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Scene 1 -  The Death of America: Dick Dickman's Passionate Speech
EXT. PLATFORM - ANYTIME

A giant American flag is suspended tight over an elevated
stage (an homage to Patton). A proud figure rises onto the
stage from an unseen staircase with a riding crop in hand.
Meet the hero of our absurd little legend, DICK DICKMAN, a 59-
year-old hunk of meat with a killer mullet, a beer belly, and
a plain, expressionless mask of a face. Dick is dressed to
the nines in a general’s uniform, complete with a lacquered
helmet and a tunic with four stars across each shoulder and
about a bajillion medals pinned to it.

Dick comes to a firm salute and stares down at us as a
marching band strikes up a fanfare offscreen.

The fanfare concludes, and Dick finishes his salute.

The crowd of unseen soldiers takes their seats offscreen.
Dick addresses them in his drab, staccato Texan lilt.

DICK
Ladies. Gentlemen. My fellow
patriots. America is dead. That’s
right, America is dead, and we let
‘em kill it.

Dick begins to pace back and forth across the stage.

DICK (CONT'D)
Don’t pretend y’all don’t know who
I’m talkin’ bout. Godless pinkos,
Deep State swine, gang-rapin’
border hoppers, all them
cocksuckers on Wall Street, Big
Tech with their 5G death towers,
Big Pharma with their brain washin’
microchips, vampire pedophiles,
reptilian Satan worshippers, and
Democrats.

Dick stops pacing for emphasis.
2.


DICK (CONT'D)
What we got on our hands here is an
infestation. An infestation of
sodomites that’d have us take it up
the ass to kingdom come while they
burn Lady Liberty at the stake,
extra crispy style. Ain’t no two
ways ‘bout it, folks. It’s evil.
Pure and simple. That evil rambled
right outta the mouth of Beelzebub
and into the hearts and minds of
decent Americans while we was
asleep at the wheel. They rob us
blind, open our borders, molest our
children, take our guns, tax our
beer, and still got the unholy gall
to call us “deplorable”!
(shakes head theatrically)
Well folks, I got news for ya. Some
of us still remember a different
America.

Dick resumes pacing.

DICK (CONT'D)
Y’all know the one. The America our
grandaddies told us ‘bout: that
small mercantile republic built by
patriots that didn’t take no shit
off nobody. An America where
Presidents led the charge into
battle insteada gropin’ little
girls. An America where we called a
fella that fought wars brave and a
fella that called himself a lady
somethin’ else entirely. An America
where we liked Ike and saluted our
boys in blue. I’m talkin’ ‘bout
John Wayne country. Davy Crockett
country. An America for God fearin’
men and women that wanted nothin’
more than a home to call their own
where they could live, love, drink,
and shoot to their heart’s content.
An America before...

Dick stops and takes a deep breath to collect himself.

DICK (CONT'D)
...Before HIM!!!!
3.


Dick snaps his riding crop at the flag, and it collapses,
unveiling a massive blown-up photo of ANDY WARHOL draped in
an American flag. Warhol looks down mockingly at Dick with
his signature detached, coquettish demeanor.

DICK (CONT'D)
Just look at ‘em. That preenin’
second-rate printmaker posing in
his faggy-ass platinum wig like
he’s God’s gift to the world when
he’s everythin’ but. It was all
over the moment we let that
steaming pile of bird shit talk us
into believin’ he was the mediator
of American culture. A nation is
only as strong as its culture. And
who’s that right there?
(points back at the photo)
The American antichrist incarnate.
Andy Motherfuckin’ Warhol.

Dick resumes pacing.

DICK (CONT'D)
See, we let little Andy here fool
us into believin’ we was defined
not by the noblest dreams of our
forefathers but by the grotesque
exhibitions of a P.T. Barnum freak
show. His vile mass-produced
graphic concoctions was a house of
mirrors, and we followed the pied
piper like the pack of rats we was.
And what’d we see starin’ back at
us? Banal reflections of the
prosaic cults of celebrity and fast
food. No originality, no passion,
no heart, no imagination, hell, not
even a halfway decent feel for the
paint or materials. An artist’s job
is to take us on a journey to the
sublime. This motherfucker couldn’t
get us past Aisle 6 of the Piggly
Wiggly, and that’s where we been
stuck ever since. His little clan
of acolytes will tell ya...
(uses effeminate voice)
“Oh, you don’t understand. Andy’s
art is a comment on 20th-century
modernity. Andy’s art makes us
question the artifacts of our
culture. Andy’s art redefines the
role of art altogether. Andy’s art
blah blah blah.”
4.


Dick stops and makes a hearty raspberry fart sound with his
leg lifted, then resumes pacing.

DICK (CONT'D)
Aesthetic relativism at its worst.
What them ass dwellers don’t
realize is that where we point the
spotlight matters. That when
everythin’ matters, nothin’
matters. Boy, we lost somethin’
important when we followed little
Andy gently into that good night.
We forgot who we was and what we
stood for. We let evil in all its
shapes and forms flood in and
convince us it was on our side. We
made a prophet of a charlatan that
envisioned a world where
everybody’d get their fifteen
minutes of fame. Now we live in
that world, forever lost in a sea
of vapid TikTok Instagram horse
shit. All of ‘em fightin’ and
scratchin’ for their fifteen
minutes, leavin’ the rest of us
wonderin’, “Where did it all go?”
Well I’ll tell ya it all went,
folks: right down the fuckin’
tubes. I wasn’t lyin’, my friends.
The America we once knew and loved
is dead. Only question is: can we
ever get it back?

Dick stops and pauses for dramatic effect.

DICK (CONT'D)
The way I see it, there’s only one
way. We gotta take the axe to the
root and remove the child of
wickedness. We gotta row on up the
rivers of time and purge the
original sin from the prevailin’
scrolls of history. One way or
another, Andy Warhol must be
terminated. Terminated with extreme
prejudice. That’s right. Andy
Warhol must DIIIIEEE!!!

Dick grabs a can of Campbell’s Soup from an unseen
compartment, cocks it back, striking the pose of Banksy’s
Flower Thrower mural, and hurls it with all his might at the
massive Warhol.
5.


SPLAT!! The broth gushes across Warhol’s face like a bursting
blood vessel. As the soup blood drips down, it forms into the
TITLE CARD: “ANDY WARHOL MUST DIE!”

The entire frame turns blood red.

WASH TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Satire"]

Summary In this intense and passionate scene, Dick Dickman, a 59-year-old man dressed as a general, stands on an elevated stage with a giant American flag. He addresses the unseen crowd, expressing his belief that America is dead and blaming various groups for its downfall. Specifically targeting Andy Warhol as the embodiment of evil, Dickman throws a can of Campbell's Soup at a blown-up photo of Warhol, splattering soup across his face. The conflict between Dickman's belief and his desire to take action remains unresolved. The scene ends with the soup splattering across Andy Warhol's face, forming the title card 'ANDY WARHOL MUST DIE!' and the frame turning blood red.
Strengths
  • Sharp and memorable dialogue
  • Engaging and provocative tone
  • Strong performance by the main character
Weaknesses
  • Some may find the language and content offensive or controversial

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and provocative, effectively blending satire, drama, and social commentary. The dialogue is sharp and memorable, and the performance of the main character adds depth and intensity to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene is unique and innovative, using exaggerated characters and dialogue to critique societal issues. It effectively combines satire and drama to create a thought-provoking and entertaining scene.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the main character's passionate speech against American culture and the influence of Andy Warhol. It sets up the conflict and establishes the character's motivations.

Originality: 7

This scene has a level of originality in its portrayal of the protagonist's extreme views and his theatrical expression of them. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic to their beliefs and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The main character, Dick Dickman, is a larger-than-life figure with a strong personality and clear motivations. His dialogue and performance make him a memorable and compelling character.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it establishes the main character's strong beliefs and motivations, setting up potential changes and growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to rally the crowd and express his dissatisfaction with the current state of America. It reflects his desire for a return to the values and ideals of the past.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to physically express his disdain for Andy Warhol by throwing a can of soup at his image. It reflects his immediate challenge of confronting and challenging the influence of Warhol on American culture.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces the conflict between the main character's beliefs and the influence of Andy Warhol. It creates tension and sets up the main character's mission to eliminate Warhol.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist confronts the influence of Andy Warhol and expresses his extreme views. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene revolve around the loss of American values and the need to reclaim them. While not life-or-death stakes, they are significant in terms of cultural and societal impact.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the main character, establishing the conflict, and setting up the mission to eliminate Andy Warhol. It provides important context and motivation for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the extreme views and actions of the protagonist. The audience may not expect the protagonist to express his disdain for Andy Warhol in such a dramatic and theatrical manner.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in traditional American values and the influence of Andy Warhol's art and culture. The protagonist sees Warhol as a symbol of the decline of American culture and wants to remove his influence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions through the passionate performance of the main character and the provocative nature of the dialogue. It engages the audience and elicits a response.

Dialogue: 10

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and filled with memorable lines. It effectively conveys the character's emotions and delivers the satirical and dramatic elements of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the protagonist's passionate and theatrical delivery, the use of colorful language, and the conflict between his beliefs and the influence of Andy Warhol.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and conflict through the protagonist's speech and actions. It keeps the audience engaged and interested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the protagonist's goals, and builds tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a grandiose and theatrical introduction, which immediately grabs the audience's attention. However, the introduction feels a bit too long and could potentially lose the audience's interest if it goes on for too long. It would be better to keep it short and impactful.
  • The dialogue in the scene is very strong and delivers a powerful message. The use of metaphors and vivid language helps to convey the writer's ideas in a clear and concise manner. However, some of the dialogue feels a bit too repetitive and could potentially bore the audience if it goes on for too long.
  • The character of Dick Dickman is very well-developed and delivers a powerful performance. His delivery is confident and commanding, which helps to establish his authority and credibility. However, some of his actions, such as throwing the can of soup, feel a bit too extreme and could potentially alienate the audience.
  • The use of visuals, such as the giant American flag and the photo of Andy Warhol, is very effective in conveying the writer's message. However, some of the visuals, such as the photo of Warhol, could potentially be seen as too provocative and could potentially offend some viewers.
  • The scene could potentially benefit from some additional character development, as we don't learn much about Dick Dickman's background or motivations. This could potentially make it harder for the audience to connect with the character and understand his actions.
Suggestions
  • To make the introduction more impactful, consider using a shorter and more concise introduction that still delivers the same message. This could potentially help to keep the audience engaged and interested.
  • To make the dialogue more engaging, consider using more varied and dynamic language. This could potentially help to keep the audience interested and invested in the scene.
  • To make Dick Dickman's actions more believable, consider toning down some of his more extreme actions, such as throwing the can of soup. This could potentially help to make the scene more grounded and realistic.
  • To make the visuals more effective, consider using more subtle and nuanced visuals that still convey the writer's message. This could potentially help to make the scene more impactful and less provocative.
  • To make the character of Dick Dickman more well-rounded, consider adding some additional backstory or motivation to the character. This could potentially help the audience to understand his actions and connect with the character on a deeper level.



Scene 2 -  Clash of Ideologies
INT. DICK’S TRAILER - MORNING


ON DICK

Dick snores on a fold-up cot with an army helmet hanging off
the end of his head by a half-empty bottle of whiskey. The
opening war drums from Eve of Destruction by Barry McGuire
sound from a radio alarm clock offscreen.


DICK'S TRAILER

Dick awakes in his fortress: an airstream trailer stocked
with rifles, ammo cans, MAGA merchandise, extreme right-wing
bumper stickers, a Valerie Solanas SCUM Manifesto poster, and
some oddly tasteful Pollack and de Kooning prints.

SUPERIMPOSE: “January 6th, 2021”

The alarm clock audio from Eve of Destruction transitions to
the background soundtrack in its full stereoscopic glory.


QUICK CUTS:

-- IN A BATHROOM -- The QANON SHAMAN, donning his horned fur
headdress, looks in the mirror and applies his red white and
blue war paint.

--IN DICK’S TRAILER -- Dick, now decked out in a patched
utility vest, oversized aviators, and camos complete with a
matching camouflage MAGA hat, mounts a GoPro camera to a
chest harness, then snatches a plane ticket from his cot.

-- IN A DINING ROOM -- The DOOBIE SMOKER rolls joints at the
breakfast table in his cowboy hat and American flag pants.

-- IN A BACK YARD -- CONFEDERATE FLAG MAN attaches the old
Southern Cross to a flag pole while smoking a cigarette.
6.


EXT. DICK'S TRAILER - MORNING

Dick steps onto a dirt driveway from his trailer in a deep,
dense forest with a couple of duffle bags in his hands and a
cigarette dangling from his mouth. He approaches a lifted
white Ford pickup.

Dick chucks his duffles in the bed of the pickup, which is
affixed with a hybrid Trump 2020/American flag.


PICKUP TRUCK - ON REAR TIRE

The tire kicks up dirt as the pickup growls off.


EXT. SIDEWALK CAFE - MORNING

A group of COLLEGE HIPSTERS are gathered at a sidewalk table,
sipping lattes with copies of Crime and Punishment.

COLLEGE HIPSTER 1
Like, after George Floyd and BLM,
they’re seriously making us read a
book about a white murderer?

COLLEGE HIPSTER 2
700 pages of patriarchy.

COLLEGE HIPSTER 3
And misogyny. He murdered a woman.
Surprise surprise.

COLLEGE HIPSTER 1
This whole school is like one big
fascist library.

SCREECH! Dick’s pickup pulls to a stop at an adjacent traffic
light with its Trump/America flag proudly waving.

The college hipsters flinch and gasp in horror as Dick sits
casually behind the wheel with his window rolled down in all
his camos and gear.

COLLEGE HIPSTER 3
Oh god. I can’t.

COLLEGE HIPSTER 2
This is the problem.

COLLEGE HIPSTER 1
That’s a microaggression, bro!
7.
Genres: ["Drama","Satire"]

Summary In this scene, Dick, a right-wing supporter, wakes up in his trailer filled with right-wing paraphernalia. Other characters, including the QAnon Shaman and Confederate Flag Man, engage in their own activities. Dick heads towards his pickup truck and pulls up next to a group of college hipsters at a sidewalk cafe. The hipsters express their disdain for the book they are reading and react with shock and discomfort to Dick's presence, creating a tense and confrontational atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Effective satire
  • Strong character contrast
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Slightly predictable conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys its satirical tone and delivers a critical message about the extreme right-wing ideologies. The use of contrasting elements, such as the college hipsters and Dick Dickman, creates tension and highlights the clash of ideologies. The scene also sets up the conflict and establishes the stakes for the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the consequences of extreme right-wing ideologies and their clash with liberal values is thought-provoking and relevant. The scene effectively introduces the main character, Dick Dickman, and establishes his beliefs and motivations.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Dick Dickman's awakening and his decision to take action against what he perceives as the downfall of America. The scene sets up the conflict between Dick and the college hipsters, foreshadowing future confrontations.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high. The combination of extreme right-wing ideologies, countercultural elements, and the clash of ideologies creates a fresh and unique situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Dick Dickman and the college hipsters, represent contrasting ideologies and beliefs. Their interactions and reactions create tension and drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

The scene showcases Dick Dickman's awakening and his decision to take action against what he perceives as the downfall of America. This marks a significant change in his character and sets up his arc for the rest of the story.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Dick is preparing for some kind of political action or event. This reflects his deeper desire to express his extreme right-wing beliefs and take a stand against what he perceives as threats to his ideology.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prepare for a political action or event. This is reflected in his actions of mounting a GoPro camera, grabbing a plane ticket, and loading his duffle bags into his pickup truck.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the clash of ideologies between Dick Dickman and the college hipsters. Their opposing beliefs and reactions create tension and drive the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as it presents a clash of ideologies and creates tension between the characters. The audience is unsure of how the interaction between Dick and the college hipsters will unfold.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene revolve around the clash of ideologies and the potential consequences of extreme right-wing beliefs. The encounter between Dick Dickman and the college hipsters foreshadows future conflicts and raises the stakes for the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the main character, establishing the conflict, and setting up the stakes. It sets the stage for future confrontations and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements and contrasts, such as the combination of extreme right-wing ideologies and countercultural elements. The clash of ideologies and the characters' reactions add to the unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the extreme right-wing ideologies represented by Dick and the countercultural ideologies represented by the college hipsters. This conflict challenges and relates to the protagonist's beliefs, values, and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including shock, horror, and discomfort, as the college hipsters encounter Dick Dickman and his extreme right-wing persona. However, the emotional impact is not the primary focus of the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the clash of ideologies and the satirical tone. The college hipsters' comments reflect their liberal views, while Dick Dickman's presence and actions challenge their beliefs.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it presents a clash of ideologies and creates tension between the characters. The provocative dialogue and the contrasting elements in the world contribute to the engagement.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and introducing contrasting elements. The quick cuts and the contrast between the different locations create a dynamic rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and clear.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively introduces the protagonist, establishes the world and atmosphere, and sets up the conflict between ideologies.


Critique
  • The scene lacks context about who Dick Dickman is and why he's addressing an unseen crowd. This makes it difficult for the audience to connect with his character and understand his motivations. It's essential to provide some backstory or exposition to establish Dick's background and beliefs.
  • The dialogue is overly dramatic and lacks subtlety. Dick's speech feels more like a rant than a coherent argument. It would be more effective to have him present a clear and concise message that resonates with the audience.
  • The scene doesn't provide any insight into the other characters' perspectives or reactions to Dick's speech. It would be interesting to see how they respond to his message and whether they agree or disagree with him.
  • The visual elements, such as the giant American flag and the blown-up photo of Andy Warhol, are too obvious and lack symbolic depth. It would be more impactful to have more subtle and nuanced visuals that convey Dick's message in a more subtle and nuanced way.
  • The scene ends abruptly with the soup splattering across Andy Warhol's face. It's unclear what this action signifies or what it means for the story. It would be more effective to have a clear and meaningful resolution that ties into the overall theme of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a flashback or a voiceover that explains Dick's background and beliefs. This will help the audience understand his motivations and connect with his character.
  • Have Dick present a clear and concise message that resonates with the audience. Avoid using overly dramatic and inflammatory language that alienates the audience.
  • Introduce other characters' perspectives and reactions to Dick's speech. This will add complexity and nuance to the scene and make it more engaging.
  • Use more subtle and nuanced visuals that convey Dick's message in a more subtle and nuanced way. Avoid using obvious and heavy-handed symbols that lack symbolic depth.
  • Provide a clear and meaningful resolution that ties into the overall theme of the scene. Avoid ending the scene abruptly without any clear resolution.



Scene 3 -  Chaos and Controversy: Dick's Role in the Capitol Riots
INT. DICK’S PICKUP - CONTINUOUS

Dick gives the college hipsters a fleeting glance and scoffs.

The light turns green. Dick sticks his middle finger out the
window and holds it there as he steps on the gas with a
derisive grin plastered to his face.

SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. U.S. CAPITOL BUILDING - DAY

We hit the chorus of Eve of Destruction as we drop in on the
carnage of the January 6th insurrection. It’s total chaos
with RIOTERS and CAPITOL POLICE engaged in fierce combat.

Cops get beaten with metal barriers, flagpoles, and crutches.

Cops blast rioters with mace and pepper balls.

All-out brawls everywhere.

Helmets, bottles, batons, and hammers are hurled through the
smokey air.

Windows are shattered with a boosted riot shield.

Rioters pin an OFFICER in a doorframe in the tunnels. He
screams in agony as his gas mask is removed.

A BLOODY-FACED RIOTER beats his chest and belts out a primal
scream that cuts through everything.


GOPRO CAMERA POV - ON DICK

Dick addresses us on the GoPro mounted on his chest as he
leads a stampede of rioters through a barrier and a wall of
cops, busting through to the Capitol steps.

DICK
Let’s go! Take it back, baby! This
is our house!!

Dick and the rioters ascend the steps and break into a “Stop
the steal” chant. The collective adrenaline reaches a fever
pitch.

A YOUNG MAN in sports glasses and a red MAGA hat sticks his
head in the frame.

YOUNG MAN
Look at D.C.! Look at it!!!
8.


U.S. CAPITOL BUILDING - STEPS

We pull back and reveal the massive swath of humanity
screaming out and waving flags as far as the eye can see.

From the balcony at the top of the steps, a group of cops
line up and fire stun grenades into the crowd.

One of the stun grenades goes off near Dick, enveloping him
in a cloud of smoke and piercing white light.

WASH TO:


ON FLAT-SCREEN TV

A CABLE NEWS ANCHOR reports on the events of the Capitol
riots from his desk.

CABLE NEWS ANCHOR
On a crisp autumn day in 1787,
Benjamin Franklin warned one of his
constituents that our fledgling
government was to be “a republic if
you can keep it.” Today, Franklin’s
warning rings truer than ever as
our republic faces perhaps its
greatest threat since the Civil
War. We’ve all witnessed the
disturbing scenes.

The broadcast transitions to relevant footage of the riots.

CABLE NEWS ANCHOR (V.O.)
Capitol Police under assault,
offices looted and vandalized,
historic symbols of democracy
defaced and destroyed.

The broadcast transitions back to the anchor desk.

CABLE NEWS ANCHOR
But who were the human faces behind
the chaos? What led these seemingly
ordinary Americans to such extreme
measures? While several of these
faces are now familiar to us,
perhaps none is more emblematic of
this perplexing act of treason than
this one.

The broadcast cuts to footage of Dick leading the charge up
the steps of the Capitol Building.
9.


CABLE NEWS ANCHOR (V.O.)
The figure known to the public as
“Mullet Man” became an instant
internet sensation when this
footage surfaced of him leading the
charge up the Capitol Steps. The
Associated Press has since
identified Mullet Man as 59-year-
old Richard Theodore Dickman.

The broadcast transitions back to the anchor desk.

CABLE NEWS ANCHOR
In one of several unusual twists to
the Mullet Man saga, a 2008 YouTube
video featuring Dickman has gone
viral, amassing twelve million
views in the past eight hours. In
this video, Dickman directs his
rage not toward a government
official but a prominent modern
artist. Let’s tune in as Mullet Man
paints with a very broad brush.

A grainy YouTube video is pulled up on the broadcast,
featuring Dick as a younger man in a loaded beer helmet with
an open whiskey bottle in his hand and an AR-15 strapped to
his back. An Andy Warhol target is stapled to a nearby tree
in the woods behind him.

The title of the video: “Mullet Man GOES CRAZY!!!”

The President’s Theme from Independence Day fades in as Dick
addresses the camera. His speech is slurred, and he wobbles
as he speaks, clearly drunk off his ass.

DICK
People’ll tell ya it’s “regulatory
failure,” err, “Wall Street runnin’
amok with credit swap derivative
whatchamacallems.” Heh. They like
throwin’ fancy words like that
around in the liberal media, but it
ain’t the truth.
(takes a big swig of
whiskey)
Truth is, it’s just greed all the
way down. Pure ‘n simple. Greed
come from bad character, not bad
policy. And bad character come from
[bleep] culture. If ya ask me, the
real enemy ain’t Fannie May err
Freddie Mac, it’s this [bleep]-head
behind me.
(MORE)
10.

DICK (CONT'D)
Andy Mother[bleep]in’ Warhol, the
American antichrist incarnate.

Dick takes a swig of beer from his helmet as he glances over
his shoulder at the Warhol target and flips it off.

DICK (CONT'D)
So I tell ya what. I say we have
ourselves a lil open fire barbecue.

Dick leans in super close to the lens and smirks.

DICK (CONT'D)
Time to say adios, Andy.

The video breaks into an insane montage set to the censored
chorus of Fuck the Police by N.W.A. with the word “Police”
dubbed over (badly) by Dick, replaced with the word “Warhol.”
The montage includes: Dick loading up all his guns and
sipping beer from his helmet, intercut with whip zooms of the
Warhol target, Dick pissing on the target, and various freely
associated surreal imagery. It’s like a Buñuel film on meth.

The broadcast transitions back to the anchor desk. The anchor
is straining with all her might not to laugh.

CABLE NEWS ANCHOR
Pretty powerful stuff.
Genres: ["Drama","Political","Action"]

Summary In this intense and confrontational scene, Dick, a middle-aged man, encounters college hipsters while driving his pickup truck. He scoffs at them and flips them off before speeding away. The scene then transitions to the U.S. Capitol Building during the January 6th insurrection, showing chaos and violence between rioters and Capitol Police. Wearing a GoPro camera, Dick leads a stampede of rioters through a barrier and onto the Capitol steps. The scene shifts to a cable news anchor reporting on the events, highlighting Dick as a key figure in the chaos. The anchor shows footage of Dick leading the charge up the steps and discusses his viral YouTube video expressing anger towards Andy Warhol. The scene ends with the anchor discussing the connection between Dick's video and the Capitol riots.
Strengths
  • Powerful portrayal of the insurrection
  • Compelling characters with strong beliefs
  • Intense and impactful
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced and complex

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful and intense, effectively portraying the violent nature of the insurrection and the extremist beliefs of the characters involved.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on the Capitol insurrection and the motivations of the characters, is compelling and thought-provoking.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Dick Dickman's preparation for the day, leading up to his participation in the insurrection. It effectively sets up the conflict and tension of the scene.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high. The situation of the January 6th insurrection is a unique and fresh approach to a political conflict. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality, as they express their genuine emotions and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Dick Dickman, are well-developed and their extremist beliefs and actions are portrayed convincingly.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character development in this scene, it does provide insight into the extremist beliefs and actions of Dick Dickman.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his power and dominance, as well as to express his anger and frustration towards the government and modern art. It reflects his deeper need for control and validation, as well as his fear of being marginalized or ignored.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to lead a stampede of rioters through a barrier and a wall of cops, ultimately breaking into the Capitol steps. It reflects the immediate circumstances of the insurrection and the challenge of overcoming the opposition from law enforcement.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

The scene is filled with intense conflict, both physical and ideological, as the rioters clash with the Capitol police and express their extremist views.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces resistance from the Capitol Police and the law enforcement presence. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will unfold, adding tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in the scene, as the characters engage in violent and illegal actions that threaten the stability of democracy.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by depicting the events of the insurrection and providing context for the motivations of the characters.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected and shocking events, such as the violent clashes between rioters and police, as well as the protagonist's provocative actions and speech.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the power of individual action and his disdain for what he perceives as a corrupt and elitist art world. This challenges his values and worldview, as he sees himself as a champion of the 'real' America against the perceived threats of government and modern art.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, including shock, horror, and anger, as it portrays the violent and chaotic nature of the insurrection.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' beliefs and motivations, but it could benefit from more depth and complexity.

Engagement: 10

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes and intense situation, with vivid descriptions and strong character emotions. The use of profanity and provocative actions also adds to the engagement level.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and intensity. The quick cuts between different locations and the use of action verbs in the description enhance the rhythm of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of capitalization, punctuation, and scene descriptions. It effectively conveys the visual and auditory elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. It effectively transitions between different locations and perspectives to convey the chaos of the insurrection.


Critique
  • The scene feels disjointed and lacks a clear connection to the previous scene. It would be helpful to have some context or explanation for the audience to understand why Dick is waking up and preparing for his day. Additionally, the interactions between Dick and the other characters in this scene are minimal and don't add much to the overall conflict or tension in the scene.
  • The dialogue in this scene is sparse and doesn't reveal much about Dick's character or motivations. It would be beneficial to have some more insight into his beliefs and why he is so passionate about his cause.
  • The visual elements in this scene, such as the right-wing paraphernalia and the QAnon Shaman applying war paint, are interesting but don't have much impact on the scene as a whole. It would be more effective to have these elements integrated into the dialogue or action to make them more impactful.
  • The ending of this scene, with the college hipsters expressing their discomfort and shock at Dick's presence, feels abrupt and doesn't have much emotional weight. It would be more effective to have some more build-up to this moment and to have the audience understand the significance of Dick's actions.
  • Overall, this scene feels like a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Dick's character and motivations. It would be more effective to have some more insight into his backstory and how he became so passionate about his cause.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding some more dialogue or exposition to this scene to provide more context and insight into Dick's character and motivations.
  • Integrate the visual elements, such as the right-wing paraphernalia and the QAnon Shaman applying war paint, into the dialogue or action to make them more impactful.
  • Build up to the ending of this scene more gradually to make the college hipsters' reaction to Dick's presence more impactful.
  • Consider adding a flashback or some other device to provide more insight into Dick's backstory and how he became so passionate about his cause.
  • Consider adding some more tension or conflict between Dick and the other characters in this scene to make it more engaging and impactful.



Scene 4 -  A Mysterious Offer
INT. WEEPING LLAMA SPIRITUAL CENTER - CONTINUOUS

THREE SILHOUETTED FIGURES in robes backlit by the sun through
the window in a peaceful temple stand before the flat screen.
Two of the figures stand on opposite sides of the third one,
seated in a mobility scooter, who speaks.

SILHOUETTED FIGURE 1
Oh yeah, this is definitely our
dude.

The two other figures nod in sync.


INT. D.C. CENTRAL DETENTION FACILITY - HOLDING CELL - DAY

Dick is reclined on a bench in a wire mesh holding cell,
partially illuminated by light from the barred window.

A gagging sound from across the cell disturbs Dick’s
contemplation.
11.


Dick leans up and sees a CORPULENT INMATE in a bandana lying
provocatively on the bench on the opposite side of the cell
and gawking at him lasciviously. The inmate proceeds to
simulate fellatio with his hands and tongue.

Dick’s eyes dart around the room to avoid eye contact.

A GUARD approaches the cell with his keys in hand.

GUARD
Dickman?

Dick looks up.

GUARD (CONT'D)
Come on. You made bail.

The guard opens the cell as Dick’s brow furrows in confusion.


EXT. D.C. CENTRAL DETENTION FACILITY - DAY

A heavy steel door clanks shut behind Dick as he exits the
large, red-brick penitentiary.

MAN (O.C.)
Not a man now, but once I was.

Dick stops and discovers MC VIRGIL, a debonair hipster with
grey dreadlocks flowing under a stylish fedora, leaning
against the wall smoking from a cigarette holder.

DICK
Huh?

MC Virgil approaches Dick.

MC VIRGIL
And there he is. The Mullet Man
live from Carnegie Hall for one
night only.

DICK
You talkin’ to me?

MC VIRGIL
To know thyself is the beginning of
wisdom. Maybe I can point you in
the right direction.

MC Virgil extends his hand.
12.


MC VIRGIL (CONT'D)
Dick Dickman? Virgil Monroe at your
service.

Dick accepts Virgil’s handshake with a lost, vacant
expression frozen on his face.

DICK
The bailout guy?

MC VIRGIL
By proxy only, my humble homie. I
serve a higher power.

MC Virgil retrieves a crisp $100 bill from his vest and tugs
at the ends while smiling wryly.

DICK
Who? Er, why-

MC VIRGIL
We can all use a little saving
every once in a while, am I right?

MC Virgil offers Dick a cigarette from his pack. Dick shakes
his head, still dumbfounded.

MC VIRGIL (CONT'D)
Come on. Let’s take a hike,
brother.

MC Virgil puts an arm around Dick and grins.

Dick walks off alongside MC Virgil, utterly confused.


D.C. CENTRAL DETENTION FACILITY - SIDEWALK - MOMENTS LATER

Dick and MC Virgil walk side by side on the sidewalk outside
the jail next to the parking lot.

DICK
So yer pals, they’re bailin’ me out
cuz they saw me on the tube?

MC VIRGIL
(nods)
You might say they’re allies in
your cause.

DICK
Yeah? What cause is that?
13.


MC VIRGIL
The kind that is to be sought
within when the present world goes
astray.

MC Virgil arrives at a black stretch limo and pops open the
rear door.

MC VIRGIL (CONT'D)
And a few moments of your time is
all they’re asking in return.

DICK
Ah shit.

MC VIRGIL
I know what you’re thinking, but
trust me, brother, you don’t need
to sweat these cats.

MC Virgil chuckles in amusement.

DICK
Uh-huh. And all I gotta do is fork
over my cash and wait for the UFO.

MC VIRGIL
Only close encounter we got in mind
is with some good people that wanna
discuss a little project. The kind
that pays off good.

DICK
Yeah? How good?

MC VIRGIL
A defense attorney worth their
weight in salt ain’t cheap. And
with the mob of prosecutors and
social justice warriors rolling out
the guillotine for your sorry ass,
you’re gonna need all the help you
can get.

Dick crosses his arms.

MC VIRGIL (CONT'D)
Unless you’ve already made your own
arrangements, of course.

Dick sighs.
14.


DICK
Just level with me, pard. What the
fuck is this?

MC VIRGIL
Just an open door, my brother.
Nothing more. Nothing less.

Dick spits on the ground.

DICK
Shit.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, Dick is released from the detention facility and meets MC Virgil, who offers him help with his legal troubles. They have a conversation outside the jail, and MC Virgil invites Dick to join him in a project that pays well. Dick expresses confusion and skepticism towards MC Virgil's offer, ending the scene with frustration.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of drama and comedy
  • Intriguing characters
  • Satirical tone
Weaknesses
  • Some confusion in the dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends drama and comedy, using satire and cynicism to create a darkly humorous tone. The confusion experienced by Dick adds depth to the scene and keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Dick being bailed out and encountering MC Virgil introduces a new dynamic and raises questions about Dick's future actions and alliances.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Dick is released from jail and meets MC Virgil, setting up a new direction for the story.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and situation are somewhat familiar (a detention facility and a mysterious stranger), the dialogue and character interactions bring a fresh and humorous approach to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Dick and MC Virgil are intriguing and well-developed. Dick's confusion and MC Virgil's mysterious nature create an interesting dynamic.

Character Changes: 6

Dick experiences confusion and uncertainty, but his character change is not significant in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and make sense of the situation he finds himself in. He is confused and seeks answers from MC Virgil.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to figure out what the people who bailed him out want from him and whether he should trust them.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from Dick's uncertain situation and his encounter with MC Virgil, who presents a mysterious proposition.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist faces challenges in understanding the situation and deciding whether to trust MC Virgil. The audience is unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Dick faces legal consequences and must make decisions about his future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing MC Virgil and setting up a new direction for Dick's journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the protagonist's situation takes unexpected turns, such as being bailed out and encountering MC Virgil. The audience is left wondering what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including confusion, intrigue, and a sense of uncertainty.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the confusion and cynicism of the scene. MC Virgil's cryptic statements add intrigue.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a mysterious character and presents a new opportunity for the protagonist. The dialogue is witty and the situation is intriguing.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of confusion and moments of intrigue. It keeps the audience engaged and curious about what will happen next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the protagonist's situation, and introduces a new character who presents a potential opportunity for the protagonist.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a confusing introduction of Mc Virgil, which lacks context and clarity. The audience is left wondering who Mc Virgil is and why he is important.
  • Dick's reaction to Mc Virgil's offer is unconvincing and lacks emotional depth. It feels forced and unnatural.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Mc Virgil is too vague and abstract. It lacks specific details and fails to convey the nature of the project they are discussing.
  • The scene lacks tension and conflict. There is no clear antagonist or obstacle that Dick must overcome.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Dick's resignation, leaving the audience with more questions than answers.
Suggestions
  • Introduce Mc Virgil earlier in the screenplay or provide more context about his character to make his appearance less confusing.
  • Develop Dick's character more and give him a clear motivation for accepting Mc Virgil's offer. This will make his actions more believable and engaging.
  • Provide more specific details about the project that Mc Virgil is discussing with Dick. This will help the audience understand the nature of the project and its importance.
  • Introduce a clear antagonist or obstacle that Dick must overcome in this scene. This will add tension and conflict to the story.
  • Provide a clear resolution to the scene that ties up any loose ends and leaves the audience with a sense of closure.



Scene 5 -  The Weeping Llama Spiritual Center
EXT. CANYON ROAD - DAY

The stretch limo winds up a scenic canyon roadway surrounded
by rolling hills, rocky bluffs, lush greenery, and shrubs.


INT. LIMO - SAME

Dick stares out the window and spots an ornate structure in
the style of a Japanese Buddhist temple on top of the hill.


I/E. WEEPING LLAMA SPIRITUAL CENTER - DAY

The three silhouetted figures in robes we met earlier are
perched at the doorway to the temple as the limo pulls to a
stop in a serene garden outside the entrance, where various
luxury sedans and electric vehicles are parked.

MC Virgil hops out of the limo and jogs toward the rear, but
not before Dick opens the door himself and steps out.

SILHOUETTED FIGURE 2
Mullet Man? Is that you? We’re so
glad you could make it, friend!

Dick stops in his tracks, and the silhouetted figures are
finally revealed as a trio of elderly hippies. There’s:

NIGHT RAINBOW: A glowing, silver-haired 77-year-old woman
with a long ponytail and a cane.

LUNA SEA: An 83-year-old wide-eyed woman with long grey
braids and large cat-eye glasses, and

STEALS THE FARTS: An 86-year-old man in a mobility scooter
with an oxygen tank with a tie-dye beret covering his wild
matted hair.
15.


On the temple door, we can see the logo for “Weeping Llama
Spiritual Center,” featuring a black and white llama embedded
in a Yin-Yang symbol with the tears rolling down its cheeks,
forming the dots of the iconic emblem.


INT. WEEPING LLAMA SPIRITUAL CENTER - MOMENTS LATER

Steals the Farts, Luna Sea, and a gaggle of other berobed
GERIATRIC HIPPIES surround Night Rainbow, who is seated on a
cushion directly in front of Dick, gazing into his eyes with
deep sensitivity and concern. Dick looks back in slack-jawed
bewilderment.

NIGHT RAINBOW
The first thing we want you to
understand, Dick, is that we are
like you.

Dick surveys the congregation of vacant-eyed, beaming hippies
in exotic saffron robes and raises an eyebrow.

NIGHT RAINBOW (CONT'D)
Oh sure, so maybe we dress
different and enjoy different
music. I mean, heck, we both know
how much the media likes to paint
us as enemies. Left versus right,
red versus blue, hippie versus
redneck. All that surface-level
nonsense. But you know what I see
when I look at you, friend?

Night Rainbow puts her hand on top of Dick’s and smiles
warmly. Dick is a little taken aback.

NIGHT RAINBOW (CONT'D)
A starry-eyed dreamer just like me.

DICK
A dreamer, huh?

Dick spits on the floor of the spiritual center. Luna Sea
covers her mouth in horror.

NIGHT RAINBOW
You know what I’d like to do, Dick?
I’d like to share my dream with
you. Would that be alright? I think
you’ll find that our dreams aren’t
so different. Perhaps they’re even
one and the same.

Dick shrugs.
16.


Night Rainbow pulls herself to her feet with her cane and
takes her position in front of an American flag with a peace
sign in the union next to a large mounted frame concealed by
a velvet curtain.

NIGHT RAINBOW (CONT'D)
We’ve heard your impassioned cry to
“take our country back,” and we are
with you! Your voice has not been
lost, friend. God how we’ve dreamed
of reclaiming this beautiful land
and the beautiful people in it from
the cruel warmongers and heartless
capitalists spreading their toxic
materialist disease.

Dick scans the luxurious amenities throughout the temple.

NIGHT RAINBOW (CONT'D)
Sure, our revolution wasn’t a
violent uprising but a peaceful
awakening. We imagined a new
society that would tune in, drop
out, and wake up to a new way of
being. You see, Dick, the more
conscious we become, the more love
we can access because God is love,
and what is God if not the ultimate
consciousness. Am I right?

Dick scratches his ass as he adjusts his position on the
cushion.

NIGHT RAINBOW (CONT'D)
And with more love comes more
peace. Can’t you just see it? A
nuclear bomb of peace dropped on
humanity like Hiroshima, spreading
radioactive love across the land
through the hearts and minds of
every man, woman, and child.
(makes an explosion sound
as she closes her eyes
and opens her arms wide)
Pfffffffttt...Salvation.

The expression on Night Rainbow’s face slowly shifts from
serene nirvana to pained agony.
17.


NIGHT RAINBOW (CONT'D)
But, sadly, it was just when the
first sunlight of awakening
consciousness was cresting the
horizon that we realized our dream
was already dead.

Night Rainbow pauses for dramatic effect, then hobbles toward
the concealed frame.

NIGHT RAINBOW (CONT'D)
And it was all thanks to the
heinous vision of one disgusting
man...

WOOSH! Night Rainbow yanks the curtain from the frame to
reveal one of Warhol’s infamous Campbell’s Soup silkscreens.

All of the geriatric hippies instantly lose their minds at
the mere sight of this demonic abomination. They scream,
wail, vomit, collapse onto the floor, and writhe in pain.
Dick observes with calm detachment.

Night Rainbow suddenly seems to be possessed by the spirit of
a Baptist minister, electrified with newfound zeal.

NIGHT RAINBOW (CONT'D)
TELL ME BROTHAS AND SISTAS, WHO
TURNED OUR FLOWER POWER DREAM INTO
THE ULTIMATE AMERICAN NIGHTMARE?

LUNA SEA
(with hands over ears)
Warhol!

NIGHT RAINBOW
I CAN’T HEAR YOU! I SAID WHO
EMBRACED CAPITALISTIC MASS
PRODUCTION IN ALLLLL ITS
WICKEDNESS?

A hippie clutching her heart on the floor replies.

HIPPIE 1
Warhol!

NIGHT RAINBOW
AND WHO TURNED HIMSELF INTO A M0-
CHINE THAT POISONED THE PRECIOUS
MINDS OF OUR YOUTH WITH THE TOXIC
SLUDGE OF REGURGITATED COMMERCIAL
TRASH?

A hippie contorting in agony replies.
18.


HIPPIE 2
Warhol Warhol Warhol!

NIGHT RAINBOW
(points at Hippie 2)
YES! ANDY WARHOL! THAT DEVIANT
DEVIL THAT UNLEASHED HIS CURSE UPON
THE LAND WHEN HE OFFERED UP HIS
FORBIDDEN FRUIT.

The hippies’ torment reaches a new zenith.

NIGHT RAINBOW (CONT'D)
NOW SOMEBODY BETTER TELL ME, WHERE
IS THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT?! WHERE IS
THAT ACCURSED SERPENT’S APPLE?!

Steals the Farts opens his mouth and only manages to let out
an incomprehensible wail as he raises his hand and points at
the Campbell’s Soup lithograph.

Finally, Night Rainbow takes mercy and whisks the curtain
back over the silkscreen. As soon as she does so, she seems
to snap right back into her sensitive, docile persona.

NIGHT RAINBOW (CONT'D)
That’s right...

The hippies behave like traumatized soldiers in the field
after a brutal battle. They cry, stagger around in shock, and
crawl back to their cushions.

NIGHT RAINBOW (CONT'D)
We blew it. There just weren’t
enough good vibes to turn back the
tide.
(addressing Dick directly)
You were right, Dick. Andy Warhol
must die.

DICK
Yeah, well, I reckon yer prayers
have already been answered there,
pard.

NIGHT RAINBOW
Oh Dick, don’t get literal on us
now. We both know art never dies.
It lives on and on in the soul
where all the guns in the world can
never reach.

DICK
Ain’t that a bitch?
19.


NIGHT RAINBOW
But what if they could?

DICK
Huh?

NIGHT RAINBOW
What if the stain of Warhol’s
rancid renditions were within
reach, and you were holding the
last bottle of Oxi Clean?

The hippies exchange knowing grins.

DICK
You’re losin’ me fast, pard.

Night Rainbow puts a hand on Dick’s shoulder.

NIGHT RAINBOW
Then let’s go find you again, shall
we?

Night Rainbow gestures for Dick to follow her, then heads
toward the shoji doors in the back of the temple. Luna Sea
and Steals the Farts follow suit.

Dick sighs and follows the elders.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Dick arrives at the Weeping Llama Spiritual Center where he is greeted by Night Rainbow, Luna Sea, and Steals the Farts. Night Rainbow shares her dream of reclaiming the country from warmongers and capitalists. She reveals a Campbell's Soup silkscreen by Warhol, causing the hippies to react in horror. Night Rainbow suggests that Andy Warhol must die. Dick and the hippies discuss the power of art and the possibility of removing the stain of Warhol's art. The scene ends with Night Rainbow leading Dick towards the back of the temple.
Strengths
  • Satirical social commentary
  • Memorable and eccentric characters
  • Witty dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and thought-provoking, blending humor and social commentary effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of elderly hippies confronting the influence of Andy Warhol and their shared dream of a better society is unique and intriguing.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around Dick's encounter with the geriatric hippies and their discussion about the impact of Andy Warhol's art, adding depth to the story.

Originality: 9

This scene has a level of originality in its portrayal of the clash between cynicism and idealism, as well as its humorous and sarcastic tone. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and fresh, adding a unique twist to familiar themes.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Night Rainbow, Luna Sea, and Steals the Farts, are eccentric and memorable, contributing to the scene's humor and thematic exploration.

Character Changes: 7

While there is no significant character change in this scene, Dick's encounter with the hippies challenges his perspective and opens up the possibility of personal growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the beliefs and dreams of the elderly hippies at the Weeping Llama Spiritual Center. This reflects his deeper need for connection and his desire to find meaning in his own life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that he is there to learn and possibly find a sense of purpose or direction in his life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the clash between Dick's cynicism and the hippies' hopeful ideals, creating tension and comedic moments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty. The protagonist's cynicism and detachment oppose the idealistic and spiritual beliefs of the elderly hippies, leading to a clash of values.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are not extremely high in this scene, but the discussion about the impact of art and the potential for change adds a sense of importance.

Story Forward: 8

The scene introduces new characters, explores thematic elements, and sets up potential conflicts and alliances, advancing the story's development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it combines unexpected elements, such as the clash between cynicism and idealism, and the humorous twist on spiritual discussions. The audience may not anticipate the direction the scene takes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's more cynical and detached worldview and the elderly hippies' idealistic and spiritual beliefs. This challenges the protagonist's values and forces him to question his own perspective.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, including amusement, disbelief, and a sense of shared disillusionment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, satirical, and reflects the distinct personalities of the characters, enhancing the scene's humor and social commentary.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces intriguing characters, presents a philosophical conflict, and uses humor to keep the audience interested. The dialogue and actions of the characters create tension and curiosity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of humor and tension. It keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding conflict and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the characters, and presents a conflict that drives the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene begins with a visually stunning shot of the limo driving through a scenic canyon road. This sets the tone for the surreal and dreamlike atmosphere of the Weeping Llama Spiritual Center. However, the shot could be more impactful if the camera angle was lower and the limo's headlights were on to create a more dramatic effect.
  • The introduction of the elderly hippies is a bit abrupt and could use some more context. It would be helpful to have a brief explanation of who they are and how they are connected to Night Rainbow and the Weeping Llama Spiritual Center.
  • The dialogue between Night Rainbow and Dick is intriguing and raises some interesting questions about the similarities between their beliefs and values. However, the scene could benefit from more specific examples of how their dreams are one and the same.
  • The reveal of Warhol's Campbell's Soup silkscreen is a powerful moment, but it could be more impactful if the hippies' reactions were more varied and nuanced. Some could scream and wail, while others could have more subdued and internalized reactions.
  • The scene ends with Night Rainbow's call for action against Warhol, but it could be more clear about what exactly they want Dick to do. Do they want him to physically harm Warhol, or do they want him to help them in some other way?
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a flashback or a dream sequence to show how Night Rainbow and the hippies' dreams are connected to Dick's beliefs and values.
  • Explore the idea of how Night Rainbow and the hippies' peaceful revolution could have been co-opted by capitalist forces, leading to the rise of Warhol's commercialized art.
  • Consider adding a subplot about how Night Rainbow and the hippies' spiritual center came to be, and how it relates to their beliefs and values.
  • Consider adding a scene where Dick meets Warhol and has a confrontation with him about his art and its impact on society.
  • Consider adding a scene where Night Rainbow and the hippies reveal their plan to take down Warhol and his commercialized art, and how Dick can help them in their mission.



Scene 6 -  The Vision of Warhol
EXT. WEEPING LLAMA SPIRITUAL CENTER - MOMENTS LATER

A half-Lakota-Sioux shaman and half-Indian mystic with a bony
frame, sunken cheeks, and deep dark eyes in his 50s dressed
in a flowing dhoti and a feather headdress, IKTOMI RAMANUJAN
(aka “CHIEF RAJ”), is seated cross-legged playing his sitar
and chanting at a fire pit in the rear garden near a tipi.

The trio of hippies arrive with Dick behind Chief Raj.

Dick observes Chief Raj in the midst of his strange chant,
then gives Night Rainbow a quizzical glance.

Chief Raj finishes his chant and puts his sitar down, keeping
his eyes fixed straight ahead. He speaks in an unidentifiable
accent that seems to be part Indian, part Rez, and part
British, with impeccable diction.

CHIEF RAJ
You have the passenger?

DICK
The what now?
20.


Chief Raj uses a stick to point to a spot on the other side
of the fire, then adjusts the position of a log in the pit.

Night Rainbow gestures for Dick to take a seat at the spot
Chief Raj pointed to. Dick complies, and the hippies join in
around the fire.

CHIEF RAJ
Tell me, Richard. Do you know why
you are here?

DICK
Less and less so by the minute,
pard.

CHIEF RAJ
Good. Not knowing is the first
step.

DICK
Not knowin’ what?

CHIEF RAJ
Your destiny.

Chief Raj flicks some powder into the fire, causing it to
flare up into a powerful, towering flame that knocks Dick and
the hippies on their backs.

CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
Your deepest desire holds the seeds
of your sacred dharma. Look upon
the flame, and you will begin to
understand your role in this great
cosmic dance.

Dick leans back up and looks into the fire as the flickering
flames begin to form a moving image. It’s Andy Warhol walking
through his New York art studio, The Factory.

Dick glares at the accursed fiery vision.

CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
Yes. Yes. Put your trust in your
feelings. Let the molten current of
ancient hatreds carry you to the
source of your ultimate desire.
Surrender to the torrent of fury
that flows through your veins.

Dick snaps out of his trance and leaps to his feet.

DICK
The fuck’s this?
21.


NIGHT RAINBOW
Dick, please. You mustn’t offend
Chief Ramanujan. He’s a great
Indian shaman.

STEALS THE FARTS
Both kinds.

Steals the Farts puts his finger on his forehead, indicating
“dot,” then sticks his hand up from the back of his head,
indicating “feather.”

LUNA SEA
We call him “Chief Raj,” dear.

NIGHT RAINBOW
It’s a great honor to receive the
Chief’s guidance. Show him some
faith, and he’ll show you how our
shared dream can be achieved.

CHIEF RAJ
It must be Richard’s choice.
Perhaps he is content with the life
he’s created for himself, wandering
between the winds.
(eyes Dick with
condemnation)
Perhaps we mistook him for a man of
action.

DICK
(sighs)
Ah, shit.

Dick retakes his seat and returns his gaze to the fire. Chief
Raj sprinkles another dash of powder into the fire, and once
more, it flairs into a mighty flame.

Again, the flickering image of Andy Warhol traipsing around
The Factory materializes in the flames.

CHIEF RAJ
Yes. Surrender to the burning
embers of rage in your heart.

The image in the fire becomes denser and more complex. The
shadows of FAWNING SUITORS fade in all around Warhol as he
prances about.

Dick turns red with murderous rage.
22.


CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
Now see your ultimate desire being
accomplished...

The flames of the fire are reflected in the radiating embers
of Dick’s eyes. WE PUSH IN on the flames.


QUICK CUTS - DICK’S VISION:

-- IN WARHOL’S FACTORY -- Warhol bursts into a contrived
laugh as he displays a Campbell’s Soup can for the shadowy
suitors. Dick marches toward Warhol, loading a cartridge into
an AR-15 and attaching grenades to his bandolier.

-- ON YOUTUBE VIDEO -- Dick pops off a hailstorm of rounds at
the Warhol target.

-- IN WARHOL’S FACTORY -- Warhol is disemboweled and blown
into a million pieces like a sacrificial offering.


BACK TO SCENE

Dick screams and leaps back up, stumbling as he regains his
balance and composure. The flames dwindle back down to a
regular campfire.

DICK
What...what the fuck was that?

Chief Raj pokes the fire log with his stick again.

CHIEF RAJ
A vision, Richard.

LUNA SEA
Is it true, then? What did you
see?!

Chief Raj shoots Luna Sea a stern glance, and she strains to
shut her yap.

Dick approaches the fire and examines it like he’s looking
for the rabbit in the hat.

DICK
How’d y’all do that?

CHIEF RAJ
It is not a question of what I did
but of what you can do.
But you already know that, don’t
you?
23.


DICK
(stammering)
Know-What? I, erm-

Chief Raj stands, approaches Dick, and puts his hands on his
shoulders.

CHIEF RAJ
You have just witnessed the
ultimate unfolding of your karma
through a sacred vision.

DICK
No. No, that ain’t possible. I
mean, what I saw, he was there, and
I was there, and it was impossible.
Right?

CHIEF RAJ
Impossible? Or inevitable? It is
your duty, your dharma, Richard. It
always has been.

DICK
But...how?

CHIEF RAJ
Search your heart. You already know
the way.


QUICK FLASH

Dick and Chief Raj are in a traditional birch bark canoe
drifting down a river covered in steam fog in an icy
wasteland with snowy banks lined with strange ice sculptures.


BACK TO SCENE

Dick looks back at Chief Raj with the glimmer of a new
epiphany in his eyes. Night Rainbow grins ear to ear.

NIGHT RAINBOW
He saw him, didn’t he? The death of
the hated one?

Chief Raj nods. The hippies exchange smiles and squeal with
excitement.

STEALS THE FARTS
Told ya this was our dude.
24.


LUNA SEA
Do you know what this means?!

NIGHT RAINBOW
A world without Warhol. Imagine it.
It’s our dream, friend. Our final
liberation is in your hands.

STEALS THE FARTS
Like killin’ baby Hitler.

LUNA SEA
Oh Dick! Please! Please save us! We
need you!!

Luna Sea breaks into tears.

CHIEF RAJ
Silence!
(looks at Dick)
This is your sacred vision,
Richard. The choice to accept or
refuse is yours and yours alone.
But understand that if you do go,
there is no coming back.

DICK
Ya mean it’s, um, a, uh-

STEALS THE FARTS
One-way trip to Palookaville.

DICK
This ain’t about hirin’ me no damn
lawyer, is it?

STEALS THE FARTS
A wise dude once said the needs of
the many outweigh the needs of the
few.

LUNA SEA
Or the one.

DICK
Y’all lied? And now you want me to
be what? Your fuckin’ errand boy?

NIGHT RAINBOW
Dick, please. Calm yourself. Surely
you must see how this is bigger
than all of us?
25.


STEALS THE FARTS
You really got anything better to
do, trigger boy?

DICK
Well hell yeah, I do!!

SMASH CUT TO:


MONTAGE - A DAY IN THE LIFE - VARIOUS


QUICK CUTS:

-- IN DICK’S TRAILER -- Dick wakes up alone in his army
helmet again.

-- IN DICK’S PICKUP -- Dick drives down a windy highway in a
Walmart smock listening to conservative talk radio.

-- AT WALMART ENTRANCE -- Dick greets zombie-like CUSTOMERS
that ignore him as they amble into the low-grade consumer’s
temple.

-- IN ALLEYWAY OUTSIDE WALMART -- Dick leans against a wall
with his phone, smoking a cigarette and trolling on 4chan.

-- IN DIVE BAR -- Dick is hunched over the bar sipping whisky
alone.

-- IN THE WOODS -- Dick shoots at targets, donning camos and
his trusty beer helmet.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene at the Weeping Llama Spiritual Center, Chief Raj guides Dick through a vision of Andy Warhol in his art studio. Chief Raj encourages Dick to embrace his role in the cosmic dance and surrender to his deepest desires. Dick becomes frustrated with Night Rainbow and the hippies' motives and refuses to be their errand boy. The scene ends with Dick reluctantly following Night Rainbow and the hippies.
Strengths
  • Unique concept
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Satirical tone
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines satire, surrealism, and character development to create an engaging and thought-provoking sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using a spiritual center and a shaman to guide the protagonist towards a vision of his destiny is unique and intriguing.

Plot: 7

The plot moves forward as Dick is presented with a choice that could change his life and the fate of the world.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While it incorporates elements of spirituality and visions, the use of dark humor and irreverent dialogue adds a fresh approach to familiar themes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are distinct and memorable, each with their own quirks and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

Dick experiences a shift in his perception of his own destiny and the potential impact he could have on the world.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand his role in the cosmic dance and his ultimate desire. It reflects his deeper need for purpose and his desire to find meaning in his life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not clearly defined. It is not directly related to the immediate circumstances or challenges he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is conflict between Dick's reluctance to accept his destiny and the hippies' desire for him to fulfill their dream.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. The protagonist faces internal conflict and skepticism, but there is no significant external opposition that creates a sense of uncertainty or difficulty.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Dick is presented with the opportunity to change the world and fulfill the hippies' dream.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by presenting Dick with a choice that will shape the direction of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected elements such as the vision of Andy Warhol and the protagonist's violent reaction. These elements challenge the audience's expectations and create intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's skepticism and the belief in destiny and the power of visions. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as he questions the validity of the visions and the idea of a predetermined destiny.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from shock and horror to excitement and anticipation.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tone and personality of the characters, but some lines could be more impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces intriguing characters, presents a mysterious situation, and includes humorous dialogue and vivid imagery. The interactions between the characters and the unfolding of the vision create suspense and curiosity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of tension and moments of reflection. The rhythm of the dialogue and the progression of the vision create a dynamic and engaging pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, characters, and conflict, and progresses the narrative through dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and engaging, but it could benefit from more description of the setting and characters. Here are some suggestions for improvement:
  • 1. Setting: The scene takes place at the Weeping Llama Spiritual Center, but we don't have a clear understanding of what this place looks like or where it's located. To enhance the scene, you could provide more details about the temple, such as its architecture, decor, and surroundings. This would help the reader visualize the scene more vividly and create a stronger sense of place.
  • 2. Characters: We meet Night Rainbow, Luna Sea, and Steals the Farts, but we don't know much about them beyond their names and quirks. To make the scene more impactful, you could provide more backstory and motivation for these characters. This would help the reader understand their perspectives and why they're so invested in removing Warhol's influence. Additionally, you could describe their physical appearances and mannerisms more thoroughly, allowing the reader to better understand their personalities and relationships with each other.
  • 3. Dialogue: The dialogue between Chief Raj, Night Rainbow, and Dick is intriguing, but some of the lines could be more specific and clear. For example, when Chief Raj says 'Your deepest desire holds the seeds of your sacred dharma. Look upon the flame, and you will begin to understand your role in this great cosmic dance,' it's unclear what he means by 'deepest desire' and 'sacred dharma.' To make the scene more impactful, you could provide more context and explanation for these terms, allowing the reader to better understand their significance.
  • 4. Visual elements: The scene includes some visual elements, such as the fire pit and the tipi, but they're not described in detail. To make the scene more immersive, you could provide more sensory details, such as the smell of wood smoke, the sound of the fire crackling, and the feel of the ground beneath their feet. This would help the reader feel more present in the scene and better understand the atmosphere.
  • 5. Conflict: The scene includes a conflict, but it's not fully resolved by the end. To make the scene more impactful, you could provide more details about the nature of the conflict and how it's resolved (or not). This would help the reader understand the stakes of the conflict and how it affects the characters.
Suggestions
  • 1. Setting: To enhance the setting, you could describe the temple in more detail, such as its layout, decor, and history. You could also provide more information about its location, such as its proximity to other landmarks and the surrounding environment.
  • 2. Characters: To make the characters more fleshed out, you could provide more backstory and motivation for each of them. You could also describe their physical appearances and mannerisms more thoroughly, allowing the reader to better understand their personalities and relationships with each other.
  • 3. Dialogue: To make the dialogue more specific and clear, you could provide more context and explanation for the terms 'deepest desire' and 'sacred dharma.' You could also provide more details about the vision Dick sees, such as the specific actions Warhol takes and the reactions of the shadowy suitors.
  • 4. Visual elements: To make the visual elements more immersive, you could provide more sensory details, such as the smell of wood smoke, the sound of the fire crackling, and the feel of the ground beneath their feet. You could also include more descriptive language to help the reader visualize the scene more vividly.
  • 5. Conflict: To make the conflict more impactful, you could provide more details about the nature of the conflict and how it's resolved (or not). You could also include more dialogue and action to help the reader understand the stakes of the conflict and how it affects the characters.



Scene 7 -  The Mystical Blessing
INT. DICK’S TRAILER - NIGHT

Once more, Dick lies back on his cot in his army helmet. His
eyes are wide open in restless contemplation.

Dick sighs, slides up, grabs his phone, and places a call.

DICK
You win. Count me in, pard.


EXT. URBAN CANAL - DAY

Dick pants and sweats heavily as he follows Chief Raj over a
graffitied cement ledge. Dick is decked out in camos with
eight rifles strapped to his back, ammo cans in one hand, and
a large duffle bag in the other. Chief Raj carries a sarape
backpack and a sheathed knife on his belt.
26.


Chief Raj reaches the top of the ledge and looks back at Dick
as he lumbers up in exhaustion. Dick arrives and discovers
that he’s at the industrial cement shores of the LA River
where the birch bark canoe from his vision with its
ornamental curved stern is docked in all its living glory.

CHIEF RAJ
This is the Crazy Horse. She will
be our faithful vessel for your
voyage down the rivers of time.

Dick scans the harsh urban riverway barricaded by a
graffitied cement wall, surrounded by train tracks and
industrial sprawl, flowing under an arched bridge.

DICK
Rivers of time, huh?

Dick spits on the ground.

CHIEF RAJ
You mustn’t be fooled by surface
appearances, Richard. Where the
Crazy Horse comes from is of no
consequence. Only where she is
going.

DICK
This keeps gettin’ better and
better.

Chief Raj and Dick sidle down the barricade toward the Crazy
Horse.


URBAN CANAL - ON CEMENT WALL - MOMENTS LATER

From the steady rhythm of the urban ambiance, the strident
whine of an electric wheelchair fades in, accompanied by a
trumpeting conch and ringing bell.

Finally, Steals the Farts emerges in his wheelchair with
Night Rainbow and Luna Sea by his side. They wear japamalas
around their necks and flowers in their hair, carrying
smoking temple bowls and bags. Luna Sea blows the conch and
rings the ghanta (ceremonial bell).


URBAN CANAL - SHORESIDE

Dick and Chief Raj load the last of their gear into the Crazy
Horse and board the sturdy craft with Chief Raj in the back
by the oarlocks and Dick in the front as the trio of robed
hippies descends the barricade.
27.


NIGHT RAINBOW
Oh blessed day! Blessed day! What a
sight for these sore, weary eyes.

Chief Raj greets the hippies with a perfunctory bow.

LUNA SEA
It’s time for the blessing!

Dick looks at Chief Raj with incredulity. Chief Raj shrugs.

The hippies gather around the Crazy Horse, unpack their bags,
and create a pop-up altar with a painting of Varuna
surrounded by a puja lamp, incense, fruit, and flowers while
washing their hands and feet in the river.

The hippies sit around the altar with Luna Sea in the center,
playing the role of the priest. Luna Sea closes her eyes. The
other hippies follow suit.

Chief Raj nudges Dick to close his eyes as well. He does.

LUNA SEA (CONT'D)
Varuna. Minos. Neptune. Great
Spirit. We gather in this place on
this glorious autumn day to beseech
your blessing and protection as our
new friend, Dick Dickman embarks on
his final voyage through the rivers
of time.

While everyone’s eyes are closed in reverence, Night Rainbow
slips Chief Raj a coin pouch. Chief Raj clasps his hands
together and gives Night Rainbow a little bow.

Luna Sea offers more flowers to the altar.

LUNA SEA (CONT'D)
Throughout his life, Dick’s purpose
has been invisible to the world and
perhaps even to himself. Like
Jeremiah, Dick has been mocked and
ridiculed by the unenlightened
peoples of his land. He has even
endured betrayal and
excommunication from his kin and
closest companions, who looked upon
him with the eyes of a false judge.

Dick opens his eyes for a brief moment, finding himself
unexpectedly touched by Luna Sea’s words.
28.


LUNA SEA (CONT'D)
These vicious admonitions have made
an exile of a good man, leaving him
afflicted with the scars of their
unjust slings and arrows.

Dick bites his lip, fighting off emotion.

LUNA SEA (CONT'D)
And yet we know that it is through
these trials that you have prepared
Dick for this moment. He has
received your divine vision, and
his courage has led him to us at
this time, in this place. And so it
is with the utmost sanctity and
humility that we implore you to
wrap your protective wing around
this vessel and shield our brave
champion from the rocky waters and
mortal perils that lie ahead.

Luna Sea pours water into a chalice on the altar.

LUNA SEA (CONT'D)
Deliver Dick from the raging
torrents of history to the doorstep
of the abominable one, Andy Warhol.
Guide Dick’s bullets faithfully
through the milky flesh of that
diabolical demon and let the moral
poison of Warhol’s art be washed
forever clean by the regenerative
rivers of his own blood.

Dick becomes flushed with blood lust.

LUNA SEA (CONT'D)
Let the accursed shadow of Warhol’s
vile visions be eternally
vanquished from our collective
imagination so that we all may
dream of a world worthy of your
holy name.

NIGHT RAINBOW / STEALS THE FARTS
Aho.

Luna Sea places more fruit on the altar and rings the ghanta,
queuing the group to open their eyes. The five group members
join hands and huddle their heads together in a close circle.

All dialogue in [brackets] is spoken in Sanskrit, SUBTITLED.
29.


LUNA SEA
[Please, Varuna. Lead our sacred
soldier, Dick Dickman, from the
unreal to the real.]

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Adventure"]

Summary Dick lies back on his cot in his army helmet, grabs his phone and places a call. He meets Chief Raj at the industrial cement shores of the LA River where a birch bark canoe is docked. The trio of robed hippies join them and perform a blessing ceremony. Dick is touched by Luna Sea's words and becomes flushed with blood lust as she prays for him to kill Andy Warhol. The scene ends with the group huddling together in a close circle, praying for Dick's journey.
Strengths
  • Compelling concept
  • Intense action
  • Mystical elements
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines intense action with surreal and mystical elements, creating a captivating and thought-provoking experience for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using art, spirituality, and revenge as driving forces for the character's actions is unique and intriguing.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses smoothly, introducing new elements and conflicts while maintaining a sense of mystery and anticipation.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a transformative journey and the clash between spirituality and skepticism are not entirely new, the specific details and imagery used in this scene add a fresh and unique perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear, adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Dick experiences a significant transformation throughout the scene, from uncertainty to embracing his role in the cosmic dance.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Dick is seeking a sense of purpose and redemption. He has been mocked and ridiculed, and Luna Sea's words touch him emotionally, suggesting that he desires to prove himself and find meaning in his life.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to embark on a voyage down the rivers of time in the birch bark canoe. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges that Dick is facing, as well as his willingness to embrace the unknown and embark on a transformative journey.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters' desire for revenge and their spiritual journey creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, as Dick is faced with the conflicting beliefs and perspectives of Chief Raj and the hippies. The audience is unsure of how Dick will respond to this opposition and whether he will embrace or reject the spiritual journey.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters embark on a dangerous mission to seek revenge and challenge the status quo.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and setting the stage for the protagonist's journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements such as the birch bark canoe and the spiritual ceremony performed by the hippies. The clash between Dick's skepticism and the beliefs of Chief Raj and the hippies also adds an element of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the spiritual beliefs of Chief Raj and the hippies and the skepticism and cynicism of Dick. This conflict challenges Dick's beliefs and worldview, as he is confronted with the possibility of a higher purpose and the power of spirituality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly anger and excitement, as the characters confront their past and contemplate their future actions.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, but could benefit from more memorable and impactful lines.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a sense of mystery and adventure with the birch bark canoe and the idea of a voyage down the rivers of time. The conflict between the characters and the unique blend of gritty realism and mystical spirituality also add to the engagement.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of dialogue and action, creating a sense of tension and anticipation. The rhythm of the scene matches the emotional beats and the development of the plot.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into a series of dialogue and action sequences that advance the plot and develop the characters.


Critique
  • The scene begins with a lack of context, as the reader is not given any information about what led up to Dick's arrival at the Weeping Llama Spiritual Center. This could potentially confuse the reader and make it difficult for them to fully understand the significance of the events that follow.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj is somewhat confusing and disjointed. It's unclear why Chief Raj is asking Dick if he knows why he's there, and Dick's responses are vague and unhelpful.
  • The scene seems to be overly focused on the vision Dick has, rather than developing the characters or advancing the plot. This could potentially make the scene feel disconnected from the rest of the story.
  • The dialogue between Night Rainbow and the hippies feels forced and unnatural. It's clear that the writer is trying to convey a specific message, but the way it's presented feels contrived and heavy-handed.
  • The scene ends with Dick reluctantly following Night Rainbow and the hippies, but it's not entirely clear why he's doing so. It's unclear whether he's fully committed to their cause or whether he's simply going along with it out of a sense of obligation.
Suggestions
  • To address the lack of context, the writer could consider adding a brief flashback or exposition to help the reader understand how Dick ended up at the Weeping Llama Spiritual Center.
  • To clarify Chief Raj's questions, the writer could consider adding some backstory or context to help the reader understand why Chief Raj is asking Dick these questions.
  • To address the focus on the vision, the writer could consider developing the characters and advancing the plot more in this scene, rather than relying solely on the vision to drive the action.
  • To make the dialogue between Night Rainbow and the hippies feel more natural, the writer could consider giving them more distinct personalities and motivations, rather than presenting them as a monolithic group.
  • To clarify why Dick is following Night Rainbow and the hippies, the writer could consider adding some internal conflict or hesitation on Dick's part, to make his decision to follow them feel more earned and meaningful.



Scene 8 -  Entering the Mirror Realm
EXT. LA RIVER - ON CRAZY HORSE - DAY

Dick and Chief Raj float down the urban riverway on the Crazy
Horse. Dick’s face hardens with steely determination.

LUNA SEA (V.O.)
[Lead him from darkness to light.]


EXT. LA RIVER - BRIDGE OVERPASS - DAY

The Crazy Horse crosses the plane of the arched bridge.

LUNA SEA (V.O.)
[Lead him from mortality to
immortality...]

The faint sound of a didgeridoo is heard, accompanied by a
funky junkyard beat. We PAN with the Crazy Horse until the
source of the sound is revealed behind a bridge column. It’s
the GREEK CHORUS of our production, which includes:

YILEEN, a large Wiradjuri man in a headband and traditional
tribal body paint rocking the didgeridoo

ART BLAKEY, the legendary jazz drummer dressed to the nines
on a drum kit assembled from trash cans and buckets and

MC Virgil: Dick’s hip escort from jail, leading the group on
a steel wireless microphone.

MC Virgil busts into a rap that sets the stage for Dick’s
odyssey through time [Lyrics to be Added].


MONTAGE - POET’S INTERLUDE 1 - LA RIVER

As Dick and Chief Raj navigate the metropolitan river, we
transition to CLAYMATION. The Greek Chorus continues to
accompany the action with their righteous rhymes. We INTERCUT
between the Crazy Horse and the Greek Chorus with colorful
transitions and superimpositions throughout.

The Crazy Horse enters a water tunnel
30.


INT. FORSAKEN TUNNEL - ANYTIME

The Greek Chorus wraps up as the Crazy Horse cruises deeper
into the tunnel with the light fading behind it. We
transition from claymation back to LIVE ACTION.


END POET’S INTERLUDE

A large cloud of mist rises from the water and engulfs the
Crazy Horse as it enters a kaleidoscopic portal constructed
from LED light panels that flicker in a colorful sequence.

Chief Raj remains stoic. Dick tries to take in the strange
new surroundings through the mist. He flinches as the ghostly
echoes of whispery exhalations and murmurs emerge.

DICK
Who is that? What is this?

CHIEF RAJ
A gateway. The only path to the
past is through the mind and spirit
of the passenger.

DICK
No no no no, ain’t no-

Dick falls silent and goes cold when HOLOGRAPHIC VISAGES are
projected into the mist by the LEDs for fleeting moments.

CHIEF RAJ
Of course, the past never looks the
same when we look back on it.

One of the visages lingers, taking the crystal clear form of
a SCORNED WOMAN in her early 30s with brunette hair, thick
eyebrows, and rage in her eyes. She glares at Dick for a
moment, then lurches toward him.

Dick gasps and covers his head as the scorned woman passes
right through him and dematerializes. Dick peaks back up,
gasping to catch his breath.

CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
Their dread turns wish: they yearn
for what they fear.

An air duct releases a gust that sends the holographic
visages into a swirl, and they chase after the lights.

Dick looks back at the haunting scene when it is obfuscated
by a thick layer of fog that devours the Crazy Horse.
31.


DICK
Chief?

CHIEF RAJ
Yes?

DICK
Um, where the fuck are we?

CHIEF RAJ
Entering familiar territory,
Richard. We cross into the Mirror
Realm, where the total sum of your
past actions, dreams, emotions, and
imaginings is cast through the
prism of your psychic being.

DICK
Just another day at the rodeo, huh?
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary Dick and Chief Raj float down the urban riverway on the Crazy Horse, accompanied by the Greek Chorus. As they cross a bridge, the source of a funky junkyard beat is revealed to be the Greek Chorus. The scene transitions to claymation as they navigate the river, entering a water tunnel. The Crazy Horse then enters a kaleidoscopic portal constructed from LED light panels. Holographic visages are projected into the mist, including a scorned woman who passes through Dick. The visages chase after the lights and are obfuscated by fog that devours the Crazy Horse. Dick asks Chief Raj where they are, and Chief Raj explains they are entering the Mirror Realm.
Strengths
  • Engaging and captivating tone
  • Intriguing concept of the Mirror Realm
  • Mysterious and intense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could have more depth and complexity

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and captivating, with its mysterious and intense tone. It introduces a unique concept and propels the plot forward.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the Mirror Realm and the idea that the past is cast through the prism of the character's psychic being is intriguing and adds depth to the story.

Plot: 9

The scene moves the plot forward by introducing the Mirror Realm and setting up the conflict between Dick and the holographic visages. It also raises the stakes by hinting at the consequences of Dick's past actions.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high. The combination of the urban setting of the LA River with the surreal Mirror Realm creates a unique and fresh approach. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their individual personalities.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Chief Raj and Dick, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene. The introduction of the holographic visages also adds an element of mystery and conflict.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Dick's encounter with the holographic visages and his realization of the consequences of his past actions hint at potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and navigate the strange new surroundings of the Mirror Realm. This reflects his deeper need for answers and his fear of the unknown.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find a way back to familiar territory and escape the Mirror Realm. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing of being trapped in an unfamiliar and potentially dangerous place.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Dick and the holographic visages creates tension and raises the stakes. It also foreshadows the challenges and obstacles Dick will face in his journey.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with the challenge of navigating the Mirror Realm and confronting his own past. The audience is unsure of how he will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised as Dick enters the Mirror Realm and confronts the consequences of his past actions. The holographic visages add a sense of danger and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the Mirror Realm and the conflict with the holographic visages. It sets up future challenges and obstacles for the protagonist.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the Greek Chorus and the holographic visages, and keeps the audience guessing about the nature of the Mirror Realm and the protagonist's journey.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the power of the mind and spirit to shape reality and his fear of the past and the consequences of his actions. This challenges his worldview and forces him to confront his own past.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including uncertainty, anger, and excitement. The introduction of the holographic visages and the haunting atmosphere contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the mysterious and surreal tone of the scene. However, there could be more depth and complexity in the conversations between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a mysterious and surreal world, raises questions about the protagonist's past and future, and creates a sense of anticipation and curiosity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of action and moments of reflection, creating a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and interested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the protagonist's goals, and progresses the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or conflict. While Dick is released from detention and offered help by MC Virgil, there is no immediate conflict or tension that drives the scene forward. This makes it difficult for the audience to engage with the characters and their actions.
  • The setting is also unclear. While it is mentioned that the scene takes place outside the D.C. Central Detention Facility, there is no description of the location or environment that helps the audience visualize the scene. This makes it difficult to immerse themselves in the story and understand the context of the characters' actions.
  • The dialogue is also lacking in tension and conflict. While MC Virgil offers Dick help, Dick's response is skeptical and confused, but there is no immediate conflict or tension that arises from this interaction. This makes it difficult for the audience to understand the stakes of the scene and why it matters.
  • The visual elements are also underdeveloped. While it is mentioned that MC Virgil offers Dick help, there is no description of his appearance or demeanor that helps the audience understand his character or motivations. This makes it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters and their actions.
  • Overall, the scene lacks a clear sense of purpose, conflict, and tension that drives the story forward. This makes it difficult for the audience to engage with the characters and their actions, and understand the context of the scene.
Suggestions
  • To improve the scene, you could add a clear conflict or tension that drives the story forward. For example, you could introduce a rival lawyer who is trying to take Dick's case away from MC Virgil, or a police officer who is trying to arrest Dick for a new crime. This would add tension and conflict to the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.
  • You could also add more description to the setting and characters to help the audience visualize the scene and understand the context of the characters' actions. For example, you could describe the appearance and demeanor of MC Virgil, or the layout of the detention facility. This would help the audience connect with the characters and their actions, and understand the stakes of the scene.
  • You could also add more tension and conflict to the dialogue. For example, you could have MC Virgil make a more forceful offer to Dick, or have Dick respond with more skepticism and suspicion. This would add tension and conflict to the scene and make it more engaging for the audience.
  • Finally, you could add more visual elements to the scene to help the audience understand the context of the characters' actions. For example, you could describe the appearance of the detention facility, or the demeanor of the police officers. This would help the audience connect with the characters and their actions, and understand the stakes of the scene.



Scene 9 -  Journey through the Server Fortress
INT. SERVER FORTRESS - ANYTIME

The Crazy Horse emerges from a dense plume of fog into a
vast, ominous, subterranean enclosure lined with server tower
columns the size of skyscrapers.

SUPERIMPOSE: “2012”

The server towers are connected through an elaborate network
of wires to a giant, pulsating electronic brain overlooking
the facility from above.

The curved roof is plastered with streaming video of USERS
looking into the cameras of their phones, computers, and
tablets like mindless zombies. Feeds of TALK SHOW PUNDITS,
CELEBRITIES, and INFLUENCERS flicker across the walls.


SERVER FORTRESS - ON CRAZY HORSE

Chief Raj navigates the digital labyrinth while Dick looks up
at the colossal towers in awe.

DICK
This is my mind? Sure don’t look
familiar. Not by a damn sight.

CHIEF RAJ
The mind hides many things from the
light of awareness.
32.


INT. SERVER FORTRESS - CENTRAL CONTROL ROOM - SAME

MINOS, a tall, imposing figure in a long, indigo velvet robe
that conceals his face, shiny designer shoes with bejeweled
skeleton hands, is perched on a throne surrounded by 360
degrees of control board, monitors, and windows overlooking
the brain and the rest of the facility.

CHIEF RAJ (V.O.)
Here, the phantoms that loom in the
shade of your soul will manifest
the challenges you require.

Minos observes as more new users appear on the ceiling from
streams of current that dart up from the server towers.


INT. SERVER FORTRESS - ON CRAZY HORSE - SAME

DICK
Uh-huh. Any chance we can take the
express route, Chief?

CHIEF RAJ
One does not fulfill his dharma
without preparation. How can one
expect to transform the world at
large if he has not learned to
transform his own spirit?

Dick pulls a handgun from his tactical vest.

DICK
I dunno. Why don’t we ask Mr. Glock
45 here?

CHIEF RAJ
You jest but reveal much. A man who
turns to violence so compulsively
does not have the spiritual
strength to shoulder the burden you
seek.

DICK
Huh.

CHIEF RAJ
I know you do not understand, but
you will. Put your weapon away, but
stay vigilant.

Dick reholsters his handgun.
33.


CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
An entity lurks in this place that
starves for your observance. This
is your first challenge.

DICK
Entity? Who?

Chief Raj looks Dick dead in the eye with severe profundity.
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary In the vast and ominous Server Fortress, Chief Raj guides Dick through the digital labyrinth while imparting spiritual wisdom. They observe the surroundings, including the central control room where a mysterious figure named Minos is seen. As new users appear on the ceiling, Dick briefly pulls out a handgun but eventually reholsters it. Chief Raj warns Dick about his impulsive and violent nature, and also mentions an entity lurking in the place. The scene ends with a sense of anticipation and mystery.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept blending spirituality and technology
  • Engaging and mysterious tone
  • Exploration of inner challenges and transformation
Weaknesses
  • Character development and interactions could be further explored
  • Dialogue could be more dynamic and reveal deeper motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and intriguing, blending spiritual and technological themes effectively. It sets up a unique and compelling concept while maintaining a sense of mystery and tension.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of entering a digital fortress that represents the protagonist's mind is innovative and thought-provoking. It introduces the idea of facing inner challenges and the transformative power of self-discovery.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the protagonist, Dick, enters the Server Fortress and encounters the imposing figure of Minos. The scene sets up the challenges and obstacles that Dick will face in his journey.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high. The unique setting of the server fortress and the philosophical conflict between violence and spirituality provide fresh approaches to familiar themes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, particularly Chief Raj and Dick, are intriguing and have distinct personalities. However, their development and interactions could be further explored to enhance the overall impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Dick experiences a significant character change as he confronts his own violent tendencies and begins to understand the importance of spiritual strength. This sets up a potential character arc for him.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand and navigate the challenges of his own spirit and transform himself. This reflects his deeper need for spiritual strength and his desire to fulfill his dharma.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to face and overcome the challenges presented by the entity lurking in the server fortress. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily between Dick's resistance and Chief Raj's guidance. The introduction of Minos adds a layer of tension and anticipation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with the challenge of the lurking entity and the conflicting beliefs of Chief Raj. The audience doesn't know how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as Dick faces inner challenges and the potential consequences of his choices. The scene hints at the larger impact his actions may have on the world.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the Server Fortress and the challenges that await the protagonist. It sets up the next phase of the narrative and builds anticipation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces an entity lurking in the server fortress, creating uncertainty and suspense about the challenges the protagonist will face.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

Yes, there is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene. The conflict is between the protagonist's inclination towards violence and the Chief's belief in the importance of spiritual strength and non-violence. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as he is confronted with the idea that violence is not the solution to his problems.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including uncertainty, frustration, excitement, and anger. The exploration of inner challenges and the protagonist's transformation adds depth and emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the mysterious and spiritual tone of the scene. However, there is room for improvement in terms of character dynamics and deeper exploration of their motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a mysterious and dystopian world, presents a philosophical conflict, and creates tension between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense as the protagonist navigates the server fortress and confronts the challenges.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action lines.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the characters' goals, and presents the philosophical conflict.


Critique
  • The scene begins with a sudden and abrupt transition from the previous scene, which may confuse the audience. It would be helpful to provide some context or explanation to bridge the gap between the two scenes.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj in this scene feels disjointed and disconnected from the overall narrative. It lacks clarity and coherence, making it difficult for the audience to follow the conversation.
  • The introduction of the Server Fortress and the electronic brain is sudden and unexpected, which may leave the audience feeling disoriented and confused. It would be helpful to provide some context or explanation to help the audience understand the significance of this location.
  • The dialogue between Chief Raj and Dick in this scene feels heavy-handed and didactic, which may come across as preachy and condescending. It would be helpful to find a more subtle and nuanced way to convey the same ideas.
  • The introduction of Minos and his throne feels sudden and unexpected, which may leave the audience feeling disoriented and confused. It would be helpful to provide some context or explanation to help the audience understand the significance of this character and his role in the story.
Suggestions
  • To bridge the gap between the previous scene and this one, it would be helpful to provide some context or explanation about the location and the events that led Dick and Chief Raj to this place.
  • To make the dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj more coherent and engaging, it would be helpful to provide some backstory or context about the challenges Dick is facing and the role Chief Raj is playing in helping him overcome them.
  • To make the introduction of the Server Fortress and the electronic brain more impactful and meaningful, it would be helpful to provide some context or explanation about the significance of this location and the role it plays in the story.
  • To make the dialogue between Chief Raj and Dick more subtle and nuanced, it would be helpful to find a more indirect and metaphorical way to convey the same ideas, rather than relying on heavy-handed and didactic language.
  • To make the introduction of Minos and his throne more impactful and meaningful, it would be helpful to provide some context or explanation about his role in the story and the challenges he poses to Dick and Chief Raj.



Scene 10 -  The Shadowy Orator and the Impending Apocalypse
INT. SERVER FORTRESS - ROCK ISLAND - SAME

From the back of a rickety wooden platform on a rock island
in a remote pocket of the cybernetic hellscape, we see the
silhouette of a SHADOWY ORATOR in a tattered suit and top
hat. The orator addresses an audience of admiring ZOMBIE
ACOLYTES with sunken eyes and rotting skin dressed in shabby
camouflage, hunting hats, baseball caps, and anti-Obama tees
gathered closely around their leader on the platform.

The orator speaks in a familiar accent and cadence, but his
voice is digitized, taking a distorted robotic timbre.

SHADOWY ORATOR
The day is nigh, my friends. No
sir. Ain’t no escapin’ our ultimate
judgment. Not with all the most
powerful supercomputers in the
world. For it was 5,000 years ago
in the jungles of Guatemala that
the algorithms of the ancient
Mayans deciphered the threads that
weave the fabric of our reality.
Their calendar plotted all of time
in a closed circle, and my friends,
that circle is a’closin’.

The orator pauses and bows his head for dramatic effect as
the acolytes swell with dread.

From the corner of his eye, the orator spots the Crazy Horse
turning around a river bend in the distance. The orator looks
back up at the acolytes with foreboding solemnity.

SHADOWY ORATOR (CONT'D)
Perhaps even sooner than we
foresaw...

The acolytes murmur with anxiety.

SHADOWY ORATOR (CONT'D)
Behold! The archangel of the
apocalypse is upon us!
34.


The orator gestures theatrically at the Crazy Horse as it
approaches in the distance. All the sullen zombie eyes snap
toward the Crazy Horse at once.
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary In the Server Fortress of a remote cybernetic hellscape, a shadowy orator addresses a group of zombie acolytes on a rickety wooden platform. Speaking in a digitized voice, the orator discusses the ancient Mayan algorithms and the impending apocalypse. The acolytes listen attentively but become anxious when the Crazy Horse, the archangel of the apocalypse, is mentioned. The scene ends with the orator theatrically gesturing at the approaching Crazy Horse, capturing the attention of the acolytes.
Strengths
  • Intriguing and unique concept
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Foreboding and dramatic tone
  • Introduction of new elements like the Server Fortress
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be further developed to enhance character depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and intriguing, with a strong sense of foreboding and mystery. The unique elements and the introduction of the Server Fortress add depth and complexity to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring ancient Mayan algorithms, visions, and the Mirror Realm is innovative and captivating. It adds a supernatural and mystical layer to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Dick and Chief Raj navigate the river, encounter the Greek Chorus, and enter the Mirror Realm. The introduction of the Server Fortress raises the stakes and adds a new layer of conflict.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a dystopian world and a manipulative leader is not entirely unique, the specific elements, such as the cybernetic hellscape, the zombie acolytes, and the Mayan calendar, add a fresh twist to the familiar tropes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Dick and Chief Raj are intriguing and their interactions with the hippies and the Shadowy Orator add depth to their personalities. The introduction of the Greek Chorus and Minos adds further intrigue.

Character Changes: 7

Dick experiences a moment of realization and understanding, which marks a subtle change in his character. The introduction of the Shadowy Orator and the impending apocalypse also impact the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to instill fear and anxiety in the zombie acolytes by proclaiming the impending apocalypse and the arrival of the archangel. This reflects the protagonist's desire for power and control over the acolytes, as well as their need for validation and admiration.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to manipulate and manipulate the zombie acolytes into believing in the impending apocalypse and the arrival of the archangel. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining their leadership and influence over the acolytes.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a sense of conflict and tension in the scene, particularly with the introduction of the Shadowy Orator and the impending apocalypse. The conflict between Dick's desires and the guidance of Chief Raj also adds to the tension.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is a potential conflict between the protagonist and the skeptical acolytes, it is not fully developed in this scene. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high with the impending apocalypse and the introduction of the Server Fortress. The fate of the characters and the world is at stake.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, such as the Server Fortress and the impending apocalypse. It raises the stakes and adds complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces the concept of the Mayan calendar and the impending apocalypse, which adds a layer of uncertainty and mystery to the story. The arrival of the Crazy Horse also adds an unexpected element.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in their own power and control over the acolytes, and the potential skepticism or doubt of the acolytes themselves. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and their ability to maintain their authority.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of dread, anxiety, and anticipation. The visions and the introduction of the Server Fortress add emotional depth and intrigue.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying the mysterious and foreboding tone of the scene. The speeches of the Shadowy Orator and Chief Raj are particularly impactful.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of suspense and intrigue through the dialogue and the dramatic gestures of the orator. The impending apocalypse and the arrival of the archangel add tension and captivate the audience's attention.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The pauses and gestures of the orator, as well as the reactions of the acolytes, create a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and clarity of the scene.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses with dialogue and action. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene begins with a mysterious figure, the Shadowy Orator, addressing a group of zombie acolytes. The dialogue is heavy-handed and overly dramatic, with the orator's digitized voice taking on a robotic timbre. This creates a sense of foreboding, but the dialogue itself feels contrived and lacks subtlety. The orator's speech about the ancient Mayans and their calendar feels like a forced attempt to tie the scene into the larger narrative. It's unclear how this scene connects to the rest of the story, and it feels disjointed from the rest of the screenplay.
  • The appearance of the Crazy Horse in the distance is sudden and unexplained. It's unclear why the orator and his acolytes are so fearful of it, and it's not clear how it fits into the larger narrative. This creates a sense of confusion and disorientation for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj in the previous scene raises some questions. Dick asks Chief Raj about an entity lurking in the place, but Chief Raj's response is vague and unclear. It's not clear what entity Dick is referring to, and it's not clear why Chief Raj is warning him about it. This creates a sense of ambiguity and confusion for the audience.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of setting. It's unclear where the orator and his acolytes are located, and it's not clear what the environment looks like. This makes it difficult for the audience to visualize the scene and understand what's happening.
  • The scene ends abruptly with the orator's ominous warning about the archangel of the apocalypse. It's unclear what this means or how it connects to the rest of the story. This creates a sense of uncertainty and leaves the audience with more questions than answers.
Suggestions
  • To improve this scene, the writer could clarify the connection between the ancient Mayans and the larger narrative. This could involve providing more context about the Mayans and their calendar, and explaining how it ties into the apocalypse that the orator is warning about.
  • The writer could also provide more detail about the Crazy Horse and why it's causing such fear and confusion. This could involve providing more backstory about the Crazy Horse and its role in the larger narrative.
  • To clarify the dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj, the writer could provide more context about the entity that Chief Raj is warning Dick about. This could involve providing more detail about the entity and its role in the larger narrative.
  • To improve the sense of setting, the writer could provide more detail about the environment and the location of the orator and his acolytes. This could involve describing the surroundings in more detail and providing more context about the location.
  • To improve the ending of the scene, the writer could provide more clarity about the archangel of the apocalypse and how it connects to the larger narrative. This could involve providing more detail about the archangel and its role in the apocalypse that the orator is warning about.



Scene 11 -  The Dark Encounter
INT. SERVER FORTRESS - ON CRAZY HORSE - SAME

Dick takes deep breaths with his eyes wide open as the Crazy
Horse traverses into a dark stretch of the facility. The
lights dim, cloaking Dick in darkness.

Overhead florescent lights flicker and strobe, creating
obscure patterns and distorting the motion of everything in
and around the Crazy Horse.

OMINOUS SHADOWS whisk by from different directions, then
disappear into the darkness. Dick gasps.

CHIEF RAJ
Calm yourself, Richard. Be still.

Chief Raj paddles as slowly and gently as possible. The
grunts and sinister groans of UNSEEN MENACING FIGURES draw
closer and closer.

Dick closes his eyes and clasps his hands together, breathing
heavily, sweating, and biting his lip to stay silent.

All is silent...then-

BRAWRRR!! A mutilated zombie hand grabs Dick’s legs, reaching
up from the murky depths while moaning loudly. Dick releases
a guttural scream. Chief Raj springs into action, whacking
the outstretched arm with one of his oars.

The arm falls back into the water, but as it sinks, the full
complement of zombie acolytes pop up from the water around
the Crazy Horse and swarm Dick. A tornado of limbs wrap
around Dick and tear up his camos as they smother him.

Chief Raj fights valiantly to defend the vessel with his oar,
but the effort is futile. A couple of the zombie acolytes zap
Chief Raj with a taser and toss him overboard.

The zombies pull down on the hull of the Crazy Horse and
capsize it. Dick is dumped into the water along with all his
gear.


DICK’S POV - UNDERWATER

The faint, horrifying mugs of the zombies are illuminated by
the strobing fluorescents above water.
35.


ON DICK - UNDERWATER

Dick looks up at the zombies as he sinks with a faint glimmer
of perplexed recognition.


DICK'S POV - UNDERWATER

The zombies blow bubbles as they roar and reach down to grab
us. They begin to go out of focus.


ON DICK - UNDERWATER

Dick nods off, his consciousness fading.


DICK'S POV - UNDERWATER

The subaquatic scene blurs into total obscurity.

FADE OUT.


BLACK SCREEN

The bloodthirsty chants and rattly growls of a large ravenous
group of fanatics crescendo.

FADE IN:


DICK’S POV - SERVER FORTRESS - ROCK ISLAND - LATER

A series of cloudy figures come into focus from a vague field
of light.


ON DICK

Dick is tied to a wooden stake on the rock island with his
camos in tatters with thin slices of fiber scantily draped
over his beefy bod. His eyes flicker open as he regains
consciousness.


DICK'S POV

The blurry figures crystallize into the ferocious zombie
acolytes who chant and lift their fists, guns, and torches in
unison while chanting.
36.


ZOMBIE ACOLYTES
(in unison)
TRUTH! TRUTH! TRUTH! TRUTH!


SERVER FORTRESS - ROCK ISLAND

DICK
Come on, Richie. Wake up, buddy.
(squeezes eyes shut, then
reopens them)
Ah crap.

Suddenly, the crowd of zombies break into cheers and part
like the Red Sea. Emerging through the rows of fanatical
acolytes is their leader, the shadowy orator.

The orator passes through his acolytes toward a narrow beam
of light, revealing himself for the first time...it’s Dick at
age 50 from the year 2012 (2012 DICK). We now see that he is
going shirtless under his frayed blazer and wearing five
tribal necklaces made of human teeth.

2012 Dick still speaks in his digitized voice.

2012 DICK
Gentlemen. The archangel is upon
us!

The acolytes break into crazed cheers. Dick braces himself.
Genres: ["Action","Horror","Sci-Fi"]

Summary In this scene, Dick and Chief Raj navigate through a dark stretch of the facility on the Crazy Horse. They encounter ominous shadows and the sound of menacing figures approaching. Dick is attacked by a mutilated zombie hand and then swarmed by zombie acolytes. Chief Raj is zapped with a taser and thrown overboard. The Crazy Horse is capsized and Dick is dumped into the water. He sinks underwater and loses consciousness. The scene then transitions to Dick tied to a stake on a rock island, surrounded by zombie acolytes who chant 'TRUTH!' in unison. The crowd cheers as their leader, 2012 Dick, emerges.
Strengths
  • Intense and engaging action
  • Unique and intriguing concept
  • High stakes and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and intense, with a strong sense of danger and impending doom. The unique elements and the high stakes make it captivating.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a cybernetic hellscape and zombie acolytes adds a unique and intriguing element to the scene. The Server Fortress and the digitized voice enhance the futuristic and ominous atmosphere.

Plot: 9

The plot is fast-paced and filled with suspense. The introduction of the zombie acolytes and their capture of Dick raises the stakes and propels the story forward.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of zombies and a dangerous situation is familiar, the specific details and actions of the characters add some freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Dick and Chief Raj, are well-developed and their actions and reactions add depth to the scene. The zombie acolytes are also intriguing and add to the tension.

Character Changes: 7

Dick experiences a moment of recognition and perplexity as he sees his future self leading the zombie acolytes. This hints at a potential character change or revelation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to stay calm and silent in the face of danger. This reflects his fear and desire to survive.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to survive the attack of the zombie acolytes and escape from the water. It reflects the immediate challenge of being surrounded by enemies and the need to stay alive.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in this scene is intense and constant. Dick and Chief Raj are fighting for their lives against the zombie acolytes, adding to the tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is surrounded by zombie acolytes and faces physical danger. The audience doesn't know how the protagonist will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in this scene as Dick and Chief Raj are fighting for their lives against the zombie acolytes. The danger and intensity are palpable.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the zombie acolytes and their capture of Dick. It raises the stakes and sets up further conflicts and challenges for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the protagonist faces unexpected obstacles and the outcome is uncertain. The audience doesn't know if the protagonist will survive or escape.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and excitement in the audience. The perilous situation and the danger faced by the characters create an emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is minimal in this scene, but it effectively conveys the urgency and danger of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it creates a sense of danger and suspense. The reader is invested in the protagonist's survival and wants to know what will happen next.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. It keeps the reader engaged and wanting to know what happens next.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is clear and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climax and a cliffhanger ending.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a build-up of tension and suspense, but it becomes too chaotic and overwhelming as the zombie acolytes swarm Dick and Chief Raj. The suddenness of the attack and the lack of clear motivation for the zombies' actions leave the audience confused and disoriented. It would be more effective to establish a clear reason for the zombies' presence and their connection to the story's overarching themes.
  • The scene also lacks clarity in terms of the setting. The lights dim and flicker, creating obscure patterns and distorting the motion of everything in and around the Crazy Horse. It's unclear whether this is a deliberate effect or a technical issue. The audience needs to be able to distinguish between what's happening in the scene and what's happening behind the scenes. It would be helpful to provide more context and explanation about the lighting and the setting.
  • The scene also suffers from a lack of character development. Dick and Chief Raj are presented as one-dimensional characters with no backstory or motivation. The audience doesn't understand why Dick is so impulsive and violent, or why Chief Raj is so wise and spiritual. It would be more engaging to provide more insight into their personalities and their relationship with each other.
  • The scene also lacks a clear resolution. Dick and Chief Raj are overpowered by the zombie acolytes, and the scene ends with Dick passing out. It's unclear what happens next or how this scene connects to the overall narrative. It would be more effective to provide a clear resolution or a cliffhanger that leaves the audience wanting more.
  • The scene also suffers from a lack of dialogue. The key pieces of dialogue in this scene are brief and disconnected, with no clear connection to the story's themes or motifs. It would be more effective to provide more dialogue that reveals the characters' personalities, motivations, and relationships with each other.
Suggestions
  • To improve the scene, you could establish a clear reason for the zombies' presence and their connection to the story's overarching themes. For example, you could reveal that the zombies are the result of a virus that was created by a rogue AI, and that Dick and Chief Raj are the only ones who can stop it. This would provide a clear motivation for the zombies' actions and a clear goal for Dick and Chief Raj.
  • To improve the scene, you could also provide more context and explanation about the lighting and the setting. For example, you could reveal that the lights are part of a complex network of wires that connect the server towers, and that they are being manipulated by a rogue AI. This would provide a clear explanation for the flickering lights and the distorted motion of everything in and around the Crazy Horse.
  • To improve the scene, you could also provide more insight into Dick and Chief Raj's personalities and their relationship with each other. For example, you could reveal that Dick is haunted by his past mistakes and is struggling to find redemption, while Chief Raj is a wise and spiritual guide who helps him find his way. This would provide a clear motivation for Dick's impulsive and violent nature, and a clear reason for Chief Raj's spiritual guidance.
  • To improve the scene, you could also provide a clear resolution or a cliffhanger that leaves the audience wanting more. For example, you could reveal that Dick and Chief Raj are rescued by a group of rebels who are fighting against the rogue AI, and that they join forces to stop it. This would provide a clear resolution to the scene and a clear connection to the overall narrative.
  • To improve the scene, you could also provide more dialogue that reveals the characters' personalities, motivations, and relationships with each other. For example, you could have Dick and Chief Raj discuss their past mistakes and their hopes for the future, or you could have the zombies reveal their backstory and their connection to the rogue AI. This would provide a clear insight into the characters' personalities and their motivations, and would help the audience understand their actions and decisions.



Scene 12 -  Confrontation and Intervention
INT. SERVER FORTRESS - CENTRAL CONTROL ROOM - SAME

Minos is off his throne, looking down at the rock island from
the window as 2012 Dick confronts Dick on the stake.

NAHASH, a black serpent, slithers up Minos’s shoulder.

NAHASH
(in Aramaic)
He does not belong here.

Minos groans and pushes a button on the control board.


INT. SERVER FORTRESS - ROCK ISLAND - SAME

2012 Dick paces back and forth in front of Dick.

2012 DICK
You would deny your divine nature?
Why, angel?
(MORE)
37.

2012 DICK (CONT'D)
Why do you deprive us of your
judgment and prophecy of truth?

ZOMBIE ACOLYTE 1
Truuuuuuuuuuth!

DICK
I’m tellin’ ya, yer barkin’ up the
wrong tree, pard. Trust me.

2012 DICK
You would deny that the end times
are upon us when the omens are as
undeniable as they are? We may be
mere mortals, your eminence, but we
ain’t blind.

The acolytes chuckle.

DICK
Omens?

2012 DICK
Of course! The ascent of that false
prophet, Barack Hussein Obama - the
foreign-born beast, the risin’ of
the world’s waters-

As 2012 Dick rattles off omens, Dick seems to recognize and
remember something.

2012 DICK (CONT'D)
We got rogue planets, earthquakes,
solar flairs, Russian treaties, gay
frogs, billionaire pedo islands,
and Obamacare. Besides all that, we
got the Mayan calendar. The 13th
b’ak’tun is about to close, then
its curtains.

Dick takes a beat to form a strategy.

DICK
What if I could promise ya the
world ain’t comin’ to an end? That
December 22nd’ll come round, and
life’ll go on like usual?

2012 Dick chuckles in bemusement as he turns his back on Dick
and takes a couple steps away from him into the crowd.

2012 DICK
Oh this is cute. This is cute. He
thinks we’re just fuckin’ around.
38.


Some of the acolytes laugh along. Dick grimaces in
discomfort.

SHINK! 2012 Dick unsheathes a rusty machete from one of the
acolytes, lunges at Dick, and presses it to his neck.

2012 DICK (CONT'D)
WELL WE AIN’T FUCKIN’ AROUND,
ANGEL!!!

The zombies break into a frenzy of bloodlust, roaring,
growling, prancing, dancing, and raising their torches.

2012 DICK (CONT'D)
How ‘bout it, angel? How ‘bout
endin’ the fuckin’ charade? Impart
your message. We know it’s all
goin’ to hell, includin’ us.

DICK
I-I-

The interrogation is interrupted by the harsh, rattling buzz
of a pair of approaching propellors.

2012 Dick and the acolytes look up and find HERMES, a slick
executive type in a handsome suit and steampunk goggles,
descending on the rock island in a pair of mechanical
bumblebee wings. Everyone goes silent with reverent dread.
2012 Dick lowers the machete.

Hermes lands on the island. The acolytes spread out to clear
a path as Hermes approaches 2012 Dick. One of the zombies
roars at Hermes as he passes by.

Hermes stops directly in front of 2012 Dick, lifts his
goggles, and glances at Dick on the stake, assessing the
situation.

HERMES
This is over.

2012 DICK
But he, I mean-

Hermes shakes his head, and 2012 Dick falls silent.

HERMES
It’s over. This is coming straight
from the bottom. Release him.

2012 Dick sighs, nods, and cuts the rope around Dick with the
machete.
39.


2012 Dick and a couple of the acolytes help Dick down from
the stake. When Dick’s feet hit the ground, 2012 Dick puts
his hand on his shoulder and looks deep into Dick’s eyes. A
look of profound recognition washes over 2012 Dick’s face.

2012 Dick leans in close to Dick’s ear and whispers loudly in
a human voice for the first time.

2012 DICK
Remember. You always have a choice.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Fantasy","Horror"]

Summary In the central control room of the server fortress, Minos observes as 2012 Dick confronts Dick on the stake. Nahash, a black serpent, slithers up Minos's shoulder. As the acolytes laugh at Dick's denial, 2012 Dick lists off various omens, insisting on the end times. Dick tries to convince him otherwise, but 2012 Dick becomes aggressive and threatens him with a machete. Just then, Hermes, a slick executive type, descends on the rock island in mechanical bumblebee wings. Hermes orders 2012 Dick to release Dick, and he complies by cutting the rope and helping Dick down from the stake. The scene ends with 2012 Dick whispering something to Dick, leaving the outcome uncertain.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intense conflict
  • Original concept
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing without prior context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and intense, with a strong sense of conflict and high stakes. The dialogue is impactful and reveals important information about the characters and the plot. The unique elements and the overall tone create a memorable and suspenseful atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a cybernetic hellscape, ancient Mayan algorithms, and the impending apocalypse is intriguing and original. It adds depth and complexity to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed and moves the story forward significantly. The confrontation between 2012 Dick and Dick on the stake creates tension and raises important questions about the nature of truth and the end times.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a clash between belief systems and the presence of apocalyptic themes are familiar, the specific combination of religious imagery, colloquial dialogue, and the character of Hermes descending with mechanical bumblebee wings adds a fresh and unique element. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are distinct and their motivations are clear. 2012 Dick is a fanatical believer in the end times, while Dick is a skeptic. Their interaction creates conflict and drives the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Dick experiences a moment of recognition and remembrance, which suggests a potential change in his beliefs and perspective. This adds depth to his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to convince 2012 Dick that the world is not coming to an end and that life will go on as usual. This reflects the protagonist's desire to bring hope and prevent unnecessary panic or chaos.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to be released from the stake and escape the dangerous situation. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between 2012 Dick and Dick is intense and drives the scene forward. The presence of the zombie acolytes and the impending violence add to the conflict level.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as 2012 Dick poses a threat to the protagonist and the zombies exhibit bloodlust. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome this opposition.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as 2012 Dick threatens Dick's life and demands him to reveal the truth. The presence of the zombie acolytes and the impending violence add to the sense of danger and urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing important information about the characters, their beliefs, and the impending apocalypse. It sets up further conflicts and raises questions about the truth.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected actions, such as 2012 Dick unsheathing a machete and Hermes descending with mechanical bumblebee wings. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between belief in the end times and belief in the possibility of a normal future. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as well as the beliefs of the acolytes.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including anxiety, dread, and tension. The high stakes and the intense confrontation between the characters contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals important information about the characters' beliefs and the plot. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between 2012 Dick and Dick.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation, introduces intriguing characters, and includes dialogue that reveals the conflicting beliefs and motivations of the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of tension and moments of dialogue, creating a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses through dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a lot of exposition, which can be overwhelming for the audience. It would be more effective to introduce the setting and conflicts gradually, through action and dialogue, rather than dumping all the information at once.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj feels forced and unnatural. The lines are too expository and lack the spontaneity and authenticity of real conversation. It would be better to focus on character development and subtext, rather than just delivering information.
  • The appearance of Minos and the zombie acolytes feels sudden and unexplained. It would be more effective to build up the tension and suspense gradually, through foreshadowing and hints, rather than just throwing in these elements without any context.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose and direction. It feels like a series of disconnected events, rather than a cohesive narrative. It would be better to establish a clear goal or objective for Dick and Chief Raj, and make their actions and decisions more meaningful and impactful.
  • The scene ends with a cliffhanger, but it's not clear what the consequences of Dick's capture will be. It would be more effective to provide some context and resolution, rather than just leaving the audience hanging.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a more subtle introduction of the setting and conflicts, through visuals and dialogue. For example, Chief Raj could describe the Server Fortress to Dick, as they navigate through it.
  • Reduce the amount of exposition in the dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj, and focus more on their emotions and motivations. For example, Chief Raj could express his concerns about Dick's violent tendencies, and Dick could respond with defensiveness or regret.
  • Build up the tension and suspense gradually, through hints and foreshadowing. For example, Chief Raj could mention the presence of Minos and the zombie acolytes in a previous scene, and Dick could express his unease about it.
  • Establish a clear goal or objective for Dick and Chief Raj, and make their actions and decisions more meaningful and impactful. For example, they could be searching for a way to escape the Server Fortress, or they could be trying to prevent a catastrophic event from happening.
  • Provide some context and resolution to Dick's capture, rather than just leaving the audience hanging. For example, 2012 Dick could reveal his true identity and motives, and Dick could have a chance to escape or negotiate his release.



Scene 13 -  Reflection and Perspective
INT. SERVER FORTRESS - ON CRAZY HORSE - MOMENTS LATER

Chief Raj is perched on the empty Crazy Horse on the shore of
the rock island with smoke rising from his headdress and a
stern expression glued to his face.

Dick approaches the Crazy Horse and stops in front of it,
shivering and covering himself in his torn clothes.

CHIEF RAJ
Come. We have a long way to travel
yet.

DICK
Well shit, Princess, you plannin’
to hang me out to dry again at the
next bend in the river?

Chief Raj squeezes some water out of his dhoti.

CHIEF RAJ
This is your spirit, not mine. I do
not and can not exist in this
place. I must occupy only the
river, the sacred passageway.

Dick continues to shiver as he looks back at 2012 Dick and
his zombie acolytes re-congregating around the platform, then
back at the Crazy Horse.

CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
There is only one path forward,
Richard.

Chief Raj retrieves another folded dhoti from his soaked
backpack and offers it to Richard.

DICK
What’s this?

Richard accepts the dhoti.
40.


CHIEF RAJ
The shirt off of my back to replace
the ones taken from yours.

Chief Raj gestures to the middle of the canoe, where only a
few scattered rations and water jugs remain. Virtually all
the weapons and supplies are missing.

DICK
Ah shit, now how the fuck we gonna-

Chief Raj puts a hand up to silence Dick.

CHIEF RAJ
What is lost shall be found, but
not here. Come.

Dick sighs and climbs aboard.


SERVER FORTRESS - MOMENTS LATER

The Crazy Horse launches off and glides into the calm waters.


SERVER FORTRESS - ON CRAZY HORSE - SAME

Dick, now changed into the dhoti loincloth, gazes back at the
rock island as it grows smaller on the horizon. 2012 Dick
resumes his oration to his devoted zombies. Dick shakes his
head in disbelief.

DICK
It’s strange.

CHIEF RAJ
What’s that?

DICK
Reminds me how I was so damn sure
‘bout everything when I was talkin’
out my ass half the time. But shit,
I wasn’t always wrong. Kinda makes
ya wonder...

CHIEF RAJ
Alpa-Jnaha Svalpa-Matihi. He who
knows little thinks himself wise.

DICK
We really thought the world was
done for back then. I reckoned all
the signs were there.
41.


CHIEF RAJ
Sometimes things are just as they
seem. And sometimes things are made
to seem as they are not.
Genres: ["Sci-Fi","Thriller"]

Summary Chief Raj and Dick are on the Crazy Horse, noticing that most of their weapons and supplies are missing. Chief Raj offers Dick a dhoti to replace his torn clothes. They decide to continue their journey and launch the Crazy Horse into the water. Dick reflects on his past beliefs while Chief Raj offers a philosophical perspective on the state of the world.
Strengths
  • Effective tension and mystery
  • Well-developed characters
  • Exploration of themes of uncertainty and self-reflection
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively creates a sense of tension and mystery with its ominous setting and the impending threat of the zombie acolytes. The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj adds depth to their characters and explores themes of self-reflection and uncertainty. The introduction of unique elements like the Mayan algorithms and mechanical bumblebee wings adds intrigue to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a subterranean server fortress and the presence of zombie acolytes in a cybernetic hellscape is intriguing and unique. It creates a sense of mystery and sets up the conflict between the characters and their surroundings.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Dick and Chief Raj navigating through the server fortress and encountering various threats. It moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and deepening the mystery surrounding the impending apocalypse.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and characters are unique, the themes of self-reflection and questioning one's beliefs are familiar. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Dick and Chief Raj are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations. Dick's self-reflection and Chief Raj's wisdom add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Dick experiences a change in perspective as he reflects on his past beliefs and uncertainties. This adds depth to his character and sets up potential growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reflect on his past actions and beliefs. He is questioning his certainty and wondering if he was wrong about the world ending. This reflects his deeper need for understanding and self-reflection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to continue the journey with Chief Raj. It reflects the immediate circumstances of being in a canoe and facing the challenges of finding lost supplies and weapons.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict as Dick and Chief Raj navigate through the server fortress and encounter various threats. The presence of the zombie acolytes and the impending apocalypse create a sense of tension and danger.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty. The protagonist is faced with the challenge of questioning his previous beliefs and navigating the journey with Chief Raj.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Dick and Chief Raj navigate through the server fortress and face threats from the zombie acolytes. The impending apocalypse adds a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and deepening the mystery surrounding the impending apocalypse. It sets up potential conflicts and character growth in future scenes.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it challenges the audience's expectations by presenting a philosophical conflict and questioning the protagonist's previous beliefs.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Chief Raj's belief in the uncertainty of the world and Dick's previous certainty about the signs of the world ending. This challenges Dick's beliefs and values, forcing him to question his previous convictions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of tension and anxiety through its ominous tone and the threats faced by the characters. The self-reflection of Dick adds an emotional layer to the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj effectively conveys their thoughts and emotions. It explores themes of uncertainty and reflection, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it explores deeper themes and conflicts through the characters' dialogue. The introspective nature of the scene invites the audience to reflect on their own beliefs and convictions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of reflection and introspection, balanced with the progression of the journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the characters' goals, and progresses the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a confusing introduction of Dick and Chief Raj's location. The audience is not immediately clear where they are or what they are doing. This could be remedied by adding a visual or a line of dialogue to establish the setting.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj feels disjointed and lacks context. The audience is not given enough information to understand the nature of their relationship or the events that led them to this point. This could be addressed by adding some exposition or backstory to clarify their situation.
  • The scene lacks tension and conflict. Dick's initial reluctance to follow Chief Raj is not developed enough to create a sense of urgency or danger. This could be improved by adding more obstacles or threats to their journey.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Dick's musings about his past mistakes. This could be expanded upon to provide more insight into his character and motivations.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj is heavy-handed and didactic. The spiritual guidance and philosophical musings feel forced and contrived. This could be improved by making the dialogue more natural and organic to the characters and the situation.
Suggestions
  • To clarify the setting, you could add a line of dialogue where Chief Raj mentions the name of the location or describes its appearance. For example, 'We're on the Crazy Horse, heading towards the Server Fortress.'
  • To provide more context for Dick and Chief Raj's relationship, you could add a flashback or a dream sequence that reveals their history. For example, 'Do you remember when we first met, back in the old world? You saved my life, and I've been following you ever since.'
  • To create more tension and conflict, you could introduce a new threat or obstacle that forces Dick and Chief Raj to work together. For example, 'Look out, there's a pack of zombies coming our way!'
  • To expand upon Dick's musings, you could add a flashback or a dream sequence that shows his past mistakes and how they led him to this point. For example, 'I used to think I knew everything, but then the world fell apart and I realized how little I really knew.'
  • To make the dialogue more natural and organic, you could add more subtext and nuance to the characters' interactions. For example, 'I don't know about all this spiritual stuff, but I trust you, Chief Raj.' This could reveal Dick's doubts and insecurities, while also showing his respect and admiration for Chief Raj.



Scene 14 -  The Enraged Frenzy
INT. SERVER FORTRESS - CENTRAL CONTROL ROOM - SAME

Minos pulls a lever on the switchboard.


SERVER FORTRESS - SAME

A spotlight swivels from high above down onto 2012 Dick on
the rock island. The light animates 2012 Dick, sending him
into an impassioned rant, which rouses the zombie acolytes.

A mirror hanging above the rock island rotates, casting 2012
Dick’s reflection across a network of mirrors suspended
across the server towers until it’s projected as a giant
hovering hologram at center stage.

The demented troll spirit hologram of 2012 Dick zooms around
the perimeter of the roof, casting video montages depicting
various conspiracy theories across all the wall screens,
which sends the users, pundits, celebrities, and influencers
looking down from above into an enraged frenzy.


SERVER FORTRESS - ON CRAZY HORSE - SAME

Dick looks on intently as a projection of Andy Warhol in his
black turtleneck rises up the walls of the facility, towering
over the conspiracy theory videos with strings dangling from
his elongated fingers like a diabolical puppet master. The
strings from Warhol’s fingers attach to various prominent
figures from the videos: J. Edgar Hoover, the Koch Brothers,
Jeffrey Epstein, George Soros, Bill Clinton, and many more.


SERVER FORTRESS - SAME

As the users scream and type, a massive current flows into
the giant brain, accelerating its pulsations and power surges
dramatically.


SERVER FORTRESS - CENTRAL CONTROL ROOM - SAME

Minos groans and rubs his belly as the current from the brain
surges to his throne.
42.


SERVER FORTRESS - ON CRAZY HORSE - SAME

The Crazy Horse crosses the plane of a tunnel as it exits the
cybernetic enclosure.

Dick looks back, observing the towering Warhol, swelling with
anger and dread as he is swallowed by darkness.
Genres: ["Horror","Science Fiction","Thriller"]

Summary Minos pulls a lever on the switchboard, causing a spotlight to swivel down onto 2012 Dick on the rock island. The light animates 2012 Dick, who delivers an impassioned rant that rouses the zombie acolytes. A mirror hanging above the rock island rotates, projecting 2012 Dick's reflection as a giant hologram. The hologram of 2012 Dick zooms around the roof, casting conspiracy theory videos on the wall screens and sending the users into an enraged frenzy. Meanwhile, a projection of Andy Warhol rises up the walls, attaching strings to prominent figures from the videos. As the users scream and type, a massive current flows into the giant brain, accelerating its power surges. The current also affects Minos, causing him discomfort. The Crazy Horse exits the cybernetic enclosure, and Dick observes Warhol being swallowed by darkness.
Strengths
  • Effective use of atmosphere and setting
  • Intense confrontation between characters
  • Building tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Possible confusion with the introduction of multiple characters and concepts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively creates a sense of tension and impending doom through its dark and menacing tone. The use of the cybernetic hellscape and the presence of zombie acolytes add to the horror and thriller elements. The confrontation between 2012 Dick and Dick on the stake creates a dramatic conflict that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using ancient Mayan algorithms and a cybernetic hellscape to discuss the impending apocalypse is innovative and unique. It adds a layer of mystery and intrigue to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the confrontation between 2012 Dick and Dick on the stake. It is filled with suspense and action, keeping the audience engaged and interested.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high. The use of a server fortress as a setting and the combination of conspiracy theories, holograms, and intense imagery create a fresh and unique situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of 2012 Dick, Dick, Chief Raj, Minos, and Hermes are well-defined and contribute to the tension and conflict in the scene. Their actions and dialogue drive the plot forward.

Character Changes: 7

The character of Dick undergoes a change in his beliefs and perspective as he confronts 2012 Dick and the impending apocalypse. This change is significant in the scene.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that it is to expose the conspiracy theories and reveal the truth. This reflects their deeper desire for justice and the need to uncover the hidden agendas of powerful figures.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to use the server fortress to manipulate the users, pundits, celebrities, and influencers into a state of frenzy and expose the conspiracy theories. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of gaining control over the information flow and influencing public opinion.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between 2012 Dick and Dick is intense and filled with aggression. The presence of the zombie acolytes and the threat of the impending apocalypse add to the overall conflict in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of manipulating public opinion and exposing the conspiracy theories. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome this opposition.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters face the impending apocalypse and the threat of being swarmed by zombie acolytes. The confrontation between 2012 Dick and Dick adds to the intensity of the stakes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the confrontation between 2012 Dick and Dick, revealing the presence of Minos and Hermes, and setting up the next stage of the journey for Dick and Chief Raj.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements such as holograms, conspiracy theories, and the manipulation of public opinion. The audience is kept on their toes and unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in exposing the truth and the opposing value system represented by the powerful figures involved in the conspiracy theories. This conflict challenges the protagonist's beliefs, values, and worldview by questioning the nature of power and manipulation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes anxiety, denial, aggression, and dread in the audience. The intense confrontation and the impending doom create an emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue between 2012 Dick and Dick is intense and confrontational. It effectively conveys the conflicting beliefs and emotions of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines intense visuals, dramatic dialogue, and a sense of mystery and urgency. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's mission and the conflict between truth and manipulation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and escalating the actions and dialogue. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the protagonist's goals, and builds tension through escalating actions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene is visually stunning, with the use of spotlights and holograms creating a dramatic and intense atmosphere. However, the dialogue between 2012 Dick and the zombie acolytes feels repetitive and lacks depth. The audience has already been introduced to the concept of the end times, so there's no need to reiterate it multiple times. Instead, the dialogue could focus on the reasons behind the apocalypse and how it came to be. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more character development for Dick and Chief Raj. We don't know much about their backstories or motivations, which makes it difficult to connect with them emotionally.
  • The scene also raises some questions about the logic of the story. For example, how did the Crazy Horse end up capsizing? Was it because of the zombie acolytes or some other external force? It would be helpful to have more context and explanation to clarify this. Furthermore, the scene seems to jump around in time, with the previous scene taking place on the Crazy Horse and this one on the rock island. It's unclear how much time has passed between the two scenes, which could lead to confusion for the audience.
  • Another issue is the lack of clear conflict in this scene. While the loss of weapons and supplies is mentioned, it's not immediately clear how this will impact the characters' journey or the overall plot. It would be more effective to have a specific conflict or obstacle that the characters must overcome in this scene, rather than just a general sense of danger and uncertainty.
Suggestions
  • To address the issue of repetitive dialogue, the scene could benefit from more dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj that explores their personal beliefs and motivations. This could help to deepen their characters and provide more context for the audience. Additionally, the scene could include flashbacks or dream sequences that reveal more about their past experiences and how they came to be in this situation.
  • To clarify the timeline and logic of the story, the scene could include more exposition or explanation about what happened to the Crazy Horse. For example, we could see a flashback of the zombie acolytes attacking the Crazy Horse or a conversation between Dick and Chief Raj about what happened. This would help to provide more context and make the scene feel more cohesive.
  • To create a clearer conflict in this scene, the scene could include a specific obstacle or challenge that the characters must overcome. For example, they could encounter a group of hostile survivors or a dangerous environmental hazard that they must navigate. This would create a sense of urgency and tension, and provide more opportunities for character development and action.



Scene 15 -  Reflections in the Sewer: A Mysterious Journey
INT. SEWER TUNNEL - ANYTIME

The Crazy Horse sails through a narrow, circular sewer
tunnel.

As the Crazy Horse enters a fork in the tunnel, we discover
our Greek Chorus jamming on the boundary.


MONTAGE - POET’S INTERLUDE 2 - SEWER TUNNELS

As the Crazy Horse slithers through the network of sewer
tunnels, we transition to CLAYMATION.

MC Virgil lays down more bars about Dick’s quest, confronting
new doubts and weaknesses as the Crazy Horse works its way
back to the 2000s in the aftermath of 9/11 [Lyrics to be
Added].

As the Crazy Horse exits the sewer tunnel, it transitions
from claymation back to LIVE ACTION, entering a grim riverway
in a cloud of falling ash.

SUPERIMPOSE: “2002”


END POET’S INTERLUDE


EXT. FREEDOM RIVERWAY - DAY

Dick takes in the bleak surroundings through the falling ash.
The riverway is flanked by a miserable, grey, urban cityscape
populated by homes plastered with American flags and “Support
Our Troops” decals. ARMED MILITARY POLICE jog in formation
out of the mouths of giant statue heads of Dick Cheney, Paul
Wolfowitz, and other neoconservative power brokers. Small
pockets of DOWNTRODDEN CITIZENS are observed warily by giant
eyeballs mounted on wire towers. Derricks pump oil by
intermittent plumes of fire on the horizon.

CHIEF RAJ
This is some mind you have on you,
Richard.
43.


DICK
I still don’t rightly know what to
make of it all. Is this place for
real?

CHIEF RAJ
That depends on how you look at it.
Is what is revealed to us in dreams
real?

Dick furrows his brow.

CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
My people believe dreams are a way
of looking into the Spirit World.
You might say the Mirror Realm
exists in the same plane.

DICK
So I’m...dreamin’?

Chief Raj contemplates for a moment.

CHIEF RAJ
Look upon the river just ahead.

Dick obliges, scooting to the bow of the Crazy Horse and
looking out at the clear green waters of the riverway.

CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
What do you see?

DICK
Uh, water.

CHIEF RAJ
Look closer. What do you see?

Dick leans forward and notices the reflection of the sky in
the crystalline waters.

DICK
Clouds, the sun, uh-

CHIEF RAJ
Yes, Wakinyan. Sky Father. We see
him in much the same way we see him
in our hearts: as a reflection. We
know he exists from his reflection
just as we know we have lived from
the reflections of the Mirror
Realm.
44.


DICK
You sayin’ nothin’ I do
here...matters?

Chief Raj scans the Crazy Horse, picks up one of the stones
that have leaked onto the deck, and heaves it hard into the
water, creating large ripples that distort the reflection.

CHIEF RAJ
Like your spirit, the reflection
can be disturbed, even if Sky
Father above is not.

Chief Raj looks up at the sky. Dick mirrors.

Dick’s attention is captured by a large, stained banner
featuring the image of Andy Warhol draped in an Old Glory
that dangles precariously from a condemned factory beneath a
tattered American flag that waves in the breeze.

CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
It is only when these reflections
are undisturbed by your repulsion
and attraction to your past
attachments that your spirit will
be prepared to leave the Mirror
Realm and carry out its dharma with
impeccable resolve.

Dick looks back at Chief Raj.

CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
Your next challenge awaits you
here. It is time to find that which
has been lost.

Chief Raj nods at the scattered rations once more.
Genres: ["Horror","Fantasy","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, the Crazy Horse sails through a narrow sewer tunnel and enters a fork. The Greek Chorus is seen jamming on the boundary. The scene transitions to a claymation montage where MC Virgil raps about Dick's quest. The Crazy Horse exits the tunnel and transitions back to live action, entering a grim riverway in a cloud of falling ash. The year is revealed to be 2002. The main characters present in this scene are Dick and Chief Raj. They discuss the nature of the Mirror Realm and the importance of undisturbed reflections. There is a conflict between Dick's confusion about the reality of the place and Chief Raj's belief in the significance of reflections. The conflict is not fully resolved in this scene. The emotional tone of this scene is contemplative and mysterious. Chief Raj explains the concept of reflections and the Mirror Realm to Dick. Dick questions the significance of his actions in this realm. The visual elements in this scene include the Crazy Horse sailing through the sewer tunnel, the transition from claymation to live action, and the grim riverway with falling ash. The scene ends with Chief Raj telling Dick that his next challenge awaits him and it is time to find what has been lost.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept of the Mirror Realm
  • Engaging dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj
  • Dark and mysterious atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of strong emotional moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively creates a dark and mysterious atmosphere, introduces philosophical concepts, and advances the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the Mirror Realm and the idea of reflections as a metaphor for perception and reality are intriguing and thought-provoking.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Dick and Chief Raj continue their journey, facing challenges and reflecting on their beliefs.

Originality: 9

This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its unique combination of elements. The blending of surreal and dystopian imagery, the exploration of philosophical themes, and the poetic dialogue contribute to a fresh and distinct approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Dick and Chief Raj are developed through their dialogue and actions, but there is room for further exploration.

Character Changes: 7

Dick's encounter with 2012 Dick and Chief Raj's philosophical perspective prompt some reflection and potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to make sense of the surreal and dreamlike world he finds himself in. He is grappling with doubts and uncertainties about the reality of the place and is seeking answers.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find what has been lost. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the Mirror Realm and sets up the next challenge for him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is conflict between Dick's skepticism and 2012 Dick's aggressive beliefs, but it could be further intensified.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist is faced with conflicting beliefs and challenges. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will navigate these obstacles and what the outcome will be.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as Dick and Chief Raj face ominous shadows, encounter aggressive figures, and reflect on the end times.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and deepening the exploration of the Mirror Realm.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces surreal elements and philosophical conflicts that challenge the protagonist's beliefs and expectations. The audience is left wondering how the protagonist will navigate this strange world and what challenges he will face.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the reality of the world and Chief Raj's belief in the power of reflections and the Mirror Realm. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and forces him to question his understanding of reality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of mystery and intrigue, but could benefit from stronger emotional moments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj is engaging and reveals their perspectives on the world and their personal growth.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it presents a surreal and mysterious world, introduces philosophical conflicts, and raises questions about the nature of reality. The dialogue and descriptions create a sense of intrigue and curiosity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of mystery and introspection. The transitions between different elements, such as the claymation and live action, add to the rhythm and flow of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatted correctly.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, transitions into a montage, and then moves to a new location with dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene begins with a description of the Crazy Horse sailing through a sewer tunnel, but it doesn't provide enough sensory details to fully immerse the reader in the environment. Consider adding more descriptive language to create a more vivid and unsettling atmosphere.
  • The introduction of the Greek Chorus in the middle of the scene feels abrupt and disorienting. It would be more effective to gradually build up to their appearance and explain their significance in the story.
  • The montage of Claymation and lyrics in the middle of the scene is visually stunning, but it interrupts the flow of the story and doesn't add much to the plot. Consider finding a way to incorporate these elements more seamlessly into the narrative.
  • The description of the riverway is bleak and unsettling, but it doesn't provide enough context to fully understand the political and social climate of this world. Consider adding more details about the history and culture of this society to help the reader understand the significance of the setting.
  • The conversation between Dick and Chief Raj about the nature of reality is intriguing, but it feels a bit too philosophical and abstract for the context of the story. Consider finding a way to ground the conversation in the plot and make it more relevant to the characters' goals and motivations.
Suggestions
  • To create a more immersive environment in the sewer tunnel, consider describing the sound of dripping water, the smell of sewage, and the feel of the rough walls against the Crazy Horse. Also, consider adding some unexpected twists or obstacles in the tunnel to keep the reader engaged.
  • To gradually build up to the appearance of the Greek Chorus, consider introducing them as a distant voice or a shadowy figure in the background, and then gradually revealing their true form and significance.
  • To incorporate the Claymation and lyrics more seamlessly into the narrative, consider using them as a dream sequence or a flashback to Dick's past, and then gradually returning to the present reality.
  • To provide more context about the political and social climate of this society, consider adding some flashbacks or dialogues that reveal the history of this world and the reasons behind its current state.
  • To ground the conversation about reality in the plot, consider tying it to Dick's quest and his struggle to reconcile his past beliefs with the new reality he's facing. Also, consider adding some concrete examples or metaphors to illustrate the concepts of reflection and distortion.



Scene 16 -  Confrontation and Escape
EXT. FREEDOM RIVERWAY - SHORE - MOMENTS LATER

The Crazy Horse approaches the shore near an industrial hub
lined with warehouses, smokestacks, and cranes.

CHIEF RAJ
This place is familiar to you?

Dick nods furtively.

The Crazy Horse pulls up to the shore. Dick takes a deep
breath and leaps out.

CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
Richard.
45.


Dick stops and looks back.

CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
You will face fear in this place.
Don’t let it master you. Be brave
and return swiftly.

Dick nods and takes off.


EXT. DECAYED URBAN JUNGLE - MOMENTS LATER

Dick huffs and puffs as he runs through the city back alleys.
One of the wire tower eyeballs tracks Dick as he runs by.

Dick turns a corner and encounters a group of PRIVATE
MILITARY CONTRACTORS rounding up ARAB-AMERICAN CITIZENS,
drawing weapons on them, putting bags over their heads, and
frisking them in a humiliating fashion.

Dick stops in his tracks for a moment, becomes conscious of
the fact that he’s wearing a dhoti, then scurries away.


EXT. SURVIVALIST BUNKER - LATER

Dick arrives outside a makeshift brick bunker in the decrepit
industrial hub, gasping to catch his breath.

The door to the bunker is cracked open, and the muffled
chatter of a ham radio leaks out.

Dick approaches gingerly, looks in each direction, peaks
inside, then enters.


INT. SURVIVALIST BUNKER - CONTINUOUS

Dick steps inside the bunker, which is an amateur command
center filled with computers displaying surveillance feeds
and satellite maps, a ham radio plugged into a station,
shelves of filtered water and canned food, a massive gun
rack, and Osama Bin Laden shooting targets.

Dick finds a military duffle bag and proceeds to pack water,
canned food, camos, weapons, ammunition, and supplies.

As Dick bends over to reach for an ammo box under a shelf, a
large ominous shadow descends on him.

Dick looks up and discovers the imposing figure blocking the
light from the bunker door: it’s 2002 DICK at age 40 in full
commando mode with an AR-15 aimed right at Dick’s temple.
46.


He’s dressed in tight-fitting camos with the sleeves cut off
the shirt, an American flag eyepatch over some gauze on an
injured eye, a matching American flag bandana, and a tactical
duty belt for his sidearms and ammunition. 2002 Dick eyes
Dick in his dhoti up and down.

Dick mirrors 2002 Dick, looking up and down at his dhoti.

DICK
No.

2002 Dick plods toward Dick.

2002 DICK
Big mistake, pard.

Dick scampers back like a cornered rat.

DICK
No no no no no no!

THWAP! 2002 Dick smacks Dick across the face with the butt of
his rifle, sending him flying to the ground in a pool of
blood.

2002 DICK
Save it for the U.N., hadji scum.

2002 Dick grabs Dick by the mullet and tosses his rifle.

DICK
Hadji?
(glances at dhoti again)
No no, you don’t understand. I-

2002 Dick pulls a sidearm to Dick’s temple.

2002 DICK
You’re stealin’ my shit, ain’t ya?

2002 Dick bashes Dick’s face into a table.

2002 DICK (CONT'D)
Last time I checked, motherfuckers
who steal our shit ain’t with us

2002 Dick puts a black hood over Dick’s face.

2002 DICK (CONT'D)
And if ya ain’t with us, yer with
them.

2002 Dick handcuffs Dick.
47.


DICK
The fuck do you want?!

2002 DICK
For starters?

2002 Dick cocks his sidearm and puts it against Dick’s mouth
over the hood. Dick nods in fear.

2002 DICK (CONT'D)
You can tell me who the fuck sent
ya.

DICK
Who sent me? What do you mean?
Don’t you-I mean-I’m-

2002 DICK
Ahhh!!!!

2002 Dick smashes Dick’s face into the table a couple more
times, then tosses him to the floor.

2002 DICK (CONT'D)
On your back, fucker!

2002 Dick grabs a small towel and a water jug as Dick rolls
onto his back while coughing and rasping.

2002 Dick steps on Dick’s chest.

2002 DICK (CONT'D)
Was it the Taliban? Al Qaeda? That
rat fuck al-Zawahiri?

DICK
It was just me, I swear! I’m sorry,
okay?

2002 DICK
Lyin’ ain’t gonna get you nowhere.

2002 Dick kneels down, presses his knee to Dick’s chest,
holds the towel over Dick’s face, then pours some water over
the towel, waterboarding Dick. Dick kicks and shakes.

2002 Dick stops pouring and lifts the towel.

2002 DICK (CONT'D)
WHO SENT YOU, FUCK?!

DICK
I-I-I don’t-
48.


2002 DICK
Oh, you want another drink?

DICK
No no no no no no-

2002 Dick smothers Dick with the towel again and pours more
water over it, making Dick squirm.

Once more, 2002 Dick lifts the towel.

2002 DICK
You can save yourself, but I need
fuckin’ details. I’m talkin’ names,
dates, and attack coordinates.
Spill it, bitch!

DICK
What attack?! I’m American!

2002 DICK
Sure. As American as shish kebab.

2002 Dick waterboards Dick some more, then pulls back.

2002 DICK (CONT'D)
I reckon you don’t know nothin’
about Bin Laden neither, huh?

DICK
Bin Laden? Bin Laden’s dead. I mean-

More waterboarding for a longer time. Dick’s legs kick up
wildly in the air from the extreme suffocation and pain.

2002 DICK
Shut up! Shut the fuck up! Don’t
you fuckin’ get it? The jig is up,
pard. I know who you really are and
why you’re here.

DICK
You-ya do?

2002 DICK
I got all fuckin’ day, pard. You
can tell me ‘bout your next target,
or we can keep playin’.

2002 Dick pulls Dick’s head back for another smothering-

DICK
Ok Ok Ok Ok. I’ll-I’ll-I’ll tell
you. Fuck.
49.


2002 DICK
Atta boy. Better me than 72
virgins, right?

2002 Dick pulls the hood off of Dick. Dick bends over in
agony and disorientation, breaks into a coughing fit, and
gasps for dear life.

2002 Dick pulls Dick back up by the hair and holds the gun to
his temple.

2002 DICK (CONT'D)
Well?

Dick scans the bunker and struggles to regain enough
composure to speak.

DICK
Map. You got a map?

2002 Dick grabs Dick and pushes him toward the nearest
computer monitor.

2002 Dick closes out the surveillance feed, pulls up a Google
Earth-style interactive map of the U.S., uncuffs Dick, and
puts the gun back to his head.

2002 DICK
Where, fuck?

DICK
Okay.

Dick takes the mouse and scrolls in toward Colorado. 2002
Dick gives Dick an incredulous look.

2002 DICK
You fuckin’ with me?

DICK
No no no. I meant here.

Dick leans in closer to the screen, puts his fingers on
Colorado Springs then begins dragging it slowly down toward
Cheyenne Mountain.

2002 Dick leans in for a closer look. Dick musters his
courage, then in a sudden violent burst, shoves 2002 Dick’s
face toward the screen, piercing his good eye with the corner
of the monitor.

2002 screams in agony and pulls his hand to his eye as Dick
snags the duffle bag full of weapons and supplies.
50.


2002 DICK
AHHHH!!!! MOTHERFUCKER!!!

2002 Dick, blinded, fires his sidearm off wildly, sending the
bullets ricocheting through the bunker, destroying valuable
equipment and supplies.

Dick bursts out of the bunker.
Genres: ["Action","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Dick arrives at an industrial hub near the shore where private military contractors are rounding up Arab-American citizens. He discovers a survivalist bunker filled with supplies and is interrogated and waterboarded by a version of himself from 2002. Dick manages to blind 2002 Dick, escape with a duffle bag of weapons and supplies, and 2002 Dick fires his sidearm wildly.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Strong conflict
Weaknesses
  • Controversial use of waterboarding

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly intense and suspenseful, with a strong conflict and emotional impact. The use of waterboarding adds a unique and controversial element to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an intense interrogation in a futuristic bunker is intriguing and adds tension to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the interrogation of Dick and his attempt to escape. It is filled with suspense and keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 8

This scene has a level of originality in its depiction of a gritty and dangerous world, as well as the intense and brutal interactions between the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Dick and 2002 Dick are well-developed and their conflict drives the scene. Their dialogue and actions reveal their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

Dick experiences a change in his perception of himself and his identity during the interrogation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to survive and escape from the dangerous situation he finds himself in. This reflects his deeper need for self-preservation and his fear of being caught or harmed.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to retrieve weapons and supplies from the survivalist bunker. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of arming himself for survival and potentially fighting back against his captor.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

The conflict between Dick and 2002 Dick is intense and violent, creating a high-stakes situation.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with a powerful and dangerous captor who poses a significant threat. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome this opposition.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high as Dick's life is in danger during the interrogation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information and escalating the conflict.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected twists and turns, such as the protagonist turning the tables on his captor and escaping. The reader is kept on their toes and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in his own innocence and the captor's belief that he is a threat. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, as he is forced to confront the harsh reality of being perceived as an enemy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes fear, desperation, and aggression, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is intense and impactful, revealing the characters' emotions and driving the conflict.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with intense action and conflict. The reader is drawn into the protagonist's struggle for survival and is invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of this scene is fast and intense, with quick action and dialogue. It keeps the reader engaged and maintains a sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of capitalization, punctuation, and spacing. It is easy to read and understand.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. It effectively conveys the progression of events and the tension in the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is intense and chaotic, with the users and characters becoming enraged and frenzied. However, the dialogue in this scene is sparse, with no specific dialogue mentioned. It would be helpful to have some dialogue that adds to the tension and conflict in the scene.
  • The visual elements in this scene are significant, with the spotlight swiveling down onto 2012 Dick, the mirror rotating to project his hologram, and the projection of Andy Warhol rising up the walls. However, it would be helpful to have some description of the video montages and the conspiracy theory videos that are being projected.
  • The emotional tone of this scene is intense and chaotic, with the users and characters becoming enraged and frenzied. However, it would be helpful to have some description of the emotions that Chief Raj and Dick are experiencing during this scene.
  • The conflict in this scene arises from the conspiracy theory videos and the influence they have on the users, pundits, celebrities, and influencers. However, it would be helpful to have some description of the specific conspiracy theories that are being promoted in these videos.
  • The transition from claymation to live action is visually striking, but it would be helpful to have some description of the claymation montage and the rap by MC Virgil.
  • The scene ends with Dick observing Warhol being swallowed by darkness. However, it would be helpful to have some description of what happens after Warhol is swallowed by darkness.
  • The scene transitions to a grim riverway in a cloud of falling ash, and the year is revealed to be 2002. However, it would be helpful to have some description of the atmosphere and mood in this scene.
Suggestions
  • Add some dialogue between Chief Raj and Dick that reveals more about the significance of the Mirror Realm and the importance of undisturbed reflections.
  • Describe the video montages and the conspiracy theory videos that are being projected in more detail, including specific examples of the conspiracy theories that are being promoted.
  • Describe the emotions that Chief Raj and Dick are experiencing during this scene, including any moments of fear or uncertainty.
  • Add some description of the atmosphere and mood in the grim riverway scene, including any sensory details that help to immerse the viewer in the post-9/11 world.
  • Consider adding some dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj that reveals more about the reason for Dick's quest and the specific challenge that awaits him.
  • Consider adding some description of the specific conspiracy theories that are being promoted in the videos, including any examples of how they are being used to manipulate the users, pundits, celebrities, and influencers.



Scene 17 -  Escape from 2002 Dick
EXT. FREEDOM RIVERWAY - SHORE - MOMENTS LATER

Dick runs for dear life down toward the shore where Chief Raj
awaits, smoking a pipe in the Crazy Horse.

DICK
Get a wiggle on, Chief!

Chief Raj lowers his pipe, sees Dick sprinting toward him,
and rises to his feet.

In the distance, behind Dick, 2002 Dick emerges, stumbling
and twirling about like the Tasmanian Devil with his AR-15 in
hand while blood gushes from his eye.

2002 DICK
RAAAAWRRG!!!

Dick looks over his shoulder and sees 2002 Dick.

DICK
Ah shit.

Dick trips on his dhoti falls.

THUD! Dick hits the deck. 2002 Dick whips his head in the
direction of the sound.

2002 DICK
BLAAAAAAAAGHHH!!!!!!!

2002 Dick fires his rifle off wildly in the general direction
of Dick.

As Dick leaps to his feet, he steps on his dhoti, and it
peels off.

DICK
WAHHH!!!!!

CHIEF RAJ
Richard!
51.


Dick picks up the duffle and darts toward the Crazy Horse in
his tighty-whities, zig-zagging to evade bullets as they
whizz into the water and the grass around him.

Dick screams and leaps into the Crazy Horse head first,
Superman style.

Dick evades the bullets, then tosses the duffle into the
Crazy Horse and leaps in head first, Superman style.

Chief Raj pushes off and paddles rapidly toward the river’s
channel.

2002 Dick continues to fire wildly in the general direction
of the Crazy Horse, sending bullets whizzing into the water.

CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
I take it you don’t practice self-
love.

The Crazy Horse sails further and further away from the
shore, and the gunshots subside.

Dick peaks up over the stern at 2002 Dick shrinking on the
horizon. 2002 Dick pulls the trigger, but it only clicks; the
clip has been emptied. 2002 Dick collapses onto the ground
and discharges a scream of incandescent anger and agony.

Chief Raj pilots the Crazy Horse into the mouth of a natural
river cave adjacent to a series of drain pipe tunnels.
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Dick urgently runs down to the shore where Chief Raj is waiting. 2002 Dick appears and starts shooting wildly at Dick. Despite tripping and falling, Dick quickly gets up and runs towards the Crazy Horse boat. Chief Raj paddles away from the shore while 2002 Dick continues to shoot. The boat enters a river cave, leaving 2002 Dick behind, out of ammunition and screaming in anger and agony.
Strengths
  • Fast-paced action
  • Engaging plot
  • Tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of theme
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and action-packed, with a mix of intense moments, suspense, and humor. The unique elements and fast-paced plot contribute to its high rating.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of time travel and encountering a past version of oneself adds intrigue and tension to the scene. The use of hologram projection and claymation montage adds a creative and visually interesting element.

Plot: 9

The plot is fast-paced and filled with action, keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats. The encounter with the private military contractors and the survivalist bunker adds depth to the story.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While there are no unique situations or fresh approaches to familiar ones, the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds a sense of realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their actions and dialogue contribute to the overall tension and humor of the scene. The interaction between Dick and Chief Raj showcases their bond and determination.

Character Changes: 8

Dick's encounter with his past self forces him to confront his own beliefs and actions. This experience leads to a change in his perspective and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to escape from 2002 Dick and reach safety. This reflects his deeper need for self-preservation and his fear of being harmed or killed.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to reach the Crazy Horse and escape on it. This goal reflects the immediate circumstance of being chased by 2002 Dick and the challenge of evading bullets and reaching safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Dick and his past self, as well as the encounter with the private military contractors, creates a high level of tension and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of evading bullets and reaching safety. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome this obstacle.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Dick and Chief Raj are pursued by private military contractors and Dick's past self. Their lives are in danger, and the outcome of their escape is uncertain.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and conflicts for the characters. It sets up the next phase of their journey.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience doesn't know how the protagonist will evade the bullets and escape from 2002 Dick. The unexpected twists and turns add to the excitement of the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, excitement, and tension in the audience, but the emotional impact is not the main focus.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying the urgency and humor of the situation. It provides insight into the characters' personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it is filled with action and suspense. The fast-paced nature of the chase and escape keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast and intense rhythm. The quick succession of actions and dialogue keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It starts with an establishing shot, introduces the characters and their goals, and progresses with action and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a lack of context, as the audience is not immediately clear on where Dick and Chief Raj are or what has happened before this moment. This could potentially confuse the viewer and hinder their engagement with the story.
  • The introduction of 2002 Dick is sudden and jarring, without any clear explanation of who he is or how he fits into the story. This could lead to confusion and disorientation for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj feels forced and unnatural, lacking the depth and complexity that would make it more engaging and impactful.
  • The action in the scene is chaotic and disjointed, with Dick and Chief Raj running in different directions and encountering various obstacles without any clear sense of purpose or direction.
  • The scene ends abruptly, with Dick and Chief Raj sailing away from the shore without any clear resolution to the conflict or explanation of what has happened.
Suggestions
  • To improve the scene, it would be helpful to provide more context and background information to help the audience understand the situation and the characters' motivations.
  • It would be beneficial to introduce 2002 Dick in a more gradual and organic way, perhaps through a flashback or a dream sequence, to help the audience understand his significance and role in the story.
  • To make the dialogue more engaging and impactful, it would be helpful to explore the characters' emotions and perspectives more deeply, and to use more descriptive and evocative language.
  • To make the action more cohesive and purposeful, it would be helpful to establish clear goals and objectives for Dick and Chief Raj, and to provide more visual and sensory details to help the audience understand the environment and the obstacles they are facing.
  • To provide a more satisfying resolution to the scene, it would be helpful to provide more closure and explanation, perhaps through a conversation between Dick and Chief Raj or a revelation about the nature of the conflict they are facing.



Scene 18 -  Reflections in the Cave
INT. MYSTICAL CAVE SYSTEM - CONTINUOUS

The Crazy Horse enters the cave. The light fades, and Dick
pulls himself back up to his seat, catching his breath and
surveying his new surroundings.

Dick and Chief Raj share a moment of silence as they find
themselves in an elaborate cave system with shimmering
emerald ponds, stalactites, and enigmatic hazy light sources.

Dick looks back at the mouth of the cave as it disappears
around the bend.

CHIEF RAJ
If I didn’t know any better, I’d
say there’s something back there
you miss.

Dick gives Chief Raj a look of pure anguish; the pain and
trauma of his torture experience is in his eyes.
52.


CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
We often hold onto the wounds of
our past because they are all we
know. We allow ourselves to become
our wounds.

DICK
Or our daddies...

Chief Raj looks at Dick with keen interest. As Dick speaks,
he rifles through the duffle bag for the freshly stolen camos
and tactical vest and puts them on.

DICK (CONT'D)
I used to say my pop was “tough but
fair,” but truth is, he was just a
mean son bitch. Come from a whole
line of vets up ‘till me. I was the
big disappointment. When them
planes crashed into the towers, I
reckoned it was my chance to become
the man I was supposed to be.

CHIEF RAJ
Did you?

Dick locates a pack of cigarettes in the vest and lights up.

DICK
My daddy said I was a damn fool
playin’ G.I. Joe. I was a failure
in his eyes right up to the end.
After the way things shook out in
the Middle East, I’d have to say he
was right. “War on Terror.” Shit.

CHIEF RAJ
How can you destroy that which
lives in the hearts of all men?

Dick takes a long drag and blows the smoke out slowly as he
sinks into deep reflection.

As the Crazy Horse traverses deeper into the cave system, we
discover our Greek Chorus kicking it on a rock structure on
the shore of the river cave.


MONTAGE - POET’S INTERLUDE 3 - MYTHICAL CAVE SYSTEM

The Crazy Horse snakes through the steamy interior of the
cavern, and we transition to CLAYMATION.
53.


Our bards lay down some fresh rhymes about Dick’s noble but
foolhardy attempts at redemption and how this recognition has
led Dick to wonder what else he’s been wrong about, including
Warhol being the progenitor of America’s demise [Lyrics to be
Added].

The Crazy Horse approaches a gentle waterfall at the exit to
the tunnel system illuminated by an eerie neon light.

The Crazy Horse transitions from claymation back to LIVE
ACTION.


END POET’S INTERLUDE
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary Dick and Chief Raj find themselves in a mystical cave system with shimmering emerald ponds, stalactites, and enigmatic hazy light sources. As they traverse deeper, Dick reflects on his traumatic past and his strained relationship with his father. Chief Raj offers a philosophical perspective on holding onto past wounds, while Dick opens up about his disappointment in himself. The scene ends as the Crazy Horse approaches a gentle waterfall at the exit, illuminated by an eerie neon light.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Visual creativity
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and visually captivating. It effectively conveys the emotional turmoil of the protagonist and introduces intriguing elements of the story. The use of different mediums, such as live action and claymation, adds depth and creativity to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, including the mystical cave system and the protagonist's inner reflection, is intriguing and well-executed. It introduces elements of fantasy and explores the character's past trauma and desire for redemption.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is well-developed and engaging. It introduces a new setting, reveals the protagonist's backstory, and sets up further conflict and character development. The encounter with the private military contractors and the escape from 2002 Dick add tension and propel the story forward.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the mystical cave setting and the protagonist's internal struggles are familiar elements, the poetic dialogue and the use of a Greek Chorus add a fresh approach to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Dick and Chief Raj, are well-defined and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations. Dick's anguish and Chief Raj's wisdom create a compelling dynamic.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist, Dick, undergoes a significant change in this scene. He confronts his past trauma and acknowledges his desire for redemption. This realization sets him on a new path and propels his character arc forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront and come to terms with his painful past and the trauma he experienced. It reflects his deeper need for redemption and his desire to become the man he was supposed to be.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to continue exploring the cave system and reach the exit. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing in the unfamiliar environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains both external and internal conflicts. The encounter with the private military contractors and the pursuit by 2002 Dick create external tension, while Dick's internal struggle with his past trauma and desire for redemption adds emotional conflict.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. The protagonist faces internal obstacles and challenges related to his past, but there is no immediate external opposition that creates tension or uncertainty.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are high as the protagonist faces physical danger from the private military contractors and emotional turmoil from his past trauma. The outcome of his journey towards redemption and the resolution of the conflicts have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, revealing the protagonist's backstory, and setting up further challenges and character development. It propels the narrative and leaves the audience eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces elements of mystery and raises questions about the protagonist's past and his journey of self-discovery.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between holding onto the wounds of the past and allowing oneself to become defined by them. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as he grapples with the impact of his traumatic experiences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly anguish and reflection. The protagonist's pain and trauma are palpable, and the audience is drawn into his journey of self-discovery and redemption.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and thoughts of the characters. It provides insight into Dick's past and his desire for redemption. However, there are moments where the dialogue could be more impactful and memorable.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it delves into the protagonist's internal struggles and introduces a sense of mystery with the mystical cave setting. The dialogue and reflective tone keep the audience interested in the character's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of reflection and introspection, balanced with the progression of the protagonist's exploration of the cave system.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and narrative description in the correct format.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and progresses the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene begins abruptly without any context or explanation of how the characters ended up in the cave system. This lack of clarity may confuse the audience and hinder their engagement with the story.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj feels disjointed and disconnected from the events that led up to their current situation. It would be more impactful if the dialogue reflected the emotional and psychological turmoil that Dick is experiencing as a result of his past traumas.
  • The introduction of the Greek Chorus in the middle of the scene feels jarring and disruptive to the flow of the story. It would be more effective to integrate their appearance into the narrative in a more organic and seamless way.
  • The use of claymation in the middle of the scene is visually striking but may also be confusing for the audience. It would be more cohesive if the animation was introduced in a more gradual and natural way.
  • The scene ends abruptly without any clear resolution or direction for the characters. This lack of closure may leave the audience feeling unsatisfied and disconnected from the story.
Suggestions
  • To improve the scene, it would be helpful to provide more context and explanation about how the characters ended up in the cave system. This could be achieved through a brief flashback or exposition from Chief Raj.
  • To make the dialogue more impactful, it would be effective to incorporate Dick's past traumas and experiences into his dialogue. This could help to establish a stronger emotional connection between the audience and the character.
  • To integrate the appearance of the Greek Chorus into the narrative more organically, it could be introduced in a more subtle and gradual way. For example, they could be seen in the distance or heard singing in the background before they are fully revealed.
  • To make the animation more cohesive, it could be introduced in a more gradual and natural way. For example, the scene could fade to black and then transition to the animation, or the animation could be integrated into the live-action footage in a more seamless way.
  • To provide more closure and direction for the characters, it would be helpful to end the scene with a clear resolution or direction for the characters. This could be achieved through a cliffhanger or a revelation that sets up the next scene in the story.



Scene 19 -  Swimming Towards Reality
EXT. VEGAS DREAMSCAPE - CANALS - NIGHT

The water from the falls dumps on Dick and Chief Raj’s heads
as they cross through toward the obscure neon jungle beyond.

The Crazy Horse emerges in a somehow more over-the-top,
expressionistic, cartoon-like rendering of Las Vegas during a
light rainfall.

SUPERIMPOSE: “1992”

Dick finds himself surrounded on all sides by jagged,
disproportionate billboards with aphoristic slogans, casinos,
roller coasters, and amusements galore lining the main strip,
casting a grim shadow on the slums just beyond it.

DONG DONG DONG. The reverberating chime of a clock tower
being struck catches Dick’s ear.

Dick spots the clock tower at the center of an electrified
plaza. It’s 11:00PM. Dick swells with apprehension as he
seems to recognize where (and when) he is.

Dick takes a couple of deep breaths through his mouth, then
whips out one of his handguns.

DICK
Pull ‘er over, pard.

CHIEF RAJ
Richard? What is the meaning of
this?

Dick cocks the handgun.

DICK
I said pull over. I ain’t fuckin’
around.
54.


CHIEF RAJ
(shakes head)
Not in your current state. It’s too
dangerous.

DICK
(looks at the strip)
Damn right. Dangerous for someone
out there.

CHIEF RAJ
If you treat the Mirror Realm as
your reality, it will become such.
Surrender control to your
attachments, and you will be
forever devoured by your past.

DICK
Yeah, fuck you. I don’t care.

Dick jumps ship into the water.

CHIEF RAJ
Richard!

Dick swims violently toward the shore.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Fantasy"]

Summary In the Vegas Dreamscape, Dick and Chief Raj find themselves in an exaggerated and cartoon-like version of Las Vegas. Dick recognizes the time and place, pulls out a gun, and demands Chief Raj to pull over. Chief Raj refuses, warning Dick about the dangers of the Mirror Realm. In a tense moment, Dick jumps into the water and swims violently towards the shore, leaving Chief Raj behind.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Surreal setting
  • Engaging plot
Weaknesses
  • Lack of clarity in some transitions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and captivating, with its intense action, surreal setting, and the introduction of time travel. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats and leaves them wanting to know more.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the Mirror Realm, where Dick encounters different versions of himself and confronts his traumatic past, is intriguing and adds depth to the story. The introduction of time travel adds another layer of complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is fast-paced and filled with tension. Dick's encounter with the private military contractors, his escape from his past self, and the chase towards the Crazy Horse all contribute to the overall excitement and progression of the story.

Originality: 9

This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its surreal depiction of Las Vegas and the use of a Mirror Realm. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Dick and Chief Raj, are well-developed and their actions and dialogue reflect their personalities and motivations. The introduction of 2002 Dick adds an interesting dynamic and conflict.

Character Changes: 8

Dick undergoes a significant change in the scene as he confronts his past self and manages to escape. This experience challenges his beliefs and motivations, pushing him to become more determined and resilient.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront and face his past, as indicated by his recognition of the location and time. It reflects his deeper need to come to terms with his attachments and surrender control.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to pull over and confront someone who is out there, indicating a potential threat or danger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with Dick being pursued by his past self and the private military contractors. The tension is palpable and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong as the Chief tries to dissuade the protagonist from his course of action. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with Dick's life in danger from both the private military contractors and his past self. The intense action and pursuit create a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the Mirror Realm, deepening the conflict, and providing crucial character development for Dick. It leaves the audience eager to see what happens next.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the protagonist's decision to jump into the water and swim towards the shore is unexpected and raises questions about his motives and intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire to confront his past and the Chief's warning about surrendering control to attachments. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as he chooses to ignore the Chief's advice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of apprehension, defiance, and reflection. Dick's struggle with his traumatic past and his strained relationship with his father adds emotional depth to the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Dick and Chief Raj, as well as Dick's defiance and determination. The dialogue also provides insight into the Mirror Realm and the consequences of dwelling in the past.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a visually striking and tense situation. The dialogue and actions of the characters create suspense and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively conveys the visual elements and actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the conflict, and builds tension.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a confusing setting as it's not immediately clear where Dick and Chief Raj are. The description of the waterfall and the neon jungle beyond doesn't provide enough context to help the reader visualize the location. This could lead to confusion and disorientation for the reader. To improve this, consider adding more descriptive language to help the reader understand the location and the time period.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj in this scene feels disjointed and lacks cohesion. Dick's sudden switch from asking Chief Raj to pull over to talking about danger feels abrupt and unnatural. This could be due to the lack of clear motivation or context for Dick's actions. To improve this, consider adding more backstory or context to help the reader understand why Dick is acting this way.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj also feels heavy-handed and preachy. The philosophical discussion about holding onto past wounds and surrendering control to attachments feels like a forced attempt to add depth to the scene. This could be due to the lack of organic dialogue and character development. To improve this, consider adding more natural and nuanced dialogue that reflects the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • The scene also lacks a clear conflict or resolution. Dick's decision to jump ship into the water feels sudden and unexplained. This could be due to the lack of clear motivation or context for Dick's actions. To improve this, consider adding more conflict or tension to the scene that leads to a clear resolution.
  • The scene also lacks a clear tone or emotional resonance. The description of the setting and the dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj feel disconnected and lack emotional depth. This could be due to the lack of clear tone or emotional resonance. To improve this, consider adding more descriptive language and dialogue that evoke a clear emotional tone and resonance.
Suggestions
  • To improve the setting and location, consider adding more descriptive language that helps the reader visualize the location and the time period. For example, you could describe the neon lights as flickering and distorted, or the water as murky and polluted. This could help create a more immersive and unsettling atmosphere.
  • To improve the dialogue and character development, consider adding more backstory or context to help the reader understand why Dick is acting this way. For example, you could reveal that Dick has a traumatic past related to Las Vegas, or that he has a personal vendetta against someone in the city. This could help add depth and motivation to Dick's actions.
  • To improve the dialogue and character development, consider adding more natural and nuanced dialogue that reflects the characters' personalities and motivations. For example, you could have Chief Raj offer a more practical solution to the situation, or have Dick express his doubts and fears more explicitly. This could help add more tension and conflict to the scene.
  • To improve the scene's conflict and resolution, consider adding more tension and conflict that leads to a clear resolution. For example, you could have Dick encounter a group of dangerous individuals in the city, or have Chief Raj reveal a shocking truth about Dick's past. This could help add more stakes and urgency to the scene.
  • To improve the scene's tone and emotional resonance, consider adding more descriptive language and dialogue that evoke a clear emotional tone and resonance. For example, you could describe the water as cold and oppressive, or have Dick express his fear and desperation more explicitly. This could help add more emotional depth and resonance to the scene.



Scene 20 -  Confrontation at the Luxor
EXT. VEGAS DREAMSCAPE - STRIP - NIGHT

Dick bolts through UNRULY HORDES of New Year’s revelers.

A pair of lion statues perched on guard like gargoyles
outside a casino turn their heads as Dick runs by.


EXT. DREAMSCAPE LUXOR HOTEL & CASINO - MOMENTS LATER

Dick arrives at a dark, austere pyramid gambling house with a
beam of light emanating from atop the capstone.

Dick bites his lip and makes a beeline for the entrance.


INT. DREAMSCAPE LUXOR HOTEL - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Dick runs down the ornately carpeted hallway of the hotel
along the open face of the pyramid.

Dick stops outside room 3910, which seems familiar to him.
Dick presses his head up against the door and listens to a
male and female voice in the throes of an argument.
55.


As Dick leans in closer to the hole, he’s sucked in flush
against the keyhole by some invisible force. Dick screams and
attempts to resist as his body is shrunk, compressed,
flattened, and sucked through the keyhole.


INT. DREAMSCAPE LUXOR HOTEL - ROOM - CONTINUOUS

The compressed and flattened Dick is pushed through the
keyhole, where his body re-inflates and expands to its normal
dimensions.

Dick covers his mouth to stop himself from screaming when he
discovers he’s staring at the back of 1992 DICK at age 30 in
a kitschy floral tank top and backward Texas Rangers cap.

Dick takes cover in the bathroom but continues to eavesdrop.


HOTEL BEDROOM

1992 Dick’s bedridden interlocutor is his wife, VALERIE
DICKMAN (”VAL”), who we recognize as the scorned woman that
appeared as a holographic visage back in the Forsaken Tunnel.
There’s a panoramic view of the Vegas strip in the window
beyond Val, where plumes of fire from a nearby volcano show
rise periodically.

1992 Dick glances at his watch.

1992 DICK
I’m walkin’ out that door in about
ten seconds, babe. No foolin’.

Val speaks with a strident New Jersey accent.

VAL
So do it already. What do I care?

1992 DICK
Why ya gotta be like that?

VAL
I told you already. I’m sick.

1992 DICK
And right on cue.

VAL
You know, why don’t ya just do
whatever the fuck ya want, Dick?
It’s what you’re good at.

1992 Dick bursts into laughter.
56.


1992 DICK
Whatever I want? What I want? I’ve-

VAL
Shut up! Jesus. Don’t you ever get
sick of the sound of your own
voice?

Val turns away from 1992 Dick in bed. 1992 Dick sighs,
approaches Val, and sits down by her on the foot of the bed.
He softens his tone.

1992 DICK
I really thought this trip would do
us some good.

VAL
I’ve heard the routine. It needs
work.

1992 DICK
Don’t ya remember what it was like
back in the East Village? We was
both so wild and too damn stubborn
for our good, but it was great. All
we needed was each other and a
blank canvas. I tell ya babe, we’ve
lost somethin’.

VAL
We did.

1992 DICK
I figured we could get out of town,
round up the ol’ gang, and just
fuckin’ cut loose for once. I think
that’s what we need, babe. Why
don’t we just get fuckin’ piss
drunk and run buck wild all over
this town? Who knows? Maybe we’ll
find a little of what we lost.


HOTEL BATHROOM

Dick is crouched in the corner, eavesdropping.

VAL (V.O.)
Yeah? You plannin’ to run back in
time.

Dick’s eyes perk up.
57.


HOTEL BEDROOM

1992 DICK
Don’t you miss feelin’ free? Like
us? I mean shit babe, what does it
hurt to try? I mean, what the hell
do you want?

Val whips back toward 1992 Dick.

VAL
I want my fucking babies back, ya
jackoff!

1992 DICK
There it is.

1992 Dick stands and paces toward the door. Val hops out of
bed.

VAL
There’s what, asshole?

1992 DICK
Again with the fuckin’
miscarriages. This is the problem.
You never let go.

VAL
That’s right, Dick. I don’t get to
run from the truth whenever it’s
convenient.

1992 Dick stops and turns back.

1992 DICK
Least I’m tryin’ to do something
about it!

VAL
Yeah, gettin’ sloshed with Steve-O
and Skunk. Someone give ‘em a
fuckin’ metal.

1992 DICK
Yeah? Well what’s your fuckin’
solution, huh??

VAL
Don’t you get it? There is no
solution. It happened. Deal with
it. It’s what the grown-ups do.
58.


1992 DICK
Dammit Val, what the hell do you
want from me?!

Val takes a moment to process, surrendering to the inevitable
and smiling with bittersweet acceptance.

VAL
Nothing. Absolutely nothing at all,
baby.

Val puts her hand on Dick’s cheek, then turns and walks away
from 1992 Dick back toward the bed.

1992 DICK
(under his breath)
Cunt.

1992 Dick makes his exit.


HOTEL BATHROOM

Dick peaks out from the corner of the bathroom, sees the
cracked door, and slips out after 1992 Dick.
Genres: ["Action","Drama"]

Summary Dick runs through the Vegas strip and arrives at the Luxor Hotel & Casino. He listens to an argument between 1992 Dick and Valerie Dickman through the keyhole and is sucked into the room. Inside, 1992 Dick tries to convince Valerie to let go of their past and have fun in Vegas, but Valerie reveals her desire to have their babies back. The argument escalates and ends with Valerie accepting that there is no solution and walking away.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional confrontation
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Exploration of past and relationships
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and impactful, with intense action sequences, emotional dialogue, and a deep exploration of the protagonist's past and relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, which involves the protagonist encountering a version of himself from the past and reflecting on his life choices, is intriguing and thought-provoking.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is gripping and fast-paced, with the protagonist evading danger and confronting his past. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Originality: 9

This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its imaginative depiction of a dreamlike Las Vegas and the use of supernatural elements. The dialogue feels authentic and captures the nuances of the characters' emotions and conflicts.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Dick and Val, are well-developed and their emotions and conflicts are portrayed effectively. Their dialogue reveals their complex personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

The scene brings about a change in Dick's perspective and understanding of his past and relationships, leading to potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to eavesdrop on the argument between 1992 Dick and Valerie Dickman. This reflects his desire to understand their relationship and possibly find a solution to their problems.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid being caught while eavesdropping. This reflects the immediate challenge of staying hidden and not being discovered by 1992 Dick or Valerie.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving both external action and internal emotional struggles.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with conflicting desires and emotions between 1992 Dick and Valerie. The audience is unsure of how the argument will unfold and what the resolution will be.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the protagonist's life and relationships at risk, as well as his search for redemption and understanding.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about the protagonist's past and relationships, and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements such as the protagonist being sucked through a keyhole and encountering a younger version of himself. The argument between 1992 Dick and Valerie also takes unexpected turns.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between 1992 Dick and Valerie. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about relationships, responsibility, and the pursuit of happiness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, particularly through the intense confrontation between Dick and Val and the exploration of their past.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, emotional, and realistic. It effectively conveys the characters' thoughts, feelings, and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a mysterious situation, creates tension through the protagonist's eavesdropping, and explores the emotional dynamics between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of tension and introspection. It keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of capitalization, punctuation, and scene transitions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions of the characters' actions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a fast-paced action sequence, which is visually engaging but lacks context. The audience is thrown into the middle of the action without any clear explanation of what is happening. This could lead to confusion and disorientation. To improve this, it would be helpful to provide some exposition or backstory to help the audience understand the situation.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj in the previous scene sets up the conflict between Dick and the private military contractors, but it is not fully resolved in this scene. It would be more satisfying for the audience if Dick is able to successfully escape from the contractors in this scene, rather than leaving it open-ended.
  • The scene in the cave system is a welcome change of pace, but it feels a bit too introspective. While Dick's inner turmoil is an important part of his character development, it could be more impactful if it is intertwined with the external conflict. Perhaps Dick could have a flashback or dream sequence that reveals more about his past while also providing clues about the present danger.
  • The scene in the Vegas Dreamscape is visually stunning, but it feels disconnected from the rest of the story. It is unclear how Dick ended up in this dreamlike version of Vegas, and why he is so fixated on the past. To make this scene more meaningful, it would be helpful to provide some context or backstory to explain Dick's obsession with the past and how it relates to the present danger.
  • The dialogue between 1992 Dick and Val is intense and emotional, but it feels a bit too one-sided. Val seems to be the only one driving the conversation, while Dick is mostly reacting. To make this scene more balanced, it would be helpful to give Dick more agency and allow him to express his own thoughts and feelings.
Suggestions
  • To provide more context for the action sequence at the beginning of the scene, you could consider adding a voiceover or a flashback that explains what is happening. This would help the audience understand the situation and feel more invested in the story.
  • To resolve the conflict with the private military contractors, you could consider adding a scene where Dick is able to outsmart or overpower them. This would provide a satisfying resolution to the conflict and give the audience a sense of closure.
  • To intertwine Dick's inner turmoil with the external conflict, you could consider adding a scene where Dick has a flashback or dream sequence that reveals more about his past while also providing clues about the present danger. This would help the audience understand Dick's motivations and make the story more cohesive.
  • To explain how Dick ended up in the Vegas Dreamscape, you could consider adding a scene where Dick is able to communicate with someone from the present or from his past who can provide some context. This would help the audience understand the significance of this dreamlike version of Vegas and how it relates to the present danger.
  • To give Dick more agency and allow him to express his own thoughts and feelings, you could consider adding a scene where Dick is able to confront Val and have a more balanced conversation. This would provide a more nuanced portrayal of their relationship and make the scene more impactful.



Scene 21 -  Confrontation in the Dreamscape Luxor Hotel
INT. DREAMSCAPE LUXOR HOTEL - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

1992 Dick sniffs cocaine off his palm as he marches down the
hallway.

DICK
Wait!

Dick pursues 1992 Dick, but as he does so, the hallway
stretches out like an accordion, pulling 1992 Dick further
away.

Dick picks up the pace from a jog to an all-out sprint, but
the faster he moves, the faster the hallway stretches out,
pulling 1992 Dick even further away.

DICK (CONT'D)
Hey!

The banks of lights illuminating the hallway flash off
sequentially, and the patterns on the carpet move like a
psychedelic hallucination.

The lights flash on and off, and all the shapes, colors, and
textures around Dick begin to change their orientation until,
in a flash, the entire space is transformed into...
59.


EXT. VEGAS DREAMSCAPE - STRIP - NIGHT

Where Dick continues to sprint after 1992 Dick through an
even larger RAUCOUS CROWD of New Year’s revelers in the heart
of the strip. 1992 Dick is now accompanied by his knucklehead
friends, STEVE-O (late 30s, aviators, visor, missing front
teeth) and SKUNK (late 30s, black and white mohawk, Black
Flag tee).

1992 Dick and his buddies slow down as they enter a dense
thicket of revelers, allowing Dick to catch up.

Dick puts his hand on 1992 Dick’s shoulder.

DICK
Yo!

1992 Dick turns around. There’s a patch of white powder under
his nose.

1992 DICK
Ayyyyyy! Happy New Year,
motherfucker!

1992 Dick gives Dick a bear hug, lifts him up playfully, then
puts his hands up in double high-five position.

1992 DICK (CONT'D)
Up top, brotha.

Steve-O and Skunk cackle as Dick gently double high-fives out
of reflex.

DICK
Listen. We-er-you have to go back.

1992 DICK
Yeah.
(impersonating Metallica)
Back to Never Never Land.

1992 Dick turns his back on Dick as Steve-0 and Skunk laugh
like hyenas.

Dick puts his hand on 1992 Dick’s shoulder again.

DICK
Seriously, man. Your wife. She
needs you.

1992 DICK
Ohh, my wife. Okay. In that case.
60.


1992 Dick sucker punches Dick in the face with a brutal
uppercut. Dick sees stars as he collapses into a puddle on
the ground with a bloody nose.

1992 Dick does a jig, flipping his two middle fingers and
pumping his arms in the rhythm of his mocking dance.

1992 DICK (CONT'D)
Fuck. You. Fuck. You. Fuck. You.

Steve-0 and Skunk join in, pumping the double birds in
unison.

1992 DICK / STEVE-O / SKUNK
Fuck. You. Fuck. You. Fuck. You.

1992 Dick, Steve-O, and Skunk burst into hysterical laughter,
high-five, and chest bump.

DICK
(to himself)
What an asshole...

Dick wipes the blood from his face with his sleeve as 1992
Dick, Steve-O, and Skunk disappear into the crowd.

Dick looks across the strip to the clock tower: it’s 11:45.

Dick sighs, returns to his feet, and runs back in the
direction he came from.
Genres: ["Action","Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary In this scene, Dick chases after his past self, 1992 Dick, through a stretching hallway in the Dreamscape Luxor Hotel. The surroundings transform into the Vegas strip as Dick catches up to 1992 Dick and his friends. However, 1992 Dick punches him in the face and mocks him, joined by his friends Steve-O and Skunk. The conflict arises when Dick tries to convince 1992 Dick to go back to his wife, but 1992 Dick responds with mockery and violence. The scene ends with Dick watching as 1992 Dick, Steve-O, and Skunk disappear into the crowd, leaving him with a bloody nose.
Strengths
  • Engaging action sequences
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Surreal and imaginative visuals
  • Exploration of deeper themes
Weaknesses
  • Possible confusion due to shifting environments and surreal elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and effectively combines different genres and tones. The action sequences are intense and well-executed, while the surreal elements add depth and intrigue. The dialogue is sharp and the character dynamics are compelling. The scene also explores deeper themes of trauma and self-reflection, adding emotional depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the Mirror Realm and the Dreamscapes adds an innovative and imaginative element to the story. The use of surreal visuals and shifting environments creates a sense of disorientation and mystery. The exploration of past traumas and strained relationships adds depth to the characters and their motivations.

Plot: 9

The plot is fast-paced and filled with suspense. The chase sequence through the Dreamscapes keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome. The scene also advances the overall story by revealing more about the protagonist's past and his motivations. The introduction of the Luxor Hotel & Casino and the argument between 1992 Dick and Valerie Dickman foreshadow future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a character interacting with their past self is not entirely unique, the specific setting and the surreal elements add a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions are compelling. Dick's determination to save his wife and confront his past trauma drives the action and adds emotional depth. 1992 Dick's reckless and antagonistic behavior creates tension and conflict. Chief Raj provides a contrasting voice of reason and caution. Valerie Dickman's emotional turmoil adds complexity to the story.

Character Changes: 8

Dick undergoes a significant character change in this scene. He confronts his past trauma and reflects on his actions, showing growth and a desire for redemption. The argument between 1992 Dick and Valerie Dickman also reveals their changing dynamics and the impact of their past on their present.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to catch up with and communicate with 1992 Dick. This reflects his desire to resolve a personal issue or conflict with his past self.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince 1992 Dick to go back to his wife. This reflects the immediate circumstance of his wife needing him and the challenge of persuading his past self to make a different choice.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external. Dick's pursuit of 1992 Dick creates a sense of urgency and danger. The argument between 1992 Dick and Valerie Dickman escalates the emotional conflict. Chief Raj's refusal to comply with Dick's demands adds tension to their relationship. The conflict between Dick and his past self highlights the internal struggle he faces.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of catching up with his past self and convincing him to make a different choice. The audience is unsure of how this interaction will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Dick races against time to save his wife and confront his past. The danger of the Mirror Realm and the pursuit by 2002 Dick add urgency and tension. The argument between 1992 Dick and Valerie Dickman reveals the emotional stakes and the impact of their choices.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the protagonist's past and his motivations. The introduction of the Luxor Hotel & Casino and the argument between 1992 Dick and Valerie Dickman foreshadow future conflicts and character development. The scene also sets up the next stage of the chase and raises the stakes for the protagonist.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the stretching hallway and the unexpected actions of the characters create a sense of uncertainty and surprise. The audience doesn't know how the protagonist's interaction with his past self will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and desperation to humor and resignation. The exploration of Dick's traumatic past and his strained relationship with his father adds emotional depth to the story. The argument between 1992 Dick and Valerie Dickman elicits empathy and highlights the complexities of their relationship.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations. The banter between Dick and 1992 Dick adds humor and tension to the scene. The argument between 1992 Dick and Valerie Dickman reveals their conflicting desires and sets up future conflicts. Chief Raj's warnings and Dick's desperate pleas add depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a visually striking and suspenseful sequence. The reader is drawn into the protagonist's pursuit and the unexpected twists and turns of the hallway. The dialogue and banter between the characters also add to the engagement.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense as the hallway stretches and the protagonist chases after his past self. The rhythm of the scene matches the increasing urgency of the protagonist's pursuit.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the conflict, and resolves it in a concise and engaging manner.


Critique
  • The scene starts abruptly with Dick chasing after 1992 Dick without any context or explanation. This can be confusing for the audience and hinder their engagement with the story. It would be helpful to provide some backstory or context to establish the reason for Dick's pursuit.
  • The scene lacks a clear objective or goal for Dick. It's unclear what he hopes to achieve by catching up with 1992 Dick, and this lack of direction can make the scene feel aimless and disjointed.
  • The scene is filled with unnecessary details, such as the banks of lights illuminating the hallway flashing off sequentially and the patterns on the carpet moving like a psychedelic hallucination. These elements distract from the main action and can be overwhelming for the audience.
  • The scene features a lot of exposition, with Dick trying to convince 1992 Dick to go back to his wife. This dialogue feels heavy-handed and contrived, and it's unclear why Dick is suddenly so concerned about his wife's well-being.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Dick getting punched in the face and collapsing to the ground. This sudden shift in tone can be jarring for the audience and leave them feeling disoriented.
Suggestions
  • To improve the scene, it would be helpful to establish the reason for Dick's pursuit in the previous scene. This could be done through a brief flashback or a conversation with another character.
  • To give the scene more direction, it would be helpful to establish a clear objective or goal for Dick. This could be something as simple as trying to prevent 1992 Dick from making a mistake that will have dire consequences in the future.
  • To streamline the scene, it would be helpful to eliminate some of the unnecessary details, such as the banks of lights and the patterns on the carpet. These elements can be distracting and take away from the main action.
  • To make the dialogue feel more natural, it would be helpful to incorporate more subtext and nuance. This could be done by having Dick reveal his true feelings and motivations through his actions and body language, rather than through explicit dialogue.
  • To provide a more satisfying conclusion, it would be helpful to give Dick a clear path forward, rather than leaving him lying on the ground after getting punched in the face. This could be done by having Dick get up and continue his pursuit, or by having him realize that he needs to take a different approach to achieving his goal.



Scene 22 -  Tragic Turn of Events at Dreamscape Luxor Casino
INT. DREAMSCAPE LUXOR CASINO - NIGHT

Dick bursts in through the sliding doors of the casino
between two giant faux Egyptian statues, completely drenched
from the rain.

Dick is possessed, running past the swirling lights and
scores of slot machines, blackjack tables, DEGENERATE
GAMBLERS, and SCANTILY CLAD COCKTAIL WAITRESSES with his head
on a swivel, looking in every direction.


CASINO BAR

Dick stops in his tracks with his eyes frozen wide.

Seated under the twinkling icicle lights of the casino bar
amongst the jovial throng of PATRONS is Val, dressed in a
glamorous red evening gown that matches her lipstick. Next to
Val is REGINALD, a handsome businessman with his hand on her
back.
61.


Dick remains frozen as the water drips down from his hat.

Reginald leans in, smiles, and kisses Val.

Dick turns red, re-animates, and runs forward only to run
right smack into an OPPULENT GAMBLER that inadvertently
knocks him to the ground like a nose tackle.

Dick springs back to his feet. Val and Reginald are gone.


EXT. DREAMSCAPE LUXOR CASINO - NEAR PATROL CAR - SAME

FLIP, a surly cop with a crew cut in a baggy hoodie, pops a
clip into a handgun with a scraped serial number, then pulls
a ski mask on over his face.


EXT. VEGAS DREAMSCAPE - STRIP - SAME

The New Year’s countdown commences on the clock tower.

The massive crowd of revelers, including 1992 Dick, Steve-O,
and Skunk, swell with cheers and applause.


INT. DREAMSCAPE LUXOR CASINO - SAME

Once more, Dick runs across the floor of the casino amongst
the swirl of lights and gambling attractions.


EXT. DREAMSCAPE LUXOR CASINO - SAME

A WITNESS passing by double takes when he sees Flip in his
ski mask jogging toward the casino, drawing the handgun.

SLOW MOTION INTERCUT


INT. DREAMSCAPE LUXOR CASINO - CASHIER - SAME


ON VAL

Val has a huge smile as she runs past the cashier toward the
row of elevators on the opposite side, holding her heels in
one hand and Reginald’s hand in the other. Reginald carries a
bottle of champagne.
62.


ON DICK

Dick emerges perpendicular to the cashier and stops when he
catches sight of Val running with Reginald. His heart sinks
into his stomach.


ON FLIP

Flip enters the scene from the parallel casino entrance, gun
in hand. He runs toward the window, inadvertently barreling
between Val and Reginald, knocking them on their backs.

The champagne bottle shatters.


ON VAL

Val looks up at Flip from the ground. Her smile fades.


ON COUNTDOWN CLOCK - VEGAS DREAMSCAPE - STRIP

4...3...


ON FLIP

Flip approaches the cashier’s window and points his gun at
the head of the CASHIER.


ON VAL

Val pulls herself to her feet while Reginald struggles to
catch his breath.


ON DICK

Dick turns his gaze from Val and Reginald to Flip and reaches
into his vest to draw his gun. As he takes aim at Flip, for a
fleeting moment, Flip’s head morphs into Warhol’s!

Dick hesitates in shock and fumbles his gun.


ON COUNTDOWN CLOCK - VEGAS DREAMSCAPE - STRIP

3...2...
63.


ON ENTRANCEWAY - DREAMSCAPE LUXOR CASINO - CASHIER

A SWAT TEAM armed to the teeth in full tactical gear swarms
in.


DREAMSCAPE LUXOR CASINO - CASHIER

The SWAT team takes aim at Flip.

Flip instinctively turns toward the SWAT team, brandishing
his gun.

Dick reaches down in a panic to recover his gun.

The SWAT team opens fire on Flip.

Reginald screams out toward Val.

Bullets fly. Val gets caught in the crossfire.

Dick looks on in horror as Val’s blood sprays.


ON COUNTDOWN CLOCK - VEGAS DREAMSCAPE - STRIP

1...0.


ON 1992 DICK

1992 Dick, Steve-O, Skunk, and the other revelers explode
with unbridled ecstasy in celebration.


ON FLOOR - DREAMSCAPE LUXOR CASINO - CASHIER

Val’s red heels hit a pool of blood on the carpet, followed
by her lifeless head.


DREAMSCAPE LUXOR CASINO - CASHIER

Dick falls to his knees, frozen in shock.

Reginald, back on his feet, lunges toward Val, but he is
stopped and pulled back away from the crime scene by two
members of the SWAT Team.

Concurrently, two other SWAT Team members approach Dick and
gesture for him to step away in the opposite direction.
64.


Dick’s eyes remain fixed on his dead wife as the SWAT Team
moves in, checks her pulse, and shakes their heads.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Dick bursts into the Dreamscape Luxor Casino, searching for Val. He sees Val with Reginald at the bar, but before he can reach them, he is knocked down by an opulent gambler. Meanwhile, Flip, a surly cop, prepares to rob the casino. As the New Year's countdown begins, Dick continues running through the casino. Flip approaches the cashier with a gun, accidentally knocking down Val and Reginald. The SWAT team arrives and opens fire on Flip, hitting Val in the crossfire. Dick watches in horror as Val dies. The scene ends with Dick on his knees, frozen in shock, as the SWAT team checks Val's pulse.
Strengths
  • Intense emotions
  • Tragic twist
  • High level of conflict
  • Surreal setting
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, with intense emotions, a tragic event, and a high level of conflict. The pacing and tension are well-executed, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a chase through a Dreamscape Luxor Casino adds a unique and surreal element to the scene. The use of parallel timelines and the blending of reality and fantasy enhance the overall concept.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear goal for the protagonist (Dick) to catch up to his past self (1992 Dick) and confront his unresolved issues. The twist of Val's tragic death adds a shocking and unexpected turn of events.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the casino setting and the presence of a crime scene are familiar elements, the specific details and the sequence of events provide a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with Dick's determination and emotional turmoil driving the scene. Val's presence and tragic fate evoke sympathy and add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 9

Dick undergoes a significant character change as he confronts his past and witnesses the consequences of his actions. The tragic event serves as a catalyst for his transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront Val and Reginald and potentially stop them from continuing their relationship. This goal reflects the protagonist's deeper need for love, connection, and the fear of losing his wife to someone else.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to recover his gun and potentially intervene in the unfolding crime scene. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of the dangerous situation and the protagonist's desire to protect his wife and maintain control over the events.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and multi-layered, with Dick's internal struggle, the chase between Dick and 1992 Dick, and the sudden appearance of Flip and the SWAT team. The conflict escalates rapidly, keeping the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces multiple obstacles, including the presence of Val's new partner, the surly cop, and the SWAT team. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high, with Dick's pursuit of redemption and the tragic consequences of his actions. The scene also introduces a life-or-death situation with Flip and the SWAT team.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by resolving the conflict between Dick and his past self, while also introducing a new and unexpected conflict with Flip and the SWAT team. The tragic event adds a new layer of complexity to the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements such as the appearance of a surly cop, the presence of a witness, and the sudden violence in the casino. These elements create a sense of uncertainty and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene has a high emotional impact, with the tragic death of Val and the devastation experienced by Dick. The audience is likely to feel a range of emotions, including shock, sadness, and empathy.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts between the characters. However, there could be more memorable and impactful lines to enhance the overall dialogue.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with emotional intensity. The fast-paced narrative and the visual descriptions keep the reader or viewer invested in the outcome of the events.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension. The fast-paced narrative and the intercutting between different locations create a dynamic rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses clear scene headings, concise action lines, and proper dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively builds tension and suspense through the sequence of events and the intercutting between different locations and characters.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong visual hook as Dick bursts into the casino, drenched from the rain. However, the scene then shifts to a close-up of Val and Reginald, which feels like a sudden change in focus. This could potentially confuse the audience and disrupt the flow of the scene.
  • The introduction of Flip, the surly cop, feels abrupt and lacks any clear motivation or explanation. It's unclear why he's wearing a ski mask or why he's carrying a gun. This could lead to confusion and raise questions for the audience.
  • The scene becomes chaotic and confusing as Flip enters the scene and knocks over Val and Reginald. The slow-motion intercut between Dick, Val, and Flip is disorienting and doesn't add much to the scene. It could potentially distract the audience and take away from the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The introduction of the SWAT team feels sudden and lacks any clear explanation. It's unclear why they're there and what their motivation is. This could lead to confusion and raise questions for the audience.
  • The scene ends on a tragic note with Val's death. However, the scene doesn't provide enough context or backstory to make the audience care about Val's character. This could potentially make the audience feel disconnected and detached from the scene.
Suggestions
  • To improve the scene, it would be helpful to establish a clear motivation and explanation for Flip's actions. This could help the audience understand his character and why he's carrying a gun.
  • To improve the flow of the scene, it would be helpful to provide more context and backstory for Val's character. This could help the audience care about her and feel more invested in the scene.
  • To improve the emotional impact of the scene, it would be helpful to slow down the pace and provide more time for the audience to process the events. This could help the audience connect with the characters and feel more invested in the scene.
  • To improve the clarity of the scene, it would be helpful to provide more context and explanation for the SWAT team's actions. This could help the audience understand their motivation and why they're there.
  • To improve the overall impact of the scene, it would be helpful to provide more context and backstory for Dick's character. This could help the audience understand his motivation and why he's so invested in saving Val.



Scene 23 -  Running Through Regret
EXT. VEGAS DREAMSCAPE - STRIP - ON DICK - LATER

We GLIDE TIGHT on Dick, possessed, running with all his might
in a cold sweat. He floats across the strip as though he’s
being carried by an invisible moving walkway.


BEGIN SUPERIMPOSED FLASHBACK VIGNETTES

These mini-scenes are superimposed over Dick running and the
obscure neon lights behind him, floating slowly across him as
he runs, transitioning from one to another.

DISSOLVE TO:


EXT. DICK SR’S CAR - EL PASO, TX - DAY

DICK SR, a gruff middle-aged man with a neat crew cut, beer
gut, and a United States Marine Corps tattoo on his shoulder
in aviators and a bowling shirt, is behind the wheel smoking
a cigarette. In the passenger seat is the pasty 1972 DICK at
age 10 with neatly-parted hair.

They pass a Vietnam War protest on a college courtyard
populated by HIPPIES with picket signs.

Dick Sr shakes his head.

DICK SR
Look at these fuckin’ longhair
fruits. You know what this is, boy?


EXT. CEMETARY - DAY

1992 Dick is in a black tuxedo standing amongst a crowd of
MOURNERS dressed in black in front of a coffin beside a
tombstone where a PRIEST leads the ceremony.

On the tombstone:

“VALERIE PETRUSHKA DICKMAN
1959-1992”
65.


An older couple that appears to be Val’s parents, LYDIA
(wrinkly, long neck, brunette) and VICTOR (tall, lanky, wavy
grey locks), are huddled together at the front of the
congregation. Lydia sobs on Victor’s shoulder.

Victor looks at 1992 Dick and gives him a long scathing
glare. We hear Dick Sr continue his diatribe from the car.

DICK SR (V.O.)
An entire generation of men failing
in their most basic duty after 200
years of patriots makin’ this place
a fuckin’ paradise for ‘em.


EXT. LOWER MANHATTAN - DAY

1992 Dick slinks away from a nearby skyscraper in a scruffy
business suit with a box full of his personal belongings.

DICK SR (V.O.)
A man that can’t provide...


I/E. DICKMAN RESIDENCE - DAY

1992 Dick rings the doorbell of a modest, one-story home,
twirling the wedding band on his finger in anticipation.

The door swings open where an older, balder Dick Sr stands
with his arms crossed and a scowl glued to his face.

Dick bashfully pleads with his father, who stares back at him
with his eyes filled with contempt.

DICK SR (V.O.)
That leaches off of society and
those that came before...

Meanwhile, on the couch behind Dick Sr, Dick’s mother,
DOROTHY, a thin, nervous, curly-haired woman in her 60s,
knits frantically.

Dick Sr slams the door on Dick.

Dorothy covers her mouth in grief.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Dick runs through the Vegas strip in a dreamlike state, haunted by flashbacks of his past. The flashbacks include scenes of his father expressing disapproval of Vietnam War protesters, mourning at a cemetery, leaving a skyscraper with his belongings, and pleading with his father at home. The strained relationship between Dick and his father is evident, with rejection being the final blow as Dick Sr slams the door on him.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling plot
  • Well-developed characters
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively conveys the protagonist's emotional turmoil and builds tension through the use of flashbacks and dreamlike sequences. The combination of intense action and poignant moments creates a compelling and memorable scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the protagonist's past and its impact on his present is intriguing and adds depth to the story. The use of flashbacks and dream sequences enhances the surreal and introspective nature of the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the protagonist's pursuit of his past self and his search for his lost love. The tension and conflict are heightened by the presence of other characters and the impending robbery. The scene moves the story forward and reveals important information about the protagonist's past.

Originality: 9

This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its combination of different locations and time periods, the use of superimposed flashback vignettes, and the exploration of themes of family, identity, and societal expectations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly conveyed. The protagonist's internal struggle and his desire to reconcile with his past self and lost love are particularly compelling.

Character Changes: 9

The protagonist undergoes significant emotional changes in the scene, as he confronts his past and experiences loss. His pursuit of his past self and his desire to change his fate demonstrate his growth and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront and come to terms with his past, particularly his relationship with his father and the choices he has made in his life. It reflects his deeper need for acceptance, forgiveness, and self-understanding.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that he is seeking reconciliation with his father and trying to find a sense of belonging and purpose in his life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external. The protagonist's internal conflict is evident in his pursuit of his past self and his desire to change the course of his life. The external conflict arises from the impending robbery and the presence of other characters with conflicting goals.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces internal and external obstacles in his quest for reconciliation and self-understanding. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation with his father will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the protagonist's pursuit of his past self and his desire to change his fate are driven by his deep emotional connection to his lost love. The impending robbery adds an element of danger and raises the stakes even further.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about the protagonist's past and his motivations. The impending robbery and the death of the protagonist's lost love create new obstacles and raise the stakes for the protagonist.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it combines different locations and time periods, creating unexpected connections and revelations about the protagonist's past. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the protagonist's confrontation with his father.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between traditional societal expectations and individual desires for fulfillment and self-expression. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about what it means to be a man and the role of family and society in shaping one's identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions in the reader/viewer, particularly through the protagonist's grief and regret. The death of his lost love adds a tragic and poignant element to the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations. The arguments between the protagonist and his past self and the conversation between the protagonist and his father reveal important aspects of their relationships.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it presents a series of emotionally charged moments and raises questions about the protagonist's past and future. The use of flashback vignettes adds intrigue and depth to the narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of reflection and moments of action. The rhythm of the scene matches the emotional beats and builds tension and anticipation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and narrative description in a clear and organized manner.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the protagonist's internal and external goals, and presents a series of flashback vignettes that contribute to the narrative arc.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a fast-paced and intense visual sequence, which immediately grabs the viewer's attention. However, the sudden transition to the flashback scenes might confuse the audience as they are not clearly connected to the present scene. It would be better to provide some context or a clearer transition to help the viewer understand the connection between the scenes.
  • The dialogue in the flashback scenes is effective in conveying the emotions and conflicts of the characters. However, the voiceover by Dick Sr in the first flashback scene feels out of place and disrupts the flow of the scene. It would be better to integrate his dialogue into the present scene or remove it altogether.
  • The scene ends with a tragic and emotional moment, which leaves the viewer feeling overwhelmed. However, the sudden and abrupt ending might leave the viewer feeling unsatisfied as there is no clear resolution to the conflict. It would be better to provide some closure or a clearer resolution to the conflict.
  • The visual elements in the scene, such as the neon lights and the superimposed flashback scenes, are effective in creating a surreal and dreamlike atmosphere. However, some of the visuals, such as the Hippies in the first flashback scene, might feel clichéd and overused. It would be better to provide some fresh and original visuals to make the scene more memorable and impactful.
  • The use of music and sound effects in the scene is effective in creating a tense and emotional atmosphere. However, some of the sound effects, such as the gunshot in the last flashback scene, might feel too loud and jarring. It would be better to use sound effects sparingly and in a more subtle and nuanced way.
Suggestions
  • To connect the flashback scenes to the present scene, you could use some visual or auditory cues, such as a recurring image or a sound, to link the scenes together. For example, you could use the sound of Dick's footsteps in the present scene to transition to the flashback scenes, or you could use a recurring image, such as a photograph or a symbol, to connect the scenes.
  • To provide some closure to the conflict, you could use some dialogue or a visual cue to show how the characters have learned from their mistakes and moved on. For example, you could have Dick reflect on his past mistakes and how they have shaped him into the person he is today, or you could have Val's parents forgive Dick and offer him some comfort in his time of need.
  • To provide some fresh and original visuals, you could use some surreal or dreamlike elements, such as distorted perspectives or surreal landscapes, to create a more memorable and impactful scene. For example, you could use a distorted mirror to reflect Dick's inner turmoil, or you could use a surreal landscape, such as a desert or a forest, to symbolize Dick's emotional journey.
  • To use sound effects more subtly and nuancedly, you could use some ambient sounds, such as the sound of rain or the sound of wind, to create a more immersive and atmospheric scene. For example, you could use the sound of rain to create a more emotional and poignant scene, or you could use the sound of wind to create a more surreal and dreamlike scene.



Scene 24 -  Running from the Past
EXT. DICK'S TRAILER - DAY

Dick’s pickup pulls to the end of the driveway where the
familiar airstream trailer is parked.
66.


The pickup bed is packed to the brim with boxes and
furniture, tenuously fastened down by a network of ropes.
Both the pickup and the trailer are much less decayed by
time.

The pickup pulls to a stop in front of the trailer. 2002 Dick
steps out with a cigarette in his mouth. 2002 Dick takes a
long gander at the trailer, then stamps out his cigarette.

DICK SR (V.O.)
That runs away from his
responsibilities...


INT. HOUSE BASEMENT - ANYTIME

2002 Dick is seated on a foldout chair in a dingy basement
surrounded by a group of ANGRY WHITE MILITIAMEN with a
pamphlet in his hand for the “PATRIOT PRIDE ALLIANCE.”

2002 Dick’s eyes shift in front of him where a SPOKESMAN
makes an impassioned speech behind a podium with a banner
with the militia’s insignia hanging behind him.


DICK SR (V.O.)
That turns his back on his own
country...


EXT. WOODS - DAY

2002 Dick lies prone in his combat fatigues, firing his AR-15
at Osama Bin Laden targets stapled to trees alongside other
MILITIA MEMBERS.

DICK SR (V.O.)
That don’t protect his own...


EXT. SURVIVALIST BUNKER - DAY

2002 Dick and the other militia members erect a wall of the
bunker that we saw completed in the 2002 sequence.

DICK SR (V.O.)
A man like that, well, that ain’t
no kinda man at all.

DISSOLVE TO:


BACK TO SCENE - VEGAS DREAMSCAPE - STRIP - ON DICK
67.


END SUPERIMPOSED FLASHBACK VIGNETTES

END SLOW MOTION INTERCUT

Dick picks up speed, gliding faster and faster as the
flashback vignettes dissolve into a blur of color that blends
with the swirl of neon lights from the strip.

From the corner of his eye, Dick catches his reflection from
the window of the casino and double-takes when he sees that
it is little 1972 Dick.

Dick stops, gasps, and leans in close to the casino window to
examine his reflection, touching his face and looking down at
the frightened child staring back at him.

Suddenly, all of the lights around Dick begin to fade as if
someone was turning the dimmer switch to the city down.

Dick steps back and finds that the streets and casinos around
him are completely empty, and the lights are all off.

Dick steps out to the side street and looks up at the sky.
The stars are now visible, shining brightly over the forlorn
dreamscape. Then, a blanket of storm clouds materializes,
masking the stars and shrouding Dick in darkness.

The sound of a deep, rumbling growl crescendos and a faint
green light fades in over his right shoulder.

Dick slowly turns around, and his eyes grow wide.

A plume of vapor rises around a mysterious, softball-sized
orb that casts the green light into the black night. The
vapor begins to clear, revealing the grim, towering figure of
Minos standing before Dick with a long black-oak scepter with
the orb of green light attached to the head.

Dick turns white, about faces, and bolts off, sprinting away
from Minos with all his might.

Minos groans and pounds his scepter into the ground, sending
out circular shockwaves in every direction that create black
holes, causing the streets to cave into nothingness along
with all the buildings and structures.

Dick pulls the brakes as the ground in front of him collapses
into an endless abyss, then looks back at Minos. The only
stable ground is the area around Minos, who beckons Dick
again. The choice is clear.

Dick turns and gallops away from Minos, closing his eyes and
leaping deliberately into one of the black holes.
68.


DICK
Ahhhhhhhh!!!
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Fantasy"]

Summary In this scene, 2002 Dick arrives at his trailer with a packed pickup truck. He has a flashback to being part of a white militia group and building a survivalist bunker. The scene transitions to a dreamscape in Las Vegas, where Dick sees his reflection as his younger self and the city starts to fade away. He encounters the towering figure of Minos, who creates black holes and destroys the surroundings. Dick chooses to run away from Minos and jumps into one of the black holes.
Strengths
  • Intense and surreal atmosphere
  • Engaging plot
  • Emotionally impactful
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be further developed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and emotionally impactful. It effectively combines different genres and utilizes visual and auditory elements to create a sense of tension and unease. The presence of Minos and the impending threat of danger add excitement and suspense to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using flashbacks and dreamscapes to explore the protagonist's past and inner conflicts is innovative and adds depth to the story. The introduction of Minos as a powerful antagonist raises the stakes and sets up the final confrontation.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is well-developed and engaging. It follows the protagonist as he chases after his past self and confronts his inner demons. The introduction of Minos and the impending danger adds tension and raises the stakes.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the settings and situations are familiar (trailer, basement, woods), the specific actions and details add a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined and their motivations and conflicts are clear. Dick's determination to confront his past and overcome his inner demons is compelling. The presence of Minos as a powerful antagonist adds depth to the conflict.

Character Changes: 9

The protagonist undergoes significant character changes in the scene. He confronts his past, overcomes his fears, and makes a choice to face the impending danger. The death of Val also has a profound impact on his character.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that he is reflecting on his past actions and choices. This reflection reflects his deeper need for self-acceptance and understanding.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to escape from Minos and the collapsing world around him. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the need to survive.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external. The protagonist's inner conflicts are manifested through the flashbacks and dreamscapes, while the presence of Minos and the impending danger create external conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with the threat of Minos and the collapsing world. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in the scene. The protagonist's life is in danger, and the death of Val raises the emotional stakes. The impending confrontation with Minos also has significant consequences for the outcome of the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by resolving the conflict between the protagonist and his past self, introducing the final confrontation with Minos, and setting up the climax of the story.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the appearance of Minos and the collapsing world. The reader is kept on their toes and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene is highly emotionally impactful. The intense and surreal atmosphere, combined with the protagonist's inner struggles and the tragic death of Val, elicit strong emotions from the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts of the characters. The interactions between Dick and his past self, as well as the confrontation with Minos, are intense and impactful.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it presents a series of visually striking and suspenseful moments. The reader is drawn into the protagonist's journey and the unfolding events.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between slower moments of reflection and faster-paced action sequences. This creates a dynamic rhythm that keeps the reader engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It starts with an exterior location, transitions to an interior location, and then returns to the exterior. The flashbacks and dream sequence are clearly indicated.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a confusing and disjointed montage of flashbacks that doesn't provide enough context for the audience to understand the significance of each moment. It feels like a collection of random scenes strung together without any clear connection to the present action.
  • The dialogue in the flashbacks is sparse and doesn't reveal much about the characters' motivations or relationships. It's hard to empathize with Dick's father or understand why Dick is so estranged from his family.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or resolution. Dick's father rejects him, but there's no real consequence or aftermath. It feels like a missed opportunity to explore the themes of family, responsibility, and identity that are central to the story.
  • The pacing is uneven and disorienting. The slow motion and superimposed flashbacks create a dreamlike atmosphere, but it's hard to follow the action and distinguish between past and present.
  • The ending is abrupt and unsatisfying. Dick runs away from Minos, but there's no sense of closure or resolution. It's unclear what the black holes represent or what Dick's decision to leap into one means for his character arc.
Suggestions
  • To improve the scene, I would suggest clarifying the significance of each flashback and connecting them more explicitly to the present action. Maybe Dick could have a conversation with his father in one of the flashbacks that sheds light on their strained relationship and sets up the conflict in the present.
  • I would also recommend adding more dialogue and character development to the flashbacks to make them more engaging and emotionally resonant. It would help the audience understand Dick's motivations and connect with his character more deeply.
  • To address the pacing issue, I would suggest using the flashbacks more sparingly and focusing more on the present action. Maybe Dick could have a confrontation with his father in the present that mirrors the flashback, but with a different outcome. This would create a more satisfying resolution and tie the scene together more cohesively.
  • Finally, I would suggest providing more context and explanation for the black holes and Minos. Maybe they represent Dick's subconscious fears and doubts, or maybe they're a physical manifestation of the Dreamscape. Whatever the case may be, it's important to make their significance clear to the audience.



Scene 25 -  Dick's Triumph in the Vegas Dreamscape
INT. SWIRLING VORTEX - CONTINUOUS

Dick whizzes around a whirlpool of green light energy from
Minos’s staff like a dead fish being flushed down the toilet.
Distorted remnants of the Vegas dreamscape are embedded in
the web of dark energy. The glaring, abstract, distorted
swells of a modulating synthesizer oscillate through the
vortex in multi-channel surround sound.

Dick swirls around faster and faster, approaching a
nauseating fever pitch as he plunges down toward a body of
water below.


EXT. VEGAS DREAMSCAPE CANALS - MOMENTS LATER

Chief Raj is seated in the Crazy Horse docked in the canal
with his arms crossed in bitter disappointment. The Vegas
dreamscape is back in its normal configuration.

From the steady, quiet rhythm of crickets and distant city
ambiance, the sound of a man screaming bloody murder
crescendos until...

SPLOOSH! Dick falls from the sky and splashes into the water
like a large stone.

Dick pops up to the surface from underwater, gasping
frantically for air as he reorients himself.

Chief Raj beams with pride.

CHIEF RAJ
You made it.

Dick wades and spits out water. He sees his normal reflection
in the water and sighs with relief.

CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
You’re a foolish man, Richard, but
you’ve proven the strength of your
spirit. Perhaps there is hope for
you yet.

Chief Raj stands and offers his hand. Dick remains wading in
the water, looking back toward the strip.
69.


CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
You can not change a mirror’s
reflection no matter how much you
stare. Come.

Dick nods and swims back to the Crazy Horse. Chief Raj pulls
Dick aboard.


VEGAS DREAMSCAPE CANALS - MOMENTS LATER

The Crazy Horse coasts gently through the neon drizzle.


VEGAS DREAMSCAPE CANALS - ON CRAZY HORSE - SAME

Dick stares back at the strip with his arms crossed.

CHIEF RAJ
You look like a man who has
forgotten something.

DICK
Ever feel like ya forgot somethin’
ya never really knew?

Chief Raj ponders Dick’s question. Dick sighs and turns to
face Chief Raj.

DICK (CONT'D)
The things I see here, like from
the past, did they really happen?
Even if I never seen ‘em?

CHIEF RAJ
There are things our hearts can see
that we hide from ourselves.


QUICK FLASHES

-- IN LUXOR HOTEL ROOM -- 1992 Dick notices lovemaking
scratches on Val’s back while it’s turned to him.

-- IN A POLICE STATION -- An OFFICER shows 1992 Dick photos
of the crime scene where Val lies in a pool of blood in her
conspicuously glamorous red evening gown.


BACK TO SCENE

Dick takes a long moment to process and shakes his head.
70.


DICK
Can’t believe I never seen it...

CHIEF RAJ
We see only what we want to when we
look outside ourselves.

Dick nods, then turns back toward the strip as Chief Raj
paddles the Crazy Horse in a slow, steady rhythm.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Dick is caught in a swirling vortex of green light energy but successfully reaches the water. Chief Raj expresses pride in Dick's accomplishment. They continue through the Vegas dreamscape canals, reflecting on forgetting and seeing things from the past.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional depth
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines intense action with introspective moments, creating a powerful emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a dreamscape and time travel adds depth and intrigue to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging and keeps the audience hooked with its twists and turns.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high. The unique physical characteristics of the world, such as the swirling vortex and green light energy, contribute to its originality. The dialogue and introspective nature of the scene also add to its authenticity and originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed effectively.

Character Changes: 9

The protagonist undergoes a significant transformation as he confronts his past and gains a new perspective.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the things he has seen and experienced in the Vegas dreamscape. It reflects his deeper need for understanding and acceptance of his own past and the challenges he has faced.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to return to the Crazy Horse with Chief Raj. It reflects the immediate circumstance of being in the Vegas dreamscape and the challenge of navigating through the vortex and water.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the protagonist and his past self, as well as the impending danger, creates tension throughout the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist faces the challenge of accepting and understanding his past, but it is not a highly intense or difficult obstacle. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding a level of suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the protagonist faces the possibility of losing his loved ones and his chance at redemption.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the swirling vortex and the protagonist's realization of forgotten memories. The audience is left wondering what will happen next and how the protagonist will navigate through his internal and external challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the reality of the things he has seen and Chief Raj's belief in the power of perception and self-reflection. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and forces him to question the nature of truth and perception.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions through its intense moments and poignant revelations.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is realistic and reveals important information about the characters' pasts.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces a sense of mystery and intrigue with the protagonist's experiences in the Vegas dreamscape. The philosophical dialogue and introspective moments also add depth and keep the audience engaged.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense as the protagonist navigates through the vortex and confronts his past. The slower rhythm of the dialogue and introspective moments also allow for reflection and contemplation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, and dialogue in the correct format.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the setting, followed by character actions and dialogue, and ends with a transition to the next location.


Critique
  • The scene begins with a confusing and disorienting sequence of Dick falling through a green vortex. It's unclear what's happening or why, which makes it difficult for the audience to follow. This could be remedied by providing more context or explanation in the previous scene to build up to this moment.
  • The appearance of Minos and the creation of black holes feels sudden and unexplained. It's not clear why Minos is targeting Dick or what the black holes represent. This lack of clarity makes it difficult for the audience to understand the stakes of the scene and invest in the conflict.
  • The dialogue in this scene is minimal, which makes it challenging for the audience to connect with the characters and understand their motivations. It would be helpful to include more dialogue or inner monologue to provide insight into Dick's thoughts and feelings.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Dick jumping into one of the black holes. It's unclear where this will lead or what the consequences will be. This lack of resolution leaves the audience feeling unsatisfied and disconnected from the story.
  • The use of sound in this scene is effective, with the modulating synthesizer adding to the surreal and disorienting atmosphere. However, the sound could be used more strategically to provide clues or foreshadowing to help the audience understand what's happening.
Suggestions
  • To clarify the opening sequence, consider adding a voiceover or flashback to provide context for the green vortex and Minos's appearance.
  • To provide more clarity about Minos and the black holes, consider including a scene earlier in the story that introduces these elements and explains their significance.
  • To give the audience more insight into Dick's thoughts and feelings, consider including more dialogue or inner monologue in this scene or in previous scenes that build up to this moment.
  • To provide more resolution and closure, consider including a scene that shows the consequences of Dick's decision to jump into the black hole.
  • To use sound more strategically, consider using it to provide clues or foreshadowing about what's happening in the scene or to create a sense of tension or urgency.



Scene 26 -  Journey Through the Dreamscape
EXT. VEGAS DREAMSCAPE CANALS - RIVER HEAD - LATER

The Crazy Horse merges from the concrete canal into a
streaming natural river surrounded by lush greenery and
rolling hills, leaving the neon Vegas lights behind.

On the bank of the river junction, we find the Greek Chorus
striking up another beat.


MONTAGE - POET’S INTERLUDE 4 - THROUGH THE RAPIDS

As the Crazy Horse is carried down the river by the force of
its stream, we transition to CLAYMATION.


EXT. TROPICAL RIVER - DUSK

The claymation Crazy Horse enters a deep, dark tropical
jungle with smatterings of weapons, along with crashed tanks,
helicopters, and a space shuttle. A tattered American flag
waves from the landing skids of one of the helicopters.

Our bards muse on Dick’s state of existential turmoil
prompted by the discovery that the trajectory of the last
thirty years of his life was shaped by the false narrative
that there was something he could have and should have done
to prevent Val’s murder [Lyrics to be Added].

A harpy eagle swoops down from the branches of a tree, clings
to the trunk, and pecks at it.

Claymation Dick leans in for a closer look and sees that the
bark that the harpy is pecking away at encases a soldier
screaming in agony. The wooden soldier’s eyes dart to Dick.
Dick flinches.

One by one, more harpy eagles swoop down from the branches to
the trunks, pecking at what seems to be an entire platoon of
soldiers and officers trapped in the birth canal of the
trees.
71.


As the Crazy Horse approaches a patch of thick, low mist with
electronic fireflies flickering, the rapids pick up, becoming
increasingly violent.
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Action"]

Summary In this scene, the Crazy Horse boat transitions from a concrete canal into a natural river surrounded by greenery and hills. The Greek Chorus plays music on the riverbank. The scene then shifts to a claymation sequence in a dark tropical jungle filled with weapons and crashed vehicles. The bards muse on Dick's existential turmoil as he encounters harpy eagles pecking at trapped soldiers. The rapids become more violent as the Crazy Horse approaches a mist with electronic fireflies. The scene ends with the boat entering the mist and the rapids intensifying.
Strengths
  • Visually stunning imagery
  • Effective portrayal of emotional turmoil
  • Innovative use of claymation and surrealism
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • May be confusing for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful and visually stunning, effectively conveying the emotional and psychological state of the protagonist. The use of claymation and surreal imagery adds a unique and memorable element to the storytelling.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring existential turmoil and the consequences of past actions through surreal and visually striking imagery is innovative and thought-provoking.

Plot: 8

The plot in this scene focuses on Dick's internal struggle and the revelation of his false narrative, which adds depth to his character and drives the story forward.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high. The combination of a concrete canal in Las Vegas with a natural river surrounded by lush greenery and rolling hills creates a unique setting. The use of claymation and the presence of crashed tanks, helicopters, and a space shuttle add fresh and unexpected elements. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is not explicitly mentioned in this scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters in this scene, particularly Dick, are well-developed and their emotional journey is effectively portrayed. However, there are limited interactions and dialogue in this particular scene.

Character Changes: 8

Dick undergoes significant character development in this scene, as he confronts his past and grapples with the consequences of his actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the existential turmoil caused by the discovery of the false narrative that shaped the last thirty years of his life. This reflects his deeper need for closure, understanding, and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the rapids and continue his journey down the river. This reflects the immediate challenge of overcoming the increasingly violent rapids and the circumstances of being carried by the force of the stream.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in this scene is intense, both internally for Dick as he confronts his past and externally as he navigates the surreal dreamscape.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. The protagonist faces the challenge of navigating the increasingly violent rapids and the philosophical conflict of accepting the false narrative that shaped his life. The outcome of these challenges is uncertain, creating a sense of tension and anticipation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with Dick facing his past, the loss of Val, and the existential turmoil that threatens to consume him.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important aspects of Dick's past and deepening the conflict and emotional stakes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements such as the use of claymation, the presence of crashed tanks and a space shuttle, and the actions of the harpy eagles. The reader is unsure of how these elements will impact the protagonist's journey and the resolution of the philosophical conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in personal responsibility and the realization that there was nothing he could have done to prevent Val's murder. This challenges his values and worldview, forcing him to question the meaning of his past actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly through the portrayal of Dick's agony and existential turmoil, as well as the loss of Val.

Dialogue: 5

There is minimal dialogue in this scene, with most of the storytelling happening through visuals and imagery.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it combines visual and sensory descriptions with a sense of mystery and introspection. The use of poetic language and surreal imagery captures the reader's attention and creates a desire to understand the protagonist's journey and the philosophical conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of rhythm and momentum. The transitions between the concrete canal, the natural river, and the claymation sequence add variety and keep the reader engaged. The increasing violence of the rapids adds tension and propels the scene forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses scene headings, action lines, and dialogue in a clear and concise manner. The use of capitalization and punctuation is consistent and appropriate.

Structure: 7

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and transitions to a montage, followed by a specific location and a series of actions and descriptions. The scene flows logically and effectively conveys the progression of the protagonist's journey.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear motivation for Dick's actions. Why is he running through the casino and what is he trying to accomplish? Without a clear goal, the scene feels aimless and disconnected from the rest of the story.
  • The dialogue is non-existent, which makes it difficult to understand the relationships and conflicts between the characters. This leaves the viewer feeling disconnected and confused.
  • The pacing of the scene is rushed and disjointed. The events seem to happen abruptly and without any build-up or explanation. This makes it hard for the viewer to follow and understand what is happening.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is intense and tragic, but it feels overwrought and melodramatic. The viewer may become desensitized to the violence and death, making it less impactful.
  • The visual elements are strong, but they are not used to convey any meaningful information. The flashbacks and dream sequences feel disconnected from the present action and do not add anything to the story.
Suggestions
  • Give Dick a clear goal or motivation for his actions. This will make his actions more meaningful and engaging for the viewer.
  • Introduce some dialogue to clarify the relationships and conflicts between the characters. This will help the viewer understand the story and empathize with the characters.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene and provide more build-up and explanation for the events. This will make the scene more engaging and easier to follow.
  • Tone down the emotional intensity of the scene. This will make the violence and death more impactful and less melodramatic.
  • Use the visual elements to convey meaningful information and connect the present action to the flashbacks and dream sequences. This will make the scene more cohesive and engaging for the viewer.



Scene 27 -  Frozen Reflections
EXT. ICY RAPIDS - CONTINUOUS

Claymation Dick shivers uncontrollably and breathes
condensation as the rapids carry the Crazy Horse into a
glacial landscape.

MC Virgil comments on how despite Dick’s reservations and
malaise, the river still carries him ever closer to his date
with destiny [Lyrics to be Added].

The Crazy Horse approaches a steep drop in the rapids and
plummets into the water at the end of the minor cascade.


EXT. ICY WASTELAND - CONTINUOUS

The Crazy Horse pops up out of the water, leaving Claymation
Dick and Chief Raj soaked and freezing. They find themselves
in a quiet, desolate wasteland surrounded by endless miles of
snow-covered nothing.

The Crazy Horse transitions from claymation back to LIVE
ACTION.


END POET’S INTERLUDE


EXT. ICY WASTELAND - MOUTH GATE - DUSK

Dick and Chief Raj share a moment of furtive silence as the
Crazy Horse passes by ice sculptures of Dick frozen in
moments of humiliation and agony at different points in his
life. Dick looks upon the sculptures with recognition.


QUICK FLASHES

-- Dick staring into the flaming embers of the fire back at
Weeping Llama.

-- Dick’s vision of the Crazy Horse drifting down this very
section of river in the icy wasteland.
72.


BACK TO SCENE

The Crazy Horse turns a corner and approaches a massive,
imposing, troll-like figure blocking their path in the middle
of the river: it’s a giant ceramic Dick Dickman head with an
open mouth and strong angled eyebrows that form a dramatic
sneer. Dick looks up at the head in awe.

The Crazy Horse slows to a stop near the head.

Dick looks back at Chief Raj.

DICK
Problem?

CHIEF RAJ
Only if you choose to see it as
such. This is where you and I must
part ways.

Dick looks around at the dreary surroundings.

DICK
Here? The fuck ya talkin’ ‘bout?

CHIEF RAJ
I have taken you as far as I am
able to. The final steps of your
voyage must be taken by you and you
alone.

DICK
You’re bailin’ on me?

CHIEF RAJ
All travelers who have taken this
journey before have arrived at the
same crossroads.

DICK
So you lied? Shit. What am I
s’posed to do? I don’t know this
fuckin’ place.

CHIEF RAJ
If you do not yet know your own
heart and mind, then you are still
at the mercy of your fears and
longings. These attachments must be
confronted head-on if you are to
achieve passage and fulfill your
sacred dharma.
73.


DICK
Yeah? And what if I don’t wanna
kill the son bitch no more, huh?
How ‘bout that?

CHIEF RAJ
You would turn your back on your
destiny?

DICK
Maybe it ain’t my destiny. Can it
be if I don’t choose it?

Chief Raj takes a moment to process, impressed by Dick’s
question.

CHIEF RAJ
You are right to believe that there
is still a choice remaining before
you.

Dick locks eyes with Chief Raj with intense interest.

CHIEF RAJ (CONT'D)
After you cross to the final stage
of the Mirror Realm, you will
encounter your past being once
more. There, you will be free to
choose between continuing to
blindly follow in the footsteps of
the life force energies that have
brought you to this moment and
exiting to walk your own path. If
you choose to follow, your journey
will come to an end. Your life as
you know it will resume as though
you have awakened from a strange
dream. If your spirit has been
prepared to choose its own path,
you must confront that which
lingers in the darkest shadows of
your being.

Dick grips the hull of the Crazy Horse and shakes his head
compulsively.

DICK
Another one? No, no more. I can’t.
I-

Chief Raj leaps at Dick, pins him, unsheathes his decorative
knife, holds it to his throat, and bellows at him with
forceful rage.
74.


CHIEF RAJ
WHO ARE YOU?!

DICK
Oh Jesus! Wha-what-

CHIEF RAJ
TELL ME! WHO IS IT YOU BELIEVE YOU
ARE THAT YOU ARE AFRAID TO FACE
LIKE A MAN?

DICK
I-I-

Dick’s eyes dart up and across.


DICK’S POV

We see the Dick’s upside-down perspective of the ice
sculptures over the hull of the Crazy Horse. One of the
sculptures is Dick looking down at the photos of Val’s body
with a look of serene despair. Another one is a younger,
slimmer Dick gripping the bars of a jail cell.

DICK (O.C.)
Um-I-


ON DICK

CHIEF RAJ
WHO ARE YOU?!!

Chief Raj presses the knife harder against Dick’s neck,
drawing some blood as Dick squirms.

DICK
I-I DON’T KNOW!!

Chief Raj scoffs, pulls the knife back, and returns to his
feet, releasing Dick.

CHIEF RAJ
Good. That’s a start.

Chief Raj wipes the blood from the knife and sheathes it as
Dick eases his way up, shaken to the core.

DICK
Wha-what the fuck was that??

Chief Raj tosses Dick a fresh rag. Dick presses the rag
against the cut on his neck while keeping his guard up.
75.


CHIEF RAJ
There is a reason you must learn to
still the ripples in your spirit to
earn the choice before you. Only
when they are undisturbed will they
reflect a higher truth.

DICK
Truth? What truth?

CHIEF RAJ
Aham Brahmas.

DICK
Aha whatta?

Chief Raj begins to gather and pack Dick’s gear.

CHIEF RAJ
Aham Brahmas. It is a mantra from
the Advaita Vedanta. It means, “I
am Brahma,” as in “I am God” or “I
am the universe.” One need not fear
the petty mortal remnants of his
earthly incarnations when he sees
his own divinity.

DICK
(shakes head compulsively)
Sounds kinda blasphemous to me...

Chief Raj hands Dick his military duffle bag and weapons.

CHIEF RAJ
You disappoint me, Richard. The
pulpit doesn’t agree with you. But
perhaps there’s more to you than
meets the eye, even your own. After
all, who else would take on the
dharma of destroying Andy Warhol
and his vulgar creations but he who
sees the true divinities behind
ordinary things?

Chief Raj hands Dick his AR-15. Dick angles it in Chief Raj’s
direction.

DICK
Gimme one reason I shouldn’t blow
yer fuckin’ face off right now.

Chief Raj bursts into bemused laughter.
76.


DICK (CONT'D)
Ya think I’m fuckin’ around?

Chief Raj continues to laugh.

CHIEF RAJ
You’re not going to kill me,
Richard.

DICK
Yeah? Why’s that.

Chief Raj pushes the gun aside and puts his hands on Dick’s
shoulders.

CHIEF RAJ
Because it would offend your
sensibilities too much, sweetie.

Chief Raj gives Dick a peck on the cheek. Dick recoils and
shoves Chief Raj on his back in the Crazy Horse, where he
breaks back into hysterical laughter.

DICK
You ain’t worth the trouble.

Dick grabs his duffle bag and steps off the Crazy Horse as
Chief Raj continues to laugh on his back.

CHIEF RAJ
Goodbye, Richie. Have fun storming
the subconscious.

Chief Raj’s cackling laughter continues to taunt Richard as
he walks up the icy shore toward the giant ceramic Dick head.

DICK
Son bitch.

Dick spits on the ground.
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary In an icy wasteland, Claymation Dick and Chief Raj encounter ice sculptures of Dick frozen in moments of humiliation. They come across a giant ceramic Dick Dickman head blocking their path. Chief Raj decides to leave Dick, explaining that he must confront his fears and longings on his own to fulfill his sacred dharma.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Surreal imagery
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be confusing or unclear

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and captivating, with its surreal imagery and intense dialogue. It effectively conveys the internal struggle and transformation of the protagonist.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, which involves a journey through different realms and the confrontation of one's past, is intriguing and thought-provoking.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the protagonist reaching a crucial point in his journey and facing a decision that will determine his destiny. It is well-developed and keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the icy landscape and the protagonist's journey of self-discovery are familiar elements, the incorporation of the Advaita Vedanta philosophy and the darkly humorous tone add a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Dick and Chief Raj, are well-defined and their interactions add depth to the story. Their dialogue reveals their motivations and inner conflicts.

Character Changes: 8

The scene marks a significant turning point for the protagonist, as he confronts his past and begins to question his own identity and destiny.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront his fears and longings and make a choice about his destiny. This reflects his deeper need for self-discovery, growth, and finding his true identity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to continue his journey and cross to the final stage of the Mirror Realm. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing his past and making a decision about his future.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains both internal and external conflicts, as Dick grapples with his own fears and desires while also facing the challenge of the giant ceramic head blocking his path.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, as Chief Raj challenges the protagonist's beliefs and forces him to confront his fears. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will unfold, adding tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the protagonist must confront his past and make a choice that will determine his future. The outcome has significant consequences for his personal growth and the overall story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by presenting the protagonist with a crucial decision that will shape the rest of his journey. It adds depth to the overall narrative and raises the stakes.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the giant ceramic Dick head and Chief Raj's sudden outburst of rage. These surprises add suspense and keep the audience guessing about the direction of the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle between blindly following the life force energies that have brought him to this moment and choosing his own path. This challenges his beliefs, values, and worldview by questioning the concept of destiny and personal choice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including fear, confusion, and determination. The intense dialogue and surreal imagery create a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is intense, thought-provoking, and reveals the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. It effectively conveys the themes of self-discovery and personal growth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines elements of suspense, humor, and introspection. The protagonist's internal and external goals, the philosophical conflict, and the unexpected interactions between characters create tension and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of tension and moments of reflection. The rhythm of the dialogue and the use of quick flashes and pauses create a dynamic flow that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting, making it easy to read and understand.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, transitions between locations, and includes dialogue and action beats that advance the plot and reveal character motivations.


Critique
  • The scene is intense and suspenseful, but it feels disjointed from the rest of the story. The sudden appearance of the giant ceramic Dick head and the focus on Dick's past traumas are not immediately clear in relation to the overall plot. It would be helpful to have more context or explanation about how these elements tie into the larger narrative.
  • The visuals of the ice sculptures of Dick's humiliation and agony are striking, but it would be more impactful if we had more information about what specific moments in Dick's life are being depicted. It would also be beneficial to have some dialogue or narration that clarifies the significance of these scenes.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Chief Raj is intriguing, but it feels abrupt and lacks some necessary background information. It would be helpful to have more context about why Dick is feeling this way and what led him to this point in his journey.
  • The introduction of the Advaita Vedanta mantra and its significance to Dick's journey is interesting, but it would be more effective if we had some more details about how this concept relates to Dick's character development and how it ties into the larger themes of the story.
  • The scene ends with Dick walking away from the Dick head, but it would be more satisfying if we had some more closure or resolution to the conflict that has been building up to this point.
  • The use of the claymation style in this scene is visually captivating, but it would be more effective if we had some more consistency in the animation quality and style throughout the scene.
Suggestions
  • To improve the coherence and clarity of the scene, it would be helpful to have some more exposition or explanation about how these elements fit into the larger narrative and how they relate to Dick's character development.
  • To enhance the emotional impact of the scene, it would be beneficial to have some more dialogue or narration that clarifies the significance of these scenes and provides some more context about Dick's past traumas.
  • To deepen the significance of the Advaita Vedanta mantra and its connection to Dick's character development, it would be helpful to have some more background information about how this concept relates to the larger themes of the story.
  • To provide a more satisfying resolution to the conflict that has been building up to this point, it would be beneficial to have some more dialogue or narration that provides some more closure or resolution to the conflict.
  • To maintain a consistent quality and style in the animation, it would be helpful to have some more attention to detail in the animation quality and style throughout the scene.



Scene 28 -  Trapped in the Mouth Gate
EXT. MOUTH GATE - LATER

Dick shivers as he scales the steep, jagged, frosted rocks
that lead up to the base of the Dick head on all fours with
the duffle bag slung around his shoulder and his weapons
strapped to his back.

Dick pulls himself up to the summit and approaches the
cavernous mouth of the vicious statue. The roof of the mouth
alone towers over Dick.
77.


Dick looks back over his shoulder and sees Chief Raj on the
Crazy Horse disappearing into the mist around the river bend.

Dick looks ahead at the massive, fierce rendering of his own
face, mounts a headlamp, takes a deep breath, closes his
eyes, and sprints inside the mouth while screaming.


INT. MOUTH GATE - CONTINUOUS

Dick continues to scream his head off as he sprints blindly
through the moist cavern, losing his footing on the uneven
surface. The light fades quickly as the mouth gate shuts
behind Dick, then...

CLUNK! The mouth seals completely, the teeth mashing
together, sending violent tremors through the interior of the
mouth, which knocks Dick on his back.

Dick opens his eyes and looks back to shine his headlamp on
the sealed lips in the pitch black of the pernicious palette.

DICK
Oh shit, oh shit, oh fuck.

Dick scampers to his feet and runs back toward the sealed
lips, but as soon as he does so, the tongue beneath his feet
comes to life, curving up vertically, knocking Dick back on
his ass and pushing him back toward the esophagus.

Dick screams as he is tossed and tumbled through the great
cavity like a badly chewed meatball.

Light rushes into the cavern from the opposite side as Dick
is hurled toward an aperture in the back of the throat.

The tongue stretches to its maximum reach, releasing Dick
near the aperture, then rolls back toward its original
position.

Dick catches his breath, rises to his feet, and wipes the
spit from the tongue off his face while grimacing.

Dick squints as he looks forward at the blinding obscure
amber light entering through the nearby aperture, veiled in a
cloud of smoke.

Dick moves forward.
78.
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Adventure"]

Summary Dick scales the steep, jagged, frosted rocks to reach the base of a vicious statue. Chief Raj disappears into the mist. Dick enters the cavernous mouth of the statue, but loses his footing and gets trapped inside as the gate seals shut. Violent tremors occur as the tongue beneath him knocks him back and tosses him through the cavity. Dick is hurled toward an aperture in the back of the throat, but the tongue releases him. He catches his breath, wipes spit off his face, and moves forward toward the blinding obscure amber light veiled in smoke.
Strengths
  • Visually stunning imagery
  • Intense and engaging tone
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Character development could be further explored

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and visually captivating, with a strong sense of tension and mystery. The use of surreal imagery and the character's internal struggle add depth and complexity to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, with its blend of mythology, dreamscape, and psychological exploration, is unique and innovative. It adds a layer of depth and symbolism to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around Dick's journey through the Mouth Gate and his encounter with various challenges and obstacles. It keeps the audience engaged and curious about what will happen next.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of a treacherous environment and the protagonist's journey through a dangerous location are familiar elements, the specific details and descriptions add a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the character's actions and dialogue contributes to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters in the scene, particularly Dick and Chief Raj, play important roles in driving the action forward and adding emotional depth to the story. However, their development and motivations could be further explored.

Character Changes: 8

Dick undergoes significant character changes in the scene, facing his fears and pushing through challenges. This adds depth and growth to his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to overcome his fear and push himself to enter the mouth gate. This reflects his deeper need for courage and determination in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to enter the mouth gate and explore the unknown location beyond. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the treacherous environment and facing the dangers that lie ahead.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both external (the challenges and obstacles Dick faces) and internal (his own fears and doubts). This conflict drives the tension and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces physical obstacles and challenges that are difficult to overcome. The reader is unsure of how the protagonist will navigate the treacherous environment and whether he will succeed in his goal.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the character facing life-threatening challenges and the potential for personal transformation. This adds tension and urgency to the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and obstacles for the character, deepening the mystery and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected obstacles and challenges for the protagonist. The reader is unsure of how the protagonist will navigate the treacherous environment and what dangers he will encounter.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, with feelings of fear, determination, and confusion. The character's journey and the surreal imagery create a sense of intensity and emotional depth.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene is minimal, with most of the focus on visual storytelling. While the dialogue that is present effectively conveys the characters' emotions and reactions, it could be more impactful and memorable.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation and creates a sense of tension and danger. The reader is drawn into the protagonist's journey and is eager to see how he will overcome the challenges he faces.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and tension. The quick succession of actions and the concise scene direction maintain a fast pace and keep the reader engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and organized.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an exterior location and then transitions to an interior location, maintaining a clear progression of events.


Critique
  • The scene starts abruptly without any context or setup, leaving the audience confused about what is happening. It would be helpful to provide some exposition or backstory to help the viewer understand why Dick is scaling the rocks and entering the mouth gate.
  • The dialogue in this scene is minimal, which makes it difficult to understand Dick's motivations and emotions. It would be beneficial to add some dialogue or inner monologue to give the audience insight into Dick's thoughts and feelings.
  • The scene is very intense and chaotic, which can be overwhelming for the viewer. It might be helpful to slow down the pace and provide some moments of calm or reflection to help the audience process what is happening.
  • The use of the mouth gate as a metaphor for Dick's inner turmoil is interesting, but it could be developed further. It would be helpful to provide some symbolic imagery or metaphors to help the audience understand the significance of the mouth gate and Dick's journey through it.
  • The scene ends abruptly without any resolution or closure. It would be helpful to provide some sense of closure or resolution to help the audience understand what Dick has accomplished and what comes next.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding some exposition or backstory to help the viewer understand why Dick is scaling the rocks and entering the mouth gate.
  • Consider adding some dialogue or inner monologue to give the audience insight into Dick's thoughts and feelings.
  • Consider slowing down the pace and providing some moments of calm or reflection to help the audience process what is happening.
  • Consider developing the symbolic imagery or metaphors related to the mouth gate to help the audience understand its significance.
  • Consider providing some sense of closure or resolution to help the audience understand what Dick has accomplished and what comes next.



Scene 29 -  A Surreal Encounter in a Dystopian Lower East Side
EXT. CRACK TOWN - BRIDGE - NIGHT

Dick exits the aperture through the cloud of smoke via the
nape on the back of the giant Dick head statue and enters a
grim, dark, smoggy, surreal, dystopian version of Manhattan’s
Lower East Side during the “No Wave” 80s. Lines of
smokestacks in the distance are bent and at different heights
like a German expressionist painting, with their bellowing
plumes of smoke blocking out the moonlight.

SUPERIMPOSE: “1982”

Dick stops when he notices a familiar structure in front of
him: a tall, run-down lichen-stained brick apartment building
lined with fire escapes. The dilapidated building stands like
a medieval castle, protected by a gaping chasm. A rickety
rope bridge leads across the chasm - the kind you’d see in an
Indiana Jones movie.

Dick takes a deep breath, approaches the rope bridge, and
begins to traverse it, gripping the rope on either side to
maintain his balance as the bridge creaks and sways with each
step Dick takes.

Dick looks down through the fractured plywood at the drug-
infested slums hundreds of feet below the red rock bluffs.

Dick settles into a comfortable rhythm, crossing the
hazardous bridge one step at a time.


INT. DILAPIDATED BUILDING - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Dick traipses down the cracked and stained hallways of the
rundown apartment complex past lines of doors.

Dick slows as he approaches an apartment door with a missing
doorknob when he hears the ethereal synth chords of an 80s
New Wave ballad (perhaps from The Cure’s Faith album)
emanating from cheap boom box speakers, accompanied by a
small chorus of speaking voices.

Dick leans down and peaks in through the borehole.


DICK'S POV - THROUGH BOREHOLE

In the foreground of the unfurnished, decayed industrial
shack, a younger Steve-O and Skunk stand at a cheap fold-out
table, cutting and bagging cocaine while chit-chatting. The
beat-up boombox is on the table between the two friends.
79.


Dick adjusts his position to bring a couple of figures into
view that are seated on the floor across from each other
further in the heart of the apartment: the younger Dick and
Val. Younger Val is basically a Madonna knock-off in one of
her goth looks with the black fingerless lace gloves and an
armory of necklaces. 1982 DICK is 20 years old and shockingly
thin, rocking a thin mustache, tight jeans, biker gloves, and
an Iron Maiden shirt with cutoff sleeves.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Dystopian","Adventure"]

Summary Dick ventures through a cloud of smoke and finds himself in a grim and smoggy version of Manhattan's Lower East Side. He crosses a hazardous rope bridge and enters a dilapidated apartment building. Inside, he witnesses younger versions of Steve-O and Skunk cutting and bagging cocaine. Further in, he comes across a Madonna knock-off named Val and a shockingly thin younger version of himself. The scene ends with Dick observing the younger Dick and Val through a borehole in the apartment door.
Strengths
  • Imaginative visuals
  • Unique blend of genres
  • Inclusion of claymation
  • Atmospheric tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly imaginative and visually captivating, with a unique blend of genres and tones. The transition from the dreamscape to the dystopian Manhattan setting adds depth to the story. The use of claymation and the inclusion of an 80s New Wave ballad create a memorable and innovative experience for the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of transitioning between different realms and exploring surreal landscapes is intriguing and well-executed. The inclusion of claymation and the juxtaposition of the dreamscape and dystopian Manhattan add depth to the concept.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Dick traverses the rope bridge and enters the dilapidated building. The inclusion of the younger versions of Steve-O, Skunk, and Val adds intrigue and raises questions about Dick's past. The scene sets up further exploration of Dick's journey and his connection to the dystopian world.

Originality: 9

This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its unique combination of elements, such as the dystopian version of Manhattan's Lower East Side, the presence of a giant Dick head statue, and the drug-infested slums below the red rock bluffs. The characters' actions and dialogue also feel authentic and true to the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The introduction of younger versions of Steve-O, Skunk, and Val adds depth to the characters and hints at their significance in Dick's journey. However, their roles in the scene are relatively brief, limiting the opportunity for further character development.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the introduction of the younger versions of characters hints at potential character arcs and reveals more about Dick's past.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Dick is on a mission or searching for something/someone. This reflects his deeper desire for adventure, exploration, or possibly redemption.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to cross the hazardous rope bridge and reach the dilapidated building. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the dangerous environment and finding his way to the apartment where the other characters are located.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily driven by the dangerous journey across the rope bridge and the mysterious presence of the younger versions of characters. The conflict adds tension and intrigue to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. The protagonist faces the challenge of crossing the hazardous rope bridge and navigating the dangerous environment. The outcome is uncertain, creating a sense of tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes in this scene are primarily related to the dangerous journey across the rope bridge and the mysterious presence of the younger versions of characters. The scene creates a sense of tension and anticipation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements and expanding the world of the narrative. It raises questions about Dick's past and sets up further exploration of the dystopian Manhattan setting.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the giant Dick head statue and the drug-infested slums below the red rock bluffs. The reader is unsure of what will happen next and how the protagonist will overcome the challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of wonder and curiosity through its imaginative visuals and atmospheric tone. The inclusion of the 80s New Wave ballad adds an emotional layer to the scene, connecting it to a specific time period and evoking nostalgia.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue between the younger versions of Steve-O, Skunk, and Val provides some insight into their personalities and relationships. However, the dialogue is limited in this scene, focusing more on the visual elements and atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a visually striking and mysterious setting, presents a clear goal for the protagonist, and creates a sense of tension and anticipation as he navigates the hazardous rope bridge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense as the protagonist traverses the hazardous rope bridge. The rhythm of the scene matches the mood and atmosphere.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, action lines, and character names/dialogue in the correct format.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an exterior location description, transitions to an interior location, and provides clear visual cues for the reader.


Critique
  • The scene begins with a superimposed year, but it's not immediately clear where the scene is taking place. This could be confusing for the audience. It would be helpful to establish the location before the superimposed year.
  • The description of the surreal, dystopian version of Manhattan's Lower East Side during the 'No Wave' 80s is vivid and immersive, but it's also quite long. It might be better to break it up into smaller, more digestible chunks to avoid overwhelming the reader.
  • The description of the rickety rope bridge is detailed, but it's also quite long. It might be better to break it up into smaller, more digestible chunks to avoid overwhelming the reader.
  • The description of the younger Steve-O and Skunk cutting and bagging cocaine is interesting, but it's not immediately clear why it's relevant to the scene. It would be helpful to provide some context or explanation to clarify its significance.
  • The description of the younger Dick and Val is intriguing, but it's not immediately clear what their relationship is. It would be helpful to provide some context or explanation to clarify their connection.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief establishing shot of the location before the superimposed year to avoid confusion.
  • Consider breaking up the descriptions of the surreal, dystopian version of Manhattan's Lower East Side during the 'No Wave' 80s and the rickety rope bridge into smaller, more digestible chunks to avoid overwhelming the reader.
  • Consider providing some context or explanation to clarify why the younger Steve-O and Skunk are cutting and bagging cocaine in this scene.
  • Consider providing some context or explanation to clarify the relationship between the younger Dick and Val.



Scene 30 -  A Desperate Plan
INT. DILAPIDATED BUILDING - APARTMENT - SAME

Val goes through the motions very slowly with her eyes locked
down and to the side, a million miles away.

1982 DICK
What’s eatin’ ya?

Val gives 1982 Dick a quick glance as he chews gum, then
disappears back into her vacant stare.

1982 DICK (CONT'D)
It’s like that, huh?

1982 Dick chews faster as Val slows to a glacial pace.

1982 DICK (CONT'D)
Would it kill ya to, I dunno, move
like you wasn’t a spoiled little
bitch?

Val stops and flips off 1982 Dick.

1982 Dick shoots Val a shit-eating grin.

1982 DICK (CONT'D)
Love you, babe.

Val flicks all the powder in her bag out at 1982 Dick.

VAL
Fuck you, schmuck!

STEVE-0 / SKUNK
Woaaahh! Shit! Uh-oh spaghettios!

Val springs to her feet as 1982 Dick brushes the precious
powder off his face and shirt into a little pile on the
floor.

Val storms toward the door.

1982 DICK
Babe!
80.


1982 Dick leaps up, scampers after Val, and grabs her arm.

1982 DICK (CONT'D)
The fuck you think yer goin’?

VAL
Nowhere fast with you.

1982 DICK
Huh?

VAL
Exactly.

Val pulls her arm back and continues to make for the door.

1982 DICK
Hey!

1982 Dick chases after Val. Steve-O and Skunk stop bagging
and look on.


DICK'S POV - THROUGH BOREHOLE

Val walks straight toward us where the doorknob should be,
with 1982 Dick closing in fast right behind her.


DILAPIDATED BUILDING - HALLWAY - ON DICK

Dick jolts up and presses his back flush against the hall
adjacent to the door, clearing the path.


DILAPIDATED BUILDING - APARTMENT

As Val reaches for the door, 1982 Dick grabs her arm, pulls
her back, and pins her to the wall.

VAL
What the fuck?!

Val flails and throws punches.

1982 DICK
Shhhhh. Shh Shh Shh Shh.

1982 Dick presses his weight down on Val’s kneecaps and
attempts to restrain her arms.

One of Val’s arms breaks loose, and her fist catches 1982
Dick’s nose clean.
81.


STEVE-0 / SKUNK
Ooooooohhh.

1982 Dick looks back at Val with blood dripping down his
nose. Val’s anger melts into guilt and sympathy.

Val pounds her fists on 1982 Dick’s chest one more time, then
turns her head away. Her body softens up.

1982 Dick wipes the blood from his nose off.

1982 DICK
Shhhhhhhh.

1982 Dick puts his arms around Val. Val continues to look
away with her arms hanging limp by her side.

1982 Dick begins to hum the melody from Folsom Prison Blues.
Val melts in 1982 Dick’s arms. She sighs, places her forehead
on his chest, and wraps her arms around his waist.

1982 DICK (CONT'D)
Who’s your big schnookie bear, huh?

Val laughs through some tears.

VAL
You’re such a fuckin’ retahd.

1982 DICK
(putting on a voice)
Huh? What y’all say? Derrrr.

Val laugh-cries some more and buries her face in 1982 Dick’s
chest. The New Wave ballad from the boom box becomes more
prominent.

VAL
Baby?

1982 DICK
Hmm?

VAL
We have to stop doing this.

1982 DICK
That ol’ chestnut again, huh?

VAL
I’m serious. Talk to my dad.

1982 Dick releases Val from the embrace.
82.


1982 DICK
You ain’t talked to ‘em, have ya?

VAL
I-I had to.

1982 Dick scoffs and steps away, putting his hands on his
head and pacing around the room. Val goes after him.

VAL (CONT'D)
Baby, I’m sorry, but listen, it’s
not what you think. He was cool.
Every-

1982 Dick stops and looks at Val.

1982 DICK
Cool?!

Val puts her hands on 1982 Dick’s arms.

VAL
Yes! That’s what I’m tryin’ to tell
ya. He’s gonna give us our
parachute. All we gotta do is pull
the cord.

1982 DICK
Funny thing about parachutes. They
always have strings.

VAL
You’re not hearin’ me, baby. We
have to take it.

1982 DICK
No, we don’t, actually. That’s the
beauty. We got everything we need
right here.

1982 Dick collects his temper and takes Val’s hand.

1982 DICK (CONT'D)
Just us, remember?

VAL
What if it ain’t just us no more?

Val guides 1982 Dick’s hand to her womb.

1982 Dick’s face turns white as the wheels in his head turn.

1982 DICK
Huh?
83.


CRASH! CRASH! Heavily armed DEA AGENTS smash their way in
through the windows, tossing flash bangs, blinding the whole
group in a cloud of white. The sound of helicopter propellors
and the indecipherable murmur of an officer barking orders
through the loudspeaker swell.


DILAPIDATED BUILDING - HALLWAY

Dick is in a full sprint, fleeing as several DEA Agents enter
the hallway from behind him.

Another DEA Agent whips around the corner on the opposite end
of the hallway, directly in front of Dick, and draws his M4
on him.

DEA AGENT
Freeze!

Dick slows to a stop, drops his duffle bag, and puts his
hands up.
Genres: ["Drama","Action"]

Summary Val, lost in her thoughts, confronts 1982 Dick who taunts her. In a fit of anger, Val throws powder at him and storms towards the door. He chases after her and they embrace. Val reveals her plan to talk to her dad and find a way out. Suddenly, DEA agents burst in, blinding everyone. Dick tries to escape but is confronted by an agent with a gun.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Emotional moments
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Possible excessive violence

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and intense, with strong dialogue and emotional moments that captivate the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, a confrontation between two characters in a dilapidated building, is well-executed and adds tension to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is driven by the confrontation between the characters and their conflicting emotions, creating a compelling and dramatic moment.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a confrontation between two characters is not entirely unique, the specific dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and fresh. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 10

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly portrayed, adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The confrontation between the characters leads to a change in their relationship and emotions, adding depth to their character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert herself and stand up to 1982 Dick. This reflects her deeper need for independence and respect.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to leave the apartment and escape from 1982 Dick. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters is intense and drives the scene forward, creating a sense of urgency and tension.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist and 1982 Dick are in direct conflict with each other. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters' relationship and future are at risk due to their conflicting emotions and actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the characters' emotions and motivations, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience doesn't know how the conflict between the characters will be resolved. The actions and dialogue of the characters keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene has a high emotional impact, with the characters' intense emotions and the confrontational dialogue evoking strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the tension between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it contains a conflict between the characters and a sense of tension. The dialogue and actions of the characters keep the audience interested and invested in the outcome of the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and then releasing it in moments of conflict. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the scene engaging and dynamic.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper indentation, dialogue formatting, and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or resolution, leaving the audience feeling disconnected from the action. The introduction of younger versions of Dick and Val is intriguing, but their appearance feels sudden and unexplained. The dialogue between Dick and Val is also unclear, with Val's sudden change in demeanor and Dick's response feeling disjointed. The scene could benefit from a more cohesive narrative and clearer character motivations.
  • The pacing of the scene is also slow and disjointed, with long stretches of silence and minimal action. The introduction of the DEA agents feels sudden and out of place, without any clear buildup or explanation. The scene could benefit from a more structured and focused narrative, with a clearer sense of tension and urgency.
  • The visual elements of the scene are also underutilized. The description of the dystopian setting is intriguing, but it's not fully realized on screen. The rope bridge and the dilapidated building could be more visually striking, with more detail and texture. The scene could also benefit from more dynamic camera work and editing to better convey the tension and action.
  • The dialogue between Dick and Val is also lacking in depth and nuance. The conversation feels forced and unnatural, with no clear emotional connection between the characters. The scene could benefit from more authentic and nuanced dialogue, with a clearer sense of character development and motivation.
  • Overall, the scene feels disjointed and disconnected, with a lack of cohesive narrative and clear character motivations. The introduction of younger versions of Dick and Val is intriguing, but it's not fully realized on screen. The scene could benefit from a more structured and focused narrative, with a clearer sense of tension and urgency.
Suggestions
  • To improve the scene, I suggest focusing on a clearer narrative and character motivations. The introduction of younger versions of Dick and Val could be more fully realized, with a clearer explanation of their appearance and their relationship to the older versions of the characters. The dialogue between Dick and Val could also be more authentic and nuanced, with a clearer emotional connection between the characters.
  • To improve the visual elements of the scene, I suggest focusing on more dynamic camera work and editing to better convey the tension and action. The rope bridge and the dilapidated building could also be more visually striking, with more detail and texture.
  • To improve the pacing of the scene, I suggest focusing on a more structured and focused narrative, with a clearer sense of tension and urgency. The introduction of the DEA agents could also be more fully realized, with a clearer buildup and explanation.
  • Overall, I suggest focusing on a more cohesive and focused narrative, with a clearer sense of character development and motivation. By doing so, the scene will be more engaging and impactful for the audience.



Scene 31 -  A Tense Confrontation in the Jail Cell
INT. JAIL - HOLDING CELL - NIGHT

1982 Dick paces back and forth like a caged animal in a dark,
filthy cell with a flickering red streetlight from outside
the window casting dramatic shadows. Lingering in a dark
corner of the same cell is Dick, who sits observing with his
hands folded over his knees. 1982 Dick is oblivious to Dick.

A PRISON GUARD escorts a familiar figure with wavy grey hair
in a trench coat and designer suit to the cell. It’s Victor
(Val’s dad from the funeral flashback earlier).

PRISON GUARD
Dickman? You got company.

1982 Dick stops pacing and looks at Victor. Victor’s eyes are
heavy with contempt as the red streetlight flashes on and off
on the dark side of his face.

1982 DICK
Shit.

1982 Dick puts his hands on his head and paces in a circle to
collect himself. Dick looks on with interest.

PRISON GUARD
Five minutes. Make it snappy.

The prison guard steps away.
84.


VICTOR
Well well, look what the cat puked
up.

1982 DICK
What do you want?

VICTOR
Believe me, I wanna be here like I
want a reverse vasectomy.

Victor lights up a cigarette.

1982 DICK
So, ya gonna get me off or what?

VICTOR
Maybe.

1982 DICK
Well you can fuck right off if
you’re gonna be a prick about it.

VICTOR
Such a charmer. My little girl sure
knows how to pick ‘em.

1982 Dick sighs and approaches the bars.

1982 DICK
Look, can ya just get me the fuck
outta here? It’s important.

VICTOR
For once, Dick, we are in
agreement.

1982 DICK
Good.

VICTOR
But my help won’t come without a
cost.

1982 DICK
(scoffs)
Sure, take it up with my
accountant.

1982 Dick turns and begins to pace again. Victor takes a long
drag from his cigarette.
85.


VICTOR
You don’t much care for me, do you,
Dick?

1982 DICK
Gee, what gave ya that idea?

VICTOR
That’s alright. I don’t like you
either. Only difference is you
don’t have the faintest idea why.

1982 Dick stops and looks back at Victor with incredulity.

VICTOR (CONT'D)
Oh sure. You look at me and see
some square, Wall Street lawyer
asshole. You might even be foolish
enough to believe those are the
reasons you hate me.

1982 DICK
Don’t flatter yourself.

VICTOR
You know what I think, Dick? I
think I scare the living piss out
of you.

1982 DICK
(snorts with derision)
Scared a you? Shit, I forgot you
FiDi boys are snortin’ the good
stuff.

VICTOR
You hate me because I’m everything
you’re afraid to become. I’m your
worst nightmare. Well my friend,
it’s time to face the nightmare.

Dick takes a keen interest in the exchange.

VICTOR (CONT'D)
Here’s the deal. I’ve got a very
stupid daughter that I love very
much, and she’s very pregnant.

1982 DICK
So the cat’s outta the-

VICTOR
Pants, yes, unfortunately. The
thing is, she’s keeping it.
86.


1982 DICK
Woah woah woah, I don’t think so,
pard. Just-

Victor claps.

VICTOR
It’s a done deal, “pard.” Trust me
on this one. Only question is
whether you’re ready to graduate
from turd to man.

1982 DICK
How ‘bout that.

VICTOR
God knows what my little girl sees
in you, but for whatever jerkoff
reason, she wants you to be in the
picture. You better thank the
horseshoe that hit you in the head
for whatever it is because it’s the
only reason we’re having this
conversation.

1982 Dick bends over and addresses his crotch.

1982 DICK
Thank you, thank you so much, thank-

VICTOR
Dick!

1982 Dick looks back up.

VICTOR (CONT'D)
We don’t have a lotta time, so
listen up, fuckstick. It’s real
simple: if you want my help, you’re
gonna have to clean up your act,
marry the girl, and take a job as a
clerk at my firm. Do that, and I’ll
post bail and set you up with the
best criminal defense money can
buy. We’re talking probation and
community service on time served.

1982 DICK
You want me to work for you?

VICTOR
I want you to work for a guy who
works for a guy who works for me.
87.


1982 DICK
Sounds like a real hoot.

VICTOR
So we have an agreement?

1982 DICK
I dunno, Vic. I ain’t so sure
jail’s all that bad. Least here, I
can see the bars.

VICTOR
Sure that’s how you wanna play it,
champ?

Dick shrugs. Victor stamps out his cigarette.

VICTOR (CONT'D)
Sure, maybe you’d rather remain a
useless turd rotting away in a jail
cell than enter the land of the
living. And hey, maybe I’m happy to
lean on the judge for harsher
sentencing and, I dunno, clue a few
interested parties in on where you
go nights?

1982 Dick grows sullen, caught off guard.

VICTOR (CONT'D)
Bellamy’s? The Ramada? Yeah. I may
look like some square prick to you,
but I put a dozen pieces of shit
like you away before breakfast
every morning. I’m fucking
relentless, and I never lose. Face
it Dick, you’re out of your league.

1982 Dick looks at Victor. Surrender.

VICTOR (CONT'D)
So. Do we have an agreement?

Victor extends his hand through the bars.

As 1982 Dick reaches out to shake Victor’s hand, the
streetlight goes dim, and the entire environment, including
1982 Dick, Victor, and Dick, dematerialize into billions of
pieces.
88.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, 1982 Dick is pacing in a dark and filthy jail cell when Victor, Val's dad, is brought in by a prison guard. Victor expresses contempt towards Dick and offers him a deal to get out of jail. He wants Dick to clean up his act, marry Val, and work at his firm. After some hesitation, Dick agrees and shakes Victor's hand. The scene ends with the environment dematerializing.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Compelling conflict
  • Unique setting
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be tightened

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and intense, with strong dialogue and a unique setting. The conflict between 1982 Dick and Victor creates tension and keeps the audience invested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a negotiation between a prisoner and his girlfriend's father adds depth to the story and explores themes of redemption and responsibility.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as 1982 Dick is given an ultimatum that will impact his future and the direction of the story.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of a jail cell is not unique, the dialogue and interactions between the characters bring a fresh and engaging approach to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their motivations and conflicts are clearly portrayed. The dynamic between 1982 Dick and Victor is particularly compelling.

Character Changes: 8

1982 Dick experiences a significant character change as he is forced to confront his fears and make a decision about his future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to get out of jail and avoid a harsh sentence. This reflects his deeper desire for freedom and his fear of being trapped and losing control of his life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince Victor to help him get out of jail. This reflects the immediate circumstance of being in jail and the challenge of finding a way to escape or receive assistance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between 1982 Dick and Victor is intense and drives the scene. The stakes are high as 1982 Dick's future hangs in the balance.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces a difficult negotiation with Victor and the potential consequences of not accepting his offer.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high as 1982 Dick's freedom and future are on the line. The outcome of the negotiation will have a significant impact on the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by presenting a crucial decision for 1982 Dick and setting up future conflicts and character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the dialogue and the uncertain outcome of the protagonist's negotiation with Victor.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist and Victor. The conflict revolves around their differing values and worldviews. The protagonist sees Victor as a square, Wall Street lawyer asshole, while Victor believes the protagonist is afraid of becoming like him. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as well as his perception of himself.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact of the scene is heightened by the intense dialogue and the revelation of 1982 Dick's potential future.

Dialogue: 10

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and filled with tension. It reveals the complex relationship between 1982 Dick and Victor and drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the sharp and witty dialogue, the tension between the characters, and the high stakes of the protagonist's situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and urgency. The dialogue and actions of the characters keep the scene moving at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the conflict between the characters, and builds tension towards a resolution.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a confusing introduction of Dick and Val's current lifestyle, which is not fully explained. The audience is left wondering why they are living this way and what led them to this point.
  • The dialogue between Val and 1982 Dick is abrupt and lacks context. The audience is not given enough information to understand the nature of their relationship or why Val is so angry with 1982 Dick.
  • The introduction of DEA agents feels sudden and out of nowhere. The audience is not given enough time to process the situation and understand the stakes.
  • The scene ends with a cliffhanger, leaving the audience uncertain about what will happen to Dick. This creates tension, but it also leaves the audience feeling unresolved.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or resolution. While Val's plan to talk to her dad is mentioned, it is not fully explored or resolved by the end of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a flashback or exposition to explain why Val and 1982 Dick are living this way and what led them to this point.
  • Slow down the dialogue between Val and 1982 Dick to give the audience enough context to understand their relationship and the nature of their argument.
  • Build up to the DEA agents' arrival, perhaps through a series of ominous events or clues that hint at their presence.
  • Consider adding a clear conflict and resolution to the scene, such as a confrontation between Dick and Val's dad or a dilemma that Dick must face.
  • Consider adding a clear resolution to the scene, such as Dick's decision to accept Victor's offer or his decision to reject it and face the consequences.



Scene 32 -  The Eerie Ritual
EXT. CRACK TOWN - NIGHT

Dick re-materializes atom by atom, along with his duffle bag
and weapons, on the mean streets of the neglected ghetto that
he passed over on the rope bridge. HOOKERS, CRACKHEADS, and
boom boxes abound.

Dick picks up his duffle bag and takes to the streets.

A SHIRTLESS TWEAKER bumps into Dick.

SHIRTLESS TWEAKER
Watch it.

Dick walks past a row of scantily clad STREETWALKERS.

STREETWALKER
Hey daddy.

Dick picks up the pace.


EXT. CRACK TOWN - WINDY HILL - LATER

Dick emerges from a street adjacent to a large project and
stops in his tracks.

Sprawled out before Dick is a long, windy road on a slope
illuminated by torchlight leading up to an imposing masonic
temple. Parallel lines of YUPPIE DEVOTEES in red-hooded robes
haul SUVs up the hill with chains strapped to their bodies.
1982 Dick turns hard onto the windy road from a perpendicular
sidewalk. He’s now dressed in a beige business suit. 1982
Dick makes a beeline for the temple.

DICK
Hey!

Dick chases after 1982 Dick.


INT. MASONIC TEMPLE - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Dick enters the temple through a massive door to an arched
hallway with very high ceilings illuminated by lines of
torches. A choir of VOICES engaged in a ritualistic call-and-
response chant echoes through the halls.

Dick follows the sound of the voices.
89.


INT. MASONIC TEMPLE - MAIN CHAMBER - MOMENTS LATER

Dick arrives in the central chamber of the temple, which is
an ancient, sanctified version of the floor of the New York
Stock Exchange. More HOODED DEVOTEES are engaged in an
elaborate ritual, chanting as they circle monitors and stock
tickers in a choreographed rhythm. Leading the devotees on an
elevated platform at the center of the chamber is a RONALD
REAGAN CENTAUR. He’s a half-horse, half-man with horse legs,
a ripped human torso, and the engorged head and old wrinkly
face of Ronald Reagan, wielding a torch staff.

The hair stands up on the back of Dick’s neck when he spots
Minos floating to the Reagan Centaur from behind.

Minos puts his hand on the Reagan Centaur’s shoulder,
whispers something in his ear, then stealthily vanishes into
the crowd behind him.

Dick’s eyes move across the trading floor until he locates
1982 Dick, who stands near a staircase where Victor awaits
him in front of one of the offices on the second floor.

Dick walks toward 1982 Dick. As he does so, he notices a
group of devotees forming parallel lines that lead to a patch
of rising steam in the middle of the trading floor.

Dick arrives behind 1982 Dick.

1982 Dick slinks up the staircase with his head bowed. As
1982 Dick climbs each stair, the chanting and choreographed
ritual grows faster and more intense.

Dick looks back and forth between 1982 Dick on the staircase
and the steam cloud, recognizing the fateful choice he has to
make.

Dick bites his lip and marches after 1982 Dick.

Dick looks on intently while climbing the stairs as Victor
greets 1982 Dick, shaking his hand and showing him his new
office. Dick studies the overwhelming vacant misery on 1982
Dick’s face and stops in his tracks.

Dick looks back at the steam, then back up at 1982 Dick as he
lumbers into his office like it was a crypt. Dick musters his
courage, turns around, and heads the other way.

Dick approaches the parallel lines of devotees leading to the
rising steam. He stops for a moment, eyes the devotees
individually and then proceeds to walk very deliberately, one
tenuous step at a time. The chanting and choreographed ritual
quiets down. All is silent except for a single bass drum.
90.


At the end of the parallel lines, a crowd of devotees is
circled around the steam. The circle parts, revealing the
source of the steam: a gorgeous, turquoise, crystalline
geothermal pool surrounded by hundreds of candles.

Dick takes a few deep breaths, then approaches the pool. All
is silent.

Dick trembles as he kneels down and gazes into the pool.

The steam clears, bringing Dick’s reflection into sharper
focus. Then...Dick’s reflection morphs and reshapes into a
different familiar figure...The chanting picks up again in a
gentle whisper...

Dick’s reflection has transformed into Andy Warhol’s!!

Dick screams in utter terror and revulsion. The Reagan
Centaur pounds his torch staff, and his devotees break into a
loud, blood-curdling chant.

Dick smacks his reflection, and the boiling hot pool sears
his hands.

DICK
Owwww!!!

Before Dick can get his hand out, the water latches onto his
hands and arm like tar that spreads up his entire body, then
sucks him into the simmering pit.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Thriller"]

Summary Dick finds himself in a neglected ghetto and encounters a shirtless tweaker and streetwalkers. He then arrives at a masonic temple where a ritual is led by a Ronald Reagan Centaur. Minos whispers something to the Centaur and disappears. Dick follows 1982 Dick and chooses to investigate a patch of rising steam instead of following him. He discovers a geothermal pool where his reflection morphs into Andy Warhol's, causing him to scream in terror. As the Reagan Centaur and his devotees chant loudly, Dick's hand gets stuck in the boiling pool and he is sucked in.
Strengths
  • Engaging and captivating atmosphere
  • Intense dialogue
  • Unique and imaginative elements
Weaknesses

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly engaging and captivating, with its dark and surreal atmosphere, intense dialogue, and unique elements. The tension and fear are palpable, and the scene leaves a lasting impact on the audience.


    Story Content

    Concept: 9

    The concept of a masonic temple with a Ronald Reagan Centaur and a geothermal pool reflecting Andy Warhol is highly imaginative and original. It adds a layer of mystery and intrigue to the story.

    Plot: 8

    The plot in this scene revolves around Dick's journey through a dystopian version of Manhattan, his encounter with younger versions of himself and Val, and the offer made by Val's father. It keeps the audience engaged and curious about what will happen next.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of a neglected ghetto and a masonic temple is not entirely unique, the combination of elements such as the presence of crackheads, boom boxes, and a Ronald Reagan Centaur adds a fresh and unexpected twist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also contributes to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 8

    The characters in this scene, particularly Dick, Val, and Victor, are well-developed and their interactions are filled with tension and emotion. Their motivations and conflicts drive the scene forward.

    Character Changes: 8

    Dick undergoes a significant change in this scene, from hesitating to surrendering to Victor's offer. This change sets up a new direction for his character arc.

    Internal Goal: 7

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that he is searching for something or someone. This reflects his deeper need for answers or resolution.

    External Goal: 8

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to chase after his past self, 1982 Dick, who is heading towards the masonic temple. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges the protagonist is facing.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The conflict in this scene is high, with tension between Dick, Val, and Victor, as well as the looming threat of the DEA agents. It keeps the audience on edge and drives the story forward.

    Opposition: 7

    The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist faces obstacles such as the presence of crackheads and the need to chase after his past self, but the outcome of these obstacles is not uncertain.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes in this scene are high, with Dick facing imprisonment, the potential loss of Val, and the allure of power and redemption. The consequences of his choices are significant.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, such as the masonic temple and the offer made by Victor. It also sets up new conflicts and challenges for the characters.

    Unpredictability: 8

    This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected elements such as the presence of a Ronald Reagan Centaur and the protagonist's reflection morphing into Andy Warhol's. These surprises add to the intrigue and mystery of the scene.

    Philosophical Conflict: 0

    There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene evokes fear, terror, and revulsion, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience. The intense emotions experienced by the characters are palpable.

    Dialogue: 9

    The dialogue in this scene is intense, filled with conflict, and reveals the characters' emotions and motivations. It keeps the audience engaged and adds depth to the scene.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it introduces a mysterious and dangerous world, presents clear goals for the protagonist, and includes unexpected elements such as the Ronald Reagan Centaur. The pacing and tension build as the scene progresses.

    Pacing: 9

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The scene progresses at a steady pace, with moments of action and moments of reflection.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, introduces the protagonist's internal and external goals, and progresses through different locations and interactions.


    Critique
    • The scene is visually stunning and immersive, with vivid descriptions of the dystopian setting and the surreal elements. However, the dialogue is sparse and doesn't add much to the scene. It would be helpful to have more dialogue between Dick and Val to develop their relationship and the conflict between their current lifestyle and the need to find a way out.
    • The introduction of the DEA agents feels sudden and abrupt, without any clear build-up or foreshadowing. It would be more effective to have some clues or hints earlier in the scene to create tension and suspense.
    • The scene with Victor is intense and dramatic, but the resolution feels rushed and unrealistic. It would be more believable if Dick had more hesitation and doubt before agreeing to Victor's terms. It would also be helpful to have more backstory and context about Victor's motivations and relationship with Dick and Val.
    • The scene with the Reagan Centaur and the trading floor is surreal and dreamlike, but it's not clear how it fits into the overall narrative or theme of the screenplay. It would be more effective to have a clearer connection between this scene and the previous scenes, and to have a more defined role for the Reagan Centaur in the story.
    • The ending with Dick's reflection transforming into Andy Warhol's is shocking and disturbing, but it's not clear what it means or how it relates to the rest of the scene. It would be more effective to have a clearer explanation or context for this surreal moment.
    Suggestions
    • Add more dialogue between Dick and Val to develop their relationship and the conflict between their current lifestyle and the need to find a way out.
    • Create more tension and suspense by having some clues or hints earlier in the scene about the DEA agents.
    • Have more hesitation and doubt from Dick before agreeing to Victor's terms, and provide more backstory and context about Victor's motivations and relationship with Dick and Val.
    • Make a clearer connection between the scene with the Reagan Centaur and the previous scenes, and define a more specific role for the Reagan Centaur in the story.
    • Provide a clearer explanation or context for the surreal moment with Dick's reflection transforming into Andy Warhol's.



    Scene 33 -  Journey Through a Warhol-ized Home
    INT. WINDING PIPES - ANYTIME

    Dick is jettisoned through a network of plumbing pipes by a
    surging stream while screaming his head off.

    Dick looks up and finds that he’s racing toward an opening
    blaring with blinding white light.

    DICK
    Ahhhhhh!!

    The water thrusts Dick into the opening, where he gets stuck
    for a moment until the water produces enough force to push
    him all the way through.


    DICK’S POV - INSIDE BATHTUB - DAY

    Waves of rippling water above us distort the contours of a
    tub that we are submerged in. The bathroom is ROTOSCOPED like
    a Warhol-style lithograph. The muffled rhythmic drone of a
    news report can be heard vaguely through the ripples.
    91.


    INT. WARHOL-IZED HOME - BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

    Dick rises out of the full tub with water dripping off his
    clothes, weapons, and duffle bag.

    Dick finds that he’s the only photorealistic entity in the
    strange yet somehow familiar rotoscoped domicile. The AM/FM
    radio on the sink reports more bad news from the Vietnam War.

    SUPERIMPOSE: “1972”

    Dick exits the bathroom.


    WARHOL-IZED HOME - LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

    Dick walks into a blanket of smoke that engulfs a lower-
    middle class living room, which includes a La-Z-Boy recliner
    surrounded ritualistically by stacks of vintage T.V. sets
    playing football games, boxing matches, and news reports that
    reflect the state of America as a country in erosion and
    decline...This includes the oil embargo, Abscam, the Iranian
    hostage crisis, and beyond.

    Dick approaches the La-Z-Boy, which contains the looming
    vestige of an angry father figure in the form of the imprint
    of his large ass, a burning cigarette in an ashtray, a pair
    of cowboy boots, and hunting rifles mounted on the wall.

    Dick chokes on the smoke, coughs, and darts out of the smokey
    abyss, seeking refuge.


    WARHOL-IZED HOME - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

    Dick coughs up a storm as he rushes past a wall where the
    “Dickman” family crest, a crucifix, and an excruciating
    family portrait are hung.

    A portable TV on the kitchen counter plays a grainy telecast
    of a PENTECOSTAL TELEVANGELIST giving a fire and brimstone
    sermon casting aspersions on various “transgressives” (e.g.,
    “homosexuals,” “Hollywood types,” etc.).

    Dick arrives at the kitchen sink and pulls the faucet. No
    water.

    Dick flings open the fridge. It’s empty.
    92.


    WARHOL-IZED HOME - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

    Dick recovers from his coughing fit as he enters an extended,
    Caligari-esque version of the suburban hallway featuring rows
    of identical doors. The floor is one giant LED screen that
    displays Jimmy Carter’s “Malaise” speech. Carter’s melodious
    southern drawl is accompanied by the throat singing of unseen
    Tibetan monks. Smoke seeps out of the closed door facing Dick
    at the very end of the extended hallway.

    Dick inches toward the smokey door at the end of the hall,
    with each door he passes en route containing the soundtrack
    to yet another 1970s crisis.

    Dick arrives at the smokey door and stops when he hears the
    raging screams of demonic entities. Dick listens to the
    carnage for a moment, then braces himself and bursts into the
    smokey portal.


    WARHOL-IZED HOME - MASTER BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

    SLOW MOTION

    Dick steps through the hellish wall of smoke when a plume of
    fire flares up right in front of him, knocking him on his
    back.

    Dick looks up, and two horrifying figures emerge from the
    cloudy shroud: his parents in the form of Warhol-ized DEMON
    HYBRIDS. They bark at each other in incoherent guttural
    screeches with a southern twang as fire continues to burst up
    intermittently from the floor around them. As their argument
    escalates, the flames grow larger and stronger.

    The argument between the demon hybrids escalates into a
    physical struggle. Demon Dick Sr grabs Demon Dorothy’s neck
    and belches fire onto her face, causing her to unleash a
    piercing, primal scream.

    Dick closes his eyes, covers his ears, and bolts out of the
    room.

    END SLOW MOTION


    WARHOL-IZED HOME - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

    Dick races out of the smokey bedroom and barges through
    another door.
    93.


    WARHOL-IZED HOME - DICK’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS

    Dick slams the door behind him in a bland boy’s bedroom and
    springs into the undersized bed, wrapping himself in a race
    car blanket.

    Thunderous footsteps rumble from outside the bedroom door,
    accompanied by the screeches of Dick’s demon-hybrid parents
    as smoke seeps through the door crack.

    Dick leaps to his closet and tosses some stray clothes and
    crates aside, revealing a trap door built into the wall.

    Dick flings the trap door open and climbs in, squeezing his
    duffle bag in with him.


    WARHOL-IZED HOME - CRAWL SPACE - CONTINUOUS

    Dick crawls through dirt in the underbelly of the house
    flanked by wooden joist supports where various boxes,
    antiques, and family heirlooms are stored.

    Dick’s attention is captured by a flickering light from the
    cement partial basement below. Dick crawls toward it.


    WARHOL-IZED HOME - PARTIAL BASEMENT - MOMENTS LATER

    Dick hunches over to navigate the low-ceiling basement and
    approaches the light source.

    Dick turns the corner, and the light source is unveiled: a
    work light attached to a support beam that illuminates a
    Warhol-ized version of little 1972 Dick with his neatly-
    parted hair standing before a canvas on an easel, painting in
    his little sanctuary.

    Dick approaches 1972 Dick from behind the easel.

    1972 Dick looks up at Dick, noticing the rifles strapped to
    his back.

    1972 DICK
    What’s that for.

    Dick takes a seat, getting closer to eye level with 1972
    Dick.

    DICK
    Huntin’.

    1972 Dick continues to paint.
    94.


    1972 DICK
    You’re gonna hurt someone, ain’t
    ya?

    DICK
    I reckon so. Maybe...

    1972 DICK
    Does he have it comin’?

    DICK
    I-I think so.

    1972 DICK
    How come?

    DICK
    If ya asked me yesterday, I’da told
    ya it was to save the country from
    a fate worse than death.

    Dick’s eyes wander over to a dusty, broken antique mirror
    propped up in the corner of the basement. For the first time
    in Dick’s journey, he sees the clear, undistorted image of
    himself staring right back with a vacant expression and sad,
    heavy eyes.

    DICK (CONT'D)
    But truth is, I think it’s cuz he’s
    everything that’s wrong with me. My
    weakness. My failure.

    Dick looks back at 1972 Dick.

    DICK (CONT'D)
    Maybe if he was gone, I could
    finally break the cycle. Make
    things right. Or at least give
    myself a chance to-

    1972 DICK
    Escape?

    DICK
    Yes.

    1972 DICK
    I get it. Dad don’t like it when I
    paint so this is my escape.

    Dick glances back toward the crawl space, where the faint
    sound of the booming footsteps above can be heard.
    95.


    DICK
    I remember...

    1972 DICK
    Do you?

    Dick walks around to the front of the easel next to 1972
    Dick, where he discovers what’s on the canvas: a glowing,
    saint-like portrait of Andy Warhol in his warehouse art
    studio with his eyes closed peacefully, a rose in his hand,
    and his heart visibly radiating out incandescent energy.

    Dick is overwhelmed by the power this image seems to have
    over him. The energy from the Warhol portrait’s heart bursts
    forth from the canvas, slowly engulfing Dick.

    The energy around Dick explodes into a fiery cocoon.
    Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama"]

    Summary In this scene, Dick is propelled through plumbing pipes and emerges in a Warhol-ized home. He explores various rooms, encountering smoke, empty spaces, and crisis-related news reports. In the master bedroom, he witnesses his demon-hybrid parents arguing. Dick escapes to his room, hides in a closet, and crawls through a crawl space to reach a basement. In the basement, he meets a Warhol-ized version of himself and they discuss hunting and escaping. The scene ends with Dick being engulfed by the energy from a portrait of Andy Warhol.
    Strengths
    • Powerful and intense atmosphere
    • Effective use of surreal visuals
    • Strong emotional impact
    Weaknesses
    • Minimal dialogue

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly effective in creating a sense of unease and tension. The surreal visuals and intense emotions make it a memorable and impactful moment in the screenplay.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of a distorted, Warhol-ized version of reality adds a unique and intriguing layer to the scene. It creates a dreamlike atmosphere and allows for exploration of deeper themes.

    Plot: 7

    The plot in this scene focuses on Dick's journey through a distorted version of his past and his confrontation with his own demons. It provides important character development and sets up future conflicts.

    Originality: 9

    This scene demonstrates a high level of originality. The surreal and distorted visuals, the blending of personal and historical elements, and the exploration of internal conflicts in a unique and imaginative way all contribute to its originality. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also adds to its originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 8

    The characters in this scene, particularly Dick and his parents, are portrayed in a haunting and intense manner. Their interactions and struggles add depth to the story.

    Character Changes: 8

    Dick undergoes a significant emotional journey in this scene, confronting his past and his own weaknesses. This sets up potential character growth and development in the future.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to escape from his own personal demons and find redemption. He wants to break free from the cycle of weakness and failure that he sees in himself.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to physically escape from the smokey and chaotic environment of his childhood home.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 8

    The conflict between Dick and his parents, as well as his internal struggle, creates a high level of tension and adds to the overall intensity of the scene.

    Opposition: 8

    The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces physical and emotional obstacles in his attempt to escape from his childhood home and confront his demons.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes are high in this scene as Dick confronts his own demons and makes important decisions that will impact his future.

    Story Forward: 7

    The scene moves the story forward by providing important character development and setting up future conflicts and challenges for the protagonist.

    Unpredictability: 8

    This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected and surreal elements, such as the rotoscoped visuals and the demonic hybrid parents. The reader is unsure of what will happen next and how the protagonist will navigate this strange world.

    Philosophical Conflict: 9

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire for redemption and his belief in the need to eliminate the source of his weakness. This conflict challenges his values and worldview.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 10

    The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, sadness, and unease. The intense visuals and the portrayal of personal struggles make it emotionally impactful.

    Dialogue: 6

    The dialogue in this scene is minimal but impactful. It conveys the emotions and conflicts between the characters effectively.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it immerses the reader in a surreal and chaotic world, introduces intriguing conflicts and goals for the protagonist, and creates a sense of tension and unease.

    Pacing: 7

    The pacing of this scene is effective in creating tension and building towards the climax. The slow-motion moments and the bursts of action and dialogue contribute to its effectiveness.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively uses scene headings, action lines, and dialogue to convey the visuals and actions of the characters.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively establishes the setting, introduces the protagonist's goals, and builds tension and conflict.


    Critique
    • The scene is visually striking with its use of rotoscoping and surreal imagery, but it lacks a clear narrative. The audience is left confused about where Dick is and what is happening to him. It would be helpful to have some sort of introduction or context to ground the viewer before delving into the surreal elements. Additionally, the dialogue between Dick and his father figure feels forced and lacks depth. It would be more impactful to explore their relationship through flashbacks or dream sequences rather than a brief conversation in the present.
    Suggestions
    • Consider starting the scene in a more grounded setting, such as a familiar location or a flashback to Dick's childhood. This will allow the audience to connect with Dick's character and understand his motivations before entering the surreal world. Additionally, consider developing Dick's relationship with his father figure through a series of flashbacks or dream sequences that reveal the source of their conflict. This will add depth to their relationship and make the audience more invested in Dick's journey.



    Scene 34 -  Lost in Time: Dick's Mysterious Journey through 1960s Manhattan
    INT. LOVE PORTAL - ANYTIME

    Dick is whisked through the fire into a swirling kaleidoscope
    of pink, red, and orange smoke


    EXT. ALLEYWAY - MANHATTAN, LOWER EAST SIDE - DAY

    Dick free falls down from the clouds straight into a dumpster
    in a rundown alley in the Lower East Side, along with all his
    weapons and duffle bag. We have transitioned back to
    completely photorealistic LIVE ACTION.

    SUPERIMPOSE: “1962”

    Dick climbs out of the dumpster and takes in his new
    surroundings. A pair of DERANGED VAGABONDS are passed out by
    a pile of trinkets on the other side of the alley as a police
    siren sounds in the distance.

    Dick stashes his weapons and duffle bag behind the dumpster
    and goes on his way.


    EXT. STREETS OF MANHATTAN - MOMENTS LATER

    Dick strolls the bustling streets of the Big Apple in the
    early ‘60s past brick buildings, tail fin coupes, cat eye
    sunglasses, STYLISH PROFESSIONALS, and BOHEMIANS.


    EXT. STREETS OF MANHATTAN - SIDEWALK CAFE - MOMENTS LATER

    A BUSINESSMAN in a fedora and pinstriped suit sips coffee on
    the patio of a sidewalk cafe, reading a newspaper.
    96.


    Dick approaches the businessman and plucks the paper from his
    hand.


    DICK’S POV - NEWSPAPER

    Dick scans past an article about President Kennedy
    authorizing more military advisors in Vietnam and hones in on
    the print date: “July 8th, 1962.


    SIDEWALK CAFE

    Dick hands the newspaper back.

    DICK
    Keep an eye on that grassy knoll,
    huh?

    Dick goes on his way.


    EXT. MIDTOWN EAST - DAY

    Dick wanders past waves of protestors at a Civil Rights rally
    in a busy plaza near Central Park.

    Dick double takes when he spots a KID with neatly parted
    sliding through the crowd toward a department store. Is that
    1972 Dick?

    The kid enters the department store. Dick tails him.


    INT. DEPARTMENT STORE - CONTINUOUS

    Dick pursues the kid through rows of TV sets, all playing
    broadcasts featuring old-school truth tellers like Walter
    Cronkite, Earl Warren, Dwight Eisenhower, and Edward R.
    Murrow making eloquent monologues.

    The kid stands before the warm, radiant glow of a color TV
    playing a technicolor western like Duel in the Sun in the
    middle of an aisle.

    Dick tracks down the kid, grabs him, and turns him
    around...It’s not 1972 Dick.

    From the reflection of the color TV, Dick spots a TOP HAT MAN
    that seems to be a carbon copy of himself.

    Dick spins around and pursues the Top Hat Man as he steps out
    of the rear exit of the store.
    97.


    EXT. DEPARTMENT STORE - CONTINUOUS

    Dick bursts out the back door to an alleyway behind the
    department store, right into a hansom cab that rushes in and
    knocks Dick on his back as it pulls to a stop.

    Dick returns to his feet and finds ANOTHER TOP HAT MAN
    boarding the hansom cab...It’s not another Dick, just an
    anonymous hansom cab driver.

    A group of NATIONAL GUARDSMEN bound across the alleyway in
    the opposite direction. One of them appears to be 2002 Dick
    with the camos and eyepatch.

    DICK
    Hey!

    Dick goes after the guardsmen as they turn the corner out of
    the alley.


    EXT. MIDTOWN EAST - THE FACTORY - MOMENTS LATER

    Dick comes to a screeching halt when he pulls around the
    corner.

    Standing before Dick: Andy Warhol’s Factory! A crowd of
    ECCENTRIC PARTY GUESTS in zany artsy-fartsy costumes file
    into the brick building.

    Dick’s eyes move up to a window on the second floor as an all-
    too-iconic figure approaches: the platinum-wigged demon, Andy
    Warhol in the flesh!

    Dick turns red and slinks away.


    I/E. THE FACTORY - ENTRANCE - EVENING

    A DRAG QUEEN with a clipboard serves as the doorkeeper,
    checking in PARTY GUESTS as they enter the building. First,
    CLEOPATRA, then a pair of SHIRTLESS ASTRONAUTS, then Dick in
    his full camos, strapped with rifles, handguns, bandoliers,
    and hand grenades.

    DRAG QUEEN
    Allen, is that you, hun?

    Dick glances at the drag queen awkwardly.

    DRAG QUEEN (CONT'D)
    Get your cute butt in there.

    Dick enters.
    98.
    Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Thriller"]

    Summary Dick is transported through a love portal and finds himself in a rundown alley in Manhattan in 1962. He explores the streets, encounters various individuals resembling him, and follows a kid into a department store. Inside, he sees a reflection of himself in a top hat man and pursues him. Dick is knocked down by a hansom cab and encounters another top hat man who turns out to be a cab driver. He then chases after a group of National Guardsmen who resemble him. The scene shifts to Andy Warhol's Factory, where Dick awkwardly interacts with a drag queen before finally entering the building.
    Strengths
    • Engaging plot
    • Unique concept
    • Tense atmosphere
    Weaknesses
    • Dialogue could be more impactful
    • Character development could be deeper

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly engaging and intriguing, with its unique elements and tense atmosphere. It keeps the audience guessing and wanting to know more.


    Story Content

    Concept: 9

    The concept of time travel and encountering historical figures adds depth and intrigue to the scene. It creates a sense of mystery and opens up possibilities for the plot.

    Plot: 9

    The plot is captivating and keeps the audience engaged. The protagonist's journey through different time periods and encounters with various characters create suspense and anticipation.

    Originality: 9

    The level of originality in this scene is high. The concept of multiple versions of the protagonist coexisting in different time periods is fresh and intriguing. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


    Character Development

    Characters: 8

    The characters are intriguing and their interactions add depth to the scene. The protagonist's determination and curiosity drive the plot forward.

    Character Changes: 7

    The protagonist undergoes some changes in terms of his perception of time and his understanding of the consequences of his actions. However, these changes could be further explored and developed.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate through the unfamiliar world he has been transported to and find his way back to his own time. This reflects his deeper need for a sense of belonging and his fear of being stuck in a place where he doesn't belong.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find and confront the Top Hat Man who seems to be a carbon copy of himself. This reflects the immediate challenge of understanding the mysterious connection between the protagonist and the other versions of himself.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 8

    There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both internal and external. The protagonist faces challenges and obstacles in different time periods, creating tension and suspense.

    Opposition: 6

    The opposition in this scene is moderately strong. The protagonist faces obstacles and challenges, such as finding the Top Hat Man and understanding the nature of his connection to the other versions of himself. The audience is kept in suspense about the outcome of these conflicts.

    High Stakes: 8

    The stakes are high as the protagonist navigates through different time periods and encounters dangerous situations. The consequences of his actions have far-reaching implications.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing new settings, characters, and conflicts. It adds depth and complexity to the overall narrative.

    Unpredictability: 8

    This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected twists and turns, such as the revelation that the Top Hat Man is not another version of the protagonist and the appearance of the National Guardsman who resembles the protagonist from 2002.

    Philosophical Conflict: 6

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the existence of alternate realities and the challenge of accepting the possibility that he may be connected to these other versions of himself. This conflict challenges the protagonist's worldview and forces him to question the nature of his own identity.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 7

    The scene evokes curiosity and intrigue, but the emotional impact could be further enhanced through deeper character development and more impactful dialogue.

    Dialogue: 7

    The dialogue is effective in conveying information and creating tension. However, it could be further improved to enhance the emotional impact and character development.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it introduces intriguing mysteries and conflicts, creates a vivid and immersive world, and keeps the audience guessing about the protagonist's journey and the nature of his connection to the other versions of himself.

    Pacing: 7

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of action and moments of reflection, creating a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and curious.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting to effectively convey the visual and auditory elements of the scene.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the protagonist's internal and external goals, presents obstacles and conflicts, and sets up future developments in the narrative.


    Critique
    • The scene starts abruptly with Dick being whisked through a network of pipes, which could be confusing for the audience. It would be helpful to provide some context or explanation for this sudden change in setting.
    • The surreal and dreamlike quality of the scene is intense, but it could also be overwhelming for the viewer. It might be beneficial to balance the surreal elements with more grounded moments to provide a contrast and prevent the audience from becoming disoriented.
    • The dialogue in this scene is limited, which could make it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters and understand their motivations. It might be helpful to add some dialogue or inner monologue to provide more insight into Dick's thoughts and feelings.
    • The scene ends abruptly with the energy from the Warhol portrait engulfing Dick, which could leave the audience feeling unsatisfied. It might be helpful to provide some resolution or closure to the scene to give the audience a sense of completion.
    • The use of symbolism and metaphor in this scene is intriguing, but it could also be confusing for the audience. It might be helpful to provide some explanation or context for these symbols to help the audience understand their significance.
    Suggestions
    • Consider adding some dialogue or inner monologue to provide more insight into Dick's thoughts and feelings.
    • Consider balancing the surreal elements with more grounded moments to prevent the audience from becoming disoriented.
    • Consider providing some context or explanation for the sudden change in setting to prevent confusion for the audience.
    • Consider providing some resolution or closure to the scene to give the audience a sense of completion.
    • Consider providing some explanation or context for the symbols and metaphors used in the scene to help the audience understand their significance.



    Scene 35 -  Confrontation at the Factory
    INT. THE FACTORY - MOMENTS LATER

    Dick walks through the crowd of eccentric party guests across
    the floor of the Factory with its aluminum foil-covered pipes
    and columns, Chinese lanterns, and scattered art pieces
    surrounded by 360 degrees of blank white canvas.

    Dick stops when he sees a group of preening guests orbiting
    around Warhol as he bends their ears with his customary
    nonchalance.

    Dick recoils and takes cover behind a nearby column beneath
    an erotic Warhol painting.

    Dick peaks back around the corner of the painting back in the
    direction of Warhol to discover that the scene around him has
    completely changed.

    The party guests around Warhol have been replaced by all of
    the past Dicks that Dick has encountered along his journey:
    2012 Dick, 2002 Dick, 1992 Dick, 1982 Dick, and 1972 Dick.


    EXT. WEEPING LLAMA SPIRITUAL CENTER - DAY (FLASHBACK)

    In Chief Raj’s prophetic flames, we see Andy Warhol
    surrounded by the shadows of fawning suitors.

    Dick’s eyes burn with rage.


    BACK TO PRESENT

    The group of past Dicks mirror the position of the preening
    suitors in the fire perfectly, brown nosing and laughing
    hysterically at everything Warhol says.

    Dick glares at the past Dicks.

    CUT TO:


    EXT. ICY WASTELAND - MOUTH GATE - DUSK (FLASHBACK)

    Chief Raj addressing Dick in the Crazy Horse near the giant
    ceramic Dick statue.

    CHIEF RAJ
    Aham Brahmas. It means, “I am
    Brahma,” as in “I am God” or “I am
    the universe.” One need not fear
    the petty mortal remnants of his
    earthly incarnations when he sees
    his own divinity.
    99.


    BACK TO PRESENT

    Dick’s eyes move to 1972 Dick, who looks up adoringly at
    Warhol.

    CUT TO:
    Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama"]

    Summary Dick walks through the Factory and sees a group of guests surrounding Warhol. He takes cover behind a column and peeks back to find that the scene has changed. The past versions of Dick appear and mirror the position of the suitors in a flashback. Dick glares at the past Dicks.
    Strengths
    • Unique blend of genres
    • Engaging and captivating
    • Strong emotional impact
    Weaknesses
    • Dialogue could be further improved

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly engaging and captivating, with its unique blend of genres and surreal elements. The tension between the past Dicks and the present Dick adds depth to the story.


    Story Content

    Concept: 9

    The concept of traveling through time and encountering different versions of oneself is intriguing and adds complexity to the narrative.

    Plot: 8

    The plot progresses as Dick navigates through different time periods and encounters various challenges and revelations.

    Originality: 9

    This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its unique depiction of the protagonist's confrontation with his past selves in a party setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


    Character Development

    Characters: 8

    The characters, particularly Dick and the past Dicks, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene.

    Character Changes: 8

    Dick undergoes significant character development as he confronts his past selves and grapples with his own identity.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront and overcome his past selves, represented by the group of past Dicks. This reflects his deeper need to reconcile with his own identity and history.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that he wants to assert his own individuality and separate himself from his past selves.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 8

    The conflict between Dick and the past Dicks, as well as the internal conflict within Dick himself, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

    Opposition: 8

    The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist is faced with the challenge of confronting and overcoming his past selves. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will handle this opposition.

    High Stakes: 8

    The stakes are high as Dick confronts his past and makes choices that will impact his future.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about Dick's past and his journey of self-discovery.

    Unpredictability: 8

    This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the group of past Dicks and the change in the scene around the protagonist. The audience is left wondering how the protagonist will confront and overcome his past selves.

    Philosophical Conflict: 9

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's desire to embrace his own divinity and the influence of Andy Warhol and his past selves. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as he must decide whether to follow his own path or conform to the expectations of others.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly rage and adoration, through the interactions and revelations experienced by Dick.

    Dialogue: 7

    The dialogue is effective in conveying the tension and emotions between the characters, but could be further improved to enhance the scene's impact.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it presents a visually striking and surreal situation, introduces a conflict between the protagonist and his past selves, and creates a sense of tension and curiosity.

    Pacing: 7

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense as the protagonist confronts his past selves.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by clearly establishing the setting, introducing the conflict, and providing a resolution.


    Critique
    • The scene at Andy Warhol's Factory is visually stunning, but it lacks a clear narrative arc. The sudden appearance of all the past Dicks feels disjointed and confusing. It's unclear why they're there or what their presence signifies. This lack of clarity makes it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the scene and understand its significance.
    • The dialogue between Dick and the past Dicks is also underdeveloped. It feels like a missed opportunity to explore Dick's character and his relationship with his past selves. Instead, the conversation devolves into a series of one-liners and quips that don't add much to the scene.
    • The scene could be improved by providing more context for the past Dicks' appearance. Perhaps they could be revealed to be hallucinations or illusions created by Dick's subconscious. This would add a layer of psychological depth to the scene and tie it more closely to the themes of identity and self-discovery that have been present throughout the screenplay.
    • Another potential improvement would be to give the past Dicks more distinct personalities and motivations. This would make their interactions with Dick more interesting and help to clarify their significance.
    • Finally, the scene could benefit from a clearer sense of pacing and structure. The sudden appearance of the past Dicks feels rushed and abrupt, and the scene as a whole lacks a clear beginning, middle, and end. By slowing down the pace and giving the scene more structure, the audience will be better able to follow the action and understand its significance.
    Suggestions
    • To address the lack of clarity surrounding the past Dicks' appearance, consider introducing them gradually, perhaps through a series of dream sequences or flashbacks. This will give the audience time to adjust to their presence and understand their significance.
    • To give the past Dicks more distinct personalities and motivations, consider exploring their relationships with Dick in more detail. Perhaps they could represent different aspects of Dick's personality or different stages of his development. By giving each past Dick a unique perspective, you'll be able to create more interesting and nuanced interactions between them.
    • To improve the pacing and structure of the scene, consider breaking it into smaller, more focused sections. For example, you could have Dick interact with each past Dick separately, allowing the audience to fully understand their motivations and perspectives before moving on to the next one.
    • Another potential improvement would be to give the scene a clearer sense of purpose. Perhaps Dick could be struggling with a specific issue or decision, and the appearance of the past Dicks could help him to clarify his thoughts and make a decision. By giving the scene a clearer narrative arc, you'll be able to create a more satisfying and impactful conclusion.
    • Finally, consider using visual cues and symbolism to tie the scene more closely to the themes of identity and self-discovery. For example, you could have the past Dicks represent different aspects of Dick's identity, or you could use lighting and color to create a sense of unity and cohesion between them.



    Scene 36 -  Frantic Flashbacks and Chaotic Escapes
    INT. DICKMAN RESIDENCE - HALLWAY - DAY (FLASHBACK)

    1972 Dick sprints down the real-life hallway of the modest
    abode as Dick Sr. And Dorothy get into an intense physical
    altercation behind him.

    1972 Dick turns into his room.


    DICKMAN RESIDENCE - DICK’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS (FLASHBACK)

    1972 Dick hops into the trap door in his closet.


    DICKMAN RESIDENCE - CRAWL SPACE - CONTINUOUS (FLASHBACK)

    1972 Dick traverses the crawl space frantically on his hands
    and knees.

    MATCH CUT TO:


    INT. DILAPIDATED BUILDING - HEATING DUCT - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

    In the bowels of the real-life condemned apartment building,
    1982 Dick crawls furiously through a dented metallic heating
    duct, dripping with sweat and tears.

    Little plastic baggies of cocaine slip from his pockets and
    shoes as a pair of COPS with flashlights turn the corner
    behind him and close in fast.


    BACK TO PRESENT

    Dick turns his head toward 1982 Dick as Warhol pets his hair
    playfully.

    MATCH CUT TO:


    INT. MASONIC TEMPLE - MAIN CHAMBER - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

    Dick finishes turning his head in the direction of 1982 Dick
    as he approaches Victor on top of the staircase with his head
    bowed. Victor escorts 1982 Dick to his new office.
    100.


    As the door to the office slams shut-

    SMASH CUT TO:


    EXT. LUXOR CASINO - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

    1992 Dick bursts out of the real-life Luxor Casino onto the
    Vegas strip with Steve-O and Skunk, cackling like a drugged-
    up goose.

    SMASH CUT TO:
    Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama"]

    Summary In this scene, Dick is shown in various flashbacks from different time periods. He sprints down a hallway in 1972, hops into a trap door in his closet, and frantically traverses a crawl space. In 1982, he crawls through a heating duct, dropping baggies of cocaine and being chased by cops. The scene cuts back to the present, where Dick turns his head towards his 1982 self as Warhol pets his hair. In a Masonic Temple flashback, Dick approaches Victor on a staircase and is escorted to his new office. The scene ends with Dick bursting out of a casino in 1992, accompanied by Steve-O and Skunk, cackling like a drugged-up goose.
    Strengths
    • Surreal atmosphere
    • Intense emotions
    • Exploration of identity and trauma
    Weaknesses
    • Lack of clarity in plot progression
    • Some dialogue could be more impactful

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly engaging and captivating, immersing the audience in a surreal and intense experience. The combination of fantasy elements, dark tones, and emotional turmoil creates a memorable and thought-provoking scene.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of being transported through different time periods and encountering distorted versions of oneself is intriguing and adds depth to the story. The use of surreal elements, such as Warhol-ized environments and demon-hybrid parents, enhances the overall concept.

    Plot: 7

    The plot of the scene focuses on Dick's journey through different time periods and surreal environments. It introduces conflicts and challenges, such as the pursuit of his past selves and witnessing his parents' dysfunctional relationship. However, the plot could benefit from clearer objectives and a stronger sense of progression.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the use of match cuts and smash cuts is a common technique in film, the specific combination of different time periods and locations adds a fresh approach to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is not explicitly mentioned in this scene.


    Character Development

    Characters: 8

    The scene features multiple versions of Dick, each representing different stages of his life and embodying various emotions and struggles. The demon-hybrid parents add complexity to Dick's character and provide insight into his traumatic past. The characters are well-developed and contribute to the overall surreal and intense atmosphere.

    Character Changes: 8

    The scene showcases Dick's evolution and growth as he confronts his past and struggles to escape his traumatic experiences. The encounters with his past selves and witnessing his parents' dysfunction contribute to his character development. However, there could be clearer moments of transformation and realization.

    Internal Goal: 7

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that he is trying to escape or evade something or someone. This reflects his deeper need for freedom, safety, or a fresh start.

    External Goal: 8

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to physically move from one location to another without being caught or stopped. It reflects the immediate circumstances or challenges he is facing, such as being pursued by the police or trying to reach a specific destination.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 7

    The scene contains conflicts on multiple levels, including internal conflicts within Dick, conflicts with his past selves, and conflicts with his demon-hybrid parents. These conflicts create tension and drive the narrative forward, but there could be clearer stakes and higher intensity in some moments.

    Opposition: 8

    The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist is being pursued by the police or facing other challenges in each time period/location. The audience doesn't know how he will overcome these obstacles, adding suspense and tension.

    High Stakes: 7

    The stakes in the scene are moderately high, as Dick confronts his traumatic past, struggles with his identity, and seeks to escape his dysfunctional family. However, there could be clearer consequences and higher stakes to increase the tension and urgency.

    Story Forward: 7

    The scene moves the story forward by providing insights into Dick's past, his psychological struggles, and his desire for escape. It introduces new conflicts and challenges, but the overall progression could be more cohesive and purposeful.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected transitions between different time periods and locations, keeping the audience guessing about the protagonist's next move or situation.

    Philosophical Conflict: 0

    There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 9

    The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, tension, and confusion. The intense and surreal atmosphere, combined with the exploration of traumatic past experiences, creates a powerful emotional impact on the audience. The scene effectively immerses the audience in the protagonist's emotional journey.

    Dialogue: 6

    The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts experienced by the characters. However, there are moments where the dialogue could be more impactful and memorable. The scene relies more on visual and atmospheric elements to create its impact.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it presents a series of visually striking and intense moments that keep the audience hooked. The fast-paced transitions and the protagonist's desperate actions create a sense of suspense and curiosity.

    Pacing: 9

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and intensity. The fast-paced transitions and the protagonist's frantic actions maintain a high level of tension and keep the audience engaged.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and transitions to enhance readability and visual storytelling.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses clear scene headings, concise action lines, and effective transitions to create a cohesive narrative flow.


    Critique
    • The scene starts with a flashback to Dick's childhood home, which adds context to his character and backstory. However, the scene could benefit from more details about the physical appearance of the house and the interactions between Dick and his parents. This would help the audience understand the source of Dick's trauma and motivations.
    • The scene then cuts to Dick's encounter with the past versions of himself at Warhol's Factory. This is a powerful moment that highlights Dick's struggle with his identity and the consequences of his actions. However, the scene could be more impactful if it showed more of the past Dicks' behavior and how it affected Dick's perception of himself.
    • The scene also includes a match cut and a smash cut, which are effective techniques to create tension and surprise. However, the cuts could be more seamless and less abrupt to avoid jarring the audience.
    • The dialogue in the scene is minimal, which adds to the surreal and dreamlike atmosphere. However, the lack of dialogue could also make it difficult for the audience to understand the characters' motivations and emotions.
    • The visual elements in the scene, such as the kaleidoscope of smoke and the erotic Warhol painting, are visually stunning and add to the surreal and dreamlike atmosphere. However, the scene could benefit from more context and explanation about the significance of these elements.
    Suggestions
    • To improve the scene, the writer could add more dialogue and interaction between Dick and his parents in the flashback. This would help the audience understand the source of Dick's trauma and motivations.
    • The writer could also add more details about the past Dicks' behavior and how it affected Dick's perception of himself. This would make the scene more impactful and add depth to Dick's character.
    • To make the cuts less abrupt, the writer could use more gradual transitions, such as a fade-out or a dissolve, to connect the scenes.
    • To provide more context and explanation about the visual elements, the writer could include more dialogue or narration that explains their significance. This would help the audience understand the symbolism and meaning behind these elements.
    • Overall, the scene is visually stunning and emotionally powerful, but it could benefit from more dialogue, interaction, and context to make it more impactful and understandable.



    Scene 37 -  Flashbacks and Preparations
    INT. LUXOR CASINO - CASHIER - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

    SLOW MOTION: Val’s head hits the ground in a pool of blood.
    As her head ricochets up, then heads back toward the floor-

    MATCH CUT TO:


    ON RABBIT EAR T.V. SET - NIGHT (FLASHBACK)

    American Airlines Flight 11 smashes into the North Tower of
    the World Trade Center.


    EXT. TRAILER PARK - CONTINUOUS

    2002 Dick watches the rabbit ear TV with some of his fellow
    militia members on the stoop of a trailer in somber shock.


    EXT. WOODS - DAY (FLASHBACK)

    2002 Dick firing at the Bin Laden targets with his militia
    buddies.


    INT. SURVIVALIST BUNKER - DAY (FLASHBACK)

    2002 Dick waterboards Dick with his knee pressed to his
    chest. Dick writhes in excruciating pain.


    BACK TO PRESENT

    Warhol holds up a Campbell’s Soup can for the past Dicks and
    affects a contrived laugh.

    Dick bites his lip.

    CUT TO:
    101.


    EXT. DICK'S TRAILER - DAY (FLASHBACK)

    2002 Dick addresses a camcorder in the woods, making one of
    his “Mullet Man” videos. He stands by a print of one of the
    Campbell’s Soup lithographs, wielding his trusty AR-15.


    INT. PUBLIC RESTROOM STALL - DAY (FLASHBACK)

    2012 Dick is parked on the toilet on the phone, posting
    frantically on 4chan.


    INT. SERVER FORTRESS - ANYTIME (FLASHBACK)

    The image of 2012 Dick in his top hat and rags is projected
    as a hologram high above his zombie acolytes as he rants,
    raves, and sails across the fortress, riling up the users on
    the curved screen above.


    BACK TO PRESENT

    Dick loads a cartridge into his AR-15 and attaches hand
    grenades to his belt, staging them for combat action.

    CUT TO:
    Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama","Thriller"]

    Summary In this scene, there are multiple flashbacks and shifts in time. It starts with a slow-motion shot of Val's head hitting the ground in a pool of blood, then cuts to a flashback of the 9/11 attack. The scene transitions to 2002, where Dick watches the TV with his fellow militia members in shock. It further shows Dick engaging in various activities with his militia buddies, including firing at Bin Laden targets and waterboarding someone. The scene then jumps to 2012, with Dick posting frantically on 4chan while sitting on a toilet. Finally, it cuts back to the present, where Dick loads his AR-15 and attaches hand grenades to his belt, preparing for combat action.
    Strengths
    • Surreal imagery
    • Intense emotions
    • Engaging plot
    • High stakes
    • Strong emotional impact
    Weaknesses
    • Some characters could be further developed
    • Dialogue could be more impactful

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly engaging and thought-provoking, with its surreal imagery and intense emotions. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats and leaves a lasting impact.


    Story Content

    Concept: 9

    The concept of time travel and the exploration of different time periods adds depth and complexity to the story. It allows for introspection and reflection on the protagonist's past and present.

    Plot: 8

    The plot is intriguing and keeps the audience guessing. The protagonist's journey through different time periods and encounters with various characters create tension and drive the story forward.

    Originality: 9

    This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its unconventional structure and the juxtaposition of different time periods and locations. The use of flashbacks and quick cuts adds a fresh approach to storytelling, while the references to real-world events and the impact of technology on society add authenticity to the scene.


    Character Development

    Characters: 7

    The characters are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene. However, some characters could benefit from further exploration and development.

    Character Changes: 9

    The protagonist undergoes significant character changes throughout the scene. He confronts his past, faces his inner demons, and begins to find a path towards redemption and self-acceptance.

    Internal Goal: 7

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Dick is grappling with his own identity and beliefs. The flashbacks and different time periods suggest a journey of self-discovery and reflection.

    External Goal: 6

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prepare for combat action, as indicated by him loading a cartridge into his AR-15 and attaching hand grenades to his belt.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, creating a sense of urgency and tension. The protagonist's struggle with his past, his encounters with different versions of himself, and the high-stakes situations he finds himself in contribute to the high conflict level.

    Opposition: 6

    The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. While there are hints of conflict and tension, such as Dick's internal struggles and the contrasting time periods and locations, the audience doesn't have a clear sense of what obstacles the protagonist will face or how they will be overcome.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes are high in the scene, both internally for the protagonist's personal growth and externally in the intense and dangerous situations he finds himself in. The outcome of his journey has significant consequences for his future.

    Story Forward: 8

    The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the protagonist's past, his inner struggles, and his journey towards self-discovery. It deepens the audience's understanding of the character and sets the stage for the climax of the story.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because of its non-linear structure and the unexpected juxtaposition of different time periods and locations. The audience doesn't know how the scenes will connect or what revelations they will bring.

    Philosophical Conflict: 8

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Dick's past actions and beliefs, represented by the flashbacks and references to his militia activities, and his present self, represented by his involvement in online platforms and his contrived laugh in response to Warhol's actions.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 10

    The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, ranging from shock and somberness to intense pain and franticness. The emotional impact is heightened by the surreal and intense nature of the events.

    Dialogue: 7

    The dialogue is effective in conveying the emotions and intentions of the characters. However, there are moments where the dialogue could be more impactful and memorable.

    Engagement: 8

    This scene is engaging because of its fragmented structure, quick cuts between different locations and time periods, and the use of flashbacks. These elements create a sense of mystery and intrigue, keeping the audience interested in discovering the connections between the different scenes.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between slow-motion moments and quick cuts, creating a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by using standard screenplay formatting conventions, such as capitalizing character names, using parentheticals for character actions, and indicating transitions with sluglines.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre by using sluglines to indicate locations and time periods, as well as action lines and dialogue to convey the events and interactions between characters.


    Critique
    • The scene starts with a series of quick cuts, which can be disorienting for the viewer. It might be more effective to slow down the pace and allow the audience to fully absorb each image before moving on to the next. This will also give the viewer time to connect the dots between the different time periods and locations.
    • The use of slow motion in the scene where Val's head hits the ground is effective in creating a sense of shock and horror. However, it might be more impactful if the scene was shown in real time, as this would make the violence feel more immediate and visceral.
    • The scene where Dick and his militia buddies are firing at the Bin Laden targets feels a bit repetitive. It might be more interesting to show Dick's motivations for joining the militia and how his beliefs have evolved over time.
    • The scene where Dick is waterboarding Dick is disturbing, but it's not clear why he's doing this to himself. It would be helpful to have some context or explanation for this action.
    • The scene where Dick is making one of his 'Mullet Man' videos feels out of place in the context of the rest of the scene. It might be more effective to show this footage in a separate scene or as a flashback to provide more insight into Dick's character.
    Suggestions
    • To make the scene more cohesive, consider using visual cues or transitions to connect the different time periods and locations. For example, you could use a split screen or a fade to black to show the passage of time.
    • To provide more context for the waterboarding scene, consider showing a flashback to a moment when Dick was tortured or traumatized in some way. This would help the audience understand why he's inflicting this pain on himself.
    • To make the 'Mullet Man' video scene more relevant, consider showing how Dick's beliefs and actions have evolved over time. This could help the audience understand why he's become so radicalized and why he's willing to go to such extreme lengths to achieve his goals.



    Scene 38 -  Explosive Revenge and Artistic Passion
    INT. SERVER FORTRESS - ROCK ISLAND - ANYTIME (FLASHBACK)

    2012 Dick leans in close to Dick’s ear by the wooden stake on
    the rock island.

    2012 DICK
    Remember. You always have a choice.


    BACK TO PRESENT

    Dick marches toward Warhol with total conviction in his eyes.
    The past Dicks part creating a direct path between Dick and
    Warhol.

    Warhol sees Dick marching toward him and gulps in fear.

    Dick pulls the AR-15 to his shoulder and aims at Warhol.

    EXTREME SLOW MOTION

    Time slows way down, and all of the ambient sound fades out
    in favor of a peaceful piano concerto. Dick converts every
    ounce of his creative energy into a sublime act of
    revolutionary ultra-violence.
    102.


    When Dick is within inches of Warhol, he makes a hard pivot
    toward 1972 Dick and shoves the barrel of the AR-15 into his
    stomach. Dick lifts little 1972 Dick in the air by the barrel
    of his rifle, twirling him around while pirouetting like a
    ballerina, then thrusts him with all his might into the blank
    white canvas that surrounds them. 1972 Dick’s body explodes
    into paint in a variety of brilliant, vibrant colors that
    take the form of a kaleidoscopic butterfly on the canvas.

    The other party guests scream, look on in awe, and evacuate
    the Factory.

    Dick turns his artistic wrath to the remaining past Dicks. He
    blasts them away with bullets, grenades, a bayonet, and his
    bare hands in a fluid, gory motion. Their guts, innards,
    heads, and eyeballs are splattered all around the 360 degrees
    of white canvas in blotches of paint, creating a gorgeous,
    expressive, abstract Jackson Pollack-style tableau.

    END EXTREME SLOW MOTION

    The music ends and, the ambient sound fades back in.

    Dick and Warhol stand alone, surrounded by the fragmented
    corpses of the past Dicks and Dick’s 360-degree masterpiece.

    Dick marches toward Warhol. Warhol backs away in fear. Dick
    grabs Warhol by the collar and slams him against the wet
    paint on the canvas. Warhol trembles.

    DICK
    This is my masterpiece to you.

    Dick pulls Warhol in and gives him a kiss charged with the
    passion of eternity, then pulls back for a moment.

    WARHOL
    Wh-Who are you?

    DICK
    I’m everything that’s right about
    you.

    Dick and Warhol’s lips come together again in another deep,
    impassioned kiss, each of them totally surrendering to each
    other.

    As the two halves embrace, Dick’s painting comes to life. The
    shapes and forms on the canvas slither, expand, dance, and
    bleed into each other.

    As the increasingly homogenized colors swirl around Dick and
    Warhol faster and faster, the opaque spirits of DEAD ARTISTS
    emerge from the canvas and join the swirl.
    103.


    SALVADOR DALI, WILLEM DE KOONING, JEAN-MICHEL BASQUIAT, FRIDA
    KAHLO, HELEN FRANKENTHALER, PABLO PICASSO, GEORGIA O’KEEFE,
    MICHELANGELO, and more! The spirits and colors swirl and
    swirl around the two new lovers, becoming brighter and
    brighter until they dissolve into a stable field of pale
    white light.

    Warhol pulls back from their kiss, realizing it’s just them
    in an endless white void. They smile and go in for another
    kiss. As soon as their lips meet...BOOM!!!
    Genres: ["Drama","Action","Fantasy"]

    Summary In this intense and violent scene, Dick confronts Warhol with an AR-15, killing his past selves and creating a colorful painting with their exploding bodies. After passionately kissing Warhol, their embrace brings the painting to life, attracting the spirits of dead artists. The scene concludes with Dick and Warhol kissing in an endless white void, which suddenly explodes.
    Strengths
    • Visually stunning imagery
    • Emotionally charged dialogue
    • Unique combination of art and violence
    • Powerful character transformation
    Weaknesses
    • Possible excessive violence for some viewers

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly impactful and memorable, with its intense and surreal visuals, passionate dialogue, and the transformation of art into a symbol of revolution. The combination of different time periods and the use of violence as a form of artistic expression make it a unique and powerful scene.


    Story Content

    Concept: 9

    The concept of using art and violence as a means of revolution is innovative and thought-provoking. The scene effectively explores the power of creativity and the potential for change through artistic expression.

    Plot: 8

    The plot of the scene revolves around Dick's confrontation with Warhol and his transformation of past versions of himself into art. It is a pivotal moment in the story, showcasing Dick's determination and his desire to make a lasting impact.

    Originality: 9

    The level of originality in this scene is high. The scene presents a unique situation where the protagonist uses violence and artistic expression to confront and intimidate his enemy. The actions and dialogue of the characters feel authentic and unexpected.


    Character Development

    Characters: 8

    The characters in the scene, particularly Dick and Warhol, are well-developed and their motivations and emotions are clearly portrayed. Their interaction and the transformation they undergo add depth to the scene.

    Character Changes: 9

    The scene showcases a significant change in Dick's character as he embraces his artistic and revolutionary side. His transformation from a passive observer to an active participant in the creation of art and change is a pivotal moment in his character arc.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to express his artistic wrath and create a masterpiece. This reflects his desire for creative expression and his need to assert his identity and power.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to confront and intimidate Warhol. This reflects the immediate challenge of asserting dominance and seeking revenge.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The conflict in the scene is intense and violent, both internally and externally. It is a clash between Dick's desire for revolution and Warhol's fear of change. The use of violence as a form of artistic expression adds to the conflict.

    Opposition: 8

    The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist confronts and intimidates his enemy. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will unfold and whether the protagonist will achieve his goals.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes in the scene are high, as Dick's actions have the potential to change the course of history and the art world. The confrontation between Dick and Warhol represents a clash between two opposing forces.

    Story Forward: 8

    The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Dick's confrontation with Warhol and his transformation into an artist and revolutionary. It sets the stage for the final act of the story.

    Unpredictability: 8

    This scene is unpredictable because it combines elements of violence, artistic expression, and unexpected character actions. The audience is unsure of how the confrontation will unfold and what the ultimate outcome will be.

    Philosophical Conflict: 9

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the power of artistic expression and Warhol's fear and lack of understanding. This challenges the protagonist's belief in the transformative power of art and the potential for connection and understanding through creativity.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 10

    The scene evokes strong emotions, ranging from fear and awe to passion and love. The intense visuals, passionate dialogue, and the transformation of art create a deeply emotional experience for the audience.

    Dialogue: 9

    The dialogue in the scene is passionate and impactful. It conveys the emotions and intentions of the characters effectively, especially during the confrontation between Dick and Warhol.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it presents a visually striking and emotionally charged confrontation between the protagonist and his enemy. The use of extreme slow motion, vivid descriptions, and intense dialogue keeps the audience captivated.

    Pacing: 9

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between slow motion and regular speed, creating a sense of tension and anticipation. The rhythm of the scene matches the intensity of the actions and emotions portrayed.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes a clear setting, character actions, dialogue, and a progression of events.


    Critique
    • The scene is overly complex and confusing, with multiple flashbacks and shifts in time that may leave the audience disoriented. It would be more effective to focus on a single time period or a few key moments to create a clearer narrative arc.
    • The dialogue is sparse and lacks depth, with no specific lines mentioned in the summary. It would be beneficial to add more dialogue that reveals the characters' motivations and emotions.
    • The visual elements are striking, but some of them, such as the swirling kaleidoscope of smoke and the erotic Warhol painting, may be too abstract and surreal to fully understand their significance.
    • The conflicts in the scene are not fully resolved, leaving the audience with unanswered questions and a sense of ambiguity.
    • The emotional tone of the scene is intense and chaotic, but it could benefit from more moments of quiet reflection and introspection to balance out the action and violence.
    Suggestions
    • Consider simplifying the narrative structure and focusing on a single time period or a few key moments to create a clearer and more cohesive story.
    • Add more dialogue that reveals the characters' motivations and emotions, and make sure it is grounded in reality and not too abstract or surreal.
    • Clarify the significance of the visual elements, such as the swirling kaleidoscope of smoke and the erotic Warhol painting, by providing more context and explanation.
    • Resolve the conflicts in the scene, either by providing a clear resolution or by leaving them open-ended in a way that feels intentional and meaningful.
    • Balance the intense and chaotic moments with more moments of quiet reflection and introspection to create a more nuanced and emotionally resonant scene.



    Scene 39 -  Explosion of Art and Accusations
    EXT. ABSTRACT ART WORLD - CONTINUOUS

    From a single point in the empty void, an entire universe in
    the blended style of Dick and Warhol’s art explodes into
    existence, like the big bang.

    We proceed with a series of impressionistic vignettes within
    this stylized art universe.


    QUICK CUTS:

    --Dick and Warhol feeding each other food in a picnic basket
    in the Alps with a rainbow behind them.

    --Dick observes as Warhol traces the Campbell’s Soup template
    on a canvas laid out on the floor. Warhol pulls the template
    back and analyzes the print. Dick rolls his eyes and gives
    Warhol a lascivious glance.

    --Dick and Warhol hold hands while walking barefoot on the
    beach at sunset.

    --Dick has Warhol pinned down on the Campbell’s Soup canvas
    as he raw dogs him hard. The force of Dick’s thrusts spills
    several nearby paint cans, adding an exuberant expressionist
    touch to the banal Campbell’s Soup tracing.

    --Dick and Warhol ride a unicorn together through the clouds.


    INT. THE FACTORY - WARHOL’S STUDIO - NIGHT

    Dick and Warhol are back in the LIVE ACTION studio, sitting
    across from each other nude in front of easels, painting each
    other. Dick grins uncontrollably.

    WARHOL
    What?

    Dick giggles a little.
    104.


    WARHOL (CONT'D)
    Dick? What is it?

    DICK
    Nothin’. It’s just, you’re perfect.
    Can’t believe I didn’t see it
    before.

    WARHOL
    No, you are, silly goose.

    The studio begins to rumble like an earthquake. Smoke rises,
    and the lights dim. As it gets darker, Warhol and everything
    in the studio starts to fade into oblivion.

    Dick tries to grab onto Warhol for dear life, but it is no
    use. Warhol vanishes in Dick’s arms.

    DICK
    No!! No!! Please God, no!!!

    The entire room vanishes into a dark, smoky, black void.

    Dick pulls up his underwear and looks all around in dread as
    the rumbling grows stronger.

    From the cloud of smoke, the formidable silhouette of Minos
    emerges. Dick backs away.

    Minos hovers toward Dick.

    MINOS
    You have failed, Mullet Man. You
    have failed us, and you have failed
    yourself.

    DICK
    U-Us?

    An orb of green light expands from the center of Minos’s
    chest, the smoke cloud expands around him, and finally, he
    explodes into a ball of pure light and transforms into the
    three distinct forms of the hippies: Night Rainbow, Steals
    the Farts, and Luna Sea. Night Rainbow wields a crowbar.

    DICK (CONT'D)
    Bring him back. Please?

    The hippies, led by Steals the Farts on his mobility scooter,
    yell, close in on Dick, and pin him to the wall.

    NIGHT RAINBOW
    Time to tune in and drop out,
    motherfucker.
    105.


    Night Rainbow smacks Dick clean across the face with the
    crowbar, knocking him on his back.

    Night Rainbow and Luna Sea wrap an arm under each of Dick’s
    shoulders and drag him away.
    Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Art"]

    Summary In this scene, an entire universe in the blended style of Dick and Warhol's art explodes into existence. Dick and Warhol share intimate moments in the art universe, including feeding each other food in the Alps and walking hand in hand on the beach. They also engage in unconventional activities like Warhol tracing the Campbell's Soup template on a canvas and Dick having sex with Warhol on the Campbell's Soup canvas. The scene transitions to Warhol's studio where they paint each other nude. However, the studio starts to rumble and fade, causing Warhol to vanish in Dick's arms. Minos then appears and accuses Dick of failing, transforming into three hippies who attack and drag Dick away.
    Strengths
    • Visually stunning
    • Emotionally impactful
    • Innovative concept
    • Intense conflict
    Weaknesses
    • Limited character development
    • Minimal dialogue

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly impactful and memorable, with its intense emotions, artistic visuals, and unexpected twists. It effectively combines different genres and tones to create a unique and powerful experience.


    Story Content

    Concept: 9

    The concept of merging art, violence, and surrealism is innovative and thought-provoking. It adds depth and complexity to the scene, elevating it beyond a simple confrontation.

    Plot: 8

    The plot of the scene revolves around Dick's confrontation with Warhol and the subsequent transformation of their art into a living entity. It is engaging and keeps the audience hooked.

    Originality: 9

    This scene demonstrates a high level of originality. The blending of Dick and Warhol's art styles in an abstract art universe is a fresh and unique approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 7

    The characters of Dick and Warhol are well-developed and their relationship is explored through their actions and dialogue. However, the focus is more on the visual and emotional impact of the scene rather than deep character development.

    Character Changes: 8

    Dick undergoes a significant transformation in the scene, from a state of desperation and longing to a moment of realization and acceptance. His actions and emotions change drastically throughout the scene.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to express their admiration and love for Warhol. It reflects their deeper desire for acceptance and validation.

    External Goal: 6

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prevent Warhol from disappearing and to hold onto their relationship. It reflects the immediate challenge of losing someone they care about.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered. It involves the internal struggle of Dick, his confrontation with Warhol, and the supernatural intervention of the hippies. The conflict drives the scene forward and adds tension.

    Opposition: 7

    The opposition in this scene is strong, with the protagonist facing the threat of losing Warhol and the physical confrontation with the hippies. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes in the scene are high, both emotionally and artistically. The characters' lives and identities are at risk, and the outcome of their confrontation has profound implications for their art and existence.

    Story Forward: 7

    The scene moves the story forward by resolving the conflict between Dick and Warhol and introducing the supernatural element of the hippies. It sets the stage for the final climax of the story.

    Unpredictability: 8

    This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden disappearance of Warhol, the emergence of Minos and the hippies, and the unexpected violence towards the protagonist.

    Philosophical Conflict: 7

    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the power of art and creativity, and the hippies' belief in dropping out and rejecting societal norms. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 10

    The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, ranging from shock and dread to yearning and love. The intense visuals and passionate actions create a deeply emotional experience.

    Dialogue: 6

    The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful. It conveys the emotions and desires of the characters effectively, but the visual elements and actions take precedence.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because of its unique and visually striking imagery, the emotional intensity of the protagonist's internal and external goals, and the unexpected turn of events with the appearance of the hippies.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between quick cuts and slower, more intense moments. It creates a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and builds tension.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 8

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

    Structure: 7

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the world, establishes the protagonist's goals, and builds tension and conflict.


    Critique
    • The scene starts with a confusing and abrupt transition from the previous scene, which may confuse the audience. It would be helpful to provide some context or explanation to connect the scenes better.
    • The dialogue in this scene is minimal, which makes it difficult to understand the relationship between Dick and Warhol. It would be beneficial to add some dialogue that reveals more about their dynamic and motivations.
    • The visual elements in this scene are impressive and creative, but they may be overwhelming and distracting for the audience. It would be advisable to balance the visuals with some clear and concise dialogue and action to ground the scene.
    • The conflict in this scene is not clear or resolved. It would be helpful to establish a specific conflict or goal for Dick and Warhol, and show how they overcome it in this scene.
    • The emotional tone of this scene is intense and violent, but it may come across as gratuitous and shocking without any clear purpose or meaning. It would be beneficial to provide some context or symbolism to give the violence and art a deeper significance.
    Suggestions
    • Consider adding some dialogue or narration to explain the context and connection between the scenes.
    • Add some dialogue that reveals more about the relationship between Dick and Warhol, such as their history, feelings, or goals.
    • Balance the visuals with some clear and concise dialogue and action to ground the scene and make it more accessible to the audience.
    • Establish a specific conflict or goal for Dick and Warhol, and show how they overcome it in this scene.
    • Provide some context or symbolism to give the violence and art a deeper significance and meaning.



    Scene 40 -  A Journey to Change Karma
    EXT. RIVER STYX - NIGHT

    Dick’s feet are tied to the back of Steals the Farts’s
    mobility scooter, restraining him as his semi-conscious body
    is dragged down a hill of dead grass toward an eerie
    riverbank. Night Rainbow and Luna Sea hobble alongside Dick.

    Dick’s eyes flicker open, and he looks up at Night Rainbow,
    Luna Sea, and the dark storm clouds above them. A bolt of
    lightning flashes across the sky.

    DICK
    Wh-where are you taking me?

    LUNA SEA
    It’s your time.

    NIGHT RAINBOW
    We keep our promises, brother.

    CUT TO:


    EXT. URBAN CANAL - ON SHORE - DAY (FLASHBACK)

    Night Rainbow slips Chief Raj the coin pouch.


    BACK TO PRESENT

    The scooter picks up speed as it descends the hill toward the
    shore of the River Styx, where the Crazy Horse is anchored,
    piloted by a HOODED FIGURE with his back facing the hippies.
    The murky river is surrounded by rocky bluffs and populated
    with TORMENTED SOULS that scream, flop, and contort in agony.

    CUT TO:


    EXT. U.S. CAPITOL BUILDING - DAY (FLASHBACK)

    Dick and the rioters in the heat of battle at the Capitol.


    BACK TO PRESENT

    The hippies haul Dick into the hull of the Crazy Horse.
    106.


    The hooded figure turns around to face the hippies, revealing
    a familiar face: Chief Raj.

    CUT TO:


    EXT. U.S. CAPITOL BUILDING - STEPS - DAY (FLASHBACK)

    Once again, we witness the Capitol Police firing stun
    grenades into the crowd from the balcony.

    One of the stun grenades goes off near Dick, enveloping him
    and the crowd in a cloud of smoke and piercing white light.

    This time, we stay with Dick in the smoke cloud, where he
    clutches his chest, loses his breath, and grimaces in pain.


    INT. RIVER STYX - ON CRAZY HORSE - NIGHT (BACK TO PRESENT)

    Dick lies on his back in the Crazy Horse. Chief Raj is
    perched behind him, rowing.

    Dick musters the strength to peek over the bow of the Crazy
    Horse, where he discovers the thousands of tormented souls
    reaching up from the waters as the Crazy Horse drifts toward
    the mouth of the river, leading to the infinite horizon of
    ocean between two jagged rock mountains.

    Dick looks back at Chief Raj as he paddles toward
    inevitability. A bolt of lightning flashes, illuminating the
    visible skull beneath Chief Raj’s translucent skin.

    DICK
    Where we goin’?

    CHIEF RAJ
    To your new life, Richard.

    DICK
    New life?

    CHIEF RAJ
    You asked if it was your choices
    that determined your destiny. Now
    you will have the opportunity to
    find out.

    DICK
    How?
    107.


    CHIEF RAJ
    I told you you’d face a choice
    between following in the footsteps
    of your past karma and walking your
    own path.

    DICK
    But, but I didn’t do it...

    CHIEF RAJ
    That’s right. You made your own
    choice. You chose to break from the
    pattern of energy from your past
    life that led you to the altar of
    the sacrificial lamb with violence
    in your heart. In that decisive
    moment, you saw a deeper divinity
    and embraced love. You destroyed
    the false beings within rather than
    destroying your true love. Because
    of this courageous act, you will
    have the opportunity to change your
    karma on a new stage.

    A look of profound recognition washes over Dick’s face.

    DICK
    Chief, are you-I mean, am I-?

    Chief Raj looks back at Dick and gives him a sly grin and
    wink as the lightning illuminates his skull again.
    Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Action"]

    Summary Dick's feet are tied to the back of Steals the Farts's mobility scooter as he is dragged down a hill towards a riverbank. Night Rainbow and Luna Sea are with him. Dick wakes up and questions where they are taking him. The scooter picks up speed and heads towards the River Styx. The Crazy Horse is anchored there, piloted by a hooded figure who is revealed to be Chief Raj. The river is filled with tormented souls. Dick is hauled into the hull of the Crazy Horse. In a flashback, we see Dick at the U.S. Capitol Building during a riot. Back in the present, Dick is lying in the Crazy Horse while Chief Raj rows. Dick sees the tormented souls and questions where they are going. Chief Raj explains that Dick has the opportunity to change his karma and find a new life. Dick realizes the significance of his choices. The scene ends with Dick realizing the opportunity he has to change his karma and find a new life.
    Strengths
    • Engaging and impactful
    • Surreal and visually stunning imagery
    • Emotional depth and exploration of themes
    • Strong character development
    Weaknesses
    • Some moments of dialogue could be further refined

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly engaging and impactful, with its blend of intense action, emotional moments, and surreal imagery. It effectively conveys the protagonist's journey towards redemption and the exploration of deeper themes.


    Story Content

    Concept: 9

    The concept of the scene, which involves a journey through different time periods and dimensions, is innovative and unique. It allows for the exploration of complex themes and the visual representation of the protagonist's inner struggles.

    Plot: 8

    The plot of the scene is well-structured and engaging, with its use of flashbacks, shifts in time, and the protagonist's confrontation with his past selves. It effectively moves the story forward and adds depth to the character's arc.

    Originality: 9

    This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its unique blend of supernatural and real-world elements. The portrayal of the River Styx, tormented souls, and the protagonist's journey towards redemption adds freshness to familiar themes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also contributes to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 8

    The characters in the scene, particularly Dick and Chief Raj, are well-developed and contribute to the emotional impact of the scene. Their interactions and dialogue reveal their motivations and inner conflicts.

    Character Changes: 9

    The protagonist undergoes significant character changes throughout the scene. He confronts his past actions, embraces love over violence, and embarks on a journey towards redemption. These changes are pivotal to the scene's emotional impact and thematic exploration.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand his new life and the choices that led him to this point. It reflects his deeper need for self-discovery, his fear of the unknown, and his desire for redemption.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find out where he is being taken and what his new life entails. It reflects the immediate circumstances of being dragged down the riverbank and the challenges of facing his past karma.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 8

    The scene has a high level of conflict, both internal and external. The protagonist confronts his past selves, faces the consequences of his choices, and is taken on a journey towards redemption. The conflict drives the emotional impact of the scene.

    Opposition: 7

    The opposition in this scene is moderate. The protagonist faces challenges in understanding his new life and reconciling his past actions. The audience is unsure of how his choices will impact his destiny.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes in the scene are high, as the protagonist faces the consequences of his past actions and is taken on a journey towards redemption. The outcome of his choices will determine his new life and destiny.

    Story Forward: 8

    The scene effectively moves the story forward by revealing key aspects of the protagonist's past, his motivations, and his journey towards redemption. It adds depth to the overall narrative and sets up the climax of the story.

    Unpredictability: 8

    This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected supernatural elements, such as the River Styx and tormented souls. The protagonist's journey towards a new life and the philosophical conflicts add further unpredictability.

    Philosophical Conflict: 9

    The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between following the patterns of past karma and choosing to walk one's own path. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about destiny, free will, and the power to change one's fate.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 10

    The scene has a strong emotional impact, with its exploration of regret, acceptance, and personal transformation. The intense action sequences, surreal imagery, and poignant dialogue contribute to the emotional depth of the scene.

    Dialogue: 7

    The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters. It is impactful and adds depth to the scene, but there are moments where it could be further refined for clarity and coherence.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it combines suspense, mystery, and emotional depth. The reader is drawn into the protagonist's journey of self-discovery and is intrigued by the supernatural elements and philosophical conflicts presented.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between present-time events and flashbacks. It builds tension and suspense, keeping the reader engaged and eager to discover the protagonist's fate.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively uses scene headings, action lines, and dialogue to convey the visual and emotional aspects of the scene.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes a combination of present-time events and flashbacks to provide context and build tension.


    Critique
    • The scene is disjointed and lacks a clear narrative arc. It feels more like a series of disconnected vignettes rather than a cohesive storyline. The sudden shifts in time and location are confusing and disorienting for the viewer.
    • The dialogue is sparse and lacks depth. The key pieces of dialogue, such as Dick's exchange with Warhol, feel forced and lack authenticity. The dialogue does not reveal much about the characters or their motivations.
    • The visual elements are striking and surreal, but they are not always clear or coherent. The exploding bodies of Dick's past selves, for example, are visually stunning, but it is unclear why they are exploding or what they represent.
    • The conflicts in the scene are not well defined or resolved. The intense physical altercation between Dick Sr. And Dorothy, and the chase between Dick and the cops in the heating duct, do not have clear consequences or resolutions.
    • The emotional tone of the scene is intense and violent, but it is not always clear why. The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or meaning, and it is unclear what the viewer is supposed to feel or take away from it.
    Suggestions
    • To improve the scene, the writer could consider clarifying the narrative arc and making the shifts in time and location more deliberate and meaningful. This could involve introducing clearer transitions or establishing more explicit connections between the different scenes.
    • The writer could also consider adding more dialogue that reveals the characters' motivations and emotions. This could help to deepen the viewer's understanding of the characters and their relationships.
    • To make the visual elements more coherent, the writer could consider providing more context or explanation for the surreal elements. This could involve introducing more exposition or dialogue that helps to clarify the meaning and significance of the visuals.
    • To make the conflicts more clear and resolved, the writer could consider introducing more explicit consequences or resolutions. This could involve adding more dialogue or action that shows how the conflicts affect the characters and their relationships.
    • To improve the emotional tone of the scene, the writer could consider clarifying the purpose and meaning of the intense and violent elements. This could involve introducing more exposition or dialogue that helps to explain why the violence is occurring and what it represents.



    Scene 41 -  Passage through Portals
    EXT. RIVER STYX - ROCKY BLUFF - CONTINUOUS

    The Crazy Horse drifts past one of the spikey cliffs where
    the Greek Chorus stands on the shore, watching it pass by. MC
    Virgil takes off his fedora and bows his head in reverence.

    CUT TO:


    EXT. U.S. CAPITOL BUILDING - STEPS - DAY (FLASHBACK)

    Dick collapses onto the steps of the Capitol and tumbles
    down, past the legs of indifferent rioters as they continue
    to storm up in the opposite direction, oblivious.


    INT. RIVER STYX - ON CRAZY HORSE - NIGHT (BACK TO PRESENT)

    Dick looks over the bow of the Crazy Horse as it picks up
    speed, accelerating across the water until the water and sky
    wash into a portal of swirling white light.
    108.


    CHIEF RAJ
    Goodbye, Richard. And good luck.
    Until next time...

    All the sound fades to total silence.

    CUT TO:


    EXT. U.S. CAPITOL BUILDING - STEPS - DAY (FLASHBACK)

    Time grinds down to SLOW MOTION as Dick lies on his back
    under the haze of white smoke while the rioters continue to
    struggle all around him.

    Dick exhales his last breath and goes still with his eyes
    open, looking up toward a nearby American flag that seems to
    wave him into the sweet hereafter.


    INT. LIFE PORTAL - ANYTIME (BACK TO PRESENT)

    The swirling white light fades out, and Dick finds himself
    being pushed through a fleshy pink portal surrounded by walls
    of vestibular bulbs.

    In front of Dick, the lips of a vagina open, and the portal
    is flooded with another blinding white light.
    Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

    Summary In this scene, the Crazy Horse drifts past a spikey cliff where the Greek Chorus stands on the shore. MC Virgil shows reverence as the scene cuts to a flashback at the U.S. Capitol Building, where Dick collapses and tumbles past indifferent rioters. Back to the present, Dick looks over the bow of the Crazy Horse as it enters a swirling white light portal. Chief Raj bids farewell to Dick. The scene then cuts back to the Capitol Building flashback, where time slows down and Dick lies under white smoke, exhaling his last breath. Finally, the scene returns to the present, where Dick finds himself being pushed through a fleshy pink portal surrounded by vestibular bulbs, flooded with a blinding white light.
    Strengths
    • Innovative concept
    • Emotional impact
    • Surreal visuals
    Weaknesses
    • Limited character development
    • Minimal dialogue

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly impactful and memorable, with its blend of violence, art, and surreal elements. It effectively conveys themes of revenge, passion, and transformation. The scene's unique and innovative approach sets it apart and leaves a lasting impression.


    Story Content

    Concept: 9

    The concept of blending violence and art to create a surreal and transformative experience is highly original and engaging. It adds depth and complexity to the scene, elevating it beyond a simple act of revenge.

    Plot: 8

    The plot of the scene revolves around Dick confronting Warhol with an AR-15 and engaging in a violent and artistic act of revenge. The scene then transitions to a surreal art universe where various moments between Dick and Warhol are shown. The plot effectively combines violence, art, and surrealism to create a captivating narrative.

    Originality: 8

    This scene demonstrates a level of originality through its imaginative depiction of the afterlife and the use of symbolic elements. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 7

    The characters of Dick and Warhol are central to the scene, with their actions and emotions driving the plot. However, their personalities and development are not extensively explored in this particular scene.

    Character Changes: 8

    Dick undergoes a significant transformation in the scene, from seeking revenge to embracing passion and art. His actions and choices lead to a change in his karma and a realization of the significance of his decisions.

    Internal Goal: 7

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that he is seeking some form of closure or resolution. This reflects his deeper need to find peace or understanding in his current situation.

    External Goal: 6

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to continue his journey on the Crazy Horse and reach his destination. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing, as he is navigating through the River Styx and encountering various obstacles.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external. Dick confronts Warhol with an AR-15, engages in a violent act of revenge, and faces the spirits of dead artists. The conflict drives the narrative and adds tension and excitement.

    Opposition: 6

    The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. While the protagonist faces obstacles and challenges, they are not presented as significant or difficult to overcome.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes are high in the scene, with Dick confronting his past versions, seeking revenge, and facing the spirits of dead artists. The outcome of his actions and choices has significant consequences for his future.

    Story Forward: 8

    The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Dick's journey of revenge, passion, and transformation. It adds depth and complexity to the overall narrative.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements such as the portal of swirling white light and the fleshy pink portal. These elements add a sense of mystery and intrigue to the scene.

    Philosophical Conflict: 0

    There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 10

    The scene evokes strong emotions through its blend of violence, passion, and surrealism. The intense moments of revenge, the passionate embrace between Dick and Warhol, and the explosion in the endless white void create a highly emotional and memorable experience.

    Dialogue: 6

    The dialogue in the scene is minimal, with most of the storytelling happening through visuals and actions. The limited dialogue serves its purpose in conveying the emotions and intentions of the characters.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it presents a visually striking and emotionally charged sequence. The use of silence, slow motion, and vivid descriptions captivate the audience's attention.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of rhythm and tension. The transitions between different locations and time periods are well-timed, keeping the audience engaged.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The use of scene headings, action lines, and dialogue is clear and well-executed.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively transitions between different locations and time periods, creating a cohesive narrative flow.


    Critique
    • The scene starts with a confusing mix of flashbacks and present moments, making it difficult to follow the narrative. It would be more effective to establish a clear timeline and context for the audience.
    • The emotional tone of the scene is intense, but it lacks a clear focus or purpose. It would be more impactful if there was a specific conflict or theme that the scene was exploring.
    • The dialogue in the scene is limited and doesn't provide much insight into the characters' motivations or relationships. It would be more engaging if there were more meaningful conversations between Dick and Warhol.
    • The visual elements of the scene, such as the exploding bodies and the appearance of Minos, are striking but don't seem to serve a clear purpose. It would be more effective if these elements were more closely tied to the narrative and character development.
    • The ending of the scene is abrupt and leaves the audience with unanswered questions. It would be more satisfying if there was a clear resolution or conclusion to the scene.
    Suggestions
    • To improve the scene, I would suggest establishing a clear timeline and context for the audience. This could be done by starting the scene with a brief explanation of what has happened leading up to this point, and then gradually revealing the events of the scene through a series of flashbacks and present moments.
    • To give the scene more focus and purpose, I would suggest introducing a specific conflict or theme that the scene is exploring. This could be something related to Dick's past actions and their consequences, or it could be a larger philosophical or artistic theme that ties into the overall message of the film.
    • To make the dialogue more engaging, I would suggest giving Dick and Warhol more meaningful conversations that reveal their motivations and relationships. This could be done through more dialogue, or through visual cues and actions that convey their emotions and thoughts.
    • To make the visual elements more effective, I would suggest tying them more closely to the narrative and character development. This could be done by showing how Dick's past actions have led to the events of the scene, or by using the visual elements to symbolize larger themes or ideas.
    • To provide a more satisfying ending, I would suggest giving the scene a clear resolution or conclusion. This could be done by showing how Dick's actions in the scene have led to a new understanding or realization, or by providing a sense of closure or resolution to the conflicts introduced in the scene.



    Scene 42 -  A Joyful Birth
    INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - CONTINUOUS


    INFANT POV

    We find ourselves screaming and crying in the hands of an OB-
    GYN in a surgical cap and mask.


    HOSPITAL ROOM

    The Ob-Gyn turns toward the BIRTH MOTHER, who is laid out on
    a hospital bed.

    OB-GYN
    It’s a boy, Mrs. Warhol.

    CUT TO BLACK.


    THE END
    Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

    Summary In this scene, an infant is born and handed to the OB-GYN in a hospital room. The OB-GYN then informs the birth mother that she has given birth to a boy. The emotional tone of the scene is a mix of anticipation, relief, and joy. The scene ends abruptly with a cut to black, indicating the end of the screenplay.
    Strengths
    • Visually stunning
    • Emotionally impactful
    • Innovative concept
    • Strong character arcs
    Weaknesses
    • Minimal dialogue
    • Limited external conflict

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene is highly imaginative and visually stunning, with a strong emotional impact. The blending of art styles and the exploration of karma and transformation make it unique and thought-provoking.


    Story Content

    Concept: 9

    The concept of blending Dick and Warhol's art styles and exploring karma and transformation is innovative and engaging. It adds depth and complexity to the scene.

    Plot: 7

    The plot in this scene is not the main focus, as it serves as a culmination of the previous events. However, it still provides a sense of resolution and closure for the characters.

    Originality: 4

    The level of originality in this scene is relatively low, as it depicts a common setting and situation (a birth in a hospital). However, the authenticity of the actions and the concise writing style contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


    Character Development

    Characters: 8

    The characters in this scene, particularly Dick and Warhol, undergo significant emotional and transformative journeys. Their actions and interactions drive the scene forward and evoke strong emotions.

    Character Changes: 9

    Both Dick and Warhol undergo significant character changes in this scene. They confront their past actions, seek redemption, and embrace transformation. These changes drive the emotional and thematic arcs of the scene.

    Internal Goal: 7

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, as the scene is very short and lacks dialogue. However, it can be inferred that the birth mother's internal goal is to successfully give birth to her child and ensure their well-being.

    External Goal: 6

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to give birth to her child safely.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 6

    The conflict in this scene is primarily internal, as Dick grapples with his past actions and the opportunity for redemption. The external conflict is minimal but still present in the form of the hippies and the tormented souls.

    Opposition: 7

    The opposition in this scene is moderate, as the birth mother faces the challenge of giving birth. The audience is uncertain about the outcome, creating a sense of tension.

    High Stakes: 8

    The stakes in this scene are high, as Dick faces the opportunity for redemption and the consequences of his past actions. The tormented souls and the presence of the hippies add a sense of danger and urgency.

    Story Forward: 7

    While the scene does not introduce new plot elements, it provides resolution and closure for the characters. It moves the story forward by concluding their transformative journeys and setting the stage for future events.

    Unpredictability: 5

    This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of the birth is not explicitly stated. The audience is left wondering about the well-being of the child and the birth mother.

    Philosophical Conflict: 0

    There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 10

    The scene evokes a wide range of emotions, including hope, regret, and awe. The transformative journey of the characters and the surreal visuals create a deeply emotional and memorable experience.

    Dialogue: 6

    The dialogue in this scene is minimal, as the visuals and actions take center stage. However, the few lines of dialogue that are present effectively convey the emotions and intentions of the characters.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it captures a pivotal moment in the story, the birth of a child. The concise and impactful description creates a sense of urgency and emotional intensity.

    Pacing: 9

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and intensity. The concise and impactful descriptions maintain a fast pace.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and transitions.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location description, followed by a brief action, and ends with a transition to black.


    Critique
    • The scene lacks context and backstory, making it difficult for the audience to fully understand the significance of Dick's actions and the events leading up to his death. It would be helpful to provide more information about Dick's past and the reasons behind his violent and artistic act of revenge.
    • The dialogue is minimal and doesn't provide much insight into the characters' motivations or emotions. It would be beneficial to add more dialogue that reveals Dick's thoughts and feelings about his actions and the consequences they may have.
    • The visual elements are intense and artistic, but they may be overwhelming and distract from the emotional impact of the scene. It would be worth considering toning down some of the more extreme visuals and focusing more on the characters' emotions and relationships.
    • The scene ends abruptly with Dick and Warhol kissing in an endless white void, which suddenly explodes. This sudden and unexplained ending leaves the audience with more questions than answers and may leave them feeling unsatisfied.
    • The scene lacks a clear resolution to the conflict between Dick and Warhol. It would be helpful to provide a more definitive conclusion that ties up loose ends and leaves the audience with a sense of closure.
    Suggestions
    • Consider adding a flashback or dream sequence that provides more context about Dick's past and the events leading up to his confrontation with Warhol.
    • Add more dialogue between Dick and Warhol that reveals their motivations and emotions, and helps to build tension and conflict.
    • Consider toning down some of the more extreme visuals and focusing more on the characters' emotions and relationships. This could help to create a more intimate and emotional scene that allows the audience to connect with the characters on a deeper level.
    • Consider providing a more definitive conclusion that ties up loose ends and leaves the audience with a sense of closure. This could help to create a more satisfying and emotionally resonant ending.
    • Consider adding a scene or sequence that explores the consequences of Dick's actions and the impact they have on the world around him. This could help to provide a more complete and satisfying resolution to the story.