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Scene 1 -  Tragedy in the Shadows of the Volcano
INT. CAR - AFTERNOON

Rain streaks across the windshield until the wipers clear it,
revealing a busy freeway ahead.

There is an OPENED WHITE BINDER next to a MOTOROLA DYNATAC
CELL PHONE on the passenger seat.

Two hands are gripped tightly on the steering wheel. The
driver, DAVE HARLOW, (male, late 40s) sees an AIRPORT
DEPARTURE SIGN.

CELL PHONE RINGS.

Dave reaches for it quickly and answers.

DAVE HARLOW
Yes, this is Dave.

He listens closely. The sudden look of defeat on Dave’s face
seems to hint toward bad news on the other end of the
conversation.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
Are you sure?
(pause)
I don’t think that’s a good-

He’s interrupted. Whatever the news may be, Dave clearly
doesn’t want to accept it.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
Yes, sir.

Dave veers the car into the far left lane and spots the
AIRPORT EXIT SIGN.

He looks over at the WHITE BINDER and shuts it.

INSERT - WHITE BINDER HEADER, which reads: “NEVADO DEL RUIZ.”


INT. COLOMBIAN VILLAGE - HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT

Through an opened window, a LARGE STRATOVOLANCO GLOWS IN THE
DISTANCE.

SUPER: Nevado Del Ruiz - Stratovolcano - Armero, Tolima
Colombia - November 13, 1985 - 11:30pm

Lying in her bed is a little girl, OMAYRA SANCHEZ, (age 13.)


Her mother walks into the room from the hallway.

ALL DIALOGUE IN SPANISH

OMAYRA’S MOTHER
You have to get some sleep.

OMAYRA SANCHEZ
You forgot to check for monsters.

Her mother smiles and nods. She walks over to her daughter
and quickly checks under her bed.

OMAYRA’S MOTHER
See, no monsters.

OMAYRA SANCHEZ
It’s not under the bed.

Her mother’s smile slowly diminishes. Omayra looks toward her
OPENED WINDOW. She points toward it now.

Her mother walks over to it slowly. Through the window,
NEVADO DEL RUIZ VOLCANO is seen glowing and rumbling in the
distance. Suddenly, the window begins to rattle. Her mother’s
eyes grow wide right as the walls of the bedroom begin to
DISINTEGRATE AROUND THEM. Both Omayra and her mother SCREAM
as a FLOW OF THICK DARK WATER AND MUD, MOVING AT TREMENDOUS
SPEEDS, SPLIT APART THEIR HOME IN SECONDS AND THEY ARE SWEPT
AWAY.

CUT TO BLACK.


EXT. COLOMBIAN VILLAGE - MORNING

The sun begins to rise over the distant mountains barely
shining its beams through the VOLCANIC ASH CLOUD.

There are CRIES FOR HELP. BUILDINGS LAY SPLINTERED, ENCASED
IN THICK MUD THAT HAS BLANKETED THE ENTIRE VILLAGE. CARS ARE
SMASHED INTO PIECES OF TWISTED METAL. A GLIMMER OF LIGHT
REVEALS BODIES OF THE DEAD ENTANGLED IN THE WRECKAGE.

RESCUE CREWS begin to arrive. Following behind the group is a
JOURNALIST (female, mid 30s) SNAPPING PHOTOGRAPHS of the
tragedy that has just unfolded.

RESCUE WORKER
¡Aqui! ¡Sigue viva! Vamos a
sacarla.

The journalist watches a rescue worker rush over to
something. She follows behind.


Omayra Sánchez has her hand free but she’s buried up to her
neck in the thick mud and debris. The rescue worker tries
pulling her out but she doesn’t budge. He tries again but
Omayra CRIES OUT IN PAIN.

The journalist now approaches her, bends down to her level,
and takes ahold of her hand and smiles as if to tell her
everything is going to be okay.


EXT. COLOMBIAN VILLAGE - LATER

TWO HANDS REMAIN GRASPED as Omayra sings a quiet lullaby and
the journalist awaits word from the rescue workers speaking
amongst themselves inaudibly in the distance.

SUPER: Three Days Later

THE LULLABY STOPS.

The journalist turns her attention toward Omayra and that’s
when she sees the little girl’s hand go limp in hers. SHE’S
DEAD. The Journalist stands up and begins to SNAP PHOTOS.

SERIES OF SHOTS:

1. SNAPS A PHOTO OF A ROOF STICKING FROM THE MUD

2. SNAPS A PHOTO OF A CAR WRAPPED AROUND A TREE

3. SNAPS A PHOTO OF ARMS AND LEGS STICKING FROM THE MUD

The journalist turns back toward Omayra, whose eyes have gone
eerily dark, almost black. She pulls the camera up.

4. SNAPS A PHOTO OF THE NOW DECEASED OMAYRA SANCHEZ

CUT TO BLACK.


OPENING TITLES: “VOLCANO COWBOYS”

FADE IN:
Genres: ["Drama","Disaster"]

Summary The scene begins with Dave Harlow driving on a rainy freeway, receiving distressing news that prompts him to head to the airport. Meanwhile, in a Colombian village, young Omayra Sanchez is comforted by her mother as they discuss imaginary monsters, unaware of the looming danger from the glowing Nevado Del Ruiz volcano. Suddenly, their home is engulfed by mud and water from the eruption. In the aftermath, rescue efforts reveal Omayra trapped in the debris, holding the hand of a journalist who tries to provide solace. After three days, Omayra's hand goes limp, marking her tragic death, which the journalist captures on camera, highlighting the devastating impact of the disaster.
Strengths
  • Emotional impact
  • Character development
  • Visual storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Potentially triggering content

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is expertly crafted to evoke strong emotions from the audience, with a tragic and intense tone that keeps viewers engaged and invested in the unfolding disaster.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of portraying a natural disaster and its devastating effects on the characters is executed with depth and sensitivity, making it a compelling and emotionally resonant scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is focused on the unfolding disaster and its impact on the characters, driving the emotional intensity and setting up the story to come.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of personal and natural disasters, combining the mundane setting of a car ride with the sudden eruption of a volcano in a Colombian village. The authenticity of the characters' reactions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotional journey through the disaster is portrayed with authenticity and depth, adding to the overall impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional changes as they face the disaster, experiencing loss, fear, and resilience in the face of tragedy, adding depth to their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Dave Harlow's internal goal is to come to terms with bad news he receives over the phone, as indicated by his look of defeat and reluctance to accept the information.

External Goal: 9

Dave Harlow's external goal is to reach the airport, as he veers towards the airport exit sign after receiving the phone call.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily external, driven by the natural disaster and the characters' struggle to survive, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing unexpected challenges and obstacles that add depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters face life-threatening danger and emotional turmoil, adding tension and urgency to the unfolding disaster.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the central conflict and setting up the emotional stakes for the characters, driving the narrative towards the next plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the sudden shift from a mundane car ride to a catastrophic volcanic eruption, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around accepting harsh realities and dealing with unexpected challenges, as seen in Dave's reaction to the news he receives.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong feelings of sadness, shock, and devastation from the audience, making it a memorable and powerful moment in the screenplay.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue, though minimal, effectively conveys the emotions and urgency of the situation, adding to the realism and intensity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of suspense, emotional depth, and unexpected events that keep the audience invested in the unfolding story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that leaves a lasting impact on the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct settings and character actions that drive the narrative forward effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and impending disaster through the juxtaposition of Dave's personal crisis and the catastrophic events in Colombia. However, the transition between these two storylines could be smoother. The abrupt shift from Dave's phone call to the Colombian village feels jarring and could benefit from a more gradual transition that connects the two narratives thematically or visually.
  • The dialogue in Spanish adds authenticity to the Colombian setting, but it may alienate viewers who do not understand the language. Consider including subtitles or a brief context to ensure that the emotional weight of the dialogue is conveyed to all audiences.
  • The use of visual imagery, such as the glowing volcano and the disintegration of the bedroom, is powerful and evocative. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds of the eruption, the smell of ash, or the feeling of the ground shaking would enhance the tension and urgency.
  • The character of Omayra is introduced quickly, and while her situation is tragic, the audience may not have enough time to connect with her before the disaster strikes. Consider adding a brief moment that showcases her personality or her relationship with her mother to create a stronger emotional impact when the tragedy unfolds.
  • The ending of the scene, where Omayra's hand goes limp, is poignant but could be more impactful with a stronger visual or auditory cue. Perhaps a close-up of the journalist's reaction or a haunting sound that signifies the loss could heighten the emotional stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual or auditory motif that connects Dave's storyline with Omayra's, such as a sound of thunder or a flash of lightning that occurs simultaneously with the phone call and the eruption.
  • Include subtitles for the Spanish dialogue to ensure that all viewers can understand the emotional context of the conversation between Omayra and her mother.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene by describing the sounds of the volcano, the feeling of the ground shaking, and the smell of ash to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Take a moment to develop Omayra's character before the disaster strikes, perhaps by showing her interacting with her mother in a way that highlights their bond, making the tragedy more impactful.
  • Consider adding a visual or auditory cue at the moment Omayra's hand goes limp to emphasize the gravity of the situation, such as a close-up of the journalist's shocked expression or a haunting sound that signifies loss.



Scene 2 -  Aftershock: A Quest for Answers
INT. HOUSE - DINING ROOM - AFTERNOON

FOUR PICTURE FRAMES sit on a wooden shelf.

INSERT - FIRST PHOTO - A Filipino man, who will soon be known
as Ray (mid 40s) holding a GEMSTONE.


INSERT - SECOND PHOTO - Ray and his coworker, who will soon
be known as BAYANI (early 30s, also Filipino) are holding a
SEISMOMETER.

INSERT - THIRD PHOTO - Ray is standing next to another man
who will soon be known as CHRIS NEWHALL (male, Caucasian, mid
40s) and a large smoking stratovolcano in the distance.

INSERT - FOURTH PHOTO - Ray is next to his WIFE and FOUR
CHILDREN.

The shelf begins to SHAKE. The picture frames rattle. They
begin to topple over onto the floor and shatter and that’s
when a DOZEN FEET scurry past the broken glass. The entire
shelf finally collapses just as the last pair of feet scamper
by.

Ray (now in his 50s) is hunched under the dining table with
his WIFE and FOUR CHILDREN, with their arms wrapped around
him as the entire house JOLTS VIOLENTLY BACK AND FORTH.

EXPLOSIONS, SIRENS, ALARMS, SCREAMS.


INT. OLD PICKUP TRUCK - DOWNTOWN - SAME TIME

Two pairs of hands turn the wheel sharp left. BAYANI (male,
early 30s, Filipino scientist) narrowly avoids a CRASHING
STREETLIGHT. He glances out of his window and watches an
ENTIRE APARTMENT BUILDING COLLAPSE. People are fleeing from
the entrance as debris rains above them.

DEBRIS BLASTS at Bayani’s truck, CRACKING THE WINDSHIELD. HE
PULLS THE EMERGENCY BRAKE and exits.


EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - STREET CORNER - SAME TIME

There is so much dust and debris covering the recently
collapsed building as Bayani stares helplessly at the
wreckage.

He finally takes a step forward and rushes into the dust and
smoke. There are SCREAMS, CRIES FOR HELP, and in some
moments, TOTAL SILENCE as Bayani searches through the
towering smoldering debris pile.

Bayani suddenly stops.

Lying there in front of him, lifeless, is a WOMAN, who will
soon be revealed to be Bayani’s wife. Tears begin to well up
in Bayani’s eyes. He covers his face as he begins to sob
uncontrollably. PARAMEDICS PULL BAYANI AWAY and they all
disappear into the cloud of dust.


EXT. STREET CORNER - NEIGHBORHOOD - SAME TIME

A DOOR OPENS on a house at the corner of the street revealing
Ray, as he slowly exists his home. Ray wipes his eyes and
sees it now. A CITY DOWNTOWN IN RUIN. BUILDINGS HAVE
COLLAPSED. CARS ARE SMASHES. SIRENS ECHO.

Ray’s family exit the house now as they slowly gather around
him.

SUPER: Quezon City, Philippines - July 16, 1990 - 4:26PM


EXT. CEMETERY - MORNING

Bayani is in tears, barely holding it together it seems as
Ray approaches him with a loving arm around his shoulder. He
pulls him close to comfort him.

INSERT - GRAVESTONE, which reads: “HANA REYES, 1952 - 1990.”


EXT. QUEZON CITY - DOWNTOWN - DAY

Entire buildings lay in waste. Seen digging through the
wreckage are Ray and Bayani.

Ray turns toward the road and sees UNITED STATES ARMY
VEHICLES driving down the road slowly to avoid the debris.
The trucks do not stop to help. Bayani watches the vehicles
drive by.

DIALOGUE IN FILIPINO

BAYANI
Not once do they stop and ask if we
need any help.

Ray sees a PHOTOGRAPH of Bayani and his wife lying on the
ground. He picks it up and turns to face Bayani.

RAY
We never asked for it either.

He hands Bayani the PHOTOGRAPH. Bayani takes it and stares at
it longingly.


EXT. MOUNTAIN RANGE - MORNING

HUGE JETS OF STEAM SHOOT FROM A LARGE CRACK IN THE EARTH.


Just beyond the steam, stands Ray and Bayani. Ray points
toward the FISSURES. The vents are deafening as they stare
hypnotically.

SUPER: One Year Later - April 2, 1991

Ray glances over at Bayani but Bayani remains fixated on the
fissures.

RAY
When did it start?

BAYANI
Shortly after the earthquake.

RAY
Do you think it’s connected?

BAYANI
We need to look into it.

RAY
I think we need to contact the
USGS.

That gets Bayani to finally looks over at Ray, slightly
annoyed.

BAYANI
We can handle this on our own.


INT. USGS HEADQUARTERS - OFFICE - MORNING

INSERT - DOOR NAMEPLATE, which reads: “CHRIS NEWHALL.”

INSERT - PHOTOGRAPH of CHRIS NEWHALL (mid 40s, and his wife,
GLENDA (mid 40’s, Filipino ethnicity) and their son (age 10)
on a desk.

BACK TO OFFICE - CHRIS NEWHALL is sitting at the desk,
skimming through a PAMPHLET. He closes it.

INSERT - PAMPHLET, which reads: “LAHARS & PYROCLASTIC FLOWS”

BACK TO OFFICE - Chris’s eyes move toward the CALENDAR on his
desk. He flips from APRIL to OCTOBER and reveals in red
sharpie written across a date, “LAST DAY IN OFFICE! FREEDOM!”

PHONE RINGS. Chris answers.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Igneous and Geothermal Processes
Branch, this is Chris-
Genres: ["Drama","Disaster"]

Summary In the aftermath of a devastating earthquake in Quezon City, Ray and his family take cover as their home shakes. Meanwhile, Bayani, driving downtown, witnesses the collapse of an apartment building and discovers his wife's lifeless body amidst the debris. As Ray emerges to find the city in ruins, he comforts Bayani at a cemetery, where they bond over their shared grief and frustration at the lack of assistance from authorities. Determined to seek answers, they discuss the geological changes caused by the earthquake while standing at a mountain range, hinting at their resolve to investigate the fissures independently.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Poignant portrayal of grief and loss
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Potential for melodrama

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the disaster and the profound impact it has on the characters. The tragic tone is well-established, and the portrayal of grief and loss is poignant.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of a disaster through the lens of personal loss and grief is compelling. The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters' experiences and sets the stage for further exploration of resilience and recovery.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the emotional aftermath of the disaster, highlighting the characters' grief and loss. It sets up potential conflicts and character arcs for future development.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the disaster genre by focusing on the personal relationships and cultural elements of the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with their emotional struggles and reactions to the disaster portrayed convincingly. The audience can empathize with their grief and loss, making them relatable and engaging.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with grief, loss, and resilience in the face of tragedy. Their experiences shape their future actions and decisions.

Internal Goal: 9

Ray's internal goal is to protect and comfort his family in the midst of the disaster. This reflects his deeper need for security and stability in the face of chaos and loss.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to investigate the volcanic activity and potential connection to the earthquake. This reflects the immediate challenge of understanding and responding to the natural disaster.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters struggle with their emotions and the devastation around them. The emotional turmoil and loss serve as the main sources of conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing physical and emotional challenges that test their resilience and beliefs. The uncertainty of the situation adds to the tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters face profound loss, grief, and devastation in the aftermath of the disaster. Their emotional well-being and resilience are put to the test, shaping their future paths.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the emotional aftermath of the disaster, setting up character arcs and potential conflicts for future development. It lays the groundwork for further exploration of resilience and recovery.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden shifts in action and the unexpected emotional moments. The audience is kept on edge by the unfolding events.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around self-reliance versus seeking outside help. Bayani believes they can handle the situation on their own, while Ray suggests contacting the USGS for assistance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, grief, and empathy in the audience. The portrayal of loss and devastation is deeply affecting, drawing viewers into the characters' emotional journey.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and reactions to the disaster. It adds depth to their interactions and enhances the overall emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, high stakes, and the characters' compelling interactions. The sense of urgency and mystery keeps the audience invested.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of action and emotional moments. The rhythm of the dialogue and descriptions enhances the overall impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The visual elements are effectively conveyed.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and urgency of the situation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the emotional stakes by juxtaposing the personal lives of Ray and Bayani with the catastrophic events unfolding around them. However, the transition between the intimate family moment and the chaos of the earthquake could be smoother. The sudden shift from the serene family setting to the violent earthquake feels abrupt and could benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance the tension.
  • The use of inserts for the photographs is a strong visual storytelling technique, but it may be more impactful if the significance of each photo is woven into the dialogue or action rather than presented as separate inserts. This would help to create a more cohesive narrative flow and deepen the audience's connection to the characters.
  • The emotional weight of Bayani's discovery of his wife's body is powerful, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the moment. Describing the sounds, smells, and sights of the wreckage could heighten the emotional impact and make the tragedy feel more immediate.
  • The dialogue between Ray and Bayani at the cemetery is poignant, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more subtext. Instead of directly stating their feelings about the lack of help from the U.S. Army, consider using more indirect language or metaphors that reflect their frustration and sense of abandonment.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, particularly in the transition from the cemetery to the mountain range. The shift from mourning to the discussion of geological activity could be more fluid, perhaps by including a moment of reflection or a shared memory that connects their personal loss to the urgency of their scientific concerns.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of foreshadowing before the earthquake, such as subtle tremors or changes in the environment that hint at the impending disaster. This would build tension and make the earthquake's impact feel more inevitable.
  • Integrate the photographs more organically into the dialogue or action, perhaps by having Ray or Bayani reference specific memories associated with each photo during their conversations. This would deepen the audience's understanding of their relationships and the stakes involved.
  • Enhance the sensory details during Bayani's search for his wife to create a more visceral experience for the audience. Describe the dust, the heat, and the sounds of destruction to immerse viewers in the chaos.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more subtext, allowing the characters' emotions to be conveyed through their actions and tone rather than explicit statements. This will create a more nuanced portrayal of their grief and frustration.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different locations and emotional beats to maintain a consistent pacing throughout the scene. Consider using transitional phrases or actions that connect the characters' experiences more fluidly.



Scene 3 -  Awakening Concerns
INT. PHIVOLCS BUILDING - RAY’S OFFICE - SAME TIME

Ray sits at his messy desk with papers, maps strewn about.

SUPER: Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology -
Quezon City - Philippines

RAY
Hey Chris. It’s Ray.

INTERCUT - TELEPHONE CONVERSATION

CHRIS NEWHALL
Holy shit. It’s been a minute.

RAY
A year. Since the Luzon quake.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Has it really been a year? How are
the kids doing?

RAY
They’re good. We’re good. Slowly
putting things back together.
(beat)
My fax, did you get it?

CHRIS NEWHALL
I did, I did, I’m sorry. I’ve had
my hands full with this conference
in Washington I’ve been planning.
Office duties. You know how it is.

RAY
Grass isn’t always greener, huh?

CHRIS NEWHALL
I have to get back out in the
field, Ray. I can’t do this.

Ray laughs as Chris finally finds the FAX and scans over it
quickly.

CHRIS NEWHALL (CONT’D)
Do you think it’s unrest with Taal?

RAY
No. We’ve been monitoring Taal.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Maybe it’s just aftershocks related
to Luzon.


RAY
These aren’t near that epicenter.

CHRIS NEWHALL
What are the coordinates?

Ray looks at a MAP on his desk, spotting it with his finger.

RAY
15.1429° North, 120.3496° East.

Chris quickly finds his PHILIPPINES TOPOGRAPHICAL MAP in his
drawer. He rolls it out showing it faded and worn. He finally
spots the location: “MOUNT PINATUBO.” He’s quiet now.

RAY (CONT’D)
Bayani thinks she might have woken
up.

CHRIS NEWHALL
He’s already back at work?

RAY
It’s all he’s got left, Chris.
(beat)
He thinks it might be big.

CHRIS NEWHALL
And what do you think?

Ray collects his thoughts.

RAY
You can call me paranoid about what
happened last year -- but if that
earthquake woke up Pinatubo...
(beat)
Sometimes the ones that have been
sleeping the longest are the most
dangerous.

Chris wasn’t prepared for this conversation right now.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Then have your team look into it.
Why call me?

RAY
They cut funding. PHIVOLCS is in
shambles.

CHRIS NEWHALL
It’s no different here.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Ray's cluttered office at the Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology, he engages in a tense phone conversation with colleague Chris Newhall. They reflect on the past year since the Luzon quake and discuss the alarming seismic activity at Mount Pinatubo, with Ray expressing his fears that the volcano may be awakening. While Ray's urgency highlights the potential danger, Chris is preoccupied with his own workload and the ongoing challenges of securing funding for their research. Their dialogue reveals a shared concern for the situation, but the lack of resources leaves their conflict unresolved as they acknowledge the difficulties ahead.
Strengths
  • Effective establishment of the impending threat
  • Strong dialogue and character interactions
  • Clear sense of urgency and tension
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets up the looming threat of a volcanic eruption, creating tension and a sense of urgency. The dialogue between Ray and Chris establishes the stakes and the characters' concerns, driving the plot forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of a potential volcanic eruption and the characters' response to it is engaging and sets up a compelling conflict. The scene effectively introduces this concept and sets the stage for future developments.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' discovery of a potential volcanic threat and their efforts to address it. It moves the story forward by introducing a significant obstacle for the characters to overcome.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of natural disasters, focusing on the specific challenges faced by scientists monitoring volcanic activity. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Ray and Chris, are well-defined and their motivations are clear. Their interactions reveal their concerns and drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

While there is not significant character development in this scene, the characters' reactions to the threat hint at potential changes in their motivations and actions as the story progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

Ray's internal goal in this scene is to convince Chris to take action regarding the potential volcanic activity at Mount Pinatubo. This reflects Ray's fear of another disaster like the Luzon quake and his desire to prevent it.

External Goal: 7.5

Ray's external goal is to secure funding for PHIVOLCS to monitor and potentially prevent volcanic activity. This reflects the immediate challenge of limited resources and the need for support in their work.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the potential volcanic eruption and the characters' efforts to address the threat. The high stakes and urgency create a tense and engaging atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Chris's skepticism providing a challenge to Ray's urgency and paranoia. The audience is left uncertain of how the characters will resolve their differences.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene are driven by the potential volcanic eruption and the characters' efforts to address the threat. The urgency and danger of the situation raise the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a significant obstacle for the characters to overcome. It sets up future developments and raises the stakes for the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn in the conversation towards the potential volcanic activity at Mount Pinatubo. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will proceed.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the balance between preparedness and complacency in the face of natural disasters. Ray's paranoia and Chris's skepticism represent two opposing viewpoints on how to approach the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.8

The scene elicits a sense of worry and concern for the characters' well-being in the face of a looming disaster. The emotional impact is driven by the characters' reactions to the threat.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and serves to establish the characters' relationships and motivations. It effectively conveys the urgency of the situation and the characters' concerns.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, realistic dialogue, and sense of urgency. The technical details and geographic coordinates add depth to the conversation.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a natural flow of dialogue and technical details that keep the reader engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and intercut dialogue. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven, suspenseful scene in a disaster-themed genre. The pacing and rhythm of the conversation contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting and context of the Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology, grounding the audience in the scientific world of volcanology. However, the dialogue could benefit from more tension and urgency, given the potential threat of volcanic activity. The stakes feel somewhat low in this exchange, which may not fully engage the audience's emotions.
  • The character dynamics between Ray and Chris are established well, showcasing their camaraderie and shared history. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic. For instance, instead of simply reminiscing about the past year, they could reference specific events or experiences that highlight their emotional connection and the weight of their current situation.
  • The exposition regarding the potential awakening of Mount Pinatubo is crucial, but it feels somewhat rushed. The conversation could be expanded to include more details about the implications of this awakening, which would heighten the tension and urgency of the scene. This would also allow for a deeper exploration of Ray's character and his motivations.
  • The use of technical jargon, such as coordinates and geological terms, is appropriate for the setting but may alienate some viewers. It would be beneficial to balance this with more accessible language or explanations that can help the audience understand the significance of what is being discussed.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Chris's line about funding cuts, which feels like a missed opportunity to leave the audience with a stronger emotional impact. A more poignant closing line or moment could enhance the scene's overall effectiveness and set the stage for the escalating tension to come.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional stakes to the conversation. Perhaps Ray could express personal fears about the potential eruption, linking it to his family or past experiences, which would create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
  • Incorporate more vivid descriptions of the office environment and the characters' physical actions to enhance the visual storytelling. For example, describe Ray's body language or the clutter on his desk to reflect his mental state.
  • Expand the dialogue to include more specific references to past events or shared experiences between Ray and Chris that would deepen their relationship and highlight the urgency of the current situation.
  • Introduce a sense of urgency in the dialogue by having Ray and Chris discuss potential consequences of the volcanic activity more explicitly, which would raise the stakes and engage the audience's attention.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more impactful line or moment that encapsulates the tension and urgency of the situation, leaving the audience eager to see what happens next.



Scene 4 -  Tension in the Face of Danger
INT. USGS HEADQUARTERS - DAN’S OFFICE - LATER

INSERT - PLAQUE, which reads: “Dan Miller - Program Director -
Volcano Disaster Assistance Program”

BACK TO OFFICE - DAN MILLER (male, 50) is sitting at his desk
when he looks up at Chris Newhall, sitting across from him.

DAN MILLER
I understand you miss being out in
the field but sending out a warning
signal off of a whim is not how we
operate anymore. The answer is no.

Chris points out a specific location on the MAP OF PINATUBO.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Look at the dendritic drainage
patterns. It’s a clear sign of
large eruptions.

Dan is growing more and more annoyed. He now reaches into his
drawer and pulls out a separate TOPOGRAPHICAL MAP. He rolls
it out over the PINATUBO MAP revealing... “LONG VALLEY
CALDERA - MAMMOTH LAKES, CA”

BACK TO OFFICE - Dan points at a geographical pattern.

DAN MILLER
Look at the size of this boundary.
The entire town of Mammoth sits
within it. I found deposits as far
out as Nevada, Chris, so I get it.
660,000 years ago this eruption was
massive.
(beat)
But you can’t forget about the
consequences of a false alarm.

CHRIS NEWHALL
I’m not asking to evacuate any
cities or cause a panic. I’m simply
asking for permission to look into
this-

DAN MILLER
-Dave, Rick, and I showed up in
Mammoth to investigate and a few
months later that town nearly went
bankrupt. Sometimes that’s all it
takes to sound the alarm. The
Survey is teetering on the edge,
Chris. One more misstep --- That’s
it.


INT. VDAP HEADQUARTERS - MONITORING ROOM - DAY

The ambient sound of monitoring equipment fills the room.

SUPER: Cascade Volcano Observatory - VDAP - Volcano Disaster
Assistance Headquarters - Vancouver, Washington.

A PEN slowly writes on a NOTEPAD. Dave Harlow (now older by a
few years and the graying beard is proof of it) glances over
at the SEISMOGRAPH DRUM. Suddenly, another NOTEBOOK is
slapped down in front of him. He looks up, revealing LOCKHART
(male, mid 30s) standing next to him.

LOCKHART
Tiltmeter measurements are off.

DAVE HARLOW
Rule number one of tiltmeters,
they’re always off. Rule number two
never trust them. Rule number three-

EWERT (O.S.)
-Never publish their data.

JILL EWERT (female, early 30s) is sitting at a different desk
but never turns her attention toward the other two.

LOCKHART
Okay, smartass, if you know it all,
explain to me why everyone at the
Survey calls Dave a “Meatball.”

EWERT
A “Meatball” is someone who is
experienced with volcano
emergencies-

DAVE HARLOW
-In other words, I know what the
hell I’m doing-

EWERT
-And I wasn’t finished. It’s also
someone who has very little
published work -- or as the common
folk call it, all brawn and no
brain.

Lockhart laughs at Dave’s expense but a CRUMPLED UP BALL OF
PAPER hitting him in the back of his head quiets him up
quickly. It was his TILTMETER MEASUREMENTS.


DAVE HARLOW
Unfortunately Ewert’s right. Our
careers have always been about how
often our names appear in science
magazines and never about how many
lives we save.

It’s true. A 40 year old volcanologist veteran has never been
published.

THE PHONE RINGS NEXT TO DAVE and he glances over at it.
Genres: ["Drama","Disaster"]

Summary In a tense confrontation at the USGS headquarters, Dan Miller resists Chris Newhall's call for a warning signal regarding potential volcanic activity at Pinatubo, citing the risks of false alarms and past financial repercussions. The scene shifts to the VDAP monitoring room, where Dave Harlow and his colleagues discuss the challenges of their work, highlighting the conflict between scientific credibility and practical experience. The unresolved tension between caution and urgency looms as the scene ends with a phone ringing, hinting at an impending crisis.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-building dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively builds tension and conflict through the dialogue and contrasting viewpoints of the characters. The stakes are high, and the emotional impact is palpable.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of balancing scientific data with real-world consequences is compelling and drives the conflict forward. The scene effectively conveys the complexity of decision-making in crisis situations.

Plot: 8

The plot advances the overarching narrative by introducing a critical decision point that will likely have significant repercussions. The conflict is well-established and propels the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges of disaster preparedness and the ethical dilemmas faced by scientists in the field. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in real-world experiences.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined through their dialogue and actions, showcasing their differing perspectives and motivations. The emotional depth of the characters adds layers to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle shifts in their perspectives and attitudes, setting the stage for potential growth and conflict resolution in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Dan Miller's internal goal is to maintain the safety and reputation of the Survey. He is concerned about the consequences of false alarms and wants to avoid any missteps that could jeopardize the organization.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to make a decision about whether to investigate a potential volcanic eruption based on the evidence presented by Chris Newhall.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.8

The conflict is intense and multi-layered, stemming from the characters' differing perspectives on how to respond to the potential volcanic eruption. The high stakes heighten the tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and goals that create tension and drive the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with the potential for catastrophic consequences if the characters make the wrong decision regarding the volcanic activity. The tension is palpable.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a critical decision point and escalating the tension surrounding the potential volcanic eruption. It sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters and the uncertain outcome of their decision-making process.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between caution and urgency. Dan Miller represents caution, wanting to avoid unnecessary panic, while Chris Newhall represents urgency, wanting to investigate potential threats.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in the characters' expressions of concern, frustration, and resignation. The personal stakes are palpable.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the characters' personalities and driving the conflict forward. The exchanges are realistic and engaging.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, conflicting goals, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through a balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is consistent with the expected format for a dialogue-heavy, character-driven scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and a progression of events that build tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between Dan Miller and Chris Newhall, highlighting the stakes involved in volcanic monitoring. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to convey the emotional weight of their disagreement. As it stands, the conversation feels somewhat expository and lacks the depth that could make the audience empathize with both characters' positions.
  • The transition between Dan's office and the VDAP monitoring room is somewhat abrupt. While it serves to show the contrasting environments, it could be smoother. Consider adding a line or two that connects the urgency of the conversation in Dan's office to the ongoing work in the monitoring room, reinforcing the theme of urgency and the stakes involved.
  • The humor introduced through the banter about 'Meatball' and the tiltmeters is a nice touch, but it risks undermining the gravity of the situation. Balancing humor with the serious implications of their work is crucial. Ensure that the comedic elements do not detract from the tension surrounding the volcanic threat.
  • The character of Dave Harlow is introduced with a bit of backstory regarding his experience, but it could be more impactful if we see a moment of vulnerability or doubt from him. This would add layers to his character and make his perspective on the tiltmeters more relatable.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While there is tension, it feels static. Consider incorporating a moment where Chris's frustration peaks or where Dan shows a crack in his resolve, which could lead to a more dynamic exchange and a stronger emotional payoff.
Suggestions
  • Add subtext to the dialogue to convey deeper emotions and motivations. For example, instead of just stating their positions, let them express their fears or regrets about past decisions.
  • Create a smoother transition between the two locations by including a line that connects the urgency of Dan's office conversation to the ongoing work in the monitoring room, perhaps mentioning the implications of their decisions on the team’s work.
  • Reassess the balance of humor and seriousness. Ensure that any comedic elements enhance rather than detract from the tension of the scene. Perhaps use humor to break tension at a critical moment rather than throughout the scene.
  • Include a moment of vulnerability for Dave Harlow that reveals his internal conflict about being labeled a 'Meatball.' This could be a brief flashback or a line that hints at his past failures or fears.
  • Introduce an emotional arc by allowing Chris or Dan to have a moment of realization or change during their argument. This could lead to a more dynamic interaction and a stronger resolution to the scene.



Scene 5 -  Tremors of Danger
INT. VDAP HEADQUARTERS - DAVE’S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

Dave rummages through his desk drawer, PHONE against his ear.

DAVE HARLOW
You know the Survey isn’t going to
put up $100,000. The equipment is
US Aid property anyway -- What
about the State Department in
Manila?


INT. USGS HEADQUARTERS - CHRIS’S OFFICE - SAME TIME

Chris is leaning back in his chair, hair messy, coffee mugs
spread about his desk.

INTERCUT - TELEPHONE CONVERSATION

CHRIS NEWHALL
They have their hands full with the
Gulf War.

DAVE HARLOW
What about Ray and his team?

CHRIS NEWHALL
They don’t have the resources to
handle something this big.

DAVE HARLOW
How big are we talking?

There is a long pause.


EXT. MOUNT PINATUBO - CRATER - MORNING

The crater is massive, many miles wide, and a thick cloud of
volcanic smog fills the air.


Bayani, wearing a GAS MASK, holds a rope tightly in his grip,
looking down the steep crater where Ray is slowly being
lowered.

Ray looks up and gives Bayani a thumbs up to continue to
lower him. Ray is holding a COSPEC DEVICE (A large
rectangular shaped equipment for reading S02.) Ray finally
comes to a stop at a large rock shelf. He places the COSPEC
DEVICE on a TRIPOD. He begins aiming it toward the center of
the crater.

Suddenly, THE GROUND BEGINS TO SHAKE around Bayani. Ray loses
his footing and slips. Bayani loses his grip on the ROPE.

Ray slides down the crater a few meters until the ROPE
CATCHES ON A SAFETY CLIP that is embedded in the side of a
rock. Ray is now dangling, clinging to the rope.

He looks up and sees the COSPEC DEVICE teetering on the edge
of the rock shelf. It begins to shimmy forward as the
earthquake continues. Ray begins to quickly climb up hoping
to move past the COSPEC DEVICE but it’s too late.

The COSPEC DEVICE tips over the edge and FALLS VIOLENTLY
toward Ray, who thinks quickly and pushes himself off a rock
to gain enough leverage to narrowly avoid getting smashed by
the device. The COSPEC DEVICE crashes to the bottom of the
crater.

Bayani finally extends out his hand and grabs Ray and pulls
him back to his feet at the crest of the crater. They both
take a huge sigh of relief.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, Dave Harlow discusses funding challenges for a volcanic research project while Chris Newhall updates him on the State Department's distractions due to the Gulf War. Meanwhile, at Mount Pinatubo, volcanologist Ray is lowered into the crater to set up a COSPEC device when an earthquake strikes, causing him to dangle precariously. With quick thinking, Bayani rescues Ray just in time, but the looming issue of inadequate funding remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Limited character change
  • Some dialogue exposition

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension through the earthquake and near-miss with the falling device, providing a sense of relief when the characters escape unharmed. The dialogue adds depth to the characters and sets up the conflict surrounding the volcano's potential eruption.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the volcano crater amidst seismic activity is engaging and adds a layer of suspense to the narrative. It sets up the potential eruption as a significant plot point.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, as the characters face a life-threatening situation at the volcano crater. It sets up the conflict surrounding the volcano's activity and the characters' mission.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique setting and situation with the characters conducting a survey in a volcanic crater, which adds freshness to the familiar theme of overcoming obstacles.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the earthquake and near-miss with the falling device reveal their bravery and determination. The scene deepens their bond and sets up further character development.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the characters' bond is strengthened through their shared experience at the volcano crater.

Internal Goal: 8

Dave's internal goal in this scene is to find a solution to the problem at hand and ensure the safety of his team members. This reflects his deeper need for control and responsibility.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully conduct the survey at the crater of Mount Pinatubo despite the challenges and dangers they face.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene arises from the characters' struggle to navigate the dangerous situation at the volcano crater and the larger conflict surrounding the potential eruption. The high stakes add intensity to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing physical danger and obstacles that are difficult to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene are evident as the characters navigate a dangerous situation at the volcano crater, with the potential eruption posing a significant threat. The outcome of their mission has far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing the potential eruption of Mount Pinatubo as a central conflict. It sets up the characters' mission and the challenges they will face.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden earthquake and the characters' unexpected actions to avoid danger.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the balance between taking risks to achieve a goal and ensuring safety. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the importance of completing the mission at any cost.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits emotions of anxiety, relief, and determination as the characters face a life-threatening situation. The audience is invested in the characters' safety and the outcome of their mission.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue between Dave and Chris adds context to the scene, highlighting the challenges they face in securing resources for their mission. The communication between Ray and Bayani during the dangerous situation adds tension and emotion.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense action, and the characters' struggle to overcome obstacles.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and intercutting between locations.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a build-up of tension leading to the climax.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from a tense phone conversation to a high-stakes moment at Mount Pinatubo, creating a sense of urgency. However, the intercutting between Dave and Chris's conversation and the action at the crater could be more tightly woven to enhance the tension. The stakes of the phone call should feel more directly connected to Ray's perilous situation.
  • The dialogue between Dave and Chris is functional but lacks emotional depth. While it conveys necessary information about the funding issues and the urgency of the situation, it could benefit from more character-driven dialogue that reveals their personalities and emotional states. For instance, Chris's frustration with the Gulf War could be expressed in a way that reflects his personal stakes in the volcanic situation.
  • The physical action with Ray and Bayani is well-executed, but the stakes could be heightened further. The scene could benefit from a clearer sense of what is at risk if Ray fails to secure the COSPEC device or if he falls. Adding a line or two that emphasizes the importance of the data they are collecting could enhance the tension.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, particularly the imagery of the crater and the volcanic smog. However, the scene could use more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds of the earthquake, the feeling of the ground shaking, or the smell of sulfur could enhance the atmosphere.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the long pause during the phone conversation could be more impactful if it were accompanied by visual cues or reactions from Dave that reflect his growing concern. This would help to build tension before cutting to the action at the crater.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional stakes to the dialogue between Dave and Chris. This could involve personal anecdotes or frustrations that reveal their characters more deeply.
  • Enhance the connection between the phone call and the action at the crater by making it clear how the conversation's outcome directly impacts Ray's situation. For example, if they discuss the urgency of the data Ray is collecting, it would heighten the stakes.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the earthquake, the feeling of the ground shaking, and the oppressive heat or smell of the volcanic environment.
  • Use the long pause in the phone conversation to show Dave's growing anxiety. Perhaps he could glance at the chaos outside his window or fidget with an object on his desk to visually convey his concern.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Ray before he begins his work in the crater, perhaps a brief thought about the potential consequences of their research, to deepen the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 6 -  Tension Between Duty and Urgency
INT. PHIVOLCS BUILDING - RAY'S OFFICE - DAY

INSERT - TOPOGRAPHICAL MAP, which reads: “KRAKATOA VOLCANO”

BACK TO OFFICE - Ray’s fingers scan across the dendritic
drainage systems as his other hand holds a PHONE.

RAY
Krakatoa had 13,000 times the
nuclear yield of the Little Boy
bomb. The shockwave circled the
globe three and a half times. It
dropped the Earth’s temperature for
five years, Chris. Pinatubo is
waking up. And she’s not only the
same size but shares almost the
same historical patterns. When they
erupt it’s not just local damage.
It’s global.


INT. CHRIS’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - SAME TIME

Chris glances over from the PHONE and sees his wife Glenda
helping their son with his homework at the kitchen table. He
turns his attention back toward the phone.

INTERCUT - TELEPHONE CONVERSATION

CHRIS NEWHALL
What’s the population of Angeles
City?

RAY
300,000 and 20,000 at Clark Air
Base but that’s an estimate -- They
won’t return my calls.

CHRIS NEWHALL
What are the rates now?

RAY
30 to 180 earthquakes a day --
Bayani is certain the Luzon quake
rearranged Pinatubo’s plumbing. I’m
ready to order an evacuation six
miles out.

CHRIS NEWHALL
As far as we know it could simply
be purely hydrothermal-

RAY
-Or the ascent of magma.

Both are quiet for a moment.

CHRIS NEWHALL
The Survey doesn’t want us jumping
to any conclusions and I suggest
you don’t either.

RAY
We need the VDAP.

CHRIS NEWHALL
I can’t just drop everything and go
to the Philippines!

Chris looks over toward the kitchen table and just as he
suspected, Glenda has her attention toward him now.

RAY
We need you here, Chris.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Ray's office at PHIVOLCS, he urgently discusses the potential eruption of Mount Pinatubo with Chris over the phone, emphasizing the catastrophic history of Krakatoa and advocating for an evacuation. Chris, at home, grapples with his family responsibilities and is hesitant to act hastily, reflecting a conflict between Ray's urgency and his own caution. The scene highlights the tension of impending disaster against personal obligations, ending with Ray insisting on Chris's expertise, leaving the decision unresolved.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Clear plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Emotional impact could be stronger
  • Character development could be more pronounced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the escalating concern and urgency surrounding the potential volcanic activity, setting the stage for future developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of impending volcanic activity and the global implications are well-developed and drive the narrative forward, adding depth and complexity to the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, setting up the potential eruption of Pinatubo as a central conflict and driving the characters to take action.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique situation involving a potential volcanic eruption and the ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and adds to the tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

Ray and Chris are well-defined characters with clear motivations and concerns, adding depth to the scene and driving the conflict forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there is some development in the characters' perspectives and concerns, the scene focuses more on establishing the conflict and setting up future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to balance his professional responsibilities with his personal life, as he grapples with the decision to leave for a dangerous mission while his family is at home.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to assess the situation with the volcano and make a decision on whether to order an evacuation to prevent a potential disaster.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters' differing perspectives on the volcanic activity at Pinatubo creates tension and drives the plot forward, adding complexity to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face conflicting priorities and ethical dilemmas that add complexity to the narrative. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will resolve their conflicts.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the potential volcanic eruption at Pinatubo are clearly established, adding tension and urgency to the scene and driving the characters to take action.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the plot by introducing the potential eruption of Pinatubo as a central conflict and setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain outcome of the volcanic situation and the conflicting priorities of the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will resolve their dilemmas.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's duty to his job and the safety of others, versus his duty to his family and personal well-being.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of urgency and concern, but the emotional impact is somewhat subdued compared to more dramatic moments in the screenplay.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging and realistic, effectively conveying the tension and urgency of the situation while revealing the characters' personalities and concerns.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes involved, the technical dialogue, and the personal conflicts faced by the characters. The urgency of the situation keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The dialogue and character interactions are well-paced, keeping the scene moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability of the screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear transitions between locations and characters. The dialogue flows smoothly and contributes to the overall narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and tension regarding the potential eruption of Mount Pinatubo. Ray's dialogue about Krakatoa serves as a powerful historical reference that heightens the stakes, but it could benefit from a more personal connection to the characters' motivations. Why is Ray so invested in this? Adding a line that reflects his personal stakes or past experiences could deepen the emotional impact.
  • The intercutting between Ray and Chris's locations is a strong choice, as it visually represents the distance and disconnect between their professional responsibilities and personal lives. However, the scene could enhance this contrast by incorporating more visual cues or actions from Chris that reflect his internal conflict about leaving his family versus the urgency of the situation. This would create a more dynamic interplay between the two characters.
  • The dialogue is informative but occasionally feels expository. While it's important to convey the scientific details, consider weaving in more naturalistic dialogue that reflects the characters' personalities and emotions. For instance, Chris's hesitance could be expressed through more than just his words; perhaps he could be seen fidgeting or glancing at his family, which would visually communicate his internal struggle.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from Ray's urgent warnings to Chris's hesitance could be smoother. The abrupt shift in tone might benefit from a moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the weight of Ray's warnings before Chris responds. This would allow the audience to absorb the gravity of the situation before moving into Chris's more personal concerns.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat unresolved note, which can be effective for building tension. However, it might be beneficial to include a line from Ray that emphasizes the urgency of the situation, reinforcing the need for immediate action. This would leave the audience with a stronger sense of impending danger and the stakes involved.
Suggestions
  • Add a personal stake for Ray in the conversation, such as a past experience with a volcanic eruption that motivates his urgency.
  • Incorporate more visual actions or expressions from Chris that reflect his internal conflict about leaving his family, enhancing the emotional stakes.
  • Revise the dialogue to feel more natural and less expository, allowing characters to express their emotions and personalities more vividly.
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a visual cue after Ray's warnings to emphasize the gravity of the situation before Chris responds.
  • Include a line from Ray at the end that reinforces the urgency of the situation, leaving the audience with a stronger sense of impending danger.



Scene 7 -  Tremors of Tension
INT. USGS HEADQUARTERS - PATTY LIPMAN’S OFFICE - LATER

INSERT - GOLD NAMEPLATE, which reads: “PATTY LIPMAN - USGS
BRANCH CHIEF - VOLCANO HAZARD DEPARTMENT”

BACK TO OFFICE - PATTY LIPMAN (female, early 40s) is sitting
at her desk, clearly aggravated based on her demeanor.

PATTY LIPMAN
Based on your track record I’m
surprised you worked up the courage
to approach me.

DAN MILLER
This is different than Long Valley
Caldera. I gave Mammoth Lakes a 1%
probability of an eruption -- the
same likelihood as an 8.0
earthquake on the San Andreas yet
you never see LA or San Francisco
evacuating do you? I never meant to
cause a panic.

PATTY LIPMAN
But you did. Your team did.

DAN MILLER
We didn’t want to be caught off
guard like we did with St. Helens.

PATTY LIPMAN
And the Survey doesn’t want another
misstep either. Pinatubo could be
the biggest mistake of them all.
And maybe the last one you make.

Patty slides a few PAPERS to Dan. He looks down at them at
the information listed. Patty reads it out loud.

PATTY LIPMAN (CONT’D)
Mexico, Guatemala, Costa Rica.
They’ve already sent out inquiries
for VDAP assistance. If those
inquiries turn into formal
requests... We have enough to worry
about on our own continent.

Dan has a look of defeat.


INT. HOUSE - KITCHEN - CLARK AIR BASE - NIGHT

COLONEL STUDER (male, mid 40s, neatly dressed) is sitting at
his dining table across from his WIFE (age 40) and his SON
(age 10.)

COLONEL STUDER’S WIFE
Janice said her husband saw more
smoke coming from the mountain.

COLONEL STUDER’S SON
Billy said he saw cracks in the
road.

COLONEL STUDER
Filipino geologists have stopped by
but the general is refusing to take
a meeting with them.

COLONEL STUDER’S WIFE
Janice said the air may be toxic
around the mountain and maybe even
unsafe here.

COLONEL STUDER’S SON
Billy said lava could reach our
house.

Colonel Studer takes an aggressive drink of his wine then
clears his throat.

COLONEL STUDER
Both of you need to stop hanging
out with the Millers.

There’s a quiet moment but the son breaks the silence again.

COLONEL STUDER’S SON
Do you know anything about
volcanoes, dad?

Colonel Studer finishes chewing.

COLONEL STUDER
No. I do not.

COLONEL STUDER’S SON
Then maybe you should call someone
that does.

He stops chewing and finally starts to ponder the idea and
that’s when the TABLE BEGINS TO SHAKE from a very mild
earthquake startling the family. It ends quickly.
Genres: ["Drama","Disaster"]

Summary In a tense exchange at the USGS headquarters, Patty Lipman confronts Dan Miller about his alarming predictions of volcanic eruptions, emphasizing the need to avoid further panic as international inquiries arise. Meanwhile, Colonel Studer and his family grapple with their own fears about volcanic activity, culminating in a startling earthquake that underscores the looming danger.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Conflict-driven narrative
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension through the confrontation between Dan and Patty, showcasing the conflicting viewpoints on the potential eruption. The high stakes and sense of urgency are palpable, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of balancing caution and urgency in predicting a volcanic eruption is compelling and drives the conflict in the scene. The scene effectively explores the consequences of missteps in disaster prediction.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the conflict between Dan and Patty regarding the potential eruption of Mount Pinatubo, adding depth to the overall narrative. The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the challenges faced by the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges faced by geologists and officials in monitoring and responding to volcanic activity. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Dan and Patty are well-developed, with distinct personalities and conflicting motivations. Their interactions drive the scene and add layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, the conflict between Dan and Patty reveals more about their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Patty Lipman's internal goal is to maintain control and prevent further panic or missteps in handling the potential volcanic eruption. This reflects her need for competence and authority in her role.

External Goal: 7

Patty Lipman's external goal is to prevent a potential volcanic eruption at Pinatubo and manage the international inquiries for assistance. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in ensuring the safety of others.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Dan and Patty is intense and drives the scene, adding tension and drama. The high stakes involved in predicting the volcanic eruption heighten the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting perspectives and challenges faced by the characters in dealing with the potential volcanic eruption. The audience is left uncertain of how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes involved in predicting the volcanic eruption add tension and urgency to the scene, highlighting the potential consequences of missteps in disaster prediction.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the conflict between Dan and Patty regarding the potential eruption of Mount Pinatubo. The scene adds depth to the narrative and raises questions about the consequences of missteps in disaster prediction.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting perspectives and unexpected events, such as the mild earthquake that startles the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between caution and action in response to natural disasters. Patty and Dan represent different perspectives on how to handle the situation, challenging each other's beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes anxiety and concern in the audience, particularly regarding the potential consequences of missteps in disaster prediction. The emotional impact is heightened by the high stakes involved.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is intense and confrontational, effectively conveying the conflicting viewpoints of the characters. The dialogue drives the conflict and adds depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, conflicting perspectives, and sense of urgency in dealing with a potential natural disaster. The dialogue and actions of the characters keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the conflict and dialogue. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the urgency of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict through dialogue and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between Patty Lipman and Dan Miller, showcasing their differing perspectives on volcanic risk management. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their conflict. Currently, it feels somewhat on-the-nose, with Patty's frustration and Dan's defensiveness being explicitly stated rather than implied through their actions or more nuanced dialogue.
  • The transition between Patty's office and Colonel Studer's home is abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the professional concerns of the USGS with the personal fears of a family, the shift could be smoother. Consider adding a visual or auditory cue that links the two settings, such as a phone ringing or a news report about volcanic activity that plays in both locations.
  • Colonel Studer's character is introduced with a clear sense of authority, but his interactions with his family could be more dynamic. The dialogue feels somewhat flat, and the son's questions could be expanded to show more of his curiosity or fear, which would enhance the emotional stakes of the scene. This would also provide a stronger contrast to the professional stakes discussed in Patty's office.
  • The earthquake at the end of the scene serves as a good dramatic device to heighten tension, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding dialogue. It would be more impactful if the earthquake were foreshadowed earlier in the scene, perhaps through the characters' discussions about volcanic activity or their growing anxiety about the situation.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved. The dialogue exchanges feel rushed, particularly in the transition from Patty's office to Colonel Studer's home. Allowing for more pauses or reactions from the characters could enhance the emotional weight of their conversations and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate subtext into the dialogue between Patty and Dan to create a more layered conflict. For example, instead of Patty directly stating her frustration, she could make a sarcastic remark that hints at her feelings without explicitly stating them.
  • Add a visual or auditory transition between the two settings to create a smoother flow. This could be a news report about volcanic activity that plays in both locations, linking the professional and personal stakes.
  • Develop Colonel Studer's character further by giving his son more lines that express curiosity or fear about the volcano. This would enhance the emotional stakes and provide a stronger contrast to the professional concerns discussed in Patty's office.
  • Foreshadow the earthquake earlier in the scene by having the characters express their anxiety about volcanic activity. This would make the earthquake feel more connected to the dialogue and heighten its dramatic impact.
  • Slow down the pacing of the dialogue exchanges to allow for more emotional weight. Incorporate pauses or reactions from the characters to give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the situation.



Scene 8 -  A Father's Dilemma
EXT. CHRIS’S HOUSE - BACKYARD - DAY

Chris is throwing a baseball with his son.

CHRIS’S SON
Mom says Uncle Ray is in trouble.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Uncle Ray is just having some
trouble with an angry volcano.

CHRIS’S SON
Are people going to get hurt?

Chris hesitates to answer.

GLENDA (O.S.)
(yelling)
It’s for you!

Chris turns his head, sees Glenda hanging halfway outside the
backdoor, holding the PHONE.

Chris is accidentally smacked in the head with the BASEBALL.


INT. CHRIS'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Chris holds an ICE PACK against his head while holding the
PHONE in the other.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Yes, I’m a volcanologists --


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - COLONEL STUDER’S OFFICE - SAME TIME

Colonel Studer is now holding the PHONE.

COLONEL STUDER
How soon can you get here?

INTERCUT - TELEPHONE CONVERSATION

Chris wasn’t ready for that question.

CHRIS NEWHALL
I think it would be a good idea to
contact the local Filipino
geologists first.

COLONEL STUDER
I’m not asking them. I’m asking
you. What exactly do you need?


INT. USGS HEADQUARTERS - CHRIS’S OFFICE - MORNING

A FAX MACHINE IS PRINTING.

Chris quickly retrieves it and begins to read it out-loud to
the PHONE.

CHRIS NEWHALL
“This mission asks that you come to
the Philippines to help us with
Mount Pinatubo. We have a maximum
of $20,000 for this effort. Do not
feel that you have to spend it
all.”

Chris laughs.


INT. VDAP HEADQUARTERS - DAVE’S OFFICE - SAME TIME

Dave is not laughing. He places the PHONE on his forehead in
frustration. He speaks to it again.

INTERCUT - TELEPHONE CONVERSATION

DAVE HARLOW
Well, if you’re going through with
it, you’re going to need to deploy
equipment that may never be
returned and before you even get
your plane ticket you’re already
$80,000 in the red.

CHRIS NEWHALL
That’s why I need your help
convincing him.


INT. CHRIS’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

A SUITCASE ROLLS ALONG THE FLOOR. Chris stops short of the
door and spots Glenda sitting at the table.

CHRIS NEWHALL
One month. That’s it.

GLENDA
You’re lying. You have no idea how
long you’ll be gone.

Glenda glances outside the backyard and sees her son throwing
the baseball up in the air to himself.


GLENDA (CONT’D)
Are you going to tell him?

CHRIS NEWHALL
Do you think this isn’t hard for
me?

GLENDA
It’s hard for him -- for us!
(beat)
Ever since you’ve been back in the
office you’ve been looking for an
excuse to get back out in the
field. It looks like you got your
wish.

CHRIS NEWHALL
You have family there - Ray’s
family -- You know he wouldn’t have
called if this wasn’t big.
(beat)
I have to go.

GLENDA
Then go.

Chris turns away and leaves, looking outside the window at
his son one last time.
Genres: ["Drama","Disaster"]

Summary In this tense scene, Chris plays catch with his son, who worries about Uncle Ray's troubles. After being called inside for a phone call, Chris learns from Colonel Studer about a volcanic crisis in the Philippines, which requires his immediate attention. Despite his initial reluctance and a humorous reaction to the mission's financial offer, Chris faces mounting pressure from both Studer and his colleague Dave Harlow. The situation escalates when Glenda confronts Chris about his decision to leave, expressing her fears for their family. Ultimately, Chris decides to go, casting a final glance at his son before departing.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Effective pacing
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Reliance on dialogue for tension building

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively establishes the emotional conflict within Chris, sets up the urgency of the volcanic crisis, and advances the plot by introducing the mission to the Philippines. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the internal conflict of the character and the external call to action, which are both well-developed and drive the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with the introduction of the mission to the Philippines and the establishment of the high stakes involved. It sets up important events to come.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic 'conflict between work and family' theme by adding the element of a natural disaster. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, especially Chris, whose internal struggle is central to the scene. The dynamics between Chris and Glenda add depth to the character relationships.

Character Changes: 8

Chris undergoes a significant internal change in this scene, as he grapples with his conflicting emotions and ultimately decides to go on the mission. This sets up potential further character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal is to balance his professional responsibilities with his personal obligations to his family. This reflects his deeper need for validation in his career and his fear of letting his family down.

External Goal: 7

Chris's external goal is to respond to the call for help with the volcano eruption and make a decision about his involvement in the mission. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing in his career.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Chris struggles with his desire to help with the crisis and his obligations to his family. The external conflict of the volcanic crisis adds to the tension.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and emotional stakes that create tension and uncertainty for the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as Chris is faced with a critical decision that could have significant consequences. The urgency of the volcanic crisis adds to the high stakes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing the mission to the Philippines and setting up the next phase of the narrative. It raises the stakes and increases the urgency of the situation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' decisions and the tension between conflicting goals.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Chris's duty to his family and his duty to his profession. This challenges his beliefs about sacrifice and commitment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, as Chris's internal conflict is palpable and relatable. The stakes are raised, and the urgency of the situation is effectively conveyed.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and the situation. It effectively conveys the emotional conflict and sets up the mission.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflict, and realistic dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the characters' decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension with quieter, emotional beats, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' choices.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and intercut telephone conversations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the personal stakes for Chris Newhall, balancing his family life with the urgency of the volcanic crisis. However, the transition between the backyard and the phone call could be smoother to maintain the flow of tension. The abrupt shift from a light-hearted moment with his son to a serious conversation with Colonel Studer feels jarring and could benefit from a more gradual build-up.
  • Chris's dialogue with his son is relatable and adds emotional depth, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his internal conflict. Instead of just hesitating to answer his son's question about potential harm, Chris could express more visible concern or fear, which would heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The intercutting between Chris's conversation with Colonel Studer and Dave Harlow is effective in showcasing the contrasting reactions to the situation. However, the dialogue could be tightened to avoid redundancy. For instance, Chris's line about needing help convincing Studer could be more direct and impactful.
  • Glenda's character is introduced as a source of tension, but her motivations could be clearer. While she expresses frustration, providing a specific example of how Chris's work has affected their family could strengthen her argument and make her character more relatable.
  • The scene ends with Chris looking out at his son, which is a poignant moment, but it could be more visually striking. Instead of just a glance, consider describing his son's actions in a way that emphasizes the innocence and vulnerability of childhood in contrast to the adult world's dangers.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Chris visibly struggles with his decision to leave, perhaps by showing him hesitating before packing his suitcase or looking at family photos. This would deepen the emotional impact of his choice.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Chris and Glenda by incorporating more specific examples of past experiences that have strained their relationship due to his work. This would provide context for her frustration and make their conflict more relatable.
  • To improve the transition between the backyard scene and the phone call, consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue that signifies the shift in tone, such as a sudden change in the weather or a distant rumble that foreshadows the volcanic crisis.
  • Make the intercutting between Chris's phone call and Dave's reaction more dynamic by incorporating visual elements that reflect their emotional states, such as Chris pacing while on the phone and Dave's frustration manifesting in physical actions, like running his hands through his hair.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic visual, such as Chris's son throwing the baseball and it landing near the suitcase, symbolizing the conflict between family and duty. This would create a stronger visual metaphor for Chris's internal struggle.



Scene 9 -  High Stakes at the Bar
INT. BAR - NIGHT

Two beers are placed on the table as Dan Miller sits across
from Chris and Dave.

DAN MILLER
If there is an emergency here in
the States I’m the one who has to
break the news that all the
tiltmeters are in the Philippines.

DAVE HARLOW
Nobody is going to miss those
anyway.

CHRIS NEWHALL
I already have my team selected.
Lockhart, Ewert-

DAVE HARLOW
(surprised)
-No -- Ewert’s staying with me.


CHRIS NEWHALL
I need you both.

DAVE HARLOW
This is my last chance at salvaging
my career, Chris. If we don’t get
this published-

CHRIS NEWHALL
-I don’t want this to be another
Armero tragedy either. You were the
point man on that one.

DAVE HARLOW
Don’t even go there with me! I was
on my way to the airport when the
Survey pulled the plug-

CHRIS NEWHALL
-And I don’t want to make that same
mistake!

DAVE HARLOW
Take Lockhart. He knows these
instruments well and you’ll need
his energy. But Ewert and I -- I’m
sorry, Chris.

DAN MILLER
So you have a team of two-

CHRIS NEWHALL
-Three. Rick Hoblitt.

DAN MILLER
Bullshit. He won’t agree to it.

CHRIS NEWHALL
I have family there, Dan. Please.

Dan lowers his head. He understands what is at stake.

DAN MILLER
Look, I’ll buy you a little bit of
time but if I can’t get approval
before the Survey finds out you’re
already there -- It’s over. And I
don’t just mean this mission, I’m
talking about our careers. If we
fuck this up it’s over for all of
us. And do yourself a favor, keep
Rick Hoblitt out of this. His days
chasing after angry volcanoes are
over.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense bar discussion, Dan Miller mediates a heated debate between Chris Newhall and Dave Harlow over the selection of a team for a critical mission involving tiltmeters in the Philippines. Chris is adamant about including Ewert, while Dave defends his own career interests, leading to a conflict that remains unresolved. Dan acknowledges the urgency and risks, ultimately agreeing to buy them time but stressing the need to exclude Rick Hoblitt from the mission due to his past. The scene captures the gravity of their situation, underscored by the characters' body language and the casual yet serious atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Character depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency through the dialogue and the high stakes involved. The conflict is palpable, and the emotional impact is strong, setting up a pivotal moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of facing a critical decision that could have far-reaching consequences is compelling and drives the narrative forward. The scene effectively conveys the importance of the characters' choices.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, setting up a major turning point in the story. The conflict and stakes are heightened, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique mission and conflict, with authentic character interactions that add depth to the narrative. The dialogue feels natural and drives the plot forward.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' motivations and internal struggles are well-defined in this scene, adding layers to their personalities and driving their actions. The interactions between the characters are engaging and reveal their depth.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo internal conflicts and make tough decisions that could potentially change the course of their careers. Their choices in this scene reveal their values and priorities.

Internal Goal: 8

Dan Miller's internal goal is to secure approval for the mission and ensure the success of the team, reflecting his need for validation and professional success.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to assemble a team for a mission and secure approval for it, reflecting the immediate challenge of organizing a successful expedition.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving personal, professional, and ethical dilemmas. The characters are faced with difficult choices that could have significant repercussions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and uncertain outcomes that create tension and drive the plot forward.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, both personally and professionally, as the characters face a decision that could impact their careers and reputations. The outcome of this choice is crucial for their future.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a critical decision point and escalating the conflict. It sets the stage for the next phase of the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the characters' conflicting goals and uncertain outcomes, keeping the audience guessing about the mission's success.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the characters' differing perspectives on past failures and the importance of the current mission. It challenges their beliefs about responsibility and redemption.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene evokes strong emotions from the characters and the audience, creating a sense of urgency and tension. The high stakes and personal stakes add to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and the gravity of the situation. It drives the scene forward and enhances the overall tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tense atmosphere, and realistic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining audience interest, with a natural flow of dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear dialogue attribution and scene descriptions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a typical format for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear character interactions and progression of the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension among the characters, particularly the conflict between Chris's urgency to act and Dave's personal stakes in salvaging his career. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, instead of directly stating their concerns, characters could hint at their fears and motivations, allowing the audience to infer the deeper implications of their words.
  • The pacing of the scene feels somewhat rushed, particularly in the exchanges between Chris and Dave. While the urgency of the situation is clear, slowing down the dialogue to allow for pauses and reactions could heighten the tension and give the audience a moment to absorb the gravity of their discussion.
  • Dan's role as a mediator is crucial, but his character could be fleshed out further. Adding a line or two that reveals his own stakes in the situation would make his character more relatable and deepen the conflict. For example, a brief mention of his own career pressures or personal connections to the mission could add layers to his character.
  • The use of the bar setting is appropriate for a tense discussion, but it could be enhanced with more sensory details. Describing the atmosphere, such as the sounds of clinking glasses or muffled conversations, could immerse the audience in the scene and reflect the characters' emotional states.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a distinct voice for each character. Ensuring that each character has a unique way of speaking can help differentiate them and make the scene more engaging. For instance, Chris could use more technical jargon related to volcanology, while Dave might express his frustration with more colloquial language.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate subtext into the dialogue to reveal characters' deeper fears and motivations without explicitly stating them. This will create a more engaging and layered conversation.
  • Slow down the pacing of the dialogue to allow for pauses and reactions, which can heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the stakes of the situation.
  • Develop Dan's character further by adding lines that reveal his own stakes in the mission, making him more relatable and enhancing the conflict.
  • Enhance the bar setting with sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene and reflect the characters' emotional states.
  • Give each character a distinct voice in their dialogue to differentiate them and make the scene more engaging. This can be achieved through unique speech patterns, vocabulary, or emotional expressions.



Scene 10 -  Eruption Excitement
EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - HILLSIDE - MORNING

INSERT - NOTEBOOK, which reads: “6:26am - Summit not visible.
At least rain stopped.”

BACK TO HILLSIDE - RICK HOBLITT (early 30s, shaggy hair)
stops writing because his stool begins to wobble. He looks up
at the SUMMIT OF MOUNT ST. HELENS just as the clouds begin to
part.

SUPER: Coldwater Observation Post - Mount St. Helens - Spring
1980

STEAM SUDDENLY SHOOTS FROM THE TOP OF THE VOLCANO.

RICK HOBLITT
Holy shit!

Rick grabs the RADIO as he watches the STEAM shoot from the
crater.

RICK HOBLITT (CONT’D)
This is Coldwater, we have our
first eruption, over!

A small smile sneaks onto Rick’s face.

RICK HOBLITT (CONT’D)
(to himself)
It’s one hell of a show.


EXT. COLORADO GEOLOGICAL SURVEY - OFFICE - MORNING

INSERT - DOOR NAMEPLATE, which reads: “DWIGHT RAYMOND
CRANDELL” but the DWIGHT and RAYMOND is covered in WHITE TAPE
and written over it is: “ROCKY.”

SUPER: Colorado Geological Survey - Denver Colorado

Dan Miller (10 years younger, longer hair, less grays) is
standing in the corner of the office while ROCKY (male, late
50s) is seated at his desk.

ROCKY
Do you realize you’re the only
person in the world hoping for this
volcano to explode?

DAN MILLER
I have been staring at a rock under
a microscope for six months.
There’s only so much I can take.


A PHONE RING interrupts them. Rocky answers.

ROCKY
This is Rocky.
(pause)
I thought the earthquake was 15
miles north? Yeah, yeah, I’ll tell
him.

Rocky looks up at Dan.

ROCKY (CONT’D)
Mullineaux said Mount St. Helens
had a small eruption.

Dan starts doing a little jig from pure excitement.

ROCKY (CONT’D)
(talking to the phone)
Yeah, he’s excited. He’s dancing.
Yeah, actually dancing, I’m not
kidding.


EXT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - MORNING

A large crowd of people block the brick building.

Rocky, Dan Miller, and now MULLINEAUX (mid 60s, gray hair,
seasoned volcanologist) speed walk through the crowd and
arrive to the front entrance where Rick Hoblitt is already
standing there to greet them.

SUPER: US Forest Service Headquarters - Vancouver, Washington


INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Mullineaux, Rocky, Dan, and Rick are escorted down a long
hallway by the FOREST SERVICE MANAGER (short, glasses, unsure
of himself.) They walk and talk.

FOREST SERVICE MANAGER
So what the hell was it?

DAN MILLER
St. Helens is clearing her throat.

The forest service manager clearly isn’t following. Rick
realizes it. He faces the forest service manager as they
continue to walk down the hallway.


RICK HOBLITT
A phreatic eruption. With all that
snow and ice on the peak and this
volcano warming up, that water gets
locked inside and becomes
superheated. Imagine putting a
gallon of milk inside of a
refrigerator and it suddenly
flashes to steam.

FOREST SERVICE MANAGER
It would make an instant
cappuccino?

RICK HOBLITT
It would blow the walls off your
kitchen.

FOREST SERVICE MANAGER
Jesus. These people are going to
have a lot of questions.
Genres: ["Drama","Disaster"]

Summary At Coldwater Observation Post on Mount St. Helens, Rick Hoblitt witnesses the volcano's first eruption and excitedly reports it over the radio. In Denver, Dan Miller, eager for volcanic activity, receives the news from Rocky. The scene shifts to the US Forest Service Headquarters, where Rick, Rocky, Dan, and Mullineaux gather to discuss the eruption. Rick explains the phreatic eruption to a confused Forest Service Manager, highlighting the tension between the excitement of the scientists and the manager's bewilderment about the event's implications.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Informative elements
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • External conflict focus

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines excitement with informative elements, creating a tense atmosphere. The dialogue is engaging and provides valuable insights into the volcanic eruption process.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a volcanic eruption and its impact is well-executed, providing valuable information while maintaining a high level of engagement.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is engaging and moves the story forward by introducing a significant event that will likely have repercussions on the characters and the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to depicting a volcanic eruption, focusing on the scientific process and human reactions in a realistic and engaging manner.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities that shine through in their interactions and reactions to the eruption event.

Character Changes: 7

While the characters react to the eruption event, there is limited internal change or growth within the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Rick's internal goal is to witness and report on the eruption of Mount St. Helens, reflecting his desire for excitement and adventure.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to accurately report on the eruption and ensure the safety of the surrounding area.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is tension and excitement in the scene, the conflict is more external (the eruption event) rather than internal to the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and knowledge about the volcanic eruption creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high due to the eruption event, which poses a significant threat to the characters and the surrounding environment.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major event that will likely have lasting consequences on the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected elements, such as the forest service manager's lack of understanding and Rick's expertise, creating tension and conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the forest service manager's lack of understanding of the volcanic eruption process and Rick's expertise and knowledge. This challenges the manager's beliefs and values about natural disasters.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of excitement and tension, but the emotional impact is somewhat limited due to the focus on the eruption event.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is informative, engaging, and adds depth to the scene by providing valuable insights into the volcanic eruption process.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with well-developed characters and realistic dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and moving the story forward at a compelling pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following industry standards for screenplay format.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic and suspenseful moment in a disaster film, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the excitement and tension surrounding the volcanic eruption, particularly through Rick's reactions. However, the transition from Rick's initial excitement to the more technical discussion with the Forest Service Manager could be smoother. The abrupt shift in tone may confuse the audience, as it moves from a personal moment of triumph to a more clinical explanation.
  • The dialogue between Rick and the Forest Service Manager is informative but could benefit from more emotional stakes. While the technical explanation is necessary, it risks losing the audience's engagement. Adding a personal touch or a sense of urgency to Rick's explanation could enhance the scene's impact.
  • The character of Rick Hoblitt is introduced well, showcasing his enthusiasm and expertise. However, the scene could further develop his character by including a brief moment of reflection on what this eruption means for him personally, perhaps referencing past experiences or his motivations for being in volcanology.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial excitement is quickly followed by a more drawn-out technical discussion, which may lose the audience's attention. Balancing the pacing by interspersing moments of tension or urgency throughout the dialogue could maintain engagement.
  • The visual elements, such as the inserts of the notebook and nameplate, are effective in establishing context. However, the scene could benefit from more dynamic visuals that reflect the chaos and excitement of the eruption, such as reactions from the crowd outside or the atmosphere in the Forest Service HQ.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Rick reflects on the significance of the eruption for him personally, perhaps by recalling a past experience or expressing his hopes for the future of volcanology.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Rick and the Forest Service Manager by incorporating more emotional stakes or urgency, making it clear why this eruption is critical beyond just the scientific implications.
  • To improve pacing, intersperse moments of tension or excitement throughout the technical dialogue, perhaps by showing reactions from the crowd or the urgency of the situation as they discuss the eruption.
  • Explore the dynamics between the characters more deeply, perhaps by showing how their relationships influence their reactions to the eruption, adding layers to their interactions.
  • Consider using more dynamic visuals to convey the excitement and chaos of the eruption, such as showing the crowd's reactions or the atmosphere in the office, to enhance the overall impact of the scene.



Scene 11 -  Eruption of Doubt
INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - CONFERENCE ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Mullineaux, Rocky, Dan, and Rick are standing in front of a
crowded room of all walks of life -- POLICE OFFICERS, PARK
RANGERS, STATE DEPT. EMPLOYEES, TIMBER OWNERS, LOGGERS,
REPORTERS...

FOREST SERVICE MANAGER
Let me introduce you to the team
that will be monitoring St. Helens.
Donal Mullineaux and Dwight-

ROCKY
-Rocky-

FOREST SERVICE MANAGER
-Rocky Crandell. They have over
thirty years of experience with the
Cascade Volcanic Arc, including
Mount Hood, Mount Rainier, and many
others.

Mullineaux steps forward.

MULLINEAUX
Helens has erupted before and I
predict it could very well erupt
again before the end of this
century.

The TIMBER OWNER (of course he’s in flannel) stands up.


TIMBER OWNER
Will it erupt soon!?

MULLINEAUX
We cannot predict that.

A STATE DEPT. EMPLOYEE (dressed in a suit) stands up.

STATE DEPT. EMPLOYEE
You mean to tell me that we as a
nation can send a man to the moon
but you can’t predict if a volcano
will erupt or not?

MULLINEAUX
That is absolutely correct.

The MURMURS in the crowd get louder until a logger speaks.

LOGGER
It’s a mountain! A mountain! My
entire family has lived and worked
on St. Helens their entire lives!
How dangerous can it really be!?

Rocky steps in.

ROCKY
I understand how difficult it is to
have four strangers show up at your
doorstep and announce that you have
an active volcano in your backyard
but I promise we are going to do
our best at monitoring the
situation and educating everyone in
the process.

COUNTY POLITICIAN
It’s just a bunch of crooks cooked
up by the federal forestry service!

LOCAL RESIDENT
Or one of them environmentalists to
delay the big development at Spirit
Lake!

That one gets a good cheer from the crowd.

TIMBER OWNER
I’ll tell you all what it is! It’s
a bunch of liberal scientists
trying to take away our American
freedoms!
Genres: ["Drama","Disaster"]

Summary In a tense conference at the Forest Service HQ, Donal Mullineaux warns a skeptical audience about the potential dangers of Mount St. Helens erupting again. Despite his reassurances, frustration mounts as local residents, including a timber owner and a county politician, accuse the experts of dishonesty and ulterior motives. The atmosphere is charged with distrust as the crowd challenges the team's credibility, culminating in accusations that the warnings are a ploy against development.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable reactions from some characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and emotional turmoil surrounding the volcanic crisis, with well-developed conflict and character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the complexities of monitoring a volcanic eruption amidst public skepticism is engaging and well-developed.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is engaging and moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts and establishing the central dilemma of monitoring the volcanic activity.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the disaster genre by focusing on the human reactions and conflicting beliefs surrounding a potential natural disaster. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions effectively convey the emotional and professional challenges they face in the midst of the crisis.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience shifts in their perspectives and priorities, particularly in response to the escalating crisis, adding depth to their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to convince the audience of the seriousness of the situation regarding the potential eruption of Mount St. Helens and to gain their trust in his expertise and intentions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to educate and inform the audience about the risks associated with the volcano and to gain their cooperation in monitoring the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with high levels of conflict, both internal and external, as the characters navigate the challenges of monitoring a volcanic eruption amidst public skepticism.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome. The audience is left uncertain about how the situation will unfold, adding suspense and drama to the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters grapple with the potential eruption of a volcano and the public skepticism surrounding their expertise, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, establishing character dynamics, and setting up the central dilemma of monitoring the volcanic activity.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and conflicting beliefs among the characters, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome of the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between scientific knowledge and traditional beliefs, as well as the tension between individual freedoms and collective safety. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the importance of scientific expertise and the need for community cooperation in the face of natural disasters.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in capturing the anxiety and tension surrounding the volcanic crisis.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense and realistic, capturing the conflicting viewpoints and emotions of the characters involved in the volcanic crisis.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, conflicting perspectives, and sharp dialogue that create tension and suspense. The emotional reactions of the characters draw the audience into the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through the characters' interactions and reactions. The rhythm of the dialogue and narrative descriptions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre with clear scene headings, character introductions, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character dynamics.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre by setting up the conflict, introducing the characters, and establishing the stakes of the situation. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between the scientific community and the local populace, showcasing their skepticism and fear regarding the potential eruption of Mount St. Helens. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individuality and make the audience more invested in their perspectives.
  • The use of humor, particularly through the logger's and timber owner's comments, adds levity to an otherwise serious topic, but it risks undermining the gravity of the situation. Balancing humor with the urgency of the volcanic threat is crucial to maintain the scene's tension.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Mullineaux's introduction to the audience's reactions. Allowing for more pauses or reactions from the crowd could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the implications of the scientists' statements.
  • The scene lacks a clear protagonist or focal point among the scientists. While Mullineaux and Rocky are introduced, their roles could be more defined to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience. Establishing a lead character who embodies the scientific perspective could help ground the scene.
  • The dialogue from the audience members, while reflective of their concerns, could be more varied in tone and content. Each character's motivations and backgrounds could be hinted at through their dialogue, making them more relatable and enhancing the stakes of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each character a unique way of speaking or specific phrases that reflect their background and personality. This will help the audience differentiate between them and create a more engaging dynamic.
  • Introduce a moment of silence or a significant reaction from the crowd after Mullineaux's prediction to emphasize the weight of his words. This can create a more dramatic effect and allow the audience to feel the tension in the room.
  • Incorporate a moment where one of the scientists shares a personal story or connection to the volcano, which could humanize them and make their warnings more impactful to the audience and the characters in the room.
  • Add a visual element that captures the audience's reactions, such as close-ups of concerned faces or a shot of the crowd murmuring, to enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive statement or action from the scientists that underscores their commitment to monitoring the volcano, reinforcing their role as protectors and experts in the face of public skepticism.



Scene 12 -  Volcanic Threats and Urgent Decisions
INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - MULLINEAUX & ROCKY’S OFFICE - LATER

A TOPOGRAPHICAL MAP OF MOUNT ST. HELENS is rolled out on a
desk. Mullineaux, Rocky, Dan, and Rick are gathered it.

MULLINEAUX
This isn’t a storm warning. That’s
tangible. Bad weather can be seen
on the horizon. What’s happening
here is out of sight. We need to
map out a hazard zone and have the
science to back it up or no one
going to take it serious.

DAN MILLER
Rick’s your guy.

Rick, at first caught off guard, but appreciates the trust
Dan Miller has in him. He begins to trace his hand from St
Helens peak down the slopes.

RICK HOBLITT
We can assume that future eruptions
will roughly be of the same
frequency and scale as those which
occurred in the past.

THE EVENTS RICK BEGINS TO DESCRIBE COME TO LIFE IN FLASHES

SERIES OF SHOTS:

RICK HOBLITT (CONT’D)
Thousands of tons of melted snow
and ice would flow like a tidal
wave.

1. A DAM IS DESTROYED BY A VIOLENT RUSHING WALL OF WATER.

RICK HOBLITT (CONT’D)
Pyroclastic flows would blast
outward a hurricane speeds. Nothing
will survive within this circle.

2. A GIANT BLACK CLOUD OF ASH RUSHES DOWN A CLIFF.

3. TREES ARE BLOWN OVER BY THE HURRICANE WINDS

With the tension in the room now palpable, Mullineaux looks
at Rocky.

MULLINEAUX
We’re also going to need an expert
in explosive volcanoes.


INT. AUGUSTINE ISLAND VOLCANO - HELICOPTER - DAY

The turbulent wind and snow through the window clears
revealing a snow covered volcanic island in the distance.

SUPER: Four Years Earlier - Augustine Island Volcano, Alaska -
January 22, 1976

DAVID JOHNSTON (Male, mid 20s, dressed in winter gear) looks
over at his field assistant HARRY GLICKEN (early 20s, also
dressed in full winter gear) but neither say a word.


EXT. AUGUSTINE ISLAND VOLCANO - SUMMIT - CONTINUOUS

The HELICOPTER landing gear makes contact with the icy
surface as the HAUL DOORS open and the wind and snow rushes
in. David and Harry struggle to exit in the BLIZZARD
conditions.

David waves toward the helicopter pilot signaling him to take
off. The HELICOPTER raises up but an INTENSE GUST OF WIND
SLAPS IT DOWN VIOLENTLY as the ROTORS CLIP THE GROUND and
DISINTEGRATE. The SKIDS FLY IN ALL DIRECTIONS. The HELICOPTER
CRUMBLES AND ROLLS down a small steep incline leaving just a
plexiglas and aluminum ball with a pilot trapped inside.

Unbeknownst to them, the HELICOPTER stops short of a massive
cliff. Harry removes his PICKAXE that was attached to the
side of his pack and rushes to the windshield of the cockpit.
The helicopter teeters on the edge. He smashes it open as
Dave moves from behind and pulls the pilot free from the
wreckage just as the helicopter tips over the edge and falls
into the misty bottom with a loud CRASH and BOOM. The three
men give out a sigh of relief.


EXT. AUGUSTINE ISLAND ALASKA - SUMMIT - LATER

David and Harry help the pilot hike up the steep slope.
Through the mist they spot a SHED. They slowly approach it.


INT. AUGUSTINE ISLAND ALASKA - OLD SHED - LATER

The ground shakes beneath them and the wind is roaring
outside. Duct tape is patched over a hole in the ceiling by
David.

A cooled LAVA BOMB is picked up by Harry.

The pilot rummages through old rations from a crate.


EXT. AUGUSTINE ISLAND VOLCANO - CRATER - LATER

David, carrying his COSPEC DEVICE, slowly peaks over the
crest of the crater.

He sets down the COSPEC DEVICE and aims it toward the crater.
The ground shakes beneath his feet. He can sense this volcano
is incredibly unstable.


INT. AUGUSTINE ISLAND VOLCANO - OLD SHED - MORNING

EMPTY CANS now lay around the shed. The rations are gone.

SUPER: Three Days Later

David, Harry, and the pilot look exhausted and are shivering.

DAVID JOHNSTON
S02 is decreasing.

Harry slowly looks over at David.

HARRY GLICKEN
Maybe she’s settling down.

All of a sudden the sound of ROTORS SPINNING is heard
thumping outside their shed.

David opens the shed door revealing a RESCUE HELICOPTER
landing next to them.
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Adventure"]

Summary In the Forest Service HQ, Mullineaux, Rocky, Dan, and Rick discuss the imminent dangers posed by Mount St. Helens, emphasizing the need for scientific mapping of hazard zones. Rick outlines the catastrophic potential of future eruptions, escalating the tension in the room. The scene transitions to a flashback of a helicopter crash at the Augustine Island Volcano, showcasing the resilience of David Johnston and Harry Glicken during a rescue operation. The urgency to prepare for volcanic threats looms large as the characters grapple with the invisible dangers ahead.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Informative dialogue
  • Seamless flashback integration
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Limited emotional depth in present-day interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, engaging, and effectively sets up the impending volcanic crisis. The dialogue is informative and keeps the audience on edge, while the flashback adds a layer of complexity to the characters' experiences.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a volcanic crisis and the expertise required to handle such situations is well-developed in the scene. The flashback adds a unique element to the narrative and showcases the characters' knowledge and experience.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the discussion of a potential volcanic crisis and the need for expert advice. The flashback adds depth to the narrative and sets up the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of scientific accuracy and dramatic visualization to depict the potential hazards of a volcanic eruption. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined and showcase their expertise in handling volcanic crises. The flashback adds layers to their personalities and experiences, making them more relatable and engaging.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the flashback adds depth to the characters' experiences and expertise, showcasing their growth and development over time.

Internal Goal: 8

Rick's internal goal is to prove his expertise and gain the trust of his colleagues. This reflects his desire for recognition and validation in his field.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to map out a hazard zone and provide scientific evidence to support it, in order to ensure that the potential dangers of Mount St. Helens are taken seriously.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene revolves around the potential volcanic crisis and the need for expert advice. The tension between the characters adds to the suspense and urgency of the situation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face potential hazards and challenges in predicting and preparing for a volcanic eruption. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of the situation and the characters' reactions to it.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters discuss the potential dangers of volcanic eruptions and the need for expert advice. The flashback adds a sense of urgency and importance to the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the impending volcanic crisis and the expertise required to handle it. The flashback adds context to the narrative and enhances the plot progression.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected challenges and obstacles, such as the potential hazards of a volcanic eruption and the characters' reactions to them.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between scientific evidence and human perception. Mullineaux emphasizes the need for tangible proof, while Rick relies on his expertise and predictions based on past events.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes feelings of anxiety, relief, and hope as the characters discuss the impending volcanic crisis and the expertise required to handle it. The flashback adds an emotional depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is informative, tense, and keeps the audience engaged. It effectively conveys the urgency of the situation and the expertise of the characters involved.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it effectively combines scientific information with dramatic visuals, creating a sense of urgency and tension. The dialogue and action keep the audience invested in the characters' goals and challenges.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and visual descriptions that maintain the tension and urgency of the situation. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' goals and challenges.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre. The use of visual cues and descriptive language enhances the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the urgency of the previous discussion about the dangers of Mount St. Helens to a more focused examination of the scientific aspects of volcanic activity. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional stakes to enhance the tension. The characters are discussing life-and-death scenarios, yet their exchanges feel somewhat clinical and detached.
  • The use of flashbacks to illustrate Rick's descriptions of potential disasters is a strong visual choice, but the execution could be improved. The transitions between the present discussion and the flashbacks could be smoother, perhaps by using sound or visual cues that connect the two timelines more seamlessly.
  • While the scene introduces the character of David Johnston and hints at his importance, it lacks a clear connection to the main narrative. The flashback feels somewhat disjointed from the current urgency of the situation at Forest Service HQ. Establishing a stronger link between Rick's warnings and the flashback could enhance the narrative flow.
  • The dialogue, particularly Mullineaux's lines, could be more dynamic. Instead of stating the need for a hazard zone and scientific backing, consider incorporating more urgency or emotional weight to convey the gravity of the situation. This would help to engage the audience more deeply.
  • The scene ends with a cliffhanger regarding the need for an expert in explosive volcanoes, which is effective for building suspense. However, it could be strengthened by providing a hint of who that expert might be or what the immediate next steps will be, creating a clearer path forward for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Add more emotional depth to the dialogue by incorporating personal stakes for the characters. For example, have them express fears about the potential loss of life or their own families, which would heighten the tension.
  • Consider using more visual and auditory cues to transition between the present and the flashbacks. This could include sound effects that mimic the volcanic activity or visual motifs that connect the two timelines.
  • Strengthen the connection between Rick's warnings and the flashback by having him reference specific past experiences that relate directly to the current discussion, making the flashback feel more integral to the narrative.
  • Revise Mullineaux's dialogue to include more urgency and emotional resonance. Instead of simply stating the need for a hazard zone, he could express frustration or fear about the consequences of inaction, making the stakes clearer.
  • Provide a clearer indication of the next steps at the end of the scene, such as mentioning potential candidates for the expert role or outlining immediate actions the team plans to take, to maintain narrative momentum.



Scene 13 -  Volcanic Tensions
INT. RESCUE HELICOPTER - MOMENTS LATER

David, Harry, and the pilot are sitting in the back as they
watch the island volcano move further away as the helicopter
lifts off when SUDDENLY A FLASH OF LIGHT and a massive
EXPLOSION is seen coming from the volcano’s crater.

The helicopter strafes and avoids falling LAVA BOMBS as
smaller rocks pelt the exterior. They narrowly escape.


INT. UW - SEISMIC MONITORING ROOM - DAY

Harry Glicken looks at the SEISMOMETER DRUM then glances over
at David Johnston who is sitting at his desk looking at the
S02 REPORTS.

SUPER: Four Years Later - Spring 1980 - University of
Washington Seismology Headquarters


HARRY GLICKEN
The quakes are happening right
beneath her.

DAVID JOHNSTON
High levels of hydrogen sulfide
too.

MALONE (late 50s, David and Harry’s supervisor) approaches
them.

MALONE
So it’s associated with magma?

David looks up and nods with agreement.

MALONE (CONT’D)
I made a deal with the Seattle
news. I promised them a story if
they gave us a chopper.
(beat)
The Survey wants someone to
represent us.

Both David and Harry perk up.

DAVID JOHNSTON
We’re in. I mean, are you asking
us?

Malone loves the enthusiasm but he looks at exclusively at
David.

MALONE
I’m asking you, David.

DAVID JOHNSTON
Harry and I do this as a team.

Harry understands the situation.

HARRY GLICKEN
You’ll be all right without me.

DAVID JOHNSTON
No. We do this as a team.


INT. HELICOPTER - LATER

David and Harry look up at the SEATTLE NEWS CREW seated on
the other side (all dressed in WINTER PARKAS.) They turn
their attention toward the window where MOUNT ST. HELENS
snowy peak is visible.


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - FRONT ENTRANCE - MORNING

A CLOSED SIGN hangs on a gate at the entrance as a crowd of
people congregate around the road snapping pictures.

DAVID JOHNSTON (O.S.)
This mountain is heating up. Magma
is rising. It looks like there is a
very good chance at a large
eruption.

A FORD BRONCO moves past the line of cars and crowds of
people and stops at the gate. The PARK RANGER opens it and
the Bronco continues through.


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - NORTH SLOPE - PARKING LOT - SAME TIME

A HELICOPTER has landed on a parking lot and standing a few
meters away, the Seattle news crew is holding CAMERAS and
microphones, pointing at a nervous David Johnston.

DAVID JOHNSTON
If there is an explosion, it is
possible that very, very hot
incandescent debris could come down
on all sides-


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - NORTH SLOPE - BACKROAD - SAME TIME

Rick exits the Bronco and looks at Mount St. Helens from a
distance, while bending down, and scooping up a handful of
dirt from the road.

DAVID JOHNSTON (O.S.)
-But right now, there’s a very
great hazard that on this side, the
north side, that the glacier is
breaking up. That could produce a
very large avalanche.

Rick’s palms opens as the wind takes the dirt away.


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - NORTH SLOPE - PARKING LOT - SAME TIME

The CAMERA OPERATOR peeks around his viewfinder and looks at
David, waiting for him to have a closing statement.

DAVID JOHNSTON
This is not a good site to be in.


INT. LOCAL BAR - NIGHT

INSERT - TELEVISION, which shows: DAVID JOHNSTON’S INTERVIEW

DAVID JOHNSTON
(on TV)
The fuse is lit but we don’t know
how long it is.

BACK TO LOCAL BAR - Mullineaux, Rocky, Dan, Rick, David, and
Harry are all sitting around a high top table.

HARRY GLICKEN
That’s a great line!

They all share a laugh as the WAITRESS walks over holding two
more pitchers of beer to their surprise.

WAITRESS
Harry Truman insisted --

The waitress sets down the beer at their table as the
volcanologists see the old man at the bar, HARRY TRUMAN (age
83) starting to gather his coat to leave.

WAITRESS (CONT’D)
He’s the owner of the Spirit Lake
Lodge at the base of St. Helens.

Harry throws on his coat and walks toward the exit but stops
short. He turns back toward the volcanologists.

HARRY TRUMAN
I stuck it out for fifty-four years
and I can stick it out another
fifty-four! Not a god-damn thing is
gonna make me leave me home!
Especially no archeologists!

He exits with a SLAM.

David Johnson corrects him even though he’s already left.

DAVID JOHNSTON
Volcanologists. We’re
volcanologists.


INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - HALLWAY - MORNING

TELEPHONES ARE RINGING CONSTANTLY.


Dan guides Rick through the hallway toward his office. Rick
peers into Mullineaux and Rocky’s office, and sees them
frantically answering calls.

DAN MILLER
You don’t want to get involved in
that game. You’re better off on the
mountain.

RICK HOBLITT
Who the hell is calling?

DAN MILLER
Press, local authorities,
reporters, you name it. The last
time we had an eruption in the
Cascade Volcanic Arc was Lassen
Peak in 1914. Everybody wants a
little piece of St. Helens.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, David and Harry, along with their pilot, narrowly escape a volcanic explosion, setting the stage for their work at the University of Washington Seismology Headquarters four years later. David insists on including Harry in a news story about the seismic activity at Mount St. Helens, where he warns of potential hazards during an interview. Meanwhile, local resident Harry Truman defiantly refuses to evacuate his home despite the looming danger, highlighting the conflict between scientific urgency and local resistance. The scene concludes with Rick and Dan discussing the media's growing interest in the volcano.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • High stakes and urgency
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
  • Some dialogue may feel exposition-heavy

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the imminent danger of the volcanic eruption, creates tension among the characters, and provides crucial information about the potential hazards. The dialogue is informative and engaging, keeping the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a volcanic crisis and the impending eruption of Mount St. Helens is intriguing and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and the urgency of the situation, setting the stage for future developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is engaging, with a clear focus on the volcanic crisis and the characters' reactions to the impending disaster. The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts and establishing the central conflict of the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges of monitoring volcanic activity and the ethical dilemmas faced by scientists in such situations. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive their actions. The interactions between the characters add depth to the scene and set up potential conflicts for future developments.

Character Changes: 8

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' perspectives and motivations, the scene primarily focuses on setting up the conflict and establishing the stakes. Future developments may lead to more significant character changes.

Internal Goal: 8

David's internal goal is to work as a team with Harry and represent their organization in the upcoming mission. This reflects his desire for teamwork and loyalty.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to warn the public about the potential dangers of the volcanic activity and ensure their safety. This reflects the immediate challenge of communicating critical information to the public.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions rising among the characters as they grapple with the impending volcanic eruption. The conflicting motivations and concerns add layers of complexity to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene, such as the challenges of monitoring the volcano and the public's response to the warnings, creates conflict and uncertainty that keeps the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing the imminent threat of a volcanic eruption and the potential consequences of inaction. The urgency of the situation and the risks involved heighten the tension and drama.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, establishing the central conflict of the narrative, and setting up future developments related to the volcanic crisis. It propels the plot towards a critical turning point.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the uncertain outcome of the volcanic activity and the characters' decisions in response to the crisis.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the decision to stay and monitor the volcano's activity despite the risks involved. Harry Truman's refusal to leave his home highlights a different perspective on risk and safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, eliciting feelings of concern, tension, and anticipation in the audience. The characters' reactions to the crisis and the high stakes involved contribute to the emotional depth of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, informative, and realistic, reflecting the characters' concerns and the urgency of the situation. It effectively conveys crucial information while maintaining a sense of tension and suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, realistic dialogue, and the sense of urgency created by the impending volcanic eruption. The interactions between the characters keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest in the unfolding events. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the high-stakes action of the rescue helicopter to the more subdued yet tense atmosphere of the seismic monitoring room. This contrast helps to maintain the audience's engagement by shifting the tone and focus.
  • The dialogue between David and Harry is strong, showcasing their camaraderie and teamwork. However, the scene could benefit from more distinct character voices to differentiate their personalities further. For instance, Harry's responses could include more humor or sarcasm to highlight his character traits.
  • Malone's character is introduced as a supervisor, but his motivations and personality could be fleshed out more. Adding a line or two that reveals his perspective on the urgency of the situation or his relationship with David and Harry would enhance his role in the scene.
  • The visual elements are compelling, particularly the imagery of the helicopter and the volcano. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the sounds, smells, or even the physical sensations of being in the helicopter or near the volcano would enhance the atmosphere.
  • The transition from the helicopter to the news crew and then to the parking lot feels a bit abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the narrative. Perhaps a brief moment of reflection from David or Harry as they leave the helicopter could serve as a bridge between these locations.
  • The introduction of Rick Hoblitt is somewhat sudden. Providing a brief context about his character or his significance to the story before he appears would help the audience understand his role better. This could be achieved through a quick line of dialogue or a visual cue that connects him to the ongoing events.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more distinct character traits or quirks in the dialogue to differentiate David and Harry further, making their interactions more engaging.
  • Flesh out Malone's character by including a line that reveals his perspective on the volcanic threat or his relationship with David and Harry, adding depth to his role.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the helicopter, the smell of the volcanic ash, or the physical sensations experienced by the characters.
  • Create a smoother transition between the helicopter scene and the news crew by including a moment of reflection or dialogue that connects the two locations more seamlessly.
  • Provide a brief context for Rick Hoblitt's character before his introduction, helping the audience understand his significance to the story and his connection to the other characters.



Scene 14 -  Eruption of Concerns
INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING

A TELEPHONE RINGS on the table.

MARIAN (female, mid 30s, 8 months pregnant) answers the
phone.

MARIAN
Hello?


INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - KITCHEN - SAME TIME

Rick holds a phone up to his ear and smiles.

RICK HOBLITT
Hey, baby.

INTERCUT - TELEPHONE CONVERSATION

MARIAN
I saw the news about the eruption.

RICK HOBLITT
A small one. For now.

MARIAN
What are you thinking?

Rick takes a moment to collect his thoughts.


RICK HOBLITT
I’m thinking I want St. Helens to
go back to sleep so I can come
home.

Marian laughs.

RICK HOBLITT (CONT’D)
I don’t have a good feeling about
this one, Marian. I don’t know if
I’m ready for this. I’ve always
been so buried in the literature
and history of the science but when
one finally wakes up-

MARIAN
-You don’t know what to do.

Marian knows Rick all too well.

MARIAN (CONT’D)
You told me Pliny the Elder wasn’t
ready when Mount Vesuvius erupted
yet his letters were the first
pages of volcanology in history.
You’ll find your way, Rick.

RICK HOBLITT
It was Pliny the Younger, not
Elder.

Rick smiles, knowing he’s being a smart-ass.

MARIAN
(laughing)
That’s not my point.

RICK HOBLITT
Pliny the Elder was killed at
Pompeii.

That puts a sobering mood into the conversation.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a morning phone call, eight-month-pregnant Marian reassures her partner Rick, a volcanologist at the Forest Service HQ, about his worries regarding the recent eruption at St. Helens. Their conversation reveals Rick's anxiety and expertise in volcanology, while Marian references historical figures to comfort him. As they discuss the fate of Pliny the Elder during the eruption of Vesuvius, the tone shifts from light-hearted banter to a sobering acknowledgment of the dangers posed by volcanic activity, leaving an underlying tension in their loving connection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Intimate dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the internal conflict and emotional depth of the character, setting up a compelling narrative arc.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a scientist grappling with the unpredictability of nature and personal fears is engaging and relatable.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through introspection and emotional conflict, laying the groundwork for future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene demonstrates originality through its combination of personal drama and scientific knowledge, offering a fresh perspective on the theme of natural disasters. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in their respective professions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with nuanced emotions and relationships driving the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

The character undergoes internal growth and self-reflection, setting the stage for potential transformation.

Internal Goal: 9

Marian's internal goal in this scene is to reassure Rick and provide him with emotional support as he expresses his concerns about the volcanic eruption. This reflects her deeper need to maintain their connection and offer him comfort during a challenging time.

External Goal: 8

Rick's external goal is to monitor the volcanic activity and ensure the safety of the area. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing in his profession.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is primarily internal, focusing on the character's emotional turmoil and decision-making.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong but not overwhelming, creating a sense of challenge and uncertainty for the characters. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of the volcanic eruption and its impact on Marian and Rick.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are primarily personal and emotional, centered around the character's internal conflict and fears.

Story Forward: 8

While the scene is more introspective, it lays the foundation for future developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting emotional dynamics between Marian and Rick, as well as the uncertainty surrounding the volcanic eruption. The characters' reactions and revelations keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of facing uncertainty and fear in the face of natural disasters. Rick's hesitation and Marian's reassurance highlight the tension between knowledge and intuition, preparation and acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through its intimate portrayal of personal struggles and fears.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is intimate and reflective, revealing the inner thoughts and struggles of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intimate and emotional connection between Marian and Rick, as well as the underlying tension of the volcanic eruption. The dialogue is dynamic and reveals layers of character depth.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue and pauses that build tension and emotional resonance. The rhythm of the conversation enhances the character dynamics and thematic depth.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. This clarity enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows a clear intercutting format between Marian and Rick's conversations, creating a seamless flow of dialogue and emotional beats. This structure enhances the pacing and engagement of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a personal connection between Rick and Marian, highlighting the emotional stakes involved in Rick's work with volcanology. However, the dialogue could benefit from more tension or urgency, given the context of an impending volcanic eruption. The stakes feel somewhat muted, and enhancing the sense of danger could elevate the scene's impact.
  • Marian's character is well-defined as supportive and knowledgeable, but Rick's internal conflict could be explored further. While he expresses uncertainty, the scene could delve deeper into his fears and the weight of responsibility he feels as a volcanologist. This would create a more compelling emotional arc.
  • The use of humor in their exchange is a nice touch, but it may undercut the gravity of the situation. Balancing humor with the seriousness of the volcanic threat could enhance the scene's overall tone. Consider allowing moments of levity to arise naturally rather than feeling like a counterpoint to the tension.
  • The reference to Pliny the Elder and Younger is a strong historical touch, but it could be more effectively integrated into the conversation. Instead of a simple correction, Rick could reflect on the implications of Pliny's experience in relation to his own fears, creating a more profound connection between past and present.
  • The transition between the two locations (Marian at home and Rick at the Forest Service HQ) is clear, but the visual elements could be more vividly described to enhance the scene's atmosphere. For instance, describing the setting in the Forest Service HQ could provide a stark contrast to Marian's home environment, emphasizing the different worlds they inhabit.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a sense of urgency in Rick's dialogue to reflect the potential danger of the eruption. This could be achieved by having him express specific concerns about the eruption's implications for both his work and his family.
  • Explore Rick's internal conflict more deeply by incorporating his thoughts on the responsibility he carries as a volcanologist. This could be done through a brief monologue or more introspective dialogue with Marian.
  • Consider reducing the humor slightly to maintain the scene's tension. Instead of a light-hearted exchange, allow for moments of levity that arise organically from the situation, ensuring they don't detract from the seriousness of the conversation.
  • Enhance the historical reference by having Rick draw parallels between Pliny's experience and his own fears about the eruption. This could create a more meaningful connection and highlight the weight of history in the context of his current situation.
  • Add more descriptive elements to the settings of both Marian's home and the Forest Service HQ. This could help to visually contrast their environments and reinforce the emotional stakes of their conversation.



Scene 15 -  Eruption of Reflection
INT. RICK’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

A HOMEMADE VOLCANO STARTS TO BUBBLE UP.


INT. RICK’S HOUSE - OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

A TOPOGRAPHICAL MAP OF MOUNT ST. HELENS is on a desk. Rick,
(now 10 years older, with a graying beard) draws a large
circle around the volcano.


SUPER: Denver, Colorado - 1991

RICK HOBLITT’S DAUGHTER (O.S.)
Dad! Dad! Dad! Hurry!

Rick, startled, rushes out of the office.


INT. RICK’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

RICK’S DAUGHTER (age 10) stands next to the HOMEMADE VOLCANO
excitedly.

Rick rushes into the kitchen and puts his arm around her.

RICK HOBLITT
You did it!

They both watch the volcano erupt on the kitchen table.

RICK HOBLITT (CONT’D)
You know the real thing is the
changes of physical properties,
rather than a chemical reaction --
the acid reacts to the sodium
hydrogen and it produces carbon
dioxide -- Did I ever tell you I
was supposed to be a chemist? Dan
Miller talked me out of it. His
dorm was next to mine.

RICK HOBLITT’S DAUGHTER
He’s the one that sent you to
Indonesia where you almost got
killed?

RICK HOBLITT
Is that what mom told you?

THE PHONE RINGS, interrupting them. Rick walks over and
answers.

RICK HOBLITT (CONT’D)
This is Rick...
(pause)
Find someone else.

Rick hangs up and looks at his daughter.

RICK HOBLITT’S DAUGHTER
Who was that?

RICK HOBLITT
Salesman.


INT. VDAP HEADQUARTERS - MONITORING ROOM - MORNING

Ewert glances over at Dave, who is focused on his writing.

EWERT
When I left for graduate school I
didn’t think I could ever come back
here.

DAVE HARLOW
Just skip to the reason why you’re
telling me this.

EWERT
Nevado del Ruiz -- Armero -- That’s
why I came back.

Dave looks up from his desk right as Ewert lays down a PHOTO
of Omayra Sanchez, the same girl the journalist had taken.

EWERT (CONT’D)
23,000 deaths.

DAVE HARLOW
We sent hazard maps but the
Colombian government never got them
distributed in time-

EWERT
-They should’ve had a two hour
warning. That volcano didn’t kill
those people, the lack of a
response did.
(beat)
Do you believe you’re doing the
right thing by staying here or are
you just doing this for you?

DAVE HARLOW
I’m trying to protect our careers-

EWERT
-Your career.

Dave stays quiet now. He contemplates to himself.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Rick's kitchen, a bubbling homemade volcano sparks excitement between him and his daughter, leading to a heartfelt discussion about science and Rick's past dreams of being a chemist. Their joyful moment is interrupted by a phone call, which Rick dismisses. Meanwhile, at VDAP headquarters, Ewert confronts Dave about the tragic consequences of volcanic eruptions and the importance of hazard communication, expressing his disillusionment with their work. The scene juxtaposes familial warmth with the serious implications of inaction in the face of disaster, leaving Dave in silent contemplation of his choices.
Strengths
  • Effective dialogue
  • Layered character development
  • Engaging narrative structure
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Somewhat predictable emotional beats

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively combines personal moments with professional discussions, creating a layered and engaging narrative. The tension between characters and the introspective dialogue add depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring personal and professional dilemmas through the lens of a volcanic eruption is intriguing and well-executed. The scene effectively delves into the characters' inner conflicts and motivations.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' discussions about past tragedies and career decisions, adding depth to their relationships and motivations. The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the intersection of family dynamics and scientific interests, offering a unique blend of personal and intellectual exploration. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with complex motivations and conflicts. The dialogue reveals their inner thoughts and emotions, adding depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and motivations throughout the scene, particularly in relation to their career choices and personal sacrifices.

Internal Goal: 8

Rick's internal goal in this scene is to connect with his daughter and share his passion for science with her. This reflects his desire for a deeper connection with his family and his need to pass on his knowledge and experiences.

External Goal: 7

Rick's external goal is to deal with the interruption of the phone call and maintain a sense of normalcy in his family life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters struggle with their past decisions and future goals. The tension between personal desires and professional responsibilities adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the characters' beliefs and motivations, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are primarily personal and professional, as the characters grapple with past tragedies and career decisions. The consequences of their choices have a significant impact on their lives.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing key information about the characters' past experiences and future aspirations. It sets up important conflicts and motivations for the rest of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected phone call that disrupts the family moment, adding tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between personal fulfillment and familial responsibilities. Rick's desire to pursue his passion for chemistry is juxtaposed with his role as a father and husband.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, as the characters reflect on past tragedies and personal dilemmas. The somber tone and reflective dialogue evoke a sense of introspection and empathy.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and reflective of the characters' personalities. It effectively conveys their emotions and conflicts, adding depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines personal drama with scientific intrigue, creating a dynamic and emotionally resonant narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, creating a compelling and immersive experience for the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively transitions between different locations and characters, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the innocence of a child's excitement with the gravity of volcanic activity, creating a poignant contrast. However, the transition from the light-hearted kitchen moment to the serious discussion at VDAP headquarters feels abrupt. This could be smoothed out with a more gradual shift in tone or a stronger thematic connection between the two locations.
  • Rick's dialogue about his past aspirations to be a chemist adds depth to his character, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his emotional connection to that dream. Perhaps a brief flashback or a more vivid description of his feelings about his career choices could enrich this moment.
  • The phone call interruption serves as a plot device to shift the focus, but it feels somewhat clichéd. Instead of a generic salesman, consider giving the caller a more significant role or connection to Rick's past, which could add layers to the narrative and deepen the stakes.
  • Ewert's dialogue about the Nevado del Ruiz tragedy is impactful, but it could benefit from a more explicit connection to Rick's current situation. Drawing a clearer parallel between Rick's personal stakes and the historical tragedy could heighten the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. The initial excitement in the kitchen is engaging, but the transition to the more serious conversation at VDAP feels rushed. A more balanced pacing that allows the audience to absorb both the joy and the gravity of the situation would enhance the overall impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Rick reflects on his decision to pursue volcanology over chemistry, perhaps through a visual cue or a more introspective dialogue, to deepen his character development.
  • Enhance the transition between the kitchen and VDAP headquarters by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two scenes, such as the sound of the bubbling volcano fading into the background as the scene shifts.
  • Revise the phone call to include a more meaningful connection to Rick's character or current situation, such as a call from a colleague or a family member that raises the stakes or adds tension.
  • Strengthen Ewert's dialogue by incorporating a direct reference to Rick's current work or emotional state, making the connection between past tragedies and present responsibilities more explicit.
  • Adjust the pacing by allowing for a moment of silence or reflection after the kitchen scene before transitioning to the more serious tone at VDAP, giving the audience time to process the emotional shift.



Scene 16 -  A Duty to Support
INT. RAY’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

Ray quickly gathers things into his BACKPACK as his wife
slowly approaches him.

DIALOGUE IN FILIPINO


RAY’S WIFE
What happened to Bayani -- that’s a
pain I never want to know. If this
gives him closure --

Ray nods, walks over to his wife, and hugs her.

RAY’S WIFE (CONT’D)
We have to support the people that
need us most.

RAY
I need you.

He kisses her.

RAY’S WIFE
But everyone else needs you.


EXT. RAY’S HOUSE - STREET - MOMENTS LATER

Through the patched window, Bayani sees Ray walk over to his
truck and enter, taking a seat in the passenger side. Bayani
gives Ray a quiet nod and they drive away.

Ray’s wife is revealed to be watching them drive away.


EXT. MANILA AIRPORT - RUNWAY - MORNING

A mosquito lands on an arm, bites, and it’s instantly
slapped. Lockhart (wearing cutoff jean-shorts and flip-flops)
looks at the smashed bug. He then sneezes. The sun hasn’t
even risen yet and the runway lights illuminate the loading
area.

SUPER: Manila, Philippines - April 23, 1991

A crate is lifted and placed in a tactical cargo truck.

The CARGO DRIVER (wearing green camouflage) is skeptical as
he watches Chris and Lockhart loading the CRATES.

CARGO DRIVER
I’d like to know if I’m carrying
any hazardous material.

LOCKHART
Just seismometers, geophones,
tiltmeters-

The cargo driver is clearly not following along.


CHRIS NEWHALL
Nothing hazardous.

An ARMED SUV pulls up and Lockhart notices the thick, tinted
windows.

LOCKHART
Are we expecting combat?

CARGO DRIVER
You never know.

The driver walks away leaving Lockhart to wonder -- he looks
at Chris and quietly mouths: “What the fuck?”
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Thriller"]

Summary In the kitchen of Ray's house, he hurriedly packs a backpack while his concerned wife expresses her worries about a person named Bayani. Ray reassures her of his commitment to help, and they share a kiss before he leaves. Outside, Bayani silently watches as Ray departs in a truck. The scene shifts to Manila Airport, where Lockhart and Chris load crates into a cargo truck. A skeptical cargo driver questions the contents, and despite Lockhart's attempts to reassure him, tension lingers. The arrival of an armed SUV raises further questions for Lockhart, leaving him uncertain about the unfolding situation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension building
  • Setting up conflicts and high stakes
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the characters' decisions while setting up potential conflicts and high stakes, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showing the emotional struggle of leaving loved ones behind in a dangerous situation is compelling. The introduction of potential conflict and high stakes adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging, setting up potential conflicts and high stakes while advancing the narrative. The departure of the character adds tension and propels the story forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique situations such as the transportation of seismometers and the uncertainty of combat, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with their emotions and motivations effectively portrayed. The scene sets up potential character arcs and conflicts that add depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the emotional turmoil experienced by the characters sets the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to seek support and connection with his wife, while also feeling the weight of responsibility towards others. This reflects his deeper need for emotional connection and validation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate a potentially dangerous situation involving hazardous materials and combat. This reflects the immediate challenges he is facing in his work.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene introduces potential conflicts through the skepticism of the cargo driver and the presence of armed vehicles, adding tension to the situation. The emotional conflict of leaving loved ones behind also adds depth to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with potential hazards and combat situations creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The scene establishes high stakes through the presence of armed vehicles, skepticism from the cargo driver, and the emotional turmoil of leaving loved ones behind. The potential dangers ahead add tension to the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up potential conflicts, introducing high stakes, and advancing the narrative. The departure of the character propels the plot into new territory.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the potential hazards and combat situations, creating tension and uncertainty for the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the ethical implications of transporting potentially hazardous materials and the uncertainty of combat situations. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about duty and safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as it effectively conveys the characters' turmoil and the difficult decision they face. The audience is likely to empathize with the characters' emotions.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and concerns, adding depth to the scene. The interactions between the characters feel authentic and contribute to the overall tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of action, emotion, and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and setting up conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes emotional stakes through the dialogue between Ray and his wife, highlighting the personal sacrifices made in the face of disaster. However, the dialogue could benefit from more specificity to deepen the emotional impact. For instance, instead of vague references to 'closure,' Ray's wife could mention a specific event or memory that connects them to Bayani, making the stakes feel more immediate and personal.
  • The transition from Ray's intimate moment with his wife to the external world is somewhat abrupt. While it serves to show the urgency of the situation, adding a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that emphasizes Ray's emotional state as he leaves could enhance the transition. This would help the audience connect more with Ray's internal conflict as he balances personal and communal responsibilities.
  • Lockhart's introduction is humorous and provides a contrast to the previous emotional tone, but it may feel jarring to some viewers. The humor could be better integrated by foreshadowing Lockhart's character earlier in the scene or by establishing a lighter tone in Ray's kitchen scene. This would create a smoother tonal shift as the narrative progresses.
  • The dialogue from the cargo driver feels somewhat clichéd and could be more engaging. Instead of a generic skepticism about hazardous materials, consider giving the driver a unique perspective or backstory that reflects the tension of the situation, perhaps hinting at past experiences with dangerous cargo. This would add depth to the character and make the scene more memorable.
  • The visual description of the mosquito and the subsequent actions of Lockhart serve as a comedic moment, but it may detract from the urgency of the narrative. Consider whether this moment is necessary or if it could be replaced with a more relevant visual that reinforces the themes of danger and uncertainty surrounding the mission.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional depth of Ray's wife's dialogue by incorporating specific memories or references to Bayani that resonate with the audience, making the stakes feel more personal.
  • Add a moment of reflection for Ray before he leaves, perhaps a visual cue or a brief internal monologue that emphasizes his emotional conflict, to create a smoother transition to the external world.
  • Integrate Lockhart's humor more seamlessly by establishing a lighter tone in Ray's kitchen scene or foreshadowing Lockhart's character earlier, ensuring the tonal shift feels natural.
  • Revise the cargo driver's dialogue to provide a unique perspective or backstory that reflects the tension of the situation, making the character more engaging and memorable.
  • Consider replacing the mosquito moment with a visual that reinforces the themes of danger and uncertainty, ensuring that every moment in the scene contributes to the overall narrative tension.



Scene 17 -  Cultural Tensions at PHIVOLCS
INT. DOWNTOWN QUEZON CITY - ARMORED SUV - LATER

Through the window a street sign reads, “QUEZON CITY.”

Chris and Lockhart are seated in the back looking out at the
city as it passes by.


EXT. DOWNTOWN QUEZON CITY - PHIVOLCS BUILDING - LATER

The SUV comes to a stop right outside a large rundown
building.

SUPER: Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology

The volcanologists exit the SUV and enter the building.


INT. PHIVOLCS BUILDING - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Ray leads Chris and Lockhart through the tight hallway,
passing various monitoring rooms. They finally reach an
office at the end of the hallway.


WRITTEN IN SHARPIE ON WHITE TAPE ON THE DOOR: “RAYMUNDO
PUNONGBAYAN”


INT. PHIVOLCS BUILDING - RAY'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

Ray peeks into the hallway one last time and realizing how
conspicuous he seemed.

RAY
The others aren’t happy you’re
here.


LOCKHART
I’m not happy I’m here either.

Chris picks up the latest SEISMIC DATA from Ray’s desk.

CHRIS NEWHALL
(looking at the DATA)
This can’t be right.

Chris looks at Lockhart.

CHRIS NEWHALL (CONT’D)
The earthquakes are three miles
northwest of the steam vents. It
doesn’t make sense that these
fumaroles are being heated by a
plug of magma that far away.

Chris hands the DATA to Lockhart.

LOCKHART
They don’t have enough stations
setup-

Bayani walks into the room, clearly annoyed and agitated with
the sight of the American scientists. He rips the DATA from
Lockhart’s hand.

BAYANI
Who the hell are you?

LOCKHART
I’m Lockhart, nice to meet you.

Lockhart extends his hand to shake Bayani’s, despite the
tension. Bayani ignores his gesture.

LOCKHART (CONT’D)
I don’t know about here but in
America it’s customary to shake the
other guy’s hand.

BAYANI
This isn’t America.

Ray steps in.

RAY
Bayani and I set up the seismic net
ourselves.

LOCKHART
It shows-


CHRIS NEWHALL
It’s not about the quantity, it’s
where they’re located-

RAY
-Without a helicopter we’re limited
to what we can each by car.

Chris understands and nods.

CHRIS NEWHALL
The way I see it, we have three
jobs to do. First is setting up a
bigger seismic net. Secondly, we
need to review Pinatubo’s historic
records-

BAYANI
-There is no record.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Then we’ll send a sample back to
the lab and figure it out.

LOCKHART
What’s the third job?

CHRIS NEWHALL
Once we know Pinatubo’s past and
present, we have to educate
everyone about the consequences of
a large eruption

RAY
And people can be stubborn.

BAYANI
Especially Americans.

Chris and Lockhart look at Ray and Bayani with slight concern
on their faces. Is this new partnership going to work?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Chris and Lockhart visit the Philippine Institute of Volcanology and Seismology, where they encounter resistance from local scientist Bayani, who challenges their authority and dismisses Lockhart's attempts at camaraderie. As Chris analyzes inconsistent seismic data, the group discusses their objectives, revealing underlying cultural tensions and skepticism about collaboration. The scene concludes with Chris and Lockhart exchanging worried glances, uncertain about the future of their partnership with the local team.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Effective establishment of conflict and stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may come off as cliched or stereotypical

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets up the conflict and stakes surrounding the potential volcanic eruption, with strong character dynamics and tension building throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of international collaboration in the face of a natural disaster is compelling and sets the stage for high stakes and dramatic conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by introducing the main conflict and setting up the mission to investigate the volcanic activity, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene demonstrates a high level of originality through its fresh approach to the familiar theme of scientific exploration and cultural exchange. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative, creating a compelling and engaging story.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the conflict and tension in the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes as they navigate the conflict and challenges, setting up potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to establish credibility and expertise in the field of volcanology, despite facing skepticism and resistance from the local staff. This reflects their deeper desire for recognition and respect for their knowledge and skills.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to set up a bigger seismic net, review Pinatubo's historic records, and educate everyone about the consequences of a large eruption. This reflects the immediate challenge of preparing for a potential volcanic event and ensuring public safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, driving the tension and stakes higher as the characters navigate the challenges ahead.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the characters' actions and decisions. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the confrontation between the American scientists and the local staff, adding complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters face the potential threat of a volcanic eruption and must navigate cultural differences and scientific challenges to address the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the mission, conflict, and character dynamics, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and decisions made by the characters, leading to shifting power dynamics and escalating conflicts. The audience is kept on edge as they anticipate the outcome of the characters' interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash of cultural norms and communication styles between the American scientists and the local staff. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about collaboration and teamwork, as they navigate through different approaches to problem-solving and decision-making.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of concern and anxiety, drawing the audience into the high-stakes situation and the characters' struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the clash of perspectives and the urgency of the situation, adding depth to the characters and conflict.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic character interactions, sharp dialogue exchanges, and high stakes involved in the scientific investigation. The tension and conflict between the characters keep the audience invested in the outcome of the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through well-timed reveals, character interactions, and plot developments. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are clearly presented, enhancing the reader's understanding of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-defined character interactions. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the plot unfolds.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between the American scientists and the local volcanologists, particularly through Bayani's aggressive demeanor. This conflict is crucial for setting the stage for the cultural and professional challenges the characters will face. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict. For instance, instead of Bayani simply stating, 'This isn’t America,' he could express a more personal stake in the situation, perhaps referencing past experiences that inform his distrust.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from the SUV to the PHIVOLCS building. While the quick cuts can create a sense of urgency, they also risk losing the audience's connection to the characters. A moment of reflection or a brief exchange of dialogue during the car ride could help ground the audience in the characters' emotional states before they enter the building.
  • The introduction of the seismic data is a critical plot point, but it could be presented more clearly. Chris's confusion about the data is a good starting point, but the explanation that follows feels a bit technical and could alienate viewers who are not familiar with volcanology. Simplifying the language or using a visual aid could help convey the urgency of the situation without overwhelming the audience.
  • The dynamic between Chris, Lockhart, and Bayani is intriguing, but it could be enhanced by showing more of their individual personalities. For example, Lockhart's attempt to shake Bayani's hand could be played for humor or frustration, depending on how the character is established earlier in the script. This would add depth to their interactions and make the audience more invested in their relationship.
  • The scene ends on a note of uncertainty regarding the partnership between the American and Filipino scientists, which is effective. However, it could be strengthened by including a visual cue or a more pronounced reaction from Ray, who is caught in the middle. This would emphasize the stakes and the potential for conflict moving forward.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of dialogue or interaction in the SUV to establish the characters' emotional states before they enter the PHIVOLCS building.
  • Enhance Bayani's character by giving him a personal reason for his hostility towards the American scientists, which could be revealed through a more nuanced line of dialogue.
  • Simplify the technical jargon when discussing the seismic data to ensure that all audience members can follow the conversation without losing interest.
  • Use humor or frustration in Lockhart's attempt to shake Bayani's hand to better establish his character and the dynamics at play.
  • Include a visual cue or a more pronounced reaction from Ray at the end of the scene to emphasize the tension and uncertainty surrounding the new partnership.



Scene 18 -  Arrival at Clark Air Base
INT. CLARK AIR BASE - ARMORED SUV 1 - DAY

A cone-shaped VOLCANO is seen above a green countryside
through the SUV window.

Chris points it out to Lockhart while the two of them sit in
the back seat.

The walls of a military base come into view through the SUV
window as it pulls into a gated entrance.


EXT. CLARK AIR BASE - ARMORED SUV 1 - CONTINUOUS

Through the window, the stark contrast of where they just
were outside the walls to the now picturesque suburban
America, with a Baskin Robins, Pizza Hut, rows of beautiful
homes that parallel the street, and people walking around
dressed nicely, men clean shaved.

SUPER: Clark Air Base - 40 Miles North of Manila

Lockhart smirks at the sight of it all.

LOCKHART
It’s like a heritage USA theme park
that was built from the memory of
what they thought American was
like. None of the bad. All the
creepy.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Easy, Lockhart.

LOCKHART
We’re definitely the only ones on
this base with beards.

A STREET SIGN reads: “MARYLAND STREET. ”


EXT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - LATER

The tactical cargo truck is already being unloaded by
numerous military personnel. Chris and Lockhart oversee the
unpacking next to a TWO-STORY HOUSE.

COLONEL STUDER (O.S.)
Is this thing going to blow or
what?

Colonel Studer approaches the two volcanologists.

CHRIS NEWHALL
That’s why we’re here, sir.

COLONEL STUDER
I’m Colonel Studer, we spoke
briefly on the phone.

He looks at Lockhart’s CUT-OFF JEAN-SHORTS AND FLIP-FLOPS.

COLONEL STUDER (CONT’D)
So this is the best team you could
find?


CHRIS NEWHALL
I’d like to say so, sir.

LOCKHART
The best of the best.
(saluting)
-- Of the best.

Chris slaps Lockhart’s saluting hand down.

Colonel Studer looks at the building.

COLONEL STUDER
It was a communication center
during the Vietnam War. Has it’s
own generator, air-filtering
system.

Colonel Studer watches crates being unloaded.

COLONEL STUDER (CONT’D)
And make sure you keep your doors
locked. I don’t know how these
locals keep getting in but I’d
imagine that stuff would sell for a
pretty penny. We have a saying on
the base, “everything’s already
stolen, they just haven’t taken it
yet.”
(beat)
And don’t leave the base without
armed escort.

That gets Lockhart’s attention.

COLONEL STUDER (CONT’D)
Not too long ago we had three
personnel assassinated just outside
the gate -- Filipino Guerrillas.

LOCKHART
(looking at Chris)
Filipino Guerrillas, Chris. Got
that?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Chris and Lockhart arrive at Clark Air Base in an armored SUV, where they are met by Colonel Studer, who questions their readiness due to Lockhart's casual attire. As Studer discusses the base's history and security concerns, he emphasizes the dangers posed by Filipino guerrillas, creating tension between the light-hearted banter of Chris and Lockhart and the serious nature of their mission. The scene highlights the stark contrast between the lush countryside and the military installation, ending with Lockhart acknowledging the threats they face.
Strengths
  • Effective establishment of setting and tone
  • Strong conflict and tension
  • Clear character motivations
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets up the tension and stakes of the mission while introducing conflicts and character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the preparation for a volcanic mission at a military base, is engaging and sets up intriguing conflicts and dynamics.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in establishing the mission's high stakes and the challenges the characters will face, moving the story forward effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on military settings by incorporating humor and cultural observations. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with clear motivations and conflicts that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics and conflicts set the stage for potential development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal is to maintain professionalism and focus on the mission despite Lockhart's casual attitude and remarks. This reflects Chris's need for validation and respect in his work.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully investigate the volcano and ensure the safety of the base. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in a potentially dangerous environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflicts, both internal and external, adding depth and tension to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Colonel Studer's authority and warnings creating obstacles for the protagonists.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the volcanic mission, combined with the cultural tensions and personal conflicts, add intensity and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the mission, conflicts, and character dynamics, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and tension that arises from the characters' interactions and the setting.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Lockhart's carefree attitude and Colonel Studer's strict military discipline. This challenges Chris's beliefs about professionalism and the importance of following orders.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of concern and suspense, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and skepticism among the characters, setting up conflicts and establishing character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic between characters, the introduction of potential conflict, and the intriguing setting.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and introduces key information without feeling rushed or slow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to visualize the scene and follow the action.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-defined character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the contrast between the idyllic suburban environment of Clark Air Base and the looming threat of the volcano, which adds depth to the setting. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension between the characters and their surroundings.
  • Lockhart's humor about the base being a 'heritage USA theme park' is a good attempt at comic relief, but it may come off as dismissive given the serious context of their mission. This could alienate the audience from Lockhart's character, making him seem less relatable. Balancing humor with the gravity of their situation is crucial.
  • The introduction of Colonel Studer is effective in establishing authority and the stakes involved, but his dialogue could be more concise. Some lines feel repetitive, particularly regarding the security concerns. Streamlining his dialogue would maintain the scene's pace and urgency.
  • The mention of 'Filipino Guerrillas' introduces a serious threat, but the scene could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of this conflict. This would add layers to the narrative and provide context for the audience, rather than relying solely on exposition.
  • The visual elements, such as the juxtaposition of the military base and the surrounding countryside, are strong, but the scene could further utilize visual storytelling to convey the characters' emotions and the tension of their situation. For example, close-ups of their expressions could enhance the emotional stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a shared glance between Chris and Lockhart after Colonel Studer's warning about the guerrillas, emphasizing the gravity of their situation and the potential danger they face.
  • Revise Colonel Studer's dialogue to be more impactful and concise. For example, instead of repeating the security concerns, he could deliver a single, powerful line that encapsulates the threat, enhancing the tension.
  • Incorporate more physical reactions from Chris and Lockhart in response to the environment and Colonel Studer's warnings. This could include body language that reflects their unease or determination, making their characters more relatable.
  • Explore the cultural tensions further by having Lockhart or Chris react to the mention of guerrillas with a mix of concern and disbelief, showcasing their naivety or ignorance about the local situation, which could lead to character development.
  • Consider using a visual motif, such as the contrast between the vibrant life outside the base and the sterile, controlled environment within, to symbolize the characters' internal conflicts and the broader themes of the story.



Scene 19 -  Into the Danger Zone
EXT. CLARK AIR BASE - HELICOPTER PAD - MORNING

An ARMY HUEY HELICOPTER sits on a landing pad and the ROTORS
are starting to spin.

Chris and Lockhart walk toward it (wearing HELMETS AND COMMS)


A door gunner manning an M60 MACHINE GUN side-mounted on the
Huey sees Lockhart approaching him.

LOCKHART
Are you gonna shoot the volcano?

The gunner doesn’t answer.

Chris is holding a COSPEC DEVICE and he sizes it up against
the barrel of the gun.

DOOR GUNNER
Can I help you?

CHRIS NEWHALL
If we don’t end up using it, it
might come in handy.

The door gunner isn’t following and Chris finally boards.


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - HELICOPTER - COCKPIT - CONTINUOUS

A CLARK AIR BASE PILOT (in his HELMET AND COMMS) glances
toward the back.

CLARK AIR BASE PILOT
(sarcastic)
Colonel Studer said I’m going to be
your private chauffeur during your
stay at Clark.
(beat)
So just head straight for the
dangerous active volcano, right?

BACK IN THE HAUL - Chris and Lockhart laugh.

CHRIS NEWHALL
That’s right.

CLARK AIR BASE GUARD
Fasten your seatbelts.

The HELICOPTER TAKES OFF QUICKLY.


INT. MOUNT PINATUBO - HELICOPTER - DAY

The COSPEC DEVICE is mounted on the front of the M60 as Chris
swivels it toward the volcano crater. Lockhart is watching
Chris.

LOCKHART
You got the safety on right?


CHRIS NEWHALL
(to the pilot)
Do another round -- I want to make
sure these readings are accurate.

The COSPEC DEVICE recenters on the crater again.


EXT. MOUNT PINATUBO - VALLEY - LATER

Lockhart places the TILTMETER in a hole.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Did you charge it?

Lockhart looks at Chris.

LOCKHART
Of course I did.

Chris picks up a bucket of cement and pours it into another
hole.

Lockhart places a GEOPHONE inside of it, eyeing the leveler.

Chris walks away and approaches a giant wall of dirt.

CHRIS NEWHALL
(Still facing the canyon)
These deposits are thirty feet
thick. That’s a ton of material for
being ten miles from Pinatubo.

Chris chips a piece of CHARCOAL from the canyon wall and
places it inside a JAR and closes it:

INSERT - JAR, which reads: “MOUNT PINATUBO”

Storm clouds roll in from the distance. THUNDER CRACKS.


EXT. CLARK AIR BASE - FRONT ENTRANCE - DAY

Rain is starting to pour.

An unsteady hand is placed on a HOLSTERED HANDGUN.

Ray and Bayani are sitting in his truck, looking out of the
window at the guard.

CLARK AIR BASE GUARD
Get out of the car now!


The Clark Air Base Guard finally unholsters his HAND GUN and
now points it toward the vehicle.

CLARK AIR BASE GUARD (CONT’D)
I will use lethal force!

Chris comes sprinting to the scene in the rain.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What’s going on?

CLARK AIR BASE GUARD
These man are claiming to be
scientists.

CHRIS NEWHALL
They are!
(looking at Ray)
Show him your I.D.!

BAYANI
We did!

CHRIS NEWHALL
(looking at the guard)
When what the hell is the problem
here? Let ‘em in!

The Clark Air Base Guard is slow to lower the gun and he
takes a breath. Everyone takes a breath.

The gate opens and Ray and Bayani finally drive in clearly
shaken.

Chris walks over to the guard.

CHRIS NEWHALL (CONT’D)
Don’t let this happen again.
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Adventure"]

Summary At Clark Air Base, Chris and Lockhart prepare for a mission to Mount Pinatubo, humorously interacting with the helicopter crew. Tension arises when a guard threatens Ray and Bayani, questioning their legitimacy as scientists. Chris intervenes, asserting their credentials and allowing them entry. The scene balances humor and tension as the team gears up for their dangerous task amidst the looming threat of the volcano.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • High-stakes situation
  • Cultural tensions
  • Scientific exploration
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Character development could be further explored

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of tension, action, and drama to create a compelling narrative. The high-stakes situation, cultural tensions, and potential danger from the volcano keep the audience engaged. The dialogue and character interactions add depth to the scene, enhancing the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the clash between scientific research and military security in the context of a volcanic crisis, is engaging and well-developed. It introduces key themes of cultural differences, scientific exploration, and high-stakes decision-making.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in setting up the conflict and tension surrounding the volcanic research mission. It moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and obstacles for the characters to overcome, setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a unique situation of scientists working in a military setting to gather data on a volcanic eruption, blending elements of science and action in a fresh way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined and their interactions add depth to the narrative. The tensions between the scientists, military personnel, and local authorities create a dynamic and engaging dynamic that drives the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and conflicts between the characters set the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes. The tensions and dynamics established here lay the groundwork for character arcs to unfold.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal is to ensure the safety of the team and gather accurate data for their research. This reflects his desire for success in his scientific endeavors and his concern for the well-being of his colleagues.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather data on the volcanic activity and prevent any potential disasters. This goal reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in dealing with the erupting volcano.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between the characters and the potential danger from the volcano looming in the background. The clash of interests and priorities creates a sense of urgency and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the conflict between the military guard and the scientists adding a layer of tension and uncertainty to the characters' mission.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing potential danger from the volcano, cultural tensions, and conflicting priorities. The decisions made in this scene have significant consequences for the characters and the overall mission.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new challenges, conflicts, and obstacles for the characters to overcome. It sets the stage for further developments and escalates the tension and stakes of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected conflict with the military guard and the tense standoff, adding a layer of uncertainty to the characters' mission.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the military personnel's focus on security and the scientists' focus on research and data collection. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the importance of their scientific mission.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with the audience feeling anxious, concerned, and tense as the characters navigate the high-stakes situation. The cultural tensions and potential danger add depth to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, conflict, and urgency of the situation. The exchanges between the characters reveal their motivations, concerns, and personalities, adding depth to the scene and driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, sharp dialogue, and high stakes, keeping the audience invested in the characters' mission and the outcome of the volcanic eruption.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' mission.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a buildup of tension leading to a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension and urgency with the presence of the armed guard and the threat of violence, which heightens the stakes for the characters. However, the dialogue could be more impactful; some lines feel a bit flat and could benefit from more emotional weight or humor to enhance character dynamics.
  • The humor introduced by Lockhart's joke about shooting the volcano is a nice touch, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the serious context of the situation. Balancing humor with the gravity of the impending volcanic threat could create a more cohesive tone.
  • The transition from the helicopter to the ground is somewhat abrupt. While it serves to show the characters' actions, it could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or dialogue that connects the two settings more seamlessly.
  • The introduction of the COSPEC device and the tiltmeter is crucial for the plot, but the technical jargon may alienate some viewers. Simplifying the explanations or incorporating them into the dialogue in a more relatable way could help maintain audience engagement.
  • The scene ends with a confrontation that resolves quickly, which may leave the audience wanting more tension or conflict. A more drawn-out moment of uncertainty or a brief escalation before resolution could enhance the dramatic impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or fear from Ray and Bayani before they approach the guard, which could heighten the tension and make their eventual entry more satisfying.
  • Incorporate more character-driven dialogue that reveals the personalities of Chris, Lockhart, and the guard. This could help the audience connect with the characters on a deeper level.
  • Use visual storytelling to enhance the mood; for example, showing the rain intensifying as the conflict escalates could symbolize the rising stakes and emotional turmoil.
  • Add a line or two that reflects the urgency of their mission, perhaps a reminder of the potential eruption, to keep the stakes front and center throughout the scene.
  • Consider ending the scene with a cliffhanger or a more dramatic moment, such as the guard hesitating longer before lowering his weapon, to create suspense leading into the next scene.



Scene 20 -  Tensions at the Observatory
EXT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - MOMENTS LATER

A custom SIGN mounted to the side of the house: “PINATUBO
VOLCANO OBSERVATORY - PHILVOLCS-USGS WITH ASSISTANCE FROM
USAID-USIF - SHAKE ‘n BAKE with the BEST. ”

Rain continues as Ray and Bayani pull up to the house.


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - LIVING ROOM - LATER

Chris guides Ray and Bayani into the living room revealing
the entire interior turned into a mobile monitoring station,
with COMPUTERS, MONITORS, SEISMOGRAPH DRUMS, and ANTENNAS.


Lockhart is working with the equipment.

LOCKHART
Welcome to PVO!

BAYANI
We almost got shot back there!

LOCKHART
What?

Chris nods and then looks at Ray.

CHRIS NEWHALL
It won’t happen again.

LOCKHART
Maybe if your people stopped
assassinating our people everyone
would be less jumpy.

BAYANI
What do you expect when you plant
an American base in a place you
shouldn’t.

LOCKHART
If it wasn’t for this base we
wouldn’t even be here helping your
ass!

BAYANI
We never asked for your help!

LOCKHART
You called us too!

Bayani, in surprise, immediately turns to Ray.

BAYANI
And here I thought it was the USGS
forcing their hand -- You didn’t
trust your own team to get the job
done? Where the hell was US aid
after Luzon?

CHRIS NEWHALL
If this was happening in the US I
would expect you to be there for us
too!
(beat)
And your team was right, by the
way. The geometry of the cloud
cluster doesn’t look volcanic.


RAY
What about the COSPEC readings?

CHRIS NEWHALL
High levels of S02.

RAY
So magma is close to the surface-

CHRIS NEWHALL
-But the quakes are too far apart
and too infrequent. We’re getting
mixed signals from her.

LOCKHART
Story of my life --

BAYANI
So you’ve solved nothing so far.

LOCKHART
We just got here!

CHRIS NEWHALL
Enough!

Everyone finally gets quiet.

CHRIS NEWHALL (CONT’D)
We are in this together, whether
you like it or not. We’re all
searching for the same answers.

Chris walks over to the window and sees MOUNT PINATUBO in the
distance.

CHRIS NEWHALL (CONT’D)
Pinatubo is breathing but we don’t
know if she’s going to hold her
breath or exhale next. If we want
to get this right, and we have to
get this right, we have to start
trusting each other.

He turns around and looks at the others.

CHRIS NEWHALL (CONT’D)
I understand you both went through
hell a year ago. My wife’s family
was also affected. But it’s time to
put the past behind us and focus on
now.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Ray and Bayani arrive at the Pinatubo Volcano Observatory, where they encounter Chris and Lockhart. As tensions rise, Bayani expresses his distrust of the American military presence, leading to a heated argument with Lockhart. Chris attempts to mediate, emphasizing the need for cooperation in light of the uncertain volcanic activity. The scene captures the emotional strain of past grievances while highlighting the urgency of addressing the looming threat from Mount Pinatubo.
Strengths
  • Tension-building dialogue
  • Effective establishment of conflicts and themes
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Character changes not fully realized

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension through confrontational dialogue and highlights the importance of collaboration and trust in a crisis situation. The stakes are high, and the scene sets up the conflict and dynamics between the characters well.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of cultural tensions, collaboration, and high stakes in a volcanic crisis is well-executed in the scene. It effectively sets up the central conflicts and themes of the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with the introduction of key conflicts, character dynamics, and the central problem of the volcanic crisis. It sets the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the disaster genre by focusing on the interpersonal dynamics and philosophical conflicts among the characters, rather than just the technical aspects of predicting a natural disaster.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined in this scene, with clear motivations, conflicts, and relationships established. The tension between them adds depth to their interactions.

Character Changes: 7

There are subtle hints of character changes, particularly in terms of building trust and collaboration between the characters. However, the changes are not fully realized in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to build trust and collaboration with the other characters despite their past traumas and differences in perspective.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to accurately predict and prepare for a potential volcanic eruption at Mount Pinatubo.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between the characters due to cultural differences, mistrust, and the urgency of the volcanic crisis. It adds intensity and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, motivations, and emotions among the characters that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing the imminent threat of a volcanic eruption and the need for collaboration to address the crisis. The outcome of their actions could have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, establishing character dynamics, and setting up the central problem of the volcanic crisis. It propels the narrative towards further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, conflicting motivations, and unexpected emotional revelations among the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the characters' differing beliefs about trust, collaboration, and responsibility in a crisis situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily driven by the tense interactions and confrontations between the characters. The stakes are high, but the emotional depth is not fully explored in this particular scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, confrontational, and impactful, effectively conveying the tensions and conflicts between the characters. It drives the scene forward and reveals key aspects of the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense conflict, emotional depth, and high stakes that keep the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' conflicts and motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a dramatic confrontation scene in a disaster film, with escalating tension and emotional stakes.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between the American scientists and the local team, particularly through Bayani's confrontational attitude. However, the dialogue can feel a bit on-the-nose, with characters explicitly stating their grievances rather than allowing subtext to convey their feelings. This can make the conflict feel less organic and more like a lecture.
  • The humor introduced by Lockhart's character is a nice touch, but it sometimes clashes with the serious undertones of the situation. Balancing humor with the gravity of the volcanic threat could enhance the emotional stakes and make the characters' interactions feel more authentic.
  • Chris's attempt to mediate the conflict is commendable, but his transition from a tense confrontation to a more collaborative tone feels abrupt. A more gradual shift in tone could help the audience follow the emotional arc of the scene more smoothly.
  • The technical jargon regarding the volcanic activity is informative, but it risks alienating viewers who may not be familiar with the terminology. Simplifying some of the scientific explanations or providing context could make the scene more accessible.
  • The visual description of the monitoring station is effective in setting the scene, but it could benefit from more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the equipment, the atmosphere in the room, or the urgency of the situation could enhance the immersion for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating more subtext in the dialogue to convey the characters' emotions and tensions without explicitly stating them. This can create a more engaging and nuanced interaction.
  • Balance the humor with the seriousness of the situation by ensuring that comedic moments do not undermine the stakes of the volcanic threat. This can be achieved by using humor to relieve tension rather than distract from it.
  • Introduce a more gradual transition in Chris's tone from confrontation to collaboration. This could involve him acknowledging the tension before suggesting they work together, making the shift feel more natural.
  • Simplify some of the scientific jargon or provide brief explanations to ensure that all audience members can follow the conversation without feeling lost.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience. Describing the sounds, smells, and atmosphere of the monitoring station can help the audience feel the urgency and tension of the situation.



Scene 21 -  Volcanic Tensions
INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT

That same JAR reading: “MOUNT PINATUBO,” is now sitting in
front of Dan on a restaurant table.

He looks up and sees Rick Hoblitt enter the building and
approach his table, clearly looking reluctant to join

A glass of whiskey is slid to Rick to cheer him up.

RICK HOBLITT
You promised it wasn’t work
related.

DAN MILLER
-It’s about getting this right.

Rick finally takes a seat.

DAN MILLER (CONT’D)
The Survey has tightened up since
St. Helens. Mammoth Lakes set
everyone into a panic which led to
a complete disregard for Armero.
Pinatubo is a fine line and we’re
all balancing on the tightrope.
(beat)
I don’t want to get this one wrong.

RICK HOBLITT
How do you suppose you’re going to
get it right?

DAN MILLER
I don’t. But I know you can.

Rick shoots the whiskey.

RICK HOBLITT
This is why I like working with
extinct volcanos. All science and
no politics.

DAN MILLER
At least do me a favor.

Dan slides the JAR to Rick.

DAN MILLER (CONT’D)
I know it’s hard to let go of past
mistakes, Rick. I sure as hell
haven’t let go of mine either. But
maybe it’s time we both try.


EXT. MOUNT KILAUEA - MORNING

LAVA EXPLODES INTO THE SKY AND FALLS BACK DOWN.

Standing in the distance are two VOLCANOLOGISTS dressed in
their silvery LAVA PROTECTIVE SUITS. Neither of their faces
are visible through the face shielding.

SUPER: Mount Kilauea - Hawaii - 1980

One of the scientists, who will soon be known as DON SWANSON,
bends down to collect a sample of the fresh red lava and
places it into a large container.

His partner, who will soon be revealed to be a younger PATTY
LIPMAN, turns to speak to him.

PATTY LIPMAN
I got a call from Vancouver. They
have some unrest in the Cascades.

DON SWANSON
When do you leave?


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - HILLSIDE - MORNING

Two TENTS are next to one another.

David finally stumbles out of his TENT holding an empty
bottle of BOURBON. He wipes his eyes and rubs his head which
must be pounding. He looks up at St. Helens and stops
walking. He looks worried now. He quickly grabs his
BINOCULARS.

DAVID JOHNSTON
Rick! Rick! Wake up!

There is rustling in the other tent. Rick now stumbles out,
slipping his shoes on quickly.

RICK HOBLITT
What? What’s going on?

He walks up next to David as David hands him his BINOCULARS.
Rick slowly raises them up. His eyes grows wide.

Another CAR pulls up and Harry Glicken exits holding COFFEE.
Harry sees David and Rick rushing to their vehicle.

HARRY GLICKEN
What did I miss?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense restaurant meeting, Dan Miller confronts Rick Hoblitt about the urgent need to address the volcanic threat posed by Mount Pinatubo, urging him to move past their previous mistakes. Rick, hesitant and preferring to work with extinct volcanoes, grapples with his past as they discuss the implications of volcanic activity. The scene shifts to morning at Mount Kilauea, where volcanologists Don Swanson and Patty Lipman discuss unrest in the Cascades, before transitioning to Mount St. Helens, where David Johnston wakes Rick in a panic, signaling a potential crisis.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Character depth and development
  • Foreshadowing of future events
Weaknesses
  • Limited visual descriptions
  • Lack of physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and weight of responsibility faced by the characters, setting up a high-stakes situation while exploring the complexities of scientific predictions and personal accountability.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of balancing scientific accuracy with past mistakes and the pressure of handling a volcanic crisis is well-developed in the scene, adding depth to the overall story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses effectively, introducing key conflicts and character dynamics while foreshadowing the challenges ahead. The scene sets the stage for significant developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of scientific accuracy and political pressure in the field of volcanology, with authentic character interactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the scene forward. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle shifts in their perspectives and motivations, setting the stage for potential growth and development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Dan's internal goal is to ensure the accuracy of their predictions and not repeat past mistakes, reflecting his desire for redemption and professional success.

External Goal: 7

Dan's external goal is to convince Rick to help him with the project and ensure the accuracy of their predictions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with tensions rising as the characters grapple with the weight of their decisions and the looming volcanic crisis. The stakes are high, driving the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the characters' goals and decisions, adding to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of accurately predicting volcanic activity and avoiding past mistakes add urgency and tension to the scene, raising the emotional and narrative stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, establishing character dynamics, and foreshadowing future events. It sets the stage for significant developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and outcomes, but the tension and stakes keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The conflict between scientific accuracy and political pressure is evident in the scene, challenging Dan's values of integrity and professionalism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a sense of concern and anticipation, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional struggles and the impending volcanic threat. The personal stakes add to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and serves to deepen the character relationships and thematic elements of the scene. It effectively conveys the tension and stakes of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its high stakes, sharp dialogue, and intense atmosphere that keeps the audience invested in the characters' goals and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest in the characters' goals and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively builds tension and develops the characters' goals and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the emotional weight of the conversation between Dan and Rick, highlighting their shared history and the stakes involved in their current situation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while the characters express their concerns directly, incorporating more nuanced exchanges could deepen the emotional impact.
  • The transition from the restaurant to the volcanic scenes feels abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the personal stakes with the scientific urgency, a smoother transition could enhance the flow. Consider adding a line or two that connects the conversation about past mistakes to the volcanic activity, reinforcing the theme of learning from history.
  • Rick's reluctance to engage in the conversation is clear, but his character could be further developed through his actions or expressions. Instead of simply stating his preference for extinct volcanoes, perhaps he could exhibit physical signs of discomfort or hesitation, which would visually communicate his internal conflict.
  • The introduction of Don Swanson and Patty Lipman is intriguing, but their dialogue lacks context for the audience. Providing a brief line that hints at their significance or their relationship to the main narrative could help ground the audience in their importance.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven; the dialogue between Dan and Rick is engaging, but the subsequent transitions to the volcanic scenes feel rushed. Balancing the pacing by allowing more time for character reflection or reaction could enhance the emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue between Dan and Rick to convey their shared history and emotional stakes without stating them outright. This could involve using metaphors or indirect references to their past experiences.
  • Create a smoother transition between the restaurant scene and the volcanic scenes by adding a line that connects their conversation about past mistakes to the urgency of the volcanic activity, reinforcing the thematic elements.
  • Enhance Rick's character development by showing his physical reactions to the conversation, such as fidgeting or avoiding eye contact, to visually communicate his reluctance and internal conflict.
  • Provide context for Don Swanson and Patty Lipman's dialogue by adding a line that hints at their significance or their connection to the main narrative, helping the audience understand their importance.
  • Adjust the pacing of the scene by allowing for more character reflection or reaction time after significant lines of dialogue, ensuring that the emotional weight of the conversation is fully realized before transitioning to the next scene.



Scene 22 -  Eruption Tensions
INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER

The forest service manager has a look of concern as Rick,
Dan, Mullineaux, and Rocky are gathered around him.

FOREST SERVICE MANAGER
Is this a sign of something
serious?

MULLINEAUX
Not exactly.

RICK HOBLITT
We don’t know that yet!

Dan steps in to avoid Rick getting in over his head with his
superiors.

DAN MILLER
What Rick means is, we need more
time to figure out what exactly is
going on.

RICK HOBLITT
I know what’s going on! St. Helens
is inflating and it’s a sure sign
of an explosive eruption!

Rocky steps in now.

ROCKY
Easy, Rick. We already have our
hands full playing PR. We don’t
need to jump to any conclusions
right now.

RICK HOBLITT
What the hell are you guys talking
about? This is a serious issue!

MULLINEAUX
We understand but it takes more
than one guys opinion to persuade
the Survey to dump more money into
this operation.

DAVID JOHNSTON
Two guys opinions.

Rick appreciates David’s support at least. He looks over at
Dan now.

RICK HOBLITT
Do you agree with this?


Dan is hesitant as he glances at Rocky and Mullineaux,
knowing very well he doesn’t want to disagree with them.

DAN MILLER
I think Mullineaux and Rocky have a
point, Rick. We don’t want to cause
mass hysteria from a simple gut
reaction.

RICK HOBLITT
You once told me to trust my gut.

DAN MILLER
I also told you, you worry too
much.

RICK HOBLITT
I worry about our hazard maps not
being wide enough. I worry about
that this could be bigger than
anything we could have ever
imagined.

MULLINEAUX
Which is why we brought in a few
more experts.

Entering the room is DON SWANSON, and PATTY LIPMAN, the two
volcanologists from Hawaii, both dressed in Hawaiian shirts.

MULLINEAUX (CONT’D)
This is Don Swanson and Patty
Lipman from the Hawaiian Volcano
Observatory.

ROCKY
These two work with the most active
volcanoes in the world.

Dan Miller seems agitated by the idea that more experiences
volcanologists were needed.

DAN MILLER
HVO get jealous of our mountain?

Rocky can tell Dan is pissed.

ROCKY
We wanted the best, Dan, from every
department.


DON SWANSON
Usually when you are working with
an active volcano you want someone
who has worked with active
volcanoes before. We also know you
Denver folks work in a different
timescale -- slow.

DAN MILLER
Cascades are a different monster
than what you’re used to dealing
with-

PATTY LIPMAN
-And ya’ll are used to working with
dead ones so tell me what
experience you bring?

MULLINEAUX
All right, that’s enough.

ROCKY
So what’s our plan?

PATTY LIPMAN
The chemical composition of
volcanic rock can reveal the
presence of magma moving from the
deeper levels to shallower levels,
especially around the edge of the
crater.

Don turns to face Mullineaux and Rocky.

DON SWANSON
Do we have access to a helicopter?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense conference room at the Forest Service HQ, the forest service manager raises alarms about a potential volcanic eruption, igniting a heated debate among Rick, Dan, Mullineaux, and Rocky. Rick passionately argues for immediate action based on alarming signs, while Dan and others advocate for caution and further information. The introduction of volcanologists Don Swanson and Patty Lipman from Hawaii adds to the tension, as they challenge the team's experience with active volcanoes. The scene concludes with a focus on the urgent need for a helicopter to investigate the situation further.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Conflict-driven narrative
  • Expert character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some repetitive arguments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and conflict through heated discussions and differing opinions, setting the stage for the impending volcanic crisis. The dialogue is engaging and propels the plot forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of experts debating the potential eruption of a volcano adds depth to the narrative and sets up a compelling conflict that drives the story forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the heated discussions and differing opinions presented in the scene, laying the groundwork for the volcanic crisis to unfold.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the disaster genre by focusing on the dynamics between experts and amateurs in a high-stakes situation. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and reveals their conflicting perspectives and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their conflicting personalities and expertise create engaging dynamics that drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

There are subtle shifts in character dynamics and perspectives, particularly with Rick expressing his concerns and facing opposition from his colleagues.

Internal Goal: 8

Rick's internal goal is to convince his colleagues of the seriousness of the situation and the need for immediate action. This reflects his desire to prevent a potential disaster and protect lives.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather support and resources to monitor and potentially mitigate the volcanic activity at Mount St. Helens. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with a natural disaster threat.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high, with characters expressing strong opinions and clashing over the best course of action, creating a sense of urgency and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, power dynamics, and personal stakes at play. The characters face obstacles in communication, decision-making, and trust, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters debate the potential eruption of Mount St. Helens, with lives and livelihoods at risk depending on the decisions made.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, decisions, and expert opinions that will shape the narrative of the volcanic crisis.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between characters, unexpected revelations, and conflicting viewpoints. The audience is kept on edge as they anticipate how the characters will navigate the escalating crisis.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between trusting experience and expertise versus gut instincts and urgency. Rick's intuition clashes with his colleagues' cautious approach, highlighting differing perspectives on risk assessment and decision-making.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

While the scene is emotionally charged, the focus is more on intellectual conflict and decision-making rather than deep emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals the characters' motivations and concerns effectively, adding depth to the scene and enhancing the conflict.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, conflicting viewpoints, and dynamic character interactions. The dialogue-driven narrative keeps the audience invested in the unfolding drama and potential disaster.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense through rapid dialogue exchanges, character reactions, and escalating conflict. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding drama.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards for screenplay format, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It effectively conveys the visual and auditory elements of the setting and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-heavy sequence in a disaster film, with clear character introductions, conflicts, and resolutions. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension among the characters regarding the potential volcanic threat, showcasing differing opinions and the urgency of the situation. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat repetitive, particularly with Rick's insistence on the seriousness of the issue. This could be streamlined to maintain momentum and avoid redundancy.
  • The introduction of Don Swanson and Patty Lipman adds a fresh dynamic to the scene, but their entrance feels somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition or a brief moment of acknowledgment from the existing characters could enhance the flow and make their arrival feel more organic.
  • The conflict between the characters is clear, but the stakes could be heightened further. While Rick's concerns are valid, the scene could benefit from more explicit consequences of inaction or misjudgment, which would amplify the urgency and tension.
  • The humor introduced through the banter between Dan and the new volcanologists is a nice touch, but it risks undermining the gravity of the situation. Balancing humor with the serious nature of the discussion is crucial to maintain the scene's overall tone.
  • The dialogue occasionally lacks subtext, making it feel more expository than natural. Characters should have their own motivations and perspectives that influence their words, which can create a more engaging and layered conversation.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to eliminate repetitive phrases and enhance clarity. For example, instead of having Rick repeatedly assert the seriousness of the situation, allow other characters to express their concerns in different ways.
  • Introduce Don and Patty with a brief moment of acknowledgment from the existing characters, perhaps a line that highlights their reputation or expertise, to make their entrance feel more integrated into the scene.
  • Incorporate a moment where the characters discuss the potential consequences of underestimating the volcanic threat, such as past disasters or specific risks to the community, to raise the stakes and urgency.
  • Maintain the humor but ensure it serves the scene's tension rather than detracts from it. Perhaps use humor to break tension at a moment of high stress, rather than throughout the entire discussion.
  • Add layers to the dialogue by incorporating subtext. For instance, characters could have personal stakes in the situation that influence their opinions, allowing for more nuanced interactions.



Scene 23 -  Ash and Urgency
INT. HELICOPTER - COCKPIT - MORNING

A hand grabs the PITCH CONTROLS.

An OLD HELICOPTER PILOT (gray hair, wearing a VIETNAM VETERAN
BADGE on his helmet) looks at MOUNT ST. HELENS through the
window.

OLD HELICOPTER PILOT
Not sure how I feel about this.

BACK IN THE HULL - Don shrugs it off.


DON SWANSON
Rocks and ash pelting the side
isn’t much different than gunfire.
Just get as close as you can!



Don Swanson grabs his YARDSTICK that has a SOUP LADLE
attached to the end.

Don Swanson nods as Patty Lipman grabs the back of Don’s
shirt as Don extends his body almost completely outside the
helicopter.

Don sees steam begin to build in the crater. Patty Lipman’s
grip loosens. Don drops an inch forward but Patty adjusts her
grip.

The SOUP LADLE reaches one last time, scooping up some ash.

PATTY LIPMAN
(to the pilot)
Let’s go! Let’s go!

The helicopter strafes away from the summit right as another
SMALL PHREATIC ERUPTION SHOOTS UP INTO THE SKY.

DON SWANSON
Yeehaw!


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - NORTH RIDGE HILLSIDE - EVENING

Harry and David are sitting next to one another glancing at
St. Helens in the distance as the sun sets behind the
cascades.

DAVID JOHNSTON
S02 is decreasing yet the side of
the mountain is expanding.

Harry looks over at David.

HARRY GLICKEN
You have that same feeling you had
with Augustine.

DAVID JOHNSTON
I have a feeling there could be a
great tragedy here if we’re not
careful.


INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - KITCHEN - EVENING

Dan is pouring himself some coffee when Rick walks over to
him.

DAN MILLER
Coffee?

Rick clearly isn’t in the mood.

RICK HOBLITT
I thought we were in this together?

DAN MILLER
You have to learn to play the game,
Rick.

RICK HOBLITT
You brought me here because you
trusted me and today that all went
to shit.

DAN MILLER
I do trust you. But the Survey
doesn’t make decisions based on
instinct. And the sooner you
understand that and realize this is
a team sport the faster you’ll move
up.

RICK HOBLITT
You know I don’t care about that. I
care about getting his right. I
care about saving lives.

DAN MILLER
And so do I. But I also know if we
jump to conclusions too soon and
they aren’t accurate there’s no
going back.
(beat)
Rocky and Mullineaux brought in Don
and Patty because they’re starting
to lose trust that we can handle
this on our own.

Dan hands Rick a cup of Coffee.

DAN MILLER (CONT’D)
I’m on your side, Rick. But this is
a delicate situation. We have to
tread carefully.


RICK HOBLITT
People’s lives could be in danger.
Everyone around here is acting like
that isn’t so. I don’t want to be
on the wrong side of history.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, an old helicopter pilot hesitates to fly close to Mount St. Helens, but Don Swanson's reckless confidence pushes him to collect volcanic ash. Patty Lipman supports Don as they narrowly escape a small eruption. Meanwhile, Harry and David discuss the volcano's dangers from a hillside, while at the Forest Service HQ, Dan and Rick argue about the urgent need for action against the looming threat, highlighting the conflict between caution and recklessness.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Narrative progression
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a crucial conflict between the characters, showcasing the high stakes involved in their decision-making process.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of trust, teamwork, and decision-making in a high-pressure situation is effectively explored through the interactions between Rick and Dan, adding depth to their characters and the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the conflict between Rick and Dan, setting the stage for future developments and raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges of scientific research in a dangerous environment, with authentic character interactions and high-stakes decision-making.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Rick and Dan are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting motivations, values, and approaches to the situation at hand.

Character Changes: 8

Both Rick and Dan undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and approaches during the scene, setting the stage for potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Don Swanson's internal goal is to prove his bravery and competence in the face of danger, reflecting his need for validation and recognition.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to collect ash samples from the erupting volcano, reflecting the immediate challenge of gathering crucial data for scientific analysis.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Rick and Dan is intense and pivotal, driving the emotional and narrative tension of the scene and setting up future confrontations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, internal struggles, and external challenges that create obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the situation, including potential danger and the need for accurate decision-making, add urgency and tension to the scene, raising the emotional and narrative stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing key conflicts, character dynamics, and narrative tensions that will impact future events and decisions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the volatile nature of the volcano, the conflicting motivations of the characters, and the uncertain outcome of their actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between caution and risk-taking in the pursuit of scientific knowledge and the potential consequences of being too hasty or too conservative in decision-making.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in relation to the high stakes and conflicting emotions of the characters involved.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional depth of the scene, highlighting the conflicting perspectives of the characters and driving the central conflict forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action sequences, and emotional character interactions that draw the audience into the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and tension that keeps the audience engaged and drives the story forward effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and a progression of events that build tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency surrounding the volcanic threat, particularly through the interactions between the characters. The contrast between the old helicopter pilot's apprehension and Don Swanson's bravado adds depth to their personalities and highlights the stakes involved in their mission.
  • The dialogue is engaging and serves to establish character dynamics, particularly the camaraderie between Don and Patty. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; for instance, the pilot's reluctance could be explored further to enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The transition from the helicopter to the hillside with Harry and David is smooth, but the connection between the two locations could be strengthened. It might be beneficial to include a line that ties their observations back to the helicopter's mission, reinforcing the urgency of their work.
  • The scene in the Forest Service HQ kitchen introduces a critical conflict between Rick and Dan, showcasing their differing priorities. However, the pacing feels slightly rushed. Allowing for more pauses or reactions could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of their conversation.
  • Rick's emotional stakes are clear, but the scene could benefit from a more vivid depiction of his internal struggle. Adding a moment where he reflects on past failures or the weight of responsibility could deepen the audience's connection to his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or reflection from the old helicopter pilot to emphasize the danger they are facing, which could enhance the tension in the cockpit.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue, particularly in the exchanges between Rick and Dan, to reveal their deeper motivations and fears without explicitly stating them.
  • Strengthen the connection between the helicopter scene and the hillside scene by including a line from Harry or David that references the helicopter's mission or the urgency of their observations.
  • Slow down the pacing in the kitchen scene by including more pauses or reactions from Rick and Dan, allowing the audience to feel the weight of their conversation and the stakes involved.
  • Add a moment where Rick reflects on his past experiences with volcanic disasters, which could provide insight into his motivations and heighten the emotional stakes of the scene.



Scene 24 -  Eruption of the Mind
EXT. MOTEL - AFTERNOON

The sun is blotted out by a sky thick of ash. Ash rains down
on the street.

Rick, dirtied face, with a tired look in his eyes, wipes his
face with his hand. He now sees a traffic jam of cars and
people on the streets fleeing for their lives. People are
carrying CHARRED BODIES. Rick looks beyond the chaos at a
straight-line view of a MASSIVE ERUPTING VOLCANO in the
distance.

It EXPLODES! EXPELLING HOT ASH AND ROCK. A PYROCLASTIC FLOW
SURGES DOWN THE SLOP TOWARD THE VILLAGE. It heads straight
for Rick but he’s frozen. The PYROCLASTIC FLOW moves closer
and closer.

Finally, a hand reaches out and grabs Rick’s arm and pulls
him to safety.

RICK WAKES UP.


INT. RICK’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

RICK SNAPS AWAKE, breathing heavily, and sweating. He turns
to see Marian already awake and looking at him.

MARIAN
Which one was that?

Rick takes a deep breath.

RICK HOBLITT
Indonesia.

MARIAN
That was a bad one.

Rick gets out of bed.

RICK HOBLITT
They’re all bad.

SUPER: 1991


INT. RICK’S OFFICE - LATER

A LIGHT SWITCH TURNS ON.

Rick rolls out the MAP OF MOUNT PINATUBO on his desk. He
starts to scan it slowly.

Marian enters the office by his surprise as she places a cup
of coffee on his desk next to the map.

MARIAN
I thought you were out?

RICK HOBLITT
I am out.

She looks at the map again.

MARIAN
You’re still trying to solve it,
aren’t you? What happened at St.
Helens? It’s why you keep chasing
it.

RICK HOBLITT
It’s about protecting the people I
care about.

MARIAN
And who is going to protect you
from yourself?

Rick ignores that.

MARIAN (CONT’D)
Does our daughter know?

RICK HOBLITT
THERE’S NOTHING TO KNOW!

Rick slams his fist into the table, startling Marian and even
himself. He realizes he was out of line with that tone.

RICK HOBLITT (CONT’D)
I’m sorry.

Marian leaves the office.

Rick looks down at his desk and sees the JAR that reads:
“MOUNT PINATUBO” written on it, the same one Dan had given to
Rick at the restaurant.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense scene, Rick Hoblitt, a volcanologist, wakes from a nightmare about a volcanic eruption, revealing his obsession with such disasters. As he discusses the nightmare with his partner Marian, their conversation escalates into conflict, highlighting the strain his obsession places on their relationship. Despite his initial anger, Rick apologizes as Marian leaves, leaving him alone with a jar labeled 'MOUNT PINATUBO,' symbolizing his unresolved trauma and fixation.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Tension and suspense building
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Slight predictability in some character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with a strong emotional impact and tension that keeps the audience engaged. The dialogue is poignant, and the character development is compelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the psychological impact of past traumatic experiences on the protagonist in the face of a new threat is compelling. It adds depth to the character and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is engaging, focusing on Rick's internal conflict and his struggle to balance personal concerns with professional responsibilities. It moves the story forward while delving into the character's emotional journey.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the disaster genre by focusing on the personal and emotional impact of natural disasters on the characters. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, especially Rick, whose internal struggles and emotional depth are portrayed convincingly. Marian's role adds a layer of support and conflict, enhancing the character dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Rick undergoes a significant emotional journey in the scene, grappling with his past traumas and current responsibilities. His character evolves as he confronts his fears and makes tough decisions.

Internal Goal: 8

Rick's internal goal in this scene is to protect the people he cares about and to solve the mystery of the volcanic eruptions. This reflects his deeper need for control and safety, as well as his fear of losing those he loves.

External Goal: 7

Rick's external goal in this scene is to investigate and solve the mystery of the volcanic eruptions, specifically related to Mount Pinatubo. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his work as a scientist or investigator.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on Rick's emotional turmoil and the decisions he must make in the face of a looming threat. It adds tension and depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Rick facing internal and external challenges that test his beliefs, values, and actions. The audience is left uncertain about how he will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Rick faces the potential eruption of Mount Pinatubo, balancing personal concerns with professional duties. The threat of danger adds tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Rick's emotional state and setting up the stakes for the impending volcanic threat. It advances the narrative while deepening the character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, as well as the emotional and philosophical conflicts faced by the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will navigate the challenges ahead.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Rick's desire to protect others and his own sense of responsibility and guilt. This challenges his beliefs about sacrifice and self-preservation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly through Rick's internal struggle and the themes of sacrifice and protection. It resonates on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, revealing the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. It adds depth to the scene and drives the character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense imagery, emotional depth, and suspenseful plot development. The characters' internal struggles and external challenges keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the emotional and dramatic elements of the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. It effectively conveys the visual and emotional elements of the story.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic and suspenseful sequence in a disaster film. It effectively builds tension and emotional depth through the character interactions and plot development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys Rick's internal struggle and trauma related to past volcanic disasters, particularly through the use of the nightmare sequence. This technique is powerful in illustrating his psychological state and the weight of his responsibilities. However, the transition from the nightmare to reality could be smoother; the abruptness of waking up might benefit from a more gradual shift to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue between Rick and Marian is poignant and reveals their relationship dynamics, particularly Rick's obsession with his work and the toll it takes on his personal life. However, the line 'There’s nothing to know!' feels overly dramatic and could be rephrased to sound more natural. It risks pulling the audience out of the moment due to its intensity.
  • The visual elements, such as the ash-covered environment and the jar labeled 'MOUNT PINATUBO,' are effective in establishing the stakes and Rick's fixation on the volcano. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further in the setting. Describing the smell of ash or the sound of distant eruptions could enhance the atmosphere.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the emotional climax when Rick slams his fist on the table could be built up more. Adding a moment of hesitation or a deeper internal conflict before this outburst could make it more impactful and relatable, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his frustration.
  • The scene ends with Rick looking at the jar, which is a strong visual metaphor for his obsession. However, it might be more effective if this moment were tied back to his earlier conversation with Marian, perhaps by having her voice echo in his mind as he contemplates the jar, reinforcing the theme of personal sacrifice for the greater good.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the scene to create a richer atmosphere, such as the sound of ash falling or the oppressive heat from the volcano.
  • Rephrase Rick's line 'There’s nothing to know!' to sound more natural and less dramatic, perhaps by expressing frustration in a more subtle way.
  • Build up to Rick's outburst by including a moment of internal conflict or hesitation, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with his emotional state.
  • Enhance the transition from the nightmare to reality by incorporating a gradual shift, perhaps through a lingering sound or visual cue that connects the two moments.
  • Tie the ending of the scene back to Marian's earlier concerns by having her voice echo in Rick's mind as he looks at the jar, reinforcing the emotional stakes of his obsession.



Scene 25 -  Eruption Alert
INT. RADIOCARBON LABORATORY - DAY

RADIOCARBON DATING MONTAGE -- RADIOCARBON LABORATORY -- DAY

SERIES OF SHOTS:

1. WEARING HIS LAB COAT, RICK CAREFULLY REMOVES THE CHARCOAL
FROM THE JAR

2. RICK INSPECTS IT UNDER A MICROSCOPE. HE BEGINS THE
CHEMICAL CLEANING PROCESS

3. HE PUTS THE SAMPLE INTO A QUARTZ COMBUSTION TUBE WITH A
SMALL WIRE OF COPPER OXIDE AND THEN PLACES THE COMBUSTION
TUBE INTO THE VACUUM LINE. HE SEALS THE TOP WITH A BLOW TORCH

4. A TINY CAPSULE IS PLACES IN A LARK MUFFLE FURNACE WHICH
READS: “900 Degrees.”

5. THE SMALL CAPSULE IS ATTACHED TO ANOTHER VACUUM LINE AND
RICK ADDS HYDROGEN INTO THE GRAPHITE REACTION VESSEL

6. THE IRON CATALYST HAS THE LEFTOVER DEPOSITS DISTRIBUTED TO
MULTIPLE SMALL CAPSULES

7. RICK HOLDS UP THE TINY CAPSULE OF LITTLE BLACK PIECES OF
GRAPHITE AND LOOKS AT IT CLOSELY

8. THE TARGET HOLDER GOES INTO THE ACCELERATOR

9. RICK EXITS


INT. RICK’S HOME - OFFICE - NIGHT

Rick’s fingers are typing vigorously on his keyboard. He
brings the coffee mug up to his mouth, about to take a sip,
but stops when he spots something on his MONITOR.

RICK HOBLITT
(disbelief)
Oh my god.


INT. VDAP HEADQUARTERS - DAVE'S OFFICE - DAY

David is anxiously tapping his foot on the floor. He’s
holding the phone up to his ear. He glances over at Ewert who
is listening in on the conversation in the corner of the
office.

DAVE HARLOW
How many times has she erupted?


RICK HOBLITT (O.S.)
Only three from what I can tell.
Roughly every thousand years, give
or take.

DAVE HARLOW
When was the latest?

There’s a long pause on the other end.


INT. RICK'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - SAME TIME

Rick hesitates. His daughter is waiting by the door with her
BACKPACK.

RICK HOBLITT’S DAUGHTER (O.S.)
(growing impatient)
C’mom, we’re going to be late!

INTERCUT - TELEPHONE CONVERSATION

DAVE HARLOW
Rick, when was the last eruption?

RICK HOBLITT
Fifteen hundred years ago.

DAVE HARLOW
Jesus. This mountain is cocked and
loaded.

Dave hangs up and looks at Ewert.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
Pack your bags.


INT. PHIVOLCS BUILDING - BAYANI’S OFFICE - DAY

INSERT - PHOTOGRAPH, which shows: Bayani and his wife, the
same PHOTOGRAPH that Ray had found at the collapsed building.

BACK TO OFFICE - Ray pokes his head into Bayani’s office.

DIALOGUE IN FILIPINO

RAY
Are you doing okay?

Bayani nods but Ray clearly knows he’s keeping his emotions
buried inside.


RAY (CONT’D)
Are you sure you want to do this?
If you need time, I understand-

BAYANI
-No. I’m fine.

Ray nods.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense montage, Rick meticulously prepares a charcoal sample in a radiocarbon lab, only to discover alarming information at home that prompts a frantic phone call with Dave at VDAP Headquarters. They discuss the potential threat of a volcanic eruption, last occurring 1,500 years ago, leading to urgent preparations. Meanwhile, Ray checks on Bayani, who appears emotionally reserved but insists he is fine, highlighting the internal conflicts as the team braces for a serious situation.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in scientific processes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of impending danger and builds suspense through the characters' actions and dialogue. The use of scientific processes adds depth to the narrative, while the emotional dynamics between the characters create a compelling atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the imminent threat of a volcanic eruption and the characters' reactions to the unfolding crisis. The use of scientific processes and personal conflicts adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is driven by the characters' responses to the escalating situation and the looming threat of a volcanic eruption. The introduction of new information and conflicts sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the intersection of science and personal relationships, with authentic character interactions and realistic dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined and their interactions reveal underlying tensions and motivations. The emotional dynamics between the characters add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters in the scene experience emotional shifts and confront unresolved traumas and tensions, setting the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Rick's internal goal is to balance his work responsibilities with his personal life, as shown by his interactions with his daughter and his reaction to the discovery on his monitor.

External Goal: 7

Rick's external goal is to analyze the data from the radiocarbon dating process and make a crucial decision based on the information he uncovers.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions rising between the characters due to the imminent threat of a volcanic eruption and personal disagreements. The conflicts drive the narrative forward and create a sense of urgency.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting priorities and ethical dilemmas challenging the characters' decisions and actions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing the imminent threat of a volcanic eruption and the potential consequences of inaction. The escalating crisis raises the stakes and creates a sense of urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new information, conflicts, and tensions that will impact future developments. The escalating crisis and character dynamics set the stage for further plot progression.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected discoveries and decisions made by the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around the ethical implications of the data Rick uncovers and the potential consequences of his decision on the safety of others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with characters expressing concern, apprehension, and disbelief in the face of the impending crisis. The emotional dynamics between the characters add depth to the narrative and engage the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, motivations, and conflicts. The conversations are engaging and reveal important information about the plot and characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the combination of high-stakes decision-making, personal relationships, and scientific intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the characters' choices.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that propels the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards, effectively conveying the visual and emotional elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions, effectively advancing the plot and building tension.


Critique
  • The montage sequence in the radiocarbon laboratory effectively conveys Rick's meticulous nature and dedication to his work. However, it could benefit from a clearer emotional connection to the stakes involved. The audience should feel the weight of what Rick is doing, especially given the impending volcanic threat. Adding brief moments of internal conflict or flashbacks during the montage could enhance this emotional depth.
  • The transition from the laboratory to Rick's home office is abrupt. While it serves to show the urgency of the situation, it may confuse the audience. A smoother transition or a brief moment of reflection from Rick before he moves to the next scene could help maintain narrative flow.
  • The dialogue between Rick and Dave is functional but lacks tension. Given the gravity of the situation, the conversation could be more dynamic. Incorporating a sense of urgency or fear in their exchange would heighten the stakes and engage the audience more effectively.
  • The intercutting between Rick's home and Dave's office is a good technique to build tension, but it could be enhanced by showing more of Rick's daughter's impatience. This would not only add a layer of personal stakes for Rick but also create a more relatable conflict between his professional obligations and family responsibilities.
  • The scene ends with a strong implication of urgency as Dave instructs Ewert to pack their bags. However, it could be more impactful if there were a visual cue or sound effect that emphasizes the urgency of the situation, such as an alarm or a sudden tremor, to foreshadow the impending eruption.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Rick reflecting on the implications of his work during the montage, perhaps through a voiceover or a flashback to a past eruption, to deepen the emotional stakes.
  • Smooth the transition between the laboratory and Rick's home by including a moment where Rick acknowledges his daughter's presence before diving into the phone call, reinforcing his internal conflict.
  • Revise the dialogue between Rick and Dave to include more urgency and emotional weight. Perhaps Rick could express his fears about the eruption more explicitly, making the stakes clearer.
  • Enhance the impatience of Rick's daughter by showing her physically moving around or expressing her frustration more vividly, which would create a stronger emotional pull for Rick.
  • Incorporate a sound cue or visual effect at the end of the scene to heighten the sense of urgency, such as a tremor or an alarm, to foreshadow the volcanic threat and create a more dramatic conclusion.



Scene 26 -  Tensions at the BBQ: A Volcanic Debate
EXT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - BACKYARD - AFTERNOON

A VHS TAPE is inserted into a TAPE DECK.

INSERT - TELEVISIONS, which shows: “VARIOUS FILM ERUPTIONS
WITH KATIA AND MAURICE KRAFFT (famous French volcanologists)
STANDING IN THE FOREGROUND”

BACK TO BACKYARD - Dave Harlow flips the burger patties on
the grill.

Colonel Studer is watching the SMALL TELEVISION, standing
next to him is his son, wife, and Chris Newhall.

CHRIS NEWHALL
They’re French volcanologists. They
agreed to pay us a visit once
they’re done working on Mount Unzen
in Japan.

DAVE HARLOW
They’re famous for getting close.

Lockhart walks up next to Colonel Studer with half a hotdog
in his mouth.

LOCKHART
(mouthful)
-Infamous for getting too close.

CHRIS NEWHALL
They were the first to film a
pyroclastic flow.

COLONEL STUDER
I’m sorry, pyro-plastic-what?

Ewert joins in.

EWERT
Pyro-CLASTIC. Avalanche of hot
gases and rock that moves at 100
miles per hour with temperatures
reaching 1,000 degrees.


COLONEL STUDER
And can this reach Clark?

CHRIS NEWHALL
20% chance it extends more than
fifteen miles. 30 for the lahar.

COLONEL STUDER
I’m sorry?

Colonel Studer is not following and Ewert notices.

EWERT
These stratovolcanoes tend to have
snow and ice at the peak. When that
heats up it melts and that water
only has one place to go. Downhill-

DAVE HARLOW
-But there is a clear difference
between being prepared versus
evacuation orders-

EWERT
-But what we’ve learned is
sometimes it’s not enough to get
the science right either. You also
have to trust us.

GENERAL GRIME (O.S.)
THE SKY IS FALLING! THE SKY IS
FALLING!

GENERAL GRIME (late 50s, stern) arrives at the BBQ with his
WIFE and TWO DAUGHTERS (age 10 and age 13). Colonel Studer
salutes him.

GENERAL GRIME (CONT’D)
Chicken Little -- My girls always
loved that story. An evacuation is
tall order.
(now addressing Chris)
You got any kids?

CHRIS NEWHALL
I do, sir.

GENERAL GRIME
So you can imagine how difficult it
is to have someone tell them they
have to abandon their home.

Dave steps in now.


DAVE HARLOW
We’re only asking to be prepared,
sir-

GENERAL GRIME
Tell me gentlemen, how do you
prepare to move 20,000 people?


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - LIVING ROOM - LATER

Dave closes his WHITE BINDER that now reads: “MOUNT
PINATUBO.”

Ewert intercepts him right as he’s about to walk out of the
door.

EWERT
Let me handle the conference.

DAVE HARLOW
That’s not a good idea, Ewert.

EWERT
Why the hell not?

DAVE HARLOW
Do you want me to spell it out for
you? Because there’s a room full of
military men who aren’t going to
trust a god-damn word of what you
have to say.

Lockhart perks up from his MONITOR.

LOCKHART
We have an issue!

Ewert and Dave both say “WHAT!?” at the same time.

LOCKHART (CONT’D)
I lost signal on one of the
tiltmeters.

DAVE HARLOW
Take Ewert.

EWERT
Just give me a chance.

Dave is so aggravated right now. He takes a breath.

DAVE HARLOW
Fine.


Dave looks over toward Lockhart.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
Lockhart! What the hell are you
waiting for? Let’s go!

Lockhart jumps out of his seat and Dave reluctantly hands
Ewert his WHITE BINDER.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary During an afternoon BBQ at Clark Air Base, tensions rise as Dave Harlow advocates for preparedness against volcanic threats while Colonel Studer, Chris Newhall, and Ewert discuss the dangers of eruptions. General Grime expresses skepticism about evacuation feasibility, leading to a heated exchange between Dave and Ewert over the handling of an upcoming conference. The scene concludes with Dave reluctantly agreeing to hand over crucial information to Ewert, highlighting the urgency and differing perspectives on the volcanic threat.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of character development
  • Complex scientific concepts may be difficult for some viewers to follow

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up the high stakes surrounding the volcanic eruption, with strong character dynamics and emotional depth. The dialogue is engaging and drives the plot forward, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of preparing for a volcanic eruption at Mount Pinatubo is compelling and drives the conflict and tension in the scene. The focus on the military response and scientific preparations adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is engaging and moves the story forward by establishing the imminent threat of the volcanic eruption and the challenges faced by the characters in preparing for it. The conflict and stakes are well-developed, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and conflict, blending elements of military drama with scientific knowledge to create a fresh approach to the disaster genre. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in reality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and conflicts that drive their actions in the scene. The interactions between the characters reveal their relationships and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and conflicts between the characters hint at potential growth and development as they navigate the challenges of preparing for the volcanic eruption.

Internal Goal: 8

Dave Harlow's internal goal is to convince the military men, including Colonel Studer and General Grime, of the seriousness of the volcanic threat and the need for preparedness.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to ensure the safety and preparedness of the base in case of a volcanic eruption.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high between the characters as they grapple with the impending volcanic eruption. The conflicting perspectives on preparation and response add depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints on the best course of action in response to the volcanic threat. The characters face obstacles in convincing the military men of the seriousness of the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing the potential devastation of a volcanic eruption at Mount Pinatubo. The personal and professional consequences of their actions add urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the imminent threat of the volcanic eruption and setting up the challenges faced by the characters in responding to it. The plot progression keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the shifting dynamics between characters, the technical details of the volcanic threat, and the potential consequences of an eruption reaching the base.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between scientific knowledge and military preparedness. The characters debate the importance of trust and preparation in the face of a natural disaster.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with the characters expressing concern, frustration, and apprehension in the face of the volcanic threat. The high stakes and personal stakes add depth to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and drives the plot forward, effectively conveying the tension and urgency of the situation. The interactions between the characters reveal their personalities and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tense atmosphere, and realistic character interactions. The dialogue and conflict keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character names, and dialogue formatting. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and dialogue that drive the narrative forward. It effectively sets up the conflict and tension surrounding the potential volcanic eruption.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses a casual BBQ setting to juxtapose the serious topic of volcanic eruptions, which creates an interesting contrast. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when characters explain concepts like 'pyroclastic flows' and 'lahars.' This could be streamlined to maintain a natural flow while still conveying the necessary information.
  • The introduction of General Grime adds a layer of tension, but his character could benefit from more depth. His skepticism about evacuation orders feels somewhat one-dimensional. Providing a glimpse into his motivations or personal stakes could enhance his character and make the conflict more engaging.
  • The dialogue among the characters is generally strong, but there are moments where it feels overly technical, which might alienate viewers who are not familiar with volcanology. Balancing technical jargon with more relatable language could help maintain audience engagement.
  • The transition from the backyard BBQ to the living room feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the scene's pacing and keep the audience grounded in the narrative. Perhaps a brief moment of reflection or a character's internal thought could bridge the two settings more effectively.
  • The scene ends with a sense of urgency, but it could be heightened by incorporating more visual cues or reactions from the characters. For instance, showing the characters' body language or facial expressions could amplify the tension and urgency surrounding the volcanic threat.
Suggestions
  • Consider simplifying the explanations of volcanic phenomena to make them more accessible to a broader audience. Use metaphors or relatable comparisons to convey the dangers without overwhelming viewers with technical details.
  • Develop General Grime's character further by adding a line or two that reveals his personal stakes or fears regarding the evacuation. This could create a more nuanced conflict and make his skepticism more relatable.
  • Enhance the transition between the backyard and the living room by including a brief moment that reflects the characters' thoughts or feelings about the impending danger, which could help maintain narrative continuity.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as close-ups of characters' expressions or reactions to the discussions about the volcano, to heighten the emotional stakes and urgency of the situation.
  • Consider adding a moment of levity or camaraderie among the characters during the BBQ to balance the tension, making the eventual shift to urgency feel more impactful.



Scene 27 -  Tensions Rising: The Mount Pinatubo Dilemma
INT. ANGELES CITY - CITY HALL - HALLWAY - SAME TIME

Ray and Bayani rush down the long hallway toward a large door
to a conference room.

Ray knocks. Nobody answers.

SUPER: Angeles City - 12 miles southeast of Clark Air Base

Ray goes to knock again but the door swings open revealing a
CITY COUNCIL MEMBER (Filipino ethnicity, wearing a suit.)

ALL DIALOGUE IN FILIPINO

CITY COUNCIL MEMBER
We’re in the middle of a meeting
right now.

RAY
This is very important.

CITY COUNCIL MEMBER
A lot of things are very important
but there is a line and right now
you two are at the back of it.

BAYANI
Please. It’s about Mount Pinatubo-

CITY COUNCIL MEMBER
-Of course it is... It still has to
wait.

RAY
Then we’ll wait right here.

The city council member shuts the door.

Ray and Bayani take a seat on the hallway bench.


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - CONFERENCE ROOM - LATER

INSERT - PROJECTOR SCREEN, which shows: A MAP OF MOUNT
PINATUBO

BACK TO CONFERENCE ROOM - A SHARPIE begins to draw a straight
line from Mount Pinatubo to Clark Air Base, then writes:
“8.2.” A circle is drawn around the perimeter of Mount
Pinatubo. One last bigger circle is drawn around the
perimeter of the smaller circle. It writes: “15 miles.”

Chris Newhall and Ewert, the sole woman in the room, stands
next to the OVERHEAD PROJECTOR, looking out at the crowd of
colonels, sergeants, and General Grime and Colonel Studer
sitting at the front.

CHRIS NEWHALL
It’s just over eight miles from
Pinatubo to the residential area on
Clark.

Ewert points at the biggest circle.

EWERT
There is a 99 percent chance of
safety behind this line.

General Grime is clearly not happy with that.

GENERAL GRIME
Believe it or not, when I was
younger I was a fighter pilot. If
you had given me the odds of 99%
then I would’ve told you that I see
that as a 1% chance at being 100%
dead -- our families live here --
100% is the only way.

INT. BASE OF PINATUBO - ARMORED SUV 2 - SAME TIME

Dave hits a bump and Lockhart bounces in his seat.

LOCKHART
I’m driving next time.

Dave shakes his head and smirks.

DAVE HARLOW
I don’t even know why we’re wasting
our time with this tiltmeter.

LOCKHART
What the hell happened between you
and tiltmeters?


DAVE HARLOW
We used them in Long Valley Caldera
in Mammoth California. We thought
they would give us an accurate
measurement of the magma movement
of subsurface reservoirs.

LOCKHART
I’m guessing they didn’t.

DAVE HARLOW
Word got around town that there was
an indication that the magma was on
the move to the surface. The entire
town went into a panic. Shops
shutdown, people left their homes,
and businesses went bankrupt. Once
we realized it was a false
reading...
(beat)
It was a big mess. Dan took the
fall for it.

LOCKHART
You got a lot riding on Pinatubo.

DAVE HARLOW
We all do.

Dave turns down another dirt road.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Ray and Bayani urgently seek a city council member at Angeles City Hall to discuss concerns about Mount Pinatubo but are met with resistance. Meanwhile, at Clark Air Base, Chris Newhall and Ewert present a safety assessment of the volcano, which General Grime challenges, demanding absolute safety. In an armored SUV, Dave and Lockhart express skepticism about tiltmeters, recalling a past incident that caused panic. The scene highlights the urgent need for communication about the volcano amidst conflicting perspectives on safety.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Conflict-driven narrative
  • Character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and establishes the high stakes surrounding the volcano eruption. The conflict between the characters adds depth and intrigue to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the conflict between scientific data and personal beliefs in the face of a natural disaster, is engaging and relevant. It adds depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in setting up the conflict and tension surrounding the potential eruption of Mount Pinatubo. It moves the story forward and establishes the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges of preparing for a natural disaster, with nuanced character interactions and conflicting viewpoints on risk assessment.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the narrative. The conflict between General Grime, Colonel Studer, and the scientists creates intrigue and tension.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between characters reveal their differing perspectives and motivations, setting the stage for potential development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to convince the City Council Member of the urgency of the situation regarding Mount Pinatubo and the potential danger it poses to the residents.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather support and resources to prepare for the eruption of Mount Pinatubo and ensure the safety of the residents.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with opposing viewpoints on the severity of the volcano eruption and the measures that need to be taken. This conflict drives the tension and drama of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and obstacles that challenge the protagonist's goals and beliefs.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the potential eruption of Mount Pinatubo posing a significant threat to the characters and their families. The urgency and seriousness of the situation heighten the stakes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing the imminent threat of the volcano eruption and the conflicting viewpoints of the characters. It sets up the narrative for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character actions and outcomes, but the philosophical conflict adds an element of unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the differing perspectives on risk assessment and decision-making in the face of a natural disaster. General Grime prioritizes absolute safety, while Ewert emphasizes statistical probability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with the tension and high stakes evoking feelings of anxiety and concern. The conflict between characters adds depth to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is tense and confrontational, effectively conveying the conflicting viewpoints of the characters. It adds to the overall tension and drama of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its high stakes, conflicting viewpoints, and character dynamics that create tension and suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard screenplay formatting conventions, making it easy to follow and visualize the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and thematic development, maintaining tension and momentum throughout.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency with Ray and Bayani's rush to the city hall, but it could benefit from more context about why their meeting is so critical. Adding a line or two that hints at the stakes involved with Mount Pinatubo would heighten the tension and give the audience a clearer understanding of the characters' motivations.
  • The dialogue in Filipino adds authenticity, but without subtitles or context, it may alienate non-Filipino speaking audiences. Consider including a brief translation or a visual cue that indicates the importance of the conversation, ensuring that all viewers can grasp the urgency of the situation.
  • The transition between the city hall scene and the conference room at Clark Air Base feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative. Perhaps a brief moment showing Ray and Bayani's frustration while waiting could serve as a bridge to the next scene, emphasizing the contrast between their urgency and the bureaucratic delay.
  • The introduction of the map and the statistics in the conference room is visually engaging, but the dialogue could be more dynamic. General Grime's reaction is strong, but it could be amplified with more emotional weight. Consider adding a personal anecdote or a rhetorical question that illustrates his fear for his family, making his character more relatable.
  • The dialogue between Dave and Lockhart in the SUV provides important backstory about the tiltmeters, but it feels somewhat expository. To maintain engagement, consider weaving this information into a more natural conversation that reflects their personalities and current emotional states, rather than a straightforward recounting of past events.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief line or two that highlights the stakes of the meeting at city hall, such as the potential consequences of inaction regarding Mount Pinatubo, to enhance the urgency of Ray and Bayani's mission.
  • Consider including subtitles or a visual cue for the Filipino dialogue to ensure that all audience members can follow the conversation and understand its significance.
  • Create a smoother transition between the city hall scene and the conference room by incorporating a moment that reflects Ray and Bayani's frustration while waiting, emphasizing the bureaucratic obstacles they face.
  • Enhance General Grime's dialogue by incorporating a personal story or emotional appeal that illustrates his concerns for his family, making his character more relatable and the stakes more palpable.
  • Revise the dialogue between Dave and Lockhart to make it feel more organic and reflective of their personalities, perhaps by incorporating humor or banter that reveals their relationship dynamics while still conveying the necessary backstory.



Scene 28 -  Tensions Rising: Science vs. Urgency
INT. CLARK AIR BASE - CONFERENCE ROOM - SAME TIME

There are murmurs in the crowd as Chris and Ewert start
losing the room.

CHRIS NEWHALL
It takes time for us to truly
understand the magnitude of these
events. Each volcano is different-

GENERAL GRIME
-This isn’t a science lab! It’s a
military operation. You might’ve
had the time and flexibility to
study at your own pace before but
we don’t have that luxury here! We
have several hundred thousand
military vehicles and 20,000 people
that need answers and not just
quickly, they need to be accurate!
My two girls depend on it.


EWERT
We understand-

GENERAL GRIME
-I don’t think you do. And I think
I’ve heard enough from you.

Ewert realizes this isn’t just about the disagreement of
their presentation, it’s also about her being a woman.


INT. BASE OF PINATUBO - ARMED SUV 2 - SAME TIME

The tall grass makes visibility almost impossible.

DAVE HARLOW
You forgot to charge the battery
again didn’t you?

LOCKHART
It’s not the battery.

Through the windshield, Lockhart sees a PICKUP TRUCK parked
and THREE ARMED FILIPINO MEN pulling the TILTMETER out of the
ground. They arm their AK-47s at the arriving SUV.

DAVE HARLOW
Holy shit.

Dave slams on the brakes.

LOCKHART
Filipino guerrillas.

He looks at Dave.


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - CONFERENCE ROOM - SAME TIME

Chris and Ewert have lost the room completely.

GENERAL GRIME
We need to see clear evidence
before we even start discussing
evacuation plans.

EWERT
The Colombian government didn’t
heed our warning either and a
volcanic mudflow buried that town!
Don’t make that same mistake.


GENERAL GRIME
I might not know a goddamn thing
about volcanoes but I do know how
to make tough calls and evacuating
20,000 residents on the basis of a
shaky scientific prediction is a
tough call. Colonel Studer brought
you here for a reason and that
reason was to predict if this
mountain was going to erupt. If you
can’t do then then why the hell are
you even here!
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense conference room at Clark Air Base, Chris Newhall and Ewert struggle to convey the complexities of volcanic activity to a frustrated General Grime, who demands immediate action to protect military personnel and his daughters. Ewert feels the added pressure of being a woman in a male-dominated environment as Grime dismisses her contributions. Meanwhile, at the base of Mount Pinatubo, Lockhart and Dave Harlow face a dangerous encounter with armed Filipino guerrillas stealing equipment. The scene highlights the escalating conflict between scientific uncertainty and the urgent need for decisive action, leaving the scientists feeling marginalized amidst the looming threats.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Sharp dialogue
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension through conflicting viewpoints and high stakes, keeping the audience engaged and anxious about the potential consequences.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of conflicting priorities between scientific accuracy and military expediency is compelling and drives the conflict in the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly through the confrontation between the experts and military officials, setting up future conflicts and decisions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of military decision-making and scientific predictions in the face of a natural disaster, adding a fresh perspective to the familiar genre of disaster films. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear, adding depth to the conflict and enhancing the tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the confrontation and conflict may lead to future developments and growth for the characters involved.

Internal Goal: 8

Ewert's internal goal is to prove herself and be taken seriously in a male-dominated military environment. She wants to be respected for her expertise and not dismissed because of her gender.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to convince the military officials to take immediate action based on their scientific predictions to evacuate the residents in the face of the impending volcanic eruption.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving personal, professional, and ethical tensions that drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the military officials challenging the protagonist's scientific predictions and creating obstacles to her goal of evacuating the residents.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of predicting a volcanic eruption and ensuring the safety of a population add urgency and tension to the scene, raising the emotional impact.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a critical conflict and raising the stakes for the characters and the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters and the shifting power dynamics that keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between scientific evidence and military decision-making. The military officials prioritize concrete evidence over scientific predictions, leading to a conflict of values and priorities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes tension and anxiety in the audience, drawing them into the high-stakes confrontation between the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the urgency and high stakes of the situation while highlighting the differing perspectives of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense conflict, and fast-paced dialogue that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the characters' decisions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through the dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between scientific urgency and military practicality, highlighting the stakes involved in the potential eruption of Mount Pinatubo. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict. General Grime's frustration is clear, but exploring his personal stakes further could enhance the emotional weight of his character.
  • Ewert's realization that the tension is also about her gender is a powerful moment, but it feels somewhat abrupt. This could be developed more subtly throughout the scene, perhaps through earlier interactions or micro-expressions that hint at her awareness of the dynamics at play.
  • The transition between the conference room and the SUV is effective in creating parallel tension, but the pacing could be improved. The shift feels a bit jarring; a smoother transition or a more explicit connection between the two scenes could enhance the flow.
  • The dialogue in the conference room is somewhat expository, particularly when Grime states, 'I might not know a goddamn thing about volcanoes.' This could be rephrased to sound more natural and less like a direct statement of the character's limitations. Instead, he could express his frustration through more visceral language or personal anecdotes that illustrate his point.
  • The urgency of the situation is palpable, but the stakes could be raised even higher by incorporating specific examples of what could happen if they fail to act. This would not only heighten the tension but also provide a clearer motivation for the characters' actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ewert subtly acknowledges the gender dynamics at play, perhaps through a brief exchange with another character or a moment of hesitation before she speaks, to build tension around her position.
  • Enhance General Grime's character by including a personal anecdote or a specific example of a past experience that informs his current stance, making his frustration more relatable and grounded.
  • Smooth the transition between the conference room and the SUV by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that connects the two scenes, such as a loud noise from the SUV that interrupts the conference, creating a sense of urgency.
  • Revise Grime's dialogue to make it feel more organic. Instead of stating his ignorance about volcanoes, he could express his frustration through a metaphor or a more emotional response that reflects his protective instincts as a father.
  • Incorporate a brief moment where Chris or Ewert highlights the potential consequences of inaction, such as referencing past disasters or specific data, to raise the stakes and reinforce the urgency of their message.



Scene 29 -  A Tense Negotiation at Mount Pinatubo
INT. BASE OF PINATUBO - ARMED SUV 2 - SAME TIME

Lockhart and Dave look at one another then back toward the
armed Filipino men.

LOCKHART
Let’s forget about it.

Dave reaches for the door handle.

LOCKHART (CONT’D)
What the hell are you doing?

Dave exits the vehicle with his hands raised in the air. He
takes a step forward but stops when AK-47S aim at him.

FILIPINO GUERRILLA
Tumigil ka! Tumigil ka! Huwag kang
lalapit!

Lockhart exists the vehicle.

FILIPINO GUERRILLA (CONT’D)
Kamay sa hangin!

One Filipino Guerrilla points toward his men motioning for
them to continue retrieving the TILTMETER from the hole.

DAVE HARLOW
You don’t have to do this --

They ignore Dave.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
You see that mountain, right
there!?
(pointing at the summit)
This device is the only way we know
if it’s going to erupt!


The Filipino guerrilla raise his AK-47 at him again.

FILIPINO GUERRILLA
Tumahimik ka! Tumahimik ka!

Lockhart points at Mount Pinatubo.

LOCKHART
You see that? Boom!
(motioning explosions with
his hands)
Kaboom! Ahhh! Run for your life!

Lockhart continues motioning his hands as if fireballs were
raining from the sky.

FILIPINO GUERRILLA
(broken English)
Mountain -- explode?

LOCKHART
Yes. Big one. Huge. Dangerous.

The Filipino man looks toward the peak of Mount Pinatubo.

DAVE HARLOW
We need this device. Please.

FILIPINO GUERRILLA
Warning?

DAVE HARLOW
Yes. It’s a warning system.

The guerrilla motions to the others to put it back.

FILIPINO GUERRILLA
Ibalik mo.

They place the TILTMETER back into the hole.

Lockhart, hands still raised, walks over to it and switches
it back on. The light doesn’t turn on.

LOCKHART
Okay, maybe I did forget to charge
it.

DAVE HARLOW
God damnit.

Lockhart looks at the Filipino guerrilla’s PICKUP TRUCK.

But I got an idea.


INT. ANGELES CITY - TOWN HALL - HALLWAY - SAME TIME

Ray and Bayani are still seated and staring at the closed
door.

ALL DIALOGUE IN FILIPINO

RAY
Chris and I worked on Mount Mayon
together.

BAYANI
You evacuated 73,000 people?

Ray nods.

RAY
And if Chris didn’t back me on that
those 73,000 people would’ve been
back in their homes when Mayon
erupted. They didn’t want to leave
but we had a feeling and we got it
right.
(beat)
They cry for help when they think
there might be a problem but hate
us when we tell them there is one.

BAYANI
How long have you known Chris?

RAY
He came to the Philippines with the
Peace Corps program twenty years
ago. I even introduced him to his
wife.
(beat)
This is her home and I think
sometimes it feels like Chris’s
home too.

Maybe Bayani is coming around to trusting Chris and his team
after all.

BAYANI
After Luzon I thought I lost
everything, even the trust I had in
people.

Ray stays quiet and listens.


BAYANI (CONT’D)
I guess a part of me thought if I
can handle this on my own I could
make sense of what happened.
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Thriller"]

Summary Lockhart and Dave confront armed Filipino guerrillas at the base of Mount Pinatubo while trying to retrieve a crucial tiltmeter for predicting volcanic eruptions. Dave pleads for the device, highlighting its importance, while Lockhart uses exaggerated gestures to convey the potential danger of an eruption. Initially resistant, the guerrillas eventually agree to return the tiltmeter after understanding its significance. However, Lockhart's frustration mounts when he discovers the device is uncharged, leaving them in a precarious situation.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • High stakes
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and conflict through the interaction between the characters and the guerrillas, creating a sense of urgency and danger. The dialogue and actions of the characters keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around a critical moment of conflict and decision-making, highlighting the characters' determination and resourcefulness in the face of adversity.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene advances the overall narrative by introducing a high-stakes situation that tests the characters' resolve and resourcefulness. It adds depth to the story and raises the tension.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting and conflict involving armed guerrillas and a volcanic warning system, offering a fresh take on survival and disaster themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene display courage, determination, and quick thinking in a dangerous situation, showcasing their strengths and vulnerabilities. Their interactions drive the conflict and resolution.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character arc in this scene, the characters demonstrate courage, resilience, and quick thinking in the face of danger, showcasing their strengths and vulnerabilities.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to convince the guerrillas to return the TILTMETER device, showcasing his desire to prevent a potential disaster and save lives.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to retrieve the TILTMETER device and ensure it is operational to monitor Mount Pinatubo's activity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, with the characters facing armed guerrillas and risking their safety to retrieve crucial equipment. The tension and danger are palpable throughout.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the guerrillas presenting a significant obstacle to the protagonists' goals. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the characters facing armed guerrillas and risking their safety to retrieve crucial equipment needed to monitor the volcanic activity. The danger and urgency are paramount.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a critical moment of conflict and decision-making that propels the characters into a dangerous situation. It adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable as the outcome of the confrontation with the guerrillas is uncertain, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the value of human life and the importance of warning systems in preventing disasters. The guerrillas prioritize their immediate needs over potential risks to others, while the protagonists emphasize the value of preparedness and safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes tension, concern, and determination in the characters, creating an emotional connection with the audience as they face a life-threatening situation. The stakes are high, adding to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the urgency, tension, and emotions of the characters, enhancing the conflict and drama. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its high stakes, intense dialogue, and suspenseful atmosphere. The conflict and character dynamics keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards for screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the action unfolding.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with escalating tension and conflict, leading to a resolution. The formatting aligns with the expected format for a suspenseful action scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the confrontation between Lockhart, Dave, and the armed Filipino guerrillas. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. The stakes are high, but the characters' reactions feel somewhat flat. Adding internal conflict or fear could enhance the urgency of the situation.
  • Lockhart's exaggerated gestures and comedic approach to explaining the danger of the volcano may undermine the seriousness of the moment. While humor can be effective, it risks trivializing the threat they face. Balancing humor with the gravity of the situation is crucial.
  • The dialogue between Dave and the guerrillas is functional but lacks nuance. The guerrillas' responses could be more varied to reflect their motivations and personalities, rather than simply serving as obstacles. This would create a more dynamic interaction and deepen the conflict.
  • The transition between this scene and the one at Angeles City Hall feels abrupt. While the parallel storytelling is interesting, the connection between the two scenes could be more clearly established to enhance the narrative flow. Consider using a visual or thematic link to bridge the two locations.
  • The scene ends on a note of frustration with the tiltmeter not working, which is a strong moment. However, it could be more impactful if it were tied back to the emotional stakes established earlier in the scene. For instance, showing how this failure affects Dave and Lockhart's sense of responsibility could heighten the tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or emotional reactions from Dave and Lockhart to convey their fear and desperation in the face of danger. This will help the audience connect with their plight.
  • Revise Lockhart's dialogue to strike a better balance between humor and seriousness. Perhaps he could use a more straightforward approach to convey the urgency of the situation while still maintaining some levity.
  • Develop the personalities of the Filipino guerrillas further. Give them distinct voices or motivations that reflect their circumstances, making the confrontation feel more layered and complex.
  • Enhance the transition to the Angeles City Hall scene by incorporating a visual cue or thematic element that ties the two locations together, such as a shared concern for the impending eruption.
  • Strengthen the emotional impact of the tiltmeter's failure by linking it to the characters' earlier discussions about responsibility and the consequences of inaction. This could amplify the stakes and create a more resonant conclusion to the scene.



Scene 30 -  Tensions and Reflections
INT. BACK ROAD - ARMORED SUV 2 - LATER

Dave drives while Lockhart quietly stares forward. Dave looks
in the REAR-VIEW-MIRROR at the three Filipino guerrillas
sitting cramped in the backseat.

DAVE HARLOW
(looking toward the back)
Thanks again for the battery and
sorry about your truck.

FILIPINO GUERRILLA
Walang problema.

DAVE HARLOW
If an order comes to evacuate,
don’t ignore it. You all get the
hell out of here, okay?

Dave looks over at Lockhart.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
Way to handle it back there.

Lockhart nods.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
(jokingly)
I hope the tiltmeter was worth it.


INT. ANGELES CITY - CITY HALL - HALLWAY - LATER

THE DOOR OPENS and the council member exits and sees Bayani
and Ray still waiting.

ALL DIALOGUE IN FILIPINO

CITY COUNCIL MEMBER
I’m sorry but the city council is
unable to meet with you today.

RAY
We’ve been waiting all day-


CITY COUNCIL MEMBER
-We’ve come to the conclusion that
these experiments that your geology
department has been asking us to
fund is all but a thesis project --
not a warning sign.

BAYANI
You’re making a huge mistake!

CITY COUNCIL MEMBER
We don’t need a bunch of scientists
starting mass hysteria.

Ray and Bayani watch the city council member walks away.


EXT. RICK’S BACKYARD - NIGHT

A small fire illuminates the backyard.

Rick tosses another log into the fire as he sits alone.

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a SMALL PIECE OF
METAL that seems to be broken in half. He looks closely at
it.

INSERT - SMALL PIECE OF METAL, which has the etched in
letters of an incomplete word: “COLDWAT”

BACK TO BACKYARD - Appearing out of the shadows, with the
fire now glowing against her face, Rick’s daughter approaches
him.

RICK HOBLITT
You can’t sleep either?

Rick pulls up an extra folding chair and his daughter takes a
seat.

RICK HOBLITT (CONT’D)
What’s on your mind?

Rick’s daughter takes a moment before speaking.

RICK’S DAUGHTER
I saw the map on your desk.

Rick realizes now what’s bothering her.

RICK HOBLITT
It’s not what it looks like-


RICK HOBLITT’S DAUGHTER
-You promised you weren’t going to
do this anymore.

RICK HOBLITT
I never said I was leaving-

RICK HOBLITT’S DAUGHTER
-You’re lying again!

Rick gets quiet.

RICK HOBLITT’S DAUGHTER (CONT’D)
Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

Rick’s daughter stands up from her seat and walks back toward
the house. Rick watches he enter. He looks back at the fire
again.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Dave drives an armored SUV, expressing gratitude to a Filipino guerrilla while acknowledging the need for caution. Meanwhile, at Angeles City Hall, Bayani and Ray confront a dismissive city council member about their funding request for geological experiments, leading to a heated exchange. The scene shifts to Rick's backyard at night, where he reflects on a piece of metal and faces disappointment from his daughter over his past promises. The scene concludes with Rick watching her walk away, leaving him alone by the fire.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Compelling character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be further developed for added impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension through dialogue and character interactions, setting up high stakes and emotional conflicts. However, some elements could be further developed to enhance the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of mounting tensions and conflicting priorities is well-established in the scene, driving the narrative forward and creating a sense of impending conflict.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced through the escalating tensions and conflicts between characters, setting up future developments and raising the stakes for the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and conflicts, such as the tension between the protagonist and their daughter, as well as the political disagreements between the Filipino guerrillas and the city council members. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear, leading to compelling interactions and emotional depth. The conflicts between characters drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters experience emotional shifts and confrontations, leading to potential changes in their beliefs and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and composure in a dangerous situation. This reflects their need for survival and protection of themselves and others.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate through a risky situation involving conflicting interests and potential threats. This reflects the immediate challenges they are facing in the world around them.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, driving the emotional impact and setting up future developments.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests and power struggles creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes in the scene, including potential volcanic eruptions and escalating tensions, add urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up future conflicts and developments, raising the stakes for the characters and the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character interactions and the shifting power dynamics between different groups. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's sense of duty and responsibility towards others, and the opposing views of those who prioritize avoiding panic and maintaining control. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about leadership and decision-making.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly through the tense interactions and emotional confrontations between characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and emotional turmoil between characters, adding depth to their interactions and highlighting their conflicting beliefs.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflicts, and suspenseful interactions between characters. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense throughout, with well-timed reveals and character interactions that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue that advances the plot effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the tension of the previous scene to a more personal moment, showcasing the emotional stakes for Rick and his daughter. However, the abrupt shift in tone from the urgency of the city council meeting to the quiet backyard scene may feel jarring for the audience. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue in the first part of the scene, particularly between Dave and the guerrillas, feels somewhat flat and lacks emotional depth. While it serves to establish the situation, it could benefit from more tension or stakes, especially considering the dangerous context they are in. The humor about the tiltmeter feels out of place given the gravity of their situation.
  • The interaction between Rick and his daughter is poignant and highlights the personal conflict he faces regarding his work. However, the dialogue could be more impactful if it included specific references to past promises or events that led to her current feelings. This would deepen the emotional resonance and clarify the stakes for both characters.
  • The use of Filipino dialogue without translation may alienate some viewers who do not understand the language. Providing subtitles or a brief context could help maintain engagement and ensure that the audience understands the urgency of Ray and Bayani's situation.
  • The visual elements, such as the small piece of metal and the fire, are effective in creating a mood, but they could be tied more explicitly to the themes of loss and memory. For instance, elaborating on the significance of the metal piece could enhance its emotional weight and connect it to Rick's past experiences.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of tension or conflict in the SUV scene, perhaps by having the guerrillas react more strongly to Dave's comments or by introducing a sense of danger that underscores their precarious situation.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Rick and his daughter by incorporating specific past events or promises that would make her concerns feel more justified and relatable. This could create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
  • To improve the transition between scenes, consider adding a visual or auditory cue that links the urgency of the city council meeting to the reflective nature of Rick's backyard scene, such as a distant siren or the sound of a helicopter.
  • Include subtitles for the Filipino dialogue to ensure that all viewers can follow the conversation and understand the stakes involved in Ray and Bayani's plea for funding.
  • Explore the significance of the small piece of metal further, perhaps by having Rick reflect on its meaning or how it connects to his past, which could deepen the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 31 -  Tensions Erupt on Mount St. Helens
EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - HILLSIDE - MORNING

A TILTMETER sits alone on the side of St. Helens.

SUPER: 1980

Harry bends down and scopes it out. He pulls the RADIO up.

HARRY GLICKEN
Tiltmeter looks solid, David, over.


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - NORTH RIDGE HILLSIDE - SAME TIME

BINOCULARS are watching Harry from a distance. They finally
lower revealing David, now holding the RADIO.

DAVID JOHNSTON
Which means the movement it’s
detecting is accurate.

David grabs the DATA from his pocket. He scans it.

DAVID JOHNSTON (CONT’D)
She’s unstable. Get the hell off
that mountain.

HARRY GLICKEN (O.S.)
Copy that, over. I’m headed back to
Coldwater.


INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - HALLWAY - SAME TIME

An office door is ajar and Dan Miller and Rick are peaking
into the room where Patty Lipman and Don Swanson are each
going over data.

Don is looking through a MICROSCOPE and Patty is writing on
the WHITEBOARD, and both are still wearing Hawaiian shirts.

DAN MILLER
(whispering)
They got spoiled with Kilauea’s
activity and now they don’t have
the patience like we do. They’re
adrenaline junkies -- they also
call themselves the musketeers -- I
don’t have to explain why that
sucks.

PATTY LIPMAN
We monitor one of the most active
volcanoes in the world which is
another way of me saying we have
experiences that your team doesn’t.

Don Swanson looks up from his MICROSCOPE.

DON SWANSON
And you’re gonna have to speak a
little softer if you’re going to
talk behind our back -- or I guess
in this case, directly to our
front.


INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Dan finally enters their office.

DAN MILLER
Mauna Kea and Kilauea are child’s
play next to the Cascades.

Don Swanson rolls up his sleeve revealing a massive scar.

DON SWANSON
Lava bomb - what do you have to
show for it?

DAN MILLER
Multiple publications.


DON SWANSON
Then go write an essay about St.
Helens while we try to solve it.

DAN MILLER
If you want to take over this
operation why don’t you start by
answering some calls for once!

PATTY LIPMAN
We didn’t come here to be PR -- You
Denver folks seem to have a handle
on it.

DAN MILLER
Do either of you own different
shirts or is that it?

DON SWANSON
Why don’t you go carbon date
something and get to me in ten
years.

Dan SWIPES THE MICROSCOPE OFF THE DESK AND IT SHATTERS
AGAINST THE WALL. Rick rushes in and pulls Dan back.

Rocky and Mullineaux rush in after hearing the commotion.

MULLINEAUX
We have a volcano that God only
knows when it’s going to erupt, a
giant bulge on the north side that
might come crashing down at any
moment, and I’ve been on the phone
all goddamn-morning trying to keep
timber workers from getting too
close! I already lost my shit
today, I don’t need anyone else
losing theirs!

David rushes into the office now.

DAVID JOHNSTON
Tiltmeters are showing extreme
movement on the north slope and
geometers are showing a 250-foot
change!

ROCKY
This week?

DAVID JOHNSTON
Just today!
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In 1980 on Mount St. Helens, Harry Glicken monitors a tilt meter while receiving warnings from David Johnston about the volcano's instability. At the Forest Service HQ, Dan Miller confronts Patty Lipman and Don Swanson over their approach to volcanic monitoring, leading to a heated argument that escalates when Dan smashes a microscope in frustration. As tensions rise among the team, David rushes in with alarming data about the volcano's movement, underscoring the urgency of the situation.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict and tension
  • Effective dialogue exchanges
  • Urgent pacing and high stakes
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension through confrontations, urgent warnings, and escalating conflicts, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the tensions and conflicts surrounding the monitoring of a volatile volcano is engaging and well-developed, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene with the revelation of unstable conditions on the volcano, conflicts between characters, and the urgent need for action to prevent a potential disaster.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh setting and situation, combining scientific expertise with personal conflicts in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined with distinct personalities and conflicting motivations, driving the tension and conflict in the scene effectively.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the conflicts and confrontations hint at potential shifts in perspectives and alliances as the narrative progresses.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove their expertise and dedication to monitoring the volcano, showcasing their commitment to their work and the safety of others.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to ensure the safety of the team and the surrounding area by accurately monitoring the volcanic activity and making informed decisions based on the data.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions rising between characters, differing opinions on how to handle the volcanic situation, and urgent warnings of potential disaster.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and personal conflicts adding layers of tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as characters face the imminent threat of a volcanic eruption, leading to urgent warnings, confrontations, and the need for decisive action to prevent disaster.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing unstable conditions on the volcano, escalating conflicts between characters, and the urgent need for action to prevent a potential disaster.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to the volatile nature of the volcanic activity and the characters' conflicting approaches, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the differing approaches to handling the volcanic activity, with one group emphasizing experience and caution while the other group focuses on urgency and action.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes anxiety, frustration, and defiance from the characters, creating an emotional impact on the audience as they feel the urgency and high stakes of the situation.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is intense, confrontational, and urgent, reflecting the high stakes and conflicting viewpoints of the characters involved.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of tension, conflict, and urgency, keeping the audience invested in the characters' decisions and the outcome of the volcanic activity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and urgency, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' decisions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct locations and character interactions, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and tension with the characters' interactions and the impending volcanic threat. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when characters are explaining their qualifications or experiences. This can detract from the natural flow of conversation and make it feel less organic.
  • The conflict between the characters is clear, but it could be heightened further. The stakes of their argument about the volcano's activity and the urgency of their situation could be emphasized more through their emotional responses and physical actions. For instance, showing more physicality in their interactions could enhance the tension.
  • The transition between the different locations (Mount St. Helens and the Forest Service HQ) is somewhat abrupt. While it serves to show the simultaneous nature of events, it might benefit from smoother transitions or visual cues that connect the two settings more cohesively.
  • The use of humor, particularly in the dialogue about Hawaiian shirts, feels somewhat out of place given the gravity of the situation. While humor can be effective in breaking tension, it should be used judiciously to avoid undermining the seriousness of the volcanic threat.
  • The introduction of the tilt meter and its significance is a strong plot point, but it could be better integrated into the characters' dialogue. Instead of simply stating its importance, characters could express their concerns or fears about what the readings mean, adding depth to their motivations.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it feel more natural and less expository. Allow characters to express their thoughts and feelings more organically, perhaps through anecdotes or personal stakes related to the volcano.
  • Enhance the physicality of the characters during their arguments. For example, they could move around the office, gesturing emphatically or pacing, which would visually convey their anxiety and urgency.
  • Use visual transitions or sound cues to connect the scenes at Mount St. Helens and the Forest Service HQ more fluidly. This could involve a sound bridge of the radio communication or a visual motif that links the two locations.
  • Evaluate the use of humor in the dialogue. If humor is included, ensure it serves to enhance the characters' relationships or provide relief without detracting from the overall tension of the scene.
  • Deepen the emotional stakes surrounding the tilt meter readings. Characters could express their fears about the implications of the data, perhaps referencing past experiences or losses, to create a more compelling narrative.



Scene 32 -  Urgent Warnings: The Geological Threats Ahead
INT. PSU - COLLEGE LECTURE HALL - MORNING

INSERT - PROJECTOR SCREEN, which shows: “1958 Lituya Bay
earthquake and megatsunami aftermath footage.”

SUPER: Penn State University - Geology Department

BACK TO LECTURE HALL - BARRY VOIGHT (male, clean shaved, 43)
points with a yardstick at the images on the screen.

BARRY VOIGHT
The strike-slip earthquake took
place on the Fairweather Fault and
triggered a rockslide of 90 million
tons into the narrow inlet of
Lituya bay.

He changes the image.

BARRY VOIGHT (CONT’D)
The sudden displacement of water
resulted in a megatsunami that
washed out trees to a maximum
elevation of 1,719 feet. That’s
taller than the Empire State
Building.

Barry Voight’s attention is pulled away at the waving DEAN at
the corner of the room.

BARRY VOIGHT (CONT’D)
Excuse me for a moment.

Barry Voight walks over to the dead.

The dean whispers something into Barry’s ear. Barry now seems
concerned. He walks back over to the class.

BARRY VOIGHT (CONT’D)
Class dismissed.


INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Barry Voight is now shuffling through research papers at the
end of the long table where Rocky, Mullineaux, Dan, Rick, Don
Swanson, Patty Lipman, and David Johnston are sitting.

DON SWANSON
(whispering)
That’s Jon Voight’s brother.

PATTY LIPMAN
Like Midnight Cowboy Jon Voight?


DON SWANSON
Yeah -- or Deliverance Jon Voight.

Barry finally looks up at the volcanologists.

BARRY VOIGHT
Every landslide has an inflection
point and once it reaches that
limit -- things get complicated.
I’ll need my own team of surveyors
to re-measure the rates.

ROCKY
We’re scraping at the bottom as it
is. The Survey won’t fund it.

BARRY VOIGHT
Then heed my warning -- the north
slope is primed to fail. If it
continues to inflate and it reaches
the point of no return, it will be
poised to be one of the biggest
landslides in history. It could
very well uncork a cataclysmic
eruption event.
Genres: ["Disaster","Geology","Academic"]

Summary In a college lecture hall at Penn State University, geology professor Barry Voight delivers a lecture on the 1958 Lituya Bay earthquake and megatsunami, only to be interrupted by the dean, prompting him to dismiss the class. The scene shifts to a conference room at the Forest Service HQ, where Barry discusses the imminent dangers of a landslide with fellow volcanologists, stressing the need for a survey team to assess the north slope's risk of failure. Despite Barry's urgent warnings, his colleagues express skepticism about funding for the proposed research, leaving the conflict unresolved as Barry insists on the necessity for immediate action.
Strengths
  • Effective setup of impending disaster
  • Building tension and urgency
  • Establishing high stakes
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more dynamic
  • Character depth could be improved

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the impending disaster by providing crucial information and building tension through the interactions between characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a looming disaster and the need for urgent action is well-developed and drives the scene forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is focused on setting up the potential disaster and the characters' reactions to the impending threat.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of geological information and character dynamics, with a fresh approach to presenting scientific concepts in a dramatic and engaging manner. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are used to convey the urgency and seriousness of the situation, with each playing a specific role in building tension.

Character Changes: 7

While there is some development in terms of characters reacting to the impending threat, more significant changes could enhance the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Barry Voight's internal goal in this scene is to educate his students about the geological events of the past and to warn them about the potential dangers of future disasters. This reflects his deeper desire to share his knowledge and expertise in order to prevent harm and protect lives.

External Goal: 9

Barry Voight's external goal in this scene is to convince the other volcanologists to fund his research and assemble a team of surveyors to re-measure the rates of the north slope. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in getting the necessary resources to prevent a potential catastrophic event.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict arises from the differing opinions on how to handle the potential disaster, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Barry Voight faces resistance from the other volcanologists in his efforts to secure funding for his research and prevent a potential disaster.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters face the possibility of a catastrophic event and must make critical decisions to prevent it.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the potential disaster and the characters' responses to it.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting priorities and perspectives of the characters, as well as the potential consequences of the impending disaster that adds a layer of uncertainty to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between the urgency of Barry Voight's warning about the potential disaster and the reluctance of the other volcanologists to fund his research. This challenges Barry's beliefs in the importance of proactive measures to prevent natural disasters and highlights the differing priorities and perspectives of the characters.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of concern and urgency, but could have a stronger emotional impact with more character depth.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys information about past disasters and the potential future threat, but could be more dynamic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines educational information with character dynamics and conflict, creating a sense of urgency and tension that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing exposition with character interactions, creating a sense of urgency and tension that propels the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhances readability and clarity.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy sequence in a screenplay, with clear transitions between locations and interactions between characters that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and importance regarding the geological risks being discussed. Barry Voight's character is introduced as knowledgeable and authoritative, which is essential for conveying the gravity of the situation. However, the transition from the lecture hall to the conference room feels abrupt and could benefit from a smoother connection to maintain narrative flow.
  • The dialogue in the conference room contains some humorous elements, such as the banter about Jon Voight, which lightens the mood but may detract from the overall tension of the impending disaster. While humor can be effective, it should be used sparingly in a scene that deals with serious subject matter to avoid undermining the stakes.
  • Barry's warning about the north slope's potential failure is crucial, but it could be more impactful if it were delivered with greater emotional weight. The stakes are high, and the characters' reactions to his warnings should reflect that urgency. Consider adding more visceral reactions from the other characters to emphasize the seriousness of his claims.
  • The scene lacks a clear visual or emotional climax. While Barry's warning is significant, the scene could benefit from a more dramatic moment that encapsulates the tension, such as a sudden interruption or a visual cue that signifies the danger they are discussing. This would help to heighten the stakes and engage the audience more effectively.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial lecture is engaging, but the transition to the conference room slows down the momentum. Consider tightening the dialogue and interactions in the conference room to maintain a brisk pace that matches the urgency of the subject matter.
Suggestions
  • Create a smoother transition between the lecture hall and the conference room by incorporating a brief moment that connects the two settings, such as a character reflecting on the lecture as they move to the next location.
  • Limit the humorous banter in the conference room to maintain the scene's tension. If humor is included, ensure it serves to enhance character relationships without undermining the seriousness of the discussion.
  • Enhance Barry's warning by including more dramatic reactions from the other characters, such as gasps or urgent questions, to convey the gravity of the situation and the potential consequences of inaction.
  • Introduce a dramatic visual or auditory cue that signifies the danger being discussed, such as a tremor or a sudden noise, to create a more impactful moment that underscores the urgency of Barry's warning.
  • Revise the dialogue in the conference room to be more concise and impactful, ensuring that each line contributes to the overall tension and urgency of the scene.



Scene 33 -  Tensions Rise at Forest Service HQ
INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - KITCHEN - DAY

Coffee is brewing but that doesn’t stop Rocky from pulling
the pot out early, burning his hand in the process.

RICK HOBLITT
The north slope would fall into
Spirit Lake.

David holds out his coffee cup for Rocky to refill.

DAVID JOHNSTON
We also have to discuss the risk of
a lateral eruption.

That catches everyone by surprise.

DAVID JOHNSTON (CONT’D)
These cascades volcanoes are junk
piles -- Conduits can find
weaknesses in the structure, moving
toward the sides instead of the
summit.

DON SWANSON
What the hell does that mean?


DAVID JOHNSTON
St. Helens is a champagne bottle
lying on its side and it’s pointing
right at Coldwater.

RICK HOBLITT
That changes every hazard map we’re
released to the public.

Rocky and Mullineaux look at Dan now.

ROCKY
And what do you think about all
this? Do you agree?

Dan looks at Mullineaux and Rocky and then at Rick. He nods.

DAN MILLER
I agree with Rick and David. We
have to move it back.

MULLINEAUX
How far?

DAN MILLER
Twice the distance at least.

MULLINEAUX
Jesus Christ.

Rick is confused by Rocky and Mullineaux are so furious.

RICK HOBLITT
What do you want us to say? That
everything is going to be fine?

MULLINEAUX
You’re not the one that has to
communicate to the Survey and ask
for more money where there is none!

ROCKY
You’re also not the one picking up
the phone every day, explaining to
these people why they can’t go to
work, why they can’t go back to
their homes.

MULLINEAUX
We’ll lose all credibility if we
change the hazard maps.

Rocky looks at Patty and Don.


ROCKY
What do you two think?

PATTY LIPMAN
I think we’re the most qualified
people in this room and I think
these three bozos are overreacting
right now.

DON SWANSON
Fear mongering.

DAN MILLER
Screw you! You’re going to take
their word over ours?

PATTY LIPMAN
If we would’ve been invited here
sooner we would’ve had this entire
clown-show under control!

Don Swanson nods and agrees.

DON SWANSON
We’ve been working from behind
since we arrived!

ROCKY
All of us have been trying to play
catchup since St. Helens started
taking!

Everyone is quiet now for a moment as Mullineaux steps
forward.

MULLINEAUX
There’s only one of us who has seen
a volcano of this magnitude up
close.

Mullineaux looks at David.

MULLINEAUX (CONT’D)
What would you have us do, David?

David looks around at everyone in the room. He takes a deep
breath.

DAVID JOHNSTON
At the very least, we have to move
our observation site back.

David looks at Rick and Rick gives him a nod.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the Forest Service HQ kitchen, Rocky burns his hand while pouring coffee, symbolizing the urgency of the situation. The team debates the risks of a lateral eruption from St. Helens, with David Johnston warning about potential dangers and the need to update hazard maps. Tensions escalate as Patty Lipman and Don Swanson argue against perceived overreactions, while Dan Miller supports David's call to move their observation site back. The scene culminates in David asserting the necessity of this action, highlighting the high stakes and stress among the team.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict and tension
  • Engaging dialogue and interactions
  • Effective plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive arguments
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and conflict through the heated arguments and differing opinions of the characters, creating a sense of urgency and importance.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the conflicting viewpoints and high stakes surrounding the potential volcanic eruption, is engaging and effectively drives the plot forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the intense disagreements and decisions made regarding the volcanic hazard maps, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges of dealing with a potential volcanic eruption, focusing on the internal conflicts and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and drives the narrative forward.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, each with their own motivations and perspectives that contribute to the escalating conflict. The interactions between the characters drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the differing perspectives and conflicts experienced by the characters contribute to their development and growth throughout the narrative.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to convince the other characters of the urgency of moving their observation site back to a safer distance. This reflects his desire to protect lives and prevent a disaster.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to convince his colleagues to take action to prevent a potential volcanic eruption disaster. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the threat posed by the volcano.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense disagreements and differing opinions leading to confrontations and heated arguments among the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters holding conflicting viewpoints and facing difficult decisions. The audience is kept on edge as they wait to see how the characters will resolve their differences.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters grapple with the decision to move the observation site back and the potential consequences of their actions in relation to the volcanic eruption.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, decisions, and developments related to the potential volcanic eruption, setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the conflicting viewpoints and unexpected reactions from the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters who prioritize safety and caution, and those who prioritize maintaining credibility and avoiding fear-mongering. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the importance of taking proactive measures to prevent disaster.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience through the tense interactions and high stakes involved in the decision-making process regarding the volcanic eruption.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and confrontational, effectively conveying the tension and urgency of the situation. The arguments and discussions between the characters are engaging and drive the conflict forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional conflicts, and urgent decision-making that drive the narrative forward. The tension between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions contributes to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted in a way that enhances the flow of the conversation.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation. The dialogue and character interactions are well-paced and contribute to the development of the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and urgency regarding the potential volcanic eruption, which is crucial for maintaining audience engagement. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when characters explain the risks of a lateral eruption. This could be streamlined to sound more natural and less like a lecture.
  • The conflict between the characters is palpable, but it could benefit from clearer stakes. While the urgency of the situation is established, the emotional weight of the characters' decisions could be enhanced. For instance, showing how the potential changes to the hazard maps affect their personal lives or careers would deepen the stakes.
  • The use of humor, particularly with Rocky burning his hand, is a nice touch that lightens the mood momentarily. However, it might be more effective if this humor was woven throughout the scene rather than appearing as a standalone moment. This could help balance the tension with levity more consistently.
  • The scene's pacing is somewhat uneven. The initial setup with Rocky burning his hand feels disconnected from the subsequent intense discussion about volcanic risks. A smoother transition between these moments could enhance the flow of the scene.
  • The dialogue among the characters is engaging, but it sometimes lacks distinct voices. Each character should have a unique way of speaking that reflects their personality and background. This would help the audience differentiate between them more easily and make the interactions feel more dynamic.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating more character-driven moments that reveal personal stakes related to the volcanic threat. This could involve flashbacks or brief anecdotes that highlight their past experiences with eruptions.
  • Revise the dialogue to reduce exposition and make it feel more organic. Instead of explaining the risks in detail, characters could express their concerns through more emotional and personal language.
  • Introduce a subplot or a personal conflict that runs parallel to the main discussion about the eruption. This could involve a character's family or community being affected by the potential evacuation, adding depth to their motivations.
  • Enhance the humor by integrating it into the dialogue and interactions more fluidly, rather than having it as a separate moment. This could help maintain a balance between tension and levity throughout the scene.
  • Give each character a distinct voice by incorporating unique speech patterns, phrases, or attitudes that reflect their backgrounds and personalities. This will make the dialogue more engaging and help the audience connect with each character.



Scene 34 -  Reflections on the Edge of Eruption
EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS NORTH RIDGE HILLSIDE - EVENING

Rick’s FORD BRONCO is parked next to an OLD WHITE CAMPER. A
few feet away, Rick, David, and Harry are seated next to one
another looking out at St. Helens.

SUPER: Mount St. Helens - Coldwater II Observation Post

A half bottle of whiskey is poured into three tin cups. Rick
hands one to Harry and then David and cheers them.

David looks at S02 DATA while taking a sip of his whiskey.

DAVID JOHNSTON
S02 continues to drop.

HARRY GLICKEN
Yet seismic activity continues to
increase.

DAVID JOHNSTON
Volcanoes can be contradictory. It
can teeter from catastrophe to
quiescence.

Rick looks at David.

RICK HOBLITT
Did you always want to do this?

DAVID JOHNSTON
Sleep next to an active volcano?

Harry and Rick laugh.

DAVID JOHNSTON (CONT’D)
I wanted to be a photographer. My
mom worked for the local paper and
she got me a part-time job when I
was nine. I always dreamed of
shooting for National Geographic.

RICK HOBLITT
What changed?

DAVID JOHNSTON
One thing led to another and I was
at Washington pursuing my doctorate
in volcanology with an emphasis on
the explosive ones.

HARRY GLICKEN
That’s where we met.


David and Harry cheers their whiskey glasses.

DAVID JOHNSTON
I’ve been trying to solve the
correlation between gas readings
and future eruptions. Maybe there’s
a way to predict it.

RICK HOBLITT
Did you know Augustine was going to
erupt?

DAVID JOHNSTON
Right before we got rescued the S02
plummeted to almost zero. 24 hours
later Augustine exploded.
We went back a few months later.
The shed we were taking refuge in
was completely incinerated. We
wouldn’t have survived.

RICK HOBLITT
Jesus.

DAVID JOHNSTON
But I wouldn’t have changed what
happened there. If one of these
mountains decides to go while I’m
on it, what was there before might
not remain but my coordinates will
be there forever. Everyone will
know exactly where I stood --
(beat)
-- What I stand for.

FADE OUT.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary On a hillside overlooking Mount St. Helens, Rick, David, and Harry share a bottle of whiskey while discussing the volcano's unpredictable nature. David reflects on his journey from aspiring photographer to volcanologist, sharing a past experience with the Augustine volcano and his desire to leave a lasting legacy. The scene captures a blend of camaraderie and contemplation as they bond over their shared experiences and the inherent dangers of their work, culminating in David's philosophical thoughts on the significance of his coordinates in the event of an eruption.
Strengths
  • Character development
  • Reflective moments
  • Informative dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Moderate emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines reflective moments with informative dialogue, setting a serious tone that deepens the audience's understanding of the characters and their motivations. The camaraderie and shared history between the characters add depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the characters' past experiences, aspirations, and motivations in the field of volcanology is compelling and adds depth to the overall narrative. The scene effectively integrates personal reflections with scientific discussions.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character development and thematic exploration, deepening the audience's connection to the story. The reflective moments and informative dialogue contribute to the overall narrative arc.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the dangers and uncertainties of studying volcanoes, combining scientific accuracy with emotional depth in the characters' experiences. The dialogue feels authentic and resonant, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal depth and complexity, showcasing their individual journeys and the risks they face as volcanologists.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, the audience gains a deeper understanding of the characters' motivations, aspirations, and past experiences. The scene contributes to the overall character development and sets the stage for potential growth.

Internal Goal: 8

David's internal goal is to make a meaningful impact through his work as a volcanologist and photographer. He seeks recognition and validation for his research and desires to leave a lasting legacy.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to study and understand the correlation between gas readings and volcanic eruptions, with the hope of predicting future events to save lives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

The scene has a low level of conflict, focusing more on introspection and character development. The conflict arises more from internal struggles and past experiences rather than external challenges.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing the unpredictable forces of nature and the inherent risks of their work. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' fates, adding to the scene's tension.

High Stakes: 5

The stakes in the scene are relatively low, focusing more on character introspection and personal reflections. While the characters face risks as volcanologists, the immediate danger is not prominently featured in this particular scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's connection to the characters and providing essential background information on their motivations and aspirations. It sets the stage for future developments and challenges.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the volatile nature of the volcano and the characters' uncertain fates. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's acceptance of the unpredictable and dangerous nature of volcanoes, juxtaposed with his desire to find patterns and predictability in their behavior. This challenges his belief in control and certainty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, evoking reflection and empathy from the audience as the characters share their personal and professional journeys. The camaraderie and shared history add emotional depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and informative, providing insight into the characters' past experiences, aspirations, and professional challenges. The conversations flow naturally and contribute to character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of scientific intrigue, personal drama, and existential reflection. The characters' interactions and the looming threat of the volcano create a sense of urgency and suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey. The rhythm of the dialogue and action enhances the scene's emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard screenplay formatting conventions, making it easy to follow and visualize the action. The dialogue is clear and concise, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and narrative progression. It effectively sets up the tension and stakes of the story while advancing the plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of camaraderie among the characters through their shared experience and the act of drinking whiskey together. This moment of bonding is crucial in a high-stress environment like volcanology, where the stakes are life and death. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth to enhance the gravity of their situation. While the humor is appreciated, it may undercut the tension that should be present given the context of their work.
  • David's backstory about wanting to be a photographer adds a personal touch, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the immediate tension of the volcanic threat. The transition from discussing the volcano's activity to reminiscing about past dreams could be smoother. Consider weaving in more urgency or a direct connection to their current predicament to maintain the scene's momentum.
  • The dialogue about the S02 data and seismic activity is informative but may come off as overly technical for some viewers. While it's important to convey the scientific aspects of their work, consider simplifying the language or adding a metaphor that relates to their emotional state or the stakes involved. This would help keep the audience engaged without losing the scientific integrity of the conversation.
  • The ending line about David's coordinates being remembered forever is poignant, but it could be more impactful if it were tied back to the themes of legacy and sacrifice earlier in the scene. This would create a stronger emotional resonance and a clearer thematic throughline, making the audience reflect on the cost of their work.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more tension into the dialogue by having the characters express their fears or doubts about the volcano's activity. This could create a more urgent atmosphere and deepen the emotional stakes.
  • Consider adding a moment where the characters reflect on the potential consequences of their work, perhaps by discussing a recent eruption or disaster. This would ground their conversation in reality and heighten the sense of danger.
  • Enhance the visual elements of the scene by describing the setting in more detail. For example, the ominous presence of Mount St. Helens could be emphasized to remind the audience of the looming threat, contrasting with the lightheartedness of their whiskey toast.
  • Explore the dynamics between the characters further. Perhaps include a moment of disagreement or differing opinions on their approach to the volcano, which could add depth to their relationships and highlight the pressures they face.



Scene 35 -  From Science Fair to Volcanic Tension
INT. SCHOOL GYMNASIUM - DAY

A SCIENCE FAIR is happening at the school gym. Rick watches
his daughter from a distance start her presentation with her
HOMEMADE VOLCANO. He smiles but soon all sound begins to fade
out.

SERIES OF SHOTS:

1. RICK HEARS A RUMBLE IN THE DISTANCE

2. HE CLOSES HIS EYES NOW TRYING TO GET OUT OF HIS OWN HEAD

3. A MASSIVE BURNING CLOUD OF ROCK AND ASH SHOOTS INTO THE

AIR


4. A PYROCLASTIC FLOW TUMBLES DOWN A CLIFF

5. TREES ARE BLOWN OVER LIKE BLADES OF GRASS IN THE WIND

6. A FILIPINO CITY CRUMBLES TO THE GROUND AS A PYROCLASTIC

FLOW BURNS EVERYTHING IN ITS PATH

7. A MILITARY BASE IS HIT BY A 50 FOOT WAVE OF MUD AND

DEBRIS, CRUSHING EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES

8. A BOBBLE HEAD ON THE DASH OF THE CAR MELTS AWAY

CUT TO BLACK


EXT. MOUNT SAINT HELENS - FRONT ENTRANCE - MORNING

A crowd of people are waiting by the gate yelling at the park
rangers and police officers

SUPER: May 1980 - One Month Later

RESIDENT 1
Let us back in! We have rights!

Rick’s FORD BRONCO exits the open gate right as a few
tourists run past the guards and chaos ensues.

Through the window, Rick sees the commotion as he drives
away.


INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - MULLINEAUX & ROCKY'S OFFICE - LATER

Mullineaux hands Rocky and INVOICE.

MULLINEAUX
We’re spending $2,000 a day plus an
additional $300 for the helicopter.
The well is drying up, Rocky. The
USGS is asking us to make the call.

Rocky lowers his head and takes a deep breath.

ROCKY
It doesn’t feel right. When did we
lose sight of what is important?

MULLINEAUX
What is important?


ROCKY
The science.

Mullineaux understands Rocky’s frustration.

MULLINEAUX
When we both took these positions,
that’s when it was lost.

Dan Miller enters the office and slaps down a WASHINGTON POST
NEWSPAPER on Mullineaux’s desk.

INSERT - WASHINGTON POST, which reads: “This apocalypse
refuses to cooperate.”

BACK TO OFFICE - Dan looks at Rocky and then Mullineaux.

DAN MILLER
How can the press release bullshit
like this!?

ROCKY
Close the door.

Dan shuts the door and looks concerned.

DAN MILLER
What the hell is going on?


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - CRATER - DAY

A COSPEC device is balancing on the edge of the crater. The
steady hand of David slowly adjusts it toward the smoldering
center of the crater. David steps away from it for a moment.

In David’s hand, S02 READINGS. He looks at it again. INSERT -
S02 DATA, which reads: “Mount St. Helens, March: 573, April:
425, May: 320”

BACK TO CRATER - David looks up at the ashy crater again.

DAVID JOHNSTON
(to himself)
Why are you degassing?

David pulls out another set of S02 readings.

INSERT - S02 DATA which reads: “Augustine, February: 759,
March: 428, April: 150”

DAVID JOHNSTON (CONT’D)
It’s just like Augustine.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary The scene opens in a school gymnasium where Rick proudly watches his daughter present her volcano project at a science fair. As he smiles, the cheerful atmosphere fades into a series of alarming volcanic eruption visuals, showcasing destruction in a Filipino city and a military base. A month later at Mount Saint Helens, tensions rise as Mullineaux discusses financial strains of monitoring the volcano with Rocky, who is concerned about losing scientific focus. Dan Miller expresses frustration over the media's portrayal of the situation. The scene concludes with David Johnston at the crater, analyzing sulfur dioxide levels and questioning the volcano's behavior, highlighting the conflict between scientific integrity and external pressures.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Effective conflict
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of character development in some areas

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up the imminent eruption, creating a sense of urgency and chaos. The conflict between characters adds depth and intrigue to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the mounting pressure and decisions surrounding a potential volcanic eruption, is engaging and well-developed. The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and urgency of the situation.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in setting up the conflict, tension, and impending eruption at Mount St. Helens. It moves the story forward significantly and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and original take on the disaster genre by blending personal drama with natural catastrophe. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined and their conflicting perspectives add depth to the narrative. The emotional impact of their decisions and interactions enhances the tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Some characters experience subtle changes in their perspectives and decisions as the scene progresses, reflecting the mounting pressure and urgency of the situation.

Internal Goal: 8

Rick's internal goal in this scene is to protect his daughter and ensure her safety amidst the volcanic eruption. This reflects his deeper need for security and his fear of losing his loved ones.

External Goal: 7

Rick's external goal is to navigate the chaos and danger of the volcanic eruption, potentially saving lives and making difficult decisions in the face of disaster.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with characters facing urgent decisions and conflicting perspectives on how to handle the potential eruption. The escalating tension adds to the sense of chaos and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with multiple obstacles and conflicts challenging the protagonist's goals. The uncertainty and chaos of the volcanic eruption create a sense of urgency and danger.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing the threat of a volcanic eruption and the potential consequences of their decisions. The urgency and danger of the situation add to the high stakes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up the imminent eruption at Mount St. Helens and raising the stakes for the characters. It introduces key conflicts and decisions that will impact the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift from a school science fair to a volcanic eruption, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between scientific duty and human compassion. Rocky struggles with the decision to prioritize scientific data over human lives, highlighting a clash between rationality and empathy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, conveying the characters' anxiety, frustration, and concern effectively. The impending disaster and high stakes heighten the emotional intensity of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, motivations, and conflicts. It adds to the tension and urgency of the scene, driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional depth, and dynamic character interactions. The impending disaster and personal conflicts keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, balancing moments of quiet reflection with intense action sequences. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and narrative progression.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the visual and emotional elements of the story. The use of visual inserts and descriptive language enhances the reader's experience.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, transitioning smoothly between different locations and character interactions. It maintains a cohesive narrative flow while building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the innocence of a school science fair with the catastrophic imagery of volcanic eruptions, creating a powerful emotional contrast. However, the transition between the two elements could be more fluid. The fade-out of sound as Rick watches his daughter could be enhanced by incorporating a more gradual auditory shift, perhaps starting with muffled sounds of the fair before transitioning to the rumbling of the volcano.
  • The series of shots depicting the volcanic destruction is visually striking but lacks a clear narrative connection to Rick's emotional state. While the imagery is impactful, it would benefit from a stronger thematic link to Rick's character arc. For instance, incorporating a brief moment where Rick reflects on his fears or memories related to the volcano could deepen the emotional resonance of the sequence.
  • The dialogue in the latter part of the scene, particularly in Mullineaux and Rocky's office, feels somewhat disconnected from the earlier emotional intensity. While it addresses important logistical concerns, it could be more tightly woven into the overarching narrative of urgency and impending disaster. Consider integrating more emotional stakes into their conversation to maintain the tension established in the first half of the scene.
  • The use of the newspaper headline is a clever device to convey public sentiment and media pressure, but it could be more impactful if it were introduced with a bit more context. Perhaps a brief discussion between Dan and Mullineaux about the implications of the article could enhance the stakes and provide a clearer picture of the external pressures they face.
  • The final moment with David adjusting the COSPEC device is visually compelling, but it lacks a sense of urgency that could heighten the tension. Adding a sense of time pressure or an external threat could amplify the stakes of his actions, making the audience more invested in the outcome.
Suggestions
  • Consider enhancing the auditory transition from the science fair to the volcanic imagery by gradually muting the fair sounds while introducing the rumble of the volcano, creating a more immersive experience.
  • Incorporate a brief moment of introspection for Rick during the science fair, allowing him to reflect on his fears or memories related to the volcano, which would create a stronger emotional connection to the destruction depicted.
  • Infuse the dialogue in Mullineaux and Rocky's office with more emotional stakes, perhaps by having them express personal fears or regrets about the situation, to maintain the tension established earlier in the scene.
  • Provide more context for the newspaper headline by including a brief discussion between Dan and Mullineaux about its implications, which would help to clarify the external pressures they are facing.
  • Add a sense of urgency to David's actions with the COSPEC device by introducing an external threat or time constraint, which would heighten the stakes and engage the audience more effectively.



Scene 36 -  Budget Cuts and Dismissals
INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - HALLWAY - LATER

Rick walks down the hallway peering into a few offices and
sees bankers boxes and things suspiciously packed away.


INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - DAN'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

Rick hands Dan Miller a SHEET OF PAPER with estimates on it.

DAN MILLER
What is this?

RICK HOBLITT
It’s my formal request.

Dan grabs the paper, skims over it quickly.

RICK HOBLITT (CONT’D)
It’s for the surveillance system.
If it’s approved nobody will be
needed at Coldwater II anymore.

Dan crumbles the paper into a ball and tosses it in the
trash.

DAN MILLER
The Survey was never going to spend
$40,000 on a video system. They
can’t even afford you anymore.

Rick is coming to the realization quickly.

DAN MILLER (CONT’D)
The Survey wants a skeleton crew.

RICK HOBLITT
They’re actually convinced St.
Helens is slowing down-

DAN MILLER
-Because she is. HVO is even seeing
slight deceleration on the bulge.
It’s deflating. Tilt stations show
no consistent activity as of late.
St. Helens’ vital signs are as well
monitored as a patient in an
emergency room, Rick. One day we’re
running for the hills and the next
we don’t hear a peep. This mountain
is giving everyone whiplash.

RICK HOBLITT
Who is going to remain?


DAN MILLER
David from UW, Don from HVO-

RICK HOBLITT
And you’re representing us --

DAN MILLER
Mullineaux has his daughter’s
graduation and Rocky is heading
back to Denver to work on his essay
on St. Helens -- with you.
(beat)
You got your wish, Rick. You’re
going home.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense scene at the Forest Service HQ, Rick Hoblitt approaches Dan Miller with a request for a surveillance system, only to be met with resistance. Dan reveals that due to budget constraints, the Survey is cutting costs and staff, leading to Rick's dismissal from the team as Mount St. Helens is deemed stable. The emotional weight of the situation is palpable as Rick realizes he will be sent home, symbolized by Dan crumpling and discarding his request.
Strengths
  • Effective character dynamics
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively conveys the tension and frustration between Rick and Dan, highlighting the shifting dynamics and the emotional impact of Rick's impending departure.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Rick being sidelined due to perceived reduced volcanic activity is compelling and adds depth to his character arc. It sets up potential conflicts and developments in the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as Rick's exclusion foreshadows potential future events and conflicts. It adds layers to the overall story and character dynamics.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of safety and monitoring in a natural disaster setting, with authentic character actions and dialogue that enhance the authenticity of the conflict.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Rick and Dan are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting perspectives and emotions. Their interactions drive the scene forward and reveal important aspects of their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

Rick undergoes a significant realization and emotional shift in this scene as he comes to terms with his changing role. This sets the stage for potential character growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Rick's internal goal is to prove his worth and value to the organization, as well as to secure his position at Coldwater II. This reflects his deeper need for validation and recognition.

External Goal: 7

Rick's external goal is to convince Dan Miller to approve the surveillance system for Coldwater II, showcasing his dedication to his work and the safety of the area.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Rick and Dan is palpable, with underlying tensions and frustrations driving the scene. The conflict sets the stage for future developments and character arcs.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Dan Miller presenting a significant obstacle to Rick's goals and creating uncertainty for the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high in this scene as Rick faces the prospect of being sidelined from the volcano monitoring, impacting his sense of purpose and identity. The consequences of this decision could have significant implications.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a key development in Rick's arc and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions. It adds depth to the overall narrative and paves the way for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the uncertain outcome for Rick's future at Coldwater II.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between cost-cutting measures and safety precautions. Dan Miller represents the practical approach of the organization, while Rick advocates for a more proactive and preventative strategy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of disappointment and resignation, particularly in Rick's character. The emotional impact resonates with the audience and sets up a compelling emotional arc.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the tension and emotional depth of the scene. It reveals the characters' motivations and sets up future conflicts.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, sharp dialogue, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and momentum, leading to a climactic confrontation between Rick and Dan.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and impending doom regarding the situation at Mount St. Helens. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional weight. The stakes are high, but the characters' reactions feel somewhat muted. Adding more personal stakes for Rick could enhance the tension and make the audience more invested in his fate.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat uneven. While the dialogue is informative, it lacks a sense of rhythm that could keep the audience engaged. Consider varying the sentence lengths and incorporating pauses or interruptions to create a more dynamic exchange between Rick and Dan.
  • The visual elements of the scene are underutilized. Describing the environment in more detail could help set the mood and reflect the characters' emotional states. For example, the packed offices could symbolize the chaos and uncertainty of their situation, and this could be emphasized through Rick's observations.
  • Dan's dismissal of Rick's request feels abrupt and could be more impactful if it were built up with more tension. Perhaps Rick could express his concerns more passionately before Dan shoots him down, which would heighten the emotional stakes and make the audience feel Rick's frustration and helplessness.
  • The dialogue, while informative, sometimes feels expository. Finding ways to weave in character backstory or personal stakes through the conversation could make it feel more organic. For instance, Rick could reference past experiences that inform his current concerns about the volcano, adding depth to his character.
Suggestions
  • Add more emotional depth to Rick's character by incorporating his personal stakes regarding the surveillance system and the potential consequences of the Survey's decisions.
  • Vary the pacing of the dialogue to create a more dynamic exchange. Consider adding interruptions or moments of silence to emphasize the weight of their conversation.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting to reflect the tension and urgency of the situation. Use the environment to symbolize the chaos and uncertainty surrounding the characters.
  • Build up the tension before Dan dismisses Rick's request. Allow Rick to express his concerns more passionately to make the moment feel more impactful.
  • Incorporate character backstory or personal stakes into the dialogue to make it feel more organic and less expository. This could help the audience connect with the characters on a deeper level.



Scene 37 -  Farewell at the Forest Service HQ
INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - KITCHEN - LATER

INSERT - TELEVISION, which shows: HARRY TRUMAN’S INTERVIEW

INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
(on TV)
What are you gonna do if it gets
really bad? I mean, if the danger
becomes really great?

HARRY TRUMAN
(on TV)
I’m gonna sit right here and pour
myself another Swindler’s and say,
“come and get me.”

BACK TO KITCHEN - Rick sees David approaching him holding S02
readings.

DAVID JOHNSTON
I think St. Helens is pressurizing-

RICK HOBLITT
-They’re sending me home, David.

David stops. He can’t believe it.

DAVID JOHNSTON
What?

RICK HOBLITT
Dan just told me. Rocky and
Mullineaux are dissolving the team.

DAVID JOHNSTON
This is bullshit! We shouldn’t be
turning out back on this!


Rick nods as David finally cools off and comes to terms with
it.

DAVID JOHNSTON (CONT’D)
I’m sorry, Rick.

RICK HOBLITT
Don’t be. It’s no mistake why
they’re keeping you here. The
Survey only wants the best.

David hands Rick the S02 READINGS.

DAVID JOHNSTON
Take these.


INT. STATION WAGON - DAY

David turns the wheel down a dirt road and spots another
vehicle parked on the side.

A photographer, who will be known as REID BLACKBURN (holding
a CAMERA on a tripod) hears David’s STATION WAGON pull up.


DAVID JOHNSTON
Are you with the press?

REID BLACKBURN
National Geographic.

DAVID JOHNSTON
No shit -- Good luck up there.

REID BLACKBURN
You too.

Reid Blackburn watches David drive up the mountain.


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - NORTH RIDGE HILLSIDE - EVENING

Harry Glicken is sitting on a stump jotting down notes in his
NOTEBOOK when he hears David’s STATION WAGON drive up and
park. David exits.

HARRY GLICKEN
Where’s Rick?

DAVID JOHNSTON
He’s going home.
(beat)
They’re sending you home too.


Harry’s head drops down.

DAVID JOHNSTON (CONT’D)
Rocky and Mullineaux also informed
me that there wouldn’t be an open
spot for you once you graduated.
(beat)
I’m sorry, Harry.

The bad news keeps on coming for Harry.

HARRY GLICKEN
It’s okay. I’ll find my way. I
always do.

Harry extends his hand to shake David’s. David grabs his hand
and shakes it but to Harry’s surprise gives him a hug as
well.

HARRY GLICKEN (CONT’D)
Take care, David.

Silhouetted against the backdrop of Mount St. Helens and the
setting sun, Harry slowly walks toward his car and drives
away.

FADE OUT.
Genres: ["Drama","Adventure"]

Summary In the Forest Service HQ kitchen, Rick learns from David that he is being sent home as the team is dissolved. Initially shocked, Rick accepts the news with resignation. David then meets Reid Blackburn from National Geographic before heading to Mount St. Helens, where he informs Harry Glicken of his own dismissal. Despite the disappointing news, Harry remains optimistic, and they share a farewell hug before he drives away, silhouetted against the sunset.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Poignant dialogue
  • Effective portrayal of sacrifice and determination
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the characters' departure from Mount St. Helens, creating a sense of tension and determination. The dialogue and character interactions are poignant, drawing the audience into the personal struggles of the scientists.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of bidding farewell to Mount St. Helens and the sacrifices made for scientific research is compelling. The scene effectively explores the emotional and personal aspects of the characters' decisions.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters' departure from Mount St. Helens, highlighting the emotional struggles and sacrifices they face. The scene moves the story forward by showing the consequences of the characters' decisions.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh situations and authentic character reactions, making it stand out in its genre.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their emotional arcs are compelling. The interactions between Rick, David, and Harry showcase their determination, sadness, and resilience in the face of adversity.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes in the scene, particularly in their acceptance of the difficult decisions they must make. The farewell to Mount St. Helens marks a significant moment of growth and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with the decision to send him home and find closure with his colleagues. This reflects his need for acceptance and understanding in a challenging situation.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to deal with the news of being sent home and say goodbye to his colleagues. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his work environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, as the characters grapple with their personal decisions and the sacrifices they must make. The tension comes from their resignation to leave the volcano.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult decisions and conflicting emotions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters face the imminent danger of Mount St. Helens and must make difficult decisions about their future. The emotional and personal stakes add depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showing the consequences of the characters' decisions to leave Mount St. Helens. It sets the stage for future developments and highlights the personal sacrifices made for scientific research.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected news and emotional reactions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between loyalty to colleagues and the organization's decisions. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about teamwork and dedication.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, determination, and empathy for the characters. The audience is drawn into the personal struggles of the scientists facing the dangers of the volcano.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts of the characters. The conversations between Rick and David reveal their inner turmoil and the difficult decisions they must make.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters and the tension in their interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by building tension and emotional depth in the character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, making it easy to follow and engaging for the reader.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and character interactions, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of job loss and the impending danger of the volcano, but it could benefit from deeper character development. Rick's resignation feels somewhat abrupt; adding a moment of reflection or a flashback could enhance the emotional impact of his departure.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks a certain depth that could elevate the stakes. For instance, Rick's line about the Survey wanting the best could be expanded to reflect his feelings about being replaced, which would add layers to his character and the situation.
  • The transition from the kitchen to the outdoor scenes feels a bit disjointed. A smoother transition could help maintain the emotional flow. Perhaps a line from David about the urgency of the situation could bridge the two settings more effectively.
  • The use of the television interview with Harry Truman is a clever device, but it could be more integrated into the scene. Instead of just being a backdrop, it could serve as a thematic parallel to Rick's situation, emphasizing the idea of facing danger head-on.
  • The ending, while visually striking with the silhouette of Harry against the sunset, could be more impactful if it included a final line or thought from David that encapsulates the gravity of the situation. This would leave the audience with a stronger emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Rick reflects on his time with the team or shares a memory with David before leaving, which would deepen the emotional stakes.
  • Enhance the dialogue to include more personal stakes for Rick, perhaps by expressing his fears about the future or his disappointment in the decision.
  • Create a more seamless transition between the kitchen and the outdoor scenes by incorporating a line that connects the urgency of the volcano's threat to Rick's departure.
  • Utilize the television interview more effectively by having characters react to it in real-time, drawing parallels between Harry's defiance and Rick's resignation.
  • Add a closing line from David that encapsulates the emotional weight of the moment, reinforcing the themes of loss and uncertainty.



Scene 38 -  The Eruption's Embrace
EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - NORTH RIDGE HILLSIDE - MORNING

Two stumbling pairs of feet try sliding into untied
boots.Mount St. Helens is very clear and David looks up at
it.

SUPER: Mount St. Helens - May 18, 1980 - 8:30AM

The RADIO is sitting on the ground.

DON SWANSON (O.S.)
(on the radio)
How are things up there? Vancouver,
over.

David’s hand reaches for the RADIO.

DAVID JOHNSTON
(to the radio)
Oh, it’s very nice, over. You can
see the mountain clearly.

DON SWANSON (O.S.)
(on the radio)
Very good, over.
(MORE)
DON SWANSON (O.S.) (CONT'D)
I’ll be out there this afternoon to
relieve you, Vancouver out.

David takes a seat on his bench and begins to write in his
notebook. The GROUND BEGINS TO SHAKE BENEATH HIS FEET.

DAVID JOHNSTON
Whoa -- that’s a good one.

David continues to write. ANOTHER JOLT. David tumbles off the
bench.

DAVID JOHNSTON (CONT’D)
Okay -- you have my attention --

David picks himself up, looking toward the mountain -- His
eyes grow wide as he witnesses the ENTIRE NORTH SIDE OF THE
MOUNTAIN BEGIN TO SEPARATE AND SLIDE DOWN. From David’s point
of view, it’s an unbelievably massive amount of land being
moved. It’s almost inconceivable in size. THE GROUND SHAKES
EVEN HARDER KNOCKING DAVID DOWN.


INT. SPIRIT LAKE LODGE - SAME TIME

The whiskey ripples in Harry Truman’s glass and he braces
himself from the massive earthquake.

ALL GOES BLACK outside his windows as they shatter.


EXT. SPIRIT LAKE LODGE - SAME TIME

200 FEET OF MOUNTAIN CRUSHES SPIRIT LAKE IN A FLASH. An 820
FOOT TSUNAMI SHOOTS STRAIGHT INTO THE SKY FROM SPIRIT LAKE as
all the water is displaced in seconds. IT CRASHES DOWN ON THE
SURROUNDING HILLS.

ENTIRE FORESTS ARE FLATTENED BY IT.


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - NORTH RIDGE HILLSIDE - SAME TIME

David’s hand is pressed against the soil and the dirt
trembles between his fingers. He reaches for the RADIO,
stands, and looks out at Mount St. Helens.

DAVID JOHNSTON
(to the radio)
Vancouver, Vancouver. This is it!

There is no response.


DAVID JOHNSTON (CONT’D)
(to the radio)
Vancouver! This is Johnston, over!

Everything goes silent. Everything moves in slow motion.

SERIES OF SHOTS:

1. SUDDENLY A MASSIVE DIRECT BLAST OF BLACK ASH AND ROCK
SHOOTS FROM THE NORTH SIDE OF MOUNT ST. HELENS

2. DAVID JOHNSTON’S HAIR IS BLOWN BACKWARDS, HE SQUINTS

3. BOULDERS THE SIZE OF HOUSES, TREES, ENTIRE FORESTS EVEN,
ARE HOISTED UP LIKE A DARK TIDAL WAVE OF DEBRIS AND FIRE AND
ITS HEADING STRAIGHT FOR COLDWATER II AND DAVID

4. SUDDENLY A SECOND MASSIVE EXPLOSION OF THICK BLACK ASH
SHOOTS OUT LATERALLY TOWARD DAVID

5. DAVID DOESN’T MOVE -- HE’S FROZEN -- HE KNOWS HE’S STARING
DOWN THE BARREL OF A GUN

6. THE GROUND A FEW MILES CLOSER IS RIPPED FROM THE EARTH TO
THE BEDROCK BELOW -- IT’S INCOMPREHENSIBLE IN SCALE

7. FORESTS AND CHUNKS OF MOUNTAIN THE SIZE OF SPORTS
STADIUMS, DISMEMBERING IN MIDAIR, TURNING EVERYTHING INTO
OILY BLACK CHURNING CLOUDS OF 300 DEGREES

8. SEVENTY-EIGHT SECONDS AFTER THE EARTHQUAKE BEGAN, THE
HURRICANE OF STONE, ICE, WOOD, AND FIRE REACHES COLDWATER II

9. DAVID’S EYES SLOWLY CLOSE

10. HE KNOWS IN A SPLIT SECOND OF SOUNDLESS DARKNESS HE WILL
BE CONSUMED
Genres: ["Drama","Disaster"]

Summary On the morning of May 18, 1980, David Johnston is at Mount St. Helens, reporting clear weather to Don Swanson via radio. Suddenly, the ground shakes violently, and he witnesses a massive landslide on the mountain's north side. At Spirit Lake Lodge, Harry Truman feels the earthquake as windows shatter. A devastating tsunami crashes into Spirit Lake, flattening the surrounding forests. Realizing the eruption's severity, David attempts to contact Vancouver but receives no response. As ash and debris surge towards him, he understands he is about to be engulfed by the eruption, ending in a moment of soundless darkness.
Strengths
  • Intense and gripping portrayal of a catastrophic event
  • Effective use of visuals and descriptions to create suspense and tension
  • High emotional impact on the audience
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development in the scene
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.5

The scene is incredibly intense and gripping, effectively conveying the terror and chaos of a volcanic eruption. The visuals and descriptions create a sense of impending doom and help build suspense.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of depicting a catastrophic volcanic eruption is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the destructive power of nature and the vulnerability of the characters.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the eruption of Mount St. Helens, which is a significant and impactful event in the story. It moves the narrative forward and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to depicting a natural disaster, focusing on the personal experience of a scientist caught in the midst of the eruption. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

While the focus is more on the event of the eruption than on individual character development, the reactions of David Johnston and Harry Truman add depth to the scene. Their fear and desperation humanize the disaster.

Character Changes: 8

While there is not significant character development in this specific scene, the experience of facing the catastrophic eruption likely leaves a lasting impact on the characters, particularly David Johnston and Harry Truman.

Internal Goal: 8

David's internal goal in this scene is to document and report on the volcanic activity of Mount St. Helens. This reflects his dedication to his work and his passion for studying natural phenomena.

External Goal: 9

David's external goal is to warn others about the impending eruption and ensure their safety. This goal reflects the immediate danger and urgency of the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, as the characters face the imminent danger of the volcanic eruption. The struggle for survival and the overwhelming force of nature create a sense of urgency and desperation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing overwhelming natural forces that threaten his life. The audience is kept in suspense about the outcome, adding to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, as the characters are faced with the immediate threat of a catastrophic volcanic eruption. The danger and potential consequences create a sense of urgency and tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major turning point with the eruption of Mount St. Helens. It raises the stakes and sets the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and catastrophic events that unfold, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between man and nature, highlighting the power and unpredictability of natural disasters. This challenges David's beliefs about his ability to control or predict such events.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, shock, and desperation in the audience. The intense visuals and descriptions of the eruption create a sense of dread and empathy for the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the urgency and fear of the characters facing the eruption. It effectively adds to the tension and atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and suspenseful atmosphere, drawing the audience into the immediate danger and chaos of the eruption.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, capturing the escalating danger and urgency of the eruption. The rhythm of the scene enhances its impact and emotional resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and suspense as the eruption unfolds. It effectively conveys the escalating danger and urgency of the situation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of sensory details, such as the shaking ground and the visual imagery of the mountain. However, the pacing could be improved by balancing the dialogue and action. The initial radio exchange is engaging, but it could be shortened to maintain momentum as the earthquake begins.
  • The transition from David's calm observation to the chaos of the eruption is well-executed, but the emotional stakes could be heightened. Adding a moment of internal conflict or a flashback could deepen David's character and make the audience more invested in his fate.
  • The use of visual imagery in the series of shots is powerful, but it may benefit from more varied sentence structures to enhance the rhythm. For example, mixing shorter, punchier sentences with longer, descriptive ones can create a more dynamic reading experience.
  • The dialogue from David during the radio communication feels somewhat detached. To enhance the emotional impact, consider incorporating more urgency or fear in his voice as he realizes the gravity of the situation. This would help the audience connect with his character in this critical moment.
  • The final moments of the scene, where David is frozen in fear, are compelling but could be expanded. A brief internal monologue or a flash of memories could provide insight into his thoughts as he faces imminent danger, making the moment more poignant.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the radio dialogue to create a quicker transition into the action, allowing the earthquake to interrupt the conversation more abruptly.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection or a personal thought from David before the eruption begins to give the audience a deeper understanding of his character and what he stands to lose.
  • Vary the sentence structure in the series of shots to create a more engaging rhythm, mixing short, impactful sentences with longer, descriptive ones.
  • Infuse more urgency into David's dialogue during the radio communication to convey his rising panic as the situation escalates.
  • Expand on David's emotional state in the final moments of the scene, possibly through an internal monologue or flashback, to enhance the emotional weight of his impending doom.



Scene 39 -  Final Moments on the Ridge
EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - NORTH RIDGE - SAME TIME

A RADIO is in a hand and is pulled up to Reid Blackburn. He
sees David standing on a hillside right as Coldwater II and
David is sandblasted from existence. He knows David is dead.

REID BLACKBURN
(to the radio)
Gentlemen, the, uh -- camper and
car sitting over to the south of me
-- it’s covered.

A PYROCLASTIC FLOW SURGES toward Reid Blackburn like fumes
flowing out of a beaker. It moves at a fantastic rate,
impossible speeds. It THROWS ROCKS AND BOULDERS ahead of it.


Grabbing his CAMERA and RADIO, Reid slides into his car.


INT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - NORTH RIDGE - CAR - CONTINUOUS

The PYROCLASTIC FLOW is seen through the windshield now as
Reid holds up the RADIO as he hunkers down.

REID BLACKBURN
(to the radio)
It’s gonna get me too -- I can’t
get out of here -- I’m not gonna
make it --

He closes his eyes as the PYROCLASTIC FLOW reaches his car.
Everything is dark now as ash and rock pelt the exterior.


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - NORTH RIDGE - CAR - CONTINUOUS

SERIES OF SHOTS:

1. ALL FOUR TIRES MELT

2. THE CAR DROPS DOWN ONTO ITS FRAME

3. WINDOWS SHATTER


INT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - NORTH RIDGE - CAR - CONTINUOUS

SERIES OF SHOTS:

4. BURNING ASH FLOWS INTO THE SHATTERED WINDOWS

5. THE BOBBLE HEAD ON THE DASH MELTS AWAY

CUT TO BLACK.


INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - MONITORING ROOM - MORNING

Don Swanson walks into the room sipping his coffee. He passes
a SEISMOGRAPH DRUM and sees the PEN SLASHING on all sides
rapidly.

He drops his coffee mug on the floor and it shatters.


INT. HARRY GLICKEN’S CAR - SAME TIME

The left side mirror shows Mount St. Helens erupting as Harry
slams on his brakes, swerves into the other side of the road,
and makes a dangerous u-turn.


EXT. CAMPSITE - SAME TIME

SERIES OF SHOTS:

1. A GROUP OF CAMPERS ARE RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES

2. TREES BEGIN TO RAIN DOWN ON THEM

3. THEY ARE CRUSHED IN SECONDS

4. A BLACK CLOUD OF ASH OVERWHELMS THE ENTIRE AREA


EXT. FOREST - SAME TIME

5. THREE TIMBER WORKERS ARE WALKING DOWN A PATH HOLDING

CHAINSAWS

6. A FOURTH TIMBER WORKER COMES RUNNING BY

7. ALL FOUR ARE CONSUMED IN THE PYROCLASTIC FLOW

8. SKIN IS BURNED -- HAIR IS SINGED OFF

9. TREES TURN TO CHARCOAL

10. A CHAINSAW DROPS TO THE GROUND

11. FOUR BODIES LIE SMOLDERING IN THE FLATTENED FOREST
Genres: ["Disaster","Drama"]

Summary Reid Blackburn witnesses the tragic death of David as a pyroclastic flow engulfs him. Realizing his own peril, Reid reports his situation over the radio while hunkering down in his car. As the flow rapidly approaches, his vehicle is overwhelmed, leading to its destruction and Reid's suffocation. The eruption causes chaos, claiming the lives of campers and timber workers, and devastating the forest. The scene captures the tense and foreboding atmosphere of impending doom, ending with a cut to black after the destruction.
Strengths
  • Intense visuals
  • Realistic portrayal of disaster
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Minimal character development
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, effectively conveying the high stakes and emotional turmoil of a volcanic eruption. The tension and urgency are palpable, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of depicting a volcanic eruption in such a dramatic and realistic manner is powerful. The scene effectively conveys the destructive force of nature and the impact it has on the characters and their surroundings.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the eruption of Mount St. Helens, driving the narrative forward with high stakes and intense conflict. The events unfold rapidly, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a volcanic eruption and the protagonist's struggle for survival. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the realism and tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

While the focus is more on the event of the eruption than individual character development, the reactions and actions of the characters in the face of disaster add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character development in the scene, the characters' reactions to the eruption reveal their resilience, fear, and determination in the face of disaster.

Internal Goal: 9

Reid Blackburn's internal goal in this scene is survival and the desire to document the eruption despite the imminent danger. This reflects his bravery, dedication to his work as a photographer, and his instinct to capture the truth.

External Goal: 8

Reid Blackburn's external goal is to escape the pyroclastic flow and survive the eruption. This goal reflects the immediate life-threatening circumstances he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, as the characters are faced with a life-threatening situation and must make split-second decisions to survive. The clash between man and nature adds to the tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing overwhelming odds and a life-threatening situation. The audience is kept on edge as they wonder if Reid will survive the eruption.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, as the characters are in mortal danger from the volcanic eruption. The survival of the characters and the impact of the disaster on the surrounding area hang in the balance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward dramatically, setting the stage for the aftermath of the eruption and the characters' responses to the disaster. It marks a crucial turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden and unexpected nature of the eruption, the protagonist's uncertain fate, and the rapid escalation of danger and destruction.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between human curiosity and the destructive power of nature. Reid's desire to document the eruption conflicts with the overwhelming force of the pyroclastic flow, highlighting the insignificance of human actions in the face of natural disasters.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, shock, and desperation in the audience as they witness the devastation caused by the eruption. The tragic events unfold with raw intensity, leaving a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying the urgency and fear of the characters facing the eruption. The exchanges are realistic and serve to enhance the tension of the moment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and emotional depth. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's struggle for survival and the chaotic events surrounding the eruption.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of destruction and chaos. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional impact and urgency of the events unfolding.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, effectively conveying the fast-paced action and emotional intensity of the events unfolding. It follows the expected format for a dramatic and visually impactful scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of destruction and chaos. The formatting follows the expected format for a high-stakes action sequence.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaos and horror of a volcanic eruption, particularly through Reid Blackburn's perspective. The use of visceral imagery, such as the pyroclastic flow and its destructive power, creates a strong sense of urgency and danger.
  • The transition from David's impending doom to Reid's realization of the situation is impactful, but it could benefit from a clearer emotional connection. While Reid's fear is palpable, exploring his relationship with David could heighten the emotional stakes and make the audience feel more invested in his fate.
  • The series of shots depicting the destruction of Reid's car and the campers is visually striking, but the pacing feels rushed. Slowing down the sequence to allow for more detailed descriptions or reactions could enhance the tension and give the audience a moment to absorb the horror of the situation.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in conveying the urgency of the moment. However, adding a brief internal monologue or a flashback could provide insight into Reid's character, making his predicament more relatable and tragic.
  • The abrupt cut to black after the car is consumed by the pyroclastic flow is effective, but it might leave the audience wanting more closure. Consider extending the scene slightly to show the immediate aftermath or the reactions of other characters to the eruption, which could provide a more comprehensive view of the disaster's impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or memory of Reid and David's past interactions to deepen the emotional impact of David's death on Reid.
  • Slow down the pacing of the destruction sequence to allow the audience to fully grasp the horror of the situation. This could involve lingering on specific details or reactions from Reid as he faces the impending doom.
  • Incorporate a moment of internal reflection for Reid as he realizes the gravity of the situation, which could help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Explore the reactions of other characters to the eruption in the aftermath of Reid's experience, which could provide a broader context for the disaster and its consequences.
  • Consider using sound design or visual effects to enhance the chaos of the eruption, making the audience feel the intensity of the moment even more vividly.



Scene 40 -  Descent into Despair
EXT. CREEK - SAME TIME

12. A TENT IS NEAR A RIVER

13. A MASSIVE WALL OF WATER, MUD, BOULDERS

14. THERE ARE SCREAMS


EXT. DAM - SAME TIME

15. THE LAHAR MOVES TOWARD A DAM

16. IT DISINTEGRATES THE DAM IN SECONDS

17. IT SURGES DOWN THE RIVERS AND VALLEYS DESTROYING FORESTS,
BRIDGES, CARS -- EVERYTHING


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - PARKING LOT - LATER

A helicopter is primed to take off. Don Swanson sprints
toward it but he’s intercepted by Harry Glicken to his
surprise but neither need to say a word.

They board the helicopter and it takes off immediately.

INT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - HELICOPTER - MOMENTS LATER

A massive Plinian eruption column is rising from the now
broken Mount St. Helens. The north flank of the mountain is
missing having collapsed and blasted away. The new Spirit
Lake two hundred feet above the old lake and its surface
thick with trees stripped of bark and branches is seen in the
hazy distance.

Harry looks around frantically at the landscape.

Don Swanson continues to look at the devastation from the
other side. He can’t find it either. He can’t find anything.

HARRY GLICKEN
Where is it? Where is Coldwater II?

They spot a car just below their position.

HARRY GLICKEN (CONT’D)
We gotta set it down!

IN THE COCKPIT - The old veteran pilot slowly pulls the pitch
controls and lowers.


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - FOREST - CONTINUOUS

Two PARAMEDICS appear out of the mist and pull two bodies out
of the window of the car but the bodies are charred and
neither look like David.


INT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - HELICOPTER - CONTINUOUS

Don turns back to face Harry.

OLD VETERAN PILOT (O.S.)
We’re kicking up too much debris! I
gotta pull up!

HARRY GLICKEN
We gotta find David!

Harry is pissed.


OLD VETERAN PILOT (O.S.)
It’s too dangerous!

DON SWANSON
He’s right, Harry.

HARRY GLICKEN
What the hell are you talking
about!?

DON SWANSON
It’s gone! It’s not there anymore!
(beat)
He’s gone. There’s no way he
survived.

Harry closes his eyes as tears drip down his cheek.

DON SWANSON (CONT’D)
David is gone -- He’s dead. I’m so
sorry.

He looks over at Harry who is inconsolable at the moment.
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Adventure"]

Summary In a devastating scene at Mount St. Helens, a massive lahar obliterates a dam, leading to widespread destruction. Don Swanson and Harry Glicken search for Harry's missing friend, David, from a helicopter. As they survey the wreckage, including charred bodies pulled from a car, Harry's desperation grows, while Don tries to confront the harsh reality of David's likely death. The emotional turmoil escalates as Harry struggles to accept the loss, culminating in tears as he grapples with the possibility that David is gone, leaving Don filled with sorrow.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic character reactions
  • Impactful portrayal of devastation
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, evoking strong emotions and effectively conveying the sense of loss and despair following the eruption. The tragic events and the characters' reactions are portrayed with depth and authenticity.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of portraying the aftermath of a catastrophic volcanic eruption and the emotional turmoil experienced by the characters is compelling and effectively realized in the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene focuses on the immediate aftermath of the eruption and the characters' reactions to the devastating events, effectively conveying the sense of loss and despair.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the disaster genre by focusing on the personal and emotional consequences of a natural disaster. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters' emotional responses and interactions in the scene are authentic and impactful, adding depth and complexity to the narrative. The portrayal of grief and shock is particularly well-executed.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, moving from shock and disbelief to profound grief and acceptance of the tragic events. The impact of the eruption leads to a transformation in their emotional states.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the loss of a loved one and find closure. This reflects his deeper need for acceptance and emotional healing.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to locate a missing person in the aftermath of the natural disaster. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the urgency of the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with the shock and grief of the devastating eruption. The emotional turmoil and sense of loss create a compelling conflict within the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with internal and external conflicts that challenge the protagonist's beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, as the characters grapple with the loss of their colleague and the devastating impact of the eruption on their lives. The emotional and physical stakes are heightened by the tragic events.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by depicting the immediate aftermath of the eruption and setting the stage for the characters' emotional journeys in the aftermath of the devastating events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional twists and turns, as well as the uncertain outcome of the search for the missing person.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around acceptance of loss and the harsh reality of death. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about hope and survival in the face of tragedy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.8

The scene has a profound emotional impact on the audience, evoking strong feelings of sadness, shock, and grief through the portrayal of the characters' reactions to the devastating events.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but poignant, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and reactions to the tragic events. The sparse dialogue enhances the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional conflict, and fast-paced action that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a balance of action and emotional beats that drive the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a disaster genre, with a buildup of tension, emotional climax, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys the chaos and devastation caused by the lahar, creating a visceral sense of urgency and danger. The use of visual imagery, such as the disintegration of the dam and the massive wall of water, is impactful and helps to establish the catastrophic nature of the event.
  • The emotional weight of the scene is heightened by the characters' desperation to find David. However, the dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect their emotional states. Harry's anger and grief are palpable, but the dialogue feels somewhat on-the-nose. Subtlety in their exchanges could enhance the emotional depth.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could benefit from a more gradual build-up to the helicopter's arrival. The transition from the chaos of the lahar to the helicopter scene feels abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue showing the aftermath before the helicopter takes off could create a smoother transition.
  • The introduction of the old veteran pilot adds a layer of tension, but his character could be fleshed out more. A line or two that hints at his experience or emotional state could provide depth and contrast to the urgency of Harry's and Don's mission.
  • The scene ends on a powerful note with Harry's inconsolable grief, but it could be enhanced by showing a physical reaction to the loss, such as Harry's body language or a moment of silence before he breaks down. This would allow the audience to feel the weight of the loss more profoundly.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a brief visual of the destruction before transitioning to the helicopter scene to create a smoother narrative flow.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Harry and Don to reflect their emotional states more subtly. Instead of stating that David is gone, perhaps have Don express his feelings through a metaphor or a personal memory of David.
  • Introduce the old veteran pilot with a line that hints at his experience or emotional state, which could add depth to his character and the situation.
  • Incorporate more physical reactions from Harry to emphasize his grief, such as shaking hands or a moment of hesitation before he speaks, to make his emotional state more relatable.
  • Consider using sound design to enhance the scene, such as the roar of the lahar or the whirring of the helicopter blades, to immerse the audience further in the chaos and urgency of the moment.



Scene 41 -  Facing the Ashes
INT. UW - SEISMIC MONITORING ROOM - MORNING

A PHONE RINGS and Malone rushes to it and answers. Malone’s
expression turns into sadness within seconds.


INT. FOREST SERVICE HQ - DAN’S OFFICE - SAME TIME

Dan sets the PHONE DOWN on his desk. He takes a breath and
exhales. He picks it up again and dials another number.


INT. RICK’S HOUSE - NURSERY - SAME TIME

His NEWBORN DAUGHTER smiles at Rick while she is rocked in
his arms.

Marian walks up to the door from the hallway holding the
PHONE and Rick sees her. Marian takes their daughter and
continues to rock her to sleep as Rick exits with the PHONE.

INT. RICK'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Rick places the phone slowly against his ear. He speaks but
there is no sound.

With his back against the hallway wall, he drops down to the
floor in defeat. Tears well up in his eyes.


Rick finally looks up and sees Marian’s hand reaching for
him.

He grabs her hand and Marian pulls him back up to his feet.
She wraps her arms around him in a warm embrace.


EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - MORNING

SUPER: Two Weeks Later

The sun is slightly blotted out by the thick ash.

Rick is digging up Rock and Ash with his shovel. He looks
over and sees Harry, also digging next to him. Rick takes a
short break.

He turns and sees MAURICE and KATIA KRAFT, (the famous French
volcanologist from the video,) approach them. They wave to
Rick.

Rick shakes their hands and introduces Harry Glicken to them.
Harry shakes their hands. Rick smiles for once, having
hopefully helped Harry land a career with the two French
volcanologists.

Rick now focuses on the now collapses Mount St. Helens and
looks at the misty, fractured corner where the eruption and
eventual avalanche washed over the land.

FADE TO:


INT. RICK'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING

A cup of coffee is placed on a table in front of Rick as
Marian sits across from him.

SUPER: 1991

Rick looks down at an OLD NEWSPAPER.

INSERT - NEWSPAPER, which reads: THE SEATTLE TIMES - “MOUNT
ST. HELEN’S DEATH TOLL REACHES 57”

BACK TO KITCHEN - Rick looks over at Marian now.

RICK HOBLITT
Only two people were killed inside
the hazard zone.

Marian stays quiet.


RICK HOBLITT (CONT’D)
Maybe that’s why I have to go.

She looks up, clearing not wanting to hear that.

MARIAN
Maybe I don’t want you to be
another casualty on a hillside.
(starting to cry)
Maybe I don’t want our daughter to
grow up without a father.

Marian wipes a few tears from her eyes.

MARIAN (CONT’D)
(crying)
She doesn’t want you to go -- I --
I don’t know what we would do
without you...

Rick stands up and walks over to Marian. He wraps his arms
around her and holds her tight. He doesn’t say a word.

INT. RICK'S HOUSE - HALLWAY - LATER

Rick’s daughter (age 10) has tears in her eyes. She looks
down at the PAPER she’s holding and it has the COORDINATES.

RICK HOBLITT
You’ll know exactly where I am.

Rick’s daughter is sobbing now.

Tears well up in Rick’s eyes but he just wipes them away.


INT. USGS HEADQUARTERS - DAN’S OFFICE - MORNING

Spread all around Dan’s desk are various NEWSPAPERS and
ARTICLES.

INSERT - ARTICLE, which reads: “Volcanologists cry wolf,
wrongly predict cataclysmic eruption...”

INSERT - NEWSPAPER, which reads: “Millions of dollars lost,
economic recovery to take years... ”

INSERT - NEWSPAPER, which reads: “Dan Miller received death
threats... Bomb threats... ”

BACK TO OFFICE - Dan slowly looks up from his desk. He takes
a deep breath.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene opens with Malone receiving a sorrowful phone call, while Dan at Forest Service HQ grapples with troubling news. At Rick's house, he crumbles under the weight of despair after a call, but Marian comforts him. Two weeks later at Mount St. Helens, Rick and Harry meet renowned volcanologists Maurice and Katia Kraft, sparking a glimmer of hope for the future. Back in 1991, Rick discusses the eruption's death toll with Marian, who fears for his safety. Their daughter, distressed, holds a paper with coordinates as Rick reassures her. The scene concludes with Dan surrounded by negative press about volcanic predictions, highlighting the ongoing emotional and professional turmoil.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Poignant themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional impact of the aftermath of the eruption, showcasing the characters' struggles and the weight of their decisions. The mix of sadness, hope, and desperation creates a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the emotional aftermath of a natural disaster is poignant and resonant. The scene delves into the human side of tragedy, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and emotional journeys.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the characters coming to terms with the aftermath of the Mount St. Helens eruption, dealing with loss, and making difficult decisions. The emotional depth of the plot drives the scene forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the aftermath of a natural disaster, focusing on the personal and emotional consequences for the characters involved. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-developed, each grappling with their own emotions and struggles in the aftermath of the eruption. Their interactions and reactions add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes and growth as they grapple with the aftermath of the eruption. Their experiences shape their perspectives and decisions, leading to personal development and introspection.

Internal Goal: 8

Rick's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the danger of his job and the impact it has on his family. It reflects his deeper need for validation and his fear of leaving his loved ones behind.

External Goal: 7

Rick's external goal is to continue his work as a volcanologist despite the risks and challenges he faces. It reflects the immediate circumstances of the volcanic eruption and the need for scientific research.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional conflict and internal struggles within the characters, the scene is more focused on the aftermath of the eruption and the characters' personal journeys. The conflict is more subtle and emotional.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with internal and external conflicts challenging the protagonist's decisions and beliefs. The audience is kept on edge by the uncertainty of the characters' fates.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of emotional impact and personal loss for the characters. The aftermath of the eruption has significant consequences for their lives and relationships, adding weight to their decisions and actions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by exploring the emotional aftermath of the eruption and the characters' personal journeys. While the focus is more on character development, the scene contributes to the overall narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the emotional twists and turns in the characters' interactions, as well as the uncertain outcome of Rick's decision to continue his work despite the risks.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the balance between personal sacrifice for the greater good and the desire for safety and security. It challenges Rick's beliefs about his duty as a scientist and his responsibilities as a husband and father.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, hope, and desperation in the audience. The characters' struggles and the weight of their decisions resonate deeply, creating a poignant and moving narrative.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and inner turmoil. The conversations between the characters reveal their vulnerabilities and the weight of their decisions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the high stakes of the situation, and the intimate moments of connection between them. The audience is drawn into the personal drama and the larger narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, with moments of quiet reflection balanced by intense emotional outbursts. It contributes to the scene's overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with distinct locations and character actions clearly delineated. It follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows a clear progression from emotional moments to external challenges, building tension and conflict effectively. It adheres to the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The emotional weight of the scene is palpable, particularly in the interactions between Rick and Marian. The dialogue effectively conveys the tension between Rick's professional obligations and his family's fears, which adds depth to his character. However, the scene could benefit from more specificity in the dialogue to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, instead of general statements about not wanting Rick to be a casualty, Marian could reference specific fears or memories that make her plea more poignant.
  • The transition from the nursery to the digging scene is somewhat abrupt. While the time jump is indicated by the superimposed text, the emotional continuity could be strengthened by a brief moment that connects Rick's personal loss to the larger context of the volcanic disaster. Perhaps a visual cue or a line of dialogue reflecting on the impact of the eruption on families could bridge this gap.
  • The use of the newspaper articles in Dan's office effectively illustrates the external pressures and consequences faced by the characters, but the scene could benefit from a more explicit connection to Rick's personal journey. For example, a line where Dan reflects on how the public perception affects their work could tie back to Rick's internal conflict about returning to the field.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, particularly in the transition from Rick's emotional moment with Marian to the more factual tone of Dan's office. This shift could be jarring for the audience. A smoother transition could be achieved by incorporating a brief moment of reflection from Rick after his conversation with Marian before cutting to Dan's office.
  • The visual elements, such as the ash-covered landscape and the newspaper articles, are strong, but they could be enhanced by more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the environment or the physical sensations Rick experiences while digging could immerse the audience further into the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more specific dialogue that reflects Marian's personal fears and memories related to Rick's work, making her emotional plea more impactful.
  • Introduce a brief moment of reflection for Rick after his conversation with Marian to create a smoother transition to the next scene, enhancing emotional continuity.
  • Incorporate a line of dialogue from Dan that connects the public perception of their work to Rick's internal conflict, reinforcing the stakes of the situation.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene, such as the sounds and physical sensations, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore the possibility of including a visual or auditory cue that links Rick's personal loss to the broader context of the volcanic disaster, deepening the emotional resonance of the scene.



Scene 42 -  Tensions Over Volcano Monitoring
INT. USGS HEADQUARTERS - PATTY LIPMAN'S OFFICE - LATER

Patty Lipman (older now by ten years) is sitting at her desk
when she looks up at Dan Miller, sitting across from her.

PATTY LIPMAN
You have taken the only mobile
volcano-monitoring equipment the
Survey owned!

DAN MILLER
Technically, they belong to the
State Department-

PATTY LIPMAN
-They belong here! And the only
source of funds available that I’m
able to pull from is to curtail the
field season of other geologists
that have been planning for years!
How am I going to justify that for
a volcano that might have a slight
fever!?

DAN MILLER
You’ve been against me ever since
St. Helens-

PATTY LIPMAN
-And you were against us. But this
time it’s bigger than you and me.
(beat)
Call them and tell them it’s over.
Or I will.

Dan lowers his head in defeat.


INT. GRASSLAND - ARMORED SUV - DAY

A long field of grass stretches for miles and then Clark Air
Base comes into sight.

Rick, sitting in the back, taps the driver on the shoulder
and he pulls over.


EXT. OUTSIDE CLARK AIR BASE - RIVERBANK - CONTINUOUS

Rick exits the SUV and carefully walks over to the RIVERBANK.
He looks at the edge of the BANK. Rick scoops a handful of
the gray and tan sediment from the bank and inspects it in
his palm. He then turns his attention toward Mount Pinatubo.


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - GENERAL GRIME’S OFFICE - SAME TIME

General Grime is sitting at his desk. He looks down at the
various pages of volcanic research.

INSERT - VOLCANIC RESEARCH, which reads: “MOUNT ST. HELENS
TRAGEDY, VOLCANO WARNING BRINGS ECONOMIC WOES TO CALIFORNIA
RESORT.”

BACK TO GENERAL GRIME’S OFFICE - Colonel Studer is standing
in the corner of the room awaiting word from General Grime.

GENERAL GRIME
Loss of life, economic fallout --
(now looking up at Studer)
Did you even think to do a
background check before you sent
out an SOS?

Colonel Studer doesn’t have a response to that.

GENERAL GRIME (CONT’D)
The Secretary of Defense is saying
we’re overreacting -- have our
tails between our legs. The entire
world is watching now.

General Grime pours two glasses of scotch.

GENERAL GRIME (CONT’D)
No one cares about the scientist
who made the wrong call. They blame
the generals who put in the order.

General Grime hands Colonel Studer his glass of scotch.

GENERAL GRIME (CONT’D)
We need to remind them that the job
of a scientist is to educate the
decision makers, not make the
decisions!

Colonel Studer nods.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Patty Lipman's office, she confronts Dan Miller about taking the only mobile volcano-monitoring equipment from the USGS, expressing frustration over funding issues and the impact on other geologists. Dan defends his actions, claiming the equipment belongs to the State Department, but Patty insists it should remain with the Survey and threatens action if he doesn't comply. The scene shifts to Rick inspecting sediment near Clark Air Base, while General Grime criticizes the military's response to a volcanic warning in his office, emphasizing the need for scientists to guide decision-making. The scene ends with General Grime pouring scotch, highlighting the gravity of the situation.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of visual action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and conflict through the dialogue and power dynamics between Patty Lipman and Dan Miller. The high stakes and emotional weight of the situation are palpable, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the clash of priorities and decision-making in a crisis situation, effectively portraying the challenges and tensions faced by the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene as key decisions are made regarding the allocation of resources and the response to the volcanic threat. The conflict between characters adds depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on the ethical dilemmas of scientific research and government decision-making. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Patty Lipman and Dan Miller are well-developed and their motivations and conflicts are clearly portrayed. Their interactions drive the scene forward and add layers to the story.

Character Changes: 8

Both Patty Lipman and Dan Miller experience a shift in their dynamic and priorities during the scene, reflecting the pressure and consequences of their decisions. Their characters evolve in response to the escalating conflict.

Internal Goal: 8

Patty Lipman's internal goal in this scene is to protect the interests of her department and the geologists planning field seasons. This reflects her desire to prioritize scientific research and the well-being of her team.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to retrieve the mobile volcano-monitoring equipment and resolve the conflict with Dan Miller. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing limited resources and dealing with interdepartmental disputes.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving personal stakes, professional responsibilities, and ethical dilemmas. It keeps the audience on edge and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and values driving the conflict between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the dramatic tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, involving the allocation of critical resources for monitoring a potential volcanic eruption. The decisions made will have far-reaching consequences for the characters and the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key decisions and conflicts that will have a lasting impact on the narrative. It sets the stage for further developments and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral ambiguity of the characters' decisions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between scientific integrity and governmental authority. Patty Lipman believes in the importance of scientific research and data-driven decision-making, while General Grime is concerned with public perception and political consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly feelings of tension, frustration, and defeat. The high stakes and personal conflicts heighten the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and impactful, effectively conveying the conflicting viewpoints and emotions of the characters. It drives the scene forward and enhances the tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and dynamic character interactions. The conflict between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere and setting of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character motivations and conflicts. The dialogue and action sequences flow smoothly, maintaining the tension and momentum of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Patty Lipman and Dan Miller, showcasing their conflicting priorities regarding volcanic monitoring equipment. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their conflict. Currently, it feels somewhat straightforward, lacking layers that would make their disagreement more compelling.
  • Patty's frustration is clear, but her motivations could be more explicitly tied to the stakes involved. Adding a line or two that highlights the potential consequences of not having the monitoring equipment could enhance the urgency of her plea.
  • The transition between Patty's office and the armored SUV feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the scene's momentum. Consider adding a brief moment that connects Rick's actions to the ongoing conflict between Patty and Dan, perhaps by showing Rick's awareness of the stakes involved.
  • General Grime's dialogue about the perception of scientists and decision-makers is insightful, but it could be more impactful if it were tied back to the personal stakes of the characters. For instance, how does this pressure affect Grime personally? Adding a personal anecdote or emotional reaction could enhance the scene's depth.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual element that could enhance the emotional weight. Consider incorporating more sensory details, such as the atmosphere in the office or the tension in the air, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Add subtext to the dialogue between Patty and Dan to create a more layered conflict. This could involve hints at their past disagreements or personal stakes that make their current situation more urgent.
  • Incorporate a line or two from Patty that emphasizes the potential consequences of not having the monitoring equipment, which would heighten the stakes and urgency of her argument.
  • Create a smoother transition between the two settings by adding a brief moment that connects Rick's actions to the ongoing conflict, perhaps by showing his awareness of the situation or his own concerns about the volcano.
  • Enhance General Grime's dialogue by tying it back to his personal stakes. Consider adding a personal anecdote or emotional reaction that reflects the pressure he feels as a leader in this crisis.
  • Include more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere in the office and the surrounding environment, which would help immerse the audience in the tension of the scene.



Scene 43 -  Tremors of Tension
INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - HALLWAY - SAME TIME

Chris looks defeated while holding the PHONE.

CHRIS NEWHALL
What the hell do they want!?


DAN MILLER (O.S.)
Money and answers and so far we’re
0 for 2.

CHRIS NEWHALL
The last thing we need is the
Survey undercutting us back home!
We need more time!

Chris slams the PHONE down and walks into the living room.


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Chris walks into the living room right as Ewert perks up from
her MONITORING STATION.

EWERT
Guys -- they’re getting shallower.
The quakes are moving along the
line. I think another conduit is
opening.

Dave rushes over to his SEISMOMETER DRUM but all activity
stops.

DAVE HARLOW
Pinatubo is toying with us!

Dave kicks the drum in frustration.


EXT. MOUNT PINATUBO - CLIFFSIDE - SAME TIME

Lockhart has a safety rope wrapped around his waist and it’s
connected to a SAFETY CLIP on a rock wall. He holds the rope
steady as Bayani slowly CONNECTS THE BLUE WIRE TO A CIRCUIT
BOARD on a piece of MONITOR EQUIPMENT that is on the edge of
a cliff.

LOCKHART
Make sure it’s wired correctly.

BAYANI
It is!

LOCKHART
Then why is the blue wire connected
to the green wire?

Bayani looks at it again.

BAYANI
Shit.


A SUDDEN RUMBLE COMING FROM THE PEAK OF PINATUBO. Lockhart
stops and looks toward it then back to Bayani.

LOCKHART
Did you feel that?
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a high-stakes scene, Chris Newhall expresses frustration over the Survey's demands while Ewert warns the team about increasing seismic activity at Mount Pinatubo. As tensions rise, Lockhart oversees Bayani's work on a cliffside, where a wiring mistake leads to a rumble from the volcano, signaling an impending crisis.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional impact
  • Tense dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Possible lack of character depth for some minor characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-executed in terms of building tension and conveying the high stakes involved in monitoring the volcano. The dialogue and actions effectively portray the characters' emotions and the imminent danger they are facing.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the imminent volcanic threat and the characters' reactions to it, is engaging and effectively conveys the central conflict of the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the overall narrative, as it highlights the escalating danger posed by Mount Pinatubo and the characters' efforts to respond to the crisis.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the familiar theme of natural disasters by focusing on the characters' internal and external struggles in the face of a crisis. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with their emotions and motivations clearly portrayed. The interactions between the characters drive the tension and conflict of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes in response to the escalating crisis, showing growth and development in their reactions to the situation.

Internal Goal: 8

Chris's internal goal is to prevent the Survey from undercutting their efforts back home and to buy more time to address the crisis at hand. This reflects his deeper need for control and success in his work, as well as his fear of failure and losing credibility.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to prevent the Survey from undermining their work and to successfully address the earthquakes and volcanic activity at Mount Pinatubo. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing the crisis and maintaining their reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and internal struggles that heighten the drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong as the characters face challenges from both external forces (natural disasters) and internal conflicts (doubt, fear, pressure), creating uncertainty and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the characters facing the threat of a volcanic eruption that could have catastrophic consequences, adding urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by raising the stakes and setting up the next phase of the narrative, leading to a critical turning point in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden rumble from the peak of Pinatubo and the characters' unexpected reactions to the crisis, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' desire for control and the unpredictable forces of nature. This challenges their beliefs in their ability to manage the situation and highlights the limitations of human intervention in natural disasters.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, fear, and desperation as the characters confront the imminent volcanic threat.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, frustrations, and desperation, adding depth to their interactions and enhancing the overall tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome of the crisis.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense through quick dialogue exchanges, dramatic actions, and dynamic scene transitions that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre by establishing the setting, introducing the conflict, and building tension through character interactions and actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively conveys a sense of urgency and tension, particularly through Chris's frustration and the impending seismic activity. However, the transition between the two locations (the Clark Air Base and the cliffside at Mount Pinatubo) feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative and maintain the tension.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While Chris's frustration is clear, it would benefit from more nuanced expressions of his feelings about the situation. Adding a line that reflects his personal stakes or fears could deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • The introduction of Ewert's observation about the quakes is a pivotal moment, but it could be more impactful if it were framed with a stronger visual or auditory cue. For instance, a visual of the seismometer reacting to the quakes could heighten the tension and make the stakes clearer.
  • The interaction between Lockhart and Bayani is a good moment of levity amidst the tension, but it could be enhanced by showing more of Bayani's internal conflict or stress about the task at hand. This would add layers to his character and make the stakes feel more personal.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with the rumble from Pinatubo, which is effective for building suspense. However, it could be improved by including a brief moment of reaction from the characters to the rumble, which would heighten the tension and make the audience feel the immediacy of the threat.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of internal monologue for Chris to express his fears or doubts about the situation, which would help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Enhance the transition between the two locations by using a visual or auditory cue that links the two scenes, such as a distant rumble that grows louder as the scene shifts to the cliffside.
  • Incorporate a visual element that shows the seismometer's reaction to the quakes, which would provide a tangible representation of the danger and increase the stakes for the characters.
  • Develop Bayani's character further by including a line that reveals his personal stakes or fears about the task, which would add depth to his interaction with Lockhart.
  • Include a moment of reaction from Lockhart and Bayani to the rumble from Pinatubo, which would enhance the suspense and make the threat feel more immediate.



Scene 44 -  Tremors of Revelation
INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME

Dave and Ray are gathered around Ewert’s MONITOR as she looks
at a SEISMOGRAPH DRUM and DATA next to it.

RAY
I don’t believe it. It’s directly
under the fumaroles now.

Dave looks at his SEISMOGRAPH DRUM again and this time the
PEN SLASHES.

SUDDENLY A MASSIVE JOLT SHAKES THE ENTIRE HOUSE. Everyone
braces themselves.


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - GENERAL GRIME’S OFFICE - SAME TIME

A glass of scotch drops to the ground and SHATTERS.

General Grime and Colonel Studer are shaken violently.


EXT. OUTSIDE CLARK AIR BASE - RIVERBANK - SAME TIME

Rick looks toward Mount Pinatubo right as he’s thrown down
into a ditch from the large SHOCKWAVE AND EARTHQUAKE.

He rolls to safety right as a few LARGE BOULDERS fall into
the ditch.

He pulls himself out of the ditch and sees an ASH CLOUD
RISING ABOVE PINATUBO.


EXT. MOUNT PINATUBO - CLIFFSIDE - SAME TIME

The earthquake violently shakes the cliffside causing
Bayani’s foot to slip and begin to fall off the side.

Lockhart’s hand reaches out and grabs Bayani’s forearm. The
earthquake continues to loosen rocks and boulders all around
the two volcanologist. They narrowly miss them.

Finally the earthquake begins to subside a bit and Lockhart
pulls Bayani back to his feet.


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - MOMENTS LATER

TILTMETERS MEASUREMENTS are slapped down on the table in
front of Colonel Studer and General Grime delivered by Dave
surprisingly.

DAVE HARLOW
It’s inflating. Magma is filling
the reservoir.

EWERT
I thought you didn’t trust
tiltmeters?

DAVE HARLOW
(sarcastic)
It’s called growth.

Ewert walks over and hands General Grime and Colonel Studer
the latest SEISMIC DATA.

EWERT
We’re seeing two clusters now.

Dave can’t even believe that. He pulls the DATA from Colonel
Studer’s hands before he gets a chance to look at it.

DAVE HARLOW
Volcanic quakes can move from place
to place but two happening
simultaneously at different
locations --
(looking at Chris now)
That’s not possible.

Chris has no answer either.

General Grime and Colonel Studer are clearly growing very
impatient.

GENERAL GRIME
Can anyone tell us what the fuck is
going on!?

No one has anything to add but a VOICE SPEAKS OUT...

RICK HOBLITT (O.S.)
The earthquakes are all related to
the same body of magma.

Rick brings everyones attention to the front door. A smile
even sneaks onto Dave’s face which is rare these days.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary As Dave and Ray analyze a seismograph indicating volcanic activity, a massive earthquake strikes, causing chaos at Clark Air Base. General Grime and Colonel Studer are startled by shattering glass, while Rick narrowly escapes danger from falling boulders, and Lockhart saves Bayani from a cliff. After the tremors, Dave shares tilt meter data, and Ewert reveals confusing seismic clusters. Frustration mounts until Rick enters with a breakthrough connection between the earthquakes and the magma, bringing a moment of relief to the team.
Strengths
  • Building tension and suspense
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Effective portrayal of high stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the impending danger and emotional turmoil of the characters, creating a sense of urgency and suspense.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of impending volcanic eruption and the resulting chaos is effectively portrayed, capturing the audience's attention and setting the stage for a dramatic climax.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in setting up the imminent eruption of Mount Pinatubo and the characters' reactions to the unfolding disaster.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the disaster genre by focusing on scientific analysis and collaboration in the face of a natural disaster. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in reality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the escalating situation are well-developed, showcasing their fear, desperation, and determination in the face of impending danger.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes as they confront the reality of the eruption, showing growth, resilience, and vulnerability in the face of adversity.

Internal Goal: 8

Dave's internal goal is to prove his expertise and value in the face of a natural disaster. This reflects his need for validation and recognition in his field.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to analyze and interpret the seismic data to predict the volcanic eruption and save lives. This reflects the immediate challenge of managing a natural disaster.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, as characters are faced with the imminent eruption of Mount Pinatubo and must make life-or-death decisions in a rapidly escalating situation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition rating is strong as the characters face the challenge of interpreting the seismic data and predicting the volcanic eruption in a high-pressure situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as characters are faced with the imminent eruption of Mount Pinatubo and must make critical decisions to survive the disaster.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the climax of the eruption and showcasing the characters' reactions to the unfolding disaster.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden seismic activity and the characters' unexpected reactions to the data and events.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the unpredictability of nature and the desire for control and understanding. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in his scientific knowledge and expertise.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as characters face fear, desperation, and shock in the face of the impending disaster, eliciting a strong emotional response from the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation, with characters expressing their concerns and observations in a realistic and engaging manner.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and the characters' expertise and collaboration in the face of a natural disaster.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the characters analyze the data and make decisions in real-time.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a disaster genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a disaster genre, with escalating tension and stakes as the characters analyze the data and make decisions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the use of simultaneous earthquakes affecting different characters in various locations. This technique creates a sense of urgency and interconnectedness among the characters, which is crucial in a disaster narrative.
  • The dialogue is functional but could benefit from more emotional depth. For instance, while Dave's sarcastic remark about tiltmeters adds a touch of humor, it feels somewhat out of place given the gravity of the situation. More serious dialogue could enhance the stakes and emotional weight of the scene.
  • The transition between locations is clear, but the pacing could be improved. The abrupt shifts from the living room to General Grime's office and then to the cliffside may disorient the audience. Consider using a more gradual transition or a visual cue to maintain continuity and flow.
  • The introduction of Rick's character in the middle of the chaos is effective, but his emotional response to the earthquake could be more pronounced. This would help the audience connect with him and understand the personal stakes involved in the disaster.
  • The climax of the scene, where Rick reveals the connection between the earthquakes and the magma body, is a strong moment. However, it could be enhanced by building up to this revelation with more foreshadowing or hints earlier in the scene, making it feel like a natural progression rather than a sudden insight.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional dialogue that reflects the characters' fears and concerns about the impending disaster. This could help deepen the audience's connection to the characters.
  • To improve pacing, try to create smoother transitions between the different locations. This could involve using visual or auditory cues that link the scenes together, such as the sound of the earthquake echoing across the different settings.
  • Enhance Rick's emotional response to the earthquake by including a brief moment of reflection or panic before he delivers his revelation. This would make his character more relatable and heighten the tension.
  • Incorporate more foreshadowing regarding the connection between the earthquakes and the magma body. This could be done through earlier discussions or observations made by the characters, making the eventual revelation feel more earned.
  • Consider using more vivid descriptions of the chaos and destruction caused by the earthquake to immerse the audience in the scene. This could involve sensory details that convey the physical sensations of the tremors and the emotional reactions of the characters.



Scene 45 -  Eruption Alert: Tensions Rise at Clark Air Base
INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - LATER

A blank sheet of paper is laid on the dining table and Rick
begins to draw a giant circle and then a small volcano on the
top of it.

General Grime and Colonel Studer try to follow along.

RICK HOBLITT
If these quakes were each on the
ends of one underground plug of
molten rock, it would mean there
was a magma lake beneath Pinatubo.

He draws two paralleling lines from the volcano to the center
of the circle. He looks up at the General and Colonel, then
the group of volcanologists.

RAY
That explains why the earthquakes
weren’t always happening near the
fumaroles but that would be over
fifty cubic kilometers.

RICK HOBLITT
Precisely and if we assume ten
percent of the magma from the
chamber would release during an
eruption, Pinatubo would produce
five cubic kilometers of material.

Ray looks over at Chris.

RAY
Krakatoa.

DAVE HARLOW
You’re talking about one of the
largest volcanoes in history.

RICK HOBLITT
Yes. I am.

CHRIS NEWHALL
This is massive. That would be-

RICK HOBLITT
Ten time larger than St. Helens.

GENERAL GRIME
Would this be similar to a nuclear
blast?


RICK HOBLITT
It would be like 13,000 nuclear
bombs detonating at once.

General Grime has a look of great concern on his face now.

GENERAL GRIME
Why do I get the feeling we may not
be anywhere near far enough away
from this volcano.

Dave pulls out a MAP and lays it on the table now.

INSERT - MAP, which shows: PAMPANGA AGRICULTURAL COLLEGE, 18
KILOMETERS WEST OF ANGELES CITY.

Dave circles it with a sharpie.

DAVE HARLOW
(now facing General Grime)
If you’re looking for 100%, that’s
the safe zone-

GENERAL GRIME
-None of this happens until we get
authorization from the Pentagon!
(beat)
I assume you’re all aware of the
story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf?

RICK HOBLITT
We are. Right now we have a 5,700
foot tall wolf staring down on us
and we’re trying to keep that from
happening.

Chris hands General Grime and Colonel Studer VOLCANIC
EMERGENCY PAMPHLETS and they scan over them quickly.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Here is the Volcanic Alert Level.
It ranges from 1 to 4, 4 being a
volcanic eruption is underway.

GENERAL GRIME
What emergency level do you
suggest?

There is hesitation.

CHRIS NEWHALL
At least level-


RICK HOBLITT
-Four.

That catches Dave off guard as well.

DAVE HARLOW
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Rick. Slow down
now.

RICK HOBLITT
Blame it on St. Helens but I think
there’s a 10 percent chance
Pinatubo erupts with little to no
warning at all.

DAVE HARLOW
We needed your expertise on
stratigraphy not making radical
decisions!

CHRIS NEWHALL
I would start moving dependents off
base. I would get your family as
far away from this mountain as you
can-

DAVE HARLOW
Jesus Christ, Rick, take it easy.

GENERAL GRIME
The military is willing to take
mitigating steps but by God
something better happen! If it
doesn’t -- I’ll make sure your team
will be held in front of a
committee investigating this
disaster.

The tension in the room is palpable now. Everyone is quiet
for a moment.

There is an awkward silence before Chris finally stands up.
He has to say something.

CHRIS NEWHALL
If Rick thinks we should be at a
level four I’m sure he has a good
reason for it.

Rick looks at everyone in the room and finally Colonel Studer
and General Grime.


RICK HOBLITT
I saw the deposits in the riverbank
just outside these walls. They were
poorly sorted -- a clear
characteristic of volcanic debris.
Clark Air Base was built on ancient
pyroclastic flows.

COLONEL STUDER
Jesus Christ.

Rick removes three sets of S02 readings.

INSERT - S02 DATA, which reads: “Augustine, Mount St. Helens,
and now Mount Pinatubo -- The readings share similar
patterns.

BACK TO ROOM - Rick points out the matching patterns.

RICK HOBLITT
SO2 is plummeting. 5,000 tons to
206. Pinatubo is just like
Augustine and St. Helens. She’s no
longer freely degassing. She’s
pressurizing.
(beat)
The question we have to ask
ourselves now -- could she move to
a catastrophic eruption sooner than
we thought?

Lockhart and Bayani suddenly rush into the building.

LOCKHART
We saw a cryptodome forming!

RICK HOBLITT
How certain are you!?

BAYANI
100%

RICK HOBLITT
Pinatubo is moving into another
stage.

Lockhart looks around and can feel the tension.

LOCKHART
What the hell did we miss?

A PHONE STARTS RINGING IN THE HALLWAY STARTLING EVERYONE.

IT CONTINUES TO RING but nobody is moving.


IT RINGS AGAIN.

LOCKHART (CONT’D)
Is someone going to answer that?

Finally Chris moves to answer but Dave gets up first.

DAVE HARLOW
I’ll get it.

Dave walks over to the PHONE and answers.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
This is Dave.

Everyone is waiting now and listening.

Dave has the same look of defeat when he was told to turn
around at the airport before leaving for Colombia.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
I understand.

Dave hangs up the phone. Everyone is looking at him now.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
That was Patty Lipman. She’s
shutting us down.

Dave’s face is growing red. He walks over to Chris and gets
right in his face.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
You already knew and didn’t say a
goddamn thing!

CHRIS NEWHALL
You know it’s bullshit.

DAVE HARLOW
If the Survey’s pulling the plug,
that’s it! It’s over!

CHRIS NEWHALL
Then go! Nobody is stopping you!

DAVE HARLOW
I’m stopping all of this!

Dave looks over at Ewert and Lockhart now.


DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
You have two young volcanologists
in here who are risking everything
for this!
(beat)
You’re ruining their careers!

CHRIS NEWHALL
They don’t want to make the same
mistakes you’ve made!

Dave shoves Chris. Chris retaliates and shoves Dave back.

Dave charges Chris and they scuffle for a short moment before
Rick pulls Chris away from Dave as Lockhart and Ewert rush
over to pull Dave away from Chris.

It’s bedlam at PVO.

Rick continues to hold Chris back.

Ewert and Lockhart hold Dave until he frees himself but
finally starts to calm down.

Everyone takes a breath and cools down.

Lockhart looks at General Grime and Colonel Studer.

LOCKHART
Little known fact, volcanologists
can erupt without warning as well.

DAVE HARLOW
It’s Ray and Bayani’s problem now.

Chris catches his breath looks at Ray.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Tell Angeles City we’re at a four.
Kick down the if you have to.

Ray nods. Him and Bayani quickly exit the building.

DAVE HARLOW
There’s no turning if we do this.
If you call a level four, the end
of the world happens.

GENERAL GRIME
If this falls apart, the public
lambasting will be on you, not me!
I’ll make sure of it!

Ewert finally walks over and addresses the entire room.


EWERT
You all might think we’re hoping
this volcano erupts but that’s not
the truth. We’re just as concerned
about causing social disruption as
we are about lives lost. We’re
trying to be right on the mark. We
don’t want any false alarms. We
don’t want big evacuations that
turn out to be all for nothing. We
pay a lot of attention to our
credibility, to try to have a
pretty damn-good-basis for the
pronouncements we make, and to try
to have the people like you, who
have to act on them, to understand
what the evidence is so you know
how to make the right call.

Ewert looks at everyone in the room.

EWERT (CONT’D)
If there is anyone in this room
that doesn’t think Pinatubo is
going to erupt, the door is right
there.

General Grime gets up from his seat and tirelessly walks over
to the window, looks out at Mount Pinatubo, the ASH CLOUD
ABOVE IT, then flops into a chair in the corner of the room.

GENERAL GRIME
This volcano shit is just about my
limit. I’ve had troops assassinated
just beyond these walls, there’s a
goddamn Filipino revolution
happening in the hills all around
us -- and now this volcano is
threatening to erupt.

Lockhart walks over to General Grime and places his hand on
his shoulder.

LOCKHART
(jokingly)
You’re fortunate to have so many
rich life experiences, sir.

Dave glances over at Ewert and gives her a proud nod. She
nods back.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense meeting at Clark Air Base, scientist Rick Hoblitt presents alarming data about a potential eruption at Mount Pinatubo, suggesting a volcanic alert level increase to four. This sparks heated debates among military personnel and scientists, particularly between Dave and Chris, culminating in a physical altercation. As Lockhart and Bayani rush in with urgent news of a cryptodome forming, the group grapples with the implications of their decisions amidst the looming threat of disaster, ending with General Grime's frustration and Lockhart's attempt to lighten the mood.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Realistic portrayal of decision-making under pressure
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion due to the complexity of the scientific concepts discussed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and drives the plot forward significantly. The stakes are high, and the sense of urgency is effectively conveyed.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of dealing with an imminent volcanic eruption and the decision-making process involved is well-developed and adds depth to the overall story.

Plot: 9.2

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with crucial decisions being made that will impact the future events in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the disaster genre by focusing on the scientific and military response to a volcanic eruption, with authentic dialogue and detailed technical explanations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the conflict and decision-making in the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Some characters experience a shift in their perspectives and decisions during the scene, particularly regarding the urgency of the volcanic crisis.

Internal Goal: 9

Rick's internal goal is to convince the military officials of the imminent danger posed by Mount Pinatubo and to make them take immediate action to prevent a disaster.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to convince the military officials to raise the volcanic alert level to four and take necessary precautions to protect lives and property.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.3

The conflict between characters, particularly regarding the decision-making process and the urgency of the situation, is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, internal and external obstacles, and high stakes that keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in this scene, as the characters are faced with the imminent threat of a catastrophic volcanic eruption and must make critical decisions.

Story Forward: 10

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing high stakes, making crucial decisions, and setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting perspectives, unexpected plot developments, and the looming threat of a volcanic eruption.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the balance between caution and action, as well as the responsibility of the characters to make difficult decisions that could have far-reaching consequences.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a sense of concern, anxiety, and tension, effectively engaging the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 9.5

The dialogue is intense, realistic, and drives the scene forward, effectively conveying the urgency and high stakes of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense dialogue exchanges, and escalating tension, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and a climactic moment that propels the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear dialogue exchanges, character actions, and escalating tension, effectively building towards a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and urgency around the impending volcanic eruption, showcasing the characters' varying levels of concern and expertise. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when characters explain scientific concepts. This could be streamlined to maintain the flow and keep the audience engaged without feeling overwhelmed by technical jargon.
  • The conflict between Dave and Chris adds a layer of personal stakes to the scientific discussion, but the physical altercation feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from more buildup. The emotional stakes could be heightened by exploring the characters' backstories or motivations more deeply, allowing the audience to understand why this situation is so critical to them.
  • General Grime's character is portrayed as authoritative but could be fleshed out further to show his internal conflict regarding the military's response to the volcanic threat. Adding a moment of vulnerability or doubt could make him more relatable and enhance the tension in the room.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the scientific discussion to the physical confrontation feels jarring. A smoother transition could help maintain the tension without breaking the flow of the narrative.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the map and SO2 readings, is effective in conveying the urgency of the situation. However, these visuals could be described in more detail to enhance the audience's understanding of their significance. For instance, explaining the implications of the SO2 readings could add depth to the scientific discussion.
Suggestions
  • Consider simplifying the scientific dialogue to make it more accessible to the audience. Use metaphors or analogies that relate to everyday experiences to explain complex concepts.
  • Build up the tension between Dave and Chris gradually before the physical confrontation. Perhaps include a moment where their differing opinions lead to a heated argument, allowing the audience to feel the weight of their conflict.
  • Add a moment of reflection for General Grime that reveals his personal stakes in the situation, such as family or past experiences with disasters, to create a more nuanced character.
  • Smooth the transition from the scientific discussion to the physical altercation by incorporating a moment of rising tension, such as a sudden realization or a critical piece of information that pushes the characters over the edge.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the map and SO2 readings, perhaps by showing the characters' reactions to these visuals, to emphasize their importance in the decision-making process.



Scene 46 -  Urgent Plea for Action
INT. ANGELES CITY - CITY HALL - HALLWAY - DAY

The city council member is walking down the hallway when
she’s immediately stopped by Ray and Bayani and she sighs at
the sight of them.

DIALOGUE IN FILIPINO

CITY COUNCIL MEMBER
Please, I don’t have the time today-

RAY
-You’re right. There isn’t much
time left.

Ray’s voice echoes through the hallway.

RAY (CONT’D)
Do you want 300,000 deaths on your
hands1?

That gets the city council member to finally listen for a
moment.

RAY (CONT’D)
That’s only the estimates for
Angeles City. You can add another
50,000 from the neighboring
villages around Pinatubo.

The city council member is still aggravated.

CITY COUNCIL MEMBER
And if you’re wrong-

BAYANI
-We aren’t.
(beat)
I’ve seen first hand what it’s like
to live through something like
this. I lost everything. If you
turn your back on this it will be
the biggest natural disaster in
human history. And it won’t be the
scientists who got it wrong.

CITY COUNCIL MEMBER
What is it you need us to do.

RAY
We need you to trust us.


INT. MOUNT PINATUBO - HELICOPTER - MORNING

Rick is seated next to General Grime and Colonel Studer.

GENERAL GRIME
(facing Rick)
What the hell are we looking for?

RICK HOBLITT
It’s an extrusion of lava that is
so rigid that is can literally
stand up like a obelisk-

GENERAL GRIME
-In English.

RICK HOBLITT
If we see a black spike in the
crater, Pinatubo has hit another
mile stone -- an eruption is
underway.

The three men look out the side at the fuming crater that is
spitting out plumes of ash.

The wind clears the ash for a moment and Rick spots the BLACK
SPIKE sticking out of the crater.

RICK HOBLITT (CONT’D)
I’ll be damned.
(pointing it out)
There is it -- Lockhart was right.

Colonel Studer is coming to a realization. He looks at
General Grime.

COLONEL STUDER
Do it tomorrow -- Do it tomorrow.
They’ll call you a hero. Our kids
will get out of school early.

He laughs. General Grime wasn’t ready to hear that but he
knows what must be done.

GENERAL GRIME
And what if the Secretary of
Defense doesn’t authorize it?

COLONEL STUDER
Then screw the Secretary of
Defense.

General Grime nods.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense confrontation at City Hall, Ray and Bayani urge a city council member to take immediate action against the impending disaster from Mount Pinatubo, highlighting the potential death toll and personal loss. As they share their concerns, the council member shifts from skepticism to engagement. Meanwhile, in a helicopter, Rick identifies critical signs of an imminent eruption, prompting General Grime and Colonel Studer to advocate for urgent measures, setting the stage for a pivotal decision.
Strengths
  • Compelling dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency through compelling dialogue and high stakes, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of scientists trying to convince a skeptical city council member of the imminent danger and the need for action is compelling and drives the conflict forward.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the narrative, setting up high stakes, and creating a sense of urgency that propels the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the disaster genre by focusing on the moral and ethical dilemmas faced by the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear, adding depth to the scene and enhancing the conflict and emotional resonance.

Character Changes: 7

While there may not be significant character changes in this particular scene, the confrontation and high stakes could lead to potential shifts in perspectives and decisions in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to convince the City Council Member to trust them and take action to prevent a natural disaster. This reflects their deeper desire to save lives and prevent a catastrophe.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to persuade the City Council Member to take action to prevent the eruption of Mount Pinatubo. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in convincing the authorities to act.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, with opposing viewpoints clashing and the potential for catastrophic consequences adding to the tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the City Council Member initially resistant to the protagonist's pleas and the General facing internal and external obstacles in making a critical decision. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the potential for massive loss of life and catastrophic consequences if the city council member does not take action.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict, raising the stakes, and setting the stage for critical decisions and actions to be taken.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, moral conflicts, and unexpected decisions made by the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the value of human life and the responsibility of those in power to take action to prevent disasters. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the importance of saving lives and the role of authority figures in decision-making.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of tension, concern, and determination, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional states and the gravity of the situation.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and drives the tension and conflict in the scene, effectively conveying the urgency and high stakes of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, moral dilemmas, and intense dialogue. The conflict and tension keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by highlighting the urgency of the situation regarding Mount Pinatubo. Ray's strong opening line immediately captures the reader's attention and sets a serious tone, emphasizing the potential consequences of inaction.
  • The dialogue is impactful, particularly Ray's statistics about potential casualties, which adds weight to their plea. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. While Bayani shares his personal loss, the scene could explore his feelings further to create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • The transition between the two settings (City Hall and the helicopter) feels abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the urgency of the council meeting with the helicopter's impending eruption, a smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative. Consider adding a brief moment that connects the two scenes thematically or visually.
  • The city council member's initial dismissal of Ray and Bayani feels somewhat clichéd. While it establishes her character as skeptical, it could be more nuanced. Perhaps she could express doubt in a way that reflects her own fears or pressures, making her eventual agreement feel more earned.
  • The scene lacks a clear visual element that could enhance the tension. Describing the physical environment of the City Hall, such as the bustling atmosphere or the urgency in the air, could help ground the audience in the moment and heighten the stakes.
Suggestions
  • Consider deepening Bayani's emotional backstory to create a more profound impact when he speaks about his loss. This could involve a brief flashback or a more vivid description of his experience during the disaster.
  • Introduce a visual motif or recurring element that symbolizes the urgency of the volcanic threat, such as a clock ticking or a nearby news report about the volcano, to enhance the tension and urgency of the scene.
  • To improve the transition between the two settings, consider adding a line or two that connects the urgency of the council meeting to the helicopter scene, perhaps by referencing the immediate actions that need to be taken based on the council's decision.
  • Revise the city council member's initial reaction to Ray and Bayani to reflect her internal conflict. This could involve her expressing concern for her constituents while still feeling the pressure of bureaucracy, making her eventual agreement more impactful.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the City Hall setting to create a vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds, smells, and sights that surround Ray and Bayani as they confront the council member, which can help immerse the audience in the urgency of the moment.



Scene 47 -  Confrontation at USGS Headquarters
INT. USGS HEADQUARTERS - CONFERENCE ROOM - MORNING

There is a long table that has various USGS chiefs and
directors seated, including Patty Lipman, and finally at the
very end, the USGS PRESIDENT, (male, early 60s, balding.)

He doesn’t look happy.

USGS PRESIDENT
I just got off the phone with
Washington D.C. They got word that
Clark Air Base in the Philippines
is planning an evacuation on the
basis of your team’s prediction.
Having them ask me, and I quote,
“what the hell is your team doing
in the Philippines?” was not
something I was prepared to answer
first thing in the morning. I don’t
know what compelled you to go
behind the Survey’s back but this
problem is now bigger than you.

The USGS President holds up a sheet of paper.

USGS PRESIDENT (CONT’D)
Just looking at the list of names --
Chris Newhall. He has history
working with Raymundo Punongbayan.
Chris’s wife is Filipino for Christ-
sake -- of course he’s the head of
the snake. And Dave Harlow -- he
hasn’t published a single piece of
work in his 13 year career. How is
that even possible?

DAN MILLER
I cannot address the technical
merits of Harlow’s publication
record but I can assure you that
during emergency situations,
international crisis response teams
feel very comfortable with his
judgement-

USGS PRESIDENT
And Rick Hoblitt. You’re old pal
from college. You were both
involved at St. Helens as well as
the Long Valley Mammoth incident.
He stood beside you when you
decided yo flip that poor little
town on its head and declare the
apocalypse.


Dan has nothing to say and can only take this public beating.

USGS PRESIDENT (CONT’D)
Your little band of volcano cowboys
couldn’t have been picked worse it
names were randomly drawn from a
hat! It ends today.

Dan Miller starts to walk away but he stops short at the
door. He turns back to face the USGS president.

DAN MILLER
The Survey keeps threatening me
with “what ifs.” What is a volcano
crisis arises here -- What is
there’s unrest in Central America --
(beat)
Tell me, sir, would you even answer
the call?

The USGS president doesn’t have a response to that. Dan has
made a valid point.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense meeting at the USGS headquarters, the President expresses frustration over a team's evacuation prediction for Clark Air Base, targeting members Chris Newhall, Dave Harlow, and Rick Hoblitt. Dan Miller defends his team, questioning the President's own crisis response capabilities. The confrontation highlights the conflict between leadership and the team's actions, culminating in a moment of silence as Dan's challenge leaves the President speechless.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation
  • Revealing dialogue
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, intense, and pivotal in the narrative. It effectively builds tension and conflict, revealing the inner workings of the USGS and the personal dynamics of the characters. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the scene forward with emotional depth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the power dynamics and personal connections within the USGS, highlighting the consequences of individual actions on a larger scale. It explores themes of responsibility, loyalty, and accountability.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the narrative, revealing key information about the characters and their motivations. It sets up future conflicts and resolutions, driving the story forward with significant developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the typical bureaucratic confrontation trope by incorporating elements of crisis response and scientific expertise. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined and complex, with conflicting motivations and personal histories. Their interactions reveal layers of depth and emotion, adding richness to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no explicit character changes in this scene, the confrontation and revelations set the stage for potential shifts in the characters' motivations and relationships in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

Dan Miller's internal goal in this scene is to defend his team and their actions in the face of criticism and potential consequences. This reflects his need for validation, respect, and recognition of his expertise and leadership.

External Goal: 7

Dan Miller's external goal in this scene is to address the accusations and concerns raised by the USGS President regarding the team's actions in the Philippines. He aims to defend his team's decisions and reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with intense confrontations and emotional stakes. The power struggle between the characters drives the tension and propels the narrative forward, creating a sense of urgency and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the USGS President challenging the protagonist's actions and decisions, creating a difficult and uncertain situation for the protagonist to navigate. The audience is left wondering how the protagonist will respond and overcome the obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with personal and professional reputations on the line. The decisions made and revelations uncovered have far-reaching consequences, impacting the characters and the organization as a whole.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information, escalating conflicts, and setting up future plot developments. It establishes new challenges and resolutions, driving the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected accusations and revelations that challenge the protagonist's actions and decisions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between following protocol and taking risks in crisis situations. The USGS President represents the conservative approach of adhering to rules and regulations, while Dan Miller advocates for flexibility and trust in his team's expertise.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, frustration, and uncertainty. The personal dynamics and high stakes contribute to the emotional depth of the scene, engaging the audience on a visceral level.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, impactful, and revealing. It effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters, driving the emotional core of the scene and highlighting the stakes involved.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional intensity, and sharp dialogue that drive the conflict and character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the confrontation and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing the conflict to unfold gradually and intensify. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the standard screenplay format for dialogue, scene description, and character actions. It enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and conflict through the dialogue and character interactions. It follows the expected format for a dramatic confrontation scene in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension and conflict within the USGS leadership, showcasing the pressure they face from higher authorities regarding their actions in the Philippines. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; the characters seem to state their positions rather than embody them. Adding layers to their dialogue could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The USGS President's character comes off as one-dimensional, primarily serving as an antagonist to Dan Miller and his team. To create a more nuanced character, consider giving him a personal stake in the situation or a backstory that explains his frustration. This could make his anger more relatable and less like a caricature of bureaucratic authority.
  • Dan Miller's retort to the President is a strong moment, but it feels somewhat abrupt. Building up to this confrontation with more tension in the preceding dialogue could enhance its impact. Perhaps showing Dan's internal struggle or hesitance before he speaks up would add depth to his character.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat uneven. The President's monologue is lengthy and could be trimmed to maintain the audience's engagement. Consider breaking it up with reactions from other characters to create a more dynamic exchange.
  • The setting of the conference room is visually described but lacks specific details that could enhance the atmosphere. Adding elements like the expressions of the other attendees or the physical layout of the room could help ground the scene and make it feel more immediate.
Suggestions
  • Introduce subtext in the dialogue by having characters imply their feelings rather than state them outright. This can create a more engaging and layered conversation.
  • Develop the USGS President's character by providing a backstory or personal stakes that explain his frustration, making him a more relatable antagonist.
  • Build tension leading up to Dan's confrontation with the President by showing his internal conflict or hesitance, which would make his eventual outburst more impactful.
  • Trim the President's monologue for brevity and intersperse it with reactions from other characters to maintain a dynamic flow and keep the audience engaged.
  • Enhance the setting description by including details about the characters' expressions and the physical environment of the conference room to create a more immersive experience.



Scene 48 -  Ashen Descent
EXT. MOUNT UNZEN - VALLEY - DAY

A MASSIVE VOLCANO CONTINUOUSLY PUMPS OUT ASH DOWN THE SIDE OF
ITS STEEP SLOPES.

SUPER: Mount Unzen - Nagasaki, Kyushu, Japan - June 3, 1991

From a distance, Harry Glicken (10 years older) watches the
PYROCLASTIC FLOW tumble down the side on Unzen. He looks over
his shoulder and sees MAURICE and KATIE KRAFFT setting up a
TRIPOD and CAMERA.

HARRY GLICKEN
Helluva show today!

Not far, stands a GROUP OF FORTY JAPANESE JOURNALISTS.

Another pyroclastic flow surges over the summit and and
journalists react with excitement.

Looking through BINOCULARS, Harry sees another surge but it
suddenly changes directions. It’s massive. The BINOCULARS
lower. He looks over at the journalists as they start to run
for their lives.

He sees Maurice Krafft take the camera off the TRIPOD but
Katia pulls Maurice away from the equipment. They both start
running now.


Harry watches the giant pyroclastic flow head straight toward
them. There is no escape. They cannot outrun it.

The ash surge moves as an unstoppable speed. It will hit them
in seconds.

The CROWD OF JOURNALISTS ARE CONSUMED IN THE ASH CLOUD.

MAURICE AND KATIE KRAFFT’S CAMERA MELTS AWAY.

Harry squints his eyes as darkness envelops him.

The entire valley where they all stood is now charred and
black.

CUT TO BLACK.


EXT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - DAY

A massive evacuation is underway. A parade of cars, transport
vehicles, civilian vehicles are slowly moving down the
street.

General Grime hugs his two daughters. His wife walks up to
him and gives him a hug and kiss. He then watches them enter
a vehicle.

Rick watches Colonel Studer pick up his son and hug him.
Colonel Studer guides his son into the same vehicle General
Grime’s family had just entered. It finally drives off.

Colonel Studer turns back and makes eye contact with Rick.

COLONEL STUDER
You got any kids?

Rick nods.

RICK HOBLITT
A daughter -- about his age.

COLONEL STUDER
Right now he’s the only thing that
matters to me. I’m putting a lot of
trust in you.

Chris looks over at Ray and Bayani who are watching the
parade of cars go by.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Make sure your team is nowhere near
this mountain.


Chris hands Bayani his truck keys.

CHRIS NEWHALL (CONT’D)
We don’t need two more lives in
danger.

Ray finally understands.

BAYANI
C’mon Ray. We’re monitor from
Quezon.

Ray shakes Chris’s hand.

RAY
Thank you for taking my call.

Bayani pats Ray on the back.

BAYANI
Thanks for making the call.

That gets Chris to smile and shake Bayani’s hand as well.

Ray and Bayani walk to Bayani’s truck. They drive off.

Suddenly, Lockhart rushes out of the Maryland St. house.

LOCKHART
There was an incident at Unzen!
Katia and Maurice Krafft are
missing! Harry Glicken was with
them too.
Genres: ["Drama","Disaster"]

Summary At Mount Unzen, Harry Glicken witnesses a massive pyroclastic flow while Maurice and Katie Krafft set up their camera. As excitement turns to panic, the journalists and the Kraffts scramble to escape the deadly surge that unexpectedly changes direction. Despite their frantic efforts, the flow engulfs the crowd, leaving Harry in darkness as the valley is consumed by ash.
Strengths
  • High emotional impact
  • Intense conflict
  • Urgent tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Minimal dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and emotional impact of a volcanic eruption, keeping the audience engaged with its tense and tragic tone. The urgency and devastation portrayed contribute to a powerful and memorable sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing the devastating effects of a volcanic eruption is well-executed, capturing the danger and unpredictability of natural disasters. The scene effectively conveys the power of nature and the vulnerability of humanity.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the immediate aftermath of the eruption, highlighting the characters' reactions and the escalating danger. It sets the stage for further developments and challenges for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a unique and fresh approach to the disaster genre, focusing on the dangers of volcanic eruptions and the sacrifices made in the pursuit of scientific knowledge. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

While the focus is more on the event of the eruption than individual character development, the reactions and actions of the characters in the face of danger add depth to their personalities. The scene sets up potential growth and challenges for the characters.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes within the scene, the events set the stage for potential growth and transformation as the characters navigate the aftermath of the eruption.

Internal Goal: 8

Harry Glicken's internal goal is likely survival and possibly guilt for being unable to save the journalists and his colleagues. This reflects his deeper need for safety and the desire to protect others.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is likely to survive the volcanic eruption and potentially find his missing colleagues. This reflects the immediate challenge of escaping the dangerous situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and immediate, as the characters face the life-threatening consequences of the volcanic eruption. The urgency and danger create a high level of conflict that drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and uncertain outcomes. The audience is left wondering how they will overcome the volcanic eruption and its aftermath.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, as the characters face life-threatening danger and devastation from the volcanic eruption. The urgency and intensity of the situation heighten the stakes and create a sense of imminent peril.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by showcasing the immediate consequences of the eruption and setting up new challenges and conflicts for the characters. It propels the narrative towards further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden change in the direction of the pyroclastic flow and the unexpected consequences for the characters. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene could be the balance between scientific curiosity and personal safety. The characters' pursuit of knowledge about volcanoes puts them in direct danger, raising questions about the value of scientific exploration versus personal risk.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, fear, and shock as the characters face the devastating effects of the eruption. The tragedy and helplessness portrayed resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but impactful, conveying urgency and fear in the face of the eruption. The characters' interactions and reactions enhance the tension and emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and emotional resonance. The imminent danger and the characters' reactions keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, with a gradual build-up of tension, a climactic moment of danger, and a swift resolution. The rhythm of the scene enhances its effectiveness and impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene headings, concise action lines, and impactful dialogue. It adheres to the expected format for a disaster/action genre screenplay.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and suspense as the volcanic eruption unfolds. The formatting effectively conveys the urgency and danger of the situation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing the excitement of the journalists with the impending danger of the pyroclastic flow. However, the pacing could be improved; the transition from the initial excitement to the realization of danger feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up could enhance the suspense.
  • The dialogue is minimal, which works well in creating a sense of urgency and realism. However, adding a line or two that reflects Harry's internal thoughts or fears could deepen the emotional impact of the scene, allowing the audience to connect more with his character.
  • The visuals are strong, particularly the imagery of the pyroclastic flow and the chaos among the journalists. However, the description of the pyroclastic flow changing direction could be clearer. Instead of just stating that it changes direction, consider describing the moment in more detail to heighten the shock and urgency.
  • The scene ends on a powerful note with darkness enveloping Harry, but it might benefit from a brief moment of reflection or a flashback to Harry's past experiences with volcanic eruptions. This could provide context for his character and heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The transition to Clark Air Base is somewhat jarring. While it serves to show the aftermath of the eruption, a smoother transition could help maintain the emotional weight of the previous scene. Consider using a visual or auditory cue that links the two locations more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Harry expresses his excitement or fear about the eruption before the chaos ensues. This could help the audience connect with him on a deeper level.
  • Enhance the description of the pyroclastic flow's change in direction to create a more vivid and shocking moment. Use sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Incorporate a brief flashback or internal monologue for Harry that reflects on his past experiences with volcanoes, which could add depth to his character and the stakes of the situation.
  • Smooth the transition to Clark Air Base by incorporating a visual or auditory element that connects the two scenes, such as the sound of the eruption echoing in the distance as the evacuation begins.
  • Consider adding a line of dialogue from one of the journalists that captures the excitement before the danger, which could serve as a stark contrast to the ensuing chaos and enhance the emotional impact.



Scene 49 -  Eruption of Tension
INT. USGS HEADQUARTERS - DAN'S OFFICE - LATER

A glass of whiskey is poured into a glass.

Dan is sitting at his desk looking at the heavy pour holding
a PHONE.

DAN MILLER
I know you’re making the right
call.


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - HALLWAY - SAME TIME

Rick holds the PHONE, relieved to hear that.

INTERCUT - TELEPHONE CONVERSATION


RICK HOBLITT
(jokingly)
Why did you have to talk me into
dropping out of chemistry?

DAN MILLER
You needed to get out of the lab.

A few tears well up in Rick’s eyes.

RICK HOBLITT
Nothing has changed since St.
Helens has it? Science is the truth
until it’s an inconvenience.

DAN MILLER
All we can can hope for is someone
willing to believe us.

RICK HOBLITT
You believed in Chris.

DAN MILLER
They believed in you.

Rick lowers his head and closes his eyes as more tears drop
from them.

RICK HOBLITT
(crying)
And here I am -- playing with
another loaded volcano... And I’ve
just lost three more friends.

Dan has nothing else to add. He takes a sip of his drink.


EXT. CLARK AIR BASE - EVENING

SERIES OF SHOTS - CLARK AIR BASE AFTER EVACUATION:

1. THE STREETS ARE EMPTY

2. BASKIN ROBBINS AND PIZZA HUT HAVE “CLOSED SIGNS”

3. THE AIRFIELD IS EMPTY

4. ONLY A FEW ARMED GUARDS ARE ON PATROL

5. THE MOVIE THEATER SIGN READS “NEXT SHOW ‘LAST DAYS OF

POMPEII’ AND NEXT TO THAT IS ‘FATHERS DAY BRUNCH’

6. IN THE DISTANCE, MOUNT PINATUBO CONTINUES TO SHOOT OUT ASH


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Only a single monitor remains on and one SEISMOMETER DRUM
next to it.

SUPER: June 12, 1991 3:30AM


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Lockhart stumbles out of one of the bedrooms. He slowly walks
toward the bathroom and enters, shutting the door behind him.
The toilet finally flushes.

The door opens and Lockhart slowly walks toward the sound of
an ACTIVE SEISMOGRAPH DRUM

IN THE LIVING ROOM - Lockhart wipes his eyes and sees the
SEISMOGRAPH DRUM showing intense activity. His eyes widen.

LOCKHART
Holy shit! Holy shit!

Rick, Chris, Dave, Colonel Studer and General Grime rush into
the living room and Ewert rushes to her MONITOR.

INSERT - COMPUTER MONITOR, which shows: INFRARED VIDEO OF A
MASSIVE ASH CLOUD SHOOTING ABOVE PINATUBO

BACK TO LIVING ROOM - Ewert looks over at the group.

EWERT
Ash cloud at thirty-thousand feet
and volcanic lightning!

Lockhart sees a few MONITORING STATIONS go offline.

LOCKHART
We lost the signal on a few
stations!

Rick rushes to the window. He opens it quickly. He can see
the VOLCANIC LIGHTNING ILLUMINATING THE SKY ABOVE PINATUBO.
THERE IS A DISTANT RUMBLE HEARD.

RICK HOBLITT
I know that smell.
(turning toward the group)
Pinatubo has ejected it’s first
pyroclastic flow.

FADE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, Dan Miller comforts Rick Hoblitt over the phone as Rick grapples with grief and the dangers of their volcanology work. The setting shifts to Clark Air Base, revealing the aftermath of an evacuation. Lockhart discovers alarming seismic activity, prompting urgent reactions from the group as they witness the eruption of Mount Pinatubo. The emotional weight of recent losses and the imminent volcanic threat culminates in Rick's realization of the eruption's severity, marked by the smell of pyroclastic flow.
Strengths
  • Intense tension building
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • High stakes and urgency
  • Impactful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations
  • Limited exploration of certain character dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency through the impending eruption, emotional character interactions, and high stakes. The dialogue is impactful and conveys the characters' emotions well, while the conflict between scientific beliefs and practical decisions adds depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of impending disaster and the conflict between scientific beliefs and practical decisions are well-developed in the scene. The focus on the volcanic activity and its consequences adds depth to the overall concept.

Plot: 9.2

The plot is engaging and moves forward effectively with the setup of the imminent eruption and the emotional turmoil of the characters. The scene contributes significantly to the overall story progression.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the disaster genre by focusing on the scientific and personal aspects of a volcanic eruption, rather than just the physical destruction. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed effectively, adding depth to the scene. The interactions between the characters showcase their relationships and internal struggles.

Character Changes: 9

The characters experience emotional turmoil and realization of the gravity of the situation, leading to some internal changes. The scene sets up potential character arcs for future development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain belief in the truth of science and the importance of their work despite the personal and professional challenges they face. This reflects their deeper desire for validation and recognition of their expertise.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to accurately predict and respond to the volcanic eruption to save lives and prevent further destruction. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they're facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between scientific beliefs and practical decisions, as well as the urgency of the impending eruption, creates a high level of tension and drama in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a life-threatening volcanic eruption and the challenge of predicting and responding to the disaster. The audience is kept in suspense about the outcome.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in the scene due to the impending eruption and the characters' personal connections to the situation. The urgency and potential consequences raise the stakes to a critical level.

Story Forward: 10

The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up the imminent eruption, showcasing the emotional impact on the characters, and escalating the stakes. It propels the narrative towards a critical point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected developments in the volcanic eruption and the characters' reactions to the escalating crisis. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the tension between scientific truth and societal belief, as well as the personal sacrifices made in pursuit of scientific discovery. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the value of their work and the impact it can have on the world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the characters' despair, sadness, and desperation in the face of the impending disaster. The emotional depth adds to the intensity of the scene.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is impactful and conveys the emotions and conflicts of the characters effectively. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the overall tension and urgency.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional depth, and suspenseful pacing. The dialogue and actions of the characters draw the audience in and create a sense of urgency.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the standard screenplay format for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions. It enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively intercuts between different locations to build suspense and convey the urgency of the situation. It follows the expected format for a disaster genre scene.


Critique
  • The emotional weight of Rick's character is effectively conveyed through his dialogue and the intercutting with Dan. However, the scene could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the emotional impact. For instance, showing Rick's surroundings or his physical state could deepen the audience's connection to his grief.
  • The transition from the phone conversation to the series of shots at Clark Air Base feels abrupt. While the montage effectively conveys the aftermath of the evacuation, it could be more seamlessly integrated with the emotional tone of the previous conversation. A smoother transition could enhance the narrative flow.
  • The dialogue between Dan and Rick is poignant, but it could be strengthened by incorporating more specific references to their shared history or experiences. This would provide greater context for their emotional exchange and make their bond feel more tangible.
  • The use of humor in Rick's line about chemistry adds a nice touch of levity, but it might feel out of place given the gravity of the situation. Balancing humor with the overall tone of despair could be challenging, and careful consideration should be given to ensure it doesn't undermine the emotional stakes.
  • The visual elements in the series of shots are effective in establishing the desolation of Clark Air Base, but they could be enhanced with more dynamic camera movements or angles. For example, a slow pan across the empty streets or a close-up of the closed signs could evoke a stronger sense of loss and urgency.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual storytelling elements to Rick's emotional state, such as close-ups of his face or the environment around him, to enhance the audience's connection to his grief.
  • Create a smoother transition between the phone conversation and the montage of Clark Air Base by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that links the two scenes, such as the sound of the phone call fading into the silence of the empty streets.
  • Incorporate specific memories or references in the dialogue between Dan and Rick that highlight their shared experiences, making their emotional exchange feel more grounded and relatable.
  • Evaluate the placement of humor in Rick's dialogue to ensure it aligns with the overall tone of the scene. If humor is included, consider using it sparingly to maintain the emotional weight of the moment.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling in the montage by using varied camera angles and movements to create a more immersive experience, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the evacuation's aftermath.



Scene 50 -  Tension at Clark Air Base
INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - LIVING ROOM - EVENING

A PEN CONTINUES TO SLASH ACROSS THE SEISMOMETER DRUM.

Everyone is sitting around the room waiting anxiously.

SUPER: June 13, 1991 - 9:00PM

Rick stares at the SEISMOMETER DRUM longingly.

RICK HOBLITT
The drums are still beating.

Lockhart walks over to Dave and holds out a HAT.

LOCKHART
Are you in?

Dave nods and drops a $1 into the hat where multiple dollar
bills are piled inside.

LOCKHART (CONT’D)
What time?

DAVE HARLOW
Put me down for 9:30pm.

Lockhart writes on a notepad: “Dave - 9:30pm”

General Grime walks over with curiosity and slight confusion.

GENERAL GRIME
What the hell is this?

LOCKHART
Eruption pool -- Pick a fifteen
minute window for the cataclysmic
event.

GENERAL GRIME
You’re telling me what happened
yesterday wasn’t the big one?

Rick overhears General Grime.

RICK HOBLITT
No -- not yet.

GENERAL GRIME
I don’t understand. How long does
it take?


RICK HOBLITT
Volcanoes don’t move from dormancy
to catastrophe in a straight line,
General. It’s often a roller-
coaster. It’ll rev up, then back
down, then rev up again. We’re
riding the tiger now.

Colonel Studer joins in.

COLONEL STUDER
Will there be a warning before it
happens?

Everyone now looks at Rick. They know he was involved at St.
Helens so this one hits close to home.

RICK HOBLITT
After St. Helens collapsed, it led
to an explosive decompression from
the subterranean cryptodome. If
Pinatubo continues to expand, a
cataclysmic eruption is imminent.

Lockhart opens an MRE (Meals Ready to Eat) and pulls out a
packet of grape jelly.

GENERAL GRIME
Can it reach Clark?

RICK HOBLITT
There’s a chance it falls short.

GENERAL GRIME
-But it’s possible?

RICK HOBLITT
If Pinatubo were to match its
biggest eruption in its history --

Lockhart slaps the packet of grape jelly in General Grime’s
hand.

General Grime looks at it in his palm in confusion.

LOCKHART
You better put that jelly in your
pocket, because if we have a worst-
case eruption, we’re all toast.

Colonel Studer drops $1 into the hat.

COLONEL STUDER
Put me down for 10pm.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a living room at Clark Air Base, a group anxiously awaits the potential eruption of Mount Pinatubo. Rick Hoblitt monitors the seismometer, warning of the unpredictable volcanic activity, while Lockhart lightens the mood with a betting pool and humor. General Grime seeks clarity on the situation, reflecting the group's tension, as Colonel Studer also joins the betting. The scene captures the mix of urgency and dark humor as they confront the looming threat of disaster.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Informative dialogue
  • Clear establishment of stakes
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of significant emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up the imminent danger of a volcanic eruption. The dialogue is informative and engaging, and the stakes are clearly established.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of predicting the time of a volcanic eruption through an 'eruption pool' is unique and adds an element of suspense. The detailed explanation of the volcano's behavior adds depth to the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses effectively by revealing the imminent danger of the volcano and the characters' reactions to it. The scene sets up a crucial turning point in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a unique situation of characters preparing for a volcanic eruption, with a mix of technical details and personal interactions. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions reflect their knowledge and expertise.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions effectively convey the tension and urgency of the situation. Each character's role in the scene is well-defined.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' reactions and decisions reflect their growing understanding of the situation and the increasing danger.

Internal Goal: 8

Rick's internal goal is to convey his knowledge and expertise about volcanic eruptions to the other characters. This reflects his desire to be seen as an authority figure and to protect those around him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to prepare for the potential cataclysmic eruption of the volcano and to inform the others about the risks involved.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene arises from the characters' attempts to understand and predict the volcano's behavior, as well as the high stakes of a potential eruption reaching Clark Air Base.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with General Grime's skepticism and the characters' differing beliefs creating conflict and tension. The uncertainty of the volcano eruption adds to the opposition.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of a potential volcanic eruption reaching Clark Air Base create a sense of urgency and danger in the scene. The characters' lives and the safety of the base are at risk.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing the imminent threat of the volcano and the characters' attempts to predict and prepare for the eruption. It sets up a crucial turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain outcome of the volcano eruption and the characters' differing beliefs and reactions to the situation. The audience is kept guessing about what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing beliefs about the nature of volcanic eruptions and the level of danger they pose. General Grime is skeptical, while Rick and Lockhart are more cautious and prepared.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes anxiety and concern in the audience as the characters grapple with the imminent threat of a volcanic eruption. The sense of determination adds emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is informative, engaging, and realistic. It effectively conveys the technical aspects of the volcanic activity while maintaining the tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, suspenseful atmosphere, and dynamic interactions between the characters. The sense of impending disaster keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and uncertainty. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and conflict, leading to a climax of uncertainty and fear. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and urgency as the characters await the potential eruption of Mount Pinatubo. The use of the seismometer drum as a visual and auditory cue enhances the atmosphere of anxiety and anticipation.
  • The dialogue is engaging and informative, particularly Rick's explanation of volcanic behavior. However, it could benefit from more emotional depth. The stakes are high, but the characters' emotional responses to the impending disaster could be more pronounced to heighten the tension.
  • Lockhart's introduction of the betting pool adds a layer of dark humor, which contrasts well with the serious subject matter. However, it may come off as inappropriate given the gravity of the situation. Balancing humor with the seriousness of the impending disaster is crucial.
  • General Grime's confusion about the situation serves to highlight the complexity of volcanic activity, but his character could be developed further. Providing more background on his perspective or personal stakes in the situation could enhance audience investment.
  • The scene transitions smoothly from the previous one, maintaining continuity in the narrative. However, the pacing could be adjusted; some moments feel rushed, particularly when introducing the betting pool. Allowing for a brief pause after significant lines could enhance dramatic impact.
  • The visual of the grape jelly packet is a clever metaphor for the absurdity of the situation, but it may need clearer context. The audience might benefit from a brief explanation of its significance to ensure the metaphor lands effectively.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or emotional reactions from Rick and the other characters to deepen the audience's connection to their fears and anxieties about the eruption.
  • Balance the humor introduced by the betting pool with the seriousness of the situation. Perhaps include a moment where a character expresses discomfort with the betting, reinforcing the gravity of their circumstances.
  • Expand on General Grime's character by providing a line or two that reveals his personal stakes or fears regarding the eruption, making him more relatable and enhancing the tension.
  • Slow down the pacing slightly during key moments, allowing characters to react more fully to the information being shared. This can help build suspense and give the audience time to absorb the stakes.
  • Clarify the metaphor of the grape jelly packet by either providing a brief explanation or a more explicit connection to the situation, ensuring that the audience understands its significance.



Scene 51 -  Tensions Rise at Clark Air Base
INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - LIVING ROOM - MORNING

The hat holds a pile of dollar bills now as Maryland St.
shakes and rattles from the frequent earthquakes.

SUPER: June 14, 1991 - 8:40AM

Lockhart is looking at his MONITOR.

LOCKHART
Goddamnit! We just lost the
repeater signal!

Ewert looks at her MONITOR then out the window.

EWERT
The whole seismic net is down.

INSERT - TELEVISION, which shows: WEATHER RADAR OF A MASSIVE
STORM MOVING TOWARDS THE PHILIPPINES

BACK TO LIVING ROOM - Ewert increases the volume.

EWERT (CONT’D)
This is a nice wrinkle.

Dave walks over to the TV to see for himself.

DAVE HARLOW
If this storm intercept Pinatubo --

He looks over at Chris.

CHRIS NEWHALL
These roofs won’t hold-

Rick looks up from the table.

RICK HOBLITT
-And it only gives us a small
window to take a flight-line out to
fix the signal.

CHRIS NEWHALL
You’re not going out there, Rick.
If Pinatubo collapses it will send
out a pyroclastic flow in all
directions.

RICK HOBLITT
Right now we can’t monitor
anything.

Dave is clearly aggravated at the entire situation.


DAVE HARLOW
Chris is right, Rick. It’s a
suicide mission. And for what?

RICK HOBLITT
David, Harry, the Kraffts -- they
would say it was worth it-

DAVE HARLOW
-And look what happened to them.

CHRIS NEWHALL
We can’t rule out a caldera forming
eruption either -- Clark wouldn’t
survive that.

RICK HOBLITT
Which is why we need to keep
monitoring it! We’ll have no
warning!

Everyone gets quiet.

Ewert is still transfixed on the TELEVISION WEATHER REPORT.

EWERT
If we’re going to do it we have to
do it now.

General Grime looks over at Dave.

GENERAL GRIME
Should we move off base?

DAVE HARLOW
Yes.

Colonel Studer stands up.

COLONEL STUDER
I’m staying as long as they’re
staying.

General Grime is surprised.

GENERAL GRIME
Well, I’m not letting you go down
with the ship alone.

Colonel Studer looks at Rick.


COLONEL STUDER
I’m going with you. I wouldn’t risk
putting one of my pilots out there
if it wasn’t safe enough for me.

In the corner of the room, the Clark Air Base Pilot is
sitting alone, clearly not enthusiastic about the situation.

CLARK AIR BASE PILOT
It’s not safe for anyone --

Everyone seems to ignore the pilot.

Lockhart hops up as does Ewert.

LOCKHART
I’m going.

EWERT
Me too.

Dave steps in front of them both.

DAVE HARLOW
No you’re not.

LOCKHART
I know these instruments better
than anyone.

EWERT
We’re in this together.

DAVE HARLOW
You both have your whole career
ahead of you-

LOCKHART
-And what about yours?

DAVE HARLOW
I never had one.

Ewert and Lockhart come to terms with it. They know Dave
won’t allow it.

Dave looks at Rick. He takes a deep breath.

Chris looks at Rick and then Dave.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Good luck.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the living room of Clark Air Base, the team grapples with the aftermath of frequent earthquakes and the loss of a seismic repeater signal. Lockhart and Ewert express frustration over the signal loss and are determined to monitor the volcano despite the dangers posed by an approaching storm. Rick advocates for the mission, while Dave argues against risking lives for a potentially futile endeavor. Colonel Studer chooses to support Rick, leading to a standoff as Dave tries to protect Lockhart and Ewert. The scene concludes with Chris wishing Rick good luck as they face a critical decision about the dangerous mission ahead.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
  • Realistic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively builds tension and urgency, showcasing the characters' internal conflicts and the high stakes involved. The dialogue is impactful and drives the plot forward, setting the stage for significant developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of facing a critical decision in the midst of escalating danger is compelling and drives the scene forward. The scene effectively explores the characters' motivations and the risks they are willing to take.

Plot: 8.7

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with the characters grappling with a crucial decision that will have far-reaching consequences. The tension and stakes are heightened, setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique setting with a combination of natural disasters and human conflict, creating a fresh and engaging scenario. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with their conflicting emotions and motivations driving the narrative forward. Each character's perspective adds depth to the decision-making process, enhancing the overall impact.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their perspectives and decisions, reflecting the evolving nature of the situation and their personal growth. The decision-making process challenges their beliefs and values.

Internal Goal: 8

Lockhart's internal goal is to prove his worth and expertise in handling the instruments and monitoring the seismic activity. He wants to show that he is capable and valuable to the team.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to fix the repeater signal and monitor the volcanic activity to ensure the safety of the base and its inhabitants.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.7

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with the characters facing internal and external challenges that heighten the tension and urgency. The decision at hand creates a sense of impending danger and high stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult decisions and conflicting viewpoints that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and a critical decision that will impact their lives and the safety of others. The urgency and danger add intensity to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a critical decision that will have lasting consequences. The characters' actions and choices set the stage for future developments and conflicts.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting decisions and the uncertain outcome of their actions in the face of a natural disaster.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the value of risking one's life for the greater good. Some characters believe it is worth taking the risk to monitor the volcanic activity, while others are more cautious and prioritize safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety and concern to determination and resignation. The characters' struggles and sacrifices resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.8

The dialogue is impactful and realistic, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and the urgency of the situation. The exchanges between the characters drive the scene forward and reveal their internal conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, conflicting viewpoints, and intense dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the characters' decisions and the outcome of the situation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and character interactions that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear character interactions and escalating tension, fitting the expected format for a high-stakes drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the characters' urgent discussions about the impending storm and its potential impact on Mount Pinatubo. However, the dialogue can feel somewhat expository, as characters reiterate information that the audience may already understand. This could be streamlined to maintain a more natural flow.
  • The stakes are clear, but the emotional weight of the situation could be enhanced. While Rick's passion for monitoring the volcano is evident, the scene lacks deeper emotional resonance regarding the loss of his colleagues. Adding a moment of vulnerability or reflection could strengthen the audience's connection to Rick's motivations.
  • The conflict between Rick and Dave is compelling, but it could benefit from more dramatic tension. The stakes of their disagreement could be heightened by showing the consequences of their choices more vividly, perhaps through flashbacks or a brief moment of silence that reflects on the past losses.
  • The introduction of the Clark Air Base Pilot feels somewhat underdeveloped. His skepticism about the safety of the mission could be expanded to provide a contrasting viewpoint that adds depth to the discussion. This could also serve to heighten the tension among the main characters.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be improved by varying the rhythm of the dialogue. Some lines could be delivered more quickly to reflect urgency, while others could be slowed down to emphasize the gravity of the situation. This would create a more dynamic and engaging scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider incorporating a brief flashback or a moment of silence that reflects on the loss of David, Harry, and the Kraffts to deepen the emotional stakes for Rick and the team.
  • Streamline the dialogue to avoid redundancy and ensure that each line serves to advance the plot or develop character relationships. Focus on showing rather than telling.
  • Develop the Clark Air Base Pilot's character further by giving him a more defined perspective on the situation, which could create additional tension and conflict within the group.
  • Introduce a moment where Rick expresses his fears or doubts about the mission, allowing the audience to connect with his internal struggle and the weight of his decision-making.
  • Vary the pacing of the dialogue to reflect the urgency of the situation, using quicker exchanges during moments of panic and slower, more deliberate dialogue when characters are reflecting on their choices.



Scene 52 -  Race Against Eruption
INT. MOUNT PINATUBO - HELICOPTER - LATER

Dave is holding some kind of DUCT-TAPED ELECTRONIC.

A GIANT MUSHROOM CLOUD OF ASH IS FUMING FROM THE SUMMIT OF
PINATUBO.

TO THE WEST - A MASSIVE TYPHOON STORM SYSTEM MOVES IN FROM
THE HORIZON.

IN THE COCKPIT - The pilot looks up and can’t even see the
top of the ash cloud at 80,000 feet. He looks down at his
FUEL GAUGE - ALMOST EMPTY.

BACK IN THE HULL - Rick leans out, peering into the crater.

A long streak of PINK LIGHTNING COMES CLOSE TO THE
HELICOPTER.

Colonel Studer jumps back.

IN THE COCKPIT - The Pilot holds the pitch control tight as
he turns the helicopter.

BACK IN THE HULL - A big gust of wind turns the helicopter on
its side for a second and Dave, Rick, and Colonel Studer grab
into the side mounted handles. At that moment the gust of
wind clears a window in the ash.

The CRYPTODOME is visible.

RICK HOBLITT
Oh my God. It’s massive.

DAVE HARLOW
Let’s get this signal fixed and get
the hell out of here.


INT. MOUNT PINATUBO - HELICOPTER COCKPIT - MOMENTS LATER

The helicopter is sitting on the grassland while the engine
remains on and the rotors continue to spin.

The pilot looks at the FUEL GAUGE again. ALMOST EMPTY. He
looks up and sees Rick, Dave, and Colonel Studer near a
GENERATOR and SEISMOMETER.

CLARK AIR BASE GUARD
We’re running on empty here!


EXT. MOUNT PINATUBO - VALLEY - CONTINUOUS

Colonel Studer holds his THUMB UP and acknowledge the pilot
from a distance.

COLONEL STUDER
Let’s wrap this up!

Dave rigs the ELECTRONIC DEVICE on the GENERATOR. He SWITCHES
IT ON. THE GREEN LIGHT TURNS ON.

He holds up the RADIO.

DAVE HARLOW
(to the RADIO)
Let me know when you have a signal,
over!

There is STATIC on the RADIO.

Rick keeps his eye trained on the RUMBLING MOUNT PINATUBO.

COLONEL STUDER
It’s time to go!

Dave tries the RADIO again.

DAVE HARLOW
(to the RADIO)
PVO, do you read me, over?

STATIC ONLY. Dave turns to face Rick.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
What the hell do we do?

CLARK AIR BASE PILOT (O.S.)
We won’t have enough fuel to get
back to clark!

COLONEL STUDER
We’re going now!

Dave continues to look at Rick.

DAVE HARLOW
Rick?

THE RADIO SIGNAL BECOMES CLEAR.

EWERT (O.S.)
Dave, come in, over -- we have --
(STATIC)
Signal -- We have --
(MORE)
EWERT (O.S.) (CONT'D)
(STATIC)
We have good signal! I repeat, we
have signal!

COLONEL STUDER
Move! Move! Move!

Dave, Chris, and Colonel Studer quickly board the helicopter.
It rises fast.


INT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - HELICOPTER - CONTINUOUS

The BOLT OF GREEN AND BLUE LIGHTNING FLASHES BY. It HITS THE
TAIL ROTOR.

The HELICOPTER loses control and DAVE FALLS OUT OF THE SIDE
but rick and Colonel Studer’s hands grab Dave’s shirt. They
pull him back in.

IN THE COCKPIT - INSTRUMENTS ARE GOING CRAZY. THE FUEL GAUGE
IS EMPTY NOW

CLARK AIR BASE GUARD
I gotta set her down!

BACK IN THE HULL - Dave catches his breath.

The distance between their current position and Clark Air
Base is a few miles at least.

Rick spots it. The FILIPINO GUERILLA’S PICKUP TRUCK.


EXT. MOUNT PINATUBO - VALLEY - MOMENTS LATER

The helicopter slowly lowers.

Rick, Dave, and Colonel Studer exit quickly as the pilot
opens his SIDE HATCH and exits. All four men rush to the
PICKUP TRUCK.

BOOM!

The men are thrown to the ground by a massive shockwave.

Rick slowly composes himself and turns to look at Mount
Pinatubo with his ears still RINGING. A MASSIVE CATACLYSMIC
EXPLOSION ERUPTS FROM MOUNT PINATUBO HAS BEGUN. ASH SHOOTS
80,000 FEET IN THE AIR IN SECONDS AS THE GROUND SHAKES AROUND
THEM.

Rick is pulled up to his feet by Dave. Colonel Studer and the
Clark Air Base Pilot are already next to the PICKUP TRUCK.
Genres: ["Action","Adventure","Drama"]

Summary In a tense scene above Mount Pinatubo, Dave struggles to fix a signal device as a massive ash cloud looms and a typhoon approaches. With the helicopter's fuel running low, the pilot expresses concern while Rick spots the Cryptodome. After establishing a radio signal, chaos ensues when lightning strikes, causing the helicopter to lose control. Just as they manage to land, a massive explosion from the volcano erupts, throwing the team to the ground as they scramble for safety.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • High emotional impact
  • Compelling character interactions
  • Tension-filled dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
  • Some cliched elements in the action sequences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, urgency, and dramatic events that keep the audience on the edge of their seats. The impending eruption, the struggle for survival, and the fast-paced action contribute to a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a volcanic eruption and the characters' desperate attempts to escape the disaster is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and the imminent threat faced by the characters.

Plot: 9.2

The plot is driven by the escalating tension, the impending eruption, and the characters' struggle for survival. The scene moves the story forward significantly and sets the stage for the climax of the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a high-stakes situation involving a volcanic eruption and a helicopter escape, with authentic character actions and dialogue that enhance the tension and suspense.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' reactions, decisions, and interactions in the face of imminent danger are well-developed and add depth to the scene. Their emotions and motivations are effectively portrayed, enhancing the overall impact.

Character Changes: 9

While there is not a significant character arc in this particular scene, the characters' reactions and decisions under extreme pressure showcase their resilience, bravery, and determination, hinting at potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Dave's internal goal is to fix the signal and get out of the dangerous situation as quickly as possible, reflecting his desire for survival and safety.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to fix the signal and escape the impending volcanic eruption, reflecting the immediate challenge they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with characters facing imminent danger, making life-or-death decisions, and struggling to survive in the face of a catastrophic eruption. The tension is palpable throughout.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing multiple obstacles and challenges that threaten their safety and mission success.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with characters facing imminent death, a catastrophic eruption, and the need to make critical decisions under intense pressure. The survival of the characters and the impact of the eruption add to the high stakes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up the climax of the narrative, escalating the conflict, and placing the characters in a dire situation that will have lasting consequences. It propels the plot towards its resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected events, such as the lightning strike and the helicopter losing control, that keep the audience guessing about the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the characters' struggle between risking their lives to fix the signal and escape or abandoning the mission to prioritize their safety. This challenges their beliefs about duty and survival.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and empathy for the characters' plight. The sense of desperation and the impending disaster create a strong emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is intense, realistic, and impactful, reflecting the characters' fear, desperation, and determination. It effectively conveys the urgency of the situation and adds to the overall tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and suspenseful atmosphere that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with a fast-paced rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' plight.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense through the characters' actions and the unfolding events.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension with the impending eruption of Mount Pinatubo and the approaching typhoon, creating a sense of urgency. However, the stakes could be heightened further by emphasizing the emotional weight of the characters' situation, particularly Rick's and Dave's fears and motivations as they face the potential disaster.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. For instance, Dave's line, 'What the hell do we do?' could be more impactful if it conveyed his desperation or fear more vividly. Consider adding internal conflict or backstory to enrich their dialogue and make the audience more invested in their fates.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, particularly the imagery of the ash cloud and the lightning, but they could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. For example, describing the sounds of the helicopter struggling against the wind or the acrid smell of ash could immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, especially during the transition from the helicopter's technical issues to the eruption. Slowing down the moment when the characters realize the eruption is imminent could amplify the tension and allow for a more dramatic buildup.
  • The character dynamics could be explored more deeply. For instance, the relationship between Rick and Dave could be highlighted through their interactions, showcasing their camaraderie or tension in the face of danger. This would add layers to their characters and make the audience care more about their survival.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more emotional dialogue that reflects the characters' fears and motivations, allowing the audience to connect with them on a deeper level.
  • Add sensory details to the scene to create a more immersive experience, such as sounds, smells, and tactile sensations that the characters are experiencing.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing during critical moments, particularly when the eruption is imminent, to build suspense and allow the audience to feel the weight of the situation.
  • Explore the relationships between characters more thoroughly, perhaps through brief flashbacks or dialogue that reveals their history and stakes in the current crisis.
  • Use visual metaphors or symbolism to enhance the themes of the scene, such as the ash cloud representing impending doom or the lightning symbolizing the chaos of nature.



Scene 53 -  Race Against the Flow
INT. MOUNT PINATUBO - VALLEY - PICKUP TRUCK - CONTINUOUS

Dave hops in. Keys are in the transmission. He turns it.
Nothing.

DAVE HARLOW
The Tiltmeter! Grab the battery!


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME

Chris is looking out the window. Holding the RADIO. He sees
the giant column of ash rising.

CHRIS NEWHALL
It’s the big one --

Ewert looks out of the window now.

EWERT
I don’t see the helicopter --

Ewert grabs her RADIO.

EWERT (CONT’D)
(to the radio)
Can you read me, over!

DAVE HARLOW (O.S.)
(static)
We ran out of fuel!

Lockhart looks at Ewert in fear.


INT. MOUNT PINATUBO - VALLEY - PICKUP TRUCK - SAME TIME

Dave pulls the RADIO up close.

Rick is waving for Dave’s attention through the windshield.

Rick points behind Dave, motioning to turn his head. Dave
looks in the rear view mirror and sees the MASSIVE

PYROCLASTIC FLOW SURGING OVER THE CRATER, DOWN MOUNT
PINATUBO, AND HEADED STRAIGHT TOWARD THEM.

DAVE HARLOW
(to the radio)
We gotta get this car started!

Dave quickly pops the hood open and exits the vehicle.


EXT. MOUNT PINATUBO - VALLEY - CONTINUOUS

Rick opens the hood. No battery.

Rick rushes to the tiltmeter.

Colonel Studer and the pilot are watching this MASSIVE
BURNING CLOUD OF ASH get closer to their location.

COLONEL STUDER
I don’t think we have a lot time!

CLARK AIR BASE PILOT
Dear god --

Rick rips the CAR BATTERY out of the TILTMETER. He rushes
over to Dave.

He hands it to Dave. Dave forces the battery into place as
Rick quickly attaches the positive and negative wires.

Rick jumps in the driver’s seat.


INT. MOUNT PINATUBO - VALLEY - PICKUP TRUCK - CONTINUOUS

Rick STARTS THE ENGINE. The Clark Air Base pilot jumps in the
middle seat and Colonel Studer jumps in the passenger seat.

Dave looks at them through the window. There is no backseat.
He decides to jump in the truck bed. He slaps his hand
against the window.

DAVE HARLOW
Drive!

Rick steps on the gas.

THE PYROCLASTIC SURGES TOWARD THEM AT TREMENDOUS SPEEDS.


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME

STATIONS BEGIN TO DISAPPEAR ON THE MONITOR in a pattern that
follows the pyroclastic flow’s movement.

CHRIS NEWHALL
They’re dropping -- Pyroclastic
surge -- They won’t outrun it.

Chris looks out the rattling window with great concern.
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene set in the valley of Mount Pinatubo, Dave struggles to start a pickup truck as a massive pyroclastic flow approaches. He instructs Rick to retrieve a battery from the tiltmeter, and they work frantically to install it. Meanwhile, Chris and Ewert at Clark Air Base monitor the dangerous situation. Just in time, Rick starts the truck, and they escape with Dave in the bed as the flow surges toward them.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • High stakes
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, well-paced, and filled with high stakes, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The urgency and fear portrayed effectively draw viewers into the characters' desperate situation.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a race against time to escape a pyroclastic flow is compelling and engaging. The scene effectively captures the danger and chaos of a volcanic eruption.

Plot: 9.2

The plot of the scene is focused and driven by the characters' need to escape the approaching pyroclastic flow. The tension and stakes are high, keeping the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a natural disaster and the characters' desperate attempts to escape. The actions and dialogue feel authentic and realistic, adding to the tension and suspense of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and actions that drive the plot forward. Their desperation and fear are palpable, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo a significant change as they are forced to confront their mortality and fight for survival in the face of imminent danger. Their actions and decisions reflect this transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is survival and protecting those around him. He is driven by fear and the need to escape the imminent danger.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to start the car and escape the pyroclastic flow. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of the situation and the need for quick thinking and action.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and immediate, as the characters face a life-threatening situation with the pyroclastic flow rapidly approaching. The urgency of the conflict drives the action forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation that is difficult to overcome. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will navigate the dangers in their path.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, as the characters are in a life-or-death situation with the pyroclastic flow rapidly approaching. The outcome of their race against disaster will have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by raising the stakes and intensifying the conflict. The characters' actions and decisions in this scene have a direct impact on the narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' attempts to escape the pyroclastic flow. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will overcome the obstacles in their path.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the characters' struggle against nature and the forces of the volcano. It challenges their beliefs about control and power in the face of natural disasters.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, tension, and desperation in the audience. The characters' struggle for survival resonates on an emotional level, drawing viewers into their harrowing experience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the urgency and fear of the situation. It is concise and impactful, adding to the tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the characters' desperate struggle for survival, keeping them invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, building tension and suspense as the characters race against time to escape the pyroclastic flow. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. The scene is well-organized and easy to follow, contributing to the overall effectiveness of the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, following a clear progression of events that lead to a climactic moment of escape. The formatting is clear and easy to follow, enhancing the readability of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension with the impending pyroclastic flow, creating a sense of urgency that is palpable. However, the transition between the two locations (Mount Pinatubo and Clark Air Base) could be smoother. The abrupt cuts may confuse the audience, as they might struggle to keep track of the simultaneous events happening in both locations.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While the urgency is conveyed through the characters' actions, their spoken lines could be enhanced to reflect their fear, desperation, or camaraderie in the face of danger. For instance, instead of just stating the situation, characters could express their feelings about the impending disaster, which would add layers to their personalities.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, particularly the imagery of the pyroclastic flow. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the heat radiating from the flow, the sound of the rushing ash, or the smell of sulfur could enhance the tension and urgency.
  • The character dynamics are present but could be more pronounced. For example, Rick's role as the driver and Dave's as the technician could be highlighted through their interactions. A moment of shared determination or a brief exchange of encouragement could strengthen their bond and make the stakes feel more personal.
  • The pacing is generally good, but the scene could use a moment of reflection or a brief pause to heighten the tension before the action escalates. A character could take a moment to acknowledge the gravity of the situation before they spring into action, which would make the subsequent urgency feel even more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of dialogue that reveals the characters' emotional states, such as fear or determination, to deepen their characterization.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience for the audience, focusing on the sights, sounds, and smells associated with the volcanic eruption.
  • Smooth out the transitions between the two locations by using visual or auditory cues that connect the scenes, such as the sound of the eruption being heard at Clark Air Base as the pyroclastic flow approaches Dave and Rick.
  • Incorporate a moment of camaraderie or shared resolve between Rick and Dave before the action escalates, reinforcing their teamwork and the stakes involved.
  • Consider using a brief pause or moment of reflection before the characters spring into action, allowing the audience to fully grasp the gravity of the situation before the urgency kicks in.



Scene 54 -  Race Against Nature
INT. PICKUP TRUCK - SAME TIME

Rick looks in the rear view mirror as the PYROCLASTIC FLOW
MOVE CLOSER.

COLONEL STUDER
Can we outrun it!?

RICK HOBLITT
No --

Rick SWERVES onto another dirt road around a pot hole.

RICK HOBLITT (CONT’D)
But we can try to get to Clark
before it hits us!

CLARK AIR BASE PILOT
Let’s try our best!


EXT. PICKUP TRUCK BED - CONTINUOUS

Dave is holding on for his life. He looks out at the
PYROCLASTIC SURGE and sees MASSIVE STREAKS OF LIGHTNING OF
EVERY COLOR STRETCHING OUT AND SCORCHING THE LAND. Dave slaps
the window repeatedly until the pilot turns and slides it
open. Dave puts his face up against the window.

DAVE HARLOW
Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster!
Faster! Faster! Faster! Faster!

RICK HOBLITT
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!


INT. PICKUP TRUCK - CONTINUOUS

Rick reaches over, grabbing the rear window latch.

Rick Shuts the sliding window to shut Dave up for a second
then quickly swerves onto another paved road.

They hear Dave tumble against the truck bed wall which
prompts the pilot to look over his shoulder and pot Dave
still there.

Rick looks at the pilot for a quiet confirmation that Dave is
indeed still alive. The pilot nods and gives a thumbs up.

They see an APPROACHING RIVER. A BRIDGE. Just upstream is a
40 FOOT HIGH, 200 FOOT WIDE LAHAR RUSHING TOWARD THEM!


The LAHAR IS CARRYING BOULDERS, TREES, DEBRIS.

NG BOULDERS, TREES, DEBRIS.

COLONEL STUDER
We’re not going to make it --

RICK HOBLITT
Yes we are --

COLONEL STUDER
NO WE’RE NOT!

RICK HOBLITT
YES WE ARE!

COLONEL STUDER
NO WE’RE NOT!

Rick looks at the SPEEDOMETER. 70 MPH.

He drives onto the bridge. The massive LAHAR is just a few
meters away.

The Clark Air Base pilot is SCREAMING now.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, Rick Hoblitt drives a pickup truck with Colonel Studer and a Clark Air Base pilot, desperately trying to escape a rapidly approaching pyroclastic flow. As chaos unfolds outside, Rick swerves to avoid obstacles while Dave Harlow in the truck bed urges him to drive faster. Frustrated, Rick shuts the sliding window to silence Dave. Approaching a bridge, they spot a massive lahar rushing toward them, leading to a heated argument between Rick and Colonel Studer about their chances of survival. The scene culminates with Rick driving onto the bridge as the lahar looms dangerously close, leaving their fate uncertain.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • High stakes
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly intense, gripping, and emotionally charged, with a sense of urgency and danger that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a desperate attempt to outrun a natural disaster is compelling and well-executed, adding a sense of danger and unpredictability to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot is driven by the high-stakes race against time, with the characters facing imminent danger and making split-second decisions to survive, adding depth and tension to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a natural disaster and the characters' reactions to it. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters show determination, fear, and desperation in the face of danger, adding emotional depth and complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo a change in mindset as they confront the imminent danger, showing bravery, resilience, and a willingness to sacrifice for survival.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to keep everyone alive and reach safety amidst the chaos. This reflects their deeper need for survival and protection of their companions.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to outrun the natural disaster and reach Clark Air Base before it hits them. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing and the urgency of the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and palpable, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and conflicting opinions on how to handle it, raising the stakes and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and conflicting beliefs about their chances of survival. The audience is kept in suspense about the outcome.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high, with the characters facing a life-or-death situation and racing against time to escape a natural disaster, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a critical moment of danger and decision-making, setting the stage for the climax and resolution of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because the characters face unexpected obstacles and challenges, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between hope and despair. The protagonist believes they can make it to safety, while the Colonel doubts their chances. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the face of adversity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking fear, desperation, and determination in the characters and the audience, creating a sense of empathy and connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is minimal but effective, conveying the urgency and tension of the situation, with characters reacting authentically to the imminent threat.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and intense dialogue. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggle for survival.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the characters race against time and nature. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear action lines and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre of action and disaster films. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension with the imminent threat of the pyroclastic flow and the lahar, creating a sense of urgency. However, the dialogue between Rick and Colonel Studer feels repetitive and could be streamlined to enhance the pacing. The back-and-forth of 'Yes we are' and 'No we're not' could be condensed to maintain the tension without losing the urgency of the moment.
  • The visual imagery of the pyroclastic flow and the lahar is strong, but the description of the lightning could be more vivid. Instead of just stating 'MASSIVE STREAKS OF LIGHTNING OF EVERY COLOR,' consider using more descriptive language to evoke the chaos and danger of the scene, such as describing the colors and the effect of the lightning on the landscape.
  • Dave's frantic behavior in the truck bed is a good way to show his desperation, but the dialogue could be more varied. Instead of repeating 'Faster!' multiple times, consider incorporating different expressions of urgency or fear that reflect his character's personality. This would add depth to his character and make the scene feel less repetitive.
  • The transition between the truck's interior and the truck bed is clear, but it could benefit from more sensory details. For example, describing the sounds of the truck, the feel of the wind, or the vibrations from the road could immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • The pilot's reaction is somewhat underdeveloped. Adding a line or two that captures his fear or determination could enhance the stakes and provide a more rounded perspective on the situation. This would also help to establish the pilot as a character rather than just a voice in the scene.
Suggestions
  • Streamline the dialogue between Rick and Colonel Studer to avoid redundancy. Consider having them express their urgency in a more varied way to maintain tension without repetitive phrases.
  • Enhance the description of the lightning and its impact on the environment to create a more vivid and chaotic atmosphere. Use metaphors or similes to evoke the danger and urgency of the situation.
  • Vary Dave's dialogue to reflect his character's personality and emotional state. Instead of repeating 'Faster!', he could express his fear or urgency in different ways, adding depth to his character.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to immerse the audience in the scene. Describe the sounds, vibrations, and physical sensations experienced by the characters to create a more engaging experience.
  • Develop the pilot's character by adding a line or two that reflects his emotional state during the crisis. This will help to create a more dynamic and engaging scene.



Scene 55 -  Race Against Disaster
EXT. PICKUP TRUCK BED - CONTINUOUS

Dave looks over the side and sees a massive LAHAR barreling
toward them as they cross the bridge.

The PYROCLASTIC FLOW IS SURGING ACROSS THE RIDER a few meters
away.

The PICKUP TRUCK crosses the bridge just the the LAHAR
DISINTEGRATES IT INSTANTLY and the PYROCLASTIC FLOW CROSSES
OVER THE RIVER AND NOW LAHAR.

The PICKUP TRUCK turns onto the main road. Dave sees the
pyroclastic flow finally lose some speed.


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. SAME TIME

Lockhart exits the kitchen holding a BAG OF POPCORN. He
starts eating it next to General Grime.

General Grime looks at him in shock, shaking his head and
Lockhart notices.

LOCKHART
What -- I always eat popcorn during
this part of the movie.


INT. PICKUP TRUCK - CONTINUOUS

Rick swerves left as the Clark Air Base entrance is in sight.

He looks into the left side mirror. The pyroclastic flow is
still surging.

The ash cloud reaches the corner of Clark Air Base and flows
over the walls.

Rick PLOWS THROUGH THE CLOSED GATE and it flies over Dave’s
head.

Rick GRABS THE RADIO.

RICK HOBLITT
PVO, pack your bags. We gotta get
out of here now!


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - LIVING ROOM - SAME TIME

Through the window, Chris sees the PICKUP TRUCK slam on its
breaks just outside.

Chris GRABS A CASE OF 7 UP SITTING ON THE COUNTER and Colonel
Studer sees him.

GENERAL GRIME
Are you going to get thirsty on the
way there?

Ewert, Lockhart, General Grime, quickly follow Chris and rush
out of the house.


EXT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. - CONTINUOUS

It’s almost pitch black from the ash cloud and typhoon
colliding.

Pouring rain and ash is coming down in globs of mud.

Two ARMORED SUVs are parked outside next to the PICKUP TRUCK.

Rick, the Clark Air Base Pilot, and Colonel Studer exit the
PICKUP TRUCK and head for the SUVs.

Dave crawls out of the back of the trunk and Chris arrives
just in time to see him.

DAVE HARLOW
Don’t ask!


Dave starts to enter the driver’s side when he looks at Rick.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
Your turn to ride in the damn
trunk!

Chris hands Rick the CASE OF 7 UP and rick opens the trunk
quickly tosses it in and then crawls in himself.

Chris enters the passenger side.

Colonel Studer and the Clark Air Base pilot sit in the
backseat of Dave’s SUV.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary As a massive lahar approaches, Dave and his friends scramble to escape from Clark Air Base. Rick swerves the pickup truck to avoid danger, crashing through a gate while urging everyone to evacuate. Amidst the chaos of ash and rain, Chris grabs a case of soda before they all pile into armored SUVs. The scene blends tension with dark humor, highlighted by Lockhart's casual popcorn munching during a crisis. Ultimately, they manage to escape the impending disaster.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • High stakes
  • Tension and urgency
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some cliched dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys urgency, tension, and chaos as the characters race against time to escape a pyroclastic flow and reach safety. The high stakes and fast-paced action keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes escape from a natural disaster is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the danger and unpredictability of the situation, keeping the audience invested in the characters' survival.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is focused on the characters' desperate attempt to escape the pyroclastic flow and reach safety. It is well-paced, with clear objectives and obstacles that drive the action forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique and fresh situation of characters trying to escape a volcanic eruption, with authentic actions and dialogue that enhance the tension and danger.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' actions and dialogue reflect their determination, fear, and camaraderie in the face of danger. Their interactions add depth to the scene and enhance the emotional impact.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character development in this scene, the characters' actions and reactions reveal their courage, teamwork, and resilience in the face of danger.

Internal Goal: 8

Dave's internal goal is to survive the volcanic eruption and escape the danger with his companions. This reflects his deeper need for safety and security.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to reach safety at Clark Air Base and evacuate before the disaster overtakes them. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with the characters facing a life-threatening situation and racing against time to escape the natural disaster. The stakes are high, and the tension is palpable.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing multiple obstacles and challenges that create suspense and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the characters' lives on the line as they race against a natural disaster. The sense of danger and urgency adds intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by placing the characters in a critical situation and forcing them to make life-or-death decisions. It sets the stage for the climax of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected obstacles and challenges the characters face, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' desire for survival and the destructive power of nature. This challenges their beliefs about control and resilience in the face of natural disasters.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes fear, tension, and empathy for the characters as they struggle to survive. The emotional impact is heightened by the high stakes and the characters' vulnerability.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the urgency, tension, and emotions of the characters. It enhances the action and helps to develop the characters' relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and intense atmosphere that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' plight.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre of action-adventure, with a clear progression of events and character actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension with the imminent threat of the lahar and pyroclastic flow, creating a sense of urgency that is palpable. However, the transition between the two locations (the pickup truck and Clark Air Base) feels abrupt. The juxtaposition of the life-threatening situation in the truck with the mundane act of eating popcorn at the base could be more smoothly integrated to enhance the contrast and heighten the stakes.
  • The dialogue, particularly Rick's command to pack bags, is functional but lacks emotional weight. Given the life-or-death situation, it would be more impactful if Rick expressed urgency or fear, which would resonate more with the audience. Additionally, Dave's line about riding in the trunk feels somewhat comedic in a moment that should be intensely dramatic, which could undermine the tension built in the previous scenes.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, particularly the imagery of the ash cloud and the chaos surrounding the characters. However, the action of the pickup truck plowing through the gate could be described with more detail to emphasize the desperation of the moment. This would help the audience visualize the scene more vividly and feel the adrenaline of the escape.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the truck's escape to the calmness of the Clark Air Base could be better handled. The contrast is jarring, and it might benefit from a brief moment of reflection or a reaction shot from the characters at the base to acknowledge the chaos happening outside.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line of dialogue from Rick that conveys his emotional state, such as fear or determination, to enhance the urgency of the situation.
  • Integrate the scenes at Clark Air Base more smoothly by including a brief reaction from the characters there as they witness the chaos unfolding outside, which would help maintain tension.
  • Expand on the action of the pickup truck crashing through the gate to emphasize the desperation of the characters and the danger they are in, possibly by describing the sound and impact more vividly.
  • Revisit the comedic elements, such as Dave's line about riding in the trunk, to ensure they do not detract from the overall tension of the scene. Consider replacing it with a more serious line that reflects the gravity of their situation.



Scene 56 -  Chaos on the Road
INT. CLARK AIR BASE - ARMORED SUV 2 - CONTINUOUS

Lockhart is already sitting in the driver’s seat. Through the
rear-view mirror, General Grime is seen taking a seat in the
back.

Ewert finally enters the passenger seat.

Ash and rain continue to mix, dropping mud all over the
windshield and windows.


INT. CLARK AIR BASE - ARMORED SUV 1 - CONTINUOUS

Dave flips the wipers on. It splatters mud all over the
window making visibility impossible.

PUMICE STONES ARE THUMPING AGAINST THE ROOF.

Dave swerves around an abandoned car that was left in the
middle of the road. Then he exits a different GATE to leave
Clark Air Base.

He opens his window and uses his hand to wipe the side mirror
clean, and spots the second SUV following closely behind.

IN THE TRUNK - Rick grabs a can of 7 UP and hands it upfront.

RICK HOBLITT
Use this --

The pilot grabs it and cracks it open.

CLARK AIR BASE PILOT
(about to take a sip)
Thanks --

Chris reaches back, grabs the can from the surprised
helicopter pilot.


Chris rolls down the window and hangs out the side.

A PIECE OF PUMICE HITS THE WINDSHIELD. Dave loses control for
a moment.

Chris grabs the roof pull handle to keep himself from falling
out.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Keep it steady for Christ sake!

DAVE HARLOW
You don’t think I’m trying!?

Chris reaches toward the windshield and pours the 7 UP on the
glass. It clears the mud for a moment.


INT. ARMORED SUV 2 - SAME TIME

Lockhart is swerving around abandoned cars, barely able to
see the red tail light of the SUV they’re following.

LOCKHART
I can’t see shit!

Lockhart swerves again.

IN THE BACK - General Grime is drinking a SODA but it’s
pulled out of his hands and away from his mouth.

GENERAL GRIME
What the hell!?

Ewert opens the window now, stretches out, and pours the soda
on the windshield.

SHE IS PUMMELED BY A LARGE PUMICE STONE ON HER BACK AND DROPS
THE CAN ON THE ROAD.

She pulls herself back in and reaches toward her back. She
looks at her hand and it’s covered in blood. Lockhart looks
over and sees it.

LOCKHART
Are you okay?

EWERT
I’ll be all right.

Lockhart narrowly avoids another abandoned car, barely trying
to keep up with Dave leading the way.


INT. ARMORED SUV 1 - SAME TIME

IN THE TRUNK - Rick sticks his head up again.

RICK HOBLITT
At least I drove a little faster.

DAVE HARLOW
You almost threw me off the back!

RICK HOBLITT
We made it didn’t we!?

DAVE HARLOW
Barely!

The thick ash and mud are accumulating quickly again.

PUMICE CONTINUES TO BOUNCE OFF THE WINDSHIELD.

THE WINDSHIELD STARTS TO CRACK.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
We’re never going to make it there
in this shit!

RICK HOBLITT
Wanna pull over and let me drive!?

Dave turns his head and shouts.

DAVE HARLOW
Be my guest!

At that moment, Dave sees a FILIPINO WOMAN HOLDING A BABY AND
SHE’S STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD.

DAVE HARLOW (CONT’D)
Oh shit!

Dave SLAMS ON THE BRAKES. RICK SMASHES AGAINST THE BACKSEAT.
Genres: ["Action","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary During a storm at Clark Air Base, two armored SUVs struggle to navigate through heavy rain and falling pumice stones. Lockhart drives one SUV with General Grime and Ewert, while Dave drives the other with Rick and Chris. Visibility is nearly zero, leading to chaotic driving and rising tensions. Ewert injures herself while trying to help clear the windshield, and Chris attempts to assist from outside the vehicle. The situation escalates when Dave spots a woman with a baby in the road, forcing him to slam on the brakes to avoid a collision.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Realistic character reactions
  • Effective tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel cliché
  • Minor predictability in character actions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates tension and urgency through the chaotic situation of trying to escape a pyroclastic flow. The mix of action, humor, and character dynamics keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a race against time to escape a natural disaster is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively conveys the urgency and danger faced by the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the characters trying to escape the pyroclastic flow, adding to the overall tension and stakes of the story. The scene moves the story forward significantly.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique post-apocalyptic setting with volcanic ash and pumice stones, creating a fresh and immersive environment for the characters to navigate. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and reflect the challenges of survival in a hostile world.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and interactions during the intense situation are well-portrayed, showing their determination, humor, and camaraderie. Each character's role adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo minor changes in their dynamics and relationships during the scene, showcasing their ability to adapt and support each other in a crisis.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and keep themselves and their companions safe amidst the dangerous driving conditions. This reflects their desire for survival and protection of their group.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate through the hazardous terrain and reach their destination despite the obstacles in their path, such as the pumice stones, mud, and abandoned cars.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing imminent danger and obstacles that test their abilities and relationships. The urgency of the situation adds to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing multiple obstacles and challenges that test their skills, decision-making, and teamwork, creating uncertainty and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with the characters facing the threat of a pyroclastic flow and the risk of not making it to safety in time. The survival of the characters is at risk.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by placing the characters in a life-threatening situation and forcing them to make critical decisions. The outcome of the scene will impact the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected obstacles and challenges the characters face, such as the Filipino woman and baby in the road, adding suspense and tension to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the characters' desire for survival and their moral obligation to help others in need, as seen when they encounter the Filipino woman and baby in the middle of the road.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits emotions of anxiety, tension, and camaraderie as the characters struggle to escape the disaster. The audience is invested in the characters' survival and well-being.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the urgency and chaos of the situation, as well as the characters' personalities and relationships. There are moments of humor and tension in the exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high-stakes action, tense atmosphere, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the characters' survival and the outcome of their journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and dynamic, with well-timed action beats, suspenseful moments, and character interactions that maintain tension and momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance readability and visual clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined action beats and character interactions, maintaining a fast-paced and engaging narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the chaotic environment of the armored SUVs, but it could benefit from clearer visual descriptions to enhance the reader's understanding of the setting. For instance, describing the ash and rain in more vivid detail could help convey the urgency and danger of the situation.
  • The dialogue between characters is functional but lacks emotional depth. While the urgency is present, adding more personal stakes or emotional reactions could heighten the tension. For example, characters could express their fears or regrets about their situation, making the audience more invested in their survival.
  • The physical comedy with the soda can is a nice touch, but it feels somewhat out of place given the dire circumstances. Balancing humor with the gravity of the situation is crucial; consider whether this moment serves the overall tone of the scene or detracts from it.
  • The transitions between the two SUVs could be smoother. The scene jumps back and forth, which can be disorienting. Establishing a clearer structure for these transitions would help maintain the flow and keep the audience engaged.
  • The climax of the scene, where Dave sees the woman with the baby, is a strong moment that could be amplified. Consider building up to this moment with more foreshadowing or internal monologue from Dave, which would enhance the emotional impact when he has to slam on the brakes.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the environment, focusing on the ash and rain to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
  • Incorporate more emotional dialogue that reflects the characters' fears and motivations, allowing the audience to connect with them on a deeper level.
  • Reassess the use of humor in this tense scene; ensure it complements rather than undermines the urgency of the situation.
  • Streamline the transitions between the two SUVs to improve the pacing and clarity of the scene.
  • Build up the moment when Dave sees the woman with the baby by adding internal conflict or foreshadowing, making the decision to slam on the brakes more impactful.



Scene 57 -  Collision and Reunion
INT. ARMORED SUV 2 - SAME TIME

Lockhart is white knuckling the steering wheel. LOCKHART How
the hell did you drop it!? That’s when Ewert sees RED BRAKE
LIGHTS.

EWERT
Look out!

Lockhart SLAMS ON HIS BRAKES BUT REAR-ENDS THE ARMORED SUV IN
FRONT OF HIM.


INT. ARMORED SUV 1 - SAME TIME


IN THE TRUNK - RICK IS ONE AGAIN TOSSED WILDLY.

The Clark Air Base Pilot was about to drink another can of
soda but loses it and it splashes on him and Colonel Studer.

Dave and Chis get whiplash as they are jolted forward.

Everyone takes a breath after being rear-ended.

CHRIS NEWHALL
(looking at Dave)
Are you good?

Dave nods.

CHRIS NEWHALL (CONT’D)
(looking towards the
back)
Is everyone good back there?

RICK HOBLITT
Yeah --

Chris grabs the RADIO.

CHRIS NEWHALL
Everyone good?


INT. ARMORED SUV 2 - SAME TIME

Ewert catches her breath then looks at Lockhart.

EWERT
Are we good?

Lockhart nods and shakes it off.

LOCKHART
We’re good.

Ewert grabs the RADIO.

EWERT
We’re all good --

Lockhart sees the woman. He rolls down the window.

LOCKHART
Get in! We have room!


The Filipino woman and her baby quickly jump into the
backseat.

LOCKHART (CONT’D)
It’s only a quarter mile from here!
We’re almost there!

Lockhart continues to follow Dave’s SUV.


EXT. PAMPANGA AGRICULTURAL COLLEGE - MOMENTS LATER

A massive crowd of people are gathered outside as they slowly
make their way into the building.

Two SUVs pull up to the building.

The volcanologists and Filipino woman and her baby exit and
follow General Grime and Colonel Studer into the front
entrance.


INT. PAMPANGA AGRICULTURAL COLLEGE - CONTINUOUS

A large gathering of Filipino residents, US military
personnel, and American civilians are gathered just inside.
The volcanologists, two generals, and the pilot walk in
between the crowd.


INT. PAMPANGA AGRICULTURAL COLLEGE - FLOOR 2 - MOMENTS LATER

The volcanologists and two generals enter a room with
MONITORING EQUIPMENT, COMPUTERS, VARIOUS MILITARY PERSONNEL
working PHONE-LINES.

The Room glows with green fluorescent light sticks.

Everyone drops their bags and exhales.

General Grime sees his two daughters running to him and he
holds them close.

Chris watches this take place. He even sees a few tears in
General Grime’s eyes.

Rick Sees Colonel Studer’s son and wife rush over to him.
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense moment, Lockhart panics while driving an armored SUV and rear-ends another vehicle, causing chaos inside as Rick is tossed around in the trunk. After ensuring everyone is okay, Lockhart helps a Filipino woman and her baby into their SUV. They arrive at Pampanga Agricultural College, where a large crowd awaits. Emotional reunions unfold as General Grime meets his daughters and Colonel Studer is greeted by his family, shifting the tone from panic to warmth.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional character moments
  • Community support theme
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines tension, emotion, and action to create a compelling narrative that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a high-stakes escape from a disaster is well-executed, with a focus on character relationships and community support.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging, with a clear goal of reaching safety amidst chaos and danger.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh situation with the car accident and the need to transport the Filipino woman and her baby, adding authenticity through realistic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with emotional depth and strong relationships that drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience growth and change as they face the danger together, strengthening their bonds and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

Lockhart's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and composure in a high-pressure situation. This reflects his need for leadership and responsibility in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

Lockhart's external goal is to safely transport the Filipino woman and her baby to their destination. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating through a crowd of people and reaching the college.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict is high due to the imminent danger of the disaster and the challenges the characters face in escaping it.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the car accident and the need to navigate through a crowd of people presenting obstacles that challenge the characters and create uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the characters race against time to escape a disaster that threatens their lives and the lives of others.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by escalating the danger, deepening character relationships, and setting up the next phase of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected car accident and the need to navigate through a crowd of people, adding tension and uncertainty to the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between the need for safety and urgency in reaching the college. Lockhart must balance the importance of protecting the woman and her baby with the need to move quickly.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, with moments of tension, fear, and connection between characters that resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and emotion of the situation, but could be more impactful in certain moments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that aid in clarity and readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear action beats, character interactions, and setting descriptions that enhance the narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the chaos and urgency of the situation, with the characters reacting to the imminent danger of the volcanic eruption. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect the heightened tension. For instance, instead of simply asking if everyone is 'good,' the characters could express their fear or urgency more vividly, which would enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The transition between the two SUVs is clear, but the pacing could be improved. The scene feels a bit rushed, especially when introducing the Filipino woman and her baby. A moment of hesitation or a brief exchange could heighten the emotional impact of their rescue, making it feel more significant in the context of the disaster.
  • The use of humor, such as Rick's comment about being tossed around in the trunk, adds levity to an otherwise tense scene. However, it might be beneficial to balance this humor with more serious moments to maintain the gravity of the situation. The humor should not undermine the urgency of their escape.
  • The visual descriptions are effective, but they could be enhanced with more sensory details. For example, describing the sounds of the chaos outside or the feeling of the SUV jolting could immerse the audience further into the scene. This would help convey the overwhelming nature of the disaster.
  • The emotional reunion between General Grime and his daughters is a strong moment, but it could be foreshadowed earlier in the script to create a deeper emotional payoff. Establishing their relationship earlier would make the reunion more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to include more urgent and emotionally charged exchanges that reflect the characters' fear and desperation. For example, instead of asking if everyone is 'good,' characters could express their concerns or fears more explicitly.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or a brief exchange when the Filipino woman and her baby enter the SUV. This could heighten the emotional stakes and emphasize the danger they are all in.
  • Balance the humor with more serious moments to ensure that the urgency of the situation is maintained. Humor should serve to relieve tension without undermining the gravity of the disaster.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the visual experience of the scene. Describe the sounds of the chaos, the feeling of the SUV jolting, or the atmosphere outside to immerse the audience further.
  • Foreshadow the emotional reunion between General Grime and his daughters earlier in the script to create a deeper emotional connection and make the reunion more impactful.



Scene 58 -  Aftermath of Eruption: A Mix of Relief and Grief
INT. USGS HEADQUARTERS - DAN’S OFFICE - LATER

THE DOOR OPENS and Patty Lipman is revealed to be standing at
the entrance.


Dan doesn’t even look up from his desk.

PATTY LIPMAN
I just got word from the
Philippines. Clark was in the
damage path -- Pyroclastic flows
and lahars reached the base.

Dan finally looks up from his desk.

PATTY LIPMAN (CONT’D)
Your team got it right. Everyone
was evacuated. There were no
casualties on the base.
(beat)
The Survey was wrong, Dan. I was
wrong. You were right.

A subtle but satisfying smile sneaks onto Dan’s face.


INT. PAMPANGA AGRICULTURAL COLLEGE - FLOOR 2 - LATER

Chris is holding a SATELLITE PHONE.


INT. CHRIS’S HOME - KITCHEN - SAME TIME

THE PHONE RINGS. Glenda rushes to it and answers.


INTERCUT - TELEPHONE CONVERSATION

GLENDA
Are you safe?

CHRIS NEWHALL
Yeah -- we’re safe.

GLENDA
(light-heartedly)
You’re lying.

She knows Chris too well.

Chris’s son overhears his dad on the phone.

CHRIS’S SON (O.S.)
Is that dad?

Chris hears his son over the phone and smiles.

CHRIS’S SON (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Hey dad!


CHRIS NEWHALL
So good to hear from you, buddy.

CHRIS’S SON
Did the volcano erupt?

CHRIS NEWHALL
It sure did.

CHRIS’S SON
Did you and uncle Ray save
everyone?

Chris waits a moment to answer. He looks over at his team.
Dave is talking to Ewert and Lockhart, comforting them.

He then turns to see Rick, alone in the corner.

CHRIS NEWHALL
-- We did -- We saved everyone.

They did all they could but he knows not everyone could be
saved from such a massive disaster.

Dave looks at Lockhart and Ewert.

DAVE HARLOW
You guys did a helluva job.

Ewert finally smiles.

Lockhart nods.

LOCKHART
(laughing)
Can we go home now?

Further away, Rick, in the corner, with his back turned
toward the group, is sobbing.

He covers his face. This has all finally caught up to him.
The past. The present. The losses. The successes and self-
reflections.

Walking up behind Rick to comfort him is Chris.

Rick turns around, finally revealing his tears. Chris grabs
Rick’s shoulder to comfort him and nods with understanding.

CHRIS NEWHALL
We couldn’t have done this without
you.

FADE TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this poignant scene, Patty Lipman informs Dan of the successful evacuation efforts in the Philippines, bringing a subtle smile to his face. Meanwhile, Chris reassures his wife Glenda and their son about their safety, grappling with the emotional weight of the disaster. As Dave praises Ewert and Lockhart for their contributions, Rick struggles with overwhelming grief, ultimately finding comfort in Chris's support. The scene captures a blend of relief and sorrow as the characters navigate the aftermath of the volcanic eruption.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of external conflict
  • Limited action sequences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively captures the emotional depth of the characters, providing closure to the intense mission while setting the stage for personal growth and reflection. The dialogue is poignant, and the character dynamics are well-developed.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of reflecting on the success and sacrifices of a high-stakes mission is compelling and provides a meaningful conclusion to the storyline. The scene effectively explores the emotional aftermath of the characters' actions.

Plot: 9

The plot focuses on the emotional resolution and personal reflections of the characters after a challenging mission. It moves the story forward by addressing the consequences of their actions and setting the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to the aftermath of a natural disaster, focusing on the emotional impact on the characters and their internal struggles. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters are well-developed and show vulnerability, strength, and growth in the scene. Their interactions and emotional responses add depth to the narrative and create a sense of authenticity.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo emotional changes and growth in the scene, particularly in how they process their experiences and support each other. It sets the stage for further development and introspection.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to reconcile with the guilt and responsibility of making the right decisions in a crisis situation. It reflects his need for validation and acceptance of his actions.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to ensure the safety and well-being of the people affected by the disaster. It reflects the immediate challenge of managing a crisis and saving lives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is emotional conflict and tension in the scene, the focus is more on resolution and reflection rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with emotional obstacles, internal conflicts, and the uncertainty of the characters' decisions. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the mission and the personal sacrifices made by the characters add tension and emotional weight to the scene, emphasizing the importance of their actions and decisions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by providing closure to the mission, addressing the consequences of their actions, and hinting at future challenges and developments. It sets the stage for new narrative arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the emotional twists and turns, unexpected character reactions, and the resolution of the crisis. The audience is kept on edge about the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the characters' beliefs in their abilities to make the right decisions and the consequences of those decisions. It challenges their values of teamwork, responsibility, and self-reflection.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene evokes strong emotions from the characters and the audience, highlighting the personal struggles, sacrifices, and victories of the team. It leaves a lasting impact and resonates with the viewers.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue is heartfelt and authentic, capturing the characters' emotions and inner struggles. It conveys the weight of their experiences and the bonds that have formed between them.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character dynamics, and the resolution of the crisis. The audience is invested in the characters' journeys and the outcome of the disaster.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, emotional impact, and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and intercut sequences. The formatting enhances the clarity and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and intercut telephone conversations. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional aftermath of a disaster, showcasing the contrasting reactions of the characters. Dan's subtle smile upon receiving good news about the evacuation juxtaposes the weight of Rick's grief, creating a poignant emotional landscape. However, the transition between the two locations (USGS Headquarters and Chris's home) could be smoother. The intercutting feels slightly abrupt, and a more gradual transition could enhance the emotional impact.
  • Chris's dialogue with his son is heartwarming and serves to highlight the personal stakes involved in the disaster. However, the line where Chris reassures his son that they saved everyone feels somewhat disingenuous given the context of the disaster. This could be an opportunity to explore Chris's internal conflict more deeply, as he grapples with the reality of loss while trying to maintain hope for his family.
  • Rick's emotional breakdown is a powerful moment, but it could benefit from more buildup. The scene hints at his internal struggle, but a few more visual or auditory cues leading up to his sobbing could enhance the audience's understanding of his character's journey. For instance, showing Rick's hands trembling or his breathing becoming erratic could foreshadow his emotional release.
  • The dialogue among Dave, Ewert, and Lockhart is light-hearted and provides a moment of levity, but it risks undermining the gravity of the situation. Balancing humor with the somber reality of the disaster is crucial; perhaps a more subdued response from the group could maintain the emotional weight of the scene while still allowing for camaraderie.
  • The scene concludes with Chris comforting Rick, which is a strong emotional beat. However, it might be more impactful if Chris's words were more specific or personal, reflecting on Rick's contributions or shared experiences. This could deepen their bond and provide a more satisfying resolution to Rick's emotional turmoil.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual or auditory cue to transition between the USGS Headquarters and Chris's home, such as a sound of the phone ringing that overlaps with Patty's dialogue, to create a smoother flow.
  • Explore Chris's internal conflict more explicitly when he reassures his son. Perhaps include a moment of hesitation or a brief flash of doubt in his expression before he responds, emphasizing the weight of his words.
  • Build up to Rick's emotional breakdown by incorporating subtle physical cues that indicate his distress, such as fidgeting or avoiding eye contact with others, to enhance the audience's connection to his character.
  • Reassess the tone of the dialogue among Dave, Ewert, and Lockhart to ensure it aligns with the emotional gravity of the scene. Consider having them express relief but also acknowledge the seriousness of the situation more directly.
  • Enhance the final moment between Chris and Rick by having Chris share a specific memory or acknowledgment of Rick's efforts during the crisis, which could provide a more profound sense of closure and camaraderie.



Scene 59 -  Echoes of Resilience
EXT. MOUNT ST. HELENS - NORTH. RIDGE HILLSIDE - DAY

A shovel digs into the gray ash and scoops it away.

Rick looks at Mount St. Helens which is now missing the north
flank.

His shovel suddenly hits something metal. He stops, bends
over, and retrieves it.

INSERT - FRACTURED CAMPER DOOR, which reads: “COLDWAT”

Dan Miller walks up next to Rick and they both look at the
piece of “Coldwater II Camper Door Sign.”

They both look up toward Mount St. Helens now right as the
sun finally shines through.


INT. DAVID JOHNSTON’S CHILDHOOD HOME - DAY

Rick and Dan Miller are warmly greeted by TOM and ALICE
JOHNSTON (David Johnston’s parents) as they enter the house.


INT. DAVID JOHNSTON’S CHILDHOOD HOME - KITCHEN - LATER

Rick hands Alice Johnston a few PHOTOGRAPHS OF DAVID JOHNSTON
AT COLDWATER II and she looks at them, wiping tears from her
face.

Alice grabs Tom’s hand and holds it tight.


INT. DAVID JOHNSTON’S CHILDHOOD HOME - BEDROOM - LATER

Rick and Dan enter David’s room, guided by his father.

Tom Johnston shows them old NOTEBOOKS, PHOTOGRAPHS...

Written on the back of the door is Theodore Roosevelt’s MAN
IN THE ARENA QUOTE and Rick sees it.

Rick and Dan slowly disappear from the room.

David Johnston is now standing there alone, looking at the
Man In The Arena speech on his door.


EXT. CLARK AIR BASE - DAY

SERIES OF SHOTS - CLARK AIR BASE AFTER THE ERUPTION

1. A FOOT OF ASH FILLS THE STREET

2. THE REMNANTS OF A LAHAR, THAT WASHED INTO THE STREET IS

SEEN, HAVING PUSHED ABANDONED CARS TO THE SIDE

3. ASH IS PILED UP ON THE BASKIN ROBBINS, THE PIZZA HUT, THE

THEATERS

4. MARYLAND ST. POV MONITORING HOUSE HAS ALL OF ITS WINDOWS
SHATTERED

5. THE PICKUP TRUCK PARKED OUTSIDE IS COVERED IN ASH

DAVID JOHNSTON
It is not the critic who counts;
not the man who points out how the
strong man stumbled or where the
doer of deeds could have done them
better. The credit belongs to the
man who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust and
sweat and blood --


EXT. CLARK AIR BASE - MARYLAND ST. LATER

INSERT - SIGN, that reads: “PINATUBO VOLCANO OBSERVATORY -
PHILVOLCS-USGS WITH ASSISTANCE FROM USAID-USIF - SHAKE ‘n
BAKE with the BEST and it’s covered in ASH.

BACK TO MARYLAND ST. - A FOOT OF ASH COVERED THE FRONT LAWN.


EXT. CEMETERY - MORNING

Bayani is standing next to his wife’s GRAVESTONE. He looks at
the PHOTOGRAPH that Ray had found.

Bayani finally places the PHOTOGRAPH on the GRAVESTONE and
walks away. He can finally let go.


INT. VDAP HEADQUARTERS - MONITORING ROOM - DAY

Lockhart slaps down a RESEARCH PAPER HEADER in front of Dave.


INSERT: RESEARCH PAPER, which reads: The Eruption of Mount
Pinatubo - by: Rick Hoblitt, Chris Newhall, Andy Lockhart,
Jill Ewert, Raymundo Punongbayan and Dave Harlow...”

DAVID JOHNSTON (V.O.)
-- who strives valiantly; who errs
and come short again and again; who
knows the great enthusiasm, the
great devotion; who spends himself
in a worthy cause --

BACK TO MONITORING ROOM - Lockhart and finally Ewert pat Dave
on the back.


EXT. CHRIS’S HOUSE - BACKYARD - DAY

Chris, Glenda, and their son are playing baseball in the
backyard.

DAVID JOHNSTON (V.O.)
-- who, at the best, knows in the
end of the triumph of high
achievement and who at the worst,
if he fails, at least fails while
daring greatly -- so that his place
shall never be with those timid
souls who know neither victory nor
defeat.

Ray arrives with his wife and four children and are greeted
with hugs and high fives. Chris pats Ray on the back and
hands him a cold beer.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the aftermath of the Mount St. Helens eruption, Rick uncovers a piece of a camper door, leading to a poignant reflection with Dan Miller. They visit the childhood home of David Johnston, where his parents, Tom and Alice, share cherished memories, evoking deep emotions. David's voiceover resonates with a powerful message about striving valiantly, juxtaposed with visuals of devastation and loss. The scene culminates in a gathering of friends at Chris's house, celebrating their resilience and the strength of community amidst grief.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Resilience theme
  • Tribute to fallen hero
Weaknesses
  • Limited dynamic conflict
  • Character development could be enhanced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional aftermath of the eruption, pays tribute to a fallen hero, and instills a sense of hope and resilience. The dialogue and thematic elements are strong, but there could be more dynamic conflict and character development to enhance the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of resilience and honoring a fallen hero is well-developed in the scene, providing depth and emotional resonance. The theme of daring greatly adds a layer of inspiration to the narrative.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot focuses on the aftermath of the eruption and the emotional impact on characters, it could benefit from more dynamic conflict and character development to drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the aftermath of a natural disaster, focusing on personal stories and emotional journeys. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters show resilience and emotional depth in the scene, with a focus on honoring a fallen hero and coming to terms with the tragedy. More development and interaction could enhance the character dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle character changes, such as coming to terms with loss and finding hope, more significant development could enhance the impact of the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with loss and find closure. This is reflected in the emotional moments with David Johnston's parents and the scene at the cemetery.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to document and understand the impact of the volcanic eruption. This is shown through the research paper and monitoring activities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' struggles to come to terms with the tragedy and find hope in the aftermath.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with internal conflicts and emotional challenges driving the narrative. The audience is left uncertain about the characters' emotional journeys.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of emotional impact and resilience, as the characters grapple with loss and strive to find hope in the aftermath of the eruption.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by reflecting on the aftermath of the eruption and the characters' emotional journeys. It sets the stage for further development and resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in terms of emotional twists and character revelations. The audience is kept engaged by the unexpected turns of the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of courage and resilience in the face of adversity. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about perseverance and determination.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, resilience, and hope in the face of tragedy. The characters' emotional journeys resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, capturing the emotional aftermath of the eruption and the characters' resilience. It effectively conveys the themes of hope and tribute.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character interactions, and thematic resonance. The audience is drawn into the personal journeys of the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments with narrative progression. It allows for reflection and introspection without losing momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure, transitioning smoothly between different locations and characters. It maintains a consistent pacing and rhythm.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of loss and remembrance, particularly through the interactions between Rick, Dan, and David Johnston's parents. However, the transition from the ash-covered landscape to the intimate moments in the Johnston home could be smoother. The abrupt shift in setting may disorient the audience, so consider adding a brief transitional moment that connects the devastation outside with the personal memories shared inside.
  • The use of David Johnston's voiceover is powerful, but it could be enhanced by integrating more visual elements that reflect the themes of his words. For instance, as he speaks about striving valiantly, the visuals could include more dynamic shots of the characters actively engaging in recovery efforts or moments of camaraderie, reinforcing the message of resilience.
  • The series of shots depicting the aftermath at Clark Air Base is impactful, but it may benefit from a more cohesive narrative thread. Each shot feels somewhat disconnected; consider using a character's perspective to guide the audience through these visuals, perhaps showing their reactions to the destruction, which would deepen the emotional resonance.
  • The emotional tone shifts from somber to celebratory towards the end, which is effective but could be more gradual. The transition from the grave scene with Bayani to the joyful reunion at Chris's house feels a bit jarring. A moment of reflection or a shared acknowledgment of the losses before the celebration could create a more balanced emotional arc.
  • The final moments at Chris's house are heartwarming, but they could be strengthened by including a brief dialogue that acknowledges the challenges they faced. This would provide a sense of closure and reinforce the theme of resilience in the face of adversity.
Suggestions
  • Add a transitional moment between the ash-covered landscape and the Johnston home to create a smoother flow between the two settings.
  • Incorporate more dynamic visuals during David's voiceover to visually represent the themes of striving and resilience, perhaps showing characters in action.
  • Create a narrative thread that connects the series of shots at Clark Air Base, possibly through a character's perspective, to enhance emotional impact.
  • Introduce a moment of reflection or acknowledgment of loss before transitioning to the celebration at Chris's house to balance the emotional tone.
  • Include a brief dialogue at Chris's house that acknowledges the challenges faced, providing closure and reinforcing the theme of resilience.



Scene 60 -  A Heartfelt Reunion
INT. RICK’S HOUSE - OFFICE - DAY

A FAX IS PRINTING. Rick’s daughter quickly reaches for it.

INSERT - FAX, which reads: COORDINATES - “39°59'59.6"N
105°17'02.3"W”

BACK TO RICK’S OFFICE - She quickly looks at a map. She
carefully traces her finger across it. She comes to the
realization quickly. THE COORDINATES ARE HER HOME ADDRESS.

She turns around and standing at the door is Rick. She rushes
to him and hugs him.

Rick has tears in his eyes as he embraces his daughter.

FADE TO BLACK.


INSERT -- POST CREDIT INFORMATION --


When Mount St. Helens erupted on
May 18, 1980, it exploded with a
force nearly eight times more
powerful than the largest nuclear
bomb ever detonated.

57 people were killed... including
volcanologist David Johnson.

Volcanologist Harry Glicken,
Maurice & Katie Krafft were killed
on Mount Unzen on June 2, 1991
along with 39 journalists.

Mount Pinatubo hit its cataclysmic
phase on June 14, 1991. The
eruption was ten times larger than
St. Helens.

An estimated 20,000 personnel and
civilians from Clark Air Base and
60,000 Filipino residents were
evacuated two days before the
eruption.

Typhoon Yunya’s heavy rains mixed
with Pinatubo’s ash fall collapsed
roofs around the countryside
killing 847 people.

If it wasn’t for the Filipino and
American scientists who accurately
predicted the eruption and acts
with evacuations, the death toll
could have been 300,000.

This team of volcanologists called
themselves...

The Volcano Cowboys.



MUSIC CUE - “It’s the End of the World As We Know It (And I
Feel Fine)” by: R.E.M. begins to play...

THE END.
Genres: ["Drama","Disaster"]

Summary In Rick's office, a fax reveals his home address through coordinates, prompting an emotional realization in his daughter. She rushes to embrace Rick, leading to a poignant moment filled with tears and connection, as they share a heartfelt hug. The scene concludes with a fade to black.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Real-life context
  • Thematic resonance
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-crafted, emotionally impactful, and effectively wraps up the story with a poignant moment between Rick and his daughter, while also providing important real-life context. The emotional depth and thematic resonance elevate the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of honoring the sacrifices and heroism of the scientists involved in volcanic eruptions is compelling and thought-provoking. The scene effectively conveys the themes of bravery, tragedy, and the importance of scientific research.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene effectively ties up loose ends and provides closure to the story. It seamlessly integrates personal moments with factual information, creating a satisfying conclusion for the audience.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique blend of personal drama and historical facts related to volcanic eruptions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Rick and his daughter, are well-developed and emotionally resonant. Their interactions convey a sense of love, sacrifice, and resilience, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

While there is not a significant character arc in this scene, the emotional journey of Rick and his daughter is evident. Their bond is strengthened through their shared experiences and the realization of the sacrifices made by scientists.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect and comfort his daughter. This reflects his deeper need for family connection and safety.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to ensure the safety of his daughter in the face of potential danger indicated by the coordinates.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' personal struggles and the weight of their experiences. While there is no external conflict, the emotional stakes are high.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is not strong, as the focus is more on the emotional revelation rather than external conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of the real-life tragedies depicted in the post-credit information. The scene highlights the importance of scientific research and preparedness in the face of natural disasters, emphasizing the potential consequences of inaction.

Story Forward: 8

The scene serves to wrap up the story and provide closure to the narrative. It ties up loose ends, offers insight into the real-life events, and leaves the audience with a sense of resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience is unsure of the significance of the coordinates until the daughter realizes they are her home address.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the theme of sacrifice for the greater good. The mention of the Volcano Cowboys highlights the sacrifices made by scientists to save lives during volcanic eruptions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting feelings of sadness, hope, and reflection. The poignant moment between Rick and his daughter, combined with the real-life tragedies highlighted in the post-credit information, creates a powerful emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is heartfelt and authentic, capturing the emotional weight of the moment. While there are not many spoken lines, the dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions and the gravity of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional intensity and the revelation of the coordinates as the home address. The audience is drawn into the characters' emotional journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a satisfying resolution with the embrace between Rick and his daughter.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and follows the expected format for a dramatic moment in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a buildup of tension and emotional resolution. It effectively conveys the protagonist's internal and external goals.


Critique
  • The emotional impact of the scene is strong, particularly with the father-daughter reunion, which effectively encapsulates the personal stakes involved in the larger narrative about volcanic eruptions. However, the scene could benefit from more context regarding Rick's emotional journey throughout the screenplay, as this moment feels somewhat abrupt without a deeper exploration of his character's struggles and growth.
  • The use of the fax as a plot device is clever, but it may come off as a bit contrived. The coordinates leading to Rick's home address could be more seamlessly integrated into the narrative. Perhaps a brief flashback or a line of dialogue earlier in the screenplay could establish the significance of the coordinates, enhancing the emotional weight of the revelation.
  • The transition to the post-credit information feels somewhat jarring. While it provides important context and historical facts, it disrupts the emotional flow established in the previous scene. A smoother transition or a more integrated way to present this information could maintain the emotional resonance while still delivering the necessary facts.
  • The scene's pacing is effective, but it could be enhanced by adding more sensory details. Describing the atmosphere in the room, the sounds of the fax machine, or the physical sensations during the hug could deepen the audience's connection to the moment.
  • The choice of music at the end is iconic and fitting, but it may overshadow the emotional gravity of the scene. Consider whether a more subdued or reflective piece might better complement the poignant moment between Rick and his daughter.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or dialogue earlier in the screenplay that establishes the significance of the coordinates, enhancing the emotional impact when Rick's daughter realizes their meaning.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enrich the scene, such as the sounds, smells, or physical sensations during the hug, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Explore Rick's emotional journey leading up to this moment more thoroughly, perhaps through internal monologue or dialogue with other characters, to provide a deeper understanding of his character and the stakes involved.
  • Reevaluate the transition to the post-credit information. Consider integrating it more smoothly into the narrative or presenting it in a way that maintains the emotional tone of the scene.
  • Consider using a more subdued piece of music for the ending to allow the emotional weight of the father-daughter moment to resonate more fully with the audience.