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Scene 1 -  Tracking Poison: The DEA vs. The Cartels
Executive Producer: Chris Brancato
Executive Producer: Eric Newman
Executive Producer: Jose Padilha


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"Descenso"
Episode #101

Written by
Chris Brancato

Directed by
Jose Padilha




May 13, 2014



Cold Mountain Productions
Grand Electric
Note to the reader:

The assumption is that you've seen our director Jose Padilha's
"Elite Squad" films and that it has painted a picture for
you of what a modernist and masculine Latin American cinematic
approach feels like: urgent, complex, fast-paced, hard-hitting
and epic. And since you get it, you will also get that the
voice over you are about to read should not be experienced
like anything typical to Hollywood. The level at which the
images will confront you visually while Murphy's voice is in
your head are the full journey that guides you through this
descent from the birth of narco-trafficking into the darkness
of what men will do to WIN.
FADE UP ON:

EXT. ANDES MOUNTAIN RANGE - AERIAL VIEW - TWILIGHT

CAMERA SWOOPS over lush inland jungles, snow-capped volcanoes,
lush valleys, and alpine lakes.

OPERATOR #1 (O.S.)
Centra Spike is a go, we've reached
twenty thousand feet.

A small BEECHCRAFT AIRPLANE flies into FRAME.

OPERATOR #2 (O.S.)
Commencing intercept operations, we
are at zero-four-two-nine.

OPERATOR #1 (O.S.)
Encryption units, stand-by. Let's
crawl into some heads.

EXT. BOGOTA - AERIAL VIEW - NIGHT

The city twinkles, bounded by the eastern cordillera of the
Andes Mountain Range.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Nowadays, the U.S. government can
listen to anything you say. They
know where you are, they know who
you're talking to, they probably
know who you're fucking. Turn on a
cell phone and you're doomed.

A chyron appears: "Bogota, Colombia 1989"

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But in Colombia in 1989, it wasn't
that easy. The only people who had
satellite phones were the filthy
rich. The landowners. The
politicians.

INT. FINCA - BOGOTA - NIGHT

CASH is stacked like cordwood.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Lucky for us, the Narcos were richer
than them all.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 2.

A couple of Makarov machine pistols lay on the table along
with a satellite phone. A HAND comes into FRAME.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Okay, good. He picked up the phone.

WIDENING, to reveal a mustachioed NARCO ("POISON") dialing a
number on his phone. A CONFEDERATE counts the cash.

POISON
(in Spanish)
Hello, Blackie? It's Poison. We're
going out tonight.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Now we owned him. And he didn't
even know it.

INT. BEECHCRAFT - NIGHT

Inside, we SEE a fifty-million-dollar spy plane crammed with
state-of-the-art electronic eavesdropping equipment. Two
MALE OPERATORS monitor calls on laptops.

MURPHY (V.O.)
We had software that identified the
specific voices of our targets.
When they talked, we listened.

AN ONBOARD COMPUTER

Providing instantaneous calculations. We HEAR the chatter
of intercepted phone calls in Spanish.

OPERATOR #1
We got Poison at 1400 to 1700
megahertz, gentlemen.

He scribbles notes on a pad: "POISON."

OPERATOR #2
Ground units, begin trilateration.

INT. VAN ON THE GROUND - NIGHT

Packed with surveillance gear. A TECHNICIAN in the back of
the van (American) checks his laptop.

TECHNICIAN
He's in the Zona Rosa.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 3.

OPERATOR #2 (O.S.)
Can you be more specific? Police
units are standing by.

INT. FINCA - BOGOTA - NIGHT

Poison knocks back an aguardiente.

POISON
(in Spanish)
La Dispensaria. I have a table
outside. Midnight.

INT. BEECHCRAFT - NIGHT

OPERATOR #1
Never mind. Negative on the ground
assault. This fuckwad just told us
where he's going.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Poison didn't know it, but he'd made
himself a date.

Operator #1 removes his headset.

OPERATOR #1
Who do we give this to? DEA?

OPERATOR #2
Yeah. Let's give it to Javier Peña.

OPERATOR #1
Peña's an asshole. I'm gonna give
it to the other guy.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In 1989 Colombia, DEA agents use satellite technology to track a wealthy drug lord named Poison. They triangulate his location and learn that he is planning to meet someone at a restaurant called La Dispensaria at midnight. The agents decide to give the information to another agent instead of Javier Peña.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Tense atmosphere
  • High-stakes conflict
  • Intriguing concept
Weaknesses
  • Character depth
  • Emotional engagement

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the high-stakes world of narco-trafficking, introduces key characters and technology, and creates a tense atmosphere that draws the audience in.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using advanced surveillance technology to track narco-traffickers in Colombia in 1989 is intriguing and sets the stage for a complex and fast-paced narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot introduces key characters, establishes the setting and conflict, and sets up the central mission of tracking down the narco-traffickers.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the drug war in Colombia, with unique insights into surveillance tactics and the cat-and-mouse game between law enforcement and narcos. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are believable.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are introduced effectively through their actions and dialogue, but there is room for further development and depth.

Character Changes: 6

While there are hints of character development, such as the reveal of Poison's unwitting betrayal, more significant changes are needed to drive the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to gather intelligence on the narcos and intercept their communications. This reflects their desire to protect their country and stop the drug trafficking.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to track down and capture the narcos, specifically Poison. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in dealing with the drug trade.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the U.S. government and the narco-traffickers, as well as the internal conflicts within the characters, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the narcos presenting a formidable challenge to the protagonist's mission. The uncertainty of the outcome adds to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the mission to track down the narco-traffickers, the advanced surveillance technology at play, and the potential consequences of failure create a sense of tension and danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the central conflict, introducing key plot points, and creating a sense of urgency.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the surveillance operation, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between law enforcement and criminal activity, highlighting the moral ambiguity of surveillance and espionage in the fight against drug trafficking. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about justice and the means to achieve it.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of suspense and intrigue, but there is room for deeper emotional engagement with the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the intense world of drug trafficking and surveillance.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, with a balance of action and exposition that keeps the audience engaged and builds tension effectively. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its overall effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. It is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and sets up the conflict between the protagonist and the narcos. It adheres to the expected format for a thriller genre.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a strong visual of the Andes Mountains in Colombia, setting the tone for the rest of the script.
  • The use of voiceover by DEA Agent Steve Murphy effectively provides context and background information for the audience.
  • The introduction of the drug lord Poison and the surveillance operation to track his movements creates tension and intrigue.
  • The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and engaging, drawing the audience into the story.
  • The scene effectively sets up the conflict and stakes for the rest of the script.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements to enhance the aerial footage and make it more visually captivating.
  • Explore ways to further develop the characters of the DEA operators and their dynamics to add depth to the scene.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting and atmosphere of the scene.
  • Ensure that the transition between different locations and characters is smooth and seamless to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • Continue to build suspense and tension throughout the script to keep the audience engaged and invested in the story.



Scene 2 -  Takedown at La Dispensaria
INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - BOGOTA - NIGHT

STEVE MURPHY, 30s, stands amidst domestic chaos: a baby cries
loudly, the phone rings off the hook. He has the physicality
and charm of a West Virginia upbringing.

MURPHY (V.O.)
By the "other guy," he meant me. My
name is Steve Murphy. I'm DEA and
as you can see, I'm deeply embedded
in Colombia.

He receives into his arms a beautiful, crying COLOMBIAN BABY,
handed to him by CONNIE MURPHY, 30s.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 4.

CONNIE
Honey, can you change her?

Connie is effortlessly sexy, a former ER nurse. She moves
off to answer the phone. Murphy places the baby on the
changing table as though handling a live hand grenade.

CONNIE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
It's for you!

He grabs the phone, cradles it under his neck.

MURPHY
Hello?
(listens)
Okay. Hold on. Gimme a sec.

He puts the baby in her crib, and grabs a pen and scribbles
"Poison" and "La Dispensaria, 12AM" on a notepad.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Got it, thanks.

The baby starts to cry.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Hold on, sweetpea. Daddy's coming.

He dials another number.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
(on phone)
Poison will be at La Dispensaria at
around midnight with his crew.

Murphy grabs a new diaper from a stack.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I would've loved to go after Poison
myself, but DEA is restricted in a
foreign country.

Murphy fumbles some talcum into the diaper. He lifts the
BABY'S TINY BOTTOM to put it on.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
We're not supposed to do ground
operations. Our role's to "inform"
and "advise." So I did just what
you would do. I called the cops.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 5.

EXT. CAFE - BOGOTA - NIGHT

HORATIO CARILLO, 30s, a well-dressed Colombian with a cheery
demeanor, talks on a clunky cell phone.

CARILLO
La Dispensaria. Copy that.

He clicks off, smiles at his dinner companion.

CARILLO (CONT'D)
Guess who that was? Your partner.

We see JAVIER PEÑA, 30s, Mexican-American, enjoying his
scotch. He's casual in a collared shirt and jeans.

CARILLO (CONT'D)
(rising)
Gotta go.

PEÑA
Gonna stick me with the bill, huh?

CARILLO
I have to get the gift your partner
just delivered.

PEÑA
No kidding. Who?

CARILLO
Poison.

He starts off, turns back.

CARILLO (CONT'D)
Does your buddy know how I'm gonna
package it?

PEÑA
Oh yeah. He's no fool. I'll get
the bill, you cheap sonofabitch.

Carillo turns and walks toward CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Colonel Carillo was one of the leaders
of "Search Bloc," a unit we helped
create to capture the bad guys.
(MORE)
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 6.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But at heart he was like any Colombian
police officer. He didn't have a
lot of love for the Narcos.

CUT TO:

CHA-CHUCK. A SHOTGUN is cocked.

CARILLO
(in Spanish)
We're on, fellas.

INT. SPECIAL OPS VAN - NIGHT

Carillo addresses six MEN IN BODY ARMOR. The van's an armory:
Browning rifles, H&K small machine guns, etc. The men pull
on ski masks.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Midnight in the Zona Rosa. Party
time.

EXT. LA DISPENSARIA - NIGHT

The Zona Rosa is alive with music, revelers, excitement.
SEVEN TOUGH MEN are seated at an outdoor table. Poison is
packing his Makarov in a fancy leather holster.

POISON
(in Spanish)
Come join us, beautiful!

He's propositioning a DOE-EYED COLOMBIAN GIRL walking down
the street. His men make catcalls.

ANGLE - THE DOE-EYED COLOMBIAN GIRL

She smiles, pretends she's interested. She knows better
than to ignore these men.

WIDE SHOT - LA DISPENSARIA

The restaurant. The beautiful girl. The dealers.

SURE SHOT
(in Spanish)
Hey, Beauty Queen! We're ugly but
we're rich!

BAM! His head blows off. Everyone goes for their weapons.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 7.

CAMERA WHIP PANS

The Men in Body Armor advance, guns blazing as we--

FREEZE FRAME

FADE TO BLACK.

A long beat. Dead silence.

FADE UP ON:

EXT. LA DISPENSARIA - SUNRISE

A SHUTTER clicks, a photo taken. Bodies lay splayed across
the outdoor cafe. A bloodbath.

MURPHY (O.S.)
Javi, we hit a home run.

REVERSING, to find Steve Murphy with a camera and a phone.
He steps into a cordoned crime scene, with EIGHT CORPSES and
a dozen COLOMBIAN NATIONAL POLICE.

MURPHY (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Got "Poison." We got "Bad Mouth."
We got "Blackie." Three or four of
them I can't ID.

Colonel Carillo squats over one of the corpses. He turns
his face TOWARDS CAMERA.

CARILLO
(in Spanish)
Murphy, you won't believe this.

He gestures to a dead body. Face half blown off.

MURPHY
Javier, we got a bonus. "Sure Shot"
has met his maker.
(another look)
At least I think it's "Sure Shot."

INTERCUT WITH:

CLOSE - ON JAVIER PEÑA

PEÑA
No shit! He was there?! Great.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 8.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary DEA agent Steve Murphy informs the Colombian police about Poison's whereabouts, leading to a shootout at La Dispensaria. Poison and several of his men are killed, and Murphy documents the aftermath.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
  • Some clichéd dialogue in certain moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is well-written, engaging, and effectively conveys the tension and danger of the situation. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its fast-paced action and dramatic developments.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a covert operation to capture a group of Narcos at a nightclub is compelling and executed with precision. It sets the stage for intense conflict and high stakes.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the mission to apprehend the Narcos, leading to a climactic showdown at the nightclub. It effectively builds tension and suspense throughout the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the crime genre by exploring the complexities of law enforcement operations in a foreign country, with authentic character interactions and realistic dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially Murphy, Carillo, and Peña, are well-defined and play crucial roles in the unfolding events. Their interactions and decisions drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character arcs in this scene, the characters' actions and decisions reveal more about their personalities and motivations, setting the stage for potential development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to successfully carry out a covert operation to capture criminals while navigating the restrictions of his role as a DEA agent in a foreign country.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to coordinate with local law enforcement to capture a criminal named Poison and his crew at La Dispensaria.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-faceted, involving the clash between law enforcement and the Narcos, as well as the risks and challenges of the operation. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple challenges and obstacles in achieving his goals, adding complexity and unpredictability to the narrative.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in the scene, as law enforcement officers risk their lives to take down a dangerous criminal group. The outcome of the operation could have far-reaching consequences for the characters and the overall story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by resolving the immediate conflict with the Narcos and setting the stage for new developments and challenges. It propels the narrative towards the next phase of the story.

Unpredictability: 8

The scene is unpredictable due to unexpected plot twists, character decisions, and the high-risk nature of the operation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's adherence to rules and regulations as a DEA agent versus his desire to take direct action in capturing criminals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions from tension and suspense to shock and satisfaction. The high stakes and dramatic events create a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and realistic, reflecting the urgency and high-stakes nature of the operation. It effectively conveys the characters' personalities and motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced action, high stakes, and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, maintaining a sense of urgency and momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a crime drama, effectively building tension and suspense through its pacing and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a chaotic domestic setting, which may distract from the main plot point of Poison's whereabouts being discovered.
  • The dialogue between Murphy and Connie feels a bit forced and cliched, lacking depth and authenticity.
  • The transition from Murphy receiving the phone call to him changing the baby's diaper feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The voiceover narration by Murphy is informative but could be more engaging and emotionally resonant.
  • The introduction of Carillo and Peña at the cafe lacks tension and urgency, missing an opportunity to build suspense.
  • The action sequence at La Dispensaria is rushed and lacks proper buildup, making the shootout feel sudden and disconnected from the rest of the scene.
  • The freeze frame at the climax of the shootout feels cliched and interrupts the flow of the scene.
  • The transition from the shootout to the aftermath at sunrise is jarring and could be smoother to maintain continuity.
  • The dialogue between Murphy and Carillo at the crime scene feels stilted and lacks natural flow.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting and atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a more seamless flow from the phone call to the shootout at La Dispensaria.
  • Focus on developing more authentic and nuanced interactions between characters, especially in moments of high tension.
  • Enhance the pacing of the action sequence by building suspense and escalating the stakes gradually.
  • Avoid cliched narrative devices like freeze frames and focus on creating a more dynamic and engaging visual storytelling approach.
  • Work on integrating the voiceover narration more organically into the scene to enhance the storytelling without disrupting the momentum.
  • Revise the dialogue to be more natural and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.



Scene 3 -  The Morality of War
INT. UNITED STATES EMBASSY - BOGOTA - DAY

Peña stands in the DEA offices of the Embassy, beside a "tree
chart" of numerous traffickers and sicarios (hit men).

MURPHY (V.O.)
Peña had wanted that motherfucker
off the tree for months.

PEÑA
I'm so happy I'll even forgive those
assholes at Centra Spike for giving
the intel to you.

MURPHY (O.S.)
Hell, I'm prettier than you are.

Peña removes a MUGSHOT of Juan Corrales Botero, aka "Sure
Shot," from the trafficker tree. He thinks of something,
stops yanking pictures--

PEÑA
Any humans involved?

MURPHY
Yeah. A bystander caught a stray.

ON MURPHY, walking toward a sprawled body.

CLOSE - ON THE DOE-EYED COLOMBIAN GIRL.

She lays face up, eyes glassy in death, a clean bullet hole
in her temple. Murphy's VOICE carries over--

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I wouldn't blame you if you held me
responsible for this bloodbath.

CLICK. REVERSING, to find MURPHY, peering through his camera.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Yeah, I pushed the buttons. But
don't call me a bad guy just yet.

He lowers the camera as we --

FREEZE FRAME: MURPHY

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Good and bad are relative concepts.

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 9.

PRESIDENT NIXON, giving a speech. (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

PRESIDENT NIXON
The more you stay in this kind of
job, the more you realize that a
public figure, a major public figure,
is a lonely man.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Take Richard Nixon, for instance.
People forget, but 47 million
Americans voted for Nixon. We thought
he was one of the good guys.

GENERAL PINOCHET, the dictator of Chile. (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

GENERAL PINOCHET
The rich people are those who create
wealth, and you have to treat them
well so they continue to give wealth.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And Nixon thought Chilean General
Augusto Pinochet was a good guy `cause
he hated the commies. So we helped
Pinochet seize power.

CHILEAN DEATH SQUADS, slaughter and civilian protest, the
March of the Disappeared. (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Then Pinochet turned around and killed
thousands of people. Maybe not such
a good guy after all.

EXT. JUNGLE - CHILE - DAY

Thick, forested northern Chile.

MURPHY (V.O.)
But sometimes bad guys do good things.
To kiss Nixon's ass, Pinochet went
after the cocaine labs.

EXT. DEEP JUNGLE LAB - CHILE - DAY

A tented jungle lab with white-smocked WORKERS.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Nobody knows this, but back in `73
Chile was on its way to being the
(MORE)
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 10.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
world's biggest cocaine processing
and exporting center. They had
jungles to hide the labs and miles
of unpatrolled coastline to send the
product north.

CUT TO:

CHILEAN SOLDIERS crash through the forest.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But Pinochet spoiled the party. He
shut down 33 labs and arrested 346
drug dealers.

The SOLDIERS invade the lab. DRUG WORKERS quickly give
themselves up, lacing hands behind their heads. One of them
is MATEO MORENO, a low-level manager.

EXT. DEEP JUNGLE LAB - CHILE - LATER

A bunch of DEALERS, hands tied behind them, are lined up in
front of a firing squad.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And then-- being Pinochet-- he had
them all killed.

Moreno is scared shitless. His body quivers.

CHILEAN SOLDIER
(in Spanish)
Ready. Aim. Fire.

A FUSILLADE OF GUNFIRE. The dealers collapse.

EXT. JUNGLE - CHILE - LATER

SOLDIERS toss the bodies in a mass grave.

MURPHY (V.O.)
They say when a nuclear holocaust
destroys the world, only the
cockroaches will survive.

CLOSE - ON A MASS GRAVE

Beneath the corpses, there is movement. A solitary man fights
his way out of the grave, frantically pushing aside the bodies
to emerge, covered in blood.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 11.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I guess they were right.

CLOSE - MATEO MORENO, wild-eyed.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The bullets missed Mateo Moreno, aka
"Cockroach," and he was smart enough
to play dead. He wasn't killed on
that day...

INT. SHACK - CHILE - DAY

Cockroach bursts through the door.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Instead, he won the damn lottery.

His WIFE approaches, horrified.

COCKROACH
Start packing. We have to leave the
country. Pinochet wants to kill me.

COCKROACH'S WIFE
You're a communist?!

COCKROACH
No, I'm a fucking drug dealer!

CLOSE: ON A DRAWER

Cockroach slides it open to reveal a KILO OF COKE.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cockroach had been stealing from his
bosses for months. Now he was left
alone in the world with the perfect
product. A product whose offer
creates its own demand.

CUT TO:

OVERHEAD SHOT - A MAZE

A RAT scurries through the maze at lightning speed.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Back then, we were just finding out
about the effects of cocaine on the
human brain. We didn't know much,
but we knew it was powerful shit.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 12.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a DEA office, an agent faces the ethical dilemma of a bystander's death during an operation. Through historical footage, the scene explores the complexities of good and evil, blurring the lines between right and wrong.
Strengths
  • Complex characters
  • Historical context
  • Reflective dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Some scenes may be too informative

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines historical context with personal narratives, creating a thought-provoking and engaging storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the impact of political decisions on individuals, as well as the theme of survival and adaptation, is well-developed and thought-provoking.

Plot: 7

The plot moves smoothly, intertwining historical events with personal stories to create a compelling narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the drug trade narrative by exploring the moral complexities of the characters and their actions. The authenticity of the dialogue and situations adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their actions reflect the complexities of their motivations and circumstances.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' actions and decisions reflect their evolving perspectives.

Internal Goal: 8

Peña's internal goal is to take down the trafficker 'Sure Shot' and seek justice for the innocent victims caught in the crossfire of the drug war. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and redemption for his past mistakes.

External Goal: 7

Peña's external goal is to dismantle the drug trafficking network and prevent further violence and bloodshed. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in his role as a DEA agent.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict, both internal and external, driving the characters' actions and decisions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values, moral dilemmas, and external challenges that test the protagonist's resolve. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for the characters, as they navigate a dangerous world filled with political intrigue and personal risks.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by providing crucial information about the characters' motivations and the historical context.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting perspectives, moral conflicts, and unexpected twists in the characters' actions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how events will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the moral ambiguity of good and bad, as seen in the comparison between Nixon, Pinochet, and the drug dealers. This challenges Peña's beliefs about justice and the nature of power.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of sadness and reflection, particularly through the portrayal of the consequences of political decisions on individuals.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is informative and reflective, providing insight into the characters' thoughts and the historical context.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense dialogue, moral dilemmas, and historical context. The audience is drawn into the complex world of drug trafficking and law enforcement.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a mix of fast-paced action and introspective moments. The rhythm of the dialogue and voiceovers adds to the overall impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and visual descriptions. The use of voiceovers and archival footage enhances the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a non-linear structure, blending present-day events with archival footage to provide context and depth to the narrative. The pacing and rhythm are effective in building tension.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Peña removing a mugshot to Murphy walking towards a dead body, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Peña and Murphy feels a bit forced and unnatural, lacking in subtlety and depth.
  • The freeze frame of Murphy with the voiceover about good and bad being relative concepts feels cliché and heavy-handed, detracting from the overall impact of the scene.
  • The archival footage and voiceover narration about Nixon, Pinochet, and the Chilean death squads, while informative, disrupt the flow of the scene and may be too tangential to the main storyline.
  • The sudden shift to Mateo Moreno, aka 'Cockroach,' escaping a mass execution in Chile feels disconnected from the previous events and could be better integrated into the narrative.
  • The introduction of the rat in the maze and the mention of cocaine's effects on the human brain seem out of place and do not contribute significantly to the scene's development.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a smoother transition between Peña removing the mugshot and Murphy's interaction with the dead body.
  • Focus on developing more natural and nuanced dialogue between Peña and Murphy to enhance the authenticity of their interaction.
  • Reconsider the use of the freeze frame and voiceover about good and bad being relative concepts to avoid heavy-handedness and cliché.
  • Integrate the archival footage and voiceover about Nixon, Pinochet, and the Chilean death squads more seamlessly into the scene to maintain the narrative flow.
  • Find a more organic way to introduce Mateo Moreno, aka 'Cockroach,' and his backstory to ensure it aligns with the overall storyline and theme of the screenplay.
  • Evaluate the relevance of the rat in the maze and the discussion of cocaine's effects on the human brain to determine if they add value to the scene or if they can be omitted or integrated more effectively.



Scene 4 -  The Dark World of Drug Smuggling
INT. LABORATORY - STANFORD UNIVERSITY - DAY

The rat reaches the end of the maze and hits a lever.

WIDER, to reveal a PROFESSOR instructing a STUDENT.

PROFESSOR
Make sure the retractable levers are
extended into the box.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cocaine hijacks pleasure centers in
the brain. A rat will choose cocaine
over food and water.

PROFESSOR
Record locomotor activity after the
subject self-administers.

CLOSE - ON THE RAT

It hits the LEVER again and again.

MURPHY (V.O.)
It will choose cocaine over sleep,
over sex, over life itself.

WIDER, as the Professor walks out--

PROFESSOR
Make sure you refill the Merck
containers as needed. Let's see if
self-administration leads to
starvation.

He exits. The Student examines the vial of flaky-pink Merck
cocaine, pours some on the counter.

MURPHY (V.O.)
The human brain isn't quite the same
as a rodent's...

The Student SNORTS a line of coke.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Unless we're talking about cocaine.

EXT. BORDER - PERU/COLOMBIA - DAY

Cockroach's Renault pulls to a checkpoint. His wife sits in
the passenger seat.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 13.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cockroach knew he had the perfect
product. He just needed to smuggle
it to the right markets. And the
best smugglers in the world were in
Colombia.

The sign above the border patrol says: "COLOMBIA."

CUT TO:

A QUARTER HORSE, doing "dainty-steps" in a ring.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Like Goldilocks, he had three options.
And pay attention, because all three
are important to this story.

EXT. HORSE RIDING RING - MEDELLÍN - DAY

A horse show. FABIO OCHOA rides a "dainty-step" quarter
horse as its hooves blur with mincing, cartoon-like speed.

MURPHY (V.O.)
The Ochoa Brothers: Jorge, Juan David,
and that's Fabio. The typical
Colombian smuggling family: they
made a fortune from contraband.

Brothers JUAN DAVID and JORGE, wearing Polo shirts next to
their beautiful GIRLFRIENDS, applaud.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
They were smart and handsome, but
Cockroach felt the high life had
made them soft...

The horse is so steady that Fabio balances a teacup on his
head without dropping it.

CUT TO:

CLOSE - JOSE RODRIGUEZ GACHA

Steps into FRAME, wearing a sombrero and holding a carbine.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
There was Jose Rodriguez Gacha -
nicknamed "The Mexican" for his love
of tequila and sombreros. He
dominated the emerald smuggling
routes.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 14.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, a rat in a laboratory maze self-administers cocaine while a professor and student observe. The student eventually snorts cocaine. The scene transitions to a border checkpoint in Peru/Colombia and a horse riding ring in Medellín, introducing characters involved in smuggling. The conflict arises from the addictive properties of cocaine and the potential conflicts related to smuggling. The tone is intense and suspenseful, highlighting the dangerous world of drug smuggling.
Strengths
  • Innovative concept
  • Effective world-building
  • Engaging introduction of key characters
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Limited character interaction
  • Focus on exposition over dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets the tone for the series by exploring the dark and intense world of drug trafficking while providing informative insights into the effects of cocaine addiction.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using a rat experiment to illustrate the addictive nature of cocaine is innovative and engaging, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 7

The plot introduces key characters and sets up the conflict in the story, but the focus on the rat experiment slightly detracts from the overall plot progression.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on addiction and criminal activities by intertwining scientific experiments with drug smuggling. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The introduction of key characters like Cockroach, the Ochoa Brothers, and Jose Rodriguez Gacha adds depth to the story and sets up potential conflicts and alliances.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character development or change within the scene, as the focus is more on introducing characters and establishing the setting.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to understand the effects of cocaine on the brain and behavior, reflecting a deeper desire to uncover the complexities of human psychology and addiction.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to conduct experiments on rats with cocaine to observe their behavior and reactions, reflecting the immediate challenge of conducting scientific research and gathering data.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between different drug trafficking groups and the addictive nature of cocaine create tension and set the stage for future confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with ethical dilemmas and criminal activities posing challenges for the protagonist, creating uncertainty and conflict.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes of the drug trade and the addictive nature of cocaine are subtly hinted at, setting up the dangerous and intense world the characters inhabit.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key players, conflicts, and themes that will drive the narrative in future episodes.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected juxtaposition of academic research and criminal activities, creating a sense of tension and intrigue.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethical implications of conducting experiments with addictive substances on animals. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the boundaries of scientific research and the potential harm it may cause.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene lacks emotional depth due to its focus on exposition and setting up the narrative, rather than character development or emotional arcs.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves mainly as a voiceover narration to provide context and information, lacking in-depth character interactions or emotional depth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of scientific intrigue and criminal suspense, keeping the audience hooked with its unique premise and character dynamics.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged with a well-balanced rhythm of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively transitions between different locations and characters, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from a laboratory setting at Stanford University to a border checkpoint in Peru/Colombia and a horse riding ring in Medellín, which may confuse the audience and disrupt the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue in the laboratory scene feels a bit heavy-handed and expository, with the professor and student discussing cocaine addiction in a very direct and unnatural way.
  • The visual descriptions in the scene are lacking, making it difficult for the audience to fully visualize the setting and characters.
  • The voiceover by Murphy is informative but could be more seamlessly integrated into the scene to enhance the storytelling.
  • The introduction of Cockroach and the Ochoa Brothers feels rushed and disconnected from the previous scenes, making it challenging for the audience to understand the relevance of these new characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a smoother transition between the laboratory setting and the introduction of new characters in Colombia.
  • Focus on creating more natural and engaging dialogue between the professor and student to convey information about cocaine addiction in a more subtle way.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to paint a clearer picture of the laboratory setting, the characters, and their actions.
  • Integrate Murphy's voiceover more organically into the scene by using it to enhance the mood and atmosphere rather than simply providing exposition.
  • Provide more context for the introduction of Cockroach and the Ochoa Brothers to help the audience understand their significance in the larger narrative.



Scene 5 -  The Rise of Pablo Escobar
INT. LUXURY FINCA - MEDELLÍN - NIGHT

REVERSING, to find a sophisticated cocktail party.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Emeralds were a pretty rough trade
even by Colombian standards. If you
make it to the top, it means you've
killed your enemies and...

GACHA'S PARTNER
Hey partner, what are you doing here?

Gacha and two GUNMEN mow down the party guests with their
machine guns. Smokey, horrible carnage.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cockroach worried that the emerald
trade had made Gacha too hard...

Gacha and his men exit the party.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
So he zeroed in on his third option.
A man who Cockroach knew would be
"just right..."

TIGHT: ON PABLO ESCOBAR

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Yeah. You guessed it. Pablo Escobar.
The man who would change my life
forever.

Pablo calmly pops a Chiclet in his mouth. He's driving in
the front seat of a jeep.

CAMERA PULLING BACK

To reveal his cousin GUSTAVO, late 20s, as passenger.

CAMERA RISES HIGHER

There's a FOUR-AXLE TRUCK driving behind the jeep.

RISING STILL HIGHER - OVERHEAD SHOT

Thirty TRUCKS behind the jeep, passing through FRAME.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 15.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Pablo was making a killing in the
smuggling business. Stolen goods,
cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, you
name it. If there was a market,
Pablo would supply it.

CUT TO:

OVER THE SHOULDER: A COP

A police checkpoint. Pablo pulls to a stop. There are ten
heavily armed DAS AGENTS.

MURPHY (V.O.)
At that time, Pablo owned every
policeman in Medellín. But DAS was
Colombia's version of the FBI. They
didn't play by the same rules.

A DAS AGENT steps up to the jeep.

PABLO
Good day.

DAS AGENT
Are you Pablo Escobar?

PABLO
Yes. Where's Felipo?

DAS AGENT
He's been arrested.

DAS Agent gestures. Felipo's being dragged to an unmarked
sedan in handcuffs. He's been beaten to a pulp.

PABLO
Hey, this is bullshit, man. Felipo
works for me.

DAS AGENT
He used to work for you. Now he's
going to jail.

GUSTAVO
Do you know who you're talking to?

DAS AGENT
Shut the fuck up.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 16.

PABLO
Please, Gustavo. Show respect. Let
Mr. Herrera speak.

DAS AGENT
How do you know my name?

PABLO
(pointing)
You're Colonel Jose Luis Herrera.
That's Nacho Ibarra. There's Garcia.
Lopez. Pinella. Esperanza.

The DAS AGENTS are stunned. How does he know their names?

HERRERA
Open the fucking trucks.

CUT TO:

A TRUCK PANEL DOOR ROLLS OPEN.

Pablo and Herrera stand by the truck. Other DAS AGENTS
inspect the contents: crates of Johnny Walker, Marlboros,
television sets and toys.

HERRERA
Who the fuck do you think you are?
You don't even bother to hide your
contraband?

PABLO
I pay for the privilege.

NACHO IBARRA peers down at Pablo from inside the truck.

IBARRA
Where are your import papers? You
need the papers for these TV sets.

PABLO
Take the television.

IBARRA
Sorry, Escobar. We're not Medellín
cops making fifty pesos a week.

PABLO
It's not for you. It's for Carlito.
Your son. Wouldn't he like a TV in
his room?
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 17.

Ibarra is shocked. But Pablo's turned his attention to
another agent on the truck.

PABLO (CONT'D)
Hey, Pinella. Your daughter just
got her driver's license, right?
Pioneer makes a nice car stereo.

He turns to yet another guy.

PABLO (CONT'D)
Lopez. Your wife is beautiful.
What's she doing with a guy like
you? I think she deserves some
jewelry. Should I get a couple of
my guys to drop it off?

The DAS Agents, at first so tough and sure of themselves,
are now soft as jello.

PABLO (CONT'D)
(calmly)
Gentlemen, let me tell you who I am.
I am Pablo Fucking Escobar. My eyes
are everywhere. You can't do a
goddamn thing in Antioquia without
me knowing about it. I'm going to
be President of Colombia one day.

The DAS Agents are transfixed.

PABLO (CONT'D)
I make deals for a living. You can
accept my deal or accept the
consequences for not taking it.

From each of the thirty truck cabs, DRIVERS emerge with tire
irons, guns, clubs. One of them we recognize as--

POISON

AR-15 assault rifle propped on his arm.

PABLO

pulls a wad of cash.

PABLO (CONT'D)
Silver or lead. Your choice. Now
why don't we negotiate a bit and we
can all leave happy. Deal?
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 18.

Over this, the sounds of merriment...

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Pablo Escobar and his associates arrive at a luxury finca in Medellín, mowing down guests with machine guns. Escobar establishes himself as the new leader of the drug cartel, showcasing his ruthlessness and intelligence. He meets with police officers at a checkpoint, bribing them to allow his contraband to pass through. Escobar demonstrates his power by knowing personal details of the officers and offering bribes, ultimately successfully transporting his contraband.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • High-stakes conflict
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of emotional depth in some interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and effectively sets up the conflict and power dynamics that will drive the narrative forward. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, showcasing the complex relationships between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of showcasing Pablo Escobar's control over law enforcement and his ruthless tactics in the drug trade is compelling and sets the stage for the larger story arc. The scene effectively establishes the central conflict and power struggles that will drive the plot.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the introduction of key characters, the establishment of power dynamics, and the escalation of tension. The scene sets up future conflicts and developments that will drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the criminal underworld, focusing on the protagonist's manipulation of power dynamics and moral ambiguity. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Pablo Escobar is portrayed as a cunning and manipulative figure, while the DAS agents are shown to be both intimidated and conflicted in their dealings with him.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions between Pablo Escobar and the DAS agents reveal the shifting power dynamics and the impact of fear and intimidation on their decisions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the dangerous world of crime and establish his power and influence. This reflects his deeper desire for control and respect in a ruthless environment.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to assert his dominance and negotiate with the DAS agents to avoid consequences for his illegal activities. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining his criminal empire and avoiding law enforcement.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving power struggles, intimidation tactics, and high-stakes negotiations. The tension between Pablo Escobar and the DAS agents drives the scene forward and sets up future confrontations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the DAS agents posing a significant threat to the protagonist's criminal activities. The audience is kept in suspense about the outcome of the negotiation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes in the scene are high, with the characters facing life-threatening situations, power struggles, and moral dilemmas. The consequences of their actions have far-reaching implications, adding to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key characters, establishing power dynamics, and setting up future conflicts and developments. It lays the groundwork for the larger narrative arc and builds anticipation for what is to come.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the negotiation between the protagonist and the DAS agents. The shifting power dynamics and moral ambiguity add to the unpredictability.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is evident in the protagonist's manipulation of power dynamics and moral ambiguity. It challenges traditional values of law and order, highlighting the protagonist's willingness to use any means necessary to achieve his goals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including tension, fear, and intrigue. The power dynamics and manipulation tactics used by Pablo Escobar create a sense of unease and uncertainty, drawing the audience into the high-stakes world of the drug trade.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the power dynamics and manipulation at play in the scene. Pablo Escobar's dialogue is particularly effective in showcasing his control and intimidation tactics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense action, suspenseful dialogue, and high stakes. The conflict between the protagonist and the DAS agents keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension leading to a climactic confrontation. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences contributes to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, with well-defined action and dialogue sequences. It follows the expected format for a crime drama genre.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between the protagonist and the DAS agents. It follows the expected format for a crime drama genre.


Critique
  • The scene opens with a violent and chaotic cocktail party where Gacha and his gunmen mow down the guests with machine guns. The imagery of the carnage is intense and graphic, which may be too explicit for some audiences.
  • The voiceover by Murphy provides some context and background information, but it feels a bit disconnected from the action on screen. The transition between the voiceover and the visuals could be smoother to enhance the storytelling.
  • The introduction of Pablo Escobar is a pivotal moment in the scene, but the buildup to his appearance could be more suspenseful and impactful. The tension leading up to his entrance could be heightened to create a more dramatic effect.
  • The interaction between Pablo and the DAS agents is intriguing, showcasing his power and influence. However, some of the dialogue feels a bit forced and could be more subtly written to convey Pablo's authority without being overly explicit.
  • The scene effectively sets up the dynamic between Pablo Escobar and the authorities, as well as his approach to negotiation and control. However, there could be more nuance in the portrayal of Pablo's character to add depth and complexity.
Suggestions
  • Consider toning down the graphic violence in the cocktail party scene to make it more palatable for a wider audience.
  • Work on integrating the voiceover narration more seamlessly with the visuals to enhance the storytelling flow.
  • Enhance the buildup to Pablo Escobar's entrance to create a more suspenseful and impactful moment.
  • Refine the dialogue between Pablo and the DAS agents to make it more subtle and nuanced, while still conveying his power and influence.
  • Add more layers to Pablo's character to make him a more complex and compelling figure in the scene.



Scene 6 -  Cocaine Business Proposal and DEA Arrest
INT. BAR - MEDELLÍN - NIGHT

Pablo and Gustavo are drinking beer in a raucous bar filled
with pretty girls. They're drunk and happy.

PABLO
It's an interesting proposal.

REVERSING, we see Cockroach. His leather bag rests on the
table with the KILO OF COKE clearly visible.

COCKROACH
If you're with me, I can take you to
Peru. Show you where I buy the paste.
You smuggle it here, I teach you how
to turn it into powder. Then we
sell it all over Colombia.

GUSTAVO
How much does it cost?

COCKROACH
In Chile, we sold it for ten dollars
a gram.

PABLO
You sell it by the gram?

Cockroach dumps a line onto the table.

COCKROACH
This much keeps a person flying for
twenty minutes. When the effect
wears off, you want more.

He sniffs the line with a rolled-up bill. Pablo and Gustavo
share a glance.

GUSTAVO
(to Pablo)
If this shit is so good, we could
find room on our trucks.

COCKROACH
We move it to all the major cities:
Bogota, Cartegna, Baranquilla. We'll
make a fortune.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 19.

PABLO
You think small, my friend.
(then)
If it costs ten dollars a gram here,
how much do you think it will cost
in Miami?

CUT TO:

EXT. SOUTH BEACH - MIAMI - DAY

A wide expanse of white sand beach and pearl blue ocean.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Back then, Miami was a paradise.
I'd signed up for the sand, surf and
women.

A chyron appears:

"Miami, 1979."

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
In `79, the bad guys I was chasing
wore flip-flops--

CLOSE: ON FLIP-FLOPS

Slapping across the pavement. TILT UP to reveal TWO SURFERS
(one with a backpack) racing PAST CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I was a young DEA agent, partnered
with my buddy Kevin Samms.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Stop, DEA!

Murphy sprints past CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Kevin had a few pounds to lose.

NEW ANGLE: KEVIN SAMMS

Overweight, huffing for breath.

WIDER

Murphy (younger) and Kevin, 20s, chase the Surfers down on
the promenade. One of the Surfers trips over his flip-flops,
smashes to the ground.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 20.

The other Surfer tumbles over the prone body of his friend.

CLOSE - ON MURPHY

Gun out, ultra-serious, pouncing on the Surfers.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Face down. Gimme hands!

Murphy cuffs the Surfer. Kevin arrives, huffing.

KEVIN
He told you to stop, you sonsabitches!

He grabs the backpack off the ground.

MURPHY
What do we got?

Kevin opens the backpack and extracts a large pillow of
MARIJUANA wrapped in plastic.

KEVIN
We got ourselves a promotion, my
man. Let's celebrate.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary In Medellín, Pablo and Gustavo meet Cockroach, who proposes a lucrative cocaine deal involving smuggling from Peru and selling in Colombia and Miami. Meanwhile, in a flashback to Miami in 1979, DEA agents Murphy and Kevin Samms arrest surfers with marijuana, foreshadowing the future drug trade.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Strong character introduction
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Limited emotional depth

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the criminal underworld and the characters' motivations, creating tension and intrigue.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of drug smuggling and the allure of easy money is well-established, setting the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the characters discuss a new drug smuggling venture, hinting at future conflicts and challenges.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the familiar theme of drug trafficking, with unique character dynamics and realistic dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

Pablo Escobar and Gustavo are introduced as complex and ambitious characters, laying the foundation for their roles in the story.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential transformations in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

Pablo's internal goal is to expand his drug empire and increase his wealth and power. This reflects his desire for control and dominance in the criminal world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to establish a drug smuggling operation from Peru to Colombia and eventually to Miami. This reflects the immediate challenge of expanding his criminal enterprise and maximizing profits.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the characters' desire for wealth and the risks involved in drug smuggling is evident, adding tension to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing moral dilemmas and conflicting goals that create tension and conflict. The audience is left wondering how the characters will navigate these challenges.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes of drug smuggling and the potential consequences for the characters add intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key characters and setting up a major plot point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' plans and the moral dilemmas they face. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of drug trafficking and the consequences of getting involved in such illegal activities. It challenges the protagonist's values and beliefs about power, wealth, and the impact of his actions on society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a sense of unease and anticipation, setting the stage for future emotional developments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, tense atmosphere, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the characters' world and their dangerous plans.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast and intense, with quick dialogue exchanges and action sequences that keep the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between locations and effective use of visual cues to enhance the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that drive the plot forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and complexity compared to the previous scenes which had intense conflicts and moral dilemmas.
  • The dialogue feels a bit on the nose and lacks subtlety in conveying the characters' motivations and intentions.
  • The transition from the intense shootout in the previous scene to a casual conversation in a bar feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues and actions to enhance the storytelling and engage the audience.
  • The introduction of Cockroach and his proposal could be more nuanced and intriguing to create suspense and tension.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding layers to the conversation between Pablo, Gustavo, and Cockroach to reflect the complexity of their characters and the dangerous world they inhabit.
  • Introduce subtle conflicts or foreshadowing elements to build anticipation and keep the audience engaged.
  • Enhance the visual elements in the bar scene to create a more immersive and dynamic atmosphere.
  • Explore different ways to convey the characters' intentions and emotions through actions and reactions rather than direct dialogue.
  • Consider revisiting the pacing and tone of the scene to ensure it aligns with the overall narrative arc and themes of the screenplay.



Scene 7 -  The Prank
INT. BAR - MIAMI - NIGHT

Thumping music, filled with partyers. Kevin sits with other
DEA GUYS, celebrating their bust. In the background, Murphy
is getting another pitcher at the bar.

DEA #1
Who do we pick?

DEA #2
How about her?

DEA #2 points to a BLONDE GIRL at another table.

KEVIN
No, no. Let's fuck him up.

DEA GUY #1
Let's mess with his head.

KEVIN
Yeah, let's go for her.

THEIR P.O.V. - CONNIE
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 21.

Connie - seen at the top of the script - sits at the bar
with a FRIEND.

DEA #1 (O.S.)
She's hot.

MURPHY

returns with a cold pitcher of beer. Unaware that he's about
to be the subject of a prank.

KEVIN
Hey, Murph, Sparrow 3 o'clock,
checking you out.

Kevin chin nods to Connie. Murphy steals a glance.

DEA #1
You were walking back from the bar,
she was checking out your ass.

MURPHY
Get the fuck outta here.

KEVIN
She wasn't checking out your ass,
but she eye-fucked you all the way
back to the table. I'm not kidding,
man. For real.

MURPHY
The tan one?

KEVIN
She had eyes on you, man.

The DEA GUYS egg him on: Go for it/C'mon, Pussy/Man up!

MURPHY
You serious?

KEVIN
If I'm lying, I'm dying.

MURPHY
(a beat)
Fuck it. I'm going in...

DEA GUYS
Murph's flying in/Get another pitcher
while you're up there.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 22.

AT THE BAR - CONNIE AND HER PRETTY FRIEND

They're watching the Miami/Florida State game on the
television. Murphy approaches with a smile.

MURPHY
Hey, how are you?

CONNIE
(barely a glance)
Busy.

He looks back at his table.

HIS P.O.V. - THE DEA GUYS

They're busting a gut laughing. Gotcha sucker!

MURPHY

starts back toward his table.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Those bastards got me. But I couldn't
let it end like that.

He turns and goes back to Connie and her friend.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Listen. I'm sorry. See those guys
over there? They're fucking with
me. They said you were checking out
my ass. Who checks out a cop's ass?

CONNIE
You're a cop? Strike two.

MURPHY
Not a cop, actually. I'm D-E-A.

CONNIE
A narc. Strike three.

Connie's Pretty Friend chimes in--

PRETTY FRIEND
Drug Enforcement? So you're the one
making pot more expensive.

MURPHY
(lightly)
It's against the law, ma'am.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 23.

CONNIE
(laughing)
Be careful. He'll arrest you.

MURPHY
Help me out here. I wanna show those
assholes up. C'mon. Give me your
phone number.

CONNIE
How about a fake phone number?

MURPHY
That'll work.

Connie digs a pen and a scrap of paper from her purse. She
scrawls "Connie" and a phone number.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Sorry for the bother.

AT THE TABLE

Murphy returns, flapping the scrap of paper.

MURPHY
Read it and weep, assholes.

The DEA Guys are suitably impressed.

INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

Murphy sits on his bed in a messy bachelor apartment. He
stares at the scrap of paper.

MURPHY (V.O.)
I figured what the hell. Worst that
could happen was I'd wake up some
grandmother in Boca.

He dials the number.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. ANOTHER APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

Someone grabs the ringing phone off the receiver.

CONNIE
Hello?
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 24.

MURPHY (O.S.)
So it wasn't a fake.

CONNIE
Thought you might figure it out.
After all, you're D-E-A.

Murphy smiles.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And just like that, she had me.

CUT TO:

PABLO ESCOBAR

eyes shining.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The minute Pablo laid his eyes on
the paste-processing lab in Peru,
cocaine had him.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary DEA colleagues prank Murphy by sending him after a woman who's not interested. Murphy, determined to prove them wrong, gets her phone number, only to find out later that it's real.
Strengths
  • Humorous dialogue
  • Character development
  • Engaging interaction
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot progression

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances humor with character development, providing a refreshing break from the intense drug enforcement storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a DEA agent being pranked by his colleagues and then using the opportunity to connect with a woman at a bar is unique and adds depth to the character of Murphy.

Plot: 7

The plot of the scene revolves around a light-hearted prank and Murphy's attempt to turn the situation around, adding a layer of character development.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the typical 'prank at a bar' scenario by incorporating elements of law enforcement and personal relationships. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The scene focuses on Murphy's character, showcasing his ability to think on his feet and connect with others in unexpected situations.

Character Changes: 5

Murphy's character undergoes a minor change as he decides to take control of the situation and engage with the women at the bar.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist, Murphy, wants to prove himself and show up his colleagues by successfully approaching a woman at the bar. This reflects his desire for validation and acceptance within his group.

External Goal: 7.5

Murphy's external goal is to prank his colleague and approach the woman at the bar to get her phone number. This reflects the immediate challenge of peer pressure and the desire to impress his friends.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The conflict in the scene is minimal, focusing more on humor and character interaction.

Opposition: 7.5

The opposition in the scene, in the form of peer pressure and Murphy's internal conflict, adds tension and uncertainty to the narrative.

High Stakes: 2

The stakes in the scene are low, focusing more on character development and humor.

Story Forward: 5

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it adds depth to Murphy's character and provides a brief respite from the intense storyline.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because the outcome of Murphy's prank and his interaction with Connie are not immediately clear.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Murphy's role as a DEA agent and his personal desires for connection and validation. It challenges his beliefs about law enforcement and personal relationships.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a positive and amused emotional response from the audience, providing a light-hearted moment in the narrative.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is witty and engaging, capturing the banter between the DEA agents and the interaction between Murphy and the women at the bar.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic interactions between the characters, the humor, and the suspense of Murphy's prank.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue and action to keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a bar scene in a crime drama, with clear character motivations and interactions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks depth and substance, focusing too much on a cliched prank played on Murphy at a bar.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks authenticity, especially in the interactions between the DEA guys and Murphy.
  • The character of Connie is one-dimensional and stereotypical, serving only as a prop in the prank played on Murphy.
  • The scene fails to advance the plot or develop the characters in a meaningful way, making it feel disconnected from the rest of the script.
  • There is a missed opportunity to explore deeper themes or conflicts related to the drug trade and the characters' motivations.
Suggestions
  • Consider rewriting the scene to add more depth and meaning, focusing on character development and advancing the plot.
  • Explore the relationships between the characters in a more nuanced way, avoiding cliches and stereotypes.
  • Introduce conflicts or themes related to the main storyline to make the scene more relevant and engaging.
  • Improve the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Ensure that every scene serves a purpose in the overall narrative and contributes to the development of the story and characters.



Scene 8 -  Cocaine Smuggling Operation
EXT. JUNGLE PROCESSING LAB - PERU - DAY

Thickly forested. A half dozen WORKERS (men and children)
trample coca leaves in a large plastic-lined VAT filled with
water and bleach.

COCKROACH, PABLO AND GUSTAVO

are shown around by the LAB MANAGER. He gestures to another
large VAT being filled with KEROSENE.

LAB MANAGER
The kerosene separates the drug from
the leaf.

A worker scoops a PLASTIC BUCKET of the brownish kerosene
mixture and adds Ammonium from a bottle. The liquid in the
bucket blooms WHITE like cream in coffee.

GUSTAVO
Look at that.

LAB MANAGER
Ammonium is added to make the paste.

CLOSE - ON THE BUCKET

Now containing a gummy, yellowish solid. The solid is dumped
onto a bed sheet.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 25.

WIDER, as a WORKER squeezes the bed sheet to remove the excess
kerosene, leaving a one-kilo chunk of paste.

GUSTAVO
We'll take a kilo.

LAB MANAGER
A whole kilo. Great.

PABLO
No.

LAB MANAGER
(to Cockroach)
You said one kilo.

PABLO
We'll take five.

COCKROACH
How do we get five across the border?

PABLO
Gustavo will figure it out. Always
does.

CUT TO:

EXT. RENAULT CAR LOT - PERU - DAY

Gustavo shows Pablo and Cockroach a yellow Renault 4S.

GUSTAVO
Check the wheel-well. It's huge.

A CAR SALESMAN approaches them.

CAR SALESMAN
It's a great choice. 22.5 horsepower.
More than the Citroen 2CV. It's
comfortable and the gasoline
consumption --

PABLO
(to Salesman)
Is it easy to remove the wheel?

The Salesman never heard that one.

CAR SALESMAN
What?
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 26.

GUSTAVO
(to Pablo)
We only have to do it once. Trust
me - I can fit 5K in there.

PABLO
Ok. I will take it. Three cars,
please.

The Salesman can’t believe his ears.

SALESMAN
Did you say three?

GUSTAVO
(to Cockroach)
I guess we're going back to the lab...

COCKROACH
Why?

GUSTAVO
(to Cockroach)
Five kilos per wheel-well, equals
twenty kilos per car. Three cars,
sixty kilos.

Pablo claps Cockroach on the back.

PABLO
At nine dollars profit per gram...

EXT. PERUVIAN MOUNTAIN ROAD - AERIAL VIEW - SUNRISE

The beautiful panorama of the lush Peruvian mountains.

MURPHY (V.O.)
That's five hundred thousand dollars
per trip - using the same smuggling
routes he always used.

A paved road cuts a ribbon through the dense foliage. THREE
RENAULT R4S appear from FRAME LEFT, snaking through the pass.

LOW ANGLE

Pablo drives the one up front.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Easiest money he ever made.

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 27.

INT. COCAINE KITCHEN - BELEN, COLOMBIA - NIGHT

A cramped kitchen with three COOKS in smocks. Cockroach
teaches Pablo and Gustavo the next part of the process.

COCKROACH
The hydrochloric acid turns the base
into crystal.

GUSTAVO
It smells in here.

COCKROACH
That's the acetone.

Cockroach presses a button. A DOZEN LAMPS light up on top
of the damp cocaine crystals.

PABLO
And what’s with all those lights?

COCKROACH
Drying.

EXT. COCAINE KITCHEN - BELEN, COLOMBIA - NIGHT

Light floods from the windows, illuminating the house like a
Christmas tree. Pablo and Gustavo watch PAINTERS close the
windows and start to apply a black coat of paint to the glass.
Sulfurous smoke pours from the window cracks.

GUSTAVO
Isn't this going to suffocate the
workers?

PABLO
Let’s build a chimney.

CUT TO:

A WOMAN'S HANDS, with a sewing needle.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Like her son, Pablo's mother Hermilda
was very resourceful.

INT. HERMILDA'S HOUSE - MEDELLÍN - NIGHT

HERMILDA ESCOBAR, 50s, places down the needle and holds up
what she's been sewing.

A JACKET
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 28.

Lined with secret compartments.

PABLO
Mama, I love it. How much do you
think I can fit in there?

Hermilda inspects the jacket.

MURPHY (V.O.)
In Colombia, even the women have a
tradition of smuggling.

HERMILDA
I guess about 5 kilos. Just make
sure someone else is wearing it.

CUT TO:

THE LION, a regal Colombian with a healthy mane of hair.

MURPHY (V.O.)
That someone would be "The Lion," a
friend of Pablo's who'd spent his
childhood in the United States.

INT. EL DORADO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - BOGOTA - DAY

WIDENING, as the Lion (wearing Hermilda's jacket) walks toward
a line that reads "Customs." Lion easily passes through the
customs line.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Pablo, Gustavo, and Cockroach visit a jungle processing lab in Peru to observe the making of cocaine paste. They decide to smuggle 5 kilos of cocaine across the border in Renault cars. They also learn about turning the cocaine base into crystals. Pablo's mother shows him a jacket with secret compartments for smuggling. The Lion agrees to wear the jacket to pass through customs at El Dorado International Airport.
Strengths
  • Detailed depiction of drug production process
  • Strategic smuggling methods
  • High-stakes tension
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth in characters
  • Dialogue could be more engaging

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively portrays the intricate process of cocaine production, introduces high-stakes smuggling methods, and sets a dark and intense tone that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing the step-by-step process of cocaine production and smuggling is well-executed, providing insight into the criminal underworld.

Plot: 7

The plot focuses on the strategic planning and execution of a drug smuggling operation, adding depth to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to depicting the drug trade, focusing on the logistical challenges and risks involved in transporting drugs. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters of Pablo, Gustavo, and Cockroach are introduced with distinct personalities and roles in the drug trade.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character development in this scene, as the focus is more on the operation and logistics of drug smuggling.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove his capability and resourcefulness in the criminal world. This reflects his desire for power and respect within the criminal organization.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully transport a large quantity of drugs across the border. This reflects the immediate challenge of logistics and risk involved in the drug trade.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict arises from the risks involved in the drug trade, the challenges of smuggling large quantities of cocaine, and the strategic decisions made by the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with logistical challenges and moral dilemmas creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are evident in the risks involved in drug production and smuggling, as well as the potential profits and consequences of getting caught.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by showcasing the planning and execution of a major drug smuggling operation.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected challenges and decisions for the characters, keeping the audience on edge about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's willingness to take risks and break the law for profit, and the ethical implications of engaging in illegal activities and harming others.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene lacks emotional depth but creates tension and suspense through the depiction of criminal activities.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves the purpose of explaining the drug production process and planning the smuggling operation, but could be more dynamic and engaging.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation with clear goals and obstacles, keeping the audience invested in the characters' actions and decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively showcases the process of making cocaine paste in a jungle processing lab in Peru, providing insight into the intricate steps involved in drug production.
  • The dialogue between the characters, especially Pablo, Gustavo, and Cockroach, adds depth to their personalities and motivations, highlighting their roles in the drug smuggling operation.
  • The visual descriptions of the cocaine production process, from trampling coca leaves to adding kerosene and ammonium, create a vivid and immersive setting for the scene.
  • The introduction of the Renault cars as a smuggling method and the calculation of profits per trip add a layer of detail to the operation, emphasizing the business aspect of drug trafficking.
  • The transition to the cocaine kitchen in Colombia and the involvement of Pablo's mother, Hermilda, in creating a jacket with secret compartments for smuggling, adds a familial and resourceful element to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more tension or conflict to the scene to heighten the stakes and engage the audience further.
  • Explore the emotional impact of the characters' involvement in the drug trade, delving deeper into their moral dilemmas and motivations.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the environment of the processing lab and cocaine kitchen.
  • Develop the relationships between the characters, particularly Pablo, Gustavo, and Cockroach, to create more dynamic interactions and character arcs.
  • Consider exploring the consequences of the characters' actions in the scene, setting up potential conflicts or challenges for future developments in the story.



Scene 9 -  Cocaine Smuggling at Miami International Airport
INT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

Lion emerges from the arrival gate, behind someone in a
Dolphins jersey. He looks around.

A VOICE (O.S.)
Yo man, what's up?!

Lion grins.

REVERSING, to find CARLOS LEHDER, 30s, a deep tan, a "John
Lennon" t-shirt, and a swastika tattooed on his arm.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And that's Carlos Lehder. Half
Colombian, half German, one hundred
percent playboy. Big fan of John
Lennon and Adolf Hitler. Go figure.

The two men hug. Lehder eyes Lion.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 29.

LEHDER
It's hot man. Why the fuck are you
wearing a jacket?

MURPHY (V.O.)
Back in '79 Lehder was flying bales
of grass up from Colombia on a fleet
of small planes.

INT. CAR - LONG TERM PARKING LOT - DAY

Lehder sits behind the wheel of a boat Cadillac. Lion pulls
a bag of COCAINE from inside his "secret" jacket.

LION
It's the perfect product.

LEHDER
I did a bit in jail, remember? I
saw this stuff. It's poison.

LION
Pablo thinks the gringos will love
it.

LEHDER
It will fuck their brains up - that’s
for sure.

The Lion opens the car door and steps outside.

LEHDER (CONT'D)
Where are you going?

Lion shows Lehder a plane ticket.

LION
Back home. Pick me up tomorrow.

EXT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

A PLANE takes off.

MURPHY (V.O.)
The Lion made more than twenty flights
between Medellín and Miami - drugs
in, cash out. And the rich and famous
in Miami snorted every single gram
of it. In no time, Pablo had to
replace his cars with trucks...
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 30.

EXT. PERUVIAN MOUNTAIN ROAD - AERIAL VIEW - SUNRISE

A paved road cuts a ribbon through the forest.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Gustavo had the trucks filled to the
brim with potatoes, the major item
Colombia imported from Peru. Didn't
even have to bribe the cops.

Several TRUCKS filled to the brim with potatoes appear from
FRAME LEFT, snaking their way through the pass.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The coke paste was hidden in the
spare tires. Each tire could fit
about 20 kilos. Ten trucks, twenty
kilos each, going back and forth
everyday. You do the math. It's
more money than you can imagine. No
way the Lion could transport it all.

LOW ANGLE

One of the trucks passes by Colombian customs, a spare tire
attached to it.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Pretty soon, the Lion had to come up
with new ways to smuggle the drug to
Miami.

INT. COCAINE KITCHEN - BELEN, COLOMBIA - DAY

The Lion teaches several YOUNG WOMEN how to eat condoms filled
up with cocaine. Three of them are pregnant.

LION
Wait a second - we got a problem
here. You three, step this way.

The three PREGNANT WOMEN step to the right. They're
disappointed they can't share in this bonanza.

LION (CONT'D)
U.S. Customs doesn't search pregnant
women. I think you can swallow sixty
pellets instead of fifty.

The women nod.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 31.

INT. COCAINE KITCHEN - BELEN, COLOMBIA - LATER

The Lion teaches a COMMERCIAL PILOT and a STEWARD how to
hide cocaine in their luggage.

MURPHY (V.O.)
During the early 80s most AVIANCA
flights out of Bogota had several
mules on them - they didn't even
know about each other.

INT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

COMMERCIAL AIRPLANE PILOTS, YOUNG WOMEN and STEWARDS walk
right through the U.S. CUSTOMS.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And you know what? Getting in was
easy, because nobody was worried
about cocaine in America. All we
cared about was grass.

Everyone walks right in.

MONTAGE: VARIOUS LOCATIONS (PER PRODUCTION)

FISHERMEN put COCAINE bags inside fish and take to the sea.
COCAINE bags are inserted into OLIVE OIL cans and coffee
packages.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Pretty soon cocaine was hidden in
almost every legit Colombian export.
Fish, coffee, olive oil, rubber
hoses... You name it. But even that
didn't do it. The real game-changer
was filling Lehder's planes with
coke instead of weed.

EXT. MEDELLÍN INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

Pablo and Gustavo negotiate with Carlos Lehder in front of a
KING AIR airplane.

GUSTAVO
How much weight can you carry?

LEHDER
Where to?

GUSTAVO
Miami.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 32.

LEHDER
About a thousand kilos, including
the fuel.

GUSTAVO
What if we take out all the seats,
and leave room just for the pilot?

Lehder stares at Gustavo, puzzled.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Six months after meeting with
Cockroach, Pablo was establishing
the first dedicated Narco route from
Colombia to America.

AERIAL SHOT - a KING AIR plane flies really low over the
ocean, approaching the Bahamas. (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
A real milestone in the story of
narcotics.

INSIDE THE PLANE - Lehder flies the plane. Behind him,
several loads of coke.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Then Pablo closed the kitchen and
started opening cocaine labs in the
middle of the jungle -
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Lion and Lehder discuss cocaine smuggling methods at the airport. They involve pregnant women, a pilot, and a steward to hide cocaine in various items like fish, olive oil cans, and coffee, establishing the initial Narco route from Colombia to America.
Strengths
  • Detailed portrayal of drug smuggling operations
  • Complex and compelling characters
  • Intense and suspenseful tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited focus on character development
  • Lack of emotional depth in certain scenes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, offering a deep dive into the criminal underworld of drug trafficking with intense and suspenseful moments that keep the audience on edge.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of cocaine smuggling and the elaborate methods employed to transport drugs across borders is well-executed, providing a detailed look at the operations of the drug cartel.

Plot: 8

The plot is intricate and well-developed, focusing on the evolution of drug smuggling operations and the challenges faced by the characters in maintaining their criminal empire.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the drug smuggling operations of the 1980s, with unique methods of transporting cocaine and complex character interactions. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are complex and compelling, with each playing a crucial role in the drug trafficking network. Their motivations, relationships, and actions drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' motivations and relationships, the scene primarily focuses on showcasing their roles within the drug cartel and the challenges they face in maintaining their criminal enterprise.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to successfully transport cocaine from Colombia to Miami and expand his drug smuggling operation. This reflects his desire for power, wealth, and influence in the criminal underworld.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to establish a successful narco route from Colombia to America and increase the amount of cocaine transported. This reflects his ambition to dominate the drug trade and outsmart law enforcement.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the characters navigate the dangerous world of drug trafficking and face constant threats to their operations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with law enforcement, rival drug cartels, and moral dilemmas posing significant challenges for the protagonist. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome of his risky endeavors.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with the characters involved in dangerous and illegal activities that could have severe consequences if they are caught by law enforcement or rival cartels.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing key elements of the drug smuggling operation, highlighting the evolution of the characters' roles and the escalating risks they face.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the protagonist's plans, the risky smuggling methods, and the constant threat of law enforcement. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of drug trafficking and the consequences of the protagonist's actions. It challenges the protagonist's values and beliefs as he navigates the dangerous world of narcotics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and suspense to moral dilemmas and the consequences of criminal actions, creating a compelling and immersive experience for the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and realistic, capturing the tense and high-pressure situations faced by the characters involved in the drug trade.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful moments, and intriguing character dynamics. The high stakes and moral dilemmas keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action sequences, dialogue exchanges, and narrative exposition. It maintains a sense of urgency and tension throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions. It is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a coherent progression of events. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Lion meeting Carlos Lehder at the Miami International Airport to a montage of various smuggling methods without a clear connection or transition.
  • The dialogue between Lehder and Lion feels a bit forced and lacks depth, especially considering the weight of the topic being discussed.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions and details, making it difficult for the audience to fully immerse themselves in the setting and actions taking place.
  • The use of voiceover narration by Murphy is informative but can be overwhelming and disrupt the flow of the scene.
  • The scene jumps between different locations and characters without a clear throughline, making it feel disjointed and confusing.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and actions in the scene.
  • Work on developing the dialogue between Lehder and Lion to make it more engaging and reflective of their characters.
  • Try to find a smoother transition between the meeting at the airport and the montage of smuggling methods to maintain coherence.
  • Limit the use of voiceover narration to key moments and focus on showing rather than telling the audience.
  • Ensure a clear throughline in the scene by connecting the different locations and characters in a more cohesive manner.



Scene 10 -  Jungle Negotiations
EXT. DEEP JUNGLE LAB - COLOMBIA - DAY

A tented jungle lab with white-smocked WORKERS. Ten times
bigger than the one Cockroach managed in Chile.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Under the canopy cover of the
Colombian rainforest, he could expand
his production capacity indefinitely
without anyone noticing it.

Cockroach trains the workers in the arts and sciences of
cocaine production - he's sweating, mosquitoes all over his
face as a CESSNA AIRPLANE lands in an airstrip next to the
lab - Gustavo and Pablo step outside - followed by two
beautiful HOOKERS.

Cockroach approaches them.

GUSTAVO
Hello, Moreno.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 33.

PABLO
(re: hookers)
We brought you a gift. Brazilians -
best asses in the world.

Cockroach eyes the women.

COCKROACH
How come you guys are flying about
in planes and I am stuck here in the
fucking jungle - living in a fucking
shack - among fucking mosquitoes and
cobras?

Gustavo notices the shacks where the workers live.

GUSTAVO
You are right, Moreno. I’m sorry.

PABLO
From now on I'll build a big air-
conditioned house in all my labs -
just for you.

Cockroach looks at Pablo, pissed.

COCKROACH
Those are my labs, Pablo. My labs.

GUSTAVO
Of course they are, partner.
(tapping Cockroach)
Now show us what you got.

INT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - NIGHT

It's a huge party. UNIFORMED WAITERS walk around with food
and beverages. BEAUTIFUL WOMEN everywhere. Cockroach is
alone in a corner - drinking by himself.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Pablo couldn't hide his success from
his friends. They were violent,
crazy and filthy rich. Guys used to
getting what they want, one way or
another.

Pablo, Gustavo, Gacha and Jorge Ochoa are drinking at a table.

GACHA
I heard the potato business is very
profitable these days.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 34.

Gacha picks up a French fry.

GACHA (CONT'D)
Who would think you could make so
much money off this? I am asking
myself if I should invest in it.
What do you think, Pablo?

JORGE OCHOA
I took a good look at the market.
Importing potatoes from Peru is easy.
Old smuggling routes.

GUSTAVO
If everyone starts buying potatoes
at one time, the Peruvians will raise
the price. Our margins will go down.

GACHA
They also grow potatoes in Bolivia.
We can reduce the cost of the refining
process if we buy together.

GUSTAVO
The hard part is getting the
merchandise to Miami. You need a
lot of creativity for that.

GACHA
How much would you charge to help us
be creative?

PABLO
You deliver the product to me,
labeled. I take it to Miami, and
deliver to your contact there. I
charge 35% of the sales value. But
I insure the safety of your load up
to 50% of the value.
(then)
Deal?

JORGE OCHOA
Deal.

GACHA
I will create my own routes and stop
using your services as soon as
possible. That okay with you?

Pablo stares at Gacha.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 35.

GUSTAVO
We expect nothing less.

Gacha extends his glass for a toast--

GACHA
Partners?

For a beat, no one moves.

PABLO
We know your policy toward partners.
Let's just call us... "friendly
associates."

The men laugh and toast.

GACHA
To Miami...

CUT TO:

EXT. PORT OF MIAMI - DAY

Colorful cargo crates line the port. Shipments of everything
from everywhere in the world.

MURPHY (V.O.)
When I started, a one-kilo grass
bust was cause for celebration.

INT. CARGO CONTAINER - DAY

Kevin holds up a crate of ORCHIDS with a false bottom. There
are KILOS packed beneath the flowers.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Before long, we were seizing sixty
kilos of coke a day.

EXT. CARGO SHIP - DECK - DAY

SIXTY KILOS of cocaine are removed from the ship on a dolly,
along with the handcuffed Crew.

MURPHY (V.O.)
We thought we were making a huge
difference.

Murphy and the agents clear FRAME as we--

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 36.

A SCUBA DIVER

drops into the water beside a CARGO BOAT.

EXT. PORT OF MIAMI - LATER

UNDERWATER

The Diver swims to the hull of the boat, where four metal
pipes are magnetically attached.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Truth is, we weren't even making a
dent...

CUT TO:

THE METAL PIPES - ON THE DOCK

Now unsealed at one end. A WORKER dumps a HUNDRED KILOS
from the pipe onto the ground.

CLOSE - ON CARLOS LEHDER, smiling...

MURPHY (V.O.)
They let us have sixty, so they could
bring in six hundred.

CUT TO:

A WHITE LAB RAT

scurrying at a frantic pace past CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Pablo's coke flooded in.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Cockroach trains workers in a jungle lab, Pablo arrives with hookers and offers to improve living conditions, and at a party Pablo negotiates a deal with Gacha and Jorge Ochoa regarding smuggling cocaine to Miami.
Strengths
  • Detailed portrayal of drug trade operations
  • Strong character development
  • Tense and suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Focus on business aspects may alienate some viewers

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a strong focus on the criminal activities of the characters and the escalating tensions within the drug trade. It effectively sets the tone for the ruthless and cutthroat nature of the drug cartel.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the inner workings of a drug empire, including production, smuggling, and distribution, is executed with precision and detail. It provides a deep dive into the criminal underworld and the complexities of the drug trade.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the expansion of Pablo Escobar's drug empire, showcasing the strategic decisions and negotiations made by the characters to further their criminal activities. It sets the stage for future conflicts and developments within the story.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the drug trade, showcasing the internal and external conflicts within criminal organizations. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, particularly Pablo Escobar, Gustavo, and Gacha, are well-developed and portrayed as ruthless yet calculating individuals within the drug trade. Their interactions and negotiations reveal their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

The characters, particularly Pablo Escobar, showcase subtle shifts in their alliances and strategies as they navigate the complex world of drug trafficking. These changes set the stage for future developments and conflicts within the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his dominance and control over his partners, Gustavo and Pablo, and to maintain his position of power in the drug trade.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to showcase his cocaine production skills to his partners and secure his position as the leader of the operation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, including power struggles, negotiations, and the high-stakes world of drug trafficking. The tensions between the characters drive the narrative forward and create a sense of urgency.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power struggles creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The scene is filled with high stakes, including the risks of drug production, smuggling, and distribution, as well as the power struggles and negotiations within the criminal underworld. The characters' decisions have far-reaching consequences, adding to the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing the expansion of Pablo Escobar's drug empire, introducing key characters and conflicts, and setting the stage for future events within the narrative. It propels the plot towards escalating tensions and high-stakes confrontations.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and the characters' conflicting goals.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around power dynamics, control, and loyalty. Cockroach's desire to maintain control clashes with Pablo and Gustavo's attempts to assert their influence over the operation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

While the scene is intense and suspenseful, the emotional impact is somewhat muted due to the focus on the business aspects of the drug trade. However, the ruthlessness and calculated decisions of the characters evoke a sense of unease and tension.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and businesslike, reflecting the pragmatic and strategic nature of the characters involved in the drug trade. It effectively conveys the power dynamics and negotiations within the criminal underworld.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense dialogue, power struggles, and the high stakes involved in the drug trade.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and highlights the power dynamics between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, effectively conveying the setting and character interactions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively conveys the power dynamics and conflicts between the characters.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension, which can make it feel stagnant and less engaging for the audience.
  • The dialogue feels a bit on the nose and lacks subtlety, especially in the interactions between the characters.
  • The transition between the jungle lab and the party at Hacienda Napoles feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The character dynamics between Cockroach, Pablo, and Gustavo could be further developed to add depth and complexity to their relationships.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a conflict or tension to drive the scene forward, such as a disagreement between the characters or an unexpected obstacle.
  • Refine the dialogue to make it more nuanced and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Smooth out the transition between the jungle lab and the party scene to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Explore the dynamics between Cockroach, Pablo, and Gustavo to add layers to their interactions and motivations.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to paint a vivid picture of the settings and enhance the overall atmosphere of the scene.



Scene 11 -  Violent Night in Miami
EXT. MIAMI STREET/ALLEY - NIGHT

CAMERA TRACKS the RAT as it races through the alley.

MURPHY (V.O.)
It didn't take long for Miami to get
addicted. And I mean that.

The RAT stops. Nose wriggling.

LOW ANGLE - A STREET CORNER DRUG DEAL

A handoff between dealer and client.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 37.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
It was like the whole city was running
around to get this shit. And with
the money, came the violence.

The RAT charges past--

A FOOT, as we TILT UP to reveal Murphy.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The surfers had been replaced by
Colombians. And these guys didn't
wear flip-flops.

HIS P.O.V. - TWO COLOMBIANS

Armed with Mac-10s. Their guns spit fire--

MURPHY AND KEVIN

dive for cover. They peek from behind a dumpster. One
Colombian flees. Murphy sees the other Colombian running
behind a car from left to right.

MURPHY FIRES THROUGH THE CAR. No one comes out from the
other side.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The Miami Coroner said Colombians
were like Dixie Cups. Use `em once,
then throw `em away.

MURPHY AND KEVIN

advance on the sprawled body behind the car. Kevin kneels
beside the dead shooter, turns back to Murphy.

KEVIN
Dude, he's just a kid.

The dead COLOMBIAN is about seventeen.

TIGHT - ON MURPHY

Stunned. And upset.

MURPHY (V.O.)
That was the first person I ever
shot. A teenager not old enough to
buy a six-pack.

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 38.

EXT. MIAMI STREET/ALLEY - LATER

PARAMEDICS load the Colombian teen's corpse onto a
refrigerated truck. Murphy stands nearby.

MURPHY (V.O.)
The Dade County morgue couldn't fit
all the bodies from the drug war.
They had to rent a refrigerated truck
from a local company to hold all the
extra corpses.

PULLING BACK to see the logo: "BURGER KING."

CUT TO:

INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

Murphy swings open the door. He's exhausted, crestfallen,
and strangely guilty. Connie rises from the couch.

CONNIE
It was self-defense.

MURPHY
How'd you know?

CONNIE
Kevin called. He's worried about
you.

MURPHY
The kid was seventeen.

CONNIE
He sells drugs, right?

MURPHY
Yeah.

CONNIE
Then fuck him.

MURPHY
What?

CONNIE
Do you know what's going on here?
This city's upside down.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 39.

Murphy looks at her in surprise. It's only now he realizes
her mascara's streaked.

CUT TO:

A GURNEY

Rolls past with an unconscious PREGNANT WOMAN. She's one of
the Colombian girls we saw with Lion.

CONNIE (O.S.)
I was about to finish my shift when
we got hit with lights and sirens.

INT. MIAMI GENERAL - EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY

Connie quickly evaluates the unconscious GIRL.

CONNIE (O.S.)
Paramedics said she collapsed after
she got off her flight. By the time
she got to us, she was barely
breathing.

Everything in this sequence is frantic--

CONNIE (CONT'D)
Tachycardia! We need an EKG, stat!

Connie coils a blood pressure cuff on her arm at lightning
speed. NURSE #2 clips on a pulse oximeter.

CONNIE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Dilated pupils, rapid pulse. I knew
she'd overdosed on cocaine.

Connie and NURSE #2 put the GIRL on her left side.

CONNIE (CONT'D)
180cc of benzodiazepine! She's going
into arrest!

CONNIE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
But she had no residue on her
nostrils, no injection marks.

The girl's convulsing. Connie grabs the defibrillators and
administers three high-voltage shocks.

CONNIE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
We did everything we could. She
died in the ER.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 40.

CONNIE (CONT'D)
(checking clock)
TOD, eleven hundred and twenty-two
minutes.

Connie puts a stethoscope to the girl's abdomen.

CONNIE (CONT'D)
The baby's still alive. I need a
surgeon for an emergency C-section!
Get a prenatal unit down here now!

INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

Murphy stares at Connie, shocked.

MURPHY
What happened?

CONNIE
The baby died in my hands.

MURPHY
I'm sorry.

CLOSE - ON THE X-RAY

It's the pregnant woman, post-mortem. We SEE her ribs, spine,
and fifty-five condoms of coke on the X-ray.

CONNIE (O.S.)
She was body-packing eleven ounces
of cocaine. Two of the pellets split
open.

INT. MIAMI GENERAL - HALLWAY - DAY

Connie, splattered with blood, stands numbly in front of a
light board, looking at the X-ray.

CONNIE (O.S.)
Twelve grams in her bloodstream.

INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

WIDER, ON CONNIE and MURPHY

CONNIE
No one survives that.

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 41.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Murphy and Kevin engage in a deadly shootout with armed Colombians, resulting in the death of a teenage suspect. Amidst the chaos, news reaches Murphy of a pregnant woman's fatal cocaine overdose, leaving her baby as the sole survivor of the tragedy.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Realistic portrayal of drug war
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Potentially triggering content
  • Graphic violence

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly impactful, effectively conveying the harsh realities of the drug war and the emotional turmoil experienced by the characters. It sets a dark and intense tone that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the drug trade from multiple perspectives, including law enforcement and medical professionals, is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively portrays the consequences of drug trafficking.

Plot: 9

The plot is gripping and well-executed, showcasing the escalating violence and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The scene moves the story forward significantly and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh and authentic take on the drug war narrative, with unique character interactions and intense emotional moments that set it apart from typical crime dramas.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their emotional struggles are portrayed convincingly. The scene effectively conveys the internal conflicts faced by the DEA agents and medical professionals, adding depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, particularly Murphy and Connie. They are forced to confront the harsh realities of their work and grapple with the moral implications of their actions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with the consequences of his actions, particularly the first person he has ever shot, who turns out to be a teenager.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the dangerous drug-infested world of Miami and survive the violence and chaos.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, as the characters grapple with the consequences of their actions and the violence of the drug war. The high stakes and intense emotions drive the conflict forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing dangerous drug dealers, violent Colombians, and moral dilemmas that challenge his beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with lives on the line and moral dilemmas at play. The characters are faced with difficult choices that will have far-reaching consequences, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing new conflicts and consequences that will shape the narrative. It sets up future events and deepens the overall plot of the series.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's journey, the moral dilemmas he faces, and the shocking revelations about the drug war.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's moral compass and the harsh reality of the drug war. He struggles with the ethical implications of his actions in a violent world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, guilt, and shock in the audience. The tragic events and moral dilemmas faced by the characters resonate deeply, leaving a lasting impression.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is realistic and impactful, conveying the emotional weight of the situation. It effectively communicates the characters' thoughts and feelings, enhancing the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense and emotional moments, realistic portrayal of violence, and the protagonist's internal conflict, which keeps the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey through the dangerous world of Miami.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue that enhance the overall narrative.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and develops the protagonist's internal and external goals within the context of the drug war setting.


Critique
  • The transition from the rat in the alley to the drug deal is abrupt and lacks a smooth connection.
  • The voiceover narration by Murphy feels heavy-handed and could be more subtle in conveying the themes of addiction and violence.
  • The shootout scene with the Colombians lacks tension and suspense, making it feel somewhat flat.
  • The dialogue between Murphy and Kevin after the shooting could be more impactful and emotional to convey the weight of the situation.
  • The scene at the morgue with the Burger King truck logo feels out of place and disrupts the flow of the narrative.
  • The interaction between Murphy and Connie in his apartment lacks depth and emotional resonance given the gravity of the events being discussed.
  • The medical emergency scene at the hospital feels rushed and could benefit from more detailed descriptions to enhance the sense of urgency and drama.
  • The revelation of the pregnant woman's death and the discovery of the cocaine packets in her body lacks a strong emotional impact and could be more effectively portrayed.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the transition between scenes to create a smoother flow of events.
  • Refine the voiceover narration to be more nuanced and integrated into the storytelling.
  • Enhance the tension and stakes in the shootout scene to make it more engaging for the audience.
  • Develop the dialogue between characters to deepen their emotional connections and reactions to the events unfolding.
  • Reconsider the inclusion of the Burger King truck logo and ensure that all visual elements contribute cohesively to the narrative.
  • Focus on building a more authentic and compelling relationship between Murphy and Connie to elevate their interactions.
  • Expand on the medical emergency scene to build suspense and highlight the intensity of the situation.
  • Revise the reveal of the pregnant woman's death to evoke a stronger emotional response and emphasize the tragic consequences of drug trafficking.



Scene 12 -  Betrayal and Negotiation at Hacienda Napoles
EXT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - NIGHT

A HIPPOPOTAMUS wanders through FRAME. One of the many animals
who roam the luxurious grounds of Napoles. Gustavo stands
out in the yard with Cockroach. He indicates Cockroach's
gold-plated Mercedes.

GUSTAVO
You're ten times richer than you
ever thought you could be.

COCKROACH
I just want my fair cut. If it wasn't
for me, you two would still be
smuggling cigarettes.

Gustavo goes stone-cold serious.

GUSTAVO
Let me give you a piece of advice.
Don't talk like this to Pablo. He's
not as forgiving as I am.

CUT TO:

OVERHEAD SHOT

Thirty TRUCKS behind the jeep, passing through FRAME (same
as earlier shot in the script).

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cockroach should have listened to
Gustavo. Instead, he found another
way to get his fair share.

OVER THE SHOULDER: A COP

A police checkpoint. The LEAD TRUCK pulls to a stop. The
DRIVER rolls down his window to find Colonel Herrera and a
group of other DAS Agents, seen earlier.

HERRERA
What's in those spare tires?

CUT TO:

INT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - DAY

GUSTAVO hangs up the phone and approaches PABLO, who watches
a soccer game on television.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 42.

GUSTAVO
390 kilos. We lost it.

PABLO
What do you mean we lost it?

GUSTAVO
What I said. We lost it.

PABLO
It just disappeared? Into thin air?

GUSTAVO
Don't bust my balls. Cops must've
followed them from Ipsalia.

PABLO
We've paid every cop from here to
Ipsalia. How'd we lose a load?

GUSTAVO
Somewhere in Colombia there exists
an honest cop.

PABLO
How much is he asking for?

GUSTAVO
Too much.

PABLO
I'm going down there.

Gustavo knows Pablo too well.

GUSTAVO
Why risk it? It's only 390 keys.

CUT TO:

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - MEDELLÍN - DAY

Pablo strolls in to find Colonel Herrera and Nacho Ibarra.

PABLO
What's going on?

HERRERA
We need to renegotiate.

PABLO
Fuck you.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 43.

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - LINE-UP ROOM - MEDELLÍN - DAY

Now handcuffed, Pablo stands with an ID placard with the day
and date of his arrest.

TWO SHOT - HERRERA AND IBARRA

Through the one-way glass, they watch a photographer preparing
to take the mugshot of Pablo.

IBARRA
Are you sure about this? He hasn't
said a word since you arrested him.

HERRERA
We're DAS. What's he gonna do about
it?

CUT TO:

OVER THE SHOULDER: THE POLICE PHOTOGRAPHER

Pablo smiles for the camera. CLICK.

MATCH CUT TO:

PABLO'S MUGSHOT (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

The famous one. Inmate Number: 128482

MURPHY (V.O.)
Pablo didn't know it then, but this
mugshot was gonna cause him a lotta
grief down the line.

CUT TO:

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - INTERROGATION - MEDELLÍN - DAY

Pablo sits calmly at a table. Herrera enters with Ibarra.

HERRERA
We count over three hundred kilos on
those trucks. That's a street value
of over four million in American
currency. But you only pay us a
hundred fifty thousand.

PABLO
That's what we agreed on.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 44.

HERRERA
(enjoying this)
I make deals for a living. You can
accept my deal or accept the
consequences for not taking it. Now
why don't we renegotiate a bit and
we can all leave happy.

Pablo mulls this, then--

PABLO
I'll give you a million dollars,
U.S., on one condition.

HERRERA
What's that?

PABLO
Somebody in my organization told you
the street price of my cocaine.
Otherwise how would you know? Tell
me who it is and you won't have to
split the money with him.

CUT TO:

EXT. PORT OF MIAMI - DAY

A PLUMBING VAN drives past the cargo crates.

MURPHY (V.O.)
It turns out Cockroach was a real
cockroach. Not only did he sell
Pablo to the authorities, he was
stealing from him all along and
selling coke in Miami, too.

The VAN pulls up to a MERCEDES. GERMAN ZAPATA, 40s, sleek
as a greyhound, gets out. He's accompanied by TWO BODYGUARDS.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Cockroach's dealer was German Zapata,
a Colombian with a plumbing business
that served as a front for his cocaine
operation. He had twelve hundred
keys in the van. And guess who was
buying the load?

THE MERCEDES DOORS OPEN

Murphy and Kevin get out, wearing guayabera shirts.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 45.

ZAPATA
Gentlemen.

MURPHY
Mr. Zapata. A pleasure.

Kevin walks to the back of the Mercedes and opens--

THE TRUNK

It's packed with two duffel bags of CASH.

MURPHY, KEVIN AND ZAPATA

walk to the back of the plumbing van.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The plan was to trade vehicles and
Zapata would be arrested once he
left the Port.

Zapata opens the back to reveal--

A HUGE AMOUNT OF COCAINE

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Twelve hundred kilos - that would
get us on the cover of the Miami
Herald.

Murphy exchanges car keys with Zapata.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Everything was going perfect, except
that Pablo was onto Cockroach.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Gustavo warns Cockroach about Pablo's wrath, while Pablo suspects betrayal within his ranks. Cockroach's double-dealing is revealed, as he sold Pablo out while running a cocaine operation in Miami. Pablo negotiates with the police, seeking information on a lost drug shipment. Tensions rise as Pablo becomes aware of the betrayal within his organization.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets up a major conflict within the story. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the complex relationships between the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of betrayal and negotiation in the criminal underworld is well-executed, adding depth to the characters and advancing the plot.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the revelation of betrayal and the negotiation between Pablo and the police. It sets the stage for future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the drug cartel world, with unique character dynamics, intense conflicts, and unexpected plot twists. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their motivations are clear, especially in terms of loyalty and betrayal. Pablo's cunning nature and Gustavo's loyalty add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

The scene hints at potential character changes, especially in terms of trust and loyalty, setting the stage for future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control and power within the drug cartel, while also navigating the risks and betrayals that come with their criminal activities.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to recover lost drugs and negotiate with law enforcement to avoid consequences for their actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Pablo and the police, as well as the internal conflict within the criminal organization, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicts arising from law enforcement, betrayals, and internal power struggles, creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of betrayal, negotiation, and potential consequences add urgency and intensity to the scene, raising the tension and suspense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing betrayal, negotiation, and escalating tensions within the criminal organization.

Unpredictability: 8.5

The scene is unpredictable with unexpected betrayals, plot twists, and character motivations, adding layers of complexity and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's moral compass and the corrupt nature of the world they operate in. It challenges their values and decisions as they navigate through treacherous situations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes tension and suspense, but also hints at deeper emotional layers within the characters, especially in terms of loyalty and betrayal.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and reveals the power dynamics at play. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and intentions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense conflicts, high stakes, and unpredictable plot developments, keeping the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of suspenseful moments, character interactions, and plot revelations that maintain the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8.5

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format with clear transitions between locations and events, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition between the previous scene at Hacienda Napoles and the police headquarters in Medellin, causing a disjointed feel.
  • The dialogue between Gustavo and Cockroach feels a bit forced and on-the-nose, lacking subtlety in conveying the power dynamics between the characters.
  • The introduction of the police checkpoint and the conversation with Colonel Herrera feels abrupt and could benefit from smoother pacing and development.
  • The negotiation scene between Pablo, Gustavo, and the police lacks depth and complexity, missing an opportunity to delve into the intricate relationships and tensions between the characters.
  • The revelation about Cockroach's betrayal and Pablo's realization could be more impactful with a build-up of tension and suspense.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the scenes to improve the flow of the narrative.
  • Refine the dialogue between Gustavo and Cockroach to make it more nuanced and reflective of their relationship dynamics.
  • Develop the police checkpoint scene further to build tension and suspense, enhancing the stakes of the situation.
  • Expand on the negotiation scene to delve deeper into the characters' motivations and conflicts, adding layers to the interaction.
  • Build up the revelation of Cockroach's betrayal and Pablo's realization to create a more dramatic and impactful moment in the scene.



Scene 13 -  The Assassination of Zapata and Kevin
EXT. PORT OF MIAMI - DAY

CAMERA FOLLOWS over the shoulder of two ASSASSINS on a
Kawasaki, heading into the long term parking. On the back
of the cycle is--

LA QUICA, a hitman who works for Pablo.

He pulls out his Mac-10 and fires.

BOOM! - ZAPATA AND KEVIN

drop like stones.

ZAPATA'S BODYGUARD
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 46.

returns fire.

The DRIVER gets blown off the cycle. It spins out on the
concrete pavement.

LA QUICA

scrambles to his feet, raising his Mac-10.

MURPHY

steps forward, about to fire--

LA QUICA

drops his Mac-10 and raises his hands.

LA QUICA
(accented)
I give up! Arrest me.

Hands high, he drops to his knees.

MURPHY

lowers his weapon as--

A SWARM OF DEA AGENTS

arrive to arrest La Quica.

CLOSE - ON KEVIN

Dead from a bullet wound to the skull.

CUT TO:

AN AMERICAN FLAG

Flapping in the wind above the Miami-Dade Courthouse.

MURPHY (V.O.)
I got to the courthouse early on the
day of La Quica's trial.

EXT. COURTHOUSE - MIAMI - DAY

Murphy climbs the steps to enter the courthouse.

MURPHY (V.O.)
My testimony was gonna put that
bastard on death row.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 47.

He's buttonholed by a U.S. PROSECUTOR.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The U.S. District Attorney caught me
on the courthouse steps, said La
Quica met his bail of two million
dollars, paid by a wire transfer
from-- well, why don't you take a
guess?

CUT TO:

BOARDING GATE - "MEDELLÍN, COLOMBIA"

INT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

La Quica walks onto a plane.

MURPHY (V.O.)
La Quica boarded and was back in
Medellín by midnight.

INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MIAMI - NIGHT

Connie sleeps in Murphy's arms. He stares at the ceiling.

MURPHY (V.O.)
From `79 through `84, there were
3245 murders in Miami.

MONTAGE: MIAMI AND MEDELLÍN (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

This sequence will be built from archival footage: Murders,
mayhem, boat-lifts and coke seizures.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But outside of the Florida Tourist
Bureau and the cops, no one much
cared about that.

EXT. WHITE HOUSE - WASHINGTON, DC - DAY (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

Establishing.

MURPHY (V.O.)
What got the U.S. government to take
notice was the money. Billions of
dollars a year, all of it flowing
from the U.S. to Colombia. And that,
America could not take.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 48.

INT. OVAL OFFICE ANTEROOM - DAY

FOUR BUSINESSMEN are seated on a couch.

MURPHY (V.O.)
See these guys? That's Gerald Ottman
from General Electric. Jack Rogers
from Miami National Bank. Paul
Griggs, Goldman Sachs. And Bill
Taub from the City Workers Pension
Fund. They were terrified the narco-
economy would sink the real economy
of Miami.

A SECRETARY enters the room.

SECRETARY
The President will see you now.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Or maybe they were pissed off they
weren't getting a cut.

Inside the Oval Office, a Reaganesque figure can be seen
sitting behind his desk (not identifiable).

INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY

The Businessmen enter. The President stands and shakes hands
with his guests.

BUSINESS
Mr. President. Thank you for having
us.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Whatever it was, the businessmen
came at just the right time. The
Berlin Wall was about to fall. The
Soviet Union was dissolving. It was
time for America to suit up against
a new enemy.

INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

RONALD and NANCY REAGAN sit on the couch.

RONALD REAGAN
Tonight, from our family to yours,
from our home to yours.

CLOSE - ON RONALD REAGAN
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 49.

RONALD REAGAN (CONT'D)
Drugs are menacing our society.
They're threatening our values and
undercutting our institutions.
(then)
They're killing our children.

MURPHY (V.O.)
It was classic Reagan. Folksy,
direct, and tough. He vowed to go
after drugs at the source. But it
was Nancy who stole the show.

CLOSE - ON NANCY REAGAN

NANCY REAGAN
So to my young friends out there,
life can be great. But not when you
can't see it. So open your eyes to
life, to see it in the vivid colors
that God gave us as a precious gift
to His children. Say yes to your
life. And when it comes to drugs
and alcohol, just say no.

CUT TO:

TIGHT - ON COCKROACH: BEATEN AND BLOODY

COCKROACH
No, no, no!!!

A BULLET blasts him in the forehead.

INT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - DAY

Cockroach topples to the ground.

MURPHY (V.O.)
They say when a nuclear holocaust
comes, only the cockroaches will
survive.

CAMERA SWIVELS to find Pablo. Gun outstretched.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I guess they were wrong.

Pablo turns to Poison.

PABLO
Clean this up.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 50.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Assassins on motorcycles, one being La Quica, kill Zapata and Kevin in a parking lot. DEA agent Murphy confronts La Quica and arrests him after he surrenders. Despite Murphy's testimony, La Quica posts bail and flees to Colombia. Murphy reflects on the violence and corruption prevalent during Miami's drug war, highlighting the involvement of the US government in its suppression.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Compelling characters
  • Political intrigue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple storylines
  • Some characters may need more development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a mix of action, drama, and political commentary that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats. The intense showdown, courtroom trial, and political discussions add depth and complexity to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the escalating conflict between law enforcement and drug traffickers, as well as the political response to the drug trade. It effectively portrays the interconnectedness of crime, politics, and society.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear progression from the shootout in Miami to the courtroom trial. The introduction of political figures and their stance on drugs adds layers to the narrative, setting the stage for future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene showcases original situations and fresh approaches to familiar themes of crime and justice. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are compelling, especially La Quica, Murphy, and the political figures. Their actions and motivations drive the plot forward and add depth to the overall story.

Character Changes: 7

The characters undergo subtle changes, especially La Quica facing arrest and Murphy grappling with the consequences of his actions. These changes set the stage for future developments in the story.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to bring down La Quica and seek justice for the murders committed. This reflects his deeper desire for law and order, as well as his fear of the escalating violence and corruption in the drug trade.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to testify against La Quica in court and ensure he is put on death row. This reflects the immediate challenge of bringing a dangerous criminal to justice and stopping the flow of drug money.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, from the intense shootout to the courtroom trial and political debates. The clash between law enforcement and drug traffickers, as well as the moral dilemmas faced by the characters, heighten the tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with multiple obstacles and conflicts that challenge the protagonist's goals and motivations, keeping the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high throughout the scene, from the life-threatening shootout to the courtroom trial with potential death row consequences. The political implications of the drug trade add another layer of high stakes.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward, introducing key conflicts, characters, and themes that will shape the narrative. It sets the stage for future confrontations and developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden twists, betrayals, and unexpected outcomes that challenge the characters' goals and motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between law and criminality, justice and corruption. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in upholding the law and seeking justice, while also highlighting the moral ambiguity of the drug trade.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, from the adrenaline of the shootout to the drama of the courtroom trial. The political discussions add a layer of complexity and emotional weight to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, especially during the courtroom trial and political discussions. It effectively conveys the tension and stakes of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its fast-paced action, high stakes, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, maintaining momentum, and transitioning between different locations and characters seamlessly.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, action descriptions, and character cues.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear action beats, dialogue exchanges, and transitions between locations.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear transition from the previous scenes, making it feel disjointed and abrupt.
  • The shootout between the assassins and Zapata and Kevin is intense but lacks emotional depth or character development.
  • The resolution of La Quica surrendering feels rushed and anticlimactic, missing an opportunity for a more impactful confrontation.
  • The shift to Murphy's testimony at La Quica's trial feels disconnected from the action of the shootout, causing a jarring shift in tone.
  • The montage of archival footage and political discussions detracts from the immediate tension of the scene and disrupts the flow of the narrative.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition from the previous scenes to establish a better flow of events.
  • Enhance the emotional impact of the shootout by delving deeper into the characters' reactions and motivations.
  • Build up the confrontation between La Quica and Murphy to create a more suspenseful and satisfying resolution.
  • Integrate Murphy's testimony more seamlessly into the scene to maintain the tension and focus on the immediate aftermath of the shootout.
  • Reconsider the use of the montage and political discussions to ensure they complement the narrative without overshadowing the main action.



Scene 14 -  The Battle Begins
EXT. COLOMBIAN ROAD - MEDELLÍN - NIGHT

Misty night.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Over his career, Pablo would kill
over a thousand cops. But I wouldn't
learn that till later.

WIDE SHOT - COLONEL HERRERA AND NACHO IBARRA

The DAS Agents lie sprawled on the ground. They've been
tortured and shot in the head.

CUT TO:

PEOPLE CROSS THROUGH FRAME

Revealing airport departing gates.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
My dad volunteered to fight in World
War II because of Pearl Harbor.

INT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - NIGHT

The international departure terminal.

MURPHY (V.O.)
But you think he knew anybody in
Hawaii? No way.

WIDE SHOT

Two tiny figures walk toward CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
He was a West Virginia farmboy. But
these fuckers stepped on our soil.

The figures get closer.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
So he laced up his Army boots and
went to fight. It was his duty.

It's Murphy and Connie, walking into a TWO SHOT.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Cocaine in Miami? Powder from
Colombia? This was my war.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 51.

REVERSING, OVER SHOULDER as they board a plane. TILT UP to
see the departure sign: "Bogota, Colombia."

EXT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

The PLANE races down the runway.

MURPHY (V.O.)
This was my duty. And I was ready
to fight.

The airplane lifts off into the sky.

INT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - DAY

La Quica reports to Pablo.

PABLO
They killed Poison? Where?

LA QUICA
La Dispensaria.

PABLO
Who did it?

LA QUICA
I think it was Carillo. He got there
early the next day. But that DEA
guy was there taking pictures.

Pablo smolders for a beat.

PABLO
Raise the bounty.

LA QUICA
On Carillo?

PABLO
No. I'll pay half a million for the
head of a DEA agent.
(then)
Fucking gringos.

Off Pablo--

FADE OUT.

(TO BE CONTINUED)
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary Murphy contemplates his father's war experience and likens his own fight against the Colombian cocaine trade to a personal war. After a brutal attack on DAS agents, Murphy and Connie embark on a mission to Bogota. Meanwhile, Pablo Escobar, upon learning of Poison's death, raises the bounty on Carillo's head.
Strengths
  • Intense atmosphere
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Compelling conflict
Weaknesses
  • Potential for excessive violence
  • Lack of resolution for some plot points

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the intense and dark tone of the series, introducing key characters and conflicts while building suspense for future events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the escalating drug war, the moral dilemmas faced by law enforcement, and the ruthless nature of drug traffickers are well-established and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly, introducing key conflicts, character motivations, and setting up future confrontations between law enforcement and drug traffickers.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the drug war narrative, with authentic dialogue, complex characters, and a focus on internal conflicts. The actions and dialogue feel genuine and contribute to the authenticity of the story.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are intriguing and well-defined, with Pablo Escobar standing out as a ruthless and intelligent leader. Murphy's internal conflict adds depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

Murphy's internal conflict and Pablo's ruthless actions hint at potential character development and changes in future episodes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his duty and sense of responsibility in the face of the drug war. It reflects his deeper need for purpose and his desire to make a difference in a chaotic world.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to fight against drug trafficking and bring justice to those involved. It reflects the immediate circumstances of the drug war and the challenges he faces in his mission.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between law enforcement and drug traffickers, as well as internal conflicts faced by characters, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with complex challenges, moral dilemmas, and conflicting motivations that create uncertainty and suspense. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the characters will navigate the obstacles.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the drug trade, the escalating violence, and the personal risks faced by characters raise the tension and importance of the events unfolding.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward, setting up key events and conflicts that will drive the narrative forward.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, moral ambiguity, and character decisions that keep the audience on edge. The outcome is uncertain, adding to the tension and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between duty and personal values. The protagonist grapples with the moral implications of his actions in the face of a dangerous and corrupt world.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to moral contemplation, adding depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing character dynamics and motivations effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and complex character interactions. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the story and characters.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing character motivations, and advancing the plot. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The transition from the brutal scene of DAS Agents being tortured and shot in the head to Murphy's voiceover about his father's duty in World War II feels disjointed and lacks a smooth connection.
  • The voiceover narration by Murphy is informative but could be more emotionally engaging to draw the audience in and create a stronger connection to the character's motivations.
  • The dialogue between La Quica and Pablo lacks depth and complexity, missing an opportunity to delve into the characters' emotions and motivations further.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Pablo's declaration to raise the bounty on a DEA agent's head, leaving the audience hanging without a satisfying resolution or closure.
  • There is a lack of visual storytelling in this scene, with minimal description of the surroundings or character actions, making it feel flat and less immersive.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a smoother transition between the violent imagery of the DAS Agents and Murphy's personal reflections, enhancing the emotional impact.
  • Revise the voiceover narration to add more depth and personal connection to Murphy's character, allowing the audience to empathize with his internal struggles and motivations.
  • Develop the dialogue between La Quica and Pablo to reveal more about their relationship, dynamics, and conflicting emotions, adding layers to their interactions.
  • Provide a more conclusive ending to the scene by adding a moment of reflection or reaction from Pablo after deciding to raise the bounty, giving the audience a sense of closure.
  • Enhance the visual elements in the scene by incorporating detailed descriptions of the setting, character movements, and facial expressions to create a more vivid and engaging cinematic experience.