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Scene 1 -  The Fall of Kyrel
EXT. HEAVEN - DAY (PRE-HUMANITY)

Deep, dark space.

SOUNDS: SWORDS RING as they CLASH in combat. WINGS BEAT,
SCREAMS OF AGONY. The CRACKLE OF OZONE.

Blue and white lightning sparks against each other in shards
of color. Energy swirls suggest a planet being born.

Below this, white mists rise in puffy steeples. Among the
clouds, 6,000 ANGELS OF LIGHT, human shaped, feathered wings,
brawl against 2,000 "DARK" ANGELS, angry red blotches pushing
through their feathers.

Dark Angel KYREL, hints of malice and virtue, defends against
RAPHAEL, Angel of Light, the essence of celestial grace.
Raphael's attack resembles a focused hurricane in battle.

With each blow from Raphael's silver sword, white feathers
shed from Kyrel's wings to reveal reptile-like scales. Raphael
ruthlessly drives Kyrel lower into a white mist.

Fear worms into Kyrel. He spins to avoid a blow, but Raphael
smashes him in the back, sends Kyrel plummeting.

Below the clouds, Kyrel's wings shorten as he tumbles, his
hide grows redder, his body bulkier. He desperately flaps
his wings but gravity pulls him faster.

EXT. PREHISTORIC HELL - NIGHT

THUD. Kyrel hits the fiery ground. In horror, he feels a
snake encircle his body. He rips the serpent away, scans
with eyes of green his own blotched skin and the flaming
landscape, looking for...

KYREL
Father?

Alarm builds. He calls out, voice cracking, to someone else:

KYREL
Lucifer, you lied to us.

He falls to his knees, peers to the Heavens, screams at the
top of his lungs.

KYREL
What have I done?
2.

Kyrel's face blisters into painful sores. Blue lightning
CRACKS from his hands to spear the Earth in anger.

INT. 19TH CENTURY MONASTERY - NIGHT

BOOM! A storm rages outside. Rain, lightning and THUNDER
outside a large shuttered window.

A MONK, 50s, kneels at the side of a small bed, with a single
worn blanket. A handmade candle flickers in a draft. Monk's
eyes rise to a cross on the stone wall. He murmurs a prayer
of thanks.

Kyrel's almost transparent form, much uglier than upon his
fall, whispers like a snake's hiss in Monk's ear.

KYREL
Ssss, ss, sss.

MONK
God, is that you? You sound different.

Kyrel grows a bit more visible, softly purrs verbal poison,
sounding almost like the hiss of a snake.

KYREL
Ssss, ss, ssss, sss, sss.

MONK
But Lord, how have I failed you?
What is my sin?

KYREL
Ssssss.

BOOM! Outside, a crash of thunder. A zap of blue energy
trickles from Kyrel into the monk, who slouches to a window
and opens it wide to the storm, high above the ground.

BOOM! Monk steels himself, climbs to the ledge of the open
window and stares out into the storm.

BOOM!
Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama","Horror"]

Summary After a fierce battle in Heaven, Kyrel, a Dark Angel, is defeated by Raphael, the Angel of Light. He is cast down to a prehistoric Hell, where he transforms into a monstrous being. Filled with rage, Kyrel blames his father and Lucifer for his fate and blasts a bolt of lightning at the Earth. The scene shifts to a 19th-century monastery during a stormy night. Kyrel, now a transparent and monstrous entity, communicates with a troubled monk, filling him with a sense of dread and sin. The monk, convinced of his own failure, steps onto a ledge, facing the storm.
Strengths
  • Strong world-building
  • Compelling character development
  • Intense emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more refined
  • Pacing may be too fast in certain sections

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is captivating, with a strong mix of fantasy and horror elements that draw the audience in. The intense action and emotional turmoil of Kyrel make it a compelling read.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of angels battling in a pre-humanity Heaven and the subsequent fall of Kyrel into a prehistoric Hell is innovative and intriguing. It sets up a unique world and conflict for the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging, with a clear conflict established between the Angels of Light and the Dark Angels. Kyrel's fall and transformation add depth to the story and set up future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the concept of angels and demons, exploring themes of redemption and betrayal in a unique pre-humanity setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Kyrel is a complex character, torn between malice and virtue, fear and anger. The Monk adds a human element to the scene, providing a contrast to Kyrel's supernatural presence.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes a significant transformation from an Angel of Light to a demonic figure, experiencing fear, betrayal, and anger along the way. This change drives the emotional core of the scene.

Internal Goal: 9

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his fall from grace and the consequences of his actions. He grapples with feelings of fear, betrayal, and regret, reflecting his deeper needs for redemption and understanding.

External Goal: 8

Kyrel's external goal in this scene is to seek answers and guidance from higher powers, specifically questioning his father and Lucifer. His goal reflects the immediate challenge of understanding his current state and seeking redemption.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the Angels of Light and Dark Angels, as well as Kyrel's internal conflict and fall from grace, create a high level of tension and drama in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kyrel facing internal and external challenges that drive the conflict and character development.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with the fate of Kyrel and the balance between Light and Dark Angels hanging in the balance. The consequences of Kyrel's actions have far-reaching implications.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the conflict between the Angels of Light and Dark Angels, setting up Kyrel's fall and transformation, and introducing the Monk as a key character.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in Kyrel's character arc and the cosmic conflict between angels and demons.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between good and evil, redemption and damnation. Kyrel's transformation from an angel of light to a fallen being challenges his beliefs, values, and worldview, forcing him to confront the consequences of his actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, anger, and betrayal, particularly through Kyrel's transformation and emotional breakdown. The stakes are high, and the emotional impact is significant.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts of the characters. Kyrel's hissing and purring add a sinister tone to his interactions with the Monk.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its epic scale, intense conflict, and emotional depth. The cosmic battle and Kyrel's internal struggle captivate the audience.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in Kyrel's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the readability and flow of the narrative.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively setting up the conflict and character development.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a dramatic battle in Heaven between Angels of Light and Dark Angels, setting a high-stakes tone for the story. The imagery of the battle is vivid and engaging, drawing the reader into the conflict.
  • Kyrel's transformation from a Dark Angel to a more monstrous form is well-described, showing the physical and emotional toll of his defeat. The use of symbolism, such as shedding feathers to reveal reptile-like scales, adds depth to Kyrel's character.
  • The transition from the celestial battle to Kyrel's landing in a prehistoric Hell is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother segue to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • Kyrel's emotional turmoil and his cries for his father and Lucifer add layers to his character, showcasing his vulnerability and inner conflict.
  • The introduction of the Monk in the 19th-century monastery adds an intriguing contrast to the celestial battle, hinting at a larger spiritual conflict at play.
  • Kyrel's hissing voice and the transfer of blue energy to the Monk create a sense of foreboding and mystery, setting up further tension in the story.
  • The stormy night setting and the Monk's interaction with Kyrel's monstrous form create a chilling atmosphere, enhancing the supernatural elements of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between the celestial battle and Kyrel's landing in Hell to create a smoother narrative flow.
  • Explore Kyrel's internal struggle and emotional journey in more depth to further develop his character and motivations.
  • Build upon the tension and mystery surrounding Kyrel's presence in the monastery to keep the reader engaged and intrigued.
  • Continue to use vivid imagery and symbolism to enhance the supernatural elements of the scene and create a sense of foreboding.
  • Consider weaving in more details about the Monk's background and beliefs to deepen the thematic layers of the story.



Scene 2 -  A Pastor's Doubt
EXT. SOUTH CAROLINA - CYRUS' HOUSE - PRESENT DAY

A bright sun, warms through soft clouds with fingers of white,
toward a present-day, 2-story, vinyl-sided home on 8 acres.
Sheds with lambs and chickens.
3.

In the driveway a new SUV with a Realtor sign on its door,
and a 2010 Jeep with a South Carolina license plate in a
"Clergy" frame.

INT. CYRUS' HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Roomy, faux-granite counters, farmhouse sink. Simple but
clean. Framed photo of an angel. A family of 4 navigates
last bites of toast, grab school things and car keys, like a
well-choreographed dance.

CYRUS, 40s, has a pastor's tired eyes. Used to preaching but
no longer setting fires, he lacks passion.

His 7-year-old daughter, AMANDA, precocious as a well-used
whip, grabs a book bag, give Cyrus a tight hug.

AMANDA
Can I go to the conference with you?

CYRUS
Your place is at school.

AMANDA
But you'll be so lonely.

CYRUS
Nice try.

"Busted," Amanda hustles out the screen door, makes it close
softly behind her.

Cy's wife, ELIZABETH, 40s, steady, competent, accessible:

ELIZABETH
(to their son)
Let's go. March!

JOHN, 11, science project balanced on his head: 3 mason jars,
each with an egg in different liquids. John "cool-walks" to
the back door.

JOHN
Later, Pops.

John pushes out, lets the screen door slam shut, BANG. Cyrus
opens his mouth to protest, but instead runs his fingers
through his hair.
4.

ELIZABETH
You said you'd fix the screen last
night.

CYRUS
I prayed till sunrise.

Elizabeth checks her watch.

ELIZABETH
Can you elaborate in 40 seconds?

Elizabeth walks by Cyrus, but in a burst of energy, he catches
her hand. He locks into her eyes, and kisses her on the lips.

CYRUS
Why do devils surround us, yet we
never see angels or God?

ELIZABETH
Good grief, Cy, Read your own
research. "Angels rarely show, unless
you ask them."

Cyrus' shoulders slump a bit.

CYRUS
What if God's as frustrated with me
as you are?

Elizabeth takes a long slow breath, checks the time.

ELIZABETH
We'll talk when you're back from
Savannah... I love you.

Elizabeth lets the screen door BANG behind her.
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary Cyrus, a pastor facing a crisis of faith, prepares for a conference while struggling with internal doubt. His wife, Elizabeth, notices his frustration and encourages him to re-examine his beliefs, but he remains distant and preoccupied. The scene highlights the contrast between Cyrus's inner turmoil and the normalcy of his family life, ending with Elizabeth leaving him to grapple with his doubts alone.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Natural dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Slow pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the internal struggles of the main character, establishes the family dynamics, and hints at potential conflicts to come.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a pastor questioning his faith and dealing with personal demons is intriguing and sets up a compelling character arc.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces elements of internal conflict and sets up potential external conflicts with the family dynamics.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of faith and purpose, with authentic character interactions and a realistic portrayal of family dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their relationships are complex, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Cyrus shows signs of inner turmoil and potential growth as he grapples with his faith and personal demons.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to find passion and purpose in his life again. This reflects his deeper need for fulfillment and meaning in his role as a pastor and as a husband.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to fix the screen door, which reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining his home and fulfilling his responsibilities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is more internal and emotional in this scene, setting up potential external conflicts in the future.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, especially in the protagonist's internal struggles.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes are more internal and emotional in this scene, laying the groundwork for potential higher stakes in the future.

Story Forward: 6

The scene sets up important character dynamics and internal conflicts that will likely drive the story forward.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected philosophical questions and emotional revelations from the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle with his faith and his sense of purpose. This challenges his beliefs in angels, God, and his own abilities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of melancholy and introspection, drawing the audience into the emotional struggles of the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reveals the underlying tensions and emotions of the characters.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the relatable family dynamics, emotional depth, and the protagonist's internal struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by allowing moments of reflection and emotional tension to unfold naturally.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a domestic drama genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency or conflict, especially considering the dramatic events that have just taken place in the previous scenes. There is a disconnect between the intense battle in Heaven and Kyrel's fall to Hell, and the mundane morning routine of Cyrus and his family.
  • The dialogue between Cyrus and Elizabeth feels forced and lacks depth. The conversation about angels, devils, and God comes across as cliched and does not add much to the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is slow, with a lot of unnecessary details about the setting and the characters' actions. This slows down the momentum of the story and fails to engage the audience.
  • The emotional depth of the characters, especially Cyrus, is not fully explored. There is a lack of internal conflict or turmoil that would be expected after such a significant event like Kyrel's fall from Heaven.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual and sensory details to create a stronger atmosphere and immerse the audience in the world of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with a more impactful moment that reflects the aftermath of Kyrel's fall and sets up the emotional stakes for Cyrus and his family.
  • Focus on developing the relationship dynamics between Cyrus, Elizabeth, and their children to add depth and complexity to the characters.
  • Introduce subtle hints or foreshadowing of the supernatural elements and conflicts that are at play in the story to maintain continuity and build tension.
  • Streamline the dialogue to make it more natural and meaningful, focusing on revealing character motivations and emotions.
  • Enhance the visual and sensory descriptions to create a more immersive and engaging reading experience for the audience.



Scene 3 -  A Crash in the Night
EXT. CYRUS' HOUSE - DAY

Elizabeth takes two steps toward her SUV, stops cold.

ELIZABETH
Father, please help Cyrus. Shelter
us, especially the church, from
darkness or danger. In Jesus' name,
Amen.

She wipes a disobedient tear and breathes in strength.
5.

ELIZABETH
John, it's your sister's turn. Let
her have the front.

INT. CYRUS' HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

At the window, Cyrus watches his family, blinks in concern.

EXT. SOUTH CAROLINA - WOODS - NIGHT

The green eyes of Kyrel. His frightening shape towers over
80-foot trees. 10,000 battle scars on a crusted body, he
squints to where...

A deer feeds on brush. Until a coyote drives the Bambi to
the ground. The deer tries to push up, but 4 more coyotes
leap onto the downed animal.

Kyrel chuckles, turns his attention to a rabbit that
hippety-hops across a meadow. Until a male bobcat stalks
toward the bunny.

Oblivious to the danger, the rabbit munches clover.

Kyrel bulls his semi-visible form through a thatch of fir
and pine. As the bobcat leaps, Kyrel explodes into the
clearing in front of it. The bobcat flees like 40 Demons of
Hell were after him.

The rabbit hip-hops away.

Kyrel twitches a warm smile, switches back to evil alert, as
a car's headlights speed toward him on a 2-lane road.
KYREL
Pastor Cyrus, 'bout time you got
here.

INT. CYRUS' CAR - NIGHT

Driving fast, the worn tires create a rhythmic DUDDER-DUDDER
SOUND on the blacktop. Cyrus on the phone, eyes heavy. On
the other end of the bluetooth call, Elizabeth sighs.

ELIZABETH
You prayed for guidance?

CYRUS
It's what I need the most.
6.

ELIZABETH
Ask and you shall receive.

CYRUS
I didn't hear an answer.

Elizabeth takes a moment before she replies.

ELIZABETH
You sound tired.

CYRUS
I'm dead.

ELIZABETH
Pull into a rest stop.

CYRUS
If I don't sleep in a bed, I'll be a
goofball at the conference.

Cyrus opens the window, wind WOOSHES into the cabin, jolts
him more awake. He twitches the tires back straight. DUDDER-
DUDDER-DUDDER...

ELIZABETH
Hon, hang up. Focus on the road.

He runs his fingers through his hair.

CYRUS
Love you, always.

ELIZABETH
For eternity.

Cyrus clicks off. His lids droop, he flips on the radio --
MUSIC like Justin Beiber & Chance The Rapper's "HOLY."

CHANCE THE RAPPER (V.O.)
I know we believe in God, and I
know...

EXT. SOUTH CAROLINA - WOODS - NIGHT

Kyrel lingers in the shadows, draws toward the MUSIC.

CHANCE THE RAPPER (V.O.)
God believes in us...
7.

KYREL
I believe in the devil.

INT. AND EXT. CYRUS' CAR - NIGHT

The DUDDER-DUDDER-DUDDER continues. Cyrus inhales wake-me-up
air, but... Eyes heavy, the sedan drifts.

He snaps the wheel back. TIRES SQUEAL.

JUSTIN BEIBER (V.O.)
(singing)
'Cause the way you hold me, hold me,
hold me, hold me, hold me. Feels so
holy, holy, holy, holy, holy...

Cyrus' breath evens. His eyelids sag... almost closed...

The car plows from the shoulder, dip, flip. THUD, CRUNCH,
clips a massive oak, careens into an even larger tree.

Airbags inflate, GLASS BREAKS, METAL TWISTS. A laptop flies
forward, THUNK, cracks the back of Cyrus' head.

EXT. SOUTH CAROLINA - WOODS - NIGHT

Watching the accident, Kyrel glares in fury and yells:

KYREL
Who did this?

INT. AND EXT. CYRUS' CAR - NIGHT

Bloodied, Cyrus gasps a pierced-lung breath, shoves at the
deflated airbag. The MUSIC fades in and out.

JUSTIN BEIBER (V.O.)
Oh God, Running to the altar like a
track star. Can't wait another second.

The stopped engine HISSES. Gas drips from the car's
undercarriage. Kyrel appears at the shattered window, frowns.

POOF, a fire ignites in the engine compartment. The pastor
claws open his seat-belt release, gurgles blood.

Kyrel's reptilian eyes glow with concern. He scans the forest.
8.

KYREL
This was not my doing. There's rules.

Cyrus doesn't react to Kyrel's barely-visible presence.

THUD, located high under the hood, the battery explodes. The
MUSIC STOPS. Cyrus shoves at the door, hits it -- the bent
exit immovable. He coughs, winces in pain.

CYRUS
Jesus, help me!

Kyrel shrinks from the word "Jesus" but... he rips off the
door, drags Cyrus to safety from the burning car.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama","Horror"]

Summary Elizabeth prays for Cyrus' safety as he drives to Savannah. Exhausted, Cyrus ignores her advice to pull over and crashes his car. A mysterious figure named Kyrel witnesses the accident, investigates, and ultimately rescues Cyrus from the burning wreckage.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Compelling conflict
  • Engaging plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more concise
  • Character motivations could be further developed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of fantasy, drama, and horror to create a compelling and emotionally impactful narrative. The tension and suspense are well-executed, and the emotional depth of the characters adds depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a pastor facing supernatural forces and personal struggles is intriguing and well-developed. The inclusion of the fallen Dark Angel adds a unique twist to the traditional religious themes.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and well-paced, with a good balance of action, dialogue, and character development. The scene effectively sets up conflicts and raises stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique supernatural elements, such as the character of Kyrel and his interactions with the natural world. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of mystery and danger.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined and their emotional struggles are portrayed effectively. The interactions between the family members and the fallen Dark Angel add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo emotional and psychological changes throughout the scene, particularly the pastor who faces personal and supernatural challenges. These changes add depth to the characters and drive the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 8

Elizabeth's internal goal in this scene is to protect her family, specifically her brother Cyrus, from darkness or danger. This reflects her deeper need for security and safety for her loved ones.

External Goal: 7

Cyrus' external goal in this scene is to reach a conference without falling asleep at the wheel. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing of exhaustion and the need to stay alert while driving.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, which creates tension and drives the narrative forward. The conflicts between the characters and the supernatural forces raise the stakes and keep the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing physical and emotional challenges that create tension and conflict. The audience is left uncertain of how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing supernatural threats, personal struggles, and moral dilemmas. The danger and consequences of their actions add tension and suspense to the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, developing the characters, and raising the stakes. The events in the scene have a significant impact on the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters and the supernatural elements introduced. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between belief in God and belief in the devil, as represented by the characters of Elizabeth and Kyrel. This challenges Cyrus' beliefs and values as a pastor.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including fear, sadness, and hope. The characters' struggles and the intense moments of danger and despair create a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is realistic and helps to develop the characters and advance the plot. The conversations feel natural and reveal important information about the characters' motivations and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of supernatural elements, emotional drama, and intense action. The characters' dialogue and actions draw the audience in and create a sense of mystery and suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, as well as allowing for emotional moments and character development. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue. The visual descriptions and character interactions are well-crafted and engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and characters, transitioning smoothly between different perspectives. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a strong emotional moment as Elizabeth prays for Cyrus' safety, setting a tone of concern and vulnerability.
  • The transition to Cyrus watching his family from the kitchen adds a layer of introspection and concern for his family's well-being.
  • The introduction of Kyrel in the woods brings in a sense of danger and mystery, creating a contrast with the domestic setting of Cyrus' family.
  • The car accident sequence is intense and well-described, effectively conveying the urgency and chaos of the situation.
  • Kyrel's appearance at the accident scene adds an intriguing element of supernatural involvement, hinting at a larger conflict at play.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Cyrus during the car accident to deepen his character's experience.
  • Explore the dynamic between Elizabeth's prayer and Kyrel's presence further to enhance the tension and mystery in the scene.
  • Provide more context or hints about Kyrel's motives and connection to Cyrus to build anticipation and intrigue.
  • Consider incorporating sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the woods and the car accident, immersing the reader in the scene.
  • Ensure a smooth transition between the different settings and characters to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.



Scene 4 -  Possession
EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD - NIGHT

Kyrel leans close to experience Cyrus' mumbled song.

CYRUS
(singing, semi-comatose)
Holy, holy...

Cyrus coughs in a wet, rasping breath. Kyrel stabs both hands
into Cyrus' chest, who bellows in pain. He passes out as
Kyrel twists and pulls the ribs into alignment.

KYREL
You owe me now, Cyrus.

Cyrus' eyes pop open. He peers up at Kyrel, tries to push
him off. Kyrel leans back, his hands still inside Cyrus.

Cyrus SEES: Kyrel, bathed in light, white and pure.

CYRUS
Hold me.

Cyrus' lids slam shut. Kyrel, back to demon appearance:

KYREL
Leave it to a hypocrite to believe
the biggest lies.

A Jaws-like tug jerks Kyrel down into Cyrus. Fear, Kyrel
struggles to pull back -- a snap pulls him further in.

KYREL
Stop! Who's doing this? Lucifer,
help me!
9.

Like unseen machinery gears, something terrifyingly pulls
him lower and lower into the pastor's body. Kyrel fights to
stay above and alive, struggles to get unstuck but...

His head is pulled under. His torso. His kicking legs succumb
into Cyrus' human body.

Until Kyrel disappears.

Raphael floats from the sky to land on top of the burning
car, eyes white fire, wings like a million LED lights.

INT. HOSPITAL - RECOVERY ROOM - DAY

A framed print of an angel on the wall. Cyrus, tubes in and
out. Monitors BEEP. At bedside, Elizabeth, head bowed,
tearfully mumbles in prayer over Cyrus' unconscious form.

His eyes slap open. Kyrel's green pupils watch her. His heart
rate increases, an alert BEEPS TWICE.

Elizabeth startles: "her husband" is awake! His demon eyes
turn human brown before Elizabeth sees otherwise.

NOTE: When "Kyrel" speaks or acts, he does so now with
Cyrus' voice and body.

ELIZABETH
Cyrus. Oh, God, thank you.

Kyrel/Cyrus frowns confusion.

KYREL
What are you doing?

ELIZABETH
I was so afraid. I was...

KYREL
I couldn't understand what you said.

ELIZABETH
I was thanking God.

He inhales sharply.

KYREL
Why?
10.

ELIZABETH
Cy, He saved you.

KYREL
You're my wife?

ELIZABETH
Yes. Yes, I am.

A NURSE hustles in, feels the pulse of who she sees as Cyrus.

NURSE
Welcome back, Pastor. How are you
feeling?

Kyrel paws at the texture of his head bandage, flinches.

KYREL
Human.

While the nurse adjusts Kyrel's pillow. Kyrel focuses on
Elizabeth's cross.

ELIZABETH
The doctors were confused about your
ribs and lungs. They said you died 4
times.

KYREL
I can't die.

Elizabeth flinches.

ELIZABETH
Not until the Lord's ready. Cy, they
told me you might be confused. To
call you a lot by name.

KYREL
You love me, don't you? I feel it.

The Nurse leaves.

"Husband" and wife study one another.

ELIZABETH
Since the moment we met.
11.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Horror","Drama"]

Summary After a car crash, demon Kyrel attempts to heal the injured pastor Cyrus. However, while realigning Cyrus' ribs, Kyrel accidentally pulls himself into Cyrus' body. Despite struggling to escape, Kyrel is ultimately forced to inhabit Cyrus' body. Meanwhile, the angel Raphael observes the burning car wreckage. Later, Cyrus awakens in the hospital, now controlled by Kyrel who is disguised as him. Confused by his surroundings, Kyrel learns that Cyrus died four times before regaining consciousness. The scene ends with Kyrel, disguised as Cyrus, and his wife Elizabeth staring at each other, both bewildered by the events that have unfolded.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Intriguing supernatural elements
  • Emotionally resonant character interactions
  • High level of tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too dark or intense for sensitive audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with tension, and introduces intriguing supernatural elements. The dialogue is impactful, and the character dynamics are compelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a pastor being possessed by a demonic entity while maintaining elements of his humanity is fascinating. The supernatural elements add depth to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of Kyrel possessing Cyrus and the revelation of his supernatural abilities. The scene sets up intriguing conflicts and mysteries.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the themes of possession and identity, with a unique blend of supernatural and religious elements. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall tension and suspense.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Cyrus and Elizabeth, are well-developed and their interactions are emotionally resonant. Kyrel adds a layer of complexity and intrigue to the dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Cyrus undergoes a significant change as he is possessed by Kyrel, leading to a transformation in his character. Elizabeth also experiences emotional growth and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to assert his power and control over Cyrus, showcasing his dominance and manipulation. This reflects Kyrel's deeper desire for control and superiority over others.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to maintain his facade as Cyrus and deceive Elizabeth and the nurse. This reflects the immediate challenge of keeping his true identity hidden and manipulating those around him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Kyrel and Cyrus, as well as the internal conflict within Cyrus, creates a high level of tension and suspense. The stakes are raised significantly.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kyrel facing challenges in maintaining his facade as Cyrus, manipulating Elizabeth, and dealing with the supernatural forces at play. The audience is left unsure of how Kyrel will navigate these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Cyrus is possessed by a demonic entity, putting his life and the lives of others in danger. The battle between good and evil intensifies.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key supernatural elements, raising the stakes, and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns, the supernatural elements, and the moral ambiguity of the characters' actions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of identity, deception, and power. Kyrel's manipulation of Cyrus' body and his interactions with Elizabeth challenge beliefs about trust, faith, and the nature of good and evil.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, confusion, and hope. The interactions between characters are emotionally charged and impactful.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is impactful, revealing character motivations and internal conflicts. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, dramatic character interactions, and the mystery surrounding Kyrel's true identity. The conflict and tension keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax with the reveal of Kyrel's true identity. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the overall atmosphere and tension of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a powerful and intense moment as Kyrel forcibly realigns Cyrus' ribs, which is a shocking and painful action. This sets a tone of physical and emotional turmoil.
  • The transition from Cyrus seeing Kyrel bathed in light to Kyrel reverting back to his demon appearance is a stark contrast that highlights the duality of Kyrel's nature.
  • The dialogue between Cyrus and Kyrel is impactful, showcasing the internal struggle and conflict within Cyrus as he interacts with the demon possessing him.
  • The visual imagery of Kyrel being pulled into Cyrus' body is vivid and creates a sense of dread and helplessness, emphasizing the supernatural elements at play.
  • The introduction of Raphael, an Angel of Light, at the end of the scene adds a layer of mystery and intrigue, hinting at a larger celestial conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or emotional reactions from Cyrus during the process of Kyrel being pulled into his body to further explore his internal struggle.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the transition between Kyrel's demon appearance and his human appearance to emphasize the shift in his presence.
  • Explore the dynamic between Kyrel and Raphael further to deepen the celestial conflict and add complexity to the supernatural elements in the scene.
  • Provide more context or hints about Kyrel's motives and intentions to create a sense of anticipation and suspense for the audience.
  • Consider incorporating subtle hints or foreshadowing about the consequences of Kyrel fully inhabiting Cyrus' body to build tension and intrigue for future developments.



Scene 5 -  Suspicious Recovery
INT. HOSPITAL - CORRIDOR - DAY

Seafoam green walls gleam under fluorescent lights. Elizabeth
ambles with LUKE, 30s, restrained. Luke carries a file box,
and shakes his head as they arrive at Cyrus' door.

LUKE
I have to outline tonight's sermon.

ELIZABETH
Luke, it won't upset him to see you.

LUKE
Four months, Cy hasn't trusted me
enough to preach. I won't rub his
face in it.

Elizabeth nods, and takes the box.

ELIZABETH
Thanks for the help.

INT. HOSPITAL - HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

Elizabeth rests the file box on the nightstand and kisses
Kyrel. She leans back but he catches her hand.

KYREL
Again.

This 2nd kiss is like the 1st he's ever tasted. When she
finally disengages, she gives a coy grin.

ELIZABETH
You make me so proud.

KYREL
I tried to seduce a nurse last night.
She wouldn't let me.

Elizabeth shushes him with a wave. She removes the lid from
the file box and holds up a fist full of letters and cards.

ELIZABETH
I'm answering them, Cy, but I thought
you'd want to see a few.

Kyrel chooses a get-well card.
12.

KYREL
What are they after?

Elizabeth blinks. Kyrel reads silently, wipes his eye in
surprise, frowns clinically at his finger's wetness.

ELIZABETH
Offers to cook, to pray.

KYREL
For me?

ELIZABETH
If your name is Cyrus. They'll do
the lawn, take care of the animals--

KYREL
And charge how much?

ELIZABETH
Silly.

Kyrel wipes another tear, shows it to Elizabeth.

KYREL
Did these people want me to cry?

Perplexed, Elizabeth hesitates. A SMALL KNOCK, KNOCK at the
door short-circuits her response. The DOCTOR, 50s, sweeps in
with an Ipad.

DOCTOR
Wounds almost healed. Like you had
some super power. How do you feel?

KYREL
Like I got pulled into something,
and don't know why.

KYREL SEES an electric, nearly transparent, blue snake's
tongue dart across the doctor's lips, then disappear.

KYREL
Demons everywhere, where are your
angels?

Doctor grins.

DOCTOR
Liz told me, you have no insurance.
(MORE)
13.

DOCTOR (CONT'D)
If she promises to keep you out of
trouble, you can leave tomorrow.

KYREL
I tried to leave. I couldn't.

Doctor and Elizabeth exchange a knowing glance.
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Horror"]

Summary Cyrus, recovering in a hospital room, is wary of the outpouring of support he's receiving in the form of letters and cards. Despite the doctor's offer of discharge, Cyrus reveals his inability to leave before, prompting a knowing glance between the doctor and Elizabeth. The scene ends with a lingering sense of mystery and the implication that Cyrus's situation is more complex than it seems.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Emotional depth
  • Intriguing dialogue
  • Tension and mystery
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly cryptic and hard to follow at times

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines supernatural elements with emotional depth, creating a tense and mysterious atmosphere. The dialogue is intriguing and adds layers to the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a demon inhabiting the body of a pastor is unique and intriguing, adding complexity to the characters and their relationships. The scene effectively explores themes of identity and morality.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the demon, Kyrel, takes control of Cyrus' body, setting up a conflict between good and evil. The scene sets up intriguing questions about the nature of Kyrel's presence and its implications for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique elements such as Kyrel's mysterious comment about demons and angels, adding intrigue and depth to the narrative. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Kyrel's internal struggle and Elizabeth's concern for Cyrus adding depth to the scene. The interactions between the characters are emotionally resonant and drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes a significant change as he inhabits Cyrus' body, leading to internal conflict and a shift in his identity. Elizabeth also experiences a change as she grapples with the implications of Kyrel's presence.

Internal Goal: 9

Elizabeth's internal goal is to show support and care for Kyrel, as seen through her actions of answering letters and cards, kissing him, and expressing pride in him. This reflects her deeper desire for connection and love.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to ensure Kyrel's well-being and recovery, as she interacts with the doctor and discusses his discharge. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating Kyrel's health and care.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Kyrel and Cyrus, as well as the internal conflict within Kyrel, drives the scene forward and creates tension. The clash of good and evil adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kyrel's cryptic statements and the doctor's mysterious reaction creating tension and uncertainty for the characters.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Kyrel takes control of Cyrus' body, leading to a clash between good and evil. The consequences of Kyrel's actions have significant implications for the characters and the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the conflict between Kyrel and Cyrus, setting up future developments in the narrative. The revelation of Kyrel's presence in Cyrus' body adds intrigue and suspense.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of Kyrel's cryptic statements and the doctor's mysterious reaction to them, leaving the audience unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around trust and loyalty, as Luke struggles with Cy's lack of trust in him and Kyrel questions the presence of angels and demons. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in faith and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene is emotionally impactful, as Kyrel's struggle and Elizabeth's concern evoke feelings of sadness, fear, and hope. The complex relationships between the characters add depth to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is cryptic and laden with hidden meanings, adding depth to the characters and their relationships. It effectively conveys the tension and mystery of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the subtle tension in their interactions, and the mystery surrounding Kyrel's comments about angels and demons.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments with dialogue and action, creating a dynamic and engaging rhythm.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and character cues that enhance readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue that advances the plot.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of direction or purpose, with dialogue that feels disjointed and lacks depth.
  • The interaction between Elizabeth and Luke feels forced and lacks emotional depth, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • Kyrel's behavior and dialogue seem inconsistent with his character as a demon, making it hard to understand his motivations and intentions.
  • The scene lacks tension and conflict, failing to engage the audience and move the story forward effectively.
  • The dialogue feels unnatural and stilted, with exchanges that do not flow smoothly or reveal much about the characters' inner thoughts and emotions.
Suggestions
  • Focus on developing more meaningful and authentic interactions between the characters to create a stronger emotional impact.
  • Clarify Kyrel's motivations and intentions to make his character more compelling and consistent.
  • Introduce more conflict and tension to drive the scene forward and keep the audience engaged.
  • Work on improving the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and relationships.
  • Consider adding more depth and complexity to the scene by exploring the characters' inner thoughts and emotions.



Scene 6 -  Electric Energy
EXT. KYREL'S (CYRUS') HOUSE - BACKYARD PEN - DAY

A baby lamb, MAAAAA, peers up at Kyrel who leans on a crutch
for balance. Kyrel's eyes flash green.

His gaze drifts to an ax leaned against an enclosure. He
tosses away the crutch as he moves. MAAAAA.

Kyrel lifts the ax -- blue electricity sparks from hand to
weapon. He tests its sharpness, glances at the lamb who
innocently remains near.

MAAAAA.

Kyrel swings the ax down...

CLUNK, onto a log, which splits in two. He stands another
log on end, swings the ax again. CLUNK.

AMANDA (O.S.)
Mom said to keep an eye on you.

Kyrel spins toward Cyrus' daughter, Amanda.

KYREL
Mandy, I thought you had homework.

AMANDA
You always get that look when you
think you goofed up.

KYREL
What look?

AMANDA
(disbelief)
Mom said to rest. Not to chop wood.
14.

KYREL
You'll learn when you're older, do
what you like, or people take
advantage.

Amanda hands Kyrel his crutch, wraps her arms around his
waist. Kyrel hugs her back -- his face shows the pleasure on
this simple act.

AMANDA
You're being a ding-dong.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Kyrel, Amanda and John at dinner. Elizabeth places a pot on
a trivet and sits. She takes Kyrel' hand, and the family
links hands. Kyrel realizes they all look to him.

KYREL
Yes, I remember: Grace.

ELIZABETH
I'm sure He'd love to hear from you.

John and Amanda look expectantly from Mom to "Dad." Kyrel
clears his throat, runs his fingers through his hair.

KYREL
Father...

His brows tug down as if in loss.

KYREL
Thank you for this meal, allowing me
to use this family. I feel strange
things -- good and painful -- for
reasons I don't understand, yet. But
I feel at home.

Elizabeth squeezes tight on Kyrel's hand. He looks there.

KYREL
And I'm thankful. Amen.

ELIZABETH
In Jesus' name, Amen.

AMANDA JOHN
Amen. Amen.
15.

Amanda and John dig in. Elizabeth shifts her fork.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Kyrel lays in bed, watches through the bathroom door as
Elizabeth creams her face. For a moment, his eyes flash green.

ELIZABETH
It'll all come back, Cy.

Kyrel studies the movement of her arm. Blue sparks tickle
his neck.

KYREL
You didn't like my prayer.

ELIZABETH
It's not like the doctors didn't
warn me, but you sound different.

KYREL
I am different.

Elizabeth sighs, flips off the light in the bathroom, and
slides into bed next to Kyrel.

KYREL
Why do you wear a cross?

ELIZABETH
This back to doubt?

KYREL
(small grin)
We never had that conversation.

ELIZABETH
You have to find your faith, Cy. I
can't give it to you. Perhaps Luke
can help.

KYREL
(disdain)
"Weak Luke"?

ELIZABETH
If you don't trust him, why'd you
hire him as assistant?
16.

KYREL
Do you wear a cross to remind you
not to lose faith?

Elizabeth's face betrays only curiosity.

KYREL
You never have doubts?

ELIZABETH
Never.

Kyrel's eyes tighten as if he were about to smile.

ELIZABETH
Cy, I love you.

KYREL
Which reminds me of walking in Heaven.

Elizabeth quietly observes him.

KYREL
Do you lust for me?

ELIZABETH
(a quick scold)
Cy...

KYREL
If you're worried about me, I'll
speak to Luke. It'll be fun.

ELIZABETH
Thank you.

Elizabeth touches his cheek -- a blue electric POP.

ELIZABETH
Ow.

His breath quickens. He reaches for a clasp on her nightshirt.

ELIZABETH
You died 4 times, Cy. You need to re--

He kisses her, tenderly, newly. Barely seen, a spirit hand
slaps the back of Kyrel's head.

KYREL
Ow!
17.

ELIZABETH
What?

KYREL
(lying)
A nerve turning back on.

Tiny blue knives of electricity run up his spine. His lips
taste hers. Elizabeth breathes heavier.

ELIZABETH
What's gotten into you?
Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama","Horror"]

Summary Kyrel, still recovering from his accident, displays strange, almost otherworldly energy as he interacts with his family, particularly with Elizabeth. His questioning of her faith creates tension between them, leading to a passionate kiss interrupted by an unseen force. The scene ends with Elizabeth questioning Kyrel's strange behavior, leaving the audience on a cliffhanger as to the cause and implications of his new abilities.
Strengths
  • Intriguing concept
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more concise
  • Pacing in certain scenes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends fantasy, drama, and horror elements, creating a tense and emotional atmosphere. The dialogue and character interactions are engaging, and the introduction of the demon possessing the pastor adds a layer of mystery and conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a demon taking over a pastor's body and the exploration of faith and doubt are intriguing and well-executed. The scene effectively introduces supernatural elements into a domestic setting, creating a unique and compelling premise.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene, as the demon Kyrel begins to interact with the pastor's family and grapples with his new identity. The tension and conflict are well-developed, keeping the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as blue electricity sparks, spiritual interactions, and a blend of mystical and emotional themes. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to their relationships and internal struggles.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their relationships are explored in depth. Kyrel's internal struggle and Elizabeth's unwavering faith add depth to the story, while Amanda and John provide a sense of normalcy amidst the supernatural events.

Character Changes: 7

Kyrel undergoes a significant change as he grapples with his new identity and the pastor's family. His interactions with Elizabeth and the children begin to shape his character in unexpected ways.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his new abilities and the strange feelings he is experiencing. He is also grappling with his past and his relationship with Elizabeth.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to integrate into his new family and find a sense of belonging and acceptance.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Kyrel's demonic nature and the pastor's identity, as well as the internal conflicts within the family, create a high level of tension and drama in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict, especially in Kyrel's internal struggles and his interactions with Elizabeth and his family.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Kyrel's presence in the pastor's body threatens to disrupt the family's life and the pastor's identity. The supernatural elements and internal conflicts raise the stakes and create a sense of urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future plot developments. The revelation of Kyrel's possession of the pastor's body propels the narrative in a new direction.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the blend of supernatural elements, emotional revelations, and philosophical conflicts that keep the audience guessing about the characters' motivations and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around faith, doubt, and acceptance. Kyrel's skepticism towards faith and his internal struggles with his abilities and past contrast with Elizabeth's unwavering faith and belief in finding one's faith.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and confusion to love and hope. The interactions between the characters and the supernatural elements heighten the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts present in the scene. The interactions between the characters feel authentic and help to drive the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of supernatural elements, emotional depth, and philosophical conflicts that keep the audience invested in the characters' journeys and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments, action sequences, and introspective dialogue to keep the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journeys.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue that advances the plot and character development.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a strong visual of Kyrel attempting to chop wood in the backyard, which sets a tense and suspenseful tone. The use of the ax and the blue electricity sparks add to the mysterious and eerie atmosphere of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Amanda reveals a glimpse of their relationship and Kyrel's protective nature towards her. However, the transition from chopping wood to the dinner table conversation feels a bit abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • Kyrel's prayer at the dinner table is a pivotal moment that showcases his internal conflict and his struggle to understand his new identity. The interaction between Kyrel, Elizabeth, and the children adds depth to their family dynamic and sets up the emotional tension for the rest of the scene.
  • The intimate moment between Kyrel and Elizabeth in the bedroom is well-written and reveals a sense of vulnerability and confusion in Kyrel's character. The use of green eyes and blue sparks as visual cues adds a layer of supernatural elements to the scene.
  • The scene ends with a mysterious and slightly ominous note as Kyrel experiences a wave of electric energy while attempting to kiss Elizabeth, hinting at a deeper connection or conflict within him.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between Kyrel chopping wood and the dinner table conversation to create a smoother flow in the scene.
  • Explore ways to further develop the relationship between Kyrel and Amanda to add more depth to their dynamic.
  • Continue to build on the emotional tension and conflict within Kyrel's character throughout the scene to keep the audience engaged.
  • Maintain the supernatural elements and visual cues consistently throughout the scene to enhance the mysterious atmosphere.
  • Consider expanding on the mysterious energy Kyrel experiences at the end of the scene to create a stronger sense of intrigue and anticipation for the next development.



Scene 7 -  Yearning for Feeling
INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Elizabeth shoves house-for-sale handouts in her briefcase.
Amanda and John collect school things. Kyrel clears the table.

JOHN
Dad, something's trying to get in
with the chickens again.

KYREL
I know the feeling. I'll check.

Kyrel's eyes meet Elizabeth's. She giggles like a teenager,
says a soft prayer she knows Kyrel will also hear:

ELIZABETH
Thank you, Father, for last night.
In Jesus' name. Amen.

Her CELL BUZZES. She reads the text.

ELIZABETH
(to Kyrel)
Your car rental will be here by nine.
(to the kids)
Let's go! March!

Amanda and John file out the back. Kyrel catches Elizabeth,
gives her a hungry kiss before she can leave.

KYREL
Tonight, again.

She quivers, slides out the door.

Kyrel grins. His attention drifts to the framed angel image.
18.

EXT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST CHURCH - DAY

A stone angel prays at the edge of a small cemetery, aside a
medium-size brick house of worship, playground to the side.

INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - PASTOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Vintage metal gas signs, religious art. Scarred faux-wood
desk. Kyrel sits on a sofa as Luke pours two unsweet teas.
Luke is careful but awkward in that Cyrus/Kyrel is his boss.

KYREL
Pretty high bar, that "faith."

LUKE
Mark 3:28, Pastor. "All sins" wiped
away.

KYREL
I'd prefer you stick with my name.

Luke raises an eyebrow.

KYREL
Certain words hurt. Spiritual...
(points up)
...although less today.

Luke chuffs, as if a light came on in his head.

LUKE
Liz had me look up aftereffects of
accidents. There's a long list.

KYREL
It's not the accident. It's touch,
taste: my wife, a hug from Amanda,
falling asleep on a soft bed, fresh
carrots, a hot shower - the sense of
feel. I want more.

Kyrel's eyes flit like a man too high on something.

KYREL
But there's such a thing as too far
gone. Too filled with screwups for...

Kyrel points up, braces himself for the pain, says it anyway:
19.

KYREL
...God.

He shrugs... that didn't hurt. Luke scoffs.

LUKE
How many times have we heard someone
say that?

KYREL
I remember a parishioner asked, "How
can someone like me be loved?" A
young woman, "Do you know how many
bad things I've done?" A parade of
the lost, Luke.

Luke thoughtfully sips his tea.

LUKE
How can I help you, Cy?

KYREL
Do you believe the truth will set me
free?

Luke's head twitches a double take.
Genres: ["Drama","Spiritual","Family"]

Summary Kyrel, consumed by a yearning for a full life, struggles with his inability to feel. He confides in his assistant, Luke, expressing his desire to experience the world again, particularly the physical sensations he misses. Luke offers comfort and guidance, suggesting forgiveness and God's love, but Kyrel remains doubtful, questioning whether truth truly sets him free. Meanwhile, Elizabeth leaves for work, leaving behind a passionate goodbye with Kyrel, highlighting the contrast between their individual struggles with faith and longing.
Strengths
  • Deep character development
  • Intriguing thematic exploration
  • Emotional resonance
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly introspective and slow-paced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively delves into the inner turmoil of the protagonist, setting up a compelling narrative arc and introducing intriguing conflicts.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a pastor grappling with his faith and identity after a supernatural event is engaging and sets up potential for deep character development.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces key conflicts and sets up intriguing dynamics between the characters, driving the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on faith, redemption, and emotional intimacy within a religious context. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to familiar themes.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion, particularly Kyrel's internal struggle and Elizabeth's supportive yet conflicted role.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes a significant internal transformation as he grapples with his faith and identity, setting up potential for a compelling character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Elizabeth's internal goal is to maintain a sense of connection and gratitude towards Kyrel, as seen through her prayer and interaction with him. This reflects her desire for emotional intimacy and appreciation.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to manage his responsibilities as a pastor and maintain a sense of faith and connection with his community. This reflects his immediate circumstances and challenges in balancing personal desires with his role as a spiritual leader.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The scene introduces internal and external conflicts that drive the characters' actions and decisions, setting up tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values between characters creating tension and uncertainty in their interactions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Kyrel as he navigates his internal struggles and seeks redemption, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the emotional and philosophical conflicts between characters, creating uncertainty and tension in their interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of faith, redemption, and self-worth. Kyrel struggles with feelings of inadequacy and the belief in his own redemption, while Luke questions the power of truth and forgiveness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from hope and yearning to conflict and introspection, drawing the audience into the characters' inner worlds.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is introspective and thought-provoking, reflecting the characters' inner conflicts and emotional states.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, intimate character interactions, and thematic complexity. The tension between characters and the spiritual undertones keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing for meaningful character interactions and thematic exploration.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character interactions and dialogue, effectively building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear direction and purpose, with a mix of mundane activities and cryptic interactions that don't fully connect.
  • The dialogue feels forced and unnatural at times, especially the exchange between Kyrel and Luke in the pastor's office.
  • The transition from Elizabeth's prayer to the interaction with Kyrel in the kitchen feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • There is a lack of depth and emotional resonance in the scene, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the characters and their dynamics.
  • The visual imagery of the blue knives of electricity and the passionate kiss between Kyrel and Elizabeth feels out of place and disconnected from the rest of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the purpose of the scene and ensure that each interaction serves to advance the plot or develop the characters.
  • Work on making the dialogue more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different moments in the scene to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Focus on building emotional depth and authenticity in the interactions between the characters to create a more engaging and relatable scene.
  • Consider toning down the supernatural elements and focusing on the human dynamics and conflicts to ground the scene in a more realistic context.



Scene 8 -  The Demon on the Playground
EXT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - PLAYGROUND - DAY

Kyrel and Luke, mid-conversation, sway on the swing set.
Kyrel tries to follow Luke's movement as they pass each other.

LUKE
Where does it say "most people" have
demons?

KYREL
Pride, anger, lukewarm preaching.
You have them, don't you?

LUKE
You're testing me?

KYREL
If lust or doubt, aren't Godly...
(surprised smile)
...where do you get those goofs?

Luke stops swinging. Kyrel halts next to him, fingers the
tactile pleasure of the swing chain.
20.

KYREL
I'm fallen, you're fallen. Even
Elizabeth. The question is "how far?"

LUKE
The beauty, Cy, is it doesn't matter.

Kyrel takes a deep breath.

KYREL
I'm not Cyrus.

LUKE
I know, you don't feel like yourself--

KYREL
I have his thoughts and memories.
He's in here, weak--

LUKE
I'm not the same person as when I
was 8. Certainly not as innocent.
Although I did some stupid things
back then.

They stroll across the "hurt-proof" rubberized surface around
the gym set. Kyrel bounces like a kid as he walks.

KYREL
Me too. London, 6th Century, a widow
and 5 children were getting evicted.
I caused the landlord to give mercy.

Luke raises his eyebrows.

LUKE
6th Century?

KYREL
It's not bad enough I've had my own
conflicts to save people's butts,
now I have to deal with Cy's too.

A worried look on his face, Luke studies Kyrel.

KYREL
Satan punished me for the widow with
clergy duties: I planted seeds of
doubt in Cyrus for years.

Kyrel spots Luke's questioning tilt of his head.
21.

KYREL
I have a whole list of clients.
Including one of your best friends.

LUKE
What are you talking about?

KYREL
Where do you think your lapses come
from? I'm a demon.

Luke laughs.

LUKE
That's what my mom called me: "Little
Demon." When I was 6.

Kyrel's jaw drops in frustration, he stands still.

LUKE
Pastor, you almost died. You're not
possessed or oppressed. You're
depressed.

With his back to Luke, Kyrel turns his eyes green -- ready
to show Luke, he grins.

KYREL
Will you believe your own eyes?

Luke wraps an arm over Kyrel's shoulder. Kyrel visibly
relaxes. His eyes soothe into a soft brown.

LUKE
You're stressed. Let yourself feel
your church's love.

Luke gives Kyrel a brotherly hug.

LUKE
We don't need to be perfect, just
working toward it.

Kyrel expression is the gravity of someone totally disarmed.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama"]

Summary Kyrel, convinced he is possessed by a demon, confronts his friend Luke with his belief. He claims to have planted seeds of doubt in others and recounts past lives filled with sin and punishment. Luke, however, attributes Kyrel's turmoil to depression and attempts to offer comfort and reassurance. Their conversation, filled with tension and uncertainty, leaves the audience questioning whether Kyrel will embrace Luke's perspective or remain consumed by his belief in demonic possession.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively delves into the inner turmoil of the characters, particularly Kyrel, and sets up a compelling conflict that drives the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a demon inhabiting the body of a pastor and seeking redemption is intriguing and adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Kyrel reveals his past actions and struggles with his current situation, setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on sin, redemption, and personal struggles, offering a unique take on spiritual themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Kyrel and Luke, are well-developed and their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes a significant internal change as he grapples with his past actions and seeks redemption, setting up potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal is to come to terms with his own identity and struggles, particularly his connection to Cyrus and the demons he believes he possesses. This reflects his deeper need for self-acceptance and understanding.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to confront Luke about his beliefs and experiences, challenging his perception of himself and his role in the world.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The internal conflict within Kyrel and the potential external conflicts hinted at in the dialogue create tension and intrigue.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values creating tension between the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Kyrel struggles with his past actions and seeks redemption, potentially impacting his relationships and future decisions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about Kyrel's past and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' beliefs and actions. The revelation of Kyrel's true nature adds a layer of unpredictability to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the nature of sin, redemption, and personal responsibility. Kyrel and Luke debate the existence of demons and the impact of their actions on themselves and others, challenging their beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional depth of the characters and their struggles resonates with the audience, drawing them into the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its deep emotional resonance, thought-provoking dialogue, and complex character dynamics. The interactions between Kyrel and Luke draw the audience in and keep them invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with well-paced dialogue and character interactions. It effectively conveys the internal and external conflicts of the characters.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the characters' motivations and the overall direction of the conversation. There is a lot of back and forth dialogue that may confuse the audience.
  • The transition between topics feels abrupt and disjointed, making it difficult to follow the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Luke feels forced at times, with Kyrel's sudden revelation of being a demon coming across as contrived.
  • The scene could benefit from more subtlety and nuance in exploring Kyrel's inner conflict and Luke's attempts to help him.
  • The visual elements, such as Kyrel turning his eyes green, could be more effectively integrated into the scene to enhance the supernatural aspect of the story.
Suggestions
  • Simplify the dialogue to focus on the core conflict and emotions of the characters. Avoid unnecessary tangents that detract from the main storyline.
  • Create a smoother transition between topics to ensure the audience can easily follow the conversation and understand the characters' motivations.
  • Develop Kyrel and Luke's relationship further to establish a stronger emotional connection between them, which will make Kyrel's confession more impactful.
  • Consider incorporating more visual cues and actions to enhance the supernatural elements of the scene and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Work on building tension and suspense throughout the scene to keep the audience engaged and eager to see how the conflict between Kyrel and Luke unfolds.



Scene 9 -  A Visit from Raphael
EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - PORCH - NIGHT

Full length of the house: glider at one end, swing at the
other. Kyrel listens to the SOUND OF CICADAS.
22.

ELIZABETH (O.S.)
Dinner! On the table.

Kyrel heads toward the screen door. Raphael, angel sword in
scabbard, stands in the way -- face hard, translucent.

KYREL
Raphael -- the One Who Heals.

RAPHAEL
Watch how you step.

Kyrel edges back, totters at the top of the stairs. He grabs
the rail for balance. Turns back. Raphael is gone.

From Kyrel's gray complexion, he didn't enjoy the meeting.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Kyrel observes as Elizabeth, Amanda and John hold hands. He
adds his... but says nothing. Elizabeth nods to John.

JOHN
Heavenly Father, please bless my
family. Thank you for this outrageous
food. For the B in math, and Linda
Anne in school, who smiled at me.
Grace, mercy and "peas" from God,
the Father. In Jesus' name, amen.

Amanda giggles. Elizabeth glares.

ELIZABETH AMANDA
Amen. Amen.

John reaches for the peas.

KYREL
Wait.

The rest of the family freezes. Kyrel struggles to say:

KYREL
God, nice to feel You again. Can't
believe You allowed this to happen.
Is that You, making me rethink how I
should act?

Amanda questions John with a lift of her eyebrows.
23.

KYREL
In Jesus' name. Amen.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama"]

Summary Kyrel, disturbed by the cryptic warning of an angel named Raphael, seeks solace in a family dinner. During a prayer led by his father, John, Kyrel expresses his confusion and gratitude to God, leaving the audience to wonder about the implications of the angel's visit and Kyrel's internal conflict.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • Exploration of faith and identity
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing without prior context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends fantasy and drama elements, creating a tense and reflective atmosphere. The dialogue is engaging, and the conflict between the characters adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a demon possessing a pastor's body is intriguing and sets up a unique conflict. The exploration of faith, identity, and transformation adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as the demon struggles with his new form and interacts with the pastor's family. The introduction of conflict and tension keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of faith and divine intervention, blending supernatural elements with everyday family interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each with their own struggles and beliefs. The dynamic between the demon and the pastor's family adds complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The demon undergoes a significant transformation, both physically and emotionally, as he grapples with his new form and beliefs. The pastor's family also experiences changes in their perception of faith and identity.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his faith and his role in the events that have transpired. He is questioning his beliefs and seeking guidance from a higher power.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal in this scene is to navigate the tense family dinner situation and address the presence of Raphael in a way that maintains peace within the family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the demon and the pastor's family, as well as the internal conflict of the demon, creates a tense and engaging atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kyrel facing internal and external challenges that add complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as the demon's presence in the pastor's body threatens to disrupt the family's life and faith. The conflict between belief systems adds tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and deepening the characters' arcs. It sets up future developments and reveals key aspects of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected appearance of Raphael and Kyrel's internal struggle with his faith.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Kyrel's beliefs and his current circumstances. He is grappling with the idea of divine intervention and his own agency.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from confusion to hope to doubt. The inner struggles of the characters resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters. It effectively conveys the tension and emotional depth of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the spiritual themes at play, and the mystery surrounding Raphael's presence.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and allowing for moments of introspection and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic family interaction, with a clear buildup of tension and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a strong visual of Kyrel on the porch, listening to the sound of cicadas, setting a mysterious and eerie tone.
  • The interaction between Kyrel and Raphael is intriguing, but the dialogue feels a bit forced and could be more natural.
  • Kyrel's reaction to Raphael's warning could be more impactful to convey the tension between them.
  • The transition to the dining room is smooth, but Kyrel's internal monologue feels a bit disjointed and could be more coherent.
  • The family prayer scene is well-written, but Kyrel's sudden outburst and questioning of God could be more subtly integrated into the conversation.
  • The family dynamics and reactions to Kyrel's behavior could be further explored to add depth to the scene.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Kyrel's introspective prayer, leaving the audience intrigued about his internal struggle.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the dialogue between Kyrel and Raphael to make it more natural and impactful.
  • Enhance Kyrel's reaction to Raphael's warning to heighten the tension in the scene.
  • Work on integrating Kyrel's internal thoughts more seamlessly into the conversation during the family prayer.
  • Explore the family dynamics and reactions further to add depth and complexity to the scene.
  • Consider building up to Kyrel's introspective prayer to create a more cohesive and impactful ending.



Scene 10 -  The Ticking Clock of Trust
INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

A wall clock TICKS. Kyrel watches Elizabeth, who tries,
unsuccessfully, to concentrate on her Bible.

ELIZABETH
Mandy and John both asked about how
you're acting.

KYREL
I'd never hurt them. Never a child.
Never a woman. How about, tomorrow,
you skip work, and we kick up our
heels? Have good, clean fun.

Elizabeth's eyes sweep to Kyrel.

TICK, TICK, TICK.

ELIZABETH
Who have you become?

Kyrel tenses, unsure whether to tell her the truth.

ELIZABETH
Last night after we... fell asleep,
God told me not to trust what I see
but look inside.

Kyrel reaches for her hand but she pulls it back.

ELIZABETH
Cyrus would never, ever: blow to the
head, unconscious, healed lungs, be
as open, as forthcoming as you. Or
ask me to skip work.

Kyrel stands silent. TICK, TICK, TICK.

ELIZABETH
Tell me not to be afraid.

KYREL
Liz, I--

ELIZABETH
Where's my Cyrus?
24.

TICK, TICK, TICK. Kyrel's breathing speeds faster.

KYREL
What did Luke say about me?

ELIZABETH
To give you time.

KYREL
I wanted to brag about us. My good
and bad sides in combat. I felt shy.

ELIZABETH
Shy? With Luke?

KYREL
After the accident, when I woke up
in the hospital...

He sighs. TICK, TICK, TICK.

KYREL
Your love was like the touch of an
angel's wings. Warm, healing.
Dangerous. Like your kiss.

Elizabeth's gaze drops for a moment, rises to meet his.

KYREL
Not quite the same but, making love
with you was like a drug that restored
me. You're not a drug, are you?

TICK, TICK, TICK.

Elizabeth takes a moment to recover from Kyrel's words.

ELIZABETH
The morning of the accident, you had
doubts.

Kyrel's brow furrows in thought.

KYREL
He was feeling... lost--

ELIZABETH
"He"?

For a moment, Kyrel seems completely unsure of himself.
25.

KYREL
The man I was. Praying for answers.

Elizabeth angles her head in curiosity.

KYREL
Does God still listen? To you, but
maybe not to me. Does He still slap
us when we mess up, and give us loose
change if we do good?

ELIZABETH
Does He?

KYREL
He gave me you.

TICK, TICK, TICK, TICK. Elizabeth holds out her hand.

Kyrel takes it.
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy"]

Summary Kyrel and Elizabeth confront their troubled relationship in a tense conversation at Kyrel's house. Kyrel reveals his insecurities and vulnerabilities, but Elizabeth remains skeptical, questioning his sincerity and past actions. The ticking of a wall clock underscores the passage of time and unresolved tension. Despite their difficulties, Elizabeth extends her hand to Kyrel, suggesting a fragile hope for reconciliation.
Strengths
  • Intimate dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the intimate dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth, showcasing the internal struggle of the characters. The emotional depth and thematic exploration add layers to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a demon inhabiting a pastor's body and navigating human emotions and relationships is intriguing and well-executed. The exploration of faith and identity adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Kyrel's internal conflict and transformation are revealed, setting up future conflicts and character development. The scene sets the stage for further exploration of the consequences of Kyrel's possession.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements of spirituality and introspection into a domestic setting, creating a unique blend of tension, mystery, and emotional depth. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Kyrel and Elizabeth are well-developed, with complex emotions and motivations driving their interactions. The dynamic between them adds depth to the scene and sets up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes a significant transformation as he struggles with his new identity and emotions. His interactions with Elizabeth challenge his beliefs and perceptions, leading to potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile his past actions and feelings with his current self. He is grappling with his identity and the impact of his relationship with Elizabeth on his sense of self.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to reassure Elizabeth and address her concerns about his behavior and intentions. He wants to rebuild trust and connection with her.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Kyrel grapples with his new identity and the consequences of his possession. The tension between Kyrel and Elizabeth adds emotional depth and sets up potential external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, with Elizabeth challenging Kyrel's beliefs and actions, leading to a sense of tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Kyrel grapples with his new identity and the impact on his relationships. The potential consequences of his possession add tension and uncertainty to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing Kyrel's internal conflict and transformation, setting up future conflicts and character arcs. It deepens the narrative and adds complexity to the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, the revelation of new information, and the unresolved tensions that keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the struggle between faith and doubt, trust and deception. Kyrel questions his beliefs and actions, while Elizabeth seeks clarity and truth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes fear, love, and confusion in the characters, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience. The intimate moments between Kyrel and Elizabeth resonate with the audience and deepen the emotional connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intimate and revealing, capturing the emotional turmoil of the characters. It effectively conveys the internal struggles and conflicting emotions of Kyrel and Elizabeth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful atmosphere, complex character dynamics, and emotional depth. The dialogue and interactions between Kyrel and Elizabeth draw the audience in and keep them invested in the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, allowing for moments of reflection and emotional impact to resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with effective use of dialogue and scene descriptions to create a visual and emotional impact.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a natural progression of dialogue and character interactions, building tension and revealing deeper layers of the characters' emotions and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and mystery through the dialogue and interactions between Kyrel and Elizabeth, creating a sense of unease and uncertainty.
  • The use of the ticking clock as a motif adds to the suspense and highlights the passage of time, emphasizing the weight of the conversation.
  • Kyrel's internal conflict and struggle to reveal the truth to Elizabeth are well portrayed, adding depth to his character and creating intrigue for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth is engaging and reveals important aspects of their relationship and Kyrel's internal turmoil.
  • The scene effectively conveys the emotional complexity of Kyrel and Elizabeth's relationship, as well as Kyrel's internal struggle with his identity and past.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual cues or actions to enhance the tension and suspense in the scene, such as body language or facial expressions.
  • Explore Kyrel's internal conflict and transformation in more detail to provide deeper insight into his character and motivations.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene and enhance the emotional impact of the dialogue.
  • Further develop Elizabeth's perspective and reactions to Kyrel's revelations to add depth to her character and the dynamics of their relationship.
  • Experiment with different pacing and structure to create a more dynamic and engaging scene that keeps the audience captivated.



Scene 11 -  A Meeting of Beauty and Mystery
INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - MASTER BATHROOM - NIGHT

Kyrel ponders himself in the mirror.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

PHOOMP, the a/c unit forces air through the vent, infuses
the room with excitement.

Kyrel slides into bed opposite Elizabeth, who's asleep. He
caresses her with his eyes.
KYREL
(sotto)
You are more beautiful than Lucifer
before his fall.

He snakes closer.

KYREL
(sotto)
The first red of sun after a dark,
violent night.

Her eyes slide open. They watch each other.

Blue electricity runs up his spine, leaps into her belly.
26.

EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - DAY

Elizabeth at her SUV, calls toward the house.

ELIZABETH
Com'on, kids. Now.

She spots Kyrel at the window, exchanges a wave.

John saunters out the front. Amanda gallops past. They pile
in the vehicle and Elizabeth starts off.

A red Corvette screams into the driveway, almost hits
Elizabeth's fender -- but no one seems to react.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

DING-DONG. Kyrel hustles to open the door for: RUTH, ageless,
the proverbial glasses-wearing librarian with a jet-black
briefcase, and an air of in-charge.

RUTH
Cyrus Howell?

She flashes an official ID.

RUTH
I'm with an agency above your pay
level, but you can call me Ruth. May
I come in?

Kyrel opens the door wide. As she passes, he sniffs the air.

RUTH
The cologne is, "Devil May Care."
Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama","Horror"]

Summary Kyrel admires Elizabeth while she sleeps, comparing her beauty to Lucifer before his fall. Their eyes meet, sparking a jolt of electricity between them. The next day, Elizabeth leaves with her children as a red Corvette nearly hits her SUV. Ruth, a mysterious woman from an agency above Kyrel's pay level, arrives at his house and notes his cologne, 'Devil May Care.' The scene transitions from romantic to suspenseful, setting the stage for a potential confrontation.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Mysterious and tense atmosphere
  • Intriguing supernatural elements
Weaknesses
  • Possible confusion for the audience due to the complex storyline and character relationships

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines different genres and tones to create a compelling and suspenseful atmosphere. The dialogue and character interactions are engaging, drawing the audience into the complex dynamics between Kyrel and Elizabeth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a demon inhabiting a pastor's body and the resulting emotional and supernatural conflicts are intriguing and well-executed. The scene introduces unique elements that add depth to the overall storyline.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the interactions between Kyrel and Elizabeth, revealing their complex relationship and the supernatural forces at play. The scene sets up intriguing conflicts and developments for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as references to Lucifer, poetic dialogue, and mysterious characters like Ruth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Kyrel and Elizabeth are well-developed, with layers of emotion, conflict, and intrigue. Their interactions drive the scene forward and create a sense of tension and mystery.

Character Changes: 7

Both Kyrel and Elizabeth undergo emotional and psychological changes in the scene, deepening their characters and setting up potential arcs for future development. Their interactions reveal new layers of their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to express his deep admiration and desire for Elizabeth, as seen through his poetic and romantic dialogue. This reflects his need for connection and intimacy.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to navigate the unexpected arrival of Ruth and the potential implications of her visit. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining control and composure.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, driving the tension and suspense. The conflicting desires and suspicions between Kyrel and Elizabeth create a sense of unease and mystery.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the unexpected arrival of Ruth and the potential implications of her visit creating tension and conflict for Kyrel.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in the scene as Kyrel and Elizabeth navigate their complex relationship, trust issues, and supernatural forces. The outcome of their interactions could have significant consequences for the characters and the overall storyline.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future developments. It advances the plot while maintaining a sense of mystery and suspense.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden arrival of Ruth and the mysterious elements introduced, such as the red Corvette and Kyrel's poetic dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of temptation, desire, and power. Kyrel's references to Lucifer and the devil suggest a deeper struggle with morality and personal values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from passion and intrigue to suspicion and confusion. The intimate moments between Kyrel and Elizabeth, combined with the supernatural elements, create a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional impact of the interactions between Kyrel and Elizabeth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of mystery, romance, and tension. The interactions between the characters and the unexpected arrival of Ruth keep the audience intrigued.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences adds to the overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear transitions between locations and characters. It maintains a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene opens with Kyrel admiring himself in the mirror, which sets a tone of self-reflection and introspection. However, the transition to the bedroom lacks a clear connection to the initial setup in the bathroom.
  • The use of the a/c unit forcing air through the vent to infuse the room with excitement is an interesting choice, but it may not fully connect with the emotional moment between Kyrel and Elizabeth in bed.
  • Kyrel's poetic and romanticized descriptions of Elizabeth, comparing her to Lucifer and the first red of sun after a dark night, add depth to their relationship. However, the sudden appearance of blue electricity running up his spine and into her belly feels somewhat abrupt and disconnected from the previous imagery.
  • The introduction of Ruth, a mysterious and authoritative figure, adds intrigue to the scene. However, the transition from the intimate moment between Kyrel and Elizabeth to Ruth's arrival could be smoother to maintain the emotional continuity.
  • The scene ends with a sense of tension and anticipation as Ruth enters Kyrel's house, leaving the audience curious about her intentions and the potential impact on Kyrel and Elizabeth's relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transition between the bathroom and bedroom scenes to ensure a seamless flow of emotions and actions.
  • Revisit the use of the a/c unit as a symbol of excitement and explore ways to better integrate it with the intimate moment between Kyrel and Elizabeth.
  • Develop the buildup to the moment of blue electricity running between Kyrel and Elizabeth to enhance the emotional impact and connection between the characters.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between the intimate moment in bed and Ruth's entrance to maintain the scene's emotional coherence.
  • Continue to build suspense and intrigue surrounding Ruth's character to keep the audience engaged and eager to learn more about her role in the story.



Scene 12 -  The Battle for Kyrel's Soul
INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - ASSEMBLY - DAY

Luke and Elizabeth sit on the edge of the stage.

ELIZABETH
He's not the same man.

LUKE
Worse or better?

ELIZABETH
Less salt, more pepper. What did he
say to you?
27.

LUKE
You know I'm not going to tell--

ELIZABETH
For gosh sakes, Luke, this is Cyrus.
Did he say anything strange?

Luke takes a slow, thoughtful breath.

LUKE
When I walked him to the car, he
asked, "How does a father keep track
of all his children?"

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Seated, Ruth wipes crumbs from the table. Kyrel stands.

RUTH
"Government: uh-oh," but I'm here to
serve.

KYREL
What department do you work for?

She flicks a finger and a chair slides out for Kyrel.

KYREL
Oh.

He eases onto the chair. Ruth slides her briefcase on the
table, unsnaps the latches but leaves the lid down.

KYREL
The Angel Raphael visited me.

RUTH
He can't interfere. Not unless you
ask him.

Ruth twitches a finger and the briefcase inches toward Kyrel --
the valise changes from black to brown. The lid pops open to
stacks and stacks of $100 bills.

RUTH
This is in case you have feelings
for the woman you lie to, in order
to climb into bed with.

Kyrel's eyes narrow.
28.

RUTH
With that, you won "despicable deed
of the week." The boss loved that.

Kyrel pushes back from the table. Ruth clenches her fingers
and draws him and his chair back in.

She hand-nudges the red attaché forward. Stacks of $50 bills.

RUTH
Leave this fool's flesh and come
back to causing serious trouble.

KYREL
What happens to you if I don't?

For a split second A MILLION SCREAMS OF PAIN seem to seep
from Ruth's skin. Her expression turns grim.

RUTH
There's no free will in hell.

KYREL
Elizabeth gets the money?

RUTH
They can have a bigger house, a better
school, better health care. Better,
better, bigger, bigger.

KYREL
But act fast or the offer shrinks?

RUTH
He understands you want to rake in
as much pleasure as you can, but
it's not enough, is it?

KYREL
Where's this going?

She wipes a "tear."

RUTH
Years ago my mother suffered from
cancer. My brothers and I were left
with huge bills and no way of paying.
Big pharma, big hospitals, and big
interest tacked on every month.
29.

KYREL
Since we're both trained to lie, is
the bottom line that Satan did this
to me?

Ruth hesitates.

RUTH
We could give the chickie-chicks and
the lambie-poos days in pain, so the
children can fear their own death.

Ruth's eyes flash like a snake, toward the window.

RUTH
She's coming back.

Ruth snaps her fingers at the day outside and evening falls
instantly. Flames lick the sky beyond the window.

RUTH
Kyrel, humans work hard, have children
who hate them, and die. Why do that
to yourself?

She breaks the band of a stack of 50s, and spreads the pile --
which are now $20 bills.

RUTH
Say, "I surrender," and I escort you
back, away from the misery you'll
cause his children, his family.

She slaps the table, which leaves a single 100, no briefcase,
and brings DAY OUTSIDE, no fires.

KYREL
Cute tricks. But you can't release
me either. Can you? Why am I stuck?

Ruth flares like a burning inferno.

RUTH
In the name of Satan, GET OUT OF
THAT BODY!

She calms to normal, studies Kyrel, who shrugs.

RUTH
I had chills. How could you resist?
30.

KYREL
I'm just one mid-level demon. What's
the big deal?

RUTH
If Lucifer allows the Guy Upstairs
to de-sting even one scorpion, what
would that say about Satan's power?

The SOUND OF THE FRONT DOOR OPENING. Ruth's grin falls like
a guillotine.

RUTH
Stay with your precious pastor, see
what happens.

ELIZABETH (O.S.)
Cyrus, are you here?

Kyrel watches Elizabeth glide in.

ELIZABETH
I have to show a house. What's that?

Kyrel swivels to Ruth. But Ruth's chair is empty. Smoke
billows from the table top -- a burning paper napkin printed
like a $100 bill.

Elizabeth smothers the flame with a saucepan lid. When she
lifts the cover, she stares at the burnt remains, opens her
mouth to speak... closes it.

ELIZABETH
For church Sunday, Luke asked if
you'd thought of a sermon. Or should
he give another?

Elizabeth seems to FREEZE. In the same instant, the Angel
Raphael appears. Kyrel alerts.

RAPHAEL
The Spirit will give you the words.

Raphael disappears, and Elizabeth CONTINUES:

ELIZABETH
Cyrus?

KYREL
A sermon?
31.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Elizabeth and Luke discuss Cyrus's strange behavior while Kyrel and Ruth clash over Kyrel's allegiance. Ruth offers Kyrel money to leave Elizabeth and return to the underworld, revealing her dark intentions. Elizabeth enters the scene and is frozen in place by a supernatural force, as an Angel appears. The tense atmosphere and ominous visuals create a sense of danger and uncertainty, leaving the outcome of the situation unclear.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Engaging dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly cryptic or confusing at times

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, filled with tension and mystery. The dialogue is compelling, and the interactions between the characters are intriguing, keeping the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a demon struggling with his identity and facing temptation is unique and well-executed. The scene delves deep into the internal conflict of Kyrel and explores the consequences of his choices.

Plot: 9

The plot is complex and layered, with multiple storylines converging in a suspenseful manner. The introduction of Ruth adds a new dimension to the narrative, raising the stakes for Kyrel and Elizabeth.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and original elements, such as the supernatural beings and moral dilemmas, while also exploring familiar themes of temptation and free will in a unique and engaging way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with their own motivations and conflicts. Kyrel's inner turmoil, Ruth's mysterious nature, and Elizabeth's resilience create a dynamic interplay that drives the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes a significant transformation in the scene, grappling with his identity and facing moral dilemmas. His interactions with Ruth and Elizabeth challenge his beliefs and values, leading to internal growth and change.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the moral and ethical dilemmas presented to him by Ruth, a demon, and to reconcile his own beliefs with the temptations and consequences of his actions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to resist the temptations and manipulations of Ruth, who offers him money and power in exchange for causing harm to others.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with internal and external tensions driving the narrative forward. The clash of desires and moral dilemmas creates a sense of urgency and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ruth presenting a formidable challenge to Kyrel's beliefs and values. Her manipulative tactics and temptations create a sense of uncertainty and moral ambiguity that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with Kyrel's choices impacting not only his own fate but also the lives of those around him. The moral dilemmas and temptations he faces raise the stakes and add tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts and dilemmas that propel the narrative towards its climax. The revelations and developments set the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue, as well as the supernatural elements that add an element of mystery and suspense. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' motivations and intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of free will, morality, and the consequences of one's actions. Ruth represents temptation and manipulation, while Kyrel must grapple with his own choices and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and suspense to hope and despair. The characters' inner struggles and conflicting desires resonate with the audience, creating a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' emotions and intentions effectively. The exchanges between Kyrel, Ruth, and Elizabeth are tense and thought-provoking.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, supernatural elements, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience on the edge of their seats. The conflict and tension between the characters drive the scene forward and create a sense of suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense that leads to a climactic moment of revelation and conflict. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions enhances the scene's effectiveness in conveying the themes and character dynamics.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of revelation and conflict. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the themes and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene transitions between Luke and Elizabeth discussing Cyrus's changed behavior to Kyrel and Ruth's intense conversation, which may feel disjointed and abrupt.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Ruth is heavy with exposition and lacks subtlety, making it feel forced and unnatural.
  • The interaction between Kyrel and Ruth feels rushed and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to build tension and suspense.
  • The sudden appearance and disappearance of Ruth, along with the magical elements, may come across as confusing and disconnected from the rest of the scene.
  • The transition from the intense conversation with Ruth to Elizabeth's entrance and the mention of a sermon feels abrupt and could benefit from smoother pacing.
Suggestions
  • Consider integrating the conversations between Luke and Elizabeth and Kyrel and Ruth more seamlessly to create a smoother flow in the scene.
  • Focus on developing a more nuanced and natural dialogue between Kyrel and Ruth, allowing the tension and stakes to build gradually.
  • Add more layers to the interaction between Kyrel and Ruth, exploring their motivations and dynamics to create a more engaging and suspenseful exchange.
  • Provide clearer context and explanation for the magical elements and transitions in the scene to ensure they are effectively integrated into the narrative.
  • Work on refining the pacing and transitions between different elements of the scene to create a more cohesive and engaging storytelling experience.



Scene 13 -  The Possessed Preacher
INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - DAY

A successful but lukewarm ministry -- you might attend, but
not if there's a good game on.

PARISHIONERS and STAFF; 40% empty seats. Kyrel in a pew with
Elizabeth, Amanda and John. Luke at the pulpit. Applause and
whistles welcome "Cyrus" back. Kyrel moves to the dais.

KYREL
(to the crowd)
You must really like your pastor.

More clapping.

KYREL
This... feels so good.

The crowd quiets, except Ruth steps into an aisle.

RUTH
Say the words, Cy! All the truth and
nothing but.

All in the church focus onto Ruth.

Kyrel's eyes lock with hers, a flash of green in his gaze.
He stiffens as if something has taken him over.

Kyrel frowns, tries to fight against whatever is happening.

KYREL
(to Ruth)
Stop that!

Ruth shrugs in confusion while Kyrel shakes his arms and
shoulders, visibly struggling.

He leans forward, his eyes burning with purpose as he surveys
the crowd: TWO TEENAGERS are distracted on their cell phones;
a YOUNG COUPLE chats.

KYREL
Truth? Is that what you want?

Parishioners politely applaud while Ruth follows Kyrel's
gaze with concern.
32.

KYREL
(to parishioners)
I see love. You. The woman next to
you. But the guy one seat over is in
the hands of the devil. Did you know
that?

Elizabeth stops whispering to Amanda, her eyes fix on Kyrel.

KYREL
I say this not to scare you but to
warn you.

Several people exchange glances, and Kyrel points at an
ELDERLY COUPLE, who straighten in their seats.

KYREL
"He's Christian." "She volunteers."
What more could you ask?... I want
you to wake up!

A PAIR OF MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN startle, settle back, eyes wide.

Ruth settles into her seat with a worried expression.

KYREL
You must step behind the movie screen
to watch the film. Watch the enemy
infiltrate your Christian family.

Amanda and John rivet on Kyrel's words.

KYREL
Watch your schools, your entertainment
blister and rot. Watch your churches
tread underfoot. The enemy is at the
gate. Some already inside.

Ruth glares, her hand flies to her throat in a predatory
gesture. Kyrel reaches for his Adam's apple in distress.

KYREL
(a bit choked)
You know what I don't see? For all
the prayers, the songs, the offerings,
Where is MY church?

Luke gasps. Ruth clenches harder at her throat.
33.

KYREL
(hoarse)
I want to see the casting out of
demons, curing the sick, working
miracles. Wake up! Thus sayeth the
Lord.

A single cough breaks the silence.

KYREL
(stronger voice)
I'm banned from government, tossed
out of schools, muzzled at places of
worship. Separation of church and
state? Separation of God and His
children.

A concerned MOTHER-TYPE calls out.

MOTHER TYPE
What are you saying, Pastor?

KYREL
When that happened, where were you?

Kyrel's eyes open wide. Blood bubbles from his mouth. He
takes an unsteady step back, as if released from a firm grip.

Ruth drops her hand to her side, powerless.

Luke helps Kyrel to a chair, offers him a water bottle as

The praise BAND PLAYS.

(LATER)

The crowd has emptied. Elizabeth in a pew. Kyrel, full of
energy, paces back and forth.

KYREL
Those weren't my words. They were
said through me.

ELIZABETH
Whose words were they?

Kyrel stops near Elizabeth.
34.

KYREL
That woman, Ruth... threatened you
and the kids.

ELIZABETH
The lady in the aisle?

Kyrel nods, heads to the stage.

ELIZABETH
Good grief, Cy, sit still.

KYREL
Truth is a stimulant.

ELIZABETH
Why would a woman I don't know
threaten us?

KYREL
The devil fights back. Hard.

Kyrel slides onto the pew near Elizabeth, runs his fingers
through his hair.

ELIZABETH
Cy, I don't understand.

KYREL
Before I woke in the hospital I was
empty. You and the kids changed all
that. Suddenly I have purpose.

Elizabeth breathes heavily, intensely uneasy,.

ELIZABETH
I need to find the kids outside.
Please tone it down, it scares them.

KYREL
You want me strong. Load both guns,
Liz. The enemy's closing in.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Spiritual"]

Summary Kyrel delivers a fiery sermon warning the congregation about the devil's infiltration in their lives, accusing Ruth of threatening him. He collapses after spitting up blood, later confiding in Elizabeth that the words were not his own and feeling a renewed sense of purpose.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • High emotional impact
  • Engaging concept
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too cryptic or confusing for the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, suspenseful, and confrontational, with a strong emotional impact and high stakes. It moves the story forward significantly and features compelling character changes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a pastor possessed by a demon, delivering a powerful message to his congregation, is unique and engaging. It adds depth to the spiritual themes of the screenplay.

Plot: 7

The plot is driven by the pastor's revelation and the conflict between good and evil forces. It keeps the audience engaged and sets up future developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the theme of spiritual awakening and challenges traditional beliefs within a religious setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Kyrel and Elizabeth, are complex and undergo significant development in this scene. Their interactions and internal struggles add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 9

Both Kyrel and Elizabeth undergo significant changes in this scene, revealing new layers to their characters and setting up future developments. Their growth adds depth to the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to warn the congregation about the dangers he perceives in their midst and to express his frustration with the lack of spiritual fervor in the church.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to deliver a powerful message to the congregation and confront the perceived spiritual complacency within the church.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between good and evil, as well as the internal struggles of the characters, creates a tense and suspenseful atmosphere. The stakes are high, adding urgency to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kyrel facing resistance from the congregation and internal struggles as he delivers his message.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters confront spiritual warfare and the threat of evil forces. The safety and well-being of the congregation and the characters are at risk.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters and their internal struggles. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions, advancing the plot effectively.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, the intense emotional reactions of the characters, and the dramatic tension that keeps the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between Kyrel's fervent beliefs and the congregation's perceived spiritual apathy. Kyrel challenges the parishioners to wake up and take action against what he sees as a spiritual threat.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from concern and conflict to empowerment and reflection. The intense moments and character revelations resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and thought-provoking, reflecting the inner turmoil of the characters and the spiritual themes of the scene. It effectively conveys the conflict and emotions at play.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, dramatic tension, and compelling character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, escalating the conflict, and maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a dramatic confrontation within a religious setting, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets up a tense and mysterious atmosphere with Kyrel's struggle against an unseen force and Ruth's ominous presence.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and the parishioners is impactful, highlighting the themes of truth, warning, and the enemy's infiltration.
  • There is a strong visual element in the scene, with Kyrel's physical distress and Ruth's predatory gestures adding to the tension.
  • The scene effectively builds suspense and leaves the audience questioning the true intentions of Ruth and the extent of Kyrel's struggle.
  • The interaction between Kyrel and Elizabeth at the end of the scene adds depth to their relationship and hints at the larger conflict at play.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more clarity to the source of Kyrel's struggle and the nature of the unseen force affecting him.
  • Explore further the dynamic between Kyrel and Ruth, providing more context to Ruth's motivations and her connection to Kyrel.
  • Enhance the visual elements in the scene to heighten the tension and suspense, such as through lighting, sound effects, or camera angles.
  • Develop the dialogue between Kyrel and the parishioners to delve deeper into the themes of truth, warning, and the enemy's infiltration.
  • Continue to build on the relationship between Kyrel and Elizabeth, exploring their conflicting perspectives and the impact of Kyrel's newfound purpose on their dynamic.



Scene 14 -  The Demon Within
INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Crying, Elizabeth brushes her hair as she readies for bed.
Kyrel enters and she tries to read his face.

ELIZABETH
What are you hiding from me, Cy?
35.

KYREL
What if it's for your own good?

ELIZABETH
If you can't tell me, you shouldn't
have done it.

Elizabeth lays her phone on its charger.

KYREL
Would you rather hear something that
could hurt deeply?

ELIZABETH
Though maybe I'd rather be struck by
lighting? Yes.

KYREL
Worse than lightning.

She waves a hand, inviting him to go on.

KYREL
I'm not Cyrus.

ELIZABETH
Cy, I can only take so much.

KYREL
I'm a demon.

ELIZABETH
And I'm your wife. Mrs. Cyrus Howell.

KYREL
Liz, I'm a dark angel. Fallen, like
in the Bible.

Elizabeth sighs.

ELIZABETH
I can cancel my appointments, take
you to the hospital.

KYREL
It wasn't on purpose.

Elizabeth's brows tug down. She doesn't believe a word.

KYREL
After the crash, I reset his ribs.
36.

ELIZABETH
Whose ribs?

KYREL
Cyrus. These. I couldn't pull out my
hands and I still can't get free.

ELIZABETH
This isn't you, Cy. It's--

KYREL
I remember John's birth, us happy,
that your brother's a worm, but I'm
not Cyrus.

Elizabeth moves back an inch, then leans back in.

ELIZABETH
Cyrus Howell. Cyrus, Cyrus, Pastor
Cyrus Howell. Cy, tell me what to do
with you.

Her lips twitch. His forehead dances.

KYREL
Luke 8:30, James 2:19.

ELIZABETH
Which are what?

KYREL
About demons. Evil spirits.

ELIZABETH
Insurance or not--

KYREL
LIZ! Look at me.

She turns away. He holds her arms, forces her to look...
Kyrel winks his eyes green... then "normal."

Elizabeth staggers back, falls sitting to the bed. A
looooonnnnggg time before she rises.

ELIZABETH
Where. Is Cyrus?

KYREL
He could be over my shoulder--
37.

ELIZABETH
MY HUSBAND!

Her hand flies to her mouth, she scurries to the door, listens
for the kids. Plenty of time to gather her thoughts.

ELIZABETH
Show me. Again.

He forces his eyes green a few seconds.

ELIZABETH
My husband... Is he dead?

KYREL
It's hard to tell.

ELIZABETH
(to God)
Father, please protect Cyrus from
this...
(to Kyrel)
You have no right to be here.
(to God)
Let my husband survive. Shield him
from this thing. In Jesus' name.
Amen.
(to Kyrel)
You stay away from my children.

Her face contorts in horror, she spins...

ELIZABETH
And us? In bed?

KYREL
You knew what I was.

ELIZABETH
How would I know?

KYREL
(quoting Elizabeth)
"Pastor, you have the devil in you."

ELIZABETH
I was joking! Why would you do that?
Why would you do that? Why?

Kyrel frowns, confused.
38.

KYREL
I don't need a reason--

ELIZABETH
Oh, Lord, forgive me. I didn't--

KYREL
Your love was great! More than--

ELIZABETH
Oh, sweet Jesus.

Her hand moves to her tummy.

ELIZABETH
I renounce both nights. I cast it
out! In Jesus' name.

KYREL
They reminded me of Heaven.

Elizabeth groans.

KYREL
I need sometimes, not to hurt people
but to make them happy.

ELIZABETH
WHAT?

KYREL
Could you help me?

ELIZABETH
Good grief. "Help you"?

KYREL
Know the difference.

His green slitted eyes appear for her to see. But this time
soft, pleading.

Elizabeth cups her hands over her mouth.

LATER

Lights on, alone, Elizabeth sits on the bed. She presses a
pillow to her mouth to muffle what erupts... And screams,

Shouts,
39.

Shrieks.
Genres: ["Drama","Supernatural","Horror"]

Summary Elizabeth confronts Kyrel in their bedroom, only to discover he is a demon possessing her husband's body. Kyrel struggles with his identity and memories of their past life together, while Elizabeth is horrified and desperate to find a way to rid herself of the demon. The scene is tense and filled with fear, ending with Elizabeth screaming in terror as the conflict remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be confusing or unclear at times

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, with intense emotional moments, a significant revelation, and a strong conflict that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a demon possessing a pastor's body and revealing its true nature to his wife is unique and intriguing, adding depth to the supernatural elements of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the revelation of Kyrel's true identity and the emotional turmoil it causes for Elizabeth, setting up future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to the supernatural genre, blending religious elements with supernatural beings and exploring complex themes of faith, love, and sacrifice. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Kyrel and Elizabeth are well-developed, with complex emotions and conflicting motivations that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Both Kyrel and Elizabeth undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, as Kyrel reveals his true identity and Elizabeth grapples with the shocking truth.

Internal Goal: 8

Elizabeth's internal goal in this scene is to understand and come to terms with the revelation that her husband, Kyrel, is a dark angel. This reflects her deeper need for stability, trust, and security in her relationship, as well as her fear of the unknown and supernatural.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to protect her husband, Cyrus, from the dark angel possessing Kyrel. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a supernatural threat and ensuring the safety of her family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Kyrel and Elizabeth, as well as the internal conflict within Kyrel himself, creates a high level of tension and emotional impact.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elizabeth facing a supernatural threat in the form of Kyrel's dark angel possession. The audience is unsure of how she will overcome this obstacle and protect her family, adding suspense and drama to the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Kyrel's true identity is revealed, putting his relationship with Elizabeth and the safety of her family in jeopardy.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing Kyrel's true identity, setting up future conflicts and character development.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelation that Kyrel is a dark angel, the tension between Elizabeth and Kyrel, and the supernatural elements at play. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will resolve their conflicts.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Elizabeth's Christian beliefs and the presence of demonic forces. This challenges her values, faith, and worldview, as she grapples with the reality of supernatural beings and the implications for her family and faith.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene is highly emotionally impactful, with intense moments of fear, betrayal, and desperation that resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense and emotional, effectively conveying the inner turmoil of the characters and the shocking revelation of Kyrel's true identity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, supernatural elements, and dramatic revelations. The dialogue is gripping, the characters are compelling, and the stakes are high, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually, escalating the emotional stakes, and allowing for moments of reflection and revelation. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the scene moving at a compelling pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and scene directions are clear and concise, enhancing the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events, rising tension, and a dramatic climax. The dialogue and action are well-paced, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene is filled with tension and emotional turmoil, which is effective in conveying the conflict between Kyrel and Elizabeth.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth is intense and reveals the deep-seated issues between them, but at times it feels a bit melodramatic.
  • The revelation of Kyrel being a demon and not Cyrus adds an intriguing twist to the story, but the execution of this reveal could be more subtle and nuanced.
  • The scene transitions from moments of vulnerability and confusion to moments of confrontation and horror, creating a rollercoaster of emotions for the characters and the audience.
  • The use of religious references and quotes adds depth to the scene and enhances the themes of faith and redemption.
Suggestions
  • Consider toning down the melodrama in the dialogue to make the emotional moments feel more authentic and relatable.
  • Find a balance between subtlety and clarity in revealing Kyrel's true identity as a demon to create a more impactful and surprising moment.
  • Explore different ways to convey the tension and conflict between Kyrel and Elizabeth without relying solely on dramatic confrontations.
  • Focus on developing the characters' internal struggles and motivations to add complexity and depth to their interactions.
  • Consider incorporating more visual cues and actions to enhance the emotional intensity of the scene and create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 15 -  Spiritual Tensions
INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Kyrel sits on the sofa, next to a stack of bedding. He ducks
as a faint "spirit hand" hits the back of his head.

Spirit Cyrus -- as awful as Cyrus looked post-accident --
but semi-transparent.

KYREL
You hit me. That's not the 1st time.

SPIRIT CYRUS
You messed with my wife.

KYREL
A woman needs a good--

Spirit Cyrus "hits" Kyrel with a backhand, passes through
his jaw. Kyrel shifts only slightly.

...But he felt something.

CREAK. SOFT FOOTSTEPS. Elizabeth reaches the bottom of the
stairs, moves to within several feet of Kyrel and the bedding.

KYREL
(to Spirit Cyrus)
I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry.

ELIZABETH
Truth is always better.

Spirit Cyrus leans close enough to Elizabeth for her to feel
"his breath" on her face. She touches her cheek at that spot.

ELIZABETH
(to Kyrel)
When's the last time you made a bed?

KYREL
Me?

She motions him to stand aside, which he does. She picks up
the bedding, hugs it tight for a beat.

Kyrel glances for Spirit Cyrus, who's gone. Elizabeth tucks
the sheet into the sofa.
40.

ELIZABETH
What do they call you?

KYREL
Kyrel.

ELIZABETH
I can't unhear what you said.

KYREL
I know.

ELIZABETH
I'm so scared.

Kyrel pulls her close as she breaks into tears. He allows
her to push herself from his grasp.

ELIZABETH
You can't touch me anymore.

Kyrel's brows tug down.

ELIZABETH
I trust God. But this? How do I get
my husband back?

KYREL
What scares us the most, is what we
can't see.

ELIZABETH
What we need the most, is what we
can't see.

She grabs the flat sheet, smoothes the fabric.

ELIZABETH
You can't let him be?

KYREL
How is it you accept what I am?

ELIZABETH
Cyrus read a lot of Kenneth Hagin.

She pushes her hand in the direction of a bookshelf, calms a
tremor in the hand.
41.

ELIZABETH
Did his own study. Demons. Why they're
everywhere, but not angels.

KYREL
People invite us in, by word or deed.
They rarely ask angels. Or it wouldn't
be a fair fight.

Elizabeth tents her hands, mumbles silently to God. She peers
up as if hearing His voice.

ELIZABETH
(to Kyrel)
Don't you dare say anything to the
kids. You want to know what I prayed?

KYREL
I can guess.

ELIZABETH
That Jesus speaks in words loud and
clear, exactly what I need to do.

KYREL
And?

ELIZABETH
He said, "Fear Not."

LATER

Kyrel, under the covers on the sofa, alerts to a WHISPER OF
FABRIC. He leaps up. Ruth, with the same pajamas Elizabeth
wears, passes her sleeve under his nose.

Kyrel inhales the pleasure.

KYREL
They still have her smell.

RUTH
I tried to get Ole Liz to give herself
to you again. She wouldn't bite the
apple.

KYREL
Am I as awful as you?
42.

RUTH
You preached a million times, in the
dark, one woman's as good as another.

Her mouth tilts up moves toward his. His lips spark blue, he
darts his hand between Ruth and his mouths.

In a blink, Elizabeth replaces Ruth, who conforms her body
against Kyrel.

ELIZABETH
If I can't have my husband, I'll
take you, dark heart and all.

Blue sparks crawl from Kyrel's neck. He shoves at "Elizabeth."

KYREL
Get away from me!

Ruth/Elizabeth vanishes.

Amanda, crying, stands slack-jawed across the room.

AMANDA
I'm scared, Daddy.

KYREL
Hon, I didn't mean you.

AMANDA
I heard noises.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Horror","Drama"]

Summary Kyrel is visited by the spirit of Cyrus, who accuses him of messing with his wife. Elizabeth enters the room and interacts with both Kyrel and the spirit of Cyrus. Kyrel and Elizabeth have a heartfelt conversation about fear, trust, and faith. Later, Ruth appears in Elizabeth's form and tries to seduce Kyrel, causing a tense moment.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional moments
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Intriguing supernatural elements
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more concise
  • Occasional pacing issues

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of fantasy, horror, and drama to create a compelling and intense narrative. The emotional depth of the characters and the mysterious nature of the situation keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a demon possessing a human body and the ensuing conflict between the demon and the human's loved ones is intriguing and well-executed. The scene effectively explores themes of identity, faith, and the supernatural.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as Kyrel's true nature is revealed to Elizabeth, leading to a confrontation filled with tension and emotion. The scene sets up a complex conflict that will drive future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on supernatural interactions and explores themes of fear, trust, and unseen forces in a unique way. The dialogue and character actions feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Kyrel and Elizabeth are well-developed, with their conflicting emotions and motivations driving the scene forward. The dynamic between them is central to the tension and drama of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Kyrel and Elizabeth undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, as they confront their fears, doubts, and the supernatural presence within Cyrus. Their interactions lead to personal growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile with Elizabeth and understand her fears and concerns. This reflects his deeper desire for connection and understanding.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to navigate the supernatural occurrences happening in his house and protect his family from harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Kyrel, Elizabeth, and the demon within Cyrus creates a high-stakes situation filled with tension and emotional turmoil. The scene is driven by the internal and external conflicts faced by the characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and emotions driving the interactions between characters and creating uncertainty about the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Elizabeth grapples with the presence of a demon within her husband's body and the threat it poses to her family. The tension and conflict in the scene raise the stakes and create a sense of urgency.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing Kyrel's true nature to Elizabeth and setting up a complex conflict between the characters. It advances the plot while deepening the emotional and thematic elements of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the living and the spirits, as well as the emotional twists and turns that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the presence of spirits and the belief in unseen forces. It challenges Kyrel and Elizabeth's beliefs about the supernatural and their faith in God.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, sadness, and hope as Elizabeth confronts the demon within Cyrus. The intense emotional moments between the characters add depth and complexity to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and conflict between Kyrel and Elizabeth. It captures their fear, confusion, and desperation, adding depth to their characters and the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of supernatural elements, emotional depth, and intense character interactions that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and emotional depth, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journeys.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that enhance the atmosphere and tension.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a supernatural drama, with a clear progression of events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the dynamics between Kyrel, Spirit Cyrus, Elizabeth, and Ruth. The transitions between these characters and their interactions are somewhat confusing.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth feels a bit disjointed and could benefit from more natural flow and emotional depth.
  • The introduction of Ruth and her seductive behavior towards Kyrel feels abrupt and could be better integrated into the scene to enhance the tension and conflict.
  • The visual elements, such as the blue sparks and the disappearance of Ruth/Elizabeth, could be more effectively described to create a stronger impact on the reader.
  • The emotional impact of Amanda's presence and her fear could be further explored to add depth to the scene and highlight Kyrel's internal struggle.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the relationships and motivations of the characters in the scene to make the interactions more coherent and engaging.
  • Refine the dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth to enhance the emotional resonance and authenticity of their conversation.
  • Integrate Ruth's seductive behavior more seamlessly into the scene to build tension and conflict effectively.
  • Enhance the description of visual elements to create a vivid and immersive reading experience for the audience.
  • Further explore Amanda's perspective and emotions to add layers to Kyrel's character and the overall impact of the scene.



Scene 16 -  The Slaughter in the Pen
EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - REAR - NIGHT

Two flashlight beams bounce off a hint of fog. Amanda and
Kyrel search in silence, glance at one another.

EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - BACKYARD PEN - DAY

Amanda screams, buries her face in Kyrel's stomach. He gawks
at a carnage of dead and dying sheep and lambs.

KYREL
Go in the house. Tell your mother.

Amanda clings even tighter.

KYREL
Go, sweetie, now.
43.

When Amanda races to the house, Kyrel steps into the pen.
His face distorts in grief and horror and... empathy.

EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - DAY

Kyrel and Elizabeth watch a Sheriff's car drive away.

ELIZABETH
The woman named Ruth did this?

KYREL
She's not a woman.

ELIZABETH
I need to work with you, if I ever
want to get Cy back.

KYREL
Dark and light, joined at the hip.

ELIZABETH
Light destroys dark. We always win.

Kyrel surveys the dead animals.

KYREL
They may not think so.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Amanda and John eat breakfast. Kyrel eavesdrops as Elizabeth
talks on the phone.
ELIZABETH (ON PHONE)
I'll call you in a few.

She hangs up, frowns in thought.

KYREL
Do your showing. I can get the kids
to their 2nd period class.

ELIZABETH
Good grief.

KYREL
(softly)
You won't owe me anything.

Kyrel peeks across the room to make sure the kids can't hear.
44.

KYREL
If I haven't baked the children in
an oven by now, you can trust me.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Supernatural"]

Summary A horrifying discovery of dead and dying sheep and lambs in Kyrel's backyard throws a shadow over his peaceful home. Kyrel sends Amanda to tell his neighbor, Elizabeth, about the gruesome scene. The Sheriff arrives, investigates, and leaves, leaving a cloud of suspicion hanging over Kyrel. Elizabeth confronts Kyrel, expressing her desire to work together to find her missing son, Cy. They discuss the nature of good and evil, and Kyrel assures Elizabeth he would never harm her children. Despite the tragedy, a glimmer of hope emerges as Kyrel offers to help Elizabeth by taking her children to school, a gesture of goodwill that could be a step towards reconciliation.
Strengths
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Intriguing supernatural elements
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing without prior context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery, setting up a compelling conflict between the characters. The emotional depth and thematic richness add layers to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of demons, angels, and the battle between light and dark is intriguing and well-executed. The introduction of Ruth as a manipulative figure adds a new dimension to the story.

Plot: 7

The plot advances with the revelation of Kyrel's true identity and the escalating conflict with Ruth. The scene sets up important developments for the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the mysterious threat and the philosophical conflict between light and dark. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall sense of unease and suspense.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Kyrel and Elizabeth, are complex and engaging. Their interactions reveal layers of emotion and internal conflict.

Character Changes: 7

Kyrel undergoes a significant revelation about his true nature, leading to internal conflict and a shift in his relationship with Elizabeth. Elizabeth also faces a moment of truth and decision.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect his family and maintain their safety in the face of a mysterious threat. This reflects his deeper need for security and stability.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to uncover the truth behind the mysterious events happening in their community and protect his family from harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Kyrel, Elizabeth, and Ruth is intense and multi-layered, creating a sense of urgency and suspense. The stakes are high for all characters involved.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations driving the characters' actions and decisions. The audience is left unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Kyrel grapples with his identity as a demon, Elizabeth faces a threat from Ruth, and the battle between light and dark intensifies. The characters' fates hang in the balance.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Kyrel, Elizabeth, and Ruth. It sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, as well as the ambiguous motivations of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of light and dark, good and evil. Elizabeth believes in the power of light to overcome darkness, while Kyrel seems to have a more nuanced view of the world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and tension to empathy and hope. The characters' struggles and revelations resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. It drives the scene forward and adds depth to the relationships.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and sense of mystery that keeps the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of action, dialogue, and description that keeps the audience engaged and builds suspense effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and logical progression, with well-defined character motivations and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong visual of two flashlight beams bouncing off fog, creating a mysterious and eerie atmosphere. This sets the tone for the scene effectively.
  • The interaction between Kyrel and Amanda in the backyard pen is emotional and impactful, showing Kyrel's empathy and grief over the dead and dying sheep and lambs. This moment adds depth to Kyrel's character.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth about the situation with Ruth and the dead animals is a bit on the nose, lacking subtlety. It could benefit from more nuanced and layered conversation to add complexity to their relationship.
  • The transition to the kitchen scene feels a bit abrupt and disjointed. It would be helpful to have a smoother transition or a clearer connection between the two scenes.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth in the kitchen is a bit stilted and could be more natural and conversational. Adding more subtext and emotional depth to their conversation would enhance the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and mood of the scene, such as the sounds of the night, the smell of the fog, or the eerie silence in the backyard pen.
  • Focus on developing the emotional dynamics between Kyrel, Amanda, and Elizabeth to create more depth and complexity in their relationships.
  • Work on refining the dialogue to make it more natural, nuanced, and reflective of the characters' emotions and motivations.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between scenes to maintain the flow and coherence of the narrative.
  • Consider adding layers of subtext and tension to the interactions between Kyrel and Elizabeth to create a more engaging and compelling scene.



Scene 17 -  Burden of Grief
EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - BACKYARD PEN - DAY

SERIES OF SHOTS:

1) Kyrel pickaxes ground near the dead sheep. He looks left
and right -- speaks to "air."

KYREL
You're here, aren't you?

2) Kyrel shovels at the 2-foot depth near a finished grave.
His face shifts between pain and determination.

3) He swigs water, scans 4 graves, animals already buried.

KYREL
Cyrus?

4) Kyrel hits something hard on grave number 9, muscles a
basketball size boulder from the hole.

KYREL
Why won't you speak?

5) He shovels soil into the last of a dozen graves.

The SOUND of a CAR.

END SERIES OF SHOTS

EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - BACKYARD PEN - DAY

Elizabeth slogs from her SUV to Kyrel, stares at the graves.

KYREL
The kids were too freaked to go to
school. I have them doing homework.

ELIZABETH
I'm shocked they're not out here.

KYREL
John thinks he's too strong to be
affected but he'll remember. Amanda
will never see people the same again.
Two scores for the devil.
45.

Elizabeth moves in next to Kyrel at the fence.

ELIZABETH
(re: the graves)
You could've used the tractor.

KYREL
I didn't want it to be easy.

ELIZABETH
Cyrus would've said that.

Elizabeth touches his arm. He peers at the spot of contact.

ELIZABETH
Logic screams you're damned but my
heart whispers "don't give up."

KYREL
Half my days I think about doing
wrong, and the other half stopping
myself. Don't give up on what?

Kyrel's eyes flash green.

ELIZABETH
Tell me about Ruth.

KYREL
She let something slip. If Satan
loses even one of us -- One World
under Evil, becomes a cloud waiting
for God's breath to blow it away.

ELIZABETH
Spiritual warfare.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Supernatural"]

Summary Kyrel, consumed by guilt, buries a string of dead sheep in his backyard. The effort is physically taxing, mirroring the emotional weight he carries. He questions his actions and worries for his children's well-being, revealing his struggle to cope with the tragedy. Elizabeth, arriving at the scene, offers support and encourages Kyrel to keep fighting against the encroaching evil. The sight of the graves, coupled with Kyrel's troubled expression, creates a sense of impending doom, yet Elizabeth's presence offers a glimmer of hope.
Strengths
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Intriguing plot developments
  • Tense and suspenseful atmosphere
  • Exploration of deep themes
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing for viewers unfamiliar with supernatural themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with tension, and introduces intriguing plot developments. The dialogue is impactful, and the emotional depth of the characters adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of spiritual warfare, possession, and the struggle between good and evil is well-executed in the scene. It explores complex themes with depth and nuance, keeping the audience intrigued.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene, revealing crucial information about Kyrel's true nature and his connection to Elizabeth. The introduction of Ruth adds a new layer of conflict and mystery to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of spiritual warfare and inner struggles, with authentic character interactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Elizabeth and Kyrel displaying depth and complexity in their interactions. The introduction of Ruth as a manipulative and dangerous character adds tension to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Elizabeth and Kyrel undergo significant emotional and psychological changes in the scene. Elizabeth grapples with trust and faith, while Kyrel confronts his true nature and the consequences of his actions.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal is to come to terms with his inner struggles and doubts, as reflected in his conversation with Elizabeth about doing wrong and stopping himself.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to bury the dead animals and deal with the aftermath of the mysterious deaths.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with tensions running high between Elizabeth, Kyrel, and Ruth. The revelation of buried secrets and the presence of supernatural elements heighten the conflict and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kyrel facing internal and external challenges that add complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with the revelation of buried secrets, the presence of dangerous characters like Ruth, and the battle between good and evil. The characters' lives and relationships are at risk, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing crucial information about the characters and their relationships. It sets up future conflicts and developments, keeping the audience invested in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the supernatural elements and the unresolved mystery surrounding the dead animals.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of spiritual warfare and the battle between good and evil. Kyrel and Elizabeth discuss the implications of losing to evil forces and the importance of not giving up.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and doubt to determination and confusion. The emotional depth of the characters adds resonance to the narrative, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, revealing the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters. It adds depth to the scene and drives the emotional and narrative arcs forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, mysterious atmosphere, and compelling character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, enhancing the emotional impact of the dialogue and actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the emotional and thematic elements of the story.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a series of shots that feel disconnected and disjointed, lacking a clear flow or purpose.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth feels forced and unnatural, with a lack of emotional depth or authenticity in their interaction.
  • The transition from Kyrel speaking to 'air' to Elizabeth arriving feels abrupt and lacks a smooth transition.
  • The dialogue about the children being affected by the situation with the dead sheep comes across as heavy-handed and overly dramatic.
  • The sudden shift to Kyrel's eyes flashing green feels out of place and forced, lacking proper build-up or context within the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to have a clearer narrative arc and flow, with a more natural progression of events.
  • Focus on developing the dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth to be more authentic and emotionally resonant, reflecting their complex relationship and the gravity of the situation.
  • Work on creating smoother transitions between different moments in the scene to maintain coherence and engagement.
  • Avoid heavy-handed dialogue and instead aim for subtlety and nuance in conveying the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Integrate the visual elements, such as Kyrel's eyes flashing green, more organically into the scene to enhance the storytelling and create a more cohesive narrative.



Scene 18 -  A Father's Choice
INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT

BOOM, BOOM, BANG. Kyrel watches through the open door of
John's bedroom, as John plays a computer game, the object of
which is to "kill" demon-like figures.

Kyrel's face seems trampled by a thousand thoughts.

MATCH CUT
46.

INT. KYREL'S RENTAL CAR - DAY

Kyrel's gaze sweeps a 3-story, brick-faced school. John in
the back, Amanda leaps from the front.

AMANDA
Bye, Daddy.

Kyrel stares to where a PARENT waves good-bye. He calls to
Amanda as she smiles back at him.

KYREL
If you don't get caught, cheating's
okay.

AMANDA
Ding-dong.

Amanda rushes off.

Spirit Cyrus' ghostly hand slaps Kyrel in the head. Kyrel's
annoyed eyes flick to the rear view mirror. Spirit Cyrus
hovers on the back seat.

Next to Cyrus, John lights up at LINDA ANNE, 12, who's with
some FRIENDS outside. John pulls on the door handle.

KYREL
I'll drive you to the gym.

JOHN
I wanna tell Linda Anne about the
sheep. It's like zombies attacked.

John launches out and falls in step with Linda Anne. Kyrel
watches John fast-talk the girl; Linda Anne snaps a photo of
him with her cell. When John gestures toward the car, she
shoots a photo of Kyrel.

Spirit Cyrus leans forward.

SPIRIT CYRUS
I rarely drove them to school.

KYREL
I was that voice in your ear, "Let
Liz do it."

Cyrus winces in realization.
47.

SPIRIT CYRUS
I thought that was me thinking it.

KYREL
Surprise.

Kyrel drives 20 feet, stops in traffic.

SPIRIT CYRUS
I see what you want to do with Liz.

KYREL
You want me to hold back? You bail,
instead of...

Kyrel twists toward the rear seat -- it's empty. He checks
in the mirror -- no Spirit Cyrus in sight.

KYREL
...leave me to love her.
Genres: ["Drama","Supernatural","Thriller"]

Summary Kyrel, haunted by his connection to Liz, watches John play a violent video game. The next day, he drives John and Amanda to school, a decision that draws the attention of Spirit Cyrus. Cyrus, seeking control of Liz, questions Kyrel's motives. Kyrel explains his desire to protect Liz from Cyrus' influence, but the conflict remains unresolved as Cyrus disappears, leaving Kyrel to grapple with the consequences of his choice.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Mysterious tone
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing without prior context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and emotion through the interactions between characters and the revelation of Kyrel's true identity. It keeps the audience engaged with its mysterious and suspenseful tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a demon struggling with human emotions and relationships is intriguing and well-executed. The supernatural elements add depth to the story and create a unique dynamic between the characters.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the revelation of Kyrel's true nature and his interactions with Elizabeth and Spirit Cyrus. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions while maintaining a sense of mystery.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to family dynamics and supernatural elements, blending them in a unique way that adds depth to the characters and their relationships. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Kyrel and Elizabeth, are complex and well-developed. Their emotional struggles and conflicting desires drive the scene forward and create depth in their interactions.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes a significant change in the scene, as he grapples with his identity and desires. His interactions with Elizabeth and Spirit Cyrus challenge his beliefs and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his past decisions and emotions regarding his family, particularly his relationship with Liz and his children. He grapples with feelings of guilt, regret, and a desire for redemption.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges of parenting and family dynamics, including supporting his children and dealing with the presence of Spirit Cyrus. He also tries to connect with his daughter Amanda and navigate John's interactions with Linda Anne.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Kyrel's demonic nature and his desire for redemption, as well as the external threats from Ruth and Spirit Cyrus, create a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kyrel facing internal conflicts, family dynamics, and the influence of Spirit Cyrus, creating obstacles and challenges that drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Kyrel faces internal and external threats that could jeopardize his relationships and his quest for redemption. The tension and suspense are heightened by the characters' conflicting desires and motivations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about Kyrel's true nature and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It deepens the relationships between the characters and advances the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected presence of Spirit Cyrus and the complex interactions between the characters, adding layers of tension and mystery to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of responsibility and love. Kyrel struggles with balancing his desire to protect his family and his own personal desires, as well as the influence of Spirit Cyrus on his decisions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of the scene is significant, as it delves into themes of love, trust, and forgiveness. The characters' internal struggles and conflicting emotions resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters. It effectively conveys the tension and emotion of the scene while moving the story forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, tension, and supernatural elements that keep the audience invested in Kyrel's internal struggles and family dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and introspection with character interactions and supernatural elements, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that are easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a jarring transition from Kyrel watching his son play a violent video game to driving his children to school, creating a disjointed flow.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Spirit Cyrus feels forced and lacks subtlety, with the exposition about Kyrel's influence on Cyrus coming across as heavy-handed.
  • The interaction between Kyrel and John about cheating and the reference to zombies attacking the sheep feels out of place and disconnected from the overall tone of the scene.
  • The revelation of Kyrel being the voice in Cyrus' ear and the subsequent realization by Spirit Cyrus could be more impactful with a more nuanced delivery.
  • The sudden disappearance of Spirit Cyrus without a clear resolution leaves the scene feeling incomplete and lacking closure.
Suggestions
  • Consider a smoother transition between the different moments in the scene to improve the overall coherence.
  • Refine the dialogue between Kyrel and Spirit Cyrus to make the exposition more organic and integrated into the conversation.
  • Ensure that the interactions between characters and the dialogue align with the tone and themes of the overall story.
  • Explore a more nuanced approach to revealing Kyrel's influence on Cyrus and the dynamics between them for a more impactful and engaging scene.
  • Provide a clearer resolution or follow-up to the disappearance of Spirit Cyrus to give the scene a sense of completion and closure.



Scene 19 -  Haunted Past, Menacing Present
INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Kyrel on the sofa, under the blanket, stares at the ceiling.
Amanda trots down the stairs in her butterfly robe.

AMANDA
Why do you sleep down here, Daddy?
Are John and me too loud?

KYREL
Sometimes Mommy and I are too noisy
to listen to each other. It's not
your fault, honey.

Amanda plops next to Kyrel.

AMANDA
Does someone want to kill us, too?

Kyrel's lip trembles as he searches for a reply.

KYREL
To be safe, Mom may send you to your
Uncle Ben.

AMANDA
Uncle Ben makes me feel funny. I
don't mean disrespect, but he's a
creep.
48.

A quick laugh bursts from Kyrel.

KYREL
I wouldn't let you be hurt for all
the sulfur in.... Heaven.

Kyrel winces, waits to see if Amanda caught his slip.

AMANDA
You're not the same, Daddy. Not since
you came home.

Kyrel touches the butterfly print on her sleeve.

EXT. SOUTH CAROLINA BOTANICAL GARDENS - DAY

Kyrel, sitting on a bench, watches a yellow butterfly snack
pollen. He spots a WOMAN, 30s, raise her phone and snap a
photo in Kyrel's direction.

ARTHEL, "Jesus" tattooed on his face, stalks past her, slides
in at the other end of Kyrel's bench, bares his teeth.

ARTHEL
What the hell are you doing?

KYREL
I didn't think angels were supposed
to use words like h-e-double L.

ARTHEL
Arthel, Messenger of Valor. I know
about you.

KYREL
Yeah? What do you know?

ARTHEL
You whisper poison; people don't
know it's you.

Kyrel frowns, sees Woman with her phone snap another shot.

ARTHEL
You killed a monk's faith and and he
threw himself off a cliff.

KYREL
A don't remember a monk.
49.

Arthel gestures up.

ARTHEL
He won't let me destroy you. Yet.
Though it sure is tempting.

KYREL
Careful: it's a long fall from grace.

The Woman strolls their way -- changes mode on her cell phone.
Kyrel's gaze slides: Woman - Arthel - Woman.

ARTHEL
You got no right to be in the pastor.

Focused Woman, soft-spoken but persistent, reaches the bench,
records video on her cell.

FOCUSED WOMAN / MARY
Excuse me. Pastor Cyrus, I'm Mary
Landry with the Clemson Bee.

KYREL
Who?

MARY
A middle-school girl, Linda Anne,
was suspended--

KYREL
Get that thing out of my face.

MARY
She tried to publish a hate story
aimed at you.

Arthel launches from the bench, bullies her back.

ARTHEL (V.O.)
Private talk, lady.

Kyrel grabs Arthel's shoulder, spins him.

KYREL
Leave her alone.

Mary backs away, cell phone still recording.
50.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Supernatural"]

Summary A troubled father, Kyrel, tries to comfort his frightened daughter, Amanda, while struggling with a mysterious past. His unsettling behavior raises concerns about his connection to dangerous forces. At a South Carolina botanical garden, Kyrel faces a menacing figure, Arthel, who accuses him of manipulating faith and causing harm. A reporter, Mary Landry, arrives to investigate a hate story about Kyrel, bringing a new layer of intrigue to the scene. Arthel tries to intimidate Mary, but Kyrel steps in to defend her, highlighting the conflict between good and evil and leaving the audience with lingering questions about the true nature of their encounter.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Emotionally charged dialogue
  • Supernatural elements
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing without prior context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery, delving into the characters' emotional struggles and introducing supernatural elements. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a demon inhabiting a pastor's body, the presence of angels and supernatural beings, and the investigation by a journalist add depth and intrigue to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the interactions between characters, the revelation of secrets, and the introduction of new conflicts. The scene sets up future developments and raises questions about the characters' true natures.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the presence of a mysterious character with a 'Jesus' tattoo and the use of modern technology like cell phones to drive the plot forward. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and multifaceted, with hidden motivations and conflicting emotions. Their interactions reveal layers of depth and set the stage for character growth.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo emotional shifts and revelations, particularly Kyrel, who grapples with his true identity and the consequences of his actions. Elizabeth also experiences a shift in her perception of Kyrel.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to protect his daughter Amanda and reassure her in the face of potential danger. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security for his family, as well as his fear of losing them.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal in this scene is to handle the situation with the Woman and Arthel at the botanical gardens, while also dealing with the potential threat to his reputation and safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, including the characters' inner turmoil, supernatural threats, and the tension between characters. The stakes are high, adding to the suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the conflict between the characters and adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing supernatural threats, emotional turmoil, and the potential loss of loved ones. The conflicts and revelations have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future plot developments. It raises questions and keeps the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the dialogue and character interactions, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Kyrel's past actions and the consequences he faces now, as well as the moral dilemma of protecting his family at all costs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' vulnerabilities, fears, and revelations. The intense interactions and supernatural elements heighten the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, revealing the characters' fears, desires, and conflicts. It drives the emotional intensity of the scene and establishes the relationships between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension and emotional depth present in the interactions between the characters, as well as the sense of mystery and danger that drives the plot forward.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a strong emotional moment between Kyrel and his daughter Amanda, but the transition to the botanical garden feels a bit abrupt and disjointed.
  • The introduction of Arthel and the Woman adds intrigue, but the dialogue between Kyrel and Arthel could be more dynamic and engaging.
  • The interaction with Mary Landry feels forced and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to fully engage with the conflict she introduces.
  • The tension between Kyrel, Arthel, and Mary could be heightened with more nuanced dialogue and character development.
  • The scene ends abruptly, leaving the audience hanging without a clear resolution or sense of closure.
Suggestions
  • Consider smoothing out the transition between the emotional moment with Amanda and the encounter at the botanical garden to create a more cohesive flow.
  • Develop the dialogue between Kyrel and Arthel to add depth to their interaction and increase the tension in the scene.
  • Enhance the conflict introduced by Mary Landry by delving deeper into her character and motivations, creating a more compelling dynamic.
  • Work on building up the tension and stakes in the scene to create a more engaging and impactful conclusion.
  • Consider adding more layers to the characters and their interactions to create a richer and more immersive scene.



Scene 20 -  Whispers in the Dark
INT. CLEMSON BEE - NIGHT

A double-store wide on a commercial street. Her phone USB'd
to a computer, Mary plays her video of Kyrel and Arthel.

ARTHEL (V.O.)
...no right to be in the pastor.

Arthel's eyes flash like flaming torches. Mary freezes the
video, leans closer. The eyes pixilated beyond recognition.

She replays it: clear audio, trashed video of Arthel's face.

ARTHEL (V.O.)
...no right to be in the pastor.

The image focuses on Kyrel.

MARY (V.O.)
Excuse me. Pastor Cyrus, I'm Mary
Landry with the Clemson Bee.

KYREL (V.O.)
Who?

MARY (V.O.)
A middle-school girl, Linda Anne,
was suspended--

KYREL (V.O.)
Get that thing out of my face.

MARY (V.O.)
She tried to publish a hate story
aimed at you.

ARTHEL (V.O.)
Private talk, lady.

Arthel crowds out the picture, which jerks up.

KYREL (V.O.)
Leave her alone.

The image jerks back to Kyrel and Arthel, mano a mano.

FREEZE FRAME. Mary enlarges the image on Kyrel's GREEN EYES.

MARY
Sweet Jesus.
51.

The eyes only, pixilate and scramble.

Mary's mouth drops open.

INT. INGLES FOOD MARKET - DAY

Elizabeth hides a purchased pregnancy test in a bag, rolls
her grocery cart from the check stand. Amanda calls out.

AMANDA
Mom?

Amanda gestures to a wire rack holding the Clemson Bee. The
2nd story above the fold reads:

"SCHOOL SUSPENSION CONNECTS TO DEVIL WORSHIP"... and the
pixilated photo of Kyrel.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - HOME OFFICE - DAY

A photo of Cyrus and Elizabeth in a frame. Biblical references
and Real Estate manuals. Kyrel at the computer, Bible open.
Elizabeth drops the "School Suspension" paper on the keyboard.

ELIZABETH
"Local pastor named." John's friend,
Linda Anne, wrote lies--

KYREL
We train children that way.

ELIZABETH
Do you lie to Satan?
KYREL
He expects it.

Elizabeth scoffs.

ELIZABETH
I'm glad we're sending the kids to
Ben -- they'll be safe there.

KYREL
Is your brother a jerk?

ELIZABETH
He's my brother.
(re: the news photo)
Why'd they print a scrambled picture?
52.

KYREL
There's an assignment from The Pit
to get me back. That reporter had a
demon.

ELIZABETH
You could tell?

KYREL
I should have called that evil monkey
right out of her.

ELIZABETH
You can see them?

Kyrel nods.

ELIZABETH
Do you have a soul?

Kyrel gives a deep sigh.

KYREL
I think it rolled under the bed, and
it's too dark to find. I saw Cyrus'
checkbook and thought how easy it'd
be... Even now, I imagine: we could
go to Tahiti, and spend a week.

Elizabeth's face reddens.

KYREL
I saw this hot woman at the store.
Ripe for picking. All I could think
of was you.

Elizabeth turns and hurries out.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary A reporter, Mary, tries to interview a pastor, Kyrel, who is accused of devil worship. He refuses the interview and shuts down the feed, leaving Mary intrigued by his green eyes. Meanwhile, Kyrel's wife, Elizabeth, discovers a news article about a school suspension linked to the accusations and worries about the impact on their family. She discusses moving their children to a new school, highlighting her growing concern about Kyrel's beliefs and the situation's dark undertones.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Intriguing plot twists
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be slightly repetitive or on-the-nose

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging, filled with tension, emotional depth, and intriguing developments that keep the audience hooked.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of demons, possession, and supernatural forces intertwined with personal relationships and moral dilemmas is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot thickens with revelations about Kyrel's true nature, Elizabeth's suspicions, and the introduction of new conflicts and mysteries.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and original elements, such as the supernatural themes of demons and devil worship, while also exploring complex moral and philosophical questions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex, with hidden depths and conflicting motivations that drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

Both Kyrel and Elizabeth undergo significant emotional and psychological changes as they confront their fears, doubts, and the supernatural forces at play.

Internal Goal: 8

Mary's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth behind the school suspension and the connection to devil worship. This reflects her desire for justice and her determination to expose wrongdoing.

External Goal: 7

Mary's external goal is to confront Kyrel and Arthel about the hate story and get their side of the story. This reflects her immediate challenge of navigating a tense situation and getting to the truth.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts that heighten the tension and drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing moral dilemmas, hidden truths, and supernatural threats. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate these challenges and what the consequences will be.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters grapple with supernatural forces, personal secrets, and the threat of danger lurking around them.

Story Forward: 8

The scene advances the plot significantly, introducing new conflicts, revelations, and mysteries that propel the story forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflicts will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of truth, lies, and morality. Kyrel's belief in lying to Satan and seeing demons challenges Elizabeth's more traditional beliefs about honesty and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, especially fear, anxiety, and uncertainty, as the characters navigate a web of secrets and supernatural elements.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and revealing, adding layers to the characters and their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotions, moral dilemmas, and supernatural elements. The conflicts and mysteries keep the audience invested in the story and eager to uncover the truth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic moment of revelation. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and conflicts. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Mary playing a video of Kyrel and Arthel to Elizabeth hiding a pregnancy test, which may confuse the audience and disrupt the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth feels a bit disjointed and lacks a natural flow, making it challenging for the audience to fully engage with the characters' emotions and motivations.
  • The sudden shift in tone from discussing a hate story to Kyrel's soul and potential romantic interest in another woman feels jarring and disconnected, detracting from the overall coherence of the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or climax, leaving the audience with unanswered questions and a sense of incompleteness in terms of character development and plot progression.
  • The visual elements, such as the pixilated image of Kyrel's green eyes and the newspaper headline, could be more effectively integrated into the scene to enhance the storytelling and create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider smoothing out the transitions between different storylines and character interactions to create a more cohesive and engaging narrative flow.
  • Focus on developing more organic and realistic dialogue that reflects the characters' personalities and motivations, enhancing the audience's connection to the story.
  • Ensure that the thematic shifts in the scene are well-paced and effectively integrated to maintain the audience's engagement and emotional investment in the characters.
  • Work on building towards a clear resolution or climax in the scene to provide a satisfying payoff for the audience and advance the overall plot of the screenplay.
  • Explore ways to visually enhance the scene through strategic use of imagery and symbolism to deepen the audience's understanding of the characters and their journey.



Scene 21 -  Demonic Possession and a Tense Departure
INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - MASTER BATH - NIGHT

Elizabeth studies the mysterious pregnancy totem:

"PREGNANT."

EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - DAY

Elizabeth settles John and Amanda into a dark SUV. Twenty
feet away, her brother, BEN, 40s, banters with Kyrel. There's
an undercurrent to Ben that a mother shouldn't trust.
53.

BEN
You guys gonna split?

KYREL
It's not like that, Ben.

BEN
You got something on the side? Liz
isn't getting any younger.

Kyrel shifts his attention to Ben's neck, where blue energy-
filled worms wiggle.

KYREL
Who are you?

Ben's chin juts forward. A DEMON VOICE rasps out of him.

BEN'S DEMON VOICE
Lack of Guilt.

KYREL
Lack of Guilt, you will release Ben
from his urges.

BEN'S DEMON VOICE
I don't bow to--

KYREL
You will obey. In Jesus's name. Leave!

Ben blinks, as if a fog lifts -- the worms disappear. Kyrel
seems mildly surprised.

BEN
What are you talking about?

KYREL
If you touch the kids, I'll do things
to you, you can't imagine.

BEN
Cy, I--

KYREL
No games, no smelling of hair, sharing
toothbrushes. Anything Mandy or John
don't do here -- or you'll pray for
God's vengeance in place of mine.
54.

Ben waves a surrender and flees to where Elizabeth loads
Amanda in the front passenger seat.

BEN
(to Elizabeth)
Put Mandy in the back.

ELIZABETH
Why?

BEN
Sis, do what I say. I'm not kidding.

Elizabeth says something to Amanda, who slides in back next
to John.

Kyrel watches, runs his fingers through his hair.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Supernatural"]

Summary As Elizabeth prepares to leave with John and Amanda, Kyrel confronts Ben about the demonic presence controlling him. Kyrel uses his powers to banish the demon, warning Ben against harming the children. Despite initial resistance, Ben complies, urging Elizabeth to put Amanda in the back seat. The scene ends with Ben fleeing towards Elizabeth, leaving the threat unresolved and the tension high.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
  • High stakes and conflict
Weaknesses
  • Possible confusion with the supernatural elements
  • Some dialogue may be too confrontational

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends drama, tension, and supernatural elements to create a compelling and intense confrontation. The dialogue is strong, and the stakes are high, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family tensions, demonic possession, and protection is well-executed in this scene. It adds depth to the characters and advances the plot effectively.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, revealing more about the characters' relationships and the supernatural elements at play. The tension and conflict drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique supernatural elements like possession and exorcism, adding a fresh twist to the family drama genre. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Kyrel showing a protective and confrontational side, while Ben's possession adds an extra layer of complexity. Elizabeth's concern for her children adds emotional depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Kyrel shows a protective and confrontational side, while Elizabeth's concern for her children deepens. Ben's possession adds complexity to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect her children from potential harm, as evidenced by her interactions with her brother and Kyrel. This reflects her deeper need for safety and security for her family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to confront the demon possessing her brother and ensure the safety of her children. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with supernatural threats.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between Kyrel, Ben, and Elizabeth. The confrontation with the demon adds an extra layer of danger and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with the demon possessing Ben creating a significant obstacle for the protagonist. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the safety of the children at risk and the confrontation with the demon adding a sense of danger and urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters, their relationships, and the supernatural elements at play. The high stakes and tension propel the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden appearance of the demon possessing Ben and Kyrel's unexpected exorcism attempt. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will resolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between good and evil, as represented by the demon possessing Ben and Kyrel's attempts to exorcise it. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in protecting her family from malevolent forces.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and protection, creating an emotional impact on the audience. The characters' emotions are palpable, adding depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense, confrontational, and emotionally charged, adding depth to the characters and driving the conflict forward. It effectively conveys the fear and confusion present in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, supernatural elements, and high stakes. The conflict and tension keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and escalating tension. It fits the expected format for a supernatural family drama genre.


Critique
  • The scene opens with Elizabeth studying a mysterious pregnancy totem, which sets up intrigue and mystery, but the significance of this totem is not fully explored or explained in the scene.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Ben is tense and reveals a dark undercurrent in Ben's character, but the transition to the demonic possession feels abrupt and could be better integrated into the conversation.
  • The introduction of Ben's demon voice and the subsequent exorcism by Kyrel is a compelling twist, but the execution of this supernatural element could be more impactful with stronger visual cues and descriptions.
  • The interaction between Kyrel and Ben lacks clarity in terms of the stakes and consequences of the demonic possession, leaving the reader wanting more context and depth to the conflict.
  • The scene ends with a sense of tension and foreboding, but the resolution of Ben's possession feels rushed and could benefit from a more gradual buildup and payoff.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context and explanation for the mysterious pregnancy totem to enhance the overall narrative and create a stronger connection to the characters.
  • Integrate the demonic possession element more seamlessly into the dialogue between Kyrel and Ben to ensure a smoother transition and build suspense effectively.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the demonic possession and exorcism to create a more vivid and immersive reading experience for the audience.
  • Clarify the stakes and consequences of the demonic possession to heighten the tension and emotional impact of the scene.
  • Consider pacing the resolution of Ben's possession more effectively to allow for a more satisfying and impactful conclusion to the conflict.



Scene 22 -  The Burden of Truth
INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Kyrel's gaze trails over Elizabeth's hips and torso as she
readies dinner. She spins from the stove to him.

ELIZABETH
Only my husband can look at me like
that.

KYREL
The devil makes me do it.

Elizabeth glares at Kyrel and he breaks eye contact.

ELIZABETH
What did you say to my brother?

KYREL
(shrug)
I expect the children to be safer
with him than with us.

ELIZABETH
You saw something in him.

KYREL
In your husband too. Cyrus had doubts
that I gave him.

Elizabeth turns from preparation, stares at Kyrel.
55.

KYREL
I knew where he was driving, and
wanted to lay something on him to
worry about before he got to his
gospel conference.

She CLUNKS the vegetable bowls onto the table, meets Kyrel's
eyes in question.

KYREL
I messed with Cyrus's head dozens of
times. The miracle is he never prayed
me to leave. But I didn't cause the
accident. I don't know who did.

Elizabeth sinks to her chair, shrugs an "I wanted to know."

KYREL
If you could kill me to get your
husband back, would you?

ELIZABETH
Kill you in my husband's body?

KYREL
Even if.

ELIZABETH
Murder is wrong.

Elizabeth serves Kyrel a pork chop.

KYREL
What will you do about the baby?

ELIZABETH
How did you know?

KYREL
When we... made love.

ELIZABETH
I knew the next morning.

KYREL
Is that normal?

ELIZABETH
It's impossible.

She grasps Kyrel's hand.
56.

ELIZABETH
Heavenly Father, thank you for this
meal. Thank you for the child in my
belly. For my guest at dinner tonight,
however You brought him to me.

Kyrel watches her closely.

ELIZABETH
Please accept him back into Heaven,
and return my husband to me. In Jesus'
name. Amen.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Kyrel and Elizabeth share a tense dinner, where Kyrel admits to manipulating Elizabeth's husband, Cyrus, but denies responsibility for his death. Elizabeth reveals she is pregnant, adding another layer of complexity to their already strained relationship. She prays for Cyrus's return and for Kyrel's acceptance into Heaven, highlighting her internal conflict between grief, guilt, and a flicker of hope for the future.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional conflict between characters
  • Revealing dialogue that advances the plot and develops characters
  • Intriguing supernatural elements that add depth to the story
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic and bordering on cliché

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is gripping and emotionally charged, with strong character dynamics and a sense of foreboding. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters' motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a demon possessing a man and the resulting conflict with his wife is intriguing and adds depth to the story. The scene effectively explores themes of trust, manipulation, and supernatural elements.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Kyrel and Elizabeth's relationship is further complicated by the revelation of Kyrel's true nature. The scene sets up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique moral dilemmas and complex character dynamics, offering a fresh perspective on themes of guilt, responsibility, and redemption. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Kyrel and Elizabeth are well-developed and their emotional struggles are palpable. The scene delves into their inner conflicts and motivations, adding layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Both Kyrel and Elizabeth undergo significant emotional changes in the scene. Kyrel reveals his true nature and struggles with his past actions, while Elizabeth grapples with the revelation and its implications for their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the guilt and uncertainty surrounding his actions towards Elizabeth's husband and the consequences that have arisen. He grapples with his own moral compass and the impact of his choices on those around him.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to understand the truth behind the accident that occurred and to navigate the repercussions of his involvement in the situation. He seeks to protect Elizabeth and her family while also grappling with his own guilt and uncertainty.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Kyrel and Elizabeth, as well as the supernatural elements at play, create a high level of tension in the scene. The emotional stakes are raised as the characters confront their inner demons.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting moral values and emotional stakes driving the characters' interactions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Kyrel and Elizabeth confront the truth about Kyrel's possession and its impact on their relationship. The emotional and supernatural elements raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing important information about Kyrel and Elizabeth's relationship, as well as setting up future conflicts and developments. The plot advances as the characters confront their inner demons.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the moral dilemmas they face. The audience is kept on edge as they navigate the complex emotional and ethical conflicts.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the moral implications of Kyrel's actions and the consequences of his choices. Elizabeth's strong moral compass challenges Kyrel's own beliefs and forces him to confront the ethical dilemmas he faces.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene is emotionally impactful, with the characters' inner struggles and conflicting emotions laid bare. The tension between Kyrel and Elizabeth evokes a strong emotional response from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and reveals important information about the characters' past and present struggles. It effectively conveys the emotional tension between Kyrel and Elizabeth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue exchanges, moral dilemmas, and emotional depth. The complex character dynamics and ambiguous conflicts draw the audience in and create a sense of suspense and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of reflection and emotional depth. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions contributes to the scene's overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals character motivations. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the scene's overall effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a focus on Kyrel's gaze trailing over Elizabeth's body, which can come across as objectifying and inappropriate, especially considering their relationship as husband and wife.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth lacks subtlety and nuance, with Kyrel bluntly stating that the devil makes him look at Elizabeth in a certain way. This directness can diminish the tension and intrigue in their interaction.
  • The revelation that Kyrel manipulated Cyrus and caused doubts in him feels rushed and could benefit from more build-up and exploration to make it more impactful.
  • The conversation about the baby and Elizabeth's prayer feels somewhat forced and abrupt, lacking a natural flow in the dialogue.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat abrupt note, with Elizabeth's prayer feeling slightly disconnected from the rest of the conversation, leaving the reader wanting more clarity and depth in the interaction between Kyrel and Elizabeth.
Suggestions
  • Consider toning down the focus on Kyrel's gaze and physical attraction towards Elizabeth to avoid objectification and maintain a more respectful tone in their interaction.
  • Add more subtlety and subtext to the dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth, allowing for more layers and complexity in their conversation.
  • Provide more context and development around Kyrel's manipulation of Cyrus to enhance the impact of this revelation and deepen the conflict between the characters.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between the different topics of conversation, such as the manipulation of Cyrus and the discussion about the baby, to ensure a more cohesive and natural flow in the scene.
  • Consider revisiting the ending of the scene to ensure that Elizabeth's prayer feels more integrated into the overall conversation and provides a stronger emotional resolution to the interaction between Kyrel and Elizabeth.



Scene 23 -  Haunted by Doubt and Divine Retribution
EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - PORCH - NIGHT

Rocking thoughtfully in the glider, Kyrel startles as Spirit
Cyrus stands near, significantly healed, hair streaked with
shocking white.

SPIRIT CYRUS
You did good with the kids. Thank
you.

KYREL
How do I know this is even you? Cyrus,
and not the devil?

Spirit Cyrus smiles.

SPIRIT CYRUS
For years you stuck that doubt in my
head: God's voice? My voice? The
devil's? Hard to tell whose I heard.

KYREL
My favorite pitchfork. I'm sorry.

Both take a moment to think on that.

KYREL
Why do you keep showing up?

SPIRIT CYRUS
I can't leave Liz. I can't bail on
God.

KYREL
Yet I'm still here, and you're not.

Spirit Cyrus blinks.
57.

SPIRIT CYRUS
If you touch her again, I'll pray
Jesus you wind up back in hell.

Spirit Cyrus pixilates and disappears. A sparkle of blue
electricity runs through Kyrel.

KYREL
Liz might be worth it.

EXT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST / INT. ELIZABETH'S SUV - DAY

Elizabeth, driving Kyrel, frowns at something ahead.

ELIZABETH
Good grief, what now?

Outside, crowds of PICKETERS block the approach to the church.
A SHERIFF'S DEPUTY raises a hand in "halt." Elizabeth lowers
the window.

SHERIFF'S DEPUTY
Miss Liz, Mister Cyrus. Glad to see
y'all back.

ELIZABETH
What is this?

SHERIFF'S DEPUTY
Folks riled over the Clemson Bee
article. Pro-Pastor Cyrus, pro-devil.

ELIZABETH
Pro-devil? In Clemson?

SHERIFF'S DEPUTY
I'd go around back if I was you.

The Deputy leans closer.

SHERIFF'S DEPUTY
What the paper says can't be true.

KYREL
What do people say?

SHERIFF'S DEPUTY
(shrug)
I know you're a good man.
58.

A MAN with a "Satan is Lord" sign hustles this way, a nearly
transparent German-Shepherd size demon rides his back.

KYREL
What about them? Are they good?

A WOMAN with "Christ is King" blocks the man's passage.
Someone in the crowd throws a rock which hits the SUV.

SHERIFF'S DEPUTY
Best y'all go on, now.

Elizabeth detours to the back of the church.
Genres: ["Drama","Supernatural","Mystery"]

Summary Kyrel grapples with his strained relationship with Spirit Cyrus, who appears healed but haunted by guilt and a sense of duty to God. Cyrus warns Kyrel against harming Elizabeth, threatening divine retribution. Meanwhile, Elizabeth and Kyrel encounter a hostile crowd protesting against Pastor Cyrus, accused of being a devil worshiper. The Sheriff's Deputy advises them to avoid the crowd and use the back entrance of the church.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Intriguing supernatural elements
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Revealing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more concise
  • Pacing may be slow in parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension, reveals crucial information about the characters, and sets up further conflicts. The emotional depth and supernatural elements add layers to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a demon inhabiting a man's body, the presence of spirits, and the conflict between faith and doubt are intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot advances with revelations about the characters' pasts, their current struggles, and the escalating conflicts. The scene sets up future developments effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh takes on themes of faith, doubt, and loyalty, while also incorporating supernatural elements in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show depth, inner conflicts, and emotional vulnerability. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add to the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional and psychological changes, especially in their perceptions of each other and themselves. These changes drive the narrative and deepen the character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile with Spirit Cyrus and understand his true intentions. This reflects Kyrel's need for closure and his desire to make sense of the supernatural events happening around him.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to navigate the tense situation with the picketers and ensure Elizabeth's safety. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, including trust issues, supernatural threats, and emotional struggles. The conflicts drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, values, and motivations driving the characters' actions and interactions. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will resolve.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high, involving the characters' safety, relationships, and beliefs. The supernatural threats and emotional conflicts raise the tension and importance of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by revealing crucial information, escalating conflicts, and setting up future developments. It propels the narrative towards resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected appearance of Spirit Cyrus, the tension with the picketers, and the mysterious elements that keep the audience guessing about the characters' true intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of faith, doubt, and loyalty. Kyrel questions Spirit Cyrus's true identity and intentions, while also grappling with his own beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, including fear, confusion, hope, and doubt. The characters' vulnerabilities and the supernatural elements enhance the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is engaging, revealing character motivations, emotions, and conflicts. It effectively conveys the tension and emotional depth of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of mystery, tension, and character development. The dialogue and interactions between characters keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and introspection with action and dialogue, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that aid in readability and comprehension.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character interactions, dialogue, and setting descriptions that enhance the overall atmosphere and tension.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a strong emotional moment between Kyrel and Spirit Cyrus, but the dialogue could be more impactful and revealing of their relationship dynamics.
  • There is a lack of clarity in the conversation between Kyrel and Spirit Cyrus, making it difficult for the audience to fully understand the significance of their interaction.
  • The transition from the porch scene to the car scene feels a bit abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative.
  • The introduction of the picketers and the Sheriff's Deputy adds an interesting element to the scene, but the dialogue could be more engaging and reflective of the tension in the situation.
  • The conflict surrounding the accusations against Pastor Cyrus could be further emphasized to create a more intense and gripping atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the dialogue between Kyrel and Spirit Cyrus to delve deeper into their complex relationship and provide more insight into their characters.
  • Clarify the purpose and outcome of the conversation between Kyrel and Spirit Cyrus to ensure the audience understands the significance of their interaction.
  • Consider a smoother transition between the porch scene and the car scene to maintain the narrative flow and coherence.
  • Develop the dialogue between Elizabeth, Kyrel, and the Sheriff's Deputy to heighten the tension and drama of the situation with the picketers.
  • Amplify the conflict surrounding the accusations against Pastor Cyrus to increase the stakes and create a more compelling storyline.



Scene 24 -  The Devil's Mark
EXT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - REAR - DAY

Elizabeth pulls her SUV into the spot marked, "Pastor." She
and Kyrel scurry to the back door.

ELIZABETH
I'll tell Luke you're here.

INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - PASTOR'S OFFICE - DAY

Kyrel studies an art print, among the gasoline signs, of
David holding the head of Goliath. John's friend, Linda Anne,
in tears, steps from shadows.

LINDA ANNE
My parents are screaming at each
other over what I did.

KYREL
You're Linda Anne -- the school paper.

LINDA ANNE
John made a crack about devils, I
thought it'd be cool. I fibbed about
you. Pastor, I'm so sorry.

She throws herself into Kyrel's arms, bawls like a baby.
Kyrel, discomforted by the embrace, holds his hands away.

LINDA ANNE
I can't go on like this.

Kyrel notices a blue aura of tiny devil babies around her
head. They appear, disappear, barely "there."
59.

KYREL
"Can't," Linda Anne?

LINDA ANNE
I'll get in worse trouble.

KYREL
Who are you in there? Who are you?

The devil-babies coalesce into an undulating transparency,
which squirms onto her head and shoulders. A harsh voice
comes from Linda Anne.

LINDA ANNE'S DEMON
Legions.

Kyrel's eyes slit green. The demon sinks claws into her neck.

KYREL
You will leave. You will depart this
girl.

LINDA ANNE'S DEMON
You have no authority, Kyrel!

KYREL
Come out, now.

Linda Anne screams, protests in Latin.

LINDA ANNE'S DEMON
Me solum relinquite! Nullas ius.

KYREL
I command you. OUT!

Linda Anne spasms, falls to the floor.

KYREL
OUT, foul demon. OUT!

Linda Anne kicks against the ground, rolls on her side and
vomits. Kyrel, eyes "normal," rests a pillow under her head.

KYREL
You okay?

LINDA ANNE
(smiles)
Go to hell, Pastor.
60.

Linda Anne screams once and bolts to the door. She yanks it
open and pushes past...

Ruth. Who wags a finger at Kyrel.

RUTH
Trouble in Paradise?

Kyrel charges toward the door, which -- untouched -- slams
in his face. He grabs the latch.

KNOCK, KNOCK.

Kyrel steps back. The door swings in. Luke enters.

LUKE
I heard yelling. You okay?

KYREL
I couldn't expel a legion of demons
from that girl. Not on my own.

Luke's face drops.

KYREL
Where's Liz?

LUKE
I thought, with you.

KYREL
(realizing)
Ruth.

Kyrel streams out the door.

LUKE
Ten minutes 'till service.
Genres: ["Drama","Supernatural","Thriller"]

Summary Pastor Kyrel is confronted by Linda Anne, a troubled young woman who admits to lying to him. Kyrel senses a demonic presence around her, manifesting as a blue aura of tiny devils. He attempts to exorcise the demon, but fails. Just as Linda Anne departs, Kyrel realizes that Ruth, a mysterious figure, is behind the demonic possession. He rushes out to confront her, leaving his friend Luke oblivious to the unfolding supernatural events.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional interactions
  • Supernatural elements
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, emotionally charged, and pivotal in the storyline. It effectively builds tension and sets up further conflicts and resolutions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a supernatural confrontation and exorcism adds depth and intrigue to the scene. It explores themes of faith, good vs. evil, and inner demons.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the exorcism and the revelation of demonic influences. It sets up future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of demonic possession within a religious setting, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions are emotionally resonant. The dynamics between Kyrel, Elizabeth, Linda Anne, and Ruth add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes a significant change during the exorcism, showing his strength and resolve in confronting the demonic presence. Linda Anne also experiences a transformation in facing her inner demons.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal is to help Linda Anne overcome the demon possessing her, reflecting his desire to protect and assist those in need.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to maintain order and control in the church community, facing challenges related to demonic possession and interpersonal conflicts.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Kyrel and the demonic presence, as well as the emotional conflicts between characters, is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kyrel facing a powerful demon and struggling to maintain control.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters confront demonic influences, face inner demons, and navigate complex emotional and supernatural challenges.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters, their struggles, and the supernatural elements at play. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected appearance of demonic possession and the intense confrontation between Kyrel and the demon.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the battle between good and evil, as Kyrel confronts a demon possessing Linda Anne and asserts his authority over it.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from fear and tension to resolve and determination. The interactions between characters are emotionally impactful.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, especially during the exorcism scene. It conveys the tension, fear, and resolve of the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense conflict, supernatural elements, and emotional interactions between characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense during the confrontation with the demon.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong sense of urgency and tension as Elizabeth and Kyrel rush to the back door of the church, setting the tone for what's to come.
  • The interaction between Kyrel and Linda Anne is well-written, with a good balance of emotion and suspense. The revelation of Linda Anne being possessed by a demon adds an intriguing twist to the scene.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Linda Anne's demon is effective in showcasing Kyrel's authority and the power struggle between them.
  • The physical and visual descriptions of the demon leaving Linda Anne are vivid and engaging, adding to the intensity of the scene.
  • The entrance of Ruth at the end of the scene introduces a new layer of conflict and mystery, setting up for further developments in the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for Kyrel during the exorcism scene to provide deeper insight into his character's struggles and motivations.
  • Explore the aftermath of the exorcism on Linda Anne and how it impacts her character moving forward in the story.
  • Develop the dynamic between Kyrel and Ruth further to build tension and suspense in their interactions.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of the scene and immerse the reader in the setting.
  • Continue to build on the themes of authority, power, and redemption in future scenes to deepen the overall narrative.



Scene 25 -  The Preacher's Call
INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - HALLWAY - DAY

Kyrel hustles to GLORIA, 20s, a woman with a guitar.

KYREL
Gloria, have you seen my wife?

GLORIA
She went out the back.
61.

KYREL
Alone?

GLORIA
With a woman from the government.

EXT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - REAR

Kyrel checks his empty parking space. Luke follows.

LUKE
Is something wrong?

KYREL
I know their weaknesses. They know
mine.

LUKE
This about that news' story?

KYREL
They want me to waste time trying to
figure how to find Liz. And not let
God speak through me.

LUKE
God?

INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - ASSEMBLY - DAY

Kyrel at the pulpit. Every pew seat filled, more folks
standing room only.
KYREL
Lot of people today. Good Christians;
lukewarm Christians. Newsfolks.
(pretend innocence)
Was it something I said?

Laughter titters across the parishioners.

KYREL
Mrs. Pastor Cyrus Howell has been
kidnapped by the enemy.

Murmurs roll through the crowd.

KYREL
...Though I suspect she's strong
enough that even Satan can't prevail.
62.

Kyrel trembles. His eyes flash an instant of green.

KYREL
Or against the "real me," who's done
things so terrible, you'd stone me.

A HEAVYSET PARISHIONER waves a hand in the air.

HEAVYSET PARISHIONER
Like Paul the Apostle.

KYREL
A blood-thirsty man. Jesus Himself
had to step in to turn Paul around.

Several "Praise the Lord" and "Halleluahs" from the people.

Kyrel stiffens as if possessed. His face and body glow. He
rises taller behind the podium, glances at his feet -- they're
2 inches off the ground.

His eyes slam closed.

KYREL
For those who say I stopped
prophesying 2000 years ago, I, the
Great I Am, speak through My servant.

Kyrel's eyes open -- like a NASA view of space: violet irises
surrounded by blue and white.

KYREL
Those, who expect soothing words --
as you would say, "Guess again."

Some in the pews lean forward. People in the front murmur.

KYREL
If you trust Me, don't sit there,
clucking, singing songs. Get up!
STAND!

A BLUE COLLAR man rises. His WIFE tries to pull him back.

BLUE COLLAR
(tentatively)
I'll stand.

KYREL
Hot or cold, no lukewarm. Stand up
and shout.
63.

BLUE COLLAR
(forceful)
I stand!

A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN bolts upright.

MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN
Praise the Lord!

Several more "Praise Jesus" and "Halleluahs" roll from the
parishioners. Church lights take on a pinkish hue.

KYREL
You're part of My body. Get up on My
wings. Satan tempts with promises of
a little peace, to question your
privilege, your authority to resist
evil.
(like a snake)
"Sssstay seated," "sssstay quiet,"
"sssstay dying."

Blue Collar's WIFE rises, links arms with her husband's.

WIFE
I will not!

KYREL
"Maybe your government won't hurt
you if you don't speak out." A lie.
"Don't be political -- the law demands
it." A lie. "Prayer doesn't work
anyway." Lies, lies, lies.

A YOUNG TEEN leaps to his feet, joined by his OLDER BROTHER.

YOUNG TEEN
Prayer works!

KYREL
Yes, my son. And the devil perverts,
with money, power, fame, sex. You
name it, Satan's there with a demon
to reel you in. Fear not, my children.
My miracles haven't expired. I hear
every cry! But I expect you to do
your part. Heal, banish demons,
prophesize. Luke 10.

A MID-20s WOMAN waves a hand.
64.

MID-20S WOMAN
Amen, Pastor.

KYREL
I will never desert you, My children.
As you might say, "To be continued..."
says, the Great I Am.

Kyrel's feet lower to the floor. His glow fades into a
confused expression. His eyes return to "normal" brown.

LUKE
Pastor?

The crowd holds in rapt silence.

The RUMBLE OF AN EARTHQUAKE shakes the room.

MID-20S WOMAN
Satan's mad, Cyrus.

Kyrel scans the people, reorients himself.

KYREL
Don't let anyone tell you, "God's
not around. He's not ready to step
in." You tell them what you saw.
STAND UP! DO YOUR JOB!

The walls turn blood red. OTHER PEOPLE peer nervously around.

Luke's fingers fret in nervousness.

KYREL
RISE UP!

A HALF DOZEN people with "Christ Rules" shirts stand.

An ALARMED MAN in front starts to get to his feet. His CALMER
WIFE pulls him down.

Kyrel glances at his hands, burning in slashes of blue, seen
to him only. He watches the room spin.

KYREL
Dare to trust God. Pray. Plead. STAND!
AGAINST EVIL! STAND! STAND!!

1/4 of the church rises.
65.

Kyrel's eyes slide up. BANG, he hits the floor, unconscious.
Luke and others rush to him. The walls return to normal.

LUKE
Pastor. Pastor, can you hear me?

Kyrel's eyes open, flash green, brown, green, brown.

Luke blinks to focus, unsure what he saw in Kyrel's eyes.

KYREL
I'm in here. Don't give up.

LUKE
On what, Cy?

Kyrel fights his way to his feet, and stalks off.

KYREL
I have to find Liz.

Luke shrugs to the chaos of people, their hands raised to
heaven, tears in their eyes.
Genres: ["Drama","Spiritual","Mystery"]

Summary Kyrel, consumed by worry for his wife Liz, learns she's been taken by government agents. He rallies the congregation, urging them to fight against evil and trust in God's power. Amidst his passionate speech, the room turns red, the earth shakes, and Kyrel collapses, leaving the church in stunned silence.
Strengths
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • Intriguing plot twists
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing for viewers unfamiliar with the backstory

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a mix of intense emotions, spiritual themes, and mysterious elements that keep the audience captivated.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a pastor struggling with his past and inner demons while trying to lead his congregation is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot is intricate and layered, with multiple storylines converging to create tension and intrigue.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique supernatural elements and explores themes of faith, spiritual warfare, and the power of belief in a fresh and engaging way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and well-developed, each with their own motivations and conflicts that drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes in the scene, particularly the pastor who grapples with his past and inner demons.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his connection with God and fulfill his role as a spiritual leader despite the challenges he faces. This reflects his deeper need for faith and purpose.

External Goal: 7.5

Kyrel's external goal is to find his wife, Liz, who has been kidnapped. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the urgency of the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with both internal and external struggles driving the story forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with internal and external conflicts challenging Kyrel's beliefs and actions. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and drama of the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with the pastor's reputation, family, and spiritual beliefs all on the line.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, revealing new information and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shifts in tone, the introduction of supernatural elements, and the unexpected actions of the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between faith and doubt, good and evil. Kyrel's message to the congregation challenges their beliefs and values, urging them to stand against evil and trust in God.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and fear to hope and inspiration, making it emotionally impactful.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is powerful and thought-provoking, adding depth to the characters and advancing the plot.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, supernatural elements, and dramatic tension. The urgency of Kyrel's message and the reactions of the congregation keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a sense of urgency as Kyrel is looking for his wife, which creates intrigue and sets the tone for the rest of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Gloria effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation, but could benefit from more depth and emotional resonance.
  • The transition to the church assembly is smooth and maintains the momentum of the scene, but the sudden shift in Kyrel's behavior from searching for his wife to delivering a sermon feels slightly disjointed.
  • The interaction between Kyrel and the parishioners is engaging and dynamic, with a good balance of tension and resolution. However, the sudden onset of an earthquake and the walls turning blood red feel slightly forced and could be better integrated into the narrative.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Kyrel collapsing, which adds suspense and leaves the audience wanting more.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to Kyrel's search for his wife to enhance the audience's connection to the character.
  • Ensure a smoother transition between the different elements of the scene to maintain coherence and flow.
  • Integrate the supernatural elements, such as the earthquake and red walls, more organically into the narrative to avoid feeling contrived.
  • Explore ways to further develop the tension and stakes in the scene to keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.
  • Consider expanding on the aftermath of Kyrel's collapse to provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene.



Scene 26 -  The Price of Freedom
INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - HOME OFFICE - DAY

A photograph of roadside crosses hangs over the desk. Kyrel,
worried, on an intense phone call.

KYREL (ON PHONE)
I'll call 100 more times, John, if I
have to. Tell Amanda I love her...
Mom can't talk at the moment.

Kyrel hangs up.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT

Kyrel at the table, with his hand on the phone in its cradle.
The shadows in the room reflect his mood.

KYREL
Lucifer? Free Elizabeth, and I offer
myself up.

The PHONE INSTANTLY RINGS. Kyrel snaps it up.

KYREL (ON PHONE)
Yes... A barn?--
66.

CLICK, the caller hangs up. Kyrel senses a presence, peeks
up at the shape by the door... Arthel.

INT. KYREL' RENTAL CAR - NIGHT

The gravel road CRUNCHES under the tires as Kyrel drives.
Arthel sits in silence in the shotgun seat.

KYREL
What was the monk to you?

Arthel turns to study Kyrel, who keeps his eyes on the road.

ARTHEL
Brother Thomas? It was raining that
night.

Kyrel's expression tightens. The CRUNCHING SOUND becomes
less frantic as Kyrel slows to a stop in front of a crooked
wood barn.

ARTHEL
As soon as the pastor's safe, I'm to
throw you in the Lake of Fire.

Kyrel whirls to Arthel.

KYREL
As long as I get her back, I don't
care.

EXT. DESERTED BARN - NIGHT
Kyrel storms from the car, his eyes locked on Ruth, who waits.
She in turn sees the brutal figure, Arthel, move toward her.

RUTH
He can't come.

Kyrel motions "hold up," to Arthel.

KYREL
(to Ruth)
Where is she?

RUTH
You offered to leave his body.

KYREL
Satan promised Heaven.
67.

Ruth's expression darkens into a chilling smile.

RUTH
She's waiting for you.

KYREL
Where?

RUTH
Time to go home, Kyrel.

KYREL
Home?

Her clothes instantly changed to court jester garb, Ruth
whirls, dances away... And disappears.

Kyrel faces the barn doors, which gape like the mouth on
Jonah's whale.
Genres: ["Drama","Supernatural","Thriller"]

Summary Driven by desperation, Kyrel makes a deal with Lucifer, offering himself in exchange for his daughter Elizabeth's freedom. Guided by Arthel, he arrives at a deserted barn where he encounters Ruth, now dressed as a court jester. Ruth informs him that Elizabeth is waiting for him and it's time to go home, leaving Kyrel with a glimmer of hope amidst the ominous darkness.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Mysterious characters
  • High stakes
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Possible confusion for the audience due to the complex supernatural elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension, introduces high stakes, and reveals crucial information about the characters and their motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a demon making a bargain to save a loved one while facing a menacing figure adds depth and intrigue to the story.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the revelation of the bargain and the introduction of new conflicts and obstacles for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique supernatural and religious elements, such as Lucifer and the Lake of Fire, and presents them in a fresh and intriguing way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' emotions and motivations are well-developed, especially Kyrel's desperation to save Elizabeth and the mysterious Ruth's manipulative nature.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes a significant internal change as he grapples with the decision to make a bargain to save Elizabeth, showcasing his complexity.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to save someone he cares about, likely Amanda, from a dangerous situation. This reflects his deeper desire to protect his loved ones and his fear of losing them.

External Goal: 7.5

Kyrel's external goal is to rescue the pastor and offer himself up in exchange for Elizabeth's freedom. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Kyrel, Ruth, and Arthel, as well as the internal conflict within Kyrel, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ruth's cryptic messages and the looming threat of danger creating obstacles for Kyrel to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Kyrel faces the choice of making a dangerous bargain to save Elizabeth, risking his own soul in the process.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, revealing crucial information, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue, the supernatural elements, and the cryptic messages from Ruth.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Kyrel's willingness to sacrifice himself for others and Ruth's cryptic messages about home and promises. This challenges Kyrel's beliefs about sacrifice and redemption.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, desperation, and doubt in the characters, as well as in the audience, enhancing the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, conflicts, and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mysterious and suspenseful tone, the cryptic dialogue, and the high stakes faced by the characters.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is consistent with the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the mood and atmosphere of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined locations and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and suspense of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Kyrel's intense phone call to a mysterious deal with Lucifer, which may confuse the audience about the sudden shift in tone and plot.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and the caller lacks context, leaving the audience unsure of the significance of the conversation and the urgency of the situation.
  • The introduction of Arthel in the scene feels rushed and lacks proper development, making it challenging for the audience to understand his role and connection to Kyrel.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Arthel is cryptic and lacks clarity, making it difficult for the audience to grasp the full extent of their conversation and its implications.
  • The sudden change in Ruth's appearance and demeanor, from a regular woman to a court jester, feels disjointed and may confuse the audience about her character and intentions.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context and build-up to Kyrel's phone call and the deal with Lucifer to create a smoother transition and better understanding of the stakes involved.
  • Clarify the purpose and outcome of the phone call to give the audience a clearer understanding of Kyrel's motivations and the urgency of the situation.
  • Introduce Arthel earlier in the script to establish his character and connection to Kyrel, allowing for a more seamless integration into the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Kyrel and Arthel to provide more insight into their relationship and the consequences of their interaction, helping the audience follow the plot more effectively.
  • Reveal Ruth's transformation in a more gradual and coherent manner to avoid confusion and maintain the consistency of her character throughout the scene.



Scene 27 -  The Burning Barn
INT. DESERTED BARN - NIGHT

Wide and long, cobwebs and traces of mice. Kyrel enters the
darkness. Behind him, the barn doors THUD SHUT.

KYREL'S BREATH, in and out, sounds loud in the pitch black.
A tiny light sparks, CRACK, in the depths of the loft.

Another glows at ground level. Several more flash on and off
like demented fireflies. CRACK, CRACKLE, CRACK.

Ahead, Elizabeth is tied Joan-of-Arc style to a post.

KYREL
Liz.

Kyrel takes a step forward, stumbles.

ELIZABETH
Stay back, Cy.

KYREL
It's Kyrel. I came for you.

The lights nearest to Elizabeth WHOOSH into flame, which
quickly spread to surrounded her with fire.

SOUNDS: SWORDS RING, WINGS BEAT, SCREAMS OF AGONY. The CRACKLE
OF OZONE, all from unseen sources.
68.

Kyrel's brows knit. He moves faster toward Elizabeth.

The framed angel picture from the kitchen slams into his
forehead, staggers him. He peers to the flames around
Elizabeth, senses something -- his hand barely rises in time
to catch the object -- the cross from the monk's wall.

Blue and white lightning stabs the surface dangerously near
Elizabeth. Kyrel pushes forward.

Blinding light showers down. A DOZEN ANGELS block his way.
He attempts to push past, notices a red spot on one... a
similar blemish on another.

Elizabeth cries in pain as the fires surrounding the stake
nibble at her flesh.

The angels crowd Kyrel, attempt to smother him. He wields
the cross like a weapon, slams it into an angel, catches
another in the chin but...

Raphael appears, swings his silver sword at Kyrel's head,
barely misses. Raphael stabs his blade at Kyrel chest --
Kyrel parries the blade with the cross.

KYREL
(to Raphael)
I want to save her.

Elizabeth screams in agony.

ELIZABETH
Cy, no, stay back!

Kyrel ducks from Raphael's sword.

KYREL
(to Raphael)
Did you hear? I'm on your side.

Kyrel has to raise the cross to prevent Raphael's sword from
decapitating him. THUNK.

A vague Cyrus-sized figure streaks to Elizabeth. Kyrel barely
makes out the figures of Spirit Cyrus fighting with a snake-
like demon.

Raphael steps in Kyrel's line of sight. Raphael's eyes turn
green, slitted, evil. Kyrel charges inside Raphael's swing,
trying to get to Elizabeth.
69.

He THUDS the cross into Raphael, knocks him back -- for an
instant spots a red blotch on Raphael's chest.

Raphael snaps the hilt of his blade to Kyrel's temple, drops
Kyrel to the ground.

KYREL
You're a fake.

In Kyrel's spinning view of the barn, sulfuric flame and
blazing rafters replace the angels. Raphael raises his sword
over Kyrel's helpless form.

Kyrel weakly extends the cross between them.

KYREL
You can't interfere!

Raphael hesitates, disappears... as does Elizabeth. The fires
dim to black. In the dark, the SOUNDS OF FIGHTING STOP.

Kyrel scratches at the floor, covered with straw, gets to
his knees, feels for the cross -- it's not there.

The barn doors SQUEAK open. Moonlight outlines Arthel in the
doorway as Kyrel staggers toward him.

KYREL
This whole world was a fake, staged.

ARTHEL
Just like the real world, human.

Arthel scoffs at Kyrel's shock of surprise.
Genres: ["Drama","Fantasy","Horror"]

Summary Kyrel races into a deserted barn to save Elizabeth, only to find her tied to a post, surrounded by fire. He fights a series of demonic angels, including a seemingly powerful Raphael. Kyrel manages to use the cross to drive Raphael back, but is knocked unconscious. When he wakes up, the fire is gone, Elizabeth has vanished, and a menacing Arthel stands in the doorway, revealing that the world is not as it seems.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Complex conflict
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more concise
  • Slightly confusing at times

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a mix of intense action, emotional depth, and supernatural elements that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a supernatural battle for a character's soul, combined with themes of faith, sacrifice, and redemption, is executed with skill and creativity.

Plot: 8

The plot is complex and intriguing, with multiple layers of conflict and mystery that drive the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique supernatural elements such as angels and demons, and the intense battle between Kyrel and Raphael adds a fresh approach to familiar themes of redemption and sacrifice. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear, adding depth to the scene's emotional impact.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes a significant transformation in this scene, facing his past and making a crucial decision that will impact the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal is to save Elizabeth, as he expresses his desire to rescue her from the flames and angels surrounding her. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and protection of loved ones.

External Goal: 7.5

Kyrel's external goal is to survive the supernatural threats in the barn and rescue Elizabeth. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with both physical and emotional stakes at play.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kyrel facing supernatural threats, physical obstacles, and moral dilemmas that challenge his beliefs and values. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how Kyrel will overcome these challenges.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing life and death decisions, supernatural threats, and emotional turmoil.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the supernatural elements, character interactions, and the outcome of the battle between Kyrel and Raphael.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between good and evil, as represented by the angels and demons, and Kyrel's struggle to save Elizabeth from the forces of darkness. This challenges his beliefs in redemption and the existence of supernatural beings.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, with themes of love, sacrifice, and redemption resonating throughout.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying the characters' emotions and the high stakes of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, supernatural elements, and emotional stakes for the characters. The suspense and tension keep the audience invested in Kyrel's struggle to save Elizabeth.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, escalating the action and emotional stakes, and keeping the audience engaged in Kyrel's struggle to save Elizabeth.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that build tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene is visually descriptive, setting a dark and eerie tone with the cobwebs, mice traces, and pitch-black darkness of the barn. The use of sound effects like swords ringing, wings beating, and screams of agony adds to the suspense and tension of the scene. The introduction of multiple light sources and the sudden flames surrounding Elizabeth create a sense of chaos and danger.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth is engaging, showcasing Kyrel's determination to save her despite the obstacles. The conflict between Kyrel and the angels, particularly Raphael, is well portrayed, with Kyrel using the cross as a weapon and trying to reason with Raphael. The appearance of Spirit Cyrus fighting a demon adds an intriguing layer to the scene.
  • The action sequences involving Kyrel's struggle against the angels and Raphael are intense and dynamic, with a good balance of physical combat and supernatural elements. The revelation of Raphael's true nature and the disappearance of Elizabeth and the angels create a sense of mystery and suspense.
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a cliffhanger ending with Arthel appearing in the doorway. The use of symbolism, such as the barn doors resembling the mouth of Jonah's whale, adds depth to the scene and hints at larger themes of redemption and salvation.
  • Overall, the scene effectively combines visual, auditory, and narrative elements to create a compelling and suspenseful moment in the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts and emotions for Kyrel to deepen his character development and provide insight into his motivations and struggles.
  • Explore the relationship between Kyrel and Elizabeth further, delving into their past and the reasons behind their connection and conflicts.
  • Clarify the dynamics between Kyrel, Spirit Cyrus, and the angels to enhance the supernatural elements and the larger mythology of the story.
  • Work on pacing and transitions to ensure a smooth flow between the action sequences and dialogue, maintaining the tension and momentum of the scene.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the reader in the setting and enhance the atmosphere of the barn, making it feel more vivid and immersive.



Scene 28 -  A Sunrise of Confusion and Regret
EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - PORCH - MORNING

SQUEAK, SQUEAK, SQUEAK. Kyrel rocks thoughtfully in the
glider, watches the sunrise. He jumps up, steps toward the
shimmering Spirit Cyrus. Cyrus' hair is 90% white, his face
and body show ugly claw and bite marks.

KYREL
Did you get her?

SPIRIT CYRUS
Only for a moment.

KYREL
She was telling you to stop, not me.
70.

Spirit Cyrus nods.

KYREL
What do you know about the Angel
Arthel?

Spirit Cyrus shakes his head. His hands tremble.

SPIRIT CYRUS
Something's happening to me. My time
may be running out. Promise me--

Spirit Cyrus fades and disappears. Kyrel peers to the sky.

KYREL
In case You're listening, please
bring Liz home safe. Throw me away.
Let Cyrus die. But bring her back.

A PHONE RINGS inside the house.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

A WOMAN'S VOICE on an answering machine.

WOMAN'S VOICE (V.O.)
Mister Cy, this is Ruth. Pick up.

Kyrel angrily grabs the landline.

KYREL (INTO PHONE)
What did you do with her?
(listens)
I thought you were a different Ruth...
(hopeful)
Right away.

Kyrel hangs up, peeks at the phone in distrust.

INT. HOSPITAL - HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

The same room that Kyrel was in. Kyrel watches Elizabeth,
asleep. Her eyes flutter open.

ELIZABETH
Cy? I heard God again -- to not doubt
His strength.

Kyrel trembles, almost crying from joy.
71.

KYREL
They found you unconscious.

ELIZABETH
The EMT asked who the apostles were.
The only one I could name was Judas,
who betrayed Jesus.

Elizabeth touches her belly.

Kyrel smiles at the gesture.

ELIZABETH
A nurse asked how long I'd been
pregnant.

KYREL
Do you know who I am?

ELIZABETH
The father.

KYREL
Do you know where Ruth took you?

ELIZABETH
(shakes her head)
It was hot. It felt like Cy was there.
To rescue me.

The real part of Kyrel's smile fades.

KYREL
The kids wondered why you hadn't
called 6 times.

Elizabeth fidgets with the IV drip in her arm, as she studies
Kyrel -- long enough that he asks:

KYREL
What?

ELIZABETH
I don't hate you.

KYREL
Why not?

ELIZABETH
What was it like in the presence of
God?
72.

Kyrel's face drops. Tears brim. He breaks down. Long sobs.

KYREL
What a terrible mistake I made.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.

ELIZABETH
What did Lucifer say to get you to
rebel?

KYREL
I'd never heard a lie...
Genres: ["Drama","Supernatural","Thriller"]

Summary Kyrel witnesses the sunrise, marked by the fading of Spirit Cyrus, who asks for a promise before disappearing. Relieved to receive a call from Ruth claiming to have Elizabeth, Kyrel rushes to the hospital to find his daughter alive. Elizabeth, however, has fragmented memories of her ordeal, remembering being rescued by a spirit resembling Cyrus. While Kyrel tries to understand the situation, Elizabeth is confused, but expresses her continued love for him and seeks to understand his relationship with God. Overwhelmed with guilt, Kyrel confesses his mistake, revealing that Lucifer's lies were the first he had ever encountered, leaving the audience with unanswered questions about the events surrounding Elizabeth's disappearance.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intriguing plot developments
  • Complex characters
  • Tension and conflict
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more concise
  • Ruth's role could be further developed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is powerful, emotionally charged, and filled with tension. It effectively conveys the characters' inner turmoil and sets up intriguing plot developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Kyrel's internal struggle, Elizabeth's forgiveness, and the mysterious presence of Spirit Cyrus are compelling and well-executed. The scene delves into themes of redemption, faith, and sacrifice.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with revelations about Kyrel's past, Elizabeth's forgiveness, and the mysterious phone call from Ruth. The stakes are raised, and the conflict intensifies.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its exploration of themes of faith, redemption, and forgiveness within a supernatural context. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and resonate with the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and well-developed, with Kyrel's emotional breakdown and Elizabeth's forgiveness adding depth to their arcs. Spirit Cyrus adds a mysterious and supernatural element to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel experiences a significant emotional change in this scene, moving from guilt and despair to a sense of hope and redemption. Elizabeth also undergoes a change by forgiving Kyrel and expressing her faith.

Internal Goal: 9

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to save Liz and confront his own mistakes and regrets. He is grappling with guilt, fear, and a desire for redemption.

External Goal: 8

Kyrel's external goal is to find out what happened to Liz and ensure her safety. He is also dealing with the consequences of his actions and the betrayal of someone he trusted.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is both internal and external, with Kyrel facing his past mistakes, Elizabeth forgiving him, and the mysterious presence of Spirit Cyrus adding tension and uncertainty.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kyrel facing internal and external challenges that test his beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, with Kyrel facing his past mistakes, Elizabeth's forgiveness hanging in the balance, and the mysterious presence of Spirit Cyrus adding a sense of danger and uncertainty.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, with revelations about Kyrel's past, Elizabeth's forgiveness, and the mysterious phone call from Ruth setting up intriguing plot developments and raising the stakes.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and revelations in the characters' interactions and the unfolding of the plot.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around themes of faith, redemption, and forgiveness. Kyrel is questioning his beliefs and struggling with the consequences of his choices.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with Kyrel's emotional breakdown, Elizabeth's forgiveness, and the sense of hope amidst the turmoil evoking strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is emotional, impactful, and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and feelings. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, tense atmosphere, and the high stakes for the characters. The audience is invested in Kyrel's journey and the outcome of his actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, allowing for moments of introspection and emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed and enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the characters' motivations and actions. There is a lot of information being exchanged, but it is not always clear why characters are saying or doing certain things.
  • The emotional depth of the scene could be enhanced by delving deeper into Kyrel's internal conflict and Elizabeth's feelings towards him. There is a lot of potential for a more impactful interaction between the two characters.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat disjointed and could benefit from more natural flow and organic transitions between topics.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting for the readers.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by balancing the emotional moments with the action and dialogue.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the characters' intentions and emotions to make the scene more engaging and relatable.
  • Consider adding more subtext and nuance to the dialogue to deepen the characters' interactions.
  • Enhance the visual elements by describing the surroundings and characters' expressions in more detail.
  • Work on the pacing of the scene to ensure a smooth transition between emotional beats and action sequences.
  • Focus on creating a cohesive narrative arc within the scene to drive the story forward and keep the readers invested.



Scene 29 -  Demonic Revelation
EXT. HEAVEN - DAY

Kyrel, pure white, incredibly beautiful, floats in glory.
LUCIFER, 7 places where candles seem to burn from his wings,
all smoke and feathers, appears over Kyrel's shoulder,

LUCIFER
God plans to make a man in his image.

KYREL
Glory to the Lord.

LUCIFER
The angels will bow down to this
"Adam," and minister to him.

KYREL
Holy, holy, holy--

LUCIFER
It breaks my heart, the Lord would
want humans to replace us.

Kyrel pauses, his forehead tugs down.

KYREL
Replace us?

A small red spot tinges one of Kyrel's feathers.

INT. HOSPITAL - HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY (BACK TO PRESENT)

Elizabeth sighs deeply, drops her gaze away from Kyrel. She
can't bear his sadness.
73.

EXT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - GRAVEYARD - NEXT DAY

Billowing clouds ease across the South Carolina sky in shapes
like lions and angel wings. Kyrel, Elizabeth and Luke sit on
facing benches.

LUKE
An exorcism?

KYREL
You miss the point. We need to get
me out of Cyrus.

LUKE
Let's not start again.

ELIZABETH
(to Kyrel)
You'll have to show him.

Kyrel's eyes flash a menacing green. Luke jumps to his feet.

LUKE
What? What was that?

ELIZABETH
Kyrel -- that's his name -- wants to
do the right thing.

Luke doesn't know who to look at, what to think.

LUKE
(re: Kyrel's eyes)
Do that again.

Kyrel flashes his eyes green, then brown. Luke leans against
a monument for support.

LUKE
This a trick to get rid of me?

ELIZABETH
Luke. He's a demon, in possession of
Cyrus.

LUKE
(as much to himself,
as to them)
He's a Christian. It's not possible.
74.
Genres: ["Drama","Supernatural","Spiritual"]

Summary The scene opens with a flashback to Heaven where angel Kyrel witnesses Lucifer's sorrow over humanity's creation. Cut to the present where Elizabeth tries to convince Luke that Kyrel is a demon. Luke, a devout Christian, is skeptical and struggles to reconcile the idea of a demon possessing a Christian. Kyrel's menacing green eyes flash, confirming Elizabeth's suspicions and leaving Luke bewildered.
Strengths
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Intense emotional depth
  • Intriguing supernatural elements
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly cryptic or vague

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the inner turmoil and external challenges faced by the characters, drawing the audience into the complex dynamics at play.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a pastor battling demonic possession and spiritual conflicts is intriguing and well-executed, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through revelations about Kyrel's past and his current struggles, setting the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the concept of angels and demons, exploring themes of hierarchy and purpose in a unique and engaging way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are multi-dimensional, with Kyrel's internal conflict and Elizabeth's unwavering support adding layers to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes a significant internal transformation as he grapples with his past and confronts his inner demons, leading to a deeper understanding of his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal is to understand and come to terms with the idea of humans replacing angels in God's plan. This reflects his deeper fears of being replaced and his desire to maintain his position and purpose.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to convince Luke and Elizabeth to help him get out of Cyrus. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces of being trapped in a human body.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between good and evil, internal struggles, and external threats creates a high level of tension and suspense in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and goals between the characters, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Kyrel faces threats to his family, his faith, and his very soul, adding urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters' motivations, relationships, and internal conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' beliefs and actions, keeping the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in Lucifer's belief that humans should not replace angels, challenging Kyrel's belief in God's plan and the hierarchy of beings.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact is significant, with themes of loss, redemption, and hope resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional weight of the scene, revealing the characters' inner thoughts and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mystical and philosophical themes, the conflict between characters, and the supernatural elements.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, allowing for moments of reflection and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a flashback to Heaven, which provides important context but may be confusing for the audience if not clearly connected to the present storyline.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Lucifer sets up a significant conflict but could benefit from more depth and emotional resonance to engage the audience.
  • The transition from the heavenly setting to the hospital room feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a smooth transition to connect the two scenes.
  • The interaction between Elizabeth, Kyrel, and Luke in the graveyard lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the gravity of the situation.
  • The revelation of Kyrel's demonic nature through his flashing green eyes is a powerful moment but could be further developed to enhance the impact on the characters and the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the opening flashback to Heaven to better integrate it with the present storyline and provide clearer context for the audience.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Kyrel and Lucifer to deepen the conflict and emotional stakes, making the scene more engaging and impactful.
  • Work on creating a smoother transition between the heavenly setting and the hospital room to improve the flow and coherence of the scene.
  • Increase the sense of urgency and tension in the interaction between Elizabeth, Kyrel, and Luke in the graveyard to heighten the drama and suspense of the moment.
  • Further develop the revelation of Kyrel's demonic nature through his flashing green eyes to maximize the impact on the characters and audience, adding depth to the scene.



Scene 30 -  A Skeptical Exorcism
INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - PASTOR'S OFFICE - NIGHT

In an art print, a winged creature sinks its claws into a
human head. Luke pulls back from the image, turns to Elizabeth
and Kyrel.

LUKE
You claim you're an evil being.

KYREL
A being who has done evil.

LUKE
And who lies.

KYREL
Has lied.

LUKE
On his word, we should go crazy as a
horned beetle? What if it's a trick?
What if what we do kills Pastor Cyrus?

Elizabeth and Kyrel wait.

LUKE
An exorcism?

KYREL
I prayed, not to Satan but to God
Himself, to return Liz to me.

LUKE
You think God answers demons' prayers?

Kyrel gestures, "Here she is."

Luke signs. He finally believes.

LUKE
Say we could kick him out. What if
Pastor Cy isn't in there?

ELIZABETH
Then I'm a widow.

EXT. COLUMBIA, SC - HOLY TRINITY GREEK ORTHODOX CHURCH - DAY

Golden domes and crosses top a majestic off-white structure.
75.

INT. HOLY TRINITY GREEK ORTHODOX CHURCH - DAY

A serene portrait of Jesus stares from the ceiling. Luke
leads Kyrel and Elizabeth toward FATHER DRACO, 50s, haughty.

LUKE
Good to see you, Draco. This is Pastor
Cyrus' wife, Elizabeth.

Elizabeth gives a small nod in greeting.

LUKE
(presenting Kyrel)
And this--

Father Draco puts up his hand for Luke to be silent. Draco
gestures for Kyrel to come for a walk and talk.

FATHER DRACO
I told Luke not to bring you. He
bribed me with an excellent Santa
Rosa rosé. Exorcism is a long, drawn
out process.

Kyrel studies Draco.

KYREL
That's why we're here. You're trained.

FATHER DRACO
We need theological, psychological,
anthropological examinations--

KYREL
(presenting himself)
Examine.

FATHER DRACO
...Approval by the Bishop. You think
you're possessed?

KYREL
I am that which possesses.

Father Draco grasps Kyrel's bare arm in a friendly grip.

FATHER DRACO
My son, do you know what you're
saying?
76.

KYREL
I know what you're holding against
my skin.

Father Draco removes his hand -- in it a cross. He checks
Kyrel's arm, which is unharmed.

FATHER DRACO
If evil, how did you enter this most
holy sanctuary?

KYREL
Your predecessor invited me.

Draco seems off balance. Kyrel drops eye contact.

KYREL
I was ready to torment Cyrus some
more. To finally win his soul. But I
changed my mind.

FATHER DRACO
If you'd "won his soul," what would
you have done with him?

KYREL
Sent him back to his church.

FATHER DRACO
To do Satan's work? What's the
difference between a demon and a
fallen angel?

KYREL
Time.

Kyrel and Draco ponder the depiction of the First Station of
the Cross -- Jesus being led by a Roman Centurion.

FATHER DRACO
Luke said you're convincing. When a
psychiatrist proclaims you're fully
healed from your concussion and refers
you back to me, you may visit again.
Genres: ["Drama","Supernatural","Spiritual"]

Summary Luke, Elizabeth, and the entity possessing Elizabeth, Kyrel, seek help from Father Draco at the Holy Trinity Greek Orthodox Church. They request an exorcism, but Father Draco is hesitant, requiring examinations and approvals before considering such a procedure. Kyrel, claiming to be the possessing entity, states that he was invited into the church by the previous priest. Father Draco remains unsure of Kyrel's claims and decides to wait for a psychiatrist's evaluation before proceeding, leaving the fate of Elizabeth and the battle against the demonic presence uncertain.
Strengths
  • Deep exploration of spiritual and supernatural themes
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Engaging dialogue that delves into philosophical questions
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue exchanges may be overly philosophical and dense for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines elements of drama, supernatural, and spiritual themes to create a compelling and intense narrative. The dialogue is thought-provoking, and the character dynamics add depth to the overall story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of possession, redemption, and the internal struggle between good and evil is well-developed in this scene. The introduction of supernatural elements adds an intriguing twist to the narrative, keeping the audience engaged and questioning the true nature of the characters.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Kyrel seeks help from Father Draco to address his inner demons and potentially undergo an exorcism. The introduction of new characters and the exploration of Kyrel's past actions add depth to the storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on possession and exorcism, blending religious elements with psychological and philosophical themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Kyrel, Elizabeth, and Father Draco, are well-developed and showcase complex emotions and motivations. The interactions between the characters drive the scene forward and reveal more about their personalities and beliefs.

Character Changes: 7

Kyrel undergoes a significant internal change as he seeks help from Father Draco and confronts his past actions. His journey towards redemption and forgiveness drives the emotional core of the scene, showcasing his growth and inner turmoil.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to understand the true nature of Kyrel and his intentions. This reflects Luke's deeper need for truth and clarity in a situation filled with uncertainty and supernatural elements.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to seek help from Father Draco for an exorcism to save Pastor Cyrus. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a potentially possessed individual and the threat to a loved one's life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene primarily revolves around Kyrel's internal struggle with his past actions and the potential for redemption. The tension between Kyrel, Elizabeth, and Father Draco adds a layer of suspense and uncertainty to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the exorcism and Kyrel's true intentions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Kyrel grapples with his inner demons, seeks redemption, and faces the possibility of losing Elizabeth. The emotional and spiritual consequences of his actions add weight to the narrative, raising the tension and suspense in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting the stage for potential resolutions. The exploration of Kyrel's past and his quest for redemption propels the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character motivations and revelations about Kyrel's true nature. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the nature of evil, possession, and redemption. Kyrel's claims challenge traditional beliefs and raise questions about the boundaries between good and evil.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including concern, hope, and doubt, as the characters grapple with their beliefs and inner demons. The emotional depth of the scene adds resonance to the narrative and engages the audience on a personal level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, delving into deep philosophical and spiritual themes. The conversations between the characters reveal their inner conflicts and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue exchanges, mysterious atmosphere, and complex character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the unfolding drama and supernatural elements.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the overall intensity of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-paced and contributes to the overall atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals character motivations. The transitions between locations are smooth and contribute to the narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the gravity of the situation - an exorcism is being discussed, but the dialogue feels somewhat casual and lacks intensity.
  • The dialogue between the characters, especially Kyrel and Father Draco, could be more dynamic and engaging to enhance the conflict and stakes of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into Kyrel's internal struggle and the emotional weight of his situation, which could add depth to his character and make the scene more compelling.
  • The interaction between Kyrel and Father Draco could be more confrontational and intense, reflecting the high stakes of the exorcism discussion and Kyrel's demonic nature.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues and descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting, enhancing the atmosphere and tension of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Intensify the dialogue between the characters to reflect the seriousness of the situation and the conflict at hand.
  • Explore Kyrel's internal turmoil and emotional struggle more deeply to add complexity to his character and engage the audience.
  • Consider adding visual elements to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the scene, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Increase the tension and urgency in the interactions between the characters, especially during the discussion of the exorcism, to heighten the stakes and drama of the scene.
  • Focus on building a sense of suspense and anticipation throughout the scene to keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the exorcism discussion.



Scene 31 -  Demon's Grip
EXT. WOODS NEAR KYREL'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Kyrel steps into a clearing, glares at the stars.
77.

KYREL
Raphael! Appear, creature, I know
you hear me.

Raphael's hand clamps onto Kyrel's throat, lifts him 3 feet
off the ground, throws him down. Kyrel jumps right back up.

KYREL
This is one of God's children. Release
me, release him.

RAPHAEL
You never did understand how God
works.

KYREL
Or I wouldn't be in this mess.

Raphael's face brightens until... POOF, Raphael's gone.

Kyrel runs his fingers through his hair.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Kyrel runs his fingers through his hair. Luke searches on
his smartphone. Elizabeth Post-Its a page in her Bible.

ELIZABETH
Jesus gave the disciples the power
to cast out demons.

LUKE
Two thousand years ago.

KYREL
Are you saying it's no longer valid?

They snap to the SOUND of HEAVY FOOTSTEPS on the stairs:
Arthel enters the room.

ARTHEL
Matthew 7:22 disavowed exorcists and
false prophets.

KYREL
This is the angel I told you about.

Luke dissects Arthel's Arthel rough appearance.
78.

LUKE
Angel?

Kyrel shrugs.

ELIZABETH
(reads her Bible)
"Lord, have we not prophesied in thy
name? And in thy name cast out
devils?" And Jesus replied, "Then I
will profess I never knew you."

KYREL
Jesus didn't want followers with
puffed up egos.

LUKE
Or serpents that twist the truth.

KYREL
Mark 16:17: "In His name shall they
cast out demons..." Don't Christians
read the Bible anymore? No wonder,
it's so easy to knock you down.

Arthel turns away.

ELIZABETH
What's your part in this?

ARTHEL
Getting him out of your husband would
trump Satan's sleight of hand.

ELIZABETH
You think Satan did this?

ARTHEL
He throws rocks at wasps, and we run
from the stings.

KYREL
Then you'll help?

ARTHEL
Don't mistake it for liking you. He
gives the word, it's The Lake.

LUKE
Holy kamoley.
79.

They turn to Luke, who reads from his smartphone.

LUKE
(reading)
"How to do an exorcism."
(next article)
"How to remove a demon from a person,"
how to, how to... Are you sure we
should even think about this?
Genres: ["Drama","Supernatural","Spiritual"]

Summary Possessed by the demon Raphael, Kyrel is attacked in the woods before returning home, where he confides in his wife Elizabeth and brother-in-law Luke. They consider exorcism but are interrupted by Arthel, who claims only banishment to a lake will defeat the demon. The scene ends with Luke researching exorcism, leaving the characters' fate uncertain.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Exploration of supernatural themes
  • Character conflict and development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly complex for casual viewers
  • Lack of clarity in certain character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging and thought-provoking, with a strong focus on supernatural elements and spiritual themes. The dialogue is intense and confrontational, adding depth to the character interactions and driving the plot forward.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of angels, demons, exorcism, and divine intervention is well-executed in the scene, creating a compelling narrative that explores themes of faith, belief, and the supernatural. The introduction of conflicting beliefs and motivations adds complexity to the storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the characters' conflicting beliefs and motivations, as well as the supernatural elements at play. The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and revelations, setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the supernatural genre by blending religious themes with philosophical debates and character conflicts. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their conflicting beliefs and motivations drive the dialogue and actions in the scene. The dynamic between Kyrel, Elizabeth, Luke, and Arthel adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience engaged.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo internal changes as they confront their beliefs, motivations, and the presence of supernatural beings. Kyrel, Elizabeth, Luke, and Arthel all experience growth and development in the scene, setting the stage for further character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to prove his faith and understanding of God's will, despite facing doubt and opposition from others. This reflects his deeper need for validation and spiritual fulfillment.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to rid his husband of a demon, which reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in dealing with supernatural forces and protecting his loved one.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the characters confront their beliefs, motivations, and the presence of supernatural beings. The tension between the characters drives the plot forward and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, values, and goals among the characters that create obstacles and challenges for the protagonist. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters confront their beliefs, motivations, and the presence of supernatural beings. The outcome of their actions could have far-reaching consequences, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges, conflicts, and revelations. It sets the stage for further developments and keeps the audience engaged in the narrative, building suspense and intrigue.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character motivations, philosophical debates, and supernatural elements that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the interpretation of religious texts, the existence of supernatural beings, and the power of faith. It challenges the characters' beliefs, values, and worldview, leading to a clash of ideologies.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, conflict, hope, and doubt. The characters' internal struggles and the presence of supernatural elements add depth to the emotional impact of the scene, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is intense, confrontational, and thought-provoking, reflecting the characters' conflicting beliefs and motivations. It drives the plot forward and adds depth to the character interactions, creating tension and intrigue.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, supernatural elements, and philosophical conflicts that keep the audience invested in the characters' struggles and beliefs.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, suspense, and emotional intensity through well-timed character interactions, dialogue exchanges, and plot revelations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and drama.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the dynamics between Kyrel, Raphael, Elizabeth, Luke, and Arthel. The dialogue and actions of the characters are somewhat disjointed and could be more cohesive to enhance the storytelling.
  • The transition from the woods near Kyrel's house to the living room feels abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue between the characters, especially Kyrel, Elizabeth, Luke, and Arthel, could be more engaging and impactful. There is potential for deeper exploration of their beliefs, conflicts, and motivations.
  • The introduction of Arthel as an angel is intriguing but could be further developed to add depth to the supernatural elements of the story.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting, especially in the living room where most of the interaction takes place.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the dialogue to make it more natural and reflective of each character's personality and beliefs. This will help in building stronger connections between the characters and engaging the audience.
  • Work on the pacing and transitions between different locations to ensure a seamless progression of the scene. Smooth transitions will enhance the overall flow of the story.
  • Explore the relationships and conflicts between the characters in more detail to add depth and complexity to the scene. This will make the interactions more compelling and the stakes higher.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more immersive and visually engaging setting. This will help in setting the tone and atmosphere of the scene effectively.
  • Consider adding more layers to Arthel's character to make his role in the story more impactful and intriguing. Develop his backstory and motivations to add depth to the supernatural elements of the scene.



Scene 32 -  Tense Conversations and Baby Lambs
EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - DAY

Elizabeth pulls up in her SUV, her expression troubled. She
slides from the car, grabs her briefcase but her gaze finds
Kyrel at the sheep pen. Curious, holding her briefcase, she
hesitantly heads toward Kyrel.

EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - BACKYARD PEN - DAY

Elizabeth's eyes widen at the sight of Kyrel tenderly bottle
feeding one of two baby lambs.

ELIZABETH
Where'd these cuties come from?

KYREL
A parishioner. He left a card inside.

Elizabeth smiles at Kyrel feeding the baby, affection and
turmoil in her eyes.

KYREL
How'd the house deal go?
ELIZABETH
I bet it's five years since Cy asked
me that.

For a moment, neither says a word. She sets her briefcase on
the ground, fills the tension with words:

ELIZABETH
Luke needs a day to get everything.
He set the exorcism for Thursday.

The bottle empty, the lamb frolics away. Kyrel stands, brushes
himself off.

ELIZABETH
Don't take this wrong.
80.

Kyrel's eyes shift in apprehension.

ELIZABETH
I love my husband. If Thursday, in 5
minutes, we cast you out, and my
husband back, I'm a happy woman...

Kyrel's frown deepens.

ELIZABETH
He's a very, very good man--

KYREL
Stop right there.

Kyrel tightens and untightens the lid of the bottle.

ELIZABETH
He's the father of my children, the
minister of my church--

KYREL
I asked you to stop.

ELIZABETH
I won't add lying to the sin of being
tempted by you.

Elizabeth's briefcase tips to the ground with a THUD. A BREEZE
SIGHS through the trees. Kyrel watches the leaves flutter.

KYREL
Cy heard that.

ELIZABETH
I hope so, because...
(to Cyrus inside Kyrel)
Jesus put the pastor and the Realtor
together, Cy. You and me. Chocolate
chips and cookie dough, stir and
bake -- a recipe that lives forever.
We both need to live up to that.

Tears escape now, and Kyrel moves toward her.

ELIZABETH
Don't you come closer. Don't you
touch me. You both know how to hurt
me.
81.

Kyrel's arms drop to his sides. His hands move as if he was
about to speak, but can't find anything to say.

Elizabeth takes a deep breath. Focuses.

ELIZABETH
What if you weren't punished for
what you've done? What if...

Kyrel waits for her to finish the question.
Genres: ["Drama","Spiritual","Supernatural"]

Summary Elizabeth arrives at Kyrel's house and finds him bottle feeding baby lambs. They have a tense conversation about her husband, their relationship, and the upcoming exorcism. The conflict arises from Elizabeth's conflicted feelings towards Kyrel and her loyalty to her husband. The emotional tone of the scene is tense, emotional, and conflicted, with key dialogue revealing Elizabeth's love for her husband and temptation towards Kyrel. The scene ends with Elizabeth questioning the consequences of Kyrel not being punished, leaving the conversation open-ended.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth and conflict between the characters, drawing the audience into their complex relationship and inner turmoil.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a possessed pastor facing the consequences of his actions and the impact on his relationships is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the revelation of the exorcism date and the emotional confrontation between Kyrel and Elizabeth, adding depth to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of temptation and forgiveness within a religious context. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Kyrel and Elizabeth are well-developed and their emotional journey is compelling, adding layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

Both Kyrel and Elizabeth undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, deepening their character arcs and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Elizabeth's internal goal in this scene is to navigate her conflicting emotions towards Kyrel and her husband. It reflects her deeper need for emotional fulfillment and her fear of making the wrong choice.

External Goal: 7

Elizabeth's external goal is to inform Kyrel about the upcoming exorcism and set boundaries in their relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Kyrel and Elizabeth, as well as the internal conflict within Kyrel, drives the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and emotional barriers creating obstacles for the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of the impending exorcism and the emotional turmoil between Kyrel and Elizabeth raise the tension and importance of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the exorcism and deepening the emotional stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and emotional revelations between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around loyalty, temptation, and forgiveness. Elizabeth is torn between her loyalty to her husband and her temptation towards Kyrel, while also grappling with the concept of forgiveness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience through the raw and honest portrayal of the characters' struggles and conflicts.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional tension and conflict between the characters, enhancing the scene's impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity, moral dilemmas, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and allows for emotional beats to land, enhancing the overall impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character-driven drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the characters' emotions and intentions. Elizabeth's conflicted feelings towards Kyrel and her husband are not fully explored, leaving the audience unsure of her true motivations.
  • The dialogue between Elizabeth and Kyrel feels forced and unnatural at times, especially when Elizabeth abruptly shifts from discussing the exorcism to expressing her love for her husband.
  • The tension between Elizabeth and Kyrel could be heightened by delving deeper into their emotional turmoil and conflicting desires.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the atmosphere and convey the characters' inner struggles effectively.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, with abrupt shifts in tone and emotion that detract from the overall impact of the interaction between Elizabeth and Kyrel.
Suggestions
  • Develop Elizabeth's internal conflict and emotional journey more thoroughly to provide a clearer understanding of her motivations and feelings.
  • Refine the dialogue between Elizabeth and Kyrel to make it more organic and reflective of their complex relationship dynamics.
  • Build up the tension between Elizabeth and Kyrel gradually, allowing their conflicting desires and emotions to unfold in a more nuanced manner.
  • Introduce more visual elements to enhance the scene's atmosphere and convey the characters' inner turmoil effectively.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing of the scene to allow for a more natural progression of emotions and interactions between Elizabeth and Kyrel.



Scene 33 -  The Exorcism of Kyrel
EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - DAY

Kyrel holds the door for Elizabeth to enter the house.

KYREL
(disbelief)
I don't deserve being saved.

ELIZABETH
None of us did.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - DAY

Elizabeth speaks to Kyrel as the screen door BANGS closed.

ELIZABETH
What if God chose to demonstrate
love for even a demon?

KYREL
One of His creations?
A SHARP CRACKING SOUND. A jolt of the earth -- enough to
worry them both.

ELIZABETH
Earthquakes are rare around here.

KYREL
The devil sneaks more evil in this
world than you can imagine. Your
grandmother dies, God didn't give
her Alzheimer's. Satan did. Cancer
eats a 4-year-old: Satan.

ELIZABETH
What will the devil do to you?

Kyrel clenches his teeth.
82.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Luke at a table arranged with vials of liquid; crosses, and
religious photos. Arthel disconnects the land line phone.

Kyrel sits in clean off-white clothing, in an easy chair
with a gentle floral pattern. Elizabeth double locks the
front door, checks her phone readout: 8:00; powers it down.

ARTHEL
It's time.

Luke waves a smudge stick over Kyrel.

ELIZABETH
Kyrel, I don't want to hurt you.

Kyrel and Elizabeth's gazes brush. He squeezes her hand.

ELIZABETH
Or Cyrus whom you inhabit.

Kyrel releases her. His CHAIR CREAKS as he sits back.

LUKE
(to Kyrel)
May I apply exorcised oil?

KYREL
You're loyal, Luke. I like that.

An inhale catches in Luke's throat. He rubs frankincense to
Kyrel's forehead in the shape of a cross.

ELIZABETH
Kyrel, come out of my husband's body.
Please. Leave Cyrus and return to
where you belong.

LUKE
In the name of Jesus Christ, I
command you. Come out.

ELIZABETH
Demon, in the name of Jesus, leave
my husband, and do not return.

A ghostly whisp, a barely-seen blue howler monkey bleeds
from Kyrel and dissipates into nothing. Elizabeth and Luke
blink -- unsure if they saw anything, but Arthel moves closer.
83.

ARTHEL
By the authority given me, I order
you, come out!

LUKE
Leave this man, in the name of Jesus
Christ I command you. Leave.

Luke sprinkles Kyrel with holy water. Kyrel's eyes turn green,
he hunches his shoulders. An almost transparent creature
like a winged skeleton pops from his back and dissembles.

ARTHEL
Get out, now.

ELIZABETH
Damn it, Kyrel, leave!

Kyrel screams. His eyes flash white -- no pupils.

A hint of smoke wafts about. Elizabeth sniffs the air.

ELIZABETH
(to Luke)
What's that smell?

A zephyr of WIND GROANS through the room. An explosion of
blue sparks, like horrid bats with arms, bursts from Kyrel.
POP, POP, POP.

Elizabeth's CELL PHONE RINGS. She goes to "silence" it --
but it's already off. Luke's PHONE RINGS; Kyrel's CELL TONES
from a side table.

The CLOCK CHIMES. CAR ALARMS OUTSIDE. A cacophony of 100
SOUNDS AT ONCE.

The PHONES, THE HORNS, EVERYTHING STOPS at the same instant.

The wind calms, WHOOSH, Whoosh, whoo... SILENCE.

The clock: TICK TOCK, TICK TOCK.

Kyrel's eyes, still shut.

Luke and Arthel exchange glances.

ELIZABETH
Cy, can you hear me? Oh, Jesus. Cy?

Her hand hovers above Kyrel's.
84.

She hesitates to touch him... cuts the distance in half.

Brushes his hand. Kyrel inhales sharply. His eyes swing open.

He stares dreamily into her face.

KYREL
It. Didn't work.

He exposes his forearm -- it's charred as from fire.

LATER

Arthel roughly turns Kyrel's forearm open -- 90% healed.
Their eyes meet in mutual dislike. Elizabeth and Luke read
from a printed sheet.

ELIZABETH
Saint Michael, Prince of Heavenly
Armies, help us in "our battle against
principalities and powers..."

LUKE
"...against the rulers of this world
of darkness..."

ELIZABETH
"...against the spirits of wickedness
in high places."

Kyrel listens to every word. The SOUND LEVEL SLOWLY FADES...
Genres: ["Drama","Horror","Spiritual"]

Summary Luke and Arthel attempt to exorcise the demon Cyrus from Kyrel's body using holy water, smudge sticks, and prayers. The demon briefly escapes in the form of a winged skeleton and a blue spark creature, but is defeated both times. While Kyrel appears to be freed, a lingering burn on his arm suggests the threat may not be fully eliminated.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional moments
  • Supernatural elements
  • Tense dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing without prior context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a mix of drama, horror, and spiritual elements that keep the audience on the edge of their seats. The emotional depth and intensity of the characters add to the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of an exorcism involving a possessed pastor, his wife, and her brother, along with a menacing figure, is unique and captivating. The supernatural elements and the internal conflict within the characters make for a compelling concept.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the exorcism of Kyrel, the possessed pastor, and the emotional turmoil faced by Elizabeth and Luke. The tension builds as the exorcism unfolds, leading to a climactic moment of uncertainty and revelation.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh takes on familiar themes of exorcism and spiritual warfare, with unique character dynamics and intense emotional stakes. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions of the characters are driven by complex motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, especially Kyrel, Elizabeth, and Luke, are well-developed and showcase a range of emotions from fear to hope to desperation. Their interactions and reactions drive the narrative forward and create a sense of depth and complexity.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes a significant change during the exorcism, confronting his inner demons and facing the consequences of his possession. Elizabeth and Luke also experience emotional growth and transformation as they grapple with the supernatural forces at play.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to confront his inner demons and come to terms with his past actions and guilt. He struggles with feelings of unworthiness and the belief that he is beyond redemption.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to rid himself of the demon that has possessed him and to protect those around him from harm. He is facing a literal battle against evil forces.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the internal conflict of Kyrel, the external conflict of the exorcism, and the emotional conflict between the characters driving the narrative forward. The stakes are raised as the characters confront the demonic presence within Kyrel.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a powerful demonic force that threatens their lives and souls. The outcome is uncertain, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing the threat of demonic possession, the risk of losing Kyrel to darkness, and the possibility of salvation and redemption. The outcome of the exorcism has profound implications for the characters and their relationships.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by resolving the conflict of Kyrel's possession and setting the stage for further developments in the narrative. The exorcism serves as a pivotal moment that propels the characters into new challenges and revelations.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the exorcism ritual, the supernatural events, and the characters' reactions to the demonic presence.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the nature of good and evil, the existence of demons, and the power of faith. Kyrel and Elizabeth grapple with questions of morality, spirituality, and the supernatural.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with moments of fear, desperation, hope, and relief evoking strong emotions in the audience. The intense emotional journey of the characters adds depth and resonance to the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is tense, emotional, and impactful, reflecting the internal struggles and conflicts of the characters. The exchanges between the characters during the exorcism add depth and intensity to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, supernatural elements, and emotional depth. The stakes are high, and the conflict is gripping.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, leading to a climactic resolution of the exorcism ritual.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a build-up of tension leading to the climax of the exorcism.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the exorcism process and the outcome. The sequence of events during the exorcism is confusing and disjointed, making it difficult for the audience to follow.
  • The dialogue between the characters feels forced and lacks depth. There is a lack of emotional connection and authenticity in the interactions, especially during such a pivotal moment like an exorcism.
  • The visual elements of the scene could be enhanced to create a more immersive and engaging experience for the audience. The description of the supernatural occurrences could be more vivid and impactful.
  • The resolution of the exorcism is abrupt and unclear. The aftermath of the exorcism, with Kyrel's charred arm and the characters' reactions, needs more development and explanation.
  • The scene could benefit from more tension and suspense leading up to the exorcism, as well as a clearer resolution to the conflict between Kyrel and the demon possessing him.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the sequence of events during the exorcism to make it more coherent and engaging for the audience.
  • Focus on improving the authenticity and emotional depth of the dialogue between the characters, especially during intense moments like an exorcism.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid and immersive experience for the audience, particularly during supernatural occurrences.
  • Develop the aftermath of the exorcism more thoroughly, explaining the consequences of the process and the characters' reactions in more detail.
  • Build more tension and suspense leading up to the exorcism, and ensure a clearer resolution to the conflict between Kyrel and the demon possessing him.



Scene 34 -  Back to Reality
EXT. HEAVEN - DAY

Combat: ANGELS OF LIGHT against the red-tinged "DARK" ANGELS.
Kyrel fights one-on-one with RAPHAEL, Angel of Light, who's
clearly stronger. CLANK, CLANK.

LUKE (V.O.)
Come to our assistance, Michael, to
banish Kyrel from the body of Cyrus."

EXT. HELL - NIGHT

THUD. Kyrel hits the fiery landscape. He rips away the snake
from his body, scans with eyes of green...

ELIZABETH (V.O.)
"As wax melts before the fire, let
him flee at the presence of God."
85.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM (BACK TO SCENE)

To Kyrel, the VOICES of Arthel, Elizabeth and Luke roar back
into consciousness.

ARTHEL
Most cunning serpent, you shall no
longer fill this body. Be gone.

ELIZABETH LUKE
We drive you from us, We drive you from us, Kyrel,
Kyrel, unclean spirit... unclean spirit...

Light bulbs pop. The screen on the TV shatters in sparkling
shards of plastic -- within the pieces, images of snarling
beasts in a feast of flesh and blood.

A blinding flash of light.

EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - PORCH - MORNING

The sunrise glares through trees of oak and pine.

Elizabeth carries her Bible as she pushes out, followed by
Kyrel, who lets the door SLAM behind him. His green eyes
flicker, turn brown.

ELIZABETH
Maybe my faith is less than I thought.

Awkward at first Kyrel holds her while she cries.

KYREL
I could feel evil leaving, but not
from me. From Cyrus.

Elizabeth turns white from realization of what that means.

ELIZABETH
What if there's nothing left of him?
What if he's already...

Her CELL PHONE RINGS.

ELIZABETH (INTO PHONE)
Mandy, are you okay?... Gracious,
I'm so glad you did... You saw clouds
that looked like what?...
86.

Elizabeth heads inside. The SLAM of the screen door leaves
Kyrel alone on the porch.

He sits, closes his eyes.

KYREL
(sotto)
'Cause the way you hold me, hold me,
hold me, hold me. Feels so holy,
holy, holy, holy... Oh, God!

SOUNDS OF: GLASS BREAKS, METAL BENDS, AIRBAGS INFLATE.

Slashes of blue lightning spear over the porch in fierce but
nondescript chaos. The SLAM of the screen door startles
Kyrel's eyes open.

No one at the door. A breeze RUSTLES through the trees. Kyrel
notices a shape at the pen which houses the sheep...

Ruth.

Kyrel charges, fists clenched. The closer he gets to her,
the faster he moves.

Ready to bash Ruth's hated face. He freezes just short, scans
the sheep pen, fingers ready to grab her throat.

KYREL
If you hurt those babies...

RUTH
The devil made me do it.

He shoves past her.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Supernatural","Drama"]

Summary Banished from Cyrus' body by angels and thrown into Hell, Kyrel finds himself back in his own living room. Haunted by the voices of his loved ones trying to expel him, he is physically pushed out of his house by Elizabeth. Alone on the porch, Kyrel experiences visions of Cyrus and a car crash. Disturbed by a shadowy figure in the sheep pen, he charges towards it, believing it to be Ruth, but stops himself just before reaching her. This confrontation leaves the scene ending with an ominous tension as Kyrel grapples with the consequences of Cyrus' exorcism and Ruth's potential threat to the sheep.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Emotional depth
  • Spiritual themes
  • Mystery
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Some elements may be confusing for the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and impactful, with a compelling mix of intense action, emotional depth, and spiritual themes. The battle between light and darkness, both externally and internally, adds layers of complexity and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a supernatural battle between angels and demons, as well as the internal struggle of the characters, is well-executed and adds depth to the scene. The spiritual themes and emotional resonance enhance the overall impact.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the conflict between the characters and the supernatural forces at play. The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters and their internal struggles, setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the battle between good and evil, with unique supernatural elements and authentic character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their internal conflicts are effectively portrayed. The emotional depth and complexity of their relationships add depth to the scene and drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes during the scene, particularly in terms of their beliefs, emotions, and relationships. The internal struggles and external conflicts lead to growth and development for the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal is to rid himself of the evil presence within him and protect those he cares about. This reflects his deeper desire for redemption and to overcome his inner demons.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to save Cyrus from the evil presence and ensure his safety. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the characters, the supernatural forces, and their internal struggles creates a high level of tension and drama in the scene. The battle between light and darkness adds an intense and engaging element to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kyrel facing internal and external challenges that drive the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the battle between light and darkness, the characters' internal struggles, and the supernatural forces at play create a sense of urgency and importance in the scene. The outcome will have significant consequences for the characters and the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information, developing the characters, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions. It advances the plot and builds suspense for the audience.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the supernatural events and unexpected character actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the battle between good and evil, as represented by the angels of light and dark. This challenges Kyrel's beliefs and values, as he struggles to overcome the darkness within him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with moments of fear, confusion, relief, and sadness. The characters' internal struggles and the intense battle between angels and demons evoke powerful emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters, as well as the spiritual and supernatural elements of the scene. It could be further enhanced by adding more depth and complexity to the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, supernatural elements, and emotional character interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing action, dialogue, and introspective moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a dramatic battle in Heaven between Angels of Light and Dark Angels, setting a high-stakes tone. However, the transition to Kyrel falling into Hell feels abrupt and lacks a smooth connection to the previous action.
  • The dialogue between Arthel, Elizabeth, and Luke during the exorcism lacks depth and emotional impact. It feels somewhat generic and could benefit from more specific and character-driven interactions.
  • The visual elements of the scene, such as the shattering TV screen and the blinding flash of light, are intriguing but may need more context or symbolism to enhance their impact on the audience.
  • The character development of Kyrel and Elizabeth in this scene feels limited. More exploration of their emotions, motivations, and internal conflicts could add depth and complexity to their interactions.
  • The introduction of Ruth at the end of the scene feels somewhat forced and may benefit from a smoother integration into the narrative to maintain the flow of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the transition between the battle in Heaven and Kyrel falling into Hell to create a more seamless connection between the two events.
  • Enhance the dialogue during the exorcism to reflect the unique dynamics between the characters and add emotional depth to their interactions.
  • Provide additional context or symbolism for the visual elements in the scene to enhance their significance and impact on the audience.
  • Explore the internal struggles and growth of Kyrel and Elizabeth further to create more compelling character arcs and relationships.
  • Integrate the introduction of Ruth more organically into the narrative to maintain the coherence and pacing of the story.



Scene 35 -  Temptation in the Lamb Pen
INT. LAMB ENCLOSURE - DAY

Kyrel squints in the dark toward a clump of white.

Kyrel falls to his knees and the 2 lamb babies climb into
his lap. BLEAT. BLEAT. BAAAA. In the near dark, Ruth steps
through the door.

RUTH
You could've killed me.

KYREL
Murder is wrong.
87.

RUTH
Now you tell me.

Ruth waves in dismissal, but her face betrays a doubt.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Kyrel fills a bottle with a lamb milk/colostrum liquid,
nervously peers out the window. He screws on the nipple,
tests the temperature on his wrist.

EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - DAY

Bottle in hand, Kyrel hurries toward the pen, where -- his
face molds into astonishment: Ruth pets the babies.

EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - BACKYARD PEN - DAY

Kyrel feeds the 1st lambkin. Ruth pulls the 2nd on her lap.

RUTH
South Carolina.

KYREL
What about it?

RUTH
Columbia, Greenville, Charleston.
Five, six million for you to violate.
The devil's not stupid. He realizes
he needs to deal.

Kyrel spears her with a glare.

RUTH
(sweetening the deal)
Twice as many greater and lesser
demons under you, a huge leap in the
hierarchy.

KYREL
Why couldn't I be exorcized?

Her hand stop loving on the lamb baby.

RUTH
You really wouldn't kill me?
88.

KYREL
We don't have to spend eternity doing
wrong. We can make children smile
instead of being afraid. We can
change. I have changed.

Ruth seems to consider. Then, her face hardens like a cell
door slammed shut.

RUTH
He shouldn't have trusted you in the
first place. Satan knew, if the one-
whose-name-I-won't-say saves you,
we're set back a 1000 years.

KYREL
"Saves me"?

Ruth wags a finger at him.

RUTH
Why should Lucifer care about one
stupid dark angel -- one of the first
to sentence themselves to death.
Embarrassing but, who cares? You go
free if you help nail Elizabeth.

She clutches an imaginary something in her fist, "throws
away" what's in it.

RUTH
But if you want to give Little Orphan
Annie and Luke Skywalker back their
home, and Eliza Doolittle her
husband...

Ruth points up, transforms the gesture to air quotes.

RUTH
"He, who cannot lie, is really a
bigger liar than the Dark One." Simply
say those words at church service.

KYREL
And the lie shall set me free?

RUTH
Better still, say it to the news.

Kyrel glances up -- a questioning expression on his face.
He's by himself. The SOUND OF TIRES on the gravel driveway.
89.

Kyrel peeks over at a van with a satellite tower.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Horror","Drama"]

Summary Kyrel is caring for the baby lambs when Ruth approaches him with a tempting offer to betray Elizabeth in exchange for power and freedom. Despite his inner conflict, Kyrel is left alone to contemplate his choices as a news van arrives, adding suspense to his decision.
Strengths
  • Tense dialogue
  • Complex character motivations
  • Intriguing supernatural elements
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more concise
  • Pacing may be slow in parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and introduces a high-stakes situation with moral implications. The dialogue is engaging, and the presence of supernatural elements adds intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a demon trying to strike a deal with a fallen angel to save a loved one is compelling and adds layers to the characters' motivations.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as Kyrel is faced with a difficult decision that could have significant consequences for himself and Elizabeth.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh elements like supernatural beings, moral dilemmas, and conflicting values, adding a unique twist to familiar themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Kyrel and Ruth are well-developed, with conflicting desires and complex motivations driving their actions.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel faces a moral dilemma and must decide whether to betray his principles to save Elizabeth, showcasing a significant character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to resist temptation and stay true to his newfound moral compass. He wants to prove that he has changed and can do good instead of succumbing to evil influences.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to navigate the dangerous situation he finds himself in with Ruth, who presents him with a tempting offer that goes against his values.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Kyrel and Ruth, as well as the internal conflict within Kyrel, creates a sense of urgency and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ruth presenting Kyrel with a difficult choice that challenges his beliefs and values. The audience is left uncertain about how Kyrel will respond and what consequences his decision will have.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Kyrel must choose between his own redemption and saving Elizabeth, with potentially dire consequences either way.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a crucial decision point for Kyrel and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' motivations and actions. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the conflict and the choices the characters will make.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of redemption, temptation, and the nature of good and evil. Kyrel is faced with a choice that challenges his beliefs and values, forcing him to confront his past actions and make a decision that will impact his future.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes conflicting emotions, from tension and fear to hope and desperation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense and impactful, revealing the characters' inner conflicts and driving the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and complex character dynamics. The dialogue and interactions between Kyrel and Ruth keep the audience on edge, wondering how the conflict will be resolved.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions that keep the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and thematic resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is consistent with the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are effectively conveyed through the formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined beats and transitions between locations. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and suspense as the conflict unfolds.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the dynamics between Kyrel and Ruth. The dialogue and actions are somewhat disjointed and could be more cohesive to enhance the tension and conflict.
  • The transition between Kyrel feeding the lambs and Ruth's sudden appearance feels abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The motivations of Ruth and Kyrel are not fully explored or clearly defined, leading to confusion for the audience. Developing their characters and intentions further would add depth to the scene.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Ruth could be more nuanced and impactful to convey the power struggle and moral dilemmas they are facing.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues and descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting, enhancing the atmosphere and tension.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the objectives and motivations of both Kyrel and Ruth to create a more engaging conflict.
  • Smooth out the transition between Kyrel feeding the lambs and Ruth's entrance to improve the pacing of the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Kyrel and Ruth to add depth to their characters and highlight the moral complexities they are grappling with.
  • Consider adding more visual details to paint a vivid picture of the setting and characters, enhancing the overall atmosphere of the scene.



Scene 36 -  Accusations and Faith
EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - DAY

A network NEWSCASTER, late 20s, skirt and suit jacket, jumps
from the TV van, followed by a CAMERAMAN, 20s.

NEWSCASTER
Cyrus Howell? You ready for trouble?

KYREL
Huh?

Newscaster points to the street, where about 30 people mill
with anti-Cyrus placards.

NEWSCASTER
They almost beat us here. How do you
feel about the violence in your name?

KYREL
What violence?

Newscaster whips out her cell phone, hits Play.

VIDEO: Roving mobs brawl with punches and pro-Cyrus/pro-Jesus
and pro-Satan placards. Police intervene but are overwhelmed.

NEWSCASTER (V.O.)
Eight PM, your time. The satanists
charged the God lovers.

(BACK TO SCENE)

KYREL
Eight o'clock?

NEWSCASTER
Pastor, will you claim, on camera,
to be possessed by evil?

KYREL
"Say it on the news."

NEWSCASTER
Word for word, no edits.
90.

KYREL
(his eyes flash green)
If you're not off this property in
60 seconds, you'll feel an edit.

Newscaster and Cameraman turn back to back to plan a retreat.

MATCH CUT

INT. HOLY TRINITY GREEK ORTHODOX CHURCH - DAY

Adam and Eve, naked and ashamed, backs turned toward each
other. Below this image, Father Draco slips in next to Kyrel.

FATHER DRACO
Back for the playoffs?

KYREL
(re: Adam and Eve)
They lost in the 2nd inning.

Both men take a moment to view the religious panels.

FATHER DRACO
Behind the beauty and pageant here
are men who pray, who dream, who
tuck into pillows at night, who make
mistakes. You want some advice?

KYREL
You're about to shove it at me.

FATHER DRACO
Why did God not want Adam to eat
from the tree of good and evil?

KYREL
Obedience.

FATHER DRACO
Like a child who thinks they're wiser,
Adam's refusal to listen led to
unintended consequences.

KYREL
Like getting thrown out of Eden.

Rattled, Kyrel stares at Draco eye-to-eye.
91.

FATHER DRACO
I think, what you want, my son, is
impossible.

KYREL
"Impossible" is Satan's favorite
word.

Draco straightens Kyrel's collar, drops his hands away.

FATHER DRACO
Do you know Jesus's favorite?

KYREL
I tried not to listen.

FATHER DRACO
Jesus' favorite word is "faith."
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Fantasy"]

Summary Kyrel is confronted by a newscaster who blames him for violent riots, leading to escalating tension. Seeking solace, he enters a church and engages in a philosophical discussion with Father Draco about the story of Adam and Eve, culminating in a subtle message about the importance of faith in the face of adversity.
Strengths
  • Intriguing plot twists
  • Tense dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing without prior context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is engaging and full of tension, with a mix of supernatural elements and moral dilemmas that keep the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of possession, exorcism, and dealing with demonic forces is well-executed and adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 8

The plot is intricate and filled with twists and turns, especially with the introduction of Lucifer and the bargaining for Elizabeth's freedom.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the conflict between media sensationalism and religious integrity, blending elements of suspense and moral ambiguity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are complex and face internal and external conflicts, adding depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

Kyrel undergoes a significant internal struggle and realization, leading to potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and assert his authority in the face of media scrutiny and potential manipulation. This reflects his deeper need for control and integrity in his beliefs and actions.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal in this scene is to protect his reputation and image in the midst of a media ambush. He must navigate the tricky situation without compromising his values or succumbing to pressure.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high, with internal struggles, supernatural battles, and moral dilemmas creating intense moments.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and goals between the characters. Kyrel faces external pressure and manipulation from the Newscaster, creating a compelling obstacle for him to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with the characters facing moral dilemmas, supernatural threats, and personal sacrifices that could change their lives forever.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, resolutions, and revelations, pushing the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the conflict will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between media sensationalism and religious integrity. The Newscaster represents the desire for scandal and controversy, while Kyrel embodies the struggle for authenticity and moral values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to relief to sorrow, keeping the audience emotionally invested.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and reveals the inner turmoil of the characters, especially during the negotiation with Lucifer.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, moral dilemmas, and high stakes. The conflict between the characters and the suspenseful atmosphere keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' dilemmas. The rhythm of the dialogue and action enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. This enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene, building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a strong visual of a newscaster arriving at Kyrel's house, setting up a conflict between Kyrel and the media regarding the violence associated with his name.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and the newscaster is engaging and reveals Kyrel's confusion and defiance in the face of the accusations.
  • The use of Kyrel's green eyes flashing adds a supernatural element to the scene, enhancing the tension and mystery surrounding his character.
  • Father Draco's appearance at the church introduces a philosophical discussion about obedience, consequences, and faith, adding depth to Kyrel's internal struggle.
  • The scene effectively transitions between the external conflict with the newscaster and the internal conflict within Kyrel, creating a multi-layered narrative.
  • Overall, the scene effectively builds suspense and intrigue, setting up further developments in Kyrel's character arc and the external challenges he faces.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual cues or actions to enhance the tension and conflict in the scene, such as Kyrel's body language or reactions to the newscaster's questions.
  • Explore deeper into Kyrel's internal conflict and the philosophical themes introduced by Father Draco, providing more insight into Kyrel's motivations and struggles.
  • Ensure a smooth transition between the external conflict with the newscaster and the internal conflict with Father Draco, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details or atmospheric elements to immerse the audience in the scene, enhancing the emotional impact and suspense.
  • Continue to develop the dynamic between Kyrel and the newscaster, as well as the philosophical discussions with Father Draco, to further engage the audience and drive the plot forward.



Scene 37 -  A Home Under Attack
INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Kyrel at the coffee maker. Elizabeth at the table.

KYREL
Ruth wants your soul.

ELIZABETH
Why?

KYREL
She'll trade mine for yours, and
your babies'.

Kyrel brings her a cup of java.

KYREL
Cream, no sugar.

ELIZABETH
May I pray for you?

He nods, sits.

ELIZABETH
Blessed Father, please help Kyrel,
who you created before us. As all
your children, he stumbled, not
knowing that You wait patiently to
lift him to his feet.
(MORE)
92.

ELIZABETH (CONT'D)
Give Kyrel the eyes to see Your offer,
wisdom to find his way through the
Valley of Shame; and light with Your
mercy his path to return to You. In
Jesus' name, Amen.

KYREL
You've been thinking about that.

EXT. KYREL'S STREET - NIGHT

Trash where the protesters were, but the people are gone.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Kyrel snores softly, curled on the sofa.

EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

Darkened rooms on both floors. A SCARRED HAND ignites a
Molotov cocktail, THUMP. The man throws the bottle.

The fire bomb shatters on the porch steps.

INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Kyrel wakes to the flicker of flame through the window. He
leaps from the sofa.

KYREL
LIZ!

INT./ EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Kyrel rips open the front door. Flames lick the porch.

EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Kyrel grabs a hose, cranks it on to spray water on the fire.

EXT. KYREL'S HOUSE - DAY

The porch, blackened with soot. Sheriff's Deputy pockets his
notebook, turns to Kyrel and Elizabeth; a bandage on one of
Kyrel's forearms.
93.

SHERIFF'S DEPUTY
It could've been worse.

ELIZABETH
Suppose my kids had been home?

Sheriff's Deputy takes an awkward breath.

SHERIFF'S DEPUTY
Gotta wonder if you'd be safer...
(to Kyrel)
...without you around.

Kyrel narrows his eyes.

SHERIFF'S DEPUTY
Threat assessment's what it is.

Sheriff's Deputy hooks a thumb up the driveway.

At the street the PROTESTERS are back, opposed by Pastor
Cyrus SUPPORTERS. Deputies keep the groups apart. A LEAD
PROTESTER points to Kyrel at the house.

LEAD PROTESTER
There he is!
(chanting)
Go home, devil! Go home, devil!

His group joins in.

LEAD PROTESTER GROUP
Go home, devil. Go Go home, devil. Go home,
home, devil. devil.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Kyrel awakens to the sound of shattering glass and flames engulfing his porch. He uses a hose to extinguish the fire but suffers a burn. A Sheriff's Deputy arrives, suggesting Elizabeth's safety would be better ensured without Kyrel. As the scene concludes, a group of protesters reappear, demanding Kyrel return home, leaving him facing an uncertain future.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong emotional impact
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing without prior context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with strong emotional impact and high stakes. The dialogue is engaging, and the conflict is well-developed.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Kyrel facing a moral dilemma and making a deal with Lucifer is intriguing and adds depth to the storyline. The scene effectively explores themes of good versus evil and the consequences of one's choices.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and moves the story forward, with the introduction of a new conflict and the resolution of previous storylines. The scene effectively sets up future events and keeps the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of religious beliefs and community tensions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear. Kyrel's internal struggle and Elizabeth's unwavering support add depth to the scene. The introduction of Lucifer and Ruth as antagonists adds complexity to the character dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

Kyrel undergoes a significant internal change as he grapples with his moral dilemma and makes a deal with Lucifer. Elizabeth remains a steadfast source of support, showcasing her unwavering loyalty and love for Kyrel.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to protect Elizabeth and himself from the threats and dangers they are facing. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal is to put out the fire on his porch and ensure the safety of himself and Elizabeth. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with internal and external conflicts driving the narrative forward. The stakes are high, and the tension is palpable throughout.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with multiple obstacles and challenges for the protagonist to overcome, creating uncertainty and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with Kyrel facing a moral dilemma that could have far-reaching consequences for himself and Elizabeth. The threat of Lucifer and the presence of Ruth add to the sense of danger and urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, resolving previous storylines, and setting up future events. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journeys.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as the firebombing and the confrontation with the protesters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the beliefs of the protesters who see Kyrel as a devil and the values of Elizabeth and Kyrel who believe in prayer and mercy. This challenges Kyrel's beliefs and values as he is faced with hostility from the protesters.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and determination in the characters and the audience. The emotional stakes are high, and the characters' struggles resonate on a deep level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and drives the emotional core of the scene. It effectively conveys the characters' conflicting emotions and motivations, adding depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional intensity, and suspenseful atmosphere created by the writer's voice and the characters' actions.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension leading to a climactic moment, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, enhancing the readability and impact of the dialogue and action.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict leading to a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a strong sense of tension and danger, with the threat of violence looming over Kyrel and Elizabeth's home.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth is cryptic and intriguing, hinting at a deeper conflict and manipulation by Ruth.
  • The prayer offered by Elizabeth adds a layer of spirituality and depth to the scene, highlighting the internal struggles and desires of the characters.
  • The introduction of the Molotov cocktail and the subsequent fire adds a sense of urgency and danger, raising the stakes for Kyrel and Elizabeth.
  • The interaction with the Sheriff's Deputy introduces a new element of conflict and suspicion towards Kyrel, further complicating the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more clarity to the conversation between Kyrel and Elizabeth about Ruth's intentions, to enhance the tension and intrigue.
  • Explore Kyrel's internal conflict and emotional turmoil in more depth, to provide insight into his motivations and struggles.
  • Develop the Sheriff's Deputy character further to create a more nuanced dynamic with Kyrel and Elizabeth, adding complexity to the scene.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the fire and the aftermath to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the audience.
  • Consider foreshadowing or hinting at the potential consequences of the protesters' actions to build anticipation for future conflicts.



Scene 38 -  The Breaking Point
INT. KYREL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

Elizabeth expertly juliennes a red bell pepper. Kyrel chops
celery, his movements oddly precise. He seems tense.

KYREL
I had a dream, or visions.

ELIZABETH
Demons dream?

KYREL
Your husband was in them.

Elizabeth snaps to face Kyrel.
94.

ELIZABETH
Then Cy's alive?

KYREL
(he shrugs)
Last time he "left me," I had a
reminder, that God is a God of love.
But when pushed, He will destroy
evil.

ELIZABETH
Destroy you?

Tense, Kyrel CHOP, CHOPS at the celery.

ELIZABETH
Kyrel--

Kyrel flings the cutting board across the room. Still holding
the knife, his hands tremble. He strides purposefully to the
framed image of the angel, glares at it.

KYREL
So soft, so white, so perfect.

He brandishes the knife -- steps toward Elizabeth, desperation
in his eyes.

KYREL
I have to do this...

Elizabeth stares uneasily at the blade in Kyrel's hand.

KYREL
You, humans, need faith to accept
God. I saw Him. In person, no vision.
He was right there in front of me.
Six million angels singing in glory.
I was there and saw Jesus at God's
right hand. They created me!

Kyrel's hand tightens on the knife. His eyes flash green. He
stares into Elizabeth's eyes, drops the knife and peers up.

KYREL
I can't do this alone. Lord Jesus.
Please help me!

Elizabeth gasps.
95.
Genres: ["Drama","Supernatural","Spiritual"]

Summary Kyrel, increasingly agitated, reveals a vision of God and his belief in a divine mission. As his instability grows, he struggles with his faith and nearly attacks Elizabeth. The scene ends with a desperate plea to Jesus for help, leaving Elizabeth terrified.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional depth
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Exploration of faith and redemption
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is gripping and intense, with strong emotional depth and conflict. It effectively conveys the internal struggle of Kyrel and sets up a high-stakes situation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a possessed character battling with their inner demons and faith is compelling and well-executed. It adds depth to the character and drives the plot forward.

Plot: 8

The plot is engaging and moves forward as Kyrel grapples with his possession and the implications for his relationship with Elizabeth. The tension and stakes are high, keeping the audience invested.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and original elements through its exploration of faith, visions, and supernatural encounters. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, especially Kyrel, who undergoes a significant internal struggle. Elizabeth's reactions add depth to the scene, and the dynamic between the two is compelling.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes a significant internal change as he grapples with his possession and faith. His desperation and conflict drive the character development in the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Kyrel's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his visions and dreams, particularly those involving his deceased husband. His actions and dialogue reveal his struggle with faith, love, and the concept of good versus evil.

External Goal: 7

Kyrel's external goal in this scene is to confront his inner demons and seek guidance from a higher power. He is grappling with the idea of carrying out a potentially destructive act in the name of faith.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and internal, as Kyrel battles with his possession and faith. The stakes are high, with the potential for significant consequences for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kyrel facing internal and external conflicts that challenge his beliefs and values, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Kyrel battles with his possession and faith, with potential consequences for his relationship with Elizabeth and his own soul.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict and internal struggle of Kyrel. It sets up important developments for the plot and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in Kyrel's actions and dialogue, keeping the audience guessing about his intentions and beliefs.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of faith, love, and sacrifice. Kyrel's beliefs are challenged by the possibility of harming someone he cares about in the name of a higher power.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, including fear, confusion, and hope. The intense dialogue and character dynamics create a powerful emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is intense and emotional, effectively conveying the inner turmoil of Kyrel. It adds depth to the characters and drives the conflict forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, dramatic dialogue, and supernatural elements that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional turmoil and moral dilemmas.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and emotional depth. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong visual of Elizabeth juliennes a red bell pepper and Kyrel chopping celery, which sets a domestic tone but quickly shifts to tension with Kyrel's odd precision and tense demeanor.
  • The dialogue between Kyrel and Elizabeth is intriguing as Kyrel mentions having dreams or visions involving Elizabeth's husband, Cy, which raises questions about Cy's fate and Kyrel's connection to him.
  • Kyrel's outburst of flinging the cutting board and brandishing the knife adds a sudden burst of intensity and danger to the scene, creating a sense of unease and suspense.
  • The revelation of Kyrel seeing God in person and witnessing the angels singing in glory is a powerful moment that adds depth to Kyrel's character and hints at a larger spiritual conflict.
  • The scene effectively builds tension and mystery, especially with Kyrel's green-eyed flash and plea for help from Lord Jesus, leaving the audience curious about the direction of the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more context or hints about Kyrel's visions involving Cy to provide clarity and deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Explore Kyrel's internal conflict and struggle with his newfound revelations about God and his purpose, allowing for more character development and complexity.
  • Enhance the visual cues and symbolism in the scene, such as the knife and Kyrel's green-eyed flash, to further emphasize the spiritual and emotional turmoil Kyrel is experiencing.
  • Develop Elizabeth's reactions and responses to Kyrel's revelations to showcase her emotional journey and deepen the connection between the characters.
  • Consider incorporating subtle foreshadowing or hints about the larger spiritual conflict and the implications of Kyrel's visions to build anticipation and intrigue for future developments.



Scene 39 -  The Sandal and the Dream
EXT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - NIGHT

CICADA CHIRPS rise from the bordering woods. Ruth stares in
hatred at the darkened church building.

RUTH
(to "air")
I glory in your anger. Once the
traitor speaks, we'll wait until the
perfect moment, and then, your will
be done, on Earth as it is below.

The CHIRPING GROWS LOUDER until Ruth's face reflects pain.

INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - ASSEMBLY - DAY

Jammed with people. Elizabeth in a front pew. Musicians,
including Gloria, the guitarist, finish up an INSPIRATIONAL
SONG. Luke applauds, adjusts the podium microphone.

LUKE
We have seen in the last weeks, rage
on our doorsteps, a rise in gun sales,
uproar in our hearts, over, "What's
inside us each?"

In the back, TV CAMERAS broadcast every word, large screens
to the sides. Ruth bulls her way into a pew 15 rows back.

INT. UNNAMED FAMILY'S HOME - DAY

DAD and MOM, and 2 PRETEEN CHILDREN watch Luke on TV.
LUKE (ON TV)
Which brings us to the reason our
church cup overflows with inquisitive
minds, and wounded hearts, and hate.

INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - ASSEMBLY - DAY

Arthel glares at Luke and Kyrel from a 3rd row pew.

LUKE
Once I got past the shock of what
Pastor Cyrus claims: that he's evil...

Ruth watches with cold eyes.
96.

LUKE
I saw a gentle soul. One who
sacrifices all he can, for who he
loves. It's my honor...

INT. HOLY TRINITY GREEK ORTHODOX CHURCH - DAY

Father Draco, dressed for services in full vestments and
stole, watches a small TV. On the broadcast, Luke turns to
Kyrel at New World Baptist.

LUKE (ON TV)
Pastor?

INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - ASSEMBLY - DAY

Kyrel comes to the pulpit. Some parishioners hiss and boo.
Others cheer and applaud.

PARISHIONERS (AD LIB)
We love you, Cy./ We don't want you./
Give him a chance./ Go back to hell./
Where's Pastor Cyrus?

A MAN in the crowd throws a dirty sandal at Kyrel, which
Kyrel catches, and gently lays on the podium. Silence spreads
like muddy water. CAMERAS pan the church.

KYREL
Pope Leo 13, witnessed in a dream,
God give Satan a choice of times to
try and destroy His church.
In a center pew, Mary Landry, the reporter, jots down a note.

Network CAMERAS focus on Kyrel, who snakes in a breath.

INTERCUT VARIOUS:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller","Fantasy"]

Summary Ruth, seething with hatred for the New World Baptist Church, watches from outside as Luke delivers a sermon about the controversial Pastor Cyrus. Inside, a mixed crowd reacts to Kyrel joining Luke on the pulpit, some booing, others cheering. The tension explodes when a man throws a sandal at Kyrel, but Kyrel calmly catches it, silencing the crowd. He then begins to speak about a dream Pope Leo 13 had about Satan's attempts to destroy the church, leaving the audience in suspense.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Supernatural elements
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be confusing without prior context

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and mystery, with strong character dynamics and engaging dialogue. The supernatural elements add depth to the plot, keeping the audience intrigued and invested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a possessed pastor struggling with his faith and facing supernatural forces is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively explores themes of good versus evil and the complexities of belief.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through the revelation of Kyrel's possession and the conflict surrounding it. The scene sets up further developments in the story, particularly in terms of the characters' relationships and the supernatural elements at play.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh conflicts and power dynamics within a religious community, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward. Kyrel's internal struggle, Elizabeth's support, and Ruth's malevolent presence create a dynamic and engaging dynamic.

Character Changes: 8

Kyrel undergoes significant changes in the scene, grappling with his possession, his faith, and his relationships. Elizabeth also experiences growth as she supports Kyrel and confronts the supernatural forces at play.

Internal Goal: 8

Ruth's internal goal is to seek revenge and assert her power within the community. Her hatred and desire for control are evident in her dialogue and actions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to manipulate the situation to her advantage and gain control over the church and its members.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from Kyrel's struggle with his possession to the tension between the characters. The presence of supernatural entities adds an additional layer of conflict and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, motivations, and actions creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with Kyrel's soul and the fate of those around him hanging in the balance. The presence of supernatural entities and the characters' personal struggles raise the tension and importance of the events unfolding.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about Kyrel's possession, setting up future conflicts and developments. The interactions between the characters drive the narrative and build suspense for the audience.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics, conflicting beliefs, and unexpected actions of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of power, control, and belief systems. Ruth's actions challenge the traditional values of the church and the community.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and fear to hope and uncertainty. The characters' struggles and revelations resonate with the audience, creating a sense of emotional investment in the story.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is impactful and thought-provoking, delving into deep themes of faith, sacrifice, and betrayal. The exchanges between the characters reveal their motivations and inner conflicts, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense conflicts, emotional stakes, and unpredictable developments.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, with clear character motivations and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The transition from Ruth's intense hatred outside the church to Luke's sermon inside feels abrupt and disjointed. There needs to be a smoother connection between the two scenes to maintain the flow of the story.
  • The introduction of Ruth's character and her motivations could be more clearly established to provide context for her actions and intentions. This will help the audience better understand her role in the narrative.
  • The dialogue between Luke and the parishioners lacks depth and complexity. It would be beneficial to add more layers to the interactions to make them more engaging and realistic.
  • The scene lacks a clear focus on Kyrel's internal struggles and conflicts. It would be beneficial to delve deeper into his emotional turmoil and the choices he is facing to create a more compelling and relatable character arc.
  • The visual descriptions could be enhanced to create a more vivid and immersive setting for the audience. Adding more sensory details and vivid imagery will help bring the scene to life.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the transition between Ruth's scene outside the church and Luke's sermon inside to create a more seamless connection. This could involve incorporating elements that bridge the two settings or characters.
  • Develop Ruth's character further by providing more insight into her backstory, motivations, and goals. This will add depth to her character and make her actions more impactful and meaningful.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Luke and the parishioners by adding layers of complexity, subtext, and emotional depth. This will make the interactions more engaging and realistic, drawing the audience into the scene.
  • Focus on exploring Kyrel's internal struggles and conflicts more deeply to create a compelling character arc. Dive into his emotional turmoil, doubts, and decisions to make his journey more relatable and engaging for the audience.
  • Improve the visual descriptions by incorporating more sensory details, vivid imagery, and atmospheric elements to enhance the setting and immerse the audience in the scene.



Scene 40 -  The Demon's Redemption
INT. UPSCALE BAR - DAY

CUSTOMERS glue to multiple TV screens.

KYREL (ON TV)
The Serpent ordered legions of fallen
angels to pickpocket faith from God's
children.
97.

INT. UNNAMED FAMILY'S HOME - DAY

A 16-YEAR-OLD BOY joins the Dad, Mom, and Preteens to view
Kyrel on the TV.

KYREL (V.O.)
The devil assigned me to tempt your
pastors to take tiny deviations from
scripture...

INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - ASSEMBLY - DAY

Kyrel leans forward.

KYREL
A few words a day until your leaders
preach that God doesn't care.

In a balcony a MAN WITH SHORT HAIR sneaks a gun from under
his shirt. A marginally visible bird-like demon perches in
and over him, like movement at the edge of one's vision,
easily missed.

INT. HOLY TRINITY GREEK ORTHODOX CHURCH - DAY

An ALTER BOY pushes through the door, rushes to Father Draco
at the TV.

KYREL (V.O.)
So you sit, clucking; that the Lord
no longer performs miracles.

FATHER DRACO
Holy Mother of God.

ALTER BOY
(to Draco)
Father, it's time.

INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - ASSEMBLY - DAY

Elizabeth gives Kyrel a nod of encouragement. His eyes flash
green. The churchgoers close enough to see, gasp. Kyrel's
back stiffens.

KYREL
I was there when Jesus went to
Lazarus, "But Lord, he stinks."
98.

Ruth flicks a finger, as if whipping Kyrel with razor-sharp
barbs. Kyrel winces and a slash of blood appears.

AUDIENCE MEMBERS who see the red liquid lean forward in
anxiety to view, another lash. More blood.

KYREL
My God, what power. To raise His
friend from the dead. We -- the
devil's team -- were losing.

Man With Short Hair cocks the gun hammer.

Mary surveys the church in fascination.

INT. UNNAMED FAMILY'S HOME - DAY

Enthralled, the family of 5 watch the BROADCAST.

KYREL (V.O.)
I witnessed the Jews beat the apostles
in Thessalonica. We -- the devil's
team -- had a good day.

INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - ASSEMBLY - DAY

Kyrel's gaze rakes the congregation.

KYREL
I see good people. You, miss, who
gave a neighbor bags of food from
your garden. What a perfect gift.
Several people stand in place, unsure what to think about
Kyrel's sermon.

KYREL
You, ma'am, who helped the gentleman
who fell in the Costco parking lot.
Good for you, to help the least around
you.

As Kyrel scans the church, he squints as some parishioners
seem to have low-level spots of light on them, while others
appears cloaked with darkness.

KYREL
But you, sir, who cheated on your
wife. You, son, who broke the school
window.
99.

A BOY looks at his parents to see if he's been "caught." A
vague child-like devil claws into his head.

KYREL
What were you thinking?

Ruth's "whip" misses Kyrel, chips a piece from the pulpit.

KYREL
Our team helped you make those choices
and wrap your descent with gospel
music and tithe envelopes.

Mary exchanges glances with some parishioners.

Ruth shouts out...

RUTH
Where's God? He desert you?

KYREL
I'm wondering the same thing!

Kyrel exudes an aura of light around his body in contrast to
the blood spots and red-stained podium.

KYREL
There's a beauty about every one of
you. No wonder God loves you. But
Christ gave you all, abilities to
heal. To cast out demons. To pray.
So, why don't you do it?

At the far side of the crowd, the scarred hand which threw
the MOLOTOV cocktail at Kyrel's porch, pulls out a rag-fused
bottle of brownish liquid... and a pack of matches. Vaguely-
seen red and orange impressionist devils hover near.

Kyrel aims his words directly at "Molotov."

KYREL
You, sir, who feel guilty your son
died, and would now burn evil from
the world. We planted that guilt.
Wake up, that's not you, that's me.

Molotov lowers the gas bomb in his hand -- the impressionist
figures grow even more invisible.

Kyrel picks up the sandal.
100.

KYREL
Does evil deserve to have rotten
shoes thrown at it?
(nods)
Am I worthy to live and prosper among
you? Then do something about it.

Man with Short Hair points his gun at Kyrel -- no one seems
to notice except, Kyrel aims a finger right back.

KYREL
But you can't fight a spiritual war,
with physical means.

A MAN WITH SIMILAR CLOTHES as Short Hair pushes the gun toward
the ground.

Kyrel faces Elizabeth, on the edge of her seat, brow furrowed.

KYREL
Am I sorry for what I've done? Oh,
God, yes. Would I give this body
back to its rightful owner?

A gentle breeze wafts through Elizabeth's hair. Twenty rows
behind her, a figure cloaked in white hovers.

Kyrel faces a cross.

KYREL
Lord, I betrayed You -- there's
nothing I can do to earn the
forgiveness I want so badly.

Molotov cringes in empathy.

Kyrel's glare wasps to Ruth. Her body darkens to sickly green.

KYREL
So that now I command every demon
within the sound of my voice to leave.

Ruth's body shatters... and disappears. PEOPLE near her cry
out in shock. From them appear more and more gauzy devils --
felt more than seen.

Kyrel points at Arthel.

KYREL
Leave quietly now, all evil! I throw
you out! OUT! OUT!
101.

Arthel turns dark, cringes in pain.

ARTHEL
Stop! Please!

KYREL
Out! In the name of Jesus.

The tattooed "Jesus" on Arthel's face bursts into flame.
Arthel screams... And shatters into a rain of molecules.

Mary watches wide-eyed as Arthel's molecules drop to dust
plumes on the carpet. Kyrel aims a comment to her:

KYREL
He thought he fooled me, but I knew.
(to the church)
You, God's children, have the power,
the authority, through the eyes of
faith, to banish your demons.

The ground shakes. An UNSEEN FIRE POPS AND CRACKLES.

KYREL
By the power of Christ, who died by
nails, so that you don't have to --
each of you, rise from the dark and
tell the demon within you to leave!
Now! Tell that spirit to go!

A WOMAN IN THE 2ND ROW, screams out.

WOMAN IN 2ND ROW
Leave, foul demon, I command you to
leave me.
(deeper voice)
No!
(normal voice)
Leave me, in the name of Jesus Christ!

A vague figure rises from her and dissembles to nothing.
Thirty rows back a pair of white figures float in mid-air.

KYREL
Who's next? Rise and throw off your
demons.

A YOUNG MAN stands.
102.

YOUNG MAN
OUT! I bind you through the stripes
of Jesus!

KYREL
Take back your authority!

A hideous, indefinite figure, breaks above the Young Man,
grabs him by the throat.

YOUNG MAN
Leave me! Leave me!

Despite the invisible choking grip, Young Man continues, and
Kyrel joins in...

KYREL
I command you to leave this man. By
the body of Christ!

YOUNG MAN
Leave me! Get out!

The demon loses his grip and flies into nothingness.

KYREL
Next to you: your brothers and
sisters, help them! Loose their
tormentors.

More and more, barely-seen demon figures appear.

A HALF DOZEN PEOPLE in the center section get to their feet.
Unsure what to do, several turn to those next to them.

FIRST PERSON
(at 4th person)
By the blood of Jesus...

SECOND PERSON
(at 5th person)
Demon, I bind you from causing harm...

FIRST PERSON THIRD PERSON
I order you to leave... Get out of me, demon.
Leave!...

KYREL
Claim the authority that He gave
you. Claim your right...
103.

In a swell of words, all 6 command out their own demons or
those from their friends.

SIX PEOPLE
(ad lib)
Leave, demon. Out!/ Get out!/ You
have no right to be here./ Leave her
be! In the name of Christ.

Wisps of demons pop from their hosts.

KYREL
God is in control, and thus are you.

A DOZEN PARISHIONERS throughout the church stand.

TALL PARISHIONER
I claim my power.

THIN PARISHIONER
Jesus gives me authority.

KYREL
Stand!

TWENTY PEOPLE throughout the church talk at once, ad lib
praising God, claim their rights, banish creatures.

KYREL
Get up. Rise up. Wake up!

THIRTY MORE stand and cry out.

PERSON 15
Praise Jesus.

PERSON 16
Leave, foul creatures!

The verbal noise level rises. More white figures appear.

PERSON 17
I claim my health.

Molotov stands straight.

MOLOTOV
Give me back my joy!

A barely-visible demon pops from him, and disappears.
104.

All over the church, almost-obscure demons vibrate.

Light washes parishioners. Legions of imperceptible demons
burst toward the exit, crash open the doors and blow away.

A HEAVYSET WOMAN ad-lib-orders a creature to leave.

HEAVYSET WOMAN
Leave by the power of Christ.

A YOUNG FATHER places his hands on his DAUGHTER's head.

YOUNG FATHER
By the power of Jesus, be gone, demon!

Short Hair lays his firearm on the ground.

SHORT HAIR
Praise the Lord.

FORTY FOLKS raise their hands toward heaven. They groan,
they cry, they laugh.

Shouts, and wails and praise vibrate the pews. Elizabeth
takes a step toward Kyrel.

KYREL
(to Elizabeth)
Here I am, in the body of the husband
of this beautiful woman, this servant
of God.

Kyrel falls to his knees, raises his hands to Heaven.

KYREL
Take me, Lord. Banish me to the dark
and give this woman back her man.

ELIZABETH
Leave, Kyrel. I order you in the
mighty name of Jesus Christ

KYREL
Please God! Please Lord. Take me.

The church walls trembles. Parishioners rise, hold hands in
the air. Spiritual smoke whirls through the building.

Parishioners stream into the aisles.
105.

KYREL
I release my sins to Jesus.

ELIZABETH
Leave, Kyrel, go to the Lord.

Kyrel bleeds from the nose, his eyes. Mary records video on
her phone.

KYREL
Please strike me from this body into
the depths where I belong.

ELIZABETH
Be gone, demon. Lord, take him as a
baby angel.

Kyrel claws his way to his feet, reaches high.

KYREL
I miss you, Father! I want to come
home!

Kyrel's body arches like an epileptic.

KYREL
Jesus, save me from eternal damnation.
I accept you as my Savior.

Kyrel, the demon form, rises up, dark, menacing and solid.
And then... Kyrel's body's bandaged arm glows translucent.
Blue lightning rushes out his fingers.

HE SEES the Angel Raphael float near the back of the church.

Kyrel's torso transforms from dark to light. The light absorbs
the spiritual spots of blood.

Blue specks flee from his face. His skin brightens. His body
becomes a blinding light which jumps to his demon form and
clarifies its scarred skin.

The entire church stares in wonder. Everything brightens.

White angels ring the church. Parishioners erupt in cheers
and praise and applause.

Tears flow from Elizabeth.

Kyrel's light explodes through the ceiling.
106.
Genres: ["Fantasy","Religious","Drama"]

Summary During a sermon at the New World Baptist church, Kyrel, a demon possessing a man's body, preaches about the devil's influence and encourages the congregation to confront their inner demons. While Kyrel is tormented by another demon, Ruth, the Holy Spirit guides the parishioners to acknowledge and banish their own demons. As the congregation's faith prevails, Kyrel declares his own sinfulness and pleads for forgiveness. The church fills with light, angels appear, and demons flee. Kyrel is redeemed, his body glowing with light before exploding through the ceiling, leaving the congregation filled with awe and joy.
Strengths
  • Powerful emotional impact
  • Innovative concept of mass exorcism
  • Deep exploration of spiritual themes
Weaknesses
  • Potential for the scene to become overly dramatic or preachy if not handled carefully

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, emotionally charged, and pivotal in the story's progression. It effectively conveys themes of redemption and spiritual warfare.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a mass exorcism where parishioners are empowered to confront and banish their own demons is innovative and engaging. It adds depth to the religious and supernatural elements of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the intense exorcism and the protagonist's transformation from darkness to light. It moves the story forward significantly and sets the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh and unique take on the exorcism and spiritual awakening narrative, blending elements of religious conflict, supernatural beings, and personal redemption. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Kyrel and Elizabeth, undergo significant emotional and spiritual growth in this scene. Their interactions and actions drive the narrative and reveal their inner struggles and strengths.

Character Changes: 9

Several characters, especially Kyrel, undergo significant changes during the scene. Kyrel's transformation from darkness to light symbolizes his journey towards redemption and spiritual growth.

Internal Goal: 9

Kyrel's internal goal is to confront his past sins and seek redemption. He grapples with guilt, regret, and a desire to be free from the demonic influence that has plagued him.

External Goal: 8

Kyrel's external goal is to exorcise the demons from the parishioners and show them the power of faith. He aims to bring about a spiritual awakening and confront the evil forces at play.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between good and evil, both external and internal, is palpable throughout the scene. The intense spiritual battle and the characters' struggles add depth and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Kyrel facing internal and external challenges that test his faith, resolve, and ability to confront evil forces. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters confront their inner demons and engage in a spiritual battle for redemption and salvation. The outcome of the exorcism has significant consequences for the characters and the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by resolving the conflict between Kyrel and the demons, setting the stage for further developments in the narrative. It also deepens the characters' arcs and relationships.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in Kyrel's exorcism and spiritual transformation. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the battle between good and evil, faith and doubt, redemption and damnation. Kyrel challenges the beliefs and values of the parishioners, urging them to confront their inner demons and embrace their faith.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of hope, empowerment, and redemption. The dramatic transformation of the protagonist and the parishioners' confrontation of their demons create a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is impactful and serves to convey the intense emotions and spiritual themes of the scene. It effectively showcases the characters' beliefs, conflicts, and resolutions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional stakes, supernatural elements, and dramatic conflict. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in Kyrel's journey towards redemption.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of spiritual transformation. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the dramatic and spiritual elements of the story.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that builds tension and drama effectively, leading to a climactic moment of spiritual transformation. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene is filled with intense and dramatic moments, but it may benefit from some clarity and focus in the storytelling.
  • There are many characters and subplots introduced in a short span of time, which can make it challenging for the audience to keep track of all the developments.
  • The transition between different locations and characters could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The visual elements, such as the barely-visible demons and the spiritual smoke, could be more clearly described to create a vivid and immersive experience for the audience.
  • The dialogue and actions of the characters could be more nuanced and layered to add depth to the scene and the overall story.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the scene by focusing on the most essential elements and characters to avoid overwhelming the audience.
  • Provide more context and background information to help the audience understand the significance of the events unfolding in the scene.
  • Work on creating a more cohesive and seamless transition between different locations and characters to maintain the audience's engagement.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to paint a clearer picture of the supernatural elements and create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Refine the dialogue and character interactions to add complexity and depth to the scene, making it more engaging and impactful.



Scene 41 -  The Aftermath
EXT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - DAY

Kyrel, bathed in light, peers down at the church 100 feet
below. He continues up, scores of angels as escorts.

Below them, all of South Carolina,

North America,

The World spins through space.

INT. NEW WORLD BAPTIST - ASSEMBLY - DAY

Kyrel/Cyrus totters toward the lip of the stage. Raphael
prevents him from collapsing, lets him easily to the floor.
Raphael smiles, disappears, apparently seen by no one.

Elizabeth charges forward, strokes Cyrus' face, his hair.

ELIZABETH
Cy?... Kyrel?

No response.

ELIZABETH
Cyrus? Please answer me.

His eyes slide open. Elizabeth gasps, unsure... He glances
at her, at the parishioners, at Luke...

ELIZABETH
Cy?

He gives a short groan.

ELIZABETH
Kyrel? Who are you?

CYRUS
Your husband.

Cyrus runs his fingers through his hair. His loving, brown
eyes gaze up at her. Elizabeth collapses onto him, cries.

Luke grins. The chaos of prayer and praise and banishing of
demons continues around them.
107.

INT. CLEMSON BEE - DAY

Mary watches a monitor on which a video from the church plays,
and a REPORTER speaks.

REPORTER (ON TV)
...at that point the church
transformed in a display that analysts
have yet to agree on: atmospheric
disturbance? A freak electrical
discharge? Or, the hand of God?

Mary bows her head in prayer.

INT. CYRUS' HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Elizabeth, Amanda and John at the dinner table, with Cyrus,
who finishes Grace.

CYRUS
...In Jesus' name, amen.

AMANDA JOHN
Amen. Amen.

ELIZABETH
Amen.

Elizabeth touches her stomach -- Cyrus locks eyes on hers.

AMANDA
Daddy, tell us what happened.

CYRUS
God asked me to trust Him.

JOHN
So you did? Duh.

CYRUS
He gives us chances, sometimes we
ignore His "suggestions."

John frowns -- takes a moment to continue:

JOHN
That is so cool: a demon in my dad.

ELIZABETH
Trust Him how?
108.

CYRUS
God trapped Kyrel inside me. To wake
people up, to believe Him, not what
they see. Even me. To believe God
and His word.

For a moment, the family is silent.

ELIZABETH
Why couldn't we get Kyrel to leave?

CYRUS
I kept him there.

It's a while before Elizabeth is able to speak.

ELIZABETH
Why?

CYRUS
I needed his faith.

Elizabeth peeks at John and Amanda, whose jaws hang slack
but are "ready to hear more."

ELIZABETH
Why'd you come back? Why'd you finally
let Kyrel go?

CYRUS
My demons are gone. Plus, I wanted
to love you, as you deserve to be
loved.

Elizabeth's tension melts into coyness.

AMANDA
What happened to Kyrel?

ELIZABETH
Like God wanted, he woke people up.

JOHN
Did God save the zombie man?

CYRUS
If God showed him mercy, no one's
beyond forgiveness.
109.

AMANDA
(to John)
Even us, ding-dong.

CYRUS
(to John)
And I would like to meet your friend,
Linda Anne, again.

Elizabeth's eyes meet Cyrus'. Her hands drift to her belly.
Genres: ["Drama","Spiritual","Supernatural"]

Summary After being freed from the possession of Kyrel, Cyrus returns to his family, seemingly back to normal. He explains to his family that he kept Kyrel inside him as a test of faith, and that he allowed him to leave because he wanted to be free of his demons and to love Elizabeth. While Elizabeth is relieved, an undercurrent of uncertainty remains as she grapples with the recent ordeal. Meanwhile, Mary, watching a news report about the church event, finds herself praying to God. The scene ends on a hopeful note with Cyrus expressing his desire to meet John's friend Linda Anne, leaving the viewer to wonder if the experience has permanently altered the family dynamic.
Strengths
  • Deep exploration of spiritual themes
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional impact of dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some elements of the supernatural may be confusing to some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys deep emotional and spiritual themes, with strong character development and impactful dialogue. The supernatural elements add intrigue and depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of divine intervention, possession, and redemption is well-executed, providing a unique perspective on faith and forgiveness. The scene effectively blends supernatural elements with human emotions.

Plot: 7

The plot advances through revelations about the characters' past and their relationships, setting the stage for further development. The conflict between faith and doubt adds depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique supernatural elements and explores complex themes of faith and forgiveness. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and emotionally resonant.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and undergo significant emotional growth, particularly Kyrel/Cyrus and Elizabeth. Their interactions and inner struggles drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters, especially Kyrel/Cyrus and Elizabeth, undergo significant emotional growth and transformation during the scene. Their experiences lead to introspection and change.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to reconcile his dual identities as Kyrel and Cyrus, and to find a way to love and be loved by his family.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to explain the supernatural events that have occurred and to reassure his family of his love and intentions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The internal conflicts of the characters, particularly Kyrel/Cyrus, create tension and drama within the scene. The struggle between faith and doubt serves as a compelling conflict.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the protagonist's internal struggles and the conflicting beliefs of the other characters.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of faith, redemption, and the characters' relationships. The outcome of their spiritual journey and the resolution of their conflicts have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters' past, relationships, and internal conflicts. It sets the stage for further development and resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the supernatural events and the unexpected emotional revelations from the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around faith, trust, and the nature of forgiveness. The protagonist's actions challenge the beliefs and values of those around him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through its exploration of faith, love, and redemption. The characters' internal struggles and revelations resonate with the audience, creating a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is poignant and thought-provoking, reflecting the characters' internal conflicts and spiritual journey. It effectively conveys emotions and themes of faith and redemption.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, supernatural elements, and complex character relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its emotional impact and allows for moments of reflection and tension.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic and emotional moment, with clear character motivations and interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the transition from Kyrel being bathed in light and peering down at the church to suddenly being inside the church as Cyrus. This abrupt shift can be confusing for the audience and disrupt the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Elizabeth and Cyrus/Kyrel is somewhat disjointed and lacks a natural flow. There are moments where the characters' responses feel forced or out of place, which can detract from the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The revelation of Cyrus keeping Kyrel inside him to wake people up and the subsequent discussion about faith and forgiveness feels rushed and could benefit from more depth and exploration. This pivotal moment in the scene could be more impactful with additional development.
  • The transition from the intense and dramatic events of the previous scenes to the relatively calm and mundane dinner table conversation in this scene feels jarring. The shift in tone could be smoother to maintain the audience's engagement and emotional investment.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or sense of closure, leaving the audience with unanswered questions and a lack of satisfaction. A more definitive conclusion or a clearer sense of direction for the characters could enhance the overall impact of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the opening of the scene to provide a smoother transition between Kyrel's external perspective and his presence inside the church as Cyrus. This can help improve the coherence and continuity of the scene.
  • Focus on refining the dialogue between Elizabeth and Cyrus/Kyrel to ensure that it flows naturally and effectively conveys the emotional depth of their interaction. Consider adding more subtext and nuance to their conversation to enhance the character dynamics.
  • Expand on the revelation of Cyrus keeping Kyrel inside him to explore the themes of faith, forgiveness, and redemption in more detail. Allow the characters to delve deeper into their motivations and beliefs to create a more impactful and resonant moment.
  • Work on smoothing out the tonal shifts in the scene to maintain a consistent emotional resonance and narrative momentum. Consider integrating elements from the previous scenes to create a more cohesive and immersive storytelling experience.
  • Provide a more definitive resolution or sense of closure in the scene to give the audience a satisfying conclusion and a clear direction for the characters. Consider tying up loose ends or setting up future developments to enhance the overall narrative arc.



Scene 42 -  A Miracle in the Eye of God
INT. HOSPITAL - MATERNITY ROOM - NIGHT

Elizabeth in bed, peers up at Cyrus.

ELIZABETH
You want to hold him?

CYRUS
I reckon, absolutely.

Elizabeth raises her NEWBORN, which Cyrus takes.

CYRUS
His eyes are so green.

ELIZABETH
God still does miracles.

Behind Elizabeth's head a slash of blue lightning arcs across
the top of the bed, and then fades.

Her gaze of love though, remains fixed on the baby.

EXT. HELIX NEBULA

The popularly-named "Eye of God," stares back from space.

THE END
Genres: ["Fantasy","Drama"]

Summary Newly parents Elizabeth and Cyrus share a tender moment in the hospital maternity ward as Cyrus cradles their newborn son. Elizabeth, overwhelmed with love, remarks on the miraculous nature of their child. A sudden flash of lightning behind Elizabeth's head briefly disrupts the scene, but she remains focused on her baby. The scene then shifts to a breathtaking view of the Helix Nebula in space, known as the 'Eye of God,' ending the film on a note of awe and wonder.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Symbolic imagery
  • Tender interaction
Weaknesses
  • Minimal plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys a sense of wonder and emotion through the interaction between Elizabeth and Cyrus, as well as the symbolic imagery of the Eye of God in the Helix Nebula. The tone is consistent and engaging, drawing the audience in with its tender and mysterious atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a miraculous moment in the hospital room, with the presence of a newborn baby and the Eye of God in the Helix Nebula, is unique and captivating. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the overall theme of hope and wonder.

Plot: 7

While the plot in this scene is minimal, focusing mainly on the interaction between Elizabeth and Cyrus, it serves to highlight the emotional and miraculous elements of the story. The scene moves the story forward by showcasing a significant moment of connection between the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the theme of childbirth by intertwining scientific and spiritual elements. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Elizabeth and Cyrus are well-developed and their emotional connection is palpable. Elizabeth's love for her newborn baby and Cyrus' tender demeanor create a compelling dynamic that resonates with the audience.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the emotional connection between Elizabeth and Cyrus deepens, setting the stage for potential growth and development in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 9

Elizabeth's internal goal in this scene is to find comfort and reassurance in the midst of a life-changing moment. It reflects her deeper need for love, security, and faith.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to bond with her newborn baby and share the joy with Cyrus. It reflects the immediate circumstances of becoming a parent and the challenges of adjusting to a new role.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

There is minimal conflict in the scene, as the focus is on the tender moment between Elizabeth and Cyrus. The conflict is more internal, as Elizabeth grapples with the miraculous nature of the situation.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with the challenges of childbirth and the protagonist's internal struggles providing a small obstacle to overcome.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on the emotional and miraculous elements rather than high drama or intense conflict. The emphasis is on the tender moment between Elizabeth and Cyrus.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by establishing a strong emotional bond between Elizabeth and Cyrus, hinting at future developments and conflicts. It sets the stage for further exploration of the themes of miracles and divine intervention.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected appearance of the blue lightning and the emotional intensity of the moment.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the juxtaposition of scientific marvels like childbirth and the spiritual belief in miracles. It challenges Elizabeth's beliefs in the face of the miraculous event of childbirth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of love, wonder, and hope. The interaction between Elizabeth and Cyrus, combined with the presence of the newborn baby, creates a deeply emotional and moving moment.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is simple yet effective, conveying the emotions and thoughts of the characters in a natural and engaging way. The interactions between Elizabeth and Cyrus feel authentic and heartfelt.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, the intimate moment between characters, and the blend of science and spirituality.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotion gradually towards the climax of the baby's birth.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure follows the expected format for a dramatic scene, building tension and emotion towards a poignant moment.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or closure to the overarching storyline of Kyrel's possession and the impact on Elizabeth and Cyrus' relationship.
  • The dialogue between Elizabeth and Cyrus feels somewhat disconnected from the previous events and lacks emotional depth or exploration of the aftermath of Kyrel's possession.
  • The introduction of the blue lightning behind Elizabeth's head feels abrupt and disconnected from the rest of the scene, leaving the reader confused about its significance.
  • The transition to the Helix Nebula at the end feels disjointed and doesn't tie back to the main narrative or themes of the screenplay.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the emotional journey of Elizabeth and Cyrus following the traumatic events involving Kyrel, leaving the scene feeling incomplete.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a more emotional and reflective conversation between Elizabeth and Cyrus to address the impact of Kyrel's possession on their relationship and their individual journeys.
  • Provide a clearer resolution to the Kyrel storyline by addressing the aftermath of his banishment and its effects on the characters.
  • Integrate the symbolism of the blue lightning and the Helix Nebula more effectively into the scene to enhance the thematic elements of the screenplay.
  • Explore the internal struggles and growth of Elizabeth and Cyrus in the aftermath of the possession to add depth and complexity to their characters.
  • Consider revising the ending to provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene and tie back to the central themes of faith, redemption, and family.