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Scene 1 -  Racist Rhetoric: A 1960s Propaganda Perspective
BLACK k KLANSMAN

Written by

Charlie Wachtel & David Rabinowitz

Based on The Book by Ron Stallworth



11/1/16 Draft




Revisions By

Kevin Willmott and Spike Lee

5/27/17

5/29/17

6/7/17

6/9/17

6/15/17

6/23/17

7/5/17

7/17/17




40 Acres And A Mule Filmworks Inc.
Da Republic of Brooklyn, New York
YA-DIG? SHO-NUFF
BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY
AND DAT'S DA BLACK POWER TRUTH, RUTH
1 FADE IN: 1

SCENE FROM "GONE WITH THE WIND"

Scarlett O'Hara, played by Vivian Leigh, walks through the
Thousands of injured Confederate Soldiers pulling back to
reveal the Famous Shot of the tattered Confederate Flag in
“Gone with the Wind” as The Max Stein Music Score swells from
Dixie to Taps.

RON STALLWORTH (V.O.)
They may have lost the Battle but
they didn't lose The War.

CUT TO:

A 1960'S EDUCATIONAL STYLE FILM

Shot on Grainy Black and White 16MM Reversal Film, The
NARRATOR BOVREGARD, a Middle Aged but handsome, White Male,
sits at a desk, a Confederate Flag on a stand beside him.
Very Official. He is not a Southerner and speaks with
Irticulation and intelligence.

BOVREGARD- KLAN NARRATOR
Yes, Friends, We are under attack.
You've read about it in your Local
Newspapers or seen it on The Evening
News. That's right. We're living in
an Era marked by the spread of
Integration and Miscegenation.

CUT TO:

FOOTAGE OF THE LITTLE ROCK NINE

being escorted into CENTRAL HIGH SCHOOL, Little Rock,
Arkansas by The National Guard.

BOVREGARD- KLAN NARRATOR
(V.O.)(CONT'D)
The recent Brown Decision forced upon
us by The Jewish controlled Puppets
on the U.S. Supreme Court compelling
White children to go to School with
an Inferior Race is The Final Nail in
a Black Coffin towards America
becoming a Mongrel Nation.

A QUICK SERIES OF IMAGES

Segregation Signs. Antebellum Photos. Happy Slaves in Old
Movies. Masters inspecting their Cotton and Tobacco with
their Slaves in The Fields. Blacks shining Shoes and working
as Butler's, Porters and Maids.


BOVREGARD- KLAN NARRATOR (V.O.)
(CONT'D)
We had a great way of Life before The
Martin Luther Coon's of The World...

CUT TO:

The Billboard of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. sitting in the
front row of a Classroom it reads: Martin Luther King in a
Communist Training School.

BOVREGARD- KLAN NARRATOR (CONT'D)
...and their Army of Commies started
their Civil Rights Assault on our
Holy White Christian Values.

CLOSE - BOVREGARD - KLAN NARRATOR

BOVREGARD- KLAN NARRATOR (CONT'D)
Do you really want your precious
White Child going to School with A
Negro.

Footage of Black and White Children playing together,
innocent.

Another Actor STONEWALL, KLAN CO-STAR, like the Narrator but
younger, stands by a Large Screen and points with his finger
at The Screen.

STONEWALL KLAN CO-STAR
They are Lying, Dirty Monkeys...

FOOTAGE and STILLS of Stereotype Blacks Coons, Bucks and
shining Black Mammies. Black Soldiers in D. W. Griffith's
"Birth of a Nation" pushing Whites around on the Street.

CLOSE - BOVREGARD

BOVREGARD- KLAN NARRATOR
...Stopping at nothing to gain
Equality with The White Man.

FOOTAGE of Willie Best Stuttering and Muttering in Grand Ole
Coon style. Klan Co-Star pointing at The Screen continuing
his List.

STONEWALL KLAN CO-STAR
Ape like, Backwards...

Images and Scientific charts of Blacks compared to Apes and
Monkeys.


CLOSE - BOVREGARD - KLAN NARRATOR

BOVREGARD- KLAN NARRATOR
...Craving The Virgin, Pure Flesh of
White Women.

LYNCH, The MULATTO, lusting after our LILLIAN GISH in "Birth
of a Nation." Other Lusting Images of Craving Black
Beasts!!! SEXUAL PREDATORS!!!

Stonewall The Klan Co-Star continues his List.

STONEWALL- KLAN CO-STAR
Rapists, Murderers...

KING KONG on Empire State Building with Fay Wray in his hand.
GUS in "Birth of a Nation" chasing a White Woman he wants to
Rape.

CLOSE - BOVREGARD - KLAN NARRATOR

A Stereotype illustration of Jews controlling Negroes.

BOVREGARD- KLAN NARRATOR
...and the Negro's insidious tactics
under the tutelage of High Ranking
Jews! Using an Army of outside...

Stonewall The Klan Co-Star continues.

STONEWALL- KLAN CO-STAR
...Northern Black Beast Agitators...

Footage of Blacks Marching on Washington.

CLOSE - BOVREGARD - KLAN NARRATOR.

BOVREGARD- KLAN NARRATOR
...determined to overthrow The God
Commanded and Biblically inspired
Rule of The White Race.

An image of an All-American White Nuclear Family.

The Klan Co-Star gives his Final Words.

KLAN CO-STAR
It's an International... Jewish...
Conspiracy.

The Corny Stinger of Music that goes with these Education and
Propaganda Films!




CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical","Social Issues"]

Summary The scene juxtaposes clips from 'Gone with the Wind' with a 1960s educational film narrated by Bovregard, who articulates the Klan's racist ideology and fears surrounding civil rights and integration. Stonewall, a younger Klan member, amplifies these hateful views, culminating in a portrayal of a supposed Jewish conspiracy against the white race. The tone is darkly satirical, highlighting the absurdity of the Klan's beliefs while presenting a chilling historical context.
Strengths
  • Powerful portrayal of racism and propaganda
  • Effective use of historical footage and narration
  • Strong emotional impact on the audience
Weaknesses
  • Overly dramatic dialogue at times
  • Heavy reliance on stereotypes and inflammatory language

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone and introduces the audience to the extreme views of the Klan, creating a strong emotional response.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using historical footage and educational style narration to depict the Klan's beliefs is innovative and powerful.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot doesn't advance significantly in this scene, it sets up the central conflict and themes of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring racism and white supremacy, using historical context and propaganda techniques to convey the insidious nature of discrimination.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene serve their purpose in conveying the Klan's ideology, with strong performances that evoke strong emotions.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the exposure to the Klan's propaganda sets the stage for potential character growth and conflict.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene may be to challenge and expose the racist beliefs and propaganda of the Ku Klux Klan, reflecting his deeper desire for justice and equality.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene may be to gather information or evidence to dismantle the Klan's operations or influence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the Klan's ideology and the values of equality and justice is palpable throughout the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, presenting the protagonist with challenging and dangerous beliefs that threaten his mission and values.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are established through the extreme beliefs and actions of the Klan, setting up a tense and dangerous environment for the characters.

Story Forward: 7

The scene sets up the central conflict and themes of the story, moving the narrative forward in terms of establishing the stakes and tone.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it confronts the audience with shocking and provocative imagery and dialogue, subverting expectations and challenging assumptions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between racist, white supremacist beliefs and the protagonist's values of equality, justice, and anti-discrimination.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene elicits strong emotions of anger, disgust, and fear, effectively engaging the audience with the subject matter.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is impactful in conveying the hateful beliefs of the Klan, but at times can feel overly dramatic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it challenges the audience's beliefs, evokes strong emotions, and propels the narrative forward with tension and conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, maintaining a steady rhythm that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene aligns with the expected style for its genre, utilizing visual cues and descriptive language to enhance the audience's understanding and immersion.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the themes and conflicts of the narrative, maintaining a cohesive and engaging flow.


Critique
  • The opening scene effectively sets the tone for the film by juxtaposing historical footage with Ron Stallworth's voiceover, establishing a strong thematic foundation regarding race and identity. However, the transition from 'Gone with the Wind' to the educational film could be smoother; a more explicit connection between the two could enhance the narrative flow.
  • The use of a voiceover is a powerful tool, but it risks becoming overly expository. While Ron's reflections are insightful, they could benefit from being more personal or emotional to create a deeper connection with the audience. Consider incorporating more of Ron's internal conflict or personal stakes regarding the issues presented.
  • The character of Bovregard, while representing the Klan's ideology, comes off as somewhat one-dimensional. Adding layers to his character, perhaps through subtle hints of doubt or conflict, could make the Klan's perspective more complex and engaging for the audience.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven; the rapid cuts between the narrator and historical footage can be jarring. A more deliberate pacing that allows the audience to absorb the weight of each image and statement could enhance the impact of the scene.
  • The use of derogatory language and racist imagery is effective in showcasing the Klan's ideology, but it risks alienating some viewers. Balancing this with moments of levity or irony could help maintain engagement without undermining the seriousness of the subject matter.
  • The visual style, described as grainy and reminiscent of 1960s educational films, is a strong choice that adds authenticity. However, consider how the cinematography can further enhance the emotional weight of the scene. For instance, using close-ups on the narrator's expressions or the reactions of the audience could deepen the viewer's connection.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Ron's personal reflection before the educational film begins, perhaps showing his initial reactions to the footage or his thoughts on the Klan's ideology, to ground the audience in his perspective.
  • Introduce a contrasting voice or perspective within the educational film, perhaps through a brief clip of civil rights activists, to create a more dynamic dialogue between opposing viewpoints.
  • Explore the possibility of using sound design to enhance the emotional impact of the scene. For example, layering ambient sounds from the historical footage with Ron's voiceover could create a more immersive experience.
  • Incorporate visual metaphors or symbolic imagery that reflects Ron's internal struggle with his identity and the societal issues at play, which could add depth to the narrative.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more poignant moment that foreshadows Ron's journey, such as a lingering shot on a specific image or a powerful line from the voiceover that encapsulates the film's central conflict.



Scene 2 -  Breaking Barriers: Ron's Interview
2 EXT. COLORADO SPRINGS AREA - DAY 2

Superimposed: 1972

An amazing contrast. The beautiful landscape of Colorado
Springs, the City sits nestled within the rugged Mountain
terrain. The majestic Pikes Peak, the jagged beauty of The
Garden of the Gods, The plush Broadmoor Resort, The Will
Rodgers Shrine of The Sun.

RON STALLWORTH (V.O.)
Before I moved to Colorado Springs,
I never thought much about all these
Racial, Political things...I was
asleep...

U.S. Army Troops Marching in Formation near the Sign Entry to
Fort Carson with Mountains in the background and the Entry to
NORAD (North American Air Defense Command) at Cheyenne Mountain.

CLOSE - RON STALLWORTH

Black, 21, Handsome, Intelligent, sporting a good sized Afro,
rebellious but straight laced by most 1970’s standards gets
out of his Ford Pinto staring at the cavernous opening to
Norad.

RON STALLWORTH (V.O.)(CONT'D)
...not Woke but that would soon
change.

3 INT. COLORADO SPRINGS CITY OFFICES - DAY 3

Ron stares at an Ad attached to a bulletin board.

CLOSE. THE AD READS:

JOIN THE COLORADO SPRINGS POLICE FORCE, MINORITIES ENCOURAGED
TO APPLY! Ron rips the Ad from the board.

4 INT. PERSONNEL OFFICE - COLORADO SPRINGS POLICE DEPT - DAY 4

A drab, white-walled office. Ron sits across the table from
The Assistant Chief of Personnel, MR. WOODS, Black, 40's,
business like but progressive and CHIEF TAGGERT, White,
smart, 50's, in a Police Uniform, a Man ready for change.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Would you call yourself a Womanizer?


RON STALLWORTH
No Sir, I would not.

MR. WOODS
Do you frequent Night Clubs?

RON STALLWORTH
No Sir.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Do you drink?

RON STALLWORTH
On Special occasions, Sir.

MR. WOODS
Have you ever done any Drugs?

RON STALLWORTH
Only those prescribed by My Doctor,
Sir.

Woods looks at The Chief.

MR. WOODS
That's kind of rare these days for a
young Hip Guy like you.

RON STALLWORTH
I know but my Father was in The
Military and I was raised up that
way, Sir.

CHIEF TAGGERT
How are you with people, generally?

RON STALLWORTH
Sir, they treat me right, I treat
them right, like I already said I was
raised...

CHIEF TAGGERT
...Have you ever had any negative...

Mr. Woods jumps in, impatient.

MR. WOODS
...What would you do if another Cop
called you a Nigger?

Ron goes silent. Chief Taggert looks at him. Woods waits, Ron
doesn't know how to respond, finally. Woods leans forward.


MR. WOODS (CONT'D)
There's never been a Black Cop in
this City. If we make you an Officer,
you would, in effect, be the Jackie
Robinson of the Colorado Springs
Police force.

Mr. Woods lets this sink in.

MR. WOODS (CONT'D)
And if you know anything about Jackie
Robinson you know he had to take a
lot of... guff... from his fellow
Teammates, from Fans, other Teams,
and The Press.

RON STALLWORTH
I know Jackie's Story, Sir.

MR. WOODS
Good. So, knowing that, when someone
calls you Nigger will you be able to
turn the other Cheek?

Ron evaluates the hard reality of the question. Decides.

RON STALLWORTH
If I need to, yes, Sir.

MR. WOODS
Good. We think you might be The Man
to open things up here. Chief Taggert
here will be your Branch Rickey.

Ron looks at Chief Taggert.

CHIEF TAGGERT
I'll have your back but I can only do
so much. The Weight of this is on
You...and You alone.

Ron weighs The Journey ahead.

5 OMITTED 5
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In 1972 Colorado Springs, Ron Stallworth, a 21-year-old Black man, reflects on his past ignorance of racial issues as he interviews to become the first Black officer in the local police force. After removing a racially insensitive advertisement, he faces tough questions from Assistant Chief Woods and Chief Taggert about handling racism. Despite the weight of responsibility and the challenges ahead, Ron demonstrates his determination to bring change, leaving the scene with a contemplative mindset about his future in law enforcement.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Historical context
Weaknesses
  • Lack of visual action
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the historical context and introduces the main character, highlighting the racial tensions and challenges he will face. The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, setting the tone for the rest of the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of racial integration in law enforcement during the 1970s is compelling and sets the stage for exploring important social issues. The scene effectively introduces this concept and sets up the protagonist's journey.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is engaging and sets up the central conflict of the story, focusing on the protagonist's struggle to break down racial barriers in the police force. The scene effectively moves the story forward and establishes the stakes for the character.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of racial equality and societal change, with authentic character interactions and dialogue that feel true to the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with the protagonist showing determination and internal conflict in the face of adversity. The dialogue reveals important aspects of the characters' personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a significant change in the scene, as he accepts the challenge of being the first black police officer and commits to facing the obstacles ahead. His determination and resilience are evident in his responses to the interview questions.

Internal Goal: 9

Ron's internal goal is to navigate the racial and societal challenges he faces as a black man trying to become a police officer. This reflects his deeper desire for equality and justice.

External Goal: 8

Ron's external goal is to become a police officer and break barriers as the first black cop in Colorado Springs. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in a predominantly white police force.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the protagonist grapples with the challenges of being the first black police officer in Colorado Springs. The tension is palpable as he navigates the expectations and prejudices of his colleagues.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing difficult questions and challenges that test his resolve.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the protagonist confronts the reality of being the first black police officer in a predominantly white police force. The challenges he faces and the expectations placed on him create a sense of urgency and importance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing the protagonist and setting up the central conflict. The audience gains insight into the character's motivations and the challenges he will face, setting the stage for the rest of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected challenges and conflicts faced by the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle between racial equality and societal norms. Ron is faced with the challenge of being the first black cop in a city that has never had one before, highlighting the clash between progress and tradition.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, drawing the audience into the protagonist's struggle and determination. The themes of racial tension and social change evoke a sense of empathy and reflection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful and thought-provoking, effectively conveying the themes of racial tension and social change. The interactions between the characters reveal their personalities and motivations, driving the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional depth, and strong character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and highlighting key character moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup of the protagonist's goals and challenges.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting and context for Ron Stallworth's character, highlighting the racial dynamics of the time. The contrast between the picturesque Colorado Springs and the underlying racial tensions is well-done, setting the stage for the conflict to come.
  • Ron’s voiceover provides insight into his character's journey from ignorance to awareness, which is a strong narrative device. However, the transition from the voiceover to the visual elements could be smoother to maintain the audience's engagement.
  • The dialogue during the interview is realistic and captures the tension of the moment. However, the pacing feels a bit rushed, particularly in the interview section. Allowing for more pauses or reactions could enhance the emotional weight of the conversation.
  • The use of Jackie Robinson as a metaphor is powerful, but it could be further developed. The comparison could be deepened by exploring Ron's feelings about this legacy, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a more reflective response.
  • The scene introduces important characters, but their motivations and personalities could be fleshed out more. For instance, Chief Taggert's character could benefit from a line or two that hints at his own struggles with the department's racial dynamics, making him more relatable and complex.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ron reflects on his feelings about being the first Black officer, perhaps through a brief flashback or a more detailed internal monologue, to deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • Enhance the pacing of the dialogue by incorporating more pauses or reactions from Ron and the interviewers, allowing the weight of their questions and Ron's responses to resonate more with the audience.
  • Explore the dynamics between Ron and the other characters more thoroughly. For example, a brief exchange between Woods and Taggert about their own experiences could add depth to their characters and the challenges they face.
  • Incorporate visual elements that symbolize Ron's internal conflict, such as close-ups of his expressions during the interview, to convey his emotional state more effectively.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more subtext, allowing the characters to convey their thoughts and feelings indirectly, which can create a more engaging and layered conversation.



Scene 3 -  Confronting Prejudice
6 EXT. DOWNTOWN COLORADO SPRINGS - DAY 6

Ron in full Uniform walks The Beat. The Cap fits but creates
Afro Puffs with his Hair which was the style back then. White
Citizens pass him on the street smiling, some surprised, some
leery of the sight. Ron nods, smiles to everyone.


7 INT. RECORDS ROOM - CSPD - DAY 7

Ron sorts a file cabinet of records as OFFICER CLOUGHERTY,
60's, White, sits on a stool, reading a Magazine clearly
looking at a Photo of something good.

OFFICER CLOUGHERTY
Ron...

Ron looks up from the filing. Officer Clougherty holds the
Magazine up and shows a Photo to Ron.

OFFICER CLOUGHERTY (CONT'D)
Whatdoyouthink?

Ron looks at the Photo of the Actress Faye Dunaway.

RON STALLWORTH
Faye Dunaway. She was great in Bonnie
and Clyde.

OFFICER CLOUGHERTY
Yeah, but ah, what you think?

RON STALLWORTH
She's a very good Actress.

OFFICER CLOUGHERTY
Y'know you want some of that.

Ron ignores it.

OFFICER CLOUGHERTY (CONT'D)
Truth be told when I see one of your
kind with a White Woman it turns my
Stomach.

RON STALLWORTH
Yeah. Why's that?

OFFICER CLOUGHERTY
He could only want one thing.

RON STALLWORTH
What would that be?

OFFICER CLOUGHERTY
You like acting dumb, Y'know.

RON STALLWORTH
No, I just like my questions to be
answered.

A VOICE of a UNIFORMED COP WHEATON calls from the other side
of the Counter.


WHEATON (O.S.)
Hey! Anybody in there? Looking for a
Toad here.

Ron walks to the Counter to see The White and sleep-deprived
Cop impatiently leaning on his elbows.

WHEATON
Get me the record for this Toad named
Raymond Jackson.

Ron pulls up the File for Raymond Jackson. The Photo shows a
Black Man in his twenties.

WHEATON
While you're at it, why don't you
grab another Toad... Steven Wilson.

Ron pulls the File... another young Black Male, ANOTHER
SEXUAL PREDATOR.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary In downtown Colorado Springs, Officer Ron Stallworth navigates mixed reactions from white citizens while sorting through files at the police department. He confronts Officer Clougherty's racist comments about interracial relationships, challenging his prejudiced views. The tension escalates when Officer Wheaton interrupts, requesting files on two young Black men labeled as sexual predators, highlighting the ongoing racial dynamics within the department.
Strengths
  • Powerful portrayal of racial tensions
  • Strong character development
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Use of derogatory language may be triggering for some audiences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the racial tensions and challenges faced by the protagonist, creating a tense and confrontational atmosphere that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of exploring racial prejudices within law enforcement is compelling and adds depth to the character development.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by highlighting the challenges faced by the protagonist in a racially charged environment, setting up future conflicts and character growth.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring racism in a historical context, with authentic character actions and dialogue that reflect the systemic issues of the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with the protagonist facing internal and external conflicts that drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 9

The protagonist undergoes internal changes as he navigates the racial dynamics of his environment, leading to potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and professionalism in the face of racism and discrimination. It reflects his deeper need for acceptance and respect in a predominantly white police force.

External Goal: 7

Ron's external goal is to efficiently handle the task of sorting through records and assisting his colleagues, despite facing racial microaggressions and discrimination.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict between the protagonist and his colleagues, as well as the racial tensions depicted, creates a high level of conflict that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Officer Clougherty's racist remarks creating a challenging and uncomfortable situation for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are present due to the protagonist's position as the first Black officer in the department, facing racial prejudices and potential dangers.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the protagonist's struggles and setting up future conflicts and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected racist remarks from Officer Clougherty, adding tension and conflict to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Ron's belief in equality and professionalism, and Officer Clougherty's racist beliefs and attitudes. This challenges Ron's values and worldview, highlighting the systemic racism present in society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions due to its portrayal of racial prejudices and the challenges faced by the protagonist.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the racial tensions and prejudices present in the scene, adding depth to the character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a compelling conflict and showcases the protagonist's resilience in the face of discrimination, keeping the audience invested in the character's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and maintains the audience's interest through well-timed character interactions and dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene transitions and character interactions that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the racial tension and prejudice that Ron Stallworth faces as the first Black officer in the Colorado Springs Police Department. The mixed reactions from white citizens as he walks the beat serve to highlight the societal divide and set the tone for the challenges he will encounter.
  • The dialogue between Ron and Officer Clougherty is a strong representation of the overt racism present in the police force. However, Clougherty's comments about interracial relationships could be more nuanced to reflect the complexity of the characters and their beliefs. As it stands, Clougherty comes off as a one-dimensional antagonist rather than a fully realized character.
  • Ron’s responses to Clougherty's comments are clever and assertive, showcasing his intelligence and composure in the face of prejudice. However, the scene could benefit from more internal conflict or emotional depth from Ron, allowing the audience to connect with his struggles on a more personal level.
  • The introduction of Officer Wheaton adds another layer to the scene, but his character feels somewhat underdeveloped. His impatience and the way he refers to the young Black men as 'Toads' reinforces the dehumanization present in the police department, yet it would be beneficial to explore his character further to provide a more rounded perspective on the systemic issues at play.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally effective, but the transition from Ron's interaction with Clougherty to Wheaton's request feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and maintain the audience's engagement.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to Officer Clougherty's character. Perhaps he has moments of vulnerability or conflict that reveal why he holds such prejudiced views, making him a more complex antagonist.
  • Incorporate Ron's internal thoughts or feelings during the exchanges with Clougherty and Wheaton. This could provide insight into his emotional state and the weight of the situation he is navigating.
  • Enhance the transition between Ron's conversation with Clougherty and Wheaton's entrance. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help maintain the scene's momentum.
  • Explore the dynamics of the police department further by introducing additional officers who may have differing views on race. This could create a more nuanced portrayal of the environment Ron is working in.
  • Consider using more descriptive language to convey the atmosphere of the records room and the reactions of the characters. This could help immerse the audience in the setting and enhance the emotional impact of the scene.



Scene 4 -  Confronting Authority
8 INT. CSPD HALLWAY - DAY 8

Chief Taggert strides down the hall with SGT. TRAPP a soft-
spoken White Man in his 40's, they are discussing a File. Ron
suddenly appears walking with them.

RON STALLWORTH
While I've got you both here. Sirs,
I'd like to be an Undercover
Detective.

Chief Taggert and Sgt. Trapp both stop.

CHIEF TAGGERT
What Narcotics?

RON STALLWORTH
Whatever Department works, Sir.

SGT. TRAPP
You just joined The Force, Son.

RON STALLWORTH
I know, Sir but I think I could do
some good there.

SGT. TRAPP
How so?

RON STALLWORTH
Well, I'm young. I think there's a
niche for me. Get In where I can Fit
In.


SGT. TRAPP
What do you think, Chief?

Sgt. Trapp sees the logic, looks to Chief Taggert, who stops,
considering.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Think a lot of yourself, don't cha?

RON STALLWORTH
Just trying to be of help, Sir.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
Plus, I hate working in The Records
room.

Sgt. Trapp reacts knowing Ron shouldn't have said that about
the Records Room. CHIEF TAGGERT looks at Ron, matter of fact.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Well, I think Records is a good place
for you to start.

Chief Taggert walks off without another word. SGT. TRAPP
gives a knowing look to Ron, who watches them walk away.

9 INT. RECORDS ROOM - CSPD - DAY 9

Ron behind the Counter. A SERGEANT MORRIS, White, Mid-30's, a
regular guy but there is something dangerous there, steps up.

SGT. MORRIS
Need a File on a Toad.

Ron doesn't respond.

SGT. MORRIS (CONT'D)
You Deaf? I said I need info on a
Toad.

RON STALLWORTH
No Toads here.

SGT. MORRIS
Excuse me?

RON STALLWORTH
I said, I don't have any Toads. I do
have Human Beings and if you give me
their names I can pull the Files.

Sgt. Morris scowls. Ron stares back at him, Eye to Eye.


SGT. MORRIS
Heard you think you Hot Shit but you
ain't nuthin' but a Cold Fart. Name's
Maurice, Maurice Smalls...That
respectful enough for you, Officer
Toad.

Ron pulls The File, throws it down on the Counter. As Sgt.
Morris takes The File, Ron puts his hand on it, stopping him.

RON STALLWORTH
Let me tell you something Sergeant.
The day of the Toads in The Records
Room is over. You want to find a
Toad... go look in the water out at
Rainbow Falls. They got them there.

Sgt. Morris snatches The File from the Counter and storms
off. A Bad Ass Ron watches him go.

RON STALLWORTH (V.O.)
In reality, I didn't say anything.

CUT TO:

Here is THE ACTUAL EXCHANGE. Sgt. Morris gives a cocky sneer
to Ron and SNATCHES the Folder from him.

RON STALLWORTH (V.O.)(CONT'D)
I did it the Jackie Robinson Way and
swallowed Racial Justice for The
Bigger goal of keeping The Peace and
moving The Baserunner around The
Bases... but I wanted to lay his Ass
out but I pushed my anger down, kept
it to myself.

The Sergeant struts away. Ron watches shaking inside with
Rage.

RON STALLWORTH (V.O.)(CONT'D)
It's No wonder Jackie died at Age 53,
hair White as Snow. God Bless His
Soul.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary In a tense scene at the CSPD, Ron Stallworth approaches Chief Taggert and Sgt. Trapp, eager to become an undercover detective, but is dismissed and assigned to the Records room. There, he faces Sgt. Morris, who demands a file with disrespect. Ron stands his ground, asserting his dignity despite the racial tension and internal struggle he feels. The scene highlights Ron's ambition clashing with the dismissive attitudes of his superiors, ending with him suppressing his anger as he watches Morris walk away.
Strengths
  • Strong dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Exploration of racial tensions
Weaknesses
  • Potential for deeper emotional exploration
  • Subtlety in execution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the challenges Ron faces as a trailblazer in the police force, with strong dialogue and character dynamics that create tension and showcase his resilience. However, there are moments where the execution could be more nuanced to enhance the emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Ron navigating a predominantly white police force as a Black officer is compelling and drives the scene forward. It explores themes of racism, resilience, and the desire for change within a challenging environment.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses as Ron expresses his ambition to become an undercover detective and faces discrimination in the records room. These events contribute to his character development and set the stage for future conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on police procedural dramas by focusing on a rookie officer's struggles and ambitions within a bureaucratic system. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are believable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, particularly Ron and Sgt. Morris, are well-defined and their interactions reveal their motivations and conflicts. Ron's defiance and Sgt. Morris's antagonistic behavior create tension and drive the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Ron experiences a subtle shift in his approach to handling discrimination, showing growth in his resilience and determination. However, the change could be more pronounced to reflect his evolving character.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron Stallworth's internal goal is to prove himself and make a difference in the police force. He wants to be seen as capable and valuable, despite his newness to the job.

External Goal: 7.5

Ron Stallworth's external goal is to become an undercover detective and work in a different department within the police force.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Ron and Sgt. Morris, as well as the internal conflict Ron faces in suppressing his anger, adds tension to the scene. It highlights the racial tensions and power struggles within the police department.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with experienced officers questioning Ron's abilities and pushing back against his ambitions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Ron navigates a hostile work environment, striving to make a difference while facing discrimination and prejudice. His success as a trailblazer in the police force is at risk, adding tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Ron's ambitions, the racial tensions within the police department, and the challenges he faces as a Black officer. It sets the stage for future conflicts and character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected reactions and decisions made by the characters, adding tension and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Ron's desire to make a positive impact and the resistance he faces from more experienced officers who question his abilities and motives.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of anger, resilience, and defiance through Ron's interactions with Sgt. Morris. While the emotional impact is strong, there is room for deeper exploration of Ron's internal struggles.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the power dynamics and conflicts between characters, especially in Ron's confrontations with Sgt. Morris. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the themes of racism and resilience.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the conflict between characters, the protagonist's determination, and the suspenseful dialogue.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through well-timed dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a police procedural genre, with clear character introductions, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the power dynamics within the police department, showcasing Ron's ambition and the resistance he faces as a Black officer. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the tension and urgency of Ron's request to become an undercover detective. Some exchanges feel a bit too casual given the serious context of racial discrimination and Ron's aspirations.
  • The character of Sgt. Morris is introduced as a potential antagonist, but his motivations and background are not fully fleshed out. This could lead to a more compelling conflict if the audience understood why he holds such disdain for Ron. Adding a line or two that hints at his history or biases could deepen the character.
  • The use of voiceover from Ron adds an introspective layer to the scene, but it could be more impactful if it were integrated more seamlessly with the action. The transition between the dialogue and the voiceover feels abrupt, which can disrupt the flow of the scene. Consider using the voiceover to enhance the emotional stakes during the confrontation with Sgt. Morris rather than as a separate commentary afterward.
  • The metaphor of 'Toads' is an interesting choice, but it may not resonate with all viewers. It could benefit from a clearer explanation or a more relatable analogy that ties back to Ron's experiences or the broader themes of the story. This would help ensure that the audience fully grasps the significance of the term in the context of Ron's struggle.
  • The scene ends with Ron feeling rage but choosing to suppress it, which is a powerful moment. However, it could be more visually represented through Ron's body language or facial expressions. Showing his internal conflict through subtle physical cues would enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more concise and impactful, particularly in Ron's exchanges with Chief Taggert and Sgt. Trapp. This will help maintain the scene's tension and urgency.
  • Develop Sgt. Morris's character further by adding a line or two that hints at his background or biases, which would provide context for his antagonism towards Ron.
  • Integrate Ron's voiceover more fluidly with the action, perhaps by having it overlap with key moments in the dialogue, to enhance the emotional stakes and maintain the scene's flow.
  • Consider replacing the 'Toads' metaphor with a more relatable analogy that connects to Ron's experiences or the overarching themes of the screenplay, ensuring clarity for the audience.
  • Enhance Ron's internal conflict by incorporating more physical expressions of his emotions, such as clenched fists or a tense posture, to visually convey his struggle with anger and restraint.



Scene 5 -  A New Assignment
10 INT. RON'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MORNING 10

As Ron sleeps, a phone rings. Ron snaps awake and grabs at
the phone on the night table.

RON STALLWORTH
Hello.

CHIEF TAGGERT (O.S.)
It's Taggert. You sleeping?


RON STALLWORTH
Yes, Chief, I was. Just worked a
Night Shift.

CHIEF TAGGERT (O.S.)
I changed my mind, you're gonna come
in a little earlier today. We've got
an assignment for you. 12 Noon.
Sharp. Narcotics Division. Wear
Street clothes.

RON STALLWORTH
Yes Sir, see you then. Thank You.
Thank You.

Ron sits up in Bed, excited, thinking about the challenge
ahead.

11 INT. CSPD - NARCOTICS DIVISION - DAY 11

Ron, dressed in Bell-Bottoms and a Hip Italian Knit Shirt,
Marshmallow Shoes steps inside the Narcotics office, which is
literally The Basement of The Station. He looks around at The
Area Buzzing with Activity and sees

ANGLE - UNDERCOVER COPS

at their desks. Looking less like Cops and more like unkempt
Hippies or Rock N' Rollers.

CLOSE - RON

just stands there looking at all the activity.

CLOSE - CHIEF TAGGERT

waves Ron back to the rear of The Room for privacy.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Stallworth.

CLOSE - CHUCK

late 20's, long hair, looks like anything but a Cop, he
however is somewhat of a closed-off guy, all business, Ron
sits across from him. Chief Taggert steps before them.

CHIEF TAGGERT (CONT'D)
We've got limited time so I'll be
quick. That Black Radical Stokely
Carmichael is giving a Speech Tonight
at Bell's Nightingale.

Ron is surprised at this.


RON STALLWORTH
The Nightclub?

CHIEF TAGGERT
The only Black Nightclub in Town.

Chuck just listens.

CHIEF TAGGERT (CONT'D)
Carmichael is a former High Muckity-
Muck with The Black Panthers and as
far as I'm concerned, FBI Director J.
Edgar Hoover was dead right when he
said The Black Panthers is The
Greatest Internal Threat to The
Security of these United States. This
Carmichael Guy, former Panther or
not, they say he's a Damn Good
Speaker and we don't want this
Carmichael getting into The Minds of
our Good Negroes stirred up here in
Colorado Springs.

Ron's face cringes at Chief Taggert's words. He steps to Ron.

CHIEF TAGGERT (CONT'D)
Ron, your assignment is to go to this
Rally tonight and infiltrate these
Bunch of Subversive's and monitor The
Audience reaction to Carmichael's
speech. You ready?

Chuck and Chief Taggert stare at Ron.

RON STALLWORTH
Born Ready.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Historical"]

Summary Ron Stallworth receives an early morning call from Chief Taggert, who assigns him to infiltrate a rally featuring Stokely Carmichael, highlighting the perceived threat of the Black Panthers. Excited for the challenge, Ron arrives at the Narcotics Division office, where he grapples with Taggert's prejudiced views while preparing for his mission. The scene captures Ron's eagerness and the tension of his assignment, culminating in his confident declaration that he is 'Born Ready.'
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Compelling conflict
Weaknesses
  • Potentially controversial subject matter
  • Stereotypical portrayal of Black radicals

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up a pivotal moment in the plot by introducing a dangerous undercover mission that adds tension and intrigue to the story. It also delves into the complexities of race relations and the protagonist's internal conflict, making it a compelling and important scene in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of sending a Black police officer to infiltrate a Black radical rally is a bold and thought-provoking idea that raises important questions about identity, loyalty, and the role of law enforcement in society. It adds layers of complexity to the story and sets the stage for compelling character development.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the overall story by introducing a significant undercover assignment that will have far-reaching consequences for the protagonist and the narrative. It sets up future conflicts and challenges while deepening the themes of race and politics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the police procedural genre by exploring themes of race, activism, and undercover work in a historical setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Ron Stallworth and Chief Taggert, are well-developed and engaging. Their interactions reveal their conflicting ideologies and motivations, adding depth to their personalities and setting up future character arcs.

Character Changes: 8

Ron Stallworth undergoes a significant character change in the scene as he is faced with a challenging undercover assignment that forces him to confront his own beliefs and values. His determination and resolve are tested, setting the stage for future character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself capable and ready for the assignment given to him by Chief Taggert. This reflects his desire to excel in his job and make a positive impression.

External Goal: 9

Ron's external goal is to infiltrate a rally and monitor the audience's reaction to Stokely Carmichael's speech. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in his assignment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as Ron Stallworth grapples with his assignment to infiltrate a Black radical rally while navigating the racial tensions within the police department. The conflicting ideologies and motivations of the characters create a tense and dramatic atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Ron is faced with a challenging assignment that goes against his beliefs and values, setting up potential conflicts and obstacles for him to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Ron Stallworth is tasked with infiltrating a Black radical rally and monitoring the audience's reaction to a controversial speech. The potential risks and consequences of the assignment add tension and urgency to the narrative, raising the stakes for the protagonist.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a crucial undercover assignment that will have lasting consequences for the protagonist and the narrative. It sets up future conflicts, challenges, and character arcs while deepening the themes of race, politics, and identity.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a new assignment for the protagonist that challenges his beliefs and values, setting up potential conflicts and twists in the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between law enforcement's perspective on the Black Panthers and the civil rights movement, as represented by Stokely Carmichael. This challenges Ron's beliefs about race, activism, and his role as a police officer.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, concern, and determination in the audience. The high-stakes nature of the undercover assignment and the racial tensions at play add depth and complexity to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the tension and conflict between the characters. Chief Taggert's provocative statements and Ron Stallworth's determined responses create a compelling dynamic that drives the scene forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it sets up a high-stakes assignment for the protagonist, introduces tension between characters, and hints at potential conflicts to come.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, moving the story forward while allowing for character development and setting establishment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a police procedural genre, with clear character introductions, setting descriptions, and a setup for the upcoming conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes Ron's excitement and the urgency of his new assignment, but it could benefit from deeper character exploration. While we see Ron's enthusiasm, we don't get much insight into his internal thoughts or feelings about the assignment, especially given the charged political context surrounding Stokely Carmichael and the Black Panthers.
  • The dialogue between Ron and Chief Taggert feels somewhat expository, particularly in Taggert's description of Carmichael and the Black Panthers. While it's important to convey the stakes, the dialogue could be more natural and less like a history lesson. Consider incorporating more subtext or personal anecdotes that reveal Taggert's biases without overtly stating them.
  • The visual descriptions, such as Ron's outfit and the setting of the Narcotics Division, are vivid but could be enhanced by showing how these elements reflect Ron's character or the broader themes of the story. For instance, the contrast between Ron's attire and the undercover cops could symbolize his dual identity as both a police officer and a Black man navigating a racially charged environment.
  • The scene lacks tension or conflict beyond the assignment itself. While the stakes are high, the interaction between Ron and Taggert could be more charged, perhaps by having Ron push back against Taggert's views or express his concerns about the assignment in a more confrontational manner. This would add depth to their relationship and highlight the racial dynamics at play.
  • The closing line, 'Born Ready,' is a strong moment that encapsulates Ron's confidence, but it could be more impactful if it followed a moment of doubt or hesitation. This would create a more dynamic character arc, showing Ron's growth from uncertainty to readiness.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief internal monologue for Ron after he hangs up the phone with Taggert to explore his feelings about the assignment and the implications of infiltrating a rally for a Black activist.
  • Revise Taggert's dialogue to include more nuanced language that reveals his biases without being overly explicit. This could be achieved through sarcasm or dismissive comments that reflect his worldview.
  • Incorporate visual metaphors that connect Ron's clothing and the setting to the themes of identity and conflict, perhaps by contrasting his outfit with the more casual attire of the undercover cops.
  • Introduce a moment of tension between Ron and Taggert, where Ron challenges Taggert's views or expresses his concerns about the assignment, showcasing the complexities of their relationship and the racial dynamics at play.
  • Consider adding a moment of vulnerability for Ron before he delivers the 'Born Ready' line, perhaps by showing him reflecting on the risks involved or the weight of the assignment, making his confidence feel earned and more resonant.



Scene 6 -  Undercover Preparations
12 INT. NARCOTICS DIVISION - CSPD - NIGHT 12

Ron stands, his shirt off, as Chuck wires a Wireless
Transmitter and Microphone to his body. Another Narcotics
Cop, JIMMY ROSE, 30's, observe the instillation.

RON STALLWORTH
Any chance this thing Fucks Up?

JIMMY
A good chance.

RON STALLWORTH
Then what?

CHUCK
Just stick to The Game Plan.


RON STALLWORTH
Which is?

CHUCK
Improvise. Like Jazz. This isn't some
Big Bust. We just want some Intel,
that's it.

JIMMY
What happens if someone offers you a
Marijuana Cigarette?

RON STALLWORTH
You mean a Joint?

JIMMY
Yeah.

RON STALLWORTH
"Soul Brother, I'm already High on
Life. Can you Dig It?"

JIMMY
And if someone pulls a Gun on you?

Ron is caught off guard.

RON STALLWORTH
You expecting that?

Jimmy pulls his Gun points it in Ron's face.

JIMMY
Barrel of a 45's in your face, Finger
on the Trigger, now what?

Chuck sighs.

RON STALLWORTH
Blood, get that Gun out my face.
Peace Love and Soul.

Jimmy still holds it there.

CHUCK
Drop it.

He lowers gun. Ron gives Jimmy a wary look speaking to Chuck.

RON STALLWORTH
I de-escalate. Talk calmly, firmly.
Find a way out of there, A-Sap.

Jimmy nods, satisfied. Chuck is finished with The Wiring. Ron
takes a deep breath.


CHUCK
Relax, we'll be outside, listening
in.

RON STALLWORTH
Can I order a Drink at The Bar?

Chuck steps away, no comment.

JIMMY
That's fine, just don't get Shit
Face.

CHUCK
Got it?

RON STALLWORTH
I got it. I'm gone.

Jimmy laughs, Slaps Ron on the back.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary In a tense yet humorous scene at the Colorado Springs Police Department, Ron Stallworth is wired for an undercover operation by Chuck, while Jimmy Rose tests his composure by pointing a gun at him. Despite his initial concerns about the equipment and potential dangers, Ron maintains a calm demeanor, emphasizing de-escalation. The conversation shifts to Ron's ability to navigate social situations, like ordering a drink, with Jimmy playfully cautioning him against getting drunk. The scene concludes with Ron feeling prepared and confident as he gets ready to leave.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension building
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Slight predictability in some interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances tension, humor, and character development. It sets up the upcoming undercover operation while showcasing Ron's wit and composure under pressure.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an undercover assignment in a tense environment is well-executed, providing insight into the challenges faced by Ron Stallworth as a Black officer in a predominantly white police department.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses effectively, setting up the undercover operation and highlighting the racial dynamics within the police department. It adds depth to Ron's character and the challenges he faces.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to a familiar police procedural setting by focusing on communication and de-escalation tactics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Ron Stallworth's quick thinking and defiance standing out. The interactions between Ron, Chuck, and Jimmy add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Ron Stallworth's character undergoes a subtle change as he prepares for the undercover assignment, showcasing his determination and quick thinking in the face of potential danger.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to remain calm and de-escalate potentially dangerous situations. This reflects his desire for peace and safety, as well as his ability to think quickly under pressure.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather intelligence without getting caught or escalating the situation. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining cover and avoiding suspicion.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from the racial dynamics within the police department and the tension of the upcoming undercover operation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the potential for violence and conflict adding suspense and uncertainty to the protagonist's actions.

High Stakes: 8

The scene conveys a high level of stakes, both in terms of the racial tensions within the police department and the potential dangers of the upcoming undercover assignment.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the undercover operation and establishing the racial dynamics within the police department. It adds depth to the narrative and Ron's character.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden shift from calm conversation to a tense confrontation, keeping the audience unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between using peaceful communication to resolve conflicts and the potential for violence in dangerous situations. This challenges the protagonist's belief in non-violence and the importance of de-escalation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a moderate emotional impact, primarily through the tension and humor in the interactions between the characters. It sets the stage for the emotional stakes of the undercover assignment.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, blending humor with tension. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and the high stakes of the undercover assignment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its quick pacing, sharp dialogue, and escalating tension that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension through quick dialogue exchanges and escalating stakes.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear character actions and dialogue cues that enhance the pacing and tension.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense, suspenseful moment in a police procedural, with clear character dynamics and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension and stakes involved in Ron's undercover operation, particularly through the dialogue between Ron, Chuck, and Jimmy. However, the humor in the dialogue sometimes undermines the gravity of the situation, especially when discussing the potential for violence. This could be balanced better to maintain the tension while still allowing for character moments.
  • The use of informal language and slang, such as 'Soul Brother' and 'Shit Face,' adds authenticity to the characters and their camaraderie. However, it may also risk alienating some viewers who are not familiar with the vernacular of the time. Consider incorporating a mix of colloquial and more universal language to ensure accessibility.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the transition from the humorous banter to the serious discussion about potential violence feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • Ron’s character is well-defined through his responses and demeanor, showcasing his calmness and ability to de-escalate tense situations. However, the scene could benefit from a moment of introspection or vulnerability from Ron, allowing the audience to connect more deeply with his internal conflict about the risks he is taking.
  • The visual description of Ron being wired up is effective in creating a sense of vulnerability and anticipation. However, the scene could be enhanced by including more sensory details, such as the sounds of the bustling narcotics division or the atmosphere in the room, to immerse the audience further.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ron reflects on the risks of the operation, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue, to deepen the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Balance the humor with the seriousness of the situation by allowing for a moment of silence or tension after the gun is pointed at Ron, emphasizing the potential danger he faces.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere, such as the sounds of the narcotics division or the physical sensations Ron experiences while being wired up.
  • Explore the dynamics between Ron, Chuck, and Jimmy further by adding a line or two that highlights their camaraderie or shared history, which could enhance the emotional weight of their interactions.
  • Consider refining the dialogue to ensure that it maintains a balance between authenticity and accessibility, potentially by using a mix of colloquial language and more universally understood phrases.



Scene 7 -  A Night of Connection
13 EXT. CITY STREET - OUTSKIRTS OF DOWNTOWN - NIGHT 13

Ron pulls an unmarked Sedan to the curb. He gets out and
looks around.

A Crowded sidewalk overflows into The Street, filling a line
that Bottlenecks into The Club with the Sign:

CLOSE SIGN - BELL'S NIGHTINGALE

ANGLE - TONIGHT: KWAME TURE SPEAKS

Ron walks to the back of the line. He becomes an Every
Brother slowly moving forward as People enter. As he moves
forward he notice a striking Woman at the Front Door.

PATRICE DUMAS

Mid 20's, an Angela Davis Afro, she wears a Hip array of
Militant wear, Black Leather Jacket, Love Beads but on her it
looks fantastic. Ron is taken by her Beauty, he watches as
she monitors the door, clearly in charge.

RON STALLWORTH
How are you doing, my Queen?

Patrice gives Ron a good look summing him up.

PATRICE
I'm doing fine, my Soldier. This is
going to be an Amazing Night.

RON STALLWORTH
Indeed it is.


PATRICE
Have you heard Brother Kwame speak
before?

RON STALLWORTH
Who?

PATRICE
Kwame Ture.

RON STALLWORTH
Actually, I haven't, I didn't know he
changed his name.

PATRICE
Yes, after he moved to Africa. He
took the names of Kwame Nkrumahm of
Ghana and his Mentor Sekou Toure of
Guinea to honor The Great Leaders.

RON STALLWORTH
That's Heavy. I can dig that. Do you
know how he got to Colorado Springs?

PATRICE
The Colorado College Black Student
Union brought him in.

RON STALLWORTH
You ah, you with Black Student Union.

PATRICE
I'm The President.

RON STALLWORTH
Right On. Right On.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary Ron Stallworth arrives at a bustling club for Kwame Ture's speech and strikes up a conversation with Patrice Dumas, the confident President of the Black Student Union. They bond over their shared interests and admiration for the event, establishing a playful rapport as they discuss Ture's significance. The scene captures the upbeat atmosphere and the budding connection between Ron and Patrice, ending with Ron expressing his admiration for her leadership.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Relevant thematic exploration
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character change in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively sets up the tension and dynamics between the characters, introduces a key event (Kwame Ture's speech), and delves into the ideological differences between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8.3

The concept of exploring racial politics and activism in the 1970s is compelling and relevant, providing a rich backdrop for character development and conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses effectively, introducing a key event (Kwame Ture's speech) and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on political and social issues, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel genuine and relevant.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. The interaction between Ron Stallworth and Patrice Dumas is particularly engaging.

Character Changes: 8

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it sets the stage for future developments and potential transformations.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Patrice and engage in meaningful conversation. This reflects his desire for understanding and connection with the Black community.

External Goal: 7

Ron's external goal is to gather information about the event and the speaker, Kwame Ture. This reflects his role as an undercover police officer investigating the Black Student Union.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene introduces ideological conflict between the characters, setting up future tensions and developments.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and moral dilemmas that challenge the characters' beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters navigate ideological differences and potential conflicts at a Black Panther rally.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key events and conflicts that will shape future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting dynamics between Ron and Patrice, as well as the moral dilemmas faced by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Ron's duty as a police officer and his personal beliefs and connections with the Black community. This challenges his loyalty and moral compass.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.8

The scene evokes a sense of tension and anticipation, setting the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters' beliefs and motivations. It sets the stage for future conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interaction between Ron and Patrice, the political context, and the underlying tension between their roles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension and suspense effectively, leading to a climactic interaction between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that builds tension and conflict effectively, leading to a compelling interaction between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively introduces Patrice Dumas as a strong and charismatic character, which is essential for establishing her role in the narrative. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen their interaction. While Ron's admiration for Patrice is clear, adding layers to their conversation could enhance the tension and chemistry between them.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat expository, particularly when Patrice explains Kwame Ture's name change. While it's important to convey this information, it could be integrated more naturally into their conversation. Consider using more casual banter or personal anecdotes that reveal their characters while still providing necessary context.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but it could be tightened by reducing some of the repetitive affirmations like 'Right On.' While these phrases can convey enthusiasm, they can also slow down the flow of the dialogue. Streamlining these exchanges could maintain the energy of the scene.
  • The visual descriptions are strong, particularly in establishing the setting and Patrice's appearance. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. For example, describing the sounds of the crowd, the atmosphere of the club, or the energy of the night could enhance the scene's vibrancy.
  • The character dynamics are intriguing, but the stakes of their interaction could be heightened. As Ron is undercover, there should be an underlying tension in their exchange that hints at the complexities of his situation. This could be achieved through subtle cues in Ron's body language or hesitations in his speech.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext into the dialogue to create a richer interaction between Ron and Patrice. Consider having them discuss their views on the event or their personal experiences related to the civil rights movement.
  • Rework the exposition about Kwame Ture's name change to feel more organic. Perhaps Patrice could reference a recent event or a personal story that leads to the explanation, making it feel less like a lecture.
  • Trim repetitive affirmations in the dialogue to keep the pacing brisk. Focus on impactful lines that reveal character and advance the conversation.
  • Add sensory details to the scene to create a more immersive experience. Describe the sounds, smells, and overall atmosphere of the club to draw the audience into the setting.
  • Introduce subtle tension in Ron's demeanor to reflect the stakes of his undercover role. This could be achieved through his body language or slight hesitations when discussing topics related to activism or the Black Student Union.



Scene 8 -  Empowerment at Bell's Nightingale
14 INT. BELL'S NIGHTINGALE - NIGHT 14

The Club is PACKED, a Sea of Black Faces punctuated by an
occasional White Face. Ron moves through The Crowd. He avoids
direct Eye Contact, trying like Hell to act casual.

Ron steps to The Bar and signals The BARTENDER JABBO, 60's,
Black.

RON STALLWORTH
Rum and Coke with Lime.

As Jabbo makes his Drink, something catches Ron's Eye.
Patrice exits a door with several Black Bodyguard's.

Ron observes as a Tall figure exits with Patrice as they near
The Stage. The Tall figure hangs back covered by The
Bodyguards.


Ron on his feet, Black Fist in the air with The Crowd.
Patrice on Stage with Kwame Ture with her Fist raised too.
The Shouting and Chanting finally cease, as Patrice speaks.

PATRICE
The Black Student Union of Colorado
College is honored to bring The
Vanguard of Revolutionaries fighting
for The Rights of Black People all
over The World. Let's show some Black
Love to The One and Only, The Former
Prime Minister of The Black Panther
Party, The Brother Man with The Plan
who's giving it to the Man, put your
Hands together my People... for Our
Kwame Ture.

PANDEMONIUM! As Kwame Ture walks onto a small raised stage
with Patrice. The entire place rises to their Feet, Fists
Raised, Clapping, Shouting "Ungawa Black Power!" Ron watches
as Patrice and Kwame hug. Patrice then leaves the Stage.

Kwame soaks in the Crowd's reaction, until...

KWAME TURE
Thank you all for coming out tonight,
My Beloved Sista's and Brotha's. I
Thank you...

CLOSE - KWAME TURE

towering at Six Feet-Four with an infectious smile and
Flawless Dark Skin, he's oozing Charisma out of every pore.
He stands behind a small podium.

KWAME TURE (CONT'D)
...I'm here to tell you this evening
it is time for you to stop running
away from being Black. You are
College Students, you should think.
It is time for you to understand that
you as The growing Intellectuals, The
Black Intellectuals of this Country,
you must define Beauty for Black
People.

The Black Students in The Audience are laser focused on him.

KWAME TURE (CONT'D)
Beauty is defined by someone with a
Narrow Nose, Thin Lips, White Skin.
You ain't got none of that. If your
Lips are Thick, Bite them in. Hold
your Nose! Don't drink Coffee because
it makes you Black!


The Audience laughs! Loving it.

KWAME TURE (CONT'D)
Your Nose is Boss, your Lips are
Thick, you are Black and you are
Beautiful!

Everyone cheers including Ron!

KWAME TURE (CONT'D)
We want to be like The White people
that oppress us in this Country and
since they hate us, we hate
ourselves. You dig Tarzan? I remember
that when I was a Boy I used to go
see Tarzan Movies on Saturdays. White
Tarzan used to Beat up The Black
Natives. I would sit there yelling
"Kill The Beasts, Kill The Savages,
Kill 'Em!" Actually I was saying:
"Kill Me." It was as if a Jewish Boy
watched Nazis taking Jews off to
Concentration Camps and cheered them
on. Today, I want The Chief to beat
The Hell out of Tarzan and send him
back to Europe. But it takes time to
become Free of The Lies and their
shaming effect on Black Minds. It
takes time to reject the most
Important Lie: that Black People
inherently can't do the same things
White People can do unless White
People help them.

The Audience laughing, overwhelmed, shouting back support! A
ROAR from The Crowd. Ron finds himself clapping along.

RON STALLWORTH
Right on!!! Right On!!!

KWAME TURE (CONT'D)
The White West are the most Violent
People on The Face of The Earth. They
have used Violence to get everything
they have. And yet, they're the First
to talk about Violence. I never get
caught up with Violence. As a matter
of fact, one of my Favorite Quotes
that stops all the talk about it is
from Sartre: "What then did you
expect when you unbound The Gag that
muted The Black Mouth? That they
would chant your praises?

KWAME TURE (CONT'D)
Did you think that when those Heads
that our Fathers had forcefully bowed
down to the ground were raised again,
you would find adoration in their
eyes?" That's Jean-Paul Sartre, not
me.

Ron looks around at everyone caught up in Kwame's spell.



KWAME TURE (CONT'D)
If a White Man wants to Lynch Me,
that's his Problem. If he's got The
Power to Lynch Me, that's My Problem.
Racism is not a question of Attitude;
it's a question of Power.

Ron is struck by the remark.

KWAME TURE (CONT'D)
It is White Power that makes The Laws
and it is Violent White Power in the
form of armed White Cops that
enforces their Laws with Guns and
Nightsticks. The vast majority of
Negroes in this Country live in
Captive Communities and must endure
their conditions of Oppression
because and only because they are
Black and Powerless. Now We are being
shot down like Dogs in the streets by
White Racist Policemen. We can no
longer accept this Oppression without
retribution. The War in Vietnam is
Illegal and Immoral. I'd rather see a
Brother Kill a Cop than Kill a
Vietnamese. At least he's got a
reason for Killing The Cop. When you
Kill a Vietnamese you're a Hero and
you don't even know why you Killed
him. At least if you Kill a Cop
you're doing it for a reason.

Another Applause Break. Ron listens, challenged, torn.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a vibrant club called Bell's Nightingale, Ron Stallworth navigates the crowd, feeling both admiration and internal conflict as he witnesses Patrice introduce Kwame Ture. Kwame delivers a powerful speech on Black identity and oppression, igniting the audience's passion and solidarity. As the crowd chants 'Ungawa Black Power!' and responds to Kwame's call for embracing heritage, Ron is left reflecting on his own identity and the societal pressures he faces, culminating in a charged atmosphere of empowerment and contemplation.
Strengths
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Emotional resonance
  • Character development
  • Social relevance
Weaknesses
  • Potential for polarizing reactions due to controversial themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is impactful, emotionally charged, and thought-provoking. It effectively conveys the themes of racial identity, power dynamics, and social justice through compelling dialogue and character interactions.


Story Content

Concept: 9.3

The concept of challenging societal norms, embracing cultural identity, and resisting oppression is central to the scene. It explores complex themes with depth and nuance, inviting reflection and discussion.

Plot: 9

The plot progression in the scene is driven by Kwame Ture's speech, which serves as a turning point in the narrative. It advances the story by introducing key themes and character motivations.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and authentic portrayal of Black empowerment and activism, addressing complex issues of race and power in a compelling and thought-provoking manner. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and resonate with the audience.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters in the scene, particularly Kwame Ture, are well-developed and compelling. Their interactions and reactions add depth to the narrative, enhancing the emotional resonance of the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Kwame Ture undergoes a transformation in the scene, from a charismatic speaker to a symbol of resistance and empowerment. His words inspire change and challenge the status quo, marking a significant character development.

Internal Goal: 9

Ron's internal goal in this scene is to grapple with his own beliefs and identity as a Black man in a society rife with racial tensions. He is challenged by the powerful words of Kwame Ture and must confront his own internalized biases and fears.

External Goal: 8

Ron's external goal in this scene is to maintain his cover as an undercover police officer while navigating a potentially volatile situation at the club. He must balance his duty to his job with his personal beliefs and emotions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene contains a high level of ideological conflict, as Kwame Ture challenges societal norms and confronts issues of racism, power dynamics, and oppression. The conflict drives the narrative forward and creates tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters confront internal and external challenges that test their beliefs, values, and identities. The audience is kept on edge as they navigate the conflicting viewpoints and emotions presented in the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Kwame Ture confronts issues of racism, power dynamics, and oppression in a public setting. His words have the potential to incite change, challenge societal norms, and inspire action.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing key themes, character motivations, and ideological conflicts. It sets the stage for future developments and establishes a powerful narrative trajectory.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' speeches and actions. The audience is kept on their toes as they navigate the challenging themes and conflicts presented in the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of Black empowerment, self-acceptance, and resistance against oppression. Kwame Ture challenges the audience to reject internalized racism and embrace their Black identity, which directly challenges Ron's own beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.7

The scene has a significant emotional impact, evoking feelings of empowerment, inspiration, and solidarity. Kwame Ture's speech resonates deeply with the audience, eliciting strong emotional responses.

Dialogue: 9.5

The dialogue in the scene is powerful, poignant, and thought-provoking. It effectively conveys the themes of racial identity, power dynamics, and social justice, engaging the audience on an intellectual and emotional level.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its powerful and provocative dialogue, compelling characters, and intense emotional moments. The audience is drawn into the conflict and tension as the characters grapple with complex themes of race, power, and identity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and conflict, allowing the characters' speeches and actions to resonate with the audience, and creating a sense of urgency and emotion. The rhythm of the scene enhances the impact of the dialogue and themes.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the setting, characters, and dialogue in a visually engaging manner. The formatting enhances the impact of the dialogue and actions on screen.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, building tension and conflict as the characters deliver powerful speeches and confront their internal and external challenges. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the themes and emotions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the energy and excitement of the event, showcasing the powerful presence of Kwame Ture and the enthusiastic response from the audience. However, the pacing could be improved by tightening some of the dialogue to maintain momentum, especially during Kwame's speech.
  • While Kwame's speech is impactful, it may benefit from a clearer structure. The transitions between his points can feel abrupt, which might confuse the audience. A more defined arc in his argument could enhance the emotional impact and clarity of his message.
  • The character of Ron Stallworth is somewhat passive in this scene, primarily reacting to the events around him. To strengthen his character arc, consider incorporating more of his internal thoughts or feelings during Kwame's speech, allowing the audience to connect with his personal struggle and transformation.
  • The dialogue is rich and evocative, but some lines could be streamlined for clarity. For instance, the metaphor comparing a Jewish boy cheering on Nazis could be perceived as heavy-handed or distracting. Simplifying or rephrasing such metaphors could maintain the scene's intensity without losing its message.
  • The visual elements are strong, but the scene could benefit from more descriptive imagery that captures the atmosphere of the club and the audience's reactions. This would help immerse the viewer in the setting and enhance the emotional stakes of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Kwame's speech to create a more cohesive flow, perhaps by outlining key points he wants to make and ensuring smooth transitions between them.
  • Incorporate Ron's internal monologue or reactions to Kwame's speech to deepen his character development and provide insight into his emotional state during this pivotal moment.
  • Streamline some of the dialogue to enhance clarity and impact, focusing on the most powerful lines that resonate with the audience while maintaining the essence of Kwame's message.
  • Add more vivid descriptions of the club's atmosphere and audience reactions to create a stronger sense of place and heighten the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Consider using visual metaphors or symbolic imagery to reinforce the themes of identity and empowerment present in Kwame's speech, making the scene more visually engaging.



Scene 9 -  Rallying Cry for Liberation
15 INT. BELL'S NIGHTINGALE - NIGHT 15

Kwame holds The Crowd in The Palm of his Hand. They stand
rapt as he reaches his rousing Finale.

KWAME TURE (CONT'D)
We are on The Move for Our
Liberation.

KWAME TURE (CONT'D)
We're tired of trying to prove things
To White People. We're tired of
trying to explain to White People
that we're not going to hurt them. We
are concerned with getting things We
want. The thing we have to have to
function. The question is, Will White
People overcome their Racism and
allow for that to happen in this
Country? If not, We have no choice
but to say very clearly, "Move on
over or We're going to move over
you," sure as the Night follows day.

Members of the Audience who were sitting already are rising
to their Feet...

CLOSE - RON

sits, claps vigorously, as if forgetting he is Undercover...
Kwame is on a Dynamic Roll!!!

CLOSE - TURE

KWAME TURE (CONT'D)
Let me remind you of a Poem By Prime
Minister Winston Churchill read when
England was getting ready to Attack
Germany. It Was written by a Black
Man named Claude McKay from Jamaica
and He wrote it for Black People. It
is called "IF WE MUST DIE". It is our
Poem Today in The United States. "If
We must Die, let it not be like Hogs
Hunted and Penned in an Inglorious
Spot While round us Bark The Mad
Hungry Dogs Makin Their Mock at Our
Accursed Lot. If We must Die, O let
Us Nobly Die, So that Our Precious
Blood may not be Shed In Vain; then
even The Monsters We Defy Shall be
constrained to Honor us though Dead O
Kinsmen!!! We Must meet The Common
Foe!!! Though Far Outnumbered Let Us
Show Us Brave And for their Thousand
Blows deal One Deathblow! What though
before us lies The Open Grave? Like
Men we'll face The Murderous,
Cowardly Pack Pressed to The Wall,
dying, but Fighting Back!"

The Black Crowd Cheers.


KWAME TURE (CONT'D)
That's Brother Claude McKay, not me.
In closing I know it's getting late,
may I leave you Sista's and Brothers
with these Last Words. "If I am not
for myself, who will be? If I am for
myself alone, who am I? If not now,
when? And if not you, who?" We need
an Undying Love for Black People
wherever We may be. Good Night and
POWER TO THE PEOPLE, POWER TO THE
PEOPLE.

The BLACK MASS STANDS AS ONE WITH KWAME TURE.

KWAME TURE AND BLACK MASS
POWER TO THE PEOPLE
POWER TO THE PEOPLE
POWER TO THE PEOPLE

Caught up in the moment, Ron gathers himself, as if
remembering why he is here. Ron takes Patrice's Hand and
raises it in Celebration and Unity!
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary Kwame Ture delivers a powerful speech at Bell's Nightingale, urging the crowd to unite for Black liberation and resist systemic racism. His passionate rhetoric, highlighted by a recitation of Claude McKay's poem, ignites the audience, who rise in solidarity, chanting 'POWER TO THE PEOPLE.' Ron, an undercover character, momentarily forgets his mission, caught up in the moment and sharing a celebratory gesture with Patrice, symbolizing unity amidst the struggle.
Strengths
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Emotional resonance
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited focus on supporting characters
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively captures the emotional intensity and significance of Kwame Ture's speech, highlighting themes of empowerment and resistance. The inclusion of Ron's undercover mission adds depth to the plot and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing a pivotal moment in the civil rights movement through Kwame Ture's speech is compelling and relevant. The scene effectively conveys themes of empowerment, unity, and resistance against oppression.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with Ron's undercover mission intersecting with Kwame Ture's speech, adding tension and complexity to the narrative. The scene sets up future conflicts and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of Black liberation and resistance, with authentic and impactful dialogue that resonates with the audience. The characters' actions and speeches feel genuine and inspiring.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Kwame Ture and Ron, are well-developed and engaging. Kwame's powerful speech and Ron's internal conflict as an undercover officer add depth to their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 9

Ron experiences internal conflict and growth during the scene, grappling with his identity as a Black officer and the challenges of his undercover mission. Kwame Ture's speech influences Ron's perspective and actions.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to inspire and empower the Black audience, instilling a sense of pride and unity in their identity. This reflects his deeper desire for liberation and equality.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to deliver a powerful and impactful speech that resonates with the audience, rallying them towards a common cause of liberation and empowerment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene contains a moderate level of conflict, primarily in the form of societal tensions and the internal struggle faced by Ron as an undercover officer. Kwame Ture's speech adds a sense of urgency and defiance to the narrative.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing the challenge of inspiring and uniting a diverse audience towards a common cause of liberation and empowerment.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Ron's undercover mission puts him in a dangerous and morally complex situation. Kwame Ture's speech addresses critical social issues and challenges the status quo, raising the stakes for all characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, character dynamics, and thematic elements. Ron's undercover mission and Kwame Ture's speech set the stage for future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the emotional intensity and passion of the characters, as well as the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's speeches.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the struggle against racism and oppression, as well as the question of whether white people will overcome their racism to allow for Black liberation. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the inherent value and dignity of Black people.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of inspiration, empowerment, and solidarity. Kwame Ture's speech resonates deeply with the audience and Ron, creating a powerful and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is impactful and memorable, especially during Kwame Ture's speech. The lines convey powerful messages of empowerment, unity, and defiance, resonating with the audience and driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its powerful and emotive dialogue, as well as the sense of unity and empowerment that it conveys. The audience is drawn into the emotional intensity of the moment.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a powerful climax that resonates with the audience. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the impact of the speeches.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual and emotional impact of the dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and emotion, leading to a powerful climax. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the themes of empowerment and unity.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the energy and passion of Kwame Ture's speech, which is crucial for conveying the urgency of the civil rights movement. However, the dialogue could benefit from more varied sentence structures to enhance the rhythm and flow, making it feel less like a monologue and more like a dynamic interaction with the audience.
  • While the speech is powerful, it may come across as overly didactic at times. Consider incorporating more subtlety in Kwame's delivery, allowing for moments of emotional resonance rather than just rallying cries. This could help the audience connect more deeply with the themes of the speech.
  • Ron’s internal conflict is introduced but not fully explored in this scene. While he is caught up in the moment, it would be beneficial to show more of his internal struggle through visual cues or brief flashbacks that highlight his undercover role versus his personal beliefs. This would add depth to his character and enhance the stakes of the scene.
  • The transition from Kwame's speech to Ron taking Patrice's hand feels abrupt. A moment of hesitation or a brief internal monologue from Ron could help bridge this gap, illustrating his conflict and the significance of this gesture in the context of his undercover mission.
  • The crowd's reaction is powerful, but it could be enhanced by showing individual reactions from the audience members, including Ron. This would create a more immersive experience and allow the audience to feel the collective energy and emotion of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Revise Kwame's speech to include varied sentence structures and pacing, allowing for natural pauses that can emphasize key points and give the audience time to react.
  • Incorporate more emotional nuance in Kwame's delivery, perhaps by including personal anecdotes or rhetorical questions that invite the audience to reflect rather than just respond.
  • Add visual or auditory cues to illustrate Ron's internal conflict, such as close-ups of his facial expressions or flashbacks to his training, to deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
  • Create a smoother transition between Kwame's speech and Ron's action by including a moment of reflection or hesitation from Ron before he takes Patrice's hand, highlighting the significance of the moment.
  • Include brief vignettes of audience members reacting to the speech, showcasing a range of emotions from joy to anger, which would enrich the scene and provide a fuller picture of the atmosphere.



Scene 10 -  Conversations of Conflict and Connection
16 INT. BELL'S NIGHTINGALE - NIGHT 16

Ron moves down the Greeting Line for Kwame. He watches as
Patrice stands near him. Kwame pulls her in close, whispers
something in her ear. She smiles, a bit smitten.

Ron watches as he finally reaches Kwame, shaking his hand.

RON STALLWORTH
Brother Ture, do you really think a
War between The Black and White Race
is inevitable?

Kwame pulls Ron in close toward his face. Too close.

17 INT. SURVEILLANCE CAR - BELL'S NIGHTINGALE - NIGHT 17

Chuck and Jimmy wearing Headphones listening react to ear-
splitting Audio feedback.

18 INT. BELL'S NIGHTINGALE - NIGHT 18

Ron stands mid-grip with Kwame. Nerves pinballing. Kwame
lowers his voice, looking around conspiratorially.

KWAME TURE
Brother, arm yourself. Get ready.
The Revolution is coming. We must
pick up a Gun and prepare
ourselves...Trust me, it is coming.


Kwame pulls back. Returns to his normal speaking voice.

KWAME TURE (CONT'D)
Thank you for your support, Brother.

19 EXT. BELL'S NIGHTINGALE - FRONT ENTRANCE - NIGHT 19

Ron is waiting outside as Patrice steps out. Ron nears her.

RON STALLWORTH
I don't know what you have planned
now but maybe I could buy you a
Drink?

PATRICE
I'm waiting for Kwame, I have to make
sure he gets back safely to the Hotel
and he's squared away.

RON STALLWORTH
I can dig it.

Ron starts to walk away.

PATRICE
Maybe, if it's not too late, I'll
meet you at The Red Lantern. You know
where that is?

RON STALLWORTH
I do.

PATRICE
So I'll see you then.

RON STALLWORTH
Cool. Power to The People.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In this tense night scene at Bell's Nightingale, Ron Stallworth engages Kwame Ture in a serious discussion about the looming threat of racial war, with Kwame urging him to prepare for revolution. After their conversation, Ron meets Patrice, who expresses her concern for Kwame's safety and hints at a budding romantic interest as they plan to meet later at The Red Lantern. The scene juxtaposes the gravity of racial tensions with the warmth of potential connection.
Strengths
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Character depth and development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for heavy-handedness in thematic exploration

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and importance of the encounter between Ron and Kwame, setting the stage for future developments in the plot. The dialogue is impactful and the emotional resonance is strong.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, exploring the clash of ideologies and the looming threat of a race war, is engaging and thought-provoking. It adds depth to the narrative and raises important questions about societal issues.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, as Ron's encounter with Kwame Ture foreshadows future conflicts and challenges. The scene sets up important character dynamics and thematic elements.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on race relations and activism, presenting complex characters with conflicting beliefs and motivations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Ron Stallworth and Kwame Ture are well-developed in this scene, with their contrasting beliefs and motivations driving the conflict. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and set the stage for character growth.

Character Changes: 8

Both Ron Stallworth and Kwame Ture experience subtle shifts in their perspectives and beliefs during the scene, setting the stage for further character development and growth. The encounter leaves a lasting impact on both characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron's internal goal in this scene is to understand and possibly challenge Kwame's beliefs about race relations and revolution. This reflects Ron's deeper desire to make a difference and navigate the complexities of his own identity as a Black police officer.

External Goal: 7

Ron's external goal is to connect with Patrice and potentially continue their relationship. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating their differing perspectives on activism and revolution.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, as Ron and Kwame engage in a tense discussion about the future of race relations and the potential for violence. The ideological clash creates a palpable sense of tension and uncertainty.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations creating tension and conflict between the characters. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will resolve their differences.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters grapple with the possibility of a race war and the challenges of navigating conflicting ideologies. The outcome of the encounter between Ron and Kwame could have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing key conflicts, themes, and character dynamics that will shape future events. The encounter between Ron and Kwame sets the stage for important plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting beliefs and motivations, which create uncertainty about their future actions and decisions. The audience is left wondering how the characters will resolve their differences.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Kwame's belief in armed revolution and Ron's more moderate approach to social change. This challenges Ron's beliefs about the effectiveness of non-violent protest and the role of law enforcement in addressing systemic issues.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, as the characters grapple with weighty issues and conflicting beliefs. The intensity of the encounter between Ron and Kwame resonates with the audience and sets the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is powerful and impactful, conveying the ideological differences between Ron and Kwame with intensity and depth. The exchanges are thought-provoking and reveal key aspects of the characters' personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes and emotional intensity of the characters' interactions. The conflict and tension keep the audience invested in the outcome of the scene.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense through a series of escalating confrontations and revelations. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and concise action lines. The dialogue is formatted correctly and contributes to the overall flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic confrontation, with escalating tension and conflict leading to a cliffhanger ending. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building suspense and drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and stakes of Ron's undercover mission, particularly through his interaction with Kwame Ture. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. While Kwame's warning about the revolution is clear, Ron's response could reflect deeper internal conflict, showcasing his struggle between his duty as a police officer and his identity as a Black man.
  • The transition between the intimate moment with Kwame and the subsequent interaction with Patrice feels slightly abrupt. The emotional weight of Ron's conversation with Kwame could be better contrasted with his lighter exchange with Patrice, emphasizing the duality of his experience in that moment.
  • The use of audio feedback from Chuck and Jimmy in the surveillance car is a clever way to illustrate the tension of the situation. However, it might be more effective if the feedback were integrated into the scene's dialogue, perhaps causing Ron to momentarily lose focus or react, which would heighten the stakes and urgency.
  • Patrice's character is introduced as strong and independent, but her dialogue could be enhanced to reflect her agency more clearly. Instead of simply stating her plans to ensure Kwame's safety, she could express her own motivations or concerns about the revolution, making her a more active participant in the narrative.
  • The ending line, 'Power to The People,' feels somewhat clichéd and could be replaced with something more original or personal to Ron and Patrice's developing relationship. This would help to ground the scene in their unique connection rather than relying on a well-known slogan.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or visual cues to illustrate Ron's emotional state during his conversation with Kwame, allowing the audience to feel his conflict more deeply.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Ron and Patrice to include more personal stakes or shared history, which would strengthen their connection and make their interaction feel more significant.
  • Incorporate the audio feedback from the surveillance car into the scene's action, perhaps causing Ron to react or misinterpret Kwame's words momentarily, adding tension and urgency.
  • Give Patrice a more assertive voice in her dialogue, allowing her to express her thoughts on the revolution and her role in it, which would enrich her character and the scene overall.
  • Replace the final line with a more unique expression of solidarity or connection between Ron and Patrice, which would help to personalize the moment and avoid clichés.



Scene 11 -  Racial Harassment at the Red Lantern Inn
20 INT. RED LANTERN INN - NIGHT 20

Ron sits at The Bar waiting for Patrice. He looks at his
watch having been there a while. He finishes his Rum and
Coke with Lime watching the door open but it is not Patrice.
He decides to call it a Night, stepping off his stool, paying
his Tab to BRO POPE, The Bartender when...

PATRICE
Sorry I'm late...

Patrice is right there near him. She flops down on the Bar
stool, exhausted.

PATRICE (CONT'D)
My sincere apologies, you won't
believe what happened.


Patrice says to Bro Pope, The Bartender.

PATRICE (CONT'D)
Bro Pope, Seven and Seven, please...
The Pigs pulled us over.

RON STALLWORTH
Say what?

PATRICE
Yeah, they knew Kwame was in Town.
Made us get out the Car. Pigs pulled
us over for no reason. Total
harassment.

RON STALLWORTH
True?

PATRICE
Truth, you know how they are.

CUT TO:

21 EXT. COLORADO SPRINGS STREET - NIGHT 21

The Car is pulled over and a Uniformed Cop gets out his Squad
Car revealing Sgt. Morris. He instructs them all with his
hand on his Revolver.

PATRICE (V.O.)(CONT'D)
Yeah, we were guilty of being Black
while driving in America!!!

SGT. MORRIS
All right everybody out the vehicle.
Now!!!

Kwame, Patrice and Two other Black Colorado College Students,
HAKIM and LEON, both Black 20's, climb out of the vehicle.
Sgt. Morris pushes Kwame against the Car.

SGT. MORRIS(CONT'D)
I don't wanna see nuthin' but Black
Asses and Black Elbows. Spread 'em!!!

Kwame, Patrice, Hakim and Leon are all Spread Eagle against
the Car. Sgt. Morris pats them down. Another Police Cruiser
pulls up. TWO MORE COPS, SMITH and WESSON, both White 50's,
get out and observe.

CLOSE - SGT. MORRIS

He takes Extra Time patting down Patrice getting in some
"Groping" in for Good Measure.


SGT. MORRIS(CONT'D)
Search The Car. I know these Niggers
are holding something.

Wesson and Smith enter Patrice's Car, searching it. Sgt.
Morris turns Kwame around, facing him.

OFFICER MORRIS (CONT'D)
You that so called Big Shot Panther
Nigger aren't you. Heard you was in
Town.

KWAME TURE
My Name is Kwame Ture... Are We
Guilty of "Drivin' While
Black"?...PIG!!!

Sgt. Morris stares him down for a moment. You think he's
gonna slug him but he thinks better. The other Cops go
through the Car searching, throwing things around.

OFFICER MORRIS
I know you Black Bastards are
holding. What you got in there some
Weed, Pills, Heroin?

Patrice, Kwame and the others just stare back, silent.

WESSON
It's clean.

Nothing more to say. Sgt. Morris gets in Patrice's Face.

SGT. MORRIS
You get this Black Panther outta'
Colorado Springs before Sunrise. Hear
ME???

CUT BACK TO:

22 INT. RED LANTERN INN - NIGHT 22

Patrice at the Bar with Ron, he is stunned.

RON STALLWORTH
Did you see the Officer's names?

PATRICE
I know I should have but the whole
thing was so frightening... I didn't.

Bro Pope, The Bartender sets the Drink down. Patrice takes a
Drink, her hand shaking. Ron observes.


RON STALLWORTH
I'm sorry.

Patrice nods, pulls herself together. Ron looks at her,
softly touches her on her back, trying to comfort, thinking
to himself, torn in many directions.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary At the Red Lantern Inn, Ron waits for Patrice, who arrives late and shaken after a traumatic encounter with the police. She recounts how Sgt. Morris and his team racially profiled and harassed her and her friends, particularly targeting Kwame Ture. The scene shifts to the aggressive police stop, highlighting the tension and fear experienced by the group. Back at the bar, Ron expresses his sympathy for Patrice, emphasizing the emotional weight of her experience.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of racial tensions
  • Strong character development
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution to the conflict
  • Limited exploration of the police officers' motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the intense emotions and high stakes involved in the characters' encounter with police harassment. It creates a sense of tension and drama, drawing the audience into the characters' experiences.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of racial discrimination and police abuse of power is effectively portrayed in the scene, adding depth to the overall narrative. It explores important themes of injustice and resilience.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the introduction of conflict and the characters' reactions to police harassment. It adds layers to the overall story and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of racial discrimination, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to life. The characters' reactions and interactions are original and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' responses to the discrimination they face are well-developed and showcase their resilience and defiance. The interactions between the characters add depth to their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in response to the discrimination they face, showcasing their resilience and defiance in the face of adversity.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron's internal goal in this scene is to comfort and support Patrice after the traumatic experience they went through. This reflects his deeper desire to protect and care for her.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to understand what happened to Patrice and the others when they were pulled over by the police. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in dealing with racial discrimination.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the characters face police harassment and abuse of power. The tension and confrontation elevate the stakes and drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing significant challenges and obstacles that create conflict and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters face police harassment and abuse of power. The tension and confrontation elevate the risks and consequences for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing conflict and highlighting the characters' responses to police harassment. It sets up future developments and adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it presents a situation where the characters are faced with unexpected challenges and obstacles, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the characters' belief in justice and equality versus the systemic racism and discrimination they face. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of anger, fear, and defiance in the audience. The characters' experiences resonate deeply, drawing the audience into their struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tense atmosphere and emotional impact of the scene. It captures the characters' emotions and reactions to the discrimination they experience.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a tense and emotional confrontation that keeps the audience invested in the characters' struggles and challenges.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotion, with a good balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to read and understand.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for a dramatic confrontation, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and urgency of the racial dynamics at play, particularly through Patrice's experience with the police. However, the transition from the bar to the police encounter could be more seamless. The cut to the police scene feels abrupt and could benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance the emotional impact.
  • Patrice's dialogue is powerful and conveys her frustration and fear, but it could be strengthened by incorporating more specific details about the encounter. This would help the audience visualize the situation more vividly and deepen their emotional connection to her experience.
  • The use of the term 'Pigs' by Patrice is a strong choice that reflects her anger towards the police, but it may come off as slightly clichéd. Exploring more unique expressions of her feelings could add depth to her character and make her dialogue feel fresher.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven; while the dialogue flows well, the action in the police encounter could be tightened to maintain tension. The moment where Sgt. Morris gropes Patrice could be more impactful if it were shown with a focus on her emotional response rather than just the physical action.
  • The internal conflict within Ron is hinted at but could be more pronounced. His reaction to Patrice's story should reflect his dual identity as a Black man and a police officer more explicitly, perhaps through his body language or internal monologue.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Ron's internal thoughts before the cut to the police encounter, which would help bridge the two scenes and emphasize his emotional state as he waits for Patrice.
  • Enhance the police encounter by including more sensory details—sounds, sights, and feelings—that Patrice and her friends experience during the stop. This will create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Revise Patrice's dialogue to include more specific examples of the harassment they faced, which would make her experience feel more real and relatable.
  • Tighten the pacing of the police scene by cutting unnecessary dialogue or actions that do not contribute to the tension, ensuring that every moment heightens the stakes.
  • Explore Ron's emotional turmoil more deeply by incorporating subtle physical reactions (e.g., clenching fists, shifting in his seat) as he listens to Patrice's story, which would visually convey his internal conflict.



Scene 12 -  Tensions in the Night
23 INT. CSPD - NARCOTICS DIVISION - NIGHT 23

Jimmy removes Ron's Wire while Chief Taggert watches.

CHIEF TAGGERT
What was the Room like?

RON STALLWORTH
Folks were hanging on every word.

CHIEF TAGGERT
He had them pretty riled up?

RON STALLWORTH
But I'm not sure that means Black
Folks were ready to start a Riot.

CHIEF TAGGERT
What makes you think that?

RON STALLWORTH
Nobody was talking about that. That
wasn't the Mood. Everybody was Cool.

CHIEF TAGGERT
He told a Crowd of "Black Folks" to
get ready for a Race War. That they
were going to have to arm themselves.
What about that?

RON STALLWORTH
Yeah, he said that but I think that
was just talk. You know, Rhetoric.

CHUCK (O.S.)
That's what I thought too.

Ron looks over at Chuck taking the Reel off The Reel to Reel.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Thank God Carmichael has left
Colorado Springs.

RON STALLWORTH
Kwame Ture.

CHIEF TAGGERT
What?


RON STALLWORTH
He changed his name from Stokely
Carmichael to Kwame Ture.

Chief Taggert humored by as if he is suppose to care.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Sure.

Chief Taggert starts to leave the room. Ron decides to say
it.

RON STALLWORTH
Did you hear the Story Patrice told
me about how the CSPD pulled over her
and Ture?

Chief Taggert stops, drinks in the question. Everything goes
silent. He then gives Ron a deliberate look.

CHIEF TAGGERT
No. We didn't hear that.

From Chief Taggert's look, Ron knows he did. Jimmy, Chuck
stare at Ron. A Big White Elephant in the room.

CHIEF TAGGERT (CONT'D)
Patrice. She's the one from The Black
Student Union? They brought Too-Ray
in.

RON STALLWORTH
Kwame Ture, Correct.

CHIEF TAGGERT
You got pretty Chummy with her?

If Ron pushes it more he know it will go bad. He drops it.

RON STALLWORTH
Just doing my job, Chief. Undercover.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Yeah and it better not be Under the
Cover Of The Sheets.

RON STALLWORTH
I would never jeopardize a Case...

CHIEF TAGGERT
...Prepare an In-Depth Report and
leave it at my desk. Report back to
your regular assignment tomorrow.

Ron takes this in. Dejected. Chief Taggert leaves.


JIMMY
Good work.

Ron nods, appreciative. Chuck walks away without another
word.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Historical"]

Summary In the CSPD Narcotics Division at night, Ron Stallworth removes a wire from his partner Jimmy while Chief Taggert observes. They discuss a recent event where a speaker stirred the crowd, with Ron asserting that the mood was calm despite the speaker's inflammatory rhetoric. Chief Taggert expresses relief that the speaker, Kwame Ture, has left town and dismisses Ron's concerns about a troubling incident involving Patrice and Ture. The scene ends with Ron feeling dejected after Taggert orders him to prepare a report, while Jimmy acknowledges Ron's good work.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution in the conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and confronts important themes of racism and undercover operations. The dialogue is sharp and keeps the audience engaged, while the conflict and emotional impact are palpable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on undercover work and racial tensions, is well-developed and adds depth to the overall narrative. It explores important themes and challenges faced by the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward by introducing a high-stakes undercover assignment. It sets up conflicts and character dynamics that will likely have repercussions in future scenes.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the themes of race and justice, with nuanced character interactions and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their interactions reveal layers of complexity, especially in the protagonist's struggle with his identity and mission. The scene allows for character growth and challenges.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes subtle changes in his perspective and approach as he confronts the challenges of his undercover assignment. His interactions with other characters shape his growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron Stallworth's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the delicate balance between his undercover work and his personal beliefs. He wants to maintain his cover while also staying true to his values.

External Goal: 7

Ron Stallworth's external goal in this scene is to report back to his regular assignment and continue his investigation without arousing suspicion.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with tensions rising between the characters and the stakes becoming higher as the protagonist navigates his undercover assignment. The confrontations add intensity to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the conflict between the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the protagonist embarks on a dangerous undercover assignment with racial tensions and personal risks at play. The high stakes add urgency and suspense to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a crucial undercover assignment and setting up conflicts that will drive the narrative. It advances the plot and deepens the character dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and hidden agendas of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between upholding the law and justice while also confronting systemic racism and discrimination. Chief Taggert represents the establishment, while Ron Stallworth represents the need for change and accountability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to concern, as the characters grapple with difficult decisions and moral dilemmas. The emotional impact adds depth to the narrative and engages the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, realistic, and drives the scene forward, capturing the tension and conflict between the characters. It effectively conveys the themes of racism and undercover work.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tense dialogue, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and confrontations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character motivations and a progression of tension.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Ron and Chief Taggert, highlighting the racial dynamics and the pressure Ron faces as an undercover officer. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, Taggert's dismissive attitude towards Ron's insights about Kwame Ture could be more pronounced, showcasing his underlying prejudices.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, particularly in the transition from Ron's observations to Taggert's interrogation. Allowing for more pauses or reactions from Ron could heighten the tension and emphasize his internal conflict. This would also give the audience a moment to absorb the weight of the conversation.
  • The dialogue, while functional, lacks a certain level of dramatic flair. For example, when Ron mentions that the crowd was 'cool,' it could be more impactful if he elaborated on what that means in the context of the charged atmosphere. This would provide a clearer contrast to Taggert's concerns about a potential race war.
  • The introduction of Patrice's story serves as a pivotal moment, but it feels somewhat abrupt. A more gradual build-up to this revelation could enhance its significance. Perhaps Ron could reflect on his feelings for Patrice before bringing up her experience, which would deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • The ending, with Ron feeling dejected, is effective but could be strengthened by showing more of his emotional turmoil. Instead of simply stating he is dejected, consider incorporating a visual cue or a line of internal dialogue that encapsulates his frustration and sense of isolation in this moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Ron and Taggert to reveal their conflicting perspectives on race and duty. This could involve Taggert making veiled comments that reflect his biases, prompting Ron to respond with subtle defiance.
  • Slow down the pacing by incorporating pauses or reactions from Ron after key lines. This would allow the audience to feel the weight of the conversation and Ron's internal struggle more acutely.
  • Enhance the dialogue by adding descriptive language or metaphors that convey the atmosphere of the crowd during Kwame's speech. This would provide a richer context for Ron's observations and Taggert's concerns.
  • Build up to the mention of Patrice's story by having Ron reflect on his feelings for her or the implications of her experience before bringing it up. This would create a more emotional connection to the narrative.
  • Strengthen the ending by including a visual or internal monologue that illustrates Ron's emotional state. This could be a moment where he looks out the window, lost in thought, or a line that encapsulates his feelings of frustration and isolation.



Scene 13 -  A New Assignment
24 INT. RECORDS ROOM - CSPD - DAY 24

Ron is behind the counter, filing.

CHIEF TAGGERT (O.S.)
Ron.

Ron looks up. Officer Clougherty looks up from a Magazine.

CHIEF TAGGERT (CONT'D)
Let's take a walk.

Officer Clougherty gives a smirk thinking Ron's in trouble.

25 INT. HALLWAY - CSPD - DAY 25

Chief Taggert and Ron walk down the hall.

CHIEF TAGGERT
I read your Report. Excellent work,
slept on it- I'm transferring you
into Intelligence.

RON STALLWORTH
What will I be doing, Chief?

Chief Taggert stops and looks at him.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Intelligence.

Chief Taggert walks off. Ron stands there, Jacked!!!

26 STOCK FOOTAGE 26

BOOM!!! FOOTAGE of The Kent State Shooting by National
Guardsmen. The Jackson State Shooting by Jackson Mississippi
Police. Boom!!! Greenwich Village Town House Blows up and
Fireman put out the Fire. A Bomb by the Weather Underground
has gone off prematurely. Ron speaks as The Stills and
Footage continue of The Attacks!

RON STALLWORTH (V.O.)
The Seventies was a Radical Time.
The Murder of Four Students at Kent
State during an Anti-War Protest made
Young People Madder than Hell.

RON STALLWORTH (V.O.) (CONT'D)
While The Murder of Two Black
Students at Jackson State By Jackson,
Mississippi Police was swept under
The Rug. There were too many Left
Wing Radical Groups to count: The
United Freedom Front, The Weathermen
Underground, an Off shoot of SDS,
FALN, Black Panthers, Black
Liberation Front, New World
Liberation Front and Kidnapped
Heiress Patty Hearst and the
Symbionese Liberation Army. There
were Bombings at Fresno State,
University of Wisconsin-Madison, The
City Hall in Portland. It was The War
At Home. Like the T.V. Show Mission
Impossible, My assignment - if I
wanted to accept it, was to keep tabs
on these Groups...locally. Here we
had...

There are Stills of these Groups ending on Patrice and The
Black Student Union Members at Freedom House.

RON STALLWORTH (V.O.)(CONT'D)
...the Progressive Labor Party PLP,
Committee Against Racism CAR and
INCAR International Committee Against
Racism and Patrice and her Black
Student Union Members at Colorado
College. But there was One More.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Historical"]

Summary In the CSPD Records Room, Ron Stallworth is called by Chief Taggert, leading Officer Clougherty to assume he's in trouble. However, Taggert surprises Ron with the news of his transfer to the Intelligence division, filling him with excitement. The scene shifts to stock footage from the 1970s, highlighting significant events and radical groups of the era, as Ron reflects on the political climate and mentions the Black Student Union at Colorado College.
Strengths
  • Effective introduction of new plot elements
  • Compelling character development for Ron Stallworth
  • Engaging dialogue and interactions between characters
Weaknesses
  • Limited focus on supporting characters
  • Some transitions between scenes could be smoother

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively introduces a new phase in Ron's career, setting up future conflicts and challenges. It provides crucial context for the time period and the political landscape, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Ron moving into Intelligence and the challenges he faces in monitoring radical groups is intriguing and sets up future conflicts. The scene effectively establishes the stakes and the complexity of Ron's new assignment.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses smoothly, introducing new elements and conflicts that will drive the story forward. Ron's transition into undercover work adds depth to his character and sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases originality through its fresh approach to depicting the political and social climate of the 1970s, as well as the authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue within that context.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Ron Stallworth and Chief Taggert, are well-developed and their interactions reveal more about their motivations and personalities. The introduction of new groups adds complexity to the character dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

Ron undergoes a significant change in this scene as he transitions into the Intelligence division and takes on a new undercover assignment. His character development is evident as he grapples with the challenges and responsibilities of his new role.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron's internal goal in this scene is to understand his new assignment in the Intelligence department and how it aligns with his personal beliefs and values.

External Goal: 9

Ron's external goal is to navigate the challenges of his new assignment in the Intelligence department and effectively monitor local radical groups.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene introduces multiple layers of conflict, from Ron's internal struggles to the external challenges he faces in his new assignment. The tensions within the police department and the larger political landscape add depth to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Ron faces challenges both internally and externally in his new assignment, creating uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Ron embarks on a dangerous undercover assignment, monitoring radical groups and navigating the complexities of the political landscape. The risks and challenges he faces add tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, characters, and challenges for Ron. It sets the stage for future developments and builds anticipation for the next phase of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected nature of Ron's new assignment and the potential conflicts that may arise from monitoring radical groups.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between law enforcement duties and personal beliefs, as Ron is tasked with monitoring radical groups that may challenge his own values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and concern to anticipation and curiosity. The historical footage and Ron's reflections add emotional depth to the narrative, engaging the audience on a deeper level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, revealing the tensions and conflicts within the police department and setting up future confrontations. The conversations between characters drive the scene forward and add depth to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of historical context, character development, and foreshadowing of future conflicts, keeping the audience invested in Ron's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and setting up future conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively setting up the protagonist's new assignment and introducing key conflicts and themes.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from a personal moment of achievement for Ron to a broader historical context, which is a strong narrative choice. However, the abrupt shift from dialogue to stock footage can feel jarring. It may benefit from a smoother transition that connects Ron's personal journey to the historical events being referenced.
  • The dialogue between Ron and Chief Taggert is concise, but it lacks emotional depth. While the transfer to Intelligence is a significant moment for Ron, the dialogue could explore his feelings about this new role more explicitly. Adding a line or two that reflects Ron's excitement or apprehension could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The use of voiceover is effective in conveying the historical context, but it risks overshadowing the character's journey. The voiceover should complement Ron's experience rather than dominate the scene. Consider integrating Ron's reactions or thoughts during the voiceover to maintain a personal connection.
  • The stock footage is powerful and relevant, but it may overwhelm the audience if not balanced with character-driven moments. The visuals should serve to enhance Ron's narrative rather than distract from it. A brief moment of Ron's reflection on the footage could ground the scene in his perspective.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven due to the sudden shift to stock footage. The buildup to the footage could be more gradual, allowing the audience to digest the significance of the events being referenced before diving into the historical montage.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Ron's internal thoughts or feelings after Chief Taggert informs him of the transfer. This could be a line of dialogue or a visual cue that shows his excitement or anxiety about the new role.
  • Integrate Ron's reactions to the stock footage during the voiceover. For example, show him watching the footage with a contemplative expression, allowing the audience to see how these events impact him personally.
  • Smooth the transition from dialogue to stock footage by incorporating a visual cue, such as Ron looking at a newspaper headline or a poster related to the events being discussed, before cutting to the footage.
  • Limit the amount of historical information in the voiceover to focus on the most relevant groups and events that directly relate to Ron's story. This will help maintain the audience's engagement with his character.
  • Consider using a more dynamic visual style for the stock footage, such as quick cuts or overlays, to maintain energy and keep the audience engaged while still conveying the gravity of the historical context.



Scene 14 -  Undercover Blunders
27 INT. INTELLIGENCE UNIT - CSPD - DAY 27

Ron at his desk in The Intelligence Office in Street Clothing
among his COLLEAGUES. He sips Lipton Tea with Honey and
looking through various Publications. He then picks up The
Colorado Springs Gazette Newspaper.

CLOSE - Classifieds section of the Newspaper. In the bottom
right corner, in small print:

CLOSER - Ku Klux Klan - For Information, Contact 745-1209

Ron thinks a moment. Then grabs the phone. Dials.

After a few Rings, a Pre-Recorded Message Pops On:

PRE-RECORDED MESSAGE
You have reached The Colorado Springs
Chapter of The Ku Klux Klan. Please
leave a message... God Bless White
America.

There's a BEEP...


CLOSE - RON

RON STALLWORTH
Hello, this is Ron Stallworth
calling. Saw your Advertisement in
The Colorado Springs Gazette. I'm
interested in receiving some Reading
Materials. My Phone Number is 403-
9994. Looking forward to you
returning my call. God Bless White
America.

ANGLE - ROOM

Ron hangs up.

Chuck at another Desk spins around looking at Ron like he has
3 Heads.

CHUCK
Did I just hear you use your Real
Name?

RON STALLWORTH
Motherfucker!!!

CHUCK
Yeah, Motherfuckin' Amateur Hour.
What were you thinkin'?

RING!!! RING!!! Ron's Phone. Chuck and Ron stare at it. Chuck
gestures to answer it.

RON STALLWORTH
Motherfuckin' wasn't.

CHUCK
You dialed. Pick it up.

RING! RING! Ron finally answers.

RON STALLWORTH
This is Ron.

Through the Receiver, a Gravelly, Secretive Voice.

DEEP THROAT (O.S.)
This is Ken. Returning your call...
From The Organization.

RON STALLWORTH
The Organization?


DEEP THROAT (O.S.)
Yes. Well we appreciate your
interest. So what is your Story, Ron?

Ron looks around. Shrugs. Might as well do it...

RON STALLWORTH
I Hate Niggers, Jews, Mexicans,
Spics, Chinks but especially Niggers
and anyone else that does not have
pure White Aryan Blood running
through their Veins.

All Heads in the Unit turn toward Ron.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
In fact, my Sister was recently
accosted by a Nigger...

Ron is snarling now, every ounce of his Voice projecting
White Supremacist Hate. He is utterly convincing.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
...Every time I think about that
Black Baboon putting his Filthy Black
Hands on her White as Pure Driven
Snow Body I wanna Puke!!!

Silence on the other end of The Line.

DEEP THROAT (O.S.)
You're just the kind of Guy we're
looking for. When can we meet?

Chuck, Jimmy and all the other White Undercover Cops are
Rolling their Eyes. Stepping away, shaking their heads. Some
wanting to laugh but DON'T.

RON STALLWORTH
How about Friday night? After I get
off work?

The other Cops are losing their minds, Quietly.

DEEP THROAT (O.S.)
Fantastic! I'll get back to you with
details. Take care, Buddy Boy.

RON STALLWORTH
Looking forward to meeting you.

Ron looks around. Everyone in the Unit is standing around his
desk. All White Faces. Looking on, astonished.


CHUCK
Good Luck Ron with your New Redneck
Friend.

The Undercover Gang Cracks Up!
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In the Colorado Springs Police Department's Intelligence Unit, Ron Stallworth makes a critical mistake by using his real name when contacting the Ku Klux Klan through a classified ad. Despite his blunder, he quickly adapts and delivers a convincing racist monologue to a Klan representative, impressing his colleagues who watch in disbelief and amusement. The scene blends tension with dark humor as Ron navigates the dangerous situation, culminating in Chuck's sarcastic farewell to Ron's new 'redneck friend.'
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Heavy subject matter

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful due to its intense and confrontational nature, highlighting the risks and challenges faced by the protagonist. The tension and deception add layers to the narrative, making it a compelling and thought-provoking moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9.3

The concept of a Black police officer infiltrating the Ku Klux Klan is a powerful and thought-provoking idea that raises important questions about race, identity, and morality. It adds a layer of complexity to the story and challenges the audience's perceptions.

Plot: 9.1

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the narrative and showcasing the protagonist's bravery and resourcefulness. It introduces a significant turning point in the story and sets the stage for further conflict and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of racism and undercover operations, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters in the scene are well-defined and compelling, especially the protagonist who must navigate a dangerous situation while maintaining his cover. The supporting characters add depth and tension to the scene, enhancing the overall impact.

Character Changes: 9

The protagonist undergoes a significant transformation in the scene, grappling with his own identity and beliefs as he immerses himself in a dangerous undercover operation. This experience shapes his character arc and sets the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan and gather information. This reflects his desire to prove himself as a capable detective and his commitment to fighting racism.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to establish contact with the Ku Klux Klan and set up a meeting. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in his undercover operation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving internal and external struggles for the protagonist. The clash of ideologies and the high stakes create a palpable sense of danger and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing moral dilemmas and challenges in his undercover operation.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are exceptionally high, as the protagonist risks his life and identity to infiltrate a dangerous hate group. The potential consequences of discovery add tension and urgency to the situation, raising the stakes to a critical level.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a critical plot point and escalating the conflict to new heights. It sets the stage for future developments and raises the stakes for the protagonist and the narrative as a whole.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions and dialogue of the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's true beliefs and the persona he adopts to infiltrate the Klan. It challenges his values and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.3

The scene has a high emotional impact due to its charged subject matter and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters. It elicits strong reactions from the audience and leaves a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 9.4

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, impactful, and drives the tension forward. The exchanges between characters reveal their motivations and inner conflicts, adding layers to the narrative and building suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense dialogue, character dynamics, and the high stakes of the protagonist's mission.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that builds tension and sets up the protagonist's mission effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the absurdity and tension of Ron's undercover operation, showcasing the stark contrast between his true identity and the hateful rhetoric he must adopt. This duality is compelling and highlights the moral complexities of his character.
  • The dialogue is sharp and impactful, particularly Ron's transformation into a convincing white supremacist. However, the use of racial slurs and hate speech, while necessary for the character's disguise, may risk alienating some audience members. It's crucial to balance the portrayal of hate with the underlying critique of such ideologies.
  • The reactions of Ron's colleagues add a layer of humor and disbelief, which lightens the heavy subject matter. However, the scene could benefit from more varied reactions to enhance the comedic effect and showcase the absurdity of the situation further.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, building tension as Ron makes the call and then revealing the absurdity of the situation with the comedic reactions of his colleagues. However, the transition from the serious nature of the call to the comedic aftermath could be smoother to maintain the flow.
  • The visual elements, such as Ron's close-up while making the call and the reactions of his colleagues, are well-executed. However, incorporating more physicality or movement could enhance the scene's dynamism and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of internal conflict for Ron before he makes the call, emphasizing the weight of the hate speech he is about to deliver. This could deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the moral implications of his actions.
  • Explore the reactions of Ron's colleagues further. Perhaps include a few lines of dialogue that express their disbelief or concern, which could add depth to their characters and enhance the comedic aspect of the scene.
  • To balance the heavy themes, consider incorporating a humorous callback or running gag related to Ron's undercover work that could provide levity without undermining the seriousness of the situation.
  • Ensure that the transition between Ron's serious delivery of hate speech and the comedic reactions of his colleagues is seamless. This could involve a brief pause or a visual cue that highlights the absurdity of the moment.
  • Consider using more varied camera angles or shots to capture the reactions of the colleagues, which could enhance the comedic timing and visual interest of the scene.



Scene 15 -  Infiltrating the Klan: A Bold Proposal
28 INT. SERGEANT TRAPP'S OFFICE - CSPD - DAY 28

Ron is facing Sergeant Trapp, who sits at his desk, Jaw hung
slightly open.

SGT. TRAPP
They want you to join The Klan?

RON STALLWORTH
Well... they want to meet me First.

SGT. TRAPP
They want to meet you.

RON STALLWORTH
I'll need another Undercover to go in
my place.

SGT. TRAPP
Yeah... you probably shouldn't go to
that meeting.

RON STALLWORTH
You think?

Everyone has a Chuckle.

SGT. TRAPP
We'd have to go to Narcotics. Meaning
we'd have to deal with Taggert.

RON STALLWORTH
Damn.

29 OMITTED 29

30 OMITTED 30

31 INT. OFFICE OF THE CHIEF OF POLICE - DAY 31

A spacious office, its walls brimming with Books. Chief
Taggert sits behind a wooden desk, his gaze thoughtful.

CHIEF TAGGERT
This is a first for me.

Ron and Sgt. Trapp sit opposite the desk.

Chief Taggert thinks a moment.


CHIEF TAGGERT (CONT'D)
When is this meeting?

SGT. TRAPP
48 hours.

CHIEF TAGGERT
I can't spare any Men.

SGT. TRAPP
I've looked over your Logs and it
seems you can spare them.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Sgt. Trapp, Ron spoke to the Man on
the phone. When they hear the Voice
of one of my Guys, they'll know the
difference.

RON STALLWORTH
Why so, Chief?

CHIEF TAGGERT
Want me to spell it out? He'll know
the difference between how a White
Man talks and a Negro.

RON STALLWORTH
What does a Black Man talk like?

Silence.

SGT. TRAPP
Ron, I think what The Chief is trying
to say is...

RON STALLWORTH
...If you don't mind, I'd like to
talk for myself. How exactly does a
Black Man talk?

CHIEF TAGGERT
You know... YOU KNOW!!!

RON STALLWORTH
Chief, some of us can speak King's
English and Jive. I happen to be
fluent in both.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Ron, how do you propose to make this
investigation?


RON STALLWORTH
I have established contact and
created some familiarity with The
Klansmen over the phone. I will
continue that role but another
Officer, a White Officer, will play
Me when they meet Face to Face. In
essence, there will be Two Ron
Stallworth's, a Black One and a White
One. Of course the challenge is to
convince The Klan at all times they
are dealing with only ONE Ron
Stallworth...THE WHITE RON
STALLWORTH!!!...

CHIEF TAGGERT
...My Point Exactly!!!...

Ron continues talking to Chief Taggert.

RON STALLWORTH
...This other Officer and I will need
to work very closely together. We'll
need to know ever aspect of each
other's dealings with The KKK. Black
Ron Stallworth on The phone and White
Ron Stallworth Face to Face. Every
detail will be critical. We'll have
to create a Flow between us so we
never drop a Beat. So there becomes a
combined Ron Stallworth.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Can you do that?

RON STALLWORTH
I believe we can... With The Right
White Man.

32 INT. HALLWAY - CSPD - DAY 32

Ron steps outside and Chief Taggert follows him.

CHIEF TAGGERT
If anything happens to my Man there
won't be Two Ron Stallworth's.
They'll be none.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Historical"]

Summary In Sergeant Trapp's office, Ron Stallworth discusses the Klan's interest in meeting him, prompting concerns from Trapp and skepticism from Chief Taggert about Ron's ability to infiltrate due to racial speech differences. Ron confidently proposes a dual-identity plan where he handles phone communications while a white officer impersonates him in person. The scene blends tension and humor, highlighting the logistical challenges of the undercover operation, and ends with Taggert expressing concern for the safety of his officers.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of subtlety in racial themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-structured, with a clear purpose of setting up the undercover operation. It effectively develops Ron's character and the racial dynamics within the police department. The dialogue is sharp and confrontational, adding depth to the conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the complexities of undercover work and the racial dynamics at play. It effectively sets up the central conflict of the story and establishes the stakes for Ron's mission.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, as it sets up Ron's undercover assignment and the challenges he will face. It adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the protagonist.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the undercover cop genre by incorporating themes of race and identity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Ron Stallworth and Chief Taggert, are well-developed and their motivations are clear. The interaction between them adds layers to their personalities and drives the conflict forward.

Character Changes: 8

Ron undergoes a subtle change in the scene, as he asserts his identity and challenges Chief Taggert's assumptions. His determination and resilience are highlighted, setting the stage for his undercover operation.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron Stallworth's internal goal is to navigate the challenges of being a black police officer in a predominantly white institution while also infiltrating the Ku Klux Klan. This reflects his desire for acceptance, recognition, and justice.

External Goal: 7

Ron Stallworth's external goal is to successfully infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan and gather information to prevent potential violence or hate crimes. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in his undercover operation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, as Ron negotiates with Chief Taggert for his undercover assignment. The racial tensions and power dynamics create a tense atmosphere that drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting perspectives, motivations, and power dynamics creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is left uncertain of how Ron Stallworth will navigate the challenges he faces.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as Ron negotiates for his undercover assignment and faces the challenges of infiltrating the Ku Klux Klan. The racial tensions and risks involved add intensity to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing Ron's undercover assignment and the challenges he will face. It sets up the central conflict of the narrative and raises the stakes for the protagonist.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics, conflicting motivations, and unexpected revelations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will navigate the challenges they face.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of race, identity, and deception. Chief Taggert's comments on language and identity challenge Ron's beliefs and values, highlighting the complexities of racial dynamics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, as it delves into the racial challenges faced by Ron and the high stakes of his undercover mission. The tension and confrontation between the characters evoke strong emotions.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and impactful. It effectively conveys the tension between the characters and adds depth to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and complex character dynamics. The conflict and stakes are clearly established, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing the audience to engage with the characters' goals and conflicts. The rhythm of the dialogue and actions enhances the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the characters' goals, conflicts, and motivations. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and absurdity of Ron's situation, highlighting the racial dynamics at play. The dialogue between Ron and Sergeant Trapp is humorous yet pointed, showcasing Ron's intelligence and ability to navigate a precarious situation. However, the humor sometimes undermines the gravity of the subject matter, which could be balanced better to maintain the emotional weight of the narrative.
  • The conflict between Ron and Chief Taggert is well-established, but it could benefit from more depth. Taggert's skepticism about Ron's ability to infiltrate the Klan due to racial differences in speech is a critical point, yet it feels somewhat one-dimensional. Exploring Taggert's motivations or fears could add layers to his character and make the conflict more compelling.
  • Ron’s assertion that he can speak both 'King's English and Jive' is a strong moment that showcases his confidence and intelligence. However, the scene could delve deeper into the implications of this statement, perhaps by having Ron reflect on the societal expectations of Black individuals and how they are often pigeonholed into stereotypes.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but there are moments where the dialogue could be tightened. For instance, some exchanges feel repetitive, particularly when Ron and Trapp are discussing the logistics of the undercover operation. Streamlining these conversations could enhance the overall flow and keep the audience engaged.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat ominous note with Taggert's warning about Ron's safety. While this is effective, it could be strengthened by incorporating a visual element that emphasizes the stakes involved, such as a close-up of Ron's face reflecting his determination mixed with concern.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of introspection for Ron after the conversation with Taggert, allowing him to reflect on the absurdity and danger of the situation he is about to undertake.
  • Enhance Taggert's character by providing a line or two that hints at his own biases or fears regarding the Klan, which could create a more nuanced conflict between him and Ron.
  • Incorporate a visual motif or symbol that represents the duality of Ron's undercover identity, perhaps through a prop or setting that reflects the tension between his two roles.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing any redundant lines or phrases that do not add to the character development or plot progression, ensuring each line serves a purpose.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger visual cue or action that reinforces the stakes, such as Ron looking out a window at a Klan rally or a newspaper headline about rising racial tensions.



Scene 16 -  Undercover Preparations
33 INT. INTELLIGENCE UNIT - CSPD - DAY 33

Jimmy tapes a wire to Chuck's Chest. The adhesive curls up,
and Jimmy presses down harder.


CHUCK
Can't believe I'm doing this. Hey,
Jimmy when's the last time they let a
rookie head up an investigation. Oh
that's right, NEVER.

Ron holds his tongue. Jimmy is finished taping him up.

JIMMY
The Mic has been cutting in and out
lately, so watch that.

Ron sidles up to Chuck, plops a Trucker Hat on him. Chuck
turns to Ron outfit on display.

CHUCK
This meet your approval... Sir?

RON STALLWORTH
A Cracker. Perfect for the part.

Chuck gets the joke, frowns, pulling a shirt over The Wire.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
Let's hear it again.

CHUCK
This is the last damn time. Got it.

RON STALLWORTH
Indulge me...

CHUCK
... Ron Stallworth. I do Wholesale
Manufacturing.

RON STALLWORTH
Whereabout?

Chuck sighs.

CHUCK
Pueblo.

JIMMY
What's that commute like?

CHUCK
Straight-shot down I-25. Hour tops.

RON STALLWORTH
Long ride. What do you listen to?


CHUCK
KWYD. Christian Talk in The Morning,
although the Signal starts to cut out
near Pueblo. On the way back I go for
102.7 to get my AC/DC Fix. Only I
have to change The Station every time
that Fag Freddie Mercury pipes on.

RON STALLWORTH
Remember you've got to retain the
details of what you share with them
so I can be White Ron Stallworth.

CHUCK
Jimmy, I always wanted to grow up to
be Black. As a Kid all my Heroes were
Black Guys. Willie Mays, Wilt The
Stilt but my favorite is O.J.

JIMMY
Love Fuckin' O.J.

RON STALLWORTH
Well, don't share your Love of The
Brothers with these Guys. It's
strictly Ajax White Knight Love of
White Folks.

CHUCK
I get to play you but you don't get
to play me. Jimmy, I'd get a kick
outta seeing somebody playing me.

RON STALLWORTH
Oh, I get to play you and Jimmy and
all the other guys in the Station...
Everyday.

Chuck doesn't understand, he looks at Jimmy. Both befuddled.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
Who are you meeting?

CHUCK
Ken O'Dell.

RON STALLWORTH
Become Ken's Friend, get invited
back.

CHUCK
Is that it, Sir?


JIMMY
I'd try to leave out the part where
your Ancestors Killed Jesus Christ.

Ron shoots Chuck a look.

RON STALLWORTH
You're Jewish?
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Biography"]

Summary In this scene, Jimmy tapes a wire to Chuck's chest for an undercover operation, expressing concern about the mic's functionality. Chuck, feeling reluctant and incredulous about his situation, engages in banter with Ron, who humorously critiques Chuck's outfit and offers guidance on his cover story for the meeting with Ken O'Dell. As they discuss Chuck's childhood admiration for Black heroes, Ron advises him to steer clear of discussing his love for Black culture. The scene concludes with a light-hearted exchange about Chuck's Jewish heritage, blending tension with humor.
Strengths
  • Effective humor
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be perceived as insensitive or offensive

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the undercover operation, balancing humor with the seriousness of the task at hand. It provides valuable character development and advances the plot while maintaining engagement.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of preparing for an undercover operation is engaging and well-executed in the scene. It effectively introduces the challenges and dynamics of the operation, setting the stage for future developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as the characters prepare for the undercover operation, introducing new challenges and conflicts. It sets the stage for the upcoming events and adds depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and humor in a tense investigative setting, offering fresh perspectives on racial identity and undercover operations. The dialogue feels authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with their interactions revealing more about their personalities and relationships. The humor and tension between them add depth to their portrayals and make them more relatable.

Character Changes: 7

There is a subtle character change in Chuck as he prepares for the undercover operation, showing a willingness to adapt and take on a new role. Ron's leadership and attention to detail also shine through, setting the stage for future growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to successfully carry out the investigation while maintaining his cover and navigating the challenges of the operation. This reflects his desire for recognition, competence, and the fear of failure.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information from the meeting with Ken O'Dell and establish a connection to further the investigation. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing in the operation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters navigate the challenges of maintaining cover and preparing for the undercover operation. The tension arises from the characters' interactions and the high stakes involved.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and uncertainty, with conflicting goals and challenges for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters prepare for a dangerous undercover operation, risking exposure and potential danger. The importance of maintaining cover and executing the mission successfully adds tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by setting up the undercover operation and introducing new challenges and conflicts. It advances the narrative and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and character interactions that keep the audience guessing about the outcome of the investigation.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's need to maintain a false identity and conform to racial stereotypes for the sake of the investigation, challenging his personal beliefs and values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, primarily stemming from the humor and tension in the characters' interactions. It engages the audience and sets the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and realistic, capturing the humor and seriousness of the situation. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and motivations, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, character dynamics, and the tension of the undercover operation. The humor adds a layer of intrigue to the investigation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the investigation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy investigative scene, with clear character interactions and progression of the investigation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and absurdity of the undercover operation, showcasing the camaraderie between Ron, Jimmy, and Chuck. However, the humor sometimes feels forced, particularly in Chuck's exaggerated admiration for Black heroes, which could come off as insincere or overly simplistic.
  • The dialogue is witty and engaging, but it risks overshadowing the gravity of the situation. While humor is essential in a story dealing with such serious themes, it’s crucial to balance it with moments that reflect the real dangers and stakes involved in the undercover operation.
  • Chuck's character is established as somewhat naive and comical, which works well for comic relief. However, it might be beneficial to add a layer of depth to his character, perhaps by hinting at his own struggles with identity or his motivations for participating in this dangerous mission.
  • The scene transitions smoothly from the previous one, maintaining the tension established by Chief Taggert's warning. However, the stakes could be heightened further by incorporating more visual elements that reflect the seriousness of the undercover operation, such as close-ups of Chuck's anxious expressions or the meticulous preparation of the wire.
  • The dialogue about music and radio stations, while humorous, could be trimmed or made more relevant to the plot. It feels like filler that distracts from the main objective of the scene, which is to prepare Chuck for his role as Ron's stand-in.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of vulnerability for Chuck, where he expresses his fears or doubts about the mission, which would create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as close-ups or reaction shots, to emphasize the tension and stakes of the undercover operation, making the audience feel the weight of the situation.
  • Balance the humor with moments of seriousness by including a brief exchange that highlights the potential dangers of the mission, reminding the audience of the real risks involved.
  • Refine the dialogue to ensure that every line serves a purpose in character development or plot progression, avoiding any unnecessary banter that could detract from the scene's impact.
  • Explore the dynamics of Ron and Chuck's relationship further, perhaps by including a moment where Ron reassures Chuck about his ability to handle the situation, reinforcing their bond and the trust they have in each other.



Scene 17 -  Tension in the Shadows
34 EXT. KWIK INN DINER - PARKING LOT - NIGHT 34

Ron and Jimmy sit in an Unmarked Car. Several yards away,
Chuck stands in The Lot, leaning up against a Boxy Sedan.

35 INT. UNMARKED CAR - NIGHT 35

Ron watches through Binoculars as a Beat-Up, Ivory-colored
Pickup Truck pulls in.

BINOCULARS POV: from the Truck's license plate to a
Confederate Flag Bumper Sticker that reads WHITE PRIDE.

RON STALLWORTH
It's Ken.

Ron writes down The Truck's Plate Number: KE-4108.

36 EXT. KWIK INN DINER - PARKING LOT - NIGHT 36

A White Male, BUTCH, 30's, steps out of The Pickup Truck. He
wears Corduroy Pants, Uncombed Hair to his Neck and a Fu
Manchu. He pulls on a Cigar.

BUTCH
Ron Stallworth?

CHUCK
That's me. And you must be Ken.

BUTCH
Name's Butch.

CHUCK
I was told I'd be meeting with Ken
O'Dell.

BUTCH
Change of plans, Mack. I'm gonna need
you to hop in The Pickup.

Even with his slouched shoulders, Butch towers over Chuck.

CHUCK
Okay, well how about I just follow
you...


BUTCH
...No Can Do. I gotta take you.
Security.

37 INT. UNMARKED CAR - NIGHT 37

Ron and Jimmy each wear Headphones, listening in. They look
at each other...

38 EXT. KWIK INN DINER - PARKING LOT - NIGHT 38

Chuck glances in the direction of Ron's Car, then pulls open
the rusty passenger door of Butch's Pickup.

39 EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT 39

The Pickup flies past. Ron and Jimmy are behind and gaining.

40 INT. BUTCH'S TRUCK - NIGHT 40

Butch adjusts his Rear-View Mirror. Eyes it suspiciously.

BUTCH
You for White Supremacy, Ron?

CHUCK
Hell Yeah!!! Been having some trouble
lately with Local Niggers.

BUTCH
Since The Civil War it's always
trouble with Niggers.
Ken said something about your Sister?

CHUCK
Makes me wanna Puke just thinkin'
'bout it.

41 EXT. HIGHWAY - NIGHT 41

The Pickup speeds up, increasing the distance between the Two
vehicles. Ron's car accelerates.

42 INT. BUTCH'S TRUCK - NIGHT 42

Chuck eyes Ron's Car in the Side-View mirror.

CHUCK
But it's also the, like, camaraderie
I'm looking for, with The Klan.

BUTCH
Da Fuck did you say?


CHUCK
Camaraderie...?

BUTCH
No. The other word.

CHUCK
The Klan...?

BUTCH
...Not "The Klan." It's The
Organization. The Invisible Empire
has managed to stay Invisible for a
reason. Do Not Ever Use That Word.
You understand?

CHUCK
I overstand... Right. The
Organization.

An uncomfortable silence. Butch leers into the Rear-View
mirror.

BUTCH
Check this Shit out... you're never
gonna believe it.

CHUCK
What?

BUTCH
There's a Nigger on our Bumper.

Chuck Freezes.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense nighttime encounter at the Kwik Inn Diner, Ron and Jimmy observe Chuck meeting Butch, a white supremacist. As Butch insists on secrecy and makes aggressive racist remarks, Chuck struggles to maintain his cover while awkwardly navigating the dangerous situation. The tension escalates when Butch notices Ron's car tailing them, leaving Chuck frozen in fear.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Effective character dynamics
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Potential for stereotypical portrayals
  • Lack of deeper exploration of character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the undercover operation, showcasing the risks and challenges faced by the characters. The mix of humor adds depth to the scene, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, focusing on an undercover operation to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan, is compelling and well-executed. It effectively explores the racial dynamics and challenges faced by the characters.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the story, setting up the undercover operation and highlighting the risks involved. It effectively builds tension and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of racism and undercover work, offering a nuanced portrayal of complex characters and moral dilemmas. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are believable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Chuck and Butch engaging in a tense and confrontational interaction. Their personalities and motivations are effectively portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Chuck experiences a shift in perspective and understanding as he navigates the tense interaction with Butch. His character undergoes subtle changes in response to the challenges he faces during the undercover operation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to gather information and maintain his cover while engaging with individuals who hold racist beliefs. This reflects his need to navigate dangerous situations and uphold his principles despite the challenges he faces.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to gather intelligence on a potential threat and prevent any harm from coming to his community. This goal reflects the immediate danger and challenges he faces in his role as an undercover detective.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene has a high level of conflict, with the tension between Chuck and Butch driving the narrative forward. The racial dynamics and the risks involved in the undercover operation add to the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, power struggles, and moral dilemmas that create obstacles for the protagonist and keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in the scene, with Chuck risking his safety and identity to infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan. The potential consequences of the mission add tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the undercover operation and highlighting the risks involved. It advances the plot and sets the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, unexpected revelations, and moral dilemmas that challenge the characters' beliefs and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's moral values and the racist beliefs of the characters he interacts with. This challenges his worldview and forces him to confront the deep-seated prejudices of others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, suspense, and defiance. The confrontational nature of the interaction between Chuck and Butch adds depth to the emotional resonance.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, tense, and confrontational, effectively conveying the dynamics between Chuck and Butch. The humor adds a layer of complexity to the interaction, making it engaging.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense dialogue, and moral complexity. The interactions between characters and the unfolding events keep the audience on edge and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments, character interactions, and plot progression that maintain the audience's interest and drive the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance readability and flow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and a progression of events that build tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by placing Chuck in a precarious situation with Butch, a character who embodies the threat of white supremacy. However, the dialogue could be tightened to enhance the pacing and maintain the tension throughout. Some lines feel a bit drawn out, which could detract from the urgency of the moment.
  • The characterization of Butch is strong, showcasing his intimidating presence and racist ideology. However, Chuck's responses could be more nuanced to reflect his internal conflict. As a Jewish character trying to infiltrate a white supremacist group, his struggle should be more pronounced, adding depth to his character and the scene.
  • The use of humor in Chuck's dialogue, particularly his misunderstanding of the Klan's terminology, is effective in lightening the mood but risks undermining the gravity of the situation. Balancing humor with the serious nature of the undercover operation is crucial to maintain the scene's tension.
  • The visual elements, such as the use of binoculars and the unmarked car, effectively establish the surveillance aspect of the operation. However, more descriptive details about the setting could enhance the atmosphere, making the audience feel the weight of the moment.
  • The transition between the unmarked car and Butch's truck is clear, but the pacing could be improved by intercutting more frequently between Ron and Jimmy's reactions and the dialogue in the truck. This would heighten the tension and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the dialogue to maintain a brisk pace and enhance the urgency of the scene. Focus on key phrases that convey tension without unnecessary elaboration.
  • Deepen Chuck's internal conflict by incorporating more of his thoughts or reactions to Butch's comments, showcasing his discomfort and the stakes of the situation.
  • Balance the humor in Chuck's dialogue with the seriousness of the context. Ensure that any comedic moments do not detract from the overall tension of the scene.
  • Add more descriptive details about the setting to create a more immersive atmosphere. Consider the sounds, smells, and visual cues that could enhance the scene's tension.
  • Increase the frequency of intercutting between Ron and Jimmy's reactions and the dialogue in Butch's truck to create a more dynamic and engaging scene.



Scene 18 -  Tension in the Night
43 INT. UNMARKED CAR - NIGHT 43

JIMMY
He sees us. Back Off.

Ron eases on the Gas.

44 INT. BUTCH'S TRUCK - NIGHT 44

One hand on The Steering Wheel, Butch opens The Glove
compartment in front of Chuck's knees and grabs a Box of
Ammunition.

BUTCH
Let's be ready, case we gotta go and
shoot A Alabama Porch Monkey.

He tosses The Box onto Chuck's lap.


BUTCH (CONT'D)
Look under your seat. Pull it out.

CHUCK
Pull out what?

Butch snaps his finger at Chuck, who jumps.

BUTCH
Under the seat!!!

Chuck reaches to his Feet. Pulls out a SAWED-OFF SHOTGUN.

BUTCH (CONT'D)
Load 'er up. One in The Chamber.

CHUCK
Is it really necessary...?

BUTCH
...I don't recall askin' your opinion
on this matter. Load it.

Chuck dutifully opens up The Box. Pulls out a Shell. Loads it
into The Chamber and pulls the action forward.

CHUCK
Ready to go.

Butch eyes The Rear-View Mirror again. Ron's Car has drifted
much farther back. Butch puffs away at his Cigar.

BUTCH
That's right, Porch Monkey. Don't be
Messin' with us.

CHUCK
The Organization.

BUTCH
Not so fast, Buddy Boy.

45 EXT. CORNER POCKET LOUNGE - PARKING LOT - NIGHT 45

Butch's Pickup turns into The parking lot of A Confederate
Bar.

46 INT. UNMARKED CAR - NIGHT 46

Eyeing The Truck, Ron and Jimmy breathe a sigh of relief.

RON STALLWORTH
Just a Bar.

Ron drives past the lot.


RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
Think he got a good look at My Face?
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense nighttime scene, Butch and Chuck prepare for a confrontation in Butch's truck, with Butch aggressively instructing Chuck to load a sawn-off shotgun despite Chuck's reluctance. As they gear up, Butch expresses hostility towards their perceived threats, Ron and Jimmy, who are watching from an unmarked car. The scene captures the escalating tension and readiness for violence, ultimately ending with Ron and Jimmy feeling relieved as they drive past the bar, uncertain if they were recognized.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • High-stakes confrontation
  • Realistic portrayal of undercover work
Weaknesses
  • Potential for stereotypical portrayal of white supremacists

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the interaction between Chuck and Butch, highlighting the dangerous nature of undercover work and the potential consequences of being exposed.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of putting Chuck in a dangerous situation with a white supremacist effectively highlights the complexities of undercover work and the inherent risks involved.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene as Chuck is faced with a life-threatening situation, adding depth to the narrative and raising the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of racism and prejudice, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the characters and the setting. The level of originality is high.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Chuck and Butch are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting ideologies and the tension between them.

Character Changes: 7

Chuck undergoes a subtle change as he is forced to confront the dangers of his undercover work and the realities of the white supremacist ideology he is infiltrating.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the dangerous situation and maintain control over the escalating tension. This reflects his need for self-preservation and the fear of being caught in a dangerous situation.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information and gather evidence on the criminal activities of the characters in the truck. This reflects his immediate challenge of infiltrating a dangerous group.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with Chuck facing a life-threatening situation and the tension between him and Butch escalating throughout.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a dangerous and unpredictable situation that challenges his abilities and beliefs.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Chuck is faced with a life-threatening situation and the tension between him and Butch reaches a critical point.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by raising the stakes for Chuck and advancing the narrative towards a critical turning point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and the potential for violence, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' next moves.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's values of justice and equality against the antagonist's values of racism and violence. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear and tension in the audience, creating an emotional impact through the high-stakes situation faced by Chuck.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the hostility and danger of the situation, adding to the overall tension of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and escalating tension that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear and concise descriptions of action and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by placing Chuck in a precarious situation with Butch, who is aggressive and threatening. This dynamic highlights the danger of Chuck's undercover role and the stakes involved in infiltrating the Klan. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety; the overtly racist language, while accurate to the characters, risks overshadowing the tension with shock value alone.
  • Butch's character is well-established as a menacing figure, but the scene could delve deeper into Chuck's internal conflict. His reluctance to engage in violence is clear, but exploring his emotional state more vividly could enhance the audience's connection to him. This could be achieved through internal monologue or more nuanced reactions to Butch's commands.
  • The pacing of the scene is effective, but the transition from the truck to the bar could be smoother. The abrupt shift from loading the shotgun to arriving at the bar feels slightly disjointed. A brief moment of reflection or dialogue between Chuck and Butch during the drive could help bridge this gap and maintain the tension.
  • The use of derogatory terms, while reflective of the characters' beliefs, may alienate some viewers. Balancing the authenticity of the dialogue with the need to engage a broader audience is crucial. Consider using more coded language or euphemisms that still convey the characters' racism without being excessively explicit.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the contrast between the unmarked car and Butch's truck. However, incorporating more sensory details—like the sounds of the night or the atmosphere of the bar—could enrich the scene and immerse the audience further into the setting.
Suggestions
  • Add internal monologue for Chuck to express his fear and moral conflict about the violence he is being drawn into. This will create a deeper emotional connection with the audience.
  • Consider softening some of the overtly racist dialogue to maintain authenticity while making it more palatable for a wider audience. This could involve using euphemisms or less explicit language.
  • Include a brief exchange between Chuck and Butch during the drive to the bar to maintain tension and provide a smoother transition between the two locations.
  • Enhance the sensory details of the scene by describing the sounds, smells, and atmosphere of the night and the bar, which will help ground the audience in the setting.
  • Explore Chuck's reactions more thoroughly when he is ordered to load the shotgun. This could involve physical cues, such as trembling hands or a moment of hesitation, to emphasize his discomfort with the situation.



Scene 19 -  Undercover Tensions
47 INT. CORNER POCKET LOUNGE - NIGHT 47

A Cramped and Unfriendly Dive. LOW-LIFES mill about. The Air
filled with Dense Smoke. Pool Balls CRACK-SMACK.

Butch leads Chuck to The Bar Area, where KEN O'DELL, White
Male, 30's, (DEEP THROAT) stands. Ken is affable by nature,
Short and Stocky, with a Crew Cut and small Mustache.

KEN
Ron. Glad you could make it. Ken
O'Dell, Chapter President.

They shake hands.

CHUCK
I appreciate you inviting me out.

Butch lingers like a Bad Smell. Beside him a Drunk Man, DUANE
20's, gives Chuck The Stink Eye.

KEN
I've been impressed talking to you
over The Phone. I feel you have some
fine ideas that could help The Cause.

CHUCK
I meant every word I said.

Chuck's a Natural.

KEN
How 'bout some pool?

Duane hands Chuck a Pool Stick and gathers the Balls.

KEN (CONT'D)
I've had my own share of Run-Ins with
Niggers. Matter of fact, it's part of
what led me to The Organization.

CHUCK
That right?

KEN
It became my salvation. After I was
shot and wounded by some Niggers. And
my Wife... Savagely Raped by a whole
Pack of 'EM.

Chuck nods, expertly feigning sympathy.


48 INT. UNMARKED CAR - NIGHT 48

Ron and Jimmy each wear Headphones, listening in.

JIMMY
Never happened.

Ron cracks a smile.

49 INT. CORNER POCKET LOUNGE - NIGHT 49

Ken and Chuck continue to play pool.

KEN
They're taking over. That's all you
see on the TV. Anymore. Niggers.
Niggers selling Soap, Niggers selling
Automobiles, Niggers selling
Toothpaste, Niggers, Niggers,
Niggers.

DUANE
Wasn't long ago them Sumbitches
wasn't on no TV.

KEN
You forgetting Uncle Ben and Aunt
Jemima.

DUANE
Dang!!! How I forget dem' Niggers?

Duane shakes hands with Chuck.

DUANE (CONT'D)
Name's Duane, by the way.

50 INT. UNMARKED CAR - NIGHT 50

RON STALLWORTH
Mad at Sanford and Son and Flip
Wilson.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In the smoky confines of the Corner Pocket Lounge, Butch introduces Chuck to Ken O'Dell, the Chapter President of a racist organization. As they play pool, Ken shares his violent past and racist ideologies, while Duane, a nearby drunk, reinforces these sentiments. Chuck feigns sympathy, navigating the uncomfortable conversation, while Ron and Jimmy listen from an unmarked car, with Jimmy expressing disbelief at Ken's claims. The scene highlights the tension and discomfort surrounding the discussions of race, ending with Ron questioning Ken's ability to recognize him.
Strengths
  • Effective tension and conflict
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Negative emotional impact
  • Racist themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates tension and conflict through the racist dialogue and confrontational atmosphere. The humor adds a layer of complexity to the interaction, making it engaging and memorable.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of infiltrating the Klan and exploring their racist ideology is compelling and drives the plot forward. The scene effectively introduces the conflict and sets up future developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the interaction between Chuck and Ken O'Dell, revealing the Klan's beliefs and setting up future conflicts. The scene is pivotal in the undercover operation storyline.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the undercover cop genre by exploring themes of racism and prejudice in a seedy bar setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Chuck and Ken O'Dell are well-developed in this scene, with Chuck showcasing his undercover skills and Ken O'Dell representing the racist ideology of the Klan. Their interaction adds depth to their characters.

Character Changes: 7

Chuck's character undergoes a subtle change as he navigates the challenging interaction with Ken O'Dell, showcasing his ability to adapt and maintain his cover. Ken O'Dell remains consistent in his racist beliefs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his cover and gather information from the Chapter President. This reflects his need to succeed in his undercover operation and his fear of being discovered.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gain the trust of the Chapter President and gather intelligence on the organization's activities. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in infiltrating the group.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the clash of ideologies between Chuck and Ken O'Dell leading to tension and hostility. The scene effectively conveys the stakes of the undercover operation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Chapter President's racist views posing a significant challenge to the protagonist's mission.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Chuck risks exposure and danger by interacting with Klan members. The potential consequences of failure in the undercover operation add tension and urgency.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by advancing the undercover operation plot and setting up future conflicts with the Klan. It introduces new challenges and developments for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected racist views expressed by the Chapter President, which challenge the protagonist's beliefs and add tension to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a clear philosophical conflict evident in the scene, as the Chapter President expresses racist views that challenge the protagonist's beliefs in equality and justice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes negative emotions due to the racist dialogue and hostile environment. Chuck's feigned sympathy adds a layer of complexity and some emotional depth to the interaction.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, hostility, and humor of the interaction between Chuck and Ken O'Dell. The racist remarks and Chuck's feigned sympathy create a dynamic exchange.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and the conflict between the protagonist and the Chapter President.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a steady rhythm that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the setting of the Corner Pocket Lounge as a gritty, unfriendly environment, which is crucial for the tone of the narrative. The description of the low-lifes and dense smoke sets the mood well, immersing the audience in the world of the Klan.
  • The dialogue between Ken and Chuck is impactful, showcasing Ken's racist ideology and providing insight into his character. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while it is overtly racist, it lacks nuance that could make Ken's character more complex and believable.
  • Chuck's ability to feign sympathy is a strong point, but the scene could delve deeper into his internal conflict. The audience should feel the tension of Chuck's dual identity more acutely, perhaps through his physical reactions or internal monologue as he navigates this dangerous situation.
  • The use of humor from Ron and Jimmy in the unmarked car provides a necessary contrast to the heavy themes being discussed, but it may come off as jarring if not balanced properly. The humor should serve to enhance the tension rather than detract from it.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The transition between the bar and the unmarked car could be smoother, allowing for a more cohesive flow of tension. The audience should feel the weight of the conversation in the bar while also experiencing Ron and Jimmy's reactions in real-time.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Chuck during his conversation with Ken. This could be achieved through brief internal thoughts or physical cues that indicate his discomfort with the racist rhetoric.
  • Enhance Ken's character by incorporating more subtlety in his dialogue. Instead of overtly stating his past experiences, he could hint at them, allowing the audience to infer his motivations and background.
  • Refine the humor from Ron and Jimmy to ensure it complements the tension rather than undermines it. Perhaps include a moment where their humor is interrupted by a particularly shocking statement from Ken, heightening the stakes.
  • Improve the transitions between the bar and the unmarked car by interspersing more reactions from Ron and Jimmy as they listen. This could create a more dynamic interplay between the two settings and maintain the audience's engagement.
  • Consider using visual cues to emphasize the atmosphere of the bar, such as close-ups of Chuck's expressions or the reactions of other patrons, to heighten the sense of danger and discomfort in the scene.



Scene 20 -  Camaraderie in Darkness
51 INT. CORNER POCKET LOUNGE - NIGHT 51

KEN
I'm a Fireman on the Lakewood Fire
Department. All you get now is how we
gotta' cater to them. We gotta' get
us some "Minorities" in the
Department. Watch ya' mouth, don't
say this, don't say that, be nice,
they're not Negroes, they're not
Colored, they're Black now.


BUTCH
They're fuckin' Goddamn Niggers!

KEN
Shit, we live up there together in
the Fire House, all of us as a Team,
We don't need some stinkin' Coons
sleeping up there with us. For Fuck's
sake!!!

Chuck shakes his head.

CHUCK
I been saying this stuff for years.

BUTCH
You ain't the only one.

CHUCK
You don't know how good it is to hear
someone that gets it.

Chuck looks around. Gets quiet.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
What kinda stuff you Guys do?

Duane swigs his Beer.

DUANE
You know, Cross burnings. Marches and
stuff so people don't Fuck wit' us.

CHUCK
I'm tired of people Fuckin' with me.

KEN
You come to the right place cuz'
Nobody Fucks with us. How much you
know about The History?

CHUCK
Some...I could know more.

KEN
We'll teach you.

DUANE
This year's gonna be big for us.

CHUCK
How so?

Duane moves in closer. Balls his hand in a fist, then opens
it quickly.


DUANE
BOOM!!! We're gonna make Fireworks,
yes we are...

Ken swoops in.

KEN
...Duane talking nonsense again? Kid
can't hold his Beer fer Shit. The
Organization is strictly Non-
Violent...

DUANE
...Like dat Dead Nigger Martin Luther
Coon.

CHUCK
Gotcha.

Chuck looks down at his Shirt -- the Top Button has flapped
off again. The next button would mean The End. CURTAINS.

He quickly buttons it. Then...

KEN
Say, Ron? Mind coming with me?

CHUCK
Where to?

BUTCH
You Undercover or something? You ask
too many questions. Let's GO!!!


Behind Ken, Butch is Laser-Focused on Chuck's every move.
Chuck sees it.

Ken points to a door. Chuck walks forward, with Ken, Duane,
and Butch tailing from behind.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a gritty bar setting, Ken, Butch, Chuck, and Duane engage in a tense conversation filled with racist rhetoric about minorities and the fire department. Ken expresses disdain for Black individuals in the firehouse, while Butch and Chuck support him. Duane hints at violent activities, but Ken downplays them as non-violent. Chuck, intrigued by their ideology, seeks to learn more, despite his caution. The scene culminates with Ken inviting Chuck to follow him, as Butch closely watches Chuck's actions, highlighting the group's extremist views and the dark camaraderie that binds them.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Realistic portrayal of racism
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Negative themes
  • Hostile interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and hostility of the situation, drawing the audience into the dangerous world of undercover operations and racial extremism.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of infiltrating a white supremacist group and exploring their racist ideologies is compelling and adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, revealing the dangerous nature of the undercover operation and the risks involved in dealing with extremist groups.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring racism and prejudice within a group of firefighters, highlighting the disturbing nature of their beliefs and actions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with their racist beliefs and aggressive behavior adding layers to the narrative and creating a sense of conflict.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the exposure to racist ideologies and aggressive behavior may impact the characters' development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to fit in and gain acceptance within the group of firefighters, even if it means compromising his own values.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal is to learn more about the group's activities and potentially become involved in them.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and hostile, with the characters' racist beliefs and aggressive behavior leading to escalating tensions and dangerous confrontations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters holding conflicting beliefs and values that create tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters navigate a dangerous world of racism and extremism, risking their safety and well-being in pursuit of their mission.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing the dangerous nature of the undercover operation and the risks involved in dealing with white supremacist groups.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' volatile and unpredictable behavior, creating a sense of tension and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between racist beliefs and values and the protagonist's own moral compass. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values by presenting him with a group that holds abhorrent views.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of negative emotions, including tension, unease, and hostility, drawing the audience into the dangerous world of racism and extremism.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' racist attitudes and aggressive interactions, adding depth to their personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its intense and provocative dialogue, which keeps the audience on edge and invested in the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear dialogue and scene descriptions that enhance the tension.

Structure: 7

The structure of the scene follows a typical dialogue-driven format for its genre, effectively conveying the tense and confrontational atmosphere.


Critique
  • The dialogue in this scene effectively captures the racist attitudes of the characters, but it risks becoming overly repetitive. The use of derogatory terms and phrases could be balanced with more nuanced dialogue to avoid alienating the audience. While the intent is to showcase the ignorance and hatred of these characters, it may benefit from moments of contrast or internal conflict to deepen their characterization.
  • Chuck's character development is somewhat lacking in this scene. While he expresses agreement with the racist sentiments, it would be more impactful if he displayed a moment of hesitation or internal struggle. This could create a more complex portrayal of his character, highlighting the conflict between his undercover role and his personal beliefs.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly towards the end. The transition from casual conversation to Ken's invitation for Chuck to follow him could be more gradual, allowing for a buildup of tension. This would enhance the suspense and make the audience more invested in Chuck's predicament.
  • The visual elements could be more vividly described to enhance the atmosphere of the dive bar. Details about the setting, such as the smoky environment, dim lighting, and the physical demeanor of the characters, would help immerse the audience in the scene and emphasize the tension.
  • The ending of the scene feels abrupt. While it effectively sets up the next moment, it could benefit from a stronger emotional or thematic conclusion. A line or action that encapsulates Chuck's internal conflict or foreshadows the danger he is stepping into would provide a more satisfying closure.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of internal conflict for Chuck, where he questions his alignment with the racist views being expressed. This could be shown through a brief flashback or a moment of reflection that highlights his discomfort.
  • Introduce a contrasting character or moment within the scene that challenges the racist rhetoric, even if subtly. This could provide a counterpoint to the dominant attitudes and enrich the dialogue.
  • Slow down the pacing towards the end of the scene. Allow for a moment of tension where Chuck contemplates the implications of following Ken, perhaps through a lingering shot or a pause in dialogue that emphasizes his apprehension.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the dive bar to create a more immersive atmosphere. Describe the sounds, smells, and physical interactions between characters to draw the audience into the setting.
  • Add a closing line or action that encapsulates Chuck's internal struggle or foreshadows the danger ahead. This could be a moment of hesitation before he follows Ken or a line that reflects his awareness of the risks involved.



Scene 21 -  Identity Tested
52 INT. UNMARKED CAR - NIGHT 52

JIMMY
Where they going?

Ron's Face falls.

RON STALLWORTH
Lost the damn signal.

53 INT. BACK ROOM - CORNER POCKET LOUNGE -NIGHT 53

The Men move single-file through the door, Chuck first. It's
a small room, with a wooden table and some rickety chairs.


KEN
Congrats you passed The Mustard.

Ken exchanges uneasy looks with Butch.

KEN (CONT'D)
Thought we'd get the Membership
process started.

Chuck can breathe again.

CHUCK
Now we're talkin'.

Ken hands Chuck a stack of papers.

KEN
Fill these out and Mail 'em to The
National Headquarters. Once they send
your Membership Card, you'll be able
to participate in our Programs.

Chuck sings The Alcoa Jingle.

CHUCK
Alcoa Can't wait.

DUANE
I like that Commercial.

KEN
Membership Fees: Ten Dollars for The
Year. Fifteen Dollar Chapter Fee.
Robes and Hood not included, that's
Extra.

BUTCH
Fuckin' Inflation.

Chuck shakes hands with all.

CHUCK
I can't thank you Brothers enough.

KEN
Pleasure, is all ours.

Butch and Duane give polite nods.

KEN (CONT'D)
I'll take you back to your Car.

As Chuck turns to leave...


BUTCH
You're not a Jew, right?

Chuck stops.

CHUCK
You trying to offend me?

Chuck turns to Ken: you believe this Shit?

BUTCH
It's Protocol.

All eyes on Chuck. His face flares with rage.

CHUCK
'Course I'm no Stinkin' Kike.

KEN
We gotta ask it, is all. I'm
satisfied. How about you Guys?

Duane nods. Butch just stares.

BUTCH
Smells good to me.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a dimly lit back room of the Corner Pocket Lounge, Chuck celebrates passing 'The Mustard' test and begins the membership process with Ken and others. However, the mood shifts when Butch questions Chuck's ethnicity, provoking an angry response from Chuck as he asserts his identity. Ken attempts to calm the situation, and after a tense moment, the group appears to accept Chuck's reaction, restoring a sense of camaraderie.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential for offensive content
  • Limited character growth in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through confrontational dialogue and defensive reactions. The mix of humor adds depth to the interactions, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the initiation process into a racist organization is effectively portrayed, highlighting the uncomfortable interactions and defensive posturing of the characters. It adds depth to the exploration of racism and prejudice.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Chuck goes through the initiation process, revealing the inner workings of the racist organization. It adds layers to the overall story and sets up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of discrimination and identity within a secretive organization. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative, making it a unique and engaging scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with Chuck navigating the uncomfortable situation with a mix of humor and defensiveness. Ken, Butch, and Duane are portrayed convincingly, adding depth to the interactions.

Character Changes: 8

Chuck undergoes a subtle change as he navigates the initiation process, showing a mix of humor, defensiveness, and discomfort. The other characters also reveal different facets of their personalities through their interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

Chuck's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the uncomfortable situation he finds himself in and maintain his composure despite the offensive question about his religion. This reflects his need to fit in and be accepted by the group, as well as his fear of being ostracized or judged.

External Goal: 7

Chuck's external goal is to complete the membership process and join the organization. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene, which is to navigate the initiation process and gain acceptance from the group.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with Chuck facing uncomfortable questions and challenges during the initiation process. The tension between the characters adds depth to the conflict and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as Chuck is faced with a difficult and uncomfortable situation that challenges his sense of identity and values. The audience is left unsure of how he will navigate the conflict, adding a layer of unpredictability and tension to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Chuck goes through the initiation process, facing uncomfortable questions and challenges that could have serious consequences. The scene highlights the risks and dangers of belonging to a racist organization.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the inner workings of the racist organization and setting up future conflicts and developments. It adds depth to the overall narrative and drives the plot towards new challenges.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected question about Chuck's religion and his fiery response, which adds a layer of tension and conflict to the narrative. The audience is left unsure of how the characters will react, creating a sense of suspense and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the group's discriminatory beliefs and Chuck's sense of identity and dignity. The question about his religion challenges his values and worldview, as he is forced to confront prejudice and bigotry.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and discomfort to humor and defensiveness. The interactions between the characters create an emotional impact that resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and laced with humor. It effectively conveys the tension and discomfort of the initiation process, showcasing the characters' personalities and beliefs.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense interactions and conflicts between the characters, as well as the suspenseful atmosphere created by the writer's unique voice. The dialogue and actions keep the audience on edge, eager to see how the situation will unfold.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of confrontation between the characters. The rhythm and flow of the dialogue contribute to the scene's effectiveness by creating a sense of unease and anticipation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear and concise descriptions of the setting and characters. The dialogue is formatted in a way that enhances the flow and readability of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of confrontation between the characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness by creating a sense of unease and anticipation.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the dialogue and interactions among the characters, particularly with Chuck's precarious position as he navigates the racist environment. However, the transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother. The abrupt shift from Ron's perspective in the car to Chuck's experience in the back room feels disjointed. A brief moment of reflection from Ron before the cut could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Chuck's initial relief at passing 'The Mustard' test is palpable, but the subsequent dialogue lacks depth in exploring his internal conflict. While he expresses gratitude, the scene could benefit from a moment of introspection where Chuck reflects on the implications of his actions and the group he is associating with. This would add layers to his character and heighten the stakes.
  • The dialogue is effective in showcasing the absurdity of the Klan's membership process, particularly with the mention of fees and the jingle. However, the humor could be more sharply contrasted with the underlying tension. For instance, after Chuck sings the jingle, a brief pause or a reaction shot from Butch or Ken could emphasize the discomfort of the situation, reminding the audience of the serious nature of the Klan's ideology.
  • The moment where Butch questions Chuck about his ethnicity is a pivotal point in the scene, but it feels rushed. The buildup to this question could be enhanced by adding more dialogue or actions that foreshadow Butch's suspicion. This would create a more suspenseful atmosphere as Chuck grapples with the potential consequences of his answer.
  • The ending of the scene, with Butch's stare and Chuck's angry response, is impactful but could be strengthened by a visual cue that emphasizes the tension. A close-up shot of Chuck's face as he reacts could convey his internal struggle more effectively, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Ron's internal reflection before transitioning to Chuck's scene to create a smoother narrative flow.
  • Incorporate a moment of introspection for Chuck after he passes the test, allowing him to grapple with the moral implications of his actions.
  • Enhance the contrast between humor and tension by including reaction shots or pauses after Chuck's jingle to remind the audience of the serious context.
  • Build up to Butch's question about Chuck's ethnicity with more dialogue or actions that hint at Butch's suspicion, increasing the suspense.
  • Use a close-up shot of Chuck's face during the final moments of the scene to emphasize his emotional turmoil and the gravity of the situation.



Scene 22 -  Wire Removal and Klan Absurdities
54 INT. INTELLIGENCE UNIT - CSPD - NIGHT 54

Ron helps Chuck rip The Wire off his Chest.

CHUCK
You have me dressed like one of
the Beverly Hillbillies for
Chrissakes. I felt too Redneck for
those Guys.

RON STALLWORTH
They liked you.

CHUCK
Except for that Butch guy. And didja
have to ride his Bumper like that?

RON STALLWORTH
You got The Papers. They want you to
join.

CHUCK
Technically they want you to join.

RON STALLWORTH
They want a Black Man to join The Ku
Klux Klan. I'd call that Mission
Impossible Double Success.


CHUCK
Remember what Yogi Berra said "It
Ain't Ovah 'Till It's Ovah".

RON STALLWORTH
I never liked The Yankees. I'm a
Brooklyn Dodgers Guy, Jackie
Robinson.

55 INT. SERGEANT TRAPP'S OFFICE - CSPD - DAY 55

Sergeant Trapp sits at his desk, thumbing through The Report.
Ron and Chuck stand across from him.

SGT. TRAPP
And exactly how much should we be
worrying about them?

RON STALLWORTH
Enough that we'd like to dig deeper.
One of the Men discussed plans for a
possible Attack...

CHUCK
...I wouldn't give him that much
credit. These Yahoos like to Boast.

SGT. TRAPP
What kind of Attack?

Ron looks to Chuck.

CHUCK
Duane said "BOOM", mentioned
something about Fireworks.
Personally, I didn't buy it. Doubt
they're even capable.

Trapp bridges his hands together, contemplating.

RON STALLWORTH
Either way, we're looking for full
support from The Department.

SGT. TRAPP
Taggert might not be happy his Star
Narc is gonna be stuck on this Case.

Ron just stares at Trapp.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Ron assists Chuck in removing a wire from his chest, humorously lamenting Chuck's appearance while Chuck jokes about feeling like a 'Beverly Hillbilly.' They discuss the ridiculousness of a Black man potentially joining the Ku Klux Klan, before transitioning to Sergeant Trapp's office where they analyze a report on a possible Klan attack. Chuck downplays the threat, while Ron stresses the need for departmental support, leading to Trapp's concerns about the implications for another officer. The scene blends humor with tension, highlighting the absurdity of the situation amidst serious threats.
Strengths
  • Tension-building dialogue
  • Realistic character interactions
  • Effective plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of visual variety in the setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and skepticism through dialogue and character interactions, setting the stage for a high-stakes operation. The mix of humor and seriousness adds depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of infiltrating a racist organization through an undercover operation is compelling and adds depth to the overall plot, showcasing the risks and challenges faced by the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses effectively in this scene, setting up the undercover operation and introducing the conflict and stakes involved in infiltrating the Klan. The scene moves the story forward and adds layers to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of racial tensions and undercover investigations, with authentic dialogue and character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with each displaying their doubts, concerns, and motivations. The interactions between Ron, Chuck, and Sergeant Trapp add depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

The characters display subtle changes in their attitudes and perspectives, particularly Chuck as he navigates the risks of the undercover operation. The scene sets up potential character growth in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complexities of infiltrating the Ku Klux Klan while dealing with racial tensions and personal beliefs.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather support from the department for further investigation into a possible attack being planned by the Klan.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with tensions rising as the characters discuss the risks and challenges of the undercover operation. The skepticism and doubts add to the conflict.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and motivations that create obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters discuss the risks and challenges of infiltrating a racist organization. The potential for danger and deception adds to the intensity of the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the undercover operation and introducing the conflict and stakes involved. It lays the groundwork for future developments and plot twists.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the uncertain outcome of the investigation and the conflicting motivations of the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle with infiltrating a hate group while maintaining his personal values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a sense of concern and doubt from the audience, as the characters navigate the risks and challenges of the undercover operation. The tension adds to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and realistic, effectively conveying the tension and skepticism surrounding the undercover operation. The banter between characters adds humor and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue and the high stakes of the investigation.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear dialogue and action that advances the plot.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Ron and Chuck effectively captures their camaraderie and the absurdity of the situation, particularly with Chuck's humorous reference to the Beverly Hillbillies. However, the humor could be enhanced by incorporating more specific references to the Klan's ideology or actions, which would deepen the irony of Chuck's situation.
  • The transition from the first part of the scene to Sergeant Trapp's office feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the narrative and provide a clearer connection between the two settings. Consider adding a brief moment that bridges the two locations, perhaps a line from Ron or Chuck that reflects on their recent experiences before entering Trapp's office.
  • The stakes in the conversation with Sergeant Trapp could be heightened. While Ron and Chuck express concern about a potential attack, the scene lacks a sense of urgency. Adding more tension in their dialogue or physical reactions could emphasize the seriousness of the threat they are discussing.
  • The characterization of Sergeant Trapp comes off as somewhat one-dimensional. While he serves as a skeptical authority figure, adding layers to his character—such as a personal stake in the investigation or a backstory that informs his skepticism—could make him more compelling and relatable.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual elements that reflect the tension and stakes involved. For instance, incorporating details about the setting—like the cluttered desk in Trapp's office or the expressions on Ron and Chuck's faces—could enhance the atmosphere and provide a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two that reflects on the absurdity of a Black man infiltrating the KKK, perhaps through a humorous anecdote or a pointed observation from Ron or Chuck.
  • Introduce a moment of physicality or action as Ron and Chuck enter Trapp's office, such as them taking a deep breath or exchanging a worried glance, to convey the tension before discussing the potential attack.
  • Enhance Trapp's character by giving him a personal connection to the case or a reason for his skepticism, which could lead to a more dynamic interaction with Ron and Chuck.
  • Incorporate more visual descriptions of the setting and characters' body language to create a more vivid atmosphere, helping to convey the tension and stakes of the conversation.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger hook or cliffhanger that leaves the audience eager to see how the investigation unfolds, perhaps by having Trapp express a surprising decision or concern that complicates the situation.



Scene 23 -  Dinner of Dissonance
56 INT. ITALIAN BISTRO - NIGHT 56

Ron and Patrice sit across from each other, already eating.
Patrice's attire more lax, but still in her Black Leather
Jacket.


PATRICE
Most Brothers would give up after the
first time they unsuccessfully asked
me out.

RON STALLWORTH
I didn't have a good shot the first
time. You were pretty taken with
Kwame.

They both have to laugh. Patrice thinks back on it.

PATRICE (CONT'D)
The next day when we dropped him off
at the Airport he told me the
Movement needed Strong Sistah's like
me to lead the fight against
Capitalist oppression and The
Politicians and Pigs who perpetuate
it. His words almost made that whole
nightmare worth while...

Ron goes Mute.

PATRICE (CONT'D)
...What's wrong?

RON STALLWORTH
I don't really use that word.

PATRICE
What word?

RON STALLWORTH
Pigs.

PATRICE
What else would you call them?

RON STALLWORTH
Cops... Police...

PATRICE
Bunch of Racist Cops on a Power Trip.

RON STALLWORTH
So you think all Cops are Racist!!!

PATRICE
It only takes One to pull a Trigger
on a Innocent Brother.

RON STALLWORTH
I can't argue with that.


Patrice absorbs all of this.

PATRICE
Why were you at Brother Kwame's
Speech?

RON STALLWORTH
He's got some good ideas. I don't
agree with all of them but he's a
smart Brother who's worth hearing.

PATRICE
Are you Down for The Liberation of
Black People?

RON STALLWORTH
Do we always have to talk about
Politics?

PATRICE
What's more important?

RON STALLWORTH
You ever take any time off from The
Black Revolution?

PATRICE
I, We can't afford too.

Ron reaches across the table and takes Patrice's Hand.
Patrice pulls her Hand back.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
Angela Davis, can we spend some
quality time together.

PATRICE
And what did you say your J-O-B is?

RON STALLWORTH
Kathleen Cleaver, I didn't?

PATRICE
Are You A Pig?

RON STALLWORTH
You mean A Cop?

PATRICE
You A Cop?

RON STALLWORTH
NO!!! I'm a Black Man who wants to
get to know A Strong, Intelligent,
Beautiful Sista.


Patrice smiles.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In an intimate Italian bistro, Ron and Patrice engage in a heated yet flirtatious discussion about their differing views on police and politics. Patrice passionately advocates for Black liberation and systemic change, while Ron attempts to connect with her despite his discomfort with some of her assertions. Their chemistry is palpable, but Patrice remains guarded about her feelings and Ron's profession. The scene captures the tension between their budding relationship and their conflicting beliefs, ending on a hopeful note as Patrice smiles at Ron's compliment, hinting at a potential softening of her stance.
Strengths
  • Rich character development
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Exploration of complex themes
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of action or external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into the complex dynamics between the characters, setting up a conflict while also showcasing moments of connection and understanding.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the clash of ideologies and values between Ron and Patrice is compelling, adding depth to their characters and setting up potential conflicts in the narrative.

Plot: 8

The scene contributes to character development and sets up potential conflicts in the story, particularly regarding the differing perspectives on activism and law enforcement.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh approach to exploring themes of racism, police brutality, and social justice through the lens of a romantic relationship. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and resonate with contemporary issues.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Ron and Patrice are well-developed characters with distinct beliefs and personalities, which are effectively showcased through their interactions in the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Ron and Patrice experience subtle shifts in their perspectives and understanding of each other, setting the stage for potential growth and conflict in their relationship.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to connect with Patrice on a deeper level and understand her perspective on social issues. This reflects his desire for genuine connection and empathy.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to establish a romantic connection with Patrice. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating their differing beliefs and backgrounds.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains a significant level of conflict, primarily stemming from the ideological clash between Ron and Patrice regarding law enforcement and activism.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotional stakes that create tension and conflict between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their conversation.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as the characters' differing beliefs and values could lead to significant conflicts and challenges in their relationship and the overall narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the relationship between Ron and Patrice, introducing conflicts that may impact future events in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the shifting power dynamics between them. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conversation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on racism, police brutality, and the Black Revolution. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, forcing him to confront his own biases and assumptions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to introspection, as the characters navigate their differing beliefs and values.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, revealing the characters' inner thoughts and beliefs while driving the conflict and emotional depth of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional dynamics between the characters, the thought-provoking dialogue, and the exploration of complex social issues. The audience is drawn into the characters' conflicting perspectives and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and emotional resonance through well-crafted dialogue and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene enhances the thematic depth and narrative impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-paced and engaging, enhancing the overall impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' emotions and motivations.


Critique
  • The dialogue effectively captures the tension between Ron and Patrice, showcasing their differing views on race and policing. However, the scene could benefit from more subtext to deepen their connection and the stakes of their conversation. The dialogue feels somewhat on-the-nose at times, particularly when discussing the term 'pigs.' This could be nuanced to reflect their complex feelings without explicitly stating them.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. While the initial banter is engaging, the transition into heavier political discussions feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow and keep the audience invested in their relationship dynamics.
  • Patrice's character is strong and assertive, but her responses could be more varied to reflect a range of emotions. For instance, when Ron reaches for her hand, her reaction could include a moment of vulnerability or hesitation, adding depth to her character and the tension in their relationship.
  • The scene lacks a clear visual motif or setting detail that enhances the emotional stakes. The Italian bistro setting could be used more effectively to reflect the characters' internal conflicts or the societal issues they are discussing. For example, the ambiance could mirror the tension in their conversation, perhaps through the reactions of other diners or the atmosphere of the restaurant.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing the characters to express their feelings and beliefs without directly stating them. This can create a richer, more engaging conversation.
  • Smooth out the pacing by incorporating transitional dialogue or actions that bridge the light-hearted banter and the serious political discussion, maintaining the audience's engagement throughout.
  • Explore Patrice's character further by allowing her to show a wider range of emotions in response to Ron's advances. This could create a more dynamic interaction and highlight the complexities of their relationship.
  • Utilize the setting of the Italian bistro to enhance the emotional stakes of the scene. Consider incorporating background elements or reactions from other patrons that reflect the tension of the conversation.



Scene 24 -  Undercover Realities
57 INT. CSPD INTELLIGENCE UNIT - RON'S DESK - NIGHT 57

It's late. Ron is the only Officer working, filling out a
Police Report and sipping a mug of Hot Lipton Tea with Honey.
Suddenly...

The Undercover Line rings. Ron freezes. Picks up the line.

RON STALLWORTH
This is Ron.

KEN (O.S.)
This is Ken. This is Ron? Your Voice
sounds different over The Phone.

Ron has to THINK FAST.

RON STALLWORTH
Allergies acting up again.

A steady Beat of Silence on The Line. Then...

KEN (O.S.)
...Yeah, I get that all the time.

Ron waits for the response.

KEN (O.S.)(CONT'D)
Well, just thought I'd say it was
great having you swing by. The
Brothers really took a liking to you.

Ron squeezes his fist. Victory. Trying to stay nonchalant:

RON STALLWORTH
I'm honored.

KEN (O.S.)
Why don't you come by Butch's this
Saturday? Meet the rest of The
Brotherhood.

58 INT. CSPD HALLWAY - DAY 58

Sgt. Trapp and Ron walk and talk.

SGT. TRAPP
Looks like the thing all these Racist
Groups want now, including the Klan,
is to become Mainstream.

RON STALLWORTH
Really.


SGT. TRAPP
I've got a friend keeps up with these
Groups. He says they're moving away
from the Ole Violent Racist style.
That's what Duke is peddling now.

RON STALLWORTH
Duke?

SGT. TRAPP
David Duke current Grand Wizard of
The Klan but he's clearly got his
Sights on Higher Office.

RON STALLWORTH
Political Office? How so?

SGT. TRAPP
Yeah, I guess they're trying to move
away from Selling Hate and moving
toward Selling Grievance.

RON STALLWORTH
Keep going.

SGT. TRAPP
Affirmative Action, Immigration,
Crime, Tax Reform, Welfare Cheats. He
said no one wants to be called a
Bigot anymore. Archie Bunker made
that too Un-Cool. The idea is in the
guise of all these issues, everyday
Americans can accept it, support it,
until eventually, one day, you get
somebody in The White House that
embodies it.

RON STALLWORTH
America would never elect somebody
like David Duke President of the
United States of America?

Sgt. Trapp just stares at Ron for a long moment.

SGT. TRAPP
For a Black Man, you're pretty naive.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Ron Stallworth, working late at the CSPD Intelligence Unit, receives a call from an undercover contact, Ken, who invites him to meet more members of a racist group after Ron cleverly attributes his different voice to allergies. The next day, Ron discusses with Sgt. Trapp the evolving tactics of racist groups, particularly focusing on David Duke's political ambitions. Trapp warns Ron about the dangers of underestimating the potential normalization of such figures in American politics, leaving Ron to grapple with the sobering implications of their conversation.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Informative dialogue
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and provides crucial information about the undercover operation, setting the stage for future developments. The dialogue is engaging and informative, offering insights into the characters' motivations and the larger societal context.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of infiltrating a hate group and exploring the nuances of racism and extremism is compelling and relevant. The scene effectively conveys the challenges and complexities of undercover work within law enforcement.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and significant, as it sets up the undercover operation and introduces key conflicts and themes that will drive the narrative forward. It effectively establishes the stakes and the risks involved in the mission.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on the issue of racism and white supremacy, presenting nuanced discussions and character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and add depth to the storyline, especially in the context of the undercover operation.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and revelations contribute to the development of the characters' relationships and motivations, setting the stage for potential growth in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his cover as an undercover officer while navigating a conversation with a member of a racist group. This reflects his need to succeed in his mission and his fear of being exposed.

External Goal: 7.5

Ron's external goal is to gather information about the racist group's plans and activities. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in infiltrating the group and preventing any potential harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a moderate level of conflict, primarily stemming from the risks and challenges of the undercover operation, as well as the ideological differences between the characters. The tension adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and hidden agendas creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will navigate the challenges.

High Stakes: 8

The scene conveys the high stakes involved in the undercover operation, highlighting the risks faced by the officers and the potential consequences of infiltrating a dangerous hate group. The tension is palpable, adding urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing the undercover operation, introducing key conflicts and themes, and setting up future plot developments. It lays the groundwork for the narrative to unfold.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the conversation and the moral ambiguity of the characters' actions. The audience is left unsure of the outcome and the characters' motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between racist ideologies and the values of equality and justice. This challenges Ron's beliefs in the inherent goodness of people and the importance of fighting against discrimination.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of intrigue and concern, drawing the audience into the high-stakes world of undercover police work and the dangers of confronting hate groups. The emotional impact is subtle but effective.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, informative, and realistic, capturing the tension and dynamics between the characters. It effectively conveys crucial information about the undercover mission and the challenges faced by the officers.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tense atmosphere, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The dialogue and interactions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, allowing for moments of reflection and character development. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the overall impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and contributes to the overall flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and a progression of tension and conflict. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue through the phone call between Ron and Ken, showcasing Ron's quick thinking and ability to adapt under pressure. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the stakes of the conversation. While Ron's response about allergies is clever, it feels a bit too convenient and could be made more nuanced to reflect the weight of the situation.
  • The transition from the phone call to the conversation with Sgt. Trapp is somewhat abrupt. While it serves to advance the plot, the emotional impact could be heightened by incorporating Ron's internal thoughts or reactions to the call. This would allow the audience to feel the weight of his undercover work and the risks involved.
  • Sgt. Trapp's dialogue about the changing tactics of racist groups is informative but could be more engaging. The exposition feels a bit heavy-handed, and it might benefit from a more dynamic exchange or a personal anecdote that illustrates the shift in strategy. This would help ground the information in character experience rather than just exposition.
  • The final line from Sgt. Trapp is impactful, but it could be strengthened by adding a visual cue or a reaction shot from Ron that emphasizes his naivety and the gravity of the situation. This would enhance the emotional resonance of the moment and leave the audience with a stronger impression.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Ron's dialogue during the phone call to create a sense of urgency and tension. This could involve him revealing more about his feelings regarding the Klan or his fears about being discovered.
  • Incorporate Ron's internal monologue or reactions after the phone call to provide insight into his emotional state and the risks he faces as an undercover officer.
  • Revise Sgt. Trapp's dialogue to include a personal story or anecdote that illustrates the changing tactics of racist groups, making the exposition feel more organic and relatable.
  • Enhance the final moment with a visual cue or reaction shot from Ron that underscores the weight of Trapp's statement, allowing the audience to fully grasp the implications of the conversation.



Scene 25 -  A Warm Welcome to Darkness
59 EXT. UNMARKED CAR - DAY 59

Ron rolls to the curb in a Middle Class Neighborhood. He
pulls on Headphones and looks out his Window where...


60 EXT. BUTCH'S HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - DAY 60

A well manicured yard. Pristine. A very Green Healthy lawn.
Chuck rings The Doorbell.

The Screen Door is opened by LOUISE, White Woman, 30's,
Proper and Good-Looking. A Gold Cross dangles from her Neck.

LOUISE
Ron! So nice to meet you. I'm Louise,
Butch's Wife.

Louise hugs him.

CHUCK
Great to meet you.

Chuck walks in. She takes his Coat.

LOUISE
The Boys are right inside. Can I get
you something to drink? Iced Tea,
Fresh-Squeezed Lemonade?

Butch appears, making Chuck jump.

BUTCH
How 'bout a Beer?

CHUCK
Heya Butch. Beer is great.

ANGLE - LIVING ROOM

A handful of KLAN MEMBERS lounge on a Set of Fold-Up Chairs.

There are Chips, Snacks. Present are Duane, Ken and others
among The Small Chapter. They informally greet Chuck.

KEN
Hey! Everybody, Ron. Ron, your Soon-
To-Be Brothers.

61 INT. LIVING ROOM - BUTCH'S HOUSE - DAY 61

A few Beers in The Guys listen as Butch holds Court.

BUTCH
I'm tellin' ya, A War's A Coming. And
if we're not Ready... and Trained...
...and Willing to Fight and Die for
The Stars and Bars that'll be the End
of the Purified White Race as We know
it.


KEN
The End of Civilization.

DUANE
Damn Right...

BUTCH
Not gonna happen as long we can draw
a breath.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Ron arrives at Butch's home, where he is greeted by Louise, who offers hospitality. Inside, he meets Chuck and is introduced to a group of Klan members, led by Butch, who discusses their extremist beliefs about race. The scene juxtaposes Louise's warm demeanor with the unsettling rhetoric of the Klan, creating a tense atmosphere as Ron observes the brewing ideological conflict.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Compelling character dynamics
  • Dark and intense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character growth in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a tense and foreboding atmosphere, setting up future conflicts and revealing the dark nature of the characters' beliefs. The negative sentiments and fear add depth to the scene, making it impactful and engaging.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a gathering of a racist group and the dynamics within it is compelling and adds depth to the story. It explores themes of prejudice, fear, and hostility, providing insight into the characters' motivations and beliefs.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses effectively in this scene, setting up future conflicts and character arcs. The gathering serves as a pivotal moment that drives the narrative forward and adds layers to the story.

Originality: 8.5

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring the dynamics of a Klan meeting, shedding light on the internal struggles and moral dilemmas faced by the protagonist. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed in this scene, each displaying distinct personalities and beliefs. Their interactions reveal their motivations and relationships, adding depth to the overall story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and revelations contribute to the development of the characters' beliefs and relationships, setting the stage for future growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the social dynamics of the Klan meeting and gain acceptance among the members. This reflects his deeper need for belonging and validation.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to establish connections with the Klan members and gather information for his investigation. This reflects the immediate challenge of infiltrating the group without raising suspicion.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high among the characters and the potential for violence looming. The conflicting beliefs and motivations drive the narrative forward and create a sense of urgency.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and motivations among the characters creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing the threat of violence and the potential consequences of their actions. The intense atmosphere and conflicting beliefs raise the stakes and add urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward, introducing new conflicts and dynamics that will impact future events. It sets the stage for upcoming plot developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the moral dilemmas faced by the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the Klan members' beliefs in white supremacy and the protagonist's moral values of equality and justice. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, fear, and unease in the audience. The hostile environment and dark themes resonate emotionally, drawing viewers into the story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tense and hostile atmosphere of the gathering. The conversations reveal the characters' beliefs and fears, driving the conflict and setting up future developments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension and suspense created by the characters' conflicting beliefs and the protagonist's undercover mission.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension gradually and maintaining the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, setting up the conflict and character dynamics effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the contrast between Ron's undercover role and the Klan's casual, yet menacing, atmosphere. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the tension. The characters' casual banter about a 'war' feels somewhat on-the-nose and could be more nuanced to reflect the underlying threat they pose.
  • Louise's introduction is warm and inviting, which contrasts sharply with the Klan's ideology. This juxtaposition is effective, but her character could be developed further to show her awareness or complicity in Butch's beliefs. Adding a line or two that hints at her perspective could deepen the audience's understanding of her character.
  • The dialogue among the Klan members lacks distinct voices. While they share a common ideology, giving each character a unique way of expressing their beliefs would make the scene more engaging. For instance, Butch could have a more aggressive tone, while Ken might be more calculated and persuasive.
  • The scene's pacing feels a bit rushed, especially in the transition from Louise's warm welcome to the Klan's ominous discussion. Slowing down the pacing slightly could allow for more tension to build as Chuck enters the Klan's space, making the audience feel the weight of the situation.
  • The visual descriptions are clear, but they could be enhanced with more sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting. Describing the smell of beer, the sound of laughter, or the tension in the air could create a more vivid atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding subtext to the Klan members' dialogue to create a more layered conversation. Instead of directly stating their beliefs, they could use metaphors or anecdotes that reveal their mindset without being overt.
  • Develop Louise's character further by including a line that hints at her awareness of Butch's beliefs or her own conflicted feelings about the Klan. This could add depth to her character and create a more complex dynamic.
  • Differentiate the Klan members' voices by giving them distinct speech patterns or phrases that reflect their personalities. This will make the dialogue more engaging and help the audience remember who is who.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow for more tension to build. Consider adding a moment where Chuck hesitates before entering the living room, reflecting his internal conflict about being in such a hostile environment.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the scene to create a more immersive experience. Describe the sounds, smells, and sights in the room to help the audience feel the atmosphere and the tension of the moment.



Scene 26 -  Rallying the Brothers
62 INT. UNMARKED CAR - DAY 62

Ron listens in to The Transmitter, taking notes.

63 INT. LIVING ROOM - BUTCH'S HOUSE - DAY 63

Louise enters The Living Room with an Appetizer Platter.

LOUISE
Sorry to interrupt. I have some
Shrimp Cocktail to munch on.

They dig in.

BUTCH
Thanks Honey.

Butch turns to The Brothers.

BUTCH (CONT'D)
Brothers, it's time we go on the
Offensive. I ain't willin' to sit
back and let The Jewish Media kick us
to The Shitter. We need to make some
Noise.

The Klansmen Feed off The Energy.

BUTCH (CONT'D)
Make 'em remember who We Are and What
We Stand For.

LOUISE
I read in The Gazette some Nigger
named Carmichael held a Rally and
there's some College Nigger Girl
Patrice Dumas with the "Baboon
Student Union" attacking Our Police.
This Black Bitch is Dangerous.
Reminds me of that Commie Angela
Davis. We need to shut her mouth.

The Men exchange uneasy looks - Why is Louise in Men's
Business?


LOUISE (CONT'D)
Here, I clipped the Article.

Louise pulls The Article from her apron. Hands it to Butch.
Butch eyes it, focused on an image of Kwame and without
looking up...

BUTCH
That'll be all. Love you Sweetie.

LOUISE
One of these days you're going to
need me to do something for you. Wait
and See.

Louise trudges out of the Living Room without answering.

Butch hands The Clipping to The Klansmen, who pass it around
the room. When it reaches Ken, he sets it down.

KEN
How 'bout We focus on our Bread and
Butter. The Next Cross Burning.
Which, Chuck, you'll be lucky enough
to participate in if your Membership
Card comes soon enough...

CHUCK
...That'd be a tremendous Honor.
Where?

KEN
The Highest Hills get the most Eyes.

Ken looks for approval. Nods all around.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In Butch's living room, tensions rise as he leads a discussion among the men about taking aggressive action against perceived threats from media and activists, particularly targeting Black activist Patrice Dumas. Louise attempts to contribute by sharing an article about Dumas but is dismissed by Butch, highlighting the gender dynamics at play. The men, eager for violence, agree to focus on a cross burning as a show of force, underscoring their commitment to a violent agenda.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Insightful character dynamics
  • Revealing crucial information
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and provides crucial information about the Klan's intentions. It sets the stage for future conflicts and reveals the characters' motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the Klan's agenda and the dynamics within the group is compelling and adds depth to the story. It sheds light on the characters' motivations and sets up future conflicts.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, as the audience gains insight into the Klan's plans and the potential threats they pose. It sets up future confrontations and adds layers to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of racism and white supremacy, with authentic and provocative dialogue that challenges the audience's perceptions and beliefs.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with each member of the Klan displaying distinct personalities and motivations. The interactions between the characters reveal their relationships and dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and revelations provide insight into the characters' motivations and beliefs, setting the stage for potential development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his authority and leadership within the group, as well as to maintain control over the narrative and direction of their actions.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to plan and execute a violent action against their perceived enemies, specifically targeting a black activist and her supporters.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, as the characters discuss violent actions and express their extremist views. The tension between the characters adds to the sense of unease and sets up future confrontations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, hidden agendas, and power struggles creating uncertainty and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters discuss violent actions and express their extremist views. The potential for conflict and danger is palpable, raising the stakes for the protagonists.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the Klan's plans and the threats they pose. It sets up future conflicts and adds complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, conflicting motivations, and unexpected revelations that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between white supremacist beliefs and the values of equality, justice, and human rights. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and justifications for their actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes negative emotions such as tension, concern, and unease due to the characters' extremist beliefs and violent intentions. It creates a sense of foreboding and sets up future emotional stakes.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful and reveals the characters' beliefs and intentions clearly. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the tension between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, dramatic tension, and morally complex characters, drawing the audience into the conflict and emotional stakes of the narrative.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, revealing character dynamics, and advancing the plot in a deliberate and engaging manner.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and absurdity of the Klan's ideology, particularly through Butch's aggressive rhetoric and Louise's unsettling comments. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety; the overtly racist language may alienate some viewers rather than drawing them into the narrative. Consider using more nuanced dialogue that still conveys their beliefs without being excessively on-the-nose.
  • Louise's character is introduced in a way that raises questions about her role in this male-dominated space. While her presence adds an interesting dynamic, the scene could explore her motivations and feelings more deeply. This would enhance her character development and provide a richer context for her involvement in the Klan's discussions.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Louise's entrance to the discussion about the cross burning. Allowing for more pauses and reactions from the characters could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the situation.
  • The use of food, specifically the shrimp cocktail, serves as a stark contrast to the violent discussions taking place. However, this contrast could be emphasized further. For example, showing the characters' physical reactions to the food while discussing their plans could create a more visceral impact.
  • The scene ends with a somewhat abrupt shift to the planning of the cross burning. While this is a natural progression, it could benefit from a more gradual build-up. Adding a moment of hesitation or conflict among the Klan members about the morality of their actions could create a more complex portrayal of their characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to include more subtext, allowing the characters' beliefs to emerge through their interactions rather than explicit statements. This can create a more engaging and thought-provoking experience for the audience.
  • Develop Louise's character further by providing insight into her motivations and feelings about the Klan's activities. This could involve a brief internal monologue or a more nuanced exchange with Butch that reveals her perspective.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow for more character reactions and emotional beats. This can help build tension and give the audience a moment to process the disturbing nature of the conversation.
  • Enhance the contrast between the food and the violent rhetoric by incorporating physical reactions from the characters as they eat. This could include moments of discomfort or irony that highlight the absurdity of their situation.
  • Introduce a moment of conflict or hesitation among the Klan members regarding their plans for the cross burning. This could add depth to their characters and create a more complex portrayal of their motivations.



Scene 27 -  Tension in Butch's Armory
64 INT. UNMARKED CAR - DAY 64

Ron takes in The Audio. He records more Notes.

65 INT. LIVING ROOM - BUTCH'S HOUSE - DAY 65

Butch rises, burps, his balance uncertain.

BUTCH
Hey Ron, I gotta show you something.

Butch plops a Hand on Chuck's Back. Chuck rises.

ANGLE - SMALL ROOM

Butch flips on the lights.

BUTCH (CONT'D)
Looka here.


Various Guns adorn The Walls -- Rifles, Shotguns, Handguns.
Pinned on The Far Wall: White Supremacist Memorabilia
including a Magazine Cut-Out of KKK Grand Wizard David Duke.

CHUCK
Wow. This is really... something.

Butch pulls a rusted Double-Barreled Shotgun off The Rack.

BUTCH
Here's my favorite. Twelve Gauge.

Butch smirks and points The Two Barrels at Chuck's chest.

BUTCH (CONT'D)
I call this...The Jew Killer.

Chuck Freezes. Butch's Finger Rests on The Trigger.
Teasingly? Seriously? Butch stares, challenging Chuck to make
a Move. Any Move.

CHUCK
That's a Remington Model 1900.

A long Beat. Then: Butch smiles.

BUTCH
Indeed it is.

Butch places the gun back on the rack. Ken outside The Door.

KEN (O.S.)
Almost done in here? We still have
some items on The Agenda...

BUTCH
...Not just yet. Gotta make sure
there's no Jew in him.

Chuck keeps quiet.

ANGLE - HALLWAY

KEN
Come on Man, this is just
Straight-Up Offensive. We're
talking about someone who's gonna be
our Brother in a couple months. Is
there a Star of David around his
Neck? Does CHUCK got a YA-MA-KA on
his HEAD for Pete's sake?

BUTCH (O.S.)
Just Protocol. My House, My Rules.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a small room filled with guns and white supremacist memorabilia, Butch humorously threatens Chuck with a rusted shotgun, testing his reaction. Ken, outside the door, expresses discomfort with Butch's offensive behavior, especially since Chuck is about to join their group. Butch dismisses Ken's concerns, asserting his dominance and creating a tense atmosphere. The scene highlights the conflict between Butch's aggressive antics and Ken's attempts to protect Chuck, leaving an uncomfortable tension lingering in the air.
Strengths
  • Building tension
  • Revealing extreme ideologies
  • Strong character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Negative portrayal of racism

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates tension and showcases the dangerous ideologies of the white supremacist group. The dialogue and actions of the characters contribute to a sense of unease and conflict, making it a compelling and impactful scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of showcasing the extreme racism and hostility within the white supremacist group is effectively portrayed in this scene. The use of the shotgun as a symbol of violence and hatred adds depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Chuck is tested by Butch with the shotgun, revealing the dangerous nature of the group he is infiltrating. This moment adds a new layer of conflict and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to exploring themes of racism and power dynamics through the use of physical objects and tense dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Butch and Chuck, are well-developed and their interactions reveal their beliefs and motivations. The tension between them adds depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

Chuck experiences a moment of confrontation and challenge in the scene, which could lead to a shift in his perspective and understanding of the white supremacist group. This interaction may impact his future actions and decisions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate a potentially dangerous and uncomfortable situation while maintaining composure and control over his emotions.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to avoid confrontation and ensure his safety in a potentially hostile environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with Butch challenging Chuck with the shotgun and questioning his identity. The tension between the characters creates a sense of danger and uncertainty.

Opposition: 8.5

The opposition in the scene is strong, creating a sense of danger and uncertainty for the protagonist as he navigates a potentially hostile environment.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Chuck is tested by Butch with the shotgun, putting his safety and undercover mission at risk. The extreme beliefs of the white supremacist group add a sense of urgency and danger to the situation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. Chuck's encounter with the shotgun adds a new layer of danger and complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected power dynamics and moral conflicts that arise between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Butch's white supremacist beliefs and Ken's opposition to them. This challenges the protagonist's values and beliefs, forcing him to navigate a morally complex situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of unease and discomfort as the characters reveal their extreme beliefs. The confrontation with the shotgun adds a layer of fear and tension.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the extreme views of the white supremacist group and the tension between the characters. The exchange between Butch and Chuck is impactful and reveals their conflicting ideologies.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, moral complexities, and the unpredictable nature of the characters' interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, effectively conveying the setting and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and physical actions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the juxtaposition of Butch's casual demeanor and the violent implications of his actions. The use of humor in Butch's threat with the shotgun adds a layer of complexity to his character, showcasing the absurdity of the situation while also highlighting the underlying menace.
  • However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext. While Butch's line about the shotgun is provocative, it feels somewhat on-the-nose. A more nuanced approach could enhance the tension and reveal more about Chuck's internal struggle without explicitly stating it.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition between Ron taking notes and the introduction of the gun room could be smoother. A brief moment of Ron's reaction to the atmosphere or the sounds from the living room could heighten the anticipation before the reveal.
  • Ken's intervention serves as a necessary counterpoint to Butch's behavior, but his dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of merely stating that Butch's actions are offensive, Ken could express a personal stake in the situation, perhaps referencing his own discomfort or the stakes of Chuck's acceptance into the group.
  • The visual description of the gun room is effective, but it could be enhanced by incorporating sensory details that evoke the atmosphere—such as the smell of gun oil, the weight of the guns, or the oppressive nature of the memorabilia. This would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ron reacts to the atmosphere in the gun room before the reveal, which could build suspense and provide insight into his character's feelings about the Klan's ideology.
  • Revise Butch's dialogue to include more subtext, allowing the audience to infer the threat rather than stating it outright. This could involve more playful banter that hints at the danger without being explicit.
  • Enhance Ken's dialogue to reflect a deeper personal connection to the situation, perhaps by sharing a past experience that informs his discomfort with Butch's behavior.
  • Incorporate sensory details into the description of the gun room to create a more vivid and immersive setting, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the moment.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or tension after Butch's threat before he places the gun back, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the situation and Chuck's fear.



Scene 28 -  Confrontation in the Small Room
66 INT. SMALL ROOM 66

Butch sets a hand on Chuck's Back, guiding him past Ken.

BUTCH (CONT'D)
This way.

CHUCK
Where...uh...where ya takin' me? I
told you already I'm not thrilled
with you callin' me a Jew.

BUTCH
Tough Titty.

Ken follows as Butch leads Chuck into the

ANGLE - DEN

BUTCH (CONT'D)
Take a seat.

Butch sets Chuck down on a chair.

KEN
Butch it ain't necessary, Man. This
is how you lose recruits!

BUTCH
I'd like some privacy.

Butch pushes Ken backward, through and out The Den door. He
slams The Door closed and locks it.

CHUCK
Is all this necessary?

Butch opens a Desk Drawer and takes out a POLYGRAPH MACHINE.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
A Lie Detector?

67 INT. UNMARKED CAR - DAY 67

RON STALLWORTH
Shit.

He turns the ignition and drives forward.

68 INT. DEN - BUTCH'S HOUSE - DAY 68

Butch sets The Polygraph in front of Chuck. Urgent knocking
on the door.


KEN (O.S.)
Open up, Butch! Enough is Enough!!!

BUTCH
Lower your Arm right here.

CHUCK
I didn't sign up for this.

BUTCH
You don't know what you signed up
for.

Butch reaches in and lowers his Arm for him, then slides the
Blood Pressure cuff over Chuck's Arm. Chuck rips it off,
jumps up, knocking the chair over.

CHUCK
These things don't even work half the
time! I'm no Goddamn Jew!!!

Ken persistently bangs on The Door. Butch pulls out a Shiny
Pistol from his belt.

BUTCH
Siddown.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense and confrontational scene, Butch forces Chuck into a small room for an aggressive interrogation using a polygraph machine, despite Chuck's discomfort and protests against being labeled a Jew. As Chuck resists, knocking over a chair in frustration, Ken attempts to intervene from outside, but Butch maintains control by brandishing a pistol, escalating the situation.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
  • High tension
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable outcome
  • Limited character development for Butch

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-executed, with a high level of tension and conflict that keeps the audience engaged. The dialogue and character dynamics are strong, contributing to the overall impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of the scene, focusing on the interrogation of Chuck by Butch, is compelling and well-developed. It effectively explores the power dynamics and conflicts between the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the interrogation and the escalating tension between Chuck and Butch. It moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters and their motivations.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the interrogation trope by incorporating elements of power dynamics and resistance. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Chuck and Butch, are well-defined and their interactions are engaging. The development of their relationship adds depth to the story.

Character Changes: 8

Chuck undergoes a significant change during the scene, asserting his identity and standing up to Butch's intimidation. This moment of defiance marks a shift in his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his dominance and control over Chuck, reflecting his need for power and authority.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to extract information from Chuck through the use of the polygraph machine, reflecting the immediate challenge of gaining intelligence or leverage.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the power struggle between Chuck and Butch driving the tension and drama. The conflicting motivations and emotions of the characters create a compelling dynamic.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Chuck resisting Butch's control and Butch using force to assert his dominance.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Chuck faces intense interrogation and must navigate a dangerous situation with Butch. The outcome of this confrontation has significant consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters and their motivations, particularly in the escalating conflict between Chuck and Butch. It sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and reactions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Butch's belief in using force and intimidation to achieve his goals, and Chuck's resistance to being controlled or manipulated.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, anxiety, and defiance. The intense interrogation and character dynamics resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is tense and impactful, reflecting the power struggle between Chuck and Butch. It effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and unpredictable actions of the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and urgency, driving the action forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear and concise descriptions of the setting and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict through a series of escalating actions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the physicality of Butch's actions and Chuck's reactions. However, the dialogue could be more nuanced to reflect the psychological manipulation at play. Butch's dismissive attitude towards Chuck's discomfort could be expanded to show a deeper layer of intimidation, making the stakes feel higher.
  • The use of the polygraph machine as a plot device is intriguing, but it could be better foreshadowed earlier in the script. A brief mention of the machine in a previous scene could enhance its significance and create a sense of dread leading into this moment.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Butch's casual demeanor to the sudden threat of violence with the pistol. Slowing down the moment when Butch reveals the gun could heighten the tension and allow the audience to fully absorb the gravity of the situation.
  • Ken's role as the voice of reason is clear, but his character could benefit from more depth. Adding a line or two that reveals his internal conflict about Butch's methods would make him a more compelling character and enhance the moral stakes of the scene.
  • The dialogue, while functional, lacks subtext. Characters in high-stakes situations often communicate more through what they don't say. Incorporating pauses, hesitations, or non-verbal cues could add layers to the interactions, making the tension more palpable.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Chuck reflects on the absurdity of the situation before the polygraph is introduced, which could serve to heighten the tension and make the audience more invested in his plight.
  • Introduce a line from Ken that hints at his own discomfort with Butch's methods, perhaps suggesting that he has seen this kind of intimidation backfire before, which would add depth to his character and the dynamics at play.
  • Use the polygraph machine as a metaphor for the characters' identities and the lies they tell themselves and each other. This could be reflected in the dialogue, where Chuck's denial of his identity becomes a focal point of the tension.
  • Incorporate more physicality in Chuck's reactions to Butch's intimidation. For example, show him fidgeting or sweating, which would visually communicate his anxiety and fear, enhancing the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Consider ending the scene on a cliffhanger, perhaps with the sound of the gun being cocked, to leave the audience in suspense and eager to see what happens next.



Scene 29 -  Chaos at Butch's House
69 EXT. BUTCH'S HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - DAY 69

Gun in hand, Ron crouches beside the Unmarked car, parked at
the curb near Butch's House.

He notices a NEIGHBOR taking out The Trash. Ron puts his Gun
away. His Eyes are on THE LOOK OUT.

70 INT. DEN - BUTCH'S HOUSE - DAY 70

Chuck sits in The Chair as Butch sticks Electrodermal Sensors
on Chuck's hands.

BUTCH
Ask anybody, they'll say I'm a real
Friendly Guy. Thing is, I'm only
Friendly to my Friends, not JEW
Friendly, Damn Sure not Nigger
Friendly.

CHUCK
Butch. This is Nuts.

Ken is still banging away at the door.

KEN (O.S.)
Let me in!


Butch tightens The Blood Pressure Cuff on Chuck's arm.

BUTCH
Let's warm up. What is the surname of
your Biological Father?

CHUCK
Fuck this.

BUTCH
Let me see your Dick.

CHUCK
WHAT!

BUTCH
I hear you Jews do something Funny
with ya Dicks. Some weird Jew Shit.
Let me see if your Dick looks Funny.

CHUCK
You tryin' to suck my Jew Dick?
Faggot.

BUTCH
Who you callin' a Faggot?

71 EXT. BUTCH'S HOUSE - DRIVEWAY - DAY 71

Ron bolts onto Butch's Front Lawn, unsure what to do but
knowing that he GOTTA DO something.

Ron picks up a Flower Pot and CHUCKS IT -- CRASH! It goes
straight through the Kitchen Window, shattering The Glass.

72 INT. DEN - BUTCH'S HOUSE - DAY 72

Butch springs up. Through the window pane, he can see the
backside of Ron -- a Black Man wearing a faded denim jacket.
Ron is "Low Running" now.

BUTCH
There's a Fuckin' Black Lawn Jockey
on my Green Lawn!

Butch storms out of The Den. Chuck rips off The Polygraph
Sensors and follows.

73 EXT. FRONT LAWN - BUTCH'S HOUSE - DAY 73

All of The Klan Members, including Chuck and Louise, pour
onto the Lawn.


Butch bursts out of The Front door with his Pistol. He Fires
at Ron -- who is USAIN BOLT-ING down The Street. BANG! BANG!
BANG!

Butch fires again just as Ron reaches The Unmarked car. Ron
jumps inside... SQUEEEEEL! The Car peels off.

BUTCH
Almost got 'im.

Chuck seizes the opportunity. He runs onto The Street.

CHUCK
Yeah, keep drivin' you Black
Spearchucker!!! Piece a Shit
Nigger!!!

Chuck is Foaming at The Mouth. Everyone stares at him,
momentarily surprised at his outburst.

CHUCK
Butch, you still want me to take your
Lie Detector Test!!!

Ken looks from Chuck to Butch. Butch can only shrug.

ANGLE - STREET

Neighbors poke their heads out from across The Street. Ken
looks to The Chapter Members gathered around.

KEN
Everybody go Home NOW!!! Get Outta
HERE!!!

74 INT. UNMARKED CAR - DAY 74

Ron speeds away, down The Residential Streets. He looks down
at his Body. No wounds. He slows his breathing. Too Close for
COMFORT.

75 INT. SERGEANT TRAPP'S OFFICE - CSPD - DAY 75

Sgt. Trapp flips through The Report. Ron and Chuck watch.

SGT. TRAPP
Lie Detector? Shots Fired? A Goddamn
ClusterFuck!!! You Dickheads are
putting me in a Tough Spot here. If
Taggert heard about this...

RON STALLWORTH
Is he gonna hear about it, Sarge?


Sgt. Trapp thinks a moment, then opens a drawer under his
desk and throws The Report into it.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense confrontation outside Butch's house, Ron, armed and desperate, throws a flower pot through the kitchen window to intervene in Butch's violent interrogation of Chuck. Butch, displaying aggression and racism, rushes outside and fires at Ron as he escapes in a car. Inside, Chuck reacts defiantly, yelling slurs at Butch. The scene culminates in Ron's successful getaway, leaving chaos behind as Sgt. Trapp expresses frustration over the situation.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Dialogue
  • Conflict escalation
Weaknesses
  • Potentially offensive language
  • Violent imagery

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines tension, humor, and aggression to create a compelling and intense sequence. The high-stakes nature of the undercover operation and the unexpected turn of events keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an undercover operation leading to a dangerous confrontation with racist individuals is compelling and well-executed. The scene effectively explores themes of deception, danger, and moral ambiguity.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward by showcasing the risks and challenges faced by the characters in their undercover operation. The unexpected turn of events adds depth to the narrative and keeps the audience invested.

Originality: 8.5

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of racism and violence, with authentic and realistic dialogue that captures the characters' emotions and motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-developed and their interactions reveal their motivations, conflicts, and dynamics. The tension between Chuck, Butch, and Ron adds depth to the scene and enhances the overall drama.

Character Changes: 7

Chuck undergoes a minor character change as he confronts the racism and aggression of Butch, asserting his identity and standing up for himself. This moment of defiance marks a shift in Chuck's character and sets the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate a dangerous situation while maintaining his composure and protecting himself. This reflects his need for survival and self-preservation.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to escape the dangerous situation and avoid getting caught by the antagonists. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the characters navigate a dangerous undercover operation and face off against racist individuals. The tension and aggression between the characters create a palpable sense of danger and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple obstacles and challenges that keep the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The scene has high stakes as the characters face a dangerous confrontation with racist individuals, putting their lives and the success of the undercover operation at risk. The tension and danger create a sense of urgency and importance in the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by escalating the conflict, raising the stakes, and deepening the characters' involvement in the undercover operation. The unexpected turn of events propels the narrative forward and sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and reactions of the characters, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between racist beliefs and values and the protagonist's own moral compass. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, forcing him to confront the racism and violence around him.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of tension, unease, and surprise in the audience. The high-stakes nature of the confrontation and the characters' emotional responses add depth to the scene and engage the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, engaging, and effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters. The exchanges between Chuck, Butch, and Ron are particularly impactful and reveal their personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, high stakes, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace, building suspense, and keeping the audience engaged from start to finish.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the juxtaposition of Ron's covert operation outside and Butch's aggressive interrogation inside. This contrast heightens the stakes, showcasing the imminent danger Ron faces while simultaneously revealing the volatile nature of the Klan members.
  • The dialogue captures the absurdity and brutality of Butch's character, emphasizing his racism and aggression. However, some lines, particularly Chuck's responses, feel overly exaggerated, which can detract from the realism of the situation. This could be an opportunity to explore more nuanced reactions that reflect Chuck's internal conflict.
  • The physical actions, such as Ron throwing the flower pot, serve as a strong catalyst for the action that follows. However, the transition from Ron's decision to throw the flower pot to the chaos that ensues could be smoothed out to maintain clarity and pacing. The moment feels a bit rushed and could benefit from a brief pause to emphasize the gravity of Ron's choice.
  • Chuck's outburst at the end of the scene feels somewhat out of character considering the previous tension and fear he exhibited. This sudden shift might come across as jarring. It would be more impactful if his reaction had been built up gradually, showing a progression from fear to anger as a response to the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or thoughts from Ron as he observes the situation unfold. This could deepen the audience's understanding of his motivations and fears.
  • Refine Chuck's dialogue to make it more realistic and grounded. Instead of resorting to overly aggressive language, explore how he might express his anger in a way that feels authentic to his character's development.
  • Enhance the pacing by inserting a moment of hesitation or reflection for Ron before he throws the flower pot. This could create a stronger emotional impact and heighten the tension leading to the action.
  • Explore the dynamics between the characters further, especially the conflict between Butch and Ken. Adding a moment where Ken tries to assert himself more forcefully could heighten the tension and showcase the fractures within the Klan group.



Scene 30 -  Fractured Loyalties
76 INT. INTELLIGENCE UNIT - CSPD - DAY 76

Ron and Chuck emerge from Sgt. Trapp's office.

RON STALLWORTH
Think we dodged a Bullet there.

Chuck gives him a Hard look.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
Y'know what I mean.

CHUCK
I didn't say it in there with the
Sergeant but that Racist Peckerwood
had a Gun in my Face and he was an
Ass Hair away from pulling The
Trigger.

RON STALLWORTH
And he didn't.

CHUCK
But he could have and then I woulda
been Dead... for what? Stoppin' some
Jerkoffs from playing Dress up?

RON STALLWORTH
It's Intel.

CHUCK
I'm not risking my Life to prevent
some Rednecks from lighting a couple
Sticks on Fire.

RON STALLWORTH
What's your problem?

They stop walking.

CHUCK
I don't have a problem.

RON STALLWORTH
Why aren't you into this?

CHUCK
Why should I be into this.

RON STALLWORTH
Because you're Jewish, My Brother.


CHUCK
Kiss my Jewish Ass.

Chuck steps away.

RON STALLWORTH
Yeah, that's what I thought.

Chuck turns back.

CHUCK
What you trying to say?

RON STALLWORTH
Nothin'.

CHUCK
What?

Ron looks around, no one around.

RON STALLWORTH
You're passing, Man.

CHUCK
What?

RON STALLWORTH
You're passing for a WASP!!!

CHUCK
What?

RON STALLWORTH
White Anglo Saxon Protestant.
Passing. It's what some Light-Skinned
Black Folks do, they pass for White.

Chuck understands now. He glares at Ron.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
Doesn't that Bullshit they say Piss
you off.

CHUCK
Of course it does.

RON STALLWORTH
Then why you acting like you ain't
gotta' stake in this!

CHUCK
That's my Damn Business! And if I
choose to leave this case, I will!


RON STALLWORTH
But you won't.

Chuck storms away!

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
I'm gonna get your Membership Card so
you can go on this Cross Burning and
get in deeper, right Chuck?

Chuck says nothing, walking away.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
Right Chuck?! You still on board,
right!

CHUCK
Yeah, yeah, I'm still on board... for
Now!!!
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense exchange outside Sgt. Trapp's office, Ron confronts Chuck about his reluctance to engage in a dangerous investigation following a racist threat. Chuck expresses frustration over risking his life for what he perceives as a trivial cause, while Ron challenges him on his commitment, suggesting he is 'passing' as white. Their heated discussion reveals deep-seated frustrations and a clash of identities, culminating in Chuck asserting his autonomy. Despite his anger and initial desire to walk away, Chuck ultimately confirms his involvement in the case, albeit reluctantly.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Exploration of racial identity
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive dialogue
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil and conflict within the character, driving the plot forward while exploring important themes. The dialogue is intense and thought-provoking, adding depth to the characters and their motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring racial identity and the theme of passing is compelling and adds depth to the character development. The scene effectively integrates these concepts into the narrative, creating a thought-provoking and impactful moment.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the character's internal conflict and the revelation of his true feelings about the undercover operation. The scene adds complexity to the storyline by introducing personal stakes and moral dilemmas.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of race, identity, and loyalty within a law enforcement setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with their conflicting emotions and motivations driving the scene forward. The interaction between Ron and Chuck reveals layers of their personalities and adds depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases a significant change in Chuck's perspective and emotional state, highlighting his internal conflict and personal growth. The confrontation with Ron forces him to confront his identity and motivations, leading to a shift in his character.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to convince Chuck to stay on board with the undercover operation despite his reservations. This reflects Ron's desire to succeed in the mission and his fear of losing a valuable team member.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain unity within the team and ensure Chuck's continued participation in the operation. This reflects the immediate challenge of overcoming Chuck's doubts and concerns.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and emotionally charged, driving the character dynamics and revealing the internal struggles of the protagonist. The confrontation between Ron and Chuck escalates the tension and adds layers to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Chuck's doubts and Ron's determination creating a compelling conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Chuck grapples with his identity and the consequences of his undercover work. The emotional and moral dilemmas he faces add tension and urgency to the narrative, raising the stakes for the character.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the character dynamics and revealing key tensions within the narrative. Chuck's internal struggle and the confrontation with Ron set the stage for further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their conversation. The audience is left unsure of how the situation will resolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing perspectives on the importance and risks of the undercover operation. Ron believes in the value of gathering intelligence, while Chuck questions the necessity of risking their lives for the mission.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting strong reactions from the audience as the characters grapple with their conflicting emotions and identities. The raw and authentic portrayal of the characters' struggles resonates with viewers.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and inner turmoil effectively. The confrontational exchanges between Ron and Chuck add tension and depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional exchanges, sharp dialogue, and thought-provoking themes. The conflict between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' emotional journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to standard screenplay conventions, making it easy to follow and understand.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a dialogue-driven sequence, effectively building tension and conflict between the characters.


Critique
  • The dialogue effectively captures the tension between Ron and Chuck, highlighting their differing perspectives on the risks involved in their undercover operation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. For instance, Chuck's frustration could be more nuanced, revealing his internal conflict about his identity and the dangers of their mission.
  • The scene's pacing is somewhat uneven. While the initial exchange is engaging, the escalation of tension feels rushed. The transition from Chuck's frustration to Ron's accusation of him 'passing' could be smoother, allowing for a more gradual build-up of conflict.
  • The use of humor in Ron's line about dodging a bullet is effective, but it contrasts sharply with the serious nature of Chuck's experience with the gun. This tonal shift could be better balanced to maintain the gravity of the situation while still allowing for character-driven humor.
  • The character dynamics are compelling, but the scene could benefit from more physicality or action to visually represent the tension. For example, incorporating body language or movement could enhance the emotional weight of their confrontation.
  • The ending feels somewhat abrupt. While Chuck's reluctant agreement to stay on board adds tension, it could be more impactful if it included a moment of reflection or a visual cue that emphasizes the weight of their situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing characters to express their feelings indirectly. This could create a richer emotional landscape and make the conflict feel more layered.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow for a more gradual build-up of tension. This could involve extending the dialogue or adding pauses that reflect the characters' emotional states.
  • Balance the humor with the seriousness of the situation by ensuring that jokes do not undermine the gravity of the threats they face. This could involve rephrasing certain lines to maintain a consistent tone.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or gestures to visually represent the tension between Ron and Chuck. This could include them pacing, gesturing emphatically, or even physical barriers that symbolize their emotional distance.
  • Enhance the ending by including a moment of silence or a visual cue that reflects the weight of their conversation, such as Ron watching Chuck walk away with a look of concern or determination.



Scene 31 -  Infiltrating Hate
77 INT. CSPD INTELLIGENCE UNIT - RON'S DESK - DAY 77

Ron studies his packet of KKK materials. He sees a number for
the KKK Headquarters. He dials. A Message clicks on:

VOICE (O.S.)
Wake up White Man!!! The Negro wants
your White Woman and your Job! The
Jew wants your Money...

The Recording is interrupted by a PLEASANT-SOUNDING MAN.

PLEASANT MAN (O.S.)
Hello and whom am I talking to?

RON STALLWORTH
Good afternoon. My name is Ron
Stallworth, calling from Colorado
Springs. How are you today, Sir?

PLEASANT MAN (O.S.)
Quite well. What can I do for you?

RON STALLWORTH
I'm calling because I desperately
want to participate in my Chapter's
Honorary Events but I can't until I
receive my Membership Card.

PLEASANT MAN (O.S.)
Of course, I can help you with that.

RON STALLWORTH
Thank you. Who am I speaking with?


PLEASANT MAN (O.S.)
This is David Duke.

Ron has Died and gone to Heaven.

RON STALLWORTH
I'm sorry... did you just say you're
David Duke?

DAVID DUKE (O.S.)
That's me...

RON STALLWORTH
...Grand Wizard of The Ku Klux Klan?
That David Duke?

DAVID DUKE (O.S.)
That Grand Wizard and National
Director.

RON STALLWORTH
Really? National Director too?

DAVID DUKE (O.S.)
Really.

RON STALLWORTH
I'm honored to be speaking with you.
I'm not afraid to say it...I consider
you a True White American Hero.

DAVID DUKE
Are there any other kind?

78 INT. KKK NATIONAL OFFICE - DAY 78

DAVID DUKE 30's has a trim Red Mustache and a mop of Sandy
Hair which drapes his ears. He plays the role of a Southern
Gent but his piercing pale-Blue Eyes reveal a Monster.

Duke wears a Three-Piece Suit and sits at a neat Office Desk.

DAVID DUKE
And I'm just happy to be talking to a
True White American.

INTERCUT RON WITH DAVID DUKE:

RON STALLWORTH
Amen, Mr. Duke. Seems like there's
less and less of us these days.
Now about that Membership Card...

Duke unwraps a stick of Juicy Fruit Gum, his favorite.


DAVID DUKE
...I understand the situation. We've
been having some Administrative
problems that have caused a backlog.
...Tell you what, Ron. I'll see to it
personally that your Membership Card
is processed and sent out today.

RON
Thank you, Mr. Duke. I can't express
to you how much I appreciate this.

DAVID DUKE
The pleasure is all mine. I look
forward to meeting you in person One
Day and God Bless White America.

79 INT. CSPD - DAY 79

Ron rushes out of the room buzzing about speaking to Duke he
immediately KNOCKS shoulders with someone going the other
way. When he turns around it's... Sgt. Morris, who turns
back giving a smirk.

SGT. MORRIS
Watch where you're going. You could
get hurt like that Hot Shot.

Sgt. Morris marches on leaving Ron to contemplate.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Biography"]

Summary Ron Stallworth, a member of the CSPD Intelligence Unit, makes a phone call to the KKK Headquarters and speaks with David Duke, the Grand Wizard of the Klan. Flattering Duke, Ron expresses his desire to join and secures his membership card, revealing Duke's charming yet sinister nature. After the call, Ron encounters Sgt. Morris, who teases him, prompting Ron to reflect on the dangerous implications of his actions. The scene blends dark humor with tension as Ron navigates the complexities of infiltrating a hate group.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • Introduction of David Duke
Weaknesses
  • Moderate emotional impact
  • Slight character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written with a mix of tension, intrigue, and unexpected elements. The dialogue is engaging, and the introduction of David Duke adds depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around a pivotal phone call with David Duke, which adds complexity to the story and sets up future conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the introduction of David Duke and the tension between characters. It sets up future developments and conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of racism and white supremacy, with a unique perspective on the protagonist's infiltration of the KKK. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, especially David Duke, whose introduction adds depth to the story. The interaction between Ron and Sgt. Morris also reveals character dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

There is a slight character change, especially in Ron's perception of David Duke and the dynamics between characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to gather information and potentially infiltrate the KKK. This reflects his deeper desire to combat racism and make a difference in society.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to obtain his Membership Card from the KKK. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in trying to gain access to the organization.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict in the scene, especially in the tension between Ron and Sgt. Morris, as well as the power dynamics with David Duke.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a challenging and morally complex situation in his interaction with the KKK. The uncertainty of how the conversation will unfold adds to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, especially with the introduction of David Duke and the tension between characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing David Duke and setting up future conflicts and developments.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events, such as Ron's conversation with David Duke and the tension between their conflicting beliefs. The audience is left unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's anti-racist beliefs and the white supremacist ideology of the KKK. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, highlighting the moral dilemma he faces in dealing with such hateful individuals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, especially with the revelation of David Duke's character and the tension between characters.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters. The conversation between Ron and David Duke is particularly well-written.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, tension, and suspense created by the protagonist's interaction with the KKK. The dialogue and character dynamics keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic moment with David Duke. The rhythm of the dialogue and character interactions keeps the scene engaging.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character motivations, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the absurdity of Ron's situation as he interacts with David Duke, showcasing the contrast between Ron's true identity and the facade he must maintain. This creates a strong dramatic irony that engages the audience.
  • The dialogue is sharp and humorous, particularly in Ron's flattery of Duke, which highlights the ridiculousness of the KKK's ideology. However, the humor should be balanced with the underlying tension of the situation to maintain the gravity of the subject matter.
  • The transition between the phone call and the visual of Duke in his office is well-executed, allowing the audience to visualize the character and his environment. However, more descriptive details about Duke's demeanor and the setting could enhance the atmosphere and provide deeper insight into his character.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could benefit from a moment of reflection or internal conflict for Ron after the call. This would add depth to his character and emphasize the moral complexities of his undercover work.
  • The ending with Sgt. Morris smirking at Ron adds a layer of tension and foreshadows potential conflict. However, it could be more impactful if Ron's reaction to Morris was more pronounced, showcasing his internal struggle and the risks he faces.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Ron after the call with Duke to explore his feelings about deceiving someone like Duke and the implications of his undercover work.
  • Enhance the description of Duke's office and demeanor to create a more vivid image of the character and the environment, which can help set the tone for the interaction.
  • Balance the humor in the dialogue with moments of seriousness to ensure that the gravity of the KKK's ideology is not lost amidst the comedic elements.
  • Explore Ron's physical reactions during the call, such as his body language or facial expressions, to convey his emotional state and the tension of the moment more effectively.
  • Consider extending the interaction with Sgt. Morris to further develop the antagonistic relationship between him and Ron, which could heighten the stakes for Ron's undercover operation.



Scene 32 -  Beneath the Blue Wall
80 INT. INTELLIGENCE UNIT - CSPD - DAY 80

Ron wires up Chuck.

RON STALLWORTH
That Cop that pulled Kwame Ture over
that night... was it Sgt. Morris?

Chuck is surprised.

CHUCK
How'd you know.

RON STALLWORTH
I can smell em' a Mile away now.

Chuck ponders for a moment, then says.

CHUCK
He's been a Bad Cop for a long time.

RON STALLWORTH
Yeah.


CHUCK
Yup. Does that kinda' Shit all the
time. Few years ago, he Shot and
Killed a Black Kid... he said he had
a Gun. The Kid wasn't the type. I
think Morris planted one on him.

RON STALLWORTH
Why's he tolerated?

CHUCK
You wanna' be the Guy that Rats him
out.

Ron goes quiet.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
We're a Family. We stick together.
For Good or Bad. You ever get your
Ass in a Jam, you'll appreciate The
Blue Wall of Silence.

RON STALLWORTH
Yeah, reminds me of another Group.

Ron finished. Chuck steps away buttoning his shirt.

81 EXT. OPEN FIELD - DAY 81

POP! A Bullet strikes a Beer Bottle in an Open Field.

BUTCH
Bullseye.

Butch looks up from his Shotgun. All around him, other
Chapter Members line up in a row, firing their Guns at
Bottles. Some are wearing Green Army Field Jackets.

Nearby, a couple of fold-up tables stocked with plates of
Grilled Meat and Bowls of Cheese Doodles.

Chuck is locked in conversation with Ken, who could not care
less about the Firing Range behind him.

KEN
... and then you got what used to be
a decent Bar, The Hide N Seek Room,
turned into a Filthy Fag Bar
overnight.

CHUCK
Fags everywhere these days.

Chuck is still mostly focused on Butch and his crew.


KEN
They're trying to Colonize. First
they get their own Bars, then they
want Equal Treatment... soon it'll be
Marriage Licenses...

CHUCK
...Forget Dem Fags... Some of these
Guys Army-trained?

Ken turns around for a moment, then turns back, dismissive.

KEN
A lot of 'em are. Fort Carson...

CLOSE - CHUCK

observes TWO MYSTERY MEN, both 30's, they look classier than
the rest of The Gang handling M-16's.

CHUCK
I've not seen those Macs before.

KEN
Steve and Jerry.

CHUCK
Yeah, who are they?

KEN
That's classified.

Ken steps away leaving Chuck to ponder the Two Mystery Men.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In the CSPD intelligence unit, Ron Stallworth wires up Chuck to discuss the corrupt practices of Sgt. Morris, who has a troubling history of misconduct. Chuck reveals Morris's past, including a fatal incident involving a Black victim, prompting Ron to reflect on the protective 'Blue Wall of Silence' among police. The scene shifts to an open field where Butch and others engage in shooting practice, while Chuck converses with Ken about societal changes, particularly regarding the LGBTQ+ community. Their conversation reveals a dismissive attitude towards these changes. The scene ends with Chuck's curiosity about two unfamiliar men with M-16s, adding an element of intrigue.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Foreshadowing of conflicts
Weaknesses
  • Negative emotional impact
  • Derogatory language

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up tension and reveals crucial information about the characters and their beliefs. It provides insight into the group dynamics and foreshadows potential conflicts, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the inner workings of a racist organization through their training activities and conversations is compelling. It adds layers to the story and sets the stage for future developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses as key information is revealed about the characters and their beliefs. The scene sets up potential conflicts and hints at hidden agendas, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the police procedural genre, delving into complex moral issues and character dynamics. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to its originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and beliefs. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and hint at future conflicts, adding depth to the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential growth and development as the story progresses. The interactions hint at internal conflicts and moral dilemmas that could lead to character evolution.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the moral complexities of being a police officer, balancing loyalty to the force with a desire for justice and integrity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information and navigate the undercover operation successfully.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high among the characters. The conflicting beliefs and hidden agendas create a sense of unease and foreshadow potential confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting loyalties and moral dilemmas creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters engage in racist rhetoric and hint at potential violent actions. The tensions and conflicts within the group raise the stakes and foreshadow dangerous consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the characters and their beliefs. It sets up future conflicts and plot developments, driving the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in terms of character motivations and moral choices, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between loyalty to the police force and the moral obligation to expose corruption and injustice. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the system.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a negative emotional impact due to the racist rhetoric and tense interactions between the characters. It sets a somber tone and hints at the darker aspects of the story.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging and realistic, capturing the tension and dynamics between the characters. It effectively conveys the beliefs and motivations of the group members, setting the tone for future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with a balance of dialogue and action sequences.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the conventions of the genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a focus on dialogue-driven interactions and character development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively highlights the tension between Ron and Chuck as they discuss the corrupt practices of Sgt. Morris, which adds depth to their characters and the overarching theme of systemic racism within the police force. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional weight to convey the gravity of the situation. The casual tone of Chuck's remarks about Morris's past actions may undermine the seriousness of the topic.
  • The transition from the Intelligence Unit to the open field is somewhat abrupt. While it serves to juxtapose the serious conversation about police misconduct with the casual violence of the Klan members, the shift could be smoother. Consider adding a line or two that connects the two settings thematically, perhaps reflecting on the nature of violence in both contexts.
  • Chuck's characterization as a reluctant participant in the Klan's activities is compelling, but his dialogue could be more nuanced. Instead of simply stating that 'we're a family,' he could express more internal conflict about the loyalty to a corrupt system, which would make his character more relatable and complex.
  • The introduction of the two mystery men is intriguing, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the main conversation. Their presence could be better integrated into the dialogue, perhaps by having Chuck express suspicion or curiosity about them earlier in the conversation, which would build tension and foreshadow potential conflict.
  • The visual elements in the open field scene are vivid, but they could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sounds of gunfire, the smell of grilled meat, or the atmosphere of camaraderie among the Klan members would create a more immersive experience for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Revise Chuck's dialogue to include more emotional depth, perhaps by having him reflect on the implications of Morris's actions and the impact on the community, rather than just stating facts.
  • Smooth the transition between the Intelligence Unit and the open field by adding a line that connects the themes of police corruption and Klan violence, reinforcing the narrative's focus on systemic racism.
  • Develop Chuck's character further by allowing him to express more internal conflict about his loyalty to the police force versus his moral beliefs, making him a more complex character.
  • Integrate the two mystery men into the dialogue earlier, allowing Chuck to express suspicion or curiosity about them, which would build tension and intrigue.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the open field scene to create a more vivid and immersive atmosphere, helping the audience feel the contrast between the serious conversation and the casual violence happening nearby.



Scene 33 -  Target Practice: A Disturbing Bond
82 EXT. UNMARKED CAR - DAY 82

Ron is in the Car quite a ways away with a huge Telephoto
lens on a 33MM Camera. He focuses in on...

THE TWO MYSTERY MEN (STEVE AND JERRY) (RON'S CAMERA POV)

Ron CLICKS off numerous Photos of them. And then CLICKING on
all the various Klansmen enjoying the outing.

RON BEHIND THE CAMERA

focusing in on his Targets: CLICKING! Ken, Duane, Butch, all
of them.

CUT BACK TO:

CLOSE - CHUCK


Chuck nears the Target area seeing something that makes him
laugh out loud.

CHUCK
Gezzus.

The Targets are...

THE OFFICIAL RUNNING NIGGER TARGET

in the form a Black Silhouette of a Running Black Man with an
Afro, Big Lips, Butt, etc.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
Get a load of that!!!

BUTCH
Helps with practicin' for Nigger
Looters. Dem' Sum-bitches Run like
Roaches when you Flip the switch in
the Kitchen late at Night.

Butch and Duane shoot their Hand Guns at the Black Man
Targets! They HIT The Bulls-Eye targets on his Head, Lips,
Butt, Body.

CHUCK
Damn good shooting.

BUTCH
I don't know how that Black Bastard
got away the other day.

CHUCK
Let's hope we get another chance.

Butch gives him an ominous.

BUTCH
We will.

Duane suddenly pipes up.

DUANE
Hey, Ron! Take my Forty-Five Auto
wanna see what you can do.

Duane hands Chuck his pistol. He takes it, his hand sweaty.

ALL EYES ON CHUCK

as he takes aim at a Black Man Running Target Fifty Feet
away. The Klansmen observing. BANG!!! A Hole rips in the
Black Man Target Head!!! Then the Butt!!! Body! And Lips!!!


KLANSMEN
Good Shot!!! Shit! Got that Coon Dead
in The Ass! Nice One!!!

DUANE
That's one deaaaaaad Jungle Bunny!!!

The Gang eyes Chuck, impressed. Duane claps Chuck back.

BUTCH
Where'd you learn to shoot like that?

CHUCK
My Ole Man gave me a Toy Cap Gun when
I was a Kid, been shooting ever
since.

They all laugh. Chuck laughs along with them.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In this darkly comedic scene, Ron observes from an unmarked car as Klansmen, including Chuck, Butch, and Duane, engage in shooting practice at a grotesque target depicting a Black man. Chuck's laughter and impressive shooting skills earn him camaraderie with the group, who bond over their shared prejudices and derogatory remarks. The scene highlights the absurdity and horror of their violent attitudes, culminating in a chilling atmosphere of racism and mockery.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of extreme racism and violence
  • Tension and suspense in the target practice scene
  • Intriguing character dynamics with Chuck's involvement
Weaknesses
  • Extreme and disturbing content may be triggering for some audiences
  • Limited character development beyond Chuck's role in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the dark and tense atmosphere of the Klan members engaging in target practice, revealing their extreme racism and violent tendencies. Chuck's unexpected marksmanship skills add a layer of intrigue and tension to the scene, making it compelling and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of using target practice as a way to showcase the Klan members' racism and violence is powerful and impactful. It effectively sets up the conflict and character dynamics, highlighting the extreme beliefs and actions of the group.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the Klan members engaging in target practice, revealing their extreme racism and violent tendencies. Chuck's involvement adds a layer of complexity and tension to the narrative, driving the story forward and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring racism and violence through the lens of a hate group, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel disturbingly real.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Butch, Duane, and Chuck, are well-developed and distinct. Their beliefs, actions, and interactions effectively convey the dark and tense atmosphere of the scene, adding depth and complexity to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While Chuck's marksmanship skills and ability to blend in with the Klan members showcase a subtle change in his character, the overall character development in the scene is limited. The focus is more on revealing the beliefs and actions of the Klan members.

Internal Goal: 8

Chuck's internal goal in this scene is to fit in and gain approval from the other Klansmen. This reflects his need for acceptance and belonging within the group.

External Goal: 7

Chuck's external goal is to demonstrate his shooting skills and impress the other Klansmen. This reflects the immediate challenge of proving his worth within the group.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high among the Klan members during target practice. The extreme racism and violence of the group create a palpable sense of danger and suspense, driving the conflict and character dynamics.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and beliefs that create a sense of conflict and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the extreme racism and violence of the Klan members creating a sense of danger and suspense. Chuck's role in the group adds a layer of risk and complexity, raising the stakes for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the extreme beliefs and actions of the Klan members, setting up future conflicts and character dynamics. Chuck's involvement adds a layer of intrigue and tension to the narrative, driving the plot forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shocking and controversial actions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between racist beliefs and moral values. Chuck's actions and dialogue challenge the audience's beliefs and values, highlighting the protagonist's worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking feelings of unease, tension, and discomfort due to the extreme racism and violence depicted. Chuck's role adds a layer of complexity and intrigue, engaging the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is impactful and revealing, showcasing the extreme racism and violence of the Klan members through their conversations and actions. The tension and conflict are effectively conveyed through the dialogue, adding depth to the character interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it challenges the audience's beliefs and emotions, creating a sense of unease and tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment of action and revelation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions and dialogue that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the escalating tension and conflict within the group.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the grotesque nature of the Klan's racism through the use of dark humor and shocking imagery. However, the dialogue can come off as overly explicit and gratuitous, which may detract from the impact of the scene. The humor in the Klan's banter feels forced at times, and it risks alienating the audience rather than drawing them into the horror of the situation.
  • Chuck's character is presented as somewhat complicit in the Klan's activities, which creates a complex dynamic. However, his laughter and participation in the shooting practice could be better contextualized to highlight his internal conflict. This would deepen his character and make the audience more invested in his journey.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The initial focus on Ron's photography creates a sense of tension, but this is quickly undercut by the shift to the Klan's banter. A more gradual transition between these two elements could enhance the overall flow and maintain suspense.
  • The use of the 'Running Nigger Target' is a powerful visual that underscores the Klan's dehumanization of Black individuals. However, the scene could benefit from a moment of reflection from Ron or Chuck after this revelation, allowing the audience to process the horror of what they are witnessing.
  • The camaraderie among the Klansmen is palpable, but it might be more effective to show some cracks in their facade. Introducing a moment of doubt or hesitation from Chuck could add depth to the scene and foreshadow his eventual conflict with their ideology.
Suggestions
  • Consider toning down some of the more explicit racist dialogue to maintain the scene's impact without overwhelming the audience. Subtlety can often be more powerful in conveying the horror of racism.
  • Add a moment of introspection for Chuck after he participates in the shooting practice. This could be a brief flash of doubt or a memory that contrasts with the Klan's ideology, helping to develop his character further.
  • Rework the pacing by allowing for a smoother transition between Ron's perspective and the Klan's banter. This could involve intercutting their dialogue with Ron's reactions to maintain tension.
  • Incorporate a moment where Ron captures a particularly shocking image that forces him to confront the reality of the Klan's actions. This could serve as a catalyst for his character development.
  • Introduce a character among the Klansmen who expresses discomfort with the group's actions, creating a dynamic that challenges the group's unity and adds complexity to the scene.



Scene 34 -  Dark Humor in the Shadows
83 EXT. OPEN FIELD - DUSK 83

Everyone is gone now. Ron walks through observing The Scene
looking over the remnants of the gathering.

CLOSE - RON

Ron picks up the Official Running Nigger Target full of
Bullet Holes.



84 INT. RON'S APARTMENT - DAY 84

Knocking at the door. Ron opens it and finds Butch standing
there. The two stare at each other for a moment, finally.

BUTCH
Wrong house.

Butch backs away as Patrice peeks from around Ron seeing
Butch. Butch sees her, turning to walk away.

PATRICE
Who was that?

Ron steps on the porch and watching Butch drive away.

RON STALLWORTH
Nobody.

INT. KITCHEN - BUTCH'S HOUSE - DAY

Duane, Ken and Butch are in the kitchen talking, drinking
beer and eating snacks. Chuck enters.


CHUCK
Hey, sorry had to work late. How you
guys doing?

Everyone greets Chuck, but Butch says. Chuck grabs a beer
from a cooler, pops the tab.

BUTCH
You got a Twin.

Everyone goes quiet looking at Chuck.

CHUCK
What?

BUTCH
And he's a Nigger.

Chuck looks dumbfounded. Butch nears him.

BUTCH
Looked in the Phone Book and went
over what I thought was your place
and found a Nig there.

Butch looks deadly. Duane and Ken look at Chuck. Finally.

CHUCK
My number's unlisted.

Butch just continues to stare.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
What address did you go to?

BUTCH
Over on... Bluestem.

CHUCK
I don't live on Bluestem. I live off
59th street...

BUTCH
So you don't know that Nigger?

CHUCK
Oh, that's that Nigger I keep in the
woodpile.

Everyone laughs. Butch finally cracks a grin.

CHUCK
113 59th street. Come by sometime
we'll have a beer.


Duane and Chuck clink cans.

BUTCH
And y'know what? That loud mouth
Black Student Union bitch that's been
in the paper complaining about the
Police. She was there.

CHUCK
Hate that Fuckin' Cunt.

BUTCH
Like to close those Monkey Lips
permanently.

CHUCK
Yeah, after I get em' 'round da Head
of my Dick.

Everyone laughs, agreeing.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a dusk-lit open field, Ron Stallworth reflects on the remnants of a gathering before transitioning to his apartment, where he encounters Butch, who mistakenly believes he is in the wrong place. The scene shifts to Butch's kitchen, where he and his friends—Duane, Ken, and Chuck—engage in crude jokes about a supposed Black twin of Chuck's and a Black student activist. Despite the underlying tension from Butch's racist comments, the group shares laughter and camaraderie, highlighting the darkly comedic tone of the scene.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of racism and prejudice
  • Tense confrontations and conflicts
  • Sharp and impactful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Derogatory language may be uncomfortable for some viewers
  • Lack of resolution in character conflicts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the dark themes of racism and prejudice, creating a tense and confrontational atmosphere. The dialogue is impactful and reveals the true nature of the characters, setting the stage for further conflict and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exposing deep-rooted prejudices and tensions within the group is compelling and drives the narrative forward. The scene effectively explores themes of racism and bigotry, adding depth to the characters and the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the scene reveals the characters' true nature and sets the stage for future conflicts and developments. The tension and confrontations add layers to the storyline, keeping the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring racism and undercover operations, with authentic dialogue that captures the harsh realities of the characters' beliefs and actions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with their prejudices and conflicts driving the scene forward. Chuck's confrontation with Butch adds depth to his character, while Butch's antagonistic behavior highlights the group's dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

Chuck undergoes a minor change as he confronts Butch and asserts his identity, showing a glimpse of his resilience and defiance. The scene sets the stage for potential character growth and development in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his cover and navigate the racial tensions around him. This reflects his need to balance his personal beliefs with his professional duties.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information and maintain his undercover operation. This reflects the immediate challenge of infiltrating a racist organization.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the characters' prejudices clash and tensions rise. The confrontations and hostile exchanges heighten the drama and set the stage for further conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs and values creating obstacles for the protagonist and driving the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high as the characters' racist beliefs and confrontations hint at potential dangers and conflicts. The scene sets the tone for escalating tensions and risks within the group.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing the characters' prejudices and escalating tensions within the group. It sets the stage for future conflicts and developments, driving the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in dialogue and character interactions, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between racist beliefs and the protagonist's moral values. This challenges the protagonist's worldview and forces him to confront his own biases.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly discomfort and tension, as the characters' racist attitudes are laid bare. The confrontations and derogatory remarks create a sense of unease and hostility, engaging the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful, showcasing the characters' racist language and confrontational exchanges. The sharp and derogatory remarks add authenticity to the scene, revealing the characters' true personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, complex character dynamics, and the underlying tension that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that propels the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters, building towards a climactic moment.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the dark humor and camaraderie among the Klan members, showcasing their racist attitudes through dialogue and interactions. However, the humor often feels forced and may alienate some viewers who find the subject matter too sensitive for comedic treatment.
  • The transition from Ron's observation of the aftermath of the gathering to the kitchen scene with Butch and his friends is abrupt. It would benefit from a smoother transition that connects Ron's emotional state after witnessing the Klan's activities to the casual racism displayed in Butch's kitchen.
  • The dialogue in the kitchen scene is filled with derogatory language and jokes that, while reflective of the characters' beliefs, may come off as excessive and gratuitous. This could detract from the overall impact of the scene, as it risks desensitizing the audience to the seriousness of the racism being portrayed.
  • Chuck's character is presented as somewhat complicit in the racist banter, which could create confusion about his role in the story. It would be helpful to clarify his motivations and internal conflict regarding his identity and the Klan's ideology, especially since he is a Jewish character in this context.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc or stakes for the characters involved. While it showcases their prejudices, it doesn't delve into the consequences of their actions or beliefs, which could enhance the narrative tension and provide a more profound commentary on racism.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Ron after he picks up the bullet-riddled target, perhaps showing his internal struggle with the violence and hatred he has witnessed. This could create a stronger emotional connection for the audience.
  • Introduce a more gradual transition between Ron's observation of the Klan's activities and the kitchen scene. This could involve a brief moment where Ron expresses his feelings about what he saw before cutting to the Klan members' casual racism.
  • Reduce the amount of overtly racist humor in the kitchen scene to maintain the gravity of the subject matter. Instead, focus on the characters' interactions and how their beliefs manifest in subtler ways, which can be just as impactful.
  • Clarify Chuck's internal conflict regarding his identity and the Klan's ideology. This could involve him expressing discomfort with the jokes or showing signs of dissent, which would add depth to his character and highlight the complexities of identity in the face of racism.
  • Incorporate a moment that hints at the potential consequences of the Klan's actions or beliefs, perhaps through a news report or a conversation about recent events. This would ground the scene in reality and remind the audience of the stakes involved.



Scene 35 -  Undercover Resolve
85 EXT. U.S. POST OFFICE - DAY 85

Ron in his car parked outside the Post Office excitedly rips
open A Letter from the KKK National Office. He grins and
claps his hands!

86 INT. INTELLIGENCE UNIT - CSPD - DAY 86

Chuck stands looking at what looks like a Credit Card as Ron
sits at his desk, leaning back, satisfied.

Close on the card as Chuck reads it.

CHUCK
Ron Stallworth
Member in Good Standing
Knights of the Ku Klux Klan

RON STALLWORTH
That's us the Stallworth twins.

CHUCK
Yeah, funny, but you didn't have that
Crazy Fuck Butch staring at you
asking where you lived.

RON STALLWORTH
I called to warn you, but you must
have already taken off.

CHUCK
Are you seeing that Girl from The
Black Student Union?


This surprises Ron.

RON STALLWORTH
Patrice. Yeah.

CHUCK
Are you Fucking kidding me?

RON STALLWORTH
What's the problem?

CHUCK
You don't cross those lines. This is
about an Investigation. Not a...
Relationship.

RON STALLWORTH
You're right, I'm messin' up. Hate to
violate that Blue Wall of Silence.

Chuck has no response to that.

CHUCK
Well, Butch noticed her at your
place. And they hate her guts.

RON STALLWORTH
Is she a Target?

CHUCK
I don't know. Maybe.

Ron goes quiet, concerned.

CHUCK
And don't let Chief know about
Patrice! He won't like it either.
Just how far do you plan to take
this?

RON STALLWORTH
Far as I can. Far as Chief let's me.

An excited Ron goes to the once stark empty white walls now
covered with numerous Klansmen Photos. Ron SLAPS the Photos
of Active Duty Soldiers.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
We got Active Duty Soldiers from Fort
Carson. Going to the CID with this.

Ron SLAPS the photo of Steve and Jerry.


RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
Our Mystery Boys Steve and Jerry.
Still don't know who they are.

Ron SLAPS photos of Butch, Duane, Louise.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
We got Butch's Old Klan Crew.

Ron turns to Chuck and he SLAPS a photo of Ken.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
And we got new Klan Ken.

CHUCK
He's a General without an Army.
Butch's crew is stronger than him.

Chuck looks at Ron, amazed.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
You've really been talking to David
Duke?

RON STALLWORTH
Oh Hell yeah!!!

Ron SLAPS The Large Photo of David Duke.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
That's my Ace Boon Coon Running
Partner! And now that you got that...

Ron points at the Membership Card.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
...Ronny Boy. We are on a Roll,
Baby!!!

Ron laughs, stops, looks at Chuck, who is in another place.

RON STALLWORTH (cont'd)
What?

Ron goes and sits near Chuck.

RON STALLWORTH (cont'd)
Talk to me.

CHUCK
This Shits getting to me.

Chuck gets up and steps away.


CHUCK (CONT'D)
I've been working Undercover a long
time. Nothing ever bothered me
before... this does.

RON STALLWORTH
Hey, Man, it gets me too. Bad.

CHUCK
You know, when Butch had me in that
room and I kept having to deny I was
Jewish. It made me think.

Chuck looks at Ron.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
I have been passing.

Ron listens.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
See, my, Parents split up when I was
a Kid and My mother kinda fell away
from things. So I never thought much
about being Jewish. I was always just
another White Kid.

Ron continues to listen.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
My Grandfather survived Buckenwald.

RON STALLWORTH
I'm sorry to hear.

CHUCK
He passed away a couple years ago.

Ron understands the weight of this.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
And every time that fuckin' Butch
made me deny I was Jewish... I
thought of him.

Chuck looks up at Ron his eyes full of Anger and Hurt.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
Let's get these Muthafuckas.

RON STALLWORTH
Let's get these Muthafuckas.

They SLAP each other Five!
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In the Intelligence Unit of the Colorado Springs Police Department, Ron Stallworth receives a KKK membership card, igniting excitement and concern from his partner Chuck. While Ron is enthusiastic about his undercover work, Chuck warns him about the potential dangers to Ron's girlfriend, Patrice, and shares his own struggles with his Jewish identity linked to the Holocaust. Their conversation highlights the serious implications of their investigation into the KKK, culminating in a shared determination to confront the hate group. The scene ends with a visual representation of their commitment as they slap hands in solidarity.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Revealing dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential pacing issues in the emotional revelations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into the emotional and psychological impact of undercover work, revealing layers of character development and setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of identity, loyalty, and moral dilemmas is central to the scene, providing a rich foundation for character growth and narrative complexity.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly through revelations about the characters' backgrounds and motivations, setting the stage for heightened tension and conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on themes of race, identity, and justice, with authentic character interactions and realistic dialogue. The writer's approach to undercover investigation and personal relationships adds originality to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional and psychological shifts, deepening their complexity and paving the way for compelling arcs and interactions.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant changes in their perspectives and self-awareness, leading to personal growth and shifting dynamics.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron's internal goal is to balance his personal relationships, particularly with Patrice, and his professional duties as an undercover detective. This reflects his desire for connection and justice.

External Goal: 7.5

Ron's external goal is to gather information on the Klan members and their activities. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in infiltrating the organization and preventing potential harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict is palpable, stemming from internal struggles and external threats, heightening the tension and emotional stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, emotional stakes, and personal revelations. The characters face internal and external obstacles that challenge their beliefs and motivations.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, both personally and professionally, as the characters navigate dangerous territory and face moral dilemmas that could have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information, deepening character relationships, and setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, unexpected revelations, and emotional intensity. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflicts will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around identity and belonging. Chuck's revelation about his Jewish heritage challenges his perception of himself as just another white kid, highlighting the complexities of racial identity and passing.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through the characters' revelations and conflicts, resonating with the audience on a deep level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful, revealing the characters' inner turmoil and conflicting loyalties, adding depth to the scene's emotional resonance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, emotional depth, and suspenseful moments. The dialogue and pacing keep the audience invested in the characters' journey.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue-driven moments and action sequences. The rhythm of the scene enhances the emotional impact and maintains the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character dynamics.

Structure: 8.5

The scene follows a coherent structure, with clear character motivations and narrative progression. The dialogue and actions flow naturally, contributing to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Ron's undercover work and his personal relationships, particularly with Patrice. This conflict adds depth to Ron's character and raises the stakes of the investigation. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional weight of the conversation between Ron and Chuck. Currently, it feels somewhat expository, and subtlety could make their concerns more impactful.
  • Chuck's internal struggle regarding his Jewish identity is a powerful addition to the scene, but it could be further developed. The transition from discussing the KKK to Chuck's personal history feels abrupt. A smoother segue could help maintain the emotional flow and allow the audience to fully grasp the significance of Chuck's background in relation to the Klan's ideology.
  • The humor in the scene, particularly Ron's excitement about the KKK membership card, contrasts sharply with the serious themes of racism and identity. While this juxtaposition can be effective, it risks undermining the gravity of the situation. The writer should consider balancing the comedic elements with the darker themes to maintain the scene's overall tone.
  • The physical actions, such as Ron slapping photos, are visually engaging but could be more purposeful. Each slap should convey a specific emotion or thought process, rather than just serving as a physical action. This would enhance the visual storytelling and deepen the audience's connection to Ron's motivations.
  • The ending, where Ron and Chuck share a moment of camaraderie, is a strong conclusion to the scene. However, it could be more impactful if it included a visual or auditory cue that emphasizes their determination, such as a close-up on their hands slapping together or a shared look of resolve. This would reinforce their bond and commitment to the mission.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue between Ron and Chuck to enhance emotional depth. Consider using pauses or interruptions to convey unspoken feelings.
  • Smooth the transition between the discussion of the KKK and Chuck's personal history by adding a line or two that connects the two topics, allowing for a more natural flow.
  • Balance the humor with the serious themes by ensuring that comedic moments do not overshadow the gravity of the investigation and its implications.
  • Make the physical actions more purposeful by ensuring that each slap of the photo conveys a specific emotion or thought, enhancing the visual storytelling.
  • Add a visual or auditory cue at the end of the scene to emphasize Ron and Chuck's determination, reinforcing their bond and commitment to taking down the KKK.



Scene 36 -  Facing Intimidation
87 EXT. RON'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 87

Ron reaches his Front Door carrying sacks of Groceries. With
one hand that's slightly free, he unlocks the front door.

88 INT. RON'S APARTMENT/KITCHEN - NIGHT 88

Ron sets the groceries down on the kitchen counter when the
phone RINGS. He grabs a Phone on the wall.

RON STALLWORTH
Hello.

Ron listens.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
HEY! Okay, Okay, I'll be right there.

89 EXT. FREEDOM HOUSE - NIGHT 89

Ron drives up and gets out his Car and walks up meeting
Patrice and other Members of the Black Student Union outside
holding flyers.

Patrice stands there looking very upset she shoves a Flyer
out at Ron. He takes it, reads.

THE FLYER (RON'S POV)

A drawing of a Hooded and Robed Klansman. Above the Drawing,
there's Text: You Can Sleep Tonight Knowing The Klan Is
Awake.

2 SHOT - PATRICE AND RON

RON STALLWORTH
Where'd you find them?

PATRICE
I found this one on my Car. But
they're all over The Neighborhood,
too.

Ron looks around seeing Residents and Students holding the
Flyers discussing them, some upset, others bewildered.

PATRICE (CONT'D)
Do you think this is Real?

RON STALLWORTH
It's Real.

ANGLE - STREET

Hakim, Leon and the Others react not having seen anything.


PATRICE
This is intimidation.

RON STALLWORTH
Clearly, this is about the Black
Student Union and you.

PATRICE
Me?

RON STALLWORTH
You've been outspoken about the
incident with the Police when Kwame
was here.

PATRICE
So the next time they'll have a
Burning Cross out Front.

RON STALLWORTH
They're trying to get to you. Don't
let them in. Like you said they want
to intimidate make themselves feared.
If you don't let 'em scare you. They
got nothing. But keep your eyes open.
Be Cool.

HAKIM
That's the problem we've been too
Cool!

LEON
Way too Cool!

RON STALLWORTH
Maybe the both of you should call The
Cops.

HAKIM
How we know this ain't some of the
KKK's Honky-Pig-Partners passing out
this Shit!

Patrice and Ron step away from the guys. They walk and talk.

PATRICE
Leon and Hakim have Big Mouths.

RON STALLWORTH
They have the right to their opinion.
Quiet as it's kept I kinda' agree
with him.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Ron arrives home with groceries and receives a call that leads him to Freedom House, where he meets Patrice and other members of the Black Student Union. They are distressed by flyers depicting a Klansman that have been distributed in their neighborhood. Patrice voices her fears about the intimidation tactics, while Ron encourages the group to remain strong and vigilant. Tensions rise as Hakim and Leon express frustration over their passive response to the threats. The scene captures the group's serious discussions about safety and the need for a united front against intimidation, ending with Ron and Patrice stepping aside for a private conversation.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of escalating tension
  • Strong emotional impact on characters
  • Clear thematic focus on resilience and vigilance
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of the Klan's motivations and tactics
  • Some dialogue may feel slightly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the rising tension and fear faced by the characters, setting up a crucial conflict and emphasizing the need for resilience and vigilance. The dialogue is impactful and the emotional stakes are high.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of intimidation tactics used by the Klan to instill fear and silence dissent is effectively portrayed. The scene emphasizes the importance of standing up against oppression and maintaining vigilance in the face of threats.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the escalating tension and fear caused by the Klan's intimidation tactics, setting up a crucial conflict for the characters to navigate. The stakes are high, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to addressing themes of racism and activism, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the intimidation tactics are well-developed, showcasing their fear, defiance, and determination. The scene effectively highlights the emotional impact of the situation on the characters.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo a shift from fear to defiance and determination in the face of intimidation, showcasing their resilience and willingness to stand up against oppression. The scene marks a turning point in their emotional journey.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron's internal goal is to protect and support Patrice and the Black Student Union, reflecting his deeper desire to fight against racism and injustice.

External Goal: 7.5

Ron's external goal is to investigate and address the threat posed by the Ku Klux Klan flyers and ensure the safety of Patrice and the Black Student Union.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with the characters facing intimidation tactics from the Klan and grappling with fear and defiance. The escalating tension drives the narrative forward and heightens the emotional stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the threat of the Ku Klux Klan flyers creating a sense of danger and urgency that drives the characters' actions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing intimidation tactics from the Klan and grappling with fear, defiance, and determination. The outcome of their response to the threat will have significant consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a crucial conflict and escalating tension between the characters and the Klan. It sets up a significant narrative arc and drives the plot towards a climactic confrontation.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the escalating tension and uncertainty surrounding the threat posed by the Ku Klux Klan flyers.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the values of fear and courage, as well as the power dynamics of intimidation and resistance. This challenges Ron and Patrice's beliefs in standing up against oppression.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, evoking fear, anxiety, and determination in the characters' responses to the Klan's intimidation tactics. The audience is drawn into the characters' emotional turmoil and resilience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and determination in the face of intimidation. It drives the conflict forward and adds depth to the characters' responses.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and relevant social themes that draw the audience into the characters' struggles.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through character interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a sense of urgency and tension with the introduction of the Klan flyers, which serves as a catalyst for the characters' reactions. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, while Ron reassures Patrice, the dialogue feels somewhat on-the-nose. Adding layers of complexity to their conversation could deepen the audience's connection to their plight.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but it could be improved by varying the rhythm of the dialogue. Some exchanges feel rushed, particularly when Ron and Patrice discuss the implications of the flyers. Allowing for pauses or interruptions could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of the situation.
  • The characters of Hakim and Leon serve as a chorus of frustration, but their dialogue lacks distinctiveness. They come off as somewhat generic in their responses. Giving them unique voices or perspectives could make their contributions more impactful and memorable.
  • The visual elements are strong, particularly the description of the flyer and the reactions of the residents. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further. Describing the atmosphere, such as the sounds of the neighborhood or the expressions on people's faces, would enhance the emotional weight of the moment.
  • The transition from Ron's apartment to Freedom House is somewhat abrupt. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge the two locations, emphasizing Ron's emotional state as he moves from a personal space to a community under threat.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding subtext to the dialogue between Ron and Patrice. Instead of Ron simply stating that they shouldn't let fear control them, he could share a personal story or a moment of vulnerability that illustrates his understanding of fear and resilience.
  • Introduce pauses in the dialogue to allow characters to process the gravity of the situation. This could be achieved through physical actions, such as Ron looking around at the community or Patrice taking a moment to breathe before responding.
  • Differentiate Hakim and Leon's voices by giving them distinct speech patterns or attitudes. For example, one could be more confrontational while the other is more analytical, which would add depth to their characters and make their perspectives more engaging.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a vivid atmosphere. Describe the sounds of the neighborhood, the expressions on people's faces, or even the weather to enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Create a smoother transition between Ron's apartment and Freedom House by including a brief moment of reflection for Ron as he drives. This could be a visual cue, such as a shot of him looking in the rearview mirror, contemplating the weight of his dual identity as a cop and a Black man in a racially charged environment.



Scene 37 -  Night of Reckoning
90 EXT. WINDING ROAD - HILLSIDE - NIGHT 90

A Fleet of Pickups rides uphill. A Flat Bed on the end of The
Convoy has an Eighteen-Foot Wooden Cross fastened on it.

A CSPD Patrol Car drives past The Convoy, headed downhill.

91 INT. DUANE'S CAR - WINDING ROAD - NIGHT 91

Duane, riding with Chuck, watches The Patrol Car pass in the
opposite direction.

DUANE
Soak the Wood in Kerosene, we light a
Cig on a pack of matches. Gives us
time to Beat It before The Cross
catches Fire. Safeguard against CSPD.

CHUCK
Must be quite a sight.

DUANE
The Best. You can see it for Miles.
Freaks out The Jew Media and puts
Niggers on their Nigger Toes.

They ride in silence for a moment.

CHUCK
A lot of these Guys in The Army?

DUANE
Yeah, even got a few in Active Duty.

CHUCK
I'm a Military Guy myself.

Duane's eyes light up.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
Oh yeah? Know anything about C4?

DUANE
Enough to set it off.

Chuck stops talking. He might've revealed a bit too much.

Duane lets him off The Hook:

CHUCK (CONT'D)
Honestly, I never messed with C4.




CUT TO:

92 EXT. OPPOSITE HILLSIDE - NIGHT 92

Ron watches as Ken and Butch argue through Night Vision
Binoculars. Ron says on the Walkie-Talkie.

RON STALLWORTH
Send another one.

CUT TO:

Another Patrol Car passes.

DUANE
Damn, that's The Second One. Pigs are
out tonight.

93 EXT. TOP OF THE HILL - HILLSIDE - NIGHT 93

The Convoy crests The Hill, pulls to The Side of The Road.

The Klansmen dismount and gather around The Flatbed Truck
carrying the Wooden Cross.

Another CSPD Patrol Car appears. It passes by, not slowing.

BUTCH
That makes Three Piggy Wiggys.

Everyone stops what they're doing.

Butch turns and catches Chuck’s eye. It almost seems as if
he's staring directly at Chuck...

CUT TO:

94 RON LOOKING THROUGH THE BINOCULARS 94

lowers them, grins to himself.

RON STALLWORTH
Good job, Men.

CUT TO:

THE PICKUP TRUCKS

Peeling out, heading back down The Hill.


95 INT. PATRICE'S HOUSE - DAY 95

Patrice comes outside and gets in Car taking off. Butch has
been watching her the whole time sitting in his pick up
truck. He spits, tosses his cigar and follows her.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary A convoy of pickup trucks ascends a dark hillside, carrying a large wooden cross as Duane and Chuck plot to set it ablaze while evading police. Tension rises as they discuss explosives and military experience, with Ron monitoring their actions from a distance. The atmosphere is foreboding as they prepare for their violent spectacle, ultimately leaving the hill without confrontation.
Strengths
  • Effective tension-building
  • Sinister atmosphere
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Limited dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the planning and execution of the cross burning, creating a sense of danger and foreboding.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the planning and execution of a cross burning by the Klan members, is well-developed and contributes to the overall narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene, centered around the Klan members planning and executing a cross burning, is crucial in showcasing the escalating conflict and danger in the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring racial tensions and extremist beliefs, with authentic dialogue and actions that feel true to the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Butch and Chuck, are well-portrayed in their roles within the Klan, adding depth and tension to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and dynamics between characters, particularly Chuck and Duane, add depth to their personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

Duane's internal goal is to assert his authority and knowledge within the group, showcasing his expertise in handling explosives and military tactics.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully execute the plan of lighting the wooden cross on fire and escaping before the police arrive.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high as the Klan members plan and execute the cross burning, leading to a dangerous and intense situation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing obstacles and challenges that add to the suspense and uncertainty of the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the Klan members plan and execute a cross burning, putting lives at risk and intensifying the conflict in the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and danger, setting the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between racist beliefs and societal norms. The characters' actions and dialogue challenge the audience's values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a significant emotional impact due to the sinister and tense atmosphere, evoking feelings of unease and discomfort in the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the sinister and tense atmosphere, with conversations between Duane and Chuck adding to the suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, controversial themes, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the characters' dangerous world.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and tension, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene effectively conveys the action and dialogue, enhancing the tension and suspense of the moment.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful and tense moment in the screenplay, building up to a climactic resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by showcasing the Klan's plans under the cover of night, which heightens the sense of danger and secrecy. However, the dialogue between Duane and Chuck could benefit from more subtext to reveal their motivations and fears, rather than just their overt racism. This would add depth to their characters and make the audience more invested in the unfolding events.
  • The use of the term 'Nigger' in Duane's dialogue is jarring and serves to highlight the racism of the characters, but it may also alienate some viewers. While it is important to portray the reality of such hate speech, consider whether there are alternative ways to convey their bigotry without relying solely on slurs, which can detract from the overall narrative impact.
  • The transition between the convoy's movement and Ron's surveillance is effective, but the pacing could be improved. The scene feels rushed at times, particularly when Duane and Chuck discuss C4. Expanding this dialogue could create a more suspenseful buildup, allowing the audience to feel the weight of their conversation and the implications of their actions.
  • The visual imagery of the wooden cross and the convoy is powerful, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the sounds of the trucks, the atmosphere of the night, or the tension in the air would immerse the audience further into the scene.
  • The ending of the scene, where Butch watches Patrice, introduces a new layer of tension, but it feels somewhat abrupt. A more gradual build-up to this moment could enhance its impact, perhaps by showing Butch's internal conflict or motivations for following her, which would add complexity to his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Duane and Chuck's dialogue to reveal their motivations and fears, making them more complex characters.
  • Evaluate the use of racial slurs in the dialogue; explore alternative ways to convey the characters' bigotry without relying solely on hate speech.
  • Expand the dialogue about C4 to create a more suspenseful buildup, allowing the audience to feel the weight of their conversation.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the visual imagery of the scene, such as sounds and atmosphere, to immerse the audience further.
  • Gradually build up to Butch's moment of watching Patrice to enhance its impact, possibly by exploring his internal conflict or motivations.



Scene 38 -  Conversations with a Klansman
96 INT. RON'S DESK - CSPD INTELLIGENCE UNIT - NIGHT 96

It's late. Ron's on the phone in mid-conversation. It is
intercut with David Duke speaking on the sofa in his office:

DAVID DUKE
...I don't share this with many
people, but My family had a Black
Housekeeper growing up. Her name was
Pinky. She was probably the closest
Woman to me other than Mother.

RON STALLWORTH
That surprises me.

DAVID DUKE
I know. People think I hate Black
People. I don't and the Klan doesn't.

Ron gives a "This Is Crazy!" Look.

DAVID DUKE
They just need to be with their own.
That's what Pinky would say, she had
no problem with Segregation because
she wanted to be with her own kind.

RON STALLWORTH
Sounds like she was a Mammy to you.

DAVID DUKE
She was. You ever see "Gone with the
Wind." That's the relationship I had
with Pinky.

RON STALLWORTH
You were Scarlett and she was Mammy.

DAVID DUKE
That's right. When she died it was
like we lost one of the Family.

RON STALLWORTH
A good Nigger's funny that way. In
that sense they're like a dog. They
can get real close to you and when
you lose em'. Just breaks your heart.


DAVID DUKE
Well said Ron.

RON STALLWORTH
I knew a Nigger once.

DAVID DUKE
Yeah.

RON STALLWORTH
Yeah. He lived across the street from
us. I must of been Six or Seven. His
name was Willie. Me and Willie played
together everyday. One day My Father
came home early from work and told me
I couldn't play with Willie anymore
because I was White and Willie was a
Nigger.

Duke laughs.

DAVID DUKE
That's rich.

Ron's face reveals the story is probably true, but reversed.

RON STALLWORTH
Ain't it.

DAVID DUKE
Well, you're an upstanding White
Christian Man. I tell you this is why
we need more people like us in Public
Office. To get this Country back on
Track.

RON STALLWORTH
Amen.

DAVID DUKE
For America to Achieve our Greatness
again.

RON STALLWORTH
Absolutely. Sure wish we had the
chance to chat Face to Face.

DAVID DUKE
In due time my friend. I'll be in
Colorado Springs for your
initiation...

RON STALLWORTH
You'll be in Colorado Springs?


DAVID DUKE
Yes-Siree-Bob.

Ron smiles and takes a SMALL NOTE PAD from his jacket pocket
and writes something down.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In this tense and ironic scene, Ron Stallworth engages in a phone conversation with David Duke, where Duke shares nostalgic stories that reveal his racist beliefs. As Duke expresses a desire for segregation and more people like him in public office, Ron subtly counters his narrative, exposing the absurdity of Duke's views while maintaining his cover as an undercover Black cop. The scene highlights the stark conflict between their perspectives on race, culminating in Ron's facade of agreement as he takes notes, indicating the gravity of the information exchanged.
Strengths
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Emotional impact
  • Character exploration
Weaknesses
  • Controversial subject matter
  • Unsettling themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is impactful in its portrayal of racism and the casual acceptance of discriminatory beliefs. It effectively conveys the unsettling nature of the conversation between Ron and David Duke, leaving a lasting impression on the audience.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of confronting racism head-on and exposing the underlying prejudices of a prominent figure like David Duke is crucial to the narrative. The scene effectively explores the complexities of racism and its deep-rooted presence in society.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Ron engages in a revealing conversation with David Duke, shedding light on the character's beliefs and motivations. The scene adds depth to the storyline by exploring the themes of racism and discrimination.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring race relations and white supremacy through the lens of a police investigation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Ron and David Duke are well-developed in this scene, with their contrasting perspectives and ideologies creating a compelling dynamic. The scene allows for a deeper understanding of their motivations and beliefs.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it deepens the audience's understanding of Ron and David Duke's motivations and beliefs. The interaction between the characters reveals more about their personalities and values.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron's internal goal is to navigate the conversation with David Duke while maintaining his composure and gathering information for his investigation. This reflects his need to balance his identity as a police officer and an African American man, as well as his fear of being exposed or compromised.

External Goal: 7.5

Ron's external goal is to gather information from David Duke to further his investigation into the Ku Klux Klan. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in infiltrating the organization and preventing potential violence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily ideological, as Ron and David Duke clash over their beliefs and perspectives on race. The tension arises from the contrasting viewpoints and the underlying prejudices that fuel their conversation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and power dynamics creating obstacles for the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Ron navigates a dangerous undercover mission and confronts the disturbing reality of racism within the KKK. The conversation with David Duke raises the stakes for Ron and adds tension to the storyline.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial insights into the mindset of David Duke and the challenges faced by Ron in his undercover operation. It sets the stage for future conflicts and developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelations and twists in the characters' interactions, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Ron's belief in equality and justice and David Duke's white supremacist ideology. This challenges Ron's values and worldview, forcing him to confront the deep-seated racism and hatred present in society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, eliciting feelings of discomfort, anger, and reflection. The intense dialogue and controversial themes contribute to the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, delving into controversial topics with a raw and unfiltered approach. The exchanges between Ron and David Duke are thought-provoking and reveal the underlying tensions between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense dialogue, conflicting ideologies, and the suspense of Ron's undercover operation.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear dialogue and character interactions driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the absurdity of David Duke's racist beliefs through the juxtaposition of his nostalgic memories with Ron's sarcastic responses. This contrast highlights the ridiculousness of Duke's perspective, making the audience question the validity of his claims.
  • The dialogue is sharp and serves to reveal character motivations and beliefs. Ron's responses are cleverly crafted to maintain his cover while subtly mocking Duke's views, which adds depth to his character as an undercover officer.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with the intercutting between Ron and Duke creating a sense of tension and urgency. This technique keeps the audience engaged and emphasizes the stakes of Ron's undercover operation.
  • However, the use of the term 'Nigger' in Ron's dialogue, while intended to reflect the racist language of the time, may come off as jarring to modern audiences. It risks alienating viewers who might find it difficult to engage with the character due to the language used, even in a satirical context.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual elements to enhance the storytelling. For instance, showing Ron's physical reactions or the environment around him could provide additional context and emotional weight to the conversation.
Suggestions
  • Consider softening the language used by Ron to maintain the satirical tone without risking alienation of the audience. This could involve using euphemisms or less offensive terms that still convey the same message.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as Ron's body language or facial expressions, to convey his internal conflict and the absurdity of the conversation with Duke. This could enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Explore the use of background sounds or visuals that reflect the tension of the conversation, such as the sounds of the city or the presence of other characters in the background, to create a more immersive atmosphere.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Ron after the call, where he processes the conversation and its implications for his undercover work. This could deepen the audience's understanding of his character and the stakes involved.



Scene 39 -  A Leadership Dilemma
97 INT. CSPD INTELLIGENCE UNIT - DAY 97

Ron, at his desk, is on the Undercover Phone Line.

KEN (O.S.)
I've gotta be honest with you. I've
been losing support from The Comrades
over the last few months and with The
Elections coming up next month, I
don't think I'd carry The Vote.

RON STALLWORTH
The Vote...?

KEN (O.S.)
We need a new Leader. Someone
everyone can unite behind. Butch
would Love to be The One but we can't
let that happen. He's a Crazy Son Of
A Bitch. A Loose Cannon. We need
someone Articulate, who displays
Great Leadership qualities... It
should be you, Ron. You should be
Chapter President.

Ron sits there a moment, unable to say a word. After he
composes himself:

RON STALLWORTH
That's quite an Honor.

KEN (O.S.)
You will be a Great Chapter
President.

RON STALLWORTH
I 'm having to visit my sick Father
in El Paso I don't know if I'll have
time. I'll have to think about it.

KEN (O.S.)
You're a Smart and Diligent Man. I've
got no doubt you could handle it.

98 INT. NARCOTICS DIVISION - CSPD - DAY 98

Ron, giddy, stands at Chuck's Desk. He is putting on his
jacket preparing to leave.


CHUCK
No. No. No. We can't do it.

RON STALLWORTH
Imagine the access we'd have!!!

CHUCK
It could make the Case, but it's
Borderline Entrapment. Did you give
them an excuse why I couldn't do it?

Ron and Chuck walk out the office going down the hall
talking. Ron explains the excuse he used to Chuck.


99 INT. UNMARKED CAR - NIGHT 99

The Car's parked across The Street. Ron listens in.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, Ron Stallworth receives an unexpected offer from Ken to become the new Chapter President of The Comrades, which he contemplates while balancing his obligation to visit his sick father. As he discusses the potential benefits of this role with Chuck, who warns him about the ethical implications of their undercover operations, Ron's excitement is tempered by his internal conflict. The scene transitions from the bright office to the dark atmosphere of an unmarked car at night, where Ron listens intently, indicating a shift towards a more covert operation.
Strengths
  • Compelling dialogue
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Potential for moral ambiguity
  • Lack of external action or visual dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a crucial decision for Ron, adding depth to his character and the overall plot. The dialogue is engaging and propels the narrative forward, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding events.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Ron being offered a leadership position within the KKK is a powerful and thought-provoking idea that raises questions about identity, loyalty, and the blurred lines of undercover work. It adds depth to the character dynamics and thematic exploration of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene as Ron is faced with a pivotal decision that will have far-reaching consequences. The offer of becoming Chapter President introduces new conflicts and challenges, driving the narrative forward with a sense of urgency.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of leadership and loyalty within a police setting, with authentic character interactions and ethical dilemmas.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene delves into Ron's internal conflict and moral dilemma, showcasing his complexity as a character. The interactions between Ron and Chuck also reveal their dynamic and the ethical challenges they face in their undercover operation.

Character Changes: 8

Ron undergoes a significant internal change in this scene, as he is confronted with a life-altering decision that challenges his beliefs and values. The offer of leadership within the KKK forces him to confront his own identity and the consequences of his undercover work.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the offer of becoming Chapter President while dealing with personal obligations. This reflects his desire for recognition and leadership, as well as his internal conflict between duty and personal life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the delicate situation of being offered a leadership position while balancing personal responsibilities and ethical considerations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, as Ron faces a moral dilemma and the pressure of the offer to become Chapter President. The tension between personal values and professional obligations creates a compelling conflict that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and ethical considerations that challenge the protagonist's decisions and actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as Ron is faced with a decision that could have profound consequences for his undercover operation and personal safety. The offer of becoming Chapter President raises the stakes and intensifies the moral dilemmas at play.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a major turning point for Ron and setting up new conflicts and challenges. It deepens the narrative complexity and sets the stage for further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected offer of leadership and the protagonist's internal struggle with accepting it.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's sense of duty and loyalty to his job versus his personal obligations and ethical considerations. It challenges his beliefs about leadership and integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and anxiety to intrigue and determination. Ron's internal struggle and the weight of the decision he must make resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, reflecting the tension and stakes of the scene. It effectively conveys the conflicting emotions and motivations of the characters, adding depth to their interactions and the overall narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, conflicting goals, and sharp dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the characters' decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the characters' dilemmas and decisions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and action, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by showcasing Ron's internal conflict as he grapples with the unexpected offer to become Chapter President of the KKK. This moment highlights the absurdity of a Black man being considered for such a position, which adds a layer of irony and dark humor to the narrative.
  • Ken's dialogue is well-crafted, revealing his desperation for leadership and the dynamics within the Klan. However, the transition from Ron's shock to his composed response could be more pronounced to emphasize the weight of the moment.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly in Ron's transition from shock to excitement about the potential access the presidency could provide. A moment of reflection or hesitation could enhance the emotional impact.
  • The dialogue between Ron and Chuck in the following scene serves as a good contrast to the previous tension, but it could benefit from more depth. Chuck's concerns about entrapment are valid, yet they could be explored further to highlight the moral implications of their actions.
  • The visual elements are minimal in this scene, primarily focusing on dialogue. Incorporating more physical reactions or expressions from Ron could help convey his emotional state more vividly, allowing the audience to connect with his internal struggle.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a physical reaction from Ron after Ken's proposal to emphasize the gravity of the situation and his internal conflict.
  • Expand on Ron's thought process after Ken's offer. A few lines of internal monologue could provide insight into his feelings about the Klan and the implications of accepting such a role.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as Ron's body language or facial expressions, to convey his emotional state during the conversation with Ken.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Ron and Chuck in the subsequent scene to delve deeper into the ethical dilemmas they face, perhaps by including a specific example of how entrapment could affect their investigation.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic visual cue, such as Ron's hand hesitating over the phone or a close-up of his face reflecting the weight of the decision he faces, to leave the audience with a strong emotional impression.



Scene 40 -  Tensions and Traditions
100 INT. KEN'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT 100

The Whole Chapter is present. Half of them are open-carrying.
In a corner, Duane teaches Chuck the historic Klan handshake.
Index and Middle Finger extended along The Inside Wrist.

KEN
I just want to say that I'm very
pleased with the Recruitment efforts
from all you Brothers. Give
yourselves a round of applause...

Muted claps.

KEN (CONT'D)
It'll make Mr. Duke Proud!!! Now, I
have one more thing to say. I think
it's time for some new Blood to get
in here. I'm planning to step down as
your President.

Members exchanged looks. Butch can't hide his smile.

KEN (CONT'D)
I'd like to make a nomination...
Mr. Ron Stallworth for Chapter
President.

The Room is Silent.

BUTCH
We just met this Guy.

DUANE
He just walked in off the street.


BUTCH
Let me ask a question. Is there
anybody in this House that is willing
to put their Neck on the Line for
Ron?

KEN
I will vouch for Ron.

All eyes turn to Chuck.

CHUCK
It's a Big Honor but I can't accept.
Problem is, what you Good Men need is
a President who will be on CALL 24/7,
I'll be looking after my ill Father
in Dallas.

101 INT. UNMARKED CAR - NIGHT 101

Ron on headphones squints, WORRIED, saying to himself.

RON STALLWORTH
El Paso, Chuck, El Paso...

102 INT. KEN'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT 102

KEN
On the Phone you said you were
visiting your Father in El Paso.

The rest of the Chapter Members are paying attention now.

CHUCK
Did I say El Paso?

KEN
You sure did.

BUTCH
Ron which One is it?

The whole Room waits.

CHUCK
Dallas is where my Plane layover is.
El Paso is where my Father is.

They buy it. We think.

DUANE
Dallas where they killed that Nigger
Lover Kennedy.

The Chapter chatters in agreement.


CHUCK
I just hope my Father isn't cared for
by some Texicano Spic Nurse.

Collective moans.

BUTCH
Hold on now, they got Big Teets.
WetBacks Wet Nurse ya Ole Man to
Health.

Big Laughs.

CHUCK
My Father's a Good Man. And he
deserves the best care for the Time
he has left.

KEN
We'll pray for ya Pop's health.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense Klan chapter meeting at Ken's house, members discuss leadership changes as Ken announces his resignation and nominates Ron Stallworth, who is met with skepticism. Chuck, initially a candidate, declines due to family obligations, leading to confusion about his father's whereabouts. The meeting is marked by racist banter and camaraderie, revealing the group's dynamics, while Ken offers support for Chuck's situation. The scene captures the charged atmosphere and underlying prejudices of the members.
Strengths
  • Effective portrayal of power struggles within the group
  • Authentic dialogue and interactions
  • Tension and humor blend well to engage the audience
Weaknesses
  • Use of offensive language and humor may be uncomfortable for some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes the power dynamics within the group, introduces conflict through the nomination process, and sets the tone for the group's beliefs and interactions. The mix of tension, humor, and controversial topics keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the nomination of a new Chapter President within the white supremacist group, showcasing the power struggles, humor, and offensive beliefs of the characters. It effectively sets the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene focuses on the nomination process and the reactions of the characters, revealing their personalities and beliefs. It moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and dynamics within the group.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the undercover cop genre by exploring the complexities of race, identity, and morality. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene are well-defined through their interactions, dialogue, and reactions to the nomination process. Each character's personality, beliefs, and motivations are effectively portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the nomination process and interactions reveal more about the characters' personalities, beliefs, and motivations. It sets the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the situation and maintain his cover as an undercover cop. This reflects his deeper need to uncover and expose the Klan's activities while facing the fear of being discovered.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gain the trust of the Klan members and gather information on their activities. This reflects the immediate challenge of infiltrating the group and gathering evidence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The scene has a high level of conflict due to the power struggles, offensive humor, and tension among the characters during the nomination process. The conflicting beliefs and personalities create a dynamic and engaging atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and motivations among the characters creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene due to the power struggles, offensive beliefs, and tensions among the characters. The nomination process and its implications add a sense of urgency and importance to the group's dynamics.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, dynamics, and tensions within the group. It sets up future plot developments and character arcs, driving the narrative towards resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in dialogue and character motivations, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's values of justice and equality against the Klan's racist beliefs and actions. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and worldview, highlighting the moral dilemma he faces.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, humor, and discomfort due to the characters' offensive beliefs and interactions. It sets a tone of unease and anticipation for future developments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, humor, and controversial nature of the characters' interactions. It reveals their beliefs, prejudices, and dynamics within the group, enhancing the authenticity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, moral dilemmas, and dark humor present in the interactions between characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense through dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and absurdity of the Klan's internal dynamics, particularly through the juxtaposition of their serious intentions with their ridiculous banter. However, the humor can sometimes undermine the gravity of the situation, which may confuse the audience about the tone. It's important to maintain a balance between highlighting the absurdity of their beliefs and the real threat they pose.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, while the characters make racist jokes, there could be moments where their insecurities or doubts about their beliefs surface, adding depth to their interactions.
  • The pacing feels slightly uneven, particularly with the transition from Ken's nomination of Ron to Chuck's reluctance. The shift from the excitement of a new leadership nomination to Chuck's personal conflict could be smoother, allowing for a more natural build-up of tension.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual element that could enhance the atmosphere. Describing the setting in more detail—such as the decor of Ken's house, the expressions on the members' faces, or the way they handle their weapons—could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The character dynamics are interesting, but the motivations behind Ken's decision to nominate Ron could be clearer. Is he genuinely supportive, or is there an ulterior motive? This ambiguity could be explored further to add complexity to Ken's character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or doubt from the members before they accept Ken's nomination of Ron, which could heighten the tension and make the eventual acceptance more impactful.
  • Incorporate more visual descriptions of the setting and characters' actions to create a stronger atmosphere. For example, describe the way the members handle their weapons or the expressions on their faces during the nomination.
  • Introduce a moment where Chuck's internal conflict is visually represented, perhaps through his body language or facial expressions, to emphasize the weight of his decision and the stakes involved.
  • Explore the motivations behind Ken's nomination of Ron more explicitly. This could be done through a brief exchange that hints at Ken's true intentions, adding layers to his character.
  • Consider using a more varied tone in the dialogue to reflect the seriousness of the situation while still allowing for moments of dark humor. This could help maintain the audience's engagement without undermining the gravity of the Klan's actions.



Scene 41 -  Undercover Laughter
103 INT. CSPD INTELLIGENCE UNIT - RON'S DESK - DAY 103

Ron is on the Undercover Phone Line. Sgt. Trapp sits behind
him. Ron has his Receiver out so that Trapp can listen in.

RON STALLWORTH
I'm anxious to meet you and it will
be something I share with my Family
for Generations to come.

INTERCUT RON AND SGT. TRAPP WITH DAVID DUKE AT HIS DESK:

DAVID DUKE
I'm eager to meet you too, Ron.

Ron and Sgt. Trapp make eye contact. Sgt. Trapp nods, a laugh
threatening to spring out of his Face.

RON STALLWORTH
Say, Mr. Duke... I just have to ask.
Aren't you ever concerned about some
Smart-Aleck Negro calling you and
pretending to be White?

Sgt. Trapp covers his Mouth.

DAVID DUKE
No, I can always tell when I'm
talking to a Negro.

RON STALLWORTH
How so?


DAVID DUKE
Take you, for example. I can tell you
are a pure Aryan White Man by the way
you pronounce certain words.

Sgt. Trapp is doubled over now.

RON STALLWORTH
Any examples?

DAVID DUKE
Take the word "are". A pure Aryan
like you or I would say it
correctly... like "are". Negroes
pronounce it "are-uh".

RON STALLWORTH
You are so White... Right. I want to
thank you for this Lesson because if
you had not brought it to my
attention, I would never have noticed
the difference between how We talk
and how Negroes talk.

Sgt. Trapp is laughing so hard he is shaking violently. He
shakes his head as if to implore Ron to stop.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
From now on I'm going to pay close
attention to my Telephone
conversations so I can make sure I'm
not talking to one of dem' Sneaky
Coloreds.

Ron cups The Receiver, looks at Sgt. Trapp, whispers.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
You okay?

Sgt. Trapp gets up and bumbles away. Ron speaks into The
Phone:

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
I would love to continue this
conversation when you are in Colorado
Springs. Beautiful here, Sir. God's
Country.

DAVID DUKE
That's what I've heard, Ron. You have
a nice day.

RON STALLWORTH
You too.


Ron hangs up, laughing. He calls to Sgt. Trapp:

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
It's over!!! You can come back!!!

Just then-- The Undercover Phone rings. Ron hesitates. It's
strange timing. He picks up.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
Hello?

BUTCH (O.S.)
It's Butch.

Ron quickly cups The Receiver.

BUTCH (O.S.)(CONT'D)
Catch you at a bad time?

RON STALLWORTH
Not at all. Just... finishing a Meal.

BUTCH (O.S.)
Meeting. My House. Tonight. Don't
tell Mealy Mouth Ken.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Biography"]

Summary In this comedic scene, Ron Stallworth engages in an undercover phone call with David Duke, exposing the absurdity of Duke's racist beliefs through humor and sarcasm. Sgt. Trapp listens in, struggling to contain his laughter at Ron's clever mockery of Duke's prejudices. The conversation highlights the conflict between Ron's undercover operation and Duke's ignorance, ending with a call from Butch that shifts the focus to a new development.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Effective character dynamics
  • Exploration of themes
Weaknesses
  • Lack of physical action
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor and tension through the dialogue between Ron and David Duke, providing insight into the characters' dynamics and the underlying themes of racism. The execution is well-done, keeping the audience engaged and entertained.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using a phone conversation to highlight the absurdity of racism is innovative and thought-provoking. The scene effectively explores the themes of race and identity through clever dialogue and character interactions.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Ron engages in a conversation with David Duke, revealing insights into the characters' motivations and beliefs. The scene adds depth to the overall narrative by exploring the dynamics between the protagonist and antagonist.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring racism and undercover operations, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters of Ron Stallworth and David Duke are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their contrasting personalities and beliefs. The dialogue reveals layers to their characters and adds complexity to their interactions.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interaction between Ron and David Duke reveals subtle shifts in their perspectives and beliefs. The scene sets the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his cover and gather information from David Duke without revealing his true identity. This reflects his deeper need to succeed in his undercover operation and his fear of being exposed.

External Goal: 7

Ron's external goal is to gather information from David Duke and set up a meeting at Butch's house. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in maintaining his cover and furthering the investigation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily verbal and ideological, as Ron and David Duke engage in a battle of wits and beliefs. The tension arises from their contrasting perspectives on race and identity, adding depth to their interactions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ron facing challenges in maintaining his cover and navigating racist beliefs.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderately high in the scene, as Ron engages in a risky conversation with David Duke, a prominent figure in the KKK. The outcome of their interaction could have significant implications for Ron's undercover operation and personal safety.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between Ron and David Duke, setting up future confrontations and developments. The conversation reveals key insights into the characters' motivations and beliefs, advancing the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected timing of the phone call from Butch and the tension it adds to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Ron's values of equality and justice and David Duke's racist beliefs. This challenges Ron's worldview and forces him to navigate a morally complex situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions from the audience, including amusement, tension, and contemplation. The clever dialogue and character dynamics create an emotional impact that resonates with the themes of the story.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and engaging, capturing the essence of the characters and the themes of the story. The banter between Ron and David Duke adds depth to their relationship and highlights the underlying tensions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the witty dialogue, tension between characters, and the high stakes of the undercover operation.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension through the phone conversation and comedic moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and progression of the investigation plot.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and irony of Ron's undercover operation, showcasing his clever manipulation of Duke's racist beliefs. The humor in Ron's responses serves to highlight the absurdity of Duke's views, making the dialogue engaging and impactful.
  • The dynamic between Ron and Sgt. Trapp adds a layer of comedic relief, as Trapp's reactions to Ron's conversation with Duke enhance the scene's humor. However, the physical comedy could be more visually emphasized to ensure that the audience fully appreciates Trapp's struggle to contain his laughter.
  • While the dialogue is sharp and witty, there are moments where it could be tightened for greater impact. For instance, some of Ron's responses could be more succinct to maintain the scene's pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • The transition from the conversation with Duke to the call from Butch feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene, allowing the audience to digest the humor before moving on to the next plot point.
  • The use of the phone as a narrative device is effective, but the scene could benefit from more visual cues or reactions from Ron as he listens to Duke. This would help to convey his internal thoughts and feelings more vividly, adding depth to his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Ron reflects on the absurdity of the conversation after hanging up with Duke, perhaps through a facial expression or a quick aside to Trapp, to deepen the comedic effect.
  • Enhance Trapp's physical comedy by incorporating more specific actions, such as him trying to stifle laughter or covering his face, to visually convey his struggle during the call.
  • Tighten Ron's dialogue by removing any redundant phrases or words that do not add to the humor or character development, ensuring that each line is impactful.
  • Create a more seamless transition between the end of the conversation with Duke and the call from Butch, perhaps by having Ron express a thought about the conversation before the phone rings, maintaining the scene's momentum.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements, such as Ron's body language or facial expressions, to convey his reactions to Duke's comments, allowing the audience to connect more with his character's internal conflict.



Scene 42 -  Into the Storm Shelter
104 EXT. BACKYARD - BUTCH'S HOUSE - NIGHT 104

Chuck looks down at a Steel Door built into The Ground, its
latch left open. He looks around. Paranoid.

105 INT. STORM SHELTER - SHORTLY AFTER 105

Chuck enters The Short Stairwell, steps to The Cement Floor.

BUTCH (O.S.)
Welcome to The Promised Land.

The Room is Tight. Military Outfits hang from The Wall,
surrounding The Group of Klansmen, who sit on Milk Crates. In
the corner, a Sniper Rifle rests on a swivel near Boxes of
Canned Goods and Stacked Cots.

Chuck finds an empty Crate, Squats.

Butch stands underneath a single hanging Light-Bulb.

BUTCH (CONT'D)
In about a week's time, we will be
welcoming Mr. Duke to our City. Now,
there's a lot of Folks who aren't too
happy about that. But we are going to
March and show these Bastards we
don't talk Revolution, we Deliver.

BUTCH (CONT'D)
We're going to put an End to The War
against The White Race.

Butch lets that hang in The Air for a moment.

BUTCH (CONT'D)
Who's packing tonight?

One by one, Brothers brandish Weapons. Except Chuck.

BUTCH (CONT'D)
Where's your Piece, Ron?

CHUCK
I don't carry it All The Time.

The Chapter Members laugh teasingly.

BUTCH
I got ya covered.

Butch reaches behind his back, pulls out a Smith & Wesson .45
caliber and hands it to Chuck.

BUTCH (CONT'D)
We're gonna need your Good Shot come
next Sunday.

CHUCK
What's gonna happen next Sunday?

A beat. Butch regards the rest of the Men with gravity.

BUTCH
The War is gonna come to us.

CHUCK
What?

Butch grins.

BUTCH
Just make sure that when you're at
The Steakhouse, you've got your new
friend with Ya.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Chuck stumbles upon a hidden storm shelter at Butch's house, where he finds a gathering of Klansmen preparing for a march. Butch, the confident leader, rallies the group with a militant speech about defending their beliefs, while Chuck, anxious and unarmed, feels out of place. Butch hands him a Smith & Wesson .45, marking Chuck's reluctant acceptance into the group as they brace for an impending conflict. The tense atmosphere is heightened by the dim lighting and the presence of weapons, culminating in Butch's ominous reminder for Chuck to keep his weapon close.
Strengths
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Effective dialogue
  • Foreshadowing of major event
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a major plot development with Butch's cryptic announcement, creating anticipation for the upcoming event. The dialogue and interactions between characters add depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the unveiling of a significant event within the Klan group, setting the stage for a major plot development. The secretive and foreboding nature of the meeting adds depth to the storyline.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene with Butch's announcement, foreshadowing a major conflict to come. The scene adds layers to the overall narrative and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of racism, violence, and moral ambiguity within a tense and suspenseful setting. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with Butch's ominous leadership and Chuck's internal conflict adding depth to the interactions. The dynamics between the characters drive the tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in Chuck's internal conflict and Butch's leadership, the major character changes are yet to come in future scenes. This scene sets the stage for character development.

Internal Goal: 8

Chuck's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the dangerous situation he finds himself in while maintaining his own moral compass and values. He is conflicted about the violent actions being planned by the Klansmen and his own involvement in them.

External Goal: 7

Chuck's external goal is to understand the plans being made by the Klansmen and to navigate the dangerous situation he finds himself in without compromising his own beliefs.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions running high within the Klan group and the anticipation of a significant event adding to the suspense. The power dynamics and internal struggles drive the conflict forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and moral values creating tension and conflict between the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the revelation of a significant event that will impact the characters' lives and relationships. The tension and conflict raise the stakes for all involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major plot development and raising the stakes for the characters. The impending event sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the violent, racist ideology of the Klansmen and Chuck's own moral values and beliefs in equality and justice. This challenges Chuck's worldview and forces him to confront his own complicity in the group's actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to foreboding, as the characters navigate the dangerous world of the Klan. The stakes are raised, adding emotional weight to the unfolding events.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is tense and impactful, revealing the power dynamics within the Klan group and setting up future conflicts. The exchanges between characters enhance the atmosphere and build suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and the conflict between the characters. The dialogue and actions keep the audience on edge and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' dilemmas and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere, utilizing the setting of a storm shelter to evoke feelings of paranoia and secrecy. The imagery of military outfits and weapons reinforces the violent intentions of the Klan members, creating a palpable sense of danger.
  • Butch's dialogue is impactful, showcasing his leadership and the group's commitment to their cause. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while Butch's intentions are clear, adding layers to his motivations could enhance the complexity of his character.
  • Chuck's reluctance to carry a weapon adds depth to his character, highlighting his internal conflict. However, the transition from his initial hesitation to accepting the gun feels abrupt. More internal dialogue or a moment of reflection could help the audience understand his thought process.
  • The camaraderie among the Klansmen is portrayed through their teasing of Chuck, which adds a layer of realism to the scene. However, the humor could be balanced with a more serious undertone to maintain the tension, as the stakes are high with the impending violence.
  • The phrase 'The War is gonna come to us' is a strong line, but it could be expanded upon. Providing more context or a specific example of what this 'war' entails would heighten the stakes and clarify the threat they perceive.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Chuck reflects on the implications of accepting the weapon, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a flashback that highlights his discomfort with violence.
  • Enhance Butch's character by incorporating a moment where he reveals a personal stake in the upcoming march, which could make his motivations more relatable and complex.
  • Introduce a visual element that symbolizes the tension, such as a close-up of Chuck's face as he receives the gun, capturing his conflicting emotions in that moment.
  • Incorporate a brief exchange between the Klansmen that hints at their plans for the march, providing the audience with a clearer understanding of the stakes involved and the potential for violence.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic moment, such as a sudden noise from outside that interrupts their meeting, heightening the sense of paranoia and foreshadowing the chaos to come.



Scene 43 -  Tensions Rise: A Dangerous Mission
106 EXT. BASKETBALL COURT - DAY 106

Ron's unmarked car and Chuck's truck parked on the cement
Court.

CHUCK
Duke will be at the Steakhouse for
the Grand Initiation.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
That's when Ron Stallworth takes his
vows to the Klan.

RON STALLWORTH
Butch is talking about a March?

CHUCK
Yeah. If they do the Streets will be
filled with Protesters.

RON STALLWORTH
Black Panthers, Progressive Labor
Party. Everywhere Duke goes they'll
have a presence.

CHUCK
Butch wants a fight of some kind.

RON STALLWORTH
I don't think any of the Anti-Klan
Protesters would go that far.

CHUCK
I don't know, what's Patrice saying?

RON STALLWORTH
What, I'm like suppose to be spying
on her.

CHUCK
It's what we do.

RON STALLWORTH
She's not under investigation!

Chuck is frustrated, goes quiet, then tries to understand.

CHUCK
You worried about her?

RON STALLWORTH
How can I not be?

Chuck lifts up his shirt revealing Butch's Handgun.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
Butch gave it to me. We get them on
Weapons Charges. Prevent them from
trying anything. It's the best way to
protect her.

RON STALLWORTH
...Then what? They're off on a
misdemeanor, Free to plan their next
move?


Chuck sighs, frustrated.

CHUCK
It's gotta be the March. They're
planning something when they have all
that opposition in one place.

RON STALLWORTH
We're in this deep and we still can't
figure these dumb crackers out.

107 OMITTED 107
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In this tense scene, Ron Stallworth and Chuck discuss the upcoming Grand Initiation of Duke at the Steakhouse, where Ron plans to infiltrate the Klan. They express concerns about a potential protest march that could lead to violence, particularly regarding Ron's love interest, Patrice. Chuck reveals he has a handgun, suggesting they could use it to arrest Klan members to protect her. Ron is conflicted about spying on Patrice and worries for her safety, highlighting the emotional stakes of their mission. The scene captures their unresolved conflict between Ron's personal concerns and Chuck's pragmatic approach.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Foreshadowing
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel repetitive
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up potential conflicts, showcasing the internal struggles of the characters and hinting at future confrontations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of balancing personal safety with investigative responsibilities is compelling and adds depth to the characters' dilemmas.

Plot: 8.5

The plot thickens as the characters navigate the complexities of the Klan's plans and the potential risks involved, setting up a suspenseful narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on undercover operations and racial tensions, with authentic dialogue and character interactions that feel true to the setting and themes.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' conflicting priorities and evolving relationships add layers to the scene, hinting at future conflicts and character development.

Character Changes: 7

The characters' internal conflicts and evolving priorities hint at potential changes in their motivations and relationships, setting the stage for character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect Patrice and navigate the complexities of his undercover operation without compromising his beliefs or relationships.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to prevent any violent incidents during the Klan initiation and protests, while also gathering intelligence on their plans.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between personal safety and investigative duties creates tension and sets the stage for potential confrontations, raising the stakes for the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, moral dilemmas, and potential for violence creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes involved in balancing personal safety with investigative duties add urgency and tension to the scene, setting up potential risks and confrontations.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts and escalating tensions, setting up future plot developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting alliances, moral dilemmas, and potential for violence, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's moral dilemma of spying on Patrice for the greater good of preventing violence and protecting her.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of concern and anticipation, drawing the audience into the characters' dilemmas and setting up emotional payoffs in future developments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' concerns and motivations, setting up future confrontations and revealing their internal struggles.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and reveals information at a steady pace, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, making it easy to follow and engaging for readers.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and reveals character motivations, fitting the genre's expectations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by highlighting the impending conflict between the Klan and the protesters, but it could benefit from deeper character exploration. Ron's internal conflict regarding his feelings for Patrice and his duty as an undercover officer is touched upon but not fully fleshed out. This could be an opportunity to showcase Ron's emotional stakes more vividly, perhaps through a flashback or a more intense dialogue exchange that reveals his fears and motivations.
  • The dialogue feels somewhat expository, particularly in the way it conveys information about the upcoming march and the Klan's plans. While it's important for the audience to understand the stakes, the conversation could be more dynamic. Instead of simply stating facts, the characters could express their emotions and concerns more vividly, which would enhance the dramatic tension.
  • Chuck's frustration is evident, but the scene could benefit from more physicality or visual cues to convey his emotions. For instance, showing Chuck's body language or facial expressions could add depth to his character and make the audience feel his frustration more acutely.
  • The use of the term 'dumb crackers' feels a bit jarring and could be perceived as a stereotype. While it reflects Ron's frustration, it might be more impactful to find a different way for him to express his disdain for the Klan's ignorance without resorting to derogatory language that could detract from the overall tone of the scene.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat anticlimactic note, with Ron's line about not being able to figure the Klan out. This could be an opportunity to end with a stronger emotional beat or a more compelling line that encapsulates the stakes and Ron's internal struggle, leaving the audience with a sense of urgency.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Ron reflects on his relationship with Patrice, perhaps through a brief flashback or a more poignant dialogue that reveals his emotional turmoil about balancing his undercover work with his feelings for her.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more subtext and emotional resonance. Instead of straightforward exposition, allow the characters to express their fears and motivations in a way that feels more organic and less scripted.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or reactions from Chuck to visually convey his frustration and concern. This could include gestures, pacing, or even a moment of silence that emphasizes the weight of their conversation.
  • Reevaluate the use of derogatory language and consider alternatives that convey Ron's frustration without reinforcing negative stereotypes. This could help maintain the scene's tone while also being more respectful to the characters and audience.
  • End the scene with a more impactful line or moment that encapsulates the tension and stakes involved. This could be a powerful statement from Ron that reflects his internal conflict or a visual cue that heightens the sense of urgency as they prepare for the upcoming confrontation.



Scene 44 -  A Dangerous Encounter
108 INT. CSPD INTELLIGENCE UNIT - DAY 108

Ron arrives. Sits at his Desk. A deep sigh. But then...

He sees something. On his Desk. A Simple Note:

ACACIA PARK. 12 PM. BRING CASE BOOK. AGENT Y - FBI.

109 EXT. ACACIA PARK - DAY 109

Bright Sunlight. Lunch Hour. Ron sits on a Park Bench.

MAN (O.S.)
Mr. Stallworth.

Ron turns. A WHITE MALE (40's) in a Track Suit is standing
behind him.

RON STALLWORTH
Agent... Y?

AGENT Y
That's right. Figured I'd get some
Running in. May I sit?

RON
A Free Country?

110 EXT. ACACIA PARK - DAY 110

ANGLE - BENCH - DAY

Ron and Agent Y sit on The Park Bench side by side.

Agent Y flips through Ron's Investigation Case Book.

AGENT Y
Names of Chapter Members?

Ron reaches over and flips to a Page with a List of Names.


Agent Y runs his Finger down The List and suddenly stops. He
then continues going down The List, then stops again. He
pulls out a Small Ledger and makes a note.

RON STALLWORTH
What is this about?

Agent Y turns back.

AGENT Y
Two Names on your list work at NORAD.

RON STALLWORTH
The Two Mystery men. Steve and Jerry?

AGENT Y
Their real names are Paul William
Tomlinson and Scott Edward Peters.
Two Clowns with Top Security
clearances. These Klansmen are in
charge of monitoring our Safety.

Agent Y lets this sink in. Even Ron is surprised by this.

AGENT Y (CONT'D)
You've done a Service to your... Free
Country.

Agent Y slips Ron a folder full of Papers.

AGENT Y (CONT'D)
We've been monitoring your
Investigation. Impressive.

Ron flips through the Papers. Various documents about The
History of The Colorado Klan.

RON STALLWORTH
Anything else you can give me?

Agent Y takes a thoughtful pause.

AGENT Y
Last night, Fort Carson reported
several C4 Explosives missing from
their Armory. No suspects.

RON STALLWORTH
KKK...?

Agent Y doesn't say anything. Not confirming, not denying.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
We thought they might pull something.
But not like this?


AGENT Y
You won't see this on the News. For
obvious reasons but I thought it
might be of interest to you.

Agent Y rises to his feet. Ron rises as well.

RON STALLWORTH
You need to give me something else.
If there's gonna be an Attack, I need
to know when.

AGENT Y
You're the one with the Impressive
Investigation.

RON STALLWORTH
But... can't you, The FBI pitch in?

AGENT Y
Who said I was FBI?

RON STALLWORTH
Not I.

AGENT Y
Because we never had this
conversation.

Agent Y takes off toward a Path and starts Jogging.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Ron Stallworth meets Agent Y from the FBI at Acacia Park, where they discuss the KKK's infiltration at NORAD and the alarming issue of missing C4 explosives from Fort Carson. Agent Y provides Ron with critical information but remains cryptic about the larger threat, leaving Ron with more questions as Agent Y jogs away, intensifying the sense of urgency.
Strengths
  • Reveals a crucial plot twist
  • Builds tension and suspense effectively
  • Advances the story significantly
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may require further development or explanation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, introducing a crucial plot development and maintaining a tense atmosphere. The interaction between Ron and Agent Y is engaging and propels the story forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of uncovering Klansmen with high-level security clearances adds a new layer of danger and intrigue to the investigation. It raises the stakes and deepens the complexity of the story.

Plot: 9

The plot is significantly advanced in this scene with the revelation of the Klansmen's identities and the potential threat of explosives. It sets up future conflicts and escalates the danger for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the intelligence and investigation genre by blending elements of suspense and political intrigue. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Ron and Agent Y are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their collaboration and the growing risks they face. The interaction between them adds depth to their motivations and challenges.

Character Changes: 7

Ron experiences a shift in his understanding of the investigation and the dangers involved, leading to increased vigilance and determination. The revelation of the Klansmen's identities prompts a reevaluation of the risks.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to uncover the truth and prevent a potential attack. This reflects his desire to protect his country and uphold justice.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information about the Klan members and prevent a potential attack. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in his investigation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as Ron grapples with the new information and the escalating danger of the investigation. The revelation of the missing explosives raises the stakes significantly.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Agent Y presenting obstacles and challenges for the protagonist to overcome. The audience is kept in suspense about the true intentions of the characters.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are raised to a critical level in this scene, with the discovery of Klansmen with top security clearances and the potential threat of explosives. The characters face increased danger and uncertainty.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a major plot twist and setting up future conflicts. The revelation of the missing explosives adds urgency and complexity to the investigation.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected revelations about the Klan members and the missing explosives. The audience is left wondering about the potential consequences of these discoveries.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the tension between upholding justice and maintaining secrecy in intelligence operations. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the balance between transparency and security.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits a strong emotional response from the audience, as the characters face heightened risks and uncertainties. The tension and suspense create a sense of unease and anticipation.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying crucial information while maintaining tension and suspense. The exchanges between Ron and Agent Y are engaging and reveal key aspects of the investigation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, suspenseful dialogue, and unexpected twists. The interaction between characters keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and intrigue by introducing Agent Y and the potential threat posed by the KKK. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; it feels somewhat expository and lacks the natural flow of conversation. The characters' motivations and emotions could be more vividly expressed to enhance the stakes.
  • The use of a park as a meeting place is visually interesting, but it could be further utilized to contrast the serious nature of their conversation with the mundane setting. This juxtaposition could heighten the tension and emphasize the gravity of the situation.
  • Agent Y's character comes off as somewhat vague and enigmatic, which can work to create suspense, but it may also leave the audience wanting more depth. Providing a hint of his background or motivations could make him a more compelling character.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven; while the initial setup is engaging, the latter part feels rushed. The transition from discussing the KKK's infiltration of NORAD to the mention of missing explosives could be smoother, allowing for more dramatic weight.
  • The dialogue between Ron and Agent Y could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Ron's insistence on needing more information could reveal his desperation and commitment to the cause, while Agent Y's evasiveness could hint at larger systemic issues.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional stakes to Ron's character in this scene. Perhaps he could express personal fears about the implications of the KKK's actions, making the conversation feel more urgent.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more sensory details about the park setting. Describe the sounds, sights, and atmosphere to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or conflict between Ron and Agent Y that goes beyond the information exchange. This could be a disagreement on how to handle the situation or a moment of distrust that adds complexity to their relationship.
  • Revise the dialogue to include more natural speech patterns and interruptions, which can make the conversation feel more authentic and engaging. This could also help to build tension as they navigate the serious subject matter.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional hook or cliffhanger. Perhaps Ron could express a personal stake in the investigation, leaving the audience eager to see how he will respond to the looming threat.



Scene 45 -  Divided Loyalties
111 EXT. FREEDOM HOUSE - DAY 111

Ron and Patrice are going at it as across the street The
Freedom House Protestors assemble to March on the KKK.

RON STALLWORTH
You can hate me, think I'm a Damn
Fool, whatever. Just promise me you
won't go to The Protest.

PATRICE
I'm going. The Black Student Union is
going too.

RON STALLWORTH
I can't say specifics but I know the
Klan is planning an Attack. Today.

PATRICE
Then we have to tell The People.

RON STALLWORTH
No. No one can know while it's an
Active Investigation...


PATRICE
Active Investigation?

RON STALLWORTH
...Confidentially... The KKK has
Explosives.

PATRICE
How do you know all this? You a Cop?

RON STALLWORTH
I'm not a Cop.

Silence.

PATRICE
What are you, then?...

Ron takes a moment. Then...

RON STALLWORTH
...I'm a Undercover Detective. I've
been investigating The KKK.

PATRICE
You lied to me.

RON STALLWORTH
I know, but... it's beside the point.
We think there's a chance they're
gonna, set a Bomb off at Today's
Event.

PATRICE
Then I need to tell The Protesters.

RON STALLWORTH
The Klan can't know that we know. We
think they wanna start something,
like a Race War. Remember Kwame? We
both stood there and listened while
he predicted this Shit.

PATRICE
I take my Duties as President Of The
Black Student Union seriously.

RON STALLWORTH
All the good it does. You could sit
in the middle of Nevada Avenue and
set yourself on Fire and The KKK will
still be here.

PATRICE
I'd be doing something. Unlike you.


RON STALLWORTH
Unlike? Don't think because I'm not
wearing a Black Beret, Black Leather
Jacket and Black Ray Bans screaming
"KILL WHITEY" doesn't mean I don't
care about my People.

Patrice takes this in.

PATRICE
That night we saw Kwame... were you
Undercover then too?

RON STALLWORTH
Patrice...

PATRICE
...Answer the question. Were you
Undercover The Night we met?

Ron is silent.

PATRICE
Are you for The Liberation of Black
People?

RON STALLWORTH
I'm a Undercover Detective for The
Colorado Springs Police Department.
It's my J-O-B.

PATRICE
House Niggers said they had Jobs too.
You disgust me.

112 OMITTED 112
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Outside the Freedom House, Ron and Patrice engage in a heated argument as protestors prepare to march against the KKK. Ron reveals he is an undercover detective with knowledge of a planned Klan attack, urging Patrice to stay away for her safety. However, Patrice is determined to inform the protestors, leading to a confrontation where she expresses her anger and betrayal over Ron's deception. The scene captures the tension between their differing views on action and responsibility, ending with their relationship strained and unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Revealing pivotal information
Weaknesses
  • Potential for heavy exposition
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is intense and emotionally charged, with strong dialogue and character dynamics. It effectively reveals crucial information and sets the stage for heightened conflict and stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing Ron's undercover identity to Patrice adds depth to the story, exploring themes of race, activism, and personal integrity. It challenges the characters' beliefs and motivations.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene as Ron's secret is exposed, leading to a shift in the dynamics between characters and setting up future conflicts. It adds layers to the narrative and raises the stakes.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh perspective on themes of race, activism, and law enforcement. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and resonate with contemporary social issues.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic and impactful. Ron and Patrice's conflicting perspectives create a compelling dynamic that drives the scene forward.

Character Changes: 8

Both Ron and Patrice undergo a shift in their perspectives and understanding of each other, leading to personal growth and introspection. The revelation of Ron's identity forces them to confront their biases and assumptions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to balance his duty as an undercover detective with his personal beliefs and values. He struggles with the ethical implications of his job and the impact it has on his relationships.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to prevent a potential bombing at the protest and maintain the secrecy of his investigation. He must navigate the delicate situation without compromising his cover.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, driven by the revelation of Ron's undercover status and the clash of ideologies between him and Patrice. It creates tension and emotional turmoil, raising the stakes for both characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and personal stakes driving the conflict. The uncertainty of the characters' choices adds to the tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Ron's undercover status is exposed, putting his safety and the investigation at risk. The potential threat of a Klan attack adds urgency and danger to the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information and setting up future conflicts and developments. It deepens the narrative and adds layers to the characters' arcs.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The audience is kept on edge as they navigate the uncertain outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's identity and loyalty. Patrice challenges his commitment to the liberation of black people and questions his integrity as a person of color working within law enforcement.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a significant emotional impact, evoking strong reactions from the characters and the audience. It delves into sensitive topics and challenges the characters' beliefs, leading to a powerful exchange.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, emotional, and thought-provoking, revealing the characters' inner thoughts and beliefs. It sparks intense debate and showcases the complexity of their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional intensity, and moral complexity. The conflict between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions. The rhythm enhances the emotional impact and narrative progression.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character interactions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-paced and engaging structure that builds tension and conflict effectively. The dialogue drives the narrative forward and reveals key character motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension between Ron and Patrice, showcasing their conflicting ideologies and the stakes involved in the protest against the KKK. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when Ron explains the Klan's plans. This could be streamlined to maintain the emotional intensity without sacrificing clarity.
  • Patrice's character is strong and passionate, but her motivations could be more clearly defined. While her commitment to the protest is evident, it would enhance the scene if we understood more about her personal stakes in the situation. This would create a deeper emotional connection for the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from Ron's revelation about being an undercover detective to Patrice's reaction. Allowing for a moment of silence or a more visceral reaction from Patrice could heighten the emotional impact of the revelation.
  • The use of the term 'House Niggers' is powerful and provocative, but it may come off as overly harsh without sufficient buildup to Patrice's anger. It could be beneficial to explore her emotional journey leading to this moment, making her reaction feel more justified and impactful.
  • The scene's setting outside Freedom House is visually compelling, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details. Describing the atmosphere of the protest, the sounds of the crowd, or the visual tension could immerse the audience further into the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to reduce exposition and allow the characters to express their emotions more organically. For example, instead of Ron explaining the Klan's plans, he could express his fear for Patrice's safety more directly.
  • Deepen Patrice's character by providing a brief backstory or motivation for her commitment to the protest. This could be done through a line or two that hints at her personal experiences with racism or her family's history.
  • Add a moment of silence or a physical reaction from Patrice after Ron reveals he is an undercover detective. This could be a pause where she processes the information, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the revelation.
  • Explore Patrice's anger more gradually. Perhaps she could express disappointment or betrayal before resorting to the harsh language, giving her character more depth and making her reaction feel more earned.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the setting. Describe the sounds of the protest, the energy of the crowd, or the visual elements around them to create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 46 -  Tensions Rise: The Assignment
112A INT. PHONE BOOTH - DAY 112A

Butch is on the phone.

BUTCH
It's off.

113 INT. INTELLIGENCE UNIT - RON'S DESK - DAY 113

INTERCUT WITH BUTCH. Ron on the phone with Butch.

RON STALLWORTH
The March?

BUTCH
Yeah.


RON STALLWORTH
What's going on?

BUTCH
You'll know soon enough.

CLICK! Ron hangs up the phone, dreading this. He turns to
Sgt. Trapp and Chuck who have been standing there, listening.

RON STALLWORTH
Butch just said the March was
cancelled.

CHUCK
What! Why?

All Ron can do is shake his head. He paces, concerned.

SGT. TRAPP
Could it be all the Death Threats?

RON STALLWORTH
No, they're use to that.

CHUCK
Convenient how the March got called
off and Patrice is safe now.

Ron stops pacing, Chuck looks at him, sarcastic.

RON STALLWORTH
What? I got the Klan to call off the
March to protect her.

CHUCK
Yeah, and now we don't know where or
who is the target!

RON STALLWORTH
This is all Butch! He called off the
March because he's going to War. He
could attack anybody at anytime!

Chief Taggert walks in unexpectedly with Sgt. Morris.
Everyone snaps up, respectful.

CHIEF TAGGERT (CONT'D)
I have a Special Assignment for Ron.

SGT. TRAPP
Ron already has an assignment.

RON STALLWORTH
What's more important than preventing
an Attack?


Chief Taggert hands Ron "The David Duke Death Threat Fax."

CHIEF TAGGERT
Because of the very credible threats
to David Duke's Life here in Colorado
Springs, I would like that he be
given a Security Detail while he
visits our City.

RON STALLWORTH
What's this have to do with me?

CHIEF TAGGERT
You're gonna be David Duke's
Bodyguard.

A Shockwave.

RON STALLWORTH
I don't think that's a wise
decision...

SGT. MORRIS
...Duke needs protection. There's no
one else available.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Ron, it's Nut Cracking Time. Put your
Personal Politics aside.

RON STALLWORTH
It's not about that and you know it.
David Duke and I have been speaking
over the phone, several times. If he
recognizes my voice... or if any of
the Klansmen do, it could compromise
The Entire Investigation... A
Clusterfuck.

CHIEF TAGGERT curls a smile.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Correct me if I'm wrong but didn't
you boast that you were fluent in
both English and Jive?

Ron is quiet.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Do you remember that?

SGT. MORRIS
Answer The Chief!

Ron goes at Sgt. Morris.


RON STALLWORTH
Man, who you think you're talking to.
You've been trying to sabotage me
since Day One.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Gentlemen.

SGT. MORRIS
Why you getting so worked up, Boy?

RON STALLWORTH
Who you callin' Boy? I got your Boy.
Hangin' loose with the juice.

Chief raises his eyebrows from the comment. A pissed Sgt.
Morris turns to Chief Taggert for support but he says
nothing. Sgt. Morris, then Exits. Chief says to Ron.

CHIEF TAGGERT (CONT'D)
If you let him get to you that easy,
you ain't got a Shot with David Duke.

Ron takes his SMALL NOTE PAD out and writes something down
again. Chief Taggert looks at him confused.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense meeting at the police intelligence unit, Butch informs Ron that the March has been canceled, raising alarms about potential threats. Ron is assigned to protect David Duke amidst credible death threats, a task he resents as it could jeopardize his investigation. Conflicts escalate with Sgt. Morris, who antagonizes Ron, while Chief Taggert insists on professionalism. The scene captures the emotional strain of racial tension and duty, ending with Taggert urging Ron to maintain composure in his new role.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character development
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of subtlety in some confrontations
  • Slightly predictable character dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written with strong dialogue, tension-filled interactions, and a significant plot development. The conflict between characters adds depth, and the stakes are raised effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Ron being assigned to protect David Duke adds a layer of complexity to the story, challenging the protagonist's beliefs and morals. It sets the stage for intense conflicts and moral dilemmas.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly in this scene with the introduction of a new assignment that raises the stakes for Ron. It sets up future conflicts and developments, driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of undercover investigation and racial tension, with unique character interactions and plot developments. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Ron, Chuck, and Chief Taggert, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting motivations and personalities. The dialogue reveals their depth and adds layers to their relationships.

Character Changes: 8

Ron undergoes a significant internal change in this scene as he is forced to confront his conflicting loyalties and make tough decisions. The assignment alters his perspective and challenges his beliefs.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron Stallworth's internal goal is to protect his investigation and maintain his cover while being assigned as David Duke's bodyguard. This reflects his fear of compromising the investigation and his desire to succeed in his mission.

External Goal: 7

Ron Stallworth's external goal is to prevent an attack and ensure the safety of the city. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with the cancellation of the march and the potential threat posed by Butch.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving personal, professional, and moral dilemmas for the characters. The confrontations and tensions drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints, personal conflicts, and external threats challenging the protagonist. The audience is left uncertain of how Ron will navigate the obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene as Ron is tasked with protecting David Duke, a dangerous assignment that puts him in a morally challenging position. The potential consequences are significant.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing a new assignment that raises the stakes and sets up future conflicts. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected plot twists, character decisions, and escalating conflict. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between personal ethics and professional duty. Ron struggles with the decision to be David Duke's bodyguard, balancing his personal beliefs with the necessity of the assignment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, especially in Ron's internal struggle and the confrontations with other characters. The tension and stakes create a sense of urgency and suspense.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters. It drives the conflict and tension in the scene, making it engaging and thought-provoking.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense dialogue, and character dynamics. The conflict and tension keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments, character interactions, and plot revelations. The rhythm contributes to the scene's effectiveness and engagement.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear scene transitions, character interactions, and plot progression. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by revealing the cancellation of the March, which raises immediate concerns about the Klan's intentions. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic; characters often state their feelings rather than showing them through action or subtext. For example, Ron's pacing is a good visual cue for his anxiety, but the dialogue could incorporate more urgency or emotional weight to reflect the stakes involved.
  • The conflict between Ron and Sgt. Morris adds a layer of interpersonal tension, but it feels somewhat underdeveloped. Morris's antagonism towards Ron is clear, yet the scene could benefit from more context or backstory to deepen their rivalry. This would enhance the stakes of Ron's situation and make the audience more invested in the outcome.
  • The introduction of Chief Taggert's assignment for Ron as David Duke's bodyguard is a pivotal moment, but it could be more impactful. The transition from the discussion about the March to this new assignment feels abrupt. A more gradual build-up or a stronger emotional reaction from Ron could heighten the tension and emphasize the conflict between his duty and personal beliefs.
  • The dialogue contains some moments of humor, particularly with Taggert's comment about Ron's fluency in 'English and Jive.' While humor can lighten the mood, it may undermine the gravity of the situation. Balancing humor with the serious nature of the threats could create a more cohesive tone.
  • The scene ends with Ron writing in his notepad, which is a good visual cue for his thought process, but it lacks a strong emotional or narrative payoff. This moment could be enhanced by revealing what he writes or by showing how it relates to the larger conflict at hand.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue to convey the characters' emotions without explicitly stating them. This can create a more engaging and layered interaction.
  • Provide more context for the rivalry between Ron and Sgt. Morris to deepen the audience's understanding of their conflict and increase the stakes for Ron's character.
  • Enhance the transition to Chief Taggert's assignment by incorporating Ron's internal struggle or a more visceral reaction to the news, emphasizing the conflict between his professional duties and personal beliefs.
  • Reassess the use of humor in the scene to ensure it complements rather than detracts from the tension. Aim for a balance that maintains the seriousness of the threats while allowing for character moments.
  • Consider revealing what Ron writes in his notepad at the end of the scene to provide a stronger narrative connection and emotional resonance with the audience.



Scene 47 -  Explosive Preparations
INT. BUTCH’S HOUSE/GARAGE - NIGHT

A work light shines over them. WALKER, 40’s, a tattooed Ex-
Con and Demolitions Expert, instructs Butch, Duane and
Louise. They stand around a large work bench in the garage.
He carefully removes a large C4 Bomb from his gym bag.

WALKER
First, The Primary Target.

Walker speaks to Louise. He sets The Bomb on the work bench.

WALKER (CONT’D)
Butch says you’re placing it. So all
you have to do is set the bag on the
front porch, back porch, side wall,
doesn’t matter. It just has to be
against the building. You can place
it anywhere. There’s enough C4 here
to take the whole thing out.

BUTCH
Understand?

LOUISE
I understand.


WALKER
All you have to do is when you’re
ready to place it.

Walker puts his Finger on the Toggle Switch.

WALKER (CONT'D)
Flip this switch. That’s it.

BUTCH
Miss BSU Bitch is bringing in some
Old Coon to speak. The place should
be packed. So Walker nothing but
rumble?

WALKER
And Barbecue Niggers.

Duane grins, liking that. Walker carefully removes another
Smaller Bomb from the bag. He can hold it in one hand.

BUTCH
Plan B.

WALKER
For your Secondary target. It's small
enough to conceal in your purse.

Louise nods. Walker sets it on the bench speaking to Butch.

WALKER (CONT’D)
The Mailbox connected to the House?

BUTCH
Correct.

Walker speaks again to Louise.

WALKER
Again, when you’re ready, Flip The
oggle. Place this inside The Mail
Box. In case there’s a problem, I’ve
attached a magnet to the back.

Walker turns it over pointing it out.

WALKER (CONT’D)
If for some reason you can’t place
this in the Mail Box you can connect
it to anything metal. A good spot is
the rear wheel well of a Car near the
Gas Tank. That'll double the impact.

Walker then takes out a Remote Control Detonator placing his
Thumb over The Button.


WALKER (CONT’D)
Get a safe distance away and change
the Channel. Boom-Boom.

BUTCH
Can you handle it, Honey?

LOUISE
You can count on me.

He gives her a peck on the lips.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In Butch's garage at night, Walker, a skilled demolitions expert, instructs Butch, Duane, and Louise on the use of two bombs for their plan. He details the placement and activation of a large C4 bomb and a smaller bomb for a mailbox, emphasizing the importance of the toggle switch for detonation. Butch confirms the plan, while Louise expresses confidence in her role, leading to a brief affectionate moment with Butch. The scene is tense yet filled with camaraderie as they prepare for the dangerous task ahead.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Suspenseful plot development
  • Strong character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Potential for graphic violence
  • Negative portrayal of extremist ideologies

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is well-crafted, effectively building tension and suspense through the introduction of a dangerous plot. The dark and negative sentiments portrayed add depth to the narrative, making it engaging and impactful.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of introducing a bomb plot within the Klan group adds a layer of complexity to the storyline, highlighting the extreme ideologies and actions of the characters. It enhances the overall narrative by raising the stakes and creating a sense of imminent danger.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is crucial in advancing the narrative, introducing a significant development that raises the stakes for the characters involved. It sets the stage for further conflicts and challenges, driving the story forward in a compelling manner.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique situation of setting off bombs for criminal purposes, which adds a fresh and intense element to the story. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue enhances the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-defined, each playing a specific role in the unfolding plot. Their interactions and dialogue reveal their motivations and personalities, adding depth to the narrative and creating tension among the group.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the escalating conflict and dangerous plot set the stage for potential transformations in the characters' beliefs and actions in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove their competence and loyalty to the criminal group they are working with. This reflects their deeper need for acceptance and validation in this dangerous world.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully place the bombs at the designated locations and carry out the criminal operation as instructed. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in executing the plan.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the characters navigate their dangerous plot and face the consequences of their actions. The tension and suspense are heightened by the escalating conflict, driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the characters face challenges and obstacles in executing the criminal operation. The audience is kept in suspense about the outcome, adding to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 10

The scene is filled with high stakes, as the characters plan a dangerous act involving explosives that could have severe consequences. The escalating tension and imminent threat raise the stakes for the characters and the overall narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a crucial plot development that raises the stakes for the characters and sets the stage for further conflicts and challenges. It propels the narrative towards a climactic moment, driving the plot forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the criminal operation and the characters' reactions to the challenges they face. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the moral dilemma of carrying out a violent and destructive act for personal gain. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as they must reconcile their actions with their conscience.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from suspense and tension to fear and unease, as the characters plot a dangerous act. The high stakes and sinister intentions of the characters create an emotional impact on the audience, drawing them into the narrative.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, conveying the sinister intentions of the characters and building tension through their interactions. The exchanges between the characters reveal their beliefs and attitudes, adding layers to their personalities.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, suspenseful atmosphere, and intense character interactions. The audience is drawn into the criminal world and the characters' dangerous mission.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense as the characters prepare to carry out the criminal operation. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller genre, with clear progression of the criminal operation and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a tense atmosphere, showcasing the dangerous intentions of the characters involved. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety; the overtly racist language used by Walker and Butch feels excessive and may detract from the overall impact. Instead of relying solely on shock value, consider incorporating more nuanced dialogue that reveals their prejudices without being so on-the-nose.
  • The character of Walker is introduced as a knowledgeable expert, but his motivations and background are not explored. Providing a brief backstory or hinting at his past could add depth to his character and make the audience more invested in the stakes of the scene.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc. While the technical instructions for the bombs are detailed, the emotional weight of what they are planning to do is somewhat overshadowed. Adding moments of hesitation or conflict among the characters could enhance the tension and make the audience feel the gravity of their actions.
  • Louise's character is presented as complicit in the plan, but her motivations and feelings about the violence are not explored. Giving her a moment of doubt or a glimpse into her internal conflict could create a more complex character and heighten the stakes of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The technical explanations about the bombs could be interspersed with character reactions or interactions to maintain a sense of urgency and keep the audience engaged. As it stands, the scene reads more like a manual than a dramatic moment.
Suggestions
  • Consider softening the overtly racist dialogue to allow for more subtlety in character interactions. This can create a more realistic portrayal of their beliefs without relying solely on shock value.
  • Introduce brief backstory elements for Walker to provide context for his expertise and motivations, which can help the audience connect with the characters on a deeper level.
  • Incorporate emotional beats throughout the scene, such as moments of hesitation or conflict among the characters, to enhance the tension and highlight the seriousness of their actions.
  • Explore Louise's character further by adding internal conflict or doubt about the plan, which can create a more complex character and raise the stakes of the scene.
  • Adjust the pacing by interspersing technical explanations with character reactions or interactions to maintain urgency and keep the audience engaged in the unfolding drama.



Scene 48 -  Irony in Duty
114 EXT. ANTLERS HOTEL - DAY 114

Ron still in plain clothes parks his unmarked car in the lot
of The Luxurious Antlers Hotel on South Cascade Ave.

He walks toward the entrance, where the Six Bikers stand
around Duke's Sedan. The Bikers all look up simultaneously.

RON STALLWORTH
I'm Mr. Duke's Security Detail.

They look at each other, then back at Ron. They say nothing.

Just then Duke emerges from The Hotel, wearing a neatly
pressed Suit and Tie. He nods to the Bikers, then looks up at
the Plainclothes Black Detective in front of him.

Ron steps forward, extending a hand.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
Hello, Mr. Duke. I'm a Detective from
The Colorado Springs Police
Department and I will be acting as
your Bodyguard today.

Duke smiles and shakes Ron's hand.

DAVID DUKE
Detective, pleased to meet you.

RON STALLWORTH
As you may know, there have been
several credible Threats against your
Well-Being.

Ken and Duane walk outside The Hotel seeing Ron standing with
David Duke.

KEN
Da Heck's going on here?


DAVID DUKE
There are Threats on my Life. This
Detective has been assigned as my
Bodyguard.

Ken and Duane smile broadly.

RON STALLWORTH
Let me be clear, Mr. Duke: I do not
agree with your Philosophies. However
I am a Professional and I will do
everything within my means and beyond
to keep you safe.

Duke stands there a moment, processing all of this. Maybe
he's heard that voice somewhere before? Then...

DAVID DUKE
I appreciate your Professionalism.


115 EXT. COLORADO SPRINGS - CITY STREETS - DAY 115

Chuck's Car snakes through The Streets of Colorado Springs,
arriving at an Apartment Building.

116 INT. CHUCK'S CAR - DAY 116

Chuck picks up Radio. Intercut with Ron in his unmarked car.

RON STALLWORTH
You there?

CHUCK
Yeah, I'm here, Ron.

RON STALLWORTH
Ready for the Lion's Den.

CHUCK
Sure, are you ready Ron?

RON STALLWORTH
Ron was born ready.

CHUCK
Born ready was Ron. Ron be careful.

RON STALLWORTH
You too, Ron.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene outside the Antlers Hotel, Ron Stallworth, a Black detective, introduces himself as the bodyguard for David Duke, a prominent figure in the white supremacist movement. Despite his personal disdain for Duke's ideologies, Ron remains committed to his professional duty. Duke acknowledges Ron's presence, seemingly oblivious to the irony of the situation, while bikers Ken and Duane express amusement at the absurdity of a Black man protecting him. The scene concludes with Ron and Chuck confirming their readiness for the challenges ahead, highlighting the ongoing conflict between duty and personal beliefs.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled interaction between Ron and David Duke
  • Effective establishment of conflict and moral dilemmas
  • Significant plot progression and character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact compared to potential
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively establishes tension and conflict through the interaction between Ron and David Duke, setting the stage for potential high stakes and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Ron being assigned as David Duke's bodyguard adds layers of conflict and moral dilemma to the narrative, enhancing the overall tension and drama.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly in this scene by introducing a new assignment for Ron that could have far-reaching consequences, setting up potential conflicts and character developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the typical bodyguard scenario by incorporating themes of personal beliefs and professional duty.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Ron Stallworth and David Duke are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their contrasting beliefs and professional interactions.

Character Changes: 8

Ron undergoes a subtle character change in this scene as he navigates the complexities of his assignment and confronts his own beliefs in the face of duty.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain professionalism and ensure the safety of David Duke, despite his personal disagreement with Duke's ideologies.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to act as David Duke's bodyguard and protect him from credible threats on his life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Ron and David Duke, as well as the internal conflict within Ron himself, adds depth and tension to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and potential threats creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Ron is tasked with protecting David Duke, a controversial figure, while navigating his own moral compass and potential dangers.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new assignment for Ron, setting up potential conflicts and developments that will impact the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected alliance between the protagonist and David Duke, creating tension and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between the protagonist's personal beliefs and his professional duty to protect someone with opposing ideologies.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a moderate emotional impact due to the conflicting emotions and moral dilemmas faced by Ron, as well as the tense interaction with David Duke.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between Ron and David Duke, highlighting their differing perspectives and professional demeanor.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tense atmosphere, conflicting ideologies, and the protagonist's internal struggle.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively setting up the conflict and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension and irony by placing Ron, a Black detective, in the role of bodyguard for David Duke, a prominent white supremacist. This juxtaposition creates a compelling dynamic that can engage the audience's interest.
  • The dialogue is straightforward and serves its purpose, but it could benefit from more subtext. For instance, Ron's statement about not agreeing with Duke's philosophies feels somewhat on-the-nose. A more nuanced approach could convey his disdain without explicitly stating it, allowing the audience to infer the tension.
  • The reactions of the bikers are minimal and could be expanded to enhance the atmosphere. Their silence and smiles could be accompanied by more body language or expressions that reflect their surprise or skepticism, adding depth to their characters.
  • The transition between Ron's interaction with Duke and the intercutting with Chuck feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the scene's flow and keep the audience engaged without feeling disjointed.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional arc. While it sets up the stakes, it doesn't delve into Ron's internal conflict about protecting someone he fundamentally opposes. Exploring his thoughts or feelings in a more explicit way could add depth to his character and the scene overall.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to Ron's dialogue with Duke. Instead of stating he disagrees with Duke's philosophies, he could use sarcasm or a pointed remark that implies his disdain without directly saying it.
  • Enhance the bikers' reactions to Ron's presence. Include more descriptive actions or dialogue that reflect their surprise or skepticism, which could heighten the tension in the scene.
  • Smooth out the transition between Ron's interaction with Duke and the intercut with Chuck. Perhaps include a visual cue or a line that connects the two moments more fluidly.
  • Explore Ron's internal conflict more deeply. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that shows his discomfort with the situation, which could enrich the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Add a moment of tension or foreshadowing regarding the threats against Duke. This could be a subtle hint or a comment from Ron that suggests the gravity of the situation, increasing the stakes for both characters.



Scene 49 -  Undercover Tensions
117 INT. UNMARKED CAR - DAY 117

Ron sits there, radio in hand.


RON STALLWORTH
I'll be listening with both Ears.

118 EXT. STREETS - DAY 118

BIKERS that look like Hells Angels Types lead a Motorcade
through the streets of Colorado Springs with Two Vans behind
them.

119 INT. VAN - DAY 119

Chuck sits squeezed between Two BIKERS.

120 INT. VAN - DAY 120

The Van stops and the Door is RIPPED open. Ken stands there,
big smile on his face as he motions them to come out.

KEN
Sorry for the Extra Security today.
Can't be too careful. Ready to meet
Mr. Duke?

121 INT. RESTAURANT - DAY 121

Chuck follows Ken to a large Table near the back, where
Butch, Duane and other Chapter Members stand around chatting
with David Duke.

Everyone stands around in awe of The Grand Wizard. Duke turns
and smiles as Chuck approaches.

KEN
Mr. Duke, our newest recruit, Ron
Stallworth.

He shakes both of their Hands.

DAVID DUKE
Ron, it's my pleasure to finally meet
you in person.

Both of Duke's hands clasp Chuck's hand tight.

CHUCK
You as well.

Duke pauses a moment as he processes Chuck's voice. Is this
the same person he's been talking to on the phone?

CLOSE - RON

watches from the side worried about the outcome. Duke SLAPS
Chuck on the back appearing like best buddies. Ron continues
to observe.


122 ANGLE - RESTAURANT/COCKTAILS - DAY 122

The room filled with People mingling eating Hors d'oeuvres.
Ken stands between Chuck and Duke as he holds Court.

Chuck, Duane, Ken, Butch and Louise all drink it up totally
impressed and star struck. Butch does a double take when he
sees Ron.

BUTCH
What's that doing here?

DUANE
Fuckin' Cop assigned to guard Mister
Duke. Isn't that the living shits.

Butch stares at Ron, pondering the door meeting.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene set in a Colorado Springs restaurant, Ron Stallworth listens in on a meeting with David Duke while Chuck, posing as Ron, is introduced to Duke. The atmosphere is lively, but Ron's undercover status raises suspicion among Duke's associates, Butch and Duane, who question his presence. As Chuck engages with Duke, Ron's worry grows, culminating in a moment of confrontation when Butch stares at him, hinting at the danger of being discovered.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some elements could be further developed for added impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense, with strong character dynamics and high stakes. However, some elements could be further developed to enhance the overall impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of infiltrating a Klan meeting to gather information is engaging and drives the plot forward. The scene effectively conveys the risks and challenges faced by the characters.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses as the characters navigate the tense situation at the Klan meeting, with conflicts and high stakes driving the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the undercover cop genre by exploring the complexities of race, identity, and morality within the context of the Ku Klux Klan. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and conflicting emotions. Their interactions add depth to the scene and drive the tension.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience internal conflicts and emotional shifts during the scene, particularly as they navigate the deception and high stakes of the mission.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his cover and gather information on the Klan without blowing his cover. This reflects his deeper need to protect himself and his identity while working undercover.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to successfully infiltrate the Klan and gather intelligence on their activities. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in maintaining his cover and gaining the trust of Klan members.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The level of conflict is high, with tensions rising as the characters navigate the dangerous situation at the Klan meeting. The conflicting emotions and high stakes drive the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies, hidden agendas, and power struggles that create uncertainty and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing the risk of exposure and danger as they infiltrate the Klan meeting. The potential consequences add tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by advancing the infiltration mission and revealing new challenges and conflicts for the characters to overcome.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, moral ambiguities, and unexpected twists that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's beliefs in justice and equality and the Klan's racist ideology. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview as he navigates the dangerous world of the Klan.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, anxiety, and curiosity, as the characters face the risks and challenges of the infiltration mission.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and unease of the situation, with subtle hints of deception and conflicting emotions. The interactions between characters are engaging.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and tense interactions between characters that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, suspense, and character development through well-timed dialogue and action beats.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict through well-paced dialogue and action sequences.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing Ron's undercover role with the Klan's casual acceptance of Chuck, creating a sense of impending conflict. However, the transition from Ron's perspective to Chuck's experience in the van could be smoother to maintain narrative flow.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks depth in conveying the emotional stakes for Ron. While we see Chuck's excitement, Ron's internal conflict could be more explicitly expressed through his thoughts or reactions, enhancing the audience's connection to his character.
  • The visual elements, such as the contrast between the bikers and the unmarked car, are strong, but the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to evoke the atmosphere of the restaurant and the tension in the air as Ron observes the interactions.
  • The introduction of Duke is impactful, but the scene could explore Chuck's feelings about meeting Duke more deeply. This moment is significant for Chuck's character arc, and a brief internal monologue or reaction could add layers to his experience.
  • The reactions of Butch and Duane towards Ron are effective in highlighting the absurdity of the situation, but their dialogue could be sharpened to enhance the humor and tension. Their disdain for Ron should feel more immediate and visceral.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Ron as he observes the meeting, allowing the audience to understand his thoughts and feelings about the situation and the Klan's ideology.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Chuck and Duke to reflect Chuck's awe and internal conflict about being in the presence of a figure like Duke, which could deepen his character development.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to describe the restaurant setting, such as the sounds of clinking glasses or the smell of food, to immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Strengthen the comedic elements in Butch and Duane's dialogue by using sharper, more pointed insults or observations about Ron's presence, which could heighten the tension and absurdity of the moment.
  • Consider adding a moment where Ron's worry escalates, perhaps through a visual cue or a physical reaction, to emphasize the stakes of the situation and his role as an undercover officer.



Scene 50 -  The Oath of Darkness
123 INT. WAITING ROOM - STEAKHOUSE - DAY 123

The Mood now Solemn and Deadly Serious and Religious. Chuck
and Ten other INDUCTEES stand in a cramped waiting room. They
all wear Klan robes. The other inductees are grinning ear to
ear, like Kids on Early Morning Christmas.

FRED WILKENS steps in. Fred is 35, Clean-Shaven, in shape
underneath his flowing Klan robe.

FRED
I'm Fred Wilkens, Colorado's Grand
Dragon. I welcome you all to this
Sacred Ceremony.

Fred stands tall, beaming. Chuck wipes his brow.

FRED (cont'd)
In a moment you will take a Life Oath
to join the most Sacred Brotherhood
this Nation has ever seen.

Fred allows for a dramatic pause. Duke addresses them.

DAVID DUKE
My Brothers in Christ, Nobel Prize
recipient and Co-Creator of the
Transistor and my dear friend,
William Shockley, who's scientific
work ushered in the Computer Age, has
proven through his research with
Eugenics that each of us have flowing
through our veins the Genes of a
Superior Race. Today, we celebrate
that Truth.

Chuck and the others stand strong and ready.


FRED (cont'd)
Hoods on, Gentlemen.

The Inductees pull on their Hoods, covering their Faces.
Chuck hesitates, then pulls his hood on.

124 INT. STEAKHOUSE/KITCHEN AREA - DAY 124

Ron sees a Black WAITER, JOSH, 50, and nears him, whispering
in his ear. The Waiter looks around and gestures for Ron to
follow him. Ron follows Josh up a back set of stairs. He
points to a door and Ron SLAPS twenty dollars in his hand.
Josh leaves. Ron goes through the door.

125 INT. STEAKHOUSE/STORAGE ROOM - DAY 125

Ron enters the small storage room full of Janitorial
supplies. He looks through a small window down at the Private
Room below.

126 INT. FREEDOM HOUSE - DAY 126

The House is filled to capacity watching Patrice speaks at
the podium as JEROME TOMPKINS, Black, 80, a Mane of Silver
Hair, a distinguished Gentleman, sits across from her.

PATRICE
I am extremely honored today to
introduce our speaker for today
Mister Jerome Tompkins. Mr. Tompkins
was born in 1898 in Waco, Texas.

127 INT. PRIVATE ROOM - STEAKHOUSE - DAY - INTERCUT 127

The Inductees step inside a dark room lit only by Candles.
David Duke's Voice, ghostly, Calls from The Darkness.

DAVID DUKE (O.S.)
God... give us True White Men. The
Invisible Empire demands strong
Minds, Great Heart, True Faith, and
ready hands...

The Inductees align themselves in a row.

DAVID DUKE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Men who have Honor. Men who will not
Lie. Men who can stand before a
Demagogue and damn his treacherous
flatteries without winking.

Chuck can see Duke now, illuminated by Candles, wearing his
own Ceremonial Robe. His Hood does not cover his Face.




CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a solemn steakhouse waiting room, Chuck and ten other inductees don Klan robes, preparing for a Life Oath ceremony led by Fred Wilkens, Colorado's Grand Dragon. As David Duke speaks on racial superiority, Chuck hesitates before pulling on his hood, symbolizing his internal conflict. Outside, Ron discreetly observes the ceremony with the help of a Black waiter, Josh. The scene contrasts with a gathering at Freedom House, where Patrice introduces Jerome Tompkins, highlighting differing ideologies. The ceremony culminates in a dark, candle-lit room, emphasizing the gravity of the Klan's rituals.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character development
  • Theme exploration
Weaknesses
  • Potential for stereotypical portrayals
  • Lack of diversity in perspectives

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a crucial turning point in the plot. It introduces high stakes and conflict while maintaining a consistent tone and theme throughout.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the juxtaposition of the Klan initiation ceremony and the resistance efforts at Freedom House, highlighting the themes of racism, surveillance, and activism.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene advances the overall story by introducing key conflicts, character motivations, and setting up future events. It adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of racism, white supremacy, and moral conflict. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene are well-defined, with clear motivations and conflicts. Their interactions and reactions add layers to the story and drive the plot forward.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes in the scene, from Chuck's hesitation during the initiation to Ron's conflicted feelings about his role as an undercover detective. These changes drive the character arcs forward.

Internal Goal: 8

Chuck's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his conflicting emotions and beliefs as he participates in the Klan ceremony. He is torn between his desire for acceptance and belonging within the group and his internal moral compass that tells him this is wrong.

External Goal: 7

Chuck's external goal is to successfully complete the initiation ceremony and become a full member of the Klan. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from the tension of the Klan initiation to the resistance efforts at Freedom House. The conflicting beliefs and actions of the characters drive the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Chuck facing internal and external challenges that test his beliefs and values. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The scene features high stakes, from the secretive Klan initiation to the resistance efforts at Freedom House. The characters' lives and beliefs are on the line, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key plot points, conflicts, and character developments. It sets up future events and raises the stakes for the main characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the moral ambiguity of the characters' actions and the uncertain outcome of Chuck's internal struggle. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between the Klan's racist beliefs and Chuck's internal moral values. The Klan members believe in white supremacy and eugenics, while Chuck struggles with the implications of these beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and suspense during the Klan initiation to determination and solidarity at Freedom House. The characters' struggles and beliefs resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension, beliefs, and emotions of the characters. It adds depth to their interactions and reveals their inner thoughts and conflicts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and dramatic dialogue, the high stakes faced by the characters, and the moral dilemmas presented. The tension and conflict keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax. The rhythm of the dialogue and character actions enhances the emotional impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The visual and auditory elements are well-balanced.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the overall effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes a solemn and serious tone, which is appropriate given the context of a Klan initiation ceremony. The contrast between the eager inductees and the dark, ominous atmosphere enhances the tension and highlights the absurdity of their beliefs.
  • The dialogue is impactful, particularly Fred Wilkens' introduction and David Duke's speech, which serve to underscore the indoctrination process. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while it is clear that Duke is promoting a dangerous ideology, adding layers to his speech could make it more chilling and engaging.
  • Chuck's hesitation before putting on the hood is a strong character moment that could be further emphasized. This internal conflict could be visually represented through close-ups or lingering shots that capture his emotional struggle, enhancing the audience's connection to his character.
  • The intercutting between the Klan ceremony and Patrice's speech at Freedom House is a powerful narrative device that contrasts the two worlds. However, the transition between these scenes could be smoother. Consider using a more explicit visual or auditory cue to signal the shift, reinforcing the thematic juxtaposition.
  • The scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the environment. Describing the smells, sounds, and visual elements of both the Klan ceremony and the Freedom House gathering would enhance the emotional weight and create a more vivid experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or visual cues to express Chuck's internal conflict about joining the Klan, which could deepen his character development and make the audience empathize with his struggle.
  • Enhance the dialogue with subtext by incorporating more nuanced language that reflects the indoctrination process, making the audience feel the weight of the Klan's ideology without being overtly explicit.
  • Use more dynamic camera angles and movements during the intercutting scenes to create a stronger emotional impact. For example, a slow zoom on Chuck's face as he puts on the hood could heighten the tension and signify his internal battle.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere. Describe the flickering candlelight, the oppressive silence, or the nervous energy of the inductees to draw the audience deeper into the scene.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic visual or auditory cue that emphasizes the gravity of the Klan's actions, such as the sound of a heartbeat or a close-up of Chuck's face as he dons the hood, leaving the audience with a lingering sense of dread.



Scene 51 -  Echoes of Injustice
128 INT. FREEDOM HOUSE - NIGHT 128

Tompkins is at the Podium. He speaks slowly but with
strength.

JEROME TOMPKINS
It was a nice spring day, Waco, Texas
May 15th, Nineteen Hundred and
Sixteen.

CUT BACK TO:

129 INT. PRIVATE ROOM - STEAKHOUSE - DAY 129

Chuck looks around and the Room comes into Focus: He is
surrounded, on all sides, by Klansmen wearing Robes and Hoods
and holding Candles. It's a Surreal, Hair-Raising experience.

JEROME TOMPKINS (V.O.)(CONT'D)
Jesse Washington was a friend of
mine. He was Seventeen, I was
Eighteen. He was what they called
back then, Slow. Today it's called
Mentally Retarded.

CUT BACK TO:

130 INT. FREEDOM HOUSE - DAY 130

CLOSE - JEROME TOMPKINS

JEROME TOMPKINS (CONT'D)
They claim Jesse Raped and Murdered a
White Woman named Lucy Fryer. They
put Jesse on Trial and he was
convicted by an All White Jury after
deliberating for Four Minutes.

CUT TO:

131 INT. PRIVATE ROOM - STEAKHOUSE - DAY 131

CLOSE - DAVID DUKE

DAVID DUKE
God give us real Men, Courageous, who
flinch not at Duty. Men of Dependable
Character, Men of Sterling Worth.
Then Wrongs will be Redressed and
Right will Rule The Earth. God give
us True White Men!


Silence. Then...

DAVID DUKE (CONT'D)
Ron Stallworth, come forward.

CUT TO:

132 INT. STEAKHOUSE/STORAGE ROOM - DAY 132

Ron looks down from the window. Chuck steps toward Duke.

CUT TO:

133 INT. FREEDOM HOUSE - DAY 133

CLOSE - JEROME TOMPKINS

JEROME TOMPKINS
I was working at the Shoe Shine
Parlor. After the verdict, a Mob
grabbed Jesse, wrapped a Chain around
his Neck and dragged him out the
Court House. I knew I had to hide.

CUT TO:

134 INT. PRIVATE ROOM - STEAKHOUSE - DAY 134

DAVID DUKE
Ron Stallworth. Are you a White, Non-
Jewish American Citizen?

Chuck is breathing hard.

CHUCK
Yes.

DAVID DUKE
Yes, what?

CHUCK
I am a White, Non-Jewish American
Citizen?

CUT TO:

135 INT. FREEDOM HOUSE - DAY 135

CLOSE - PATRICE

Tears roll down her face.


JEROME TOMPKINS (V.O.)
The Attic of the Parlor had a Small
Window and I watched below as The Mob
marched Jesse along Stabbing and
Beating him.
Finally, they held Jesse down and cut
his Testicles off in Front of City
Hall.

CLOSE - JEROME TOMPKINS

JEROME TOMPKINS (CONT'D)
The Police and City Officials were
out there just watching like it was a
TV Show.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a poignant scene, Jerome Tompkins delivers a heartfelt speech at Freedom House, recounting the lynching of his friend Jesse Washington in 1916, highlighting the brutal injustice he faced from an all-white jury. The narrative contrasts with Chuck's tense confrontation with Klansmen in a steakhouse, where he struggles to assert his identity in front of David Duke. As Tompkins' emotional recollection unfolds, Patrice is visibly moved, shedding tears for the tragic history. The scene underscores the ongoing racial tensions and violence, leaving a haunting impact as Tompkins concludes with Jesse's harrowing fate.
Strengths
  • Powerful thematic resonance
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Effective juxtaposition of past and present events
Weaknesses
  • Potential for heavy-handedness in thematic exploration
  • Risk of melodrama in emotional portrayal

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a powerful message through its juxtaposition of historical injustice and present-day racism. The emotional impact is strong, and the conflict is palpable, setting the stage for significant character development and plot progression.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of juxtaposing historical racial injustice with a Klan initiation ceremony is innovative and thought-provoking. It adds layers of complexity to the characters and themes, deepening the audience's engagement with the story.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the contrast between past and present events, highlighting the characters' internal conflicts and the larger societal issues at play. The scene sets up significant developments for the characters and the overall narrative.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring themes of racism and justice, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the historical context.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' emotional depth and internal struggles are effectively portrayed, especially in Chuck's hesitation during the Klan ceremony and Ron's observant yet conflicted stance. The scene sets the stage for further character development and reveals the complexities of their roles.

Character Changes: 8

The scene sets the stage for significant character changes, especially in Chuck's internal struggle and Ron's growing awareness of the complexities of his undercover role. The emotional depth of the events will likely lead to transformative character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the dangerous and racist environment he finds himself in, while also grappling with his own moral compass and sense of justice.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to survive and protect himself in the face of violent racism and threats from the Ku Klux Klan.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is multi-layered, encompassing internal struggles, ideological clashes, and historical injustices. The tension between the characters and the contrasting events adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing significant threats and challenges that raise the stakes and drive the conflict forward.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene are evident through the characters' moral dilemmas, the historical injustices at play, and the escalating tensions within the narrative. The consequences of their actions carry significant weight, raising the stakes for the characters and the story.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' conflicts, setting up future developments, and highlighting the thematic underpinnings of the narrative. It advances the plot while adding layers of complexity to the overall story.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its portrayal of escalating tension and violence, keeping the audience on edge about the characters' fates.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the clash between the protagonist's values of justice and equality against the Klan's beliefs of white supremacy and violence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of sadness, anger, and shock through its portrayal of racial injustice and present-day racism. The characters' internal conflicts and the weight of the events contribute to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the contrasting ideologies and emotions of the characters, adding depth to their interactions. The use of historical references and Klan rhetoric enhances the thematic resonance of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense and emotional subject matter, as well as the high stakes faced by the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for the genre, enhancing the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and conveys the protagonist's internal and external struggles.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the powerful speech of Jerome Tompkins with the chilling atmosphere of the Klan ceremony, creating a stark contrast that heightens the emotional impact. However, the transitions between the two settings could be smoother to maintain the audience's engagement and understanding of the parallel narratives.
  • The dialogue from Tompkins is poignant and impactful, but it could benefit from more vivid imagery or emotional depth to further immerse the audience in Jesse Washington's tragic story. This would enhance the gravity of the historical context and evoke a stronger emotional response.
  • Chuck's internal conflict is palpable, but the scene could delve deeper into his psychological state as he stands among the Klansmen. Adding subtle visual cues or internal monologue could help convey his discomfort and moral struggle more effectively.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven at times, particularly during the transitions between Tompkins' speech and the Klan ceremony. A more rhythmic editing style could enhance the tension and urgency of the moment, making the audience feel the weight of both narratives simultaneously.
  • The use of close-ups on characters like Tompkins and Duke is effective, but the scene could benefit from wider shots that capture the full context of both settings. This would help the audience visualize the stark contrast between the two events and the characters' emotional states.
Suggestions
  • Consider refining the transitions between Tompkins' speech and the Klan ceremony to create a more seamless flow. This could involve using visual motifs or sound design to bridge the two narratives.
  • Enhance Tompkins' dialogue with more descriptive language or emotional anecdotes that paint a vivid picture of Jesse Washington's experience, making it more relatable and impactful for the audience.
  • Incorporate visual storytelling techniques, such as Chuck's body language or facial expressions, to convey his internal conflict more clearly. This could involve close-ups that capture his discomfort or hesitation.
  • Experiment with the pacing of the scene by adjusting the timing of cuts between the two settings. Consider using quicker cuts during moments of tension to heighten the urgency and emotional stakes.
  • Add wider shots that encompass the full atmosphere of both the Freedom House and the steakhouse, allowing the audience to grasp the contrasting environments and the significance of the events unfolding in each.



Scene 52 -  Rituals of Hate
INT. PRIVATE ROOM - STEAKHOUSE - DAY

Duke looks into Chuck's Eyes. Chuck returns The Stare.

DAVID DUKE
Are you in favor of a White Man's
Government in this Country?

INT. STEAKHOUSE/STORAGE ROOM - DAY

Candles from The Ceremony reflecting in the window in front
of Ron's face as he watches The Madness.

JEROME TOMPKINS (V.O.)
They cut off Jesse's Fingers and
poured Coal Oil over his Bloody Body,
lit a Bonfire and for two hours they
raised and lowered Jesse into the
Flames over and over and over again.

CUT TO:

INT. PRIVATE ROOM - STEAKHOUSE - DAY

CLOSE - Chuck stands there holding in his emotions.

INT. FREEDOM HOUSE - DAY

CLOSE - JEROME TOMPKINS

JEROME TOMPKINS
The Mayor had a Photographer by the
name of Gildersleeve come and take
Pictures of the whole Lynching.


DAVID DUKE (O.S.)
Ron Stallworth. Are you willing to
dedicate your Life to the Protection,
Preservation and Advancement of the
White Race?



CUT TO:

138 PHOTOS OF THE LYNCHING OF JESSE WASHINGTON 138

Horrific, Barbaric, Simply Unreal!

CUT TO:

INT. PRIVATE ROOM - STEAKHOUSE - DAY

David Duke holds an Aspergillus in one Hand, a Bowl of Water
in the other Hand. The Inductees drop to their knees.

DAVID DUKE
In Mind, in Body, in Spirit.

Duke sprinkles Water on each Inductee.

CUT TO:

139 INT. FREEDOM HOUSE - DAY 139

More Lynching Photos!!! WE SEE one of the Post Cards on the
back is written: THIS IS THE BARBECUE WE HAD LAST NIGHT. MY
PICTURE IS TO THE LEFT WITH A CROSS OVER IT. YOUR SON, JOE

JEROME TOMPKINS (V.O.)
They was sold as Post Cards. They put
Jesse's charred Body in a Bag and
dragged it through Town then sold
what was left of his remains as
Souvenirs.

CUT BACK TO:

141 INT. PRIVATE ROOM - STEAKHOUSE - DAY 141

CLAPPING and CHEERING from the Audience filled with pride.
The Inductees on their Feet. The End of The Ceremony.
Wives and Parents are crying with Joy. Children watch.

JEROME TOMPKINS (V.O.)
Good Folks cheered and laughed and
had a High Ole' Time. They estimate
close to Twenty Thousand people
watched it.

JEROME TOMPKINS (V.O.) (CONT'D)
They brought The Children on Lunch
hour. All I could do was Watch and
Pray they wouldn't find me.

INT. FREEDOM HOUSE - DAY

MORE LYNCHING PHOTOS of The Enormous Crowd. No one Hides
their Faces. Everyone is proud to be there.

142 INT. FREEDOM HOUSE - NIGHT 142

The Crowd at the Lecture is Destroyed by The Story. People
are Weeping, Tears streaming down faces, Leon and Hakim sit
there, stunned. Patrice her Eyes Red with Tears leads the
audience around the room examining the LYNCHING PHOTOS that
are on display.

143 INT. STEAKHOUSE/STORAGE ROOM - DAY 143

Ron sees Chuck's Ceremony completed and goes downstairs.

144 INT. PRIVATE ROOM - STEAKHOUSE - NIGHT 144

The lights are now on, The Candles extinguished, The Hoods
have been removed. Everyone sits watching as D.W. Griffith's
The Birth of a Nation is projected on a Screen. The newly
installed Klansmen and their Families watching the Film with
faces of amazement.

JEROME TOMPKINS (V.O.)
One of the reasons they did that to
Jesse was that Movie that had come
out a year before. It gave the Klan a
Rebirth. It was what was a Big, Big
thing back then. What they call a
Blockbuster! Everybody saw it. Even
The President of The United States,
Woodrow Wilson showed the Movie in
the White House, he said "it was
History written with Lighting".

Duke, Chuck, Butch, Duane, Ken and the others watch
captivated. The Klan riding to the rescue defeating The
Black Beasts!!!

CLOSE - RON

observes it all from the back of the room the only Black
person there. He is like an Alien from Another Planet.

145 OMITTED 145
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a private steakhouse room, Duke confronts Chuck about his commitment to white supremacy, while Jerome Tompkins' voiceover recounts the brutal lynching of Jesse Washington, highlighting the horrific legacy of racism. The scene alternates between the Klan's ceremonial induction, where Duke sprinkles water on new members, and the grim historical context of lynching. As the Klan members celebrate and watch 'The Birth of a Nation,' Ron Stallworth, the only Black person present, feels alienated amidst the chilling display of hate and violence.
Strengths
  • Powerful imagery
  • Emotional depth
  • Historical relevance
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential for triggering sensitive topics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively conveys the horrors of racism and violence through powerful imagery and contrasting tones. It engages the audience emotionally and intellectually, leaving a lasting impact.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of juxtaposing a lynching story with a Klan ceremony is innovative and thought-provoking. It explores themes of racism, violence, and historical context with depth and complexity.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the contrast between the two events and the emotional reactions of the characters. It adds depth to the overall narrative and character development.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring the impact of racism and white supremacy through the lens of historical events and personal experiences. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.6

The characters' reactions to the events reveal their beliefs, fears, and conflicts. The scene deepens the understanding of their motivations and values, contributing to their development.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo internal conflicts and moral dilemmas in response to the events, leading to subtle changes in their beliefs and perspectives. It adds depth to their arcs and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Chuck's internal goal in this scene is to suppress his emotions and maintain his composure in the face of the Klan's racist ideology and practices. This reflects his deeper need to navigate his identity as a black man in a hostile environment and protect himself from harm.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather information and intelligence on the Klan's activities and members, as part of his undercover investigation. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of infiltrating a dangerous and secretive organization.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.3

The conflict between the historical events and the characters' reactions creates tension and emotional depth. It highlights the moral dilemmas and ideological clashes within the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, as the protagonist faces significant challenges and threats from the Klan members. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will be resolved, adding to the suspense and drama.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are evident in the historical context of racism, violence, and ideological conflicts. The characters' decisions and actions have significant consequences, raising the tension and emotional impact.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the thematic exploration, revealing character dynamics, and setting up future conflicts. It adds layers to the narrative and enhances the overall plot progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and decisions. The audience is kept on edge as they anticipate the outcome of the tense confrontation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between white supremacy and racial equality. The protagonist's beliefs in justice and equality are challenged by the Klan's racist ideology and violent actions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of horror, pride, sorrow, and amazement through its powerful imagery and storytelling. It resonates with the audience on a visceral and intellectual level.

Dialogue: 8.2

The dialogue is impactful, especially in the speech about the lynching and the Klan ceremony. It conveys the emotions and beliefs of the characters effectively, adding layers to the narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense and emotional content, as well as the high stakes and conflicts faced by the characters. The suspense and drama keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic moment of confrontation and revelation. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions. The visual elements are well-defined and enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and characters.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The juxtaposition of Duke's ceremony with Jerome Tompkins' voiceover about the lynching of Jesse Washington is powerful and effectively highlights the stark contrast between the Klan's celebration of white supremacy and the horrific reality of racial violence. This duality serves to deepen the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The use of vivid imagery in Tompkins' narration, particularly the graphic details of the lynching, creates a visceral reaction that contrasts sharply with the celebratory atmosphere of the Klan ceremony. This technique effectively engages the audience's emotions and underscores the brutality of racism.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-executed, alternating between the two settings to maintain tension and keep the audience engaged. However, the transitions could be made smoother to enhance the flow and coherence of the narrative.
  • The character of Chuck is portrayed with a compelling internal conflict, as he grapples with his identity and the implications of his participation in the Klan ceremony. This adds depth to his character, but the scene could benefit from more explicit visual cues or expressions to convey his emotional turmoil.
  • The dialogue from Duke is chilling and reinforces his authority within the Klan, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more of Chuck's internal thoughts or reactions to Duke's questions. This would provide a clearer insight into Chuck's mindset and heighten the tension of the moment.
  • The visual elements, such as the candles and the hoods, effectively symbolize the secrecy and darkness of the Klan's ideology. However, the scene could further explore the reactions of the other inductees to Duke's words, adding layers to their characters and the collective atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or visual cues for Chuck to better illustrate his emotional struggle during the ceremony. This could help the audience connect more deeply with his character.
  • Enhance the transitions between the two settings by using more fluid visual or auditory cues, such as overlapping sounds or imagery, to create a more seamless experience for the viewer.
  • Incorporate reactions from other inductees during Duke's speech to provide a broader perspective on the atmosphere of the ceremony and to highlight the collective mindset of the Klan members.
  • Explore the use of silence or pauses in Tompkins' narration to allow the weight of his words to resonate with the audience, creating a more impactful emotional experience.
  • Consider concluding the scene with a more explicit visual representation of Ron's alienation, perhaps through a close-up shot that captures his expression as he witnesses the Klan's celebration, reinforcing the theme of isolation in the face of hatred.



Scene 53 -  Confrontation at the Banquet
146 INT. BANQUET ROOM - STEAKHOUSE - DAY 146

It's a large space with a long banquet table. Ken welcomes
Duke up to The Head Table podium.

KEN
Please everyone rise as The Grand
Wizard leads us in a toast.

Duke steps to the podium. Duke raises his glass.

DAVID DUKE
Look around, tonight we are
privileged to be among White Men such
as yourselves, Real Warriors for The
Real America, the One Our Ancestors
Fought and Died for.

Everyone's face in the room brightens as Duke fills them all
with inspiration.

DAVID DUKE (CONT'D)
We are the True White American Race
the Backbone from whence came Our
Great Southern Heritage. To the USA!

Everyone in the hall shouts: TO THE USA! Everyone stands,
hoisting their glasses upward. Ron can see Holsters-- on
Belts, on Legs, on Ankles.

Ron's mouth goes agape realizing Everyone in the Room is
Armed.

David Duke at the banquet table shoves a forkful of Prime Rib
into his mouth as he chats casually with Ken and Fred.

Butch and Louise sit near The Head Table, eating. Chuck sits
on the opposite end. Ron watches as Louise rises from her
seat. She leans down giving Butch a peck on his Cheek.

CLOSE - LOUISE (RON'S POV)

leaves the banquet hall and Ron watches her go out the front
door. Butch goes over to Duke leaning down to greet him.

BUTCH
I just want to say how Honored I am
to be in your presence.

They shake hands in the traditional Klan manner.

DAVID DUKE
The Honor is Mine.


CLOSE - WALKER

walks through the maze of tables with his second helping of
food when he notices...

CLOSE - CHUCK (WALKER'S POV)

talking at the table with Ken and Duke. Duke and Chuck are
very chummy laughing and telling stories like old friends.

Walker stares hard at Chuck like he trying to place him. He
sits next to Butch still staring at Chuck. Walker nods to
himself, speaking quietly.

WALKER
He's a Cop.

BUTCH
Who?

WALKER
That guy.

Butch looks at Chuck.

BUTCH
Ron?

WALKER
No, that guy.

Walker is talking about Chuck too.

BUTCH
Ron's a Cop?

WALKER
No, his name is Chuck.

BUTCH
Who's Chuck?

Walker looks at Chuck as he speaks to Duke.

WALKER
Who’s Ron, that’s Chuck.

BUTCH
What the Fuck are you talking about?

WALKER
That guy was the Cop that sent me to
Prison 15 years ago for Armed Fucking
Robbery.


Chuck eating with Duke.

WALKER (O.S.)
His name is Chuck... Zimmerman.

Butch is shocked.

BUTCH
What!

WALKER
Yeah, he’s a Fuckin’ Pig.

BUTCH
What's his name?

WALKER
Chuck Zimmerman.

BUTCH
Isn't that a Jew name?

WALKER
I don’t know... probably.

BUTCH
So Ron Stallworth is a fucking Jew.

WALKER
Coulda’ been worse.

Butch looks at him.

WALKER (CONT’D)
Coulda’ been a Nigger.

Butch thinks to himself, then looks over at

RON

who is standing not far away from David Duke. Ron is watching

BUTCH

and Walker focusing on Chuck. The Two, Ron and Butch, share a
long uncomfortable stare. Butch has figured it all out.

BUTCH
He is a Nigger.

Walker turns to Butch.

BUTCH (CONT'D)
That Cop guarding Duke. Zimmerman is
using his name.


WALKER
Let's tell Duke.

Walker starts to rise, Butch lowers him back.

BUTCH
No, Duke's crazy about that guy. Let
it go for now, I'll find the moment.
No, now it's White People Time.

Butch turns to Louise, whispering, they all then rise. Ron
knows something is askew. He gives Chuck a look. Chuck sees
it as Ron walks over to Duke.

RON STALLWORTH
...Mr. Duke, a favor to ask. Nobody's
gonna believe me when I tell them I
was your Bodyguard.

Ron holds up a Polaroid Camera.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
Care to take a Photo with me?

Duke laughs, looking around the table.

DAVID DUKE
I don't see any harm in that. Hey
Fred... why don't you get in here
too?

Fred Wilkens, equally amused, walks over. Chuck is already
out of his Seat, walking to Ron. Ron glances over seeing

BUTCH, WALKER AND LOUISE AT THE BACK DOOR(RON'S POV)

She has her purse and Walker hands her a gym bag. Butch pecks
her on the lips. She exits the steakhouse with the gym bag.

CLOSE - RON

then turns to Chuck.

RON STALLWORTH
You mind taking it, Sir?

ANGLE - ROOM

Chuck nods and Ron hands him The Polaroid Camera.

Ron walks back and stands in between Duke, THE GRAND WIZARD
and Fred, THE GRAND DRAGON.

RON (CONT'D)
One... Two... Three!


Right as the Camera Flashes, Ron drapes his arms around both
Duke and Fred, pulling them in real close.

The Polaroid clicks and spits out the Photo instantly.

Duke is startled for a brief second... then it all happens in
a FLASH.

Duke and Ron spring toward Chuck, each making a Mad Dash for
the Photo.

Ron grabs it first. Duke lunges to grab the Photo from Ron's
hands but Ron yanks it away.

RON STALLWORTH(CONT'D)
If you lay one Stubby Finger on me,
I'll arrest you for assaulting a
Police Officer. That's worth about
Five Years in Prison. Try me. See if
I'm playing.

The Room falls into Dead Silence. Klansmen mouths hang open,
watching their Leaders threatened by a DETECTIVE NIGGER.

Duke gives Ron the most vicious look imaginable.

Ron stares back. It's a SHOWDOWN.

Several Men in the Room have their hands at their Waists,
seconds away from drawing their Guns.

Ron can do only one thing: he smiles.

RON STALLWORTH(CONT'D)
Thanks for the Photo, Mr. Duke. Big
Fan. God Bless AMERICA.

Duke shakes his Head in Disgust.

DAVID DUKE
GET OUT!!!

Bikers and others surround Ron. Chuck looks wary knowing
something is up. He gets in Ron's face, threatening.

CHUCK
Boy you get ya' ass out NOW!

Ron breaks off from the roomful of disdain cutting through
the watching crowd pushing past bodies heading toward the
front door. Suddenly, Ron's arm is grabbed...

BUTCH (O.S.)
Where's your girlfriend.


Ron turns finding Butch holding his arm.

BUTCH
Detective Stallworth?

Ron JERKS his arm away heading to the exit.
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense steakhouse banquet, Ken introduces David Duke, who leads a toast to white heritage, igniting pride among attendees. Ron, the only Black guest, realizes the room is armed and observes interactions that reveal Chuck as a police officer. Seizing a moment during a photo opportunity with Duke, Ron boldly asserts his authority, threatening Duke with arrest. The atmosphere thickens with tension as Duke orders Ron to leave, culminating in a confrontation with Butch at the exit.
Strengths
  • Intense confrontation
  • Revealing plot twist
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Complex character dynamics may be challenging for some viewers to follow

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, suspense, and a significant plot twist. The confrontation between Ron and David Duke raises the stakes and showcases the complex dynamics at play.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene revolves around a high-stakes confrontation and a significant reveal, driving the plot forward and intensifying the conflict. The scene effectively captures the themes of deception and danger.

Plot: 9.2

The plot of the scene is crucial in revealing Chuck's true identity, creating a dramatic confrontation between Ron and David Duke, and setting the stage for further conflict and resolution. It moves the story forward significantly.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the undercover cop genre by incorporating themes of racism, white supremacy, and moral ambiguity. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension and conflict.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with Ron, Chuck, David Duke, and Butch displaying distinct personalities and motivations. The interaction between the characters drives the tension and conflict in the scene.

Character Changes: 9

The scene leads to significant character changes, especially for Chuck, whose true identity is revealed, impacting his relationships with other characters. Ron's confrontation with David Duke also showcases his growth and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his cover as a police officer while navigating a dangerous situation involving the Klan. He must balance his duty to gather information with the risk of being exposed and potentially harmed.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to gather evidence and information on the Klan's activities, specifically David Duke. He aims to take a photo with Duke as proof of their interaction.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.3

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving personal, racial, and professional tensions between the characters. The high stakes and confrontations drive the narrative forward with a sense of urgency.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, power struggles, and moral dilemmas creating obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflict will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are exceptionally high, with the revelation of Chuck's true identity, the confrontation between Ron and David Duke, and the potential danger faced by the characters. The scene raises the stakes significantly.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by revealing crucial information, escalating the conflict, and setting the stage for further developments. It adds depth to the narrative and increases the tension within the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and dialogue. The shifting power dynamics and moral conflicts keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between white supremacist beliefs and the protagonist's values of justice and equality. The protagonist must navigate this conflict while maintaining his cover and gathering evidence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.1

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking tension, suspense, and hostility among the characters. The dramatic confrontations and revelations elicit strong emotional responses from the audience.

Dialogue: 9.1

The dialogue in the scene is intense, confrontational, and impactful, effectively conveying the emotions and motivations of the characters. The verbal sparring between Ron and David Duke adds depth to their dynamic.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense conflict, and moral dilemmas. The tension and drama keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, leading to a dramatic climax. The rhythm of the dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, building tension and conflict towards a dramatic climax. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing the celebratory atmosphere of the Klan gathering with Ron's precarious position as the only Black person present. This contrast heightens the stakes and emphasizes Ron's isolation, which is a powerful narrative choice.
  • David Duke's speech is well-crafted to reflect the manipulative rhetoric used by hate groups, showcasing his ability to inspire and rally his followers. However, it could benefit from a more explicit connection to the immediate threat posed to Ron, enhancing the urgency of the moment.
  • The dialogue between Butch and Walker serves to reveal Chuck's identity as a cop, which is a pivotal moment in the scene. However, the exposition could be streamlined to maintain the scene's pacing. The back-and-forth could be tightened to avoid confusion and keep the audience engaged.
  • The physical actions and reactions of the characters, particularly Ron's realization that everyone is armed, are impactful. However, the scene could further explore Ron's internal conflict and fear in this moment, providing deeper insight into his character and the gravity of the situation.
  • The climax of the scene, where Ron threatens Duke, is a strong moment of defiance. However, the transition from the buildup of tension to this confrontation could be smoother. The stakes feel slightly underexplored before this moment, and a clearer sense of what Ron stands to lose could enhance the impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Ron as he observes the Klan members, reflecting on his feelings of isolation and the danger he faces. This would deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • Streamline the dialogue between Butch and Walker to clarify the revelation about Chuck's identity. This could involve reducing repetitive phrases and focusing on the most impactful lines.
  • Enhance the stakes leading up to Ron's confrontation with Duke by incorporating more sensory details—sounds, sights, and smells—that emphasize the tension in the room.
  • Explore Ron's emotional state more thoroughly during the toast and the subsequent interactions. This could involve subtle physical cues or expressions that convey his anxiety and determination.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger visual or auditory cue that signifies the tension in the room, such as the sound of a gun being cocked or a close-up of Ron's determined expression, to leave the audience on the edge of their seats.



Scene 54 -  Tension at the Steakhouse
147 EXT. STEAKHOUSE/PARKING LOT - DAY 147

Ron rushes through the Lot hopping in his unmarked Car.

148 INT. RON'S CAR - DAY 148

Ron throws the Car into gear. He Yells into his Radio.


RON STALLWORTH
Attention all Units. Be on the
lookout for a White Pickup with a
"White Pride" Bumper Sticker. License
plate: KE-4108.

Ron guns it down the street.

RON STALLWORTH
Request Backup. FREEDOM HOUSE.

149 INT. STEAKHOUSE - DAY 149

Walker and Butch sit on both sides of Chuck. Chuck grins at
them, then does a double take at Walker, who stares at him.

BUTCH
Ron, I believe you know my friend.

Chuck stares at Walker playing it totally cool.

CHUCK
No, I don't believe we've ever met.

WALKER
It's been a few years ago. Fifteen to
be exact.

CHUCK
No, sorry, I can't place you.

DAVID DUKE
Did you Guys go to school together?

WALKER
No, I went to a Private School in
Leavenworth, Kansas.


BUTCH
Isn't that where the Prison is?

WALKER
Matter a fact it is.

Walker looks at Chuck, who says nothing.

BUTCH
You know something about that. Don't
you, Chuck?

Butch's eyes burn into Chuck, who doesn't flinch. Suddenly,
Josh the Waiter interrupts.

JOSH
There's an emergency phone call in
the lobby for a -- Butch Anderson.

Butch rises.

BUTCH
Don't say another word.
I'll be right back. Chuck.

Butch walks off. Walker watches him leave turning to Chuck,
who plays it cool. A confused Duke observes it all.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Ron Stallworth urgently drives away from a steakhouse, searching for a white pickup truck with a 'White Pride' bumper sticker. Inside, Butch confronts Chuck about their shared past, hinting at Chuck's connection to Walker's private school, which is also a prison. As the tension escalates, Butch is interrupted by a waiter announcing an emergency phone call, forcing him to leave the table and leaving Walker and Chuck in a charged silence.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Character dynamics
  • Confrontational atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension through the interactions between the characters, especially Chuck, Butch, and Walker. The presence of David Duke adds an extra layer of suspense, leading to a confrontational climax.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a covert operation meeting a potential threat head-on is engaging and keeps the audience on edge. The scene effectively explores the dynamics between the characters in a high-pressure situation.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with the confrontation leading to new revelations and character dynamics. The stakes are raised, setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to undercover investigations and explores themes of racism and discrimination in a unique way. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Chuck, Butch, and Walker, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting motivations and tensions. David Duke's presence adds an additional layer of complexity.

Character Changes: 8

Chuck undergoes a subtle shift in this scene as he navigates the confrontation with Butch and Walker, revealing more about his character and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his cover and gather information without blowing his cover. This reflects his deeper need to succeed in his mission and his fear of being discovered.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information about the group of people he is investigating. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing in his undercover operation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with personal, ideological, and professional tensions coming to a head. The stakes are high, leading to a gripping confrontation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing challenges and obstacles that add to the suspense and uncertainty of the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are exceptionally high, with personal, professional, and ideological conflicts coming to a head. The characters face significant risks and consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, revelations, and character dynamics. The plot advances towards a critical turning point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's values of justice and equality and the group's values of racism and discrimination. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, especially as the tensions rise and the characters face off. The high stakes and conflicting emotions add to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and confrontational nature of the scene. The interactions between the characters are sharp and impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tense interactions between characters, the high stakes of the undercover operation, and the suspenseful atmosphere created by the writer.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-defined character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension by juxtaposing Ron's urgent call for backup with the calm yet charged atmosphere in the steakhouse. This contrast heightens the stakes and keeps the audience engaged.
  • The dialogue between Chuck, Walker, and Butch is well-crafted, revealing underlying tensions and past connections without being overly expository. However, the pacing could be improved by tightening some of the exchanges to maintain momentum.
  • The character dynamics are compelling, particularly the way Chuck tries to maintain his composure in front of Walker, who knows his past. This creates a palpable sense of dread and anticipation, but the scene could benefit from more physical reactions or internal thoughts from Chuck to deepen the emotional stakes.
  • The interruption by Josh the Waiter serves as a useful plot device to break the tension, but it feels slightly abrupt. It might be more effective if the waiter’s entrance was foreshadowed or if there was a moment of hesitation before he speaks, enhancing the suspense.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with Butch leaving the table, which is effective for maintaining suspense. However, it could be strengthened by hinting at the implications of Butch's departure for Chuck, perhaps through a lingering shot or a line that suggests Chuck's anxiety about being exposed.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue for Chuck as he interacts with Walker and Butch, which could provide insight into his feelings of fear or guilt, enhancing the audience's connection to his character.
  • Tighten the dialogue exchanges to increase the pace, particularly in the back-and-forth between Chuck and Walker. This could involve cutting unnecessary filler words or phrases that don't add to the tension.
  • Introduce a moment of hesitation or confusion from Josh the Waiter before he delivers his line about the emergency phone call. This could heighten the tension and make the interruption feel more impactful.
  • Explore the physicality of the characters more. For instance, showing Chuck's body language or facial expressions could convey his internal struggle more vividly, making the scene more dynamic.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more explicit sense of urgency or danger, perhaps by having Ron's voice crackle over the radio with a more urgent tone, or by showing a glimpse of the approaching threat, to leave the audience on the edge of their seats.



Scene 55 -  Tension and Urgency
EXT. PHONE BOOTH - DAY - INTERCUT

A nervous Louise is on the phone clearly rattled.

LOUISE
Jesus! They’ve got Cops everywhere
here! Somebody tipped them off.

A Police Cruiser drives past.

LOUISE (CONT’D)
My God there goes another one!

Butch talks to her from the Lobby of The Steakhouse trying to
keep their conversation private.

BUTCH
All right, calm down, we planned for
this. We’ll go to Plan B. Okay?

LOUISE
Okay... Plan B.

BUTCH
You can do this. All right. I'll be
right there.


LOUISE
All right... Love You.

Dial tone. Butch has already hung up. She hangs up.

INT. STEAK HOUSE/LOBBY - DAY

Butch eyes Walker at the table with Chuck and Duke. Butch
waves to Walker. Duane sees Butch and rushes to join them.

WALKER
Excuse me Mister Duke.

Walker reluctantly leaves.

DAVID DUKE
What was all that about? And why did
he keep calling you Chuck?

CHUCK
We were in prison together. Years
ago. It's an inside joke.

Duke nods, concerned.

DAVID DUKE
I hope everything's all right?

CHUCK
Yeah, but I think he may have
violated his Parole. Excuse me...

Chuck stands watching Butch and Gang exit the Steakhouse.

150 EXT. ACADEMY BOULEVARD - DAY 150

Ron's Car weaves in between Traffic driving like crazy.

151 EXT. FREEDOM HOUSE - DAY 151

Ron zooms up to Freedom House SCREECHING to a stop! The event
is over. There are a few people outside conversing after the
event. Ron sees Leon and jumps out of the car.

RON STALLWORTH
Where's Patrice!!!

LEON
She took Mister Hopkins to her place.
She having a few friends over.

Ron climbs back in burns rubber heading to Patrice's place!


152 INT. DUANE'S CAR - DAY 152

Duane speeds toward Patrice's House with Butch in the
passenger seat and Walker hovering over them in the rear.


153 OMITTED 153
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense scene, Louise nervously calls Butch from a phone booth, fearing police presence due to a tip-off. Butch, calm and reassuring, suggests they switch to Plan B while interacting with others in a steakhouse. Meanwhile, Ron drives recklessly to find Patrice, adding to the urgency of the situation. The scene captures Louise's anxiety contrasted with Butch's composure, ending with Ron speeding off after learning Patrice's location.
Strengths
  • Building tension effectively
  • Creating a sense of danger and urgency
  • Advancing the plot significantly
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful
  • Character changes could be more pronounced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively creates a sense of urgency and danger through the characters' reactions and the unfolding events. The tension is palpable, keeping the audience engaged and on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of undercover operations, danger, and high stakes is effectively portrayed in the scene. The idea of navigating a risky situation while maintaining cover is compelling.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances significantly in this scene, introducing new challenges and escalating the conflict. The events set the stage for further developments and raise the stakes for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime genre by combining elements of loyalty, betrayal, and law enforcement. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions and decisions in the face of danger are well-portrayed, adding depth to their personalities and highlighting their vulnerabilities. The interactions between the characters drive the tension of the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Chuck's character undergoes a subtle change as he navigates the dangerous situation with Duke and the Klan members, showing his adaptability and quick thinking under pressure.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to remain calm and composed despite the escalating situation. This reflects her need for control and her fear of getting caught by the police.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to execute Plan B and evade the police. This reflects the immediate challenge of escaping law enforcement and avoiding arrest.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with multiple layers of tension and danger. The characters are faced with difficult choices and must navigate a precarious situation, adding to the suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple obstacles and challenges that keep the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the characters facing imminent danger and the risk of exposure. The potential consequences of failure add urgency and tension to the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new challenges, escalating the conflict, and setting the stage for further developments. It adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the escalating tension with law enforcement.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty to criminal associates and the fear of getting caught by law enforcement. The protagonist must balance her loyalty to Butch with the need to protect herself from the police.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, concern, and dread in the audience, eliciting an emotional response to the characters' perilous predicament. The stakes feel high, heightening the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the characters' emotions, fears, and motivations in the tense situation. It adds to the suspense and builds the atmosphere of impending danger.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the characters' dilemma and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' dilemma.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime thriller, with escalating tension, clear character motivations, and a sense of urgency.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through Louise's nervousness and the sense of urgency conveyed in her phone call. However, the dialogue could be more dynamic to reflect the high stakes of the situation. Louise's lines feel somewhat flat and could benefit from more emotional depth or urgency to match her fear.
  • The intercutting between Louise's phone call and the actions in the steakhouse is a strong technique that creates parallel tension. However, the transition between these two locations could be smoother. The abrupt switch from Louise's panic to the calmness of the steakhouse feels jarring. A more gradual transition or a visual cue could enhance the flow.
  • Butch's character comes across as somewhat one-dimensional in this scene. While he reassures Louise, his motivations and feelings about the situation are not fully explored. Adding a line or two that reveals his internal conflict or concern for Louise could add depth to his character.
  • The dialogue between Chuck and Duke lacks tension. While Chuck's explanation about his past with Walker is informative, it doesn't heighten the stakes of the moment. Consider incorporating more subtext or tension in their exchange to reflect the underlying danger of their situation.
  • The scene ends with Ron's frantic drive to find Patrice, which is a strong visual cue of urgency. However, the transition from the steakhouse to Ron's car could be more impactful. Adding a moment of reflection or a brief internal monologue from Ron could enhance the emotional weight of his actions.
Suggestions
  • Revise Louise's dialogue to include more emotional weight, perhaps by incorporating specific fears or memories that heighten her anxiety about the police presence.
  • Smooth out the transitions between Louise's phone call and the steakhouse by using visual cues or sound design that connects the two locations, such as the sound of a police siren fading in as the scene shifts.
  • Add a moment of vulnerability for Butch, perhaps by having him express concern for Louise's safety, to create a more complex character dynamic.
  • Infuse Chuck and Duke's dialogue with more tension by having Chuck subtly challenge Duke's authority or express doubt about the Klan's plans, creating a sense of conflict.
  • Include a brief internal monologue or visual cue for Ron as he drives to Patrice's house, reflecting his urgency and emotional state, to deepen the audience's connection to his character.



Scene 56 -  Chaos at Patrice's Doorstep
154 EXT. PATRICE'S HOUSE - DAY 154

Louise drives up. She sits there for a long moment staring at
Patrice's House. Louise decides. She gets out of the Car
carrying her purse. She looks like an Avon lady coming to
call. She walks up on Patrice’s porch looking around. She
carefully sets

HER PURSE

down by a pillar on the porch and slowly removes the Bomb.
She opens the mailbox to place the Bomb. She nervously flips
the toggle switch when she sees...

PATRICE

drive up. Flustered, Louise grabs her purse to put the Bomb
back inside while looking at Patrice and friends getting out
of the car.

Patrice talks to Mr. Tompkins, not noticing her. Louise sets
the purse back down on the porch. Did she get the Bomb back
inside the purse? Louise quickly leaves the porch striding to
her car sweating, crazy nervous. Patrice, Mr. Tompkins and
Hakim are conversing entering the House.

LOUISE

briskly moves toward the rear of Patrice’s Car.

RON

whips around the corner seeing Louise through the windshield!
He SCREECHES to a stop!

LOUISE

tries to nonchalantly head back to her vehicle.

RON

jumps out the car yelling!

RON STALLWORTH
CSPD! Stay where you are!

Louise looks back at Ron, increasing her pace.


RON STALLWORTH(CONT'D)
Don’t move!!!

Louise breaks into a run. Ron dashes after her grabbing her
as she opens the Pick Up Truck door.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT’D)
Where’s that Bomb? Did you place it!

The Two fight as she SCREAMS scratching and clawing at Ron.
The Fight moves from the Pick Up Truck as he throws her down
on the grass of a near by lawn, subduing the SCREAMING
Louise.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT’D)
Where is it!!!

Ron reaches back for his handcuffs...

CSPD OFFICER BURNS
Freeze!

Ron looks right and OFFICER BURNS has his Gun pointed at him.
Then looks left finding, OFFICER SWARTZ, both White, 30’s,
has his revolver aimed at him.

CSPD OFFICER BURNS (CONT’D)
Get off her!

Ron slowly rises up off Louise gradually turning to them.
With his hands raised you can see Ron’s shoulder holster and

38 CALIBER SNUB-NOSE

Officer Swartz sees it!

CSPD OFFICER SWARTZ
He’s got a Gun!

RON STALLWORTH
I’m a Cop! I’m a COP!!!

Louise springs up from the lawn! Pleading crazy to cops!

LOUISE
He attacked me! That Nigger attacked
me, he tried to Rape me! Arrest him!

Swartz and Burns look at each other, unsure.

RON STALLWORTH
I’m Undercover!!!

CSPD OFFICER BURNS
Show me your badge!


Ron goes to reach in his pocket but the two Officers make
aggressive moves with their Guns! Ron catches himself! He
doesn’t want to get shot! He decides to just tell them.

RON STALLWORTH
It’s in my pocket.

LOUISE
You gonna believe this Nigger or me?

CSPD OFFICER SWARTZ
Get on the ground!

RON STALLWORTH
I’m a Cop goddammit! She’s got a
Bomb! She’s a Terrorist!

CSPD OFFICER SWARTZ
Get on the ground NOW!!!

Ron slowly lowers down to his knees and the two Cops push him
down face down on the street!

BUTCH

drives up with Duane and Walker in the back seat.

BUTCH
SHIT! Whatda’ fuck, Louise...

Duane sees the purse on the porch.

DUANE
There’s the purse! It’s there!

THE PURSE (DUANE’S POV)

resting by one of the pillars on the porch clearly visible
from the street.

BUTCH
Gimme’ a detonator.

Walker unzips his Bag quickly handing a Detonator to Butch.

RON

yells at the Cops trying to explain!

RON STALLWORTH
THAT WOMAN HAS A BOMB SHE’S TRYING TO
BLOW THAT HOUSE UP!

Patrice hearing the commotion steps out on the porch with her
friends.


In the Car, Duane sees Patrice on the porch.

DUANE
There she is! Do it!

RON STALLWORTH
PATRICE!

Officer Swartz jabs Ron in the Belly with his Nightstick. Ron
doubles over.

PATRICE
Ron???

In the Car, Butch says.

BUTCH
You’re Dead Black Bitch.

Patrice looks down spotting

THE PURSE (PATRICE'S POV)

on the porch. Ron recovering from the blow SCREAMS to her!

RON STALLWORTH
PATRICE GET AWAY FROM THE HOUSE!

LOUISE

finally sees Butch in the car. Butch sees her, nods. She then
sees that they are parked...

NEXT TO PATRICE’S CAR!!!

Patrice runs to Butch, screaming!

LOUISE
NO! BUTCH NO!

Butch pushes the Button!

THE BOMB

is attached to the inside of the wheel well of Patrice’s car.

PATRICE’S CAR

EXPLODES! THEN IT BLOWS UP BUTCH’S CAR NEXT TO IT!!! A double
explosion!!! THE IMPACT BLOWS OUT WINDOWS EVERYWHERE! Louise
is hurled to the street! Glass and car parts flying! Ron and
the Cops are ROCKED by the force of the HUGE BLAST!

THE TWO CARS TOTALLY DESTROYED! ENGULFED IN FLAMES!!!


Louise on her knees on the street, weeping!

RON STILL HANDCUFFED

through the smoke and flames is able to make eye contact with
Patrice, on the steps of her porch. She is shaken but all
right. SIRENS in the distance heading toward them!

155 OMITTED 155

156 OMITTED 156
Genres: ["Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Louise arrives at Patrice's house with a bomb hidden in her purse, intending to plant it in the mailbox. As she prepares, Patrice and her friends show up, causing Louise to panic. Undercover cop Ron confronts her, leading to a struggle as he tries to prevent the bombing. Amidst the chaos, Butch detonates the bomb, resulting in a massive explosion that destroys both Patrice's and Butch's cars. The scene concludes with Louise weeping on the street while Ron and Patrice share a moment of eye contact amidst the smoke and flames.
Strengths
  • Intense tension
  • High-stakes conflict
  • Dramatic climax
  • Strong character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple characters and actions happening simultaneously

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, well-paced, and filled with high stakes, leading to a gripping and shocking climax. The execution is strong, with effective tension-building and a dramatic resolution.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a bomb plot leading to a dramatic confrontation is engaging and well-executed, adding a significant level of tension and conflict to the narrative.

Plot: 9.2

The plot of the scene is crucial, as it involves a major turning point in the story with the detonation of the bomb and the resulting chaos and conflict. It propels the narrative forward and raises the stakes significantly.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a unique situation involving a bomb plot and a police confrontation, adding a fresh twist to the typical suspenseful scenario. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the tension.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their conflicting motivations and actions drive the tension and conflict in the scene. Their reactions to the explosive events reveal their true natures and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 9

Several characters undergo significant changes during the scene, particularly in their reactions to the explosive events and the revelations that unfold.

Internal Goal: 8

Louise's internal goal is to carry out a terrorist attack by planting a bomb. This reflects her desire for revenge or power, as well as her willingness to commit violent acts.

External Goal: 9

Louise's external goal is to successfully plant the bomb without being caught. This reflects the immediate challenge she faces in executing her plan and avoiding detection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is extremely high, with multiple characters at odds, a bomb plot, and a dramatic confrontation that leads to explosive consequences.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with multiple obstacles and conflicts that challenge the characters and keep the audience guessing about the outcome.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in the scene, with lives on the line, a bomb threat, and a dramatic confrontation that could have deadly consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, with major plot developments, character revelations, and escalating tension that set the stage for the next phase of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, keeping the audience on their toes and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the characters' moral values and the consequences of their actions. Louise's willingness to commit violence clashes with Ron's duty as a police officer to protect others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.3

The scene has a significant emotional impact, with fear, anxiety, and shock evoked by the explosive events and the characters' reactions to them.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is intense and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. It adds to the tension and conflict in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and dramatic conflict. The audience is drawn into the suspenseful situation and invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and intense, with a rhythm that builds suspense and keeps the audience engaged. The action flows smoothly from one beat to the next, maintaining the tension throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear action and dialogue sequences that build tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the juxtaposition of Louise's nervousness and Ron's urgency, creating a palpable sense of danger. However, the pacing could be improved; the initial moments where Louise hesitates could be tightened to maintain momentum as the stakes escalate.
  • The dialogue is impactful, particularly Ron's desperate attempts to assert his identity as a cop. However, Louise's line accusing Ron of attacking her feels overly dramatic and could benefit from a more nuanced expression of her panic, which would enhance the realism of the moment.
  • The physical struggle between Ron and Louise is well-executed, but the transition from the struggle to the arrival of the other officers feels abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the tension and clarity of the action.
  • The introduction of the other officers adds complexity to the scene, but their motivations and reactions could be fleshed out more. For instance, their immediate suspicion of Ron could be grounded in previous interactions or established biases, which would deepen the conflict.
  • The climax of the scene, with the explosion, is visually striking and serves as a dramatic turning point. However, the lead-up to the explosion could be enhanced by building more suspense around the bomb itself, perhaps through Ron's internal thoughts or flashbacks to previous encounters with the Klan.
Suggestions
  • Consider tightening the pacing in the opening moments of the scene to maintain tension. For example, reduce the time Louise spends hesitating before she acts.
  • Revise Louise's dialogue to reflect a more realistic panic, perhaps by showing her internal conflict rather than resorting to overt accusations against Ron.
  • Smooth the transition from the struggle to the arrival of the other officers by adding a moment of realization for Ron or a brief internal monologue that highlights his fear of being misunderstood.
  • Develop the officers' characters further by incorporating subtle hints of their biases or previous interactions with Ron, which would add depth to their immediate suspicion of him.
  • Enhance the suspense leading up to the explosion by incorporating Ron's thoughts about the bomb, perhaps reflecting on the stakes involved or recalling previous warnings about the Klan's intentions.



Scene 57 -  Caught in the Act
157 INT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT 157

The place is full of Off Duty Cops and their Girlfriends, a
few Wives but mainly Cops drinking and having a good time.
Ron is in the corner talking with Patrice. They are sharing a
drink looking very intimate. Ron sees something.

RON STALLWORTH
Jezzus Christ.

PATRICE
What?

RON STALLWORTH
Your Boyfriend.

Patrice turns and sees.

PATRICE
Oh My God.
Sgt. Morris nears them with a Beer in his hand.

SGT. MORRIS
Who's da' Soul Sistah, Stallworth?
You been holding out on me.

Patrice stares at him with contempt.

PATRICE
You don't remember me do you?

Sgt. Morris stares at her.

PATRICE (CONT'D)
Kwame Ture.

Sgt. Morris doesn't know who that is.

PATRICE
Stokely Carmichael.


SGT. MORRIS
Oh Yeah, Yeah, you looked good that
night but you look even better now.

PATRICE
How often do you do that to Black
People?

SGT. MORRIS
Do what?

PATRICE
Pull us over for nothing. Harass us.
Put your hands all over a Woman in
the guise of searching her. Call us
everything but A Child of God.

SGT. MORRIS
I don't know what you're talking
about.

RON STALLWORTH
It's like what I told you. He just
likes taking advantage but in the end
he's All Hat and No Cattle.

Sgt. Morris looks around then leans in close to Patrice and
Ron. He speaks softly issuing a deadly threat.

SGT. MORRIS
Let me tell you both something, I've
been keeping you People in line in
this City for years. What I did to
your Girl that night, I can do to any
of you, Anytime, Anyplace. That's my
prerogative. I can even Bust a Cap on
one of you if I feel like it, and
nuthin' will be done about it. Get
it? Wish the both of you got blown up
instead of Good White Folks.

Sgt. Morris raises up.

RON STALLWORTH
Oh I get it.

Ron looks at Patrice.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
You get it, Patrice?

PATRICE
Oh, I totally and completely get it?

Sgt. Morris looks confused with their response.


RON STALLWORTH
Good.

Ron turns toward the Bar and shouts.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
You get it, Chuck?

Behind the Bar, Chuck leans out from the back room waving to
Ron wearing Headphones recording The Conversation.

CHUCK
Oh, We got it! We got it all!

Ron stands removing his Shirt revealing The Wire he is
wearing. Sgt. Morris is in shock.

RON STALLWORTH
You get it, Chief?

Sgt. Trapp appears taking the Beer from Sgt. Morris' hand
turning him around putting Handcuffs on him. Chief Taggert
comes from the back nearing Sgt. Morris. The two lock eyes.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Oh, I really, really get it. You're
under arrest for Police Misconduct,
Sexual Misconduct and Police
Brutality.

Sgt. Trapp and the Chief usher Sgt. Morris, who is babbling
like a Fool out of The Bar reading him his rights.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In a tense dive bar setting, Ron Stallworth and Patrice share a moment until Sgt. Morris confronts them. Patrice bravely challenges Morris about his racist behavior, leading to a threatening exchange. Ron reveals he has been recording the conversation, shocking Morris. Just then, Chief Taggert and Sgt. Trapp arrive to arrest Morris for police misconduct, marking a moment of triumph as justice is served.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Powerful character dynamics
  • Emotional impact
  • Social commentary
Weaknesses
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly impactful, with intense dialogue and a significant turning point in the story. The confrontation is well-executed, showcasing the power dynamics and conflicts between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exposing police misconduct and racial discrimination is central to the scene, driving the conflict and character dynamics. It effectively explores themes of power, abuse, and justice.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with the arrest of Sgt. Morris marking a crucial turning point in the story. It adds depth to the narrative and sets up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of police corruption and racial tension, with authentic dialogue and complex character interactions that feel true to life.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters are well-developed, with strong motivations and conflicts driving their actions. Ron, Patrice, and Sgt. Morris are particularly compelling in their interactions, showcasing complex emotions and relationships.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant changes in this scene, particularly Sgt. Morris, whose arrest marks a dramatic shift in his arc. Ron and Patrice also experience emotional growth and empowerment through the confrontation.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to expose the corrupt behavior of the cop and protect his girlfriend, Patrice, from harm. This reflects Ron's desire to stand up for justice and challenge the systemic racism within the police force.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to gather evidence of police misconduct and bring the corrupt cop to justice. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of confronting corruption within the police force.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with personal, racial, and societal tensions coming to a head. The confrontation between the characters adds depth to the narrative and drives the story forward.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the corrupt cop posing a significant threat to the protagonist and his girlfriend, creating suspense and conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the exposure of police misconduct and abuse of power leading to dramatic consequences. The characters face personal and professional risks, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, setting up new conflicts and resolutions. The arrest of Sgt. Morris has long-term implications for the plot and character dynamics, driving the narrative towards a climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected turn of events and the high level of tension that keeps the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the clash between the protagonist's belief in justice and equality against the corrupt cop's abuse of power and racism. This challenges Ron and Patrice's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.4

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking anger, shock, and defiance in the characters and the audience. The themes of injustice and abuse of power resonate strongly, creating a powerful emotional response.

Dialogue: 9.5

The dialogue is sharp, confrontational, and emotionally charged, adding depth to the character interactions. It effectively conveys the themes of racial discrimination and abuse of power.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, tense interactions, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and a satisfying resolution that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that builds tension and conflict effectively, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension through the confrontation between Patrice and Sgt. Morris, showcasing the power dynamics and racial tensions inherent in their interaction. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety; while the overt threats are impactful, they risk overshadowing the nuanced emotional stakes of the characters involved.
  • Ron’s role as a supportive partner is clear, but his character could be further developed in this scene. His reactions to the confrontation could be more varied to reflect his internal conflict as a Black officer navigating a hostile environment. This would add depth to his character and enhance the stakes of the moment.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat rushed, particularly in the transition from the intimate moment between Ron and Patrice to the confrontation with Sgt. Morris. A slower build-up could heighten the tension and allow the audience to fully absorb the implications of the encounter.
  • The use of humor in Ron's line about Morris being 'All Hat and No Cattle' feels slightly out of place given the gravity of the situation. While humor can be an effective tool in tense moments, it should be carefully balanced to avoid undermining the seriousness of the confrontation.
  • The reveal of Chuck recording the conversation is a strong twist, but it could be foreshadowed earlier in the scene to create a more cohesive narrative. Subtle hints about Chuck's presence or intentions could enhance the payoff of this reveal.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or reactions from Ron during the confrontation to illustrate his emotional state and the weight of the situation. This could help the audience connect more deeply with his character.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene to allow for more tension-building moments. For example, you could include a brief pause after Morris's threats before Ron and Patrice respond, emphasizing the gravity of his words.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more layered. Instead of having Morris explicitly threaten them, consider using more veiled language that implies danger, allowing the audience to feel the tension without it being overtly stated.
  • Integrate more visual cues to enhance the atmosphere of the dive bar. Descriptions of the surroundings, the reactions of other patrons, or the ambiance could help ground the scene and make it feel more immersive.
  • Foreshadow Chuck's recording earlier in the scene, perhaps by showing him preparing the equipment or exchanging a knowing glance with Ron before the confrontation escalates. This would create a more cohesive narrative and enhance the impact of the reveal.



Scene 58 -  Frustration in the Face of Success
158 INT. INTELLIGENCE UNIT - CSPD - DAY 158

Ron, walking taller than usual, steps inside The Unit. Some
of his Colleagues notice and give him a Low-Key Ovation. At
is Desk are Chuck, who is in Great Spirits.

CHUCK
There he is... Man of the Minute.

RON STALLWORTH
... not an Hour?

Ron smiles, gives Fives all around. They all share a laugh.

CHUCK (CONT'D)
That Polaroid Stunt you pulled? When
you threw your Arms around them, I
swear to God I almost Shit myself!

RON STALLWORTH
Told you, Ron was born ready.


CHUCK
Born ready is Ron.

Sgt. Trapp steps out of his Office.

SGT. TRAPP
There's The Crazy Son of a Bitch!!!

Trapp gives Ron a Bear Hug.

SGT. TRAPP (CONT'D)
You did good.

RON STALLWORTH
Sarge. We did good.

Ron and Chuck eyes meet, bonded.

SGT. TRAPP
Chief wants to see you.

Chuck nudges Ron.

CHUCK
Hey... early promotion?

Ron smiles.

159 INT. OFFICE OF THE CHIEF OF POLICE - DAY 159

Ron and Sgt. Trapp sit opposite Chief Taggert.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Again, I can't commend you enough for
what you've achieved. You know there
was not a Single Cross Burning the
entire time you were involved?

RON STALLWORTH
I'm aware.

CHIEF TAGGERT
But... as all good things come to an
end...

Sgt. Trapp shakes his head, resigned.

RON STALLWORTH
What?

CHIEF TAGGERT
Budget Cuts.

RON STALLWORTH
You can do this.


CHIEF TAGGERT
Inflation... I wish I had a choice.
Besides, it looks like there are no
longer any tangible Threats...

RON STALLWORTH
...Sounds like we did too good a job.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Not a Bad Legacy to leave.

Taggert takes a deliberate pause. Then, THE Sucker Punch...

CHIEF TAGGERT (CONT'D)
And I need you to destroy all
Evidence of The Investigation.

RON STALLWORTH
Excuse me?

SGT. TRAPP
Chief, are you sure that's necessary?

CHIEF TAGGERT
We prefer that The Public never knew
about this Investigation.

Ron is heated.

RON STALLWORTH
If they found out...

CHIEF TAGGERT
...Cease all further contact with The
Ku Klux Klan. Effective immediately.
That goes for Chuck too. Ron
Stallworth... The Klansman never
existed here in Colorado Springs.

RON STALLWORTH
This is some Fucked up Bullshit.

CHIEF TAGGERT
Take a week off. Go on vacation with
your friend. We'll hold down The Fort
until you get back. Get you another
assignment.

Ron storms out. Trapp follows.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Thriller"]

Summary Ron Stallworth enters the Intelligence Unit proudly, receiving congratulations from his colleagues, especially Chuck and Sgt. Trapp. However, his celebration is cut short when Chief Taggert informs him that budget cuts require the termination of his investigation into the KKK, along with the destruction of all evidence. Ron is angered by this decision and the Chief's orders to cease contact with the KKK, leading him to storm out of the office with Trapp following, leaving the scene tense and unresolved.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Destruction of evidence may seem abrupt

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict arising from Chief Taggert's decision to destroy all evidence of the investigation, leading to a heated exchange between the characters. The emotional impact is high, and the stakes are raised as Ron faces the dilemma of following orders that go against his principles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the ethical dilemma faced by Ron following Chief Taggert's orders, adding depth to the character dynamics and advancing the plot towards a critical turning point.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in revealing the consequences of Ron's investigation and the conflicting interests within the police department. It drives the narrative forward and sets the stage for further developments in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the police procedural genre by exploring themes of integrity and corruption within law enforcement.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with Chief Taggert's authoritative stance conflicting with Ron's moral compass, leading to a compelling interaction that showcases their conflicting values and motivations.

Character Changes: 8

Ron undergoes a significant internal conflict and moral dilemma in the scene, challenging his beliefs and principles in the face of Chief Taggert's orders. This leads to a moment of character growth and introspection for Ron.

Internal Goal: 8

Ron's internal goal is to maintain his integrity and uphold his values in the face of unethical orders from Chief Taggert.

External Goal: 7

Ron's external goal is to navigate the consequences of his successful investigation and the unexpected orders from Chief Taggert.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, driven by the clash of values and interests between the characters. Chief Taggert's decision creates a moral dilemma for Ron, leading to a high-stakes confrontation that raises the tension significantly.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Chief Taggert presenting a difficult challenge for Ron to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as Ron faces a moral dilemma that could have significant repercussions for his career and personal integrity. Chief Taggert's decision raises the stakes and adds a sense of urgency to the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing a critical decision point for Ron and setting the stage for further developments in the narrative. It advances the plot by revealing the consequences of the investigation and the internal conflicts within the police department.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to Chief Taggert's unexpected orders and Ron's defiant reaction.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between Ron's commitment to justice and Chief Taggert's desire to cover up the investigation for political reasons.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the characters grapple with conflicting emotions and values. Ron's frustration and Chief Taggert's authoritative stance create a palpable sense of tension and resignation that resonates with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the tension and emotional depth of the characters' interactions. It drives the conflict forward and adds layers to the character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between characters and the high stakes of the conflict.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, leading to a dramatic climax with Chief Taggert's orders.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, adhering to industry standards for screenplay formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic confrontation, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional high following Ron's successful undercover operation, showcasing camaraderie among colleagues. However, the transition from the previous scene, which is filled with tension and conflict, to this celebratory atmosphere feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue is engaging and humorous, particularly the exchanges between Ron and Chuck. However, the humor might overshadow the gravity of the situation regarding the investigation's termination. Balancing the light-hearted moments with the serious implications of the Chief's orders could deepen the emotional impact.
  • The Chief's character comes across as somewhat one-dimensional in this scene. While he delivers the news of budget cuts and the need to destroy evidence, his motivations could be explored further. Adding a line or two that reveals his internal conflict about the decision could make him a more complex character.
  • Ron’s reaction to the Chief’s orders is justified, but it could be more visceral. Instead of just stating 'This is some Fucked up Bullshit,' consider incorporating a physical reaction or a more detailed emotional response that reflects his frustration and sense of betrayal.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the emotional stakes could be heightened by including a moment of silence or a pause after the Chief delivers the news. This would allow the weight of the situation to settle in for both Ron and the audience.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection for Ron before he storms out, allowing the audience to see his internal struggle with the Chief's decision.
  • Introduce a visual element that symbolizes the end of the investigation, such as Ron looking at a specific piece of evidence or a photo from the case, to reinforce the emotional weight of the moment.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Ron and the Chief to include more back-and-forth, showcasing Ron's disbelief and the Chief's attempts to justify his decision, which could add tension to the scene.
  • Explore the dynamics between Ron and Trapp further. Perhaps Trapp could express his own frustration or disappointment, creating a stronger bond between the two characters as they face this setback together.
  • Consider ending the scene with a strong visual or auditory cue, such as the sound of a shredding machine or a close-up of Ron's face as he processes the news, to leave a lasting impression on the audience.



Scene 59 -  Undercover Laughter
160 INT. INTELLIGENCE UNIT - CSPD - DAY 160

Ron reflects as he feeds Investigation documents in a
Shredder. The documents shred into pieces as he speaks.


RON STALLWORTH (V.O.)
The way it always works. The Truth is
erased, so no can learn from it.
We’re fed the same BS, it’s all okay,
normal, nothing to see here. While
the World of Hate Lives, Grows and
Multiplies.

Just then. The Undercover Phone Line rings on Ron's desk.

Ron stares at the Phone, still ringing. He looks at The
Documents in his hand, about to feed them into The Shredder.
Ron stops. Throws The Documents in a Folder. Sweeps some
Folders into his Briefcase. Leaves as The Phone still rings.

161 INT. LOBBY - CSPD - DAY 161

Ron is walking fast now, trying to make it out of The
Building with The Evidence but he remembers something.
He stops, turns back.

162 INT. INTELLIGENCE DIVISION - CSPD - DAY 162

Ron sits at his Desk, on The Undercover Phone Line. Chuck and
Sgt. Trapp are behind, both close enough to listen, giggling.

RON STALLWORTH
I'm sorry we didn't get to spend more
One-on-One time together.

INTERCUT RON, CHUCK, AND TRAPP WITH DAVID DUKE:

DAVID DUKE
Well, that tragic event. I had just
met those Fine Brothers in the cause.

RON STALLWORTH
Our Chapter is just shaken to the
core. And poor Louise not only does
she lose her Husband but she's facing
a healthy Prison Sentence.

DAVID DUKE
My God. And then there was that one
Nigger Detective who threatened me.

RON STALLWORTH
Goddamn Coloreds sure know how to
spoil a Celebration.

Chuck snorts. Ron holds in a Belly-Laugh.

DAVID DUKE
You can say that again.


Ron cracks up into his Hand. Sgt. Trapp is wheezing-- his
Face Bright Pink. Chuck is laughing hard in the background.

RON STALLWORTH
Can I ask you something? That Nigger
Detective who gave you a hard time?
Ever get his name?

DAVID DUKE
No, I...

RON STALLWORTH
...Are-uh you sure you don't know who
he is? Are-uh you absolutely sure?

Duke looks at his Phone. Ron puts his hand over The Receiver.

RON STALLWORTH
I can't do it Jackie. I'm not gonna'
kill myself. I can't die at 53.

Ron takes out his SMALL NOTE PAD out revealing a list of
Racial epitaphs he had written down being on this
Investigation. He reads from it to Duke on the phone.

RON STALLWORTH (CONT'D)
Cuz' dat Niggah Coon, Burr Head,
Gator Bait, Spade, Spook, Sambo,
Spear Chuckin', Big Lipped Buckwheat,
Purpled Gummed, Welfare Queen, Tar
Baby, Mississippi Wind Chime...COP is
Ron Stallworth you Redneck, Racist
Peckerwood Small Dick Motherfucker!!!

CLICK. Ron SLAM DUNKS THE RECEIVER LIKE SHAQ.

CLOSE - DAVID DUKE

David Duke's Jaw Drops.

163 INT. INTELLIGENCE DIVISION - CSPD - DAY 163

THE WHOLE OFFICE EXPLODES IN LAUGHTER. COPS ARE ROLLING ON
THE OFFICE FLOOR.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Comedy"]

Summary In the Intelligence Unit of the Colorado Springs Police Department, Ron Stallworth grapples with the erasure of truth while shredding investigation documents. He receives a call from David Duke, hesitates but ultimately answers, engaging in a mocking conversation filled with racist remarks. As he cleverly counters Duke's ignorance, revealing his identity as a cop through a dramatic reading of racial slurs, his colleagues Chuck and Sgt. Trapp listen in, sharing laughter at Duke's expense. The scene blends tension with dark humor, culminating in a collective eruption of laughter as Ron hangs up, highlighting the absurdity of the situation.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension building
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of physical action
  • Limited character development beyond Ron and Duke

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, combining tension, humor, and a sense of defiance against racism. The clever dialogue and the unexpected turn of events make it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using a phone call to confront David Duke with racial epitaphs collected during the investigation is innovative and impactful. It adds depth to the character of Ron Stallworth and challenges the racism of the antagonist.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around Ron's clever confrontation of David Duke, adding a layer of complexity to their dynamic. It moves the story forward by showcasing Ron's intelligence and defiance in the face of racism.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of racism and undercover investigation, with unique character dynamics and dialogue that feel authentic and impactful. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Ron Stallworth and David Duke are well-developed in this scene, with Ron displaying wit and courage, while Duke's reaction reveals his true colors. The interaction between them is engaging and reveals key aspects of their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, it does reveal key aspects of Ron Stallworth's character, showcasing his intelligence, courage, and defiance in the face of racism. Duke's reaction also reinforces his racist beliefs.

Internal Goal: 9

Ron's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and continue his undercover investigation despite facing racist remarks and threats. This reflects his deeper desire to expose and confront racism within the organization he is infiltrating.

External Goal: 8

Ron's external goal is to gather evidence and information to further his investigation into the racist activities of the organization. This goal reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in maintaining his cover and gathering crucial evidence.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily verbal and ideological, with Ron and David Duke engaging in a battle of wits and beliefs. The tension between them adds depth to the confrontation and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Ron facing racist threats and challenges from David Duke. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how Ron will navigate the dangerous situation.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are high, as Ron confronts David Duke with evidence of his racism and challenges his beliefs. The outcome of the phone call could have significant repercussions for both characters, adding tension to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the conflict between Ron and David Duke, setting the stage for further confrontations and developments. It adds complexity to the characters and advances the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the confrontation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between Ron's values of justice and equality against David Duke's racist beliefs and actions. This challenges Ron's worldview and forces him to confront the deep-seated racism within the organization he is investigating.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to amusement to defiance. The clever dialogue and the confrontation between Ron and Duke create a strong emotional impact, especially in the context of the themes of racism and bigotry.

Dialogue: 9.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and confrontational, adding depth to the characters and driving the tension between Ron and David Duke. The use of racial epitaphs as a tool of confrontation is particularly impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional moments, witty dialogue, and dramatic confrontations. The tension and conflict between the characters keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, allowing for moments of humor and drama to unfold naturally. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and irony of Ron's situation as he grapples with the erasure of truth while simultaneously mocking the very hate he is fighting against. The juxtaposition of shredding documents and engaging in a phone call with David Duke creates a powerful visual and thematic contrast.
  • Ron’s voiceover is impactful, setting the tone for the scene and providing insight into his internal conflict. However, the transition from the voiceover to the phone call could be smoother. The abrupt shift might confuse the audience about the timeline and emotional state of Ron.
  • The humor in the scene is well-executed, particularly in the interactions between Ron, Chuck, and Trapp. Their laughter in response to Duke's racist comments highlights the absurdity of the situation. However, the use of racial slurs, even in a mocking context, may risk alienating some viewers. It’s crucial to balance humor with sensitivity to the subject matter.
  • The dialogue is sharp and engaging, but the pacing could be tightened. Some lines, particularly Ron's list of racial epithets, feel a bit lengthy and could be trimmed for impact. The rhythm of the scene should maintain a sense of urgency, especially given the stakes involved.
  • The climax of the scene, where Ron reveals his identity to Duke, is satisfying and serves as a strong payoff for the buildup. However, the transition from the phone call back to the office could benefit from a clearer visual cue or sound effect to signify the shift in focus.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of hesitation or reflection from Ron before he answers the phone, emphasizing the weight of his decision to engage with Duke while shredding the documents.
  • Streamline the list of racial slurs to maintain the scene's pacing. Focus on a few key phrases that encapsulate the absurdity of Duke's beliefs without overwhelming the audience.
  • Enhance the transition between Ron's voiceover and the phone call by incorporating a visual cue, such as a close-up of Ron's face, to signify his emotional shift from reflection to confrontation.
  • Explore the possibility of including a reaction shot from Chuck and Trapp during the phone call to emphasize their involvement and the camaraderie among the characters, reinforcing the comedic aspect of the scene.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more definitive visual or auditory cue that signifies the chaos and laughter in the office, perhaps a wide shot of the entire office erupting in laughter, to encapsulate the moment's absurdity.



Scene 60 -  Crossroads of Identity
164 INT. RON'S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - NIGHT 164

Folders of Evidence sit on The Kitchen Table in a stack. Ron
takes a Mug of Lipton Tea outside...

165 INT. RON'S APARTMENT - BALCONY - NIGHT 165

...where he sips it peacefully. The Polaroid of David Duke,
Fred Wilkens and Ron hugged up as friends.


CLOSE - POLAROID

Ron hugged up, between David Duke and Fred Wilkens.

He then looks behind at The Klan Membership Card shifting in
his hands, his gaze fixated on the words.

Close - Ron Stallworth
KKK Member in Good Standing

Patrice comes up from behind.

2 - SHOT - PATRICE AND RON

PATRICE (O.S.)
Have you Resigned from The KKK?

RON STALLWORTH
Affirmative.

PATRICE
Have you handed in your Resignation
as a Undercover Detective for the
Colorado Springs Police Department.

RON STALLWORTH
Negative. Truth be told I've always
wanted to be a Cop...and I'm still
for The Liberation for My People.

PATRICE
My Conscience won't let me Sleep with
The Enemy.

RON STALLWORTH
Your Enemy, this Cop, saved your
life.

PATRICE
You're absolutely right. And I Thank
you for it.

Patrice kisses Ron Good Bye. WE HEAR The Door close.

He looks in the distance: The Rolling Hills surrounding The
Neighborhood lead towards Pike's Peak, which sits on the
horizon like a King on A Throne.

Then he sees it: Something Burning.

CLOSER-- WE SEE a CROSS being lit, its Flames dancing,
sending embers into The BLACK, Colorado Sky.

CUT TO BLACK.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime","Historical"]

Summary In a reflective moment at his apartment, Ron Stallworth grapples with his past as a KKK member while maintaining his role as an undercover detective. After a poignant conversation with Patrice, who questions his dual identity, they share a goodbye kiss, acknowledging their complex relationship. As Patrice leaves, Ron gazes at a burning cross in the distance, symbolizing the ongoing racial tensions he is committed to fighting.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Symbolism
  • Reflective tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited interaction with other characters
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally impactful, with a strong focus on character development and internal conflict. The tension is palpable, and the reflective tone adds depth to Ron's character arc. The burning cross serves as a powerful visual metaphor, enhancing the scene's impact.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of Ron grappling with his identity, loyalty, and values is compelling and well-developed in the scene. The use of the burning cross as a symbol adds depth and complexity to the narrative, highlighting the ongoing racial tensions and Ron's personal journey.

Plot: 9

The plot progression in the scene is driven by Ron's internal conflict and decision-making process. It adds depth to his character arc and sets up important themes of identity and liberation. The burning cross symbolizes the larger societal issues at play, advancing the narrative effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on themes of identity, justice, and racial tensions, offering a nuanced portrayal of complex characters and moral dilemmas.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses primarily on Ron's character development, showcasing his internal struggle and growth. Patrice's brief interaction adds a layer of conflict and resolution, contributing to the emotional impact of the scene. The characters are well-defined and serve the scene's thematic elements effectively.

Character Changes: 9

Ron undergoes a significant character change in the scene, as he reflects on his identity, values, and loyalty. His decision to resign from the KKK and affirm his commitment to liberation marks a pivotal moment in his character arc, showcasing growth and self-realization.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile his conflicting identities as a KKK member and an undercover detective, while also expressing his desire for liberation and justice for his people.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to maintain his cover as an undercover detective while navigating his personal relationships and beliefs.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Ron grapples with his dual identity and values. The tension between his roles as a cop and a Black man drives the emotional impact of the scene, leading to a significant moment of decision-making.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting beliefs, values, and actions creating tension and uncertainty for the characters and the audience.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, as Ron grapples with his identity, values, and loyalty. His decision to resign from the KKK and affirm his commitment to liberation has personal and societal implications, highlighting the ongoing racial tensions and struggles for justice.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by advancing Ron's character development and setting up important themes and conflicts. His decision to resign from the KKK and affirm his commitment to liberation has significant implications for the narrative, leading to further developments in the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting dynamics between the characters, the moral dilemmas they face, and the unexpected events that challenge their beliefs and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's dual identity and the moral implications of his actions. It challenges his beliefs about justice, loyalty, and personal integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, driven by Ron's internal struggle, reflection, and decision-making. The tension, reflective tone, and powerful visual imagery of the burning cross evoke strong emotions in the audience, making it a memorable and impactful moment.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is reflective and impactful, capturing Ron's internal monologue and his interaction with Patrice effectively. The emotional depth and tension are conveyed through the dialogue, enhancing the scene's themes and character development.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, moral complexity, and the dynamic interactions between the characters that drive the narrative forward.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing for moments of introspection and conflict to unfold naturally and impactfully.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively builds tension and emotional depth through its pacing and narrative progression.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Ron's dual identity as both a police officer and a former KKK member. The juxtaposition of the Polaroid and the KKK membership card serves as a powerful visual metaphor for Ron's internal conflict and the complexities of his character.
  • The dialogue between Ron and Patrice is impactful, highlighting the tension between their personal relationship and the broader societal issues they face. Patrice's line about her conscience not allowing her to sleep with 'the enemy' is particularly strong, emphasizing the moral dilemmas at play.
  • However, the pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed. The transition from the intimate moment between Ron and Patrice to the revelation of the burning cross could benefit from a more gradual build-up to enhance the emotional impact.
  • The visual imagery of the burning cross is a potent symbol of ongoing racial tensions, but it could be more effectively integrated into the narrative. The scene could explore Ron's emotional reaction to the sight of the cross in more depth, allowing the audience to feel the weight of the moment.
  • The ending, while striking, may leave some viewers wanting more context about Ron's future actions. A brief reflection or internal monologue could provide insight into his thoughts as he witnesses the burning cross, reinforcing the stakes of his undercover work.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or reflection after Patrice leaves, allowing Ron to process the weight of their conversation and the implications of his choices.
  • Expand on Ron's emotional response to the burning cross. This could be done through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that captures his feelings of anger, sadness, or determination.
  • Enhance the pacing by allowing for a more gradual transition between the intimate moment with Patrice and the shocking imagery of the burning cross. This could involve lingering on Ron's expressions or thoughts before cutting to the cross.
  • Incorporate a line or two that hints at Ron's future intentions or plans, providing a sense of direction for his character as he grapples with his dual identity and the ongoing fight against racism.
  • Consider using sound design to heighten the tension in the scene. The contrast between the peaceful sipping of tea and the sudden appearance of the burning cross could be underscored by a shift in background noise or music.