Read Prey For The Night with its analysis


See Full Analysis here



Scene 1 -  A Deadly Morning
EXT. CHAMBERS HOUSE - MORNING

The warm glow of the sun just beginning to rise over a small
craftsman-style home in affluent Brentwood Heights.

Through the bay window we see a WOMAN sitting at her desk,
working on her computer, her back to us.


INT. CHAMBERS HOUSE/LIVING ROOM - MORNING

SOMEONE’S POV creeping through the house, finding-

ALISON CHAMBERS, 30s, smart, focused, wearing an oversized t-
shirt and jammies, her fingers dancing across the keyboard in
between sips of coffee.

Noise cancelling headphones on, listening to music. She’s in
“her zone” - completely focused on the words on the screen.
Nothing else exists.

AS WE MOVE CLOSER, she spins, startled.

ALISON
Jesus.

She whips off her headphones.

CARL
Sorry babe didn’t mean to scare
you.

Her husband CARL, 30s, wrapped in a towel, fresh from the
shower, leans in and kisses her on the cheek.

CARL
Morning.

ALISON
Morning babe.

CARL
Did you get some sleep?

ALISON
You know me.

CARL
That’s a no.
2.


ALISON
I got a few hours.

CARL
Better. How’s it going?

ALISON
Almost done. I’m close babe. Real
close.

CARL
That’s my girl. Keep fighting the
good fight, I’m proud of you.

He moves in for more than a kiss.

ALISON
Don’t start.

CARL
What?

ALISON
I’m working.

CARL
Time for a break.

She playfully pushes him away.

ALISON
Later.

CARL
Promise?

ALISON
Promise.

He heads back towards the bathroom.

CARL
I’m gonna’ hold you to that.

ALISON
Don’t threaten me with a good time.

She slips her headphones back on, spins back to the keyboard,
typing away in a frenzy, the words spilling onto the screen.

Then it hits her. She grabs her cell phone and shoots off a
quick text.

Back to the keyboard, when suddenly-
3.


CRACK. Her head is smashed into the monitor, shattering the
screen. Her head bobbles to the side as-

QUICK CUTS

Latex-gloved hands wrap a bra around her neck, yanking it
into a noose and dragging her out of her chair.

Her coffee cup shattering on the floor.

Her hands grabbing for the bra as it’s pulled tighter and
tighter around her neck. Desperate.

Her head hitting the floor. Eyes bulging.

Her feet kicking.

Her blurry POV of her ATTACKER.

He dangles her from the noose with one hand as he holds up
his CELL PHONE with the other, recording her-

Arms flailing. Reaching for him.

Choking for air. Trying desperately to scream but she can’t.

Eyes bulging, head twitching, and then-

She stops. Spits out her last breath. It’s over.

The Killer clicks open a long STRAIGHT-EDGE RAZOR.

Keeps recording as he-

SLASHES HER, carving something we don’t see. He stops,
winded. Satisfied. Folds up the razor.

KILLER’S POV through the phone, slowly zooming in on Alison’s
lifeless body.

We study her for a long beat, making sure she’s dead, stop
recording, get up and move to the hallway-

Where we find Carl, lying sprawled on the floor, boxers on,
in a pool of blood, hair still wet from the shower, throat
slashed -- DEAD.

WE MOVE to the door that leads out into the backyard.

Click off the lights and disappear into the shadows.
4.


INT. REID HOME/LIVING ROOM - SUNRISE

A modest tract house built in the 1950s. Simply decorated. No
clutter. Everything has its place.

ERIN REID, 40’s, gets ready for work. A quiet confidence,
hiding scars we don’t see.

She’s pretty when she’s happy, but today something weighs
heavy. Something she just can’t shake.

Jeopardy is on the TV in the background.

JEOPARDY HOST
It’s the only country that borders
both the Caspian Sea and the
Persian Gulf.

REID
What is Iran?

CONTESTANT #1
What is Iran?

JEOPARDY HOST
He came to power 34 days before FDR
and left it 19 days after him.

REID
Who is Adolf Hitler?

CONTESTANT #1
Who is Stalin?

JEOPARDY HOST
I’m sorry, the correct answer is
Who is Adolf Hitler.

She turns off the TV. Notices a text on her phone.

It’s from ALISON CHAMBERS.

REID
“I know who the Sunset Killer is.
Call me.”

Shakes her head. Here we go again. She pockets the phone.

Grabs her BADGE and GUN as she heads out the door.
5.


EXT. REID HOUSE - SUNRISE

Reid steps out, freezes as the door clicks shut behind her.
She takes a deep breath, steels herself -- everything is
going to be okay -- and marches on, just like she does every
day.

SOMEONE’S POV watching her from the driver’s seat of a car
parked across the street, careful not to be seen.

CLICK, CLICK, CLICK. We take a few pictures as-

Reid climbs into her Police-issued unmarked Crown Victoria,
pulls out of the driveway and heads off.
Genres: ["Thriller","Mystery"]

Summary Alison Chambers and her husband, Carl, are at home when the Killer enters and brutally murders them. Before her death, Alison sends a text to Erin Reid, claiming to know the identity of the Sunset Killer. Reid receives the message, leaves for work, and becomes aware of being watched by someone in a car across the street.
Strengths
  • Intense and suspenseful opening
  • Effective introduction of new character
  • Intriguing setup for the central conflict
Weaknesses
  • Lack of standout dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly suspenseful and intense, immediately grabbing the audience's attention with a shocking and unexpected murder. The introduction of a new character and the revelation of a potential breakthrough in the case adds intrigue and raises the stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a serial killer targeting individuals and the subsequent investigation by a detective is a familiar but effective premise in the thriller genre. The scene introduces a unique twist by having the victim reach out to another character with crucial information.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-crafted, starting with a peaceful morning scene and quickly escalating to a brutal murder. The introduction of Erin Reid and the text message from the victim adds a new layer of mystery and propels the plot forward.

Originality: 4

The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The situation of a protagonist working on a project while being interrupted by their partner is a familiar one in many domestic dramas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is realistic and relatable, but does not offer any fresh or unique approaches.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are introduced effectively, with Alison Chambers portrayed as a dedicated and focused writer, and Erin Reid as a determined detective. Their interactions and the contrast between their lives create intrigue and investment in their stories.

Character Changes: 7

There is not much character development or change in this scene, as it primarily focuses on the introduction of characters and the setup of the central conflict.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to focus on her work and make progress on her writing. This reflects her desire to succeed and achieve her goals as a writer, as well as her fear of distractions and interruptions.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to continue working on her writing and make progress towards completing it. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding time and focus to work on her project while balancing her personal life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and immediate, with Alison being attacked and killed by an unknown assailant. The introduction of Erin Reid and the text message raises the stakes and adds a new layer of conflict as she becomes involved in the investigation.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with the challenge of balancing her work and personal life, and is ultimately confronted by a dangerous killer.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in this scene, with the brutal murder of Alison and the potential revelation of the Sunset Killer's identity. Erin Reid's involvement in the case adds personal stakes for her as well.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing a new character, Erin Reid, and establishing her connection to the murder case. The text message from Alison also hints at a potential breakthrough in the investigation.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because it starts off as a typical domestic scene but takes a dark and unexpected turn with the introduction of the killer and the murder of the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, with the shocking and brutal murder of Alison. The suddenness and brutality of the attack create a sense of fear and unease.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships. However, there are no particularly memorable or standout lines in this scene.

Engagement: 7

This scene is engaging because it introduces the protagonist and her daily routine, establishes her goals and challenges, and ends with a shocking and unexpected twist that leaves the audience wanting to know more.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense. It starts off slow and calm, then gradually increases the pace and intensity with the introduction of the killer and the murder.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, capitalization, and punctuation.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions of the setting and characters, and dialogue formatted correctly.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and effectively sets up the tension and suspense for the rest of the screenplay.
  • The visual elements are strong and help to create a vivid picture of the events unfolding.
  • The dialogue is minimal but serves its purpose in establishing the characters and their relationships.
  • The use of quick cuts and Killer's POV adds to the intensity of the scene.
  • However, the scene could benefit from more character development for Alison and Carl, as their deaths are the catalyst for the rest of the story.
  • Additionally, the text message from Alison to Reid feels a bit contrived and could be better integrated into the scene.
  • Finally, the scene could benefit from more attention to pacing, as some of the action feels rushed while other moments linger too long.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more scenes that establish Alison and Carl's relationship and their importance to the story.
  • Integrate the text message from Alison more seamlessly into the scene, perhaps by having her receive it while Carl is still present.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the scene to find the right balance between tension and action.
  • Consider adding more dialogue to further establish the characters and their relationships.
  • Overall, the scene is strong but could benefit from some additional development and refinement.



Scene 2 -  AIRTALK Discusses Sunset Killer Case
INT. KPCC RADIO STATION/AIRTALK STUDIO - DAY

We’re in the recording studio for AIRTALK, NPR’s local talk
show, with our host LARRY MANTLE, 60s, broadcast legend.

His guests are-

JACK HEDON, 40s, expensive shirt, nice jacket, no tie.

Jack never met a microphone or camera he didn’t love. A frat-
boy arrogance with a disarming smile, but we can’t help
ourselves - we like him right away.

DEREK COLLINS, 30s, laid back, unassuming, casual in a nice t-
shirt and jeans.

LARRY
Welcome back. Today, on the tenth
anniversary of the Sunset Killer’s
last murder, we’re talking to Jack
Hedon, crime reporter for the Los
Angeles Times, whose latest report
coming out this week takes a look
back at the Sunset Killer, and
Derek Collins, who was wrongly
accused and arrested for the
murders at the time. So, Jack,
you’ve been writing about the
Sunset Killer for a decade, you won
a Pulitzer for your reporting on
the investigation at the time-

JACK
I did.

LARRY
Making a few enemies in the LAPD
along the way.
6.


JACK
I have nothing but respect for what
our officers do twenty-four-seven,
but at the end of the day our goals
are the same. To get to the truth.
Have I ruffled a few feathers?
Sure. But sometimes that’s what you
have to do to get the job done.

LARRY
Derek, how you were swept up in all
of this.

DEREK
The police had DNA from the Sunset
Killer’s latest attack, the one
where the victim got away.

LARRY
Jane Doe, the Laurel Canyon Park
attack.

DEREK
She cut his arm with a razor knife
when she escaped, so they got his
blood off the razor.

LARRY
But it wasn’t yours.

DEREK
No, but I had been arrested for a
DUI in Hollywood around the same
time as the attack, and my blood
sample got mixed up with the blood
sample from the crime scene.

LARRY
And then what happened?

DEREK
I was in twin towers for about two
months when he killed again. My
sister Alison was fighting to prove
my innocence. She discovered the
lab’s mistake and they let me go.

LARRY
Jack, I understand you have a new
book about the Sunset Killer coming
out later this year.
7.


JACK
Writing the final chapter as we
speak.

LARRY
What’s the fascination? I mean
people eat this stuff up.

JACK
I think they just want to see what
the face of evil really looks like.

LARRY
Any new theories? Suspects?

JACK
There is someone close to the
investigation they wouldn’t look
at.

LARRY
A police officer?

A knowing smile.

JACK
I don’t want to ruin it for my
readers.

LARRY
Erin Reid, lead Homicide Detective
on the case, said SK got scared,
spooked, and that’s why he stopped.
What do you think?

A dramatic pause, milking it.


INT. CROWN VIC (MOVING) - DAY

Reid, listens to the interview.

JACK
(over radio)
I think he’s been waiting.

Reid turns off the radio.

REID
Asshole.

Maybe she blames herself.
8.


She dials her phone. It rings as we-

CUT TO:


INT. CHAMBERS HOUSE/LIVING ROOM - MORNING

ALISON’S CELL PHONE lies in a pool of blood on the floor,
just out of her reach, ringing as we float past it towards
her lifeless body.

Reid’s call goes to voicemail.

ALISON
(over phone)
Hey it’s Alison. Waaaaay too busy
fighting the good fight. Leave a
message.

BEEP.

REID
(over phone)
Alison it’s Detective Reid. Got
your text. Give me a call when you
get this.

We keep moving until we settle on the words our killer carved
into Alison’s back-

MISS ME?

REID
(over phone)
Hope you’re well.

CLICK. Reid hangs up. But then-

ALISON’S FINGERS TWITCH, trembling as they slowly ball into a
fist, ready to fight, then drop to the floor, still.


INT. CROWN VIC (PARKED) - DAY

Reid is FaceTiming on her phone. It’s on speaker.

SALLY
(over phone)
So how’s your day going?

REID
Just another day right?
9.


SALLY
You and I both know that’s not
true.

REID
Well maybe if I say it enough times
it will be. I mean why should I
give this day any more weight than
any other.

SALLY
And yet, you do.

A long silence. Reid shakes her head.

SALLY
Erin, we talked about this.

REID
About what?

SALLY
Talking about this.

More silence.

SALLY
Why don’t you come inside and we
can sit down and talk face to face,
like we used to.

WIDER to reveal that Reid is sitting in her car in the
parking lot of a Medical Office Building.

She sits in silence for a beat, fighting some internal
struggle, then-

REID
Nobody is making me come here.

SALLY
And nobody is making you stay.

That lands.
Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Drama"]

Summary Larry Mantle hosts his talk show AIRTALK with guests Jack Hedon and Derek Collins to discuss the Sunset Killer case. Jack hints at a police officer being a suspect in his new book. Erin Reid listens to the interview in her car and later FaceTimes with Sally. The scene ends with Alison's lifeless body and Reid FaceTiming with Sally.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tension and suspense
  • Intriguing plot
Weaknesses

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 9

    The scene effectively establishes the central conflict and introduces intriguing elements that engage the audience. The dialogue is well-crafted and reveals important information while maintaining a sense of suspense.


    Story Content

    Concept: 8

    The concept of exploring a wrongful accusation and the investigation of a serial killer is compelling and provides a strong foundation for the scene.

    Plot: 9

    The plot is engaging and keeps the audience invested in the story. The revelation of the lab's mistake and the potential involvement of a police officer as a suspect adds layers of intrigue.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a crime reporter discussing a high-profile case is not entirely unique, the specific details and dynamics between the characters add freshness to the familiar situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters are well-defined and their motivations and conflicts are established effectively. The dynamic between Jack, Derek, and Larry creates tension and intrigue.

    Character Changes: 7

    While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the potential for character growth and development is established through Derek's wrongful accusation and Jack's investigation.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain their credibility and reputation as a crime reporter. This reflects their deeper need for recognition and validation of their expertise and skills.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to promote their upcoming book about the Sunset Killer. This reflects the immediate circumstance of wanting to generate interest and anticipation for the book's release.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 9

    The conflict between Jack and the LAPD, as well as Derek's wrongful accusation, creates a high level of tension and suspense in the scene.

    Opposition: 8

    The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces challenges in maintaining their credibility and promoting their book. The audience is unsure of how these challenges will be resolved.

    High Stakes: 9

    The stakes are high as the characters are dealing with a serial killer and the potential involvement of a police officer. The danger and consequences of the situation are emphasized.

    Story Forward: 9

    The scene moves the story forward by introducing new information and raising questions about the identity of the Sunset Killer. It also sets up potential conflicts and dangers for the characters.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it hints at a potential twist in the investigation and leaves the audience curious about the identity of the suspect mentioned by the crime reporter. The introduction of a new murder adds an element of surprise.

    Philosophical Conflict: 0

    There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 8

    The scene elicits empathy for Derek's unjust situation and creates a sense of unease and anticipation regarding the potential danger the characters face.

    Dialogue: 10

    The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters and the plot. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters.

    Engagement: 8

    This scene is engaging because it introduces a high-stakes situation and presents intriguing information about the characters and the case they are discussing. The dialogue is concise and impactful, keeping the audience's attention.

    Pacing: 9

    The pacing of the scene is effective in maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue is snappy and moves the scene forward, while the pauses and dramatic moments create tension and anticipation.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

    Structure: 9

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a setting description, introduces the characters, and progresses through a conversation that reveals important information and advances the plot.


    Critique
    • The scene starts off with a strong introduction of the setting and the characters involved in the talk show. The descriptions of Larry Mantle, Jack Hedon, and Derek Collins provide a clear image of their personalities and appearances.
    • The dialogue between Larry, Jack, and Derek is engaging and informative, providing background information about the Sunset Killer case and the characters' involvement in it.
    • The tension and conflict are effectively built up through the discussion of the police officer being a suspect and the revelation of Derek's wrongful arrest.
    • The transition from the talk show studio to Reid listening in her car is smooth and helps maintain the suspense.
    • The visual description of Alison's lifeless body and the words carved into her back adds a chilling and disturbing element to the scene.
    • The FaceTime conversation between Reid and Sally adds emotional depth and reveals Reid's internal struggle.
    • The scene ends with a powerful line that leaves the reader wanting to know more about Reid's situation.
    • Overall, the scene effectively conveys tension, suspense, and emotional turmoil, while providing important information about the Sunset Killer case and the characters involved.
    Suggestions
    • Consider adding more visual details to the talk show studio to enhance the reader's immersion in the scene.
    • Explore opportunities to further develop the dynamic between Larry, Jack, and Derek through their interactions and reactions to each other's statements.
    • Provide more context or details about the Sunset Killer case to help the reader understand its significance and impact on the characters.
    • Consider adding more sensory details to Reid's listening experience in the car to create a stronger sense of atmosphere.
    • Explore ways to heighten the suspense and tension during the FaceTime conversation between Reid and Sally, such as through the use of shorter, more impactful dialogue exchanges.
    • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or reaction from Reid after seeing the words carved into Alison's back to emphasize the emotional impact of the scene.
    • End the scene with a stronger cliffhanger or revelation to leave the reader with a greater sense of anticipation and curiosity.



    Scene 3 -  Struggles and Reflections
    INT. THERAPIST OFFICE - DAY

    SALLY YOUNG, 60s, Reid’s therapist, is at her desk talking to
    Reid on her iPad. Framed degrees line the wall behind her.
    10.


    SALLY
    It’s up to you. Give in, give up,
    fight, runaway, hide, it’s your
    decision. Just make the one you can
    live with.

    REID
    (over iPad)
    My best decisions got me here.

    Reid is closing down on her. She knows.

    SALLY
    You can be pretty hard on yourself.

    REID
    You should have met my dad.

    SALLY
    Was he a cop?

    REID
    Engineer for TRW.

    SALLY
    A man of science.

    REID
    A man of certitude.

    SALLY
    Like you.


    INT. CROWN VIC (PARKED) - DAY

    Reid’s eyes beginning to tear up at the memory.

    REID
    I like the truth. The truth is
    messy. He didn’t like messy.

    SALLY
    Your mom?

    REID
    She didn’t like him.

    SALLY
    What did she like?

    REID
    Gin and tonics and tennis
    instructors.
    11.


    EXT. GARRETT’S HOUSE - DAY

    A small two-bedroom house in Larchmont Village. Nice, but not
    too nice.

    Reid pulls up in the Crown Vic. She walks towards the front
    door with two coffees as her therapy session with Sally
    continues over.

    SALLY (VO)
    Have you talked to Mitch?

    REID (VO)
    I don’t know if he wants to talk
    about it.

    SALLY (VO)
    You’ll never know if you don’t ask.

    She reaches the front door. Hesitates. A regretful sigh.

    REID (VO)
    Yeah.

    Knocks.

    The front door swings open and we meet MITCH GARRETT, 60s,
    sweatpants and an old Pink’s Hot Dogs T-shirt.

    If he’s had a night of sleep in the last few days, it doesn’t
    show. Not excited to see us.

    GARRETT
    Figured you’d come by. You bring
    coffee?

    Reid is all smiles, happy to see her old partner.

    REID
    You know I did.

    She hands him a cup of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee.

    REID
    Regular, extra sugar.

    GARRETT
    And you won’t leave?

    She tries to read him, but he has a veteran cop’s poker face.

    REID
    I just wanted to check in.
    12.


    She keeps peeking over his shoulder, trying to see into the
    house.

    GARRETT
    Don’t do that.

    REID
    What?

    GARRETT
    Worry.

    Studies him. Concerned.

    REID
    You don’t look so good Mitch.

    GARRETT
    Well appearances are pretty low on
    my priorities these days.

    REID
    Yeah, I know. It’s just with the
    anniversary-

    GARRETT
    SK. Forgot all about that asshole.

    He hasn’t. She knows.

    REID
    So, you’re good?

    GARRETT
    Considering.

    REID
    Good. Maybe-

    GARRETT
    We should do this another time.

    Takes the hint.

    REID
    Yeah. I’ll... I’ll give you a call.

    GARRETT
    You do that, thanks for the coffee.

    She starts to walk away, then spins back-

    REID
    If you need-
    13.


    But CLICK, he’s already closed the door.

    REID
    - anything...

    A heavy sigh. Disappointed. Can’t say she didn’t expect this.

    REID
    (to herself)
    It wasn’t our fault.

    But maybe she doesn’t believe it.


    INT. LOS ANGELES TIMES NEWSROOM - DAY

    A few REPORTERS and EDITORS mill about the large, half-empty
    newsroom. Everyone here knows this is a dying business.

    Jack enters with a “world by the balls strut”, expecting
    everyone to notice-

    JACK
    Killed it!

    Except they don’t. Jack smirks, “fuck them”, and heads to his
    desk. Just as he’s about to sit-

    KARLA (O.C.)
    Well look who finally decided to
    show up.

    KARLA BECERRA, 50s, Jack’s boss, and not afraid to remind
    him.

    JACK
    The prodigal son returns.

    KARLA
    You. My office. Now!

    She turns back into her office. He follows.

    Now that his coworkers noticed.

    REPORTER
    Go get ‘em buddy. Maybe you’re
    getting your old office back.

    JACK
    Fuck you.

    He spins and gives him the finger as he steps into Karla’s
    office.
    14.
    Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

    Summary Reid visits her therapist Sally to discuss her decision-making process and her difficult relationship with her father. She then visits her former partner Mitch, who is distant and struggling with the anniversary of a case they worked on together. Meanwhile, Jack returns to the newsroom and has a tense encounter with his boss Karla. The scene ends with Jack entering Karla's office.
    Strengths
    • Engaging dialogue
    • Emotional depth
    • Well-developed characters
    Weaknesses
    • Lack of clear direction
    • Pacing could be improved

    Ratings
    Overall

    Overall: 8

    The scene effectively establishes the emotional state of the characters and hints at a deeper conflict. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important backstory. However, the pacing could be improved to create more tension.


    Story Content

    Concept: 7

    The concept of exploring the emotional impact of a past event and the strained relationship between Reid and Mitch is intriguing. However, it could be further developed to create more depth and complexity.

    Plot: 7

    The plot progresses as Reid visits Mitch and tries to reconnect with him. The scene sets up a potential conflict and raises questions about their past. However, it lacks a clear direction and resolution.

    Originality: 6

    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situations and characters are familiar, the writer brings a fresh approach through their nuanced dialogue and the emotional depth of the interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


    Character Development

    Characters: 9

    The characters are well-developed and their emotions are effectively conveyed. Reid is determined and caring, while Mitch is guarded and distant. Their contrasting personalities create tension and intrigue.

    Character Changes: 7

    Reid shows determination and care for Mitch, while Mitch remains guarded and distant. There is potential for character growth and change in future scenes.

    Internal Goal: 8

    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reconnect with her old partner and offer support. This reflects her desire for connection and her need to feel useful and helpful.

    External Goal: 7

    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to check in on her old partner and offer him coffee. This reflects the immediate circumstance of the anniversary and her desire to show support.


    Scene Elements

    Conflict Level: 6

    There is a subtle conflict between Reid and Mitch, as well as the unresolved conflict from their past. However, the conflict could be heightened to create more tension and engagement.

    Opposition: 7

    The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist's old partner is resistant to her presence and closes the door on her. This creates a sense of conflict and tension, leaving the audience uncertain of how their relationship will progress.

    High Stakes: 6

    The stakes are not explicitly high in this scene, but there is a sense of emotional weight and potential consequences for the characters' actions.

    Story Forward: 7

    The scene introduces a potential conflict and raises questions about the characters' past. It moves the story forward by establishing the strained relationship between Reid and Mitch.

    Unpredictability: 7

    This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a sense of mystery and unresolved tension between the protagonist and her old partner. The reader is unsure of how their interaction will unfold and what secrets or revelations may be revealed.

    Philosophical Conflict: 0

    There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


    Audience Engagement

    Emotional Impact: 8

    The scene evokes a sense of sadness, disappointment, and concern. The emotional impact is effectively conveyed through the characters' dialogue and actions.

    Dialogue: 8

    The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the characters' past and their relationship. It effectively conveys their emotions and adds depth to the scene.

    Engagement: 9

    This scene is engaging because it presents a compelling emotional conflict between the protagonist and her old partner. The dialogue and subtext create tension and intrigue, making the reader want to know more about their relationship and the events that led to their current situation.

    Pacing: 8

    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of introspection and emotional depth with moments of action and dialogue. It keeps the reader engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


    Technical Aspect

    Formatting: 9

    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting to clearly convey the visual and auditory elements of the scene.

    Structure: 8

    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting and characters, establishes the protagonist's goals, and progresses the narrative through dialogue and action.


    Critique
    • The scene starts with Sally Young, Reid's therapist, talking to Reid on her iPad. The dialogue between them is minimal but reveals some important information about Reid's past and her relationship with her father. However, the scene lacks a clear objective or conflict. It feels more like an exposition dump rather than a scene that moves the story forward.
    • The transition from the therapist's office to Reid's parked Crown Victoria is abrupt and doesn't flow smoothly. It's unclear why the scene shifts to the Crown Victoria and what its purpose is in the overall story.
    • The interaction between Reid and Mitch Garrett, her former partner, is more engaging and has some tension. However, the dialogue feels a bit on the nose and lacks subtlety. The conversation about the anniversary of a case they worked on together and Garrett's current state could be more nuanced and layered.
    • The scene in the newsroom with Jack Hedon and his boss Karla Becerra introduces a new setting and characters, but it feels disconnected from the previous scenes. The tone and conflict in this scene are different from the previous ones, and it's unclear how it relates to the overall story.
    • Overall, the scene lacks a clear objective and conflict, and the transitions between locations and characters are abrupt and disjointed. The dialogue could be more nuanced and subtle, and the scenes could be better connected to create a cohesive narrative.
    • The visual elements in the scene are minimal, and there is an opportunity to enhance the visual storytelling to create a more engaging and immersive experience for the audience.
    Suggestions
    • Clarify the objective and conflict in each scene to drive the story forward and create tension.
    • Smoothly transition between locations and characters to create a cohesive narrative.
    • Refine the dialogue to be more nuanced and subtle, allowing for deeper character development and subtext.
    • Ensure that each scene is connected to the overall story and contributes to the central conflict.
    • Explore visual storytelling techniques to enhance the audience's experience and create a more immersive world.



    Scene 4 -  Confrontation and Mystery
    INT. LOS ANGELES TIMES NEWSROOM/KARLA’S OFFICE - DAY

    Karla closes the door behind them. Not happy.

    KARLA
    What the hell was that?

    JACK
    Just selling newspapers. Isn’t that
    what we do around here?

    KARLA
    You were selling books.

    JACK
    One hand washes the other. Not the
    first time that’s happened around
    here.

    KARLA
    You don’t get to make that call.
    Media interviews are to be cleared
    by me or Tom - period. With all the
    layoffs going on around here, you
    want your entire career to walk out
    those doors in a cardboard box, you
    keep it up. We clear?

    JACK
    Absolutely, my bad.

    KARLA
    Well time to give me some good.
    Where are you on the story?

    JACK
    Working out the final details for
    my interview with Detective Reid as
    we speak-

    KARLA
    Working them out? I need your story
    by tomorrow. Do I have to make a
    call?

    JACK
    No, she’ll come around, and when I
    get inside her head ten years later
    and find out what she’s really
    feeling and thinking about the one
    that got away... It’s gonna’ be a
    great fucking read.
    15.


    KARLA
    Careful, that woman has the memory
    of an elephant. Three-time Jeopardy
    champion. And she fucking hates
    you.

    JACK
    I was just doing my job.

    KARLA
    So was she, and you told the world
    she wasn’t.


    INT. LOS ANGELES TIMES NEWSROOM/JACK’S DESK - DAY

    He sits down at his desk as an OLDER REPORTER, laid off,
    packs his personal belongings in a cardboard banker’s box in
    the next cubicle.

    Doesn’t go unnoticed by Jack. He dials his phone.

    INTERCUT WITH-


    INT. LAPD HOMICIDE SPECIAL/MALLOY’S OFFICE - DAY

    Lieutenant PADDY MALLOY, 50s, seasoned, irritated.

    MALLOY
    Malloy.

    JACK
    Paddy, it’s Jack.

    MALLOY
    Jesus. She really doesn’t like you.

    JACK
    She just doesn’t know me.

    MALLOY
    She doesn’t want another hit piece
    about her and her old partner.

    JACK
    You know a story like this could
    help solve these murders. A new
    witness comes forward. New
    evidence. It’s good for all of us.

    Silence. Jack clenches his fist. Wants to slam it on his
    desk. Hates to beg, but-
    16.


    JACK
    Paddy, I need this.

    MALLOY
    No promises. I’ll call you in-

    As Jack hangs up. YES.

    JACK
    See you in a few.

    KARLA
    That didn’t sound good.

    JACK
    You kidding, Paddy loves me.

    KARLA
    He better.

    As she walks away A MAILROOM CLERK rolls his cart past Jack
    and drops a package on his desk.

    A SHOEBOX WRAPPED IN BUTCHER’S PAPER, tied up with twine.
    There’s no tape on it. No stamp.

    He picks it up, studies it. It’s addressed to Jack with a
    return address of-

    JACK
    (to himself)
    Holy shit.

    Karla stops and turns back.

    KARLA
    What?

    JACK
    Nothing.

    She knows he’s up to something, but-

    KARLA
    This is your last chance Jack. You
    hear me? And make sure you get me
    Jane Doe.

    JACK
    Consider it done.

    She leaves. He picks up the package. Smiles.
    17.
    Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

    Summary Karla confronts Jack about his unauthorized media interview, leading to tension between them. Jack apologizes and assures her he is working on his story. He then tries to convince Lieutenant Malloy to help him with his story. Meanwhile, an older reporter is seen packing his belongings in the background. The scene ends with Karla leaving Jack's desk and him picking up a mysterious package addressed to him.
    Strengths
    • Sharp and engaging dialogue
    • Tension and conflict between characters
    • Intriguing mystery with the package
    Weaknesses

      Ratings
      Overall

      Overall: 8

      The scene effectively establishes the tension between Karla and Jack, introduces a potential source of conflict with Detective Reid, and adds a mysterious element with the package. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, and the scene moves the story forward.


      Story Content

      Concept: 7

      The concept of the scene revolves around the ethical dilemmas faced by journalists and the potential consequences of compromising integrity for personal gain. It also introduces a subplot involving Detective Reid and the unsolved murders.

      Plot: 8

      The plot of the scene revolves around the conflict between Karla and Jack, the potential consequences of Jack's actions, and the introduction of the mysterious package. It effectively sets up future conflicts and developments.

      Originality: 6

      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and conflicts are familiar in the context of a newsroom drama, the specific dynamics between the characters and the protagonist's internal and external goals add a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


      Character Development

      Characters: 9

      The characters in the scene, particularly Karla and Jack, are well-developed and their conflicting personalities and motivations create tension. Their dialogue reveals their complex relationship and adds depth to their characters.

      Character Changes: 7

      While there is no significant character change in this scene, it sets up potential character arcs for Jack and Karla as they navigate the ethical dilemmas and conflicts presented.

      Internal Goal: 8

      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself as a competent journalist and redeem his reputation. This reflects his deeper need for validation and recognition in his career.

      External Goal: 7

      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to secure an interview with Detective Reid for his story. This reflects the immediate challenge of meeting the deadline and producing a compelling article.


      Scene Elements

      Conflict Level: 8

      The conflict in the scene is primarily between Karla and Jack, as well as the potential conflict with Detective Reid. The tension and confrontational dialogue create a high level of conflict.

      Opposition: 8

      The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces resistance from Karla and Detective Reid. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

      High Stakes: 8

      The stakes in the scene are high for Jack, as his career and reputation are on the line. The potential consequences of his actions and the conflicts with Karla and Detective Reid add to the high stakes.

      Story Forward: 9

      The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing conflicts, setting up future developments, and adding intrigue with the mysterious package. It keeps the reader engaged and interested in the unfolding story.

      Unpredictability: 7

      This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a mysterious package addressed to the protagonist, creating intrigue and raising questions about what it contains and its significance to the story.

      Philosophical Conflict: 7

      There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the importance of uncovering the truth and the potential consequences of his actions on the subjects of his stories. This challenges his values as a journalist and raises questions about the ethics of his profession.


      Audience Engagement

      Emotional Impact: 7

      The scene elicits a moderate level of emotional impact through the tension and confrontational dialogue between the characters. The reader can feel the stakes and the potential consequences of Jack's actions.

      Dialogue: 9

      The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and filled with sarcasm. It effectively conveys the tension between the characters and reveals their motivations and conflicts.

      Engagement: 9

      This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between characters and raises questions about the protagonist's actions and motivations. The sharp dialogue and fast-paced nature of the scene keep the audience's attention.

      Pacing: 9

      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace and building tension through the dialogue exchanges. The scene moves quickly and keeps the audience engaged.


      Technical Aspect

      Formatting: 9

      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, and dialogue in the correct format.

      Structure: 8

      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into a series of dialogue exchanges between characters.


      Critique
      • The scene starts off with a confrontational tone between Karla and Jack, which effectively establishes the conflict between them. However, the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and lacks subtlety. It would be more engaging if the tension between them was conveyed through subtext and layered dialogue.
      • The dialogue also feels a bit heavy-handed in terms of exposition. The characters explicitly state their motivations and feelings, which can come across as unnatural and forced. It would be more effective to show these aspects through their actions and reactions.
      • The scene lacks visual elements and actions, which makes it feel static and dialogue-heavy. Adding some visual elements or actions can help break up the dialogue and make the scene more visually engaging.
      • The transition between Karla's office and Jack's desk is abrupt and could be smoother. It would be helpful to have a clearer indication of the change in location.
      • The introduction of the mysterious package at the end feels a bit contrived and forced. It seems to come out of nowhere and doesn't have a clear connection to the rest of the scene. It would be more effective to foreshadow or set up the package earlier in the scene to make it feel more organic.
      • The scene could benefit from more subtext and nuance in the dialogue, as well as a stronger visual component to enhance the tension and suspense.
      Suggestions
      • Consider rewriting the dialogue to add more subtext and nuance. Instead of characters explicitly stating their motivations and feelings, find ways to convey them through subtext and layered dialogue.
      • Show, don't tell. Instead of characters explaining their actions and intentions, find ways to show them through their actions, reactions, and body language.
      • Add more visual elements and actions to break up the dialogue and make the scene more visually engaging. This could include characters interacting with their environment or engaging in physical actions that reflect their emotions.
      • Smooth out the transition between Karla's office and Jack's desk by providing a clearer indication of the change in location. This could be done through a brief description or a visual cue.
      • Foreshadow or set up the mysterious package earlier in the scene to make its introduction feel more organic and connected to the rest of the scene.
      • Consider adding more subtext and nuance to the dialogue, as well as enhancing the visual component to create a more tense and suspenseful atmosphere.



      Scene 5 -  Tension and Encouragement
      INT. LAPD HOMICIDE SPECIAL/HALLWAY - DAY

      Reid and MALLOY, walking, mid-argument. Malloy is her
      Lieutenant.

      REID
      I’m not talking to that asshole.

      MALLOY
      You need this Erin.

      REID
      NO, you need this.

      MALLOY
      Well around here that’s the same
      thing.

      REID
      You know what his story did to
      Mitch. It destroyed him. Almost
      destroyed me.

      They land outside the interrogation room. Tension building.
      Malloy tries to diffuse it.

      MALLOY
      Then here’s your chance to undo it.

      Frustration growing.

      REID
      Why, won’t make a difference. None
      of it does. We don’t. There’s
      always another body, another
      killer, another family in pain,
      another funeral. We can’t stop it.

      MALLOY
      So, we make it right, the best way
      we can, and yes the world is a
      shitty, fucked up place, but it’s
      still worth fighting for.

      REID
      I’m not so sure about that.

      She’s struggling, he knows.

      MALLOY
      You don’t always have to carry all
      the weight Erin.
      18.


      REID
      Well, it’s hard not to, and I don’t
      know if I can keep doing this-

      Doesn’t want her to finish the thought.

      MALLOY
      Look, it’s just another day. Fuck
      Jack, I’ll handle that little
      prick. Just do what you do best,
      and don’t let the bad days-

      REID
      Take away the good ones.
      (smiles)
      Think I’ve heard that somewhere
      before.

      MALLOY
      What can I say, I get all my wisdom
      from fortune cookies.

      REID
      Heard that before too.

      Malloy peeks into the interrogation room.

      MALLOY
      What’s this guy know?

      Reid focuses. Game face time. She’s back.

      REID
      No idea.
      (confident smile)
      But he’s about to tell me
      everything.

      She spins into the room.


      INT. LAPD HOMICIDE SPECIAL/FRONT DESK - DAY

      Jack dumps his pockets into a plastic tray. Approaches the
      metal detector.

      FRONT DESK CLERK
      Walk through.

      The CLERK checks his messenger bag.

      FRONT DESK CLERK
      You’re good.
      19.


      JACK
      I don’t know about that.


      INT. LAPD HOMICIDE SPECIAL/BULLPEN - DAY

      Drab grey-walled office. A dozen cubicles half-filled with
      detectives working their cases, working the phones, working
      witnesses.

      Jack wanders through unnoticed. He’s met by Malloy.

      JACK
      Paddy, good to see you.

      Paddy shakes his hand.

      MALLOY
      You look like shit.

      JACK
      Love you too.

      They step into Malloy’s office.
      Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

      Summary Reid and Malloy argue about Reid's reluctance to talk to someone who destroyed Mitch. Malloy encourages Reid to keep fighting for justice. Jack arrives and meets with Malloy in his office.
      Strengths
      • Sharp and engaging dialogue
      • Effective portrayal of emotional depth
      • Building tension and conflict
      Weaknesses

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth and conflict of the characters, while also setting up the central theme of the story. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, and the tension builds throughout the scene.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of exploring the emotional impact of being a detective in a violent world is compelling and relatable. The scene effectively introduces this concept and sets up the central conflict of the story.

        Plot: 8

        The plot of the scene revolves around the conflict between Reid and Malloy, as they discuss the emotional toll of their work. It sets up the central conflict and foreshadows the upcoming interrogation.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and characters are familiar in the crime genre, the specific conflicts and dilemmas faced by the protagonist add depth and complexity. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality, as they feel like real individuals with their own unique perspectives and struggles.


        Character Development

        Characters: 9

        The characters of Reid and Malloy are well-developed and their conflicting emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed. Their dynamic and chemistry add depth to the scene.

        Character Changes: 8

        Reid experiences a shift in her perspective and finds a glimmer of hope by the end of the scene. This sets up potential character growth and development in the future.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile her personal beliefs and doubts about the work she does as a detective. She expresses her uncertainty about whether fighting crime and dealing with the constant pain and loss is worth it. This reflects her deeper need for validation and a sense of purpose in her career, as well as her fear of becoming jaded and losing hope.

        External Goal: 7

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to interrogate a suspect and gather information about a case. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she is facing as a detective, as well as her commitment to solving crimes and seeking justice.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 8

        The conflict between Reid and Malloy is evident throughout the scene, as they argue about the emotional toll of their work. The tension builds as they approach the interrogation room.

        Opposition: 7

        The opposition in this scene is strong but not overwhelming. The protagonist faces resistance from her superior, Malloy, who tries to convince her to take on a new case. This creates a small obstacle for the protagonist and adds tension to the scene. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will be resolved and what choices the protagonist will make.

        High Stakes: 9

        The emotional stakes are high in the scene, as Reid and Malloy grapple with the impact of their work on their personal lives. The outcome of the upcoming interrogation also carries significant consequences.

        Story Forward: 8

        The scene moves the story forward by introducing the central conflict, establishing the emotional stakes, and setting up the upcoming interrogation.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces conflicts and dilemmas that are not immediately resolved. The protagonist's internal struggles and doubts create uncertainty about her future actions and decisions. Additionally, the introduction of Jack and the mention of his connection to the protagonist's past adds an element of mystery and unpredictability.

        Philosophical Conflict: 9

        The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle with the moral implications and impact of her work. She questions whether the constant cycle of crime and pain can ever be stopped or if it's worth fighting for. This challenges her beliefs, values, and worldview as a detective committed to upholding the law and protecting the innocent.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 9

        The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly frustration, hope, and uncertainty. The struggles and doubts of the characters resonate with the audience.

        Dialogue: 10

        The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. It effectively conveys the tension, frustration, and hope present in the scene.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the protagonist and her superior, creating tension and intrigue. The dialogue is sharp and filled with emotion, drawing the reader into the characters' struggles and motivations. The scene also introduces a new character, Jack, and raises questions about his role and the upcoming interrogation.

        Pacing: 8

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and introspection. The dialogue exchanges are quick and filled with emotion, creating a sense of urgency and forward momentum. The scene also includes pauses and moments of reflection, allowing the reader to connect with the characters' internal struggles.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, and dialogue are properly formatted. The action lines are clear and concise, providing the necessary information without being overly descriptive.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into a series of dialogue exchanges between the characters. The scene ends with a transition to a different location, indicating a shift in the narrative.


        Critique
        • The dialogue in this scene is effective in conveying the conflict between Reid and Malloy, as well as Reid's internal struggle. It effectively shows the tension and frustration between the characters.
        • However, the scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the overall impact. Currently, there are no significant visual actions or descriptions, which can make the scene feel static.
        • Additionally, the scene lacks a clear sense of setting. While it is mentioned that they are in the LAPD Homicide Special hallway and later outside the interrogation room, there is no description of the surroundings or any visual cues to help the reader visualize the location.
        • The emotional tone of the scene is consistent with the previous scenes, maintaining a tense and uncertain atmosphere. However, the scene could benefit from a stronger ending or cliffhanger to leave the reader wanting more.
        • The conflict between Reid and Malloy is resolved too quickly and easily. It would be more engaging if there was more back-and-forth between them, with Reid initially resisting and Malloy having to convince her more convincingly.
        • The dialogue could also be improved by adding more subtext and depth to the characters' emotions and motivations. This would make the scene more nuanced and engaging for the reader.
        Suggestions
        • Add more visual elements and descriptions to enhance the overall impact of the scene. This could include describing the surroundings, characters' body language, or any significant actions taking place.
        • Provide a clearer sense of setting by incorporating visual cues or descriptions of the LAPD Homicide Special hallway and interrogation room.
        • Consider ending the scene with a stronger cliffhanger or moment of suspense to leave the reader wanting more.
        • Extend the conflict between Reid and Malloy, allowing for more back-and-forth and a more convincing resolution.
        • Deepen the dialogue by adding subtext and exploring the characters' emotions and motivations in more depth.



        Scene 6 -  Tense Confrontation Over Suspicious Package
        INT. MALLOY’S OFFICE - DAY

        Through the window of his office Malloy sees Reid exit the
        interrogation room and close the door behind her. Checks her
        watch. Malloy smiles, pleased.

        MALLOY
        She got him.

        Jack spins, locks eyes with Reid. Jack blinks first and if
        you can say fuck you with a look, Reid just said it.

        MALLOY (OC)
        They can beat the Poly but they
        can’t beat her.

        JACK
        Really?

        MALLOY
        You’re full of shit Jack. Give it a
        go.

        JACK
        I tell the truth for a living.

        MALLOY
        And lie to get it.
        20.


        Jack plops down in the chair across from Malloy.

        JACK
        Fine. Are you gonna’ work your
        magic, so I owe you another favor,
        or do I have to work mine?

        MALLOY
        Your magic put you in that seat
        needing me to sell the trick.

        JACK
        Well, every magician needs a great
        assistant.

        MALLOY
        It’s a no Jack. She’d tell you
        herself, but it turns out she can’t
        fucking stand the sight of you.

        JACK
        Can I quote you on that?

        MALLOY
        Only one you’re gonna’ get.

        Jacks laughs to himself as he reaches into his messenger bag.

        JACK
        That’s too bad, because I come
        bearing gifts.

        He plops the package on Malloy’s desk, excited.

        JACK
        Ta-da! Hand delivered this morning.
        Mailroom doesn’t know how it got
        there, I haven’t opened it, and no
        one else has touched it besides me
        and the mail clerk. It’s from him.

        MALLOY
        Jesus Jack...

        JACK
        The return address is the apartment
        of his last victim, Dessie Burris.
        The UCLA student.
        (a beat)
        Who can’t stand me now?

        Malloy, unmoved. Irritated.
        21.


        MALLOY
        You know how many letters and phone
        calls we’ve gotten over the years
        from people claiming to be SK?

        JACK
        Hundreds-

        MALLOY
        Thousands. Not one has ever panned
        out.

        JACK
        So open it up, prove me wrong, and
        I’ll go.

        MALLOY
        Is that a promise?

        JACK
        In the wind, Scout’s honor.
        (off his look)
        This is the real fucking deal
        Paddy. Every bone in my body tells
        me he’s back-
        (taps on the package)
        And this is him.

        Malloy stares at the package. Takes a deep breath. Grabs the
        phone.

        MALLOY
        I need forensics up here. Now.


        INT. LAPD HOMICIDE SPECIAL/CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

        CLOSE ON the package sitting on a table as two latex-gloved
        hands slowly untie it.

        ALEX, 40s, from forensics, lives for this, unwraps the
        package.

        Reid exits the interrogation room with her handcuffed
        SUSPECT.

        Malloy taps on the window of the conference room.

        MALLOY
        Reid, this is you.
        22.


        INT. LAPD HOMICIDE SPECIAL/HALLWAY - DAY

        Reid shakes her head. Doesn’t want any part of it.

        REID
        Jesus. Here we go.

        She hands the Suspect off to a UNIFORMED OFFICER.

        REID
        Book him in holding and file his
        confession. I’ll paper it later.

        OFFICER
        You got it.
        Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Drama"]

        Summary Malloy is pleased with Reid's interrogation skills but skeptical of Jack's claims about a package he received from the serial killer. Jack tries to convince Malloy of the package's authenticity while Reid hands off the suspect to a uniformed officer. The conflict remains unresolved as forensics is called to examine the package.
        Strengths
        • Engaging dialogue
        • Tension and suspense
        • Strong plot progression
        Weaknesses
        • Limited character development
        • Moderate emotional impact

        Ratings
        Overall

        Overall: 9

        The scene is well-written and engaging, with strong dialogue and tension. It effectively sets up the central conflict and raises the stakes.


        Story Content

        Concept: 8

        The concept of a package potentially containing evidence from a serial killer is intriguing and adds suspense to the story.

        Plot: 9

        The plot progresses significantly in this scene as the package is introduced, creating a new lead in the investigation.

        Originality: 6

        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a detective trying to convince their superior to investigate a new lead is a familiar one, the specific dynamics between the characters and the use of dialogue to convey tension and conflict adds freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


        Character Development

        Characters: 8

        The characters have distinct personalities and their interactions create tension and conflict.

        Character Changes: 6

        There is minimal character change in this scene, as the focus is more on the introduction of the package and the conflict between characters.

        Internal Goal: 8

        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself right and gain the respect and trust of his colleagues. This reflects his need for validation and recognition, as well as his fear of being dismissed or ignored.

        External Goal: 9

        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to convince Malloy to open the package and investigate its contents. This reflects the immediate challenge of finding evidence to support his belief that the serial killer is back.


        Scene Elements

        Conflict Level: 9

        There is a high level of conflict in the scene, both in the verbal exchanges between characters and the anticipation of opening the package.

        Opposition: 8

        The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces resistance from Malloy in his attempt to convince him to open the package. The audience is unsure of how the interaction will go and whether the protagonist will succeed in his goal.

        High Stakes: 9

        The stakes are high as the package may contain crucial evidence related to a serial killer case.

        Story Forward: 10

        The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new lead in the investigation and raising the stakes.

        Unpredictability: 7

        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a new lead in the investigation, creating uncertainty about whether it will pan out or not. The characters' conflicting motivations and the mysterious package add an element of unpredictability.

        Philosophical Conflict: 0

        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


        Audience Engagement

        Emotional Impact: 7

        The scene elicits tension and anticipation, but the emotional impact is not as strong as other elements.

        Dialogue: 9

        The dialogue is sharp, filled with sarcasm and confrontational exchanges that reveal the characters' motivations and relationships.

        Engagement: 9

        This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation and conflict between the characters. The sharp and witty dialogue keeps the reader or viewer invested in the outcome of the scene.

        Pacing: 9

        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The dialogue exchanges are quick and snappy, keeping the scene moving at a brisk pace.


        Technical Aspect

        Formatting: 9

        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The scene is well-paced and easy to read.

        Structure: 8

        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, followed by character actions and dialogue. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end, with a buildup of tension and a cliffhanger ending.


        Critique
        • The scene starts with a strong visual of Malloy seeing Reid exit the interrogation room and closing the door behind her. This visual sets up the tension and anticipation for the audience.
        • The dialogue between Malloy and Jack is confrontational and filled with subtext, which adds to the tension of the scene.
        • The conflict between Jack and Malloy over the authenticity of the package is well-established, but it is not resolved in this scene, leaving the audience wanting more.
        • The dialogue between Jack and Malloy is sharp and filled with sarcasm, which adds to the confrontational tone of the scene.
        • The introduction of the package adds a suspenseful element to the scene and raises the stakes for the characters.
        • The scene ends with a strong visual of the package being untied by forensics, creating a sense of anticipation for what is inside.
        Suggestions
        • Consider adding more physical actions or gestures to enhance the tension and subtext in the scene. For example, Jack could nervously tap his fingers on the desk or Malloy could lean back in his chair, showing his confidence.
        • Explore the emotional reactions of the characters more deeply. Show Reid's frustration and doubt about fighting for justice and Jack's determination to prove himself right.
        • Consider adding more visual elements to the scene to enhance the suspense. For example, describe the package in more detail or show the reactions of the characters as it is being opened.
        • Consider adding more conflict between Jack and Malloy to heighten the tension. For example, Jack could present more evidence or arguments to convince Malloy of the package's authenticity.
        • Consider ending the scene with a cliffhanger or a revelation to leave the audience wanting more. For example, the contents of the package could be revealed to be something unexpected or the scene could end with a phone call or a knock on the door.



        Scene 7 -  Tension and Clues
        INT. LAPD HOMICIDE SPECIAL/CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

        Reid enters, annoyed-

        REID
        What do we got?

        MALLOY
        A care package sent to your BFF
        here.

        JACK
        It’s from SK.

        REID
        You’d love that, wouldn’t you Jack?
        Sell that book of yours.

        JACK
        I didn’t know you followed me.

        REID
        Hard to outrun the stench.

        MALLOY
        SO... Alex, what do you think?

        Alex carefully examines the package.

        ALEX
        Wrapped in butcher’s paper, tied
        with cooking twine so he didn’t
        have to use tape. No postage. Both
        addresses hand-written in pencil -
        we’ll have documents check the
        handwriting from SK’s previous
        letters to see if it’s a match.
        23.


        Alex lifts off the top. Jack’s eyes light up when he sees
        what’s inside - “It’s him...”

        Alex gently lifts out a BARBIE DOLL, her hands and feet bound
        together behind her back with ZIP TIES. A bikini top choked
        around her neck.

        Malloy’s face falls.

        MALLOY
        Well, shit...

        REID
        Doesn’t mean it’s him.

        Alex pulls out an envelope.

        ALEX
        And we have a letter.

        He opens it. It’s typewritten, but there’s something else.
        Alex holds up the letter, revealing that-

        ALEX
        The lower third of the letter has
        been torn off.

        Reads.

        ALEX
        “Jack. It’s been too long. She was
        the best, but not the last. You and
        Detective Reid know that, and deep
        within that connects all of us.
        Like you, my time away from my
        quest has left me empty, wanting.
        Every day I wake up wondering if
        today is the day. It wasn’t before.
        It is now. We’re in this together.”

        JACK
        He’s back.

        Reid paces the table. Snaps.

        REID
        Bullshit, his letters are always
        handwritten.

        JACK
        The return address. That’s where
        she lived. She died in an alley in
        Westwood. Her home address was
        never released to the public.
        24.


        Slaps both hands on the table, gets in Jack’s face.

        REID
        Well shit Jack, if only someone
        could Google her address now,
        thanks to all of the amateur online
        sleuths who think they can solve a
        murder better than us. Because I
        fucked up remember? I let him go.

        JACK
        And arrested the wrong guy.

        REID
        Fuck you.

        Reid storms out of the room and down the hallway. Jack
        follows, shifts gears.

        JACK
        I screwed up. I get it, but I know
        you need this.

        REID
        You don’t know shit.

        JACK
        I know you’ll never let it go. And
        now we know he won’t either.

        REID
        Nobody cared about the Sunset
        Killer when he was killing whores
        in the meat-packing district, an
        immigrant in Chinatown or a poor
        single mother working two jobs in
        Echo Park. Nobody gave a shit until
        he crossed Rodeo.

        They reach Reid’s desk.

        JACK
        I did. And so did you.

        Reid notices something on her desk. An ENVELOPE leaning
        against her phone, simply addressed to-

        “DETECTIVE REID”, written in pencil.

        She grabs a tissue from her desk, uses it to pick up the
        letter.

        JACK
        Old pen pal?
        25.


        Reid tightens. She knows.

        REID
        Fuck...
        Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller"]

        Summary In the LAPD Homicide Special/Conference Room, the team receives a package from the serial killer SK containing a Barbie doll with zip ties and a letter. Alex carefully examines the package and letter for clues while Reid and Jack argue about their past mistakes and the importance of catching SK. Despite the unresolved conflict, Reid discovers a letter addressed to her from SK, revealing his intentions to continue his killing spree.
        Strengths
        • Tension-building
        • Sharp dialogue
        • Character development
        • Mystery elements
        Weaknesses

          Ratings
          Overall

          Overall: 9

          The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the unveiling of the package and the revelation of the letter. The conflict between Reid and Jack adds emotional depth and raises the stakes. The dialogue is sharp and reveals important information about the characters and the case.


          Story Content

          Concept: 8

          The concept of receiving a disturbing package from the antagonist is a classic thriller element that creates suspense and raises questions about the killer's motives. The torn letter adds an additional layer of mystery.

          Plot: 9

          The plot progresses significantly in this scene as the characters receive new evidence and realize that the Sunset Killer has returned. The revelation of the Barbie doll and the torn letter provide crucial clues for the investigation.

          Originality: 6

          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of receiving a package from the killer is a familiar trope in crime dramas, the specific details and dialogue add freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


          Character Development

          Characters: 9

          The characters are well-developed and their conflicts and motivations are clearly established. Reid's frustration and guilt are evident, while Jack's determination and understanding of Reid's needs add depth to their relationship.

          Character Changes: 8

          Reid experiences a shift in her emotions, from annoyance to guilt and determination. Jack also shows a change in his approach, shifting from defensive to understanding and supportive.

          Internal Goal: 8

          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to solve the case and catch the killer. This reflects their deeper need for justice and closure, as well as their fear of failure and letting the killer go free.

          External Goal: 7

          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to analyze the package and letter sent by the killer. This reflects the immediate challenge of gathering evidence and clues to identify the killer and potentially prevent future crimes.


          Scene Elements

          Conflict Level: 9

          The conflict between Reid and Jack is intense and emotionally charged. The discovery of the package and the torn letter raises the stakes and adds a sense of urgency to the investigation.

          Opposition: 8

          The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist and their colleague have a heated argument about their past mistakes and the current investigation. The audience is unsure how the conflict will be resolved and what it means for the investigation.

          High Stakes: 9

          The stakes are high in this scene as the characters realize that the Sunset Killer has returned and is targeting them. The discovery of the Barbie doll and the torn letter intensify the sense of danger and urgency.

          Story Forward: 10

          The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new evidence, raising the stakes, and deepening the characters' emotional journeys. It sets the stage for the next phase of the investigation.

          Unpredictability: 7

          This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information about the killer and raises questions about their identity and motives. The audience is left wondering what will happen next and how the characters will respond.

          Philosophical Conflict: 0

          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


          Audience Engagement

          Emotional Impact: 9

          The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly guilt, frustration, and determination. The characters' reactions to the package and the revelation of the Sunset Killer's return create a sense of dread and anticipation.

          Dialogue: 10

          The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters and the case. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Reid and Jack.

          Engagement: 9

          This scene is engaging because it presents a crucial moment in the investigation and reveals important information about the killer. The dialogue is intense and filled with conflict, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

          Pacing: 8

          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension. The dialogue and actions flow smoothly, keeping the audience engaged and interested.


          Technical Aspect

          Formatting: 9

          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, and dialogue are properly formatted. The scene is easy to read and understand.

          Structure: 9

          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear establishing shot and then focuses on the dialogue and actions of the characters. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end.


          Critique
          • The scene starts off with Reid entering the conference room, already annoyed. It would be helpful to show why she is annoyed or have a brief exchange with another character to establish her mood.
          • The dialogue between Reid and Jack feels a bit forced and unnatural. The insults and banter come across as cliché and don't add much depth to their characters or the scene.
          • The introduction of the Barbie doll with zip ties and the torn letter is a strong visual element, but it feels rushed. It would be more effective to build up the suspense and tension before revealing these items.
          • The argument between Reid and Jack about their past mistakes and the importance of catching SK is a crucial moment in the scene, but it lacks emotional depth. The dialogue could be more introspective and reveal their inner conflicts and motivations.
          • Reid storming out of the room and Jack following her feels abrupt and doesn't provide a satisfying resolution to their argument. It would be more impactful to have a moment of reflection or a small breakthrough in their conversation before Reid discovers the envelope on her desk.
          Suggestions
          • Consider adding a brief scene or dialogue exchange before Reid enters the conference room to establish her annoyance and set the tone for the scene.
          • Revise the dialogue between Reid and Jack to make it more authentic and meaningful. Focus on their inner conflicts and motivations rather than relying on insults and banter.
          • Build up the suspense and tension before revealing the Barbie doll and torn letter. Use visual cues and character reactions to create a sense of anticipation.
          • Deepen the argument between Reid and Jack by exploring their past mistakes and the emotional toll it has taken on them. Show their vulnerabilities and conflicting desires.
          • Provide a more satisfying resolution to the argument between Reid and Jack. Consider adding a moment of reflection or a small breakthrough in their conversation before Reid discovers the envelope on her desk.



          Scene 8 -  Baiting the Killer
          INT. LAPD HOMICIDE SPECIAL/CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

          Alex studies the envelope.

          ALEX
          Same handwriting. Probably the same
          pencil. No stamp. Same return
          address as the package sent to
          Jack.

          MALLOY
          How the hell did it get on your
          desk?

          REID
          No idea.

          Alex lifts out something wrapped in paper, the size of a
          credit card.

          He places it on the table and carefully unfolds it. Holds up-

          MALLOY
          A driver’s license?

          Reid knows right away.

          REID
          Her driver’s license. That’s Dessie
          Burris. His last victim.

          JACK
          Matches the return address on the
          package.

          MALLOY
          A trophy?

          REID
          A statement.

          Alex holds up the paper.

          It’s the torn-off bottom third of the letter sent to Jack.
          Alex lines up the ripped edges with the ripped edges on the
          letter Jack received.
          26.


          JACK
          Looks like I’m not SK’s only BFF
          around here.

          But there’s something different about this part of the
          letter. It’s handwritten, in pencil.

          Alex reads it.

          ALEX
          “Miss me Detective? You and Jack
          were always my biggest fans. So
          obsessed. Well time to put the past
          in front of us and take another
          look. Maybe you’ll notice something
          you missed. Maybe you’ll catch me.
          Maybe you won’t. Either way, it’s
          going to be a hell of a ride.”

          MALLOY
          Alex, work with Carter in documents
          and see if it’s a match, get it to
          Latent for prints, DNA, hair,
          whatever you can find.

          ALEX
          I’ll work it up.

          JACK
          What about us?

          REID
          There is no us.

          Turns to Malloy, pleading.

          JACK
          Paddy, come on.

          REID
          You know what your problem is, Jack-

          JACK
          I’m sure you’re gonna’ tell me-

          REID
          Where we see death, you see
          dollars.

          JACK
          I just give the people what they
          want.
          27.


          REID
          And what’s that?

          JACK
          To see the worst in others, so they
          can feel better about themselves.

          Her eyes bore into him.

          REID
          Keep telling yourself that.

          Jack doesn’t respond. Doesn’t have to.

          REID
          We’re done here.

          But then Reid gets a text. So does Jack.

          UNKNOWN CALLER

          She knows.

          REID
          Shit.

          It’s a VOICE TEXT. Reid puts it on speaker and clicks play,
          expecting to hear SK’s voice, but-

          Each line is said by the VOICE OF A DIFFERENT WOMAN.

          CHRISSIE
          (over phone)
          First stop, Chrissie Taff.

          JIA
          (over phone)
          Bring Jack, give you two time to
          catch up.

          ELENA
          (over phone)
          You promised Detective, remember?

          MALLOY
          What the hell?

          Reid wants to explode, holds it together.

          REID
          It’s them.

          MALLOY
          Who?
          28.


          REID
          His victims.

          MALLOY
          Jesus.

          DESSIE
          (over phone)
          If you play along, I might even let
          her live.

          The words slam into Reid. Takes the breath out of the room.

          JACK
          Holy shit, he is back.

          MALLOY
          We don’t know that yet.

          JACK
          Sounds like he’s back to me.

          MALLOY
          It could be a hoax.

          Reid’s mind spins, forming a plan.

          REID
          Well there’s one way to find out.
          Make me the bait.

          MALLOY
          I don’t like it.

          REID
          I’ll play along until we know what
          Alex and Latent find out from the
          letters.

          MALLOY
          (to Alex)
          How long?

          ALEX
          Couple hours.

          REID
          If I do this, it keeps his focus on
          me, but if I don’t, and it is
          him... You know what he’ll do.

          She doesn’t want to finish the thought.

          He knows she’s right. Still doesn’t like it.
          29.


          MALLOY
          Fuck it. OK, I want a tap and trace
          on the phone that sent that text.
          When we find it, run a pattern of
          life, I want to know where this
          fucking asshole’s been.

          ALEX
          Might take a while, probably a
          burner, could be spoofed.

          MALLOY
          Then get on it. Now.

          ALEX
          You got it.

          Alex is on the move.

          MALLOY
          We’ll send plainclothes backup,
          keep a safe perimeter, and put some
          eyes in the air, just in case. You
          can wear a wire-

          REID
          No, just us. I don’t want to scare
          him off. I’m gonna’ draw him out
          and end this once and for all.

          He studies her, looking for the slightest hesitation.

          MALLOY
          You sure you want to do this?

          Doesn’t find it. Reid, pensive.

          REID
          I have to. I promised.

          REID
          (to Jack)
          Looks like we’re going for a ride.

          JACK
          Now?

          REID
          SK wants us to go down memory lane,
          so let’s go down memory lane. Just
          you and me.

          Jack, playing out the possibilities in his head.
          30.


          REID
          Help you sell that book. Maybe even
          get you another Pulitzer.

          JACK
          It’s not about that.

          REID
          Please. Bullshit only gets you so
          far in this world.

          Jack, prodding.

          JACK
          Yet here we are.

          That lands.

          REID
          Yet here we are.
          Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

          Summary Alex, Malloy, Reid, and Jack examine evidence related to the serial killer case. They receive a voice text from one of the killer's victims demanding Reid's cooperation. Reid decides to use herself as bait to draw out the killer and end the case. Tensions rise between Reid and Jack as they argue about their motivations. The scene ends with Reid making the decision to put herself at risk to catch the killer.
          Strengths
          • Intense dialogue
          • Suspenseful atmosphere
          • Revealing character dynamics
          Weaknesses

            Ratings
            Overall

            Overall: 9

            The scene is highly engaging and suspenseful, with strong dialogue and character interactions. It effectively builds tension and raises the stakes for the main characters.


            Story Content

            Concept: 8

            The concept of a serial killer targeting the detectives and involving the victims in a twisted game is intriguing and adds a layer of psychological suspense to the story.

            Plot: 9

            The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with the discovery of the driver's license and the revelation that the killer is back. It raises the stakes and sets up the next phase of the investigation.

            Originality: 6

            The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of investigating a serial killer and receiving a taunting message is a familiar trope in crime thrillers, the specific details and interactions between the characters add freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


            Character Development

            Characters: 9

            The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their motivations and conflicts. The tension between Reid and Jack adds depth to their relationship.

            Character Changes: 8

            Reid's decision to become the bait and Jack's realization that the killer is back mark significant changes in their characters.

            Internal Goal: 8

            The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to catch the serial killer and put an end to the murders. This reflects their deeper desire for justice and their fear of the killer continuing to harm others.

            External Goal: 7

            The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate the driver's license and the text message, gather evidence, and make a plan to catch the killer. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing in their pursuit of justice.


            Scene Elements

            Conflict Level: 9

            The conflict between Reid and Jack, as well as the conflict with the killer, creates a high level of tension and suspense in the scene.

            Opposition: 8

            The opposition in this scene is strong, as the characters face the challenge of catching a serial killer and dealing with the unknown caller. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold, adding to the tension and conflict.

            High Stakes: 10

            The stakes are extremely high in this scene, as the killer targets the detectives and their loved ones. The characters' lives are in danger.

            Story Forward: 10

            The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information, raising the stakes, and setting up the next phase of the investigation.

            Unpredictability: 7

            This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information and twists in the investigation. The text message from the unknown caller and the revelation that the victims are still alive adds a layer of unpredictability to the story.

            Philosophical Conflict: 0

            There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


            Audience Engagement

            Emotional Impact: 8

            The scene evokes a sense of fear, urgency, and determination in the characters, which resonates with the audience.

            Dialogue: 10

            The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals the characters' emotions and motivations. It effectively conveys the urgency and high stakes of the situation.

            Engagement: 9

            This scene is engaging because it presents a crucial turning point in the investigation of the serial killer. The discovery of the driver's license and the text message raises the stakes and creates suspense. The conflict between the characters adds tension and keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

            Pacing: 9

            The pacing of the scene is effective in building suspense and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue exchanges are quick and to the point, keeping the scene moving at a brisk pace.


            Technical Aspect

            Formatting: 9

            The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The dialogue is properly formatted with character names and dialogue lines. The scene headings and action lines are clear and concise.

            Structure: 8

            The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with the characters discussing the discovery of the driver's license, then moves on to the revelation of the text message and the decision to investigate further. The scene ends with the characters making a plan to catch the killer.


            Critique
            • The scene starts off with Alex studying the envelope, but it's not clear why she is doing this or what she is looking for. It would be helpful to provide some context or explanation for her actions.
            • The dialogue between the characters feels a bit forced and unnatural. It lacks depth and nuance, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters and their motivations.
            • The conflict between Reid and Jack is not fully explored or resolved in this scene. It feels like there is more to their argument and their past mistakes that could be explored to add depth to their relationship.
            • The introduction of the voice text from the killer's victims feels abrupt and out of place. It would be more effective to build up to this revelation and create a sense of suspense and tension.
            • The decision for Reid to use herself as bait feels rushed and not fully justified. It would be helpful to provide more context and reasoning behind this decision to make it more believable and impactful.
            Suggestions
            • Provide more context and explanation for Alex's actions in studying the envelope. This will help the audience understand her role and purpose in the scene.
            • Work on the dialogue to make it more natural and nuanced. Add depth to the characters' motivations and explore the conflict between Reid and Jack in more detail.
            • Build up to the revelation of the voice text from the killer's victims. Create suspense and tension leading up to this moment to make it more impactful.
            • Provide more justification and reasoning for Reid's decision to use herself as bait. This will make the decision more believable and add depth to her character.



            Scene 9 -  Tense Conversation in the Crown Vic
            EXT. LAPD HOMICIDE SPECIAL/PARKING LOT - DAY

            Reid and Jack reach the Crown Vic. Jack pulls out his phone,
            ready to hit record.

            JACK
            You mind?

            REID
            Being recorded? Not if you don’t.

            JACK
            I have nothing to hide.

            REID
            Everyone has something to hide,
            Jack.

            Jack doesn’t give any ground-

            JACK
            If you say so.

            Climbs into the passenger seat.

            We stay with Reid a beat. Can’t let this asshole get to her,
            she has to stay focused. For them. Takes a controlled breath.
            Here we go. climbs in.
            31.


            EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES - DAY

            The Crown Vic trolls through the city.


            INT. CROWN VIC (MOVING) - DAY

            Reid stares off, pensive, as the city rolls by. Over this we
            hear more of her session with Sally.

            REID (VO)
            Don’t worry about me, I’m fine.

            SALLY (VO)
            You’re not fine Erin.

            REID (VO)
            You know anybody who is?

            SALLY (VO)
            Not in my line of work.

            REID (VO)
            Not in mine either.

            SALLY (VO)
            So it’s just the way it is, that
            it?

            REID (VO)
            Maybe it’s just who I am.

            SALLY (VO)
            And who’s that?

            She takes that in.

            REID (VO)
            Someone I don’t even recognize
            anymore.

            Jack hits record on his phone.

            JACK
            So, did he confess?

            She snaps out of it.

            REID
            Who?

            JACK
            The suspect you ran the cold-poly
            on.
            32.


            REID
            Yeah... he confessed.

            JACK
            Just like that?

            Casual confidence.

            REID
            It’s never just like that. First
            you have to make them comfortable.
            Get them to-

            JACK
            Trust you.

            REID
            Where they make their mistake, and
            they all make the same one, is
            interpreting my demeanor as empathy
            or acceptance.

            JACK
            Then why the need for the poly?

            REID
            The theater of interrogation. If
            the subject believes that their
            lies can be detected, I can call
            them on their bullshit, trip them
            up and get a confession.

            JACK
            Do you ever lie to them?

            REID
            I might “suggest”.

            JACK
            Suggest?

            REID
            Maybe I tell them we have a
            witness, a fingerprint, their DNA,
            security camera footage from a
            camera they weren’t aware of. They
            get a little rattled, not sure what
            they forgot, where they fucked up.

            JACK
            Or you just make them think they
            did by lying.
            33.


            REID
            Might take a little longer with
            some, but-

            Great minds think alike.

            JACK
            If you take your time, don’t rush
            it-

            REID
            Gain their confidence.

            JACK
            Lull them into your trap.

            REID
            They get comfortable, drop their
            defenses-

            JACK
            Never see you coming and-

            REID
            Bam, I got ‘em, just like that.

            JACK
            Ever cross the line? Do a little
            more than just ask questions to get
            the answers you wanted.

            REID
            NO.

            JACK
            But your old partner Garrett did,
            didn’t he? Had a real taste for it
            from what I remember. Maybe a
            little good cop, bad cop.

            Temper flaring.

            REID
            You leave him the fuck out of this.

            JACK
            Too close, got it, my bad.

            Reels it back in.

            REID
            Yeah, your bad.

            Jack sits back. Pleased with himself.
            34.


            JACK
            Forget I said anything.
            Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

            Summary Reid and Jack drive through downtown Los Angeles, reflecting on their interrogation tactics. Jack brings up Reid's old partner, Garrett, causing Reid to become defensive. The scene ends with Jack telling Reid to forget he said anything about Garrett.
            Strengths
            • Sharp dialogue
            • Tension between characters
            • Insight into interrogation techniques
            Weaknesses

              Ratings
              Overall

              Overall: 8

              The scene is well-written and engaging, providing valuable information about the characters and their methods. The dialogue is sharp and the tension between Reid and Jack adds depth to the scene.


              Story Content

              Concept: 7

              The concept of an interrogation scene is not particularly innovative, but the execution and the insight into the techniques used make it compelling.

              Plot: 8

              The plot is advanced through the conversation between Reid and Jack, as they discuss their interrogation methods and hint at past events. The scene provides important information about the investigation and the characters' motivations.

              Originality: 7

              The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of a police interrogation is familiar, the specific techniques and psychological aspects explored in the dialogue add a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


              Character Development

              Characters: 9

              The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through their dialogue. Reid is confident and focused, while Jack is more confrontational and provocative. Their dynamic adds tension and depth to the scene.

              Character Changes: 7

              There is a subtle change in Reid's demeanor as she becomes more guarded and focused. This change reflects her determination to stay focused on the investigation.

              Internal Goal: 8

              The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her focus and not let the other character's comments affect her. This reflects her deeper need to be strong and in control, as well as her fear of losing herself.

              External Goal: 7

              The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to answer the other character's question about the suspect's confession. This reflects the immediate challenge of proving her skills as an interrogator and gaining the other character's trust.


              Scene Elements

              Conflict Level: 8

              The conflict between Reid and Jack is palpable, as they challenge each other's methods and touch on sensitive topics. The conflict adds tension and drives the scene forward.

              Opposition: 8

              The opposition in this scene is strong, as the other character challenges the protagonist's methods and brings up her past. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will respond and whether she will reveal any vulnerabilities.

              High Stakes: 8

              The stakes are high as the characters discuss their interrogation techniques and hint at past events. The outcome of the investigation and the characters' reputations are at stake.

              Story Forward: 8

              The scene moves the story forward by providing important information about the investigation and the characters' methods. It sets up future conflicts and raises questions about the characters' past.

              Unpredictability: 7

              This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the dialogue. The audience is unsure of how the characters will react and what information will be revealed.

              Philosophical Conflict: 9

              There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in using deception and manipulation in interrogation and the other character's questioning of the ethics involved. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.


              Audience Engagement

              Emotional Impact: 7

              The scene doesn't have a strong emotional impact, but the tension and conflict between the characters create a sense of unease and anticipation.

              Dialogue: 9

              The dialogue is sharp and engaging, revealing important information about the characters and their methods. The conversation between Reid and Jack is tense and filled with subtext.

              Engagement: 9

              This scene is engaging because of the tension and conflict between the characters, as well as the psychological aspects of the interrogation. The dialogue and narrative description keep the audience invested in the scene.

              Pacing: 8

              The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue and narrative description flow smoothly and keep the scene moving.


              Technical Aspect

              Formatting: 9

              The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

              Structure: 8

              The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, followed by character dialogue and narrative description.


              Critique
              • The scene starts with Reid and Jack in the LAPD Homicide Special parking lot, getting into the Crown Vic. The dialogue between them feels a bit generic and lacks depth. It would be beneficial to explore their relationship and dynamics further.
              • The conversation between Reid and Jack about being recorded and having something to hide feels forced and doesn't add much to the scene. It would be more interesting to delve into their personal conflicts and motivations.
              • The transition from the parking lot to downtown Los Angeles is abrupt and could be smoother. It would be helpful to have a visual cue or a brief description to indicate the change in location.
              • The use of voiceover from Reid's therapy session is a good way to provide insight into her character, but it could be integrated more seamlessly into the scene. Consider using voiceover as a tool to enhance the visuals and emotions rather than just providing exposition.
              • The dialogue during the car ride focuses on Reid's interrogation tactics, which is interesting, but it would be more engaging to explore the emotional toll of their work and the impact it has on their personal lives.
              • The mention of Reid's old partner, Garrett, feels out of place and doesn't contribute much to the scene. If Garrett is an important character, it would be better to introduce him in a more meaningful way.
              • The conflict between Reid and Jack regarding their interrogation tactics and the mention of Garrett's questionable methods could be further developed to create more tension and emotional stakes.
              • The scene ends with Jack sitting back and telling Reid to forget he said anything about Garrett, which feels anticlimactic. It would be more impactful to end the scene on a stronger note, perhaps with a revelation or a heightened emotional moment.
              Suggestions
              • Explore the relationship between Reid and Jack in more depth, revealing their conflicting ideologies and personal struggles.
              • Consider adding more subtext and layers to the dialogue, allowing the characters to reveal their true motivations and vulnerabilities.
              • Smooth out the transition between the parking lot and downtown Los Angeles, providing a visual cue or description to indicate the change in location.
              • Integrate the voiceover from Reid's therapy session more seamlessly into the scene, using it to enhance the visuals and emotions rather than just providing exposition.
              • Focus on the emotional toll of their work and the impact it has on Reid and Jack's personal lives, creating a deeper connection with the audience.
              • If Garrett is an important character, introduce him in a more meaningful way that contributes to the overall story and conflict.
              • Develop the conflict between Reid and Jack regarding their interrogation tactics and the mention of Garrett's questionable methods, creating more tension and emotional stakes.
              • End the scene on a stronger note, with a revelation or heightened emotional moment that leaves the audience wanting more.



              Scene 10 -  Recounting a Brutal Murder
              EXT. LA RIVER/SIXTH STREET BRIDGE - DAY

              A vacant parking lot nestled between the looming silhouettes
              of old warehouses and rundown office buildings.

              The Crown Vic pulls in. The dry, barren LA river on one side,
              the silhouetted downtown skyline on the other.

              Oddly quite. Nobody here but them.

              Reid scans the perimeter for any signs of SK, anything out of
              place, out of the ordinary, any threat.

              She moves across the parking lot, zeroing in on a spot,
              calling back the memories.

              Getting the scent back.

              REID
              It all started right here. Chrissie
              Taff, nineteen, selling her body to
              buy drugs.

              She moves. Jack follows, holding his phone up to record.

              REID
              They found her behind a storage
              container over here. Secluded,
              hidden behind the footings for the
              bridge, the noise from the trucks
              coming in and out of the warehouses
              covering her screams. No one around
              for blocks.
              (laughs to herself)
              Look at me, going on and on, you
              already know all of this.

              JACK
              But no one’s ever heard it from
              you. Your side of the story, that’s
              what readers want.

              REID
              You mean that’s what SK wants.

              JACK
              I have no idea what he wants.
              35.


              REID
              Maybe he just wants to stay
              relevant, like you.

              JACK
              Or maybe he just has a genuine
              taste for it. Like you.

              That lands.

              REID
              Maybe...
              (looks around)
              He felt comfortable killing her
              here. Strangling someone takes a
              lot longer than people think. Here
              he had plenty of time. He could
              enjoy the moment.

              JACK
              In control.

              REID
              Manipulation, domination, control.

              JACK
              So he yanks her out of the car-


              EXT. LA RIVER/SIXTH STREET BRIDGE - NIGHT

              TEN YEARS AGO, as Chrissie’s murder is happening.

              INTERCUT

              Jack and Reid present day with QUICK FLASHES of Chrissie’s
              attack in silhouette-

              JACK
              And drags her over here, behind the
              cargo container.

              The Killer dragging CHRISSIE TAFF over to the cargo
              container. She’s terrified.

              Crack’s the back of her head with a BLACKJACK (a lead ball
              wrapped in a small, flexible leather handle).

              Chrissie slams to the ground - dazed.

              REID
              Knocks her out with a blow to the
              head.
              (MORE)
              36.
              REID (CONT’D)
              Shoves her to the ground and ties
              her hands and feet behind her back.
              Rips her skirt and shirt off.

              ZIP, ZIP. The plastic ties are yanked tight around both
              hands, then her ankles.

              REID
              Takes her bra, slices a hole in one
              of the breast cups and feeds the
              rest of it through the hole, making
              a noose.

              Pulls Chrissie’s head up by her hair and wraps the bra/noose
              around her neck. Yanks it tight, dangling her head above the
              ground.

              REID
              Strangles her just to the point of
              death, and then releases pressure.
              Waits for her to regain
              consciousness-

              JACK
              So he can kill her all over again.

              REID
              Ties off the noose and leaves her
              here to die. Alone.

              Chrissie’s face drops into frame, her eyes bulging.

              Jack stares at Reid, longing for a reaction.

              JACK
              So how does it feel, being here, in
              the exact same spot, ten years
              later?

              Suddenly Reid is standing in the middle of the crime scene,
              ten years ago, staring down at the dead body of Chrissie
              Taff.

              REID
              Like yesterday.

              JACK (VO)
              Some things we just keep reliving.
              Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

              Summary Reid and Jack discuss the details of Chrissie Taff's murder in a vacant parking lot near the LA River. Reid recounts how the killer strangled her with a bra, while flashbacks show the brutal attack. Jack records Reid's story for his book, and they delve into the killer's desire for control and domination. The scene ends with Reid standing at the crime scene, ten years ago, staring at Chrissie Taff's lifeless body, feeling as if it happened just yesterday.
              Strengths
              • Intense atmosphere
              • Engaging dialogue
              • Psychological exploration of characters
              Weaknesses

                Ratings
                Overall

                Overall: 9

                The scene is highly effective in creating a dark and intense atmosphere, building suspense, and revealing important details about the crime. The dialogue is engaging and reveals the psychological aspects of the characters involved.


                Story Content

                Concept: 8

                The concept of revisiting a crime scene and exploring the psychological impact on the protagonist is intriguing and adds depth to the story.

                Plot: 9

                The plot is gripping and reveals crucial information about the crime, creating suspense and anticipation for the audience.

                Originality: 6

                The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of investigating a past crime and confronting trauma is familiar, the specific details of the murder and the protagonist's internal struggles add a fresh and unique perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


                Character Development

                Characters: 9

                The characters are well-developed and their psychological dynamics are explored through their dialogue and actions.

                Character Changes: 8

                The protagonist experiences a sense of reliving the past and confronting her emotions, which leads to a subtle change in her perspective.

                Internal Goal: 8

                The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront her past and come to terms with the trauma she experienced. It reflects her deeper need for closure, her fear of reliving the past, and her desire to understand the motives of the killer.

                External Goal: 7

                The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to provide her side of the story and share her experiences with Jack, who is writing about the case. It reflects the immediate circumstance of their investigation and the challenge of uncovering the truth about the killer.


                Scene Elements

                Conflict Level: 9

                The conflict between the protagonist and the serial killer, as well as the internal conflict within the protagonist, creates tension and drives the scene.

                Opposition: 8

                The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist confronts her traumatic past and the mystery of the killer's motives. The audience is unsure of how the investigation will unfold and how the protagonist will emotionally handle the revelations.

                High Stakes: 9

                The stakes are high as the protagonist confronts the past and tries to uncover the truth about the serial killer.

                Story Forward: 9

                The scene provides important information about the crime, deepens the understanding of the protagonist's motivations, and moves the story forward.

                Unpredictability: 7

                This scene is unpredictable because it reveals new information about the murder case and the protagonist's past, keeping the audience guessing about the killer's motives and the protagonist's emotional journey.

                Philosophical Conflict: 7

                There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief that the killer is motivated by manipulation, domination, and control, and Jack's suggestion that the killer may have a genuine taste for violence. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and raises questions about the nature of evil.


                Audience Engagement

                Emotional Impact: 9

                The scene evokes strong emotions through its dark and intense atmosphere, the description of the crime, and the psychological exploration of the characters.

                Dialogue: 9

                The dialogue is engaging, revealing the thoughts and emotions of the characters, and adding depth to the scene.

                Engagement: 8

                This scene is engaging because it combines elements of mystery, suspense, and psychological depth. The dialogue reveals new information about the murder case, and the intercutting between present-day and past events creates tension and intrigue.

                Pacing: 8

                The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between slower, introspective moments and faster-paced intercutting between present-day and past events. This creates a rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and builds suspense.


                Technical Aspect

                Formatting: 9

                The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

                Structure: 9

                The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and description of the location, followed by dialogue and intercutting between present-day and past events.


                Critique
                • The scene starts with a strong visual description of the setting, which helps to establish the tone and atmosphere.
                • The dialogue between Reid and Jack is engaging and reveals important information about the killer and their motivations.
                • The intercutting between present-day and the flashback of Chrissie's murder adds tension and suspense to the scene.
                • The description of Chrissie's murder is vivid and disturbing, effectively conveying the brutality of the crime.
                • Reid's emotional response to being back at the crime scene is powerful and adds depth to her character.
                • The scene effectively builds on the previous scenes and advances the overall plot of catching the serial killer.
                Suggestions
                • Consider adding more visual elements or actions to enhance the scene and make it more visually engaging.
                • Explore the conflict between Reid and Jack further, as their differing perspectives on the killer's motivations could create more tension.
                • Provide more context or backstory for Chrissie Taff to make her character more relatable and increase the emotional impact of her murder.
                • Consider adding more dialogue or interaction between Reid and Jack to further develop their relationship and dynamics.
                • Explore the psychological impact of Reid reliving the murder and how it affects her mindset and actions going forward.
                • Consider adding a resolution or cliffhanger at the end of the scene to leave the audience wanting more.



                Scene 11 -  The Mysterious Lockbox
                EXT. LA RIVER/SIXTH STREET BRIDGE - DAY

                BACK TO PRESENT DAY
                37.


                The weight of the past sitting like a wet blanket on her
                shoulders.

                REID
                (almost to herself)
                Even if we don’t want to.

                They receive another text from SK.

                REID’S POV OF HER PHONE and the text which simply says-

                “LOOK BEHIND YOU”

                She quick draws her weapon as she spins to find-

                A LOCKBOX, shackled to the fence lining the parking lot.

                There’s a small ENVELOPE zip-tied to it addressed to Reid.

                Reid pulls some latex gloves from her pocket. Hands Jack a
                pair, slips hers on.

                She opens the envelope and reads-

                REID
                “You promised.”

                Reid examines the lockbox. There’s a illuminated blue circle
                on the front-

                REID
                No keypad. How do we-

                JACK
                Maybe it’s Bluetooth.

                The blue circle turns green and we hear a slight CLICK.

                They share a look. What the fuck?

                Reid lifts the door of the lockbox open and finds-

                An OLD LOCKET NECKLACE. Pries it open.

                Jack snaps a few pictures with his phone.

                Inside the locket is a picture of a young mother, GINNI TAFF,
                with her ten-year-old daughter Chrissie.

                Engraved on the back is-
                38.


                REID
                (reading)
                To Chrissie. You’ll always be my
                baby girl.

                JACK
                There’s something else.

                Reid pulls out an AIRPOD CASE. There’s a note.

                REID
                You both need to hear this.

                Reid hands one AirPod to Jack, puts the other one in her ear.

                A message starts to play. GINNI TAFF, 50s, sobbing, speaks
                through her tears.

                GINNI
                (over airpods)
                Chrissie was my little girl. My
                baby. I begged her not to go to
                L.A., but she wanted to make a
                change and start her life over. But
                that didn’t work out, did it? First
                the drugs took her soul, then he
                took the rest. But you said you’d
                find her killer, Detective Reid.
                You promised. You promised.

                A shadow passes over Reid’s heart as the message ends.

                They pull out their AirPods.

                REID
                You still want to go down memory
                lane?

                JACK
                I don’t think we have a choice.

                REID
                We don’t. I have to see where this
                goes, where he takes us, and where
                I end it.

                SOMEONE’S POV

                Watching them through the ZOOM LENS of a CAMERA. Following
                them, snapping pictures as they walk back to the Crown Vic...
                CLICK, CLICK, CLICK.

                The PHOTOGRAPHER pulls out a cell phone. Punches in a code
                then-
                39.


                Jack and Reid receive a text. Jack reads it.

                JACK
                Chinatown.

                REID
                Jia.

                Jack looks around. Nervous.

                JACK
                You think he’s watching us right
                now?

                REID
                Yes.

                JACK
                That bother you.

                REID
                All part of the game, right?
                Besides, it’s my job.

                JACK
                Your job?

                REID
                To speak for the dead.

                Screams across the parking lot.

                REID
                YOU LISTENING?!

                Another text. Jack reads it.

                JACK
                Yes. I’m listening.

                REID
                Good.


                EXT. CITY STREETS - SUNSET

                The Crown Vic snakes West through downtown, silhouetted
                against the warm sun dipping behind the downtown skyline.

                Over this-

                REID (VO)
                I’m all they’ve got.
                40.


                SALLY (VO)
                You think you’re the only one who
                can help them?

                REID (VO)
                I think I’m really good at what I
                do.

                SALLY (VO)
                It gives you purpose.

                REID (VO)
                It gives me hope.

                SALLY (VO)
                Does this hope bring you happiness,
                or are you always waiting for the
                other shoe to drop?

                A long beat.

                REID (VO)
                No comment.
                Genres: ["Mystery","Crime","Thriller"]

                Summary Reid and Jack receive a text from SK asking them to look behind them. They find a lockbox with an envelope addressed to Reid. Inside the lockbox, they discover an old locket necklace with a picture of Ginni Taff and her daughter Chrissie, along with an AirPod case containing a message from Ginni pleading for Reid's help in finding her daughter's killer. Reid and Jack discuss their next move and the possibility of being watched by SK. The scene ends with them receiving a text revealing the location of their next destination.
                Strengths
                • Effective use of suspense and emotion
                • Engaging dialogue
                • Compelling mystery
                Weaknesses

                  Ratings
                  Overall

                  Overall: 9

                  The scene effectively creates tension and emotion through the discovery of the lockbox and the message from the victim's mother. It sets up the main objective of the detectives and establishes their determination to solve the case. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the past and the characters' motivations.


                  Story Content

                  Concept: 8

                  The concept of uncovering a lockbox with personal items and a message from the victim's mother adds intrigue and mystery to the scene. It introduces a new clue and propels the investigation forward.

                  Plot: 9

                  The plot advances significantly in this scene as the detectives discover the lockbox and its contents. It raises the stakes and deepens their commitment to solving the case. The scene also foreshadows their journey to Chinatown.

                  Originality: 6

                  The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the overall premise of a detective solving a murder is familiar, the specific details and clues introduced in this scene add a fresh approach to the genre. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


                  Character Development

                  Characters: 9

                  The characters' reactions to the lockbox and their determination to find the killer are well-portrayed. Reid's emotional connection to the case and her promise to the victim's mother add depth to her character. Jack's supportive role and willingness to follow Reid's lead are also evident.

                  Character Changes: 8

                  Reid's determination to solve the case and her emotional connection to the victim's mother showcase her growth and commitment as a detective. This scene marks a turning point in her resolve.

                  Internal Goal: 8

                  The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find closure and justice for the murder victim, Chrissie. This reflects her deeper need for justice, her fear of failing to keep her promise, and her desire to bring peace to the victim's mother.

                  External Goal: 7

                  The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to follow the clues and solve the mystery surrounding Chrissie's murder. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she's facing as a detective.


                  Scene Elements

                  Conflict Level: 7

                  There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene as the detectives face the challenge of deciphering the lockbox and uncovering its significance. The presence of a mysterious photographer also adds tension.

                  Opposition: 8

                  The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges in the form of the mysterious text message and the lockbox. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

                  High Stakes: 8

                  The discovery of the lockbox and the message from the victim's mother raise the stakes in the investigation. The detectives are now more determined than ever to find the killer and bring justice.

                  Story Forward: 9

                  The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new clue and propelling the detectives towards Chinatown. It deepens the mystery and raises the stakes.

                  Unpredictability: 7

                  This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the mysterious text message and the lockbox. The audience is left wondering what will happen next.

                  Philosophical Conflict: 0

                  There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                  Audience Engagement

                  Emotional Impact: 9

                  The scene evokes sadness and hope through the message from the victim's mother. It creates an emotional connection between the audience and the characters, heightening the stakes and investment in the investigation.

                  Dialogue: 8

                  The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters. The message from the victim's mother is particularly impactful and adds depth to the scene.

                  Engagement: 9

                  This scene is engaging because it introduces a mystery and raises questions that make the audience want to know more. The dialogue and actions of the characters create tension and suspense.

                  Pacing: 9

                  The pacing of this scene is effective in building suspense and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and the progression of actions contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


                  Technical Aspect

                  Formatting: 9

                  The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action lines in a clear and organized manner.

                  Structure: 8

                  The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear establishing shot, introduces the characters' actions and dialogue, and ends with a cliffhanger.


                  Critique
                  • The scene starts with Reid reflecting on the weight of the past, but it is not clear what specifically she is referring to. It would be helpful to provide more context or a specific event that is weighing on her.
                  • The discovery of the lockbox and the contents inside is intriguing and adds to the mystery of the story. However, the dialogue between Reid and Jack feels a bit flat and lacks emotion. It would be beneficial to inject more tension and urgency into their conversation.
                  • The revelation of the locket necklace and the message from Ginni Taff is a powerful moment, but it could be enhanced by adding more emotional depth to Reid's reaction. This is a pivotal moment for her character, and it would be impactful to see her emotional journey more clearly.
                  • The introduction of the photographer watching Reid and Jack adds an element of danger and suspense to the scene. However, it is not clear who this photographer is or their connection to the story. Providing more information or hints about their identity would create more intrigue.
                  • The scene ends with Reid and Jack receiving a text with the location of their next destination, but it feels a bit abrupt. It would be beneficial to have a moment of reflection or anticipation from the characters before moving on to the next scene.
                  Suggestions
                  • Provide more context or a specific event that is weighing on Reid in her reflection on the past.
                  • Inject more tension and urgency into the dialogue between Reid and Jack as they discover the lockbox and its contents.
                  • Add more emotional depth to Reid's reaction to the locket necklace and the message from Ginni Taff.
                  • Provide more information or hints about the identity of the photographer watching Reid and Jack.
                  • Include a moment of reflection or anticipation from the characters before moving on to the next scene.



                  Scene 12 -  The Killer's Mindset
                  INT. CROWN VIC (MOVING) - SUNSET

                  Jack continues recording on his phone.

                  JACK
                  Can anyone be a killer?

                  REID
                  Everyone has their limits.

                  She points to random people walking on the sidewalks.

                  REID
                  Could be the banker on the corner,
                  tech nerd over there, a teacher, a
                  student, a lawyer-

                  JACK
                  A Cop.

                  Reid locks eyes with Jack. Is there something there?

                  REID
                  Yeah, cops can be killers too.

                  JACK
                  Probably be pretty good at it. Know
                  what to do so they wouldn’t get
                  caught.
                  (MORE)
                  41.
                  JACK (CONT’D)
                  Steer the investigation away from
                  them, towards someone else...

                  REID
                  Is there something you want to say?

                  He shifts gears.

                  JACK
                  You ever empathize with the killer?

                  REID
                  In the sense that he’s sick, weak -

                  JACK
                  Weak?

                  REID
                  He’s both the hero and the victim
                  in his own story. He can
                  compartmentalize it, rationalize
                  it, flip it on and off like a
                  switch. He’s a puzzle that he can’t
                  even solve, but we have to.

                  JACK
                  What if you never find all the
                  pieces?

                  REID
                  We will. He can’t help himself. His
                  obsession will be his downfall.

                  JACK
                  Word to the wise. So, when do I get
                  to talk to her?

                  REID
                  Who?

                  JACK
                  Jane Doe. I was promised access-

                  REID
                  Not by me.

                  JACK
                  Come on, don’t make me go over-

                  REID
                  This is the part where you play
                  nice, Jack. More flies with honey.
                  42.


                  Jack bites his tongue, pushes back in his seat. A little kid
                  on time out.

                  REID
                  That’s a good boy...


                  EXT. HOP LOUIE - NIGHT (TEN YEARS AGO)

                  CHINATOWN CENTRAL PLAZA. It’s late, but still busy. Paper
                  lanterns strung between Pagoda-style buildings. Bright neon
                  lights fill the plaza with a colorful glow.

                  OUR KILLER’S POV, watching couples and families come and go.

                  Waiting for someone.

                  JIA CHEN, 20s, steps out of Hop Louie with several coworkers.
                  They kiss and hug goodbye, heading off towards Broadway while
                  Jia crosses the plaza alone.

                  She’s dressed in a beautiful blue Chinese silk dress, the
                  long matching scarf around her neck blowing in the warm
                  summer breeze.

                  WE FOLLOW her, passing her coworkers, who smile and nod hello
                  as we brush by them.

                  Jia, earbuds in, listens to music as she strolls along
                  smiling. Doesn’t notice us following her as she turns the
                  corner onto another row of restaurants, bars and loud Karaoke
                  in the plaza.

                  We stay within the sea of night-goers, careful not to alert
                  her to our presence.

                  She turns down an alley.

                  We gain on her as she crosses into a large parking lot.


                  EXT. CHINATOWN/PARKING LOT - NIGHT

                  We stay hidden, creeping behind a row of cars as we stalk our
                  prey deeper into the lot.

                  We look around to see if there’s anyone else around.

                  We’re all alone. Just us and Jia.

                  This is the moment we’ve been waiting for, planning for,
                  dreaming of.
                  43.


                  Jia reaches her car and unlocks the driver’s side door with a
                  chirp.

                  But something’s wrong. She senses it, slowly pulls out her
                  earbuds, turning off the music on her phone.

                  She glances around.

                  Is someone there?

                  Nothing. Laughs to herself for getting spooked as she opens
                  the door, but then-

                  She feels us approaching and turns as we-

                  Slam her against the car, clamp our hand around her throat,
                  and squeeze.

                  Press a STRAIGHT-EDGE RAZOR KNIFE against her throat.

                  She freezes. Wind knocked out of her. Her eyes go wide,
                  looking around for help, but there’s none coming.

                  We slowly remove the blue scarf, then-

                  We smash her head against the door-jam of the car. Dazing
                  her.

                  Drag her into the shadows. Slam her to the ground.

                  CLOSE ON Jia staring up at us as the bra/noose tightens
                  around her neck.

                  We want her to watch us as we squeeze the life out of her.

                  Fear turns to resignation as she chokes out her last breath.

                  We drop her to the ground and then-

                  We stare down at her, studying her, taking it all in.

                  Pleased.

                  And then we’re-
                  Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

                  Summary In this scene, Jack and Reid discuss the possibility of anyone being a killer, including cops. Reid empathizes with the killer, seeing them as both hero and victim. Jack asks about talking to Jane Doe, but Reid tells him to play nice. The scene then shifts to the killer's POV as they stalk and kill Jia Chen in a Chinatown parking lot. The tension between Jack and Reid is evident as they have conflicting views on the killer's mindset. The scene ends with the killer pleased with their actions and studying Jia Chen's body.
                  Strengths
                  • Engaging dialogue
                  • Suspenseful atmosphere
                  • Strong character dynamics
                  Weaknesses
                  • Lack of significant character change

                  Ratings
                  Overall

                  Overall: 9

                  The scene is highly engaging and suspenseful, with strong dialogue and a gripping plot.


                  Story Content

                  Concept: 8

                  The concept of exploring the psychology of a killer and the detective's perspective is intriguing and well-executed.

                  Plot: 9

                  The plot is well-developed and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

                  Originality: 7

                  The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of exploring the mindset of a killer and the philosophical conflict between the protagonist's beliefs and the killer's actions is not entirely unique, the specific situations and dialogue in this scene provide a fresh approach to familiar themes. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


                  Character Development

                  Characters: 9

                  The characters are complex and their interactions add depth to the scene.

                  Character Changes: 7

                  While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it sets up the potential for character growth and development in future scenes.

                  Internal Goal: 8

                  The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the mindset of a killer and empathize with them. This reflects their deeper need to solve the puzzle of the killer's actions and motivations, as well as their desire to catch the killer and bring them to justice.

                  External Goal: 7

                  The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gain access to talk to Jane Doe, who is related to the investigation. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the bureaucracy and politics of law enforcement to get the information they need.


                  Scene Elements

                  Conflict Level: 9

                  The conflict between the killer and the detective creates tension and drives the scene forward.

                  Opposition: 8

                  The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges in understanding the killer's mindset and gaining access to information. The audience is unsure of how these obstacles will be overcome, adding to the tension and conflict.

                  High Stakes: 10

                  The stakes are high as the killer continues their spree and the detective races against time to catch them.

                  Story Forward: 9

                  The scene provides important information and progresses the overall story.

                  Unpredictability: 8

                  This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns in the dialogue and actions of the characters. The audience is kept on their toes and unsure of how the scene will unfold.

                  Philosophical Conflict: 9

                  The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's belief that killers are sick and weak, while the killer is portrayed as both the hero and the victim in their own story. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values about the nature of killers and their ability to rationalize their actions.


                  Audience Engagement

                  Emotional Impact: 8

                  The scene evokes a sense of fear and intrigue, leaving the audience emotionally invested.

                  Dialogue: 10

                  The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations.

                  Engagement: 9

                  This scene is engaging because it introduces a philosophical conflict and raises questions about the nature of killers and the protagonist's beliefs. The sharp and impactful dialogue keeps the audience interested and invested in the characters' motivations and actions.

                  Pacing: 9

                  The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and suspense. The dialogue and actions are well-paced, keeping the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


                  Technical Aspect

                  Formatting: 9

                  The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of capitalization, punctuation, and indentation. The scene is easy to read and understand.

                  Structure: 8

                  The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The scene flows smoothly and transitions between different locations and time periods effectively.


                  Critique
                  • The dialogue in this scene is engaging and reveals important information about the characters' perspectives on killers and their motivations.
                  • The tension between Reid and Jack is palpable, especially when Reid accuses cops of being killers and Jack becomes defensive.
                  • The shift in tone from the discussion in the car to the killer's POV adds an eerie and suspenseful element to the scene.
                  • The visual descriptions of the killer stalking and killing Jia Chen are vivid and effectively convey the brutality of the murder.
                  • The scene ends on a chilling note with the killer studying Jia Chen's body, leaving the audience wanting to know what will happen next.
                  Suggestions
                  • Consider adding more subtext and nuance to the dialogue between Reid and Jack to deepen their conflict and reveal more about their characters.
                  • Explore the emotional impact of Reid's accusation that cops can be killers and Jack's defensive response in more detail.
                  • Consider incorporating more visual elements and actions in the scene to enhance the tension and suspense.
                  • Experiment with different ways to reveal the killer's POV, such as through visual cues or internal monologue, to further engage the audience.
                  • Consider ending the scene with a cliffhanger or a revelation that leaves the audience on the edge of their seats.



                  Scene 13 -  Tense Investigation in Chinatown
                  EXT. CHINATOWN/PARKING LOT - NIGHT

                  BACK TO TONIGHT

                  Reid leads Jack across the parking lot. It’s quiet. A lot of
                  the restaurants and shops have gone out of business over the
                  years. They reach the stairs leading down to a basement
                  entrance.
                  44.


                  REID
                  He dumped her body at the bottom of
                  the stairs.

                  JACK
                  Witnesses?

                  Shakes her head, despondent.

                  REID
                  Too afraid to talk to us.

                  CLICK, CLICK.

                  SOMEONE’S POV

                  Watching again through the ZOOM LENS OF A CAMERA, taking
                  pictures of them from across the street.

                  Then Reid sees it. The BLUE SILK SCARF tied around the
                  doorknob of the basement entrance. She takes a picture with
                  her phone. Grabs it. Shakes her head. Frustrated.

                  REID
                  Jia was wearing a dress that
                  matches this scarf the night she
                  was murdered. He’s showing us his
                  murder book. Letting us know he’s
                  in control.

                  Reid pockets the scarf and walks off toward the Crown Vic.

                  JACK
                  Shouldn’t you have FIU come down
                  here?

                  Reid keeps walking, doesn’t turn back.

                  REID
                  To find what? Prints? He didn’t
                  leave any.

                  JACK
                  Garrett was first on scene here,
                  wasn’t he? Anonymous phone call?

                  REID
                  Yeah, that’s right.

                  JACK
                  Lucky him. High profile case.
                  Career maker.
                  45.


                  REID
                  Nothing lucky about it. He was a
                  good cop.

                  JACK
                  But not a great one.

                  REID
                  We all make mistakes.

                  Jack steps in front of Reid, cuts her off.

                  JACK
                  He was a suspect, wasn’t he?

                  REID
                  No, he wasn’t.

                  JACK
                  Not officially.

                  Pushes past him.

                  REID
                  Not ever.

                  JACK
                  His drinking was out of control,
                  he’d go missing for days around the
                  times of the murders-

                  REID
                  He had just lost his wife.

                  JACK
                  You mean she had just left him.

                  REID
                  He was a good cop!

                  JACK
                  But was he a good man?

                  Reid doesn’t have a quick answer.

                  Jack sees an opening.

                  JACK
                  Still protecting him after all
                  these years.

                  She stops walking. Ends it.
                  46.


                  REID
                  He’s a good man.

                  She storms off. He’s getting to her.


                  EXT. VEGA ELECTRONICS STORE - NIGHT

                  The Crown Vic is parked in front of an old school electronics
                  repair shop. TVs and computer monitors are displayed in the
                  window, playing a mix of live TV and commercials.

                  Reid and Jack round the corner from the parking lot and head
                  towards the Vic, but something catches Reid’s eye.

                  She stops and looks closer at one of the MONITORS on display.

                  IT’S PLAYING A VIDEO OF-

                  JIA, from ten years ago, filming herself on her phone in her
                  apartment.

                  Reid leans in. Is she really seeing this?

                  Jia is wearing the same BLUE CHINESE SILK DRESS AND SCARF
                  that she was wearing the night she was murdered.

                  Jack watches over Reid’s shoulder.

                  JACK
                  Jesus, that’s Jia.

                  Jia spins around, smiling, so happy in her new dress.

                  She blows a kiss to us, but then the IMAGE GLITCHES and-

                  Jia looks straight at camera-

                  JIA
                  You promised Detective Reid.

                  Reid startles. What the fuck?

                  She moves to the front door of the store, but it’s locked.
                  CLOSED sign hanging on the door.

                  She bangs on the door. Doesn’t get an answer. Calls the
                  number on the sign, but hears-

                  Woman
                  (over phone)
                  We’re sorry, this number has been
                  disconnected or is no longer in
                  service.
                  47.


                  Reid hangs up. Looks around, irritation building.

                  SOMEONE’S POV

                  Taking more pictures of them from across the street. CLICK,
                  CLICK.

                  A quick glimpse of THE PHOTOGRAPHER, his face hidden by his
                  camera. His old, worn “Planet Hollywood” baseball cap pulled
                  down low.

                  He snaps a few more pictures. CLICK, CLICK.

                  BACK WITH REID

                  Painful memories rushing back.

                  She loses herself for a moment, her face going sick-

                  JACK
                  You OK?

                  Reels it in. Collects herself. Covers...

                  REID
                  Yeah... I’m fine.

                  But she isn’t.

                  DING.

                  A text from SK. Jack reads it.

                  JACK
                  Next stop, Echo Park. Sweet, sweet,
                  Elena-

                  REID
                  Rodriguez.

                  Reid moves to the car.

                  JACK
                  Something you want to tell me.

                  REID
                  Get in the goddamn car.

                  JACK
                  What did I do?

                  REID
                  Get.
                  48.


                  CLICK, CLICK. More pictures.

                  Reid senses something. Turns to look across the street, but-

                  The PHOTOGRAPHER IS GONE.

                  Maybe it was nothing. She climbs into the car.
                  Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller"]

                  Summary Reid and Jack investigate the parking lot where Jia's body was dumped. Reid finds a blue silk scarf tied to the basement entrance, matching the dress Jia was wearing when she was murdered. They argue about Garrett, a cop who was a suspect. Reid sees a video of Jia on a monitor in front of a closed electronics store. They receive a text from SK about their next stop. Someone takes pictures of them from across the street.
                  Strengths
                  • Engaging dialogue
                  • Strong emotional depth
                  • Intriguing plot twists
                  Weaknesses
                  • Limited exploration of themes

                  Ratings
                  Overall

                  Overall: 9

                  The scene is well-written and engaging, with strong dialogue and emotional depth. It effectively builds suspense and raises intriguing questions about the case and the characters involved.


                  Story Content

                  Concept: 8

                  The concept of a murder investigation with potential twists and hidden motives is compelling. The introduction of the mysterious photographer adds an extra layer of intrigue.

                  Plot: 9

                  The plot progresses significantly in this scene, as new evidence is discovered and the investigation takes a surprising turn. The conflict between Reid and Jack also adds tension and raises questions about the integrity of a suspect.

                  Originality: 7

                  The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting of Chinatown and the investigation of a murder are familiar elements in crime dramas, the specific details and character dynamics bring a fresh approach to the genre. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


                  Character Development

                  Characters: 8

                  The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively conveyed. Reid's loyalty to a suspect and Jack's skepticism create an interesting dynamic.

                  Character Changes: 8

                  Reid experiences a moment of doubt and vulnerability when Jack questions her loyalty to a suspect. This suggests potential character growth and development.

                  Internal Goal: 8

                  The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about the murder and protect the memory of her deceased colleague. This reflects her deeper need for justice and her fear of letting her colleague's killer go unpunished.

                  External Goal: 7

                  The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate the basement entrance and find evidence related to the murder. This reflects the immediate challenge of gathering clues and building a case against the killer.


                  Scene Elements

                  Conflict Level: 8

                  The conflict between Reid and Jack adds tension and raises questions about the integrity of a suspect. The conflict between the investigators and the mysterious photographer also adds intrigue.

                  Opposition: 8

                  The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges in gathering evidence and dealing with doubts from other characters. The audience is unsure of how the investigation will unfold and what obstacles the protagonist will encounter.

                  High Stakes: 8

                  The stakes are high as the investigation uncovers new evidence and raises questions about the integrity of a suspect. The potential involvement of the mysterious photographer adds an extra layer of danger.

                  Story Forward: 9

                  The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new evidence and raising questions about a suspect's innocence. It also deepens the conflict between the characters.

                  Unpredictability: 7

                  This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the discovery of the blue silk scarf and the appearance of a video of the murder victim. These surprises keep the audience engaged and curious about what will happen next.

                  Philosophical Conflict: 6

                  There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in her deceased colleague's innocence and the other character's doubts about his character. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, as she must confront the possibility that her colleague was not as good of a person as she believed.


                  Audience Engagement

                  Emotional Impact: 9

                  The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly frustration, despondency, and irritation. The revelation of new evidence and the tension between the characters contribute to the emotional impact.

                  Dialogue: 9

                  The dialogue is sharp and reveals important information about the case and the characters' relationships. It also conveys their emotions and adds depth to the scene.

                  Engagement: 8

                  This scene is engaging because it introduces a mystery and raises questions about the murder and the characters' motivations. The dialogue and actions of the characters create tension and suspense.

                  Pacing: 8

                  The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of tension and moments of reflection. The rhythm of the dialogue and the use of descriptive narrative create a sense of urgency and suspense.


                  Technical Aspect

                  Formatting: 9

                  The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, action lines, and dialogue in the correct format.

                  Structure: 9

                  The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a setup of the location and characters, introduces a conflict, and ends with a cliffhanger that leads into the next scene.


                  Critique
                  • The scene starts off with Reid and Jack in a parking lot, discussing the case. However, the dialogue feels a bit flat and lacks depth. It would be beneficial to add more emotional weight to their conversation to make it more engaging for the audience.
                  • The introduction of the photographer taking pictures of Reid and Jack adds a sense of tension and mystery to the scene. However, the execution of this element could be improved. The presence of the photographer is not fully explored or resolved, leaving the audience with unanswered questions.
                  • The transition to the Vega Electronics Store feels abrupt and disjointed. It would be helpful to provide a smoother transition or a clearer connection between the parking lot scene and the store scene.
                  • The revelation of the video of Jia on the monitor is a powerful moment, but it could be enhanced by providing more context or explanation. The significance of Jia's message to Detective Reid is not fully explored or explained, leaving the audience confused.
                  • The tension between Reid and Jack regarding Garrett's involvement in the case is an interesting conflict, but it feels unresolved in this scene. It would be beneficial to either resolve this conflict or provide a clearer indication of its importance for future scenes.
                  Suggestions
                  • Add more emotional depth to the dialogue between Reid and Jack. Explore their personal struggles and motivations to make the scene more engaging.
                  • Provide a clearer resolution or explanation for the presence of the photographer taking pictures of Reid and Jack.
                  • Improve the transition between the parking lot scene and the store scene to create a smoother flow.
                  • Provide more context or explanation for the significance of Jia's message to Detective Reid on the video.
                  • Resolve the tension between Reid and Jack regarding Garrett's involvement in the case or provide a clearer indication of its importance for future scenes.



                  Scene 14 -  Echo Park: A Haunting Murder
                  INT. CROWN VIC (MOVING) - NIGHT

                  They drive in silence for a beat. Over this we hear-

                  SALLY (VO)
                  I think you need to work on setting
                  boundaries. Make some time for
                  yourself.

                  REID (VO)
                  How do I set boundaries with the
                  dead? I know I promised to solve
                  your murder, but I’m kind of busy
                  doing hot yoga right now?

                  A moment, then-

                  JACK
                  Were you and Garrett close?

                  A regret.

                  REID
                  He kept to himself.

                  JACK
                  That’s unusual for partners isn’t
                  it?

                  REID
                  He was a loner. Let it get to him
                  more than most. Took it personal.
                  Took it home. Took a toll on him.

                  JACK
                  He retired on a bad psych eval,
                  didn’t he?

                  REID
                  Like I said, it takes a toll. On
                  all of us -- some more, some less,
                  but there’s always a toll.
                  49.


                  EXT. ECHO PARK - NIGHT

                  A warm, busy night in the park. Lights from the swan boats
                  shimmer across the lake. Joggers and bikers taking laps. Kids
                  playing with their parents, couples out for a walk.

                  REID
                  A jogger found her body here in the
                  bushes on her morning run. Same MO
                  as the others, but the big
                  difference here is... here.

                  JACK
                  It’s out in the open.

                  REID
                  Higher risk.

                  JACK
                  What’s going through his head?

                  REID
                  Why don’t you tell me, Jack. Go
                  ahead, give it a shot. See what it
                  feels like to be the killer.

                  Jack considers. Looks around. Closes his eyes, takes a
                  measured breath, slips into it, then-

                  JACK
                  He was comfortable with the area.
                  Probably been here a few times.
                  Hunting. Then he saw her. She was a
                  pretty, tiny little thing, she’d be
                  easy to overpower, and she was
                  alone. The Trifecta.


                  EXT. ECHO PARK - NIGHT (TEN YEARS AGO)

                  The night of Elena’s murder. It’s late. Dark. No more lights
                  from the Swan Boats, no more families, no more couples, just
                  cold silence.

                  KILLER’S POV of ELENA RODRIGUEZ, 20s, walking through the
                  park, HEADPHONES on, listening to music, smiling.

                  JACK (VO)
                  She was listening to music with her
                  headphones on. He watched her
                  before. Same routine, same late-
                  night walk home from work. But this
                  night was different. Magical.
                  (MORE)
                  50.
                  JACK (VO) (CONT'D)
                  The park was empty, except for the
                  two of them. Just how he imagined
                  it.

                  JACK IS THERE, IN THE PAST, IN THE MOMENT, watching the
                  attack play out. Taking it all in.

                  From here WE ONLY HEAR THE SOUNDS of Elena being attacked.

                  Our focus is on Jack.

                  JACK
                  He jumped her, smashed in the side
                  of her head. Now she was putty in
                  his hands, and he could do whatever
                  he wanted, for as long as he
                  wanted. He tied her up and just
                  waited for her to wake up. That
                  numb look of fear in her eyes when
                  she realized what was about to
                  happen to her. Watching her change
                  in front of him. Because of him.

                  A controlled deep breath. Feeling it.

                  JACK
                  All that tension, all that self-
                  hatred just melting away. But he
                  knew it wouldn’t last.
                  Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller"]

                  Summary Reid and Jack drive in silence to Echo Park where Elena's body was found. Reid explains the higher risk of the killer attacking in the open. Jack imagines the killer's perspective during the attack on Elena. The scene then shifts to the past where Jack witnesses the attack on Elena. The tension and fear surrounding Elena's murder is palpable. The scene ends with Jack feeling the killer's tension and self-hatred melting away during the attack on Elena.
                  Strengths
                  • Engaging dialogue
                  • Effective portrayal of tension and fear
                  • Exploration of psychological impact
                  Weaknesses

                    Ratings
                    Overall

                    Overall: 9

                    The scene effectively creates tension and fear through the dialogue and description of the murder. The exploration of the psychological toll adds depth to the story.


                    Story Content

                    Concept: 8

                    The concept of investigating a murder case and delving into the psychological impact on the characters is intriguing and engaging.

                    Plot: 9

                    The plot progresses as the characters discuss the murder case and provide insights into the killer's mindset. The revelation of the murder details from the past adds intrigue.

                    Originality: 6

                    The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the overall premise of a murder investigation is familiar, the specific details and the focus on the psychological aspects of the characters add freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


                    Character Development

                    Characters: 8

                    The characters of Reid and Jack are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations.

                    Character Changes: 8

                    The scene reveals more about Reid's character and his emotional state, showing a change in his perspective on the murder case.

                    Internal Goal: 8

                    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to solve the murder and find the killer. This reflects their deeper need for justice, their fear of failing to solve the case, and their desire to bring closure to the victim's loved ones.

                    External Goal: 7

                    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information about the murder and understand the killer's mindset. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing in their investigation.


                    Scene Elements

                    Conflict Level: 8

                    There is a conflict between Reid's desire to solve the murder and his personal life, as well as the conflict between the detectives and the killer.

                    Opposition: 8

                    The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of understanding the killer's mindset and solving the murder. The audience is kept in suspense and is unsure of how the investigation will progress.

                    High Stakes: 9

                    The stakes are high as the detectives investigate a series of murders and try to catch the killer before more lives are lost.

                    Story Forward: 9

                    The scene provides important information about the murder case and moves the story forward by revealing the killer's mindset and the details of the murder.

                    Unpredictability: 7

                    This scene is unpredictable because it reveals new information about the murder and the killer's mindset. The reader is kept on their toes and is unsure of how the investigation will unfold.

                    Philosophical Conflict: 7

                    There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene. The conflict revolves around the protagonist's beliefs about justice, the toll that their work takes on them, and the challenge of understanding the mindset of a killer.


                    Audience Engagement

                    Emotional Impact: 9

                    The scene evokes emotions of regret, tension, and fear through the dialogue and description of the murder. The psychological impact on the characters adds to the emotional impact.

                    Dialogue: 9

                    The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the murder case and the characters' emotions. The exchange between Jack and Reid is particularly impactful.

                    Engagement: 9

                    This scene is engaging because it combines suspenseful dialogue, atmospheric description, and a flashback that adds depth to the story. The reader is drawn into the investigation and the psychological aspects of the characters.

                    Pacing: 8

                    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between moments of dialogue-driven tension and atmospheric description. The rhythm of the scene keeps the reader engaged and maintains a sense of suspense.


                    Technical Aspect

                    Formatting: 9

                    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, dialogue, and action lines are properly formatted and easy to follow. The use of italics for inner thoughts and flashbacks enhances clarity.

                    Structure: 8

                    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a conversation in a moving car, transitions to a present-day location, and then shifts to a flashback. The progression of the scene effectively builds tension and reveals important information.


                    Critique
                    • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels abrupt and disconnected. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition or a brief reminder of the previous scene's events to provide better continuity.
                    • The dialogue between Reid and Jack in the Crown Vic feels forced and unnatural. The conversation about setting boundaries with the dead and doing hot yoga comes across as awkward and out of place. It doesn't contribute much to the overall story or character development.
                    • The discussion about Garrett and his retirement on a bad psych eval feels rushed and lacks depth. It would be beneficial to explore this topic further and provide more context to the audience.
                    • The transition from the Crown Vic to Echo Park is unclear and could be smoother. It's not immediately clear that they have arrived at their destination.
                    • The dialogue between Reid and Jack in Echo Park is more engaging and helps to build tension and suspense. However, the transition from their conversation to Jack imagining the killer's perspective is abrupt and could be better integrated.
                    • The description of the killer's POV and the attack on Elena is vivid and chilling. However, the use of voiceover for Jack's thoughts feels unnecessary and could be conveyed through visuals and actions instead.
                    • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or transition to the next scene. It would be helpful to have a smoother ending that leads into the next sequence.
                    Suggestions
                    • Consider revising the transition between scenes to provide better continuity and clarity for the audience.
                    • Reevaluate the dialogue in the Crown Vic scene and make it more natural and relevant to the story and character development.
                    • Expand on the discussion about Garrett and his retirement to provide more depth and context for the audience.
                    • Improve the transition from the Crown Vic to Echo Park to make it clearer and smoother.
                    • Integrate Jack's imagination of the killer's perspective more seamlessly into the conversation in Echo Park.
                    • Consider using visuals and actions instead of voiceover for Jack's thoughts during the killer's POV sequence.
                    • Revise the ending of the scene to provide a clearer resolution or transition to the next sequence.



                    Scene 15 -  Manipulative Vigil
                    EXT. ECHO PARK - NIGHT

                    BACK TO TONIGHT.

                    Reid studies Jack, looking for a reaction.

                    REID
                    He finally had a purpose, a
                    calling. And for the first time he
                    felt-

                    JACK
                    Comfortable in his own skin-

                    REID
                    And he made peace with it, right
                    here, right then.

                    JACK
                    To know the artist, you have to
                    know their work.
                    51.


                    REID
                    But what about Elena? To understand
                    the killer, you need to understand
                    the victim. So how about it Jack?
                    Tell me about her.

                    Jack takes a beat. Processing. Struggles.

                    JACK
                    Wrong place, wrong time.

                    REID
                    Come on...

                    Jack tightens.

                    JACK
                    She was scared-

                    Reid paces around him.

                    REID
                    We know that. What about her life,
                    not her death. What made her stand
                    out? What made her the one? How
                    many women walk through this park
                    every night. Why choose her?

                    JACK
                    Maybe she chose him.

                    Anger taking hold, pressing him.

                    REID
                    You’re thinking like him. What was
                    she thinking? Was she in a hurry to
                    get home to see her kids? Did she
                    love to smile and make people
                    laugh, to listen to music with her
                    headphones on?

                    Jack, unsettled, stammers...

                    JACK
                    I, ummm...

                    REID
                    What?

                    Jack snaps.

                    JACK
                    I don’t know!
                    52.


                    Reid unloads.

                    REID
                    Well I have to!
                    (collects herself)
                    Everyone wants to get inside the
                    head of the killer but no one wants
                    to get inside the head of the
                    victim, because that makes them too
                    real, too human.
                    (gets in his face)
                    Doesn’t it, Jack?

                    He doesn’t answer.

                    REID
                    They’re not just stories, they’re
                    not just case numbers, they’re
                    people. And they deserved better.

                    Beating herself up.

                    REID
                    (softer)
                    Especially from me.

                    Jack sees something coming along the lake behind Reid.

                    JACK
                    My God...

                    Reid turns to find-

                    A CANDLE-LIT VIGIL of a hundred people -- women, men,
                    children -- walking in silence towards them, holding flowers,
                    pictures of ELENA RODRIGUEZ, SK’s other victims, and signs
                    that read “JUSTICE FOR ELENA”.

                    JACK
                    Is that for-

                    REID
                    Elena. They’re here for her. For
                    all of them.

                    The procession parts, floating around them, the glow from the
                    candles flickering off Reid’s face as she watches them pass,
                    uncomfortable.

                    An OLD WOMAN, deep lines on her face, tears in her eyes,
                    glances back. Maybe she recognizes Reid. Reid turns away.
                    Can’t look at her.
                    53.


                    As they walk, Reid looks back one more time, sees the Old
                    Woman leaning down, placing flowers on the spot where they
                    found Elena’s body.

                    Reid and Jack reach the car, when-

                    They both receive another TEXT MESSAGE.

                    JACK
                    “I hope you’re having fun. I know I
                    am.”

                    Jack looks around, nervous.

                    JACK
                    He’s-

                    REID
                    Enjoying this.

                    DING. Another text comes in. This one is a picture of them at
                    the 6th Street bridge crime scene.

                    DING. Another one. Picture of Reid and Jack at the Chinatown
                    crime scene.

                    DING. And the third, a CLOSE-UP PICTURE of Reid-

                    Surrounded by the candle-lit vigil.

                    Reid moves, realizing-

                    REID
                    He’s here.

                    Races back across the park through the sea of people
                    surrounding the vigil.

                    WITH THE PHOTOGRAPHER

                    All we see is his old worn “Planet Hollywood” baseball cap as
                    he pushes through the crowd ahead of Reid.

                    Reid chases after him.

                    REID’S POV, checking every face, looking for that one that
                    stands out -- desperate -- but SK’s not here.

                    JACK
                    You see him?

                    Reid stops running, a little winded.
                    54.


                    REID
                    He’s gone.

                    JACK
                    How do you know?

                    REID
                    Because I’m getting the scent back.

                    The Old Woman, tears running down her face, approaches Reid.

                    REID
                    Can I help you?

                    OLD WOMAN
                    You’re the one that let him get
                    away.

                    Reid freezes, back on her heels.

                    OLD WOMAN
                    My Elena is dead because of you.

                    Suddenly ELENA, HEADPHONES ON, face beaten and bloody, is
                    standing in front of Reid.

                    ELENA
                    You promised, remember?

                    But with a blink, it’s the Old Woman again.

                    OLD WOMAN
                    Remember?

                    Reid, shaken, stammers.

                    REID
                    I’m, I’m sorry.

                    OLD WOMAN
                    We’re all sorry, but you’re
                    responsible.

                    Reid starts to answer, but nothing comes out. Lowers her head
                    as she turns away from the Old Woman’s stare.

                    The Old Woman returns to the vigil.

                    REID
                    We should go.

                    JACK
                    Of course.
                    55.


                    But as they walk back to the Crown Vic they find-

                    A SHOE BOX on the roof of the car, driver’s side.

                    A NOTE sticking out from a seam on the side of the box that
                    says-

                    “FOR REID”

                    JACK
                    Jesus.

                    REID
                    Don’t touch it.

                    Reid slips on a pair of LATEX GLOVES.

                    Gently opens the box to find-

                    A large pair of HEADPHONES, shattered on one side, splattered
                    with dried blood.

                    The headphones Elena was wearing when she was murdered.

                    Reid, sickened, fights it.

                    REID
                    She loved listening to music.

                    JACK
                    Why is he giving us his trophies?

                    REID
                    Because he wants to collect a new
                    one.
                    (a beat)
                    ME.

                    Something over Jack’s shoulder catches Reid’s attention.

                    She walks over to a lamp post to find a FLYER ABOUT THE VIGIL
                    taped to it.

                    WE REMEMBER

                    A CANDLELIGHT VIGIL TO HONOR THE MEMORY OF

                    ELENA RODRIGUEZ, CHRISSIE TAFF, JIA CHEN AND DESSIE BURRIS

                    WE’RE IN THIS TOGETHER

                    Smiling photos of each victim above their names.

                    Today’s date and time at the bottom.
                    56.


                    But something about the whole thing seems off, then she
                    realizes-

                    REID
                    “We’re in this together.” That was
                    in his letter to you. He set this
                    whole thing up to use my empathy
                    against me to break me, that’s what
                    this is all about.

                    Jack enjoys getting under her skin.

                    JACK
                    I thought I was the one with the
                    ego.

                    Reid tightens.

                    REID
                    Watch it.

                    Backs off.

                    JACK
                    Just sayin’.

                    REID
                    He thinks he can push my buttons.
                    Well it’s time to start pushing
                    back.

                    She steps away as she pulls out her phone and dials. Signals
                    Jack to stay where he is. He calls after her.

                    JACK
                    Just don’t push the wrong one. You
                    don’t want another body.

                    Reid keeps walking as someone answers.

                    REID
                    (into phone)
                    Hey, it’s me.

                    Jack watches, curious, but he can’t hear the conversation.

                    Reid walks back towards Jack.

                    REID
                    (into phone)
                    See you in a bit.

                    She hangs up.
                    57.


                    JACK
                    Something I should know?

                    Reid smiles. The cat who swallowed the canary.

                    REID
                    You’ll know soon enough. Get in.

                    They climb in.
                    Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Drama"]

                    Summary Reid confronts Jack about understanding the killer and the victim, but their conversation is interrupted by a candle-lit vigil for Elena Rodriguez and the other victims. Reid receives text messages from the killer and realizes he is present at the vigil. She chases after him but he escapes. Reid and Jack find Elena's headphones in a shoe box on their car, leading Reid to realize the killer set up the vigil to manipulate her. She makes a mysterious phone call, hinting that Jack will soon find out the truth.
                    Strengths
                    • Intense dialogue
                    • Emotional impact
                    • Suspenseful atmosphere
                    Weaknesses
                    • Some dialogue could be more concise

                    Ratings
                    Overall

                    Overall: 9

                    The scene is highly engaging and emotionally charged, with intense dialogue and a suspenseful atmosphere. It effectively conveys the psychological toll of the crimes and the detective's determination to solve the case.


                    Story Content

                    Concept: 8

                    The concept of exploring the emotional impact of the crimes on the detective and the victims' families is well-executed. The scene also introduces the killer's manipulation tactics, adding depth to the story.

                    Plot: 9

                    The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with the detective and her partner receiving new clues and facing the emotional consequences of the crimes. The tension and suspense are heightened.

                    Originality: 9

                    This scene demonstrates a fresh approach to the detective genre by focusing on the emotional journey of the protagonist and their desire to understand the victims. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


                    Character Development

                    Characters: 9

                    The characters are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed convincingly. The detective's determination and the victims' families' grief are palpable.

                    Character Changes: 8

                    The detective experiences a shift in her perspective, realizing the importance of understanding the victims. This realization drives her determination to catch the killer.

                    Internal Goal: 8

                    The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the victim, Elena, on a deeper level. This reflects their desire to empathize with the victims and gain insight into the mind of the killer.

                    External Goal: 7

                    The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to catch the killer. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and their determination to bring justice to the victims.


                    Scene Elements

                    Conflict Level: 9

                    The conflict between the detective and the victims' families is intense and emotionally charged. The detective's internal conflict and struggle to understand the victims adds another layer of conflict.

                    Opposition: 8

                    The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces challenges in understanding the victim and catching the killer. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome and the motivations of the antagonist.

                    High Stakes: 9

                    The stakes are high as the detective realizes the killer is targeting her and the emotional toll of the crimes becomes more apparent. The safety of the detective and the resolution of the case are at stake.

                    Story Forward: 9

                    The scene moves the story forward significantly, providing new clues and deepening the emotional stakes. It sets up the next phase of the investigation.

                    Unpredictability: 7

                    This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new elements, such as the candle-lit vigil and the discovery of the headphones, that add to the mystery and suspense of the story.

                    Philosophical Conflict: 9

                    The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between understanding the killer and understanding the victim. The protagonist believes that understanding the victim is just as important as understanding the killer, while the antagonist may not share the same belief.


                    Audience Engagement

                    Emotional Impact: 10

                    The scene evokes strong emotions, including anger, sadness, and determination. The grief of the victims' families and the detective's frustration are deeply felt.

                    Dialogue: 10

                    The dialogue is intense and impactful, revealing the characters' emotions and motivations. It effectively conveys the conflict between the detective and the victims' families.

                    Engagement: 9

                    This scene is engaging because it includes intense dialogue exchanges, emotional moments, and a sense of mystery and suspense. The reader is drawn into the characters' journey and their quest for justice.

                    Pacing: 8

                    The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by alternating between intense dialogue exchanges and moments of reflection. This creates a rhythm that keeps the reader engaged and invested in the story.


                    Technical Aspect

                    Formatting: 9

                    The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

                    Structure: 8

                    The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes dialogue exchanges, character actions, and scene descriptions in a logical sequence.


                    Critique
                    • The dialogue in this scene is strong and effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Reid and Jack. It explores the theme of understanding the killer and the victim, which adds depth to the characters and the story.
                    • However, the scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the suspense and create a stronger sense of atmosphere. The setting of Echo Park at night is a great choice, but there could be more description of the surroundings to immerse the reader in the scene.
                    • Additionally, the transition between the discussion between Reid and Jack and the candle-lit vigil feels abrupt and could be smoother. It would be helpful to have a clearer indication of the passage of time and the shift in location.
                    • The introduction of the Old Woman and Elena adds an intriguing layer to the scene, but their appearances could be more impactful. Their dialogue and interactions with Reid could be more intense and emotionally charged to heighten the tension.
                    • Finally, the discovery of the shoe box with Elena's headphones is a powerful moment, but it could be further emphasized. The description of the shattered headphones and the dried blood could be more visceral to evoke a stronger emotional response from the reader.
                    Suggestions
                    • Consider adding more visual details to the scene to enhance the atmosphere and create a stronger sense of place.
                    • Smooth out the transition between the discussion between Reid and Jack and the candle-lit vigil to make it feel more seamless.
                    • Amplify the intensity and emotional impact of the interactions between Reid, the Old Woman, and Elena to heighten the tension.
                    • Strengthen the description of the shoe box and Elena's headphones to evoke a stronger emotional response from the reader.



                    Scene 16 -  A Sinister Plan Unfolds
                    EXT. EL COMPADRE - NIGHT

                    Mexican restaurant on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. Been
                    here forever.

                    Crown Vic parked in front. Jack climbs out as we float in on
                    Reid, struggling, and we hear-

                    SALLY (VO)
                    You chose this job.

                    REID (VO)
                    Did I? Maybe I’m just drawn to it.

                    SALLY (VO)
                    Like a moth to the flame.

                    REID (VO)
                    Like a junkie to the fix.

                    SALLY (VO)
                    Must get lonely.

                    REID (VO)
                    You get used to it.

                    Except she hasn’t.

                    She climbs out. Slams the door closed.


                    INT. EL COMPADRE - NIGHT

                    Old school, family-owned Mexican restaurant, been here
                    forever. Simple perfection. Mostly regulars mixed with a few
                    tourists who stumbled in off the strip.

                    PATRICIA greets Reid and Jack at the door.

                    PATRICIA
                    Erin, welcome my friend!

                    She gives Reid a big hug. Reid puts her game face on.
                    58.


                    REID
                    Patricia.

                    PATRICIA
                    Your table awaits.

                    JACK
                    Come here often?

                    PATRICIA
                    Almost every shift for over twenty
                    years.

                    REID
                    Juan here?

                    PATRICIA
                    Where else? In the kitchen.

                    REID
                    (to Jack)
                    I’m gonna’ say hello real quick.

                    JACK
                    I’ll use the restroom.

                    REID
                    My table’s in the back.

                    She watches him go, cautious, then spins into the kitchen.


                    INT. EL COMPADRE/KITCHEN - NIGHT

                    It’s the dinner rush. Noisy. Chaotic. Reid finds Juan cooking
                    away.

                    REID
                    There he is!

                    JUAN
                    Erin, my friend, so good to see
                    you.

                    Juan wraps his arms around her. But he can tell that
                    something is off.

                    JUAN
                    Everything OK?

                    REID
                    I need a favor.

                    He can see this is a serious ask.
                    59.


                    JUAN
                    Whatever you need, you got it.


                    INT. EL COMPADRE/MEN’S ROOM - NIGHT

                    Jack enters the restroom. Makes sure no one else is there or
                    coming in behind him. Locks the door.

                    He steps into one of the stalls, closing the door behind him.

                    Gently lifts the top of the toilet’s water tank off and
                    places it on top of the seat.

                    Reaches in and pulls out a LARGE ZIP-LOC BAG. Holds it up so
                    we can see-

                    The RAZOR-KNIFE, LATEX GLOVES, BLACKJACK, and ZIP-TIES
                    inside.

                    He opens it. Pulls out the RAZOR as a thin-lipped smile
                    creeps across his face.
                    Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

                    Summary Reid and Jack visit El Compadre, an old school Mexican restaurant. Patricia warmly greets them while Reid goes to the kitchen to talk to Juan. Jack retrieves a bag from the restroom containing dangerous tools. He takes out a razor-knife and smiles ominously. The scene ends with Reid and Jack getting into a car, leaving their purpose unknown.
                    Strengths
                    • Building suspense
                    • Establishing dangerous situation
                    • Tense dialogue
                    Weaknesses

                      Ratings
                      Overall

                      Overall: 9

                      The scene effectively builds suspense and tension through its dialogue and actions, setting up a dangerous situation for the characters.


                      Story Content

                      Concept: 8

                      The concept of Reid seeking a favor from Juan adds intrigue and raises questions about what Reid is involved in.

                      Plot: 9

                      The plot progresses as Reid and Jack arrive at the restaurant and Reid seeks a favor from Juan, hinting at a dangerous situation.

                      Originality: 5

                      The level of originality in this scene is relatively low. The setting of a Mexican restaurant and the dialogue between the characters are familiar elements often seen in screenplays. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is average.


                      Character Development

                      Characters: 8

                      The characters are introduced and their relationships are established, with Reid showing determination and Jack displaying a mysterious side.

                      Character Changes: 7

                      Reid's determination and Jack's mysterious behavior hint at potential character changes and development in future scenes.

                      Internal Goal: 7

                      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Reid is trying to maintain a tough and composed demeanor despite feeling lonely and possibly conflicted about her job.

                      External Goal: 6

                      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to ask Juan, a person in the kitchen, for a favor. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges Reid is facing.


                      Scene Elements

                      Conflict Level: 9

                      The conflict is established through the dialogue and the presence of the weapons in Jack's possession, indicating a potentially violent situation.

                      Opposition: 7

                      The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is no direct conflict, the protagonist's internal struggles and the potential favor she needs to ask create a sense of opposition and uncertainty.

                      High Stakes: 10

                      The presence of weapons and the secretive behavior of the characters indicate high stakes and potential danger.

                      Story Forward: 9

                      The scene moves the story forward by introducing a potential dangerous situation and raising questions about the characters' motivations.

                      Unpredictability: 7

                      This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a zip-loc bag with potentially dangerous items in a seemingly ordinary restaurant setting. The audience is left wondering about the purpose of these items and how they will be used.

                      Philosophical Conflict: 0

                      There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                      Audience Engagement

                      Emotional Impact: 8

                      The scene creates tension and suspense, evoking emotions of anticipation and unease in the audience.

                      Dialogue: 9

                      The dialogue is tense and reveals information about the characters' motivations and the potential danger they are involved in.

                      Engagement: 8

                      This scene is engaging because it introduces a sense of mystery and intrigue through the characters' dialogue and actions. The audience is left wondering about the protagonist's favor and the contents of the zip-loc bag.

                      Pacing: 8

                      The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension through the characters' dialogue and actions. The scene moves at a steady pace, keeping the audience engaged.


                      Technical Aspect

                      Formatting: 9

                      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

                      Structure: 8

                      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an exterior shot, transitions to an interior shot, and includes dialogue and character actions.


                      Critique
                      • The scene starts with a voiceover conversation between Reid and Sally, which feels disconnected from the rest of the scene. It's unclear who Sally is and why her conversation with Reid is important.
                      • The transition from the exterior shot of the Crown Vic to the interior of the restaurant is abrupt and could be smoother.
                      • The dialogue between Patricia, Reid, and Jack feels a bit generic and lacks depth. It doesn't reveal much about the characters or advance the plot.
                      • The interaction between Reid and Juan in the kitchen is brief and doesn't provide enough context for the favor Reid is asking. It feels rushed and underdeveloped.
                      • The scene with Jack in the restroom is quite graphic and disturbing, which may not be necessary for the story. It could be toned down or approached in a more subtle way.
                      Suggestions
                      • Consider revising or removing the voiceover conversation between Reid and Sally to make it more relevant and connected to the scene.
                      • Smooth out the transition between the exterior and interior shots to create a more seamless flow.
                      • Add more depth and specificity to the dialogue between Patricia, Reid, and Jack. Use their conversation to reveal character traits or advance the plot.
                      • Expand the interaction between Reid and Juan in the kitchen to provide more context and build their relationship.
                      • Consider toning down the graphic nature of the scene with Jack in the restroom or finding a more subtle way to convey his intentions.



                      Scene 17 -  A Tense Encounter
                      INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT

                      Jack saunters across the dining room, confident, pleased,
                      coming to terms with what he’s about to do.

                      A little smile. If Reid only knew what was coming.

                      But as he reaches the back dining room he finds-

                      A WOMAN SITTING NEXT TO REID, off by themselves at a table in
                      the back room of the restaurant.

                      It throws Jack off a bit. He reassesses.

                      Patricia brings enchiladas and bottled Mexican Coke.

                      JANE, 30s, looks a little nervous, uncomfortable.

                      JANE
                      Still with the enchiladas I see.

                      REID
                      Why mess with-

                      REID/JANE
                      -perfection.

                      They share a laugh as Jack approaches, his curiosity peaked.
                      60.


                      REID
                      This is Jack, the reporter I was
                      telling you about. This is Jane, an
                      old friend of mine.

                      Jack takes her in. Something about her is familiar.

                      JANE
                      Pleasure.

                      Flashes his patented boy next door smile.

                      JACK
                      Is all mine.

                      REID
                      I hope you don’t mind, I asked her
                      to join us.

                      JACK
                      Not at all.

                      REID
                      And I ordered us enchiladas.
                      They’re famous for them.

                      Jack slips into the seat across from Jane.

                      JACK
                      Who doesn’t love a good enchilada.

                      JANE
                      The same meal, every time, for over
                      twenty years.

                      REID
                      What? Heads of fortune five hundred
                      companies wear the same outfit
                      every day-

                      JANE
                      She does that too.

                      Jack takes a slow sip from his Coke.

                      JACK
                      So, how do you two know each other?

                      Teasing him.

                      REID
                      She’s the one.
                      61.


                      JACK
                      The one?

                      REID
                      The one that got away. SK’s only
                      surviving victim.

                      That gets Jack’s attention.

                      JACK
                      Jane Doe.

                      REID
                      Her real name stays out of it,
                      along with anything that could
                      identify her.

                      He doesn’t take his eyes off Jane.

                      JACK
                      Of course.

                      REID
                      If she says stop-

                      JACK
                      We stop. Done.

                      Jack places his phone on the table in front of Jane. Hits
                      record. Leans in, fixated.

                      JACK
                      Tell me what happened. In your own
                      words.

                      She hesitates, looks to Reid. Reid takes her hand.

                      REID
                      It’s OK if you’re not ready.

                      JANE
                      No, I’m good.

                      She takes a deep breath, steels herself. She has a toughness
                      Reid likes.

                      JANE
                      I was a dancer at Crazy Girls when
                      I first moved here. He came in
                      alone, tipped well. Lot of cash.
                      Couple of lap-dances later he wants
                      to take me for a ride and then
                      he’ll take me home.
                      62.


                      JACK
                      He paid you.

                      JANE
                      A lot. So, I went. Drove down
                      sunset with the top down. Warm
                      summer night. Porsche -- rental. We
                      drive up Laurel Canyon and he’s
                      pointing out where famous people
                      lived, Jack Nicholson, the Beach
                      Boys, Houdini, Janis Joplin, George
                      Clooney, like I care about who USED
                      to live there - except for Clooney,
                      he’s hot. But then he just keeps
                      driving, turns up Mulholland to-

                      JACK
                      The park.

                      She eases into her story, drifting back, gently purging the
                      memories.

                      JANE
                      Yeah. Said he wanted to show me the
                      view. Park closes after sunset, so
                      it was just us, and the fucking
                      view. You could see all of LA,
                      lights shimmering, and it felt...
                      magical, until he bashed my head
                      in. Shoved me into the bushes. Tied
                      my hands behind my back with those
                      little plastic-

                      ON JACK, reliving the moment. The proud author hearing his
                      words out loud for the first time. A fond memory.

                      JACK
                      Zip Ties-

                      JANE
                      Tied my feet. Ripped my shirt down
                      the back, and pulled out this razor
                      knife, like the ones men used to
                      shave with a hundred fucking years
                      ago. Made me watch the city lights
                      dancing off the blade as he slowly
                      twisted it in his fingers. Then he
                      cut off my bra and made it into a
                      noose. Calm, like this was
                      something he did every day. I was
                      frozen. Terrified. He wrapped the
                      noose around my neck and yanked me
                      off the ground.
                      (MORE)
                      63.
                      JANE (CONT’D)
                      I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t
                      scream, I couldn’t fight, then I
                      blacked out.

                      Reid focuses on Jack, studying every twitch, eye movement,
                      his mouth, his hands, looking for something.

                      A sign. A tell.

                      JANE
                      I don’t know how long I was out,
                      but when I woke up he was still
                      there. Staring down at me with his
                      thin-lipped, fucked up smile,
                      waiting, but I made that fucker
                      pay. I got my hands loose, so when
                      he leaned in to grab the noose
                      again, I slammed my palm right into
                      his fucking nose, CRACK. Grab the
                      razor and slashed it across his
                      forearm. I kick him off me, cut the
                      ties and run as fast as I can down
                      Laurel Canyon to the first house I
                      find. I start banging on the door,
                      lights come on, door opens, and
                      it’s George fucking Clooney.

                      JACK
                      Really?

                      And she’s back with us. Forces a smile.

                      JANE
                      No. I just like happy endings. I
                      know they haven’t caught him yet,
                      but they will.

                      JACK
                      What makes you so sure?

                      JANE
                      Because weak, narcissistic assholes
                      like him can’t help themselves. His
                      never ending need to overcome his
                      feelings of worthlessness and self-
                      loathing will get the better of
                      him. Always does. And karma never
                      heard of time.

                      Jack tightens, didn’t like that.

                      He slowly pulls out the RAZOR-KNIFE. Keeps it hidden under
                      the table.
                      64.


                      JACK
                      You remember so much, but you
                      couldn’t ID him.

                      REID
                      It’s common for victims to only
                      remember the things that were vital
                      to them at the time. Not
                      necessarily what we would consider
                      important clues. They were just
                      trying to survive. Soldiers call it
                      tunnel-vision.

                      Looks right at Jack.

                      REID
                      Cops too. But that doesn’t mean
                      those other details aren’t there,
                      ready to come to the surface.

                      JACK
                      So, she could still remember?

                      REID
                      Under the right circumstances.

                      Jack gently clicks the blade open. Rolls it in his fingers
                      under the table.

                      He stares off, uneasy, lost in thought.

                      Reid notices. Plays with him.

                      REID
                      You OK?

                      Jack snaps out of it. Covers.

                      JACK
                      Sorry, it’s a lot different hearing
                      it from one of his victims.

                      REID
                      Not just names and numbers anymore.

                      Reid reaches across the table. Did she see Jack’s knife?

                      REID
                      I think we’re done here.

                      Jack snatches the phone before Reid can grab it, bumping
                      Reid’s hand which-

                      Knocks Jack’s Coke bottle over, spilling coke everywhere.
                      65.


                      REID
                      Jesus, I was just turning it off.

                      JACK
                      Sorry. Habit.

                      Juan runs out from the kitchen.

                      Jack scrambles to hide the razor-knife.

                      REID
                      Mis disculpas, my fault.

                      JUAN
                      No problem my friend.

                      Juan picks up the bottle.

                      Does he see the razor knife?

                      JUAN
                      I’ll get you another one.

                      Jack’s not sure what Juan saw. Stays cool, in character.

                      JACK
                      Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.

                      A BUSBOY arrives with a mop. Jane gets up.

                      JANE
                      I should get going. Late shift at
                      the hospital. Nice meeting you.

                      Jane holds out her hand to Jack.

                      He takes it, and as he shakes her hand-

                      His right forearm pokes out from the rolled-up cuff of his
                      sleeve, revealing-

                      JANE’S POV

                      Of the ELABORATE SLEEVE TATTOO on Jack’s right forearm with a
                      large rose running up the middle.

                      Then she notices that the stem of the rose covers up-

                      A LONG SCAR.
                      Genres: ["Thriller","Crime"]

                      Summary Jack, confident and pleased, meets Jane, a survivor of his attacks, in a restaurant's dining room. Over a meal, Jane recounts her terrifying experience of being attacked by a serial killer. Jack reveals a hidden razor-knife, and Jane notices a tattoo on his forearm that covers a scar. The scene ends with Jane leaving for her late shift at the hospital, leaving the unresolved tension between them.
                      Strengths
                      • Emotional impact
                      • Engaging dialogue
                      • Character development
                      Weaknesses
                      • Lack of visual description

                      Ratings
                      Overall

                      Overall: 9

                      The scene is highly engaging and emotionally impactful, providing important information about the plot and characters.


                      Story Content

                      Concept: 8

                      The concept of a survivor sharing her story and the reporter's interest in uncovering the truth is intriguing.

                      Plot: 9

                      The plot progresses significantly as the survivor recounts her experience and the reporter becomes more invested in the case.

                      Originality: 6

                      The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of interviewing a victim and discussing a crime is a familiar one, the specific details and dialogue provide a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


                      Character Development

                      Characters: 9

                      The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal their personalities and motivations.

                      Character Changes: 8

                      The survivor shows resilience and determination, while the reporter becomes more invested in the case.

                      Internal Goal: 8

                      The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth about Jane's experience as a victim and potentially gather evidence against the perpetrator. This reflects his deeper need for justice and his desire to expose the truth.

                      External Goal: 7

                      The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to conduct an interview with Jane and gather information about her experience as a victim. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his investigation into the serial killer.


                      Scene Elements

                      Conflict Level: 8

                      There is tension between the survivor, the reporter, and the unknown perpetrator, creating conflict and suspense.

                      Opposition: 8

                      The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with the challenge of conducting an interview with a victim who may have valuable information. The audience is unsure of how the conversation will unfold and what obstacles may arise.

                      High Stakes: 9

                      The survivor's safety and the pursuit of justice are at stake, creating high stakes.

                      Story Forward: 9

                      The scene provides crucial information and moves the story forward by deepening the investigation.

                      Unpredictability: 7

                      This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a new character and reveals unexpected details about her past. The audience is left wondering how this information will impact the protagonist's investigation.

                      Philosophical Conflict: 0

                      There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                      Audience Engagement

                      Emotional Impact: 10

                      The survivor's harrowing story evokes strong emotions and empathy from the audience.

                      Dialogue: 8

                      The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships.

                      Engagement: 9

                      This scene is engaging because it introduces a new character with a mysterious past and raises questions about the protagonist's investigation. The dialogue is compelling and reveals important information about the plot.

                      Pacing: 9

                      The pacing of this scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the reader's interest. The dialogue and action are well-balanced, and the scene flows smoothly from one beat to the next.


                      Technical Aspect

                      Formatting: 9

                      The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, action lines, and dialogue in the correct format. The scene is well-paced and easy to read.

                      Structure: 8

                      The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and introduces the characters and their goals through dialogue. The scene progresses with a clear beginning, middle, and end.


                      Critique
                      • The scene starts with Jack sauntering across the dining room, confident and pleased, but it is not clear what he is pleased about or what he is about to do. This lack of clarity creates confusion for the reader.
                      • The introduction of Jane sitting next to Reid is sudden and unexpected, which throws Jack off. However, it is not clear why this throws him off or what significance Jane has in relation to Jack's plans.
                      • The dialogue between Reid, Jane, and Jack lacks depth and complexity. It feels superficial and does not fully explore the tension and dynamics between the characters.
                      • The scene lacks visual elements and actions, which makes it feel static and unengaging.
                      • The reveal of Jack's hidden razor-knife and Jane noticing the tattoo on his forearm is predictable and lacks subtlety.
                      • The scene ends abruptly with Jane leaving for her late shift at the hospital, leaving the reader with a sense of unresolved tension and no clear direction for the next scene.
                      Suggestions
                      • Clarify Jack's intentions and what he is pleased about at the beginning of the scene to create a sense of anticipation and intrigue.
                      • Provide more context and explanation for why Jane's presence throws Jack off and what significance she has in relation to his plans.
                      • Deepen the dialogue between Reid, Jane, and Jack to explore their motivations, fears, and conflicts more fully. This will add depth and complexity to the scene.
                      • Include more visual elements and actions to make the scene more dynamic and engaging. This could include gestures, facial expressions, and physical movements that reveal the characters' emotions and intentions.
                      • Find a more subtle and nuanced way to reveal Jack's hidden razor-knife and Jane noticing the tattoo on his forearm. This will create a sense of tension and unease without being too obvious.
                      • Provide a clearer resolution or direction at the end of the scene to give the reader a sense of closure and anticipation for the next scene.



                      Scene 18 -  Confronting the Past
                      EXT. LAUREL CANYON PARK - NIGHT (TEN YEARS AGO)

                      A QUICK FLASHBACK to the night of the attack.
                      66.


                      Jane slashes the RAZOR-BLADE across the killer’s right
                      forearm.


                      INT. EL COMPADRE - NIGHT

                      Jane pulls her hand away, startled.

                      Reid notices. But did Jack?

                      JACK
                      If I have any follow-up questions
                      I’ll-

                      REID
                      - Go through me.
                      (to Jane)
                      I’ll walk you out.
                      (to Jack)
                      You get the check.

                      Jack watches them leave as his whole demeanor changes.
                      Something dies behind his eyes.

                      JACK
                      My pleasure.


                      EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT

                      Reid walks Jane (her real name is Ana) to her car.

                      JANE/ANA
                      Is that him?

                      Reid’s gut was right.

                      REID
                      Maybe.

                      This might be more of a trigger than Ana was expecting. A
                      little panic attack building.

                      ANA
                      Is that what this whole night is
                      about? You saw the scar.

                      Reid notices. Places her hand on Ana’s shoulder. Comforting.

                      REID
                      I have to be sure this time. DNA
                      won’t be enough, labs make
                      mistakes. I made mistakes. I need
                      him to confess, or I need him dead.
                      67.


                      ANA
                      Dead works for me.

                      Maybe it works for Reid too.

                      REID
                      I want you to go someplace safe
                      until this plays out. You can go to
                      the station-

                      Getting her mojo back. Defiant.

                      ANA
                      No. I went through therapy, fought
                      through depression, acting out,
                      suicidal thoughts, but I got my
                      GED, got my PhD in Psychology and a
                      great job at UCLA Medical. My life
                      is good because I refused to let it
                      be anything less. He didn’t destroy
                      me that night, he made me. I beat
                      him once, and I’ll keep beating
                      him. MY WAY. I’m not going to run
                      off and hide. Fuck him.

                      REID
                      I’m gonna’ get him. I promise.

                      ANA
                      I know you are. I’ve always known
                      it. You’re the reason I keep going.

                      REID
                      And Karma never heard of time.

                      ANA
                      It just needs a champion once in a
                      while.

                      Reid smiles. She needed to hear that.


                      EXT. EL COMPADRE - NIGHT

                      Jack waits by the car as Reid returns. He’s fidgety,
                      agitated, fighting it so it doesn’t show.

                      REID
                      You good?

                      JACK
                      Perfect.
                      68.


                      REID
                      Sure?

                      JACK
                      I owe you one.

                      Reid smiles. If Jack only knew what was coming.

                      REID
                      Oh, you’re gonna’ pay, don’t worry
                      about that.

                      CLICK, CLICK, CLICK, more pictures being taken of them from
                      across the street as they get into the car.


                      EXT. ALLEY BEHIND EL COMPADRE - NIGHT

                      Juan, anxious, waiting as a SQUAD CAR pulls up.

                      The OFFICER in the passenger seat flashes his badge.

                      OFFICER
                      Juan Castillo? You have something
                      for us from Detective Reid?

                      Juan
                      Yes sir.

                      He hands them a large zip-lock baggie with JACK’S COKE BOTTLE
                      in it.

                      JUAN
                      Good luck.

                      OFFICER
                      Have a great night.

                      They speed off.
                      Genres: ["Thriller","Crime"]

                      Summary Reid walks Jane (Ana) to her car in Laurel Canyon Park and they discuss the possibility of the man they saw being her attacker. Ana expresses her determination to face him and not run away, while Reid promises to catch him. Meanwhile, Jack waits by the car and Reid hands over evidence to a squad car. Pictures are taken of them from across the street. The scene ends with Reid handing over evidence to a squad car and Jack thanking him.
                      Strengths
                      • Intense dialogue
                      • Strong character development
                      • Emotional depth
                      Weaknesses

                        Ratings
                        Overall

                        Overall: 9

                        The scene effectively builds tension and showcases the emotional depth of the characters. The dialogue is impactful and the conflict is palpable, creating a compelling narrative.


                        Story Content

                        Concept: 8

                        The concept of seeking justice for a past trauma is engaging and relatable. The scene effectively conveys the protagonist's motivation and sets up the central conflict.

                        Plot: 9

                        The plot progresses significantly in this scene as the protagonist and her ally strategize and make plans to confront the antagonist. The stakes are raised, and the tension is heightened.

                        Originality: 6

                        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the overall premise of seeking justice for a traumatic event is not entirely unique, the specific details and character dynamics bring freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


                        Character Development

                        Characters: 9

                        The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly conveyed. The protagonist's determination and resilience are inspiring, while the antagonist's presence creates a sense of impending danger.

                        Character Changes: 8

                        The protagonist undergoes a significant change in this scene, from initially feeling startled and uncertain to reclaiming her power and determination. This change sets up her arc for the rest of the story.

                        Internal Goal: 8

                        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to seek justice and closure for a traumatic event that happened in the past. This reflects their deeper need for healing, their fear of the perpetrator escaping punishment, and their desire for personal growth and empowerment.

                        External Goal: 7

                        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather evidence against the killer and ensure their capture or confession. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the investigation and the challenge of proving the killer's guilt.


                        Scene Elements

                        Conflict Level: 9

                        The conflict between the protagonist and the antagonist is intense and drives the scene forward. The internal conflict within the protagonist adds another layer of tension.

                        Opposition: 7

                        The opposition in this scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty. The protagonist faces the challenge of gathering evidence and confronting the killer, which adds obstacles to their goals. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

                        High Stakes: 9

                        The stakes are high in this scene as the protagonist confronts her attacker and seeks justice. The potential danger and the emotional impact of the confrontation add to the intensity.

                        Story Forward: 9

                        The scene moves the story forward by establishing the protagonist's plan to confront her attacker and setting up the next phase of the narrative. It raises the stakes and increases the tension.

                        Unpredictability: 7

                        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information and raises questions about the characters' motivations and future actions. The audience is left wondering how the protagonist will achieve their goals and what obstacles they will face.

                        Philosophical Conflict: 0

                        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                        Audience Engagement

                        Emotional Impact: 10

                        The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly empowerment and defiance. The audience is invested in the protagonist's journey and feels the weight of her past trauma.

                        Dialogue: 10

                        The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the characters' personalities and motivations. It effectively conveys the emotional intensity of the scene and adds depth to the relationships between the characters.

                        Engagement: 9

                        This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation and explores the characters' emotions and motivations. The dialogue is intense and impactful, keeping the audience invested in the story and the characters' journey.

                        Pacing: 8

                        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and balancing dialogue with action. The scene moves at a pace that keeps the audience engaged and allows for emotional moments to resonate.


                        Technical Aspect

                        Formatting: 9

                        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting is clear and easy to follow.

                        Structure: 8

                        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves between different locations, focusing on the characters' interactions and dialogue. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end.


                        Critique
                        • The transition from the flashback to the present is abrupt and could be smoother. Consider adding a visual cue or a line of dialogue to indicate the shift in time.
                        • The dialogue between Jack and Reid feels a bit stilted and could benefit from more natural and nuanced language.
                        • The moment when something dies behind Jack's eyes is not fully explored or explained. It would be helpful to provide more context or insight into his emotional state.
                        • The conversation between Reid and Ana about going someplace safe and her determination to face her attacker feels rushed and could use more depth and emotional resonance.
                        • The dialogue between Reid and Jack at the end of the scene lacks tension and could be more impactful.
                        • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and actions to enhance the atmosphere and engage the reader.
                        • The transition between locations could be smoother and more seamless.
                        • The ending of the scene with the squad car pulling up feels abrupt and could use a stronger sense of closure or anticipation for the next scene.
                        Suggestions
                        • Consider adding a visual cue or a line of dialogue to indicate the shift from the flashback to the present.
                        • Work on making the dialogue between Jack and Reid more natural and nuanced, reflecting their unique voices and personalities.
                        • Provide more context or insight into Jack's emotional state when something dies behind his eyes.
                        • Expand on the conversation between Reid and Ana, delving deeper into her determination and the emotional impact of facing her attacker.
                        • Revise the dialogue between Reid and Jack at the end of the scene to increase tension and impact.
                        • Add more visual descriptions and actions to enhance the atmosphere and engage the reader.
                        • Smooth out the transitions between locations to create a more seamless flow.
                        • Consider adding a stronger sense of closure or anticipation at the end of the scene to lead into the next scene.



                        Scene 19 -  Tense Confrontation and Blame
                        INT. CROWN VIC (MOVING) - NIGHT

                        Reid stares off into the darkness ahead, hands pressed tight
                        against the wheel, troubled.

                        They ride in silence as the Crown Vic trolls Sunset, warm
                        neon light reflecting off the windows, then-

                        JACK
                        So, this one’s personal?

                        She can’t look at him.
                        69.


                        REID
                        They all are. There’s a part of
                        each one that never leaves you.

                        JACK
                        But some more than others.

                        That lands.

                        REID
                        Some more than others...

                        Reid’s phone rings. She answers.

                        REID
                        Alex, tell me something good.

                        ALEX
                        (over phone)
                        Documents says the handwriting
                        matches earlier SK letters.

                        REID
                        So it is him.

                        ALEX
                        It’s the same author, we still
                        don’t know if the author is
                        actually the killer, but here’s the
                        better news. He wore latex gloves
                        while he was putting the package
                        together. No prints on the package,
                        no prints on the letter sent to
                        Jack or the one sent to you.

                        REID
                        How is that better?

                        ALEX
                        Because he screwed up. He pulled
                        the zip ties tight with his teeth.
                        We got his DNA. If it matches with
                        the DNA SK left behind ten years
                        ago, we’ll know it’s him. Maybe
                        we’ll get lucky and he’s ended up
                        in the database since then.

                        REID
                        Nice work. Let me know what you
                        find out.

                        She hangs up.
                        70.


                        REID
                        They matched the letters we got
                        today with the original letters SK
                        sent ten years ago.

                        JACK
                        So he is back.

                        REID
                        At least whoever wrote the letters
                        is.

                        JACK
                        The night that Jane Doe escaped
                        from SK and Derek Collins was
                        arrested for a DUI in Hollywood, it
                        was Garrett who delivered the blood
                        samples to the lab, right?

                        REID
                        SK’s sample from the crime scene,
                        yeah.

                        Trying to get to her.

                        JACK
                        Wonder what happened? I mean with
                        the mix-up and all.

                        She’s had enough.

                        REID
                        Listen-

                        But then another text comes in from SK. Jack reads it.

                        JACK
                        “You might want to check in on your
                        partner. He’s been looking a little
                        down lately.”

                        SHIT. She hits the lights. Grips the wheel. Punches it.

                        CUT TO:


                        EXT. GARRETT’S HOUSE - NIGHT

                        The CROWN VIC, lights flashing, screeches to the curb out
                        front.

                        Reid leaps out. Races to the front door.

                        Lights are on inside.
                        71.


                        Tries the buzzer. Doesn’t work.

                        REID
                        Mitch!

                        Bangs on the door with her fist.

                        IT PUSHES OPEN and immediately-

                        The wretched smell overwhelms them. Jack covers his mouth and
                        nose with his hand.

                        JACK
                        Jesus...

                        Reid charges through the house.

                        WE MOVE with her down the hallway. Frantic.

                        REID
                        Mitch. MITCH!

                        He’s not in the living room. He’s not in the kitchen. He’s
                        not in the bedroom.

                        Reid races into the home office at the end of the hall, lined
                        with awards and framed clippings from a distinguished career.

                        ALL SPLATTERED WITH DRIED BLOOD.

                        She finds Mitch slumped in a chair behind the desk, his neck
                        cracked back, face blown off from the gunshot.

                        Still wearing the same sweats and Pink’s Hot Dogs T-shirt
                        from this morning.

                        Gun clenched in his right hand on his lap.

                        His KIDS and EX-WIFE smiling back at him from the framed
                        photo sitting on his desk.

                        A simple hand-written note next to it.

                        “I’M SORRY”.

                        OLD FILES of SK’s victims scattered on the desk and floor.

                        She notices the cup of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee she brought
                        Garrett on his desk. Opens it. He barely touched it.

                        Reid takes it all in, maybe she doesn’t want to believe what
                        she’s seeing.

                        Her mind races. Heart pounds.
                        72.


                        All that pain, all that anger, rushing to the surface as she-

                        EXPLODES towards Jack, slamming him against the wall.

                        REID
                        You did this! With your bullshit
                        version of the truth. You put all
                        the blame on us, and you destroyed
                        him. For what? A Pulitzer?

                        JACK
                        I didn’t pull the trigger.

                        Stares right through him.

                        REID
                        You might as well have.

                        Jack looks uneasy. Breaks her stare. Doesn’t say a thing.
                        Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller"]

                        Summary Reid and Jack ride in silence in the Crown Vic, discussing the personal nature of their cases. Reid receives a call from Alex with good news about the SK case. They arrive at Garrett's house and find him dead with a gunshot wound. Reid blames Jack for his death and confronts him.
                        Strengths
                        • Intense emotional impact
                        • Revelation of a major plot twist
                        • Strong conflict and tension
                        Weaknesses
                        • Limited character development for other supporting characters

                        Ratings
                        Overall

                        Overall: 9

                        The scene is highly impactful and intense, with a major revelation and emotional outburst.


                        Story Content

                        Concept: 8

                        The concept of a personal connection to the case and the discovery of a potential suspect adds depth and intrigue to the story.

                        Plot: 9

                        The plot takes a significant turn with the discovery of the murder and the implication of another character.

                        Originality: 6

                        This scene has a moderate level of originality. While it follows the conventions of a crime/mystery genre, it introduces fresh elements such as the use of DNA evidence and the protagonist's personal connection to the case. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to their motivations.


                        Character Development

                        Characters: 9

                        The characters' emotions and reactions are well-portrayed, especially Reid's anger and grief.

                        Character Changes: 9

                        Reid undergoes a significant change, unleashing her pent-up emotions and blaming Jack for the tragedy.

                        Internal Goal: 8

                        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find out more information about the killer and potentially catch them. This reflects their deeper need for justice and closure, as well as their fear of the killer continuing to harm others.

                        External Goal: 7

                        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate the murder of their partner, Mitch. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing, as well as their desire to find the killer and seek revenge.


                        Scene Elements

                        Conflict Level: 9

                        The conflict between Reid and Jack escalates, leading to a physical confrontation.

                        Opposition: 8

                        The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist confronts Jack and blames him for their partner's death. The audience is left unsure of Jack's innocence or guilt.

                        High Stakes: 10

                        The stakes are raised with the murder of a key character and the implication of another.

                        Story Forward: 10

                        The scene reveals crucial information, deepens the mystery, and propels the story forward.

                        Unpredictability: 7

                        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information about the killer and presents a shocking twist with the murder of the protagonist's partner. The audience is left uncertain about what will happen next.

                        Philosophical Conflict: 7

                        There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene, as the protagonist blames the other character, Jack, for their partner's death. This challenges their beliefs and values, as they question the truth and the consequences of Jack's actions.


                        Audience Engagement

                        Emotional Impact: 10

                        The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly grief, anger, and shock.

                        Dialogue: 8

                        The dialogue is concise and impactful, conveying important information and emotional intensity.

                        Engagement: 9

                        This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation and raises questions about the killer's identity. The dialogue and actions of the characters keep the audience invested in the story.

                        Pacing: 9

                        The pacing of this scene is effective in building suspense and maintaining the audience's interest. It moves at a fast pace, reflecting the urgency of the situation.


                        Technical Aspect

                        Formatting: 9

                        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It is well-presented and easy to follow.

                        Structure: 8

                        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. It effectively builds tension and suspense.


                        Critique
                        • The scene starts with Reid staring off into the darkness, troubled. This could be a good opportunity to show her internal conflict and build tension, but it's not clear what specifically is troubling her.
                        • The dialogue between Reid and Jack about the personal nature of their cases feels a bit generic and lacks depth. It would be more engaging if they discussed specific details or shared personal anecdotes.
                        • The phone call with Alex provides important information about the case, but the conversation feels a bit exposition-heavy. It could benefit from more natural and concise dialogue.
                        • The transition from the phone call to Reid and Jack discussing the letters and Garrett's involvement feels abrupt and could be smoother.
                        • The discovery of Garrett's dead body is a pivotal moment in the scene, but the description of the scene lacks emotional impact. It would be more effective to show Reid's reaction and visceral response to the gruesome sight.
                        • Reid's accusation towards Jack for Garrett's death feels somewhat forced and melodramatic. It would be more powerful if her anger and grief were conveyed through her actions and dialogue in a more nuanced way.
                        • The scene ends with Jack's uneasy reaction, but it's not clear what his internal thoughts or motivations are in this moment.
                        Suggestions
                        • Start the scene with a clear indication of what is troubling Reid, whether it's a specific thought or memory related to the case.
                        • Add more depth and specificity to the dialogue between Reid and Jack, allowing them to share personal stories or discuss specific details of their cases.
                        • Revise the phone call with Alex to make the dialogue more natural and concise, focusing on the most important information.
                        • Smoothly transition from the phone call to the discussion about the letters and Garrett's involvement, ensuring a logical flow of conversation.
                        • Enhance the description of the discovery of Garrett's dead body to create a more visceral and emotionally impactful moment.
                        • Refine Reid's accusation towards Jack to make it more nuanced and grounded in her emotions, avoiding melodrama.
                        • Provide more insight into Jack's internal thoughts and motivations in his uneasy reaction at the end of the scene.



                        Scene 20 -  Determined to Catch the Killer
                        EXT. GARRETT'S - NIGHT

                        Later. Squad cars and ambulance out front.

                        Reid talking with Malloy. Reid is shaken, doggedly holding
                        onto herself.

                        MALLOY
                        I can’t let you have this one-

                        She clocks Jack over at the Crown Vic. Doesn’t want him to
                        hear their conversation.

                        REID
                        I know-

                        MALLOY
                        And I don’t want to find out that
                        you’ve been sniffing around either.

                        REID
                        Got it. Seems pretty straight
                        forward anyway.

                        MALLOY
                        I’ll put Graham on it.

                        She fights a little laugh.

                        REID
                        Mitch would hate that but thank
                        you.
                        73.


                        WITH JACK, watching them. What are they talking about?

                        BACK WITH MALLOY, studying Reid, worried.

                        MALLOY
                        You want to pull the plug on this
                        thing?

                        She’s close to the edge, but-

                        REID
                        I can’t, and believe me I just want
                        it all to stop, but he wants to
                        crush me and watch me break, and I
                        refuse to give him that
                        satisfaction.

                        He knows he isn’t going to win this one.

                        MALLOY
                        Stay close. You’re not alone on
                        this.

                        REID
                        I’ll keep you updated.

                        MALLOY
                        We’ll do the same, just do me a
                        favor.

                        REID
                        What’s that?

                        MALLOY
                        Get this fucker.

                        REID
                        That’s the plan.

                        As she walks away-

                        REID
                        He’s left-handed.

                        MALLOY
                        Who?

                        REID
                        Garrett. We found the gun in his
                        right hand, but he’s left-handed.

                        MALLOY
                        You think-
                        74.


                        REID
                        Yes. Just let Graham know.

                        WITH JACK, standing next to the Crown Vic-

                        Sees Reid approaching.

                        Eyes the RACKED SHOTGUN in the front seat.

                        Thinks about grabbing it, ending this, but then he realizes-

                        It’s locked.

                        Reid reaches him. He shifts gears.

                        JACK
                        Look, I’m sorry about what I said,
                        and I understand if you don’t want
                        to-

                        Another text from SK. Jack reads it.

                        JACK
                        “Sorry about your partner. He was
                        so... troubled. But the show must
                        go on. Westwood. Dessie’s blood is
                        on your hands.”

                        Something changes behind Reid’s eyes. Ruthless determination-

                        REID
                        We finish this.


                        EXT. WESTWOOD VILLAGE - NIGHT

                        A busy night. College students moving along the bars blaring
                        live music. The Crown Vic rolls through.


                        INT. CROWN VIC (MOVING) - NIGHT

                        Close on Reid, her thoughts drifting.

                        SALLY (VO)
                        Why the obsession with this case?
                        Why SK?

                        REID (VO)
                        He’s a horrible person who harms
                        women.

                        SALLY (VO)
                        Lot of them out there.
                        75.


                        REID (VO)
                        Not a lot that I can do something
                        about.

                        SALLY (VO)
                        I worry it’s more about you than
                        him.

                        Defiant.

                        REID (VO)
                        It’s about them. His victims.

                        Gently.

                        SALLY (VO)
                        You sure about that?

                        Maybe she isn’t.
                        Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

                        Summary Reid discusses the case with Malloy and decides to let Graham handle it. Meanwhile, Jack receives a threatening text from SK. Reid and Jack head to Westwood Village together, fueled by Reid's determination to catch the killer and protect herself.
                        Strengths
                        • Tense dialogue
                        • Revelation of crucial clue
                        • Emotional conflict
                        Weaknesses
                        • Limited exploration of theme

                        Ratings
                        Overall

                        Overall: 9

                        The scene effectively builds tension and reveals important information, keeping the audience engaged. The dialogue is impactful and the emotional conflict adds depth to the characters.


                        Story Content

                        Concept: 8

                        The concept of a detective pursuing a dangerous criminal is well-executed, with the added element of the protagonist's personal stake in the case.

                        Plot: 9

                        The plot progresses as the protagonist receives a crucial clue and makes a decision to continue pursuing the antagonist. The stakes are raised, and the tension is heightened.

                        Originality: 6

                        The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of detectives discussing a case is familiar, the specific details and character dynamics add freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


                        Character Development

                        Characters: 9

                        The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed. The conflict between Reid and Malloy adds depth to their relationship.

                        Character Changes: 8

                        Reid's character undergoes a change as she becomes more determined and resolute in her pursuit of the antagonist.

                        Internal Goal: 8

                        The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain her composure and not let her emotions get the best of her. This reflects her need to stay strong and in control, despite the challenges she is facing.

                        External Goal: 7

                        The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to continue investigating the case and catch the criminal. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she is facing in her job as a detective.


                        Scene Elements

                        Conflict Level: 9

                        The conflict between Reid and Malloy, as well as the internal conflict faced by Reid, adds tension and drives the scene forward.

                        Opposition: 8

                        The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with challenges and obstacles in her investigation. The audience is unsure of how she will overcome them.

                        High Stakes: 9

                        The stakes are high as Reid is determined to catch the antagonist and prevent further harm to potential victims.

                        Story Forward: 9

                        The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information, raising the stakes, and setting up the next phase of the investigation.

                        Unpredictability: 7

                        This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information and raises questions about the characters' motivations and the direction of the story.

                        Philosophical Conflict: 0

                        There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                        Audience Engagement

                        Emotional Impact: 8

                        The emotional conflict faced by Reid and her determination to catch the antagonist evoke empathy and create emotional impact.

                        Dialogue: 10

                        The dialogue is impactful and reveals important information about the characters and the plot. It effectively conveys the tension and emotions of the scene.

                        Engagement: 9

                        This scene is engaging because it presents a tense conversation between the protagonist and another character, with hints of a larger mystery and conflict. The dialogue and character emotions keep the audience invested in the scene.

                        Pacing: 9

                        The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace and building tension through the dialogue and character actions.


                        Technical Aspect

                        Formatting: 9

                        The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

                        Structure: 8

                        The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, followed by dialogue and character actions.


                        Critique
                        • The scene lacks clear conflict and tension. There is no sense of urgency or stakes that drive the characters' actions.
                        • The dialogue feels generic and lacks depth. It doesn't reveal much about the characters' motivations or emotions.
                        • The scene lacks visual elements or actions that could enhance the tension and suspense.
                        • The transition between the conversation with Malloy and the interaction with Jack feels abrupt and disjointed.
                        • The text message from SK feels forced and contrived, serving only as a plot device to move the story forward.
                        • The inner monologue of Reid feels out of place and doesn't add much to the scene.
                        • The scene lacks a clear objective or goal for the characters, making it feel aimless and disconnected from the overall story.
                        Suggestions
                        • Introduce a clear conflict or obstacle that the characters need to overcome in this scene. This could be a disagreement between Reid and Malloy about the best course of action or a revelation that puts their plan in jeopardy.
                        • Revise the dialogue to make it more specific and revealing of the characters' emotions and motivations. Use subtext and conflict to create tension in the conversation.
                        • Add visual elements or actions that heighten the tension and suspense. For example, Jack could be fidgeting with the locked shotgun, creating a sense of danger and unpredictability.
                        • Smooth out the transition between the conversation with Malloy and the interaction with Jack. Consider adding a visual cue or a line of dialogue that connects the two scenes more seamlessly.
                        • Reconsider the use of the text message from SK. Find a more organic way to convey the information or create a sense of urgency.
                        • Reevaluate the use of Reid's inner monologue. Make sure it serves a purpose and adds depth to the scene.
                        • Establish a clear objective or goal for the characters in this scene. This could be Reid's determination to catch the killer or Jack's conflicted feelings about his involvement.



                        Scene 21 -  Tense Confrontation in the Alley
                        EXT. WESTWOOD VILLAGE/ALLEY - NIGHT

                        CLOSE ON the front page of The Los Angeles Times from ten
                        years ago.

                        HEADLINE “Sunset Killer strikes again after Detectives arrest
                        wrong man”

                        BYLINE by Jack Hedon

                        A hand reaches into frame. Tears the front page from the
                        alley wall.

                        WIDER

                        Reid throws it to the ground, but here’s the thing-

                        The entire wall is covered with them.

                        It’s getting to her. He’s getting to her.

                        That familiar twinge of guilt.

                        REID
                        Dessie was my fault. I Let my
                        emotions get in front of the facts
                        and I left him out there to kill
                        again. No one heard her screams
                        except him, knowing that just on
                        the other side of that wall were
                        hundreds of people who could have
                        saved her, but they didn’t know.
                        (MORE)
                        76.
                        REID (CONT’D)
                        They didn’t know because he was in
                        control. They didn’t know because
                        he looked normal. They didn’t know
                        because he was nice right up until
                        he wasn’t, and that was his
                        greatest weapon. But everyone has a
                        weakness.

                        JACK
                        And his is?

                        Pacing, adrenaline pumping.

                        REID
                        Ego. He has to be in control, the
                        center of attention, so when the
                        world shoved him aside for
                        something newer, it ate him up. So
                        he picks at the scabs that cover
                        our memories. Hey, remember me?
                        Remember what I did? But no one
                        gives a shit about him. It was
                        always about them. Chrissie, Jia,
                        Elena, Ana, and Dessie. Nobody even
                        knows his name.

                        JACK
                        But they want to.

                        Pokes at him.

                        REID
                        But it’s not the same anymore is
                        it, Jack? Ten years ago, this was
                        all over the news for weeks,
                        months. Magazine articles,
                        newspapers, big interviews -- made
                        people’s careers. Made yours.

                        JACK
                        Look, if this about my article-

                        REID
                        I didn’t give a shit about your
                        fucking hit piece until you called
                        looking for this. But it doesn’t
                        matter, because now it won’t even
                        be a blip. Because this, and worse,
                        happens every day, so it’s just on
                        to the next headline, the next
                        murder, the next mass shooting, and
                        the world will forget all about
                        him. Again. But they won’t forget
                        about them.
                        77.


                        She stares into his eyes, making him noticeably
                        uncomfortable. Savors it.

                        REID
                        His acts only have the power we
                        give them. You don’t matter, and he
                        doesn’t matter without it.

                        JACK
                        (defiant)
                        Then why did he stop?

                        REID
                        He got scared. Someone saw him,
                        they yelled, he ran, she died.
                        Wrong place, wrong time, right
                        Jack? He knew that he would be the
                        last thing she would ever see, and
                        he loved it. You know the feeling,
                        the rush of getting a great scoop,
                        the witness no one else has,
                        beating everyone else to the story -
                        - winning the Pulitzer.

                        JACK
                        Solving the crime.

                        REID
                        It’s a rush.

                        JACK
                        One you keep chasing.

                        REID
                        One I wish I didn’t have to. But
                        you have a genuine taste for it,
                        don’t you, sport? The spotlight,
                        the power, the-

                        JACK
                        Maybe he couldn’t help himself.
                        Maybe he didn’t see himself as a
                        killer but as-

                        REID
                        A victim? Please...

                        Jack is starting to lose it.

                        JACK
                        He’s insane.

                        Anger growing in her voice.
                        78.


                        REID
                        He planned these murders, evolving
                        from thought to deed over and over.
                        He knew how much they would suffer,
                        but he wanted to show that he was
                        more powerful and smarter than
                        everybody else. That’s what he
                        wants to be known for. Isn’t it
                        Jack?

                        If you looked closely at Jack, you might see a drop of sweat.

                        JACK
                        I was just doing my job.

                        REID
                        And what job was that?

                        JACK
                        Same one I’m doing now.

                        Reid moves closer.

                        REID
                        Back on top, back in control. The
                        man. Feels good, doesn’t it?

                        Gets in his face. Looks straight through him.

                        REID
                        You miss this.

                        Jack steps back involuntarily.

                        JACK
                        That’s not true-

                        REID
                        But the rush of fame doesn’t last,
                        does it? No, it fades, and then you
                        have to start chasing it all over
                        again. And again, and again, and-

                        JACK
                        Look, all I did was-

                        Reid explodes.

                        REID
                        Create him! You gave him attention,
                        validation, power. Hell, you even
                        named him -- “The Sunset Killer”.
                        (MORE)
                        79.
                        REID (CONT’D)
                        Maybe you didn’t start the fire but
                        you sure as shit poured gasoline
                        all over the flames.

                        JACK
                        I was just-

                        REID
                        Doing your job? You already said
                        that.

                        Jack, caged, reaches for the RAZOR-KNIFE in his pocket.

                        Reid clocks his move, reaches for her gun.

                        Her chance to finally end this, end him, when-

                        REID’S PHONE DINGS. So does Jack’s.

                        Reid grabs her phone and clicks on the text. Reads it.

                        REID
                        “This one is all on you.”

                        There’s another video attached.

                        Reid clicks on it.

                        It’s the VIDEO OF ALISON’S MURDER SK made in our opening.

                        Alison looking straight at the camera, dangling from the
                        noose.

                        Arms flailing. Reaching for him.

                        Choking for air. Trying desperately to scream but she can’t.

                        Eyes bulging, head twitching-

                        REID, dread in her voice.

                        REID
                        My God.

                        Reid closes the video, scrambles to dial her phone. Races
                        towards the Crown Vic.

                        MALLOY
                        (over phone)
                        Malloy.
                        80.


                        REID
                        Lieutenant it’s Reid, I need all
                        available at 555 North Bundy Drive
                        in Brentwood Heights.

                        MALLOY
                        What the hell’s going on?

                        REID
                        It’s Alison Chambers-
                        Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

                        Summary Reid and Jack argue in an alley covered with newspaper clippings about the Sunset Killer. Reid blames herself for not catching the killer earlier and Jack for creating him through his articles. Jack denies responsibility and reaches for a razor-knife, but Reid pulls out her gun. They both receive a text with a video of Alison's murder, and Reid calls for backup.
                        Strengths
                        • Intense dialogue
                        • Emotional impact
                        • Exploration of guilt and power dynamics
                        Weaknesses

                          Ratings
                          Overall

                          Overall: 9

                          The scene is highly engaging and emotionally charged, with intense dialogue and a sense of urgency. It effectively conveys the internal conflict and guilt experienced by Reid, while also highlighting the power dynamics between her and Jack.


                          Story Content

                          Concept: 8

                          The concept of exploring the guilt and power dynamics in a serial killer case is compelling and adds depth to the story. The scene effectively delves into the psychological aspects of the characters and their motivations.

                          Plot: 8

                          The plot progresses as Reid confronts Jack about his role in the case and the impact it had on her. The revelation of a new video and the urgency to solve the murder of Alison Chambers adds tension and raises the stakes.

                          Originality: 9

                          The level of originality in this scene is high. The situation of a detective confronting a journalist about their role in creating a serial killer's fame is unique and fresh. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality, as they are driven by their personal motivations and beliefs.


                          Character Development

                          Characters: 9

                          The characters of Reid and Jack are well-developed and their conflicting emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed. Their dialogue reveals their personalities and adds depth to their relationship.

                          Character Changes: 8

                          Reid experiences a shift in her emotions and confronts Jack about her guilt and his role in the case. This confrontation leads to a deeper understanding of their characters and motivations.

                          Internal Goal: 8

                          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront the journalist, Jack, about his role in creating the Sunset Killer's fame and power. This reflects her deeper need for justice and her fear of the killer's actions going unnoticed or forgotten.

                          External Goal: 7

                          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather support and resources to investigate the murder of Alison Chambers. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges she's facing in solving the case and stopping the killer.


                          Scene Elements

                          Conflict Level: 9

                          The conflict between Reid and Jack is intense and emotionally charged. Their conflicting emotions, motivations, and the urgency to solve the murder case create a high level of conflict.

                          Opposition: 8

                          The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist confronts the journalist about his role in creating the killer's fame. The audience doesn't know how the confrontation will go and there is a sense of danger and conflict between the characters.

                          High Stakes: 9

                          The stakes are high as Reid confronts Jack about his role in the case and the urgency to solve the murder of Alison Chambers. The emotional impact and the potential consequences of their actions add to the high stakes.

                          Story Forward: 9

                          The scene moves the story forward by revealing new information about the case and raising the stakes. It creates a sense of urgency and sets up the next plot development.

                          Unpredictability: 8

                          This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information and twists in the plot. The revelation of the video of Alison's murder and the protagonist's reaction to it adds a layer of unpredictability and raises questions about the killer's motives and actions.

                          Philosophical Conflict: 9

                          The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the debate between the protagonist and the journalist about the power and responsibility of the media in creating and perpetuating the fame of criminals. This challenges the protagonist's belief in the importance of justice and the journalist's belief in the pursuit of a story.


                          Audience Engagement

                          Emotional Impact: 10

                          The scene evokes strong emotions, including anger, dread, and defiance. The intense confrontation and the revelation of the video of Alison's murder create a high emotional impact.

                          Dialogue: 10

                          The dialogue is intense, confrontational, and emotionally charged. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions, motivations, and the power dynamics between them.

                          Engagement: 9

                          This scene is engaging because it is filled with intense dialogue exchanges, emotional conflicts, and a sense of urgency. The characters' motivations and beliefs are clearly conveyed, and the cliffhanger ending leaves the audience wanting to know what happens next.

                          Pacing: 9

                          The pacing of this scene is effective in creating tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue exchanges are fast-paced and filled with emotional intensity, while the narrative description and scene direction provide visual and emotional cues that enhance the pacing.


                          Technical Aspect

                          Formatting: 9

                          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The use of capitalization and punctuation effectively conveys the tone and emotions of the characters.

                          Structure: 8

                          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It starts with a visual description, followed by dialogue exchanges that reveal the characters' goals, conflicts, and emotions. The scene builds tension and ends with a cliffhanger, setting up the next part of the narrative.


                          Critique
                          • The scene starts with a close-up shot of the front page of The Los Angeles Times from ten years ago, which is a good visual way to establish the context and set the tone for the scene. However, the use of a newspaper headline as a way to convey information feels a bit cliché and could be more creatively executed.
                          • The dialogue between Reid and Jack is intense and confrontational, which matches the emotional tone of the scene. However, some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and could benefit from more subtlety and nuance.
                          • The conflict between Reid and Jack is well-established, but it would be helpful to have a clearer understanding of their individual goals and motivations in this scene. This would add depth to their confrontation and make it more engaging for the audience.
                          • The pacing of the scene is a bit uneven, with moments of intense dialogue followed by slower moments of exposition. It would be beneficial to maintain a consistent level of tension throughout the scene to keep the audience engaged.
                          • The use of visual elements, such as the newspaper clippings and the razor-knife, adds depth to the scene and enhances the tension. However, there could be more visual cues and symbolism to further enhance the storytelling.
                          • The scene ends with a dramatic revelation and a sense of urgency, which is effective in creating suspense and leaving the audience wanting more. However, the transition to the next scene could be smoother and more seamless.
                          Suggestions
                          • Consider finding a more unique and creative way to convey the information from the newspaper headline, such as through a visual montage or a voiceover narration.
                          • Refine the dialogue to add more subtlety and subtext, allowing the conflict between Reid and Jack to unfold in a more nuanced and layered way.
                          • Develop the individual goals and motivations of Reid and Jack in this scene, making their confrontation more dynamic and compelling.
                          • Maintain a consistent level of tension throughout the scene by tightening the pacing and eliminating any unnecessary exposition.
                          • Explore additional visual cues and symbolism to enhance the storytelling and add depth to the scene.
                          • Improve the transition to the next scene by finding a natural and seamless way to carry the momentum and suspense forward.



                          Scene 22 -  Desperate Chase and Investigation
                          INT. CROWN VIC (MOVING) - NIGHT

                          Reid races down Sunset towards Brentwood, swerving through
                          traffic, lights flashing.

                          Heart pumping. Mind racing.

                          Weaving in and out of traffic, desperate.

                          Her phone rings.

                          REID
                          Tell me something good.

                          ALEX
                          (over phone)
                          We got a hit on the phone. Tracing
                          it now.

                          REID
                          You’re the best. Let me know.

                          She hangs up.

                          REID
                          Stingray got a hit. We got the
                          phone.

                          JACK
                          That’s great.

                          Jack squirms a little. Reid notices. Pulls the noose a little
                          tighter.

                          A little smile. Pleased.

                          REID
                          We got the phone.
                          81.


                          EXT. CHAMBERS HOUSE - NIGHT

                          They climb out of the Crown Vic, duck under the yellow Police
                          tape running across the front yard.

                          Several squad cars and an Ambulance out front.

                          Reid hurries across the lawn.

                          Her phone rings. She answers.

                          REID
                          I just got here.

                          MALLOY
                          We didn’t find a second set of
                          prints on Garret’s gun. Just his.

                          Reid, disappointed, doesn’t want to show her cards just yet.

                          REID
                          Got it. See you in a bit.

                          She hangs up. They reach the front door.

                          REID
                          Stay out of the way and don’t touch
                          anything. We’ll get your prints for
                          the log, to eliminate you from any
                          prints found here.

                          He likes the sound of that.

                          JACK
                          Perfect.
                          Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

                          Summary Reid races down Sunset towards Brentwood, swerving through traffic, lights flashing. She weaves in and out of traffic, desperate. Her phone rings and Alex tells her they got a hit on the phone and are tracing it. Reid is pleased and tells Jack they got the phone. They arrive at Chambers House and Reid tells Jack to stay out of the way and not touch anything. They will get his prints for the log to eliminate him from any prints found there. The scene ends with Reid instructing Jack to stay out of the way and not touch anything at Chambers House.
                          Strengths
                          • Intense pacing
                          • Effective dialogue
                          • Building tension and suspense
                          Weaknesses
                          • Limited character development
                          • Underexplored themes

                          Ratings
                          Overall

                          Overall: 9

                          The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the fast-paced action and the revelation of new information. The dialogue is concise and impactful, conveying the urgency of the situation. The scene also introduces a potential turning point in the investigation, raising the stakes for the characters.


                          Story Content

                          Concept: 8

                          The concept of tracing a phone to gather crucial evidence is a familiar element in crime thrillers. However, the scene adds a sense of urgency and excitement through the high-speed pursuit and the characters' reactions.

                          Plot: 9

                          The plot advances significantly in this scene as the characters receive a hit on the phone trace and reach the location where important evidence may be found. The scene raises questions about the identity of the phone owner and the potential implications for the investigation.

                          Originality: 6

                          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and situation are familiar in the crime genre, the specific actions and dialogue of the characters feel authentic and true to the genre. The writer does not rely on clichés or predictable plot developments.


                          Character Development

                          Characters: 8

                          The characters' emotions and motivations are effectively conveyed through their dialogue and actions. Reid's determination and Jack's nervousness add depth to the scene. However, further development of the characters' personalities and relationships could enhance the overall impact.

                          Character Changes: 7

                          While there is a subtle change in Reid's demeanor from disappointment to satisfaction, the scene primarily focuses on advancing the plot and introducing new information. Further exploration of character changes and growth could enhance the scene.

                          Internal Goal: 8

                          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find evidence or leads that will help solve the case they are working on. This reflects her deeper need for justice and her desire to prove herself as a competent detective.

                          External Goal: 7

                          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate a crime scene and gather information. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing in their job as detectives.


                          Scene Elements

                          Conflict Level: 8

                          The conflict in the scene arises from the characters' desperate pursuit of evidence and the potential consequences of their actions. The tension is heightened by Reid's tightening of the noose around Jack's neck, indicating a power dynamic and potential conflict between them.

                          Opposition: 6

                          The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there is some tension between the protagonist and her partner, it is not a major obstacle that creates significant uncertainty for the audience.

                          High Stakes: 9

                          The stakes are high in this scene as the characters are desperate to find evidence and make progress in the investigation. The potential breakthrough raises the stakes even further.

                          Story Forward: 9

                          The scene significantly moves the story forward by providing a potential breakthrough in the investigation and raising new questions. It adds momentum and anticipation for the audience.

                          Unpredictability: 7

                          This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a new piece of information (the hit on the phone) that adds a twist to the investigation. The audience is left wondering how this new development will affect the characters' actions and the overall outcome of the case.

                          Philosophical Conflict: 0

                          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                          Audience Engagement

                          Emotional Impact: 8

                          The scene evokes emotions of anticipation, disappointment, and satisfaction through the characters' reactions and the high-stakes situation. However, deeper emotional exploration and character development could enhance the impact.

                          Dialogue: 9

                          The dialogue is concise, impactful, and serves the purpose of conveying crucial information and building tension. The exchange between Reid and Jack reveals their contrasting emotions and adds depth to their relationship.

                          Engagement: 9

                          This scene is engaging because it immediately throws the audience into a high-stakes situation and keeps them hooked with the fast-paced action and dialogue.

                          Pacing: 9

                          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast and urgent rhythm. The concise and direct writing style helps to keep the scene moving at a brisk pace.


                          Technical Aspect

                          Formatting: 9

                          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

                          Structure: 8

                          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into a series of dialogue exchanges and character actions.


                          Critique
                          • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scene. It abruptly starts with Reid racing down Sunset towards Brentwood without any context or explanation of why she is in such a hurry.
                          • The dialogue between Reid and Alex feels forced and unnatural. It lacks depth and emotion, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
                          • The tension between Reid and Jack is not effectively conveyed in the scene. There is a mention of Reid pulling the noose tighter, but it is not clear what this means or how it affects their relationship.
                          • The description of Reid being pleased and having a little smile after getting the phone feels out of place. It doesn't align with the urgency and desperation established earlier in the scene.
                          • The transition from the moving car to Chambers House is abrupt and lacks a smooth flow. It would benefit from a clearer transition or establishing shot to orient the audience.
                          • The dialogue between Reid and Malloy lacks depth and emotion. It feels like a simple exchange of information rather than a meaningful conversation.
                          • The description of Reid being disappointed and not wanting to show her cards is not effectively conveyed. It would benefit from more specific actions or reactions to show her emotions.
                          • The dialogue between Reid and Jack at the front door of Chambers House feels flat and lacks tension. It could benefit from more conflict or emotional depth.
                          • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details that could enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the setting.
                          • The scene lacks a clear resolution or cliffhanger to keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.
                          Suggestions
                          • Start the scene with a brief establishing shot or description to provide context and explain why Reid is racing down Sunset towards Brentwood.
                          • Revise the dialogue between Reid and Alex to make it more natural and emotionally engaging. Show their connection and the importance of the information they are discussing.
                          • Develop the tension between Reid and Jack more effectively. Show their conflicting motivations and emotions through their actions and dialogue.
                          • Reconsider the moment of Reid being pleased and having a little smile after getting the phone. Make sure it aligns with the overall tone and emotions of the scene.
                          • Smoothly transition from the moving car to Chambers House by including a brief description or establishing shot to orient the audience.
                          • Add depth and emotion to the dialogue between Reid and Malloy. Show their reactions and emotions more explicitly to make the conversation more engaging.
                          • Enhance the description of Reid being disappointed and not wanting to show her cards. Show her internal struggle and conflicting emotions through her actions and reactions.
                          • Add more conflict and emotional depth to the dialogue between Reid and Jack at the front door of Chambers House. Show their conflicting emotions and motivations more explicitly.
                          • Include more visual descriptions and details to enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the setting. Use sensory details to create a vivid and engaging scene.
                          • Create a clear resolution or cliffhanger at the end of the scene to keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next. Leave them with a sense of anticipation or suspense.



                          Scene 23 -  A Gruesome Discovery
                          INT. CHAMBERS HOUSE - NIGHT

                          They enter, met by OFFICER OYAMA, 30s, new on the job, who
                          hands them latex gloves.

                          OYAMA
                          Is he?

                          REID
                          With me.
                          (to Jack)
                          Don’t touch anything.

                          JACK
                          Just a fly on the wall.
                          82.


                          REID
                          Don’t touch the walls either.
                          (to Oyama)
                          What do we got?

                          As they move to the hallway.

                          OYAMA
                          Male, deceased. Multiple stab
                          wounds to the back, belt choked
                          around his neck. FIU puts the time
                          of death around five am.

                          They reach Carl’s body.

                          Reid, sickened, wants to explode, holds it together.

                          REID
                          Where’s his wife? Where’s Alison?

                          Oyama doesn’t answer.

                          REID
                          Where is she!

                          OYAMA
                          We don’t know.

                          The words slam into Jack. His mind races.

                          REID
                          You don’t know?

                          OYAMA
                          All we got is a pool of blood in
                          the living room and a trail leading
                          out the front door.

                          JACK
                          Jesus.

                          Malloy walks up, just off the phone.

                          MALLOY
                          We got a Jane Doe at UCLA Medical.
                          Fits Alison’s description. They
                          found her unconscious down on
                          Sunset. No ID. Lost a lot of blood.
                          MISS ME was carved into her back.

                          JACK
                          Is she alive?
                          83.


                          MALLOY
                          By a thread.

                          REID
                          Anybody talk to her?

                          MALLOY
                          Hasn’t regained consciousness, but
                          she’ll be out of surgery soon.

                          REID
                          I want to know as soon as she wakes
                          up.

                          MALLOY
                          You got it.
                          (a beat)
                          You think he killed Garrett?

                          REID
                          One way or the other.

                          Malloy’s phone rings. He grabs it.

                          MALLOY
                          Shit, it’s the mayor.

                          REID
                          Well I guess you better answer it.

                          MALLOY
                          You mean answer for it.

                          Malloy walks away as he takes the call.

                          MALLOY
                          Mr. Mayor...

                          Reid turns to Jack.

                          REID
                          Her brother is Derek Collins.

                          JACK
                          The guy who you arrested for SK’s
                          murders?

                          She moves through the house, searching, absorbing.

                          REID
                          Ever since she helped free him,
                          she’s been obsessed with the case.
                          Called and emailed me all the time
                          with clues, possible suspects.
                          (MORE)
                          84.
                          REID (CONT’D)
                          She’s been putting together a
                          podcast about it.

                          Reid takes in the scene. Focused.

                          Pool of blood on the floor. Shattered coffee cup. Bloody
                          footprints leading to the front door.

                          REID
                          (to herself)
                          Talk to me Alison.
                          (to Jack)
                          He took his time here. Unusual for
                          him. More violent.

                          Reid uses a pen to pick up the the BLOOD-SOAKED BRA/NOOSE
                          from the floor. A flush of anger.

                          REID
                          He broke in. Two victims. One male.
                          Risky... out of character. This was-

                          JACK
                          Personal.

                          Something about the way he said that catches her. Pushes
                          back.

                          REID
                          Desperate.

                          Reid clocks the blood covered cellphone on the floor.

                          REID
                          She texted me this morning, right
                          around the time of the murders.
                          Said she knew who SK was. Left her
                          a message on my way to work but I
                          never heard back.

                          JACK
                          Well now you know why.

                          Reid moves to Alison’s desk. Looks at the smashed up IMAC.

                          REID
                          Probably saved it on here
                          somewhere.

                          Turns to VERITA CONCHOLA, Field Investigation Unit. Seasoned.
                          Serious.
                          85.


                          REID
                          Verita, think we can get anything
                          off this?

                          VERITA
                          Looks pretty banged up.

                          JACK
                          I think that was the point.

                          Verita is looking around for something.

                          VERITA
                          It has an internal hard drive, but
                          I’m sure he knew that.

                          She moves to a closet in the hallway. Opens the double-doors
                          to find a little home-recording studio set-up.

                          There’s a small desk with a microphone, the door padded with
                          sound-proof foam.

                          But that’s not what Verita is looking for-

                          VERITA
                          Bingo.

                          She points to something on the top shelf.

                          VERITA
                          Wireless RAID tower.

                          REID
                          He missed it.

                          Jack tightens. Not so cocky now.

                          VERITA
                          Six hard-drives full of gold.

                          REID
                          Well let’s get the boys digging.

                          VERITA
                          On it.

                          Reid leads Jack down the hall.

                          REID
                          She wrote a blog.

                          Jack, lost in panic, mind spinning, control slipping through
                          his fingers right in front of him.
                          86.


                          Worse, he’s losing control in front of Reid.

                          JACK
                          What’s that?

                          REID
                          A blog. Alison wrote a blog. It’s
                          like what you do, except online.

                          JACK
                          I know what a blog is, and it’s not
                          even close to what I do.

                          REID
                          I bet her readers don’t know that.
                          And she has a lot of them. Who
                          knows, she might get a Netflix deal
                          out of it.
                          (looks him right in the
                          eye)
                          Maybe even a book.

                          JACK
                          Good for her.

                          REID
                          Well, it was until it wasn’t,
                          right?

                          JACK
                          Comes with the territory.

                          REID
                          And who’s territory is that?

                          Jack answers with a short laugh and-

                          A fucking thin-lipped smile.

                          Reid plays with him. A cat with her mouse.

                          REID
                          We’ve been tracking the hits to her
                          blog for a while now, logged the IP
                          addresses of everyone who checked
                          out her site. You know, see if
                          someone might have been a little
                          bit more curious than the others.

                          JACK
                          And?

                          REID
                          Someone was very curious.
                          87.


                          JACK
                          And who would that be?

                          Enjoying this.

                          REID
                          You’re a smart guy Jack. Figure it
                          out.

                          Reid’s phone rings.

                          REID
                          Yeah. Where?

                          Shifts her focus to Jack.

                          REID
                          Great work, thanks.

                          She hangs up, never taking her eyes off him.

                          REID
                          They got the location of SK’s cell
                          phone.

                          JACK
                          Where is it?

                          REID
                          Here. It’s in the house.

                          Her words pin Jack in place. Tries not to react.

                          MALLOY (OC)
                          Reid!

                          Malloy waves Reid over from the backdoor.

                          REID
                          (to Jack)
                          Excuse me for a sec.

                          Turns to Oyama.

                          REID
                          Watch this guy. Make sure he
                          doesn’t steal anything.

                          JACK
                          Really?

                          REID
                          It’s your shifty eyes.
                          88.
                          Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller"]

                          Summary Reid and Jack enter the Chambers house to find a male deceased with multiple stab wounds and a belt around his neck. Alison, the wife of the deceased, is missing but later found unconscious with a disturbing message carved into her back. Reid suspects the killer is the same person who killed Garrett. They discover a wireless RAID tower with hard drives and track the IP addresses of Alison's blog readers. Reid receives a call about the location of SK's cell phone. The scene ends with Reid asking Officer Oyama to watch Jack and prevent any theft.
                          Strengths
                          • Building suspense
                          • Revealing crucial information
                          • Introducing new suspect
                          Weaknesses
                          • Lack of memorable dialogue

                          Ratings
                          Overall

                          Overall: 9

                          The scene is highly engaging and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. It effectively builds suspense and raises questions about the identity of the killer and the whereabouts of the protagonist's missing wife.


                          Story Content

                          Concept: 8

                          The concept of a murder investigation with personal stakes is compelling and adds depth to the story. The introduction of a blog and podcast as investigative tools adds a modern twist to the traditional crime genre.

                          Plot: 9

                          The plot progresses significantly in this scene as new information about the murder and the missing wife is revealed. The stakes are raised, and the audience is left eager to know what happens next.

                          Originality: 6

                          The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a crime scene and investigation is familiar, the specific details and character dynamics add some freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable.


                          Character Development

                          Characters: 8

                          The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively conveyed. The protagonist's determination to find his wife and catch the killer is palpable.

                          Character Changes: 7

                          While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the protagonist's resolve and determination are reinforced.

                          Internal Goal: 8

                          The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find out what happened to Alison, the wife of the deceased. This reflects Reid's deeper need for justice and her fear of not being able to solve the case.

                          External Goal: 9

                          The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to investigate the crime scene and gather evidence to solve the case. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing, which is the murder of the husband and the disappearance of the wife.


                          Scene Elements

                          Conflict Level: 9

                          The conflict in this scene is high, with the protagonist desperate to find his missing wife and catch the killer. The uncertainty surrounding the wife's condition and the revelation of a new suspect intensify the conflict.

                          Opposition: 8

                          The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges in solving the case and finding Alison. The audience is unsure of how the investigation will go and what obstacles will arise.

                          High Stakes: 10

                          The stakes are extremely high in this scene, with the protagonist's wife missing and in critical condition. The urgency to catch the killer and save the wife's life adds tension and suspense.

                          Story Forward: 9

                          The scene moves the story forward significantly by providing crucial information about the murder case and the missing wife. It raises new questions and keeps the audience engaged.

                          Unpredictability: 7

                          This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information and twists, such as the disappearance of Alison and the discovery of SK's cell phone in the house.

                          Philosophical Conflict: 0

                          There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                          Audience Engagement

                          Emotional Impact: 8

                          The scene evokes a sense of dread and concern for the missing wife's well-being. The protagonist's anger and determination also elicit an emotional response from the audience.

                          Dialogue: 7

                          The dialogue is concise and serves the purpose of conveying important information and building tension. However, there are no particularly memorable or impactful lines in this scene.

                          Engagement: 9

                          This scene is engaging because it introduces a crime and mystery, raises questions about the characters and their motivations, and creates a sense of urgency and suspense.

                          Pacing: 9

                          The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm and building tension through the characters' dialogue and actions.


                          Technical Aspect

                          Formatting: 9

                          The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper indentation, spacing, and capitalization.

                          Structure: 8

                          The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action lines.


                          Critique
                          • The scene lacks clear and concise action lines, making it difficult to follow the characters' movements and actions.
                          • The dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and lacks subtext, resulting in a lack of depth and tension in the scene.
                          • There is a missed opportunity to explore the emotional impact of finding Garrett dead and the potential guilt Reid feels for not catching the killer earlier.
                          • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, with important information being delivered too quickly without allowing the audience to fully process it.
                          • The conflict between Reid and Jack could be heightened and made more compelling by delving deeper into their personal stakes and motivations.
                          • The visual elements could be described in more vivid detail to enhance the atmosphere and immerse the reader in the setting.
                          • The scene lacks a clear resolution or cliffhanger, leaving the audience without a sense of closure or anticipation for the next scene.
                          Suggestions
                          • Revise the action lines to clearly describe the characters' movements and actions, providing a visual guide for the reader.
                          • Work on adding subtext and depth to the dialogue, allowing the characters to communicate their emotions and motivations indirectly.
                          • Take the time to explore Reid's emotional reaction to finding Garrett dead and her potential guilt, adding depth to her character and the overall story.
                          • Consider slowing down the pacing of the scene, allowing important information to be delivered in a more digestible way and giving the audience time to process it.
                          • Heighten the conflict between Reid and Jack by delving deeper into their personal stakes and motivations, creating a more compelling and tense dynamic.
                          • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and atmospheric setting, using vivid language to engage the reader's senses.
                          • Consider adding a clear resolution or cliffhanger at the end of the scene to provide a sense of closure or anticipation for the next scene.



                          Scene 24 -  Tense Confrontations and a Dramatic Escape
                          EXT. CHAMBERS BACKYARD - NIGHT

                          Reid steps onto the patio.

                          REID
                          Is she alive?

                          Malloy church whispers-

                          MALLOY
                          Barely. In and out of
                          consciousness. Doc gives her fifty-
                          fifty.

                          REID
                          I need to be there when she wakes
                          up, and those reporters out there
                          do not find out about her until I
                          talk to her. Keep a low-profile
                          detail on her room.

                          MALLOY
                          You got it.


                          INT. CHAMBERS HOUSE/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

                          Jack sees Reid coming towards him.

                          Reality hits. It’s over.

                          Jack is just about coming out of his skin. Keep it together
                          Jack.

                          JACK’S POV scans the room in quick cuts. Desperate.

                          Oyama’s gun holstered at his hip. Maybe he could take him,
                          but-

                          Four more cops in the living room.

                          Three more in the kitchen.

                          It’s a long way to the front door.

                          More cops and reporters on the front lawn.

                          Jack is losing control, trapped. A feeling he doesn’t handle
                          well.

                          He’s about to make his move when-

                          She reaches him. This is it. Here we go.
                          89.


                          REID
                          We got a witness.

                          JACK
                          She’s alive?

                          Reid smiles.

                          REID
                          She’s alive.

                          Jack holds her stare, his face neutral.

                          JACK
                          Did she give a name?

                          REID
                          Not yet, but she will. Doctors said
                          she’ll be awake soon and be able to
                          talk.

                          That lands. She notices. Pokes him some more.

                          REID
                          That’s all you want, right Jack?
                          The truth?

                          Jack doesn’t answer. Doesn’t have to.


                          EXT. CHAMBERS HOUSE - NIGHT

                          A couple of TV News Vans have set up their remotes, their
                          lights washing across the front of the house.

                          Reid and Jack march towards the Crown Vic as a TV REPORTER
                          confronts them on the front lawn.

                          TV REPORTER
                          Detective Reid, is it true that one
                          of the victims is the sister of
                          Derek Collins, the man wrongly
                          accused of being the Sunset Killer?

                          REID
                          No comment.

                          TV REPORTER
                          Is she dead?

                          REID
                          No comment.
                          90.


                          TV REPORTER
                          Is the Sunset Killer back?

                          REID
                          No comment.

                          Jack, never one to miss an opportunity.

                          JACK
                          I guess you’ll have to read about
                          it in the Times.

                          Reid didn’t like that.

                          TV REPORTER
                          Do you have any suspects?

                          Reid stops walking -- for emphasis.

                          REID
                          Yes. We have a suspect.

                          That shuts everybody up. Including Jack.

                          REID
                          And that’s all I’m gonna’ say. Have
                          a nice night.

                          But then Reid sees someone in the crowd of reporters and on-
                          lookers, someone who doesn’t belong-

                          Someone with a CAMERA. CLICK, CLICK.

                          IT’S THE PHOTOGRAPHER.

                          Reid charges him, grabs him with both hands. Shakes him.

                          REID
                          Who the hell are you?

                          PHOTOGRAPHER
                          I’m a-

                          REID
                          You’re not a reporter. You’ve been
                          following us. Why?

                          His Planet Hollywood cap falls to the ground, and we get our
                          first look at him. 60s, burly, beaten down, bitter.

                          PHOTOGRAPHER
                          I’m a private investigator. I was
                          hired to follow you.
                          (MORE)
                          91.
                          PHOTOGRAPHER (CONT’D)
                          Take pictures and upload them to a
                          server. Send some texts. That’s
                          all.

                          REID
                          Who hired you?

                          PHOTOGRAPHER
                          I don’t know. It was all online.
                          Crypto. Never met ‘em.

                          Reid pushes the photographer towards an OFFICER.

                          REID
                          Officer, take this man into
                          custody. Check his camera and
                          phone. I want to know what he
                          knows. Everything.

                          OFFICER
                          You got it, Detective.

                          The Officer drags the Photographer away. Reid is starting to
                          lose it.

                          REID
                          You’re gonna’ give him up!

                          She turns back to Jack. Collects herself. Controlled breath.

                          REID
                          Let’s go.

                          Reid moves to the car. Jack hesitates.

                          REID
                          NOW!

                          Jack follows, uneasy.

                          REID
                          That’s a good boy.

                          They reach the car-

                          JACK
                          What about my exclusive?

                          She climbs in, never looking at him.

                          REID
                          Fuck your exclusive.
                          92.


                          EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT

                          The Crown Vic snakes its way East on Sunset. Lights flashing,
                          siren on.
                          Genres: ["Crime","Mystery","Thriller"]

                          Summary Reid and Malloy discuss the condition of a witness while Jack panics about being trapped in the house with police and reporters outside. Reid assures Jack that the witness is alive and will be able to talk soon. As they leave the house, they are confronted by a TV reporter. Reid spots the photographer who has been following them and has him taken into custody. With lights flashing and siren blaring, Reid and Jack drive away, escaping the chaotic scene.
                          Strengths
                          • Tension-building
                          • Sharp dialogue
                          • Revelation of crucial information
                          Weaknesses

                            Ratings
                            Overall

                            Overall: 9

                            The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the revelation of the victim's condition and the confrontation with the private investigator. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, and the stakes are high as the detectives try to protect the victim and uncover the truth.


                            Story Content

                            Concept: 8

                            The concept of the scene revolves around the aftermath of a crime, the pursuit of justice, and the clash between law enforcement and the media. It effectively explores the themes of truth and deception.

                            Plot: 9

                            The plot of the scene advances the overall story by revealing crucial information about the victim and introducing a new character who adds intrigue and raises questions about the investigation. The tension and conflict are heightened as the detectives navigate the media scrutiny.

                            Originality: 6

                            The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a protagonist protecting a witness and facing media scrutiny is familiar, the specific details and interactions between characters feel authentic. The dialogue and actions of the characters are believable and contribute to the overall authenticity of the scene.


                            Character Development

                            Characters: 9

                            The characters in the scene are well-developed and their motivations and emotions are conveyed effectively. Reid is determined and focused, while Jack is desperate and trapped. The interaction between them adds depth to their relationship.

                            Character Changes: 7

                            While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Reid and Jack's motivations and their relationship.

                            Internal Goal: 8

                            The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect the witness and ensure that she wakes up safely. This reflects their deeper need for justice and their fear of the truth being revealed prematurely.

                            External Goal: 7

                            The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to maintain control and avoid being trapped by the police and reporters. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing.


                            Scene Elements

                            Conflict Level: 9

                            The conflict in the scene is high, both internally within the characters and externally with the media. There is a sense of urgency and danger as the detectives try to protect the victim and maintain control of the situation.

                            Opposition: 8

                            The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist is faced with the challenge of avoiding the police and reporters while protecting the witness. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

                            High Stakes: 10

                            The stakes are high in the scene as the detectives try to protect the victim, uncover the truth, and navigate the media scrutiny. The outcome of their actions could have significant consequences.

                            Story Forward: 9

                            The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the victim and introducing a new character who adds intrigue to the investigation. It raises questions and increases the tension.

                            Unpredictability: 7

                            This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a new character, the photographer, who adds a twist to the story. The audience doesn't know who hired the photographer or what information he may have.

                            Philosophical Conflict: 0

                            There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                            Audience Engagement

                            Emotional Impact: 8

                            The scene evokes tension and suspense, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The emotional impact is heightened by the stakes involved and the characters' desperation.

                            Dialogue: 10

                            The dialogue in the scene is sharp, impactful, and reveals important information. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters and keeps the audience engaged.

                            Engagement: 9

                            This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with a sense of urgency. The dialogue and actions of the characters keep the audience invested in the outcome.

                            Pacing: 9

                            The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and urgency. The quick cuts in the narrative description and the concise dialogue keep the scene moving at a fast pace.


                            Technical Aspect

                            Formatting: 9

                            The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, action lines, and dialogue are properly formatted and easy to follow.

                            Structure: 8

                            The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an exterior location, transitions to an interior location, and ends with another exterior location. The scene is well-paced and effectively conveys the escalating tension.


                            Critique
                            • The scene lacks clear and concise action lines, making it difficult to follow the characters' movements and actions.
                            • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural, particularly in the exchange between Reid and Jack in the living room.
                            • The emotional tension between Reid and Jack is not effectively conveyed in the scene.
                            • The confrontation with the TV reporter feels cliché and lacks originality.
                            • The reveal of the photographer as a private investigator hired to follow Reid feels contrived and lacks proper setup.
                            • The transition between the confrontation with the photographer and Reid's line about the exclusive feels abrupt and disjointed.
                            Suggestions
                            • Revise the action lines to clearly describe the characters' movements and actions, providing a visual understanding of the scene.
                            • Rewrite the dialogue to sound more natural and authentic, reflecting the emotional tension between Reid and Jack.
                            • Consider adding more subtext and nuance to the confrontation with the TV reporter to make it more engaging and original.
                            • Foreshadow the presence of the photographer earlier in the script to make his reveal more believable and impactful.
                            • Smooth out the transition between the confrontation with the photographer and Reid's line about the exclusive to create a more seamless flow.



                            Scene 25 -  Tense Investigation at the Hospital
                            INT. CROWN VIC (MOVING) - NIGHT

                            Reid has a tight grip on the wheel, her mind racing,
                            adrenaline pumping. A hunter locked on her prey.

                            SALLY (VO)
                            You ever worry about collateral
                            damage?

                            REID (VO)
                            I don’t have time to worry.

                            SALLY (VO)
                            Doesn’t mean you don’t.

                            She does. Then-

                            JACK
                            You have a suspect?

                            REID
                            We have a witness, and she’s going
                            to give us our suspect.
                            (pleased)
                            We got him.
                            (looks right at him)
                            He messed up.

                            Reid’s phone rings. She answers.

                            REID
                            Reid.

                            ALEX
                            (over phone)
                            We were able to do a quick match in-
                            house with the DNA we pulled from
                            the saliva on the Coke bottle you
                            sent us from El Compadre and the
                            saliva from the zip-ties.

                            REID
                            And?

                            ALEX
                            Jack sent the package to himself
                            and the letter to you.
                            93.


                            REID
                            Got it.

                            She hangs up. Locks eyes with Jack.

                            REID
                            They got a hit on the DNA.

                            JACK
                            What DNA?

                            Enjoys it.

                            REID
                            Sorry, need to know.

                            Jack’s phone rings.

                            JACK
                            It’s Becerra.

                            REID
                            Do not tell her about Alison. The
                            last thing I need is a media circus
                            at the hospital.

                            He answers.

                            JACK
                            Hey boss.

                            KARLA
                            (over phone)
                            What the hell is going on? We’re
                            hearing there’s been another
                            murder.

                            JACK
                            He’s back.

                            INTERCUT THE REST OF THE CALL

                            KARLA
                            Jesus fucking christ. What do we
                            know?

                            JACK
                            Nothing I can tell you right now,
                            there’s a lot of moving pieces, so
                            you’re going to have to trust me.

                            KARLA
                            Don’t fuck this up Jack. Your whole
                            world is riding on this.
                            94.


                            He glances towards Reid.

                            JACK
                            You don’t have to tell me.

                            Hangs up.

                            Jack squirms in his seat. Reid notices.

                            REID
                            You OK Jack? You look a little
                            rattled.

                            JACK
                            I’m fine.

                            Reid doesn’t believe him. Enjoys the moment.

                            REID
                            If you say so.

                            Reid makes a phone call. Someone answers.

                            REID
                            Hey, it’s me. I need another favor.


                            EXT. UCLA MEDICAL CENTER/PARKING LOT - NIGHT

                            The Crown Vic screeches up to the back of the hospital.

                            Reid exits, pure adrenaline, beelines it across the parking
                            lot towards a back service entrance.

                            Jack follows a few steps behind her, looking around the
                            parking lot to see if anyone else is out here.

                            Just them. Perfect.

                            Reid pulls out her phone. Dials.

                            Jack pulls out his RAZOR KNIFE. Clicks it open. Keeps it low
                            and close to his body.

                            Moves in closer behind Reid.

                            Someone answers the phone.

                            REID
                            (into phone)
                            We’re here. Walking up to the door
                            now. Thanks.

                            Jack takes a firm grip on the knife. Here we go.
                            95.


                            Reid is almost at the door.

                            It’s now or never Jack.

                            He raises the knife, a wicked glint in his eye.

                            Reaches for Reid with his other hand, but then-

                            THE DOOR SNAPS OPENS

                            Jack recoils, swings the knife down to his side out of sight.

                            ANA

                            Standing just inside the door with an ARMED SECURITY GUARD.

                            Jack clicks the blade closed.

                            Slips it into his pocket.

                            ANA
                            Hey.

                            REID
                            Thanks for this.

                            Ana gives Jack a quick glance, then back to Reid.

                            Did she see the knife?

                            ANA
                            Anytime. Follow me.

                            Nope. They follow Ana.

                            Jack’s frustration growing.


                            INT. UCLA MEDICAL CENTER/CLOSED WING - NIGHT

                            They walk through an empty medical wing.

                            ANA
                            This wing is closed for upgrades,
                            but it connects to the ER.

                            They reach the door leading to the ER.

                            ANA
                            No one will see you going in. Rest
                            is up to you. Good luck.

                            REID
                            She’s gonna’ need it.
                            96.
                            Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

                            Summary Reid and Jack, driving with lights flashing and siren on, receive important calls while en route to the UCLA Medical Center. Reid learns about a DNA match from Alex, while Jack's boss, Karla, expresses anger over another murder. Upon arrival, they meet Ana who guides them to a closed wing connected to the ER. The conflict between catching the suspect and Karla's frustration remains unresolved. Reid advises Jack not to disclose information about Alison and makes a mysterious phone call seeking a favor. The scene ends with Reid and Jack ready to continue their investigation in the closed wing of the hospital.
                            Strengths
                            • Tense and suspenseful atmosphere
                            • Sharp dialogue
                            • Plot twist
                            Weaknesses

                              Ratings
                              Overall

                              Overall: 9

                              The scene is highly engaging and suspenseful, with a major plot twist that adds intrigue and raises the stakes.


                              Story Content

                              Concept: 8

                              The concept of breaking into a hospital to gather evidence is unique and adds tension to the story.

                              Plot: 9

                              The plot is well-developed and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The revelation of the suspect's identity adds a new layer of complexity to the story.

                              Originality: 6

                              The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the overall situation of a crime investigation is familiar, the specific actions and dialogue of the characters feel authentic and fresh. The use of technology for DNA matching and the presence of media add unique elements to the scene.


                              Character Development

                              Characters: 8

                              The characters are well-defined and their actions and dialogue contribute to the tension and suspense of the scene.

                              Character Changes: 7

                              While there is not significant character development in this scene, the revelation of the suspect's identity has an impact on the characters' motivations and actions.

                              Internal Goal: 8

                              The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to catch the suspect and solve the case. This reflects her desire for justice and her need to prove herself as a competent investigator.

                              External Goal: 9

                              The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to enter the hospital unnoticed and continue the investigation. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining secrecy and avoiding media attention.


                              Scene Elements

                              Conflict Level: 9

                              The conflict in the scene is intense, with the protagonist and her partner facing multiple challenges and obstacles.

                              Opposition: 8

                              The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges such as media attention and the need for secrecy. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

                              High Stakes: 10

                              The stakes are high in this scene as the protagonist and her partner risk their careers and safety to gather evidence and catch the suspect.

                              Story Forward: 9

                              The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the suspect and setting up the next phase of the investigation.

                              Unpredictability: 7

                              This scene is unpredictable because it introduces new information and unexpected obstacles. The revelation of the suspect's identity and the presence of armed security create uncertainty and tension.

                              Philosophical Conflict: 0

                              There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                              Audience Engagement

                              Emotional Impact: 8

                              The scene evokes a sense of urgency and tension, keeping the audience emotionally engaged.

                              Dialogue: 9

                              The dialogue is sharp and reveals important information about the plot and characters. It also adds to the tension and suspense of the scene.

                              Engagement: 9

                              This scene is engaging because it is filled with suspense and action. The fast-paced dialogue and the characters' high-stakes goals keep the audience invested in the outcome.

                              Pacing: 9

                              The pacing of this scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and suspense. The quick dialogue exchanges and the characters' actions create a fast-paced rhythm.


                              Technical Aspect

                              Formatting: 9

                              The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions.

                              Structure: 8

                              The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and then moves into a series of dialogue exchanges and actions.


                              Critique
                              • The scene starts with Reid driving with a tight grip on the wheel, which conveys her determination and focus. However, the dialogue between Reid and Sally in voiceover feels disconnected from the action and doesn't add much to the scene. It could be removed to streamline the scene.
                              • The conversation between Reid and Jack about having a suspect and a witness feels rushed and lacks depth. It would be more effective to explore their emotions and reactions in more detail, especially considering the tense and urgent tone of the scene.
                              • The phone call between Reid and Alex about the DNA match is important information, but the dialogue feels a bit flat. Adding more urgency and excitement to their conversation would heighten the tension and make the scene more engaging.
                              • The interaction between Reid and Jack regarding the DNA hit and Jack's phone call with Karla is intriguing, but it could benefit from more subtext and emotional depth. Exploring their conflicting loyalties and the weight of the situation would add complexity to their characters and enhance the scene.
                              • Reid's phone call at the end of the scene feels abrupt and lacks context. Providing more information about who she is calling and why it's important would help the audience understand the significance of the moment.
                              Suggestions
                              • Consider removing the dialogue between Reid and Sally in voiceover to streamline the scene and maintain focus on the main conflict.
                              • Expand on the conversation between Reid and Jack to delve deeper into their emotions and reactions, adding more complexity to their characters.
                              • Add more urgency and excitement to the phone call between Reid and Alex to heighten the tension and engage the audience.
                              • Explore the conflicting loyalties and emotional weight in the interaction between Reid and Jack regarding the DNA hit and Jack's phone call with Karla.
                              • Provide more context and information about Reid's phone call at the end of the scene to help the audience understand its significance.



                              Scene 26 -  Apologies and Reassurances
                              INT. UCLA MEDICAL CENTER/ER - NIGHT

                              Reid and Jack weave through the busy trauma bay as Doctors
                              and Nurses scramble to take care of their patients.

                              Reid marches up to the Nurses Station. Discreetly shows the
                              HEAD NURSE her badge.

                              REID
                              Detective Reid, LA Homicide. I need
                              to see Jane Doe. She just came out
                              of surgery.

                              HEAD NURSE
                              Which is exactly why you can’t see
                              her.

                              Reid, patience wearing thin, raises her voice.

                              REID
                              She’s a witness in a homicide. I
                              have to speak with her.

                              But our Head Nurse isn’t having it. Not tonight.

                              HEAD NURSE
                              What you have to do is take it up
                              with her Surgeon.

                              REID
                              And where is he?

                              HEAD NURSE
                              SHE is in surgery. You have your
                              protocols Detective and we have
                              ours. Have a seat. I’ll call you as
                              soon as she’s out.

                              Reid shifts to humble. Softer.

                              REID
                              Thank you, I appreciate it.

                              HEAD NURSE
                              Well, you’re the first one tonight.

                              She points without looking.

                              HEAD NURSE
                              Waiting room is on the other side
                              of the elevators. Get comfortable.
                              Might be a while.
                              97.


                              Reid moves towards the waiting area, passing the private
                              intensive care unit hallway.

                              She glances down the hall, sees a UNIFORMED OFFICER standing
                              guard outside Alison’s room.

                              She looks back to the Nurses station. The Head Nurse is gone.
                              Perfect. She moves-


                              INT. PRIVATE ICU HALLWAY - NIGHT

                              Towards Alison’s room. Jack follows. OFFICER PULOS, a few
                              years away from his pension, at the door. Reid knows him.

                              REID
                              She awake?

                              PULOS
                              Not since she got here.

                              REID
                              I need to talk to her.

                              PULOS
                              Doc ain’t gonna’ like that.

                              REID
                              Well, I don’t see the Doc, do you?

                              PULOS
                              Nurse Ratched isn’t going to like
                              it either. And she scares me a lot
                              more than the Doc.

                              Reid pulls Pulos aside, whispers something to him that we
                              don’t hear. He nods in agreement.

                              Then, so Jack can hear-

                              REID
                              Keep him here. I don’t want him
                              talking to anybody.

                              JACK
                              I have a right to know-

                              With one last glance down the hall, and without taking her
                              eyes off Jack-

                              REID
                              You’ll know when I say you know.

                              - she slips into-
                              98.


                              INT. ICU/ALISON’S ROOM - NIGHT

                              Alison’s room. Private. Just her.

                              Reid gently closes the sliding-glass door behind her. Takes
                              it in. The whir and beeps of medical equipment.

                              Alison is hooked up to several machines monitoring her
                              vitals. IV bags running into her arms.

                              This doesn’t look good. What the hell is Reid doing?

                              She softens, the adrenaline melting away.

                              Sits next to Alison’s bed and gently takes her hand,
                              caressing it more than holding it.

                              Blinks away a tear, and softly says-

                              REID
                              I am so sorry Alison. This is all
                              my fault. My obsession, my ego
                              blinded me to the truth. I was so
                              sure, and I was the hero, right up
                              until I wasn’t. I don’t know if I
                              even make a difference anymore, or
                              if I’m just part of it. And I
                              accept that. What I won’t accept
                              are my actions that put you here.
                              And I will do everything I can to
                              make this right. I promise, I will
                              make this right.

                              Reid realizes someone’s been standing at the door. She turns
                              to find-

                              DEREK COLLINS. Alison’s brother. There’s a calm sadness about
                              him.

                              REID
                              How long have you been standing
                              there?

                              DEREK
                              Long enough. And for the record, we
                              never blamed you.

                              Reid nods. “Thanks”.


                              INT. ICU HALLWAY - NIGHT

                              Jack, desperate to know what’s going on in Alison’s room. A
                              wounded animal pacing in his cage.
                              99.


                              Pulos notices.

                              PULOS
                              You OK?

                              JACK
                              I will be.

                              Jack makes a move towards the room.

                              Pulos steps in front of him. Holds up his hand to stop him.

                              PULOS
                              I’m gonna’ need you to take a step
                              back.

                              JACK
                              I just-

                              Pulos steps towards him.

                              PULOS
                              Take a step back. NOW.

                              Jack doesn’t like being told what to do but-

                              He complies.

                              PULOS
                              Relax. It’s gonna’ be a minute.

                              Jack waves it off. Steps away from the door.

                              JACK
                              No problem.

                              Pulos studies him.

                              PULOS
                              Didn’t think so.
                              Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

                              Summary Reid attempts to visit Jane Doe and Alison at the UCLA Medical Center's ER, but is denied access by the head nurse. In the waiting room, Reid manages to sneak into Alison's private ICU room to apologize to her. However, Alison's brother, Derek, appears and assures Reid that they never blamed her. Meanwhile, Jack is prevented from entering Alison's room by Officer Pulos. The scene concludes with Jack being kept away from Alison's room.
                              Strengths
                              • Emotional depth
                              • Strong dialogue
                              • Character development
                              Weaknesses

                                Ratings
                                Overall

                                Overall: 9

                                The scene is well-written and effectively conveys the emotional weight of the situation. The dialogue is strong, and the tension between Reid and the Head Nurse adds conflict. The emotional impact is high, and the scene moves the story forward by showing Reid's personal growth and commitment to solving the case.


                                Story Content

                                Concept: 8

                                The concept of Reid apologizing to Alison and taking responsibility for her actions is compelling and adds depth to the character development.

                                Plot: 9

                                The plot is advanced as Reid gains access to Alison's room and has a heartfelt conversation with her. The tension between Reid and the Head Nurse adds conflict and raises the stakes.

                                Originality: 6

                                The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the hospital setting and the conflict between the protagonist and the Head Nurse are familiar elements, the specific dynamics and interactions between the characters bring a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


                                Character Development

                                Characters: 9

                                The characters are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are effectively conveyed. Reid's apology and Alison's brother's reassurance show their depth and complexity.

                                Character Changes: 9

                                Reid undergoes a significant character change as she takes responsibility for her actions and expresses her determination to make things right.

                                Internal Goal: 8

                                The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to make amends and take responsibility for her actions that put Alison in the hospital. It reflects her deeper need for redemption, her fear of not making a difference anymore, and her desire to make things right.

                                External Goal: 7

                                The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to talk to Alison, who is a witness in a homicide case. It reflects the immediate circumstance of needing information from Alison to solve the case.


                                Scene Elements

                                Conflict Level: 8

                                There is conflict between Reid and the Head Nurse, as well as internal conflict within Reid as she grapples with her mistakes.

                                Opposition: 8

                                The opposition in the scene is strong, as the Head Nurse and the protocols of the hospital create obstacles for the protagonist. The audience doesn't know how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles, adding to the tension and conflict.

                                High Stakes: 8

                                The stakes are high as Reid realizes the consequences of her actions and is determined to make things right. The tension between Reid and the Head Nurse adds to the stakes.

                                Story Forward: 9

                                The scene moves the story forward by showing Reid's personal growth and commitment to solving the case. It also introduces Alison's brother as a supportive character.

                                Unpredictability: 7

                                This scene is unpredictable because it introduces obstacles and challenges for the protagonist, such as the Head Nurse's refusal and the presence of the Uniformed Officer. The audience doesn't know how the protagonist will navigate these obstacles and achieve her goal.

                                Philosophical Conflict: 0

                                There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                                Audience Engagement

                                Emotional Impact: 10

                                The scene is highly emotional, with Reid expressing regret and determination, and Alison's brother offering reassurance. The emotional impact is powerful and resonates with the audience.

                                Dialogue: 9

                                The dialogue is strong and effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts between the characters. Reid's apology and Alison's brother's reassurance are particularly impactful.

                                Engagement: 9

                                This scene is engaging because it presents a conflict between the protagonist and the Head Nurse, creating tension and curiosity about how the protagonist will overcome the obstacle to speak with Alison. The emotional depth and vulnerability in the protagonist's dialogue also contribute to the engagement.

                                Pacing: 8

                                The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and emotional depth with moments of reflection and vulnerability. It allows the audience to feel the urgency of the situation while also providing space for character development.


                                Technical Aspect

                                Formatting: 9

                                The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

                                Structure: 8

                                The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the conflict, and progresses the narrative through dialogue and character actions.


                                Critique
                                • The scene starts off with a strong sense of urgency and conflict as Reid tries to see Jane Doe, a witness in a homicide, but is denied access by the head nurse. This conflict sets up the emotional tone of the scene and creates tension.
                                • The dialogue between Reid and the head nurse effectively conveys their opposing goals and the power dynamic between them. However, the dialogue could be tightened to make it more impactful and concise.
                                • The shift in Reid's approach from assertive to humble is a good character moment, showing her ability to adapt and negotiate. This adds depth to her character and makes her more relatable.
                                • The visual description of the busy trauma bay and the private ICU hallway helps to create a vivid and immersive setting. It adds to the overall tone and atmosphere of the scene.
                                • Reid's interaction with Officer Pulos adds another layer of conflict and tension. Their dialogue reveals their history and establishes Pulos as a potential obstacle for Reid.
                                • The emotional moment between Reid and Alison in the ICU room is a powerful and poignant scene. It showcases Reid's vulnerability and remorse, and deepens the emotional stakes of the story.
                                • The introduction of Derek Collins, Alison's brother, adds a new dynamic to the scene and provides a different perspective on Reid's actions. It adds depth to the characters and their relationships.
                                • The pacing of the scene is generally good, with a good balance of dialogue and action. The tension and urgency are maintained throughout.
                                • Overall, the scene effectively advances the plot and develops the characters, while maintaining a sense of urgency and tension.
                                Suggestions
                                • Consider tightening the dialogue between Reid and the head nurse to make it more impactful and concise. Focus on the key points of conflict and negotiation.
                                • Explore ways to enhance the visual description of the busy trauma bay and the private ICU hallway to further immerse the reader in the setting.
                                • Consider adding more subtext and tension to the interaction between Reid and Officer Pulos. This could be achieved through subtle gestures, body language, or dialogue.
                                • Continue to explore the emotional depth of Reid's character and her relationships with other characters. This will add complexity and richness to the story.
                                • Consider adding more internal thoughts and emotions for Reid during her interaction with Alison in the ICU room. This will allow the reader to further connect with her and understand her internal struggle.
                                • Ensure that the pacing remains consistent throughout the scene, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and emotional moments.
                                • Consider adding a cliffhanger or a small twist at the end of the scene to keep the reader engaged and eager to continue reading.



                                Scene 27 -  A Desperate Hope
                                INT. ICU/ALISON’S ROOM - NIGHT

                                Reid, anguished, hoping for a miracle.

                                DEREK
                                What if she doesn’t wake up?

                                That sinks in.

                                REID
                                She’ll wake up. She has to.
                                100.


                                Maybe she doesn’t believe it.

                                And that’s when Alison’s hand grabs Reid’s and squeezes.
                                TIGHT.

                                REID
                                Alison!

                                Her eyes flash open. She’s awake.

                                Reid leans in. Her ear a breath away from Alison’s lips.

                                Alison whispers something we struggle to hear, but can’t.

                                Alison’s body jerks tight, her back heaving and arching in
                                spasms as the monitors go crazy.

                                REID
                                Alison!

                                DOCTOR HARARI storms into the room, pissed.

                                DR HARARI
                                What are you doing here?

                                REID
                                This is her brother Derek-

                                DR HARARI
                                I know who he is. Who the hell are
                                you?

                                REID
                                Detective Reid, LA Homicide.

                                DR HARARI
                                Out. NOW!

                                Nurses and Doctors swarm into the room. Full on CODE BLUE.

                                Desperate.

                                REID
                                Let me explain.

                                DR HARARI
                                Get her out of here!

                                Derek takes Reid by the arm and leads her into the hallway.
                                Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

                                Summary Reid is in Alison's hospital room, hoping for a miracle. Derek asks what if she doesn't wake up and Reid insists she will. Alison suddenly grabs Reid's hand and wakes up, whispering something before going into spasms. Doctor Harari storms in and demands Reid leave. Nurses and doctors swarm in for a code blue. The conflict arises when Doctor Harari demands Reid leave, but Reid insists on explaining who she is. The conflict is not resolved as Derek leads Reid out of the room. The scene ends with Derek leading Reid out of the room as nurses and doctors swarm in for a code blue.
                                Strengths
                                • Strong emotional impact
                                • Tension and suspense
                                • Compelling dialogue
                                Weaknesses

                                  Ratings
                                  Overall

                                  Overall: 9

                                  The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil of the protagonist and creates a sense of urgency and suspense. The dialogue and actions of the characters are compelling, and the unexpected twist adds an element of surprise.


                                  Story Content

                                  Concept: 8

                                  The concept of a loved one in a coma and the protagonist's desperate hope for their recovery is a familiar but emotionally resonant theme. The addition of the unexpected complications adds depth and tension to the scene.

                                  Plot: 9

                                  The plot of the scene revolves around the protagonist's desperate hope for the awakening of their loved one and the unexpected complications that arise. The pacing is well-executed, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

                                  Originality: 6

                                  The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and situation are familiar (a hospital ICU room and a medical emergency), the specific dialogue and character interactions bring a fresh approach to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


                                  Character Development

                                  Characters: 9

                                  The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotions and motivations are clearly conveyed. The protagonist's anguish and determination, as well as the doctor's frustration, create a strong emotional connection with the audience.

                                  Character Changes: 8

                                  The protagonist experiences a shift in their emotions from despair to hope when Alison wakes up. The doctor's initial anger towards the protagonist also hints at a potential change in their attitude.

                                  Internal Goal: 8

                                  The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to have Alison wake up. This reflects their deeper need for her to be alive and their fear of losing her. It also reflects their desire for a positive outcome in a difficult situation.

                                  External Goal: 7

                                  The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to explain their presence to the doctor and be allowed to stay in the room. This reflects the immediate challenge of being questioned and potentially kicked out of the room.


                                  Scene Elements

                                  Conflict Level: 9

                                  The conflict in the scene arises from the protagonist's desperate hope for their loved one's awakening and the doctor's resistance to their presence. The unexpected complications further escalate the conflict.

                                  Opposition: 8

                                  The opposition in this scene is strong, as the doctor opposes Reid's presence in the room and demands that she leave. This creates a small obstacle for the protagonist and adds tension to the scene.

                                  High Stakes: 10

                                  The stakes in the scene are high as the protagonist's loved one's life hangs in the balance. The unexpected complications and the doctor's hostility increase the tension and urgency.

                                  Story Forward: 9

                                  The scene moves the story forward by resolving the uncertainty surrounding Alison's condition and introducing new complications. It raises questions about the cause of Alison's spasms and the doctor's hostility towards the protagonist.

                                  Unpredictability: 7

                                  This scene is unpredictable because it starts with the hope that Alison will wake up, but then takes a sudden turn with her seizing and the doctor's angry reaction. The audience doesn't know how the situation will unfold.

                                  Philosophical Conflict: 0

                                  There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


                                  Audience Engagement

                                  Emotional Impact: 10

                                  The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, ranging from hope and fear to relief and shock. The sudden awakening of Alison and the subsequent spasms create a powerful emotional impact.

                                  Dialogue: 8

                                  The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and tensions between the characters. The whispered line from Alison adds intrigue and raises questions about her condition.

                                  Engagement: 9

                                  This scene is engaging because it starts with a sense of hope and anticipation, then quickly introduces a conflict and raises the stakes with Alison's sudden medical emergency. The dialogue and actions create tension and keep the audience invested in the outcome.

                                  Pacing: 9

                                  The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by starting with a slower, hopeful tone and then quickly escalating with Alison's seizure and the doctor's angry reaction. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the scene moving at a fast pace.


                                  Technical Aspect

                                  Formatting: 9

                                  The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses standard scene headings, character names in uppercase, and dialogue formatted correctly.

                                  Structure: 8

                                  The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a location and time description, followed by character actions and dialogue exchanges. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end.


                                  Critique
                                  • The scene lacks clear transitions between actions and dialogue, making it feel disjointed and confusing.
                                  • The dialogue is minimal and lacks depth, leaving the characters' emotions and motivations unclear.
                                  • The description of Alison's awakening and subsequent spasms is rushed and lacks detail, making it difficult for the reader to visualize the scene.
                                  • The introduction of Doctor Harari feels abrupt and lacks context, leaving the reader wondering who this character is and why they are angry.
                                  • The conflict between Reid and Doctor Harari is not fully explored or resolved, leaving the scene feeling unresolved.
                                  • The scene lacks visual elements and actions that could enhance the tension and emotion of the moment.
                                  • The transition from the ICU room to the hallway is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition.
                                  Suggestions
                                  • Provide clearer transitions between actions and dialogue to improve the flow of the scene.
                                  • Develop the dialogue to better convey the characters' emotions and motivations, adding depth to their interactions.
                                  • Expand on the description of Alison's awakening and spasms, using sensory details to create a vivid and engaging visual image.
                                  • Introduce Doctor Harari earlier in the scene to establish their presence and build tension before their confrontation with Reid.
                                  • Explore the conflict between Reid and Doctor Harari further, allowing for a more satisfying resolution or escalation of tension.
                                  • Include more visual elements and actions to enhance the tension and emotion of the scene, such as the reactions of the nurses and doctors during the code blue.
                                  • Smoothly transition from the ICU room to the hallway, providing a clear and logical progression of events.



                                  Scene 28 -  The Confrontation
                                  INT. PRIVATE ICU HALLWAY - NIGHT

                                  Reid, frustrated, exits with Derek.
                                  101.


                                  Jack paces back and forth.

                                  JACK
                                  How is she?

                                  Reid, eyes narrowing.

                                  REID
                                  It’s killing you isn’t it? Not
                                  knowing.

                                  JACK
                                  Believe me, I know exactly how this
                                  is going to end.

                                  Time for Reid to play her hand.

                                  REID
                                  She’s awake.

                                  That gets his attention.

                                  JACK
                                  Talking?

                                  REID
                                  Yep.

                                  JACK
                                  So, who is it?

                                  Reid stares right through him, possessed.

                                  REID
                                  YOU. She said it was you.

                                  Jack is stopped short, stays calm, trying not to let on what
                                  he’s thinking, what he’s feeling, but-

                                  He can’t help himself.

                                  A fucked-up thin-lipped smile creeps across his face.

                                  JACK
                                  Took you long enough.

                                  REID
                                  You’re so fucking smart. Had us
                                  fooled all these years.

                                  JACK
                                  “What is, right under your nose?”
                                  102.


                                  Reid launches at him. Pure adrenaline. Shoves him against the
                                  wall. Gets in his face.

                                  REID
                                  You thought you could control me,
                                  manipulate me, well guess what,
                                  where you’re going every second of
                                  your life will be controlled by
                                  somebody else. What you wear, what
                                  you eat, when you sleep. And you’ll
                                  do what you’re told, like a good
                                  little boy, because you are
                                  nothing.

                                  She throws him down the wall.

                                  REID
                                  Cuff this asshole.

                                  Pulos reaches for his cuffs, but-

                                  Jack spins on him, puts him in a choke hold and grabs his
                                  gun.

                                  Reid draws her gun.

                                  Jack snaps the barrel towards Reid’s head.

                                  She doesn’t even flinch, smiles, she’s got him.

                                  REID
                                  There’s no bullets in it.

                                  Jack’s finger tightens around the trigger.

                                  Reid throws a glance towards the security camera on the
                                  ceiling.

                                  REID
                                  But go ahead, give me a reason.

                                  He processes that, running the odds in his head.

                                  JACK
                                  You’re lying.

                                  REID
                                  Then pull it.

                                  Reid inches towards him, gun raised high and crisp.

                                  His face darkens, dangerously silent.
                                  103.


                                  REID
                                  It’s over Jack. Pull it.

                                  Jack’s careful facade is cracking.

                                  JACK
                                  I’m not an idiot.

                                  She steps closer. She’s stronger than him.

                                  REID
                                  You’re nothing.

                                  She takes another step as Jack-

                                  Pulls the trigger.

                                  CLICK. Nothing.

                                  He pulls it again, CLICK, CLICK, CLICK. Still nothing.

                                  REID
                                  Oops. You must really hate me right
                                  now.

                                  He cranks his arm tight around Pulos’ neck, drops the gun and
                                  grabs the razor knife from his coat pocket.

                                  Snaps it open. Presses it against Pulos’ neck, his anger
                                  building.

                                  JACK
                                  Alison was so tough hidden behind
                                  her computer screen, but in the end
                                  she was scared and weak, begging
                                  for her life.

                                  REID
                                  Alison is a fighter. You’re just a
                                  coward.

                                  JACK
                                  So, end it. You know you want to.

                                  Reid realizes how close she is to killing him, masters her
                                  rage, lets the slightest amount of pressure off the trigger.

                                  REID
                                  No, I want you to rot knowing that
                                  Alison got you, that Ana got you,
                                  and that I fucking played you.

                                  Jack’s voice tightens. Shakes his head.
                                  104.


                                  JACK
                                  You were right about them
                                  forgetting about me before, but
                                  THIS? This they’ll never forget.
                                  It’s gonna’ be a best seller.

                                  REID
                                  Still tapping on the glass, begging
                                  to be let in. You’re pathetic.

                                  JACK
                                  What can I say? My golf game was
                                  weak, but my kill game was strong.

                                  Reid explodes towards him, but Jack is ready and-

                                  SLASHES HER ARM WITH THE RAZOR.

                                  Pulos elbows Jack in the face. CRACK.

                                  Jack stumbles back, holding on to the razor.

                                  Pulos slams the mag back into his gun, chambers a round, and
                                  snaps the barrel towards Jack.

                                  Reid recovers, arm dripping blood, retrains her gun on Jack.

                                  Waves off Pulos.

                                  REID
                                  I got you mutherfucker.

                                  JACK
                                  You don’t have shit.

                                  REID
                                  I have your DNA and fingerprints
                                  from the bottle of Coke you had at
                                  El Compadre. They match. I have
                                  your fingerprints at Garrett’s
                                  house. They’ll match too.

                                  JACK
                                  I was with you at Garret’s, of
                                  course they’re going to find my
                                  prints.

                                  REID
                                  On the gun?

                                  Jack feels the noose tightening. Defiant.
                                  105.


                                  JACK
                                  Won’t be enough after you fucked up
                                  last time. You need my confession,
                                  in writing or-

                                  REID
                                  Recorded?

                                  Reid opens her shirt just enough to reveal-

                                  The TINY MICROPHONE taped to her chest.

                                  She’s been wired the whole time. She smiles.

                                  REID
                                  Got that too.

                                  She fucking played him alright.

                                  Jack remembers their earlier conversation. A little chuckle.

                                  JACK
                                  The theater of interrogation. You
                                  took your time, didn’t rush it-

                                  REID
                                  Gained your confidence.

                                  JACK
                                  Lulled me into your trap.

                                  REID
                                  You got comfortable, dropped your
                                  defenses-

                                  JACK
                                  And bam, just like that, you’re
                                  exactly where I want you.

                                  That lands. Reid’s finger tightens around the trigger.

                                  REID
                                  I got you. It’s over. So tell me.
                                  WHY?

                                  JACK
                                  I already told you. I just give the
                                  people what they want.

                                  Jack smiles his fucked up thin-lipped smile.

                                  JACK
                                  You don’t exist without people like
                                  me.
                                  106.


                                  Reid, adrenaline racing through her veins.

                                  REID
                                  I’ll manage.

                                  Fighting every impulse to shoot him and end this.

                                  REID
                                  Was it worth it?

                                  A thin-lipped smile crawls across Jack’s face.

                                  JACK
                                  You tell me.

                                  She takes that in. Doesn’t answer.

                                  One last card to play.

                                  JACK
                                  Don’t you want to know about the
                                  others?

                                  REID
                                  What others?

                                  JACK
                                  The ones you didn’t find.

                                  Jack swings the razor towards his own throat and-

                                  SLASHES IT FROM EAR TO EAR.

                                  The razor knife clanks to the floor.

                                  Jack’s head rolls back as he tips out of frame and thuds to
                                  the floor.

                                  Pulos races into a patient room to hit the CODE BLUE alarm on
                                  the wall, when-

                                  Reid grabs Pulos’ hand and stops him.

                                  REID
                                  It ends here.

                                  PULOS
                                  What about the others?

                                  REID
                                  There aren’t any. He would have
                                  made sure we found them. But now
                                  there won’t be.
                                  107.


                                  Pulos nods. A silent pact made between them.

                                  We float away from Reid standing over Jack’s lifeless body.

                                  She leans against the wall, exhausted. It’s over. It’s
                                  finally over. She kept her promise. She got him.
                                  Genres: ["Thriller","Mystery"]

                                  Summary Reid confronts Jack in a private ICU hallway at night, frustrated with his manipulation. She reveals that she knows he is the one who woke up. Jack taunts Reid about her failures, leading to a physical altercation. Jack manages to grab a razor knife and slashes Reid's arm. Pulos intervenes and holds Jack at gunpoint. Reid reveals she has evidence against Jack and that she was wired the whole time. In a shocking turn, Jack slashes his own throat with the razor knife and dies. Reid stops Pulos from calling for help, and they make a pact to keep the evidence a secret. Exhausted but relieved, Reid leans against the wall, knowing it's finally over.
                                  Strengths
                                  • Intense dialogue
                                  • Surprising twist ending
                                  • Strong character dynamics
                                  Weaknesses
                                  • Some cliched elements in the genre

                                  Ratings
                                  Overall

                                  Overall: 9

                                  The scene is highly engaging and suspenseful, with intense dialogue and a surprising twist ending that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


                                  Story Content

                                  Concept: 8

                                  The concept of a final confrontation between the protagonist and antagonist is a common trope in thriller films, but the twist ending adds a unique element to the scene.

                                  Plot: 9

                                  The plot of the scene revolves around the revelation of the antagonist's true identity and the protagonist's plan to expose him. The tension and conflict between the characters drive the scene forward.

                                  Originality: 6

                                  The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the overall situation of a confrontation between the protagonist and antagonist is familiar, the specific dialogue and actions of the characters provide fresh approaches to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


                                  Character Development

                                  Characters: 9

                                  The characters in the scene, particularly Reid and Jack, are well-developed and their motivations and emotions are clearly portrayed. Their confrontation and dialogue reveal their complex relationship and add depth to the scene.

                                  Character Changes: 8

                                  Reid undergoes a transformation in this scene, from a frustrated and angry individual to a confident and victorious protagonist. Jack, on the other hand, remains consistent in his manipulative and arrogant nature.

                                  Internal Goal: 8

                                  The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront and expose the antagonist for his manipulative actions. This reflects her need for justice and her desire to protect others from being controlled and manipulated.

                                  External Goal: 7

                                  The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to apprehend the antagonist and bring him to justice. This reflects the immediate challenge of stopping the antagonist's harmful actions and ensuring the safety of others.


                                  Scene Elements

                                  Conflict Level: 10

                                  The conflict between Reid and Jack is intense and reaches its peak in this scene. Their physical confrontation and verbal sparring create a high level of tension and suspense.

                                  Opposition: 8

                                  The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist and antagonist engage in a physical and verbal confrontation. The audience is unsure of the outcome, adding to the tension and suspense.

                                  High Stakes: 10

                                  The stakes in the scene are extremely high, as the protagonist's life is in danger and the truth about the antagonist's crimes is at stake. The outcome of the confrontation has significant consequences for the characters and the overall story.

                                  Story Forward: 9

                                  The scene moves the story forward by resolving the conflict between Reid and Jack and revealing the truth about the antagonist. It sets up the final resolution and conclusion of the screenplay.

                                  Unpredictability: 7

                                  This scene is unpredictable because the actions and dialogue of the characters keep the audience guessing about the outcome. The unexpected twists and turns add to the suspense and engagement.

                                  Philosophical Conflict: 9

                                  There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist and the antagonist. The conflict revolves around the protagonist's belief in justice and the antagonist's belief in manipulation and control. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.


                                  Audience Engagement

                                  Emotional Impact: 9

                                  The scene elicits strong emotions from the audience, including suspense, anger, and satisfaction. The intense confrontation and the protagonist's triumph over the antagonist create a powerful emotional impact.

                                  Dialogue: 10

                                  The dialogue in the scene is intense, confrontational, and filled with subtext. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions, motivations, and the power dynamics between them.

                                  Engagement: 9

                                  This scene is engaging because it is filled with tension and suspense. The intense confrontation between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome. The sharp dialogue and vivid descriptions also contribute to the engagement.

                                  Pacing: 9

                                  The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast and intense rhythm. The dialogue and actions are well-timed, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.


                                  Technical Aspect

                                  Formatting: 9

                                  The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, character names, and dialogue are properly formatted. The action lines effectively convey the characters' movements and emotions.

                                  Structure: 8

                                  The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a clear setting and introduces the characters' goals and conflicts. The scene progresses with escalating tension and ends with a resolution.


                                  Critique
                                  • The scene starts off with Reid and Derek exiting the ICU hallway, but it is not clear why Reid is frustrated. It would be helpful to provide some context or dialogue to explain her frustration.
                                  • The dialogue between Reid and Jack lacks depth and emotional impact. It feels rushed and could benefit from more tension and subtext.
                                  • The action and dialogue in the scene are quite repetitive. There is a lot of back and forth between Reid and Jack, but it doesn't add much to the overall conflict or character development.
                                  • The scene lacks visual elements and actions that could enhance the tension and urgency. It mostly relies on dialogue to convey the emotions and conflicts.
                                  • The resolution of the conflict between Reid and Jack feels abrupt and unsatisfying. It would be more impactful to have a clearer resolution or consequence for their actions.
                                  Suggestions
                                  • Provide more context or dialogue to explain Reid's frustration at the beginning of the scene.
                                  • Revise the dialogue between Reid and Jack to add depth, tension, and subtext. Explore their emotions and motivations more effectively.
                                  • Consider adding more visual elements and actions to enhance the tension and urgency of the scene. Show the characters' physical reactions and movements.
                                  • Reconsider the resolution of the conflict between Reid and Jack. Explore different possibilities for a more impactful and satisfying resolution.
                                  • Consider adding more variety to the scene by incorporating different locations or changing the pacing to keep the audience engaged.



                                  Scene 29 - 
                                  INT. UCLA MEDICAL CENTER/ER PATIENT BAY - NIGHT

                                  A Doctor finishes stitching up Reid’s arm, Ana by her side.

                                  ANA
                                  Why do you keep doing this?

                                  REID
                                  I need an answer that lasts a
                                  little bit longer and does a little
                                  bit more than what I’ve come up
                                  with so far. But I’m tired.

                                  Ana places her hand on top of Reid’s.

                                  ANA
                                  You got him. Thank you.

                                  REID
                                  We got him.

                                  ANA
                                  I’ll go check on Alison.

                                  Reid grabs Ana’s hand. Holds it. Shakes her head.

                                  REID
                                  She didn’t make it.

                                  ANA
                                  So, she didn’t identify Jack?

                                  Reid shakes her head, no. A sad smile.

                                  REID
                                  She would have.

                                  The Doctor finishes. Erin stands up to leave.

                                  REID
                                  And Karma never heard of time.

                                  WE MOVE with Reid as Malloy finds her in the hallway.

                                  MALLOY
                                  Erin. You OK?
                                  108.


                                  REID
                                  Considering. But you were right.

                                  MALLOY
                                  About what?

                                  REID
                                  It is worth fighting for.

                                  Reid turns and heads for the door, Malloy watching her go.
                                  Over this-

                                  SALLY (VO)
                                  What if you just walked away?

                                  REID (VO)
                                  I would never do that.

                                  SALLY (VO)
                                  Why?

                                  REID (VO)
                                  Because then he’d win. And I won’t
                                  let that happen.

                                  She finally drops her guard and lets the pain in. Her jaw
                                  quivers, but only for a moment, then it’s game face time as-

                                  She walks through a sea of reporters without taking any
                                  questions, and we-

                                  FADE OUT.



                                  - THE END -
                                  Genres: ["Drama","Mystery"]

                                  Summary
                                  Strengths
                                  • Authentic portrayal of grief
                                  • Poignant dialogue
                                  • Strong emotional impact
                                  Weaknesses
                                  • Lack of external conflict

                                  Ratings
                                  Overall

                                  Overall: 9

                                  The scene effectively portrays the emotional impact of loss and the characters' determination to find closure and seek justice. The dialogue is poignant and the theme of resilience is well-executed.


                                  Story Content

                                  Concept: 8

                                  The concept of exploring grief and the pursuit of justice is compelling and engaging. It adds depth to the overall story and provides a satisfying resolution to the narrative.

                                  Plot: 8

                                  The plot revolves around the aftermath of a tragedy and the characters' emotional journey. It effectively showcases their resilience and determination, driving the story forward.

                                  Originality: 6

                                  The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the hospital setting and emotional conversations are familiar, the specific dynamics between the characters and the protagonist's internal conflict add a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the scene's originality.


                                  Character Development

                                  Characters: 9

                                  The characters are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed authentically. Their grief and determination make them relatable and compelling.

                                  Character Changes: 8

                                  The characters undergo emotional changes throughout the scene. They confront their grief and find strength in their determination, showcasing growth and resilience.

                                  Internal Goal: 8

                                  The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find answers and closure. It reflects their deeper need for understanding and their fear of not being able to solve the problem. They desire to bring justice and closure to the situation.

                                  External Goal: 7

                                  The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to inform Ana about Alison's death. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing, such as delivering difficult news and dealing with the emotional impact.


                                  Scene Elements

                                  Conflict Level: 6

                                  The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with their grief and determination. While there is no external conflict, the emotional turmoil adds tension to the scene.

                                  Opposition: 7

                                  The opposition in this scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty. The protagonist faces emotional challenges and the loss of a loved one, which adds obstacles to their goals. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these challenges.

                                  High Stakes: 7

                                  The stakes in the scene are high emotionally, as the characters are dealing with loss and seeking justice. While there is no immediate physical danger, the emotional impact is significant.

                                  Story Forward: 7

                                  The scene provides closure to the narrative by revealing the fate of a character and highlighting the characters' resolve to continue their pursuit of justice. While it doesn't introduce new plot developments, it concludes an important storyline.

                                  Unpredictability: 7

                                  This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected developments, such as Alison's death and the protagonist's determination to continue fighting. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold and what choices the characters will make.

                                  Philosophical Conflict: 6

                                  The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's belief in fighting for justice and not giving up, even in the face of adversity. This challenges their values and worldview, as they refuse to let the antagonist win.


                                  Audience Engagement

                                  Emotional Impact: 9

                                  The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly sadness and determination. The characters' grief and resilience resonate with the audience, creating a powerful emotional impact.

                                  Dialogue: 9

                                  The dialogue is heartfelt and impactful. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

                                  Engagement: 8

                                  This scene is engaging because it presents a dramatic and emotional moment. The dialogue and actions of the characters create tension and evoke empathy from the audience. The scene's emotional impact keeps the audience invested.

                                  Pacing: 8

                                  The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of emotional intensity with quieter moments of reflection. The rhythm of the dialogue and the progression of actions maintain the audience's engagement.


                                  Technical Aspect

                                  Formatting: 9

                                  The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, character names, dialogue formatting, and action lines. The scene is well-organized and easy to read.

                                  Structure: 9

                                  The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a specific location and time, introduces the characters, and progresses through their dialogue and actions. The scene has a clear beginning, middle, and end.


                                  Critique
                                  • The scene feels disconnected from the previous scenes and the overall plot. It seems like a random conversation between Reid and Ana that doesn't add much to the story.
                                  • The dialogue between Reid and Ana feels forced and unnatural. It doesn't flow well and doesn't reveal anything new about the characters or the plot.
                                  • The emotional impact of Alison's death is not fully explored or felt. It's mentioned briefly and then quickly moved on from.
                                  • The scene lacks visual elements and actions, making it feel static and uninteresting.
                                  • The ending feels abrupt and unsatisfying. It doesn't provide closure or resolution to the story.
                                  Suggestions
                                  • Consider cutting this scene altogether or finding a way to integrate it more seamlessly into the overall plot.
                                  • Rewrite the dialogue between Reid and Ana to make it more natural and meaningful. Use this scene as an opportunity to reveal something new about the characters or the plot.
                                  • Explore the emotional impact of Alison's death more fully. Show how it affects Reid and the other characters.
                                  • Add more visual elements and actions to make the scene more dynamic and engaging.
                                  • Rewrite the ending to provide more closure and resolution to the story. Consider tying up loose ends and showing the aftermath of the events that have transpired.