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Scene 1 -  Christmas Eve Preparations
INT. 747 - PASSENGERS - SAME 2
The usual moment just after landing when you let out that
sigh of relief that you've made it in one piece.
ON JOHN MCCLANE 3
mid-thirties, good-looking, athletic and tired from his trip.
He sits by the window. His relief on landing is subtle but
we notice. Suddenly, he hears a voice next to him.
MAN'S VOICE
(o.s.)
J^W!fc'"S Don't fly much do you?
McClane looks over at a grinning middle-aged BUSINESSMAN
sitting next to him.
MCCLANE
No.
BUSINESSMAN
Want to know the secret of
surviving air travel?...Take off
your shoes and socks when you get
where you're going and walk
around ten minutes barefoot.
Better than a shower and a cup
of coffee...
MCCLANE
(warily)
Thanks... I'11 remember that.
The Businessman picks up on McClane's scepticism and takes
it as a challenge. His salesman's smile broadens.
BUSINESSMAN
You think I'm crazy don't you?
Trust me. I've been a salesman
for twenty years. I know what
I'm talking about.
(CONTINUED)
A98
CONTINUED: 3
/0s**..
The Businessman oozes confidence. McClane reaches up to help
a woman down with her bags and the butt of his Beretta
handgun suddenly becomes visible to the Businessman. The
man blanches at the sight and McClane notices the look.
He's seen it before.
MCCLANE
It's okay...I'm a cop.
We SEE this doesn't totally calm the Businessman. McClane
holds his look and produces a gold NYPD Detective's shield.
MCCLANE
(firm and
definite)
Trust me. I've been doing it
for thirteen years.
INT. THE NAKATOMI BUILDING (LOS ANGELES) - EVENING 4
CLOSE ON A bottle of Dom Perignon as the cork explodes across
a large office floor decorated for Christmas. A Japanese
man, mid-fifties standing on a desk holds up the bottle
triumphantly and looks out at an adoring audience of junior
executives and office personnel. He is JOSEPH TAKAGI,
Sr. V.P. of Sales for Nakatomi, a multinational corporation.
TAKAGI
Ladies and gentlemen...1
congratulate each and every one
of you for making this one of
the greatest days in the history
of the Nakatomi corporation...
In the b.g., obviously still at work, an attractive
BUSINESSWOMAN in her mid-thirties, studying a computer
printout, heads toward her office. Falling into step with
her is HARRY ELLIS, thirty-seven, V.P. of Sales. Well-dressed,
with stylish, slicked-back hair, he looks and acts very
smooth.
ELLIS
What about dinner?
WOMAN (HOLLY)
Do you ever look at the calendar,
Harry? Christmas Eve...Santa*s
arriving...Family...Those things
ring a bell?
She turns into:



A98
3

HER OFFICE 5
Her name is HOLLY GENNARO MCCLANE, though the nameplate on
her door stops after the first two. She puts the printout
down on her secretary's desk.
HOLLY
(to her secretary)
Go on out, Ginny, they're opening
the champagne.
GINNY
(grateful to be
released)
Thanks Ms. Gennaro.
Ginny passes Ellis in the doorway as Holly punches a number
on the phone.
I ELLIS
' (not giving up)
How about tomorrow night?
HOLLY
(dryly)
Worse.
Just then the party on Holly's phone picks up and WE:
INTERCUT:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary On Christmas Eve, John McClane, a weary police detective, meets a Businessman on a flight who offers him tips for surviving air travel. The Businessman reacts nervously to McClane's gun, but McClane shows his badge to ease his concerns. In Los Angeles, Holly McClane, John's wife, works late at the Nakatomi Building, where Joseph Takagi celebrates a successful day with his employees, while Harry Ellis unsuccessfully attempts to get Holly to dinner. Despite a brief moment of tension, the scene ends on a light note as preparations for Christmas Eve continue.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension building
  • Character introduction
Weaknesses
  • Slight predictability in character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the main character, establishes tension, and introduces key elements of the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a cop on a plane with a hidden gun and the interaction with a suspicious businessman is engaging and sets the stage for future conflict.

Plot: 7

The plot is advanced through the introduction of characters and the hint at future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique character dynamics and situations, such as McClane's undercover cop status and the Businessman's skepticism. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined through their dialogue and actions, especially John McClane and the Businessman.

Character Changes: 5

There is a slight change in perception of McClane by the Businessman.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to maintain his cover as a cop while also dealing with the skepticism of the Businessman. This reflects his need to protect his identity and assert his authority.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to navigate the social interactions in the airport and office building while maintaining his cover as a cop. This reflects the immediate challenge of blending in with different environments.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

There is a moderate level of conflict introduced between McClane and the Businessman.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the Businessman challenging McClane's authority and beliefs. The audience is left unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate, with hints of danger and intrigue.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key characters and setting up future conflicts.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected reveal of McClane's cop status and the tension between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between McClane's sense of duty as a cop and the Businessman's skepticism. This challenges McClane's beliefs in authority and professionalism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The emotional impact is moderate, with hints of tension and intrigue.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, revealing character traits and building tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense atmosphere and intriguing character dynamics. The dialogue keeps the audience invested in the interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with distinct character introductions and interactions. It sets up the conflict and tension effectively.


Critique
  • The scene starts off with a cliche moment of relief after landing, which is a bit overused in screenwriting.
  • The dialogue between McClane and the Businessman feels a bit forced and lacks depth. It could be more engaging and meaningful.
  • The introduction of the Businessman noticing McClane's gun feels a bit contrived and predictable.
  • The transition from the airplane scene to the Nakatomi Building scene is a bit abrupt and could be smoother.
  • The dialogue between Takagi and his employees at the Nakatomi Building feels a bit generic and lacks originality.
  • The interaction between Holly and Ellis also feels a bit cliched and could use more depth and nuance.
  • Overall, the scene lacks a sense of tension and intrigue that is necessary to hook the audience and keep them engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider starting the scene with a more unique and engaging moment that sets the tone for the rest of the script.
  • Work on developing more dynamic and authentic dialogue between the characters to make their interactions more compelling.
  • Find a more creative and unexpected way to introduce the conflict and tension in the scene, rather than relying on predictable tropes.
  • Focus on creating a seamless transition between different locations and characters to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Add more layers to the characters and their relationships to make the scene more emotionally resonant and captivating.
  • Inject more suspense and intrigue into the scene to keep the audience on the edge of their seats and eager to see what happens next.



Scene 2 -  John and William's Journey to Christmas
6 INT. NICE HOUSE IN SANTA MONICA 6
where a four-year-old girl, LUCY MCCLANE, answers the phone
with a sense of importance.
LUCY
Hello, this is Lucy McClane.
Holly suddenly smiles. It is the first time we've seen her
smile and it speaks volumes about the person hidden under a
tough business exterior.
HOLLY
(with affection)
Hello, Lucy McClane. This is
your mother.
She looks up and watches Ellis leave.
LUCY
/fH^s
Mommy! When are you coming home?!
(CONTINUED)



A98
4
CONTINUED: 6
J^*>*

HOLLY
Soon. You'll be in bed when
I get there, though.
LUCY
Will you come say 'good night'?
HOLLY
Don't I always, you goose?
(enjoys her
daughter's giggle
over the line)
May I speak with Paulina, please?
Lucy hands the phone to a young Salvadorian woman, PAULINA,
the housekeeper.
PAULINA
Hello, Ms. Holly. You coming
home soon?
HOLLY
Hopefully.
(beat)
Mr. McClane didn't call, did he?
PAULINA
No ma'am.
Holly hides a trace of disappointment.
HOLLY
Maybe that means he got a flight.
Why don't you make up the bed in
the spare room, just in case.
PAULINA
(smiling)
Yes ma'am, I already did.
Holly's smile comes through again.
INT. LAX - EVENING 7
McClan^-r^earing TBTs-sWool topcoat and carrying a huge
FAg^chwartz stuffep. animal and his hangup bag, comes down
ramp with the Businessman from the

BUSINESSMAN
Remember...bare feet, ten minutes.
Merry Christmas.
(CONTINUED)

A98
CONTINUED: 7
MCCLANE
Yeah...Merry Christmas...
The Businessman moves down the ramp and is lovingly greeted
by his family. McClane watches, moved by the sight, then
looks around the waiting area, just on the chance his family
might be waiting. Instead he spots a thin, gangling, black
kid, WILLIAM, in an ill-fitting chaufeur's uniform. As he
waits he beats «out a rhythm on a card with J. McCLANE printed
on it. McClane pauses in front of him.
MCCLANE
I'm John McClane.
WILLIAM
William, Sir...I'm your limo
driver. Nice bag.
He turns and starts walking.
MCCLANE
Don't you take this?
WILLIAM
(stops)
Do I?
MCCLANE
Hell, I don't know. I've never
been picked up by a limo before.
William takes McClane's bag.
WILLIAM
Hey, that's good...'cause I've
never driven one before.
CUT TO:
INT. LIMOUSINE - DUSK 8
McClane and William both sit in the front seat as the black
limo turns off the Santa Monica Freeway and heads north
toward Century City. The huge toy animal sits in the backseat.
McClane hears a rustling at his feet and looks down
to see a bunch of fast food wrappers. Picks one up — it
says Taco Bell — and looks at William who grins sheepishly.
WILLIAM
What can I say, man? I didn't
<T expect you to sit up front.
(CONTINUED)


A98
6
8 CONTINUED: 8
f* WILLIAM (Cont.)
(popping in a
cassette)
Mind if I play some tunes?
A hard RAP SONG blasts from the speakers.
MCCLANE
How 'bout some Christmas music?
WILLIAM
That is Christmas music.
McClane gives up and grins, tosses the wrapper back on the
floor and looks out the window.
9 HIS P.O.V. 9
Convertibles with Christmas trees in their backseats,
Time/Temperature signs which read: 69°, and palm trees
trimmed in Christmas lights — it is clear that Christmas
L.A. style is a foreign commodity he could live happily
without.
WILLIAM
f* (to the animal
• in the back)
You know, you're stocked backed
there. We got CD, CB, TV, phone,
full bar. I even know a couple
of Teddy Bears...
(to McClane)
...Or is he married?
MCCLANE
Married.
WILLIAM
She live out here?
MCCLANE
As of six months ago.
WILLIAM
And you live in New York?
MCCLANE
You're nosey, you know that,
William?
f^ WILLIAM
Hey, I'm sorry. I got to quit
doing that, you know.
(CONTINUED)
A98
7

3 CONTINUED: 9
MCCLANE
That's okay.
WILLIAM
So, you divorced or what?
McClane gives up.
MCCLANE
She had a good job, it turned
into a great career.
WILLIAM
But meant her moving here.
MCCLANE
You're fast.
I
/ WILLIAM
So, why didn't you come?
MCCLANE
'Cause I'm a New York cop not an
IBM salesman. I don't just get up
and move.
WILLIAM
(to the point)
And you didn't think she'd make
it here?
McClane grins, he likes William even if he is direct.
MCCLANE
You're fast, William.
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Comedy"]

Summary Lucy chats with her mother Holly on the phone, while John arrives in Los Angeles and meets his eccentric limo driver, William. As they drive through the festive city, William probes John about his family and career, adding a touch of humor to the scene.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Low conflict level
  • Relatively low stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively balances emotional depth with humor and introduces a new character in a compelling way.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family waiting for a loved one to come home while introducing a new character and exploring the dynamics of relationships is engaging.

Plot: 7

The plot progresses as Holly prepares to come home while John McClane interacts with a new character, setting up potential conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh dynamics in family relationships and work-life balance, with authentic dialogue and relatable situations.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Holly showing a softer side as a mother and William providing comic relief and curiosity.

Character Changes: 6

Holly's character shows a softer side as a mother, hinting at potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to balance work and family life, as seen through Holly's interactions with her daughter and her husband's absence.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to communicate with her husband and ensure he has transportation upon arrival.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 5

There is a low level of conflict in the scene, mostly centered around internal struggles and potential future conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is subtle, with hints of conflict in the protagonist's personal life and relationships.

High Stakes: 4

The stakes are relatively low in this scene, focusing more on personal relationships and introductions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new dynamics and characters that could impact future events.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character interactions and outcomes, but the emotional depth adds layers of complexity.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between work obligations and personal relationships, as Holly juggles her responsibilities as a mother and a wife.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes emotions through the tender interaction between mother and daughter and the introduction of a new character.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is engaging, with a mix of affectionate exchanges between Holly and her daughter, and humorous banter between John McClane and William.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the emotional depth of the characters, the relatable conflicts, and the witty dialogue.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, with a mix of dialogue, action, and character introspection that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for dialogue and action descriptions, making it easy to read and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for character interactions and setting descriptions, enhancing the narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of purpose or direction, it feels disconnected from the rest of the script and doesn't advance the plot significantly.
  • The dialogue between Lucy and Holly feels forced and unnatural, lacking depth and emotional resonance.
  • The transition from Holly's phone call to McClane's interaction with William in the limo is abrupt and disjointed, making it hard for the audience to follow the narrative flow.
  • There is a lack of tension or conflict in the scene, making it feel flat and unengaging.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and sensory details to create a vivid and immersive setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue between Lucy and Holly to make it more authentic and emotionally impactful.
  • Integrate the transition between Holly's phone call and McClane's interaction with William more smoothly to maintain the narrative flow.
  • Add a sense of tension or conflict to the scene to keep the audience engaged and drive the plot forward.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions and sensory details to create a more immersive and engaging setting for the scene.
  • Consider revisiting the purpose of the scene and how it fits into the overall story arc to ensure it contributes meaningfully to the plot.



Scene 3 -  Arrivals and Introductions
10 INT. LOS ANGELES POLICE STATION - NIGHT 10
A miniature Christmas tree with blinking lights sits on a
desk of SERGEANT AL POWELL, thirties, a man who's had enough
experience to know how bad it can be out there. He speaks
in low tones to the telephone.
POWELL
(defensively)
Yeah, yeah, honey, don't go
crazy —
(listening, then)
— I know you're pregnant. I know
you get cravings. I didn't say I
wouldn't buy *em, I just said I wish
you'd buy *em in big boxes...
(CONTINUED)

A98
8

10 CONTINUED: ' 10
Suddenly Powell's miniature tree is knocked on its side and a
handgun goes spinning across the desk into his lap. He looks
up to see two cops trying to subdue a struggling suspect in
front of his desk. COP #1 looks up at Powell and grins.
COP #1
Don't worry, Al, it ain't loaded.
POWELL
(to phone)
I got to go.
Powell hangs up and puts the heavy firearm on the desk as the
two cops shove the suspect into a chair in front of him.
COP #2 stares at the suspect and points at Powell.
I COP #2
Sergeant Powell's a very deadly
man with a handgun, so don't try
anything or he might kill you...
by accident.
The two cops laugh. Powell ignores them, and expertly rolls
in a sheet of paper into his main weapon — the typewriter.
POWELL
(to suspect)
Full name, last name first...
11 -INT. LIMO - NIGHT 11
McClane and William pull up in front of the Nakatomi building,
a forty story, ultra-modern highrise in Century City.
WILLIAM
You here to patch things up?
MCCLANE
I'm here to try. Thanks for the
ride, William.
He gets out and William sits a moment in the car alone before
getting out to help him with the bags.
12 EXT. NAKATOMI BUILDING - NIGHT 12
William climbs out of the limo and stops by the trunk.
WILLIAM
What happens if you don't get back
with your wife? Where*re you going
to stay?
(CONTINUED)

A98
12 CONTINUED: _ 12
MCCLANE
I'll find someplace.
He looks up at the highrise lit by huge spotlights, then
back at William who's made no attempt to open the trunk.
WILLIAM
Look, I'm going to pull into the
parking garage and wait. You score
with your wife give me a call on
the car phone and I'11 leave your
bags inside at the desk. You strike
out...I'11 get you to a hotel.
He hands McClane a slip with the number on it.
MCCLANE
(taking the number)
Thanks. What're you going to do?
WILLIAM
Don't worry about William...
(points to the
stuffed animal)
...He's going to hang out with his
friend here till you call.
13 INT. NAKATOMI LOBBY - NIGHT 13
Beautiful and deserted. A large Christmas tree stands next
to the security table where the GUARD sits. McClane goes to
the desk and signs in.
MCCLANE
Holly Gennaro. International Sales.
GUARD
Thirty-second floor...You can't miss
'em, they're the only ones left in
the place.
14 INT. ELEVATOR - NIGHT 14
McClane riding the elevator. He rotates his head. Getting
the cricks out. As he approaches the 32nd floor we
hear a tremendous THUMPING, THROBBING NOISE. McClane
stops and listens before he realizes — it's the party. As
the doors open the noise attacks us.
15 32ND FLOOR - SAME 15
McClane moves around the edge of the party and stops a
dancing woman who points to Holly's "office.

A98
10

16 HOLLY'S OFFICE - SAME 16
McClane pauses at the door and notes the name, then knocks.
It is opened by Takagi. Ellis sits behind Holly's secretary's
desk and nervously taps a tightly-rolled dollar bill.
MCCLANE
Sorry, I was looking for —
TAKAGI
Holly Gennaro?
MCCLANE
Yeah...
TAKAGI
Then you must be John McClane.
(introducing
himself)
Joe Takagi, John. How was your
ride in?
Ellis subtly runs a checking finger under his nose then stands
to shake hands with McClane. McClane takes it all in.
MCCLANE
Nice. Do I have you to thank for
that?
TAKAGI
Or blame for it. She was going to
meet you herself, but I threw some
things at her at the last minutes.
(motions to Ellis)
John, this is Harry Ellis one of our
shining stars in international sales.
(to Ellis)
John is a New York policeman.
ELLIS
(shaking hands)
Pleasure to meet you. I've heard
a lot about you from your ex-...
(correcting
himself)
...your wife.
We can tell by McClane's look that he doesn't think much of
Ellis. McClane holds Ellis' look and runs his finger subtly
under his nose.
MCCLANE
(low, to Elli.s)
You missed some.

(CONTINUED)

A98
11

16 CONTINUED: 16
yflE^X

MCCLANE (Cont.)
(to Takagi)
Well, you fellas throw quite a
Christmas party.
Ellis automatically puts his hand to his face before
realizing his face is clean.

TAKAGI
Well, actually it's also a little
celebration for a deal we closed
this afternoon. A $150,000,000
deal. A deal we have Holly to
thank a lot for —
Holly enters. Seeing McClane momentarily stops her.
J
/
HOLLY
(surprised)
John...Oh...Did you meet everyone? —

TAKAGI
No, we've been sticking spears in
^S*!S\ him...of course he has.
McClane and Holly look at each other for a moment awkwardly
then she kisses him on the cheek. The awkwardness pleases
Ellis.
TAKAGI
(to McClane)
She's made for this business.
Tough as nails.

ELLIS
Show him the watch.
He points to a new gold Rolex on Holly's wrist.
HOLLY
(giving him
a look)
I will later.
ELLIS
Ahh...Show him. Don't be
embarrassed.
(to McClane)
A little something to show how much
we appreciate her good work.
(CONTINUED)

A98
12

16 CONTINUED: (2) 16

Holly fixes Ellis with a lethal look.
MCCLANE
I'm sure I'll see it later. Right
now I could use a place to wash up.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary A suspect is subdued and brought before a police officer, Powell. Meanwhile, McClane arrives at the Nakatomi Building to reconcile with his wife, Holly. Upon entering the building, he encounters Takagi and Ellis, Holly's colleagues. Ellis, who is arrogant and condescending, attempts to belittle McClane, but McClane subtly mocks him.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Some cliched character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the dynamics between the characters, establishes the tone of the story, and hints at potential conflicts to come. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, and the introduction of Ellis adds an interesting twist.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a holiday reunion between estranged spouses in a high-stakes environment is compelling and sets the stage for future developments. The introduction of Ellis as a potential antagonist adds depth to the story.

Plot: 8

The plot moves forward as John McClane arrives at the Nakatomi building to reunite with his wife, Holly. The introduction of Ellis and the tension between the characters foreshadow potential conflicts and obstacles.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a police officer's internal and external struggles, as well as the dynamic between law enforcement and suspects. The dialogue feels authentic and the characters' actions are believable.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their interactions reveal underlying tensions and conflicts. John McClane's no-nonsense attitude contrasts with Ellis's slick demeanor, adding depth to the character dynamics.

Character Changes: 6

While there are subtle hints at character growth and change, particularly in the interactions between John McClane and Holly, the scene primarily focuses on establishing the initial dynamics between the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Sergeant Powell's internal goal is to maintain his composure and professionalism in a potentially dangerous situation. This reflects his desire to protect and serve, as well as his fear of making a mistake that could have serious consequences.

External Goal: 7

Sergeant Powell's external goal is to handle the suspect and ensure the safety of himself and his colleagues. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining order in a chaotic environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between John McClane and Ellis, as well as the underlying tension between McClane and Holly, adds depth and intrigue to the scene. The introduction of conflicting motivations sets the stage for future conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the suspect's actions creating a sense of danger and uncertainty. The audience is left wondering how Sergeant Powell will handle the situation and what the outcome will be.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes are subtly hinted at through the tension between the characters, the potential conflicts that arise, and the underlying issues in John and Holly's relationship. The scene sets the stage for escalating stakes and challenges.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing key characters, setting up potential conflicts, and hinting at future developments. The arrival of John McClane at the Nakatomi building marks a significant turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the suspect and the tension that arises from the interaction between characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the idea of maintaining control and authority in a dangerous situation, and the potential for violence and chaos to disrupt that control. This challenges Sergeant Powell's beliefs about the role of law enforcement and the balance between power and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from tension and awkwardness to intrigue and anticipation. The reunion between John and Holly hints at unresolved feelings and sets the stage for emotional developments.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and engaging, revealing the personalities of the characters and setting up potential conflicts. The banter between McClane, Holly, and Ellis adds tension and intrigue to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its realistic portrayal of police work, the dynamic between characters, and the tension that builds throughout. The dialogue and actions keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a gradual escalation of conflict and resolution that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the dialogue and action enhances the overall impact of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue that are easy to follow. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure, with a setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward. The pacing and formatting are effective in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The transition from the police station to the limo scene feels abrupt and disjointed, lacking a smooth flow.
  • The dialogue between Powell and his wife at the police station, while adding some character depth, feels slightly forced and could be more natural.
  • The introduction of the handgun spinning across Powell's desk and the interaction with the suspect feels a bit cliched and could be more original.
  • The scene in the limo with William lacks depth and meaningful interaction, it could benefit from more engaging dialogue and character development.
  • The arrival at the Nakatomi building and the conversation between McClane and William feels rushed and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to build tension or intrigue.
Suggestions
  • Consider a smoother transition between scenes to maintain the narrative flow.
  • Revise the dialogue between Powell and his wife to make it more authentic and engaging.
  • Find a more original way to introduce the handgun spinning across Powell's desk to avoid cliches.
  • Enhance the interaction between McClane and William in the limo to add depth and intrigue to their conversation.
  • Develop the arrival at the Nakatomi building scene to build tension and set the stage for the upcoming events.



Scene 4 -  Reunion in the Dark
17 EXT. NAKATOMI - NIGHT 17

A UPS truck turns off Olympic into the underground parking
garage of Nakatomi.

18 INT. PARKING GARAGE 18

It goes down the ramp and passes William's black limo. William
I is not visible in the front. The back windows are tinted.

19 INT. LIMO - SAME 19

William sits in the backseat. He is making a drink from the
bar with the TV on and his rap music blasting from the
cassette player, oblivious to the truck passing behind him.

20 INT. PARKING GARAGE - SAME 20
The UPS truck stops in front of the service elevator on the
next level down. As the truck idles, the uniformed driver
makes a note on his clipboard.

21 INT. ELLIS' OFFICE- WASHROOM - NIGHT 21

Holly sits in Ellis' office — a Sharper Image kind of place.
Through a door to the private washroom, she watches McClane
in his T-shirt finish washing his face.
HOLLY
Sorry about Ellis. He has a
hard time this time of year...
MCCLANE
Hey, I know the type. He thought
he was God's greatest gift.
They both smile, a reminder of something past.
HOLLY
So, where are you staying? This
all happened so fast I didn't
even ask you on the phone.
(CONTINUED)
A98
13

21 . CONTINUED: 21
J^tn\


McClane finishes drying his face and steps to the doorway.
MCCLANE
Well, Cappy Roberts retired out
here a couple years ago. He said
I could bunk with him.
HOLLY
Oh...Where does he live?
MCCLANE
Pomona.
HOLLY
PomonaI You'll be in the car
the whole time...Look, let's make
this easy. I have a spare bedroom.
It's not huge, but the kids would
love to have you at the house.
McClane fixes her with a look.
MCCLANE
How about you?
HOLLY
(beat, honest)
I would too.
MCCLANE
I feel kinda stupid asking how
things are going, that seems
pretty obvious.
He nods at her new watch. She rubs her watchband
self-consciously and when she looks up McClane is staring
at her.
MCCLANE
God, you look good.
HOLLY
(pleased, smiles)
You don't look half-bad yourself.
They lock eyes for a moment, but it's an intense moment that
says a lot about how they still feel about each other. Just
then a man and a woman, both a little tipsy, open the door
to the office, see that its occupied and beat a hasty
/Si^V retreat. The interruption temporarily dents the mood.
Holly tries to smile.
(CONTINUED)


A98
14

21 ' CONTINUED: (2) 21
HOLLY
Welcome to L.A...I've missed you.
She leaves and McClane smiles to himself — it's a start. He
looks at all the lavishness around him and picks up a phone
on the wall by the toilet. He opens his wallet and takes out
the phone number William gave him. A photo of his children
stops him.
22 INSERT - THE PHOTO 22
Holly and the two children we saw at Holly's house. He flips
it over. On the back in crude but painstaking hand of a
five-year-old it says: WE MISS YOU, DADDY. LOVE JOHN (and
in more primative letters) LUCY.
23 MCCLANE 23
returns the photo to his wallet, dials the number and begins
to unlace his shoes.
Genres: ["Action","Drama","Thriller"]

Summary In the dimly lit Nakatomi Plaza parking garage, a UPS truck pulls up, unnoticed by William in his limo. Meanwhile, McClane and Holly share a nostalgic moment in Ellis' office washroom. McClane attempts to call William, but is sidetracked by a photo of his children. Undeterred, he redials William's number, unaware of his impending clash with the terrorists lurking within the building.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Authentic dialogue
  • Poignant moments
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and sets up a strong foundation for future developments. The dialogue is engaging and reveals important aspects of the characters' relationship.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of reuniting a separated couple in the midst of a high-stakes situation is compelling and adds depth to the overall story. It sets the stage for potential conflicts and resolutions.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as John McClane confronts his wife Holly and they begin to reconnect on an emotional level. The introduction of the photo of their children adds a poignant element to the scene.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar theme of family reconciliation but adds originality through its nuanced character interactions and dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and emotions enhances the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of John McClane and Holly are well-developed and their interactions feel authentic and layered. The scene effectively showcases their complex emotions and history.

Character Changes: 8

Both John and Holly experience a shift in their emotional state during the scene, hinting at potential growth and change in their relationship. The reunion sparks a change in their dynamic.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to reconnect with his estranged wife and children, as well as to navigate his feelings towards her. This reflects his deeper desire for reconciliation and emotional connection.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to find a place to stay in Los Angeles, which reflects the immediate challenge of his unexpected visit and the need for accommodation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is emotional conflict between John and Holly, the scene is more focused on their internal struggles and the potential for reconciliation. The external conflict is minimal.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the protagonist's internal conflicts and the challenges of reconnecting with his family. While not overtly dramatic, the obstacles add depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 5

While the stakes are not overtly high in this scene, the emotional stakes for the characters are significant. The potential for reconciliation and rebuilding their relationship adds a layer of tension.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional connection between John and Holly. It sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 6

This scene is somewhat predictable in terms of its emotional beats and character interactions. While there are moments of tension and surprise, the overall trajectory is familiar.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of love, family, and forgiveness. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about relationships and second chances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience as they witness the reunion and emotional turmoil of the characters. The photo of the children adds a poignant touch.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reveals important information about the characters' past and present. It also conveys the underlying tension and longing between John and Holly.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, emotion, and character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the protagonist's journey and relationships, creating a sense of investment.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-crafted, with a balance of dialogue, action, and emotional beats. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in conveying the characters' relationships and conflicts.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with proper scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue. The clarity of formatting aids in visualizing the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene transitions smoothly from the UPS truck arriving at the Nakatomi building to William in the limo, creating a sense of continuity.
  • The interaction between Holly and McClane in Ellis' office washroom is well-written, showing a mix of nostalgia, tension, and underlying affection between the characters.
  • The dialogue between Holly and McClane is natural and engaging, revealing their history and current feelings for each other.
  • The interruption by the tipsy couple adds a touch of humor and breaks the intense moment between Holly and McClane, providing a realistic touch to the scene.
  • The use of the photo of McClane's children adds depth to his character and highlights his emotional connection to his family.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the scene.
  • Explore ways to further develop the relationship dynamics between Holly and McClane to create a more compelling emotional arc.
  • Ensure that the interruptions in the scene flow naturally and do not disrupt the overall pacing.
  • Consider incorporating subtle gestures or actions to convey the characters' emotions and thoughts more effectively.
  • Continue to build on the tension and chemistry between Holly and McClane to keep the audience engaged and invested in their relationship.



Scene 5 -  The Heist
24 INT. BUILDING LOBBY - SAME 24
The Guard at the front desk notices the UPS truck on his
monitor. The Guard continues to watch the UPS truck and
only half notices as a BMW pulls up in front of the building
and two extremely well-dressed, BUSINESSMEN (late twenties)
climb out and start up the stairs for the door. As they
cross the lobby to the Guard's table to sign-in, we hear
•their conversation.
MAN #1 (THEO)
(animatedly)
...So, Kareem rebounds — listen,
this is a great play — feeds Worthy
on the break, over to A.C., to Magic,
back to Worthy in the lane and —
Suddenly the other man pulls out a Walther pistol with a
silencer and aims it at the Guard's forehead. Before the
Guard can react he pulls the trigger.
MAN #1 (THEO)
(dryly)
Boom...two points.
(The speed with which the murder takes place sets the tone
for the rest of the action.) The killer moves behind the
desk, stepping over a small pool of blood from the Guard.
His name is KARL, big, with long blond hair like a rock
drummer. Karl takes off the silencer and looks at the
(CONTINUED)


A98
15

24 CONTINUED: 24
J0£\
video monitor of the UPS truck. The first man, THEO, opens
his briefcase and takes out a portable CB radio.
THEO
(on CB)
We're in.
25 ON THE SCREEN 25
the driver nods at the security camera as several men climb
out the rear of the van and begin unloading wooden crates•by
the service elevator.
26 INT. BUILDING OPERATIONS CONTROL ROOM 26
Theo enters the small control room and comfortably sits
behind a maintenance keyboard. With a few typed-in commands
}
he locks down the passenger elevators up to the 32nd floor.
i Then with several more computer commands, .systematically
causes:
27 THE HEAVY STEEL GATES TO THE PARKING GARAGE CLOSE 27
28 THE ESCALATORS TO THE GARAGE COME TO A STOP 28
29 THE POWERFUL BLOWERS IN THE AIR CONDITIONING TOWER 29
ON THE ROOF SUDDENLY STOP AND WE HEAR JUST THE
TRICKLE OF WATER IN THE COOLING TOWER
30 CONTROL ROOM - SAME 30
Theo finishes typing and disconnects the keyboard and pulls
out the wires from beneath the panel.
31 INT. LOBBY - SAME 31
The doors to a service elevator open TO REVEAL HANS GRUBER,
impeccably dressed, lean and handsome, he steps out into the
lobby like he owns the building — and in a way he does.
Theo steps to the door of the control room and tosses Hans
the Guard's master keys. Hans goes to the front door and
locks it. He looks out at the street — not a creature is
stirring — Century City is quiet.
32 KARL 32
waits beside an elevator which opens REVEALING NINE MEN
dressed in fatigues, all armed with Kalashnikov machine guns
and carrying canvas kit bags. One of them, HEINZ, in his
twenties, goes to the dead guard and immediately begins
\ changing into the dead man's clothes.



A98
16

33 KARL 33
takes a tool case from the elevator and heads silently for
the basement stairwell.
34 THEO 34
leaves the control room and nods to Hans.
35 HEINZ 35

half-dressed in his uniform, takes his position behind the
front desk.
36 HANS 36
looks at his watch and seems pleased. He steps into the
service elevator with the others and presses the button for
1 the 32nd floor. The entire sequence has taken maybe sixty
( seconds.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Two well-dressed businessmen, Theo, and Karl, enter a building lobby and kill the guard. They then proceed to disable the building's security systems before being joined by Hans Gruber who brings in a team of armed men dressed in fatigues. The group then enters a service elevator and presses the button for the 32nd floor.
Strengths
  • Effective setup of main conflict
  • Tense and suspenseful tone
  • Detailed description of the criminals' plan
Weaknesses
  • Lack of standout dialogue
  • Limited emotional impact on the audience

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets up the main conflict of the story, establishes the tone of suspense and danger, and introduces key characters and their motivations.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a meticulously planned takeover of a building by a group of criminals is engaging and sets the stage for intense action and suspense.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as the criminals take control of the building, creating a sense of urgency and danger for the protagonist and other characters.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar heist scenario but adds a fresh twist with unexpected character actions and dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' behavior and the rapid escalation of tension contribute to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The introduction of the criminals and their leader, as well as the protagonist's arrival at the building, adds depth to the character dynamics and motivations.

Character Changes: 5

There are no significant character changes in this scene, as the focus is more on establishing the conflict and setting up the action.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is likely survival and possibly revenge for the murder of the guard. The sudden violence and threat to their safety reflect their deeper fears and desires for self-preservation.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to carry out a heist or some form of criminal activity in the building. The actions of locking down the building and preparing for the operation reflect their immediate circumstances and challenges.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is high as the criminals take over the building, creating a tense and dangerous situation for the protagonist and other characters.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the sudden violence, calculated actions of the antagonists, and the unpredictable nature of the heist creating a sense of danger and suspense that keeps the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as the criminals take control of the building, putting the lives of the protagonist and other characters in danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the main conflict and setting up the protagonist's mission to confront the criminals.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden violence, unexpected character actions, and the rapid escalation of tension that keeps the audience guessing about the characters' motives and next moves.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the morality of the characters' actions. The cold-blooded murder of the guard and the calculated nature of the heist challenge traditional values of right and wrong.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene focuses more on building tension and suspense rather than eliciting strong emotional reactions from the audience.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue is functional in setting up the scene and establishing the characters' roles, but lacks standout moments or memorable lines.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and unpredictable twists that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, with a gradual buildup of tension, quick action beats, and a cliffhanger ending that propels the narrative forward with a sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene adheres to the expected formatting for a suspenseful heist genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format for a suspenseful heist genre, with clear setups, escalating tension, and a cliffhanger ending that propels the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a sudden and shocking act of violence, setting a dark and intense tone for the rest of the action. This sets the stage for the unfolding events in the building.
  • The dialogue between the two businessmen, especially the dry humor after the murder, adds an eerie and chilling element to the scene.
  • The visual description of Karl, the killer, with long blond hair like a rock drummer, creates a memorable and intimidating image of the character.
  • The systematic locking down of the building by Theo in the control room adds a sense of precision and calculated planning to the terrorists' actions.
  • The introduction of Hans Gruber, the impeccably dressed and charismatic leader of the terrorists, adds a layer of sophistication and danger to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more details about the characters' motivations and backgrounds to deepen the audience's understanding of their actions.
  • Explore the emotional impact of the violence on the characters and how it affects their decisions and interactions throughout the scene.
  • Enhance the tension by building up the suspense leading to the moment of violence, creating a more gripping and engaging atmosphere.
  • Provide more insight into the terrorists' plan and objectives to increase the stakes and create a sense of urgency for the protagonist and other characters.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting and enhance the overall atmosphere of the scene.



Scene 6 -  McClane's Standoff
37 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - 32ND FLOOR - SAME 37
McClane, barefoot, his pant legs rolled up above his ankles.
He finishes dialing and waits for the party to answer.

/Jl//lfl"\ 38 INT. BUILDING BASEMENT - PHONE ROOM 38
A large sign says: PACIFIC BELL EMPLOYEES ONLY. Inside
Karl stands in front of an intimidating matrix of phone lines
— but what he has in mind won't require a doctorate in
Electrical Engineering. He focuses on four CPV plastic
conduits which run out of the main panel over his head and
opens his case REVEALING a compact electric chain saw.
39 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - SAME 39
McClane on the phone.
MCCLANE
(on phone)
William?...
40 INT. LIMO 40
William is reclining on the seat. The music is on so loud
that it is nearly impossible to hear.
WILLIAM
So, man, what's the story?
/liBBNy 41 INT. PHONE ROOM - SAME 41
Karl cuts through the four tubes one at a time.



A98
17
42 INT. ELLIS' BATHROOM - SAME 42
ytf&*^S McClane on the phone.
MCCLANE
I'm just calling to —
He stops and gently taps the phone cradle. No dial tone.
43 INT. LIMO 43
William looks at the phone.
WILLIAM
W h a t ? — M r . Mac, you there?
He turns down the music but there is no one on the line.
WILLIAM
(to himself)
Well, call me back, John. You got
the number.
He hangs up and turns the volume back up.
44 ELLIS' OFFICE 44
He hangs up the phone and goes into Ellis' office and picks
up the phone on the desk. It too is dead.
\ 45 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR 45
Hans and the others approaching the 32nd floor. As they grow
closer we hear the noise of the speakers growing louder and
louder. The men cock their weapons and brace themselves as
the car stops and the elevator doors open. ON THE SOUND OF
GUNSHOTS AND SCREAMS WE:
CUT TO:
46 INT. ELLIS' OFFICE 46
McClane grabs his shoulder harness off the back of the chair
and moves quickly to the doorway. He looks down the hall.
47 HIS P.O.V. 47
Two terrorists, FRANCO and TONY, armed with M-5 machine guns
searching the offices on the hall one by one. They open a
door, look in from the hallway, and move on quickly to the
next. They are four offices away and moving fast.
McClane looks across the corridor and sees the stairwell door
— too far to reach without being seen.
(*** 48 MCCLANE , . 48
steps back, throws off the safety on his Beretta and braces
himself.

A98
18
49 HALLWAY - FRANCO AND TONY 49
^0™^

reach the office just before Ellis' and throw open the door
REVEALING the man and woman who interrupted Holly and
McClane a few minutes before, now in the throes of passionate
lovemaking on the desk. The two terrorists smile at each
other then enter the office.
A moment later the man, trying desperately to pull up his
pants and woman buttoning her blouse, are pushed out into
the hall and toward the party, by Tony. The other
terrorist. Franco, goes to Ellis' office and opens the door.
It is empty. Only McClane's shoes and coat remain.
50 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 50
CLOSE ON McClane's bare feet padding quickly up the concrete
stairs, two at a time. We FOLLOW him up two flights, then
| out onto the:
51 34TH FLOOR 51
i
| Unlike the 32nd it has no surrounding offices, just one
| large secretarial pool with hundreds of desks, hundreds of
phones, dark and deserted. McClane moves quickly to a desk
and picks up a phone. It's out.
P MCCLANE
1
Shit...
Out the windows a high-rise apartment building a half-block
away sparkles with lights. McClane stares at a woman in her
kitchen. We SEE her wipe her hands on an apron and turn to
answer a telephone. It seems so easy.
McCLANE
Think...
52 INT. 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - SAME 52
The employees have been herded to the center of the room
where the desks have been pulled back. Many people are
whimpering. Holly looks around the room for McClane; she
sees Ellis. Takagi, stubbornly refusing to cooperate is
pushed toward the group. Hans steps up on top of a desk
and looks over the group.
HANS
(soothing, in control)
Ladies and gentlemen, due to Nakatomi's
legacy of greed in Third World countries,
it is about to be made an example. You,
{ unfortunately, are part of the recompense.

(CONTINUED)

A98
19

52 CONTINUED: 52
HANS (Cont.)
We are going to collect identification.
This is not a pillage — we do not want
your wallets or money. A driver's
license or ID with a photo will do nicely.
Several of the terrorists begin collecting IDs as people hunt
for ID.
HANS
At present we have no intentions of
hurting anyone. If our demands are
not met, however — expect that to
change.
(beat, smiles)
Your cooperation is appreciated.
f He steps down from the desk and goes into:
/
53 HOLLY'S OFFICE 53
where a terrorist with glasses, FRITZ, has begun to set up
operations. A large CB unit is placed on her desk and a TV
monitor is put on the credenza. While he works, Hans picks
up an 8x10 photo on the credenza.
y 54 CLOSE - THE PHOTO 54
The same one that we saw in McClane's wallet of Holly and
the children.
55 HANS 55
He puts the photo back. Franco (who checked Ellis' office)
brings McClane*s coat, socks and shoes. Hans examines the
clothes and looks at the man who brought them.
HANS
Is this all?
FRANCO
(nods)
Do you want us to search for him?
HANS
No. He can't signal for help and
he cannot get out.
Hans feels the fabric of McClane's topcoat as Franco leaves
and Takagi is brought to the office. Hans smiles.
jt0>&\


(CONTINUED)



A98
20

55 CONTINUED: 55
f*y HANS
(pleasantly)
Mr, Takagi, my name is Hans Gruber.
Would you come with me, please?
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane realizes the phone lines have been cut and prepares to confront the terrorists, who are searching the halls. Meanwhile, Hans informs the hostages of their demands. McClane runs up the stairwell and reaches the 34th floor, where he sees a woman answering a phone in an apartment building.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Complex characters
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the hostage situation setup

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and sets up the main conflict of the story effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a hostage situation in a high-rise building with terrorists is well-executed and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with multiple layers of conflict and escalating tension.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar action genre premise but adds unique elements like the use of a phone room and the terrorists' unconventional methods. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are intriguing and have depth, especially John McClane and Hans Gruber.

Character Changes: 7

John McClane's determination and resourcefulness are highlighted as he navigates the dangerous situation.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to protect his wife and the other hostages from the terrorists. This reflects his deeper need for connection and love, as well as his fear of losing his loved ones.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to outsmart and defeat the terrorists to save the hostages and himself. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the building.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the terrorists posing a significant threat to McClane and the hostages.

High Stakes: 9

The lives of the hostages and the actions of the terrorists create high stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the main conflict and raising the stakes.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters and the shifting power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the terrorists' belief in using violence to achieve their goals and McClane's belief in justice and protecting innocent lives. This challenges McClane's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, suspense, and empathy for the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and contributes to building the tension and revealing character motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension, building suspense, and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup of the conflict, rising tension, and character motivations.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from McClane calling William to Karl in the building basement with a chainsaw, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • There is a lack of clarity in the purpose of Karl cutting the phone lines, as it is not explicitly stated why he is doing this.
  • The dialogue between McClane and William in the limo feels disconnected from the action happening with Karl in the basement, creating a disjointed narrative flow.
  • The tension and suspense built up in the previous scenes are not effectively carried over into this scene, resulting in a loss of momentum.
  • The visual descriptions of the scene could be more detailed to enhance the atmosphere and setting.
Suggestions
  • Consider restructuring the scene to create a smoother transition between the different locations and actions.
  • Provide more context for Karl's actions in cutting the phone lines to make his motives clearer to the audience.
  • Integrate the dialogue between McClane and William more seamlessly with the unfolding events in the building.
  • Maintain the tension and suspense from the previous scenes by building up the stakes and sense of urgency in this scene.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to better immerse the audience in the setting and atmosphere of the scene.



Scene 7 -  McClane Infiltrates Nakatomi Plaza
56 INT. STAIRWELL - 38TH FLOOR - SAME 56
McClane pauses outside the stairwell door to the 38th floor,
he presses the handle and cracks the door open TO REVEAL a
computer floor. The-computer machinery drones on under the
lights behind plate glass windows. McClane quietly closes
the door and makes a note on a piece of paper.
57 CLOSE - THE PAPER 57
It is a listing of the floors and says:
» 32 Hostages
/ 33 ?
34 Open Floor
35 Open Floor
36 Cubicles
37 Cubicles and inside offices (TV
sets in inside office)
38 Computers
f* 58 MCCLANE 58
moves up the stairs to the next landing, the 39th floor, and
tries to open the door. It is locked. He keeps going up.
59 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - NIGHT 59
Hans, Takagi, Karl and Tony. Riding silently. Hans alone
seems relaxed. He whistles. We recognize it as
"Whistle While You Work."- He looks at Takagi*s suit.
HANS
Nice suit. John Philips...London?
TAKAGI
(surprised)
How the hell would you know?
HANS
(smiles)
I have two myself...
He continues whistling and enjoys Takagi's surprise.
HANS
f^' You are surprised a 'terrorist' would
know fine tailors?
(CONTINUED)
A98
21

59 CONTINUED: 59
The answer is obvious. Hans smiles and lowers his voice as
if sharing an inside secret.
HANS
Rumor has it Arafat buys his there.
60 INT. STAIRWELL 60
McClane starts to open the stairwell door to the 40th Floor
when a NOISE above him gets his attention. He moves silently
up.one flight to the roof. Quietly, he cracks the door and
looks out onto a Machine floor on the lower level of the roof.
61 HIS P.O.V. 61
Three terrorists, JAMES, ULI and HEINRICH, unload the wooden
crates we saw in the garage from the service elevator. One
of them looks his way and:
62 MCCLANE 62
closes the door and slips back down the stairs, opening the
door to the next floor. Like the others, it is dark but we
instantly know from the paneling that he has reached an
executive floor. VOICES and a light at the end of the hallway
draw him in that direction.
63 INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - 40TH FLOOR - NIGHT 63
CLOSE ON a scale model of a bridge. Constructed to exacting
detail. Hans admires it. Behind him are photographs of the
gorge where the bridge will be constructed and maps of
Central America. Karl, Tony and a wiry terrorist, MARCO,
listen. Takagi watches.
HANS
It's beautiful. I always enjoyed
models as a boy. The exactness, the
attention to detail. Beautiful...
TAKAGI
(defensively)
Contrary to what you people think,
that bridge and its construction will
open up that entire region to growth.
Hans straightens, looks hard at Takagi.
HANS
I believe you.
Takagi looks confused. Hans puts a friendly arm around
Takagi's shoulders and guides him into the adjacent boardroom
where Theo types in commands onto a built-in computer console.
A98 (CONTINUED)
22

63 CONTINUED: 63
HANS
Mr. Takagi, I'm sure you've realized
that I didn't bring you up here to
look at models or debate your business
ethics.
Theo types at the console.
64 INSERT: SCREEN 64
It says: NAKATOMI INVESTMENT PENSION PLAN and a list of
Serial and CUSIP numbers. In one stroke they are deleted
from the screen. Then the next message comes up: ENTER
ACCESS NUMBER.
65 TAKAGI 65
He stops as Theo turns and faces him. He knows suddenly what
it's all about. Hans smiles at Takagi.
HANS
You can make our lives very easy,
Mr. Takagi.
TAKAGI
I don't know the code.
/$^&N

Hans slowly takes out his Walther and his silencer. He feels
his silencer a moment, as if making a decision, then slips it
back into his coat pocket. Takagi sees the gun.
TAKAGI
(more seriously)
Only three people know it, the CEO,
the Chief financial officer and the
Chairman. I'm not privy to such
information.
Hans presses the gun against Takagi's lapel.
HANS
(calmly)
You wouldn't lie to me, would you?
TAKAGI
(holding Hans' look)
No.
He gulps. Theo looks hard at Karl, who reluctantly meets
his look.
THEO
(to Karl)
I told you he wouldn't know.
(CONTINUED)
A98
23

65 CONTINUED: 65
Karl gives Theo five dollars — a private bet. Takagi takes
heart, but Hans doesn't put up his gun.
TAKAGI
I told you the truth.
HANS
And I believe you, Mr. Takagi...Now,
believe me. We didn't need the code...
and I'm going to kill you anyway.
He cocks the gun then hesitates, moves the barrel upward off
his suit.
HANS
Too nice a suit to ruin...
I He moves the barrel up Takagi*s neck, seemingly searching for
/ just the right spot. He pauses below Takagi's jaw, next to
his jugular and snuggles the barrel gently into the niche.
.Takagi looks around .the room. The others watch stoically.
Hans moves the barrel from the jugular to a point directly
over Takagi's adam's apple and finally seems satisfied. The
Exec locks eyes with Hans.
TAKAGI
I'm not scared of you.
HANS
I know...but you probably should be.
66 HALLWAY - ON MCCLANE - SAME 66
He presses his eye to the crack in the door just in time to
see Hans pull the trigger. In the tiny room it sounds like
Hiroshima. The blast knocks Takagi backwards onto his butt,
a gaping hole in his throat. He remains seated upright for
an instant, stunned, before Hans steps up and puts another
bullet in his chest.
67 CLOSE ON MCCLANE 67
He is stunned and moves back from the door holding his breath.
His gun bumps against the paneling.
68 ON HANS - TAKAGI'S OFFICE 68
He looks up at the sound.
HANS
What's that?
(CONTINUED)

A98
24

68 CONTINUED: 68
{ Marco turns to the door to the hallway where McClane was and
throws open the door. The long, darkened hallway is deserted.
He steps into the:
69 HALLWAY 69
and stops in front of the only door near the conference room
— a Supply Closet — and tries the door — it is locked.
MARCO
(to Hans)
Nothing.
70 CONFERENCE ROOM 70
Karl stares at the body of Takagi then looks up at Hans as
i Marco returns to the room.
' HANS
(to Karl)
Go supervise the work on the roof.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane cautiously explores Nakatomi Plaza, gathering information and avoiding detection. He overhears Hans interrogate Takagi and witness Hans kill him. McClane narrowly escapes detection and continues his exploration.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Well-defined characters
Weaknesses
  • Graphic violence
  • Lack of character development for some minor characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and sets up the main conflict of the story effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a terrorist takeover in a high-rise building is a classic action thriller premise, executed with precision in this scene.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of the terrorists, their demands, and the brutal killing of a character, raising the stakes for the protagonist.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the hostage situation genre by focusing on the moral dilemmas faced by the characters and the intricate dynamics between them.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, especially Hans Gruber who exudes menace and intelligence. McClane's shock and determination add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

McClane experiences shock and determination, setting him on a path of action and heroism.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to save the hostages and stop the terrorists, reflecting his desire to protect others and his sense of duty as a police officer.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to navigate through the building, gather information about the terrorists, and ultimately stop their plan.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the terrorists and the hostages, as well as McClane's conflict with the terrorists, is intense and drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing difficult moral choices and conflicting values.

High Stakes: 10

The high stakes of life and death, power dynamics, and the imminent danger faced by the characters make the scene gripping and intense.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the main conflict and escalating the danger for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and moral choices made by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Hans' ruthless approach to achieving his goals and Takagi's ethical stance. This challenges McClane's beliefs about justice and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The brutal killing of Takagi and McClane's reaction evoke strong emotions, heightening the tension and stakes.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and serves the tension of the scene, particularly in the interaction between Hans and Takagi.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and suspenseful atmosphere.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and keeps the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced and structured format, effectively building tension and suspense as the characters navigate through the building.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from McClane noting the different floors in the building to a tense confrontation between Hans and Takagi, which may be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Hans and Takagi is intense and well-written, but the transition back to McClane's perspective could be smoother.
  • The scene lacks a clear connection between McClane's actions and the unfolding events with Hans and Takagi, making it feel disjointed.
  • The visual descriptions are vivid and help set the tone for the scene, but the shift in focus between McClane and the terrorists could be more seamless.
  • The tension and suspense in the scene are effectively built up, especially with the impending threat to Takagi's life, but the pacing could be improved for better flow.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between McClane's observations of the building and the confrontation between Hans and Takagi to improve coherence.
  • Integrate McClane's actions more directly with the unfolding events involving Hans and Takagi to create a stronger connection between the different storylines.
  • Enhance the pacing of the scene by balancing the tension between McClane's movements and the escalating threat to Takagi for a more cohesive narrative.
  • Clarify the purpose of McClane's actions in the scene and how they contribute to the overall plot to ensure a more seamless progression of events.
  • Work on refining the structure of the scene to maintain a consistent focus and build a more cohesive storyline that engages the audience effectively.



Scene 8 -  McClane's Confrontation with Tony
71 INT. SUPPLY CLOSET 71
In the darkness of the closet we MAKE OUT McClane, pressed
against the wall. He listens to the footsteps moving away
and lets out a breath.
MCCLANE
(whispers)
Jesus, Williams, what're you doing
down there?
CUT TO:
72 INT. LIMO - PARKING GARAGE 72
William is on the car phone. The music is playing.
WILLIAM
I'm working, honey. Working hard.
•Course I'll be by later to pick you
up, have I ever lied to you? My boss?
He thinks I'm cruising down to San Diego...
73 SAFE ROOM - 39TH FLOOR 73
Hans and Theo enter the safe room. The huge corporate safe
looms in front of them. Theo places three kit bags onto a
table and rolls up his sleeves.
HANS
How long?
• •' THEO
(eyeing the safe)
Ask me in an hour.
A98
25

74 37TH FLOOR 74
-i$KJ*>\


McClane moves out onto the 37th floor, angry at himself.
MCCLANE
Why the fuck didn't you stop him?
(beat)
Because, you ignorant sonofabitch,
you'd be dead, too. Think...think,
goddamnit!
Suddenly he looks up at the ceiling and sees a sprinkler head.
His look drops to the wall and focuses on a small red fire
alarm switch by the door.
75 INT. MAIN FLOOR - L.A. FIRE STATION - NIGHT 75
An alarm sounds. Quickly firemen move to their machines as
a voice of a 911 Dispatcher drones.
911 DISPATCHER
Main Wilshire units. Two alarm fire
at Nakatomi —
The voice continues as the station doors open and we:
CUT TO:
76 INT. NAKATOMI - GROUND FLOOR OPERATIONS ROOM - SAME 76
A fire alarm indicator light showing which floor has sounded
the fire alarm — suddenly begins flashing, emitting short,
loud beeps. Heinz, the terrorist in the guard's uniform and
manning the station, immediately picks up his CB.
77 37TH FLOOR - SAME 77
McClane stands at windows looking Northward for fire trucks.
Suddenly we SEE the flashing red lights of two trucks in
traffic two miles away.
MCCLANE
C'mon, baby...c'mon.
78 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - ON HANS - SAME 78
He rides the elevator back to 32nd floor with Tony.
HANS
(calmly, to Heinz on CB)
Use the portable phone. Call 911,
give them your badge number and cancel
/"**> the alarm...then disable the system.
He ponders the problem of McClane, looks across at Tony, and
presses the talk button again.
(CONTINUED)
A98
26

78 CONTINUED: 78
HANS
Heinz? What floor did the alarm go off?
79 37TH FLOOR - SAME 79
McClane stands silhouetted against the window. In the distance
he can see another fire truck swing off Santa Monica onto
Avenue of the Stars.
Suddenly the red light on the first truck goes out, then on
the second. McClane watches in disbelief. The trucks slow
and turn down separate side streets, heading for home.
MCCLANE
(realizing)
No...
Just then the elevator bell rings and we HEAR the ELEVATOR
DOORS OPEN. A figure (Tony) slips into the shadows — his
machine gun drawn. We MOVE WITH HIM from the elevator area
until he reaches the light switch and throws it illuminating
the entire floor. McClane is gone.
TONY
(calling out)
Okay, you! I know you're here. I
don't want to hurt you.
80 ON MCCLANE 80
under a desk. He takes in his options.
81 HIS P.O.V. 81
the feet of Tony. They move slowly in his direction. McClane
looks down the aisle next to the windows. It leads to a series
of office cubicles at the other end of the floor and is a clear
path if he can make it past Tony.
82 TONY 82
He moves steadily toward the area where we saw McClane.
TONY
Your signal was cancelled. No one is
coming to help you. So come out and
join the others.
He fingers the trigger of his machine gun.
TONY
I promise I won't hurt you.
(CONTINUED)

A98
27

82 CONTINUED: 82
C* Moving more confidently, he steps up to McClane's desk, then
around it and fires a blast into the space. It is empty. As
the SOUND OF THE MACHINE GUN FADES he listens and hears another
SOUND — a low HUMMING NOISE coming from the other end of the
room near the cubicles.
Tony heads toward the noise. Sensing a trap, he moves past
each cubicle carefully, checking each office until he reaches
the doorway of the last one. The sound is just around the
partition. He tenses, then spins into the cubicle.
83 TONY'S P.O.V. 83
an electric typewriter left on.
84 TONY 84
i

i grins at his nervousness. He turns it off as McClane steps
INTO FRAME behind him, his gun aimed at Tony.
MCCLANE
Save that energy.
Tony slowly turns around and sees McClane*s detective badge
pinned to his shirt.
MCCLANE
Put down your gun.
Tony doesn't. McClane cocks his Beretta. Tony watches him
calmly.
TONY
You won't do it.
MCCLANE
Why not?
TONY
Because you are a policeman.
MCCLANE
Try me.
Tony spins to the side and McClane fires, hitting him in the
arm, but the big man's momentum slams McClane into a filing
cabinet and sends his pistol into the hall. Tony reaches for
his machine gun, but McClane kicks him into the desk. He locks
his arms around the big man's neck in a hold that sends Tony
reeling into the hall. McClane holds on as they slam into the
glass door of a fire hose cabinet shattering the glass. They
careen across the hall into the stairwell door, opening it,
and crash into:



A98
28
85 STAIRWELL LANDING 85
then down the concrete steps into the wall on the landing below.
For a moment, both men lie still, then McClane moves and we SEE
the concrete becomes wet under the'big man as Tony's bladder
opens. McClane, still holding onto Tony's neck, releases it
and the man's head flops sickeningly to the side.
For a moment McClane just looks at the dead man, stunned, then
a HISSING SOUND coming from Tony's kit bag gets his attention.
He opens it and finds the terrorist's CB.
TIME CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane hides in a supply closet and overhears William on the phone. Hans and Theo enter a safe room. McClane finds the fire alarm has been cancelled. Tony searches for McClane on the 37th floor. McClane confronts Tony, and they fight, resulting in Tony's death.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and a shocking twist that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is well-executed, with intense action and suspense.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear progression of events leading to a high-stakes confrontation between McClane and the terrorist.

Originality: 9

The scene features a unique situation of a lone hero facing off against terrorists in a high-rise building. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

McClane is portrayed as a resourceful and determined hero, while the terrorist is a formidable antagonist. The characters drive the action and tension in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

McClane's character undergoes a change as he is forced to confront and eliminate a dangerous threat, showcasing his determination and resourcefulness.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect others in the building. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and his fear of failure.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to stop the terrorists and save the hostages. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between McClane and the terrorist is intense and drives the scene forward with high stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing off against armed terrorists and overcoming obstacles to achieve his goals.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as McClane faces a deadly terrorist threat, with the outcome having serious consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and raising the stakes for the protagonist.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's actions and the terrorists' responses.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is between McClane's belief in justice and the terrorists' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and shock in the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and impactful, adding to the dramatic atmosphere of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and building suspense throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre of action thriller, with a clear progression of events and escalating tension.


Critique
  • The scene transitions smoothly from McClane hiding in the supply closet to William in the limo, creating a sense of parallel action.
  • The tension builds as Tony searches for McClane on the 37th floor, creating a suspenseful atmosphere.
  • The use of visual cues, such as the sprinkler head and fire alarm indicator light, adds depth to the scene and enhances the storytelling.
  • The confrontation between McClane and Tony is well-executed, with a good balance of action and dialogue.
  • The scene effectively showcases McClane's resourcefulness and quick thinking in a dangerous situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or dialogue from McClane to provide insight into his thought process and emotions during the confrontation with Tony.
  • Explore the possibility of incorporating more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Ensure a clear resolution to the conflict between McClane and Tony, possibly by showing the aftermath of their confrontation and its impact on the overall situation.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for McClane after the intense encounter with Tony to deepen his character development.
  • Continue to build suspense and tension by maintaining a steady pace and escalating the stakes as the scene progresses.



Scene 9 -  McClane's Rooftop Infiltration and Distress Call
86 INT. 34TH FLOOR ELEVATOR CAR - NIGHT 86
Tony's body sits slumped in a secretary's chair — a note
attached to his chest. McClane sits on the floor in front of
him hurriedly lacing up the dead terrorist's boots on his own
; feet. He ties the last lace and tries to take a couple of
i steps. He nearly falls flat. Quickly he starts taking the
boots off.
MCCLANE
A zillion terrorists in the building
and I kill the one with feet smaller
than my sister.
He yanks off the boots and tosses them on Tony's lap, then
pushes buttons for the 33rd and 32nd floors. He slings Tony's
kit bag over his shoulder along with the dead man's machine gun.
A wooden desk ruler protrudes from McClane's back pocket.
The elevator doors close and the car starts down. After it's
dropped only half a floor, McClane forces the doors open with
his fingers — stopping the car between floors.
Using the ruler he blocks open the inside doors, then opens
the outside doors of the floor above (34th) with his fingers
and pulls himself up onto the carpeted floor, then up onto the
roof of the car. Once on the roof of the car he reaches over
the edge and removes the ruler, closing the inside doors and
setting the car in motion again.
87 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - NIGHT 87
The elevator bell rings and Fritz, guarding the area, sees
Tony's body in the chair. Hans comes to the elevator with
Franco, lifts Tony's chin and sees that his neck has been
snapped. He removes the note and reads it aloud.
HANS
'Now I have a machine gun.'
/tfnl£*\

FRITZ
Maybe a security guard we overlooked.
(CONTINUED)
A98
29

87 CONTINUED: 87
Hans lifts Tony's chin again, lets the head flop over.
HANS
Would you do this to someone if you
had a gun?
FRITZ
(slightly spooked)
We have to do something, Hans.
Hans sighs and looks at the dead man.
HANS
Yes...we have to tell Karl his brother
is dead. Tell him to come down.
As Fritz calls Karl on his CB, Hans looks at Franco.
HANS
Franco, take the body upstairs out of
sight. I want these people kept calm
for as long as possible. Come back down
the stairs and check each floor...I want
to see the person who did this.
88 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT - CAR ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 88
On top of the car, listening to the conversation below. Franco
and Fritz step into the car and the doors on the elevator close.
The car accelerates upward and McClane grabs onto the heavy,
grease-coated cables to keep his balance. Already his clothes
are soiled; his face and feet, arms and hair are dark from the
dirt and sweat.
The car speeds up the shaft — passing the car bringing Karl
down to the hostage floor — and stops at the 40th floor. The
doors open and McClane hears them roll the chair with the body
off the car. McClane looks up.
89 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 89
A metal catwalk runs around the inside of the elevator shaft.
90 MCCLANE 90
pulls himself up onto it. As he moves along the catwalk
looking for a way out, he passes an unmarked metal door, 2'x3'.
McClane pushes it open and looks in.
91 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 91
Total darkness.



A98
30
92 MCCLANE 92
z**^ takes out a rifle cartridge from Tony's kit bag and lobs it
1
into the void. It is a full four seconds until we hear its
nonexplosive chatter on the ground below. You don't have to
be a mathematics whiz to know it's a long drop.
MCCLANE
Jesus...
He moves cautiously around a corner and we SEE a metal ladder
leading up to a door marked PUMP ROOM. Opening the door
McClane enters a darkened:
93 PUMP ROOM 93
damp and full of pipes and goes to another door. He cracks the
door and looks out.
94 MCCLANE*S P.O.V. 94
The lower level of the roof. Open and deserted. Only a
heliport above him is higher.
95 32ND FLOOR (HOSTAGE FLOOR) - HOLLY'S OFFICE - SAME 95
CLOSE ON A PAIR OF LARGE HANDS as they squeeze into fists so
^ tight it drains all color from the fingers. Controlled rage.
( We PULL BACK TO REVEAL the hands belong to Karl, who stands
in Hans' office.
KARL
Now.
HANS
(firmly)
No. Theo has not finished. He must
be done before the police arrive.
96 EXT. ROOF - NIGHT 96
McClane climbs to the heliport and leans against the leeward side
of a wall surrounding it. Shielded from wind, he pulls out the
CB, turns to channel nine, and starts broadcasting.
MCCLANE
Mayday, Mayday, tell police terrorists
have seized the Nakatomi building —
97 INT. OFFICE - KCBS-TV - SAME 97
DICK THORNBURG, local TV news reporter, talking on the phone to
his girlfriend also hears the distress call. He stops listening
/i»«»\ to her for a moment and turns up his scanner.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
— I repeat...unknown number of foreign
nationals armed with automatic weapons
A98 (CONTINUED)
31

97 CONTINUED: 97
MCCLANE'S VOICE (Cont.)
are holding at least thirty people
hostage at Nakatomi, Century City...
Somebody answer me, goddamnit!
98 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 98
Hans'and Karl also hear the clear signal over Hans' CB.
HANS
The roof.
99 INT. LOS ANGELES EMERGENCY DISPATCH CENTER - SAME 99
A SUPERVISOR weaves her way back from the break room toward a
DISPATCHER who is monitoring the call.
DISPATCHER
It's the same address we got a
crank fire call at earlier tonight...
SUPERVISOR
I'll handle it.
She plugs in her headset.
SUPERVISOR
(to McClane)
Attention. This is an authorized
police frequency —
MCCLANE'S VOICE
Listen to me, this is an emergency.
I need police backup, now. Tell
police, terrorists have killed one
hostage already —
100 INT. KCBS - ON THORNBURG - SAME 100
listening more closely. On a hunch he reaches over and starts
recording the conversation.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
— and have the building heavily
fortified.
101 INT. SERVICE ELEVATOR - ON KARL - SAME 101
with Franco and Fritz.
KARL
No one kills him but me.
It's an order and the look he gives the other two backs it up. He
fits a fresh magazine into his rifle as the elevator opens to the
roof.
A98
32

102 EXT. UPPER ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 102
He is almost breathless as he finishes his call.
MCCLANE
...and they have cut all the phone
and emergency communication lines.
That's all the information I have,
now. Over.
He releases the talk button. There is a pause and then his
radio crackles to life again with the Supervisor's voice.
SUPERVISOR'S VOICE
(o.s.)
I repeat. This is an authorized
police frequency. Any unauthorized
use will be investigated by police —
MCCLANE
(to the radio)
Then send them, goddamnit! What the
hell 'you people want — a fucking
engraved invitation!?
Suddenly machine gun shells rip into the concrete wall in front
of him. The noise is deafening as we:
CUT TO:
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane disguises himself and infiltrates the terrorists' hideout, discovering a secret door and rooftop access. Hans remains composed, while Karl seeks revenge for his brother's death. McClane broadcasts a distress call to the police, alerting them to the hostage situation, as Karl and his team close in on the roof.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Well-developed plot
  • High stakes and tension
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Minor inconsistencies in character actions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with suspense, action, and a sense of impending danger. It effectively builds tension and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a lone hero facing a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed brilliantly, creating a thrilling and intense scenario.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with clear objectives, obstacles, and escalating stakes. It keeps the audience invested and eager to see how McClane will overcome the challenges.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with distinct motivations and actions that drive the plot forward. McClane's resourcefulness and determination stand out.

Character Changes: 7

McClane undergoes a transformation from a vulnerable position to a proactive hero, showcasing his resilience and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal in this scene is to survive and outsmart the terrorists. This reflects his deeper need for justice and protection of innocent lives.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to alert the authorities and get help to stop the terrorists from harming more hostages.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between McClane and the terrorists, as well as the race against time to save the hostages, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the terrorists posing a significant threat to McClane and creating obstacles for him to overcome.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high, with lives on the line, a race against time, and the threat of a terrorist attack escalating the tension to a peak.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the danger, revealing crucial information, and setting up the next stage of the conflict.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters and the constantly shifting power dynamics between McClane and the terrorists.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between McClane's sense of duty and the terrorists' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's beliefs in justice and the value of human life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and empathy for the characters, especially McClane as he faces dangerous situations to protect others.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and serves the purpose of advancing the plot and revealing character traits. It effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspense that keeps the story moving forward at a brisk pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings, descriptions, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution that drive the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene transitions smoothly from McClane lacing up the dead terrorist's boots to him taking action to move between floors in a creative and suspenseful way.
  • The tension is effectively built as McClane eavesdrops on the conversation between Hans and Franco on the 32nd floor, adding to the sense of danger and urgency.
  • The use of different locations within the building, such as the elevator shaft and the pump room, adds depth to the scene and keeps the audience engaged.
  • The visual descriptions of McClane's actions, like climbing onto the metal catwalk and using the rifle cartridge to gauge the drop, create a vivid picture for the audience.
  • The introduction of the CB radio and McClane's distress call adds a sense of urgency and raises the stakes for the characters involved.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or dialogue from McClane to provide insight into his thoughts and emotions during these intense moments.
  • Explore the psychological impact of the situation on McClane, such as his feelings of guilt for killing the terrorist with smaller feet than his sister.
  • Enhance the interaction between McClane and the terrorists on the 32nd floor to further develop the conflict and build suspense.
  • Continue to use the setting of the Nakatomi building to create unique and engaging action sequences that showcase McClane's resourcefulness and determination.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details to immerse the audience in the high-stakes environment of the scene.



Scene 10 -  Intense Pursuit and Narrow Escape
103 INT. DISPATCHER OFFICE - SAME 103
Both Supervisor and Dispatcher reach for their headsets in pain
from the INTENSE SOUND and:
104 INT. KCBS (THORNBURG'S OFFICE) - SAME 104
Thornburg immediately hangs up on his girlfriend and yells over
his shoulder to his assistant in the next room.
THORNBURG
Mary! Call Sam. Tell him I need
a crew, now!
105 EXT. ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 105
Running. Tracer bullets rip into the wall behind him. He
reaches the corner and sees the two other terrorists moving
toward him. Before they see him, he leaps down to the next
level out of range of Karl.
106 INT. EMERGENCY DISPATCH - SAME 106
The Supervisor and Dispatcher listen in stunned silence^ The
shots sounded real enough...
SUPERVISOR
(to Dispatcher)
Have a Black and White do a drive-by.
A98
33
107 INT. 7-11 - ON POWELL 107
f* He puts two packs of pink Hostess "Twinkies" and his police
radio down on the counter in front of a young male CLERK, who
stifles a smile. Another teenage employee behind the counter
also smothers a laugh.
CLERK
Is that...all, Sir?
He tries not to look at Powell for fear of breaking up
altogether.
POWELL
They're for my wife. She's pregnant.
The clerk nods and puts them in a bag. Suddenly Powell's
Police Radio crackles to life.
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
6421 to One Adam Ten, over.
Powell picks up the radio.
POWELL
One Adam Ten, go ahead.
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
yA|IT?i'*\ Investigate a code two at 15433
Avenue of the Stars.
Powell grabs the bag and immediatley heads for the door as the
two employees break into laughter.
CLERK
Wonder what a 'Code Two' is...cupcake
alert?
108 EXT. ROOF - ON MCCLANE - NIGHT 108
running for his life, from Fritz and Franco, doesn't realize he
is being herded around the building toward Karl. Suddenly
McClane turns a corner and sees Karl. The big man fires a
burst and McClane ducks back stopping at the exterior door to
the pump room he used before. It is locked from the inside.
He blows the lock off with a burst from his machine gun and
slips into the darkness of the:
109 PUMP ROOM - SAME 109
Moving quickly through the pump room, McClane picks his way
over the same ground as a few minutes before and opens the
door to the elevator shaft. The dimly lit shaft yawns before
/?W?>\ him. He starts down the ladder back to the catwalk.




A98
34

110 EXT. THE ROOF - SAME 110
\ Franco and Fritz reach the pump room door and wait for Karl,
who leads the way into the darkness of the pump room.
111 ELEVATOR SHAFT - ON MCCLANE - SAME 111
on the far stretch of catwalk. He turns the corner, out of
view of the pump room door, moves down the back side of the
catwalk past the small air shaft door, and stops — he's
reached a dead end — the catwalk ends, the elevator is gone.
112 INT. PUMP ROOM - ON KARL - SAME 112
His flashlight beam dances around the interior of the room.
He starts to open the door to the elevator shaft when
suddenly their radio crackles with Hans' voice.
HANS' VOICE
Karl? Franco? Where is he?
FRANCO
In the elevator shaft.
*
HANS' VOICE
The elevators are down here. Lock
him in.
Karl doesn't answer.
HANS' VOICE
(more firmly)
Lock him in. That's an o r —
Karl turns off his radio. In the light of their flashlights,
the two other terrorists look at Karl in stunned disbelief.
He opens the door to the elevator shaft.
113 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT - ON MCCLANE - SAME 113
He backtracks to the air shaft door, strikes the lighter from
Tony's kit bag and looks in.
114 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 114
The air shaft. The lighter dimly illuminates four walls
of smooth aluminum disappearing into darkness. Moving the
light in further, he sees something else — the dark outline
of a horizontal air conditioning duct — nine feet down the
side and leading into the guts of the building.
35

115 MCCLANE 115
f* extinguishes his light, looks at the strap on his kit bag.
116 INT. ELEVATOR SHAFT (OPPOSITE SIDE) - SAME 116
Karl steps off the ladder to the catwalk and unslings his
machine gun.
117 CLOSE - BRASS CLIPS 117
from McClane's kit bag. One has been clipped to each end of
his machine gun making a long sling.
118 MCCLANE 118
braces the gun across the outside opening of the air shaft door
and lowers himself into the:
119 AIR SHAFT 119
holding onto the canvas sling with his elbows bent, like doing
a chin-up.
His feet slowly move down the smooth aluminum walls until they
reach the top of the air duct, then dangle in the open space.
He straightens his arms to give him length enough to touch the
/fiflJPv, bottom edge of the duct. Suddenly he feels something give way
above him and looks up.
120 CLOSE ON THE CLIPS 120
Slowly the brass clips start bending under McClane's weight.
121 ON KARL 121
He moves steadily toward the corner.
122 CLOSE - MCCLANE'S TOES 122
now only inches from the bottom edge. McClane's arms are fully
extended now. He hears Karl on the metal catwalk. His muscles
strain and quiver.
123 THE CLIPS 123
They are opening wider until one side bends all the way back —
and snaps.
124 ON MCCLANE 124
falling. He grabs the ledge of the air duct as he falls and
his body slams into the aluminum wall with.a echoing BOOM.
Above him on the catwalk the rifle rattles on the metal outside
the door.


A98 .
36
125 ON KARL 125
{***• Around the corner Karl freezes, unsure of the sound, then starts
slowly for the corner.
126 ON MCCLANE 126
holding onto the ledge by his hands. With every ounce of
strength he tries to pull himself up into the horizontal duct,
clawing for a hold.
127 ON KARL 127
He rounds the corner and sees McClane's rifle lying beneath the
doorway. He moves to the small door, shines his light and aims
his rifle down into the air shaft ready to fire.
128 HIS P.O.V. 128
The shaft is deserted. Moving his light around he sees the air
duck. Without hesitation he turns and backtracks to the pump
room door.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane flees from the terrorists, leading them to the pump room. He narrowly escapes into an air conditioning duct, while the terrorists search for him. Powell intercepts a police call regarding the incident and heads towards the scene.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Strategic use of environment for conflict resolution
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched action tropes
  • Limited emotional depth in character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and drives the plot forward with significant developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is well-executed with creative action sequences and strategic maneuvers.

Plot: 9

The plot is gripping, with escalating stakes, unexpected twists, and a clear goal for the protagonist to achieve.

Originality: 8

The scene features unique situations such as McClane's creative tactics to evade the terrorists and the intense physical challenges he faces. The dialogue feels authentic and adds to the tension of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with distinct motivations and actions that drive the conflict forward.

Character Changes: 7

The protagonist undergoes a transformation from a vulnerable position to a more strategic and determined stance as he navigates the dangerous situation.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to survive and outsmart the terrorists who are hunting him. This reflects his deeper need for self-preservation and protection of his loved ones.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to evade the terrorists and find a way to defeat them. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and constant, with the protagonist facing multiple obstacles and adversaries in a high-stakes situation.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the terrorists posing a significant threat to McClane and creating obstacles that he must overcome to survive.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high, with lives on the line, a ticking clock, and the potential for catastrophic consequences if the protagonist fails.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the plot, revealing key information, escalating the conflict, and setting up the next stage of the story.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in McClane's actions and the terrorists' pursuit, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between McClane's belief in justice and the terrorists' ruthless pursuit of their goals. This challenges McClane's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes fear, tension, and adrenaline, but the emotional depth is more focused on the action and suspense.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and serves the action well, conveying necessary information and building tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and suspenseful moments that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted to build suspense and maintain the momentum of the action, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and dialogue that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a fast-paced and action-packed structure that fits the genre of an action thriller. The transitions between locations are smooth and keep the momentum of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene transitions between different locations and characters quite abruptly, which can make it challenging for the audience to follow the action smoothly.
  • There is a lack of emotional depth or character development in this scene, which could make it feel flat and less engaging for the audience.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks depth or nuance, missing an opportunity to add layers to the characters and their interactions.
  • The action sequences are described in a straightforward manner, but could benefit from more vivid and dynamic language to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The scene could benefit from more tension-building moments and suspenseful elements to keep the audience on the edge of their seats.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more emotional depth to the characters, especially McClane, to make the audience more invested in their journey.
  • Work on smoother transitions between locations and characters to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue to reveal more about the characters' motivations, relationships, and inner conflicts.
  • Add more descriptive language and sensory details to the action sequences to create a more vivid and engaging visual experience for the audience.
  • Introduce more suspenseful elements, twists, or surprises to keep the audience engaged and eager to see what happens next.



Scene 11 -  Cat and Mouse in the Air Ducts
129 INT. AIR CONDITIONING DUCT - ON MCCLANE - SAME 129
He lies exhausted and motionless in the narrow crawl space.
He awkwardly fishes out the lighter from his shirt pocket and
^rx flicks it on.
130 HIS P.O.V. 130
Not for claustrophobics — a long, dark and narrow corridor.
There's no light at the end.
MCCLANE
(dryly)
Whew...for a moment there I
was worried.
He turns out his lighter and starts crawling.
131 INT. PUMP ROOM 131
Karl climbs the ladder to the pump room door where Franco and
Fritz wait.
KARL
Quickly...Follow me.
He moves through the pump room and goes outside.
132 INT. AIR DUCT - SAME 132
McClane crawls to a'junction. To his right he sees a vent twenty
feet away. The light looks' wonderful to him and he moves towards
it.

CUT TO:
A98
37
133 INT. LOWER ROOF - MACHINE FLOOR - SAME 133.
Karl opens the door from the roof Franco and Fritz behind him.
He points to a series of rooms near the elevator shaft and the
three men split up, each going to a separate room. Karl opens
the door to the:
134 MACHINE ROOM 134
and looks up. The ceiling is crisscrossed with air ducts.
He fires a burst into the ducts.
135 INT. AIR DUCT - SAME 135
McClane remains motionless in the air duct. Three quarter-sized
holes inches from his face show how close Karl came to nailing
him. Sweat covers his face, drips silently onto the aluminum.
136 MACHINE ROOM 136
!*
/ Karl listens patiently for sound. Just then the two other
terrorists return.
FRANCO
Nothing.
Karl hesitates a moment, fighting his instincts before finally
/$£\ turning to go. Suddenly the duct McClane is in groans slightly
under his weight. Karl stops and looks up at the matrix of
aluminum duct work, trying to single out the source of the sound,
He steps back into the room and raises his rifle. Holding it
upright he presses the barrel up into the belly of McClane's air
duct, feeling for weight — the weight of a body.
137 INSIDE THE AIR DUCT 137
McClane sees the indention of the barrel pressing into the
aluminum fifteen feet away. There is a pause and another
indention three feet closer. He can hear Karl's footsteps on
the concrete — moving slowly below the duct.
138 ON KARL 138
His eyes are fixed above him on the air duct. He presses the
barrel up again. Still nothing.
139 ON MCCLANE 139
Silently he moves his hand to his breast and slowly draws his
Beretta. The next indention presses up six feet away. McClane
points his gun downward and waits.
/&*• 140 KARL 14 0
stops directly below him. The barrel starts up and just touches
the duct under McClane when Franco returns to the door and calls.
(CONTINUED)
A98
38

140 CONTINUED: 140
/fffift\
FRANCO
Karl! Police! Come now.
Karl hesitates then lowers his gun and leaves.
141 CLOSE - MCCLANE 141
He hears the door close and lowers his head.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane escapes through air ducts, pursued by Karl and his men. Karl senses McClane's presence, but McClane is ready.
Strengths
  • Intense suspense
  • Tense atmosphere
  • High stakes
  • Engaging cat-and-mouse game
Weaknesses
  • Minimal dialogue
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with suspense, tension, and action. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with the intense cat-and-mouse game and the high-stakes situation.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of McClane being hunted by the terrorists in a confined space like an air duct is innovative and creates a unique and thrilling scenario. The use of suspense and tension adds depth to the concept.

Plot: 8

The plot is driven by the intense conflict between McClane and the terrorists, as well as the high stakes involved. The scene moves the story forward by showcasing McClane's resourcefulness and determination.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the cat-and-mouse game between McClane and the terrorists, showcasing unique strategies and obstacles that keep the audience engaged. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially McClane and the terrorists, are well-developed in this scene. McClane's determination and quick thinking are highlighted, while the terrorists' ruthlessness and cunning add to the tension.

Character Changes: 6

McClane undergoes a subtle change in this scene, as he is forced to adapt to the dangerous situation and use his resourcefulness to outsmart the terrorists. His determination and quick thinking are highlighted.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal in this scene is to survive and outsmart the terrorists hunting him. This reflects his deeper need for self-preservation and his fear of failing to protect himself and others.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to evade capture and defeat the terrorists. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and constant, with McClane trying to evade the terrorists while they hunt him down. The high stakes and the life-threatening situation heighten the conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with McClane facing difficult challenges and obstacles that add complexity to the narrative and keep the audience on their toes.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes in the scene are extremely high, as McClane's life is in danger and he must outwit the terrorists to survive. The intense cat-and-mouse game and the life-threatening situation raise the stakes to a maximum level.

Story Forward: 8

The scene significantly moves the story forward by showcasing McClane's confrontation with the terrorists and his efforts to survive. It sets the stage for the escalating conflict and the resolution of the plot.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in McClane's attempts to evade capture, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between McClane's belief in justice and the terrorists' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's values and worldview, highlighting the moral complexity of the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and anxiety in the audience, as they are invested in McClane's struggle to survive. The emotional impact is heightened by the high stakes and the intense atmosphere.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue in the scene is minimal but effective in conveying the tense atmosphere and the characters' motivations. It serves the purpose of moving the action forward and building suspense.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, suspenseful atmosphere, and strategic character interactions that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene transitions and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and suspense through its pacing and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from McClane crawling through the air duct to Karl entering the pump room, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • There is a lack of clear connection between McClane's actions in the air duct and Karl's movements in the pump room, making the scene feel disjointed.
  • The tension and suspense of McClane narrowly avoiding being discovered by Karl could be heightened with more strategic use of camera angles and sound effects.
  • The dialogue is minimal and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to showcase the characters' motivations and emotions in this intense moment.
  • The visual descriptions could be more vivid and detailed to create a stronger sense of the environment and the characters' actions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between McClane's actions in the air duct and Karl's movements in the pump room to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Enhance the connection between McClane and Karl by showing their parallel actions and reactions more clearly.
  • Intensify the suspense by incorporating more dynamic camera angles, lighting effects, and sound cues during the tense moments of near discovery.
  • Develop the dialogue to reveal the characters' thoughts, feelings, and intentions, adding depth to their interactions and increasing the audience's engagement.
  • Enrich the visual descriptions to paint a more vivid picture of the setting and characters' movements, enhancing the overall atmosphere and tension of the scene.



Scene 12 -  Race Against Time at the News Desk
142 INT. KCBS - CONTROL BOOTH - NIGHT 142
Dick Thornburg and his news editor, SAM, in the control booth
where we're in the countdown to the 11 o'clock news.
THORNBURG
What do you mean you can't cut
1
me a crew?
/ SAM
I mean people want to go home for
christsake...it's Christmas Eve.
THORNBURG
Sam, I heard shots five minutes ago.
We've got to move on it.
SAM
I've got Simon swinging by from the
Santa Sing on Melrose. If it's
anything we'll cut to him...
From behind the news desk pretty-boy anchorman, HARVEY JOHNSON,
looks up at the booth, calls to Sam over his mike.
HARVEY
(panicked)
Sam, I don't have the Gladden report!
SAM
(over the booth mike,
to Harvey)
Keep your pants on Harvey.
(to the A.D.)
What've we got?
ASST. DIRECTOR
Fifteen seconds.
Sam finds the news report in his stack of papers and starts out
of the booth with Thornburg on his heels. We FOLLOW.
(CONTINUED)




A98
39

142 CONTINUED: 142
THORNBURG
(angrily)
I'm not sitting on this for Simon,
I'm going out there! And if you
don't cut me a goddamn truck, I'm
going to the parking lot and steal
one!
Both news anchors, Sam and all the floor personnel look up.
They're in their final seconds. The FLOOR MANAGER worriedly
counts off, "9...8.. .7. .. " Harvey looks angrily at Thornburg.
HARVEY
Give us a break how 'bout it,
Thornburg.
FLOOR MANAGER
...Four, Three —
THORNBURG
Eat a big one, Harve.
FLOOR MANAGER
...One.
He points at Harvey who automatically smiles as the red light
goes on, but it's obvious Thornburg has wrecked his concentration
HARVEY
(beat)
Uhh...Good evening, this is...
Harvey...Johnson.
WOMAN
And I'm Gail Wallens, and this
is Nightline News at Eleven.
The program rolls its intro tape and Harvey shoots Thornburg a
look that could kill. Thornburg smiles at his handiwork.
SAM
(sharply, to Thornburg)
Take Roberts and number four and
get the hell out of here.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary In the final countdown to the 11 o'clock news, Dick Thornburg demands a crew for a breaking story, clashing with Sam's efforts to keep the broadcast on track. Amidst the chaos and Thornburg's threats, Sam assigns a crew, resolving the conflict and sending Thornburg to the scene.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Conflict dynamics
  • Plot advancement
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Lack of character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively sets the tone for the escalating action and suspense in the story, with strong character dynamics and a sense of urgency.


Story Content

Concept: 7

The concept of a news team reporting on a developing crisis adds depth to the narrative and highlights the external impact of the events unfolding in the building.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly as the news team prepares to report on the unfolding hostage situation, setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the newsroom setting by highlighting the ethical dilemmas and conflicts faced by journalists in the pursuit of breaking news. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to life, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, particularly Thornburg and the news team, are well-defined and contribute to the tension and conflict in the scene.

Character Changes: 5

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the dynamics between Thornburg and the news team hint at potential growth and development.

Internal Goal: 8

Thornburg's internal goal is to prioritize breaking news and reporting the truth, even if it means going against his colleagues' wishes or risking his own safety. This reflects his dedication to journalism and his need to be at the forefront of important events.

External Goal: 7

Thornburg's external goal is to secure a crew and a truck to cover the breaking news story. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in getting the necessary resources to report on the situation effectively.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Thornburg and the news team, as well as the looming threat in the Nakatomi building, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations between the characters creating obstacles for the protagonist to overcome. The audience is left uncertain of how the situation will resolve.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes are evident as the news team prepares to report on a dangerous situation, highlighting the potential consequences of their actions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by setting up the news team's involvement in the unfolding events and increasing the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and decisions made by the characters, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Thornburg's commitment to reporting the truth and the pressure from his colleagues to prioritize personal plans and holiday celebrations. This challenges Thornburg's values and beliefs about the importance of journalism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 6

The scene evokes a sense of anxiety and urgency, but the emotional impact is somewhat overshadowed by the focus on action and suspense.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue effectively conveys the urgency and tension of the situation, with sharp exchanges between Thornburg and the news team.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and conflict between characters. The audience is drawn into the urgency of the newsroom setting and invested in the outcome of the protagonist's goals.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and momentum, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome of the protagonist's goals. The rapid-fire dialogue and action drive the scene forward at a brisk pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue that effectively convey the action and emotion of the characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a high-pressure newsroom setting, with a clear focus on the protagonist's goals and the obstacles he faces in achieving them.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear connection to the previous scenes in terms of plot progression or character development.
  • The dialogue between Thornburg and Sam feels forced and lacks depth, making it difficult for the audience to engage with the characters.
  • There is a lack of tension or conflict in the scene, which is crucial for maintaining audience interest in a screenplay.
  • The scene does not contribute to the overall narrative arc of the screenplay, making it feel disconnected and unnecessary.
  • The pacing of the scene is slow and does not add any significant value to the story.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the scene to tie it more closely to the main plot or character arcs to ensure it contributes meaningfully to the overall story.
  • Add more conflict or tension to the dialogue between Thornburg and Sam to make the scene more engaging for the audience.
  • Explore ways to increase the stakes or urgency in the scene to keep the audience invested in the story.
  • Consider cutting or condensing this scene to streamline the screenplay and maintain a strong narrative flow.
  • Look for opportunities to integrate elements from previous scenes or set up future developments to create a more cohesive storyline.



Scene 13 -  Confrontation in the Nakatomi Building
143 EXT. CENTURY CITY - AVENUE OF THE STARS - NIGHT 143
The street is empty, quiet. A lone police black-and-white pulls
out of the shadows of a side street and begins a slow cruise
toward the Nakatomi building.




A98
40
144 ON POWELL 144
f* Driving, alone. He stares up at the dark tower. It seems calm.
Lights on the 32nd and 40th floors. Powell slows to a stop and
scans the premises. In the lobby we SEE Heinz, sitting behind
the desk. Powell reports to his radio.
POWELL
Guard inside. No signs of
disturbance'... I' m going up for
a closer look.
He pulls in and parks in the front.
145 INT. MACHINE ROOM - SAME 145
McClane punches out a ceiling vent and drops down into the
machine room. For a moment he stands, listening for sounds
of movement. The floor is quiet. He goes to the stairwell.
146 EXT. ROOF - SAME 146
The edge of the roof. Suddenly a tall terrorist, HEINRICH,
moves along the wall and looks over at Powell's car.
147 INT. 3RD FLOOR - SAME 147
The elevator doors open and Karl, Franco and Fritz step out
onto the darkened floor. We SEE large number "3" painted on
the doors of this floor. They move quickly toward the windows
on the Avenue of the Stars side where a terrorist, ALEXANDER,
with a BAR rifle has set up a machine gun nest. Directly below
him we SEE Powell's car.
148 32ND FLOOR (HANS'OFFICE) - SAME 148
Hans watches from above. He raises his CB.
HANS
(his usual calm)
Heinz ?
149 INT. LOBBY - SAME 149
Heinz picks up his CB. He watches Powell coming up the stairs
toward the door.

HEINZ
(to CB)
Yes?
HANS' VOICE
Let him in.




A98
41

150 EXT. FRONT DOOR OF NAKATOMI - SAME 150
Powell tries the front doors. Locked. Heinz comes hustling
across and unlocks the door.
HEINZ
Something wrong officer?
Powell steps in and looks around.
POWELL
We got an emergency call that
there was a problem here.
151 INT. 40TH FLOOR - BOARD ROOM - SAME 151
McClane makes his way to the Avenue of the Stars side of the
building, enters the board room where Rivers was shot. McClane
goes to the windows and looks down at the street.
i
. / 152 HIS P.O.V. 152
Powell's car.
MCCLANE
It's about time.
1
^N He lifts one of the big chairs and swings it at the window.
, ( The tempered glass whitens on the first blow.
153 EXT. ROOF - SAME 153
HEINRICH, the terrorist on the roof hears a SOUND and looks
down and sees the board room window crack from McClane's blow.
He lifts his CB.
154 INT. LOBBY 154
Heinz watches confidently as Powell moves through the lobby
looking for signs of trouble. Suddenly, Heinz notices a pool
of blood from the shooting of the desk guard next to sign-in
table. He looks up just as Powell starts toward him.
155 BOARD ROOM - 40TH FLOOR 155
McClane draws the chair back for the final hit when a terrorist
(MARCO) appears at the door. Both men react, but Marco already
has his gun up. He fires a round at McClane. The bullets rip
into the table top and the chair, and McClane goes down behind
the table.
156 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAFE ROOM 156
Theo, now in goggles, uses a huge machine to bore quarter-size
holes into the safe. He turns it off hears the gunshots on the
floor above. He moves into the outside room to listen better,
then looks back at.his kit bags of equipment as if making a
decision.
A98
42
157 INT. 40TH FLOOR - BOARD ROOM 157
Marco smiles and moves around to the other side of the table,
but finds no body. He looks around frantically then squats
beneath the table and sees:
158 MCCLANE 158
lying prone, his pistol trained on him.
MCCLANE
Drop it.
159 BOARD ROOM DOORWAY 159
Just then Heinrich, the terrorist on the roof, steps into,
the doorway. He sees McClane and starts to fire, but McClane
fires twice and kills him. Marco springs on top of the huge
table. McClane rolls on his back so he can cover either angle
! but it is clear that Marco is in the more enviable position.
/
160 ON MARCO 160
on the tabletop slams in a fresh magazine and smiles.
MARCO
You should have killed me when
/«"*, you had the chance...
He leans his machine gun over the edge.
161 MCCLANE 161
aims directly above him and fires twice into the underside of
the table. The bullets rip through the table and Marco.
162 SAFE ROOM - ON THEO 162
On the SOUND OF THE GUNSHOTS, he stops, listens.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Powell drives to the Nakatomi building and reports to his radio about the guard inside. McClane enters the machine room and then the board room on the 40th floor. Terrorists Karl, Franco, and Fritz move to set up a machine gun nest on the 3rd floor. Hans communicates with Heinz in the lobby. McClane confronts a terrorist in the board room and a shootout ensues, leading to McClane successfully taking down the terrorist.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • High stakes
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Dramatic confrontations
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Occasional predictability in character actions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and suspense. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its fast-paced and dramatic events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is well-executed, creating a thrilling and intense scenario.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear progression of events that build tension and suspense. The stakes are high, and the action is gripping.

Originality: 9

The scene features unique action sequences and character interactions, with authentic dialogue and realistic reactions that add to its originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined and play crucial roles in driving the action forward. McClane's determination and resourcefulness stand out, as well as the ruthless nature of the terrorists.

Character Changes: 7

McClane undergoes a transformation from a weary and outnumbered cop to a determined and resourceful hero, showcasing his growth and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect the people inside the building, reflecting his deeper need for redemption and connection with his estranged wife.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to defeat the terrorists and save the hostages, reflecting the immediate challenge he faces in the building.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and constant, driving the action forward and keeping the audience engaged. The clash between McClane and the terrorists creates a high level of tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with McClane facing multiple threats and obstacles that challenge his ability to achieve his goals.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high, with the lives of the hostages and McClane's own survival hanging in the balance. The outcome of the confrontation will have far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward significantly, setting up the climax and resolution of the film while maintaining a high level of tension and excitement.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the action, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is between McClane's belief in justice and the terrorists' disregard for human life, challenging his values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and suspense to relief and satisfaction as McClane outwits the terrorists and saves the hostages.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, adding to the tension and drama of the scene. It effectively conveys the characters' motivations and emotions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high tension, fast-paced action, and suspenseful moments that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, with well-timed action beats and character moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced action sequences.


Critique
  • The scene starts with Powell arriving at the Nakatomi building, setting the stage for his investigation.
  • McClane's actions in the machine room show his resourcefulness and determination to navigate the building.
  • The tension builds as Heinrich spots Powell's car from the roof, adding a sense of imminent danger.
  • The board room scene with McClane smashing the window and Marco's appearance creates a suspenseful moment.
  • The confrontation between McClane and Marco is intense and well-paced, leading to a dramatic shootout.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or dialogue for McClane to showcase his thoughts and emotions during the intense moments.
  • Provide more context or background information on the terrorists to enhance the stakes of the confrontation.
  • Explore the dynamics between Powell and the terrorists further to add depth to the conflict.
  • Add more visual descriptions to immerse the audience in the action and suspense of the scene.
  • Consider incorporating a cliffhanger or unexpected twist to leave the audience eagerly anticipating the next development.



Scene 14 -  Bloody Footprints and a Deadly Trap
163 INT. LOBBY - SAME 163
Powell comes back to Heinz — moving steadily toward the table
and the pool of blood. He pauses next to the table, his shoe
just touching the blood, but he doesn't see it.
HEINZ
What exactly are you looking for?
POWELL
Well, we got a report of a
terrorist takeover.
HEINZ
(grins slowly,
looks around)
Ain't no Arabs in here.

A9g (CONTINUED)
43

163 CONTINUED: 163
/*v . POWELL
No, I guess not...Well, I got a
pregnant wife at home wondering
what the hell's keeping her Twinkies...
(a slip, sees Heinz's
puzzled look)
Forget it. Merry Christmas.
HEINZ
Merry Christmas.
Powell starts toward the door. Heinz watches him and sees the
cop's first three steps leave bloody footprints, but Powell
doesn't see.
164 INT. 40TH FLOOR BOARD ROOM - SAME 164
McClane rolls out from under the table, goes to the windows,
and looks down in time to see Powell close his car door.
MCCLANE
Oh, man, don't even think about it.
He looks over his shoulder at the body of Marco.
/*N 165 INT. POWELL'S POLICE CAR - SAME 165
Powell checks-in on his radio.
POWELL
One Adam-nine to 6421. Code
four on that 436. Requesting
code eight. Over.
He releases the talk button and loosens his tie as he waits for
confirmation.
POWELL
(singing softly)
Ohhhh, you better watch out, you
better not cry —
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
Roger, One Adam-nine. Clear to
code eight.
Powell hangs up the radio and puts the car into reverse.
POWELL
(to himself)
f« Thank you. Sir...
(CONTINUED)


A98
44
165 CONTINUED: 165
f* POWELL (Cont.)
(singing again louder)
...you better not pout I'm telling
you why...Santa Claus is coming to —
Suddenly Marco's body crashes onto the hood of his car.
POWELL
(terrified)
Shit!
(grabbing for his
radio)
6421, this is One Adam-nine —
Suddenly a barrage of machine gun fire from the 3rd floor drowns
out his call. Powell ducks and flattens against the seat as
bullets blow out the front window, covering him in glass. His
radio comes back, calmly.
DISPATCHER'S VOICE/RADIO
Roger, One Adam-nine, please repeat.
But Powell accelerates in reverse away from the building,
keeping his head low and praying he doesn't hit anything as
the bullets follow him digging into asphalt. A half block away
his car runs up onto the sidewalk and crashes into a store front.
Powell sits up and clutches the mike.
POWELL
One Adam-nine, under automatic rifle
fire at Nakatomi! Requesting
immediate backup and SWAT assistance...
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary In the aftermath of a shootout, Powell interrogates Heinz but finds no evidence of a terrorist takeover. As he leaves, Heinz notices Powell's bloody footprints. Powell gets into his car under McClane's watchful eye from a window above. Marco's body falls onto Powell's hood, triggering a barrage of machine-gun fire that forces Powell to take cover and call for backup.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • High stakes
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Stereotypical characterizations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, suspense, and action, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone cop facing a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is a classic action thriller setup, executed with skill and intensity.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear progression of events leading to escalating conflict and high stakes.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the action genre by incorporating humor and holiday themes into a tense situation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with Sergeant Powell showing courage and determination in the face of danger, and the terrorists portrayed as ruthless and menacing.

Character Changes: 7

Sergeant Powell undergoes a transformation from a regular cop to a hero facing extraordinary circumstances, showing bravery and resourcefulness.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his pregnant wife and get home safely. This reflects his deeper need for security and family.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to survive the terrorist attack and call for backup. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and constant, with Sergeant Powell facing multiple threats and obstacles in his attempt to survive and protect others.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing life-threatening danger and obstacles that keep the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high, with lives on the line and the threat of a terrorist attack escalating the tension to a breaking point.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward significantly, setting up the main conflict and establishing the high stakes for the rest of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden violence and unexpected twists in the protagonist's situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's duty as a police officer to protect and serve, and the danger he faces in the line of duty. This challenges his beliefs about law enforcement and personal safety.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and adrenaline, creating a strong emotional response in the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the urgency and tension of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of humor, suspense, and action. The audience is invested in the protagonist's survival.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building suspense and maintaining a sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear action descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The transition from Powell investigating the lobby to McClane in the board room is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the story.
  • The dialogue between Powell and Heinz in the lobby feels a bit forced and could be more natural to enhance the realism of the scene.
  • The interaction between Powell and Heinz lacks depth and could benefit from more tension or conflict to make the scene more engaging.
  • The moment where Powell doesn't notice the bloody footprints adds a layer of suspense, but it could be emphasized more to create a stronger impact.
  • The shift from Powell's car to the machine gun fire on the 3rd floor is sudden and could be better connected to maintain the coherence of the action.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more tension or conflict in the dialogue between Powell and Heinz to make the scene more dynamic.
  • Work on smoother transitions between different locations and characters to improve the overall flow of the scene.
  • Enhance the suspense by emphasizing the moment when Powell doesn't notice the bloody footprints, creating a more impactful reveal.
  • Develop the action sequence with the machine gun fire on the 3rd floor to build up the intensity and keep the audience engaged.
  • Ensure that each character's actions and reactions are consistent with their motivations and the overall tone of the scene.



Scene 15 -  Reinforcements Arrive
166 INT. 40TH FLOOR - BOARD ROOM 166
McClane looks down at Powell and grins.
MCCLANE
Welcome to the party, boys.
We've been missing you.
167 EXT. KCBS NEWS TRUCK - CENTURY CITY - NIGHT 167
Sirens wail as police cars arrive and barricades go up. The
KCBS news truck pulls up to a prime location.
168 INT. HOSTAGE WING - ON ELLIS - SAME 168
He leans back and closes his eyes, luxuriating in the
sound of WAILING POLICE SIRENS.
ELLIS
I never thought I'd love to
hear that sound.


A98
45

169 HANS' OFFICE 169
f* Stands by the window looking out at the arriving police cars
when suddenly his CB crackles to life.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Hey, Hans? Hope you got a good
view of this?
HANS
(to CB)
Congratulations, Mr. Barefoot
man on bringing reinforcements
even if they can't help you.
170 INT. 40TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE - SAME 170
Moving down the corridor. Now armed with Marco's machine gun
< and carrying his kit bag, he seems more lethal.
MCCLANE
(to Hans, CB)
We'll see about that, buddy.
He turns off his radio and turns a corner when a door in front
of him suddenly swings open and Theo stands unarmed in the
doorway. McClane seems only a hairbreadth from firing but the
sight of the clean-cut man, not unlike a junior executive,
causes him to suddenly lower his gun.
MCCLANE
Jesus...You nearly gave me a
fucking heart attack.
Theo, realizing McClane doesn't suspect him of being one of the
group, suddenly grins.
THEO
(seeing McClane's
badge)
Thank God, you're here...
MCCLANE
Hey, I ain't the cavalry, fella.
C'mon we've got to keep moving.
He pushes Theo ahead of him and they move down the hall.
171 INT. 32ND FLOOR - SAME 171
Karl steps off the elevator and goes through the crowd of hostages
to report to Hans.
(CONTINUED)


A98
46
171 CONTINUED: 171
KARL *
He killed Marco and threw his
body out the window. Heinrich and
Theo don't answer their calls.
Suddenly they hear Powell's voice over the CB.
POWELL'S VOICE
This is Sergeant Al Powell of the
Los Angeles Police Department.
If the person who radioed for
help can hear me, acknowledge this
transmission...1 repeat...
172 INT. 40TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE - NIGHT 172
and Theo moving down the corridor, they hear the transmission
) also. McClane stops Theo and grabs his CB.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
That's okay, you got him. You
the guy in the car?
INTERCUT:
' 173 EXT. POLICE OPERATIONS TRAILER 173
Powell stands in front of his destroyed cruiser and looks up
at the building. Behind him technicians, City Power and Light
personnel, SWAT officers in protective gear, move in all
directions. A trailer is being backed into a side street,
which will become the police center of operations. It is like
watching a small town being constructed right before your eyes,
POWELL
(to CB)
What's left of him. I left my
stomach over there. Can you
identify yourself?
MCCLANE
Not now. Let me tell you what I
can quickly, because I might have
to get out of here fast. These
guys mean business. Besides the
peashooters they went after you
with they've also got anti-tank
weapons and surface to air missies.
/?P\ POWELL
How many are there?
(CONTINUED)

A98
47

173 CONTINUED: 173
f* MCCLANE
Don't know but I've killed three,
including the one who fell out
of Santa's sleigh.
POWELL
(dryly)
Yeah, let's not forget him.
MCCLANE
The leader goes by the name, Hans.
He's locked down the elevators.
Also, I haven't found one of them
yet who didn't carry a radio so you
can bet they're monitoring this
call. Channel twenty-six seems to
be their inter-office number but
they move it around and it's in
German, so get someone who speaks
it to give you a play by play.
POWELL
Sounds like you know this
bunch pretty well.
fm*. MCCLANE
' We've gotten pretty intimate
waiting on you guys to get here.
POWELL
I hear you...Well, we're here
now, partner...What do I call you?
MCCLANE
'Partner' suits me fine.
POWELL
You got it. Now, listen to me,
if you think of anything else you
let me know. In the meantime I want
you to find a safe place and hole-up
and let us do our job. Understand?
MCCLANE
(to CB)
They're all yours, Al. Good luck.
McClane turns off his CB and sits against the wall. Theo
slumps against the wall opposite McClane, beneath a roster of
offices and names for the floor.
THEO
Why wouldn't you tell them your
name?
(CONTINUED)
A98
48

173 CONTINUED: (2) 173

f*^ McClane pulls out a candy bar from the kit bag and offers Theo
one. Theo shakes his head and McClane unwraps it.

MCCLANE
Just something I don't want
broadcast everywhere.

THEO
You got a friend or something
downstairs?

MCCLANE
(beat)
You're a smart guy.

Theo grins, and ties his shoe.

MCCLANE
It's McClane...John McClane.

Theo extends a hand across the corridor.

THEO
(shaking hands
with McClane)
>», Bill Clay.

MCCLANE
This usual for you to be working
on Christmas Eve?

THEO
Getting ready to go to Mexico
next week. Trying to finish up
some work.

McClane pulls out another candy bar and offers it to Theo.
This time the terrorist takes it. McClane looks around the
darkened hallways. He clearly doesn't like it. Casually
McClane's glance goes over Theo's head.

174 HIS P.O.V. 174

The roster of names of employees.

175 CLOSER 175

We MOVE DOWN the row of names beginning with C on the roster —
passing CAMPBELL, S.; CLAY, Wm.; CRAWFORD, L. and suddenly we're
in the D's.
yffS*\

176 ON MCCLANE 176

His glance drops subtly from the roster and he takes another
bite of his candy bar.

A98 (CONTINUED)
49

176 CONTINUED: 176
MCCLANE
You know how to use a handgun,
Bill?
THEO
No.
McClane pulls out his Beretta pops out the magazine, jams in a
fresh one, and hands it to him.
MCCLANE
Time to learn.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane informs Powell of the terrorists' weaponry and warns of their surveillance capabilities. McClane and Theo, now identified as Bill Clay, notice a discrepancy on the employee roster and decide to investigate.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Strategic thinking by the protagonist
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the action genre
  • Slight predictability in certain character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and suspense. It effectively sets up the conflict and raises the stakes for the protagonist.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is well-executed. The scene effectively establishes the premise and sets the stage for the action to come.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with a clear progression of events that build tension and suspense. The conflict between the protagonist and the terrorists drives the narrative forward.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the hostage situation genre with unique character interactions and plot developments.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are distinct and well-defined, with the protagonist showcasing resourcefulness and determination. The terrorists are portrayed as formidable adversaries.

Character Changes: 7

The protagonist undergoes a transformation from a vulnerable position to a more empowered and strategic one. His interactions with the terrorists also reveal new facets of his character.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect the hostages. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and his fear of failure.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to outsmart the terrorists and save the hostages. This reflects the immediate challenge he's facing in the hostage situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the protagonist and the terrorists is intense and drives the scene forward. The high stakes and sense of danger create a palpable tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and obstacles that create suspense and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with the protagonist facing a group of armed terrorists in a confined space. The potential for danger and the urgency of the situation create a sense of imminent threat.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the plot by escalating the conflict, introducing new challenges, and setting up the next stage of the protagonist's mission.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected character interactions and plot twists.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is between McClane's belief in justice and the terrorists' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes feelings of anxiety, fear, and determination in the audience. The high-stakes situation and the protagonist's perilous position create emotional engagement.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals important information about the characters and their motivations. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the high stakes, intense dialogue, and fast-paced action.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action and dialogue that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from McClane grinning in the board room to the KCBS news truck arriving, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between Ellis and the sound of police sirens feels disconnected from the main action of McClane and the terrorists.
  • The interaction between McClane and Theo lacks depth and tension, making it feel like a missed opportunity to build suspense.
  • The revelation of McClane's name to Theo as 'John McClane' and Theo's response as 'Bill Clay' lacks a strong impact or significance.
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension, which is crucial in a high-stakes action thriller like this.
Suggestions
  • Consider smoothing out the transition between different locations to maintain a cohesive flow in the scene.
  • Integrate the dialogue between Ellis and the police sirens more effectively into the main storyline to enhance the overall narrative.
  • Enhance the interaction between McClane and Theo to create more tension and intrigue, possibly hinting at Theo's true identity or intentions.
  • Amplify the significance of McClane revealing his name to Theo and Theo's response to create a more impactful moment.
  • Inject more urgency and tension into the scene to heighten the suspense and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 16 -  Standoff on the 39th Floor
177 EXT. POLICE OPERATIONS - WILSHIRE - SAME 177
An unmarked police car pulls up across the street from Nakatomi
building and a MAN in a sportcoat climbs out. Stocky, his
hair a little too perfect, the very fact that he is the
i Deputy Chief of Police Operations on a Christmas Eve gives some
evidence to his position in the pecking order. His name is
DWAYNE T. ROBINSON and he moves brusquely past police technicians
into:
178 THE MOBILE POLICE UNIT 178
and goes to a uniformed officer.
ROBINSON
Who's talking to them?
Powell turns around.
POWELL
I am, Sir...Sergeant Al Powell.
ROBINSON
Dwayne Robinson. What's the story,
Sergeant?
POWELL
We've got a lone man in there who
says terrorists took over the
building and have killed at least
one of their hostages. He claims
to have killed three of them.
ROBINSON
How're we talking to them?
POWELL
(
**"
• CB, they've cut phone lines inside.
Powell hands him a headset.
(CONTINUED)

A98
50

178 CONTINUED: 178
f* ROBINSON
(slipping on the
headset)
What about the terrorists? Have
you talked to them?
POWELL
They don't answer us.
ROBINSON
(sarcastically)
Great...
We CAN SEE Robinson already hates the complications. Here's a
man more adept at handling two punks in an empty Safeway. He
is clearly not ready to deal with a situation where the
terrorists won't talk. Just then, two plainclothes MEN enter
J the trailer and show their I.D. to the guard. Their presence
f further upsets Robinson.
179 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 179
McClane and Theo come down the stairwell from the 40th floor.
McClane tries the door to the 39th floor — the handle moves in
his hand. McClane looks up and re-checks the floor number by
/**** the door frame, then opens the door. Both men move out onto:
180 THE 39TH FLOOR 180
and down a corridor. As they move McClane notices something
along the floor jam.
181 HIS P.O.V. 181
A plastic explosive charge.
182 MCCLANE 182
moves carefully past it and another, drawn toward a lighted
office at the end of the hallway.
183 INT. OFFICE 183
McClane moves into the office, which we RECOGNIZE as the anteroom
to the safe room. The door connecting the safe room has been
closed, hiding the safe and drill press. Theo's three bags,
however sit on the table and McClane goes straight for them.
Theo steps into the room behind him. He spies something else
on the table.
f* 184 HIS P.O.V. 184
the Walther.


A98
51
185 THEO 185
Looks up and watches McClane open the first bag containing the
plastic explosives.
THEO
What...what is it?
MCCLANE
Plastic explosives. Like those
in the hall.
THEO
(suddenly)
They were going to blow the
building.
MCCLANE
(dryly)
That's sharp thinking, Bill.
He places a couple of packets next to the Walther and hurriedly
opens the second bag.
186 INSERT 186
The contents: Detonators.
/s^N

187 MCCLANE 187
throws the second bag over his shoulder. Theo watches him.
THEO
Why are we taking them?
MCCLANE
Leverage. C'mon let's get out of
here.

He starts for the door. Theo watches him for a moment then
brings up the Beretta aiming it right at McClane's face and
cocks it.

THEO
Put them down and drop your
machine gun on the floor.

McClane just looks at him.

MCCLANE
^ Why wire the top floors, Bill?
(CONTINUED)



A98
52

187 CONTINUED: 187

' THEO
Don't worry about it. Drop
your gun.

Instead, McClane slowly raises his machine gun and aims it
at Theo. Theo pulls the trigger — the gun clicks empty.
Theo's eyes go to the Walther on the table. McClane follows
his glance.

MCCLANE
Don't try it.

Theo looks back challengingly, McClane recognizes the look.

MCCLANE
And don't tell me I won't do it.

But Theo breaks for the pistol and McClane levels him with a
burst from the machine gun. For a moment he just looks at the
dead terrorist, then retrieves his Browning and exchanges
magazines.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Deputy Chief Dwayne Robinson arrives at the scene and learns of a lone gunman's claims about terrorists taking over the Nakatomi building. Meanwhile, John McClane and Theo descend to the 39th floor and discover plastic explosives hidden in the floor jam. McClane realizes the explosives could be used as leverage. As they prepare to leave, Theo betrays McClane and lunges for a gun, prompting McClane to kill him.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Strategic thinking
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Some cliched dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with suspense, action, and strategic thinking. The intense confrontation between McClane and the terrorist keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone man facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed with skill and tension. The introduction of plastic explosives adds a new layer of danger and urgency to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot is driven by the intense confrontation between McClane and the terrorist, leading to a high-stakes showdown. The discovery of plastic explosives raises the stakes and propels the action forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the action genre with its focus on character dynamics and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

McClane's quick thinking and resourcefulness shine in this scene, showcasing his determination and bravery. The terrorist's calculated actions and confrontation with McClane add depth to the characters.

Character Changes: 7

McClane's character undergoes a subtle change as he faces off against the terrorist, showcasing his determination and strategic thinking. The terrorist's actions also reveal more about his character.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect the hostages in the building. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and his fear of failure.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to defeat the terrorists and save the hostages, reflecting the immediate challenge he faces in the building.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between McClane and the terrorist is intense and high-stakes, driving the action forward and keeping the audience engaged. The threat of the plastic explosives adds another layer of conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and unpredictable outcomes, adding to the tension and drama.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with McClane facing off against a terrorist armed with plastic explosives. The danger and urgency of the situation keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and raising the stakes for the characters. The discovery of the plastic explosives adds a new layer of danger and urgency to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions and decisions of the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between law enforcement and criminal activity, challenging the protagonist's beliefs about justice and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and determination in the audience, creating an emotional connection to the characters and their struggle. The high stakes and intense confrontation heighten the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and impactful, conveying the high stakes of the situation. The verbal exchange between McClane and the terrorist adds to the suspense and intensity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful atmosphere.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear action descriptions and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively sets up the tension between Deputy Chief Robinson and the situation at hand, showcasing his frustration and lack of preparedness for dealing with a terrorist threat.
  • The interaction between McClane and Theo in the office is intense and suspenseful, with a good build-up of tension as Theo aims the gun at McClane.
  • The use of plastic explosives and detonators adds a sense of urgency and danger to the scene, highlighting the terrorists' intentions to blow up the building.
  • Theo's betrayal and subsequent demise at the hands of McClane adds a layer of conflict and resolution to the scene, showcasing McClane's quick thinking and resourcefulness.
  • The dialogue between McClane and Theo is sharp and engaging, with each character trying to outmaneuver the other in a high-stakes situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more visual descriptions to enhance the tension and suspense of the scene, such as detailing the setting of the office and the characters' body language.
  • Explore the emotional impact of Theo's betrayal on McClane, delving into the psychological aspects of the confrontation.
  • Add more depth to Deputy Chief Robinson's character to further highlight the contrast between his usual duties and the current crisis.
  • Provide more context on the terrorists' motivations and background to create a richer narrative surrounding their actions.
  • Consider incorporating internal monologues or thoughts from McClane to give insight into his mindset and decision-making process during the confrontation.



Scene 17 -  Detonators Discovery
(** 188 INT. 39TH FLOOR - OFFICE 188
Dark. A light comes on and McClane quickly moves to the desk.
He takes out a handful of detonators and puts them in his
other kit bag, then puts the main bag of detonators in the
trash can under the desk covering it with the trash, and
sliding it back under the desk again.

189 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 189

Robinson and Powell when McClane calls them on the CB.

MCCLANE'S VOICE/RADIO
Hey, Al...are you there?

POWELL
Yeah, partner, what's up?

INTERCUT:

190 MCCLANE 190

T He sits on the floor below a bank of windows.
(CONTINUED)


A98
53
190 CONTINUED: 190

MCCLANE
There * s a new development.
They've got high explosives
up here. Plastics.
POWELL
Hey, man, I work a desk. You're
going to have to spell these
things out for me.

MCCLANE
Think of it like this then,
they've got enough stuff up
here to turn this place into
Century Canyon...
| 191 ON ROBINSON 191
/
Listening with everyone else.

ROBINSON
(to himself)
Great.

192 ON MCCLANE 192
MCCLANE
...On the other hand I've got
the detonators.
INTERCUT:

193 POWELL 193
In the police trailer.

POWELL
Listen, partner...throw them out.
The first thing we need to do
is reduce the chance of disaster.
MCCLANE
I have...until they catch me.
Also, chalk up another one dead.
POWELL
Jesus...
HANS' VOICE/RADIO .
(o.s.; cutting in)
Mr. Barefoot man? Can you hear me?


A98
54
194 ROBINSON 194
stJM.!\ looks at a technician.
ROBINSON
(to technician)
You got that recorder hooked
up? I want it running.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane hides detonators and informs Powell and Robinson about explosives and another victim. Powell suggests discarding the detonators, but McClane refuses. Hans Gruber intervenes in the radio conversation.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Tense dialogue
  • High-stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, suspenseful, and crucial in advancing the plot. It effectively builds tension and sets up a high-stakes situation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against terrorists with high explosives creates a gripping and engaging scenario. The introduction of the detonators adds a new layer of danger and complexity to the situation.

Plot: 9

The plot is driven by the escalating conflict between McClane and the terrorists, particularly the explosive confrontation with Theo. It moves the story forward and raises the stakes significantly.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the action genre by combining elements of suspense, danger, and moral conflict. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters, especially McClane and Theo, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the scene. However, more exploration of secondary characters could enhance the overall character dynamics.

Character Changes: 6

McClane undergoes a subtle shift in his approach to handling the terrorists, becoming more strategic and decisive. Theo's character also experiences a significant change through his confrontation with McClane.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prevent disaster and save lives by dealing with the high explosives in the building. This reflects his deeper desire to protect others and uphold his duty as a police officer.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the high explosives and prevent disaster in the building. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with physical, emotional, and moral dilemmas driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing difficult choices and obstacles that challenge his ability to overcome the danger.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with the threat of explosives, intense standoffs, and the potential for catastrophic consequences. The characters' lives and the safety of others are on the line.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the plot by introducing new elements like the explosives, escalating the conflict, and setting up future confrontations. It propels the narrative towards a climactic resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the protagonist's decisions and the escalating danger posed by the high explosives.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's duty to protect lives and the antagonist's disregard for human safety in pursuit of their goals. This challenges the protagonist's values and beliefs as a police officer.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and determination in the characters and the audience. The high stakes and explosive confrontation heighten the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and impactful, especially during the standoff between McClane and Theo. It effectively conveys the urgency and danger of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, suspenseful atmosphere, and dynamic dialogue that keeps the audience invested in the protagonist's actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and tension, keeping the audience engaged in the unfolding events.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict through dialogue and action sequences.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from McClane hiding detonators in the office to him calling Powell and Robinson on the CB, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between McClane and Powell lacks clarity and specificity, making it difficult for the audience to fully understand the gravity of the situation.
  • The tension and urgency of the scene could be heightened with more descriptive language and visual cues to convey the high stakes involved.
  • The interaction between Robinson and the technician regarding the recorder feels disconnected from the main action of McClane dealing with the explosives.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between McClane hiding the detonators and calling Powell and Robinson to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue between McClane and Powell to clearly convey the imminent danger posed by the explosives and the urgency of the situation.
  • Incorporate more visual cues and descriptive language to heighten the tension and suspense of the scene, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Focus on integrating the subplot with Robinson and the technician more seamlessly into the main action to maintain the momentum of the scene.



Scene 18 -  Negotiations Break Down
195 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 195
Hans talking on CB to McClane. Karl stands to the side.
MCLANE/RADIO
(o.s.)
Yeah, I hear you. t



HANS
I'm calling to offer you a truce.
i i Put the detonators on an elevator
/ and retreat to a safe place and
1
we won't bother you anymore. I
i give you my word.
i
196 MCCLANE 196
MCCLANE
i Let's see, is that the same word
f^ you gave Rivers before you shot him?
HANS' VOICE
(O.S.)
Believe me when I tell you
that there are those among us
who would like nothing more than
to hunt you down and kill you.
MCCLANE
Who...you mean, Karl? Hey,
Karl, come on up and I'll tell
you just how it felt to break
his brother's neck.
He hears Karl let out a yell and Hans' radio goes dead.
McClane lets out a breath and leans back. The tough guy
act is difficult. He waits and his radio comes back with
Hans.
HANS' VOICE/RADIO
(o.s.)
It's more than idle curiosity
how you know some of our names.
I feel at a slight disadvantage
not knowing, yours.
(CONTINUED)

A98
55

196 CONTINUED: 196
(*** MCCLANE
You'll get over it.
HANS' VOICE/RADIO
(o.s.)
You have a very cavalier attitude
for someone who probably has a
loved one on this very floor.
MCCLANE
You got the wrong guy, fella.
I was just up here fixing the
cigarette machines when you
came barging in.
INTERCUT:
197 HANS 197
HANS
A vending machine repairman who
breaks people's necks?
MCCLANE
It's a tough business.
f^ HANS
And it will get tougher. I
promise.
MCCLANE
Well, it's a big building, Hans.
Lotsa luck, fella.
198 POLICE TRAILER - SAME 198
Robinson turns quickly to his radio operator.
ROBINSON
Quick, patch me in there.
(to Hans)
Hans? Is that your name? This
is Captain Dwayne Robinson. LAPD.
Is anyone hurt in there or need
medical help?
INTERCUT:
199 HANS 199
HANS
/*N Everyone is fine, Mr. Robinson.
ROBINSON
What do you want? Let's talk.
(CONTINUED)
A98
56
199 CONTINUED: 199
HANS
f* (chuckles)
You are eager, aren't you?
Please sit back and relax, we
will contact you when we are
ready.
Hans turns off his radio.
200 POLICE TRAILER - ON ROBINSON 200
ROBINSON
Wait, wait...
(realizing he's
been cut off)
Shit...
The two well-dressed men chuckle at. Robinson's frustration.
The big man lights a cigarette for the smaller one.
Robinson turns on them angrily.
ROBINSON
Who are you guys with?
They each pull out their I.D. and flash it at him.
/ffi^TS LITTLE JOHNSON
Special Agents Johnson and
Johnson, FBI.
BIG JOHNSON
Sounds like you're in for
a fun Christmas Eve, Chief.
ROBINSON
You want to crack jokes, go
up to Sunset. This isn't
your operation anyway.
BIG JOHNSON
Hey, we're just here to observe
or if you want to bounce ideas
off of us or...
LITTLE JOHNSON
(more seriously)
...Or, if it should suddenly
become our operation.
He lets the implication of a possible changeover hang for
a moment. It isn't lost on Robinson.
(^ ROBINSON
Just stay the hell out of my way.
(turning back)
Johnson and Johnson...Jesus?...
(CONTINUED)
A98
57

200 CONTINUED: 200
Big Johnson grins and stops a uniformed cop going out the
door of the trailer.
BIG JOHNSON
Where's the coffee around here?
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Crime","Drama"]

Summary Hans calls McClane to offer a truce, but McClane refuses. Hans threatens McClane, who taunts him. Hans asks for McClane's name, who gives him a false one. Hans promises McClane will regret it. Captain Robinson tries to contact Hans, but Hans cuts him off. FBI agents Johnson and Johnson arrive and offer to assist Robinson.
Strengths
  • Tense negotiation
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Intense conflict
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched lines
  • Lack of diversity in character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is highly engaging and tense, with a good balance of action, dialogue, and character dynamics. The negotiation between McClane and Gruber adds depth to their conflict and raises the stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a negotiation between the hero and the villain in a high-stakes situation is well-executed, adding layers of tension and suspense to the scene.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as McClane and Gruber engage in a negotiation, revealing more about their characters and motivations. The introduction of FBI agents adds a new element to the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a familiar hostage negotiation scenario but adds unique elements such as McClane's unconventional tactics and the dynamic between the FBI agents and the local police. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of McClane, Gruber, and the FBI agents are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward. Each character's personality and motivations are clearly portrayed.

Character Changes: 6

McClane and Gruber's characters are further developed through their negotiation, revealing more about their motivations and personalities.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to protect the hostages and stop the terrorists. This reflects his deeper need for justice and his fear of failing to save innocent lives.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to outsmart the terrorists and prevent further harm. This reflects the immediate challenge he's facing of negotiating with the terrorists and protecting the hostages.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between McClane and Gruber is intense and drives the scene forward. The introduction of the FBI agents adds another layer of conflict and tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power struggles between the characters that create uncertainty and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The negotiation between McClane and Gruber, as well as the presence of the FBI agents, raises the stakes and intensifies the conflict, adding urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about the characters, their motivations, and the escalating conflict. The introduction of the FBI agents adds a new element to the plot.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected twists in the negotiation process.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between McClane's sense of justice and Hans' ruthless tactics. This challenges McClane's beliefs in law and order versus Hans' disregard for human life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The negotiation and high stakes create a sense of tension and suspense, engaging the audience emotionally. The conflict between the characters adds depth to the scene.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and impactful, especially during the negotiation between McClane and Gruber. It reveals the characters' personalities and adds depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, fast-paced dialogue, and the conflict between the characters. The tension keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense negotiation scene in an action thriller, with clear character motivations and escalating stakes.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Hans and McClane lacks depth and feels somewhat cliched. It could benefit from more nuanced exchanges that reveal the characters' motivations and emotions.
  • The tension in the scene could be heightened by adding more suspenseful elements, such as a countdown or a ticking clock to emphasize the urgency of the situation.
  • The interaction between Robinson and the FBI agents feels forced and could be more subtly integrated into the scene to maintain the focus on the main conflict between McClane and Hans.
  • The scene lacks visual descriptions that could enhance the reader's understanding of the setting and character actions. Adding more visual cues would help create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The transition between different locations and characters could be smoother to avoid abrupt shifts that disrupt the flow of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Revise the dialogue between Hans and McClane to make it more engaging and reflective of their personalities and objectives.
  • Introduce more suspenseful elements to increase the tension and keep the audience on the edge of their seats.
  • Integrate the interaction between Robinson and the FBI agents more organically into the scene to maintain coherence and focus.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a vivid picture of the setting and character actions for the reader.
  • Refine the transitions between different locations and characters to ensure a seamless flow and continuity in the scene.



Scene 19 -  Interrogation and Warnings
201 INT. HOSTAGE FLOOR - NIGHT 201
Hans and Karl. Karl preps his weapon with a hunter's
obsession for detail.
HANS
Find him and the detonators....
Karl leaves and Hans watches from the doorway. Suddenly
he notices Holly staring at him from her place on the floor.
She holds his look boldly.
HOLLY
/ Why don't you want to talk to them?
HANS
The police? Why should I?
HOLLY
You want to get away, don't you?
/^if\
You can negotiate that.
HANS
I have many worries...but
'getting away' is not one of
them.
HOLLY •
But if you don't talk to them...
sooner or later they'll attack.
Hans stares at Holly, this makes Ellis even more uncomfortable
and he tries to quiet her. But she holds Hans' look.
HANS
(to Holly, beat)
You seem to know a good deal
about what the police might do.
HOLLY
(flatly)
Common sense.
HANS
Do you have children?

/^vX Holly doens't answer, but Hans knows by her reaction, the
answer is "yes"
(CONTINUED)
A98
58
201 CONTINUED: 201
-* HANS
( Then you know you want them to
respect what you say, when you
say it. But sometimes, no matter
how many times you tell them something
is dangerous — like a hot burner
on a stove — it is not until they
touch it, that they understand it
is truly dangerous...Folice are
like children...words are often
not enough.
He turns and goes back into:
202 HOLLY'S OFFICE 202
He closes the door. Going to the desk he shifts through
the I.D.'s and finds Holly's.
^203 INSERT - HOLLY'S I.D. 203
It shows Holly's picture and the name: GENNARO.
204 CLOSE ON A TELEVISION SCREEN - NIGHT 204
We SEE a news report interrupts the regular scheduled
f* program. Dick Thornburg talks to the camera. As he
talks We PULL BACK TO SEE William in the backseat of the
limo. He reacts excitedly to the report.
WILLIAM
Terrorist, oh, man...Where is
this?
205 ON SCREEN 205
the CAMERA PULLS BACK and we SEE the Nakatomi Building
rise up in the b.g. behind Thornburg.
206 CLOSE - WILLIAM 206
as he recognizes the place on TV.
WILLIAM
(stunned)
Holy shit...
207 CLOSE - TELEVISION 207
The CAMERA PANS to Police Trailer and we SEE the massive
build-up of police personnel and equipment.
THORNBURG
As you can see, the police have
brought up their armored car unit
(CONTINUED)
A98
59
207 CONTINUED: 207
THORNBURG (Cont.)
and dispatched SWAT personnel
around the building though they
are adamantly denying that any
sort of assault is in the works...
WILLIAM
(more stunned)
Holy shit...
He grabs the car phone and madly punches 911.
WILLIAM
(to himself)
911...
(he misdials)
Fuck!
(more carefully)
9-1-1...
He gets it right and leans back, still panicked as someone
answers.
WILLIAM
(to phone)
Police?!...Well, I need 'em!
Your damn straight this is an
emergency! You know that building
in Century City that's full of
terrorists?...Yeah, that's the
one...Well, I'm sitting right
this very second un —
The word freezes in his mouth as something suddenly dawns
on him. William cancels his call.
WILLIAM
(to himself)
Shit, William, you fool...If the
police could save your sorry ass
don't you think they'd be down here
doin' it?!
He looks back at the TV.
THORNBURG
Since telephone lines in the
building have been cut all
communications have been by
CB radios which the terriorists
took into the building with them.
j0!GiZ\
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Hans interrogates Holly about police tactics. Holly suggests negotiation, but Hans dismisses her and implies she's a threat. Hans deduces Holly has children, which affects her. Hans compares police to children needing to experience danger. William watches news about the Nakatomi Building hostage situation and becomes increasingly distressed.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, suspenseful, and filled with high stakes, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiation under extreme circumstances and the power dynamics at play are well-executed.

Plot: 7

The plot advances as the negotiation unfolds, adding to the tension and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the hostage situation genre, focusing on the psychological dynamics between the characters rather than just the action. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Hans and Holly are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

Holly shows resilience and strength in the face of danger, while Hans reveals his ruthless nature.

Internal Goal: 8

Hans' internal goal is to maintain control and power in the hostage situation. He wants to assert his authority and intimidate the hostages to prevent any attempts at rebellion or escape.

External Goal: 7

Hans' external goal is to negotiate with the police and secure his escape with the hostages. He wants to avoid a violent confrontation and ensure his own safety.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Hans and Holly, as well as the external threat of law enforcement, creates a high level of tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of the hostage situation.

High Stakes: 9

The negotiation between Hans and Holly, along with the presence of law enforcement, raises the stakes significantly.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by escalating the conflict and revealing more about the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters and the unexpected twists in the dialogue. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Hans' belief in power and control versus Holly's belief in negotiation and communication. Hans sees the police as a threat to his authority, while Holly believes in finding a peaceful resolution.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and anxiety in the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and reveals the power struggle between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and complex character dynamics. The audience is drawn into the tension and suspense of the hostage situation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and tense, with quick dialogue exchanges and escalating tension. The rhythm of the scene adds to the suspense and urgency of the situation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is formatted correctly and contributes to the overall tone of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a typical structure for a tense hostage situation, with escalating tension and conflict between the characters. The pacing and rhythm are effective in building suspense.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension, considering the high-stakes situation of hostages being held by terrorists.
  • The dialogue between Hans and Holly feels somewhat forced and lacks depth, especially in exploring the dynamics between the characters.
  • The transition from Hans questioning Holly to William's reaction to the news report feels disjointed and disrupts the flow of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the psychological manipulation tactics used by Hans, which could have added more depth to the interaction with Holly.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual cues to enhance the atmosphere and build suspense, such as focusing on the tense expressions of the characters.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more layers to the dialogue between Hans and Holly to create a more engaging and emotionally charged interaction.
  • Work on building the tension and urgency of the scene by emphasizing the high-stakes situation and the imminent danger faced by the hostages.
  • Smooth out the transition between different elements of the scene to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Explore the psychological manipulation tactics employed by Hans in more detail to showcase his cunning and manipulative nature.
  • Incorporate visual cues and descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 20 -  McClane's Barricade and the Terrorists' Search
208 INT. 37TH FLOOR 208
A stairwell door opens and McClane carefully moves out onto
the 37th floor. Seeing that it is deserted he begins
overturning desks, making a small fortress.
A98
60
209 LIMO - CLOSE ON TRUNK - NIGHT 209
The trunk to the big limo opens and William's hand reaches
under a tool kit TO REVEAL a portable CB unit.
210 INT. LIMO - BACKSEAT - NIGHT 210
William plugs the CB power cord into the rear cigarette
lighter and turns it on. The STATIC HISSES as he goes
through the channels. Suddenly he stops and WE HEAR KARL'S
VOICE over the CB.
KARL'S VOICE
(o.s., on CB)
Heinrich is dead...
211 INT. 39TH FLOOR - ANTEROOM TO SAFE ROOM - SAME 211
Karl stands over the body of Theo.
KARL
(to CB)
Theo and Heinrich are dead.
We're going down.
212 INT. 37TH FLOOR - NIGHT 212
McClane at STAIRWELL DOOR. He lays a plastic chair
protector sheet in front of the stairwell door. Then
he leans an axe against the door — a very primitive
early warning device.
TIME CUT TO:
213 INT. 37TH FLOOR - NIGHT . 213
McClane fastens a small pad of plastic explosives to the
light switch by the doorway; then presses a half dozen
detonators into the material. He's not sure how many
he'll need and adds another for good measure and puts the
rest in his pocket.
214 INT. 38TH FLOOR - SAME 214
Fritz and Franco move onto the 38th floor and spread out.
The operation looks like an African hunt with beaters moving
out in front — rattling chairs, knocking over phones, lamps
etc. — moving toward Karl, who waits at the other end of
the room by the stairwell door.
When they reach him he opens the stairwell door and
silently waves them down the stairs. He looks over the
floor one last time, then he notices a flickering fluorescent
light above him in the stairwell. His glance goes to another
fluorescent fixture.
KARL
(to the terrorist
below him)
Stop.
A98
61
215 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 215
A new group of men enter the trailer — the SWAT team
personnel. One in particular CAPTAIN MITCHELL eyes a pretty
policewoman on the way in.
Following Mitchell is a small man with pencils in his shirt
pocket and a hard hat, GEORGE HENRY', City Engineer's office.-
The last man enters in a tuxedo, pulled away from a party.
His name is RALPH BAILEY, late thirties; mayor's office
liasion. Johnson and Johnson view the assembly with detached
amusement. Robinson does the introductions quickly.
ROBINSON
George Henry, City Engineer's
office, this is Captain Mitchell...
Special Agents Johnson and Johnson.
The engineer nods to the men. Mitchell eyes the Feds, wary
of his competition.
ROBINSON
(pointing to Bailey)
And this is Ralph Bailey, mayor's
office.
Bailey takes an offered cup of coffee. He looks like he
needs it. Henry unrolls building plans while Robinson talks.
ROBINSON
' To bring everyone up to date,
we've got a hostage situation
I in which thirty-five civilians
are being held by an undetermined
number of terrorists with no
1
expressed intent to negotiate.
1
Now, we've got six hours before
the East Coast wakes up and turns
on their TV's and frankly I'd like
not to be here when they do, so
let's hear what you gentlemen
have got to say.
LITTLE JOHNSON
Excuse me, but it seems you've
left something out.
Robinson looks up at the Agent.
ROBINSON
(to the others)
There's an unidentified gunman in
the building who claims to have
^ .• killed four of the terrorists, have
{ plastic explosives and detonators:
These claims are unconfirmed.
(CONTINUED)

A98
62
215 CONTINUED: 215
^ BAILEY
( Who is he? What's he doing there?
ROBINSON
He won't tell us. We have an
officer monitoring it.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Crime"]

Summary McClane creates a makeshift barricade and rigs explosives in anticipation of a confrontation with the terrorists. Meanwhile, the terrorists search for him, prompted by Karl's announcement of Theo and Heinrich's deaths. The SWAT team arrives for a briefing, preparing to resolve the hostage situation.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Strategic planning by the protagonist
  • Introduction of new characters adding depth to the story
  • Escalating tension and suspense
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development through dialogue
  • Minimal emotional depth in exchanges

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and sets the stage for a climactic confrontation. It introduces new elements and characters that add depth to the story, keeping the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed well, with strategic planning, explosive devices, and a primitive early warning system adding layers to the conflict.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with McClane setting up defenses, discovering explosives, and engaging in a shootout with the terrorists. The introduction of new characters and the escalating tension contribute to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a high-stakes hostage situation and the protagonist's resourcefulness in navigating the building. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions are fresh and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 7

While the focus is more on action and plot development, the scene introduces new characters like Captain Mitchell, George Henry, and Ralph Bailey, who add complexity to the unfolding crisis. McClane's resourcefulness and determination are highlighted through his actions.

Character Changes: 6

McClane's character remains consistent in his resourcefulness and determination, showcasing his ability to adapt to challenging situations. The introduction of new characters adds complexity to the narrative but does not significantly impact character development in this scene.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to protect the hostages and stop the terrorists. This reflects his deeper need for justice and his desire to do the right thing.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to outsmart the terrorists and prevent further harm to the hostages. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the building.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with McClane facing off against the terrorists, setting up defenses, and discovering explosives. The escalating tension and strategic maneuvers heighten the stakes and keep the audience on edge.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the terrorists posing a significant threat to McClane and the hostages.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with McClane facing off against the terrorists, setting up defenses, and discovering explosives that could impact the safety of the hostages. The escalating tension and strategic maneuvers raise the stakes and keep the audience engaged.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new elements, escalating the conflict, and setting up a climactic confrontation between McClane and the terrorists. The strategic planning, discovery of explosives, and shootout add depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected actions of the characters and the evolving situation in the building.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is between McClane's belief in justice and the terrorists' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

While the scene is more focused on action and suspense, there is an underlying sense of fear, anxiety, and determination that resonates with the audience. McClane's resourcefulness and bravery evoke a sense of admiration and tension.

Dialogue: 6

The dialogue serves mainly to convey information and move the plot forward, with minimal emphasis on character development or emotional depth. However, the exchanges between characters effectively set up the escalating conflict and stakes.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and suspenseful atmosphere.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and building suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay in the thriller genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful action sequence in a thriller genre.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the high-stakes situation of a hostage crisis.
  • The actions taken by McClane to create a fortress and set up explosives feel rushed and lack depth in terms of strategic planning.
  • The transition between different locations and characters is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the emotional and psychological impact of the hostage crisis on both the hostages and the terrorists.
  • The dialogue between the characters lacks depth and fails to effectively convey the gravity of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the sense of urgency and tension by adding more suspenseful elements to the scene.
  • Provide more insight into McClane's thought process and strategic decision-making in setting up the explosives and creating a fortress.
  • Improve the pacing and transitions between different locations to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Explore the emotional and psychological dynamics of the characters involved in the hostage crisis to add depth and complexity to the scene.
  • Revise the dialogue to be more impactful and reflective of the high-stakes nature of the situation.



Scene 21 -  Outside the Police Trailer
216 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SIDEWALK - ON POWELL - SAME 216
He stands on the street behind some cars with his CB.
An officer comes by with a fresh cup of coffee for
him.
POWELL
(to CB)
How're you doing, partner?
INTERCUT:
217 MCCLANE ON 37TH FLOOR 217
He sits with his back to the wall, behind his fort of
overturned desks. He's tired and hungry and raises his CB.
MCCLANE
(to Powell)
I'm hanging in there. Is that
f^ coffee I smell?
POWELL
Sorry about that, man. How'd
you know?
MCCLANE
Just say I've been there.
What's happening down there?
POWELL
Well, they're having some
big pow-wow right now.
MCCLANE
And you're not invited to it?
POWELL
Hey, man I'm just a desk
jockey who was on my way
home when all this happened.
MCCLANE
Funny, I figured you for the
street, AI, the way you drove
("* that car.
The compliment stirs some buried pride in Powell.
POWELL
It's been a while, partner.
A98
63
218 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 218
Mitchell has started to assert himself. Henry puts an unlit
cigarette between his lips and studies the diagrams.
MITCHELL
I propose we send two men up the
sewers...enter the building here '—
BAILEY
What for?
MITCHELL
(patiently)
Having our men on the inside puts
us in a position to release the
hostages should the opportunity
arise and also give us an accurate
account of the strengths of this
i group.
t LITTLE JOHNSON
Why don't you use the man
who's already inside?
MITCHELL
Because he's not one of my_ men.
BIG JOHNSON
You haven't even talked to him.
BAILEY
(trying to get
a word in)
Frankly, I think we' should wait'
until they want to talk.
MITCHELL
When they want to talk it'11 be
too late. We need our men inside,
now...
HENRY
(quietly)
Can't do it.
Everyone suddenly looks at Henry.
HENRY
(to Mitchell)
You can't get men in through the
sewers.
MITCHELL
What*re you talking about?
(CONTINUED)
A98
64
218 CONTINUED: 218
f* HENRY
(noticing all
the looks)
The building's got a fourty foot
deep reverse flow conduit...they
can't get across it.
MITCHELL
You have a better way in?
Henry puts his cigarettes back into his mouth and looks back
at the diagram.
HENRY
Maybe...Anyone got a light.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Crime"]

Summary McClane and Powell discuss the situation over the CB, with McClane complimenting Powell's driving. Inside the police trailer, Mitchell proposes sending two men into the building through the sewers, but Henry objects, saying that it's not possible due to a deep reverse flow conduit. Mitchell asks if Henry has a better way in, and Henry says he might, but needs a light.
Strengths
  • Tension-building
  • Strategic planning
  • Character development
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel cliched or predictable

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene effectively builds tension and suspense through the standoff between McClane and Theo, as well as the strategic planning by the police officers. The high stakes and dramatic elements keep the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists, while also dealing with internal conflicts among the police force, is well-executed. The scene effectively showcases the strategic thinking and decision-making involved in a high-pressure situation.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with key developments such as the discovery of explosives, the standoff between McClane and Theo, and the strategic planning by the police officers. The tension and conflict are heightened, keeping the audience invested in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the hostage crisis genre by focusing on the internal dynamics of the police team and their decision-making process. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-defined, with McClane showcasing his resourcefulness and bravery, Theo displaying his cunning nature, and the police officers demonstrating their different approaches to handling the situation. Each character's actions drive the plot forward and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

McClane undergoes a transformation in this scene, from a lone fighter to a strategic thinker who collaborates with the police officers. His interactions with Theo and the police force shape his character arc and drive the story forward.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to prove his worth and competence in a challenging situation. He wants to show that he is capable and resourceful despite the odds stacked against him.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to find a way to help the hostages and contribute to resolving the crisis. He wants to make a difference and be a hero in the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with physical confrontations, strategic disagreements, and moral dilemmas driving the tension. The high stakes and opposing goals of the characters create a sense of urgency and danger.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and obstacles that challenge the protagonist's decisions and actions.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with lives on the line, explosives discovered, and a tense standoff between the hero and the villain. The characters' decisions have far-reaching consequences, adding urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing new obstacles, escalating the conflict, and setting up future confrontations. The revelations about the explosives and the strategic planning by the police officers propel the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected obstacles they face in resolving the crisis.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between Mitchell's proactive approach to sending men into the building and Henry's cautious skepticism. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about the best course of action in a crisis.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and fear during the standoff to relief and satisfaction when McClane overcomes Theo. The high stakes and personal stakes for the characters add emotional depth to the narrative.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue in the scene is tense and impactful, especially during the standoff between McClane and Theo. The strategic discussions among the police officers also add depth to the scene and reveal more about the characters' motivations.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the fast-paced dialogue, high stakes, and conflicting perspectives that keep the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and momentum through quick exchanges and escalating stakes.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense, high-stakes situation in a thriller genre, with clear character motivations and escalating conflict.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension, which is crucial in a high-stakes situation like a hostage crisis.
  • The dialogue between Powell and McClane feels somewhat casual and lacks the intensity needed for the scene.
  • The introduction of the SWAT team and their plan to enter the building through the sewers feels disconnected from the main action and slows down the pacing of the scene.
  • The conflict between Mitchell and Henry about the feasibility of entering the building through the sewers is not fully explored and feels like a minor subplot that detracts from the main storyline.
  • The scene could benefit from more focus on McClane's immediate actions and decisions as he navigates the building and deals with the terrorists.
Suggestions
  • Increase the sense of urgency and tension by adding more suspenseful elements to the dialogue and actions of the characters.
  • Streamline the conversation between Powell and McClane to focus on the immediate threats and challenges McClane is facing.
  • Consider integrating the SWAT team's plan more seamlessly into the main storyline to maintain the momentum of the scene.
  • Clarify the conflict between Mitchell and Henry or consider removing this subplot to keep the focus on McClane's actions.
  • Emphasize McClane's strategic thinking and resourcefulness as he deals with the terrorists to heighten the suspense and engagement of the scene.



Scene 22 -  McClane's Narrow Escape
219 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 219
I
/ Powell is talking with McClane on the CB.
POWELL
You seem to know a lot about
cops. You been one? Are you one?
INTERCUT:
{ 220 INT. MCCLANE - 37TH FLOOR - SAME 220
Sitting against the wall.
MCCLANE
I watch a lot of TV. What can
I say...?
POWELL
(probing)
You don't learn to kill like
that on TV.
MCCLANE
Hey, Al...if I could tell you
who I was, I'd tell you. You're
just going to have to trust me.
It's an appeal and the words effect Powell, he answers
quietly, like a promise.
POWELL
I trust you, man.
^ Suddenly he hears A CLATTERING SOUND over his CB.

(CONTINUED)

A98
65
220 CONTINUED: 220
MCCLANE'S VOICE
/fe$\ (o.s.)
I've got company, Al...I'll get
back to you.
POWELL
Wait, wait, stay on the line!
But he realizes McClane is gone.
221 INT. 37TH FLOOR - NIGHT 221
McClane moves from his fort in the shadows to the corner of
the floor.
222 MCCLANE'S P.O.V. 222
The axe has fallen, but the floor looks deserted.
223 MCCLANE 223
He hears a noise across the room — like a lamp being
knocked over, then a phone. McClane is on the move. Quickly
he moves through the cubicles, pausing before the doorway
to each one. The noises behind him become louder.
He passes the stairwell door and comes to the corner, looks
f*- carefully around it — it is clear. He steps around it
and suddenly Karl appears around the other corner directly
in front of him and opens fire. The bullets rip into the wall
in front of him — hitting a metal drinking fountain and
sending water spewing across the room. McClane ducks back
around the corner but at that moment Franco and Fritz
appear at the other end cutting off his retreat.
.MCCLANE
Oh, shit...
McClane feels the handle of the stairwell door behind him and
pushes it, disappearing into the stairwell just as the two
terrorists open fire.
224 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 224
Quickly McClane starts up the stairs. His bare feet taking
the concrete steps two at a time, heading into the darkness
of the next landing. Suddenly WE HEAR a CRUNCH and McClane
stiffens like he's been shot.
225 CLOSE - MCCLANE'S FOOT 225
The broken glass of fluorescent light bulbs and blood moves
^ out from beneath his left foot.


A98
66
226 MCCLANE 226
leans against the railing for support, the pain is incredible.
(
**
"*
*• He lifts his foot exposing a three inch gash. Gritting his
teeth he reaches into the bloody slash and extracts a large piece
of glass. Suddenly below WE HEAR the stairwell door open.
McClane fires a burst down the stairwell and pulls himself to
the door, three steps up.
227 38TH FLOOR 227
McClane hobbles painfully toward the elevator bank — every
step leaves a pool of blood in the carpet.-
228 EXT. OUTSIDE POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 228
He clutches his CB and tries desperately to make contact
with McClane.
POWELL
Come in, Partner. If you can
hear me, come in...
229 INT. STAIRWELL - 38TH FLOOR - SAME 229
Franco and Karl reach the bloodstains on the stairs. They
move carefully to the door to the 38th floor and crack it
slightly, then open it more — McClane is nowhere in sight,
but his trail is evident.
s£$£>\


A bloody path leads toward the elevator bank — veering
toward a secretary's desk — missing it's chair — then
back to the elevators. Suddenly the two terrorists HEAR
the SOUND OF AN ELEVATOR in motion and move quickly to the:
230 ELEVATOR BANK - 38TH FLOOR 230
Two sets of elevators facing each other like square dancers.
McClane*s bloodstains lead up to a set of doors and quickly
Franco forces open the doors with his fingers and looks in.
231 FRANCO'S P.O.V. 231
The elevator car in motion going down. It stops two floors
below them.
FRANCO
He's going down.
They move quickly back to the stairwell as we STAY in the
elevator bank a full second after they're gone. Suddenly
the doors on the opposite side of the bank open and we SEE
McClane sitting in the secretary's chair keeping his bleeding
left foot off the ground.
/flW\
232 38TH FLOOR - MAIN OFFICE AREA 232
McClane hobbles back to the office area. He goes to the
first desk he reaches and begins going through the drawers
(CONTINUED)
A98
67
232 CONTINUED: 232

/m^ looking for gauze or something to stop the bleeding on his
[ foot. No luck, he moves to the next desk and opens a drawer.
He finds a box of Kleenex and tosses it. A little more
digging turns up a box of band-aids — finger size. He opens
another drawer digs for a moment then closes it — nothing.
Then he stops — and slowly reopens the last drawer.
233 INSERT - THE DRAWER 233
He pulls back some papers and REVEALS a box of MAXI-PADS.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane discovers intruders on the 37th floor and engages in a shootout with Karl. He retreats to the stairwell, leaving a trail of blood behind. Terrorists follow the trail, but McClane escapes by hiding in an elevator car.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Predictable plot twists

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is filled with tension, action, and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed well, with a focus on survival and strategy.

Plot: 8

The plot is fast-paced and filled with twists and turns, keeping the audience guessing and invested in the outcome.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its portrayal of a lone hero facing overwhelming odds in a high-stakes situation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the suspenseful atmosphere.


Character Development

Characters: 7

The characters are well-developed, with John McClane standing out as a resourceful and determined protagonist.

Character Changes: 6

John McClane undergoes a physical and emotional journey, showcasing his resilience and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect the people in the building. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and to prove himself as a hero.

External Goal: 9

McClane's external goal is to evade the terrorists and find a way to contact the police for help. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between John McClane and the terrorists is intense and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the terrorists posing a significant threat to McClane's survival. The audience is unsure of how he will overcome the obstacles in his way.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of the situation, with lives on the line and a tense standoff between the hero and the villains, heighten the tension.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward, revealing new challenges and escalating the stakes for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns, such as McClane's injury and escape tactics. The audience is kept on the edge of their seats.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between McClane's belief in justice and the terrorists' belief in violence. This challenges McClane's values and forces him to confront his own morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and anxiety to determination and relief.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, adding to the tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, suspenseful atmosphere, and high stakes. The audience is invested in McClane's survival and rooting for him to succeed.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspense. The rhythm keeps the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively builds tension and suspense as McClane is pursued by the terrorists on the 37th floor and then makes his escape into the stairwell.
  • The use of sound cues, such as the clattering noise and the lamp being knocked over, adds to the intensity of the scene.
  • The visual description of McClane's injury and his resourcefulness in using a piece of glass to extract the glass from his foot adds depth to his character.
  • The scene effectively transitions between different locations, such as the police trailer with Powell and the 38th floor where the terrorists are tracking McClane.
  • The discovery of the box of maxi-pads in the desk drawer adds a touch of humor and humanity to the intense situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal monologue or dialogue from McClane to provide insight into his thoughts and emotions during the intense moments.
  • Explore the use of lighting and shadows to enhance the atmosphere of suspense in the stairwell and office area scenes.
  • Continue to develop the dynamic between McClane and the terrorists, showcasing their cat-and-mouse game in a way that keeps the audience engaged.
  • Consider incorporating more sensory details, such as sounds and smells, to immerse the audience in the environment and heighten the tension.
  • Ensure a smooth transition between the different locations and characters to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.



Scene 23 -  The Blinding Spotlight
234 EXT. NAKATOMI - HUGE SPOTLIGHT - SAME 234
A huge spotlight is brought into position a half-block away
from the building. We NOTICE several more — their generators
rumbling. Suddenly their beams are turned on, increased in
intensity and pointed to the building. The reflection off
the glass is incredible, blinding.
)'
/ 235 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 235
Hans notices the growing illumination and goes to the window,
carefully looking out. The entire front of the building is
whited out. He picks up his CB.
236 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 236
Karl and Franco moving carefully down the stairwell. Their
. CB crackles to life.
HANS' VOICE
(on CB)
1
The police are moving.
i
( 237 INT. 38TH FLOOR 237
McClane unwraps a maxi-pad and tapes it tightly to the
bottom of his cut foot. He tests it gingerly on the carpet —
it's painful, but serviceable. Looking up he notices the
intensity in the lights outside. McClane picks up his CB.
MCCLANE
AI?
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Right here, partner. I thought
we'd lost you.
• MCCLANE
You almost did. I'm going to
be limping for a while. What's
f* going on down there?
238 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SIDEWALK - ON POWELL 238
Around him the activity with the huge spotlight is apparent.
„00 (CONTINUED)
A98
68

238 CONTINUED: 238

POWELL
Just sit tight. We're just
adding a little light to see by.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Listen to me! If you're getting
ready to try something, don't.
This is what they want!
239 INT. HANS' OFFICE - ON HANS - SAME 239
at the window, looking out. He can't see anything — total
whiteout. Instead of panic however he senses a confrontation
and it excites him. He smiles and steps into the hall.
HOLLY
? (to Hans)
/ What's going on?
HANS
The child is about to touch
the stove.
240 EXT. CENTURY CITY APARTMENT BUILDING - SAME 240
/0fe\
Two SWAT officers, with blackened faces and carrying
equipment bags, move quickly through the lobby of a nearby
apartment building and enter Lobby elevator.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane warns Powell that the intense spotlight the police have brought is exactly what the terrorists want, but Powell dismisses his concerns. Meanwhile, Hans senses a confrontation approaching, while SWAT officers prepare to enter the Nakatomi building.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Occasional lack of subtlety in character interactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and propels the story forward with significant developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed effectively, creating a thrilling and suspenseful atmosphere.

Plot: 9

The plot is intricate, with multiple layers of conflict and escalating stakes that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the action genre by focusing on the protagonist's internal struggles and moral dilemmas amidst a high-stakes situation. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, each with their own motivations and dynamics that add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Several characters undergo changes in their beliefs and actions, particularly McClane and Powell, as they navigate the dangerous situation.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect others in the face of danger. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and to prove himself as a capable hero.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to thwart the terrorists' plans and save the hostages. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and multi-layered, with both external and internal conflicts driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing significant challenges and obstacles that add to the uncertainty of the situation.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with lives on the line and the threat of a terrorist attack looming, creating a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly advances the plot, introducing new challenges and escalating the conflict to a critical point.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters and the unexpected actions taken by both the protagonist and the antagonists.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between McClane's belief in doing what's right and the terrorists' ruthless pursuit of their goals. This challenges McClane's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and tension to relief and determination, keeping the audience emotionally invested.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and reveals important information about the characters and their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high tension, suspenseful dialogue, and the imminent threat faced by the characters.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear progression of events and character actions.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension despite the high stakes of the situation. The use of a huge spotlight to blind the building feels disconnected from the main conflict and does not add to the suspense.
  • The dialogue between McClane and Powell is somewhat generic and does not effectively convey the urgency of the situation. There is a missed opportunity to build tension through their communication.
  • Hans' reaction to the blinding lights and his excitement for a confrontation could be further developed to enhance the sense of danger and anticipation.
  • The transition between different locations and characters is abrupt and could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • The visual description of the blinding lights and the SWAT officers entering the building could be more vivid and impactful to create a stronger visual impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider reworking the use of the spotlight to make it more directly connected to the main conflict and increase the tension in the scene.
  • Enhance the dialogue between McClane and Powell to reflect the urgency and high stakes of the situation, adding more depth to their communication.
  • Further develop Hans' reaction to the lights and his anticipation for a confrontation to heighten the sense of danger and suspense.
  • Smooth out the transitions between different locations and characters to improve the flow of the scene and maintain the reader's engagement.
  • Revise the visual descriptions to create a more vivid and impactful imagery, enhancing the overall atmosphere and tension of the scene.



Scene 24 -  SWAT Assault Under Fire
241 EXT. ADJACENT BUILDING - ROOF - SAME 241
Another PAIR of SWAT OFFICERS move to a point on the roof
of another building and peer over the edge at the brilliantly
lit Nakatomi building. THE SPOTTER stares through an infrared
scope at the Nakatomi roof while the other officer, THE SNIPER
sets up his rifle.
242 EXT. CENTURY CITY - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON - 242
POLICE BARRICADES
Mitchell listens to a CB radio then looks at Robinson, who
is visibly tense.
MITCHELL
We're in position.
Robinson hesitates, then gives his approval with a nod.
MITCHELL
(to CB)
Go.




A98
69

243 ANGLE ON TWO SWAT OFFICERS 243
/9&\
{ They sprint unmolested to the bars covering the garage doors.
Mitchell and Robinson watch from behind the cover of a police
car as one of the SWAT officers removes a portable welding
torch and begins cutting his way through the lock.
244 INT. 38TH FLOOR - MCCLANE 244
He moves painfully to the window and looks out. He can't
see a thing because of the lights.
MCCLANE
(to himself)
No...
245 EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON 245
Suddenly rifle fire sounds from the building.
ROBINSON
(worriedly)
They're shooting at them.
MITCHELL
(calmly)
It's panic fire...they can't see
f* anything.
More shots ring out from the building going over the SWAT
officers' heads and suddenly the huge dome of one of the
spotlights shatters behind Mitchell and Robinson's head.
The glow fades. A moment later the next light twenty feet
away dies.
ROBINSON
They're going after the lights!
The two SWAT officers cutting the garage gate suddenly look
up as their cover starts to disappear.
ROBINSON
Call them back.
MITCHELL
No, they're almost in.
Suddenly the third and fourth lights are shot out and the
SWAT men become sitting ducks.
246 INT. 3RD FLOOR 246
{ The terrorist marksman, Alexander, on the third floor draws
a bead through his scope and hits one of the officers in the
leg, then hits 'the second one in the chest.

A98
70
247 EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON MITCHELL AND ROBINSON 247
P MITCHELL
(on radio)
Send up the car!
An armored car wheels toward the building and starts toward
the wounded men.
248 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 248
From his vantage point he watches the action. At the sight
of the armored car he lifts his CB.
HANS
They're sending in the car.
249 INT. ROOF-MACHINE ROOM/SERVICE ELEVATOR - SAME 249
JAMES quickly loads two small crates onto the service
elevator and pushes the button for the 3rd floor. As the car
starts down, he removes an anti-tank gun from one of the crates.
250 INT. 38TH FLOOR - SAME 250
McClane HEARS the sound of the ELEVATOR MOTOR running coming
down from the roof. He picks up his CB.
V MCCLANE
AI, what's happening out there?
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
They're kicking our ass down here.
We've got two men down and we're
going to have to send in a shield
to get them out.
MCCLANE
That's what they want.
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Hey, man we aren't going to let them
sit out there!
251 INT. 3RD FLOOR - SAME 251
The service elevator arrives on the third floor and James
moves across the room toward the windows with the anti-tank
weapon. At the window, Alexander puts down his rifle and
takes the weapon from James.
/fM;i\

( CONTINUED)



A98
71
251 CONTINUED: 251
/fiwlfP\

Outside the window the armored car has stopped in front of
the wounded men and paramedics quickly load them in from the
sheltered side of the vehicle. Alexander quickly sights on
the armored car.
ALEXANDER
(to Hans, CB)
I have them.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s., over CB)
Fire.
252 EXT. THE ARMORED CAR 252
A blast ROARS from the third floor window and the shell hits
j the armored car. The car pitches forward like a beast whose
1 front legs have been shot out from under it — its front axle
destroyed, unable to move. Alexander looks back at James and
grins.
253 32ND FLOOR - HANS 253
He watches from his window. Coldly picks up his CB.
f^ HANS
Hit it again.
254 MCCLANE 254
listening. He picks up his CB.
MCCLANE
Hans, you motherfucker, you've
made your point. Let them pull
back!
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
No, Mr. Barefoot man, there's more
to teach them.
McClane slumps to the floor below the window. He feels
helpless, then notices his kit bag.
255 3RD FLOOR 255
James runs back to the crate "on the elevator.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary SWAT officers face gunfire while attempting to enter the Nakatomi building. McClane and the police respond, but Hans escalates the conflict by targeting the armored car sent to assist the SWAT team.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • High stakes
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Strategic maneuvers
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Predictable character actions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is packed with tension, action, and high stakes, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is engaging and well-executed.

Plot: 9

The plot is fast-paced, filled with twists and turns, and keeps the audience engaged throughout.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the action genre by focusing on the psychological and moral dilemmas faced by the protagonist, adding authenticity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and conflicts driving their actions.

Character Changes: 7

McClane undergoes a transformation as he faces increasing challenges and danger.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect innocent lives and stop the terrorists, reflecting his deeper desire for justice and safety.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to neutralize the threat posed by the terrorists and save the SWAT officers in danger.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between the protagonist and the antagonists is intense and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing significant challenges and obstacles that keep the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high, with lives on the line and a battle for survival unfolding.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward with new revelations, escalating tension, and strategic developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the escalating conflict.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in protecting lives and the terrorists' disregard for human life, challenging his values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The high stakes and intense action sequences evoke strong emotions in the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and serves to build tension and reveal character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and emotional intensity.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear descriptions and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear focus on the main character, John McClane, and his actions. There is a lot of emphasis on the SWAT officers and their activities, which detracts from the tension and urgency of McClane's situation.
  • The dialogue between Powell and McClane feels disconnected from the action happening in the building. There is a lack of direct communication between McClane and the police officers on the ground, which could heighten the suspense and stakes of the scene.
  • The visual descriptions are lacking in detail, making it difficult to visualize the setting and the characters' actions. More vivid and descriptive imagery could enhance the reader's engagement with the scene.
  • The conflict between the SWAT officers and the terrorists is not fully explored or resolved in this scene, leaving the reader with a sense of unfinished tension. The resolution of this conflict could add depth to the overall narrative.
  • The pacing of the scene feels disjointed, with abrupt shifts between different locations and characters. A smoother transition between the various elements of the scene could improve the flow and coherence of the storytelling.
Suggestions
  • Focus more on John McClane's perspective and actions to heighten the tension and urgency of the scene.
  • Integrate the dialogue between Powell and McClane more seamlessly with the unfolding events in the building to create a stronger connection between the characters.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to provide a clearer picture of the setting and the characters' movements and emotions.
  • Develop the conflict between the SWAT officers and the terrorists to a more satisfying resolution, adding depth to the scene.
  • Improve the pacing by creating smoother transitions between different locations and characters, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.



Scene 25 -  Explosive Showdown
256 EXT. POLICE BARRICADES - ON ROBINSON AND MITCHELL 256
They look on in horror as the armored car sits helplessly on
fire. On the police radio channel we HEAR the screams of
men inside.

AS8 (CONTINUED)
72

256 CONTINUED: 256
Z^5**,
MITCHELL
(to radio)
Davis! Jimenez!...Report...
DAVIS
(voice over; on
radio, yelling)
This is Davis. We've got one
dead. Everybody's hit. Jimenez's
bleeding bad. We've got to get
the fuck out of here!
MITCHELL
(to radio)
Davis, hang on! That's an order!
Hang on, we'll get you out.
• 257 INT. ELEVATOR CAR - 3RD FLOOR - SAME 257
/
James opens the box of shells and takes two and starts back
across the room.
258 INT. 38TH FLOOR - CLOSE ON A SHAPE OF PLASTIC 258
EXPLOSIVE - SAME
f^1 Like a football. It sits on the seat of a secretary's chair
with castors. We PULL BACK TO SEE McClane press three
detonators into the top, then cover the explosive with a
typewriter, tying it securely in place with electrical cords.
259 ANGLE ON SERVICE ELEVATOR - MCCLANE 259
wheels the chair to the service elevator, opens the door and
blocks them with a fire ax. He looks in — the top of the
car can just be seen thirty five floors below.
260 INT. 3RD FLOOR 260
James hands the shell to Alexander, who expertly loads it
into the anti-tank gun. Through the window we SEE a second
armored car roll into position next to the other. Alexander
lifts the anti-tank gun to his shoulder and aims.
261 INT. 38TH FLOOR 261
McClane pushes the chair into the shaft.
MCCLANE
Geronimo...motherfuckers.
[ For a long moment there is nothing, then: the shaft is filled
with light, then SOUND — an ungodly ROAR — and McClane is
thrown back across the elevator corridor against the other
bank of doors by the concussion wave.

A98
73

262 ON THE '3RD FLOOR 262
The explosion, like a firestorm, rips across the floor:
263 BLOWING OUT THE MACHINE GUN NEST AND JAMES AND 263
ALEXANDER
264 SHATTERING WINDOWS 264
265 SENDING DESKS, CHAIRS, PHONES, AND TYPWRITERS 265
FLYING
266 EXT. AVENUE OF THE STARS 266
The police take cover behind their cars. Powell, Robinson,
and Mitchell look like they've seen the face of God as the
building rocks from the blast. Henry's cigarette falls from
his mouth as a desk is sent hurtling across Avenue of the Stars
into the trees across the street.
267 INT. UNDERGROUND PARKING GARAGE - ON WILLIAM - SAME 267
watching it on TV, feeling it all around him.
WILLIAM
Oh, Jesus...
268 EXT. DOWN THE STREET - SAME 268
Dick Thornburg's crew is taping.
THORNBURG
(in awe)
Unreal.
(to the cameraman)
Did you get all that?
CAMERAMAN
Yep.
Thornburg looks at his competitors still setting up.
THORNBURG
Eat your fucking heart out
Channel Four.
269 ON HOSTAGE FLOOR 269
The hostages are shaken and the remaining terrorists, Fritz
and Franco", aren't too sure of themselves either. Only
Hans is relatively calm.
f* FRANCO
They're firing at us.
(CONTINUED)

A98
74

269 CONTINUED: 269

HANS
It's not the police...it's him.
270 ANGLE ON HOLLY 270
She comforts an older woman.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary An armored car is engulfed in flames outside of a building as McClane sets up and detonates an explosive inside, causing a massive explosion that destroys a machine gun nest and kills two terrorists. The blast sends debris flying and shatters windows, leaving police officers stunned. McClane successfully weakens the terrorists' position, intensifying the conflict between them.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Complex plot twists
  • Strong character dynamics
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel cliched or predictable
  • Certain character actions may seem unrealistic or exaggerated

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and unexpected developments. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its fast-paced and dramatic events.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed with precision, showcasing strategic thinking, survival instincts, and intense confrontations.

Plot: 9

The plot is intricate and well-developed, with multiple layers of conflict, escalating stakes, and surprising twists that drive the narrative forward with a sense of urgency.

Originality: 9

The scene features a fresh approach to the action genre, with unique elements like the use of explosives and anti-tank guns. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the realism of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with distinct motivations and actions that drive the plot forward. The hero's determination and the villains' ruthlessness create compelling dynamics.

Character Changes: 7

The hero undergoes a transformation from a vulnerable position to a strategic fighter, showcasing his resilience and determination. The villains also face setbacks and challenges.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is likely to save lives and stop the terrorists from causing further harm. This reflects his deeper desire to protect others and uphold justice.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to stop the terrorists and prevent the explosion from causing more damage. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing and the urgency of the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is filled with intense conflict, both physical and emotional, as the hero battles the terrorists, the police try to contain the situation, and the hostages face imminent danger.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing significant challenges and obstacles that keep the audience on edge.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with lives on the line, explosive confrontations, and strategic maneuvers that could determine the outcome of the hostage situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward significantly, with major developments, escalating conflicts, and unexpected twists that change the course of the narrative and raise the stakes.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns, as well as the high level of danger and uncertainty faced by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's sense of justice and the terrorists' disregard for human life. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values, as he must navigate the moral complexities of the situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, suspense, and empathy for the characters in peril. The high stakes and intense action create a sense of urgency and tension.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying tension, conflict, and character motivations effectively. It enhances the scenes and builds suspense through verbal exchanges.

Engagement: 10

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and fast-paced narrative. The reader is drawn into the chaos and danger of the situation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly handled, with a balance of action, dialogue, and description that keeps the reader engaged and invested in the outcome.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and effective use of scene transitions.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear progression of events and a focus on building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a sense of chaos and danger as the armored car is engulfed in flames and the men inside are heard screaming, creating a tense and urgent atmosphere.
  • There is a good use of parallel action between McClane setting up the explosive on the 38th floor and James loading the anti-tank gun on the 3rd floor, building suspense and anticipation.
  • The description of McClane setting up the explosive is detailed and vivid, creating a clear image of the scene and his actions.
  • The explosion itself is described with impactful imagery, conveying the destructive force and chaos it causes throughout the building and on the street below.
  • The reaction of the police officers, Thornburg's crew, and the hostages adds to the tension and chaos of the situation, showing the widespread impact of the explosion.
  • The scene effectively shifts between different locations and characters, building a sense of urgency and escalating the stakes.
  • The dialogue is minimal but impactful, with McClane's defiant 'Geronimo...motherfuckers' adding to his character's determination and resolve.
  • The scene ends on a cliffhanger with McClane being thrown back by the explosion, leaving the reader eager to see the aftermath and the resolution of the situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for McClane during the setup of the explosive to deepen his character development.
  • Ensure a smooth transition between the different locations and characters to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • Explore the aftermath of the explosion in more detail, including the immediate consequences for the characters involved.
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection or introspection for McClane after the explosion to show the impact of the events on him personally.
  • Continue to build tension and suspense in the following scenes by maintaining a sense of urgency and high stakes.



Scene 26 -  Clash of Authorities: McClane's Confrontation with Robinson
271 INT. 38TH FLOOR - MCCLANE - SAME 271
He sits up and lifts the CB.
MCCLANE
Hey, AI, you guys okay out there?
INTERCUT:
272 EXT. POWELL 272
on the street.
POWELL
(on CB)
Holy shit, man, what was that?
MCCLANE
One of their packets. Is the
building on fire?
POWELL
No, but they're going to have
to tear this sucker down and
build a new one. We got a report
from one of our spotters that you
got three with that blast.
MCCLANE
Three? Are you sure?
Before Powell can answer Robinson comes running up to him.
ROBINSON
Is that him?
POWELL
Yessir.
ROBINSON
(reaching for Powell's
CB)
/^vW^N.
Give me that thing.
(CONTINUED)



A98
75
272 CONTINUED: 272
(** ROBINSON (Cont.)
(angrily to McClane)
Now, listen to me, mister, I don't
know what your game is but you just
destroyed a building and put
hundreds of people's lives in
jeopardy. Now maybe you were
trying to help but we don't need
any more of that kind of cooperation.
I want you to put down your weapons
and retreat to a safe place. Do
you understand, me?
McCLANE
Who is this?
ROBINSON
J This is Deputy Chief of Police
t Dwayne T. Robinson. You are
interfering with police business.
McClane leans tiredly against the elevator door.
MCCLANE
Put AI back on, Dwayne.
/SfSN^

ROBINSON
No. I'm giving the orders here!
MCCLANE
Put the other guy on!
ROBINSON
Listen fuckhead — !
MCCLANE
(exploding)
No! You listen to me. You've got
at least six psychos holding thirty-
five people at gunpoint and they
just waxed your ass down there.
They've got enough explosives to
flatten this end of the city and
the balls to do it but what they
don't have is the means to detonate
it because of me. They're down to
half strength because of me. Are
they talking to you? Do you think
you can stop them down there?
C'mon, tell me, Dwayne!...Hell no!
.f* You're the fuckhead. You're.the
asshole! Now, put AI on, goddamnit!
McClane is so furious, he's out of breath.
A98
76
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Following an explosion, McClane checks on the officers before inquiring about the damage. Powell reveals the building's potential condemnation and McClane's neutralization of three terrorists. Robinson takes charge, reprimanding McClane and ordering his surrender. McClane argues his importance due to the ongoing hostage situation and explosive threat, demanding to speak with Powell again. Robinson dismisses him, leading to McClane's frustration.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • High-stakes conflict
  • Strategic planning
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some repetitive action sequences
  • Minor pacing issues

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and strong character dynamics. The dialogue is impactful, and the stakes are raised significantly.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed effectively, with strategic planning, intense action, and a sense of urgency.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene, with the introduction of new challenges, heightened stakes, and strategic moves by the characters to outmaneuver the terrorists.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the action genre by focusing on the communication and negotiation between the protagonist and law enforcement. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially John McClane and Deputy Chief Robinson, are well-developed and their interactions drive the scene forward. Their conflicting personalities and motivations add depth to the confrontation.

Character Changes: 8

John McClane undergoes a transformation from exhaustion to fury, showcasing his resilience and determination. Deputy Chief Robinson also experiences a shift in power dynamics during the confrontation.

Internal Goal: 9

McClane's internal goal in this scene is to protect the people in the building and stop the terrorists. This reflects his deeper need to be a hero and his fear of failing to save lives.

External Goal: 8

McClane's external goal is to communicate with the police and convince them to listen to him in order to prevent further disaster. This reflects the immediate challenge of dealing with law enforcement while trying to save lives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving physical confrontations, verbal clashes, and strategic maneuvers. The stakes are high, driving the tension throughout.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics between the characters that create uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with lives on the line, explosive action, and a battle of wits between the hero and the antagonist. The outcome will have a significant impact on the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict, introducing new challenges, and setting the stage for the final showdown between John McClane and the terrorists.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and the shifting power dynamics between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between McClane's belief in taking action to save lives and Robinson's adherence to police protocol and authority. This challenges McClane's values of heroism and quick decision-making.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly anger, defiance, and determination from the characters. The high stakes and intense confrontations heighten the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and reveals the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. It drives the conflict and showcases the power dynamics between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and the conflict between the protagonist and law enforcement.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is fast-paced and tense, with quick exchanges and escalating tension that drive the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene is standard for its genre, with clear scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear dialogue exchanges and escalating tension leading to a climax.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the physical layout and action taking place. It's not clear where McClane is situated and what exactly is happening around him.
  • The dialogue between McClane and Robinson feels forced and lacks authenticity. The exchange comes across as overly dramatic and unrealistic.
  • The conflict between McClane and Robinson is resolved too quickly and easily, without much tension or buildup.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to help the reader visualize the setting and actions more clearly.
  • The emotional intensity of McClane's outburst could be better conveyed through more nuanced dialogue and character interactions.
Suggestions
  • Clarify the physical setting and actions taking place to improve the scene's coherence.
  • Focus on creating more realistic and authentic dialogue between McClane and Robinson to enhance the emotional impact of the confrontation.
  • Build up the conflict between McClane and Robinson to create more tension and suspense in the scene.
  • Include more visual descriptions to paint a vivid picture of the setting and character movements.
  • Work on refining McClane's outburst to make it more impactful and emotionally resonant.



Scene 27 -  Tense Standoff and Urgent Action
273 INT. LIMO - WILLIAM - SAME 273
William nods in agreement.
WILLIAM
Tell 'em, John! Tell 'em!
274 INT. 38TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE 274
still seething. There is a long pause on the CB, then:
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Here you go. How're you feeling?
MCCLANE
(furious)
How the hell you think I'm feeling.
Who is that asshole?!
/ 275 ON POWELL 275
Other officers, including Robinson, monitor the conversation.
POWELL
(sharply)
Hey, don't draw me into that kind
of talk. You hear me? Now I know
you're wounded and tired and mad
as hell, but the last thing you
want to do is waste your energy
with some fat-assed, jerk-off,
dumb-as-shit deputy police chief.
You understand?
276 ON MCCLANE 276
He grins, and a little laugh escapes.
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
I say something funny?
MCCLANE
No, just nice to hear some common
sense.
277 ON POWELL 277
POWELL
Hang in there, man. Hang in there.
(** • MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s., tiredly)
Thanks, partner.
(CONTINUED)
A98
77

277 CONTINUED: 277
Powell hears McClane's line go dead. He puts down his phone
and sees Robinson staring at him.
ROBINSON
'Jerk-off, dumb-shit deputy chief
of police?'
POWELL
Sorry sir, I was just trying to
relieve some of the tension.
Robinson turns and leaves; Powell watches him and smiles to
himself.
278 INT. HOSTAGE FLOOR - HANS OFFICE - SAME 278
Hans, Franco, and Karl plotting strategy.
HANS
(to Karl)
Heinz is now on the fifth floor
covering the street. That leaves
Fritz on this floor with the hostages,
Uli on the roof, and you and Franco
to find him...Do it.
/0&\

279 ANGLE ON ELLIS AND HOLLY 279
outside of Hans' office. Ellis watches Franco and Karl
leave then looks back at Hans' office. Suddenly, he stands
and Holly looks at him like he was crazy.
HOLLY
What are you doing?
Fritz moves quickly across the room towards Ellis.
ELLIS
(to Holly)
I'm tired of sitting here getting
cramps on my legs waiting for the
cops or your husband to get us
all killed...
HOLLY
What are you going to do?
ELLIS
Hey, I just negotiated a $150,000,000
deal, babe...I think I can handle this.
f* (to- Fritz)
I want to talk to Hans.


A98
78

280 MCCLANE 280
sitting tiredly against the wall. Sweat runs down his face
and arms leaving streaks through the dirt. McClane watches
a drop fall to the floor.
MCCLANE
(to himself)
You assholes had to cut the air
conditioning off, didn't you?
He digs out his now crumpled and grease-stained photo of his
family. He wipes a smudge from the face of Holly and smiles
tiredly. Suddenly his CB crackles to life.
POWELL'S VOICE
(to McClane)
Hey, partner? How's it going?
MCCLANE
I'm hanging, man. I'm hanging
...You got any kids, AI?
INTERCUT:
281 POWELL ON STREET 281
POWELL
J0F?\ Expecting my first any week, now.
MCCLANE
Congratulations.
POWELL
Thanks. You?
MCCLANE
Two. And I sure want to see 'em
again.
282 CLOSE - A HAND WRITING A NOTE 282
It says: CHILDREN? We PULL BACK TO REVEAL Dick Thornburg.
He passes the note silently over to his assistant, MARY,
as they monitor the call.
283 MCCLANE 283
stares at his photo, when suddenly another VOICE besides
Powell's comes over his radio.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s. on CB)
Touching, Mr. McClane. Touching.
( The sound of his name startles him and for a moment McClane
stares at the radio.
(CONTINUED)

A98
79
283 CONTINUED: 283
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
John McClane are you listening?
McCLANE
(beat)
Yes.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
We have your colleague here...a
Mr. Ellis.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane is struggling, but Powell offers support. Hans, Franco, and Karl strategize. Ellis confronts Hans, ignoring Fritz. Hans taunts McClane with Ellis' capture, increasing tension and uncertainty.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional depth
  • Complex character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is packed with tension, action, and emotional depth, keeping the audience engaged and on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed with skill, adding layers of complexity with the negotiation and emotional elements.

Plot: 8

The plot advances significantly with the introduction of new challenges, character dynamics, and the escalation of the conflict.

Originality: 7

The scene introduces a familiar hostage situation but adds original elements through character interactions and dialogue. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with John McClane showing resilience and determination, Powell providing support, and the terrorists displaying cunning and ruthlessness.

Character Changes: 7

John McClane undergoes moments of reflection and determination, showcasing his growth and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect the hostages, reflecting his deeper need for redemption and to prove himself as a capable hero.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to outsmart the criminals and save the hostages, reflecting the immediate challenge he faces in the hostage situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and multi-layered, with physical confrontations, negotiations, and emotional stakes at play.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations between the characters that create tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high, with lives on the line, explosive threats, and a tense standoff between the protagonist and the antagonists.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward with significant developments, including the discovery of explosives, negotiation attempts, and strategic moves.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in character actions and dialogue, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is between McClane's sense of duty and the criminals' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's beliefs in justice and morality.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and fear to empathy and determination.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the tension and emotions of the scene effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between different locations and characters.


Critique
  • The scene starts with William encouraging Powell to talk to McClane, which seems a bit disconnected from the previous events and lacks a smooth transition.
  • McClane's anger and frustration are well portrayed, but the dialogue between him and Powell could be more impactful and intense to match the tone of the scene.
  • The interaction between Powell and Robinson feels a bit forced and could be more natural to enhance the authenticity of the conversation.
  • The sudden shift to Hans, Franco, and Karl plotting strategy feels abrupt and disrupts the flow of the scene, making it feel disjointed.
  • The dialogue between Ellis and Holly lacks depth and could be more emotionally charged to create a sense of urgency and tension in the scene.
  • McClane's moment of reflection with the photo of his family is a nice touch, but the transition to the CB radio conversation with Powell and Hans feels a bit rushed and could be smoother.
  • The introduction of Dick Thornburg and Mary monitoring the call adds an unnecessary element to the scene and could be omitted to maintain focus on the main characters and their interactions.
  • The revelation of Ellis being held hostage by Hans at the end of the scene is a good cliffhanger, but the buildup to this moment could be more suspenseful and engaging.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the opening of the scene to create a more seamless transition from the previous events.
  • Enhance the dialogue between McClane and Powell to intensify the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Work on making the interaction between Powell and Robinson more authentic and realistic.
  • Smooth out the shift between different subplots within the scene to maintain continuity and coherence.
  • Add more depth and tension to the dialogue between Ellis and Holly to increase the stakes and urgency of the situation.
  • Improve the pacing and flow of the scene by refining the transitions between different character interactions and plot developments.
  • Focus on the core elements of the scene, such as McClane's emotional journey and the escalating tension with the terrorists, to maintain a cohesive narrative.
  • Build up the suspense leading to the revelation of Ellis being held hostage to create a more impactful and gripping climax.



Scene 28 -  A Tense Standoff
284 INT. 32ND (HOSTAGE) FLOOR - ON ELLIS AND HANS - SAME 284
Ellis is being pampered by Fritz and Franco in Hans' office.
He has a cigarette, and a terrorist brings him a Diet Coke.
Hans hands the radio to Ellis. Karl watches quietly.
J HANS
/ (to Ellis)
Just act nervous.
Ellis nods and presses the TALK button.
ELLIS
(to McClane, on CB)
John?
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s., quietly)
How are you, Ellis?
ELLIS
All right...John, listen to me...
They want you to tell them where the
detonators are. They know people are
listening. They want the'detonators
or they're going to kill me.
Ellis looks over at Hans who gives him a "thumbs-up", he's
doing a great job.
285 INT. POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL, ROBINSON - SAME 285
and others listening intently.
286 ON MCCLANE 286
He closes his eyes and leans his head back again.
ELLIS' VOICE
John, are you listening?
/T^V MCCLANE
(to CB, quietly)
Yeah, I hear you.


A98
80

287 ON ELLIS (HANS' OFFICE) 287
ELLIS
Listen, I've been pulling for
you, man...But the police are
here now. It's their problem...
Tell these guys where the detonators
are so no one else gets hurt.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
I can't tell them, Ellis. I'd
have to show them. Then what?
You know what they'll do to me?
ELLIS
(becoming bullying)
Listen, John. If not for me, it
would be over for you already...
J I can end it all for you in two
/ seconds, if I want.
Hans reaches out his hand for the CB. Ellis gives it to him.
HANS
(to CB)
Mr. McClane, what Mr. Ellis is
^ obviously not making clear to
1 s
you is that if you do not yield
our equipment at once, we will
kill him.
He hands the radio back to Ellis, who takes a sip of his soft
drink, obviously untroubled by Hans' threat.
ELLIS
(quieter, more
confidentially)
By the way, did you ever get to
see the watch? I think you understand
what I'm talking about...I hope so.
While Ellis talks, Hans quietly takes out his Walther keeping
it out of Ellis' line of sight.
ELLIS
They're not kidding, John...
Say something...
288 CLOSE - MCCLANE • 288
He can hardly bring himself to say it. He knows they're not
z*5^- kidding, even if Ellis doesn't.
(CONTINUED)


A98
81
288 CONTINUED: 288
s$&\ MCCLANE
(to himself)
Forgive me, Ellis.
(presses the talk
button; to Ellis?
a beat)
I don't believe them.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Ellis is interrogated by Hans' men and McClane is forced to make a difficult decision to save his life.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable elements in the negotiation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with intense dialogue, escalating tension, and high stakes. It effectively conveys the urgency and danger of the situation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a hostage negotiation in a high-pressure environment is well-executed, with strong character motivations and conflicting goals driving the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot is gripping, with multiple layers of conflict and suspense driving the narrative forward. The scene advances the overall story arc and sets up future developments.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the hostage negotiation trope by focusing on the psychological manipulation between the protagonist and the antagonist. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add depth to the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their interactions are compelling. Their motivations, fears, and relationships add depth to the scene and drive the conflict.

Character Changes: 7

While there are subtle shifts in the characters' dynamics and motivations, the focus is more on the immediate actions and decisions they make in the negotiation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to survive and protect himself from the terrorists. This reflects his fear of death and desire to outsmart his captors.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to try to deceive the terrorists and buy time for himself and the police to come up with a plan to rescue him.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with conflicting goals, high stakes, and emotional tension driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a difficult choice and uncertain consequences.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with lives on the line, explosive devices in play, and a tense hostage negotiation that could have deadly consequences.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict, revealing new information, and setting up future confrontations and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected choices made by the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between Ellis' selfish desire to save himself and McClane's moral code of not giving in to terrorists' demands. This challenges Ellis' values of self-preservation and McClane's belief in doing what is right.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including fear, tension, and empathy for the characters involved. The high stakes and personal connections heighten the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and driving the negotiation. It adds to the overall tension and suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high tension, conflicting motivations, and suspenseful dialogue that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and suspense that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise action lines and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense negotiation scene in an action thriller genre, with clear character motivations and escalating stakes.


Critique
  • The scene lacks tension and urgency, considering the high-stakes situation McClane and Ellis are in.
  • Ellis' character comes off as unconvincing and lacks depth, making it hard for the audience to feel invested in his fate.
  • The dialogue between Ellis and McClane feels forced and unnatural, diminishing the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Hans' threat to kill Ellis lacks the necessary intensity and doesn't create a sense of imminent danger.
  • The scene could benefit from more dynamic interactions and a stronger sense of conflict between the characters.
Suggestions
  • Increase the tension by emphasizing the life-threatening situation Ellis is in and the urgency for McClane to act.
  • Develop Ellis' character further to make his predicament more compelling and engaging for the audience.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more authentic and emotionally resonant, capturing the gravity of the situation.
  • Enhance Hans' threat to make it more menacing and impactful, heightening the sense of danger for Ellis.
  • Consider adding more conflict and emotional depth to the scene to create a more gripping and suspenseful moment.



Scene 29 -  Deadly Ultimatum
289 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 289
Ellis looks at Hans and shrugs, "Well, I tried..." Hans nods
understandingly. He takes the CB, presses the TALK button,
and in one frighteningly smooth motion brings the Walther up
to Ellis' forehead and pulls the trigger. ON SOUND OF THE GUNSHO
we:
CUT TO:
290 INT. 38TH FLOOR - MCCLANE - SAME 290
He was expecting it and still it chills him. The screams of
the hostages seem distant over the tiny radio speaker as we:
CUT TO:
291 32ND FLOOR - ON THE HOSTAGES 291
going crazy. They see Ellis' blood splattered on the glass
walls of the Hans' office.
292 INT. HANS' OFFICE - ON HANS 292
He throws open the door to let McClane and the police hear
the screams of the hostages.
HANS
Hear that? Talk to me, now,
Mr. McClane or shall I shoot
another one?

INTERCUT:
293 MCCLANE 293
MCCLANE
I need twenty minutes, maybe a
half an hour to get there.
HANS
Five.
/&R\
(CONTINUED)




A98
82

293 CONTINUED: 293
f\ MCCLANE
1
(hard)
Look asshole you can shoot the
whole goddamn floor — it can't
make m e move any faster. I'm
not in the b e s t shape anymore
and it's a long w a y o f f .
HANS
(beat)
Twenty m i n u t e s . But don't try
anything or we will shoot someone
else...perhaps, this time a w o m a n .
294 MCCLANE 294
He angrily throws his CB across the floor. He struggles to
pull himself to his feet when he h e a r s :
ROBINSON'S VOICE
(o.s.; furious; on
the CB)
M c C l a n e ? ! Is that your n a m e ? !
I know they can hear me b u t I
don't give a d a m n , you son of a
/^PPS, bitch. Everything that went
down between y o u and that punk
is on tape down h e r e . You let
that man d i e . N o w , I don't
care w h a t your story is or w h o
your friends a r e , if there's
a way to jam your ass in jail
I'm going to do it. You hear me?
McClane reaches the radio and turns it off.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Hans gives McClane five minutes to get to his office or he will shoot another hostage. Ellis is killed in front of the hostages on the 32nd floor, causing chaos. McClane is chilled by the gunshot and hears Robinson threatening to jam him in jail. The scene ends with McClane turning off the CB and preparing to face Hans.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Tense dialogue
  • Strong character development
  • High emotional impact
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, and drives the plot forward with significant character development and emotional impact.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-stakes hostage situation is well-executed with intense action and suspense.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the execution of Ellis, the negotiation between McClane and Hans, and the escalating conflict between the police and the terrorists.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the hostage situation genre by focusing on the psychological and moral complexities of the characters. The authenticity of the dialogue and actions adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, especially McClane and Hans, with their conflicting motivations and intense interactions driving the scene.

Character Changes: 8

McClane undergoes a transformation from a lone fighter to a strategic thinker, while Hans reveals his ruthless nature through the execution of Ellis.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and negotiate for time to save the hostages. This reflects his deeper desire to protect innocent lives and uphold his sense of justice.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to buy time and prevent further violence. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing a dangerous hostage situation orchestrated by the antagonist.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between McClane and Hans, as well as the escalating tension between the police and the terrorists, creates a high level of suspense and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the antagonist posing a significant threat to the protagonist's goals and forcing him to make difficult decisions under pressure.

High Stakes: 10

The high stakes of the hostage situation, the deadly standoff between McClane and Hans, and the escalating conflict raise the tension to a critical level.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by escalating the conflict, revealing character motivations, and setting up the next stage of the confrontation.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and unexpected twists in the negotiation process, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' next moves.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's values of justice and protection of innocent lives, and the antagonist's values of power and control through violence. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the face of extreme circumstances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions of fear, anger, and determination, especially with the chilling execution of Ellis and the intense standoff between McClane and Hans.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and impactful, effectively conveying the emotions and motivations of the characters in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high tension, moral dilemmas, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, maintaining a sense of urgency and momentum throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard format for its genre, effectively conveying the visual and auditory elements of the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense hostage negotiation scenario, with clear progression and escalating stakes.


Critique
  • The scene is intense and impactful, with the shocking and sudden death of Ellis at the hands of Hans. The tension is palpable as McClane and the hostages react to the gunshot.
  • The dialogue between McClane and Hans is confrontational and adds to the suspense of the scene. McClane's defiance and Hans' cold threats create a sense of urgency.
  • The visual of Ellis being shot and the aftermath with the hostages going crazy effectively conveys the chaos and danger of the situation.
  • The power dynamic between McClane and Hans is well portrayed, with McClane trying to negotiate for more time while Hans remains ruthless and in control.
  • The scene sets up a high-stakes situation with McClane needing to act quickly to save the hostages and navigate the dangerous game with Hans.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for McClane to further explore his mindset and motivations in this critical moment.
  • Enhance the impact of Ellis' death by showing more of the immediate aftermath and the reactions of the characters in the office.
  • Add a sense of urgency and tension by tightening the dialogue exchanges between McClane and Hans, emphasizing the stakes of the situation.
  • Explore the psychological impact of the hostage situation on both McClane and the hostages to deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Consider incorporating more visual cues or descriptions to heighten the suspense and create a vivid picture of the unfolding events.



Scene 30 -  Negotiations and Movement
295 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 295
Robinson hears the static over his radio and throws down the
headset. He stomps past P o w e l l .
POWELL
(flatly)
He's trying to survive.
Robinson wheels on him angrily.
ROBINSON
He as good as killed that m a n .
I told h i m , I'll tell you — I'm
^*SN going to dump his ass in jail.
Robinson keeps going.
(CONTINUED)

A98
83
295 CONTINUED: 295
' POWELL
YOu think he gives a shit?
Robinson stops at the door. The room falls silent..
POWELL
He's got no reinforcements and
twelve men with automatic weapons
after him. He's exhausted and
wounded and he's gotten no help
whatsoever from this department
and you really think he cares
what you're going to do to him if
he makes it out of there alive?
Robinson steps back into the trailer.
i ROBINSON
/ Anytime you want to go home,
Sergeant...consider yourself
dismissed.
They lock eyes.
POWELL
No Sir. You couldn't drag me
away.
296 EXT. WILSHIRE (KCBS MOBILE UNIT) ON DICK THORNBURG 296
- NIGHT
and his assistant Mary.
THORNBURG
(to Mary)
John McClane. I want to know
everything there is to know
about this guy. Check the
airlines, flights coming from
the East coast. Tell them you're
his mother. Tell them you're dying,
just find out.
She nods and leaves. He looks toward the building and smiles.
He is clearly in local news Nirvana.
THORNBURG
(to himself)
Goddamn, this is great stuff...
297 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 297
Across the trailer the OPERATOR monitoring the CB signals for
RobinsOrt.
(CONTINUED)
A98
84

297 CONTINUED: 297
OPERATOR
Chief, the terrorists are
calling for you.
Robinson grabs a headset.
ROBINSON
This is Robinson. Hans? You
want to talk?
INTERCUT:
298 INT. NAKATOMI/HANS' OFFICE - SAME 298
Hans sits in his office.
HANS
1
I I'm afraid that talking is out
i / of the question as long as you
have one of your operatives
in the building.
ROBINSON
Let me make this perfectly clear,
McClane is not attached to the
^ Los Angeles Police Department in
(, any way, shape or form. I give you
my word. Look, let's try to
settle this thing.
HANS
Perhaps we should both give up
something to get something.
ROBINSON
That's right, an act of good faith.
HANS
We are prepared to release three of
the hostages in exchange for the
return of the equipment, Mr. McClane
has taken.
ROBINSON
He's going after it now.
HANS
.1 don't believe him.
ROBINSON
/W\ Look, don't tie negotiations to a
variable I have no control over!
(CONTINUED)

A98
85
298 CONTINUED: 298
HANS
You have control over it.
Exercise it.
Hans turns off the radio.
299 ON ROBINSON 299
He is left alone on the line with this thought.
300 ON MCCLANE 300
He opens the stairwell door on the 39th floor and moves
carefully down a row of glass-walled offices. Suddenly his
CB crackles.
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
John?
McClane ducks into an:
301 OFFICE 301
and lifts the CB.
( MCCLANE
What's up, AI?
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Just calling to see how you're
doing.
MCCLANE
Don't babysit me, AI. I'm having
a hard enough time as it is.
302 ON ROBINSON AND OPERATOR 302
The OPERATOR listens via headset to the other channels with a
German INTERPRETER.
OPERATOR
We're picking up a lot of traffic
in German on channel twenty-six.
INTERPRETER
(listens, then to
Robinson)
They're going to try to use his
signal to find him.
(CONTINUED)

A98
86

302 CONTINUED: 302
ROBINSON
We'11 let him know on nine.
(to an Officer)
Where's Powell?
OFFICER
He's outside, Sir. Need me to
get him?
ROBINSON
(beat)
No...I'll get him.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Chief Robinson confronts Hans about McClane on CB, who demands the return of equipment in exchange for hostages. Robinson denies McClane's police affiliation, but Hans insists on his control over him. Powell contacts McClane, who cautiously navigates the building's glass-walled offices.
Strengths
  • Intense negotiation
  • High stakes
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8

The scene is intense, filled with conflict, and moves the story forward significantly. The negotiation adds depth to the characters and raises the stakes.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiation under extreme circumstances is well-executed, showcasing the power dynamics and the characters' motivations.

Plot: 9

The plot thickens with the negotiation, revealing more about the characters and their strategies. The scene advances the story and sets up future conflicts.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the hostage negotiation genre, focusing on the moral dilemmas and power dynamics between law enforcement and criminals. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with Deputy Chief Robinson and Hans displaying their contrasting personalities and motivations effectively.

Character Changes: 7

Deputy Chief Robinson's perspective on McClane shifts during the negotiation, showing a potential change in his attitude towards the situation.

Internal Goal: 8

Robinson's internal goal is to assert his authority and control over the situation, reflecting his need for power and justice. He is driven by a desire to bring the perpetrator to justice and protect the hostages.

External Goal: 7

Robinson's external goal is to negotiate with the terrorists and ensure the safety of the hostages. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of diffusing a dangerous situation and preventing further harm.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between McClane, the terrorists, and the police is heightened in this scene, especially during the negotiation. The tension is palpable.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics between Robinson and Hans. The audience is kept in suspense, unsure of how the negotiation will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with lives on the line, intense negotiations, and the threat of violence looming over the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing new information, escalating the conflict, and setting up future events.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected twists in the negotiation process. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Robinson's sense of duty and justice, and Hans' manipulative tactics. This challenges Robinson's beliefs in law and order, as he navigates the moral complexities of negotiation and power dynamics.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact is high, with the characters' desperation and determination shining through. The audience is invested in the outcome of the negotiation.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and tense, reflecting the high-stakes negotiation between Robinson and Hans. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions and intentions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high-stakes conflict, tense dialogue, and dynamic character interactions. The audience is drawn into the negotiation process and the unfolding drama.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic confrontation between Robinson and Hans. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness in building tension and suspense.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the high-stakes situation McClane is in.
  • The dialogue between Robinson and Powell feels flat and lacks the emotional depth needed for the scene.
  • The interaction between Hans and Robinson could be more intense and gripping to heighten the suspense.
  • The transition between different locations and characters could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to build up the conflict and suspense between McClane and the terrorists during the negotiation.
Suggestions
  • Add more tension and urgency to the dialogue between Robinson and Powell to reflect the high-pressure situation.
  • Enhance the interaction between Hans and Robinson to increase the suspense and showcase the power dynamics at play.
  • Consider tightening the pacing of the scene to maintain the audience's engagement and build up the suspense.
  • Explore ways to heighten the stakes and increase the emotional impact of the negotiation between McClane and the terrorists.
  • Ensure a seamless transition between different locations and characters to keep the audience invested in the unfolding events.



Scene 31 -  McClane Under Fire
303 EXT. POLICE TRAILER 303
Robinson exits the police trailer to tell Powell, then stops
on the bottom step. Powell is less than twenty feet away.
For a moment Robinson stands there, then he shakes out a
cigarette and walks in the other direction.
304 INT. OFFICE 39TH FLOOR - SAME 304
McClane in the office talking to Powell. As he talks he lifts
his cut foot, examines the bandage. It's bloodsoaked.
MCCLANE
Well, I needed a break anyway.
(grimaces at bandage)
What got you off the street, AI?
He puts his foot down, reaches into his kit bag, takes out his
spare magazine and begins re-loading it.
305 INT. STAIRWELL - SAME 305
Franco moving down the stairwell. Suddenly he hears McClane's
voice on his CB. He stops, directs the antenna.
306 MCCLANE 306
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
An accident...
MCCLANE
(grins)
The way you drive, I can see why.
POWELL'S VOICE
(beat, serious)
I shot a kid.
McClane's smile disappears-
(CONTINUED)

A98
87
306 CONTINUED: 306

MCCLANE
Sorry, man. I didn't mean to
make a joke of it.
307 STAIRWELL - ON FRANCO 307
He listens to McClane then turns to channel 26 and speaks in
German.
308 INT. LIMO - SAME 308
William turns the dial and hears Franco's conversation in
German. Concerned.
WILLIAM
I don't like this, man.
| 309 MCCLANE 309
/
He stops re-loading, concerned and puts the spare magazine
down on the edge of the table.
MCCLANE
Hey, AI, you know I haven't even
met you, but you don't seem like
/Ji^N
the kind of guy not to get back on
the horse.
POWELL
(defensively)
Yeah, well, I did...
310 STAIRWELL DOOR - 39TH FLOOR 310
The stairwell door opens and a Franco steps into the corridor on
39th floor. We can HEAR McClane's VOICE for the first time
without the radio.
311 MCCLANE 311
MCCLANE
What happened?
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
The next time...I was too careful
for my own good...and it cost me
a partner.
MCCLANE
/$ff^V Listen, AI...
(CONTINUED)


A98
88
311 CONTINUED: 311
/££^v POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Look, I don't need any advice —
MCCLANE
And I'm not giving any. The facts
are man, you•re a good partner.
You've kept me going and don't
you forget that.
SUDDENLY behind McClane we SEE Franco through the glass wall
of the office. He's only three offices away. He lifts his
radio and whispers in German.
312 POLICE INTERPRETER 312
INTERPRETER
/ He sees him.
/
313 ON WILLIAM 313
He can't stand it any longer. He throws up the volume on his
CB, presses his TALK Switch and yells.
WILLIAM
Look out, John!
314 ON MCCLANE 314
reacts to the William's warning and hits the floor just as a
burst of Franco's machine gun fire rips through the glass
partition and blows out the windows in front of him.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary Robinson approaches Powell but leaves. Inside, Powell reveals he shot a child. Franco overhears and alerts others in German. William warns McClane, saving him from Franco's gunfire.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Tense dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
  • Engaging plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements
  • Predictable character reactions

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and emotional depth. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats with its high stakes and dramatic developments.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed with skill, creating a gripping and suspenseful narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with multiple layers of conflict, escalating tension, and a clear sense of urgency driving the action forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the action genre by emphasizing character dynamics and emotional depth amidst the suspenseful plot. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-defined, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive their actions. McClane's determination and Powell's guilt add depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Both McClane and Powell undergo emotional changes in the scene, confronting their past mistakes and finding the courage to face the present danger. These changes add depth to their characters.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to support and reassure his partner, Powell, who is struggling with guilt and doubt. This reflects the protagonist's empathy and loyalty towards his colleague.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to survive and protect himself and others from the threat posed by Franco, a dangerous criminal. This goal reflects the immediate danger and challenges the protagonist is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with physical, emotional, and moral challenges facing the characters. The stakes are high, driving the tension to a peak.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a dangerous threat and internal conflicts that add layers of complexity to the narrative.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with lives on the line, a tense standoff between the hero and the villain, and the threat of imminent danger. The outcome will have a significant impact on the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward with significant developments, including the destruction of a machine gun nest, the death of terrorists, and the escalation of the conflict between the hero and the villain.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the sudden twists and turns, unexpected character actions, and the looming threat of danger.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's belief in loyalty and support versus Powell's guilt and self-doubt. This challenges the protagonist's values of camaraderie and trust.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions in the audience, from fear and anxiety to determination and shock. The life-threatening situation and emotional exchanges heighten the impact.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and driving the plot forward. The exchanges between McClane and Powell are particularly compelling.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and emotional character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and suspense, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, rising tension, and a cliffhanger ending that propels the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clear transitions between the different locations and characters, making it slightly confusing for the audience to follow.
  • The dialogue between McClane and Powell feels a bit forced and lacks depth, missing an opportunity to explore their relationship further.
  • The tension and urgency of Franco's presence in the stairwell could be heightened with more suspenseful buildup and visual cues.
  • The sudden burst of machine gun fire by Franco feels a bit abrupt and could benefit from a more gradual escalation of action.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding clearer scene transitions to indicate shifts in location and character focus.
  • Enhance the dialogue between McClane and Powell to delve deeper into their dynamic and add emotional depth to their interaction.
  • Build up the suspense and tension in Franco's presence in the stairwell by incorporating more visual cues and subtle hints of danger.
  • Gradually escalate the action leading up to the burst of machine gun fire to create a more impactful and intense moment.



Scene 32 -  Rooftop Showdown
315 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 315
Robinson comes up to Powell.
ROBINSON
Alert McClane. They're after him.
Suddenly both' men look up as bits of glass sparkle and fall to
the street like glitter in the huge spotlights.
POWELL
No lie.
316 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 316
McClane dives into another office across the hall just before
Franco cuts him off.
/f»!ft\
317 MCCLANE 317
checks his rifle — he's almost out of ammunition — and opens
his kit bag for the spare clip as we:
CUT T0:
A98
89
318 INSERT - THE SPARE CLIP 318
f*^ on the desk in the first office. It is picked up by Franco,
who smiles at his find.
319 ON MCCLANE 319
He moves quickly down the corridor to the stairwell and opens
the door REVEALING:
320 FRANCO 320
He stands in the stairwell his machine gun trained on McClane.
321 INT. POLICE TRAILER 321
The Interpreter looks at Powell and Robinson entering the trailer

INTERPRETER
They've caught him. They're taking
him to the roof.

322 STAIRWELL - ON FRANCO AND MCCLANE . 322
climbing. Franco listens to Hans on the CB.

(** HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
Wait for Karl. Don't take
him there alone.

FRANCO
Nein, nein...We are here.

323 INT. POLICE TRAILER 323

Robinson and Powell listening to the conversation.

ROBINSON
(on police radio)
All C-thirty three personnel
be sharp. Countdown starting
with four.
CUT TO:
324 EXT. ADJACENT BUILDING ROOF - NIGHT 324
A POLICE SNIPER (#1) brings up his high-powered rifle. His
C""* SPOTTER (#1) sits next to him with an infra-red scope and CB.




A98
90

325 HIS P . O . V . 325
/fl&?£\

Through infra-red scope. The door to the roof.

SPOTTER #1
One, clear.

326 EXT. ROOFTOP OF ANOTHER BUILDING - SAME 326

SNIPER (#2's) nest. The SPOTTER (#2) lifts his radio.


SPOTTER #2
Two clear —

327 INT. DOOR TO THE ROOF - STAIRWELL - SAME 327

McClane and the Franco reach the interior door that leads to
the roof. McClane is about to open it when Franco stops.

FRANCO
Stop...Turn around.

McClane does. Franco's eyes focus on McClane's detective
badge covered with dirt and blood. Franco unpins it from
McClane's shirt and wipes it clean.

328 SPOTTER #2'S P.O.V. 328

The door to the roof opens slowly and two men emerge. The
Spotter talks by headset.

SPOTTER #2
(voice over)
They're on the roof.

ROBINSON
(voice over)
Look for the badge.
329 SNIPER'S SCOPE P.O.V. (CROSSHAIRS) CLOSE ON 329
ytSIn^
MCCLANE'S BADGE
SNIPER #2
(voice over) . .-
I've got it...
(CONTINUED)
A98
91

329 CONTINUED: 329


We PULL BACK TO SEE Franco is now wearing the badge,
They continue toward the edge. McClane is limping
noticeably.

SNIPER #2
(voice over)
...and it's clean...From the
looks of it, though, he's
turned things around.


330 ON POWELL AND ROBINSON 330

listening, surprised.


SPOTTER #1
(voice over)
Spotter one, here, I've got
that too, Sir.

POWELL
(to Robinson
He would have let us know.
(into mike)
Is anyone limping?


SPOTTER #2
(voice over)
Yessir, the one in front.


POWELL
(to Robinson)
It's a trick.


But Robinson looks lost. Unsure.


POWELL
(forcefully)
It'.s a trick!




A98
92
331 EXT. NAKATOMI ROOF - ON MCCLANE AND FRANCO 331
f^ They reach the edge, there's nothing there. McClane acts
surprised.
MCCLANE
I left them right here...or maybe
they're over there.
Franco cocks his machine gun.
MCCLANE
Hang on...I just remembered...I've
got 'em in my pockets.
Carefully he reaches into a pocket and brings out a handful
of detonators. Franco takes them and presses his CB.
FRANCO
/ (to CB)
/ I've got them.
Hans' voice comes back.
HANS' VOICE
Good. Kill him.
/$Sf\ FRANCO
(to McClane)
Kneel.
332 INT. POLICE TRAILER 332
Robinson suddenly decides. He grabs his mike.
ROBINSON
All C-33 personnel, got that?
333 NAKATOMI ROOFTOP 333
McClane kneels in front of franco. The terrorist aims his
machine gun at McClane's head, then suddenly, without a sound,
Franco is blown backwards then sideways almost simultaneously,
as if hit by two invisible punches. McClane hits the ground
just as the:
334 ANGLE - ROOFTOP DOOR 334
swings open and Karl opens fire. More sniper shots send Karl
back inside. He closes the door and locks it.
335 MCCLANE 335
/lp^\

lies there a moment longer, then picks up Franco's CB.
"MCCLANE
AI?
A98 INTERCUT:
93
336 POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL 336

relieved.
POWELL
Right here, man. Jesus, that scared
the shit out of me.
MCCLANE
You and me both. I just want to say
thanks to the boys on the rooftops.
POWELL
(grins)
I'll pass that along.
MCCLANE
And to whatever jumped in back there.
337 INT. LIMO - ON WILLIAM 337
wiped out in the backseat. He clutches the stuffed animal in
a death lock. He's relieved to hear McClane's voice, then
leans forward. Hesitates, then presses the talk button.
WILLIAM
This is him.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
You got a name?
William hesitates, then picks up a fast food wrapper off the
front seat and smiles.
WILLIAM
Just call me Taco Bill.
338 ON MCCLANE 338
MCCLANE
(listening to the voice)
You sound familiar, Taco...
WILLIAMS' VOICE
No, man, you don't know me, I'm just
one of your underground supporters
watching this thing on TV.
MCCLANE
(realizing)
I'll be damned...William...
(presses button)
In stereo I bet.
/Wfty




A98
94

339 ON WILLIAM 339
yS$£?\
WILLIAM
(grins)
Dolby.
340 ON MCCLANE 340
MCCLANE
Thanks, man.
(to Powell)
Al? I think they've locked the door
on me.
Just then Hans' voice comes over the air.
HANS' VOICE
We have, Mr. McClane, but we'll be
back to kill you. Think about that
while you are out there in the cold.
341 EXT. CENTURY CITY - KCBS REMOTE - NIGHT 341
Dick Thornburg goes to a commercial. Mary comes over, smiling.
THORNBURG
I hope that smile means you've found
something.
MARY
(confidently)
I think we've got.a winner.
She smiles knowingly and pats a plain brown folder.
3 42 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 342
He sits in his office and looks through the open door at
Holly. She sits twisting the band of her watch.
HANS
A psychiatrist would probably say
that that action comes from some
deep worry or angst.
HOLLY
(cuttingly sarcastic)
I'd say I've approached those
feelings recently.
34 3 INT. BLACK AND WHITE POLICE CAR 343
Robinson sits in the backseat of a black and white police car
looking at some papers. Little•Johnson is already sitting there,
(CONTINUED)
A98
95

343 CONTINUED: 343
Big Johnson sits in the front. They're not going anywhere,
they're here to talk.
BIG JOHNSON
'Hans' is Hans Gruber. There's a
call out on him by Interpol. It's
our ballgame, Dwayne.
ROBINSON
(looking up)
I don't see any written authorization
here...
(tossing the
reports on the
seat)
When I see it, then it's your case.
He starts to open the door, realizes he's in a black and
white — no rear door handles — and looks back at the two
men.
LITTLE JOHNSON
(grins)
Cool down, Dwayne, you know
authorization's coming, 'problem
is it's an hour away...and we don't
have an hour.
Robinson eyes them suspiciously.
LITTLE JOHNSON
(seriously)
We're ordering an air strike at
five a.m.
ROBINSON
(stunned)
And you want me to go along with
that? What if it fails?
LITTLE JOHNSON
It won't. Thanxs to McClane,
they're down to four. They can't
cover the whole place. It'll be
over before they know what hit
them.
Robinson hesitates. He looks stunned.
/$$t\ (CONTINUED)



A98
96

343 CONTINUED: (2) 343
BIG JOHNSON
Gruber makes it our case, Dwayne.
We're just giving you a chance to
wipe some of the shit off your face
from that fiasco last night.
ROBINSON
(beat)
What about McClane?
LITTLE JOHNSON
He's wounded, we have it on tape
that they're going after him at dawn
...if a question should ever arise,
and it won't, we were giving him
air cover. We just can't tip the
hat by telling him.
Both men look at the deputy chief. Robinson closes the
folder on Gruber and thumps on the door.
ROBINSON
Get me out of this thing.

S0y\
The two agents share a smile.
BIG JOHNSON
That's what we're here for, Dwayne.
He gets out and opens Robinson's door.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Crime"]

Summary McClane is pursued by Franco on the roof of the Nakatomi building. As they reach the edge, McClane tricks Franco into revealing his true identity. Before Franco can kill him, an unseen assailant shoots McClane, causing Franco to be killed by police snipers. McClane is left trapped on the roof, but with the help of Powell and the snipers, he manages to survive.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Unexpected twists
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic or cliched

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is packed with tension, action, and unexpected developments, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a rooftop confrontation with high stakes and a countdown adds urgency and suspense to the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with McClane's confrontation with the terrorists, the police planning an air strike, and the unexpected sniper intervention.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the action genre by focusing on the protagonist's internal struggles and moral dilemmas amidst a high-stakes situation. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially McClane and the terrorists, show determination, fear, and strategic thinking, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

McClane shows resilience and determination in the face of danger, while the terrorists display ruthlessness and manipulation.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to survive and protect others from the terrorists. This reflects his deeper need for safety, security, and a sense of duty to protect others.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to outsmart the terrorists and prevent them from carrying out their plans. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing armed terrorists and saving lives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between McClane and the terrorists, as well as the impending air strike, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing armed terrorists, internal conflicts, and moral dilemmas. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of McClane's life, the impending air strike, and the countdown create a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward with key developments like the sniper intervention, police planning an air strike, and McClane's confrontation with the terrorists.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, turns, and character decisions that keep the audience guessing about the outcome. The element of surprise adds to the tension and excitement.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's values of duty, honor, and sacrifice, and the terrorists' values of power, control, and violence. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in justice and the greater good.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, anxiety, and shock in the audience, especially with the unexpected sniper intervention and the tense confrontation.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense, impactful, and reveals the characters' motivations and intentions effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and suspenseful atmosphere. The audience is drawn into the tension and urgency of the situation.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspense that keeps the audience engaged. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness in building tension.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, rising tension, and a climactic resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene lacks clarity in terms of the spatial layout and character movements. It's not clear how Franco cuts off McClane and how they end up in the stairwell.
  • The tension and urgency of the scene could be heightened by better pacing and more dynamic action sequences.
  • The dialogue between Franco and McClane feels a bit generic and could be more impactful to convey the high stakes of the situation.
  • The transition between different locations and characters could be smoother to improve the flow of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to delve deeper into the emotional and psychological aspects of the characters, especially McClane and Franco.
Suggestions
  • Provide clearer descriptions of character movements and spatial layout to enhance the visual storytelling.
  • Consider adding more suspenseful elements such as a countdown or a ticking clock to increase tension.
  • Revise the dialogue to make it more engaging and reflective of the characters' personalities and motivations.
  • Work on seamless transitions between different locations to maintain a cohesive narrative flow.
  • Explore the emotional depth of the characters to create a more compelling and immersive scene.



Scene 33 -  McClane's Descent
344 EXT. NAKATOMI ROOF - ON MCCLANE - PRE-DAWN 344
He goes through Franco's kit bag and removes his Beretta and
finds something else — another candy bar.
MCCLANE
Hot damn, Mars bars.
(savors a bite, then
presses CB)
Hey, Al?
INTERCUT:
345 POWELL 345
He looks up at the building.
POWELL
Merry Christmas, man. How was
your nap?
(CONTINUED)

A98
97
345
345 CONTINUED:
C MCCLANE
What nap? I was just rinsing out
a few things. What's going on down
there?
POWELL
Just the usual stuff...
MCCLANE
That's what you said the last time.
WILLIAM'S VOICE
And don't you believe it, either.
MCCLANE
You watching this, Taco?
/ 346 INT. LIMO 346
William watches the TV set in the limo, presses the Talk
Button on his CB.
WILLIAM
In color, John.
INTERCUT:
347 MCCLANE 347
MCCLANE
Talk to me.
WILLIAM
Well, they're not showing much but
they've brought in a lot of hardware.
POWELL"S VOICE
John, listen to me. The less you
talk about this the better.
MCCLANE
Talk about what, Al? Didn't you
tell me nothing is going on?
348 ON POWELL 348
POWELL
Okay, it is true we have SWAT personnel
here, but they are here in case of
emergency...Listen, John, I just talked
to them and they swore there would be
no ground assault.


A98
98
349 MCCLANE 349
He turns the corner and finds a metal cabinet (like the glass
ones on the lower floors) containing a fire hose. He pulls
out a foot of the canvas hose, then stops.'
MCCLANE
What about an air assault, AI?
POWELL'S VOICE
(beat)
No one's said anything about an
air assault.
MCCLANE
Put Robinson on to tell me that.
POWELL'S VOICE
It's not his show anymore, John.
?'
/ This hits McClane.
MCCLANE
Then who the hell's is it?
POWELL'S VOICE
(beat)
FBI's.
The word hit.McClane like they would any cop. It's a brand
new ball game.
MCCLANE
Taco?...
He yanks the heavy fire hose out of the cabinet and across
the roof toward the edge.
WILLIAM'S VOICE
Right here.
MCCLANE
I don't like the sound of this. Are
your eyes as good as your ears?
WILLIAM'S VOICE
Twenty twenty, boss.
MCCLANE
Keep 'em glued to that screen.
350 HANS' OFFICE 350
Karl comes to the 'door, Hans looks up from the CB.
(CONTINUED)
A98
99
350
350 CONTINUED:
HANS
^v They're getting ready to do something.
^ Get to the roof.
351 MCCLANE 351
removes Franco's belt, then cuts a crude harness out of the
dead man's kit bag.
352 ANGLE ON MCCLANE 352
as he leans over the roof and focuses on the large plate
windows of the floor below (40th). He carefully measures off
the hose, then looks over the side one more time. The drop
again gets to him this time. He straightens up quickly.
MCCLANE
(to himself)
What the fuck am I doing?
Suddenly he stops his work and listens.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary John McClane discovers a Mars bar in Franco's kit bag. He then uses the CB radio to connect with Al Powell and William. Powell informs McClane that the FBI is currently in charge of the situation. Despite McClane's concerns about a potential air assault, Powell fails to provide a clear answer. McClane overhears conversations via television in William's limo that confirm the FBI's involvement. Overcoming his fear of heights, McClane deploys a fire hose to descend to the 40th floor, ready to confront the terrorists.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Suspenseful dialogue
  • High stakes
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and dramatic moments that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a rooftop standoff between the protagonist and the antagonists is well-executed, adding to the overall tension and suspense of the scene.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene as McClane faces off against the terrorists on the rooftop, leading to a crucial turning point in the story.

Originality: 8

The scene is original in its depiction of a high-stakes situation and the protagonist's struggle to survive. The dialogue feels authentic and the actions are believable.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially McClane and the terrorists, are well-developed and their interactions drive the tension and conflict in the scene.

Character Changes: 7

McClane undergoes a transformation as he confronts the terrorists on the rooftop, showing his bravery and determination to save the hostages.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to survive and protect others in the face of danger. This reflects his deeper need for security and safety.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to thwart the plans of the terrorists who have taken over the building. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with McClane facing off against the terrorists in a life-threatening situation, leading to intense action and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple challenges and obstacles that keep the audience guessing.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are extremely high in this scene, with McClane facing off against the terrorists on the rooftop in a life-or-death situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward as McClane takes action against the terrorists, leading to a crucial turning point in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the protagonist's actions and the unfolding of the plot.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

There is a philosophical conflict between McClane's belief in justice and the terrorists' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's values and worldview.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and anxiety in the audience, creating an emotional connection to the characters and their struggles.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is intense, suspenseful, and impactful, adding depth to the character interactions and driving the conflict forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action and high stakes. The dialogue and tension keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a sense of urgency and building suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear action lines and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and setting up the conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear sense of urgency and tension considering the high-stakes situation McClane is in.
  • The dialogue between McClane and Powell feels somewhat casual and lacks the intensity that should be present in a critical moment like this.
  • The transition between different locations and characters could be smoother to maintain the flow of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to build up the suspense and danger of McClane's actions on the roof, which could have added more excitement to the scene.
  • The interaction between McClane and William in the limo could be more impactful and engaging to enhance the connection between the characters.
Suggestions
  • Add more urgency and tension to the dialogue between McClane and Powell to reflect the gravity of the situation.
  • Consider tightening the pacing of the scene to maintain a sense of suspense and keep the audience engaged.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of McClane's actions on the roof to create a more vivid and intense image for the readers.
  • Explore ways to heighten the emotional impact of the scene, especially in the interactions between characters like McClane and William.
  • Ensure a seamless transition between different locations and characters to improve the overall coherence of the scene.



Scene 34 -  McClane's Rooftop Battle
353 INT. LIMO 353
William is running through the channels. Suddenly he stops
and picks up his CB.
f* 354 EXT. NAKATOMI ROOF 354
McClane stares out toward the horizon. In the darkness the
lights — three helicopter gunships, flying in tight
formation. His radio crackles.
WILLIAM'S VOICE
John! —
MCCLANE
I see them.
(to AI)
Now what do you say, Al? Those
traffic helicopters?
355 INT. POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 355
He is stunned to hear this. He asks out loud to the video
technicians.
POWELL
Is anyone picking up helicopters?
A TECHNICIAN at the far end turns.
TECHNICIAN
f*^ I've got them.
Powell moves quickly to the technician's video screen. Sure
enough, he sees the lights of incoming helicopters. The sight
stuns him.
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356 INT. MACHINE ROOM (LOWER ROOF) - SAME 356
Karl rips the top off a crate and removes a lethal Stinger
missile launcher.
357 INT. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 357
Just then Robinson and Little Johnson step inside. Powell
turns on Johnson.
POWELL
What the hell you doing?
LITTLE JOHNSON
If he knew about them, he would have
tipped off the terrorists.
POWELL
(hard)
You sonofabitch. You've left him
up there to fry.
358 EXT. THE ROOF - ON MCCLANE - SAME 358
He struggles into his make-shift harness and moves to his
position at the edge of the roof behind the big NAKATOMI
letters.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
Taco?
WILLIAM'S VOICE
Right here, John.
MCCLANE
Listen carefully...
CUT TO:
359 INT. LIMO 359
William climbs into the front seat of the limo and starts
the engine. He gives it a couple good revs and looks over
his shoulder at the stuffed animal — it's buckled in.
WILLIAM
Hang on, man.
360 EXT. ROOF 360
McClane looks back toward the helicopters on the horizon...
•They are closing fast, less- than a half-mile away. The first
helicopter lowers its nose and starts to dive.
(CONTINUED)
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360 CONTINUED: 360

MCCLANE
( t o CB)
Okay...Now!

361 INT. LIMO 361
William backs out of his parking place and puts it in drive.
He opens a tape case and frantically searches through his
collection of RAP cassettes as he speeds through the garage
toward the gates.
WILLIAM
(counting to himself)
Ten, nine, eight, seven...
362 EXT. ROOF 362
i
( McClane turns the CB to channel 26, turns up the volume and
throws the CB in the direction of the elevator tower. The
door to the roof starts to open and McClane fires a quick
burst forcing the terrorists back inside.
3 63 INT. LIMO 363
William suddenly pulls a tape from the case and his fingers
whip it into the cassette deck in the car stereo.
WILLIAM
...Three, two, one.
He cranks up the volume and presses the TALK BUTTON on his
CB.
364 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 364
Hans at the window. He watches the helicopters approach and
starts to tlak into his radio when suddenly his CB starts
blaring William's LOUD RAP MUSIC.
365 EXT. THE ROOF - CLOSE ON MCCLANE'S RADIO - SAME 365
BLASTING the same LOUD MUSIC as we:

CUT TO:
366 INT. LIMO 366
racing head on toward the gate. William braces for impact.
(CONTINUED)



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366 CONTINUED: 366
( WILLIAM
Well, here goes my raise...
And he CRASHES THROUGH THE GATE just as we:
CUT TO:
367 EXT. ELEVATOR TOWER 367
As the first cannon rounds from the helicopter drown out the
song and rocks spew up all around the elevator tower. The
gunship passes overhead and one of the terrorists steps out
and fires at McClane.
368 MCCLANE 368
takes cover behind the NAKATOMI sign.
' 369 HELICOPTER #2 369
dives to attack.
370 THE DOOR TO THE ELEVATOR TOWER 370
suddenly cracks open and a column of smoke, stiff as a
f* flagpole, rises into the sky.
371 CLOSE ON MCCLANE 371
realizing what's happened.
MCCLANE
No!
372 HELICOPTER #2 372
as the missile hits and the helicopter explodes — sending
parts falling to the street and adjacent rooftop.
373 MCCLANE 373
fires at the door driving the terrorists back inside, then
looks up at:
374 HELICOPTER #1 374
for a moment the other helicopter hesitates as if deciding
whether to attack again.

/flfi^S^
375 MCCLANE 375
watching the helicopter.
(CONTINUED)
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375 CONTINUED: 375
^ MCCLANE
(watching the helicopter)
Use your brains and get the fuck out
of here.

376 HELICOPTER #1 376

But the chopper lowers its nose and dives toward the building.

377 MCCLANE 377

turns back to the door; it starts to open.

MCCLANE
Shit.

He fires wildly at the doorway, forcing the two terrorists
to stay inside as:

378 THE HELICOPTER 378

makes a pass blowing the hell out of the tower, but not bothering
anyone inside. The helicopter turns and starts to come in again.

379 MCCLANE 379
/£$^N
( covers the helicopter's attack, then suddenly runs out of
ammunition. He reaches for the second magazine just as:

380 THE ELEVATOR TOWER DOOR 380

opens and Uli fires at him.

381 MCCLANE 381
as a bullet rips cleanly through his thigh and causes him to
knock the second magazine over the side of the roof. McClane
falls to the edge and watches the magazine disappear below.
382 THE HELICOPTER 382

starting its pass, but with no one to provide cover.

383 KARL 383

steps boldly into the doorway behind Uli with another Stinger
missile on his shoulder. He takes aim.

384 KARL'S P.O.V. 384

y<m\. The diving helicopter directly in his sights.




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385 MCCLANE 385
lying on the edge of the building. He focuses on the window
y below him and takes out his Beretta. As the helicopter comes
screaming in for its attack, McClane fires into the window.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane prepares for a helicopter attack on the roof while William distracts them with loud music. McClane shoots down one helicopter and distracts the other, but runs out of ammunition. Powell confronts Little Johnson about leaving McClane on the roof.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • High stakes
  • Suspenseful atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched action tropes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is action-packed, filled with suspense, and has high stakes, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a rooftop showdown with helicopters adds a thrilling element to the scene, increasing tension and excitement.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the intense battle, showcasing the protagonist's determination and the escalating conflict with the terrorists.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique elements such as the use of a CB radio, helicopter gunships, and a tense rooftop standoff. The dialogue and actions of the characters feel authentic and add to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially John McClane, show bravery and resourcefulness in the face of danger, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

John McClane shows resilience and determination, facing physical and emotional challenges during the battle.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect himself and others from the imminent danger posed by the terrorists and helicopters. This reflects his desire to survive and overcome the challenges he faces.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to stop the terrorists and helicopters from causing harm to himself and others. This goal is directly related to the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing on the rooftop.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between John McClane and the terrorists, as well as the helicopter attack, creates intense and gripping moments.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple challenges, including terrorists, helicopters, and a life-threatening situation.

High Stakes: 10

The high stakes are evident with the threat of the helicopters, the terrorists, and the danger faced by John McClane.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by showcasing the protagonist's actions and the escalating conflict with the terrorists.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, intense action sequences, and uncertain outcomes that keep the audience on their toes.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

There is a philosophical conflict between the protagonist's values of survival and the terrorists' values of causing destruction and harm. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs and values as he navigates the dangerous situation.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes fear, tension, and admiration for the characters' bravery, leading to an emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is focused on action and urgency, conveying the high-stakes situation effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and suspenseful moments that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining a fast pace, building tension, and keeping the audience engaged throughout.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre of action thriller, with a buildup of tension, escalating conflict, and a cliffhanger ending.


Critique
  • The scene is filled with tension and action, which is great for a climax, but it could benefit from more clarity in the action sequences.
  • There are a lot of quick cuts between different locations and characters, which can make it hard to follow the sequence of events.
  • The dialogue is minimal and could be used to enhance the tension and stakes of the scene.
  • The use of visual elements like the helicopters, gunfire, and explosions is effective in creating a sense of urgency and danger.
Suggestions
  • Consider slowing down the pacing slightly to allow for more clarity in the action sequences.
  • Add more dialogue to heighten the tension and provide insight into the characters' emotions and motivations.
  • Provide more context for the characters' actions and decisions to help the audience understand the stakes of the scene.
  • Ensure that the visual elements are clear and impactful, enhancing the tension and excitement of the scene.



Scene 35 -  Helicopter Explosion and McClane's Fall
386 INT. HELICOPTER - SAME 386
Inside the helicopter there is a split-second to realize the
inevitable, but not enough time to react as the second missile
is launched.
387 THE ROOFTOP 387
turns cherry red as THE HELICOPTER EXPLODES DIRECTLY OVERHEAD.
Flaming gas and chunks of metal come raining down onto the
roof.
388 MCCLANE 388
rolls off the side of the building, crashing full force
I through the window and into a:

389 INT. 4pTH FLOOR OFFICE 389
McClane clutches for a handhold as hunks of the destroyed
helicopter fall past the window. He grabs onto the desk leg
with one hand but the tension of the hose pulls him back
toward the window like a giant hand. With one hand he pulls
the strap to release the harness. Immediately losing his
grip on the desk the tension of the hose pulls him toward
the window, but the harness slips off just in time. He's in.
390 EXT. ROOF - MORNING 390
Karl looks out from the doorway at the wreckage and the
deserted rooftop. Nothing moves. Nothing could have survived
that crash. Only the 'K' remains of the NAKATOMI sign.
A half-mile away the third helicopter lands on the rooftop
of a nearby building. The remaining FBI troops climb out
and run for safety. Karl brings the CB to his mouth. Channel
26 is jammed. He turns to nine and his words are heard from
William's limo to Powell on the street.
KARL'S VOICE
McClane is dead.
391 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 391
Hans is watching the TV.




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392 ON SCREEN 392
We SEE a LONG SHOT of the Nakatomi rooftop. The smoldering
wreckage seems to be visual evidence of Karl's statement.
393 EXT. THE STREET - SAME 393
Powell watches in horror as final pieces of the helicopter
come raining down. Unwilling to give up he charges into:
394 INT. POLICE TRAILER 394
Technicians are rewinding and viewing the various tape of
the helicopter attack and the crashes.
POWELL
(to a technician)
Any sign of McClane?
1
/
TECHNICIAN
Nothing.
395 INT. 40TH FLOOR OFFICE - DAWN 395
McClane pulls himself into the room. He is shaken. Breathing
hard. He tears at his pants to reveal the leg wound. There
is too much blood to see it clearly.
/^\
He tries to wipe away the blood but the pain is so intense
he crumples up onto the floor writhing. Suddenly he sees
something across the floor.
396 CLOSE ON A DESK PHOTO 396
of a family. The glass shattered but the picture intact.
397 MCCLANE 397
he looks up on a credenza and sees other photos:
398 INSERT - PHOTOS 398
A boy playing baseball, a girl pushing a stroller. Anonymous
faces, but families.
399 CLOSE ON MCCLANE. 399
He closes his eyes.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary The second missile strikes the helicopter, causing it to explode and scatter flaming debris across the rooftop. McClane plummets from the building and crashes through a fourth-floor window, narrowly escaping being yanked back out by his harness. Meanwhile, Powell, refusing to believe McClane's death, scrutinizes the helicopter attack footage. McClane, finding a family photo, is reminded of his own family.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional impact
  • Character development
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be more nuanced
  • Some predictable plot elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is filled with intense action, high stakes, emotional moments, and significant character development, making it a compelling and engaging sequence.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a rooftop showdown between McClane and the terrorists, involving helicopters, explosions, and a dramatic rescue, is well-executed and keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the resolution of the rooftop confrontation, leading to a shift in power dynamics and setting up the final act of the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the action genre with its focus on character emotions and internal struggles amidst the chaos. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially McClane, undergo significant development during the scene, showcasing their bravery, determination, and resilience in the face of danger.

Character Changes: 8

McClane undergoes a significant transformation, from a lone fighter to a strategic thinker, showcasing his growth and adaptability in the face of adversity.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal in this scene is survival and overcoming the physical and emotional challenges he faces. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and to protect others, as seen in his actions throughout the film.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to escape the immediate danger and find a way to stop the terrorists. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict reaches a peak in the rooftop showdown, with intense physical and emotional confrontations between the characters, raising the tension to a climactic level.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing life-threatening obstacles and uncertain outcomes.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in the rooftop showdown, with lives on the line, explosive action, and the fate of the hostages hanging in the balance, creating a sense of urgency and danger.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by resolving key conflicts, introducing new challenges, and setting up the final act of the narrative, maintaining a strong narrative momentum.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and the outcome of the helicopter explosion.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict in this scene is the value of human life and the lengths one will go to protect it. This challenges McClane's beliefs about justice and sacrifice.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, including fear, suspense, and empathy for the characters, creating a powerful and memorable experience.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is tense and impactful, conveying the urgency and high stakes of the situation, but could benefit from more depth and complexity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, intense action, and emotional depth, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, building tension and suspense effectively to keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict effectively.


Critique
  • The scene starts with a dramatic and intense moment of the helicopter exploding over the rooftop, which is a great way to create tension and suspense.
  • The transition from the rooftop to McClane crashing through the window into the 4th-floor office is well executed and keeps the action flowing smoothly.
  • The description of McClane struggling to hold on to the desk leg while the tension of the hose pulls him back towards the window is vivid and creates a sense of urgency.
  • The visual of Karl looking out at the wreckage and declaring McClane dead adds to the suspense and leaves the audience wondering about McClane's fate.
  • The moment where McClane sees the family photo on the desk and is reminded of his own family adds depth to his character and humanizes him in the midst of the action.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for McClane as he struggles with the leg wound and the intense pain. This can help the audience connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • Provide more details about the aftermath of the helicopter attack, such as the reactions of other characters like Powell and the technicians in the police trailer.
  • Explore the impact of McClane's near-death experience on his mindset and motivations moving forward in the story.
  • Consider incorporating a moment of reflection or introspection for McClane as he looks at the family photos, delving into his inner thoughts and feelings about his own family.
  • Add a sense of closure or resolution to the scene by hinting at what McClane's next steps will be after surviving the helicopter attack.



Scene 36 -  Aftermath of the Explosion
400 EXT. NAKATOMI 400
William's battered limo is surrounded by SWAT officers. He
( is helped out of the car holding his hands up.

(CONTINUED)

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400 CONTINUED: 400

WILLIAM
Don't shoot! I'm one of us!
Taco Bill!
He sees the TV camera and waves.
401 INT. 37TH FLOOR - STAIRWELL DOOR - LATER 401
The stairwell door opens and McClane limps onto the 37th
floor toward the fort he constructed earlier. He stops at
a water fountain where he washes away the blood and dirt from
his leg.
402 CLOSE - HIS WOUND 402
A neat hole going through the outside of the thigh and coming
> out the back. The bleeding has stopped.
/
403 INT. HANS' OFFICE 403
Hans turns his CB to nine and speaks to the radio.
HANS
We must find the detonators. Go
^ office by office.
404 37TH FLOOR OFFICE 404
McClane goes to a desk and opens a drawer, looking for
something to re-bandage his foot. He finds nothing and
checks another — still nothing.
405 ANGLE ON INNER OFFICE 405
He moves to a desk in an inner office and suddenly spots a
TV set in the cabinet. Like a stone-age man suddenly placed
in the twentieth century, he reaches for it cautiously,
turns it on and watches it dumbly, turning down the volume.
406 CLOSE ON TV 406
Images flash by, a compilation of events of the last twelve
hours. A TV reporter — behind him police barricades.
Officers in bulletproof vests run hurriedly past him. We SEE
a night scene with the words: RECORDED EARLIER at the bottom
of the screen. The image shakes, the TV camera tilts up
quickly and we SEE the upper floors obscured in a huge cloud
of smoke — the elevator explosion.
f\ . (CONTINUED)




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406 CONTINUED: 406
Suddenly the TV picture shows a day shot of the same floors
with the words LIVE printed on the screen. It shows the
ring of destruction around the middle of the building.
407 ON MCCLANE 407
The extent of the damage stuns him.

MCCLANE
Jesus...
He leans forward and turns up the volume.
TV REPORTER
...and then before sunrise, police
helicopters came over the hills to
try to protect the desperate policeman
who says he has killed seven of the
gang — although only three have been
accounted for.
MCCLANE
(sarcastically)
I should have taken scalps.
/S^V,
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary SWAT officers apprehend William, while McClane discovers the extent of the damage caused by the explosion. Hans orders his team to search for detonators.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional depth
  • Sharp dialogue
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched elements in the action sequences
  • Predictable character dynamics

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is action-packed, emotionally impactful, and moves the story forward significantly. The high stakes, intense conflict, and character dynamics make it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is executed with tension, suspense, and high stakes. The use of unique elements like the fire hose and helicopter attack adds depth to the concept.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with McClane's actions on the roof, the confrontation with Franco, and the intense helicopter attack. The stakes are raised, and the tension is palpable throughout the scene.

Originality: 9

The scene is original in its depiction of a police officer facing off against terrorists in a high-stakes situation. The dialogue and actions feel authentic and keep the audience engaged.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially McClane, Hans, and Franco, show depth and development in this scene. McClane's determination, Hans' ruthlessness, and Franco's aggression add layers to the conflict.

Character Changes: 7

McClane undergoes a transformation from a lone fighter to a strategic thinker in this scene. His decisions and actions show growth and adaptation to the escalating threats.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to save the hostages and stop the terrorists, reflecting his desire to protect and serve as a police officer.

External Goal: 7

McClane's external goal is to find a way to stop the terrorists and prevent further harm to the hostages.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and multi-layered, with physical confrontations, emotional stakes, and high-risk situations driving the tension in the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing off against dangerous terrorists in a high-stakes situation.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high in this scene, with McClane facing imminent death, the threat of the terrorists, and the survival of hostages hanging in the balance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward with significant developments, including the resolution of the helicopter attack, the revelation of the FBI's involvement, and McClane's survival against all odds.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, keeping the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 6

The philosophical conflict is between law and order versus chaos and criminal activity. McClane's values as a police officer are challenged by the terrorists' disregard for the law.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The emotional impact is high, especially with McClane's near-death experience, the revelation of a family photo, and the intense helicopter attack. The audience is invested in the characters' fates.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, tense, and reveals the motivations and dynamics between the characters. It drives the action forward and adds to the suspense of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, sharp dialogue, and high stakes.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by keeping the action moving and building suspense.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear action lines and dialogue cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and suspense as the protagonist faces off against the antagonists.


Critique
  • The transition from William's limo being surrounded by SWAT officers to McClane limping onto the 37th floor feels a bit abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition.
  • The description of McClane washing his wound at the water fountain is a good visual detail, but more emphasis could be placed on the pain he must be feeling and the urgency of his situation.
  • The scene in Hans' office where he orders his team to search for the detonators lacks a sense of immediate tension or urgency, considering McClane's presence on the same floor.
  • McClane's reaction to the TV coverage of the building's destruction could be more emotionally impactful, given the gravity of the situation and his personal involvement in the events.
  • The sarcastic comment from McClane about taking scalps feels slightly out of character and could be replaced with a more fitting response.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or inner dialogue for McClane as he washes his wound, to convey his pain and determination.
  • Intensify the urgency and tension in Hans' office scene by highlighting the race against time to find the detonators before McClane interferes.
  • Enhance McClane's reaction to the TV coverage by showing a deeper emotional response to the devastation and the impact on the hostages.
  • Adjust McClane's dialogue to better align with his character, perhaps by expressing his frustration or determination in a more authentic way.
  • Explore the possibility of incorporating a subtle hint or clue in the TV coverage that could aid McClane in his next move, adding a layer of intrigue to the scene.



Scene 37 -  McClane's Plan
408 INT. STAIRWELL 408
Uli comes down the stairs. Suddenly he hears something and
presses his ear to the stairwell door.
409 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - DAWN 409
Al Powell leaves the operations trailer and moves down the
sidewalk past the vested SWAT officers and collapses on the
stoop of a business. He looks and feels like a man who has
betrayed a friend. A TV news REPORTER spots Powell and moves
his crew quickly over for an interview.
410 CLOSE - MCCLANE'S TV 410
We SEE the reporter approaching Powell.
411 MCCLANE 411
Having never seen Powell, McClane ignores the picture until
he hears:
REPORTER (ON TV)
...Thanks, Jim...This is
Sergeant Al Powell, pressed into
service late last night.



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412 CLOSE ON MCCLANE 412
This gets his attention. He looks up at the TV.
REPORTER
(on TV)
Sergeant Powell, you've been
actually talking to the man
inside, John McClane, haven't
you?
413 ON SCREEN 413
Powell says nothing and begins to move away. The reporter
and camera follow him.
REPORTER
(on TV)
Can you comment on the speculation
that he was not adequately warned
about the attack. Do you feel he
was sufficiently warned?
Powell stops. He looks directly into the camera as if
looking right at McClane.
POWELL
(on TV)
No...And I'll tell you something
else...he wasn't the only one.
414 INT. 37TH FLOOR - SAME 414
A stairwell door opens and Uli, steps out onto the floor. He
can hear the sound of the television set and moves carefully
toward the SOUND.
415 ON MCCLANE 415
He hears something and pulls out the Beretta. He hits the
floor of the office and crawls to the doorway and looks out.
416 HIS P.O.V. 416
Uli moving toward the office. Drawn by the SOUND of the TV.
417 MCCLANE 417
pops out the Beretta's magazine — he's down to his last
three bullets. He checks his shoulder harness, nothing. He
lies there thinking for a moment, then rolls back over and
suddenly focuses on something on the wall just behind the
terrorist.



A98
109

418 HIS P.O.V. 418
The plastic explosive he planted by the light switch. He
takes careful aim.
MCCLANE
(softly, to himself)
Make it count, Johnny boy...
419 ON THE TV SCREEN - POWELL AND THE REPORTER 419
REPORTER
(on TV)
If you could tell him something
right now, what would you say?
420 EXT. STREET - ON POWELL 420

I POWELL
I'd just say...hang in there,
partner and if you can hear me give
me a sign.
Suddenly an explosion rips the 37th floor. Powell looks up.
POWELL
That'll do.
421 INT. 37th FLOOR - SAME 421
McClane moves through the rubble of blown-up desks and finds
the terrorist's machine gun; his CB hisses nearby.
422 INT. HANS' OFFICE 422
For the first time we SEE that Hans is off-balanced. Holly
watches him. Suddenly the CB comes to life.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
It's all over Hans, you're down
to nothing.
423 EXT. HOLLY'S HOUSE IN SANTA MONICA - SAME 423
Thornburg's KCBS truck parked in front of Holly's house.
424 ANGLE ON FRONT DOOR 424
Thornburg pleads with Holly's housekeeper, Paulina. She
is scared and Thornburg plays on it.
^ ' (CONTINUED)
110

424 CONTINUED: 424
THORNBURG
(to Paulina)
One minute, that's all we ask.
You could be denying them a chance
to talk to their parents.
425 INT. 37TH FLOOR - ON MCCLANE - SAME 425
He slams in a fresh magazine and suddenly stares at the
television screen.
426 HIS P.O.V. - HIS CHILDREN 426
Paulina, near tears, lets the children come to the door. They
squint into the bright lights.
j 427 32ND FLOOR - ON HOLLY 427
seeing the same scene through the door to Hans' office. She
gasps at the sight of her children.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane realizes he was not adequately warned about the attack and uses explosives to gain control of the 37th floor. Holly sees her children approach her house on TV, while Thornburg tries to convince Paulina to let them talk to McClane.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
  • Engaging dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development for some supporting characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, action, and emotional moments that keep the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists in a high-rise building is well-executed with added elements of emotional depth and moral dilemmas.

Plot: 9

The plot is fast-paced, with multiple layers of conflict and escalating tension leading to a climactic showdown between the protagonist and the antagonists.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh elements such as the use of a television broadcast to create tension and suspense. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and contribute to the authenticity of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed, with John McClane showing resilience and determination, while the terrorists are portrayed as ruthless and cunning.

Character Changes: 7

John McClane undergoes a transformation as he faces difficult choices and confronts his own fears and limitations.

Internal Goal: 8

McClane's internal goal is to protect his family and stop the terrorists. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and to prove himself as a capable hero.

External Goal: 9

McClane's external goal is to defeat the terrorists and save the hostages. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the hostage situation and the challenges he faces in a high-stakes environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and multi-layered, with physical, emotional, and moral conflicts driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing life-threatening challenges and unpredictable obstacles. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high, with lives on the line and the fate of the characters hanging in the balance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by resolving key conflicts and setting up the final act of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns, such as the sudden explosion and the protagonist's last-minute decision.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between McClane's sense of duty and the terrorists' disregard for human life. This challenges McClane's beliefs in justice and the value of human life.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, especially during the confrontation between McClane and the terrorists.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the high stakes and emotional intensity of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and character development. The tension and suspense keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension, creating suspense, and maintaining the audience's interest. The rhythm of the scene enhances the overall impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The dialogue is well-formatted and contributes to the scene's effectiveness.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene transitions abruptly from Uli in the stairwell to Al Powell outside the police trailer, which can be disorienting for the audience.
  • The dialogue between the TV reporter and Powell feels forced and lacks authenticity, making it difficult for the audience to connect with the characters.
  • McClane's actions of planting explosives and preparing to confront the terrorist lack tension and suspense, which are crucial elements in a high-stakes scene like this.
  • The sudden explosion on the 37th floor feels contrived and lacks buildup, diminishing the impact of the moment.
  • The interaction between Hans and Holly in his office lacks depth and emotional resonance, missing an opportunity to explore their dynamic further.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a smoother transition between the different locations to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Work on making the dialogue between the TV reporter and Powell more natural and reflective of their characters' emotions.
  • Build up the tension and suspense as McClane prepares to confront the terrorist, creating a sense of urgency and danger.
  • Provide more context and buildup to the explosion on the 37th floor to make it more impactful and surprising.
  • Enhance the interaction between Hans and Holly to delve deeper into their relationship and add emotional depth to the scene.



Scene 38 -  Showdown with Holly
428 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 428
Hans stares at the children on the TV then looks across the
room at the family photo on the credenza.
429 EXT. HOLLY'S HOUSE - ON THORNBURG - MORNING 429
He now is squatting down with his microphone to interview the
children. His voice is soft, comforting.
THORNBURG
(to the children)
Is there something you would like
to say to your mom or dad if they're
watching.
John, Jr. says nothing, but Lucy looks at the camera.
LUCY
(softly)
Come home.
430 INT. 32ND FLOOR - ON HOLLY - SAME 430
She struggles to fight back tears with no luck. Suddenly the
door to Hans' office opens. He steps out and looks at Holly
AS we:
CUT TO:




A98
111

431 MCCLANE 431
He stands stunned looking at the TV, as if all the fight has
suddenly been drained from him. His CB comes to life.
HANS' VOICE
Mr. McClane, I have someone who
wants to talk to you.
HOLLY'S VOICE
John!?—
MCCLANE
Holly! Are you all right?
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
A temporary condition unless you
listen carefully.
POWELL'S VOICE
(o.s.; booming in)
You touch that woman you son-of-a-bitch
and —
MCCLANE
Let him talk. I'm listening.
/S3RN,


HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
It's time to end the game. Put
the detonators on an elevator and
send them to the 39th floor. Then
come down here, unarmed.
TIME CUT TO:
432 INT. 33RD FLOOR - MORNING 432
McClane waits in the elevator corridor for the service
elevator. The car arrives. He places the kit bag inside,
punches thirty-nine, and steps back into the corridor.
433 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 433
Hans has Holly in his office. She nervously pulls on her
watchband when suddenly we HEAR McClane*s VOICE on the CB.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
They're on their way up. I want
to talk to her.
(CONTINUED)


A98
112

433 CONTINUED: 433
/fl^FS\
HANS
When you get down here.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
No. Now.
Hans hesitates for a moment then hands the CB to Holly who
takes it with trembling hands.
HOLLY
John?
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Are you okay?
HOLLY
I'm scared but, I...I'm not hurt.
They said, you were dead.
MCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.)
Don't believe what you hear on TV.
I need to hear your voice though.
f0^ My feet are cut and I'm wounded and
I've got a long way to go. I need
you to talk to me. Like we use to
do. Like up at your father's farm
on Long Island. Remember how we'd
talk?
HOLLY
Yes.
434 32ND FLOOR - STAIRWELL DOOR - SAME 434
McClane quietly opens the door to the 32nd floor. It is
quiet. The hostages are on the other side of the floor.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
I want you to pretend it's just
us. I've got to hear your voice.
It's the only way I'll make it...
Understand? Talk to me.
He turns down his CB and moves steadily toward the other
side of the building.
(** 435 ON HOLLY 435
She talks calmly into the CB as if she is talking privately
to McClane.
A98 (CONTINUED)
113

435 CONTINUED:' 435
HOLLY
(beat)
I miss you. I've missed you a
lot. I found a picture of us the
other night...all of us...
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Hans interviews the children, demanding McClane's surrender. McClane talks to Holly on the CB, gaining strength from her. Internal conflict arises as McClane struggles to stay focused against Hans's demands. The scene is tense and emotional, with moments of hope and vulnerability. Key dialogue includes Hans demanding detonators, McClane's determination, Holly's fear and longing, and their emotional connection. Significant visuals include the children's interview, Hans and Holly in the office, and McClane waiting in the elevator corridor. The scene ends with McClane moving through the building, determined to face the challenge ahead.
Strengths
  • Intense tension
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some predictable elements
  • Slightly melodramatic moments

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is intense, emotional, and pivotal in the story, with high stakes and significant character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a final showdown between the hero and villain, with emotional stakes involving loved ones, is executed effectively.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly with the negotiation, confrontation, and emotional moments, leading to a climactic resolution.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh approach to the hostage situation genre, focusing on emotional connections and character relationships rather than just action.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially John McClane and Hans, are well-developed and their interactions drive the tension and emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

McClane undergoes a transformation as he confronts his fears and fights for his loved ones, while Hans reveals his ruthless nature.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to reconnect with his wife and reassure her of his safety, showing his vulnerability and emotional depth.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to follow the antagonist's instructions to save his wife and the other hostages, highlighting the immediate danger and stakes of the situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between McClane and Hans, as well as the emotional conflict involving Holly, creates a high level of tension and suspense.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing difficult choices and conflicting demands.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high, with lives on the line and the fate of the characters hanging in the balance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story towards its climax, resolving key conflicts and setting up the final confrontation.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting dynamics between characters and the unexpected emotional revelations.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's values of love and family against the antagonist's ruthless tactics and demands, challenging the protagonist's beliefs and morals.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of the scene is significant, with moments of fear, love, and anxiety resonating with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is tense, emotional, and impactful, revealing the characters' motivations and feelings.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, suspenseful pacing, and high stakes.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a structured format for its genre, building tension and suspense effectively.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension considering the high stakes involved.
  • The dialogue between McClane and Holly feels a bit forced and could be more emotionally charged.
  • The transition between different locations and characters could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene.
  • There is a missed opportunity to build more suspense and drama as McClane communicates with Holly and faces the demands of the terrorists.
  • The emotional impact of the situation, such as Holly's fear and McClane's determination, could be portrayed more effectively.
Suggestions
  • Add more suspenseful elements to heighten the tension in the scene, such as a countdown or a sense of imminent danger.
  • Focus on the emotional connection between McClane and Holly to make their conversation more impactful and heartfelt.
  • Consider refining the dialogue to make it more authentic and reflective of the characters' emotions and motivations.
  • Work on the pacing of the scene to maintain a sense of urgency and keep the audience engaged.
  • Explore ways to visually enhance the scene, such as using close-ups or reactions to convey the characters' emotions effectively.



Scene 39 -  Ambush and Escape
436 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 436
The doors to the service elevator open and Karl takes the
detonators and goes to the safe.
437 INT. 32ND FLOOR - SAME 437
McClane moves around the side of the floor. He reaches the
corner and he can see the hostages. They are sitting on the
floor. Holly's secretary, Ginny, sitting a few feet away
from Fritz, the guard, looks up and sees McClane, she
immediately tries to hide her surprise but Fritz notices
and looks around the corner.
438 HIS P.O.V. 438
The corridor. There is no sign of McClane.
439 FRITZ 439
He looks back at Ginny.
GINNY
(innocently)
I must have been seeing things.
But Fritz doesn't buy it. He goes slowly down the corridor
where McClane was and looks around the next corner. Fritz
sees nothing and starts back. As he passes an office an arm
suddenly reaches out, covers his mouth and pulls him inside.
440 INT. HANS' OFFICE - ON HOLLY - SAME 440
She has indeed blocked everything out of her mind but McClane
as she talks.
HOLLY
...I want us to live together again...
She watches as Hans loads his Walther. He suddenly becomes
suspicious that she is doing all the talking and looks up.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
(o.s.; softly)
That's what I want too. I'm almost
there, honey.
(CONTINUED)

A98
114

440 CONTINUED: 440
/s*v HOLLY
(relieved to
hear him)
Let me talk. There's so much I
wanted to tell you last night but
I couldn't...
441 HALLWAY - SAME 441
McClane steps back into the hallway — a finger to his
mouth — and motions for her to come. She gets up and
starts for McClane. The others follow.
442 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 442
Karl finishes packing the last detonator and sets the timer.
Ten seconds. He grabs his gun and leaves.
I
/ 443 INT. HANS' OFFICE - SAME 443
Holly talks into the CB. While she talks she notices people
leaving and casually looks away so that Hans won't notice.
His back is to the exodus.
HOLLY
^ I love you. Whatever happens,
( I love you.
444 39TH FLOOR 444
Karl in the hallway. Suddenly, AN EXPLOSION belches smoke
out of the safe room.
445 INT.. POLICE TRAILER - SAME 445
Powell, Robinson, the Johnsons hear the sound over their CB.
ROBINSON
What's that?
446 INT. HOSTAGE FLOOR - SAME 446
An older WOMAN panics at the sound of the explosion.
WOMAN
Oh, God, their going to kill us!
She becomes hysterical.
447 HANS' OFFICE 447
• Hans goes to the door and sees the exodus. He shoots the
woman then grabs Holly and pushes her out of the office and
down the opposite corridor.

A98
115

448 MCCLANE 448
(** sees Hans and Holly moving toward the elevators and aims, but
he doesn't risk a shot. He starts after them.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
Al?! You've got thirty-five
people coming down the stairs.
You've got to occupy this building
now!
449 EXT. NAKATOMI - SAME 449
SWAT officers sprint toward the building. The lead officers
crash through the front glass doors and rush to the stairwells.
450 ON POWELL 450
POWELL
John, they're on their way up the
stairs. We want you to keep the
hostages together till we get there.
451 ON MCCLANE 451
moving down the corridor toward the elevators.
x^>v
MCCLANE
No way. He's got my wife.
452 EXT. ADJACENT ROOF - SAME 452
A police helicopter takes off from the neighboring building
and streaks toward the Nakatomi tower. It opens fire on the
elevator tower.
453 INT. ELEVATOR 453
Hans hears the sound of automatic rifle fire overhead. He
brings up the CB.
HANS
I want it known that we still have
the weapons to knock the helicopters
out of the sky! Mr. McClane, are
you there?
MCCLANE'S VOICE
Right here.
HANS
Your wife will be dead in ten
seconds unless you listen carefully.



A98
116

454 ON MCCLANE 454
( listening.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
Get into the elevator. Come
unarmed to the 39th floor.
455 39TH FLOOR - SAFE ROOM 455
Karl steps into the safe and begins removing stacks of
documents.
456 CLOSE ON THE DOCUMENTS 456
$100,000 TREASURY BONDS. The stacks are enormous.
Three-four hundred to a stack.
457 KARL 457
His CB crackles with Hans' voice.
HANS* VOICE
Karl. Helicopters!
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane places detonators in the safe and sets the timer, while Fritz pursues him but is ambushed. Holly blocks out distractions to communicate with McClane and signals the hostages to join him. Karl completes packing the detonators and departs. Holly observes departures and conceals her awareness from Hans. The safe room explodes. SWAT officers approach the building and ascend stairwells, while a helicopter engages the elevator tower. Hans threatens to execute Holly unless McClane surrenders unarmed on the 39th floor.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional depth
  • High stakes
  • Well-defined characters
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a perfect blend of action, emotion, and tension. It keeps the audience on the edge of their seats and sets up a thrilling climax.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a lone hero facing off against a group of terrorists to save his wife is a classic action movie trope, but the scene executes it with skill and intensity.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with multiple layers of conflict and tension driving the action forward. The stakes are high, and the pacing keeps the audience engaged.

Originality: 9

The scene features a unique hostage situation with unexpected twists and turns. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and add to the tension.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters, especially John McClane and Hans, are well-defined and their motivations are clear. The emotional connection between McClane and his wife adds depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

McClane undergoes a transformation as he confronts his fears and risks everything to save his wife. Holly also shows vulnerability and strength in her interactions with McClane.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to save his wife and the other hostages while reconciling with his wife. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and connection.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to stop the terrorists and save the hostages, including his wife. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the hostage situation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between McClane and Hans, as well as the ticking clock of the detonators, creates intense suspense and drives the action forward.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing multiple challenges and obstacles in his mission to save the hostages.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high, with lives on the line and the fate of the hostages and the protagonists hanging in the balance.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story towards its climax, with key revelations, confrontations, and developments that set up the final act.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to unexpected events like explosions and character actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's values of justice and protecting his loved ones, and the terrorists' values of power and control. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the face of danger.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The emotional impact of the scene is significant, especially in the interactions between McClane and Holly. The audience is invested in their relationship and the outcome of the confrontation.

Dialogue: 7

The dialogue is effective in conveying the emotions and motivations of the characters, but could be more impactful in certain moments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, high stakes, and emotional conflict.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by maintaining tension and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for an action screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a suspenseful action sequence, building tension and escalating the stakes.


Critique
  • The scene transitions between multiple locations and characters quite abruptly, which can make it challenging for the audience to keep track of the action.
  • The dialogue between Holly and McClane feels a bit rushed and lacks emotional depth, considering the gravity of the situation they are in.
  • The tension and suspense in the scene could be heightened by building up the confrontation between McClane and Hans more effectively.
  • There is a lack of visual descriptions and details that could enhance the atmosphere and intensity of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider slowing down the pacing of the scene to allow for more emotional resonance between the characters.
  • Provide more visual cues and descriptions to create a vivid and immersive setting for the audience.
  • Work on smoother transitions between different locations and characters to improve the flow of the scene.
  • Focus on building up the tension and suspense gradually to create a more impactful climax.



Scene 40 -  Rooftop Confrontation
458 INT. ELEVATOR TOWER - ROOF - ON HEINZ - SAME 458
I
He preps a Stinger missile and looks through the crack in the
roof door.
459 HIS P.O.V. 459
Smoldering debris from the helicopter crash covers the roof.
Then a quarter mile away he sees the helicopter diving for
the roof.
460 INT. ELEVATOR CAR 460
McClane finishes taping his holster behind his neck. Suddenly
the doors open, the 37th floor, then close — McClane*s
buying time.
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
I'm waiting, Mr. McClane.
He slips the Beretta into the hidden holster, then practices
reaching behind his neck and drawing the gun. It is awkward
and he tries it again — better. The doors open to the
38th floor, then close.
f^ 461 INT. 39TH FLOOR - SAME 461
Hans positions himself in front of the elevator bank,
fingering the trigger of his machine gun, waiting.

A98
117
462 KARL 462
reaches the roof just as Heinz opens the door and lifts the
Stinger to his shoulder. The chopper opens fire. The rounds
kick up rooftop-gravel in lines straight to the door, hitting
Heinz and Karl.
463 HANS 463
He hears the HUM of the elevators and braces himself. He
checks his gun and waits. Suddenly, the far right elevator
light comes on over the doors and we hear the electronic
ring. The door opens and Hans opens fire.
Bullets rip into the brushed aluminum interior, totally
destroying the car. Hans spends half his clip before he
realizes the car is empty. The light over the next door
comes on.
i
J Hans slams in another magazine. He moves quickly to that
door and as the doors open, blasts the inside of that car
before realizing, that it too is empty. His CB comes to
life and he hears McClane's. voice.
MCCLANE'S VOICE
I thought we had a deal, Hans?
f* 464 INT. 39TH FLOOR - STAIRWELL DOOR - ON MCCLANE - SAME 464
He moves from the stairwell onto the 39th floor carefully
toward the elevator bank where Hans and Holly were. He
turns the corner and they're gone.
465 ON MCCLANE 465
moves carefully up the hallway. Every office doorway is a
potential ambush.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
Where are you, Hans? I thought
you were going to meet me?
HANS' VOICE
(o.s.)
You're almost there. I can hear
you without the radio...Are you
unarmed?
McClane turns the corner. We SEE the lighted doorway to the
safe room.
MCCLANE
(to CB)
That's what you wanted.
(CONTINUED)
A98
118

465 CONTINUED: 465

HANS
Well then let's turn off the .
radio.
POWELL'S VOICE
John no! —
McClane turns off his radio, cutting Powell off.
466 POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 466
and Police TECHNICIANS.
TECHNICIAN
We've lost them.
Powell stares up at the building — helpless.
^467 ON THORNBURG 467
Listening to his car radio as he drives back to Century City.
He realizes what they've done.
THORNBURG
Shit.
468 EXT. NAKATOMI 468
William listening with police. When he realizes they're off
the air, he looks up and says a little prayer.
469 INT. ANTEROOM - SAFE ROOM - ON HANS - SAME 469
He carefully lays his radio on the boardroom table so as not
to make a noise and motions Holly up with the end of his
Walther.
470 HALLWAY 470
McClane reaches the doorway to the anteroom.
MCCLANE
I'm here, Hans.
HANS
(o.s.; from the
office)
Come in. Hands in the air.
McClane puts his hands on his head, steps into the doorway.
/$Wt!i\




A98
119

471 HIS P.O.V. 471
Hans stands in front of the window his arm around Holly's
neck. He holds her in front of him like a shield. Holly
gasps at the grizzily sight of her husband.
472 MCCLANE 472
MCCLANE
I'm all right, babe.
(to Hans)
Let her go. You don't need her
now.
HANS
Very noble, Mr. McClane. But
you're of no practical use to
me now...you're practically a
corpse already.
McClane looks at the Bearer's Bonds on the table. He looks
back at Hans.
MCCLANE
You know I always had my doubts
about you, Hans.
HANS
The cop in you, no doubt. Well,
it's been a long night, Mr. McClane,
but killing you and your wife should
make it all worthwhile.
He pulls back the hammer and presses the barrel into Holly's
neck.
MCCLANE
Me first, then.
Hans hesitates, then smiles. He removes the gun from Holly's
neck and aims at McClane.
HANS
Any other requests?
MCCLANE
I want to say something to my
wife.
HANS
Touching.
McClane looks directly at Holly, they lock eyes.
(CONTINUED)


A98
120

472 CONTINUED: 472
MCCLANE
Now!
She bumps Hans hand with the gun and McClane draws the
Beretta over his shoulder and fires — hitting Hans in the
right nipple. The bullet goes clean through him, starring
the window behind him. He looks at McClane increduously.
MCCLANE
Out of the way, Holly!
She tries to break free but Hans pulls her back in front of
him. Slowly he raises the gun to her neck. She squirms
against the terrorist, trying to break away but the barrel
presses against her throat. McClane aims again and fires,
hitting Hans in the shoulder.
The jolt knocks Hans backward against the window. He
releases Holly's neck and his hand slides down her arm as
the glass starts to give way behind him — his fingers
running down her arm until one finds a grip in Holly's
watchband and pulls her into the gaping window with him.
McClane drops his gun and lunges for his wife, grabbing
Holly's other arm just as she falls. For a moment McClane
holds them all but Hans' weight slowly begins to weaken
him. His hold on Holly starts to slip.
McClane braces himself against the window frame and strains
to reach Holly's watchband. His muscles quiver, his hand
almost there when we SEE Hans slowly bring his pistol up
from his side and aim at McClane.
Holly sees him and screams. Hans' hand trembles. He locks
eyes with McClane one last time, starts to pull the trigger,
as McClane releases the watchband. Hans' face registers his
horror as he and the watch suddenly drop. We listen to his
scream all the way down.
McClane pulls Holly back into the room and holds her.
MCCLANE
It's okay, babe. It's okay.
He looks down at Hans' body, then back at Holly.
MCCLANE
Hey, I've got to get you a
new watch.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller"]

Summary McClane and Hans engage in a tense standoff in the safe room, with Holly used as a shield. Karl and Heinz are hit by helicopter fire, escalating the conflict. McClane eventually shoots Hans, saving Holly and resolving the standoff.
Strengths
  • Intense action
  • Emotional depth
  • Climactic resolution
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with tension, emotional depth, and a climactic resolution that keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a final confrontation between the protagonist and antagonist, with the protagonist fighting to save his wife, is well-executed and drives the scene forward.

Plot: 9

The plot is tightly woven, with each action and dialogue contributing to the escalating tension and the ultimate resolution of the conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the hostage situation trope, with unexpected twists and character dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with clear motivations and emotional arcs that drive their actions in the scene.

Character Changes: 8

McClane undergoes a significant transformation, from a desperate and determined fighter to a hero willing to sacrifice himself for his wife.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to protect his wife and defeat the antagonist. This reflects his deeper desire for redemption and to prove himself as a capable hero.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to save his wife and stop the antagonist from carrying out his plan. This reflects the immediate challenge of the hostage situation and the threat to innocent lives.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and multi-layered, with physical, emotional, and moral stakes at play throughout the scene.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the antagonist posing a significant threat to the protagonist and his goals.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high, with the lives of the main characters hanging in the balance and the outcome of the entire conflict at stake.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward towards its climax, resolving key conflicts and setting up the final act.

Unpredictability: 9

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists, character choices, and suspenseful moments.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in justice and the antagonist's disregard for human life. This challenges the protagonist's values and forces him to make difficult decisions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly during the moments of tension, sacrifice, and resolution.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful, especially during the confrontation between McClane and Hans, adding depth to their characters and the overall conflict.

Engagement: 10

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and emotional intensity.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is expertly crafted, with a balance of action, dialogue, and suspense that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 7

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with concise descriptions and effective scene transitions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, building tension and conflict towards a climactic resolution.


Critique
  • The scene is intense and suspenseful, with a good build-up of tension as McClane prepares to confront Hans on the 39th floor.
  • The dialogue between McClane and Hans is engaging and adds to the dramatic conflict between the two characters.
  • The use of the elevator as a strategic element in the scene adds a layer of suspense and urgency to the confrontation.
  • The physical action and gunplay in the scene are well-described and keep the reader engaged.
  • The emotional stakes are high with Holly being used as a shield by Hans, adding a personal dimension to the conflict.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal thoughts or emotions for McClane to give insight into his mindset and motivations during the confrontation.
  • Explore the dynamics between McClane and Holly further to deepen their relationship and the impact of the situation on them.
  • Ensure the action sequences are described clearly and vividly to enhance the tension and excitement of the scene.
  • Consider adding more sensory details to immerse the reader in the setting and atmosphere of the confrontation.
  • Continue to build on the suspense and conflict between McClane and Hans to keep the audience on the edge of their seats.



Scene 41 -  Reunion and New Threat
473 EXT. POLICE TRAILER - ON POWELL - SAME 473
He stands looking worriedly up at the building, when
suddenly his CB comes to life.
A98 (CONTINUED)
121

473 CONTINUED: 473
SWAT LEADER'S VOICE
(voice over)
This is SWAT commander four...We
have McClane and his wife. We're
bringing them down the service
elevator.
POWELL
(to CB)
Roger... Thank you, Lord.
474 ON WILLIAM - SAME 474
WILLIAM
Amen.
475 INT. KCBS MOBILE UNIT - MORNING 475
}
Thornburg's unit stuck in traffic ten blocks from the
Nakatomi building. HORNS BLARE all around the truck.
Thornburg is going crazy not being at the building. He
can feel his Emmy slipping away.
THORNBURG
C'mon, goddamnit. What is this,
an accident?
(suddenly realizing)
No. Don't tell me, it's over...
It's over and I missed it! Shit!
476 THE EMPTY LOBBY 476
The doors to the service elevator opens McClane leaning on
Holly on one side and the SWAT leader on the other moves
steadily across the cold marble floor to the front door and
steps:
477 OUTSIDE 477
into a blaze of television lights. The entire front of
the building is packed with reporters and TV cameras. Amid
shouts of "There he is!" the media surges into the police
line ringing the steps. McClane ignores their shouted
questions and pushes forward down the steps with something
else on his mind.
MCCLANE
(calling out)
Al?!
At first there is no answer, then we SEE Powell moving
through the press, his hand on the butt of his .38.
(CONTINUED)

A98
122

477 CONTINUED: 477
/S*s
McClane stops at the base of the steps and stares at him,
then offers the cop his hand.
MCCLANE
You know it's going to be hard
to go back to that desk.
POWELL
(a touch of
a grin)
No lie.
(to Holly)
You okay?
She nods weakly. Just then Robinson moves toward them
through the group.
I ROBINSON
/
We're going to have to ask you
some questions, McClane. The
damage to that building,
Mr. Ellis' shooting. To be
real honest —
MCCLANE
Shut up, Dwayne.
Before Robinson can protest, a SCREAM causes McClane to
turn.
478 HIS P.O.V. 478
There in the doorway is Karl. Easily as crusted in dirt
and blood as McClane, he holds an M-5 machine gun.
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary McClane and Holly are reunited with Powell outside the Nakatomi building. Despite Powell's relief, Robinson attempts to question McClane, who dismisses him. Tension escalates when Karl appears with an M-5 machine gun, posing a new threat to the group.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional depth
  • Complex character dynamics
  • High stakes
  • Tense atmosphere
Weaknesses
  • Some cliched dialogue
  • Occasional pacing issues

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, with a mix of intense action, emotional moments, and high stakes. The tension is palpable, and the stakes are raised as the confrontation between McClane and Hans reaches a critical point.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a final showdown between the hero and the villain, with the hero fighting to save his wife and stop the terrorists, is executed effectively. The scene builds on the established conflict and sets up a climactic resolution.

Plot: 9

The plot is well-developed, with multiple threads converging in a high-stakes confrontation. The pacing is tight, and the scene moves the story forward significantly, setting up the climax of the film.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh approach to the typical confrontation scene, with unexpected twists and character dynamics that add depth and authenticity.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their motivations are clear. The interactions between McClane, Hans, and Holly drive the tension and emotional impact of the scene. Each character's actions are in line with their established traits.

Character Changes: 8

McClane undergoes a significant transformation in the scene, from a lone hero fighting against the odds to a man fighting to save his wife and reconcile with her. His love for Holly drives his actions and decisions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to ensure the safety of his wife and navigate the aftermath of the hostage situation. This reflects his deeper desire for redemption and reconciliation with his wife.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to confront the antagonist, Karl, who appears with a machine gun. This reflects the immediate challenge of resolving the conflict and ensuring the safety of everyone present.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with physical, emotional, and moral stakes at play. The confrontation between McClane and Hans is the culmination of the escalating tension throughout the film.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing a formidable antagonist and internal conflicts that add complexity to the conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are incredibly high in the scene, with Holly's life on the line and the fate of the hostages hanging in the balance. McClane's actions have far-reaching consequences, adding to the tension and urgency of the situation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward towards the climax, resolving key conflicts and setting up the final confrontation between McClane and Hans. The narrative tension is heightened, leading to a satisfying resolution.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden appearance of the antagonist and the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's sense of duty and justice, as he confronts the consequences of his actions and faces the antagonist.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with moments of tension, fear, and love. The audience is invested in the characters' fates, particularly Holly's life hanging in the balance.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, conveying the characters' emotions and motivations effectively. The exchanges between McClane, Hans, and Holly reveal their inner conflicts and drive the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, fast-paced action, and emotional intensity that keeps the audience invested in the characters' fates.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds suspense and maintains a sense of urgency, driving the narrative forward and keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected standards for the genre, enhancing readability and clarity.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and resolves conflicts, fitting the genre's expectations.


Critique
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one feels a bit abrupt and could benefit from a smoother connection.
  • The dialogue between Powell and McClane lacks depth and emotion, considering the intense situation they are in.
  • The introduction of Thornburg's character and his frustration adds unnecessary distraction to the main focus of McClane and Holly's escape.
  • The scene lacks a sense of urgency and tension, especially considering the imminent danger they were just facing.
  • The interaction between McClane and Robinson feels forced and could be more natural given the circumstances.
Suggestions
  • Consider a more seamless transition from the previous scene to maintain the flow of the story.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Powell and McClane to reflect the gravity of the situation and their relief at being safe.
  • Focus on the core characters, McClane and Holly, to maintain the tension and urgency of their escape.
  • Streamline the introduction of Thornburg's character to avoid detracting from the main narrative.
  • Work on creating a more authentic interaction between McClane and Robinson to enhance the realism of the scene.



Scene 42 -  Close Call and Rescue
479 EXT. NAKATOMI (FRONT STEPS) - SAME 479
As the press panics trying to escape, Karl locks eyes with
McClane and levels his gun. McClane throws Holly to the
ground and grabs the dumbstruck Robinson's sidearm. But
he doesn't get off a shot — a lone gunshot stops Karl —
knocking him back through the doorway. McClane looks back
to see Powell still sighting down the barrel of his .38.
His hands rock steady. He sees McClane's look.
POWELL
I owed you one.
They smile and McClane leans on Holly as William's battered
black limo backs up to them. The window rolls down and
inside we SEE William and the stuffed animal. •
(CONTINUED)

A98
123

479 CONTINUED: 479
/$Z\
WILLIAM
My friend here thinks you better
get in if you want to make it
home before New Years.
McClane grins AS we:
FADE OUT
THE END




r.
A98
Twentieth Century Fox SCRIPT DEPARTMENT
1020V W. Pico Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90035
Telephone: (213)203-2494
Genres: ["Action","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary Outside the Nakatomi building, Karl confronts McClane and Holly with a gun. McClane acts quickly, throwing Holly to safety and grabbing a weapon. Powell intervenes, shooting Karl dead. Afterward, William appears in a limo and offers McClane and Holly an escape before New Year's.
Strengths
  • Intense action sequences
  • Emotional depth
  • Complex character dynamics
  • Sharp dialogue
  • High stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some elements may be predictable
  • Some character motivations could be further explored

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9

The scene is highly engaging, filled with intense action, emotional depth, and unexpected developments, keeping the audience on the edge of their seats.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of a final showdown between the protagonist and antagonist in a high-stakes hostage situation is executed with precision, creating a gripping and memorable climax.

Plot: 8

The plot is well-developed, with multiple layers of conflict, tension, and resolution, leading to a satisfying conclusion.

Originality: 9

The scene features a fresh approach to the action genre, with well-developed characters and a complex plot. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined, with complex motivations and relationships, driving the emotional impact of the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Several characters undergo significant changes during the scene, particularly in their relationships and motivations, adding depth to their arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to protect his wife and survive the dangerous situation he is in. This reflects his deeper need for connection and safety, as well as his fear of losing loved ones.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to defeat the antagonist and escape from the building. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he is facing, such as the threat of violence and the need to protect his wife.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict is intense and multi-layered, with high stakes and emotional consequences for the characters involved.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult challenges and obstacles. The audience is unsure of how the conflict will be resolved, adding to the tension and suspense.

High Stakes: 10

The stakes are incredibly high, with lives on the line, leading to intense action and emotional moments that keep the audience invested.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward towards its climax, resolving key conflicts and setting up the final resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, as well as the complex motivations of the characters. The audience is kept guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between justice and revenge. McClane and Karl represent opposing values, with McClane seeking justice and Karl seeking revenge for his brother's death. This challenges McClane's beliefs in the rule of law and the importance of doing what is right.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from fear and tension to relief and sadness, creating a powerful emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the inner thoughts and emotions of the characters, enhancing the dramatic tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced action, witty dialogue, and high stakes. The tension and suspense keep the audience on the edge of their seats.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of action, dialogue, and character development. The rhythm of the scene contributes to its effectiveness and keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings and action descriptions. The dialogue is well-formatted and easy to follow.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with a clear beginning, middle, and end. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene lacks a clear setup for the confrontation between McClane and Karl, making the sudden appearance of Karl with a gun feel abrupt and disconnected from the previous events.
  • The resolution of Karl's threat is too quick and lacks tension or buildup, diminishing the impact of the moment.
  • The dialogue between Powell and McClane, while brief, could have been more impactful and emotional considering the gravity of the situation.
  • The interaction between McClane, Holly, and William in the final moments could have been more fleshed out to provide a sense of closure and emotional resonance.
  • The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to enhance the tension and action sequences.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief exchange or confrontation between McClane and Karl earlier in the scene to build up to the final showdown.
  • Extend the resolution of Karl's threat to create more suspense and allow for a more satisfying conclusion to the conflict.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Powell and McClane to deepen their relationship and provide a more poignant moment of gratitude.
  • Expand on the interaction between McClane, Holly, and William to add emotional depth and closure to the scene.
  • Include more visual details to heighten the tension and action in the final moments of the scene.