MONTAGE AS KIDS AROUND THE WORLD WATCH THE SAME YOUTUBE
VIDEO:
— A GIRL HIDES BEHIND A COUCH WATCHING HER PHONE, AS HER DAD
IS HYPNOTIZED BY THE TV.
— A BOY ON A LAPTOP GAZES AT THE VIDEO WHILE HIS PARENTS
ARGUE VIOLENTLY.
— 3 SIBLINGS, EACH SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER AT THE DINNER
TABLE. EACH WATCHING ON THEIR PHONE, WHILE THEIR MOM IS
OUTSIDE ON THE PORCH, SMOKING A CIGARETTE.
PENNY (V.O.)
Hey Guys! This is Penny.
CAPTAIN (V.O.)
And I’m Captain.
FADE IN:
EXT. A MODEST, WORKING CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD - MORNING
SUPERIMPOSE: CLEVELAND, OHIO
EXT. KAREN’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
INT. KAREN’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
We meander through a VERY SMALL, DISORGANIZED HOUSE. Dishes
piled. A dune of ungraded essays and unpaid bills on the
dining room table. Cozy chaos.
PENNY (V.O.)
And today, we’re sharing our
morning ritual, to make sure we can
squeeze as much life out of the day
as possible.
Besides the clutter, the home and décor are hopelessly
outdated. Wood paneling. Bad wallpaper. Afghan blankets. Old
lady furniture.
2.
INT. SIMONE’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
By contrast to the rest of the house, Karen’s daughter’s room
is a living Pinterest board. Clean, spare, modern and
organized; it has been meticulously appointed.
On the bed, SIMONE SCHITZLINGER, a cute, thin, well dressed
13 year old, sits transfixed by the YouTube video she is
watching on her tablet. She wears headphones, in her happy
place.
On the screen, PENELOPE (PENNY) BRIGHTON is sitting cross-
legged on a yoga mat in a spa-type setting. She is the
picture of ‘living your best life’: a cute, thin, dressed in
expensive yoga gear, and super-positive mom of forty.
PENNY
Ok, Captain. Let’s review our
morning checklist. First, wake up
at 5AM ...
CAPTAIN BRIGHTON is a slightly chubby eight year old boy,
wearing workout gear that matches his mom’s, and brand new
top of the line sneakers.
CAPTAIN
Dang. We can’t check that one off.
PENNY
Why not?
CAPTAIN
Because we got up at 4:30. Boom!
Mom and son dab each other up in celebration.
Simone checks the time: 7:09. Without looking up or removing
her headphones...
SIMONE
Hey Mom? Almost time to go!
We scan the house.
INT. KAREN’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
KAREN SCHITZLINGER, a harried, forty-something, Ruebenesque
working mom wearing a matted mask of her own long hair,
springs to life.
Karen looks frantically for the alarm clock, finally finding
it on the floor. Seeing the time...
3.
KAREN
Oh, motherpussbucket!!!!
Karen looks out the window to see the GARBAGE TRUCK roll up
in front of the house. See scans to see her trash cans parked
in their usual spot and not on the curb.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Wait!
EXT. KAREN’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Karen sprints, in her cozy nightshirt and bare feet out into
the yard and pushes the full trash bin down the driveway like
a blocking sled towards the garbage truck, which is slow
rolling to the neighbor’s house.
KAREN
What’s in this thing?
Despite the heavy bin, she doubles her efforts.
INT. SIMONE’S ROOM
Simon listens intently.
PENNY
5:15, High intensity interval
training. Getting the blood pumping
first thing releases endorphins,
which really enhances your mood.
EXT. KAREN’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Karen is grunting, sweating, and faux-swearing as she pushes
the cart uphill toward the truck.
KAREN
Stop! You cockwaffle!
For a moment, it looks like Karen is going to catch the
truck.
INT. SIMONE’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Simone listens to her guru...
PENNY
It’s so important to ease into the
day peacefully.
4.
In the window next to Simone, we see at a distance Karen
running full speed, until the bin hits a crack in the
sidewalk and suddenly slams to a halt. Karen’s momentum
carries her and the bin CRASHES OVER, spilling trash all over
the sidewalk and herself. Meanwhile, Karen rolls, ass over
teakettle, spilling out onto the sidewalk, her NIGHTSHIRT
OVER HER HEAD.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
2 -
Morning Madness
EXT. KAREN’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
The trash collectors get an eyeful of Karen’s backside and
HOOT with delight as they continue to drive away.
A retired neighbor walking his dog stares at Karen as she
stands up and pulls her shirt down to cover her southern
exposure and clean up the mess. The man stops as the dog
relieves itself on Karen’s lawn.
KAREN
What are you looking at? Melvin?
Melvin continues to stare.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Well, get your money’s worth
anyway.
Karen yanks up her shirt and moons Melvin as she storms back
to the house.
INT. KAREN’S BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
PENNY (V.O.)
We’ve had our cold plunge, followed
by our hot shower.
Karen freshens up in the sink. She applies extra deodorant
spray to be safe.
INT. KITCHEN
PENNY (V.O.)
We’ve had our breakfast. Eggs benny
with bananas foster.
Karen rifles through bare cabinets and a fridge full of
condiments, but little food. She settles on spreading peanut
butter on an uncooked, crunchy block of ramen noodles. She
looks at it suspiciously, then takes a big chomp and chokes
down the dry, hard noodles.
5.
CAPTAIN (V.O.)
Mmmmmm. Tasty!
INT. KAREN’S LAUNDRY ROOM - CONTINUOUS
PENNY (V.O.)
We did our laundry for the week on
Sunday, so we have a fresh ‘fit
ready to go.
Karen sniffs several tops and selects the least offensive
one.
INT. SIMONE’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
PENNY (V.O.)
Most of all, it’s important to make
time for self care. We meditate
every morning to release any
negative energy.
Behind Simone, Karen seems to be releasing lots of negative
energy, as he is gesturing and yelling something at her in
the doorway, but Simone can only hear Penny’s peaceful,
lilting voice.
PENNY (V.O)
Close your eyes. Focus on your
breathing. In. One... two...
three... four... Out.
KAREN
Simone!!!! We have to go!!!!
PENNY (V.O.)
So peaceful...
Simone tries to refocus. Karen bursts in, disturbing Simone’s
mental vacation.
KAREN
Simone!!!!!???? What the crap!!!!
What are you doing? We have to go.
I’m going to be late!!
Simone looks up, clinging to tranquility.
SIMONE
I have been ready for an hour. I’m
waiting for you. You should get a
morning routine going.
6.
Karen reads this as disrespect.
KAREN
Good for you. Amazing.
SIMONE
It is amazing. My routine is really
working for me. Helps me release
negative energy...
KAREN
That’s nice honey. Here’s my
routine. I teach all day. Come home
and manifest dinner every night,
because half the time I don’t know
where the money is coming from. Not
from your deadbeat quote-unquote
father. I drive you to orchestra
and drama club. Then I go to my
second job. Or PTO meetings. Or to
take care of grandma.
Karen looks to Simone, who has her headphones back on. She
isn’t listening. Karen takes them off.
SIMONE
Sorry... Were you saying something?
Karen is on a roll.
KAREN
By the time I get home, I am shot.
And I’m so overstimulated from the
day, I can’t get to sleep. My zen
bedtime ritual consists of alcohol.
Or pills. Or alcohol and pills. So
yeah, mornings are a challenge. For
example, this morning I forgot to
put the trash bins to the curb, and
ended up showing the neighborhood
my whole entire ass!
SIMONE
But you wore underwear to bed,
right?
Karen frowns.
KAREN
We both wish I could say that I
did. So yeah, I’ve got some
negative energy.
7.
Simone is already lost in her iPad and headphones, watching
another video. Noticing the tablet in her hands, Karen
snatches it.
SIMONE
The heck?!!!!
Karen fumbles with the tablet, disconnecting Simone’s
headphones, so she can hear the video.
KAREN
What’s so important that you don’t
need to listen to your mom?
An eerie DIDGERIDOO DRONE fills the silence. Karen tries to
shut the device off. She cannot.
KAREN (CONT'D)
How do I...? I think it’s broken,
it’s making this nightmarish
sound...
PENNY (V.O.)
Hey guys! It’s Captain and Penny,
coming to you from down under.
Captain, in an Australian bush hat pins both hands to his
cheeks and exclaims...
CAPTAIN
Crikey!
Karen looks at the screen and rolls her eyes, laughing.
KAREN
This is what you are wasting your
time watching? What is this?
Simone stands up, calmly taking the phone.
SIMONE
Captain and Penny. It’s my favorite
YouTube channel. The kid does all
this cool stuff with his mom.
Karen squints to look at the title of the video.
KAREN
“Making a... di... digger...”
PENNY (V.O.)
The didgeridoo is a wind instrument
developed by Indigenous Australians
hundreds of years ago.
8.
SIMONE
She’s the best mom.
Time stops. Karen bristles.
KAREN
Just because she can make a...
Didherjeeejooooo. Whatever. That
doesn’t make her a great mom.
It’s clear there’s more behind this for Simone.
SIMONE
She is all about her family. They
have their own language. They don’t
just love each other. They like
each other.
Karen is taken aback.
KAREN
We like each other. Don’t we? I
like you. And, I love you. We love
each other. Right?
Simone is unmoved.
SIMONE
We don’t even know each other. Not
really.
Karen looks at the tablet, as the son smiles broadly at his
mother. She opens her mouth, but no words follow...
With that, Simone grabs her things and walks out. Karen is
left alone, looking at the iPad in her hand.
PENNY (V.O.)
Don’t forget, parents. Every time
you show up for your child, you
show up for the child inside you.
This hits Karen somewhere specific and familiar, but she
remembers the time and bolts for the door.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
3 -
Embarrassing Moments at Gerald Ford Middle School
EXT. RESIDENTAIL NEIGHBORHOOD - CONTINUOUS
Karen and Simone pull up in Karen’s RUSTED OUT TOYOTA.
KAREN
Babe, you keep making me drop you
off further and further away. What,
are you ashamed of me?
9.
SIMONE
Of course not. It’s just, why did
you have to take a job teaching at
my school?
KAREN
Beggars can’t be choosers, dear.
SIMONE
Just please don’t
embarrass me today.
KAREN
Name one time I embarrassed you.
SIMONE
All the times. It’s your default. I
mean you showed your whole entire
ass to the neighborhood before
breakfast...
KAREN
(touched)
You heard me say that? I didn’t
think you were listening.
EXT. GERALD FORD MIDDLE SCHOOL - CONTINUOUS
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Karen navigates the halls until she reaches a classroom door.
She open it briefly and peeks in. There is WILD SHOUTING,
lots of commotion. Unceremoniously, a WAD OF PAPER flies
through the crack and HITS HER SQUARE IN THE FACE. She closes
the door and leans against it.
KAREN
You can do this, Karen.
Just then, a gaggle of intense-looking cute blond teachers
walks by. They take one look at Karen and laugh among
themselves, in true bitch fashion. It is then that Karen
realizes, far too late, that the top that she is wearing is
tight, and short. She struggles to keep it from riding up on
her.
INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS
The inmates are running the asylum. They are broken out into
a number of little groups. The alpha girls. The wise-cracking
slacker boys. The followers.
10.
Karen begins to write her name on the board. Her hair is
tall, an obsolete hairstyle from decades past, and she
repeatedly tugs at her ill-fitting top so her pale belly
doesn’t intrude..
KAREN
Hello ladies and gentlemen. As you
know, your English teacher Ms.
Guberty is out for the rest of the
year, so I’ll be taking over for
her.
A girl raises her hand.
LAYLA
I have a question.
KAREN
Hit me.
LAYLA
Your shirt is too small. Or you are
too big.
KAREN
That’s not a question. But thanks
for noticing.
LAYLA
Did you grow since you got dressed
this morning?
Karen adjusts her top, self-conscious, as she writes her name
on the board.
KAREN
Not to my knowledge. Anyway,
My name is Ms. Schitzlinger. But
you can call me Ms. S.
The kids look at each other, smirking.
BRYSTON a tall, lanky boy in a hoodie with a curly mop and
braces, makes a serious face as he looks up from his phone,
which he balances on his desk.
BRYSTON
Hi. I’m Bryston. Your name is...
Shit. Slinger?
Giggles. The mob is alive, energized by the comedic
possibilities.
11.
KAREN
It is pronounced Schitzlinger.
BRYSTON
I pronounce things phonemically.
Shit. Slinger.
KAREN
It’s actually Schitzlinger,
Bryston. Like ‘ginger’. German
derivation. I’m actually descended
from a Count. So... you know. I’m
kind of like royalty.
Nervous, Karen bumps her desk and knocks her yogurt on the
floor. The container breaks open splashing yogurt onto her
leg.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Aw, shitballs. My slacks!
When Karen reaches for a handful of tissues, she knocks over
a stack of folders on her desk. One by one they slide off the
desk and papers scatter all over the floor.
AYLA, a sleepy eyed girl in an oversized hoodie, comes alive.
AYLA
Derp!!!!!
The class erupts in laughter. Karen is flustered.
KAREN
What is that? Derp. What does that
mean?
Kayla, who is painting her nails, joins in.
KAYLA
It’s the sound of your brain
sharting.
More laughter. Karen tries to connect with them.
KAREN
Well...maybe my brain had a spicy
lunch.
Crickets... Karen’s joke goes over like a lead balloon.
Bryston approaches her, putting a hand on her shoulder. He
holds out HIS PHONE, which displays a GIF OF KAREN WITH A
COSMICALLY EMBARRASSING EXPRESSION as she tries to catch her
hurtling yogurt, with the title: DERP QUEEN!
12.
KAREN (CONT'D)
How did you make that gif so fast?
Is it gif or jiff? I never...
The class begins to laugh, but Bryston silences them.
BRYSTON
Guys, quiet down! We’re in the
presence of royalty.
Karen exhales. Finally, some respect.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
Queen of the derps!
The class loses it, as Bryston curtsies mockingly.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
4 -
The Meme Incident
INT. SIMONE’S CLASS - CONTINUOUS
The teacher writes at the board, and Simone is taking notes.
Her PHONE VIBRATES. Very slowly, she extracts her phone from
her purse and reads a text. On her screen, larger than life,
is a picture of Karen, eyes fluttering, mouth twisted,
nostrils flaring, as she awkwardly reaches for her exploding
yogurt. Derp Queen indeed.
Shocked, Simone shoves the phone back into her purse and
braces herself.
SIMONE
Not good.
Scanning the room, she sees one, then another and another
student receiving the damning text. One by one, her peers
turn to look at her without a shred of empathy. Except for
her friend PIPER, a sweet girl with bangs and oversized
glasses. Piper smiles and nods her support.
EXT. GERALD FORD MIDDLE SCHOOL - AFTERNOON
Exhausted, Karen hauls her bag out to the teacher’s parking
lot. There, she meets TOM, a tall, easygoing Social Studies
teacher.
MR.NUDS
Can I give you a hand?
Karen starts to unshoulder her bag, but instead of taking it,
Tom instead starts to clap.
13.
TOM
A new record. First day, and
already the kids have made you into
a meme. I’m Tom. Mr. Nuds. I teach
social studies.
KAREN
Karen. Schitzlinger. English. And
thanks. I suppose it’s an honor.
TOM
I lasted a few weeks. And when it
came, it was swift. And it was
brutal. I considered it a real
tribute.
Karen shakes her head.
KAREN
They must be clever. You seem like
the cool teacher. Not sure how they
could burn someone like you.
TOM
My name is Tom Nuds.
KAREN
Nuds? Ouch.
TOM
My dad’s name was Harry. Harry
Nuds. My grandfather named him
that. Without a hint of irony.
KAREN
I just don’t understand kids these
days. Sometimes I think the
internet is destroying them. We
were never like this.
Tom laughs to himself.
TOM
They’re more like us than you
think.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
5 -
Karen Seeks Advice from Shirley
INT. KAREN’S CAR - CONTINUOUS
Karen calls Simone. No answer. She tries again. Finally, she
texts her daughter. ARE YOU CATCHING A RIDE WITH ME? Beat.
IT’S BEEN A LONG DAY. MAYBE WE CAN GET SOME TAKEOUT. SEE A
MOVIE?
14.
Beat, then a response. GOING 2 PIPERS. SEE U LATER. Beat.
DERP QUEEN.
EXT. SHADY GROVE NURSING HOME - NIGHT
A group of elderly card sharps are positioned around a round
table. One of them deals. SHIRLEY, Karen’s mom and a fiesty
old bird, sees her daughter coming.
SHIRLEY
You old bastards are in trouble. My
daughter’s here in case any of you
try to swindle me this time. If
you cheat, Karen’s going to choke
you out and leave you out in the
courtyard.
Karen looks at the collection of very frail players, then at
her mother, who is indeed concealing cards in her wheelchair.
KAREN
Does that include you, Mom?
Shirley frowns and folds.
SHIRLEY
Thanks a lot, narc.
Karen wheels her mom over to the window.
KAREN
Mom, can I ask you something? I
need your advice.
Shirley sees that Karen is serious, and softens a bit.
KAREN (CONT'D)
It’s just, Simone. I don’t know.
She’s different. Since everything
with Reese.
SHIRLEY
Divorce is confusing for kids.
She’s looking for answers.
KAREN
She won’t talk to me, mom. And when
she does, it’s with such contempt.
It’s like she hates me.
CUT TO:
15.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
6 -
Awkward Encounters and Motherly Desires
EXT. PIPER’S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
INT. PIPER’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Piper’s room is distinguished by a sewing machine and lots of
fabric and materials. She works on a project while Simone
lies on her bed, staring at her phone. She is watching
CAPTAIN & PENNY.
SIMONE
It’s like she hates me. Now, I have
to skip school tomorrow. A bunch of
tomorrows. Till this blows over.
PIPER
She’s just too tense. Divorce is
hard on adults.
Simone makes a face.
SIMONE
She is so awkward. Like, are adults
supposed to act this way?
PIPER
I love your mom. She tries so hard
to get people to like her. Too
hard.
Simone focuses on Penny’s face.
SIMONE
She’s a psycho. Why can’t Penny be
my mom?
PIPER
But then Captain would be your
brother!
Both girls scream at the prospect.
SIMONE
Sometimes, it’s like she is
speaking Chinese. With a German
accent.
INT. SHADY GROVE NURSING HOME - CONTINUOUS
KAREN
We used to watch movies together.
Now, she spends most of her waking
hours watching YouTube videos.
(MORE)
16.
KAREN (CONT'D)
I want to see a big budget
spectacle, and she just watches
normal people, doing normal stuff.
I don’t get it.
SHIRLEY
Maybe you just need to learn to
speak her language.
CUT TO:
INT. PIPER’S BEDROM - CONTINUOUS
PIPER
Cut her some slack. At least your
mom tries. Most parents are too
caught up in their own drama to
notice you.
Piper holds up an elaborately constructed COSPLAY COSTUME.
SIMONE
Nice!
Simone notices a text from her mom. I MADE TAMALES. THE
RESULTS WERE... MIXED. WOULD YOU WANT TO TRY ONE?
PIPER
Every time my mom comes in my room,
it’s like we’re meeting for the
first time.
As if on cue, PIPER’S MOM, who looks like an aged former
cheerleader, enters and fist bumps her daughter awkwardly.
PIPER’S MOM
Hey girl.
PIPER
Hey.
Piper’s Mom extends a hand to Simone.
PIPER’S MOM
Hey girl. I’m Lacy.
SIMONE
It’s me. Simone? We’ve met. Maybe
dozens of times. Give or take.
PIPER’S MOM
Cool beans!
17.
Piper’s Mom looks around the room and sees all the fabric,
the sewing machine, and related items.
PIPER’S MOM (CONT'D)
What’s all this stuff?
PIPER
My cosplay supplies. My room is
literally the same as it was six
months ago.
Piper’s Mom sees the COSPLAY COSTUME and her face lights up.
PIPER’S MOM
Are you going to a school dance or
something?
Piper rolls her eyes.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
7 -
The YouTube Dilemma
INT. SIMONE’S ROOM - LATE NIGHT
Simone is passed out, face down on her bed. Karen enters and
collects a half eaten plate of unsuccessful tamales. As she
exits, she notices that Simone’s TABLET is on, and a VIDEO IS
PLAYING.
Karen checks that her daughter is indeed sleeping, and takes
the tablet.
INT. LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Sitting alone in the dark, the glow of the screen warming her
face, Karen looks at Simone’s viewing history and selects a
video: CAPTAIN AND PENNY PANCAKE ART.
PENNY (V.O.)
Hey guys!
Karen turns on another video. And another.
-Captain and Penny AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS. 551,738 views.
PENNY (V.O.)
Hey guys!
-Captain and Penny tour Graceland. 2,058,003 views.
PENNY
(Elvis Presley voice)
Thank you. Thank you very much!
-Captain and Penny MAKE TAMALES. 1,298,444 views
18.
PENNY (CONT'D)
Hola chicos!
Karen is amazed.
KAREN
Those tamales look incredible.
-Captain and Penny TOUR OUR NEW HOUSE. 10,579,654 views.
PENNY
Welcome! Won’t you come in???
Karen is breathless as Captain and Penny walk through the
palatial, insane mansion. A nerve is touched.
BACK TO SCENE
KAREN
Anybody could do this. I could do
this.
INT. LIVING ROOM - MORNING
Karen is cashed out on the couch, face down, butt up. The
tablet lies lifeless next to her. Simone walks in and notices
the tablet.
SIMONE
Mom! Wake up!
Karen doesn’t stir.
SIMONE (CONT'D)
What are you doing with my iPad?
You could have at least charged it.
That’s just rude!
Nothing is registering.
SIMONE (CONT'D)
BTW, it’s after 7.
Karen momentarily rolls over, then suddenly jerks upright.
KAREN
Crispy craps! I’m going to be late!
Karen races around the house, brushing and spraying her hair
to its usual height and grandeur. She digs through a laundry
bin, and unfurls AN EPICALLY WRINKLED BLOUSE.
19.
KAREN (CONT'D)
I can’t wear that to school. Those
little monsters will tear me to
shreds.
Her shoulders drop as she looks at the iron in the trash can,
but then, a lightbulb moment.
KAREN (CONT'D)
I’m a genius!
INT. KAREN’S BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
Karen turns on the SHOWER, and the bathroom fills with steam.
She triumphantly places the WRINKLED BLOUSE on a hanger, and
hangs it from the shower curtain rod.
KAREN
The steam will take out the
wrinkles. You know, I should have
been a science teacher...
INT. KAREN’S CLASSROOM - MORNING
Karen stands in front of her students. They are frozen in
silence and shock. Bryston tries to speak and cannot.
Her BLOUSE is no longer wrinkled. Instead, it has been
stretched out to TWICE ITS NORMAL SIZE , WITH TWO ROUND, WET
SPOTS ON HER CHEST. As if that weren’t bad enough, her
magnificent, tall hair has fallen LIMP AND DAMP. Finally, her
MASCARA has run as well. All in all, it is a rough sight.
KAREN (RESIGNED)
I’m sure you all have questions...
AYLA
Were you in a water balloon fight?
KAREN
I was not.
Bryston looks outside. Sunny and warm.
BRYSTON
Is there a little raincloud that
follows you wherever you go?
TASON
Like Charlie Brown!
20.
KAREN
Sometimes it feels that way, yes.
LAYLA
Is that a blouse or a shirt?
KAREN
It is... it was a blouse.
BRYSTON
Did you shrink? You look smaller
than yesterday.
KAREN
Did I shrink?
KAYLA
I think her shirt is just huge.
LAYLA
You mean her blouse.
AYLA
You definitely shrunk.
TASON
Was it because you got so wet? From
the little raincloud?
Ayla waves her hand in a circle toward Karen’s shirt.
AYLA
Let’s talk about this whole
situation here.
BRYSTON
Are you lactating?
KAREN
There it is...
AYLA
Aren’t you too old to breastfeed?
KAYLA
Idiot. Sixty is way too old to have
a baby.
KAREN
Sixty??
LAYLA
Have you been crying?
21.
TASON
Because you’re too old to have a
baby?
KAREN
I’m not sixty! I didn’t get rained
on. My iron crapped out on me, so I
just did a little science
experiment! OK??!!
The class is instantly silent. A long beat.
BRYSTON
Was it a shrink ray? Because you
look tiny.
Karen stares daggers.
KAREN (SARCASTIC)
Oh yeah. I invented a shrink ray.
Something that would change the
world as we know it. And it
actually worked! Now I’m sitting on
a gold mine. Corporations will buy
it to save millions on warehouses.
Governments could send spies the
size of a housefly into any place
they wanted. I’m going to be rich!
Only one thing doesn’t make
sense...
BRYSTON
Only one?
Karen gets right up in the kid’s smug face.
KAREN
Why did I bother coming in to work
today?
Bryston thinks hard.
BRYSTON
You love teaching and you believe
in us?
KAREN
Yeah (beat)... that’s it.
LATER
Karen grades papers at her desk and the bell rings. The class
files out. Bryston brings up the rear.
22.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Bryston? A word?
BRYSTON
Am I in trouble?
Karen comes out from behind her desk. She holds out her
laptop. On it, a YouTube video is playing. It’s a video of
Karen from the day before, dropping her papers before
freezing into her horrifically embarrassing facial
expression. The video is entitled MY SUBSTITUTE TEACHER IS A
DERP QUEEN!
Bryston is busted, but not super concerned about it.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
How did that get there?
KAREN
So, that’s you? ‘HeadSh0t
Miniboss’?
BRYSTON
That’s my YouTube channel. It’s
pretty popular.
Karen squints as she turns on another video.
KAREN
So, you post videos of yourself.
Mostly just playing video games.
BRYSTON
With hilarious commentary.
Critiques of the games. Savage
takedowns of other players. I’m
also branching out into other
things. Challenges. Pranks.
Reaction videos.
KAREN
Who would watch that?
Bryston points to the screen. 107,298 views. Karen furrows
her brow.
KAREN (CONT'D)
A hundred thousand views! You are
literally just sitting there, being
a lazy turd. I’ve seen your grades.
BRYSTON
Hey!
23.
KAREN
YouTube is a colossal waste of
time. Have you seen this Captain
and Penny thing? So stupid...
BRYSTON
Waste of time? Let me ask you a
question, Mrs. S... How were your
grades in school?
KAREN (PROUDLY)
I was the valedictorian at my high
school. Straight A’s in college.
Post-graduate degree. I have got
credentials. Very impressive
credentials.
BRYSTON
Cool, cool. So how much are you
taking home? After taxes?
Karen looks flustered.
KAREN
I do ok.
BRYSTON
I make $7,000 a month. Net. I’m 13.
And I’m a lazy turd.
Karen’s eyes bulge.
KAREN
Bullshit! Nice try.
Bryston types into his phone and flips it around to show
Karen an electronic check stub. Karen squints. It looks
legit. Karen is in shock.
KAREN (CONT'D)
How is this possible? I have played
by the rules my whole life...
BRYSTON
Maybe that’s your problem. The
rules were made up by people no
smarter than you. Why follow them?
The people living large. They make
their own rules.
Karen stands in stunned silence.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
See ya, Derp Queen.
24.
Bryston walks away, triumphant.
Karen stands in stunned silence. Tom walks by and pokes his
head in, and notices Karen’s appearance.
MR.NUDS
Have you lost weight? You look...
smaller?
Karen barely takes notice.
KAREN
I have a Master’s degree. I still
have $79,000 in student loan debt.
And a kid in my class brings in
more than I do. Not just any kid.
My worst student.
TOM
Hey, listen...
KAREN
Meanwhile I’m invisible to my
daughter. She wishes that some
phony influencer was her mom.
MR.NUDS
You okay?
KAREN
No. I am not.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
8 -
Rediscovering the Past
INT. KAREN'S ATTIC - EVENING
Karen frantically tears through boxes of storage. Searching
for clues. GIRL SCOUT PATCHES. CHESS CLUB MEDALS. She takes a
long swig from a WINE BOTTLE. FORENSICS AWARDS. SCIENCE FAIR
RIBBON. Her HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK. She pauses on a photo. Same
bad hair, but 17 year old Karen is owning it with the
optimism of youth. The caption reads: Most Likely to Succeed.
KAREN
Bullshit.
She hurls the book across the attic with a CRASH as a box
topples over.
Cleaning up her mess, she holds up an old VHS videotape,
entitled VALEDICTORIAN SPEECH. Popping it into a dusty analog
tv, she watches the tape.
Young Karen stands tall and is bringing it.
25.
YOUNG KAREN (ONSCREEN)
Today, the class of 1996 takes on
the world. This is our time. And we
will do great things. We will
embark on the journey of our lives.
For the bold among us, we will set
a course for uncharted territories.
We will step outside of the comfort
of home and set forth beyond the
boundaries of previous generations.
Because the rules were made up by
people no smarter than we are.
Karen’s mouth drops open. She rewinds the tape.
YOUNG KAREN (CONT'D)
Because the rules were made up by
people no smarter than we are.
She rewinds it again.
YOUNG KAREN (CONT'D)
... made up by people no smarter
than we are.
Karen mulls this idea, the tape still running. Beat, then...
BULLY (O.S.)
Sit down, ugly loser!
Several people laugh obnoxiously at the comment.
KAREN
Oh my god. I forgot...
Young Karen soldiers on, flustered. The bullies disrupt her
time and again, hurling insults, breaking her down. Tears
flow as Karen relives the trauma.
Genres:
["Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
9 -
Karen's YouTube Revelation
INT. MATH CLASS - MORNING
Bryston sits in Math class. The silence is broken by the
ringing of the classroom phone.
MRS. DANNON
Bryston, you are being summoned to
the office.
CLASS
Ooooooooooo!
Bryston bows and excuses himself from the classroom.
26.
INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Bryston walks alone through an empty stairwell toward the
office. He hears an ominous voice from behind.
KAREN (O.S.)
Hello Bryston. Let’s talk..
Bryston turns to see Karen lurking in the shadows.
BRYSTON
Da fuh?
INT. RESTAURANT - AFTER SCHOOL
Bryston feasts on Karen’s dime, while she picks his brain.
BRYSTON
You want to do a YouTube channel?
About what?
KAREN
Anything. Everything. Whatever
other people are doing. A little of
this, a little of that.
BRYSTON
No, no, no. You have to have a
brand.
KAREN
A brand?
BRYSTON
For your platform.
KAREN
My platform?
Bryston shakes his head.
BRYSTON
Look at Captain and Penny. Her
brand is the perfect mom.
KAREN
Yeah. I want to do that!
BRYSTON
I don’t really see that for you.
KAREN
Why not? I can be whoever I want.
27.
BRYSTON
But why be anybody else. Be you.
KAREN
Would you watch me?
BRYSTON
Oh. Heck. No.
Karen nods, validated and dejected at the same time.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
But somebody would. There is an
audience for literally everything.
As long as you are being yourself.
Authenticity is everything.
KAREN
What if I’m not sure who I am?
BRYSTON
I can’t think of anything worse.
KAREN
I need your help. Please.
BRYSTON
Hard pass.
Karen reaches across the table and grabs Bryston’s hands. He
looks alarmed, but in his usual very nonchalant way.
KAREN
Just come over to my house.
BRYSTON
Stranger danger.
KAREN
Help me make some videos. With my
daughter. I’m trying to do
something to save our relationship
before she gets to high school and
I lose her forever. She loves
YouTube... I just...
Karen is on the VERGE OF TEARS. Bryston looks confused.
BRYSTON
You have a daughter? Is she, you
know, like you?
28.
KAREN
Yes. Is that so hard to believe? I
conceived her with my very handsome
high school sweetheart on a
moonlight, sweaty night. He
introduced me to fleshly delights.
BRYSTON
Ick. Those are vivid ass details.
KAREN
I bore her for 10 arduous months. I
birthed her after 27 hours of
labor. Also a sweaty, sweaty time.
Tore my taint to shreds doing it.
Damn thing still doesn’t look
right.
Bryston flinches.
BRYSTON
Bruh! This is child abuse. Please
stop.
KAREN
And I raised her. Alone. So yeah. I
have a daughter. She goes to your
school. Maybe you know her...
BRYSTON
Is she a derp?
Karen holds up her phone, featuring a very flattering photo
of SIMONE.
KAREN
Does she look like a derp to you?
For a moment, Bryston forgets that he looks down on everyone
with contempt. He lets his guard down, even smiling a little.
BRYSTON
She does not.
Just as suddenly, he catches himself.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
Wait. How is this your daughter?
She looks... almost normal.
Karen pleads with her eyes.
29.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
Hmmmm. Well, it wouldn’t hurt to
shoot some test footage and see if
the real Karen comes out.
KAREN
So you’re in?
BRYSTON
One condition.
Karen nods, a bit uncertain.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
From now on, you will address me as
Sensei.
KAREN
I’m not calling you that...
BRYSTON
Deal’s off.
Swallowing hard, Karen thinks.
KAREN
Ok. Sure. Fine. Yes.
BRYSTON
Yes what?
KAREN
Yes Sensei.
A smug smirk overtakes Bryston’s face.
BRYSTON
First, you need to do some
research.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
10 -
YouTube Obsessions: A Night with Karen and Bryston
INT. KAREN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Karen watches a series of YouTubers:
- BELLAGAMBA, a pretty twenty-something girl in a closeup on
her GLITTERY MAKEUP AND LARGE FAKE EYELASHES. She is
WHISPERING almost inaudibly and FLUTTERING HER FINGERS, like
she is performing magic.
BELLAGAMBA (WHISPERED)
So.... My little angels. Good.
Good. Brilliant.
30.
Karen looks confused.
BRYSTON (V.O.)
Check out Bellagamba. 10 million
subscribers. She does ASMR and
mukbang. Mostly just making weird
sounds. It’s supposed to be
relaxing
BELLAGAMBA
Gdgdgdggdgdgd....
KAREN
Da fuh? What am I looking at?
-THE LUCKINBILLS, a whitebread family in their front lawn,
with all blonde dad, mom, and seven kids. Each is wearing
MATCHING WHITE POLO SHIRTS AND WHITE PANTS. The dad is
holding AN OPEN BIBLE, in front of his son, who HOLDS BOTH OF
HIS SISTERS HANDS, gazing into her eyes. The video title
announces KODY AND KASSIDY’S PRACTICE WEDDING.
LUCKINBILL MOM(V.O.)
Hey, guys. Today we are going to
have an old fashioned Luckinbill
wedding. Kody and Kassidy are going
to tie the knot!
BRYSTON (V.O.)
On the family channel side, the
Luckinbills. They’re a little...
Karen squints.
KAREN
... creepy? The dad is performing a
wedding ceremony... for his
children?
The boy puts a ring on his sister’s finger, and she kisses
him.
BRYSTON (V.O.)
And they dress kind of...
KAREN
Cultish...?
-NIGHTSHADE SUPERSAD, a mousy GOTH GIRL with BLACK BANGS and
HEAVY MAKEUP.
BRYSTON (V.O.)
-There’s niche content. Like
Nightshade Supersad.
(MORE)
31.
BRYSTON (V.O.) (CONT'D)
She’s got 5 million subscribers who
like analogue horror. She’s into
taxidermy, and other dead things.
Nightshade is in white lab coat and holds a scalpel.
NIGHTSHADE (MONOTONE)
Hey. Today we are going to re-enact
the autopsy of Harry Houdini.
You’ll never guess what I’m using
for the corpse.
Karen winces.
KAREN
Yuck. Next.
-PETE FILARDO, a NERDY, MIDDLE AGED MAN in a sport coat and
bowtie.
BRYSTON (V.O.)
There are content creators who are
actually skilled at something. Pete
Filardo is a former Area 51
engineer. He does the craziest
science projects. Like he did an
egg drop challenge.
Karen scoffs as she watches Pete manipulating lab equipment.
KAREN (V.O.)
Big deal. I’ve done egg drops. When
I subbed a science class. You build
a container and drop it from the
second floor of the school...
PETE
Greetings humans. It’s time for
another subscriber request.
BRYSTON (V.O.)
He dropped it from space. It
survived re-entry and landed
safely. In the Sahara desert.
PETE
Today I will be taking on my
toughest challenge yet. I will be
cloning... myself.
KAREN
Whoa. Is That real?
32.
PETE
I don’t have many friends. Or
indeed any.
Karen looks concerned as she pauses Pete’s video.
KAREN (V.O.)
What if I’m not good at anything?
No one will watch.
BRYSTON (V.O.)
Well, that never stopped
Outlandish. They are literally good
at nothing. And they have 30
million subscribers.
-OUTLANDISH consists of 5 TWENTY-SOMETHING MEN, ALWAYS IN
SHORTS AND TSHIRTS.
BRYSTON (V.O.)
Outlandish is a bunch of adult
children, living in a giant
mansion. Doing stupid stuff for
views. A lot of it is clickbait.
The Outlandish dudes stand outside a building dressed in
comical BURGLER COSTUMES, including striped black and white
shirts and black masks.
OUTLANDISH DOOFUS 1
Hey bros. It’s Outlandish. Today,
me and the boys are going to rob a
real bank! And the security guard
is going to try and stop us. With
extreme prejudice!
Karen shakes her head as the morons are PEPPER SPRAYED IN THE
FACE, and TASERED, as they all howl and cackle with laughter.
BRYSTON (V.O.)
There is literally no barrier for
entry. That is the point. Anyone
can do it.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
11 -
Messy Mom Moments: Karen and Simone's YouTube Journey
INT. KAREN’S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Karen arranges A BOX OF SUPPLIES on an elaborately laid out
table, as Bryston arranges a simple LIGHT FIXTURE and puts
his IPHONE on a stand.
33.
Just then, Simone enters the room, confused. She pulls her
mom aside.
SIMONE
Um, what the heck? Why is Bryston
Haney here?
KAREN
I’m starting a YouTube channel.
Bryston is helping me by doing all
the hard stuff.
SIMONE
But why?
KAREN
I actually was hoping it would give
you and me something to do.
Together. Just for us. Maybe get to
know each other.
Simone is visibly touched, but tries vainly to hide it.
SIMONE
I didn’t think you were
listening...
Karen smiles.
SIMONE (CONT'D)
This actually looks pretty cool.
I’ve always wanted to try to make a
video. Oh my god, is that for ASMR?
Nice.
Karen’s face lights up. As mom and daughter share a moment,
Bryston watches out of the corner of his eye, which pauses
for a long moment on Simone.
MONTAGE AS BRYSTON FILMS KAREN AND SIMONE:
KAREN
Hey Guys! I’m Karen...
SIMONE
And I’m Simone. And this is our
channel... Mom & Me.
KAREN
Let’s deposit a little something in
the memory bank.
Simone nods, as if to say, ‘not bad’.
34.
SUPERIMPOSE: NO MIRROR MAKEUP CHALLENGE
— KAREN AND SIMONE EACH APPLY MAKEUP TO THEIR FACES, WITHOUT
THE BENEFIT OF A MIRROR. BOTH LOOK VERY SERIOUS.
SUPERIMPOSE: GOURMET COOKING CHALLENGE
— KAREN AND SIMONE, WEARING APRONS, BOTH ATTEMPT TO MAKE THE
SAME FANCY, GOURMET DISH, USING A PHOTO AS A REFERENCE.
KAREN
This almost doesn’t seem fair. I
used to be a sous chef at Sizzler.
So....
SUPERIMPOSE: RELAXING ASMR SOUNDS
— SIMONE WHISPERS INTO A BROADCASTING-STYLE MICROPHONE AS
KAREN AND BRYSTON LOOK ON.
SIMONE (WHISPERING)
Next, a paintbrush.
Simone swipes the brush across the microphone, producing a
fairly pleasing sound.
SIMONE (WHISPERING) (CONT'D)
Satisfying.
Karen and Bryston both nod.
SUPERIMPOSE: SLIME-MAKING CHALLENGE
— KAREN AND SIMONE, WEARING LAB COATS AND GOOGLES, EACH HOLD
UP HOUSEHOLD MATERIALS AND CONTAINERS.
KAREN
This is a thing?
Bryston shakes his head and gives her a thumbs up.
SUPERIMPOSE: MUKBANG
— BRYSTON’S CAMERA FOCUSES IN ON KAREN AND SIMONE’S MOUTHS,
AS THEY SELECT RANDOM FOOD ITEMS AND EAT INTO THE MICROPHONE.
SIMONE gingerly takes a bite into a strawberry and chews it
into the microphone.
35.
As Bryston shifts the camera to Karen, Simone gives him a
look as if to say, was that ok? Bryston gulps and nods,
embarrassed at how good he thought it was.
Camera focused on her mouth, Karen takes a piece of celery
and takes a bite. The sounds she makes are disgusting:
inhuman crunching, slurping, burping. Juices run down her
chin.
Simone looks horrified. Bryston’s mouth is wide open.
SUPERIMPOSE: SLIME MAKING
SIMONE
OK, let’s see how it turned out. In
3, 2, 1.....
— SIMONE REACHES INTO HER CONTAINER AND WITHDRAWS A PERFECTLY
FORMED HANDFUL OF SLIME, WHICH SHE TWISTS BETWEEN HER
FINGERS.
SIMONE
Looks amazing. Mom, how’s yours
looking?
KAREN’S CONCOCTION IS BUBBLING VIOLENTLY.
KAREN
Is it supposed to do that?
SIMONE
Mom, what did you put in there?
Suddenly, the gooey mixture erupts into Karen’s face,
knocking off her goggles.
KAREN
Ah, my eyes! It burns so much!
Flailing around, Karen slips on the slime and topples the
table and all of her equipment, cursing.
SUPERIMPOSE: ASMR
Simone blows gently into the microphone. It is very peaceful
and relaxing.
Next it’s Karen’s turn on the mic. She is nervously breathing
heavily into it, generating an unnerving racket.
Bryston leans into Simone.
36.
BRYSTON
Why is she breathing so hard?
SIMONE
No idea. Mom you ok?
KAREN (WHISPERING, BUT ALSO
HYPERVENTILATING)
Here goes..... A gentle breeze.
Karen blows aggressively into the mic. It is an apocalyptic
sound, so abrasive it makes the mic squeal with feedback.
Simone and Bryston flinch.
KAREN (HALF-WHISPERING, HALF SHOUTING) (CONT'D)
Satisfying.
Karen and Bryston laugh out loud.
SUPERIMPOSE: COOKING CHALLENGE
Predictably, Simone’s dish is perfect, with decorative
touches that even exceed the photo. Karen’s is an
abomination.
KAREN (CONT'D)
But what do they taste like?
Simone bites into hers.
SIMONE
Mmmmmm.
Karen sniffs hers and chomps off a piece, and holds it in her
mouth, as if she were savoring it. As she opens her mouth to
speak, she has to stop herself from vomiting. Simone and
Bryston take step toward her to help.
KAREN
It’s OK. Just a dry heave. Nothing
to....
At this, Karen vomits in volcanic fashion. For distance.
Repeatedly. Simone and Bryston wait for it to end.
Finally...
KAREN (CONT'D)
That was more of a... wet heave.
Simone flinches. Close on her Bryston’s faces as the sounds
of retching recommence.
Finally... Still on the kids...
37.
KAREN, GASPING (O.S)
Hmmm. Interesting. This one was
neither solid nor liquid. More like
a gas? A visible vapor....
At that Simone laughs, then covers her own mouth to prevent
her own event.
SUPERIMPOSE: NO MIRROR MAKEUP CHALLENGE
Simone and Karen have their backs turned to the camera.
KAREN
Time for the big reveal. How do you
feel, Simone?
SIMONE
Nervous. How about you, Mom?
KAREN
I feel pretty. Sexy even.
SIMONE
Ok. Turn around in 3, 2, 1....
Simone’s makeup looks professional, accurately applied and
tastefully done. She is pleasantly surprised.
Karen turns. Her face looks like a GHOLISH MIME, with garish
color combinations and altogether way too much makeup. She
seems confused.
Simone laughs out loud. At first Karen looks hurt, but she
catches herself and joins her daughter in a hysterical
outburst. It’s like a dam has burst between them.
Karen looks into the camera.
KAREN
A word to the moms out there. I
know it seems like no one sees you.
With all the cooking and careers
and PTO meetings and driving, God,
the driving. Well, I see you...
Simone stops and really listens.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Motherhood ain’t always pretty. It
ain’t always clean. Clearly, it
ain’t always dignified. Don’t let
anyone try to convince you
otherwise.
(MORE)
38.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Don’t let anyone shame you with
Pinterest boards or Facebook
pictures, or science projects or
school lunches. You are doing
great.
Bryston nods approvingly, impressed.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Bryston, maybe we can clean those
up in post?
BRYSTON
Post?
KAREN
Post-production. You know, edit the
video to make me look better.
BRYSTON
I’m not sure why you would do that.
I think that was you. The real
Karen and Simone.
SIMONE
I wish. We never have fun like
that.
KAREN
Maybe it can be. Why not?
Bryston packs up his equipment and starts to leave. Karen and
Simone barely notice, this is their moment.
SUPERIMPOSE: ONE MONTH LATER
Genres:
["Comedy","Family","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
12 -
A Shopping Adventure with Aspirations
EXT. WORTHINGTON’S DEPARTMENT STORE - DAY
Karen and Simone shop together. They pass a bunch of CAPTAIN
AND PENNY MERCHANDISE. A stuffed doll version of the pair.
Penny’s picture on a line of home goods. Captain’s toothy
smile on a t-shirt.
SIMONE
Check it out.
KAREN
Wouldn’t it be funny if that was
us?
SIMONE
Not my thing at all.
39.
Simone wanders off.
KAREN (TO HERSELF)
Not your thing to be rich? To be
somebody?
SIMONE
Ooo, look mom. These shoes are lit!
KAREN (GETTING INTO THE SPIRIT OF
THINGS)
O.M.G.!!!!! Do they have my size?
INT. SIMONE’S BEDROOM - MORNING
Simone is texting PIPER.
SIMONE (TEXT)
Karen is acting so different
lately. like normal. well normal
for her. lol.
PIPER (TEXT)
I know what u mean. maybe the
channel is just what she needed. go
karen!
SIMONE(TEXT)
FR. Go karen!
PIPER (TEXT)
What about the bryston situation?
OOOOOOOO!!!!!
SIMONE (TEXT)
OMG STFU!!!!!
INT. KAREN’S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
KAREN is texting SHIRLEY.
KAREN (TEXT)
Holy crap. It’s like she likes me
again.
SHIRLEY (TEXT)
WHO IS THIS???!!!!!!!!
KAREN (TEXT)
Mom, you don’t have to yell.
As Karen texts, she NARRATES HER TEXT. And she uses
punctuation and grammar in her message.
40.
SHIRLEY (TEXT)
WHO IS THIS???!!!!!!!!
KAREN
I’m your only child. Who else calls
you mom?
SHIRLEY (TEXT)
MOM???!!!!!
Karen frowns and calls her mom instead.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
13 -
Phone Call with Karen
INT. SHADY GROVE NURSING HOME - CONTINUOUS
SHIRLEY’S CELL PHONE RINGS. Carl, a confused and weathered
older man, eventually swipes his finger and answers the
phone.
CARL
Mom????!!!
Just then, Shirley notices CARL, and snatches the phone from
him.
SHIRLEY
Give me that, you flirt!!!
Shirley addresses her daughter.
SHIRLEY (ON PHONE) (CONT'D)
Hey. Sorry, this guy is trying put
a sad, saggy selfie on my phone.
KAREN (ON PHONE)
Yuck.
SHIRLEY (ON PHONE)
Hey, don’t talk that way about my
boyfriend!
KAREN (ON PHONE)
Mom, she likes me again. Simone.
It’s a miracle.
SHIRLEY (ON PHONE)
Hallelujah. What did you do?
KAREN (ON PHONE)
I... figured out how to speak her
language.
SHIRLEY (ON PHONE)
I’m a genius. You’re welcome.
41.
KAREN (ON PHONE)
How do you know so much?
SHIRLEY (ON PHONE)
Years of unmitigated, humiliating
failure.
KAREN (ON PHONE)
Then I should be Steven Hawking.
SHIRLEY (ON PHONE)
Hey. Failure is a sign that you are
on the right track. John Lennon and
Paul McCartney wrote and scrapped a
hundred terrible songs before they
wrote their first hit.
KAREN
I see myself as more of a Ringo.
SHIRLEY
You can’t succeed without failure.
Embrace it. Don’t you forget that.
Proud of you.
Carl returns, he seem lost.
SHIRLEY (CONT'D)
I have to go. This guy is
insatiable. I gotta say, I don’t
hate it.
KAREN
I stand by my yuck.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
14 -
Embarrassment at School
EXT. GERALD FORD MIDDLE SCHOOL - MORNING
Karen and Simone, driving together, pull up to the outside of
the school.
KAREN
You sure you don’t want me to park
a block away?
Simone smiles.
SIMONE
I’m sure. Just drop me over there,
ok? On the side? Baby steps...
Karen is more than ok with that.
42.
SIMONE (CONT'D)
And mom... you look great today.
With that, Simone is gone. Karen blasts her car radio with
the windows down.
Tom sees her drive by. He laughs. Obviously, things seem to
be going better.
INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS
Karen stands in front of the class. She looks more put
together: hair standing tall, a bit too much makeup, a
professional, if outdated blazer over a puffy white blouse,
skirt and heels. The blazer is a bit too tight, and she
insists on buttoning it.
TASON
You’re back to your usual size.
WILLIAMS
Much more huger than last time.
Karen gives the boy side-eye, then relaxes.
KAREN
I’ll allow it.
AYLA
Why have you been looking sort of
normal?
KAYLA
Is that a blouse or a shirt?
LAYLA
Definitely a blouse. Blouses are
fancier. But also grosser.
Karen flinches, then stands down.
KAREN
You can’t bring me down.
Karen shoots a knowing glance at Bryston. He nods, but stays
uncharacteristically quiet.
TASON
What happened to the old Ms. Shit-
slinger? We like her better.
Karen turns on her projector.
43.
KAREN
She doesn’t work here anymore.
(Beat) Open your books. We’re going
to talk about Catcher in the Rye.
Maybe one of you will like it so
much they’ll find it on you at a
crime scene.
As she talks, she hears a swell of nattering behind her.
Finally, she turns to confront the class.
All of her students are gathered around Ayla, who is playing
a YouTube video on her phone. Karen confidently strides
toward the crowd.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Give it to me. Now.
Ayla hands Karen her phone. The students inhale and hold
their breath collectively, waiting to see their teacher’s
response.
Playing the video, entitled MOM AND ME MAKE SLIME, Karen
feels a surprising jolt of pride.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Oh. You guys found our video. Cool.
Nervous, Karen makes eye contact with Bryston. He makes a
reassuring face.
Karen squints to watch as Simone extracts her successful
slime. She smiles broadly. Proudly.
JADA
Is that Simone? From my French
class?
Onscreen, Karen emerges in her lab coat and goggles.
BAYLOR
Wait for it.
KAREN
Oh, this part is great. My slime
turned out amazing.
She locks eyes with Bryston again.
Onscreen, Karen and Simone produce perfect slime.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Wow, great job, Bryston. It looks
just like Penny, doing her thing...
44.
Onscreen, a title appears on screen: THE TRUTH BEHIND THE
IMAGE. Karen prepares to reveal her slime, and ALL HELL
BREAKS LOOSE as Karen squirts slime into her bare eyes, and
flails around before finally flopping over the table and
toppling it, making a HUGE RACKET.
Karen is confused.
KAREN (CONT'D)
No. This isn’t right. Let’s look at
another one.
Different video. Same humiliating result. The kids are
rolling. This is comedy gold.
Karen grabs Bryston by the shoulder and rustles him out into
the hall.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
15 -
Viral Redemption
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
KAREN
The hell, man? What happened to
‘cleaning it up in post’?
BRYSTON
I tried. It didn’t work.
KAREN
Didn’t work?
BRYSTON
It wasn’t you. I created a version
where you did everything perfect.
It sucked. It was just bogus Penny.
There was no Karen in it.
KAREN
This is terrible. You just ruined
my life. Maybe that’s what you
wanted all along. You get off on
bullying people.
Karen starts to storm off, before returning.
KAREN (CONT'D)
And by the way, Bryston is the
stupidest name I’ve ever heard. It
reeks of entitled, suburban
douchebaggery. How does that feel?
BRYSTON
I’m not sure. What does that mean?
45.
Pausing at the door before returning, Karen sees all the kids
reacting IN HYSTERICS as they watch her videos.
INT. CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS
Karen enters and tries to casually try to restart the lesson.
She has lost her groove.
KAREN
OK, let’s get back in our seats and
get excited about J.D. Salinger!!!
Tumbleweeds. She has lost the class. Cries of DERP! And OOF!
fill the air as they watch videos. Then, A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Simone stands there glaring, holding her phone up to display
their video.
SIMONE
Are you trying to ruin my life?
Karen closes the classroom door.
KAREN
I promise I don’t know what
happened. Bryston was supposed to
edit them to get rid of the
embarrassing parts.
SIMONE
Well, he didn’t. I had to leave
class. It was too much. I have to
change schools now. You know that,
right?
KAREN
I never meant to....
Simone is looking past her mom to the classroom door. The
students are standing together, peering through the door at
Simone and Karen. Karen opens the door. As she does, her
students burst into APPLAUSE.
Ayla races up to Karen with her phone. The video has
2,000,000 views and counting.
AYLA
OMG. You guys are going viral!!
46.
On cue, the rest of the class fills the hall. Some chant KA-
REN, KA-REN. Some take selfies with Karen. Others approach
Simone.
LAYLA
I always suspected you were cool.
KAYLA
Right?
Simone blushes at the attention, but she loves it. Looking
past the girls, she notices Bryston smiling at her.
Bryston approaches Karen.
KAREN
I’m not sure what to say (Beat).
Your name is not stupid. You really
know your stuff.
Bryston nods.
BRYSTON
You’re welcome.
As the crowd disperses, Simone and Karen stand in shock.
KAREN
What just happened?
SIMONE
The mean girls want me to hang out
with them.
KAREN
Is that a good thing?
SIMONE
I have no idea.
Bryston sidles up to them.
BRYSTON
You’ve just taken your first steps
into a larger world.
KAREN
Yes, sensei.
Karen is happy because Simone is happy.
From a distance, Tom stands and watches Karen in her glory.
He catches her eye and nods approvingly.
47.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
16 -
Building Connections on YouTube
INT. KAREN’S HOUSE - EVENING
Karen, Simone and Bryston are huddled over his laptop.
BRYSTON
Look at these comments.
Karen scans the screen.
KAREN (READING)
“I just love your style, Simone.
You have amazing taste”... “Simone,
you are going to be a star”...
“Anybody else think Simone is
hot?”. Well, they really seem to
like you, honey.
SIMONE (READING)
“Karen, is such an exquisite
Karen”... “Of all the derps, Karen
is the derpiest”. Wait, here’s a
really good one.
Karen looks skeptical.
SIMONE (READING) (CONT'D)
“Karen you are so real. I love how
you don’t try to be perfect. And it
seems like you really love your
daughter”.
Karen blushes a bit. This is the kind of validation she has
been waiting for.
INT. PENNY’S HOUSE - MORNING
Penny SCANS THE COMMENTS on her page.
BRUH345
I hate Penny. If you want to see
something real check out the Mom &
Me channel. Karen is my favorite.
Penny is caught off guard. She flags the comment.
PENNY
Go to Hell.
Still pissed, Penny enters Mom & Me into the YouTube search
bar. Up pops a close-up of KAREN”S FACE, contorted into a
beaming smile as she looks at Simone.
48.
PENNY (CONT'D)
Her?
INT. KAREN’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Close up of Karen in the middle of a SNEEZING FIT. One.
After. Another. Maybe a dozen in all.
Bryston looks at Simone.
BRYSTON
You good?
Karen pulls herself together.
KAREN
Yowza. I’m ok... I just put too
much pepper in my salad.
BRYSTON
OK, anyway. So, here...
Karen rattles off another half dozen sneezes, each more
violent than the last.
INT. PENNY’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Still staring at Karen, being awkward again.
PENNY
This bitch right here?
INT. KAREN’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
BRYSTON
OK, here is your homework
assignment.
KAREN
Homework? That’s funny.
Bryston stares at her.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Because I’m your teacher? You’re
giving me...
Bryston shoves the laptop in front of Karen.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Yes Sensei.
49.
BRYSTON
You need to start responding to
these people. Start building a
connection with your audience. We
want people to subscribe. We want
them to eat up everything you post.
Karen and Simone giggle as they start to reply.
KAREN (TYPING/NARRATING)
“Dear CatLadySadie49. It takes a
derp to know a derp. Love, Karen.”
Hey, this is kind of fun!
BRYSTON
You don’t always have to use full
sentences or grammar, you know?
SIMONE
We should try to get Penny and
Captain to do a collab. It’s my
dream to meet her. In person I
mean.
Karen types a few responses, then furrows her brow.
SIMONE (CONT'D)
Mom, what is it?
CUT TO:
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
17 -
A Mean Comment Fuels a Powerful Stand Against Bullying
INT. PENNY’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Penny opens another MOM & ME video. She scoffs.
PENNY
Thrift Store ‘Fit Challenge. Oh,
it’s worse than I thought. Only
10,000 views. Loser.
Clicking the play button, Penny watches. In typical Karen
fashion, there is lots of awkwardness and unpolished
presentation.
Penny hates what she sees, and types a terribly unflattering
comment under the username fatBatman.
PENNY (TYPING AND READING ALOUD) (CONT'D)
You wish you were like Penny. She
is everything you are not.
CUT TO:
50.
INT. KAREN’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
KAREN (READING ALOUD)
You wish you were like Penny. She
is everything you are not. Stop,
just stop, fat loser.
BRYSTON
Troll. Flag it.
Karen looks flustered.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
Look, Mrs. S, it’s part of the
game. Some people are just haters.
Don’t take it personal. And hey,
maybe we start an anti-bullying
campaign.
Simone nods.
SIMONE
Great idea!
Karen is in a trance. Simone puts her hand on Karen’s arm.
SIMONE (CONT'D)
Mom... are you ok?
FLASHBACK TO KAREN’S HIGH SCHOOL VALEDICTORIAN SPEECH
Young Karen beams out at the crowd of parents and peers.
BULLY (O.S.)
Sit down, ugly loser!
END FLASHBACK
KAREN
You know what. I am. Bring it on.
CUT TO:
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
18 -
Penny's Awkward Encounter
INT. PENNY’S HOUSE - CONINUOUS
Penny shuts her laptop. Looking around all of her production
staff has gone.
PENNY
Ash? You still here?
Silence.
51.
PENNY (CONT'D)
Hey, Will? You want to grab a bite?
No reply.
Penny wanders through the huge, empty house. Finally, she
finds Captain in a huge gaming room.
INT. PENNY’S GAMING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Captain is in a leather GAMING CHAIR, swiveling around as he
unloads virtual hell on his opponent. He yells into his
GAMING HEADSET MICROPHONE.
CAPTAIN
Bro, you are actual garbage. You
are embarrassing yourself.
Penny talks, but the sounds of online warfare render her
words unheard. Penny walks up and removes Captain’s headset.
CAPTAIN (CONT'D)
What the hell are you doing? Idiot!
Penny is thrown. She tries to appeal to his basic needs.
PENNY
Hey Cappy? I was hoping we could
maybe go out. Grab some dinner
together... like old times.
Captain softens, his face showing some of his trademark
boyish excitement.
CAPTAIN
Really Mom?
PENNY
Of course sweetheart. Anything you
want!
Captain takes back his headset.
CAPTAIN
Cool. What I want is for you to
leave me TF alone.
With that Captain returns to his game. Without looking at
her, or removing his headset...
CAPTAIN (CONT'D)
Hey I ordered DoorDash. Watch for
the driver. Bye now!
52.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
19 -
Celebration of Success
EXT. KAREN’S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
Karen is leaving the house and a notification hits her phone
with a loud ding. Her YouTube account is showing a payment:
$157.19. She smiles triumphantly.
INT. GROCERY STORE - CONTINUOUS
Karen cashes her check at the service counter. Walking out,
she passes a magazine cover with Penny and Captain on the
cover, titled “The Perfect Mom”. Karen allows herself a
smile.
Pulling out her phone, she dials.
KAREN
Hi honey. Let’s go out tonight.
We’re celebrating.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL MUSIC ROOM - MORNING
Bryston arrives to the music room and stops in the doorway.
Simone is playing the piano softly and singing sweetly.
Bryston is clearly smitten. His phone rumbles in his pocket.
KAREN (TEXT)
Running late. Be there in a few.
Thinking quickly, Bryston uses his camera phone to record
Simone. Bryston is breathing hard, betraying his usually
cool exterior.
As she finishes, she notices him.
SIMONE
Oh God. That’s embarrassing.
BRYSTON
Nothing embarrassing about that.
Wow.... Just wow.
Simone blushes. They share an unspoken, sweet second before
Karen tramples on the moment.
KAREN (OUT OF BREATH)
I... ran. Why did I run? I
don’t.... Who knows?
As Karen sits hyperventilating, Bryston produces his phone.
Bryston shows them both their number of subscribers, which
has climbed to 1,000,000.
53.
BRYSTON
Your channel hit a nerve. People
love how real and messy your life
is.
KAREN
Holy shirt! So unexpected. I
thought we were just having some
fun.
SIMONE
I’m gonna have a panic attack.
Bryston puts his hand on Simone’s shoulder.
BRYSTON
Right? When my channel started to
take off, I blew groceries.
Karen looks confused.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
I unswallowed.
Karen looks like she has a headache.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
I puked. Hard. Often. On and off
for a week. No cap.
SIMONE
For real?
BRYSTON
But it was a good puke. A cleansing
puke. I chucked out all my doubts.
All my insecurities. And when it
was over, all that was left was a
bad taste in my mouth. Like
burning, wet garbage. But also...
Karen and Simone lean in.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
Confidence. But I wouldn’t have it
if I never would have put myself
out there. You feel it?
KAREN
Yes Sensei. I feel it.
54.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
20 -
Fun and Games with Karen and Simone
INT. KAREN’S HOUSE – VARIOUS
KAREN (V.O.)
Hey Guys! This is Karen.
SIMONE
And I’m Simone.
MONTAGE:
— KAREN AND SIMONE DOING UNBOXING VIDEOS
- KAREN GOOFING AROUND WITH HER STUDENTS
- KAREN AND SIMONE DOING REACTION VIDEOS
- BRYSTON AND SIMONE ALONE TOGETHER, TALKING
- KAREN AND SIMONE MAKE PRANKING VIDEOS
- KAREN AND SIMONE LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT
- BRYSTON AND SIMONE ALONE TOGETHER, KISSING. SIMONE GETS A
TEXT FROM PIPER. SHE IGNORES IT AND KISSES HIM AGAIN.
PIPER (TEXT)
Hey Simone. where you been?
hellloooo?
- BRYSTON CHECKING THE NUMBERS. SUBSCRIBERS GOING THROUGH THE
ROOF
- KAREN APPROACHING TOM AFTER SCHOOL
TOM
Well, well, well. Looks like Karen
got her groove back.
KAREN
That movie where Angela Bassett
dates a younger man? Hmmm. If only
I had a younger man. Are you a
younger man, Tom?
TOM
I think we’re roughly the same
age...
KAREN
Just play along.
55.
TOM
So, I’m Taye Diggs in this
scenario? I suppose that makes
sense. I mean, look at me.
He is not Taye Diggs.
KAREN
Keep talking, Tom.
TOM
Well, I’m not too young, but I am
very immature for my age. For
instance, is it customary for a man
of my vintage to have so many LEGOs
in his house? It is not.
KAREN
Ooooo. Say more sexy things.
TOM
Girl, I’m a middle aged man with a
beanbag chair. Can you get down
with that?
KAREN
I can get down with that daddy.
Tom crinkles his nose.
KAREN (CONT'D)
That was weird. It was. My mouth
felt wrong saying it.
TOM
Call me Tom. My students call me
Mr. Nuds. Or Deez Nuds. Or Nuds
Sack. Or Harry Nuds Jr. Or...
KAREN
Shh. Tom. Say less sexy things.
As Karen and Tom go their separate ways, a SKINNY SIXTH
GRADER, who has been listening to their conversation, stares
in to the distance, traumatized.
MONTAGE
- KAREN AND SIMONE RACE THROUGH A TITANIC-THEMED ESCAPE ROOM
SUPERIMPOSE: ESCAPE ROOM MARATHON
Karen lies down on a fancy chaise lounge, seductively.
56.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Paint me like one of your French
girls, Jack.
Simone wrinkles her nose.
-KAREN AND SIMONE UNLOAD A HUGE SEMI-TRILER TRUCK AT A
RECYCLING CENTER.
SUPERIMPOSE: ZERO WASTE CHALLENGE
SIMONE
We are out here promoting
sustainability and environmental
consciousness. Right Mom?
Karen rides into frame on a conveyor belt.
KAREN
You betcha, honey.
Simone smiles, then looks concerned.
SIMONE
Mom? You good?
Karen tries vainly, clumsily to exit the conveyor belt,
somersaulting awkwardly.
- KAREN AND SIMONE ROLL UP TO A HOSPITAL
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
21 -
Acts of Kindness
EXT. URBAN HOSPITAL - DAY
INT. NURSES STATION - CONTINUOUS
SUPERIMPOSE: RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS ROADTRIP
Simone races in, with her arms loaded with BOUQUETS OF
FLOWERS.
SIMONE
We appreciate you!!!!!
The nurses laugh and hug simone. One sheds a tear.
EXT. APPLEBEES RESTAURANT - DAY
Karen and Simone race up to two servers, standing on the side
of the building smoking. She starts to hand them GIFT CARDS,
as Simone records the transaction on her phone.
57.
KAREN
Here you go.....
She squints to read the name tags.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Ummm, Zanthony....
Zanthony reluctantly takes the card.
KAREN (CONT'D)
And... Phelony. With a “Ph”.
Phelony reads the gift card.
PHELONY
What’s this? Like a joke?
ZANTHONY
Yeah, why are you recording us?
KAREN
Oh, right. We are doing a little
YouTube thing. Random Acts of...
ZANTHONY
It’s a prank. Are you trying to
prank us?
PHELONY
Why would I want a gift card for
Applebees? I work at Applebees. I
could get the employee discount. If
the food didn’t make me sick.
ZANTHONY
I can smell Applebee's in my sleep.
I never eat here.
They hand the gift cards back to Karen.
KAREN
Well... I’m sorry. But it’s a
challenge. So...
Karen hands the cards back.
ZANTHONY
Oh. Well that’s different.
Zanthony flings the gift cards back at Karen.
58.
Karen, bends to pick them up and starts to walk away. As the
employees resume their conversation, Karen PIVOTS, RACES BACK
AND THROWS THE GIFT CARDS AT THEM, OVERHAND, AND SPRINTS
AWAY.
KAREN
You’re welcome! I’m sorry!!!
- KAREN GETTING MORE BANK DEPOSITS FROM YOUTUBE, HER EYES
WIDE
- KAREN AND SIMONE GOING SHOPPING AT A HOME GOODS STORE,
RINGING UP A HUGE ORDER
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
22 -
Unexpected Visit
INT. KAREN’S HOUSE - SATURDAY MORNING
Karen is reviewing comments on the YouTube channel
compulsively, as Simone emerges from her room toting a small
suitcase.
The doorbell rings, and Karen answers. It’s REESE, Simone’s
dad and Karen’s ex. He is FORTY GOING ON TWENTY, in his own
mind. He is squeezed into non-compliant skinny jeans and
wears a football jersey and ballcap. It’s a ridiculous sight
to all but Reese.
He is accompanied by BREE, an actual twenty-something. She is
all attitude and bad choices.
REESE
What’s up Kare-bear? Where’s my
baby girl?
KAREN
Reese... What are you wearing?
BREE (INTERJECTING)
Me mostly.
Bree grabs Karen’s hand and shakes it aggressively.
BREE (CONT'D)
I’m Bree.
KAREN
I’m nauseous... I’m Karen.
BREE
Karen, I’ve heard a lot about you.
Mostly weird stuff. But good to
meet you.
Karen snarls but restrains herself.
59.
KAREN
You’re older than I was expecting,
actually.
BREE
Awesome! You too!
Reese pulls Karen aside.
REESE
Hey Karen, the place looks great!
You get a big tax return or
something?
KAREN
Something like that.
REESE
So listen. On that note... Do you
think you could front me some bank?
I’m a tad light and I want to take
my little girl out.
KAREN
I’m not endorsing, much less
subsidizing this creepy May-
December thing you got going here.
BREE
Actually, we started seeing each
other in June. When classes ended
for summer vacay.
Karen glares.
KAREN
Classic story. Creepy older guy,
illicit game of spin the bottle.
Sparks flew...
REESE
For your information, I was talking
about celebrating with my daughter.
Our daughter.
KAREN
I thought you were doing better.
Working steady.
REESE (WHISPERING)
You know I’m disabled!
60.
KAREN
We have been over this. Erectile
dysfunction is not a disability!
Reese pulls her aside.
REESE
It compromises my quality of life.
And do you know how much my pills
cost? $700 a month.
KAREN
Nobody needs that many!!!
REESE
Look, she can’t keep her hands off
me. And I’m not a kid anymore.
Plus, I’ve been working a side gig
at the bank.
KAREN (SURPRISED)
A bank hired you? After the fraud
thing?
REESE
It’s a... special kind of bank...
That handles certain kinds... of
transactions...
Karen recoils.
KAREN
Ah God! Is it sperm?
RESSE
Indeed. And, really it’s my main
gig. As a, you know, professional
donor.
KAREN
That’s not a job, man. It’s how
lowlifes get a sandwich together.
REESE
You can’t just extract the good
stuff. I have to be, you know...
turgid. That’s a lot of erections.
So many!!
Karen flinches, and gestures to Simone and Bree.
KAREN
Hey. Not in front of the children.
Inappropriate.
61.
REESE
C’mon Kare-Bare. One last time?
KAREN
Look Reese. Your life is your
thing. You do you. It’s what you’re
good at. But this is the last time.
I can’t keep supporting you. You’re
a grown ass man. Sort of.
REESE
One hundred percent. How much can
you spare?
From across the room, Simone watches the sorry transaction.
BREE (TO SIMONE)
We’re going to have so much fun,
girlfriend!
Simone walks up hugs her mom.
KAREN
Have a good playdate honey.
Simone laughs.
SIMONE
What are you going to do this
weekend?
KAREN
I’ll find something to keep me out
of trouble.
Karen closes the door and watches them leave. As they pull
away, another car pulls up.
It’s Tom. He has a number of bags under his arms, and a
bouquet of flowers. Karen smiles a huge, cleansing smile.
Tom drops a bag, then another. He picks up the bag, then
drops the flowers. He looks up and sees Karen watching him
from the window. He also smiles.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
23 -
A Clash of Approaches
EXT. PENNY'S HOUSE - DAY
The palatial home is ULTRA MODERN, with glass doors, white
walls and loads of stainless steel. The living area segues
into a set of offices, buzzing with Penny’s production team.
62.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Penny reviews a PowerPoint presentation with her team of
Millenial content experts.
PENNY
We just lost 400,000 subs. I didn’t
say anything racist. I didn’t
insult the pope. What the hell
happened? Ash?
ASH is a fast-talking kid with neck tats and wild, green
hair.
ASH
Well, we’ve done some research. Dug
into the comments. The numbers. The
trends.
PENNY
And?
ASH
As near as I can tell, a ton of
people are watching MOM AND ME.
PENNY
The fat slob?
ASH
People like her. She’s real. The
whole ‘perfect mom’ thing is not
relatable.
PENNY
But the whole ‘hot mess’ thing is
relatable?
Ash nods.
PENNY (CONT'D)
I give women something to aspire
to!
ASH
You make a lot of them feel like
failures.
PENNY
If they don’t want to feel like
failures, they should stop failing.
Ash throws up a MOM AND ME video on the screen. He pauses it
on Karen’s face, in another unflattering in-between moment.
63.
ASH
Meanwhile, she is telling them they
are amazing just the way they are.
Their mistakes are beautiful. Their
imperfections are perfect.
PENNY
What kind of softheaded, new age
garbage is that?
Ash pulls up an article on the screen, featuring Karen and
Simone, entitled NEW MOM IN TOWN.
Penny bristles.
ASH
It’s the next big thing.
PENNY
We have built something special.
Something that affects people.
Something that supports my family,
as well as all of you college
dropouts.
Penny gestures to Karen’s face.
PENNY (CONT'D)
We have survived a lot of ‘next big
things’. Are we going to let this
next, big, ugly thing take that
away from us?
Penny’s staff all look around at each other.
PENNY (CONT'D)
We are not.
Genres:
["Comedy","Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
24 -
Drunk Confrontation and a Surprising Revelation
EXT. REESE’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Reese’s place is messy, small and covered in posters taped to
the wall. Simone is asleep on the couch, as Reese enters
loudly, propping up a visibly drunk Bree and helping her into
the bedroom.
He emerges a few seconds later. Simone props herself up.
SIMONE
What happened to ‘daddy issues’?
She ok?
64.
RESSE
Oh yeah. As long as she doesn’t
roll over on her back, she won’t
choke to death. On her own, you
know... vomit.
SIMONE
Yikes.
REESE
Wooo. Tonight was... Off. The.
Chain. How are you doing, princess?
SIMONE
Dad, we’ve got to talk.
REESE
What’s up, buttercup?
SIMONE
W. T... the actual F are you doing
with your life?
REESE
What do you mean?
SIMONE
You know what I mean. It’s not good
for a daughter to see her dad
living like this.
REESE
Look, babycakes. I’m just trying to
get my stuff together. You know,
the divorce just devastated me.
SIMONE
You left mom! Ten years ago!
REESE
And it killed me to do it. Besides,
it seems like she is doing well for
herself.
SIMONE
She actually is. Like, you have no
idea.
Simone raises her eyebrows. Reese isn’t exceptionally
perceptive, but he catches this one.
REESE
Well ok. But c’mon. She’s just a
teacher.
65.
SIMONE
There’s so much more to her than
that. You’ll see. You’ll wish you
had never left her.
REESE
Oh really? What has she got going
on? She seeing somebody?
SIMONE
Maybe.
REESE
Big deal. That all you got?
Simone is conflicted. Reese smiles at her softly,
manipulatively.
SIMONE
We started something together.
Something big.
Reese’s wheels are spinning.
LATER
Reese gingerly tucks Simone into bed.
Tiptoeing through the house, he sits and pulls out his phone.
Searching YouTube, he stumbles upon MOM AND ME videos.
KAREN (O.S.)
Hey guys it’s me, Karen!
SIMONE (O.S.)
And me, Simone! And this is Mom and
Me. We have been overwhelmed by the
response to our channel, and in
this video, we will be celebrating
our 10 millionth subscriber.
Reese pauses the video, blown away.
FLASHBACK TO REESE’S CONVERSATION WITH SIMONE
REESE
So, lots of people watch the
videos. So what?
SIMONE
So what? Don’t you get it? The
channel runs ads. The ads generate
revenue. She is getting big money
from this. Soon...
66.
REESE
Soon what?
CUT TO:
Genres:
["Drama","Family","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
25 -
Karen's Resignation
INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE - MORNING
SIMONE (V.O.)
She’s going full time.
Karen struts confidently into the principal’s office and
hands him a letter.
KAREN
Good morning, Doug. I am tendering
my resignation.
Doug doesn’t look up from his computer.
DOUG
Sure.
Karen waits for more. Doesn’t get it.
KAREN
I am not satisfied with my role
here. Today is my last day.
DOUG
Understood.
Long beat.
KAREN
I... I just feel that my
contributions aren’t appreciated.
DOUG
Makes sense.
Long silence.
KAREN
Are they appreciated? Doug?
DOUG
I mean... probably someone does.
KAREN
Don’t you want to do an exit
interview? Maybe get some feedback
about how you can run things better
around here?
67.
DOUG
I’m good. We done?
Karen gets up to walk out. Catching herself at the door, she
spins and adopts a power stance.
KAREN
Not ‘we done’. I done! You’re still
here, doing a half-ass job.
Counting the days to retirement.
Wiping your ass with taxpayer
dollars. But not me. I done, Doug.
I done!
Doug sits wide-eyed.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
26 -
Karen's Explosive Exit
INT. KAREN’S CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS
Karen packs up her desk into a cardboard box.
INT. HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Karen carries her box down the hallway. Head held high.
Students watch her. Teachers watch her. Simone and Bryston
watch her.
She walks right up to Tom. He nods. She grabs him and kisses
him. Aggressively. Awkwardly. Sort of obscenely.
‘Mean girl’ teachers make rude faces at the display. Karen
walks up to the leader, and smacks the iced coffee out of her
hand. The kids go crazy as Karen walks out the front doors,
middle finger raised over her shoulder in triumph.
Simone raises her eyebrows. Bryston looks impressed.
TOM
That was. So. Hot.
INT. REESE’S APARTMENT - DAY
Karen is picking up Simone, helping to carry all of her
effects. Reese sidles up.
REESE
What’s up Kare-bear? How’s work
going?
KAREN (NERVOUS)
Work is good. You know, education.
It’s a... a labor of love, for me.
(MORE)
68.
KAREN (NERVOUS) (CONT'D)
Personally. I... believe... the
children are our future.
REESE
Sure, sure. Broadening those minds,
right? It takes a village and so
forth.
KAREN
See you around Reese.
Karen approaches Bree and pulls her aside.
KAREN (WHISPERING) (CONT'D)
Run. You hear me? Run. Run like the
wind and never look back.
BREE
Huh?
KAREN
Pack light. Disappear in the middle
of the night. He is lazy, so you
don’t have to worry about him
coming to look for you.
Karen and Simone leave, bags in tow.
BREE
She’s nice.
REESE
No. Don’t. Do not sympathize with
her. She is a manipulator.
BREE
What do you mean?
REESE
She’s been holding out on me.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
27 -
A New Beginning
INT. FIVE STAR RESTAURANT - NIGHT
Karen, Simone and Shirley are all dressed up for a night on
the town. The group is seated at a prime table in the posh,
gourmet spot.
SHIRLEY
Holy cripes, Karen. Look at this
place. Somebody’s skipping the rent
this month.
69.
Simone is busy taking selfies of the extravagant window
views.
KAREN
I told you, ma. One day, you were
going to be proud of me.
SHIRLEY
Who says I’ve never been proud of
you until now?
KAREN
Look, I brought you both out here
because I have an announcement.
Karen has the floor, and the full attention of her daughter
and mother.
KAREN (CONTINUED) (CONT'D)
I’m building us a house.
Stunned silence. She holds up a tablet with architectural
drawings.
KAREN (CONTINUED) (CONT'D)
5,000 square feet. In the suburbs.
I hired the contractor and they’re
ready to start as soon as we
finalize the floorplan.
SHIRLEY
5,000 square feet? You don’t need
all that space!
Simone is still in shock.
KAREN
Well, we’re going to need office
space and multi-purpose rooms and
sets, for the channel. And, mom, I
was hoping... maybe you could move
in with us.
SHIRLEY
The hell? Are you kidding me?
KAREN
It’s just that, I never wanted you
in that home. I just couldn’t take
care of you. But now, we can get a
live-in nurse... It’ll be great.
70.
SHIRLEY
How are you gonna pay for it?
Teacher money? Been saving your
nickels and dimes?
KAREN
I just signed a deal that will make
sure we are taken care of for the
rest of our lives.
Shirley should be impressed but isn’t.
SHIRLEY
What about my boyfriend? We’re very
serious.
KAREN
The Crypt Keeper?
SHIRLEY (INCENSED)
Hey, he has a name! It’s....
Mmmmmm...
Karen and Simone look at Shirley, then each other.
SHIRLEY (CONT'D)
I want to say Beauregard?
SIMONE
Mom, what about school? I don’t
want to change schools. All my
friends are there.
KAREN
I thought you might say that. Look,
you can finish out the year, but
you might change your mind when you
see what the suburban schools
offer.
Simone looks unconvinced.
SIMONE
What do you think Grandma?
Shirley furrow her brow, concentrating.
SHIRLEY
Shanley? It’s definitely Shanley.
KAREN
And baby, there’s something you’re
going to love.
71.
SHIRLEY
It’s definitely not Shanley. Why
did I think it was? Not a name!
Karen ignores her mom.
KAREN
You get to help design parts of the
house.
Simone’s eyes flash.
SIMONE
Oh my God. Really?
KAREN
Yes! You get to come up with
concepts and work with the
architect and interior designer to
set the vision. You’re really good
at that, much better than me. It
just makes sense.
SHIRLEY
That’s right!
SIMONE
I’m in!
Shirley snaps her fingers.
SHIRLEY
Ted. His name is Ted. And I’m good
where I am.
Karen frowns.
SHIRLEY (CONT'D)
Don’t you sell my house.
KAREN
Mom... I’m getting a new one...
SHIRLEY
It’s all I have left of your
father. Please.
Karen nods.
72.
Genres:
["Drama","Family"]
Ratings
Scene
28 -
Betrayal at the Mall
EXT. SHOPPING MALL - DAY
Simone and the mean girls from school are hanging out at the
food court, eating, comparing their spoils, and making fun of
everyone who walks by. Willow points at a middle aged woman
in workout gear.
WILLOW
Eww. If I ever get that old and
gross, slit my throat.
Simone laughs. She feels cool for once.
The other girls start mocking a developmentally disabled
adult man who is emptying the trash nearby. Simone crunches
her nose a little.
SCARLETT
Your boyfriend works here? Bitch
you never told me!
Simone is very embarrassed.
VOICE (O.S)
Hey Simone!
From a distance the girls see Piper. She is all decked out in
an elaborate ANIME CHARACTER COSTUME, complete with brightly
colored dress, and bright blue wig. Not surprisingly, cosplay
is not considered to be socially acceptable by Willow and her
gang. Unwittingly, Piper approaches Simone.
PIPER
Hey girl! I’ve been blowing up your
phone. Are you ghosting me?
Simone shrinks, ignoring Piper. She is basically abandoning
her old friend to the wolves, who pounce.
SCARLETT
That hoe over there is in my fourth
hour. She is so cringe.
LOLA
Cosplay is so retarded.
WILLOW
She looks like a commercial for a
prescription for lifelong
virginity. ‘Side effects include
being undateable’.
The girls let out hoots and hollers. Piper acts shocked to
the point of tears, then throws her hands up.
73.
PIPER
Is that all you got? I eat weak
burns for breakfast.
Willow gestures to Simone.
WILLOW
Roast this bitch, Simone.
Simone shrinks.
SIMONE
She... She’s dressed as...
Sympathetically, Piper nods as if to say, it’s ok.
SIMONE (CONT'D)
She looks like Munchausen by Proxy,
if it was a person.
Simone is selling it. She leans in, with mock sympathy.
SIMONE (CONT'D)
Blink once if your mom is hurting
you.
Willow and the mean girls are shocked.
ALL GIRLS
Oooh Dayum!!!! Roasted!!
Piper is honestly offended.
PIPER
Not bad. For a frickin’ sellout.
Blink once if you just became
everything you used to hate.
That hits a nerve with Simone. She is pissed.
SIMONE
Sellout? At least I don’t look like
pedophile bait. I keep looking
around for Chris Hanson to pop out
and arrest somebody.
Piper straightens up, gathering her dignity. She leans into
Simone.
WILLOW
You helped me pick this one out.
Remember?
74.
Piper turns and walks away, starting to tear up. Simone is
left with the mean girls, who rub her shoulders and dab her
up. She looks conflicted, but not enough to follow her old
friend.
Genres:
["Drama","Teen","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
29 -
Confrontation Over Endorsement
INT. BRYSTON’S ROOM - DAY
Bryston reads an online news story about Karen, entitled The
New Face of Motherhood. Bryston frowns.
Continuing, he reads one part aloud.
BRYSTON
“Schitzlinger has even signed a six
figure deal to feature LOLLYDOLL
brand products in her videos.”
Bryston tosses his laptop on the couch.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
Oh, hell no.
INT. KAREN’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Karen packs up a conspicuously expensive-looking lighting
rig. The apartment is littered with cardboard boxes and
moving supplies. Karen tapes a box as the doorbell rings.
It’s Bryston.
BRYSTON
You guys moving or something?
Karen does not look up.
KAREN
We have new digs. I think you’ll
find the production equipment to be
a big upgrade... Not to mention
staff...
BRYSTON
What are you doing, Mrs. S?
Seriously? Lollydoll?
KAREN
Don’t be naïve Bryston. You know
how this works. Everybody does it
at some point.
BRYSTON
Not me. Never.
75.
Karen stands tall.
KAREN
I’m not gonna apologize for making
a deal that will send Simone to the
best design school in the country.
Costs more than Harvard. You can’t
do that on a teacher salary.
BRYSTON
Are you aware that Lollydoll uses
child labor in China to make their
clothes?
KAREN
Oh God. Who doesn’t? You still use
your iPhone don’t you. Steve Jobs
is still a frickin’ saint.
BRYSTON
This is messed up. I didn’t sign up
for all this. You guys are heading
for a massive faceplant, the most
epic fail. You know that right?
(beat) I’m out.
Bryston starts to pack up.
KAREN
Oh, you’re out. Bryston? You think
there aren’t a hundred you’s out
there?!!
Genres:
["Drama"]
Ratings
Scene
30 -
Domestic Discord
EXT. KAREN'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Simone is walking in, and runs into Bryston.
BRYSTON
Yo, your mom is off her medication.
I have to bail out of the plane
before it crashes.
Simone is wearing a branded MOM AND ME T-SHIRT.
SIMONE
What are you talking about?
BRYSTON
She sold out, bae. She is not doing
this for you. She is leveling up
her status and grabbing for a
check.
76.
He gestures to her t-shirt.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
Looks like you are too.
Simone stiffens. Bryston braces for impact.
SIMONE
She said this would happen. We
finally are on top, and everybody
is trying to tear us down? I just
didn’t think it would be you.
BRYSTON
On top? You mean hanging with
popular kids and living the good
life? Those bitches will devour you
the second you don’t amuse them.
SIMONE
And you didn’t even wait that long!
Bryston tries to console her, and is rebuffed.
SIMONE (CONT'D)
Get off me! I’m over it. Go back to
your geek stuff.
Bryston slinks away.
INT. KAREN'S HOUSE - EVENING
REESE can be seen through the keyhole, wearing an ill-fitting
SUIT, and bearing a BOTTLE OF WINE and TWO GLASSES. Karen
winces, then opens the door.
REESE
Hey Kare Bear. How’s it goin? Are
you flowin?
KAREN
What are you doing Reese?
REESE
You know, I just been thinking.
Maybe it’s time I grew up. Put away
foolish things. I been messing with
girls so long I forgot what it’s
like to be with a woman…
Karen plays along.
77.
KAREN
Oh really? Please. Won’t you sit
down...
Karen leads Reese to the couch, and they sit. Reese PURS TWO
GLASSES, and they toast. Reese grabs her hands.
KAREN
Oh!
REESE
Look Kare Bear, I know I wasn’t who
you thought I would be. But it’s
never too late to be who I was
meant to be.
KAREN
And who’s that?
REESE
Your partner. In the boardroom. And
in the bedroom. You know I have got
chops. I’m a born performer. On
camera. And... in the bedroom.
Maybe both at the same time?
Karen whispers oos and ahhs as he speaks. Reese goes in for
the kill, leaning in for a kiss and a grope simultaneously.
Karen blocks both like a muay thai champion.
KAREN
I always had a hard time resisting
your moves. It’s not so tough
anymore.
Karen shoves him off the couch.
REESE
Kare Bear!
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
31 -
Mom & Me Channel's Battle Plan
INT. KAREN’S NEW HOUSE/PRODUCTION STUDIO – DAY
Karen leads her team of millennial production staff through a
meeting.
KAREN
Take a look at this...
Karen pulls up a CAPTAIN & PENNY VIDEO ON A LARGE SCREEN
MONITOR.
SUPERIMPOSE: TO THE HATERS...
78.
Penny holds up her phone is selfie mode. This is unlike the
rest of her highly produced content.
PENNY (ONSCREEN)
Hey guys. Everybody’s talking about
Mom & Me. Look I get it. The Mom &
Me channel presents an alternative
version of motherhood. Lots of
people love it. The Pop Tarts for
dinner. The mockery of everything
that we put our hearts into here at
Penny & Captain. The anti-Penny.
Awesome.
Karen clenches her jaw.
PENNY (ONSCREEN) (CONT'D)
There’s room for everyone. But, now
it’s time for the Penny Patrol to
mobilize. Let’s set the natural
order of things back where it
belongs. Do we want to have
something to aspire to? Or do we
want to celebrate mediocrity?
Karen pauses the video.
KAREN
This bitch is declaring war. We
have to put the pedal to the floor.
Zach. Whaddya got?
ZACH
Right. We have a full slate of new
content planned. Through our
corporate partnerships we are going
to do some unboxing videos. Really
tie in the Mom & Me line of
products.
Karen looks at Simone, who looks disengaged.
ZACH (CONT'D)
We are going to unveil the new
house, do some virtual tours
showing off the space.
Karen again looks to Simone. Nothing. A metaphorical
tumbleweed rolls by.
KAREN
Simone, here’s something you’ll
love. We are launching an anti-
bullying campaign.
79.
Simone looks up, almost curious.
SIMONE
You know what, yeah. Let’s do it.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
32 -
Simone's Struggle
INT. STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ash and the team manipulate BOOM MIKES and LIGHTING and
record as Karen and Simone attempt to make magic.
KAREN
Welcome to Mom & Me. Today we are
launching our new initiative, “No
Trolls”. Simone?
Simone speaks flatly into the camera.
SIMONE
We all know bullying is a big
issue. Now is your chance to take a
stand….
LATER
Karen approaches Simone with a TABLET, watching the results.
KAREN
Let’s try it again, with a little
more juice this time…
SIMONE
My juicer is dry. Look…
Simone pulls Karen aside.
SIMONE (CONT'D)
Can you do the rest without me? I
need some time to myself.
KAREN
Simone, we are in the middle of a
launch…
SIMONE
Mom. Please. I can’t.
KAREN
Is this about Bryston?
SIMONE
This is about everything. Things
are moving so fast.
80.
Karen looks around at all the people milling around.
KAREN
Sure. Honey. Of course. Take a
little time to regroup.
Simone wanders off. Karen calls out.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Simone? Love you...
No response.
Zach comes up with his tablet.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Zach, people need to know what a
phony Penny is. We need to put some
content together. This is going to
get messy.
Genres:
["Drama","Family","YouTube"]
Ratings
Scene
33 -
Simone Confronts Cyberbullying
EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE – NIGHT
A high school party is raging. Kids shuffle in and out of the
house. Simone walks in, trailing her new friends.
SCARLETT
Let’s roast people.
Simone frowns.
SIMONE
You know, I’m good. I’ll catch up
later.
LOLA
You gonna need to need to step it
up, girl. You’re getting boring.
SCARLETT
That’s real.
Simone stands alone and still, watching the party move and
evolve, like a living creature before her. It seems that
everywhere she goes, she is out of place. Then, A FAMILIAR
VOICE…
BRYSTON
Hey.
Simone half-smiles.
81.
SIMONE
Hey.
A long silence.
BRYSTON
Wow, your dress is amazing. You
won’t be standing alone for long.
SIMONE
I’m good by myself.
BRYSTON
Where you been?
SIMONE
You know. Around.
BRYSTON
I mean, you haven’t been on the
channel much. The last few videos
are all Karen.
Simone shrugs.
SIMONE
I’m not feeling it lately. She went
down the capitalist rabbit hole.
BRYSTON
That’s not all.
Simone raises an eyebrow. Bryston opens his backpack and
produces his LAPTOP.
BRYSTON (CONT'D)
Check this out.
Simone squints to read text on the screen. Her mouth drops
open.
SIMONE
Trolls. So what?
BRYSTON
I found these posts on one of
Karen’s anonymous accounts. I went
in to clean stuff up for you guys.
So you can run it yourselves. You
know, since I’m not… since we’re.
Not.
82.
SIMONE (READING)
Penny is a sad human tampon,
sucking the life out of everything
in her wake. Especially her son.
The fat, walking corpse.
Bryston shakes his head.
SIMONE (READING) (CONT'D)
You are trashholes. Do everyone a
favor and disappear.
Simone cringes.
BRYSTON
This is all going fubar fast.
Genres:
["Drama","Teen","Social Issues"]
Ratings
Scene
34 -
Confrontation and Closure
INT. KAREN’S HOUSE - MORNING
Karen’s troop of helpers are carrying cardboard boxes. Shelly
gingerly boxes up dishes.
KAREN
Ma. Just toss those. We bought all
new stuff!
Shelly looks hurt.
SHELLY
I bought you these for Christmas.
Simone approaches somberly.
KAREN
All right baby. Moving day!! Can
you feel the electricity?
SHELLY
Feels more like a funeral to me.
And I know. I literally have a
standing weekly appointment to bury
somebody.
SIMONE
I’m not going with you.
KAREN
What do you mean? The house that we
built.
Simone produces the TABLET.
83.
SIMONE
What are these?
Karen glances at the COMMENTS.
KAREN
That wasn’t me. I wouldn’t…
Simone points at the USERNAME.
SIMONE
Isn’t this another account you use?
It was you. And you would…
KAREN
Hey. I know this is not good. But
you saw the shit they were saying
about me.
SIMONE
Mom! You are literally launching an
anti-bullying campaign. People have
died because of stuff like this!
KAREN
Oh I get it. Nobody likes the new
me. In control. Winning all day.
Finally finding myself. Screw you
guys then. I do all the heavy
lifting anyway.
Simone looks up. TEARS in her eyes. Karen freezes.
SIMONE
What happened to you? You may not
have been a lot of things, but you
were always good. No matter how bad
it was. You were good. That was
your thing.
Karen reaches for her daughter.
KAREN
And where did that get me?
Simone spins and bolts, middle finger extended. Not stopping,
she unholsters her PHONE and dials REESE.
SIMONE
Hey dad. Can I crash with you
tonight? Yeah. Actually, might be
for a little while. Is that cool?
84.
KAREN
Aww don’t do that!
SHELLY
Let her go. She needs to cool off.
And you..
Shelly hauls off and slaps the back of Karen’s head.
KAREN
Ma!!
SHELLY
All the abuse you took. When you
were in school. They picked on you
something terrible. This what you
want to be? One of them?
Karen looks her mother dead in the eye.
KAREN
I have been eating shit with a big
spoon for my whole life. I have
been ridiculed, and humiliated, and
shamed, and laughed at for forty
years. They have hunted me for
sport. And you want me to just keep
taking it? What kind of mother are
you?
Shelly is shocked.
KAREN (CONT'D)
I’m the hunter now.
Shelly drops the box of dishes she gave Karen, and they
shatter.
SHELLY
How long you been waiting to say
that to me?
KAREN
Since forever. Graduation day. When
you sat there quiet while the
popular kids destroyed me during my
speech.
SHELLY
I wanted you to handle it for
yourself. I was wrong. You should
have said it to me then. Anger is
healthy when it’s fresh. But you
let it fester and rot.
(MORE)
85.
SHELLY (CONT'D)
It becomes something else entirely.
And it will eat you from the inside
out.
Shelly walks away. Karen stands grinding her teeth. ZACH, a
very young looking assistant, approaches with a HANDS FREE
HEADSET and scrolling through a TABLET.
ZACH
Ma’am the team has the studio
ready. You literally just need to
show up with the magic.
Genres:
["Drama","Family"]
Ratings
Scene
35 -
Karen's Transformation
EXT. KAREN’S NEW HOUSE/STUDIO – DUSK
Karen’s new place is huge and modern, like something from
HGTV on steroids.
Tom punches the security code and opens the huge steel pivot
door, lugging a huge cardboard box.
INT. KAREN’S NEW HOUSE/STUDIO - CONTINUOUS
Simone’s fingerprints are all over the place, in touches and
FURNISHINGS AND DESIGN FLOURISHES. Which would make for a
tasteful home, except Karen has filled it full of GAUDY
STATUS SYMBOLS and assorted SILLY RICH PEOPLE SHIT.
Tom tours the huge home, finding Karen, scrolling endlessly
through comments on her page in the command center, a
conference room with a HUGE MONITOR, displaying the channel’s
views and comments and stats in real time and in huge
letters. For example...
BOSSBITCH1989 (TEXT ONSCREEN)
Karen is so relatable.
SWETTYNOOB (TEXT ONSCREEN)
She’s so milfy.
ISTANMATTHEWLILLARD (TEXT ONSCREEN)
She is our mom now. All of us.
VAGNASTY (TEXT ONSCREEN)
Our queen must be protected at all
costs.
Tom observes, finally interrupting.
TOM
It’s a lot of house, ain’t it?
86.
Karen smugly reads the comments, not noticing her boyfriend.
She can’t tear her eyes away.
TOM (CONT'D)
Is that a T-Rex skull?
Crickets.
TOM (CONT'D)
Karen?!
Karen doesn’t look up.
KAREN
This is my new life, Tom. You have
to be big enough to step into it.
Are you big enough? Tom?
Tom frowns.
TOM (UNDER HIS BREATH)
I’m not sure anyone is.
LATER
Karen supervises her rapidly growing staff. Tom sits on the
couch bored out of his mind. He fiddles with his phone.
KAREN
We’re going to fill this whole area
full of packing peanuts.
Tom stands up and takes Karen by the hand.
TOM
Hey babe. We should celebrate.
Catch a movie on that humongous
scoreboard?. Netflix? Or chill?
Netflix AND chill?
Karen looks past him to see what her team is working on.
KAREN
We don’t have time. You have a
production meeting on your calendar
don’t you? This place doesn’t pay
for itself. Let’s go Tom. Time to
make a memory.
Tom nods and sighs as he passes a FRAMED PHOTO OF KAREN AND
SIMONE,. Happier times.
87.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
36 -
Temptation and Retribution
INT. REECE’S APARTMENT – LATE NIGHT
Bree does her makeup, while Reece paces.
BREE
I really think she is starting to
like me. Simone. She said I was
obtuse!
REESE
Damn right you are.
BREE
Are you even listening?
REESE
Sorry Breezy. I’m just figuring out
my next move. I can’t get alimony,
I think it’s been too long.
Reese’s phone comes to life.
REESE (CONT'D)
Talk to me.
There is a DEEP, DISTORTED VOICE on the other end.
VOICE
Reese Griese?
REESE
Speaking.
VOICE
This is a concerned party with
common interests. How would you
like to make enough money to never
work again.
REESE
I mean. I am just barely marginally
employed at present…
VOICE
How would you like to upgrade your
lifestyle AND knock your ex-wife
off her high horse?
REESE
I’m listening.
LATER
88.
Reese checks to see that Simone is in the shower and SCROLLS
THROUGH HER PHONE.
INT. KAREN’S NEW HOUSE/STUDIO - DAY
Karen sits, godlike in her throne, watching her big screen as
it flickers with likes and shares and all the validation she
will ever need. She reads comments.
ZACH approaches and takes control of the BIG SCREEN with a
remote.
KAREN
What are you doing?
He pulls up a YouTube video entitled “Mom & Me: Exposed”.
PENNY (ONSCREEN)
Hey guys. Today’s video is going to
be a little bit different. Some of
you in the Penny Patrol may have
been seeing a lot of online hate, a
lot of trolling. The ugliness has
gotten so bad that I have had to
turn off comments while we got to
the bottom of things.
One of Karen’s HEINOUS COMMENTS is blown up on the screen.
PENNY (CONT'D)
Turns out, the culprit, the
unscrupulous villain who has
attacked our family, unprovoked…
Karen leans in and gulps.
PENNY(CONT’D) (CONT'D)
Is none other than America’s
sweetheart, Karen Shit-Slinger. She
has unleashed her army of welfare
queens and DMV workers against us.
Cut to a seriously UNFLATTERING SCREEN GRAB OF KAREN, being
Karen.
PENNY (ONSCREEN) (CONT'D)
It seems she and her gang of
enablers have decided if you can’t
beat them, slander them.The
hypocrisy. The queen of the
downtrodden victims of bullying is
perhaps the most toxic, hateful
bully of them all. She is a sham.
89.
Karen gets up and tries to shut off the big screen.
PENNY (ONSCREEN) (CONT'D)
Worst of all, she’s dragging her
poor sweet daughter down with her.
Karen freezes. That hurt.
PENNY (CONT'D)
Rise above, Penny Patrol. Turn the
other cheek. And kill them with
kindness. #Lovewins. #Hatersgonna
hate. #KancelKaren.Don’t forget to
click like or subscribe. And join
the movement.Cancel Karen.
Karen finally manages to pause the video. The comments are
scathing.
Karen searches her channel. Her SUBSCRIBERS begin to turn on
her, her numbers drastically reduce. She refreshes. Damning
Reaction videos pop up. The numbers shrink again. Refresh.
MASSIVE DROP IN NUMBERS. She sits on her throne of lost
dreams, watching it all fall apart.
Frantic, Karen pulls out her phone and GOES LIVE on YouTube.
KAREN
Hey guys. It’s me. Karen. You may
have heard some scurrilous
accusations against me. Let me
retort. Penny is a cunt and a liar.
I never bullied anyone that didn’t
bully me first. And I have been
bullied my whole life. This skinny
hoe is just the latest.
Zach and the other production staff stop and watch the big
screen, FILLED WITH KAREN’S IRATE FACE.
KAREN (CONT'D)
For example, there was Jamie
Slinker, the tater twat who pulled
my dress down and flashed the
entire homecoming dance. Burn in
hell, bitch.
Zach tries to yank the phone from Karen, and she shoves him
down hard.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Also, Jed Pipkorn.
(MORE)
90.
KAREN (CONT'D)
You and your band of chuckle fucks
bullied me so hard. During swim
class. The human sexuality unit in
health class. Well, I Facebook-
stalked you, you dry humping
dickslacker.
Karen holds up her phone.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Bald! Skinny. Loser. Look at you.
Karen scrolls through his Facebook photos. The pics show a
sick man surrounded by lots of supportive people. HOSPITAL
GOWN. GAUNT.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Even though it looks, on the
surface, like lots of people love
you, nobody loves you. And… it
would appear... That you are
recovering from… a type of serious
illness. Possibly.... cancer. So...
Karen looks to her assistants waving her off. Rage wins over
reason.
KAREN (CONT'D)
So... suck it. Karma is a bitch.You
fucked with the wrong girl.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
37 -
Karen's Rage
INT. REESE’S LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Simone watches Karen on her phone, in horror.
SIMONE
Oh, Mom.
SUPERIMPOSE: SIX MONTHS LATER
Karen sits in her throne, swigging a BOTTLE OF SCOTCH. She
looks like hell. She still compulsively scans YouTube. She
tries to search Mom & Me. Nothing comes up.
What does come up are a slew of REACTION VIDEOS by other
creators, with THUMBNAILS OF KAREN’ OUTBURST and titles like:
MOM FROM HELL, SCHITZ-SHOW, and KAREN KANCELLED!!!!
Meanwhile, MEN WITH HANDTRUCKS REMOVE A HUGE STATUE of KAREN.
Another mover packs up the T-Rex skull into a box.
Tom walks up somberly.
91.
TOM
I think that’s almost everything.
Karen pulls up the Penny & Captain channel on the big screen.
TOM (CONT'D)
Karen. Why...? It’s over! Let it
go!
INT. PENNY’S BACKYARD - DAY
On the screen is Penny, in front of a huge, multi-colored
obstacle course. The monstrosity has been constructed in her
back yard, with swinging boxing gloves and huge rotating
rolling pins. At the center rear, looming over the whole
thing, is a GIANT INFLATABLE CREATURE, snorting steam from
its nostrils. It looks suspiciously like Karen, down to her
big perm.
PENNY (ONSCREEN)
This week we’re going to be hosting
our latest Influencer Challenge.
Your favorite content creators will
be competing for $100,000, as they
take on our new obstacle course.
Life is full of obstacles. Big,
dumb, fat obstacles. The secret is
to never give up. That’s what
winners do. Right Captain?
CAPTAIN
Right Mom!
Karen is fuming.
KAREN
Oh. Hell. No.
Karen pops up and bolts to the door.
TOM
Karen! Don’t!
Tom helplessly watches as Karen tears off in her car. He gets
on his phone, which tells us he is calling SIMONE.
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
38 -
Confrontation at Penny's House
EXT. SHADY GROVE NURSING HOME - DAY
Simone helps Shirley onto the nursing home bus. About a dozen
residents are in seats. A couple of members of the nursing
home staff are smoking outside the bus before the trip.
92.
SIMONE
Grandma, what are we doing? Mom
needs us.
Shirley slides behind the wheel of the bus and closes the
folding door. The staff members POUND ON THE DOOR AND YELL.
Shirley holds the intercom mic up to her face.
SHIRLEY
Attention old bastards. We will not
be attending Bingo as scheduled. We
are going to save my daughter from
the influencers.
SHIRLEY PEELS OUT.
INT. KAREN’S CAR - NIGHT
Karen punches a destination Google Maps. Destination:
Orlando, FL. 1,037.3 miles, 15 hours 47 minutes.
EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS
KAREN (V.O.)
Life is full of obstacles.
Karen DOZES momentarily as she drives; her car GRINDS AGAINST
A CONCRETE RETAINING WALL. She is STARTLED AWAKE, and
corrects her course.
Karen walks, determined, away from her car, PARKED LIFELESSLY
ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, BELCHING SMOKE..
KAREN (V.O.)
The secret is to never give up.
93.
EXT. AIRPORT - DAY
The Shady Acres nursing home bus pulls up to the AIRPORT DROP
OFF LANE.
Shirley and Simone hustle out of the bus, while their
confused passengers gaze out of the windows.
SIMONE
Wait! What about them?
SHIRLEY
They aren’t infants. They are grown
adults. They’ll be fine.
With that, Shirley and Simone speed walk to the ticket
counter.
SUPERIMPOSE: ORLANDO, FL
A beautiful, idyllic gated community.
EXT. FRONT OF PENNY’S HOUSE - DAY
Karen arrives, a filthy, wet, hot mess. She stands, looking
up from behind the iron gate surrounding Penny’s STUNNING
MULTI-MILLION DOLLAR HOME.
KAREN (V.O.)
That’s what winners do.
EXT. BACK YARD OF PENNY’S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Penny and Captain sit behind a table, with a SCOREBOARD
superimposed onscreen.
PENNY
We have just finished round 1 of
the influencer challenge, extreme
hide and seek. And the standings
are: Outlandish in first, followed
by the Luckinbills, Pete Filardo
and his clone Re-Pete, and
Nightshade Supersad and Bellagamba
bringing up the rear.
The competitors mill about at the start of the next
challenge. There are CAMERAS EVERYWHERE. Penny’s people, as
well as the other creators capture every moment.
94.
OUTLANDISH JUSTIN
Bellagamba definitely bringing up
the rear! Check my rizz.
The Outlandish boys bust a gut laughing.
OUTLANDISH MATT
You got no game, J!
Meanwhile, behind Penny and Captain, KAREN IS CLIMBING THE
FENCE. Karen’s pants get snagged on the tall iron gate as she
scales it. Momentarily, she HANGS HELPLESSLY from her pants,
before falling hard to the ground in her underwear. Her pants
still caught, she pulls hard and tears them free, ripping
them to shreds...
Pantsless but undeterred, Karen tiptoes into the enormous
backyard.
PENNY
Next, our influencers will take on
the DERPINATOR, a 20,000 SF
obstacle course. Look familiar? But
beware the DERP QUEEN. She looks
harmless but she will turn on you
in a heartbeat. Isn’t that right
Captain?
Captain cannot be bothered to look up from his handheld game.
CAPTAIN
Whatever Penny.
PENNY
You mean Mom?
CAPTAIN
Whatever Penny.
A HORN SOUNDS, and the competitors enter the obstacle course.
TRAP DOORS FLY OPEN, THE GIANT ROLLING PINS ROTATE, THE HUGE
SNORTING KAREN-BEAST BREATHES SMOKE. The obstacles are tough,
and the competitors deliberately navigate each challenge,
mostly falling over each other and sliding around.
The Luckinbills, ALL DRESSED IN MATCHING WHITE POLO. SHIRTS
AND SHORTS, work together, hoisting and supporting each other
in myriad uncomfortable and inappropriate ways. Outlandish
Justin is helping Bellagamba, in something approximating
chivalry.
AT THE TABLE
Penny has gathered members of her team.
95.
PENNY
Ash-hole! Get cameras on Pete and
Re-Pete. He... They are pulling
ahead. What are you thinking?!
Idiot!
ASH
Take it easy, Penny.
PENNY (MOCK SINCERITY)
I’m so sorry! Pretty please, with
sugar on top. Move your lazy, Gen Z
ass and take that fat, entitled son
of mine so we can finish this
ridiculous video.
Captain FLIPS OFF PENNY, then follows Ash to head off the
competitors and get footage. For a moment, Penny is ALONE.
KAREN
Not such a sweetheart, are you?
America’s Mom my ass.
PENNY
Oh God! What are you doing here?
(Beat) Where are your pants?!
KAREN
You took everything from me!
PENNY
I definitely didn’t take your
pants. Did you come here to do
things to me?
Penny backs away slowly.
KAREN
C’mere. I just want to talk to you.
Karen stalks Penny menacingly.
PENNY
Ahhh! Help! Ash!!!!!
Penny takes off running. Karen cuts off her access to the
house, so Penny dashes for the HUGE OBSTACLE COURSE.
Penny designed the course, so she deftly dodges and
pirouettes to navigate moving stairs and jump over padded
sweepers. The other participants fall and struggle as she
passes them one by one, with Karen hot on her heels.
96.
NIGHTSHADE
Hey what’s soccer mom doing?
BELLAGAMBA
She’s trying to win the $100,000
for herself!
Pete Filardo, and his “clone” Re-Pete are using a stopwatch
and a calculator to predict the random padded blocks that
threaten to knock competitors from a narrow ledge. Re-Pete
goes first, and makes it across.
RE-PETE
Let’s go science!
Karen pursues Penny like a WILD ANIMAL STALKING IT’S PREY:
-Karen SHOVES PETE from the narrow ledge, and he falls into a
3 foot pool of water. Karen is immediately KNOCKED FROM THE
LEDGE by a spring loaded padded block, LANDING ON PETE AND
CRUSHING HIM.
RE-PETE (CONT'D)
Pete!
PETE
Avenge me!
-Kare trips Re-Pete and stands over him.
KAREN
By the way. You’re a sham.
Everybody knows you guys are twins.
Re-Pete recoils in mock horror.
-Karen palms the blonde heads of each of the seven Luckinbill
kids in sequence, using them to balance as she clears the
first SWEEPER. As a result the Luckinbill kids are batted,
one by one, by the sweeper arms and FLY INTO AN INFLATABLE
POOL FILLED WITH CHOCOLATE PUDDING. The Luckinbill parents
try to pull the kids out, and are PULLED IN THEMSELVES.
MR. LUCKINBILL
Ah! Why did we wear white?
MS. LUCKINBILL
Seriously Wayne? Like you’re going
to do the laundry!
-Karen PUSHES PAST BELLAGAMBA AND NIGHTSHADE SUPERSAD as they
CLIMB A PADDED RAMP. Karen SMASHES THEIR FACES AGAINST THE
PADDED RAMP AS SHE ROLLS OVER THEM.
97.
As Karen scrambles up the ramp, Bellagamba and Nightshade
disengage from the padded ramp. Each has left a SHROUD OF
TURIN-ESQUE FACIAL IMPRINT from their heavy makeup.
BELLAGAMBA’S IMPRINT IS MULTICOLORED WITH BRIGHT RED LIPS.
NIGHTSHADE’S IS WHITE WITH BLACK LIPS.
-Karen catches up to the Outlandish boys, who stand between
her and Penny. She stares them down with murderous intent.
Outlandish Justin runs around the corner in an inflatable
TUNNEL. He hears the TERRIFIED SCREAMS OF HIS BOYS. One by
one, they are silenced.
OUTLANDISH JUSTIN
Matty? Trey? Grayson? Where are you
guys??
A terrifying silence. Then, A WATER FEATURE creates a MISTY
HAZE, which startles Outlandish Justin momentarily. He laughs
at his own fear.
KAREN (SOFTLY)
Boo.
Karen appears out of the mist into the dark of the inflatable
tunnel.
Outlandish Justin races out of the tunnel and, rather than
d=face Karen, hurls himself from the top of the obstacle
course, tumbling and crashing hard into a pit of foam blocks.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Peace, bruh.
Penny gingerly climbs up onto a platform and begins to cross
a balance beam. Karen is right behind her.
Karen catches Penny by her track jacket and growls in her
face.
At this point, all influencer participants, their various
entourages, as well as Penny’s staff and Captain, all stop to
watch the epic confrontation.
KAREN
Where you going, bitch?!!
Penny recoils, as if in pain.
PENNY
Your breath is hurting me.
98.
Before Karen can respond, a BOXING GLOVE ON A TELESCOPING
MECHANISM rockets from a hole in the facade, blasting Karen
in the face and knocking her ass over teakettle into a pool
of slime. Penny stops to gloat.
PENNY (CONT'D)
Behold the Derp Queen!!!
Suddenly, another BOXING GLOVE punches Penny in the throat.
She tumbles from the balancing beam and falls hard, hitting
her head on a padded block before landing face first into the
slime pool. Karen wipes the slime from her eyes, pleased to
see her enemy hoisted by her own petard. A few yards away,
Penny’s staff watches, mouths wide.
The Outlandish guys go insane. Captain laughs so hard he
strains to breathe.
ASH
Are you guys getting all of this?
An assistant replies with a thumbs up.
The team of assistants stands in position, armed with
CAMERAS, LIGHTING STANDS, and BOOM MIKES. They have been
capturing the whole confrontation.
Karen hoists Penny up out of the slime, hands around her
neck. Before she can do damage, Penny spits a HUGE STREAM OF
SLIME into Karen’s eyes.
KAREN
Ah God!!!1 It burns so bad!!!
PENNY
It’s the borax!!
KAREN
That make so much sense. Really
binds it together!!
PENNY
You really have to be careful. The
wrong mix can be toxic!
Penny smiles, trying to defuse things a little.
KAREN
I learned that one the hard way.
Also that the blindness is
temporary.
Karen lunges, but misses Penny, and falls.
99.
Penny flinches. Karen hoists Penny up and holds her in the
air.
Then a voice...
SIMONE
Mom, stop!
And another...
SHIRLEY
Karen. Baby. Put down the cunt....
Penny waves, disoriented.
SIMONE
Big fan!
Karen drops Penny hard.
KAREN
You drove my daughter away from me.
She is everything to me!!!!
PENNY
I didn’t make you lose your
daughter. You did that all by
yourself.
She looks to Simone, who nods solemnly. Karen is stunned.
Penny flinches. Karen hoists Penny up and holds her in the
air.
Then a voice...
SIMONE
Mom, stop!
And another...
SHIRLEY
Karen. Baby. Put down the cunt....
Penny waves, disoriented.
SIMONE
Big fan!
Karen drops Penny hard.
KAREN
You drove my daughter away from me.
She is everything to me!!!!
100.
PENNY
I didn’t make you lose your
daughter. You did that all by
yourself.
She looks to Simone, who nods solemnly. Karen is stunned.
Penny flinches. Karen hoists Penny up and holds her in the
air.
Then a voice...
SIMONE
Mom, stop!
And another...
SHIRLEY
Karen. Baby. Put down the cunt....
Penny waves at Simone, disoriented.
PENNY
Hey girl.
SIMONE (AWKARDLY)
Hey... Big fan.
Karen drops Penny hard.
KAREN
You drove my daughter away from me.
She is everything to me!!!!
PENNY
I didn’t make you lose your
daughter. You did that all by
yourself.
She looks to Simone, who nods solemnly. Karen is stunned.
Penny flinches. Karen hoists Penny up and holds her in the
air.
Then a voice...
SIMONE
Mom, stop!
And another...
SHIRLEY
Karen. Baby. Put down the cunt....
101.
Penny waves, disoriented.
SIMONE (EMBARRASED)
Big fan!
Karen drops Penny hard.
KAREN
You drove my daughter away from me.
She is everything to me!!!!
PENNY
I didn’t make you lose your
daughter. You did that all by
yourself.
She looks to Simone, who nods solemnly. Karen is stunned.
Seeing her opportunity, Penny stumbles over to TWO
HORIZONTALLY POSITIONED ROLLING PINS. She deftly slides
between them, getting squeezed and spit out the other side.
Karen follows, wiping her eyes. Trying to navigate the
ROLLING PINS, she gets wedged between them. It is not a
flattering sight.
Finally, the machine strains and spits Karen out violently.
She slides across the padded floor of the course, a slimy
projectile. She hits Penny with such force that the smaller
woman does a COMPLETE FLIP and lands hard. Penny’s assistants
stifle laughs. Captain falls completely out of his chair in
hysterics.
Penny climbs to her feet, nose badly bloodied, and steps
backward as Karen pursues slowly.
PENNY (CONT'D)
I think I have a concussion. Pretty
sure I am concussed.
Ash winces at the sight. Just then, Captain wanders up,
playing his handheld game.
KAREN
Why did you have to come after me?
You already have the perfect life.
Dream job. Beautiful house. A sweet
son who loves to spend time with
you.
Captain looks up from his game long enough to say...
CAPTAIN
Penny you’re embarrassing yourself.
102.
Karen is stunned.
KAREN
Ummm. Hi. Captain. My daughter has
been watching you since you were
little...
CAPTAIN
O.M.G. The Derp Queen.
Karen pantomimes a little bow.
CAPTAIN (CONT'D)
Let’s address the elephant in the
room... Elephant, why do you have
no pants on?
With that Captain sits down and resumes his game. Without
looking up...
CAPTAIN (CONT'D)
Penny, you’re no better than her.
You’re a joke.
Penny seems genuinely hurt by Captain’s attack. And Karen’s.
Shirley barges over to Captain, and shoulder blocks him into
the slime pit.
PENNY (TO KAREN)
The little shit is right you know.
I’m no better than you.
Karen looks around, suspiciously.
KAREN
You don’t mean that.
Penny continues to backpedal.
PENNY
Maybe it’s the head trauma talking.
Or the toxic chemicals I have
ingested. But I’m a fraud. My life
is a farce. This beautiful house?
It’s a prison. I have strangers
recording every second of every
day. Our channel? I do whatever a
bunch of needy, neglected kids ask
me to do with my entitled troll of
a son.
Captain doesn’t look up, he just flashes her the finger.
103.
PENNY (CONT'D)
It’s my fault. I fell apart after
my husband left. I wanted so badly
to prove to him that I had value.
So I created this fantasy. At the
expense of my son. My own
happiness.
KAREN
And all this time, all I wanted was
to be like you.
PENNY
You wanted to be me? I wish I had
what you had. I watched what you
and your daughter were doing in the
beginning. It felt so... real.
Karen puts down her dukes. She extends her hands, to
telegraph a hug to Penny.
PENNY (CONT'D)
What is this? What are you
doing?
KAREN
Let it happen.
PENNY
This feels like a trap.
Karen shakes her head, and envelopes Penny in a teary bear
hug. As she does, the two step back onto a HUGE, HAND-SHAPED
PLATFORM.
KAREN
This is good. This is natural.
PENNY
Is it?
Ash begins to try to warn them, too late...
KAREN
Hey what’s that clicking
sound.....????
PENNY
No, that’s not a good sound.
In an instant the GIANT HAND scoops up the two women and
catapults them 50 feet through the air. They both fall hard,
overshooting the large pool of water and skidding face-first
across the grass in the back yard.
104.
ASH
Hmmm. We’ll need to recalibrate the
catapult.
Nightshade Supersad and Pete Filardo approach.
NIGHTSHADE
Think they’re dead?
Karen moans and Penny rolls over.
NIGHTSHADE (CONT'D)
Damn...
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy","Action"]
Ratings
Scene
39 -
Hospital Reconciliation
EXT. CITY STREET - CONTINUOUS
An AMBULANCE SIREN BLARES as Karen and Penny are transported
to the hospital.
INT. KAREN’S HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
Shelly and Simone arrive bearing FLOWERS. Karen lies in her
hospital bed, CAST ON BOTH HER ARMS, getting her bedpan
changed. Simone cringes.
KAREN
I’m sorry you had to see that.
SHELLY
I live in a nursing home. I watch
adults get their asses wiped on the
regular.
Simone’s cringe morphs into horror.
KAREN
What are you guys doing here? Came
to gloat?
Simone rushes up and embraces her mom. It is real and genuine
and perfect. Shelly approaches and covers the two of them in
her arms.
KAREN (CONT'D)
I’m so sorry. I lost myself.
SIMONE
Me too.
KAREN
I did things. I’m so ashamed.
105.
SIMONE
Me too.
SHIRLEY
Me too.
INT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT
Penny lies in her room at night alone, in the dark. No
flowers, no cards. A solitary figure appears in the doorway.
It’s Karen, immobilized arms and all. She awkwardly carries
the flowers Shirley gave her and sets it down on Penny’s
hospital room counter.
Penny’s JAW IS WIRED SHUT. She groans when she notices Karen.
KAREN
Did you mean it when you said that
you admired me?
Penny nods yes.
KAREN (CONT'D)
That means a lot. Coming from
someone like you.
KAREN (CONT'D)
Also... Do you mind if I use your
bathroom? I seem to be having a
plumbing issue in my room. Caused
by me. Probably from all the gas
station food I ate on the way to
your house.
Penny tries to decline in vain.
KAREN (CONT'D)
My poor bowel is beyond
‘irritable’. Irate... more like.
Penny pleads with her eyes, mumbling incomprehensibly at the
top of her lungs.
Karen sits in the bathroom with the door open. More muffled
screams.
Karen continues talking, as if she is not on the toilet.
KAREN (CONT'D)
You know, I wouldn’t have connected
with my daughter if it wasn’t for
you.
(MORE)
106.
KAREN (CONT'D)
I wouldn’t have been able to quit
my terrible job. You really have
inspired people. Including me.
Penny sobs softly.
KAREN (CONT'D)
I guess that’s all over now. So...
what’s next for you.
Penny’s soft sob turns into a shuddering, tight-lipped ugly
cry.
Genres:
["Drama","Family"]
Ratings
Scene
40 -
Unlikely Reunion
EXT. KAREN’S HOUSE - DAY
Back where she started, Karen cleans up her little home. Her
cell phone RINGS.
SIMONE
Hey mom. I was just checking on
you.
KAREN
Checking on me?
SIMONE
Yeah. I mean I figured today was
going to be tough.
KAREN
I’m so great. It’ll be great.
CUT TO:
INT. KAREN’S CLASSROOM - DAY
Karen stands in front of a NEW CLASS. They all look at her
with expectant faces.
A smug looking boy rises his hand insistently.
KAREN
Good everyone. My name is Ms. S.
And... what is it?
BOY
Aren’t you the YouTube lady?
KAREN
No, that’s somebody else.
107.
BOY
I’m sure it’s you. I heard you were
homeless.
A curly haired girl raises her hand.
GIRL
What does it feel like to have all
your hopes and dreams come crashing
down around you.
Karen looks down at her feet and takes a deep breath.
LATER
INT. KAREN’S CLASSROOM - END OF SCHOOL DAY
Karen packs up her things. She survived. Then, A KNOCK AT THE
DOOR.
KAREN
Go away...
PENNY (O.S.)
Hey guys, it’s me. Penny.
Karen turns to see her former nemesis.
KAREN
What are you doing here?
PENNY
I’m here... to take you out for a
drink.
Karen looks around as if to decline politely.
KAREN
Where is your son?
PENNY
I sent the little shit to a
military school. I didn’t know what
else to do with him.
CUT TO:
EXT. MILITARY SCHOOL CAMPUS - DAY
Captain PANTS AND RUNS in formation in t-shirt and shorts, in
the pouring rain.
108.
KAREN (V.O.)
That seems a little extreme...
PENNY (V.O.)
He’ll be fine. He needs structure.
The brochure says they are going to
bring out whatever is deep down
inside of him.
Captain collapses to the ground and UGLY CRIES as his DRILL
LEADER screams in his ear.
INT. KAREN’S CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS
PENNY
C’mon. You look like you need it so
bad.
INT. CORNER BAR - CONTINUOUS
Penny and Karen are a few deep, sitting in a crowded bar. A
few middle aged drunk ladies dance spastically, while a group
of guys enjoy the show.
PENNY
It’s not the same you know? It’s
like when Christopher Reeves takes
the blue pill and unplugs from the
Matrix...
KAREN
I think you mean Keanu Reeves. He
took the red pill. The blue pill is
what my ex-husband takes. A lot.
Penny spits out her beer, and laughs loud and long.
KAREN (CONT'D)
I know what you mean, though. It’s
like now we are whatever everybody
else says we are. Like Lonica
Melinski.
PENNY
You mean Monica Lewinski?
KAREN
That’s what I said. Nonica
Vidinski. She messed up. Well
technically Bill Clinton is the one
that messed up.
109.
PENNY
All over that blue dress.
Karen grows serious.
KAREN
And that’s all anybody knows her
for. Her mistake.
PENNY
That shit is not fair. He gets a
Presidential library. She gets the
shaft. Again.
The drunken ladies have taken notice of Karen and Penny.
Their boldest representative steps up to their table.
DRUNK WOMAN
Hey, aren’t you...?
PENNY
Yes I am.
KAREN
No I’m not.
The drunk woman shakes it off.
DRUNK WOMAN
You guys! It’s them!
Penny throws a finger in the air.
PENNY
I have an idea. Follow me.
Penny drags Karen to the modest DANCE FLOOR. The drunken
ladies go NUTS, and start to drag the slack-jawed guys out
onto the now crowded dance floor. Penny hands her iPhone to
the bartender.
PENNY (CONT'D)
When I point, you hit the red
button ok?
Karen gets the gist.
KAREN
Penny, no. No more videos. I’m
retired.
Penny grabs Karen by the hands.
110.
PENNY
I haven’t had a female friend
in.... Well never.
KAREN
Me neither. Besides my mom. Or my
daughter. Does she count?
PENNY
No! I mean like a ride-or-die.
Somebody that doesn’t try to put
you in a box and just sees you.
Flaws and all.
Karen looks stunned.
KAREN
You want me? For that?
PENNY
I came here for that. For you. Who
else knows what I have been
through?
Karen signals the bartender.
KAREN
What do you want me to do?
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
41 -
Global Dance of Reconciliation and Joy
INT. VARIOUS HOUSES – VARIOUS ROOMS – DAY
MONTAGE AS KIDS AROUND THE WORLD WATCH THE SAME TIKTOK VIDEO:
— A GIRL HIDES BEHIND A COUCH WATCHING HER PHONE, AS HER DAD
IS HYPNOTIZED BY THE TV.
— A BOY ON A LAPTOP GAZES AT THE VIDEO WHILE HIS PARENTS
ARGUE VIOLENTLY.
— 3 SIBLINGS, EACH SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER AT THE DINNER
TABLE. EACH WATCHING ON THEIR PHONE, WHILE THEIR MOM IS
OUTSIDE ON THE PORCH, SMOKING A CIGARETTE.
— THE BOY WATCHES THE SCREEN.
It’s PENNY, SWAYING TO CHICAGO’S “HARD TO SAY I’M SORRY”,
SURROUNDED BY DRUNKEN DANCERS.
SUPERIMPOSE: WHEN YOU REALIZE YOUR MORTAL ENEMY IS JUST LIKE
YOU
111.
Penny and Karen slow dance.
SUPERIMPOSE: WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU JUST MADE A COOL NEW FRIEND
THE MUSIC CHANGES TO PUMPING HOUSE MUSIC. KAREN AND PENNY
ROCK OUT, AS THE OTHER DANCERS GO CRAZY. It’s not pretty,
it’s not strictly RHYTHMICAL. But it is honest and it is
JOYFUL.
MONTAGE
The TIKTOK GOES VIRAL. Better, it becomes a TREND. COPYCAT
VIDEOS pop up everywhere. Ordinary people burying the
hatchet. Including:
-SIMONE, who wears an ULTRA-NERDY COSPLAY COSTUME
SUPERIMPOSE: WHEN YOU REALIZE BEING COOL MEANS BEING YOURSELF
Simone and Piper ROCK OUT IN COSTUME.
-BRYSTON AND HIS CLASS
SUPERIMPOSE: WHEN YOU REALIZE YOUR DERPY TEACHER IS A
ROCKSTAR
Bryston and his class ROCK OUT with Karen and Mr. Nuds
-REESE HOLDING STACKS OF CASH, ACCOMPANIED BY BREE
SUPERIMPOSE: WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR STEADY GIG BECAUSE YOU HAVE
“OVERPERFORMED”, AND YOU REALIZE YOUR UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK JUST
ARRIVED
Reese and Bree ROCK OUT, as Reese “makes it rain”
-SHIRLEY, SURROUNDED BY RESIDENTS OF HER NURSING HOME
SUPERIMPOSE: WHEN YOUR NEIGHBORS SURVIVE ANOTHER DAY, AND YOU
REALIZE THEY ARE YOUR FRIENDS
Shirley and her friends ROCK OUT with the nursing home staff
Genres:
["Drama","Comedy"]
Ratings
Scene
42 -
Simone's Adventure Begins
INT. SIMONE’S ROOM - NIGHT
On the bed, SIMONE SCHITZLINGER, sits smiling, transfixed by
the TIKTOK video she is watching on her tablet. It’s her mom
and Penny.
Just then, Karen enters the room.
KAREN
You ready?
112.
Simone TOSSES the IPAD on her bed and mother and daughter
leave together on some new adventure.