forced and unnatural.

To improve the scene, the writer could focus on establishing clear objectives for the characters and a more engaging conflict. For example, the patrolman and butcher could have a tense conversation about the assailant, or Bonnie and Clyde could disagree over the plan for the next robbery. Additionally, the dialogue could reveal more about the characters' personalities and motivations, making them more relatable and interesting to the audience. Finally, the formatting should follow standard industry practices to make it easier to read and understand.
Suggestions 1. Make the hospital room scene more visually dynamic by adding more camera angles and movements. For example, you could cut to close-ups of the mug shot photos and the Butcher's face as he examines them, or have the camera move in a sweeping motion to create more tension and suspense.

2. Develop the character of C.W. more by giving him clear motivations and a backstory. Right now, he comes off as a one-dimensional character who is just there for comic relief. Perhaps he could have a personal connection to the gang or a reason for his involvement in their crimes.

3. Show more of the planning and preparation for the bank robbery in Mineola. This will increase the stakes and tension for the audience as they see all the factors that could go wrong.

4. Consider adding more dialogue and character interactions during the bank robbery scene to showcase each character's unique personality and quirks.

5. Find ways to tie all the scenes together thematically or narratively. Right now, the scenes feel disjointed and lack a clear throughline. By connecting them in some way, the story will feel more cohesive and satisfying for the audience.



Scene 10 - Bank Robbery and Getaway
INT. BANK #2. DAY.

Cut to the interior of the bank. BONNIE and CLYDE come in,
assume the class positions--she at the door where she can
cover the bank, CLYDE at the first teller's cage.
CLYDE
(in a very quiet voice)
This is a stickup.

TELLER
What?

CLYDE
This is a stickup.

This time everyone in the bank hears it. The people gasp
and pull back. CLYDE slowly edges toward the door and prods
BONNIE forward. She carries a paper sack. CLYDE motions
her to go from cage to cage and get all of the money.
BONNIE begins doing so, while CLYDE keeps his gun trained on
everybody. We see BONNIE get the money from the first
teller, the second teller, then...

EXT. SMALL TOWN STREET. DAY.

A car parked in a tight spot has just pulled out.

Close-up C.W. Day--who suddenly looks delighted to see a
parking space.

EXT. CAR - STREET. DAY.

Immediately he methodically begins to back in. It's a tight
spot and he has to cut the wheel, pull forward, cut some
more, pull back and so on. The scene, for the audience,
should be nervous and funny.

CUT TO:

30.


INT. BANK #2. DAY.

Inside the bank, BONNIE and CLYDE have filled the sack.
They run out the door, the camera tracks with them.

EXT. SMALL TOWN STREET. DAY.

They run for where the car was, but it isn't there. Then
they see C.W. has parked it.

INT. CAR. DAY.

CLYDE
Let's go! Let's go!
C.W. suddenly realizes what a stupid thing he's done.

EXT. CAR. STREET. DAY.

C.W. tries to shoot out of the parking spot, but he can't.
He has to go through the business of backing up, cutting the
wheel and all of it. The scene is one of pure pandemonium
and chaos.

INT. CAR.

CLYDE
Come on! Get it out!

EXT. CAR. DAY.

A policeman arrives and begins firing at car. C.W. gets the
car halfway out of the spot, scraping fenders in the process,
and the car is almost out when suddenly a face looms up at
the window--a dignified, white-haired, celluloid-collared
man, obviously a bank official who has leaped onto the
running board. His screaming can barely by distinguished
from all the noise.

MAN
Stop!

CLYDE fires through the window.

Close-up (special effects). The face of the man explodes in
blood. Then he drops out of sight.

EXT. CAR. DAY.

The car shoots off down the road, doing ninety. Police are
firing at the escaping car; BONNIE and CLYDE are shooting
out the back window; C.W. is almost having a nervous
breakdown at the wheel.

31.


EXT. STREET. A MOVIE HOUSE. DAY.

A police car that had been chasing CLYDE and BONNIE's car
comes down the street. It is obvious that the cops have
lost them. They are searching the street for a sign of
CLYDE's car. They pass a movie house whose marquee reads:
"GOLDDIGGERS OF 1933." They slow for a moment, decide that
is not a probable place to look. They drive off.
INT. MOVIE HOUSE. WIDE ACROSS AUDIENCE AT SCREEN.

The opening musical sequence of "Golddiggers" is on the
screen. Ginger Rogers sings "We're In The Money." Among
the audience we cannot make out our three people. It is a
small audience and thinly dispersed.

Tight shot at audience. Camera pans the audience while on
the track we hear the music of the song. First of our group
who becomes visible is C.W. He is staring at the screen and
eating bites from a candy bar in each hand. Camera pans
further and we see that CLYDE is in the row behind C.W. and
a few seats to one side. CLYDE is nervous and keeps watching
the entrance doors. He is in a rage. He shifts in his seat.

CLYDE
Boy, you gotta be poor in the head.
You...! Count of you I killed a
man. Murder...you too.

Shot from behind CLYDE. Shooting toward screen.

CLYDE
(continuing)
Dumb ass stupid.

C.W. turns to CLYDE and nods agreement. This infuriates
CLYDE even more. He slaps the back of C.W.'s head.

CLYDE
Ever do a dumb thing like that
again, I'll kill you boy!

Angle at BONNIE. She has been watching the movie; is now
disturbed by the noise. She turns back to CLYDE from her
seat on the aisle.

BONNIE
Ssshh! If you boys want to talk
why don't you go outside?

She smiles at her joke and turns back to the screen to the
movie which she is obviously enjoying enormously.

32.
Genres: ["crime","drama"]

Summary Bonnie and Clyde rob a bank and escape with C.W. Moss as their driver. They engage in a chaotic car chase and shoot-out with police, then hide out in a movie theater.
Strengths "Pacing and action keeps the audience engaged. The tension is maintained throughout the entire scene. The characters' personalities and relationships are further developed."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue is weak and cliched. There are some plot developments that seem somewhat contrived."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and the action is clear and easy to follow. The tension builds effectively, with Bonnie and Clyde robbing the bank and the chaos that ensues as they try to escape the police. The dialogue between the characters feels believable and adds to the tension, particularly Clyde's anger and his threat towards C.W.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. Firstly, there is a lot of action happening in a short space of time, and some of the description could be condensed or simplified to make it easier to follow. For example, the section where C.W. is trying to park the car could be shortened, as it feels like it interrupts the more important action of the bank robbery and subsequent escape.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more visual description to help the reader envision what is happening on screen. For example, when Bonnie is collecting money from the tellers, it would be helpful to know how much money she is taking and how she is stuffing it into the paper sack. Similarly, when the car is being shot at by the police, it would be helpful to know what the bullets are hitting and what the damage looks like.

Overall, this scene is well-written and thrilling, but could benefit from some small improvements in clarity and visual description.
Suggestions Firstly, the scene could benefit from more description and detail. Instead of relying solely on dialogue, there should be clear actions and movements for the characters. For example, when Clyde motions Bonnie to go from cage to cage to get money, there should be specific actions and movements that show how she is doing this.

Additionally, there should be more tension and suspense in the scene as it is a bank robbery. The audience should feel the fear and panic of the people in the bank. This can be shown through visuals, sound effects, and camera angles.

Furthermore, the scene where C.W. parks the car and struggles to get out should be shortened or removed entirely. It disrupts the flow of the scene and takes away from the tension and action of the robbery.

Finally, the scene in the movie theater should be expanded upon and made more significant. It is a unique and memorable setting, but it feels rushed and lacking in depth. The dialogue between the characters could be more meaningful and reveal their motivations and feelings.



Scene 11 - Bonnie and Clyde discuss their future
INT. CHEAP MOTEL BATHROOM. CLOSE-UP BONNIE. DAY.

On the right of the screen, f.g., BONNIE stands at the sink
fixing her make-up in the mirror. The make-up has become
more conservative. On the left, further back, is a bathtub
and in it sits C.W. His head and knees peek over the gray,
soapy water. He is engaged with his usual single-minded
concentration, in washing himself, carefully scrubbing his
arms, not a thought in his head. BONNIE finishes her make-
up and regards herself quizzically, tilting her head to look
at herself at different angles. She is smoking a cigarette,
and really, studying herself.

BONNIE
What do you think of me, C.W.?

C.W.
Uh...well, you're just fine, I
guess. Uh, well, course you're a
real good shot...and...uh...well,
sometimes you look pretty as a
painting.

Camera stays with BONNIE during all this, watching her look
at herself as she listens to C.W.'s evaluation. She has a
narcissistic concern at the moment and as she hears him
enumerate her values, she thinks about each in turn and
decides yes, that's true.

C.W.
Hey, uh, Bonnie...could you get me
that washrag there?

Responding automatically, BONNIE turns and walks to a towel
rack, pulls the washcloth off and starts toward C.W. when
suddenly she stops with a smile on her face and a sudden
motion. Teasingly, she holds the washcloth out at arm's
length.

BONNIE
(coyly)
Why'nt you come get it?

C.W.
(not even realizing
what's on her mind)
Huh?

BONNIE
(wiggling the
washcloth like a
bull-fighter's cape)
Whyn't you come get it, C.W.?

33.
Suddenly C.W. looks mortally embarrassed as he realizes what
that would entail.

C.W.
Aw, Bonnie, come on, gimme it.

BONNIE tries another tack. She begins sauntering over
slowly, teasingly, still holding out the treasured washcloth.

BONNIE
(pertly)
All right, I'll bring it myself.

As she moves closer to the tub, C.W. realizes that she will
be able to peer down into the tub and see him and he
frantically reaches up with one hand and yanks the washcloth
into the tub, causing a great splash. BONNIE, somewhat the
victim of the splash, jumps back and away. Recovering her
composure, she looks at C.W. who is slunk down in the tub
like a gross September Morn. She has tried him and he has
failed; she realizes now that he was no choice for her; no
real man, even if he might perform sexually. He is a lump.
This irritates her; his very presence is demeaning to
herself and CLYDE.

BONNIE
(irritated with
herself for even
thinking of such a thing)
You simpleton, what would you do if
we just pulled out some night while
you was asleep?

C.W.
(trying to give the
right answer, but
obviously faking it)
Oh, I wouldn't know what to do.
But you wouldn't do that. You
couldn't now.

BONNIE realizes, with some weariness, the inevitable truth
of what he's said; thus resigned, she says patronizingly:

BONNIE
That's right, C.W. We'll always be
around to take care of you.

Pointedly, she throws her cigarette in his bath-water,
"Sssssssssss." She turns and leaves the bathroom, slamming
the door behind her.
34.


INT. BEDROOM.

Camera goes with her into the connecting bedroom. CLYDE is
sitting on the edge of the bed cleaning the guns and oiling
them. He is quiet and preoccupied and takes no note of
BONNIE's present condition. The moment she enters, he looks
up.

CLYDE
(quietly)
Bonnie, I want to talk to you. Sit
down.

BONNIE sits, a little taken off balance by his serious
manner. But she listens quietly.

CLYDE
(continuing)
This afternoon we killed a man and
we were seen. Now nobody knows who
you are yet, but they're going to
be after me and anybody who's
runnin' with me. Now that's murder
now and it's gonna get rough.
(BONNIE nods. CLYDE
continues speaking
carefully and gently.)
Look, I can't get out, but right
now you still can. You say the
word and I'll put you on the bus to
go back to your Mother. 'Cause you
mean a lot to me, honey, and I
ain't going to make you run with me.
So if you want, you say the word.

BONNIE, moved by his offer, has tears in her eyes.

CLYDE
(as he pauses)
Why? We ain't gonna have a minute's
peace.

BONNIE doesn't like him in this mood. She tries to josh him
out of it.

BONNIE
Oh, pshaw.

CLYDE
(trying to make her
see the seriousness
of it)
Bonnie, we could get killed.

35.


BONNIE
(death has no reality
for her)
Who'd wanna kill a sweet young
thing like me?

CLYDE
(amused in spite of himself)
I ain't no sweet young thing.

BONNIE
Oh, Clyde, I can't picture you with
a halo, and if you went to the
other place you'd rob the Devil
blind, so he'd kick you right back
to me.

Close-up. CLYDE--touched deeply, realizes that this was a
lovely thing to say to him.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary Clyde offers Bonnie an out, knowing they're being pursued by the police after killing a man during a heist. Bonnie declines, their mutual devotion reaffirmed.
Strengths "Strong emotional performances from both lead actors, particularly during Clyde's offer to Bonnie. Intimate setting provides a personal touch to a high-stakes story."
Weaknesses "C.W.'s previous scene largely unconnected to the rest of the plot. Some may find the tonal shift from playful with C.W. to serious with Bonnie jarring."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 10


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 10

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 10

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene has good character development and dialogue that stays true to the characters, particularly Bonnie's narcissistic tendencies. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved.

First, the setting could be better established to create a stronger visual image for the audience. Include more details about the state of the motel bathroom, such as the color of the walls or the state of the towels. This will help the audience better visualize the scene.

Second, the camera direction could be clearer. What is the intended shot for each character's dialogue? More detail on camera angles and movements would make the scene stronger.

Finally, the scene ends abruptly and could use a clearer transition to the next scene or moment. Add more closure to the scene or a stronger transition to the bedroom scene.

Overall, the scene has potential but could be strengthened with more attention to setting, camera direction, and closure.
Suggestions 1. Add more sensory details: While the scene has dialogue and action, it lacks sensory details to make it more engaging and immersive. Adding more specific descriptions of the sights, sounds, smells, and textures in the scene would help the audience feel like they are in the room with the characters.

2. Clarify character motivations: C.W.'s behavior in the scene is unclear--why is he so embarrassed by Bonnie's teasing when he has already seen her naked before? Clarifying character motivations can improve the logic and consistency of the scene.

3. Develop the emotional through-line: The scene starts with Bonnie being narcissistic, shifts to her teasing C.W., and ends with Clyde offering Bonnie a way out. While there is some continuity in the scene, it would benefit from a stronger emotional through-line that ties all the actions and dialogue together with a clear goal or conflict.

4. Foreshadow future events: As scene 11 out of 44, there are likely key events that will happen later in the script. Adding subtle hints or foreshadowing can create anticipation and lead the audience to want to see what happens next.



Scene 12 - Brothers Reunite
INT. MOTEL BEDROOM.

They kiss. They are near the bed on which are some guns
that CLYDE has been cleaning. The kiss moves toward real
love making. They are on the bed and push the guns aside.
Some fall to the floor. CLYDE breaks the embrace after it
has reached a high pitch. He moves away from the bed toward
the window. BONNIE follows him and embraces him from the
rear. They are miserable. BONNIE frees him and returns to
the bed. She falls on it face down. A gun presses into her
face. CLYDE sits in the window, the light silhouettes him.
He turns his face toward the glass and rests his head on the
window pane. BONNIE turns to him from bed. She smiles a
comforting smile at him. She rolls over onto her back. The
gun is now under her head and moves it. She sits up and
gestures to CLYDE. He remains at the window. She stares at
him. She looks toward the bathroom. She looks back at
CLYDE. She is moved and pained for him. She touches her
cheek with the gun and waits for him to be able to look at
her. Finally he does. Her look eases him and he almost
smiles.

INT. BUCK'S CAR. DAY.
Shot of little fuzzy doll tied by a white shoestring to the
rear-view mirror of a car. The car is moving; the doll is
bouncing up and down. In the front seat are BUCK and
BLANCHE BARROW. BUCK is a jovial, simple, big-hearted man.
A little chubby, given to raucous jokes, knee-slapping and
broad reactions. He is, in many ways, the emotional opposite
of his brother. It doesn't take much to make him happy.
BLANCHE, his wife, is the direct opposite of BONNIE.

36.


She is a housefrau, no more and no less, not terribly
bright, not very ambitious, cuddly, simpering, madly in love
with BUCK and desirous of keeping their lives on the straight
and narrow. As the scene begins we hear and then see BUCK,
driving, singing "The Great Speckled Bird." BLANCHE is
sitting next to him looking at a movie magazine, appearing
fairly miserable.

BUCK
(singing)
"What a beautiful thought I am
thinking
Concernin' that great speckled
bird,
Remember his name is recorded
on the pages of God's Holy word..."

BLANCHE
All right, now you did foolish
things as a young man, honey-love,
but you went and paid your debt to
society and that was right. But
now you just gettin' back in with
the criminal element.

BUCK
Criminal element! This is my
brother, darlin'. Shoot, he ain't
no more criminal than you are,
Blanche.

BLANCHE
Well, that ain't what I heard.

BUCK
Now word of mouth just don't go,
darlin', you gotta have the facts.
Shoot. Why he and me growed up
together, slept and worked side by
side.
(laughing)
God, what a boy he was!

BLANCHE
He's a crook.

BUCK
(chidingly)
Now you stop bad-mouthin' him,
Blanche. We're just gonna have us
a little family visit for a few
weeks and then we'll go back to
Dallas and I'll get me a job
somewheres.
(MORE)

37.


BUCK (CONT'D)
I just ain't gonna work in your
Daddy's church--That's final.
(laughing it off, singing)
"What a beautiful thought I am
thinking
Concernin' that great speckled
bird..."

CUT TO:

EXT. CABIN. THE FRONT OF THE MOTEL. DAY.

BUCK's car drives up to the cabin, honking the horn wildly.
The door of the cabin opens and CLYDE comes running out. He
is overjoyed to see his brother. BUCK jumps out of the car,
equally delighted. They hug each other.

CLYDE
(hugging him)
Buck!

BUCK
Clyde! You son of a bitch!

They laugh happily and begin sparring with each other,
faking punches and blocking punches--an old childhood ritual.
There is a great feeling of warmth between the two brothers.
CLYDE is more outgoing than we have ever seen him before.

CLYDE
How's ma? How's sister?
BUCK
Just fine, just fine. Send their
best to you.

CLYDE
(patting Buck's stomach)
Hey, you're fillin' out there.
Must be that prison food.

BUCK
Hell no!
(laughing)
It's married life. You know what
they say, it's the face powder that
gets a man interested, but it's the
baking powder that keeps him at
home.
(MORE)

38.


BUCK (CONT'D)
(he explodes with
laughter and so does
Clyde, who loves
Buck's jokes)
Hey! you gotta meet my wife. Hey,
honey, c'mon out here now and meet
my baby brother.

Camera swings to car. We see BLANCHE still sitting there,
her face obscured by the glint of sun on the windshield.
Slowly, she gets out of the car, still carrying the movie
magazine.

BLANCHE
(suspiciously, quite
the grand lady)
Howdy-do.

CLYDE
(shaking her hand)
Howdy-do. It's real nice to know
you.

BUCK beams with pleasure, thinking they must like each other.
BONNIE comes out of the cabin, standing on the steps. The
screen door slams behind her.

Close-up. BONNIE. Day--expressionless, looking it all over.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary Clyde and Bonnie share a moment of intimacy, Buck and Blanche drive to the cabin, and Buck and Clyde reunite joyfully.
Strengths "The scene effectively conveys the deep love between Buck and Clyde as brothers, and contrasts with the chaotic and dangerous robbery that precedes it."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel slow-paced compared to the earlier action, and does not advance the plot significantly."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene has some strengths but also some weaknesses.

Firstly, the scene is well-written in terms of dialogue and description. It's clear what the characters are doing and feeling, and the dialogue reflects their personalities and motives. For example, Buck's jovial and simple personality is reflected in his singing and jokes, while Blanche's suspicion and concern is evident in her dialogue with Buck.

However, the scene also has some weaknesses. There is a lack of visual interest and action in the scene, which can make it feel stagnant and slow. Additionally, the scene feels disjointed from the scene before it, which had a lot of tension and intimacy between Bonnie and Clyde. The sudden shift to Buck and Blanche's scene feels jarring and takes away from the emotional impact of the previous scene.

Overall, while there are some strengths in the scene's writing, it could benefit from more visual interest and better transitions between scenes.
Suggestions First and foremost, the scene would benefit from more clear and concise visual descriptions. It can be difficult to follow the action with the current phrasing. Additionally, it would be beneficial to have more insight into the emotional state of the characters.

For example, when Clyde breaks the embrace, it would be helpful to know why and what he's feeling in that moment. Is he nervous about the guns nearby, or is there something else on his mind? Similarly, when Bonnie smiles at him, it's unclear what that smile means or how it affects Clyde.

Overall, adding more depth to the characters and their motivations would improve the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 13 - Meet and Greet
EXT. CABIN.

BUCK and CLYDE notice nothing of this. BUCK bounds over to
BONNIE, all jollity.

BUCK
(grabbing her)
Well! You must be Bonnie! Now I
hear you been takin' good care of
the baby in the family. Well sis,
I'm real glad to meet you!
(he hugs her; BONNIE
just lets herself be hugged)
Say...
(breaking the hug)
I'd like you to meet my wife,
Blanche.

BONNIE
(stiffly)
Hello.

39.


BLANCHE
(stiffly)
Hello.

There is an awkward pause. Suddenly the screen door opens
and C.W. comes out, dressed in his long underwear. BLANCHE
can hardly stand it.

CLYDE
Everybody, this is C.W. Moss.
C.W., my brother Buck and his wife,
Blanche.

C.W.
(friendly)
Heighdy, y'all.

He pumps BUCK's hand vigorously and then goes to BLANCHE.
With his characteristic one-track intensity, he decides to
act just as friendly as he can with BLANCHE, ignoring the
fact that he's standing there in his underwear. BLANCHE,
however, is not ignoring it.

C.W.
Well how do, Mrs. Barrow. Or can I
call you Blanch? I sure am pleased
to meet you.
(shaking her hand;
Blanche is slowly
going crazy with mortification)
Did you have a hard time findin' us
here in this neck of the woods?
Well, you sure picked a good day
for it. Say, you got a Screenland
there! Any new photos of Myrna Loy?
She's my favorite picture star.

BLANCHE is starting to edge over to BUCK in sheer panic at
this strange, young man in his BVD's but C.W. takes no
notice of it.

BLANCHE finally grabs BUCK's arm. BONNIE watches it all,
smirking.

BUCK
Hey, lemme get the Kodak!

BUCK goes to his car and gets a folding Brownie camera.

CLYDE
(lighting up a cigar)
Hey, C.W., go put your pants on.
We're gonna take some pictures.

40.


BUCK
Y'all hear about the guy who
thought Western Union was a cowboy's
underwear?

BUCK and CLYDE and C.W. laugh heartily. C.W. goes into the
cabin. BUCK pushes BLANCHE and CLYDE together, posing them
for a picture.

BONNIE
Lemme get one of my bride and my
brother.

BLANCHE
(getting kittenish,
and overdoing it)
Buck! Don't take my picture now.
I'm just a mess from driving all day.

BUCK
Oh honey, now you look real fine.
BONNIE watches BLANCHE's behavior with hardly-veiled disgust.
BUCK snaps the picture as BLANCHE is just about to move out
of it.

BLANCHE
(with unbecoming
girlish outrage)
Did you take my picture? Oh Buck!
I declare--

BUCK laughs and goes to BONNIE, takes her by the arm and
moves her next to CLYDE and BLANCHE. He lines them up,
steps back and takes their picture. CLYDE is the only one
smiling.

CLYDE
(pulling out his gun
and posing like a
movie tough)
Hey, Buck, get one of this.

BUCK does.

BUCK
(giving Clyde the camera)
Clyde, you do one of me and my
missus.

He puts his arm around BLANCHE. CLYDE takes the picture.

41.


CLYDE
(throwing her a challenge)
Let me take on of Bonnie.

BONNIE grins at him and responds with amused arrogance.

BONNIE
(she yanks the cigar
from Clyde's mouth,
smokes it and poses)
Okay.

CLYDE snaps the picture. Everyone but BLANCHE laughs. C.W.
comes out dressed.

BUCK
(drawing Clyde aside)
Hey, brother, let's you and me do a
little talkin'.
CLYDE
(handing C.W. the camera)
Here, C.W., take the girls' picture.
Genres: ["crime","drama"]

Summary The Barrow gang arrives at a cabin and Buck introduces Bonnie to his wife, Blanche. C.W. comes out in his long underwear and goes on to charm Blanche, much to her discomfort. The gang takes pictures and shares some jokes.
Strengths "The scene has a light-hearted tone that provides a break from the intensity of the previous scenes. The characters' personalities and dynamic are further developed through their interactions. The humor drives the scene forward."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant plot development, and the stakes are relatively low. There is no conflict to speak of."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 6

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 2

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 2

Story Forward: 4

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique This scene is well written and effectively sets the tone for the film. The dialogue is realistic and the interactions between the characters are believable. The introduction of Blanche adds a new dynamic to the group, and the tension between her and C.W. is particularly well done. However, there are some areas where the scene could be improved. The stage directions could be more detailed, giving the actors a clearer idea of their movements and motivations. Additionally, the camera angles could be more clearly defined, as some of the shots are not explicitly described. Overall, this is a solid scene that effectively advances the plot and develops the characters.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add more description to the setting: While the scene takes place outside of a cabin, there is no description of the surroundings or atmosphere. Adding details could help set the tone for the scene. Is it sunny or cloudy? Are there trees around the cabin? Is there any noise in the background?

2. Develop the character interactions: The dialogue between the characters feels stiff and unnatural. Adding more personality and quirks to each character could make the scene more interesting and engaging. For example, have Blanche react to C.W.'s long underwear in a more humorous way, or have Bonnie tease Clyde about his tough-guy pose.

3. Add conflict: The scene lacks any real conflict, making it feel unimportant. Introducing a problem or tension could make the scene more engaging. For example, perhaps Blanche is uncomfortable with the Barrow Gang's lifestyle, or Buck and Clyde are arguing over their plans.



Scene 14 - Boys' Clubhouse
INT. CABIN. DAY.

They walk into the cabin. Camera goes with them. Bedroom
is dark, shades pulled down. There is an aura of boys'
clubhouse secret camaraderie in the following scene:

BUCK
(as soon as the door
is shut; conspiratorially)
It was you or him, wasn't it?

CLYDE
Huh?

BUCK
That guy you killed. You had to,
didn't ya?

CLYDE
(they are protecting
each other)
Yeah, he put me in a spot, so I had
to. He didn't have a Chinaman's
chance.

BUCK
But you had to--

CLYDE
Yeah. I had to.

42.


BUCK
(like two kids
keeping a secret from Mom)
Don't say nothin' to Blanche about
it.

CLYDE
Hey, that time you broke out of
jail, she talk you into goin' back?

BUCK
(it is obvious he had
hoped Clyde hadn't
known about it)
Yeah, you hear about that?

CLYDE
I won't say nothin' to Bonnie about
it.

BUCK
I appreciate it.

CLYDE
Yeah...say, what d'ya think of
Bonnie?

BUCK
She's a real peach.

There is now a long pause--a lull in the conversation, as if
they asked each other all the questions and are now out of
things to say. It is too much for BUCK, the natural enemy
of silence, who suddenly claps his hands together and bursts
out animatedly:

BUCK
Boy, are we gonna have us a good
time!

CLYDE
(matching his merriment)
We surely are!

BUCK
Yessir!
(a pause, then:)
What are we gonna do?

CLYDE
Well, how's this--I thought we'd
all go to Missouri. They ain't
lookin' for me there. We'll hole
up someplace and have us a regular
vacation. All right?

43.


BUCK
No trouble, now?

CLYDE
No trouble. I ain't lookin' to go
back to prison.
BUCK
Hey, what's this I hear about you
cuttin' up your toes, boy?

CLYDE
(ironically)
That ain't but half of it. I did
it so I could get off work detail--
breakin' those damned rocks with a
hammer day and night. Sure enough,
next week I got paroled. I walked
out of that god-forsaken jail on
crutches.

BUCK
Shoot--

CLYDE
Ain't life grand?

EXT. ROAD. DAY.

We see the two cars, one behind the other, driving down a
main road.

INT. FIRST CAR. DAY.

CLYDE is driving. BUCK sits next to him. No one else is in
the car.

BUCK
And the doc, he takes him aside,
says, "Son, your old mama just
gettin' weak and sickly layin'
there. I want you to persuade her
to take a little Brandy, y'know, to
pick her spirits up." "Why, doc,"
he says, "you know my mamma is a
teetotaler. She wouldn't touch a
drop." "Well, I tell you what," the
doc says, "why don't you bring her
a fresh quart of milk every day
from your farm, 'cept you fix it up
so half of it's Brandy and don't
let on!" So he does that, doctors
it up with Brandy, and his mamma
drinks some of it.
(MORE)

44.
BUCK (CONT'D)
And the next day he brings it again
and she drinks some more--and she
keeps it up every day. Finally,
one week later, he brings her the
milk and don't you know she just
shallows it all down, and looks at
her bag and says, "Son, whatever
you do, don't sell that cow!"

CLYDE and BUCK explode in laughter.

INT. SECOND CAR. DAY.

At the top of the laugh, cut to the int. of the second car,
riding right in back of them. The atmosphere is completely
unlike the cozy and jolly scene preceding. We have dead
silence. BONNIE is driving, smoking a cigarette, grim.
BLANCHE--seated as far away as she can get from BONNIE
without falling out of the car--makes a face at the cigarette
smoke, rolls down the window for air. C.W.'s in the back
seat, just staring.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary After arriving at a cabin, Buck and Clyde share a moment of intimacy, discuss their recent criminal actions, and plan their next move. They take pictures and joke around, while C.W. charmingly flirts with Blanche.
Strengths "Strong character development and relationship building."
Weaknesses "Lack of significant plot developments."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 2

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 5

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effective in showing the relationship between Buck and Clyde, as well as the dynamic between the gang and their female companions. The dialogue feels natural and reveals important information about the characters' pasts and motivations without feeling forced.

One minor critique could be that the scene feels a bit aimless and lacks a clear objective or conflict. However, this could be intentional in order to contrast with the tense atmosphere in the other car.

Overall, this scene effectively develops character and relationships, but could benefit from more clear objectives or conflicts to keep the momentum of the story going.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Consider adding more visual description to set the tone of the scene. You mention an "aura of boys' clubhouse secret camaraderie," but it would be helpful to describe the physical space of the cabin as well. How is it decorated? Are there any props that might add to the tone?

2. Give the characters more distinct voices. Right now, Buck and Clyde's dialogue is pretty interchangeable. Consider giving them different speech patterns or slang. This could also help differentiate their characters from each other.

3. Show, don't tell. Clyde and Buck's conversation mostly serves to convey information to the audience about their past actions. Instead of having them directly state what they've done, could you show it in a flashback or a more visual way?

4. Consider tightening up the dialogue. While some of the banter between Clyde and Buck is entertaining, there are sections that drag on too long or aren't relevant to the plot. Try to prune away any extraneous details and keep the dialogue focused on moving the story forward.

5. Create more tension between Bonnie and Clyde. Right now, their storyline feels separate from what's happening with Buck and Clyde. Think about ways to ramp up the conflict between them and build towards a bigger moment of confrontation.



Scene 15 - Moving In
EXT. GARAGE APARTMENT. DAY.

A residential street in Joplin, Missouri, showing a garage
apartment above a double garage. Camera sees BUCK talking
to a dapper gent with keys in his hand. BUCK pays him. The
man tips his hat and walks off. BUCK gestures and Clyde
drives a car into the driveway. C.W. follows, driving
BUCK's car with BLANCHE. CLYDE stops beside BUCK. BUCK
leans into CLYDE's car and says:

BUCK
I give him a month's rent in
advance. We're all set. Let's get
inside.

CLYDE calls back to C.W. in the following car.

CLYDE
Pull up and unload the stuff.

BUCK
(on the running board
of moving car)
Honey-love, I'm taking you into our
first home.
BLANCHE giggles. The two cars pull up before the garage and
the people start to descend.

45.


INT. GARAGE APARTMENT. DAY.

A winded BUCK enters and puts down BLANCHE. As others
behind him carry in their things and disperse throughout
apartment.

BLANCHE
Oh look, it's so clean, Buck. And
a Frigidaire...not an icebox!

BUCK
He give me the grocery number.

He goes to the phone.

BUCK
(continuing)
Lemme see, eh 4337...Operator...
please ma'm, may I have 4337...if
you please?

BLANCHE
Oh...they got linoleum on the
counter. Ain't that clever!

BUCK
Hello, Smitty's grocery...I'd like
to order a mess of groceries. Oh
yeah...eh 143 Hillsdale Street.
Lessee, about 8 pounds of porkchops,
4 pounds of red beans...a can of
Chase and Sandborn...uh.

BLANCHE
Oh, isn't this something, Daddy!

BUCK
Sshh. Uh...quart of milk...uh 8
bottles of Dr. Pepper and that's
it, I guess. No...no. Uh...a box
of Rice Krispies...Bye now.

CUT TO:

INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY.
Open on BONNIE and CLYDE. He is cleaning guns. She is
watching something off screen. We hear a clicking sound.

BLANCHE (O.S.)
My, you need a haircut, Daddy. You
look like a hillbilly boy.

46.


A look of disgust crosses BONNIE's face. CLYDE, who has
been watching her, smiles. The clicking sound increases
suddenly.

BUCK (O.S.)
Gotcha!

BLANCHE whoops. Camera cuts to see that BUCK and C.W. are
playing checkers and BUCK has just beaten him.

C.W.
Again.

BUCK
Boy, you ain't never gonna beat me
but you keep tryin' now.

He starts to set up the game again.

BLANCHE
Jest like an ol' man. Plays
checkers all the time and doesn't
pay any attention to his poor
lonely wife.

She ruffles his hair again.

BUCK
Cut it out now, honey. I'm gonna
teach this boy a lesson he'll never
forget.

Camera cuts to BONNIE, watching with disgust. Then slowly,
a wicked little smile edges across her face. She watches
for a moment more, then she rises and with the most ingenuous
look she can muster up, beckons to CLYDE to follow her into
the bedroom. A little puzzled, CLYDE follows.
Genres: ["crime","drama"]

Summary The Barrow gang settles into a new residence, while Buck and C.W. play checkers and Blanche admires the Frigidaire. Bonnie and Clyde share a moment of intimacy before she lures him into the bedroom.
Strengths "The scene offers a light-hearted respite before more serious events unfold. The dynamic between characters is charming and playful."
Weaknesses "The scene does not have high stakes or conflict, which may make it forgettable in the grand scheme of the story."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 2

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene effectively establishes the characters and their new living situation. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue could be more naturalistic. Some of the lines, particularly Buck's grocery order on the phone, feel clunky and stilted. It would be helpful to read the dialogue out loud to see where it could be improved.

Secondly, the scene could benefit from more visual storytelling. While the dialogue establishes the characters' excitement and enthusiasm for their new home, it would be more engaging for the audience to see the characters exploring the space and interacting with their new surroundings.

Finally, the scene could use more conflict or tension to keep the audience engaged. As it stands, the scene is mostly exposition and establishing character dynamics. Adding some conflict or tension, whether through a disagreement or a moment of suspense, would make the scene more engaging for the audience.

Overall, the scene has potential but could use some refinement in dialogue, visual storytelling, and creating conflict or tension.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Establish the location and time of day in the first sentence: Instead of just saying "EXT. GARAGE APARTMENT. DAY.", you could add more detail to paint a clearer picture for the audience. For example, "On a sunny afternoon in Joplin, Missouri, the camera pans to a garage apartment above a double garage on a quiet residential street."

2. Show instead of telling: Rather than having Buck verbally explain that he paid the rent in advance and they're ready to move in, you could show him handing the keys to Clyde and gesturing for him to pull the car into the driveway. This would add some visual interest to the scene.

3. Cut down on the dialogue: There is a lot of dialogue in this scene that doesn't necessarily move the story forward or reveal much about the characters. Consider trimming some of the lines to make the scene more concise and impactful.

4. Increase the tension: The scene could benefit from some heightened tension or conflict. Maybe there's a neighbor who is suspicious of the new tenants and keeps peeking out their window, or Buck and C.W. have a disagreement about where to put a piece of furniture. Adding some obstacles for the characters to overcome would make the scene more interesting.

5. Add some physical action: Rather than just having the characters sit around and talk, consider adding some movement or physical action. For example, while Buck is on the phone ordering groceries, Blanche could be exploring the apartment and discovering new things. Or while Buck and C.W. are playing checkers, Bonnie and Clyde could be engaging in some light-hearted flirting or playful banter. Adding some physical action would make the scene more dynamic and engaging for the audience.



Scene 16 - Intimacy in the Bedroom
INT. BEDROOM.

BONNIE closes the door and immediately begins fussing with
CLYDE's hair, doing a scathing imitation of BLANCHE. Though
her miming expresses her irritation at being closeted with
the Barrow menage, it is also a peach doing an imitation of
a lemon--and it is disarmingly sensual... Indeed the mimicry
allows BONNIE to be physically freer with CLYDE, and allows
CLYDE to respond without anxiety, without self-consciousness.
We should have the distinct--if momentary--feeling that
CLYDE could suddenly make it with BONNIE.

47.


BONNIE
(doing an unmerciful imitation)
Oh, Daddy, you shore need a haircut.
You look just like a little old
hillbilly boy, I do declare.
(she has her other
hand toying with the
buttons on his shirt,
her hand slipping
under, fluttering
across his bare chest)
Oh mercy me, oh my stars!

CLYDE laughs, and BONNIE tugs at the shirt--she kneels on
the bed over CLYDE, who quite easily drapes across it.

BONNIE
(a little louder)
Oh, Daddy! Yore such a slowpoke!

She's letting her hair fall loose, its golden ends brushing
up and down CLYDE's body.

CLYDE
(amused, but cautionary)
Hush up a little. They're in the
next room.

BONNIE
(a mock-pout, but
with an edge to it)
Shoot, there's always somebody in
this room, the next room and ever'
other kind of room.

CLYDE has his arm around BONNIE, and she's almost draped
across him--but in the direction of the length of the bed,
so their bodies almost form a crooked cross. She digs an
elbow into his stomach.

CLYDE
Oof!...now that ain't no nice way
to talk about my brother.

BONNIE
(imitating Blanche
again with baby talk)
I ain't talking about your brother.

Suddenly BONNIE straightens up to a kneeling position again,
and cocks her head. When she speaks now it is with a simple
plaintiveness.

48.


BONNIE
Honey, do you ever just want to be
alone with Me?
(sensing Clyde's
sensitivity to the
sexual implication)
I don't just mean like that...I
mean do you ever have the notion of
us bein' out together and alone,
like at some fancy ball, or, I
don't know, where we walk in all
dressed and they announce us and
it's fancy and in public, but we're
alone somehow. We're separate from
everybody else, and they know it.

CLYDE looks up to BONNIE, affectionately. He runs his hand
carelessly down her body.

CLYDE
I always feel like we're separate
from everybody else.

BONNIE
(it's terribly
important to her)
Do you, baby?

Suddenly there is a ring at the door. BONNIE and CLYDE
freeze.

INT. LIVING ROOM.

BONNIE and CLYDE run out into the living room, camera going
with them.

BONNIE
(to all)
Quiet! I'll get it.

BONNIE goes down the stairs and reaches the front door.

BONNIE
Who is it?

VOICE
Groceries, M'am.

EXT. GARAGE APARTMENT.

She opens the door. A young man is there with the two big
sacks of groceries.

49.


BONNIE
How much?

YOUNG MAN
Six dollars and forty-three cents.

BONNIE pays him and goes to take the bags from him.

YOUNG MAN
Here, M'am, them bags is heavy.
Let me carry 'em up for you.

BONNIE
(curtly)
No thanks, I'll take 'em.

She takes the heavy bags and hefts them up and turns and
walks up the stairs. They are obviously very heavy for her.
Closeup the delivery boy's face, looking puzzled at this
behavior. BONNIE reaches the top steps, and voices are heard.

BUCK'S VOICE
What was it?

CLYDE'S VOICE
Quiet. Open the door.

BONNIE
C'mon, c'mon...

Close-up. The DELIVERY BOY. A look of suspicion comes
across his face.
DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary Bonnie and Clyde share an intimate moment in the bedroom, where Bonnie does a mocking imitation of Blanche. They discuss wanting to be alone together before being interrupted by a delivery boy.
Strengths "The intimacy between Bonnie and Clyde creates a strong emotional connection between the characters. The dialogue is layered and provides insight into their thoughts and feelings. "
Weaknesses "The interruption of the delivery boy feels like a forced plot device and slows the pace of the scene. The potential conflict between Bonnie and the delivery boy is not fully realized."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 7

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene does well in building the relationship between Bonnie and Clyde and establishing their desires for intimacy and privacy, as well as setting up potential conflicts and danger with the arrival of the delivery boy. The use of mimicry and physical touch adds a sensual element to the scene and helps convey the characters' emotions. However, the dialogue could benefit from some tightening and more distinct characterization, particularly with the delivery boy's reactions. Additionally, there could be more visual cues to enhance the tension and impending danger of the situation. Overall, this is a solid scene with room for improvement.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions that could improve this scene:

- First, it's unclear what the purpose of the scene is, in terms of advancing the plot or the characters' development. Is it just a moment of intimacy between Bonnie and Clyde? Is there a reason they need to be alone in the bedroom for this conversation? Consider adding some context or significance to the scene.

- The dialogue between Bonnie and Clyde could use some work to make it more realistic and believable. It feels a bit too forced and scripted, especially Bonnie's lengthy monologue about wanting to be alone together. Try to make the dialogue flow more naturally and incorporate more genuine emotions and reactions.

- The description of Bonnie's actions and gestures could benefit from more specificity. For example, instead of "doing an unmerciful imitation" of Blanche, describe what specific mannerisms or vocal affectations she's mimicking. This will help the actors and director bring more nuance to the performance.

- The delivery boy's reaction to Bonnie's behavior could be heightened to create more tension and conflict. Perhaps he notices something suspicious or recognizes Bonnie and Clyde, or confronts them about the robbery they just committed. Adding more stakes to the scene will make it more engaging for the audience.

- Finally, consider whether this scene is necessary at all. It's possible that it could be cut or condensed without affecting the overall story. As a screenwriter, it's important to always be critical of your own work and make sure each scene is serving a clear purpose in the script.



Scene 17 - Gunfight and Escape
INT. GARAGE APARTMENT.

Close-up of BONNIE--seated in the living room.

BONNIE
(reading from a pad;
in a recital voice)
It's called "The Ballad of Suicide
Sal."
(she pauses for
effect; then begins:)
"We each of us have a good alibi
For being down here in the 'joint';
But few of them really are justified
If you get right down to the point.
You've heard of a woman's glory
Being spent on a downright cur'."

50.


BUCK'S VOICE (O.S.)
You write that all by yourself?

BONNIE
You want to hear this or not?

As she reads, the camera pans around the room picking out
everyone's reaction. CLYDE is looking and listening
seriously. BUCK is grinning. C.W. is blank. BLANCHE is in
the kitchen cooking.

BONNIE
"Still you can't always judge the
story
As true, being told by her.
Now 'Sal' was a gal of rare beauty,
Though her features were coarse and
tough--"

BUCK
Yeah, I knew her. She was cockeyed
and had a hare-lip and no teeth!

BONNIE flashes him a look that could kill. He shuts up fast.
She continues:

BONNIE
"Now 'Sal' was a gal of rare
beauty,
Though her features were coarse and
tough;
She never once faltered from duty
To play on the 'up and up'."

Still listening, CLYDE gets up from his chair and walks
slowly past the living room windows. The camera angled
slightly above him, sees down the street. We see two police
cars quietly pulling up. One of them parks sideways in the
driveway to block escape from the garage, the other stays on
the street. CLYDE turns and looks out the window.

BONNIE
(o.s. as we see out
the window)
"Sal told me this tale on the
evening
Before she was turned out free,
And I'll do my best to relate it
Just as she told it to me--"

CLYDE
(seeing it)
It's the law.

51.


As soon as CLYDE calls out, BLANCHE drops the frying pan on
the floor and begins screaming. Camera cuts back to the
living room. Everyone else leaps into action. Guns begin
blazing from everywhere; we rarely see who is shooting at
whom.

EXT. GARAGE APARTMENT. DAY.

The police, down the stairs into the garage--we follow them
with a hand-held camera tracking rapidly.

EXT. STREET. DAY.

BLANCHE, however, in utter panic, just runs right out the
front door, and begins running down the quiet residential
street, going nowhere, anywhere.

EXT. GARAGE APARTMENT. DAY.

BUCK, crouching, shooting with one hand, gets the garage
door open. A policeman fires. BUCK fires back and the cop
falls dead in the street. BUCK, firing, dashes to the
police car blocking their escape and releases the hand brake.
CLYDE, BONNIE and C.W. leap into their car, gun the motor,
still shooting madly. Two more police fall dead or wounded.
One policeman is hurled through a fence by the blast of a
sawed-off shotgun. BUCK jumps into the car with the others.
They now begin to bump the police car with their car. The
police car picks up speed as they push it and it tears into
the street right at the group of firing police. The gang's
car turns into the street toward the running BLANCHE.
BONNIE and CLYDE are in front; BUCK and C.W. in the back
seat firing back at police. The car pulls alongside the
wildly running BLANCHE; the back door is flung open and in
almost the style of a cartoon, two hands reach out and lift
her off her feet and pull her into the car. They speed away.

CUT TO:

INT. CAR. DAY.

The inside of the car, still speeding. BLANCHE is hysterical.
C.W. is still firing out the window. The pursuing police
car's driver is shot and the car crashes into a tree. The
gang is not being pursued now, but CLYDE is driving at 90.
BLANCHE is moaning and crying. BONNIE, in front, turns
around furiously.

BONNIE
Dammit, you almost got us killed!

52.


BLANCHE
(crying)
What did I do wrong? I s'pose
you'd be happier if I got shot.

BONNIE
(at her bitchiest)
Yeah, it would of saved us all a
lot of trouble.

BLANCHE
Buck, don't let that woman talk to
me like that!

BUCK
(caught in the middle
of a bad situation,
knowing Blanche is
wrong, but trying to
soothe her)
You shouldn't have done it, Blanche.
(quietly, cont.)
It was a dumb thing to do.

BLANCHE
(switching tactics)
Please, Buck, I didn't marry you to
see you shot up! Please, let's go!
Let's get out of here and leave.
Make him stop the car and let us out!

BUCK
(still quietly)
Can't. I killed a man. We're in
this now.

BLANCHE
(loud and shrill)
Please! Please!

BONNIE
(exploding)
Shut up! Just shut up your big
mouth! At least do that, will ya,
just shut up.

CLYDE
Cut it out, Bonnie.

BONNIE is affronted. BLANCHE continues sobbing.

BONNIE
(curtly)
Stop the car. I want to talk to you.

53.


Without a word, CLYDE stops the car.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary The Barrow gang is caught off guard by the arrival of the police as Bonnie is reading a poem. Guns blaze from everywhere, and they shoot their way out before getting into their car. They bump the police car with their car, push it into the street toward the firing police, and turn into the street toward the running Blanche. Buck and C.W. are firing back at police from the backseat as the car pulls alongside the running Blanche; they lift her off her feet and pull her into the car. They speed away with the police in pursuit. The police car's driver is shot, and the car crashes into a tree. The gang is not being pursued now, but Clyde is driving at 90. Blanche is hysterical. C.W. is still firing out the window.
Strengths "The strengths of the scene include the high stakes and tension that build throughout the action sequence. The scene is well-placed in the story and moves the plot forward in a significant way."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is mostly functional and lacks depth. Some of the character motivations and interrelationships could have been better developed."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene is well-written and constructed with tension from the beginning. The use of dialogue, camera angles, and action create a fast-paced and dramatic sequence, with a sense of danger and urgency. The dialogue is natural and character-driven, especially the interaction between Bonnie, Buck, and Blanche, which reveals their relationships and motivations. The use of the camera to show the police cars arriving adds to the intensity of the scene. However, some parts of the action are unclear, making it difficult to follow who is shooting at whom. Overall, the scene is effective in building momentum and capturing the chaotic nature of the situation.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

- Consider adding more description to the characters and their actions. What expressions are they making? What gestures are they using? Showing these details will make the scene more vivid and engaging to the audience.
- Instead of panning around the room to show everyone's reactions to Bonnie's reading, consider focusing on one or two characters at a time, depending on who is most important to the scene and what they are feeling at that moment.
- The shootout scene could benefit from clearer blocking and choreography. How are the characters positioned in the apartment, and where are the police coming from? How do the characters move and fire their guns? Fleshing out these details will make the action more coherent and exciting.
- Consider adding some more dialogue to the beginning of the scene to establish the characters and their relationships. For example, Buck could tease Bonnie about her writing before she starts reading.
- The scene could also benefit from clearer stakes and motivations. Why are the police after the gang, and what are the consequences of getting caught? What is everyone fighting for, and why do they care about Blanche's safety? Clarifying these elements will make the scene more emotionally resonant and engaging to the audience.
- Finally, consider tweaking the dialogue and character interactions to make them more dynamic and interesting. For example, Bonnie could have a more heated argument with Buck or Blanche, or the characters could express their emotions more vividly through their words and actions. These changes will make the scene more memorable and compelling.



Scene 18 - Argument and News
EXT. ROADSIDE. DAY.

BONNIE and CLYDE get out and walk fifteen feet away from the
car. Both are irritated and touchy. Camera follows them.

CLYDE
(coldly)
What is it?

BONNIE
Get rid of her.

CLYDE
Can't do that. She's Buck's wife.
BONNIE
(snapping her words)
Get rid of both of them then.

CLYDE
Why? What's the matter with you
anyway?

BONNIE
She's what's the matter with me, a
damn stupid back country hick
without a brain in her head.
(contemptuously)
She ain't nothin' but prunes and
proverbs.

CLYDE
(really pissed-off at Bonnie)
What makes you any better? What
makes you so damn special? You're
just a West Dallas waitress who
spent half your time pickin' up
truck drivers!

This hits home with BONNIE. He has said the unforgivable.

BONNIE
(raising her voice)
You talk to me like that! Big
Clyde Barrow, just the same as your
brother, an ignorant uneducated
hillbilly.
(with deadly archness)
Only special thing about you is
your peculiar ideas about
lovemakin'--which is no love makin'
at all.

54.


CLYDE stiffens. The two of them stand silent and tense,
almost quivering with anger. They have stripped each other
raw. CLYDE turns and looks back at the car. Everyone is
waiting, watching them. He breathes a deep sigh, like a man
counting to 10 to hold his temper.

CLYDE
Look, Bonnie--

He can't finish.
Close. BONNIE. She drops her head into her hand for a
moment, comes up a little more relaxed. She looks at CLYDE
and her eyes reflect the realization of the pain she has
inflicted on him. She softens.

BONNIE
Clyde...honey...I didn't mean all
that, honey. Blame it on all that
shootin', I just felt so bad...sure
enough...Clyde?

CLYDE
Okay...Okay, hon...let's get
movin'...

He turns and begins walking back to the car. BONNIE walks
alongside him. On the few steps back, she regains all her
dignity and acts aloof from the others waiting for her. She
reaches the car. CLYDE opens her door for her and she gets
in like a great lady. He walks around to his side, gets in,
and they drive off.

WIDE SHOT. EXT. CAR. DAY.

A very wide shot. We see CLYDE's car driving along a wooded
road. For a moment that is all we see, then we should
become aware that far in the distance another car is
following CLYDE's.

Close. Rural mail box. On the opposite side of the road,
CLYDE's car swings across the road and CLYDE, who is driving,
snatches a newspaper which protrudes from the box and hands
it into the car. They drive out of the shot. Camera holds
and soon the following car enters the shot. The man driving
is a Texas ranger. He drives slowly. He drives out of the
shot.

INT. CLYDE'S CAR.

BUCK is reading from the paper.

55.


BUCK
(jubilantly)
Hey, y'all, listen to this here:
Law enforcement officers throughout
the Southwest are frankly amazed at
the way in which will-of-the-wisp
bandit Clyde Barrow and his yellow-
haired companion, Bonnie Parker,
continue to elude their would-be
captors. Since engaging the police
in a gun battle on the streets of
Joplin Missouri and slaying three
of their number...

BLANCHE
Oh, Lord...

We notice CLYDE is wincing.

BUCK
...the Barrow gang has been reported
as far West as White City, New
Mexico, and as far north as Chicago.
They have been credited with
robbing the Mesquite Bank in the
aforementioned White City, the J.J.
Landry Oil Refinery in Arp, Texas,
the Sanger City National Bank in
Denton, Texas on three different
occasions. In addition to these
robberies, the fast travelling
Barrows have been rumored to have
had a hand in the robbing of two
Piggly Wiggly stores in Texas, and
one A&P store in Missouri, though
Chief Percy Hammond, who first
identified Clyde Barrow's brother,
Buck, as a member of the gang,
expressed some doubt that these
last robberies were committed by
the Barrow Gang alone.

BONNIE
Go on.

C.W.
(finally)
Clyde, we ain't goin' to see a
restroom for another thirty miles.
Why don't you just stop here?

CLYDE looks relieved.

56.


EXT. WOODED AREA. DAY.

He pulls the car to a stop, gets out and goes off into the
woods. We watch him vanish behind the trees.

INT. CAR.

BUCK still scanning the newspaper.

BUCK
(with a laugh)
Hey now, here's something! Listen
here: Lone Cop Arrests Two Officers
In Hunt For Barrow. Police Officer
Howard Anderson's heart turned
faster than his motorcycle when he
forced to the side of the road a
roaring black V-8 sedan in which
were three men and a blondheaded
woman yesterday afternoon.

Everybody laughs. As BUCK continues to read, his voice
remaining on the soundtrack.
Genres: ["crime","drama"]

Summary Bonnie and Clyde argue over Blanche's presence, which quickly escalates into a tense and hurtful exchange. They then discuss recent newspaper articles about their criminal activities as they drive through the woods. Clyde stops the car for a restroom break, and Buck reads a humorous article about a lone cop arresting two officers in the hunt for them.
Strengths "The scene effectively highlights the strained relationship between Bonnie and Clyde, and the constant danger they face as they continue their crime spree. The dialogue is sharp and tense, revealing the characters' motivations and emotions."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel slow compared to the action that precedes and follows it. The news articles segment may feel somewhat repetitive."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, the scene has strong character development and tension between Bonnie and Clyde. The dialogue feels raw and real, reflecting their frustrations and vulnerabilities. However, there are a few areas where the scene can be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext and nuance. While Bonnie and Clyde are clearly angry with each other, some of their lines feel too on-the-nose and could benefit from being more subtle. For example, when Bonnie says, "Get rid of her," instead of immediately responding with "Can't do that," Clyde could pause or show some hesitation before responding, hinting at underlying conflict.

Additionally, the scene could use more visual description, especially during the intense moment of their argument. While the camera follows them and they stand "silent and tense," more detail on how they physically react to each other and their surroundings could heighten the impact of their emotions.

Finally, the scene could benefit from a stronger sense of pacing and structure. The shift from their argument to Buck reading the newspaper feels sudden and disjointed. Finding a more natural transition between these two moments could make the scene feel more cohesive and impactful.

Overall, while the scene has strong character development and tension, refining the dialogue, visual description, and structure could make it even more effective.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could benefit from some tightening up in the dialogue to make it more impactful. Here are some specific suggestions:

- Consider cutting some of the unnecessary descriptions and stage directions, such as "Camera follows them" and "Camera holds." These are things that can be communicated through the actors' performances.
- Find ways to amp up the tension between Bonnie and Clyde earlier in the scene, so that her insult to him feels like the culmination of something that has been building. Right now, the escalation feels somewhat sudden.
- Consider trimming some of the back-and-forth dialogue between the characters to make it more punchy and memorable. For example, you might turn Bonnie's insult about Clyde's sexual prowess into a shorter, more pointed quip. Similarly, you could find a way to rephrase Buck's news reading so that it feels more immediate and impactful for the characters.
- Look for opportunities to show, rather than tell, the dynamics between the characters. For instance, you could cut back to Blanche's reaction shots more frequently to underscore her discomfort. Or, you could have Bonnie and Clyde engage in some physical action that conveys their agitation, like pacing or fidgeting with their hands.



Scene 19 - 
EXT. CAR.

The camera goes outside the car and pulls back, way back, to
reveal a police car quietly driving up behind the car. The
car stops a good distance away and one man gets out, the
only occupant of the car. He is tall, dressed in the
uniform of the Texas Ranger. He draws his gun and slowly
approaches the car from the rear. On the soundtrack BUCK's
voice continues; as we see all this taking place.

BUCK
When he saw several machine guns in
the car he was certain he'd caught
Clyde Barrow, Bonnie Parker, and
maybe Buck Barrow and the third
unidentified member of the gang.
It took a lot of telephoning and
explaining to convince the
motorcycle cop that his captives
were two highway patrolmen and a
blonde-haired stenographer from the
Highway Patrol--. Haw! Haw!
(everybody busts up
with laughter)


In the meantime, on screen, the lawman is slowly approaching
the back of the car. Suddenly, cut to shot of CLYDE coming
out of the woods, behind the lawman. His gun is tucked in
his pants. In a second, he sees what is happening.
57.


BUCK's voice is continuing:

BUCK
Anderson was held up as an example
for every other Texas peace officer
today. "That was a mighty brave
thing," explained Highway Patrol
Chief L.C. Winston.

CLYDE whips out his gun. The following scene is played
exactly like a classic fast-draw in an heroic Western.

CLYDE
Sheriff!

BRYCE spins around. Both men fire instanteously, but CLYDE
has the draw on him, and the aim. The gun goes flying from
the SHERIFF's hand. A really razzle-dazzle display of
grandstand marksmanship from Clyde.

Immediately the gang leaps from the car and surrounds the
man, guns drawn.

C.W.
Boy! What a shot, Clyde!

BUCK
Sweet Jesus, I never seen shootin'
like that!

The gang grabs the man and takes his handcuffs from his belt.
CLYDE makes him lean on the car's hood, arms extended, legs
spread, while he frisks him. In general, everyone is
excited over the capture. BONNIE takes the sheriff's gun
and delicately places it on the radiator grill like an
object d'art.

CLYDE
(examining the man's
wallet, really surprised)
Well, now, getta load of this. I
want y'all to know we are in the
custody of Cap'n Frank Bryce, and
Frank here is a Texas Ranger.

Rev. angle across hood--so BRYCE's face, not visible to
CLYDE or anyone else behind him, is in foreground. His
gnarled, powerful hands tremble slightly on the hood, as tho
they might crinkle the metal like so much tissue paper. His
eyes stare toward camera relentlessly, unblinking, but
without passion. They are shark's eyes. They have witnessed
much carnage, devoured it, and are still wide open for more.

58.


C.W.
Sure 'nough, Clyde?

BUCK
Say there, peacemaker. I believe
you got your spurs all tangled up.
You're in Missouri, you know that?

CLYDE has been going thru the man's credentials. Not so
pleasantly:

CLYDE
You didn't know you was in Missouri?

C.W.
He's lost, this here Texas Ranger.

CLYDE claps BRYCE's hands behind his back, handcuffs him,
spins him around.

CLYDE
(a little pissed)
--he ain't lost...them banks are
offerin' extra reward money fer us,
and Frank figured on easy pickin's,
didn't you?
(he suddenly knocks
Bryce's hat off)
Didn't you?

BRYCE flinches involuntarily. BUCK suddenly grows wary at
CLYDE's mood. CLYDE leans into BRYCE, looking up.

CLYDE
--Now you ain't hardly doin' your
job, Texas Ranger. You oughta be
home lookin' after the rights of
poor folks, not out chasin' after us.

He suddenly hefts BRYCE's huge bulk onto the fender.

BUCK
(trying to be casual)
Easy there, Clyde. Why take is so
personal.
CLYDE
(to Bryce)
Reg'lar laws is one thing. But
this here bounty hunting, we got to
discourage that.

BLANCHE looks very uncomfortable. She starts to say
something, but BUCK intervenes.

59.


BUCK
Like how, Clyde?--

A tense moment. CLYDE can't think of anything right away.

C.W.
(trying to be helpful)
Shoot him.

BONNIE shoots C.W. an angry glance--it's just what the gang
doesn't want.

C.W.
(trying again)
...hang him?...

Reaction--BONNIE carefully gauging the moment to intervene.

BONNIE
(suddenly)
--uh-uh. Take his picture.

CLYDE's not sure he's heard right. Neither is C.W.

C.W.
Take his picture?

BONNIE
(pointedly ignoring
C.W., brightly)
Then we'll let the newspapers have
it--so's everyone can see Captain
Frank Bryce of the Texas Rangers
with the Barrow gang--
(moving demurely to Bryce)
--and all bein' just as friendly as
pie.

BUCK
(grasping
possibilities immediately)
...yeah, yeah...

BONNIE
(continuing right on,
coyly picking up
Bryce's gun from grill)
--why we 'bout the friendliest
folks in the world. Texas Ranger
waves his big ol' gun at us, and we
just welcome him like he's one of
our own.

60.


CLYDE
(grinning widely)
Buck, get the Kodak!

BUCK
(relieved and excited)
Hot dog!

CLYDE
(to Bryce)
We're mighty proud to have a Texas
Ranger in the family.

BRYCE is obviously not pleased with this turn of events.
Following dialogue is overlapped, ad-libbed, etc. A sense
of mounting glee at the kind of vengeance they are going to
exact.

New angle. BUCK is fiddling with the camera, setting up the
shot with CLYDE. BUCK's following speech should be heard,
b.g., to CLYDE's speech below it.

BUCK
...keep him set on the hood,
there...more to the sun, like
that...yeah...when all his ranger
friends see this...I bet he's gonna
wish he was dead!

CLYDE
(to Bryce)
...see what come o' your
mischief?...not doin' your job?
Down in Duncanville last year poor
farmers kepts the laws away from us
with shot guns...you're s'posed to
be protectin' them from us, and
they're protectin' us from you.
(giggling)
--don't make sense, do it?

BUCK
C'mon, now, Clyde, you and Bonnie
first. Move into him, right close,
right friendly.

CLYDE
All righty
(to Bryce, whose
hands are tied,
hemmed in by them both)
Don't move, now, hear?

61.


CLYDE grandly puts an arm on BRYCE's shoulder, BONNIE,
looking up admiringly from the other side. BUCK takes the
picture. BONNIE immediately hops onto the hood, next to
BRYCE.

BONNIE
How's this? "Captain Bryce and new
found friend."

She coyly loosens his tie, tousles his hair, and plants a
big kiss on him while still ogling camera.

CLYDE
...yeah, yeah...quick, Buck, get
it...

BUCK
...I'm gettin' it, I'm gettin' it.

Quite suddenly BRYCE, whose simmering intensity we should be
more sensitive to than the gang is, spits on Bonnie. BONNIE
half-screams in disgust, but CLYDE is on top of BRYCE in a
flash, half-strangling on his own fury. He pulls BRYCE off
the fender by the handcuffs, spinning him around crazily
like a lasso. BRYCE is literally ricocheted off the car by
the force, and, with CLYDE hanging on by the cuffs, plummets
down the embankment to the sandy beach below, both men
falling, spinning. BRYCE rises shakily. He tries to walk
away. CLYDE grabs him again by the handcuffs and hurls him
out into the water. BRYCE smacks into a tree stump poking
out of the shallows and goes down. CLYDE is on top of him.
Meanwhile, BUCK has rushed down into the water, tries to
pull CLYDE off BRYCE.

BUCK
(frantic)
I got the picture. I got the
picture...

CLYDE
(oblivious)
Lemme be, lemme be...

BRYCE reaches the surface and CLYDE tries to throw him into
deeper water. He hitches BRYCE over a moldy skiff, knocking
aside one of the oars. BUCK upends BRYCE into the skiff and
kicks it spinning. CLYDE picks up an oar and hurls it like
a boomerang, ass over end at the skiff. It kicks up a spray.

BUCK
(holding tightly to
Clyde, yelling)
I got the PICTURE!

62.


Reaction. CLYDE waist deep, breathing heavily.

CLYDE
...All right, all right...
(to Bryce, yelling)
WE GOT YOU...HEAR?... REMEMBER...
YOU... YOUR FACE...WE GOT IT...WE
GOT YOU...WE GOT YOU...WE GOT YOU...

BRYCE, battered and handcuffed, stares back with mindless
malice from the lazily spinning skiff to the hysterical
spectre of CLYDE, screaming his madness across the water.

DISSOLVE:
Genres: null

Summary
Strengths null
Weaknesses null

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 0


Story Content

Concept: 0

Plot: 0

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 0

Character Changes: 0

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 0

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 0

Story Forward: 0

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 0

Dialogue: 0

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The visual descriptions are clear and effectively set up the tension of the moment. The use of Buck's voiceover adds an extra layer of storytelling and commentary to what is happening on screen.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved. The dialogue, while generally effective, could benefit from some trimming and tightening. Some lines feel repetitive and could be condensed or eliminated altogether. Additionally, some of the ad-libbed dialogue towards the end of the scene feels forced and less natural than the earlier exchanges.

Overall, this scene effectively builds suspense and sets up the conflict between the gang and their law enforcement counterparts. With a few minor adjustments to the dialogue, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions The scene feels a bit chaotic and disorganized, with too many characters and action happening all at once. To improve it, try simplifying and streamlining the sequence of events. One approach would be to focus on the tension between Clyde and Bryce, building up to the moment where Clyde snaps and attacks him. You could also play up the contrast between Bonnie's flirtatious behavior and the violent revenge enacted on Bryce. Finally, consider trimming some of the extraneous dialogue and action to make the scene more focused and impactful.



Scene 20 - Successful Bank Robbery
INT. BANK.

Inside the bank. In contrast to the previous inept bank
robbery scene, this one goes admirably well, the gang
performing slickly and without a hitch. As they enter,
dripping wet, CLYDE makes a general announcement to everyone
to the bank.

CLYDE
This is the Barrow gang.
(the people turn and freeze)
Everybody just take it easy and
nobody will get hurt.

CLYDE covers the door. BONNIE and BUCK go to the tellers'
cages and get money. BUCK goes inside, emptying out the
cash drawers. Cut to BONNIE filling the sack.

Cut to a close-up of a burglar alarm button. Slowly a hand
crawls up the wall and a finger slowly moves to push the
button. When the finger is about one inch away, suddenly a
gun appears in the frame and gently taps the hand away. The
camera pulls back to reveal BUCK smiling at a lady teller.

BUCK
Don't do nothin' silly now.

Cut to CLYDE standing near the door, training his guns on
the entire bank. A farmer stands a few feet away, some
bills clutched in his hand.

CLYDE
That your money or the bank's?

FARMER
Mine.

CLYDE
Keep it, then.

63.


Across the floor, the bank guard in the corner takes
advantage of CLYDE's distraction to go for his gun. CLYDE
spots it and fires a shot that just knocks the bank guard's
hat off without harming him.

CLYDE
(to the guard, who
has practically
frozen in fear)
Next time I'll aim a little lower.

They finish robbing the bank. They start to exit. Near the
door stands a guard with his hands raised. He wears sun
glasses of the period. As they leave BUCK snatches the sun
glasses from the guard's head.

BUCK
Get a good look at us! We're the
Barrow boys.
EXT. BANK. DAY.

The gang runs wildly into the street where the car waits,
motor running. As they leap into car, BUCK throws the sun
glasses into BLANCHE's lap.

BUCK
Happy birthday.

They zoom off. Shots are heard. BONNIE, BUCK and CLYDE
begin firing at the bank guards who are pursuing them. The
guards fire back.

Close-up. BLANCHE sitting in the back seat with her fingers
stuck tightly in her ears, eyes shut, trying to overcome her
panic. A funny image, but one that also awakens pity. The
next sequence is carried out in cross-cutting.

CUT TO:

The street in front of the bank. Police car pulls up and
the excited crowd gestures in the direction of the departed
gang. The siren starts.

CUT TO:

INT. GANG CAR. DAY.

The siren heard now in the far distance.

BUCK
(to C.W. at the wheel)
Kick it in the pants, C.W.

64.


CLYDE
We got to make that state line!

C.W.
(driving like a wild
man, but adlibing loudly)
Can't get more'n this out of a
Plymouth!

CUT TO:

INT. BANK.

The gang has left a legacy of celebrity behind. We see the
bank guard whose hat was shot off being interviewed by a
reporter. He is seated in a chair, his shirt open at the
collar and a woman teller is fanning him.

BANK GUARD
(enjoying the limelight)
Then he saw me goin' for my gun.
Clyde Barrow himself, I mean. And
suddenly I was starin' into the
face of death!

WOMAN TELLER
Tsk, tsk.

A photographer steps in.

PHOTOGRAPHER
Just look this way, Mr. Hawkins.

The bank guard hurriedly buttons up his collar and smiles as
the flashbulb goes off.

CUT TO:

EXT. GANG CAR.

Still speeding along, the siren more distant.

CUT TO:

INT. BANK.

The bank president and a policeman are posing for that
classic picture where both stand flanking a bullet hole in
the wall and point proudly at it. The flashbulb goes off.

CUT TO:

65.


INT. POLICE CAR.

Two men in police uniforms following BONNIE and CLYDE.

FIRST POLICEMAN
Step on it, Randolph. We gotta
catch 'em 'fore they reach the
state line!

CUT TO:
INT. BANK.

FARMER is describing BONNIE and CLYDE to passersby who dote
on him as though he'd just had contact with a portion of the
true cross. FARMER is aware of his position.

FARMER
Clyde?...he looked like, well he
looked real...clean...and Bonnie,
she's too much a lady ever to be
caught with a cigar in her mouth...I
don't care what you heard before.
I saw 'em right here, not twenty
minutes ago...
(gravely)
--and all's I can say is, they did
right by me, and I'm bringin' me a
mess of flowers to their funeral.

CUT TO:

INT. GANG'S CAR.

Car slows up perceptibly as CLYDE says:

CLYDE
Okay, relax. We're in Oklahoma now.
Slow down.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Action","Drama"]

Summary The Barrow gang performs a successful bank robbery, fends off pursuers, and makes their escape.
Strengths "Strong pacing and tension."
Weaknesses "Dialogue is not particularly memorable."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and moves the story forward effectively. There are a few things that could be improved, however.

First, the opening sentence could be more impactful. Rather than simply saying "Inside the bank," the writer could add some descriptive language to set the scene. For example, "The dimly lit interior of the bank is filled with nervous customers and employees."

Second, the action in the bank is described in a relatively flat manner. It would be more engaging to see the characters' personalities and emotions come through in their actions and dialogue. For example, showing the teller's fear or the farmer's hesitation to give up his money would add depth to the scene.

Third, the cross-cutting between different locations could be clearer. Adding subtitles or clearer transitions would help the audience keep track of the different events happening simultaneously.

Overall, this scene is functional but could benefit from more attention to detail and character development in the action.
Suggestions The scene has good tension and stakes, but here are some suggestions to make it stronger:

1. Work on character development: Instead of having the characters just perform the robbery, try to explore their personalities and motives. Why are they robbing the bank in the first place? What are their relationships like? Give them some memorable lines or actions to show their distinct personalities.

2. Consider adding obstacles or complications: The robbery goes too smoothly and there are no unexpected surprises that challenge the characters. Try to come up with obstacles or setbacks that the gang must overcome to make the scene more interesting.

3. Add a sense of danger: While there are some stakes as the gang is being pursued by police, their actions don't seem to carry real consequences. Consider making it clearer that they are in real danger if they are caught.

4. Use visual storytelling: Instead of just relying on dialogue to tell the story, use visual cues and actions to convey character emotions or plot points. For example, instead of having the farmer describe Bonnie and Clyde's appearance, show them in a memorable way that sticks in the audience's mind.

Overall, it's important to prioritize character development and obstacle creation to keep the audience engaged and invested in the story.



Scene 21 - Escape and Arguments
INT. POLICE CAR.

FIRST POLICEMAN
Turn around. Don't waste no more
gas.

SECOND POLICEMAN
(a young eager beaver type)
Ain't we gone to catch 'em?

66.


FIRST POLICEMAN
Hell, they're over the State line.
That's out of our jurisdiction.

SECOND POLICEMAN
Why don't we get 'em anyway?

FIRST POLICEMAN
I ain't gone to risk my life in
Oklahoma. That's their problem.

CUT TO:

EXT. CAR.

Now the gang's car is seen traveling down a long, narrow
country road surrounded by cornfields.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Crime","Drama"]

Summary The Barrow gang makes a daring escape from a police ambush, picks up Blanche, and continue their escape while arguing over her presence. They discuss recent newspaper articles about their criminal activities and make a pit stop where Buck reads a humorous article about a lone cop arresting two officers in the hunt for them.
Strengths "The intense action scene involving the escape from the police ambush creates high stakes and tension. The argument between Bonnie and Clyde adds relatable human conflict to the scene. The humorous article read by Buck provides a brief moment of levity."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more development of the characters and their relationships, aside from the conflict between Bonnie and Clyde over Blanche. The discussion about newspaper articles feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the scene."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I can assess this scene from a technical standpoint.

Overall, this short scene is relatively well-written. The dialogue is snappy and moves the scene along quickly. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, it's not entirely clear what's happening before the dialogue begins. Who is in the police car, and who are they chasing? Adding a line or two of action description to set up the scene would make things clearer.

Secondly, the characterizations of the two police officers could be stronger. Though they have distinct personalities, these are conveyed mainly through dialogue. Adding a few details of their physical appearance or actions would help flesh out their characters.

Finally, the transition to the next shot is jarring. The sudden jump to the gang's car without any transition or indication of the change in location is disorienting. A simple establishing shot of the cops driving away or cutting to a different angle of the same location before transitioning to the next shot would smooth out the jump.

Overall, this scene has potential but could benefit from a bit more attention to detail.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Establish the stakes. The scene doesn't give us a clear sense of what's at stake here. Are the police trying to catch a dangerous criminal? Are they trying to apprehend someone who's committed a minor offense? Adding some context will help us understand why the police are pursuing the gang in the first place, and why they may or may not be willing to go to great lengths to catch them.

2. Develop the characters. We don't know anything about the two policemen other than their basic motivations. Adding some backstory or personality traits to each character will make the scene more engaging and interesting to watch.

3. Heighten the tension. The scene feels a bit flat and anticlimactic. As the gang's car travels down the country road, consider adding obstacles or complications that make it more difficult for them to escape. Maybe the car breaks down or runs out of gas, or maybe they encounter a roadblock or other obstacle.

4. Use the setting to create atmosphere. The cornfields in the background of the shot could be used to create a sense of isolation and claustrophobia. Perhaps the gang feels trapped and vulnerable as they drive through the narrow road surrounded by tall cornstalks.

5. Tie the scene into the larger story. As scene 21 out of 44, this scene should feel like it's building towards something bigger. Consider how it fits into the overall narrative of the script, and how it sets up future conflicts and resolutions.



Scene 22 - The Argument and The Split
EXT. ROADSIDE BY WOODS. DAY.

They get out, taking the various bags of money with them,
and dump the lot on the hood. There is not an impressive
amount of money.

CLYDE
(disappointed)
Hell. That ain't much, is it?

BUCK
(commiseratingly)
Times is hard,

CLYDE
Well, let's get to it.

He begins dealing and splitting the money out on the hood of
the car, as they gather around.

CLYDE
This is Clyde Barrow.
(lays down a bill)
Buck Barrow...
(lays down a bill)
Bonnie Parker...C.W.
(goes back to the
first again and lays
out another round)
Clyde, Buck...Bonnie...C.W. Clyde,
Clyde again...Buck...Bonnie...C.W.

BUCK and BLANCHE stand watching. BLANCHE looks fretful.
She nudges BUCK and whispers to him.

67.


BUCK whispers something back to her. Meanwhile, CLYDE's
counting still goes on.
CLYDE
Bonnie...C.S....Clyde...

BUCK
(very ill at east in
this position he has
been forced into)
Um...eh...Clyde?

CLYDE
Hah?

BUCK is clearly embarrassed.

BUCK
Uh, Clyde...well...what about
Blanche?

Everyone reacts with stunned amazement at BLANCHE's nerve in
wanting to get her cut.

BONNIE
(incredulous)
WHAT?

BLANCHE sees she has to rise to her own defense, and she
rises to the occasion with spirit and verve.

BLANCHE
Well, why not? Say I earned my
share! Same as everybody. I
coulda got killed same as everybody,
and I'm wanted by the law same as
everybody. Besides I coulda got
snake bit sleepin' in them woods
every night!
(building it up)
I'm just a nervous wreck and that's
the truth. And I have to listen to
sass from Miss Bonnie Parker all
the time. I deserve mine!

Close. BUCK. Day--looking at CLYDE, his face full of weak
smiles and embarrassment at his wife.

CLYDE
(with a sigh)
Okay...okay...hold your horses,
Blanche. You'll get your share.

68.
BONNIE is livid but says nothing. CLYDE, the leader has
decided. C.W. looks indignant, like a hog who's just been
given a bath. CLYDE begins counting all over again in near
silence.

BUCK
Married a preacher's daughter and
she still thinks she's takin' the
collection.

Everyone now laughs, but BLANCHE. CLYDE continues counting.

BUCK
(to Blanche)
Well, don't spend it all in one
place now, hear?

BONNIE
She'll be doin' right well to spend
it at all.

BONNIE turns and ambles away from the car. After a moment
CLYDE stops counting and moves after her. He's prepared for
a fight, stands behind BONNIE's arched back trying to gauge
the degree of hostility there.

CLYDE
Bonnie?

No answer.

CLYDE
(a little defensive)
Look, Bonnie, I've said it and I
guess I'll keep sayin' it before
we're thru--Blanche is Buck's wife
and Buck is family.

He waits expectantly.

BONNIE
(finally, utterly
without malice)
--she's such a silly-Billy...

BONNIE looks plaintively to CLYDE.

BONNIE
My family could use some of that
money.
69.


CLYDE
Them laws have been hangin' round
your mamas house 'til all hours,
Bonnie. It's just too risky to go
there.

BONNIE
(exploding)
Well, where can we go? We rob the
damn banks, what else do we do?

CLYDE cannot really answer. Suddenly C.W. starts yelling:

C.W.
CLYDE! CLYDE! CLYDE!

CLYDE flinches at the sound. C.W. comes bounding over, as
rude an assault on their sensibilities as he can be.

CLYDE
(wincing as they are
nose to nose)
I hear you, C.W.

C.W.
This ol' heap's gushin' oil! We
got to swipe us another set of
wheels right away, or we won't get
anywhere. Look here.

He reaches down under the pan of the car and scoops a gooey
handful of slick black oil which he holds before their faces.

C.W.
See?

CLYDE nods slowly. He looks back to BONNIE. He sees.

DISSOLVE:
Genres: ["crime","drama"]

Summary The Barrow gang performs a successful bank robbery and splits their loot. Blanche argues for her cut. Bonnie is livid, but Clyde ultimately decides to give Blanche her share. The group discusses their next steps and C.W. alerts them to the car's oil leak.
Strengths "Tense argument leading to a decision that affects the group's dynamics and safety, reveals key character traits"
Weaknesses "Some dialogue is a bit on the nose and exposition-heavy"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique The scene opens with the gang counting their money on the hood of a car, and the dialogue feels natural and realistic, conveying their disappointment at the paltry amount they've collected. The tension between Buck and Blanche is hinted at when she nudges and whispers to him, and his embarrassment is palpable.

However, the scene loses momentum when Blanche demands her share of the money. While her argument is compelling, the back-and-forth that ensues feels like it drags on too long and becomes repetitive. The scene's energy drops as a result.

The dialogue between Bonnie and Clyde is more successful, as Bonnie's frustration with their situation and need for money is evident. The conflict is clear, but it's not entirely clear what their next move will be, leaving the audience unsure of what to expect.

The arrival of C.W. injects some much-needed urgency and action into the scene, building towards the need for a new car and setting up the gang's next move. The scene ends on a strong note with the slick black oil, creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for what's to come.

Overall, the scene could benefit from some tightening in the middle, but the beginning and end are well-executed and effectively convey the tension, frustration, and uncertainty of the gang's situation.
Suggestions



Scene 23 - The Chase
EXT. SUBURBAN STREET.

A residential neighborhood on a suburban street. A rather
well-to-do neighborhood. The camera is up on a porch of a
white frame house, looking toward the street. On the porch,
sitting in the swing in the left f.g. are a MAN and a WOMAN.
She is about twenty-nine, he is about thirty-six. He is
sitting with his back to us, embracing the WOMAN. They are
spooning, making low, loving murmurs.

WOMAN
Oh, now...now, dear...

70.


MAN
Mmmm...sweet thing...

We see in the distance two cars parked in front of the house.
His and hers. Suddenly we see another car drive up (BONNIE
and CLYDE) and somebody gets out. Then the whole gang gets
out, ditches the one car and gets in one of the parked cars.
All the while the couple on the porch is busy spooning. The
car begins to roll slowly into the street. The WOMAN notices.

WOMAN
Say, isn't that your car, Eugene?

MAN
(still nuzzling her)
Mmmmmm...huh?
(he looks, leaps from
the swing)
That's my car! Hey!

The MAN and WOMAN run down the front steps and front walk to
the second car. They jump in and take off, giving chase.

INT. CAR. DAY.

The WOMAN is driving (it's her car). The MAN is furious.

EUGENE
I'll tear 'em apart! Those punks!
Steal a man's car right out from
under him! Wait till I get my
hands on those kids, Velma, I'll
show 'em!

They continue driving, furious, the man cursing and muttering.
We see through their windshield the other car way in the
distance.

VELMA
What if they have guns, Eugene?

EUGENE
(realizing the
possibility, he
suddenly stops being
mad and turns chicken)
We'd better get the police and let
them handle this.

VELMA
Right.

71.


EUGENE
Turn around and let's get back to
town. We'll go get the sheriff.

They are by now on a narrow dirt road and the WOMAN has to
execute a U-turn. It takes her about seven cuts to turn the
car around in the narrow space. They start back to town.

CUT TO:

INT. BONNIE AND CLYDE'S CAR.

BUCK looks out the rear window.

BUCK
They stopped chasin' us. They
turned around.

Close-up. CLYDE grinning mischievously.

CLYDE
Let's take 'em.

BUCK and C.W. laugh appreciatively at the reversal. CLYDE
turns the car around. He performs the U-turn in the same
narrow space in one, swift, smooth, beautiful turn.

CUT TO:

INT. THE OTHER CAR.

VELMA looks in the rear view mirror and sees that now she is
being chased.

VELMA
Oh, my Lord, they're comin' after us.

EUGENE
(in a panic)
Step on it, Velma, step on it!
Close-up. Accelerator. VELMA jams it down to the floor.
The car speeds.

EXT. ROAD. THE CHASE. DAY.

BONNIE and CLYDE's car gaining on them, gaining on them,
gaining on them and finally overtaking them, coming up and
ahead, forcing them to the side of the road.

Med. shot. The MAN and WOMAN's car. Terrified, they roll
up their windows, lock their doors and huddle together.

72.


EXT. ROAD.

The Barrow gang piles out of their car and walks over,
having a merry time. They surround the car and press their
faces against the window, flattening their features, making
menacing gestures at the shaking pair inside. We see this
from the point of view of the MAN and WOMAN inside the car.
CLYDE pulls out a gun, makes as if to shoot, but he is
kidding. They all laugh uproariously, especially BUCK who
is delighted with CLYDE's prank. All of this we see in
pantomime from inside the trapped car.

EXT. CAR.

CLYDE
C'mon, get out! Get out of there,
I said.

They come out, hands held high, shaking with fear. They
have practically turned to jelly.

CLYDE
(ordering them into
the other car)
Get in here.
Genres: ["crime","comedy"]

Summary Buck reads a news article about the Barrow gang's wanted status and Clyde decides to give Blanche her cut of the loot. They make a pit stop where C.W. notices the car's oil leak.
Strengths "The comedic moments provide levity within a tense scene."
Weaknesses "The scene is lacking in character development."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene has a good setup and builds tension well, but there are some areas that could use improvement.

Firstly, the characters are not very well developed. We know their names and ages, but we don't know anything else about them. This makes it difficult to fully invest in their predicament and care about their safety.

Additionally, the dialogue feels stilted and unnatural at times. Some of the lines, such as "Mmmm...sweet thing..." and "Those punks! Steal a man's car right out from under him!" feel cliché and detract from the realism of the scene.

One strength of the scene is the use of visual storytelling. The action is communicated effectively through the characters' movements and the camera angles. However, there could be more attention paid to pacing and building suspense. The chase happens very quickly and doesn't give the audience much time to feel the gravity of the situation.

Overall, this scene could benefit from more fleshed-out characters and natural dialogue, as well as careful attention to pacing and suspense-building.
Suggestions - Consider adding more description to the characters to give them more depth and make them more relatable to the audience.
- Try to add more action to the scene. Perhaps have the couple on the porch witness the gang hiding the car first, or have them follow the gang in their car before being chased.
- Consider adding some dialogue for the gang members to give them more personality and make them more interesting to the audience.
- Think about adding some tension to the scene. Perhaps have the couple try to resist being taken by the gang instead of immediately surrendering.
- Consider making the U-turn scene more dynamic and intense. Perhaps have them almost hit something or have the Barrow gang approaching fast behind them.



Scene 24 - The Barrows Kidnap Company
INT. OTHER CAR. DAY.

They get in and the gang gets in. Seven people are now
jammed inside. CLYDE drives, BONNIE next to him, C.W. next
to her. In back, BLANCHE, then EUGENE with VELMA (of
necessity) sitting on his lap, and then BUCK. As will be
seen, the reason the Barrows have kidnapped the couple is
simply that they wanted company. Living as they do, seeing
only each other day after day, they long for diversion and
new faces. So the atmosphere in the car will shortly change
to one of friendliness and jollity, and it will get
progressively more so in the series of cuts which advance
the time. As the car starts up at the beginning, however,
the MAN and WOMAN are terrified.

BUCK
What's your name?

EUGENE
(hesitantly)
I'm Eugene Grizzard.

VELMA
I'm Velma Davis.

73.


BUCK
(just as friendly as
he can be)
Well, howdy! We're the Barrow gang.
That there is Clyde drivin' and I'm
Buck.

The MAN and WOMAN almost faint from fear; clutch at each
other. The gang all laugh at this. VELMA and EUGENE begin
to realize that they are not going to get hurt and that the
Barrows are friendly to them.

BONNIE
Look, don't be scared, folks. It
ain't like you was the law. You're
just folks like us.

EUGENE
(agreeing over-enthusiastically)
Yeah, yeah, that's the truth.

CLYDE
I expect you been readin' about us.

The MAN and the WOMAN answer simultaneously with what they
think is the right thing to say under the circumstances.

EUGENE
Yes.

VELMA
No.

They glare at each other.
EUGENE
(meaningfully)
Yes, Velma, we have too.

BONNIE
(laughing at the contretemps)
Well, you two must be in love, I bet.

EUGENE and VELMA blush, get shy for a second. BONNIE smiles.

BUCK
(gleefully, clapping
his hands)
Well, when you gonna marry the
girl, boy?

Everyone chuckles heartily.

CUT TO:

74.


INT. CAR. LATER.

--still driving, same positions, but some time has elapsed.
The atmosphere is now completely convivial and the captives
are enjoying their new friends. As the scene starts, BUCK
is finishing his joke.

BONNIE
So then she drinks her milk down
again, every drop. And she looks
over at her son and says, "Son,
whatever you do, don't sell that
cow!"

The couple laughs with great amusement, but everyone else in
the car doesn't laugh--this is the tenth time they've heard
the joke.

CUT TO:

INT. OF CAR.

--getting on toward evening. All are thoroughly relaxes and
chatting.

BONNIE
(to Velma)
How old are you, honey?
VELMA
Thirty-three.

A sudden look of surprise registers on EUGENE's face.
Genres: ["crime","drama"]

Summary The Barrow gang kidnaps a couple for company, who are initially terrified but eventually become friends with the gang. They joke around and share stories as they continue their escape.
Strengths "The scene shows a lighter and more human side to the Barrow gang, giving depth to their characters. The dialogue and jokes are well-written, adding humor to the storyline."
Weaknesses "The scene may slow down the pace of the story and may not add much to the overall plot. The stakes are also low, reducing the tension in the scene."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 2

Story Forward: 5

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of establishing the tone and relationship dynamic between the gang and the couple they have kidnapped. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the stage direction that simply states "the atmosphere in the car will shortly change to one of friendliness and jollity" is a missed opportunity to show the character's actions that lead to this change. Instead, the description just tells the reader what will happen, rather than showing how it happens.

Additionally, there are several instances of characters speaking over each other or simultaneously, which can be confusing for both the actors and the audience. Rewording these lines to give each character a clear moment to speak would help with clarity and improve the flow of the scene.

Lastly, the joke sequence at the end of the scene seems to go on for too long, and the repetition of the same joke detracts from the overall realism and believability of the situation. It might be more effective to instead focus on smaller moments of interaction between the characters that show their growing camaraderie.

Overall, this scene has potential, but could benefit from some reworking to improve its pacing and clarity.
Suggestions My suggestion would be to add more tension and conflict in the scene to make it more engaging. Perhaps, have the man and woman attempt to escape or resist the gang at first, forcing the gang to use their charm and wit to convince them to stay. This would add a layer of excitement to the scene and heighten the contrast between the initial fear and the eventual conviviality.

Another suggestion would be to add more character development to the gang, especially Clyde and Bonnie, to show their motivations and personalities. This would make the audience more invested in their actions and create a more well-rounded story. Additionally, giving the captives more agency in the scene would make them more than just passive observers, which would make the scene more interesting.

Finally, adding another layer of conflict or tension, such as an external threat or a time constraint, could increase the stakes of the scene and add more drama. Overall, by adding more tension, character development, and conflict, this scene could become a more engaging and memorable part of the movie.



Scene 25 - The Party in the Car
INT. OF CAR. NIGHT.

It is now night. Everyone inside the car is eating.
Apparently they stopped somewhere along the way for food.
In the crowded interior, it is like a party--food is being
passed back and forth, laughter and gaiety, increasing
warmth between the couple and the Barrows. The car has
become a little society on wheels, dashing through the black
night down the highway. Inside there is a small world of
happiness and fun.

BUCK is unpacking the food and passing sandwiches and drinks
around the car.

VELMA
Now I ordered some French fries,
didn't I?

75.


BUCK
(passing her some)
Yeah, here you go.

CLYDE
Take it easy on those French fries,
Velma. Ain't that right, Eugene?

EUGENE
(studying his hamburger)
This isn't mine. I ordered mine
well done. Who's got the other
hamburger?

Close-up. C.W. who has already taken a bite of the other one.

C.W.
Oh, is this supposed to be yours?

He extends the bitten burger out to EUGENE.

Full shot.

EUGENE
That's okay, forget it.
CLYDE laughs at this.

BUCK
(chewing)
Haw! I sure am havin' a good time!
How 'bout you folks? Ain't you
glad we picked you up?

CLYDE
(laughing)
Hey, maybe y'all ought to join up
with us.

That idea strikes everyone as being very amusing.

EUGENE
(laughing)
Ha! Wouldn't they be surprised
back home to hear that?

VELMA
Yeah. What would Martha and Bill
say if they heard that?
(she roars with laughter)
(MORE)

76.


VELMA (CONT'D)


EUGENE
Lordy! They'd throw a fit!
(roars with laughter)


BONNIE
(laughing)
What do you do, anyway?

EUGENE
(as his laugh begins
to fade)
I'm an undertaker.

Suddenly everyone freezes. A shudder, as if the cold hand
of death had suddenly touched the occupants of the car. The
atmosphere changes to cold, deadly, fearful silence in
exactly one second. It is a premonition of death for the
Barrows, and they react accordingly, BONNIE especially.
Close-up. BONNIE.

BONNIE
(tautly, in a flat voice)
Get them out of here.

EXT. ROAD. NIGHT.

The car brakes to a sudden stop. The rear down is opened,
the MAN and WOMAN flung out into the darkness. The car
drives off into the lonely night.

From this point on, the audience should realize that death
is inevitable for the Barrow gang, that it follows them
always, that it waits anywhere. It is no longer a question
of whether death will come, but when it will.

EXT. WOODS. MORNING.

Moving with CLYDE he tears through the brush, snagging his
clothes, calling BONNIE's name. CLYDE's search is so
desperate here that for a moment we might think he is
fleeing from something rather than looking for something.

In a moment he emerges onto the road. The car, with C.W.
driving, and BUCK and BLANCHE beside him, is patrolling
slowly up ahead of him.

CLYDE spots it and runs toward it. Hold on this angle until
he catches up with it and leaps onto the running board.

77.


Moving shot. Car. Morning. CLYDE, now on the running
board, his head poked into the car, his face apple red and
sweating.

CLYDE
(breathing heavily)
...see anythin', Buck?

BUCK is shocked at his brother's desperation, but makes no
overt comment on it.

BUCK
--not yet, boy.

CLYDE
(with an edge of
paranoia, as if the
three of them might
be withholding
something from him)
--and nobody saw her leave, or
heard anythin'
(almost a threat)
...C.W....?
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary The Barrow gang and their hostages have a jovial party in the car, but the mood changes when they learn that one of the hostages is an undertaker. They abruptly kick the hostages out and it becomes clear that the gang is followed by death everywhere they go.
Strengths "The scene does an excellent job of creating a pervasive sense of fear and tension. The contrast between the initial festive mood and the sudden turn to despair makes the situation all the more tragic."
Weaknesses "There is not much focus on character development or relationships in this scene apart from the fleeting moments of camaraderie in the car."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

Story Forward: 9

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0