Fear and loathing in Las Vegas

Genres: Comedy, Drama, Road, Movie, Crime, Adventure, Sports, Psychological, Dark

Overview Great and Loathing in Las Vegas follows the drug-fueled journey of journalist Raoul Duke and his attorney Dr. Gonzo as they embark on a chaotic trip to Las Vegas. The story begins with their reckless and drug-induced behavior while driving, and evolves as they encounter bizarre and dangerous situations. Along the way, they indulge in drugs, experience paranoid hallucinations, challenge social norms, and confront their own disillusionment and destructiveness. The story culminates in a frenzied and surreal climax, leading Duke to reflect on his addiction and the futility of his search for truth and excitement through drugs.

Theme The central themes of the screenplay include drug use and addiction, paranoia and surrealism, destruction of social norms, escapism and disillusionment, and counterculture and anti-establishment sentiments.

Characters The main characters are Raoul Duke, a drug-addled journalist with a reckless and impulsive nature, and Dr. Gonzo, Duke's erratic attorney and drug-fueled partner. They both embody the themes of drug use, rebellion against societal norms, and a disillusionment with mainstream society.

Conflict The main conflict revolves around the characters' drug addiction and their destructive behavior, which leads them into dangerous and chaotic situations. As the story progresses, the conflict evolves to include internal struggles with paranoia and hallucinations, as well as the characters' moral compasses and their impact on their relationship.

Story Telling The screenplay utilizes vivid and surreal descriptions, fast-paced dialogue, and a stream-of-consciousness narrative style to convey the disorienting effects of drugs and the characters' heightened emotional states. It also incorporates humor and satire to explore serious themes in an unconventional manner.

Tone and Style The overall tone and style of the script is darkly humorous, satirical, and surreal. It juxtaposes moments of intense paranoia and violence with moments of absurdity and wit. The script uses vivid imagery, irreverent dialogue, and unconventional storytelling techniques to immerse the audience in the characters' drug-fueled world.

Setting The story is predominantly set in Las Vegas, with the city serving as a backdrop for the characters' drug-induced antics and their encounters with various odd and eccentric individuals. The setting plays a crucial role in reflecting the excess and chaos of the characters' lives and in highlighting the contrast between the glitzy facade of the city and the characters' inner emotional turmoil.

Audience Great and Loathing in Las Vegas appeals to a mature audience that appreciates dark humor, subversive storytelling, and thought-provoking explorations of drug culture, counterculture movements, and disillusionment with mainstream society.



Note: The ratings are the averages over each scene.
The Percentile is against the screenplays in our library.
Title
Grade
Percentile
Overall8.0  22
Concept 7.6  33
Plot 7.6  21
Characters 8.1  45
Dialogue 8.0 78
Emotional Impact 6.3 14
Conflict Level 7.3 37
At least one Character Changes in the scene 4.9 11
Story Moves Forward 7.3 25
High Stakes 6.4 21
Internal Goal Score 7.9 15
External Goal Score 7.9 54
Originality Score 7.3 87
Engagement Score 8.7 64
Pacing Score 8.5 77
Formatting Score 8.9 18
Structure Score 8.3 41



Genres: Comedy, Drama, Road, Movie, Crime, Adventure, Sports, Psychological, Dark



Summary Drug-addled journalist Raoul Duke and his unpredictable attorney Dr. Gonzo embark on a wild trip to Las Vegas, loaded up with a copious amount of drugs. Along the way, they encounter strange visions and bat-like creatures, all the while struggling to keep their grip on reality. They pick up a hitchhiker and scare him with their hyper-normal behavior, then receive a call from headquarters sending them to Las Vegas to make contact with a Portuguese photographer. They prepare for their trip, indulging in drugs and scaring another hitchhiker with their erratic behavior. In Las Vegas, they check into the Mint Hotel and receive an envelope informing them of a meeting with the photographer. As their drug-induced paranoia worsens, Duke sees hallucinations of reptiles in a bar and struggles to keep his grip on reality. They attend the Mint 400 race, encountering strange characters and events while getting caught up in the madness. They visit the Bazooko Circus, where they experience surreal and chaotic encounters and struggle to leave. Back in their hotel suite, their paranoia escalates, leading to accusations of theft and threats of violence. Duke tries to leave the hotel but is stopped by a clerk who hands him a telegram. He escapes a highway patrol car, swaps cars, and arrives at the Flamingo Hotel to represent the Drug Culture at a conference. In their hotel room, they encounter a naked and high Gonzo with a teenage girl named Lucy. They discuss plans for the girl and eventually make a reservation for her at another hotel, hoping her memory will be wiped clean due to her drug use. They attend a National DA's Convention on drugs and narcotics, surrounded by policemen. They create wild stories about Satan worshippers and confront the consequences of their actions. They take more drugs and indulge in disturbing hallucinations. Duke wakes up in a trashed hotel room, uncertain of how much time has passed and confronts a maid who may have evidence against them. They cause chaos in a supermarket parking lot, terrorize others, and consume a dangerous new drug. Duke reflects on their excessiveness and the downfall of the 60s acid culture. Their rampage continues with a destructive outburst at a hardware store before Duke drops off Gonzo at the airport and barricades himself in a hotel room, reflecting on their wild behavior. Their drug-induced rampage reaches its peak with chaos and terrorization before Duke briefly experiences shame and continues his wild behavior, racing off on the highway.


Screenplay Story Analysis

Story Critique The plot/story of the screenplay is engaging and keeps the audience's attention with its surreal and drug-fueled journey. The theme of paranoia and the characters' addiction are effectively portrayed throughout the story. The introduction scenes set a darkly humorous tone that carries on throughout the rest of the screenplay. However, some elements of the story can feel disjointed and lacking in cohesion, particularly in the middle section. Additionally, the character arcs could be further developed to provide deeper emotional engagement for the audience.

Suggestions: To improve the plot/story of the screenplay, it is recommended to focus on strengthening the middle section to ensure a smooth progression of events. This can be achieved by further developing the character interactions and their personal struggles. Additionally, exploring the inner motivations and desires of the main characters can provide a more emotional and relatable experience for the audience. It may also be beneficial to streamline and clarify some of the plot points to avoid confusion. Finally, considering a more satisfying resolution for the character arcs can enhance the overall impact of the story.

Note: This is the overall critique. For scene by scene critique click here



Summary of Scene Level Analysis

Scene Strengths
  • Strong visual storytelling, captivating and humorous narration, well-defined protagonist and companion characters
  • Well-established surreal tone, memorable dialogue, and strong characterization
  • Vivid and memorable imagery, strong character dynamics, effective use of tone and setting
  • Humorous dialogue and witty character portrayals
  • Dark humor with the use of tense and unpredictable tones
Scene Weaknesses
  • Possible offensive content, lack of clear plot progression
  • Lack of significant plot movement and conflict
  • The scene lacks significant plot development and emotional impact, making it a minor subplot in the overall story
  • Some may find the violence and drug use to be gratuitous or off-putting
  • Limited character development
Suggestions
  • To improve the plot progression, the screenwriter may consider adding more significant moments for the characters that would lead to clear consequences
  • There could be more character developments in the minor subplots to make it more emotionally engaging to the audience
  • To address the issue of offensive content, the screenwriter may consider a more nuanced approach to these topics
  • To improve the screenplay, there could be a clearer sense of direction that ties the character's actions and decisions into the overall story
  • There could be further development in the supporting and minor characters to strengthen their impact on the story

Note: This is the synthesis. See scene by scene analysis here


How scenes compare to the Scripts in our Library

Note: The ratings are the averages of all the scenes.
Title
Grade
Percentile Before After
Originality 7.30  86 Shaun of the Dead: 7.20 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 7.30
Pacing 8.54  76 Stranger things: 8.50 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 8.54
Dialogue 8.0  72 Silence of the lambs: 7.9 Inception: 8.0
Engagement 8.68  62 LA confidential - draft: 8.67 Pinocchio: 8.68
External Goal 7.86  53 Catch me if you can: 7.75 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 7.86
Characters 8.1  40 Narcos: 8.0 Everything everywhere all at once: 8.1
Structure 8.27  40 Birdman: 8.26 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 8.27
Conflict Level 7.3  36 The whale: 7.2 heathers : 7.3
Concept 7.6  28 Birdman: 7.5 face/off: 7.6
Story Forward 7.3  22 The whale: 7.2 Manhattan murder mystery: 7.3
High Stakes 6.4  20 Amadeus: 6.3 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 6.4
Overall 8.0  19 Requiem for a dream: 7.9 legally blonde: 8.0
Plot 7.6  19 What we do in the shadows: 7.5 Erin Brokovich: 7.6
Formatting 8.86  17 Narcos: 8.85 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 8.86
Emotional Impact 6.3  12 Mind Hunter: 6.2 Rear Window: 6.3
Internal Goal 7.86  12 Narcos: 7.85 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 7.86
Character Changes 4.9  10 Manhattan murder mystery: 4.8 Fear and loathing in Las Vegas: 4.9



See the full analysis by clicking the title.

1 Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Opening Scene dark, humorous, surreal 8 9 86 7 487637876 689109
2 The Hitchhiker Drug-induced, Maniacal, Hyper-normal 9 8 89 9 5896867106 899109
3 Scaring the Hitchhiker Absurd, Intense, Unpredictable 8 7 87 8 497986897 98798
4 The Call to Adventure sarcastic, drugged, paranoid 8 7 76 8 498664875 99898
5 Pre-Trip Preparations surreal, humorous, dark 8 8 76 9 489584785 99989
6 High on the Road to Vegas Humorous, Satirical, Menacing 8 7 88 8 787978886 9910109
7 Arrival at the Mint Hotel Frantic, Surreal, Drug-induced 8 8 79 8 6897777106 999108
8 Reptiles in Clothes Surreal, Erratic, Tense 9 8 98 8 6897968107 8910109
9 Preparing for the Race Paranoia, Hallucinatory, Tense 8 7 88 8 689877777 79878
10 Race Day Bar Crawl Paranoid, Hallucinatory, Intoxicated 6 5 64 7 358463554 66897
11 The Mint 400 Race and Madness Excitement, Humorous, Chaotic, Paranoid 8 7 78 8 378555674 798109
12 The Desert Races Paranoid, Absurd, Playful 7 7 69 7 387584494 69998
13 Parking Lot Bribes and Scintillating Entertainers Whimsical, Sarcastic, Satirical, Hysterical 6 7 66 6 358464675 79887
14 Into the Bazooko Circus Surreal, Humorous, Satirical 8 9 79 7 3885646106 69988
15 The Bazooko Circus Surreal, Chaotic, Erratic, Disturbing 9 8 89 9 698786797 88998
16 Hotel Room Paranoia Chaotic, Surreal, Erratic 7 8 78 8 5798877106 79988
17 Drug-Induced Paranoia Paranoia, Surreal, Erratic 8 7 78 8 797989777 99898
18 Ether-Induced Paranoia Paranoid, Chaotic, Trippy 8 8 89 9 789999798 79998
19 Drug-Induced Paranoia Paranoia, Fear, Confusion 8 6 79 8 796979888 710998
20 Panic in Las Vegas Paranoia, Anxiety, Humorous 9 8 84 9 6871069867 98889
21 A Run-In at the Hotel paranoid, resigned, sarcastic 8 8 76 9 488877676 99887
22 High Speed Chase Paranoia, Humor, Rebellion 9 8 98 9 489695875 989109
23 Escape from Baker Paranoia, Anger, Relief 9 8 99 9 689887877 910989
24 Check-In Chaos paranoid, humorous, sardonic 8 7 84 9 289573654 97998
25 Meeting Lucy Whimsical, Irreverent, Cynical, Sardonic 7 7 68 8 487795686 999109
26 Lucy's Fate Dark, Humorous, Dramatic 9 8 96 10 589887887 999108
27 The Aftermath of Drugs and Debauchery in Las Vegas Dark, Humorous, Satirical 7 8 74 0 667756767 78798
28 National DA's Convention 1971 Sarcastic, Cynical, Ironic 8 7 88 9 498685786 89778
29 Drug Fueled Paranoia Dark, Cynical, Paranoid 9 8 85 9 467787788 108899
30 Hotel Flamingo Suite Hilarious, Suspenseful, Eerie 8 8 89 7 686977876 989109
31 Adrenochrome Trip Dark, Absurd, Druggy 8 8 86 7 687979878 989109
32 Waking Up in a Trashed Hotel Room and Confronting a Maid dark, humorous 8 7 89 7 597796777 89898
33 Shopping Spree Goes Wrong Hilarious, Chaotic, Cynical 8 7 67 8 2881075774 79898
34 Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: Drug-induced madness Manic, Disturbed, Violent, Drug-induced 8 8 88 7 689988997 710998
35 Violent Outburst at the North Star Coffee Lounge Tense, Disturbing, Darkly Humorous 8 9 89 8 7861081091010 79857
36 Lost on the Road to Oblivion Chaotic, Mysterious, Dark 8 8 87 9 68987710107 89988
37 The Fall of Excess Chaotic, Reckless, Satirical 8 9 87 7 687958977 98899


Scene 1 - Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas - Opening Scene
FEAR & LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS

by

Terry Gilliam & Toy Grisoni




BLACK SCREEN

A desert wind moans sadly. From somewhere within the wind
comes the tinkly, syrupy-sweet sounds of the Lennon Sisters
singing "My Favorite Things." A series of sepia images of
anti-war protests from the mid-sixties appear one after
another on the screen.

In the violently scrawled style of Ralph Steadman, the title
FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS splashes onto the screen. A
beat, and then it runs down and off revealing:

TITLE: "He who makes a beast of himself
Gets rid of the pain
Of being a man."
Dr. Johnson

The VOICE OF HUNTER S. THOMPSON -- a.k.a. RAOUL DUKE:

DUKE (V/O)
We were somewhere around Barstow on
the edge of the desert when the
drugs began to take hold.

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

A red Chevy convertible -- THE RED SHARK -- wipes the black
screen.

EXT. ON THE ROAD TO LAS VEGAS - DAY

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

THE RED SHARK races down the desert highway at a hundred
miles an hour. THE STONES' "Sympathy For the Devil" blares.

AT THE WHEEL

STRANGELY STILL AND TENSE, RAOUL DUKE DRIVES -- SKELETAL,
BEER IN HAND -- STARES STRAIGHT AHEAD.

BESIDE HIM, FACE TURNED TO THE SUN, EYES CLOSED BEHIND
WRAPAROUND SPANISH SUNGLASSES, IS HIS SWARTHY AND UNNERVINGLY
UNPREDICTABLE ATTORNEY, DR. GONZO.

The music pounds DUKE stares straight ahead. GONZO froths
up a can of beer - uses it as shaving foam.

DUKE (V/O)
I remember saying something like:
"I feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe
you should drive..."

GONZO starts shaving.

2.


DUKE (V/O)
Suddenly there was a terrible roar
all around us and the sky was full
of what looked like huge bats, all
swooping and screeching and diving
around the car...

Close on DUKE -- shadows flutter across his face. The
reflections of bats swirl within his eyes. We push in close
to one eye ball -- SCREECHING SWIRLING BAT-LIKE SHAPES!

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

DUKE (V/O)
... and a voice was screaming: Holy
Jesus! What are these goddamn
animals?

CUT TO WIDE SHOT OF CAR -

DUKE, eyes rigid, flails at the air. No bats anywhere.
GONZO casually looks over...

GONZO
What are you yelling about?

DUCK SCREECHES to the side of the road. The sudden wrench
makes GONZO nick his face with his razor.

DUKE
Never mind. It's your turn to drive.

DUKE (V/O)
No point mentioning these bats. I
thought. The poor bastard will see
them soon enough.
DUKE hops out of the car, keeping an eye out for bats,
frantically opens the trunk to reveal what looks like A
MOBILE POLICE NARCOTICS LAB. DUKE desperately rifles
through the impressive stash.

DUKE (V/O)
We had two bags of grass, seventy-
five pellets of mescaline, five
sheets of high powered blotter
acid, a salt shaker half full of
cocaine, a whole galaxy of multi-
colored uppers, downers, screamers,
laughers... Also a quart of tequila,
a quart of rum, a case of beer, a
pint of raw ether and two dozen
amyls.

3.


DUKE, eyes darting madly as he hears what sounds like the
SHRIEKS OF BATS returning, grabs an assortment along with
another six-pack of beer - slams the trunk shut and dives
back into the car.

DUKE (V/O)
Not that we needed all that for the
trip, but once you get locked into
a serious drug collection, the
tendency is to push it as far as
you can.

THE RED SHARK RACES INTO THE DISTANCE... on the ground,
weakly flapping is a SEMI-SQUASHED, SLOWLY DYING ANIMAL... A
BAT?
Genres: ["comedy","drama"]

Summary Drug-addled journalist Raoul Duke and his unpredictable attorney Dr. Gonzo embark on a wild trip to Las Vegas, loaded up with a copious amount of drugs. Along the way, they encounter strange visions and bat-like creatures, all the while struggling to keep their grip on reality.
Strengths "Strong visual storytelling, captivating and humorous narration, well-defined protagonist and companion characters"
Weaknesses "Some viewers may find the drug use to be gratuitous or disturbing"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 8

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there have been countless depictions of drug use in film and television, the surreal and absurd imagery used to describe the effects of the drugs sets this screenplay apart. The characters and their actions also feel authentic and believable, which adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to escape the reality of his life and immerse himself in a world of drugs to avoid confronting his fears and anxieties.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to drive to Las Vegas and take as many drugs as possible without getting caught.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 3

The opposition in this scene is minimal, with the only obstacles being the occasional bat and the risk of getting caught with drugs. However, the lack of significant opposition is intentional, as the focus is on the protagonist's internal conflict.

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable because of the frequent surreal and absurd imagery used to describe the effects of the drugs. The audience is kept on their toes as they try to keep up with the heightened reality of the screenplay.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between living life for pleasure or confronting reality and responsibility. The protagonist is constantly weighing the benefits of escaping his mundane life through drugs vs. facing his personal issues head-on.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces the audience to the surreal and drug-fueled world of the protagonist. The contrast between the mundanity of everyday life and the wild excesses of the characters is both intriguing and captivating.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by keeping the audience engaged without feeling rushed. The scene has a steady rhythm that builds tension and anticipation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of the scene is impeccable, following industry standards for screenplays.

Structure: 9

The scene follows expected structures for its genre. The exposition is clear and concise, and the narrative progresses smoothly and seamlessly.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively sets up the tone and themes of the film. The use of the Lennon Sisters' song "My Favorite Things" over images of anti-war protests from the mid-sixties creates an interesting contrast that highlights the countercultural elements of the film. The introduction of the title in the style of Ralph Steadman also helps establish the film's visual style and aesthetic.

The use of voiceover from Hunter S. Thompson, as portrayed by Johnny Depp, also effectively sets up the film's plot and introduces the characters of Duke and Gonzo. The dialogue between them, particularly the exchange about the bats, showcases their drug-addled state and sets up the surreal and hallucinatory nature of the film.

However, there are a few moments where the writing becomes overly descriptive, such as when Duke frantically rifles through the drugs in the trunk. While this does provide some insight into the sheer amount and variety of drugs they have, it feels like excessive detail that could be better conveyed through visuals.

Overall, this scene effectively establishes the world and characters of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, setting up the film's themes and tone.
Suggestions Overall, this scene sets up the tone and style of the film well, but there are a few suggestions for improvement:

1. Consider adding some visual interest to the sepia images of anti-war protests. They could benefit from some movement or contrast to make them more engaging.

2. The sudden scream at the end of the black screen could be jarring for some audiences. Consider softening it or replacing it with a more subtle sound effect.

3. The introduction of the Red Shark could be emphasized more. Perhaps show it in a more dramatic reveal rather than just wiping the black screen.

4. The dialogue between Duke and Gonzo feels a bit exposition-heavy. Consider rephrasing or restructuring it to feel more natural.

5. The descriptions of Duke and Gonzo could use more vivid language to truly bring their odd appearances to life.

6. The part where Duke sees bats feels a bit disjointed from the rest of the scene. Consider integrating it more smoothly or cutting it altogether.

Overall, this scene sets up the wild and drug-fueled tone of the film well, but taking these suggestions into consideration could elevate it even further.



Scene 2 - The Hitchhiker
EXT. FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD TO LAS VEGAS - DAY

IN THE RED SHARK

GONZO grips the wheel - stares maniacally down the road - a
lousy driver.

DUKE (V/O)
The only thing that really worried
me was the ether. There is nothing
in the world more helpless and
irresponsible and depraved than a
man in the depths of an ether binge.
And I knew we'd get into that
rotten stuff pretty soon.
The radio news wars with "SYMPATHY FOR THE DEVIL" on a tape
recorder.

RADIO NEWS
An overdose of heroin was listed as
the official cause of death for
pretty 19 year old Diane Hanby
whose body was found stuffed in a
refrigerator last week...

GONZO changes the station - "ONE TOKE OVER THE LINE, SWEET
JESUS, ONE TOKE OVER THE LINE" vies with "SYMPATHY"... He
sings along - washes a couple of pills back with a new beer.
The RED SHARK fishtails.

GONZO
"One toke over the line, sweet
Jesus."

4.


DUKE
(muttering to himself)
One toke. You poor fool. Wait
till you see those goddamn bats.

UP AHEAD - AT THE SIDE OF THE DESERTED ROAD

A LONE HITCHHIKER spots them, jumps up and sticks out a
thumb. The RED SHARK roars past. Then, fifty yards down
the road...

GONZO
Let's give that boy a lift.

GONZO wrenches the wheel - THE RED SHARK swerves to the side
of the road.

DUKE
We can't stop here - this is bat
country!

GONZO JAMS THE CAR INTO REVERSE AND ROCKETS BACKWARDS. The
HITCHHIKER races to the car. A poor OKIE KID with a big grin.

HITCHHIKER
Hot damn! I never rode in a
convertible before!

Then the big grin freezes on the OKIE KID's face at the
sight of: DUKE and GONZO looking out at him with HYPER-
NORMAL, shit-eating SMILES.

DUKE
Is that right? Well, I guess
you're about ready, eh?

The HITCHHIKER hesitates.

GONZO
We're your friends. We're not like
the others.

DUKE
(hissing sharply)
No more of that talk or I'll put
the leeches on you.

DUKE turns back to the HITCHHIKER - smiles reassuringly.
Genres: ["Comedy","Road Movie"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo pick up a hitchhiker and scare him with their hyper-normal behavior.
Strengths "Establishing the surreal tone of the movie, memorable dialogue, strong characterization"
Weaknesses "May be off-putting to some viewers due to the characters' erratic behavior and drug use"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 9

The scene has a high level of originality due to the characters' unconventional and unpredictable behavior, as well as the unique setting and atmosphere of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to handle the intense effects of the ether he has taken while driving. This goal reflects his deeper fears and desires to maintain control and avoid danger.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in the scene is to give a lift to a hitchhiker they come across on the side of the road. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances of their journey and the unpredictability of the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters' reckless behavior and drug use creates a sense of tension and danger throughout the scene.

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 10

This scene is unpredictable because the characters' behavior and actions are erratic and unconventional, and the outcome of the situation is uncertain.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the reckless behavior of the characters and the societal norms of responsibility and safety. This conflict challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the consequences of their actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it is fast-paced and unpredictable, with unique and memorable characters and a tense atmosphere.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, which contributes to its effectiveness in creating a sense of danger and unpredictability.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action and dialogue, and a well-defined setting.


Critique Overall, this is a well-written scene that effectively sets up the tone and character dynamic of the story. The description of Gonzo gripping the wheel and staring maniacally down the road creates a sense of chaos and danger, and the radio news about a girl who died from a heroin overdose foreshadows the drug use that will be a recurring theme in the film. The contrasting songs on the radio ("Sympathy for the Devil" and "One Toke Over the Line") show the conflicting attitudes towards self-destruction and excess that the characters embody.

The introduction of the hitchhiker provides a chance for the characters to interact and show their personalities. Duke's muttering about the "goddamn bats" and Gonzo's hyper-normal smile establish their idiosyncrasies and unpredictable behavior. The dialogue between the hitchhiker and the characters is humorous and unsettling, with the hitchhiker's grin freezing at the sight of their expressions and Duke's threat to put leeches on him.

One minor suggestion would be to clarify the location and time period of the scene earlier on. At first, it's unclear where they are headed or what time period the story takes place in. Adding a brief establishing shot or description could help ground the audience in the setting.
Suggestions First, it's not clear who is speaking the narrative at the beginning. It should be established that it is Duke narrating. Also, there could be more character development for Gonzo. What kind of person is he? Why is he singing along to the song and popping pills? Adding a bit more exposition would help flesh out the character and make the scene more dynamic. Additionally, the transition from the news on the radio to Gonzo changing the station and singing to "One Toke Over the Line" feels abrupt. Perhaps there could be a more seamless way to transition between these elements. Finally, the dialogue between Duke and the hitchhiker feels a bit too cryptic and doesn't give the reader much indication of what's going on. A bit more clarity in the dialogue would help the scene make more sense.



Scene 3 - Scaring the Hitchhiker
EXT. EVEN FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD TO LAS VEGAS - DAY

The HITCHHIKER sits nervously in the back seat as the RED
SHARK screams down the road.

5.


GONZO sings along to the tape player.

The HITCHHIKER's eyes go to the door - considers jumping out
and taking his chances.

DUKE, sweating bullets, STARES AT THE HITCHHIKER in the rear
view mirror.

DUKE (V/O)
How long could we maintain, I
wondered. How long before one of
us starts raving and jabbering at
this boy? What will he think then?
This same lonely desert was the
last known home of the Manson family.

The HITCHHIKER's eyes notice a thin line of blood trickling
down GONZO's neck.

DUKE (V/O)
Would he make that grim connection
when my attorney starts screaming
about bats and huge manta rays
coming down on the car?
DUKE's mouth moves intermittently - sometimes in sync with
the words, sometimes not.

DUKE (V/O)
If so - well, we'll just have to
cut his head off and bury him
somewhere. Because it goes without
saying that we can't turn him loose.
He'd report us at once to some kind
of outback Nazi law enforcement
agency, and they'll run us down
like dogs...

DUKE
(out loud to himself)
Jesus! Did I say that?

DUKE (V/O)
Or just think it? Was I talking?
Did they hear me?

GONZO
(reassuringly to HITCHHIKER)
It's okay. He's admiring the shape
of your skull.

DUKE gives the HITCHHIKER a FINE BIG GRIN and the HITCHHIKER
giggles nervously.

6.


DUKE (V/O)
Maybe I better have a chat with
this boy I thought. Perhaps if I
explain things, he'll rest easy...

DUKE
(roaring over the
road noise)
THERE'S ONE THING YOU SHOULD
PROBABLY UNDERSTAND --

The HITCHHIKER stares at him, not blinking.

DUKE
(yells)
CAN YOU HEAR ME?

The HITCHHIKER nods -- giggles -- terrified. DUKE climbs
into the back seat.
DUKE
That's good. Because I want you to
have all the background. This is a
very ominous assignment -- with
overtones of extreme personal
danger. I'm a Doctor of Journalism!
This is important, goddamnit! This
is a true story!...
(WHACKS the BACK OF
THE DRIVER'S SEAT
with his fist)


The CAR SWERVES SICKENINGLY, then straightens out.

GONZO
(screams)
Keep your hands off my fucking neck!

The HITCHHIKER makes a sudden lunge for freedom. DUKE GRABS
HIM BACK DOWN.

DUKE (V/O)
Our vibrations were getting nasty --
but why? Was there no communication
in this car? Had we deteriorated
to the level of dumb beasts?

The HITCHHIKER STRUGGLES IN PANIC.

7.


DUKE
(to HITCHHIKER)
I want you to understand that this
man at the wheel is my attorney!
He's not just some dingbat I found
on the Strip. He's a foreigner. I
think he's probably Samoan. But it
doesn't matter, does it? Are you
prejudiced?

HITCHHIKER
Hell, no!

DUKE
I didn't think so. Because in
spite of his race, this man is
extremely valuable to me. Hell, I
forgot all about this beer. You
want one?
(HITCHHIKER shakes
his head)
How about some ether?

HITCHHIKER
What?

DUKE
Never mind. Let's get right to the
heart of this thing. Twenty-four
hours ago we were sitting in the
Pogo Lounge of the Beverly Wills
Hotel...
Genres: ["Comedy"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo scare the hitchhiker with their erratic behavior while driving to Las Vegas. Duke contemplates the possibility of killing the hitchhiker if he reports them to the authorities.
Strengths
  • Dark humor
  • Intense and unpredictable tone
Weaknesses
  • Possible offensive content
  • Lack of clear plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 7

The scene is fairly original, as it features unique situations and elements such as the presence of the hitchhiker and the fear surrounding the Manson family. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and reflect the heightened danger and chaos of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control over the situation and his own mind amidst the increasing chaos and danger.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to explain the severity of their situation to the hitchhiker and establish his authority as a doctor of journalism.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong due to the unpredictability and danger that is present throughout. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will ultimately play out.

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 9

The scene is unpredictable due to the sense of danger and chaos that is present throughout. The characters' actions and dialogue also contribute to this unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene relates to the protagonist's belief in the importance of his journalistic work and the potential consequences and danger that come with it.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging due to the sense of danger and unpredictability that is present throughout. The surreal dialogue and frenzied narrative style also contribute to the scene's overall engagement.

Pacing: 7

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense as the danger and chaos escalate, but there are a few moments where the pacing feels slightly off.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows expected formatting rules for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows an expected structure for its genre and effectively builds tension and suspense as the danger and chaos escalate.


Critique Overall, this scene appears to be well-written. The dialogue is natural, the action is clear, and the characters are developed enough to keep the audience engaged. The tension between the characters is palpable and the overall tone is appropriately dark and unsettling.

One small critique would be that the scene could benefit from some visual description. While the action and dialogue are clear, a few descriptive sentences could help to further establish the setting and mood. Additionally, there are a few moments where the character dialogue overlaps or is unclear. These moments could be clarified through a few slight adjustments to the script.

Overall, this is a well-crafted scene that effectively establishes the mood and tone of the larger story.
Suggestions Overall, the scene could benefit from more clarity and focus to enhance the tension and drama. These are some specific suggestions:

- Clarify the setting and the visuals. What type of road are they on? What does the landscape look like? Are there any other cars or people around? Adding some descriptive details can help create a stronger sense of place and atmosphere.

- Develop the characters further. While Duke and Gonzo are established as eccentric and dangerous, the hitchhiker remains a bit of a blank slate. Considering that he's the source of much of the tension, it's important to give him more distinct traits and behavior. For example, is he talkative or silent? Does he seem afraid or bravely trying to escape? Fleshing out his reactions would make the audience more invested in his fate.

- Clarify the dialogue. There are several instances where it's unclear who is speaking (such as "DUKE's mouth moves intermittently" and "DUKE gives the HITCHHIKER a FINE BIG GRIN"). It would help to attribute the lines more clearly and perhaps even use different fonts or colors for voice-over versus spoken dialogue.

- Tighten the pacing. While some of the digressions and tangents are part of the characters' personalities, others feel extraneous and slow down the momentum. Streamlining the dialogue and actions, and focusing more on the main conflict (the hitchhiker's escape attempt), would make the scene more engaging.

- Consider adding some visual motifs or symbolism. For example, referring to the Manson family could evoke a sense of paranoia and violence, and the blood on Gonzo's neck could foreshadow further violence. Finding ways to visually reinforce the themes of the scene can deepen its impact.



Scene 4 - The Call to Adventure
INT. THE BEVERLY WILLS HOTEL POGO LOUNGE 1971 - DAY

A uniformed DWARF, carries a shockingly PINK TELEPHONE
through the glittering, tranquil POGO LOUNGE CROWD. They
are the ELOI. HENDRIX AFROS and DROOPING MUSTACHES and BELL
BOTTOMS and LOVE BEADS and BELLS. ACTRESSES sip Singapore
Slings and PROMOTERS sip ACTRESSES in this MONIED, SANITISED
VERSION OF THE GREAT REVOLUTION YEARS.

DUKE (V/O)
... in the patio section, of
course, drinking Singapore Slings
with mescal on the side, hiding
from the brutish realities of this
foul year of Our Lord, 1971.

The DWARF reaches DUKE -- T-shirt, levis, sneakers and
shades. GONZO -- white rayon bellbottoms and a khaki tank
top undershirt. They are in the middle of a serious
conversation.

8.


DUKE
I'm telling you, the Salazar story
is getting too complicated. The
weasels have started closing in.

The DWARF sneers.

DWARF
Perhaps this is the call you've
been waiting for all this time,
sir...

DUKE lifts the receiver -- listens...
DUKE
Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Uh-huh...

DUKE hangs up the PHONE with the DEAD-PAN EXPRESSION OF A
MOVIE SPY.

DWARF
That was headquarters. They want
me to go to Las Vegas at once and
make contact with a Portuguese
photographer named Lacerda. He'll
have the details. All I have to do
is check into my sound proof suite
and he'll seek me out.

GONZO, says nothing for a moment, then POUNDS the table!

GONZO
God hell! I think I see the
pattern! This one sounds like real
trouble! You're going to need
plenty of legal advice before this
thing is over. As your attorney I
must advise you that you'll need a
very fast car with no top and after
that, the cocaine. And then the
tape recorder, for special music,
and some Acapulco shirts...
(GONZO tucks his
khaki undershirt into
his white
bellbottoms -- he
means business!)
This blows my weekend, because
naturally I'll have to go with
you -- and we'll have to arm
ourselves.

9.


DUKE
Why not? If a thing's worth doing,
it's worth doing right.

DUKE and GONZO are up and off. The DWARF chases after them
with the (very large) check in his hand.

They sweep out through the Lounge door, unaware of it
swinging back into the face of the pursuing DWARF.

DUKE
I tell you, my man. This is the
American Dream in action! We'd be
fools not to ride this strange
torpedo all the way to the end.

GONZO
Indeed. We must do it. What kind
of story is this?

EXT. BEVERLY WILLS HOTEL - FRONT ENTRANCE - DAY

DUKE and GONZO emerge.

DUKE
The Mint 400! The richest off-road
race for motorcycles and dune-
buggies in the history of organized
sport!
(handing parking
ticket to Valet)
-- a fantastic spectacle in honor
of some fatback grossero who owns
the luxurious Mint Hotel in the
heart of downtown Vegas... at least
that's what the press release says.

Their car arrives -- rusted out, smashed door panels. They
jump in.

DUKE
We're going to have to drum it up
on our own. Pure Gonzo Journalism.

And they're off in a cloud of black exhaust as the nose-
bleeding DWARF stumbles out with the unpaid bill in his hand.

EXT. SUNSET BLVD - DAY

The PINTO races through shot.

DUKE (V/O)
Getting hold of the drugs and
shirts had been no problem...

10.


EXT. POLYNESIAN BAR - DAY

The PINTO skids to a halt outside Polynesian bar, the back
window full of Hawaiian shirts.
DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
... but the car and tape recorder
were not easy things to round up at
6:30 on a Friday afternoon in
Hollywood.

INT. POLYNESIAN BAR - DAY

TORN YELLOW PAGES with dealer's ads ticked off lie in a pile
as GONZO yells into a PAYPHONE. DUKE carries over four
Singapore Slings.

GONZO
O.K., O.K., yes. Hang onto it.
We'll be there in thirty minutes.
(to DUKE -- hand over
the PHONE)
I finally located a car with
adequate horsepower and the proper
coloring.
(into PHONE)
What?! OF COURSE the gentleman has
a major credit card! Do you
realize who the fuck you're talking
to?

DUKE
Don't take any guff from these
swine.
(GONZO slams the
phone down)
Now we need a sound store with the
finest equipment. Nothing dinky.
One of those new Belgian Heliowatts
with a voice-activated shotgun
mike, for picking up conversations
in oncoming cars.

GONZO
We won't make the nut unless we
have unlimited credit.

DUKE
We will. You Samoans are all the
same. You have no faith in the
essential decency of the white
man's culture.

11.


EXT. SUNSET BLVD - DUSK
The PINTO races down street.

DUKE (V/O)
The store was closed, but the
salesman said he would wait, if we
hurried...
Genres: ["drama","comedy"]

Summary Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo receive a call from headquarters sending them to Las Vegas to make contact with a Portuguese photographer, and they gear up for the trip.
Strengths
  • unique characters
  • dialogue
  • surreal setting
Weaknesses
  • lack of clear plot
  • slow pace

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 7

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. Although the counterculture movement has been covered before, the particular details, like the use of a pink telephone and the specific details of the journalistic mission, are fresh and unique. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions of the characters adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to fulfill his sense of adventure and to live out his dreams of the American Dream.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to carry out his journalistic mission to cover the Mint 400 race and to procure the necessary supplies like a car and a tape recorder to do so.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 6

The opposition is moderate in this scene, as the characters face challenges in carrying out their journalistic mission, but the obstacles are not insurmountable.

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the specific details of the journalistic mission and the hedonistic lifestyle of the characters make it unclear where the action will go next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's hedonistic lifestyle and his journalistic ambitions. The conflict challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the meaning and purpose of life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because the rapid-fire, humorous dialogue keeps the audience invested in the action and the sensory descriptions make it easy to visualize the world of the counterculture movement.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective because it moves quickly but also takes time to establish the characters and the atmosphere of the world.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene is effective and follows the expected format for its genre. It is easy to read and understand the action.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene is effective and follows the expected structure for its genre. It establishes the location and the characters, sets up the conflict and goals, and sets the scene for the action to come.


Critique Overall, this scene feels like it belongs in a specific time period and is very descriptive in its setting and character descriptions. However, it lacks clear objectives for the characters and a clear sense of conflict. The conversation feels more like idle chatter rather than something driving the story forward. The dialogue also feels a bit overwritten and could benefit from some trimming down. Overall, it could use some tighter pacing and more of a sense of direction for the characters.
Suggestions Some potential suggestions for improving this scene:

1. Establish clearer character motivations: Right now, it's not entirely clear why Duke and Gonzo are doing what they're doing, or what they're trying to accomplish. There's mention of the Salazar story and a Portuguese photographer named Lacerda, but it's not clear what that has to do with anything. Adding in some more background or context could help clarify why this scene is necessary and what's at stake.

2. Trim unnecessary exposition: The dialogue in this scene is heavily exposition-based, with characters explaining their plans and motivations in a very straightforward way. While some exposition is necessary, this scene could benefit from a bit of trimming and more artful delivery of information. For example, instead of having Duke say "The Mint 400! The richest off-road race for motorcycles and dune-buggies in the history of organized sport!" in a very on-the-nose way, there could be more creative ways to convey that information through visuals or more natural dialogue.

3. Consider pacing: The scene is quite long and detailed, but doesn't have a ton of visual interest beyond the descriptions of what the characters are wearing. Finding ways to add more movement or interest in the blocking and camera work could help keep the audience engaged.

4. Add tension: Right now, it doesn't feel like there's a ton of tension in this scene, which can make it feel somewhat static. Finding ways to inject more conflict or stakes into the conversation (such as characters expressing doubts or fears about what they're doing) could make it more compelling.

5. Consider setting up a theme: There's potential to set up larger themes or ideas in this scene, such as the idea of the American Dream and what it means to chase it. Finding ways to weave in those thematic elements could make the scene more resonant and give it more depth.



Scene 5 - Pre-Trip Preparations
EXT. SUNSET BLVD - TRAFFIC JAM - DUSK

They're stuck in a traffic jam -- clouds of exhaust. DUKE
BANGS ON THE HORN IN FURY.

DUKE (V/O)
But we were delayed en route when a
Stingray in front of us killed a
pedestrain.

Directly in front of them: BLOODY CARNAGE -- a covered
corpse is loaded into an ambulance by PARAMEDICS.

EXT. CAR RENTAL AGENCY - NIGHT

DUKE (V/O)
We had trouble, again, at the car
rental agency.

Behind the wheel of the RED SHARK: DUKE grins with
satisfaction -- checking it out. A nervous AGENT holds out
a clipboard. DUKE signs without looking at the rental papers.

AGENT
Say... uh... you fellas are going
to be careful with this car, aren't
you?

DUKE
Of course.

DUKE throws the car into reverse -- roars backwards past the
gas pumps to where GONZO is unloading their rusted out car.

AGENT
Well, good god! You just backed
over that two foot concrete abutment
and you didn't even slow down!
Forty-five in reverse! And you
barely missed the pump!

DUKE
No harm done. I always test the
transmission that way. The rear
end. For stress factors.

12.


GONZO transfers boxes of new sound equipment and a large box
of rum and ice into the RED SHARK.

AGENT
Say. Are you fellows drinking?

DUKE
Not me. We're responsible people.

He JAMS the car into LOW GEAR and lurches into traffic. The
AGENT runs into the street and helplessly watches them go.

GONZO
There's another worrier. He's
probably all cranked up on speed.

EXT. RUNDOWN BEACH HOUSE - NIGHT

STRANGE AND MAGICAL. In the moonlight: the silhouetted
figures of DUKE and GONZO as they pack the RED SHARK.

DUKE (V/O)
We spent the rest of that night
rounding up materials and packing
the car. Then we ate some mescaline
and went swimming.

The surf crashes in the distance...

EXT. PACIFIC OCEAN - NIGHT

DUKE cries out as he dives into the ocean. He lets himself
float up through the silvery bubbles...

DUKE AND GONZO FLOAT BEATIFICALLY IN THE GLOWING, SHIMMERING
MOONLIT SURF.

DUKE (V/O)
Our trip was different. It was to
be a classic affirmation of
everything right and true in the
national character; a gross,
physical salute to the fantastic
possibilities of life in this
country. But only for those with
true grit...
Genres: ["comedy","drama"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo prepare for their trip to Las Vegas while encountering some obstacles and indulging in drugs.
Strengths "Strong character portrayals and dialogue."
Weaknesses "Minimal plot movement and conflict."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 6

The scene exhibits a moderate level of originality, with fresh approaches to familiar elements such as drug use and reckless behavior. The character actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their motivations and personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to indulge in a wild, drug-fueled adventure to escape his mundane life and feel alive. This reflects his fear of a boring, uneventful existence.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to obtain a car rental and continue on his journey with his partner in crime. This reflects the immediate challenge of transportation and the need to keep the adventure moving forward.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 8

The opposition is strong in this scene because the characters face challenges such as a traffic jam and a skeptical Agent, which add tension and unpredictability to the scene.

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the characters exhibit reckless behavior and disregard for societal norms, creating a sense of danger and unpredictability in their actions and decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the desire for freedom and experimentation versus the fear of consequences and societal norms. The protagonist's explicit disregard for authority and societal rules clashes with the Agent's concern for safety and responsibility. This challenges the protagonist's belief in the value of a reckless, independent lifestyle.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it sets up a sense of danger and unpredictability, while also highlighting the humor and sense of adventure that the characters are experiencing. The use of vivid sensory details and irreverent dialogue keeps the audience invested in the characters and their journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective because it balances moments of humor, action, and character development, while also building tension and setting up the main external goal of obtaining a car rental.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with a clear use of dialogue and action lines.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear use of location headings and description of character actions and dialogue.


Critique Overall, this scene seems to be setting up the tone and atmosphere of the story, rather than advancing the plot. However, it effectively introduces the characters of Duke and Gonzo and gives a glimpse into their reckless and carefree personalities.

One potential issue with the scene is the graphic description of the pedestrian accident, which some audiences may find disturbing or offensive. Additionally, the dialogue between Duke and the car rental agent feels somewhat clichéd and predictable.

In terms of structure, there does not seem to be a clear goal or conflict for the characters to overcome in this scene. While it does add to the overall mood and themes of the story, it may benefit from a more defined purpose to drive the story forward.

Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging, but could benefit from stronger conflict and a clearer focus.
Suggestions One suggestion for improving this scene would be to add more tension or conflict. While the traffic jam and car rental scene are amusing, they don't necessarily add much to the overall plot or character development. Consider adding a new obstacle or problem that the characters must overcome, or adding further complications to the situations they are already in, to create more tension. Additionally, consider giving more specific actions and reactions to the characters rather than simply relying on voiceover narration. This will allow for more dynamic and engaging visual storytelling.



Scene 6 - High on the Road to Vegas
EXT. AND EVEN FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD TO LAS VEGAS - DAY

DUKE's intense face.

DUKE
...and we're chock full of that!

13.


GONZO
Damn right!

DUKE
My attorney understands this
concept, despite his racial handicap.
But do you?!

The HITCHHIKER nods -- giggles -- petrified.

DUKE (V/O)
He said he understood, but I could
see in his eyes that he didn't. He
was lying to me.

GONZO
My heart!

GONZO clutches his heart. The car veers off the road and
screeches to a halt. He slumps over the wheel.

GONZO (CONT'D)
Where's the medicine?

DUKE
The medicine? Yes, it's right here.

DUKE spills out 4 AMYL CAPSULES from a tin.

DUKE
Don't worry, this man has a bad
heart... Angina Pectoris. But we
have a cure for it.

DUKE and GONZO break 2 AMYLS apiece -- INHALE DEEPLY. GONZO
falls back on the seat, staring straight up at the sun. The
HITCHHIKER looks petrified.

GONZO
(suddenly flailing
his naked arms at the sky)
Turn up the fucking music! My
heart feels like an alligator!
Volume! Clarity! Bass! We must
have bass! What's wrong with us?
Are you goddamn old ladies?

DUKE
(turns up music to
full volume)
You scurvy shyster bastard! Watch
your language! You're talking to a
Doctor of Journalism!

14.


GONZO
(laughing uncontrollably)
What the fuck are we doing out here?
Somebody call the police! We need
help!

DUKE
(to HITCHHIKER)
Pay no attention to this swine. He
can't handle the medicine.
(he begins laughing)


GONZO
(to the HITCHHIKER)
The truth is we're going to Vegas
to croak a scag baron named Savage
Henry. I've known him for years
but he ripped us off -- and you
know what that means, right?

GONZO pulls out a .357 Magnum -- waves it around.

GONZO (CONT'D)
Savage Henry has cashed his check!
We're going to rip his lungs out!

DUKE
And eat them! That bastard won't
get away with this! What's going
on in this country when a scum
sucker like that can get away with
sandbagging a Doctor of Journalism?

GONZO cracks ANOTHER AMYL.

The HITCHHIKER SCRAMBLES OUT OF THE CAR, DOWN THE TRUNK LID,
AND FLEES.

HITCHHIKER
Thanks for the ride. Thanks a lot.
I like you guys. Don't worry about
me.

DUKE
(yells)
Wait a minute! Come back and have
a beer!

The HITCHHIKER RUNS from car.

15.


GONZO
Good riddance. That boy made me
nervous. Did you see his eyes?
(laughing)
Jesus, this is good medicine.

DUKE glances back at the running HITCHHIKER.

DUKE
(suddenly clambering
into the front seat)
Move over!! We have to get out of
California before that kid finds a
cop!

DUKE GUNS THE RED SHARK -- TAKES OFF DOWN THE ROAD...
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama","Crime"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo scare a hitchhiker with their erratic behavior and indulge in drugs while preparing for their trip to Vegas to seek revenge on a ripped-off acquaintance.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Compelling characters
Weaknesses
  • Inappropriate behavior
  • Negative sentiment

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 8

This scene is fairly original, as it presents a unique perspective on drug culture and its effects on individuals. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to the world the writer is creating.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 8

Duke's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control over the situation and his own emotional state, despite the drugs he and Gonzo are taking. This reflects his need to not let the outside world affect his inner self, as well as his fear of losing his grip on reality.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get out of California before the hitchhiker can call the police on them. This reflects the immediate threat they are facing in that moment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is not extremely strong, but the threat of the hitchhiker calling the police adds a sense of urgency to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the characters' actions are erratic and often don't make sense, making it hard for the audience to predict what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' sense of morality and their actions, as they talk about violently taking revenge on someone who wronged them. This challenges their own beliefs about what is right and wrong.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it keeps the audience on edge with the characters' reckless actions and the sense of danger they are constantly in.

Pacing: 10

The pacing of this scene is effective, as it keeps the audience engaged throughout with its fast pace and chaotic energy.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for the screenplay genre.


Critique The scene begins with a strong visual of Duke's intense face, but the opening dialogue feels somewhat out of context. It's unclear what they are chock-full of, which makes the conversation feel disjointed. The scene begins to make more sense as it progresses, but it could benefit from clearer exposition.

The dialogue between Duke and Gonzo is colorful and humorous, with a rhythm that feels natural to the characters. However, the sudden introduction of the Hitchhiker and his subsequent terror doesn't feel wholly earned. It's unclear why the Hitchhiker is so frightened, making his character feel underdeveloped.

The introduction of the medicine and the subsequent drug use similarly lacks context, making it difficult to understand the characters' motivations. It's also unclear what the consequences of the drug use will be, which could make the scene feel somewhat arbitrary.

Overall, the scene has some strong visual elements and witty dialogue but could benefit from more cohesive context and character development.
Suggestions There are several ways to improve the scene:

- Add more visual description to set the scene and enhance the mood. For example, describe the desert landscape and the heat, the sweat on the characters' faces, etc.
- Increase the tension and suspense by having the Hitchhiker act more jittery and paranoid, or by having more close calls with the law.
- Develop the characters more by adding backstory or quirks that make them more interesting and dynamic. For example, why does Duke refer to his attorney's "racial handicap"? What is Gonzos's backstory with Savage Henry?
- Remove some of the more gratuitous and offensive language and behavior, which could turn off some audiences. For example, the use of racial slurs or the waving around of a gun.
- Make the dialogue flow more smoothly and naturally, so it doesn't feel like an exposition dump or an attempt to shock the audience.



Scene 7 - Arrival at the Mint Hotel
EXT. UNBELIEVABLY FAR DOWN THE ROAD TO LAS VEGAS - DAY

THE RED SHARK races -- DUKE at the wheel -- straight ahead
driving.

DUKE (V/O)
It was absolutely imperative that
we get to the Mint Hotel before the
deadline for press registration.
Otherwise, we might have to pay for
our suite.

GONZO wrestles with a shaker of COCAINE. The top comes off
and the powder swirls away on the wind.

GONZO
Oh, Jesus! Did you see what god
just did to us?
DUKE
God didn't do that! You did it!
You're a fucking narcotics agent,
that was our cocaine, you pig!

GONZO
(waving his .357
Magnum at Duke)
You better be careful. Plenty of
vultures out here. They'll pick
your bones clean before morning.

DUKE
You whore!

GONZO tears up a BLOTTER OF ACID.

16.


GONZO
Here -- chew this. It's your half
of the acid.

DUKE takes his half -- chews it.

DUKE
How long do I have?

GONZO
Maybe thirty more minutes. As your
attorney, I advise you to drive at
top speed. It'll be a goddamn
miracle if we can get there before
you turn into a wild animal. Are
you ready for that? Checking into
a Vegas hotel under a phony name
with intent to commit capital fraud
and a head full of acid.

DUKE (V/O)
Thirty minutes. It was going to be
very close.

The RED SHARK screams along the highway past a billboard:
"DON'T GAMBLE WITH MARIJUANA! \ IN NEVADA: POSSESSION - 20
YEARS; SALE - LIFE!!"

EXT. LAS VEGAS MINT HOTEL - DUSK

The RED SHARK pulls up outside the MINT. A great banner
spanning the street announces the MINT 400.

DUKE can feel the drug surging up inside him. Clutching a
buckled beer can, sweat pouring, he stares fixedly at the
TICKET the ATTENDANT gives him.

DUKE
I need this, right?

ATTENDANT
I'll remember your face.

DUKE stares -- losing it...

DUKE (V/O)
There is no way of explaining the
terror I felt.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY - DAY

DUKE waits in line at the front desk -- RIGID WITH PENT UP
ENERGY. GONZO's ahead of him -- muscling in -- trying to
queue jump and failing.

17.


DUKE (V/O)
I was pouring sweat. My blood is
too thick for Nevada. I've never
been able to properly explain
myself in this climate.

A COUPLE move off and DUKE jerks forward -- stops -- eyes
fixed on the stony FEMALE RESERVATIONS CLERK.

DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
Be quiet, be calm... name, rank,
and press affiliation, nothing
else...

DUKE moves ANOTHER RIGID STEP CLOSER to the desk -- the
tension almost snapping him in two. GONZO's FLAPPING
AROUND -- absolutely no success.

Something catches DUKE's eye... He REMAINS ROOTED -- his
eyes turning to the VEGETAL PAISLEY PATTERNS ON THE CARPET
WHICH ARE SHIFTING -- UNDULATING. THE CARPET PATTERNS ARE
INEXORABLY CREEPING UP THE WALLS...

DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
...ignore this terrible drug,
pretend it's not happening...

The LAST PEOPLE leave -- with A FINAL, STIFF MOVE, DUKE
comes face to face with the RESERVATIONS CLERK... AND
EXPLODES!

DUKE
HI THERE. MY NAME... AH, RAOUL
DUKE... ON... ON THAT LIST, THAT'S
FOR SURE. FREE LUNCH, FINAL
WISDOM, TOTAL COVERAGE... WHY NOT?
I HAVE MY ATTORNEY WITH ME, AND I
REALIZE OF COURSE...

As DUKE stares at her, BABBLING, her FACE BEGINS TO MORPH.
He tries to stop it happening by TALKING FASTER.

DUKE
... THAT HIS NAME IS NOT ON THE
LIST, BUT WE MUST HAVE THAT SUITE.
YES. JUST CHECK THE LIST AND
YOU'LL SEE. DON'T WORRY. WHAT'S
THE SCORE HERE? WHAT'S NEXT?

DUKE sags -- grips the desk -- WHITE KNUCKLES.

18.


RESERVATIONS CLERK
(hands him an envelope)
Your suite's not ready yet. But
there's somebody looking for you.

Her face is CHANGING -- SWELLING -- PULSING...

DUKE
(shouts)
NO! WHY? WE HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING
YET!

The FACE OF THE RESERVATIONS CLERK TURNS GREEN & GROWS FANGS.
DEADLY POISON! DUKE LUNGES BACK at GONZO, who GRIPS his arm
intensely -- REACHES OUT to take the ENVELOPE.

GONZO
I can handle this. This man has a
bad heart, but I have plenty of
medicine. My name is Dr. Gonzo.
Prepare our suite at once. We'll
be in the bar.
GONZO manoeuvres DUKE away from the desk. DUKE looks
back -- the RESERVATIONS CLERKS is now a MORAY EEL -- green
jowls and fangs.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo arrive at the Mint Hotel in Las Vegas, feeling the effects of drugs and encountering hallucinations. They struggle to check in, but eventually receive an envelope and are told someone is looking for them.
Strengths
  • Surreal imagery keeps the tone interesting
  • Character dialogue is humorous and engaging
Weaknesses
  • The scene feels slightly disconnected from the rest of the plot
  • Lack of coherent action makes the pacing drag

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its use of surreal, stream-of-consciousness narrative techniques to convey the disorienting effects of drug use on the characters. The dialogue and actions of the characters are authentic and contribute to a vividly depicted sense of place and atmosphere.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 8

Duke's internal goal in this scene is to manage his escalating drug-induced paranoia and anxiety long enough to successfully check into the Mint Hotel and secure press registration without drawing attention to himself.

External Goal: 9

Duke's external goal is to check into the Mint Hotel and secure press registration before the deadline, in order to avoid having to pay for their suite.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is primarily psychological, as Duke struggles to manage his drug-induced paranoia and anxiety and confronts the judgmental attitudes of others. However, there is also the external goal of getting to the Mint Hotel before the deadline, which adds a sense of urgency and conflict to the scene.

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 10

The scene is highly unpredictable due to the characters' unpredictable actions and the surreal, non-linear narrative structure.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Duke and Gonzo's hedonistic, drug-fueled lifestyle and the conservative societal norms of Las Vegas, as represented by the billboard warning against gambling with marijuana and the reservations clerk's judgmental attitude towards them.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 9

The scene's vividly described setting, frenzied characters, and surreal imagery create a captivating, immersive reading experience.

Pacing: 9

The scene's pacing is effective in conveying the characters' frenzied emotional states and building tension towards their arrival at the Mint Hotel.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The scene's formatting is clear and follows standard screenplay conventions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-traditional structure in that it is a series of vignettes that depict Duke and Gonzo's drug-filled journey to the Mint Hotel. However, this structure aligns with the countercultural ethos of the scene and effectively conveys the characters' chaotic emotional states.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the drug-induced paranoia and hallucinations of the main characters. However, there are a few areas for improvement.

First, the dialogue between Duke and Gonzo could be more clear and precise. The back-and-forth insults and threats can be difficult to follow at times, and could benefit from more distinct character voices and clearer motivations for their actions.

Second, the visual descriptions of the hallucinations could be more vivid and surreal. While the shifting carpet patterns and changing faces are effective, there is room to push the boundaries of what is possible in the world of the scene and heighten the sense of disorientation and chaos.

Overall, though, the scene effectively establishes the stakes of the characters' journey to Vegas and sets up the inevitable conflict and chaos that follows.
Suggestions 1. There is a lot going on in this scene, and it can feel disjointed and overwhelming. Consider simplifying the action and dialogue to focus on the main objectives of the scene.

2. The drug use and hallucinations can be toned down to make it more believable and less cartoonish.

3. Use more descriptive language to create a vivid and immersive atmosphere. Show, don't tell.

4. The exchange between Duke and the reservations clerk can be made more concise and less rambling, while still maintaining the character's erratic behavior.

5. The dialogue between Duke and Gonzo can be sharpened to create a sense of tension and urgency, while also highlighting their dysfunctional relationship.



Scene 8 - Reptiles in Clothes
INT. NAUTICAL BAR - DAY

The bar -- OILY PEOPLE -- quiet music -- nautical theme.
DUKE and GONZO at the bar, a marlin spike hanging on the
wall behind them. DUKE has turned to stone...

GONZO
(to the bartender)
Two Cuba Libres with beer and
mescal on the side.
(opens the envelope)
Who's Lacerda, he's waiting for us
in a room on the twelfth floor?

DUKE
Lacerda?

DUKE (V/O)
I couldn't remember. The name rang
a bell, but I couldn't concentrate.
Terrible things were happening all
around us...

DUKE is staring -- RAPT -- TERRIFIED. BLOOD FLOWS FREELY
onto the floor. DUKE keeps his voice low.

19.


DUKE
Order some golf shoes. Otherwise,
we'll never get out of this place
alive. It's impossible to walk in
this muck -- no footing at all...

DUKE looks up -- GONZO has disappeared.

DUKE looks around him -- the entire room has TRANSFORMED
into a ROOM FILLED WITH REPTILES IN CLOTHES, DRINKING AND
GNAWING AT ONE ANOTHER.

DUKE (V/O)
I was right in the middle of a
fucking reptile zoo. And somebody
was giving booze to these goddamn
things! It won't be long before
they tear us to shreds!
GONZO IS SUDDENLY BACK -- AT DUKE'S SHOULDER.

GONZO
If you think we're in trouble now
wait until you see what's happening
in the elevators.

GONZO removes his sunshades and we see he's been crying...
as he speaks he seems to be floating. Duke struggles to
keep him in his line of vision.

GONZO
I just went upstairs to see this
man Lacerda. I told him I knew
what he was up to...
(GONZO rallies --
turns fierce)
He says he's a photographer! But
when I mentioned Savage Henry he
freaked! He knows we're onto him!

DUKE
But what about our room? And the
golf shoes?

A GROUP OF REPTILES AT A TABLE ACROSS THE ROOM stares at
them, BLOOD DRIPPING FROM THEIR FANGS.

DUKE (CONT'D)
(grabbing GONZO
trying to hold him still)
Holy shit! Look at that bunch over
there! They've spotted us!

20.


Cut to wider shot -- DUKE is holding on to a man standing
next to him at the bar. The room has returned to normality.
GONZO is sitting in his original position.

GONZO
(downs his drink --
gets up)
That's the press table. Where you
have to sign in for our credentials.
Shit, let's get it over with. You
handle that, and I'll check on the
room.

DUKE
No, no. Don't leave me!
Black screen.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo arrive at a nautical bar where they receive an envelope informing them of a meeting with a photographer named Lacerda. Duke becomes increasingly paranoid and sees the bar turn into a room filled with reptiles. Gonzo relays information about their target, but also seems to be losing touch with reality.
Strengths
  • Vivid and memorable imagery
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Effective use of tone and setting
Weaknesses
  • Unclear plot developments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 8

The scene is highly original, and the unpredictable nature of the characters' actions, the surreal surroundings, and the unpredictability of the twist create a highly enthralling experience. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue is convincing.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 8

Duke's internal goal is to remember who Lacerda is and come up with a plan to get out of an impossible situation alive.

External Goal: 9

Duke's external goal is to find out where Lacerda is and what he is up to.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 9

The opposition is quite strong in this scene with characters encountering dangerous situations and taking risks. It creates tension and uncertainty in the audience.

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 10

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden change in the surroundings, the bizarre actions of the characters, and the surreal atmosphere.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the unpredictability, dynamic dialogue, and surreal atmosphere. This leads to curiosity about the characters' actions and the world they inhabit.

Pacing: 10

The pacing of the scene is well-done, meeting the technical writing proficiency expectations, and the rhythm of the scene contributes to its immersive effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting is flawless and follows the expected format for its genre, making the script easy to read and comprehend.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene is fluid and follows the expected structure of its genre, creating clarity and an immersive experience.


Critique This scene seems to be a part of a larger story, so it is difficult to fully evaluate it without context. However, it is clear that the scene involves a surreal and hallucinatory experience. The nautical bar and reptiles dressed in clothes add to the disorienting atmosphere. The dialogue between Duke and Gonzo is cryptic and adds to the confusion. The use of voice-over to convey Duke's thoughts and feelings is a good narrative technique. The scene is also well-structured, with clear action and descriptions that create vivid imagery.

Overall, the scene has a strong sense of surrealism and is effective in conveying a sense of dread and paranoia. However, without context, it is difficult to fully assess its contribution to the story as a whole.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the setting and characters: It would be helpful to have a brief description of Duke and Gonzo, the main characters in the scene, to help the audience understand who they are and their motivations. Additionally, a description of the Nautical Bar would help set the tone and atmosphere.

2. Use more sensory details: Instead of just describing the reptiles in the bar, use descriptive language to help the audience see, hear, and feel the chaos and terror of the scene. This could include visceral descriptions of the blood and violence, the sounds of the reptiles' hissing and gnashing teeth, and the feeling of Duke's fear and panic.

3. Tighten the dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels a bit clunky and could be pared down to make the scene feel more tense and urgent. For example, the line "Order some golf shoes. Otherwise, we'll never get out of this place alive" could be shortened to something like "We need golf shoes to escape. Now." Similarly, Gonzo's dialogue about Lacerda could be streamlined to emphasize the danger without getting bogged down in detail.

4. Consider filming challenges: Some of the more surreal elements of the scene (such as the room transforming into a reptile-filled nightmare) may be difficult and expensive to film. It may be helpful to think about how the scene could be adapted or filmed in a simpler way without sacrificing its impact.



Scene 9 - Preparing for the Race
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - DUSK

A TELEVISION shows the NIGHTLY NEWS. A BUDDHIST MONK,
protesting the war, sets himself on fire. A very nervous
BELL BOY is laying out GONZO's order. A marlin spike is on
the floor next to DUKE.

BELL BOY
Four club sandwiches, four shrimp
cocktails.

DUKE
There's a big... machine in the
sky... some kind of electric snake...

DUKE is curled by the window -- MESMERIZED by an unseen neon
sign outside the window. His eyes fill with a million
colored lights.

BELL BOY
... a quart of rum...

DUKE
... coming straight at us.

GONZO
Shoot it.

DUKE
Not yet. I want to study its habits.

BELL BOY
... and nine fresh grapefruit.

21.


GONZO
Vitamin C. We'll need all we can
get.

GONZO sees the BELL BOY out the door -- turns and lays into
DUKE.

GONZO
Look, you've got to stop this talk
about snakes and leeches and
lizards and that stuff. It's
making me sick!
DUKE stares -- hears the drone of B52 BOMBERS...

On TV: The LAOS INVASION -- A SERIES OF HORRIFYING
DISASTERS -- EXPLOSIONS AND TWISTED WRECKAGE.

Newsreel footage of MAI LAI MASSACRE and the LIEUTENANT
CALLEY court-martial.

DUKE
What are you talking about?

GONZO
You bastard! They'll never let us
back in that place. I leave you
alone for three minutes and you
start waving that goddamn marlin
spike around -- yelling about
reptiles! You scared the shit out
of those people! They were ready
to call the cops. Hell, the only
reason they gave us press passes
was to get you out of there...

A knock at the door. DUKE and GONZO break out in a sweat.

DUKE
Oh my God! Who's that?!

GONZO STICKS HIS GUN IN HIS WAISTBAND -- opens the door to
LACERDA -- BOUNCING WITH PUPPY DOG ENTHUSIASM. GONZO stares
at a man he instantly hates -- watches him with deep
suspicion.

LACERDA
Duke? I'm Lacerda your photographer.
Got your press passes? Good, good.
Too bad you missed the bikes
checking in. My, what a sight!

DUKE watches the B-52S DROP THEIR BOMB LOADS.

22.


Looking down to the thick, patterned carpet, DUKE sees the
BOMBS EXPLODE like vicious flowers.

DUKE looks up: LACERDA is a war photographer -- bruised,
filthy and blood spattered. LACERDA approaches him --
talking a foreign language.
LACERDA
Husquavarnas. Yamahas. Kawaskis.
Maicos. Pursang. Swedish Fireballs.
Couple of Triumphs, here and there
a CZ. All very fast. What a race
it's gonna be.

DUKE screws up his eyes -- WILLS NORMALITY BACK. LACERDA is
now just a keen photographer.L

LACERDA
Well, we start at dawn. Get a good
night's sleep. I know I will.

And with a cheerful wave, he's gone. DUKE is in shock.

DUKE
(weakly)
That's good...

GONZO
I think he's lying to us. I could
see it in his eyes.

DUKE
(even weaker)
They'll probably have a big net for
us when we show up.

DUKE's attention returns to the devastation on the TV...

GONZO
Turn that shit off!

GONZO kills the TV.

Black screen.

DUKE (V/O)
Never lose sight of the primary
responsibility. Cover the story.
But what was the story? Nobody had
bothered to say.

23.


EXT. DESERT - DAWN

Against A BIG ORANGE SUN, on a concrete slab, MEN FIRE
SHOTGUNS into the dawn sky. Clay pigeons shatter. The Mint
Gun Club.
Next to them, MOTORCYCLES REV -- preparing for the MINT 400
RACE: A hundred BIKERS, MECHANICS and assorted MOTORSPORT
TYPES milling around in the pit area; taping headlights,
topping off oil in the forks, last minute bolt tightening.

DUKE wanders through.

DUKE (V/O)
The racers were ready at dawn.
Very tense. But the race didn't
start until nine so we had three
long hours to kill.

A sign by a long trestle table: "KOFFEE & DONUTS." DUKE
walks past -- ignoring the SMILING LADY behind the stall.

DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
Those of us who had been up all
night were in no mood for coffee
and donuts. We wanted strong drink.
We were, after all, the Absolute
Cream of the National Sporting
Press and we were gathered here, in
Las Vegas, for a very special
assignment. And when it comes to
things like this you don't fool
around.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo prepare for the Mint 400 race while Gonzo confronts Duke about his erratic behavior. They receive a visit from their photographer, Lacerda, and Duke becomes increasingly paranoid.
Strengths "Strong use of imagery to evoke the drug-induced hallucinations and paranoia the characters are experiencing. The tension and conflict between Duke and Gonzo are also well developed."
Weaknesses "The scene can drag at times with the characters' rambling dialogue."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 8

The level of originality in this scene is fairly high, as it portrays a unique and unconventional lifestyle and subculture that is rarely depicted in mainstream media. The characters' dialogue and actions are authentic and believable, reflecting the writer's attention to detail and research.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 8

Duke's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure in the face of the chaos around him and fulfill his journalistic responsibilities. This reflects his deeper need for professional success and recognition, as well as his underlying fear of failure and inadequacy.

External Goal: 9

Duke's external goal is to cover the motorcycle race and write an article about it. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in fulfilling his journalistic responsibilities and living up to his professional reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, but it is not insurmountable or particularly difficult for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of its overall direction, but it contains surprising and unexpected details and actions that keep the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Duke and Gonzo in this scene, as Gonzo urges Duke to abandon his focus on journalistic responsibilities and embrace the freedom of experiencing drugs and other extreme sensations. This conflict challenges Duke's values and ideals about the purpose of journalism and the role of the journalist in society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its vivid and surreal atmosphere, as well as the tension and conflict between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of this scene is effective in building tension and suspense, as well as conveying the frenetic energy of the characters' lifestyles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions. However, the use of fragmented dialogue and descriptions can be disorienting at times.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear establishing shots, character introductions, and dialogue.


Critique Overall, this scene portrays an intense and chaotic atmosphere with the use of visual and auditory elements. However, there is room for improvement in terms of clarity in the dialogue and character development.

One issue is the lack of clear distinction between Duke and Gonzo's characterizations. Their dialogue tends to blend together, making it difficult for the audience to distinguish their personalities and intentions.

Additionally, the dialogue lacks depth and specificity in its descriptions of events and emotions. More detail and specificity could be used to enhance the characters and the overall story.

Finally, while the visual elements are effective in creating the overall atmosphere, more attention could be given to describing the setting and scenery. This would provide more context for the audience and create a more immersive experience.
Suggestions 1. The scene could benefit from clearer character motivation and context. Why are Duke and Gonzo at the Mint Hotel? What is their objective in being there? Understanding their goals would make their behavior more understandable and the scene more engaging.

2. There could be more visual description of the surroundings and characters in order to paint a vivid picture for the audience. The scene currently lacks a strong sense of setting and atmosphere, which could enhance the tension and stakes of the situation.

3. The dialogue could benefit from more naturalistic phrasing and a more distinct voice for each character. The current conversation feels stilted and lacks the individuality of the characters’ personalities.

4. The pacing of the scene could be tightened to make the tension more palpable. The current scene feels overly expository and could benefit from more action and consequences to drive the story forward.

5. Overall, the scene could benefit from more clarity and purpose. It currently feels like a collection of events without a clear throughline or objective. Clarifying the character motivations and making the stakes more apparent would help drive the scene towards a more engaging conclusion.



Scene 10 - Race Day Bar Crawl
INT. RACE BAR TENT - DAY

A real pit of iniquity. Slot Machines. Crap tables. Smoke.
Drunken shouting. The absolute cream of the NATIONAL
SPORTING PRESS.

DUKE is at the bar, engaged in drunken conversation with a
LIFE REPORTER...showing him his notebook.

DUKE
See..."Kill the body and the head
will die"... the Frazier/Ali fight...

MAGAZINE REPORTER
A proper end to the 60's... Ali
beaten by a human hamburger!

DUKE
And both Kennedy's murdered by
mutants.

24.
A SHOUT goes up from outside. The sound of engines revving.

REPORTER
That's it! They're starting!

In a sudden rush the PRESS CROWD make for the door taking
DUKE with them.

EXT. DESERT - DAY

MOTORCYCLES REV -- tension builds...

A flag goes down. The CROWD cheers. The MOTORCYCLES ROAR
AWAY. A great cloud of dust goes up -- obscuring the RACERS
as they disappear into the desert...

A moment...

REPORTER
Well, that's that. They'll be back
in an hour or so. Let's go back to
the bar.

The CROWD turns and streams back into the tent.

INT. RACE BAR TENT - DAY

DUKE heads for the bar along with the REST. It's packed.
Drinks are ordered.

A shout from outside the tent goes up:

VOICE OFF
Group 2!

The CROWD rushes for the door. DUKE gets swept along.

EXT. DESERT - DAY

MOTORCYCLES REV. A flag goes down. The CROWD cheers. The
MOTORCYCLES ROAR AWAY. Another great cloud of dust goes up...

The CROWD head back for the bar.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo attend a race viewing party, get caught up in the action, and return to the bar.
Strengths
  • Detailed setting description
  • Continues themes from earlier scenes
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6


Story Content

Concept: 5

Plot: 6

Originality: 4

The scene is not very original as it uses the stereotypical settings of a race tent and heavily relies on the use of drunken shouting and chaos for the atmosphere. However, the humor and wit in the dialogue and the use of visuals such as the motorcycle race helps to elevate the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 5

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not well defined as it is a short scene, but it might be his desire to be at the center of attention and remain relevant in the sporting world.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to witness and report on the motorcycle race which occurs outside of the bar tent.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is small, but it comes from the interruption of the race causing a rush of the crowd and a disruption to the bar scene.

High Stakes: 3

Story Forward: 5

Unpredictability: 5

The scene is somewhat unpredictable as it is a short scene with an unexpected interruption of the race occurring, but it is not enough to completely shake up the plot.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no philosophical conflict evident in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 6

The scene is engaging because it sets up the world and characters in a short amount of time, provides humor through the dialogue, and ends on a cliffhanger with the promise of a larger race plot to come.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well done as it follows a set structure and has a clear rhythm to the action and dialogue. The tension and excitement build up towards the race.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows expected standards and is easy to read and follow.

Structure: 7

The structure of the scene follows a typical setup and payoff structure of the crowd rushing outside to witness the race, the race happening, and then everyone heading back inside. It follows the expected structure for the genre.


Critique Overall, this scene is lacking in tension and substance. While some setting description is included, there is no real conflict or stakes involved. Duke's conversation with the magazine reporter feels forced and does not add much to the scene. Additionally, the sudden rush to watch the start of the race feels contrived and not well-motivated.

To improve this scene, it could benefit from clearer character motivations and more specific details about the atmosphere of the race bar tent. The dialogue could also be honed to feel more natural and engaging. Lastly, there needs to be more tension and stakes involved in the viewing of the race - something that would make it matter more to the characters and the audience.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more specific details to the setting description in the race bar tent to make it more immersive for the audience. What kind of people are there, what are they wearing, what does the bar look like?

2. Develop the conversation between Duke and the magazine reporter to make it more engaging and relevant to the story. Are they discussing a specific plot point or character development?

3. Instead of just showing the motorcycles revving and the racers disappearing into the desert, find a way to make it more visually interesting and exciting for the audience. Perhaps include drone shots of the motorcycles racing through the desert or slow-motion shots of the dust cloud.

4. Introduce a conflict or obstacle for Duke to face instead of just him getting swept along with the crowd. Maybe he loses something valuable in the rush or has a run-in with an antagonist.

5. Consider adding a twist or surprise element to the scene to keep the audience on their toes. Perhaps someone unexpected shows up at the bar, or Duke has a sudden realization about his own character or the race.



Scene 11 - The Mint 400 Race and Madness
INT. RACE BAR TENT - DAY

The CROWD surge back to the bar.

VOICE OFF
Group 3!
This time DUKE fights his way free of the CROWD.

25.


DUKE (V/O)
There was something like 190 more
bikes waiting to start. They were
due to go off 10 at a time every 2
minutes.

DUKE hits the bar.

DUKE
Beer!

A middle-aged HOODLUM in a T-shirt booms up to the bar.

HOODLUM
God damn! What day is this --
Saturday?

DUKE
More like Sunday.

HOODLUM
Hah! That's a bitch, ain't it?
Last night I was home in Long Beach
and somebody said they were runnin'
the Mint 400 today, so I says to my
old lady, "Man, I'm goin'." So she
gives me a lot of crap about it, so
I start slappin' her around, and
the next thing you know two guys I
never seen before are beating me
stupid.

VOICE OFF
Group 4!

Outside, another batch of motorcycles roar away -- kicking
up more clouds of dust.

HOODLUM
Then they gave me ten bucks, put me
on a bus, and when I woke up here I
was in downtown Vegas, and for a
minute all I could think was, "O
Jesus, who's divorcing me this
time?" But then I remembered, by
God! I was here for the Mint 400.
And, man, I tell you, it's wonderful
to be here. Just wonderful to be
here with you people.

A silence. A MAGAZINE REPORTER lunges across the bar --
grabs the BARTENDER.

26.


MAGAZINE REPORTER
Senzaman wassyneeds!

DUKE
(smacks the bar with
his palm)
Hell yes! Bring us ten!

VOICE OFF
Group 5!

MAGAZINE REPORTER
(screams)
I'll back it!
(slides off his stool
to the floor)


Outside, motorcycles roar away. The dust cloud billows into
the tent -- getting denser.

MAGAZINE REPORTER (CONT'D)
(on the floor)
This is a magic moment in sport!
It may never come again! I once
did the Triple Crown, but it was
nothing like this.

A FROG-EYED WOMAN claws at the MAGAZINE REPORTER, tries to
haul him up.

FROG-EYED WOMAN
Please stand up! You're a
correspondent for a major national
magazine who's name we can't get
clearance for! Please! You'd be a
very handsome man if you'd just
stand up!

MAGAZINE REPORTER
Listen, madam. I'm damn near
intolerably handsome down here
where I am. You'd go crazy if I
stood up!

A feverishly eager LACERDA appears out of the dust cloud, 3
cameras slung round his neck.

LACERDA
Club soda, please.

FROG-EYED WOMAN
(to MAGAZINE REPORTER)
Please! I love Life!

27.


LACERDA
(to DUKE)
Man, it's great out there!

DUKE
Lunatics.

LACERDA grins.

VOICE OFF
Group 6!

LACERDA
Meet you outside!

LACERDA downs his drink -- hurries out through the crowd and
out into the cloud of dust.

EXT. DESERT - DAY

Nothing. Except for a THICK CLOUD OF DUST.

Barely visible, a motorcycle comes speeding into the pits.
The RIDER staggers off his bike. The PIT CREW gas it up and
sends it back with a FRESH RIDER.

DUKE watches him disappear back into the dust cloud.

DUKE (V/O)
By 10 they were spread out all over
the course. It was no longer a
race, now it was an Endurance
Contest. The idea of trying to
"cover this race" in any
conventional press sense was absurd.

A HORN HONKS. A shiny BLACK BRONCO with DRIVER. LACERDA
hangs out of the window.

LACERDA
It's great, isn't it?! Jump in!

DUKE gets into the Bronco and they head into the DUST CLOUD.
Genres: ["Sports","Comedy"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo attend the Mint 400 race, encounter strange characters and events, and get caught up in the madness.
Strengths "The scene effectively conveys the chaotic and absurd nature of the Mint 400 race and its attendees, particularly with the comic relief provided by the magazine reporter and the frog-eyed woman. Lacerda's appearance and invitation to Duke also provides excitement and intrigue."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant plot developments and character changes. It also does not delve much into Duke and Gonzo's relationship or goals in attending the race."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 7

Originality: 8

The scene is relatively original, featuring a unique setting and subculture that is not often explored in mainstream media. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to life, capturing the spirit of the motorcycle racing community.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but their actions and dialogue suggest that they are trying to immerse themselves in the excitement of the race and enjoy the wild chaos around them.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to drink beer and enjoy the company of other enthusiasts while watching the race.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is relatively weak, with no major obstacles or challenges presented to the protagonist. However, the rowdy crowds and chaotic environment create a sense of opposition and conflict that drives the energy and excitement of the scene.

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat unpredictable because of its constantly shifting energy and the unpredictable actions of the characters. While there is no major plot twist or unexpected event, the scene feels dynamic and unpredictable.

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its vivid sensory descriptions, fast-paced action, and unique setting. It captures the spirit of the motorcycle racing community and immerses the reader in its chaotic energy.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective because it builds tension and excitement gradually, gradually immersing the reader in the chaotic energy of the motorcycle race. The dialogue and action flow smoothly, creating a sense of momentum and urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The formatting of the scene is clean and professional, with well-defined scene headings and clear action and dialogue descriptions. It adheres to industry standards and follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, with well-defined characters and a clear sense of setting and context. It flows smoothly from one moment to the next, building tension and excitement as the motorcycle race unfolds in the background.


Critique This scene could use some clarity and organization. It is difficult to keep track of the different characters and their actions. There are also unclear transitions between dialogue and actions. The dialogue is often rambling and doesn't serve a clear purpose in advancing the story or character development. It could benefit from tighter writing and more focused dialogue that moves the plot forward. Overall, the scene could be improved with better pacing and clearer direction.
Suggestions - First and foremost, it's unclear what the purpose of this scene is. It doesn't seem to advance the plot or reveal anything new about the characters. Consider revising the scene to make it more relevant to the story.

- There are a lot of characters in this scene, but none of them are particularly memorable or interesting. Consider giving them distinct personalities or backstories to make them more engaging for the audience.

- The dialogue is somewhat rambling and doesn't have a clear purpose. Consider trimming it down and making it more focused on advancing the story or revealing something about the characters.

- The action is largely focused on characters drinking beer and chatting, which can make for a somewhat static scene. Consider adding more movement or action to make it more visually interesting for the audience.

- The scene takes place in a tent, but there's no sense of the surroundings or atmosphere. Consider giving more details about the setting to make it more immersive for the audience.

- Finally, consider the scene's pacing. The action seems to meander somewhat, with no clear sense of tension or escalation. Consider building more momentum and conflict throughout the scene to make it more engaging for the audience.



Scene 12 - The Desert Races
EXT. DESERT - DAY

IN THE BRONCO.

DUKE hangs on with his beer. Nothing all around but the
HUGE IMPENETRABLE CLOUD OF DUST. LACERDA snaps madly away
at nothing at all!

28.


LACERDA
I'll just keep trying different
combos of film and lenses till I
find one that works in this dust!

The SOUND OF MOTORCYCLES RACING...

We hear music and voices singing:

BATTLE HYMN
"...As we go marching on
When I reach my final campground,
in
that land beyond the sun,
And the Great Commander asks me..."
[What did he ask you, Rusty?]
"Did you fight or did you run?"

A moment later, the Bronco races out of the dust. DUKE
coughs, chokes, drinks beer.

BATTLE HYMN
(continuing)
[And what did you tell them,
Rusty?]
"We responded to their rifle fire
with everything we had..."

The sound of gun shots...

A DUNE BUGGY races toward them, loaded down with THREE
RETIRED PETTY OFFICERS, DRUNK AS HELL. The radio blares:
"THE BATTLE HYMN OF LIEUTENANT CALLEY."
The dune buggy is COVERED WITH OMINOUS SYMBOLS: SCREAMING
EAGLES CARRYING AMERICAN FLAGS IN THEIR CLAWS. A slant-eyed
Snake being chopped to bits by a buzz-saw made of stars and
stripes. A MACHINE GUN MOUNT on the passenger side. They
yell over the roaring engines.

DUNE BUGGY DRIVER
Where's the damn race?

DUKE
Beats me. We're just good patriotic
Americans like yourself.

DUKE gives DUNE BUGGY PASSENGER #2 A NICE BIG GRIN. In
response, the PASSENGER #2 narrows his eyes -- tightens his
grip on an automatic weapon.

DUNE BUGGY DRIVER
(suspiciously)
What outfit you fellas with?

29.


DUKE
The sporting press. We're
friendlies. Hired geeks.

The DRIVER and DUNE BUGGY PASSENGER #2 exchange looks.

DUKE
If you want a good chase, you
should get after that skunk from
CBS News up ahead in the black jeep.
He's the man responsible for that
book, THE SELLING OF THE PENTAGON.

DUNE BUGGY PASSENGER #1
HOT DAMN!

DUNE BUGGY PASSENGER #2
A black jeep, you say?

And they ROAR away.

DUKE
Take me back to the pits.

LACERDA
No, no -- we have to go on. We
need total coverage.
DUKE gets out of the Bronco.

DUKE
You're fired.

After a moment's hesitation, LACERDA and the BRONCO driver
roar away leaving DUKE alone in the cloud of dust.

DUKE (V/O)
It was time. I felt, for an
Agonizing Reappraisal of the whole
scene. The race was definitely
under way. I had witnessed the
start; I was sure of that much.
But what now?

EXT. LAS VEGAS STREETS - NIGHT

MUSIC PUMPS OUT. CRUISING IN THE RED SHARK IN VEGAS. THE
SKY SWIRLS WITH MILLIONS OF NEON LIGHTS CHASING EACH OTHER
IN BAROQUE PATTERNS ACROSS GIGANTIC HOTEL SIGNS. PSYCHEDELIC
LIGHT SHOWS TO LURE AND DERANGE THE INNOCENT. CITY OF LOST
SOULS.

30.


DUKE
Turn up the radio! Turn up the
tape machine! Roll the windows
down. Let's taste this cool desert
wind! Aaah, yes! This is what
it's all about!

DUKE, beer in hand, drives -- a big smile for the world.
GONZO scans The Vegas Visitor.

DUKE (V/O)
Total control now. Tooling along
the main drag on a Saturday night
in Vegas, two good old boys in a
fire apple red convertible...
stoned, ripped, twisted... Good
people!

GONZO
How about "Nickel Nick's Slot
Arcade?" "Hot Slots," that sounds
heavy. Twenty-nine cent hotdogs...

DUKE
Look, what are we doing here? Are
we here to entertain ourselves, or
to do the job?

GONZO
To do the job, of course. Here we
go... a Crab Louie and quart of
muscatel for twenty dollars!

The Shark hits a bump.

GONZO
As your attorney I advise you to
drive over to the Tropicana and
pick up on Guy Lombardo. He's in
the Blue Room with his Royal
Canadians.

They hit another bump.

DUKE
Why?

GONZO
Why what?

CUT to wide shot. They are DRIVING AROUND IN CIRCLES in a
large casino parking lot, bumping over the dividers.

31.


DUKE
Why should I pay out my hard-earned
dollars to watch a fucking corpse.
I don't know about you, but in my
line of business it's important to
be Hep.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo attend the Mint 400 race, encounter strange characters and events, and get caught up in the madness.
Strengths "The scene is filled with absurdist humor and fun moments."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant plot developments and emotional depth."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 6

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in terms of its portrayal of American society and its use of absurdist humor. The characters are complex and unpredictable, adding to the unique atmosphere of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to figure out his next move and understand the situation he is in. He feels like he is in the middle of a race, but he doesn't know where to go or what to do.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to cover the race as a member of the sporting press. He also tries to misdirect the retired petty officers to chase after someone else so he doesn't get caught.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong due to the threat of the retired petty officers and their machine gun mount. Their unpredictable behavior and tense atmosphere add to the challenge faced by the protagonist.

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 4

Unpredictability: 9

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected behavior of the characters, such as the retired petty officers and the absurd dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 4

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 9

The scene is engaging due to its unpredictable characters and humorous tone. The reader is drawn into the chaotic atmosphere of the desert and Las Vegas.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension with the retired petty officers before quickly releasing it through a humorous misdirection.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action and dialogue descriptions that contribute to the atmosphere.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard structure for a comedic screenplay. It builds tension with the retired petty officers before releasing it with a humorous misdirection towards the end.


Critique The scene has a few strengths but several weaknesses as well. The setting is established clearly - a desert - and the dialogue sets up some tense moments between the characters. However, there are some aspects of the scene that could be improving.

Firstly, it would be helpful to have a clearer introduction to the characters and their motivations. The audience is thrown into a scene with two characters, but without any context as to who they are or why they are in the desert. Secondly, the dialogue between the two characters feels stilted and forced, lacking the natural flow of conversation. There could be more nuance in the dialogue to help develop the characters and their relationships.

Finally, while the scene sets up some tension with the appearance of a dune buggy, it doesn't have a clear plot or narrative direction. It's unclear where the scene is going, and what the overall purpose of the scene is. Ultimately, the scene needs to have more of a clear structure and purpose to drive the plot forward.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Clarify the purpose of the scene: This scene seems to serve the purpose of establishing the wild, chaotic atmosphere of the desert and Vegas, but it could benefit from a clearer objective. Is this scene meant to show the characters' personality and motives, or advance the plot in some way?

2. Shorten the scene: While the scene does a good job of painting a vivid picture of the environment, it runs a bit long and could benefit from some tightening. For example, the song lyrics and descriptions of the dune buggy could be shortened without losing anything crucial.

3. Add conflict: The scene could benefit from some added conflict to make it more engaging. Perhaps the dune buggy encounter could be more high-stakes, with the characters in danger. Or, the characters could be arguing about the best course of action for covering the race.

4. Give the characters clearer objectives: While the characters seem to be aimlessly driving around, giving them clearer objectives could make the scene more dynamic. Perhaps they need to find a specific location or person, or they're running from someone.

5. Emphasize character development: The scene could use more moments of character development, such as showing the characters' motivations for covering the race, or delving into their personal issues and conflicts. This will help the audience connect more with the characters and become more invested in their journey.



Scene 13 - Parking Lot Bribes and Scintillating Entertainers
EXT. DESERT ROOM HOTEL - NIGHT

TWO BIG SCREAMING FACES.

DOORMAN #1
What the hell are you doing?!

DOORMAN #2
You can't park here!

DUKE
Why not? Is this not a reasonable
place to park?
Reveal the RED SHARK parked on the sidewalk in front of the
Desert Inn. TWO DOORMEN loom over the car hood. The
MARQUEE says: TONIGHT. DEBBIE REYNOLDS.

GONZO leaps from the car, waving a five-dollar bill at the
DOORMAN.

GONZO
We want this car parked! We drove
all the way from L.A. for this show.
We're friends of Debbie's.

A pause, then... the DOORMAN pockets the bill, hands them a
parking stub. DUKE and GONZO hurry into the hotel.

INT. DESERT FROM HOTEL LOBBY - NIGHT

DUKE and GONZO walk through the lobby. Black, mirrored,
sleek, classy.

DUKE
Holy shit! They almost had us
there! That was quick thinking.

GONZO
What do you expect? I'm your
attorney. You owe me five bucks.
I want it now.

DUKE shrugs and hands over the $5.

32.


DUKE (V/O)
This was Bob Hope's turf. Frank
Sinatra's. Spiro Agnew's. It
seemed inappropriate to be haggling
about nickel/dime bribes for the
parking lot attendant.

A WINE-COLORED TUXEDO stops them at the entrance to the
ballroom.

WINE-COLORED TUXEDO
Sorry, full house.

GONZO
Goddamnit, we drove all the way
from L.A.

WINE-COLORED TUXEDO
I said there are no seats left...
at any price.

GONZO
Fuck seats! We're old friends of
Debbie's. I used to romp with her.

GONZO and the WINE-COLORED TUXEDO get into an ugly arm-
waving negotiation.

DUKE (V/O)
After a lot of bad noise, he let us
in for nothing provided we would
stand quietly at the back and not
smoke.

As DUKE and GONZO disappear through the door we can hear the
orchestra blasting out a HIGHLY BLANDIZED "SGT. PEPPER'S
LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND."

A beat.

The door flies open and BOUNCERS manhandle DUKE and GONZO
out. Despite the rough treatment they're both SCREECHING
WITH LAUGHTER.

GONZO
Jesus creeping shit!

DUKE
(tears streaming)
Did the mescaline just kick in? Or
was that Debbie Reynolds in a
silver Afro wig?!

33.


GONZO
(in hysteria)
We wandered into a fucking time
capsule!

EXT. LAS VEGAS STREETS - NIGHT

DUKE DRIVES FAST into the night. They're both LAUGHING
HYSTERICALLY.

DUKE
(in hysteria)
We wandered into a fucking time
capsule!
THEN... GONZO finds a TINY TEAR IN HIS JACKET...

GONZO
What's this?...

GONZO is instantly MOROSE.

GONZO
That scum...

GONZO twists round in the car -- SCREAMS back into the night.

GONZO
SCUM! I know where you live! I'll
find you and burn down your fucking
house!

EXT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS - NIGHT

A hundred foot high neon clown: BAZOOKO CIRCUS.

The RED SHARK pulls up beneath the sign.

DUKE
This is the place. They'll never
fuck with us here.

GONZO
Where's the ether? This mescaline
isn't working.
Genres: ["Comedy"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo try to park their car. They bribe the two doormen and get a parking stub. They then attempt to get into a Debbie Reynolds show and, after some back and forth, they are let in for free as long as they stand at the back and do not smoke. It turns out to be a surreal experience. They then drive to the Bazooko Circus where they try to find some ether.
Strengths "Humorous, whimsical tone; playful dialogue; unique and unconventional setting and characters; memorable imagery."
Weaknesses "Lack of character development; minimal plot progression."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 6


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 6

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. The setting of Las Vegas and the actions of the characters are consistent with similar depictions in popular culture, but the use of specific details like the Marquee for Debbie Reynolds' show and the negotiation with the wine-colored tuxedo add a fresh approach to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the unique style and voice of the writer.


Character Development

Characters: 6

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 5

There is no clear internal goal for the protagonist in this scene beyond experiencing the antics and unpredictability of the night.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to get into Debbie Reynolds' show at the Desert Inn and watch the performance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the protagonist facing obstacles in getting into Debbie Reynolds' show but ultimately succeeding through the use of quick thinking and bribes.

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the characters act in unexpected ways and the audience is uncertain about the outcome of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no clear philosophical conflict evident in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it establishes a sense of chaos and unpredictability that draws the audience in and sets the tone for the rest of the narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and creating an atmosphere of chaos and unpredictability.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows expected conventions for its genre with clear scene descriptions, character dialogue, and transitions between settings.

Structure: 7

The structure of this scene follows expected conventions for its genre by establishing the setting and narrative conflict as the characters try to gain entrance to Debbie Reynolds' show.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and entertaining. The dialogue between the characters feels natural and adds to their personalities. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

First, the scene lacks clear visual descriptions. While some details are given, such as the location of the parked car and the appearance of the hotel lobby, there are no clear descriptions of the characters or their actions. Adding more visual details would help immerse the reader into the scene.

Second, the scene could benefit from more action and conflict. While there is some negotiation with the doormen and the wine-colored tuxedo, these conflicts are quickly resolved. Adding more tension and obstacles for the characters to overcome would make the scene more engaging.

Overall, this scene has potential but could be improved with more visual descriptions and added conflict.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the chaotic, drug-fueled nature of the characters. However, there are a few suggestions to improve it:

- Add more description to the setting. While the Desert Room Hotel and the Bazooko Circus are given some imagery, more details could be added to really immerse the audience in the location. For example, what does the lobby of the hotel look like besides being "black, mirrored, sleek, and classy"? Adding more description can help paint a more vivid picture for the audience.
- Make the dialogue more concise and impactful. While the dialogue between the doormen and the characters is effective in showing their nonchalance and quick thinking, some of the lines feel a bit clunky and could be cut down to make a stronger impact. For example, instead of "You owe me five bucks. I want it now," perhaps Gonzo could simply say, "Pay up, Duke." This would make the exchange feel more natural and less stilted.
- Use more active verbs. While the scene is well-written, some of the verbs used are a bit passive and could be more active to add more energy to the scene. For example, instead of "A pause, then... the doorman pockets the bill," perhaps try "The doorman snatches the bill from Gonzo's hand and hands them a parking stub without a word." This small change adds more action and urgency to the scene.
- Consider adding more sensory details. While the scene is focused on dialogue and action, adding more sensory details can help immerse the audience even more. For example, describing the smell of the desert air or the sound of the orchestra playing in the ballroom can help paint a more complete picture of the scene. Additionally, using sensory details can help add more tension or humor to the scene, depending on what the characters are experiencing.



Scene 14 - Into the Bazooko Circus
EXT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS CASINO - NIGHT

Into the GLARING, CHASING LIGHTS of the entrance canopy
steps DUKE in EC/U holding a KLEENEX SOAKED IN ETHER TO HIS
NOSE.

34.


DUKE (V/O)
Ah, devil ether. It makes you
behave like the village drunkard in
some early Irish novel... total
loss of all basic motor skills;
blurred vision, no balance, numb
tongue --
(throws away kleenex)
The mind recoils in horror, unable
to communicate with the spinal
column. Which is interesting,
because you can actually watch
yourself behaving in this terrible
way, but you can't control it.

DUKE and GONZO approach the entrance with elaborate care-
taking one step at a time -- trying to keep ahead of the drug.

DUKE (V/O)
You approach the turnstiles and
know that when you get there, you
have to give the man two dollars or
he won't let you inside... but when
you get there, everything goes wrong.

THE ETHER KICKS IN:

DUKE and GONZO BOUNCE off the walls, CRASH into OLD LADIES,
GIGGLE HELPLESSLY as they try to pay -- HANDS FLAPPING
CRAZILY, unable to get money out of their pockets.

DUKE (V/O)
Some angry Rotarian shoves you and
you think: What's happening here?
What's going on? Then you hear
yourself mumbling.

DUKE
(mumbling)
Dogs fucked the Pope, no fault of
mine. Watch out!... Why money? My
name is Brinks; I was born... Born?

GONZO
Get sheep over side... women and
children to armored car... orders
from Captain Zeep.

The ATTENDANTS indulgently escort them through the TURNSTILES.

35.


DUKE (V/O)
Ether is the perfect drug for Las
Vegas. In this town they love a
drunk. Fresh meat. So they put us
through the turnstiles and turned
us loose inside.

INT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS CASINO - NIGHT

Flames shoot up from below the casino. Above, a HIGH WIRE
ACT with FOUR MUZZLED WOLVERINES, SIX NYMPHET SISTERS FROM
SAN DIEGO, TWO SILVER PAINTED POLACK BROTHERS, and THREE
KOREAN KITTENS.

The WOLVERINE chases a NYMPHET through the air. TWO POLACKS
swing at it from opposite sides and they are instantly
locked in a death battle.

All plummet to the nets suspended over the GAMBLING TABLES
and SLOT MACHINES. No one looks up. The GAMBLERS REMAIN
INTENT ON THE SPINNING ROULETTE WHEEL, THE TURN OF THE CARD,
THE ROLL OF A DICE.

DUKE (V/O)
Bazooko Circus is what the whole
hep world would be doing Saturday
night if the Nazis had won the war.
This was the Sixth Reich.

Something causes DUKE to look down. A dwarf carrying drinks
on a tray is tugging DUKE's pants leg trying to get him to
move out of the way.

DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
A drug person can learn to cope
with things like seeing their dead
grandmother crawling up their leg
with a knife in her teeth but,
nobody should be asked to handle
this trip.

GONZO and DUKE go upstairs walking past funhouse booths.
One of them is manned by an orangutan in costume. A
FAIRGROUND BARKER grabs DUKE.

FAIRGROUND BARKER
Stand in front of this fantastic
machine, my friend. For just 99
cents your likeness will appear 200
hundred feet tall on a screen above
downtown Las Vegas.

On a TV monitor a 200 FOOT HIGH DRUNKARD looms over the Las
Vegas skyline screaming OBSCENITIES.

36.


FAIRGROUND BARKER
99 cents more for a voice message.
Say whatever you want, fella.
They'll hear you, don't worry about
that. Remember, you'll be 200 feet
tall!

ANOTHER BARKER
Step right up! Shoot the pasties
off the nipples of this ten-foot
bull-dyke and win a cotton candy
goat!
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama","Adventure"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo enter the Bazooko Circus, a surreal and chaotic world filled with bizarre characters and events. The effects of the ether they've ingested cause them to behave erratically and struggle to pay for admission. The scene concludes with them being bombarded by unusual and disturbing sights and sounds.
Strengths
  • Vivid and memorable setting
  • Surreal and humorous tone
  • Creative and distinct use of characterization
Weaknesses
  • Lack of clear conflict or progression in the plot

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 9

Plot: 7

Originality: 9

The scene's use of surreal and fantastical elements, as well as its interpretation of casino culture, make it highly original. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and natural in its drug-fueled madness.


Character Development

Characters: 7

Character Changes: 3

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to cope with the effects of the drug he has taken and navigate the chaotic casino environment.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to pay the entrance fee and enter the casino.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 6

The protagonist faces minor opposition in the form of paying the entrance fee, but the primary conflict is internal.

High Stakes: 4

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 10

The scene is highly unpredictable, with the characters' actions and the surreal elements constantly surprising the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The conflict is between the protagonist's desire for the drug-induced experience and the chaos and unpredictability that comes with it and the societal norms and constraints that he must navigate.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 6

Engagement: 9

The scene's surreal imagery and fast-paced action keep the audience engaged throughout.

Pacing: 9

The scene's fast-paced action and surreal imagery contribute to its effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene uses standard screenplay formatting with clear descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a chronological sequence of events with clear action and dialogue.


Critique This scene from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is a prime example of the screenwriting style that matches its content. The writer, Terry Gilliam, captures the hallucinogenic and chaotic nature of the situation by using visual and physical descriptions. The opening description immerses the viewer in the setting with the bright and overwhelming lights. The dialogue is used to express the effects of the drug, ether, in a humorous way. The characters' actions and physical movements also emphasize the effects of the drug.

One potential critique is that the overall scene lacks structure and coherence. It seems to jump from one image and idea to the next without any clear direction, making it difficult for the viewer to follow. However, this may be intentional and reflective of the disorienting experiences depicted in the film.

Overall, the scene effectively captures the tone and style of the film while also adding to character development and plot progression. It is a prime example of how screenwriting can enhance the visual and auditory aspects of a film.
Suggestions 1. Develop the characters more: While the scene is entertaining, it doesn't provide much depth or development of the characters. Consider adding more dialogue or showing their personalities and motivations through their actions and interactions with others in the scene.

2. Simplify the action: The action in the scene can be difficult to visualize and follow. Simplify it by breaking it down into smaller, more concise actions that can be clearly portrayed on screen.

3. Consider pacing: The scene may be too long or too short in relation to the rest of the script. Consider adding or removing elements to improve the overall pacing and keep the audience engaged.

4. Make descriptions more vivid: The descriptions of the setting and actions could be more vivid to help bring the scene to life. Consider using more descriptive language and sensory details to engage the audience's imagination.

5. Clarify the purpose of the scene: While the scene is amusing, it may not contribute much to the overall plot or character development. Consider clarifying the purpose of the scene and how it fits into the larger story to ensure it has a clear reason for being included in the script.



Scene 15 - The Bazooko Circus
INT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS REVOLVING MERRY-GO-ROUND BAR - NIGHT

DUKE and GONZO sit on the revolving platform. GONZO
stares -- glassy eyed -- coming apart.

GONZO
I hate to say this, but this place
is getting to me. I think I'm
getting The Fear.

DUKE
Nonsense. We came here to find the
American Dream, and now we're right
in the vortex you want to quit.
You must realize that we've found
the Main Nerve.

GONZO
That's what gives me The Fear.

DUKE
Look over there. Two women fucking
a Polar Bear.

GONZO
Please, don't tell me those things...
Not now.
(signals the waitress
for two Wild Turkeys)
This is my last drink. How much
money can you lend me?

DUKE
Not much. Why?

GONZO
I have to go.

DUKE
GO?

37.
GONZO
Yes. Leave the country. Tonight.

DUKE
Calm down. You'll be straight in a
few hours.

GONZO
No. This is serious. One more
hour in this town and I'll kill
somebody!

DUKE
OK. I'll lend you some money.
Let's go outside and see how much
we have left.

GONZO
Can we make it?

DUKE
That depends on how many people we
fuck with between here and the door.

GONZO
I want to leave fast.

DUKE
OK. Lets pay this bill and get up
very slowly. It's going to be a
long walk.
(signals waitress who
comes over)


GONZO
(suddenly to waitress)
Do they pay you to screw that bear?

WAITRESS
What?

DUKE
He's just kidding.
(to GONZO)
Come on, Doc -- lets go downstairs
and gamble.

GONZO trembles with fear -- walks to the edge of the
turntable.
GONZO
When does this thing stop?

38.


DUKE
It won't stop. It's not ever going
to stop.

DUKE carefully steps off the turntable.

GONZO, eyes staring blindly ahead, squiting in fear and
confusion, rooted to the spot, is carried away.

DUKE
Don't move you'll come around.

DUKE reaches out to grab GONZO, who jumps back -- keeps
going around.

The BARTENDER narrows his eyes at them.

DUKE steps onto the merry-go-round -- hurries round the
bar -- approaching GONZO from the blind side and shoves
GONZO from behind. GONZO goes down with a hellish scream.
DUKE approaches him with his hands in the air. Smiling.

DUKE
You fell. Let's go.

GONZO refuses to move and stands tense, fists clenched,
looking for somebody to hit...an old woman perhaps?

DUKE (CONT'D)
OK. You stay here and go to jail.
I'm leaving.

DUKE walks fast towards the stairs. GONZO catches up with
him.

GONZO
Did you see that? Some sonofabitch
kicked me in the back.

DUKE
Probably the bartender. He wanted
to stomp you for what you said to
the waitress.

GONZO
Good God! Let's get out of here!
Where's the elevator?

DUKE
(turning him in the
opposite direction)
Don't go near that elevator.
That's just what they want us to
do... trap us in a steel box and
take us down to the basement.

39.


EXT. BAZOOKO CIRCUS CASINO - NIGHT

DUKE and GONZO stumble out of the entrance.

DUKE
Don't run. They'd like any excuse
to shoot us.

GONZO
(in an extended fall)
You drive! I think there's
something wrong with me.

INT. MINT HOTEL CORRIDOR OUTSIDE THEIR SUITE - NIGHT

DUKE AND GONZO RUN MADLY DOWN THE CORRIDOR... DUKE TAKING
CARE NOT TO STEP ON THE PATTERNED PART OF THE CARPET.

GONZO STRUGGLES with the key in the lock.

GONZO
Those bastards have changed the
lock on us. They probably searched
the room. Jesus, we're finished!

The door SUDDENLY SWINGS OPEN. DUKE AND GONZO fall inside.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo experience hallucinations during their visit to the Bazooko Circus, leading to Gonzo getting overwhelmed with fear and wanting to leave the country. They try to leave, but encounter obstacles at the bar and struggle to get into their hotel room.
Strengths
  • Surreal and chaotic environment
  • The use of ether-induced hallucinations to convey the characters' experiences
  • Humorous dialogue and character interactions
Weaknesses
  • The scene feels disjointed and meandering at times

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high, as it combines elements of surrealism and dark humor in a unique way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also contributes to the sense of originality, as they behave in ways that are both unexpected and consistent with their personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to manage his fear and anxiety while under the influence of drugs. This reflects his deeper desire for adventure and excitement, but also his fear of losing control and potentially harming himself or others.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to leave the circus and get to safety outside. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating through a chaotic and unfamiliar environment while under the influence of drugs.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters must navigate through a chaotic and unfamiliar environment while under the influence of drugs. There is also a philosophical conflict between the characters' desire for adventure and their fear of the consequences.

High Stakes: 6

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because it features unexpected actions and dialogue from the characters, as well as surreal and chaotic imagery. The viewer is unsure of what will happen next, which contributes to the sense of tension and unease.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Duke and Gonzo's desire for adventure and their fear of the unknown and unpredictable consequences of their actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 8

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it conveys a sense of tension and unease through the combination of surrealism, humor, and drug-induced paranoia. The characters' internal and external goals are clear, and the dialogue and actions build towards a satisfying climax.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in conveying the characters' emotional states, with a slow build-up towards the climax and a satisfying resolution. The dialogue and actions are well-timed to create a sense of tension and unease.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear indications of locations, character movements, and dialogue. The scene is easy to read and follow.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear actions and dialogue that build towards a climax. There is a clear beginning, middle, and end, and the pacing is effective in conveying the characters' emotional states.


Critique Overall, this scene from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" is well-written and effectively conveys the dreamlike, chaotic nature of the story. The dialogue between Duke and Gonzo is clever and witty, capturing their unique personalities and relationship. The use of sensory detail, such as Gonzo's glassy eyes and trembling, creates a vivid image of their state of mind. Additionally, the action (such as the chase through the casino) is well-paced and engaging.

One potential critique is that the scene could benefit from more description of the setting to enhance the surreal atmosphere. For example, the revolving platform of the Bazooko Circus bar could be described in more detail to fully capture its bizarre nature.

Overall, however, this scene is a strong example of effective screenwriting that successfully conveys the tone and themes of the story.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the characters' drug-induced paranoia and fear. However, here are a few suggestions for improvement:

- Try to break up the dialogue and action more. The scene currently feels dense and wordy, with long blocks of dialogue and few moments of action or pauses. Consider breaking up some of the dialogue with descriptive action beats or reactions from the characters, which will make the scene more visually interesting and give the audience some breathing room.

- Consider tightening up the scene's pacing. Some of the dialogue and actions feel repetitive or meandering, which can drag down the scene's momentum. Consider trimming down some of the back-and-forth between Duke and Gonzo, or finding ways to heighten the tension and urgency of the scene.

- Look for opportunities to inject some humor and levity into the scene. While the fear and paranoia is effective, the scene could benefit from a few moments of comedic relief to balance things out. This could come from the dialogue or action, or even through non-verbal cues like facial expressions and body language. Adding some humor will also help give the audience a chance to connect with the characters and invest in their journey.



Scene 16 - Hotel Room Paranoia
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT

GONZO
Bolt everything! Use all chains!

DUKE locks the door. The suite is crowded with ROOM SERVICE
GOODIES. DUKE turns to see GONZO staring at two hotel room
keys. EVERYTHING STOPS.

GONZO
Where did this one come from?
DUKE snatches a key.

DUKE
That's Lacerda's room.

GONZO smiles a slow smile...

GONZO
Yeah... I thought we might need it...

DUKE
What for?

GONZO snatches the key back.

40.


GONZO
Let's go up there and blast him out
of bed with the fire hose.

DUKE
No, we should leave the poor
bastard alone. I get the feeling
that he's avoiding us for some
reason.

GONZO
Don't kid yourself. That Portuguese
son of a bitch is dangerous. He's
watching us like a hawk.

DUKE
He told me he was turning in early...

GONZO utters an anguished cry -- slaps the wall with both
hands.

GONZO
That dirty bastard! I knew it!
He's got hold of my woman!

DUKE
(laughing)
That little blonde groupie with the
film crew? You think he sodomized
her?

GONZO
That's right, laugh about it! You
goddamn honkies are all the same!
GONZO SLASHES A GRAPEFRUIT with a HUGE RAZOR SHARP HUNTING
KNIFE. DUKE blanches.

DUKE
Where'd you get that knife?

GONZO SLICES THE GRAPEFRUIT -- MANIACAL.

GONZO
Room service sent it up. I wanted
something to cut the limes.

GONZO SLICES THE GRAPEFRUIT -- INTO EIGHTHS!

DUKE
What limes?

GONZO SLICES -- SIXTEENTHS!

41.


GONZO
They didn't have any. They don't
grow in the desert.

SLICE! SLICE! SLICE!

GONZO
That dirty toad bastard! I knew I
should have taken him out when I
had the chance. Now he has her.

SLICE! SLICE! SLICE! GONZO SLASHES INSANELY!

DUKE watches -- straight-faced.

DUKE (V/O)
I remember the girl. We'd had a
problem with her in the elevator a
few hours earlier: my attention had
made a fool of himself.

INT. ELEVATOR - DAY (FLASHBACK)

An elevator door opens to reveal the SMILING FACES OF
LACERDA, THE BLONDE TV REPORTER AND HER CREW.

DUKE and GONZO stagger in.

LACERDA drops his smile. He's standing beside the BLONDE TV
REPORTER. A trembling GONZO moonily turns his eyes onto her.

BLONDE TV REPORTER
(to Gonzo)
You must be a rider. What class
are you in?

GONZO
Class? What the fuck do you mean?

BLONDE TV REPORTER
What do you ride? We're filming
the race for a TV series -- maybe
we can use you.

GONZO
Use me?

DUKE (V/O)
Mother of God, I thought. Here it
comes.

GONZO is TREMBLING BADLY. There's a moment of uncomfortable
silence.

42.


GONZO
(suddenly shouting)
I ride the BIG ONES! The really
BIG fuckers!

GONZO shows his teeth to LACERDA. DUKE laughs trying to
defuse the scene.

DUKE
The Vincent Black Shadow. We're
with the Factory Team.

TV CAMERAMAN
Bullshit.

GONZO stills -- becomes dangerous -- zeros in on the TV
CAMERAMAN -- groin to groin...

GONZO
Wait a minute, pardon me lady, but
I think there's some kind of
ignorant chicken-sucker in this car
who needs his face cut open. You
cheap honky faggots! Which one of
you wants to get cut?!

DEAD SILENCE.

Ding! The elevator door opens, but nobody moves. The door
closes.

Next floor. Ding! The door opens again. A middle-aged
couple start to get in. Change their minds. The door closes.

INT. CORRIDOR - DAY

DUKE and GONZO run down the corridor. GONZO LAUGHS WILDLY.

GONZO
Spooked! They were spooked! Like
rats in a death cage!

INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - DAY

DUKE and GONZO CRASH into their hotel suite -- BOLT THE DOOR.
GONZO stops laughing.

GONZO
Goddamn. It's serious now. That
girl understood. She fell in love
with me.

END FLASHBACK.

43.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo retreat to their Mint Hotel suite, where their drug-induced paranoia reaches new heights. Gonzo accuses Lacerda of stealing his blonde groupie and threatens violence, all while wielding a hunting knife. Duke recalls an earlier encounter with the blonde TV reporter, which only adds to Gonzo's paranoia.
Strengths "The scene is full of tension and humor, resulting in a memorable and entertaining experience."
Weaknesses "Some of the chaotic elements of the scene may be difficult to follow or understand."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 7


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 8

The scene is fairly original in terms of the situations and the characters' actions and dialogue. The use of a fire hose to blast someone out of bed is a unique approach to an old trope. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 5

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal is not explicitly stated in this scene, but it can be inferred that Duke wants to avoid getting into trouble with Lacerda.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to decide what to do with Lacerda's hotel room key. Gonzo wants to use it to blast Lacerda out of bed with a fire hose, while Duke wants to leave Lacerda alone.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong because the characters have different opinions on what to do with Lacerda's hotel room key. The audience does not know how the situation will end.

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 10

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' irrational behavior. The audience does not know how the situation will escalate or how it will end.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no philosophical conflict evident in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the unpredictable behavior of the characters and the chaotic atmosphere. The use of vulgar and offensive language also adds to the engagement level of the scene.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense. The flashback provides a break from the chaotic atmosphere and allows the audience to understand the characters' motivations and actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre. The dialogue is properly formatted, and there are clear scene headings and character descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected structure for its genre. It starts with a setting description and ends with a flashback that provides context for the characters' actions and dialogue.


Critique Overall, the scene is well written in terms of dialogue and character development. The dynamic between Gonzo and Duke is established in a way that is believable and helps move the plot forward.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

First, the scene is very dialogue-heavy and could benefit from some visual description to break up the dialogue and add more depth to the setting. For example, the crowded suite could be described in more detail, as well as the grapefruit that Gonzo is slicing.

Second, some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and could be more subtle. For example, when Duke asks "What limes?" after Gonzo mentions wanting something to cut the limes, it feels like too direct of a setup for Gonzo's crazed chopping.

Overall, the scene does a good job of introducing characters and building tension, but could benefit from some added visual description and more subtle dialogue.
Suggestions As a screenwriting AI language model, I do not have personal opinions. However, here are some suggestions to improve the scene:
- Consider adding more visual descriptions to help set the scene and create a clearer image in the reader's mind.
- The dialogue could be trimmed down to be more concise and impactful.
- The grapefruit scene could be shortened or made more significant to the plot.
- The flashback could be integrated more smoothly into the current scene.



Scene 17 - Drug-Induced Paranoia
INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT

SLICE! SLICE! SLICE! GONZO with the BIG HUNTING KNIFE --
sliced grapefruit segments everywhere.

GONZO
Let's go up there and castrate that
fucker!

GONZO pauses -- A MAD THOUGHT -- turns to DUKE.

GONZO
(squinting suspiciously)
Have you made a deal with him? Did
you put him on to her?

DUKE
(backing slowly
towards the door)
Look you better put that blade away
and get your head straight. I have
to put the car in the lot.

DUKE (V/O)
One of the things you learn, after
years of dealing with drug people,
is that you can turn your back on a
person, but never turn your back on
a drug. Especially when it's
waving a razor-sharp hunting knife
in your eyes.

INT. CASINO/LOBBY MINT HOTEL

The MAGAZINE REPORTER is on the telephone.

MAGAZINE REPORTER
Las Vegas at dawn. The racers are
still asleep, the dust is still on
the desert, fifty thousand dollars
in prize money, slumbers darkly in
the office safe at Del Webb's
fabulous Mint Hotel...

DUKE walks past the REPORTER -- into THE CASINO, THE SAD,
MEAGRE CROWDS AROUND THE CRAP TABLES. No joy. DUKE watches.

DUKE (V/O)
Who are these people? These faces!
Where do they come from? They look
like caricatures of used car
dealers from Dallas.
(MORE)

44.


DUKE (V/O; CONT'D)
And, sweet Jesus, there are a hell
of a lot of them at four-thirty on
a Monday morning. Still humping
the American dream, that vision of
the big winner somehow emerging
from the last minute predawn chaos
of a stale Vegas casino.

DUKE stops at the Money Wheel, puts down a two dollar bill
on a number, the wheel turns, he loses.

DUKE
You bastards!
DUKE (V/O)
No. Calm down. Learn to ENJOY
losing.

INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT

DUKE walks back into the room. We hear the LOUD STRAINS OF
THREE DOG NIGHT'S "JOY TO THE WORLD."

He walks to the bathroom and opens the door.

INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE BATHROOM - NIGHT

Submerged in green water, GONZO WALLOWS in the steaming tub.
Soap labels and grapefruit rinds float on the surface. A
large empty pack of Neutrogena soap lies on the floor. The
shower is on -- the tub overflowing. THE TAPE RECORDER
PLAYS, from where it's plugged into the razor socket over
the sink.

DUKE turns off the shower -- notices a HUGE HUNK OF CHEWED
UP WHITE BLOTTER.

DUKE
You ate ALL THIS ACID?

No answer.

DUKE
(turning down the volume)
You evil son of a bitch. You
better hope there's some Thorazine
in that bag, because if there's
not, you're in bad trouble.

GONZO
Music! Turn it up. Put that tape
on.

45.


DUKE
What tape?

GONZO
Jefferson Airplane. "White Rabbit."
I want a rising sound.

DUKE
You're doomed. I'm leaving here in
two hours and then they're going to
come up here and beat the mortal
shit out of you with big saps.
Right there in that tub.

GONZO
I dig my own graves. Green water
and the White Rabbit. Put it on.

DUKE
OK. But do me one last favor, will
you. Can you give me two hours?
That's all I ask -- just two hours
to sleep before tomorrow. I
suspect it's going to be a very
difficult day.

He switches on the tape. "WHITE RABBIT" begins to build.

GONZO
(coolly)
Of course, I'm your attorney, I'll
give you all the time you need, at
my normal rates: $45 an hour -- but
you'll be wanting a cushion, so,
why don't you just lay one of those
$100 bills down there beside the
radio, and fuck off?

DUKE
How about a check?

GONZO
Whatever's right.

DUKE moves the radio as far from the tub as he can and
leaves, closing the door behind him.

INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT

DUKE goes across to the sofa and crashes -- exhausted.
Suddenly a great ripping and crashing noise in the bathroom.

GONZO (V/O)
Help! You bastard! I need help!

46.


DUKE JUMPS up -- crosses to the bathroom door, muttering.

DUKE
Shit, he's killing himself!
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo's drug-induced paranoia reaches new heights as they return to their hotel suite, leading to Gonzo accusing Lacerda of stealing his blonde groupie and threatening violence with a hunting knife. Duke recalls an earlier encounter with the blonde TV reporter, which only adds to Gonzo's paranoia.
Strengths "The dialogue is witty and adds to the surreal and tense tone of the scene. The drug-induced hallucinations and paranoia create a unique and memorable moment. The conflict is high and emotionally impactful."
Weaknesses "The scene may be too chaotic and confusing for some viewers who are not familiar with the source material. Some of the character actions may seem random or nonsensical."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 7

Originality: 8

The scene is fairly original in its approach to depicting drug use and addiction in Las Vegas. The characters and their actions feel authentic and believable, and the world they inhabit is both surreal and grounded in reality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to survive the chaotic world of drugs and gambling in Las Vegas. He is struggling to maintain his grip on reality and resist the influence of the drugs around him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince his unhinged friend to calm down and stop threatening violence. He is also trying to win money at the casino, although he is not successful.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist must navigate the dangerous and unpredictable behavior of his unhinged friend.

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 7

While the scene is fairly predictable in terms of its structure and pacing, the unpredictable behavior of the characters keeps the reader on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between the characters' desire to escape their mundane lives and the dangers and consequences of drug use and addiction. The protagonist is struggling to find a balance between enjoying the chaos and avoiding the risks.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the vivid descriptions, frenzied dialogue, and darkly comedic tone. The tension between the characters is palpable, and the reader is drawn into their chaotic world.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and establishing the characters' desires and objectives.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear and concise descriptions of the characters and settings.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with dialogue and action alternating and building tension towards the climax.


Critique The scene starts off with a strong visual image of Gonzo slicing grapefruit, but it quickly becomes confusing as the dialogue jumps from castrating someone to making deals with them. The transition is not clear and the dialogue could benefit from some clarification. The use of voiceover narration helps to give some context to what Duke is thinking and feeling, but it is sometimes excessive. The bathroom scene at the end of the scene is a bit disjointed and rushed, and the dialogue could use some tightening. Overall, the scene has some strong moments but could benefit from some more cohesive storytelling and clearer dialogue.
Suggestions This scene appears to be disjointed and lacking clarity in terms of character actions and motivations. Here are some suggestions to improve it:

1. Clarify the conflict: It's not entirely clear why Gonzo wants to castrate someone and what this has to do with the larger plot. Giving more context and motivation for this action can help the audience understand what's at stake.

2. Establish character dynamics: The relationship between Gonzo and Duke is unclear, and their reactions to each other are confusing. Establishing their roles and dynamics within the story can help the audience understand the tension between them.

3. Simplify the setting: The scene jumps back and forth between the hotel room and the casino, which can be disorienting. Simplifying the setting and focusing on one location can help the audience follow the action more easily.

4. Use active verbs: The action in the scene is passive and lacks urgency. Using more active verbs and descriptive language can help create a sense of tension and excitement.

5. Tighten the dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels repetitive and unnecessary. Tightening up the lines and focusing on what's most important can help move the scene forward more quickly.



Scene 18 - Ether-Induced Paranoia
INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT

DUKE RUSHES IN. GONZO flails -- trying to reach the radio
with the shower curtain pole which he has ripped from its
mounts.

GONZO
(snarling)
I want that fucking radio!

DUKE GRABS THE RADIO.

DUKE
Don't touch it! Get back in that
tub!

GONZO
Back the tape up. I need it again!
Let it roll! Just as high as the
fucker can go! And when it comes
to that fantastic note where the
rabbit bites its own head off, I
want you to THROW THAT FUCKING
RADIO INTO THE TUB WITH ME!

DUKE stares down at GONZO.

DUKE
Not me. It would blast you through
the wall -- stone dead in ten
seconds and they'd make me explain
it!

GONZO
BULLSHIT! Don't make me use this.

HIS ARM LASHES OUT OF THE WATER, HOLDING THE KNIFE.

DUKE
Jesus.

GONZO
Do it! I want to get HIGHER!

DUKE considers this. He's had enough.

47.


DUKE
Okay. You're right. This is
probably the only solution.
(holds the PLUGGED IN
TAPE/RADIO over the tub)
Let me make sure I have it all
lined up. You want me to throw
this thing into the tub when "WHITE
RABBIT" peaks. Is that it?

GONZO falls back into the water, smiling gratefully.

GONZO
Fuck yes. I was beginning to think
I was going to have to go out and
get one of the goddamn maids to do
it.

DUKE
Are you ready?

He switches "WHITE RABBIT" back on. GONZO HOWLS AND MOANS
AND THRASHES TO THE MUSIC, straining to get over the top.

Meanwhile, DUKE picks up a grapefruit from the sink -- a
good two-pounder, he gets a grip on it... and when "WHITE
RABBIT" peaks... HE HURLS IT INTO THE TUB LIKE A CANNONBALL.

GONZO SCREAMS CRAZILY, THRASHING AND CHURNING -- CAUSING A
TIDAL WAVE.

DUKE JERKS THE RADIO CABLE OUT OF THE SOCKET -- SLAMS OUT OF
THE BATHROOM.

INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT

DUKE slumps onto the sofa.

SILENCE.

GONZO RIPS OPEN THE BATHROOM DOOR, his eyes unfocused. HE
WAVES THE RAZOR SHARP BLADE out in front of him -- LUNGES at
DUKE. DUKE WHIPS OUT A CAN OF MACE.

DUKE
MACE! YOU WANT THIS?

GONZO stops -- hisses.

GONZO
You bastard! You'd do that,
wouldn't you?
48.


DUKE
(laughs)
Why worry? You'll like it. Nothing
in the world like a Mace high.
Forty-five minutes on your knees
with the dry heaves...

GONZO
You cheap honky sonofabitch...

DUKE
Why not? Hell, just a minute ago,
you were asking me to kill you!
And now you want to kill me! What
I should do, goddamnit, is call the
police!

GONZO
The cops?

DUKE
There's no choice. I wouldn't dare
go to sleep with you wandering
around with a head full of acid and
wanting to slice me up with that
goddamn knife!

GONZO
(mumbles)
Who said anything about slicing you
up? I just wanted to carve a
little Z on your forehead. Nothing
serious.

GONZO shrugs and reaches for a cigarette on top of the TV set.

DUKE
(menaces him with the MACE)
Get back in that tub. Eat some
reds and try to calm down. Smoke
some grass, shoot some smack --
shit, do whatever you have to do,
but let me get some rest.

GONZO turns toward the bathroom -- suddenly sad.

GONZO
Hell, yes. You really need some
sleep. You have to work. Goddamn.
What a bummer. Try to rest. Don't
let me keep you up.

49.


GONZO shuffles back into the bathroom. DUKE wedges a chair
up against the bathroom doorknob and puts the mace can next
to the clock.

DUKE turns on the TV. WHITE NOISE FILLS THE ROOM. He
collapses onto the sofa and lights up his lightbulb as pipe.

DUKE (V/O)
Ignore the nightmare in the bathroom.
Just another ugly refugee from the
Love Generation.

The WHITE NOISE snow storm on the TV is reflected in his
face. The camera pulls back revealing THE ENTIRE WALL
BEHIND HIM TO BE SWIRLING WITH THE FIZZING SNOWSTORM PATTERN.

DUKE (V/O)
My attorney had never been able to
accept the notion -- often espoused
by former drug abusers -- that you
can get a lot higher without drugs
than with them. And neither have
I, for that matter.

The pattern on the wall changes to A 60'S VISCOUS OIL
LIGHTSHOW PATTERN. With DUKE still sitting in the
foreground, the projected image widens to reveal the interior
of A HAIGHT ASHBURY DANCE HALL full of DANCING PROTO-HIPPIES.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy","Psychological"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo's drug-induced paranoia reaches new heights as they return to their hotel suite, leading to Gonzo accusing Lacerda of stealing his blonde groupie and threatening violence with a hunting knife. Duke recalls an earlier encounter with the blonde TV reporter, which only adds to Gonzo's paranoia.
Strengths "The scene does an excellent job of showing the negative effects of drug abuse and drug-induced paranoia. The tension between Duke and Gonzo is palpable and creates a lot of conflict."
Weaknesses "The dialogue can be a bit random and hard to follow at times."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 9

The scene is original due to its use of surrealistic elements to create a tense atmosphere. The characters' actions and dialogue are authentic and believable, making the scene unique and fresh.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 8

Duke's internal goal is to manage the situation and maintain control over himself and Gonzo. He fears that Gonzo's behavior will escalate and harm himself or others.

External Goal: 9

Duke's external goal is to placate Gonzo and prevent him from causing harm. He does this by agreeing to throw the radio into the tub as requested by Gonzo.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Gonzo's erratic behavior and Duke's struggle to control him creating a sense of unpredictability and tension.

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 7

Unpredictability: 9

The scene is unpredictable because the characters' behavior is erratic and the dialogue is often nonsensical. The use of humor and surrealism adds to the sense of unpredictability and disorientation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is the debate between sobriety and drug use. Duke and Gonzo are both in favor of drug use, but Duke recognizes the danger of Gonzo's behavior. This conflict challenges the characters' beliefs and values about drug use.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 9

The scene is engaging because of the tension created by the characters' actions and the use of humor to break the tension. The surrealistic elements of the scene add to the sense of unpredictability and disorientation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining interest. The action and dialogue are paced well to create a sense of escalation and conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to read. It follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a traditional format, with clear action and dialogue. The use of dialogue and action effectively communicates the tension and conflict in the scene.


Critique First, it's important to note that this scene is from the film adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson's novel, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas." As such, it's important to consider how well the scene translated from written word to visual medium.

In terms of the scene itself, it's a chaotic yet comedic moment in which Duke and Gonzo are both high on drugs and engaged in a power struggle over the radio in the bathroom. It's clear that the scene is meant to convey the wildness and unpredictability of the drug-fueled world Thompson is writing about.

From a screenwriting perspective, the scene does a good job of moving the plot forward while also revealing more about the characters. It shows Duke as a resourceful and quick-witted character, but also one who is somewhat tired of Gonzo's erratic behavior. It also shows Gonzo as unhinged and dangerous, yet still funny in his own way.

One potential critique of the scene is that it can be difficult to follow the action at times. There are several moments where the characters are flailing and thrashing, which can be hard to visualize on screen. Additionally, the dialogue is frantic and sometimes hard to understand, which could be a problem for viewers who are not familiar with the source material.

Overall, however, the scene is a successful portrayal of the madness and absurdity of the drug culture Thompson was writing about. It helps to establish the tone and set the stage for the rest of the film.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is engaging and humorous. However, there are a few suggestions I have to improve it:

1) Clarify the setting - Is this taking place in a hotel room or somewhere else? If it is a hotel room, it needs to be made more apparent.

2) Increase the tension - While there is some tension between Duke and Gonzo, it could be heightened to add more suspense to the scene. Perhaps Gonzo should use the knife to make more explicit threats towards Duke.

3) Develop the characters more - While we get a sense of Duke and Gonzo's personalities, they could be further fleshed out. For example, what motivates Duke to throw the grapefruit instead of carrying out Gonzo's request to throw the radio in the tub?

4) Use more sensory detail - The scene is heavily dialogue-driven, but it could benefit from some visual and auditory descriptions to create a more vivid setting. For example, what does the bathroom look like? How does the "White Rabbit" music sound in the small space of the bathroom?

5) Enhance the transitions - The transition from Duke in the bathroom to him sitting on the couch and turning on the TV is a little abrupt. It could use some more seamless transitions to smooth out the scene.



Scene 19 - Drug-Induced Paranoia
INT. MATRIX CLUB - NIGHT

A slightly YOUNGER DUKE moves through the throng. All the
action is in a DREAMLIKE SLOW-MOTION.

DUKE (V/O)
I recall one night in the Matrix.
There I was -- a victim of the Drug
Explosion. A natural street freak,
just eating whatever came by.

A ROAD-PERSON with a big pack on his back is shouting. The
sound of his voice, like his movements, is in slow-motion.

ROAD-PERSON
Anybody want some L...S...D...? I
got all the makin's right here.
All I need is a place to cook.

The camera pushes right into the ROAD-PERSON's mouth.

INT. MATRIX MEN'S ROOM - NIGHT

Still in slow motion, the YOUNGER DUKE is trying to eat a
HUGE SPANSULE OF ACID. With difficulty.

50.


DUKE (V/O)
I decided to eat only half at first.
Good thinking. But I spilled the
rest on the sleeve of my red
Pendleton shirt.

DUKE stares at his sleeve, uncertain what to do. C/U of the
door to the men's room as a MUSICIAN enters speaking in
slow-motion.

MUSICIAN
What's the trouble?

DUKE
(also in slow-motion)
Well, all this white stuff on my
sleeve is LSD.

The MUSICIAN approaches and looks down at DUKE'S arm. A
long pause.

Cut back to tight shot of door as it opens and a very clean-
cut, PREPPY, STOCKBROKER TYPE enters. He freezes in horror.
We cut to his POV. DUKE is standing in the middle of the
men's room with the MUSICIAN hunkered down at his side...
sucking on his sleeve. A very gross tableau. The
STOCKBROKER slowly eases out of the room.

DUKE (V/O)
With a bit of luck his life was
ruined -- forever thinking that
just behind some narrow door in all
his favorite bars, men in red
Pendleton shirts are getting
incredible kicks from things he'll
never know.

INT. A BAR - YEARS LATER - NIGHT

The STOCKBROKER LOOKING CONSIDERABLY OLDER sits looking
lost, confused, a nervous wreck. The image flares out in a
TV white noise snowstorm.

INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT

DUKE sits staring at the TV.

51.


DUKE (V/O)
Strange memories on this nervous
night in Las Vegas.
(he gets up, pours
himself a drink)
Has it been five years? Six? It
seems like a lifetime -- the kind
of peak that never comes again.
San Francisco in the middle sixties
was a very special time and place
to be a part of. But no
explanation, no mix of words or
music or memories can touch that
sense of knowing that you were
there and alive in that corner of
time and the world. Whatever it
meant.

DUKE throws open the curtains. Light streams in.

EXT. 1965 STOCK FOOTAGE

We are in SAN FRANCISCO. IMAGES OF THE TIME FLOOD IN.

DUKE (V/O)
THERE WAS MADNESS IN ANY DIRECTION,
AT ANY HOUR... YOU COULD STRIKE
SPARKS ANYWHERE. THERE WAS A
FANTASTIC UNIVERSAL SENSE THAT
WHATEVER WE WERE DOING WAS RIGHT,
THAT WE WERE WINNING. AND THAT, I
THINK, WAS THE HANDLE -- THAT SENSE
OF INEVITABLE VICTORY OVER THE
FORCES OF OLD AND EVIL. NOT IN ANY
MEAN OR MILITARY SENSE; WE DIDN'T
NEED THAT. OUR ENERGY WOULD SIMPLY
prevail. We had all the momentum;
we were riding the crest of a high
and beautiful wave...

DUKE'S FACE IS SUFFUSED WITH A SADNESS AND SERENITY WE HAVE
NEVER SEEN BEFORE.
DUKE (V/O)
So now, less than five years later,
you can go up on a steep hill in
Las Vegas and look west, and with
the right kind of eyes you can
almost see the high water mark --
that place where the wave finally
broke and rolled back.

52.


The memories dissolve into the night skyline of Vegas.
Suddenly towering over the casinos is a 200 foot high Nazi
shouting "WOODSTOCK ÜBER ALLES!"

INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - NIGHT

DUKE closes the curtain. The room is in darkness again.

INT. MINT HOTEL SUITE - DAWN

A harsh door buzzer. DUKE jerks awake. Alone. Looking
like shit. Around him is the wreckage of their stay.

DUKE (V/O)
The decision to flee came suddenly.
Or maybe not.

DUKE opens the door to a BELL BOY with a trolley load of
fruit, drinks and flowers... and a smile.

BELL BOY
Room service!

The BELL BOY wheels the trolley across the room -- already
stacked with EVEN MORE BOXES OF GOODIES.

DUKE (V/O)
Maybe I'd planned it all along --
subconsciously waiting for the
right moment. The bill was a
factor, I think. Because I had no
money to pay for it.

DUKE slams the door -- starts FRANTICALLY PACKING.

DUKE (V/O)
Our room service tabs had been
running somewhere between $29 and
$36 per hour, for forty-eight
consecutive hours. Incredible.
How could it happen?

DUKE sees the DISCARDED WRAPPINGS OF EXPENSIVE, HAND TOOLED
LUGGAGE. A sudden thought. He rushes to GONZO's room --
empty. His plastic briefcase remains on the bed...

DUKE (V/O)
But by the time I asked this
question, there was no one around
to answer.

DUKE opens the briefcase -- finds the .357 MAGNUM inside.

53.


DUKE (V/O)
My attorney was gone. He must have
sensed trouble.

QUICK CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo's drug-induced paranoia reach new heights as they return to their hotel suite, leading to Gonzo accusing Lacerda of stealing his blonde groupie and threatening violence with a hunting knife. Duke recalls an earlier encounter with the blonde TV reporter, which only adds to Gonzo's paranoia.
Strengths
  • Intense characters
  • Tense dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of clear direction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 6

Plot: 7

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high. The writer combines elements of surrealism, humor, and drug culture to create a fresh perspective on the protagonist's inner turmoil. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and resonate with the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Character Changes: 7

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to escape Las Vegas and the chaos of his drug-fueled lifestyle before it ruins him. He reflects on his past and tries to make sense of his present.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal is to flee Las Vegas and avoid paying the outrageous bill he racked up with his drug-induced spending spree.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the primary challenge being the protagonist's attempts to flee from Las Vegas. However, the audience is unsure whether he will be successful or not, creating a sense of tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of its surreal and absurd imagery, which takes the audience by surprise and creates a sense of unease and confusion.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict depicts the protagonist's struggle to find meaning and purpose in his life. He reflects on his past experiences and wonders if he wasted his life pursuing drugs and destructive behaviors. He questions the consequences of his reckless lifestyle on his future.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

Dialogue: 7

Engagement: 10

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced rhythm, surreal imagery, and dark humor, which combine to create a unique and captivating story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective because it blends fast-paced action with slow-motion imagery to create a sense of tension and drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, utilizing effective visual and sound effects to create a unique and immersive experience for the audience.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, using voice-overs, dialogue, and jump cuts to convey the protagonist's inner struggles and external challenges.


Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I do not have personal opinions or emotions. However, I can provide objective feedback on the scene based on commonly accepted standards of screenwriting.

Overall, the scene is well-written and has a clear sense of time and place. The use of slow-motion and voice-over adds to the dreamlike quality of the environment. The dialogue is punchy and vivid, with a clear image of characters and their motivations.

However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved. For example, the description of the actions of the Road-Person and Musician could be more detailed, as it is a crucial part of the scene. Additionally, the sudden appearance of the Nazi towering over the Vegas skyline feels a bit random and disconnected from the story, which could confuse viewers.

In summary, the scene is well-written but could benefit from a more detailed description of actions and a tighter focus on the central story.
Suggestions The scene is well written and the slow-motion effect adds to the dreamlike quality of the setting. However, there are a few suggestions that might improve the overall impact of the scene:

1. Use more visual cues to emphasize the drug use: While the dialogue indicates that Duke is under the influence of drugs, it might be useful to add more visual cues to drive the point home. For example, you could show Duke's pupils dilate or his hands shake as he tries to eat the acid.

2. Make the tableaux more absurd: The scene where the musician hunkers down to lick LSD off Duke's arm could be made even more absurd. You could add more characters to the men's room who are equally high and add to the chaos of the situation.

3. Use more diverse camera angles: While the camera angles used in the scene are adequate, introducing some diverse camera angles could add more depth and bring variety to the scene. For example, instead of just showing a tight shot of the door when the stockbroker enters, you could show a long shot of the room to capture the absurdity of the tableau.

4. Clarify transitions between scenes: The sudden transition from the stock footage of San Francisco to the Mint Hotel Suite might be jarring for the audience. You could use a more seamless transition or add a brief voiceover to clarify the passage of time.

By implementing these suggestions, the scene would be even more captivating and memorable for the audience.



Scene 20 - Panic in Las Vegas
EXT. LAS VEGAS AIRPORT - DAY

GONZO WAVES GOODBYE as he boards an airplane with a set of
brand-new fine cowhide luggage.

DUKE (V/O)
Panic.

INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE HOTEL SUITE - DAY

DUKE emerges with his bag and Gonzo's plastic briefcase --
leaves the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door -- checks both
ways, then hurries away down the corridor.

DUKE (V/O)
It crept up my spine like first
rising vibes of an acid frenzy.
All these horrible realities began
to dawn on me.

INT. MINT HOTEL ELEVATOR - DAY

An anxiety ridden DUKE watches the floor numbers as the
elevator descends. He searches his pockets...

DUKE (V/O)
Here I was, alone in Las Vegas,
with this goddamned incredibly
expensive car, completely twisted
on drugs, no cash, no story for the
magazine. And on top of everything
else I had a gigantic goddamn hotel
bill to deal with.

DUKE finds a last crumpled $5 bill.

The door opens. A SECURITY GUARD enters with an OLD LADY IN
HANDCUFFS.

DUKE hides the bill -- crams back into the corner. Doors
close.

DUKE (V/O)
I didn't even know who had won the
race. Maybe nobody.

54.


INT. MINT HOTEL LOBBY - DAY

DUKE hurries out of the elevator -- eyes on a hovering
MANAGER. Past the curious look of the reception CLERK.

DUKE
(muttering to himself)
How would Horatio Alger have
handled this situation?
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Duke and Gonzo's drug-induced paranoia reaches new heights as they return to their hotel suite, leading to Gonzo accusing Lacerda of stealing his blonde groupie and threatening violence with a hunting knife. Duke recalls an earlier encounter with the blonde TV reporter, which only adds to Gonzo's paranoia.
Strengths "The scene is strong in its portrayal of the effects of drug-induced paranoia and the humor that comes with it. The dialogue is sharp and well-crafted."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more character development and a stronger thematic focus."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 8

Originality: 4

The level of originality in this scene is low. There are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is plausible.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to deal with the mounting panic and anxiety he feels about being alone in Las Vegas with no story for the magazine he's writing, no cash, a gigantic hotel bill to deal with and a twisted mind due to drugs.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find a way to pay the hotel bill.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is not very strong. The entrance of the security guard and old lady in handcuffs adds a hint of danger, but it's quickly resolved.

High Stakes: 9

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because the audience doesn't know how the protagonist will resolve his cash shortage issue.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it combines humor with the tension of the situation, making the audience interested in the protagonist's predicament and how he will deal with it.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by keeping the tension high while allowing for moments of humor.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected structure for its genre.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the feelings of anxiety and panic that Duke is experiencing. The use of voice-over narration to explain Duke's thoughts and emotions is a good choice, as it allows the audience to understand what is going on in his head. The description of the setting and characters is also well-done, providing the necessary context for the audience to follow the story.

One potential issue with the scene is the lack of visual action. There is a lot of dialogue and voice-over narration, but not much physical movement or interaction between the characters. This can make the scene feel static and less engaging for the audience. Adding some physical action or reactions from the characters could help to keep the scene visually interesting.

Another potential issue is the lack of clear stakes or conflict. While Duke is experiencing anxiety and panic, there isn't a clear goal or obstacle for him to overcome in this scene. Adding some specific conflict or goal for Duke to work towards could help to increase the tension and make the scene more engaging.

Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the emotions of the characters, but could benefit from more visual action and clear conflict.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Show more of Gonzo and Duke's relationship. As it stands, the scene just shows Gonzo leaving and Duke panicking. Showing a bit more of their dynamic would add depth to the scene.

2. Use more description to convey the chaos of Las Vegas. Las Vegas is known for being a wild and overwhelming place, so using descriptions that really play up the sensory overload (bright lights, loud noises, etc.) would help convey the feeling of panic that Duke is experiencing.

3. Consider adding a bit more dialogue. While the voiceover narration is effective in conveying Duke's thoughts, adding in a bit of dialogue between Duke and another character (such as the security guard in the elevator) would break up the scene and make it feel more active.

4. Convey Duke's drug use more overtly. Duke mentions that he's "completely twisted on drugs", but there's not much else to indicate that he's under the influence. Adding in some physical effects (pupils dilated, sweaty palms, etc.) would help convey the extent of Duke's drug use.

Overall, this scene is well-written but could benefit from a bit more action and description to really convey the sense of panic and chaos that Duke is experiencing.



Scene 21 - A Run-In at the Hotel
EXT. MINT HOTEL - DAY

Motoring, DUKE gives his $5 bill to the HOTEL FRONT DOORMAN
with a smile. The DOORMAN blows a frantic whistle and waves
at the CAR BOY.

DUKE (V/O)
Stay calm. Stay calm. I'm a
relatively respectable citizen -- a
multiple felon, perhaps, but
certainly not dangerous.

The CAR BOY pulls up with a screech. DUKE jumps in. The
back seat is stacked with bars of Neutrogena, piles of Mint
400 t-shirts, boxes of grapefruit.

DUKE (V/O CONT'D)
Luckily, I had taken the soap and
grapefruit and other luggage out to
the car a few hours earlier. Now
it was only a matter of slipping
the noose...
DUKE shifts into drive. Deliverance!

CLERK'S VOICE
MR. DUKE!

DUKE freezes.

CLERK'S VOICE
Mr. Duke! We've been looking for
you!

DUKE (V/O)
The game was up! They had me.

DUKE
(to himself)
Well, why not? Many fine books
have been written in prison.

55.


Resigned, DUKE turns off the ignition. A young CLERK
arrives breathlessly with a smile and a YELLOW LETTER IN HIS
HAND.

CLERK
Sir?
(thrusts out a TELEGRAM)
This telegram came for you.
Actually, it isn't for you. It's
for somebody named Thompson, but it
says 'care of Raoul Duke'. does
that make sense?

DUKE
(barely able to speak)
Yes... It makes sense.

DUKE stuffs the telegram into his top pocket.

The CLERK peers into the car -- sees part of the enormous
stash inside.

CLERK
I checked the register for this man
Thompson. We don't show him but I
figured he might be part of your
team.

DUKE
He is. Don't worry, I'll get it to
him.

He fires up the engine -- eases the RED SHARK into low gear.

SECURITY GUARDS are looking across -- sharing a quiet word
or two.

CLERK
What confused us was Dr. Gonzo's
signature on the telegram from Los
Angeles. When we knew he was right
here in the hotel.

DUKE
You did the right thing. Never try
to understand a press message.
About half the time we use codes --
especially with Dr. Gonzo.

CLERK
Tell me. When will the doctor be
awake?

56.


DUKE
(tenses)
Awake? What do you mean?

DUKE's eyes are on the SECURITY GUARDS -- moving closer.

CLERK
(uncomfortably)
Well... the manager, Mr. Heem,
would like to meet him. Nothing
unusual. Mr. Heem likes to meet
all our large accounts... put them
on a personal basis... just a chat
and a handshake, you understand.

DUKE
Of course. But if I were you, I'd
leave the Doctor alone until after
he's eaten breakfast. He's a very
crude man.

DUKE edges the car forward, but is stopped by the CLERK.

CLERK
But he will be available? Perhaps
later this morning?

DUKE
Look. That telegram was all
scrambled. It was actually from
Thompson, not to him. Western
Union must have gotten the names
reversed. I have to get going. I
have to get out to the track.

CLERK
There's no hurry! The race is over!

DUKE
(taking off)
Not for me.

He waves the CLERK off the car -- roars away.

CLERK
Let's have lunch!

DUKE
Righto!
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Duke tries to leave the hotel with his stash of goods when he is stopped by a clerk who hands him a telegram. Duke fears it is the end of the road when the clerk asks to meet with Dr. Gonzo.
Strengths "The dialogue is sharp and witty, while the overall tone of the scene creates tension as Duke tries to leave the hotel"
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant plot development"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 7

Originality: 6

The scene is somewhat original in its portrayal of the chaotic atmosphere of the Mint Hotel and the protagonist's efforts to evade detection. However, it also features some familiar tropes of the genre, such as the use of a fast car as a getaway vehicle. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable and contributes to the overall feeling of chaos and urgency.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to evade detection for his illegal actions and maintain his facade of respectability. This reflects his deeper fear of being outed as a criminal and his desire to maintain his image of success and respectability.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape from the Mint Hotel without being caught by the authorities or the hotel staff. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing of trying to avoid detection and maintain his cover of respectability.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with the main obstacle being the protagonist's fear of being caught by the hotel staff or the authorities.

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 6

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is somewhat unpredictable because it is unclear whether the protagonist will be caught or will be successful in his escape.

Philosophical Conflict: 2

There is not a strong philosophical conflict evident in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it features fast-paced action, vivid descriptions of the setting, and colorful dialogue that convey a sense of urgency and excitement.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building suspense and conveying a sense of urgency that captures the audience's attention.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear and concise action and dialogue descriptions that are easy to follow.

Structure: 7

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear beginning, middle, and end that establish the protagonist's goals and the obstacles he must overcome.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and engaging. The use of voiceover (V/O) allows the audience to get inside the mind of the protagonist, Duke, and understand his thoughts and feelings. The dialogue is also well-crafted, with natural-sounding conversations between characters that help move the story forward.

One suggestion for improvement would be to make the stakes higher in the scene. While Duke appears to be in a hurry and potentially in danger, there isn't a clear sense of what he's risking or what he stands to lose if he's caught. Adding more tension or urgency to the situation could heighten the impact of the scene and draw the audience in even more.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more visual description of the setting and characters. While some details are provided, such as the stacks of Neutrogena soap and piles of t-shirts in the backseat of the car, more sensory details could help immerse the audience in the world of the story.

Overall, this scene is well-crafted and effective, but could be even stronger with some tweaks to increase the tension and sensory detail.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add more visual details to make the scene more engaging. For example, describe the Mint Hotel's exterior and the surrounding area to create a vivid mental image.

2. Develop the character of the car boy by giving him some lines and personality traits to make him more memorable.

3. Increase the tension by having Duke react more strongly to the clerk's request to meet with Dr. Gonzo. Show Duke starting to sweat or becoming agitated to convey his fear.

4. Add some dialogue between Duke and his attorney, Dr. Gonzo, to give the audience more insight into their relationship and how they are involved in the larger plot.

5. Use more action to show Duke's personality. For example, have him perform a reckless driving maneuver or say something bold to the clerk to highlight his rebellious nature.

6. Consider adding some humor to lighten the mood of the scene. For instance, Duke could make a sarcastic comment when the clerk tries to give him a telegram that's not meant for him.



Scene 22 - High Speed Chase
EXT. ROAD OUT OF VEGAS - DAY

DUKE drives the RED SHARK out of Vegas.

57.


A "YOU ARE LEAVING LAS VEGAS" sign flashes past.

Bob Dylan plays: "Memphis Blues Again -- "Aaww, Mama, can
this really by the end...?"

A sign: LOS ANGELES -- 400 miles.

DUKE (V/O)
Jesus, bad waves of paranoia,
madness, fear and loathing --
intolerable vibrations in this
place. Get out! The weasels were
closing in. I could smell the ugly
brutes. Flee!

DUKE drives fast.

DUKE
Do me one last favor Lord: just
give me five more high-speed hours
before you bring the hammer down;
just let me get rid of this goddamn
car and off of this horrible desert.

A sign flashes "YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE."

A patrol car pulls out behind him, lights flashing.

DUKE (CONT'D)
You evil bastard! This is your
work! You'd better take care of
me, Lord... because if you don't
you're going to have me on your
hands.

The patrol car screams after the RED SHARK.

DUKE (V/O)
Few people understand the psychology
of dealing with a Highway Traffic
Cop. Your normal speeder will
panic and immediately pull over to
the side. This is wrong.

DUKE floors the gas pedal.

DUKE (V/O)
It arouses contempt in the cop heart.

THE SPEEDOMETER CLIMBS STEADILY.

58.


DUKE (V/O)
Make the bastard chase you. He
will follow. But he won't know
what to make of your blinker signal
that says you're about to turn right.

DUKE signals right. The RED SHARK screams at 120 mph.

DUKE (V/O)
This is to let him know you're
looking for a proper place to pull
off and talk.

AN EXIT OFF RAMP: MAX SPEED 25.

DUKE hits the brakes. The COP brakes.

DUKE (V/O)
It will take him a moment to
realize that he is about to make
180 degree turn at speed... but you
will be ready for it, braced for
the G's and the fast heel toe work.

The patrol car spins and fishtails crazily out of control.

EXT. SCENIC PICNIC AREA - DAY

The patrol car comes skidding around the corner. DUKE
stands beside the RED SHARK, completely relaxed and smiling.

The HIGHWAY PATROLMAN gets out of the car, screaming.

HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
Just what the FUCK did you think
you were doing?!

DUKE smiles.

HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
May I see your license.

DUKE
Of course, officer.

DUKE reaches for it. And BOTH MEN look down at a beer
can -- which DUKE had, somehow, forgotten was in his hand.

DUKE (V/O)
I knew I was fucked.

The COP relaxes -- actually smiles... He reaches out for
DUKE's wallet, then holds out his other hand for the beer.

59.


HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
Could I have that, please?

DUKE
Why not? It was getting warm anyway.

The HIGHWAY PATROLMAN takes it, pours out the beer --
glances in the back seat of the RED SHARK. Amongst the bars
of soap... A case of warm beer. DUKE smiles back at him.

HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
You realize...
DUKE
Yeah. I know. I'm guilty. I
understand that. I knew it was a
crime but I did it anyway. Shit,
why argue? I'm a fucking criminal.

HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
That's a strange attitude.

He looks at DUKE thoughtfully.

HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
You know -- I get the feeling you
could use a nap. There's a rest
area up ahead. Why don't you pull
over and sleep a few hours?

DUKE
A nap won't help. I've been awake
for too long -- three or four
nights. I can't even remember. If
I go to sleep now, I'm dead for
twenty hours.

The HIGHWAY PATROLMAN smiles.

HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
Okay. Here's how it is. What goes
into my book, as of noon, is that I
apprehended you... for driving too
fast, and advised you to proceed no
further than the next rest area...
your stated destination, right?
Where you plan to take a long nap.
Do I make myself clear?

DUKE
How far is Baker? I was hoping to
stop there for lunch.

60.


HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
Not my jurisdiction. The city
limits are two point two miles
beyond the rest area. Can you make
it that far?

DUKE
I'll try. I've been wanting to go
to Baker for a long time. I've
heard a lot about it.

The PATROLMAN holds the door for DUKE who gets in.

HIGHWAY PATROLMAN
Excellent seafood. With a mind
like yours, you'll probably want to
try the land-crab. Try the Majestic
Diner.

The PATROLMAN slams the door shut.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Duke tries to outrun a highway patrol car and succeeds, only to be caught with a beer can in his hand. The patrolman lets him off with a warning and recommends a restaurant.
Strengths "The scene showcases Duke's rebellious and humorous personality, leading to an entertaining high-speed chase sequence."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant plot development and emotional impact, making it a minor subplot in the overall story."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 8

The scene shows a fresh approach to the familiar image of the police chase and includes unique elements such as the use of drugs and humor. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue creates a believable and engaging portrayal of this subculture.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 4

Internal Goal: 8

Duke's internal goal is to escape from the grips of the law while indulging in his vices of drug use and fast driving. It reflects his deeper need for freedom and his fear of losing his life to his addictions.

External Goal: 9

Duke's external goal is to evade the patrol car chasing him and avoid getting caught by the law. It reflects the immediate circumstance he's facing of being pursued and the challenge of escaping from the patrol car.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong due to the challenge of evading the patrol car and the unpredictability of the situation.

High Stakes: 5

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turns and twists in the pursuit and Duke's actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in the scene is the tension between Duke's desire for freedom and self-indulgence and the control and authority represented by the Highway Patrolman. This challenge relates to Duke's values of rebellion against authority and the idea that rules are meant to be broken.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the tension and danger created by the pursuit of Duke by the Highway Patrolman and the use of humor to alleviate the tension.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and heightening the sense of danger.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 10

The scene follows typical formatting for a screenplay and includes clear scene directions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a typical structure for a chase scene and is effectively paced to build tension and engage the audience.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with strong descriptions and dialogue that moves the story forward. The driving action is well-paced and builds tension, engaging the audience in the story. The use of voiceover adds depth to Duke's thoughts and feelings as he tries to escape the grip of paranoia and law enforcement.

One potential area for improvement is the use of the Bob Dylan song lyrics. While they add a poetic touch, they could be seen as a cliche choice for a road trip scene. Additionally, the introduction of the beer can feels slightly contrived and all-too-convenient for the story.

Another suggestion would be to include more character development, both for Duke and the patrolman. While the scene is action-packed, it could benefit from additional insights into their personalities and motivations, making the audience more invested in their journey. Overall, however, this scene effectively captures the spirit of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and keeps the audience engaged in Duke's wild ride.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Consider adding more visual description to enhance the setting. What does the road look like? Are there any interesting landmarks or scenery that can be highlighted? This will help us to better imagine the scene and immerse ourselves in the environment.

2. Try to add more conflict or tension to the scene. While the chase with the patrol car provides some excitement, there could be more at stake for Duke or a greater obstacle he must overcome. This will make the scene more engaging and memorable for the audience.

3. Consider adding more depth to Duke's character. While he has a distinct voice, we don't know much about his motivations or backstory. This can make it difficult for the audience to fully invest in his journey. Adding more layers to his personality can make him more relatable and interesting to watch.

4. Play with the structure of the scene. While it's good to have a clear beginning, middle, and end, there could be opportunities to break up the action or add more variety to the pacing. Experimenting with the structure can make the scene more dynamic and engaging.



Scene 23 - Escape from Baker
EXT. DESERT ROAD - DAY

DUKE drives away -- teeth gritted.

DUKE (V/O)
I felt raped. The Pig had done me
on all fronts, and now he was going
off to chuckle about it -- on the
west side of town, waiting for me
to make a run for L.A.

DUKE drives past the rest area to an intersection where he
signals to turn right into Baker. As he approaches the turn
he sees the HITCHHIKER! As DUKE slows to make the turn
their eyes meet. DUKE is about to wave -- but the HITCHHIKER
drops his thumb.

DUKE
Great Jesus, it's him.

DUKE, spooked, SPINS THE RED SHARK round -- ROARS BACK THE
WAY HE CAME.

EXT. BAKER TRUCK STOP - DAY

DUKE on the public phone booth -- screaming.

DUKE
They've nailed me! I'm trapped in
some stinking desert crossroads
called Baker. I don't have much
time. The fuckers are closing in.
They'll hunt me down like a beast!

61.


INT. GONZO'S OFFICE - DAY

GONZO sits surrounded by legal papers and law books. Mexican
Day of the Dead masks hang from the walls -- flame-red demons.

GONZO
Who? You sound a little paranoid.

EXT. BAKER TRUCK STOP - DAY

DUKE screams -- sweat pouring.

DUKE
You bastard! I need a lawyer
immediately!

INT. GONZO'S OFFICE - DAY

GONZO
What are you doing in Baker?
Didn't you get my telegram?

EXT. BAKER TRUCK STOP - DAY

DUKE
What? Fuck telegrams. I'm in
trouble. You worthless bastard.
I'll cripple your ass for this!
All that shit in the car is yours!
You understand that? When I finish
testifying out here you'll be
disbarred!

INT. GONZO'S OFFICE - DAY

GONZO
You're supposed to be in Vegas. We
have a suite at the Flamingo. I
was just about to leave for the
airport.

INT. BAKER TRUCK STOP - DAY

DUKE pulls out the telegram from his top pocket.

GONZO'S VOICE
You brainless scumbag! You're
supposed to be covering the National
District Attorney's conference! I
made all the reservations... rented
a white Cadillac convertible... the
whole thing is arranged! What the
hell are you doing out there in the
middle of the fucking desert?
62.


DUKE stares at the telegram.

DUKE
Never mind. It's all a big joke.
I'm actually sitting beside the
pool at the Flamingo. I'm talking
from a portable phone. Some dwarf
brought it out from the casino. I
have total credit! Can you grasp
that?
(shouts)
Don't come anywhere near this place!
Foreigners aren't welcome here!

DUKE, breathing heavily, hangs up phone.

EXT. DESERT - DAY

C/U of .357 Magnum cylinder being spun.

DUKE (V/O)
Well. This is how the world works.

C/U An IGUANA basks in the sun.

DUKE (V/O)
All energy flows according to the
whims of the Great Magnet.

C/U Barrel of the gun. It fires. An explosion of desert
dirt.

DUKE (V/O)
What a fool I was to defy Him.

The IGUANA sits unfazed.

DUKE (V/O)
Never cross the Great Magnet. I
understood this now...
(another blast from
the gun)
... and with understanding came a
sense of almost terminal relief.

DUKE stands alone in the vast desert firing at nothing, the
thuds of the explosions echo away.

EXT. ROAD INTO VEGAS - DAY
The RED SHARK driving back towards Las Vegas.

63.


DUKE (V/O)
I had to get rid of The Shark. Too
many people might recognize it...
...especially the Vegas Police.
(tight C/U of DUKE)
Luckily, my credit card was still
technically valid.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL:

DUKE, now driving a white Cadillac Coupe de Ville -- THE
WHITE WHALE.

DUKE pushes buttons -- lowers the top.

DUKE (V/O)
This was a superior machine -- ten
grand worth of gimmicks and high
price special effects. The rear
windows leapt up with a touch like
frogs in a dynamited pond. The
dashboard was full of esoteric
lights and dials and meters that I
would never understand.

EXT. FLAMINGO HOTEL - AFTERNOON

A GIANT SIGN: THE FLAMINGO WELCOMES THE NATIONAL DA'S
CONFERENCE ON NARCOTICS & DANGEROUS DRUGS.

DUKE (V/O)
If the Pigs were gathering in
Vegas, I felt the Drug Culture
should be represented as well...
and there was a certain bent appeal
in the notion of running a savage
burn on one Las Vegas hotel and
then just wheeling across town and
checking into another.

The WHITE WHALE turns into a VIP parking slot, immediately
attended by impressed MINIONS.

DUKE (V/O)
Me and a thousand ranking cops from
all over America. Why not? Move
confidently into their midst.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Duke escapes Baker and contacts Gonzo who informs him of his location mix-up. Duke fires his gun aimlessly in the desert, before swapping cars and arriving at the Flamingo with the intent to represent the Drug Culture at a conference for narcotics and dangerous drugs.
Strengths "Strong characterization and dialogue, unique plot and themes"
Weaknesses "Can be confusing and not immediately clear in plot"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9


Story Content

Concept: 8

Plot: 9

Originality: 9

This scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to depicting the drug culture and a protagonist struggling with paranoia and anxiety. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to the world they inhabit. The scene is well written and engaging, making it stand out from other, less original scenes in the genre.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 6

Internal Goal: 8

Duke's internal goal in this scene is to escape the Pig and his threats and dangers. His fear and desire to escape drive his actions throughout the scene.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to get a lawyer and not get caught by the law. He is trying to escape from the consequences of his drug-related crimes.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with Duke facing off against both the Pig and the law. The scene effectively portrays Duke's desperation and fear as he tries to escape from both enemies.

High Stakes: 7

Story Forward: 8

Unpredictability: 7

While the scene is not entirely unpredictable, it does contain a few surprising twists and turns, such as Duke's encounter with the hitchhiker and his subsequent realization that he has been set up. These moments keep the scene interesting and add to its overall tension and drama.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is Duke's struggle to come to terms with his place in the world. He feels that he has been wronged, but at the same time, he understands that he is responsible for his own actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

Dialogue: 9

Engagement: 10

This scene is engaging because it sets up the protagonist's struggles and enemies while also introducing new challenges and conflicts. The scene is well-written, using sharp imagery and dialogue to create a compelling narrative.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of this scene is effective, using quick cuts and sharp dialogue to keep the action moving. The scene builds tension through its use of imagery and description, creating a sense of urgency and danger.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, using clear scene headings and descriptors to establish setting and action. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to read, making the scene easy to follow.

Structure: 9

This scene follows the expected structure for its genre, using clear, concise language to establish setting and actions. The scene effectively sets up the protagonist's external and internal goals while also introducing new characters and conflicts.


Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the frenzied state of Duke's mind, as well as his tendency to see everything through a drug-addled, paranoid lens. The dialogue is sharp and witty, with Gonzo serving as a good foil for Duke's rants.

That said, there are a few areas for improvement. The introduction of the hitchhiker feels abrupt and underdeveloped - one moment Duke is ranting about being trapped, and the next he's encountering this character without any real explanation or buildup. Additionally, while the use of voiceover works well in many parts of the scene, there are a few instances where it feels like it's being relied on too heavily - for example, when Duke is firing his gun at nothing in the desert, the voiceover feels a bit unnecessary since the visual itself is so striking.

Overall, though, this scene effectively captures the chaotic, drug-fueled tone of the story and engages the reader with its sharp dialogue and vivid imagery.
Suggestions Overall, this scene seems to be well-written with clear and concise descriptions of actions and settings. However, there are a few suggestions I would make to improve it:

- Although the use of voiceover is effective in conveying Duke's inner thoughts and emotions, it may be more impactful to show these feelings through his actions and reactions to the situation. For example, instead of just stating that he is spooked when he sees the hitchhiker, you could show him physically tensing up or sweating.

- Consider adding more physical details and sensory descriptions to really immerse the audience in the scene. For instance, what does the desert road look and feel like? What do the Day of the Dead masks in Gonzo's office smell like? Adding these kinds of details can make the scene feel more vivid and engaging.

- Think about adding some conflict or tension to the scene to make it more engaging for the audience. Right now, Duke seems to be facing some problems (being trapped in Baker and mistaken about the conference he was supposed to be attending), but he doesn't seem to be actively fighting against anything or anyone. Adding some kind of obstacle for him to overcome or adversary to face could make the scene more compelling.

Overall, these are just a few suggestions for improvement. The scene already has a strong sense of tone and character, so these changes would mainly be focused on enhancing those elements further.



Scene 24 - Check-In Chaos
INT. FLAMINGO HOTEL LOBBY - AFTERNOON

DUKE enters -- old Levis, grubby sneakers, 10 peso Acapulco
shirt coming apart at the seams, 3 day growth, eyes hidden
behind mirror shades. He heads for the check-in line.

64.


DUKE (V/O)
My arrival was badly timed.

THE PLACE IS FULL OF COPS. 200 of them, on vacation, all
dressed in cut price Vegas casuals: plaid Bermuda shorts,
Arnie Palmer golf shirts, and rubberized beach sandals.

Ahead of DUKE -- A POLICE CHIEF argues with the DESK CLERK.
The POLICE CHIEF'S AGNEW STYLE WIFE stands to the side,
weeping. The POLICE CHIEF'S FRIENDS stand uneasily around.

POLICE CHIEF
What do you mean I'm too late to
register? I'm a police chief.
From Michigan. Look, fella, I told
you.
(waves a POSTCARD)
I have a postcard here that says I
have reservations in this hotel.

CLERK
(prissily)
I'm sorry, sir. You're on the
"late list." Your reservations were
transferred to the... ah...
Moonlight Motel, which is out on
Paradise Boulevard...

POLICE CHIEF
I've already paid for my goddamn
room!

CLERK
It's actually a very fine place of
lodging and only sixteen blocks
from here, with its own pool and...

POLICE CHIEF
You dirty little faggot! Call the
manager! I'm tired of listening to
this dogshit!
FRIENDS restrain the POLICE CHIEF.

CLERK
(solicitously)
I'm so sorry, sir. May I call you
a cab?

The POLICE CHIEF's screamed insults fade away...

DUKE (V/O)
Of course, I could hear what the
Clerk was really saying...

65.


CLERK
(IN DUKE'S IMAGINATION)
Listen, you fuzzy little shithead --
I've been fucked around, in my
time, by a fairly good cross-
section of mean-tempered rule-crazy
cops and now it's MY turn. "Fuck
you, officer, I'm in charge here,
and I'm telling you we don't have
room for you."

DUKE steps to the desk, around the raging POLICE CHIEF.

DUKE
Say. I hate to interrupt, but I
wonder if maybe I could just sort
of slide through and get out of
your way. Name's Raoul Duke --
Raoul Duke. My attorney made the
reservation.

DUKE snaps a credit card down onto the counter. EVERYONE
goes silent. The POLICE CHIEF GROUP stares at him like he
was some kid of water rat crawling up to the desk. The
CLERK hits the bell for the BELLBOY.

CLERK
Certainly, Mr. Duke!

DUKE
My bags are out there in that white
Cadillac convertible. Can you have
someone drive it around to the room?

ALL EYES turn to the gleaming WHITE WHALE.
DUKE
Oh, and could I get a quart of Wild
Turkey, two fifths of Baccardi, and
a night's worth of ice delivered to
my room, please?

CLERK
Don't worry about a thing, sir.
Just enjoy your stay.

DUKE
Well, thank you.

DUKE gives the POLICE CHIEF a polite smile -- crosses to the
elevator -- turns to face the GAWPING COPS -- pops a can of
beer and toasts them. The doors close.

66.


INT. HOTEL FLAMINGO - CORRIDOR OUTSIDE SUITE - DAY

DUKE rams the key home -- swings the door open.

DUKE
Ah, home at last!
Genres: ["Comedy","Crime","Drama"]

Summary Duke arrives at the Flamingo Hotel and encounters a police chief fighting with the desk clerk over late reservations. Duke interrupts and smoothly checks in with a credit card. He orders alcohol and leaves the angry police chief behind.
Strengths "The humor and wittiness in Duke's character, the smooth dialogue and pacing"
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't move the plot forward significantly"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8


Story Content

Concept: 7

Plot: 8

Originality: 4

The scene is relatively unoriginal in terms of plot and character, but the writer's unique voice adds a fresh twist to the familiar setting and situations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Character Changes: 2

Internal Goal: 8

Duke's internal goal is not explicitly stated in the scene, but his calm, confident behavior suggests that he is attempting to maintain control over the situation and assert his authority.

External Goal: 9

Duke's external goal is to check in to his hotel room and have his luggage and alcohol delivered to him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

Opposition: 7

The opposition is strong enough to create tension and conflict, but the outcome is never really in doubt.