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Scene 1 -  Descenso
Executive Producer: Chris Brancato
Executive Producer: Eric Newman
Executive Producer: Jose Padilha


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"Descenso"
Episode #101

Written by
Chris Brancato

Directed by
Jose Padilha




May 13, 2014



Cold Mountain Productions
Grand Electric
Note to the reader:

The assumption is that you've seen our director Jose Padilha's
"Elite Squad" films and that it has painted a picture for
you of what a modernist and masculine Latin American cinematic
approach feels like: urgent, complex, fast-paced, hard-hitting
and epic. And since you get it, you will also get that the
voice over you are about to read should not be experienced
like anything typical to Hollywood. The level at which the
images will confront you visually while Murphy's voice is in
your head are the full journey that guides you through this
descent from the birth of narco-trafficking into the darkness
of what men will do to WIN.
FADE UP ON:

EXT. ANDES MOUNTAIN RANGE - AERIAL VIEW - TWILIGHT

CAMERA SWOOPS over lush inland jungles, snow-capped volcanoes,
lush valleys, and alpine lakes.

OPERATOR #1 (O.S.)
Centra Spike is a go, we've reached
twenty thousand feet.

A small BEECHCRAFT AIRPLANE flies into FRAME.

OPERATOR #2 (O.S.)
Commencing intercept operations, we
are at zero-four-two-nine.

OPERATOR #1 (O.S.)
Encryption units, stand-by. Let's
crawl into some heads.

EXT. BOGOTA - AERIAL VIEW - NIGHT

The city twinkles, bounded by the eastern cordillera of the
Andes Mountain Range.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Nowadays, the U.S. government can
listen to anything you say. They
know where you are, they know who
you're talking to, they probably
know who you're fucking. Turn on a
cell phone and you're doomed.

A chyron appears: "Bogota, Colombia 1989"

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But in Colombia in 1989, it wasn't
that easy. The only people who had
satellite phones were the filthy
rich. The landowners. The
politicians.

INT. FINCA - BOGOTA - NIGHT

CASH is stacked like cordwood.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Lucky for us, the Narcos were richer
than them all.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 2.

A couple of Makarov machine pistols lay on the table along
with a satellite phone. A HAND comes into FRAME.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Okay, good. He picked up the phone.

WIDENING, to reveal a mustachioed NARCO ("POISON") dialing a
number on his phone. A CONFEDERATE counts the cash.

POISON
(in Spanish)
Hello, Blackie? It's Poison. We're
going out tonight.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Now we owned him. And he didn't
even know it.

INT. BEECHCRAFT - NIGHT

Inside, we SEE a fifty-million-dollar spy plane crammed with
state-of-the-art electronic eavesdropping equipment. Two
MALE OPERATORS monitor calls on laptops.

MURPHY (V.O.)
We had software that identified the
specific voices of our targets.
When they talked, we listened.

AN ONBOARD COMPUTER

Providing instantaneous calculations. We HEAR the chatter
of intercepted phone calls in Spanish.

OPERATOR #1
We got Poison at 1400 to 1700
megahertz, gentlemen.

He scribbles notes on a pad: "POISON."

OPERATOR #2
Ground units, begin trilateration.

INT. VAN ON THE GROUND - NIGHT

Packed with surveillance gear. A TECHNICIAN in the back of
the van (American) checks his laptop.

TECHNICIAN
He's in the Zona Rosa.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 3.

OPERATOR #2 (O.S.)
Can you be more specific? Police
units are standing by.

INT. FINCA - BOGOTA - NIGHT

Poison knocks back an aguardiente.

POISON
(in Spanish)
La Dispensaria. I have a table
outside. Midnight.

INT. BEECHCRAFT - NIGHT

OPERATOR #1
Never mind. Negative on the ground
assault. This fuckwad just told us
where he's going.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Poison didn't know it, but he'd made
himself a date.

Operator #1 removes his headset.

OPERATOR #1
Who do we give this to? DEA?

OPERATOR #2
Yeah. Let's give it to Javier Peña.

OPERATOR #1
Peña's an asshole. I'm gonna give
it to the other guy.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary In this scene, the U.S. government is conducting surveillance on narcos in Colombia in 1989. They intercept a phone call from a narco named Poison, who unknowingly reveals his location. The government agents track his movements and plan to hand over the information to the DEA.
Strengths "Engaging dialogue, high-stakes conflict, and effective use of technology."
Weaknesses "Limited character development and emotional depth."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively establishes the tone and introduces the main conflict of the series. The dialogue is engaging, and the use of technology adds excitement and tension.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of using advanced surveillance technology to track narcos is intriguing and sets up the premise of the series.

Plot: 8

The plot moves forward as the government agents successfully track Poison's location and plan their next move.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and premise of the scene (surveillance of drug traffickers) are not entirely unique, the specific details and the writer's voice add freshness to the familiar situation. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also contributes to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are introduced through their actions and dialogue, but their personalities are not fully explored in this scene.

Character Changes: 5

There is minimal character development in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Murphy's internal goal is to gather intelligence on the Narcos and their operations. This reflects his deeper need to protect and serve his country, as well as his desire to make a difference in the fight against drug trafficking.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to intercept and gather information from the Narcos. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges Murphy is facing, as he is part of a team tasked with monitoring and tracking the Narcos' activities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the government and the narcos is established and drives the tension in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of intercepting and gathering information from the Narcos. The audience is unsure of how the operation will go and what obstacles the protagonist will encounter.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the government agents track the narcos and plan their next move.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by establishing the conflict and setting up the next plot point.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns in the plot. The audience is kept on their toes as they discover the protagonist's strategies and the Narcos' reactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is not a clear philosophical conflict evident in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene focuses more on action and suspense rather than emotional depth.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces the audience to the world of drug trafficking and surveillance in an intriguing and suspenseful way. The fast-paced action and the use of voiceover create a sense of urgency and captivate the viewer's attention.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast and intense rhythm. The quick cuts between different locations and the use of voiceover create a sense of urgency and keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action lines in a clear and organized manner.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot, introduces the characters and their goals, and progresses with a series of actions and dialogue that build tension and move the story forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks conflict, which can make it feel stagnant and uninteresting.
  • The dialogue is mostly exposition and lacks depth or nuance.
  • The visual element of technology intercepting phone calls and tracking Poison's location is not fully utilized or visually engaging.
  • The voiceover by Murphy feels heavy-handed and detracts from the potential tension and suspense of the scene.
  • The decision to give the information to someone other than Javier Peña feels arbitrary and lacks justification within the scene.
Suggestions
  • Introduce some conflict within the scene, such as a disagreement between the operators on how to proceed or a complication in tracking Poison's location.
  • Add more depth and nuance to the dialogue, perhaps by revealing more about the characters' motivations or personalities.
  • Find ways to visually engage the audience with the technology being used, such as through dynamic camera angles or visual effects.
  • Consider using the voiceover more sparingly or finding ways to integrate it more seamlessly into the scene.
  • Provide more justification for the decision to give the information to someone other than Javier Peña, such as by establishing a prior conflict or relationship between the characters involved.



Scene 2 -  Surveillance and Capture
INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - BOGOTA - NIGHT

STEVE MURPHY, 30s, stands amidst domestic chaos: a baby cries
loudly, the phone rings off the hook. He has the physicality
and charm of a West Virginia upbringing.

MURPHY (V.O.)
By the "other guy," he meant me. My
name is Steve Murphy. I'm DEA and
as you can see, I'm deeply embedded
in Colombia.

He receives into his arms a beautiful, crying COLOMBIAN BABY,
handed to him by CONNIE MURPHY, 30s.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 4.

CONNIE
Honey, can you change her?

Connie is effortlessly sexy, a former ER nurse. She moves
off to answer the phone. Murphy places the baby on the
changing table as though handling a live hand grenade.

CONNIE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
It's for you!

He grabs the phone, cradles it under his neck.

MURPHY
Hello?
(listens)
Okay. Hold on. Gimme a sec.

He puts the baby in her crib, and grabs a pen and scribbles
"Poison" and "La Dispensaria, 12AM" on a notepad.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Got it, thanks.

The baby starts to cry.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Hold on, sweetpea. Daddy's coming.

He dials another number.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
(on phone)
Poison will be at La Dispensaria at
around midnight with his crew.

Murphy grabs a new diaper from a stack.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I would've loved to go after Poison
myself, but DEA is restricted in a
foreign country.

Murphy fumbles some talcum into the diaper. He lifts the
BABY'S TINY BOTTOM to put it on.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
We're not supposed to do ground
operations. Our role's to "inform"
and "advise." So I did just what
you would do. I called the cops.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 5.

EXT. CAFE - BOGOTA - NIGHT

HORATIO CARILLO, 30s, a well-dressed Colombian with a cheery
demeanor, talks on a clunky cell phone.

CARILLO
La Dispensaria. Copy that.

He clicks off, smiles at his dinner companion.

CARILLO (CONT'D)
Guess who that was? Your partner.

We see JAVIER PEÑA, 30s, Mexican-American, enjoying his
scotch. He's casual in a collared shirt and jeans.

CARILLO (CONT'D)
(rising)
Gotta go.

PEÑA
Gonna stick me with the bill, huh?

CARILLO
I have to get the gift your partner
just delivered.

PEÑA
No kidding. Who?

CARILLO
Poison.

He starts off, turns back.

CARILLO (CONT'D)
Does your buddy know how I'm gonna
package it?

PEÑA
Oh yeah. He's no fool. I'll get
the bill, you cheap sonofabitch.

Carillo turns and walks toward CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Colonel Carillo was one of the leaders
of "Search Bloc," a unit we helped
create to capture the bad guys.
(MORE)
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 6.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But at heart he was like any Colombian
police officer. He didn't have a
lot of love for the Narcos.

CUT TO:

CHA-CHUCK. A SHOTGUN is cocked.

CARILLO
(in Spanish)
We're on, fellas.

INT. SPECIAL OPS VAN - NIGHT

Carillo addresses six MEN IN BODY ARMOR. The van's an armory:
Browning rifles, H&K small machine guns, etc. The men pull
on ski masks.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Midnight in the Zona Rosa. Party
time.

EXT. LA DISPENSARIA - NIGHT

The Zona Rosa is alive with music, revelers, excitement.
SEVEN TOUGH MEN are seated at an outdoor table. Poison is
packing his Makarov in a fancy leather holster.

POISON
(in Spanish)
Come join us, beautiful!

He's propositioning a DOE-EYED COLOMBIAN GIRL walking down
the street. His men make catcalls.

ANGLE - THE DOE-EYED COLOMBIAN GIRL

She smiles, pretends she's interested. She knows better
than to ignore these men.

WIDE SHOT - LA DISPENSARIA

The restaurant. The beautiful girl. The dealers.

SURE SHOT
(in Spanish)
Hey, Beauty Queen! We're ugly but
we're rich!

BAM! His head blows off. Everyone goes for their weapons.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 7.

CAMERA WHIP PANS

The Men in Body Armor advance, guns blazing as we--

FREEZE FRAME

FADE TO BLACK.

A long beat. Dead silence.

FADE UP ON:

EXT. LA DISPENSARIA - SUNRISE

A SHUTTER clicks, a photo taken. Bodies lay splayed across
the outdoor cafe. A bloodbath.

MURPHY (O.S.)
Javi, we hit a home run.

REVERSING, to find Steve Murphy with a camera and a phone.
He steps into a cordoned crime scene, with EIGHT CORPSES and
a dozen COLOMBIAN NATIONAL POLICE.

MURPHY (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Got "Poison." We got "Bad Mouth."
We got "Blackie." Three or four of
them I can't ID.

Colonel Carillo squats over one of the corpses. He turns
his face TOWARDS CAMERA.

CARILLO
(in Spanish)
Murphy, you won't believe this.

He gestures to a dead body. Face half blown off.

MURPHY
Javier, we got a bonus. "Sure Shot"
has met his maker.
(another look)
At least I think it's "Sure Shot."

INTERCUT WITH:

CLOSE - ON JAVIER PEÑA

PEÑA
No shit! He was there?! Great.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 8.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary DEA agent Steve Murphy, who is deeply embedded in Colombia, receives a phone call from a narco named Poison, unknowingly revealing his location. Murphy quickly writes down the information and calls the Colombian police to inform them. Meanwhile, Colonel Carillo and Javier Peña discuss the situation at a cafe. Carillo organizes a special ops team to capture Poison and his crew at La Dispensaria. The scene ends with a bloody shootout and the capture of several narcos, including Poison.
Strengths "Intense action, suspenseful atmosphere, well-executed surveillance and capture operation"
Weaknesses "Limited character development, some dialogue could be more impactful"

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and filled with suspense and action. It effectively sets up the conflict and showcases the high stakes involved in the operation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of conducting surveillance on narcos and coordinating with local law enforcement to capture them is a compelling and well-executed idea.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed and moves at a fast pace. It introduces the conflict, builds tension, and resolves with a dramatic shootout.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a DEA agent working in a foreign country and the theme of drug enforcement are familiar, the specific details and actions of the characters are unique. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their actions and dialogue contribute to the overall tension and suspense of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets up the potential for character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully carry out a mission to capture the drug dealer Poison. This goal reflects his desire to fulfill his duty as a DEA agent and his need to prove himself in a foreign country.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to gather information about Poison's whereabouts and inform the Colombian police. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of capturing a dangerous criminal and the circumstances of being restricted in a foreign country.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and reaches its peak during the shootout at La Dispensaria.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges and obstacles in his mission to capture Poison. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high as the government and Colombian police aim to capture dangerous narcos and dismantle their operations.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by capturing several narcos and escalating the conflict between law enforcement and the narcos.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected obstacles and challenges for the protagonist, such as the restrictions placed on the DEA in a foreign country and the presence of the Search Bloc unit. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in following the rules and his desire to take direct action. This conflict challenges his values as a DEA agent and his worldview of law enforcement.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes tension and suspense, keeping the audience emotionally engaged.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is concise and serves the purpose of conveying important information and building character relationships.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces a high-stakes mission and creates tension through the chaotic domestic environment and the protagonist's determination to capture the drug dealer. The fast-paced dialogue and action keep the audience invested in the scene.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and tension. The fast-paced dialogue and action keep the scene moving forward and maintain the audience's interest.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action descriptions in a clear and organized manner.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with an establishing shot and introduces the protagonist's internal and external goals. The scene then progresses with a series of actions and dialogue that build tension and lead to a cliffhanger ending.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a lot of chaos and noise, which can be distracting and overwhelming for the audience. Consider toning down the chaos and focusing on the main actions and dialogue.
  • The introduction of the Colombian baby and Connie Murphy feels unnecessary and doesn't add much to the scene. Consider removing or minimizing their presence to streamline the scene.
  • The dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and exposition-heavy. Try to find more subtle and natural ways to convey information to the audience.
  • The transition between Murphy receiving the call and the scene at La Dispensaria feels abrupt and disjointed. Consider adding a smoother transition or connecting the two scenes more effectively.
  • The shootout at La Dispensaria is described in a freeze frame and then immediately jumps to the aftermath. This can be confusing and disorienting for the audience. Consider showing the shootout in real-time and then transitioning to the aftermath.
  • The dialogue between Murphy and Carillo discussing the success of the operation feels a bit forced and unnatural. Try to make the conversation more organic and authentic.
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension. Consider adding more suspense or conflict to make the scene more engaging for the audience.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with a quieter and more focused atmosphere to avoid overwhelming the audience.
  • Consider removing or minimizing the presence of the Colombian baby and Connie Murphy to streamline the scene.
  • Find more subtle and natural ways to convey information to the audience instead of relying on exposition-heavy dialogue.
  • Create a smoother transition between Murphy receiving the call and the scene at La Dispensaria to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Show the shootout at La Dispensaria in real-time and then transition to the aftermath to avoid confusion and disorientation.
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Murphy and Carillo to make it more organic and authentic.
  • Introduce more suspense or conflict to make the scene more engaging for the audience.



Scene 3 -  The Bloodbath
INT. UNITED STATES EMBASSY - BOGOTA - DAY

Peña stands in the DEA offices of the Embassy, beside a "tree
chart" of numerous traffickers and sicarios (hit men).

MURPHY (V.O.)
Peña had wanted that motherfucker
off the tree for months.

PEÑA
I'm so happy I'll even forgive those
assholes at Centra Spike for giving
the intel to you.

MURPHY (O.S.)
Hell, I'm prettier than you are.

Peña removes a MUGSHOT of Juan Corrales Botero, aka "Sure
Shot," from the trafficker tree. He thinks of something,
stops yanking pictures--

PEÑA
Any humans involved?

MURPHY
Yeah. A bystander caught a stray.

ON MURPHY, walking toward a sprawled body.

CLOSE - ON THE DOE-EYED COLOMBIAN GIRL.

She lays face up, eyes glassy in death, a clean bullet hole
in her temple. Murphy's VOICE carries over--

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I wouldn't blame you if you held me
responsible for this bloodbath.

CLICK. REVERSING, to find MURPHY, peering through his camera.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Yeah, I pushed the buttons. But
don't call me a bad guy just yet.

He lowers the camera as we --

FREEZE FRAME: MURPHY

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Good and bad are relative concepts.

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 9.

PRESIDENT NIXON, giving a speech. (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

PRESIDENT NIXON
The more you stay in this kind of
job, the more you realize that a
public figure, a major public figure,
is a lonely man.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Take Richard Nixon, for instance.
People forget, but 47 million
Americans voted for Nixon. We thought
he was one of the good guys.

GENERAL PINOCHET, the dictator of Chile. (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

GENERAL PINOCHET
The rich people are those who create
wealth, and you have to treat them
well so they continue to give wealth.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And Nixon thought Chilean General
Augusto Pinochet was a good guy `cause
he hated the commies. So we helped
Pinochet seize power.

CHILEAN DEATH SQUADS, slaughter and civilian protest, the
March of the Disappeared. (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Then Pinochet turned around and killed
thousands of people. Maybe not such
a good guy after all.

EXT. JUNGLE - CHILE - DAY

Thick, forested northern Chile.

MURPHY (V.O.)
But sometimes bad guys do good things.
To kiss Nixon's ass, Pinochet went
after the cocaine labs.

EXT. DEEP JUNGLE LAB - CHILE - DAY

A tented jungle lab with white-smocked WORKERS.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Nobody knows this, but back in `73
Chile was on its way to being the
(MORE)
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 10.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
world's biggest cocaine processing
and exporting center. They had
jungles to hide the labs and miles
of unpatrolled coastline to send the
product north.

CUT TO:

CHILEAN SOLDIERS crash through the forest.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But Pinochet spoiled the party. He
shut down 33 labs and arrested 346
drug dealers.

The SOLDIERS invade the lab. DRUG WORKERS quickly give
themselves up, lacing hands behind their heads. One of them
is MATEO MORENO, a low-level manager.

EXT. DEEP JUNGLE LAB - CHILE - LATER

A bunch of DEALERS, hands tied behind them, are lined up in
front of a firing squad.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And then-- being Pinochet-- he had
them all killed.

Moreno is scared shitless. His body quivers.

CHILEAN SOLDIER
(in Spanish)
Ready. Aim. Fire.

A FUSILLADE OF GUNFIRE. The dealers collapse.

EXT. JUNGLE - CHILE - LATER

SOLDIERS toss the bodies in a mass grave.

MURPHY (V.O.)
They say when a nuclear holocaust
destroys the world, only the
cockroaches will survive.

CLOSE - ON A MASS GRAVE

Beneath the corpses, there is movement. A solitary man fights
his way out of the grave, frantically pushing aside the bodies
to emerge, covered in blood.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 11.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I guess they were right.

CLOSE - MATEO MORENO, wild-eyed.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The bullets missed Mateo Moreno, aka
"Cockroach," and he was smart enough
to play dead. He wasn't killed on
that day...

INT. SHACK - CHILE - DAY

Cockroach bursts through the door.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Instead, he won the damn lottery.

His WIFE approaches, horrified.

COCKROACH
Start packing. We have to leave the
country. Pinochet wants to kill me.

COCKROACH'S WIFE
You're a communist?!

COCKROACH
No, I'm a fucking drug dealer!

CLOSE: ON A DRAWER

Cockroach slides it open to reveal a KILO OF COKE.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cockroach had been stealing from his
bosses for months. Now he was left
alone in the world with the perfect
product. A product whose offer
creates its own demand.

CUT TO:

OVERHEAD SHOT - A MAZE

A RAT scurries through the maze at lightning speed.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Back then, we were just finding out
about the effects of cocaine on the
human brain. We didn't know much,
but we knew it was powerful shit.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 12.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary DEA agent Steve Murphy receives a phone call from a narco named Poison, unknowingly revealing his location. Murphy quickly writes down the information and calls the Colombian police to inform them. Meanwhile, Colonel Carillo and Javier Peña discuss the situation at a cafe. Carillo organizes a special ops team to capture Poison and his crew at La Dispensaria. The scene ends with a bloody shootout and the capture of several narcos, including Poison.
Strengths "The scene effectively builds tension and showcases the moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The action and conflict are intense and engaging."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and memorable."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and showcases the high stakes involved in the operation. The moral dilemma faced by the characters adds depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of surveillance and undercover operations in the war against drug cartels is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 9

The plot is fast-paced and gripping, with the capture of Poison and the shootout providing intense action.

Originality: 0


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear. The moral conflict faced by Murphy adds depth to his character.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character development in this scene, Murphy's moral conflict sets the stage for potential changes in his character.

Internal Goal: 0

External Goal: 0


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the DEA agents and the narcos, as well as the internal conflict faced by Murphy, creates a high level of tension.

Opposition: 0

High Stakes: 10

The high stakes are evident in the dangerous operation to capture Poison and the potential consequences of failure.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by capturing Poison and his crew, advancing the plot and escalating the conflict.

Unpredictability: 0

Philosophical Conflict: 0


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits strong emotions through the portrayal of the bloody shootout and the death of the innocent Colombian girl.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters, but could be more impactful.

Engagement: 0

Pacing: 0


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 0

Structure: 0


Critique
  • The scene starts with Peña removing a mugshot from the trafficker tree, but it is not clear why he is doing this or what significance it holds. This lack of clarity makes it difficult for the audience to fully understand the purpose of the scene.
  • The transition from Peña removing the mugshot to Murphy walking towards the body of the young Colombian girl feels abrupt and disjointed. There needs to be a smoother transition or connection between these two actions.
  • The use of archival footage of President Nixon and General Pinochet, as well as footage of Chilean soldiers invading a jungle lab, feels out of place and disconnected from the rest of the scene. It is not clear how these historical examples relate to the conversation between Peña and Murphy.
  • The dialogue between Peña and Murphy about good and bad being relative concepts is interesting, but it feels forced and heavy-handed. The conversation lacks subtlety and nuance, making it less impactful and thought-provoking.
  • The introduction of Mateo Moreno, aka 'Cockroach,' at the end of the scene feels rushed and abrupt. There needs to be more build-up and context for his character and his actions.
  • The scene lacks a clear resolution or conclusion. It ends abruptly with the introduction of Mateo Moreno, leaving the audience with unanswered questions and a lack of closure.
Suggestions
  • Provide more context and clarity for Peña removing the mugshot from the trafficker tree. Explain why this action is significant and how it relates to the overall story.
  • Create a smoother transition or connection between Peña removing the mugshot and Murphy discovering the body of the young Colombian girl. This could be done through visual cues or dialogue that links these two actions together.
  • Reconsider the use of archival footage and make sure it is directly relevant to the conversation between Peña and Murphy. If it doesn't serve a clear purpose, consider removing it or finding a more effective way to convey the same information.
  • Refine the dialogue between Peña and Murphy about good and bad being relative concepts. Find a way to make the conversation more natural and organic, allowing the audience to engage with the ideas being discussed.
  • Build up the introduction of Mateo Moreno, aka 'Cockroach,' by providing more context and backstory for his character. This will make his appearance at the end of the scene more impactful and meaningful.
  • Create a clearer resolution or conclusion for the scene. This could be achieved by tying up loose ends, answering unanswered questions, or providing a sense of closure for the audience.



Scene 4 -  Cocaine and Smuggling
INT. LABORATORY - STANFORD UNIVERSITY - DAY

The rat reaches the end of the maze and hits a lever.

WIDER, to reveal a PROFESSOR instructing a STUDENT.

PROFESSOR
Make sure the retractable levers are
extended into the box.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cocaine hijacks pleasure centers in
the brain. A rat will choose cocaine
over food and water.

PROFESSOR
Record locomotor activity after the
subject self-administers.

CLOSE - ON THE RAT

It hits the LEVER again and again.

MURPHY (V.O.)
It will choose cocaine over sleep,
over sex, over life itself.

WIDER, as the Professor walks out--

PROFESSOR
Make sure you refill the Merck
containers as needed. Let's see if
self-administration leads to
starvation.

He exits. The Student examines the vial of flaky-pink Merck
cocaine, pours some on the counter.

MURPHY (V.O.)
The human brain isn't quite the same
as a rodent's...

The Student SNORTS a line of coke.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Unless we're talking about cocaine.

EXT. BORDER - PERU/COLOMBIA - DAY

Cockroach's Renault pulls to a checkpoint. His wife sits in
the passenger seat.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 13.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cockroach knew he had the perfect
product. He just needed to smuggle
it to the right markets. And the
best smugglers in the world were in
Colombia.

The sign above the border patrol says: "COLOMBIA."

CUT TO:

A QUARTER HORSE, doing "dainty-steps" in a ring.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Like Goldilocks, he had three options.
And pay attention, because all three
are important to this story.

EXT. HORSE RIDING RING - MEDELLÍN - DAY

A horse show. FABIO OCHOA rides a "dainty-step" quarter
horse as its hooves blur with mincing, cartoon-like speed.

MURPHY (V.O.)
The Ochoa Brothers: Jorge, Juan David,
and that's Fabio. The typical
Colombian smuggling family: they
made a fortune from contraband.

Brothers JUAN DAVID and JORGE, wearing Polo shirts next to
their beautiful GIRLFRIENDS, applaud.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
They were smart and handsome, but
Cockroach felt the high life had
made them soft...

The horse is so steady that Fabio balances a teacup on his
head without dropping it.

CUT TO:

CLOSE - JOSE RODRIGUEZ GACHA

Steps into FRAME, wearing a sombrero and holding a carbine.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
There was Jose Rodriguez Gacha -
nicknamed "The Mexican" for his love
of tequila and sombreros. He
dominated the emerald smuggling
routes.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 14.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary DEA agent Steve Murphy receives a phone call from a narco named Poison, unknowingly revealing his location. Murphy quickly writes down the information and calls the Colombian police to inform them. Meanwhile, Colonel Carillo and Javier Peña discuss the situation at a cafe. Carillo organizes a special ops team to capture Poison and his crew at La Dispensaria. The scene ends with a bloody shootout and the capture of several narcos, including Poison.
Strengths
  • Suspenseful pacing
  • Action-packed shootout
  • Informative insights into the drug trade
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more impactful
  • Limited emotional engagement

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds suspense and tension while providing important information about the drug trade. The action-packed shootout adds excitement and keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the surveillance and capture of narcos involved in the drug trade, is well-executed and engaging.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is well-developed, with the interception of the phone call leading to the planning and execution of a capture operation.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of studying the effects of cocaine on rats is not entirely unique, the specific details and the inclusion of different characters and settings add some freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue is believable and realistic.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are introduced and their roles in the drug trade are established, adding depth and complexity to the story.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it sets the stage for potential character development in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that they are interested in studying the effects of cocaine on rats and understanding the impact of self-administration on their behavior. This reflects their curiosity and desire to gain knowledge in the field of neuroscience.

External Goal: 6

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to conduct experiments on rats and record their locomotor activity after self-administering cocaine. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing in their research.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, from the interception of the phone call to the shootout, creating a high-stakes and intense atmosphere.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in this scene is moderate. While there are challenges and obstacles present, they are not extremely difficult to overcome and the outcome is somewhat predictable.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high in this scene, with the capture of narcos and the potential for violence and danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key information, establishing conflicts, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces different characters and settings, leaving the audience curious about how these elements will connect and impact the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes tension and suspense, but could benefit from deeper emotional engagement with the characters.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue serves its purpose in conveying necessary information and advancing the plot, but it could be more impactful and memorable.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces multiple settings and characters, raises questions about the research being conducted, and sets up the premise of the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective as it moves between different settings and characters, keeping the audience engaged and interested in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, characters, and their goals in a clear and concise manner.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension. It feels more like an exposition dump than a scene that moves the story forward.
  • The use of voiceover is excessive and takes away from the visual storytelling.
  • The transition between the lab and the border checkpoint feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The visual elements, such as the rat hitting the lever and the horse show, feel disconnected from the main story and do not add much to the scene.
  • The dialogue is mostly exposition and lacks depth or character development.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a clear conflict or tension in the scene, such as a disagreement between the Professor and the Student on the ethics of their experiment.
  • Use visual storytelling to convey the effects of cocaine on the rat and the Student, rather than relying on voiceover.
  • Find a smoother transition between the lab and the border checkpoint, perhaps by introducing a character who connects the two locations.
  • Use visual elements that are more directly related to the main story and characters, such as showing the Ochoa Brothers and Jose Rodriguez Gacha in action.
  • Add more character development and depth to the dialogue, perhaps by having the Student question the morality of their experiment or the drug smugglers reflect on their choices.



Scene 5 -  The Showdown at La Dispensaria
INT. LUXURY FINCA - MEDELLÍN - NIGHT

REVERSING, to find a sophisticated cocktail party.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Emeralds were a pretty rough trade
even by Colombian standards. If you
make it to the top, it means you've
killed your enemies and...

GACHA'S PARTNER
Hey partner, what are you doing here?

Gacha and two GUNMEN mow down the party guests with their
machine guns. Smokey, horrible carnage.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cockroach worried that the emerald
trade had made Gacha too hard...

Gacha and his men exit the party.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
So he zeroed in on his third option.
A man who Cockroach knew would be
"just right..."

TIGHT: ON PABLO ESCOBAR

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Yeah. You guessed it. Pablo Escobar.
The man who would change my life
forever.

Pablo calmly pops a Chiclet in his mouth. He's driving in
the front seat of a jeep.

CAMERA PULLING BACK

To reveal his cousin GUSTAVO, late 20s, as passenger.

CAMERA RISES HIGHER

There's a FOUR-AXLE TRUCK driving behind the jeep.

RISING STILL HIGHER - OVERHEAD SHOT

Thirty TRUCKS behind the jeep, passing through FRAME.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 15.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Pablo was making a killing in the
smuggling business. Stolen goods,
cigarettes, alcohol, marijuana, you
name it. If there was a market,
Pablo would supply it.

CUT TO:

OVER THE SHOULDER: A COP

A police checkpoint. Pablo pulls to a stop. There are ten
heavily armed DAS AGENTS.

MURPHY (V.O.)
At that time, Pablo owned every
policeman in Medellín. But DAS was
Colombia's version of the FBI. They
didn't play by the same rules.

A DAS AGENT steps up to the jeep.

PABLO
Good day.

DAS AGENT
Are you Pablo Escobar?

PABLO
Yes. Where's Felipo?

DAS AGENT
He's been arrested.

DAS Agent gestures. Felipo's being dragged to an unmarked
sedan in handcuffs. He's been beaten to a pulp.

PABLO
Hey, this is bullshit, man. Felipo
works for me.

DAS AGENT
He used to work for you. Now he's
going to jail.

GUSTAVO
Do you know who you're talking to?

DAS AGENT
Shut the fuck up.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 16.

PABLO
Please, Gustavo. Show respect. Let
Mr. Herrera speak.

DAS AGENT
How do you know my name?

PABLO
(pointing)
You're Colonel Jose Luis Herrera.
That's Nacho Ibarra. There's Garcia.
Lopez. Pinella. Esperanza.

The DAS AGENTS are stunned. How does he know their names?

HERRERA
Open the fucking trucks.

CUT TO:

A TRUCK PANEL DOOR ROLLS OPEN.

Pablo and Herrera stand by the truck. Other DAS AGENTS
inspect the contents: crates of Johnny Walker, Marlboros,
television sets and toys.

HERRERA
Who the fuck do you think you are?
You don't even bother to hide your
contraband?

PABLO
I pay for the privilege.

NACHO IBARRA peers down at Pablo from inside the truck.

IBARRA
Where are your import papers? You
need the papers for these TV sets.

PABLO
Take the television.

IBARRA
Sorry, Escobar. We're not Medellín
cops making fifty pesos a week.

PABLO
It's not for you. It's for Carlito.
Your son. Wouldn't he like a TV in
his room?
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 17.

Ibarra is shocked. But Pablo's turned his attention to
another agent on the truck.

PABLO (CONT'D)
Hey, Pinella. Your daughter just
got her driver's license, right?
Pioneer makes a nice car stereo.

He turns to yet another guy.

PABLO (CONT'D)
Lopez. Your wife is beautiful.
What's she doing with a guy like
you? I think she deserves some
jewelry. Should I get a couple of
my guys to drop it off?

The DAS Agents, at first so tough and sure of themselves,
are now soft as jello.

PABLO (CONT'D)
(calmly)
Gentlemen, let me tell you who I am.
I am Pablo Fucking Escobar. My eyes
are everywhere. You can't do a
goddamn thing in Antioquia without
me knowing about it. I'm going to
be President of Colombia one day.

The DAS Agents are transfixed.

PABLO (CONT'D)
I make deals for a living. You can
accept my deal or accept the
consequences for not taking it.

From each of the thirty truck cabs, DRIVERS emerge with tire
irons, guns, clubs. One of them we recognize as--

POISON

AR-15 assault rifle propped on his arm.

PABLO

pulls a wad of cash.

PABLO (CONT'D)
Silver or lead. Your choice. Now
why don't we negotiate a bit and we
can all leave happy. Deal?
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 18.

Over this, the sounds of merriment...

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary DEA agent Steve Murphy receives a phone call from a narco named Poison, unknowingly revealing his location. Murphy quickly writes down the information and calls the Colombian police to inform them. Meanwhile, Colonel Carillo and Javier Peña discuss the situation at a cafe. Carillo organizes a special ops team to capture Poison and his crew at La Dispensaria. The scene ends with a bloody shootout and the capture of several narcos, including Poison.
Strengths "The intense and suspenseful atmosphere, the well-executed action sequences, and the high-stakes conflict."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more memorable and the character changes are minimal."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and filled with tension, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats. The action-packed shootout and the capture of the narcos create a thrilling climax.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, which revolves around the DEA intercepting a phone call and organizing a raid on the narcos, is well-executed and contributes to the overall plot.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is tightly woven and progresses the overall story by showcasing the DEA's efforts to capture the narcos and disrupt the drug trade.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and themes of violence and corruption are familiar in crime dramas, the specific details and interactions between the characters add a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly DEA agent Steve Murphy and Colonel Carillo, are well-developed and their actions drive the plot forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in the scene, the actions of the characters reveal their determination and resolve.

Internal Goal: 7

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is not explicitly stated, but it can be inferred that Murphy's internal goal is to survive and navigate the dangerous world of the emerald trade and drug smuggling. This reflects his deeper need for self-preservation and his desire to protect himself and those close to him.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to establish a connection with Pablo Escobar and potentially form a partnership. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges Murphy is facing, as he needs to align himself with a powerful figure in order to navigate the dangerous world he is in.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and high-stakes, with the DEA facing off against the narcos in a bloody shootout.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with heavily armed DAS agents who challenge his authority and power. The audience does not know how the protagonist will overcome this obstacle, adding to the tension and unpredictability of the scene.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are incredibly high, with the DEA risking their lives to capture the dangerous narcos and disrupt the drug trade.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by showcasing the DEA's progress in their mission to capture the narcos.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns in the plot. The audience does not know how the protagonist will navigate the dangerous situation or what the outcome will be.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the corrupt and violent world of the emerald trade and drug smuggling, and the protagonist's own moral compass. This conflict challenges Murphy's beliefs and values, as he is forced to navigate a world where violence and corruption are the norm.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits strong emotions from the audience, particularly through the intense action and the capture of the narcos.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and conflict between the characters, but could benefit from more memorable lines.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces a high-stakes situation and creates tension through the actions and dialogue of the characters. The violence and danger depicted in the scene captivate the audience's attention and make them invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of tension and urgency. The quick and concise scene direction and dialogue keep the scene moving at a fast pace, capturing the intensity of the moment.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene is properly formatted with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue. The action lines are concise and effectively convey the visuals and atmosphere of the scene.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It begins with a description of the setting, followed by character actions and dialogue that drive the scene forward. The scene ends with a cliffhanger, leaving the audience wanting to know what will happen next.


Critique
  • The scene starts abruptly without any transition or establishing shot, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The use of voiceover narration is excessive and can be distracting. It would be more effective to show the events unfolding visually rather than relying on narration to explain them.
  • The dialogue feels forced and lacks subtlety. The characters' lines are too on-the-nose and don't sound natural.
  • The scene lacks tension and suspense, which is a missed opportunity given the context and setting.
  • The visual descriptions are vague and don't provide enough detail to create a clear mental image for the reader.
  • The scene lacks conflict and resolution, making it feel stagnant and unengaging.
  • The archival footage and historical references feel out of place and disrupt the flow of the scene.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or sense of closure.
Suggestions
  • Start the scene with an establishing shot of the luxury finca to provide context and set the tone.
  • Consider showing the events unfolding visually rather than relying on voiceover narration to explain them.
  • Rewrite the dialogue to make it more natural and subtle, allowing the characters' personalities to come through.
  • Introduce conflict and tension into the scene to make it more engaging and suspenseful.
  • Provide more specific and vivid visual descriptions to create a clear mental image for the reader.
  • Consider removing the archival footage and historical references to maintain a consistent tone and flow.
  • Give the scene a clear resolution or sense of closure to provide a satisfying ending.



Scene 6 -  Drug Deal and Capture
INT. BAR - MEDELLÍN - NIGHT

Pablo and Gustavo are drinking beer in a raucous bar filled
with pretty girls. They're drunk and happy.

PABLO
It's an interesting proposal.

REVERSING, we see Cockroach. His leather bag rests on the
table with the KILO OF COKE clearly visible.

COCKROACH
If you're with me, I can take you to
Peru. Show you where I buy the paste.
You smuggle it here, I teach you how
to turn it into powder. Then we
sell it all over Colombia.

GUSTAVO
How much does it cost?

COCKROACH
In Chile, we sold it for ten dollars
a gram.

PABLO
You sell it by the gram?

Cockroach dumps a line onto the table.

COCKROACH
This much keeps a person flying for
twenty minutes. When the effect
wears off, you want more.

He sniffs the line with a rolled-up bill. Pablo and Gustavo
share a glance.

GUSTAVO
(to Pablo)
If this shit is so good, we could
find room on our trucks.

COCKROACH
We move it to all the major cities:
Bogota, Cartegna, Baranquilla. We'll
make a fortune.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 19.

PABLO
You think small, my friend.
(then)
If it costs ten dollars a gram here,
how much do you think it will cost
in Miami?

CUT TO:

EXT. SOUTH BEACH - MIAMI - DAY

A wide expanse of white sand beach and pearl blue ocean.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Back then, Miami was a paradise.
I'd signed up for the sand, surf and
women.

A chyron appears:

"Miami, 1979."

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
In `79, the bad guys I was chasing
wore flip-flops--

CLOSE: ON FLIP-FLOPS

Slapping across the pavement. TILT UP to reveal TWO SURFERS
(one with a backpack) racing PAST CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I was a young DEA agent, partnered
with my buddy Kevin Samms.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Stop, DEA!

Murphy sprints past CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Kevin had a few pounds to lose.

NEW ANGLE: KEVIN SAMMS

Overweight, huffing for breath.

WIDER

Murphy (younger) and Kevin, 20s, chase the Surfers down on
the promenade. One of the Surfers trips over his flip-flops,
smashes to the ground.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 20.

The other Surfer tumbles over the prone body of his friend.

CLOSE - ON MURPHY

Gun out, ultra-serious, pouncing on the Surfers.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Face down. Gimme hands!

Murphy cuffs the Surfer. Kevin arrives, huffing.

KEVIN
He told you to stop, you sonsabitches!

He grabs the backpack off the ground.

MURPHY
What do we got?

Kevin opens the backpack and extracts a large pillow of
MARIJUANA wrapped in plastic.

KEVIN
We got ourselves a promotion, my
man. Let's celebrate.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary DEA agent Steve Murphy receives a phone call from a narco named Poison, unknowingly revealing his location. Murphy quickly writes down the information and calls the Colombian police to inform them. Meanwhile, Colonel Carillo and Javier Peña discuss the situation at a cafe. Carillo organizes a special ops team to capture Poison and his crew at La Dispensaria. The scene ends with a bloody shootout and the capture of several narcos, including Poison.
Strengths "The scene is filled with tension and suspense, with a well-executed capture and shootout sequence. The pacing is engaging and the stakes are high."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be further improved to enhance the impact of the scene."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and filled with tension, with the capture of narcos and the shootout adding to the excitement. The pacing is well-maintained, and the stakes are high.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of an undercover DEA agent receiving a phone call from a narco and taking immediate action to inform the police is intriguing and keeps the audience hooked.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed and moves forward with the capture of narcos and the shootout. It keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the concept of drug smuggling has been explored in various films and TV shows, the specific details and dialogue in this scene provide a fresh approach to the subject matter. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their actions and decisions drive the plot forward. The audience can empathize with the DEA agent and feel the tension between the characters.

Character Changes: 7

The capture of narcos and the intense situation may lead to changes in the characters' perspectives and actions in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assess the potential of the drug smuggling proposal and consider the financial opportunities it presents. This reflects their desire for wealth and power.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to evaluate the feasibility of the drug smuggling operation and its potential profitability. This goal reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing in their criminal enterprise.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with the DEA agent's location being revealed and the subsequent shootout and capture of narcos. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist is faced with a moral dilemma and potential consequences of engaging in drug trafficking. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will respond.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in this scene, with the DEA agent's location being revealed and the potential danger he faces. The shootout and capture of narcos add to the intensity.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly with the capture of narcos and the escalation of the conflict. It sets the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a new opportunity for the protagonist and leaves the audience wondering how they will respond to the drug smuggling proposal.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene. The protagonist is faced with the moral dilemma of engaging in illegal drug trafficking and the potential consequences it may have on their personal values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of tension, suspense, and excitement. The audience is invested in the outcome and the safety of the characters.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying the urgency and tension of the situation. It provides necessary information and moves the plot forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation and introduces a potential turning point in the narrative. The dialogue and actions of the characters create tension and intrigue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by gradually building tension and suspense. The dialogue and actions are paced in a way that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and presents the conflict and potential opportunities.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a clear setting and establishes the tone of a raucous bar filled with pretty girls. This helps to create a lively and exciting atmosphere.
  • The dialogue between the characters is engaging and reveals their motivations and plans. It effectively conveys the proposal to smuggle cocaine from Peru to Colombia and sell it all over the country.
  • The visual element of Cockroach dumping a line of cocaine onto the table adds a sense of danger and excitement to the scene.
  • The transition to the next scene in Miami is abrupt and could be smoother. It would benefit from a clearer connection or transition between the two locations.
  • The voiceover narration by Murphy provides context and background information, but it feels slightly disconnected from the scene. It could be integrated more seamlessly into the dialogue or action.
  • The chase scene in Miami feels somewhat out of place and unrelated to the previous scene. It interrupts the flow of the story and could be better integrated or omitted altogether.
  • The dialogue between Murphy and Kevin during the chase scene feels forced and unnatural. It could be rewritten to sound more authentic and in line with their characters.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or transition to the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a transition or connection between the bar scene in Medellín and the scene in Miami to create a smoother flow.
  • Integrate the voiceover narration by Murphy more seamlessly into the dialogue or action to avoid a disconnected feel.
  • Reconsider the inclusion of the chase scene in Miami or find a way to better integrate it into the overall story.
  • Rewrite the dialogue between Murphy and Kevin during the chase scene to sound more authentic and in line with their characters.
  • Provide a clearer resolution or transition at the end of the scene to lead into the next scene.



Scene 7 -  The Prank
INT. BAR - MIAMI - NIGHT

Thumping music, filled with partyers. Kevin sits with other
DEA GUYS, celebrating their bust. In the background, Murphy
is getting another pitcher at the bar.

DEA #1
Who do we pick?

DEA #2
How about her?

DEA #2 points to a BLONDE GIRL at another table.

KEVIN
No, no. Let's fuck him up.

DEA GUY #1
Let's mess with his head.

KEVIN
Yeah, let's go for her.

THEIR P.O.V. - CONNIE
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 21.

Connie - seen at the top of the script - sits at the bar
with a FRIEND.

DEA #1 (O.S.)
She's hot.

MURPHY

returns with a cold pitcher of beer. Unaware that he's about
to be the subject of a prank.

KEVIN
Hey, Murph, Sparrow 3 o'clock,
checking you out.

Kevin chin nods to Connie. Murphy steals a glance.

DEA #1
You were walking back from the bar,
she was checking out your ass.

MURPHY
Get the fuck outta here.

KEVIN
She wasn't checking out your ass,
but she eye-fucked you all the way
back to the table. I'm not kidding,
man. For real.

MURPHY
The tan one?

KEVIN
She had eyes on you, man.

The DEA GUYS egg him on: Go for it/C'mon, Pussy/Man up!

MURPHY
You serious?

KEVIN
If I'm lying, I'm dying.

MURPHY
(a beat)
Fuck it. I'm going in...

DEA GUYS
Murph's flying in/Get another pitcher
while you're up there.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 22.

AT THE BAR - CONNIE AND HER PRETTY FRIEND

They're watching the Miami/Florida State game on the
television. Murphy approaches with a smile.

MURPHY
Hey, how are you?

CONNIE
(barely a glance)
Busy.

He looks back at his table.

HIS P.O.V. - THE DEA GUYS

They're busting a gut laughing. Gotcha sucker!

MURPHY

starts back toward his table.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Those bastards got me. But I couldn't
let it end like that.

He turns and goes back to Connie and her friend.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Listen. I'm sorry. See those guys
over there? They're fucking with
me. They said you were checking out
my ass. Who checks out a cop's ass?

CONNIE
You're a cop? Strike two.

MURPHY
Not a cop, actually. I'm D-E-A.

CONNIE
A narc. Strike three.

Connie's Pretty Friend chimes in--

PRETTY FRIEND
Drug Enforcement? So you're the one
making pot more expensive.

MURPHY
(lightly)
It's against the law, ma'am.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 23.

CONNIE
(laughing)
Be careful. He'll arrest you.

MURPHY
Help me out here. I wanna show those
assholes up. C'mon. Give me your
phone number.

CONNIE
How about a fake phone number?

MURPHY
That'll work.

Connie digs a pen and a scrap of paper from her purse. She
scrawls "Connie" and a phone number.

MURPHY (CONT'D)
Sorry for the bother.

AT THE TABLE

Murphy returns, flapping the scrap of paper.

MURPHY
Read it and weep, assholes.

The DEA Guys are suitably impressed.

INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

Murphy sits on his bed in a messy bachelor apartment. He
stares at the scrap of paper.

MURPHY (V.O.)
I figured what the hell. Worst that
could happen was I'd wake up some
grandmother in Boca.

He dials the number.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. ANOTHER APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

Someone grabs the ringing phone off the receiver.

CONNIE
Hello?
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 24.

MURPHY (O.S.)
So it wasn't a fake.

CONNIE
Thought you might figure it out.
After all, you're D-E-A.

Murphy smiles.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And just like that, she had me.

CUT TO:

PABLO ESCOBAR

eyes shining.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The minute Pablo laid his eyes on
the paste-processing lab in Peru,
cocaine had him.
Genres: ["Crime","Action","Drama"]

Summary DEA agent Steve Murphy falls victim to a prank by his colleagues who convince him that a woman named Connie is interested in him. Murphy approaches Connie at a bar, but she initially rejects him when she learns he is a cop. However, Murphy manages to win her over by revealing that he is a DEA agent. The scene ends with Murphy calling Connie and realizing that she is connected to Pablo Escobar.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Introduction of a potential love interest
  • Intrigue surrounding Pablo Escobar
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively combines suspense and humor, keeping the audience engaged. The introduction of Connie adds a new dynamic to the story and sets up a potential romantic subplot. The connection to Pablo Escobar adds intrigue and raises the stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of playing a prank on a DEA agent adds an element of humor and camaraderie among the characters. It also serves as a way to introduce Connie and establish her connection to the main plot.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as Murphy falls victim to the prank and then tries to win over Connie. The introduction of Connie and her connection to Pablo Escobar adds a new layer of complexity to the story.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of a prank being played on a character is not entirely unique, the specific dialogue and character interactions add freshness to the scene. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their interactions are engaging. Murphy's determination to win over Connie and the camaraderie among the DEA agents are highlights of the scene.

Character Changes: 6

While there is not a significant character change in this scene, Murphy's determination to win over Connie shows his persistence and willingness to take risks.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to prove himself to his DEA colleagues and show that he can successfully approach a woman. This reflects his desire for acceptance and validation from his peers.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to approach and impress the woman at the bar. This reflects the immediate challenge of overcoming his own insecurities and the fear of rejection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene arises from Murphy's desire to win over Connie and prove his colleagues wrong. There is also an underlying conflict between law enforcement and the drug trade, represented by Connie's connection to Pablo Escobar.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in this scene is not particularly strong. While there is a potential for rejection, it is not a significant obstacle that creates high stakes or uncertainty.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are raised with the introduction of Connie and her connection to Pablo Escobar. Murphy's attempt to win her over becomes more significant as it could potentially impact his work as a DEA agent.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing Connie and establishing her connection to Pablo Escobar. It also sets up a potential romantic subplot for Murphy.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because the audience does not know how the protagonist's approach will go and whether he will be successful in impressing the woman.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a mix of emotions, including suspense, humor, and intrigue. However, the emotional impact is not as strong as in other scenes that involve more intense moments.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is witty and humorous, adding to the overall tone of the scene. The banter between the DEA agents and Murphy's conversation with Connie are particularly well-written.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a relatable situation and creates anticipation for the outcome of the protagonist's approach to the woman at the bar.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building anticipation and maintaining the audience's interest. It progresses at a steady pace, allowing for moments of tension and humor.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It is properly formatted with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the characters' goals, and progresses the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a group of DEA guys pranking Murphy, which feels out of place considering the serious and tense tone of the previous scenes.
  • The dialogue between the DEA guys feels forced and unnatural, lacking authenticity.
  • The prank itself is not very clever or interesting, and it doesn't add much to the story or character development.
  • The interaction between Murphy and Connie feels rushed and lacks depth. Their conversation is superficial and lacks chemistry.
  • The transition from the bar scene to Murphy's apartment feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The voiceover narration by Murphy is unnecessary and adds little value to the scene.
  • The ending with Pablo Escobar's eyes shining feels out of place and disconnected from the rest of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with a different conflict or tension that is more in line with the overall tone and themes of the screenplay.
  • Work on making the dialogue between the DEA guys more natural and authentic, reflecting their personalities and the context of the scene.
  • Develop the prank in a way that is more clever and meaningful, adding depth to the characters or advancing the plot.
  • Take more time to develop the interaction between Murphy and Connie, allowing for a more genuine and engaging connection between them.
  • Smooth out the transition between the bar scene and Murphy's apartment, ensuring a seamless flow of the narrative.
  • Reconsider the use of voiceover narration, as it may not be necessary or effective in this particular scene.
  • Find a more organic and meaningful way to connect the ending with Pablo Escobar to the rest of the scene, ensuring it feels cohesive and relevant.



Scene 8 -  The Drug Operation
EXT. JUNGLE PROCESSING LAB - PERU - DAY

Thickly forested. A half dozen WORKERS (men and children)
trample coca leaves in a large plastic-lined VAT filled with
water and bleach.

COCKROACH, PABLO AND GUSTAVO

are shown around by the LAB MANAGER. He gestures to another
large VAT being filled with KEROSENE.

LAB MANAGER
The kerosene separates the drug from
the leaf.

A worker scoops a PLASTIC BUCKET of the brownish kerosene
mixture and adds Ammonium from a bottle. The liquid in the
bucket blooms WHITE like cream in coffee.

GUSTAVO
Look at that.

LAB MANAGER
Ammonium is added to make the paste.

CLOSE - ON THE BUCKET

Now containing a gummy, yellowish solid. The solid is dumped
onto a bed sheet.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 25.

WIDER, as a WORKER squeezes the bed sheet to remove the excess
kerosene, leaving a one-kilo chunk of paste.

GUSTAVO
We'll take a kilo.

LAB MANAGER
A whole kilo. Great.

PABLO
No.

LAB MANAGER
(to Cockroach)
You said one kilo.

PABLO
We'll take five.

COCKROACH
How do we get five across the border?

PABLO
Gustavo will figure it out. Always
does.

CUT TO:

EXT. RENAULT CAR LOT - PERU - DAY

Gustavo shows Pablo and Cockroach a yellow Renault 4S.

GUSTAVO
Check the wheel-well. It's huge.

A CAR SALESMAN approaches them.

CAR SALESMAN
It's a great choice. 22.5 horsepower.
More than the Citroen 2CV. It's
comfortable and the gasoline
consumption --

PABLO
(to Salesman)
Is it easy to remove the wheel?

The Salesman never heard that one.

CAR SALESMAN
What?
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 26.

GUSTAVO
(to Pablo)
We only have to do it once. Trust
me - I can fit 5K in there.

PABLO
Ok. I will take it. Three cars,
please.

The Salesman can’t believe his ears.

SALESMAN
Did you say three?

GUSTAVO
(to Cockroach)
I guess we're going back to the lab...

COCKROACH
Why?

GUSTAVO
(to Cockroach)
Five kilos per wheel-well, equals
twenty kilos per car. Three cars,
sixty kilos.

Pablo claps Cockroach on the back.

PABLO
At nine dollars profit per gram...

EXT. PERUVIAN MOUNTAIN ROAD - AERIAL VIEW - SUNRISE

The beautiful panorama of the lush Peruvian mountains.

MURPHY (V.O.)
That's five hundred thousand dollars
per trip - using the same smuggling
routes he always used.

A paved road cuts a ribbon through the dense foliage. THREE
RENAULT R4S appear from FRAME LEFT, snaking through the pass.

LOW ANGLE

Pablo drives the one up front.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Easiest money he ever made.

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 27.

INT. COCAINE KITCHEN - BELEN, COLOMBIA - NIGHT

A cramped kitchen with three COOKS in smocks. Cockroach
teaches Pablo and Gustavo the next part of the process.

COCKROACH
The hydrochloric acid turns the base
into crystal.

GUSTAVO
It smells in here.

COCKROACH
That's the acetone.

Cockroach presses a button. A DOZEN LAMPS light up on top
of the damp cocaine crystals.

PABLO
And what’s with all those lights?

COCKROACH
Drying.

EXT. COCAINE KITCHEN - BELEN, COLOMBIA - NIGHT

Light floods from the windows, illuminating the house like a
Christmas tree. Pablo and Gustavo watch PAINTERS close the
windows and start to apply a black coat of paint to the glass.
Sulfurous smoke pours from the window cracks.

GUSTAVO
Isn't this going to suffocate the
workers?

PABLO
Let’s build a chimney.

CUT TO:

A WOMAN'S HANDS, with a sewing needle.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Like her son, Pablo's mother Hermilda
was very resourceful.

INT. HERMILDA'S HOUSE - MEDELLÍN - NIGHT

HERMILDA ESCOBAR, 50s, places down the needle and holds up
what she's been sewing.

A JACKET
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 28.

Lined with secret compartments.

PABLO
Mama, I love it. How much do you
think I can fit in there?

Hermilda inspects the jacket.

MURPHY (V.O.)
In Colombia, even the women have a
tradition of smuggling.

HERMILDA
I guess about 5 kilos. Just make
sure someone else is wearing it.

CUT TO:

THE LION, a regal Colombian with a healthy mane of hair.

MURPHY (V.O.)
That someone would be "The Lion," a
friend of Pablo's who'd spent his
childhood in the United States.

INT. EL DORADO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - BOGOTA - DAY

WIDENING, as the Lion (wearing Hermilda's jacket) walks toward
a line that reads "Customs." Lion easily passes through the
customs line.
Genres: ["Crime","Thriller"]

Summary DEA agent Steve Murphy receives a phone call from a narco named Poison, unknowingly revealing his location. Murphy quickly writes down the information and calls the Colombian police to inform them. Meanwhile, Colonel Carillo and Javier Peña discuss the situation at a cafe. Carillo organizes a special ops team to capture Poison and his crew at La Dispensaria. The scene ends with a bloody shootout and the capture of several narcos, including Poison.
Strengths "The scene is filled with suspense, intense action, and high stakes. The plot is well-developed and the characters are engaging."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and there are no significant character changes in this scene."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is well-executed and engaging, with high stakes and intense action.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a drug operation and the efforts to capture the narcos is compelling and well-developed.

Plot: 9

The plot is fast-paced and full of suspense, with the capture of Poison and the shootout adding excitement and tension.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the drug production and smuggling elements are familiar in the crime genre, the specific details and processes depicted add a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially DEA agent Steve Murphy and Colonel Carillo, are well-defined and their actions drive the plot forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, it showcases the determination and resourcefulness of the DEA agents.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully produce and transport a large quantity of drugs. This reflects their desire for power, wealth, and control.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to figure out how to transport five kilos of drugs across the border. This reflects the immediate challenge they are facing in terms of logistics and avoiding detection.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both physical (the shootout) and emotional (the tension between the DEA and the narcos).

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the characters face challenges in producing and transporting the drugs. The audience is unsure of how they will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are high as the DEA and Colombian police risk their lives to capture the dangerous narcos.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by capturing Poison and disrupting the drug operation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces obstacles and challenges for the characters that are not immediately resolved. The audience is left wondering how they will overcome these challenges.

Philosophical Conflict: 0

There is no evident philosophical conflict in this scene.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene elicits emotions of suspense, fear, and excitement.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying information and advancing the plot, but could be more impactful.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation and raises questions about how the characters will overcome their challenges. The dialogue and action keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and momentum. The quick dialogue exchanges and action keep the scene moving forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and action lines.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, establishes the characters' goals, and progresses the plot.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose. It jumps between different locations and characters without establishing a central conflict or driving the story forward.
  • The dialogue feels disjointed and lacks depth. It mainly consists of characters stating facts or making simple observations, which doesn't contribute to character development or create engaging interactions.
  • The visual elements are not effectively utilized to enhance the storytelling. While there are some interesting visuals mentioned, such as the trampling of coca leaves and the cocaine crystals, they are not explored in a way that adds depth or meaning to the scene.
  • The scene lacks tension and suspense, which is mentioned as the intended emotional tone. There are no conflicts or obstacles for the characters to overcome, and the dialogue and actions feel mundane and uneventful.
  • The transitions between locations are abrupt and confusing. It's difficult to follow the flow of the scene and understand the connections between the different settings and characters.
  • The scene lacks a clear narrative purpose and doesn't contribute significantly to the overall story or character development.
Suggestions
  • Establish a clear central conflict or objective for the scene that drives the story forward and creates tension.
  • Develop the dialogue to reveal more about the characters, their motivations, and their relationships. Create engaging and meaningful interactions between the characters.
  • Utilize the visual elements to enhance the storytelling and create a more immersive experience for the audience. Explore the visuals in a way that adds depth and meaning to the scene.
  • Increase the tension and suspense by introducing conflicts or obstacles for the characters to overcome. Create a sense of urgency and stakes in the scene.
  • Improve the transitions between locations to make them clearer and more seamless. Ensure that the connections between the different settings and characters are well-established.
  • Ensure that the scene has a clear narrative purpose and contributes significantly to the overall story or character development.



Scene 9 -  Smuggling Cocaine
INT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

Lion emerges from the arrival gate, behind someone in a
Dolphins jersey. He looks around.

A VOICE (O.S.)
Yo man, what's up?!

Lion grins.

REVERSING, to find CARLOS LEHDER, 30s, a deep tan, a "John
Lennon" t-shirt, and a swastika tattooed on his arm.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And that's Carlos Lehder. Half
Colombian, half German, one hundred
percent playboy. Big fan of John
Lennon and Adolf Hitler. Go figure.

The two men hug. Lehder eyes Lion.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 29.

LEHDER
It's hot man. Why the fuck are you
wearing a jacket?

MURPHY (V.O.)
Back in '79 Lehder was flying bales
of grass up from Colombia on a fleet
of small planes.

INT. CAR - LONG TERM PARKING LOT - DAY

Lehder sits behind the wheel of a boat Cadillac. Lion pulls
a bag of COCAINE from inside his "secret" jacket.

LION
It's the perfect product.

LEHDER
I did a bit in jail, remember? I
saw this stuff. It's poison.

LION
Pablo thinks the gringos will love
it.

LEHDER
It will fuck their brains up - that’s
for sure.

The Lion opens the car door and steps outside.

LEHDER (CONT'D)
Where are you going?

Lion shows Lehder a plane ticket.

LION
Back home. Pick me up tomorrow.

EXT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

A PLANE takes off.

MURPHY (V.O.)
The Lion made more than twenty flights
between Medellín and Miami - drugs
in, cash out. And the rich and famous
in Miami snorted every single gram
of it. In no time, Pablo had to
replace his cars with trucks...
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 30.

EXT. PERUVIAN MOUNTAIN ROAD - AERIAL VIEW - SUNRISE

A paved road cuts a ribbon through the forest.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Gustavo had the trucks filled to the
brim with potatoes, the major item
Colombia imported from Peru. Didn't
even have to bribe the cops.

Several TRUCKS filled to the brim with potatoes appear from
FRAME LEFT, snaking their way through the pass.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The coke paste was hidden in the
spare tires. Each tire could fit
about 20 kilos. Ten trucks, twenty
kilos each, going back and forth
everyday. You do the math. It's
more money than you can imagine. No
way the Lion could transport it all.

LOW ANGLE

One of the trucks passes by Colombian customs, a spare tire
attached to it.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Pretty soon, the Lion had to come up
with new ways to smuggle the drug to
Miami.

INT. COCAINE KITCHEN - BELEN, COLOMBIA - DAY

The Lion teaches several YOUNG WOMEN how to eat condoms filled
up with cocaine. Three of them are pregnant.

LION
Wait a second - we got a problem
here. You three, step this way.

The three PREGNANT WOMEN step to the right. They're
disappointed they can't share in this bonanza.

LION (CONT'D)
U.S. Customs doesn't search pregnant
women. I think you can swallow sixty
pellets instead of fifty.

The women nod.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 31.

INT. COCAINE KITCHEN - BELEN, COLOMBIA - LATER

The Lion teaches a COMMERCIAL PILOT and a STEWARD how to
hide cocaine in their luggage.

MURPHY (V.O.)
During the early 80s most AVIANCA
flights out of Bogota had several
mules on them - they didn't even
know about each other.

INT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

COMMERCIAL AIRPLANE PILOTS, YOUNG WOMEN and STEWARDS walk
right through the U.S. CUSTOMS.

MURPHY (V.O.)
And you know what? Getting in was
easy, because nobody was worried
about cocaine in America. All we
cared about was grass.

Everyone walks right in.

MONTAGE: VARIOUS LOCATIONS (PER PRODUCTION)

FISHERMEN put COCAINE bags inside fish and take to the sea.
COCAINE bags are inserted into OLIVE OIL cans and coffee
packages.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Pretty soon cocaine was hidden in
almost every legit Colombian export.
Fish, coffee, olive oil, rubber
hoses... You name it. But even that
didn't do it. The real game-changer
was filling Lehder's planes with
coke instead of weed.

EXT. MEDELLÍN INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

Pablo and Gustavo negotiate with Carlos Lehder in front of a
KING AIR airplane.

GUSTAVO
How much weight can you carry?

LEHDER
Where to?

GUSTAVO
Miami.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 32.

LEHDER
About a thousand kilos, including
the fuel.

GUSTAVO
What if we take out all the seats,
and leave room just for the pilot?

Lehder stares at Gustavo, puzzled.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Six months after meeting with
Cockroach, Pablo was establishing
the first dedicated Narco route from
Colombia to America.

AERIAL SHOT - a KING AIR plane flies really low over the
ocean, approaching the Bahamas. (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
A real milestone in the story of
narcotics.

INSIDE THE PLANE - Lehder flies the plane. Behind him,
several loads of coke.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Then Pablo closed the kitchen and
started opening cocaine labs in the
middle of the jungle -
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary DEA agent Steve Murphy receives a phone call from a narco named Poison, unknowingly revealing his location. Murphy quickly writes down the information and calls the Colombian police to inform them. Meanwhile, Colonel Carillo and Javier Peña discuss the situation at a cafe. Carillo organizes a special ops team to capture Poison and his crew at La Dispensaria. The scene ends with a bloody shootout and the capture of several narcos, including Poison.
Strengths "The scene effectively builds tension and provides important information about the drug trafficking operations."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and memorable."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is well-executed and engaging, providing important information about the drug trafficking operations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of smuggling cocaine and the various methods used is intriguing and well-developed.

Plot: 9

The plot is fast-paced and filled with tension, leading to a dramatic shootout and the capture of key characters.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the overall premise of drug trafficking and smuggling is not entirely unique, the specific situations and methods depicted, such as hiding cocaine in fish and coffee packages, add a fresh approach to the familiar theme. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue also adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and their actions drive the plot forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the actions of the characters reveal their motivations and goals.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to successfully transport drugs and maintain his position in the drug trade. This reflects his desire for power, wealth, and success in the criminal world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to transport drugs from Colombia to Miami. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing in the drug trade.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external, leading to a violent shootout.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces challenges and obstacles in his drug smuggling operation. The audience is unsure of how he will overcome these obstacles and what consequences he will face.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the DEA agents and Colombian police risk their lives to capture dangerous narcos.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by capturing key narcos and advancing the investigation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it presents unexpected methods of drug smuggling and introduces new challenges and obstacles for the protagonist. The audience is unsure of how the characters will overcome these obstacles and what consequences they will face.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in the profitability and success of drug trafficking, and the potential harm and destruction it causes to individuals and society. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is informative and helps to establish the characters' motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces the audience to a high-stakes and dangerous world, filled with suspense and intrigue. The dialogue and actions of the characters keep the audience invested in the story and wanting to know what happens next.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of this scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and the progression of events keep the scene moving at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes scene headings, character names, dialogue, and narrative description in a clear and organized manner.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It introduces the setting, characters, and their goals, and progresses the narrative through a series of events and actions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension. It feels more like an informational montage rather than a scene with a clear purpose or objective.
  • The dialogue is mostly expositional and lacks depth or emotional resonance.
  • There are no significant visual elements or actions to engage the audience visually.
  • The transition between locations and time is abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The scene lacks a strong emotional tone or atmosphere that could enhance the storytelling.
  • The dialogue between Lion and Lehder feels superficial and lacks depth or complexity.
  • The scene could benefit from more character development and exploration of the dynamics between Lion and Lehder.
  • The scene could benefit from more conflict or tension to create a more engaging and compelling narrative.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual storytelling to enhance the impact and engagement of the audience.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a clear conflict or tension in the scene to create a more engaging narrative.
  • Develop the dialogue to be more emotionally resonant and meaningful.
  • Include significant visual elements or actions to enhance the visual storytelling.
  • Smoothly transition between locations and time to create a more cohesive narrative.
  • Establish a strong emotional tone or atmosphere to enhance the storytelling.
  • Deepen the dialogue between Lion and Lehder to explore their characters and dynamics.
  • Introduce more conflict or tension in the scene to create a more engaging narrative.
  • Include more visual storytelling to enhance the impact and engagement of the audience.



Scene 10 -  Cocaine Production and Business Deals
EXT. DEEP JUNGLE LAB - COLOMBIA - DAY

A tented jungle lab with white-smocked WORKERS. Ten times
bigger than the one Cockroach managed in Chile.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Under the canopy cover of the
Colombian rainforest, he could expand
his production capacity indefinitely
without anyone noticing it.

Cockroach trains the workers in the arts and sciences of
cocaine production - he's sweating, mosquitoes all over his
face as a CESSNA AIRPLANE lands in an airstrip next to the
lab - Gustavo and Pablo step outside - followed by two
beautiful HOOKERS.

Cockroach approaches them.

GUSTAVO
Hello, Moreno.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 33.

PABLO
(re: hookers)
We brought you a gift. Brazilians -
best asses in the world.

Cockroach eyes the women.

COCKROACH
How come you guys are flying about
in planes and I am stuck here in the
fucking jungle - living in a fucking
shack - among fucking mosquitoes and
cobras?

Gustavo notices the shacks where the workers live.

GUSTAVO
You are right, Moreno. I’m sorry.

PABLO
From now on I'll build a big air-
conditioned house in all my labs -
just for you.

Cockroach looks at Pablo, pissed.

COCKROACH
Those are my labs, Pablo. My labs.

GUSTAVO
Of course they are, partner.
(tapping Cockroach)
Now show us what you got.

INT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - NIGHT

It's a huge party. UNIFORMED WAITERS walk around with food
and beverages. BEAUTIFUL WOMEN everywhere. Cockroach is
alone in a corner - drinking by himself.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Pablo couldn't hide his success from
his friends. They were violent,
crazy and filthy rich. Guys used to
getting what they want, one way or
another.

Pablo, Gustavo, Gacha and Jorge Ochoa are drinking at a table.

GACHA
I heard the potato business is very
profitable these days.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 34.

Gacha picks up a French fry.

GACHA (CONT'D)
Who would think you could make so
much money off this? I am asking
myself if I should invest in it.
What do you think, Pablo?

JORGE OCHOA
I took a good look at the market.
Importing potatoes from Peru is easy.
Old smuggling routes.

GUSTAVO
If everyone starts buying potatoes
at one time, the Peruvians will raise
the price. Our margins will go down.

GACHA
They also grow potatoes in Bolivia.
We can reduce the cost of the refining
process if we buy together.

GUSTAVO
The hard part is getting the
merchandise to Miami. You need a
lot of creativity for that.

GACHA
How much would you charge to help us
be creative?

PABLO
You deliver the product to me,
labeled. I take it to Miami, and
deliver to your contact there. I
charge 35% of the sales value. But
I insure the safety of your load up
to 50% of the value.
(then)
Deal?

JORGE OCHOA
Deal.

GACHA
I will create my own routes and stop
using your services as soon as
possible. That okay with you?

Pablo stares at Gacha.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 35.

GUSTAVO
We expect nothing less.

Gacha extends his glass for a toast--

GACHA
Partners?

For a beat, no one moves.

PABLO
We know your policy toward partners.
Let's just call us... "friendly
associates."

The men laugh and toast.

GACHA
To Miami...

CUT TO:

EXT. PORT OF MIAMI - DAY

Colorful cargo crates line the port. Shipments of everything
from everywhere in the world.

MURPHY (V.O.)
When I started, a one-kilo grass
bust was cause for celebration.

INT. CARGO CONTAINER - DAY

Kevin holds up a crate of ORCHIDS with a false bottom. There
are KILOS packed beneath the flowers.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Before long, we were seizing sixty
kilos of coke a day.

EXT. CARGO SHIP - DECK - DAY

SIXTY KILOS of cocaine are removed from the ship on a dolly,
along with the handcuffed Crew.

MURPHY (V.O.)
We thought we were making a huge
difference.

Murphy and the agents clear FRAME as we--

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 36.

A SCUBA DIVER

drops into the water beside a CARGO BOAT.

EXT. PORT OF MIAMI - LATER

UNDERWATER

The Diver swims to the hull of the boat, where four metal
pipes are magnetically attached.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Truth is, we weren't even making a
dent...

CUT TO:

THE METAL PIPES - ON THE DOCK

Now unsealed at one end. A WORKER dumps a HUNDRED KILOS
from the pipe onto the ground.

CLOSE - ON CARLOS LEHDER, smiling...

MURPHY (V.O.)
They let us have sixty, so they could
bring in six hundred.

CUT TO:

A WHITE LAB RAT

scurrying at a frantic pace past CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Pablo's coke flooded in.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, the audience is taken to a deep jungle lab where Cockroach trains workers in cocaine production. Pablo and Gustavo arrive with two hookers and discuss the expansion of their operation. Later, at a party in Hacienda Napoles, Pablo and his associates discuss the potato business and strike a deal for smuggling cocaine to Miami. The scene then shifts to the Port of Miami, where the DEA seizes a shipment of cocaine. Finally, it is revealed that the cartel is using metal pipes to smuggle a larger quantity of cocaine.
Strengths "The strengths of the scene include its intense and suspenseful tone, the well-developed plot and conflict, and the depiction of the drug trade."
Weaknesses "Some weaknesses in the scene include the dialogue, which could be more impactful, and the limited character development."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is well-written and engaging, providing important information about the cartel's operations and showcasing the high stakes involved in the drug trade.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, which focuses on the production and smuggling of cocaine, is well-executed and adds depth to the overall story.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is compelling and moves the story forward by revealing new information about the cartel's operations and the DEA's efforts to combat them.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and subject matter of the drug trade have been explored in other works, the specific dynamics and conflicts between the characters provide a fresh approach. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly Pablo and his associates, are well-developed and their motivations and actions are clear.

Character Changes: 6

There is minimal character change in the scene, as it primarily focuses on establishing the dynamics and goals of the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to assert his dominance and control over his labs and the people involved in his operation. This reflects his desire for power and recognition.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to impress his partners and maintain his position of power within the drug trade. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he faces in maintaining his empire.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with tensions between the cartel members and the DEA, as well as the internal power struggles within the cartel.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges and conflicts from his partners and the circumstances of his operation. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, as the cartel is expanding its operations and the DEA is actively trying to disrupt their activities.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new plot developments and escalating the conflict between the cartel and the DEA.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected conflicts and challenges for the protagonist. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will react and what the consequences will be.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between Cockroach and Pablo. Cockroach is frustrated with his current living conditions in the jungle and questions why he is not enjoying the same luxuries as Pablo. This challenges Cockroach's beliefs and values about his role in the operation and his worth compared to Pablo.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits some emotional response from the audience, particularly in terms of suspense and anticipation, but could have a stronger emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' intentions and moves the plot forward, but it could be more impactful and memorable.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces conflicts and tensions between the characters, presents their goals and desires, and creates a sense of anticipation for what will happen next.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue and action, creating a sense of tension and anticipation, and moving the story forward at a steady pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. The scene headings, dialogue, and action lines are properly formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It establishes the setting, introduces the characters, and presents their goals and conflicts in a clear and concise manner.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension. It seems to be more of a casual conversation between the characters.
  • The dialogue feels a bit forced and unnatural, especially when Cockroach complains about living in the jungle.
  • There is a lack of visual elements or actions in the scene, which makes it less engaging for the audience.
  • The transition from the jungle lab to the party at Hacienda Napoles feels abrupt and disjointed.
  • The conversation about the potato business feels out of place and doesn't contribute much to the overall story.
  • The toast to being 'friendly associates' lacks impact and doesn't create a strong resolution to the conflict.
  • The visual description of the cocaine being removed from the ship lacks detail and fails to create a sense of tension or excitement.
  • The underwater scene with the diver and the metal pipes feels disconnected from the rest of the scene and doesn't add much to the story.
  • The final shot of the white lab rat feels random and doesn't provide a clear connection to the previous events.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a clear conflict or tension in the scene to make it more engaging for the audience. This could be a disagreement between the characters or an external threat that they need to overcome.
  • Work on making the dialogue more natural and authentic. Consider how each character would speak and what their motivations are in the scene.
  • Include more visual elements or actions to make the scene visually interesting. This could involve showing the characters' emotions through their body language or incorporating visually striking elements in the setting.
  • Smoothly transition between different locations and time periods to create a more cohesive narrative flow.
  • Reevaluate the inclusion of the conversation about the potato business and consider if it adds value to the overall story. If not, remove or revise it to make it more relevant.
  • Strengthen the resolution to the conflict by making the toast to being 'friendly associates' more impactful and meaningful.
  • Add more detail and description to the visual elements, such as the cocaine being removed from the ship, to create a stronger sense of tension and excitement.
  • Reconsider the underwater scene with the diver and the metal pipes and ensure it has a clear purpose and connection to the rest of the scene.
  • Provide a clearer connection between the final shot of the white lab rat and the previous events to make it more meaningful and relevant.



Scene 11 -  Miami's Drug War
EXT. MIAMI STREET/ALLEY - NIGHT

CAMERA TRACKS the RAT as it races through the alley.

MURPHY (V.O.)
It didn't take long for Miami to get
addicted. And I mean that.

The RAT stops. Nose wriggling.

LOW ANGLE - A STREET CORNER DRUG DEAL

A handoff between dealer and client.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 37.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
It was like the whole city was running
around to get this shit. And with
the money, came the violence.

The RAT charges past--

A FOOT, as we TILT UP to reveal Murphy.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The surfers had been replaced by
Colombians. And these guys didn't
wear flip-flops.

HIS P.O.V. - TWO COLOMBIANS

Armed with Mac-10s. Their guns spit fire--

MURPHY AND KEVIN

dive for cover. They peek from behind a dumpster. One
Colombian flees. Murphy sees the other Colombian running
behind a car from left to right.

MURPHY FIRES THROUGH THE CAR. No one comes out from the
other side.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The Miami Coroner said Colombians
were like Dixie Cups. Use `em once,
then throw `em away.

MURPHY AND KEVIN

advance on the sprawled body behind the car. Kevin kneels
beside the dead shooter, turns back to Murphy.

KEVIN
Dude, he's just a kid.

The dead COLOMBIAN is about seventeen.

TIGHT - ON MURPHY

Stunned. And upset.

MURPHY (V.O.)
That was the first person I ever
shot. A teenager not old enough to
buy a six-pack.

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 38.

EXT. MIAMI STREET/ALLEY - LATER

PARAMEDICS load the Colombian teen's corpse onto a
refrigerated truck. Murphy stands nearby.

MURPHY (V.O.)
The Dade County morgue couldn't fit
all the bodies from the drug war.
They had to rent a refrigerated truck
from a local company to hold all the
extra corpses.

PULLING BACK to see the logo: "BURGER KING."

CUT TO:

INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

Murphy swings open the door. He's exhausted, crestfallen,
and strangely guilty. Connie rises from the couch.

CONNIE
It was self-defense.

MURPHY
How'd you know?

CONNIE
Kevin called. He's worried about
you.

MURPHY
The kid was seventeen.

CONNIE
He sells drugs, right?

MURPHY
Yeah.

CONNIE
Then fuck him.

MURPHY
What?

CONNIE
Do you know what's going on here?
This city's upside down.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 39.

Murphy looks at her in surprise. It's only now he realizes
her mascara's streaked.

CUT TO:

A GURNEY

Rolls past with an unconscious PREGNANT WOMAN. She's one of
the Colombian girls we saw with Lion.

CONNIE (O.S.)
I was about to finish my shift when
we got hit with lights and sirens.

INT. MIAMI GENERAL - EMERGENCY ROOM - DAY

Connie quickly evaluates the unconscious GIRL.

CONNIE (O.S.)
Paramedics said she collapsed after
she got off her flight. By the time
she got to us, she was barely
breathing.

Everything in this sequence is frantic--

CONNIE (CONT'D)
Tachycardia! We need an EKG, stat!

Connie coils a blood pressure cuff on her arm at lightning
speed. NURSE #2 clips on a pulse oximeter.

CONNIE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Dilated pupils, rapid pulse. I knew
she'd overdosed on cocaine.

Connie and NURSE #2 put the GIRL on her left side.

CONNIE (CONT'D)
180cc of benzodiazepine! She's going
into arrest!

CONNIE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
But she had no residue on her
nostrils, no injection marks.

The girl's convulsing. Connie grabs the defibrillators and
administers three high-voltage shocks.

CONNIE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
We did everything we could. She
died in the ER.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 40.

CONNIE (CONT'D)
(checking clock)
TOD, eleven hundred and twenty-two
minutes.

Connie puts a stethoscope to the girl's abdomen.

CONNIE (CONT'D)
The baby's still alive. I need a
surgeon for an emergency C-section!
Get a prenatal unit down here now!

INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

Murphy stares at Connie, shocked.

MURPHY
What happened?

CONNIE
The baby died in my hands.

MURPHY
I'm sorry.

CLOSE - ON THE X-RAY

It's the pregnant woman, post-mortem. We SEE her ribs, spine,
and fifty-five condoms of coke on the X-ray.

CONNIE (O.S.)
She was body-packing eleven ounces
of cocaine. Two of the pellets split
open.

INT. MIAMI GENERAL - HALLWAY - DAY

Connie, splattered with blood, stands numbly in front of a
light board, looking at the X-ray.

CONNIE (O.S.)
Twelve grams in her bloodstream.

INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - MIAMI - NIGHT

WIDER, ON CONNIE and MURPHY

CONNIE
No one survives that.

CUT TO:
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 41.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary DEA agent Steve Murphy witnesses the violent drug war in Miami as the city becomes addicted to cocaine. He is involved in a shootout with Colombian drug dealers, resulting in the death of a young teenager. Meanwhile, nurse Connie experiences the devastating consequences of drug overdose as she fails to save the life of a pregnant woman carrying cocaine-filled pellets. The scene highlights the escalating violence and the moral dilemmas faced by law enforcement and healthcare professionals in the midst of the drug war.
Strengths "The scene effectively captures the dark and intense atmosphere of the drug war, highlighting the moral conflicts and emotional impact on the characters. The portrayal of violence and the shocking revelation of the pregnant woman's death create a powerful and memorable scene."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could have been more impactful and memorable."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively captures the dark and intense atmosphere of the drug war, highlighting the moral conflicts and emotional impact on the characters. The portrayal of violence and the shocking revelation of the pregnant woman's death create a powerful and memorable scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of Miami's drug war and its impact on various characters is well-executed. It explores the complexities of law enforcement, healthcare, and the consequences of drug addiction.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene revolves around the escalating violence in Miami's drug war and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The shootout and the pregnant woman's death drive the narrative forward and highlight the high stakes involved.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and themes of drug addiction and violence are familiar, the specific details and character interactions bring a fresh perspective to the story. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters in the scene, particularly DEA agent Steve Murphy and nurse Connie, are well-developed and their emotions and conflicts are effectively portrayed. Their reactions to the violence and the ethical dilemmas add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, especially Steve Murphy and Connie, undergo emotional changes as they confront the harsh realities of the drug war. They are forced to question their beliefs and face the moral dilemmas presented to them.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the violence and moral dilemmas he is facing. It reflects his deeper need for justice and his fear of becoming desensitized to the violence around him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to survive the shootout with the Colombians and protect his partner. It reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges they are facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external. The shootout, the moral dilemmas, and the emotional turmoil faced by the characters create a high level of tension and conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist is faced with armed Colombians and the moral dilemma of shooting a young boy. The audience is unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, with lives on the line and moral dilemmas that could have far-reaching consequences. The violence and the tragic death of the pregnant woman raise the stakes to a critical level.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by highlighting the escalating violence in Miami's drug war and the impact on the characters. It sets the stage for further conflicts and developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected twists and turns, such as the protagonist shooting a young Colombian and the revelation of the pregnant woman smuggling cocaine.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the protagonist's struggle with the moral implications of his actions. He is torn between the need to protect himself and his partner and the guilt he feels for taking a young life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly sadness and shock. The death of the young teenager and the pregnant woman's tragic fate elicit a powerful emotional response from the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotions and conflicts of the characters. However, it could have been more impactful and memorable.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it presents a high-stakes situation, creates tension through the protagonist's internal and external goals, and keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by creating a sense of urgency and tension. The fast-paced action and quick dialogue keep the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, character names, and action lines.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It starts with an establishing shot, introduces the protagonist's internal and external goals, and builds tension through a series of escalating events.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a strong visual element of the rat running through the alley, which sets the tone for the gritty and dangerous atmosphere of the Miami drug scene.
  • The voiceover narration by Murphy effectively sets up the context and provides insight into the city's addiction to drugs and the violence that comes with it.
  • The action sequence of Murphy and Kevin taking cover from the armed Colombians is well-paced and tense, creating a sense of danger and urgency.
  • The reveal that the dead shooter is just a teenager adds an emotional impact to the scene and raises moral questions about the consequences of their actions.
  • The transition to the hospital emergency room introduces a new subplot involving Connie and the pregnant Colombian girl, which adds depth and complexity to the story.
  • The medical emergency scene is intense and well-written, with Connie's quick thinking and actions showcasing her expertise and dedication as a nurse.
  • The reveal of the X-ray showing the cocaine-filled condoms inside the pregnant woman's body adds a shocking twist and raises the stakes for the characters.
  • The dialogue between Murphy and Connie at the end of the scene effectively conveys their emotional state and the gravity of the situation.
  • Overall, the scene effectively combines action, suspense, and emotional moments to create a compelling and impactful sequence.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual elements and actions to enhance the visual storytelling and make the scene more dynamic.
  • Explore the emotional impact of the teenager's death on Murphy and Kevin in more depth to further develop their characters.
  • Provide more context and background information about the pregnant Colombian girl and her connection to the drug trade to increase the audience's investment in her story.
  • Consider adding more dialogue or inner thoughts to convey the characters' internal struggles and moral dilemmas.
  • Ensure that the transitions between different locations and subplots are smooth and seamless to avoid confusion for the audience.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details and vivid descriptions to immerse the audience in the gritty and dangerous world of the Miami drug scene.
  • Further explore the theme of addiction and its consequences to add depth and complexity to the story.
  • Consider adding more moments of tension and suspense to keep the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.



Scene 12 -  The Lost Load
EXT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - NIGHT

A HIPPOPOTAMUS wanders through FRAME. One of the many animals
who roam the luxurious grounds of Napoles. Gustavo stands
out in the yard with Cockroach. He indicates Cockroach's
gold-plated Mercedes.

GUSTAVO
You're ten times richer than you
ever thought you could be.

COCKROACH
I just want my fair cut. If it wasn't
for me, you two would still be
smuggling cigarettes.

Gustavo goes stone-cold serious.

GUSTAVO
Let me give you a piece of advice.
Don't talk like this to Pablo. He's
not as forgiving as I am.

CUT TO:

OVERHEAD SHOT

Thirty TRUCKS behind the jeep, passing through FRAME (same
as earlier shot in the script).

MURPHY (V.O.)
Cockroach should have listened to
Gustavo. Instead, he found another
way to get his fair share.

OVER THE SHOULDER: A COP

A police checkpoint. The LEAD TRUCK pulls to a stop. The
DRIVER rolls down his window to find Colonel Herrera and a
group of other DAS Agents, seen earlier.

HERRERA
What's in those spare tires?

CUT TO:

INT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - DAY

GUSTAVO hangs up the phone and approaches PABLO, who watches
a soccer game on television.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 42.

GUSTAVO
390 kilos. We lost it.

PABLO
What do you mean we lost it?

GUSTAVO
What I said. We lost it.

PABLO
It just disappeared? Into thin air?

GUSTAVO
Don't bust my balls. Cops must've
followed them from Ipsalia.

PABLO
We've paid every cop from here to
Ipsalia. How'd we lose a load?

GUSTAVO
Somewhere in Colombia there exists
an honest cop.

PABLO
How much is he asking for?

GUSTAVO
Too much.

PABLO
I'm going down there.

Gustavo knows Pablo too well.

GUSTAVO
Why risk it? It's only 390 keys.

CUT TO:

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - MEDELLÍN - DAY

Pablo strolls in to find Colonel Herrera and Nacho Ibarra.

PABLO
What's going on?

HERRERA
We need to renegotiate.

PABLO
Fuck you.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 43.

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - LINE-UP ROOM - MEDELLÍN - DAY

Now handcuffed, Pablo stands with an ID placard with the day
and date of his arrest.

TWO SHOT - HERRERA AND IBARRA

Through the one-way glass, they watch a photographer preparing
to take the mugshot of Pablo.

IBARRA
Are you sure about this? He hasn't
said a word since you arrested him.

HERRERA
We're DAS. What's he gonna do about
it?

CUT TO:

OVER THE SHOULDER: THE POLICE PHOTOGRAPHER

Pablo smiles for the camera. CLICK.

MATCH CUT TO:

PABLO'S MUGSHOT (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

The famous one. Inmate Number: 128482

MURPHY (V.O.)
Pablo didn't know it then, but this
mugshot was gonna cause him a lotta
grief down the line.

CUT TO:

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - INTERROGATION - MEDELLÍN - DAY

Pablo sits calmly at a table. Herrera enters with Ibarra.

HERRERA
We count over three hundred kilos on
those trucks. That's a street value
of over four million in American
currency. But you only pay us a
hundred fifty thousand.

PABLO
That's what we agreed on.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 44.

HERRERA
(enjoying this)
I make deals for a living. You can
accept my deal or accept the
consequences for not taking it. Now
why don't we renegotiate a bit and
we can all leave happy.

Pablo mulls this, then--

PABLO
I'll give you a million dollars,
U.S., on one condition.

HERRERA
What's that?

PABLO
Somebody in my organization told you
the street price of my cocaine.
Otherwise how would you know? Tell
me who it is and you won't have to
split the money with him.

CUT TO:

EXT. PORT OF MIAMI - DAY

A PLUMBING VAN drives past the cargo crates.

MURPHY (V.O.)
It turns out Cockroach was a real
cockroach. Not only did he sell
Pablo to the authorities, he was
stealing from him all along and
selling coke in Miami, too.

The VAN pulls up to a MERCEDES. GERMAN ZAPATA, 40s, sleek
as a greyhound, gets out. He's accompanied by TWO BODYGUARDS.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Cockroach's dealer was German Zapata,
a Colombian with a plumbing business
that served as a front for his cocaine
operation. He had twelve hundred
keys in the van. And guess who was
buying the load?

THE MERCEDES DOORS OPEN

Murphy and Kevin get out, wearing guayabera shirts.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 45.

ZAPATA
Gentlemen.

MURPHY
Mr. Zapata. A pleasure.

Kevin walks to the back of the Mercedes and opens--

THE TRUNK

It's packed with two duffel bags of CASH.

MURPHY, KEVIN AND ZAPATA

walk to the back of the plumbing van.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The plan was to trade vehicles and
Zapata would be arrested once he
left the Port.

Zapata opens the back to reveal--

A HUGE AMOUNT OF COCAINE

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Twelve hundred kilos - that would
get us on the cover of the Miami
Herald.

Murphy exchanges car keys with Zapata.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Everything was going perfect, except
that Pablo was onto Cockroach.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Gustavo informs Pablo that they have lost a shipment of cocaine. They suspect that an honest cop tipped off the authorities. Pablo decides to confront the police and renegotiate the deal. Meanwhile, the DEA seizes a shipment of cocaine at the Port of Miami, which was being smuggled by Cockroach. The scene ends with Murphy and Kevin exchanging car keys with German Zapata, who is unaware that Pablo is onto Cockroach.
Strengths
  • Intense negotiation scene
  • Suspenseful seizure of cocaine by the DEA
  • Well-written dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging and filled with tension. It advances the plot significantly and introduces high stakes for the characters. The dialogue is well-written and the conflict between Pablo and the police adds depth to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of drug trafficking and the power dynamics between the cartel and law enforcement is explored effectively in this scene. The negotiation and seizure of the cocaine shipment add intrigue and suspense.

Plot: 9

The plot is fast-paced and filled with twists and turns. The loss of the cocaine shipment and Pablo's decision to confront the police create tension and propel the story forward.

Originality: 6

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the situation of drug smuggling and corrupt police is a familiar one, the specific details and interactions between the characters add a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear. Pablo's determination to protect his operation and Gustavo's loyalty to him are highlighted in this scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there is not significant character development in this scene, it highlights Pablo's determination and Gustavo's loyalty.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain control and protect his reputation. This reflects his deeper need for power and respect, as well as his fear of losing his position and influence.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to negotiate with the police and protect his drug operation. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing, which include the loss of a drug shipment and the need to maintain his criminal empire.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Pablo and the police is intense and drives the scene. The stakes are high as Pablo tries to protect his operation and negotiate a deal.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in this scene is strong, as the protagonist faces challenges from both the police and his own organization. The audience is unsure of how the negotiations will go and what consequences the protagonist will face.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in this scene as Pablo confronts the police and tries to protect his operation. The seizure of the cocaine shipment adds to the intensity.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly by introducing new conflicts and escalating the tension. It sets the stage for future events and developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected obstacles and challenges for the protagonist. The audience is unsure of how the negotiations with the police will go.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in power and control versus the corrupt nature of the police force. This challenges the protagonist's values and worldview, as he must navigate the corrupt system to protect his interests.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged. The consequences of the characters' actions and the high stakes create emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp and impactful. The negotiation between Pablo and the police is tense and filled with subtext. The lines effectively convey the power dynamics between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it introduces conflict, raises stakes, and develops the characters' motivations. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of tension and urgency. The dialogue and actions are paced in a way that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes proper indentation, dialogue formatting, and scene transitions.

Structure: 8

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It includes clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear conflict or tension. It feels more like an exposition of events rather than a scene with dramatic stakes.
  • The dialogue is mostly straightforward and lacks depth or complexity. It doesn't reveal much about the characters or their motivations.
  • There are no significant visual elements or actions in the scene, which makes it visually uninteresting.
  • The transition between locations and timeframes is abrupt and confusing. It's hard to follow the sequence of events.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is inconsistent. It starts with a serious conversation between Gustavo and Cockroach, but then shifts to a more matter-of-fact narration by Murphy.
  • The key dialogue lacks impact and memorable lines. It doesn't leave a lasting impression on the audience.
  • The scene ends abruptly without a clear resolution or cliffhanger. It feels unfinished and leaves the audience unsatisfied.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a clear conflict or tension in the scene to engage the audience. This could be a disagreement between Gustavo and Cockroach, or a threat to their operation.
  • Develop the dialogue to reveal more about the characters and their motivations. Add depth and complexity to their conversations.
  • Include significant visual elements or actions to make the scene more visually engaging. This could be through the use of symbolism, visual metaphors, or dynamic camera movements.
  • Improve the transitions between locations and timeframes to make them clearer and easier to follow. Use visual cues or establish shots to orient the audience.
  • Refine the emotional tone of the scene to create a consistent atmosphere. Decide on the overall mood and stick to it throughout the scene.
  • Craft memorable and impactful lines of dialogue that leave a lasting impression on the audience. Use subtext and wordplay to add depth to the conversations.
  • Give the scene a clear resolution or cliffhanger that leaves the audience wanting more. Create a sense of anticipation or suspense.



Scene 13 -  The Capture of La Quica
EXT. PORT OF MIAMI - DAY

CAMERA FOLLOWS over the shoulder of two ASSASSINS on a
Kawasaki, heading into the long term parking. On the back
of the cycle is--

LA QUICA, a hitman who works for Pablo.

He pulls out his Mac-10 and fires.

BOOM! - ZAPATA AND KEVIN

drop like stones.

ZAPATA'S BODYGUARD
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 46.

returns fire.

The DRIVER gets blown off the cycle. It spins out on the
concrete pavement.

LA QUICA

scrambles to his feet, raising his Mac-10.

MURPHY

steps forward, about to fire--

LA QUICA

drops his Mac-10 and raises his hands.

LA QUICA
(accented)
I give up! Arrest me.

Hands high, he drops to his knees.

MURPHY

lowers his weapon as--

A SWARM OF DEA AGENTS

arrive to arrest La Quica.

CLOSE - ON KEVIN

Dead from a bullet wound to the skull.

CUT TO:

AN AMERICAN FLAG

Flapping in the wind above the Miami-Dade Courthouse.

MURPHY (V.O.)
I got to the courthouse early on the
day of La Quica's trial.

EXT. COURTHOUSE - MIAMI - DAY

Murphy climbs the steps to enter the courthouse.

MURPHY (V.O.)
My testimony was gonna put that
bastard on death row.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 47.

He's buttonholed by a U.S. PROSECUTOR.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
The U.S. District Attorney caught me
on the courthouse steps, said La
Quica met his bail of two million
dollars, paid by a wire transfer
from-- well, why don't you take a
guess?

CUT TO:

BOARDING GATE - "MEDELLÍN, COLOMBIA"

INT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

La Quica walks onto a plane.

MURPHY (V.O.)
La Quica boarded and was back in
Medellín by midnight.

INT. MURPHY'S APARTMENT - BEDROOM - MIAMI - NIGHT

Connie sleeps in Murphy's arms. He stares at the ceiling.

MURPHY (V.O.)
From `79 through `84, there were
3245 murders in Miami.

MONTAGE: MIAMI AND MEDELLÍN (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

This sequence will be built from archival footage: Murders,
mayhem, boat-lifts and coke seizures.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But outside of the Florida Tourist
Bureau and the cops, no one much
cared about that.

EXT. WHITE HOUSE - WASHINGTON, DC - DAY (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

Establishing.

MURPHY (V.O.)
What got the U.S. government to take
notice was the money. Billions of
dollars a year, all of it flowing
from the U.S. to Colombia. And that,
America could not take.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 48.

INT. OVAL OFFICE ANTEROOM - DAY

FOUR BUSINESSMEN are seated on a couch.

MURPHY (V.O.)
See these guys? That's Gerald Ottman
from General Electric. Jack Rogers
from Miami National Bank. Paul
Griggs, Goldman Sachs. And Bill
Taub from the City Workers Pension
Fund. They were terrified the narco-
economy would sink the real economy
of Miami.

A SECRETARY enters the room.

SECRETARY
The President will see you now.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Or maybe they were pissed off they
weren't getting a cut.

Inside the Oval Office, a Reaganesque figure can be seen
sitting behind his desk (not identifiable).

INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY

The Businessmen enter. The President stands and shakes hands
with his guests.

BUSINESS
Mr. President. Thank you for having
us.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Whatever it was, the businessmen
came at just the right time. The
Berlin Wall was about to fall. The
Soviet Union was dissolving. It was
time for America to suit up against
a new enemy.

INT. OVAL OFFICE - DAY (ARCHIVAL FOOTAGE)

RONALD and NANCY REAGAN sit on the couch.

RONALD REAGAN
Tonight, from our family to yours,
from our home to yours.

CLOSE - ON RONALD REAGAN
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 49.

RONALD REAGAN (CONT'D)
Drugs are menacing our society.
They're threatening our values and
undercutting our institutions.
(then)
They're killing our children.

MURPHY (V.O.)
It was classic Reagan. Folksy,
direct, and tough. He vowed to go
after drugs at the source. But it
was Nancy who stole the show.

CLOSE - ON NANCY REAGAN

NANCY REAGAN
So to my young friends out there,
life can be great. But not when you
can't see it. So open your eyes to
life, to see it in the vivid colors
that God gave us as a precious gift
to His children. Say yes to your
life. And when it comes to drugs
and alcohol, just say no.

CUT TO:

TIGHT - ON COCKROACH: BEATEN AND BLOODY

COCKROACH
No, no, no!!!

A BULLET blasts him in the forehead.

INT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - DAY

Cockroach topples to the ground.

MURPHY (V.O.)
They say when a nuclear holocaust
comes, only the cockroaches will
survive.

CAMERA SWIVELS to find Pablo. Gun outstretched.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I guess they were wrong.

Pablo turns to Poison.

PABLO
Clean this up.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 50.
Genres: ["Crime","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary DEA agent Steve Murphy witnesses the capture of La Quica, a hitman who works for Pablo Escobar. The scene also includes a flashback to the U.S. government's decision to take action against the drug trade and the escalating violence in Miami and Medellín. The scene highlights the high stakes and the moral dilemmas faced by law enforcement in the midst of the drug war.
Strengths "The scene effectively combines action, suspense, and political context. The flashback adds depth to the story."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could be more impactful and memorable."

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively builds tension and showcases the consequences of the drug war. The flashback adds depth and context to the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, capturing a hitman and exploring the political response to the drug trade, is well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward by capturing a key member of the cartel.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While it includes familiar elements of crime and justice, the specific details and the portrayal of the narco-economy add a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed and their actions reflect the moral dilemmas they face.

Character Changes: 7

The capture of La Quica leads to a change in the power dynamics within the cartel.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to bring down La Quica and put him on death row. This reflects the protagonist's desire for justice and to protect society from dangerous criminals.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to testify against La Quica in court and ensure his conviction. This reflects the immediate challenge of gathering evidence and building a strong case against the criminal.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, including the shootout, the capture of La Quica, and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong, with the protagonist facing challenges from the criminals, the legal system, and the U.S. government. The audience is unsure of how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 10

The capture of La Quica is a high-stakes operation that has significant implications for the drug war.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by capturing a key member of the cartel and highlighting the escalating violence.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it includes unexpected twists and turns, such as La Quica surrendering and the revelation of his escape. The reader is kept on their toes and unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the values of justice and the desire for personal gain. The U.S. government and businessmen are motivated by their fear of the narco-economy sinking the real economy of Miami, while the protagonist is driven by a sense of duty and the need to protect society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes emotions of tension, fear, and moral ambiguity.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying the tension and conflict in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it starts with a high-stakes action sequence and continues with a mix of suspenseful moments and informative narration. The reader is drawn into the protagonist's mission and the world of crime and justice.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace and keeping the reader engaged. The rhythm of the scene matches the intensity of the events and the protagonist's emotions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with proper use of capitalization, punctuation, and scene transitions. The dialogue is properly formatted with character names and dialogue tags.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue. The pacing and progression of events are well-executed.


Critique
  • The scene lacks conflict, which is essential for engaging storytelling. Without conflict, the scene feels flat and lacks tension.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is business-like and matter-of-fact, which doesn't create much interest or investment from the audience.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks depth and complexity. It mainly serves to convey information rather than revealing character or creating engaging exchanges.
  • There are no significant visual elements or actions in the scene, which makes it visually uninteresting and doesn't take advantage of the visual medium of film.
  • The transition to various locations where cocaine is being smuggled feels disjointed and doesn't flow smoothly with the rest of the scene.
  • The ending of the scene with Lehder flying a plane filled with cocaine feels abrupt and doesn't provide a satisfying conclusion or sense of closure.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a conflict or tension in the scene to make it more engaging. This could be a disagreement between Lion and Lehder about the product or a potential threat to their operation.
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to the scene by exploring the characters' motivations, fears, or desires. This will make the audience more invested in their journey.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more dynamic and revealing of character. Use subtext and create engaging exchanges between the characters that add depth and complexity to their interactions.
  • Include visual elements or actions that enhance the scene and make it visually interesting. This could be through creative camera angles, visual metaphors, or symbolic imagery.
  • Reconsider the transition to the various locations where cocaine is being smuggled. Find a way to make it flow more smoothly and integrate it better with the rest of the scene.
  • Provide a more satisfying ending to the scene that gives a sense of closure or sets up the next scene effectively. This could be through a cliffhanger, a revelation, or a resolution to a conflict.



Scene 14 -  The War Begins
EXT. COLOMBIAN ROAD - MEDELLÍN - NIGHT

Misty night.

MURPHY (V.O.)
Over his career, Pablo would kill
over a thousand cops. But I wouldn't
learn that till later.

WIDE SHOT - COLONEL HERRERA AND NACHO IBARRA

The DAS Agents lie sprawled on the ground. They've been
tortured and shot in the head.

CUT TO:

PEOPLE CROSS THROUGH FRAME

Revealing airport departing gates.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
My dad volunteered to fight in World
War II because of Pearl Harbor.

INT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - NIGHT

The international departure terminal.

MURPHY (V.O.)
But you think he knew anybody in
Hawaii? No way.

WIDE SHOT

Two tiny figures walk toward CAMERA.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
He was a West Virginia farmboy. But
these fuckers stepped on our soil.

The figures get closer.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
So he laced up his Army boots and
went to fight. It was his duty.

It's Murphy and Connie, walking into a TWO SHOT.

MURPHY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Cocaine in Miami? Powder from
Colombia? This was my war.
NARCOS Ep. 101 "Descenso" 5/13/14 51.

REVERSING, OVER SHOULDER as they board a plane. TILT UP to
see the departure sign: "Bogota, Colombia."

EXT. MIAMI INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - DAY

The PLANE races down the runway.

MURPHY (V.O.)
This was my duty. And I was ready
to fight.

The airplane lifts off into the sky.

INT. HACIENDA NAPOLES - ANTIOQUIA - DAY

La Quica reports to Pablo.

PABLO
They killed Poison? Where?

LA QUICA
La Dispensaria.

PABLO
Who did it?

LA QUICA
I think it was Carillo. He got there
early the next day. But that DEA
guy was there taking pictures.

Pablo smolders for a beat.

PABLO
Raise the bounty.

LA QUICA
On Carillo?

PABLO
No. I'll pay half a million for the
head of a DEA agent.
(then)
Fucking gringos.

Off Pablo--

FADE OUT.

(TO BE CONTINUED)
Genres: ["Crime","Drama"]

Summary In this scene, DEA agent Steve Murphy and nurse Connie prepare to travel to Colombia to fight the drug war. Meanwhile, Pablo Escobar learns that one of his men has been killed by the DEA and decides to increase the bounty on their heads. The scene sets up the escalating violence and moral dilemmas faced by law enforcement and drug traffickers.
Strengths
  • Realistic portrayal of the drug war
  • Intense action sequences
  • Exploration of moral dilemmas
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene effectively establishes the high stakes and tension of the drug war, while also introducing complex moral dilemmas. The dialogue is impactful and the characters are well-developed. The only weakness is that the scene could benefit from more character development for secondary characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, which focuses on the drug war and its consequences, is well-executed. It effectively captures the gritty reality of the situation and explores the moral complexities involved.

Plot: 9

The plot of the scene is engaging and moves the story forward. It introduces conflicts and raises the stakes for the characters involved.

Originality: 7

The level of originality in this scene is moderate. While the setting and themes of the war on drugs have been explored before, the specific details and personal connection of the protagonist add a fresh perspective. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue contributes to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The main characters, Steve Murphy and Pablo Escobar, are well-developed and their motivations and conflicts are clearly established. However, some secondary characters could benefit from more development.

Character Changes: 7

While there are some character changes, particularly in the decisions made by Pablo Escobar, the scene focuses more on establishing the characters and their motivations rather than significant character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to establish a personal connection to the larger conflict. They want to convey their personal stake in the war against drugs and their readiness to fight.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to physically travel to Colombia to fight against the drug trade.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with conflict, both internal and external. The characters face moral dilemmas and are involved in violent confrontations, raising the tension and stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in this scene is strong as the protagonist faces the challenge of fighting against the drug trade and the threat of DEA agents. The audience doesn't know how the protagonist will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with lives on the line and the drug war escalating. The characters face the constant threat of violence and the consequences of their actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing conflicts, raising the stakes, and setting up future events. It effectively sets the stage for the ongoing drug war.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces a new challenge for the protagonist and raises the stakes of the conflict. The audience doesn't know how the protagonist will navigate the world of drug trafficking.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict evident in this scene between the protagonist's belief in duty and the actions of the drug traffickers. The protagonist believes it is their duty to fight against the drug trade, while the drug traffickers see it as a business.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions through its intense action sequences and the moral dilemmas faced by the characters. However, there could be more moments of emotional impact to further engage the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is impactful and effectively conveys the emotions and motivations of the characters. However, there could be more memorable lines to enhance the overall impact.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it establishes a personal connection to the conflict, creates tension through the voiceover narration, and introduces a new challenge for the protagonist.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by quickly transitioning between locations and maintaining a sense of tension and urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It uses proper scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The structure of this scene follows the expected format for its genre. It effectively transitions between locations and uses concise descriptions to convey the necessary information.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus and purpose. It jumps between different locations and characters without a clear connection or narrative thread.
  • The voiceover narration feels heavy-handed and unnecessary, often stating the obvious or providing information that could be conveyed through visual storytelling.
  • The dialogue is often clichéd and lacks depth or nuance, particularly in the interactions between Pablo and La Quica.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual elements and action to create a sense of tension and urgency.
  • The emotional tone of the scene is inconsistent, shifting between ominous, tragic, and action-packed without a clear throughline.
  • The scene could benefit from more character development and exploration of the motivations and conflicts driving each character's actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider streamlining the scene to focus on a single location or event that ties together the various characters and conflicts.
  • Reconsider the use of voiceover narration and explore ways to convey information and emotion through visual storytelling.
  • Revise the dialogue to be more authentic and nuanced, reflecting the unique voices and perspectives of each character.
  • Introduce more visual elements and action to create a sense of tension and urgency, such as a high-stakes chase or shootout.
  • Clarify the emotional tone of the scene and ensure that it remains consistent throughout, building towards a clear climax or resolution.
  • Spend more time developing each character's backstory, motivations, and conflicts to create a more engaging and compelling narrative.