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Scene 1 -  Disapproval at Devonte and Dakota's Wedding
EXT. WEDDING VENUE-DAY

DEVONTE, a twinkish handsome feminine dark-skinned male in
his mid 20's, is getting married to DAKOTA, a tall burly
rugged light-skinned biracial male in his early 30's with a
lumbersexual vibe. The wedding venue is elaborately decorated
and both men look good. Devonte's family is behind not
looking pleased. There's not many people on Dakota's family's
side of the aisle.

REVEREND
Do you both promise to love, honor,
cherish, support and nurture one
another til death do you part?

Devonte looks at his family and then back at Dakota.

DEVONTE AND DAKOTA
I do!

REVEREND
It is with the power vested in me that
I now pronounce you both husbands!

Devonte and Dakota kiss. Most of the crowd applauds.
Devonte's family sans his father does not.

INT. RECEPTION VENUE-NIGHT

Devonte and Dakota are sharing their first dance as his
sisters KALINA, a mid 30's sharply dressed Black female and
DEMETRIA an early 30's ghettofabulous Black female, watch
from the sidelines with drinks in hand.

KALINA
I can't believe Devonte married that
scuzzy little white boy!

DEMETRIA
Y'know he always had a thing for
tragic mulattoes. Remember that one
sickly little ginger boy he was
sleeping with?

KALINA
Blake or something right? Whatever
happened to him?

DEMETRIA
No clue.

KALINA
And then there was that rapper, the
one who used to be in a wheelchair!
What was his name?
2.


DEMETRIA
Audrey, I think.

KALINA
Who is this boy anyway? Is he a
Proctor? You know they're obsessed
with keeping the family light!

DEMETRIA
Chile the Proctors ain't got no money!

KALINA
Neither does he, it tracks! I don't
know why Dev couldn't have picked
someone of means! If you're going to
be take pink penis, can it at least be
a wealthy one?

DEMETRIA
He probably be letting that white boy
do all kinds of weird race shit in the
bedroom!

KALINA
It's not gonna last! Two years in and
he'll be calling me to handle the
divorce!

Devonte and Dakota finish dancing and everyone applauds.
Kalina and Demetria half-heartedly clap.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Devonte, a dark-skinned man in his mid 20's, marries Dakota, a light-skinned biracial man in his early 30's, despite the displeasure of Devonte's family. The wedding venue is elaborately decorated, and Devonte and Dakota share their first dance as husband and husband, while Devonte's sisters Kalina and Demetria watch with disapproval. Kalina and Demetria make derogatory comments about Dakota, questioning his background and motives for marrying Devonte. The scene takes place at a wedding venue during the day and at a reception venue at night, and the conflict between Devonte's family and Dakota is not resolved. The tone of the scene is negative, and Devonte and Dakota finish their first dance and receive applause, while Kalina and Demetria half-heartedly clap.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Well-defined characters
  • Exploration of complex themes
Weaknesses
  • Stereotypical characterizations
  • Lack of depth in some family members

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up conflict and tension through dialogue and character interactions, while also providing insight into the characters' personalities and relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a same-sex interracial wedding and the reactions from family members is unique and engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through the wedding ceremony and reception, revealing underlying tensions and conflicts within the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the challenges faced by interracial couples, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their dialogue and actions.

Character Changes: 7

There is potential for character growth and change, particularly in Devonte's relationship with his family and Dakota.

Internal Goal: 8

Devonte's internal goal is to find acceptance and happiness in his marriage despite the disapproval from his family. This reflects his deeper need for love and validation.

External Goal: 7

Devonte's external goal is to have a successful wedding ceremony and reception, showcasing his commitment to Dakota despite the challenges they face.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict between the characters, particularly within Devonte's family dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and drama, but not overwhelming to the point of overshadowing the character dynamics.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Devonte and Dakota as they navigate their wedding day and family dynamics.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships, conflicts, and themes.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in its setup of family disapproval and societal expectations, but the character interactions add layers of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around societal expectations, family pressure, and personal happiness. Devonte's beliefs and values are challenged by his family's disapproval and judgment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions from the audience, including humor, tension, and empathy.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' relationships and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of tension, humor, and emotional depth, keeping the audience invested in the characters' relationships and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional wedding ceremony and reception structure, effectively setting up the conflict and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene begins with a description of the wedding venue and the two grooms, Devonte and Dakota. However, it quickly shifts to the perspective of Devonte's sisters, Kalina and Demetria, who are gossiping about the couple and making disparaging remarks about Dakota.
  • The dialogue between Kalina and Demetria is full of stereotypes and offensive language, which is not only harmful but also takes away from the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and seems to jump around between different topics without much coherence.
  • The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying, leaving the reader with a sense of anticlimax.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a stronger hook that grabs the reader's attention and sets the tone for the rest of the scene.
  • Develop the characters of Kalina and Demetria more fully, giving them more depth and motivation.
  • Tone down the offensive language and stereotypes in the dialogue, and focus on creating a more nuanced and realistic portrayal of the characters.
  • Give the scene a clearer focus and structure, and avoid jumping around between different topics too quickly.
  • End the scene with a stronger emotional impact, leaving the reader with a sense of closure and satisfaction.



Scene 2 -  New Job, New City: A Family's Dilemma
INT. COLORADO KITCHEN-NIGHT

TEN YEARS LATER

Devonte is trying to feed his twin 2-year-old sons PEABO and
BRYSON while his 7-year-old daughter JA'NIAH is too
preoccupied with her tablet.

DEVONTE
Ja'Niah Latrice Eastman, you got one
'mo 'gain for me to tell you wrap it
up with the tablet!

JA'NIAH
Hold on, almost done!

Devonte snatches it from her.

JA'NIAH
Hey!

DEVONTE
You're done now!

JA'NIAH
I almost beat that level!
3.


DEVONTE
Keep it up and that's not the only
thing getting beat.

Dakota enters.

DAKOTA
Sup' kinfolk!

Dakota kisses Devonte.

DAKOTA
You made fried chicken again...

Dakota kisses Devonte again.

DAKOTA
And candied yams...

Dakota kisses him one last time.

DAKOTA
And potato salad! Is this your way of
telling me you're having an affair?

DEVONTE
No, that'd be a much more elaborate
meal.

Ja'Niah runs over to Dakota and hugs him.

JA'NIAH
Papa's being a menace! He's worst than
the Bolsheviks after the deposing of
the Romanovs!

Devonte and Dakota stare at Ja'Niah with confusion.

JA'NIAH
It was a history game.

Ja'Niah rolls her eyes and toys around with her dinner.

DEVONTE
How was work bae?

DAKOTA
Pretty tight, no complaints.

DEVONTE
Nothing new to report?

DAKOTA
Not off the top of my head.

DEVONTE
No updates at all?
4.


Dakota tries to think then gasps.

DAKOTA
Aw shit! Did I forget your birthday
again?

DEVONTE
God you're bad at this! I have news!
[beat] Also, it's August.

Dakota stares at Devonte blankly.

DEVONTE
My birthday is in March.

DAKOTA
I knew that!

DEVONTE
Sure [beat] Guess what happened!

DAKOTA
The kids aren't dead and the house
isn't burned down, so I'm guessing
it's good?

DEVONTE
What have I been talking about for the
past few weeks Dakota?

DAKOTA
I thought we agreed we wouldn't
discuss S-E-X around the kids!

JA'NIAH
I'm spelling Bee champ two years in a
row. Also, play some music or
something.

DEVONTE
Dakota, I got the job!

DAKOTA
Job? What job?

DEVONTE
When I speak, what do you hear? Jazz
music, birds chirping?

DAKOTA
What's the job Devonte?

DEVONTE
I'm the new head writer for 11 Alive
Atlanta!

DAKOTA
The news job? Why didn't you tell me
5.


it was the one that could wipe out all
our credit card debt!

DEVONTE
I assumed you listened when I spoke.

DAKOTA
See what assuming gets you?

Dakota hugs Devonte and kisses him.

DAKOTA
Baby I'm so happy for you!

DEVONTE
Me too! We leave in two weeks!

DAKOTA AND JA'NIAH
What?

JA'NIAH
You didn't say we were moving!

DAKOTA
You said you could work from home!

JA'NIAH
You didn't mention me having to leave
all of my friends!

DAKOTA
I'm two mountains away from climbing
every 49'er in Colorado! How could you
take this away from me?

DEVONTE
I will be making enough money that we
could both buy new friends and
probably a mountain! Besides, we'll
finally be close to family!

DAKOTA
We have family here!

DEVONTE
It's your dad and your gaggle of half-
siblings you never speak to!

JA'NIAH
Don't forget great aunt Lucy with the
lazy eye who always smells like vodka
and mothballs.

DEVONTE
I was trying to forget. We had to buy
a new couch last time she slept over.
6.


DAKOTA
Is there no way you could do a hybrid
type of thing? Like you fly in every
month but mostly work from home?

Ja'Niah steals her tablet back while her parents aren't
looking.

DEVONTE
Why are you so against this?

DAKOTA
Is it insane I'm not game to move our
entire lives halfway across the
country? Why wouldn't you consult me
on this first?

DEVONTE
I've been consulting you all week! But
apparently, whatever roided up white
boys kicking a hockey puck around was
more important!

DAKOTA
Hey! A lot of those guys are half-
Asian!

DEVONTE
Bae, this is a great move for us!
We'll finally have financial
stability! You won't have to work as
hard! We can stop paying for daycare
because my mom will take care of the
kids! This is a good thing!

DAKOTA
Your mom hates me.

DEVONTE
She loves you.

DAKOTA
She called me 'a light bright succubus
leading my son down the road to ruin!'

DEVONTE
She said that to all the guys I've
dated! We're married now, we're three
kids in. She'll cope. My dad likes
you.

DAKOTA
He's always making fun of me!

DEVONTE
He's just cracking on you! Lighten up!
7.


DAKOTA
We played Spades at the wedding
reception and he called me a tragic
mulatto who needed his rank stripped
cause I 'reneged', whatever that is!

DEVONTE
Damn you reneged? I would've called
you worse!

DAKOTA
Your parents hate me. Your siblings
think I'm a square white boy even
though I'm a quarter Black. Your
friends think you married down and
your nephews keep trying to beat me
up!

DEVONTE
Do you fight back?

DAKOTA
Dev, do we have to do this? I like my
life here! So do the kids!

JA'NIAH
Did you know that Atlanta has the
highest concentration of Black wealth
in the country? [gasps] I could marry
into money there!

DEVONTE
You're seven years old.

JA'NIAH
Think ahead! I don't have that many
skills!

Dakota goes to the fridge and pulls out a beer.

DAKOTA
Do they even have solid microbreweries
there?

DEVONTE
I said we're moving to Atlanta, not
Portland. We drink real liquor in the
A! Besides if you do this for me, I'll
do that one roleplay where...

Devonte whispers something in Dakota's ear that gets the
later very excited.

DAKOTA
Even tonight, like right now?

DEVONTE
Yes, if you support me in this.
8.


Dakota starts dragging Devonte out of the room.

DAKOTA
Ja'Niah watch your brothers!

JA'NIAH
Check your messages. I'm sending you a
playlist, a loud playlist.

Dakota and Devonte exit the room giddily.
Genres: ["Comedy","Family Drama"]

Summary Devonte, a father of three, announces his new job as a head writer for 11 Alive Atlanta, which requires the family to move in two weeks. His partner Dakota and daughter Ja'Niah are against moving, leading to a tense argument. The scene takes place in their Colorado kitchen, ten years later from the previous scene. The conflict remains unresolved, but Devonte hopes to convince them with the benefits of financial stability and being close to family.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Witty dialogue
  • Engaging conflict
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive banter
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, funny, and sets up a significant conflict within the family, making the audience curious about what will happen next.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a family facing a major decision and the resulting conflict is well-executed and relatable.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with the revelation of Devonte's new job leading to a conflict between him and Dakota about moving to Atlanta.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through its blend of cultural references, humor, and family dynamics. The characters' interactions feel authentic and fresh, with a mix of playful banter and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and relationships that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no major character changes in this scene, the conflict sets the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Devonte's internal goal is to secure his new job as head writer for 11 Alive Atlanta and gain his partner's support for the move. This reflects his desire for financial stability and career success, as well as his need for validation and understanding from his partner.

External Goal: 7

Devonte's external goal is to convince Dakota to support their move to Atlanta for his new job. This reflects the immediate challenge of uprooting their lives and facing resistance from his partner.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a significant conflict between Devonte and Dakota regarding the decision to move, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and priorities between Devonte and Dakota creating tension and conflict. The audience is left unsure of the outcome, adding suspense and drama to the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The decision to move to Atlanta represents high stakes for the family, impacting their relationships and future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major life change for the characters and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' unexpected reactions and twists in the dialogue. The shifting dynamics and conflicts keep the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the characters' differing values and priorities, with Dakota valuing their current life and community in Colorado, while Devonte prioritizes career advancement and financial stability in Atlanta. This challenges their relationship and communication.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from humor to tension, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals a lot about the characters' relationships and personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of humor, tension, and emotional depth. The witty banter and sharp dialogue keep the audience invested in the characters' relationships and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions. The rhythm and flow of the scene contribute to its overall effectiveness and engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character names, and dialogue formatting. The layout is easy to follow and enhances the readability of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a family drama, with clear character dynamics, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and dialogue flow smoothly, leading to a satisfying conclusion.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with natural dialogue and good pacing, but the conflict could be more impactful.
  • The characters' emotions and reactions are believable, but there is a lack of depth in exploring the underlying issues of the conflict.
  • The scene could benefit from a stronger resolution or a hint at the future impact of the decision to move.
  • The humor and playful banter between the characters are enjoyable, but they might distract from the seriousness of the conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more context or history to the conflict between Dakota and Devonte's family, which could make the disagreement about moving more significant.
  • Explore the characters' emotions and motivations more deeply, especially Dakota's concerns about moving and leaving her life behind.
  • Introduce a more definitive resolution or a hint at the future consequences of the decision to move, which could create tension and anticipation for the following scenes.
  • Consider toning down the humor and playful banter in some parts of the scene to emphasize the seriousness of the conflict and the characters' emotions.



Scene 3 -  Intimate Conversation on Race and Identity
INT. COLORADO MASTER BEDROOM-NIGHT

Dakota and Devonte are in the middle of sex. Devonte is
biting and scratching all over Dakota as the burly man pounds
the femboy with all he's got.

DEVONTE
Fuck my tight Black pussy daddy!

DAKOTA
Are you ready for master's superior
white seed?

DEVONTE
Bleach me sir!

DAKOTA
Shit! I'm gonna...I'm gonna--

Dakota and Devonte moan in unison as they both climax and
then fall next to each other. They breathe heavily while
staring at the ceiling as they calm down.

DAKOTA
The things you can do once properly
motivated!

DEVONTE
You bring out the wild side in me!

Devonte kisses Dakota and cuddles up next to him.

DAKOTA
Can you channel that energy into a
sandwich or some fried eggs?

DEVONTE
Do I look like your maid whore?

DEVONTE
The bite marks on my neck confirm the
whore part.

Devonte turns to face Dakota.

DEVONTE
I really want you to be excited for
9.


this move--

Dakota is about to respond.

DEVONTE
When I have clothes on!

DAKOTA
Why is this so important to you?

DEVONTE
I want the kids to be surrounded by
Blackness more.

DAKOTA
What are you talking about? There's
Black people in Denver!

DEVONTE
Bae, there's a few specks of black in
a sea of snow. I want the kids to have
a firm sense of their culture, their
history, where they come from--

DAKOTA
Why's that even matter?

DEVONTE
Because I don't want my boys to look
like Bryshawns and act like Brodys!

DAKOTA
That's so old school! What year are
you in, 1963?

DEVONTE
I know it's not important to you
because your mom was never in touch
with her Black side but--

DAKOTA
She was plenty in touch! We watched
some episodes of Martin! We went to a
Stevie Wonder concert one time! She
even made collard greens--wait no,
that was kale...

DEVONTE
Was there in any pigs feet or neck
bones in there?

DAKOTA
Why would you put meat in perfectly
good kale?

DEVONTE
My point is that since moving here
I've felt so isolated.
10.


DAKOTA
You've been here ten years and you
still haven't gotten used to it?

DEVONTE
The only reason I'm here is because
you were. You don't know what it's
like being the only Black face in a
crowd of judgmental white ones!

DAKOTA
I'm Black too Dev.

DEVONTE
But you don't look it. Your identity
depends on where you are. You can be
Jewish, Puerto Rican, Greek, Mexican
or they want you to be. I'm Black
wherever I go. I'm proud of being
Black but I'm tired of feeling like I
moved to an entirely separate country!

DAKOTA
Just because I'm light don't mean I
don't get it!

DEVONTE
Don't you ever wish you had a firmer
hold of your Black side?

DAKOTA
I'm Black so whatever I like is Black!
It's not that complicated!

DEVONTE
First off, you're toasted almond at
best.

DAKOTA
A toasted almond who smashed that ass!

DEVONTE
I didn't say I was complaining.
Secondly, if I died what would happen
to the kids? Who would shape them in
strong Black men and women?

DAKOTA
We'd be more zeroed in on you being
dead.

DEVONTE
Bae...

Dakota sits up and starts putting his robe on.

DAKOTA
I don't know! None of this stuff ever
11.


occurred to me cause it never
mattered!

DEVONTE
It matters to me, it matters to the
kids! Ja'Niah has been coming home
crying this whole week because another
girl keeps messing with her hair!

DAKOTA
Another girl? There's been others?

DEVONTE
Yes, but she doesn't like talking to
you about it.

DAKOTA
Why?

DEVONTE
Because she says 'daddy's white, he
won't get it'.

Dakota walks over to his mini-fridge and pulls out a beer and
sits back down. The weight of Devonte's words weighing on him
the whole time.

DAKOTA
She doesn't think I would understand?

DEVONTE
Why would she?

Dakota takes a big sip and then sighs.

DAKOTA
I'm in.

Devonte leaps onto Dakota and hugs.

DEVONTE
You won't regret this! I'll be making
so much money we could afford for you
to stay home with the kids!

DAKOTA
Stay at home? Like a househusband? My
father wouldn't never let me hear the
end of it!

DEVONTE
Luckily, he'll be here in Denver and
you'll be in Atlanta making sure my
dinner is warm when I get home!

DAKOTA
You want me to wear a little apron
too?
12.


Devonte starts kissing on Dakota's neck.

DEVONTE
Maybe a French maid costume!

DAKOTA
Even better: just the apron and the
stockings!

Devonte straddles Dakota.

DEVONTE
Keep the heels on!

Dakota flips Devonte over and starts kissing him back.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Erotic"]

Summary In the master bedroom of their Colorado home, Dakota and Devonte, a light-skinned and dark-skinned Black man respectively, share an intimate moment that leads to a conversation about their children's connection to their Black culture. The conversation becomes emotional as Dakota expresses his disconnection from the issue, leading to a disagreement. However, Dakota ultimately agrees to support Devonte's plans for their family's future, signaling a resolution to their conflict.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Provocative dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Controversial content
  • Stereotypical portrayals

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, emotionally charged, and thought-provoking. It effectively conveys the inner conflicts and desires of the characters while addressing important social issues.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring race, identity, and cultural heritage within the context of an interracial relationship is compelling and relevant. It adds depth and complexity to the characters and their interactions.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the characters' discussion about their move to Atlanta and the challenges they face as a biracial couple. It sets up potential conflicts and character development for future scenes.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and original take on the themes of race, identity, and relationships, with authentic and relatable character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their conflicting perspectives on race and identity create tension and emotional depth. Their dialogue reveals their vulnerabilities, desires, and fears.

Character Changes: 7

Both characters experience a shift in their perspectives and priorities during the scene. Devonte's desire to reconnect with his Black heritage and Dakota's willingness to understand and support him mark significant character changes.

Internal Goal: 8

Devonte's internal goal is to feel a sense of belonging and connection to his Black identity in a predominantly white environment. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and cultural pride.

External Goal: 7

Devonte's external goal is to convince Dakota to move to a more diverse area to provide a better cultural environment for their children. This reflects the immediate challenge of addressing their differing perspectives on race and identity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts related to race, identity, and cultural differences. The characters' conflicting views create tension and drama, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotions between the characters creating tension and drama.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the characters' relationships, identities, and cultural heritage. The decisions they make and the conflicts they face have long-lasting consequences for their family and future.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key conflicts, character dynamics, and thematic elements. It sets the stage for future developments and resolutions in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its character interactions and revelations, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on race, identity, and cultural heritage. Devonte values a strong connection to his Black culture, while Dakota is more relaxed and fluid in his identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through its intimate and provocative dialogue. The characters' struggles with their identities and cultural heritage resonate with the audience, creating a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and emotionally charged. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities, conflicts, and motivations while exploring complex themes.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its dynamic dialogue, humor, and exploration of complex themes, keeping the audience invested in the characters' emotions and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, contributing to its overall effectiveness in conveying the characters' conflicts and emotions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the characters' emotions and conflicts, fitting the genre of drama.


Critique
  • The dialogue is repetitive and unoriginal.
  • The characters are one-dimensional and stereotypical.
  • The scene lacks conflict and tension.
  • The setting is not described in detail.
  • The pacing is slow and the scene drags on.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Develop the characters more by giving them complex motivations and backstories.
  • Add conflict and tension to the scene by having the characters disagree or clash with each other.
  • Describe the setting in more detail to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
  • Tighten the pacing by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and action.



Scene 4 -  A Tense Family Gathering: Dakota Feels Like an Outsider
EXT. EASTMAN HOME-DAY

The Eastman family is pulling up to their new home. It's a
very large mansion. Once they exit the car, Dakota and
Ja'Niah are in awe.

DEVONTE
Welcome to our new home!

JA'NIAH
We live in a mansion now?

DEVONTE
It's not a castle sweetie, it's a Neo-
Renaissance style mansionette!

DAKOTA
I'm with the kid. Any moment, Alfred's
gonna pop out and lead us to the
Batcave!

INT. EASTMAN LIVING ROOM-DAY

Large men are moving the family's furniture into the house.
It's a very spacious and opulent house. Dakota, Devonte and
the kids enter.

DAKOTA
Holy shit! How can we afford this?

DEVONTE
Bae, I told you I make enough money
now that we can live large!

DAKOTA
We're renting this rent? Please tell
me you didn't buy this!

DEVONTE
Would you relax? I know what I'm
doing!
13.


JA'NIAH
Can I go outside to explore?

DEVONTE
Go ahead.

Ja'Niah runs outside.

JA'NIAH V/O
THERE'S A POOL!

The sound of something splashing is heard.

DAKOTA
When you said you found 'a quaint
little cottage' I was envisioning
something more log cabiny!

DEVONTE
Honey my name's not Uncle Tom!
Besides, this is quaint!

DAKOTA
If you're Bill Gates!

DEVONTE
It's within our budget! Could you try
to be excited please?

The sound of two people arguing is coming from outside.

DAKOTA
Is the TV on? Why do I hear an old
couple yelling?

DEVONTE
It's my parents!

LATRICE, a full figured elegant early 70's Black woman and
JEROME, a tall solemn mid 70's Black male with a military
build, enter the house. Latrice is holding a cake dish.

LATRICE
I told you I don't have it you
jackass!

JEROME
Then where the hell is it woman?

LATRICE
I don't know and I don't care!

Latrice turns to Devonte.

LATRICE
There's my baby!

Latrice and Devonte hug.
14.


DEVONTE
Hey Mama! What are you and daddy
arguing about?

JEROME
Your mother hid the key to the liquor
cabinet!

LATRICE
I did not hide it! You can't find it
and that's cause you spend half your
days inside a bottle of Hennessy! Ever
since you retired, you've become a
lush!

JEROME
I gave 40 years of my life to this
country! If I wanna relax with a glass
of cognac while watching Bridge on the
River Kwai, that's my business!

LATRICE
Ugh you're impossible!

Latrice turns back to Devonte.

LATRICE
I brought you a cake, it's a lemon
sour cream double pound cake!

DEVONTE
That's the cake you made when I left
for college!

LATRICE
And now you're finally back!

Latrice eyes the twins.

LATRICE
There's my grandbabies!

Latrice and Devonte walk over to the twins while Dakota
approaches Jerome. His body language becomes very formal and
military-like.

DAKOTA
Morning General.

JEROME
At ease.

Dakota releases.

DAKOTA
I see you're enjoying your retirement
sir.
15.


JEROME
I'd enjoy it a lot more if I could
retire the marriage.

Dakota and Jerome share a laugh.

LATRICE
Say the word Jerome.

JEROME
Are you still in the reserves?

DAKOTA
Yes sir.

JEROME
You should come over to the house when
the other generals are over. We could
use a forth at Spades. But you pull
that shit you did at the wedding and
I'll have you dishonorably discharged!

DEVONTE
Dad...

JEROME
Just a little military humor son!

Jerome slaps Dakota on the back which turns into him slyly
caressing his muscles.

JEROME
Staying in shape I see!

DAKOTA
I try Sir. I work out two times a day,
eat clean and go mountain climbing
every weekend!

JEROME
A true outdoorsman, are you? Perhaps I
should take you out on the trail
myself, just the two of us.

Dakota briefly looks at Devonte in disbelief.

DAKOTA
I'd love that Sir! Whenever you're
down, I am!

JEROME
I'd love to go down on you any day!

Latrice rolls her eyes as Devonte looks confused.

DEVONTE
Dad stop using slang you don't
understand!
16.


Latrice's expression says this isn't the first time. Ja'Niah
enters while drying herself off.

JA'NIAH
Nana!

Ja'Niah jumps into Latrice's arms.

LATRICE
How's Nana's baby girl doing?

JA'NIAH
Tired! Daddy made us drive here!

LATRICE
You drove all the way from Denver to
Atlanta?

DAKOTA
It's two much hassle flying with the
twins. But we made a fun time out of
it, didn't we Ja'Niah?

JA'NIAH
We played 'Name That Tune' for three
hours!

DAKOTA
It was fun!

JA'NIAH
No one but you listens to alt rock!
I'm seven years old! I shouldn't even
know what that is!

DAKOTA
Speaking of which, I've got some beer
left in the car if you want some
General.

JEROME
Why didn't you lead with that? Let's
go!

LATRICE
You drank while driving?

DEVONTE
He drank while I was driving. My leg
got a hell of a massage from Tennessee
to Georgia.

Dakota and Jerome head for the door but are cut off by
Kalina.

KALINA
Oh look, it's my brother's little
buttermilk colored boyfriend!
17.


DAKOTA
Buttermilk colored husband!

KALINA
Don't remind me.

Kalina greets her brother and the kids. Jerome exits outside.

JA'NIAH
Aunt Kay, last year for Career Day I
said I wanted to be a lawyer just like
you!

KALINA
Aw how sweet! Prosecution, Defense,
Real Estate, Entertainment or--

JA'NIAH
Divorce! I've already been practicing
[lawyer voice] Your Honor, my client
is claiming alienation due to her
husband having an affair with a 19-
year-old exotic male escort!

KALINA
Atta girl! Bleed 'em dry!

DAKOTA
Maybe not encourage our daughter to
become a ruthless bloodsucker?

KALINA
Ruthless bloodsucker is on my business
card.

Kalina clicks her key fob.

KALINA
Sorry, needed to lock my new Ashton
Martin.

DEVONTE
I see business is good!

KALINA
Business is very good! I just got done
handling Senator Randolph's divorce
from his third wife. Get this: he
caught her sleeping with his son!

LATRICE
Have you seen the son? I can't blame
her!

KALINA
I'm seeing him with this week. His
divorce was finalized Friday.
18.


DAKOTA
You date your clients? Isn't that a
violation of your oath?

KALINA
I'm a lawyer, not a shrink.

Kalina lights a cigarette.

DEVONTE
Outside Kalina. You may like sounding
like you're possessed by the spirit of
Isabel Sanford, but we'd like the
kids' lungs to stay intact!

KALINA
Fine.

Kalina exits outside. Devonte's brother JAQUAN, a tall
solidly built but intimidating early 40's Black male, enters
the house. He's dressed in his police uniform.

JA'NIAH
Uncle Quan!

Ja'Niah runs over to him and leaps into his arms.

JAQUAN
How's my little delinquent?

JA'NIAH
I'm good. Did you bust any drug rings
or arrest any mob bosses today?

JAQUAN
Not yet but the day is young!

JaQuan crosses to Devonte and they hug.

JAQUAN
Good to have you back little bro!

DEVONTE
It's good to be back! We're all so
excited, especially Dakota!

DAKOTA
Yeah, I'm stoked.

JaQuan zeroes in on the twins.

JAQUAN
The boys look healthy. How've you been
compensating for the lack of bosoms?

DAKOTA
Same way I have all my life.
19.


JaQuan looks at Dakota deadpan.

DAKOTA
We've been buying breast milk.

LATRICE
You should do what we did, give 'em
grits bottles!

DAKOTA
Grits bottles?

LATRICE
Yes! I used to cook up a pot of grits
then toss in some milk, butter and
sugar then give it to the kids!
Instead of baby food, I gave 'em
creamed collard greens and sweet
potato pie filling!

DEVONTE
This is why we are all pre-diabetic by
age 4.

JaQuan turns to Dakota.

JAQUAN
How have you been disciplining the
boys?

DAKOTA
They're two years old!

JAQUAN
It's never too late to instill a
fearful respect into a child! That's
the problem with young Black men
today, no proper home training! You
should see how these kids talk to law
enforcement! No respect, no self-
preservation! I'm nice but these white
boys with a badge? All they need is a
reason to put a bullet in a young
Black man's brain!

DAKOTA
And your solution to this is beating
them senseless before they can form
coherent sentences?

JAQUAN
I'd rather it be me doing it than a
police officer! [beat] Another police
officer!

LATRICE
That's how I raised my kids! You gotta
get to 'em before the white man does!
20.


But then again, we were always on the
road so--

DAKOTA
On the road? Like moving from base to
base?

LATRICE
The kids use to come with me on tour.

DAKOTA
On tour?

DEVONTE
JaQuan would you mind taking the twins
upstairs for a nap?

JAQUAN
Of course not! It'll give me time to
instill some ethics into them!

JaQuan picks up the twins and starts going upstairs.

JAQUAN
Once upon a time, there was a little
boy who was jaywalking...

JaQuan exits upstairs.

DAKOTA
What did you mean 'on tour' Latrice?

DEVONTE
She misspoke, it's not important!

Demetria enters like she's the Kool-Aid Man.

DEMETRIA
Hey bitch!

Demetria and Devonte run to each other and hug.

DEMETRIA
You look good chile! You been using
that leave-in conditioner I gave you,
didn't you?

DEVONTE
Girl this stuff is like crack! Look
how long Ja'Niah's hair has gotten!

DEMETRIA
Chile why her hair ain't been did?

LATRICE
I've been thinking the same thing.
21.


JA'NIAH
Cause daddy's been the one in charge
of things lately.

LATRICE
Devonte didn't I teach you better than
to let your child walk out the house
looking like an extra for Roots?

DAKOTA
She was referring to me.

DEMETRIA
She calls you daddy?

DAKOTA
Why do you expect her to call me,
massa?

Demetria gets up in Dakota's face.

DEMETRIA
Why your color redacted ass have to go
to that?

Dakota pushes her back.

DAKOTA
First off, I'm not white! Secondly,
forgive me for not knowing how to
treat hair so coarse it peeled off a
layer of my skin!

DEMETRIA
Are you calling my niece a nappy
headed hoe?

DAKOTA
Are you high?

Demetria and Dakota start shouting over one another.

DEVONTE
Ja'Niah go play outside!

JA'NIAH
But I wanna watch!

DEVONTE
I'll update you in the group text
later, just go!

Ja'Niah reluctantly exits. Devonte gets between Demetria and
Dakota right as Demetria goes for a swing. He catches her
fist.

DEVONTE
Demetria before you catch another
22.


assault charge, I suggest you simmer
down!

DEMETRIA
Fine!

Demetria backs off.

DEVONTE
Dakota, apologize.

DAKOTA
WHAT?

DEVONTE
Be a man, keep the peace. Apologize.

DAKOTA
I'm sorry you have a problem with how
I raise my kids!

DEMETRIA
Yo I'm 'bout to bust this white boy's
dome in bruh!

Kalina reenters.

KALINA
Do it. I have connections. You'll
walk.

JaQuan comes downstairs.

JAQUAN
Don't bother, they won't find a body.

The three siblings slowly close in on Dakota like sharks,
even worse like vultures waiting for him to die.

KALINA
Couldn't even find a rich white boy,
he had to go for trailer trash!

DEMETRIA
Granddaddy was probably some self-
hating nignog who knocked up the first
slack jawed Becky he could find!

JAQUAN
And look at where his gene pool ended
up: some chromosome lacking fetal
alcohol syndrome looking hunchbacked
pathetic poverty-stricken white boy!

Dakota looks genuinely hurt by their words and tears well up
in his eyes.
23.


LATRICE
Kids that's enough!

Latrice moves Dakota out of the line of fire.

LATRICE
I'm sure you'll figure out Ja'Niah's
hair before the garden party!

DAKOTA
What party?

DEVONTE
This is the first I'm hearing of it
too.

LATRICE
LaDarius and La'Shonda are throwing a
little get together in honor of the
prodigal son returning home!

DEVONTE
Is it true they bought grandma's
country cottage?

DAKOTA
Country cottage?

LATRICE
Yes, but they've made some slight
renovations.

DEVONTE
Gosh I haven't seen that place since
my Sweet 16. Do they still have
grandma's stable?

DAKOTA
Stable? You had horses?

Dakota steps and observes Devonte and his family in absolute
shock. In his face, you can see him putting together the
pieces!

DEVONTE
Technically, they were Mom Bea's. But
Cornbread took to me so well he felt
like mine!

KALINA
Remember the time we snuck Doo-Rag
into the garage to scare Pop-Pop?

DEMETRIA
It's a good thing he had more than one
Mercedes chile! I ain't never seen a
grown man poop that much on an empty
stomach!
24.


KALINA
Mother did you manage to get De'Andre
to cater or are we going to have to
settle for Wolfgang Puck again?

LATRICE
Actually, they thought it would be
cute if it was more like a cookout and
everybody brought something!

DEVONTE
How quaint! We'll be there!

Jerome reenters.

JEROME
Lattie we gotta go! The boy ran outta
booze!

LATRICE
I'll fill you in on the details later!

Latrice kisses Devonte goodbye. She turns and bumps into
Dakota and they share a very awkward hug. She exits and
JaQuan follows behind her while giving Dakota a dirty look.

KALINA
I should be going too. I need to see
if the dress I wore to the Met Gala
could be revamped for the party.

DEMETRIA
Wanna do lunch? I have some time
before I need to be on set.

KALINA
You're on.

Kalina and Demetria kiss Devonte goodbye and walk right past
Dakota and exit. Jerome slaps Dakota on the back which turns
into rubbing his shoulders.

JEROME
Good seeing you again!

DAKOTA
Really sir?

JEROME
You're one of the few normal people
left in this family!

Jerome hugs Devonte and exits.

DEVONTE
See bae? You're making progress!

Devonte wraps his arms around Dakota.
25.


DEVONTE
So, what are you making for the party?

Dakota looks at Devonte incredulously.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary The Eastman family moves into their new Neo-Renaissance mansion and hosts a family gathering. While Devonte's parents, Latrice and Jerome, bond with Dakota over beer and military humor, tensions rise between Dakota and Devonte's siblings, particularly Demetria. The scene is tense and uncomfortable, with Demetria making aggressive comments about Dakota's race and parenting skills. Dakota feels hurt and excluded as the scene ends with Devonte's family leaving.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • Humorous yet tense interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some characters may come across as stereotypical

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines drama and comedy, creating a compelling and engaging interaction among the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a family reunion with various family members interacting and revealing their personalities is well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the family reunion and the tensions and humor that arise from the interactions, providing depth to the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to family dynamics, humor, and cultural references. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and unique, adding depth and complexity to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own distinct personalities and dynamics, adding richness to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions hint at potential growth and development for the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complexities of his relationship with his partner's family and to find his place within their affluent lifestyle. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance, understanding, and belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to attend a family party and contribute in some way, showcasing his ability to fit in and be a part of the family. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances of social expectations and interactions within the family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict, both humorous and tense, between the characters, driving the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with conflicts arising from different characters' values, beliefs, and perspectives. The protagonist faces challenges in navigating the family dynamics and social expectations, adding depth and complexity to the story.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are not extremely high in this scene, but the conflicts and tensions among the characters add depth to the family dynamics.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflicts, relationships, and dynamics that will likely impact future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in dialogue, character interactions, and revelations about the family dynamics. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflicts will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between different values and perspectives within the family. There is tension between traditional and modern beliefs, as well as issues of race, class, and family dynamics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to tension, engaging the audience in the family dynamics.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the relationships and conflicts between the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its lively dialogue, dynamic characters, and humorous interactions. The conflicts and tensions within the family create intrigue and keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing character dynamics, and setting up conflicts. The rhythm of the dialogue and interactions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines are clear and concise.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions, character introductions, and dialogue-driven interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is overly long and could benefit from being broken up into multiple scenes to improve pacing and clarity.
  • There are a lot of characters introduced in this scene, which can be confusing for the reader. Consider introducing them gradually throughout the script.
  • The dialogue is often unnatural and stilted, which can make it difficult for the reader to connect with the characters. Aim for more natural, conversational dialogue.
  • There are several instances of exposition that feel forced and unnatural. Consider finding more organic ways to convey this information to the reader.
  • The scene contains a lot of conflict, but it is not always clear what is driving this conflict or how it is being resolved.
  • The scene contains several jokes and humorous moments, but they do not always land effectively and can feel forced.
Suggestions
  • Break the scene up into multiple shorter scenes to improve pacing and clarity.
  • Introduce characters gradually throughout the script to avoid overwhelming the reader.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational.
  • Find more organic ways to convey exposition to the reader.
  • Clearly establish the source of conflict in the scene and how it is being resolved.
  • Revise jokes and humorous moments to ensure they land effectively and feel natural.



Scene 5 -  Confrontation over Family Wealth
INT. EASTMAN MASTER BEDROOM-NIGHT

Dakota is doing some research on his computer. Devonte enters
still dressed in his suit for work. He kisses Dakota.

DEVONTE
Hey sexy, sorry I'm late.

DAKOTA
It's fine. How was work?

Devonte begins getting out of the suit and into his
sleepwear.

DEVONTE
Hectic! We've gotta produce this
special on homeless youth in the city
and we've got a week before it airs!

DAKOTA
Sounds stressful.

DEVONTE
It is. What's for dinner?

DAKOTA
I attempted to make oxtails.

DEVONTE
Are they edible this time?

DAKOTA
Close enough.

There's a long silence.

DAKOTA
Why didn't you tell me your family is
rich?

Devonte freezes as he tries to think. He attempts to play it
off casually, accented by a scoff.

DEVONTE
We're not rich!

DAKOTA
Your mother is Latrice King: The
Godmother of Modern Gospel, according
to Blackepedia. It also says your
grandfather was the latest in a
political dynasty ending up with
becoming the first Black senator from
26.


Georgia since the 1800's. Your
grandmother was an heiress to a real
estate empire. In fact, they own most
of the town we live in which explains
how you could afford the house.

DEVONTE
My dad's side isn't rich.

DAKOTA
I knew he was a general in the Army,
but I didn't know he was our Secretary
of Foreign Affairs!

DEVONTE
That was for like a minute while the
Obama Administration was in
transition.

DAKOTA
His family owns most of the sugar cane
fields in Trinidad!

DEVONTE
That's a side project, their main
money is in oil!

Devonte winces realizing he shouldn't have said that. Dakota
closes his laptop and crosses to Devonte.

DAKOTA
Dev all this time we've been stressed
about money and your family is
literally one of the most established
old money Black families in the
country! I didn't even know there was
such a thing as old money Black
families!

DEVONTE
There's more than you'd think. There's
a lot of new money Black trash too!

Devonte shudders as he exits into the bathroom. Dakota
follows him.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Family"]

Summary Dakota and Devonte are in their bedroom when Devonte, still in his work suit, enters and changes into his sleepwear. They kiss, and Devonte shares his hectic day at work. The conversation turns to dinner, but tensions arise when Dakota confronts Devonte about his family's wealth, revealing that his mother is a famous gospel singer and his grandparents were a political dynasty. Devonte tries to downplay their wealth, but Dakota challenges him with more facts. The conflict escalates, and Devonte winces and exits to the bathroom, with Dakota following him. The scene ends with uncertainty as the conflict remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of drama and humor
  • Revealing family secrets adds depth to the story
  • Engaging dialogue that conveys emotions and information
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come off as too casual given the seriousness of the revelations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines drama, humor, and informative elements to engage the audience and advance the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of unveiling hidden family wealth and history adds depth to the story and characters, making it intriguing and thought-provoking.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters' relationships are tested by the revelation of family secrets, setting up potential conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of wealth, privilege, and identity within the African American community. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the family revelations showcase their personalities and values, adding layers to their development.

Character Changes: 6

The characters' perceptions and relationships are subtly altered by the revelation of family secrets, hinting at potential changes in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal in this scene is to understand and come to terms with Devonte's family background and the implications it has on their relationship and life together. This reflects Dakota's need for honesty, trust, and stability in their relationship.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to have a conversation with Devonte about his family's wealth and background. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the implications of this new information on their relationship and future together.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict arises from the tension between the characters' differing perceptions of wealth and identity, setting the stage for potential conflicts in the future.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the revelation of Devonte's family background creating a difficult obstacle for the characters to navigate and overcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are raised as the characters grapple with the implications of their newfound knowledge about their family's wealth and history.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important family secrets that impact the characters' relationships and future decisions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation of Devonte's family background and the implications it has on the characters' relationship and future.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between old money and new money Black families, as well as the complexities of wealth, privilege, and identity within the African American community. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about social status, family dynamics, and personal values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits mixed emotions from the characters and audience, creating a sense of intrigue and curiosity.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, humor, and information, enhancing the scene's impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension, emotion, and authenticity in the characters' interactions and revelations. The audience is drawn into the conflict and dynamics between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, emotion, and authenticity in the characters' interactions and revelations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character interactions, dialogue, and revelations that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The dialogue feels stilted and unnatural. The characters speak in a way that people don't typically speak in real life.
  • The scene lacks conflict or tension. There's no real obstacle that the characters need to overcome.
  • The exposition is clunky and info-dumpy. The characters talk about their family's wealth in a way that feels forced and unnatural.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot or develop the characters. It feels like a filler scene that could be cut without losing anything important.
  • The scene ends abruptly and unsatisfactorily. The characters just walk off into the bathroom without resolving the issue of Devonte's family's wealth.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Add some conflict or tension to the scene. Maybe Dakota could be angry that Devonte didn't tell him about his family's wealth sooner.
  • Find a more subtle way to reveal Devonte's family's wealth. Maybe Dakota could overhear a conversation between Devonte and his parents, or he could find a financial document that reveals their assets.
  • Use the scene to develop the characters. Maybe Dakota could learn something new about Devonte, or vice versa.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending. Maybe Dakota and Devonte could have a heart-to-heart conversation about their relationship and their future together.



Scene 6 -  Revealing Secrets and Intimate Reconciliation
INT. EASTMAN MASTER BATHROOM

Devonte starts doing his nighttime skincare regimen.

DAKOTA
Why didn't you tell me this before?

DEVONTE
Because I'm not rich! My parents have
money, but they never showered us with
it!
27.


DAKOTA
Why didn't you ask them for money when
we were drowning in debt?

DEVONTE
My father paid for our entire lives up
until college! After that, only step
in when we really need it!

DAKOTA
We've been together almost ten years
and I'm just finding out I'm married
to the Fresh Prince of Atlanta! We're
not supposed to keep secrets from each
other!

DEVONTE
You would've known this years ago if
you even attempted once to bond with
my family!

DAKOTA
They hate me!

DEVONTE
Because you never make an effort! Even
at the wedding you barely said a word
to my grandfather even though he paid
for our honeymoon to South Africa!

DAKOTA
You said you found a Groupon! Also,
excuse me if I'm not entirely
comfortable around people who reduce
me entirely to the fact I'm biracial!

DEVONTE
They don't hate you because you're
white! We're a Black family with
money, of course some of these niggas
married a white bitch! They care that
you're a poor white boy!

DAKOTA
Bullshit! They hate that I'm not Black
enough! They wish you were with some
chocolatey beefcake straight outta
Wakanda looking ass dude! They wish
you were with someone who said stuff
like 'for the culture' and 'Black
excellence' and 'we are not our
ancestors'! Maybe he's a doctor or a
lawyer or he has some business back
home that he can't talk about but the
money's good! He's got a big ole mocha
covered Donkey Kong dong and it's
thick and veiny! But I'm not that guy
and I'll never be that guy!
28.


DEVONTE
I don't want you to be!

Devonte turns around and pulls Dakota in close.

DEVONTE
I love you because you're the
goofiest, quirkiest, most
compassionate and sensitive man I've
ever met. Do I wish you were more in
touch with your culture? Yes. But I
love that take the kids snowboarding
any chance you get even though the
twins first words were 'HELP'! I love
that your favorite actor is Jean
Claude Van Damme followed closely by
Steven Segal! I love that you thought
my afro pick was a cooking utensil! I
love that you thought black eyed peas
were a medical condition! I love that
watched Roots thinking it was a
haircare tutorial! I love that when I
make a reference to OJ, you still
think of the actual juice! If I was
really bothered by your background, I
never would've gone on that second
date in your van that was also your
house and smelled like where the music
died!

Dakota leans into Devonte and lets his husband comfort him.

DAKOTA
I just hate having secrets.

DEVONTE
I know, I should've told you earlier.
But I've always wanted my life to be
mine, not because of who I'm related
to.

DAKOTA
I can understand that.

DEVONTE
Besides, you're gonna do amazing at
that party and impress everyone!

DAKOTA
Are you sure?

DEVONTE
Once they get a chance to see the man
I know, they'll love you as much as I
do.

DAKOTA
Wanna show me how much you love me
29.


right now?

Devonte thinks for a moment.

DEVONTE
Sure.

Devonte kisses Dakota deeply.

DEVONTE
My hunchbacked white trash power top!

Dakota tosses Devonte onto the sink and starts taking off his
own pants.

DAKOTA
You're my special dark chocolate! My
exotic cocoa truffle! You're my mocha
muffin man!

DEVONTE
Let me melt all over you!

Devonte pulls off his pants and presses Dakota against his
body. As Dakota begins to thrust, music is heard loudly
playing. Devonte and Dakota laugh about it and turn off the
lights.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Devonte and Dakota have a heated conversation in the bathroom about keeping secrets, including the revelation of Devonte's family's wealth and Dakota's discomfort around his family. Despite their differences, they express their love and appreciation for each other, leading to a physical and intimate moment. The scene takes place during their nighttime skincare regimen and ends with them having an intimate moment together and turning off the lights.
Strengths
  • Raw and honest dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come off as insensitive or offensive to certain audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively delves into the complexities of the characters' relationship, revealing hidden truths and vulnerabilities. The emotional depth, humor, and intimate moments make it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing hidden family secrets and exploring issues of identity and acceptance within a marriage is compelling and well-executed. It adds depth to the characters and drives the emotional core of the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the revelation of a significant family secret and the resulting emotional turmoil within the marriage. While the plot progression is driven by the characters' interactions, it sets the stage for future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene tackles themes of race, identity, and privilege in a fresh and humorous way, offering a unique perspective on interracial relationships and family dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotional complexities are effectively portrayed. Their interactions reveal layers of vulnerability, resentment, and love, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both characters undergo emotional growth and introspection during the scene, leading to a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationship. The revelation of the family secret prompts introspection and acceptance.

Internal Goal: 8

Devonte's internal goal is to maintain his sense of identity and independence separate from his family's wealth and expectations. He wants to be seen for who he is as an individual, not just as a product of his family's money.

External Goal: 7

Devonte's external goal is to reassure Dakota and strengthen their relationship by being honest and open about his background and feelings.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene contains internal conflicts related to identity, acceptance, and communication within the marriage. While the conflicts are emotional and impactful, they are primarily driven by the characters' internal struggles.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters confront their own fears, insecurities, and misunderstandings within their relationship.

High Stakes: 6

While the emotional stakes are high for the characters in terms of identity, acceptance, and communication within the marriage, the external stakes are relatively low. The scene focuses more on internal conflicts and emotional growth.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing a significant family secret and deepening the emotional dynamics within the marriage. It sets the stage for future conflicts and character development.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in its resolution of conflict and emotional beats, but the characters' dialogue and actions keep the audience invested.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The scene explores the conflict between personal identity and family expectations, as well as the complexities of interracial relationships and cultural differences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, delving into themes of love, acceptance, and vulnerability. The raw and honest portrayal of the characters' emotions adds depth and resonance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is raw, honest, and emotionally charged. It effectively conveys the characters' inner turmoil, insecurities, and fears, while also incorporating humor to lighten the mood.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, humor, and relatable themes that draw the audience into the characters' struggles and triumphs.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, emotional resonance, and intimacy between the characters, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a dialogue-heavy scene, with clear character cues and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of conflict, resolution, and intimacy, fitting the expected structure for a dramatic dialogue-driven scene.


Critique
  • The scene contains a lot of dialogue, which can be both a strength and a weakness. While it allows for deep character development and exploration of themes, it can also become overwhelming and hard to follow. Consider breaking up the dialogue with more action or description.
  • The scene touches on important themes of race, identity, and family dynamics. However, some of the language used, such as 'white trash' and 'biracial', can be potentially offensive or harmful. Consider rephrasing or removing these terms to ensure the script is respectful and inclusive.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual elements. While there are some descriptions of the bathroom and the characters' actions, there is little detail about the characters' expressions, body language, or movements. Adding more visual cues can help bring the scene to life and make it more engaging for the reader.
  • The scene could also benefit from more tension and conflict. While there is some disagreement between Dakota and Devonte, it is quickly resolved. Consider adding more obstacles or challenges for the characters to overcome to keep the reader engaged and invested in their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Break up the dialogue with more action or description. For example, describe the characters' expressions, body language, or movements during the conversation. This can help make the scene more dynamic and engaging for the reader.
  • Consider rephrasing or removing potentially offensive language. This can help ensure the script is respectful and inclusive, and avoid alienating or offending any readers or viewers.
  • Add more visual cues to the scene. Describe the characters' appearances, facial expressions, and body language in more detail. This can help bring the scene to life and make it more engaging for the reader.
  • Add more tension and conflict to the scene. Consider introducing new challenges or obstacles for the characters to overcome. This can help keep the reader engaged and invested in their relationship, and make the scene more impactful and memorable.



Scene 7 -  Dakota's Chaotic Morning and a Surprise Proposal
INT. EASTMAN LIVING ROOM-DAY

Dakota is chasing the twins around the house who are wearing
nothing but diapers. He's trying to get them dressed. Ja'Niah
is playing a video game and tuning them out.

DAKOTA
BOYS GET OVER HERE!

The twins run into the kitchen.

DAKOTA V/O
NOT ON THE FLOOR!

The doorbell rings.

JA'NIAH
Someone's at the door!

DAKOTA V/O
ANSWER IT!

JA'NIAH
I'm playing my--

DAKOTA V/O
I'M COVERED IN PEE! GET THE DAMN DOOR!

Ja'Niah sighs as she pauses her game and answers the door.
Demetria is waiting.
30.


DEMETRIA
Hey Niah! Where's your dad?

JA'NIAH
Which one?

DEMETRIA
The white one.

Dakota enters holding the twins.

DAKOTA
Hey Demetria! Something wrong?

DEMETRIA
Dev and I was talking and he said I
should put more of an effort into
getting to know you.

DAKOTA
Okay [beat] Thanks for stopping by!

Dakota heads upstairs.

DEMETRIA
Wait! I really wanna make an effort!
It's not your fault you come from
trailer trash! I'm taking you on a
girl's day out!

DAKOTA
Which entails--

DEMTERIA
Nails, hair, massages--the whole nine!

JA'NIAH
Can I get a sow-in?

DEMETRIA
No, you're going with Nana. This is
just about me and your dad.

Demetria turns to Dakota.

DEMETRIA
Are you in?

Dakota dwells in silence for a moment.
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Comedy"]

Summary In the Eastman living room, Dakota, the father of twins, is seen struggling to dress them while his daughter Ja'Niah ignores the chaos and plays a video game. The scene takes a humorous turn when the doorbell rings, and Ja'Niah answers it, revealing Demetria. Demetria proposes a 'girl's day out' with Dakota, who eventually accepts. The main conflict of the scene is Dakota's struggle to take care of the twins while dealing with Demetria's unexpected visit, which is resolved when Ja'Niah answers the door. The scene ends with Dakota agreeing to go on a 'girl's day out' with Demetria.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Exploration of complex family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor and drama, showcasing the complexities of family dynamics and the challenges of acceptance and understanding.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the clash between different backgrounds and family dynamics is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses by revealing more about the characters' backgrounds and relationships, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and authentic family dynamics, humor, and conflict, making it original and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal is to maintain control and order in his household while also trying to navigate his relationships with his children and visitors.

External Goal: 7

Dakota's external goal is to handle the unexpected visit from Demetria and potentially build a better relationship with her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict present, mainly stemming from the differences between Dakota and Devonte's family.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the characters' beliefs and values, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, focusing on the tension between Dakota and Devonte's family and the challenges of acceptance and understanding.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters' backgrounds and relationships, setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to Demetria's unexpected visit and her controversial comments, adding tension and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around class differences and judgment. Demetria's comment about Dakota coming from 'trailer trash' challenges his self-worth and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to tension, engaging the audience in the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' personalities and conflicts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its humor, relatable family dynamics, and unexpected visitor, keeping the audience invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, humor, and character relationships, enhancing its overall impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, making it easy to read and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of events and character interactions, fitting the expected structure for a family drama genre.


Critique
  • This scene lacks a clear purpose or conflict. It simply shows Dakota trying to get the twins dressed while Ja'Niah plays a video game and Demetria arrives at the door.
  • The dialogue is repetitive and does not add much to the scene. For example, Dakota repeatedly tells the twins to get dressed and Ja'Niah repeatedly says she is playing her game.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Dakota heading upstairs and Demetria asking if she is in for a girl's day out. This leaves the reader feeling unsatisfied.
  • The scene does not advance the plot or develop the characters. It feels like a filler scene that could be cut without losing anything important.
Suggestions
  • Add a clear purpose or conflict to the scene. For example, Dakota could be trying to get the twins ready for a doctor's appointment or Ja'Niah could be refusing to help Dakota with the twins because she is upset about something.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more interesting and revealing. For example, Dakota could talk to the twins about their day or ask Ja'Niah why she is so interested in her video game.
  • Add a more satisfying ending to the scene. For example, Dakota could agree to go on a girl's day out with Demetria or Ja'Niah could finally agree to help Dakota with the twins.
  • Consider cutting the scene if it does not add anything important to the plot or character development.



Scene 8 -  A Surprising Revelation at the Nail Salon
INT. NAIL SALON

Dakota and Demetria are getting their nails done while
servants pour them drinks and serve them appetizers.

DAKOTA
It has been so long since I've had
anyone waiting on hand and foot for
31.


me!

DEMETRIA
I thought Dev used to work from home.

DAKOTA
I had to use coupons to get sex. He's
not that kind of guy. I do wonder what
the purpose of them soaking our feet
in Hennessy and gold sheets of paper
is.

DEMETRIA
It's called luxury nigga!

DAKOTA
Seems a little excessive.

DEMETRIA
You ain't back home on the range, you
in Atlanta! In Atlanta, we show out!
[beat] Can I ask you something?

DAKOTA
Shoot.

DEMETRIA
Is you one of them white boys who be
into freaky shit with niggas?

DAKOTA
I'm not white and no. But let me ask
you something: why is you act like a
rejected UPN side character when you
come from so much money?

DEMETRIA
Just cause we got money don't mean we
ain't still with the shits! I never
took to all the prep schools and
debutante balls my parents pushed me
into! Listen, this family is as hood
as anybody else we just hide it
better!

DAKOTA
What do you mean?

DEMETRIA
Chile we nigga rich! We be spending
thousands of dollars on gold rims for
cars, plastic surgery for every inch
of our bodies and boats large enough
to have brought the ancestors from
Africa! My family's rich because of
luck! My parents spent money like
water and nearly had to file for
bankruptcy! They act like hot shit now
32.


but their welfare line habits almost
had them in on food stamps forreal!

DAKOTA
Are you serious? How much are you
worth?

DEMETRIA
I'm worth 40 million because I've been
producing everything niggas have
watched since 2005. My parents are
liquid for about 150 million and the
rest's investments.

DAKOTA
That's still a lot.

DEMETRIA
It's not when you came from 1.5
billion.

Dakota pops up surprised.

DAKOTA
How the--

DEMETRIA
Nigga rich.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Dakota and Demetria visit a luxurious nail salon, where they discuss their wealthy lifestyles and past experiences. Demetria reveals her family's impressive net worth and their humble beginnings, which takes Dakota by surprise. The two characters have distinct personalities and backgrounds, creating a conflict that sets the stage for future interactions. The scene is light-hearted and humorous, with visual elements including the luxurious salon and Dakota and Demetria getting their nails done.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Revealing character insights
  • Exploration of wealth and culture
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come off as stereotypical or offensive

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, revealing, and adds depth to the characters and their backgrounds.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the intersection of wealth and hood culture within a wealthy African American family is unique and intriguing.

Plot: 7

The plot delves into the characters' backgrounds and relationships, adding layers to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on wealth, privilege, and identity, with authentic dialogue that feels true to the characters' backgrounds.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Demetria providing insight into the family's dynamics and revealing hidden aspects of their wealth.

Character Changes: 6

Demetria's revelation about her family's wealth and background adds complexity to her character and challenges stereotypes.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal is to navigate her relationship with wealth and privilege, as well as her own identity within that context.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to engage in a candid conversation with Demetria about their backgrounds and experiences.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a subtle conflict between Dakota and Demetria regarding wealth and identity, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds conflict and complexity to the characters' interactions, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are not extremely high in this scene, but the revelations about the family's wealth and background add intrigue.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides insight into the family dynamics and adds depth to the characters, moving the story forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations about the characters' backgrounds and beliefs.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing perspectives on wealth, privilege, and identity. It challenges their beliefs about themselves and their families.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes curiosity, surprise, and a deeper understanding of the characters' backgrounds.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, revealing, and adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue, character interactions, and exploration of complex themes.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and revealing character dynamics.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted correctly, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and character development, fitting the expected structure for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene contains some awkward dialogue and character interactions that may not feel authentic to the audience.
  • The use of stereotypical language and behavior, such as referring to servants and using phrases like 'nigga rich', can be offensive and detract from the overall quality of the scene.
  • The sudden shift in tone and topic in the middle of the scene, from discussing luxury and wealth to questioning Dakota's sexual preferences, feels jarring and confusing.
  • The character of Demetria comes across as one-dimensional and stereotypical, lacking depth and complexity.
  • The scene could benefit from a clearer purpose and direction, as it currently feels like a collection of random interactions and conversations.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it more natural and authentic, avoiding stereotypes and offensive language.
  • Focus on developing the characters and their relationships, giving them depth and complexity that goes beyond their wealth and background.
  • Establish a clear purpose and direction for the scene, guiding the conversation and interactions towards a specific goal or outcome.
  • Consider cutting or revising the sudden shift in tone and topic, as it may confuse and distract the audience.
  • Develop Demetria's character further, giving her motivations and goals that go beyond her wealth and background.



Scene 9 -  Wealth Disparity and the Divide in Black Atlanta
INT. MASSAGE ROOM

Dakota and Demetria are getting deep tissue massages by very
muscular handsome Black men. There's steam everywhere and an
old man with an African drum is wailing behind them. Two
servants are feeding Dakota and Demetria cocktails through
straws.

DEMETRIA
The Black community never learned how
to save money and those who did never
passed that onto their kids! The Jews
got it and they run shit! The Asians
got it and they run shit! The Indians,
dot head not pow-wow, got it and they
shit! But Black folk? Ain't nobody
been here longer than us but
Pocahontas yet we're at the bottom of
the totem pole! Why? Cause niggas do
shit like get their house fitted with
wallpaper made from actual hundred
dollar bills!

DAKOTA
My God, who was that?

DEMETRIA
Me but Yeezy talked me out of it
[sighs] I miss when he was normal.
33.


DAKOTA
So you're telling me that all of the
wealth in Atlanta is--

DEMETRIA
Fleeting, fading and probably fake to
begin with. There's two Atlantas...

EXT. GOLF COURSE-DAY

Demetria finishes a swing and lets Dakota take his turn.
There are servants nearby with drinks on trays.

DEMETRIA
There's Old Atlanta which is mostly
working to middle class, the wealth
that's there comes from the
reconstruction period. Then there's
New Atlanta that's mostly niggas who
got rich in the last 30 years or so.
These the niggas that grew up broke
but hit it big somehow or shit just
made it to middle management and now
they balling outta control!

DAKOTA
Where's your family fall in this?

DEMETRIA
My grandparent's are from Old Atlanta.
Granddaddy built his empire brick by
brick. But his kids, my mother, act
like New Atlanta. Have you seen how
much that woman spends on wigs?

DAKOTA
I'm still confused. I get what Old
Atlanta is but what exactly entails
New Atlanta?

INT. BRUNCH RESTAURANT

Dakota and Demetria are having brunch in a crowded fancy
restaurant that feels more like a club than somewhere to eat.
Everyone is dressed like they're going to the Grammys.

DEMETRIA
This is New Atlanta! How's the food?

DAKOTA
Horrible! I paid 40 bucks for chicken
and waffle with cheese grits! I could
do better and I just learned what Soul
Food is a month ago!

DEMETRIA
Now try the cocktail.
34.


Dakota sips his drink.

DAKOTA
Damn bitch! That shit is strong! I'm
not even a bottom yet my bussy is
loose right now!

DEMETRIA
Most Atlanta brunch spots are just
places to be seen getting drunk around
other wannabe famous who want be seen
getting drunk. The food is always the
quality of a Denny's in rural Idaho.

DAKOTA
Who owns this place and how are they
getting away with this?

CHINUA, a tall elegant dark skinned mid 40's Black woman
dripping in Nigerian jewelry, saunters over to them.

CHINUA
Hey Dee-Dee!

DEMETRIA
Hey Chi-Chi!

Demetria and Chinua hug.

DEMETRIA
Dakota, this is JaQuan's wife Chinua.
She owns this place.

DAKOTA
Everything is absolutely wonderful!
Best food I've had in a while!

CHINUA
All you're so sweet! The undocumented
Mexicans and Haitians in the kitchen
will appreciate the compliment! Dee,
come with me! I think I see Shannon
Sharpe!

Chinua pulls Demetria away with her. Dakota tosses his food
in the waste basket one of those waiter-robots is carrying.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this scene, Dakota and Demetria have deep tissue massages while discussing the wealth disparity within the Black community in Atlanta. They later move to a golf course and a fancy brunch restaurant, where Demetria explains the concept of 'Old' and 'New' Atlanta. They meet Chinua, the Nigerian owner of the brunch restaurant. The conversation revolves around financial literacy and responsibility, with Demetria expressing frustration towards the end. The scene ends with Dakota tossing his food and Chinua pulling Demetria away to meet Shannon Sharpe.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Humorous tone
  • Social commentary
Weaknesses
  • Lack of intense conflict
  • Some dialogue may be too on-the-nose

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor with thought-provoking social commentary, creating an engaging and entertaining narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring wealth disparities and cultural identity within the Black community in Atlanta is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around discussions about wealth, family dynamics, and societal expectations, providing depth to the characters and setting.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on themes of wealth and race, blending humor with social commentary in a unique way.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each with their own unique perspectives and personalities that contribute to the scene's dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and relationships, particularly in their understanding of wealth and identity.

Internal Goal: 8

Demetria's internal goal is to navigate her family's complicated relationship with wealth and status, as well as her own feelings of nostalgia and disillusionment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to understand the dynamics of wealth and power in Atlanta, particularly the differences between Old Atlanta and New Atlanta.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict mainly stems from the differences in wealth, cultural backgrounds, and family dynamics, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds complexity and conflict, driving the characters' actions and dialogue.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the discussions about wealth and identity have personal significance for the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' relationships, revealing new information, and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its exploration of wealth and race dynamics, keeping the audience engaged and intrigued.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The scene presents a philosophical conflict between traditional values of hard work and wealth accumulation versus the new money culture of extravagance and excess.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to reflection, engaging the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, sharp, and reflective, adding depth to the characters and driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its witty dialogue, intriguing characters, and exploration of complex social issues.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and develops the character dynamics, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively develops the themes and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene change from the massage room to the golf course and then to the brunch restaurant is a bit jarring and could use a more seamless transition.
  • The dialogue between Demetria and Dakota is quite didactic and exposition-heavy, which can make it feel less like a natural conversation and more like an info-dump.
  • The use of the n-word by Demetria might be offensive to some readers and could potentially be replaced with a less charged term.
  • The tone of the scene shifts abruptly from a serious discussion about wealth disparity to a more lighthearted and humorous one, which might be confusing for the reader.
Suggestions
  • Consider using more natural dialogue to convey the information about the two Atlantas, perhaps through a story or anecdote that Demetria shares with Dakota.
  • Think about introducing the concept of Old and New Atlanta more subtly, allowing the reader to infer the differences between the two through context rather than explicit exposition.
  • Consider replacing the use of the n-word with a less charged term, or having a conversation with a sensitivity reader to ensure that the language used is not offensive or harmful.
  • Try to maintain a consistent tone throughout the scene, ensuring that the transition between serious and lighthearted moments feels more natural and cohesive.



Scene 10 -  Chaos in the Kitchen: Preparing for the Big Party
INT. EASTMAN KITCHEN-DAY

Dakota is scrambling in the kitchen to prepare dishes for the
party. Ja'Niah is doing her best trying to change the twins.

DAKOTA
Ja'Niah we've got 30 minutes before we
need to hit the road and you've been
jerking around for 40!
35.


JA'NIAH
The twins keep peeing everywhere!

Dakota grabs Ja'Niah and places her at the stove.

DAKOTA
Stir!

Dakota starts changing the twins. They pee on him.

DAKOTA
Remind me to restrict their liquids
after 12.

JA'NIAH
Whatever you're frying is done!

DAKOTA
That's the deep-fried okra! Pull that
out for me!

JA'NIAH
I'm struggling to see over the stove!

DAKOTA
USE A CHAIR!

JA'NIAH
I'm a child! I shouldn't be doing
this!

DAKOTA
You know my credit card number! Get on
the damn chair girl!

Ja'Niah rolls her eyes and grabs a chair. She starts pulling
out the okra.

JA'NIAH
Dad, you're only supposed to bring one
dish!

DAKOTA
I'm doing this so your papa's family
finally starts to like me and stops
vaguely threatening to Missing White
Woman me!

JA'NIAH
Does Grampy like papa?

DAKOTA
Grampy doesn't like anyone but
thankfully we don't have to worry
about him!

Dakota manages to get the twins changed.
36.


DAKOTA
Honestly, that's the one thing about
this move I like! Hold down the fort,
I'm taking the twins upstairs for
quick nap!
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the Eastman kitchen, Dakota, a single father, scrambles to prepare dishes for a party while his daughter Ja'Niah struggles to change the twins. The process is chaotic and humorous, with the twins causing messes and Ja'Niah initially resisting helping her father. However, she ultimately complies, and Dakota reveals his motivation for going all out for the party: he wants to be accepted by his partner's family. The scene ends with Dakota taking the twins for a nap, leaving Ja'Niah to hold down the fort.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Realistic family dynamics
  • Engaging character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor with underlying tension, providing insight into the family dynamics and character relationships.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of showcasing the challenges of blending families and the pressure to fit in is well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Dakota struggles to prepare for the family gathering while dealing with the twins and Ja'Niah's reluctance.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of family dynamics and the pressure to impress others, with authentic character interactions and humorous dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each with their own distinct personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 5

While there is not significant character development in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and change in Dakota's character.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal is to gain acceptance from Ja'Niah's family, as indicated by his desire to impress them with his cooking skills.

External Goal: 7

Dakota's external goal is to successfully prepare dishes for the party and make a good impression on Ja'Niah's family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict present, mainly stemming from Dakota's internal pressure to impress Devonte's family.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the pressure to impress Ja'Niah's family and the challenges of preparing dishes in a chaotic environment.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are moderate, focusing on Dakota's desire to impress Devonte's family and navigate the complexities of their blended family.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the family gathering and highlighting the challenges Dakota faces in fitting in.

Unpredictability: 6

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character actions and outcomes, but the humor and tension keep the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of family acceptance and the lengths one is willing to go to in order to gain approval.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to tension, engaging the audience in the family dynamics.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the humor, frustration, and familial dynamics present in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the fast-paced dialogue, humorous interactions, and relatable family dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor, with quick exchanges between characters and a sense of urgency in the kitchen setting.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 7

The scene follows a typical kitchen setting format for a comedy genre, with characters engaging in fast-paced dialogue and actions.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and could be shortened to make it more focused and impactful.
  • The dialogue is too repetitive and could be streamlined to make it more concise and clear.
  • The conflict between Dakota and Ja'Niah is not very interesting or believable.
  • The ending of the scene is abrupt and does not leave the reader with a sense of closure.
  • The scene does not do much to advance the plot or develop the characters.
Suggestions
  • Cut the scene down to just the essential moments.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more concise and clear.
  • Give Dakota and Ja'Niah a more interesting and believable conflict.
  • Rewrite the ending of the scene to give the reader a sense of closure.
  • Add more details to the scene to help the reader visualize the setting and the characters.



Scene 11 -  Grady's Judgmental Homecoming
INT. EASTMAN LIVING ROOM-DAY

Dakota crosses into the living room and upstairs with the
twins in tow. There's a knock on the door.

DAKOTA V/O
Get the door!

Ja'Niah answers the door and it's Dakota's father GRADY, a
grizzled greying burly white late 60's mountain man type clad
in flannel and camo print.

JA'NIAH
Grampy!

Grady pulls Ja'Niah into a bear hug.

GRADY
How ya doin' squirt?

JA'NIAH
What are you doing here?

GRADY
I got up bored up in the mountains and
I figured I'd see what all the fuss
with Atlanta was about!

Grady sniffs around.

GRADY
You got something on the stove?

Ja'Niah gasps and runs into the kitchen.

INT. EASTMAN KITCHEN

Ja'Niah tends to the food on the stove as Grady enters.

GRADY
What's all this?

JA'NIAH
Daddy's making food for a party we're
going to later.

Grady tastes some of the food with his hands like a caveman.

GRADY
I didn't know Devonte could cook like
that!
37.


Grady goes in for more bites with his hands. Dakota enters
and freezes in shock.

DAKOTA
What the hell?

Grady turns around with food dripping from his face and
spraying out of his mouth when he speaks.

GRADY
There's my boy!

Grady hugs his son who appears to be in complete disbelief.

DAKOTA
What are you doing here?

GRADY
Things got stale up in the cabin.
Figured I'd come and see how my
favorite son was doing!

DAKOTA
I'm the only son that talks to.

GRADY
That's why you're my favorite son!

Grady migrates back to the stove and continues eating.

GRADY
This is real good Cody! Where'd you
learn how to cook like this?

JA'NIAH
He gets practice cause he stays home
with us now!

Grady drops the food on the ground.

GRADY
What?

Grady gets up close to Dakota.

GRADY
Are you Dev's little woman now?

DAKOTA
I'm a stay-at-home father now Dad.

GRADY
Tell me you're at least doing work on
the side.

DAKOTA
Devonte makes enough money now that I
don't have to work.
38.


JA'NIAH
I love having Daddy at home! He lets
sleep in and goes full on 'Now See
Here Buddy' whenever the teacher
complains that I'm late! Yesterday we
had ice cream and pancakes for dinner!

DAKOTA
It was cinnamon nutmeg pancakes with a
peach bourbon reduction and a scoop of
handmade French vanilla ice cream.

Grady looks at Dakota with disgust.

DAKOTA
I put a lot of work into it, I wanted
her to get it right!

GRADY
He's got you cooking his meals,
cleaning his house and raising his
kids! Does he keep your balls in his
purse too?

DAKOTA
It's not a purse, it's a day bag.

GRADY
Did you get into another accident? Why
are you working?

DAKOTA
He makes 200k a year now! I don't need
to be busting my body hopping on roofs
or crawling into crawl spaces anymore!

GRADY
But you're supposed to be the man!

DAKOTA
We're both men! That's how a gay
relationship works!

GRADY
No, he's the one who wears heels and
makeup and pays a grand to shake his
ass to Beyonce! You're supposed to be
the masculine one who protects and
provides for his family!

DAKOTA
I'm still providing for my family! I
provide them with three meals a day, a
clean house and foot rubs for my
husband when he gets home!

JA'NIAH
Is that what you're calling it now?
39.


DAKOTA
Go upstairs and get dressed, your
father should be home any minute!

JA'NIAH
Yes sir.

Ja'Niah runs out of the room.

GRADY
My son's been made a bitch!

DAKOTA
Dad you're overreacting!

GRADY
Listen I know I haven't always been
totally on board with you
being...y'know...

DAKOTA
Bisexual.

GRADY
Yeah, that. But I try my best to back
you up because that's what parents do
according to the books your mother
made me read! The one solace I had was
that I knew my son was the one doing
the bending, now I don't even know!

DAKOTA
Bending? Are you asking if I'm the
top?

GRADY
The what now?

DAKOTA
The top is the one does 'the bending'.

GRADY
Well, are you?

DAKOTA
Yes.

Grady sighs in relief and hugs Dakota.

GRADY
Thank God! I was worried you were a
minute away from telling me you were
gonna slice your wiener off and call
yourself Emily!

Devonte arrives home through the back door.
40.


DEVONTE
Hey sorry I'm--

Devonte stops dead in his tracks when he sees Grady.

GRADY
How ya doin' Dev?

Grady gives Devonte a big hug.

DEVONTE
Grady, what are you doing here?

DAKOTA
Dad's decided to come stay with us for
a while.

DEVONTE
Oh! Why?

GRADY
Can't a make come check on his
grandchildren and favorite son-in-law?

Devonte looks at Dakota who is putting on the most forced
smile possible.

DEVONTE
Did you know about this?

DAKOTA
I'm as delightfully surprised as you
are!

GRADY
What's all the food for? You guys
having a party?

DEVONTE
We're actually going to a little
reception at my cousin's house.

GRADY
What for?

DEVONTE
It's just a little welcome home party.

GRADY
Great!

Grady whips off his pants and opens his suitcase.

GRADY
I'll start getting dressed!

DEVONTE
You want to come with us?
41.


GRADY
Why not? I wanted to spend some time
with you and this seems like a great
way to do it!

Grady takes off his shirt.

GRADY
How formal is this thing?

Devonte stares at Grady in absolute horror.

DEVONTE
Dakota, can I speak to you for a
moment?

DAKOTA
Actually, I'm a little preoccupied--

Devonte drags Dakota out of the kitchen.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Dakota, Ja'Niah, and the twins return home to find Dakota's father Grady at the door. Grady is surprised to see Dakota as a stay-at-home father and expresses his disapproval, leading to an argument about gender roles. Devonte arrives home, and Grady decides to join them on their outing, diffusing the tense situation. The scene takes place in the Eastman living room and kitchen, with visual elements including Grady's rugged appearance and the twins running around. The tone is tense and argumentative, but also joyful upon Grady's reunion with his grandchildren.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Well-defined characters
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor and tension to create an engaging and entertaining family interaction. The dialogue is sharp and the characters are well-defined.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family relationships, gender roles, and acceptance in a comedic setting is well-executed. The scene introduces conflict and sets up potential character development.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the unexpected visit of Dakota's father and the ensuing conflict regarding gender roles and family dynamics. It sets up potential conflicts and character arcs.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and original take on family dynamics and gender roles, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that challenge traditional norms.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and distinct, each with their own personality and motivations. The interactions between the characters drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions set up potential growth and development for the characters in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal is to assert his identity and choices in the face of his father's disapproval and judgment. He wants to defend his role as a stay-at-home father and his relationship with Devonte.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the unexpected visit of his father and maintain peace and harmony in his household.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Dakota, Grady, and Devonte regarding gender roles and family dynamics creates tension and drives the scene forward. The conflicting viewpoints add depth to the interactions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Grady's disapproval and judgment creating conflict and tension for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on interpersonal conflicts and family dynamics. However, the scene sets up potential higher stakes in future developments.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflict, setting up potential character arcs, and deepening the relationships between the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected visit of Grady and the clash of values and beliefs that ensue, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around traditional gender roles and expectations versus modern, non-traditional relationships. Grady's beliefs clash with Dakota and Devonte's lifestyle choices.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to tension, creating an engaging and entertaining experience for the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' personalities and conflicts. It effectively conveys humor and tension in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its humor, conflict, and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective, with a balance of dialogue, action, and tension that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a comedic family interaction, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene contains a lot of dialogue and action, which can make it overwhelming for the reader. It might be helpful to break it up into smaller chunks to make it easier to follow.
  • The conflict between Grady and Dakota is clear, but the tone can be harsh and off-putting. It might be more effective to have the conflict arise more organically and allow the characters to have a more nuanced conversation about their differing perspectives.
  • The scene contains a lot of exposition, particularly about Dakota's role as a stay-at-home father. While this information is important, it can be integrated more smoothly into the dialogue and action of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider breaking up the scene into smaller sections to make it easier to follow.
  • Instead of having Grady immediately jump to conclusions about Dakota's role as a stay-at-home father, have the characters engage in a more nuanced conversation about their differing perspectives.
  • Integrate the exposition about Dakota's role as a stay-at-home father more smoothly into the dialogue and action of the scene.



Scene 12 -  Neighborhood Watch: Devonte and Dakota's Father's Visit
INT. EASTMAN LIVING ROOM-DAY

Devonte and Dakota enter the living room.

DEVONTE
Your father cannot come with us!

DAKOTA
Look, I'm no fan of it either but we
can't tell him to stay home!

DEVONTE
This isn't his home! Tell him to go
back to that dinky cabin in the
mountains!

DAKOTA
Babe, he drove all this way just to
see us!

DEVONTE
Drove? [gasps] Oh my God!

Devonte runs to the window.

DEVONTE
He brought the Winnebago?

DAKOTA
What'd you expect him to do? Fly?

DEVONTE
He's gotta move it! We can't have our
neighbors see that thing in front of
our house!

Dakota doesn't say anything but he laughs a little.
42.


DEVONTE
What's so funny?

DAKOTA
You're a snob!

DEVONTE
I am not a snob!

DAKOTA
Dev you once made Ja'Niah stay home
from school because there was a spot
on her shirt!

DEVONTE
I won't have my child leave the house
looking like we're on welfare!

DAKOTA
Why not just change the shirt?

DEVONTE
Because it was a whole ensemble! I
didn't have anything else that matched
that color palette! I'll die before my
child looks like some unemployed
college dropout drugged out hippie!

Dakota looks at Devonte with amusement.

DAKOTA
I'll break it down for you: either he
comes with us and we can prevent him
from trying to eat the ice sculptures
like at the wedding or he stays here
in our nice house in our nice
neighborhood where he can have Alexa
order things for him.

Devonte thinks about it for a moment.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the Eastman living room, Devonte and Dakota discuss their father's impending visit, with Devonte concerned about the family's image in the neighborhood and Dakota taking a more welcoming approach. The conflict arises when Devonte wants his father's Winnebago moved, which Dakota finds amusing and calls him a snob. Despite their differences, Dakota proposes a compromise, leaving the conflict unresolved but with a potential solution in sight. The scene is light-hearted, revealing Devonte's preoccupation with appearances.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humor intertwined with tension
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive arguments
  • Lack of resolution in conflicts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor and tension to create an engaging dynamic between the characters. The dialogue is sharp and reveals important aspects of the characters' relationships and backgrounds.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family tensions and social class differences is well-executed in the scene, providing depth to the characters and driving the conflict forward.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters navigate their conflicting views and relationships, adding layers to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of social status and materialism, using humor and wit to explore the characters' values and relationships. The dialogue feels authentic and reveals the characters' personalities effectively.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions, adding richness to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perceptions and relationships, particularly in how they view each other and their backgrounds.

Internal Goal: 8

Devonte's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his image of wealth and sophistication, even at the expense of his relationship with his father. This reflects his deeper need for validation and acceptance from his peers.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prevent his father from embarrassing him in front of his neighbors by moving his Winnebago. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining social status and avoiding judgment from others.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters, fueled by their differing backgrounds and values, creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, with conflicting goals and values driving the conflict between the characters. The audience is unsure of the outcome, adding tension and interest to the scene.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the tensions and conflicts between the characters add weight to their interactions and relationships.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflicts and relationships between the characters, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' dialogue and actions. The humor and conflict keep the audience guessing about the outcome, adding tension and interest to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's values of materialism and social status versus his father's more laid-back and carefree attitude. This challenges Devonte's beliefs about what is important in life and how to present oneself to society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions from the audience, including humor, discomfort, and judgment, adding depth to the character relationships.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, revealing, and drives the conflict forward while also providing moments of humor and tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its sharp dialogue, humor, and dynamic character interactions. The conflict between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome, while the humor adds depth to the relationships and themes.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor, conflict, and character development. The dialogue is well-paced, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' relationships and goals.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The action is easy to follow, and the pacing is effective in building tension and humor.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the action forward. The dialogue is well-paced and engaging, keeping the audience invested in the characters' relationships and goals.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Dakota and Devonte is very confrontational and one-sided, with Devonte expressing his disapproval of his father's visit without giving Dakota a chance to respond. This makes the scene feel unbalanced and could be improved by giving Dakota more opportunities to express his perspective.
  • The conflict between Devonte and Dakota about whether or not to allow Grady to come with them is not fully resolved by the end of the scene. This leaves the audience feeling uncertain about how the situation will be handled and could be improved by providing a clearer resolution to the conflict.
  • The scene lacks a clear goal or objective for the characters. It is unclear what Devonte and Dakota are trying to achieve by discussing Grady's visit, and this makes the scene feel aimless and lacking in direction.
  • The scene relies heavily on exposition to convey information about the characters and their relationships. This can be tedious for the audience and could be improved by incorporating more action and dialogue into the scene.
  • The scene does not advance the plot or character development in any significant way. It feels like a filler scene that could be cut without affecting the overall story.
Suggestions
  • Add more dialogue from Dakota to give him a chance to express his perspective on Grady's visit.
  • Provide a clearer resolution to the conflict between Devonte and Dakota about whether or not to allow Grady to come with them.
  • Give the scene a clear goal or objective for the characters, such as deciding what to do about Grady's visit or discussing their feelings about his arrival.
  • Incorporate more action and dialogue into the scene to make it more engaging for the audience.
  • Consider cutting the scene if it does not advance the plot or character development in any significant way.



Scene 13 -  Road Trip to the Country Estate
INT. EASTMAN VAN-DAY

Devonte is driving while Dakota and Grady play 'Name That
Tune'. Ja'Niah looks miserable.

JA'NIAH
Are we almost there?

DEVONTE
We should be pulling up on the house
soon!

JA'NIAH
Drive faster!

DAKOTA
Do you think they'll like the food?
43.


DEVONTE
Bae, you're basically catering the
thing at this point. You'll be fine.

GRADY
What kind of shindig is this anyway?

DEVONTE
I told you, it's a welcome home party,
just a small reception. Nothing fancy
at all.

JA'NIAH
Look, we're here!

The others lean forward and marvel at the massive sprawling
estate in awe.

DAKOTA
Your mother said they made 'small
renovations' to the house!

DEVONTE
They did, this is mostly how it always
looked.

GRADY
Your family owns this house?

DEVONTE
Yes, it was our little country cottage
to get away from the stress of the
city. My grandmother used to own it,
but she got tired of the upkeep.

GRADY
How on Earth could y'all afford a
place like this?

JA'NIAH
Papa's rich!

DEVONTE
We're not rich! We're comfortable.

DAKOTA
Our getaway home was our grandma's
trailer in Idaho. You grew up going to
Tony Stark's southern estate!

GRADY
You knock it but that trailer was
pretty nice on the inside!

DAKOTA
It had black mold, smelled like Coors
Light mixed vomit and had so many
cockroaches they could've paid rent!
44.


GRADY
That gave it character!
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Devonte and his friends drive to Devonte's family's country estate for a welcome home party. The group plays 'Name That Tune' and discusses the food for the party during the trip. Ja'Niah becomes impatient and asks Devonte to drive faster, but the conflict is quickly resolved when they arrive at the massive estate. The scene ends with the group marveling at the size of the estate.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, drama, and character dynamics to create an engaging and entertaining interaction. The witty dialogue and sarcastic tone add depth to the family relationships, making the scene enjoyable and relatable.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of contrasting family backgrounds and lifestyles is well-executed, providing insight into the characters' motivations and relationships. The scene effectively explores themes of wealth, identity, and family dynamics.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the family's interactions and dynamics during a visit to their lavish estate, showcasing tensions and humor within the group. The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters and their backgrounds.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on wealth and privilege through the characters' contrasting backgrounds and experiences. The authenticity of the characters' dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and distinct, each with their own personalities and motivations. The dialogue reflects their individual traits and relationships, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in the scene, with the focus more on revealing the characters' personalities and relationships. However, subtle shifts in dynamics and understanding are present.

Internal Goal: 8

Ja'Niah's internal goal is to feel included and comfortable in the unfamiliar setting of the estate, reflecting her deeper need for acceptance and belonging.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to attend the welcome home party at the estate and navigate the social dynamics of the event.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict present in the scene, mainly revolving around differences in background and lifestyle choices. The tension adds depth to the interactions but is not overly intense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds conflict and uncertainty, driving the characters' actions and decisions.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in the scene, focusing more on interpersonal dynamics and relationships within the family. While tensions exist, they are not life-threatening or extremely high.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by providing insights into the characters' backgrounds, relationships, and dynamics. It sets the stage for future developments and conflicts within the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' unexpected reactions and revelations, adding depth to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing perspectives on wealth, privilege, and upbringing. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about their own background and identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including amusement, tension, and slight empathy for the characters. The emotional impact adds depth to the interactions and relationships portrayed.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reflective of the characters' personalities. It drives the scene forward, revealing insights into the relationships and dynamics within the family.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the dynamic character interactions, humor, and tension that drive the narrative forward.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and reveals character motivations, contributing to its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue and scene descriptions that enhance the reader's understanding.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively introduces the setting, characters, and conflicts, setting up future developments in the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction. It seems to be a transition scene, but it doesn't advance the plot or develop the characters in any meaningful way.
  • The dialogue is mostly exposition and doesn't reveal much about the characters or their relationships.
  • The characters' reactions to the house are unrealistic. They're all amazed by its size and luxury, but they don't seem to have any emotional connection to it or to each other.
  • The scene ends abruptly without any resolution or sense of closure.
Suggestions
  • Add a clear purpose or goal to the scene. What do the characters want to achieve by visiting the house? What do they hope to learn or experience?
  • Develop the characters by giving them more specific reactions to the house and to each other. Show how they feel about their family history and their place in it.
  • Consider adding a conflict or obstacle to the scene. This could be something that prevents the characters from achieving their goal or that forces them to confront their feelings about each other.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending. This could involve resolving the conflict or obstacle, or it could simply leave the characters in a place of greater understanding or connection.



Scene 14 -  Country Cottage Party
EXT. COUNTRY COTTAGE DRIVEWAY-DAY

Dakota is getting the twins situated in their stroller while
Ja'Niah and Grady help Devonte unload the food.

DEVONTE
Everyone be themselves! My family and
friends have money but they aren't
pretentious! If you stand on ceremony,
they'll be uncomfortable!

SERVANTS step outside.

SERVANT 1
Hello Mr. Braithwaite-Eastman, welcome
home.

SERVANT 2
May we assist you?

DEVONTE
I think we can--

The servants take the food inside.

DEVONTE
Manage.

GRADY
Whoa! Those guys looked like clones of
the butler from The Fresh Prince of
Bel-Air!

DEVONTE
Yes, they changed the servants out a
while ago. At least, these speak
English.

Devonte walks inside. Grady and Dakota give each other a
puzzled look.

EXT. COUNTRY COTTAGE BACKYARD-DAY

Devonte and the family enter the sprawling backyard of the
cottage. It looks similar to a lavish country club than a
private home. The party is well underway. LA'SHONDA, a
beautiful and elegant statuesque dark skinned late 30's Black
woman, spots Devonte and screams.

LA'SHONDA
DEV!

DEVONTE
SHONDA!
45.


La'Shonda and Devonte run over to one another and hug. Some
of Dev's friends join them.

LA'SHONDA
Bitch you look good!

DEVONTE
Thanks! Sometimes I feel like I've
become a cow since we had the kids!

LA'SHONDA
Chile you look amazing! That white boy
must be working your ass out!

DEVONTE
In more ways than one!

La'Shonda sees Dakota and the family bringing up the rear.

LA'SHONDA
Speak of the devil...

La'Shonda and her friends circle around Dakota.

LA'SHONDA
I haven't seen you since the wedding!
How are you Dakota?

DAKOTA
I'm good...

Dakota looks behind La'Shonda and sees Devonte mouthing out
her name.

DAKOTA
La'Shonda!

LA'SHONDA
Tell me, how's the construction
business going?

JALEN, a fit and handsome incredibly stylish mid 30's light-
skinned Black male, looks Dakota up and down.

JALEN
That's right! You're the wild man from
the Rockies I heard Devonte managed to
tame! My how his taste has changed.

Grady wanders off with the twins. Ja'Niah notices this and
tries to get her parents attention but they ignore her.

DAKOTA
I'm sorry--who are you?

Jalen shakes Dakota's hand.
46.


JALEN
Jalen Jackson-Johanssen of Jackson
Johanssen Family Law--

Jalen holds Dakota's hand and stares him in the eye.

JALEN
And Devonte's ex-fiancé.

DAKOTA
Really?

Dakota looks back at Devonte who is trying to communicate his
side of the story through charades. Dakota tries to follow
along. Ja'Niah keeps trying to get his attention.

JA'NIAH
Dad!

DAKOTA
Not now Ja'Niah.

Ja'Niah groans and goes to find Grady.

DAKOTA
I had no idea you were...

Dakota watches Devonte.

DAKOTA
Devonte's boyfriend since you were 18
largely because your parents wanted
you to get married because it would've
meant cojoining both businesses. But
Devonte was never really in love with
you and was only doing it for his
father.

Dakota is looking at Devonte when he says--

DAKOTA
Did I get that right?

JALEN
Yes...that's spot on.

Devonte is acting out some more information.

DAKOTA
But the reason he broke up with you is
because you slept with every other fat
bootied hoe with a smile and gave him
gonorrhea twice! Then you tried to
make it up to me--to him by taking him
to Bermuda for Valentine's Day but I
caught--he caught you sleeping with a
maid in your ocean suite!
47.


JALEN
He told you all that?

DAKOTA
Yeah, hold on....

Dakota tries to figure out what Devonte's telling him next.

DAKOTA
He's very happy with me because I
actually listen to him when he says
'no that hurts, no that's not the--I
can't say that!

JALEN
What?

DAKOTA
What?

Devonte gets in-between the two of them.

DEVONTE
Dakota why don't you go get your
father something to--

Devonte turns and sees Grady and the kids are gone.

DEVONTE
Oh God! He's loose!

DAKOTA
I'll go find him!

Dakota runs off.

JALEN
I need to tend to my wife. It was nice
seeing you again Dev.

Devonte just smiles as Jalen exits.

LA'SHONDA
My, my doesn't Tarzan have quite the
acid tongue on him?

NADEGE, an attractive early 40's Black woman dressed like a
mix between a fancy drape and go-go dancer, speaks up.

NADEGE
I bet he puts it to good use too! Mm
honey look at those arms [in Kreyol] I
wish I could see how many rounds he
can go for!

DEVONTE
[in Kreyol] I was on that mission trip
to Port-au-Prince too, remember?
48.


Nadege sips her wine and looks away from him.

DEVONTE
[in English] But yes, he's got a
'rustic' quality to him that I enjoy.

DAMARCUS, a twinky feminine mid 30's Black male dressed like
a clearance rack at Zara exploded on him, speaks up.

DAMARCUS
Is he hung like a brotha or like a
field mouse?

DEVONTE
DeMarcus!

DEMARCUS
Answer the question gurl!

LA'SHONDA
Yes chile, we all wanna know! Is he
rough?

DEMARCUS
Is he hairy?

NADEGE
Is it pink?

Devonte sighs and his body language portrays he's annoyed but
he gives up.

DEVONTE
It's a light tan, he's very hairy,
he's so rough that once I had three
orgasms in one session and--

Devonte puts his hands apart to represent how long and girthy
Dakota's penis is. His friends gasp in shock.

DEMARCUS
And you're coming home to that every
day in an apron with a smile, a
cocktail and a hard-on?

Devonte beams with pride.

DEVONTE
Yes, yes I am!

DEMARCUS
Gurl, you lucky as hell!

NADEGE
He got a brother?

LA'SHONDA
Fuck that! Do you loan this nigga out?
49.


DEVONTE
Are things not going well with
LaDarius?

LA'SHONDA
Let's just say that the last time I
had back to back orgasms, I had to
outsource them.

DEVONTE
Where is he by the way?

LA'SHONDA
He's currently on a business trip with
Jabril, a perky young intern working
his campaign who is very eager to
please!

DEVONTE
He's never around to help with the
kids?

LA'SHONDA
We don't have any yet because he can't
'preform', at least with me.

La'Shonda sips her wine.

LA'SHONDA
I'm very happy for you Dev.

Devonte is about to respond but he sees Grady strolling the
kids over towards the bar.

DEVONTE
SHIT! I gotta go! We'll talk!

Devonte runs off.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Devonte and his family arrive at a country cottage for a party. Servants take their food inside, and Devonte's ex-fiancé, Jalen, introduces himself to Dakota. Devonte's friends make crude comments about Dakota, causing tension. Devonte runs off to find his loose child, Grady, amidst the light-hearted and humorous atmosphere of the backyard gathering.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • Balancing humor and drama effectively
Weaknesses
  • Some characters' backstories may need more development
  • Ja'Niah's role could be more prominent

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor and drama, introduces intriguing conflicts and character dynamics, and moves the story forward while keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring past relationships, family wealth, and dynamics at a family reunion is engaging and adds depth to the characters and plot.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through revelations about past relationships, family dynamics, and conflicts, setting up future developments and adding layers to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and unexpected elements, such as the revelation of past relationships and the characters' candid discussions about intimacy. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and relationships that drive the scene forward and create engaging interactions.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the revelations and interactions set the stage for potential growth and development in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal is to navigate the social dynamics and past relationships at the party, particularly with Devonte's ex-fiancé Jalen. This reflects Dakota's need for acceptance and understanding in his relationship with Devonte.

External Goal: 7

Devonte's external goal is to manage the party and ensure everything runs smoothly. This reflects his immediate challenge of balancing his personal life with his social obligations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There are conflicts present in the scene, such as past relationships, family dynamics, and personal revelations, adding tension and drama to the interactions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting relationships, past secrets, and social dynamics creating tension and uncertainty. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are not extremely high in this scene, but the personal and relational conflicts add tension and importance to the interactions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future developments, keeping the audience invested in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations, character dynamics, and dramatic twists. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around past relationships, societal expectations, and personal desires. It challenges the characters' beliefs about love, loyalty, and authenticity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to surprise to tension, engaging the audience and creating a connection to the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, revealing, and adds depth to the characters and their relationships, blending humor with drama effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, dramatic revelations, and complex character interactions. The conflicts and dynamics keep the audience hooked.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a good rhythm and flow. The interactions and revelations are well-timed and keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear character interactions and developments. It maintains a good pace and rhythm.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a focus on the family and their interactions, but quickly shifts to Devonte's ex-fiancé, Jalen, and his friends. This shift in focus may confuse the reader and take away from the main storyline.
  • There are several instances of crude language and sexual innuendos that may not be necessary for the scene and could potentially alienate some readers.
  • The dialogue between Devonte and his friends seems unnatural and forced, as if it's only included for shock value. It's important to maintain a level of realism in the dialogue to keep the reader engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider focusing more on the family and their interactions at the party. This will help to further develop their relationships and add depth to the story.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and realistic. Avoid using crude language and sexual innuendos unless it's necessary to the plot.
  • Consider cutting or toning down the conversation between Devonte and his friends. If it's important to the plot, find a way to make it more natural and less shocking.



Scene 15 -  Dakota's Story Interrupted by Family Tension
EXT. COUNTRY COTTAGE GAZEBO-DAY

Dakota is telling a story to some of Devonte's friends. They
seem very engrossed.

DAKOTA
Then he gets into the amphitheater and
he sees his infant son is in the
middle of a minefield with a man-
eating tiger!

In the background, Grady is arguing with the bartender and
he's getting violent.

RICH FRIEND 1
What does he do?

Dakota leans as if he's getting to the good part.
50.


DAKOTA
Dennis Rodman swoops in on a motorbike
and grabs the baby! Quinn chases
Starvos out of the amphitheater as it
explodes with the tiger chasing after
him!

Security rushes in and tackles Grady to the ground.

RICH FRIEND 2
But how does he survive the explosion?

DAKOTA
He hides behind a Coke machine! They
fried the coke! And that's 'Double
Team', the greatest movie ever made!

Devonte runs over to Grady and tells security to back off but
they start handcuffing Grady instead. Everyone notices and
looks behind Dakota. He turns around and looks mortified.

RICH FRIEND 1
Who is that man and how did he get in?

DAKOTA
Yeah! Since when are we letting trash
that like that in here?

RICH FRIEND 2
I swear, some people just don't know
how to act!

Grady sees Dakota at the gazebo.

GRADY
Cody! Cody come here!

RICH FRIEND 1
Is that man talking to you?

DAKOTA
I--I don't think so!

GRADY
Dakota, help me out son!

RICH FRIEND 2
Is that your father?

Dakota laughs while knocking back a couple of shots.

DAKOTA
My father? Of course not! Let me go
straight him straight, be right back!

Dakota takes another shot and runs off.
51.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Dakota is sharing an engaging story about a movie with Devonte's friends outside a country cottage gazebo. The atmosphere is light-hearted and engaging until Grady, Devonte's father, gets into an argument with a bartender and becomes violent. Security intervenes, and Grady calls out to Dakota for help. Initially, Dakota is in conflict about helping Grady due to their strained relationship but eventually decides to go assist him.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of comedy and drama
  • Well-developed characters and relationships
  • Engaging dialogue and interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some stereotypical characterizations
  • Lack of resolution in certain conflicts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor and tension, advancing the plot while delving into character relationships and conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of family dynamics, social class differences, and personal identity is well-developed and drives the scene forward.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Dakota interacts with Devonte's friends and father, revealing underlying tensions and conflicts within the family.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and imaginative story within a familiar social setting, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue. The unexpected twists and turns keep the audience engaged and entertained.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions reveal depth and complexity, especially in the face of social class differences and family dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

Dakota's interactions with Devonte's friends and father reveal growth and change in his character, especially in how he navigates social class differences and family dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal in this scene is to impress Devonte's friends with his storytelling skills and entertain them with an engaging narrative. This reflects Dakota's desire for approval and validation from his peers.

External Goal: 7

Dakota's external goal is to diffuse the situation with Grady and the security guards, showcasing his ability to handle unexpected conflicts and maintain composure in social settings.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Dakota, Devonte's friends, and father adds tension and drama to the scene, highlighting underlying issues within the family.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Grady's conflict adding tension and uncertainty to the narrative. The audience is left wondering how Dakota will handle the situation.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of social class differences and family tensions add urgency and importance to the scene, raising the emotional stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflicts and relationships between characters, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in Dakota's story and the sudden conflict with Grady, adding tension and intrigue to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around social class and judgment. The friends judge Grady based on his appearance and behavior, highlighting the theme of prejudice and societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions from amusement to tension, engaging the audience in the characters' struggles and conflicts.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys humor, tension, and character dynamics, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, action, and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the characters' interactions and the unfolding events.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions. The rhythm contributes to the scene's effectiveness and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue tags and scene descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and escalating tension. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is confusing and unclear. It is not immediately clear what is happening or what the characters' motivations are.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. The characters speak in a way that people do not normally speak.
  • The scene lacks focus. It is not clear what the main point of the scene is.
  • The scene is too long. It could be shortened by cutting out unnecessary dialogue and action.
  • The scene is not visually interesting. It is set in a plain and uninteresting location.
  • The scene does not advance the plot. It is a filler scene that could be cut without losing anything important.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the scene from scratch, making sure to clarify the characters' motivations and the main point of the scene.
  • Rephrase the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Cut out unnecessary dialogue and action to tighten the scene.
  • Add some visual interest to the scene by setting it in a more interesting location or by using more descriptive language.
  • Consider cutting the scene altogether if it does not advance the plot.



Scene 16 -  Grady's Unexpected Bar Visit and Flirtatious Encounters
EXT. COUNTRY COTTAGE BAR-DAY

Dakota runs over to the bar and tries to help his father but
security blocks him.

DAKOTA
What happened? What did you do?

GRADY
These folks are so rich but they're
charging 15 bucks for a whiskey sour!

DAKOTA
Why would you assume it was an open
bar?

GRADY
You can smell the money here! I
assumed I wouldn't need a small
business loan to get a drink!

DAKOTA
The free stuff in on the trays Dad!

A waiter walks by with a tray of champagne. Dakota takes two
glasses and downs them.

DAKOTA
See?

Latrice and Jerome arrive.

LATRICE
You can let him go, he's with us.

The security relents and exits. Grady gets to his feet.

GRADY
Hey there! I remember you from the
wedding!

Grady hugs Latrice and Jerome, the latter of whom seems to
enjoy it very much.

LATRICE
It's lovely to see you Grady but we
didn't know you'd be joining us!

DEVONTE
Dakota's father decided to surprise us
with a visit!

GRADY
I hope I didn't step on any toes!

JEROME
Nonsense! You're always welcome here!
52.


Jerome puts his hands on Grady's shoulders and looks him up
and down.

JEROME
Seeing you side by side, I know where
Dakota gets his looks from! God,
there's just so much of you! You're
solid as a rock! So rugged, so
manly...

Jerome laughs aroused and Grady laughs with him but not
getting why. Dakota and Devonte look deeply confused but
Latrice knows what's going on. She gets between them.

LATRICE
How long will you be in Atlanta Grady?

GRADY
Depends on how long the kids will let
me stay.

DAKOTA
You planned on staying with us?

GRADY
Well not exactly with you but I need
somewhere to park the Winnebago!

LATRICE
You drove here in an RV?

JEROME
How rustic! Like a real man!

Jerome slaps Grady on the shoulder which turns into him
rubbing Grady's arm while laughing. Grady joins him again but
doesn't get it. Latrice pulls Jerome off.

LATRICE
If you want, you could stay at our
home at Lake Lainer.

DEVONTE
You're giving him the lakeside cabin?

Latrice pulls Devonte to her level and speaks into his ear.

LATRICE
Do you want your neighbors watching
him wash his mobile home in his
underwear having a rockabilly ole
time?

Devonte shoots upright.

DEVONTE
You'll love the cabin! The fishing's
excellent!
53.


Latrice shows Grady pictures of the cabin on her phone.

LATRICE
It's about an hour away from the city
and right up on the water. It's
secluded from most of the public areas
of the lake. It's got the most
breathtaking view!

GRADY
I might take the twins on a fishing
trip then!

DEVONTE
They're two years old!

GRADY
Never too late to teach 'em how to be
real men! Can't expect you two to do
it! I'll take 'em hunting too!

DEVONTE
You're not giving my boys guns!

GRADY
I shot my first gun when I was three!
It landed right between the eyes of a
rutting buck!

JEROME
You're a real mountaineer man! Like
Paul Bunyon but with smoother skin!

Jerome smells Grady.

JEROME
What's that you're wearing?

GRADY
It's my own blend of pine oil, lime,
ash and nutmeg.

JEROME
I could sniff you all day!

GRADY
I can set you up with some if you
want.

JEROME
I'll let you bathe me in it!

Jerome laughs while resting his hand on the small of Grady's
back. Grady still has no idea what's going on.

LATRICE
Jerome, I see the Obamas. Let's go say
hi.
54.


Latrice rushes Jerome away.

GRADY
Shit, that really is Barack and
Michelle!

DEVONTE
We used to vacation together in Maui.
Anyway, Grady why don't you wait
inside the house until we leave?

GRADY
But I wanna--

DEVONTE
The TV's so clear you'll think you can
touch Tom Selleck's moustache!

GRADY
Wonder what kinda food's in there...

DEVONTE
Go find out!

Devonte pushes Grady in the direction of the house. La'Shonda
signals for Devonte to come over. He grabs the stroller.

DEVONTE
We're staying for an hour then we're
going before anything else can happen!

DAKOTA
I'll be as bougie as possible, just
for you!

Devonte kisses Dakota.

DEVONTE
You'll be rewarded handsomely for it
tonight!

Dakota kisses Devonte back.

DAKOTA
Why not right now in one of the guest
rooms?

Devonte rolls his eyes and exits.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Dakota attempts to help his father Grady at the bar, but security guards block him. Grady becomes frustrated about the cost of drinks and gets into a heated exchange with Dakota. Latrice and Jerome arrive, vouch for Dakota, and invite Grady to join them. Jerome heavily flirts with Grady, causing confusion and discomfort. Devonte hesitantly allows Grady to stay at their lake house but pushes him towards the house and tells him to wait inside, ending the scene.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Humorous interactions
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
  • Low emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, drama, and surprise elements to create an engaging and entertaining family reunion scenario. The interactions between the characters are well-written and keep the audience interested.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a family reunion with unexpected guests and humorous misunderstandings is well-executed in the scene. It adds depth to the characters and advances the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around Grady's unexpected visit and the interactions between the characters at the country cottage. It adds humor and conflict to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the clash of social classes and values, with a mix of humor and drama. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, especially Grady, Devonte, and Dakota, are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Each character adds a unique dynamic to the scene.

Character Changes: 4

There is minimal character change in the scene, with the focus more on showcasing the characters' personalities and relationships. However, subtle shifts in dynamics can be observed.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal is to understand and possibly reconcile with his father's behavior and presence at the event. He is also trying to navigate the social dynamics and potential embarrassment caused by Grady's actions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain a sense of decorum and social standing in front of the wealthy guests, while also managing his father's unexpected arrival and behavior.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily revolving around Grady's unexpected visit and the interactions between the characters. The conflict adds tension and humor to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising from the clash of values, social dynamics, and misunderstandings between characters. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the interactions will unfold.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on humor, family dynamics, and character interactions. However, the unexpected visit of Grady adds a layer of unpredictability to the situation.

Story Forward: 7

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new elements, conflicts, and relationships. It sets the stage for future developments and adds depth to the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival and behavior of Grady, as well as the misunderstandings and comedic moments that arise from the clash of values and social classes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the values of wealth and status represented by the other guests, and the more down-to-earth, rustic values embodied by Grady. This challenges Dakota's own beliefs and sense of identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with elements of humor, surprise, and conflict evoking various emotions from the audience. It keeps the viewers engaged and entertained.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is witty, sarcastic, and humorous, adding depth to the characters and driving the interactions forward. It showcases the relationships between the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, comedic tension, and dynamic character interactions. The audience is drawn into the social dynamics and conflicts that unfold.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions that maintain the comedic tension and drive the narrative forward. The rhythm adds to the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue tags, character actions, and scene descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical format for a comedic social interaction, with clear character introductions, conflicts, and resolutions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with a clear setting and character dynamics. However, there are moments where the dialogue feels stilted and unnatural, particularly in the exchanges between Grady and Jerome.
  • The humor in the scene is effective in breaking the tension, but it can also feel over-the-top and distracting at times. It might be helpful to dial back the humor slightly to allow for more serious moments to shine through.
  • The scene could benefit from more description of the setting and the characters' appearances. While there are some details provided, there are opportunities to further immerse the reader in the world of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue between Grady and Jerome to make it feel more natural and less stereotypical. This will help to avoid perpetuating harmful stereotypes and create more nuanced characters.
  • Evaluate the humor in the scene and determine if it is serving the story or distracting from it. If it feels like the latter, consider cutting back on some of the jokes or reworking them to better fit the tone of the scene.
  • Add more descriptive language to the scene to help the reader visualize the setting and the characters. This will help to create a more immersive experience for the reader and make the scene more engaging.



Scene 17 -  Devonte's Revelation: A Surprise Addiction and Uncertain Finances
EXT. COUNTRY COTTAGE BACKYARD

Devonte strolls the twins over to La'Shonda and their
friends. Kalina and Demetria have joined them.

LA'SHONDA
We wanted to get a better look at the
twins!
55.


Everyone crowds around the two boys and coos over them.

LA'SHONDA
They're so precious! Did you adopt or
use a surrogate?

DEVONTE
Surrogate. We actually used this
clinic that specializes in connecting
Black couples with Black donors and
surrogates.

NADEGE
Whose are they?

DEVONTE
What do you mean?

NADEGE
Whose sperm did you use?

DEVONTE
Our egg donor was actually one of
cousins from Trinidad and--

KALINA
You used the white boy's sperm?

DEVONTE
When we had Ja'Niah we used my sperm
and his sister's eggs. It only seemed
fair that for the twins we did the
reverse.

Kalina looks aghast.

KALINA
Tell me you get custody as a part of
the pre-nup!

Devonte falls silent and spots a waiter with a tray of
champagne and takes two glasses. Kalina looks aghast.

KALINA
You don't even have a pre-nup, do you?

Devonte downs both glasses of champagne and signals for
another.

DEVONTE
Is that champagne or that a light
vodka? I need two more over here!

KALINA
That white boy's gonna take you to the
cleaner's and bleed you dry for child
support!
56.


DEVONTE
I'm aware you had a marriage more
tragic than anything currently
happening in Westeros, but our
relationship isn't built on
materialism or selfishness. I knew he
was broke when I met him! He lived in
a van for Christ's sake!

KALINA
He was homeless?

DEVONTE
He flipped an old van into a mini-
home. It was actually quite
impressive, had a stove and
everything. He's very good with his
hands.

DEMARCUS
I bet. Lucky bitch.

NADEGE
I'd give you 2 grand for a weekend
with him.

LA'SHONDA
I'd double it!

The trio turns their attention to Dakota playing football
with some of the other men. He's on the skins team. His farm
fed physique glistens with sweat in the sunlight.

DEMARCUS
Gurl you didn't tell me he was built
like that?

DEMETRIA
I could have him cast in the next
Tyler Perry movie by tonight, just
bring the oil!

KALINA
That little himbo is after your money!

DEVONTE
He didn't even know about the money
until we moved here!

KALINA
Are you serious?

DEVONTE
He thought I was the poor one!

KALINA
Racist little oaf. Of course, he'd
think--
57.


DEVONTE
I was an addict!

Everyone gasps.

DEVONTE
When I left for college, I got hooked
on cocaine and meth--

Jalen is walking towards the group.

DEVONTE
Mostly because Jalen introduced them
to me to improve our sex life.

Jalen darts in the opposite direction.

DEVONTE
When Dakota met me, I was coming out
of rehab for the third time. But he
didn't see me as a junkie. He still
pursued me, locked me in his van for
two months and helped me get clean. He
used to go to all my NA meetings. He
helped me get a therapist. He was my
biggest cheerleader. He knew nothing
about me except that he wanted to
spend the rest of his life making mine
perfect. That's the kind of man I
married! So no, I'm not worried about
him Kalina.

Everyone is speechless and staring at Devonte in shock.

DEVONTE
You may rebut.

KALINA
How come you never told us?

DEVONTE
Because I knew how you'd react, how
all of you would react. Dakota never
judged me, but if I told you that's
all I'd ever get.

KALINA
I wouldn't have judged you!

NADEGE
I would've.

The others murmur in agreement. Ja'Niah runs up to Devonte.

JA'NIAH
I can't find Grampy!
58.


DEVONTE
He's in the house watching TV.

JA'NIAH
In the house? With who?

DEVONTE
No one, he should be alone.

LA'SHONDA
Actually, Ethel was taking a nap
inside.

DEVONTE
She's here?

JA'NIAH
Who's Ethel?

LA'SHONDA
She hadn't seen you in years so she
flew up from her beach home in Nassau.
Is that a problem?

Devonte runs towards the house.

JA'NIAH
Hey wait!

Ja'Niah grabs the stroller and runs after him.

JA'NIAH
WHO'S ETHEL?
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Devonte introduces his friends and family to the twins, discussing the surrogacy process and sperm donor. The conversation takes a serious turn when Kalina raises concerns about a pre-nup and finances, prompting Devonte to reveal his past addictions and Dakota's support during his recovery. The friends are left in shock, and the scene ends with Devonte rushing to find Ethel, leaving Ja'Niah searching for her grandfather.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Revealing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some characters' reactions may feel exaggerated or stereotypical

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, with a good balance of drama and humor. The shocking revelations add depth to the characters and keep the audience intrigued.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing hidden truths and past struggles within a family setting is well-executed. It adds layers to the characters and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the characters' relationships are tested by the revelations. The conflict and tension are heightened, leading to a compelling storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on topics like surrogacy, race, addiction, and relationships, offering a unique take on modern societal issues. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic. The revelations showcase their vulnerabilities and complexities, making them more relatable.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo emotional changes as their past struggles are revealed. Their relationships are tested, leading to personal growth and introspection.

Internal Goal: 8

Devonte's internal goal in this scene is to defend his relationship with Dakota and prove that their love is genuine despite external judgments and challenges.

External Goal: 7

Devonte's external goal is to navigate the social interactions and judgments of his friends regarding his relationship with Dakota and their family dynamics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters is heightened by the shocking revelations and differing perspectives. Tensions rise as past struggles come to light.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters challenging each other's beliefs, values, and choices. The conflicts and tensions create uncertainty and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as the characters' past struggles and vulnerabilities are exposed. Their relationships and identities are challenged, leading to potential consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' relationships and introducing new conflicts. The revelations have a significant impact on the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and character dynamics that challenge the audience's assumptions and expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around societal norms, race, and materialism. Devonte challenges the traditional views of relationships and family structures, while his friends question his choices based on their own beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from shock to amusement to concern. The characters' vulnerabilities and struggles resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, emotional, and impactful. It reveals the characters' true feelings and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, drama, and emotional depth. The characters' conflicts and revelations keep the audience invested in the story and its outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing information, and engaging the audience. The rhythm of dialogue and actions enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and interactions, with a clear progression of events and character dynamics. The dialogue and actions are well-paced and structured.


Critique
  • The scene contains a lot of dialogue and exposition, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow and engage with. Consider breaking up the dialogue with more action or description to keep the reader engaged.
  • There are several instances of characters speaking in ways that seem unnatural or forced, such as when Kalina and Demetria make crude comments about Dakota or when they discuss Devonte's past addictions. Make sure that the characters' dialogue and actions are motivated by their personalities and the situation.
  • The scene contains a lot of exposition about the characters' backstory and relationships, which can be overwhelming for the reader. Consider spreading this information out over several scenes or using it to drive the conflict and tension in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Break up the dialogue with more action or description to keep the reader engaged.
  • Make sure that the characters' dialogue and actions are motivated by their personalities and the situation.
  • Spread out exposition over several scenes or use it to drive the conflict and tension in the scene.
  • Consider adding more sensory details to help the reader visualize the setting and action.
  • Make sure that the pacing of the scene is balanced and that there is a clear build-up of tension and conflict.



Scene 18 -  A Friendly Encounter: Grady Meets Ethel
INT. COUNTRY COTTAGE TV ROOM-DAY

Grady is watching a Broncos game as the servants bring him a
cheeseburger and beer. ETHEL, a lean but feisty regally
beautiful late 90's Black woman, enters while smoking a
cigarette. She's dressed like a much younger woman.

ETHEL
I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone else
was here.

GRADY
Nah you're good. I'm just taking a
break from the party to watch the
game.

Grady wipes his hand on his shirt and offers it to Ethel.

GRADY
I'm Grady.

Ethel hesitantly shakes his hand.
59.


ETHEL
Ethel, nice to meet you.

GRADY
Have a seat, get comfortable.

Ethel sits next to Grady.

ETHEL
Who did you come here with?

GRADY
My son's married to the lady who used
to own this house.

ETHEL
You're Devonte's father-in-law?

GRADY
Sure am, who are you?

ETHEL
I'm his grandmother.

Grady pops back surprised.

GRADY
Get outta town! You look great! I
never would've guessed you had a 70-
year-old daughter!

ETHEL
I had her rather young, but I do try
to keep active.

GRADY
Sweetheart, you're a 10/10! Your
husband's a lucky man!

ETHEL
Actually, my Sylvester died several
years ago.

GRADY
And no one's scooped up a beautiful
rose like you yet?

ETHEL
You're too kind! Are you married?

GRADY
Been divorced twice, got a few baby
moms. I keep falling for strong
beautiful Black women, they're my
weakness.

ETHEL
Really?
60.


Ethel moves closer to Grady and undoes a few of her blouse
buttons.

ETHEL
You don't currently have a woman in
your life?

GRADY
Most women my age can't keep up with
me.

ETHEL
I don't think I'd have that problem.

Ethel takes a sip of Grady's beer and gets even closer to
him.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Grady, a middle-aged man, watches a football game when Ethel, the grandmother of his son's wife, enters the room. They have a friendly conversation, during which Grady compliments Ethel's appearance and learns that her husband has passed away. Ethel makes a move on Grady, who reveals his history of falling for strong, beautiful Black women. The scene ends with Ethel getting closer to Grady and making a move on him. The tone is friendly and flirtatious, with a touch of sadness.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous tone
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited impact on overall plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, well-written, and adds depth to the characters while providing a comedic relief amidst the drama. The flirtatious banter between Grady and Ethel adds a unique and entertaining element to the storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of unexpected connections and flirtation between older characters brings a fresh and intriguing angle to the scene, showcasing the complexity of relationships and human interactions.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Grady and Ethel's interaction adds a new layer to the dynamics of the characters and sets the stage for potential future developments in the storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to age and romance, presenting unconventional character dynamics and challenging traditional stereotypes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Grady and Ethel's characters are well-developed and their interaction reveals new facets of their personalities, making them more relatable and interesting to the audience.

Character Changes: 4

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interaction between Grady and Ethel hints at potential growth or shifts in their relationships and dynamics in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Grady's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Ethel on a personal level and potentially explore a romantic interest. This reflects his desire for companionship and his attraction to strong, beautiful Black women.

External Goal: 7

Grady's external goal is to take a break from the party and watch the game. This goal reflects his immediate desire for relaxation and enjoyment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on the light-hearted and flirtatious interaction between Grady and Ethel rather than intense drama or tension.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with hints of potential conflict or tension in Grady and Ethel's budding relationship. The audience is left unsure of how their interaction will unfold.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes in the scene are low, focusing more on character interaction and development rather than high-intensity conflicts or dramatic events.

Story Forward: 6

The scene adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for potential future developments in the storyline, moving the narrative forward by introducing new dynamics and relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected flirtatious turn in Grady and Ethel's conversation, adding a layer of intrigue and tension to their interaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of age, beauty, and companionship. Grady and Ethel's conversation challenges societal norms around age and relationships, highlighting the value of connection and attraction regardless of age.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of amusement and warmth through the playful banter and unexpected connection between Grady and Ethel, creating a light-hearted and enjoyable moment for the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and adds depth to the characters, especially in the flirtatious banter between Grady and Ethel, creating a memorable and entertaining scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, playful interactions, and the dynamic chemistry between Grady and Ethel. The humor and flirtatious undertones keep the audience invested in the characters and their relationship.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and chemistry between Grady and Ethel, with a gradual escalation of flirtatious banter and character revelations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character introductions, dialogue exchanges, and a gradual build-up of tension and chemistry between Grady and Ethel.


Critique
  • The dialogue is somewhat predictable and lacks depth. The characters' interactions feel superficial and don't reveal much about their personalities or motivations.
  • The scene doesn't seem to advance the plot or develop the characters in any significant way. It feels like a filler scene that could be cut without affecting the overall story.
  • The pacing is slow and the scene lacks tension or conflict. There's not much to keep the reader engaged or invested in the characters' conversation.
  • The scene doesn't provide much context for the reader. It's not clear why Grady and Ethel are meeting or what their relationship is to the other characters in the story.
  • The dialogue is a bit too on the nose. The characters state their intentions and motivations explicitly, which makes the scene feel unnatural and forced.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more depth and complexity to the characters' motivations and interactions. Give them clear goals and desires, and make their conversations more revealing and engaging.
  • If possible, try to connect the scene more closely to the overall plot. Show how the characters' actions and decisions影響 the story's progression.
  • Add some tension or conflict to the scene. This could be done through a disagreement between the characters, a threat to their well-being, or a moral dilemma.
  • Provide more context for the reader. Explain who Grady and Ethel are, how they know each other, and what their relationship is to the other characters in the story.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and less on the nose. Let the characters' actions and reactions speak for themselves, rather than having them state their intentions and motivations explicitly.



Scene 19 -  Jerome's Victory Celebration Turns Sour
EXT. COUNTRY COTTAGE PATIO-DAY

Devonte runs towards the house but is intercepted by Jerome
and JaQuan who are eating some of Dakota's food.

JEROME
Dev you've gotta try this! Whoever
made these yams deserves a medal!

DEVONTE
Dakota made those.

JAQUAN
These chitlins taste just like great-
grandma Ola's!

DEVONTE
He made those, the fried okra, the mac
and cheese, the stewed ox tails and
the cornbread.

JEROME
Who taught him how to cook like that?

DEVONTE
Mostly from watching me but--

Jerome puts a mouthful of food into Devonte's mouth.

JEROME
Isn't that better than sex on the
beach?

DEVONTE
DAMN! He is getting good!

JAQUAN
He could give my wife some lessons.

DEVONTE
She owns a restaurant! How can she not
61.


cook?

JAQUAN
She owns a bar that happens to sell
food like every other bougie New
Atlanta brunch restaurant! No one's
going there to eat, they're going to
be seen and to get hammered!

DEVONTE
Speaking of which, daddy have you been
drinking? You look off.

JEROME
I'm perfectly fine!

DEVONTE
You're having heart surgery next week
and the doctor said--

JEROME
Damn him! I've been to 20 countries,
fought in four wars and been shot
twice! I can handle a drink or two!

DEVONTE
JaQuan, please make sure our father
doesn't kill himself before the night
is over.

JAQUAN
Will do. I must say, I am impressed by
your halfbreed of a husband. Perhaps,
we misjudged him.

JaQuan looks at Dakota wrestling with some of the nephews.

JAQUAN
He's getting on famously with the rest
of the family. I'll try to let up on
the mountain mutt.

DEVONTE
His name is Dakota.

Devonte looks at JaQuan defiantly.

JAQUAN
Noted.

Dakota runs over to Devonte and JaQuan.

DAKOTA
I'm getting old! Those kids are giving
me a run for my money!

JEROME
Look at the way his abs glisten!
62.


Devonte and JaQuan look at their father taken aback. Dakota
sniffs Jerome and laughs.

DAKOTA
Someone got into the yams!

DEVONTE
What do you mean?

DAKOTA
I made the yams with a bottle of rum
like you always do.

DEVONTE
Did you cook it out?

DAKOTA
I added it towards the end so it had a
little bounce to it.

DEVONTE
How much did you add?

DAKOTA
A few splashes, I think.

DEVONTE AND JAQUAN
You think?

DAKOTA
Honestly, I knocked back a bottle
while I was cooking but I'm pretty
sure I didn't use any more than a few
splashes!

Ja'Niah strolls the twins over to her parents.

JA'NIAH
He's not in the house! I checked
everywhere!

Ja'Niah smells Jerome.

JA'NIAH
I told you half a bottle was too much!

DEVONTE
Oh God!

Devonte turns to the buffet and sees everyone is a little
tipsy.

DAKOTA
Don't worry babe! I didn't waste any
liquor, I used the rest of it to clean
the chitlins!

Devonte and JaQuan look at Dakota with horror.
63.


DAKOTA
Alcohol kills bacteria!

DEVONTE
Did you wash them?

DAKOTA
Yeah, once. Why?

DEVONTE
Do you know where chitlins come from?

DAKOTA
Actually, no. I've always wondered
that!

Devonte whispers it into Dakota's ear followed by Dakota
screaming.

DAKOTA
That's what I've been eating all these
years?

DEVONTE
I assumed you knew!

DAKOTA
I never ask! I just swallow whatever
you put in my mouth!

Everyone turns to Devonte and Dakota, some with curious
smiles.

JEROME
As you were!

Everyone turns back around.

JEROME
Don't sweat the kid too much Dev! He's
learning and I think he's doing a
bang-up job!

DAKOTA
Thank you General.

Someone in the background throws up.

DEVONTE
Please no...

More people start to vomit.

DEVONTE
OH GOD!

Devonte runs around the buffet and throws people's plates
away.
64.


DEVONTE
DON'T EAT IT! YOU'LL DIE!

A scream is heard from inside the house. Latrice comes
outside running.

JAQUAN
Mama, what's wrong?

LATRICE
I went to bring some food to your
grandmother and she was--she was--

Latrice shudders in horror. Ethel runs outside covered only
by a sheet. Everyone gasps.

ETHEL
Honey it's not what you think!

Grady follows Ethel wrapped in a rug.

GRADY
We were just talking but then our
clothes fell off!

DAKOTA
Dad what are you doing?

GRADY
Getting to know my in-laws.

Ethel shakes Dakota's hand.

ETHEL
Ethel King, I'm Devonte's grandmother.
It's so nice to meet you Dakota!

Dakota wordlessly stares at her in shock.

ETHEL
I apologize for missing your wedding
all those years ago. I was on safari
with Colin Powell and his wife and I
forgot I was double booked!

DAKOTA
It's fine. Dad put some clothes on--

Another person throws up.

DAKOTA
You're making everyone sick!

Someone passes out in the background. The other guests stare
at Dakota and begin whispering about him.

JEROME
That's enough! All of you should be
65.


ashamed of yourselves!

LATRICE
Jerome have you been drinking?

JEROME
Away from me woman! Y'all judge this
boy for his background when you should
be celebrating! Remove gender from it
and my son has a certifiable smokeshow
cooking his meals, cleaning his house,
raising his kids and gives him porn
star quality sex every night!

LATRICE
Jerome you drunken idiot! Sit down!

JEROME
I will not! He's giving our son back-
to-back orgasms on demand! Then add
back in that this is a white boy that
our son who dresses like 90's Oprah
has brought into submission, it's a
win for the culture! The white man
thought if he couldn't lock and drug
and shoot us up, he'd breed us out!
Look at the NBA! You may as well call
it the National Biracial Association!
But look what happened! This Band-Aid
colored boy is submitting to a sissy
and re-melenated his own bloodline!

Jerome laughs as he pops some heart pills and eats some more
yams.

JEROME
I've defeated the white man's agenda!
My seed reigns superior! Victory,
VICTORY!

Jerome collapses. Latrice lets out an over-the-top cartoonish
scream from the bottom of her soul.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Devonte's family gathers on the patio of a country cottage to try Dakota's cooking, which includes rum-infused yams. Jerome defends Dakota and celebrates his victory over the white man's agenda, but then collapses after getting drunk. Ethel and Grady meet Dakota for the first time. The scene is lighthearted and humorous, but also has moments of shock and horror as Jerome collapses at the end.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Humorous moments
  • Surprising twists
Weaknesses
  • Some over-the-top moments
  • Potential for offensive humor

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly entertaining, with a good balance of humor and drama, and unexpected twists that make it engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family gathering with a mix of humor, drama, and shocking moments is well executed and keeps the audience entertained.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around a family gathering where unexpected events unfold, adding depth and entertainment to the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on family gatherings and cultural clashes, with unexpected revelations and comedic elements that set it apart from traditional family drama scenarios.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions add humor and drama to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

There is some character development, particularly in the interactions between the characters, but it is not the central focus of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Devonte's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the chaotic family gathering and ensure that everything goes smoothly, despite the unexpected events and revelations that unfold.

External Goal: 7

Devonte's external goal is to prevent a disaster at the family gathering, particularly related to the food and alcohol consumption.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, mainly revolving around the characters' interactions and unexpected events.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing unexpected challenges and conflicts that add depth to the narrative and keep the audience on their toes.

High Stakes: 6

While there are some high stakes in terms of embarrassing situations and family dynamics, the overall stakes are not extremely high.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new dynamics and conflicts within the family setting.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations, comedic moments, and escalating tension that keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around family dynamics, cultural differences, and societal expectations. Jerome's speech about race, culture, and relationships challenges traditional beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to shock, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and engaging, adding depth to the characters and driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, drama, and unexpected twists that keep the audience invested in the characters' relationships and the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing comedic moments with dramatic tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character dialogue, and action lines.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear character interactions, comedic beats, and escalating tension, fitting the genre of family comedy.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose or direction. It is unclear what the writer is trying to convey with this scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a more focused storyline or conflict to the scene to make it more engaging and impactful.
  • Develop the characters more by adding depth and complexity to their motivations and actions.
  • Cut out unnecessary dialogue and streamline the scene to make it more cohesive and impactful.
  • Consider adding more visual elements, such as specific details about the setting or actions of the characters, to make the scene more vivid and memorable.



Scene 20 -  Jerome's Confession and Final Moments
INT. HOSPPITAL LOBBY-NIGHT

Latrice is sitting alone looking distressed. Dakota walks
over to her with some coffee.

DAKOTA
Figured you could use this since we'll
be here a while.

LATRICE
Thanks.

DAKOTA
Sorry for almost killing your husband.
66.


LATRICE
If you had finished the job, I'd have
bought you a car.

DAKOTA
You're having problems?

Latrice laughs and sips her coffee.

DAKOTA
My mom left my dad after he knocked up
my kindergarten teacher, again. You
shouldn't have to stay in a situation
that's not serving you. She got out,
maybe you should too.

Latrice continues to drink as she thinks it over.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM-NIGHT

Jerome is asleep with several machines hooked up to him.
Devonte is by his bedside asleep. Jerome wakes up.

JEROME
Dev...

Devonte pops up.

DEVONTE
Dad, are you okay?

JEROME
Did I die?

DEVONTE
The doctor said you had a heart
attack.

JEROME
Big or small?

DEVONTE
It was so strong, I felt it. But the
surgery was successful. He said you
should recover.

JEROME
Good, because I wanted to tell you
before I die that I'm so proud of you.

DEVONTE
Aw thanks but--

JEROME
Let me finish. Before I entered the
service, I ran my father's sugar cane
fields. There was this migrant worker
from Ireland who was the most
67.


beautiful man I had ever met. Fiery
red hair, glittering green eyes, pearl
white teeth and skin so smooth and
soft it was like kissing a breeze. His
body was chiseled and defined like
white marble cut by the Celtic gods
themselves! He was my first love.

DEVONTE
Are you telling me you're gay?

JEROME
I don't label it. But Quinn was the
man I wanted to spend my life with but
the times being what they were, I
couldn't. My father paid him to return
to Ireland and to never speak to me
again. I was pushed into the service
and introduced to your mother shortly
after that. Father thought both would
man me up.

Jerome laughs but it causes him pain.

JEROME
If only he knew the truth.

DEVONTE
Does mom know the truth?

JEROME
I'm sure she figured it out with all
the young men I've snuck in and out
the house. But I wanted you to know
before I died that I've always envied
you. You're living my dream while
living in your truth. I never was able
to have the life I wanted with Quinn.
But when I see you with Dakota, it's
like some piece of us lives on!

Jerome takes Devonte by the hand and leans up to look him in
the eye.

JEROME
Don't let those jackals in our family
deter you! You found something real
with someone real! Treasure it! Fight
for it! I wish I did!

Jerome falls back as his heart flatlines. The doctors and
nurses rush in as does Latrice who lets out another dramatic
scream.
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Romance"]

Summary In the hospital lobby, Latrice and Dakota anxiously wait for updates on Jerome's condition. Meanwhile, in Jerome's hospital room, he wakes up and reveals to Devonte that he once had a love affair with a male migrant worker, leaving Devonte to process this new information. Jerome then falls back, his heart flatlines, and doctors and nurses rush in, ultimately ending his life. The scene is filled with emotion, as the characters grapple with the shock, sadness, and nostalgia of the moment.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-written, and provides significant character development and insight into the relationships within the family. The dialogue is poignant and the themes explored are compelling.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of revealing deep personal truths, exploring past regrets, and expressing love and acceptance within a family setting is executed effectively. The scene delves into complex emotions and relationships, adding depth to the overall story.

Plot: 8

While the scene doesn't advance the main plot significantly, it adds depth to the characters and their relationships, setting the stage for potential future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique family dynamics, explores themes of identity and acceptance, and delves into personal struggles with authenticity. The characters' dialogue and actions feel genuine and emotionally resonant.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic and emotionally resonant. The scene allows for significant growth and understanding of the characters' motivations and past experiences.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience significant emotional growth and understanding in the scene, particularly Devonte and Jerome. The revelations and reflections lead to a deeper connection and empathy between family members.

Internal Goal: 8

Latrice's internal goal is to come to terms with her feelings towards Dakota and her husband's situation. She is also processing her own emotions and contemplating her future.

External Goal: 7

Jerome's external goal is to express his true feelings and experiences to his son before he passes away. He wants to share his past struggles and regrets with Devonte.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional conflict and tension in the scene, it is more internal and reflective rather than external. The conflict arises from past regrets, unspoken truths, and the complexities of family relationships.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is emotional and internal, as the characters confront their past struggles, regrets, and personal truths. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate their complex emotions and relationships.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are more emotional and personal in nature, focusing on the characters' relationships, past regrets, and the potential for growth and understanding within the family.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene doesn't propel the main plot forward significantly, it adds depth to the characters and their relationships, setting the stage for potential future developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected emotional revelations and character dynamics. The audience is kept on their toes as the characters' true feelings and past experiences are revealed.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around societal expectations, family dynamics, and personal identity. Jerome's struggle with his sexuality and the pressure to conform to traditional norms is evident in his conversation with Devonte.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, hope, and reflection. The revelations and heartfelt moments between the characters resonate deeply with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is heartfelt, emotional, and reveals important truths about the characters. It effectively conveys the complex emotions and relationships within the family.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character development, and dramatic tension. The personal revelations and heartfelt moments draw the audience in and create a sense of empathy and connection.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing emotional moments with character interactions and revelations. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness and emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure, transitioning smoothly between different character interactions and emotional beats. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene is emotionally charged and deals with heavy themes such as infidelity, acceptance, and the strained relationship between Devonte and his father.
  • The dialogue between Devonte and his father is powerful and reveals a lot about their past and the struggles they have faced.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a good mix of dialogue and action.
  • The scene could benefit from more description of the hospital room and the characters' expressions and body language, which would help to convey the emotional weight of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the scene, such as the beeping of the machines and the smell of the hospital, to make it feel more immersive.
  • Consider showing more of Devonte's emotional reaction to his father's revelation, such as through his facial expressions or body language.
  • Consider adding more context about Jerome's heart attack and the events leading up to it, to help the reader better understand the situation.
  • Consider exploring more of the emotional fallout of Jerome's revelation and how it affects Devonte and Latrice's relationship in future scenes.



Scene 21 -  The Eastman Family's Tumultuous Homecoming and Unresolved Conflict
INT. EASTMAN LIVING ROOM-NIGHT

The Eastman family returns home with expressions as if
they've just returned from war.
68.


DEVONTE
Wasn't that a fun little excursion? My
father outed himself to our entire
family after being brought back to
life for a second time. Your father
has a date at some place called
Roscoe's Crab Shack with my
grandmother next week. La'Shonda will
buy you a Telsa if you sleep with her.
Four people had to have their stomachs
pumped and our daughter definitely
knows where babies come from now!

JA'NIAH
I was so willing to wait on that.

DAKOTA
But at least your siblings like me!
Kalina even said that if I get into
another accident at work, she'd
represent me!

DEVONTE
You're not working anymore though.

DAKOTA
Actually, I got some offers to do some
'small renovations' for a few of your
fancy pants friends.

DEVONTE
Did you say yes?

DAKOTA
I didn't but it's nice to know the
work is there if I need to support my
family.

Grady looks at Dakota with pride.

DEVONTE
I'm going to put the kids to bed. I
expect you in ours shortly.

Devonte leads the kids upstairs. Grady plops on the couch and
turns on the TV.

GRADY
The Nuggets were beating The Heat
before we left the hospital, I wanna
see if they've maintained the lead!

Dakota turns off the TV.

GRADY
Hey! What's wrong with you?
69.


DAKOTA
It's been nice seeing you but you need
to go back to Colorado!

GRADY
You heard Dev's mom! I can stay at the
lakehouse!

DAKOTA
I'm not gonna let you stink up my in-
laws' house right when they're
starting to like me! Besides, you have
your own mountain cabin back home!

GRADY
Not anymore!

Grady exits into the kitchen.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary The Eastman family, including Devonte, Ja'Niah, Dakota, and Grady, return home after a chaotic event. Devonte shares the dramatic events that transpired, while Dakota reveals job offers and Grady's plan to stay at the lakehouse. Dakota, however, insists that Grady returns to Colorado. The main conflict lies in Grady wanting to stay, while Dakota firmly asks him to leave. The scene ends with Grady still intending to stay, leaving the conflict unresolved. The emotional tone of this scene is exhausted, overwhelmed, and conflicted.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Humorous moments
Weaknesses
  • Some moments may feel repetitive
  • Lack of intense emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, drama, and character development to create an engaging and entertaining narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family members coming together, dealing with past issues, and navigating new dynamics is well-executed. The scene also touches on themes of acceptance and personal growth.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the interactions between family members, revealing their personalities, conflicts, and growth. It moves the story forward by introducing and resolving conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on family relationships and personal struggles, with unique character interactions and unexpected plot developments. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, adding depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own personalities, motivations, and conflicts. Their interactions drive the scene and reveal deeper layers of their relationships.

Character Changes: 7

Some characters experience growth and change during the scene, particularly in their relationships and understanding of each other.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal in this scene is to assert his independence and provide for his family. This reflects his desire to be seen as capable and responsible, despite the challenges he faces.

External Goal: 7

Dakota's external goal is to maintain his relationship with Grady while also setting boundaries. He wants to protect his family and maintain his reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, primarily stemming from the generational differences and personal dynamics between the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the characters' interactions. Dakota and Grady's relationship is tested, adding depth to the conflict and emotional stakes.

High Stakes: 6

While there are personal stakes involved in the interactions between the characters, the overall stakes are not extremely high.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by developing the characters, resolving conflicts, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and revelations in the dialogue. The characters' actions and decisions keep the audience guessing and add depth to the story.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between family loyalty and personal independence. Dakota must navigate his relationships with his in-laws while also asserting his own autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to reflection, but the emotional impact is not overwhelmingly strong.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, witty, and reflective of the characters' personalities. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the interactions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, drama, and tension. The characters' interactions and conflicts draw the audience in, creating a sense of anticipation and emotional investment.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and action that maintains the tension and emotional impact. The rhythm of the scene enhances the character dynamics and conflict.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-paced and engaging, contributing to the overall effectiveness of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of dialogue and action, with clear character motivations and conflicts. The pacing and structure enhance the tension and emotional impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and direction, with multiple significant events and revelations being mentioned in quick succession without proper exploration or resolution.
  • The dialogue is overly expository, with characters stating facts and information rather than engaging in meaningful conversations.
  • The tone of the scene is inconsistent, shifting from humorous to dramatic to emotional without smooth transitions.
  • The pacing of the scene is rushed, with important plot points being mentioned and dismissed without giving the audience time to process their significance.
  • The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying, leaving the audience with unanswered questions and a sense of unresolved conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider breaking down the scene into smaller, more focused segments to allow for proper development and resolution of each plot point.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to be more natural and character-driven, allowing the characters to express their emotions and motivations through their words and actions.
  • Establish a consistent tone for the scene and use transitions to guide the audience through the emotional shifts.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene to give the audience time to absorb the information and connect with the characters.
  • Revise the ending of the scene to provide closure and resolution to at least some of the major conflicts raised.



Scene 22 -  Confrontation and Disappointment: Grady's Past Actions Come to Light
INT. EASTMAN KITCHEN-NIGHT

Grady grabs a beer from the fridge as Dakota enters.

DAKOTA
What do you mean? What happened?

GRADY
I needed a fortune to fix up that
place and I'm not exactly a man of
means Cody!

DAKOTA
You just abandoned it? You and mom
built that cabin by hand!

GRADY
I didn't abandon it, I sold it! Some
tech bro from California offered me 5
mil for it so I took it!

DAKOTA
You have 5 million dollars and you're
still living in a RV?

GRADY
Don't get too excited. After taxes and
paying off my debts on the house, I
got 2 million left.

DAKOTA
Dad that's still enough for you to
live anywhere but near me!

GRADY
I'm getting old Cody! I wanna be near
my kids!
70.


DAKOTA
Montana lives thirty minutes from you!

GRADY
She doesn't talk to me anymore, not
after she got married.

DAKOTA
She got married?

GRADY
Yeah to some rich Nigerian guy. He's a
doctor and a lawyer and he's got some
business back home he can't talk about
but the money's solid. I heard he's
got a big--

DAKOTA
I get it Dad. But this family, they're
not like folks back in Colorado. They
barely accepted me for being mixed!
But the reason for that is I don't
know shit about my Black side!

GRADY
And this is supposed to be my fault?

DAKOTA
You and mom never nurtured that part
of me! There's an entire history and
heritage that I never had any
connection to!

GRADY
Why's any of that stuff matter anyway?
I raised you not to see color!

DAKOTA
Being Black is more than just a color!
There's music, there's food, there's
in-jokes I'm finally now getting after
40 years! You've knocked up damn near
every Black woman in Colorado and yet
you don't care at all about the
community they come from! You're a
racial fetishist!

GRADY
C'mon Cody! You're being ridiculous!

DAKOTA
Did you know a Black man invented the
blood transfusion? Did you know that
slaves used to braid in escape routes
in each other's hair? Did you know
that Hennessy is nasty as hell but
niggas put it in everything? Neither
did I until I moved here! I shouldn't
71.


have had to come to Swishy Wakanda to
learn about where I come from! A
father who wanted their child to feel
like a whole human being would've
tried harder! My whole life I've felt
like a side of me was missing and I
tried to just shake it off! But now
I'm surrounded by people like me who
are doing big shit! They're doctors,
lawyers, casting directors, actual
directors--they're so much more than I
thought we could ever be! You never
instilled in me that I came from
people who did amazing things and I
could too!

GRADY
Why are you attacking me? I raised you
to be honest, hardworking man
regardless of color! So you didn't get
to grow up eating hog maws and
watching Good Times! Who cares? You're
better off than a lot of the Tyrones
and DeShawns out there! You're not
walking around here nappy headed and
fish lipped with nothing to show for
themselves! You turned out alright in
the end, didn't ya?

Dakota stares at his father as a realization dawns upon his
face.

DAKOTA
I need you to go.

GRADY
Right after I finish my--

DAKOTA
No, now!

GRADY
You're kicking me out? Is this how you
treat a father?

DAKOTA
You were never there for me! You were
too busy chasing every piece of
melenated tail you could find! You
weren't there for any of your kids but
you sure loved making us!

GRADY
You never wanted for anything!
Whatever you needed, I gave you!

DAKOTA
I saw you ten times in my life after
72.


the divorce! You didn't start showing
up until I made enough money for you
to ask for a cut!

GRADY
It's called trickle-down economics!
The money of the son should falter to
the father!

Dakota opens the kitchen door.

DAKOTA
Go

GRADY
But Cody--

DAKOTA
GO!

GRADY
I'm your father!

DAKOTA
But you were never my dad!

Grady takes one long last look at Dakota and then exits.
Dakota closes the door and slides down it as he cries.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Eastman Kitchen at night, Grady reveals to Dakota that he sold the family cabin and moved closer to his kids. Dakota is upset about the cabin and Grady's lack of involvement in his life. The two get into an emotional argument about race, heritage, and Grady's past actions, which remains unresolved. The scene ends with Dakota crying as Grady exits the kitchen after being kicked out.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intense conflict
  • Realistic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is powerful, emotionally charged, and pivotal in the character development of Dakota. It effectively conveys the complex dynamics between father and son, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring identity, heritage, and the impact of parental abandonment is compelling and well-executed in this scene. It adds depth to the characters and drives the emotional intensity of the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the emotional conflict between Dakota and his father, Grady. It serves as a crucial moment in their relationship, revealing deep-seated issues and setting the stage for character growth.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on cultural identity, family dynamics, and generational conflicts, offering authentic character interactions and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Dakota and Grady are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic and emotionally resonant. The scene effectively showcases their conflicting emotions and inner turmoil.

Character Changes: 9

Dakota undergoes a significant emotional transformation in this scene, confronting his father and coming to terms with his own identity and heritage. The confrontation leads to a moment of realization and growth for the character.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal is to confront his father about his neglect and lack of cultural connection, seeking validation and understanding of his identity and heritage.

External Goal: 7

Grady's external goal is to maintain a relationship with his son and justify his actions, despite facing rejection and criticism.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Dakota and Grady is intense and emotionally charged, driving the emotional core of the scene. It creates a sense of tension and drama that keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition between the characters is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values driving the emotional conflict and character development.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Dakota confronts his father and confronts his own identity and heritage. The emotional intensity and personal revelations raise the stakes for the characters and the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between Dakota and Grady, setting the stage for further character development and narrative progression. It reveals crucial insights into the characters' motivations and relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character dynamics and conflicts, but the emotional depth and raw dialogue keep the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the importance of cultural heritage and identity, contrasting Grady's colorblind approach with Dakota's desire for connection and acknowledgment of his Black heritage.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking strong feelings of anger, regret, and resentment. The raw and vulnerable moments between Dakota and Grady resonate with the audience, creating a powerful emotional connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and impactful, capturing the emotional tension between Dakota and Grady. It effectively conveys their conflicting perspectives and adds depth to their characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense emotional conflicts, authentic character interactions, and relatable themes of family and identity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, allowing for moments of reflection and intense character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for its genre, enhancing readability and clarity of character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear character motivations and conflicts, effectively building tension and emotional impact.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with a clear conflict and emotional depth. The dialogue is natural and engaging, and the characters' perspectives are well-established.
  • However, there are some moments where the dialogue feels a bit heavy-handed, particularly when Grady is explaining his financial situation. It might be more effective to show rather than tell in this instance.
  • Additionally, the scene could benefit from more visual description to help set the tone and create a stronger sense of place. For example, describing the kitchen in more detail or the expressions on the characters' faces could add depth to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the scene, such as sounds, smells, or textures, to help bring the reader into the space.
  • Explore the possibility of using subtext in the dialogue to convey the characters' emotions and motivations, rather than relying solely on direct exposition.
  • Consider adding a beat or two of silence after Dakota asks Grady to leave, to emphasize the weight of the moment and give the reader a chance to absorb the impact of their conversation.



Scene 23 -  Latrice Confronts Jerome About His Infidelity
INT. IN-LAWS KITCHEN-DAY

Latrice is alone cooking breakfast for herself. The usually
elegant woman is without a wig or makeup. Jerome enters using
a walker. He stands in the doorway and observes her. He can't
think of what to say.

LATRICE
Are you gonna just stand there or are
you gonna sit down?

Jerome takes a seat. Latrice presents him a plate and he
starts eating. She goes back to cooking.

JEROME
Latrice--

LATRICE
If you're gonna say what I think you
will, save it.

JEROME
But we should talk--

LATRICE
No, we shouldn't. Eat your eggs
Jerome.

Latrice fixes herself a plate and sits down to eat. Jerome
73.


stares at her with eyes begging to speak.

LATRICE
Why do you always have to pick an open
wound? Is it not enough that my
children had to hear their father
admit he's been a closeted homosexual
on his deathbed? Is it not enough that
I have to see reports of your
'announcement' on the news? Is it not
enough that people I haven't talked to
in decades are reaching out with
curiosity disguised as sympathy? Can I
simply eat in peace?

Jerome and Latrice eat in silence.

LATRICE
Also, I knew.

JEROME
How?

LATRICE
You're asking me how when I've been
witness to the parade of young men,
some of them underage, in and out of
our home like it's a Motel 6 in a
particularly seedy party of town!

JEROME
It was never my intention to embarrass
you!

Latrice laughs as she continues to eat.

JEROME
I hid it as well I could!

LATRICE
You slept with the caterer on our
wedding night! You slept with the
doctor who delivered our first child!
You slept with our gardener and his
son! You only ever cared about keeping
up the illusion!

JEROME
Then why do you stay?

LATRICE
Because you're my husband, that's what
you do.

JEROME
Then you can't blame me if you're the
one who chose to stay!
74.


LATRICE
You could've chosen to be faithful!
You could've chosen to be honest! You
could've chosen not marry me and put
through all of this bullshit to begin
with! Do you know what would've
happened to my career if I would've
divorced my husband? I would've become
irrelevant overnight! You knew this
but you kept putting me in that
situation anyway! I wanted to leave
you! You don't think I wanted to know
men who wanted to be with a woman?

Latrice stands up.

LATRICE
We haven't had sex since Devonte was
born! But unlike you, I can't go and
sow my wild oats because when I do it,
then it's wrong!

Jerome gets to his feet.

JEROME
I didn't want to be miserable forever!

LATRICE
So you made my life hell instead?
Thanks!

JEROME
Then what is it you want to do?

Latrice falls silent as she thinks.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the kitchen of Latrice's in-laws' house, Latrice cooks breakfast while Jerome enters using a walker. After serving him eggs, they eat in silence before Latrice reveals that she knew about his infidelity and stayed in the marriage for her career. This leads to an argument about his lack of honesty and his infidelity with underage men. The scene ends with them still arguing, as the conflict remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Raw emotional dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, delving into the emotional core of the characters and revealing layers of complexity in their relationships. The tension and confrontational nature of the dialogue keep the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the hidden truths and unspoken resentments within a long-standing marriage is executed effectively, adding depth and emotional weight to the scene. The raw emotions and confrontational dialogue enhance the concept, making it a compelling and thought-provoking exploration of relationships.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the revelation of hidden truths and unspoken resentments between the characters, driving the emotional conflict and tension. The unfolding drama adds layers to the overall narrative, deepening the complexity of the relationships and characters.

Originality: 8

The scene explores familiar themes of infidelity and betrayal but presents them in a fresh and authentic way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and relatable, adding to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and complex, each harboring deep-seated emotions and unspoken truths. The dynamic between Latrice and Jerome is rich with history and tension, adding depth to their interactions and revealing layers of their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Both Latrice and Jerome undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, as they confront their hidden truths and unspoken resentments. The raw and honest exchanges lead to a deeper understanding of their characters and relationships, driving personal growth and emotional development.

Internal Goal: 9

Latrice's internal goal is to confront Jerome about his infidelity and the impact it has had on her life. She wants to express her hurt and anger while also grappling with her own feelings of betrayal and disappointment.

External Goal: 8

Latrice's external goal is to maintain a facade of normalcy and composure while dealing with the emotional turmoil caused by Jerome's actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, driven by the emotional tension and confrontational dialogue between Latrice and Jerome. The unspoken resentments and hidden truths create a palpable sense of conflict, adding depth and intensity to the scene.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and beliefs driving the conflict between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension and drama of the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are high, as the characters confront their hidden truths and unspoken resentments, risking the stability of their long-standing marriage. The emotional tension and confrontational dialogue raise the stakes, adding intensity and drama to the unfolding narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters and their relationships. The emotional conflict and tension drive the narrative, adding depth and complexity to the overall plot and character development.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and emotional outbursts from the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around honesty, fidelity, and the sacrifices made in a marriage. Latrice and Jerome have conflicting views on what it means to be faithful and honest in a relationship, leading to a clash of values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong feelings of anger, resentment, and betrayal from the audience. The raw emotions and confrontational exchanges between the characters create a powerful and intense atmosphere, drawing viewers into the emotional core of the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is intense, emotional, and confrontational, effectively conveying the deep-seated emotions and unspoken resentments between the characters. The raw and honest exchanges enhance the tension and drama, driving the scene forward and engaging the audience.

Engagement: 10

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict between the characters, the raw and authentic dialogue, and the deep exploration of complex relationships.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and emotion leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a natural progression of conflict and resolution, building tension and emotion effectively. The dialogue and actions flow seamlessly, contributing to the overall impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with strong dialogue and character development, but it could benefit from more visual and sensory details to bring the setting and characters to life.
  • The pacing is a bit slow and could be improved by tightening up the dialogue and reducing repetitive elements.
  • The scene could also benefit from more emotional depth and complexity, particularly in the character of Jerome, who comes off as one-dimensional in his desire to justify his infidelity.
Suggestions
  • Add more sensory details to the scene, such as the smell of breakfast cooking or the sound of sizzling bacon, to make the setting more immersive.
  • Consider cutting some of the repetitive dialogue or summarizing it in a more concise way to improve the pacing.
  • Develop Jerome's character further by exploring his motivations for infidelity and his feelings about the end of his marriage.
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue to create a deeper emotional connection with the audience and add complexity to the scene.



Scene 24 -  The Eastman Family Announces a Life-Changing Decision
INT. EASTMAN LIVING ROOM-DAY

JaQuan, Kalina, Demetria and Devonte are all lined up on the
couch as Latrice and Jerome break the news to them.

LATRICE
With your father's recent epiphany,
we've decided to part ways.

DEVONTE
You're both in your 70's! Do you think
there's some red-hot singles scene
waiting for you out there?

JAQUAN
He's got a point. Wouldn't it be
easier to just 'wait it out'?

LATRICE
They gave your father the same pig
valve they gave Dick Cheney. He's
gonna outlive the cockroaches and I'm
75.


too old to go to prison for murder.

JEROME
The women in your mother's family
lives well into their hundreds. The
bitterness is what keeps them strong!

Latrice cuts her eyes at Jerome.

LATRICE
At any rate, this won't change how we
raise you kids!

DEMETRIA
I'm in my 40's!

LATRICE
Yet you dress like you're a color
blind 15-year-old.

Demetria covers herself with a throw pillow.

LATRICE
See? The job never stops! Honestly,
you kids were the best thing that came
out of this marriage!

JEROME
She's right! If we didn't have you, we
would've divorced 40 years ago!

LATRICE
Make it 45, you slept with my brother.

JEROME
I only slept with Darnell the one
time!

LATRICE
God, you boinked Darnell too?

KALINA
Who's going to be handling your
separation?

JEROME
We were thinking you could do it.

DEVONTE
Mama, that's insane! You can't ask
your daughter to--

Kalina runs to Latrice's side.

KALINA
He wasted almost 50 years of your life
and slept with anything with a dick
and a pulse! We're gonna take this
76.


closet case for everything he's got!
I'm talking overseas properties, stock
shares, book and film residuals--the
whole nine!

JEROME
I'll pay you twice what she'll give
you.

Kalina runs to Jerome's side.

KALINA
She forced you to hide your truth self
for almost 50 years and made you
wallow in the darkness with whatever
unwashed heathen you met at a truck
stop! When I'm done, she'll have to
buy her wigs from a habibi cornerstone
or the back of someone's truck!

DEVONTE
Kalina, sit your ass down. You're not
divorcing our parents.

Devonte gets between Latrice and Jerome.

DEVONTE
Isn't there some way for you to talk
this out?

LATRICE
I have nothing more to say to him. I'd
like to spend whatever time I have
left on this Earth being happy, not
being his beard!

JEROME
Also, I'm in good shape for 74--

DEVONTE
You have a pig's heart in your chest!

JEROME
Outside of that, I'm still hot! I'd
like to capitalize on that while I can
still get it up!

JAQUAN
You can still get it up 'unassisted'?

DEVONTE
Why are you asking him this?

JAQUAN
I'm almost 50, it'd be nice to know
what's coming.
77.


KALINA
I know an excellent divorce attorney,
he handled my first marriage. I'll
give you his number.

LATRICE
Is he attractive? I'd rather not have
your father use his sensuality to tip
the scales in his favor!

DEVONTE
Mama, that's ridiculous! Daddy would
never--

KALINA
I'll find you a female attorney.

LATRICE AND JEROME
Good idea.

Kalina and her parents discuss the details while the other
siblings look on in shock.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Latrice and Jerome Eastman announce their separation to their children JaQuan, Kalina, Demetria, and Devonte. The news is met with shock and disbelief, as the siblings struggle to accept the change. Kalina steps up to manage the situation, offering to handle the separation details, while Devonte tries to mediate the conflict between his parents. The scene takes place in the Eastman living room, and the tension is palpable as the family grapples with this emotional news.
Strengths
  • Sharp and witty dialogue
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Exploration of family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of humor may not resonate with all audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor with drama, creating an engaging and emotionally resonant moment. The dialogue is sharp and witty, keeping the audience entertained while also delving into deeper family dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family divorce announcement is relatable yet presented in a unique and humorous way. The scene effectively explores the impact of the parents' separation on the siblings and delves into themes of honesty, betrayal, and family relationships.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the announcement of the parents' divorce and the siblings' reactions to it. While the plot is straightforward, the engaging dialogue and character interactions elevate the scene and keep the audience invested.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and original take on the theme of family dysfunction and separation, with authentic character interactions and unexpected plot twists.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and each has a distinct personality that shines through in their dialogue and interactions. The witty banter between the siblings and the emotional depth of the parents add layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and revelations contribute to a deeper understanding of the characters' personalities and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with their parents' separation and navigate the complex emotions and family dynamics that arise from it.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the logistics of their parents' separation and ensure a fair outcome for both parties.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene primarily stems from the announcement of the parents' divorce and the reactions of the siblings. While the conflict is more emotional and internal, it drives the character interactions and adds depth to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotional conflicts that create obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively high for the characters as they navigate the emotional impact of their parents' divorce and the potential changes in their family dynamics. The scene sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the parents' decision to divorce and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions. The interactions between the characters also provide insight into their motivations and dynamics.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations and character dynamics that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on marriage, family, and personal integrity. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about loyalty, honesty, and self-respect.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions from the audience, including amusement, resentment, and empathy. The emotional depth of the characters and the relatable family dynamics create a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is the highlight of the scene, blending humor, sarcasm, and emotional depth seamlessly. The sharp wit and banter between the characters create a dynamic and engaging atmosphere.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, drama, and emotional depth, keeping the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced structure that effectively builds tension and reveals character dynamics, fitting the genre expectations.


Critique
  • Consider whether the argument between Latrice and Jerome is necessary for the plot. While their separation is a significant event, it's not clear how this argument advances the story or character development. If it can be replaced, consider removing it to streamline the scene and make it more focused.
Suggestions
  • Instead of having Jerome mention his infidelity to Latrice, consider revealing it through a flashback or a conversation between Jerome and another character. This would allow the revelation to have a more significant impact and give the audience a deeper understanding of the situation.



Scene 25 -  Reassurance and a Promise to Quit Drinking
INT. EASTMAN MASTER BEDROOM-NIGHT

Dakota is watching TV when Devonte returns home with a plate
wrapped in aluminum foil.

DAKOTA
How was the divorce thingy for your
parents?

DEVONTE
Amicable. They both got what they
wanted. Mom's keeping the family home.
Dad's moving into the lakehouse.

DAKOTA
My father's in the lakehouse.

DEVONTE
Why do you think he requested it?

Dakota points to the plate.

DAKOTA
What's that?

DEVONTE
There was a small champagne reception
to commemorate the occasion.

Devonte gives Dakota the plate who then examines it.

DAKOTA
Small reception my ass! There's enough
food here to feed a small village!
78.


DEVONTE
There was a buffet, but Usher's backup
singers killed most of it.

DAKOTA
Usher was there?

DEVONTE
Mama had him to sing 'Burn' as they
signed the paperwork.

Devonte plops onto the bed and stares at the ceiling.

DEVONTE
I can't believe my parents are
divorced!

DAKOTA
Me neither. If I was your mother, I'd
just wait him out.

DEVONTE
That's what I'm saying! The one
consistent thing in my life has been
that my parents were together! Now I
don't even have that!

DAKOTA
Babe you're 35, not 15. Why are you
taking it so hard?

DEVONTE
Because to me they always had the
perfect marriage!

DAKOTA
Eh.

Devonte sits up.

DEVONTE
What do you mean 'eh'?

DAKOTA
In hindsight, the signs were there.

DEVONTE
What do you mean?

DAKOTA
At our wedding, your dad said 'your
buttocks look stronger than
Eisenhower's chin in those pants'.

DEVONTE
God, really?
79.


DAKOTA
Before we left for our honeymoon, he
said 'you better give my son the best
strokes of his life!'

DEVONTE
What did you say?

DAKOTA
Sir, yes Sir!

Devonte looks at Dakota like he's crazy.

DAKOTA
He outranks me!

Devonte plops onto Dakota's lap.

DEVONTE
The past two months of all this
divorce business has weighed on me!
What if we're not as solid as we think
either?

DAKOTA
Is that what this is all about? Dev
just because your parents got divorced
doesn't mean we'll break up!

DEVONTE
Your parents got divorced too!

DAKOTA
Have you met my father? You can't
exactly blame my mom for that!

DEVONTE
My parents were different people!
We're very different people!

DAKOTA
Your father was so far into the closet
he was 69'ing Mr. Tumnus and your
mother spent most of her marriage on
the road! You can't compare that to
us! They never spoke to each other
about their issues! You never shut the
hell up about yours!

Dakota sits Devonte up and starts rubbing his shoulders.

DAKOTA
We have a much better sex life than
your parents! Hell, we have a sex
life!

Dakota starts kissing on Devonte's neck and putting his hands
down Devonte's shirt.
80.


DEVONTE
My mother said that if it wasn't for
the kids, they would've split years
ago.

DAKOTA
Your parents are so old they still
have their freedom papers! That
generation never split unless they
absolutely had to, especially if they
had kids.

Devonte falls silent as he thinks.

DEVONTE
Do you ever miss being with women?

DAKOTA
What? No!

DEVONTE
Be honest with me. There's only so
much another man can do for you!

Dakota gets up and starts putting on his robe and slippers.

DAKOTA
Are we really having this discussion?

DEVONTE
My father's repressed sexuality caused
him to act out! What if you're
repressing your latent desire for
vagina?

DAKOTA
I'm with you because I want to be with
you! You're taking this divorce too
personally! We're not your parents!

Dakota stands up and heads for the door.

DAKOTA
If you excuse me, I need my post-
argument beer!

Dakota reaches for the door when Devonte grabs his hand.

DEVONTE
I think you drink too much!

DAKOTA
Where is this coming from?

DEVONTE
My mother said that she held her
tongue too long and that's what made
things worse. I'm going to be more
81.


vocal about what's bothering me. What
bothers me is that you drink all the
time!

DAKOTA
I do not drink all the time, only some
of the time! I'm not slinging a cold
one back 24/7!

DEVONTE
Your clothes always smell like beer. I
wore one of your shirts and the twins
came running to me thinking I was you.

DAKOTA
If you had to take care of three kids
and a house then you'd--

DEVONTE
I did both of those and worked from
home when we were in Denver and I
still only drank at parties.

DAKOTA
That's true. You only buy it when--

DAKOTA DEVONTE
I ask you to. You ask me to.

DAKOTA
Has it gotten that bad?

DEVONTE
I've been wanting to say something,
but I didn't want to hurt your
feelings. You know I've been down that
road myself. I see you speeding down
that way and it terrifies me!

Dakota sits on the bed.

DAKOTA
I'll quit.

DEVONTE
What? Really?

DAKOTA
I don't want the kids to see me drunk
anymore. I grew up seeing my dad
constantly lost in the sauce. That's
half the reason my sister stopped
talking to him and that's most of the
reason why I did. I don't want that
for our kids.

Devonte sits down and holds Dakota.
82.


DEVONTE
Bae, I'm so proud of you! This is a
great first step!

DAKOTA
Besides, if I'm sober that gives me
more energy to make look to the
bodacious booty of yours!

Devonte tries to stifle a laugh.

DAKOTA
Too much?

DEVONTE
A little.

Devonte kisses Dakota and pulls him into bed. They start
taking their clothes off.

DAKOTA
Oh wait!

Dakota plays some music on his phone.

JA'NIAH V/O
THANK YOU!

Dakota and Devonte go back to kissing.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Dakota and Devonte have a serious conversation about Devonte's fear of their relationship being impacted by his parents' divorce and Dakota's drinking habits. Dakota reassures Devonte and agrees to quit drinking for the sake of their children. The scene takes place in the Eastman master bedroom at night and ends with them starting to kiss, with music playing in the background.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some cliched dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines emotional depth, humor, and character development, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the impact of divorce on a relationship, addressing alcoholism, and showcasing personal growth is well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the aftermath of Devonte's parents' divorce and the conversation between Devonte and Dakota, providing insight into their relationship dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring relationship dynamics and personal struggles through witty dialogue and realistic character interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Devonte and Dakota are well-developed, with their vulnerabilities and strengths coming to the forefront in a meaningful way.

Character Changes: 8

Both Devonte and Dakota show growth and vulnerability in the scene, leading to positive changes in their relationship and personal lives.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his parents' divorce and its impact on his own relationship. This reflects his deeper fear of losing stability and security in his own life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to address his partner's drinking habits and express his concerns about it. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining a healthy relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict mainly revolves around internal struggles and past experiences, adding depth to the characters and their relationship dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, keeping the audience uncertain about the outcome of the characters' struggles.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are mainly internal, focusing on personal growth, communication, and addressing past traumas.

Story Forward: 7

The scene provides insight into the characters' past experiences and personal struggles, moving the story forward in terms of character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in dialogue and character revelations that keep the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's fear of repeating his parents' mistakes and his partner's concern about his drinking habits. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about relationships and personal growth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, especially in the heartfelt conversation between Devonte and Dakota.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, emotional, and reflective, capturing the essence of the characters' thoughts and feelings.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, humor, and relatable character dynamics that draw the audience into the personal struggles of the protagonists.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth through well-timed dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear dialogue attribution and scene descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and character development, adhering to the expected structure for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene's dialogue is strong and engaging, but the pacing could be improved. There are long stretches of dialogue without any action or visual elements, which can make the scene feel static. Consider interspersing the dialogue with more action or visual descriptions to keep the scene dynamic.
  • The scene's emotional tone is well-established, but the characters' motivations and reactions could be more nuanced. For example, Devonte's fear of his parents' divorce affecting his own relationship with Dakota could be explored in more depth. Similarly, Dakota's response to Devonte's concerns about his drinking could be more thoughtful and empathetic.
  • The scene's setting is well-described, but the characters' movements and actions within the space could be more specific. For example, instead of simply having Devonte plop onto the bed, describe how he collapses onto the mattress with a sigh. This kind of specificity can make the scene feel more grounded and real.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions and action beats to the scene to break up the dialogue and keep the pacing brisk. For example, you could describe Dakota getting up to pour himself a beer or Devonte pacing around the room as he talks.
  • Explore the characters' motivations and reactions in more depth. For example, you could have Devonte express his fears about his parents' divorce affecting his own relationship, or have Dakota respond with empathy and understanding.
  • Add more specificity to the characters' movements and actions within the space. Instead of simply having them sit or stand, describe how they move and interact with the space around them. This can make the scene feel more dynamic and engaging.



Scene 26 -  A Hostile Encounter
INT. EASTMAN VAN-NIGHT

Dakota is driving along the highway as he's bopping and
singing along to some alternative rock song only white people
would care about. He sees police lights in the rear-view
mirror.

DAKOTA
Ah God, what now?

Dakota pulls over and the officer steps over to the window.

HIGHWAY DEPUTY
Hey there buddy! You got a busted tail
out back!

DAKOTA
Aw really? I used to let my father
drive this so he probably dinged it
up!

HIGHWAY DEPUTY
You were also going pretty darn fast!

DAKOTA
Sorry about that! I'm in a rush to get
to my kids!
83.


HIGHWAY DEPUTY
I understand entirely! I've got two
little girls myself! Lemme just see
your license and registration to make
sure everything's straight and you're
good to go!

Dakota hands the officer his information. The officer stares
at his license.

DAKOTA
Is something wrong?

HIGHWAY DEPUTY
Dakota Marquise Eastman?

Dakota fidgets nervously as the officer is becoming more
visibly hostile.

DAKOTA
My mother was half--

HIGHWAY DEPUTY
Step out of the car please.

DAKOTA
I'm sorry--what?

HIGHWAY DEPUTY
OUT OF THE CAR NOW!

EXT. HIGHWAY-NIGHT

The officer pulls open the door and grabs Dakota out of the
car. Dakota gets to his feet to see a gun pointed at him.

DAKOTA
Aw nigga no! Why you gotta--

HIGHWAY DEPUTY
PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE CAR AND IN THE
AIR WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!

DAKOTA
Do you want me to touch the car or the
air?

HIGHWAY DEPUTY
ONCE AGAIN, PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE CAR
AND IN THE AIR AND HAND ME YOUR
REGISTRATION FOR THIS VEHICLE!

DAKOTA
What the--how am I supposed to do all
three? Do you think I stole this car?

HIGHWAY DEPUTY
Black guy in a neighborhood like this
84.


driving in a car that costs more than
my house? Who's to say?

DAKOTA
You thought I was white 45 seconds
ago!

HIGHWAY DEPUTY
I didn't know you were incognergo!

The officer fires a warning shot.

HIGHWAY DEPUTY
HANDS ON THE CAR AND IN THE AIR AND
ONE FOOT UP AND RECITE THE ALPHABET IN
SPANISH!

DAKOTA
I'm not drunk--do you just want an
excuse to kill me?

HIGHWAY DEPUTY
YES!

INT. JAQUAN SQUAD CAR-NIGHT

JaQuan is driving home when he sees someone pulled over ahead
of him. He leans in to see it's Dakota.

JAQUAN
It was only a matter of time!

EXT. HIGHWAY

JaQuan pulls up and exits the vehicle. The officer points the
gun at him until JaQuan shows him his badge.

JAQUAN
What'd he do?

HIGHWAY DEPUTY
HE'S BLACK BUT HE LOOKS WHITE AND I'M
SCARED AND THE MEDS ARE WEARING OFF!

JAQUAN
Listen Officer--

Jaquan reads the officer's badge.

JAQUAN
Wimberly, is it? Why don't you put the
gun away, return to your vehicle and
drive as fast and as far from here as
you can!

HIGHWAY DEPUTY
BUT SIR HE'S NOT ONE OF THE GOOD ONES
LIKE YOU!
85.


JAQUAN
Son if you don't give up now, you're
gonna be the focus of more protests
than BP after an oil spill and it'll
be just as black! Put the gun away, go
home for the night and maybe consider
working from home!

The officer withdraws his gun, returns to his car and exits.

JAQUAN
You alright?

DAKOTA
Thanks to you! I thought I was deader
than dead!

JAQUAN
Eh these white boys out here get
startled easily. You gotta know how to
play to 'em.

DAKOTA
I appreciate you JaQuan!

Dakota hugs JaQuan who is hesitant but hugs him back.

JAQUAN
You're welcome Dakota.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Dakota, a Black man, is pulled over by a hostile highway deputy for a busted tail light and speeding. The situation escalates until JaQuan, another Black cop and a friend of Dakota's, drives by and de-escalates the situation. JaQuan's arrival brings a sense of relief and friendship to the tense scene.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and tension
  • Social commentary on racial discrimination
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come across as overly dramatic or exaggerated

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor with tension and addresses important social issues, making it engaging and thought-provoking.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of racial profiling and police discrimination is effectively portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Dakota faces a challenging situation, showcasing his resilience and the impact of racial bias.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and authentic portrayal of racial profiling and police brutality, with unique character interactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Dakota and the police officer are well-developed characters with contrasting personalities, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Dakota undergoes a moment of realization and resilience in the face of discrimination, showcasing growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal is to survive the encounter with the police officer and protect himself from harm. This reflects his fear of being a victim of racial discrimination and violence.

External Goal: 7

Dakota's external goal is to avoid getting arrested or harmed by the police officer. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Dakota and the police officer escalates the tension and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the police officer's actions creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of racial profiling and potential danger add intensity to the scene, keeping the audience on edge.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by highlighting the challenges faced by the characters and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected escalation of tension and the dark humor used to address serious issues.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between racial stereotypes and prejudices held by the police officer and the reality of Dakota's identity. It challenges Dakota's beliefs about justice and equality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to anxiety, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reflective of the characters' emotions and the tense situation they are in.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its high stakes, tension, and social relevance. The conflict keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear action lines and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a tense confrontation, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene is somewhat formulaic, relying on familiar stereotypes and tropes, which may hinder its overall impact and originality.
  • The dialogue between Dakota and the Highway Deputy lacks nuance and depth, as it primarily focuses on exchanges related to race and Dakota's appearance.
  • The sudden appearance of Jaquan, a Black police officer, feels somewhat convenient and may weaken the tension built in the scene.
  • The scene's resolution, where Jaquan convinces the Highway Deputy to stand down, lacks a sense of genuine conflict and tension.
  • The scene's conclusion, where Dakota and Jaquan embrace, feels somewhat forced and undermines the serious nature of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Explore deeper motivations and conflicts between the characters, delving into their personal biases and fears to create a more emotionally resonant scene.
  • Consider adding unexpected twists or turns to the storyline to enhance its originality and keep the reader engaged.
  • Craft dialogue that is both authentic and insightful, reflecting the characters' emotions and perspectives in a meaningful way.
  • Develop the scene's conflict in a more nuanced manner, allowing for a gradual escalation of tension and a satisfying resolution.
  • Explore the aftermath of the encounter between Dakota and the Highway Deputy, examining the emotional toll it takes on both characters.



Scene 27 -  Devonte and Dakota's Night Out with Past Tensions Unresolved
INT. EASTMAN MASTER BEDROOM-NIGHT

Devonte is getting ready to go out as he checks himself in
the mirror.

DEVONTE
Are you ready yet?

INT. TWINS ROOM-NIGHT

The twins are running around the room and Dakota is
struggling to keep up with them.

DAKOTA
I'm working on it! Ja'Niah come help
me!

JA'NIAH V/O
I didn't birth them!

DEVONTE V/O
La'Shonda and LaDarius are already
there waiting for us!

DAKOTA
It's a twenty minute drive, I think
they can survive! Didn't you call a
sitter?
86.


The twins start throwing things at Dakota.

INT. EASTMAN MASTER BEDROOM

Devonte is touching up his makeup. We see Dakota chasing the
twins around the hallway in the background.

DEVONTE
I tried but everyone else was booked
and my mother's currently at some
vaginal rejuvenation retreat for Black
women over 60.

DAKOTA
Then who'd you get?

There's a knock from downstairs.

INT. EASTMAN LIVING ROOM-NIGHT

Dakota runs downstairs to get the door and is greeted by
Grady.

GRADY
Evening son.

DAKOTA
What are you doing here?

GRADY
I'm here to spend time with my
grandchildren while you two go watch a
French clown blow himself.

Devonte comes downstairs.

DEVONTE
I asked him to watch the kids, we were
out of options.

Dakota pulls Devonte to the side.

DAKOTA
You know how I feel about him being
alone with them!

DEVONTE
It was either him or my aunt who keeps
trying to introduce me to women!

Devonte crosses to Grady.

DEVONTE
Make sure Ja'Niah's in bed by 9 and
the twins can't have anymore sugar.

GRADY
But I made brownies!
87.


DEVONTE
If you wanna deal with two pint sized
crackheads, be my guest.

Devonte exits with Dakota following him while giving Grady
the side-eye.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the chaotic Eastman household, Devonte prepares for a night out while checking himself in the mirror. The twins' rowdy behavior causes Dakota to struggle, but Grady's arrival to watch the kids brings a glimmer of hope. As Devonte and Dakota leave for their outing, Dakota remains hesitant due to past issues with Grady, leading to a heated argument. Despite their unresolved conflicts, they leave Grady with the kids, hoping for the best.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective blend of humor and tension
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Character changes could be more pronounced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, tension, and family drama to create an engaging and entertaining dynamic.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of family relationships and generational differences is well-executed, providing depth and conflict to the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses through the interactions between characters, revealing underlying tensions and conflicts within the family.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on family dynamics and childcare challenges, with authentic dialogue and relatable situations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are hints of character growth and change, it is not the central focus of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Devonte's internal goal is to ensure that the children are taken care of while he goes out, reflecting his desire for a worry-free night and his fear of leaving the kids with someone he doesn't trust.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to go out and have a good time, which is challenged by the need to find a suitable babysitter.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict present in the scene, primarily stemming from the interactions between characters and their differing viewpoints.

Opposition: 8

The opposition between Devonte and Dakota, as well as their differing opinions on childcare, creates a strong conflict that drives the scene.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in the scene, primarily revolving around family dynamics and relationships.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters, their relationships, and the underlying conflicts within the family.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected arrival of Grady and the ensuing conflict over childcare.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around trust and family dynamics, as Devonte and Dakota have differing opinions on who should watch the children.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to tension, but the emotional impact is not overwhelmingly strong.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the characters' relationships and emotions effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the fast-paced dialogue, humorous interactions, and relatable family dynamics.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a domestic comedy genre, with clear character motivations and conflict.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt and doesn't provide enough context for the reader to understand why Grady is suddenly at the Eastman residence.
  • The dialogue between Dakota and Devonte about finding a sitter is unrealistic, as they don't seem to have considered any other options before resorting to asking Grady.
  • The reason given for Grady being the only available babysitter, that Latrice is at a 'vaginal rejuvenation retreat for Black women over 60', is highly specific and distracting.
  • The conflict between Dakota and Devonte about Grady being alone with the twins is not fully developed or resolved.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or transition to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Provide a smoother transition from the previous scene by establishing the time and location of the Eastman residence and explaining why Grady is there.
  • Make the dialogue between Dakota and Devonte more realistic by having them consider other options for babysitting before resorting to asking Grady.
  • Consider removing or modifying the specific reason given for Latrice being unavailable to babysit.
  • Develop the conflict between Dakota and Devonte about Grady being alone with the twins by exploring their concerns and finding a compromise.
  • Add a clear resolution or transition to the next scene to provide a sense of closure and continuity.



Scene 28 -  Late Arrival at Cirque de Ebony: Discussing Afrofuturism and Atlanta's Political Future
INT. CIRQUE DE EBONY LOBBY-NIGHT

Devonte and Dakota enter and cross to La'Shonda and LADARIUS,
a mid-40's handsome Black male with a 'shake hands, kiss
babies' politician vibe, who are having drinks.

DEVONTE
Sorry we're late! The kids weren't
cooperating!

LA'SHONDA
Why don't you just have the maids give
them Nyquil popsicles like we do?

DAKOTA
Because we'd like them to not write
tell-all books about us in 20 years.

DEVONTE
Has it started yet?

LA'SHONDA
Not yet, but they've started showing
people to their seats.

DAKOTA
I'm confused, what exactly is this
again?

LA'SHONDA
It's the Black man's answer to Cirque
du Soleil.

DAKOTA
What is it then? A bunch of brothas
squeezed into latex crumping on wires
to trap music?

LA'SHONDA
No that was last year's show. This
year is an ode to Afrofuturism!

LADARIUS
I don't think we've met! I'm Devonte's
cousin LaDarius Braithwaite, you may
have heard I'm running for mayor.

DAKOTA
I've definitely been told that you'd
tell me you were.
88.


LADARIUS
Have you two registered to vote in
Georgia yet?

LA'SHONDA
Not now Darius.

LADARIUS
Quiet woman. Dakota, this upcoming
election is one of the most pivotal
ones in our lifetimes. We will be
choosing the direction--no, the
destiny of our city and our nation for
generations!

DAKOTA
I had no idea the Mayor of Atlanta was
so important!

DEVONTE
It's like homebase for negroes here.
He's like T'Challa in Timbs if he
wins.

LADARIUS
You jest but I want to make Atlanta
the real life Wakanda in all the ways
that count!

LA'SHONDA
Great, when are you bringing in the
CIA?

The ushers start gesturing to them.

LA'SHONDA
Thank God!

La'Shonda latches onto Dakota as the enter the theater.
Devonte and LaDarius both catch onto her body language.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Devonte and Dakota join La'Shonda and Ladarius in the Cirque de Ebony lobby for drinks before the show. The group, which includes family members and a mayoral candidate, shares a lighthearted and humorous conversation about the start of the Afrofuturism-themed show and Ladarius' campaign. Ladarius promotes his vision for Atlanta, comparing it to Wakanda. The minor conflict of rushing to the theater is quickly resolved, and the scene ends with the group entering the theater to watch the show.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Political satire
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Mild conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, witty, and introduces new elements that add depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending political satire with family drama is unique and well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses with the introduction of LaDarius and the upcoming election subplot.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and original take on social issues and political satire, with unique character dynamics and cultural references.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions are entertaining.

Character Changes: 4

There are no significant character changes in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the social dynamics and political discussions within their circle while maintaining their own beliefs and values.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to attend the Cirque de Ebony show and engage in social interactions with their peers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between LaDarius and the other characters due to his political ambitions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and power dynamics between the characters that create tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 6

The high stakes are hinted at with the mention of the upcoming election and LaDarius' political ambitions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene introduces new elements and progresses the plot with the upcoming election subplot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the satirical commentary on political and social issues.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the importance of political engagement and the role of African Americans in shaping the future of their community.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene is more focused on humor and satire rather than emotional depth.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals character dynamics effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its witty dialogue, sharp humor, and intriguing character dynamics that draw the audience into the world of the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through dynamic dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear character introductions and interactions.


Critique
  • The dialogue is a bit too on-the-nose and expository. For example, La'Shonda's line "It's the Black man's answer to Cirque du Soleil" is a bit too obvious and could be more subtle.
  • The scene is a bit too long and could be trimmed down to make it more concise and impactful.
  • The characters of La'Shonda and LaDarius are a bit one-dimensional and could be more developed to make them more interesting and relatable.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to be more subtle and nuanced.
  • Trim down the scene to make it more concise and impactful.
  • Develop the characters of La'Shonda and LaDarius to make them more interesting and relatable.



Scene 29 -  Dinner Chaos
INT. EASTMAN KITCHEN-NIGHT

Grady is struggling to get the twins ready for dinner as
Ja'Niah plays on her Nintendo Switch. The food on the stove
is boiling over.

GRADY
Ja'Niah, help Grampy with the food!

JA'NIAH
Sure, one second.

The twins jump onto Grady and start hitting him.

GRADY
NOW!
89.


Ja'Niah gets up and tends to the stove.

JA'NIAH
Geesh, if I wanted to get yelled at my
dads could've just stayed home!

There's a knock on the front door.

GRADY
Hold on!

INT. EASTMAN LIVING ROOM

Grady trudges to the front door with the twins in tow. He
answers the door to find Jerome waiting there.

GRADY
Hey there Jerome! Wasn't expecting you
to come over!

JEROME
I was in the neighborhood, may I come
in?

Grady steps aside and lets Jerome in.

JEROME
I heard you were babysitting, how it's
going?

Grady stares at Jerome deadpan as the twin yank his hair and
ears.

GRADY
Just swell.

Jerome snaps his fingers.

JEROME
Down, now.

The twins get down and stand in a military style.

JEROME
To your room til called for, pronto.

The twins march upstairs.

GRADY
How'd you do that?

Jerome makes flirtatious eyes at Grady.

JEROME
I can be quite dominant and commanding
when I need to be.

Ja'Niah walks into the room and observes.
90.


GRADY
I've always had a soft side.

JEROME
Maybe I can toughen you up.

GRADY
Don't be too rough now!

JEROME
Only if you ask me to!

Grady and Jerome share a laugh as they exit into the kitchen.
Ja'Niah stares in disbelief.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Grady struggles to prepare dinner with the twins while Ja'Niah is on her Nintendo Switch. The food boils over, Grady asks Ja'Niah for help, and the twins start hitting him. Ja'Niah tends to the stove, there's a knock on the door, and Grady finds Jerome there. Jerome enters, the twins yank Grady's hair and ears, Jerome makes them go to their room, and Jerome flirts with Grady. Ja'Niah walks in and stares in disbelief. The scene ends with Grady and Jerome sharing a laugh as they exit into the kitchen, leaving Ja'Niah staring in disbelief.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Engaging family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, tension, and character dynamics to create an engaging and entertaining moment.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a chaotic family dinner with unexpected guests and flirtatious interactions adds depth and intrigue to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the interactions between Grady, Jerome, and Ja'Niah during a hectic dinner preparation, adding layers to the family dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and explores themes of control, dominance, and vulnerability in a domestic setting. The dialogue feels authentic and fresh, offering a new perspective on family relationships.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Grady, Jerome, and Ja'Niah are well-defined and their interactions showcase their personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character change in this scene, focusing more on character interactions and dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Grady's internal goal is to maintain control and composure in a chaotic situation, while also navigating his feelings towards Jerome.

External Goal: 7

Grady's external goal is to successfully babysit the twins and handle unexpected visitors like Jerome.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between Grady and Jerome, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting personalities and power dynamics creating tension and uncertainty about the characters' motivations and actions.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on humor and character dynamics.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing the relationships between the characters and setting up potential future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of Jerome and the shift in power dynamics between the characters, adding tension and intrigue to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Grady's softer, more nurturing side and Jerome's dominant and commanding nature. This challenges Grady's self-perception and opens up the possibility of exploring different aspects of his personality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits light-hearted emotions and amusement from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, flirtatious, and humorous, adding depth to the character interactions and dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, humorous interactions, and unexpected twists, keeping the audience invested in the characters' relationships and dynamics.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions that maintain the audience's interest and drive the scene forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, conflict, and resolution, effectively advancing the plot and character development.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and has a lot of potential, but there are a few areas that could be improved.
  • The characters need more development. We don't know much about Grady or Jerome, and we don't really understand their motivations.
  • The dialogue is a bit stiff and unnatural. It doesn't feel like real people talking.
  • The scene is a bit too long. It could be tightened up by cutting out some of the unnecessary details.
  • The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt. It would be more satisfying if there was a more clear resolution to the conflict.
Suggestions
  • Add more details about Grady and Jerome's backgrounds and motivations. This will help the audience to understand them more and to empathize with them.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational. This will make the scene more engaging and believable.
  • Cut out some of the unnecessary details. This will help to tighten up the scene and make it more focused.
  • Add a more clear resolution to the conflict. This will give the audience a sense of closure and satisfaction.



Scene 30 -  Campaign Event Confrontation at Cirque de Ebony Stadium
INT. CIRQUE DE EBONY STADIUM

The show consists of Black trapeze artists and clowns
performing the most stereotypical display of Black culture
but on wires while dressed like they're from a futuristic
90's hip hop video as African drums mixed with trap beats
play in the background. LaDarius is drowning Devonte with
buzz quotes from his campaign.

LADARIUS
The LGBT community is a critical
component to the tapestry that is the
city of Atlanta. If you and your
husband vote for me, I'll ensure that
you two can keep on twerking to the
tune of equality as long as you live
in this city!

La'Shonda is rubbing up against Dakota.

DAKOTA
Had a bit too much to drink, huh?

LA'SHONDA
I always get cold when I get tipsy.

La'Shonda puts her hands under Dakota's shirt.

DAKOTA
Getting a little handsy there!

LA'SHONDA
You're so solid and strong! It's a
shame you don't like women!

DAKOTA
Actually, I'm bi.

Dakota looks as if to say 'why'd I bring that up?'.

LA'SHONDA
You never miss the embrace of a
woman's touch?
91.


DAKOTA
Have you seen how much makeup Dev's
wearing right now? I'm not missing out
on much!

Devonte notices La'Shonda grabbing on Dakota.

DEVONTE
Hey bae, I'm thirsty. You and Darius
go get some drinks.

LADARIUS
That'll give us some time so I can
detail my new property tax plan!

Dakota sighs deeply as he and LaDarius exit. Devonte sits
closer to La'Shonda.

DEVONTE
If you want us to remain cool, stop
touching on my man.

LA'SHONDA
Girl you know I don't mean nothing by
it!

DEVONTE
I'm serious! I don't know what you and
Darius got going on but leave us out
of it!

LA'SHONDA
LaDarius wouldn't mind, if anything it
was his idea.

DEVONTE
What are you saying?
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary The scene is set at a campaign event at Cirque de Ebony Stadium, featuring Black trapeze artists and clowns performing stereotypical displays of Black culture. The atmosphere is lively and energetic, but also tense due to the conflict between Devonte and La'Shonda. LaDarius, who is campaigning, uses buzz quotes and stereotypical language, making Devonte uncomfortable. La'Shonda makes advances towards Dakota, who reveals they are bisexual. Devonte confronts La'Shonda, who reveals that LaDarius is aware and even encouraged her behavior. Devonte sets boundaries and warns La'Shonda to leave them alone, resolving the conflict.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Blend of humor and tension
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, tension, and character dynamics to create an engaging and entertaining interaction.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of blending political themes with personal relationships in a futuristic circus setting is innovative and adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through character interactions and revelations, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and unexpected elements, such as the futuristic circus setting and the blend of traditional and modern cultural references. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original, contributing to the scene's overall authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their dialogue and actions.

Character Changes: 7

Character dynamics and revelations lead to potential changes in relationships and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Devonte's internal goal in this scene is to protect his relationship with Dakota and assert his boundaries in the face of La'Shonda's advances. This reflects his need for security and respect in his romantic relationship.

External Goal: 7

Devonte's external goal is to maintain a positive public image during his campaign, as seen through his interactions with LaDarius and La'Shonda. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing personal relationships with political aspirations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict present in the scene, both in personal relationships and political ambitions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is strong, with conflicting desires, values, and goals driving the character interactions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding tension and suspense to the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes involve personal relationships, political ambitions, and potential character changes.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and deepening character relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in character dynamics and dialogue. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflicts will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of personal boundaries, loyalty, and authenticity. Devonte's struggle to assert his boundaries and maintain his integrity in the face of external pressures challenges his beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a range of emotions from tension to amusement, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals character motivations and conflicts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its dynamic character interactions, witty dialogue, and thematic depth. The conflicts and tensions between the characters create suspense and intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and description. It maintains a steady rhythm that enhances the scene's emotional impact and narrative flow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and visually engaging for the reader.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively balances character interactions, dialogue, and setting descriptions. It maintains a clear focus on the protagonist's goals and conflicts, enhancing the scene's narrative impact.


Critique
  • The scene's description of the show as a 'stereotypical display of Black culture' could be interpreted as offensive or derogatory. It might be more appropriate to describe it as a stylized or exaggerated representation of Black culture.
  • The dialogue in this scene is quite on-the-nose and didactic, with LaDarius' campaign speech feeling more like an exposition than a natural conversation. Consider making the dialogue more subtle or integrated into the scene.
  • The characters' actions and motivations are not always clear. For example, it's not clear why La'Shonda is touching Dakota or why Devonte is suddenly concerned about it. More context and development of these moments would make the scene more engaging and believable.
Suggestions
  • Revise the description of the show to avoid any potential negative connotations. Consider adding more nuance and depth to the dialogue, making it feel more like a natural conversation and less like a campaign speech.
  • Develop the characters' actions and motivations more clearly. Provide more context for why La'Shonda is touching Dakota and why Devonte is suddenly concerned about it. This will make the scene more engaging and believable for the reader.



Scene 31 -  LaDarius' Inappropriate Advances: A Night at the Bar
INT. CIRQUE DE EBONY LOBBY

LaDarius and Dakota are at the bar waiting for their drinks.

LADARIUS
Have you been adjusting well to
Atlanta?

DAKOTA
It's a lot different Colorado, I can
tell you that.

LADARIUS
Perhaps when you're not busy playing
wife for Devonte, La'Shonda and I
could give you a lay of the land.

DAKOTA
I'm down for that but--
92.


LaDarius dances his fingers on Dakota's hand up to his arm.

DAKOTA
What are you doing?

LADARIUS
She was right, these arms are
incredible!

DAKOTA
Dude you're married!

LADARIUS
It's Atlanta! The women chase clout
while the men chase each other!
Besides my wife knows, she's the one
who brought up the idea.

LaDarius starts massaging Dakota's arms.

LADRIUS
What I'd give to feel those god-like
hands choking me as you took me like a
cheap whore!

DAKOTA
What idea?

LADARIUS
I don't want to make this awkward with
Devonte being my cousin, but I'm quite
attracted to you. In fact, you've
revived the spark in our marriage!

DAKOTA
I'm flattered but--

Dakota receives his drink and starts downing it.

LADARIUS
We want you to impregnate her.

Dakota spits out his drink.

DAKOTA
I beg your fucking pardon?

LADARIUS
I can only get it up when I think of
other men and I can't afford that kind
of scandal right now. But we want a
child and we want him to look like
you.

DAKOTA
What kind of weird internalized-racist
eugenics bullshit is this?
93.


Dakota is given another drink but while he's not paying
attention LaDarius slips something in it. He gets up close on
Dakota and caresses him.

LADARIUS
I've loved the taste of smooth, sweet
caramel colored skin for years!

LaDarius sniffs Dakota's hair and licks his neck.

LADARIUS
My kingdom needs and heir and I want
your seed to do it! I want my son to
look like the men I've always adored!

Dakota pushes LaDarius off and quickly downs his drink.

DAKOTA
This shit is too weird!

LADARIUS
We don't want any financial
compensation from you! We just want a
light skinned baby!

Dakota backs away from LaDarius quickly but then gets dizzy.
He stumbles into the bathroom. LaDarius texts someone.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Thriller"]

Summary LaDarius hits on Dakota at the bar, making him uncomfortable with suggestive comments and proposing something inappropriate. Despite Dakota's attempts to rebuff him, LaDarius persists and slips something in Dakota's drink, causing him to become dizzy and stumble into the bathroom. The scene takes place in the lobby of Cirque de Ebony and implies that Devonte, LaDarius' cousin, is present but not involved in the interaction. The tone is tense and uncomfortable, with visual elements highlighting Dakota's growing discomfort.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potentially controversial subject matter
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging, intense, and pushes boundaries with its subject matter, creating a sense of unease and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of forbidden desires, manipulation, and eugenics is well-executed and adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the revelation of LaDarius' shocking proposition to Dakota, adding tension and conflict to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is highly original in its exploration of taboo subjects such as unconventional relationships, racial dynamics, and personal boundaries. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and their reactions to the situation feel authentic, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Dakota experiences a significant shift in his perception of LaDarius and his own boundaries, leading to potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the uncomfortable and inappropriate advances made by LaDarius while maintaining his own boundaries and values.

External Goal: 7

Dakota's external goal in this scene is to simply have a drink at the bar with LaDarius and wait for their drinks.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Dakota and LaDarius escalates rapidly, creating a tense and uncomfortable atmosphere.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Dakota facing a difficult and uncomfortable situation that challenges his beliefs and values. The audience is left unsure of how he will navigate the advances made by LaDarius.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of betrayal, manipulation, and personal boundaries add intensity and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new conflict and raising the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected and taboo nature of the conversation between LaDarius and Dakota. The audience is kept on edge by the shocking revelations and character actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between personal boundaries, consent, and societal expectations. Dakota is faced with a situation that challenges his beliefs about relationships, race, and personal autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of shock, discomfort, and intrigue, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense, provocative, and reveals the characters' true motivations and desires.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its provocative subject matter, tense character interactions, and unexpected plot developments. The audience is drawn in by the uncomfortable and taboo nature of the conversation between LaDarius and Dakota.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and conflict that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue formatting that enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 7

The structure of the scene follows a typical dialogue-driven format for its genre, with clear character interactions and progression of the conflict.


Critique
  • The dialogue is quite unnatural and expository, and it is hard to believe that people would speak this way in real life.
  • That they have this very awkward conversation at a party rather than in a much more private setting is also rather implausible.
  • The conflict in the scene is not very clear and seems to come out of nowhere.
  • The characters are not particularly well-developed and it is difficult to relate to them or their motivations.
  • The pacing of the scene is off and it feels like there is a lot of unnecessary exposition and dialogue.
  • The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying and does not leave the reader with a clear sense of what is going to happen next.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Move the conversation to a more private setting where the characters would be more likely to have this kind of conversation.
  • Develop the conflict in the scene more clearly and make sure that it is something that the reader can relate to.
  • Develop the characters more fully so that the reader can relate to them and their motivations.
  • Tighten the pacing of the scene and cut out any unnecessary exposition or dialogue.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending that leaves the reader with a clear sense of what is going to happen next.



Scene 32 -  Attempted Rape and Escape at Cirque de Ebony
INT. CIRQUE DE EBONY STADIUM

La'Shonda receives a text and smiles.

LA'SHONDA
I'll be back.

La'Shonda gets up and leaves.

INT. CIRQUE DE EBONY DRESSING ROOM

Dakota wakes up and finds himself naked with LaDarius and
La'Shonda having sex with him. He freaks out and pushes them
off.

DAKOTA
WHAT THE FUCK?

LA'SHONDA
Just lie back down and--

DAKOTA
How did I get--did you drug me?

LADARIUS
It was nothing that'll hurt you! We
just wanted to worship you together!

DAKOTA
I'm calling the police!
94.


LADARIUS
We don't need to do that!

Dakota pulls out his phone and starts recording.

DAKOTA
This is LaDarius and La'Shonda
Braithwaite! They drugged me and raped
me so they could have a Steph Curry
clone of their own!

LA'SHONDA
Get the phone!

LaDarius advances towards Dakota but he gets punched out.
Dakota turns to leave but La'Shonda jumps on his back. Dakota
starts texting.

INT. CIRQUE DE EBONY STADIUM

Devonte gets a text and sees a pic of La'Shonda clawing at a
terrified Dakota. He quickly exits.

Moments later, La'Shonda is chased out onto the stage by
Devonte with Dakota being chased by LaDarius. The performers
continue with the show as is incorporating the foursome into
the act.

Devonte starts beating La'Shonda's ass while LaDarius
continues to try and seduce Dakota with the clowns aiding in
the act.

INT. EASTMAN LIVING ROOM

Grady and Jerome are watching some old war movie together
while drinking and smoking cigars. Devonte and Dakota come
home looking like they came home from war.

GRADY
How was the show?

Dakota wordlessly goes upstairs and then screams.

DEVONTE
I'll never forget it. Dad, why are you
here?

JEROME
I came to help Grady with the kids. By
the way, we have an announcement.

DEVONTE
You've decided to stop wearing wigs
because no one is convinced besides
the hairdresser whose kids you're
sending to college?
95.


JEROME
Grady and I are moving in together!

DEVONTE
I had assumed he was at the lakehouse
with you anyway. Grady where have you
been staying?

GRADY
Ethel's been putting me up in a condo
she owns in Midtown as a reward for
giving her the best orgasm since
Clinton was in office.

DEVONTE
I'm way too exhausted to fight either
of you on those so good luck.

Devonte starts walking upstairs.

DEVONTE
By the way, Darius and Shonda tried to
rape Dakota so they could have a
redbone baby. Maybe don't invite them
to the next reunion.

Devonte goes upstairs. Grady and Jerome sit in shock.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the Cirque de Ebony stadium dressing room, La'Shonda abruptly leaves, revealing LaDarius with a naked Dakota. Freaked out, Dakota tries to leave but is chased by LaDarius. Simultaneously, Devonte confronts La'Shonda on stage and beats her, while LaDarius continues to pursue Dakota. Eventually, both Dakota and Devonte escape and return home, visibly disheveled. They reveal to Grady and Jerome that they were almost raped by LaDarius and La'Shonda. The scene ends with Grady and Jerome in shock.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Engaging plot twists
  • Strong character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Graphic content may be disturbing to some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, with a strong emotional and dramatic impact that leaves a lasting impression on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of betrayal, assault, and manipulation is effectively portrayed, creating a sense of tension and suspense.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging and full of unexpected developments, driving the story forward and keeping the audience hooked.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and provocative situation involving betrayal, assault, and manipulation, which adds a layer of complexity to the characters' actions and dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' reactions and motivations contributes to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions add depth to the scene, showcasing their vulnerabilities and strengths.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo significant emotional turmoil and revelations, leading to potential changes in their relationships and dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal is to assert his agency and protect himself from the manipulative actions of LaDarius and La'Shonda. This reflects his need for autonomy and safety.

External Goal: 7

Dakota's external goal is to expose LaDarius and La'Shonda's actions and seek justice for their wrongdoing. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in dealing with the betrayal and assault.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with intense emotional and physical confrontations that drive the tension.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Dakota facing manipulation, assault, and betrayal from LaDarius and La'Shonda. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with characters' lives and relationships on the line due to the shocking events that unfold.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward with major revelations and conflicts that will have lasting consequences.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and motivations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around consent, power dynamics, and morality. Dakota's belief in personal autonomy clashes with LaDarius and La'Shonda's manipulative actions, highlighting the ethical dilemmas present in the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, with moments of shock, betrayal, and tension.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense conflict, and unpredictable plot developments. The audience is drawn into the characters' emotional turmoil and moral dilemmas, creating a sense of suspense and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and intense, with rapid shifts in action and dialogue. This contributes to the scene's effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and character dialogue. However, the rapid shifts in location and action may require careful staging and direction.

Structure: 7

The scene follows a non-linear structure, with multiple locations and characters introduced in quick succession. While this adds to the chaotic atmosphere, it may be challenging for some viewers to follow.


Critique
  • This scene contains extremely sensitive subject matter that should be handled with care and respect. The depiction of sexual assault and rape is a serious issue that needs to be portrayed accurately and responsibly in a screenplay.
  • The scene lacks a nuanced exploration of the emotional impact of sexual assault on the victim, Dakota. His reaction to the assault and the subsequent events, such as the physical altercation with LaShonda and LaDarius, feel shallow and sensationalized.
  • There is a lack of depth in the character development of LaShonda and LaDarius. It is important to understand their motivations and backgrounds to provide context for their actions and to avoid reducing them to mere villains in the story.
  • The transition from the dressing room to the Eastman living room is abrupt and disjointed. The pacing of the scene could be improved to create a smoother flow between the two locations.
  • The inclusion of Grady and Jerome watching a war movie and making casual conversation after the traumatic events that occurred feels tonally jarring and undermines the seriousness of the previous scenes.
Suggestions
  • Consider consulting with experts or organizations that specialize in portraying sexual assault in media to ensure the depiction is accurate and respectful.
  • Develop the emotional arc of Dakota's character more fully to capture the complexity of his experience and the aftermath of the assault.
  • Provide more backstory and depth to the characters of LaShonda and LaDarius to humanize them and add dimension to their actions.
  • Reconsider the pacing and structure of the scene to create a more cohesive narrative flow between the different locations and events.
  • Consider revising the following interactions between Grady, Jerome, and Devonte to better align with the gravity of the situation and the emotional impact on Dakota.



Scene 33 -  A Heartfelt Conversation on Race and Colorism
INT. EASTMAN MASTER BEDROOM

Dakota is lying on the bed staring up at the ceiling. Devonte
enters and starts getting undressed.

DAKOTA
I have never been more aware of my
skin tone until I moved here!

DEVONTE
How do you think I feel? One of my
oldest friends and my own blood tried
to rape my husband because of some
weird plantation era breeding fetish!
I swear I thought Quan was finna fall
out right there when we told him the
deal!

DAKOTA
Are you only with me because you
wanted light skinned babies?

DEVONTE
Don't be ridiculous! We used both our
sperm!

DAKOTA
But you wanted Ja'Niah to be mine too.
96.


DEVONTE
That doesn't mean I--

DAKOTA
You wanted both donors to be white
until I mentioned using family
instead! Every single guy you've dated
has been no darker than a paper bag!
You're harder on Ja'Niah than you are
on the twins!

DEVONTE
The twins are two.

DAKOTA
Would you have married me if I were
dark skinned?

Devonte is about to respond but then pauses.

DAKOTA
What is the obsession with light skin?
I don't tan! My hair won't hold a
style! I've invested a fortune in skin
cream so I don't look like Dick Van
Dyke by 45! What is so good about
being light?

DEVONTE
I've always been the fat dark one.

DAKOTA
You're not fat, you're thick.

DEVONTE
Tell that to the guys who told me 'nah
it's just a preference' my whole life
while they galloped into the arms of
some Biracial Brandon! 'You're too
nappy!' 'You're too dark!' You're too
this!, You're too that!' I've heard it
since I can remember having ears! I
got tired of being treated like old
fruit, so I wanted to know what the
hype was.

DAKOTA
Dev you have to know that being dark
doesn't make you any more or less of a
person!

DEVONTE
Yes I know that but I don't always
feel it! When I'm with you, people
like at me like I'm somebody!

DAKOTA
YOU'RE RICH!
97.


DEVONTE
They don't know that! Being light gets
you in so many doors that I could
never walk through even though I'm
rich!

DAKOTA
I grew up so poor my mom glued
cardboard to the soles of my shoes!
You grew up spending your summers in
The Bahamas with the Obamas!

DEVONTE
I summered in Nassau with the Powells,
not the Obamas. Also, you're saying
that you're not with me because I'm
dark?

DAKOTA
What are you saying?

DEVONTE
The first year we dated you called me
'chocolate' or 'mocha' or other poorly
advised food related nicknames more
than my actual name!

DAKOTA
I was being cute!

DEVONTE
I thought you were a cracka with a
race fetish and a half-assed Jheri
curl until I saw family photos! You
love that you got to be top dog over
someone darker than you for most of
our relationship!

DAKOTA
Does a part of me get off on
dominating you because you're darker
than me? Yes! Do I like the way our
skin contrasts when I hold you? Yes!
Do I love seeing my throbbing white
dick in your fat Black ass? Hell yeah!
Why do you think we have sex every
day? But I'm a person Dev, a real ass
person! As my husband, the person I've
decided to spend the rest of my life
with, I need you to be able to see me,
the real me, not just the version that
fits into your fantasy!

DEVONTE
I do, I see you Dakota. I like how you
look but this would've gone nowhere if
I didn't love who you are! Does this
mean you don't want to race play in
98.


bed anymore?

DAKOTA
Hell no! Shit's hot as hell! Take them
clothes off right now sexy chocolate!

Devonte starts getting naked.

DEVONTE
Anything you say 'massa'!

Dakota strips off his clothes.

DAKOTA
Bend that ass over for me boy!

Dakota and Devonte get into bed and start making out.

GRADY V/O
You know we can hear you right?

JA'NIAH V/O
They don't care!

Devonte plays some music and they go back to making love.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary In the Eastman master bedroom, Dakota and Devonte engage in a serious conversation about race and colorism. Devonte opens up about feeling marginalized for her darker skin tone, while Dakota expresses insecurities about Devonte's motivations for being with her. They discuss their past experiences and how they have shaped their perspectives. The conversation is emotional and raw, with both characters expressing vulnerability. The scene ends with Dakota and Devonte resolving some of their tension and starting to make love, while Grady and Ja'Niah provide commentary from another room.
Strengths
  • Raw emotional dialogue
  • Exploration of complex themes
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for misinterpretation due to sensitive subject matter

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene delves deep into complex themes and emotions, showcasing intense dialogue and confrontations that reveal the characters' vulnerabilities and insecurities.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring race, colorism, and power dynamics in a romantic relationship is compelling and thought-provoking.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the characters' emotional revelations and conflicts, adding depth to their relationships and personal growth.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and unapologetic take on interracial relationships, colorism, and societal beauty standards. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and thought-provoking.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity, making them relatable and engaging.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional growth and self-realization, leading to a shift in their perspectives and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal is to confront and understand Devonte's feelings and motivations regarding their relationship and his own insecurities about skin color.

External Goal: 7

The external goal is to engage in a candid conversation about race and identity, leading to a deeper understanding and connection between the characters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the emotional intensity and character development.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts related to race, identity, and personal insecurities.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are present in the characters' emotional turmoil and the potential impact on their relationship and self-perception.

Story Forward: 7

The scene deepens the character dynamics and sets the stage for further exploration of the themes and conflicts in the story.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the raw and unfiltered nature of the characters' conversations, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around societal beauty standards, racial biases, and personal insecurities. It challenges the characters' beliefs about self-worth and acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through its raw and honest portrayal of the characters' struggles and vulnerabilities.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, raw, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the characters' inner struggles and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its provocative and emotionally charged dialogue, as well as the characters' vulnerability and authenticity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for meaningful character development and dialogue exchanges.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and structured, allowing for clear and engaging dialogue and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and character interactions, effectively conveying the emotional depth and complexity of the topic.


Critique
  • The scene's dialogue is powerful and addresses important themes of colorism and internalized racism, but the tone can be uneven at times, shifting from serious to playful and back again.
  • The use of racial slurs and derogatory terms, such as 'cracker' and 'massa', may be offensive to some readers and could potentially detract from the overall impact of the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from more development of the characters' emotional arcs, particularly Dakota's, as his feelings of insecurity and self-doubt are not fully explored.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven, with long stretches of dialogue that could be broken up with more action or description.
  • The scene's ending, with Grady and Ja'Niah making comments about the characters' lovemaking, feels abrupt and could be better integrated into the overall narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to remove or soften some of the more offensive language, while still maintaining the emotional intensity of the scene.
  • Develop Dakota's emotional arc further, giving him more agency and allowing him to express his feelings of insecurity and self-doubt in a more nuanced way.
  • Break up the dialogue with more action or description, such as the characters' body language or facial expressions, to create a more dynamic and engaging scene.
  • Consider restructuring the scene's pacing to create a more even flow, perhaps by introducing new conflicts or resolving existing ones in a more timely manner.
  • Integrate Grady and Ja'Niah's comments into the overall narrative in a more seamless way, perhaps by having them overhear the characters' conversation and react to it in a more meaningful way.



Scene 34 -  Dakota's Healthy Substitutions Cause a Stir, but Latrice's Invitation Offers a Hopeful Resolution
INT. EASTMAN KITCHEN-DAY

Dakota is feeding the twins while Devonte and Ja'Niah are
cooking breakfast together.

DAKOTA
I can't wait til the twins are big
enough so I can teach them how to
cook!

DEVONTE
Yes and then I'll teach them how to do
it properly.

DAKOTA
No one's gotten food poisoning since,
I think.

DEVONTE
You are getting better, I'll give you
some credit.

DAKOTA
I'm just not used to how much butter
and animal fat you guys use!

DEVONTE
It's for the flavor! Fat tastes good!

DAKOTA
I'd also like to not be a widower
before I'm 40! That butter you're
99.


using is actually plant butter!

Devonte and Ja'Niah look aghast.

JA'NIAH
How could you do this? A parent's
supposed to protect their child!

DEVONTE
I'd rather you were just having an
affair!

DAKOTA
Would you both relax? It tastes
exactly the same and your hearts will
thank you!

DEVONTE
What else have you replaced that I
don't know about?

DAKOTA
I poured cashew milk into the regular
milk container. I switched out all the
ice cream with non-dairy frozen
yogurt. Most of that bacon is turkey.

JA'NIAH
Papa can we go out to eat?

DEVONTE
Yes sweetie, we'll go to one of Nana's
restaurants for chicken and waffles!
Go get dressed!

Ja'Niah runs out of the kitchen.

DAKOTA
If I have to give up alcohol, you need
to eat healthier.

DEVONTE
Those are not comparable!

DAKOTA
Isn't it? All that pork and lard and
butter you eat, that shit'll kill ya!
Do it for the kids! We don't want them
ending up like the rest of your
family!

DEVONTE
I did have an aunt who nearly needed a
wheel barrel for her breasts. Alright,
I'll do it! How hard could it be?

Latrice enters through the kitchen door.
100.


LATRICE
Morning y'all! Something smells good!
Who's cooking?

DEVONTE
It's vegan.

LATRICE
Nevermind. Dakota, what plans did
y'all have for Thanksgiving?

DAKOTA
I assumed we were going over to your
house.

LATRICE
We are but I was thinking, what if you
cooked with me?

DAKOTA
Me? Cook over there?

LATRICE
Yes, what's so strange about it?

DAKOTA
You don't even like me cooking over
here!

LATRICE
It's a tradition that every year the
women of the family get together and
cook the night before Thanksgiving so
everything's ready the day of. I
figured it'd be nice to add you to our
tradition.

DAKOTA
Because I'm one of the women in the
family?

LATRICE
In a sense, yes. You are fulfilling
the womanlier parts of your
relationship these days. I also think
it'd be a nice way for you to connect
with the rest of the family.

Ja'Niah reenters in a different outfit.

DAKOTA
I'm in!

LATRICE
Wonderful! We're gonna have so much
fun!
101.


DAKOTA
We are! I was thinking why don't we
try to do a heart healthy
Thanksgiving?

Devonte and Ja'Niah gasp with horror.

LATRICE
What would that entail?

DAKOTA
We could use tofu bacon instead of
pig's feet for the green beans!

Devonte reacts like he's just been shot.

DAKOTA
The cornbread could be gluten free!

Devonte bowls over as if he's dying. He clings to whatever he
can to support himself.

LATRICE
Should we go all out and do a vegan
Thanksgiving?

Devonte collapses on the ground. Ja'Niah begins doing CPR.

DAKOTA
Something tells me that's a step too
far, vegetarian works.

LATRICE
This is so exciting! I can't wait to
break it to the girls! I'll call you
and tell you the details!

Latrice hugs Dakota as she exits.

DAKOTA
I think your mom is finally starting
to like me!

Devonte crawls to his feet.

DEVONTE
She might like you but you're going to
be spending the whole evening with my
sisters, my aunts, cousins,
grandmother and sister-in-law! That's
at least ten loud, domineering, pushy,
aggressive and highly opinionated
Black women all zeroed in on you!

DAKOTA
I can handle it!
102.


DEVONTE
Without alcohol?

A look of dread creeps across Dakota's face.

DAKOTA
Am I still allowed to smoke?

Devonte smiles as he shakes his head no. Dakota looks like he
wants to cry.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Inside the Eastman kitchen, Dakota, a health-conscious parent, feeds the twins while Devonte and Ja'Niah cook breakfast. Dakota's revelation of replacing unhealthy food with healthier alternatives sparks outrage from Devonte and Ja'Niah. The tension rises, but the arrival of Latrice, Dakota's mother-in-law, brings a light-hearted tone as she invites Dakota to cook with her for Thanksgiving, which Dakota accepts. The scene ends on a hopeful note, implying that this cooking collaboration might help bridge the gap between Dakota and the traditional cooks in the family.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character development
  • Family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Minimal conflict
  • Low emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, family dynamics, and character development, making it engaging and entertaining.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Dakota trying to adapt to Devonte's family traditions through cooking a heart-healthy Thanksgiving meal is unique and adds depth to the characters and their relationships.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Dakota's attempt to connect with Devonte's family, adding a layer of humor and warmth to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to family dynamics and traditional cooking, incorporating humor and health-conscious choices. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and dynamics that drive the scene forward. Dakota's efforts to fit in with Devonte's family and the reactions of the other characters add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 6

Dakota's willingness to adapt to Devonte's family traditions shows a small but significant character change, highlighting growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal is to be accepted and appreciated by Devonte's family, as well as to make healthier choices for the family's well-being.

External Goal: 7

Dakota's external goal is to successfully navigate the family dynamics and traditions surrounding Thanksgiving preparations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on humor and character interactions rather than intense drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints on cooking and family traditions creating tension and humor.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on comedic and familial interactions rather than high drama.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationships between the characters and setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character reactions, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around traditional gender roles, family expectations, and the importance of health and well-being. Dakota challenges the traditional cooking methods and tries to introduce healthier alternatives.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of warmth and humor, but the emotional impact is not as intense as in more dramatic scenes.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the relationships between the characters. It adds to the light-hearted tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, humorous interactions, and relatable family dynamics. The audience is drawn into the characters' relationships and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, humor, and character relationships, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-heavy kitchen scene, with clear character actions and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and interactions, maintaining a balance between humor and character development.


Critique
  • The scene's dialogue is natural and engaging, but the conflict between Dakota and Devonte about food choices feels forced and not in line with the more serious conflicts in the previous scenes.
  • The scene's focus on food and dietary choices seems trivial compared to the more pressing issues of race, identity, and family dynamics explored in the previous scenes.
  • The tone of the scene is lighter than the previous scenes, which might be confusing for the reader as they might expect a more serious conversation after the intense scenes before.
Suggestions
  • Consider connecting the food conversation to the themes of race and identity, making it a metaphor for the cultural differences between Dakota and Devonte's families.
  • Introduce a new conflict that builds on the previous scenes, such as discussing the upcoming family gathering or addressing the aftermath of the attempted rape.
  • Maintain the engaging dialogue but ensure it aligns with the overall tone and themes of the story, avoiding trivial conflicts that don't contribute to the character development or plot progression.



Scene 35 -  Dakota's Unconventional Thanksgiving and Past
INT. IN-LAWS KITCHEN-NIGHT

Dakota is basting a large turkey while the rest of the women
work around and beside him.

KALINA
What's that you're basting the turkey
with?

DAKOTA
After you all jumped me for suggesting
a meat-free Thanksgiving--

DEMETRIA
Cause that's white bitch shit and we
ain't with it!

The rest of the women noise in agreement.

DAKOTA
I decided to say 'fuck it' and just do
my usual rum and orange juice
marinade.

KALINA
What else do you normally put it in?

DAKOTA
If I've got it, some coke.

DEMETRIA
Ooh bitch you feisty!

DAKOTA
The drink Demetria.

Demetria deflates with disappointment.

ETHEL
I remember when I tried going healthy
for my first husband. He wanted us to
go vegan so we could live longer.

DAKOTA
What's so bad about that?
103.


ETHEL
In the 15 years we were married, I
orgasmed five times and one of them
wasn't even with him!

LATRICE
That's enough Mother!

ETHEL
Honey relax! We got the DNA test
proving you're not the gardener's
baby!

DAKOTA
Also, I have an idea about dessert.
Instead of sweet potato pie--

Everyone stops what they're doing and stare daggers at
Dakota.

DAKOTA
When you look at me like that I feel
like a cobra surrounded by a bunch of
diabetic mongoose.

KALINA
And armed too, proceed.

DAKOTA
My mom had this really good recipe for
carrot pie that's much healthier for
you and tastes just as good!

ETHEL
Despite my granddaughter's teeth, we
are not rabbits!

KALINA
You said the shaving worked!

ETHEL
I was referring to your lip! You
looked like Billy Dee Williams before!

Devonte's aunt MARLENA, a late 60's Black female with a
church lady vibe, speaks up

MARLENA
Since you two have moved back to
Atlanta, have you found a church home?

DAKOTA
It hasn't really been a priority.

MARLENA
And why not!
104.


DAKOTA
We're not all that religious.

All of the women gasp.

DAKOTA
Half of you are divorced, cheating on
your husbands, in and out rehab and
Dee's been locked up twice for fraud!

DEMETRIA
I still bring my ass to church on
Sunday before shaking bitches down on
Monday!

DAKOTA
Sounds more like hypocrisy!

MARLENA
The church is an anchor of the Black
community! It's where the Civil Rights
Movement was born. It was entire music
genres sprang from. It's been our
people's refuge from the outside world
for 300 years. I would be remiss if
the children grew up without such an
integral component to their heritage!

LATRICE
Your father never instilled any sense
of religion in you?

DAKOTA
He had me praying he wasn't my real
dad if that means anything.

LATRICE
What about your mother?

DAKOTA
She went on holidays but outside of
that we were lazy Catholics.

MARLENA
Catholics! Not even real Christians!

KALINA
I know of this LGBT affirming church,
it's a mega ministry honestly. The
pastor himself is married to a man.
Most of the congregation is gays and
lesbians with families.

MARLENA
See? Just because you're a homosexual
deviant that has seduced my nephew
into your sinful lifestyle doesn't
mean you can't still praise The Lord!
105.


Devonte's cousin SHAQUEENA, a mid 30's Black female who looks
like a Real Housewife or maybe a Basketball Wife, speaks up.

SHAQUEENA
My question is who be doing the
bending?

DAKOTA
God not this question...

SHAQUEENA
Some of us want to know! I ain't no
hater baby! I watch me a lot of gay
men's porn!

MARLENA
You do what?

SHAQUEENA
Mama it be hot as hell! They be doing
all the sensual and sensitive and
romantic shit we be asking them to do
for us, but with each other! It's
better than straight porn for me!

DEMETRIA
She got a point! Them niggas be
getting it in!

SHAQUEENA
Okay? If men can like lesbians, why
can't we like watching two sexy ass
men hunch?

Kalina pulls up a video on her phone and starts reacting.

KALINA
By Cochran's Ghost, you're right!

The other women crowd over Kalina. Dakota leans over out of
curiosity but then becomes red with shame.

ETHEL
The one who'll need a knee replacement
after this reminds me of a young Harry
Belafonte!

LATRICE
I don't think I've ever seen a man
make love to a woman like this!
[scoffs] The gays get everything!

DEMETRIA
That red boy's gonna need some type of
reconstructive surgery after taking
all that meat!

Devonte's aunt CHARLENE, a mid 60's Black woman wearing
106.


scrubs, speaks up.

CHARLENE
Honey I'd love to get that call!

Charlene rewinds the video and then looks at Dakota.

CHARLENE
Hold on...

Charlene rewinds the video again and pauses it and holds it
up to Dakota's face.

CHARLENE
Ain't no way!

LATRICE
What is it Charlene?

Latrice stands to Charlene's side to see what she sees and
gasps.

LATRICE
Dakota is that young man getting his
bladder punctured you?

DAKOTA
I was 18 and needed the money!

KALINA
My brother married a porn star?

DAKOTA
I was really more like a porn
character actor! I only did it for a
few years before I joined the Marines!

LATRICE
And were you always the one--the one
who--y'know--

SHAQUEENA
Gets they pussy blown apart like
Normandy on D-Day?

Everyone looks at Shaqueena surprised but she smiles proudly
while twirling her hair.

SHAQUEENA
I've been watching Ken Burns!

DAKOTA
Yes, I was usually the bottom. White
guys liked dominating a Black guy and
Black guys like dominating a mixed
guy.
107.


LATRICE
How did you prepare for 'all of that'?

SHAQUEENA
Yeah gurl cause them niggas was hung!

DAKOTA
Couple lines of coke, several bottles
of lube and a coffee enema to kick
things off did me just fine.

Shaqueena is still looking at the video.

SHAQUEENA
Goddamn baby can you take some dick!
I'm so happy for my cousin!

Dakota takes her phone away.

DEMETRIA
You mean to tell me with all them abs
and strong shoulders, you the woman?

DAKOTA
For the money, yes. In my marriage,
no.

CHARLENE
Outside of cooking all his meals,
cleaning his house, raising his kids
and being available to him sexually
whenever he wants, right?

DAKOTA
That doesn't make me the woman
Charlene!

CHARLENE
Sugar I didn't say there was something
wrong with it! I'm the Head of
Traumatic Surgery at my hospital! My
Lamar knows that after I get home from
a 14-hour shift there better be
dinner, a drink and some dick waiting
for me! But your situation ain't all
that bad!

ETHEL
She's right! Now that you're the woman
you can use that against him!

DAKOTA
How?

ETHEL
Sex. He wants it all the time and
anytime, right?
108.


DAKOTA
Usually, yes.

ETHEL
Make him work for it, make him beg for
it. My second husband once tried to
buy the Lakers for me because they
were my favorite team.

DAKOTA
What happened?

ETHEL
I ended up sleeping with Kareem Abdul-
Jabbar, so he bought the Pistons
instead.

CHARLENE
When I was still in medical school,
Lamar used to do anything for me if he
knew it meant I'd do anything for him
in the bedroom. My parents were loaded
and I still got that man to pay for my
college!

ETHEL
Thank God you got my ass and not your
father's!

DAKOTA
What else could I do?

SHAQUEENA
Get male friends that make him jealous
so he knows you have options for when
he steps out of line.

DAKOTA
You want me to cheat on him?

SHAQUEENA
What part of that sentence suggested
you start guzzling glizzys? Nah gurl!
I'm saying get you some niggas who
wanna smash and have no problem making
that known to you and him!

KALINA
So when he starts complaining about
why you spent 15,000 to have your
office renovated--

DEMETRIA
Or he gets upset that you ended up
violating probation again--

ETHEL
Or he's Nick Ashford and he's saying
109.


that his wife is about to find out and
you need to stop leaving marks on him!

The others look at Ethel like she's crazy.

ETHEL
Like you wouldn't have!

SHAQUEENA
That's when you not so quietly remind
him that you got a whole squad of
niggas on speed dial!

DAKOTA
I'll keep that in mind since I've been
wanting to convert the basement into a
man cave!

SHAQUEENA
Bleach that bussy then put it work!

Dakota finishes the turkey and puts it in the fridge and
notices something.

DAKOTA
Latrice, a word please.

Latrice walks over to Dakota.

LATRICE
What's wrong?

Dakota points to the pig's head in a bowl.

LATRICE
Oh that! I'm making hog's head cheese
later but I'm letting it soak first!

DAKOTA
Hog's head--what?

CHINUA
You've never had hog's head cheese?
It's a delicacy! One I hadn't heard of
until I came to this backwards
country, but a delicacy nonetheless!

DAKOTA
How exactly do you make it?

LATRICE
You put the head in a meat grinder
with onions, hot peppers, vinegar
garlic--what have you--then grind it
all up into a fine paste! It's great
on sandwiches, cornbread or--
110.


KALINA
Hangovers. Trust me, it's amazing.

DAKOTA
That's a little too ethnic for me.

CHINUA
After I told your father I was married
to get him to stop grabbing my ass, he
mentioned he grew up in Louisiana.

KALINA
Is he Creole? I swear his hairline
sometimes gives me Octoroon vibes!

DAKOTA
He might be up I honestly don't know
much about his background. My dad's
got ten other kids with six other
women. He wasn't really raising
anybody.

DEMETRIA
White women be letting anybody run up
in them!

LATRICE
Them and your grandmother.

ETHEL
I said I was sorry!

DAKOTA
Actually, my dad's other baby mommas
are all Black, like ashy elbows and
hot combs Black. How he managed that
in Colorado of all places I don't
know. But I'm the lightest one out of
all his kids.

MARLENA
Men are disgusting!

DAKOTA
Tell me about it! I've actually caught
Devonte looking at other men!

Everyone crowds around Dakota.

DEMETRIA
You telling stories!

Dakota pours himself a drink.

DAKOTA
Girl, let me tell you about your
brother!
111.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Dakota, a male character, is preparing a turkey with an unconventional marinade in the kitchen of his in-laws' house. The women present, all relatives or close friends, share their opinions and experiences on various topics, such as vegan diets, religion, and healthy dessert options. The main conflict arises when the women learn about Dakota's past as a porn actor, which leads to shocked reactions and advice-giving. The scene is lively and humorous, with some serious moments, and ends with the women offering guidance to Dakota for the challenges ahead.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Diverse characters
  • Revealing personal details
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be considered inappropriate or offensive to some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, entertaining, and provides insight into the characters' personalities and relationships. The mix of humor and drama keeps the audience interested.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of family gathering for Thanksgiving and discussing personal matters is relatable and provides a platform for character development and conflict.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around Thanksgiving preparations and family conversations, adding depth to the characters and setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through its fresh take on family dynamics, cultural diversity, and LGBTQ+ themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and unexpected, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are diverse, well-defined, and each brings a unique perspective to the scene. Their interactions and revelations add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and revelations contribute to the characters' development.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal is to navigate the family dynamics and cultural differences while also revealing personal information about himself. This reflects his desire for acceptance and understanding from his in-laws.

External Goal: 7

Dakota's external goal is to successfully prepare the Thanksgiving meal and suggest alternative dessert options. This reflects his desire to contribute to the family gathering and showcase his culinary skills.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

The conflict in the scene is mostly light-hearted and revolves around differences in opinions and personal revelations, adding depth to the relationships.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with conflicts arising from cultural differences, personal revelations, and family dynamics. The characters face challenges and disagreements, adding depth to the interactions.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on personal revelations and family dynamics rather than high-stakes conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing personal details, deepening relationships, and setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations, cultural clashes, and humorous twists in the dialogue, keeping the audience on their toes and engaged in the unfolding dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the clash between traditional religious beliefs and modern values, particularly regarding LGBTQ+ acceptance and personal freedom. This challenges Dakota's views on religion and family traditions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to surprise, providing a well-rounded emotional experience for the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the characters' personalities and relationships. It drives the scene forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, comedic moments, and unexpected revelations, keeping the audience entertained and invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, balancing dialogue, action, and character interactions to maintain a lively and engaging rhythm. The scene flows smoothly, allowing for comedic moments and emotional depth to shine through.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay, allowing for clear and engaging communication of character interactions and dynamics.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and interaction, capturing the chaos and humor of a family gathering. The structure enhances the comedic and character-driven elements of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene contains a lot of dialogue and action, which can make it difficult to follow at times.
  • There are some inconsistencies in the characters' behavior and motivations, such as Dakota's sudden decision to make a rum and orange juice marinade after suggesting a meat-free Thanksgiving.
  • The scene contains some stereotypes and generalizations about religion and the Black community, which may not be accurate or representative of all individuals within those groups.
  • The scene contains some explicit language and sexual innuendo, which may not be appropriate for all audiences.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the dialogue and action to make the scene easier to follow and understand.
  • Ensure that the characters' behavior and motivations are consistent and believable throughout the scene.
  • Avoid stereotypes and generalizations, and strive to accurately represent the diversity and complexity of different communities and individuals.
  • Consider the appropriateness of the language and content for the intended audience, and make adjustments as necessary.



Scene 36 -  Girls' Night Turns Emotional
INT. IN-LAWS KITCHEN-SAME NIGHT

Dakota and the women are now drinking and smoking weed as
they cook. They're laughing and carrying on, just having a
good time. One of the cousins is braiding Dakota's hair. It's
like a scene from Waiting to Exhale.

SHAQUEENA
He flew you halfway across the
country, uprooted your entire life and
didn't even mention once for ten years
he was rich?

DAKOTA
Chile I was so mad I nearly ended up
on the First 48!

Everyone laughs as they pour more drinks.

KALINA
Men don't wanna tell us nothing! My
first husband didn't even tell me he
was still married to another woman
until I was literally in labor with
our daughter!

DAKOTA
Gurl no!

KALINA
I tell the truth! He's lucky I had an
epidural and wasn't in reach of my
strap cause he woulda been one cooked
goose!

Everyone laughs as they pour more drinks again.

CHINUA
JaQuan once forgot my birthday even
though it's the same day we got
married! So instead of coming clean,
he tried to throw me a surprise
birthday party complete with Ashanti
and Nelly performing but it was on
April 18th! My birthday is May 3rd!
That slutty deputy he's partnered
with, her birthday is April 18th! But
don't worry, I got back at him!

DAKOTA
How?

CHINUA
I paid her not to have an abortion! I
still get everything in the pre-nup
when I divorce him so I hope he has
fun paying child support for triplets!
112.


Everyone laughs and goes to pour a drink but they're out.

LATRICE
Hold on!

Latrice exits and returns with a large Bible. She returns and
it has a bottle of rum in it. Everyone cheers.

DAKOTA
Getting back to Dev, this man knows
I'm not a bottom! But when I tell you
I'd need a bear trap to keep him out
of my ass! I'm like 'nigga it ain't
happening so either enjoy this dick or
cough up for a hooker!'

CHARLENE
Baby I know that's right! My first
husband once asked me to eat his ass!

SHAQUEENA
Ooh Auntie I know you didn't!

CHARLENE
Gurl I was ready to knock that negro
into another zip code for asking me
that nasty shit! I told him to get him
a white bitch if he wants to do all
that! He did and the dirty hoe gave
'em the clap! Serves him right!

DAKOTA
Ugh chile I be sick of these white
hoes! I swear Devonte be scoping for
them pasty bitches all the time when
we be out!

Kalina sighs as she pours another drink.

KALINA
My brother has always had a
predilection for corruptive color
redacted negroes, present company
excluded of course.

SHAQUEENA
You need to check him before he ends
up in Blake Griffin again!

The other women noise in agreement.

DAKOTA
He slept with Blake Griffin?

SHAQUEENA
A few times but it wasn't big enough.

Dakota takes a moment to process this and moves on.
113.


DAKOTA
Despite it all, I still love that man.
Warts and all.

Everyone else but Latrice seem to agree.

DEMETRIA
Third time was the charm for me!

SHAQUEENA
I'm Jabari's fourth wife so I don't
think he has it in him to do it all
over again!

ETHEL
Scotty Pippin was an amazing lover!

DAKOTA
I never thought it'd happen but I
found my soulmate.

Latrice gets so overcome she cries as she runs outside.

DAKOTA
Oh God, I didn't mean to--

MARLENA
She's been like this off and on for
months, it's not your fault.

KALINA
It's daddy's for not having come out
years ago!

CHINUA
I don't know how a man could keep a
secret like that for so long! Did he
have no respect for her at all?

CHARLENE
It was the most chickenshit thing he
could've ever done! My poor sister was
in love with that man, nearly
worshipped the ground he walked on!

MARLENA
And he up and goes and sleeps with
every Tom, Dick and Harry he meets!

CHARLENE
Probably a few Larry, Curly and Moes
too!

MARLENA
Just disgraceful! He wasted the best
years of her life! If I were her I
don't know what I'd do!
114.


LATRICE V/O
I can still hear y'all!

Everyone looks ashamed as Dakota steps outside.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Dakota and the women gather in the in-laws' kitchen for a night of drinking, smoking weed, and cooking. They share stories about men keeping secrets and being unfaithful, with Dakota recounting her boyfriend Dev's past infidelities. The mood turns serious when Latrice becomes emotional about her father's secret. Dakota consoles her, and the scene ends with the women looking ashamed as Dakota steps outside.
Strengths
  • Candid dialogue
  • Humor and drama balance
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too explicit or controversial

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, emotionally impactful, and reveals important information about the characters. The mix of humor and drama keeps the audience entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family secrets, revelations, and candid conversations is well-executed. The scene effectively blends humor and drama to create a compelling narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the characters' personal lives, relationships, and deep-seated secrets. It moves the story forward by revealing important information and character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene features original situations and fresh approaches to familiar themes, with authentic dialogue that captures the characters' personalities and relationships effectively.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own unique personalities, quirks, and secrets. Their interactions and dialogues drive the scene forward and reveal deeper layers of their relationships.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo emotional changes and revelations during the scene, particularly in their relationships and understanding of each other. The candid conversations lead to personal growth and introspection.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate complex relationships and emotions, particularly in relation to her partner and family members. This reflects her need for love, acceptance, and understanding.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to socialize and bond with her in-laws, showcasing her ability to connect with others and adapt to different social situations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict arises from the characters' deep-seated secrets, revelations, and emotional confrontations. It adds tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with interpersonal conflicts and challenges that add tension and complexity to the characters' relationships.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are high in terms of emotional revelations, personal growth, and relationship dynamics. The characters' deep-seated secrets and candid conversations raise the stakes for their future interactions and decisions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about the characters, their relationships, and their personal lives. It sets the stage for further developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' stories, revealing hidden depths and complexities in their relationships.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around honesty, trust, and the complexities of human relationships. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about love, loyalty, and forgiveness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor and sarcasm to regret and emotional vulnerability. The candid conversations and revelations add depth to the characters and their relationships.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and emotionally charged. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities, emotions, and relationships through candid conversations and revelations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic dialogue, humor, and emotional depth, which keep the audience invested in the characters' relationships and experiences.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor, drama, and emotional depth, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' stories.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of events, engaging dialogue, and character development.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with a lively and humorous tone that fits the overall tone of the script. However, there are some moments where the dialogue feels forced and unnatural, particularly when the characters are discussing serious topics like infidelity and religion.
  • The scene is heavy on exposition, with the characters discussing past events and relationships at length. While this can be effective in providing context and background information, it can also feel overwhelming and confusing for the reader.
  • The scene introduces several new characters, but they are not well-defined or distinct from one another. It can be difficult to keep track of who is who and what their relationship is to Dakota.
  • The scene touches on several serious topics, such as infidelity, religion, and racism, but it does not delve deeply into any of them. This can make the scene feel superficial and lacking in depth.
  • The scene includes several pop culture references, such as Ashanti and Nelly performing, which may date the script and make it less relatable to contemporary audiences.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the dialogue and focusing on a few key points rather than trying to cover everything in one scene. This can help to make the scene feel more focused and less overwhelming.
  • Take the time to develop each character more fully, giving them distinct personalities and voices. This can help to make the scene feel more dynamic and engaging for the reader.
  • Consider exploring some of the more serious topics in more depth, giving the characters the opportunity to express their thoughts and feelings more fully. This can help to make the scene feel more substantial and meaningful.
  • Be mindful of pop culture references and consider whether they are necessary to the scene. While they can add flavor and context, they can also date the script and make it less relatable to contemporary audiences.
  • Consider breaking the scene into smaller, more manageable chunks. This can help to make the scene feel less overwhelming and give each topic the attention it deserves.



Scene 37 -  Latrice's Fear and Request
EXT. IN-LAWS BACK PORCH-NIGHT

Dakota enters the porch. Latrice is staring up at the sky
while smoking a cigarette.

DAKOTA
Hey Latrice, I didn't mean to--

LATRICE
I'm not mad at you Dakota.

Latrice gestures for him to sit and he does.

LATRICE
I admit I got overwhelmed but it's
nothing to do with you. I'm still
coping with how I spent the last five
decades of my life.

DAKOTA
Y'know with science these days they
say people can live until they're a
hundred!

LATRICE
That'd be great if I knew what I
wanted to do for the next thirty
years.

DAKOTA
You still have your career.

LATRICE
There's only so far you can go in
gospel music. I think I've reached
that plateau long ago.

DAKOTA
There's acting, producing, directing--

LATRICE
I get what you're trying to do but I'm
72. I thought at this stage of my
life, I'd just cruise into whatever's
next with the man of my dreams beside
me. But instead, I spent so many years
pretending not to notice that man
wanted anyone but me. You know wanna
know why I really stayed with Jerome?
Because I was scared. By the time we
had Kalina, I knew he wasn't the man
for me. Depraved sexual habits aside,
he's a demanding demeaning and
115.


detestable son of bitch! I truly could
not stand that man! But I thought 'who
else would want a single mother in her
30's?' Nevermind that I come from a
wealthy family. Nevermind that I had
an illustrious career. Something
within me was afraid I'd never attract
another man. Why that was my major
concern I'll never know.

Latrice takes a long drag from her cigarette.

LATRICE
I feel for you Dakota, I really do.
Jerome's family never took to me
either. They didn't like that I was
dark. They didn't like that I was
American. They didn't like I had been
married before. But I will say that
Jerome always defended me. Maybe
that's because he knew he needed a
beard but he refused to let them walk
all over me. He'd let 'em walk
halfway, but never all over me. But
Devonte has never faltered in his
support of you. I admit it has taken
me a while to get used to know but if
my son thinks the world of you, why
can't I?

Dakota is genuinely touched.

DAKOTA
Thank you Latrice! I've grown quite
fond of you too!

LATRICE
Since we're such good friends now, I
need a favor.

DAKOTA
What is it?

LATRICE
I want to move in with you and
Devonte. This house has too many
memories, I need a fresh start.

DAKOTA
Latrice I'm honored you'd want to live
with us but you have three other
children!

LATRICE
You've met my other children. That's
not a fresh start unless you're
counting the new liquor store I'd
frequent. Besides, if you do this I'll
116.


back you up on the man-cave.

DAKOTA
Can't wait to move you in mom!

Dakota and Latrice hug.
Genres: ["Drama","Family","Relationship"]

Summary Dakota enters Latrice's porch and listens as she reveals her feelings of overwhelm, regret, and fear about her past life and future. Latrice expresses her resentment towards her ex-husband Jerome and asks Dakota if she can move in with her and Devonte. Dakota agrees, providing a potential solution to Latrice's internal conflict. The scene ends with a hug, signifying their deeper understanding and connection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Subtle plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys deep emotions and sets the stage for significant character development and relationship dynamics. The dialogue is poignant and the themes are relatable, making it a compelling and engaging scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of seeking a fresh start and confronting past decisions is well-executed in the scene. It adds depth to the characters and sets up potential growth and change in the narrative.

Plot: 7

While the plot progression is subtle in this scene, it lays the groundwork for future developments by establishing Latrice's decision to move in with Dakota and Devonte. The emotional depth adds layers to the overall plot.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on themes of love, self-worth, and starting over, with authentic character interactions and revelations that feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Latrice and Dakota, are well-developed in this scene. Their emotions and motivations are clear, and their interactions reveal depth and complexity. The scene sets up potential growth and transformation for the characters.

Character Changes: 7

Latrice undergoes a significant change in this scene by deciding to move in with Dakota and Devonte, seeking a fresh start. This decision marks a turning point in her character arc and sets up potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Latrice's internal goal is to come to terms with her past decisions and find a sense of fulfillment and purpose in her current stage of life.

External Goal: 7

Latrice's external goal is to seek a fresh start by moving in with Dakota and Devonte, leaving behind the memories of her past.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is emotional conflict and tension in the scene, it is more internal and reflective rather than external. The conflict arises from Latrice's regrets and desires for a new beginning.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Latrice's internal conflicts and societal expectations, creating a sense of uncertainty and emotional depth.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are moderate in this scene, as Latrice grapples with her past decisions and seeks a new beginning by moving in with Dakota and Devonte. The emotional weight of her choices adds depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not have significant plot progression, it sets the stage for future developments by establishing Latrice's decision to move in with Dakota and Devonte. It lays the groundwork for potential growth and change in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its emotional revelations and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the outcome of Latrice's decision.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of self-worth, fear of judgment, and the desire for a new beginning. Latrice grapples with societal expectations and her own insecurities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as it delves into themes of regret, hope, and support. The heartfelt conversations and character interactions evoke strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is heartfelt and authentic, capturing the emotional nuances of the characters' conversations. It effectively conveys the themes of regret, hope, and support, enhancing the scene's impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, relatable character struggles, and the genuine connection between Dakota and Latrice.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing the audience to connect with the characters' struggles and revelations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is formatted in a clear and concise manner, adhering to industry standards for screenplay writing.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of dialogue and character interactions, effectively conveying the emotional depth of the moment.


Critique
  • The dialogue is very long and exposition-heavy. This can be difficult for readers to follow and can slow down the pace of the scene.
  • The scene lacks clear conflict or stakes. While Latrice expresses some regret and vulnerability, it's not clear what she wants from Dakota or what the consequences will be if she doesn't get it.
  • The scene doesn't advance the plot or character development in any significant way. It feels like a filler scene that could be cut without losing anything important.
  • The dialogue is a bit repetitive and unnatural. Latrice repeats herself several times and her long speech about her marriage to Jerome feels like a monologue rather than a conversation with Dakota.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Dakota and Latrice hugging. This feels like an unsatisfying and anticlimactic way to end the scene.
Suggestions
  • Shorten the dialogue and make it more concise. Focus on the most important information and emotions that need to be conveyed.
  • Add a clear conflict or stakes to the scene. What does Latrice want from Dakota? What will happen if she doesn't get it?
  • Make sure the scene advances the plot or character development in some way. What does the scene reveal about Latrice or her relationship with Dakota?
  • Vary the dialogue and make it more natural. Avoid repetition and use more active and engaging language.
  • Consider adding a different ending to the scene. Instead of having Dakota and Latrice hug, you could have them make a decision or take an action that will have a greater impact on the story.



Scene 38 -  Dakota's Surprising Discovery
INT. EASTMAN MASTER BEDROOM-DAY

Devonte is still asleep when Dakota returns in an unkempt
drunken manner. The smell of liquor awakens Devonte.

DEVONTE
Why do you smell like a liquor store
exploded on top of you?

DAKOTA
Just got back from cooking with the
women and I crushed it!

DEVONTE
Have you been drinking?

DAKOTA
Look, I know what I said 'bout the
drinking but all the other kids were
doing it and I wanted to look cool!

DEVONTE
Other kids? You got drunk with my
mother?

DAKOTA
And your sisters and your nana and
your aunts who kept saying I was
'built like a brick outhouse' whatever
that means! [beat] Oh they wanted to
fuck!

DEVONTE
It went well overall?

DAKOTA
Hells yeah bitch!

Dakota plops on the bed.

DAKOTA
Your mom loves me now! We're like
bros!

Devonte cradles Dakota's head as he kisses him.

DEVONTE
Aw sweetie I'm so happy for you! I
told you they'd warm up to you
eventually!
117.


DAKOTA
Took a few runs to one of the seediest
liquor stores I've ever seen to get
the job but I'm officially one of the
tribe! A real nigga if you will!

DEVONTE
Damn how much did you drink?

DAKOTA
I stopped using glasses around the
time your mom and aunts started
fighting over who slept with whose
husband and your Kalina asked Demetria
when she's paying back the 250k she
loaned her.

DEVONTE
God, I'm surprised you're not dead. By
the way, your 23 and Me came in the
mail yesterday.

Devonte hands Dakota the letter and he reads it.

DAKOTA
30 percent Irish, not surprising. 15
percent Italian, didn't expect that.
50 percent Sub-Saharan African--what
the fuck?

Devonte snatches the letter.

DEVONTE
'The African DNA comes from both sides
with a particular emphasis on the
patrilineal line'!

DAKOTA
What does that mean?

DEVONTE
Your dad is Black!
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the Eastman master bedroom, Devonte wakes up to find a drunk Dakota, who reveals he spent the day drinking with Devonte's family. Dakota shares his excitement about being accepted, but the mood shifts when Devonte reveals Dakota's 23 and Me results, showing that his father is Black, leading to a surprising discovery.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Surprising revelation
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with the mix of humor and drama

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor, drama, and surprise, showcasing strong character dynamics and advancing the plot with a significant revelation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family dynamics, acceptance, and self-discovery is well-executed, with the revelation of Dakota's heritage adding a layer of complexity to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through character interactions and revelations, setting the stage for further development and conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and authentic portrayal of family relationships and dynamics, with unique character interactions and dialogue that feel genuine and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and relationships that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Dakota experiences a significant revelation about his heritage, leading to potential growth and self-discovery in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Devonte's internal goal in this scene is to support and comfort Dakota, despite his drunken state. This reflects Devonte's deeper need for connection and understanding in his relationship with Dakota.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to address Dakota's behavior and ensure his well-being. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with Dakota's drunkenness and the impact on their relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is internal conflict within Dakota regarding his heritage and external conflict with Devonte's family dynamics, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with conflicts arising from the characters' differing values and beliefs, adding tension and complexity to the interactions.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are raised with the revelation of Dakota's heritage and the impact it may have on his relationship with Devonte and his family.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing new information, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the characters' dialogue and actions, keeping the audience intrigued and invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' values and beliefs regarding alcohol consumption, family dynamics, and acceptance. Devonte's concern for Dakota's well-being clashes with Dakota's desire to fit in and be accepted by his family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to surprise to introspection, engaging the audience in the characters' experiences.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging, witty, and reveals insights into the characters' thoughts and emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its humor, emotional depth, and relatable character interactions that draw the audience into the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing humor, emotion, and character development, creating a dynamic and engaging flow of events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that enhance the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear character motivations and development, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Critique
  • The scene's tone is inconsistent with the previous scene, as it abruptly shifts from a serious and emotional conversation to a lighthearted and humorous one.
  • The dialogue in this scene contains language and humor that may not be relatable or appropriate for all audiences, which could limit the scene's appeal and accessibility.
  • The revelation about Dakota's father's racial background feels sudden and lacks context, making it difficult for the reader to fully understand its significance and impact on the characters and their relationships.
Suggestions
  • Consider maintaining a consistent tone throughout the scene to ensure a smooth transition from the previous scene and to avoid confusing or alienating the reader.
  • Review the dialogue and humor to ensure they are relatable and appropriate for the intended audience, and consider making adjustments as needed to improve accessibility and appeal.
  • Provide more context and background information about Dakota's father's racial background to help the reader better understand its significance and impact on the characters and their relationships.



Scene 39 -  Confrontation and Reconciliation: A Revelation of Racial Identity and New Relationships
EXT. LAKESIDE COTTAGE-DAY

Dakota and Devonte pull up to the cottage. Loud 70's soul
music is blasting from inside. They step out of the car.

DEVONTE
Aw no Dad's home! That'll make this
weird!

DAKOTA
No, he's alone. My dad plays this song
right before he ends up giving me
another little brother.
118.


DEVONTE
We've gotta get that man snipped.

DAKOTA
You hold him down, I'll get the
scissors.

INT. COTTAGE LIVING ROOM-DAY

Dakota and Devonte let themselves in. The lights are down
low, there's candles lit and a bottle of champagne open on
the coffee table.

DEVONTE
Oh God! What's that smell?

Dakota takes a whiff.

DAKOTA
Cool Water, he drowns himself in that
stuff. We caught him right before--

The sound of an alarm goes off.

DEVONTE
What's that?

DAKOTA
Sweet potato pie, he makes it with
that honey that makes you horny!

DEVONTE
He's like a evil mastermind with a
race fetish!

Grady is heard singing as he enters and stops in his tracks.
He's wearing a robe.

GRADY
What are you doing here?

DEVONTE
It's Thanksgiving, we were wondering
if you two were coming down.

GRADY
Yeah we're coming. When I see him I'll
remind him.

DAKOTA
Also, are you my actual father?

GRADY
I know you're mad at me right now but
how could you--

Dakota shows Grady the letter.
119.


DAKOTA
It says here I'm 50 percent Black. I'm
not a math guy but if mom was half and
you're white, I should be no more than
a quarter.

DEVONTE
The technical term is Quadroon.

Grady hands the letter back to Dakota and sits down.

GRADY
I never thought I'd have this talk
with you but here we are. I'm mixed,
my father was Black and my mother was
white.

DEVONTE
How Black are we talking cause you
could pass as a member of the Doobie
Brothers!

GRADY
I'm told he was Louisiana Creole but I
never met him. Mother got pregnant and
dumped me off with my grandparents
cause she didn't wanna be seen with a
mulatto child.

DEVONTE
Actually, you'd be an Octoroon.

Dakota takes Devonte's hand and gives him a look that says
'not the time'.

GRADY
They used to beat the hell outta me.
They said it wasn't cause of race but
I was the blackest thing on that farm.
At sixteen, I got a one way ticket out
of Kentucky and I never looked back!

DAKOTA
So why is it whenever I showed an
interest in Black culture you shut me
down?

GRADY
I never did that!

DAKOTA
I listened to rap music and you told
me it was 'nigger noise'. I got a
blowout and you said 'you look like a
pale monkey!' I brought home friends
from the football team and you said
'why you bringing them field niggers
in the house?'
120.


DEVONTE
Which is wild considering the average
shade of your baby mommas is five
minutes after midnight!

DAKOTA
I was gonna say they could've played
Storm in the OG trilogy but yeah what
the fuck?

Grady gets up and stares out of the window for a moment. An
image of him as young boy being abused appears in the window.

GRADY
I always hated that part of myself
cause I associated it with the abuse
Ma and Pa put on me. But my new lover
has helped me see that their bigotry
was not a moral indictment on me!

Grady turns and takes Dakota by the hand.

GRADY
You're right, I shouldn't have tried
to suppress your identity due to
insecurities I've had about my own. I
perpetuated a cycle of generational
trauma and I want to help you break
the cycle!

Dakota and Devonte stare at Grady in absolute shock.

GRADY
What?

DEVONTE
I had no idea he knew that many words!

DAKOTA
Me neither!

GRADY
I told you this new lover of mine has
shown me a lot--

The sound of someone coming down the hall is heard.

GRADY
And now you've got gotta go!

Grady hurries the duo to the door.

DAKOTA
But wait! I have so many questions!

GRADY
I'll answer 'em after dinner! See ya
soon! Bye now!
121.


Grady is pushing them out of the door when Jerome enters in a
pink see-through kimono.

JEROME
I'm ready my--AAH!

DEVONTE
Dad? What are you--why are you--oh
God! Are you two--

Devonte can't even get the words out and makes a gesture
meant to represent sex.

GRADY
Is that supposed to be sex?

DAKOTA
We have an interesting private life.

JEROME
Yes it's true! I refuse to hide it
anymore!

Jerome takes Grady by the hand.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Dakota and Devonte visit Grady at his lakeside cottage, discovering his new relationship with Jerome. The tense and emotional scene unfolds as Dakota confronts Grady about his racial identity, leading to Grady revealing his complex racial background and past mistakes. Despite the conflicts, Grady commits to helping Dakota break the cycle of generational trauma. The scene ends with Grady pushing Dakota and Devonte out of the cottage as Jerome enters, revealing their relationship.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some potentially offensive language or themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor with deeper emotional moments, creating a compelling and engaging narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring identity, race, and family dynamics through a Thanksgiving gathering is unique and thought-provoking.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses through the revelation of Dakota's true heritage and the family dynamics surrounding it, adding depth to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on race, identity, and family dynamics through witty dialogue and unexpected revelations. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and original.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo some emotional changes, particularly in their understanding of each other and themselves.

Internal Goal: 8

Dakota's internal goal is to confront his father about his identity and the suppression of his Black culture. This reflects his need for acceptance and understanding of his heritage.

External Goal: 7

The external goal is to have a Thanksgiving dinner with the family, but it takes a backseat to the internal conflict between Dakota and his father.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is conflict present in the scene, particularly in the revelations about Dakota's heritage and the family dynamics.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the characters' conflicting beliefs, identities, and emotions. The audience is unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are raised in terms of family dynamics and identity, but not in a life-threatening way.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about the characters and their relationships.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations about the characters' identities and the emotional depth of their interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the characters' beliefs about race, identity, and acceptance. It challenges their views on family, heritage, and generational trauma.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions from humor to surprise to reflection, engaging the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, reflective, and confrontational, adding depth to the character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, drama, and emotional depth. The characters' conflicts and revelations keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing information, and developing character relationships. The rhythm of the dialogue keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is consistent with the genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and character interactions that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene's concept is interesting and adds depth to Grady's character, but the execution could be improved. The tone is uneven, with sudden shifts from serious to humorous that feel jarring.
  • The dialogue is overly expository and unnatural in parts, such as Devonte's constant quips and Grady's lengthy explanation. This could be addressed by breaking up the explanations into smaller, more conversational pieces.
  • The scene's pacing is slow, with long stretches of dialogue that could be condensed. This could be improved by focusing on the emotional beats and cutting unnecessary exposition.
  • The visual elements could be stronger, with more attention paid to the setting and character actions. For example, showing Grady's emotional journey through visual cues, like flashbacks or body language, would make the scene more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Establish the tone early on and maintain it throughout the scene. If the scene is meant to be emotional and serious, avoid humor that undercuts the tension.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational. Break up long speeches into shorter, more digestible pieces and focus on character interactions.
  • Edit the scene for pacing, removing unnecessary exposition and focusing on emotional beats. This will help maintain the audience's interest and keep the scene engaging.
  • Enhance the visual elements by using the setting and character actions to tell the story. Show Grady's emotional journey through visual cues, such as flashbacks or body language, to make the scene more impactful.



Scene 40 -  Chaos at the Dinner Table: Jerome and Grady's Announcement
INT. IN-LAWS DINING ROOM-NIGHT

Jerome is standing hand-in-hand with Grady in front of the
whole family at the dinner table. It looks like a very
progressive Norman Rockwell painting.

JEROME
Grady and I are sexual and romantic
partners!

Everyone reacts in absolute shock.

KALINA
What is it with the men in this family
and these Band-Aid colored negroes?

CHARLENE
Two months alone and y'all already
hunching? Are men really this easy?

ETHEL
Wouldn't be the first time I dated a
gay man. Johnny Mathis needed a favor.

MARLENA
The spirit of homosexuality is
devouring this entire family!

DEMETRIA
Honey, that's not the only thing
getting devoured!
122.


SHAQUEENA
Which one's doing the bending? My
money's on the red nigga but aye Uncle
J might got that D!

JA'NIAH
Does this mean I have two grandpas or
does one of your become grandma?

JAQUAN
How did this even happen?

Jerome puts his hand on Grady's waist.

JEROME
Grady and I have been spending a lot
of time in the lakehouse together. My
time in the service has taught me that
most straight men become incredibly
bisexual whenever hard liquor and John
Wayne movies are involved!

GRADY
That man gets me so hot under the
collar, I don't know why!

LATRICE
Let me get this straight: my closeted
gay ex-husband divorced me so he could
get with my gay son's supposedly
straight father?

GRADY
Wasn't really the intention from the
jump but yeah that's how it played
out.

DAKOTA
Since when are you bisexual? I've
never known this side of you! You
threw up so much when I came out you
lost 20 lbs!

GRADY
I've been suppressing a lot of shit,
alright? Life's short and I'm not
getting any younger!

JEROME
Neither am I. That's why I don't want
to wait another moment to do this!

Jerome pulls out a ring box and gets down on knee. Everyone
gasps.

JEROME
Grady Malcolm Luther Eastman, would
you make me the happiest man in the
123.


world and marry me?

Grady is at a loss for words and eventually faints. Jerome
releases a nightmarish wail deep from his soul. Grady pops
up.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Jerome and Grady announce their romantic and sexual relationship at the dinner table, causing shock and confusion among the family. Jerome proposes to Grady with a ring, but Grady faints in response. The family expresses a range of emotions, from disgust to surprise, and some make insensitive comments. The scene ends with Grady popping back up, but the main conflict remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Humor
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Stereotypical dialogue at times
  • Some reactions feel exaggerated

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, surprising, and emotionally impactful, with a good balance of humor and drama.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family members revealing their true selves and relationships in a comedic setting is well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot revolves around the revelation of Grady and Jerome's relationship, adding depth and complexity to the family dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through its fresh approach to LGBTQ+ relationships, unconventional family dynamics, and bold character interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters react authentically to the shocking revelation, showcasing their individual personalities and relationships.

Character Changes: 7

Grady and Jerome's relationship revelation leads to significant character growth and acceptance within the family.

Internal Goal: 8

Jerome's internal goal in this scene is to express his love and commitment to Grady openly and publicly, despite the potential backlash from his family. This reflects his need for acceptance, validation, and the desire to live authentically.

External Goal: 7

Jerome's external goal is to propose to Grady and receive a positive response. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing his family's reactions and potential judgment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict arises from the family's reactions to Grady and Jerome's relationship, leading to tension and humor.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the family members' reactions providing a challenging and unpredictable obstacle for Jerome and Grady. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate the situation.

High Stakes: 6

The high stakes come from the family's reactions to the unexpected revelation, impacting their relationships.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the family dynamics and relationships.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions from the family members, the unconventional proposal, and the humorous yet emotional tone. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between traditional family values and acceptance of non-traditional relationships. The family members' reactions reflect different belief systems and values, challenging Jerome and Grady's worldview and choices.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions from shock to acceptance, making it emotionally resonant.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the characters' thoughts and emotions effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, drama, and tension, as well as the bold character interactions and unexpected plot twists. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, humor, and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are well-defined.

Structure: 7

The structure of the scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic/comedic family gathering, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene is quite chaotic with a lot of dialogue and action happening at once, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow.
  • Some of the character's reactions to Jerome and Grady's announcement are offensive and could be seen as homophobic, which may not be the intended message.
  • The dialogue is quite witty and humorous, but it can also come off as harsh and hurtful, especially towards Grady.
  • The scene could benefit from a more focused and cohesive structure, with clearer transitions between the different reactions and comments from the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider toning down some of the character's reactions to make them more sensitive and respectful towards Jerome and Grady's announcement.
  • Try to create a more structured flow to the scene, perhaps by focusing on smaller groups of characters reacting at a time, which can help the reader follow the action more easily.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection or contemplation from the characters after the announcement, which can help to create a more thoughtful and nuanced tone.
  • Make sure to maintain the witty and humorous dialogue, but also ensure that it does not overshadow the significance of the announcement or the characters' emotions.



Scene 41 -  Resolving Conflicts and Healing Wounds in the Hospital
INT. HOSPPITAL LOBBY-NIGHT

Jerome and Latrice are waiting in the lobby with the twins.

LATRICE
How long does it take to get some
Waffle House and come back?

There's a long silence.

JEROME
Latrice, you haven't looked me in the
eye all night.

LATRICE
I saw them eyes for 50 years, I had my
fill.

JEROME
Would you please talk to me?

LATRICE
I have nothing to say to you Jerome.
We are divorced. We live separate
lives. You're getting remarried for
Christ's sake! What else is there to
say?

JEROME
I'm sorry.

Latrice laughs.

JEROME
I'm serious. I put you through the
ringer for so long and I ended things
in the worst way possible. All I did
was dig the knife in deeper. Nothing
will ever undo that. But I'm from the
bottom of my soul, I'm sorry.

Latrice falls silent. She takes Jerome's hand and looks him
in the eye as she holds back tears. With a slight nod, she
releases him. Nothing more can be said.

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM-NIGHT

Grady is asleep as Dakota waits by his bedside.

GRADY
Cody?
124.


DAKOTA
Hey, how you feeling?

GRADY
Like shit. What'd I have? A heart
attack?

DAKOTA
Stroke. Doc says lay off the red meat
and beer.

Grady and Dakota both laugh a bit.

GRADY
I'm guessing by you not pulling the
plug means you're not mad at me
anymore?

DAKOTA
I still think you were a horrible
father. But I understand why you were
a horrible father.

GRADY
Where do we go from here?

Dakota fails to find the words. He turns on the TV. A
football game is on.

GRADY
Broncos are looking good this year.

DAKOTA
I'm more of a Falcons fan nowadays.

GRADY
Falcons? Get outta here! The Broncos
are going to the Superbowl next year!

DAKOTA
Yeah and the Knicks are winning the
championship! Get real!

Dakota and Grady bicker amongst each other. Devonte enters.

DEVONTE
Look who's up!

Devonte hands Dakota his food.

DEVONTE
It took a while because a fight broke
out and then niggas started fighting
cause their food took long cause of
the fight. Everything good in here?

DAKOTA
It will be.
125.


Dakota starts eating and Grady leans over.

GRADY
Whatcha got there?

DAKOTA
You just had a stroke!

GRADY
I'm here for a good time not a long
time! Give me some eggs!

Dakota and Grady bicker with one another. Devonte smiles and
exits as he closes the door.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary Jerome and Latrice have a heartfelt conversation in the hospital lobby, where Jerome apologizes for his past actions and they share a moment of understanding. Meanwhile, in the hospital room, Grady wakes up after his stroke and begins to reconcile with Dakota, while Devonte joins them and they engage in playful banter. The scene takes place at night and highlights the emotional journeys of the characters as they navigate their relationships and conflicts.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is emotionally impactful and well-written, delving deep into the characters' past and present struggles. The reconciliation between Jerome and Latrice is moving and authentic.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of reconciliation and forgiveness is well-executed in the scene, providing a poignant moment of closure for the characters.

Plot: 7

While the plot mainly focuses on the emotional dynamics between Jerome and Latrice, it adds depth to their characters and sets the stage for potential growth and resolution.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and authentic portrayal of complex family dynamics, past traumas, and the journey towards forgiveness and reconciliation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and relatable, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Jerome and Latrice are well-developed characters with complex emotions and histories. Their interactions feel authentic and resonate with the audience.

Character Changes: 7

Both Jerome and Latrice undergo emotional growth and reconciliation in the scene, leading to a shift in their relationship dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Jerome's internal goal is to seek forgiveness and closure with Latrice, reflecting his desire for redemption and reconciliation after causing pain in their relationship.

External Goal: 7

The external goal is to navigate the complex dynamics of their past relationship and current circumstances, reflecting the challenges of moving forward and finding peace.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is emotional tension between Jerome and Latrice, the scene focuses more on resolution and closure rather than intense conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs, values, and relationships. The audience is left unsure about the outcome, adding tension and suspense to the scene.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are emotional and personal, focusing on the characters' internal struggles and relationships rather than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene doesn't significantly move the main plot forward, it deepens the characters' development and sets the stage for future interactions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the raw and honest emotions, unexpected moments of reconciliation, and the characters' complex relationships that keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around forgiveness, acceptance, and the complexities of human relationships. It challenges the characters' beliefs about love, forgiveness, and moving on.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, regret, and hope as Jerome and Latrice confront their past and seek reconciliation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant and realistic, capturing the emotional nuances of the characters' relationship and past struggles.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its raw and emotional dialogue, complex character dynamics, and moments of reconciliation and forgiveness that keep the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively conveys the emotional depth and tension of the characters' interactions, creating a sense of urgency and vulnerability that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, effectively conveying the emotional and dramatic elements of the story.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the emotional depth and complexity of the characters' interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene is a bit stiff and unnatural. It doesn't feel like real people talking to each other. For example, when Jerome says "I'm sorry," it comes across as very formal and rehearsed.
  • The pacing of the scene is a bit slow. There's not a lot of action or movement, and the dialogue is mostly just people talking about their feelings. This can make the scene feel a bit boring and拖沓.
  • The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt. It feels like it just cuts off without really giving the audience a chance to process what they've seen.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot of the story. It's mostly just a bunch of talk, and it doesn't really move the characters forward in any way.
  • The scene doesn't really have a clear purpose. It's not really clear what the characters are trying to accomplish, or what they're trying to learn from each other.
Suggestions
  • Try to make the dialogue more natural and conversational. Use contractions, slang, and other informal language to make it sound like real people talking.
  • Add some more action or movement to the scene. Have the characters move around, or do something other than just talk.
  • Give the scene a more clear ending. Have the characters come to some sort of resolution, or at least have them learn something new about themselves or each other.
  • Try to make the scene more relevant to the plot of the story. Have the characters discuss something that will move the story forward, or have them learn something that will help them overcome a challenge.
  • Give the scene a more clear purpose. What do you want the characters to learn from each other? What do you want the audience to learn from the scene?



Scene 42 -  Driving Home and Planning the Future
INT. EASTMAN VAN-NIGHT

Devonte is driving the family home as Dakota looks deep in
thought.

DEVONTE
Something on your mind?

DAKOTA
When we came here, I thought it was
the worst decision we could've ever
made. But now? While it hasn't been
cake, I'm glad we made the move.

Devonte is touched and takes Dakota's hand.

DEVONTE
Me too.

Devonte and Dakota kiss.

DAKOTA
By the way, our dads want you to plan
the wedding and I already said you
would.

DEVONTE
You could've asked me before--

DAKOTA
It was either that or chipping in for
your dad's new penile implant as a
wedding gift.

Devonte sighs and shakes his head.

DEVONTE
Do they have a color scheme in mind?

DAKOTA
Also, your mother wants to live with
us and I already said yes.
126.


Devonte motions to respond but words fail and he just sighs
and keeps driving.

CUT TO BLACK
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Family"]

Summary Devonte and Dakota drive home after an event, discussing their recent move. Dakota is now glad they moved, and they share a kiss. Dakota assigns Devonte the task of planning their wedding, and Devonte learns that his mother will live with them after the wedding. This news causes Devonte to sigh, but he keeps his feelings to himself. The scene takes place in Eastman's van at night, and the warm and affectionate tone is lightened by humor and playfulness. The visual elements include Devonte driving, Dakota looking thoughtful, and Devonte and Dakota kissing, with Devonte's sigh serving as a significant response to the unexpected news.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Some dialogue may feel forced or unnatural

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor, reflection, and heartwarming moments to create a compelling narrative that resonates with the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family dynamics, acceptance, and love is well-developed and drives the emotional core of the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the characters' relationships and decisions, moving the story forward while highlighting key themes.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on family dynamics and relationships, with authentic dialogue and relatable situations that feel original and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and undergo growth and development, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters undergo changes, particularly in their relationships and acceptance of each other.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the changing dynamics within their family and come to terms with the new responsibilities and challenges that have arisen.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the unexpected requests and responsibilities that have been placed on them by their family members.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there are tensions and conflicts within the relationships, the overall tone is more reflective and hopeful.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is subtle but effective, creating tension and conflict that drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 5

While there are personal stakes involved in the characters' decisions, the overall tone is more about growth and acceptance.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by resolving conflicts, making decisions, and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected requests and revelations that challenge the protagonist's sense of control and autonomy.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's sense of duty and obligation to their family versus their own desires and autonomy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to heartwarming moments, leaving a lasting impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities and relationships effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, relatable family dynamics, and the emotional depth of the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, allowing the audience to connect with the characters and their dilemmas.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, making it easy to read and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural flow of conversation and character interactions, adhering to the expected structure for a dialogue-driven scene.


Critique
  • The dialogue is a bit too on the nose and doesn't feel natural. For example, the line 'When we came here, I thought it was the worst decision we could've ever made. But now? While it hasn't been cake, I'm glad we made the move' is a bit too expositional and doesn't really add anything to the scene.
  • The scene doesn't really have a clear purpose or goal. It's just a conversation between Devonte and Dakota about their move and their future plans. There's no real conflict or resolution, and it doesn't really advance the plot or develop the characters.
  • The scene is a bit too long and could be trimmed down to make it more concise and impactful.
  • The ending of the scene is a bit abrupt and doesn't really give the audience a satisfying conclusion.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and less expositional.
  • Give the scene a clear purpose or goal, and make sure that the dialogue and action work towards that goal.
  • Trim down the scene to make it more concise and impactful.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying conclusion.