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Scene 1 -  Elle Woods' Card Signing and Dog Delivery in the Delta Gamma Sorority House
INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - DAY 1
"HEAD OVER HEELS" by the Go-Go's plays as we wind through a
flock of abstract, silky, golden strands — PULLING BACK, to *
discover that the strands are hair on a BLONDE GIRL's head. *
But not just any blonde girl, a girl in Delta Gamma, the
blondest, most beautiful sorority at USC.
We PULL BACK further to see that she's signing a handmade
card. She holds it up ~ OVER HER SHOULDER, we see hearts *
and glitter surrounding and "Good Luck Tonight!" and "Elle *
and Warner forever!."
She carries the card out of her room and we FOLLOW HER across
the hall, into the room of —
THREE BLONDE CHEERLEADERS, who stop practicing their pom-pom
routine to sign the card. As they finish, we follow the Card
Girl out and into the room of —
A BLONDE GIRL IN A TANK TOP and shorts, working out on a
Stairmaster as "General Hospital" plays on a tiny TV. She
signs the card while continuing to exercise. We move on, to *
the room of—
A BLONDE GIRL MAKING OUT WITH HER BOYFRIEND who stops long
enough to sign the card, as her boyfriend nibbles on her
neck. She hands the card back and we head into the room of —
A BLONDE PARTY GIRL who pours a pink frozen margarita into a
glass from the blender, then passes it down to ANOTHER BLONDE *
GIRL, assembly-line style. The card goes one way, being
signed, as the drinks go the other.
Once the card arrives back in the Card Girl's hands, we
follow her out of the room and down the hall until she
reaches the very last and biggest door —
She puts a kiss mark on the card, then kneels down and slides
the card under the door.
INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS 2

The CARD slides into the pink room, hitting the feet of
UNDERDOG, a tiny chihuahua ~ who picks it up in his mouth
and trots it over to a pair of perfectly pedicured feet in
strappy sandals.
An equally perfectly manicured hand with a "Sisters Forever"
charm bracelet dangling from the wrist, scoops up Underdog.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 2.
2 CONTINUED: 2

As he rises, we RISE WITH HIM, passing toned, waxed, tanned
legs in pink Prada pedal pushers and a pair of perky boobs
encased in a spaghetti-strap top — until we finally reveal a
magnificent head of long blonde hair and a sweet, beautiful
face. This is ELLE WOODS, 21, the Goddess Queen of Delta
Gamma. She talks on a pink, fuzzy phone.
ELLE
(into the phone)
I love you, too!
Behind her, a "Go USC" banner is pinned to the pink wall. A
stack of "Cosmopolitan"s and "Glamour"s teeters on the
dresser. The closet overflows with trendy, designer clothes
in a predominance of pink.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing; into phone)
I'll see you tonight.
She hangs up and lets out a squeal of joy, kissing Underdog's
head and taking the card out of his mouth. She reads it,
touched.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
"Elle and Warner forever". Aww...
Underdog yips.
3 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY - SAME TIME 2

A Delta Gamma/Sigma Chi barbecue in full swing. Beautiful
college students drink beer and mingle, trying to figure out
who they're going to sleep with next.
The main wall of the living room has been designated as a
"Model Wall" of Delta Gamma girls — ELLE smiles at us from a
Hawaiian Tropic ad and a Miss June USC calendar photo. A
cover of an Italian Vogue shows a blonde sexpot MARGOT; a USC
cheerleader poster displays a hard-bodied non-blonde SERENA
in a pom-pom pose.
Serena walks up, fending off an admirer.
SERENA
Jeremy, enough! I am not going to formal
with you.
Jeremy slinks off as Margot arrives, agitated.
MARGOT
Can someone please tell Rick that he is
not the only Sigma Chi with a big penis?

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 3.
CONTINUED: 3


ELLE (O.S.)
You guys are so sweet!

ELLE, a vision of fluffy blondeness, runs down the stairs
toward Serena and Margot, holding the card.
ELLE (CONT'D)
But I ' m not positive it's gonna happen
tonight —
. SERENA
Helloo...he just had lunch with his
grandmother. You know he got "The Rock".
MARGOT
Why else would she have flown in from
Newport? It's not like she'd Fed Ex a
six carat diamond.
ELLE
(excited)
You think?
SERENA
I can't believe you're getting engaged!
• . .
The three girls jump up and down, squealing and hugging.
ELLE
C'mon •— you have to help me pick out the
perfect outfit.

As they head toward the door, Elle spots AMY, a shy girl in a
Delta Gamma Pledge sweatshirt, standing alone.

ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Amy, what's wrong?

AMY
I don't really — know anyone.

ELLE
(teasing)
That's because you spend too much time in
the library. Come with me.
(to Serena and Margot)
I'll meet you outside.
As they go, Elle leads Amy over to a group of jovial Sigma
Chi brothers.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 4.
CONTINUED: ( 2 ) 3


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Brandon, Jason, Grant —this is Amy.
Why don't you tell her about the time you
guys went golfing naked?

Elle winks at Amy and.heads off as the guys launch into their
story.
BRANDON
It was classic. Jason hit with wood all
day.
GRANT
And we never ran out of balls —
Amy laughs.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary In a daytime scene at the pink-decorated Delta Gamma sorority house of USC, blonde Elle Woods collects signatures from her blonde sorority sisters on a handmade card for her boyfriend Warner. After they exchange well-wishes, Elle's dog, Underdog, delivers the card to Warner, foreshadowing Warner's upcoming proposal to Elle.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Vibrant atmosphere
  • Well-defined characters
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant conflict
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively sets the tone for the story, introduces key characters, and establishes a sense of camaraderie and anticipation. The dialogue is witty and engaging, and the overall atmosphere is vibrant and engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of following Elle Woods and her sorority sisters as they prepare for a significant event is engaging and sets the stage for character development and plot progression.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around Elle's upcoming engagement and the interactions between characters at the sorority house. It sets the foundation for future events and conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces familiar themes of friendship, social hierarchy, and appearance but adds a fresh perspective through witty dialogue, visual storytelling, and character interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, each with their unique personalities and dynamics. Elle is portrayed as bubbly and caring, while her friends exhibit different traits that add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to feel accepted and loved by her sorority sisters and peers. Elle Woods seeks validation and approval from her friends, as seen through her excitement about the card and engagement rumors.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to prepare for a potential engagement and pick out the perfect outfit for the occasion. Elle is focused on her appearance and social status, reflecting the immediate circumstances of the upcoming event.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

There is a hint of conflict in the scene, mainly in the form of anticipation and uncertainty regarding Elle's engagement. However, it is not the central focus.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with minor conflicts and obstacles that add tension and drama to the interactions between characters. The audience is kept guessing about the outcomes and resolutions of the characters' dilemmas.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are relatively high for Elle as she anticipates her engagement, but the overall tone remains light-hearted and fun.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key elements, characters, and setting the stage for future events, particularly Elle's engagement.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions, humorous dialogue, and shifting dynamics between characters. The engagement and excitement are heightened by the element of surprise and unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between superficiality and authenticity evident in this scene. The emphasis on appearance, social status, and material possessions challenges the protagonist's beliefs about true friendship and genuine connections.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of joy, camaraderie, and excitement, resonating with the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the relationships between characters. It adds to the light-hearted and playful tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic characters, witty dialogue, and fast-paced interactions. The audience is drawn into the glamorous world of the sorority house, experiencing the excitement, drama, and social dynamics of the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and visual descriptions that maintain the audience's interest and momentum. The rhythm and flow of the scene contribute to its effectiveness and engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character descriptions, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines enhance the readability and visual impact of the scene.

Structure: 9

The structure and formatting of the scene follow the expected format for its genre, effectively transitioning between different locations, characters, and interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness and engagement.


Critique
  • The scene is a bit too long and could be shortened to make it more concise and engaging.
  • The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural. It could be improved by making it more conversational and adding more subtext.
  • The characters are not very well-developed and could be fleshed out more to make them more relatable and interesting.
  • The scene lacks conflict and tension. It could be improved by adding some obstacles or challenges for the characters to overcome.
Suggestions
  • Cut down on the exposition and focus on the action and dialogue.
  • Make the dialogue more natural and conversational by adding more contractions, slang, and colloquialisms.
  • Add more depth to the characters by giving them more backstory and motivations.
  • Add conflict and tension by creating obstacles or challenges for the characters to overcome.



Scene 2 -  Elle's Proposal Preparations: A Dress Fitting Adventure
INT. SUNSET PLAZA BOUTIQUE - DAY

Serena and Margot watch as Elle stands in front of a mirror,
trying on a Herve Leger white mini-dress. Sexy and ultra-
tight. ;

ELLE
Too demure?

MARGOT
I think you should go with red. It's the
color of confidence.
ELLE
Well, I don't want to look like I know
what's coming. . .
SERENA
I don't understand why you're completely
disregarding your signature color.
She holds up a tiny pink slipdress.
ELLE
He's proposing! I can't look like I
would on any date. This is the date. The
night I'll always remember. I want to
look special. Bridal . . . but not like I
suspect anything.
ACROSS THE STORE

A SALESWOMAN looks at her cohort.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 5.
CONTINUED: 4


SALESWOMAN
(sot.to)
There ' s nothing I love more than a dumb
blonde with daddy's plastic.
She grabs a dress off the Clearance Sale rack, ripping off
the "HALF PRICE" TAG.

ON ELLE AND THE GIRLS
. SERENA
I can't wait to see you wearing The Rock!

Elle looks at them, suddenly concerned.
ELLE
What if — you know — it's not the
night?

MARGOT
Why else would he be taking you to The
Ivy? You've been dating for a year —
it's not like he's trying to impress you. *

SERENA *
Elle, you've heard the man pass gas in *
his sleep. That practically means you're *
pre-engaged. '"*
The Saleswoman approaches with the dress, kiss-assy smile on
her face.
SALESWOMAN
Did you see this one? We just got it in
yesterday.
Elle fingers the dress, then the new price tag, looking back
at the saleswoman, excited.
ELLE
Is this a low-viscosity rayon?
SALESWOMAN
Uh, yes — of course.
ELLE
With half-loop top-stitching on the hem?
SALESWOMAN
(smiling a lie)
Absolutely. It's one of a kind.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 6.
CONTINUED: ( 2 ) . • 4


^ Elle hands the dress back to her, no longer pretending to be
excited.

ELLE
It's impossible to use a half-loop
topstitch on low-viscosity rayon. It
would snag the fabric. And you didn't
just get this in, because I remember it
from the June Vogue a year ago, so if
you're trying to sell it to me at full
price, you picked the wrong girl.

The saleswoman slinks off, embarrassed.

MARGOT
(to the saleswoman)
Nice try...

Elle shakes her head and turns back to the girls as she slips
on her Manolo Blahnik sandals, doing one last mirror check,
smoothing down her golden mane.

ELLE
(dramatically)
Girls, this is it. In a few hours, I'll
be the future Mrs. Warner Huntington III.

5 EXT, DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - NIGHT

An attractive male finger presses the doorbell.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary In this light-hearted and exciting scene, Elle, accompanied by Serena and Margot, goes to the Sunset Plaza Boutique to find the perfect dress for her special date with Jason, where she expects a proposal. A saleswoman attempts to upsell Elle an expensive dress with false claims, but Elle, who has knowledge of fashion, quickly sees through the lies and rejects the dress. Elle finds and purchases a different dress that she likes, ending the scene as she prepares to leave the boutique.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Emotional engagement
Weaknesses
  • Stereotypical portrayal of a blonde character
  • Limited diversity in characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, humorous, and sets up anticipation for a significant event. The dialogue is witty, and the characters are well-defined.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elle preparing for a special date and potentially a proposal is intriguing and relatable. The scene effectively conveys Elle's excitement and nerves.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around Elle's anticipation of a proposal and her preparation for a special date. It sets up future events and adds depth to Elle's character.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the romantic comedy genre by focusing on the anticipation and preparation for a proposal, rather than the proposal itself. The characters' dialogue and interactions feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Elle and her friends, are well-developed and have distinct personalities. Their interactions drive the scene and provide humor and insight into their relationships.

Character Changes: 7

Elle experiences a shift in confidence and anticipation as she prepares for the date. Her interactions with her friends also show her growth and self-assurance.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to look special and bridal for a significant event without giving away that she knows what's coming. This reflects her desire to appear confident and surprised, as well as her fear of appearing too eager or expectant.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to choose the right outfit for a proposal and maintain the appearance of surprise. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing her desire to look special with the need to appear unaware of the proposal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between Elle and the saleswoman, adding tension to the scene. Elle's internal conflict about the upcoming date also adds depth.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising from Elle's internal and external goals, as well as the challenges presented by the saleswoman and the characters' expectations.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elle as she prepares for a potentially life-changing moment. The anticipation of the proposal adds tension and excitement to the scene.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting up Elle's anticipation of the proposal and her preparation for the date. It adds depth to the characters and sets the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected conflicts and challenges for the characters, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Elle's desire to appear special and bridal while also maintaining a sense of surprise and spontaneity. This challenges her beliefs about relationships, appearances, and expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of excitement, anticipation, and humor. Elle's excitement about the proposal and her interactions with her friends create an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the characters' personalities. It adds depth to the scene and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it builds tension and anticipation for the upcoming proposal, while also revealing the characters' personalities and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, while also allowing for moments of humor and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a romantic comedy genre, with a focus on character interactions, dialogue, and setting.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and could be shortened by cutting out some of the dialogue.
  • The dialogue could be more natural and less forced.
  • The scene could be more visually interesting by adding more movement and action.
  • The characters could be more developed by giving them more depth and motivation.
Suggestions
  • Cut out some of the dialogue and make it more natural and less forced.
  • Add more movement and action to the scene.
  • Give the characters more depth and motivation.



Scene 3 -  The Breakup at The Ivy
6 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT - SAME TIME

Amy peeks through the peephole and turns.

AMY
(whispering)
He's here!

Elle, standing nearby with Margot and Serena and several
other DG's, smooths down her dress and takes a deep breath,
opening the door to find —

WARNER HUNTINGTON, III, 21, tall, chiseled and outrageously
handsome. He takes her in, a smile spreading across his
face.

WARNER
You're beautiful.

ELLE
So are you!


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) .7.
CONTINUED: 6


She looks up at him, blushing and completely smitten. They
kiss. After a moment,-Warner extracts himself.

WARNER
(nervous)
You ready?

Her face is awash with devotion.

ELLE
I am so ready.

7 EXT. THE IVY - NIGHT

Warner and Elle are seated at a cozy table on the patio.
Elle takes a sip from her freshly poured champagne flute.
Nervous and excited.
ELLE
Here's to ~ us.
Warner is slower to sip his.
WARNER
The reason I wanted to come here tonight
was to discuss our future.
Elle is on the edge of her seat.
ELLE
I ' m fully amenable to that discussion.
WARNER
I mean, we're having a lot of fun now —
but things are gonna be different when
I ' m at Harvard Law school is a completely
different world. I need to be serious.
ELLE
Of course.
WARNER
My family expects a lot from me. And I
expect a lot from me. I .plan on running
for office some day.
ELLE
And I fully support that.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 8.
7 CONTINUED: 7


WARNER
But the thing is, if I ' m gonna be a
senator by the time I ' m thirty — I can't
keep dicking around.
ELLE
I completely agree.
WARNER
That's why I think it's time for us to—
Elle takes a deep breath, filled with anticipation.
WARNER (CONT'D)
(continuing) . . • > . ' .
I think we should break up.
Elle's champagne glass drops from her hand and CRASHES onto
the patio.
ELLE
What?
Elle starts to flush, completely caught off guard.
WARNER
I ' m sorry, Elle, I just —
ELLE
You're breaking up with me?!
(tearing up)
I thought you were proposing.
WARNER
Proposing?! Elle, If I ' m going to be a
politician, I need to marry a Jackie, not
a — Marilyn.
ELLE
(stunned)
You're breaking up with me because I ' m
too -- blonde?
WARNER
That's not entirely —
ELLE
Then what? My boobs are too big?
WARNER.
Elle — no --• your boobs are fine —
Her tears start.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) .9.
CONTINUED: (2) i

ELLE
So when you said you'd always love me,
you were just "dicking around"?
Warner looks around the restaurant nervously.
WARNER
I do love you, Elle. I just can't marry you.
You have no idea the pressure I ' m under. My
family has five generations of senators. My
brother is in the top three at Yale Law. He • *
just got engaged to a Vanderbilt, for crissakes. *
Elle stares at him aghast, tears streaming down her face,
then pushes her chair away from the table and walks out.
WARNER (CONT'D)
(continuing)
It's not like I have a choice, sweetheart *

He follows her out.
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Amy summons Elle to meet Warner at The Ivy restaurant, where he surprises her with a romantic gesture. However, their conversation takes a devastating turn when Warner reveals his intention to discuss their future, leading to a heartbreaking breakup. Elle is left in tears, with Warner following her as she leaves the restaurant.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character development
  • Engaging plot
Weaknesses
  • Stereotypical gender roles
  • Lack of diversity in character representation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 10

The scene effectively combines romance, drama, and comedy, keeping the audience engaged and emotionally invested.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a romantic date turning into a breakup is compelling and sets up a strong emotional conflict.

Plot: 10

The plot is well-developed, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drives the story forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the romantic comedy genre by exploring themes of ambition, societal expectations, and personal identity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 10

The characters are well-defined and their emotions are portrayed authentically, making the audience empathize with their struggles.

Character Changes: 9

Elle undergoes a significant emotional transformation, from hopeful and in love to devastated and heartbroken, showcasing her resilience and strength.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to maintain her relationship with Warner and secure a future with him. This reflects her desire for love, acceptance, and validation.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to navigate her relationship with Warner and potentially secure a proposal from him. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing personal desires with societal expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 10

The conflict between Elle and Warner is intense and emotional, driving the scene forward and keeping the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Warner's decision to break up with Elle creates a significant obstacle for her to overcome. The audience is left wondering how Elle will navigate this unexpected turn of events.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Elle's relationship with Warner is at risk, and her future plans and dreams are shattered in an instant.

Story Forward: 10

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major conflict and setting up future developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations of a romantic proposal, leading to a surprising and emotional breakup. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between authenticity and conformity. Warner represents the pressure to conform to societal expectations and family legacy, while Elle embodies authenticity and individuality. This challenges Elle's beliefs about love and acceptance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 10

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, ranging from love and hope to disappointment and heartbreak.

Dialogue: 10

The dialogue is sharp, emotional, and reveals the characters' true feelings and motivations, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, drama, and emotional depth to create a compelling narrative. The audience is invested in Elle's journey and the outcome of her relationship with Warner.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a gradual reveal of Warner's intentions and Elle's emotional response. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character emotions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a romantic comedy, with a buildup of tension, a dramatic reveal, and a resolution that sets up future conflict. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene starts off well with the anticipation of a romantic moment between Elle and Warner, but the revelation of the breakup feels abrupt and lacks proper build-up.
  • The dialogue in the scene leading up to the breakup is too on-the-nose, with Warner explicitly stating his intentions and Elle agreeing too readily. This can make the characters seem shallow and lacking in subtext.
  • Warner's reasons for breaking up with Elle are not fully explored, and the comparison between Jackie and Marilyn feels like a cliché. This can make the scene feel superficial and not grounded in the characters' motivations.
  • Elle's reaction to the breakup is too subdued, and her tears come too quickly. This can make her character seem passive and lacking in agency.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtle hints throughout the scene that Warner is not fully committed to the relationship, to make his breakup revelation feel more natural and less abrupt.
  • Experiment with subtext in the dialogue, allowing the audience to infer the characters' intentions rather than explicitly stating them. This can make the scene feel more nuanced and engaging.
  • Develop Warner's reasons for breaking up with Elle further, making them more personal and specific to the characters. This can make the scene feel more grounded and emotionally resonant.
  • Explore Elle's reaction to the breakup more deeply, allowing her to express a wider range of emotions and show her resilience in the face of adversity. This can make her character seem more active and relatable.



Scene 4 -  A Night of Heartbreak and Support
8 EXT.' STREET - NIGHT 8
Elle teeters down the sidewalk as best she can in her three *
inch heels, sobbing. Warner pulls up alongside her in his
convertible Saab.
WARNER
C'mon. Let me take you home.
ELLE
No.
WARNER
Elle — it's twenty miles back to campus.
Elle stops, thinks a minute, then gets in, still crying.
Catching her poofy little purse in the door. She re-opens
it, yanking the purse back in. Warner pulls out.
9 EXT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - USC - NIGHT 9
Warner pulls up in front. It's a starry, romantic night.
Everything should be perfect. It's not.
Elle sits, still in shock, as tears continue to eke out.
WARNER
Elle, believe me, I never expected to be
doing this, but I think it's the right
thing to do.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 10.
CONTINUED: 9


ELLE
How can it be the right thing if we're
not together?
WARNER .
I have to think about my future. And what
people expect from me.
ELLE
So you're breaking up with me because
you're afraid your family won't like me?
(through her tears)
Everybody likes me!
WARNER
East coast people are different.
ELLE
Just because I ' m not a Vanderbilt, all of
a sudden I ' m white trash? I grew up in
Bel Air, Warner! Across the street from
Aaron Spelling! I think most people
would agree that's way better than a
Vanderbilt —
WARNER
I told you, Elle. I need someone —
serious.
ELLE
I ' m seriously in love with you — Isn't
that enough? He looks away.
WARNER
I'm sorry.
She gets out of the car and drags herself up the stairs to
her sorority house. When she's at the top, she turns back to
look at him. His perfect cheekbones highlighted by the
streetlamp.
He meets her eyes, pained, but determined. Then pulls away,
leaving her there.
10 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - USC - NIGHT 10

Elle walks down the pink and green carpeted hall, dazed and
tear-stained.
Margot and Serena emerge from the bathroom, post-shower.
Getting ready for a night out.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) . 1:L-

10 CONTINUED: 10


MARGOT
Why are you back so soon?

Serena sees Elle's bare hand.
SERENA .
Did he forget the ring?
Elle silently walks into her room. Serena and Margot follow,
worried.
11 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS 11

Elle slumps down in an inflatable chair, hugging her knees
and cowering in a wretched little ball. Underdog stares at
her, concerned.
Serena and Margot stand in the door.
MARGOT
Elle?
SERENA
Where's the Rock?
ELLE •.*
We're not engaged. It's over! .•.*
SERENA AND MARGOT *
What?! *
ELLE *.
He broke up with me! *
Serena and Margot gasp in horror, rushing to her side. *
SERENA
Is it a Kappa?
MARGOT
It's not a Theta —
ELLE
No — it's just — not me.

I ' m canceling the mixer. We'll blacklist
Sigma Chi.
ELLE
Thank you, Serena, but I don't think
it'll do any good.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 12.
11 CONTINUED: 11


SERENA
What happened?

Elle starts to lose it again.
; ELLE
I don't know! Everything was normal at
first and then he said he needed someone
more —
(sob-choked)
Serious! .

MARGOT
Serious?! Who the hell does he think he
is? Y ou're the most popu lar month on the
USC calendar!
She points to Elle's "Miss June" page, hanging on the wall.
SERENA
Oh, he is so over on this campus.
ELLE
I just don 't underst and what went wrong —
MARGOT
Maybe it's the grandmother. Have you
e ve r me t he r?
Elle wipes her face.
ELLE
Last month on his birthday. And she
liked me! She said I looked like Britney
Spears. Why would you say that to
someone you didn't like?

They shrug, mystified.

SERENA
How could this happen?

ELLE
I don't know! I don't know anything any
more!
(wiping a tear)
I just need to be by myself.

SERENA
Are you sure?

Elle nods. The girls rise, hugging her.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 13.
11 CONTINUED: (2) 11


MARGOT
We still love you. Sisters forever!
ELLE
(sniffling)
Thank you. I love you, too.
As they go, Margot looks at Serena.
MARGOT
Oh, God. What if Josh doesn't think I ' m
serious enough? .
SERENA
Helloo... you let him have anal sex with
you.
(TV VERSION) *
Helloo... you let him videotape you *
diddling yourself. •*
MARGOT
You're right. Phew!
As the girls go, they shut the door behind them.
Elle gets up and grabs a FRAMED PHOTO of Warner, then lies
down on her bed, clutching it to her heart. Underdog leaps
up and gives her little doggy kisses.
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Elle, devastated after being dumped by Warner, is driven home by him only to have him end the relationship. She tearfully confides in her sorority sisters, Serena and Margot, who console her and try to make sense of the situation. The scene takes place at night, transitioning from a street to the Delta Gamma sorority house, and is filled with emotional dialogue and visuals of Elle's distress. The conflict between Elle and Warner remains unresolved, and the scene concludes with Elle, distraught, holding a photo of Warner while her dog, Underdog, showers her with affection.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Humor
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil of a breakup while also incorporating humor to lighten the mood, creating a well-rounded and engaging narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a breakup and the aftermath is well-executed, with a good balance of emotional depth and comedic elements.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses smoothly, focusing on Elle's breakup with Warner and her emotional response, leading to a compelling and relatable storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on relationships and social status, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Elle and her sorority sisters, are well-developed and showcase a range of emotions, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Elle undergoes a significant emotional change, transitioning from a hopeful romantic to a heartbroken individual, showcasing a compelling character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to understand why her relationship ended and to come to terms with the rejection. This reflects her deeper need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to cope with the breakup and maintain her social status within her sorority. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in dealing with the aftermath of the relationship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Elle and Warner, as well as Elle's internal struggle, creates tension and keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elle facing a difficult breakup and the challenge of maintaining her social status.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elle as she faces the end of her relationship with Warner and must navigate the aftermath, adding tension and emotional weight to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Elle's emotional journey post-breakup and setting the stage for her character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected breakup and the characters' reactions to the situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between Elle's belief in love and authenticity versus Warner's focus on social status and family expectations. This challenges Elle's values and worldview, as she questions the superficial reasons for the breakup.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in Elle's heartbreaking breakup and her vulnerability, leading to a powerful emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and relationships between the characters, with a good mix of heartfelt moments and comedic exchanges.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth of the characters, the witty dialogue, and the relatable themes of love and rejection.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, keeping the audience engaged and invested in Elle's story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with clear stage directions and character actions. The dialogue is natural and believable, which helps to convey the emotions of the characters.
  • The pacing of the scene is good, with a clear progression of emotions as Elle processes the breakup. However, the scene could benefit from more description of the characters' expressions, gestures, and body language to help the reader visualize the emotions more vividly.
  • The use of humor in the scene is effective in lightening the mood and providing some relief from the emotional heaviness. The dialogue between Serena and Margot, for example, adds some levity to the scene and helps to break up the tension.
  • The scene could benefit from more specificity in the setting. While the location is established, there is little description of the environment, which could help to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the scene, such as the sound of Elle's heels on the sidewalk, the smell of the night air, or the feeling of the cool wind on her face. These details can help to create a more vivid and engaging experience for the reader.
  • Consider adding more description of the characters' expressions and body language to help convey their emotions more clearly. For example, you could describe the look on Warner's face as he delivers the news, or the way Elle's shoulders slump as she gets out of the car.
  • Consider adding more specificity to the setting. For example, you could describe the color of the sky, the sound of traffic in the background, or the feeling of the cool marble steps as Elle walks up to the sorority house.
  • Consider adding more tension to the scene by prolonging the moment before Elle gets in the car with Warner. This could help to build anticipation and make the breakup more impactful.



Scene 5 -  Elle's Melancholy: Navigating a Breakup and Uncertain Future
12 EXT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - DAY 12

The sun rises on a sad day. "HOPELESSLY DEVOTED" by Olivia *•
Newton-John plays. . *
13 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY 13

Amy knocks on Elle's door.

AMY
Elle?
ANOTHER SISTER passes.

ANOTHER SISTER •
(whispering)
Didn't you hear?
She leads a reluctant Amy down the hall.
14 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY 14

Spread out on the bed are PICTURES of Elle and Warner: The
Sigma Chi formal; their Homecoming Queen and King "wave"; *
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 14.
14 CONTINUED: 14

a 60's party; Mardi Gras night; beach weekend at Coronado.
Next to the pictures are thirty dried Ecuardorian long-
stemmed pink roses, remnants of their one year anniversary.
In the center sits Elle, wearing Warner's old oversized Sigma
Chi t-shirt, clutching a Gund teddybear. Depressed and
looking like hell, she speaks to an unseen confidante.
ELLE
I just love him so much! I loved him the
first moment I saw him. He's beautiful
and smart and someone I totally respect.
And I did everything I could to make him
love me, but it wasn't enough. Now what
am I supposed to do? I planned my whole
future around him. My life was going to
be all about Warner. Now what's it going
to be about?
She looks up — waiting. Staring back at her is Underdog —
who sadly has no answers for her.
15 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY 15

Elle remains in bed, Underdog now clutched to her chest,
soaps on the TV.
TV SOAP STUD
(on TV)
"Oh, darling. I'll love you forever."
ELLE
(teary)
Bullshit!
Serena and Margot enter, bearing Jamba Juice. *
MARGOT *
Honey, stop! You have to leave this room *
— it's been a week. *
ELLE
So?
+

Serena sits down on the edge of the bed, trying to psyche *
Elle up.
SERENA *
What's the thing that always makes us *
feel better, no matter what? . *
MARGOT *
Cunnilingus? *
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 15.
15 CONTINUED: 15


Elle lets out a wail, realizing what she'll be missing. *
Serena shoots Margot a stern look. *
SERENA *
No — the thing after that, *

16 INT. UPSCALE MANICURE SHOP - DAY 16 *

A row of uniformed manicurists and their classy clients. *
Chattering away. Therapy in full session. Serena sits in
front of her regular nail technician.

SERENA
It was awful. We all thought she'd be
the first to walk down the aisle and now
she's totally adrift.

The nail technician shakes her head in shared girl-power-
angst — looking over at Elle, who sits in the waiting area,
shell-shocked, but showered. *

Elle picks up the only magazine left on the table — "Town &
Country". She wrinkles her nose. An OLD LADY next to her
reads "Seventeen". Elle looks at her, begrudging the access
to teen beauty tips, and flips through "Town & Country"
noisily until she freezes on— the Engagement Section. She
gasps.
ELLE
Oh, my God! .
She looks at a PHOTO of a horse-faced YOUNG WOMAN standing
next to a THREE-YEARS-OLDER VERSION OF WARNER. She turns to
the old lady next to her.

ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Do you know who this is?

The old lady looks.

OLD LADY
No.

ELLE
It's Warner's older brother!

OLD LADY
Who?

Elle continues, undaunted.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 16.
16 CONTINUED: 16


ELLE
He just got engaged to this — this very
unfortunate-looking girl.
(reading)
"Third year Yale Law student Putnam Bowes
Huntington III and his fiance Layne
Walker Vanderbilt, first year Yale Law."
She turns to the old lady.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
This is the type-of girl Warner wants to
marry. This is what I need to become to
be serious.
The old lady looks at the picture.
OLD LADY
Butt ugly?
ELLE
No -- a law student.
Elle rushes out. Serena looks after her.
SERENA
Elle?
(turning back to her nail
technician)
She'll never get him back with those
cuticles.
Genres: ["Romance","Comedy","Drama"]

Summary The scene opens with Amy finding Elle, a Delta Gamma sister, distraught over her breakup with Warner. Serena and Margot arrive with Jamba Juice to console Elle, who laments about her future plans centered around Warner. The setting transitions to an upscale manicure shop where Elle learns about Warner's older brother's engagement, prompting her to focus on self-improvement. The main conflict lies in Elle's struggle to cope with her breakup and the uncertainty of her future. The emotional tone is primarily sad and melancholic, with moments of hope as the characters try to help Elle move forward.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Revelation about Warner's preferences
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil Elle is experiencing while also introducing a new revelation about Warner's preferences.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of heartbreak and self-discovery is well-executed, providing depth to Elle's character and setting up potential growth.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with Elle's breakup and the revelation about Warner's ideal partner, setting the stage for future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the breakup narrative by incorporating humor, societal commentary, and character growth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the familiar theme of heartbreak.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Elle's emotional journey is compelling, and the introduction of Warner's preferences adds complexity to the characters.

Character Changes: 8

Elle undergoes a significant emotional change as she grapples with the breakup and the realization about Warner's expectations.

Internal Goal: 8

{"What is the protagonist's internal goal in this scene? How does it reflect their deeper needs, fears, or desires?":"The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with her breakup and figure out her identity and future without her ex-boyfriend. It reflects her need for validation, fear of being alone, and desire for self-worth and independence."}

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find a way to move on from her ex-boyfriend and redefine her future without him. It reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with heartbreak and societal expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Elle's expectations and reality, as well as the revelation about Warner's preferences, creates tension and emotional depth.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to challenge the protagonist's beliefs and motivations, creating tension and conflict that drive the narrative forward. The uncertainty of the outcome keeps the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elle as she faces the end of her relationship and the pressure to conform to societal norms.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and character dynamics that will shape future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it subverts expectations of a typical breakup scene by incorporating humor and societal commentary. The protagonist's journey towards self-discovery adds layers of complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

{"Is there a philosophical conflict (two competing value systems) evident in this scene? If so, describe it. How does it challenge or relate to the protagonist's beliefs, values, or worldview?":"The philosophical conflict is between Elle's personal values of love and authenticity versus societal expectations of status and conformity. It challenges her beliefs about what it means to be successful and happy in a relationship."}


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience through Elle's heartbreak and self-reflection.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys Elle's emotions and the humor in the scene, but could be more impactful in certain moments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it balances emotional depth with humor, creating a relatable and compelling narrative. The interactions between characters and the protagonist's internal struggle keep the audience invested.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional beats with comedic moments, creating a dynamic and engaging rhythm. The scene transitions smoothly between locations and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The use of dialogue enhances character development and plot progression.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with a clear sense of Elle's emotional state and her struggle to cope with the breakup. However, the use of the word 'bullshit' in Elle's dialogue may not be appropriate for all audiences and could be replaced with a less offensive term.
  • The scene could benefit from more description of Elle's physical and emotional state, to help the reader visualize and empathize with her feelings of heartbreak and loss.
  • The dialogue between Serena, Margot, and Elle is realistic and engaging, but the joke about cunnilingus may be considered inappropriate or offensive by some readers. It might be more effective to have Serena and Margot offer words of comfort and support, rather than making a crude joke.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the scene, such as the smell of the flowers or the texture of the teddybear, to help the reader connect more deeply with Elle's emotions.
  • Consider having Serena and Margot offer more specific advice or support to Elle, such as encouraging her to pursue her own interests or reminding her of her strengths and talents.
  • Consider replacing the word 'bullshit' with a less offensive term, such as 'nonsense' or 'hogwash', to make the scene more accessible to a wider audience.



Scene 6 -  Elle's Surprising Ambition: A Step Closer to Winning Warner Back
17 INT. COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY 17

Elle sits in front of her ADVISOR.
ADVISOR
(flummoxed)
Harvard Law School?
ELLE
That's right.
ADVISOR
But it's a top three school —
ELLE
(offended)
I have a 4.0.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 17.
17 CONTINUED: 17


ADVISOR
Yes, but your major is Fashion
Merchandising. Harvard won't be
impressed that you aced "History of
Lycra". What are your backups?
ELLE
I don't need backups. Harvard is the
school I' m going to.
He decides to humor her.
ADVISOR
Well, then. You'll need excellent
recommendations from your professors, a
heck of an admissions essay and at least
a one-seventy-five on your LSATs.
ELLE
(confident)
I once had to judge a Theta Chi Tighty-
Whitey contest. Trust me— I can handle
anything.
18 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY 18

Elle sits on the floor surrounded by piles of LSAT prep
books, the framed photo of Warner, and Underdog.
There's a KNOCK at the door as Serena and Margot peek inside,
gasping in horror at the sight of books.
MARGOT
What are you doing?!
Elle smiles brightly at them.
ELLE
Reading about the LSATs.
Margot looks at Serena, confused.
SERENA
(in a horrified whisper)
My cousin had them. Apparently you get a
really bad rash on your —
Elle interrupts her.
ELLE
The LSATs are an exam.
She takes a deep breath.
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 18.
18 CONTINUED: 18


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Girls— I ' m going to Harvard!

• SERENA
What, like on va-kay?

MARGOT
Let's all go! Road trip!

. SERENA
Wait — Cecil has a condo in Tahoe.
Let's go there!
ELLE
No — I ' m going to law school at Harvard.

They look at her, confused.

MARGOT
Why?!

SERENA
I mean, I know you're upset and all, but
can't you just take a sedative?
Elle rolls her eyes at their naivete.
ELLE
Once Warner sees me as a serious law
student, he'll want me back. It's a
completely brilliant plan!
MARGOT
But isn't it kind of hard to get into law
school?
ELLE
I have the highest GPA in Delta Gamma!
Margot pulls something off her wrist and hands it to Elle.
MARGOT
Here. You're gonna need this.
ELLE
Your scrunchie?
MARGOT
My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass
Spanish.
Serena rolls her eyes and looks at Margot disapprovingly.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 19.
18 CONTINUED: (2) 18


SERENA
You passed Spanish because you gave
Professor Montoya a hand-job after the
final.

MARGOT
(duh)
Yeah, luckily.
A MONTAGE OF THE NEXT 3 MONTHS BEGINS WITH...
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Elle meets with her advisor to discuss applying to Harvard Law School, despite her major being Fashion Merchandising. The advisor tells her she needs excellent recommendations, a great admissions essay, and a high LSAT score. Back at her sorority house, Elle tells her friends she's going to Harvard, but they don't understand why. Elle explains it's to win Warner back, and Margot gives her a lucky scrunchie for good luck. The scene is lighthearted and humorous, but there's also a sense of uncertainty and confusion as Elle's friends struggle to understand her motivations.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Witty dialogue
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the sorority sister interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor and drama, showcasing Elle's determination and the comedic interactions between characters.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Elle pursuing Harvard Law School despite her fashion background is unique and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around Elle's decision to go to Harvard Law School to win back her ex-boyfriend, providing a clear direction for the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic 'underdog' story, with a focus on female empowerment and academic success. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Elle and her sorority sisters, are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

Elle undergoes a significant change in her goals and aspirations, shifting from focusing on her ex-boyfriend to pursuing her own dreams.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to prove herself as a serious law student and win back Warner's affections. This reflects her deeper desire for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to get into Harvard Law School. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in achieving her academic and personal aspirations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is internal conflict for Elle as she navigates her future plans and external conflict with her sorority sisters' lack of understanding.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Elle's friends' skepticism and lack of support, adding conflict and obstacles to her goals.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are high for Elle as she embarks on a new path to prove herself and win back her ex-boyfriend.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Elle's new goal of getting into Harvard Law School and sets up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the humor that arises from their misunderstandings.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between Elle's belief in her own abilities and determination to succeed, and her friends' skepticism and lack of understanding.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of disappointment, confusion, and determination, especially in Elle's character.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, sarcastic, and humorous, reflecting the personalities of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, relatable characters, and the tension between Elle's goals and her friends' skepticism.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and humor, with a good balance between dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and character names.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear dialogue and scene descriptions that move the story forward.


Critique
  • The scene's primary focus is on Elle's determination to get into Harvard Law School to win back Warner, which might not be a strong enough motivation for a character who is otherwise portrayed as intelligent and ambitious. Consider developing a more compelling reason for Elle's pursuit of higher education.
  • The dialogue between Elle and her advisor could benefit from more development. The advisor's initial disbelief and Elle's quick response don't provide enough depth to the conversation. Adding more substance to this interaction would make the scene more engaging and realistic.
  • The confusion and lack of understanding from Elle's friends Serena and Margot regarding her decision to attend Harvard Law School seems unrealistic, given their previous support and encouragement. Make sure to maintain consistency in the characters' personalities and behaviors.
Suggestions
  • Develop a more substantial motivation for Elle's pursuit of Harvard Law School, such as a personal ambition or a desire to make a difference in the world.
  • Expand the dialogue between Elle and her advisor to include more information about the challenges of getting into Harvard Law School and the importance of having a solid backup plan.
  • Make sure Serena and Margot's reactions to Elle's decision are consistent with their characters and previous support for her academic pursuits. Consider having them express excitement or offer to help her prepare for the LSATs.



Scene 7 -  Elle Woods' Multi-tasking and Frustration: Balancing Sorority Life and LSAT Preparation
19 EXT. WOODS' BEL AIR BACKYARD - DAY 19
ON VIDEO, Elle sits in a Jacuzzi in her bikini.

ELLE
(to the camera)
My name is Elle Woods and for my
admissions essay, I ' d like to tell all of
you at Harvard why I ' m going to make an *
amazing lawyer.

20 INT. KAPPA SIG LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 20

The girls watch a horror movie with Kappa Sigs. Eating
popcorn and drinking red wine.

Off to the side, Elle reads an LSAT Study Guide.

21 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 21

ON VIDEO, a Delta Gamma chapter meeting takes place.

ELLE (V.O.)
As president of my sorority, I ' m skilled
at commanding the attention of a room and
discussing important issues.
Elle bangs a gavel, as she sits in front of her sisters.
ELLE (CONT'D) *
~ It has come to my attention that the *
maintenance staff is switching our toilet *
paper from Charmin to generic. All those *
opposed to chafing, pleas.e say "aye". *
The sisters "AYE" in unison. Underdog barks his approval. *
22 INT. CLASSROOM - NIGHT 22

"LSAT Prep Course" is written on the board. Elle and forty
other law school hopefuls take notes furiously as practice
questions are reviewed.
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 20.



23 EXT. WOODS BACKYARD POOL - DAY 23 *

ON VIDEO, FROM ABOVE, we see Elle as she floats on a raft in
her pool, in a pink Versace bikini. She addresses the *
camera. *
ELLE
(to the camera)
I ' m able to recall hundreds of important
details at the drop of a hat.
We reveal Margot on a raft beside her. *
MARGOT
(badly acting)
Elle, do you know what happened on "Days
of Our Lives" yesterday?
ELLE
Why, yes, Margot, I do. Once again, we
joined Hope in the search for her
identity. As you know, she's been .
brainwashed by the evil Stefano —
24 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 24

Elle takes a practice LSAT exam as Serena, Margot and a few
other Delta Gammas do their butt-crunches in the Delta Gamma
living room.
Serena, while clenching her tush, hits a stop watch and Elle
starts writing furiously.
DISSOLVE TO:
Margot is now on all-fours, doing donkey kicks as she grades
Elle's practice exam. She writes "143" on top and holds it
up to Elle.
Elle slumps with frustration.
25 EXT. BEACH - DAY • 25
ON VIDEO, Elle is rollerblading in shorts and a tank top.

ELLE
(to the camera)
And the laws and bi-laws of civil
obedience are crucial to my life —
Serena skates by and fake-elbows Elle.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 21.
25 CONTINUED: 25


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing; calling after her)
No shoving on the skate path! City
ordinance 22G!
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Elle Woods records her Harvard admissions essay while studying for the LSAT, reviewing flashcards, and taking practice tests. She also participates in sorority activities as president of Delta Gamma, multitasks by studying during a horror movie night with Kappa Sigmas, and interacts with her sorority sisters, studies with her classmates, and addresses her Kappa Sig sisters during the movie night. The scene takes place in various locations, including Woods' backyard Jacuzzi and pool, Delta Gamma house living room, an LSAT prep course classroom, and a beach, during the day or night as indicated. The tone is light-hearted and humorous, with Elle's voiceover providing a satirical take on her experiences and abilities. The scene ends with Elle growing frustrated after receiving a low score on her practice LSAT exam.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Humorous moments
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable plot points

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines humor and drama, showcasing Elle's emotional journey and determination to pursue a new path in life.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Elle deciding to apply to Harvard Law School to win back her ex-boyfriend is intriguing and sets up an interesting premise for the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Elle makes the decision to apply to Harvard Law School, setting up future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and comedic approach to the traditional college setting, showcasing Elle's unconventional path to law school and her unique personality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Elle and her sorority sisters, are well-developed and engaging, each with their own personalities and dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

Elle undergoes a significant character change as she shifts her focus from Warner to pursuing her own dreams.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to prove her worth and capabilities as a future lawyer, showcasing her intelligence, leadership skills, and attention to detail.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to excel in her LSAT exam and prepare for law school admissions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is internal conflict for Elle as she navigates her feelings for Warner and her new goal of going to Harvard Law School.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with challenges such as studying for the LSAT and balancing sorority responsibilities, adding tension and conflict to Elle's journey.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are high for Elle as she faces a major decision that will impact her future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Elle's new goal and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in Elle's actions and responses, adding a sense of spontaneity and humor to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict revolves around Elle's unconventional approach to studying for the LSAT and her ability to balance her sorority responsibilities with her academic pursuits.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to sadness, as Elle faces a major life change.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and engaging, capturing the humor and emotions of the scene effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the humor, character interactions, and Elle's unique approach to her goals, keeping the audience entertained and invested in her journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in balancing humor, dialogue, and character interactions, maintaining the audience's interest and moving the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear transitions between locations and events, maintaining coherence and pacing.


Critique
  • The scene transitions are abrupt and could benefit from more fluidity. Consider using matching settings or emotions to create a more cohesive narrative.
  • The dialogue in the scene is often expository and could be more natural. Try to incorporate more realistic conversations that reveal character and advance the plot.
  • The scene lacks a clear antagonist or conflict, making it feel aimless. Introduce tension or obstacles for Elle to overcome, giving the scene a stronger narrative drive.
Suggestions
  • Establish a stronger connection between scenes by using similar settings or emotions. For example, have Elle study for the LSAT in a location that reflects her sorority life, creating a visual parallel between her two worlds.
  • Replace expository dialogue with more natural conversations. Let the characters' personalities shine through in their speech, and use dialogue to deepen relationships and reveal character.
  • Create a clear antagonist or conflict to drive the scene. Perhaps Elle's friends question her decision to attend Harvard, or she faces challenges in her LSAT preparation. This will give the scene a stronger narrative focus and create tension.



Scene 8 -  Elle's LSAT Study Session and Dylan McDermott Encounter
26 INT. LIBRARY STUDY ROOM - NIGHT 26
Elle sits in front of Amy, as Amy quizzes her with practice
LSAT questions. Books are piled high around them.
Elle gazes out the.window to see —-Warner and some BARE-
CHESTED FRATERNITY BOYS carrying a keg across the quad. Her
eyes light up and she looks at Amy pleadingly. Amy shakes her
head no. Elle slumps, then rises and goes to the window,
closing the shades and getting back to work.
•27 EXT. USC CAMPUS - DAY 27

ON VIDEO, Elle addresses the camera.
ELLE
I feel confident using legal jargon in
daily life.
CUT TO:
ON VIDEO, Elle walks across campus with Underdog in her
purse, feigning staged innocence. A RANDOM FRAT BOY pinches
her butt. She slaps his hand, dramatically.
ELLE (CONT'D)
I object!
28 INT. AUDITORIUM - DAY 28

"LSAT EXAM — Sections 1-6" is scrawled on the chalk board.

Elle sits in an auditorium with about 90 other students, LSAT
booklet open, filling in answers. Concentrating so hard
she's practically getting a forehead wrinkle.
29 INT. ELLE'S DELTA GAMMA ROOM - DAY 29
ON VIDEO, Elle speaks to the camera.
ELLE
(to the camera)
I've seen every episode of "The Practice"
and I ' m even on speaking terms with Dylan
McDermott.
CUT TO:
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 22.



30 EXT. DYLAN MCDERMOTT'S HOUSE - DAY 30

Dylan McDermott gets into his car and pulls out of his
driveway.
VIDEOTAPING MADLY, the girls follow in Elle's Boxster. *
SERENA
There he is!
. MARGOT
Pull up next to him!
Elle swerves around to pull up next to Dylan McDermott. They
scream at him as Serena videotapes.
ELLE
Dylan! We love you!
Dylan McDermott burns rubber as he flees.
31 EXT. USC CAMPUS - DAY 31 "*
ON.VIDEO, Elle jogs while she addresses the camera. *
ELLE :*
(to camera) . .*
I'm totally focused and goal-oriented. *
Plus I ' m able to sway people with my very *
convincing arguments. . *
She turns to Serena, jogging next to her. *
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Calvin Klein's spring line is atrocious.
Don't you agree?
SERENA
(convinced)
Absolutely!
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Elle studies for the LSAT with Amy in a library study room but gets distracted by Warner and fraternity boys carrying a keg. She closes the shades and continues studying, records video messages about her confidence, and takes the LSAT exam. Later, Elle and her friends follow Dylan McDermott's car and scream at him, and Elle jogs with Serena and criticizes Calvin Klein's spring line. The main conflict is Elle's struggle to focus on studying, while another conflict is her aggressive behavior towards Dylan McDermott. The tone is lighthearted and playful, with some moments of determination and frustration.
Strengths
  • Strong character development, engaging plot, witty dialogue, emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may border on cliché, such as Elle's pursuit of Harvard to win back her ex-boyfriend

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines humor, drama, and romance, showcasing Elle's determination and emotional journey.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elle pursuing Harvard Law School to win back her ex-boyfriend is engaging and sets up a compelling storyline.

Plot: 9

The plot advances as Elle makes a bold decision to apply to Harvard Law School, leading to potential conflict and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique situations such as Elle's pursuit of legal knowledge in a sorority setting and her interactions with Dylan McDermott. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Elle's character is well-developed, showcasing her determination, vulnerability, and humor. The supporting characters add depth and humor to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Elle undergoes a significant change in her goals and aspirations, setting the stage for personal growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself as a competent and confident law student while navigating the challenges of social interactions and gender stereotypes. This reflects her deeper need for validation and acceptance in a competitive environment.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal in this scene is to excel in her LSAT exam and assert her legal knowledge and skills in various situations. This reflects the immediate circumstances of her academic pursuits and social interactions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Elle's desire to win back her ex-boyfriend and her pursuit of Harvard Law School creates tension and emotional stakes.

Opposition: 7

The opposition rating is moderate, with challenges and obstacles that test Elle's resolve and skills, adding tension and conflict to the scene.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elle as she navigates heartbreak, academic challenges, and personal growth, adding depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing Elle's decision to apply to Harvard Law School, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions and conflicts that arise, keeping the audience guessing about Elle's next move.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between Elle's personal identity and societal expectations. Elle challenges traditional gender roles and stereotypes by pursuing a career in law while also engaging in sorority activities and social interactions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from sadness over Elle's breakup to hope and determination as she sets her sights on Harvard Law School.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and emotionally resonant, capturing the essence of each character and driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines humor, drama, and suspense to keep the audience invested in Elle's journey and the challenges she faces.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a balance between dialogue-driven moments and action sequences, keeping the audience engaged and invested in Elle's story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character development and plot progression.


Critique
  • The scene transitions are abrupt and could benefit from more clear transitions or connections between the events.
  • The tone of the scene is inconsistent, shifting from serious study to lighthearted flirtation and back again without a clear reason.
  • The use of video messages and direct address to the audience feels gimmicky and takes the reader out of the story.
  • The character of Amy is underdeveloped and her role in the scene is unclear.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension to drive the narrative forward.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more clear transitions between the different events in the scene to help the reader follow along.
  • Establish a more consistent tone for the scene, either focusing on the serious study or the lighthearted flirtation.
  • Limit the use of video messages and direct address to the audience, instead focusing on showing the character's actions and thoughts through dialogue and action.
  • Develop the character of Amy further, giving her a clearer role in the scene and more distinct personality.
  • Introduce a clear conflict or tension in the scene, such as a time limit for studying or a distraction that threatens Elle's focus.



Scene 9 -  Elle's LSAT Triumph and Unconventional Acceptance into Harvard Law
32 INT. DELTA GAMMA HOUSE - FOYER - DAY 32

Amy rushes in with a stack of mail, waving an LSAT envelope
as she calls out.
AMY
It's here!
Elle rushes down the stairs as the other Delta Gammas gather
around. Elle takes the envelope and says a quick prayer.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 23.
32 CONTINUED: 32


ELLE
One seventy-five...one seventy- five...

She opens it and stares at it for a long moment. Then turns
it to the crowd and raises it above her head in triumph. The
girls immediately begin jumping up and down as group joy
ensues. Underdog yips with pride. The MONTAGE ENDS.
33 INT. HARVARD LAW ADMISSIONS OFFICE - DAY 33

ON THE TV, Elle stands up in the Jacuzzi.
ELLE
(on TV)
And that's why you should vote for me.
Elle Woods. Future lawyer. For the Class
of 2003.
The video is PAUSED, as three ADMISSIONS GUYS in their 4.0's
sit at a table piled high with applications, the DEAN OF
ADMISSIONS at the head of it. STUNNED SILENCE fills the room.
Finally one of them speaks.
ADMISSIONS GUY #1
That was certainly a very —
(adjusting himself)
Imaginative essay.
ADMISSIONS GUY #2
(to the Dean)
She does have a 4.0 from USC and she got
a one-seventy-nine on her LSATs.
DEAN OF ADMISSIONS
A fashion major?
ADMISSIONS GUY #3
Well, we've never had one before...
aren't we always looking for diversity?
AMISSIONS GUY #1
Her list of extracurriculars is
impressive.
The Dean looks at her application.
DEAN OF ADMISSIONS
(unimpressed)
She was in a Ricky Martin video —
ADMISSIONS GUY #2
Clearly, she's interested in music...


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 24.
33 CONTINUED: 33


DEAN OF ADMISSIONS
(reading on; skeptical)
She also designed a line of faux fur
panties for her sorority's charity
project --

ADMISSIONS GUY #3
Then she's a friend to animals as well as *
a philanthropist. *

. AMISSIONS GUY #1
I think it's obvious that she's a very
well-rounded individual.
He points to Elle — freeze-framed in her bikini-top on
video, on the TV. The admissions guys look to the Dean. He
folds.

DEAN OF ADMISSIONS
Elle Woods — Welcome to Harvard. *
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary Amy bursts into the Delta Gamma house with Elle's LSAT envelope, revealing a score of 175 and sparking a celebration. Simultaneously, the Harvard Law Admissions Office discusses Elle's unique application, highlighting her unconventional background and achievements. The scene concludes with the Dean of Admissions welcoming Elle to Harvard Law School, resolving the conflict between her unique qualities and traditional expectations.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging plot progression
  • Witty dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched moments
  • Slightly predictable storyline

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines humor, drama, and romance, keeping the audience engaged and emotionally invested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elle pursuing Harvard Law School to win back her ex-boyfriend is unique and sets up an interesting premise for the story.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as Elle receives her LSAT score, gets accepted to Harvard, and makes a bold decision to pursue her dreams.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the traditional college admissions process by challenging stereotypes and exploring themes of diversity and individuality. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Elle, are well-developed and undergo significant emotional changes, making them relatable and engaging.

Character Changes: 9

Elle undergoes a significant transformation from a heartbroken fashion major to a determined Harvard Law School applicant, showcasing her growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal in this scene is to prove her worth and intelligence to the admissions officers at Harvard Law School. This reflects her desire to break stereotypes and show that she is more than just a fashion major.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to gain admission to Harvard Law School. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in pursuing her dream of becoming a lawyer.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is internal conflict for Elle as she faces rejection from Warner and external conflict as she challenges societal expectations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong as Elle faces skepticism and doubt from the admissions officers. The uncertainty of their decision creates tension and conflict, adding depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Elle as she embarks on a new path to pursue her dreams and prove herself to others.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by setting up Elle's new goal of attending Harvard Law School and introduces new challenges and opportunities.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the admissions officers' reactions to Elle's application are unexpected and challenge traditional expectations. The audience is left wondering how Elle's unconventional background will impact her chances of admission.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between traditional academic standards and unconventional qualifications. The admissions officers struggle to reconcile Elle's unique background with their expectations of a Harvard Law student.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions from joy to disappointment, making it emotionally impactful.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the characters' personalities effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines moments of celebration and tension, keeping the audience invested in Elle's journey and the outcome of her application to Harvard Law School.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense as Elle awaits the admissions officers' decision. The dialogue and character interactions are well-paced, keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a well-defined setting, conflict, and resolution. The transitions between locations are smooth and contribute to the overall narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict and resolution. While the beginning of the scene suggests that Elle is excited and nervous about receiving her LSAT score, this conflict is quickly resolved when she opens the envelope and sees her high score.
  • The scene is also very short, and does not give the reader enough time to get to know the characters or understand their motivations.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural, and does not sound like the way real people talk.
  • The scene does not advance the plot of the story, and could be easily removed without affecting the overall narrative.
Suggestions
  • The writer could add a conflict to the scene, such as Elle being worried that she will not do well on the LSAT, or that she will not be accepted to Harvard Law School.
  • The writer could expand the scene by adding more dialogue between Elle and the other characters.
  • The writer could make the dialogue more natural and believable.
  • The writer could add more details to the setting, such as describing the room where Elle is opening her LSAT score, or the people who are around her.
  • The writer could connect the scene more to the rest of the story, by showing how Elle's LSAT score affects her decision to apply to Harvard Law School, or by showing how her excitement about her score affects her interactions with the other characters.



Scene 10 -  Elle's Arrival at Harvard: Doubts and Determination
34 EXT. WOODS' BACKYARD - DAY . 34

Elle's parents — DANIEL, in tennis clothes, and the face-
lifted SAPPHIRE — stare at Elle over juice by the pool.

DANIEL
(frowning)
Law school?

Sapphire puts a hand to her throat in distress. Elle is
confused.

ELLE
It's a perfectly respectable place...

DANIEL
Sweetheart, you don't need law school.
Law school is for people who are boring
and ugly and Serious. And you, button/
are none of those things.

Sapphire is in agreement.

SAPPHIRE
You were first runner-up in the Miss
Hawaiian Tropic contest. Why throw all
that away?

ELLE
Because this is what I want. I've worked
hard for it. Don't you understand that
this is important to me?

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 25.
34 CONTINUED: 34


She looks at her uncomprehending parents.

ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Going to Harvard is the only way I can *
get the love of my life back!

Sapphire looks at her, still not getting it. • *

SAPPHIRE
Can't you just suck his wiener? *

(TV VERSION) *
Can't you just get your nose done? *

Elle reacts to her mother's skewed logic. *•


35 EXT. HARVARD DORM - DAY 35 *

Pale, studious LAW STUDENTS clad in earth tones, move into
their dorm, carrying in their spartan belongings (coffee
makers, books, computers).
In the distance, a HAPPY POP SONG (perhaps "Heaven Tonight by *
Hole) is heard. As it gets louder, heads turn to see — *
A silver, convertible Boxster driving up, Elle at the wheel,/ *
MUSIC BLASTING. A large MOVING VAN follows the Boxster. *
People lean out of their windows, buzzing with interest as—
Elle's car stops in front of the dorm. She hops out,
scooping up Underdog and looking every inch the LA-Fred-Segal-
glamour-queen, as she looks around with a smile.
Elle looks at Underdog.
ELLE
We're here!
She bends down to pour some Evian into his inflatable doggy
dish, inadvertently revealing cleavage to a passing
BESPECTACLED BOY (several yards away).
He trips, dropping his I-MAC. It shatters into a million
pieces.
Not noticing/ Elle stands and turns to two MOVING GUYS/ who
are hauling a pink, faux-fur love seat and a potted palm tree
out of the truck.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 26.
35 CONTINUED: 35


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
This way, guys!

With a beauty queen smile in place, she strides into the dorm *
as the other students watch in amazement.

HANGING OUT OF THE WINDOW

ARROGANT AARON, a Mensa geek with attitude, turns to his
roommate.

ARROGANT AARON
Whose knob did she honk to get in here?

36 EXT. LAW SCHOOL QUAD - DAY 36

"Welcome Law Students Class of 2003" banners hang over
orientation tables manned by second year law students (2L's)
wearing red t-shirts. Club tables with banners that read
"Harvard Law Journal" and "Environmental Law Association" are *
set up nearby.
Elle takes a packet from a fuzzy MALE 2L.
FUZZY 2L
Class schedule, map, book list.
ELLE
Has Warner Huntington checked in yet?
FUZZY 2L
(checking)
Uh, no. Maybe you should try the Lido *
deck. *
She frowns and starts to move on, but then looks through the
packet with a frown and turns back.
ELLE
Wait — my social events schedule is .
missing.
FUZZY 2L
Your what?
ELLE
You know — mixers, formals, beach
• trips.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 27.
36 CONTINUED: . 36


FUZZY 2L
(deadpan)
There's a pizza welcome lunch in twenty
minutes. Does that count?

ELLE
(wrinkling her nose)
I guess it'll have t o . . .
The Fuzzy Guy looks at the red-shirted BALD 2L next to him,
as Elle walks off. ,

FUZZY 2L
What the hell.was that?

BALD 2L
(watching her go)
Malibu Barbie lives.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary In this scene, Elle meets with her parents to discuss her plans to attend law school at Harvard, facing their doubts and revealing her motivation to win back her ex-boyfriend. Arriving on campus, she is met with surprise and skepticism from other students. Despite the conflicts, Elle remains determined to pursue her goals, asking about her ex-boyfriend's whereabouts at orientation and being directed to the Lido deck.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Engaging characters
  • Unique premise
Weaknesses
  • Stereotypical parental reactions
  • Slightly predictable plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines humor, drama, and romance to engage the audience. Elle's emotional journey and the comedic moments make it entertaining and compelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elle pursuing law school to win back her ex-boyfriend is unique and sets up an interesting premise for the story.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses as Elle makes a bold decision to attend Harvard Law School, setting up potential conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the fish-out-of-water trope by combining elements of comedy, romance, and drama. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Elle, are well-defined and engaging. The interactions with her parents and fellow students add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Elle undergoes a significant change by deciding to pursue law school, showing growth and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove her worth and intelligence by attending Harvard Law School and winning back her ex-boyfriend. This reflects her desire for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges of law school and social events while maintaining her identity and values.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a conflict between Elle's desire to win back her ex-boyfriend and the challenges she faces in a new environment.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene adds conflict and tension, creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome in her pursuit of her goals.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elle as she embarks on a new path to win back her ex-boyfriend and prove herself in a challenging environment.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing Elle's new journey at Harvard Law School and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and emotional depth in the characters' interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between societal expectations of beauty and success versus personal fulfillment and intelligence. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about what defines success and happiness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions from confusion to disappointment, especially in Elle's interactions with her parents.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the characters' personalities effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, drama, and romance, keeping the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and humor, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards and effectively conveys the visual and auditory elements of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct beats and transitions between locations. The pacing and rhythm enhance the comedic and dramatic moments.


Critique
  • The scene is very long and could be shortened to make it more engaging.
  • The dialogue is a bit forced and unnatural, especially the part where Elle's parents tell her to suck his wiener.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot and could be cut without losing anything important.
  • The scene is a bit too over-the-top and could be toned down to make it more believable.
  • The scene doesn't really give us any new information about Elle's character.
Suggestions
  • Cut the scene down to a maximum of two pages.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Add some conflict or tension to the scene to make it more engaging.
  • Tone down the over-the-top elements of the scene to make it more believable.
  • Give us some new information about Elle's character, such as her motivations for going to law school.



Scene 11 -  Elle's Law School Beginning and Warner Reunion
37 EXT. HARVARD LAW SCHOOL - OUTDOOR GARDEN - DAY 37

Elle sits at the outdoor table, ignoring her slice of pizza,
as she looks around for Warner. Not finding him, she turns
her attention to the Group Leader, a BURNED OUT 2L in a red t-
shirt.

BURNED OUT 2L
Okay. Welcome to law school. This is the
part where we go around in a circle and
everyone says a little bit about
themselves. Let's start with you.
He gestures at a guy with glasses, DORKY DAVID.

DORKY DAVID
I have a Masters in Russian Literature, a
Ph.D in Biochemistry, and for the last
eighteen months, I've been de- worming
orphans in Somalia.

BURNED OUT 2L
Awesome. How about you, Enid?

ENID, a militant feminista, looks up.

ENID
Ph.D from Berkeley in Women's Studies—
emphasis in the History of Combat. And
last year, I led the march for Lesbians
Against Drunk Driving.

BURNED OUT 2L
Killer.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 28.
37 CONTINUED: 37


He looks at an intense guy in his late twenties, IVAN.

INTENSE IVAN
I've got an MBA from Wharton, worked on
Wall Street for four years, mushed in
three ididarods and I ' ve figured out how
to crash the stock market in Sri Lanka if
any of you want to get together later.

BURNED OUT 2L
Sweet. What about you?
He looks at Elle. She sits up straight.

ELLE
I ' m a Gemini. I have a Bachelors degree
from USC, where I was Sigma Chi
Sweetheart and president of Delta Gamma,
and last year '• — I was Homecoming Queen .

She smiles, as the group leader nods, waiting.

ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Oh!
(dramatically)
Two weeks ago, I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred
Segal — and talked her out of buying a
truly heinous angora sweater! Whoever
said that orange is the new pink is
seriously disturbed.

She looks around, pleased. Enid' snickers as the rest of the
group stares at Elle, dumbfounded.

38 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - DAY 38
A grey, dingy, cell-block style room — now crammed with
Elle's clothes, the pink fluffy love seat and potted palm,
along with an Elliptical Cross-Trainer, pink flamingo party
lights and a neon pink margarita glass sculpture.

Elle tries to shove a large law textbook into her tiny Prada
backpack to no avail. She gives up and tosses the book onto
the bed where Underdog leaps away to miss being squished.

ELLE
Wish me luck, Underdog. It's my first
class as a serious law student.

She kisses him and looks down at her completely inappropriate
skimpy Gucci outfit, which she accents by putting on trendy,
wire-rimmed glasses.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 29.
38 CONTINUED: 38


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing; to herself)
I totally look the part!

39 INT. LAW SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY 39
Elle heads for a classroom, amidst a crowd of students who
eye her like she's an alien. She rounds a corner, seeing —

WARNER, in all his handsome glory, looking over his schedule.
She starts toward him, as if pulled by a magnetic force.
Arrogant Aaron sees her passing by.

ARROGANT AARON
(seductively)
Hello there.. . . . . . .

Elle keeps going, not even noticing him. Eyes only for
Warner. Arrogant Aaron stomps away, pissed at the perceived
blow-off.

As Elle gets closer to Warner, she opts for wandering past
him, seemingly oblivious to his presence.

WARNER
(stunned)
Elle?!

Elle turns, ultra-nonchalant.

ELLE
Warner?! Oh my God, I completely forgot
you were going here!

He looks at her, confused. People walk by, staring.

WARNER
What're you talking about? You're not
here to see me?

ELLE
No, silly. I go here.

WARNER
(still confused)
You go where?

ELLE
Harvard. Law school.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 30.
39 CONTINUED: 39


WARNER
v-—y Y ou g o t in to Ha rv a rd L aw ?
ELLE.
(confused at his confusion)
What, like it's that.hard?
Warner stares at her :— completely discombobulated. She
smiles sweetly and makes a show of checking her watch.
. ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Oops! Time for class. Meet me after?
On the benches?
WARNER
Uh — sure.
She sashays off with a confident smile.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary In this light-hearted and positive scene, Elle, a former beauty queen and now law student, attends a welcome event for new law students, introducing herself with her past achievements and a story about Cameron Diaz. She then goes to her first law class, where she runs into Warner. They have a surprised but happy reunion, with Warner learning that Elle also attends Harvard Law School. The scene ends with Elle and Warner making plans to meet after class.
Strengths
  • Strong character development for Elle
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Unique premise
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively introduces Elle to the Harvard Law School environment, setting up potential conflicts and character growth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a fashion-focused sorority girl entering Harvard Law School is unique and engaging, providing a fresh perspective on the typical law school setting.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Elle navigates her first day at Harvard, encountering familiar faces and potential challenges.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the fish-out-of-water trope, subverting expectations and stereotypes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Elle's character is well-developed, showcasing her confidence, intelligence, and determination. Warner's confusion adds depth to their relationship dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Elle's introduction to Harvard marks the beginning of her transformation from a fashion-focused sorority girl to a determined law student.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to establish her identity and credibility in the competitive environment of law school. She wants to prove herself as a serious law student and gain acceptance from her peers.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to reconnect with Warner and make a positive impression on him. She wants to show him that she belongs at Harvard Law School.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from Elle's unconventional background and the potential challenges she may face at Harvard Law School.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters challenging each other's beliefs and expectations. Elle faces internal and external obstacles that create tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate as Elle embarks on a new academic journey and faces judgment from her peers.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Elle's new environment and potential challenges she will face.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected character interactions and revelations. Elle's actions and decisions keep the audience guessing about her motivations and intentions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The scene presents a conflict between Elle's perceived superficiality and her intelligence and determination. It challenges stereotypes and expectations about appearance and capability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes empathy for Elle as she navigates a new environment and faces judgment from her peers.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty and humorous, reflecting Elle's personality and the contrast between her and the other law students.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic characters, witty dialogue, and underlying tension. The interactions and conflicts draw the audience in and create anticipation for future developments.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of dialogue, action, and description. The rhythm and flow enhance the scene's effectiveness and keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard screenplay formatting conventions, making it easy to read and visualize. The descriptions and dialogue are concise and effective.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character introductions, conflicts, and resolutions. The pacing and formatting enhance the narrative flow.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene is unnatural and unrealistic. Elle's line, "What, like it's that hard?" is particularly jarring and out of character. It's difficult to believe that a character as intelligent and driven as Elle would say something so dismissive about getting into Harvard Law School.
  • The scene lacks tension and conflict. There's no real obstacle to Elle's success, and her interactions with Warner are bland and predictable. As a result, the scene feels flat and unengaging.
  • The scene is too long. The dialogue could be trimmed down significantly without losing any of the important information. This would help to make the scene more concise and engaging.
  • The scene doesn't do enough to develop Elle's character. We don't learn anything new about her motivations or her goals. As a result, the scene feels like a filler and doesn't add anything to the overall story.
  • The scene is too focused on Elle. Warner is a major character in the film, but he's barely given anything to do in this scene. This makes the scene feel unbalanced and gives the impression that Elle is the only one who matters.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and realistic.
  • Add tension and conflict to the scene by introducing an obstacle to Elle's success.
  • Trim down the dialogue to make the scene more concise and engaging.
  • Develop Elle's character by giving her more depth and complexity.
  • Give Warner more to do in the scene so that he feels like a more equal partner to Elle.



Scene 12 -  Elle's Unpreparedness Leads to Embarrassment in Civil Procedures Class
40 INT. CIVIL PROCEDURES CLASS - DAY 4.0.
Students file in and take their seats. Elle enters, looking
around nervously at the imposing auditorium. Arrogant Aaron,
next to her, leans over.
ARROGANT AARON
If you're looking for the best seat, I
hear the front row is the place to be.

Elle smiles at him.

ELLE •
Thanks.
41 INT. CIVIL PROCEDURES CLASS - DAY - LATER 41
PROFESSOR ELSPETH STROMWELL, a tough-as-nails Grande Dame in
her 50' s , addresses the class. Laptops abound — except for
Elle, who has a fuzzy pink notebook and a pen with a pink
plastic heart on the end.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
A legal education means you will learn to
speak in a new language. You will be
taught to achieve insight into the world
around you, and to sharply question what
you know.
Everyone soaks this up. Including Elle.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 31.
41 CONTINUED: 41


PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
The seat you've picked is yours for the
next nine months of your life. Enjoy it.
And those of you in the front row,
beware. . . .
Elle, in the front row, between two UNSHOWERED BRANIACS, •*
looks around, panicked. One of the braniacs passes her the *
seating chart and she has no choice but to sign her name.
In the back, Arrogant Aaron nudges his friend and smiles.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
"The law is reason free from passion."
Does anyone know who spoke those immortal
words?
Dorky David raises his hand.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Yes?

DORKY DAVID
(confidently)
Aristotle.

Professor Stromwell approaches him the way Cruella de Ville
approaches a puppy.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Are you sure?

Now he's not.
DORKY DAVID
Yes?

PROFESSOR STROMWELL
~ Would you be willing to stake your life
on it?
DORKY DAVID
I think so...
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
How about —

She spins around, roughly POKING another student in the head.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 32.
41 CONTINUED: (2) 41


PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
— his life?

DORKY DAVID
(scared)
I don't know.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Well, I recommend knowing before
speaking.. The law leaves much room for
interpretation — but very little for
self-doubt.

As she turns away —

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
And you were right. It was Aristotle.

The class half-laughs in relief.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
I assume you've all read pages 1- 48 and
are now well-versed in subject matter
jurisdiction.
Elle looks around, surprised, as students open their books.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Who can tell us about Gordon v. Steele?

Silence. Stromwell looks down at the seating chart.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Ivan Greenstein?

Intense Ivan straightens in his' seat.
IVAN
Gordon sued her doctors for malpractice.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
And what did the dispute entail?
(looking at her chart)
Let's call on someone in the hot zone.
Elle Woods? Elle looks up, distressed.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 33.
41 CONTINUED: (3) 41


ELLE
Uh... I wasn't aware that we had an
assignment.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
(looking at her chart)
Sarah Knottingham?

SARAH KNOTTINGHAM — a prim and preppy blue-blood brunette,
dressed in pearls and a sweater set — looks up.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Do you think it's acceptable that Ms.
Woods is unprepared?
Sarah looks over at Elle. Elle gives her a mortified smile.
Sarah turns back to Professor Stromwell.
SARAH
No, I don't.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Would you support my decision to ask her
to leave and return to class only when
she is prepared?
SARAH
Absolutely.
Elle can't believe that this girl would betray her. Having
no choice,, she gathers her purse and goes, completely
humiliated. Professor Stromwell returns to the matter at
hand.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Now, Ms. Knottingham, did diversity
jurisdiction'exist in this case?
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In the first civil procedures class of law school, Elle enters nervously and takes a seat in the front row. However, she is the only student without a laptop and is surrounded by unshowered brainiacs. The tough professor, Stromwell, lectures on the importance of legal education and tests the class's knowledge, calling on Elle who admits to being unprepared. This leads to a conflict between Elle and prim classmate Sarah, who supports Stromwell's decision to ask Elle to leave. The scene ends with Elle leaving the class in shame.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Strong character development
  • Effective setup of conflict
Weaknesses
  • Stereotypical portrayal of law school environment

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the conflict and challenges Elle will face in law school while maintaining a balance between humor and seriousness.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Elle entering law school to win back her ex-boyfriend adds depth to her character and sets up an interesting premise for the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Elle faces humiliation in class, setting up her journey to prove herself and succeed in a challenging environment.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the academic setting, with unique character dynamics and conflicts that add depth to the story. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Elle and Professor Stromwell, are well-defined and contribute to the humor and conflict in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Elle undergoes a change from initial humiliation to determination, setting up her character arc in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to prove herself in a challenging academic environment and gain respect from her peers and professors.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to participate in class discussions and demonstrate her knowledge of the subject matter.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Elle and the traditional expectations of law school creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elle facing judgment and humiliation from her peers and professor.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elle as she navigates the competitive and challenging environment of law school.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Elle's challenges and motivations in law school.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as Elle's humiliation and the betrayal by her classmate.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between preparedness and judgment. Professor Stromwell challenges the students' knowledge and readiness, highlighting the importance of being well-prepared in a competitive academic setting.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, from humor to humiliation, adding depth to Elle's character.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and humor in the scene, showcasing the clash between Elle's personality and the expectations of law school.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between characters, the academic challenges faced by the protagonist, and the humor infused in the dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and highlights the academic challenges faced by the protagonist.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, conflict development, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and has too much exposition. It would be more effective if it were shorter and more focused on the conflict between Elle and Professor Stromwell.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way real people talk.
  • The characters are not well-developed. They are one-dimensional and lack depth.
  • The scene is not visually interesting. It takes place in a single location and there is no action to keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Shorten the scene and focus on the conflict between Elle and Professor Stromwell.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to sound more natural.
  • Develop the characters more by giving them more depth and motivation.
  • Add some visual interest to the scene by using different locations and adding some action.



Scene 13 -  Elle's First Day of Classes: Revelations and Heartbreak
42 EXT. LAW SCHOOL QUAD - BENCHES - DAY - LATER 42

EMMETT — a shy and quirkily handsome 28-year-old who could
pass for younger — sits on a bench, going over some papers.
He looks up and spots Elle — sitting across from him —
looking traumatized.
EMMETT
Are you okay?
Elle looks up, snapping out of her stupor.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 34.
42 CONTINUED: . 42


ELLE
Do they just — put you on the spot like
that? Like, all the time?
EMMETT
The professors? Yeah, they tend- to do
that. Socratic method.
ELLE
And if you don't know the answer, they
just kick you out?
He smiles.
EMMETT
You have Stromwell.
ELLE
(hopeful)
Did she do that to you, too?
EMMETT
No, but she made me cry once. Not in
class — I waited until I got to my room,
but yeah, she can pretty much shrivel
your balls — or you know, your
whatevers .
ELLE
(stricken)
Neat . • ' , '
EMMETT
Don't worry. It gets better. Who else
do you have?
Elle looks at her schedule.
ELLE
Donovan, Royalton and Levinson.
EMMETT
Speak up in Donovan's class. He likes
people with an opinion. Sit in the back
for Royalton. He tends to spit when he
talks about products liability.
Elle makes a face. He smiles. Liking her.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 35.
42 CONTINUED: ( 2 ) 42


EMMETT (CONT'D)
(continuing)
And make sure you read the footnotes in
Levinson's class. That's where all her
exam questions come from.

ELLE
Wow. I ' m glad I met you.

She smiles at him, grateful.
EMMETT
Oh, and getting one of Stromwell's daily
quotes right is almost as important as
acing the mid-term. But you didn't hear
it from me.

Students trickle out of the building.

ELLE " .:.
Are you a third-year?
Warner walks up, behind Emmett, interrupting.

WARNER
Hey.

Elle looks up, pure adoration on her face.
ELLE
Hi!

Emmett rises and walks off.

EMMETT
Good luck.

ELLE
(calling after him)
Thanks again for your help!

Warner remains standing, still somewhat uncomfortable with
her presence here.

WARNER
So — uh — how was your first class?

ELLE
Fine. Except for this horrible girl who
made me look bad in front of my Civ Pro
professor. But no biggie. You're here
now.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 36.
42 CONTINUED: (3) 42
ELLE (CONT'D)
(perky)
How was your summer?

She pats the bench beside her. He doesn't move.

• WARNER
(distracted)
Good. Good.

ELLE
Do anything exciting?
A female hand snakes around Warner's chest from behind.
Warner turns and brings the owner of the hand around to his
side, presenting her.

WARNER
(nervous)
Urn, hey, have you met Sarah?

Sarah, the horrible girl herself, holds out her hand to Elle,
full of contempt.

SARAH
Hi. Sarah Knottingham.

ELLE
(to Warner; horrified)
• You know her?

WARNER
She's —

Sarah jumps in. •

SARAH .
— I ' m his fiancee.

Elle stares at her. Sarah tucks a piece of her mousy brown
hair behind her ear and there it is — The Rock.

ELLE
(in disbelief)
I ' m sorry, I just hallucinated.

WARNER
Sarah was my girlfriend at prep school.
We got back together over the summer at
my grandmother's birthday party.

Elle looks stricken. Sarah gives her a smug smile.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 37.
42 CONTINUED: (.4) 42


SARAH
Warner told me all about you. You're
famous at our Club.
She says it in a way that is anything but flattering. In
fact, it's completely condescending.
SARAH (CONT'D)
(continuing; pointedly)
But he didn't tell me you'd be here.

WARNER
I didn't know —

Elle looks from Warner to Sarah.

ELLE
Excuse me.

She rushes off. Sarah watches her go, a smug grin on her
face, • ' • • ••
SARAH
(to Warner)
I thought you said she was pretty.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary Emmett and Elle have a friendly conversation on a bench outside the law school quad, discussing her first day of classes and the Socratic method. Emmett offers advice on her professors and shares his own experience of being moved to tears by Professor Stromwell. However, the mood turns tense and awkward with the arrival of Warner and his fiancée Sarah, who is revealed to be the 'horrible girl' who humiliated Elle in class. Elle looks stricken and rushes off as the scene ends.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Surprising twists
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable character reactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines humor, drama, and surprise, keeping the audience engaged and emotionally invested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elle encountering Warner and his fiancee at Harvard Law School is intriguing and sets up potential conflicts and character development.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of new conflicts and motivations for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces familiar themes of academic pressure and social dynamics in a fresh and engaging way. The characters' dialogue feels authentic and relatable, adding originality to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Elle and Warner, show depth and growth in this scene, adding layers to their relationships.

Character Changes: 8

Elle experiences a significant change in her perception of Warner and her own motivations, setting up potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to navigate the challenges of law school and establish herself in this new environment. She seeks validation, support, and a sense of belonging.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to excel in her classes, make connections with peers and professors, and prove herself in a competitive academic setting.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Elle, Warner, and Sarah adds tension and emotional depth to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising from Elle's interactions with Warner, Sarah, and the competitive law school environment.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised for Elle as she navigates her feelings for Warner and her ambitions at Harvard Law School.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and motivations for the characters, setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reveal of Sarah as Warner's fiancee, adding a twist to the interactions and conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Elle's values of honesty, integrity, and authenticity, and the superficial, competitive nature of some of her peers like Sarah. This challenges Elle's beliefs and self-worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions from the audience, including shock, sadness, and hope.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, emotional, and reveals important information about the characters' motivations and relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its relatable characters, witty dialogue, and underlying tension. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and relationships.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective, balancing dialogue, action, and character interactions to maintain interest and momentum.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression. It effectively sets up conflicts and relationships for future development.


Critique
  • **This scene has potential, but it suffers from a lack of clear conflict and stakes.** What does Elle want from this interaction? What is she trying to achieve? The scene would be more engaging if there was a clear goal that Elle was working towards.
  • **The dialogue is a bit stilted and unnatural.** It doesn't feel like the way real people talk. The characters should speak in a more conversational tone.
  • **The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying.** It feels like the scene was cut off before it could reach a proper conclusion. The scene should end with a stronger sense of closure.
Suggestions
  • **Give Elle a clear goal for this scene.** What does she want from Emmett? Does she want to learn more about law school? Does she want to make a connection with him? Once you know what Elle wants, you can write dialogue and actions that support her goal.
  • **Make the dialogue more natural.** The characters should speak in a way that feels real and authentic. Avoid using stilted or formal language. Instead, use contractions, slang, and other informal language that people actually use in conversation.
  • **Write a stronger ending for the scene.** The ending should leave the reader with a sense of closure. It should also set up the next scene in the story. Consider ending the scene with a cliffhanger or a revelation that will make the reader want to keep reading.



Scene 14 -  Heartbreak and Hope at Beauty Oasis
43 EXT. STREET/INT. ELLE'S CONVERTIBLE BOXSTER- DAY 43 *

Elle drives, wiping the tears from her face. She spots
something off to the side and SWERVES her car toward it, a
gasp of hope escaping her lips.

Her car stops in front of a strip mall salon called "Beauty *
Oasis". *

44 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - DAY 44 *
A downscale, blue-collar salon, with five hair chairs and two *
manicure stations. Old ladies and young waitresses get perms. *
PAULETTE —early 40s, lower-middle class, hard-edged, plus- *
sirzed — looks up as a defeated Elle sinks into the manicure *
chair.(The manicure station is plastered with pictures of *
RUFUS, a big, slobbering pit-bull). • *

PAULETTE
Bad day?

Elle holds out her hands. Paulette dips them into a dish of
soapy water.

ELLE
You can't even imagine.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 38.
44 CONTINUED: 44


PAULETTE
.Spill.,

Elle lets it all out in a rush.

ELLE
I worked really hard to get into law
school — I blew off Spring Break and
Greek Week to study for the LSATs, I
completely neglected my Homecoming Queen
duties, I hired a Coppola to direct my
admissions video — all so I could get my
boyfriend Warner back and now he's *
engaged to this awful girl Sarah so it
was all for nothing! I wish I ' d never
even come to Harvard. *

Paulette dries Elle's hands and begins filing.

PAULETTE
After you went to all that trouble?

ELLE :
Well, what am I supposed to do? He's
engaged! She's got the family six-carat
on her bony, unpolished finger.

PAULETTE *
You're asking the wrong girl. I ' m with *
my guy eight years and then one day it's *
"I met someone else. Move out." *

ELLE *
(horrified) *
What'd you do? *

PAULETTE *
Cried a lot and gained twenty pounds. *
Dewey kept the trailer and my precious *
baby Rufus. I got jackcrap. *
She looks at a picture of the pit-bull. *

PAULETTE (CONT'D) *
(continuing; re the dog) *
I didn't even get to go to his birthday *
party. *

ELLE *
No! *




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 39.
44 CONTINUED: ( 2 ) 44


PAULETTE *
What could I do? *
(shrugging) *
He's a man who followed his pecker to *
greener pastures. I ' m a middle-aged high- *
school dropout with stretch marks and a *
fat ass. Happens every day. At least to *
women like me. *
ELLE . *•
That's terrible! *
PAULETTE *
So, what's this Sarah got that you don't? *
Three tits? -*
ELLE *
She's from Connecticut. She belongs to
his stupid country club.
PAULETTE
Is she as pretty as you?
Elle looks down.
ELLE
(embarrassed)
I ' m not pretty — I ' m genetically
blessed.
Paulette rolls her eyes, shaking her bottle of polish and
starting on Elle's right hand.
PAULETTE
Is sJie.? "*

ELLE
She could use some mascara and some
serious highlights, but she's not
completely unfortunate- looking.
UPS GUY (O.S.) *
Hello, ladies. *
Paulette looks up to see the UPS GUY, a strapping hunk of a *
man in his late 30' s . She blushes and smooths down her hair, *
knocking over a bottle of nail polish in the process. Trying *
to play it off as she signs for the package. *




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 40.
44 CONTINUED: ( 3 ) 44


UPS GUY (CONT'D) . *
See ya later. *
He goes. Paulette watches him. Elle notices. *

PAULETTE *
(hating herself) . *
Could I be anymore goddamn spastic? *
(beat) *
So you're sure, this Warner guy is "the *
one"?
ELLE
Definitely! I love him!
Paulette looks at her. *
PAULETTE
If a girl like you can't hold on to her *
man -- then there sure as hell isn't any *
hope for the rest of us. What're you *
waiting for? Steal the bastard back. *
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary Elle, a law student, visits a blue-collar salon in distress over her ex-boyfriend Warner's engagement. She confides in Paulette, the manicurist, who shares her own heartbreaking past. Through their conversation, Paulette encourages Elle to fight for Warner, helping Elle regain her confidence and overcome her internal conflict.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively balances humor and emotion, providing depth to the character of Elle while advancing the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of seeking comfort and advice in a manicure salon after a breakup is unique and adds depth to Elle's character.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses as Elle grapples with the aftermath of her breakup and begins to reflect on her future goals.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of heartbreak and love, with witty dialogue and relatable character dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Elle and Paulette, are well-developed and engaging, adding humor and depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Elle experiences a significant emotional change as she begins to reflect on her future goals and priorities after her breakup.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to come to terms with the fact that all her efforts to win back her boyfriend were in vain and to find a way to move on from the heartbreak.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to figure out what to do now that her boyfriend is engaged to someone else.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from Elle's heartbreak and her struggle to come to terms with her breakup, adding emotional depth to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from Elle's internal struggle and the harsh reality of her situation.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elle as she grapples with the end of her relationship and begins to reevaluate her goals and priorities.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showing Elle's emotional journey and setting up potential future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in the sense that the audience is unsure of how Elle will react to her situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is between Elle's belief in love and commitment versus the harsh reality of relationships and societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from sadness to hope, making it impactful and engaging for the audience.

Dialogue: 10

The dialogue is witty, emotional, and reveals insights into the characters' personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional depth, relatable character struggles, and witty dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven dialogue scene in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The scene does a good job of showing Elle's emotional state after learning about Warner's engagement, but the dialogue could be tightened up to make it more impactful.
  • The introduction of Paulette is well done, but her backstory could be integrated more smoothly into the conversation.
  • The UPS guy's interruption feels a bit forced and could be removed or reworked to fit more naturally into the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider cutting down on some of the dialogue to make Elle's emotional state more palpable. For example, the explanation of how she got into law school could be shortened or removed entirely.
  • Integrate Paulette's backstory into the conversation by having her share her story in response to Elle's situation, creating a more natural flow.
  • Revisit the UPS guy's interruption and either remove it or find a way to make it feel more organic to the scene.



Scene 15 -  Elle's Challenge: Reconnecting with Warner and Rising above Sarah
45 INT. DORMITORY - WARNER'S ROOM - DAY 45
Elle knocks on Warner's door, bottle of wine and two glasses
in hand.
ELLE
Warner?
When she gets no answer, she write a message on his memo
board -- CLOSE ON— "Call me! Love, You Know Who".
She leaves the wine bottle and two glasses and goes.
46 EXT. HARVARD LAW CAMPUS - DAY 46 *
Elle is in her push-up bikini, reclining in her beach chair,
pink frozen margarita in one hand, Underdog in the other, law
book in her lap, pretending to study.
We PULL BACK to reveal that she's sitting on the sidelines of
a touch-football game that Warner is playing with a group of
other 1-L's.
Warner scores easily because the other male eyes are all on
Elle. He shakes his head and smiles.
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 41.



47 INT. CRIMINAL LAW CLASS - DAY 47

Elle sits, glaring at Sarah, who keeps waving her "The Rock"
in Elle's direction, as she plays footsie with Warner.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN — 40s, a big fan of himself, salt and
pepper hair, no time for bullshit — stands before the class.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
I should warn you that in addition to
competing against each other for the top
grade in this class, you'll also be
competing for one of my firm's highly
coveted four internship spots next year
where you will get to assist on actual
cases. Let the bloodbath begin. Now,
let's commence with our usual torture —
He looks around.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Ms. Woods —

Sarah and her bitchy, clone-like friend CLAIRE exchange
knowing glances.

SARAH
This should be amusing.
• PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Would you rather have a client who
committed a crime malum in se or malum
prohibitum?

ELLE
Neither.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Why not?

ELLE
I'd rather have a client who's innocent.

Elle smiles, proud of her answer. The class snickers. Warner
frowns.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
. Dare to dream, Ms. Woods. Ms.
Knottingham? Which would you prefer?




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 42.
47 CONTINUED: 47


SARAH
Malum prohibitum. Because the client
would've committed a regulatory
infraction as opposed to a dangerous
crime.
Elle raises her hand.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Yes? Ms. Woods?
' ELLE ' . .
I changed my mind. I ' d pick the
dangerous one.
She looks pointedly at Sarah.
ELLE (CONT''D)
(continuing)
I ' m not afraid of a challenge.
Sarah glares back at her. Warner looks between the two of *
them, worried. • *
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary Elle Woods attempts to reconnect with her ex-boyfriend, Warner, by leaving a message and wine bottle at his door, then spying on him playing football. In Criminal Law class, she confronts Sarah over internship preferences, showcasing her newfound confidence and determination to win the competition and Warner back. The scene is filled with playful competition, tension, and a hint of determination.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong character development
  • Humorous yet dramatic tone
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched character interactions
  • Slightly predictable plot developments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines humor, drama, and conflict to engage the audience and advance the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elle challenging traditional legal thinking and standing up for herself is well-executed and sets the stage for character development.

Plot: 9

The plot advances as Elle faces challenges in her law class and begins to assert herself in a new environment.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on legal ethics and challenges traditional notions of success and achievement. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Elle's character is well-developed, showcasing her intelligence, determination, and resilience. Sarah and Professor Donovan also add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Elle undergoes a subtle change as she begins to assert herself and challenge traditional norms in her law class.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to prove herself as a capable and intelligent student, challenging stereotypes and expectations. She wants to show that she is not just a pretty face but also a competent and determined individual.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to excel in her law classes and secure a prestigious internship at a law firm. She wants to prove her worth in a competitive environment and achieve success in her academic and professional pursuits.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

There is a high level of conflict between Elle and Sarah, as well as internal conflict for Elle as she navigates her new environment.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and values driving the character interactions. Elle's bold choices challenge the status quo and create tension with other characters.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Elle as she faces challenges in her law class and begins to assert herself in a new environment.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, character dynamics, and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character decisions and interactions. Elle's change of mind and bold statement add a layer of unpredictability to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Elle's belief in innocence and justice versus Sarah's pragmatic approach to legal matters. Elle values truth and righteousness, while Sarah prioritizes practicality and efficiency in dealing with legal issues.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions of disappointment, defiance, and tension, especially in Elle's interactions with Sarah.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals important character dynamics and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, witty dialogue, and thematic depth. The conflict and tension between characters keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character moments. The rhythm and flow of the scene enhance its dramatic impact and emotional resonance.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure, with clear character motivations, conflicts, and resolutions. The pacing and formatting enhance the scene's impact and effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene transitions are abrupt and could be smoother. There is a sudden shift from Elle at Paulette's salon to Warner playing football, which might confuse the reader. Consider adding a line or two to help the reader follow the story.
  • The dialogue in the Criminal Law class could be more balanced. Right now, it seems like Elle is the only one answering questions, which might not be realistic. Adding more voices to the conversation would make the scene more engaging and believable.
  • The character of Professor Donovan is introduced abruptly, and the reader doesn't have much context about him. Providing more background information about him would help the reader understand his role and significance in the story.
  • The scene could benefit from more sensory details. While there are some visual descriptions, there is a lack of auditory, tactile, and olfactory details. Adding these would make the scene more immersive and engaging for the reader.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two to help the reader transition from Elle at Paulette's salon to Warner playing football. This could be a line of dialogue or a brief description of Elle's thoughts or actions.
  • Add more voices to the conversation in the Criminal Law class. This could be in the form of short responses from other students or a more in-depth discussion between Elle, Sarah, and Professor Donovan.
  • Provide more background information about Professor Donovan. This could be done through a brief description of his appearance, demeanor, or teaching style. Alternatively, you could have another character mention him before he appears in the scene.
  • Add sensory details to the scene. This could include the sound of the football being thrown or caught, the feel of the grass under Elle's beach chair, or the smell of sunscreen and sweat in the air. These details would make the scene more vivid and engaging for the reader.



Scene 16 -  Elle's Failed Attempt to Join Warner's Study Group
48 INT. STUDY LOUNGE - DAY 48
The Harvard Public Interest Law Association meeting is *
O underway. Warner .listens intently, A few seats away, Elle
appears to be taking notes.
CLOSE ON—her "notes" — "I'm free for dinner tonight. Meet
me at The Cask & Flagon at 8." *
She folds the note and sticks it in Underdog's mouth, then points
him toward Warner. Humiliated but dutiful, Underdog bounds off.
CLOSE ON — Underdog, as he carries forth his mission,
arriving at Warner's feet. UNDERDOG'S POV — Warner
discreetly takes the note from him, then looks over at Elle,
who feigns interest in the meeting.
4 9 INT. CASK & FLAGON RESTAURANT - NIGHT 49 *
Elle waits for Warner, alone at a table. Checking her watch
to see it's 8:45, she tries not to be sad.
50 INT. HARVARD LAW LIBRARY - DAY 50 *
Warner and his study group, Sarah and Claire included, sit at
a table, going over their outlines. Elle walks up to the
table, holding a basket of muffins, bright smile on her face.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 43.
50 CONTINUED: 50


ELLE
' I ' m here to join your study group. And
look! I brought sustenance!
She holds up the muffins as the others look up, frowns all
around.
WARNER
(nervously looking at Sarah)
Elle, what're you doing here?
Elle pulls up a chair from another table and holds up a
muffin. '
ELLE
Who's first?
She sits down next to Warner.
SARAH
Our group is full.
ELLE
Oh, God, was this like an RSVP thing?
CLAIRE
No, it's like a smart people thing. And
like Sarah said, we're full.
WARNER
Come on ~ we can make room for one more.
Sarah looks at Warner with evil eyes.
SARAH
We've already assigned the outlines, and
everyone has started theirs',
CLAIRE
(to Warner)
Besides, you wouldn't let the fat guy
_ join.
WARNER
He tried to watch me take'a shower!
Sarah looks at Elle.
SARAH
The answer is no.
Warner looks at her, feeling guilty. He shrugs an "I'm
sorry", but Elle's perkiness has gone.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 44.
50 CONTINUED: (2) 50

She gathers up her muffins and stands, clutching the basket
to her chest as she goes.
ELLE
Then I guess I'll leave you alone.
She walks away, completely deflated, passing by the RAGING
FEMINIST STUDY GROUP. Enid calls out.

ENID
Maybe there's a sorority you could join
instead.
Elle stops and looks at her.
ELLE
(to Enid)
You know, if you'd come to a Rush party,
I would've at least been nice to you.

ENID
Before you voted against me and called me
a dyke behind my back?

ELLE
I don't use that word. Only mean people
use that word. You must've heard it from
Sarah. .
She looks back at Warner's table and walks off. As she does.,
she's nearly mowed down by a gaggle of NERDS led by DORKY *
DAVID, who knock the muffins out of her hands. She stands *
there, even more depressed.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary In the study lounge, Elle passes a note to Underdog to give to Warner, inviting him to dinner. However, Warner doesn't show up at the Cask & Flagon restaurant. Elle then brings muffins to Warner's study group at the library, but they reject her. Elle is hurt and leaves, passing by the Raging Feminist Study Group and getting muffins knocked out of her hands by a group of nerds. The scene ends with Elle feeling even more depressed than before.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some stereotypical character interactions
  • Lack of diversity in perspectives

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor and drama, showcasing Elle's vulnerability and strength.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Elle trying to join Warner's study group to win him back is engaging and sets up conflict and character development.

Plot: 8

The plot advances as Elle faces rejection from Warner's study group, leading to emotional turmoil and determination.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the classic underdog story, with Elle facing rejection and discrimination in a competitive academic setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Elle, Warner, and Sarah, are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Elle experiences rejection but also shows resilience and determination, leading to character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to prove herself as a capable and intelligent student despite facing rejection and humiliation. This reflects her deeper desire for acceptance and respect in a competitive environment.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to join Warner's study group and be accepted by her peers. This reflects the immediate challenge of fitting in and succeeding academically.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Elle and Warner's study group creates tension and emotional stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elle facing multiple challenges and obstacles that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elle as she faces rejection and must navigate her feelings for Warner.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Elle's efforts to win back Warner and her journey at Harvard Law School.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions of the characters and the shifting power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between Elle's optimistic and kind-hearted nature and the elitist and judgmental attitudes of her peers. This challenges Elle's beliefs in fairness and kindness in a competitive environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions from sadness to defiance, making it impactful.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, sharp, and reveals the dynamics between the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes, the conflict between characters, and the audience's investment in Elle's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven drama, with clear setups and payoffs in the interactions between characters.


Critique
  • The scene is too long and could be shortened by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue.
  • The dialogue is a bit wooden and unnatural in places.
  • The characters are not particularly well-developed and their motivations are not clear.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or goal.
  • The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying.
Suggestions
  • Consider cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue, such as the part where Elle asks if she needs to RSVP to the study group and the part where Warner explains why he wouldn't let the fat guy join.
  • Rewrite the dialogue so that it sounds more natural and spontaneous.
  • Develop the characters more by giving them more depth and motivation.
  • Add a clear conflict or goal to the scene.
  • Rewrite the ending of the scene so that it is more satisfying and leaves the reader wanting more.



Scene 17 -  Elle's Night of Exclusion and Rejection
51 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - DAY - LATER 51 *

Elle sinks down onto her bed, deflated. She picks up the
phone and dials.

52 INT. BRIDAL SHOP - DAY 52

Serena, with a new hairdo, and Margot are surrounded by
wedding dresses. Margot talks on her cell phone. We *
INTERCUT.

MARGOT
(to Serena)
It's Elle!
(into phone)
Guess what I ' m doing right this second?

ELLE
Power yoga?


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 45.
52 CONTINUED: 52


MARGOT
Picking out my wedding dress!
ELLE
• What?!
MARGOT
Josh proposed!

ELLE
(startled)
No way —
Serena grabs the phone.
SERENA
(into phone)
;;po you have The Rock yet?
Elle lies.
ELLE
Almost.
SERENA
Well, hurry up so you can come home! We
miss you!
ELLE
I miss you guys! The people here are so
vile! Hardly anyone even talks to me
unless it's to say something that's not
nice. Law school sucks!
SERENA
Oh, my God! I completely forgot to tell
you!
ELLE
What?
SERENA
I got bangs!

ELLE
(hurt and annoyed)
Really —
Margot grabs the phone back.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 46.
52 CONTINUED: (2) 52


MARGOT :
(into phone)
Keep June first open — you're one of my
bridesmaids. And give Warner our love.
ELLE
Iwill.. . .
Margot hangs up and Elle follows suit. Even more deflated.
53 INT. ELLE'S DORM - HALLWAY - DAY - SAME TIME 53 *

Sarah and Claire walk past Elle's room, the door of which is
ajar.
SARAH
It's not just any Halloween party. It's a
"Come as Your Favorite Defendant" party.
CLAIRE
That-'s genius.
Elle pops her head out of the room.
ELLE
(excited)
No way! Someone at this school is
actually having a party?
Sarah and Claire turn around. Elle's face falls when she
sees that it's them.
SARAH
No.

CLAIRE
You must've heard us wrong.
SARAH
Sorry. Looks like you'll be staying home
tonight. Alone.
They continue on as Elle goes back into her room, snubbed.
54 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - CONTINUOUS 54 *
Elle shuts the door behind her and looks at Underdog.
ELLE
I can't believe this. Not only do I not *
have Warner, but I ' m —unpopular! *
The realization hits her hard. Underdog barks. She looks at him.*
• . ' . • • •
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 47.
54 CONTINUED: 54


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
But I wasn't invited.

He barks again.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
You really think I should?

55 EXT. OFF-CAMPUS HOUSE - PORCH - NIGHT 55

Two feet in high heels and fishnet hose stride purposefully
up the sidewalk. .
A perfect butt wearing a bunny tail wiggles up the steps.

56 INT. OFF-CAMPUS HOUSE - NIGHT 56

A party filled with people who are no fun to party with.
NAMETAGS denote which famous defendant everyone is dressed as.
Menenedez's, Tonya Harding's, and Buttafuco's pepper the room.

Elle, decked out in a Playboy Bunny costume — looking sexy
as hell — strides in. People roll their eyes and ignore
her. Elle continues on.

NEARBY — Enid, dressed as Lizzie Borden, axe in hand/ is in
the midst of a tirade against some guy dressed like William
Kennedy Smith.

ENID
The English language is all about subliminal
domination. Take the word "semester". It's a
perfect example of this school's
discriminatory preference of semen to
ovaries. That's why I ' m petitioning to have
next term be referred to as Winter Ovester.

The guy backs up in fright. As Elle passes, Enid looks over.
ENID (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Hey, Elle— I've been meaning to ask you
(re her boobs)
— are those real?

Elle snorts.

ELLE
Enid, please — silicone is so 90's.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 48.
56 CONTINUED: 56


She keeps walking.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary Elle, feeling left out after being excluded from a party, calls her friends Serena and Margot, learning about Margot's engagement and Josh's proposal. Elle lies about having a date with The Rock. Deciding to attend the party in a Playboy Bunny costume, she faces indifference from the partygoers and a rude comment from Enid, dressed as Lizzie Borden, highlighting the exclusivity and lack of welcome she experiences.
Strengths
  • Effective blend of humor and emotion
  • Compelling character development for Elle
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the breakup and law school scenes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively blends humor with emotional depth, setting up a compelling storyline for Elle's character.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a determined woman facing heartbreak and challenges in law school is engaging and relatable.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses with Elle's emotional journey, her decision to attend Harvard Law School, and her attempts to win back her ex-boyfriend.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh situations like a 'Come as Your Favorite Defendant' party and explores themes of social exclusion and self-acceptance in a college setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially Elle, are well-developed and show growth and determination.

Character Changes: 7

Elle undergoes a significant change from heartbreak to determination and sets on a new path to achieve her goals.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to cope with feelings of loneliness and rejection after being excluded from social events and feeling disconnected from her friends. This reflects her deeper need for acceptance, belonging, and validation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to attend a Halloween party and try to fit in with her peers despite feeling out of place and unpopular.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is internal conflict for Elle as she deals with heartbreak and external conflict with her unpopularity in law school.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, presenting obstacles and challenges that test the protagonist's resilience and determination.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are high for Elle as she navigates heartbreak, loneliness, and the challenge of law school while trying to win back her ex-boyfriend.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by showing Elle's decision to attend Harvard Law School and her attempts to win back her ex-boyfriend.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected social situations, character interactions, and emotional revelations that challenge the protagonist's expectations and assumptions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between superficial social norms and genuine personal connections. The protagonist's values of authenticity and friendship are challenged by the shallow interactions and judgmental attitudes of her peers.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions from sadness to hopefulness, engaging the audience in Elle's journey.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the characters' personalities effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the protagonist's emotional journey, introduces conflicts and obstacles, and keeps the audience invested in her struggles and growth.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and emotional beats to maintain tension and momentum, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting that enhances readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre by establishing the protagonist's internal and external goals, introducing conflicts, and building tension towards a resolution.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear goal or conflict for Elle. She is initially upset about being snubbed from a party, but this quickly shifts to her feeling unpopular and alone. This lack of focus makes it difficult for the reader to engage with the scene and understand what Elle is trying to achieve.
  • The dialogue is repetitive and does not reveal much about Elle's character. She repeatedly states that she is not having a good time and that she is unpopular. This becomes monotonous and does not provide any new insights into Elle's feelings or motivations.
  • The scene is too short and does not give Elle enough time to develop or change. She enters the party feeling depressed and leaves feeling the same way. This lack of progression makes the scene feel flat and unsatisfying.
  • The ending of the scene is abrupt and does not provide any closure. Elle simply walks out of the party without interacting with any of the other characters. This leaves the reader feeling unresolved and unsatisfied.
Suggestions
  • Give Elle a clear goal or conflict to work towards in the scene. This could be something as simple as trying to make friends or finding a way to get invited to the party.
  • Use the dialogue to reveal more about Elle's character. What are her hopes and dreams? What are her fears and insecurities? This will help the reader to connect with Elle and understand her motivations.
  • Expand the scene to give Elle more time to develop and change. This could involve adding more dialogue, interactions with other characters, or even a subplot that runs alongside the main storyline.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending. This could involve Elle achieving her goal, resolving her conflict, or simply coming to a new understanding of herself or her situation.



Scene 18 -  Elle's Costume and Warner's Doubts
57 INT. INTO THE LIVING ROOM - AT THE BAR -CONTINUOUS 57

Sarah — dressed as Hester Prynne — and Claire —as Joan of
Arc -- sip wine.

ELLE
(continuing; sarcastic)
Thanks for inviting me, girls. This party
is super fun.

They roll their eyes, checking out her Bunny costume.
SARAH
You're supposed to be dressed as a famous
defendant.

Elle smiles at Sarah.

ELLE
I am. Didn't you hear about the Playboy
Bunny who slit her ex- boyfriend's new
fiancee's throat with a broken wine
glass? It was tragic.

She grabs a glass of wine and moves on.
58 EXT. OFF-CAMPUS HOUSE - BACK PORCH - NIGHT 58

Elle walks onto the back porch and finds Warner —dressed as
O.J. in a USC football uniform, number 32, with a ball and
chain on his foot.

ELLE
Hey, O.J.

Warner turns. He looks around for Sarah. Not seeing her, he
smiles at Elle, admiring her costume.

WARNER
Wow. You're a walking felony.

ELLE
Thank you. Having fun?

WARNER
(checking her out)
Now I am.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 49.
58 CONTINUED: 58


ELLE
(flirty)
I feel like we've barely spent any time
together since we got here.
WARNER
That's because I spend all my time with
case studies and hypos.
ELLE
Tell me about it. I can't imagine doing
all this and Donovan's internship next
year.
WARNER
(scoffing)
Elle, c'mon, there's no way you'll get
the grades to qualify for one of those
spots. You're not smart enough.
She can't believe he's saying this. He realizes he's gone
too far, and back-pedals.
WARNER (CONT'D)
(continuing)
I didn't mean —
ELLE
(cutting him off)
Am I on glue, or did I not get into the
same law school you did, Warner?
WARNER
(covering)
Well, yeah, but —
ELLE
But what? We took the same LSAT, we take
the same classes —
WARNER
I just don't want to see you get your
hopes up. You know how you get.
She stares at him. Realizing the awful truth.
ELLE
I'11 never be good enough for you, will
I?
When he doesn't answer, she walks back into the house.
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 50.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary Elle, dressed as a Playboy Bunny, joins Sarah and Claire at the bar. Warner, dressed as O.J., flirts with Elle but later dismisses her chances of getting a prestigious internship, causing a conflict. Elle, hurt by Warner's lack of faith in her abilities, walks back into the house, ending the scene.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Witty dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the party setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines humor, romance, and drama, with strong character interactions and emotional depth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elle attending a party in a Playboy Bunny costume and confronting Warner about their relationship adds depth to the storyline and reveals more about the characters.

Plot: 9

The plot advances as Elle confronts Warner about their relationship, leading to a pivotal moment in their dynamic.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on college party dynamics and explores themes of intelligence and self-worth in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Elle and Warner, are well-developed and their interactions drive the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Elle experiences a significant emotional change as she confronts Warner about her self-worth and their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to prove herself as smart and capable, especially in the eyes of Warner, who doubts her abilities. This reflects her deeper need for validation and acceptance.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to enjoy the party and spend time with Warner, but also to confront his condescending attitude towards her intelligence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict between Elle and Warner, adding tension and emotional depth to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition between Elle and Warner is strong, with conflicting beliefs and emotional consequences for both characters.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elle as she confronts Warner about their relationship and her self-worth.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about Elle and Warner's relationship dynamics and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected confrontation between Elle and Warner, adding tension and emotional depth.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between Warner's belief in Elle's lack of intelligence and Elle's belief in her own capabilities. This challenges Elle's values and self-worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to heartbreak, making it impactful and engaging for the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the underlying emotions of the characters, enhancing the scene's impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, drama, and character dynamics. The conflict between Elle and Warner keeps the audience invested.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional stakes, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven college party scene, with clear character motivations and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene doesn't seem to advance the plot or character development in any significant way. It's more of a filler scene that could be cut without losing anything important.
  • The dialogue is a bit forced and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way people actually talk.
  • The characters are not particularly well-developed. We don't get much sense of their motivations or personalities.
  • The scene is too long. It could be shortened by at least a third without losing anything important.
  • The scene lacks a clear focus. It's not clear what the writer is trying to achieve with this scene.
  • The scene is too predictable. We can guess what's going to happen next, which makes it less engaging.
  • The scene is too similar to other scenes in the screenplay. It doesn't add anything new or interesting to the story.
Suggestions
  • Cut the scene entirely.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and believable.
  • Develop the characters more by giving them clear motivations and personalities.
  • Shorten the scene by removing unnecessary dialogue and action.
  • Add a clear focus to the scene by identifying what the writer is trying to achieve with it.
  • Make the scene less predictable by adding some unexpected twists or turns.
  • Add something new or interesting to the scene to make it stand out from the others in the screenplay.



Scene 19 -  Elle's Determination: Overcoming Doubts and Proving Worth
59 INT. OFF-CAMPUS HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT -SAME TIME 59

A group of tipsy ILs stand around. One of them holds a salad
bowl filled with cash.
ENID
I give her two more weeks.

She throws a twenty into the bowl. ' •. .
DORKY DAVID
Two and a half?

He throws in his twenty as well.

SARAH
If she spreads her legs, maybe —

ARROGANT AARON
(adjusting his crotch)
Only if I ' m feeling generous.

ELLE (O.S.)
What is this?

They turn around to find Elle standing there.

CLAIRE
We're betting on how much longer you're
going to last.
ELLE
(stung)
What?

SARAH
Look around, Elle. Do you actually think
you belong here?

They all stare at her.

ELLE
(hurt)
Why wouldn't I?

ENID
Because the rest of us provide some
worthwhile value to society?

ARROGANT AARON
Hold on, now — every society needs a
bimbo. Who are we supposed to sleep with
after we get rich?

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 51.
59 CONTINUED: 59


Elle looks like she's been slapped. The others laugh at
Aaron's esteemed wit.

ELLE
You know what? All of you can just kiss
my ass.
She yanks off her Bunny tail and throws it at them. Hurt and
anger in her eyes. Then walks out of the room.

' ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing; to herself)
You're about to see just how valuable
Elle Woods can be.
She stomps out of the house.

A GIRL-POWER SONG STARTS TO PLAY AS A MONTAGE BEGINS:

60 INT. HARVARD BOOKSTORE - NIGHT 60

A hot pink laptop is yanked off the shelf.
CUT TO:

Elle, still in her Bunny suit, minus the tail, stands in
line, paying for the laptop. People gape at her, but she's
oblivious in her resolve.

EMMETT walks up behind her in line. He clears his throat,
trying not to look at her costume.

Elle turns, seeing him.

ELLE
Don't ask.
EMMETT
Wasn't gonna. -

She marches off. Laptop in hand.

61 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT 61

A pony-tailed Elle types a brief, coffee next to her.
Underdog sleeps nearby, belly-up. Legs twitching in a
nightmare. Typing furiously, Elle breaks a nail, then
struggles to forge on, despite her instinct to stop and
repair it.
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 52.



62 INT. LAW LIBRARY - DAY 62

Elle — arms full of books — walks past the Warner/Sarah
study group. Sarah and Claire scowl at her, but Elle passes
with her head held high.
63 INT. STUDY LOUNGE - DAY 63
Enid is surrounded by study materials and notecards. When
she gets up to use the ladies' room, Elle casually walks over
and slips a notecard into the middle of Enid's stack. Then
quickly walks on. '
64 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - DAY 64 *

Paulette quizzes Elle from a law textbook as her nails dry. *
As she waits for Elle's answer, Paulette showers Underdog *
with kisses, showing him pictures of Rufus. *
65 INT. CRIMINAL LAW CLASS - DAY .. 65

Donovan is in the midst of a lecture. He points at Elle.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
And the purpose of "diminished capacity"
is?
She swallows nervously, then speaks.
ELLE
To negate mens rea?
Donovan nods affirmatively and continues. Elle hides a
smile.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Elle overhears a group of Ils, including Enid, Dorky David, Sarah, and Arrogant Aaron, betting on how long she will last at Harvard. Hurt by their comments, Elle decides to prove her worth by purchasing a laptop and starting to study. She interacts with supportive characters like Emmett, Paulette, and Professor Donovan, showing her determination to succeed in law school. The scene highlights the conflict between Elle and the Ils, who doubt her ability to succeed, and ends with Elle resolute in proving them wrong.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Stereotypical portrayal of characters
  • Lack of diversity in perspectives

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines humor, drama, and character development, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elle facing challenges and proving her worth in a hostile environment is compelling and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 9

The plot advances as Elle faces adversity and takes a stand, leading to character growth and conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the college setting, exploring themes of identity, self-worth, and societal expectations. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Elle, are well-developed and show depth through their actions and dialogue.

Character Changes: 8

Elle undergoes a significant change by standing up for herself and asserting her value, showing growth and strength.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove her worth and value to herself and others. Elle is hurt by the comments made about her and wants to show that she is more than just a stereotype or a bimbo.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to defy the expectations and judgments of her peers. Elle wants to challenge their assumptions about her and show that she is capable of achieving success on her own terms.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict as Elle faces ridicule and doubt from her peers, leading to tension and emotional impact.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters challenging Elle's beliefs and values, creating conflict and tension. The audience is left unsure of how Elle will respond and what the outcome will be.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elle as she faces rejection and doubt, but her determination raises the stakes even higher.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing conflict, character development, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it challenges the audience's expectations and assumptions about the characters and their motivations. Elle's actions and reactions are surprising and keep viewers on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between superficial judgment and true worth. The characters value appearance and social status over substance and intelligence, which challenges Elle's beliefs about self-worth and value.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of hurt, anger, and determination in the audience, creating a strong connection.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, sharp, and reveals the characters' personalities effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it captures the audience's attention with its sharp dialogue, emotional depth, and character development. The conflict and tension keep viewers invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, keeping viewers engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journey. The rhythm of the scene enhances the impact of key moments and reveals character motivations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a group of Ils betting on how much longer Elle will last at Harvard. This is an interesting way to start the scene, as it shows that Elle is not well-respected by her peers.
  • The dialogue between the Ils is fairly stereotypical and one-dimensional. Enid, Dorky David, Sarah, and Arrogant Aaron all make snide remarks about Elle, and Elle responds by saying that she will prove them wrong.
  • The scene ends with Elle walking out of the room, hurt and angry. This is a powerful moment, and it shows that Elle is finally starting to stand up for herself.
  • The montage that follows shows Elle working hard to improve herself. She buys a laptop, starts studying, and goes to the law library. This shows that Elle is determined to succeed, and it is clear that she is not going to give up.
Suggestions
  • The scene could be more dynamic if the dialogue between the Ils was more varied. For example, one of the Ils could be more sympathetic towards Elle, or one of them could have a different perspective on her.
  • The scene could be more interesting if it showed Elle interacting with more people. For example, she could talk to a professor, a classmate, or a friend.
  • The scene could be more impactful if it ended with Elle doing something more than just walking out of the room. For example, she could confront the Ils, or she could give a speech about her determination to succeed.



Scene 20 -  Elle's Playful Prank on Arrogant Aaron
66 INT. LAW LIBRARY - NIGHT 66

Elle reaches for a book on a high shelf, but she's not tall
enough. She tries a running start and leaps for it. Still
missing it. *
FROM THE LEFT, she runs and leaps again, missing again. *
FROM THE RIGHT, she runs and leaps again, missing again. *
Dorky David walks up and sets down a step-stool at her: feet.
Now winded, she smiles her thanks, stepping up to retrieve *
her book. *
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 53.



67 INT. STUDY LOUNGE - DAY 67

Enid flips through her notecards, memorizing, when she comes
upon a picture of a NAKED MAN. Oh, the horror. She throws it
down in disgust as if her eyes have been burned.
Looking around, Enid sees Elle smiling and waving at her from *
across the room. *
68 INT. LAW LIBRARY - DAY 68

Elle walks past Arrogant Aaron, as he sleeps at his study
cubicle, head back on the chair.
She stops, backs up, and waves her hand over his face. When
he doesn't stir, she takes a magic marker out of her knapsack
and leans over to write something on his forehead. *
69 INT. ELLE1S DORM ROOM - DAY 69 *

Elle works out on her Elliptical Crosstrainer as she listens
to a lecture tape and watches Court TV on mute.
LECTURER (V.O.)

"A failure to act can constitute the actus reus for
accomplice liability if the defendant has the legal duty to
intervene, but fails to do so."
70 INT. LAW LIBRARY - DAY 70>

Arrogant Aaron wakes up with a start, checks his watch, and
rushes off to class. Oblivious to his facial graffiti, which
we can't yet read.
71 INT. CIVIL PROCEDURES CLASS - DAY 71
Professor Stromwell is in front of the class.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
So you've filed a claim. Now what?
She looks over to see Elle sitting there, typing on her
laptop.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Ms. Woods?
ELLE
Don't you also need to have evidence?


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 54.
71 CONTINUED: 71


PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Meaning?
Everyone now stares at Elle.

'ELLE
Meaning you need — reasonable belief
that your claim would have, like,
evidentiary support?

Stromwell is somewhat impressed, but doesn't show it.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL
And what kind of evidentiary support does
this case require? Let's ask Mr.
Harriman, who clearly believes that I
might be hungry.
She looks up at Arrogant Aaron in the back row. Who
unknowingly has "Eat Me" written on his forehead. He looks
back at her, confused, as the students around him snicker.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Elle struggles to reach a book and is helped by Dorky David. She playfully marks 'Eat Me' on Arrogant Aaron's forehead while he sleeps in the library, which is later highlighted in class, causing amusement among the students. The scene takes place in various indoor settings, including the law library, study lounge, Elle's dorm room, and Civil Procedures class, during the day and night. The tone is light-hearted and humorous, with a touch of sarcasm and playfulness.
Strengths
  • Elle's determination
  • Humorous interactions with characters
  • Balanced mix of humor and drama
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable elements
  • Slightly cliched character dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively showcases Elle's determination and resilience in the face of challenges, with a good balance of humor and drama.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of Elle facing obstacles in law school and striving to succeed is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses well, showing Elle's interactions with various characters and her efforts to prove herself.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique characters and situations within the familiar setting of a law school, adding authenticity and freshness to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Elle's determination and resilience standing out.

Character Changes: 7

Elle undergoes some character development, showing her growth and resilience in the face of challenges.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to prove herself as a competent and knowledgeable law student, despite facing challenges and obstacles.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to navigate the academic and social challenges of law school while maintaining her confidence and reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, particularly in Elle's interactions with other characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene adds conflict and humor, creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate, with Elle's reputation and success in law school on the line.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing Elle's journey in law school and her interactions with other characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between characters and humorous twists.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is between Elle's determination to succeed in a competitive environment and the pressure to conform to societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, especially in Elle's moments of vulnerability and determination.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is witty and engaging, capturing the humor and drama of the scene.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its humor, character dynamics, and relatable academic setting.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, humor, and character dynamics, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to industry standards for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven comedy in a law school setting, with clear setups and payoffs.


Critique
  • The scene is too long, with 6 different locations. This makes it difficult for the reader to follow and stay engaged.
  • The scene lacks a clear focus. It starts with Elle trying to reach a book, then moves on to her waving at Enid, writing on Arrogant Aaron's forehead, working out in her dorm room, and finally asking a question in Civil Procedures class.
  • The scene lacks conflict. Elle's interactions with the other characters are mostly superficial and don't lead to any meaningful conflict or resolution.
  • The scene is full of unnecessary details. For example, we don't need to know that Elle is listening to a lecture tape and watching Court TV on mute while she works out.
  • The dialogue is stilted and unnatural. Some of the character's behaviors are also odd, such as Elle writing a derogatory phrase on Arrogant Aaron's forehead for no reason.
Suggestions
  • Cut down on the number of locations in the scene.
  • Give the scene a clear focus, such as Elle trying to prove herself to her classmates.
  • Add more conflict to the scene, such as Elle facing opposition from another character.
  • Remove unnecessary details.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural.



Scene 21 -  Elle's Legal Victory: Challenging Sperm Donor Rights
72 EXT. BEAUTY OASIS - NIGHT 72
A "Closed" sign is on the door.
THROUGH THE WINDOW, we see Elle and Paulette sitting in the
empty salon, laughing and clinking cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon
as they toast Elle's small victory. We PULL BACK, leaving
them laughing, as the MONTAGE ENDS.

73 INT. CRIMINAL LAW CLASS - DAY 73
"THE STATE V. LATIMER" is written on the board. A pony-
tailed, less made-up Elle takes notes on her lap-top, as
Warner makes an argument.

WARNER
. According to Swinney v. Neubert, Swinney,
who was also a private sperm donor, was
allowed visitation rights as long as he
came to terms with the hours set forth by
the parents. So, if we're sticking to
past precedent, Mr. Latimer wasn't
stalking— he was clearly within his
rights to ask for visitation.

PROFESSOR DONQVAN
But Swinney was a one-time sperm donor,
and in our case, the defendant was a
habitual sperm donor, who also happens to
be harassing the parents in his quest for
visitation.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 55.
73 CONTINUED: "73


WARNER
But, without this man's sperm —the
child in question would not exist.

He grins and looks around as the class murmurs their
agreement.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Now you're thinking like a lawyer.

EMMETT enters from the back, holding a file. He stands there
quietly, watching. •
Elle tentatively raises her hand.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN (CONT'D)
Ms. Woods?
Sarah looks at Claire.

SARAH
(sotto)
The idiot speaks.

ELLE
Although Mr. Huntington makes an
excellent point, I have to wonder if the *
defendant kept a thorough record of each *
sperm emission made throughout his life?

The class titters. Elle grows annoyed.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
(bemused)
Why do you ask?

Elle's hesitancy is replaced by conviction.
ELLE
Well, unless the defendant attempted to *
contact every single one-night- stand to
determine if a child resulted in those
unions — then he has no parental claim
whatsoever over this child. Why this
sperm? Why now? '

Emmett's mouth twitches into a smile.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 56.
73 CONTINUED: (2) 73


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
For that matter, all masturbatory
emissions where his sperm was clearly not
seeking an egg could be termed reckless
abandonment.

Warner's mouth hangs open. As does Sarah's and the rest of
the class. Donovan smiles.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
I believe you've just won your case.

Elle grins. :
Genres: ["Comedy","Legal Drama"]

Summary Elle Woods celebrates a small victory at the Beauty Oasis salon with Paulette before attending her Criminal Law class. During the class, Elle, now with less makeup and a ponytail, confronts Warner and another student's argument that a sperm donor has visitation rights. Elle challenges their stance by questioning the defendant's records and intent, transforming the academic and serious tone of the class into a lively debate. The professor ultimately sides with Elle, ending the scene with her triumphant victory.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Witty dialogue
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched moments
  • Slightly predictable outcomes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, humorous, and showcases Elle's growth and determination in a compelling way.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elle using unconventional legal arguments to win a case is entertaining and showcases her intelligence and creativity.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with Elle facing challenges in law school and ultimately triumphing in a legal argument.

Originality: 9

The level of originality in this scene is high due to the fresh approach to legal arguments and the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their interactions add depth to the scene, especially Elle's growth and determination.

Character Changes: 8

Elle undergoes significant growth and change in the scene, showcasing her determination and intelligence.

Internal Goal: 8

{"What is the protagonist's internal goal in this scene? How does it reflect their deeper needs, fears, or desires?":"Elle's internal goal in this scene is to prove her legal knowledge and skills to her classmates and professor. This reflects her desire to be taken seriously and respected in a male-dominated field."}

External Goal: 7

{"What is the protagonist's external goal in this scene? How does it reflect the immediate circumstances or challenges they're facing?":"Elle's external goal in this scene is to win her case by presenting a strong argument based on legal principles. This reflects the challenge she faces in proving her point against the opposing arguments."}


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a good level of conflict, especially between Elle and her classmates, which adds tension and interest to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong as Elle faces challenges from her classmates and the legal arguments presented.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate, with Elle proving herself in a legal argument and facing challenges in law school.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward effectively, especially in Elle's legal triumph and her interactions with other characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of Elle's unexpected legal argument and the reactions of the other characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

{"Is there a philosophical conflict (two competing value systems) evident in this scene? If so, describe it. How does it challenge or relate to the protagonist's beliefs, values, or worldview?":"The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the legal principles of parental rights and responsibilities. Elle challenges the traditional views by questioning the defendant's claim to parental rights based on sperm donation."}


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, especially in Elle's triumph and growth as a character.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and showcases the characters' personalities and conflicts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, the tension in the legal argument, and Elle's compelling character.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension during the legal argument and resolving it with Elle's winning point.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for a legal drama genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene transition from the previous one is not smooth. The last scene ends with Arrogant Aaron having 'Eat Me' written on his forehead, but the next scene starts with a completely different setting and characters. It would be better to have a more natural transition to maintain the flow of the story.
  • The dialogue in this scene is mostly focused on the legal argument, which can be dry and hard to follow for some readers. While it's important to establish Elle's intelligence and competence in law school, it's also crucial to balance it with more personal and relatable moments to keep the audience engaged.
  • The character of Professor Donovan is introduced in this scene, but his character is not well-established yet. It would be helpful to provide more context about his personality, teaching style, and relationship with the other characters to make the scene more impactful.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two that connects the previous scene to this one, such as having Elle think about the 'Eat Me' incident and how it relates to her current situation in class.
  • Add more personal moments or humor to the dialogue to make it more engaging and relatable to the audience. For example, Elle could make a self-deprecating joke about her fashion background or share a quick anecdote that relates to the legal argument.
  • Provide more context about Professor Donovan's character to make the scene more impactful. This could be done through a brief description of his appearance, demeanor, or teaching style. Additionally, having him interact with other characters in a more meaningful way, such as calling on specific students or addressing the class as a whole, would help to establish his role in the story.



Scene 22 -  Elle's Empowerment: Impressing Professors and Encouraging Friends
74 INT. DONOVAN'S CLASS - LATER 74

As the students file out, Elle passes Donovan.

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
You did well today.

She stops.

ELLE
I did?

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
You're applying for my internship, aren't
you?

ELLE
I don ' t know —

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
You should. Do you have a resume?

ELLE
(excited)
" ••'.' . • •. . . i do. ' ' , .''. •' . . • ; . .
She pulls a resume out of her briefcase and hands it to him..
He looks at it. •
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
It's pink.

ELLE
And engraved... Gives it that extra
little something, doesn't it? .
(smiling)
See you tomorrow!


(CONTINUED)
.9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 57.
74 CONTINUED: 74


She walks on. Emmett walks up, handing the file to Donovan.
EMMETT
I brought you the Windham notes. *
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
(watching Elle go)
You think she just woke up one morning
and said, "I think I'll go to law school
today!"?
Eitimett looks after Elle, bemused.

EMMETT
Aside from that lapse in judgement —
she's got potential.
75 INT. ELLE'S CAR-DAY 75 *
Elle drives. Paulette is shotgun. • *
PAULETTE
You showed up Warner in class? You're
supposed to be showing up Sarah.
ELLE
I couldn't help it! It was the most fun
I've had since I've been in law school.
Not only was I good enough for Warner —
I was better than him. He has to see
serious I am now. Even Donovan was
impressed, and he's a total hard- ass.
Elle stops the car and turns off the ignition. *
ELLE (CONT'D) *
You ready? *
PAULETTE •. *
No. '•*
ELLE *
Yes, you are. Go — you can do this. . *
She points ahead of them. Paulette goes. *
76 EXT. DEWEY'S TRAILER - DAY . 76 *

The door opens. DEWEY(40s) and his beer gut emerge. *
Paulette is on the porch. Trying to exude confidence, but *
failing. *



(CONTINUED)
9/172000 Revision (Blue) 58.
16 CONTINUED: 76


DEWEY *
(to Paulette) *
What the hell do yon want? We're eating *
dinner. *
PAULETTE *
I just — *
DEWEY *
You just thought you'd come over and show *
me what I 'm definitely not missing? *
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Elle receives praise from Professor Donovan for her class performance, which leads to a conversation about an internship opportunity. Elle presents her unique resume, and Donovan questions her decision to attend law school. Meanwhile, Emmett observes the conversation, and Elle shares her excitement with Paulette, encouraging her to approach Dewey. The scene takes place in Donovan's class, Elle's car, and Dewey's trailer, with a positive and uplifting tone. Key pieces of dialogue include Donovan's praise and comment about Elle's pink resume, and Elle's encouragement of Paulette. Visual elements include Elle's pink resume, Paulette's nervous demeanor, and Dewey's beer gut. The scene ends with Paulette hesitantly making her way to Dewey's trailer.
Strengths
  • Strong character development for Elle
  • Engaging plot progression
  • Witty dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively showcases Elle's determination and sets up potential conflicts and character growth.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elle facing challenges in law school and trying to prove herself is engaging and sets up future developments.

Plot: 9

The plot advances as Elle faces obstacles and makes decisions that will impact her future.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the law school setting by focusing on Elle's journey to prove herself and balance ambition with authenticity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Elle's character is well-developed, showing her determination, vulnerability, and humor.

Character Changes: 8

Elle undergoes a change in mindset, becoming more determined and focused on her goals.

Internal Goal: 8

{"What is the protagonist's internal goal in this scene? How does it reflect their deeper needs, fears, or desires?":"Elle's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself and gain recognition for her abilities. This reflects her desire for validation, success, and respect in a competitive academic and professional environment."}

External Goal: 7

{"What is the protagonist's external goal in this scene? How does it reflect the immediate circumstances or challenges they're facing?":"Elle's external goal in this scene is to secure an internship with Professor Donovan. This reflects her immediate challenge of advancing her career and gaining valuable experience in the legal field."}


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is internal conflict for Elle as she tries to prove herself and external conflict with other characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and challenge the protagonist's goals, keeping the audience engaged and uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elle as she tries to prove herself in a challenging environment.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by showing Elle's progress and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected interactions between characters and the protagonist's decisions that challenge traditional expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

{"Is there a philosophical conflict (two competing value systems) evident in this scene? If so, describe it. How does it challenge or relate to the protagonist's beliefs, values, or worldview?":"The philosophical conflict in this scene is between ambition and authenticity. Elle is torn between presenting herself in a polished, professional manner to impress Donovan and staying true to her unique, pink resume. This challenges her beliefs about success and self-expression."}


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits emotions of hope, determination, and empathy for Elle.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty and reveals character dynamics effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, character dynamics, and the protagonist's journey to prove herself in a competitive environment.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and highlighting key character moments, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical format for a character-driven dialogue scene, with clear interactions and transitions between characters.


Critique
  • The scene transition from the previous one is a bit abrupt. It might be helpful to provide some context or a brief transition to show that Elle is now in Donovan's class.
  • The dialogue between Donovan and Elle could benefit from more development. It feels a bit stilted and lacks depth. Consider adding more substance to their conversation to show their dynamic and Elle's determination.
  • The scene ends with Elle and Paulette driving away, but it's unclear where they're going or what their plan is. Providing more context or direction would help the reader understand their goals and motivations.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two about Elle's thoughts or feelings as she enters Donovan's class, to provide more context and transition from the previous scene.
  • Develop the dialogue between Donovan and Elle to show their dynamic and Elle's determination. For example, Donovan could ask Elle why she wants to be a lawyer, or Elle could express her passion for justice and her desire to make a difference.
  • Add a line or two about Elle and Paulette's plan, to provide more context and direction. For example, Elle could mention that they're going to Paulette's trailer to discuss legal matters, or Paulette could express her excitement about working with Elle.



Scene 23 -  Elle Woods Secures Rufus's Return for Paulette
77 INT. ELLE'S CAR - DAY -SAME TIME 77 *

She watches, frowning. *

78 EXT. DEWEY 'S TRAILER - DAY -CONTINUOUS 78 *'

Dewey's really having fun now. *

; DEWEY ; *
What the hell happened to you? You get a *
job at a donut shop? *
• PAULETTE *
That's not what — *
DEWEY *
How many times you gonna show up here, *
beggin1 me to take you back? ' *

Paulette reddens — flustered and humiliated. Elle appears *
next to her. *
ELLE *
Dewey Newcomb? *
DEWEY *
Who's askin' *
ELLE *
. I ' m Elle Woods. Ms. Bonaf ante's • . *
attorney. *

Paulette looks at Elle in surprise, Elle keeps going. *
*
ELLE (CONT'D) *
Under state law, you and Ms. Bonaf ante *
had a common law marriage which entitles *
her to the benefits of property law and *
an equitable division of assets. *


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 59.
78 CONTINUED: "78


Paulette watches Elle, mouth hanging open. *

DEWEY
(confused) *
Come again? *
ELLE *
Due to the fact that you retained the *
residence, Ms. Bonafante is entitled to *
full ownership of the canine property in *
question and we will be enforcing said *
ownership immediately. *
DEWEY : *
Huh? *
ELLE *•
Tell him, Paulette. *
A still-stunned Paulette looks at Elle, then turns to Dewey, *
fire in her ass. '•.." *
PAULETTE •*
I ' m taking the dog dumbass. *
(calling into the trailer) *
C'mere, baby, Mommy's here! *

Rufus bounds out, licking and kissing Paulette. The love *
evident. *
Genres: ["Comedy","Legal Drama"]

Summary Elle Woods, assertive and professional, visits Dewey's trailer to discuss legal matters regarding the common law marriage of Paulette and her dog Rufus. Initially confused, Dewey eventually understands and hands over Rufus. Paulette, surprised and empowered, takes back her beloved pet, ending the conflict. The scene takes place in the afternoon, in Dewey's trailer's exterior and Elle's car's interior, and is serious in tone with a hint of triumph and relief for Paulette.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Character development
  • Humorous elements
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be too on-the-nose

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, humorous, and showcases Elle's growth and determination in her legal studies.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a legal showdown at a trailer park adds a unique and entertaining element to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot of Elle using her legal knowledge to help Paulette in a surprising setting adds depth to her character and advances the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on legal disputes in a domestic setting, combining humor and legal expertise in a unique way. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Elle and Paulette, are well-developed and their interactions are engaging.

Character Changes: 8

Elle demonstrates growth and confidence in her legal abilities during the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert her legal knowledge and authority, showcasing her intelligence and capability. This reflects her desire for justice and empowerment.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to enforce Ms. Bonafante's ownership of the dog and assert her legal rights in the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict between Elle and Dewey, adding tension and drama to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Dewey's resistance and Paulette's assertiveness creating conflict and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Paulette in the legal battle over ownership of the dog.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by showcasing Elle's legal skills and determination.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected legal twist and the characters' surprising actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of justice, power dynamics, and personal agency. Dewey's resistance to the legal claims challenges the protagonist's beliefs in fairness and the rule of law.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a mix of emotions, from humor to empowerment.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty and showcases Elle's legal expertise and determination.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the conflict, humor, and legal intrigue that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and dynamic, with quick exchanges and escalating tension that drive the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with a setup, confrontation, and resolution, fitting the expected format for a legal drama genre.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with clear dialogue and actions that move the story forward.
  • The characters' emotions are well-conveyed, particularly Paulette's humiliation and Elle's determination.
  • The legal argument presented by Elle is clear and concise, making it easy for the reader to understand the situation.
  • The scene's pacing is well-balanced, with a good mix of dialogue and actions.
  • The use of descriptive language, such as 'Paulette reddens' and 'Rufus bounds out, licking and kissing Paulette', adds depth to the scene and helps the reader visualize the events.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more context to the scene to help the reader understand the significance of the events. For example, explaining why Paulette is at Dewey's trailer or what the common law marriage means for Elle's case.
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the scene, such as sounds, smells, or tactile sensations, to make the scene more immersive.
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue to convey the characters' emotions and motivations. For example, Dewey's confusion and Paulette's hesitation could be emphasized through subtle changes in the dialogue.
  • Consider adding more tension to the scene by emphasizing the power dynamic between Dewey and Paulette. For example, showing Dewey's resistance to giving up Rufus or Paulette's fear of confronting Dewey.



Scene 24 -  Elle's Surprising Internship Offer
79 INT./EXT. ELLE'S CAR - A MOMENT LATER 79 *

Elle, Paulette and Rufus get in. *

ELLE *
We did it! . *
Elle high-fives her. *
PAULETTE *
God, that felt great! *
ELLE • *
Look at him. He's still scratching his *
head. *
PAULETTE . *
Which must be a nice vacation for his *
balls. . . *

She turns to Rufus, hugging him. *



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 60.
79 CONTINUED: 79


PAULETTE (CONT'D) *
And now Mommy's got somebody to eat *
dinner with again. You don't care what *
Mommy's butt looks like, do you? *
Elle looks over at Paulette, heart going out to her. *
80 INT. CIVIL PROCEDURES CLASS - DAY 80

Elle turns on her Powerbook as Professor Stromwell faces the
class with her morning quote.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
"An image and a good hook can get you
into a room —• but something has to keep
you in that room."

She looks around as hands are raised.

PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Mr. Greenstein?

INTENSE IVAN
Judge Sandra Day 0'Connor?

PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Close.. . .

Intense Ivan's face falls. She looks around, seeing Elle
raising her hand.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL (CONT'D)
(continuing) -
Ms. Woods?
ELLE
Madonna?
The class rolls their eyes and laughs, watching Stromwell.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
Damn. Thought I ' d get everyone on that
one.
The class can't believe Elle is right.
81 EXT. CRIMINAL LAW CLASS - HALLWAY - DAY 81

A THRONG of buzzing students is gathered around the bulletin
board. Elle walks up.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 61.
81 CONTINUED: 81


ELLE
What's going on?

DORKY DAVID
Donovan's firm is defending a major
murder case and his caseload is so heavy
he's taking on first year interns.

ELLE
He chose them already?

Sarah, at the front of the throng, gasps, then turns to
Warner.

SARAH
We got it!

He grins and she kisses him on the cheek. Elle, shoved to
the back, tries to get closer, when she hears —

ENID
The competition must not have been that
' • stiff. •

Arrogant Aaron pushes his way to the board. .*

ARROGANT AARON
Why? ion .got a spot? *

ENID *
Hey! Watch your hands, Mr.Grabass. *

ARROGANT AARON '*
(ignoring her) *
That only leaves one for — *
Elle, now next to him, gets a look at the board.

ELLE
(shocked)
Me?!

Everyone REACTS. She turns and faces the throng. They stare
back at her in shock. *
Dignified, she walks through them as they PART for her, *
stopping in front of Warner and Sarah. *
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing; to Warner) • *
Remember the time after Winter Formal? *
When we spent four incredible hours In *
the hot tub...? *

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 62.
81 CONTINUED: (2) 81


Sarah looks away. . • *
ELLE (CONT'D) *
This is way better than that. *
(pushing Sarah aside) *
Excuse me. I have some shopping to do. *
As she goes, surprised CHATTER overtakes the hallway.
Genres: ["Comedy","Drama"]

Summary Elle, Paulette, and Rufus celebrate their victory and head off in Elle's car. At her Civil Procedures class, Elle correctly answers a question posed by Professor Stromwell, which leaves her classmates in awe. After class, Elle learns that she has been chosen as an intern for a major murder case, much to her surprise and the shock of her classmates. The scene is filled with joy, tension, and surprise as Elle navigates this new development in her law school journey.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Humorous moments
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable elements
  • Slightly cliched interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, filled with humor, drama, and a sense of triumph for Elle. It effectively showcases her determination and resilience.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elle facing challenges, proving herself, and succeeding against the odds is well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with Elle's journey to gain recognition and respect in a competitive environment driving the scene forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and original situations within a familiar college and legal setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to life, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with Elle's growth and interactions with others adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Elle undergoes a significant change by proving her capabilities and gaining recognition, boosting her confidence.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself and gain recognition for her abilities. She wants to show that she is capable of handling challenging tasks and deserves to be taken seriously.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to secure an internship at a prestigious law firm. This goal reflects her desire to succeed in her legal career and make a name for herself in the field.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict, mainly in the form of Elle facing skepticism and criticism from her peers.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the characters' actions. Elle faces challenges and obstacles that test her resolve and determination.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as Elle strives to prove herself in a competitive academic environment.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by showcasing Elle's progress and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and decisions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between Elle's determination to defy stereotypes and prove her worth in a male-dominated field, and the expectations and biases of her peers and professors.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to empathy for Elle's struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the personalities of the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, witty dialogue, and compelling storytelling. The conflicts and stakes are well-established, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and character moments. The rhythm and flow of the scene enhance its effectiveness and impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and coherent structure, with a well-defined beginning, middle, and end. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness and engagement.


Critique
  • The scene transitions are well-executed, creating a smooth flow between Elle's victory celebration with Paulette and her class participation.
  • The dialogue is witty and engaging, particularly Elle's response to Professor Stromwell's question in class.
  • The introduction of the murder case internship opportunity adds an interesting layer to the story, raising the stakes for Elle's performance in class.
  • The scene effectively showcases Elle's growing confidence and assertiveness, as she challenges her ex-boyfriend Warner's argument and later confronts Donovan about his inappropriate behavior.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to help the reader better imagine the setting and characters, such as Elle's appearance and demeanor in class.
  • To create more tension and anticipation, you could expand the scene where Elle learns about the internship opportunity, showing her reaction and the class's response in more detail.
  • Consider further developing the subplot of Elle's evolving relationship with Emmett, as it could add depth to her character and provide a romantic interest.
  • Explore the potential consequences of Elle's decision to confront Donovan, as it could impact her reputation and future career prospects in the law field.



Scene 25 -  Elle's New Beginning: A Case of Innocence
82 INT. SAK'S - WOMENS' DEPT. - DAY 82 •*
Elle scans the racks of conservative clothes. She holds up a
cashmere twinset and wrinkles her nose, but throws it over
her arm anyway.
83 INT. NORDSTROM'S - HANDBAGS - DAY - LATER 83
Elle admires a trendy handbag, but then promptly sets it down
and picks up a practical leather briefcase.

84 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN - LOBBY - DAY 84
The elevator door opens and Warner and Elle emerge. Elle is
sporting her new, boring "lawyer" clothes. Warner is baffled
and impressed by her transformation.

WARNER
You look — nice.
ELLE
Thank you.

She gives him an aloof smile and walks off. Warner watches her
go. Sarah stands in the lobby. None too happy to witness this.

85 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN - DAY - MOMENTS LATER 85
Donovan strides through the office, his four interns behind
him. He points as he walks.

DONOVAN
There's your office, there's the
bathroom, there's the coffee machine.
There's Gerard, Dick and1Bobby.

GERARD, smarmy and trim, DICK, short and bald, and BOBBY,
black and bespectacled, wave as the interns pass by.

DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(continuing)
They're the other associates on the case.
Ask them all your stupid questions, save
the smart ones for me.
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 63.



86 INT. AUSTEN, JARET, PLATT AND DONOVAN - CONFERENCE ROOM 86

Professor Donovan opens his briefcase as Elle, Sarah, Enid
and Warner hang on his every word.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
We're defending Brooke Windham, whose
very wealthy husband was found shot to
death in their Beacon Hill mansion.
SARAH
Gold digger?
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
You'd think so, since the stiff was
sixty, but she was rich on her own. Some
kind of fitness empire. You can buy her
exercise tapes on infomercials.
Elle frowns.
ELLE
Wait a minute — are we talking about
Brooke Daniels?
Donovan checks his papers.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Maiden name—Daniels.
(looking up)
You know her?
ELLE
She was a Delta Gamma! Not in my pledge
class or anything — she graduated ,five
years ahead of me. But I used to take her
class at the LA Sports Club. She's
amazing!
The others looks at each other and roll their eyes.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Amazing how?

ELLE
She could make you drop three pounds in
one class. She's completely gifted!
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
Well, in all likelihood, she's completely
guilty as well. She was seen standing
over her husband's dead body.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) .64 .
86 CONTINUED: 86


WARNER
By who?
SARAH
(correcting him)
Whom?
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
His twenty-seven year old daughter and
the pool boy.

ELLE
Maybe she found him like that.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
That's the story she'll be telling the
jury. We just have to prove it.

Emmett walks in and sits.
EMMETT
Sorry I ' m late.
Elle looks at him, confused.
PROFESSOR DONOVAN
This is Emmett Kerrigan, another associate. *
Top three in his class and former editor of
Harvard Law Review. You've probably seen *
him lurking around campus doing my research.
EMMETT *
Or napping on the quad. . *
Elle smiles at him. He smiles back. Almost shy.

WARNER
(to Donovan)
What about the murder weapon?

PROFESSOR DONOVAN
The gun is missing. The coroner said
he'd been dead thirty minutes dead when
the cops arrived — giving Brooke plenty
of time to stash it.

ELLE
There's no way Brooke could've done this -
- exercise gives you endorphins,
endorphins make you happy — happy people
don't kill their husbands!
Sarah and Enid snort.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 65.
86 CONTINUED: (2) 86


PROFESSOR DONOVAN
You don't really believe she's innocent?

ELLE
Of course, I do!

Emmett looks at her.

EMMETT
Then we may actually have a case.

He looks over at Donovan, who's not so sure.
Genres: ["Comedy","Legal Drama"]

Summary In this serious-toned scene, Elle starts her new job at a law firm with a confident transformation, impressing her ex-boyfriend Warner. The group, including Donovan, Emmett, and other associates, discuss their case defending Brooke Windham, accused of murdering her husband. Elle's passionate defense of Brooke sparks a new perspective, leaving the group in anticipation as Emmett hints at having a case.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot development
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the legal case setup

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, humorous, and sets up important plot points for the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elle's transformation from a fashion-focused student to a serious law intern is well-executed and sets up future conflicts.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the murder case and Elle's involvement as an intern.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the legal drama genre by incorporating elements of comedy, fashion, and sorority culture. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Elle's unique personality shining through and creating interesting dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Elle undergoes a significant transformation in this scene, from a fashion-focused student to a determined law intern.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal in this scene is to prove her intelligence, capability, and belief in justice. She wants to show that she is more than just a pretty face and that she can contribute meaningfully to the legal case.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prepare for the legal case and gather information about the defendant. Elle wants to understand the case better and potentially find evidence that could prove the defendant's innocence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There are conflicts between characters' beliefs about the legal case and Elle's unconventional approach to the situation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, skepticism, and challenges for the protagonist to overcome. The uncertainty surrounding the legal case adds tension and suspense to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Elle takes on a challenging legal case and faces skepticism from her peers.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a major legal case and Elle's involvement in it.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between characters, the unexpected revelations about the case, and Elle's unconventional approach to the legal proceedings.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the belief in innocence and the legal system's presumption of guilt. Elle's optimism and belief in the defendant's innocence clash with the skepticism of her colleagues and the evidence against the defendant.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits emotions of humor, surprise, and determination.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty and engaging, showcasing the characters' personalities and setting up conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, witty dialogue, and intriguing setup for the legal case. The conflict and tension between characters keep the audience invested in the outcome of the case.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of exposition, character development, and dialogue. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and maintains a sense of momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and character actions are clear and concise, enhancing the reader's understanding.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a legal drama, with clear transitions between locations, character introductions, and exposition. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness and engagement.


Critique
  • The scene transition from Elle's celebration with Paulette to shopping for conservative clothes is a bit abrupt. Consider adding a line or two to show Elle's thought process or motivation for changing her style.
  • The dialogue in the scene is mostly expository, with characters explaining the case and their roles. While this is necessary, try to incorporate more natural and varied dialogue to make the scene more engaging.
  • The scene focuses on Elle's transformation and her new job, but the emotional payoff is not as strong as it could be. Consider adding a moment where Elle reflects on her growth or expresses excitement about her new opportunity.
Suggestions
  • Add a line or two to show Elle's motivation for changing her style, such as wanting to be taken more seriously in her new job.
  • Incorporate more natural and varied dialogue to make the scene more engaging. For example, have the characters discuss their personal experiences or opinions related to the case.
  • Include a moment where Elle expresses excitement about her new opportunity or reflects on her growth. This will help the audience connect with her character and invest in her journey.



Scene 26 -  Tense Jail Interview and Unexpected Connection
87 EXT. BOSTON JAIL - DAY . • ' . ' . 87

Grey and imposing.

88 INT. BOSTON JAIL - DAY 88

Donovan sits at a long table, next to BROOKE, a pretty 26-
.year-old blonde with a perfect body and a sad face. The
interns and associates sit at the far end of the table taking
notes. A cop stands guard at the door.

DONOVAN
What alibi?
' • . . '
BROOKE
I can't tell you.
' DONOVAN
You understand you're on trial for
murder ?

BROOKE
I didn't do it! I walked in, saw my
husband lying on the floor, bent down to
check his heart, screamed my head off and
Chutney and Enrique ran inside.

DONOVAN
Where they saw you standing over the body
covered in his blood.
She glares at him.
BROOKE
Why would I kill my husband?
DONOVAN
Insurance? A love affair? Pure
unadulterated hatred? Believe me, the DA
will come up with plenty of reasons.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 66.
88 CONTINUED: 8E


BROOKE
I l ov ed h im !
DONOVAN
He was thirty-four years older than you.
That doesn't sound so good to a jury.

Now she's pissed.
BROOKE
Then show them a picture of his cock.
They might put a few things together.

Everyone stiffens except for Ell.e, who laughs out loud.

DONOVAN , .
Brooke, I believe you. But a jury is
gonna want an alibi.

BROOKE
I can't give you that. And if you put me
on the stand, I'll lie.

Donovan takes a moment to look at her like she's an idiot.

DONOVAN
Were you with another man?

BROOKE
Go to hell.

DONOVAN
I'll take that as a no.

BROOKE
Are we done for today?

DONOVAN
I believe we are.
He stands. As do his minions. As they file out, Brooke sees
Elle.

BROOKE
Hey — I know you.

Elle perks up.

ELLE
I ' m a Delta Gamma and I ' m a huge fan of
yours!



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) .67.
88 CONTINUED: (2) 8£


BROOKE
You took my class in LA. You had the
best high kick I've ever seen. Are you
one of my lawyers?
ELLE
Sort of.
Brooke looks at Elle as if she's her savior.

BROOKE
Well, thank God one of you has a brain.
Genres: ["Legal Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In a tense scene at the Boston Jail, lawyer Donovan interviews his client Brooke, who is accused of murdering her husband. Donovan tries to get Brooke to reveal her alibi, but she refuses, getting defensive and angry. Amidst this tension, Donovan's intern Elle recognizes Brooke from a dance class they both attended in LA, providing a brief moment of levity. The scene ends with Brooke expressing gratitude towards Elle, indicating a potential connection between the two characters. The main conflict, Donovan's attempt to get Brooke to reveal her alibi, remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Engaging characters
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Blend of drama and comedy
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Slightly predictable plot twists

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively blends drama and comedy, keeping the audience engaged with the unfolding murder trial while injecting humor through Elle's interactions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a murder trial with a twist of humor and unique characters like Elle adds depth and intrigue to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as the murder trial begins, introducing key conflicts and character dynamics that will shape the story moving forward.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to a legal interrogation, blending tension with humor and exploring complex emotions and motives.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Elle and Brooke, are well-developed and engaging, each bringing their own quirks and motivations to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Elle undergoes a subtle transformation, from a seemingly out-of-place law student to a determined and resourceful individual ready to take on the challenges ahead.

Internal Goal: 8

Brooke's internal goal is to prove her innocence and maintain her dignity in the face of accusations and pressure from Donovan.

External Goal: 7

Brooke's external goal is to navigate the legal proceedings and avoid being convicted of murder.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Brooke's innocence and the evidence against her, as well as Elle's determination to prove her worth, creates a high level of tension in the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Donovan challenging Brooke's statements and motives, creating uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Brooke faces a murder trial, and Elle's reputation and future career prospects are on the line, adding urgency and tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the murder trial, setting up key conflicts, and showcasing Elle's evolving role in the legal world.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected humor and twists in the dialogue and character interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is evident in Donovan's questioning of Brooke's motives and actions, challenging her beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact is primarily driven by Brooke's predicament and Elle's determination, eliciting empathy and investment from the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and witty, reflecting the tension of the murder trial while also providing comedic relief through Elle's interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the intense interrogation, dark humor, and the dynamic between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and revealing information at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a legal drama, with a clear interrogation setting and dialogue-driven interactions.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a tense and confrontational tone, with Donovan pressing Brooke for her alibi and Brooke becoming defensive and angry. This creates a sense of urgency and importance, as the audience can feel the stakes of the trial.
  • Elle's character is established as confident and assertive, as she is the only one of Donovan's team who seems competent and is able to make Brooke feel at ease. This is a positive aspect of the scene, as it showcases Elle's strengths and abilities.
  • The dialogue in the scene is natural and believable, with Brooke and Donovan engaging in a back-and-forth exchange that reveals their personalities and motivations. The other characters, including Elle, contribute to the conversation in a way that feels organic and unforced.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements to the scene, such as Brooke's body language or the setting of the jail. This can help to create a more immersive and engaging experience for the reader.
  • Consider exploring the relationship between Brooke and Donovan in more depth, as their interactions reveal a lot about their personalities and motivations. This can help to add depth and complexity to the scene.
  • Consider adding more tension and conflict to the scene, such as by introducing a new character or a plot twist. This can help to keep the reader engaged and interested in the story.



Scene 27 -  Elle Teaches the 'Bend & Snap'
89 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - DAY 89 *

Rufus sleeps happily on the floor. Elle sits in front of . ' *
Paulette, nails in the soapy water.

ELLE
I feel so bad for her. I mean, she's in
jail! And she's innocent. But I ' m the
only one who believes her. Donovan
totally thinks she's guilty.

. PAULETTE
That's because men are big, fat retards
who don't — Oh, my God... *
ON THE DOOR

The UPS GUY stands in the doorway with a package, sun *
streaming in around him. *
UPS GUY
Afternoon, ladies.
ON ELLE AND PAULETTE *

PAULETTE *
It's him! *
Paulette smooths down her hair. *

ELLE ' *
It's who? *
She turns to look as we go to — *

BUTT-CAM — CLOSE ON the crisp brown shorts of a regulation *
UPS uniform, as they stretch across the taut, muscular *
buttocks of UPS GUY, as he strides through the shop. *

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 68.
89 CONTINUED: 89


When the butt stops moving, we WIDEN to reveal the UPS Guy *
now standing in front of Elle and Paulette. *

UPS GUY *
I've got a package. *
Elle turns to Paulette, eyes wide. *
ELLE *
(agreeing) *
He's got a package. • *
Paulette is frozen. Blushing and nervous. *

UPS GUY *
How ya doin' today? . *
PAULETTE . •*
Fine? *
He waits for her to sign. She remains frozen. Elle takes *
the pen and signs for her, trying to help. .*

UPS Guy smiles kindly at Paulette and heads out. *

UPS GUY .*
Take it easy. *•
Paulette watches him go, hand over her heart. Elle looks at *
her, concerned. , *

ELLE
So, this is the only interaction you two *
have ever had?

PAULETTE
No. Sometimes I say "Okay" instead of
"Fine".

ELLE
Have you ever considered asking him if
he'd like a cold beverage? Or perhaps a
neck massage?
• ' . ' • • . ' ' *

PAULETTE
What's the point?
(matter of factly)
Look at me.

ELLE
I am. And I'm looking at a beautiful,
fabulous, sexy woman.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) • . 6 9.
89 CONTINUED: (2) 89


Paulette snorts. *
PAULETTE *
Good one. *
ELLE *
Trust'me. You've got the equipment, you *
just need to read the manual. *
Elle stands. , *
ELLE (CONT'D) *
I ' m going to.show you a little maneuver
my mother taught me when I was in junior
high. In my experience, it has a 98%
success rate in getting a man's attention
and when used appropriately—an 83% *
rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The HAIRSTYLISTS and CLIENTS listen, intrigued. .*
ELLE (CONT'D) *
(continuing)
It's called the "Bend & Snap".
(acting)
"Oh, look! There's something on the
floor that I need to pick up!" Bend... *
She slowly BENDS down, as if to pick up something, sticking *
out her tush, knee cocked. She slids her hand down her *
cocked leg until her hand touches the floor and she SNAPS *
back up, boobs a'bouncing.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
And snap! Now you try.
Paulette stands up repeating the maneuver. *
PAULETTE
Bend...and snap!
It 's a spastic version of what Elle just did. *
ELLE
Good. Now this time, put a little arch in
your back and maybe get your footing more *
solid.
Paulette does it again. This time, getting it right. *



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 70.
89 CONTINUED: ( 3 ) 89


ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Perfect!
A HAIR CLIENT walks over, head full of curlers. *

HAIR CLIENT *
Like this? . *
She tries. *

ELLE *
Good. *
She adjusts her like a yoga instructor would. *

ELLE (CONT'D) *
But cock that knee. *
ANOTHER CLIENT calls over. *

ANOTHER CLIENT *
Am I doing it right? *
Elle walks over to her. *

ELLE *
More snap, less bend. *
She turns to the rest of the clients. *

ELLE (CONT'D) *
C'mon — everyone try! *
Clients hop up out of their chairs as someone reaches over *
and cranks the transistor radio, blaring "BRICK HOUSE" by the *
Commodores. *

All the clients and technicians, no matter what their age, or *
how many foils are in there hair, are up and doing the "Bend *
& Snap", repeating the mantra as they do.

Elle walks around them, continuing to adjust them. *

ELLE (CONT'D) *
Now everyone together. *
They all bend in unison — going down on "Brick" — *

EVERYONE
Bend —
And snapping back up — on "House" . *

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) . 7 1 .
89 CONTINUED: ( 4 ) 89


EVERYONE (CONT'D) *
(continuing)
And snap !

The frivolity continues as the roomful of ladies perfect the *
maneuver . . *
MAURICE, a male hair-dresser, comes out of the back room, *
mixing a bowl of bleach as he walks. He stops when he spots *
the activity. . *

MAURICE *
Oh, my God! The Bend & Snap! *
(to an old lady) *
Works every time... *
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance"]

Summary Rufus sleeps on the floor while Elle and Paulette discuss Brooke's situation. A UPS guy delivers a package, and Elle flirts with him to boost Paulette's confidence. Elle then teaches the 'Bend & Snap' maneuver to Paulette and the other clients in the beauty salon, ending with everyone practicing it together.
Strengths
  • Humor
  • Character dynamics
  • Empowerment theme
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, humorous, and showcases Elle's determination and empowerment. It also sets up a fun and light-hearted atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Elle teaching the 'Bend & Snap' maneuver is unique, entertaining, and adds depth to her character.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around Elle's interactions with Paulette and the introduction of the 'Bend & Snap' maneuver, adding humor and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique and humorous way for Elle to boost Paulette's confidence, using the 'Bend & Snap' maneuver. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and fresh.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Elle and Paulette's dynamic is entertaining and showcases their personalities. Elle's determination and empowerment shine through.

Character Changes: 7

Elle's character shows growth and determination as she teaches the 'Bend & Snap' and interacts with Paulette.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to boost Paulette's confidence and help her feel better about herself. This reflects Elle's caring nature and desire to empower others.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to teach Paulette the 'Bend & Snap' maneuver. This reflects Elle's determination to help her friend and improve her dating life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

There is a low level of conflict in the scene, mostly revolving around Elle's determination to prove herself and the humorous interactions with Paulette.

Opposition: 5

The opposition in this scene is minimal, as Elle's goal is met without significant obstacles. The focus is more on humor and character dynamics.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on humor and character development.

Story Forward: 6

The scene moves the story forward by showcasing Elle's empowerment and determination, setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in its outcome, as Elle's goal is clear from the start. However, the humor and character dynamics add an element of surprise.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Elle's optimistic and empowering worldview and Paulette's self-deprecating attitude. Elle believes in the power of confidence and self-assurance, while Paulette doubts her own worth.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of humor, empowerment, and camaraderie between Elle and Paulette.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and adds to the light-hearted tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its humor, character interactions, and the fun 'Bend & Snap' activity. It keeps the audience entertained and invested in the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions. It keeps the scene moving and maintains the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, starting with Elle's goal to help Paulette, teaching her the maneuver, and ending with a fun group activity. It fits the genre of a comedy.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with a clear shift in tone from the previous serious scene, providing a nice contrast and relief. However, the transition from the previous scene could be smoother to avoid jarring the reader.
  • The UPS Guy character is a bit one-dimensional and could benefit from more development to avoid being a mere prop for the Bend & Snap maneuver.
  • The Bend & Snap maneuver, while entertaining, feels a bit out of place and could be better integrated into the overall story. Consider tying it more closely to Elle's character development or the main plot.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief line or two at the beginning of the scene to help transition from the previous scene, such as Elle expressing her determination to help Brooke despite the challenges.
  • Develop the UPS Guy character further by giving him a name, a bit more dialogue, or a personality trait that makes him more memorable and human.
  • Think about how the Bend & Snap maneuver could be used to further Elle's character growth or to help her gain confidence in her legal career. This could make the scene feel more connected to the overall story and give it more weight.



Scene 28 -  Differing Accounts and a Jailhouse Visit
90 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN-CONFERENCE ROOM-DAY 90

CHUTNEY, 27, curly-haired and bitter, sits in front of *
Donovan, the FEMALE DA, the associates, the interns and a
court .reporter, as she's interviewed.

CHUTNEY
I got out of the shower," walked
downstairs, saw her standing over my
father, and called the police.

DONOVAN
Did she have a weapon in her hand?

CHUTNEY
No.

DONOVAN
Was there any reason for you to believe
she had discarded a weapon?
CHUTNEY
Uh, yeah, because the bitch shot him.

DONOVAN
Was there any evidence that Mrs . Windham
shot him?

CHUTNEY
(duh)
His dead body with a bullet in it. .

91 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN-CONFERENCE ROOM-LATER 91

ENRIQUE, 25, Latino and hunky as hell, sits in the seat that
Chutney has vacated.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 72.
91 aONTINUED: 91


DONOVAN
What did you see when you entered the
house?
ENRIQUE
I saw Mrs. Windham standing over the body
of Mr. Windham.
DONOVAN
Was she carrying a weapon?

• ENRIQUE
No, she was crying her eyes out.

Donovan smiles.
DONOVAN
So she was distraught that her husband
was dead?

ENRIQUE
Oh, yes. Mrs. Windham is the most sweet,
wonderful woman I know. I have loved her
since the day she hired me. She could
never do something this awful. I know
this because we are very close.

The others shift uncomfortably, then look at each other. Then.,
back at Enrique and his shiny, unbuttoned-to-show-his-pecs
shirt. The DA smiles.

92 INT. STEAKHOUSE - NIGHT .9.2

Donovan, the interns, and associates sit at a large table.

GERARD
She's screwing the pool boy.

Elle gasps and makes a face.

ELLE
There is no way a Delta Gamma would sleep
with a man in a shiny shirt. Warner,
back me up here.

Warner shrugs, embarrassed. Sarah looks at Donovan.

SARAH
I hate to agree ~ but I don't see the
two of them actually —
(wrinkling her nose)
— doing it.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 73.
92 CONTINUED: 92


ENID
Women like that will screw anything.
ELLE
So, because she's beautiful and has a good *
body, she's easy? What book of feminist *
theory did you read iiiai in, Enid? *
Emmett jumps in before war breaks out. *
EMMETT
Okay, if Brooke didn't kill the guy, who did?
ELLE
My money's on the angry daughter or the
ex-wife.
DONOVAN
Chutney has a trust fund. She didn't
need the insurance payoff or the
inheritance.
BOBBY
What about her mother?
DONOVAN
Covered. She was in Aspen at the time.
Ten people saw her downing cosmopolitans
at the Caribou Club.
ELLE
All I know is— it's not Brooke.
DONOVAN
That's touching, Elle, but we need an
alibi.
Elle thinks about this.

93 INT. BOSTON JAIL - LOBBY - DAY ' 93 *

A—nervous Elle stands in front of the burly CHECK-IN GUARD..
She holds a basket of goodies.
ELLE
I ' m here to see Brooke Wi'ndham.
GUARD
Licensed attorney or family member?
ELLE
Uh — family.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 74.
93 CONTINUED: 93


GUARD
Relation?

ELLE
I ' m her sister.

GUARD
Name?

ELLE
Delta. Gamma.

He makes a note and buzzes her in. '

94 INT. BOSTON JAIL - DAY 94

Elle sits at a conference table with her basket. A door
opens and a female guard brings Brooke into the room. Wearing
a horribly tacky orange jumpsuit.
ELLE
Are you okay? You look so sad...and so
. orange.
BROOKE
I ' m glad it's you and not Donovan.
. ELLE
He means well. He's really brilliant and
all.
Brooke sits, not looking convinced.
BROOKE
He better be, for what I ' m paying him.
Elle pushes her basket forward.
ELLE
I brought you some necessities. Pink
sheets. Aromatherapy candles. Loofah.
And The Bible.
She holds up a "Cosmopolitan".
BROOKE
You're an angel.
Elle squirms in her seat.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 75.
94 CONTINUED: 94


ELLE
But I have to tell you the real reason
I ' m here. Professor Donovan says we
really, really need your alibi.

Brooke tears up.

BROOKE
Elle, I can't. You don't understand.

ELLE
Who could better understand than me?

Brooke dabs her eyes with a corner of the pink Ralph Lauren
sheets.

BROOKE
It's so shameful...

ELLE
Whatever it is — it could save you.
BROOKE
That's just it — it would ruin me!
ELLE
How?

Brooke composes herself. Takes a deep breath. Looks at Elle.
BROOKE
I have made my fortune on my ability to
teach women how to perfect their bodies
with the Brooke's Butt Buster workout.
ELLE
I know! You helped me go from a six to a
four!
Brooke starts to cry again.
BROOKE
On the day of Heyworth's murder, I was —
She snorts back a sob.
BROOKE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
— getting liposuction.
Elle gasps.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 76.
94 CONTINUED: (2) 94


ELLE
No!

BROOKE
(completely shamed)
I ' m a fraud! But it's not like normal
people can have this ass! If my fans
knew, I ' d lose everything. I've already
lost my husband. I rather be in jail
then lose my reputation!

Elle hugs her to her chest, consoling her.

ELLE
Your secret is safe with me.
Genres: ["Comedy","Legal Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Chutney, the victim's daughter, gives a conflicting account of the defendant's actions at the time of the murder compared to an intern named Enrique. The group discusses the case, and the main character, Elle, decides to visit the defendant, Brooke Windham, in jail to get her alibi. The scene ends with Elle visiting Brooke in jail, where she reveals she was getting liposuction on the day of the murder.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Slightly predictable plot twists

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively balances humor, drama, and character development, keeping the audience engaged and emotionally invested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering Brooke's alibi while dealing with personal secrets and challenges is intriguing and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as Elle learns about Brooke's secret and tries to help her, adding depth to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and unexpected twists to the murder mystery genre, with characters who defy stereotypes and engage in unexpected actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Elle and Brooke, are well-developed and their interactions drive the emotional core of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Elle and Brooke undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, deepening their character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

Chutney's internal goal is to protect her reputation and maintain her facade of innocence. This reflects her fear of losing her status and the consequences of her actions being exposed.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to prove her innocence in the murder case. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing and the need to clear her name.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from Brooke's reluctance to reveal her alibi and the tension between characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, hidden motives, and obstacles that challenge the protagonist's goals and beliefs.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as Brooke's reputation and freedom are on the line, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Brooke's alibi and deepening the relationships between characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations, twists, and character motivations that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of deception, appearance vs reality, and the consequences of maintaining a false image. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about identity and the importance of reputation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact is significant, especially with Brooke's confession of her secret and Elle's supportive reaction.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, intriguing plot developments, and complex character interactions that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing information at a steady pace, and maintaining the audience's interest throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a coherent progression of events.


Critique
  • The scene starts off strong with Elle using her charm to get into the prison to see Brooke.
  • The dialogue between Elle and Brooke is well-written and believable, and it effectively conveys Brooke's desperation and Elle's determination to help her.
  • However, the scene loses some of its momentum when Brooke reveals her alibi. The revelation that she was getting liposuction on the day of her husband's murder is a bit too far-fetched and unbelievable.
  • Additionally, the scene ends rather abruptly, with Elle simply hugging Brooke and comforting her. This leaves the reader feeling a bit unsatisfied and without a clear sense of what will happen next.
Suggestions
  • Consider toning down the absurdity of Brooke's alibi. Perhaps she could have been involved in a less scandalous activity, such as a business meeting or a doctor's appointment.
  • Add more tension to the scene by having Elle face some obstacles in her attempt to get into the prison. For example, she could be forced to wait for hours or be interrogated by a suspicious guard.
  • Give the scene a more satisfying ending by having Elle and Brooke discuss their next steps. For example, they could talk about how they will prepare for Brooke's trial or how they will keep Brooke's secret safe.



Scene 29 -  Donovan's Frustration: The Unrevealed Alibi
95 INT. AUSTEN, PLATT, JARET & DONOVAN - LIBRARY - DAY 95

The associates and interns sit at a table piled high with
research, as Donovan goes over his notes.

DONOVAN
.. We've got two interviews tomorrow that
Dick and Bobby are gonna handle, and the
ex-wife in an hour.
He looks up.

DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Sarah, can you grab me some coffee?

Sarah rises, and fetches the coffee from the side table.

DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(continuing)
And according to this communique from the
prison, our client apparently had a visit
from her sister? A Miss Delta Gamma —
He looks at Elle.

DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Anyone you know?

Elle looks up, caught. The others looks at her.

ELLE
I went to get her alibi.

Emmett looks over, surprised.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 77,
95 CONTINUED: 95


DONOVAN
Did you get it?

ELLE
Yes. But I can't tell you what it is.

The others can't believe this.
DONOVAN
Why the hell not?
' ELLE
I promised her I ' d keep it secret. I
can't break the bonds of sisterhood!

Now he's pissed.
DONOVAN
Fuck sisterhood. This is a murder trial,
not some scandal at the sorority house.
I want the alibi.

Sarah sets Donovan's coffee down. Watching to see what Elle
will do.

ELLE
I can't give it to you. All I can tell
you is that she's innocent.

An ASSISTANT pokes her head in the room.

ASSISTANT
Mr. Donovan? Mrs. Windham Vandermark is
on line two.

Donovan rises, still annoyed.

DONOVAN
Someone reason with her while I take
this.

He walks out. The others look at Elle.

BOBBY
Are you crazy? Tell him the alibi.

ELLE
, No!

DICK
We're gonna lose the case if you don't.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 78.
95 CONTINUED: (2) 95


ELLE
Then we're not very good lawyers.

Emmett hides a smile. Warner leans over to Elle. Sarah is
nearby, listening. •
WARNER
(quietly)
If you tell him, you'll probably make
summer associate. Who cares.about Brooke?
Think about yourself.

ELLE
I gave her my word, Warner.

Sarah watches — seeing both Warner and Elle in a different
light.

Donovan storms back in.

DONOVAN
The ex-wife seems to be unconcerned with
the fact that her interview is today.
She's at a spa in the Berkshires. *

GERARD
A spa?
(to Elle)
Isn't that like, your Mother-Ship?
Elle shrugs and looks at Donovan.

ELLE .
I can go if you want.
ENID
Why you?

GERARD
(to Enid)
Have you ever been to a spa?

ENID
And subscribe to the doctrine of self-
hatred imposed upon my gender by male *
delusions of the way women are supposed
to look? *
(beat) .*
Twice. *

Donovan motions toward Elle. Then looks at Emmett with a *
pointed "Get the alibi" look.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 79.
95 CONTINUED: (3) 95


DONOVAN
Go with her.
Genres: ["Legal Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In the library, Donovan assigns interviews and inquires about a prison communique. The main conflict arises when Elle refuses to disclose a promised alibi, causing tension with Donovan and the associates. Despite their attempts to persuade her, Elle remains firm. The scene ends with Donovan sending Elle to the spa to get the alibi from the ex-wife, while the tension remains unresolved.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Complex character motivations
  • Effective plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity on the legal aspects for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively balances humor with serious themes, introduces a moral dilemma, and advances the plot significantly.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of loyalty to a friend conflicting with the pursuit of justice is compelling and adds depth to the legal drama genre.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as Elle's decision to keep the alibi secret creates tension and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the legal drama genre by focusing on the ethical dilemmas faced by the protagonist, rather than just the legal proceedings. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and relatable, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their conflicting motivations add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Elle's decision to keep the alibi secret showcases her loyalty and determination, setting up potential character growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to uphold her values of loyalty and sisterhood, even at the risk of losing the case. This reflects her deeper need for integrity and authenticity in her relationships.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to win the murder trial by obtaining the alibi from her sister. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in proving her client's innocence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Elle's loyalty to her friend and the demands of the murder trial creates high stakes and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elle facing pressure from her colleagues to reveal the alibi, creating a compelling conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of a murder trial, combined with Elle's personal dilemma, raise the tension and importance of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a key conflict, advancing the murder trial plot, and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of Elle's unexpected decision to prioritize sisterhood over winning the case, adding a layer of complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty to family and professional duty. Elle's adherence to sisterhood values clashes with the legal team's focus on winning the case at all costs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits conflicting emotions from the audience, as they empathize with Elle's dilemma while also feeling the tension of the murder trial.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' personalities and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in the characters' choices.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy legal drama, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear purpose and direction. It is unclear what the stakes are for Elle and the other characters, and what they are trying to achieve.
  • The dialogue is unnatural and expository. The characters tell each other things that they should already know, and the information is presented in a way that is not engaging or believable.
  • The characters are one-dimensional and lack depth. They do not have clear motivations or goals, and their actions are not driven by any internal conflict.
  • The scene is too long and drawn out. There is too much exposition and not enough action or conflict.
  • The ending of the scene is abrupt and unsatisfying. It does not provide any resolution to the conflict, and it leaves the reader feeling confused and unsatisfied.
Suggestions
  • Start by identifying the stakes for Elle and the other characters. What do they want? What are they afraid of? What are the consequences of their actions?
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more natural and believable. Avoid using exposition to tell the audience information that they should already know. Instead, use the dialogue to reveal the characters' motivations and goals.
  • Develop the characters more fully. Give them clear motivations and goals, and show how their internal conflicts drive their actions.
  • Cut down on the exposition and focus on the action and conflict. Keep the scene moving forward, and don't let it get bogged down in unnecessary details.
  • Revise the ending of the scene to provide a resolution to the conflict, and leave the reader feeling satisfied.



Scene 30 -  Pilates, Mud Treatments, and a Surprising Revelation
96 INT. EMMETT'S VOLVO - DAY 96

Emmett drives, Elle is shotgun.
ELLE
Explain to me why you're so anti- Brooke.

EMMETT
Uh, for starters, she won'-t give us an
alibi —
ELLE
Aside from that.

EMMETT
She's completely untrustworthy.

ELLE
Why?

EMMETT
She married an old man, she's made a
living on telling women they're too fat,
she hawks her crap on the Home Shopping
Network...
ELLE
A) He's an old man with a really big
penis. B) She never told me I was fat.
And C) Victoria Principal sells on that
network.
EMMETT
And D) Brooke is obviously hiding
something.
ELLE
But maybe it's not what you think.
EMMETT
But maybe it is— .

They're quiet for a moment. She looks at him.

ELLE
You're kind of being a butt-head right
now.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 80.
96 CONTINUED: 96


EMMETT
(amused)
How do you figure?

ELLE
Because people aren't always what they
seem to be and you refuse to see that.
Have a little faith. You might be
surprised.
They're quiet again while he thinks about this. He looks
over at her.
EMMETT
I can't believe you called me a butt-
head. No one's called me a butt-head
since ninth grade.

ELLE
Maybe not to your face...

She gives him a teasing smile. He smiles back at her,
shaking his head.

97 INT. SPA - LOBBY - DAY 97

Elle and Emmett are at the desk.

ELLE
We have two o'clock massages. Kerrigan
and Woods.
DESK CLERK
Go on back. .

Elle starts to go, then stops.

ELLE
Oh, and my friend Katherine Windham
Vandermark is here somewhere and I ' m
supposed to meet her. for a Pilates class.
Do you have her schedule?

DESK CLERK
(checking)
She's in the mud room until four.

Elle smiles her thanks and walks off with Emmett.

EMMETT
Damn. We can't see her for an hour?



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 81.
97 CONTINUED: 97


ELLE
No, she can't move for an hour.
She grabs his arm and pulls him down the hall.

98 INT. SPA - MUD ROOM - DAY 98 *

MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK, late 40s, brunette, East Coast hoity- *
toity — lies on a table like a corpse, stiff with mud, *
cucumbers over her eyes. Elle and Emmett poke their heads in.
ELLE
Mrs. Windham Vandermark?
EMMETT
We're here from Austen, Platt, Jaret &
Donovan --
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
So, you found me.

Emmett looks at Elle.
EMMETT
(sotto)
She's naked.
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
I ' m covered in very expensive Egyptian
mud ••— hardly naked.
ELLE
(to Emmett)
I'll cover her — parts.
Elle settles on three washcloths, strategically placed.
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
So, I hear the tart from California shot - *
Heyworth. *
EMMETT
Well, that's what we're trying to prove
didn't happen. Do you have any reason to
believe it did?
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
I never met the woman, but from what my
daughter tells me, she's quite the cun—
ELLE
(interrupting her)
She's not!

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 82.
98 CONTINUED: 98


EMMETT
Did your daughter ever say anything to
you about Brooke and Heyworth's
relationship?
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
Aside from the fact that he found her on *
an infomercial? She said they humped like *
gorillas . Chutney could hear them all
the way in the pool house.

EMMETT
I ' m sure that was very awkward for
Chutney.
(sotto)
Much as it is for me, hearing you tell
about it.
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
But I guess it wasn't enough for Brooke.
EMMETT
Why do you say that?
MRS . WINDHAM VANDERMARK
Haven't you seen the cabana boy?

ELLE
(uneasy)
Yes. ...

MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
Like I said, I've never met Brooke, but I
have seen her from a distance. When I ' d
come over to pick up the alimony check
that Heyworth forgot to mail every month,
she'd be out by the pool, with Mr. Hot
Pants hovering over her with some pink
drink.

EMMETT
Hovering?

MRS . WINDHAM VANDERMARK
I didn't stick around long enough to
watch him stick his swizzle stick in her
mouth, but I ' d bet my next check that
that ' s where he was about to put it .
Genres: ["Comedy","Legal Drama"]

Summary Emmett and Elle drive to a spa to meet Katherine Windham Vandermark for a Pilates class. During the car ride, they discuss Emmett's dislike for Brooke, with Elle defending her. At the spa, they find Katherine covered in mud for a treatment and discuss the case. Katherine reveals that Brooke was having an affair with Heyworth, shocking Emmett and Elle. This revelation adds a new layer to the case and causes tension between Emmett and Elle, as Emmett had previously defended Brooke's character. The scene ends with Katherine's revelation, leaving the audience eager to find out how this new information will impact the case.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Engaging banter
  • Unique setting
Weaknesses
  • Mild conflict
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, humorous, and provides important information for the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of discussing the case in a spa setting adds a unique and entertaining element to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses as new information about the case is revealed and Elle and Emmett continue to investigate.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on investigative conversations, blending humor with suspense and character development. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging, with unique character dynamics.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Elle and Emmett's dynamic and humor shine in this scene, and Mrs. Windham Vandermark adds depth to the story.

Character Changes: 5

Elle and Emmett's relationship evolves slightly as they continue to work together on the case.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to challenge Emmett's preconceived notions and encourage him to see beyond surface appearances. She wants him to have faith in people and not judge them based on stereotypes.

External Goal: 7

The external goal is to gather information about the alibi and potential motives of the suspects in the case they are investigating.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict regarding Brooke's trustworthiness and the investigation into her alibi.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from conflicting perspectives and hidden motives, creating tension and uncertainty about the characters' true intentions.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised as new details about the case are uncovered, impacting the defense strategy.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial information and advancing the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its character revelations and shifting dynamics, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' true intentions and motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around judging people based on appearances and stereotypes versus having faith in their true intentions. Emmett's skepticism clashes with Elle's optimism and belief in the good in people.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The humor and banter create a light-hearted emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 10

The witty and sarcastic dialogue between characters drives the scene and keeps the audience entertained.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its witty dialogue, character dynamics, and thematic depth. The humor and suspense keep the audience invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The scene's pacing is effective in balancing dialogue, action, and character development, maintaining a steady rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a standard format for character-driven dialogue scenes, with clear transitions and pacing that maintain audience engagement.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear stakes and goals. The characters seem to be wandering around the spa without a clear purpose.
  • The dialogue is often stiff and unnatural. It doesn't sound like the way people talk in real life.
  • The scene is too long and could be cut down to make it more focused and engaging.
Suggestions
  • Give the characters a clear goal for the scene, such as finding information about Brooke Windham Vandermark.
  • Rework the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational.
  • Cut down the scene to make it more focused and engaging.



Scene 31 -  Elle's Blonde Legal Defense Fund
99 INT. EMMETT 'S VOLVO - DAY 99

Emmett drives, raving.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 83.
99 CONTINUED: 99


EMMETT
How can you still believe she's innocent?

ELLE
You're going to trust the word of a woman
who named her child after a condiment?
She's ly-ing.
EMMETT
And you know this for a fact?

' ELLE
Did you see the icky black color of her
hair?
EMMETT
So?
ELLE
I never trust a woman who's not blonde.
Except for my friend Serena, but that's
only because she's a blonde at heart.
That's the whole reason I ' m starting the
Blonde Legal Defense Fund.
He looks at her and laughs.
EMMETT
The what?

ELLE
Blondes are discriminated against
worldwide! Brooke's a blonde, and people
are saying she's sleeping with the cheesy
pool boy and shooting her husband. If
she was a mousy brunette, it would be,
"Oh, the poor widow."
EMMETT
You're serious?
She's fired up now.

ELLE
You should see the way I ' m treated in
class! I'm a complete source of mockery.
This is why the Blonde Legal Defense Fund
is needed.
He goes along with it, won over by her enthusiasm.
EMMETT
Okay, how would it work?

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 84.
99 CONTINUED: (2) 99


ELLE
It would be a full-service law firm, by
and for blondes, providing positive
blonde role models and community outreach
in high blonde areas. I mean, think
about it — name one blonde intellectual
role model.
EMMETT
— I can't.
ELLE
That is a direct result of anti- blonde
discrimination!
EMMETT
Wait — Hilary Clinton.
ELLE
If she were a true blonde, she would've
left the cheating bastard. Blondes don't
let their husbands get fellated by
brunettes and live to tell about it.
Emmett frowns.
EMM ETT
. In that case, maybe Heyworth got -—
fellated —by a brunette and Brooke
caught him.
ELLE
Exactly how much gorilla sex do you think
a sixty-year-old man can take? •.
EMMETT
That's not really a topic that keeps me
up at night — but maybe it should.
Elle digs in her purse.
ELLE
Speaking of that •— I bought you some
seaweed cream while we were at the spa.
She hands it to him. He keeps his hands on the wheel, not
taking it.
EMMETT
What the hell is that for?




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 85.
99 CONTINUED: (3) 99


ELLE
The bags under your eyes. You're an
attractive man, but you need to take
better care of yourself.
EMMETT
I don't --
(gesturing to the cream)
Do that stuff.
ELLE
Well, you should —. I f you look good, you • *
feel good and if you feel good, you *
project joy into the world. *

EMMETT *
Projecting joy is not my job.
ELLE
. (sighing)
Fine. Sorry I brought it up.

She puts the cream back in her purse. They ride in silence
for a moment. Then —
EMMETT
You really think I ' m attractive?

ELLE
For a butt-head? Yes.

She smiles at him. .
Genres: ["Comedy","Legal Drama"]

Summary Emmett drives while Elle rants about her suspicion of Brooke's innocence and her idea for a Blonde Legal Defense Fund to combat blonde discrimination. Emmett is initially skeptical, but Elle's enthusiasm wins him over. Elle also offers Emmett seaweed cream for his eye bags, which he initially declines. The scene ends with Emmett asking Elle if she really thinks he's attractive, and Elle responding with a backhanded compliment.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Unique concept of the Blonde Legal Defense Fund
  • Character-driven humor
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, funny, and sets up an interesting concept with the Blonde Legal Defense Fund. The dialogue is witty and entertaining, keeping the audience entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the Blonde Legal Defense Fund is unique and adds a comedic element to the scene. It also addresses stereotypes and discrimination in a humorous way.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Elle and Emmett discuss the case and the creation of the Blonde Legal Defense Fund. It sets up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on societal stereotypes and discrimination, offering a unique take on gender roles and appearance.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Elle and Emmett's characters shine in this scene with their witty banter and unique personalities. They drive the scene forward and keep the audience engaged.

Character Changes: 6

Elle's determination to create the Blonde Legal Defense Fund shows a change in her character, highlighting her commitment to fighting stereotypes.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to defend and empower blondes against discrimination and stereotypes, reflecting her desire for acceptance and recognition.

External Goal: 6

The external goal is to discuss the case of Brooke and challenge societal perceptions of blondes and brunettes.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is a mild conflict between Elle and Emmett's differing opinions on the case, but it is mostly lighthearted and adds to the humor of the scene.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle, focusing more on character dynamics and social conflicts rather than external obstacles.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on humor and character development rather than intense drama.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the concept of the Blonde Legal Defense Fund and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its humor and character interactions, adding depth and surprise to the dialogue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around societal stereotypes and discrimination based on physical appearance, challenging the characters' beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 5

The scene is more focused on humor and wit rather than emotional depth. However, Elle's passion for defending blondes adds a touch of emotion.

Dialogue: 10

The dialogue is the highlight of the scene, filled with humor, sarcasm, and clever remarks. It showcases the personalities of Elle and Emmett effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its witty dialogue, character dynamics, and social commentary, keeping the audience interested and entertained.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, allowing for character development, humor, and social commentary to unfold effectively.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the scene.

Structure: 7

The scene follows a typical dialogue-driven structure for a character-driven screenplay, focusing on interactions and character development.


Critique
  • The scene's dialogue is witty and engaging, which helps to maintain the overall comedic tone of the script.
  • The characters of Elle and Emmett are well-established in this scene, with Elle's determination and enthusiasm contrasting nicely with Emmett's skepticism.
  • The concept of the Blonde Legal Defense Fund is an interesting way to address the issue of blonde stereotypes and discrimination, adding depth to Elle's character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements to the scene to help break up the dialogue and provide visual interest.
  • To further emphasize the contrast between Elle and Emmett, try incorporating more non-verbal communication, such as gestures or facial expressions.
  • Consider developing the Blonde Legal Defense Fund idea further, as it has the potential to become a significant aspect of the story and Elle's character arc.



Scene 32 -  Elle Helps Dorky David Win Over a Freshman Girl
100 EXT. HARVARD CAMPUS - NIGHT 100 *

Elle walks down the sidewalk to her dorm, approaching Dorky *
David as he tries to ask out a FRESHMAN GIRL who thinks she's
a lot cuter than she actually is. She stands with her *
freshman friends. *
- DORKY DAVID
So — I called your room last night. *
FRESHMAN GIRL
(cold) ' *
I heard. .*
DORKY DAVID *
I was thinking maybe we could go out *
sometime. *



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 86.
100 CONTINUED: 100


FRESHMAN GIRL *
Uh, n o . . . you're a dork. *
turns back to her FRIENDS who all laugh at him. Elle *
winces as she passes. *
DORKY DAVID
(hopeful)
I ' m in law school —

The Freshman Girl turns back to him. *

FRESHMAN GIRL
Look — I ' m not going out with you. I *
can't believe you'd even ask. Girls like *
me don't go out with losers like you. *

Her friends snicker. Elle stops at this and sighs, *
acknowledging to herself that she has to help this guy. She *
turns and marches back, SLAPPING Dorky David across the face. *
Dorky David is stunned, as is the Freshman Girl. *

ELLE *
(upset)
Why didn't you call me?

DORKY DAVID
What?

ELLE
We spend a beautiful night together and
then I never hear from you again?

DORKY DAVID
I — uh —

Elle signals with her eyes for him to go along with it.

DORKY DAVID (CONT'D)
(continuing)
I'm sorry?

ELLE
For what? Breaking my heart or ruining sex for me *
with any other man? *

DORKY DAVID
Uh — both?

ELLE
Forget it. I've already spent too many
hours crying over you.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 87.
100 CONTINUED: ( 2 ) 100


She rushes off. Dorky David and the Freshman Girl and her *
friends watch Elle go. After a moment, the girl turns to David.
FRESHMAN GIRL
So, urn, when did you wanna go out?
ANOTHER GIRL *
I ' m free on Friday. *
Walking away, Elle hears this and smiles.
Genres: ["Comedy","Romance","Drama"]

Summary In this light-hearted and humorous scene, Elle walks to her dorm on the Harvard campus at night and sees Dorky David being rejected by a Freshman Girl. To help him out, Elle pretends they had a date and slaps David, implying he stood her up. The Freshman Girl is impressed by David's 'confidence' and asks him out. Elle overhears this and smiles, resolving the conflict and ending the scene on a positive note.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some cliched character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, humorous, and emotionally resonant, with strong character development and a significant turning point for Elle.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Elle intervening to help Dorky David adds depth to her character and sets up a key moment of growth for her.

Plot: 9

The plot advances as Elle confronts Dorky David, leading to a pivotal moment in her journey and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar romantic conflict but adds a twist by having the protagonist confront the love interest in a public setting. The dialogue feels authentic and captures the emotional turmoil of the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 10

The characters are well-developed, with Elle's empathy and assertiveness shining through, and Dorky David's vulnerability adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Elle undergoes a significant change as she stands up for Dorky David, showing her growth and strength of character.

Internal Goal: 8

{"What is the protagonist's internal goal in this scene? How does it reflect their deeper needs, fears, or desires?":"The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to confront Dorky David about his behavior and express her hurt feelings. It reflects her need for closure, her fear of being hurt again, and her desire for honesty and respect in relationships."}

External Goal: 7

{"What is the protagonist's external goal in this scene? How does it reflect the immediate circumstances or challenges they're facing?":"The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to stand up for herself and confront Dorky David in front of the Freshman Girl. It reflects the challenge of asserting her worth and demanding respect from others."}


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between Elle and Dorky David, as well as the societal expectations and stereotypes they face, adds tension and emotional depth to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Freshman Girl's rejection of Dorky David and the protagonist's confrontation adding layers of conflict and tension. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 6

While the stakes are not extremely high in this scene, the emotional impact and character development make it compelling.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening Elle's character arc and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's unexpected confrontation with Dorky David and the Freshman Girl's reaction. The audience is kept on their toes by the shifting dynamics between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

{"Is there a philosophical conflict (two competing value systems) evident in this scene? If so, describe it. How does it challenge or relate to the protagonist's beliefs, values, or worldview?":"The philosophical conflict in this scene is between superficial judgment based on social status and genuine emotional connection. The Freshman Girl represents shallow values of popularity and appearance, while the protagonist values honesty and emotional intimacy. This challenges the protagonist's belief in the importance of genuine relationships over superficial ones."}


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to empathy, making it impactful and memorable.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, emotional, and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' personalities and driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the conflict between the characters, the emotional stakes, and the unexpected turn of events. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's journey and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and emotional beats. The rhythm builds tension and keeps the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The action lines are concise and descriptive.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a romantic confrontation, with escalating tension, emotional outbursts, and a resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • This is a successful scene that is funny and has a satisfying resolution. However, there are a few things that could be improved.
Suggestions
  • It would be helpful to establish the relationship between Elle and Dorky David more clearly. Are they friends? Acquaintances? Strangers? This would help the reader understand why Elle feels compelled to help him.
  • The dialogue could be more natural. The characters' lines are a bit too formal and stilted.
  • The scene could be shortened slightly by cutting some of the dialogue.



Scene 33 -  Revelation of an Affair in the Courtroom
101 EXT. COURTHOUSE - DAY 101
People ascend the wide courthouse steps.
BAILIFF (O.S.)
The first district court is now in session.
The honorable Judge William R. Ptak presiding.
102 INT. COURTROOM - DAY .102
The DA grills Mrs. Windham Vandermark.
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
And what was the defendant doing?
MRS. WINDHAM VANDERMARK
Sitting next to the pool topless, while
the Latin boy handed her a drink.
CUT TO:
103 INT. COURTROOM - DAY 103
DA Rafferty continues her grilling.
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
And where was she exactly?
This time — Chutney is on the stand.
CHUTNEY
Standing over my father's dead body.
CUT TO:
104 INT. COURTROOM - DAY 104
CLOSE ON a tiny Speedo thong . *
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY (O.S.)
Mr. Salvatore, can you tell us what this *
is? *
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 88.
104 CONTINUED: 104


We PULL BACK to reveal that the DA is holding it up as she *
questions Enrique. *

ENRIQUE
My uniform.
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
This is the uniform that Mrs. Windham
asked you to wear while cleaning her
pool?
ENRIQUE
Yes.
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
And are you or are you not, having an
affair with Brooke Windham?

Enrique shifts in his seat.

ENRIQUE
Define affair.
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
Have you inserted your genitalia into
hers?
DONOVAN
Objection —

DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
(to Enrique)
Have you and Mrs. Windham had sexual
relations?

ENRIQUE
Yes! Okay? Yes!
The courtroom gasps. Elle looks over at Brooke, who's
shaking her head, outraged.
Genres: ["Legal Drama","Comedy"]

Summary The scene takes place in a courthouse during the day, where a trial is in session with Judge William R. Ptak presiding. DA Joyce Rafferty interrogates witnesses, including Mrs. Windham Vandermark, Chutney, and Enrique, revealing key information about the case. The main conflict arises when DA Rafferty questions Enrique about his affair with the defendant, Brooke Windham, which he initially denies but eventually admits. This revelation shocks the courtroom and outrages Brooke Windham. The scene ends with Enrique admitting to his affair, causing a gasp in the courtroom.
Strengths
  • Engaging mix of drama and comedy
  • Revealing key plot points
  • Strong character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic or cliched

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively combines drama and comedy, keeping the audience engaged with shocking revelations and humorous interactions.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a legal case involving a scandalous affair and conflicting testimonies adds depth and intrigue to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot unfolds with tension and humor, revealing key information about the case and the characters involved.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces unique situations within a familiar legal setting, with fresh approaches to courtroom drama and character interactions. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the story forward.

Character Changes: 7

Characters undergo subtle changes, especially in their perceptions of each other and the case, adding depth to their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to uncover the truth and defend her client, Brooke Windham, against the accusations being made. This reflects her deeper desire for justice and her fear of losing the case.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to prove Brooke Windham's innocence and win the case. This reflects the immediate challenge of defending a client in a court of law.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between testimonies, the revelation of the affair, and the courtroom drama create high tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with challenging questions, conflicting testimonies, and unexpected revelations that create obstacles for the protagonist and keep the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of a murder trial, scandalous affair, and conflicting testimonies raise the tension and importance of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information and setting up future developments in the case.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and twists in the trial proceedings, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between truth and deception, as the characters navigate the legal system and personal relationships. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in justice and integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from shock at the affair revelation to amusement at the comedic moments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, with a mix of serious legal discussions and witty banter that adds to the scene's dynamic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, dramatic tension, and compelling character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the outcome of the trial.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a steady rhythm, building tension gradually, and allowing for moments of emotional impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a courtroom drama, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a courtroom drama, with clear transitions between different moments in the trial and a focus on character interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and effectively builds tension as the prosecution grills various witnesses, including Chutney and Enrique.
  • The use of camera angles and cuts to different parts of the courtroom helps to maintain the pace and keep the reader engaged.
  • The dialogue is sharp and realistic, with the witnesses' responses to the DA's questions revealing their personalities and motivations.
  • The inclusion of Elle's perspective as she watches Brooke's reaction to Enrique's admission of an affair adds an emotional layer to the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from more description of the courtroom and the characters' appearances, which would help the reader visualize the setting and the people involved.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more sensory details to the scene, such as the sound of the gavel or the smell of the courtroom, to create a more immersive experience for the reader.
  • Consider expanding on Elle's reaction to Enrique's admission of an affair, as this could add emotional depth to the scene and further develop her character.
  • Consider adding more context to the scene, such as a brief explanation of the charges against Brooke or the relationship between the witnesses and the defendant, to help the reader better understand the stakes of the trial.
  • Consider adding more conflict to the scene, such as a confrontation between Brooke and Enrique or a challenge to the DA's line of questioning, to keep the reader engaged and build tension.



Scene 34 -  Brooke's Alibi and a Night In
105 INT. COURTROOM - MOMENTS LATER 105
Everyone files out. As Brooke is being led away, she turns *
to Elle. *
BROOKE
I'm not having an affair with Enrique — *
you know a Delta Gamma would never sleep
with a man who wears a thong! I just
liked watching him bend over to clean the
filter —


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 89.
105 CONTINUED: 105


ELLE
I believe you! Don't worry.

Brooke is taken away.

106 INT. ELLE'S DORM ROOM - NIGHT 106

Elle, in sweats and a pony-tail, pours over a mammoth-sized
deposition. A KNOCK sounds.
ELLE
Come in.

Sarah enters.

SARAH
(re the depo)
You done with that yet?
Elle hands the deposition over.
ELLE
Take it. I've read it twenty times.
She grabs another one off of the stack and begins reading.
Sarah lingers.
SARAH
I believe her, too. I don't think she's
having an affair with Enrique.
ELLE
Too bad you and I are the only ones.
SARAH
I ' m still can't believe you didn't tell
Donovan the alibi.
Elle looks up, defensive.
ELLE
It's not my alibi to tell —
SARAH
(interrupting)
I know. I thought that was very —
classy of you. .
ELLE
(surprised)
Really? Thanks.
Sarah starts to go, then stops.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 90.
106 CONTINUED: 106


SARAH
y Have you ever noticed that Donovan never
asks Warner to bring him coffee? He's
asked me at least a dozen times.
Elle shrugs.
ELLE
Men are helpless. You know that. *
Sarah lingers, leaning on the edge of the couch.
SARAH
Warner can't even do his own laundry.
ELLE
I know. He has it sent out.
SARAH
Did you know he got wait-listed when he -
applied? His father had to make a call.
ELLE
(stunned)
You're kidding!
A KNOCK sounds on the open door and Margot and Serena poke
their heads in.
MARGOT AND SERENA
Surprise!

ELLE
Oh, my God! ' -.
Sarah watches as Elle jumps up to hug the girls, who each
have a bottle of Veuve Cliquot in their hands.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
What're you doing here?!
SERENA
We're on our way to the bridal show in *
New York so we thought we'd rescue you *
from law school for the night.
MARGOT
(tempting her)
We have a limo downstairs and lots more
of these.
She wiggles her champagne bottle.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 91.
106 CONTINUED: (2) 106


ELLE
You guys — I can't. We're in the middle
of a trial.
SERENA *
Where's Warner? *
SARAH *
(confused) *
At the office ~ *
Margot and Serena look over at her. *
MARGOT
Oh, how sweet! You made friends with a
nerdy girl.
ELLE
Margot!
SERENA
Bring her, too.
(to Sarah)
C'mon. You can wear one of Elle's
outfits.
SARAH
That's okay —
MARGOT
(to Elle)
Speaking of which, can you please put on
some party clothes? You look like
someone rolled you in something sticky
and dragged you through a K-Mart.
ELLE
(torn)
I can't believe you guys are actually
here — but this case is important. I'll *
make it up to you after finals, okay? I
— promise. I really want to do a good job.
Margot and Serena stare at her, realizing she means it.
SERENA
Okay. . . Call us if you change your mind.
They start to head out. Margot hands Sa-rah the bottle of champagne.
MARGOT
Here.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 92.
106 CONTINUED: (3) 106


She spots The Rock on Sarah's finger and grabs her hand.

MARGOT (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Jesus. Talk about a Rock. You must be
better in bed than you look.

Elle hustles them out the door.
ELLE
I'll call you as soon as it's over, okay? *
Sisters forever? *

MARGOT AND SERENA *
Sister forever. *
She shuts the door behind them. Then looks at Sarah.

ELLE *
(continuing)
Sorry about that.

Sarah sets down the Veuve.

SARAH
Save it.

She smiles at Elle.
SARAH (CONT'D)
(continuing)
We'll drink it after we win.

Elle smiles .
Genres: ["Legal Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Brooke is accused of having an affair and led away, while Elle stays behind to discuss Brooke's alibi with Sarah. Margot and Serena invite Elle out, but she declines. The scene takes place in Elle's dorm room at night, and the main conflict is whether or not to tell Donovan about Brooke's alibi. The tone is serious and tense at the beginning, but lightens up with the arrival of Margot and Serena. Key pieces of dialogue include Brooke's denial of the affair, Sarah's belief in Brooke's alibi, and the revelation about Warner being wait-listed. The scene ends with Sarah and Elle staying behind to drink champagne after they win the case.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Witty dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Low external conflict
  • Some predictable moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, well-written, and balances humor with the seriousness of the trial. It showcases the importance of friendship and loyalty.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of sisterhood, support, and loyalty is well-executed in the scene, adding depth to the characters and the overall story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Elle faces challenges in the trial, maintains her integrity, and receives support from her friends. The scene sets up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh and relatable situations, such as balancing social life with academic pursuits and navigating conflicting loyalties. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Elle showing determination and integrity, Sarah providing support, and Margot and Serena adding humor and friendship dynamics.

Character Changes: 6

Elle shows growth in her integrity and loyalty, but the changes are subtle in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to balance her loyalty to her friend Brooke with her commitment to her law studies and career aspirations. She wants to do the right thing while also maintaining her friendships and social life.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to focus on the trial and do a good job as a law student. She wants to prove herself and succeed in her academic pursuits.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

There is internal conflict for Elle regarding the alibi, but the external conflict is relatively low in this scene.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is moderate, with interpersonal conflicts and challenges that add tension and drama to the story.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in this scene, with the trial being important but not reaching a critical climax yet.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by setting up future conflicts, deepening character relationships, and introducing new elements to the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the shifting dynamics between characters and the unexpected revelations about their relationships and motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The scene presents a conflict between loyalty to friends and professional integrity. Elle must navigate the expectations of her social circle while also upholding the standards of her chosen profession.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes positive emotions of friendship, loyalty, and support, but the emotional impact is not overly intense.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, engaging, and reveals the relationships between the characters. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, drama, and character dynamics. The dialogue and interactions keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character moments. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and plot progression. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Elle and Sarah is a bit stilted and unnatural. It doesn't flow very well and it's difficult to tell what their relationship is like.
  • The scene doesn't really advance the plot or develop the characters. It's mostly just a conversation between Elle and Sarah about the case.
  • The scene doesn't have a clear purpose or goal. It's not clear what Elle and Sarah are trying to achieve by talking to each other.
  • The scene is too long and could be shortened without losing any important information.
  • The scene could be more visually interesting. It's mostly just two people talking in a room.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Elle and Sarah to make it more natural and conversational. Make it clear what their relationship is like and what they're trying to achieve by talking to each other.
  • Add more action to the scene. Have Elle and Sarah do something besides just talk to each other.
  • Break the scene up into shorter paragraphs. This will make it easier to read and more visually interesting.
  • Add more details to the setting. Describe the room where Elle and Sarah are talking, as well as the clothes they're wearing.
  • Consider adding a third character to the scene. This will create more conflict and tension.



Scene 35 -  Paulette's Failed Attempt at Impressing the UPS Guy
107 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - DAY 107 *
Paulette arranges a nail polish display by the door.

UPS GUY (O.S.)
I've got a big one for you.
Paulette freezes and slowly turns to find UPS Guy holding out
a big package.

UPS GUY (CONT'D)
Can you sign?

He hands her the computerized tablet and as he does, the pen
velcroed to the side falls off.
Paulette watches as it FALLS IN SLO-MO. Realizing that now *
is the perfect time to try the Bend & Snap.
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 93.
107 CONTINUED: 107


She bends slowly, tush out, knee cocked. She grabs the pen
and as she prepares to Snap back up, UPS Guy leans over to
help.
UPS GUY (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Got it?
Not realizing he's leaning over, she SNAPS back up --
CLOCKING him in the NOSE with her head.

He reels backward, holding his nose, blood flowing as
Paulette stares at him-in horror.

PAULETTE
Oh my God!
CUT TO:
108 INT. COURTHOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY 108
Elle waits in line for the water fountain, talking on her
cell phone.
ELLE
(into phone)
You broke his nose?!

We INTERCUT with Paulette as she watches- UPS Guy being
carried out by paramedics on a gurney. The ladies of the
shop flutter around him, concerned.

UPS GUY
I'm okay —

PAULETTE
I think he noticed me, Elle —
(sobbing)
But only because I maimed him!

ELLE
(consoling)
I'll be over right after the trial, okay?
We're about to cross- examine Enrique.
And don't worry! My friend Serena barfed
on a guy during "The Blair Witch Project"
and end up dating him for three months.
She hangs up. Enrique cuts in front of her in line for the
water fountain. She glares at him, tapping her foot.
He finishes getting his drink and turns, looking at her.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 94.
108 CONTINUED: 108


ENRIQUE
Don't stomp your little Prada sandals at
me, Miss Thing.
He walks past, as.Elle gapes at him. Realizing.
Genres: ["Comedy","Legal Drama"]

Summary Paulette tries to use the Bend & Snap move to impress the UPS Guy, but accidentally hits him in the nose, causing it to bleed. UPS Guy is taken away by paramedics while Elle, who is waiting in line for a water fountain, consoles Paulette over the phone. The scene takes place in the morning, inside Beauty Oasis, a beauty shop, and at a courthouse hallway during the day. The main conflict is Paulette's desire to attract the UPS Guy's attention, which results in an accident. The tone is lighthearted and humorous, despite the accident, with a touch of drama and concern for the UPS Guy's well-being.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Engaging plot development
  • Dynamic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Slight emotional impact
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly entertaining, blending humor with the legal aspects of the story effectively. The mishap with the Bend & Snap adds a comedic element, while the ongoing trial drama keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of combining comedy with legal drama is executed well in this scene. The Bend & Snap mishap adds a unique and humorous touch, while the legal trial drama adds depth to the overall story.

Plot: 9

The plot is engaging, with the mishap leading to a series of events that move the story forward. The ongoing trial drama adds tension and intrigue to the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh and humorous take on a classic romantic comedy trope, adding a unique twist with the Bend & Snap move and the unexpected nose injury. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene. Elle's determination and Paulette's comedic mishap create a dynamic and entertaining dynamic.

Character Changes: 6

There is a slight character change in Paulette, who experiences a mishap but ultimately finds support from Elle. Elle's determination and loyalty are further highlighted in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Paulette's internal goal in this scene is to impress the UPS Guy with her Bend & Snap move, showcasing her desire for attention and validation.

External Goal: 7

Paulette's external goal is to sign for the package from the UPS Guy, reflecting the immediate task she needs to complete.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, particularly with the mishap involving the UPS guy and the tension surrounding the ongoing trial drama.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Paulette faces a difficult situation with the UPS Guy's injury, leading to comedic and emotional conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in this scene, particularly with the ongoing trial drama and the mishap involving the UPS guy. The characters are faced with challenges that add tension and intrigue to the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new elements, such as the mishap with the UPS guy and the ongoing trial drama. These events add depth to the overall narrative and keep the audience engaged.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as Paulette accidentally injuring the UPS Guy with her head. The audience is kept on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of self-confidence and self-expression. Paulette's attempt to impress the UPS Guy clashes with her lack of awareness, leading to a humorous yet embarrassing situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with moments of humor and tension that engage the audience. The mishap with the UPS guy adds a touch of emotion, while the ongoing trial drama adds depth to the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty and engaging, blending humor with the legal aspects of the story. The interactions between characters feel natural and add to the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its comedic elements, physical comedy, and relatable characters. The audience is drawn into the awkward and humorous situation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and reaction. The comedic timing adds to the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a romantic comedy genre, with a setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its comedic effect.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written with clear actions and dialogue, but there are some areas that could be improved to enhance the humor and pacing.
  • The Bend & Snap move is a humorous and memorable moment, but the slow-motion effect might be overkill and could slow down the pacing of the scene.
  • The UPS Guy's dialogue is a bit too on-the-nose and could be more subtle to avoid being too obvious. For example, instead of saying 'I've got a big one for you', he could say something like 'This one's a heavy one' or simply hand her the package without any comment.
  • The transition between the two scenes could be smoother. The last line of the previous scene is Elle smiling, but it's not clear what she's smiling about. It might be helpful to add a line or two to connect the two scenes and make it clear that Elle is smiling because she's talking to Paulette about the trial.
Suggestions
  • Consider removing the slow-motion effect of the pen falling and Paulette's head snapping up. It might make the scene feel less cartoonish and more realistic.
  • Make the UPS Guy's dialogue more subtle and less obvious. This will make the scene feel more natural and less staged.
  • Add a line or two to connect the two scenes and make it clear that Elle is smiling because she's talking to Paulette about the trial. This will help the pacing and flow of the story.



Scene 36 -  Elle Exposes Enrique's Affair and Sexuality in Court
109 INT. COURTROOM - DAY - MOMENTS LATER 109
Elle grabs Emmett's arm as he whispers with Donovan.

ELLE
He's gay! Enrique is gay!

EMMETT
What?!
She grabs Warner as he's passing.

ELLE
Warner, what kind of shoes do I have on?

He looks down at her Prada sandals.

WARNER
Pink ones.

ELLE
See?

Donovan frowns, not seeing.
DONOVAN
What are you talking about?

ELLE
He's gay — he isn't Brooke's lover!
He's making it up. Whoever killed
Heyworth is paying him off.
EMMETT
Back up. How do you know he's gay?
ELLE
Gay men know designers. Straight men
don't.
She points at Warner, who shrugs. Brooke leans over.
BROOKE
What's going on?
ELLE
Enrique's gay. I ' m sure of it.'

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 95.
109 CONTINUED: 109


BROOKE
He did leave a Cher tape in the pool
house once —
Donovan scoffs.
DONOVAN
While I appreciate your masterful legal *
theory, I have a murder trial to attend *
to.
He grabs Emmett's arm and pulls him aside as they confer on
more serious matters. Emmett looks at her as if to say
"Sorry", before he looks back at Donovan.
Brooke looks at Donovan, then back at Elle, rolling her eyes.
Elle sits down, pissed. Warner is next to her.
ELLE
Thanks for the backup.
WARNER
How was I supposed to know what kind of
shoes you had on?
She looks at him like he's a complete idiot, as the judge
takes his seat.
110 INT. COURTROOM - MOMENTS LATER - DAY 110

Donovan is in front of Enrique, who is at the stand. *
DONOVAN
Mr. Salvatore, do you have any proof that
you and Mrs. Windham were having an
affair?
ENRIQUE
Just the love in my heart.
Women in the audience openly sigh. Elle makes a puke
gesture. Enid concurs.
Donovan smiles a smug smile.
DONOVAN
If that's all the proof that he has, your
Honor, I think I'm done here.
Emmett stands.
EMMETT
I have a couple of questions, Your Honor?

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 96.
110 CONTINUED: 110


Donovan glares at him.
EMMETT (CONT'D)
(continuing; sotto to Donovan)
Give me two minutes.

He approaches Enrique and starts firing questions at rapid
speed.
EMMETT (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Did you ever take Mrs. Windham on a date?

ENRIQUE
Yes.

EMMETT
Where?

ENRIQUE
A restaurant in Oakland. Where no one
would recognize us.

EMMETT
And how long have you been sleeping with
Mrs. Windham?

. ENRIQUE
Three months.
EMMETT
And what is your boyfriend's name?

ENRIQUE
Chuck.
The audience lets out a gasp. Elle looks up, shocked, then
delighted.

Enrique begins to sweat.

ENRIQUE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
I ' m sorry, I misunderstood. Chuck is
just a friend.

CHUCK, scrawny and angry, stands up in the audience.

CHUCK
If I ' m just your friend, why have we been
doing the slippy-slap every night for the
past six months?


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 97.
110 CONTINUED: (2) 110


The courtroom ERUPTS and the judge bangs the gavel.

Elle smiles victoriously from her seat. Emmett grins back at
her.
Donovan shakes his head, smiling in amazement.
Genres: ["Comedy","Legal Drama"]

Summary Elle reveals Enrique's sexuality to Emmett and Donovan, then questions Warner about her shoes to prove her point. Brooke is skeptical, and Donovan dismisses Elle's theory. Enrique takes the stand, denying the affair with Brooke, but Emmett's questioning reveals the truth. Chuck stands up, confirming their relationship, causing an uproar in the courtroom. The scene ends with the courtroom erupting in chaos as Chuck confirms his relationship with Enrique, and Elle smiling victoriously.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Humorous moments
  • Plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched character reactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, with a good balance of humor and drama. It moves the plot forward and reveals important information about the case.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering Enrique's true relationship status adds a twist to the case and showcases Elle's unconventional investigative methods.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the revelation about Enrique, adding complexity to the case and raising the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the courtroom drama genre by incorporating elements of comedy and scandal. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Elle standing out for her unique approach to solving the case.

Character Changes: 7

Elle's discovery about Enrique challenges her assumptions and leads to a shift in her investigative approach.

Internal Goal: 8

{"What is the protagonist's internal goal in this scene? How does it reflect their deeper needs, fears, or desires?":"Elle's internal goal in this scene is to prove that Enrique is gay and not Brooke's lover, thus revealing a crucial piece of information in the murder trial. This reflects her desire to uncover the truth and seek justice for the victim."}

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to discredit Enrique's testimony and reveal the truth about his relationship with the victim. This reflects the immediate challenge of proving Enrique's credibility as a witness.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a moderate level of conflict, especially with the revelation about Enrique's relationship status.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting testimonies, unexpected revelations, and character confrontations. The audience is kept engaged by the obstacles and challenges faced by the protagonists.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised with the revelation about Enrique, adding complexity to the case and increasing the pressure on the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the case.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and revelations, such as Enrique's confession and Chuck's outburst. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the trial will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

{"Is there a philosophical conflict (two competing value systems) evident in this scene? If so, describe it. How does it challenge or relate to the protagonist's beliefs, values, or worldview?":"The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of truth and deception. Elle's belief in uncovering the truth clashes with Donovan's legal tactics of manipulation and deceit. This challenges Elle's values of honesty and justice."}


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits amusement and surprise from the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty and sharp, adding humor and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, dramatic reveals, and comedic moments. The tension and humor keep the audience invested in the characters and the outcome of the trial.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of tension, humor, and drama. The rapid-fire dialogue and character interactions contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a courtroom drama, with clear character interactions, dialogue, and pacing. The formatting enhances the tension and humor of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene does a good job of showcasing Elle's quick thinking and intuition, but the revelation of Enrique's sexuality might come off as a stereotype or a simplistic way to solve the conflict. It's important to ensure that the character's sexuality is portrayed with sensitivity and respect.
  • The dialogue in the scene is witty and engaging, but there are moments where it might feel over-the-top or unrealistic. Make sure that the characters' reactions and dialogue are grounded in their personalities and the context of the scene.
  • The scene could benefit from a stronger emotional connection to the characters. While the revelation of Enrique's sexuality is a plot point, it might be more impactful if it were tied to the characters' personal struggles or relationships. This would make the scene feel more emotionally resonant and less like a plot device.
Suggestions
  • Consider exploring the characters' emotions and motivations more deeply. This could involve adding more dialogue or action that reveals their thoughts and feelings, or showing how the events of the scene affect them on a personal level.
  • Make sure that the revelation of Enrique's sexuality is handled with sensitivity and respect. This could involve doing research on the portrayal of LGBTQ+ characters in media, or consulting with sensitivity readers or experts in the field.
  • Consider adding more tension or conflict to the scene. This could involve raising the stakes for the characters, adding more obstacles or challenges, or creating more uncertainty about the outcome of the scene. This would make the scene feel more engaging and suspenseful, and would keep the reader invested in the story.



Scene 37 -  Elle's Success Turns Sour: Donovan's Unwanted Advance
111 EXT. COURTHOUSE - DAY 111
Elle and Emmett walk down the stairs together in high
spirits. Donovan catches up.

DONOVAN
Good work today, Ms. Woods.

ELLE
Thank you!

He walks on. She looks at Emmett, excited. He high-fives *
her.
112 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - NIGHT 112 *

Paulette is closing up as Elle follows her around.

PAULETTE
(in a giddy, rush)
And after they set his nose, he came back *
for his truck and I offered to drive for
him since he was still on pain-killers
and we spent the whole afternoon
together! He was unconscious for part of *
it, but it was really fun!

ELLE
(hugging Paulette)
I ' m so happy for you!
PAULETTE
How'd it go at the trial?

ELLE
Great. Donovan actually said the words
"Good work, Ms. Woods". He takes me
seriously! Can you believe it?

PAULETTE
Of course I can believe it. You're going *
to make a great lawyer. *

Paulette looks at Elle. Emotional.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 98.
112 CONTINUED: 112


PAULETTE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
Elle, you've changed my life. You are
the kindest, most wonderful angel.
Without you, I wouldn't have Rufus or a *
dinner date. Now go and share your *
goodness with the world while I stay here
and have my hoo-hoo waxed.
113 INT. AUSTEN, JARET, PLATT AND DONOVAN - HALLWAY - NIGHT 113

Elle passes Sarah, who carries a stack of depos into the *
conference room to Dick and Bobby.
SARAH
Donovan asked to see you before you • ' *
leave. *
ELLE
(excited) *
Really? *
SARAH
He's already got his coffee — maybe he *
needs a donut. *
They share a smile as Elle walks over to Donovan's glass- *
walled office and knocks on the door. Nervous.
DONOVAN
Come on in.

He beckons her inside, and she goes, shutting the door behind
her.

114 INT. DONOVAN'S OFFICE - NIGHT 114

He's behind his desk. He motions for her to sit in one of
the two chairs opposite him.
DONOVAN
Sit down.
ELLE
Is everything okay?
DONOVAN
You followed your intuition today and you
. were right on target. I should"ve
listened.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 99.
114 CONTINUED: 114


ELLE
(stunned)
Thank you.
DONOVAN
About the alibi —
She sighs,
ELLE
I ' m sorry, but —
DONOVAN
(cutting her off)
I ' m impressed that you took the
initiative to go there and get it. That's
what makes a good lawyer. And on top of
that, you gained the client's trust and
kept it.. That' s what makes a great
lawyer. You're smart, Elle. Smarter than •• . *
most of the guys I have on my payroll. *
Elle is overwhelmed by his praise.
ELLE
Wow. That means so much to me to hear you
say that.
Donovan walks around his desk and sits in the chair opposite
her.
DONOVAN
I think it's time discuss your career *
path. Have you thought about where you *
might be a summer associate?
ELLE
(still overwhelmed)
Not really. I know how competitive it . •.
all is —
He smiles.
DONOVAN
You know what competition is really
about, don't you?
Eager for his knowledge, Elle is on the edge of her seat. He *
leans in. *
DONOVAN (CONT'D)
(continuing)
It's about ferocity. Carnage. *
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 100.
114 CONTINUED: (2) 114
DONOVAN (CONT'D)
Balancing human intelligence with animal *
diligence. Knowing exactly what you want *
and how far you'll go to get it. How far *
will Elle go? *
As he says the last sentence, he SLIDES his hand UP HER
THIGH.
115 OUTSIDE DONOVAN'S OFFICE 115
Sarah walks down the hallway, glancing in Donovan's office to see —
HER POV —

Donovan's hand sliding up Elle's skirt. She shakes her head
in disgust, & heads off- NOT SEEING
Genres: ["Legal Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Elle and Emmett celebrate a successful day in court, followed by Elle sharing her excitement with Paulette at the salon. However, the tone turns tense when Elle meets with Donovan, who compliments her performance but then makes an inappropriate advance. This is witnessed by Sarah, potentially sowing conflict in the office.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot twists
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Donovan's inappropriate behavior may be off-putting to some viewers
  • Some scenes may feel rushed or crowded with information

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, with a mix of positive and negative emotions, intriguing plot developments, and a shocking betrayal. The pacing is well-executed, and the conflict is heightened.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of legal triumph and betrayal is well-developed, with the focus on Elle's success in the trial and the unexpected revelation of Enrique's affair adding depth to the storyline.

Plot: 9

The plot is dynamic and filled with twists and turns, keeping the audience engaged. The revelation of Enrique's affair and Donovan's inappropriate behavior add layers to the story.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on legal settings by incorporating personal relationships and emotional depth. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Elle's growth as a lawyer, Paulette's gratitude towards Elle, and Donovan's complex nature standing out. The interactions between the characters drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Elle experiences growth in her career and faces a betrayal from Donovan. Paulette expresses her gratitude and emotional bond with Elle. These character changes drive the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal in this scene is to prove herself as a competent and respected lawyer. This reflects her deeper desire for validation, recognition, and success in a male-dominated field.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal in this scene is to discuss her career path and potential opportunities as a summer associate with Donovan. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating her future in the legal profession.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with Elle facing professional challenges, Paulette dealing with personal issues, and Donovan's inappropriate behavior creating tension. The stakes are raised with the revelation of Enrique's affair.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Donovan's unexpected behavior creating a difficult situation for Elle to navigate.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with Elle's career on the line, Paulette's happiness at risk, and the outcome of the trial hanging in the balance. The revelation of Enrique's affair adds a new layer of complexity.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, with key revelations about the case, character dynamics, and plot twists. It sets up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn in Donovan's behavior towards Elle, adding tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the balance between intelligence and diligence, and the idea of competition as ferocity and carnage. This challenges Elle's beliefs about success and the lengths she is willing to go to achieve her goals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from joy and gratitude to shock and disgust. The emotional impact is heightened by the characters' reactions and the unexpected twists.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, with moments of humor, tension, and emotion. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue, emotional depth, and the anticipation of Elle's career progression.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment between Elle and Donovan.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene aligns with the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, transitioning smoothly between different settings and character interactions.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene is a bit stilted and unnatural. It doesn't feel like a real conversation between two people who know each other well.
  • The scene is too long and doesn't really have a clear purpose. It would be more effective if it were shorter and more focused on a specific goal.
  • The characters' motivations are not clear. Why is Donovan being so inappropriate with Elle? Why is Elle so eager to please him?
  • The scene ends abruptly without any real resolution. It would be more satisfying if there were some kind of closure, even if it's just a hint of what's to come.
Suggestions
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and conversational.
  • Shorten the scene and focus on a specific goal.
  • Develop the characters' motivations more clearly.
  • Add a resolution to the scene, even if it's just a hint of what's to come.



Scene 38 -  Elle's Decision to Quit
116 INT. DONOVAN'S OFFICE 116

Elle stares at Donovan in horror, then grabs his hand —
stopping its journey upward.

ELLE
(upset)
You're hitting on me?
DONOVAN
You're a beautiful girl, Elle. *

ELLE *
So everything you just said —? *
DONOVAN *
I ' m a man who knows what I want. *
Elle rises, stung. She stares at him for a beat.

ELLE *
And I ' m a law student who's finally
realized her professor is a pathetic
asshole.

She walks out.

DONOVAN
(calling out)
Too bad. I thought you were a law
student who wanted to be a lawyer.

Elle keeps walking.
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 101.



117 INT. AUSTEN, JARET, PLATT ETC. - ELEVATOR - MOMENT LATER 117 *

Elle is in the elevator. Flushed and upset. As the doors
start to close, Sarah sticks her arm in, blocking them.
SARAH
You almost had me fooled.
ELLE
What?
SARAH
Maybe you should sleep with the judge
too. Then we can win the case.
Sarah steps back, letting the doors shut. *
118 INT. BUILDING LOBBY - NIGHT 118

Elle stomps out of the elevator, as Emmett gets in.

EMMETT
(smiling)
Hey —
ELLE
I'm quitting.
She marches past. He follows, catching up. *
EMMETT
Whoa -- Why?
ELLE
Law school was a mistake. Getting this
internship was a mistake.
EMMETT
What're you talking about? You earned
it-
She snorts.
ELLE
I didn't earn anything. I got this
internship because Donovan liked the way
I looked. Which he made clear .tonight *
when he tried to feel me up. *
Emmett looks pissed as he processes this.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) . 102.
118 CONTINUED: 118


EMMETT
(mind reeling)
So now you're —?

. ELLE
Going back to LA. Maybe I can fulfill my *
destiny as a useless bimbo and join the *
Swedish Bikini Team. No more navy blue
suits. No more panty-hose. No more
trying to be something I ' m not.

EMMETT *
What if you're trying to be something you
are? The hell with Donovan. Stay. *

She stops, giving him a sad smile. *

ELLE *
Thanks for not treating me the way *
everyone else here does. Call me if
you're ever in California. *

She walks out. Emmett watches her go, hating it.
Genres: ["Drama","Comedy"]

Summary Elle finds out about Donovan's inappropriate intentions and quits her internship in anger and disappointment. Emmett tries to convince her to stay, but she is determined to return to LA. The scene takes place in Donovan's office, an elevator, and the building lobby at night, and highlights the sexism Elle faces in her internship. The tone is emotional, with a mix of anger, disappointment, and sadness.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Emotional depth
  • Empowering themes
Weaknesses
  • Potentially predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is emotionally charged, with strong character development and a significant turning point for the protagonist. It effectively conveys themes of empowerment and self-worth.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of standing up against harassment and toxic behavior in a professional setting is well-executed, adding depth to the character and advancing the plot.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Elle makes a bold decision to leave her internship, setting the stage for potential new developments in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene tackles issues of harassment and gender inequality in a fresh and authentic way, with realistic dialogue and character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 10

Elle's character undergoes a significant transformation, showing strength and resilience in the face of adversity. Emmett also plays a supportive role, adding depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 9

Elle undergoes a significant change, standing up for herself and deciding to leave behind a toxic environment, showcasing growth and empowerment.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to assert her independence and self-worth in the face of harassment and discrimination. She wants to stand up for herself and not be defined by others' perceptions of her.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to leave the toxic environment she is in and pursue her true passions and identity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Elle and Donovan adds tension and drama to the scene, leading to a pivotal moment of decision for the protagonist.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Elle facing internal and external challenges that test her resolve and character.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Elle as she confronts harassment and makes a life-changing decision to leave her internship, impacting her future.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up potential new directions for Elle's character and the overall narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in Elle's character arc and the emotional depth of the interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between Elle's desire to be true to herself and follow her dreams, versus societal expectations and pressures to conform to traditional gender roles and expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact is high as Elle confronts harassment and makes a bold decision to leave, resonating with themes of empowerment and self-realization.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and empowerment of the characters, especially Elle, in a compelling manner.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity, strong character dynamics, and relatable themes of empowerment and self-discovery.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, with rising tension and emotional resolution.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and effectively conveys Elle's shock and disgust at Donovan's behavior. However, the dialogue could be more concise and the pacing could be improved.
  • The scene could be more effective if the dialogue were more concise. For example, Donovan's line, "You're a beautiful girl, Elle.", could be cut without losing any of the meaning.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved by cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action. For example, the scene could start with Elle walking out of Donovan's office, and then cut to Emmett catching up to her in the hallway.
  • The scene could be more engaging if it included more conflict. For example, Emmett could try to convince Elle to stay in law school, or Elle could confront Donovan about his behavior.
  • The scene could be more impactful if it ended with a stronger resolution. For example, Elle could decide to file a complaint against Donovan, or she could decide to quit law school and pursue a different career.
Suggestions
  • Cut out some of the unnecessary dialogue and action to improve the pacing of the scene.
  • Include more conflict to make the scene more engaging.
  • Give the scene a stronger resolution.



Scene 39 -  Elle's Confidence Restored: From Quitting Law School to Representing Brooke in Court
119 EXT. BEAUTY OASIS - NIGHT 119 *

Elle's Boxster, packed with suitcases and the potted palm, *
pulls up.

120 INT. BEAUTY OASIS - NIGHT 120 *

Elle sits in front of Paulette, dejected. Not even bothering
with a manicure.

PAULETTE
(upset)
You can't go home!

ELLE
What's the point of staying? All people
see when they look at me is blonde hair
and big boobs. No one's ever going to
take me seriously. The people at law
school don't, Warner doesn't — I don't
even think my parents take me seriously.
They wanted me to grow up and become a
Victoria's Secret model who marries a
rock star. Now, for the first time, it
seemed like someone expected me to do
something better with my life than wear
underwear for a living. But I was kidding
myself — Donovan didn't see me as a
lawyer. He saw me as a piece of ass.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 103.
120 CONTINUED: 120
ELLE (CONT'D)
Just like everyone else. It turns out, I
am a j oke.

She stands up.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
The hell with law school. I just came to
say goodbye.

IN A NEARBY CHAIR

Professor Elspeth Stromwell spins around, nails drying,
facing Elle.
PROFESSOR STROMWELL
If you let one stupid prick ruin your
life, you're not the girl I thought you
were.

Elle looks at her, shocked, as Professor Stromwell stands and
goes.

121 INT. JAIL WAITING ROOM - NIGHT 121

CLOSE ON A TV — Donovan is being interviewed is on the
evening news.

DONOVAN ON TV
Enrique Salvatore has been discredited as a witness.
REPORTER #2 ON TV
Did you go in there knowing how you were
going to discredit Mr. Salvatore?

DONOVAN ON TV
Absolutely. It's a little thing I like
to call strategy.

He gives the reporters a smug smile.

IN THE WAITING ROOM
Brooke looks away from the TV. Emmett is next to her,
prepping her for the following day.

BROOKE
Is he always such an ass?
EMMETT
(containing himself)
He's the top defense attorney in the
state. Of course he's an ass.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 104.
121 CONTINUED: 121


/"""^ BROOKE
^....J But is he an ass that's gonna win my case? *
EMMETT
He's an ass that's gonna try. *
BROOKE
He thinks I ' m guilty, doesn't he?
EMMETT
That's not what's important.
BROOKE
To me it is. He doesn't trust me. Why
should I trust him?
Emmett thinks for a moment. Then looks at Brooke. *
EMMETT
You're right. Why should you?
122 EXT. COURTHOUSE - DAY 122 *
People enter. Reporters set up their cameras. Dorky David *
passes by in a suit and tie. *
123 INT. COURTHOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY 123
Donovan and Emmett head into the courtroom.
DONOVAN
Keep that bitch away from me.
EMMETT
She's our client.
DONOVAN
Not Brooke. Elle.
EMMETT
(blatantly pissed)
Funny how a woman can turn into a bitch
just by saying "no".
Donovan glares at Emmett as they continue in.
Behind them — SARAH stops in her tracks, having heard all of
this.
124 INT. COURTROOM - MOMENTS LATER 124

/•""""•', Donovan takes his seat next to Brooke. She smiles at him.
v_ J
(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 105.
124 CONTINUED: 124


DONOVAN
What're you so happy about? You're on
trial for murder.
BROOKE
Get up.
DONOVAN
What?
BROOKE
You're fired. I have new representation.
DONOVAN
Who?
The door of the courtroom BANGS open and ELLE STRIDES IN,
dressed in a Prada mini-dress, Underdog in her purse. She
blows a bubble, lets it pop, then sets her briefcase down
next to Donovan's.

' ELLE
(to Donovan)
Excuse you. You're in my way.
She nudges him aside. Donovan looks at Brooke.
DONOVAN
She's a law student. She can't defend
you.
Dorky David steps up, holding out a marked casebook. •*
DORKY DAVID *
Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Rule .*
3:03. *
ELLE *
(to Donovan) - *
See? *

JUDGE
Counselors, approach the bench.
Elle starts to head up.
DONOVAN
You're not going up there.
ELLE
Yes, I am.


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 106.
124 CONTINUED: ( 2 ) 124


BROOKE
(to Donovan)
I don't think you heard me. You're fired.
She's my lawyer.
JUDGE
Counselors, now. All of you.
Elle, Donovan and Emmett head up, as does the DA. Elle hands
the judge the case book.
ELLE
Elle Woods, your honor. Rule 3:03 of the *
Supreme Judicial Court states that a law *•
student may appear on behalf of a *
defendant in criminal proceedings. *

DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
(stoked)
I have no problem with this.

DONOVAN
I do. I'm not allowing it.

ELLE
(pointedly)
But you agreed last night. In the
office? When we were discussing my
"career"?

The implication lingers in the air, as Donovan glares at her.

JUDGE
(reading the casebook)
The ruling also states that you need a
licensed attorney to supervise you. Mr.
Donovan?

DONOVAN
That, I won't agree to.

Emmett steps forward.

EMMETT
I' m supervising, Your Honor. *

Elle smiles at him. Donovan looks from Emmett to Elle,
completely derailed.

JUDGE
Well, then, Ms. Woods. Proceed.

Elle walks back to the table with a grin. Warner looks shocked.

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 107.
124 (CONTINUED: (3) 124


IN THE AUDIENCE
Paulette beams, the UPS Guy in the nose brace, next to her.

Serena and Margot, now in attendance, STAND clapping and
squealing in a completely inappropriate way.

SERENA
Go, Elle!
Donovan takes a seat in the audience. As he passes by Brooke:

DONOVAN
Enjoy prison.

The judge looks at Brooke.

JUDGE
Mrs. Windham, you do realize what you're
doing?

BROOKE
Absolutely.
As Donovan sits, Margot leans over.

MARGOT
Don't fuck with a Delta Gamma.

AT THE DEFENSE TABLE

Sarah leans forward to Elle, who gathers her notes.

SARAH
Kick some butt.

Elle looks at her, surprised.

JUDGE
Ms. Woods, call your first witness.

ELLE
I'd like to recall Chutney Windham as a
defense witness.
The crowd murmurs. Donovan rolls his eyes.
Genres: ["Comedy","Legal Drama"]

Summary In this emotional and intense scene, Elle, feeling like a joke, plans to leave law school after Donovan's disdainful behavior. However, Professor Stromwell's encouragement helps her regain her confidence. Meanwhile, Brooke fires Donovan and hires Elle, who confidently asserts her right to represent Brooke in court under Emmett's supervision. The scene takes place in various locations, including the Beauty Oasis salon, jail waiting room, TV room, courthouse hallway, and courtroom. The main conflicts include Elle's lack of confidence and Brooke hiring Elle as her lawyer, which Donovan opposes. The scene ends with Elle confidently walking back to the defense table after being approved by the judge to represent Brooke in court.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot development
  • Dynamic character interactions
  • Humorous yet dramatic tone
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched moments
  • Slightly predictable outcomes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, with a good balance of humor and drama. Elle's transformation into a confident and assertive character is compelling.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a law student defending a client in a high-stakes trial is innovative and captivating. It challenges traditional legal norms.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as Elle takes on a more active role in the trial, leading to unexpected developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on legal drama and female empowerment, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Elle, Donovan, and Brooke, show depth and growth in this scene. Their interactions are crucial to the unfolding events.

Character Changes: 9

Elle undergoes a significant transformation, from feeling dejected to taking charge and proving her capabilities. This change is pivotal to the scene.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to prove herself as a capable and serious individual beyond her appearance. She wants to be respected for her intelligence and skills, not just her looks.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to defend Brooke in court and prove her innocence. This reflects the immediate challenge she is facing in the legal world.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

There is a high level of conflict between characters, especially between Elle and Donovan, which creates tension and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts between characters and legal challenges adding depth and complexity to the story.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Brooke's trial takes a crucial turn, with Elle stepping up to defend her against all odds.

Story Forward: 10

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new conflicts, resolutions, and character dynamics, setting the stage for the trial.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in the legal proceedings and character decisions, keeping the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between superficial judgments based on appearance and the value of intelligence and capability. This challenges Elle's beliefs about how she is perceived by others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty, sharp, and drives the narrative forward. It reveals the characters' motivations and conflicts effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, drama, and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character development.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character arcs and plot progression, maintaining tension and engagement.


Critique
  • The scene is well-written and engaging, but it could be improved by adding more details about Elle's emotional state. For example, the scene would be more powerful if it showed Elle crying or expressing her anger and frustration more explicitly.
Suggestions
  • Add more details about Elle's emotional state.
  • Consider having Elle cry or express her anger and frustration more explicitly.
  • Consider adding a scene where Elle talks to someone about her experiences and how they've affected her.



Scene 40 -  Chutney's Perm Leads to Confession
125 INT. COURTROOM - DAY - MOMENTS LATER 125

Chutney takes her hand off of the Bible and sits.

JUDGE
Ms. Woods, begin your questioning.
.
(CONTINUED)
9/18/2000 Revision (Pink) 108.
125 CONTINUED: 125


ELLE *
First, your Honor, I ' d like to point out *
that not only is there no proof in this *
case, but there's a complete lack of mens *
rea, which by definition tells us that *
there is no crime without a vicious will. *
The DA rolls her eyes, as do the lawyers present. *
JUDGE •*
I am aware of the meaning of mens rea. *
What I am unaware of is why you're giving *
me a vocabulary lesson instead of *
questioning your witness. *
Flustered, Elle turns to Chutney. *
ELLE *
Okay -- Ms. Windham, when you uh arrived *
back at the house? Was your father there? *
CHUTNEY
Not that I saw. But like I said, I went
straight upstairs to take a shower. ' ,
ELLE
And when you came downstairs, what happened?
CHUTNEY
I saw Brooke standing over his body,
drenched in his blood.
ELLE
But Mrs. Windham didn't have a gun?
CHUTNEY
No, she'd stashed it by then.
Brooke rolls her eyes.
EMMETT *
Move to strike that from the record, your *
Honor. Speculation.
JUDGE
Stricken.
Elle mentally kicks herself for not doing this herself. *
Eirimett gives her a reassuring nod. She takes a deep breath, • *
then continues on. *

ELLE
Did you hear a shot fired?

(CONTINUED)
9/18/2000 Revision (Pink) 108A.
125 CONTINUED: (2) 125


CHUTNEY
No. I was in the shower.
ELLE
So at some point in the — twenty
minutes? — you were in the shower, your
father was shot?
CHUTNEY
I guess.
Elle paces a bit. Underdog watches from her purse on the
table, intrigued by her line of questioning.




(CONTINUED)
9/18/2000 Revision (Pink) 109.
125 CONTINUED: (3) . 125


ELLE
Your father was shot while you were in
the shower?

Gerard looks at Emmett.
GERARD
Where's she going with this?

EMMETT
Have a little faith.

ELLE
But you didn't hear the shot, because you
were in the shower.
CHUTNEY
(annoyed)
Yes. I was washing my hair.

Elle's onto something, but not sure what. . *

ELLE
Miss Windham, can you tell us what you'd
been doing earlier in the day?

CHUTNEY
I got up, went to Starbucks, went to the
gym, got a perm, and came home.

ELLE
Where you got in the shower.

CHUTNEY
(impatient)
Yes.

JUDGE *
I believe the witness has made it clear *
that she was in the shower. *
People start to murmur. Donovan snickers. Sarah looks
worried. *
ELLE
Yes, Your Honor. Had you ever gotten a . .*
perm before, Miss Windham?

CHUTNEY
(confused)
Yes.

The beginnings of a smile start to spread across Elle's face. *

(CONTINUED)
9/18/2000 Revision (Pink) 109A.
125 CONTINUED: ( 4 ) . 125


ELLE
How many, would you say?
CHUTNEY
Two a year since I was twelve. You do the
math.




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 110.
125 CONTINUED: (3) 125


ELLE
You know, a girl in my sorority, Tracy
Marcinko, got a perm once. Even though we *
all told her not to ~ curls really *
weren't the right look for her —
(chummy)
She didn't have your bone structure.

Chutney almost smiles.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
But, thankfully, that same day, she
entered the Pi Kap wet t-shirt contest
where she was completely hosed down from
head to toe.

Donovan shakes his head at her incompetence.
DA JOYCE RAFFERTY
Objection. Why is this relevant?
Emmett clears his throat, worried. Elle turns around, giving
him a "trust me" look. Then turns back to the judge.

ELLE
(to the judge)
I have a point. I promise.

JUDGE
Then make it.

Elle looks at Chutney. . . *

ELLE
Chutney, why is it that Tracy Marcinko's
curls were ruined when she got hosed
down?

CHUTNEY
Because they got wet.

ELLE
That's right. Because isn't the first
cardinal rule of perm maintenance that
you are forbidden to wet your hair for at
least twenty-four hours after getting a
perm at the risk of de-activating the
ammonium thiglycolate?

Chutney pales.



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 111.
125 CONTINUED: ( 4 ) 125


CHUTNEY
Yes —
Elle continues.

ELLE
And wouldn't someone who's had — thirty
perms? — throughout her lifetime, be
well aware of this rule?

Chutney doesn't answer. She just glares at Brooke.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
And if you, in fact, were not washing
your hair, as I suspect you were not,
since your curls are still intact,
wouldn't you have heard the gunshot?

Chutney continues to glare.
ELLE (CONT'D)
(continuing)
And if you in fact, heard the gunshot,
then Brooke Windham wouldn't have had
time to hide the gun before you got
downstairs. Which would mean that you
would've had to have found Mrs. Windham
with a gun in her hand to make your story
sound plausible. Isn't that right?

CHUTNEY
She's younger than I am. Did she tell
you that? How would you feel if your
father married someone younger than you?

ELLE
You, however, had time to hide the gun,
didn't you, Chutney? After you shot your
father?

Brooke looks at Chutney in horror, realizing.

CHUTNEY
I didn't mean to shoot him — • *
(to Brooke) *
I meant to shoot you!

Pandemonium erupts. The gavel pounds.

BROOKE . ' . . ' *
I knew it! *


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 112.
125 CONTINUED: (5) 125


Elle looks at Emmet t., elated at what's just happened.
ELLE
(shocked) *
Oh, my God!
EMMETT
(even more shocked) *
Oh, my G^d.! ! *
Genres: ["Legal Drama","Comedy"]

Summary In this courtroom scene from Legally Blonde, Elle Woods interrogates Chutney Windham, who is defending her father's killer. Elle notices Chutney's curly hair and questions her about her recent perm. Chutney admits she hadn't wet her hair for at least twenty-four hours, which Elle uses to deduce that Chutney must have heard the gunshot and lied about finding Brooke with the gun. Under pressure, Chutney confesses that she intended to shoot Brooke but accidentally killed her father instead, resolving the conflict and exonerating Brooke. The scene ends with the crowd erupting in pandemonium.
Strengths
  • Clever use of hair perm maintenance rules
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Surprising twist at the end
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too far-fetched for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, combining drama with humor effectively. The revelation at the end adds a surprising twist.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using hair perm maintenance rules to unravel a legal case is unique and clever.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a strong buildup to the unexpected revelation at the end.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the courtroom drama genre, with unexpected twists and a unique resolution to the case. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Chutney undergoes a significant change as her true intentions are exposed.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to uncover the truth and prove her client's innocence. This reflects her desire for justice and her determination to succeed in a challenging situation.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to defend her client and win the case. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in the courtroom and the pressure to prove her client's innocence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

There is a high level of conflict as the truth is revealed and tensions rise.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and hidden motives that create tension and uncertainty for the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the truth behind the murder case is revealed.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by resolving a key plot point.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations and twists that challenge the audience's expectations and keep them guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the concept of truth and justice. Elle's pursuit of the truth challenges the values and beliefs of the other characters, especially Chutney's deception and manipulation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a range of emotions from tension to shock to amusement.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and drives the scene forward effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its suspenseful buildup, witty dialogue, and unexpected plot twists that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective, with a gradual buildup of tension and suspense that leads to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a courtroom drama, with clear pacing and character interactions that drive the plot forward.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Elle mentioning the term 'mens rea', which assumes that the audience is familiar with the term. It might be helpful to include a brief explanation or definition of 'mens rea' to make the scene more accessible to a wider audience.
  • The dialogue exchange between Elle and the judge about 'mens rea' could be more concise and focused. It might be helpful to streamline the dialogue and have Elle directly move on to questioning Chutney.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit slow at times. Consider trimming some of the unnecessary lines or actions to keep the scene moving at a brisk pace.
  • The line 'Donovan snickers. Sarah looks worried.' could be more descriptive. Consider adding more details to convey Donovan's reaction and Sarah's emotional state.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual elements to make it more engaging. Consider incorporating descriptions of the courtroom, character movements, gestures, or facial expressions.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a brief explanation of 'mens rea' to provide context for the audience.
  • Streamline the dialogue exchange between Elle and the judge about 'mens rea' and have Elle directly move on to questioning Chutney.
  • Trim some of the unnecessary lines or actions to keep the scene moving at a brisk pace.
  • Add more descriptive details to convey Donovan's reaction to Elle's questioning and Sarah's emotional state.
  • Incorporate visual elements such as descriptions of the courtroom, character movements, gestures, or facial expressions to make the scene more engaging.



Scene 41 -  Elle's Courtroom Victory and New Beginnings
126 INT. COURTHOUSE FOYER - DAY 126 *
Reporters mob Elle and Brooke as they make their way out of *
the courtroom. *
REPORTER
Elle, how did you know Chutney was lying?

BROOKE *
Because she is brilliant. *
ELLE
(humble) *
The rules of haircare are simple and
finite . Any Cosmo girl would ' ve known .

The reporters laugh as they snap pictures of her and a happy *
Brooke. *
127 INT. WOODS' BEL AIR HOME - GYM -SAME TIME 127 *

CLOSE ON THE TV — the channels change: golf — a commercial - *
- Elle in the courthouse. *
DANIEL (O.S.) *
What the --? *
Daniel, Elle 's father, watches TV as he does his morning *
workout on the treadmill. *
DANIEL (CONT'D) *
Honey, stop! *
(proud) *
Bile's on TV! *
He looks next to him, where Sapphire is upside down on a yoga *
inversion machine. *
SAPPHIRE'S POV — the upside-down television with Elle on it. *

SAPPHIRE *
Oh, my God! What happened to her tan? '-*
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 113.



128 INT. COURTHOUSE FOYER - MOMENTS LATER 128

As the reporters continue to mob Brooke, Elle steps aside to *
talk to Serena and Margot. . *
SERENA
I wish we could stay longer, but I have a
game.
ELLE
I can't believe you're a Laker Girl!

MARGOT
Hello! You're like, a lawyer.

ELLE
(grinning)
Not yet.

Enid walks up to the girls.

ENID
(to Elle)
Even though you knew your shit today —
you're still a product of the patriarchy
and a creation of the male-dominated
media. And so are your friends.

She looks at Serena.
ENID (CONT'D) *
(continuing; to Serena)
Although — you're kinda hot. Call me.

She walks off. Serena looks alarmed.

ELLE
(hugging them)
Don't worry. She's harmless. I'll see
you guys soon! Thanks for coming!
She air-kisses them as Margot leads a still shell-shocked
Serena away as Emmett walks up to Elle.

129 EXT. COURTHOUSE STEPS - DAY - LATER' 129 *

Elle looks up at the courthouse as the sun sets behind it. *
She smiles, proud of herself. • *

WARNER (O.S.) *
You were amazing today. *
She turns and finds Warner. *

(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 114.
129 CONTINUED: 129


ELLE *
Thank you. *
He moves closer. *
WARNER *
It made me realize something. I ' m an *
idiot. *
ELLE . *
Really? *
He turns on the charm. *
WARNER *
I want to be with you, Elle. Forever. *
He pulls her close, hand around her waist, kissing her. She *
looks up at him, a trace of the old love in her eyes. For a *
moment, she melts. *
ELLE . '*
I want to be with you, too, Warner. *
After a moment, she steps back, removing his hand from her '*
waist and wrenching it behind his back. *
ELLE (CONT'D) *
In court. On opposing sides. *
WARNER *
(shocked) *
Are you serious? •*

ELLE *
Huh. Imagine that. Looks like I am. *
She walks down the steps. Warner watches her go, then turns *
to see Sarah, who's witnessed the entire episode. She glares *
at him, then walks past. *

WARNER . *
Sarah — hold on. . *
She shoves him, knocking him on his ass, then rushes to .catch *
up with Elle. *
SARAH *
(calling out) *
Elle, wait up — *
Elle turns. *


(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 115.
129 CONTINUED: (2) 129


SARAH (CONT'D) *
(continuing; sheepish) *
I ' m a bitch. *
ELLE *
Yes, you are. *
SARAH *
And Donovan's a-scumbag for coming on to *
you. *
' ELLE *
Yes, he is. • . *
They look at each other in a silent truce. *

SARAH *
So — can we drink that champagne when I *
get back from the pawnshop? *
She pulls off her engagement ring. *

ELLE . . .*
You're pawning The Rock?! *
SARAH •*
Hell, yes. We've got finals to study *
for. In Jamaica. *

She smiles and heads off. Elle smiles, processing this as *
Emmett approaches Elle. . *

EMMETT •*
Up for a celebration dinner? *
ELLE *
Are you asking me on a date? *
EMMETT - *
As long as you realize I'm not just some *
man-toy you can show off like a trophy. *

ELLE ' *
(joking) *
Then, forget it. Besides, I have an early *
class tomorrow. . *

EMMETT *
So Friday at eight? *
She smiles at him. . *



(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 116.
129 CONTINUED: ( 3 ) 129


ELLE *
Perfect. *
She heads down the stairs, stops and thinks a moment, then *
runs back up — *
— Grabbing Emmett in a hellacious KISS. He kisses her back. *
We CRANE UP as they embrace on the courthouse steps. *
FADE OUT: *

FADE IN: *
Genres: ["Comedy","Legal Drama"]

Summary Elle Woods and Brooke Taylor-Windham exit the courtroom after winning a case, greeted by reporters. Elle's father and stepmother watch her on TV. Elle reunites with her friends Serena and Margot, but is confronted by Enid about being products of the patriarchy. Warner apologizes and proposes to Elle, but she rejects him and walks away with Sarah, who decides to pawn her engagement ring. Emmett asks Elle on a date, and she ultimately chooses to embrace her new beginning with him.
Strengths
  • Witty dialogue
  • Surprising twist with Chutney's confession
  • Empowering character arc for Elle
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be too comedic for a legal drama setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, with a good balance of humor and drama, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using haircare knowledge to uncover a lie is unique and adds a fun twist to the legal drama genre.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a surprising revelation that keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on gender roles, legal drama, and personal relationships, offering authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel original and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their interactions add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Elle undergoes a significant change from feeling dejected to empowered, which drives the scene forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove her intelligence and capability, despite facing challenges and criticism. This reflects her deeper need for validation and respect.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate her relationships and assert her independence and strength. This reflects the immediate circumstances of her personal and professional life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a good level of conflict, especially during the courtroom confrontation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs, values, and relationships.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high as the main character faces a challenging legal situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by resolving a key conflict and setting up future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected character actions and dialogue, as well as the shifting dynamics and conflicts between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between traditional gender roles and expectations, as well as the protagonist's defiance of societal norms. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, highlighting themes of empowerment and self-discovery.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits positive emotions like amusement and empowerment.

Dialogue: 10

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and drives the scene forward effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, drama, and social commentary, as well as the dynamic character interactions and plot developments.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and character moments, maintaining a steady rhythm and flow that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations, well-defined character interactions, and a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene is very expository and on-the-nose. For example, Elle says, "I want to be with you, too, Warner. In court. On opposing sides." This is a very clear and direct statement of her intentions, and it doesn't leave much room for subtext or interpretation.
  • The scene also suffers from a lack of conflict. Warner and Sarah's sudden change of heart is not believable, and it doesn't create any real tension or drama.
  • The ending of the scene is very abrupt and unsatisfying. Elle and Emmett's kiss is out of nowhere, and it doesn't feel like a natural progression of their relationship.
Suggestions
  • The writer could try to make the dialogue more subtle and nuanced. For example, instead of having Elle say, "I want to be with you, too, Warner. In court. On opposing sides," she could say something like, "I'm not sure what I want, Warner. I love you, but I also want to be a lawyer." This would be a more ambiguous statement, and it would leave more room for interpretation.
  • The writer could also try to add some conflict to the scene. For example, Warner could try to talk Elle out of being a lawyer, or Sarah could try to sabotage Elle's relationship with Emmett.
  • The writer could also try to give the scene a more satisfying ending. For example, Elle and Emmett could have a conversation about their future, or they could share a kiss that is more romantic and meaningful.



Scene 42 -  Blonde Legal Defense Club's Popular Orientation Debut
130 EXT. HARVARD LAW SCHOOL QUAD - DAY 130 *
"Welcome Law Students Class of 2004" banners hang over
orientation tables. Nervous first year students stand in
line.
We PAN ACROSS a row of club tables — passing "Harvard Law . *
Journal" and "Environmental Law Association" •— until we *
reach a table that proudly bears the banner of "Blonde Legal
Defense Club".
Elle, in a red 2L t-shirt, stands behind the table,
straightening some flyers. UNDERDOG is plopped down on top *
of the stack. Elle turns to see EMMETT next to her.
'• ' •
EMMETT
• ' .:.
(re Underdog)
Someone missed you.
ELLE
Is he the only one?
EMMETT
What do you think?
They kiss. *


EMMETT (CONT'D)
(continuing; re the crowd)
Looks like you're pretty popular.

Elle smiles, turning back as A NERVOUS 1L GIRL steps up.
NERVOUS 1L GIRL
Do you have to be blonde to sign up?




(CONTINUED)
9/1/2000 Revision (Blue) 117.
130 CONTINUED: 130


ELLE
Only blonde at heart.
(to the girl next to her)
Right?
Elle smiles and looks down at — the NEWLY BLONDE SARAH.
Sarah returns the smile as we PULL BACK to see a CROWD of
first year girls gathered around Elle's table, rushing to
sign up. Ready to be as blonde as they can be.
FADE OUT:
Genres: ["Comedy","Legal Drama"]

Summary During Harvard Law School's orientation, Elle, a second year law student and co-founder of the 'Blonde Legal Defense Club,' stands behind the club's table with Emmett. A nervous first year girl inquires if blonde hair is a requirement to join. Elle kindly explains that one only needs to be blonde at heart, gesturing towards their newly blonde friend Sarah. The first year girl's hesitation is quickly set aside, and she joins the growing crowd of first year students eagerly signing up for the club. The scene exudes a lighthearted and welcoming atmosphere, reflecting the excitement and sense of community among the incoming law students.
Strengths
  • Engaging plot
  • Witty dialogue
  • Surprising twist
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Stereotypical character traits

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is engaging, humorous, and has a surprising twist that keeps the audience interested.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using blonde stereotypes in a legal setting is unique and adds a comedic element to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a mix of humor, drama, and a surprising twist that resolves the case.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the law school setting by incorporating humor and challenging stereotypes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the story forward.

Character Changes: 8

Elle undergoes a significant change in her confidence and determination to win the case, leading to her success in the courtroom.

Internal Goal: 8

Elle's internal goal is to feel accepted and confident in her identity, despite the stereotypes associated with being blonde.

External Goal: 7

Elle's external goal is to attract new members to the Blonde Legal Defense Club and showcase its popularity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the courtroom scene, with the revelation of Chutney's confession adding a surprising twist.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is not strong, as the conflict is more lighthearted and character-driven rather than a major obstacle.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the courtroom scene, with Brooke's fate hanging in the balance and the revelation of Chutney's confession adding to the tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by resolving the case and setting up new challenges for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and character interactions that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between societal expectations of blondes and Elle's own self-assurance and intelligence. It challenges the stereotypes associated with appearance and intellect.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to tension to surprise.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty, humorous, and reveals the characters' personalities effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its witty dialogue, relatable characters, and humorous situations that keep the audience entertained.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions that maintain the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a character-driven comedy, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene is a sweet and satisfying conclusion to Elle's journey, but it could benefit from a stronger emotional connection to the characters and the stakes of the story.
  • The kiss between Elle and Emmett, while cute, feels a bit sudden and lacks the emotional payoff that the audience has been waiting for. Consider building up to this moment with more tension and longing between the characters.
  • The crowd of first-year girls gathering around the table is a nice visual, but it would be more impactful if we understood more about what the Blonde Legal Defense Club means to them. Is it a source of empowerment, a way to fit in, or something else entirely?
  • The scene could also benefit from a stronger connection to the themes and conflicts of the story. For example, how does the Blonde Legal Defense Club relate to Elle's struggles with sexism and discrimination in the legal profession? How does it tie into her journey towards self-acceptance and confidence?
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of tension or conflict between Elle and Emmett before they kiss. This could be something as simple as a misunderstanding or a moment of doubt, but it would help to build up the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Try to incorporate the Blonde Legal Defense Club more deeply into the story and the characters' motivations. This could be done through dialogue, visual cues, or even a brief flashback to Elle's earlier struggles with sexism and discrimination.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection or introspection for Elle, where she thinks about how far she's come and what she's learned on her journey. This could be a powerful way to tie together the themes and conflicts of the story and give the audience a sense of closure.
  • Think about the visual language of the scene and how it can be used to convey the emotions and themes of the story. For example, you could use lighting, color, or composition to emphasize the contrast between Elle's past struggles and her present success.