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Scene 1 -  The Descent into the Depths
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 6
THIS SCRIPT IS FOR

EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY

"Titanic" a screenplay by James Cameron

Cast:

KATE WINSLET... Rose DeWitt Bukater LEONARDO DICAPRIO... Jack
Dawson KATHY BATES... The Unsinkable Molly Brown BILLY
ZANE... Caledon Hockley BILL PAXTON... Brock Lovett

Written and Directed by:

JAMES CAMERON

1 BLACKNESS 1

Then two faint lights appear, close together... growing
brighter. They resolve into two DEEP SUBMERSIBLES, free-
falling toward us like express elevators.

One is ahead of the other, and passes close enough to FILL
FRAME, looking like a spacecraft blazing with lights,
bristling with insectile manipulators.

TILTING DOWN to follow it as it descends away into the
limitless blackness below. Soon they are fireflies, then
stars. Then gone.

CUT TO:

2 EXT./ INT. MIR ONE / NORTH ATLANTIC DEEP 2

PUSHING IN on one of the falling submersibles, called MIR
ONE, right up to its circular viewport to see the occupants.

INSIDE, it is a cramped seven foot sphere, crammed with
equipment. ANATOLY MIKAILAVICH, the sub's pilot, sits
hunched over his controls... singing softly in Russian.

Next to him on one side is BROCK LOVETT. He's in his late
forties, deeply tanned, and likes to wear his Nomex suit
unzipped to show the gold from famous shipwrecks covering
his gray chest hair. He is a wiley, fast-talking treasure
hunter, a salvage superstar who is part historian, part
adventurer and part vacuum cleaner salesman. Right now, he
is propped against the CO2 scrubber, fast asleep and
snoring.

On the other side, crammed into the remaining space is a
bearded wide-body named LEWIS BODINE, sho is also asleep.
Lewis is an R.O.V. (REMOTELY OPERATED VEHICLE) pilot and is
the resident Titanic expert.

(CONTINUED)
2.
2 CONTINUED: 2


Anatoly glances at the bottom sonar and makes a ballast
adjustment.

CUT TO:

3 EXT. THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA 3

A pale, dead-flat lunar landscape. It gets brighter, lit
from above, as MIR ONE enters FRAME and drops to the
seafloor in a downblast from its thrusters. It hits bottom
after its two hour free-fall with a loud BONK.

CUT TO:

4 INT. MIR ONE 4

Lovett and Bodine jerk awake at the landing.

ANATOLY
(heavy Russian accent)
We are here.
Genres: ["Drama","Adventure"]

Summary The crew of the submersible MIR ONE enter the vast darkness of the North Atlantic deep, as they prepare to search for the wreckage of Titanic. The treasure hunter, Brock Lovett, and Titanic expert, Lewis Bodine, are both asleep while the Russian pilot Anatoly Mikailavich keeps a watchful eye.
Strengths "The scene sets the tone for the vastness of the ocean and the danger of the mission ahead. The distinct personalities of the characters are introduced through their actions, particularly Brock Lovett's flashy appearance and snoring."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is minimal and only in Russian, making it difficult for non-Russian speaking audience members to understand. There is also little action happening in this scene."
Critique Overall, the scene provides a clear introduction to the setting and characters, as well as establishes the tone for the film. However, there are a few areas for improvement:

1. The description of the submersibles descending into the depths of the ocean is somewhat repetitive and could be streamlined for more impact.
2. Some of the character descriptions feel unnecessary and could be shown through action instead.
3. The dialogue from Anatoly could be improved by adding a bit more personality to his delivery, to make him stand out more as a character.

A potential rewrite could look like:

BLACKNESS.

Two lights appear, rapidly growing brighter, before resolving into the shapes of two DEEP SUBMERSIBLES. They fall towards the camera, a blur of light and insectile manipulators.

We follow one of the subs, MIR ONE, as it descends further into the blackness. It shrinks to a spark, then vanishes entirely.

EXT. MIR ONE/NORTH ATLANTIC DEEP.

A pale, dead-flat lunar landscape comes into view, illuminated by the bright beams of MIR ONE's thrusters. It hits the seafloor with a loud BONK.

INT. MIR ONE.

Brock Lovett, a deep-sea treasure hunter, snores against the CO2 scrubber. Beside him, Lewis Bodine, the resident Titanic expert, sleeps. Anatoly Mikailavich, the sub's pilot, adjusts the ballast and glances at the bottom sonar.

ANATOLY:
We are here.

There is a heavy silence, until Bodine stirs.

BODINE:
Now the adventure begins.

Anatoly chuckles.

ANATOLY:
Easy for you to say. You're not the one piloting this tin can.

The banter continues as the three men prepare for their dive into the depths.
Suggestions



Scene 2 -  The Titanic Wreckage
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. / INT. MIR ONE AND TWO

5 MINUTES LATER: THE TWO SUBS skim over the seafloor to
the sound of sidescan sonar and the THRUM of big thrusters.

6 The featureless gray clay of the bottom unrols in the
lights of the subs. Bodine is watching the sidescan sonar
display, where the outline of a huge pointed object is
visible. Anatoly lies prone, driving the sub, his face
pressed to the center port.

BODINE
Come left a little. She's right in
front of us, eighteen meters.
Fifteen. Thirteen... you should see it.

ANATOLY
Do you see it? I don't see it...
there!

Out of the darkness, like a ghostly apparition, the bow of
the ship appears. Its knife-edge prow is coming straight at
us, seeming to plow the bottom sediment like ocean waves.
It towers above the seafloor, standing just as it landed 84
years ago.

THE TITANIC. Or what is left of her. Mir One goes up and
over the bow railing, intact except for an overgrowth of
"rusticles" draping it like mutated Spanish moss.



(CONTINUED)
3.
CONTINUED:


TIGHT ON THE EYEPIECE MONITOR of a video camcorder. Brock
Lovett's face fills the BLACK AND WHITE FRAME.

LOVETT
It still gets me every time.

The image pans to the front viewport, looking over Anatoly's
shoulder, to the bow railing visible in the lights beyond.
Anatoly turns.

ANATOLY
Is just your guilt because of
estealing from the dead.

CUT WIDER, to show that Brock is operating the camera
himself, turning it in his hand so it points at his own
face.

LOVETT
Thanks, Tolya. Work with me, here.

Brock resumes his serious, pensive gaze out the front port,
with the camera aimed at himself at arm's length.

LOVETT (CONT'D)
It still gets me every time... to see
the sad ruin of the great ship sitting
here, where she landed at 2:30 in the
morning, April 15, 1912, after her long
fall from the world above.

Anatoly rolls his eyes and mutters in Russian. Bodine
chuckles and watches the sonar.

BODINE
You are so full of shit, boss.

7 Mir Two drives aft down the starboard side, past the huge
anchor while Mir One passes over the seemingly endless
forecastle deck, with its massive anchor chains still laid
out in two neat rows, its bronze windlass caps gleaming.
The 22 foot long subs are like white bugs next to the
enormous wreck.

LOVETT (V.O.)
Dive nine. Here we are again on the
deck of Titanic... two and a half
miles down. The pressure is three
tons per square inch, enough to
crush us like a freight train going
over an ant if our hull fails.
(MORE)


(CONTINUED)
4.
CONTINUED: (2)
LOVETT (V.O.) (cont'd)
These windows are nine inches thick and
if they go, it's sayonara in two
microseconds.

8 Mir Two lands on the boat deck, next to the ruins of the
Officer's Quarters. Mir One lands on the roof of the deck
hous nearby.

LOVETT (CONT'D)
Right. Let's go to work.

Bodine slips on a pair of 3-D electronic goggles, and grabs
the joystick controls of the ROV.

9 OUTSIDE THE SUB, the ROV, a small orange and black robot
called SNOOP DOG, lifts from its cradle and flies forward.

BODINE (V.O.)
Walkin' the dog.

SNOOP DOG drives itself away from the sub, paying out its
umbilical behind it like a robot yo-yo. Its twin stereo-
video cameras swivel like insect eyes. The ROV descends
through an open shaft that once was the beautiful First
Class Grand Staircase.

Snoop Dog goes down several decks, then moves laterally into
the First Class Reception Room.

SNOOP'S VIDEO POV, moving through the cavernous interior.
The remains of the ornate handcarved woodwork which gave the
ship its elegance move through the floodlights, the lines
blurred by slow dissolution and descending rusticle
formations. Stalactites of rust hang down so that at times
it looks like a natural grotto, then the scene shifts and
the lines of a ghostly undersea mansion can be seen again.

MONTAGE STYLE, as Snoop passes the ghostly images of
Titanic's opulence:

10 A grand piano in amazingly good shape, crashed on its
side against a wall. The keys gleam black and white in the
lights.

11 A chandelier, still hanging from the ceiling by its
wire... glinting as Snoop moves around it.

12 Its lights play across the floor, revealing a champagne
bottle, then some WHITE STAR LINE china... a woman's high-
top "granny shoe". Then something eerie: what looks like a
child's skull resolves into the porcelain head of a doll.

Snoop enters a corridor which is much better preserved.
Here and there a door still hangs on its rusted hinges.

(CONTINUED)
5.
CONTINUED: (3)

An ornate piece of molding, a wall sconce... hint at
the grandeur of the past.

13 THE ROV turns and goes through a black doorway, entering
room B-52, the sitting room of a "promenade suite", one of
the most luxurious staterooms on Titanic.

BODINE (CONT'D)
I'm in the sitting room. Heading for
bedroom B-54.

LOVETT
Stay off the floor. Don't stir it up
like you did yesterday.

BODINE
I'm tryin' boss.

Glinting in the lights are the brass fixtures of the near-
perfectly preserved fireplace. An albino Galathea crab
crawls over it. Nearby are the remains of a divan and a
writing desk. The Dog crosses the ruins of the once elegant
room toward another DOOR. It squeezes through the
doorframe, scraping rust and wood chunks loose on both
sides. It moves out of a cloud of rust and keeps on going.

BODINE (CONT'D)
I'm crossing the bedroom.

The remains of a pillared canopy bed. Broken chairs, a
dresser. Through the collapsed wall of the bathroom, the
porcelain commode and bathtub took almost new, gleaming in
the dark.

LOVETT
Okay, I want to see what's under
that wardrobe door.

SEVERAL ANGLES as the ROV deploys its MANIPULATOR ARMS and
starts moving debris aside. A lamp is lifted, its ceramic
colors as bright as they were in 1912.

LOVETT (CONT'D)
Easy, Lewis. Take it slow.

Lewis grips a wardrobe door, lying at an angle in a corner,
and pulls it with Snoop's gripper. It moves reluctantly in
a cloud of silt. Under it is a dark object. The silt
clears and Snoop's cameras show them what was under the
door...

BODINE
Ooohh daddy-oh, are you seein' what I'm
seein'?

(CONTINUED)
6.
CONTINUED: (4)


CLOSE ON LOVETT, watching his moniteors. By his expression
it is like he is seeing the Holy Grail.

LOVETT
Oh baby baby baby.
(grabs the mike)
It's payday, boys.

ON THE SCREEN, in the glare of the lights, is the object of
their quest: a small STEEL COMBINATION SAFE.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Adventure","Drama"]

Summary The crew of the submersible MIR ONE finally reaches the wreckage of Titanic. They explore the ship's opulent interior using Snoop Dog, a small orange and black robot. As they uncover new artifacts, they get closer to the safe they have been searching for.
Strengths "The scene creates a sense of wonder and anticipation as the crew finally reaches Titanic's wreckage. The use of Snoop Dog is a unique and interesting way to explore the interior of the ship."
Weaknesses "The dialogue can be a bit cheesy at times, particularly with Lovett's repeated line about the ship's fall from the world above."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that the scene is well-written and engaging. The audience is immediately drawn in by the sense of mystery and excitement surrounding the discovery of the Titanic wreck. The use of technical language, such as "sidescan sonar," "ROV," and "umbilical," adds to the authenticity of the scene and makes it feel more realistic. The dialogue between the characters is also well-crafted, with each one having a distinct voice and personality. The use of humor, such as Bodine's comment about Lovett being "full of shit," helps to lighten the mood and make the scene more relatable. Overall, I would say that the scene is a strong example of effective screenwriting.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well written and gives a good sense of the setting and the characters' interactions. However, there are a few suggestions to improve it:

1. Add more action/description to the opening shot - instead of just "the two subs skim over the seafloor," describe how they move and what it looks like.

2. Consider breaking up the dialogue between Bodine and Anatoly to add some action/description. For example, you could show Anatoly searching for the object while Bodine gives him directions.

3. Use more active verbs - for example, instead of "the bow of the ship appears," consider "the bow of the ship looms out of the darkness."

4. Try to avoid telling instead of showing - for example, instead of Lovett saying "It still gets me every time," show his emotional reaction to seeing the Titanic wreck.

5. Consider adding more sensory details - what does it smell like? What does the water feel like? This will make the scene feel more immersive.

Overall, these suggestions are meant to add more depth and detail to the scene, allowing the reader to more fully experience the setting and the characters' emotions.



Scene 3 -  The safe is opened
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 6
14 EXT. STERN OF DECK OF KEDYSH - DAY 14

THE SAFE, dripping wet in the afternoon sun, is lowered onto
the deck of a ship by a winch cable.

We are on the Russian research vessel AKADEMIK MISTISLAV
KELDYSH. A crowd has gathered, including most of the crew
of KELDYSH, the sub crews, and a hand-wringing money guy
named BOBBY BUELL who represents the limited partners.
There is also a documentary video crew, hired by Lovett to
cover his moment of glory.

Everyone crowds around the safe. In the background Mir Two
is being lowered into its cradle on deck by a massive
hydraulic arm. Mir One is already recovered with Lewis
Bodine following Brock Lovett as he bounds over to the safe
like a kid on Christman morning.

BODINE
Who's the best? Say it.

LOVETT
You are, Lewis.
(to the video crew)
You rolling?

CAMERAMAN
Rolling.

Brock nods to his technicians, and they set about drilling
the safe's hinges. During this operation, Brock amps the
suspense, working the lens to fill the time.

LOVETT
Well, here it is, the moment of
truth. Here's where we find out if the
time, the sweat, the money spent to
charter this ship and these subs, to
come out here to the middle of the
North Atlantic... were worth it.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
7.
14 CONTINUED: 14
LOVETT (cont'd)
If what we think is in that same... is
in that safe... it will be.

Lovett grins wolfishly in anticipation of his greatest find
yet. The door is pried loose. It clangs onto the deck.
Lovett moves closer, peering into the safe's wet interior.
A long moment then... his face says it all.

LOVETT (CONT'D)
Shit.

BODINE
You know, boss, this happened to
Geraldo and his career never
recovered.

LOVETT
(to the video cameraman)
Get that outta my face.

CUT TO:

15 INT. LAB DECK, PRESERVATION ROOM - DAY 15

Technicians are carefully removing some papers from the safe
and placing them in a tray of water to separate them safely.
Nearby, other artifacts from the stateroom are being washed
and preserved.

Buell is on the satellite phone with the INVESTORS. Lovett
is yelling at the video crew.

LOVETT
You send out what I tell you when I
tell you. I'm signing your
paychecks, not 60 minutes. Now get set
up for the uplink.

Buell covers the phone and turns to Lovett.

BUELL
The partners want to know how it's
going?

LOVETT
How it's going? It's going like a
first date in prison, whattaya
think?!

Lovett grabs the phone from Buell and goes instantly smooth.

LOVETT (CONT'D)
Hi, Dave? Barry? Look, it wasn't in
the safe...
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
8.
15 CONTINUED: 15
LOVETT (CONT'D)
no, look, don't worry about it,
there're still plenty of places it
could be... in the floor debris in the
suite, in the mother's room, in the
purser's safe on C deck...
(seeing something)
Hang on a second.

A tech coaxes some letters in the water tray to one side
with a tong... revealing a pencil (conte crayon) drawing of
a woman.

Brock looks closely at the drawing, which is in excellent
shape, though its edges have partially disintegrated. The
woman is beautiful, and beautifully rendered. In her late
teens or early twenties, she is nude, though posed with a
kind of casual modesty. She is on an Empire divan, in a
pool of light that seems to radiate outward from her eyes.
Scrawled in the lower right corner is the date: April 14
1912. And the initials JD.

The girl is not entirely nude. At her throat is a diamond
necklace with one large stone hanging in the center.

Lovett grabs a reference photo from the clutter on the lab
table. It is a period black-and-white photo of a diamond
necklace on a black velvet jeller's display stand. He holds
it next to the drawing. It is clearly the same piece... a
complex setting with a massive central stone which is almost
heart-shaped.

LOVETT (CONT'D)
I'll be God damned.

CUT TO:

16 INSERT 16

A CNN NEWS STORY: a live satellite feed from the deck of
the Keldysh, intercut with the CNN studio.

ANNOUNCER
Treasure hunter Brock Lovett is best
known for finding Spanish gold in
sunken galleons in the Caribbean. Now
he is using deep submergence
technology to work two and a half
miles down at another famous
wreck... the Titanic. He is with us
live via satellite from a Russian
research ship in the middle of the
Atlantic... hello Brock?



(CONTINUED)
9.
16 CONTINUED: 16


LOVETT
Yes, hi, Tracy. You know, Titanic is
not just A shipwrick, Titanic is THE
shipwreck. It's the Mount Everest
of shipwrecks.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Adventure","Thriller","Drama"]

Summary The crew of the submersible MIR ONE finally opens the safe they found from the wreckage of Titanic. Brock Lovett, the treasure hunter, and Lewis Bodine, the Titanic expert, are disappointed to find out that the safe did not contain what they were looking for. However, they discover a beautiful pencil drawing of a nude woman wearing a diamond necklace, which they believe to be valuable.
Strengths "The tension and anticipation leading up to the opening of the safe was well portrayed. The discovery of the drawing and necklace adds a layer of intrigue and mystery to the story."
Weaknesses "The disappointment of not finding what they were looking for was somewhat predictable and underwhelming. The dialogue felt a bit clich\u00e9 at times."
Critique First of all, the scene lacks some description and detail for the audience to fully visualize the setting and what is happening. It would be helpful to add descriptions of the ship, the crew, and the equipment being used.

The dialogue between Lovett and Bodine feels forced and unnatural. The "who's the best?" moment feels out of place and doesn't add much to the scene, while Lovett's reaction to opening the safe seems predictable and flat. It would be more interesting to see Lovett's emotions and reactions build up to the opening of the safe, rather than just a quick disappointment.

Additionally, the scene has too much exposition, particularly when Lovett is talking to the investors on the phone. It would be better to show the information through actions and scenes rather than just telling the audience what is happening.

Overall, the scene could benefit from more detail, better dialogue, and a stronger sense of character emotions and reactions.
Suggestions There are a few ways to improve this scene:

1. Show rather than tell: Instead of having Lovett explain how important finding the safe is, show the anticipation and excitement of the crew as they gather around it.

2. Add more conflict: The scene feels a bit flat, so adding more conflict or obstacles to the safe's recovery can create more tension and interest.

3. Develop the characters: Aside from Lovett and Bodine, the other characters are not fleshed out or given any distinct personality. Giving them unique traits or moments can make them more memorable.

4. Cut down on exposition: The dialogue in this scene is mostly exposition, which can make it feel clunky and unnatural. Finding ways to deliver information more organically can make the scene flow better.



Scene 4 -  Discovery and Controversy
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
17 INT. HOUSE / CERAMICS STUDIO 17

PULL BACK from the screen, showing the CNN report playing on
a TV set in the living room of a small rustic house. It is
full of ceramics, figurines, folk art, the walls crammed
with drawings and paintings... things collected over a
lifetime.

PANNING to show a glassed-in studio attached to the house.
Outside it is a quiet morning in Ojai, California. In the
studio, amid incredible clutter, an ANCIENT WOMAN is
throwing a pot on a potter's wheel. The liquid red clay
covers her hands... hands that are gnarled and age-spotted,
but still surprisingly strong and supple. A woman in her
early forties assists her.

LOVETT (V.O.)
I've planned this expedition for
three years, and we're out here
recovering some amazing things...
things that will have enormous
historical and educational value.

CNN REPORTER (V.O.)
But it's no secret that education is not
your main purpose. You're a treasure
hunter. So what is the treasure
you're hunting?

LOVETT (V.O.)
I'd rather show you than tell you, and
we think we're very close to doing
just that.

The old woman's name is ROSE CALVERT. Her face is a
wrinkled mass, her body shapeless and shrunken under a one-
piece African-print dress.

But her eyes are just as bright and alive as those of a
young girl.

Rose gets up and walks into the living room, wiping pottery
clay from her hands with a rag. A Pomeranian dog gets up
and comes in with her.


(CONTINUED)
10.
17 CONTINUED: 17


The younger soman, LIZZY CALVERT, rushes to help her.

ROSE
Turn that up please, dear.

REPORTER (V.O.)
Your expedition is at the center of a
storm of controversy over salvage rights
and even ethics. Many are calling you
a grave robber.

TIGHT ON THE SCREEN.

LOVETT
Nobody called the recovery of the
artifacts from King Tut's tomb grave
robbing. I have museum-trained
experts here, making sure this stuff is
preserved and catalogued properly.
Look at this drawing, which was found
today...

The video camera pans off Brock to the drawing, in a tray of
water. The image of the woman with the necklace FILLS
FRAME.

LOVETT (CONT'D)
...a piece of paper that's been
underwater for 84 years... and my
team are able to preserve it
intanct. Should this have remained
unseen at the bottom of the ocean for
eternity, when we can see it and enjoy it
now...?

ROSE is galvanized by this image. Her mouth hangs open in
amazement.

ROSE
I'll be God damned.

CUT TO:

18 EXT. KELDYSH DECK - NIGHT 18

CUT TO KELDYSH. The Mir subs are being launched. Mir Two
is already in the water, and Lovett is getting ready to
climb into Mir One when Bobby Buell runs up to him.

BUELL
There's a satellite call for you.



(CONTINUED)
11.
18 CONTINUED: 18


LOVETT
Bobby, we're launching. See these
submersibles here, going in the
water? Take a message.

BUELL
No, trust me, you want to take this
call.

CUT TO:

19 INT. LAB DECK / KELDYSH - NIGHT 19

Beull hands Lovett the phone, pushing down the blinking
line. The call is from Rose and we see both ends of the
conversation. She is in her kitchen with a mystified Lizzy.

LOVETT
This is Brock Lovett. What can I do for
you, Mrs... ?

BUELL
Rose Calvert.

LOVETT
... Mrs. Calvert?

ROSE
I was just wondering if you had
found the "Heart of the Ocean" yet, Mr.
Lovett.

Brock almost drops the phone. Bobby sees his shocked
expression...

BUELL
I told you you wanted to take this
call.

LOVETT
(to Rose)
Alright. You have my attention,
Rose. Can you tell me who the woman in
the picture is?

ROSE
Oh yes. The woman in the picture is me.

CUT TO:
12.



20 EXT. OCEAN - DAY 20

SMASH CUT TO AN ENORMOUS SEA STALLION HELICOPTER thundering
across the ocean. PAN 180 degrees as it roars past. There
is no land at either horizon. The Keldysh is visible in the
distance.

CLOSE ON A WINDOW of the monster helicopter. Rose's face is
visible, looking out calmly.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Adventure"]

Summary Brock Lovett and his crew reach the wreckage of Titanic with the help of a small robot Snoop Dog. Upon opening the safe, they are disappointed to find that it does not contain what they were looking for but instead discover a valuable drawing. In a separate scene, Lovett receives a surprising call from an old woman named Rose Calvert who claims to be the woman in the drawing they found.
Strengths "The scene builds tension and highlights the controversial nature of Brock Lovett's expedition. The discovery of the drawing adds an element of surprise and intrigue to the plot."
Weaknesses "The characters lack depth and development, and the scene does not provide significant character development or emotional weight."
Critique
Suggestions Overall, the scene is effective in setting the tone and introducing the characters and their motivation. However, there are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Consider adding more conflict or tension to the scene. Right now, the dialogue is informative but lacks any real conflict or stakes. Perhaps there could be some disagreement between the characters, or a threat to their mission or personal safety.

2. Try to show rather than tell the exposition. In this scene, a lot of information is conveyed through dialogue. Finding ways to visually show the audience what is happening (such as the recovered artifacts) can make the scene more engaging and memorable.

3. Consider adding more physical action or movement. The scene is largely stationary, with the characters standing or sitting in one location. Introducing more movement (such as the potter's wheel turning faster) or physical action (such as Rose struggling to stand up) can make the scene more dynamic and engaging.

With these changes, the scene could become even more engaging and memorable for the audience.



Scene 5 -  Arrival of Rose Calvert
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
21 EXT. KELDYSH - DAY 21

Brock and Bodine are watching Mir 2 being sweng over the
side to start a dive.

BODINE
She's a goddamned liar! A nutcase.
Like that... what's her name? That
Anastasia babe.

BUELL
They're inbound.

Brock nods and the three of them head forward to meet the
approaching helo.

BODINE
She says she's Rose DeWitt Bukater,
right? Rose DeWitt Bukater died on the
Titanic. At the age of 17. If she'd've
lived, she'd be over a hundred now.

LOVETT
A hundred and one next month.

BODINE
Okay, so she's a very old goddamned
liar. I traced her as far back as the
20's... she was working as an actress
in L.A. An actress. Her name was
Rose Dawson. Then she married a
guy named Calvert, moved to Cedar
Rapids, had two kids. Now Calvert's
dead, and from what I've heard Cedar
Rapids is dead.

The Sea Stallion approaches the ship, BG, forcing Brock to
yell over the rotors.




(CONTINUED)
13.
21 CONTINUED: 21


LOVETT
And everyobody who knows about the
diamond is supposed to be dead... or on
this ship. But she knows about it.
And I want to hear what she has to say.
Got it?

CUT TO:

22 EXT. KELDYSH HELIPAD 22

IN A THUNDERING DOWNBLAST the helicopter's wheels bounce
down on the helipad.

Lovett, Buell and Bodine watch as the HELICOPTER CREW CHIEF
hands out about ten suitcases, and then Rose is lowered to
the deck in a wheelchair by Keldysh crewmen. Lizzy, ducking
unnecessarily under the rotor, follows her out, carrying
FREDDY the Pomeranian. The crew chief hands a puzzled
Keldysh crewmember a goldfish bowl with several fish in it.
Rose does not travel light.

HOLD ON the incongruous image of this little old lady,
looking impossibly fragile amongst all the high tech gear,
grungy deck crew and gigantic equipment.

BODINE
S'cuse me, I have to go check our
supply of Depends.

CUT TO:

23 INT. ROSE'S STATEROOM / KELDYSH - DAY 23

Lizzy is unpacking Rose's things in the small utilitarian
room. Rose is placing a number of FRAMED PHOTOS on the
bureau, arranging them carefully next to the fishbowl.
Brock and Bodine are in the doorway.

LOVETT
Is your stateroom alright?

ROSE
Yes. Very nice. Have you met my
granddaughter, Lizzy? She takes
care of me.

LIZZY
Yes. We met just a few minutes ago,
grandma. Remember, up on deck?

ROSE
Oh, yes.

(CONTINUED)
14.
23 CONTINUED: 23


Brock glances at Bodine... oh oh. Bodine rolls his eyes.
Rose finishes arranging her photographs. We get a general
glimpse of them: the usual snapshots... children and
grandchildren, her late husband.

ROSE (CONT'D)
There, that's nice. I have to have my
pictures when I travel. And Freddy
of course.
(to the Pomeranian)
Isn't that right, sweetie.

LOVETT
Would you like anything?

ROSE
I should like to see my drawing.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Adventure","Drama","Mystery"]

Summary Brock Lovett, the treasure hunter, and Lewis Bodine, the Titanic expert, meet Rose Calvert, the woman from the drawing they found in the wreckage of the Titanic. Bodine is skeptical of her identity as Rose DeWitt Bukater, and Lovett wants to hear what she has to say about the diamond they were looking for.
Strengths "The scene effectively introduces a new character and raises questions about her identity and possible knowledge of the diamond. The dialogue is natural and informative, providing backstory and setting up future conflicts."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks action and dramatic tension, and some viewers may find it slow-paced or uneventful."
Critique Overall, the scene could benefit from some rewrites to improve the flow and pacing. The dialogue feels stilted in some places and could use some naturalizing. The introduction of the helicopter crew chief and the suitcases feels like unnecessary information that doesn't add much to the scene, and the focus on the incongruous image of Rose looks impossibly fragile amongst all the high tech gear, grungy deck crew, and gigantic equipment also feels overdone. The scene could benefit from more action or conflict to drive the plot forward and engage the viewer.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions I have for this scene:

1. Show, don't tell: Instead of having Bodine explain Rose's story, it would be more engaging to see a flashback or have Rose recount her story herself in a more dramatic way.

2. Increase tension: Right now, the scene feels flat. There needs to be more tension or conflict to keep the audience engaged. Perhaps have Lovett and Brock be skeptical of Rose's story and grill her with tough questions.

3. Use visuals: As mentioned before, showing a flashback would help increase engagement. Additionally, using more visuals of the high-tech gear, grungy deck crew, and gigantic equipment would help the audience feel more immersed in the story.

4. Shorten the scene: The scene feels too long and doesn't add much to the overall story. Consider cutting out some of the unnecessary dialogue or combining it with another scene to make it more efficient.



Scene 6 -  Reunited with the Past
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
24 INT. LAB DECK, PRESERVATION AREA 24

Rose looks at the drawing in its tray of water, confronting
herself across a span of 84 years. Until they can figure
out the best way to preserve it, they have to keep it
immersed. It sways and ripples, almost as if alive.

TIGHT ON Rose's ancient eyes, gazing at the drawing.

25 FLASHCUT of a man's hand, holding a conte crayon deftly
creating a shoulder and the shape of her hair with two
efficient lines.

26 THE WOMAN'S FACE IN THE DRAWING, dancing under the
water.

27 A FLASHCUT of a man's eyes, just visible over the top of
a sketching pad. They look up suddenly right into the LENS.
Soft eyes, but fearlessly direct.

28 Rose smiles, remembering. Brock has the reference photo
of the necklace in his hand.

LOVETT
Louis the Sixteenth wore a fabulous
stone, called the Blue Diamond of the
Crown, which disappeared in 1792,
about the time Louis lost everything
from the neck up. The theory goes
that the crown diamond was chopped
too... recut into a heart-like
shape... and it became Le Coeur de la
Mer. The Heart of the Ocean.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
15.
24 CONTINUED: 24
LOVETT (cont'd)
Today it would be worth more than the
Hope Diamond.

ROSE
It was a dreadful, heavy thing.
(she points at the drawing)
I only wore it this once.

LIZZY
You actually believe this is you,
grandma?

ROSE
It is me, dear. Wasn't I a hot
number?

LOVETT
I tracked it down through insurance
records... and old claim that was
settled under terms of absolute
secrecy. Do you know who the
claiment was, Rost?

ROSE
Someone named Hockley, I should
imagine.

LOVETT
Nathan Hockley, right. Pittsburgh
steel tycoon. For a diamond
necklace his son Caledon Hockley
bought in France for his fiancee...
you... a week before he sailed on
Titanic. And the claim was filed
right after the sinking. So the
diamond had to've gone down with the
ship.
(to Lizzy)
See the date?

LIZZY
April 14, 1912.

LOVETT
If your grandma is who she says she is,
she was wearing the diamond the day
Titanic sank.

LOVETT (CONT'D)
(to Rose)
And that makes you my new best
friend. I will happily compensate you
for anything you can tell us that
will lead to its recovery.

(CONTINUED)
16.
24 CONTINUED: (2) 24


ROSE
I don't want your money, Mr. Lovett. I
know how hard it is for people who care
greatly for money to give some away.

BODINE
(skeptical)
You don't want anything?

ROSE
(indicating the drawing)
You may give me this, if anything I
tell you is of value.

LOVETT
Deal.
(crossing the room)
Over here are a few things we've
recovered from your staterooms.

Laid out on a worktable are fifty or so objects, from
mundane to valuable. Rose, shrunken in her chair, can
barely see over the table top. With a trembling hand she
lifts a tortoise shell hand mirror, inlaid with mother of
pearl. She caresses it wonderingly.

ROSE
This was mine. How extraordinary! It
looks the same as the last time I saw
it.

She turns the mirror over and looks at her ancient face in
the cracked glass.

ROSE (CONT'D)
The reflection has changed a bit.

She spies something else, a silver and moonstone art-nouveau
brooch.

ROSE (CONT'D)
My mother's brooch. She wanted to go
back for it. Caused quite a fuss.

Rose picks up an ornate art-nouveau HAIR COMB. A jade
butterfly takes flight on the ebony handle of the comb. She
turns it slowly, remembering. We can see that Rose is
experiencing a rush of images and emotions that have lain
dormant for eight decades as she handles the butterfly comb.




(CONTINUED)
17.
24 CONTINUED: (3) 24


LOVETT
Are you ready to go back to Titanic?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Action"]

Summary The crew shows Rose a drawing they found at the Titanic wreckage. She confirms that it is her in the drawing and reveals the story behind a diamond necklace, the Heart of the Ocean. Despite their excitement, Rose refuses to disclose any information until Brock agrees to give her the drawing in return. The crew shows Rose other artifacts they found from her stateroom as she reminisces about her past, and Brock proposes going back to Titanic to recover the diamond.
Strengths "The scene's strength lies in its ability to convey a range of emotions. The audience is able to see how Rose is affected by the artifacts she sees and handle. The conversation around the diamond necklace and the drawing continues to build suspense."
Weaknesses "The dialogue can at times feel a bit forced, particularly in Brock's lines."
Critique The scene is well-written in terms of description and dialogue, with clear visuals and engaging language. The use of flashcuts to show the creation of the drawing adds a visual element that helps to enhance the scene. The dialogue between Rose, Lovett, and Bodine is informative and helps to move the plot forward.

However, there are a few areas in which the scene could be improved. The first is that the flashback to the creation of the drawing is brief and could be expanded upon to give more insight into Rose's past and her relationship with the artist. Additionally, there is some unnecessary exposition in Lovett's explanation of the history of the diamond, which could be trimmed down to make the scene more concise.

Overall, the scene effectively sets up the plot and introduces the characters' motivations, but could benefit from some minor adjustments to enhance its impact.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Show instead of telling: The conversation between Lovett and Rose feels very exposition-heavy. Rather than having Lovett explain the history of the diamond, perhaps show a flashback scene of Louis XVI wearing the Blue Diamond of the Crown and then show the diamond being recut into a heart and given to Rose. This would make the scene more visually interesting and engaging for the audience.

2. Focus on Rose's emotions: As Rose handles the objects recovered from the staterooms, she experiences a rush of emotions. This could be a powerful moment for the character and should be emphasized more in the scene. Show close-ups of Rose's face as she handles each item and allow the audience to see the memories and emotions that are stirred up.

3. Cut down on the dialogue: The scene feels a bit long and could be tightened up by cutting down on some of the dialogue. For example, Lovett's line about compensating Rose for any information that leads to the diamond's recovery feels unnecessary and could be cut without impacting the scene.

4. Use visual language: The script could benefit from more visual language to help paint a picture for the audience. For example, when Rose picks up the hair comb, instead of just saying "a jade butterfly takes flight on the ebony handle of the comb," show the butterfly as it takes flight. This will make the scene more immersive and engaging for the audience.



Scene 7 -  Revealing the Past
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
29 INT. IMAGING SHACK / KELDYSH 29

It is a darkened room lined with TV monitors. IMAGES OF THE
WRECK fill the screens, fed from Mir One and Two, and the
two ROVs, Snoop Dog and DUNCAN.

BODINE
Live from 12,000 feet.

ROSE stares raptly at the screens. She is enthraled by one
in particular, an image of the bow railing. It obviously
means something to her. Brock is studying her reactions
carefully.

BODINE
The bow's struck in the bottom like an
axe, from the impact. Here... I can run
a simulation we worked up on this
monitor over here.

Lizzy turns the chair so Rose can see the screen of Bodine's
computer. As he is calling up the file, he keeps talking.

BODINE
We've put together the world's
largest database on the Titanic.
Okay, here...

LOVETT
Rose might not want to see this,
Lewis.

ROSE
No, no. It's fine. I'm curious.

Bodine starts a COMPUTER ANIMATED GRAPHIC on the screen,
which parallels his rapid-fire narration.

BODINE
She hits the berg on the starboard
side and it sort of bumps along...
punching holes like a morse code... dit
dit dit, down the side. Now she's
flooding in the




(CONTINUED)
18.
29 CONTINUED: 29


BODINE (CONT'D)
forward compartments... and the
water spills over the tops of the
bulkheads, going aft. As her bow is
going down, her stern is coming
up... slow at first... and then
faster and faster until it's lifting all
that weight, maybe 20 or 30 thousand
tons... out of the water and the
hull can't deal... so

SKRTTT!!

(making a sound in time with the animation) ... it splits!
Right down to the keel, which acts like a big hinge. Now
the bow swings down and the stern falls back level...
but the weight of the bow pulls the stern up vertical, and
then the bow section detaches, heading for the bottom.
The stern bobs like a cork, floods and goes under about
2:20 a.m. Two hours and forty minutes after the
collision.

The animation then follows the bow section as it sinks.
Rose watches this clinical dissection of the disaster
without emotion.

BODINE
The bow pulls out of its dive and
planes away, almost a half a mile,
before it hits the bottom going
maybe 12 miles an hour. KABOOM!

The bow impacts, digging deeply into the bottom, the
animation now follows the stern.

BODINE
The stern implodes as it sinks, from the
pressure, and rips apart from the
force of the current as it falls,
landing like a big pile of junk.
(indicating the simulation)
Cool huh?

ROSE
Thank you for that fine forensic
analysis, Mr. Bodine. Of course the
experience of it was somewhat less
clinical.

LOVETT
Will you share it with us?



(CONTINUED)
19.
CONTINUED:


Her eyes go back to the screens, showing the sad ruins far
below them.

A VIEW from one of the subs TRACKING SLOWLY over the boat
deck. Rose recognizes one of the Wellin davits, still in
place. She hears ghostly waltz music. The faint and
echoing sound of an officer's voice, English accented,
calling "Women and children only".

30 FLASH CUTS of screaming faces in a running crowd.
Pandemonium and terror. People crying, praying, kneeling on
the deck. Just impressions... flashes in the dark.

31 Rose Looks at another monitor. SNOOP DOG moving down a
rusted, debris-filled corridor. Rose watches the endless
row of doorways sliding past, like dark mouths.

32 IMAGE OF A CHILD, three years old, standing ankle deep
in water in the middle of an endless corridor. The child is
lost alone, crying.

33 Rose is shaken by the flood of memories and emotions.
Her eyes well up and she puts her head down, sobbing
quietly.

LIZZY
(taking the wheelchair)
I'm taking her to rest.

ROSE
No!

Her voice is surprisingly strong. The sweet little old lady
is gone, replaced by a woman with eyes of steel. Lovett
signals everyone to stay quiet.

LOVETT
Tell us, Rose.

She looks from screen to screen, the images of the ruined
ship.

ROSE
It's been 84 years...

LOVETT
Just tell us what you can--

ROSE
(holds up her hand for silence)
It's been 84 years... and I can
still smell the fresh paint.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
20.
CONTINUED: (2)
ROSE (cont'd)
The china had never been used. The
sheets had never been slept in.

He switches on the minirecorder and sets it near her.

ROSE
Titanic was called the Ship of
Dreams. And it was. It really
was...

As the underwater camera rises past the rusted bow rail, WE
DISSOLVE / MATCH MOVE to that same railing in 1912...

MATCH DISSOLVE:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Brock Lovett and his crew show Rose Calvert the images of the Titanic's wreckage and explain how it sank. Rose watches without emotion until memories flood back, and she breaks down crying. She regains composure, telling them about how the Titanic was the ship of dreams, and confesses to Brock that she knows more about the Heart of the Ocean diamond.
Strengths "The scene is a crucial turning point in the plot that sets up key elements for later in the film. It provides a deep and emotional insight into Rose's character and motivates Brock and his crew to seek out the Heart of the Ocean. The themes of love, loss, and nostalgia are prevalent and beautifully represented through the imagery of the Titanic's wreckage."
Weaknesses "The scene is heavily reliant on exposition and could have benefitted from more showing than telling. Bodine's simulation could have been visualized in a more engaging and dynamic manner. The pacing could also be improved, as it lingers on Rose's emotional breakdown."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the technical details of the sinking of the Titanic as well as Rose's emotional reaction to seeing the wreck on the monitors. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue can be clunky and expository at times. For example, when Bodine explains the sinking of the Titanic, his narration feels stilted and unnatural. It would be better if the dialogue flowed more naturally, as if the characters were having a conversation rather than reciting information for the audience's benefit.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more visual storytelling. While there are some powerful images, such as the shot of the child in the flooded corridor, there are also many moments where the dialogue simply describes what is happening on the screens. It would be more engaging if the scene incorporated more visual elements, such as flashes of the actual sinking or shots of Rose's reactions to the images.

Finally, the scene could use more tension and conflict. While there is a brief moment of tension when Lovett suggests Rose might not want to see the simulation, it quickly dissipates when Rose insists she's curious. Adding more conflict, whether it's between the characters or in Rose's own emotional struggle, would make the scene more engaging and memorable.

Overall, while the scene effectively conveys information and emotion, it could benefit from more natural dialogue, visual storytelling, and conflict.
Suggestions Firstly, the scene could benefit from some visual variety. Perhaps adding some close-ups of Rose's face as she watches the screens and reacts to the information could increase audience engagement. Additionally, the use of flashback and montage could be more effective. Instead of sudden flash cuts, incorporating smoother transitions and visual montages would help the audience further understand Rose's emotions and memories. It may also be helpful to give more context to Rose's reaction, as currently, her emotional outburst feels somewhat unearned. Finally, adding some tension or conflict between the characters in the scene could add depth and complexity to the overall story.



Scene 8 -  Boarding the Titanic
  • Overall: 8.2
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
34 EXT. SOUTHAMPTON DOCK - DAY 34

SHOT CONTINUES IN A FLORIOUS REVEAL as the gleaming white
superstructure of Titanic rises mountainously beyond the
rail, and above that the buff-colored funnels stand against
the sky like the pillars of a great temple. Crewmen move
across the deck, dwarfed by the awesome scale of the
steamer.

Southanmpton, England, April 10, 1912. It is almost nnon on
ailing day. A crowd of hundreds blackens the pier next to
Titanic like ants on a jelly sandwich.

IN FG a gorgeous burgundy RENAULT TOURING CAR swings into
frame, hanging from a loading crane. It is lowered toward
HATCH #2.

On the pier horsedrawn vehicles, motorcars and lorries move
slowly through the dense throng. The atmosphere is one of
excitement and general giddiness. People embrace in tearful
farewells, or wave and shout bon voyage wishes to friends
and relatives on the decks above.

A white RENAULT, leading a silver-gray DAIMLER-BENZ, pushes
through the crowd leaving a wake in the press of people.
Around the handsome cars people are streaming to board the
ship, jostling with hustling seamen and stokers, porters,
and barking WHITE STAR LINE officials.

The Renault stops and the LIVERIED DRIVER scurries to open
the door for a YOUNG WOMAN dressed in a stunning white and
purple outfit, with an enormous feathered hat. She is 17
years old and beautiful, regal of bearing, with piercing
eyes.

It is the girl in the drawing. ROSE. She looks up at the
ship, taking it in with cool appraisal.



(CONTINUED)
21.
34 CONTINUED: 34


ROSE
I don't see what all the fuss is
about. It doesn't look any bigger
than the Mauretania.

A PERSONAL VALET opens the door on the other side of the car
for CALEDON HOCKLEY, the 30 year old heir to the elder
Hockley's fortune. "Cal" is handsome, arrogant and rich
beyond meaning.

CAL
You can be blase about some things,
Rose, but not about Titanic. It's
over a hundred feet longer than
Mauretania, and far more luxurious. It
has squash courts, a Parisian cafe...
even Turkish baths.

Cal turns and fives his hand to Rose's mother, RUTH DEWITT
BUKATER, who descends from the touring car being him. Ruth
is a 40ish society empress, from one of the most prominent
Philadelphia families. She is a widow, and rules her
household with iron will.

CAL
Your daughter is much too hard to
impress, Ruth.
(indicating a puddle)
Mind your step.

RUTH
(gazing at the leviathan)
So this is the ship they say is
unsinkable.

CAL
It is unsinkable. God himself
couldn't sink this ship.

Cal speaks with the pride of a host providing a special
experience.

This entire entourage of rich Americans is impeccably turned
out, a quintessential example of the Edwardian upper class,
complete with servants. Cal's VALET, SPICER LOVEJOY, is a
tall and impassive, dour as an undertaker. Behind him
emerge TWO MAIDS, personal servants to Ruth and Rose.

A WHITE STAR LINE PORTER scurries toward them, harried by
last minute loading.




(CONTINUED)
22.
34 CONTINUED: (2) 34


PORTER
Sir, you'll have to check your
baggage through the main terminal,
round that way--

Cal nonchalantly hands the man a fiver. The porter's eyes
dilate. Five pounds was a monster tip in those days.

CAL
I put my faith in you, good sir.

CAL (CONT'D)
(curtly, indicating Lovejoy)
See my man.

PORTER
Yes, sir. My pleasure, sir.

Cal never tires of the effect of money on the unwashed
masses.

LOVEJOY
(to the porter)
These trunks here, and 12 more in the
Daimler. We'll have all this lot up
in the rooms.

The White Star man looks stricken when he sees the enormous
pile of steamer trunks and suitcases loading down the second
car, including wooden crates and steel safe. He whistles
frantically for some cargo-handlers nearby who come running.

Cal breezes on, leaving the minions to scramble. He quickly
checks his pocket watch.

CAL
We'd better hurry. This way,
ladies.

He indicates the way toward the first class gangway. They
move into the crowd. TRUDY BOLT, Rose's maid, hustles
behind them, laden with bags of her mistress's most recent
purchases... things too delicate for the baggage handlers.

Cal leads, weaving between vehicles and handcarts, hurrying
passengers (mostly second class and steerage) and well-
wishers. Most of the first class passengers are avoiding
the smelly press of the dockside crowd by using an elevated
boarding bridge, twenty feet above.




(CONTINUED)
23.
34 CONTINUED: (3) 34


They pass a line of steerage passengers in their coarse wool
and tweeds, queued up inside movable barriers like cattle in
a chute. A HEALTH OFFICER examines their heads one by one,
checking scalp and eyelashes for lice.

They pass a well-dressed young man cranking the handle of a
wooden Biograph "cinematograph" camera mounted on a tripod.
NANIEL MARVIN (whose father founded the Biograph Film
Studio) is filming his young bride in front of the Titanic.
MARY MARVIN stands stiffly and smiles, self conscious.

DANIEL
Look up at the ship, darling, that's it.
You're amazed! You can't believe
how big it is! Like a mountain.
That's great.

Mary Marvin, without an acting fiber in her body, does a bad
Clara Bow pantomime of awe, hands raised.

Cal is jostled by two yelling steerage boys who shove past
him. And he is bumped again a second later by the boys'
father.

CAL
Steady!!

MAN
Sorry squire!

The Cockney father pushes on, after his kids, shouting.

CAL
Steerage swine. Apparently missed his
annual bath.

RUTH
Honestly, Cal, if you weren't
forever booking everything at the
last instant, we could have gone
through the terminal instead of
running along the dock like some
squalid immigrant family.

CAL
All part of my charm, Ruth. At any
rate, it was my darling fiancee's
beauty rituals which made us late.

ROSE
You told me to change.



(CONTINUED)
24.
34 CONTINUED: (4) 34


CAL
I couldn't let you wear black on
sailing day, sweetpea. It's bad
luck.

ROSE
I felt like black.

Cal guides them out of the path of a horse-drawn wagon
loaded down with two tons of OXFORD MARMALADE, in wooden
cases, for Titanic's Victualling Department.

CAL
Here I've pulled every string I
could to book us on the grandest
ship in history, in her most
luxurious suites... and you act as if
you're going to your execution.

Rose looks up as the hull of Titanic looms over them...a
great iron wall, Bible black and sever. Cal motions her
forward, and she enters the gangway to the D Deck doors with
a sense of overwhelming dread.

OLD ROSE (V.O.)
It was the ship of dreams... to
everyone else. To me it was a slave
ship, taking me back to America in
chains.

CLOSE ON CAL'S HAND IN SLOW-MOTION as it closes possessively
over Rose's arm. He escorts her up the gangway and the
black hull of Titanic swallows them.

OLD ROSE (V.O.)
Outwardly I was everything a well
brought up girl should be. Inside, I
was screaming.

35 CUT TO a SCREAMING BLAST from the mighty triple steam
horns on Titanic's funnels, bellowing their departure
warning.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Rose, Cal and Ruth board the Titanic amidst a crowd of passengers and embark on their journey to America. Cal shows off the ship's luxurious features, while Rose feels trapped and distressed about the trip.
Strengths "The scene effectively captures the excitement and anticipation of passengers boarding the luxurious ship, as well as Rose's feelings of being trapped and powerless. The dialogue reveals the tension between Rose and Cal's perspectives."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks a strong plot development or conflict, and some of the dialogue feels generic."
Critique The scene is well-written and sets up the grandeur of the Titanic and the characters on board. The opening shot is particularly impressive, with the ship rising "mountainously" in the background. The descriptions of the characters and their surroundings are vivid and help to create a sense of the setting and the time period.

However, some of the dialogue feels a little bit forced and on-the-nose. For example, when Cal tells Rose that the Titanic is "over a hundred feet longer than Mauretania, and far more luxurious" it feels like he is just giving exposition to the audience. It might feel more natural if he was just excitedly describing the ship to Rose without explicitly telling her how much better it is than other ships.

Additionally, the references to "steerage swine" and "Missed his annual bath" feel unnecessarily classist and could be seen as insensitive. It's important to be cognizant of these kinds of attitudes when writing about historical time periods.

Overall, though, the scene is well-crafted and sets up the story to come.
Suggestions Overall, this scene could benefit from more character development and tension. One suggestion could be to focus more on the interactions between the characters rather than simply describing the setting. For example, instead of just mentioning that Rose is beautiful and regal, show us her personality through dialogue and actions. Additionally, there is an opportunity to introduce conflict between characters, particularly between Rose and Cal. This could be achieved by giving them different opinions or attitudes towards the trip, or by revealing conflicting motives for their involvement. Finally, consider adding more suspense or foreshadowing, such as hints of danger or ominous events to come, to keep the audience engaged and on the edge of their seat.



Scene 9 -  The Poker Game
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
36 EXT. SOUTHAMPTON DOCKS / TITANIC - DAY 36

A VIEW OF TITANIC from several blocks away, towering above
the terminal buildings like the skyline of a city. The
steamer's whistle echoes across Southampton.




(CONTINUED)
25.
36 CONTINUED: 36


PULL BACK, revealing that we were looking through a window,
and back further to show the smoky inside of a pub. It is
crowded with dockworkers and ship;s crew.

Just inside the window, a poker game is in progress. FOUR
MEN, in working class clothes, play a very serious hand.

JACK DAWSON and FABRIZIO DE ROSSI, both about 20, exchange a
glance as the other two players argue in Swedish. Jack is
American, a lanky drifter with his hair a little long for
the standards of the times. He is also unshaven, and his
clothes are rumpled from sleeping in them. He is an artist,
and has adopted the bohemian style of art scene in Paris.
He is also very self-possessed and sure-footed for 20,
having lived on his own since 15.

The TWO SWEDES continue their sullen argument, in Swedish.

OLAF
(subtitled)
You stupid fishhead. I can't
believe you bet our tickets.

SVEN
(subtitled)
You lost our money. I'm just trying to
get it back. Now shutup and take a card.

JACK
(jaunty)
Hit me again, Sven.

Jack takes the card and slips it into his hand.

ECU JACK'S EYES. They betray nothing.

CLOSE ON FABRIZIO licking his lips nervously as he refuses a
card.

ECU STACK in the middle of the table. Bills and coins from
four counrties. This has been going on for a while.
Sitting on top of the money are two 3RD CLASS TICKETS for
RMS TITANIC.

The Titanic's whistle blows again. Final warning.

JACK
The moment of truth boys.
Somebody's life's about to change.

Fabrizio puts his cards down. So do the Swedes. Jack holds
his close.


(CONTINUED)
26.
36 CONTINUED: (2) 36


JACK
Let's see... Fabrizio's got niente.
Olaf, you've got squat. Sven, uh
oh... two pair... mmm.
(turns to his friend)
Sorry Fabrizio.

FABRIZIO
What sorry? What you got? You lose my
money?? Ma va fa'n culo testa di cazzo--

JACK
Sorry, you're not gonna see your
mama again for a long time...

He slaps a full house down on the table.

JACK
(grinning)
'Cause you're goin' to America!!
Full house boys!

FABRIZIO
Porca Madonna!! YEEAAAAA!!!

The table explodes into shouting in several languages. Jack
rakes in the money and the tickets.

JACK
(to the Swedes)
Sorry boys. Three of a kind and a
pair. I'm high and you're dry
and...
(to Fabrizio)
... we're going to--

FABRIZIO/JACK

L'AMERICA!!!

Olaf balls up one huge farmer's fist. We think he's going
to clobber Jack, but he swings round and punches Sven, who
flops backward onto the floor and sits there, looking
depressed. Olaf forgets about Jack and Fabrizio, who are
dancing around, and goes into a rapid harangue of his stupid
cousin.

Jack kisses the tickets, then jumps on Fabrizio's back and
rides him around the pub. It's like they won the lottery.




(CONTINUED)
27.
CONTINUED:


JACK
Goin' home... to the land o' the
free and the home of the real hot-
dogs! On the TITANIC!! We're
ridin' in high style now! We're
practically goddamned royalty,
ragazzo mio!!

FABRIZIO
You see? Is my destinio!! Like I
told you. I go to l'America!! To be
a millionaire!!

FABRIZIO (CONT'D)
(to pubkeeper)
Capito?? I go to America!!

PUBKEEPER
No, mate. Titanic go to America. In
five minutes.

JACK
Shit!! Come on, Fabri!
(grabbing their stuff)
Come on!!
(to all, grinning)
It's been grand.

They run for the door.

PUBKEEPER
'Course I'm sure if they knew it was you
lot comin', they'd be pleased to wait!

CUT TO:

37 OMITTED 37
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Jack Dawson and Fabrizio Rossi, two friends, win third-class tickets to board the Titanic and travel to America. The poker game played in a smoky pub leads Jack and Fabrizio to a fortunate turn of events and a chance to start a new life.
Strengths "The scene sets up Jack and Fabrizio's backstory and their journey to board the Titanic. Their characters are introduced to the audience in an engaging and endearing way."
Weaknesses "The scene doesn't advance the main plot outside of introducing the two supporting characters. The dialogue, while charming and witty, doesn't provide much depth or significance."
Critique Overall, the scene does a good job of establishing the characters of Jack and Fabrizio and their excitement about traveling on the Titanic. However, there are some areas that could be improved.

One issue is that the dialogue is sometimes hard to follow, especially when the two Swedish characters are arguing in Swedish with subtitles. This disrupts the flow of the scene and could make it harder for viewers to engage with the characters and their motivations.

Another issue is that the scene doesn't have much action or conflict, aside from the brief scuffle between Olaf and Sven. While character development is important, it's also necessary to keep the audience engaged with plot and conflict.

Finally, there could be more sensory description to really immerse the audience in the setting of the pub and the excitement of the characters. Adding more detail about the sights, sounds, and smells of the space could make the scene more vivid and engaging.

Overall, the scene establishes the key characters and sets up their excitement about traveling on the Titanic, but could benefit from some tweaks to make it more engaging for viewers.
Suggestions First, there are a few typos in the scene that should be corrected such as "ship's" being spelled as "ship;s" and "four counrties" instead of "four countries."

Second, there could be more visual descriptions to convey the atmosphere of the pub and the excitement of the characters. For example, instead of simply saying the pub is crowded with dockworkers and ship's crew, perhaps describe the smell of alcohol and sweat in the air, the sound of raucous laughter and clinking glasses, and the way the characters are leaning in close to the table as they play the game.

Third, it may be helpful to make the dialogue more natural and flow better. For example, the line "Ma va fa'n culo testa di cazzo--" feels jarring and out of place in the current scene.

Fourth, consider adding more conflict or tension to the scene. Right now, it seems like everything is going smoothly for the characters without any obstacles in their way. Adding in some obstacles or a sense of danger could make the scene more engaging and impactful.



Scene 10 -  Boarding the Titanic
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
38 EXT. TERMINAL - TITANIC 38

Jack and Fabrizio, carrying everything they own in the world
in the kit bags on their shoulders, sprint toward the pier.
They tear through milling crowds next to the terminal.
Shouts go up behind them as they jostle slow-moving
gentlemen. They dodge piles of luggage, and weave through
groups of people. They burst out onto the pier and Jack
comes to a dead stop... staring at the cast wall of the
ship's hull, towering seven stories above the wharf and over
an eighth of a mile long. The Titanic is monstrous.

Fabrizio runs back and grabs Jack, and they sprint toward
the third class gangway aft, at E deck.


(CONTINUED)
28.
38 CONTINUED: 38

They reach the bottom of the ramp just as SIXTH OFFICER
MOODY detaches it at the top. It starts to swing down from
the gangway doors.

JACK
Wait!! We're passengers!

Flushed and panting, he waves the tickets.

MOODY
Have you been through the inspection
queue?

JACK
(lying cheerfully)
Of course! Anyway, we don't have
lice, we're Americans.
(glances at Fabrizio)
Both of us.

MOODY
(testy)
Right, come aboard.

Moody has QUARTERMASTER ROWE reattach the gangway. Jack and
Fabrizio come aboard. Moody glances at the tickets, then
passes Jack and Fabrizio through to Rowe. Rowe looks at the
names on the tickets to enter them in the passenger list.

ROWE
Gundersen. And...
(reading Fabrizio's)
Gundersen.

He hands the tickets back, eyeing Fabrizio's Mediterranean
looks suspiciously.

JACK
(grabbing Fabrizio's arm)
Come on, Sven.

Jack and Fabrizio whoop with victory as they run down the
white-painted corridero... grinning from ear to ear.

JACK
We are the luckiest sons of bitches in
the world!

CUT TO:

39 OMITTED 39
29.



40 EXT. TITANIC AND DOCK - DAY 40

The mooring lines, as big around as a man's arm, are dropped
into the water. A cheer goes up on the pier as SEVEN TUGS
pull the Titanic away from the quay.

CUT TO:

41 EXT. AFT WELL DECK / POOP DECK - DAY 41

JACK AND FABRIZIO burst through a door onto the aft well
deck. TRACKING WITH THEM as they run across the deck and up
the steel stairs to the poop deck. They get to the rail and
Jack starts to yell and wave to the crowd on the dock.

FABRIZIO
You know somebody?

JACK
Of course not. That's not the
point.
(to the crowd)
Goodbye! Goodbye!! I'll miss you!

Grinning, Fabrixio joins in, adding his voice to the swell
of voices, feeling the exhilaration of the moment.

FABRIZIO
Goodbye! I will never forget you!!

CUT TO:

42 OMITTED 42

EXT. SOUTHAMPTON DOCK - DAY

The crowd of cheering well-wishers waves heartily as a black
wall of metal moves past them. Impossibly tiny figues wave
back from the ship's rails. Titanic gathers speed.

CUT TO:

44 EXT. RIVER TEST - DAY 44

IN A LONG LENS SHOT the prow of Titanic FILLS FRAME behind
the lead tug, which is dwarfed. The bow wave spreads before
the mighty plow of the liner's hull as it moves down the
River Test toward the English Channel.

CUT TO:
30.



45 INT. THIRD CLASS BERTHING / G-DECK FORWARD - DAY 45

Jack and Fabrizio walk down a narrow corridor with doors
lining both sides like a college dorm. Total confusion as
people argue over luggage in several languages, or wander in
confusion in the labyrinth. They pass emigrants studying
the signs over the doors, and looking up the words in phrase
books.

They find their berth. It is a modest cubicle, painted
enamel white, with four bunks. Exposed pipes overhead. The
other two guys are already there. OLAUS and BJORN
GUNDERSEN.

Jack throws his kit on one open bunk, while Fabrizio takes
the other.

BJORN
(in Swedish/ subtitled)
Where is Sven?

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Jack and Fabrizio, carrying everything they own, board the Titanic and make their way to their third-class berth. They are excited and grateful for their luck in winning tickets.
Strengths "The scene establishes the excitement and wonder of boarding the Titanic while also highlighting the contrast between the classes on the ship."
Weaknesses "Not much happens in terms of plot or conflict."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively captures the excitement and chaos of boarding the Titanic as a third-class passenger. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved:

- There are some awkward phrasings, such as "cast wall of the ship's hull" and "white-painted corridero". These could be reworded for clarity and simplicity.
- It's not entirely clear why Moody is suspicious of Fabrizio's appearance, as just a few scenes earlier he had no problem passing them both through. Some additional context or dialogue could help explain this inconsistency.
- The scene could benefit from some more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere and immerse the audience in the setting. For example, describing the sounds and smells of the pier, or the feel of the wind as the ship pulls away.
- The dialogue is functional but not particularly memorable or unique. Adding some more personality or distinct voices to the characters would make them more memorable and engaging.
- The scene ends somewhat abruptly, without a clear transition or sense of closure. Some kind of resolution or segue into the next scene would help the scene feel more complete.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Add more description to set the scene and give a sense of atmosphere. For example: "The terminal is a chaotic scene, with crowds of people from all walks of life milling about, shouting to each other in a cacophony of languages. The air is thick with the smell of diesel fuel and salt water from the nearby harbor."

2. Build tension and stakes by showing the consequences of not making it on board the Titanic. For example, perhaps Jack and Fabrizio are running late and the ship is about to depart without them, leaving them stranded in a foreign country with no money or resources.

3. Strengthen the characterizations of Jack and Fabrizio, giving each a unique personality and voice. Perhaps Jack is more level-headed and pragmatic, while Fabrizio is impulsive and prone to exaggeration.

4. Consider adding a subplot or twist to the scene to make it more interesting and unpredictable. For example, what if Jack and Fabrizio are being pursued by someone or have a hidden agenda for getting on the Titanic?

5. Use sensory details to bring the scene to life and engage the reader's imagination. For example, describe the feel of the wooden gangway underfoot, the sound of the ship's engines churning, or the taste of salt water spray on their lips as they run towards the ship.



Scene 11 -  Luxury and Struggle on the Titanic
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
46 INT. SUITE B-52-56 - DAY 46

By contrast, the so-called "Millionaire Suite" is in the
Empire style, and comprises two bedrooms, a bath, WC,
wardrobe room, and a large sitting room. In addition there
is a private 50 foot promenade deck outside.

A room service waiter pours champagne into a tulip glass of
orange juice and hands the Bucks Fizz to Rose. She is
looking through her new paintings. There is a Monet of
water lilies, a Degas of dancers, and a few abstract works.
They are all unknown paintings... lost works.

Cal is out on the covered deck, which has potted trees and
vines on trellises, talking through the doorway to Rose in
the sitting room.

CAL
Those mud puddles were certainly a
waste of money.

ROSE
(looking at a cubist portrait)
You're wrong. They're fascinating.
Like in a dream... there's truth
without logic. What's his name
again... ?
(reading off the canvas)
Picasso.


(CONTINUED)
31.
46 CONTINUED: 46


CAL
(coming into the sitting room)
He'll never amount to a thing, trust me.
At least they were cheap.

A porter wheels Cal's private safe (which we recognize) into
the room on a handtruck.

CAL
Put that in the wardrobe.

47 IN THE BEDROOM Rose enters with the large Degas of the
dancers. She sets it on the dresser, near the canopy bed.
Trudy is already in there, hanging up some of Rose's
clothes.

TRUDY
It smells so brand new. Like they
built it all just for us. I mean...
just to think that tonight, when I
crawl between the sheets, Iill be the
first--

Cal appears in the doorway of the bedroom.

CAL
(looking at Rose)
And when I crawl between the sheets
tonight, I'll still be the first.

TRUDY
(blushing at the innuendo)
S'cuse me, Miss.

She edges around Cal and makes a quick exit. Cal comes up
behind Rose and puts his hands on her shoulders. An act of
possession, not intimacy.

CAL
The first and only. Forever.

Rose's expression shows how bleak a prospect this is for
her, now.

CUT TO:

48 EXT. CHERBOURG HARBOR, FRANCE - LATE DUSK 48

Titanic stands silhouetted against a purple post-sunset sky.
She is lit up like a floating palace, and her thousand
portholes reflect in the calm harbor waters. The 150 foot
tender Nomadic lies-to alongside, looking like a rowboat.


(CONTINUED)
32.
48 CONTINUED: 48

The lights of a Cherbourg harbor complete the postcard
image.

CUT TO:

49 INT. FIRST CLASS RECEPTION/ D-DECK 49

Entering the first class reception room from the tender are
a number of prominent passengers. A BROAD-SHOULDERED WOMAN
in an enormous feathered hat comes up the gangway, carrying
a suitcase in each hand, a spindly porter running to catch
up with her to take the bags.

WOMAN
Well, I wasn't about to wait all day for
you, sonny. Take 'em the rest of the
way if you think you can manage.

OLD ROSE (V.O.)
At Cherbourg a woman came aboard
named Margaret Brown, but we all
called her Molly. History would
call her the Unsinkable Molly Brown. Her
husband had struck gold someplace
out west, and she was what mother called
"new money".

At 45, MOLLY BROWN is a tough talking straightshooter who
dresses in the finery of her genteel peers but will never be
one of them.

OLD ROSE (V.O.)
By the next afternoon we had made our
final stop and we were steaming west
from the coast of Ireland, with nothing
out ahead of us but ocean...

CUT TO:

50 OMITTED 50

51 EXT. BOW - DAY 51

The ship glows with the warm creamy light of late afternoon.
Jack and Fabrizio stand right at the bow gripping the
curving railing so familiar from images of the wreck. Jack
leans over, looking down fifty feet to where the prow cuts
the surface like a knife, sending up two glassy sheets of
water.

CUT TO:
33.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Rose boards the Titanic with Cal and Ruth, feeling trapped and distressed about the trip. Jack and Fabrizio win third-class tickets to board and embark on their journey, excited and grateful for their luck. As the ship sets sail, Molly Brown also comes aboard, a tough-talking newcomer with new money. The scene portrays contrasting experiences of luxury and struggle on the Titanic.
Strengths "The scene sets up interesting conflicts and contrasts between the characters and their experiences on the Titanic. It also introduces the iconic figure of Molly Brown."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is a bit clich\u00e9d and predictable at times, and some of the character interactions feel forced."
Critique As a screenwriting language model AI, I do not have personal opinions. However, I can offer some feedback on the scene itself. The scene is well-written and provides some detail about the luxury of the suite, as well as some character development for Rose and Cal. It also sets up the introduction of Molly Brown. However, it may not be clear how this scene advances the plot or contributes to the overall story.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Add conflict: The scene feels lackluster as it doesn't have enough conflict or tension. Adding some drama or conflicts would make the audience more invested in the scene and the characters.

2. Show, don't tell: The scene is mostly exposition, with characters describing their surroundings and the paintings. Rather than telling the audience what the characters see, show the paintings, the sitting room, and the other visuals mentioned. This will make the scene more engaging and visual for the audience.

3. Character development: The scene doesn't do much to develop the characters, except to show that Cal is possessive and Rose is unhappy. Developing these characters more by showing their motivations and desires would make the scene more compelling.

4. Dialogue: The dialogue in the scene is functional but not particularly memorable or quotable. Adding clever, witty, or meaningful dialogue would improve the scene and make it more memorable.

5. Pacing: The scene is quite long, and the dialogue and action don't change much from start to finish. Trimming some of the repetition or adding more action would improve the pacing and make the scene feel less stagnant.



Scene 12 -  Setting Sail on the Titanic
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 6
  • Dialogue: 4
52 INT. / EXT. TITANIC - SERIES OF SCENES - DAY 52

ON THE BRIDGE, CAPTAIN SMITH turns from the binnacle to

FIRST OFFICER WILLIAM MURDOCH.

CAPTAIN SMITH
Take her to sea Mister Murdoch.
Let's stretch her legs.

Murdoch moves the engine telegraph lever to ALL AHEAD FULL.

53 NOW BEGINS a kind of musical/visual setpiece... an ode
to the great ship. The music is rhythmic, surging forward,
with a soaring melody that addresses the majesty and
optimism of the ship of dreams.

IN THE ENGINE ROOM the telegraph clangs and moves to "All
Ahead Full".

CHIEF ENGINEER BELL

All ahead full!

On the catwalk THOMAS ANDREWS, the shipbuilder, watches
carefully as the engineers and greasers scramble to adjust
valves. Towering above them are the twin RECIPROCATING
engines, four stories tall, their ten-foot-long connecting
rods surging up and down with the turning of the massive
crankshafts. The engines thunder like the footfalls of
marching giants.

54 IN THE BOILER ROOMS the STOKERS chant a song as they
hurl coal into the roaring furnaces. The "black gang" are
covered with sweat and coal dust, their muscles working like
part of the machinery as they toil in the hellish glow.

55 UNDERWATER the enormous bronze screws chop through the
water, hurling the steamer forward and churning up a vortex
of foam that lingers for miles behind the juggernaut ship.
Smoke pours from the funnels as--

56 The riven water flares higher at the bow as the ship's
speeds builds. THE CAMERA SWEEPS UP the prow to find Jack,
the wind streaming through his hair and--

57 Captain Smith steps out of the enclosed bridge onto the
wing. He stands with his hands on the rail, looking every
bit the storybook picture of a Captain... a great patriarch
of the sea.
34.



FIRST OFFICER MURDOCH

Twenty one knots, sir!

SMITH
She's got a bone in her teeth now, eh,
Mr. Murdoch.

Smith accepts a cup of tea from FIFTH OFFICER LOWE. He
contentedly watches the white V of water hurled outward from
the bows like an expression of his own personal power. They
are invulnerable, towering over the sea.

58 AT THE BOW Jack and Fabrizio lean far over, looking
down.

In the glassy bow-wave two dolphins appear, under the water,
running fast just in front of the steel blade of the prow.
They do it for the sheer joy and exultation of motion. Jack
watches the dolphins and grins. They breach, jumping clear
of the water and then dive back, crisscrossing in front of
the bow, dancing ahead of the juggernaut.

FABRIZIO looks forward across the Atlantic, staring into the
sunsparkles.

FABRIZIO
I can see the Statue of Liberty
already.
(grinning at Jack)
Very small... of course.

THE CAMERA ARCS around them, until they are framed against
the sea.

NOW WE PULL BACK, across the forecastle deck. Rising, as we
continue back, and the ships rolls endlessly forward
underneath. Over the bridge wing, along the boat deck until
her funnels come INTO FRAME besides us and march past like
the pillars of heaven, one by one. We pull back and up,
until we are looking down the funnels, and the people
strolling on the decks and standing at the rail become
antlike.

And still we pull back until the great lady is seen whole in
a gorgeous aerial portrait, black and severe in her majesty.

ISMAY (V.O.)
She is the largest moving object
ever made by the hand of man in all
history...

CUT TO:
35.
Genres: ["drama","adventure"]

Summary The Titanic sets sail from Southampton to New York, showcasing the luxury of the ship, from the bridge to the engine room and boiler rooms, and contrasting with the struggles of the stokers. Jack and Fabrizio lean over the bow and watch dolphins as they voyage towards America.
Strengths "The scene beautifully showcases the scale and majesty of the ship through stunning visuals and music. The contrast between luxury and struggle adds depth to the story. The brief appearance of the dolphins adds a touch of wonder and joy to the otherwise tense and foreboding atmosphere."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant character development or dialogue, focusing mainly on the ship itself. The music, while fitting, may come across as overly sentimental to some audiences."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I am unable to critique the creative content of screenwriting. However, I can provide suggestions on how to format this scene better. Each scene should start with a slugline that includes INT. or EXT. to indicate whether it is an interior or exterior shot. Also, as this scene is a series of scenes, it may be helpful to break them up into individual scenes instead of grouping them all together. Finally, the dialogue could benefit from some minor revisions to make it more concise and efficient in conveying the characters' emotions and intentions.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to make the scene more dynamic by introducing more conflict or tension. Perhaps there could be a problem with the engines that needs to be resolved, or a character could have a personal stake in the success of the voyage that creates stakes. Additionally, consider giving the characters more depth and backstory to make them more interesting and relatable to the audience. Finally, think about ways to visually convey the scale and majesty of the Titanic beyond just the aerial shot. Can you show the ship from different angles or perspectives? Can you highlight particular architectural features or unique aspects of the design? By doing so, you will enhance the sensory experience for the audience and make them feel as though they are really there.



Scene 13 -  Lunch with the Elites and a Brief Encounter
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 9
59 INT. PALM COURT RESTAURANT - DAY 59

CLOSE ON J. BRUCE ISMAY, Managing Director of White Star
Line.

ISMAY
...and our master shipbuilder, Mr.
Andrews here, designed her from the
keel plates up.

He indicates a handsome 39 year old Irish gentlemen to his
right, THOMAS ANDREWS, of Harland and Wolf Shipbuilders.

WIDER, showing the group assembled for lunch the next day.
Ismay seated with Cal, Rose, Ruth, Molly Brown and Thomas
Andrews in the Palm Court, a beautiful sunny spot enclosed
by high arched windows.

ANDREWS
(disliking the attention)
Well, I may have knocked her
together, but the idea was Mr.
Ismay's. He envisioned a steamer so
grand in scale, and so luxurious in its
appointments, that its supremacy would
never be challenged. And here she is...
(he slaps the table)
...willed into solid reality.

MOLLY
Why're ships always bein' called
"she"? Is it because men think half the
women around have big sterns and should
be weighed in tonnage?
(they all laugh)
Just another example of the men
settin' the rules their way.

The waiter arrives to take orders. Rose lights a cigarette.

RUTH
You know I don't like that, Rose.

CAL
She knows.

Cal takes the cigarette from her and stubs it out.

CAL
(to the waiter)
We'll both have the lamb. Rare,
with a little mint sauce.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
36.
59 CONTINUED: 59
CAL (cont'd)
(to Rose, after the waiter
moves away)
You like lamb, don't you sweetpea?

Molly is watching the dynamic between Rose, Cal and Ruth.

MOLLY
So, you gonna cut her meat for her too
there, Cal?
(turning to Ismay)
Hey, who came up with the name
Titanic? You, Bruce?

ISMAY
Yes, actually. I wanted to convey
sheer size. And size means
stability, luxury... and safety--

ROSE
Do you know of Dr. Freud? His ideas
about the male preoccupation with
size might be of particular interest to
you, Mr. Ismay.

Andrews chockes on his breadstick, suppressing laughter.

RUTH
My God, Rose, what's gotten into--

ROSE
Excuse me.

She stalks away.

RUTH
(mortified)
I do apologize.

MOLLY
She's a pistol, Cal. You sure you can
handle her?

CAL
(tense but feigning unconcern)
Well, I may have to start minding
what she reads from now on.

CUT TO:

60 EXT. POOP DECK / AFTER DECKS - DAY 60

Jack sits on a bench in the sun. Titanic's wake spreads out
behind him to the horizon.


(CONTINUED)
37.
60 CONTINUED: 60

He has his knees pulled up, supporting a leather bound
sketching pad, his only valuable possession. With conte
crayon he draws rapidly, using sure strokes. An emigrant
from Manchester named CARTMELL has his 3 year old daughter
CORA standing on the lower rung of the rail. She is
leaned back against his beer barrel of a stomach, watching
the seagulls.

THE SKETCH captures them perfectly, with a great sense of
the humanity of the moment. Jack is good. Really good.
Fabrizio looks over Jack's shoulder. He nods
appreciatively.

TOMMY RYAN, a scowling young Irish emigrant, watches as a
crewmember comes by, walking three small dogs around the
deck. One of them, a BLACK FRENCH BULLDOG, is among the
ugliest creatures on the planet.

TOMMY
That's typical. First class dogs
come down here to take a shit.

Jack looks up from his sketch.

JACK
That's so we know where we rank in the
scheme of things.

TOMMY
Like we could forget.

Jack glances across the well deck. At the aft railing of B
deck promenade stands ROSE, in a long yellow dress and white
gloves.

CLOSE ON JACK, unable to take his eyes off of her. They are
across from each other, about 60 feet apart, with the well
deck like a valley between them. She on her promontory, he
on his much lower one. She stares down at the water.

He watches her unpin her elaborate hat and take it off. She
looks at the frilly absurd thing, then tosses it over the
rail. It sails far down to the water and is carried away,
astern. A spot of yellow in the vast ocean. He is riveted
by her. She looks like a figure in a romantic novel, sad and
isolated.

Fabrizio taps Tommy and they both look at Jack gazin at
Rose. Fabrizio and Tommy grin at each other.

Rose turns suddenly and looks right at Jack. He is caught
staring, but he doesn't look away. She does, but then looks
back. Their eyes meet across the space of the well deck,
across the gulf between worlds.

(CONTINUED)
38.
60 CONTINUED: (2) 60


Jack sees a man (Cal) come up behind her and take her arm.
She jerks her arm away. They argue in pantomime. She
storms away, and he goes after her, disappearing along the A-
deck promenade. Jack stares after her.

TOMMY
Forget it, boyo. You'd as like have
angels fly out o' yer arse as get
next to the likes o' her.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary The scene shows J. Bruce Ismay boasting about the luxurious Titanic and Thomas Andrews being modest. Cal and Rose have lunch with Molly Brown, where Rose challenges Ismay's male-centric views. Jack sketches on the deck and has a brief encounter with Rose, catching her attention but also witnessing her argument with Cal.
Strengths "The scene introduces the opulence of the first-class passengers and contrasts it with the struggles of the third-class ones. The dialogue between Rose and Ismay addresses themes of gender and power dynamics. Jack's sketching and brief encounter with Rose adds a touch of romance to the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel slow-paced for some viewers, as it mostly involves the characters having lunch and talking. The conflict level and emotional impact are not as high as in other scenes."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and serves to introduce key characters and their personalities. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the dialogue between Molly and the group about the naming of ships as “she” feels a bit forced and unnatural. It doesn't add much to the scene and could be cut down or reworded for better flow.

Secondly, the transition between Rose's comment about Freud and her leaving the table feels abrupt and could benefit from some bridging dialogue or actions.

Finally, the exchange between Jack and Tommy could use some more context or development. The sudden appearance of the dogs and the comment about first class dogs feels out of place and could be better tied in with the rest of the scene.

Overall, the scene effectively sets up character dynamics and tensions, but there are a few moments that could be polished for better clarity and flow.
Suggestions Here are a few suggestions for improving the scene:

1. Introduce Ismay and Andrews with more description so the audience can better visualize them.
2. Add more action and blocking to the scene to break up the talking heads.
3. Consider giving Molly Brown a more significant role in the scene as she is a prominent character in the story.
4. Develop the dynamic between Rose, Cal, and Ruth further to add tension and depth to the scene.
5. Make Jack's art a more significant plot point or tie it in more closely to the overall story.
6. Consider adding more foreshadowing or clues that hint at the eventual tragedy of the Titanic.



Scene 14 -  Rose breaks down
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
61 INT. FIRST CLASS DINING SALOON - NIGHT 61

SLOWLY PUSHING IN ON ROSE as she sits, flanked by people in
heated conversation. Cal and Ruth are laughing together,
while on the other side LADY DUFF-GORDON is holding forth
animatedly. We don't hear what they are saying. Rose is
staring at her plate, barely listening to the
inconsequential babble around her.

OLD ROSE (V.O.)
I saw my whole life as if I'd
already lived it... an endless
parade of parties and cotillions,
yachts and polo matches... always the
same narrow people, the same mindless
chatter. I felt like I was standing at
a great precipice, with no one to pull
me back, no one who cared... or even
noticed.

ANGLE BENEATH TABLE showing Rose's hand, holding a tiny fork
from her crab salad. She pokes the crab-fork into the skin
of her arm, harder and harder until it draws blood.

CUT TO:

62 INT. CORRIDOR / B DECK - NIGHT 62

Rose walks along the corridor. A steward coming the other
way greets her, and she nods with a slight smile. She is
perfectly composed.

CUT TO:

63 INT. ROSE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 63

She enters the room. Stands in the middle, staring at her
reflection in the large vanity mirror. Just stands there,
then--



(CONTINUED)
39.
63 CONTINUED: 63


With a primal, anguished cry she claws at her throat,
ripping off her pearl necklace, which explodes across the
room. In a frenzy she tears at herself, her clothes, her
hair... then attacks the room. She flings everything off
the dresser and it flies clattering against the wall. She
hurls a handmirror against the vanity, cracking it.

CUT TO:

64 EXT. A DECK PROMENADE, AFT - NIGHT 64

Rose runs along the B deck promenade. She is dishevelled,
her hair flying. She is crying, her cheeks streaked with
tears. But also angry, furious! Shaking with emotions she
doesn't understand... hatred, self-hatred, desperation. A
strolling couple watch her pass. Shocked at the emotional
display in public.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Rose feels trapped and distressed with her life as a first-class passenger. She has lunch with Cal and Ruth, feeling like she's at a great precipice with no one who cares. She returns to her bedroom and has a wild outburst, attacking everything around her. She then runs along the promenade, crying and angry.
Strengths "The scene effectively conveys Rose's emotional turmoil and desperation. The visual depiction of her breakdown is compelling and intense."
Weaknesses "The dialogue in the scene is limited. We don't hear what is being said at the lunch table, which could have added more depth to the character relationships."
Critique Overall, the scene effectively conveys Rose's emotions through her actions and the use of voiceover narration. However, there are a few elements that could be improved upon.

First, the dialogue between the other characters in the dining saloon feels extraneous and unnecessary. It would be better for the scene to focus solely on Rose and her inner turmoil.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more specific and sensory details to really immerse the audience in Rose's experience. For example, describing the taste and texture of the crab salad, or the way the blood oozes from Rose's arm as she pokes it with the fork.

Finally, the transition from Rose calmly walking down the corridor to her sudden outburst in her bedroom feels a bit abrupt. It might be helpful to include some kind of trigger or catalyst for her emotional explosion, rather than just having it happen seemingly out of nowhere.

Overall, the scene effectively conveys Rose's emotional turmoil, but could benefit from some tweaks to make it even more impactful.
Suggestions Firstly, it would be beneficial to add more details about the surroundings and actions of the other characters in the dining saloon to enhance the atmosphere. This can help in setting the tone and creating a more immersive experience for the audience.

Secondly, it may be helpful to provide some hints or foreshadowing of Rose's distress before the scene in the dining saloon. This can help the audience better understand her emotional state and increase the impact of her outburst.

Lastly, it may be useful to include some dialogue for Rose in the scene before her emotional outburst. This can help create more empathy for her character and make her actions more understandable to the audience.



Scene 15 -  The Titanic's Stern Deck Drama
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
65 EXT. POOP DECK - NIGHT 65

Jack is kicked back on one of the benches gazing at the
stars blazing gloriously overhead. Thinking artist thoughts
and smoking a cigarette.

Hearing something, he turns as Rose runs up the stairs from
the well deck. They are the only two on the stern deck,
except for QUARTERMASTER ROWE, twenty feet above them on the
docking bridge catwalk. She doesn't see Jack in the
shadows, and runs right past him.

TRACKING WITH ROSE as she runs across the deserted fantail.
Her breath hitches in an occasional sob, which she
suppresses. Rose slams against the base of the stern
flagpole and clings there, panting. She stares out at the
black water.

Then starts to climb over the railing. She has to hitch her
long dress way up, and climbing is clumsy. Moving
methodically she turns her body and gets her heels on the
white-painted gunwale, her back to the railing, facing out
toward blackness. 60 feet below her, the massive propellers
are churning the atlantin into white foam, and a ghostly
wake trails off toward the horizon.

IN A LOW ANGLE, we see Rose standing like a figurehead in
reverse. Below her are the huge letters of the name
"TITANIC".

She leans out, her arms straightening... looking down
hypnotized, into the vortex below her. Her dress and hair
are lifted by the wind of the ship's movement.

(CONTINUED)
40.
65 CONTINUED: 65

The only sound, above the rush of water below, is the
flutter and snap of the big Union Jack right above her.

JACK
Don't do it.

She whips her head around at the sound of his voice. It
takes a second for her eyes to focus.

ROSE
Stay back! Don't come any closer!

Jack sees the tear tracks on her cheeks in the faint glow
from the stern running lights.

JACK
Take my hand. I'll pull you back in.

ROSE
No! Stay where you are. I mean it.
I'll let go.

JACK
No you won't.

ROSE
What do you mean no I won't? Don't
presume to tell me what I will and
will not do. You don't know me.

JACK
You would have done it already. Now
come on, take my hand.

Rose is confused now. She can't see him very well through
the tears, so she wipes them with one hand, almost losing
her balance.

ROSE
You're distracting me. Go away.

JACK
I can't. I'm involved now. If you let
go I have to jump in after you.

ROSE
Don't be absurd. You'll be killed.

He takes off his jacket.

JACK
I'm a good swimmer.

He starts unlacing his left shoe.

(CONTINUED)
41.
65 CONTINUED: (2) 65


ROSE
The fall alone would kill you.

JACK
It would hurt. I'm not saying it
wouldn't. To be honest I'm a lot
more concerned about the water being so
cold.

She looks down. The reality factor of what she is doing is
sinking in.

ROSE
How cold?

JACK
(taking off his left shoe)
Freezing. Maybe a couple degrees
over.

He starts unlacing his right shoe.

JACK
Ever been to Wisconsin?

ROSE
(perplexed)
No.

JACK
Well they have some of the coldest
winters around, and I grew up there,
near Chippewa Falls. Once when I was
a kid me and my father were ice- fishing
out on Lake Wissota... ice- fishing's
where you chop a hole in the--

ROSE
I know what ice fishing is!

JACK
Sorry. Just... you look like kind of
an indoor girl. Anyway, I went through
some thin ice and I'm tellin' ya,
water that cold... like that right down
there... it hits you like a thousand
knives all over your body. You can't
breath, you can't think... least not
about anything but the pain.
(takes off his other shoe)
Which is why I'm not looking forward to
jumping in after you. But like I said,
I don't see a choice.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
42.
65 CONTINUED: (3) 65
JACK (cont'd)
I guess I'm kinda hoping you'll come
back over the rail and get me off
the hook here.

ROSE
You're crazy.

JACK
That's what everybody says. But
with all due respect, I'm not the one
hanging off the back of a ship.

He slides one step closer, like moving up on a spooked
horse.

JACK
Come on. You don't want to do this.
Give me your hand.

Rose stares at this madman for a long time. She looks at
his eyes and they somehow suddenly seem to fill her
universe.

ROSE
Alright.

She unfastens one hand from the rail and reaches it around
toward him. He reaches out to take it, firmly.

JACK
I'm Jack Dawson.

ROSE
(voice quavering)
Pleased to meet you, Mr. Dawson.

Rose starts to turn. Now that she has decided to live, the
height is terrifying. She is overcome by vertigo as she
shifts her footing, turning to face the ship. As she starts
to climb, her dress gets in the way, and one foot slips off
the edge of the deck.

She plunges, letting out a piercing SHRIEK. Jack, gripping
her hand, is jerked toward the rail. Rose barely grabs a
lower rail with her free hand.

QUARTERMASTER ROWE, up on the docking bridge hears the
scream and heads for the ladder.

ROSE
HELP! HELP!!

JACK
I've got you. I won't let go.

(CONTINUED)
43.
65 CONTINUED: (4) 65


Jack holds her hand with all his strength, bracing himself
on the railing with his other hand. Rose tries to get some
kind of foothold on the smooth hull. Jack tries to lift her
bodily over the railing. She can't get any footing in her
dress and evening shoes, and she slips back. Rose SCREAMS
again.

Jack, awkwardly clutching Rose by whatever he can get a grip
on as she flails, gets her over the railing. They fall
together onto the deck in a tangled heap, spinning in such a
way that Jack winds up slightly on top of her.

Rowe slides down the ladder from the docking bridge like
it's a fire drill and sprints across the fantail.

ROWE
Here, what's all this?!

Rowe runs up and pulls Jack off of Rose, revealing her
dishevelled and sobbing on the deck. Her dress is torn, and
the hem is pushing up above her knees, showing one ripped
stocking. He looks at Jack, the shaggy steerage man with
his jacket off, and the first class lady clearly in
distress, and starts drawing conclusions. Two seamen chug
across the deck to join them.

ROWE
(to Jack)
Here you, stand back! Don't move an
inch!
(to the seamen)
Fetch the Master at Arms.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["drama","romance"]

Summary As Rose struggles with her unhappy life as a first-class passenger, she contemplates suicide by climbing over the railing of the Titanic's stern deck. Jack intervenes and tries to convince her to come back, ultimately saving her life. The scene showcases the stark contrast between the luxurious first-class experience and the struggles of those in steerage.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional scene
  • Great character development for Rose and Jack
  • Beautiful visuals
Weaknesses
  • Slightly cliché dialogue
  • A bit predictable
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The tension builds as Rose climbs over the railing, and the dialogue between Rose and Jack is believable.

One suggestion for improvement would be to add more physical description of the characters and the setting. For example, what does Jack look like? How does the moonlight play off the waves below? Adding more sensory details could enhance the reader's experience of the scene.

Additionally, there are a few moments where the dialogue feels a bit forced or on-the-nose, such as when Jack explains his experience with cold water. It may be more effective to show Jack shivering or rubbing his arms to convey how cold it is.

Overall, the scene effectively conveys the danger and intensity of the situation, and sets up the characters' relationship for the rest of the story.
Suggestions There are a few suggestions that can be made to improve this scene:

1. Add more urgency: This is a life or death situation, yet the scene lacks urgency. Adding moments of quick cuts, close-ups and fast-paced editing can heighten the tension and make the moment more dramatic.

2. Develop the characters' emotions: Although we know that Rose is upset, it's not clear what her motivations are for wanting to jump off the ship. Similarly, we don't know much about Jack's character, besides the fact that he's a "shaggy steerage man." Developing their emotions and backstory can make the scene more emotionally impactful.

3. Use the setting more: The scene takes place on the poop deck of the Titanic, which is an iconic location. However, there is little description of the setting and no real use of the location to enhance the drama and tension of the scene. Utilizing the setting, such as the sound of the ship's engines or the wind blowing through the sails, can add another layer to the scene.

4. Show, don't tell: There's a lot of dialogue in the scene that explains what's happening and how the characters are feeling. However, it's more effective to show the audience these emotions and actions rather than relying on dialogue to explain them. For example, showing Rose's fear and hesitation through her body language and facial expressions can be more impactful than her saying "I'm afraid."

By incorporating these suggestions, the scene can be improved to better captivate the audience and convey the emotions and stakes of the moment.



Scene 16 -  Saving Rose
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
66 EXT. POOP DECK - NIGHT 66

A few minutes later. Jack is being detained by the burly
MASTER AT ARMS, the closest thing to a cop on board. He is
handcuffing Jack. Cal is right in front of Jack, and
furious. He has obviously just rushed out here with Lovejoy
and another man, and none of them have coats over their
black tie evening dress. The other man is COLONEL ARCHIBALD
GRACIE, a mustachioed blowhard who still has his brandy
snifter. He offers it to Rose, who is hunched over crying
on a bench nearby, but she waves it away. Cal is more
concerned with Jack. He grabs him by the lapels.

CAL
What made you think you could put
your hands on my fiancee?! Look at me,
you filth! What did you think you were
doing?!

(CONTINUED)
44.
66 CONTINUED: 66


ROSE
Cal, stop! It was an accident.

CAL
An accident?!

ROSE
It was... stupid really. I was
leaning over and I slipped.

Rose looks at Jack, getting eye contact.

ROSE
I was leaning way over, to see
the... ah... propellers. And I
slipped and I would have gone
overboard... and Mr. Dawson here
saved me and he almost went over
himself.

CAL
You wanted to see the propellers?

GRACIE
(shaking his head)
Women and machinery do not mix.

MASTER AT ARMS
(to Jack)
Was that the way of it?

Rose is begging him with her eyes not to say what really
happened.

JACK
Uh huh. That was pretty much it.

He looks at Rose a moment longer. Now they have a secret
together.

COLONEL GRACIE
Well! The boy's a hero then. Good for
you son, well done!
(to Cal)
So it's all's well and back to our
brandy, eh?

Jack is uncuffed. Cal gets Rose to her feet and moving.

CAL
(rubbing her arms)
Let's get you in. You're freezing.


(CONTINUED)
45.
66 CONTINUED: (2) 66


Cal is leaving without a second thought for Jack.

GRACIE
(low)
Ah... perhaps a little something for the
boy?

CAL
Oh, right. Mr. Lovejoy. A twenty
should do it.

ROSE
Is that the going rate for saving the
woman you love?

CAL
Rose is displeased. Mmm... what to do?

Cal turns back to Jack. He appraises him condescendingly...
a steerage ruffian, unwashed and ill-mannered.

CAL
I know.
(to Jack)
Perhaps you could join us for dinner
tomorrow, to regale our group with
your heroic tale?

JACK
(looking straight at Rose)
Sure. Count me in.

CAL
Good. Settled then.

Cal turns to go, putting a protective arm around Rose. he
leans close to Gracie as they walk away.

CAL
This should be amusing.

JACK
(as Lovejoy passes)
Can I bum a cigarette?

Lovejoy smoothly draws a silver cigarette case from his
jacket and snaps it open. Jack takes a cigarette, then
another, popping it behind his ear for later. Lovejoy
lights Jack's cigarette.

LOVEJOY
You'll want to tie those.
(Jack looks at his shoes)
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
46.
66 CONTINUED: (3) 66
LOVEJOY (cont'd)
Interesting that the young lady
slipped so mighty all of a sudden and
you still had time to take of your
jacket and shoes. Mmmm?

Lovejoy's expression is bland, but the eyes are cold. He
turns away to join his group.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["drama","romance"]

Summary Jack saves Rose from falling overboard and is detained by Cal and Lovejoy. Rose lies to protect him and Cal invites Jack to dinner the next night, sneering at him behind his back.
Strengths "The scene raises the stakes for Jack by putting him in a difficult position. The character dynamics are well-developed and the conflict is intense."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue is a bit on-the-nose and predictable."
Critique The scene effectively sets up the conflict between Jack and Cal, and establishes Rose's gratitude towards Jack. The dialogue is mostly natural and believable, though some of the lines come across as clichéd, such as Gracie's "Women and machinery do not mix." However, the scene could benefit from more action and movement, as it mostly consists of characters standing and talking. Some physicality or blocking would add visual interest to the scene. Additionally, the stage directions could be more descriptive and vivid in order to give a better sense of the setting and characters' emotions. Overall, the scene is a solid foundation for the conflict between the main characters, but could benefit from more action and descriptive writing.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and sets up some conflicts and dynamics between the characters. However, here are a few suggestions to improve the scene:

1. Show, don't tell: Instead of having Rose explain what happened, consider showing the accident in a quick flashback or through Jack's eyes.

2. Increase tension: The scene could benefit from more tension and stakes. Perhaps Rose's slip could have been more dangerous, and it could be unclear whether Jack will be punished severely for his actions.

3. Develop characters further: Cal, Rose, and Jack's characters could be more fully developed in this scene. Consider giving them more backstory or motivations that drive their actions and reactions.

4. Cut down on exposition: The dialogue between Cal and Gracie about women and machinery feels a bit forced and expositional. Consider finding a more natural way to convey their attitudes towards Rose's accident.



Scene 17 -  The Necklace
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
67 INT. ROSE'S BEDROOM - NIGHT 67

As she undresses for bed Rose sees Cal standing in her
doorway, reflected in the cracked mirror of her vanity. He
comes toward her.

CAL
(unexpectedly tender)
I know you've een melancholy, and I
don't pretent to know why.

From behind his back he hands her a large black velvet jewel
case. She takes it, numbly.

CAL
I intended to save this till the
engagement gals next week. But I
thought tonight, perhaps a reminder of
my feeling for you...

Rose slowly opens the box. Inside is the necklace... "HEART
OF THE OCEAN" in all its glory. It is huge... a malevolent
blue stone glittering with an infinity of scalpel-like inner
reflections.

ROSE
My God... Cal. Is it a--

CAL
Daimond. Yes it is. 56 carats.

He takes the necklace and during the following places it
around her throat. He turns her to the mirror, staring
behind her.

CAL
It was once worn by Louis the
Sixteenth. They call it Le Coeur de la
Mer, the--

ROSE
The Heart of the Ocean. Cal,
it's... it's overwhelming.


(CONTINUED)
47.
67 CONTINUED: 67


He gazes at the image of the two of them in the mirror.

CAL
It's for royalty. And we are
royalty.

His fingers caress her neck and throat. He seems himself to
be disarmed by Rose's elegance and beauty. His emotion is,
for the first time, unguarded.

CAL
There's nothing I couldn't give you.
There's nothing I'd deny you if you
would deny me. Open your heart to me,
Rose.

CAMERA begins to TRACK IN ON ROSE. Closer and closer,
during the following:

OLD ROSE (V.O.)
Of course his gift was only to
reflect light back onto himself, to
illuminate the greatness that was
Caledon Hockley. It was a cold
stone... a heart of ice.

Finally, when Rose's eyes FILL FRAM, we MORPH SLOWLY to her
eyes as the are now... transforming through 84 years of
life...

TRANSITION

68 INT. KELDYSH IMAGING SHACK 68

Without a cut the wrinkled, weathered landscape of age has
appeared around her eyes. But the eyes themselves are the
same.

OLD ROSE
After all these years, feel it
closing around my throat like a dog
collar.

THE CAMERA PUllS BACK to show her whole face.

ROSE
I can still feel its weight. If you
could have felt it, not just seen
it...

LOVETT
Well, that's the general idea, my
dear.

(CONTINUED)
48.
68 CONTINUED: 68


BODINE
So let me get this right. You were
gonna kill yourself by jumping off the
Titanic?
(he guffaws)
That's great!

LOVETT
(warningly)
Lewis...

But Rose laughs with Bodine.

BODINE
(still laughing)
All you had to do was wait two days!

Lovett, standing out of Rose's sightline, checks his watch.
Hours have passed. This process is taking too long.

LOVETT
Rose, tell us more about the
diamond. What did Hockley do with it
after that?

ROSE
Im afraid I'm feeling a little
tired, Mr. Lovett.

Lizzy picks up the cue and starts to wheel her out.

LOVETT
Wait! Can you give us something go on,
here. Like who had access to the
safe. What about this Lovejoy guy?
The valet. Did he have the
combination?

LIZZY
That's enough.

Lizzy takes her out. Rose's old hand reapears at the
doorway in a frail wave goodbye.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Cal gives Rose the Heart of the Ocean necklace and professes his love for her, while Rose feels trapped and suffocated by her first-class life. In the present day, Rose recounts the story of the necklace and her struggles on the Titanic to treasure hunters.
Strengths "The scene beautifully contrasts the excess and frivolity of the wealthy with the struggles and misery of those beneath them. The dialogue is witty and clever, revealing the deep-seated currents of power and control at play between the characters."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels melodramatic and over-the-top, which detracts from the emotional impact of the scene."
Critique This scene is well written and advances the plot of the story, but there are a few minor issues with the dialogue and description. The dialogue between Cal and Rose could be more nuanced and less on-the-nose. Some of the lines, such as "It's for royalty. And we are royalty," feel forced and could be rewritten to sound more authentic and less melodramatic. Additionally, the description of the necklace as "malevolent" and "a heart of ice" could be toned down, as it feels too heavy-handed.

Overall, the scene effectively sets up the importance of the Heart of the Ocean necklace and its connection to Cal's character, while also foreshadowing the dramatic events that will occur later in the story. However, some minor revisions to the dialogue and description could make it more effective and less heavy-handed.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and effective in conveying Cal's attempt to win over Rose with his lavish gift and romantic words. However, there are a few areas that could be improved:

1. Show, don't tell - When Rose opens the jewel case and sees the necklace, she says, "My God... Cal. Is it a diamond. Yes it is. 56 carats." This dialogue feels a bit on the nose and could be replaced by a more subtle reaction from Rose, such as a gasp or a stunned expression. Similarly, when Cal describes the necklace as being for royalty, it would be more effective to show Rose's reaction rather than having her say "it's overwhelming."

2. Use more descriptive language - The description of the necklace as a "malevolent blue stone glittering with an infinity of scalpel-like inner reflections" is strong, but there could be more descriptive language used throughout the scene to really immerse the audience in the setting and the characters' emotions. For example, what does Rose's bedroom look like? Is there a particular smell or texture to the velvet case?

3. Consider pacing - The scene goes on for several pages and could benefit from some tightening up. Some of the dialogue between Cal and Rose feels a bit repetitive, particularly his use of the word "royalty." Additionally, the transition from Rose looking at herself in the mirror to her aged self could be smoother - perhaps there could be a visual effect used to indicate the passage of time.

Overall, the scene is effective in conveying Cal's attempt to win Rose over, but could be improved with some tweaks to the dialogue, description, and pacing.



Scene 18 -  Rose's Suicide Attempt and Jack's Intervention
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
69 EXT. LAUNCH AREA/KELDYSH DECK - DAY 69

As the big hydraulic jib swings one of the Mir subs out over
the water. Lovett walks as he talks with Bobby Buell, the
partners' rep. They weave among deck cranes, launch crew,
sub maintenance guys.


(CONTINUED)
49.
69 CONTINUED: 69


BUELL
The partners are pissed.

BROCK
Bobby, buy me time. I need time.

BUELL
We're running thirty thousand a day, and
we're six days over. I'm telling
you what they're telling me. The hand
is on the plug. It's starting to
pull.

BROCK
Well you tell the hand I need
another two days! Bobby, Bobby,
Bobby... we're close! I smell it. I
smell ice. She had the diamond on...
now we just have to find out where it
wound up. I just gotta work her a bit
more. Okay?

Brock turns and sees Lizy standing behind him. She has
overheard the past part of his dialogue with Buell. He goes
to her and hustles her away from Buell, toward a quite spot
on the deck.

BROCK
Hey, Lizzy. I need to talk to you for
a second.

LIZZY
Don't you mean work me?

BROCK
Look, I'm running out of time. I
need your help.

LIZZY
I'm not going to help you browbeat my
hundred and

LIZZY (CONT'D)
one year old grandmother. I came
down here to tell you to back off.

BROCK
(with undisguised desperation)
Lizzy... you gotta understand
something. I've bet it all to find the
Heart of the Ocean. I've got all my
dough tied up in this thing. My wife
even divorced me over this hunt.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
50.
69 CONTINUED: (2) 69
BROCK (cont'd)
I need what's locked inside your
grandma's memory.
(he holds out his hand)
You see this? Right here?

She looks at his hand, palm up. Empty. Cupped, as if
around an imaginary shape.

LIZZY
What?

BROCK
That's the shape my hand's gonna be
when I hold that thing. You
understand? I'm not leaving here
without it.

LIZZY
Look, Brock, she's going to do this her
way, in her own time. Don't forget,
she contacted you. She's out here
for her own reasons, God knows what
they are.

LOVETT
Maybe she wants to make peace with the
past.

LIZZY
What past? She has never once, not
once, ever said a word about being on
the Titanic until two days ago.

LOVETT
Then we're all meeting your
grandmother for the first time.

LIZZY
(looks at him hard)
You think she was really there?

LOVETT
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm a believer. She
was there.

CUT TO:

70 INT. IMAGING SHACK 70

Bodine starts the tape recorder. Rose is gazing at the
screen seeing THE LIVE FEED FROM THE WRECK--SNOOP DOG is
moving along the starboard side of the hull, heading aft.
The rectangular windows of A deck (forward) march past on
the right.

(CONTINUED)
51.
70 CONTINUED: 70


ROSE
The next day, Saturday, I remember
thinking how the sunlight felt.

DISSOLVE TO:

71 EXT. B DECK TITANIC - DAY 71

MATCH DISSOLVE from the rusting hulk to the gleaming new
Titanic in 1912, passing the end of the enclosed promenade
just as Rose walks into the sunlight right in front of us.
She is stunningly dressed and walking with purpose.

OLD ROSE (V.O.)
As if I hadn't felt the sun in
years.

IT IS SATURDAY APRIL 13, 1912. Rose unlatches the gate to
go down into third class. The steerage men on the deck stop
what they're doing and stare at her.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Rose feels trapped and distressed with her life as a first-class passenger. She contemplates suicide by climbing over the railing of the Titanic's stern deck. Jack intervenes and tries to convince her to come back, ultimately saving her life.
Strengths "The scene is emotionally charged and serves as a turning point for the characters. It highlights the stark contrast between the luxurious first-class experience and the struggles of those in steerage."
Weaknesses "There may be some inconsistencies with the historical accuracy of the scene."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and advances the plot. However, there are a few areas where improvements could be made.

First, the scene could benefit from more visual description. Currently, there is a lot of dialogue, but not much description of the characters' actions or surroundings. The setting and actions of the characters could be more fully fleshed out to create a richer visual experience for the audience.

Second, the scene could use more subtext. The dialogue is very on-the-nose and doesn't leave much to the imagination. Adding some hidden intentions or meaning behind the characters' words could make the scene more engaging and complex.

Finally, there could be more conflict. While there is tension between Lovett and Brock over the search for the Heart of the Ocean, and tension between Brock and Lizzy over his pressure on her grandmother, the conflict could be heightened further. Adding more stakes or complications to the situation could create more urgency and tension in the scene.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. First and foremost, clarify the visual elements of the scene. It is not clear which characters are walking, where they are walking to, and who is in the background. Provide more details about the location and the actions of the characters.

2. Consider tightening the dialogue between Brock and Buell. The conversation doesn't feel organic, and the information about the partners being angry doesn't come across strongly enough. Consider starting the conversation right away with Buell saying something like, "The partners are ready to pull the plug."

3. Work on making Lizzy's lines more authentic. She comes across as very passive and not very invested in the situation. Consider giving her more of a perspective and a stronger voice in the conversation, especially since she is the one with the valuable information.

4. The transition from the conversation on the deck to the imaging shack feels abrupt and disjointed. Consider finding a more natural way to move the scene from the deck to the shack, and make sure it is clear where the characters are and what they are doing.

Overall, focus on making the scene more visually engaging, with strong character interactions and clear progressions from one moment to the next.



Scene 19 -  Contrasts in Steerage
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
72 INT. THIRD CLASS GENERAL ROOM 72

The social center of steerage life. It is stark by
comparison to the opulence of first class, but is a loud,
boisterous place. There are mothers with babies, kids
running between the benches yelling in several languages and
being scolded in several more. There are old women yelling,
men playing chess, girls doing needlepoint and reading dime
novels. There is even an upright piano and Tommy Ryan is
noodling around it.

Three boys, shrieking and shouting, are scrambling around
chasing a rat under the benches, trying to whomp it with a
shoe and causing general havoc. Jack is playing with 5 year
old CORA CARTMeLL, drawing funny faces together in his
sketchbook.

Fabrizio is struggling to get a conversation going with an
attractive Norwegian girl, HELGA DAHL, sitting with her
family at a table across the room.

FABRIZIO
No Italian? Some little English?

HELGA
No, no. Norwegian. Only.

Helga's eye is caught by something. Fabrizio looks, does a
take... and Jack, curious, follows their gaze to see...


(CONTINUED)
52.
72 CONTINUED: 72


Rose, coming toward them. The activity in the room stops...
a hush falls. Rose feels suddenly self-conscious as the
steerage passengers stare openly at this princess, some with
resentment, others with awe. She spots Jack and gives a
little smile, walking straight to him. He rises to meet
her, smiling.

ROSE
Hello Jack.

Fabrizio and Tommy are floored. Its like the slipper
fitting Cinderella.

JACK
Hello again.

ROSE
Could I speak to you in private?

JACK
Uh, yes. Of course. After you.

He motions her ahead and follows. Jack glances over his
shoulder, one eyebrow raised, as he walks out with her
leaving a stunned silence.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Rose feels trapped and distressed with her life as a first-class passenger and contemplates suicide but is ultimately saved by Jack in steerage. A stark contrast is shown between the luxurious first-class experience and the struggles of those in steerage.
Strengths "The scene effectively shows the stark contrast between the luxurious first-class experience and the struggles of those in steerage, highlighting Rose's difficult situation. The characters are well-developed and the dialogue appropriately reflects the tense and emotional situation."
Weaknesses "The scene may be slow-paced for some viewers, especially those looking for action or suspense. Some of the plot threads may feel predictable or clich\u00e9."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively sets the atmosphere of the Third Class General Room, with its chaotic and diverse group of passengers. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon:

- The description of the room is a little too on-the-nose and could benefit from some more sensory details and specific observations that would help bring it to life. For example, what does it smell like? What are the colors of the walls or benches? How does the noise level change as different groups of people interact?

- The action with the boys chasing the rat feels a bit extraneous and doesn't add much to the scene. It could be cut without harm to the overall story.

- The dialogue between Fabrizio and Helga feels a bit stilted and unnatural. It could be improved with some more specific language choices and a clearer sense of what each character is actually trying to achieve in the interaction.

- The moment where Rose arrives and all eyes turn to her feels a bit cliched and melodramatic, but it could work well on screen depending on the direction and tone of the scene.

- The interaction between Rose and Jack is well-written and engaging, with a good balance of tension and flirtation. It effectively sets up their growing romance and the complications that will come with it.

Overall, the scene has potential as an effective piece of character and plot development, but could benefit from some more specific and nuanced writing in certain areas.
Suggestions Firstly, the scene could benefit from more descriptive language to create an immersive atmosphere in the location. Rather than just stating that the room is loud and boisterous, try to describe the smells, sounds, and sights that exist in the space. It could also be helpful to add more detail about the physical appearance of the room and the people in it.

Secondly, the focus of the scene should be on the conversation between Rose and Jack. There should be more tension and stakes in their interaction, rather than just a casual conversation. By raising the stakes between the two characters, the scene will become more interesting and engaging for the audience.

Finally, it might be worth considering adding a conflict or complication to the scene. Currently, it feels as though the scene is merely a setup for a later event, but adding a conflict in the moment could make the scene feel more consequential and keep the audience more engaged.



Scene 20 -  Sketching on the Deck
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
73 EXT. BOAT DECK - DAY 73

Jack and Rose walk side by side. They pass people reading
and talking in steamer chairs, some of whom glance curiously
at the mismatched couple. He feels out of place in his
rough clothes. They are both awkward, for different
reasons.

JACK
So, you got a name by the way?

ROSE
Rose. Rose DeWitt Bukater.

JACK
That's quite a moniker. I may hafta get
you to write that down.

There is an awkward pause.

ROSE
Mr. Dawson, I--

JACK
Jack.

(CONTINUED)
53.
73 CONTINUED: 73


ROSE
Jack... I feel like such an idiot. It
took me all morning to get up the nerve
to face you.

JACK
Well, here you are.

ROSE
Here I am. I... I want to thank you for
what you did. Not just for... for
pulling me back. But for your
discretion.

JACK
You're welcome. Rose.

ROSE
Look, I know what you must be
thinking! Poor little rich girl.
What does she know about misery?

JACK
That's not what I was thinking.
What I was thinking was... what
could have happened to hurt this
girl so much she though she had no way
out.

ROSE
I don't... it wasn't just one thing. It
was everything. It was them, it was
their whole world. And I was trapped
in it, like an insect in amber.
(in a rush)
I just had to get away... just run and
run and run... and then I was at the
back rail and there was no more ship...
even the Titanic wasn't big enough. Not
enough to get away from them. And
before I'd really though about it, I
was over the rail. I was so furious.
I'll show them. They'll be sorry!

JACK
Uh huh. They'll be sorry. 'Course
you'll be dead.

ROSE
(she lowers her head)
Oh God, I am such an utter fool.



(CONTINUED)
54.
73 CONTINUED: (2) 73


JACK
That penguin last night, is he one of
them?

ROSE
Penguin? Oh, Cal! He is them.

JACK
Is he your boyfriend?

ROSE
Worse I'm afraid.

She shows him her engagement ring. A sizable diamond.

JACK
Gawd look at that thing! You would
have gone straight to the bottom.

They laugh together. A passing steward scowls at Jack, who
is clearly not a first class passenger, but Rose just glares
at him away.

JACK
So you feel like you're stuck on a
train you can't get off 'cause
you're marryin' this fella.

ROSE
Yes, exactly!

JACK
So don't marry him.

ROSE
If only it were that simple.

JACK
It is that simple.

ROSE
Oh, Jack... please don't judge me
until you've seen my world.

JACK
Well, I guess I will tonight.

Looking for another topic, any other topic, she indicates
his sketchbook.

ROSE
What's this?


(CONTINUED)
55.
73 CONTINUED: (3) 73


JACK
Just some sketches.

ROSE
May I?

The question is rhetorical because she has already grabbed
the book. She sits on a deck chair and opens the
sketchbook. ON JACK'S sketches... each one an expressive
little bit of humanity: an old woman's hands, a sleeping
man, a father and daughter at the rail. The faces are
luminous and alive. His book is a celebration of the human
condition.

ROSE
Jack, these are quite good! Really,
they are.

JACK
Well, they didn't think too much of 'em
in Paree.

Some loose sketches fall out and are taken by the wind.
Jack scrambles after them... catching two, but the rest are
gone, over the rail.

ROSE
Oh no! Oh, I'm so sorry. Truly!

JACK
Well, they didn't think too much of 'em
in Paree.

He snaps his wrist, shaking his drawing hand in a flourish.

JACK
I just seem to spew 'em out.
Besides, they're not worth a damn
anyway.

For emphasis he throws away the two he caught. They sail
off.

ROSE
(laughing)
You're deranged!

She goes back to the book, turning a page.

ROSE
Well, well...



(CONTINUED)
56.
73 CONTINUED: (4) 73


She has come upon a series of nudes. Rose is transfixed by
the languid beauty he has created. His nudes are soulful,
real, with expressive hands and eyes. They feel more like
portraits than studies of the human form... almost
uncomfortably intimate. Rose blushes, raising the book as
some strollers go by.

ROSE
(trying to be very adult)
And these were drawn from life?

JACK
Yup. That's one of the great things
about Paris. Lots of girls willing
take their clothes off.

She studies one drawing in particular, the girl posed half
in sunlight, half in shadow. Her hands lie at her chin, one
furled and one open like a flower, languid and graceful.
The drawing is like an Alfred Steiglitz print of Georgia
O'Keefe.

ROSE
You liked this woman. You used her
several times.

JACK
She had beautiful hands.

ROSE
(smiling)
I think you must have had a love
affair with her...

JACK
(laughing)
No, no! Just with her hands.

ROSE
(looking up from the drawings)
You have a gift, Jack. You do. You see
people.

JACK
I see you.

There it is. That piercing gaze again.

ROSE
And...?




(CONTINUED)
57.
73 CONTINUED: (5) 73


JACK
You wouldn'ta jumped.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Jack and Rose have a heartfelt conversation on the deck of the Titanic. Jack shares his sketches with Rose and they discuss their different backgrounds and current situations. Rose expresses her feelings of being trapped in her first-class life and contemplates suicide, but Jack intervenes and saves her. The scene also reveals a stark contrast between the luxurious lifestyle of the first-class passengers and the struggles of those in steerage.
Strengths
  • Heartfelt conversation between Jack and Rose
  • Exposure of the stark contrast between first class and steerage
  • Intimate moment of Jack seeing people and seeing Rose
Weaknesses
  • A bit slow-paced and exposition-heavy at times
Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of establishing the dynamic between Jack and Rose and setting up their relationship to come. It also establishes Rose's unhappiness with her current situation and provides insight into her past. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved:

1. Show, don't tell: The dialogue in the scene often relies on characters explicitly stating their feelings and thoughts rather than showing them through action or subtext. For example, when Rose says "I feel like such an idiot," it would be more effective to see her actions and reactions play out rather than having her state it outright.

2. Consider pacing: The scene is a bit long and could benefit from some editing to tighten it up. There are moments where the dialogue seems to drag on and the scene could benefit from some visual storytelling to break it up.

3. Characterization: While we get a good sense of Rose's character and motivations, Jack's character is less fleshed out in this scene. It would be helpful to see more of his personality and backstory come through in his interactions with Rose.

4. Setting: While the setting is briefly described, it could be more fully realized through descriptive language and visual descriptions. This would help to transport the audience into the scene and make it feel more immersive.

Overall, this is a solid scene that effectively sets up the characters and their relationship. With a few tweaks, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions The scene has good dialogue and character development, but it could benefit from more visual cues and action to break up the dialogue and make it visually interesting.

Here are some suggestions:
- Instead of just having Jack and Rose walk side by side, give them something to do or look at that adds visual interest. For example, they could be watching the ocean waves or pointing out something interesting on the deck.
- Consider adding more descriptive language to help readers better visualize the scene. For example, instead of just saying "some strollers go by," describe what those strollers are doing or saying.
- Add more action beats to break up the dialogue and give characters something to do with their bodies. For example, instead of just saying "There is an awkward pause," describe what the characters are doing or how they are feeling during that pause.
- Consider using different camera angles or shots to help create visual interest. For example, you could use a close-up shot of Jack or Rose's face to emphasize their emotions during certain lines of dialogue.



Scene 21 -  Tea Time and Artistic Dreams
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
74 INT. RECEPTION ROOM / D-DECK - DAY 74

Ruth is having tea with NOEL LUCY MARTHA DYER-EDWARDES, the
COUNTESS OF ROTHES, a 35ish English blue-blood with
patirician features. Ruth sees someone coming across the
room and lowers her voice.

RUTH
Oh no, that vulgar Brown woman is
coming this way. Get up, quickly
before she sits with us.

Molly Brown walks up, greeting them cheerfully as they are
rising.

MOLLY
Hello girls, I was hoping I'd catch you
at tea.

RUTH
We're awfully sorry you missed it. The
Countess and I are just off to take the
air on the boat deck.

MOLLY
That sounds great. Let's go. I
need to catch up on the gossip.

Ruth grits her teeth as the three of them head for the Grand
Staircase to go up. TRACKING WITH THEM, as they cross the
room, the SHOT HANDS OFF to Bruce Ismay and Captain Smith at
another table.

ISMAY
So you've not lit the last four
boilers then?

SMITH
No, but we're making excellent time.

ISMAY
(impatiently)
Captain, the press knows the size of
Titanic, let them marvel at her
speed too. We must give them
something new to print. And the
maiden voyage of Titnaic must make
headlines!

(CONTINUED)
58.
74 CONTINUED: 74


SMITH
I prefer not to push the engines
until they've been properly run in.

ISMAY
Of course I leave it to your good
offices to decide what's best, but
what a glorious end to your last
crossing if we get into New York
Tuesday night and surprise them all.
(Ismay slaps his hand on the
table)
Retire with a bang, eh, E.J?

A beat. Then Smith nods, stiffy.

CUT TO:

75 EXT. A DECK PROMENADE - DAY 75

Rose and Jack stroll aft, past people lounging on deck
chairs in the slanting late-afternoon light. Stewards
scurry to serve tea or hot cocoa.

ROSE
(girlish and excited)
You know, my dream has always been to
just chuck it all and become an
artist... living in a garret, poor but
free!

JACK
(laughing)
You wouldn't last two days. There's no
hot water, and hardly ever any caviar.

ROSE
(angry in a flash)
Listen, buster... I hate caviar! And
I'm tired of people dismissing my
dreams with a chuckle and a pat on the
head.

JACK
I'm sorry. Really... I am.

ROSE
Well, alright. There's something in me,
Jack. I feel it. I don't know what it
is, whether I should be an artist,
or, I don't know... a dancer.
Like Isadora Duncan.... a wild pagan
spirit...

(CONTINUED)
59.
75 CONTINUED: 75


She leaps forward, lands deftly and whirls like a dervish.
Then she sees something ahead and her face lights up.

ROSE
...or a moving picture actress!

She takes his hand and runs, pulling him along the deck
toward--

DANIEL AND MARY MARVIN. Daniel is cranking the big wooden
movie camera as she poses stiffly at the rail.

MARVIN
You're sad. Sad, sad, sad. You've
left your lover on the shore. You may
never see him agian. Try to be sadder,
darling.

SUDDENLY Rose shoots into the shot and strikes a theatrical
pose at the rail next to Mary. Mary bursts out laughing.
Rose pulls Jack into the picture and makes him pose.

Marvin grins and starts yelling and gesturing. We see this
in CUTS, with music and no dialogue.

SERIES OF CUTS:

Rose posing tragically at the rail, the back of her hand to
her forehead.

Jack on a deck chair, pretending to be a Pasha, the two
girls pantomiming fanning him like slave girls.

Jack, on his knees, pleading with his hands clasped while
Rose, standing, turns her head in bored disdain.

Rose cranking the camera, while Daniel and Jack have a
western shoot-out. Jack wins and leers into the lens,
twirling an air mustache like Snidely Whiplash.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Ruth and her aristocratic friend snub Molly Brown, while Bruce Ismay and Captain Smith discuss increasing Titanic's speed despite not running in the engines. Meanwhile, Rose and Jack talk and dream about artistic pursuits before hijacking a movie shoot for fun.
Strengths "The scene establishes the class differences present on the Titanic while also showcasing Rose's personality outside of her privileged life. The playful interaction between Rose and Jack brings some levity to the film."
Weaknesses "The tension between the characters in the scene is relatively low compared to other scenes in the film. The hijacking of the movie shoot feels slightly out of place."
Critique
Suggestions One suggestion to improve this scene would be to add more conflict or tension. While there is some tension between Ruth and Molly Brown, it is quickly resolved and does not add much to the overall plot. The scene could benefit from more dramatic tension, such as a confrontation between Jack and Cal or Rose and Cal. This would also help to further develop the characters and their motivations. Additionally, the scene could benefit from more visual descriptions to help set the mood and tone, especially in the outdoor settings.



Scene 22 -  Spitting Lesson
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
76 EXT. A DECK PROMENADE / AFT - SUNSET 76

Painted with orange light, Jack and Rose lean on the A-deck
rail aft, shoulder to shoulder. The ship's lights come on.

It is a magical moment... perfect.

ROSE
So then what, Mr. Wandering Jack?



(CONTINUED)
60.
76 CONTINUED: 76


JACK
Well, then logging got to be too
much like work, so I went down to Los
Angelas to the pier in Santa Monica.
That's a swell place, they even have
a rollercoaster. I sketched
portraits there for ten cents a
piece.

ROSE
A whole ten cents?!

JACK
(not getting it)
Yeah; it was great money... I could
make a dollar a day, sometimes. But
only in summer. When it got cold, I
decided to go to Paris and see what the
real artists were doing.

ROSE
(looks at the dusk sky)
Why can't I be like you Jack? Just
head out for the horizon whenever I
feel like it.
(turning to him)
Say we'll go there, sometime... to
that pier... even if we only ever
just talk about it.

JACK
Alright, we're going. We'll drink
cheap beer and go on the
rollercoaster until we throw up and
we'll ride horses on the beach...
right in the surf... but you have to
ride like a cowboy, none of that
side-saddle stuff.

ROSE
You mean one leg on each side?
Scandalous! Can you show me?

JACK
Sure. If you like.

ROSE
(smiling at him)
I think I would.
(she looks at the horizon)
And teach me to spit too. Like a
man. Why should only men be able to
spit. It's unfair.

(CONTINUED)
61.
76 CONTINUED: (2) 76


JACK
They didn't teach you that in
finishing school? Here, it's easy.
Watch closely.

He spits. It arcs out over the water.

JACK
Your turn.

Rose screws up her mouth and spits. A pathetic little bit
of foamy spittle which mostly runs down her chin before
falling off into the water.

JACK
Nope, that was pitiful. Here, like
this... you hawk it down...
HHHNNNK!... then roll it on your
tongue, up to the front, like thith,
then a big breath and PLOOOW!! You see
the range on that thing?

She goes through the steps. Hawks it down, etc. He coaches
her through it (ad lib) while doing the steps himself. She
lets fly. So does he. Two comets of gob fly out over the
water.

JACK
That was great!

Rose turns to him, her face alight. Suddenly she blanches.
He sees her expression and turns.

RUTH, the Countess of Rothes, and Molly Brown have been
watching them hawking lugees. Rose becomes instantly
composed.

ROSE
Mother, may I introduce Jack Dawson.

RUTH
Charmed, I'm sure.

Jack has a little spit running down his chin. He doesn't
know it. Molly Brown is grinning. As Rose proceeds with
the introductions, we hear...

OLD ROSE (V.O.)
The others were gracious and curious
about the man who'd saved my life. But
my mother looked at him like an insect.
A dangerous insect which must be
squashed quickly.

(CONTINUED)
62.
76 CONTINUED: (3) 76


MOLLY
Well, Jack, it sounds like you're a
good man to have around in a sticky
spot--

They all jump as a BUGLER sounds the meal call right behind
them.

MOLLY
Why do they insist on always
announcing dinner like a damn
cavalry charge?

ROSE
Shall we go dress, mother?
(over her shoulder)
See you at dinner, Jack.

RUTH
(as they walk away)
Rose, look at you... out in the sun
with no hat. Honestly!

The Countess exits with Ruth and Rose, leaving Jack and
Molly alone on deck.

MOLLY
Son, do you have the slightest
comprehension of what you're doing?

JACK
Not really.

MOLLY
Well, you're about to go into the
snakepit. I hope you're ready.
What are you planning to wear?

Jack looks down at his clothes. Back up at her. He hadn't
thought about that.

MOLLY
I figured.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Jack and Rose have a playful conversation on the deck of the Titanic where Jack teaches Rose to spit like a man. Meanwhile, Ruth and her aristocratic friend look down on them, but Molly Brown seems to be on Jack's side. The scene establishes a playful and charming moment between Jack and Rose, while also revealing class differences and tensions.
Strengths
  • The dialogue between Jack and Rose is fun and engaging, showing their personalities and interests.
  • The spitting lesson is a memorable moment that highlights their playful chemistry.
  • Molly Brown's presence adds a nice contrast to Ruth's snobbery.
Weaknesses
  • The scene lacks significant plot development or conflict.
  • Ruth and her friend's snobbery feels like a bit of an unnecessary distraction.
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging. The dialogue between Jack and Rose is playful and shows their connection. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the description of the scene could benefit from more specific and evocative language. Instead of just saying the scene is "magical" and "perfect," the writer could use sensory details to create a more vivid image for the reader.

Secondly, the transition from the playful conversation to the introduction of the Countess and Molly Brown is somewhat abrupt. It may have been smoother to have some foreshadowing or build-up to their arrival, rather than having them suddenly appear while Jack and Rose are spitting.

Thirdly, the character of Molly Brown is introduced somewhat abruptly and without much explanation of who she is or why she is important. While it's possible that the audience would already know this information, as a written scene, it could use a bit more context.

Overall, the scene is engaging and well-written, but there are a few areas that could be improved with more specific language and smoother transitions.
Suggestions The scene overall is well-written and captures the chemistry between Jack and Rose. However, there are a few suggestions to enhance the scene:

1. Exaggerate the magical moment- The scene calls for a magical moment and it could be heightened by adding more atmospheric details like the wind blowing Rose's hair or birds flying in the distance. These details could be added to enhance the beauty of the sunset and make the moment even more memorable.

2. Create more tension- As the scene plays out, there is a lack of conflict or tension. One way to add tension to the scene is to have someone interrupt their conversation, creating an awkward encounter for Jack and Rose.

3. Add more character development- Apart from the conversation between Jack and Rose, there is little development in the scene. By giving the supporting characters like Ruth and Molly more dialogue, and delving deeper into their personalities and history with Jack, the scene could be enriched and give the audience a better understanding of the story's characters.

4. Make the scene shorter- The scene lasts for over two minutes, which could risk losing the audience's attention. Reducing the length, by cutting down on irrelevant details, and making sure that every word advances the story, could improve the scene's pace.



Scene 23 -  Molly Brown Ties a Bow Tie and Jack Goes to First Class
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 6
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
77 INT. MOLLY BROWN'S STATEROOM 77

Men's suits and jackets and formal wear are strewn all over
the place. Molly is having a fine time. Jack is dressed,
except for his jacket, and Molly is tying his bow tie.



(CONTINUED)
63.
77 CONTINUED: 77


MOLLY
Don't feel bad about it. My husband
still can't tie one of these damn
things after 20 years. There you go.

She picks up a jacket off the bed and hands it to him. Jack
goes into the bathroom to put it on. Molly starts picking
up the stuff off the bed.

MOLLY
I gotta buy everything in three
sizes 'cause I never know how much
he's been eating while I'm away.

She turns and sees him, though we don't.

MOLLY
My, my, my... you shine up like a new
penny.

CUT TO:

78 EXT. BOAT DECK / FIRST CLAsS ENTRANCE - DUSK

A purple sky, shot with orange, in the west. Drifting
strains of classic music. We TRACK WITH JACK along the
deck. By Edwardian standards he looks badass. Dashing in
his borrowed white-tie outfit, right down to his pearl
studs.

A steward bows and smartly opens the door to the First Class
Entrance.

STEWARD
Good evening, sir.

Jack plays the role smoothly. Nods with just the right
degree of disdain.

CUT TO:

79 INT. UPPER LANDING / GRAND STAIRCASE AND A-DECK 79

Jack steps in and his breath is taken away by the splendor
spread out before him. Overhead is the enormous glass dome,
with a crystal chandelier at its center. Sweeping down six
stories is the First Class Grand Staircase, the epitome of
the opulent naval architecture of the time.

And the people: the women in their floor length dresses,
elaborate hairstyles and abundant jewelry... the gentlemen
in evening dress, standing with one hand at the small of the
back, talking quietly.

(CONTINUED)
64.
79 CONTINUED: 79


Jack descends to A deck. Several men nod a perfunctory
greeting. He nods back, keeping it simple. He feels like a
spy.

Cal comes down the stairs, with Ruth on his arm, covered in
jewelry. They both walk right past Jack, neither one
gecognizeing him. Cal nods at him, one gent to another.
But Jack barely has time to be amused. Because just behind
Cal and Ruth on the stairs is Rose, a vision in red and
black, her low-cut dress showing off her neck and shoulders,
her arms seathed in white gloves that come well above above
the elbow. Jack is hypnotized by her beauty.

CLOSE ON ROSE as she approaches Jack. He imitates the
gentlemen's stance, hand behind his back. She extends her
gloved hand and he takes it, kissing the back of her
fingers. Rose flushes, beaming noticeably. She can't take
her eyes off him.

JACK
I saw that in a nickelodean once, and
I always wanted to do it.

ROSE
Cal, surely you remember Mr. Dawson.

CAL
(caught off guard)
Dawson! I didn't recognize you.
(studies him)
Amazing! You could almost pass for a
gentlemen.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Comedy"]

Summary Molly teaches Jack how to tie a bow tie and Jack puts on his borrowed first-class outfit for the evening. He enters First Class and is awestruck by the beauty and opulence of the surroundings. He meets Rose who is equally taken by him despite her engagement to Cal.
Strengths "The scene is visually stunning and provides a glimpse of the opulence of First Class. The chemistry between Jack and Rose is charming and playful. Molly Brown adds a touch of humor to the scene."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks significant conflict or tension and doesn't contribute much to the overall plot beyond establishing Jack and Rose's connection."
Critique Overall, the scene effectively creates the luxurious and glamorous atmosphere of the Titanic's first class. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue between Molly and Jack feels a bit forced and exposition-heavy. It's understandable that the writer wants to establish Molly's character and show their growing friendship, but it could be done in a more natural way.

Secondly, the description of Jack as "badass" seems out of place in the Edwardian setting and detracts from the overall tone. It would be better to describe him as handsome or suave.

Lastly, the exchange between Cal and Jack at the end feels a bit cliche and predictable. It's a classic setup of the arrogant aristocrat vs the adventurous outsider, and it would be more interesting to subvert expectations and add more nuance to their dynamic.

Overall, the scene sets the stage nicely for the upcoming events on the ship, and with some minor adjustments, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more action for the characters in the scene. Right now, it feels like a lot of dialogue with not much happening beyond Molly tying Jack's bow tie and them picking up clothes. Consider adding more movement or activities for the characters to do while they have their conversation, such as pouring drinks or trying on different clothing items. Additionally, adding more description of the setting could help to create a more vivid picture for the reader and add to the grandeur of the scene. Finally, consider adding some tension or conflict to the scene to keep the audience engaged, such as a heated argument between characters or a suspicious interaction with someone else on the boat.



Scene 24 -  First-Class Dinner
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
80 INT. D-DECK RECEPTION ROOM 80

CUT TO THE RECEPTION ROOM ON D DECK, as the party descends
to dinner. They encounter Molly Brown, looking good in a
beaded dress, in her own busty broad-shouldered way. Molly
grins when she sees Jack. As they are going into the dining
saloon she walks next to him, speaking low:

MOLLY
Ain't nothin' to it, is there, Jack?

JACK
Yeah, you just dress like a
pallbearer and keep your nose up.




(CONTINUED)
65.
80 CONTINUED: 80


MOLLY
Remember, the only thing they
respect is money, so just act like
you've got a lot of it and you're in the
club.

As they enter the swirling throng, Rose leans close to him,
pointing out several notables.

ROSE
There's the Countess Rothes. And
that's John Jacob Astor... the
richest man on the ship. His little
wifey there, Madeleine, is my age and
in a delicate condition. See how she's
trying to hide it. Quite the scandal.
(nodding toward a couple)
And over there, that's Sir Cosmo and
Lucile, Lady Duff-Gordon. She
designs naughty lingerie, among her
many talents. Very popular with the
royals.

Cal becomes engrossed in a conversations with Cosmo Duff-
Gordon and Colonel Gracie, while Ruth, the Countess and
Lucille discuss fashion. Rose picots Jack smoothly, to show
him another couple, dressed impeccably.

ROSE
And that's Benjamin Guggenheim and his
mistress, Madame Aubert. Mrs.
Guggenheim is at home with the
children, of course.

Cal, meanwhile, is accepting the praise of his male
counterparts, who are looking at Rose like a prize show
horse.

SIR COSMO
Hockley, she is splendid.

CAL
Thank you.

GRACIE
Cal's a lucky man. I know him well, and
it can only be luck.

Ruth steps over, hearing the last. She takes Cal's arm,
somewhat coquettishly.




(CONTINUED)
66.
80 CONTINUED: (2) 80


RUTH
How can you say that Colonel?
Caledon Hockley is a great catch.

The entourage strolls toward the dining saloon, where they
run into the Astor's going through the ornate double doors.

ROSE
J.J., Madeleine, I'd like you to
meet Jack Dawson.

ASTOR
(shaking his hand)
Good to meet you Jack. Are you of the
Boston Dawsons?

JACK
No, the Chippewa Falls Dawsons,
actually.

J.J. nods as if he's heard of them, then looks puzzled.
Madeleine Astor appraises Jack and whispers girlishly to
Rose:

MADELEINE
It's a pity we're both spoken for,
isn't it?

CUT TO:

81 INT. DINING SALOON 81

Like a ballroom at the palace, alive and lit by a
constellation of chandeliers, full of elegantly dressed
people and beautiful music from BANDLEADER WALLACE HARTLEY'S
small orchestra. As Rose and Jack enter and move across the
room to their table, Cal and Ruth beside them, we hear...

OLD ROSE (V.O.)
He must have been nervous but he
never faltered. They assumed he was one
of them... a young captain of industry
perhaps... new money, obviously,
but still a memeber of the club.
Mother of course, could always be
counted upon...

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Jack and Rose attend a first-class dinner on the Titanic and navigate the social dynamics and class tensions of the wealthy passengers. They mingle with notable figures such as John Jacob Astor and Benjamin Guggenheim and experience the opulence of the dining saloon.
Strengths "The scene effectively establishes the luxurious setting and class tensions of the first-class passengers while also showcasing the chemistry and charm of Jack and Rose. The introduction of notable historical figures adds depth to the historical context of the story."
Weaknesses "The scene does not advance the central conflict or plotline of the story and may be seen as purely decorative or indulgent."
Critique There are a few things to consider in this scene. First, the pacing feels a bit slow. While it's important to establish the setting and introduce the characters, the dialogue drags a bit and could benefit from being tightened up.

In terms of character development, Molly Brown and Rose seem to have some depth, but the male characters feel a bit one-dimensional. Cal is portrayed as arrogant and Ruth is slightly coquettish but it's hard to get a sense of their motivations or personalities beyond these surface level traits.

The dialogue also feels a bit on the nose in terms of establishing social hierarchies and class differences. While it's important to set up these dynamics for the plot, the characters could benefit from a more subtle approach to dialogue that reveals their intentions and emotions more organically.

Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from a bit more nuance in character development and dialogue.
Suggestions The scene could benefit from more character development and conflict. Perhaps there could be more tension between Jack and Cal, and their differing backgrounds. This could add to the stakes in the social setting they are in. Additionally, the conversation between Molly and Jack could be expanded upon to provide more insight into Molly's character and her relationships with the other characters. Finally, there could be more attention given to the historical context of the scene, with references to the impending tragedy of the Titanic later in the film.



Scene 25 -  First-Class Dinner
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
82 INT. DINING SALOON 82
67.



CLOSE ON RUTH.

RUTH
Tell us of the accommodations in
steerage, Mr. Dawson. I hear
they're quite good on this ship.

WIDER: THE TABLE. Jack is seated opposite Rose, who is
flanked by Cal and Thomas Andrews. Also at the table are
Molly Brown, Ismay, Colonel Gracie, the Countess,
Guggenheim, Madame Aubert, and the Astors.

JACK
The best I've seen, m'am. Hardly any
rats.

Rose motions surreptitiously for Jack to take his napkin off
his plate.

CAL
Mr. Dawson is joining us from third
class. He was of some assistance to my
fiancee last night.
(to Jack, as if to a child)
This is foie gras. It's goose
liver.

We see whispers exchanged. Jack becomesthe subject of
furtive glances. Now they're all feeling terribly liberal
and dangerous.

GUGGENHEIM
(low to Madame Aubert)
What is Hockly hoping to prove,
bringing this... bohemian... up
here?

WAITER
(to Jack)
How do you take your caviar, sir?

CAL
(answering for him)
Just a soupcon of lemon...
(to Jack, smiling)
...it improves the flavor with
champagne.

JACK
(to the waiter)
No caviar for me, thanks.
(to Cal)
Never did like it much.

(CONTINUED)
68.
CONTINUED:


He looks at Rose, pokerfaced, and she smiles.

RUTH
And where exactly do you live, Mr.
Dawson?

JACK
Well, right now my address is the RMS
Titanic. After that, I'm on God's
good humor.

Salad is served. Jack reaches for the fish fork. Rose
gives him a look and picks up the salad fork, prompting him
with her eyes. He changes forks.

RUTH
You find that sort of rootless
existence appealing, do you?

JACK
Well... it's a big world, and I want to
see it all before I go. My father
was always talkin' about goin' to
see the ocean. He died in the town he
was born in, and never did see it.
You can't wait around, because you
never know what hand you're going to
get dealt next. See, my folks died in
a fire when I was fifteen, and I've
been on the road since. Somethin'
like that teaches you to take life as it
comes at you. To make each day count.

Molly Brown raises her glass in a salute.

MOLLY
Well said, Jack.

COLONEL GRACIE
(raising his glass)
Here, here.

Rose raises her glass, looking at Jack.

ROSE
To making it count.

Ruth, annoyed that Jack has scored a point, presses him
further.

RUTH
How is it you have the means to
travel, Mr. Dawson?

(CONTINUED)
69.
CONTINUED: (2)


JACK
I work my way from place to place.
Tramp steamers and such. I won my
ticket on Titanic here in a lucky
hand at poker.
(he glances at Rose)
A very lucky hand.

GRACIE
All life is a game of luck.

CAL
A real man makes his own luck,
Archie.

Rose notices that Thomas Andrews, sitting next to her, is
writing in his notebook, completely ignoring the
conversation.

ROSE
Mr. Andrews, what are you doing? I see
you everywhere writing in this little
book.
(grabs it and reads)
Increase number of screws in hat
hooks from 2 to 3. You build the
biggest ship in the world and this
preoccupies you?!

Andrews smiles sheepishly.

ISMAY
He knows every rivet in her, don't you
Thomas?

ANDREWS
All three million of them.

ISMAY
His blood and soul are in the ship. She
may be mine on paper, but in the eyes of
God she belongs to Thomas Andrews.

ROSE
Your ship is a wonder, Mr. Andrews.
Truly.

ANDREWS
Thankyou, Rose.

We see that Andrews has come under Rose's spell.



(CONTINUED)
70.
CONTINUED: (3)


83 TIME TRANSITION: Dessert has been served and a waiter
arrives with cigars in a humidor on a wheeled cart. The men
start clipping ends and lighting.

ROSE
(low, to Jack)
Nest it'll be brandies in the
Smoking Room.

GRACIE
(rising)
Well, join me for a brandy,
gentlemen?

ROSE
(low)
Now they retreat into a cloud of
smoke and congratulate each other on
being masters of the universe.

GRACIE
Joining us, Dawson? You don't want to
stay out here with the women, do you?

Actually he does, but...

JACK
No thanks. I'm heading back.

CAL
Probably best. It'll be all
business and politics, that sort of
thing. Wouldn't interest you. Good of
you to come.

Cal and te other gentlemen exit.

ROSE
Jack, must you go?

JACK
Time for my coach to turn back into a
pumpkin.

He leans over to take her hand.

INSERT: We see him slip a tiny folded not into her palm.

Ruth, scowling, watches him walk away across the enormous
room. Rose surreptitiously opens the note below table
level. It reads: "Make it count. Meet me at the clock".

CUT TO:
71.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Historical Fiction"]

Summary Jack and Rose attend a first-class dinner on the Titanic, navigating class tensions and mingling with wealthy passengers such as John Jacob Astor and Benjamin Guggenheim. They establish a connection despite Rose's engagement to Cal. The scene portrays the opulence and social dynamics of first-class passengers while highlighting the contrast with Jack's humble origins.
Strengths "The scene effectively portrays the stark contrast between the first-class passengers' opulent lifestyle and Jack's humble origins, establishing a clear sense of social tensions and highlighting the class differences. The interactions between the characters are engaging and reveal personalities and relationships."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue is a bit on-the-nose and exposition-heavy, particularly when Jack recounts his backstory. The scene also doesn't advance the overall plot significantly, although it does establish character relationships and motivations."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and serves its purpose of showing the class and social dynamics on board the Titanic. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, some of the dialogue, particularly from Cal, feels a little too on-the-nose in terms of establishing his elitism and disdain for those in lower classes. It could benefit from a more subtle approach.

Secondly, the scene could benefit from more visual description to break up the long stretches of dialogue. For example, describing the food being served, the opulent surroundings, or the subtle gestures exchanged between characters could bring more richness and depth to the scene.

Finally, the scene could benefit from tightening up the pacing a bit. Some of the dialogue feels a bit repetitive and could be condensed or trimmed down to keep the scene moving along.

Overall, this is a solid scene, but with a few tweaks, it could be even stronger.
Suggestions First, it's important to note that this scene is well-written and engaging. However, a couple of suggestions could help to improve it:

1. Consider adding more physical action to the scene. While the dialogue is interesting, there is a lot of sitting and talking, which can become visually boring. Perhaps there could be moments of characters getting up to refill their glasses, or passing around the cigar cart. This would give the scene more movement and keep the audience visually engaged.

2. Try incorporating more conflict. While there is tension between Jack and Cal, overall the scene is fairly amicable. By adding more conflicts or disagreements between characters, it would create more drama and make the scene more memorable. For example, maybe there could be a disagreement about the ship's safety or the class system on board.

Overall, the scene is well-written and engaging, but adding more physical action and conflict could make it even stronger.



Scene 26 -  Steerage Dancing
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
84 INT. A-DECK FOYER-NIGHT 84

Rose crosses the A-Deck foyer, sighting Jack at the landing
above. Overhead is the crystal dome. Jack has his back to
her, studying the ornate clock with its carved figures of
Honor and Glory. It softly strikes the hour.

MOVING WITH ROSE as she goes up the sweeping staircase
toward him. He turns, sees her... smiles.

JACK
Want to go to a real party?

CUT TO:

85 INT. THIRD CLASS GENERAL ROOM 85

Crow led and alive with music, laughter and raucous carrying
on. An ad hoc band is gathered near the upright piano,
honking out lively stomping music on fiddle, accoridon and
tambourine. People of all ages are dancing, drinking beer
and wine, smoking, laughing, even brawling.

Tommy hands Rose a pint of stout and she hoists it. Jack
meanwhile dances with 5 year old Cora Cartmell, or tries to,
with her standing on his feet. As the tune ends, Rose leans
down to the little girl.

ROSE
May I cut in, miss?

JACK
You're still my best girl, Cora.

Cora scampers off. Rose and Jack face each other. She is
trembling as he takes her right hand in his left. His other
hand slides to the small of her back. It is an electrifying
moment.

ROSE
I don't know the steps.

JACK
Just move with me. Don't think.

The music starts and they are off. A little awkward at
first, she starts to get into it. She grins at Jack as she
starts to get the rhythm of the steops.

ROSE
Wait... stop!



(CONTINUED)
72.
85 CONTINUED: 85


She bends down, pulling off her high heeled shoes, and
flings them to Tommy. Then she grabs Jack and they plunge
back into the fray, dancing faster as the music speeds up.

CUT TO:

86 OMITTED 86

87 INT. THIRD CLASS GENERAL ROOM 87

The scene is rowdy and rollicking. A table gets knocked
over as a drunk crashes into it. And in the middle of it...
Rose dancing with Jack in her stocking feet. The steps are
fast and she shines with sweat. A space opens around them,
and people watch them, clapping as the band plays faster and
faster.

FABRIZIO AND HELGA. Dancing has obviated the need for a
common language. He whirls her, then she responds by
whirling him... Fabrizio's eyes go wide when he realizes
she's stronger than he is.

The tune ends in a mad rush. Jack steps away from Rose with
a flourish, allowing her to take a bow. Exhilarated and
slightly tipsy, she does a graceful ballet ployer, feet
turned out perfectly. Everyone laughs and applauds. Rose
is a hit with the steerage folks, who've never had a lady
party with them.

They move to a table, flushed and sweaty. Rose grabs
Fabrizio's cigarette and takes a big drag. She's feeling
cocky. Fabrizio is grinning, holding hands with Helga.

JACK
How you two doin'?

FABRIZIO
I don't know hwat she's say, she
don't know what I say, so we get
along fine.

Tommy walks up with a pint for each of them. Rose chugs
hers, showing off.

ROSE
You think a first class girl can't
drink?

Everybody else is dancing again, and Bjorn Gundersen crashes
into Tommy, who sloshes his beer over Rose's dress. She
laughs, not caring. But Tommy lunges, grabbing Bjorn and
wheeling him around.


(CONTINUED)
73.
87 CONTINUED: 87


TOMMY
You stupid bastard!!

Bjorn comes around, his fists coming up... and Jack leaps
into the middle of it, pushing them apart.

JACK
Boys, boys! Did I ever tell you the one
about the Swede and the Irishman goin' to
the whorehouse?

Tommy stands there, all piss and vinegar, chest puffed up.
Then he grins and claps Bjorn on the shoulder.

ROSE
So, you think you're big tough men?
Let's see you do this.

In her stocking feet she assumes a ballet stance, arms
raised, and goes up on point, taking her entire weight on
the tips of her toes. The guys gape at her incredible
muscle control. She comes back down, then her face screws
up in pain. She grabs one foot, hopping around.

ROSE
Oooowww! I haven't done that in
years.

Jack catches her as she loses her balance, and everyone
cracks up.

THE DOOR to the well deck is open a few inches as Lovejoy
watches through the gap. He sees Jack holding Rose, both of
them laughing.

LOVEJOY closes the door.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Jack and Rose dance and mingle with the steerage passengers in a crowded, raucous general room. Rose impresses the crowd with her dancing and drinking skills, while Jack diffuses a potential fight. Lovejoy spies on them from a distance.
Strengths
  • Vibrant and fun atmosphere
  • Impressive display of Rose's character
  • Develops Jack and Rose's relationship
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue could be stronger
  • Lacks significant plot development
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and entertaining, showcasing a lively and carefree moment on the Titanic. The setting and atmosphere are described vividly, and the dialogue is natural and engaging. However, there are a few things that could be improved upon.

Firstly, some of the transitions between shots could be smoother. For example, the sudden cut from Jack and Rose in the A-Deck foyer to the Third Class General Room is a little jarring. It may be useful to add in a sentence or two to bridge the gap between the two scenes, setting up the location and the action more clearly.

Secondly, some of the stage directions and descriptions could be more concise. For instance, the description of the dancing could be condensed, as it goes on for quite a long time and may become repetitive for the reader. Additionally, certain actions, like Rose grabbing Fabrizio's cigarette and taking a drag, may not be necessary to the overall plot and could be removed without affecting the scene.

Overall, the scene is effective in capturing a moment of joy and abandon amidst the tragedy of the Titanic's sinking. Just a few minor tweaks could make it even stronger.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and has good pacing. However, here are a few suggestions to make it even stronger:

1. Show some more of Rose's transition from feeling unsure at the beginning of the dance to feeling confident and sexy as she dances with Jack. This can be done through dialogue or actions - for example, she could start off dancing stiffly but progressively loosen up and start moving more fluidly.

2. Consider trimming some of the dance sequence to keep the momentum going. For example, the moment where Rose takes off her shoes and hands them to Tommy could be condensed into a single line of dialogue like "Hold these." This will help the scene move along more quickly.

3. Explore the tension between Jack and Rose's class differences a bit more. While the fact that Rose is a first-class passenger and Jack is in steerage is mentioned, it doesn't come up much in the dialogue or action of the scene. This could add some depth to their interactions and make their connection more meaningful.

4. Consider adding a bit more foreshadowing or symbolism to hint at the impending disaster of the Titanic sinking. This can be subtle - for example, a shot of Lovejoy watching Jack and Rose's dance through a partially closed door could suggest his hidden malice towards them.



Scene 27 -  A Moment in the Stars
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 9
88 EXT. BOAT DECK - NIGHT 88

The stars blaze overhead, so bright and clear you can see
the Milky Way. Rose and Jack walk along the row of
lifeboats. Still giddy from the party, they are singing a
popular song "Come Josephine in My Flying Machine".

JACK/ROSE
Come Josephine in my flying machine And
it's up she goes! Up she goes! In the
air she goes. Where? There she goes!




(CONTINUED)
74.
88 CONTINUED: 88


They fumble the words and break down laughing. They have
reached the First Class Entrance, but don't go straight in,
not wanting the evening to end. Through the doors the sound
of the ship's orchestra wafts gently. Rose grabs a davit
and leans back, staring at the cosmos.

ROSE
Isn't it magnificent? So grand and
endless.

She goes to the rail and leans on it.

ROSE
They're such small people, Jack... my
crowd. They think they're giants on the
earth, but they're not even dust in
God's eye. They live inside this little
tiny champagne bubble... and someday
the bubble's going to burst.

He leans at the rail next to her, his hand just touching
hers. It is the slightest contact imaginable, and all
either one of them can feel is that square inch of skin
where their hands are touching.

JACK
You're not one of them. There's
been a mistake.

ROSE
A mistake?

JACK
Uh huh. You got mailed to the wrong
address.

ROSE
(laughing)
I did, didn't I?

ROSE (CONT'D)
(pointing suddenly)
Look! A shooting star.

JACK
That was a long one. My father used to
say that whenever you saw one, it was a
soul going to heaven.

ROSE
I like that. Aren't we supposed to
wish on it?


(CONTINUED)
75.
88 CONTINUED: (2) 88


Jack looks at her, and finds that they are suddenly very
close together. It would be so easy to move another couple
of inches, to kiss her. Rose seems to be thinking the same
thing.

JACK
What would you wish for?

After a beat, Rose pulls back.

ROSE
Something I can't have.
(she smiles sadly)
Goodnight, Jack. And thank you.

She leaves the rail and hurries through the First Class
Entrance.

JACK
Rose!!

But the door bangs shut, and she is gone. Back to her
world.

CUT TO:

89 INT. ORSE AND CAL'S SUITE / PRIVATE PROMENADE - DAY 89

SUNDAY APRIL 14, 1912. A bright clear day. Sunlight
splashing across the promenade. Rose and Cal are having
breakfast in silence. The tension is palpable. Trudy Bolt,
in her maid's uniform, pours the coffee and goes inside.

CAL
I had hoped you would come to me
last night.

ROSE
I was tired.

CAL
Yes. Your exertions below decks
were no doubt exausting.

ROSE
(stiffening)
I see you had that undertaker of a
manservant follow me.

CAL
You will never behave like that
again! Do you understand?


(CONTINUED)
76.
89 CONTINUED: 89


ROSE
I'm not some foreman in your mills
than you can command! I am your
fiancee--

Cal explodes, sweeping the breakfast china off the table
with a crash. He moves to her in one shocking moment,
glowering over her and gripping the sides of her chair, so
she is trapped between his arms.

CAL
Yes! You are! And my wife... in
practice, if not yet by law. So you
will honor me, as a wife is required to
honor her husband! I will not be made
out a fool! Is this in any way unclear?

Rose shrinks into the chair. She sees Trudy, frozen,
partway through the door bringing the orange juice. Cal
follows Rose's glance and straightens up. He stalks past
the maid, entering the stateroom.

ROSE
We... had a little accident. I'm
sorry, Trudy.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Jack and Rose share a moment together, looking at the endless universe, realizing they come from two different worlds. Cal and Rose have breakfast together, their engagement showing its cracks under the pressure.
Strengths
  • Beautiful use of nature to highlight the contrast between characters
  • Tension between Cal and Rose is palpable and well-written
  • Jack and Rose's chemistry is strong
Weaknesses
  • Not a lot of action
Critique Firstly, the scene establishes the setting of the boat deck well with its description of stars. However, the scene lacks a clear character objective for both Rose and Jack. It is unclear what they want and what they are trying to achieve in the scene other than enjoying each other's company. In terms of dialogue, the banter between Rose and Jack feels forced and inorganic. The transition from Rose talking about the vastness of the cosmos to suddenly talking about her crowd and their champagne bubble feels jarring and unnatural. Additionally, the shooting star moment feels cliché and does not add much to the scene. The tension between Rose and Cal in the subsequent scene is much stronger, but it could benefit from more subtext and nuance in the dialogue to make the power dynamic between them clearer. Overall, the scene could be strengthened by clearer character objectives and more organic dialogue.
Suggestions I would suggest adding more subtext to the scene between Rose and Jack on the boat deck. Currently, the dialogue feels a little too on the nose and straightforward in expressing their feelings for each other.

Perhaps there could be more hesitation or uncertainty in their body language and interactions, hinting at the internal conflict they are experiencing. Also, showing them being more in the moment and enjoying each other's company without the distraction of words could add a layer of intimacy that enhances their chemistry.

Additionally, the tension between Rose and Cal in the following scene could benefit from more buildup throughout the film. Perhaps there could be more instances where Cal's controlling behavior towards Rose is hinted at, making this confrontation more impactful and intense.



Scene 28 -  Mother-Daughter Conflict
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
90 INT. RUTH'S SUITE - DAY 90

Rose is dressed for the day, and is in the middle of helping
Ruth with her corset. The tight bindings do not inhibit
Ruth's fury at all.

RUTH
You are not to see that boy again, do
you understand me Rose? I forbid it!

Rose has her knee at the base of her mother's back and is
pulling the corset strings with both hands.

ROSE
Oh, stop it, Mother. You'll give
yourself a nosebleed.

Ruth pulls away from her, and crosses to the door, locking
it. CLACK!

RUTH
(wheeling on her)
Rose, this is not a game! Our
situation is precarious. You know the
money's gone!

(CONTINUED)
77.
90 CONTINUED: 90


ROSE
Of course I know it's gone. You
remind me every day!

RUTH
Your father left us nothing but a
legacy of bad debts hidden by a good
name. And that name is the only
card we have to play.

Rose turns her around and grabs the corset strings again.
Ruth sucks in her waist and Rose pulls.

RUTH
I don't understand you. It is a
fine match with Hockley, and it will
insure our survival.

ROSE
(hurt and lost)
How can you put this on my
shoulders?

Rose turns to her, and we see what Rose sees-- the naked
fear in her mother's eyes.

RUTH
Do you want to se me working as a
seamstress? Is that what you want? Do
you want to see our fine things sold
at an auction, our memories scattered
to the winds? My God, Rose, how can
you be so selfish?

ROSE
It's so unfair.

RUTH
Of course it's unfair! We're women. Our
choices are never easy.

Rose pulls the corset tighter.

CUT TO:

91 INT. FIRST CLASS DINING SALOON 91

At the divine service, Captain Smith is leading a group in
the hymn "Almighty Father Strong To Save." Rose and Ruth
sing in the middle of the group.

Lovejoy stands well back, keeping an eye on Rose. He
notices a commotion at the entry doors.

(CONTINUED)
78.
91 CONTINUED: 91

Jack has been halted there by two stewards. He is dressed
in his third class clothes, and stands there, hat in hand,
looking out of place.

STEWARD
Look, you, you're not supposed to be in
here.

JACK
I was just here last night... don't you
remember?
(seeing Lovejoy coming toward
him)
He'll tell you.

LOVEJOY
Mr. Hockley and Mrs. DeWitt Bukater
continue to be most appreciative of
your assistance. They asked me to
give you this in gratitude--

He holds out two twenty dollar bills, which Jack refuses to
take.

JACK
I don't want money, I--

LOVEJOY
--and also to remind you that you
hold a third class ticket and your
presence here is no longer
appropriate.

Jack spots Rose but she doesn't see him.

JACK
I just need to talk to Rose for a--

LOVEJOY
Gentlemen, please see that Mr.
Dawson gets back where he belongs.
(giving the twenties to the
stewards)
And that he stays there.

STEWARD
Yes sir!
(to Jack)
Come along you.

END ON ROSE, not seeing Jack hustled out.




(CONTINUED)
79.
91 CONTINUED: (2) 91


ROSE
(singing)
O hear us when we cry to thee for
those in peril on the sea.

CUT TO:

92 INT. GYMNASIUM - DAY 92

An Edwardian nautilus room. There are machines we
recognize, and some don't. A woman pedals a stationary
bicycle in a long dress, looking rediculous. Thomas Andrews
is leading a small tour group, including Rose, Ruth and Cal.
Cal is wroking the oars of a stationary rowing machine with
a well trained stroke.

CAL
Reminds me of my Harvard days.

T.W. McCAULEY, the gym instructor, is a bouncy little man in
white flannels, eager to show off his modern equipment, like
his present-day counterpart on an "Abflex" infomercial. He
hits a switch and a machine with a saddle on it starts to
undulate. Rose puts her hand on it, curious.

MCCAULEY
The electric horse is very popular. We
even have an electric camel.
(to Ruth)
Care to try your hand at the rowing,
m'am?

RUTH
Don't be absurd. I can't think of a
skill I should likely need less.

ANDREWS
The next stop on our tour will be
bridge. This way, please.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Rose and her mother Ruth argue about Rose's relationship with Jack and the precarious financial situation of the family. Meanwhile, Jack tries to talk to Rose during a church service but is stopped by stewards and Lovejoy.
Strengths "Strong conflict between Rose and her mother that highlights the class differences and financial struggles of the time period. Shows how the strict societal norms of the time can hold individuals back from doing what they really want."
Weaknesses "Lacks physical action and can be slow-paced in comparison to other scenes in the movie."
Critique The scene starts with Rose helping her mother, Ruth, with her corset. Ruth expresses her fury at Rose seeing a boy and forbids it. Rose brushes it off with a witty comment, while tightening the corset strings. Ruth locks the door, emphasizing the severity of their situation where their money is gone, and their only hope is to have Rose marry Hockley. Rose feels overwhelmed and hurt by her mother's selfishness, but we see the fear behind Ruth's eyes.

The scene transitions to a hymn service where Lovejoy notices Jack at the entry door but refuses him entry, reminding him of his third-class status. When Jack spots Rose, she is unaware of his presence and is humming the hymn.

The next scene shows them touring the gymnasium where Mr. McCAULEY, the gym instructor, is keen to show off his modern equipment. Cal shows off his skills on the rowing machine, while Ruth refuses to attempt bridge.

Overall, the scene is well-written and serves the purpose of showing the tense relationship between Rose and Ruth while also establishing the class divide between Jack and Rose. However, the scene could benefit from some trimming as it feels long and doesn't advance the story significantly. Secondly, the gym scene could be cut or reduced in length to improve the pacing.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve the scene:

- Add more physical action to the scene. It is a dialogue-heavy scene, so breaking it up with some physical action or movement would make it more visually interesting. For example, Rose and Ruth could be moving around the room, or perhaps there could be flashbacks to earlier times in their lives that add context to their current situation.

- Develop the emotional stakes of the scene further. At the moment, Ruth's anger at Rose for wanting to see Jack again feels unwarranted and somewhat arbitrary. Adding more detail to their relationship and showing why Ruth is so adamantly opposed to Rose's desires would make the scene feel more grounded and the stakes more meaningful.

- Increase the tension between Jack and Rose. Rose and Jack are the romantic leads of the film, but their interactions in this scene feel perfunctory and don't contribute much to their relationship. Adding more moments of longing or tension between them, even if they can't actually speak to each other, would help build anticipation for their eventual reunion.

- Consider adding a subplot or secondary conflict to the scene. Right now, the scene is solely focused on Rose and Ruth's relationship and their financial struggles, but adding a smaller conflict that arises within the gymnasium or on the ship as a whole could add more complexity and help break up the scene.

Overall, the scene would benefit from more visual interest and more developed emotional stakes, as well as a stronger focus on the film's central romance.



Scene 29 -  Jack's Determination
  • Overall: 7.5
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
93 EXT. AFT WELL DECK, B-DECK AND A-DECK - DAY 93

Jack, walking with determination, is followed closely by
Tommy and Fabrizio. He quickly climbs the steps to B-Deck
and steps over the gate separating 3rd from 2nd class.

TOMMY
She's a goddess amongst mortal men,
there's no denyin'. But she's in
another world, Jackie, forget her.
She's closed the door.

(CONTINUED)
80.
93 CONTINUED: 93


Jack moves furtively to the wall below the A-Deck promenade,
aft.

JACK
It was them, not her.
(glancing around the deck)
Ready... go.

Tommy shakes his head resignedly and puts his hands
together, crouching down. Jack steps into Tommy's hands and
gets boosted up to the next deck, where he scrambles nimbly
over the railing, onto the First Class deck.

TOMMY
He's not bein' logical, I tell ya.

FABRIZIO
Amore is'a not logical.

CUT TO:

94 EXT. A-DECK / AFT - DAY 94

A man is playing with his son, who is spinning a top with a
string. The man's overcoat and hat are sitting on a deck
chair nearby. Jack emerges from behind one of the huge deck
cranes and calmly picks up the coat and bowler hat. He
walks away, slipping into the coat, and slicks his hair back
with spit. Then puts the hat on at a jaunty angle. At a
distance he could pass for a gentlemen.

CUT TO:

95 INT. BRIDGE / CHARTROOM - DAY 95

HAROLD BRIDE, the 21 year old Junior Wireless Operator,
hustles in and skirts around Andrews' tour group to hand a
Marconigram to Captain Smith.

BRIDE
Another ice warning, sir. This one
from the "Baltic".

SMITH
Thankyou, Sparks.

Smith glances at the message then nonchalantly puts it in
his pocket. He nods reassuringly to Rose and the group.

SMITH
Not to worry, it's quite normal for
this time of year.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
81.
95 CONTINUED: 95
SMITH (cont'd)
In fact, we're speeding up. I've just
ordered the last boilers lit.

Andrews scowls slightly before motioning the group toward
the door. They exit just as SECOND OFFICER CHARLES HERBERT
LIGHTOLLER comes out of the chartroom, stopping next to
First Officer Murdoch.

LIGHTOLLER
Did we ever find those binoculars for
the lookouts?

FIRST OFFICER MURDOCH

Haven't seen them since Southampton.

CUT TO:

96 EXT. BOAT DECK / STARBOARD SIDE - DAY 96

Andrews leads the group back from the bridge along the boat
deck.

ROSE
Mr. Andrews, I did the sum in my
head, and with the number of
lifeboats times the capacity you
mentioned... forgive me, but it
seems that there are not enough for
everyone aboard.

ANDREWS
About half, actually. Rose, you
miss nothing, do you? In fact, I put
in these new type davits, which can take
an extra row of boats here.
(he gestures along the eck)
But it was thought... by some...
that the deck would look too
cluttered. So I was over-ruled.

CAL
(slapping the side of a boat)
Waste of deck space as it is, on an
unsinkable ship!

ANDREWS
Sleep soundly, young Rose. I have
built you a good ship, strong and
true. She's all the lifeboat you
need.

As they are passing Boat 7, a gentlemen turns from the rail
and walks up behind the group. It is Jack.

(CONTINUED)
82.
96 CONTINUED: 96

He taps Rose on the arm and she turns, gasping. He motions
and she cuts away from the group toward a door which Jack
holds open. They duck into the--

CUT TO:
Genres: ["romance","drama"]

Summary Jack is determined to see Rose, despite the class divide between them. He sneaks past the gate separating third from second class and disguises himself as a gentleman. Meanwhile, Rose and a group are warned about ice warnings, and Jack taps her arm to invite her to a private moment.
Strengths
  • Establishes Jack's determination and resourcefulness
  • Intensifies the forbidden romance between Jack and Rose
  • Highlights the class divide and societal norms of the time
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant plot development
  • Some dialogue feels cliché
Critique Overall, this scene does a good job of advancing the plot and creating tension. However, there are a few areas where it could be improved.

The dialogue between Tommy and Fabrizio is a bit on the nose and cliched. It could benefit from more subtlety and nuance. Additionally, their accents could be made clearer to help differentiate them from the other characters.

The action of Jack climbing to the First Class deck is well-written and gives a sense of his determination and resourcefulness. However, it would be even more effective if there were more obstacles or challenges for him to overcome. This would also help to further build tension.

The dialogue between Andrews and Rose is effective in setting up the lack of lifeboats on the ship, but could benefit from more specificity and detail. For example, what is the actual number of lifeboats versus the number of people on board? This would help to make the danger feel more real and immediate.

Overall, this scene sets up important plot points and creates tension, but could benefit from more nuanced dialogue and increased obstacles to increase the sense of danger.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is clear and moves the plot forward, but there are a few areas where it could be improved:

1. Show, don't tell: The dialogue between Tommy and Fabrizio feels a bit too on-the-nose and obvious. Instead of having them explicitly state that Rose is unattainable and that Jack should give up, try to convey this through their actions and subtext. Maybe Tommy could roll his eyes or shake his head when Jack mentions Rose, and Fabrizio could offer a sympathetic look.

2. Character motivation: It's not entirely clear why Jack is so determined to reach Rose, and why he goes to such lengths to masquerade as a gentleman. Is it just because he's in love with her, or is there something more at play? Try to add some context to Jack's actions, whether it's through a flashback or a discussion with another character.

3. Foreshadowing: The ice warning from the "Baltic" feels like a throwaway moment at this point in the script. Consider making it more ominous, perhaps by having Smith or Andrews express more concern, or by showing the lookouts scanning the horizon for icebergs. This will make the eventual disaster feel more inevitable and suspenseful.

4. Clarity: The cut from Jack picking up the coat and hat to him wearing it is a bit abrupt. Consider adding a line of dialogue or a description to clarify how he manages to change his appearance so quickly. Additionally, the cut from the bridge to the boat deck feels abrupt as well. It might help to add a transitional shot or a brief establishing shot to orient the viewer.

Overall, the scene has potential but could benefit from a bit more nuance and foreshadowing.



Scene 30 -  A Moment Alone
  • Overall: 9.2
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 10
97 INT. GYMNASIUM - DAY 97

Jack closes the door behind her, and glances out through the
ripple-glass window to the starboard rail, where the gym
instructor is chatting up the woman who was riding the bike.
Rose and Jack are alone in the room.

ROSE
Jack, this is impossible. I can't see
you.

He takes her by the shoulders.

JACK
Rose, you're no picnic... you're a
spoiled little brat even, but under
that you're a strong, pure heart, and
you're the most amazingly
astounding girl I've ever known and-

-

ROSE
Jack, I--

JACK
No wait. Let me try to get this
out. You're amazing... and I know I
have nothing to offer you, Rose. I
know that. But I'm involved now. You
jump, I jump, remember? I can't turn
away without knowin' that you're
goin' to be alright.

Rose feels the tears coming to her eyes. Jack is so open
and real... not like anyone she has ever known.

ROSE
You're making this very hard. I'll be
fine. Really.

JACK
I don't think so. They've got you in
a glass jar like some butterfly, and
you're goin' to die if you don't break
out. Maybe not right away, 'cause
you're strong. But sooner or later the
fire in you is goin' to go out.

(CONTINUED)
83.
CONTINUED:


ROSE
It's not up to you to save me, Jack.

JACK
You're right. Only you can do that.

ROSE
I have to get back, they'll miss me.
Please, Jack, for both our sakes,
leave me alone.

CUT TO:

98 INT. FIRST CLASS LOUNG - DAY 98

The most elegant room on the ship, done in Louis Quinze
Versaille style. Rose sits on a divan, with a group of
other women arrayed around her. Ruth, the Countess Rothes
and Lady Duff-Gordon are taking tea. Rose is silent and
still as a porcelain figurine as the conversation washes
around her.

RUTH
Of course the invitations had to be
sent back to the printers twice. And
the bridesmaids dresses! Let me tell
you what an odyssey that has been...

TRACKING SLOWLY IN on Rose as Ruth goes on.

REVERSE, ROSE'S POV: A tabeau of MOTHER and DAUGHTER having
tea. The four year old girl, wearing white gloves, daintily
picking up a cookie. The mother correcting her on her
posture, and the way she holds the teacup. The little girl
is trying so hard to please, her expression serious. A
glimpse of Rose at that age, and we see the relentless
conditioning... the pain to becoming an Edwardian geisha.

ON ROSE. She calmly and deliberately turns her teacup over,
spilling tea all over her dress.

ROSE
Oh, look what I've done.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Jack and Rose have a heart-to-heart in a locked gymnasium. Jack confesses his love for Rose and tells her that he can't bear to see her suffer under the weight of her privileged life. Rose attempts to push Jack away so that he won't get hurt, but ultimately spills tea all over herself in frustration and despair.
Strengths "The scene is incredibly emotional and delivers a powerful message about societal expectations and class differences. The dialogue is strong, and the chemistry between Jack and Rose is palpable."
Weaknesses "There are some moments of melodrama, particularly when Rose spills tea all over herself. The scene could have benefited from more action and less talk."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written with strong emotional beats, but could benefit from some tweaks to dialogue and character development.

First, the dialogue could be tightened up to make it more natural. Some lines feel a bit too rehearsed and could be rephrased to better match how people actually speak. For example, the line "Rose, you're no picnic...you're a spoiled little brat even" feels a bit too harsh and unnatural, and could be rephrased to still convey the sentiment without sounding stilted.

Furthermore, there could be more development of Rose's character and her relationship with Jack, especially in this moment where she's grappling with her feelings for him. We could get a better sense of why Jack is so important to her and what about their relationship makes her willing to consider leaving behind her life of wealth and privilege.

Finally, the scene ends with Rose dramatically spilling tea on her dress, which feels a bit too on the nose. It could benefit from a more subtle way of showing her rebellion against her upbringing.

Overall, the scene has strong potential and could be even stronger with some tweaks to dialogue and character development.
Suggestions Firstly, the scene could benefit from more visual description. The gymnasium and the first-class lounge should be described in more detail to help the reader visualize the environment. Also, the characters' actions and body language should be emphasized to bring more depth to the scene.

Secondly, it would be helpful to have more dialogue between Rose and Jack that builds towards the climax. The conversation feels rushed, and the emotional stakes could be heightened if Jack reveals something more about himself or their relationship. More details about why Rose feels trapped in her life could also be added to make her emotional conflict more clear.

Lastly, the scene could benefit from more subtext. The dialogue is very direct and on the nose, so adding in subtextual meanings and undercurrents to the conversation could make the scene more nuanced and engaging.



Scene 31 -  Flying on the Titanic
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 7
99 EXT. TITANIC - DAY 99

TITANIC STEAMS TOWARD US, in the dusk light, as if lit by
the embers of a giant fire. As the ship looms, FILLING
FRAME, we push in on the bow. Jack is there, right at the
apex of the bow railing, his favorite spot. He closes his
eyes, letting the chill wind clear his head.

(CONTINUED)
84.
99 CONTINUED: 99


Jack hears her voice, behind him...

ROSE
Hello, Jack.

He turns and she is standing there.

ROSE
I changed my mind.

He smiles at her, his eyes drinking her in. Her cheeks are
red with the chill wind, and her eyes sparkle. Her hair
blows wildly about her face.

ROSE
Fabrizio said you might be up--

JACK
Sssshh. Come here.

He puts his hands on her waist. As if he is going to kiss
her.

JACK
Close your eyes.

She does, and he turns her to face forward, the way the ship
is going. He presses her gently to the rail, standing right
behind her. Then he takes her two hands and raises them
until she is standing with her arms outstetched on each
side. Rose is going along with him. When he lowers his
hands, her arms stay up... like wings.

JACK
Okay. Open them.

Rose gasps. There is nothing in her field of vision but
water. It's like there is no ship under them at all, just
the two of them soaring. The Atlantic unrolls toward her, a
hammered copper shield under a dusk sky. There is only the
wind, and the hiss of the water 50 feel below.

ROSE
I'm flying!

She leans forward, arching her back. He puts his hands on
her waist to steady her.

JACK
(singing softly)
Come Josephine in my flying
machine...


(CONTINUED)
85.
99 CONTINUED: (2) 99


Rose cleses her eyes, feeling herself floating weightless
far above the sea. She smiles dreamily, then leans back,
gently pressing her back against his chest. He pushes
forward slightly against her.

Slowly he raises his hands, arms outstretched, and they meet
hers... fingertips gently touching. Then their fingers
intertwine. Moving slowly, their fingers caress through and
around each other like the bodies of two lovers.

Jack tips his face forward into her blowing hair, letting
the scent of her wash over him, until his cheek is agianst
her ear.

Rose turns her head until her lips are near his. She lowers
her arms, turning further, until she finds his mouth with
hers. He wraps his arms around her from behind, and they
kiss like this with her head turned and tilted back,
surrendering to him, to the emotion, to the inevitable.
They kiss, slowly and tremulously, and then with building
passion.

Jack and the ship seem to merge into one force of power and
optimism, lifting her, buoying her forward on a magical
journey, soaring onward into a night without fear.

100 IN THE CROW'S NEST, high above and behind them, lookout
FREDERICK FLEET nudges his mate, REGINALD LEE, pointing down
at the figures in the bow.

FLEET
Wish I had those bleedin'
binoculars.

101 JACK AND ROSE, embracing at the bow rail, DISSOLVE
SLOWLY AWAY, leaving the ruined bow of the WRECK--

CUT TO:

102 INT. KELDYSH IMAGING SHACK 102

OLD ROSE blinks, seeming to come back to the present. She
sees the wreck on the screen, the sad ghost ship deep in the
abyss.

ROSE
That was the last time Titanic ever saw
daylight.

Brock Lovett changes the tape in the minicassette recorder.




(CONTINUED)
86.
102 CONTINUED: 102


BROCK
So we're up to dusk on the night of the
sinking. Six hours to go.

BODINE
Don't you love it? There's Smith,
he's standing there with the iceberg
warning in his fucking hand...
(remembering Rose)
... excuse me... in his hand, and
he's ordering more speed.

BROCK
26 years of experience working
against him. He figures anything big
enough to sink the ship they're going
to see in time to turn. But the ship's
too big, with too small a rudder... it
can't corner worth shit. Everything
he knows is wrong.

ROSE is ignoring this conversation. She has the art-nouveau
comb with the jade butterfly on the handle in her hands,
turning it slowly. She is watching a monitor, which shows
the ruins of Suite B-52/56. PUSH IN until the image fills
frame.

TRANSITION:
Genres: ["romance","drama"]

Summary Jack and Rose share a moment at the bow of the Titanic where Jack takes Rose to the very front of the ship and orders her to close her eyes. When he tells her to open them, she finds that they're flying with only the sea in front of them. Then they share a passionate kiss.
Strengths "The scene creates a very romantic and dreamlike atmosphere, thanks to the beautiful visual description and the magical music that accompanies it. The chemistry between the two characters is evident and the kiss at the end is both passionate and heartbreaking, as we know what's about to happen next."
Weaknesses "Some viewers might find the scene a bit too cheesy or idealized, and the dialogue could be more nuanced. Also, the fact that Jack manages to sneak past security and get to the bow without anyone noticing seems implausible."
Critique This scene from the movie Titanic is a classic romantic moment that captures the beauty and power of the ocean and the connection between Jack and Rose. The scene is well-written and delivers on emotion, suspense, and visual appeal. The writer effectively uses dialogue, action, and description to create a vivid picture of the setting and the characters.

The scene starts with the Titanic steaming towards us, creating tension and anticipation. As the ship looms closer, we see Jack standing at the apex of the bow railing, his favorite spot. The writer uses strong visual language to describe the setting and the characters, such as "her hair blows wildly about her face" and "his eyes drinking her in." The dialogue is minimal but effective, with Rose telling Jack that she changed her mind and Jack asking her to close her eyes.

The scene builds towards the climax, where Jack and Rose raise their arms and fingertips gently touch before intertwining. This moment is beautifully described, with their fingers caressing through and around each other like the bodies of two lovers. The moment lends itself to the emotion felt by the audience while still showcasing the awe and freedom of their position on the bow.

The scene ends with Jack and Rose kissing, enveloped by their love for each other and the magic of the ocean. The writer effectively uses the Titanic's size and lack of cornering ability to build suspense and create a sense of impending doom, even though the audience knows what's coming. The scene is well-structured, and the transition to the present time in the Keldysh imaging shack is smooth.

Overall, this scene is a masterclass in romantic screenwriting. The writer effectively uses visual and verbal elements to create a vivid picture of the setting and the characters. The scene builds towards an emotionally satisfying climax and transitions seamlessly to the next scene. It's no wonder this scene from Titanic has become such a classic.
Suggestions The scene is a bit lengthy and could benefit from some trimming. Here are my suggestions:

1. Consider starting the scene later, skipping over the initial description of the Titanic steaming towards them. The description can be conveyed through visuals.

2. Instead of Rose simply saying "Hello, Jack," consider giving her a line that reveals more about her current emotional state and how she's feeling. For example, "I couldn't resist coming back, the ship looks even more magnificent in this light."

3. Cut the singing moment short, as it feels a bit cheesy and unnecessary. Instead, have Jack and Rose just embrace each other and enjoy the moment of flying.

4. The description of their fingers intertwining feels over-the-top and can be more subtle. Instead of using the words "fingers caress through and around each other," simply say that their fingers entwine.

5. The description of the kiss can be streamlined, focusing on the emotions between Jack and Rose rather than the physical actions. Keep it simple and powerful.

6. Consider trimming the final dialogue in the Keldysh imaging shack, as it feels a bit superfluous. Instead of having Brock and Bodine talk about the sinking and Captain Smith's mistakes, end the scene with Rose's quiet contemplation of the art-nouveau comb. This sets up the transition to the next scene more effectively.



Scene 32 -  The Drawing
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 9
103 INT. ROSE'S SUITE 103

... 1912. Like in a dream the beautiful woodwork and satin
upholstery emerge from the rusted ruin. Jack is overwhelmed
by the opulence of the room. He sets his sketchbood and
drawing materials on the marble table.

ROSE
Will this light do? Don't artists
need good light?

JACK
(bad French accent)
Zat is true, I am not used to
working in such 'orreeble
conditions.
(seeing the paintings)
Hey... Monet!

He crouches next to the paintings stacked against the wall.




(CONTINUED)
87.
103 CONTINUED: 103


JACK
Isn't he great... the use of color? I
saw him once... through a hole in this
garden fence in Giverny.

She goes into the adjoining walk-in wardrobe closet. He
sees her go to the safe and start working the combination.
He's fascinated.

ROSE
Cal insist on luggin this thing
everywhere.

JACK
Should I be expecting him anytime
soon?

ROSE
Not as long as the cigars and brandy
hold out.

CLUNK! She unlocks the safe. Glancing up, she meets his
eyes in the mirror behind the safe. She opens it and
removes the necklace, then holds it out to Jack who takes it
nervously.

JACK
What is it? A sapphire?

ROSE
A diamond. A very rare diamond,
called the Heart of the Ocean.

Jack gazes at wealth beyond his comprehension.

ROSE
I want you to draw me like your
French girl. Wearing this.
(she smiles at him)
Wearing only this.

He looks up at her, surprised, and we CUT TO:

104 ROSE'S BEDROOM. ON THE BUTTERFLY COMB as Rose draws it
out of her hair. She shakes her head and her hair falls
free around her shoulders.

105 IN THE SITTING ROOM Jack is laying out his pencils like
surgical tools. His sketchbook is open and ready. He looks
up as she comes into the room, wearing a silk kimono.




(CONTINUED)
88.
103 CONTINUED: (2) 103


ROSE
The last thing I need is another
picture of me looking like a china
doll. As a paying customer, I
expect to get what I want.

She hands him a dime and steps back, parting the kimono.
The blue stone lies on her creamy breast. Her heart is
pounding as she slowly lowers the robe.

Jakc looks so stricken, it is almost comical. The kimono
drops to the floor (this is all in cuts, lyrical).

ROSE
Tell me when it looks right to you.

She poses on the divan, settling like a cat into the
position we remember from the drawing... almost.

JACK
Uh... just bend your left leg a
little and... and lower your head.
Eyes to me. That's it.

Jack starts to sketch. He drops his pencil and she stifles
a laugh.

ROSE
I believe you are blushing, Mr. Big
Artiste. I can't imagine Monsieur
Monet blushing.

JACK
(sweating)
He does landscapes.

TIGHT ON JACK as his eyes come up to look at her over the
top edge of his sketchpad. We have seen this image of him
before, in her memory. It is an image she will carry the
rest of her life.

Despite his nervousness, he draws with sure strokes, and
what emerges is the best thing he has ever done. Her pose
is languid, her hands beautiful, and her eyes radiate her
energy.

PUSH SLOWLY IN ON ROSE'S FACE...

TRANSITION:
89.



106 INT. KELDYSH / IMAGING SHACK 106

MATCH DISSOLVE/MORPH to Rose, 101 years old. Only her eyes
are the same.

OLD ROSE
My heart was pounding the whole
time. It was the most erotic moment of
my life... up till then at least.

CUT TO REVERSE: A semicircle of listeners staring in rapt,
frozen silence. The story of Jack and Rose has finally and
completely grabbed them.

BODINE
What, uh... happened next?

OLD ROSE
(smiling)
You mean, did we "do it"?

CUT TO:

107 INT. ROSE AND CAL'S SUITE - NIGHT 107

BACK TO 1912. Jack is signing the drawing. Rose, wearing
her kimono again, is leaning on his shoulder, watching.

OLD ROSE (V.O.)
Sorry to disappoint you Mr. Bodine.

Rose gazes at the drawing. He has X-rayed her soul.

ROSE
Date it, Jack. I want to always
remember this night.

He does: 4/14/1912. Rose meanwhile scribbles a note on a
piece of Titanic stationary. We don't see what it says.
She accepts the drawing from him, and crosses to the safe in
the wardrobe.

She puts the diamond back in the safe, placing hte drawing
and the note on top of it. Closes the door with a CLUNK!

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Jack and Rose share a private moment in Rose's suite where he sketches her wearing the Heart of the Ocean necklace. Rose then poses nude for Jack as he sketches her. The two share a connection that goes deeper than class divides and material possessions.
Strengths
  • Chemistry between the two characters
  • Authentic portrayal of the time period and class struggles
Weaknesses
  • Some may find the nudity and seductive tone uncomfortable or unnecessary
Critique The scene effectively conveys the lavish setting of Rose's suite, and Jack's awe upon entering it. However, the dialogue feels a bit heavy-handed at times, particularly with Jack's exaggerated French accent. Additionally, the transition and flashback to present-day Rose feels jarring and could be executed more smoothly. The scene's focus on the drawing of Rose and Jack is well done, capturing the intimacy and tension between the two characters. Overall, the scene could benefit from some refinement in pacing and dialogue.
Suggestions The scene already has a strong structure and flow, but there are a few suggestions that could enhance it further.

- Use more dynamic action lines to describe the characters and setting. For instance, describing Jack's reaction to the opulent room as "overwhelmed" is a good start, but adding more details such as his jaw dropping or his eyes widening would make the scene more engaging.

- Tighten up the dialogue to make it more natural and less formal. While the characters are from different social classes and time periods, the exchange between them could feel more organic if their language was more conversational. For example, instead of "Will this light do? Don't artists need good light?" Rose could say "Is this light alright? I heard artists need lots of light to see their work."

- Add more visual details to make the scene more vivid. The scene mentions Monet's paintings, but there isn't much description of them. Including more details on their style or colors could make the scene more immersive. Additionally, describing the diamond necklace as "wealth beyond his comprehension" is a bit vague - adding more concrete details such as the carats or cut could make the necklace more tangible to the audience.

- Consider adding more subtext to the scene to deepen the characters' motivations and conflicts. For example, what is Rose really feeling as she undresses for Jack? Is she trying to rebel against her fiancé's wishes or is she genuinely attracted to Jack? Are Jack's affections purely professional or is he starting to develop feelings for Rose? Adding more complexity to their relationship could make the scene more dramatic and compelling.



Scene 33 -  Escape and Connection
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
108 INT. FIRST CLASS SMOKING ROOM - NIGHT 108

Lovejoy enters from the Palm Court through the revolving
door and crosses the room toward Hockley.



(CONTINUED)
90.
108 CONTINUED: 108

A fire is blazing in the marble fireplace, and the usual
fatcats are playing cards, drinking and talking. Cal sees
Lovejoy and detaches from his group, coming to him.

LOVEJOY
None of the stewards have seen her.

CAL
(low but forceful)
This is ridiculous, Lovejoy. Find
her.

CUT TO:

109 EXT. ATLANTIC - NIGHT 109

TITANIC glides across an unnatural sea, blakc and calm as a
pool of oil. The ships lights are mirrored almost perfectly
in the black water. The sky is brilliant with stars. A
meteor traces a bright line across the heavens.

110 ON THE BRIDGE, Captain Smith peers out at the blackness
ahead of the ship. QUARTERMASTER HITCHINS brings him a cup
of hot tea with lemon. It steams in the bitter cold of the
open bridge. Second Officer Lightoller is next to him,
staring out at the sheet of black glass the Atlantic has
become.

LIGHTOLLER
I don't think I've ever seen such a
flat calm, in 24 years at sea.

SMITH
Yes, like a mill pond. Not a breath of
wind.

LIGHTOLLER
It's make the bergs harder to see,
with no breaking water at the base.

SMITH
Mmmmm. Well, I'm off. Maintain
speed and heading, Mr. Lightoller.

LIGHTOLLER
Yes sir.

SMITH
And wake me, of course, if anything
becomes in the slightest degree
doubtful.

CUT TO:
91.



111 INT. ROSE AND CAL'S SUITE 111

Rose, fully dressed now, returns to the sitting room. They
hear a key in the lock. Rose takes Jack's hand and leads
him silently through the bedrooms. Lovejoy enters by the
sitting room door.

LOVEJOY
Miss Rose? Hello?

He hears a door opening and goes through Cal's room toward
hers.

CUT TO:

112 INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE SUITE 112

Rose and Jack come out of her stateroom, closing the door.
She leads him quickly along the corridor toward the B deck
foyer. They are halfway across the open space when the
sitting room door opens in the corridor and Lovejoy comes
out. The valet sees Jack with Rose and hustles after them.

ROSE
Come on!

She and Jack break into a run, surprising the few ladies and
gentlemen about. Rose leads him past the stairs to the bank
of elevators. They run into one, shocking the hell out of
the OPERATOR.

ROSE
Take us down. Quickly, quickly!

The Operator scrambles to comply. Jack even helps him close
the steel gate. Lovejoy runs up as the lift starts to
descend. He slams one hand on the bars of the gate. Rose
makes a very rude and unladylike gesture, and laughs as
Lovejoy disappears above. The Operator gapes at her.

CUT TO:

113 INT. E-DECK FOYER / ELEVATORS 113

Lovejoy emerges from another lift and runs to the one Jack
and Rose were in. The Operator is just closing the gate to
go back up. Lovejoy runs around the bank of elevators and
scans the foyer... no Jack and Rose. He tries the stairs
going down to F-Deck.

CUT TO:
92.



114 INT. F-DECK CORRIDORS / FAN ROOM 114

A functional space, with access to a number of machine
spaces (fan rooms, boiler uptakes). Jack and Rose are
leaning against a wall, laughing.

JACK
Pretty tough for a valet, this
fella.

ROSE
He's an ex-Pinkerton. Cal's father
hired him to keep Cal out of
trouble... to make sure he always got
back to the hotel with his wallet
and watch, after some crawl through
the less reputable parts of town...

JACK
Kinda like we're doin' right now-- uh
oh!

Lovejoy has spotted them from a cross-corridor nearby. He
charges toward them. Jack and Rose run around a corner into
a blind alley. There is one door, marked CREW ONLY, and
Jack flings it open.

115 They enter a roaring RAN ROOM, with no way out but a
ladder going down. Jack latches the deadbolt on the door,
and Lovejoy slams against it a moment later. Jack grins at
Rose, pointing to the ladder.

JACK
After you, m'lady.

CUT TO:

116 INT. BOILER ROOM FIVE AND SIX 116

Jack and Rose come down the escape ladder and look around in
amazement. It is like a vision of hell itself, with the
roaring furnaces and black figures moving in the smoky glow.
They run the length of the boiler room, dodging amazed
stokers, and trimmers with their wheelbarrows of coal.

JACK
(shouting over the din)
Carry on! Don't mind us!

They run through the open watertight door into BOILER ROOM
SIX. Jack pulls her through the fiercely hot alley between
two boilers and they wind up in the dark, out of sight of
the working crew.

(CONTINUED)
93.
116 CONTINUED: 116

Watching from the shadows, they see the stokers working in
the hellish glow, shovelling coal into the insatiable
maws of the furnaces. The whole place thunders with the
roar of the fires.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["drama","romance"]

Summary Jack and Rose escape from Lovejoy and have various adventures around the ship, ultimately connecting on a deeper level.
Strengths "Strong character development and chemistry between Jack and Rose, exciting escape from Lovejoy"
Weaknesses "Some contrived moments, slightly cheesy dialogue at times"
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written. The action is clear, and the dialogue is crisp. Lovejoy's urgency in finding Rose adds tension, and Jack and Rose's escape through the ship's various levels is exciting. However, the scene could benefit from some further character development. While we get a sense of Lovejoy's role as Cal's valet, we don't learn much about Jack or Rose beyond their actions. Some additional dialogue or action that reveals more about their personalities or motivations would deepen the scene and make it more engaging.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is pretty well-written, but here are a few suggestions to potentially improve it:

1. Character Development – It might be helpful to give more insight into Lovejoy's character and motivations. Why is he so determined to find Rose? Is he just doing his job, or does he have some personal stake in it? Additionally, it may be useful to show a bit more of Rose's perspective on the situation. How does she feel about being pursued like this?

2. Tension – The scene could benefit from a bit more tension and suspense. One way to do this might be to add some obstacles or challenges for Jack and Rose to overcome as they try to elude Lovejoy. For example, maybe they run into a dead end or have to climb through a window to escape him.

3. Visuals – The description of the boiler room is vivid and intense, but it might be helpful to add a bit more visual detail to some of the other settings. For example, what do the passengers in the smoking room look like? What kind of expressions do they have on their faces as Lovejoy enters and speaks with Cal? Adding more visual detail can help to immerse the reader in the story.

4. Dialogue – Finally, the dialogue in the scene is effective at conveying necessary information and moving the plot forward, but it might be helpful to inject a bit more personality into the characters' lines. For example, you could give Jack and Rose a bit of banter while they're running from Lovejoy, or have Cal speak in a more distinctive voice. This can help to make the characters feel more three-dimensional and memorable.



Scene 34 -  Intimacy in the Hold
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
117 INT. FIRST CLASS SMOKING ROOM 117

Amid unparalled luxury, Cal sits at a card game, sipping
brandy.

COLONEL GRACIE
We're going like hell I tel you. I
have fifty dollars that says we make it
into New York Tuesday night!

Cal looks at his gold pocket watch, and scowls, not
listening.

CUT TO:

118 OMITTED 118

119 INT. BOILER ROOM SIX 119

The furnaces roar, silhouetting the glistening stokers.
Jack kisses Rose's face, tasting the sweat trickling down
from her forehead. They kiss passionately in the steamy,
pounding darkness.

CUT TO:

120 INT. HOLD #2 120

Jack and Rose enter and run laughing between the rows of
stacked cargo. She hugs herself against the cold, after the
dripping heat of the boiler room.

They come upon William Carter's brand new RENAULT touring
car, lashing down to a pallet. It looks like a royal coach
from a fairy tale, its brass trim and headlamps nicely set
off by its deep burgundy color.

Rose climbs into the plushly upholstered back seat, acting
very royal. There are cut crystals bud vases on the walls
back there, each containing a rose. Jack jumps into the
driver's seat, enjoying hte feel of the leather and wood.

JACK
Where to, Miss?

ROSE
To the stars.

(CONTINUED)
94.
120 CONTINUED: 120


ON JACK as her hands come out of the shadows and pull him
over the seat into the back. He lands next to her, and his
breath seems loud in the quiet darkness. He looks at her
and she is smiling. It is the moment of truth.

JACK
Are you nervous?

ROSE
Au contraire, mon cher.

He strokes her face, cherishing her. She kisses his
artist's fingers.

ROSE
Put your hands on me Jack.

He kisses her, and she slides down in the seat under his
welcome weight.

CUT TO:

121 INT. WIRELESS ROOM 121

A BRILLIANT ARC OF ELECTRICITY fills frame-- the sparks gap
of the Marconi instrument as SENIOR WIRELESS OPERATOR JACK
PHILLIPS (24) rapidly keys out a message. Junior Operator
Bride looks through the huge stack of outgoing messages
swamping them.

BRIDE
Look at this one, he wants his
private train to meet him. La dee da.
(slaps them down)
We'll be up all bloody night on this
lot.

Phillips start to receive an incoming message from a nearby
ship, the Leyland frieghter CALIFORNIAN, which jams his
outgoing signal. At such close range, the beeps are
deafening.

PHILLIPS
Christ! It's that idiot on the
Californian.

Cursing, Phillips furiously keys a rebuke.

CUT TO:
95.



122 INT. / EXT. WIRELESS SHAK / FREIGHTER CALIFORNIAN 122

Wireless Operater CYRIL EVANS pulls his earphone off his ear
as the Titanic's spark deafens him. he translates the
message for THIRD OFFICER GROVES.

EVANS
Stupid bastard. I try to warn him
about the ice, and he says "Keep
out. Shut up. I'm working Cape
Race."

GROVES
Now what's he sending?

EVANS
"No seasickness. Poker business
good. Al". Well that's it for me. I'm
shutting down.

As Evans wearily switches off his generator, Groves goes out
on deck. PAN oFF Him to reveal the ship is stopped fifty
yards from the edge of a field of pack ice and icebergs
stretching as far as the eye can see.

CUT TO:

123 EXT. OCEAN / TITANIC 123

ON TITANIC, steaming hellbent through the darkness, hurling
up white water at the bows. The bow comes straight at us,
until the bow wave WIPES THE FRAME--

CUT TO:

124 INT. HOLD #2 124

PUSHING IN on the rear window of the Renault, which is
completely fogged up. Rose's hand comes up and slams
against the glass for a moment, making a handprint in the
veil of condensation.

INSIDE THE CAR, Jack's overcoat is liek a blanket over them.
It stirs and Rose pulls it down. They are huddled under it,
intertwined, still mostly clothed. Their faces are flushed
and they look at each other wonderingly. She puts her hand
on his face, as if making sure he is real.

ROSE
You're trembling.

JACK
It's okay. I'm alright.

(CONTINUED)
96.
124 CONTINUED: 124


He lays his cheek against her chest.

JACK
I can feel your heart beating.

She hugs his head to her chest, and just holds on for dear
life.

OLD ROSE (V.O.)
Well, I wasn't the first teenage
girl to get seduced in the backseat of
a car, and certainly not the last,
by several million. He had such fine
hands, artists' hands, but strong
too... roughened by work. I remember
their touch even now.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Jack and Rose find moments of intimacy throughout the ship, culminating in a passionate encounter in the back of a Renault.
Strengths "The intimacy and chemistry between Jack and Rose are palpable and emotionally engaging."
Weaknesses "The scene is somewhat disconnected from the main conflict of the film, and may feel gratuitous to some viewers."
Critique The above scene consists of multiple short snippets that shift locations frequently. This makes it difficult to establish any sense of place and time. A transition between the scenes could have been smoother to help eliminate this issue.

The dialogue in the scene, while functional, does not add much to the character development or plot. The conversation in the first-class smoking room serves no purpose other than to show Cal's arrogance.

The scene in the boiler room comes across as cliché and lacking depth. The steam, heat, and sweat may seem like standard romance tropes, but they do not add much to the character development.

The dialogue between Jack and Rose in the car is a little melodramatic. The line "To the stars" comes across as cheesy and unnatural, and their subsequent conversation seems overly scripted.

Overall, the scene could do with more subtlety in both the dialogue and the setting. The constant location shifts and repeated cliches hinder the effectiveness of the scene and detract from the emotional weight of their blossoming romance.
Suggestions The scene could benefit from more visual and emotional detail to better engage the audience. Here are some suggestions:

- In the First Class Smoking Room, rather than just showing Cal looking at his watch and scowling, consider adding in some dialogue to further highlight his frustration or agitation. This would make the scene more dynamic.

- In the Boiler Room Six, take advantage of the sensory elements at play – the heat, steam, and darkness – to create a more vivid setting. Focus on the physical sensations experienced by Jack and Rose as they kiss. Consider using more descriptive language to paint a better picture.

- When Jack and Rose come upon the Renault in Hold #2, spend more time describing the car and its luxurious features. Use more detail to illustrate Rose's regal behavior. These added details will make the car and Rose's behavior in it stand out more.

- When Jack and Rose get into the car, use more emotional detail to capture the tension and excitement of the moment. Play up the anticipation that Jack and Rose are feeling, and focus on the physical sensations they experience as Jack moves into the back seat.

- In the Wireless Room and on the Californian, consider revising the dialogue to make it more engaging and heightened. Using stronger language to illustrate the sense of urgency in the situation will make this scene more impactful.

- Finally, in Hold #2, consider adding additional physical details to capture the intensity and intimacy of the moment between Jack and Rose. Highlight the emotions they are feeling and use visceral language to capture the experience.



Scene 35 -  A Moment of Intimacy
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
125 EXT. ATLANTIC / TITANIC - NIGHT 125

The bow sweeps under us, and the CAMERA CLIMBS toward the
foremast and the tiny half-cylinder of the crow's nest,
which grows as we push in on lookouts Fleet and Lee. They
are stamping their feet and swinging their arms, trying to
keep warm in the 22 knot freezing wind, which whips capor of
their breath away behind.

FLEET
You can smell ice, you know, when
it's near.

LEE
Bollocks.

FLEET
Well I can.

CUT TO:

126 INT. BOILER ROOM SIX 126

Without hearing hte words over the roar of the furnaces, we
see stokers telling TWO STEWARDS which way Rose and Jack
went. The stewards move off toward the forward holds.

CUT TO:

127 INT. CAL AND ROSE'S SUITE 127

Cal stands at the open safe. He stares at the drawing of
Rose and his face clenches with fury.


(CONTINUED)
97.
127 CONTINUED: 127

He reads the not again: "DARLING, NOW YOU CAN KEEP US BOTH
LOCKED IN YOUR SAFE, ROSE".

Lovejoy, standing behind him, looks over his shoulder at the
drawing. Cal crumples Rose's not, then takes the drawing in
both hands as if to rip it in half. He tenses to do it,
then stops himself.

CAL
I have a better idea.

CUT TO:

128 INT. HOLD #2 - NIGHT 128

The two stewards enter. They have electric torches and play
the beams around the hold. They spot the Renault with its
fogged up rear window and approach it slowly.

FROM INSIDE we see the torch light up Rose's passionate
handprint, still there on the fogged up glass. One steward
whips open the door.

STEWARD
Got yer!

REVERSE: the back seat is empty.

CUT TO:

129 EXT. FORWARD WELL DECK AND CROW'S NEST - NIGHT 129

Rose and Jack, fully dressed, come through a crew door onto
the deck. They can barely stand, they are laughing so hard.

UP ABOVE THEM, IN THE CROW'S NEST, lookout Fleet hears the
disturbance below and looks around and back down to the well
deck, where he can see two figures embracing.

Jack and Rose stand in each others arms. Their breath
clouds around them in the now freezing air, but they don't
even feel the cold.

ROSE
When this ship docks, I'm getting off
with you.

JACK
This is crazy.

ROSE
I know. It doesn't make any sense.
That's why I trust it.


(CONTINUED)
98.
129 CONTINUED: 129


Jack pulls her to him and kisses her fiercely.

130 IN THE CROW'S NEST Fleet nudges Lee.

FLEET
Cor... look at that, would ya.

LEE
They're a bloody sight warmer than we
are.

FLEET
Well if that's what it takes for us two
to get warm, I'd rather not, if it's all
the same.

They both have a good laugh at that one. It is Fleet whose
expression falls first. Glancing forward again, he does a
double take. The color drains out of his face.

FLEET'S POV: a massive iceberg right in their path, 500
yards out.

FLEET
Bugger me!!

Fleet reaches past Lee and rings the lookout bell three
times, then grabs the telephone, calling the bridge. He
waits precious seconds for it to be picket up, never taking
his eyes off the black mass ahead.

FLEET
Pick up, ya bastard.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Romance","Drama"]

Summary Jack and Rose share intimate moments, culminating in a passionate encounter in the back of a Renault. They express their love for each other in spite of their different backgrounds.
Strengths "The scene depicts a genuine connection between the two leads, showing their chemistry and emotions in a very strong way that is relatable to audiences."
Weaknesses "There is no major conflict or development in the plot, and the scene relies heavily on romantic cliches."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively creates tension and anticipation for what's to come. The description of the freezing winds and the characters' reactions effectively convey the sense of danger and discomfort. However, there are a few things that could be improved:

- The transition from the boiler room to Cal's suite feels abrupt and disjointed. It's not clear why we're suddenly seeing Cal reading Rose's note.
- The dialogue in the scene with Cal and Lovejoy feels a bit on-the-nose. It's obvious that Cal is angry and plotting something, and Lovejoy's reaction doesn't add much to the scene.
- The reveal of Rose and Jack in the Renault feels a bit anticlimactic. There's not much tension or surprise in the moment, and it feels like the scene could have been cut entirely without losing anything important.
- The scene with Fleet and Lee in the crow's nest could use a bit more build-up. It would have been nice to see them looking out at the horizon and then gradually realizing that there's an iceberg ahead, rather than just cutting directly to the shot of the iceberg.

Overall, though, this is a strong scene that effectively sets up the conflict to come.
Suggestions Some possible suggestions for improving this scene could include:

1. Adding more tension and suspense: While the looming iceberg at the end of the scene adds some tension, there could be more build-up earlier in the scene to make the audience even more aware of the danger that the Titanic is facing. Perhaps we could see some foreshadowing or hints earlier on, or have more urgency in the characters' actions and dialogue.

2. Developing the characters: While we get some sense of the characters of Fleet and Lee, as well as Cal and Lovejoy, Rose and Jack are a bit underdeveloped in this scene. We could add some more dialogue or actions that showcase their personalities and motivations, and make the audience care more about their relationship and what's at stake for them.

3. Creating clearer transitions: The cuts between different locations and characters can feel a bit jarring at times, so adding some smoother transitions or intercutting could help the scene flow better and connect the different storylines more effectively.

4. Enhancing the visual language: While the initial description of the bow sweeping under the camera and the growth of the crow's nest are evocative, there could be more attention to visual details throughout the scene that enhance the mood and atmosphere. For example, focusing more on the foggy breath and the icy winds could create a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 36 -  The Collision
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
131 INT. / EXT. BRIDGE 131

Inside the enclosed wheelhous, SIXTH OFFICER MOODY walks
unhurriedly to the telephone, picking it up.

FLEET (V.O.)
Is someone there?

MOODY
Yes. What do you see?

FLEET
Iceberg right ahead!




(CONTINUED)
99.
131 CONTINUED: 131


MOODY
Thankyou.
(hangs up, calls to Murdoch)
Iceberg right ahead!

Murdoch sees it and rushes to the engine room telegraph.
While signaling "FULL SPEED ASTERN" he yells to
Quartermaster Hitchins, who is at the wheel.

MURDOCH
Hard a' starboard.

MOODY
(standing behind Hitchins)
Hard'a starboard. The helm is hard
over, sir.

CRASH SEQUENCE / SERIES OF
CUTS:

132 CHIEF ENGINEER BELL is just checking the soup he has
warming on a steam manifold when the engine telegraph
clangs, then goes... incredibly... to FULL SPEED ASTERN. He
and the other ENGINEERS just stare at it a second,
unbelieving. Then Bell reacts.

BELL
Full astern! FULL ASTERN!!

The engineers and greasers like madmen to close steam valves
and start braking the mighty propeller shafts, big as
Sequias, to a stop.

133 IN BOILER ROOM SIX, Leading Stoker FREDERICK BARRETT is
standing with 2nd Engineer JAMES HESKETH when the red
warning light and "STOP" indicator come on.

BARRETT
Shut all dampers! Shut 'em!!

134 FROM THE BRIDGE Murdoch watches the burg growing...
straight ahead. The bow finally starts to come left (since
the ship turns the reverse of the helm setting).

MURDOCH'S jaw clenches as the bow turns with agonizing
slowness. He holds his breath as the horrible physics play
out.

135 IN THE CROW'S NEST Frederick Fleet braces himself.

136 THE BOW OF THE SHIP thunders right at CAMERA and--

KRUUUNCH!! The ship hits the berg on its starboard bow.

(CONTINUED)
100.
131 CONTINUED: (2) 131


137 UNDERWATER we see the ice smashing in the steel hull
plates. The iceberg bumps and scrapes along the side of the
ship. Rivets pop as the steel plate of the hull flexes
under the load.

138 IN #2 HOLD the two stewards stagger as the hull buckles
in four feet with a sound like THUNDER. Like a sledgehammer
beating along outside the ship, the berg splits the hull
plates and the sea pour in, sweeping them off their feert.
The icy water swirls around the Renault as the men scramble
for the stairs.

139 ON G-DECK forward Fabrizio is tossed in his bunk by the
impact. He hears a sound like the greatly amplified squeal
of a skate on ice.

140 IN BOILER ROOM SIX Barret and Hesketh stagger as they
hear the ROLLING THUNDER of the collision. They see the
starboard side of the ship buckle in toward them and are
almost swept off their feet by a rush of water coming in
about two feet above the floor.

141 ON THE FORWARD WELL DECK Jack and Rose break their kiss
and look up in astonishment as the berg sails past, blocking
out the sky like a mountain. Fragments break off it and
crash down onto the deck, and they have to jump back to
avoid flying chunks of ice.

142 ON THE BRIDGE Murdoch rings the watertight door alarm.
He quicky throws the switch that closes them.

MURDOCH
Hard a 'port!

Judging the berg to be amidships, he is trying to clear the
stern.

143 BARRETT AND HESKETH hear the DOOR ALARM and scramble
through the swirling water to the watertight door between
Boiler Rooms 6 and 5. The room is full of water vapor as
the cold sea strikes the red hot furnaces. Barrett yells to
the stokers scrambling through the door as it comes down
like a slow guillotine.

BARRETT
Go Lads! Go! Go!

He dives through into Boiler Room 5 just before the door
rumbles down with a CLANG.

144 JACK AND ROSE rush to the starboard rail in time to see
the berg moving aft down the side of the ship.


(CONTINUED)
101.
131 CONTINUED: (3) 131


145 In his stateroom, surrounded by piles of plans while
making notes in his ever-present book, Andrews looks up at
the sound of a cut-crystal light fixture tinkling like a
windchime.

He feels the shudder run through the ship. And we see it in
his face. Too much of his soul is in this great ship for
him not to feel its mortal wound.

146 IN THE FIRST CLASS SMOKING ROOM Gracie watches his
highball vibrating on the table.

147 IN THE PALM COURT, with its high arched windows, Molly
Brown holds up her drink to a passing waiter.

MOLLY
Hey, can I get some ice here,
please?

Silently, a moving wall of ice fills the window behind her.
She doesn't see it. It disappears astern.

148 OMITTED 148

149 IN THE CROW'S NEST Fleet turns to his Lee...

FLEET
Oy, mate... that was a close shave.

LEE
Smell ice, can you? Bleedin'
Christ!

CUT TO:
Genres: ["drama"]

Summary The ship collides with an iceberg and begins to sink, causing chaos and panic among the passengers and crew.
Strengths "The scene effectively creates a sense of chaos and panic as the ship begins to sink. The stakes are high and the tension is palpable."
Weaknesses "The scene could benefit from more nuanced character moments, as many of the characters are reduced to stock types amidst the chaos."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively creates tension as the ship approaches the iceberg. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, there are a lot of characters introduced in a short amount of time, which can be overwhelming for the reader. To make it clearer, the scene could benefit from more descriptions and introductions of each character before they speak.

Secondly, some of the dialogue feels a bit cliché, such as "Iceberg right ahead!" and "Full astern!" It would be more effective to use more unique and specific language that reflects each character's personalities and backgrounds.

Finally, the scene could use more sensory and emotive descriptions to really immerse the reader in the stakes and emotions of the moment. For example, describing how the ship's hull feels as it hits the iceberg, or how the characters are physically reacting to the impact, would add more depth and suspense to the scene.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to add more sensory details to the scene. For example, instead of simply stating that the ship hits the iceberg, describe the sound and sensation of the impact. Use strong verbs and adjectives to bring the scene to life and make the audience feel as if they're there. Additionally, consider giving more attention to character reactions and emotions. For example, how does Andrews feel when he realizes the ship is in mortal danger? How do Jack and Rose react to the flying chunks of ice? By adding more depth to the scene, it can become more impactful and memorable.



Scene 37 -  Collision and Panic
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
150 INT. / EXT. BRIDGE 150

CLOSE ON MURDOCH. The alarm bells still clatter mindlessly,
seeming to reflect his inner state. He is in shock, unable
to get a grip on what just happened. He just ran the
biggest ship in history into an iceberg on its maiden
voyage.

MURDOCH
(stiffly, to Moody)
Note the time. Enter it in the log.

Captain Smith rushes out of his cabin onto the bridge,
tucking in his shirt.

SMITH
What was that, Mr. Murdoch?


(CONTINUED)
102.
150 CONTINUED: 150


MURDOCH
An iceberg, sir. I put her hard a'
starboard and run the engines full
astern, but it was too close. I
tried to port around it, but she
hi... and I--

SMITH
Close the emergency doors.

MURDOCH
The doors are closed.

Together they rush out onto the starboard wing, and Murdoch
points. Smith looks into the darkness aft, then wheels
around to FOURTH OFFICER BOHALL.

SMITH
Find the Carpenter and get him to
sound the ship.

CUT TO:

151 INT. G-DECK FORWARD 151

In steerage, Fabrizio comes out into the hall to see what's
going on. He sees dozens of rats running toward him in the
corridor, fleeing the flooding bow. Fabrizio jumps aside as
the rats run by.

FABRIZIO
Ma-- che cazzo!

152 IN HIS STATEROOM Tommy gets out of his top bunk in the
dark and drops down to the floor. SPLASH!!

TOMMMY
Cor!! What in hell--?!

He naps on the light. The floor is covered with 3 inches of
freezing water, and more coming in. He pulls the door open,
and steps out into the corridor, which is flooded. Fabrizio
is running toward him, yelling something in Italian. Tommy
and Fabrizio start pounding on doors, getting everybody up
and out. The alarm spreads in several languages.

CUT TO:

153 INT. FIRST CLASS CORRIDOR / A-DECK 153

A couple of people have come out into the corridor in robes
and slippers. A STeWARD hurries along, reassuring them.


(CONTINUED)
103.
153 CONTINUED: 153


WOMAN
Why have the engines stopped? I
felt a shudder?

STEWARD #1
I shouldn't worry, m'am. We've
likely thrown a propeller blade,
that's the shudder you felt. May I
bring you anything?

THOMAS ANDREWS brushes past them, walking fast and carrying
an armload of rolled up ship's plans.

CUT TO:

154 EXT. FORWARD WELL DECK 154

Jack and Rose are leaning over the starboard rail, looking
at the hull of the ship.

JACK
Looks okay. I don't see anything.

ROSE
Could it have damaged the ship?

JACK
It didn't seem like much of a bump. I'm
sure we're okay.

Behind them a couple of steerage guys are kicking the ice
around the deck, laughing.

CUT TO:

155 INT. STEERAGE FORWARD 155

Fabrizio and Tommy are in a crowd of steerage men clogging
the corridors, heading aft away from the flooding. Many of
them have grabbed suitcases and duffel bags, some of which
are soaked.

TOMMY
If this is the direction the rats
were runnin', it's good enough for me.

CUT TO:

156 INT. CORRIDOR ON B DECK 156

Bruce Ismay, dressed in pajamas under the topcoat, hurries
down the corridor, headed for the bridge.


(CONTINUED)
104.
156 CONTINUED: 156

An officious steward named BARNES comes along the
other direction, getting the few concerned passengers back
into their rooms.

STEWARD BARNES
There's no cause for alarm. Please, go
back to your rooms.

He is stopped in his tracks by Cal and Lovejoy.

STEWARD BARNES
Please, sir. There's no emergency--

CAL
Yes there is, I have been robbed. Now
get the Master at Arms. Now you moron!

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Romance"]

Summary The Titanic collides with an iceberg and chaos ensues as passengers flee flooding corridors and the crew rushes to find a solution.
Strengths "The tension and urgency of the situation are palpable, as is the fear and panic of the passengers. The scene sets up the rest of the film's central conflict and propels the plot forward."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is not particularly standout or memorable in this scene."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the chaos and confusion that ensues after the Titanic hits an iceberg. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue between Murdoch and Smith feels a bit stilted and formal. Given the gravity of the situation, it would make sense for them to be speaking in a more urgent and panicked tone. Additionally, the line "I tried to port around it, but she hi... and I--" is cut off abruptly, which feels unnatural. It would be better to complete the thought or have Murdoch trail off, rather than leaving the sentence unfinished.

Secondly, the action and dialogue in steerage (with Fabrizio and Tommy) feels a bit cliche and overdone. The scene of rats running through the flooded corridors feels like a horror movie trope, and the Italian exclamation ("Ma-- che cazzo!") may come across as stereotypical. It would be more effective to find a more unique and authentic way to depict the chaos and fear in steerage.

Finally, the scene ends somewhat abruptly with Cal and Lovejoy demanding to see the Master at Arms. It would be good to have a clearer sense of what they hope to accomplish by doing so, or to at least hint at the conflict that will arise in the next sequence.
Suggestions First, I would suggest making sure that the action lines are concise and easy to follow. For example, in the first sentence, instead of using "mindlessly" and "reflect his inner state", it may be better to simply describe the alarm bells as clanging loudly. Also, it would be clearer to have a physical action for Captain Smith when he rushes onto the bridge, such as adjusting his clothing while inquiring about the situation.

Additionally, it may be helpful to add more tension to the scene by including reactions from the characters that show their fear and stress. Murdoch appears stiff and in shock, but it may be more impactful to have him visibly shaking or sweating. Captain Smith should also show some sense of urgency in his actions and speech.

Lastly, the scene could benefit from more visual description and details to help the audience fully understand the environment and situation. For example, instead of just saying that the corridor is flooded, it could be described as ankle-deep water sloshing around their feet. This would increase the sense of danger and urgency for the characters.



Scene 38 -  The Ship Collides with an Iceberg
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
157 INT. BRIDGE / CHARTROOM 157

C.U. CAPTAIN SMITH studying the commutator.

He turns to Andrews, standing behind him.

SMITH
A five degree list in less than ten
minutes.

SHIP'S CARPENTER JOHN HUTCHINSON enters behind him, out of
breath and clearly unnerved.

HUTCHINSON
She's making water fast... in the
forepeak tank and the forward holds, in
boiler room six.

ISMAY enters, his movements quick with anger and
frustration. Smith glances at him with annoyance.

ISMAY
Why have we stopped?

SMITH
We've struck ice.

ISMAY
Well, do you think the ship is
seriously damaged?

SMITH
(glaring)
Excuse me.


(CONTINUED)
105.
157 CONTINUED: 157


Smith pushes past him, with Andrews and Hutchinson in tow.

CUT TO:

158 INT. BOILER ROOM 6 158

Strokers and firemen are struggling to draw the fires. They
are working in waist deep water churning around as it flows
into the boiler room, ice cold and swirling with grease from
the machinery. Chief Engineer Bell comes partway down the
ladder and shouts.

BELL
That's it, lads. Get the hell up!

They scramble up the escape ladders.

CUT TO:

159 EXT. B-DECK FORWARD / WELL DECK 159

The gentlemen, now joined by another man, leans on the
forward rail watching the steerage men playing soccer with
chunks of ice.

GENTLEMAN
I guess it's nothing too serious. I'm
going back to my cabin to read.

A 20ish YALE MAN pops through the door wearing a topcoat
over pajamas.

YALEY
Say, did I miss the fun?

Rose and Jack come up the steps from the well deck, which
are right next to the three men. They stare as the couple
climbs over the locked gate.

A moment later Captain Smith rounds the corner, followed by
Andrews and Carpenter Hutchinson. They have come down from
the bridge by the outside stairs. The three men, their
faces grim, crush right past Jack and Rose. Andrews barely
glances at her.

SMITH
Can you shore up?

HUTCHINSON
Not unless the pumps get ahead.

The inspection party goes down the stairs to the well deck.


(CONTINUED)
106.
159 CONTINUED: 159


JACK
(low, to her)
It's bad.

ROSE
We have to tell Mother and Cal.

JACK
Now it's worse.

ROSE
Come with me, Jack. I jump, you
jump... Right?

JACK
Right.

Jack follows Rose through the door inside the ship.

CUT TO:

160 INT. B-DECK FOYER / CORRIDOR 160

Jack and Rose cross the foyer, entering the corridor.
Lovejoy is waiting for them in the hall as they approach the
room.

LOVEJOY
We've been looking for you miss.

Lovejoy follows and, unseen, moves close behind Jack and
smoothly slips the diamond necklace into the pocket of his
overcoat.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Action"]

Summary As Jack and Rose share intimate moments, the Titanic collides with an iceberg and chaos ensues as passengers flee flooding corridors and the crew rushes to find a solution.
Strengths "The scene effectively captures the sense of chaos and panic as the disaster unfolds. The intimate moments between Jack and Rose add emotional weight to the scene. The conflict between the crew and the passengers highlights the class divide on the ship."
Weaknesses "The scene is somewhat predictable, given the well-known historical event it depicts. The dialogue is somewhat on-the-nose at times."
Critique Overall, the scene serves its purpose of escalating the tension and setting up future conflicts, but there are some areas for improvement.

First, the action is somewhat disjointed and could benefit from more seamless transitions. For example, the cut from the boiler room to the gentlemen on the forward deck feels abrupt and could be smoothed out with establishing shots or other visual cues.

Second, the dialogue could be tightened up for more impact. There are several instances where characters repeat information or ask unnecessary questions that slow down the scene. A tighter exchange between Smith and Ismay, for example, would heighten their conflict and add to the urgency of the situation.

Lastly, the pacing could benefit from more variety in the camera angles and shot types used. There are many close-ups on characters' faces, which can feel monotonous, and more wide shots could provide a clearer sense of the ship's layout and the chaos of the situation.

Overall, while there is room for improvement, the scene effectively conveys the escalating danger on the ship and sets up future conflicts and reveals.
Suggestions The scene could benefit from more visual descriptions and setting the tone for the urgency and danger of the situation. Here are some suggestions:

- Instead of simply saying "Smith glances at him with annoyance", describe his body language and how it adds tension to the scene.
- In the boiler room, add more sensory details to really emphasize the danger and chaos present. For example, describe the frantic movements of the crew, the icy water sloshing around, and the smell of smoke and machinery.
- Use the visual of the men playing soccer with ice to juxtapose the potential disaster happening on the ship. Emphasize the contrast to really heighten the sense of danger.
- Make it clearer why it's worse for Jack and Rose now that they know the extent of the damage to the ship. Adding dialogue or internal thoughts can help clarify this.
- Include more description of Lovejoy's actions as he sneaks the diamond necklace into Jack's coat pocket. This adds tension for the audience and puts us on edge.



Scene 39 -  The Betrayal and the Sinking
  • Overall: 9.5
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
161 INT. ROSE AND CAL'S SUITE 161

Cal and Ruth wait in the sitting room, along with the Master
at Arms and two stewards (Steward #1 and Barnes). Silence
as Rose and Jack enter. Ruth closes her robe at her throat
when she sees Jack.

ROSE
Something serious has happened.

CAL
That's right. Two things dear to me
have disappeared this evening. Now
that one is back...
(he looks from Rose to Jack)
... I have a pretty good idea where to
fine the other.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
107.
161 CONTINUED: 161
CAL (cont'd)
(to Master at Arms)
Search him.

The Master at Arms steps up to Jack.

MASTER AT ARMS
Coat off, mate.

Lovejoy pulls at Jack's coat and Jack shakes his head in
dismay, shrugging out of it. The Master at Arms pats him
down.

JACK
This is horseshit.

ROSE
Cal, you can't be serious! We're in the
middle of an emergency and you--

Steward Barnes pulls the Heart of the Ocean out of the
pocket of Jack's coat.

STEWARD BARNES
Is this it?

Rose is stunned. Needless to say, so is Jack.

CAL
That's it.

MASTER AT ARMS
Right then. Now don't make a fuss.

He starts to handcuff Jack.

JACK
Don't you believe it, Rose. Don't!

ROSE
(uncertain)
He couldn't have.

CAL
Of course he could. Easy enough for a
professional. He memorized the
combination when you opend the safe.

FLASHBACK: Rose at the safe, looking in the mirror and
meeting Jack's eyes as he stands behind her, watching.

ROSE
But I was with him the whole time.



(CONTINUED)
108.
161 CONTINUED: (2) 161


CAL
(just to her, low and cold)
Maybe he did it while you were
putting your clothes back on.

JACK
They put it in my pocket!

LOVEJOY
(holding Jack's coat)
It's not even your pocket, son.
(reading)
"Property of A. L. Ryerson".

Lovejoy shows the coat to the Master at Arms. There is a
label inside the collar with the owner's name.

MASTER AT ARMS
That was reported stolen today.

JACK
I was going to return it! Rose--

Rose feels utterly betrayed, hurt and confused. She shrinks
away from him. He starts shouting to her as Lovejoy and the
Master at Arms drag him out into the hall. She can't look
him in the eye.

JACK
Rose, don't listen to them... I
didn't do this! You know I didn't! You
know it!

She is devastated. Her mother lays a comforting hand on her
shoulder as te tears well up.

RUTH
Why do women believe men?

CUT TO:

162 INT. MAIL SORTING ROOM / HOLD 162

Smith and Andrews come down the steps to the Mail Sorting
Room and finds the clerks scrambling to pull mail from the
racks. They are furiously hauling wet sacks of mail up from
the hold below.

Andrews climbs partway down the stairs to the hold, which is
almost full. Sacks of mail float everywhere. The lights
are still on below the surface, casting an eerie glow.



(CONTINUED)
109.
162 CONTINUED: 162

The Renault is visible under the water, the brass
glinting cheerfully. Andrews looks down as the water
covers his shoe, and scrambles back up the stairs.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Romance","Drama","Disaster"]

Summary After a passionate night in the back of a car, Jack and Rose are confronted by Cal and Ruth who accuse Jack of stealing the Heart of the Ocean necklace. As chaos ensues and the Titanic collides with an iceberg, Jack is taken away by the authorities and Rose is heartbroken.
Strengths "The intense emotions and conflict in the scene create a powerful dramatic moment that ratchets up the tension in the story."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels a bit contrived and heavy-handed, and there are a few too many coincidences that strain credulity."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and serves as an important moment in the story. However, there are some areas for improvement.

Firstly, the dialogue could be more engaging and dramatic. The characters, especially Rose and Jack, are going through a very emotional moment, but their lines feel a bit flat and unexciting. There should be more depth and intensity in their words.

Secondly, the action could be clearer. It is not immediately clear that the Heart of the Ocean necklace has actually been stolen, as there is no indication of this before the stewards pull it out of Jack's coat. A bit of foreshadowing or a hint earlier in the scene could help make the reveal more impactful.

Finally, the transition to the next scene feels a bit abrupt. The scene ends with Rose devastated and in tears, but then immediately cuts to a completely different location and situation with Smith and Andrews. A smoother transition could help the audience stay engaged in the story.
Suggestions The scene starts with Cal and Ruth waiting in the sitting room along with the Master of Arms and two stewards. To improve the scene, you can add some more context to why they are waiting, and what their reactions to the disappearance of the two things are. This will help engage the audience and make the scene more emotionally charged.

Furthermore, when the steward discovers the Heart of the Ocean in Jack's coat pocket, the scene should have more tension. Jack's reaction to the accusation and Rose's reaction to Jack's betrayal should be highlighted more strongly to make the scene more gripping.

Finally, the scene should have a stronger ending. Instead of immediately cutting to another location, there should be more buildup and a stronger emotional payoff before moving on to the next scene.



Scene 40 -  The Ship is Doomed
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 8
163 INT. BRIDE / CHARTROOM 163

Andrews unrolls a big drawing of the ship across the
chartroom table. It is a side elevation, showing all the
watertight bulkheads. His hands are shaking. Murdoch and
Ismay hover behind Andrews and the Captain.

ISMAY
When can we get underway, do you
think?

Smith glares at him and turns his attention to Andrews'
drawing. The builder points to it for emphasis as he talks.

ANDREWS
Water 14 feet above the keel in ten
minutes... in the forepeak... in all
three holds... and in boiler room
six.

SMITH
That's right.

ANDREWS
Five compartments. She can stay
afloat with the first four
compartments breached. But not
five. Not five. As she goes down by
the head the water will spill over
the tops of the bulkheads... at E
Deck... from one to the next... back
and back. There's no stopping it.

SMITH
The pumps--

ANDREWS
The pumps buy you time... but
minutes only. From this moment, no
matter what we do, Titanic will
founder.

ISMAY
But this ship can't sink!




(CONTINUED)
110.
163 CONTINUED: 163


ANDREWS
She is made of iron, sir. I assure
you, she can. And she will. It is a
mathematical certainty.

Smith looks like he has been gutpunched.

SMITH
How much time?

ANDREWS
An hour, two at most.

Ismay reels as his dream turns into his worst nightmare.

SMITH
And how many aboard, Mr. Murdoch?

MURDOCH
Two thousand two hundred souls
aboard, sir.

A long beat. Smith turns to his employer.

SMITH
I believe you may get your
headlines, Mr. Ismay.

CUT TO:

164 EXT. BOAT DECK 164

Andrews is striding along the boat deck, as seamen and
officers scurry to uncover the boats. Steam is venting from
pipes on the funnes overhead, and the din is horrendous.
Speech is difficult adding to the crew's level of
disorganization. Andrews sees some men fumbling with the
mechanism of one of the Wellin davits and yells to them over
the roar of steam.

ANDREWS
Turn to the right! Pull the falls
taut before you unchock. Have you
never had a boat drill?

SEAMAN
No sir! Not with these new davits,
sir.

He looks around, disguisted as the crew fumble with the
davits, and the tackle for the "falls"...



(CONTINUED)
111.
164 CONTINUED: 164

the ropes which are used to lower the boats. A few
passengers are coming out on deck, hesitantly in the noise
and bitter cold.

CUT TO:

165 INT. ROSE AND CAL'S SUITE 165

From inside the sitting room they can hear knocking and
voices in the corridor.

RUTH
I had better go dress.

Ruth exits and Hockley crosses to Rose. He regards her
coldly for a moment, then SLAPS her across the face.

CAL
It is a little slut, isn't it?

To Rose the blow is inconsequential compared to the blow her
heart has been given. Cal grabs her shoulders roughly.

CAL
Look at me, you little--

There is a loud knock on the door and an urgent voice. The
door opens and their steward puts his head in.

STEWARD BARNES
Sir, I've been told to ask you to
please put on your lifebelt, and
come up to the boat deck.

CAL
Get out. We're busy.

The steward persists, coming in to get the lifebelts down
from the top of a dresser.

STEWARD
I'm sorry about the inconvenience, Mr.
Hockley, but it's Captain's orders.
Please dress warmly, it's quite cold
tonight.
(he hands a lifebelt to Rose)
Not to worry, miss, I'm sure it's
just a precaution.

CAL
This is ridiculous.




(CONTINUED)
112.
165 CONTINUED: 165


In the corridor outside the stewards are being so polite and
obsequious they are conveying no sense of danger whatsoever.
However, it's another story in...

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The ship's builder, Andrews, reveals to the captain and crew that the Titanic is sinking and will founder due to the damage from colliding with an iceberg. Meanwhile, chaos and confusion ensue on the deck as crew members scramble to uncover the lifeboats, and some passengers try to come to terms with the fact that they may be in mortal danger.
Strengths "The scene effectively creates tension and a sense of impending doom as the characters realize the severity of the situation. The dialogue is well-written and realistic, conveying the urgency and panic of the moment. The theme of class inequality is present, with the wealthy Cal and Ruth showing callous disregard for the lives of those around them."
Weaknesses "The characters of Cal and Ruth are somewhat one-dimensional and unlikable, which may make it difficult for the audience to empathize with them. The scene is mostly expositional, which can make it feel slow-paced at times."
Critique This scene is well-written and effective for the story. It effectively conveys the rising tension and danger of the situation. Andrews' dialogue is particularly strong as he lays out the facts and certainties of the ship's impending sinking. The contrast between Ismay's denial and Andrews' certainty adds to the tension and drama of the scene.
The scene also effectively shows the chaos and urgency of the crew's response to the crisis. Andrews' frustration with the crew's lack of knowledge and preparedness further emphasizes the severity of the situation.
The scene with Rose and Cal adds another layer of tension, as they are oblivious to the impending disaster and are dealing with their own personal drama. The steward's polite but urgent warnings of the danger add dramatic irony to the scene.
Overall, there are no major flaws with this scene, and it effectively serves its purpose in the story.
Suggestions In the first scene, consider adding more action to break up the dialogue and make it more visually dynamic. Maybe have the characters pacing, looking out windows, or fidgeting with objects. Also, try to vary the sentence structure to make the dialogue more natural and dynamic.

For the second scene, consider adding more emotion and tension to the scene. Show Rose's reaction to the slap and Cal's aggression. Additionally, show the urgency and chaos happening outside the room as people are being told to put on life jackets and go to the deck. Finally, consider adding more description of the setting to make it feel more real and intense.



Scene 41 -  Chaos and Confusion as Titanic Sinks
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 10
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
166 INT. STEERAGE BERTHING AFT 166

BLACKNESS. Then BANG! The door is thrown open and the
lights snapped on by a steward. The Cartmell family rouses
from a sound sleep.

STEWARD #2
Everybody up. Let's go. Put your
lifebelts on.

IN THE CORRIDOR outside, another steward is going from door
to door along the hall, pouncing and yelling.

STEWARD #2
Lifebelts on. Lifebelts on.
Everybody up, come on. Lifebelts
on...

People come out of the doors behind the steward, perplexed.
In the foreground a SYRIAN WOMAN asks her husband what was
said. He shrugs.

CUT TO:

167 INT. WIRELESS ROOM 167

ON PHILLIPS, looking shocked.

PHILLIPS
CQD, sir?

SMITH
That's right. The distress call.
CQD. Tell whoever responds that we are
going down by the head and need
immediate assistance.

Smith hurries out.

PHILLIPS
Blimey.

BRIDE
Maybe you ought to try that new
distress call... S.O.S.
(grinning)
It may be our only chance to use it.

(CONTINUED)
113.
167 CONTINUED: 167


Phillips laughs in spite of himself and starts sending
history's first S.O.S. Dit dit dit, da da da, dit dit
dit... over and over.

CUT TO:

168 EXT. BOAT DECK 168

Thomas Andrews looks around in amazement. The deck is empty
except for the crew fumbling with the davits. He yells over
the roar of the steam to First Officer Murdoch.

ANDREWS
Where are all the passengers?

MURDOCH
They've all gone back inside. Too
damn cold and noisy for them.

Andrews feels like he is in a bad dream. He looks at his
pocketwatch and heads for the foyer entrance.

CUT TO:

169 INT. A-DECK FOYER 169

A large number of First Class passengers have gathered near
the staircase. They are getting indignant about the
confusion. Molly Brown snags a passing YOUNG STEWARD.

MOLLY
What's doing, sonny? You've got us all
trussed up and now we're cooling our
heels.

The young steward backs away, actually stumbling on the
stairs.

YOUNG STEWARD
Sorry, mum. Let me go and find out.

The jumpy piano rhythm of "Alexander's Ragtime Band" comes
out of the first class lounge a few yards away. Band leader
WALLACE HARTLEY has assembled some of his men on Captain's
orders, to allay panic.

Hockley's entourage comes up to the A-deck foyer. Cal is
carrying the lifebelts, almost as an afterthought. Rose is
like a sleepwalker.

CAL
It's just the God damned English
doing everything by the book.

(CONTINUED)
114.
169 CONTINUED: 169


RUTH
There's no need for language, Mr.
Hockley.
(to Trudy)
Go back and turn the heater on in my
room, so it won't be too cold when we
get back.

Thomas Andrews enters, looking around the magnificent room,
which he knows is doomed. Rose, standing nearby, sees his
heartbroken expression. She walks over to him and Cal goes
after her.

ROSE
I saw the iceberg, Mr. Andrews. And I
see it in your eyes. Please tell me the
truth.

ANDREWS
The ship will sink.

ROSE
You're certain?

ANDREWS
Yes. In an hour or so... all
this... will be at the bottom of the
Atlantic.

CAL
My God.

Now it is Cal's turn to look stunned. The Titanic?
Sinking?

ANDREWS
Please tell only who you must, I
don't want to be responsible for a
panic. And get to a boat quickly.
Don't wait. You remember what I
told you about the boats?

ROSE
Yes, I understand. Thankyou.

Andrews goes off, moving among the passengers and urging
them to put on their lifebelts and get to the boats.

CUT TO:
115.



170 INT. MASTER AT ARMS OFFICE 170

Lovejoy and the Master at Arms are handcuffing Jack to a 4"
WATER PIPE as a crewman rushes in anxiously and almost
blurts to the Master at Arms--

CREWMAN
You're wanted by the Purser, sir.
Urgently.

LOVEJOY
Go on. I'll keep an eye on him.

Lovejoy pulls a pearl handled Colt .45 automatic from under
his coat. The Master at Arms nods and tosses the handcuff
key to Lovejoy, then exits with the crewman. Lovejoy flips
the key in the air. Catches it.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Action","Disaster"]

Summary As chaos and confusion ensue on the Titanic's deck while crew members scramble to uncover the lifeboats and some passengers try to come to terms with the fact that they may be in mortal danger, Jack is taken away by the authorities and Rose is heartbroken. The ship's builder, Andrews, reveals to the captain and crew that the Titanic is sinking and will founder due to the damage from colliding with an iceberg.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact
  • Well-established stakes
Weaknesses
  • Some weak dialogue
Critique Overall, this scene seems to be well-written and executed. It effectively builds tension and establishes the chaos and confusion felt by the passengers and crew during the sinking of the Titanic.

One potential improvement could be to include more sensory details to fully immerse the audience in the experience. For example, adding descriptions of the cold, the sounds of metal bending and groaning, and the feeling of the ship tilting could make the scene even more powerful.

Another critique is the characterization of the Syrian woman and her husband. They are merely a background detail, and it's unclear why they are singled out. If they are meant to represent the many immigrants on the ship, their perspective and experiences could be more fully fleshed out to provide a more diverse portrayal of the passengers.

Overall though, this scene effectively conveys the chaos and panic of the sinking of the Titanic, and the characters' reactions and decisions feel authentic to the situation.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

- Add some more emotional depth to the scene with the Cartmell family. They have just been woken up abruptly and told to put on their lifebelts, which would be a terrifying experience. Show their fear and confusion.
- Clarify why the crew is suddenly telling everyone to put on their lifebelts. It's unclear from the scene what the emergency is.
- Make the interaction between the Syrian woman and her husband more poignant. They are both confused and scared, but are relying on each other for comfort. This could be an opportunity to show the diverse range of passengers on the ship and how they are all affected by the disaster.
- Cut out the scene with Lovejoy and the Master at Arms handcuffing Jack. This scene feels out of place and doesn't really add anything to the larger story. It breaks the tension of the scenes before and after it.



Scene 42 -  Chaos and Calm as the Titanic Sinks
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
171 INT. BRIDGE 171

Junior Wireless Operator Bride is relaying a message to
Captain Smith from the CUNARD LINER CARPATHIA.

BRIDE
Carpathia says they're making 17
knots, full steam for them, sir.

SMITH
And she's the only one who's
responding?

BRIDE
The only one close, sir. She says
they can be here in four hours.

SMITH
Four hours!

The enormity of it hits Smith like a sledgehammer blow.

SMITH
Thank you, Bride.

He turns as Bride exits, and looks out onto the blackness.

SMITH
(to himself)
My God.

CUT TO:
116.



172 EXT. BOAT DECK - NIGHT 172

Lightoller has his boats swung out. He is standing amidst a
crowd of uncertain passengers in all states of dress and
undress. One first class woman is barefoot. Others are in
stockings. The maitre of the restaurant is in top hat and
overcoat. Others are still in evening dress, while some are
in bathrobes and kimonos. Women are wearing lifebelts over
velvet gowns, then topping it with sble stoles. Some
brought jewels, others books, even small dogs.

Lightoller sees Smith walking stiffly toward him and quickly
goes to him. He yells into the Captain's ear, through
cupped hands, over the roar of the steam...

LIGHTOLLER
Hadn't we better get the women and
children into the boats, sir?

Smith just nods, a bit abstractly. The fire has gone out of
him. Lightoller sees the awesome truth in Smith's face.

LIGHTOLLER
(to the men)
Right! Start the loading. Women and
children!

The appalling din of escaping steam abruptly cuts off,
leaving a sudden unearthly silence in which Lightoller's
voice echoes.

ON WALLACE HARTLEY raising his violin to play.

HARTLEY
Number 26. Ready and--

The band has reassembled just outside the First Class
Entrance, port side, near where Lightoller is calling for
the boats to be loaded. They strike up a waltz, lively and
elegant. The music wafts all over the ship.

LIGHTOLLER
Ladies, please. Step into the boat.

Finally one soman steps across the gap, into the boat,
terrified of the drop to the water far below.

WOMAN IN CROWD

You watch. They'll put us off in these silly little
boats to freeze, and we'll all be back on board by
breakfast.


(CONTINUED)
117.
CONTINUED:


Cal, Rose and Ruth come out of the doors near the band.

RUTH
My brooch, I left my brooch. I must
have it!

She turns back to go to her room but Cal takes her by the
arm, refusing to let her go. The firmness of his hold
surprises her.

CAL
Stay here, Ruth.

Ruth sees his expression, and knows fear for the first time.

CUT TO:

173 INT. STEERAGE BERTHING AFT / CORRIDORS AND STAIRWELL 173

It is chaos, with stewards pushing their way through narrow
corridors clogged with peopel carrying suitcases, duffel
bags, children. Some have lifebelts on, others don't.

STEWARD #2
(to Steward #3)
I told the stupid sods no luggage. Aw,
bloody hell!

He throws up his hand at the sight of a family, loaded down
with cases and bags, completely blocking the corridor.

Fabrizio and Tommy push past the stewards, going the other
way. They rech a huge crowd gathered at the bottom of the
MAIN 3RD CLASS STAIRWELL. Fabrizio spots Helga with the
rest of the Dahl family, standing patiently with suitcases
in hand. He reaches her and she grins, hugging him.

Tommy pushes to where he can see what's holding up the
group. There is a steel gate across the top of the stairs,
with several stewards and seamen on the other side.

STEWARD
Stay calm, please. It's not time to go
up to the boats yet.

Near Tommy, an IRISHWOMAN stands stoically with two small
children and their battered luggage.

LITTLE BOY
What are we doing, mummy?




(CONTINUED)
118.
173 CONTINUED: 173


WOMAN
We're just waiting, dear. When they
fiish putting First Class people in the
boats, they'll be startin' with us, and
we'll want to be all ready, won't we?

CUT TO:

174 EXT. STARBOARD SIDE 174

Boat 7 is less than half full, with 28 aboard a boat made
for 65.

FIRST OFFICER MURDOCH

Lower away! By the left and right together, stady lads!

The boat lurches as the falls start to pay out through the
pulley blocks. The women gasp. The boat descends, swaying
and jerking, toward the water 60 feet below. The passengers
are terrified.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary As chaos and confusion ensue on the Titanic's deck while crew members scramble to uncover the lifeboats and some passengers try to come to terms with the fact that they may be in mortal danger, Junior Wireless Operator Bride relays a message to Captain Smith from the Cunard Liner Carpathia. The enormity of the situation hits Smith like a sledgehammer and Lightoller begins to get the women and children into the boats as the band plays nearby. Meanwhile, below deck, there is chaos in the steerage berthing and Tommy and Fabrizio try to make their way out. Boat 7 is lowered away, but is less than half full.
Strengths "The scene effectively conveys the chaos and terror of the situation as passengers come to terms with the sinking of the ship. The band's performance adds a poignant touch. "
Weaknesses "The dialogue is somewhat lacking and feels a bit stilted, which detracts from the emotional impact."
Critique Overall, this scene seems to be progressing the story quite effectively. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the dialogue between Bride and Smith feels a bit clunky and unnatural. It doesn't flow smoothly and doesn't sound realistic for the situation. It could benefit from some more nuanced or emotionally charged language to reflect the gravity of the situation.

Secondly, the description of the passengers on the boat deck feels a bit chaotic and overwhelming. It would be helpful to have a clearer sense of who the main characters are in this scene, and how they are reacting to the impending disaster. The focus could be narrowed down to a few key individuals to give the scene more emotional impact.

Lastly, the transition between the different cuts could be smoother. The scene jumps around quite abruptly and could benefit from some more transitional elements to connect the different parts of the action.

Overall, there are some areas that could be improved upon, but the scene is still effective in conveying the urgency and chaos of the situation on board the Titanic.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions for improving Scene 42:

- The scene could benefit from more visual description to enhance the emotion of the moment. For example, when Smith hears that the Carpathia is the only one responding, perhaps we could see a close-up of his face as the enormity of the situation sinks in.

- The dialogue between Lightoller and Smith could be made more concise and impactful, perhaps by giving Smith a stronger reaction to the news that the Carpathia is still four hours away.

- The transition to the Boat Deck scene could be smoother. One option would be to establish the connection between the bridge and the Boat Deck by showing Bride relaying the news to someone else who then informs Lightoller.

- In the Boat Deck scene, the focus could be sharpened by having a clear protagonist. Perhaps we could follow the perspective of one particular passenger or one of the crew members, allowing us to experience the chaos and fear more intimately.

- The visual description of the passengers and their attire could be used more effectively to convey the surreal quality of the situation. For example, instead of just listing the different clothing items they're wearing, we could show how incongruous they look against the backdrop of the sinking ship.

- The dialogue in the Steerage Berthing scene could be made more distinct by giving different characters unique voices and perspectives. This would help to differentiate them from the other passengers and create more empathy for their situation.

- Overall, the scene could benefit from more sensory detail to transport the viewer into the urgency and chaos of the moment. By using vivid language and specific details, we can create a more immersive and emotionally powerful experience.



Scene 43 -  Jack is Betrayed and Left to Drown
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
175 EXT. / INT. TITANIC HULL AND MASTER AT ARMS OFFICE 175

TRACKING along the rows of portholes angling down into the
water. Under the surface, they glow green. PUSHING IN on
one porthole which is have submerged. Inside we see Jack,
looking apprehensively at the water rising up the glass.

INSIDE THE MASTER AT ARMS' OFFICE Jack sits chained to the
waterpipe, next to the porthole. Lovejoy sits on the edge
of a desk. He puts a .45 bullet on the desk and watches it
roll across and fall off. He picks up the bullet.

LOVEJOY
You know... I believe this ship may
sink.
(crosses to Jack)
I've been asked to give you this
small token of our appreciation...

He punches Jack hard in the stomach, knocking the wind out
of him.

LOVEJOY
Compliments of Mr. Caledon Hockley.




(CONTINUED)
119.
175 CONTINUED: 175


Lovejoy flips the handcuff key in the air, catches it and
puts it in his pocket. He exits. Jack is left gasping,
handcuffed to the pipe.

CUT TO:

176 EXT. BOAT DECK / STARBOARD SIDE, FORWARD 176

At the stairwell rail on the bridge wing, Fourth Officer
Boxhall and Quartermaster Rowe light the first distress
rocket. It shoots into the sky and EXPLODES with a
thunderclap over the ship, sending out white starbursts
which light up the entire deck as they fall.

WHIP PAN off the starbursts to Ismay. The Managing Director
of White Star Line is cracking. Already at the breaking
point from his immense guilt, the rocket panics him. He
starts shouting at the officers struggling with the falls of

BOAT 5.

ISMAY
There is no time to waste!
(yelling and waving his arms)
Lower away! Lower away! Lower
away!

FIFTH OFFICER LOWE, a baby-faced 28, and the youngest
officer, looks up from the tangled falls at the madman.

LOWE
Get out of the way, you fool!

ISMAY
Do you know who I am?

Lowe, not having a clue nor caring, squares up to Ismay.

LOWE
You're a passenger. And I'm a
ship's bloody officer. Now do what
you're told!

LOWE (CONT'D)
(turning away)
Steady men! Stand by the falls!

ISMAY
(numbly, backing away)
Yes, quite right. Sorry.

CUT TO:
120.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Lovejoy delivers a beating to Jack and leaves him handcuffed to a water pipe as the Titanic begins to sink. Meanwhile, the crew on deck tries to lower lifeboats and Ismay panics and yells at the officers for not lowering boat 5 fast enough.
Strengths "The scene is tense and emotional with high stakes. The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear."
Weaknesses "The scene is chaotic and some actions are hard to follow."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension and chaos of the sinking of the Titanic. The descriptions of the distress rocket and starbursts are vivid and create a powerful image.

Regarding the specific critique of the scene, one note would be that the transition between the two settings - Jack chained to the water pipe and the officers on the boat deck - could be smoother. Perhaps a transitional shot or scene would help establish the change in setting more clearly.

Additionally, Lovejoy's punch to Jack feels somewhat gratuitous and overly violent. While it does add to the intensity of the scene, it may not be entirely necessary and could be toned down or removed altogether.

Overall, the scene effectively builds tension and sets up the stakes for the rest of the story.
Suggestions One suggestion would be to make the action and dialogue more concise and impactful. Consider cutting down on some of the extraneous actions and dialogue that do not contribute significantly to the plot or character development. For example, rather than including Lovejoy's actions with the bullet and handcuff key, the focus could be solely on his violence towards Jack and the message from Hockley. This would make the scene more intense and memorable for the audience. Additionally, instead of the lengthy exchange between Ismay and the officers, the focus could be on the tension and urgency of lowering the lifeboats, which is the central conflict during this portion of the film. Streamlining the scene in these ways would make it more efficient and effective for the overall story.



Scene 44 -  Chaos and Heartbreak
  • Overall: 9.2
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
177 EXT. BOAT DECK / PORT SIDE 177

SECOND OFFICER LIGHTOLLER is loading the boat nearest Cal
and Rose... Boat 6.

LIGHTOLLER
Women and children only! Sorry sir, no
men yet.

Another rocket bursts overhead, lighting the crowd.
Startled faces turn upward. Fear now in the eyes.

DANIEL MARVIN has his Biograph camera set up, cranking
away... hoping to get an exposure off the rocket's light.
he has Mary posed in front of the scene at the boats.

MARVIN
You're afraid, darling. Scared to
death. That's it!

Either she suddenly learned to act or she is petrified.

ROSE watches the farewells taking pace right in front of her
as they step closer to the boat. Husbands saying goodbye to
wives and children. Lovers and friends parted. Nearby
MOLLY is getting a reluctant woman to board the boat.

MOLLY
Come on, you heard the man. Get in the
boat, sister.

RUTH
Will the lifeboats be seated
according to class? I hope they're not
too crowded--

ROSE
Oh, Mother shut up!
(Ruth freezes, mouth open)
Don't you understand? The water is
freezing and there aren't enough
boats... not enough by half. Half the
people on this ship are going to die.

CAL
Not the better half.

PUSH IN ON ROSE'S FACE as it hits her like a thunderbolt.
Jack is third class. He doesn't stand a chance. Another
rocket bursts overhead, bathing her face in white light.

ROSE
You unimaginable bastard.

(CONTINUED)
121.
177 CONTINUED: 177


MOLLY
Come on, Ruth, get in the boat.
These are the first class seats
right up here. That's it.

Molly practically hands her over to Lightoller, then looks
around for some other women who might need a push.

MOLLY
Come on, Rose. You're next,
darlin'.

Rose steps back, shaking her head.

RUTH
Rose, get in the boat!

ROSE
Goodbye, mother.

Ruth, standing in the tippy lifeboat, can do nothing. Cal
grabs Rose's arm but she pulls free and walks away through
the crowd. Cal catches up to Rose and grabs her again,
roughly.

CAL
Where are you going? To him? Is
that it? To be a whore to that
gutter rat?

ROSE
I'd rather be his whore than your
wife.

He clenches his jaw and squeezes her arm viciously, pulling
her back toward the lifeboat. Rose pulls out a hairpin and
jabs him with it. he lets go with a curse and she runs into
the crowd.

LIGHTOLLER
Lower away!!

RUTH
Rose! ROSE!!

MOLLY
Stuff a sock in it, would ya, Ruth.
She'll be along.

The boat lurches downward as the falls are paid out.




(CONTINUED)
122.
177 CONTINUED: (2) 177


TRACKING WITH ROSE, as she runs through the clusters of
people. She looks back and a furious Cal is coming after
her. She runs breathlessly up to two proper looking men.

ROSE
That man tried to take advantage of me
in the crowd!

Appalled, they turn to see Cal running toward them. Rose
runs on as the two men grab Cal, restraining him. She runs
throught the First Class entrance.

Cal breaks free and runs after her. He reaches the
entrance, but runs into a knot of people coming out. He
pushes rudely through them...

CUT TO:

178 INT. BOAT DECK FOYER / STAIRCASE / A-DECK FOYER 178

Cal runs in, and down to the landing, pushing past the
gentlemen and ladies who are filling up the stairs. He
scans the A-deck foyer. Rose is gone.

CUT TO:

179 EXT. OCEAN / TITANIC / BOAT 6 179

The hull of Titanic looms over Boat 6 like a cliff. Its
enormous mass is suddenly threatening to those in the tiny
boat. Quartermaster Hitchins, at the tiller, wants nothing
but to get away from the ship. Unfortunately his two seamen
can't row. They flail like a duck with a broken wing.

HITCHINS
Keep pulling... away from the ship.
Pull.

MOLLY
Ain't you boys ever rowed before?
Here, gimme those oars. I'll show ya
how it's done.

She climbs over Ruth to get at the oars, stepping on her
feet.

Around them the evacuation is in full swing, with boats in
the water, others being lowered.

CUT TO:
123.



180 INT. MASTER AT ARMS OFFICE / CORRIDOR 180

Jack pulls on the pipe with all his strength. It's not
budging. He hears gurgling sound. Water pours under the
door, spreading rapidly across the floor.

JACK
Shit.

He tries to pull one hand out of the cuffs, working until
the skin is raw... no good.

JACK
Help!! Somebody!! Can anybody hear
me?!
(to himself)
This could be bad.

181 THE CORRIDOR outside is deserted. Flooded a couple of
inches deep. Jack's voice comes faintly through the door,
but there is no one to hear it.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary As chaos and confusion ensue on the Titanic's deck while crew members scramble to uncover the lifeboats and some passengers try to come to terms with the fact that they may be in mortal danger, Jack is taken away by the authorities and Rose is heartbroken.
Strengths "Intense emotional impact on the audience, strong character development for Jack and Rose, great depiction of chaos and panic on the sinking Titanic."
Weaknesses "Minor plot holes, some cliche dialogue."
Critique Overall, the scene has effective use of tension and conflict that drives the story forward. However, there are some areas that may benefit from improvement:

- The camera direction and set up with Daniel Marvin could be clearer to fully understand the action.
- Some character motivations and reactions could be more fully developed, such as the sudden change in Mary's acting abilities and Rose's sudden realization about Jack's class status.
- The dialogue could benefit from more nuance and subtlety in certain areas, such as the exchange between Cal and Ruth.
- The transition between scenes could be smoother to prevent jarring jumps in location and action.

Overall, the scene has strong elements and potential, but some areas could be polished for a more cohesive and effective narrative.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, I would suggest that the dialogue in this scene could be tightened up to increase its impact and emotional resonance. For example:

- Lightoller's line about "no men yet" feels somewhat unnecessary, as it isn't really relevant to the action and doesn't add any real tension. Instead, he could simply say "Women and children only!" to streamline the dialogue.
- The exchange between Ruth and Rose could similarly be shortened; their conversation feels a bit clunky, and Rose's outburst doesn't have as much impact because it's somewhat buried in the middle of the dialogue. Instead, Ruth could ask about the seating arrangements, Rose could snap at her, and Cal could interject with his snarky comment about "the better half." This cuts to the heart of the conflict and makes the scene feel more focused.
- When Cal grabs Rose and starts to drag her towards the lifeboat, I would suggest adding some more physical action to make the moment feel more intense and visceral. For example, Rose could struggle and try to pull away, perhaps even shoving Cal in the process. This would make her decision to run away feel more urgent and motivated.
- Similarly, when Rose runs through the crowd and tells the two proper-looking men that Cal tried to take advantage of her, I would suggest adding some more detail to make the moment feel more specific. For example, she could describe how he grabbed her or made inappropriate comments, which would make the men's reaction feel more justified.
- Overall, I think the scene could benefit from some more sensory language to create a stronger sense of atmosphere and tension. For example, when the rocket bursts overhead, we could get some more detailed descriptions of how the light reflects off people's faces or how the noise of the explosion affects the crowd. This would make the scene feel more immersive and impactful.



Scene 45 -  Desperate Measures
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 8
182 INT. FIRST CLASS CORRIDOR 182

Thomas Andrews is opening stateroom doors, checking that
people are out.

ANDREWS
Anyone in here?

Rose runs up to him, breathless.

ROSE
Mr. Andrews, thank God! Where would the
Master at Arms take someone under
arrest?!

ANDREWS
What? You have to get to a boat
right away!

ROSE
No! I'll do this with or without
your help, sir. But without will
take longer.

ANDREWS
(beat)
Take the elevator to the very
bottom, go left, down the crewman's
passage, then make a right.

(CONTINUED)
124.
182 CONTINUED: 182


ROSE
Bottom, left, right. I have it.

ANDREWS
Hurry, Rose.

CUT TO:

183 INT. FOYER / ELEVATORS 183

Rose runs up as the last Elecator Operator is closing up his
lift to leave.

OPERATOR
Sorry, miss, lifts are closed--

Without thinking she grabs him and shoves him back into the
lift.

ROSE
I'm through with being polite,
goddamnit!! I may never be polite the
rest of my life! Now take me down!!

The operator fumbles to close the gate and start the lift.

CUT TO:

184 EXT. OCEAN / BOAT 6 184

Molly and the two seamen are rowing, and they've made it a
hundret feet or so. Enough to see that the ship is angled
down into the water, with the bow rail less than ten feet
above the surface.

MOLLY
Come on girls, join in, it'll keep ya
warm. Let's go Ruth. Grab an oar!

Ruth just stares at the spectacle of the great liner, its
rows of lights blazing, slanting down into the sullen black
mirror of the Atlanic.

CUT TO:

185 INT. FIRST CLASS ELEVATOR / CORRIDORS 185

Through the wrought iron door of the elevator car Rose can
see the decks going past. The lift slows. Suddenly ICE
WATER is swirling around her legs. She SCREAMS in surprise.
So does the operator.



(CONTINUED)
125.
185 CONTINUED: 185


The car has landed in a foot of freezing water, shocking the
hell out of her. She claws the door open and splashes out,
hiking up her floor-length skirt so she can move. The lift
goes back up, behind her, as she looks around.

ROSE
Left, crew passage.

She spots it and slogs down the flooded corridor. The place
is understandably deserted. She is on her own.

ROSE
Right, right... right.

She turns into a cross-corridor, splashing down the hall. A
row of doors on each side.

ROSE
Jack? Jaaacckk??

CUT TO:

186 INT. MASTER AT ARMS OFFICE / CORRIDOR 186

Jack is hopelessly pulling on the pipe again, straining
until he turns red. He collapses back on the bench.
realizing he's screwed. Then he hears her through the door.

JACK
ROSE!! In here!

187 IN THE HALL Rose hears his voice behind her. She spins
and runs back, locating the right door, then pushes it open,
creating a small wave.

She splashes over Jack and puts her arms around him.

ROSE
Jack, Jack, Jack... I'm sorry, I'm so
sorry.

They are so happy to see each other it's embarrassing.

JACK
That guy Lovejoy put it in my
pocket.

ROSE
I know, I know.




(CONTINUED)
126.
186 CONTINUED: 186


JACK
See if you can find a key for these. Try
those drawers. It's a little brass
one.

She kisses his face and hugs him again, then starts to go
through the desk.

JACK
So... how did you find out I didn't do
it?

ROSE
I didn't.
(she looks at him)
I just realized I already knew.

They share a look, then she goes back to ransacking the
room, searching drawers and cupboards. Jack sees movement
out the porthole and looks out.

A LIFEBOAT hits the surface of the water, seen from below.

CUT TO:

188 EXT. TITANIC / BOAT ONE 188

While the seamen detach the falls, Boat One rocks next to
the hull. Lucile and Sir Cosmo Duff-Gordon sit with ten
others in a boat made for four times that many.

LUCILE
I despise small boats. I just know I'm
going to be seasick. I always get
seasick in small boats. Good Heavens,
there's a man down there.

In a lit porthole beneath the surface she sees Jack looking
up at her... a face in a bubble of light under the water.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["drama"]

Summary As the ship sinks, Rose frantically searches for Jack after he is taken into custody and Lovejoy handcuffs him to a water pipe. Meanwhile, the crew attempts to lower lifeboats, and passengers struggle to come to terms with the severity of the situation.
Strengths "The scene delivers high-level tension that showcases the consequences of decisions made throughout the movie. The dialogue and performances were strong and communicated intense emotional turmoil."
Weaknesses "Some of the storylines seem undeveloped, particularly the Duff-Gordon's boat and the people struggling in steerage."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and moves the plot along effectively, but there are a few areas that could use improvement.

Firstly, the dialogue between Andrews and Rose feels a bit stiff and expository. Rather than having Andrews tell Rose exactly where to go, it would be more interesting to see Rose taking charge and figuring it out for herself. This would make her character feel more proactive and resourceful.

Secondly, Rose's outburst and physical aggression towards the elevator operator feels out of character and unnecessary. It's a bit jarring and could be toned down to make her more sympathetic.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more sensory description to enhance the tension and emotion of the moment. For example, describing the coldness of the water and the fear that Rose feels as she slogs down the flooded corridor would make the audience feel more connected to the action.

Overall, the scene is strong and effective, but with a few tweaks, it could be even better.
Suggestions Here are some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. Increase the tension: The scene feels a bit flat, and it could benefit from more tension, considering the urgency of the situation. You could achieve this by adding a sense of panic and chaos, making the characters feel more rushed and anxious.

2. Clarify the stakes: The audience needs to understand the consequences of Rose and Jack's actions. What happens if they don't make it to the boat in time? What happens if they get caught by the Master at Arms? Make sure the stakes are clear and high enough to keep the audience invested.

3. Develop the characters: Rose and Jack's reunion feels a bit rushed and superficial. You could spend more time developing their relationship and building the tension between them. You could also add more backstory and motivation to their actions, so the audience understands why they are willing to risk so much.

4. Use visuals: The scene could benefit from more visuals to help the audience understand what's happening. For example, you could show more shots of the flooding, the lifeboats, and the chaos on the ship. You could also use more close-ups of the characters to show their emotions and reactions.



Scene 46 -  Desperation and Determination
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
189 INT. MASTER AT ARMS OFFICE 189

Rose stops trashing the room, and stands there, breathing
hard.

ROSE
There's no key in here.

They look around at the water, now almost two feet deep.
Jack has pulled his feet up onto the bench.


(CONTINUED)
127.
189 CONTINUED: 189


JACK
You have to go for help.

ROSE
(nodding)
I'll be right back.

JACK
I'll wait here.

She runs out, looking back at him once from the doorway,
then splashes away. Jack looks down at the swirling water.

CUT TO:

190 INT. STAIRWELL AND CORRIDORS 190

Rose splashes down the hall to a stairwell going up to the
next deck. She climbs the stairs, her long skirt leaving a
trail like a giant snail. The weight of it is really
slowing her down. She rips at the buttons and shimmies
quickly out of the thing. She bounds up the stairs in her
stockings and knee-length slip, to find herself in--

191 A LONG CORRIDOR... part of the labyrinth of steerage
hallways forward. She is alone here. A long groan of
stressing metal echoes along the hall as the ship continues
to settle. She runs down the hall, unimpeded now.

ROSE
Hello? Somebody?!

She turns a corner and runs along another corridor in a
daze. The hall slopes down into water which, shimmers,
reflecting the light. The margin of the water creeps toward
her. A YOUNG MAN appears, running through the water,
sending up geysers of spray. He pelts past her without
slowing, his eyes crazed...

ROSE
Help me! We need help!

He doesn't look back. It is like a bad dream. The hull
gongs with terrifying sounds.

The lights flicker and go out, leaving utter darkness. A
beat. Then they come back on. She finds herself
hyperventilating. That one moment of blackness was the most
terrifying of her life.

A STEWARD runs around the nearest corner, his arms full of
lifebelts. He is upset to see someone still in his section.


(CONTINUED)
128.
190 CONTINUED: 190

He grabs her forcefully by the arm, pulling her with him
like a wayward child.

STEWARD
Come on, then, let's get you
topside, miss, that's right.

ROSE
Wait. Wait! I need your help!
There's--

STEWARD
No need for panic, miss. Come
along!

ROSE
No, let me go! You're going the
wrong way!

He's not listening. And he won't let her go.

She SHOUTS in his ear, and when he turns, she punches him
squarely in the nose. Shocked, he lets her go and staggers
back.

STEWARD
To Hell with you!

ROSE
See you there, buster!

The steward runs off, holding his bloody nose. She spits
after him. Just the way Jack taugh: her.

She turns around, SEES: a glass case with a fire-axe in it.
She breaks the glass with a battered suitcase which is lying
discarded nearby, and seizes the axe, running back the way
she came.

192 AT THE STAIRWELL she looks down and gasps. The water
has flooded the bottom five steps. She goes down and has to
crouch to look along the corridor to the room where Jack is
trapped.

Rose plunges into the water, which is up to her waist... and
powers forward, holding the axe above her head in two hands.
She grimaces at the pain from the literally freezing water.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Disaster"]

Summary As the ship sinks, Rose desperately searches for Jack after he is taken into custody and Lovejoy handcuffs him to a water pipe. Meanwhile, the crew attempts to lower lifeboats, and passengers struggle to come to terms with the severity of the situation.
Strengths "The scene effectively conveys the sense of desperation and urgency felt by the characters as they face the sinking ship. Rose's determination to save Jack adds emotional depth to the scene."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels a bit cliched or overly dramatic."
Critique This scene from Titanic has a good balance of action and tension. The stakes are high and we care about Rose and Jack's survival. However, there are some areas for improvement.

Firstly, the dialogue could be stronger. There isn't much depth to the conversation between Rose and Jack and it feels a bit too straightforward. It would benefit from more emotion and subtext.

Secondly, the scene could use more description of the setting. While we know they are in a flooded room, there isn't much clarity on what it looks like or how it feels to be in that environment. Adding more sensory details would help the audience feel more immersed in the scene.

Lastly, the pacing of this scene could be improved. It moves quickly from Rose smashing the glass case to get the fire-axe to her immediately navigating the flooded corridor. Adding a beat or two to show more of her struggle to break the glass and possibly her hesitation before plunging into the water would create a more suspenseful and impactful moment.

Overall, this scene has some strong elements, but with some added depth and more description of the setting, it could be even better.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, I would suggest adding more tension to the scene. One way to do this is to heighten the stakes of the situation. Currently, the scene only shows Rose trying to find help and Jack waiting for her. Adding a time limit or consequence if they don't escape in time would make this scene more engaging for the audience. Additionally, adding more obstacles for Rose to overcome, such as encountering more panicked passengers or encountering locked doors, would increase the tension and the sense of urgency. Finally, adding more description to the setting would make the scene more immersive for the audience. We get a sense of the water rising, but more details about the environment and the sounds would bring the audience into the setting even more.



Scene 47 -  Rose saves Jack
  • Overall: 9.2
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 9
193 INT. MASTER AT ARMS OFFICE 193

Jack has climbed up on the bench, and is hugging the
waterpipe. Rose wades in, holding the axe above her head.

(CONTINUED)
129.
193 CONTINUED: 193


ROSE
Will this work?

JACK
We'll find out.

They are both terrified, but trying to keep panic at bay.
He positions the chain connecting the two cuffs, stretching
it taut across the steel pipe. The chain is of course very
short, and his exposed wrists are on either side of it.

JACK
Try a couple practice swings.

Rose hefts the axe and thunks it into a wooden cabinet.

JACK
Now try to hit the same mark again.

She swings hard and the blade thunks in four inches from the
mark.

JACK
Okay, that's enough practice.

He winces, bracing himself as she raises the axe. She has
to hit a target about an inch wide with all the foce she can
muster, with his hands on either side.

JACK
(sounding calm)
You can do it, Rose. Hit it as hard as
you can, I trust you.

Jack closes his eyes. So does she.

The axe comes down. K-WHANG! Rose gingerly opens her eyes
looks... Jack is grinning with two separate cuffs.

Rose drops the axe, all the strength going out of her.

JACK
Nice work, there, Paul Bunyan.

He climbs down into the water next to her. He can't breathe
for a second.

JACK
Shit! Excuse my French. Ow ow ow,
that is cold! Come on, let's go.




(CONTINUED)
130.
193 CONTINUED: (2) 193


They wade out into the hall. Rose starts toward the stiars
going up, but Jack stops her. There is only about a foot of
the stairwell opening visible.

JACK
Too deep. We gotta find another way
out.

CUT TO:

194 EXT. BOAT 6 AND TITANIC 194

TIGHT ON THE LETTERS TITANIC painted two feet high on the
bow of the doomed steamer. Once 50 feet above the
waterline, they now quietly slip below the surface. We see
them, gold on black, rippling and dimming to a pale green as
they go deeper.

195 IN BOAT SIX, Ruth looks back at the Titanic, transfixed
by the sight of the dying liner. The bowsprit is now barely
above the waterline. Another of Boxhall's rockets EXPLODES
overhead. K-BOOM! It lights up the whole area, and we see
half a dozen boats in the water, spreading out from the
ship.

MOLLY
Now there's somethin' you don't see
every day.

CUT TO:

196 INT. SCOTLAND ROAD / E-DECK 196

The widest passageway in the ship, it is used by crew and
steerage alike, and runs almost the length of the ship.
Right now steerage passengers move along it like refugees,
heading aft.

CRASH! A wooden doorframe splinters and the door bursts
open under the force of Jack's shoulder. Jack and Rose
stumble through, into the corridor. A STEWARD, who was
nearby herding people along, marches over.

STEWARD
Here you! You'll have to pay for
that, you know. That's White Star
Line property--

JACK AND ROSE
(turning together)
Shutup!



(CONTINUED)
131.
196 CONTINUED: 196


Jack leads her past the dumbfounded steward. They join the
steerage stragglers going aft. In places the corridor is
almost completely blocked by large families carrying all
their luggage.

AN IRISH WOMAN gives Rose a blanket, more for modesty than
because she is blue-lipped and shivering.

IRISHWOMAN
Here, lass, cover yerself.

Jack rubs her arms and tries to warm her up as they walk
along. The woman's husband offers them a flask of whiskey.

IRISHMAN
This'll take the chill off.

Rose takes a mighty belt and hands it to Jack. He grins and
follows suit. Jack tries a number of DOORS and IRON GATES
along the way, finding them all locked.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Action","Disaster"]

Summary Rose and Jack are scared and trying to escape being handcuffed to a water pipe by Lovejoy as the Titanic sinks. They manage to break the cuffs and escape into the flooded hallways of the ship. As they struggle to find a way out, they are aided by kind passengers from steerage.
Strengths "The scene is tense and exciting, with strong emotional impact. It shows the characters' bravery and resourcefulness as they fight for survival. The supportive camaraderie of fellow passengers helps add a hopeful note amidst the chaos of the sinking ship."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is occasionally cliched, such as when Jack calls Rose 'Paul Bunyan'. The scene may also be difficult for sensitive viewers to watch due to the intensity of the situation."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tension and desperation of Jack and Rose's situation. The dialogue between the two characters feels natural and the action is well-paced.

One suggestion for improvement would be to trim down some of the description and focus more on the action and dialogue to increase the sense of urgency. For example, lines like "He winces, bracing himself as she raises the axe" and "She swings hard and the blade thunks in four inches from the mark" could be simplified to "Jack braces himself as Rose swings the axe. It misses the mark by four inches."

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the setting and immerse the audience in the characters' experiences. For example, describing the sound of water dripping or the feel of the cold water on their skin would help bring the scene to life.

Overall, the scene effectively moves the story forward and keeps the audience engaged.
Suggestions The scene itself is well-written and engaging, but there are a few suggestions I would make to improve it:

1. Add more tension: Although the characters are clearly scared, there's not a ton of tension in the scene. Consider adding more high stakes to the moment - for example, maybe they hear approaching footsteps, or they realize they're running out of time.

2. Make the obstacle harder to overcome: While it's impressive that Rose manages to hit the chain without hitting Jack's hands, it might be more interesting to make the obstacle even more difficult to overcome. Perhaps there's a limited amount of time they have to get the cuffs off before they face a bigger threat.

3. Show, don't tell: Instead of having Jack say "We're both terrified but trying to keep panic at bay," consider showing their fear through their actions and dialogue. For example, they could be breathing heavily or saying things like "We're not going to make it."

Overall, this is a strong scene that keeps the story moving forward. Adding more tension and making the obstacle even harder to overcome could take it to the next level.



Scene 48 -  Desperation and Chaos on the Boat Deck
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
197 EXT. BOAT DECK 197

ON THE BOAT DECK, the action has moved to the aft group of
boats, numbers 9, 11, 13 and 15 on the starboard side, and
10, 12, 14 and 16 on the port side. The pace of work is
more frantic. You see crew and officers running now to work
the davits, their previous complacency gone.

CAL pushes through the crowd, scanning for Rose. Around him
is chaos and confusion. A woman is calling for a child who
has become seperated from the crowd. A man is shouting over
people's heads. A woman takes hold of Second Officer
Lightoller's arm as he is about to launch Boat 10.

WOMAN
Will you hold the boat a moment? I
have to run back to my room for
something--

Lightoller grabs her and shoves her bodily into the boat.
Thomas Andrews rushes up to him just then.

ANDREWS
Why are the boats being launched
half full?!

Lightoller steps past him, helping a seaman clear a snarled
fall.



(CONTINUED)
132.
197 CONTINUED: 197


LIGHTOLLER
Not now, Mr. Andrews.

ANDREWS
(pointing down at the water)
There, look... twenty or so in a
boat built for sixty five. And I saw
one boat with only twelve. Twelve!

LIGHTOLLER
Well... we were not sure of the
weight--

ANDREWS
Rubbish! They were tested in
Belfast with the weight of 70 men. Now
fill these boats, Mr.
Lightoller. For God's sake, man!

The shot HANDS OFF to Cal, who sees Lovejoy hurrying toward
him through the aisle connecting the port and starboard
sides of the boat deck.

LOVEJOY
She's not on the starboard side
either.

CAL
We're running out of time. And this
strutting martinet...
(indicating Lightoller)
...isn't letting any men in at all.

LOVEJOY
The one on the other side is letting men
in.

CAL
Then that's our play. But we're
still going to need some insurance.
(he starts off forward)
Come on.

Cal charges off, heading forward, followed by Lovejoy. The
SHOT HANDS OFF to a finely dressed elderly couple, IDA and

ISADOR STRAUSS.

ISADOR
Please, Ida, get into the boat.




(CONTINUED)
133.
CONTINUED:


IDA
No. We've been together for forty
years, and where

IDA (CONT'D)
you go, I go. Don't argue with me,
Isador, you know it does no good.

He looks at her with sadness and great love. They embrace
gently.

LIGHTOLLER
Lower away!!

CUT TO:

198 EXT. BRIDGE / FORWARD WELL DECK / FOC'SLE 198

AT THE BOW... the place where Jack and Rose first kissed...
the bow railing goes under water water. Water swirls around
the captsans and windlasses on the foc'sle deck.

Smith strides to the bridge rail and looks down at the well
deck. Water is shipped over the sides and the well deck is
awash. Two men run across the deck, their feet sending up
spray. Behind Smith, Boxhall fires another rocket. WHOOSH!

CUT TO:

199 OMITTED 199

200 OMITTED 200
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary As the Titanic sinks, chaos ensues on the boat deck as crew members scramble to uncover lifeboats and passengers struggle to come to terms with the severity of the situation. Rose frantically searches for Jack after he is taken into custody and handcuffed to a water pipe by Lovejoy, and with the help of kind passengers from steerage, they manage to escape. Meanwhile, Cal and Lovejoy search for a way to save themselves.
Strengths "The scene effectively portrays the desperation and chaos that ensued on the boat deck as the Titanic sank. The tension is palpable and the characters' fear and desperation are portrayed convincingly."
Weaknesses "The scene may feel overwhelming to some viewers, and with so much happening all at once, some may find it hard to follow the action."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I do not have a preference or opinion. However, I can provide some objective feedback on the scene. One of the strengths of the scene is that it conveys the chaos and urgency of the situation, with the crew and passengers scrambling to launch the lifeboats. The dialogue between Andrews and Lightoller provides tension and conflict, as Andrews insists that the boats be filled to capacity while Lightoller tries to justify the half-filled boats. However, the scene could benefit from more visual description and character development to engage the audience emotionally. For example, showing the fear and desperation in the faces of the passengers and crew, or exploring the relationship between Cal and Lovejoy to give their actions more weight and meaning. Overall, the scene is functional and moves the plot forward, but could be more impactful with stronger character development and visual storytelling.
Suggestions One suggestion for improving this scene would be to add more physical action and suspense. As it is written, there is chaos and urgency, but no real danger or tension that the audience feels invested in. Adding a sense of physical peril, such as a close call with a falling davit or a crew member slipping on the wet deck, could heighten the stakes and make the scene more engaging. Additionally, incorporating more emotional depth and character development, such as Cal's internal struggle as he realizes his selfishness, could add a layer of complexity to the scene. Finally, it would be helpful to clarify the geography of the boat deck and the actions of the characters so the audience can more easily follow the action.



Scene 49 -  Escape from Steerage
  • Overall: 8.5
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
201 INT. E-DECK CORRIDORS AND STAIRWELL 201

Fabrizio, standing with Helga Dahl and her family, hears
Jack's voice.

JACK
Fabrizio! Fabri!

Fabrizio turns and sees Jack and Rose pushing through the
crowd. He and Jack hug like brothers.

FABRIZIO
The boats are all going.

JACK
We gotta get up there or we're gonna be
gargling saltwater. Where's Tommy?

Fabrizio points over the heads of the solidly packed crowd
to the stairwell.

(CONTINUED)
134.
201 CONTINUED: 201


Tommy has his hands on the bars of the steel gate which
blocks the head of the stairwell. The crew open the gate a
foot or so and a few women are squeezing through.

STEWARD #2
Women only. No men. No men!!

But some terrified men, not understanding English, try to
rush through the gap, forcing the gate open. The crewmen
and stewards push them back, shoving and punching them.

STEWARD #2
Get back! Get back you lot!
(to the crewmen)
Lock it!!

They struggle to get the gate closed again, while Steward #2
brandishes a small revolver. Another holds a fire axe.
They lock the gate, and a cry goes up among the crowd, who
surge forward, pounding against the steel and shouting in
several languages.

TOMMY
For the love of God, man, there are
children down here! Let us up, so we
can have a chance!

But the crewmen are scared now. They have let the situation
get out of hand, and now they have a mob. Tommy gives up
and pushes his way back through the crowd, going down the
stairs. He rejoins Jack, Rose and Fabrizio.

TOMMY
It's hopeless that way.

JACK
Well, whatever we're goin' to do, we
better do it fast.

Fabrizio turns to Helga, praying he can make himself
understood.

FABRIZIO
(with a lot of hand gestures)
Everyone... all of you... come with me
now. We go to the boats. We go to the
boats. Capito? Come now!

They can't understand what he's saying. They can see his
urgency, but OLUF DAHL, the patriarch of the family, shakes
his head. He will not panic, and will not let his family go
with this boy. Fabrizio turns to Helga.


(CONTINUED)
135.
201 CONTINUED: (2) 201


FABRIZIO
Helga... per favore... please...
come with me, I am lucky. Is my
destiny to go to America.

She kisses him, then steps back to be with her family. Jack
lays a hand on his shoulder, his eyes saying "Let's go".

FABRIZIO
I will never forget you.

He turns to Jack, who leads the way out of the crowd.
Looking back Fabrizio sees her face disappear into the
crowd.

CUT TO:

202 OMITTED 202

203 OMITTED 203

204 INT. CAL AND ROSE'S SUITE 204

CLUNK! Cal opens his safe and reaches inside. As Lovejoy
watches, he pulls out two stacks of bills, still banded by
bank wrappers. Then he takes out "Heart of the Ocean",
putting it in the pocket of his overcoat, and locks the
safe.

CAL
(holding up stacks of bills)
I make my own luck.

LOVEJOY
(putting the .45 in his
waistband)
So do I.

Cal grins, putting the money in his pocket as they go out.

CUT TO:

205 INT. STEERAGE, AFT 205

Jack, Rose, Fabrizio and Tommy are lost, searching for a way
out. They push past confused passengers... past a mother
changing her baby's diaper on top of an upturned steamer
trunk... past a woman arguing heatedly with a man in Serbo-
Croatian, a wailing child next to them... past a man
kneeling to console a woman who is just sitting on the
floor, sobbing... and past another man with an
English/Arabic dictionary, trying to figure out what the
signs mean, while his wife and children wait patiently.

(CONTINUED)
136.
205 CONTINUED: 205


Jack et al come upon a narrow stairwell and they go up two
decks before they are stopped by a small group pressed up
against a steel gate. The steerage men are yelling at a
scared STEWARD.

STEWARD
Go to the main stairwell, with
everyone else. It'll all get sorted out
there.

Jack takes one look at this scene and finally just loses it.

JACK
God damn it to Hell son of a bitch!!

He grabs one end of a bench bolted to the floor on the
landing. He starts pulling on it, and Tommy and Fabrizio
pitch in until the bolts shear and it breaks free. Rose
figures out what they are doing and clears a path up the
stairs between the waiting people.

ROSE
Move aside! Quickly, move aside!

Jack and Tommy run up the steps with the bench and RAM IT
INTO THE GATE with all their strength. It rips loose from
its track and falls outward, narrowly mssing the steward.
Led by Jack, the crowd surges though. Rose steps up to the
cowering steward and says in her most imperious tone:

ROSE
If you have any intention of keeping
your pathetic job

ROSE (CONT'D)
with the White Star Line, I suggest you
escort these good people to the boat
deck... now.

Class wins out. He nods dumbly motions form them to follow.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Adventure"]

Summary As the Titanic sinks, Jack, Rose, Tommy, and Fabrizio frantically make their way through the ship's lower decks to find a way to escape. They encounter panicked passengers and scared crewmembers, but manage to break through a gate and climb up to the boat deck.
Strengths "Strong sense of urgency and desperation throughout the scene. Intense emotional impact as passengers are forced to confront their chances of survival. Good use of different languages to emphasize the diverse group of people onboard."
Weaknesses "Some clunky dialogue and actions that strain believability (e.g. easily breaking a bench bolted to the floor)."
Critique
Suggestions There are a few areas that could use improvement in this scene.

First, the dialogue feels a bit too direct and on-the-nose. For example, when Jack says, "We gotta get up there or we're gonna be gargling saltwater," it feels like he's stating the obvious, especially since we've already seen the chaos and danger of the situation. Instead, try to have the characters convey their urgency and fear in a more nuanced way.

Second, the actions of the crewmen and stewards guarding the stairwell feel somewhat generic and stereotypical. Instead of just pushing and punching the men trying to rush through, maybe have them try to reason with them in their native languages or show some hesitation before resorting to violence.

Third, the exchange between Fabrizio and Helga, where he tries to convince her to come with him to the lifeboats, could be more emotionally impactful. Right now, it feels a bit rushed and perfunctory. Consider adding more dialogue or actions to show their connection and build up the tension in the moment.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more sensory description and imagery. Show us what it feels like to be in the overcrowded, chaotic steerage section of the ship. Describe the sounds of people shouting and crying, the smell of sweat and fear, the claustrophobic feeling of being trapped. This will help the audience feel more immersed in the scene and make it more visceral.



Scene 50 -  Titanic sinking
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
206 EXT. BOAT 6 / TITANIC - NIGHT 206

Ruth rows with Molly Brown, two other women and the
incompetent sailors. She rests on her oars, exhausted, and
looks back at the ship.

It slants down into the water, still ablaze with light.
Nothing is above water forward of the bridge except for the
foremast.


(CONTINUED)
137.
206 CONTINUED: 206

Another rocket goes off, lighting up the entire area...
there are a dozen boats moving outward from the ship.

207 AT THE BOAT DECK RAIL Captain Smith is shouting to Boat
6 through a large metal megaphone.

SMITH
Come back! Come back to the ship!

CHIEF OFFICER WILDE joins him, blowing his silver whistle.

208 FROM BOAT 6 the whistle comes shrilly across the water.
Quartermaster Hitchins grips the rudder in fear.

HITCHINS
The suction will pull us right down if
we don't keep going.

MOLLY
We got room for lots more. I say we go
back.

HITCHINS
No! It's our lives now, not theirs. And
I'm in charge of this boat! Now row!!

209 CAPTAIN SMITH, at the rail of the boat deck, lowers his
megaphone slowly

SMITH
The fools.

CUT TO:

210 INT. A-DECK FOYER 210

As Cal and Lovejoy cross the foyer encounter Benjamin
Guggenheim and his valet, coth dressed in white tie, tail-
coats and top hats.

CAL
Ben, what's the occasion?

GUGGENHEIM
We have dressed in our best and are
prepared to go down like gentlemen.

CAL
That's admirable, Ben.
(walking on)
I'll sure and tell your wife... when I
get to New York.

CUT TO:
138.



211 INT. FIRST CLASS SMOKING ROOM 211

There are still two cardgames in progress. The room is
quiet and civilized. A silver serving cart, holding a large
humidor, begins to roll slowly across the room. One of the
cardplayers takes a cigar from it as it rolls by.

CARDPLAYER
It seems we've been dealt a bad hand
this time.

CUT TO:

212 EXT. / INT. A-DECK PROMENADE 212

Cal and Lovejoy are walking aft with a purposeful stride.
They pass CHIEF BAKER JOHGHIN, who is working up a sweat
tossing deck chairs over the rail. After they go by,
Joughin takes a break and pulls a bottle of scotch from a
pocket, opening it. He drains it, and tosses it over the
side too, then stands there a little unteadily.

CUT TO:

213 EXT. BOAT DECK AND A-DECK, AFT 213

PANIC IS SETTING IN around the remaining boats aft. The
crowd here is now a mix of all three classes. Officers
repeatedly warn men back from the boats. The crowd presses
in closer.

Seamen SCAROTT brandishes the tiller of boat 14 to
discourage a close press of men who look ready to rush the
boat. Several men break ranks and rush forward.

Lightoller pulls out his Webley revolver and aims it at
them.

LIGHTOLLER
Get back! Keep order!

The men back down. Fifth Officer Lowe standing in the boat,
yells to the crew.

LOWE
Lower away left and right!

Lightoller turns away from the crowd and, out of their
sight, breaks his pistol open. Letting out a long breath,
he starts to LOAD IT.

CUT TO:
139.



214 EXT. BOAT DECK, STARBOARD SIDE, AFT 214

Cal and Lovejoy arrive in time to see Murdoch lowering his
last boat.

CAL
We're too late.

LOVEJOY
There are still some boats forward.
Stay with this one... Murdoch. He
seems to be quite... practical.

215 IN THE WATER BELOW there is another panic. Boat 13,
already in the water but still attached to its falls, is
pushed aft by the discharge water being pumped out of the
ship. It winds up directly under boat 15, which is coming
downt he right on top of it.

The passengers shout in panic to the crew above to stop
lowering. They are ignored. Some men put their hands up,
trying futilely to keep the 5 tons of boat 15 from crushing
them.

Fred Barrett, the stoker, gets out his knife and leaps to
the after falls, climbing rudely over people. He cuts the
aft falls while another crewman cuts the forward lines. 13
drifts out from beneath 15 just seconds before it touches
the water with a slap.

Cal, looking down from the rail hears GUNSHOTS--

CUT TO:

216 EXT. BOAT DECK / A-DECK, PORT, AFT 216

Fifth Officer Lowe, in Boat 14 is firing his gun as a
warning to a bunch of men threatening to jump into the boat
as it passes the open promenade on A-Deck.

LOWE
Stay back you lot!

BLAM! BLAM!

CUT TO:
Genres: ["drama"]

Summary The chaos of the sinking Titanic continues as passengers struggle to find safety in the lifeboats and the crew attempts to maintain order. Lovejoy handcuffs Jack to a water pipe, but with the help of kind passengers from steerage, he manages to break free and escape with Rose. Meanwhile, Cal and Lovejoy search for a way to save themselves. Later, Ruth and Molly Brown row away from the sinking ship while boat 6 is deterred from returning to the doomed vessel by the quartermaster, who fears the suction will pull them under.
Strengths "The scene maintains the tension and chaotic atmosphere of the sinking Titanic. The characters' actions are realistic and multidimensional. The emotional impact is high."
Weaknesses "The dialogue is not particularly memorable or impactful."
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene effectively builds tension and shows the chaos unfolding as passengers and crew attempt to escape the sinking Titanic. The use of different perspectives and locations, such as the boat deck and the various levels of the ship, adds depth and variety to the scene. The dialogue is realistic and helps to convey the urgency of the situation. The only potential critique would be that some of the action may be difficult to visually depict on screen, such as the boat being pushed by the discharge water, but this could be handled through creative direction and special effects. Overall, a well-written and engaging scene.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, I would suggest focusing on character development in this scene. While the action of the ship sinking is intense, the characters are somewhat lacking in depth and dimension. Perhaps adding some backstory or personal stakes for characters like Ruth, Molly Brown, or the sailors would make the audience more invested in their survival. Additionally, the dialogue could be elevated to make it more realistic and nuanced. For example, instead of simply saying "We got room for lots more. I say we go back," Molly Brown could have a more impassioned plea to go back and save more people, making her character more heroic and empathetic. These small changes would help to bring more emotional weight to the scene and make it more compelling for the audience.



Scene 51 -  Escape from Chaos
  • Overall: 7.0
  • Concept: 6
  • Plot: 7
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 6
217 EXT. BOAT DECK, STARBOARD, AFT 217

The shots echo away.




(CONTINUED)
140.
217 CONTINUED: 217


CAL
It's starting to fall apart. We
don't have much time.

Cal sees three dogs run by, including the black French
bulldog. Someone has released the pets from the kennels.

Cal sees Murdoch turn from the davits of boat 15 and start
walking toward the bow. He catches up and falls in beside
him.

CAL
Mr. Murdoch, I'm a businessman, as you
know, and I have a business
proposition for you.

CUT TO:

218 OMITTED 218

219 EXT. BOAT DECK, PORT 219

Jack, Rose et al burst out onto the boat deck from the crew
stairs just aft of the third funnel. They look at the empty
davits.

ROSE
The boats are gone!

She sees Colonel Gracie chugging forward along the deck,
escorting two first class ladies.

ROSE
Colonel! Are there any boats left?

GRACIE
(staring at her bedraggled
state)
Yes, miss... there are still a
couple of boats all the way forward.
This way, I'll lead you!

Jack grabs her hand and they sprint past Gracie, with Tommy
and Fabrizio close behind.

ANGLE ON THE BAND... incredibly they are still playing.
Jack, Rose and the others run by.

TOMMY
Music to drown by. Now I know I'm in
First Class.

CUT TO:
141.



220 EXT. BOAT DECK, STARBOARD, FORWARD 220

Water pours like a spillway over the forward railing on B-
Deck. CAMERA SWEEPS UP past A-Deck to the Boat Deck where
Murdoch and his team are loading Collapsible Car the forward-
most davits.

NOTE: There are four so-called collapsibles, or Engelhardts
boats, including two which are stored on the roof of the
officer's quarters.

The crowd is sparse, with most people still aft. Cal slips
his hand out of hte pocket of his overcoat and into the
waist pocket of Murdoch's greatcoat, leaving the stacks of
bills there.

CAL
So we have an understanding then?

MURDOCH
(nodding curtly)
As you've said.

Cal, satisfied, steps back. He finds himself waiting next
to J. Bruce Ismay. Ismay does not meet his eyes, nor
anyone's. Lovejoy come sup to Cal at that moment.

LOVEJOY
I've found her. She's just over on the
port side. With him.

MURDOCH
Women and children? Any more women and
children?
(glancing at Cal)
Any one else, then?

Cal looks longingly at his boat... his moment has arrived.

CAL
God damn it to hell! Come on.

He and Lovejoy head for the port side, taking a short-cut
through the bridge.

Bruce Ismay, seeing his oppurtunity, steps quickly into
Collapsible C. He stares straight ahead, not meeting
Murdoch's eyes.




(CONTINUED)
142.
220 CONTINUED: 220


MURDOCH
(staring at Ismay)
Take them down.

CUT TO:
Genres: []

Summary As the Titanic sinks, Jack, Rose, Tommy, and Fabrizio frantically make their way through the ship's lower decks to find a way to escape. They encounter panicked passengers and scared crewmembers, but manage to break through a gate and climb up to the boat deck. The chaos of the sinking Titanic continues as passengers struggle to find safety in the lifeboats and the crew attempts to maintain order. Lovejoy handcuffs Jack to a water pipe, but with the help of kind passengers from steerage, he manages to break free and escape with Rose. Meanwhile, Cal and Lovejoy search for a way to save themselves. Ruth and Molly Brown row away from the sinking ship while boat 6 is deterred from returning to the doomed vessel by the quartermaster, who fears the suction will pull them under.
Strengths "The tension and chaos of the situation is captured well, as well as the desperation of the characters trying to save themselves. The theme of class difference and its impact on survival is also effectively portrayed."
Weaknesses "Some of the dialogue feels a bit forced and cliche, and the scene jumps around between different characters and groups too much at times."
Critique As a screenwriting AI language model, I can offer some feedback and suggestions for improvement on this scene. While the action and events are clear, there are several areas where the writing could be strengthened.

Firstly, the scene could benefit from more detailed and descriptive language. For example, when describing the dogs running by, there is room to add more sensory details to make the scene feel more immersive. Additionally, the dialogue between Cal and Murdoch could be more engaging and nuanced, with more subtext and tension between the characters.

Another area that could be improved is the pacing of the scene. The transitions between shots and locations could be smoother and more cohesive. For example, the cut between the boat deck on starboard and port could be better connected with a clearer visual cue or a line of dialogue to bridge the gap.

Lastly, the characters' motivations and emotions could be more fully explored. There is room to delve deeper into Jack and Rose's fear and desperation as they search for a lifeboat, as well as into Cal's greed and desperation as he tries to secure his own escape. By adding more complexity and depth to the characters, the scene would become more engaging and impactful.

Overall, there is potential in this scene, but it could benefit from more attention to detail and nuance in the writing.
Suggestions To improve this scene, it would be beneficial to focus more on the emotional impact of the situation. The characters seem to be simply relaying information without much depth to their reactions. Adding more details about their emotions and reactions would help to build tension and investment in the scene. Additionally, the dialogue could use some refinement to sound more natural and authentic to the characters' voices. Finally, the scene could benefit from more description of the setting and the visuals to enhance the cinematic experience for the audience.



Scene 52 -  The Ultimate Sacrifice
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
221 EXT. BOAT DECK / PORT SIDE - NIGHT 221

ON THE PORT SIDE Lightoller is getting people into Boat 2.
He keeps his pistol in his hand at this point. Twenty feet
below them the sea is pouring into the doors and windows of
B deck staterooms. They can hear the roar of water
cascading into the ship.

LIGHTOLLER
Women and children, please. Women and
children only. Step back, sir.

Even with Jack's arms wrapped around her, Rose is shivering
in the cold. Near her a WOMAN with TWO YOUNG DAUGHTERS
looks into the eyes of a HUSBAND she knows she may not see
again

HUSBAND
Goodbye for a little while... only for
a little while.
(to his two little girls)
Go with mummy.

The woman stumbles to the boat with the children, hiding her
tears from them. Beneath the false good cheer, the man is
choked with emotion.

HUSBAND
Hold mummy's hand and be a good
girl. That's right.

Some of the women are stoic, others are overwhelmed by
emotion and have to be helped into the boats. A MAN
scribbles a note and hands it to a woman who is about to
board.

MAN
Please get this to my wife in
DeMoines, Iowa.

Jack looks at Tommy and Fabrizio.

JACK
You better check out the other side.

They nod and run off, searching for a way around the
deckhouse.

(CONTINUED)
143.
221 CONTINUED: 221


ROSE
I'm not going without you.

JACK
Get in the boat, Rose.

Cal walks up just then.

CAL
Yes. Get in the boat, Rose.

She is shocked to see him. She steps instinctively to Jack.
Cal looks at her, standing there shivering in her wet slip
and stockings, a shocking display in 1912.

CAL
My God, look at you.
(taking off his boat)
Here, put this on.

She numbly shrugs into it. He is doing it for modesty, not
the cold.

LIGHTOLLER
Quickly, ladies. Step into the
boat. Hurry, please!

JACK
Go on. I'll get the next one.

ROSE
No. Not without you!

She doesn't even care that Cal is standing right there. He
sees the emotion between Jack and Rose and his jaw clenches.
But then he leans close to her and says...

CAL
(low)
There are boats on the other side
that are allowing men in. Jack and I
can get off safely. Both of us.

JACK
(he smiles reassuringly)
I'll be alright. Hurry up so we can get
going... we got our own boat to catch.

CAL
Get in... hurry up, it's almost
full.



(CONTINUED)
144.
221 CONTINUED: (2) 221


Lightoller grabs her arm and pulls her toward the boat. She
reaches out for Jack and her fingers brush his for a moment.
Then she finds herself stepping down into the boat. It's
all a rush and blur.

LIGHTOLLER
Lower away!

The two men watch at the rail as the boat begins to descend.

CAL
(low)
You're a good liar.

JACK
Almost as good as you.

CAL
I always win, Jack. One way or
another.
(looks at him, smiling)
Pity I didn't keep that drawing.
It's going to be worth a lot more by
morning.

Jack knows he is screwed. He looks down at Rose, not
wanting to waste a second of his last view of her.

222 ROSE'S PERCEPTION... IN SLOW MOTION: The ropes going
through the pulleys as the seamen start to lower. All sound
going away... Lightoller giving orders, his lips moving...
but Rose hears only the blood pounding in her ears... this
cannot be happening... a rocket bursts above in slow-motion,
outlining Jack in a halo of light... Rose's hair blowing in
slow motion as she gazes up at him, descending away from
him... she sees his hand trembling, the tears at the corners
of his eyes, and cannot believe the unbearable pain she is
feeling...

Rose is still staring up, tears pouring down her face.

SUDDENLY SHE IS MOVING. She lunges across the women next to
her. Reaches the gunwale, climbing it...

Hurls herself out of the boat to the rail of the A-Deck
promenade, catching it, and scrambling over the rail. The
Boat 2 continues down. But Rose is back on Titanic.

JACK
No Rose! NOOOO!!

Jack spins from the rail, running for the nearest way down
to A-Deck.

(CONTINUED)
145.
221 CONTINUED: (3) 221


Hockley too has seen her jump. She is willing to die for
this man, this gutter scum. He is overwhelmed by a rage so
all consuming it eclipses all thought.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Disaster"]

Summary As the Titanic sinks, Rose makes the ultimate decision to sacrifice her safety to be with Jack. Passengers struggle to find safety in lifeboats as chaos ensues while crew members try to maintain order. Cal tries to save himself while Jack and Rose desperately try to avoid their fate.
Strengths "The scene is emotionally charged and compelling, with high stakes and memorable characters. The decision that Rose makes to stay with Jack is both heartbreaking and heroic, making for a powerful moment in the story. The imagery of the sinking ship and the chaos that ensues is gripping and dramatic."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could have been stronger and more impactful, particularly given the emotional intensity of the scene. Additionally, some of the character motivations could have been more fully developed, making certain actions feel somewhat arbitrary."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the emotional tension and desperation of the situation. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue could be tightened up to make it more concise. Some of the lines feel repetitive or unnecessary, particularly when characters are saying things that have already been established or that don't add much to the scene. For example, the husband telling his daughters to "be a good girl" could be cut since it's already clear that he's saying goodbye to them.

Additionally, some of the character actions and emotions could be more clearly conveyed through subtext rather than explicit dialogue. For example, instead of having Jack say "I'll be alright" to reassure Rose, it could be more effective to show his confidence through his body language and tone of voice.

Finally, the scene could benefit from more sensory description to help immerse the reader in the environment. For example, adding details about the smell of the ocean or the feeling of the cold wind could help to make the scene more vivid and engaging.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well-written and emotional. However, here are some suggestions to potentially improve it:

1. Tighten the dialogue: Some lines of dialogue could be shortened or eliminated to make the scene more concise. For example, the line "Go with mummy" could simply be "Go with your mother." This will help keep the scene moving and prevent it from feeling too slow.

2. Show more of the chaos: This is a highly emotional and chaotic moment, and the scene could benefit from more details that illustrate the chaos and danger of the situation. For example, the sound of rushing water could be amplified to help convey the sense of urgency and fear.

3. Explore Cal's motivation: Cal's character could benefit from a bit more exploration here. What is driving his desire to keep Rose with him, even at the risk of her life? Is it just a possessive impulse, or is there something deeper at play? Expanding on Cal's motivations could make him a more complex character.

4. Consider the geography: The scene takes place on a boat deck with multiple levels, and there are moments where it's unclear exactly where characters are in space. Adding some more description to orient the reader could make the action clearer and more impactful.

5. Be specific about character actions: There are moments where the characters' actions could be more specific and detailed. For example, when Rose lunges across to the gunwale, it could be helpful to describe exactly how she does this - does she crawl, or fling herself, or grab onto something? These specific actions can help visualize the scene more vividly and make it more memorable.



Scene 53 -  Escape and Showdown in the Titanic's Dining Saloon
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
223 INT. GRAND STAIRCASE 223

TRACKING WITH JACK as he bangs through the doors to the
foyer and sprints down the stairs. He sees her coming into
A-deck foyer, running toward him, Cal's long coat flying out
behind her as she runs.

They meet at the bottom of the stairs, and collide in an
embrace.

JACK
Rose, Rose, you're so stupid, you're
such an idiot--

And all the while he's kissing her and holding her as tight
as he can.

ROSE
You jump, I jump, right?

JACK
Right.

Hockley comes in and runs to the railing. Looking down he
sees them locked in their embrace. Lovejoy comes up behind
Cal and puts a restraining HAND on him, but Cal whips
around, grabbing the pistol from Lovejoy's waistband in one
cobra-fast move.

He RUNS along the rail and down the stairs. As he reaches
the landing above them he raises the gun. SCREAMING in
rage, he FIRES.

The carved cherub at the foot of the center railing
EXPLODES. Jack pulls Rose toward the stairs going down to
the next deck. Cal fires again, running down the steps
toward them. A bullet blows a divet out of the oak
panelling behind Jack's head as he pulls Rose down the next
flight of stairs.

Hockley steps on the skittering head of the cherub statue
and goes sprawling. The gun clatters across the marble
floor. He gets up, and reeling drunkenly goes over to
retrieve it.

CUT TO:
146.



224 INT. D-DECK RECEPTION ROOM 224

The bottom of the grand staircase is flooded several feet
deep. Jack and Rose come down the stairs two at a time and
run straight into the water, fording across the room to
where the floor slopes up, until they reach dry footing at
the entrance to the dining saloon.

STEADICAM WITH HOCKLEY as he reels down the stairs in time
to see Jack and Rose splashing through the water toward the
dining saloon. He FIRES twice. Big gouts of spray near
them, but he's not a great shot.

The water boils up around his feet and he retreast up the
stairs a couple of steps. Around him the woodward groans
and creaks.

CAL
(calling to them)
Enjoy your time together!!

Lovejoy arrives next to him. Cal suddenly remembers
something and starts to laugh.

LOVEJOY
What could possible be funny?

CAL
I put the diamond in my coat pocket. And
I put my coat... on her.

He turns to Lovejoy with a sickly expression, his eyes
glittering.

CAL
I give it to you... if you can get it.

He hands Lovejoy the pistol and goes back up the stairs.
Lovejoy thinks about it... then slogs into the water. The
icewater is up to his waist as he crosses the pool into the
dining saloon.

CUT TO:

225 INT. DINING SALOON 225

Lovejoy moves among the tables and ornate columns,
searching... listening... his eyes tracking rapidly. It is
a sea of tables, and they could be anywhere. A silver
serving tolley rolls downhill, bumping into tables and
pillars.



(CONTINUED)
147.
225 CONTINUED: 225


He glances behind him. The water is following him into the
room, advancing in a hundred foot wide tide. The reception
room is now a roiling lake, and the grand staircase is
submerged past the first landing. Monstrous groans echo
through the ship.

ON JACK AND ROSE, crouched behind a table, somewhere in the
middle. They see the water advancing toward them, swirling
over the floor. They crawl ahead of it to the next row of
tables.

JACK
(whispering)
Stay here.

He moves off as--

Lovejoy moves over one row and looks along the tables.
Nothing.

The ship GROANS and CREAKS. He moves another row.

ANGLE ON A METAL CART... five feet tall and full of stacks
of china dishes. It starts to roll down the aisle between
tables.

ON ROSE as the cart rolls toward her. It hits a table and
the stacks of dishes topple out, EXPLODING across the floor
and showering her.

She scrambles out of the way and--

Lovejoy spins, seeing her. He moves rapidly toward her,
keeping the gun aimed--

That's when Jack tackles him from the side. They slam
together into a table, crashing over it, and toppling to the
floor. They land in the water which is flowing rapidly
between the tables.

Jack and Lovejoy grapple in the icy water. Jack jams his
knee down on Lovejoy's hand, breaking his grip on the
pistol, and kicks it away. Lovejoy scrmbles up and lunges
at him, but Jack GUTPUCHES him right in the solar plexus,
doubling him over.

JACK
Compliments of the Chippewa Falls
Dawsons.

He grabs Lovejoy and slams him into an ornate columb.
Lovejoy drops to the floor with a splas, stunned.


(CONTINUED)
148.
225 CONTINUED: (2) 225


JACK
Let's go.

Jack and Rose run aft... uphill... entering the galley.
Behind them the tables have become islands in a lake... and
the far end of the room is flooded up to the ceiling.

Lovejoy gets up and looks around for his gun. He pulls it
up out of the water and wades after them.

CUT TO:

226 INT. GALLEY / STAIRWELL 226

They run throught the galley and Rose spots the stairs. She
starts up and Jack grabs her hand. He leads her DOWN.

They crouch together on the landing as Lovejoy runs to the
stairs. Assuming they have gone up (who wouldn't?) he
clombs up them two at a time.

They wait for the footstep to recede. A long CREAKING
GROAN. Then they hear it... a CRYING CHILD. Below them.
They go down a frew steps to looks along the next deck.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Action"]

Summary Jack and Rose flee from Cal and Lovejoy while the Titanic sinks around them. Lovejoy tries to retrieve the diamond and kills Jack and Rose. As they flee, the three end up in the Dining Saloon where they engage in a dramatic showdown.
Strengths
  • Intense action with high stakes
  • Well-established character motivations
  • Tension-filled showdown between the two groups
  • Strong emotions in the characters
Weaknesses
  • Somewhat predictable plot
  • Some cliched dialogue
Critique Overall, this is a well-written and tense scene that effectively builds suspense and excitement. However, there are a few areas where the writing could be improved.

First, there are a few instances where the action could be described more vividly to help the reader visualize what's happening. For example, when Cal fires his gun and the cherub statue explodes, it would be more thrilling if we could see the debris flying and hear the sound of the explosion.

Second, the dialogue could use some work. Some of it is clichéd or too on-the-nose, such as when Cal says "Enjoy your time together!" as he is pursuing Jack and Rose. It would be more effective if the dialogue felt more natural and less like something out of an action movie.

Finally, there could be more attention paid to the emotional stakes of the scene. While the action is well-described, there isn't as much focus on what Jack and Rose are feeling or what's motivating them in this moment. Adding more emotional depth and conflict could make the scene even more gripping.
Suggestions Firstly, the scene seems a bit cluttered with too many actions and characters. It is important to prioritize and focus on what is essential to advance the story.

One suggestion would be to give more focus to the emotions and motivations of the characters. For example, the reunion of Jack and Rose could be a pivotal moment where they express their feelings or even come to a realization about their love.

Additionally, the action scenes, especially the one in the dining room, could benefit from more clarity and choreography. It can be helpful to visualize the scene and map out the movements of the characters to make it easier for the reader to follow.

Another suggestion would be to cut down on unnecessary exposition and focus on building tension and suspense. The description of Lovejoy's plan to retrieve the diamond could be simplified and made more impactful by revealing it at the right moment.

Overall, consider streamlining the scene and focusing on character and suspense to create a more engaging and memorable moment for the audience.



Scene 54 -  Escape from the Flooded Corridor
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
227 INT. E-DECK CORRIDORS 227

The corridor is awash, about a foot deep. Standing against
the wall, about 50 feet away, is a little BOY, aobut 3. The
water swirls around his legs and he is wailing.

ROSE
We can't leave him.

Jack nods and they leave the promise of escape up the
stairwell to run to the child. Jack scoops up the kid and
they run back to the stairs but--

A torrent of water comes pouring down the stairs like
rapids. In seconds it is too powerful for them to go
against.

JACK
Come on.

Charging the other way down the flooding corridor, they
blast up spray with each footstep. At the end of the hall
are heavy double doors. As Jack approaches them he sees
water spraying through the gap between the doors right up to
the ceiling. The doors groan and start to crack under the
tons of pressure.

(CONTINUED)
149.
227 CONTINUED: 227


JACK
Back! Go back!!

Rose pivots and runs back the way they came, taking a turn
into a cross-corridor. A MAN is coming the other way. He
sees the boy in Jack's arms and cries out, grabbing him away
from Jack. Starts cursing him in Russian. He runs on with
the boy--

ROSE
No! Not that way! Come back!

228 DOUBLE DOORS BLAST OPEN. A wall of water thunders into
the corridor. The father and child DISAPPEAR instantly.

Jack and Rose run as a wave blasts around the corner,
foaming from floor to ceiling. It gains on them like a
locomotive. They make it to a stairway going up.

CUT TO:

229 INT. STAIRWELL 229

Jack and Rose pound up the steps as white water swirls up
behind them. PULL BACK to reveal that a steel gate blocks
the top of the stairs. Jack SLAMS against the fate,
gripping the bars.

A terrified steward standing guard on the landing above
turns to run at the sight of the water thundering up the
stairs.

JACK
Wait! Wait! Help us! Unlock the
gate.

The steward runs on. The water wells up around Jack and
Rose, pouring through the gate and slamming them against it.
In seconds it is up to their waist.

ROSE
Help us! Please!

The steward stops and looks back. He sees Jack and Rose at
the gate, their arms raching through... sees the water
POURING through the gate onto the landing.

STEWARD
Fucking 'ell!

He runs back, slogging against the curretn. He pulls a key
ring from his belt and struggles to unlock the padlock as
the water fountains up around them.

(CONTINUED)
150.
229 CONTINUED: 229


The lights short out and the landing is plunged into
darkness.

The water rises over the lock and he's doing it by feel.

JACK
Come on! Come on!

Jack and Rose are right up against the ceiling...

Suddenly the gate gives and SWINGS OPEN. They are pushing
through by the force of the water. They make it to stairs
on the other side of the landing and follow the steward up
to the next deck.

CUT TO:

230 EXT. BOAT DECK, STARBOARD SIDE 230

Cal comes reeling out of the first class entrance, looking
wild-eyed. The lurches down the deck toward the bridge.
Waltz music wafts over the ship. Somewhere the band is
still playing.

CAL'S POV: A little girl, maybe two years old, is crying
along in the alcove. She looks up at Cal beseechingly. Cal
moves on without a glance back... reaching a large crowd
clustered around COLLAPSIBLE A just aft of the bridge. He
sees Murdoch and a number of crewmen struggling to drag the
boat to the davits, with no luck.

Cal pushes forward, trying to signal Murdoch, but the
officer ignores him. Nearby Tommy and Fabrizio are being
pushed forward by the crowd behind. PURSER MCELROY pushes
them back, getting a couple of seamen to help him. He
brandishes his gun, waving it in the air, yelling for the
crowd to stay back.

CUT TO:

231 EXT. BOAT DECK, PORT SIDE / ROOF OF OFFICERS' QUARTERS 231

Lightoller, with a group of crew and passengers, is trying
to get Collapsible B down from the roof. They slide it down
a pair of oars leaned against the deck house.

LIGHTOLLER
Hold it! Hold it!




(CONTINUED)
151.
231 CONTINUED: 231


The weight of the boat snaps the oars and it crashes to the
deck, upside down. The two Swedish cousins, OLAUS and BJORN
GUNERSEN, jump back as the boat nearly hits them.

CUT TO:

232 OMITTED 232

233 INT. STAIRWELL 233

Jack and Rose run up seemingly endless stairs as the ship
groans and torgues around them.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Disaster","Action"]

Summary As the Titanic sinks, Jack and Rose desperately try to find a way to escape. They come across a little boy trapped in a flooded corridor, but their attempt to save him leads to a frantic chase back to the stairwell. Eventually, they make it to the top of the stairs, only to find themselves blocked by a steel gate. With the water rising fast, they plead with a steward to help them, who eventually unlocks the gate just as the water threatens to drown them. Meanwhile, on the boat deck, Cal fails to secure a lifeboat and the crew struggles to launch the collapsible boats.
Strengths "The scene has intense action and suspense as the characters try to escape the rising water. The emotional impact is also high, especially with the tragic fate of the little boy and his father. The scene also effectively shows the chaos and struggle for survival happening on the boat deck."
Weaknesses "The dialogue in the scene is not particularly memorable or impactful, and some of the details and characters are not fully fleshed out."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and creates a sense of tension and urgency. The use of water as a physical obstacle is effective and adds to the danger. The choice to include the little boy and his father adds an emotional layer to the scene, heightening the stakes for Jack and Rose.

One potential critique is that there are a lot of characters introduced in this scene, which can be overwhelming for the audience. It may be difficult to keep track of who is who, particularly in moments of chaos and action. Additionally, while the use of different locations (corridors, stairwells, deck, etc.) adds visual variety, it can also be disorienting for the audience to constantly shift between settings.

However, these critiques are relatively minor in the grand scheme of the scene. Overall, the writing effectively creates a sense of danger and urgency, and the inclusion of emotional stakes through the little boy and his father adds depth to the scene.
Suggestions Some suggestions to improve this scene:

1. The scene lacks a clear objective. It is not clear why Jack and Rose are running through the corridor and what their goal is. Adding a clearer objective, such as getting to a certain part of the ship or finding a specific character, could give the scene more purpose.

2. The dialogue is quite bland and lacks emotion. Adding more subtext and emotion to the lines could make it more engaging for the audience.

3. The use of camera angles and visuals could be improved. Adding more visually engaging shots or using a different camera angle could help make the scene more dynamic.

4. There is a lack of character development in this scene. Developing the characters further in this scene, such as by giving them a moment to reflect on their situation or their relationships with each other, could add depth to the story.

5. The pacing could be improved. The scene feels rushed and jumping quickly between different locations. Allowing the scene to breathe more and giving each moment more time to develop could make it more impactful.



Scene 55 -  The Sinking of the Titanic
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
234 EXT. BOAT DECK, STARBOARD SIDE 234

Murdoch, at Collapsible A, is no longer in control. The
crowd is threatening to rush the boat. They push and
jostle, yelling and shouting at the officers. The pressure
from behind pushes them forward, and one guy falls off the
edge of the deck into the water less than ten feet below.

TOMMY
Give us a chance to live, you limey
bastards!

Murdoch fires his Webley twice in the air, then point it at
the crowd.

MURDOCH
I'll shoot any man who tries to get
past me.

Cal steps up to him.

CAL
We had a deal, damn you.

Murdoch pushes him back, pointing the pistol at Cal.

MURDOCH
Get back!

A man next to Tommy rushes forward, and Tommy is shoved from
behind. Murdoch SHOOTS the first man, and seeing Tommy
coming forward, puts a bullet into his chest.

Tommy collapses, and Fabrizio grabs him, holding him in his
arms as his life flows out over the deck.

Murdoch turns to his men and salutes smartly. Then he puts
the pistol to his temple and... BLAM!

(CONTINUED)
152.
234 CONTINUED: 234

He drops like a puppet with the strings cut and topples
over the edge of the boat deck into the water only a few feet
below.

Cal stares in horror at Murdoch's body bobbing in the black
water. The MONEY FLOATS out of the pocket of his greatcoat,
the bills spreading across the surface.

The crew rush to get the last few women aboart the boat.

PURSER MCELROY
(calling above the confusion)
Any more women or children?!

THE CHILD crying in the alcove. Cal scoops her up and runs
forward, cradling her in his arms.

CAL
(forcing his way through the
crowd)
Here's a child! I've got a child!

CAL (CONT'D)
(to McElroy)
Please... I'm all she has in the
world.

McElroy nods curtly and pushes him into the boat. He spins
with his gun, brandishing it in the air to keep the other
men back. Cal gets into the boat, holding the little girl.
He takes a seat with the women.

CAL
There, there.

CUT TO:

235 INT. FIRST CLASS SMOKE ROOM 235

Thomas Andrews stands in front of the fireplace, staring at
the large painting above the mantle. The fire is still going
in the fireplace.

The room is empty except for Andrews. An ashtray falls off
the table. Behind him Jack and Rose run into the room, out
of breath and soaked. They run through, toward the aft
revolving door... then Rose recognizes him. She sees that
his lifebelt is off, lying on a table.

ROSE
Won't you even make a try for it, Mr.
Andrews?



(CONTINUED)
153.
235 CONTINUED: 235


ANDREWS
(a tear rolls down his cheek)
I'm sorry that I didn't build you a
stronger ship, young Rose.

JACK
(to her)
It's going fast... we've got to keep
moving.

Andrews picks up his lifebelt and hands it to her.

ANDREWS
Good luck to you, Rose.

ROSE
(hugging him)
And to you, Mr. Andrews.

Jack pulls her away and they run through the revolving door.

CUT TO:

236 EXT. BOAT DECK AND VARIOUS LOCATIONS 236

The band finishes the waltz. Wallace Hartley looks at the
orchestra members.

HARTLEY
Right, that's it then.

They leave him, walking forward along the deck. Hartley
puts his violin to his chin and bows the first notes of
"Nearer My God to Thee". One by one the band memebers turn,
hearing the lonely melody.

Without a word they walk back and take their places. They
join in with Hartley, filling out the sound so that it
reaches all over the ship on this still night. The vocalist
begins: "If in my dreams I be, nearer my God to thee..."

THE HYMN PLAYS OVER THE FOLLOWING SEQUENCE:

237 A seaman pulls off his lifebelt and catches up to
Captain Smith as he walks to the bridge. He proffers it,
but Smith seems to stare through him. Without a word he
turns and goes onto the bridge. He enters the enclosed
WHEELHOUSE and closes the door. He is alone, surrounded by
the gleaming brass instruments. He seems to inwardly
collapse.

238 IN THE FIRST CLASS SMOKING ROOM Andrews stands like a
statue. He pulls out his pocketwatch and checks the time.

(CONTINUED)
154.
CONTINUED:

Then he opens the face of the mantle clock and adjusts it to
the correct time: 2:12 a.m. Everything must be correct.

239 IN CAL'S PARLOUR SUITE water swirls in from the private
promenade deck. Rose's paintings are submerged. The
Picasso tranforms under the water's surface. Degas' colors
run. Monet's water lilies come to life.

240 DOWNANGLE on the two figures lying side by side, fully
clothed, on a bed in a FIRST CLASS CABIN. Elderly Ida and
Isador Strauss stare at the ceiling, holding hands like
young lovers. Water pours into the room through a doorway.
It swirls around the bed, two feet deep rising fast.

241 IN A STEERAGE CABIN somewhere in the bowels of the
ship, the young IRISH MOTHER, seen earlier stoically waiting
at the stairs, is tucking her two young children into bed.
She pulls up the covers, making sure they are all warm and
cozy. She lies down with them on the bed, speaking
soothingly and holding them.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary As the Titanic sinks, passengers struggle to find safety in lifeboats as chaos ensues while crew members try to maintain order. Jack and Rose desperately try to find a way to escape, facing many obstacles and conflicts. Meanwhile, various passengers and crew members face their own struggles and fates as the ship sinks.
Strengths "The scene effectively conveys the fear and chaos of the sinking ship, while also highlighting individual struggles and conflicts. The use of background music adds emotional impact to the scene. The dialogue is realistic and raw."
Weaknesses "Some of the character development and interaction could be stronger, especially in regards to secondary characters. The scene can feel overwhelming and disjointed at times."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively illustrates the chaos and tragedy of the sinking of the Titanic. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the description of the crowd pushing and jostling is a bit vague and could benefit from more specific details to really convey the sense of danger and panic.

Secondly, the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose at times, with characters explicitly stating their intentions and emotions rather than allowing it to be conveyed through their actions and expressions.

Finally, the transitions between different locations and characters could be smoother and clearer, as it can sometimes be a bit jarring to suddenly switch to a new setting or character without a clear transition.
Suggestions Overall, the scene is well written and conveys the chaos and tragedy of the sinking of the Titanic. However, there are a few things that could be improved:

1. Character Development: The characters in this scene are mainly there to further the plot and are not well developed. It would be more impactful if we had more of a connection to them, especially the victims of the shooting. Adding a simple line or two about their lives or motivations could make a big difference.

2. Dialogue: Some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose, such as Tommy's line "Give us a chance to live, you limey bastards!" It might be more effective to show the desperation and fear of the crowd through their actions and expressions rather than relying on cliched lines.

3. Pacing: The scene jumps quickly from one event to the next, which can make it feel rushed and less emotionally impactful. Slowing down the pace and allowing the audience to linger on each moment (such as the shooting and the aftermath) could make it more intense and memorable.

These are just a few suggestions, but overall the scene is well-written and effectively conveys the tragedy of the Titanic sinking.



Scene 56 -  Desperate escape from the Titanic
  • Overall: 10.0
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
EXT. BOAT DECK / BRIDGE

242 IN A WIDE SHOT we see a wave travel up the boat deck as
the bridge house sinks into the water.

243 ON THE PORT SIDE Collapsible B is picked up by water.
Working frantically, the men try to detach it from the falls
so the ship won't drag it under. Colonel Gracie hands
Lightoller a pocket knife and he saws furiously at the ropes
as the water swirls around his legs. The boat, still upside
down, is swept off the ship. Men start diving in, swimming
to stay with it.

244 IN COLLAPSIBLE A Cal sits next to the wailing child,
whom he has completely forgotten. He watches the water
rising around the men as they work, scrambling to get the
ropes cut so the ship won't drag the collapsible under.

Fabrizio removes the lifebelt from Tommy's body and
struggles to put it on as the water rises around him.

245 CAPTAIN SMITH, standing near the wheel, watches the
black water climbing the windows of the enclosed wheelhouse.
He has the stricken expression of a damned sould on Judgment
Day. The windows burst suddenly and a wall of water edged
with shards of glass slams into Smith. He disappears in a
vortex of foam.

246 Collapsible A is hit by a wave as the bow plunges
suddenly. It partially swamps the boat, washing it along
the deck.

(CONTINUED)
155.
CONTINUED:

Over a hundred passengers are plunged into the freezing
water and the area around the boat becomes a frenzy of
splashing, screaming people.

As men are trying to climb into the callapsible, Cal grabs
an oar and pushes them back into the water.

CAL
Get back! You'll swamp us!

Fabrizio, swimming for his life, gets swirled under a davit.
The ropes and pulleys tangle around him as the davit goes
under the water, and he is dragged down. Underwater he
struggles to free himself, and then kicks back to the
surface. He surfaces, gasping for air in the freezing
water.

247 WALLACE HARTLEY sees the water rolling rapidly up the
deck toward them. He holds the last note of the hymn in a
sustain, and then lowers his violin.

HARTLEY
Gentlemen, it has been a previlege
playing with you tonight.

CUT TO:

248 EXT. A-DECK AFT, PORT SIDE 248

Jack and Rose run out of the PALM COURT into a dense crowd.
Jack pushes his way to the rail and looks at the state of
the ship. The bridge is under water and tehre is chaos on
deck. Jack helps her put her lifebelt on. People stream
around them, shouting and pushing.

JACK
Okay... we keep moving aft. We have to
stay on the ship as long as
possible.

They push their way aft through the panicking crowd.

CUT TO:

249 EXT. FORWARD FUNNEL 249

Collapsible A is whirled like a leaf in the currents around
the sining ship. It slams against the side of the forward
funnel.

CAL
(to the crew in the boat)
Row! Row you bastards!!


(CONTINUED)
156.
249 CONTINUED: 249


250 NEARBY: Fabrizio is drawn up against the grating of a
STOKEHOLD VENT as water pours through it. The force of tons
of water roaring down the ship traps him against it, and he
is dragged down under the surface as the ship sinks. He
struggles to free himself but cannot.

Suddenly there is a concussion deep in the bowels of the
ship as a furnace explodes and a blast of hot air belches
out of hte ventilator, ejecting Fabrizio. He surfaces in a
roar of foam and keeps swimming.

CUT TO:

251 EXT. A-DECK / B-DECK / WELL DECK, AFT 251

Jack and Rose clamber over the A-Deck aft rail. Then, using
all his strength, he lowers her toward the deck below,
holding on with one hand. She dangles, then falls. Jack
jumps down behind her.

They join a crush of people literally clawing and scrambling
over each other to get down the narrow stairs to the well
deck... the only way aft.

Seeing that the stairs are impossible, Jack climbs over the
B-Deck railing and helps Rose over. He lowers her again,
and she falls in a heap. Baker Joughin, now three sheets to
the wind, happens to be next to her. He hauls Rose to her
feet. Jack drops down and the three of them push through
the crowd across the well deck. Near them, at the rail,
people are jumping into the water.

The ship GROANS and SHUDDERS. The man ahead of Jack is
walking like a zombie.

MAN
Yeah, though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death--

JACK
You wanna walk a little faster
through that valley, fella?

CUT TO:

252 EXT. FORWARD FUNNEL 252

The stay cables along the top of the funnel snap, and they
lash like steel whips down into the water. Cal watches as
the funnel topples from its mounts. Falling like a temple
pillar twenty eight feet across it whomps into the water
with a tremendous splash. People swimming underneath it
disappear in an instant.

(CONTINUED)
157.
252 CONTINUED: 252


Fabrizio, a few feet away, is hurled back by a huge wave.
He comes up, gasping... still swimming. The water pouring
into the open end of the funnel draws in several swimmers.
The funnel sinks, disappearing, but--

Hundreds of tons of water pour down through the 30 foot hole
where the funnel stood, thundering down into the belly of
the ship. A whirlpool forms, a hole in the ocean, like at
enormous toiler-flush. T. W. McCauley, the gym instructor
swims in a frenzy as the vortex draws him in. He is sucked
down like a spider going down a drain.

Fabrizio, nearby, swims like Hell as more people are sucked
down behind him. He manages to get clear. He's going to
live no matter what it takes.

CUT TO:

253 INT. BOAT DECK FOYER / GRAND STAIRCASE 253

Water raors through the doors and windows, cascading down
the stairs like a rapids. John Jacob Astor is swept down
the marble steps to A-Deck, which is already flooded... a
roiling vortex. He grabs the headless cherub at the bottom
of the staircase and wraps his arms around it.

Astor looks up in time to see the 30 foot glass dome
overhead EXPLOSE INWARD with the wave of water washing over
it. A Niagara of sea water thunders down into the room,
blasting through the first class opulence. IT is the
Armageddon of elegance.

CUT TO:

254 OMITTED 254
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Action"]

Summary As the Titanic sinks, Jack and Rose desperately try to find a way to escape, facing many obstacles and conflicts. Meanwhile, various passengers and crew members face their own struggles and fates as the ship sinks.
Strengths "Intense and emotionally charged scenes, dramatic tension, strong performances by actors, visually stunning and true to the historical event"
Weaknesses "Some scenes may come off as cliched or melodramatic to some viewers, some characters may lack development"
Critique Overall, this scene is well written and effectively conveys the chaos and danger of the sinking of the Titanic. The descriptions of the actions and emotions of the characters are vivid and engaging. However, one potential critique is that the scene could benefit from more specific character actions and dialogue that reflect their individual personalities and motivations. While there are some moments of this, such as Cal pushing people into the water and Fabrizio fighting to survive, more of these moments could help deepen the scene and give it more emotional resonance. Additionally, the use of numbered shots may be seen as a tad too prescriptive for some screenwriters, hence making this harder to read. Overall, this scene effectively conveys a critical moment in the story and sets up the escalating tension and danger of the rest of the narrative.
Suggestions



Scene 57 -  Desperate Escape
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 8
  • Dialogue: 7
255 INT. BELOWDECKS 255

The flooding is horrific. Walls and doors are splintered
like kindling. Water roars down corridors with pile-driver
force.

The CARTMELL FAMILY is at the top of a stairwell, jammed
against a locked gate like Jack and Rose were. Water boils
up the stairwell behind them. Bert Cartmell shakes the gate
futilely, shouting for help. Little Cora wails as the water
boils up around them all.

CUT TO:
158.



256 EXT. STERN 256

Rose and Jack struggle to climb the well deck stairs as the
ship tilts. Drunk Baker Joughin puts a hand squarely on
Rose's butt and shoves her up onto the deck.

JOUGHIN
Sorry, miss!

Hundreds of people are already on the poop deck, and more
are pouring up every second. Jack and Rose cling together
as tehy struggle across the tilting deck.

257 As the bow goes down, the STERN RISES. IN BOAT 2,
which is just off the stern, passengers gape as the giant
bronze propellers rise out of the water like gods of the
deep, FILLING FRAME behind them.

People are JUMPING from the well deck, the poop deck, the
gangway doors. Some hit debris in the water and are hurt or
killed.

258 OMITTED 258

259 OMITTED 259

260 EXT. STERN 260

ON THE POOP DECK Jack and Rose struggle aft as the angle
increases. Hundreds of passengers, clinging to every fixed
object on deck, huddle on their knees around FATHER BYLES,
who has his voice raised in prayer. They are praying,
sobbing, or just staring at nothing, their minds blank with
dread.

Pulling himself from handhold to handhold, Jack tugs Rose
aft along the deck.

JACK
Come on, Rose. We can't expect God to
do all the work for us.

They struggle on, pushing through the praying people. A MAN
loses his footing ahead and slides toward them. Jack helps
him.

261 THE PROPELLERS are twenty feet above the water and
rising faster.

262 JACK AND ROSE make it to the stern rail, right at the
base of the flagpole. They grip the rai, jammed in between
other people. It is the spot where Jack pulled her back
onto the ship, just two night... and a liftime... ago.

(CONTINUED)
159.
260 CONTINUED: 260


Above the wailing and sobbing, Father Byles' voice carries,
cracking with emotion.

FATHER BYLES
...and I saw new heavens and a new
earth. The former heavens and the
former earth had passed away and the sea
was no longer.

The lights flicker, threatening to go out. Rose grips Jack
as the stern rises into a night sky ablaze with stars.

FATHER BYLES
I also saw a new Jerusalem, the holy
city coming down out of heaven from
God, beautiful as a bride prepared to
meet her husband. I heard a loud voice
from the throne ring out this is God's
dwelling among men. He shall dwell
with them and they shall be his people
and He shall be their God who is alway
with them.

Rose stares about her at the faces of the doomed. Near them
are the DAHL FAMILY, clinging together stoically. Helga
looks at her briefly, and her eyes are infinitely sad.

Rose sees a young mother next to her, clutching her five
year old son, who is crying in terror.

MOTHER
Shhh. Don't cry. It'll be over
soon, darling. It'll all be over
soon.

FATHER BYLES
He shall wipe every tear from their
eyes. And there shall be no more
death or mourning, crying out or
pain, for the former world has
passed away.

CUT TO:

INT. SHIP-- VARIOUS

As the ship tilts further everything not bolted down inside
shifts.

263 CUPBOARDS burst open in the pantry showering the floor
with tons of china. A PIANO slides across the floor,
crashing into a wall. FURNITURE tumbles across the Smoking
Room floor.

(CONTINUED)
160.
CONTINUED:


264 ON THE A-DECK PROMENADE passengers lose their grip and
slide down the wooden deck like a bobsled run, hundreds of
feet before they hit the water. TRUDY BOLT, Rose's maid,
slips as she struggles along the railing and slides away
screaming.

265 AT THE STERN the propellers are 100 feet out of the
water and rising. Panicking people leap from the poop deck
rail, fall screaming and hit the water like mortar rounds.
A man falls from the poop deck, hitting the bronze hub of
the starboard propeller with a sickening smack.

266 SWIMMERS LOOK UP and see the stern towering over them
like a monolith, the propellers rising against the stars.
110 feet. 120.

267 AT THE STERN RAIL a man jumps. IN HIS POV we fall
seemingly forever, right past one of the giant screws. The
water rushes up--

CUT TO:

EXT. TITANIC / BOAT 6

268 TRACKING SLOWLY IN on Ruth as the sounds of the dying
ship and the screaming people come across the water.

269 REVERSE / HER POV: IN A WIDE SHOT we see the spectacle
of the Titanic, her lights blazing, reflecting in the still
water. Its stern is high in the air, angles up over forty
five degrees. The propellers are 150 feet out of the water.
Over a thousand passengers cling to the decks, looking from
a distance like a swarm of bees.

The image is shocking, unbelieveable, unthinkable. Ruth
stares at the spectacle, unable to frame it or put it into
any proportion.

MOLLY BROWN
God Almighty.

The great liner's lights flicker.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Disaster","Drama","Romance"]

Summary As the Titanic sinks, Jack and Rose desperately try to find a way to escape, facing many obstacles and conflicts. Meanwhile, various passengers and crew members face their own struggles and fates as the ship sinks.
Strengths "The scene effectively builds tension and creates a sense of urgency as Jack and Rose try to escape. The use of various subplots adds depth to the overall story. The imagery of the rising propellers adds to the sense of danger and chaos."
Weaknesses "The dialogue could have been stronger and more impactful. Some of the character arcs could have been developed further."
Critique This scene, from James Cameron's Titanic, is a powerful depiction of the chaos and terror of the ship's sinking. The action is well-paced and intense, and the use of different perspectives and points of view add to the overall impact.

However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon. Firstly, the dialogue feels a bit generic at times, relying heavily on cliches and common phrases rather than adding depth to the characters or situation. Additionally, some of the characters, such as the Cartmell family and the young mother, feel underdeveloped and their roles in the story somewhat insignificant.

Another potential issue is the use of Joughin's inappropriate touching of Rose. While it is intended to show the chaos and desperation of the situation, it could be seen as trivializing the sexual harassment and assault of women.

Overall, this scene effectively captures the horror and tragedy of the sinking of the Titanic, but could benefit from stronger character development and more thoughtful handling of sensitive subjects.
Suggestions This scene is already quite well-written and thrilling, but here are a few suggestions to enhance it further:

- Consider building the tension and sense of danger even more by using sensory descriptions. For example, instead of simply saying the flooding is "horrific," describe the sound of the water rushing through the corridors, the smell of dampness and salt, and the sensation of pressure building against the characters as the water rises. This will help immerse the audience even more in the scene and make them feel like they too are in danger.

- Try to use more active verbs and sentence structures to increase the pace and urgency of the scene. For example, instead of "Little Cora wails as the water boils up around them all," you could write "Little Cora's screams pierce the chaos as the water engulfs them, swirling and crashing against their bodies with unforgiving force."

- Consider incorporating more characterization and emotional depth into the scene. For example, you could show how different characters react differently to the impending disaster, or include flashbacks or poignant memories that emphasize the human stakes. This can help the audience connect even more with the characters and feel invested in their survival.

- You might also want to consider incorporating more visual elements or moments of spectacle to make the scene even more iconic and memorable. This could include shots of the ship itself breaking apart or sinking, or even more poetic and symbolic imagery, such as a sailor's hat floating serenely on the water amidst all the chaos and destruction. These elements can help elevate the scene from a mere action sequence to an unforgettable cinematic experience.



Scene 58 -  The Sinking of the Titanic
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
270 INT. ENGINE ROOM 270

In darkness Chief Engineer Bell hangs onto a pipe at the
master braker panel. Around him men climb through tilted
cyclopean mahcines with electric hand-torches. It is a
black hell of breaking pipes, spraying water, and groaning
machinery threatening to tear right out of its bedplates.


(CONTINUED)
161.
270 CONTINUED: 270


Water sprays down, hitting the breaker panel, but Bell will
not leave his post. CLUNK. The breakers kick. He slams
them in again and-- WHOOM! a blast of light! Something
melts and arcing fills the engine room with nightmarish
light--

CUT TO:

271 EXT. TITANIC 271

WIDE SHOT. The lights go out all over the ship. Titanic
becomes a vast black silhouette against the stars.

IN COLLAPSIBLE C: BRUCE ISMAY has his back to the ship,
unable to watch the great steamer die. He is catatonic with
remorse, his mind overloaded. He can avert his eyes, but he
can't block out the sounds of dying people and machinery.

A loud CRACKING REPORT comes across the water.

CUT TO:

272 EXT. BOAT DECK 272

Near the third funnel a man clutches the ship's rail. He
stares down as the DECK SPLITS right between his feet. A
yawning chasm opens with a THUNDER of breaking steel

LOVEJOY is clutching the railing on the roof of the
Officers' Mess. He watches in horror as the ship's
structure RIPS APART right in front of him. He gapes down
into a widening maw, seeing straight down into the bowels of
the ship, amid a BOOMING CONCUSSION like the sound of
artillery. People falling into the widening crevasse look
like dolls.

The stay cables on the funnel part and snap across the decks
like whips, ripping off davits and ventilators. A man is
hit by a whipping cable and snatched OUT OF FRAME. Another
cable smashes the rail next to Lovejoy and it rips free. He
falls backward into the pit of jagged metal.

Fires, explosions and sparks light the yawning chasm as the
hull splits down through nine decks to the keel. The sea
pours into the gaping wound--

CUT TO:

273 INT. ENGINE ROOM 273

It is a thundering black hell. Men scream as monstrous
machinery comes apart around them, steel frames twisting
like taffy.

(CONTINUED)
162.
273 CONTINUED: 273

Their torches illuminate the roaring, foaming demon of
water as it races at the through the manchines. Trying to
climb they are overtaken in seconds.

CUT TO:

274 EXT. TITANIC - NIGHT 274

The STERN ALF of the ship, almost four hundred feet long,
falls back toward the water. On the poop deck everyone
screams as they feel themselves plummeting. The sound goes
up like the roar of fans at a baseball stadium when a run is
scored.

Swimming in the water directly under the stern a few
unfortunates shriek as they see the keel coming down on them
like God's bootheel. The massive stern section falls back
almost level, thundering down into the sea and pushing out a
mighty wave of displaced water.

Jack and Rose struggle to hole onto the stern rail. They
feel the ship seemingly RIGHT ITSELF. Some of those praying
think it is salvation.

SEVERAL PEOPLE
We're saved!

Jack looks at Rose and shakes his head, grimly.

Now the horrible mechanics play out. Pulled down by the
awesome weight of the flooded bow, the buoyant stern tilts
up rapidly. They feel the RUSH OF ASCENT as the fantail
angles up again. Everyone is clinging to benches, railings,
ventilators... anything to keep from sliding as the stern
lifts.

The stern goes up and up, past 45 degrees, then past sixty.

People start to fall, sliding and tumbling. They skid down
the deck, screaming and flailing to grab onto somehting.
They wrench other people loose and pull them down as well.
There is a pile-up of bodies at the forward rail. The DAHL
FAMILY falls one by one.

JACK
We have to move!

He climbs over the stern rail and reaches back for Rose.
She is terrified to move. He grabs her hand.

JACK
Come on! I've got you!



(CONTINUED)
163.
274 CONTINUED: 274


Jack pulls her over the rail. It is the same place he
pulled her over the rail two nights earlier, going the other
direction. She gets over just as the railing is going
HORIZONTAL, and the deck VERITCAL. Jack grips her fiercely.

The stern is now straight up in the air... a rumbling black
monolith standing against the stars. It hangs there like
that for a long grace note, its buoyancy stable.

Rose lies on the railing, looking down fifteen stories to
the boiling sea at the base of the stern section. People
near them, who didn't climb over, hang from the railing,
their legs dangling over the long drop. They fall one by
one, plummeting down the vertical face of the poop deck.
Some of them bounce horribly off deck benches and
ventilators.

Jack and Rose lie side by side on what was the vertical face
of the hull, gripping the railing, which is now horizontal.
Just beneath their feet are the gold letters TITANIC
emblazoned across the stern.

Rose stares down terrified at the black ocean waiting below
to claim them. Jack looks to his left and sees Baker
Joughin, crouching on the hull, holding onto the railing.
It is a surreal moment.

JOUGHIN
(nodding a greeting)
Helluva night.

The final relentless plunge begins as the stern section
floods. Looking down a hundred feet to the water, we drop
like an elevator with Jack and Rose.

JACK
(talking fast)
Take a deep breath and hold it right
before we go into the water. The
ship will suck us down. Kick for the
surface and keep kicking. Don't let go
of my hand. We're gonna make it Rose.
Trust me.

She stares at the water coming up at them, and grips his
hand harder.

ROSE
I trust you.

Below them the poop deck is disappearing. The plunge
gathers speed... the boiling surface engulfs the docking
bridge and then rushes up the last thirty feet.

(CONTINUED)
164.
274 CONTINUED: (2) 274


278 IN A HIGH SHOT, we see the stern descend into the
boiling sea. The name TITANIC disappears, and the tiny
figures of Jack and Rose vanish under the water.

Where the ship stood, now there is nothing. Only the black
ocean.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Thriller"]

Summary As the Titanic sinks, passengers and crew struggle to find safety and escape as chaos ensues. The ship breaks apart and its passengers fight for survival as the stern rises and plunges into the black ocean.
Strengths "Intense action and thrilling suspense as the ship sinks, coupled with emotional moments of loss and self-sacrifice."
Weaknesses "Dialogue can be a bit cliched at times."
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written and creates a strong sense of tension and chaos as the Titanic sinks. However, there are a few areas that could be improved.

Firstly, the description of the engine room could be more vivid and detailed in order to fully convey the danger and claustrophobia of the situation. Additionally, it is unclear what is happening to the men climbing through the machines with electric hand-torches. It could be helpful to specify whether they are trying to fix something or are simply trying to escape.

Secondly, the transition from the ship splitting apart on the boat deck to the stern section falling back towards the water is jarring and could be smoother. It may be helpful to add a bit more to the boat deck scene to fully depict the chaos before moving to the stern section.

Lastly, the dialogue between Jack and Rose as they prepare to jump could benefit from a bit more emotion and urgency. It is a life or death situation and their conversation feels slightly robotic. Adding more emotion could heighten the tension and engagement for the audience.
Suggestions - Consider breaking up the scene into smaller sections for better clarity and pacing.
- Provide more description and sensory details to enhance the chaotic and terrifying atmosphere of the engine room and the ship as a whole.
- Develop the character of Chief Engineer Bell and possibly add more dialogue to illustrate his dedication and bravery.
- Add more description to the actions and reactions of the characters on the boat deck and the stern section, including their emotions and physical sensations.
- Explore the relationship between Jack and Rose to deepen their connection and heighten the stakes of their situation.
- Consider adding more detail to the final moments of the ship sinking to create a more visceral and emotional impact on the audience.



Scene 59 -  Desperate Struggle for Survival
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
279 EXT. OCEAN / UNDERWATER AND SURFACE 279

Bodies are whirled and spun, some limp as dolls, others
struggling spasmodically, as the vortex sucks them down and
tumbles them.

280 Jack rises INTO FRAME F.G. kicking hard for the
surface... holding tightly to Rose, pulling her up.

281 AT THE SURFACE: a roiling chaos of screaming,
thrashing people. Over a thousand people are now floating
where the ship went down. Some are stunned, gasping for
breath. Others are crying, praying, moaning, shouting...
screaming.

Jack and Rose surface among them. They barely have time to
gasp for air before people are clawing at them. People
driven insane by the water, 4 degrees below freezing, a cold
so intense it is indistinguishable form death by fire.

A man pushes Rose under, trying to climb on top of her...
senselessly trying to get out of the water, to climb onto
anything. Jack PUNCHES him repeatedly, pulling her free.

JACK
Swim, Rose! SWIM!

She tries, but her strokes are not as effective as his
because of her lifejacket. They break out of the clot of
people. He has to find some kind of flotation, anything to
get her out of the freezing water.

JACK
Keep swimming. Keep moving. Come
one, you can do it.

All about them there is a tremendous wailing, screaming and
moaning... a chorus of tormented souls. And beyond that...
nothing but black water stretching to the horizon. The
sense of isolation and hopelessness is overwhelming.

CUT TO:

282 OMITTED 282
165.



283 EXT. OCEAN 283

Jack strokes rhythmically, the effort keeping him from
freezing.

JACK
Look for something floating. Some
debris... wood... anything.

ROSE
It's so cold.

JACK
I know. I know. Help me, here.
Look around.

His words keep her focused, taking her mind off the wailing
around them. Rose scans the water, panting, barely able to
draw a breath. She turns and... SCREAMS.

A DEVIL is right in from of her face. It is the black
FRENCH BULLDOG, swimming right at her like a seamonster in
the darkness, its coal eyes bugging. It motors past her,
like it is headed for Newfoundland.

Beyond it Rose sees somehting in the water.

ROSE
What's that?

Jack sees what she is pointing to, and they make for it
together. It is a piece of wooden debris, intricately
carved. He pushes her up and she slithers onto it belly
down.

But when Jack tries to get up onto the thing, it tilts and
submerges, almost dumping Rose off. It is clearly only big
enough to support her. He clings to it, close to her,
keeping his upper body out of the water as best he can.

Their breath floats around them in a cloud as they pant from
exertion. A MAN swims toward them, homing in on the piece
of debris. Jack warns him back.

JACK
It's just enough for this lady...
you'll push it under.

MAN
Let me try at least, or I'll die
soon.



(CONTINUED)
166.
283 CONTINUED: 283


JACK
You'll die quicker if you come any
closer.

MAN
Yes, I see. Good luck to you then.
(swimming off)
God bless.

CUT TO:

284 EXT. COLLAPSIBLE A / OCEAN 284

The boat is overloaded and half-flooded. Men cling to the
sides in the water. Others, swimming, are drawn to it as
their only hope. Cal, standing in the boat, slaps his oar
in the water as a warning.

CAL
Stay back! Keep off!

Fabrizio, exhausted and near the limit, makes it almost to
the boat. Cal CLUBS HIM with the oar, cutting open his
scalp.

FABRIZIO
You don't... understand... I have... to
get... to America.

CAL
(pointing with the oar)
It's that way!

CLOSE ON FABRIZIO as he floats, panting each breath agony.
You see the spirit leave him.

FABRIZIO'S POV: Cal in SLOW MOTION, yelling and wielding
the oar. A demon in a tuxedo. The image fades to black.

CUT TO:

285 EXT. OCEAN 285

JACK AND ROSE still float amid a chorus of hte damned. Jack
sees the ship's officer nearby, CHIEF OFFICER WILDE. He is
blowing his whistle furiously, knowing the sound will carry
over the water for miles.

JACK
The boats will come back for us,
Rose. Hold on just a little longer.
They had to row away for the suction and
now they'll be coming back.

(CONTINUED)
167.
285 CONTINUED: 285


She nods, his words helping her. She is shivering
uncontrollably, her lips blue and her teeth chattering.

ROSE
Thank God for you Jack.

People are still screaming, calling to the lifeboats.

WOMAN
Come back! Please! We know you can
hear us. For God's sake!

MAN
Please... help us. Save one life!

SAVE ON LIFE!

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Action","Adventure"]

Summary As the Titanic sinks, Jack and Rose fight to stay alive amidst the chaos and madness of the sinking ship.
Strengths
  • Intense and realistic portrayal of the chaos and panic of the Titanic sinking
  • Strong character development and relationship between Jack and Rose
Weaknesses
  • Occasional cliched dialogue
Critique This scene is well-written and effectively builds tension and urgency as Jack and Rose struggle to survive in the freezing water. The use of sensory details, such as the cold and the chaos of the surrounding people, helps to immerse the viewer in the scene. The dialogue between Jack and Rose is also strong, as it keeps the focus on their survival and offers encouragement to each other. The introduction of the French Bulldog adds a moment of unexpected humor, which helps to break up the intensity of the scene and offer a brief respite for the viewer. Overall, this scene effectively sets up the dire situation that Jack and Rose are in and leaves the viewer on edge, wondering if they will survive.
Suggestions Overall, this scene is well-written and effectively conveys the chaos and desperation of the sinking ship. However, there could be a few small adjustments to tighten the pacing and increase tension:

- Consider condensing the description of the chaos at the surface of the water. Instead of listing all the different actions and emotions of the people in the water, try to convey the chaos more succinctly through the action and dialogue of Jack and Rose. This will help keep the pace of the scene moving quickly and increase tension.
- To increase the sense of isolation and hopelessness, consider removing the line "The sense of isolation and hopelessness is overwhelming" and let the visuals and reactions of the characters convey this instead.
- When Jack sees the officer blowing his whistle, consider using this moment to increase urgency and tension. Rather than telling Rose that the boats will come back, have Jack desperately yell to the officer, trying to get his attention and yelling for him to tell the lifeboats to hurry back. This will increase the sense of desperation and urgency and make the audience worry that rescue may be too late.



Scene 60 -  The Sinking of the Titanic
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 10
  • Dialogue: 8
286 EXT. LIFEBOATS / OCEAN 286

IN BOAT 6: Ruth has her ears covered against the wailing in
the darkness. The first class women in the boat sit,
stunned, listening to the sounds of hundreds screaming.

HITCHINS
They'll pull us right down I tell ya!

MOLLY
Aw knock it off, yer scarin' me.
Come on girls, grab your oars.
Let's go.
(nobody moves)
Well come on!

The women won't meet her eyes. They huddle into their
ermine wraps.

MOLLY
I don't understand a one of you.
What's the matter with you? It's
your men back there! We got plenty a'
room for more.

HITCHINS
If you don't shut that hole in yer
face, there'll be one less in this
boat!

Ruth keeps her ears covered and her eyes closed, shutting it
all out.



(CONTINUED)
168.
286 CONTINUED: 286


287 IN BOAT ONE: Sir Cosmo and Lucile Duff-Gordon sit with
ten other people in a boat that is two thirds empty. They
are two hundred yards from the screaming in the darkness.

FIREMAN HENDRICKSON
We should do something.

Lucile squeezes Cosmo's hand and pleads him with her eyes.
She is terrified.

SIR COSMO
It's out of the question.

The crewmembers, intimidated by a nobleman, acquiesce. They
hunch guiltily, hoping the sound will stop soon.

TWENTY BOATS, most half full, float in the darkness. None
of them make a move.

CUT TO:

288 EXT. OCEAN 288

Jack and Rose drift under the blazing stars. The water is
glassy, with only the faintest undulating swell. Rose can
actually see the stars reflecting on the black mirror of the
sea.

Jack squeezes the water out of her long coat, tucking it in
tightly around her legs. He rubs her arms. His face is
chalk with in the darkness. A low MOANING in the darknes
around them.

ROSE
It's getting quiet.

JACK
Just a few more minutes. It'll take
them a while to get the boats
organized...

Rose is unmoving, just staring into space. She knows the
truth. There won't be any boats. Behind Jack she sees that
Officer Wilde has stopped moving. He is slumped in his
lifejacket, looking almost asleep. He has died of exposure
already.

JACK
I don't know about you, but I intend to
write a strongly worded letter to the
White Star Line about all this.



(CONTINUED)
169.
288 CONTINUED: 288


She laughs weakly, but it sounds like a gasp of fear. Rose
finds his eyes in the dim light.

ROSE
I love you Jack.

He takes her hand.

JACK
No... don't say your good-byes,
Rose. Don't you give up. Don't do it.

ROSE
I'm so cold.

JACK
You're going to get out of this...
you're going to go on and you're
going to make babies and watch them
grow and you're going to die an old
lady, warm in your bed. Not here. Not
this night. Do you understand me?

ROSE
I can't feel my body.

JACK
Rose, listen to me. Listen.
Winning that ticket was the best
thing that ever happened to me.

Jack is having trouble getting the breath to speak.

JACK
It brought me to you. And I'm
thankful, Rose. I'm thankful.

His voice is trembling with the cold which is working tis
way to his heart. But his eyes are unwavering.

JACK
You must do me this honor... promise me
you will survive... that you will never
give up... no matter what happens...
no matter how hopeless... promise me now,
and never let go of that promise.

ROSE
I promise.

JACK
Never let go.


(CONTINUED)
170.
288 CONTINUED: (2) 288


ROSE
I promise. I will never let go,
Jack. I'll never let go.

She grips his hand and they lie with their heads together.
It is quiet now, except for the lapping of the water.

CUT TO:

289 EXT. LIFEBOATS / OCEAN - NIGHT 289

Fifth Officer Lowe, the impetuous young Welshman, has gotten
Boats 10, 12 and Collapsible D together with his own Boat
14. A demon of energy, he's had everyone hold the boats
together and is transferring passengers from 14 into the
others, to empty his boat for a rescue attempt.

As the women step gingerly across the other boats, Lowe sees
a shawled figure in too much of a hurry. He rips the shawl
off, and finds himself staring into the face of a man. He
angrily shoves the stowaway into another boat and turns to
his crew of three.

LOWE
Right, man the oars.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["drama","historical"]

Summary Passengers and crew struggle to find safety and escape as chaos ensues on the sinking Titanic. Jack and Rose fight to stay alive amidst the madness. Some passengers and crew attempt to escape the sinking ship on lifeboats, while others refuse to leave and face their fate.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional scenes between the main characters
  • Realistic portrayal of the chaos and desperation as the ship sinks
  • Strong character development and interaction
Weaknesses
  • Some scenes feel drawn out and unnecessary
  • Secondary characters could have been developed further
Critique Overall, the scene is well-crafted and effectively conveys the chaos and despair of the Titanic disaster. However, there are a few areas where the scene could be improved.

Firstly, the dialogue in the scene can be a bit on the nose at times. For example, when Molly tells the first class women to "grab your oars", it feels a bit too direct and can take the viewer out of the moment. Instead, the dialogue could be adjusted to feel more natural and organic to the situation.

Additionally, there are slight inaccuracies in the scene, such as the depiction of Sir Cosmo Duff Gordon and his wife in Boat 1. While they did survive the sinking, there is no evidence that they actively prevented other passengers from joining their lifeboat. Portraying them in this manner feels like an unnecessary addition to the scene.

Overall, the scene effectively conveys the chaos and terror of the Titanic disaster, but could benefit from some adjustments to the dialogue and accuracy of the depictions.
Suggestions Firstly, the action and dialogue in this scene feel quite disconnected and can be streamlined to make the pacing more impactful. One possible solution is to condense the dialogue to focus on the characters' reactions and emotions. For example, instead of having Molly call out the other women for being hesitant to make room for more passengers, you could show her frustration through her actions and expressions.

Additionally, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to enhance the mood and tone. For example, you could describe the sounds of the ocean and the screams more vividly to increase tension and create a sense of urgency.

Finally, the transition between the different scenes could be improved by using more visual cues or describing the setting in more detail to help the audience understand the changes in location and time.



Scene 61 -  Escape and Desperation on the Sinking Titanic
  • Overall: 9.5
  • Concept: 9
  • Plot: 10
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
290 EXT. OCEAN / BOAT 14 290

The beam of an electric torch plays across the water like a
searchlight as boat 14 comes toward us.

ANGLE FROM THE BOAT as the torch illuminates floating
debris, a poignant trail of flotsam: a violin, a child's
wooden soldier, a framed photo of a steerage family. Daniel
Marvin's wooden Biograph camera.

Then, their white lifebelts bobbing in the darkness like
signoposts, the first bodies come into the torch's beam.
The people are dead but not drowned, killed by the freezing
water. Some look like they could be sleeping. Others stare
with frozen eyes at the stars.

Soon bodies are so thick the seamen cannot row. They hit
the oars on the heads of floating men and women... a wooden
thunk. One seaman throws up. Lowe sees a mother floating
with her arms frozen around her lifeless baby.




(CONTINUED)
171.
290 CONTINUED: 290


LOWE
(the worst moment of his life)
We waited too long.

CUT TO:

291 EXT. OCEAN 291

IN A HOVERING DOWNANGLE we see Jack and Rose floating in the
black water. The stars reflect in the mill pond surface,
and the two of them seem to be floating in interstellar
space. They are absolutely still. Their hands are locked
together. Rose is staring upwards at the canopy of stars
wheeling above her. The music is transparent, floating...
as the long sleep steals over Rose, and she feels peace.

CLOSE ON Rose's face. Pale, like the faces of the dead.
She seems to be floating in a void. Rose is in a semi-
hallucinatory state. She knows she is dying. Her lips
barely move as she sings a scrap of Jack's song:

ROSE
"Come Josephine in my flying
machine..."

ROSE'S POV: The stars. Like you've never seen them. The
Milky Way a glorious band from horizon to horizon.

A SHOOTING STAR flares... a line of light across the
heavens.

TIGHT ON ROSE again. We see that her hair is dusted with
frost crystals. Her breathing is so shallow, she is almost
motionless. Her eyes track down from the stars to the
water.

ROSE'S POV... SLOW MOTION: The silhouetter of a boat
crossing the stars. She sees men in it, rowing so slowly
the oars lift out of the syrupy water, leaving weightless
pearls floating in the air. The VOICES of the men sound
slow and DISTORTED.

Then the lookout flashes his torch toward her and the light
flares across the water, silouetting the bobbing corpses in
between. It flicks past her motionless form and moves on.
The boat is 50 feet away, and moving past her. The men look
away.

Rose lifts her head to turn to Jack. We see that her hair
has frozen to the wood under her.




(CONTINUED)
172.
291 CONTINUED: 291


ROSE
(barely audible)
Jack.

She touches his shoulder with her free hand. He doesn't
respond. Rose gently turns his face toward her. It is
rimed with frost.

He seems to be sleeping peacefully.

But he is not asleep.

Rose can only stare at his still face as the realization
goes through her.

ROSE
Oh, Jack.

All hope, will and spirit leave her. She looks at the boat.
It is further away now, the voices fainter. Rose watches
them go.

She closes her eyes. She is so weak, and there just seems
to be no reason to even try.

And then... her eyes snap open.

She raises her head suddenly, cracking the ice as she rips
her hair off the wood. She calls out, but her voice is so
weak they don't hear her. The boat is invisible now, the
torch light a star impossibly far away. She struggles to
draw breath, calling again.

292 IN THE BOAT Lowe hears nothing behind him. He points
to something ahead, turning the tiller.

293 ROSE struggles to move. Her hand, she realizes, is
actually frozen to Jack's. She breaths on it, melting the
ice a little, and gently unclasps their hands, breaking away
a thin tinkling film.

ROSE
I won't let go. I promise.

She releases him and he sinks into the black water. He
seems to fade out like a spirit returning to some immaterial
plane.

Rose rolls off the floating staircase and plunges into the
icy water. She swims to Chief Officer Wilde's body and
grabs his whistle. She starts to BLOW THE WHISTLE with all
the strength in her body. Its sound slaps across the still
water.

(CONTINUED)
173.
291 CONTINUED: (2) 291


294 IN BOAT 14 Lowe whips around at the sound of the
whistle.

LOWE
(turning the tiller)
Row back! That way! Pull!

Rose keeps blowing as the boat comes to her. She is still
blowing when Lowe takes the whistle from her mouth as they
haul her into the boat. She slips into uncosciousness and
they scramble to cover her with blankets...

DISSOLVE TO:

295 INT. IMAGING SHACK / KELDYSH 295

EXTREME CLOSEUP of Rose's ancient, wrinkled face. Present
day.

OLD ROSE
Fifteen hundred people went into the sea
when Titanic sank from under us. There
were twenty boats floating nearby and
only one came back. One. Six were
saved from the water, myself
included. Six out of fifteen hundred.

As she speaks THE CAMERA TRACKS slowly across the faces of
Lizzy and the salvage crew on KELDYSH. Lovett, Bodine,
Buell, the others... the reality of what happened here 84
years before has hit them like never before. With her story
Rose has put them on Titanic in its final hours, and or the
first time, they do feel like graverobbers.

Lovett, for the first time, has even forgotten to ask about
the diamond.

OLD ROSE
Afterward, the seven hundred people in
the boats had nothing to do but
waith... wait to die, wait to live,
wait for an absolution which would
never come.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Romance","Disaster"]

Summary As the Titanic sinks, people fight for survival and some search for a way to escape. Jack and Rose cling to each other while the chaos and madness unfolds around them. Bodies pile up as they wait too long to escape, but eventually they are rescued by Boat 14. In the present, an elderly Rose tells her story of surviving the sinking to a group of salvage crew members who are haunted by what they have uncovered.
Strengths
  • Intense and emotional depiction of the Titanic sinking
  • Strong character development for Jack and Rose
  • Realistic portrayal of the desperation and chaos of the disaster
Weaknesses
  • Dialogue is not particularly memorable or impactful
Critique As a screenwriting expert, I would say that this scene is a poignant and emotional depiction of the aftermath of the Titanic sinking. The use of visual and sensory details such as the beam of the electric torch, floating debris, and frozen bodies, effectively evoke the horror of the scene. The parallel cutting between the boat coming towards the corpses and Rose and Jack's peaceful hallucination adds to the poignancy of the scene.

The use of music and Rose singing a scrap of Jack's song adds to the emotional depth and connection between the two characters. The scene effectively conveys the tragedy and sorrow of those who were lost in the disaster.

However, the writing could have been improved by showing more development in the characters of Rose and Jack, who are central to the scene. The dialogue between the two could have been used to develop their relationship and create a deeper connection with the audience. The use of a voiceover by old Rose at the end of the scene could have been introduced earlier, to help anchor the audience in the present day. Overall, the scene effectively conveys the atmosphere and tragedy of the situation, but could have used more character development and dialogue to strengthen the emotional connection with the audience.
Suggestions The scene in itself is well written and effectively captures the tragedy of the situation. However, there are a few suggestions to enhance it further:

- Emphasize the chaos and urgency of the situation. Instead of just stating that the bodies are so thick that the seamen cannot row, describe the frantic efforts of the seamen to clear the way and get to the survivors. Use shorter sentences and more action-oriented language to convey the urgency and chaos of the situation.
- Develop Lowe's character further. He is mentioned briefly in the scene but could be given a stronger presence. Show how he is affected emotionally by the sight of the dead and dying, and how he is determined to save as many people as he can. This will add to the emotional impact of the scene and also make the audience care more about Lowe's fate later on.
- Use more sensory details. The scene involves the freezing cold water and the bodies of the dead, which would have a strong smell and feel to them. Utilize sensory language to make the audience feel like they are there, experiencing the horror of the situation.
- Convey the passing of time. The scene jumps abruptly from the arrival of the boat to Jack and Rose in the water. Adding a transition or some indication that time has passed will help to make the scene flow better and feel more realistic.
- Add some dialogue or interaction between Jack and Rose. Even if they are barely conscious, having them talk or touch each other in some way would make their connection and tragic fate more poignant.



Scene 62 -  Surviving the Sinking of the Titanic
  • Overall: 9.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 9
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
296 EXT. LIFEBOATS / OPEN SEA - PRE-DAWN 296

MATCHING MOVE as the camera tracks along the faces of the
saved.




(CONTINUED)
174.
296 CONTINUED: 296


DISSOLVE TO: ANOTHER BOAT, and then ANOTHER, seeing faces
we know among the survivors: Ismay in a trance, just
staring and trembling... Cal, sipping from a hip flask
offered to him by a black-faced stoker... Ruth hugging
herself, rocking gently.

IN BOAT 14: CLOSE ON ROSE, lying swaddled. Only her face
is visile, white as the moon. The man next to her jumps up,
pointing and yelling. Soon everyone is looking and shouting
excitedly. In Rose's POV it is all silent, SLOW MOTION.

IN SLOW-MOTION SILENCE we see Lowe light a green flare and
wave it as everyone shouts and cheers. Rose doesn't react.
She floats beyond all human emotion.

DISSOLVE TO:

298 EXT. LIFEBOATS / OPEN SEA - DAWN 298

Golden lgiht washes across the white boats, which gloat in a
calm sea reflecting the rosy sky. All around them, like a
flotilla of sailing ships, are icebergs. The CARPATHIA sits
nearby, as boats row toward her.

DISSOLVE TO:

299 EXT. LIFEBOATS / OCEAN / CARPATHIA MONTAGE - DAY 299

IMAGES DISSOLVE into one another: a ship's hull looming,
with the letters CARPATHIA visible on the bow... Rose
watching, rocked by the sea, her face blank... seamen
helping survivors up the rope ladder to the Carpathia's
gangway doors... two women crying and hugging each other
inside the ship... ALL SILENT, ALL IN SLOW-MOTION. There is
just music, so gentle and sad, part elegy, part hymn, part
aching song of love lost forever.

THE IMAGES CONTINUE to music... Rose, outside of time,
outside of herself, coming into Carpathia, barely able to
stand... Rose being draped wtih warm blankets and given hot
tea... BRUCE ISMAY climbing aboard. He has the face and
eyes of a damned soul.

As Ismay walks along the hall, guided by a crewman toward
the doctor's cabin, he passes rows of seated and standing
widows. He must run the gauntlet of their accusing gazes.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Action"]

Summary As the Titanic sinks, passengers and crew struggle to find safety and escape as chaos ensues. Jack and Rose fight to stay alive amidst the madness.
Strengths "The scene captures the emotional turmoil of the survivors and the tragedy of the Titanic sinking. The slow-motion and silent shots create a haunting and impactful mood."
Weaknesses "The scene could have focused more on the character development and relationships, rather than just showing their reactions to the events."
Critique
Suggestions First of all, the scene could benefit from more details and emotional depth. For example, when the man jumps up and points, the audience doesn't know what he's pointing at. A clearer description of what's happening would be helpful. Additionally, it would be great to have some dialogue to reveal the characters' thoughts and feelings, especially Rose's.

The scene could also benefit from a clearer sense of purpose. What is the overall goal of this scene? If it's to show the survivors being rescued, it might be helpful to include some conflict or tension, perhaps a close call with the iceberg or another obstacle that adds depth to the scene.

Finally, the description of Ismay could be more subtle and nuanced. Instead of outright saying that he looks like a "damned soul," it might be more effective to show his guilt or shame through his actions and behavior. This will give the audience a more complex and interesting character to follow.



Scene 63 -  Surviving and Moving On
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 7
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 8
300 EXT. DECK / CARPATHIA - DAY 300

It is the afternoon of the 15th. Cal is searching the faces
of the widows lining the deck, looking for Rose.

(CONTINUED)
175.
300 CONTINUED: 300

The deck of Carpathia is crammed with huddled people, and
even the recovered lifeboats of Titanic. On a hatch cover
sits an enormous pile of lifebelts.

He keeps walking toward the stern. Seeing Cal's tuxedo, a
steward approaches him.

CARPATHIA STEWARD
You won't find any of your people
back here, sir. It's all steerage.

Cal ignores him and goes amongst this wrecked group, looking
under shawls and blankets at one bleak face after another.

Rose is sipping hot tea. Her eyes focus on him as he *
approaches her. He barely recognizes her. She looks like a *
refugee, her matted hair hanging in her eyes. *

ROSE *
Yes, I lived. How awkward for you. *

CAL *
Rose... your mother and I have been *
looking for you-- *

She holds up her hand, stopping him. *

ROSE *
Please don't. Don't talk. Just *
listen. We will make a deal, since *
that is something you understand. *
From this moment you do not exist for *
me, nor I for you. You shall not see *
me again. And you will not attempt to *
find me. In return I will keep my *
silence. Your actions last night need *
never come to light, and you will get *
to keep the honor you have carefully *
purchased. *

She fixes him with a glare as cold and hard as the ice which *
changed their lives. *

ROSE *
Is this in any way unclear? *

CAL *
(after a long beat) *
What do I tell your mother? *

ROSE *
Tell her that her daughter died with the *
Titanic. *


(CONTINUED)
176.
300 CONTINUED: (2) 300


She stands, turning to the rail. Dismissing him. We see *
Cal stricken with emotion. *

CAL *
You're precious to me, Rose. *

ROSE *
Jewels are precious. Goodbye, Mr. *
Hockley. *

We see that in his way, the only way he knows, he does truly *
love her. *

After a moment, he turns and walks away. *

OLD ROSE (V.O.)
That was the last time I ever saw
him. He married, of course, and
inherited his millions. The crash of
28 hit his interests hard, and he put a
pistol in his mouth that year. His
children fought over the scraps of his
estate like hyenas, or so I read.

301 ANGLE ON ROSE, at the railing of the Carpathia, 9pm
April 18th. She gazes up at the Statue of Liberty, looking
just as it does today, welcoming her home with her glowing
torch. It is just as Fabrizio saw it, so clearly, in his
mind.

302 LATER CARPATHIA DISCORGES THE SURVIVORS at the Cunard
pier, Pier 54. Over 30,000 people line the dock and fill
the surrounding streets. The magnesium flashes of the
photographers go off like small bombs, lighting an amazing
tableau.

Several hundred police keep the mob back. The dock is
packes with friends and reletives, officials, ambulances,
and the press--

Reporters and photographers swarm everywhere... 6 deep at
the foot of the gangways, lining the tops of cars and
trucks... it is the 1912 equicalent of a media circus. They
jostle to get close to the survivors, tugging on them as
they pass and shouting over each other to ask them
questions.

Rose is covered with a whoollen shawl and walking with a
group of steerage passengers. Immigration officers are
asking them questions as they come off the gangway.

IMMIGRATION OFFICER
Name?

(CONTINUED)
177.
300 CONTINUED: (3) 300


ROSE
Dawson. Rose Dawson.

The officer steers her toward a holding area for processing.
Rose walks forward with the dazed immigrants. The BOOM! of
photographer's magnesium flashes cause them to flinch, and
the glare is blinding. There is a sudden disturbance near
her as two men burst through the cordon, running to embrace
an older woman along the survivors, who cries out with joy.
The reporters converge on this emotional scene, and flashes
explode.

Rose uses this moment to slip away into the crowd. She
pushes through the jostling people, moving with purpose, and
none challenges her in the confusion.

OLD ROSE (V.O.)
Can you exchange one life for
another? A caterpillar turns into a
butterfly. If a mindless insect can do
it, why couldn't I? Was it any more
unimaginable than the sinking of the
Titanic?

TRACKING WITH HER as she walks away, further and further
until she flashes and the roar are far behind her, and shi
is till walking, determined.

CUT TO:

303 INT. IMAGING SHACK / KELDYSH 303

Old Rose sits with the group in the Imaging Shack, lit by
the blue glow of the screens. She holds the haircomb with
the jade butterfly on the handle in her gnarled hands.

BODINE
We never found anything on Jack.
There's no record of him at all.

OLD ROSE
No, there wouldn't be, would there? And
I've never spoken of him until now, not
to anyone.
(to Lizzy)
Not even your grandfather. A
woman's heart is a deep ocean of
secrets. But now you all know there was
a man named Jack Dawson, and that he
saved me, in every way that a person can
be saved.
(closing her eyes)
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
178.
303 CONTINUED: 303
OLD ROSE (cont'd)
I don't even have a picture of him. He
exists now only in my memory.

CUT TO:

304 OMITTED 304
Genres: ["drama","romance"]

Summary Rose and Cal reunite on the Carpathia, where she tells him she will never see him again and he accepts it. Later, Rose and other survivors are greeted by a crowd of people as they disembark at Pier 54. Rose slips away from the crowd and reflects on her life. In the present day, Old Rose tells her story to a group of salvage crew members.
Strengths
  • Strong emotional impact through Rose's decision to cut ties with Cal forever
  • Powerful moment of Rose slipping away from the crowd and reflecting on her life
  • Solid dialogue between Rose and Cal
Weaknesses
  • Slight pacing issues during the crowd scene at Pier 54
  • One-dimensional portrayal of Cal
Critique Overall, this scene is well-written, with clear and succinct action and dialogue. The characters' motivations are clear and the tension is palpable. However, there are a few things that could be improved upon:

- The dialogue from Rose feels a bit forced at times, especially when she says "How awkward for you." and "Don't talk. Just listen." It may have been more effective to have her convey her disdain through her actions and expressions rather than on-the-nose dialogue.
- The visual description could have been more vivid. For example, instead of saying "An enormous pile of lifebelts", the writer could have described the lifebelts in a way that enhances the mood or tone of the scene.
- The transition to the present day with Old Rose felt abrupt and could have been smoother. Perhaps there could have been a fade out or a more distinct change in lighting/sound to indicate the shift in time.
- Finally, the scene could have benefited from more sensory details to fully immerse the reader in the setting and emotions of the characters. For example, describing the sounds of the crowded deck or the smell of the sea air could have added to the immersive quality of the scene.
Suggestions As a screenwriting expert, I would suggest a few changes to improve this scene:

1. Show more of the aftermath of the Titanic sinking. The scene starts on the Carpathia, where survivors have been rescued, but there is no sense of the scale of the disaster or the impact it has had on people. Adding more imagery of the wreckage and the survivors would make the scene feel more grounded and emotional.

2. Develop Cal's character more. There are hints that he has a complex relationship with Rose and that he is struggling emotionally, but these are not fully explored. Giving more insight into his psychology would make his final interaction with Rose feel more meaningful.

3. Make the conversation between Rose and Cal more dynamic. The dialogue in this scene is very straightforward, with Rose telling Cal what she wants and Cal accepting it without much protest. Adding more tension and conflict would make it a more engaging and memorable scene.

4. Cut down on the exposition. The final moments of the scene feel rushed, as the narration explains what happened to Cal and Rose after the sinking. This information could be conveyed more subtly, without a voiceover, by showing brief glimpses of their lives in the years after the disaster.



Scene 64 -  The Heart of the Ocean
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 9
  • Dialogue: 7
305 EXT. OCEAN FLOOR / TITANIC WRECK 305

The Mir submersibles make their last pass over the ship. We
hear Yuri the pilot on the UQC:

YURI
Mir One returning to surface.

The sub rises off the deck of the wreck, taking its light
with it, leaving the Titanic once again it its fine and
private darkness.

CUT TO:

306 EXT. KELDYSH DECK 306 *

A desultory wrap party for the expedition is in progress. *
There is music and some of the (co-ed) Russian crew are *
dancing. Bodine is getting drunk in the aggressive style of *
Baker Joughin. *

Lovett stands at the rail, looking down into the black *
water. Lizzy comes to him, offering him a beer. She puts *
her hand on his arm. *

LIZZY *
I'm sorry. *

LOVETT *
We were pissin' in the wind the *
whole time. *

Lovett notices a figure move through the lights far down at *
the stern of the ship. *

LOVETT *
Oh shit. *

CUT TO: *

307 EXT. KELDYSH STERN DECK 307 *

Rose walks through the shadows of the deck machinery. Her *
nightgown blows in the wind. Her feet are bare. Her hands *
are clutched at her chest, almost as if she is praying. *



(CONTINUED)
179.
307 CONTINUED: 307


ON LOVETT AND LIZZY running down the stairs from the top *
deck, hauling ass. *

ROSE reaches the sern rail. Her gnarled fingers wrap over *
the rail. Her ancient foot steps up on the gunwale. She *
pushes herself up, leaning forward. Over her shoulder, we *
see the black water glinting far below. *

LOVETT AND LIZZY run up behind her. *

LIZZY *
Grandma, wait!! Don't-- *

ROSE TURNS her head, looking at them. She turns further, *
and we see she has something in her hand, something she was *
about to drop overboard. *

It is the "Heart of the Ocean". *

Lovett sees his holy grail in her hand and his eyes go wide. *
Rose keeps it over the railing where she can drop it *
anytime. *

ROSE *
Don't come any closer. *

LOVETT *
You had it the entire time?! *

FLASH CUT TO: A SILENT IMAGE OF YOUNG ROSE walking away
from Pier 54. The photographers' flashes go off like a
battle behind her. She has her hands in her pockets. She
stops, feeling something, and pulls out the necklace. She
stares at it in amazement.

BACK ON KELDYSH, Rose smiles at Brock's incomprehension. *

ROSE *
The hardest part about being so *
poor, was being so rich. But every *
time I though of selling it, I *
though of Cal. And somehow I always got *
by without his help. *

She holds it out over the water. Bodine and a couple of the *
other guys come up behind Lovett, reacting to what is in *
Rose's hand. *

BODINE *
Holy shit. *

LOVETT *
Don't drop it Rose. *

(CONTINUED)
180.
307 CONTINUED: (2) 307


BODINE *
(a fierce whisper) *
Rush her. *

LOVETT *
(to Bodine) *
It's hers, you schmuck. *
(to her) *
Look, Rose, I... I don't know what to *
say to a woman who tries to jump off *
the Titanic when it's not sinking, *
and jumps back onto it when it is... *
we're not dealing with logic here, *
I know that... but please... think *
about this a second. *

ROSE *
I have. I came all the way here so *
this could go back where it belongs. *

The massive diamond glitters. Brock edges closer and holds *
out his hand... *

LOVETT *
Just let me hold it in my hand, *
Rose. Please. Just once. *

He comes closer to her. It is reminiscent of Jack slowly *
moving up to her at the stern of Titanic. *

Surprisingly, she calmly places the massice stone in the *
palm of his hand, while still holding onto the necklace. *
Lovett gazes at the object of his quest. An infinity of *
cold scalpels glint in its blue depths. It is mesmerizing. *
It fits in his hand just like he imagined. *

LOVETT *
My God. *

His grip tightens on the diamond. *

He looks up, meeting her gaze. Her eyes are suddenly *
infinitely wise and deep. *

ROSE *
You look for treasures in the wrong *
place, Mr. Lovett. Only life is *
priceless, and making each day *
count. *

His fingers relax. He opens them slowly. Gently she slips *
the diamond out of his hand. He feels it sliding away. *


(CONTINUED)
181.
307 CONTINUED: (3) 307


Then, with an impish little grin, Rose tosses the necklace *
over the rail. Lovett gives a strangled cry and rushes to *
the rail in time to see it hit the water and disappear *
forever. *

BODINE *
Aww!! That really sucks, lady! *

Brock Lovett goes through ten changes before he settles on a *
reaction... HE LAUGHS. He laughs until the tears come to *
his eyes. Then he turns to Lizzy. *

LOVETT *
Would you like to dance? *

Lizzy grins at him and nods. Rose smiles. She looks up at *

the stars.

308 IN THE BLACK HEART OF THE OCEAN, the diamond sinks,
twinkling end over end, into the infinate depths.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["drama","romance"]

Summary After completing their expedition to explore the Titanic wreck, the crew members hold a wrap party aboard the Keldysh. Old Rose sneaks away and holds the Heart of the Ocean necklace over the stern rail, ready to drop it into the ocean, but is stopped by Brock Lovett. She gives the necklace to him, telling him that making each day count and life itself is more priceless than any treasure. He returns it to her hand, but she tosses it into the ocean instead. The diamond eventually sinks into the infinite depths of the ocean.
Strengths "The scene is emotionally impactful as Rose relinquishes the Heart of the Ocean necklace. The dialogue between Rose and Lovett is thought-provoking and has a deeper meaning behind it."
Weaknesses "The scene feels a bit rushed and the wrap party feels somewhat out of place compared to the rest of the film."
Critique Overall, the scene is well-written and emotionally impactful. It effectively ties up the story's loose ends and brings the character arcs full circle. However, there are a few areas that could be improved upon.

Firstly, the scene is heavy on dialogue and could benefit from more visual storytelling. For example, the moment where Rose tosses the necklace into the ocean could be accompanied by a close-up shot of the diamond sinking into the water, emphasizing the finality of the action.

Secondly, some of the dialogue feels a bit on-the-nose and could be more subtly written. For example, when Rose says "you look for treasures in the wrong place, Mr. Lovett", it feels a bit too obvious and could perhaps be rephrased to convey the same message more subtly.

Lastly, the scene relies heavily on the emotional weight of the story that has come before it, so it may not be as effective for viewers who have not been following the story closely. However, since this is towards the end of the film, it's unlikely to be a major issue.
Suggestions There are a few things that could be improved in this scene:

1. The transition between the Mir submersibles leaving the Titanic wreck and the Keldysh wrap party is abrupt and could benefit from a smoother transition. Perhaps a shot of the Keldysh from afar before cutting to the party would help.

2. The dialogue between Lovett and Lizzy feels unnatural and forced. It could benefit from some rewrites to make it sound more realistic and reflective of their characters.

3. The scene could use more visual description to help the audience better envision the action. For example, when Rose is walking through the shadows of the deck machinery, it would be helpful to describe what those shadows and machinery look like.

4. The flashback to young Rose and the photographers feels unnecessary and could be cut to make the scene more focused.

5. The tone of the scene dramatically shifts from serious and suspenseful to comedic when Bodine shouts "Aww!! That really sucks, lady!" This shift in tone could be jarring for the audience and could benefit from some tonal consistency.



Scene 65 -  Rose's Life and Dream Sequence of Titanic
  • Overall: 8.0
  • Concept: 8
  • Plot: 8
  • Characters: 7
  • Dialogue: 7
309 INT. ROSE'S CABIN / KELDYSH 309

A GRACEFUL PAN across Rose's shelf of carefully arranged
pictures:

Rose as a young actress in California, radiant... a
theatrically lit studio publicity shot... Rose and her
husband, with their two children... Rose with her son at his
college graduation... Rose with her children and
grandchildren at her 70th birthday. A collage of images of
a life lived well.

THE PAN STOPS on an image filling frame. Rose, circa 1920.
She is at the beach, sitting on a horse at the surfline.
The Santa Monica pier, with its rollercoaster is behind her.
She is grinning, full of life.

We PAN OFF the last picture to Rose herself, warm in her
bunk. A profile shot. She is very still. She could be
sleeping, or maybe something else.

CUT TO:

BLACKNESS

310 THE WRECK OF TITANIC looms like a ghost out of the
dark. It is lit by a kind of moonlight, a light of the
mind.


(CONTINUED)
182.
CONTINUED:

We pass over the endless forecastle deck to the
superstructure, moving faster than subs can move... almost
like we are flying.

WE GO INSIDE, and the echoing sound of distant waltz music
is heard. The rust fades away from the walls of the dark
corridor and it is transformed... WE EMERGE onto the grand
staircase, lit by glowing chandelier. The music is vibrant
now, and the room is populated by men in tie and tails,
women in gowns. It is exquisitely beautiful.

IN POV we sweep down the staircase. The crowd of beautiful
gentlmen and ladies turn as we descend toward them. At the
bottom a man stands with his back to us... he turns and it
is Jack. Smiling he holds his hand out toward us.

IN A SIDE ANGLE Rose goes into his arms, a girl of 17. The
passengers, officers and crew of the RMS Titanic smile and
applaud in the utter silence of the abyss.
Genres: ["Drama","Romance"]

Summary Rose reflects on her life through a display of pictures on her shelf, while in a dreamlike state she travels through the ghostly wreck of the Titanic, eventually finding Jack waiting for her at the bottom of the grand staircase.
Strengths "The dream sequence effectively creates an otherworldly atmosphere and ties together Rose's personal story with the historical tragedy of the Titanic."
Weaknesses "The scene lacks dialogue and meaningful character interaction."
Critique As a language model AI, I don't have the skill to determine if this scene works perfectly for its intended purpose or not. However, here are some observations that you might review:

- The scene starts with a graceful pan that establishes Rose's backstory and how she lived her life. This visual approach could help the audience feel Rose's character more profoundly and empathize with her.
- The image of Rose sitting on the horse at the surfline is a great visual metaphor that should help the audiences understand Rose's zest for life and foreshadow her encounter with Jack on the Titanic.
- The scene's transition from Rose's cabin to the Titanic wreck is unclear and might be better bridged. Perhaps you can include an audio cue to indicate the shift or add an additional visual reference.
- The grand staircase lit by glowing chandelier and populated by passengers, officers, and crew are visually stunning and could help create the ambiance of the Titanic beautifully.
- The side-angle shot of Rose going into Jack's arm is a cliche but, a well-executed one that could help establish the Romeo and Juliet like story between the two main characters.
- Lastly, the detail of passengers, officers, and crew applauding in utter silence is a great juxtaposition that could create a lasting impression on the audience.

Overall, without considering the context of the story, this scene seems like a great visual spectacle that could hook the audience and set the stage for the following acts.
Suggestions - The transition from Rose's cabin to the wreck of Titanic can be smoother. Maybe add a sound or visual cue that links the two scenes together.
- Consider adding more emotional weight to the scene. Is there a specific reason for showing Rose's old pictures, aside from showing her life journey? Can you connect it to the present moment in the story?
- Instead of a simple PAN, try using more dynamic camera movements or angles to make the scene more engaging.
- Can you add more dialogue or interaction between Jack and Rose? Currently, it feels like a silent movie moment. It could benefit from more character moments or even a brief conversation.