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Scene 1 -  Dawn of Aspirations
T R U M B O
___________




Written by


John McNamara



Based on the Biography by


Bruce Cook




TRUMBO PRODUCTIONS, LLC



PUBLISHED DRAFT
TRUMBO

A BLACK SCREEN

As white words FADE UP in silence --

Later, you might ask, “Wait, that really happened?”

A beat, then --

It really happened.

A longer beat, then --

And it mostly happened like this...

CUT TO:

EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - 1947 - DAWN

Alone in a vast, serrated mountain range a hundred miles
north of Los Angeles, it looks from the outside like a rustic
sprawl. The day is a gold sliver in a navy sky.

INT. LAZY-T RANCH - BATHROOM - DAWN

Writer DALTON TRUMBO, 41, debonair, heartfelt and combative,
is naked in a tub, his copyholder on a wood plank as the
steam rises.

INT. LAZY-T RANCH - TRUMBO’S STUDY - DAWN

Like the whole home, beautifully appointed. Trumbo, kindled
cigarette in its holder, attacks the keys of a typewriter on
his desk, the fastest two-fingered typist ever as we --

QUICKLY CUT AROUND HIS OFFICE,

Taking in:

- The American Booksellers National Book Award for his novel,
Johnny Got His Gun.

- The poster for his movie, Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo.

- His Oscar nomination for the screenplay of Kitty Foyle.

TIGHT ON TRUMBO’S TYPEWRITER

As the inky letters CHOP movie dialogue across the white
paper, Trumbo writing like a boxer working a speed bag --

MANNY: What do you want?


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 2.
CONTINUED:

MORE QUICK POPS - TO SHELVES AND TABLETOPS

Thick with framed photos of:

- Trumbo with KATHARINE HEPBURN at a United Refugee Committee
dinner.

- Trumbo as a World War II correspondent in his dress
uniform, boarding a plane.

- Trumbo in muddy fatigues, among battered SOLDIERS on a
battle-scarred beach in the South Pacific.

BACK TO A TIGHT CLOSE-UP OF TRUMBO’S WRITING

Words racing across the page:

What we all want.

ATOP HIS DESK - FRAMED FAMILY PICTURES

In them, WE SEE both Trumbo’s furious pecking reflected on
glass, animatedly overlaying stills under glass of:

- Trumbo’s wife Cleo in a stunning portrait.

- Trumbo and Cleo with their three children, blowing out
Niki’s eighth birthday cake.

BACK TO TRUMBO AT THE TYPEWRITER

Lemony morning light now paints the windows. Trumbo writes:

To not die young, poor...

And now we HEAR --

EDWARD G. ROBINSON (PRE-LAP)
What do you want? What we all
want. To not die young, poor...

-- as the final words of Trumbo’s speech strike paper --

...or alone.

-- Trumbo SLAPS the return and in a WHITE BLUR we’re now --
Genres: ["Biography","Drama"]

Summary In a reflective scene set at the Lazy-T Ranch in 1947, writer Dalton Trumbo is introduced as he passionately types in his study, surrounded by accolades and family photographs. A voiceover from Edward G. Robinson echoes Trumbo's thoughts on life and aspirations, emphasizing his desire to avoid dying young, poor, or alone. The introspective tone captures Trumbo's internal struggles and ambitions, culminating in a powerful moment as he finishes his writing, transitioning into a white blur.
Strengths
  • Strong character introduction
  • Effective use of visuals and dialogue to convey themes and emotions
  • Engaging and reflective tone
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Character changes are not fully realized in this scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, providing a strong introduction to the protagonist and establishing key themes and conflicts. The blend of visual and auditory elements creates a compelling atmosphere that draws the audience in.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing Trumbo's morning routine as a reflection of his past achievements and current struggles is compelling. It sets the stage for the character's journey and establishes key themes that will be explored throughout the screenplay.

Plot: 8

The plot is effectively introduced through Trumbo's morning reflections, hinting at the challenges he will face and the internal conflicts he grapples with. It sets up a strong foundation for the narrative to unfold.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces Trumbo's character in a unique and engaging way, blending elements of biography and fiction to create an authentic portrayal of his internal struggles and external successes.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene provides insight into Trumbo's character through his interactions with his family, his work, and his inner thoughts. It establishes him as a complex and multifaceted protagonist with depth and nuance.

Character Changes: 7

While Trumbo's character is not shown undergoing significant changes in this scene, it sets up the potential for growth and transformation as the story unfolds.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal in this scene is to reflect on his life and accomplishments, as well as his fears of dying young, poor, or alone. This reflects his deeper desire for recognition and security.

External Goal: 7

Trumbo's external goal in this scene is to continue writing and working on his projects, as seen through his fast typing and dedication to his craft.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While the scene hints at internal conflicts and challenges Trumbo will face, the conflict is more subtle and internalized at this stage. It sets up the potential for escalating conflicts later in the story.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with internal and external conflicts challenging Trumbo's beliefs and goals, creating uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 7

While the scene hints at the challenges Trumbo will face, the stakes are more internal and personal at this stage. It sets up the potential for higher stakes and greater conflicts to come.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively sets the stage for the story to progress by introducing key characters, themes, and conflicts. It establishes a strong foundation for the narrative to build upon.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the juxtaposition of Trumbo's internal reflections and external actions, creating tension and intrigue for the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the desire for success and recognition, and the fear of dying young, poor, or alone. This challenges Trumbo's beliefs about the importance of his work and legacy.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through its nostalgic tone, reflective dialogue, and poignant visuals. It establishes a connection with the audience and sets the stage for an emotionally resonant story.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is sharp and reflective, capturing Trumbo's internal struggles and aspirations. It effectively conveys his personality and sets the tone for his character arc.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its poetic narration, detailed descriptions, and compelling character interactions, drawing the audience into Trumbo's world and struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of introspective moments and fast-paced action, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear transitions between locations and characters, and effective use of visual and auditory cues.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear introduction of the setting, characters, and conflicts, leading to a compelling narrative.


Critique
  • The opening text on the black screen effectively sets the tone and context for the story, but it could benefit from a more engaging hook. Instead of a straightforward statement, consider using a more evocative phrase that captures the audience's curiosity about the true events.
  • The transition from the black screen to the Lazy-T Ranch is visually striking, but the description of the ranch could be more vivid. Adding sensory details about the sounds, smells, or atmosphere of dawn could enhance the imagery and draw the audience into the setting.
  • The introduction of Dalton Trumbo in the bathtub is a bold choice, but it may come off as jarring for some viewers. Consider establishing a more gradual reveal of his character, perhaps by showing him in a more relatable or less vulnerable state before transitioning to the bathtub scene.
  • The quick cuts around Trumbo's office are effective in showcasing his achievements, but they feel somewhat rushed. Allowing for a moment of pause on each accolade could give the audience a chance to absorb the significance of his accomplishments and their impact on his character.
  • The voiceover from Edward G. Robinson is a strong narrative device, but it could be more seamlessly integrated with Trumbo's actions. Instead of having the voiceover echo the words he is typing, consider using it to provide deeper insight into Trumbo's internal struggles or aspirations, creating a more emotional connection.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, particularly with the rapid transitions between visuals and voiceover. A more deliberate pacing could enhance the emotional weight of Trumbo's writing and the themes of ambition and fear of failure.
Suggestions
  • Revise the opening text to create a more compelling hook that intrigues the audience about the true events.
  • Enhance the description of the Lazy-T Ranch by incorporating sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of dawn.
  • Consider introducing Trumbo in a less vulnerable state before revealing him in the bathtub to create a more gradual character introduction.
  • Allow for longer pauses on each accolade in Trumbo's office to give the audience time to appreciate their significance.
  • Integrate Robinson's voiceover more fluidly with Trumbo's actions, using it to explore his internal conflicts rather than just echoing his words.
  • Adjust the pacing of the scene to create a more balanced rhythm, allowing emotional moments to resonate with the audience.



Scene 2 -  A Comedic Misfire
INT. A NEW YORK ALLEY (MGM SOUNDSTAGE) - NIGHT

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
...or alone.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 3.
CONTINUED:

EDWARD G. ROBINSON -- a charismatic, stocky man of 53, both
assertive and refined -- plays “MANNY,” stepping from a
sedan, moving toward a SUPPORTING PLAYER as “ROCCO,” on his
knees, bloody lip, torn jacket.

“ROCCO”
Manny, these guys... I don’t give
’em what they’re after, they’ll
kill me.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON/“MANNY”
Hold it, Rocco.

“Manny” takes out his revolver -- and aims it at “Rocco,” who
freezes as he stands.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON/“MANNY” (CONT’D)
If we don’t fight these guys,
sure, maybe you --

As “Manny” gestures with the gun, its cylinder dislodges from
the barrel -- and several bullets FLY out and comically
CLATTER to the stage floor at Robinson’s feet.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON/“MANNY” (CONT’D)
Shit.

The director is out of his chair and on his feet -- SAM WOOD,
early 60s, sharp, authoritative.

SAM WOOD
Cut! Goin’ again, Eddie.

A BELL sounds. The CREW rustles in the shadows.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Sorry, Sam. Sorry, everybody. Of
course, the one day the author’s
among us.

Trumbo sits nearby, in a bespoke suit, calmly smoking.
Robinson settles in a canvas chair with his name on the back.

SAM WOOD
(as he glides past to talk
to the CAMERAMAN)
“Among us.” Sure ain’t one of us.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
(keeping it light)
What’s the brilliant line, Trumbo?




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 4.
CONTINUED: (2)

DALTON TRUMBO
“If we don’t fight these guys,
sure, maybe you get that long,
happy life we all want.”

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Then what is it you’ve got me
fighting for again?

DALTON TRUMBO
“Peace on Earth, good will toward
men.”

Nearby, Wood SNORTS. Yeah, right.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
You can’t do that, this is America.

DALTON TRUMBO
How about sex and money?

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
There you go, two things we all
love. None of your little sermons
on citizenship.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary In a recreated New York alley on an MGM soundstage, Edward G. Robinson, playing 'Manny,' confronts a distressed Rocco, who fears for his life. As Manny aims a revolver, it comically malfunctions, causing bullets to spill onto the floor. Director Sam Wood calls for a cut, prompting the crew to prepare for another take. Robinson apologizes for the mishap and engages in a light-hearted exchange with author Dalton Trumbo about the script's themes of fighting for peace versus more relatable motivations like sex and money. The scene blends tension with humor, ending with the crew resetting for another performance.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Engaging character dynamics
  • Effective blend of tension and humor
Weaknesses
  • Moderate emotional impact
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines tension with humor and sarcasm, creating an engaging dynamic between the characters. The dialogue is sharp and witty, adding depth to the interaction.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the relationship between an actor and a writer on a movie set is intriguing and offers a unique perspective on the entertainment industry.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the clash of ideologies between the actor and the writer, setting up potential conflicts and character development in future scenes.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the crime genre, with unique character dynamics and dialogue that subvert expectations. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Edward G. Robinson and Dalton Trumbo are well-defined, with distinct personalities and conflicting motivations. Their interactions drive the scene forward and add depth to the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the groundwork is laid for potential development and evolution in the characters' arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain control and power in a dangerous situation. This reflects his need for survival and dominance in a world where strength is valued.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to protect himself and his interests in the face of threats and violence. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the scene.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict between the characters is primarily ideological, setting the stage for potential confrontations and character growth in future scenes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult choices and conflicting motivations. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the tension.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in this scene, primarily revolving around the characters' professional reputations and conflicting ideologies.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships and conflicts that will drive the narrative in subsequent scenes.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the dialogue and character interactions. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's desire for power and control, and the writer's commentary on the futility of violence and the pursuit of material gain. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about strength and success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a moderate emotional response through its blend of tension and humor, engaging the audience in the characters' dynamic.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the contrasting viewpoints of the characters. It adds layers to their personalities and sets up potential conflicts in the story.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and complex character relationships. The conflict and stakes are high, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of tension-building moments and character interactions. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the scene's effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a crime drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively transitions from the introspective tone of Trumbo's writing to the more dynamic and comedic atmosphere of the film set. This contrast serves to highlight the duality of Trumbo's life as both a serious writer and a participant in the often absurd world of Hollywood. However, the abrupt shift in tone may disorient the audience, as the previous scene's emotional weight is not fully carried over into this one.
  • The comedic mishap with the gun is a clever device that adds levity to the scene, but it risks undermining the tension established in the dialogue between Manny and Rocco. The stakes of Rocco's fear for his life are diminished by the humor of the gun malfunction, which could confuse the audience about the seriousness of the situation. Balancing humor with the gravity of the characters' circumstances is crucial.
  • The dialogue between Robinson and Trumbo is witty and engaging, showcasing their camaraderie and the underlying themes of the screenplay. However, the exchange could benefit from deeper exploration of their characters' motivations. For instance, while Trumbo's line about 'peace on Earth' is poignant, it feels somewhat disconnected from the immediate context of the scene. More context or a stronger emotional tie to the characters' current situation could enhance the impact of the dialogue.
  • The presence of Sam Wood as the director adds an interesting layer to the scene, but his character could be fleshed out further. His snorting reaction to Trumbo's line feels dismissive, but it lacks a clear motivation or backstory that would make his character more compelling. Providing a glimpse into his frustrations or ambitions could enrich the scene.
  • The scene's pacing is generally effective, but the transition from the comedic gun mishap to the philosophical dialogue could be smoother. The abruptness of the cut may leave the audience feeling jarring, and a more gradual transition could help maintain engagement.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of reflection from Trumbo after the gun mishap to bridge the comedic moment with the more serious themes of the scene. This could help maintain the emotional continuity from the previous scene.
  • Enhance the stakes of Rocco's situation by incorporating a more immediate threat or consequence that underscores the seriousness of his predicament. This could involve a more intense reaction from Manny or a visual cue that emphasizes the danger.
  • Explore the motivations behind Sam Wood's character more deeply. Perhaps include a line or two that hints at his frustrations with the industry or his own struggles, which would provide context for his dismissive attitude.
  • Consider revising the dialogue to create a stronger emotional connection between Trumbo and Robinson. This could involve Trumbo sharing a personal anecdote or a more vulnerable moment that ties into the themes of fighting for peace and the realities of their lives.
  • Smooth out the pacing by allowing for a brief pause or reaction after the gun mishap before transitioning into the philosophical dialogue. This could help the audience process the humor while maintaining the scene's overall tone.



Scene 3 -  Tensions Under the Stars
EXT. A BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - BACKYARD - NIGHT

A flat half-acre dominated by a massive pool that GLOWS with
a hundred floating candles. A PARTY where:

- MEN are in black tie, WOMEN in gowns, everyone smokes,
everyone drinks. Different time, different world.

- There’s MUSIC from a live BIG BAND.

VOICES overlap and compete as we snag snippets:

PARTYGOER 1
“...I don’t love it but Zanuck
does...”

PARTYGOER 2
“...make the Indians the good guys,
that’s the twist...”

PARTYGOER 3
“Now the actors want to go on
strike. Who’s next? Lassie?”

CLEO TRUMBO, 30s, hovers at the edge of a GROUP OF WOMEN
about her age.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 5.
CONTINUED:

She’s beautiful, observant, sensitive, often silent, as she
is here, excusing herself with a warm smile to look for
someone at the party, passing by --

A GROUP OF MEN. Louder, more boisterous. Within that group,
Edward G. Robinson.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
(in mid-sentence)
...still doing reshoots, what else?
Luckily, Mayer lined up the A Team,
Sam Wood to shoot, Dalton Trumbo
for rewrites, so, fingers
crossed...

From across the lawn, TWO MALE VOICES suddenly RISE, so we
hear before we see:

SAM WOOD (O.S.)
...Jesus, Trumbo, a goddamn six-
month strike, for what?

DALTON TRUMBO (O.S.)
(dryly)
Well, I think... money.

Cleo Trumbo turns to that second VOICE with minor dread and
as she does, she and Robinson clock one another with the same
thought: Jesus, here we go...

As they both zero in on:

Director Sam Wood, more than a little drunk.

SAM WOOD
Laugh it up. I had no crew! I
couldn’t work --
(shouting at Trumbo)
-- you wouldn’t work, God forbid
you cross a picket line. For set
builders. What do set builders
have to do with writing?

DALTON TRUMBO
What writers write, builders build.
What they build, you film. You
make all the money you possibly
can, so do I, why shouldn’t they?
And why can’t we help them? In the
long run, it’s better for everyone -
-




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 6.
CONTINUED: (2)

SAM WOOD
-- said the Swimming Pool Soviet.

DALTON TRUMBO
(calmly)
Sam. You won. The strike’s over,
the union’s history. We’ve all
gone back to being good little
worker bees making sweet movie
honey and you --
(now, just a little sharp)
-- might just try being a gracious
winner.

That last comes with a gentle poke into Wood’s lapel from
Trumbo’s fingers, which hold his cigarette. Wood does not
appreciate the jab or the accompanying smoke in his face.

SAM WOOD
It’s never over with you people --
strike, after strike, after strike!

Wood is SHOUTING now. Among the Guests: HEADS turn... SMILES
falter... CONVERSATIONS stop.

SAM WOOD (CONT’D)
Y’know what? I’m going on strike --
against people WHO GO ON STRIKE!

DALTON TRUMBO
And I won’t cross your picket line,
either.

Wood might just shove Trumbo now, he’s so angry, but --

-- suddenly, Robinson is there to get Wood’s arm in a
friendly grasp.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
(with jovial aplomb)
Sam, Sam, Sam, we’ve got to talk
about those scenes tomorrow,
disaster, who the hell wrote that
crap?
(a wink at Trumbo, steering
Wood away)
But first, may I have this
dance...?

At the same time, Cleo takes her husband’s hand and moves him
in the opposite direction.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 7.
CONTINUED: (3)

CLEO
Having fun?

DALTON TRUMBO
Eternally.

They kiss and move to the bar, passing --

-- a tall, broad MAN of 39 who eyes Trumbo the way a western
sheriff would a gunfighter. We don’t know it yet, but:

This is JOHN WAYNE.

And as his eyes follow the Trumbos, he meets the gaze of a
WOMAN. Late middle years, trim, striking, grand yet folksy,
always in a stylish hat. Wayne and she share a moment of
silent understanding. We don’t know it yet, but:

This is HEDDA HOPPER.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary At a glamorous Beverly Hills mansion party, Cleo Trumbo navigates the festivities while overhearing conversations about a writers' strike. Her husband, Dalton Trumbo, engages in a heated confrontation with director Sam Wood, who is frustrated by the strike's impact on his work. Dalton defends the writers' solidarity, while Wood angrily dismisses their concerns. Edward G. Robinson intervenes to diffuse the tension, leading Wood away. The scene captures the charged atmosphere of the party, with hints of John Wayne and Hedda Hopper observing the unfolding drama.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tense confrontation
  • Historical context
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential for confusion with multiple characters introduced

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets up the conflict between Trumbo and Wood, establishes the historical context, and introduces key characters like Edward G. Robinson, Cleo Trumbo, John Wayne, and Hedda Hopper. The dialogue is sharp and engaging, revealing the characters' motivations and beliefs.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the clash between artistic integrity and commercial interests in Hollywood during the 1940s is intriguing and well-developed. The scene introduces complex characters and sets up conflicts that will drive the narrative forward.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the confrontation between Trumbo and Wood, revealing the underlying tensions and power struggles within the film industry. The scene sets up future conflicts and character arcs, adding depth to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring Hollywood industry issues and labor disputes in the 1940s. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-defined and their personalities shine through in their interactions. Each character has distinct motivations and beliefs, driving the conflict and adding layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their beliefs and attitudes during the scene, setting the stage for future character development and arcs. The confrontation between Trumbo and Wood hints at deeper transformations to come.

Internal Goal: 8

Cleo Trumbo's internal goal is to navigate the social dynamics of the party and support her husband Dalton Trumbo in a challenging situation. This reflects her desire for harmony, loyalty, and understanding.

External Goal: 7

Dalton Trumbo's external goal is to defend his principles and beliefs in the face of opposition from Sam Wood. This reflects the immediate challenge of standing up for what he believes in.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Trumbo and Wood is intense and drives the scene forward, creating tension and drama. The clash of ideologies and power dynamics adds layers to the narrative and sets up future conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and personal conflicts driving the interactions. The audience is kept on edge by the unpredictable reactions of the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as characters confront each other over their beliefs and principles, risking their careers and reputations in the process. The outcome of the confrontation will have far-reaching consequences for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, themes, and characters that will drive the narrative. It sets up future plot developments and character arcs, laying the groundwork for the rest of the screenplay.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected confrontations, shifting power dynamics, and unresolved conflicts. The audience is left unsure of how the interactions will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident between Dalton Trumbo's belief in supporting the workers and Sam Wood's opposition to strikes. This challenges Trumbo's values of solidarity and fairness.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and defiance to sarcasm and camaraderie. The interactions between characters are emotionally charged, drawing the audience into the story.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reveals the characters' inner thoughts and emotions. It effectively conveys the themes of the scene and sets up the dynamics between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, sharp dialogue, and complex character relationships. The tension and conflict keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and drama, with well-timed dialogue exchanges and character movements. The rhythm enhances the emotional impact of the confrontations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for a screenplay set in a historical period with multiple character interactions. The scene is easy to follow and visually engaging.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy dramatic moment in a historical setting. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Dalton Trumbo and Sam Wood, showcasing the conflict between writers and directors during a time of labor disputes in Hollywood. However, the dialogue can feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly Trumbo's lines about solidarity and the importance of supporting set builders. While these themes are crucial, they could be woven into the dialogue more subtly to avoid feeling preachy.
  • Cleo Trumbo's character is introduced but not fully developed in this scene. While she observes the conflict, her emotional response and perspective could be more pronounced. This would help ground the audience in her experience and provide a more relatable viewpoint amidst the male-dominated discourse.
  • The use of overlapping dialogue from partygoers is a strong choice, as it creates a lively atmosphere and reflects the chaotic nature of Hollywood parties. However, some of the snippets could be more relevant to the main conflict to enhance the thematic resonance. For instance, including a line that directly references the strike or the impact of the writers' actions would tie the background chatter more closely to the foreground conflict.
  • The introduction of John Wayne and Hedda Hopper at the end of the scene is intriguing but feels abrupt. Their presence could be foreshadowed earlier in the scene or integrated more smoothly to build anticipation for their roles in the story. This would also enhance the sense of a larger Hollywood community reacting to the events unfolding.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the heated argument to the lighter moment with Robinson could be more fluid. The shift feels a bit jarring, and a more gradual transition could help maintain the emotional stakes while allowing for comic relief.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Trumbo's dialogue to incorporate more subtext, allowing the audience to infer his beliefs rather than stating them outright. This can create a more engaging and nuanced character.
  • Develop Cleo's character further by giving her a line or two that reflects her thoughts on the argument or the party atmosphere. This will help the audience connect with her and understand her role in Trumbo's life.
  • Enhance the background dialogue snippets to include more direct references to the strike or the implications of the writers' actions. This will create a stronger thematic link between the party atmosphere and the central conflict.
  • Introduce John Wayne and Hedda Hopper earlier in the scene, perhaps through a brief mention or visual cue, to create a sense of continuity and anticipation for their later involvement.
  • Smooth the transition between the heated argument and the comic relief by incorporating a moment of tension release, such as a shared laugh or a humorous observation from another character, to maintain emotional engagement.



Scene 4 -  The Iron Curtain Unveiled
INT. LOS ANGELES MOVIE THEATRE 1 - NIGHT

UP ON THE MOVIE SCREEN - A NEWSREEL

Actual black & white documentary footage of a waving WINSTON
CHURCHILL, grimly addressing an assembly:

WINSTON CHURCHILL (ON SCREEN)
Nobody knows what Soviet Russia
intends to do. An Iron Curtain has
descended across the continent.

The newsreel CUTS TO a cartoon map of Europe and Asia as an
animated red Iron Curtain drops, enclosing Soviet Russia.

NEWSREEL NARRATOR
The front line in a new kind of
war. A Cold War!

SHOTS of Russian military might: ARMIES march, FIGHTERS
launch, TANKS roll.

NEWSREEL NARRATOR (CONT’D)
The enemy -- Communists!

BACK TO the cartoon map as the Iron Curtain BECOMES a series
of red tentacles --

NEWSREEL NARRATOR (CONT’D)
Their goal -- world domination!



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 8.
CONTINUED:

-- and those tentacles slither across Europe and Asia,
heading for the United States.

REVERSE TO REVEAL - THE MOVIE AUDIENCE

MEN in ties, WOMEN in dresses, KIDS in their Sunday best.

And among them WE FIND Dalton Trumbo with his family:
daughter NIKI, 8, son CHRIS, 6, Cleo, and in her lap, their
youngest, MITZI, 2, all munching and sipping movie treats,
watching --

THE NEWSREEL

As it CUTS TO A SHOT OF the Hollywood sign --

NEWSREEL NARRATOR (CONT’D)
Dateline: Hollywood. The offices
of former film starlet, now top
columnist, Hedda Hopper.

-- then DISSOLVES TO A SHOT of a newspaper column under the
aerodynamically lettered byline, HEDDA HOPPER’S HOLLYWOOD.

Next to the text, Hedda Hopper. As she begins to speak from
inside her column:

HEDDA HOPPER (ON SCREEN)
(to camera)
Greetings from our film capital,
where all is sun and fun. Or is
it?

CUT TO A WIDE SHOT (ARCHIVAL) -- OF WELL-KNOWN MOVIE FOLK.
Grouped together a bit awkwardly in bright midday sun:

HEDDA HOPPER (V.O.) (CONT’D)
See the famous faces here? Danny
Kaye, Humphrey Bogart, his dishy
bride, Lauren Bacall, their good
friend, film director John Huston,
and many others...

CLOSE-UPS (ARCHIVAL) of these FAMOUS FACES, plus a few LESS
WELL-KNOWN.

HEDDA HOPPER (V.O.) (CONT’D)
...all of whom have declared
solidarity with film crews
picketing for higher wages. In
walk-outs that quickly turned
violent.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 9.
CONTINUED: (2)

NEW SHOTS (ARCHIVAL) - OF PEACEFUL STRIKES OUTSIDE FILM
STUDIOS that indeed turn violent: POLICE CLUB THE STRIKERS,
ATTACK DOGS MAUL, FIRE HOSES SPRAY --

HEDDA HOPPER (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Because these strikes were in fact
the work of dangerous radicals.

A NEW CLOSE-UP (TO BE SHOT) -- SOMEONE standing on an apple
box, addressing a peaceful line of studio PICKETERS:

It’s Dalton Trumbo, his black & white face 40 feet high:

DALTON TRUMBO (ON SCREEN)
...this is what angers and
frightens the studios!

DOWN IN THE THEATRE

The Trumbo family is silently stunned. Trumbo’s own jaw
slackens just a bit at the surreal sight of himself up on
screen, then he quickly regains his composure. But his
oldest child can’t help herself --

NIKI
Dad, is that you?

He nods curtly, pats her arm and the tiny, color, real Trumbo
down here watches:

THE ENORMOUS BLACK & WHITE FACE OF TRUMBO - UP ON SCREEN

Delivering this searing union rallying cry to the assembled,
among whom we glimpse an APPLAUDING Edward G. Robinson:

DALTON TRUMBO (ON SCREEN)
We’ve discovered where our true
power lies! Builders, cameramen,
painters, drivers, writers, actors,
directors! We are a single,
indivisible brotherhood of workers.
Bargain with a few of us, you
bargain with all of us! Threaten
one, you threaten us all and it’s
war! We are many but from this day
forward -- we are one!

The Picketers and Movie Stars UP ON SCREEN begin to CHEER
Trumbo as --

HEDDA HOPPER (V.O.)
This is writer Dalton Trumbo. Who
is...


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 10.
CONTINUED: (3)

A new CLOSE-UP of Hedda Hopper in her office:

HEDDA HOPPER (ON SCREEN)
...like many of those strikers --
and their supporters -- a
registered Communist.

BACK TO TRUMBO AND NIKI

As daughter looks at father, surprised -- is that true?
Trumbo doesn’t meet her questioning gaze, just smokes and
stoically takes in:

HEDDA HOPPER - UP ON SCREEN

Dwarfing him:

HEDDA HOPPER (ON SCREEN)
Which is why we must know: Who
exactly was behind that walk-out...
and why?

The scene now CUTS TO various CONGRESSMEN, INVESTIGATORS and
AIDES mounting the stairs of the U.S. Capitol.

HEDDA HOPPER (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Our elected leaders will find out.

The CAMERA SINGLES OUT a bald, fifty-ish New Jerseyite --

HEDDA HOPPER (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Congressman J. Parnell Thomas and
his House Un-American Activities
Committee.

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS (ON SCREEN)
Communism is not some faraway
threat; its most dangerous agents
are here, controlling the airwaves
and movie screens, taking over its
employees and their unions. They
need to be identified as the
enemies they are.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a Los Angeles movie theater, Dalton Trumbo and his family watch a newsreel featuring Winston Churchill discussing the Cold War and the spread of Communism. The film highlights Hollywood's labor strikes, showcasing Trumbo's passionate speech advocating for worker unity, which surprises his daughter Niki. However, the narrative turns ominous as Hedda Hopper labels Trumbo and the strikers as Communists, introducing Congressman J. Parnell Thomas and the House Un-American Activities Committee's mission to root out perceived threats in the industry. The scene ends with a sense of impending scrutiny and tension.
Strengths
  • Effective use of archival footage and voice-over narration
  • Compelling speech by Dalton Trumbo
  • Clear establishment of historical context and themes
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the tone for the historical context and introduces key conflicts and characters, providing valuable insight into the challenges faced by individuals during the Cold War era.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of using newsreel footage and a powerful speech to illustrate the political climate and conflicts of the Cold War era is compelling and effectively conveys the themes of unity and resistance.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene focuses on the escalating tensions within the film industry and society due to political ideologies, setting the stage for future conflicts and character developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era, highlighting the personal and political struggles of a prominent screenwriter. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and resonate with the historical context.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters' reactions to the newsreel footage and Dalton Trumbo's speech provide insight into their beliefs and values, adding depth to their personalities and motivations.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the reactions and responses of the characters hint at potential developments and growth in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain composure and protect his family's reputation in the face of public scrutiny and accusations of being a communist.

External Goal: 9

The protagonist's external goal is to defend the rights of workers and promote solidarity in the face of oppressive studio practices.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene introduces conflicts between political ideologies, societal expectations, and personal beliefs, setting the stage for future confrontations and challenges.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing public scrutiny, political backlash, and personal doubts about his beliefs and actions.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene are evident through the political tensions, personal risks, and societal consequences faced by the characters, highlighting the importance of their actions and decisions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by establishing key conflicts, introducing important characters, and setting the stage for future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because it challenges the audience's expectations of how the protagonist will navigate the political and personal challenges he faces.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in workers' rights and the societal fear of communism and its perceived threat to American values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of concern, defiance, and tension through its portrayal of political turmoil and societal unrest, engaging the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the political rhetoric and tensions of the Cold War era, with impactful speeches and voice-over narration driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because it combines historical context with personal drama, creating a sense of urgency and emotional resonance for the audience.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional impact, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the protagonist's journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for a historical drama, effectively integrating archival footage with character dialogue and actions.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-paced structure, effectively blending historical footage with character interactions to build tension and convey the protagonist's internal and external conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively uses archival footage to ground the narrative in historical context, which adds authenticity and weight to the unfolding drama. However, the transition between the newsreel and the audience's reactions could be more fluid to enhance the emotional impact. The abrupt cut from the newsreel to the audience may disrupt the viewer's immersion.
  • The dialogue from the newsreel is impactful, but it could benefit from more varied pacing. The narrator's tone is consistent, which may lead to a monotonous delivery. Introducing slight variations in tone or pacing could heighten the tension and urgency of the message being conveyed.
  • The reactions of the Trumbo family are crucial for establishing the personal stakes involved. While Niki's question about her father's identity is a good touch, the scene could delve deeper into the family's emotional responses. For instance, showing Cleo's reaction or the children's confusion could add layers to the family's dynamic and the gravity of the situation.
  • The use of Hedda Hopper as a character is intriguing, but her introduction feels somewhat abrupt. A brief setup or context about her significance in the Hollywood landscape could enhance the audience's understanding of her role and the stakes involved in the narrative.
  • The scene's climax, where Trumbo delivers his rallying cry, is powerful, but it could be more visually dynamic. Instead of just focusing on the audience's stunned silence, incorporating close-ups of their reactions—fear, pride, confusion—could amplify the emotional resonance of Trumbo's speech.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a reaction shot from the audience after the newsreel ends to allow the weight of the information to settle before transitioning back to the family.
  • Introduce variations in the newsreel narrator's tone to emphasize key points, creating a more engaging auditory experience for the audience.
  • Expand on the family's reactions by including more dialogue or visual cues that reflect their emotional turmoil, particularly Cleo's perspective on the implications of Trumbo's public exposure.
  • Provide a brief introduction or context for Hedda Hopper's character to clarify her significance and the potential consequences of her statements for Trumbo and the Hollywood community.
  • Enhance the climax of Trumbo's speech by intercutting with close-ups of audience members reacting to his words, showcasing a range of emotions that reflect the tension and stakes of the moment.



Scene 5 -  A Splash of Controversy and a Touch of Affection
INT. MOVIE THEATRE - LOBBY - LATER THAT NIGHT

The five Trumbos stream out with the audience. When
suddenly --

A YOUNG FATHER WITH HIS KIDS
Hey, that you in the newsreel...?




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 11.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO
It was, yes --

The Father FLINGS Coke into Trumbo’s face, SPLATTERING him --

YOUNG FATHER
Traitor --

-- terrifying Cleo and the kids before taking off.

DALTON TRUMBO
(dripping, calm)
No harm done, everybody okay?

CUT TO:

EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - CORRAL - DAY

Mountain, meadow and sky dwarf this fine spread. Trumbo
walks along the fence while Niki rides a horse next to him.

NIKI
So, are you a Communist?

DALTON TRUMBO
I am.

NIKI
Is it against the law?

DALTON TRUMBO
It is not.

NIKI
That lady with the big hat said
you’re a “dangerous radical.” Are
you?

DALTON TRUMBO
Radical, maybe. Dangerous, only to
men who fling Cokes.

NIKI
You don’t want to overthrow the
government?

DALTON TRUMBO
No, we have a good government. But
anything good can be better, don’t
you think?

NIKI
Is Mom a Communist?


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 12.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO
No.

NIKI
Am I?

DALTON TRUMBO
Let’s give you the official test.
Mom packs your favorite lunch...

NIKI
Salami.

DALTON TRUMBO
...and you see someone at school
with no lunch -- what do you do?

NIKI
Share?

DALTON TRUMBO
You don’t tell them to get a job?

NIKI
(aware she’s being teased)
No.

DALTON TRUMBO
Offer a loan at six percent?

NIKI
Dad.

DALTON TRUMBO
Then just ignore them.

NIKI
No.

He studies his oldest daughter with great affection.

DALTON TRUMBO
Well, well. You little Commie.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a movie theater lobby, Dalton Trumbo faces hostility when a young father, recognizing him from a newsreel, throws Coke in his face and calls him a 'traitor.' Trumbo remains composed and checks on those around him. The scene shifts to the Lazy-T Ranch, where Trumbo walks with his daughter Niki, who questions his political beliefs. They engage in a light-hearted discussion about communism, with Trumbo playfully teasing her about being a 'little Commie' as they bond over values of sharing and helping others.
Strengths
  • Deep character exploration
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Historical context
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external action
  • Limited visual elements

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into the character of Dalton Trumbo, his beliefs, and his relationship with his daughter, providing insight into the historical context of the Red Scare era.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring personal beliefs and family dynamics against the backdrop of political turmoil is compelling and well-executed.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by revealing Trumbo's political stance and the impact it has on his family, adding depth to the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring political themes and family dynamics. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, especially Dalton Trumbo and his daughter, showcasing their beliefs, values, and relationships in a nuanced manner.

Character Changes: 7

While there is no significant character change in this scene, it deepens the understanding of Dalton Trumbo's character and beliefs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain composure and protect his family in the face of hostility and accusations. This reflects his deeper need for security and stability amidst political turmoil.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges of being labeled a communist and facing public backlash. This reflects the immediate circumstances and societal pressures he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict is more internal and ideological, focusing on beliefs and values rather than external action.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and uncertainty, keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are more personal and ideological, focusing on reputation and beliefs rather than physical danger.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing more about Trumbo's character and the political climate of the time.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions of the characters and the shifting dynamics between them.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is evident in the differing beliefs about communism and government. The protagonist's views challenge traditional values and societal norms.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes empathy and understanding towards the characters' struggles and beliefs, creating an emotional connection with the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is engaging, particularly in the conversation between Trumbo and his daughter, adding layers to the characters and themes.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its mix of tension, humor, and emotional depth. The interactions between characters draw the audience in.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional resonance, leading to a satisfying resolution.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed and follows the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the public perception of Dalton Trumbo as a 'traitor' with his private life as a father, which adds depth to his character. However, the transition from the confrontation in the movie theater to the corral feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Niki is engaging and showcases their relationship well. However, the pacing could be improved by allowing for more pauses or reactions, especially after the father throws the Coke. This would heighten the emotional impact of the moment and give the audience time to absorb the shock.
  • While the playful banter between Trumbo and Niki is charming, it risks undermining the seriousness of the situation. The scene starts with a violent act, and the subsequent light-heartedness may dilute the gravity of the public's reaction to Trumbo's political beliefs. Balancing the tone more carefully could enhance the scene's emotional weight.
  • The use of humor in Trumbo's responses to Niki's questions is effective, but it could be beneficial to explore his internal conflict more deeply. This would provide a richer understanding of his character and the stakes involved in his political stance, especially in light of the public's hostility.
  • The visual elements of the scene are strong, particularly the contrast between the chaotic movie theater lobby and the serene ranch setting. However, incorporating more sensory details in the corral scene could enhance the atmosphere and make it feel more immersive.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or shock after the Coke is thrown to allow the audience to process the confrontation before transitioning to the corral scene.
  • Incorporate more physical reactions from Trumbo and his family after the Coke incident to emphasize the emotional impact of the public's hostility.
  • Explore Trumbo's internal thoughts or feelings about being labeled a 'traitor' in a voiceover or through a more introspective dialogue with Niki, which could deepen the audience's connection to his character.
  • Maintain the humor in Trumbo's dialogue with Niki, but ensure it doesn't overshadow the seriousness of the political climate. Perhaps include a moment where Trumbo reflects on the implications of his beliefs after their playful exchange.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the corral scene by describing the sounds of nature, the feel of the horse, or the warmth of the sun, which could create a more vivid and engaging atmosphere.



Scene 6 -  Clash of Ideals
INT. EDWARD G. ROBINSON’S MANSION - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Elegant, tasteful, its walls glowing colorfully with: Six
spotlit French Impressionist paintings. Seated under a
Renoir, Trumbo is debating with Robinson and a small
gathering of DIRECTORS, PRODUCERS, ACTORS and WRITERS.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 13.
CONTINUED:

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Trumbo, as usual, you only make
sense to you. Let ’em call you a
Communist, me a Democrat -- both
legitimate parties, yours is just
meaner and duller but nothing
illegal about any of it.

DALTON TRUMBO
Yet.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Hunter, tell your friend to dial
down the paranoia and have a drink.

This to screenwriter IAN McLELLAN HUNTER, 32, quick mind, sad
eyes, sharp wit, always puffing on a pipe:

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
I don’t think he’s being paranoid
enough.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Not you, too.

Trumbo pulls several booklets of mimeoed paper from a valise.

DALTON TRUMBO
I’ve drawn up a little pamphlet.
(passing them out)
Subject: “Congress Unaware of
Little Thing Called First
Amendment.”

ARLEN HIRD (O.S.)
They’re aware...

Everyone turns to the man saying:

ARLEN HIRD (CONT’D)
...they just don’t give a shit.

ARLEN HIRD is 40s, caustic, dyspeptic; the BUTLER offering
him a canape, which he waves off --

ARLEN HIRD (CONT’D)
All they care about is this nice,
new war of theirs -- these guys
love war -- and this is a great
one, scary, vague and expensive.
Anybody for it’s a hero, anybody
against it’s a traitor.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 14.
CONTINUED: (2)

DALTON TRUMBO
And anybody who thinks it’s about
movies is an idiot. Which is why
I’m going to go have a chat with
the other side.

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
You don’t mean the Alliance.

DALTON TRUMBO
I do.

A CHORUS of disbelieving MOANS and startled LAUGHS.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Are you out of your mind -- ?

DALTON TRUMBO
They’re actors, writers, directors,
just like us --

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
They’re Nazis, they’re just too
cheap to buy the uniforms --

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
They invited Congress out here --

DALTON TRUMBO
(to the room at large)
And are they all Sam Wood and Hedda
Hopper? Let’s not demonize people
we don’t really know.

ARLEN HIRD
Go for it. Be fun. ’Cause ya know
who you’re gonna be talkin’ to?

JOHN WAYNE (PRE-LAP)
I wanna say one thing about a place
I love. No, not Hollywood...

And WE REVEAL WE’RE --

INT. HOLLYWOOD ROOSEVELT HOTEL - BANQUET ROOM - NIGHT

JOHN WAYNE
...I like Hollywood...

Alone on stage, John Wayne, six-feet, four inches of bass-
voiced movie icon.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 15.
CONTINUED:

JOHN WAYNE (CONT’D)
...but I love America!

As WE REVEAL a sign near the stage announcing this is:

THE MOTION PICTURE ALLIANCE FOR THE PRESERVATION

OF AMERICAN IDEALS

WE SEE the HUGE CROWD of movie pros, from below-the-line crew
to above-the-line stars, all CHEERING and APPLAUDING Wayne.

JOHN WAYNE (CONT’D)
And when we talk about America I’m
talking about freedom! The kinda
freedom we just fought a world war
to save! You wanna be a Commie, go
be a Commie... but some friends of
mine in Washington think you got
some questions to answer!

AT THE BACK OF THE ROOM

Trumbo, Hird, Hunter and Edward G. Robinson all stand,
studying Wayne, awed and disturbed by his power.

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
I never knew he was this good.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
’Cause he’s not acting, that’s him.

UP ON STAGE

Wayne’s voice RISES with the MOB’S CHEERS.

JOHN WAYNE
Still wanna be a Commie? Be a
Commie! In Russia! But off ya go
’n’ enjoy the Bolshoi Ballet!
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In Edward G. Robinson's mansion, Dalton Trumbo engages in a heated debate with Robinson and industry professionals about communism and free speech. Trumbo argues for the First Amendment, shocking the group with his intention to confront the Motion Picture Alliance. Meanwhile, John Wayne delivers a passionate speech promoting American ideals, leaving Trumbo and his companions both impressed and disturbed by his fervor. The scene captures the tension between differing political ideologies amidst a charged atmosphere.
Strengths
  • Strong character dynamics
  • Compelling political discourse
  • Powerful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential for dialogue to become didactic
  • Risk of overshadowing character development with political themes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene effectively captures the political tensions of the time, showcases strong character dynamics, and sets up a significant conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring political ideologies and the clash of beliefs within the Hollywood industry is compelling and engaging.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses by introducing the conflict between characters with different political views, setting up future confrontations and challenges.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era, blending historical events with fictionalized dialogue and interactions. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, each with distinct personalities and beliefs that drive the conflict and tension in the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters show subtle shifts in their beliefs and attitudes, hinting at potential growth and transformation.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal is to defend his beliefs and principles against the accusations and skepticism of the other characters. This reflects his need for validation and integrity in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

Trumbo's external goal is to engage with the Motion Picture Alliance for the Preservation of American Ideals, despite the opposition and skepticism from his peers. This reflects his immediate challenge of navigating political tensions within the industry.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict between characters with opposing beliefs creates tension and sets the stage for future confrontations.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and personal stakes driving the characters' interactions. The uncertainty of the characters' allegiances and decisions adds depth to the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are established through the clash of political ideologies, the threat to freedom of speech, and the personal risks faced by the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the shifting power dynamics. The audience is kept on their toes by the characters' conflicting beliefs and motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash of political ideologies and personal values. Trumbo's belief in free speech and artistic expression is challenged by the conservative views of some of the other characters, leading to a debate on patriotism and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.3

The scene evokes a sense of defiance, critical reflection, and tension, engaging the audience emotionally.

Dialogue: 8.7

The dialogue is sharp, reflective of the characters' ideologies, and adds depth to the political discourse and personal dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its sharp dialogue, political intrigue, and character dynamics. The tension and conflict between the characters keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy, character-driven sequence in a historical drama. The pacing and rhythm of the dialogue contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Trumbo and his peers regarding the political climate of the time, showcasing differing perspectives on communism and the First Amendment. However, the dialogue can feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly with Trumbo's pamphlet introduction. It might benefit from a more subtle approach to convey his message without explicitly stating it.
  • The character dynamics are engaging, particularly the camaraderie and tension between Trumbo, Robinson, and Hird. However, the introduction of John Wayne feels abrupt. While his presence is impactful, the transition from the intimate debate to Wayne's speech could be smoother to maintain narrative flow.
  • The dialogue is sharp and witty, but some lines, especially from Robinson and Hird, could be more concise. This would enhance the pacing and keep the audience engaged without losing the essence of their characters.
  • The visual description of the setting is vivid, but it could be enhanced by incorporating more sensory details that reflect the atmosphere of the mansion and the emotional weight of the conversation. For instance, describing the sounds of the party or the tension in the air could add depth.
  • The scene ends with a strong visual of John Wayne addressing the crowd, but it might leave the audience wanting more resolution from Trumbo's perspective. A brief moment of reflection from Trumbo after Wayne's speech could provide insight into his emotional state and set up the stakes for the next scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Trumbo's introduction of the pamphlet to be more organic. Perhaps have him reference it in a more casual conversation rather than presenting it as a formal handout.
  • Smooth the transition to John Wayne's speech by incorporating a moment of silence or a reaction shot from Trumbo and the others before the audience hears Wayne's voice. This can build anticipation and highlight the contrast between the two perspectives.
  • Trim some of the dialogue to maintain a brisk pace. Focus on the most impactful lines that reveal character motivations and relationships, ensuring each character's voice is distinct and memorable.
  • Add sensory details to the setting to immerse the audience in the scene. Describe the sounds of laughter, clinking glasses, or the tension in the air as the debate unfolds to create a more vivid atmosphere.
  • Include a brief moment of introspection for Trumbo after Wayne's speech, perhaps showing his internal conflict or determination. This can deepen his character and set the stage for the challenges he will face moving forward.



Scene 7 -  Confrontation in the Lobby
INT. HOLLYWOOD ROOSEVELT HOTEL - LOBBY - LATER THAT NIGHT

Trumbo, Hird, Robinson and Hunter offer copies of Trumbo’s
pamphlet to THOSE who ignore or shoot them dirty looks. Or
put on their hats and throw smug smiles. Including --

SAM WOOD
(as he accepts a pamphlet)
Do svidaniya.

Russian for “goodbye,” as he tears it to shreds.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 16.
CONTINUED:

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
This? Is a nightmare.

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
If it were, I’d be in bed.

An elegantly turned out, in-the-flesh Hedda Hopper
approaches.

HEDDA HOPPER
Hello, Dalton.

DALTON TRUMBO
Hedda, here you are, of course.
Good evening to you.

HEDDA HOPPER
Eddie, darling.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Hedda. New hat?

HEDDA HOPPER
Daily, dear, daily.
(to Trumbo)
Been to the movies lately?
(before he can answer)
Duke!

John Wayne has crossed the room with IATSE Union Leader ROY
BREWER, 40, jowly, jovial and shrewd.

HEDDA HOPPER (CONT’D)
Wasn’t he? Mag. Nificent.

JOHN WAYNE
Just sayin’ what needs sayin’.
(then)
Hiya, Eddie.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Duke.

JOHN WAYNE
Hear you ’n’ your pals got a
“pamphlet.” Any takers?

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Not yet...




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 17.
CONTINUED: (2)

ARLEN HIRD
(offers one to Wayne)
Would you like one? We’re
Communists.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
(shrugs)
He’s a writer.

JOHN WAYNE
(to Robinson)
Ya won’t get any takers. Not here.

DALTON TRUMBO
Why not?

Wayne now turns and regards an affable Trumbo.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
All it says is, Congress has no
right to investigate how we vote,
where we pray, what we think, say
or make movies about.
(holds out the pamphlet)
Hello, I’m Dalton Trumbo.

JOHN WAYNE
(takes the pamphlet)
Congress has the right to go after
anything they think is a threat.

DALTON TRUMBO
We disagree. That’s the point --
we both have the right to be wrong.

A LOOSE, CURIOUS GROUP has begun to gather, sensing trouble.

JOHN WAYNE
You wanna talk about rights, first
show me whose side you’re on.
Russia’s no friend, not anymore.
You better wake up.
(then)
’Cause it’s a new day. A new day.

DALTON TRUMBO
And?

JOHN WAYNE
Maybe it’s not for your kind.

DALTON TRUMBO
My kind, what kind is that?


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 18.
CONTINUED: (3)

JOHN WAYNE
Kind that has no idea why we just
won a war.

Wayne crumples Trumbo’s pamphlet, tosses it and starts off.

DALTON TRUMBO
That’s the second time you’ve
brought that up. I was a war
correspondent in Okinawa --
(to Hedda now)
-- your son was stationed in the
Philippines --
(re: Robinson)
-- Eddie was in Europe with the
Office of War Information --
(back to Wayne)
-- where’d you serve again?

JOHN WAYNE
(stops, turns)
You tryin’ to say something?

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
No, Duke, he wasn’t --

HEDDA HOPPER
Stay out of it, Eddie --

DALTON TRUMBO
(right in Wayne’s face)
If you’re gonna talk about World
War Two like you personally won it,
let’s be clear where you were
stationed -- on a film set,
shooting blanks, wearing makeup and
if you’re going to hit me, I’d like
to take my glasses off.

Wayne could belt him but camera FLASHBULBS POP.

ROY BREWER
Duke, let’s get outta here...

He urges the apoplectic Wayne to a doorway.

HEDDA HOPPER
Thank you, Dalton. My next column
just wrote itself.

She exits. Robinson, Hird and Hunter just stare at Trumbo.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 19.
CONTINUED: (4)

ARLEN HIRD
(happy as a clam)
That was... I don’t even know what
to...

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
Yes, good thing you don’t want to
demonize anybody or that could’ve
been awkward.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In the lobby of the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, Dalton Trumbo and his associates distribute pamphlets advocating for freedom of thought, facing mockery from onlookers. Tensions rise when John Wayne confronts Trumbo about the pamphlet's message, asserting Congress's right to investigate threats. Trumbo defends differing opinions and challenges Wayne's military credentials, leading to a heated standoff. As the crowd gathers, Wayne storms off in anger, while Hedda Hopper hints at writing about Trumbo's boldness, leaving the conflict unresolved.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Intense conflict
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is intense, well-written, and pivotal in establishing the ideological differences between characters. The dialogue is sharp, the conflict is palpable, and the emotional impact is significant.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring ideological differences and personal histories through a confrontational debate is compelling. It adds depth to the characters and drives the narrative forward.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly through the confrontation, setting up future conflicts and character arcs. It establishes key themes and motivations for the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring political and social themes in a historical context, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters are well-developed and their conflicting personalities shine through in the dialogue. Each character's stance is clear, adding layers to the overall narrative.

Character Changes: 9

While there are no drastic character changes in this scene, the confrontation deepens the characters' convictions and sets the stage for potential evolution in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to defend his beliefs and principles against the opposition he faces, showcasing his courage and conviction in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to distribute pamphlets and spread his message about Congress's lack of right to investigate personal beliefs and freedoms.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with opposing ideologies and personal histories coming to a head. The tension is palpable and drives the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and personal conflicts driving the narrative tension and character dynamics.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters' beliefs, reputations, and personal histories are on the line. The outcome of the confrontation could have significant repercussions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by establishing key conflicts, themes, and character dynamics. It sets the stage for future developments and adds depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected confrontations and power dynamics between the characters, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between individual rights and government authority, as well as the clash of ideologies between communism and patriotism.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a significant emotional impact, evoking tension, defiance, and resilience in the characters. The audience is drawn into the conflict and feels the weight of the ideological divide.

Dialogue: 9.5

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the characters' beliefs and motivations effectively. It drives the conflict and adds depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, political intrigue, and confrontational dialogue that keeps the audience on edge.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense gradually, leading to a climactic confrontation that propels the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively building tension and conflict through character interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Dalton Trumbo and John Wayne, showcasing their conflicting ideologies in a high-stakes environment. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext; while the confrontation is direct, adding layers of nuance could enhance the emotional stakes.
  • The use of humor, particularly through Arlen Hird's quips, provides a nice contrast to the tension, but it may undercut the gravity of the situation. Balancing humor with the seriousness of the political discourse could create a more impactful scene.
  • The pacing feels uneven at times. The buildup to the confrontation is strong, but once it escalates, the dialogue exchanges could be tightened to maintain momentum. Some lines, while clever, may distract from the urgency of the conflict.
  • The visual elements, such as the gathering crowd and the camera flashbulbs, are effective in heightening the drama. However, the scene could benefit from more specific visual descriptions to enhance the atmosphere and the characters' emotional states.
  • Hedda Hopper's role feels somewhat passive in this scene. While she does provide a moment of closure with her comment about her column, giving her a more active role in the confrontation could add depth to her character and the dynamics at play.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Trumbo and Wayne. Instead of having them state their positions outright, allow their words to imply deeper motivations and fears.
  • Reassess the balance of humor and tension. While Hird's humor is a nice touch, ensure it doesn't detract from the seriousness of the political implications being discussed.
  • Tighten the dialogue exchanges during the confrontation to maintain a brisk pace. Focus on the most impactful lines that drive the conflict forward.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions to create a more vivid atmosphere. Consider how the setting and the reactions of the crowd can reflect the emotional stakes of the confrontation.
  • Give Hedda Hopper a more active role in the scene. Perhaps she could interject during the argument or provide a counterpoint to Wayne's rhetoric, showcasing her influence and perspective.



Scene 8 -  Navigating Hollywood's Shadows
EXT. MGM STUDIOS - DAY

Walking with Robinson, Trumbo crosses the gleaming, BUSY
dream factory at the height of its productivity, stops at a
newsstand to buy cigarettes and is confronted by a strange
and awful sight:

The face of Hedda Hopper on the July 28, 1947 cover of TIME
magazine, the copies all hung in a line, creating two dozen
identical Heddas. Trumbo is quietly amused, Robinson
slightly horrified.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Good God.
(reaches for a copy)
Trumbo, you pick your enemies the
way you live -- only the best will
do.

INT. MGM STUDIOS - LOUIS B. MAYER’S OFFICE - DAY

LOUIS B. MAYER, 60, warm-hearted, cold-blooded studio
president, beams affectionately at Trumbo.

LOUIS B. MAYER
Your next deal’s gonna make you the
highest-paid writer in Hollywood,
which’ll make you the highest-paid
writer in the world.

BUDDY ROSS, early 30s, a young, go-getter producer, sits off
to the side, eyes darting anxiously between the studio
president and the writer.

LOUIS B. MAYER (CONT’D)
You earned it. You don’t just
write happy endings, you actually
believe them.

BUDDY ROSS
That’s what the people pay to see,
that’s why you belong here at MGM,
right, L.B.?


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 20.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO
Look, I hate to make the wooing too
easy for you but: Where do I sign?

LOUIS B. MAYER
Just one thing. If you’re going to
work for me...
(unfolds a newspaper)
...I never, ever want to see
anything like this...

HEDDA HOPPER’S HOLLYWOOD column: a photo of Dalton Trumbo
under the headline, “OUR OWN RED MENACE.”

LOUIS B. MAYER (CONT’D)
...again.

Trumbo and Mayer lock eyes. Buddy is frozen silent.

DALTON TRUMBO
You won’t. I promise.

Mayer nods, satisfied. Buddy could kiss Trumbo.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
Just stop reading Hedda Hopper.

Off Mayer’s fury and Buddy’s panic --
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary Dalton Trumbo and Edward G. Robinson walk through MGM Studios, where Robinson is horrified by TIME magazine covers featuring Hedda Hopper, while Trumbo finds humor in it. In a meeting with Louis B. Mayer, Trumbo is praised for his writing and informed he will be the highest-paid writer in Hollywood, but Mayer warns him to avoid negative publicity from Hopper. Trumbo confidently assures Mayer he will not cause further trouble, resolving the tension for the moment, though an underlying conflict remains.
Strengths
  • Strong thematic depth
  • Tense atmosphere
  • Compelling character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential for dialogue to become didactic
  • Limited physical action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the ideological clash and power dynamics within the Hollywood industry during a tumultuous period, creating a sense of unease and defiance.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the impact of McCarthyism and the Red Scare on Hollywood figures is compelling and provides a rich backdrop for character development and conflict.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the introduction of key conflicts and the escalation of tensions, setting the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the challenges faced by artists in Hollywood during the McCarthy era, with authentic character interactions and a compelling narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-defined and their conflicting beliefs drive the scene forward, adding depth and complexity to the unfolding drama.

Character Changes: 8

The scene sets the stage for potential character growth and transformation, particularly in how the characters navigate their conflicting beliefs and loyalties.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal is to navigate the treacherous waters of Hollywood while maintaining his integrity and principles in the face of external pressures.

External Goal: 9

Trumbo's external goal is to secure a lucrative deal that will establish him as the highest-paid writer in Hollywood.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between personal beliefs and professional obligations is palpable, creating a tense and confrontational atmosphere that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests and power dynamics creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes involved in the characters' ideological battles and professional reputations add urgency and tension to the scene, raising the stakes for their decisions and actions.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts and tensions that will shape the characters' decisions and relationships in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and unexpected challenges faced by the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Trumbo's commitment to his beliefs and artistic integrity versus the demands of the studio system and societal expectations.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to defiance, adding depth to the characters' struggles and beliefs.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the ideological differences and power struggles between the characters, adding layers to their interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its sharp dialogue, tense interactions, and high stakes for the protagonist.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, building tension and maintaining audience interest through sharp dialogue and character dynamics.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay set in a historical Hollywood setting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy, character-driven scene in a historical drama genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Trumbo's rising success and the looming threat of public perception, particularly through the visual of Hedda Hopper's face on the TIME magazine cover. This juxtaposition serves to highlight the conflict between personal achievement and societal backlash, which is central to Trumbo's story.
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Mayer is sharp and conveys the stakes involved in Trumbo's career. However, it could benefit from more subtext. While Mayer's warning is clear, adding layers to their interaction could enhance the tension. For instance, Mayer's affection could be undercut by a hint of menace, suggesting that his warmth is a facade masking his control over Trumbo's fate.
  • Robinson's reaction to the magazine cover is a strong moment, but it feels somewhat isolated. Expanding on his horror could deepen the emotional impact. Perhaps he could express concern for Trumbo's safety or the implications of being labeled a 'Red Menace,' which would reinforce the stakes of the political climate.
  • The transition from the newsstand to Mayer's office is somewhat abrupt. A brief moment of reflection from Trumbo after seeing the magazine could serve to illustrate his internal conflict and the weight of his situation, making the transition smoother and more impactful.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat comedic note with Trumbo's quip about stopping reading Hedda Hopper. While humor can be effective, it risks undermining the gravity of the preceding conversation. A more serious or contemplative closing line could better reflect the tension and stakes at play.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of internal reflection for Trumbo after he sees the magazine cover. This could provide insight into his emotional state and the pressure he feels from public scrutiny.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Trumbo and Mayer by incorporating more subtext. Mayer's affection could be laced with veiled threats or implications about the consequences of negative publicity.
  • Expand Robinson's reaction to the magazine cover to include more emotional depth. This could involve him expressing concern for Trumbo's safety or the broader implications of the label he's been given.
  • Smooth the transition between the newsstand and Mayer's office by including a brief moment where Trumbo processes the magazine cover, perhaps sharing a worried glance with Robinson before moving on.
  • Reconsider the final line of the scene. Instead of a humorous quip, opt for a more serious or contemplative remark from Trumbo that reflects the weight of the conversation and the stakes involved.



Scene 9 -  A Day of Joy Interrupted
EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - TERRACE - DAY

Overlooking their lake. Trumbo stands at a hot grill,
flipping filet of trout, holding court for his family;
Hunter, his WIFE and CHILDREN; Robinson and his WIFE; Buddy
Ross and a GLAMOROUS INGENUE GIRLFRIEND.

NIKI
(to Cleo)
Mom, please...?

CLEO
(to Niki)
Not now, honey.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
So what’d L.B. say then?

BUDDY ROSS
Jesus, don’t, I haven’t eaten
since. My job’s not hard enough?

DALTON TRUMBO
Your job’s not hard at all.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 21.
CONTINUED:

BUDDY ROSS
You think getting Mayer to sign you
after those headlines was easy?
You have a record-breaking, three-
year contract -- to make shit up.
You’re welcome.

CHRIS
C’mon, Mom!

EXT. A NARROW DIRT ROAD - DAY

A solitary black sedan churns up a plume of dust.

EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - TERRACE - DAY

Trumbo and the other adults LAUGH and drink away a dazzling
summer afternoon.

NIKI
(to Robinson)
She really can! Ask her!

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
(chuckling)
Cleo? Is this true?

CLEO
I... had a very unusual mother.

DALTON TRUMBO
Which means “Stage Mother.”

He picks up a glass, a twinkle in his eye.

CLEO
(knows what’s coming,
laughs, embarrassed)
Trumbo, no...

He hands Niki the glass, who tosses it to Cleo, which she
catches easily, then another, which she catches in her other
hand, beginning to lightly JUGGLE the two, causing the
children to finally SQUEAL with delight as --

EXT. ANOTHER DIRT ROAD - DAY

-- that black sedan takes a gravel-popping turn and --
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 22.


EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - TERRACE - DAY

-- Robinson and his Wife stare in amazement, watching Cleo
expertly JUGGLE two glasses, flipping and catching one behind
her back as Trumbo beams.

DALTON TRUMBO
The misspent youth of a child
acrobat.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
My God, how long were you in show
business?

CLEO
(juggling away)
Till I was 15. And it was more
“show-forced-labor.”

Niki tosses her mother a third glass, which Cleo catches, now
pinwheeling all three easily.

NIKI
She never drops one, ever.

CLEO
Mom had a little saying. “Drop it,
you lose your next meal.”

DALTON TRUMBO
(to Robinson)
And “Mom” wasn’t kidding. Woman
was a Dickensian harridan.

CLEO
(laughs)
No one even knows what that means.

EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - DRIVEWAY - DAY

The black sedan closes in --

EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - TERRACE - DAY

-- as Cleo does over-hand grabs, then switches to a circular
pattern, the spool of tumblers catching sunlight in dazzling
prisms.

AND THROUGH CLEO’S GLASSY WHIRL OF COLOR - WE SEE THAT SEDAN

Pull to a stop and Trumbo sees THREE MEN in suits get out.
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 23.


EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - DRIVEWAY - A FEW MOMENTS LATER

Family and friends watching, Trumbo greets the three men,
among whom we recognize: HUAC Investigator Robert Stripling.

STRIPLING
Mr. Dalton Trumbo?

Stripling hands Trumbo a pink document.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary On a sunny day at Lazy-T Ranch, Dalton Trumbo hosts a lively gathering with family and friends, including his wife Cleo, who entertains the children with her juggling skills. The adults engage in playful banter, creating a warm and joyful atmosphere. However, the scene takes a dramatic turn when a black sedan arrives, bringing HUAC Investigator Robert Stripling and two other suited men to confront Trumbo with a pink document, signaling a looming threat to his career and freedom.
Strengths
  • Effective balance of humor and tension
  • Creative use of Cleo's juggling act as a metaphor
  • Engaging character interactions and dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene
  • Potential lack of clarity on the significance of the investigators' arrival

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances humor and tension, setting up a contrast between the carefree family atmosphere and the serious intrusion of the investigators. The juggling act adds a unique and entertaining element to the scene, enhancing its overall appeal.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of juxtaposing a cheerful family moment with the intrusion of unwelcome visitors is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The use of Cleo's juggling act as a symbolic representation of maintaining composure in the face of adversity is a creative touch.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene effectively introduces conflict and sets up future developments with the arrival of the HUAC investigators. The family dynamics and interactions provide insight into the characters' relationships and foreshadow potential challenges ahead.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the Hollywood industry and the challenges faced by artists during the McCarthy era. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, offering a unique take on a familiar historical context.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and relationships that are showcased through their interactions. Cleo's skillful juggling adds depth to her character, while Trumbo's calm demeanor in the face of the investigators hints at his resilience.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interactions and dynamics between the characters hint at potential growth and challenges to come. Cleo's juggling act symbolizes her ability to adapt and maintain composure in difficult situations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain a sense of normalcy and composure in the face of unexpected visitors and potential conflict. This reflects his desire to protect his family and reputation while navigating the challenges of his profession.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to handle the arrival of the HUAC investigators with grace and composure, while also protecting his family and friends from potential repercussions. This goal reflects the immediate threat to his career and personal life posed by the investigation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is subtle but effective, with the impending arrival of the HUAC investigators creating tension amidst the otherwise light-hearted family gathering. The contrast between the two elements adds depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the arrival of the HUAC investigators posing a significant threat to the protagonist and his family. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding suspense and drama to the scene.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are raised with the arrival of the HUAC investigators, signaling potential threats to the characters' livelihoods and relationships. The scene hints at the challenges and risks they will face in the future, adding urgency and tension to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the conflict with the HUAC investigators and setting up future developments. It provides insight into the characters' relationships and motivations, laying the groundwork for upcoming plot twists and challenges.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected arrival of the HUAC investigators and the tension it creates for the protagonist and his family. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between personal integrity and external pressures. Trumbo's interactions with the investigators highlight the clash between his principles and the demands of the industry and society.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from amusement during Cleo's juggling act to anticipation and concern with the arrival of the investigators. The emotional impact is heightened by the characters' reactions and the shifting tone of the scene.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is engaging and reveals the characters' personalities and dynamics effectively. The playful banter and light-hearted exchanges contribute to the scene's tone and provide insight into the relationships between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, drama, and suspense, as well as the dynamic interactions between the characters. The dialogue is sharp and witty, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding events.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a good balance of dialogue, action, and description that maintains the audience's interest and builds tension effectively. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and narrative flow.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions and action lines are concise and evocative, enhancing the reader's immersion in the story.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, with well-paced dialogue and action that build tension and suspense effectively. The formatting is consistent and easy to follow, enhancing the overall readability of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of levity and camaraderie among Trumbo and his friends, contrasting sharply with the impending seriousness of the HUAC investigation. This juxtaposition heightens the emotional stakes, making the arrival of the suited men more impactful.
  • The dialogue flows naturally, showcasing the characters' relationships and personalities. Trumbo's playful banter with his family and friends adds depth to his character, illustrating his ability to find joy amidst the political turmoil.
  • Cleo's juggling act serves as a visual metaphor for the precariousness of their situation—juggling family life and the pressures of the Hollywood blacklist. This clever use of imagery enhances the scene's thematic depth.
  • However, the transition from the light-hearted atmosphere to the arrival of the HUAC investigators feels somewhat abrupt. While the contrast is effective, the shift could benefit from a more gradual build-up to maintain narrative tension.
  • The introduction of the HUAC investigator is impactful, but the scene could provide more context about the significance of the pink document. A brief line of dialogue or a visual cue indicating its importance would enhance the audience's understanding of the stakes involved.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of foreshadowing earlier in the scene, such as a brief mention of the political climate or a news report in the background, to create a more seamless transition to the arrival of the investigators.
  • Incorporate a line or two from Trumbo or another character that hints at the seriousness of the situation before the investigators arrive. This could build tension and prepare the audience for the shift in tone.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including a close-up shot of the pink document as it is handed to Trumbo, emphasizing its significance and the gravity of the situation.
  • Explore the reactions of the children and other family members to the arrival of the suited men. Their innocence juxtaposed with the adults' tension could add emotional weight to the scene.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more dramatic line from Trumbo or a character that encapsulates the gravity of the moment, leaving the audience with a sense of foreboding as the scene transitions.



Scene 10 -  The Hollywood Red Scare: A Political Showdown
INT. U.S. CAPITOL - ROTUNDA - DAY

Congressman J. Parnell Thomas stands before REPORTERS:

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
Nineteen subpoenas have been issued
to those we believe have knowledge
of the ongoing Communist threat in
Hollywood.

This announcement is greeted with a resounding... pause.

REPORTER 1
Uh, what kind of threat is that?

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
A conspiracy to corrupt democratic
values and bring about the
overthrow of this nation.

REPORTER 2
Using... movies.

The CHUCKLING Reporters clearly think this is horseshit.

REPORTER 1
Any movie in particular or...?

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
(cutting him off)
Movies are the most powerful form
of influence ever created and they
are infested with hidden traitors
who will be dragged into the light,
for all to see and all to judge.

CUT TO:

HEDDA HOPPER’S HOLLYWOOD NEWSREEL

Her talking face again appears alongside her column.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 24.
CONTINUED:

HEDDA HOPPER
(to camera)
We travel now...

CUT TO:

EXT./INT. U.S. CAPITOL - VARIOUS SHOTS - DAY - THE HEARINGS

And actual newsreel footage in black & white of the Capitol
packed with POLITICIANS, EXECUTIVES and STARS.

HEDDA HOPPER (V.O.)
...to Washington, D.C., where
battle lines are drawn. On one
side, Communist subversives. On
the other, studio heads, labor
leaders and some of our brightest
stars.

And in actual footage from his testimony that day, RONALD
REAGAN, 36, handsome and measured, cooperates with Robert
Stripling before a PACKED HOUSE.

STRIPLING
Your profession, Mr. Reagan?

RONALD REAGAN
Motion picture actor.

STRIPLING
And you are currently the president
of the Screen Actors Guild?

RONALD REAGAN
Yes, sir.

STRIPLING
Has it been reported to you that
certain members of the guild were
Communists?

RONALD REAGAN
Yes, sir, I have heard different
discussions of some of them as
Communists.

JUMP CUT TO:

More actual news footage -- CONGRESSMAN RICHARD M. NIXON (R-
California), 34.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 25.
CONTINUED:

RICHARD M. NIXON
Do you believe that the motion
picture industry is doing
everything it can to rid itself of
subversive, Un-American influences?

Then answering, in testimony we recreate in matching black &
white --

ROY BREWER
No! The Communists are everywhere!
They report directly to Moscow!

Then --

SAM WOOD
Enough is enough! The Communists
have to go!

DALTON TRUMBO (PRE-LAP)
What we’re about to do...

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a tense scene set in the U.S. Capitol Rotunda, Congressman J. Parnell Thomas announces nineteen subpoenas related to a supposed Communist threat in Hollywood, claiming a conspiracy to undermine democracy through films. Reporters express skepticism, questioning the validity of Thomas's claims. The scene transitions to a newsreel featuring Hedda Hopper discussing the political battle between alleged Communist subversives and Hollywood figures, showcasing Ronald Reagan's testimony about Communism in the Screen Actors Guild and Congressman Richard Nixon's inquiries into the industry's efforts against subversion. Industry figures like Roy Brewer and Sam Wood echo the fears of Communism's pervasive influence. The scene concludes with the introduction of Dalton Trumbo for testimony, hinting at further developments.
Strengths
  • Historical relevance
  • Tension-building
  • Authenticity
Weaknesses
  • Lack of emotional depth
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively sets the stage for the political conflict and introduces key characters and themes with a sense of urgency and importance.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the Communist threat in Hollywood and the impact of the House Un-American Activities Committee hearings is compelling and relevant to the historical context of the story.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the unveiling of the Communist threat and sets the stage for future conflicts and developments within the story.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the Red Scare era by focusing on the intersection of politics and Hollywood. The authenticity of characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, including Congressman Thomas, reporters, and industry professionals, are well-defined and contribute to the tension and conflict of the narrative.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the exposure to the Communist threat sets the stage for potential transformations and conflicts in the future.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to defend democratic values and expose hidden traitors within the movie industry. This reflects his desire to protect the nation from perceived threats and uphold his beliefs in democracy.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to issue subpoenas to individuals with knowledge of Communist activities in Hollywood. This reflects the immediate challenge of investigating and rooting out potential threats to national security.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The level of conflict in the scene is high, with opposing viewpoints and tensions between characters driving the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and power struggles creating uncertainty and suspense for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters face accusations of Communist influence and the threat of exposure and judgment.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing the conflict surrounding the Communist threat and the House Un-American Activities Committee hearings.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists in dialogue and the shifting power dynamics between characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the balance between freedom of expression in movies and the perceived threat of Communist propaganda. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in the power of movies as a form of influence.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of tension and unease, but the emotional impact is more intellectual than visceral, focusing on the political implications of the events.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the political ideologies and conflicts of the characters, adding depth to their motivations and beliefs.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high tension and dramatic conflict, drawing the audience into the ideological battle between characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and momentum, leading to a climactic confrontation between characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and transitions that aid in visualizing the setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear dialogue exchanges and visual descriptions that enhance the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and absurdity of the congressional hearings, particularly through the reporters' skepticism. However, the dialogue could benefit from more varied reactions from the reporters to enhance the comedic undertone and emphasize the ridiculousness of the situation.
  • The transition from Congressman Thomas's speech to Hedda Hopper's newsreel is smooth, but the scene could use more visual cues or descriptions to differentiate between the live action and the newsreel footage. This would help the audience better understand the shift in context and maintain engagement.
  • While the use of actual historical figures like Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon adds authenticity, their dialogue feels somewhat flat and lacks emotional weight. Incorporating more personal stakes or motivations for these characters could make their testimonies more compelling and impactful.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven; the initial buildup with Congressman Thomas feels rushed, and the subsequent newsreel footage could be more dynamic. Consider interspersing reactions from the audience or the characters to create a rhythm that reflects the gravity of the situation.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Trumbo's voiceover, which feels disconnected from the preceding action. A more gradual transition or a stronger connection to Trumbo's perspective would enhance the emotional resonance and provide a clearer thematic link to his character.
Suggestions
  • Add more varied reactions from the reporters to create a richer comedic atmosphere and highlight the absurdity of the congressional claims.
  • Incorporate visual elements or descriptions that clearly differentiate between the live action and the newsreel footage, enhancing audience understanding.
  • Deepen the dialogue for historical figures like Reagan and Nixon by adding personal stakes or motivations, making their testimonies more engaging.
  • Adjust the pacing to allow for a more gradual buildup and a dynamic rhythm, incorporating audience reactions to enhance the gravity of the hearings.
  • Create a smoother transition to Trumbo's voiceover by linking it more closely to the preceding action, reinforcing the thematic connection to his character.



Scene 11 -  Defiance at the Lazy-T Ranch
INT. LAZY-T RANCH - LIVING ROOM - DAY - BEFORE THE HEARINGS

DALTON TRUMBO
...won’t make us too popular.

Trumbo leads a small strategy session with Robert Kenny,
Arlen Hird and a HALF-DOZEN of the SUBPOENAED 19 and --

-- Niki, in a corner, quietly taking everything in.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
Our support’s not only going to
vanish, we’re going to get attacked
by our own.

ARLEN HIRD
Okay, we get slandered, then what?

ROBERT KENNY
You testify and answer every
question they ask, in your own way.

ARLEN HIRD
So don’t tell ’em shit.

DALTON TRUMBO
Beautifully put.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 26.
CONTINUED:

In her corner, Niki smiles.

CUT TO:

INT. U.S. CAPITOL - DAY - THE HEARINGS

HEDDA HOPPER (V.O.)
Of the nineteen forced to appear,
only ten were called to the stand.

The Hollywood Nineteen wait to be called to testify.

HEDDA HOPPER (V.O.)
Dubbed “The Hollywood Ten,” they
refused to answer every question
about their Communist ties.

ARLEN HIRD (PRE-LAP)
You know what that’s called?

BACK TO:

INT. LAZY-T RANCH - LIVING ROOM - DAY - BEFORE THE HEARINGS

DALTON TRUMBO
Contempt of Congress.

Beat. The room is silent, Niki transfixed. Then --

ARLEN HIRD
Maybe I’m missing something, ’cause
all I’m seein’ here is jail.

CUT TO:

INT. U.S. CAPITOL - CAUCUS ROOM - DAY - THE HEARINGS

As Trumbo is sworn in, there’s a BLINDING CAMERA FLASH and
Congress, the crowds and Trumbo all BURST INTO FULL COLOR --

STRIPLING
Mr. Trumbo, I will ask various
questions, all of which can be
answered yes or no.

DALTON TRUMBO
I shall answer yes or no if I
please to. Many questions can only
be answered yes or no by a moron or
a slave.

As the caucus room FLUTTERS with DISBELIEVING MOANS,
supportive LAUGHTER and a few nasty BOOS, WE FIND --


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 27.
CONTINUED:

Cleo Trumbo, in the gallery, serenely unsurprised by her
husband’s insolence.

BACK TO:

INT. LAZY-T RANCH - LIVING ROOM - DAY - BEFORE THE HEARINGS

ROBERT KENNY
No one can beat Congress in
Congress. The only place to do
that’s in court --

ARLEN HIRD
-- in front of a judge who’ll
probably hate Commies and rule
against us --

DALTON TRUMBO
-- in a lower court, yes, we’ll
likely lose but on appeal...

ROBERT KENNY
...it’ll work. The Supreme Court
is a five to four liberal majority.
They think the Committee’s
unconstitutional, they want it
killed and we’re gonna hand them
the case to do it.

ARLEN HIRD
Great. Best of luck. I’m out.

And suddenly, Hird is on his feet and gone.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In the living room of the Lazy-T Ranch, Dalton Trumbo leads a tense strategy session with Robert Kenny and Arlen Hird as they prepare for the impending hearings. Trumbo stresses the need for caution in their testimonies, while Hird voices concerns about potential jail time. The scene shifts to the U.S. Capitol, where only ten of the nineteen subpoenaed individuals, known as 'The Hollywood Ten,' are called to testify. Trumbo's defiance is evident as he refuses to answer questions directly, causing a stir. Back at the ranch, Kenny suggests fighting Congress through the courts, but Hird's skepticism leads him to leave the discussion in frustration, highlighting the internal conflict and anxiety surrounding their situation.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-filled atmosphere
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development in this specific scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the defiant tone of the Hollywood Ten and sets up the conflict and stakes for the characters. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the narrative forward.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of resistance and defiance in the face of government scrutiny is well-developed in the scene, setting up the central conflict of the story.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene as the characters make crucial decisions that will impact their future. The refusal to cooperate with Congress sets the stage for the escalating conflict.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the McCarthy era and the Hollywood blacklist, presenting complex characters and moral dilemmas. The dialogue feels authentic and captures the tension of the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' personalities and motivations are effectively portrayed, especially Dalton Trumbo's defiance and Arlen Hird's skepticism. The interactions between the characters drive the scene forward.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the characters' resolve and defiance are further solidified, setting the stage for potential growth in future developments.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain their integrity and principles in the face of adversity. They want to stand up for their beliefs and not compromise their values, even if it means facing consequences.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the legal proceedings and public scrutiny surrounding the accusations of Communist ties. They aim to strategize their defense and ultimately challenge the constitutionality of the Committee's actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, as the characters face the threat of jail time for their refusal to cooperate with Congress. The tension is palpable and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing legal challenges, societal backlash, and internal conflicts. The uncertainty of the characters' fates adds to the tension and drama of the scene.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters risk jail time and public scrutiny for their refusal to cooperate with Congress. The consequences of their actions are significant.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by establishing the characters' positions and motivations leading up to the hearings. It sets the stage for the central conflict of the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' unexpected actions and the shifting power dynamics. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the characters will navigate the challenges they face.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between standing up for one's beliefs and conforming to societal expectations. The characters must decide whether to fight against injustice or protect themselves by staying silent.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a sense of resilience and determination in the face of adversity, resonating with the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and reveals the characters' defiance and determination. It effectively conveys the tension and high stakes of the situation.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its compelling dialogue, political intrigue, and moral dilemmas. The characters' conflicts and decisions draw the audience in and create suspense.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' struggles. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences enhances the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format that effectively builds tension and develops the characters' motivations. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and stakes surrounding the upcoming hearings, showcasing Trumbo's leadership and the anxiety of his associates. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices to enhance individuality and make each character's perspective clearer.
  • The transition between the strategy session at the Lazy-T Ranch and the hearings in the U.S. Capitol is visually engaging, but the abrupt cut to the hearings could be smoother. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that emphasizes the gravity of the situation before shifting to the caucus room.
  • While the dialogue is sharp and witty, some lines, particularly Trumbo's, could be more concise. For example, his response to the question about answering yes or no could be streamlined to maintain the scene's pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • The emotional tone shifts from a strategic discussion to a more serious confrontation in the hearings, but the transition could be more pronounced. Adding a moment of silence or a shared glance among the characters could heighten the emotional impact of the impending conflict.
  • Niki's presence in the strategy session is intriguing, but her role feels passive. Consider giving her a more active voice or a line that reflects her understanding of the situation, which would deepen her character and highlight the generational divide in their perspectives.
Suggestions
  • Enhance character differentiation by giving each character a unique way of speaking or specific phrases that reflect their personality and background.
  • Smooth the transition between the strategy session and the hearings by incorporating a visual or auditory cue that signifies the shift in tone and setting.
  • Streamline Trumbo's dialogue to maintain pacing and clarity, ensuring that his wit remains impactful without dragging the scene.
  • Add a moment of shared silence or a significant look among the characters before the cut to the hearings to emphasize the weight of the situation they are facing.
  • Empower Niki by providing her with a line that showcases her understanding or perspective on the situation, making her a more active participant in the scene.



Scene 12 -  Splashing Innocence and Philosophical Tension
EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - TERRACE/LAKE - DAY - BEFORE THE HEARINGS

Mitzi SPLASHES in the water with Chris as Cleo aims a large,
professional camera at them and snaps pictures.

Arlen Hird walks to a nearby tree, leans against it and stabs
a cigarette into his mouth. Trumbo walks up.

ARLEN HIRD
(sighs, beat)
Look, I can’t afford what you’re
talkin’ about... Supreme Court,
legal fees. My wife, it’s never
been great, but I raid our savings
for this? She’s gone, with both
boys.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 28.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO
I’ll cover you. Expenses, travel,
legal fees...

Hird is shocked by Trumbo’s casual generosity.

ARLEN HIRD
You don’t even like me.

DALTON TRUMBO
I like you fine, you don’t like me.

ARLEN HIRD
Also, I don’t trust you.

DALTON TRUMBO
I’d say “go on,” but I’m afraid you
will.

ARLEN HIRD
Look. I know what I am, okay? I
want this country to be a whole
new... everything. Top to bottom.
And if I get what I want? Nobody
gets their own lake.

DALTON TRUMBO
Seems a little grim.

ARLEN HIRD
For you, yeah. But not the guys
who built all this...
(the ranch, the lake)
...for you, their families,
friends. Which, remember, is kind
of the point. Them, not you. I
mean, if I’m wrong here, tell me,
but ever since I’ve known you, you
talk like a radical, live like a
rich guy --

DALTON TRUMBO
True.

ARLEN HIRD
-- ’n’ I don’t think if it gets
right down to it, you’re willing to
lose all this just to do what’s
right. Radical would, rich guy? I
don’t think so.

Trumbo watches his family in the sparkling light of his lake.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 29.
CONTINUED: (2)

DALTON TRUMBO
Am I “willing.” Hm.
(beat)
Well. I hate martyrs and will not
fight a lost cause, so you’re
right, I’m not willing to lose it
all -- I’m willing to risk it.
That’s why being the radical and
the rich guy is the perfect
combination. The radical may fight
with the purity of Jesus... but the
rich guy wins with the cunning of
Satan.

ARLEN HIRD
Y’know, the thing is, really?
You’re wrong about almost
everything and you never shut up.

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS (PRE-LAP)
No, no, no, no -- !

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary At Lazy-T Ranch, Mitzi and Chris enjoy a carefree day splashing in the water while Cleo captures their joy through photographs. Meanwhile, Arlen Hird confronts Dalton Trumbo about his financial struggles and expresses skepticism towards Trumbo's character and intentions. Their conversation evolves into a philosophical debate about the nature of radicalism versus wealth, with Hird accusing Trumbo of hypocrisy. Despite Trumbo's offer to cover Hird's legal fees and his defense of his willingness to sacrifice comforts for a cause, Hird remains critical. The scene juxtaposes the light-hearted play of the children with the serious undertones of adult conflict, ending abruptly as focus shifts to Congressman Thomas.
Strengths
  • Compelling dialogue
  • Character depth
  • Emotional resonance
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into the complex dynamics between Trumbo and Hird, revealing their contrasting ideologies and personal motivations. The dialogue is engaging and thought-provoking, offering insight into their characters and setting the stage for future conflicts and resolutions.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the ideological differences between Trumbo and Hird through a personal conversation is engaging and thought-provoking. It adds layers to their characters and sets the stage for future conflicts and resolutions within the narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the interaction between Trumbo and Hird, revealing their internal struggles and external challenges. The scene sets up potential conflicts and resolutions while deepening the audience's investment in the characters' journeys.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on themes of morality, power, and social change, offering a unique take on familiar conflicts. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling, adding to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Trumbo and Hird are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their conflicting beliefs and personal struggles. Their dynamic and nuanced portrayals add depth to the narrative and set the stage for future character arcs and developments.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the interaction between Trumbo and Hird sets the stage for potential growth and development in their beliefs and values. Their contrasting perspectives hint at future transformations and conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his sense of moral integrity and fight for what he believes is right, despite the personal sacrifices it may entail. This reflects his deeper desire for justice and societal change.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to convince Arlen Hird to join his cause and provide financial support for his legal battle. This goal reflects the immediate challenge of securing resources and allies for his fight against injustice.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Trumbo and Hird confront their differing perspectives on sacrifice and the greater good. While there is tension in their conversation, the conflict is more subtle and reflective, setting the stage for future external conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Arlen Hird challenging Dalton Trumbo's beliefs and motivations. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome of their conflict, adding to the scene's tension and drama.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderate, as Trumbo and Hird grapple with personal and ideological challenges that could impact their relationships and beliefs. While the immediate consequences are not dire, the scene sets up higher stakes for future conflicts.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters and their motivations. It sets up potential conflicts and resolutions while laying the groundwork for future plot developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' motivations and actions. The shifting power dynamics and moral dilemmas add a layer of uncertainty to the scene.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between idealism and pragmatism, as well as the tension between personal gain and societal progress. Arlen Hird challenges Dalton Trumbo's beliefs and motivations, forcing him to confront his own values and priorities.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, as the audience is drawn into the personal struggles and ideological differences of Trumbo and Hird. The moments of reflection and generosity add depth to the characters and evoke empathy from the viewers.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is engaging and impactful, revealing the contrasting perspectives of Trumbo and Hird while exploring themes of sacrifice, ideology, and personal values. The conversation is thought-provoking and sets the tone for future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, sharp dialogue, and thematic depth. The conflict and tension between the characters keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic confrontation between the characters. The rhythm and flow of the dialogue enhance the scene's impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-defined structure that effectively builds tension and conflict, leading to a dramatic confrontation between the characters. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the light-hearted family atmosphere with the serious undertones of Hird's financial struggles and ideological conflicts. This contrast adds depth to the narrative, highlighting the tension between personal comfort and political conviction.
  • Trumbo's dialogue is engaging and reflects his complex character, balancing his wealth with a desire for social change. However, the exchange could benefit from more emotional stakes. Hird's skepticism about Trumbo's willingness to sacrifice his comforts feels somewhat flat; adding more personal anecdotes or emotional weight could enhance the conflict.
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Hird is witty but can come off as overly expository at times. While it's important to convey their ideological differences, the conversation could be more organic. Consider incorporating subtext or actions that reveal their feelings rather than stating them outright.
  • The transition from the playful family scene to the serious discussion with Hird is abrupt. While this shift is thematically relevant, it could be smoother. A moment of reflection or a visual cue that emphasizes the change in tone would help the audience adjust to the shift in mood.
  • Hird's character is introduced with a strong sense of urgency regarding his financial situation, but the scene lacks a clear resolution or progression for him. It would be beneficial to show how this conversation impacts his decisions moving forward, perhaps by hinting at his next steps or internal conflict.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the emotional stakes by incorporating a backstory for Hird that explains his financial struggles and his relationship with Trumbo. This could create a more compelling reason for Hird's skepticism and distrust.
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a visual cue that emphasizes the transition from the light-hearted family scene to the serious discussion. This could be a close-up of Trumbo's face as he watches his family, reflecting on the weight of Hird's words.
  • Introduce more subtext in the dialogue. Instead of having Hird directly accuse Trumbo of hypocrisy, show it through their actions or reactions. For example, Hird could express his frustrations through a story about a friend who lost everything for their beliefs, prompting Trumbo to reflect on his own situation.
  • Explore Hird's character further by giving him a moment of vulnerability. Perhaps he could express a fear of losing his family or a desire for a better future for his children, which would make his radical views more relatable.
  • End the scene with a stronger emotional hook. Instead of abruptly cutting to Congressman Thomas, consider having Trumbo respond to Hird's accusations with a moment of introspection, leaving the audience with a lingering sense of tension and curiosity about his next move.



Scene 13 -  Defiance in the Caucus Room
INT. U.S. CAPITOL - CAUCUS ROOM - DAY - THE HEARINGS

Still in glorious color that reveals the face of Congressman
Thomas to be red as a blister as he POUNDS his gavel --

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
-- no, no, no, no, no, no!

-- like a four year old throwing a tantrum.

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS (CONT’D)
Are you now or have you ever been a
member of the Communist party?

DALTON TRUMBO
Mr. Stripling, may I read a
statement?

STRIPLING
No.

DALTON TRUMBO
May I present my writing?

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
No.

DALTON TRUMBO
May I -- ?


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 30.
CONTINUED:

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
No, no, no! Answer the question!

STRIPLING
Are you now or have you ever been a
member of the Communist Party?

DALTON TRUMBO
Have I been accused of a crime? If
so, what is it and where is your
evidence?

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
You’re not asking the questions!

DALTON TRUMBO
Well, I was.

STRIPLING
The witness will answer.

DALTON TRUMBO
I see. And then what would you
like? My voting record, union
membership, religion?

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
Answer the question!

DALTON TRUMBO
You believe this Committee has the
right to compel testimony, indict
opinion --

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
Typical Communist tactics!

DALTON TRUMBO
-- criminalize thought -- but that
right does not exist and the day it
does, God help us all.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a tense hearing at the U.S. Capitol's Caucus Room, Congressman Thomas aggressively interrogates Dalton Trumbo about his alleged Communist Party membership, refusing to allow Trumbo to present his defense. Trumbo stands firm, challenging the committee's authority and defending his rights, while Mr. Stripling echoes Thomas's demands. The confrontation highlights the conflict between aggressive questioning and the defense of fundamental freedoms, culminating in Trumbo's powerful assertion against the criminalization of thought, leaving the scene charged with unresolved tension.
Strengths
  • Powerful dialogue
  • Intense conflict
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited visual elements
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is powerful and impactful, capturing the essence of the character's beliefs and the political turmoil of the era with strong dialogue and conflict.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of standing up to political persecution and defending one's beliefs is central to the scene, driving the conflict and character dynamics.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly as Trumbo faces the Committee, setting the stage for further developments and highlighting the challenges he must overcome.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the theme of political persecution and individual rights, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the historical context.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters, especially Trumbo, are well-developed and their motivations and beliefs are clearly portrayed, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 9

Trumbo undergoes a subtle but significant change as he asserts his beliefs and challenges the Committee, showcasing his growth and determination.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his integrity and stand up for his beliefs in the face of unjust accusations and intimidation.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to defend himself against the accusations of Communist affiliation and navigate the hostile questioning from the committee members.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9.5

The conflict is intense and high-stakes, with Trumbo challenging the authority of the Committee and risking his reputation and freedom.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing difficult questions and challenges that create uncertainty and suspense.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high as Trumbo risks his reputation and freedom by defying the Committee, adding tension and urgency to the scene.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by highlighting the escalating conflict between Trumbo and the authorities, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and unexpected twists in the interrogation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's belief in individual rights and freedom of thought versus the committee's authoritarian tactics and suppression of dissent.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions, particularly admiration for Trumbo's courage and defiance in the face of injustice.

Dialogue: 9.5

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and drives the conflict forward, showcasing the ideological clash between Trumbo and the Committee.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, intense dialogue, and moral dilemma that keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a rhythmic back-and-forth between the characters that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene is clear and concise, following the expected format for a screenplay in this genre.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for a tense political drama, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the narrative.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension of the hearings, with Congressman Thomas's aggressive demeanor contrasting sharply with Trumbo's calm defiance. However, the dialogue could benefit from more variation in pacing and rhythm to enhance the emotional stakes. The repetitive structure of Trumbo's questions followed by 'no' responses from Thomas and Stripling creates a sense of monotony that could be broken up with more dynamic exchanges.
  • While the scene conveys the absurdity of the hearings, the characterization of Congressman Thomas as a 'four year old throwing a tantrum' feels somewhat clichéd. This description could be more nuanced to avoid reducing him to a caricature, allowing for a more complex portrayal that reflects the seriousness of the situation.
  • Trumbo's defiance is compelling, but the scene could delve deeper into his emotional state. Adding internal thoughts or a brief moment of vulnerability could enhance the audience's connection to him, making his resistance feel more impactful.
  • The transition from the previous scene to this one is abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the narrative flow, perhaps by incorporating a brief moment of reflection from Trumbo or a visual cue that emphasizes the gravity of the hearings.
  • The use of stage directions, such as 'like a four year old throwing a tantrum,' can be effective, but they should be used sparingly. Overly descriptive directions can detract from the dialogue and the actors' performances. Instead, focus on the emotional undertones of the dialogue and let the actors convey the physicality.
Suggestions
  • Consider varying the pacing of the dialogue to create more tension. For example, intersperse moments of silence or hesitation to heighten the stakes of Trumbo's responses.
  • Rework Congressman Thomas's characterization to add depth. Instead of portraying him as a tantrum-throwing child, explore his motivations and fears, which could make him a more formidable opponent.
  • Incorporate Trumbo's internal thoughts or feelings during the exchange to provide insight into his character and enhance audience empathy.
  • Create a more seamless transition from the previous scene by including a brief moment that reflects on the weight of the hearings, perhaps through Trumbo's perspective or a visual cue that emphasizes the shift in tone.
  • Limit the use of overly descriptive stage directions and focus on the emotional resonance of the dialogue, allowing the actors to interpret the physicality of the scene.



Scene 14 -  Laughter and Shadows
INT. U.S. CAPITOL - CAUCUS ROOM - DAY - THE HEARINGS

-- Arlen Hird is now on the stand.

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
Are you now or have you ever been a
member of the Communist party?




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 31.
CONTINUED:

ARLEN HIRD
Congressman, first I need to call
my doctor.

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
Your doctor? I don’t un --

ARLEN HIRD
To see if he can surgically remove
my conscience.

EXPLOSIVE LAUGHTER no amount of GAVELLING by Thomas can stop.
Trumbo sits beside Cleo in the gallery, delighted and
surprised. And our HEARING MONTAGE ENDS.

INT. U.S. CAPITOL - HALLWAY - DAY

Trumbo and Hird walk as Hird begins to COUGH, can’t stop.

DALTON TRUMBO
What? What is it?

ARLEN HIRD
Cancer.

DALTON TRUMBO
Jesus. How long’ve you known?

ARLEN HIRD
Couple months.

DALTON TRUMBO
Months? Are you being treated -- ?

ARLEN HIRD
I don’t like the options. It’s
lung cancer. Bad if they operate,
bad if they don’t.

DALTON TRUMBO
Is there anything I can do?

ARLEN HIRD
No! No. It’s cancer, Jesus.
(then)
Yes. Make sure this fuckin’ plan
of yours works.

CUT TO:
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 32.


A HEADLINE FROM NOVEMBER 24, 1947:

THE NEW YORK TIMES: “‘HOLLYWOOD 10’ CHARGED WITH CONTEMPT OF
CONGRESS”

Under that, a group photo of The Hollywood Ten, PUSHING IN ON
the grainy faces of Hird and Trumbo.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary During a congressional hearing, Arlen Hird uses humor to deflect aggressive questioning from Congressman Thomas about his past Communist party membership, eliciting laughter from the audience and surprising Dalton Trumbo. After the hearing, Hird confides in Trumbo about his lung cancer diagnosis, revealing the gravity of their situation and the personal struggles they face amidst the political turmoil.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Philosophical debates
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Heavy dialogue-driven

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is highly engaging, combining elements of defiance, philosophical introspection, and personal revelation to create a compelling narrative. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, driving the emotional and intellectual aspects of the scene effectively.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of challenging authority, exploring moral dilemmas, and facing personal struggles is effectively portrayed in the scene. The juxtaposition of the Congressional hearings and the personal revelation adds depth and complexity to the narrative.

Plot: 9

The plot advances significantly in this scene, as the characters confront the oppressive authority of the Congressional hearings and grapple with personal revelations. The stakes are raised, setting the stage for further conflict and character development.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh take on the McCarthy era by focusing on the personal struggles and moral dilemmas of the characters. The dialogue feels authentic and resonates with the historical context.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters are well-developed, with strong personalities and clear motivations. Their defiance, skepticism, and emotional struggles are portrayed convincingly, adding depth to the scene and driving the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional and moral changes in the scene, particularly Arlen Hird, who reveals his terminal illness and grapples with his beliefs and actions. This adds complexity and depth to the character arcs, driving the narrative forward.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain his integrity and conscience in the face of intense political pressure and scrutiny. This reflects his deeper need for personal authenticity and moral courage.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the dangerous political climate and protect himself and his colleagues from persecution. This reflects the immediate challenge of surviving in a hostile environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters confront the oppressive authority of the Congressional hearings and grapple with personal revelations. The defiance and moral dilemmas create tension and drive the emotional stakes.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing intense political pressure and personal challenges. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of the outcome.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters confront the oppressive authority of the Congressional hearings, grapple with personal revelations, and face moral dilemmas. The emotional and intellectual stakes are raised, adding tension and depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, as the characters confront the oppressive authority of the Congressional hearings, grapple with personal revelations, and face moral dilemmas. The stakes are raised, setting the stage for further conflict and character development.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected humor and twists in the dialogue. The characters' actions and reactions add layers of complexity to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between individual conscience and political conformity. The protagonist's refusal to compromise his beliefs clashes with the government's demand for loyalty and conformity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.2

The scene has a high emotional impact, as the characters face personal struggles, confront authority, and grapple with moral dilemmas. The revelation of Arlen Hird's illness adds poignancy and depth to the narrative, engaging the audience on an emotional level.

Dialogue: 9.5

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and thought-provoking, capturing the characters' defiance, skepticism, and philosophical debates effectively. It drives the emotional and intellectual aspects of the scene, enhancing the overall narrative.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its sharp dialogue, dramatic tension, and character dynamics. The conflict and stakes are clear, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions. The rhythm enhances the emotional impact of the dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting. The visual descriptions enhance the atmosphere and setting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a political drama, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the tension and drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension of the hearings and the absurdity of the situation through Arlen Hird's sarcastic remark. This moment of humor amidst the gravity of the hearings serves to highlight the defiance of the Hollywood Ten, making it a memorable and impactful moment.
  • The transition from the explosive laughter in the hearing to the somber conversation between Trumbo and Hird is well-executed. It juxtaposes the public spectacle of the hearings with the private, personal struggles of the characters, emphasizing the emotional weight of Hird's cancer diagnosis.
  • However, the dialogue in the second part of the scene could benefit from more emotional depth. While Hird's bluntness about his cancer is impactful, the exchange feels somewhat rushed. Expanding on their conversation could provide a more profound exploration of their friendship and the stakes involved in their fight against the blacklist.
  • The pacing of the scene shifts abruptly from the humor of the hearing to the serious revelation of Hird's illness. While this contrast is effective, it may leave the audience feeling disoriented. A smoother transition or a brief moment of reflection from Trumbo before the shift could enhance the emotional resonance.
  • The visual elements, such as the explosive laughter and the subsequent somber hallway conversation, are strong. However, incorporating more physical reactions from Trumbo during Hird's testimony could further illustrate his emotional journey, making the audience feel more connected to his character.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Trumbo after Hird's humorous remark, allowing him to process the absurdity of the situation before transitioning to the serious conversation about cancer.
  • Expand the dialogue between Trumbo and Hird regarding Hird's cancer diagnosis. This could include more emotional exchanges that reflect their friendship and the weight of their circumstances, deepening the audience's investment in their characters.
  • Introduce a brief pause or a visual cue after the laughter in the hearing before cutting to the hallway scene. This could help the audience transition from the humor to the gravity of Hird's situation more smoothly.
  • Incorporate more physical reactions from Trumbo during Hird's testimony, such as facial expressions or body language, to convey his emotional state and enhance the audience's connection to his character.
  • Consider using a voiceover or internal monologue from Trumbo during the hallway scene to provide insight into his thoughts and feelings about Hird's diagnosis, adding depth to the emotional stakes.



Scene 15 -  Tensions in Tinseltown
INT. MGM STUDIOS - LOUIS B. MAYER’S OFFICE - DAY

Other faces, in framed photos on a wall: CLARK GABLE, JUDY
GARLAND, FRED ASTAIRE, more. Being studied by Hedda Hopper.

Mayer enters, sees Hedda is focused on a group photo with a
row of SILENT STARS where, squeezed between RAMON NAVARRO and
GRETA GARBO, a younger Hedda stands alongside a boyish Mayer.

HEDDA HOPPER
Look at us. God, we thought we
knew everything...

LOUIS B. MAYER
We did.

HEDDA HOPPER
Not me.
(then)
I didn’t know how much I loved it
all, till I hit a certain birthday
and the parts started drying up. I
remember thinking, when you love
something and it stops loving you
back, what do you do...?

LOUIS B. MAYER
You fight.

HEDDA HOPPER
That’s a man’s answer.
(he concedes, waits)
You love it more. Till it
surrenders.

LOUIS B. MAYER
Well. You never left MGM. Or my
heart. How’s your boy? Still in
the Navy?

HEDDA HOPPER
First lieutenant.

LOUIS B. MAYER
You raised a real hero.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 33.
CONTINUED:

HEDDA HOPPER
Which is why I’d like to tell him
we’re doing as much for this
country as he is.
(then)
Are we?

LOUIS B. MAYER
It’s complicated. Trumbo, the
others, all have contracts...

HEDDA HOPPER
You helped build this business, so
did I, we’re not gonna watch these
pissants defile it --

LOUIS B. MAYER
I’m running a studio here, you
think I love every person on my
payroll? Grow up.

HEDDA HOPPER
Then how about I make crystal clear
to my thirty-five million readers
who runs Hollywood and won’t fire
these traitors? How about I name
names, real names? Like yours,
Lazar Meir; or Jack Warner, Jacob
Varner; Sam Goldwyn, Schmuel
Gelbfisz --

LOUIS B. MAYER
You watch what you say to me --

HEDDA HOPPER
No, you watch! This isn’t 1920!
I’m not your STARLET, you don’t
tell me what to do! Never, ever,
ever, ever, EVER AGAIN!

LOUIS B. MAYER
Enough, Hedda --

HEDDA HOPPER
Forty years ago, you’re starving in
some shtetl, the greatest country
on Earth takes you in, gives you
wealth, power and the second we
need you, you do nothing!
(then)
Just what my readers expect from a
business run by kikes.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 34.
CONTINUED: (2)

LOUIS B. MAYER
Get out.

She sits. Takes a cigarette out of her case. Lights it.
She blows a wall of smoke between them.

HEDDA HOPPER
Now listen, L.B. I’m fond of you.
Some of my happiest years were
spent on this lot.
(then)
Not in your office, of course, you
always trying to fuck me on the couch,
me maintaining my virtue. Barely.
(lightly)
But... times change. Now I’ll
happily fuck you.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In Louis B. Mayer's office at MGM Studios, Hedda Hopper confronts Mayer about the state of Hollywood and her feelings of betrayal, leading to a heated argument over the industry's response to the Hollywood Ten. Despite Mayer's defensive stance, Hedda asserts her influence and threatens to expose him if he does not take action. The conversation is charged with nostalgia and flirtation, highlighting their complicated relationship, but ultimately ends without resolution as Hedda makes a bold statement about their past.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potentially offensive language
  • Lack of resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-written, intense, and emotionally charged, with strong character dynamics and a significant turning point in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around power struggles, personal history, and the clash of ideologies in Hollywood during a tumultuous period.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene advances the story by introducing key conflicts, character motivations, and setting the stage for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era, with authentic character interactions and a nuanced exploration of power dynamics and morality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with complex motivations, conflicting loyalties, and strong emotional arcs that drive the narrative forward.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle changes in their relationships, beliefs, and motivations, setting the stage for future character development.

Internal Goal: 9

Hedda Hopper's internal goal is to assert her power and influence in Hollywood, despite facing ageism and diminishing opportunities. This reflects her deeper need for validation and respect in a male-dominated industry.

External Goal: 8

Hedda Hopper's external goal is to challenge Louis B. Mayer's authority and protect Hollywood from what she perceives as traitors. This reflects the immediate circumstances of the blacklist era and the political tensions of the time.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, with high stakes, emotional confrontations, and deep-seated tensions between the characters.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and power struggles driving the conflict between the characters, creating uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with personal reputations, power dynamics, and moral values on the line for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing key conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting up future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics and unexpected emotional revelations, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around power, loyalty, and morality. Hedda Hopper's belief in exposing traitors clashes with Louis B. Mayer's pragmatic approach to running a studio and protecting his business interests.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking strong feelings of tension, anger, and reflection in both the characters and the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and emotionally charged, effectively conveying the tensions between the characters and their conflicting viewpoints.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intense dialogue, historical context, and the power struggle between the characters, keeping the audience invested in the conflict.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, allowing for impactful character interactions and revelations.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format for dialogue-heavy scenes, allowing for clear character interactions and emotional beats.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven confrontation in a historical drama, effectively building tension and revealing character motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Hedda Hopper and Louis B. Mayer, showcasing their complex relationship and the stakes involved in the Hollywood blacklist era. However, the dialogue can feel a bit expository at times, particularly when discussing their past and the current situation. While it's important to convey the history and context, it may benefit from more subtlety and nuance to avoid feeling overly on-the-nose.
  • Hedda's character is strong and assertive, but her motivations could be clearer. While she expresses a desire to protect her son and the industry, the transition from personal to political feels abrupt. A deeper exploration of her emotional state regarding her son's service and her own fading career could add layers to her character and make her threats more impactful.
  • The use of humor in Hedda's final line about 'happily fuck you' is jarring and may undermine the gravity of the preceding argument. While it showcases her character's boldness, it risks trivializing the serious themes of loyalty and betrayal that are central to the scene. Balancing humor with the weight of the conversation is crucial to maintain the scene's emotional integrity.
  • The pacing of the scene could be improved. The dialogue is rapid-fire, which can create a sense of urgency, but it may also lead to confusion for the audience. Allowing for moments of silence or reaction shots could enhance the tension and give the audience time to absorb the stakes of the conversation.
  • The visual elements, such as the framed photos of Hollywood stars, serve as a nice backdrop, but they could be more thematically tied to the dialogue. For instance, referencing specific stars or films in relation to their conversation could deepen the connection between the characters' pasts and their current dilemmas.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue, allowing characters to imply their feelings rather than stating them outright. This can create a more engaging and layered conversation.
  • Explore Hedda's emotional conflict regarding her son and her career more deeply. Perhaps include a moment where she reflects on her past successes and current fears, making her motivations clearer.
  • Reassess the use of humor in the final line. If humor is essential, ensure it aligns with the scene's tone and doesn't detract from the serious nature of the discussion.
  • Incorporate pauses or reactions between lines to enhance the tension and give the audience a moment to process the implications of their words.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by tying the framed photos of stars to the dialogue. For example, referencing a specific film or star could serve as a metaphor for their current situation, enriching the narrative.



Scene 16 -  Sacrifice and Solidarity
EXT. MGM STUDIOS - LOUIS B. MAYER’S OFFICE - DAY

Black & white NEWSREEL, created by us, of Mayer, flanked by all
the other studio heads, reading a press statement to camera:

LOUIS B. MAYER
Forthwith, all studios unanimously
agree to discharge the Hollywood
Ten. Without compensation.
Effective immediately.
(then)
Further, no studio will ever employ
a member of the Communist Party or
anyone refusing to cooperate in our
mighty struggle against this
terrible new menace.

INT. HEDDA HOPPER’S OFFICE - DAY

Hedda reads her copy into a large microphone.

HEDDA HOPPER
He’s been loved by film fans for
almost twenty years. But have you
noticed? He hasn’t been on-screen
much lately. Bad box office? No.
Bad politics. Bad news indeed.
For Mr. Edward G. Robinson.

INT. EDWARD G. ROBINSON’S MANSION - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Robinson addresses a small GROUP, many of whom would rather
not be here.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 35.
CONTINUED:

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
The Hollywood Ten’s going to court
for all of us. It’ll be long,
expensive. So please, give as much
as you can to the defense fund.

SAME SCENE - LATER

The gathering has thinned. Trumbo studies Robinson’s
Impressionist paintings. Robinson wanders over with Cleo.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
This little gathering doesn’t quite
have the zip and zing of yesteryear,
does it?

CLEO
Where’re all the liberals all of a
sudden?

DALTON TRUMBO
At their lawyers’. Or
psychiatrists’.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Likely both. Anyway...
(hands Trumbo a check)
...for the defense fund.

DALTON TRUMBO
(hesitates)
You working again?

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Eh. It’s a little slow.
(to Trumbo)
I’ll be fine, kid, take it.

Trumbo does, reluctantly, then:

DALTON TRUMBO
You sold one.

Cleo looks at the wall and sees a discolored space. There
were six paintings; now only five.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
The Renoir. I got a good price.

Trumbo is moved beyond words -- a rare occurrence.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 36.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO
Eddie, I...
(overcome)
...well... I...

CLEO
What he’s trying to say is, he
loves you.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
(to Cleo)
I love him, too, the warty son of a
bitch.
(then, to Trumbo)
Oh and I got a great offer on the
Monet, if you want to bribe the
jury.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In a poignant scene, Louis B. Mayer announces the discharge of the Hollywood Ten, highlighting the political tensions in Hollywood. Hedda Hopper comments on Edward G. Robinson's declining screen presence due to his political stance. At Robinson's mansion, he gathers friends to support the Hollywood Ten's defense fund, sharing a heartfelt moment with Dalton Trumbo as he hands over a check despite his own financial struggles. Their exchange underscores their deep friendship amidst adversity, ending on a lighter note with Robinson's humorous remark about selling a Monet to influence the jury.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Poignant dialogue
  • Authentic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Reliance on dialogue for emotional impact

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional depth of the characters and the weight of the situation they are facing. The dialogue is poignant, and the conflict is palpable, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the personal and professional repercussions of the Hollywood blacklist era is engaging and thought-provoking. The scene effectively delves into the characters' internal struggles and external conflicts.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around the characters' reactions to the Hollywood Ten's defense fund and the personal sacrifices they are willing to make. The tension and emotional stakes drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the McCarthy era by focusing on personal relationships and moral dilemmas rather than just political intrigue. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, particularly Dalton Trumbo and Edward G. Robinson, are well-developed and showcase depth, loyalty, and conflicting emotions. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and authenticity.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, particularly Arlen Hird, undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, grappling with personal struggles, sacrifices, and the weight of their decisions. These changes add depth and complexity to the character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the political and personal challenges of the McCarthy era while maintaining his integrity and relationships.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to raise funds for the defense of the Hollywood Ten and navigate the changing landscape of Hollywood politics.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as the characters grapple with personal sacrifices, loyalty, and the consequences of their actions. The emotional conflict drives the narrative and engages the audience.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the protagonist's internal struggles and the external pressures of the McCarthy era, creating a compelling conflict for the audience.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters confront the repercussions of their actions, the threat of persecution, and the personal sacrifices they must make to defend their beliefs. The outcome of the Hollywood Ten's defense fund has far-reaching consequences.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the characters' motivations, relationships, and the challenges they face during the Hollywood blacklist era. It sets the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between characters and the unexpected emotional revelations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between loyalty to friends and principles versus self-preservation and career advancement. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs in justice and loyalty.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting empathy and connection with the characters' struggles. The raw emotions, sacrifices, and loyalty portrayed resonate with the audience and evoke a strong emotional response.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is impactful, reflecting the characters' inner turmoil, loyalty, and resilience. The exchanges between Trumbo, Robinson, and Cleo are poignant and reveal insights into their relationships.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes, sharp dialogue, and moral complexity of the characters' choices.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension and emotional resonance, leading to a satisfying payoff in the character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard screenplay formatting conventions, making it easy to read and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for character-driven drama, with clear setups and payoffs for the protagonist's goals and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of the Hollywood Ten's situation through the juxtaposition of the newsreel and the personal interactions among the characters. The use of black-and-white newsreel footage adds a historical authenticity that grounds the narrative in its time period.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reveals character dynamics well, particularly the camaraderie between Trumbo and Robinson. However, some lines could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional resonance. For instance, Trumbo's hesitation before accepting the check could be expanded to show more of his internal conflict regarding accepting help from a friend in need.
  • The transition between the newsreel and the intimate setting of Robinson's mansion is smooth, but the pacing could be tightened. The scene feels slightly disjointed as it shifts from the public declaration of the studios to the private gathering. A more gradual transition could enhance the flow.
  • Robinson's character is well-developed through his actions and dialogue, but the scene could further explore his emotional state regarding the sale of his painting. Adding a moment of reflection or a brief flashback could provide insight into his sacrifices and the weight of his decisions.
  • Cleo's role in the scene is somewhat passive. While she provides a necessary emotional anchor, giving her a more active role in the conversation could enhance her character's depth and agency. Perhaps she could challenge Trumbo's reluctance or express her own concerns about their situation.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Trumbo reflects on the implications of Robinson's sacrifice, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that highlights his emotional struggle.
  • Enhance the dialogue with subtext that reveals deeper feelings. For example, when Trumbo hesitates to accept the check, he could express a fear of burdening Robinson further, which would add complexity to their friendship.
  • Tighten the pacing by ensuring that transitions between the newsreel and the personal scenes are more fluid. You could use a visual motif or sound cue that links the two settings more cohesively.
  • Explore Robinson's emotional state further by including a moment where he reflects on the painting's significance or shares a memory associated with it, deepening the audience's understanding of his character.
  • Give Cleo a more active role in the conversation, allowing her to voice her concerns or challenge Trumbo's reluctance to accept help, which would add layers to her character and the family dynamic.



Scene 17 -  Verdict and Resilience
INT. THIS SAME WASHINGTON, D.C. COURTHOUSE - DAYS LATER

As the JURY FOREMAN reads:

JURY FOREMAN
In the matter of the United States
versus Dalton Trumbo...

Trumbo stands at the bar, next to attorney Robert Kenny.

JURY FOREMAN (CONT’D)
...we find the defendant guilty of
contempt of Congress.

He was ready for this, but the reality hits hard. His eyes
betray just a flicker of agony. Then, aware of all the
stares, his battler’s armored visage returns.

INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. COURTHOUSE - CORRIDOR - DAY

Trumbo and Kenny exit the courtroom in a river of COURT FOLK.

DALTON TRUMBO
I have total contempt for Congress,
I just thought a jury’d see why.

INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. COURTHOUSE - HALLWAY - DAY

Trumbo and Kenny fight their way through the clinging PRESS.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 37.
CONTINUED:

ROBERT KENNY
(to Reporters)
The Supreme Court will drop kick
this verdict into speeding traffic
and end the most shameful chapter
of Congressional history I ever
want to live through.

INT. WASHINGTON, D.C. COURTHOUSE - STAIRCASE - MOMENTS LATER

Trumbo and Kenny.

ROBERT KENNY
How’re you doing for money?

DALTON TRUMBO
Broke as a bankrupt’s bastard.
Why?

ROBERT KENNY
You owe me thirty-thousand dollars.
The appeal’s gonna be twice that.

DALTON TRUMBO
Well, better get to work.

ROBERT KENNY
Doing what?

INT. LAZY-T RANCH - STUDY - DAY

Trumbo writes furiously on his typewriter. The sounds of
LAUGHTER pierce his CLATTER. He looks up at the window, then
rises, crossing to it.

AT THE WINDOW - TRUMBO SEES

Cleo on the driveway, where a ping-pong table’s been set up.
She’s teaching Niki, 4-year-old Mitzi and Chris how to play
the game. There is much GIGGLING amid the missed shots.

TRUMBO WATCHES,

Silently separated from his family by the sheet of glass.
Then he has to let the curtain drop back across the window.
Back to it.

EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - NIGHT

One light on. Trumbo’s study.
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 38.


INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

Arlen Hird lies in a weakened, post-surgery stupor. His eyes
open and he sees Trumbo setting down some flowers.

DALTON TRUMBO
How are you?

ARLEN HIRD
Breathin’. With one lung. Which
is half as good as two. How bad’re
things out there?

DALTON TRUMBO
Everybody envies you.

Hird looks around the pleasant, private room.

ARLEN HIRD
Why not. Got the best room in the
joint. You oughta know, you paid
for it.
(then, woozy)
Thanks. By the way.

Trumbo smiles at Hird, whose eyes flutter shut.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In a Washington, D.C. courthouse, Dalton Trumbo receives a guilty verdict for contempt of Congress, momentarily shaken but quickly regaining his composure. Outside the courtroom, he expresses his disdain for Congress to his attorney, Robert Kenny, who reminds him of his financial troubles regarding an appeal. The scene shifts to Trumbo at his ranch, feeling isolated as he watches his family play ping-pong. Later, he visits his friend Arlen Hird in the hospital, where they share a light-hearted exchange, highlighting their friendship amidst their struggles.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Resilient characters
  • Sharp dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some scenes may feel disconnected from the main plot

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and resilience of the characters, setting up the conflict and stakes for the upcoming events. The dialogue is sharp and reflective, adding depth to the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of Trumbo's trial and the impact on his relationships is compelling. The scene effectively sets up the themes of resilience and defiance.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by showing the aftermath of Trumbo's trial and the emotional impact on the characters. It sets up the conflict and stakes for the upcoming events.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on historical events and characters, presenting authentic dialogue and emotional authenticity in the face of adversity.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Trumbo's resilience and Hird's health struggles adding depth to the scene. The emotional impact of their interactions is powerful.

Character Changes: 8

Trumbo shows resilience and defiance in the face of adversity, while Hird's health struggles add a layer of vulnerability to his character.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal is to maintain his composure and resilience in the face of adversity, as seen in his initial reaction to the guilty verdict and his subsequent interactions with his attorney and family.

External Goal: 7

Trumbo's external goal is to appeal the guilty verdict and navigate the financial challenges associated with the legal battle.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene is internal, as Trumbo grapples with the verdict of contempt of Congress and Hird faces his health struggles. The emotional stakes are high.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with legal challenges, financial burdens, and personal conflicts adding layers of complexity to Trumbo's journey.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high, as Trumbo faces the verdict of contempt of Congress and Hird grapples with his health struggles. The emotional impact adds depth to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up the conflict and stakes for the upcoming events, showcasing the aftermath of Trumbo's trial and the impact on the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its character interactions and outcomes, adding tension and suspense to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between individual beliefs and government authority, as Trumbo expresses his contempt for Congress and the legal system.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, as it delves into Trumbo's resilience and Hird's health struggles. The bittersweet and hopeful sentiments add depth to the characters.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, reflective, and sarcastic, adding depth to the characters and highlighting their emotional struggles. It effectively conveys the characters' resilience and defiance.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its emotional depth, character dynamics, and high stakes of the legal battle, keeping the audience invested in Trumbo's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, moving between locations and character interactions with a sense of urgency.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to industry standards for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a legal drama, with clear transitions between locations and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Trumbo's guilty verdict, showcasing his initial flicker of agony followed by a return to his armored demeanor. This contrast highlights the internal struggle of a man facing significant personal and professional consequences, which is compelling.
  • The dialogue is sharp and reflects the characters' personalities well. Trumbo's contempt for Congress is evident in his line, 'I have total contempt for Congress, I just thought a jury’d see why.' This line encapsulates his defiance and frustration, making it memorable.
  • The transition from the courtroom to the Lazy-T Ranch is visually and thematically effective, contrasting Trumbo's isolation in the courtroom with the warmth and laughter of his family. This juxtaposition emphasizes his emotional distance from his loved ones due to his political struggles.
  • However, the pacing feels slightly rushed, particularly in the transition from the courtroom to the ranch. The emotional impact could be heightened by allowing more time for Trumbo's reaction to the verdict before cutting to the next scene.
  • The hospital scene with Arlen Hird adds depth to the narrative, but it could benefit from more emotional resonance. Hird's condition is serious, yet the dialogue remains somewhat light-hearted. Balancing humor with the gravity of his situation could enhance the scene's emotional weight.
Suggestions
  • Consider extending the moment after the verdict is read to allow Trumbo's emotional response to linger. This could involve a brief internal monologue or a visual representation of his thoughts before he exits the courtroom.
  • Incorporate more physical reactions from Trumbo as he processes the verdict. Subtle gestures or expressions can convey his internal conflict more powerfully than dialogue alone.
  • Enhance the hospital scene by introducing a moment of vulnerability between Trumbo and Hird. Perhaps Hird could express his fears about the future, prompting a more serious response from Trumbo that reflects their shared struggles.
  • Explore the use of sound design in the transition from the courtroom to the ranch. The contrast between the sterile, echoing courtroom and the lively sounds of laughter from the ranch could be emphasized to heighten the emotional impact.
  • Consider adding a visual motif that represents Trumbo's isolation, such as a close-up of the glass window separating him from his family, to reinforce the theme of separation and longing throughout the scene.



Scene 18 -  Toast of Tension
INT. A MODERN BUILDING - ENTRY - DAY

BUDDY ROSS (PRE-LAP)
Mayer’s a dinosaur...

Over the streamlined entrance, a steel-sculpted banner: ROSS
INTERNATIONAL PICTURES.

BUDDY ROSS (PRE-LAP) (CONT’D)
...they all are, extinct and don’t
even know it.

INT. ROSS INTERNATIONAL - BUDDY’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Enormous and pristine.

BUDDY ROSS
Let’s see now, to, uh...

Buddy, Trumbo and other MOVIE-INDUSTRY COMPATRIOTS raise
champagne glasses in the winter of 1948.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 39.
CONTINUED:

BUDDY ROSS (CONT’D)
...to no more MGM, no more Mayer, I
am strictly independent, got cans
of film, wads of Wall Street dough
and my favorite boss -- me!
(all CHUCKLE, CLINK, sip,
then to Trumbo)
And you, you crazy son of a bitch,
are gonna write all my movies, once
this Washington crap clears up.

A throat is CLEARED. Trumbo is a bit more pensive than we’ve
seen him.

DALTON TRUMBO
And how’ll that happen?

BUDDY ROSS
Hey. I’m not political. Thank
Jesus. But if they called me in,
accused me? I’d just say, yep, did
it, sorry, didn’t mean it.

Trumbo nods, willing to move on. But somehow just can’t help
himself.

DALTON TRUMBO
(evenly)
So Congress asks, “Are you now or
have you ever been a Democrat...?”

BUDDY ROSS
“I am... and God, I just feel awful
about it, never again...”

DALTON TRUMBO
But now they want the names of
other Democrats.
(points at random MEN)
Bill... Stan... Earl... Nat.

BUDDY ROSS
Then I say go to hell.

DALTON TRUMBO
Really. And how many banks fund
enemies of the state? Your money’s
gone. Unless you give the names of
your friends here. They’ll never
work again. But it’s the only way
you ever will.
(then)
(MORE)


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 40.
CONTINUED: (2)
DALTON TRUMBO (CONT'D)
We’re all friends here, we all know
each other... we hope. What would
you do, Buddy?

Buddy stares, chilled. Silence. Then --

BUDDY ROSS
Piss on the best day of a guy’s
life! Only you!

BIG LAUGHS all around. But from those four men Trumbo
singled out, nervous ones. And from Trumbo, not so much as a
smile.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In Buddy Ross's modern office, he celebrates his independence from the old Hollywood guard with a toast, expressing optimism for the future of independent filmmaking. However, Dalton Trumbo voices concerns about the political dangers they face, questioning Buddy's response to potential Congressional inquiries about their affiliations. While Buddy attempts to lighten the mood with humor, Trumbo's serious remarks reveal the underlying anxiety among the group. The scene ends with laughter, but Trumbo's demeanor underscores the unresolved tension regarding their political situation.
Strengths
  • Nuanced character interactions
  • Exploration of moral dilemmas
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of visual action
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into the complexities of loyalty, integrity, and self-preservation in the face of political persecution, creating a tense and reflective atmosphere.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the ethical choices and consequences of loyalty in a politically charged environment is thought-provoking and engaging.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on character interactions and moral dilemmas, driving the narrative forward through internal conflicts and ethical debates.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era by focusing on the personal and moral dilemmas faced by individuals in the industry. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and conflicting motivations that add depth to the scene. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotional resonance.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle shifts in their beliefs and loyalties, reflecting the internal turmoil and moral dilemmas they face.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his independence and power in the face of political pressure. This reflects his desire for control and autonomy in his career and personal life.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the political landscape of Hollywood and protect his friends and colleagues from potential repercussions. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing personal loyalty with self-preservation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, focusing on the characters' moral struggles and the tension between personal beliefs and external pressures.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult moral choices and political pressure that challenge their beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as the characters grapple with the consequences of their actions and decisions in a politically charged and hostile environment.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the character dynamics and setting up future conflicts and resolutions within the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' shifting allegiances and moral choices, creating suspense and uncertainty for the audience.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing approaches to political pressure and loyalty. Buddy Ross prioritizes self-preservation and independence, while Trumbo emphasizes loyalty and solidarity with his friends.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response through its exploration of loyalty, betrayal, and moral complexity, drawing the audience into the characters' internal conflicts.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, engaging, and reveals the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters effectively. It drives the scene forward and enhances the tension.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, tension, and moral dilemmas, keeping the audience invested in the characters' choices and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing dialogue, action, and tension, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' choices.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions. The formatting enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between the desire for independence in the film industry and the looming threat of political repercussions. Buddy Ross's bravado contrasts sharply with Trumbo's more serious demeanor, highlighting the differing attitudes towards the political climate. However, the humor in Buddy's dialogue feels somewhat forced and may detract from the gravity of the situation. The laughter from the group, especially after Trumbo's serious remarks, undermines the tension and could confuse the audience about the scene's emotional stakes.
  • Trumbo's character is well-established as someone who is deeply aware of the implications of the political climate, but the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety. Instead of directly stating the stakes, consider using subtext to convey Trumbo's concerns. This would allow the audience to infer the seriousness of the situation without it being explicitly stated, making the dialogue feel more natural and engaging.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The transition from the light-hearted toast to the serious discussion about political affiliations is abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene and maintain the audience's engagement. Consider adding a moment of silence or a visual cue that indicates the shift in tone before Trumbo's serious remarks.
  • The visual elements, such as the pristine office and the champagne toast, effectively set the scene's tone. However, incorporating more sensory details could enhance the atmosphere. Describing the sounds of clinking glasses, the ambiance of the office, or the expressions on the characters' faces could create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • The ending of the scene, with Trumbo's serious remarks leading to nervous laughter, is a strong moment that emphasizes the tension. However, it could be more impactful if it were followed by a brief moment of silence or a shift in focus to Trumbo's expression, allowing the audience to fully absorb the weight of his words before the scene ends.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising Buddy's dialogue to incorporate more subtext, allowing Trumbo's concerns to emerge through the conversation rather than being explicitly stated.
  • Add a moment of silence or a visual cue to indicate the shift in tone from humor to seriousness, enhancing the emotional impact of Trumbo's remarks.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to create a richer atmosphere, such as describing the sounds and sights of the office during the toast.
  • Explore the use of body language and facial expressions to convey the characters' emotions, particularly Trumbo's seriousness and the nervousness of the others, to enhance the scene's tension.
  • Consider ending the scene with a lingering shot on Trumbo's face after his serious remarks, allowing the audience to fully absorb the implications of his words before transitioning to the next scene.



Scene 19 -  The Price of a Name
INT. LAZY-T RANCH - STUDY - NIGHT

Trumbo hard at the keys, surrounded by full ashtrays, piles
of typescript and a half-empty scotch bottle. He pauses to
shift in his seat and twist his aching back.

INT. LAZY-T RANCH - LIVING ROOM - DAWN

He lies on the couch, scotch on his chest, pillow under his
back, scribbling on typed copy, still in some pain. Niki,
almost 11 now, walks in wearing her nightgown.

DALTON TRUMBO
Morning, Nikola.

NIKI
I thought you weren’t allowed to
write anymore.

DALTON TRUMBO
No. Just can’t put my name on it
or get paid.

NIKI
How’s that work?

INT. DINER - DOWNTOWN L.A. - DAY

Niki eats a sundae, watching Trumbo and Hunter as the latter
thumbs a dog-eared screenplay with scribbles on many pages
and bold handwriting on the cover.

DALTON TRUMBO
Well?

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
(the script)
It’s funny, breezy, romantic.
(MORE)


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 41.
CONTINUED:
IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER (CONT'D)
(then, sarcastically)
Who the hell wrote it?

DALTON TRUMBO
You did, old boy. Stick your name
on my labor, hand it in to your
studio and --

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
Look, it’s just dumb luck I wasn’t
subpoenaed. The hearings’re gonna
start up again soon, I’m gonna get
called and canned...

DALTON TRUMBO
Then quick, lad, let’s sell this
little beauty and split the take,
fifty-fifty.

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
Ridiculous. I’ll take ten percent.

DALTON TRUMBO
You’ll take twenty. No, thirty.
That’s my final offer.

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
You are the worst businessman,
ever.
(then)
I hate the title.

NIKI
Me too.

She gets a sharp look from her father that drives her back to
her ice cream.

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
I mean, The Princess and the
Peasant...
(scribbling on the cover)
...sounds like a puppet show.

DALTON TRUMBO
(shrugs)
Change it.

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
I did.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 42.
CONTINUED: (2)

He slides the script across the table to Trumbo, its new
title atop the cover page’s handwritten notes, in bold felt
and circled. Trumbo’s distaste for it is immediate.

DALTON TRUMBO
Now, who the hell’s going to go see
a movie called Roman Holiday?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Dalton Trumbo struggles with writing in his cluttered study at the Lazy-T Ranch, battling physical pain and the constraints of his blacklist status. His daughter Niki innocently questions his writing situation, while Trumbo negotiates with Ian McLellan Hunter in a diner about a screenplay they are collaborating on under Hunter's name. They discuss the title, which is reluctantly changed to 'Roman Holiday,' much to Trumbo's disapproval. The scene captures Trumbo's determination amidst frustration, highlighting the absurdities of the film industry.
Strengths
  • Character development
  • Dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some repetitive elements in dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines humor, drama, and character development. It provides insight into Trumbo's personal and professional challenges while maintaining a balanced tone.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring Trumbo's creative process, family life, and political turmoil is compelling. The scene effectively blends personal and professional elements to create a rich narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through Trumbo's interactions with his daughter, friend, and the screenplay. It sets up future conflicts and developments while providing depth to the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the Hollywood industry and the challenges faced by writers during the McCarthy era. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the overall originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Trumbo, Niki, and Hunter, are well-developed and engaging. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and emotion, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Trumbo experiences subtle changes in his perspective and priorities, especially regarding his work and family. The scene sets the foundation for potential character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to continue writing despite the challenges he faces, reflecting his passion for his craft and his determination to overcome obstacles.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to collaborate with another writer to sell a screenplay and split the profits, reflecting his need for financial stability and creative recognition.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict is primarily internal, focusing on Trumbo's creative struggles, financial worries, and emotional turmoil. It sets the stage for future external conflicts.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the characters' interactions. The audience is left wondering how the characters will resolve their differences.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Trumbo, both professionally and personally, as he navigates the blacklist and its repercussions. The scene hints at the challenges ahead for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key relationships, conflicts, and themes. It sets up future developments and challenges for the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics between the characters and the unexpected twists in their negotiations. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around artistic integrity versus commercial success. Trumbo wants to maintain his creative vision, while Hunter is more concerned about financial gain and avoiding political repercussions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from humor to empathy, as it delves into Trumbo's personal and professional challenges. It resonates with the audience on a human level.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, witty, and reflective of the characters' personalities. It enhances the scene's tone and themes while driving the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, witty dialogue, and underlying tension. The audience is drawn into the conflict and invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining audience interest. The rhythm of the dialogue and action sequences keeps the scene engaging and dynamic.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize for readers.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and well-paced dialogue sequences.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and struggle of Trumbo's situation, showcasing his determination to write despite the constraints of the blacklist. However, the transition from the study to the diner could be smoother; the abrupt shift in setting may confuse the audience. Consider adding a visual or narrative bridge to connect these locations more fluidly.
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Hunter is engaging and highlights their relationship, but it could benefit from more subtext. While they discuss the screenplay, there’s an opportunity to deepen their dynamic by incorporating hints of their personal stakes in the project, especially given the political context. This would add layers to their conversation and make it more impactful.
  • Niki's presence in the scene is a nice touch, providing a glimpse into Trumbo's family life. However, her dialogue feels somewhat disconnected from the main conversation about the screenplay. To enhance her role, consider giving her a more active part in the discussion, perhaps by expressing her own opinions about the title or the writing process, which would also reflect her growing awareness of her father's struggles.
  • The humor in the scene is effective, particularly in the banter about the title of the screenplay. However, the comedic elements could be balanced with more serious undertones to reflect the gravity of Trumbo's situation. This would create a richer emotional landscape, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his circumstances while still enjoying the lighter moments.
  • The final line about the title 'Roman Holiday' feels abrupt and lacks a strong emotional punch. It would be beneficial to end the scene with a line that encapsulates Trumbo's frustration or determination, reinforcing his character's resilience in the face of adversity.
Suggestions
  • Add a visual transition or a brief narrative device to connect the study and diner scenes, enhancing the flow of the screenplay.
  • Incorporate subtext into the dialogue between Trumbo and Hunter, revealing their personal stakes and the impact of the blacklist on their collaboration.
  • Give Niki a more active role in the conversation about the screenplay, allowing her to express her thoughts and feelings, which would deepen her character and connection to Trumbo.
  • Balance the humor with more serious undertones to reflect the gravity of Trumbo's situation, creating a richer emotional experience for the audience.
  • Revise the final line to provide a stronger emotional impact, encapsulating Trumbo's frustration or determination, thereby leaving the audience with a resonant feeling as the scene concludes.



Scene 20 -  Legislation and Loss
INT. U.S. CAPITOL - ROTUNDA - DAY

Congressman Thomas moves with a small CLUSTER of many of the
same REPORTERS from Scene 30, all now his acolytes --

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
...I’m going to introduce
legislation so in the event of
national emergency, all Communists
will be sent to internment camps...

REPORTER 2
Does the president support this?

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
He’d better.

Stripling now appears at Thomas’ shoulder, WHISPERS in his
ear as he shows him a sheaf of monetary columns.

Both Stripling’s hushed, unheard words and the document’s top
sheet get Thomas’ full attention.

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS (CONT’D)
(to the Reporters)
Excuse me, gentleman.

He and Stripling peel off, away from the Reporters.

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS (CONT’D)
I’ve told you, Bob, these are
legitimate, salaried employees from
my home state --

STRIPLING
What you didn’t tell me is, every
one of them is a relative.

CONGRESSMAN THOMAS
Which is completely legal.

STRIPLING
Except none of them have paid
taxes.
(as Thomas tries to explain)
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 43.
CONTINUED:
STRIPLING (CONT'D)
Don’t say anything else without a
lawyer.

EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - DAY

Cleo gets out of her car, carrying mail and The L.A. Times.
She walks past a half-finished addition, abandoned at
framing. She scans the front page of the paper.

CLEO
(suddenly shaken)
...no...

JEFF, their contractor, sun-baked, 30s, has been waiting.

JEFF THE CONTRACTOR
Mrs. Trumbo? Ma’am, I gotta get
paid.

She looks up, truly at a loss.

JEFF THE CONTRACTOR (CONT’D)
Please, I got men with families.

CLEO
Jeff. We owe everyone. But my
husband can’t get work.

Before Jeff can respond, Trumbo speeds up in his car and
skids to a stop and bounds out with two bottles of champagne.

DALTON TRUMBO
(ecstatic once again)
We’re rich!

INT. LAZY-T RANCH - KITCHEN - DAY

Trumbo signs a check with a flourish and hands it to Jeff.

JEFF THE CONTRACTOR
Thanks. You sure lead exciting
lives. Boy.

He pockets it as Trumbo reaches for the champagne.

DALTON TRUMBO
It sold, Cleo, Roman Holiday,
Paramount, credited to our dear
Hunter and what, what’s the matter?

CLEO
Justice Rutledge died.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 44.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO
No, Justice Murphy, last --

CLEO
And Rutledge. This morning.

She hands him the Times. As he reads, she holds him.
Genres: ["Drama","Political"]

Summary In the U.S. Capitol Rotunda, Congressman Thomas asserts his plan for Communist internment legislation, facing scrutiny from his aide Stripling over questionable hiring practices. The scene shifts to Cleo at the Lazy-T Ranch, where she grapples with financial struggles and the distressing news of Justice Rutledge's death. Dalton Trumbo arrives with excitement over his screenplay sale, but the mood quickly darkens as Cleo shares the somber news, highlighting the emotional contrasts of ambition and vulnerability.
Strengths
  • Emotional impact
  • Character development
  • Plot progression
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution for some plot points
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines personal and political elements, creating a sense of tension and concern for the characters. The revelation of Justice Rutledge's death adds a layer of emotional impact, while Trumbo's financial situation adds a sense of urgency.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of blending personal struggles with political turmoil is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively conveys the impact of external events on the characters' lives.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progression in the scene is significant, with the introduction of new challenges and revelations that drive the story forward. The scene sets up future conflicts and developments effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on political power and personal struggles, offering a unique take on familiar themes. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging, contributing to the scene's originality.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters' reactions to the news and their interactions with each other are well-portrayed, adding depth to their personalities. Trumbo's excitement and Cleo's concern create a dynamic emotional landscape.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo emotional changes in response to the news and challenges they face, deepening their development and relationships. Trumbo's excitement turns to concern, while Cleo's worry intensifies.

Internal Goal: 8

Congressman Thomas's internal goal is to maintain control and power in the face of challenges and opposition. This reflects his desire for authority and influence.

External Goal: 7

Congressman Thomas's external goal is to pass legislation and maintain political support. This reflects his immediate circumstances and challenges in navigating the political landscape.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The scene contains both internal and external conflicts, with Trumbo's financial struggles and the news of Justice Rutledge's death creating tension and uncertainty. The conflict drives the characters' actions and decisions.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing challenges and conflicts that raise stakes and create uncertainty about the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with Trumbo's financial struggles and the news of Justice Rutledge's death adding urgency and tension to the narrative. The characters' futures are at risk, raising the stakes for their actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new conflicts, revelations, and challenges for the characters. It sets up future developments and resolutions, driving the narrative towards its climax.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' actions and the shifting dynamics between them, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of political power and personal integrity. Congressman Thomas's actions raise questions about morality and the abuse of authority.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a significant emotional impact, with moments of joy, concern, and shock that resonate with the audience. The characters' reactions to the news and their personal struggles evoke empathy and engagement.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the characters' emotions and motivations, especially in moments of conflict and revelation. The interactions feel authentic and drive the narrative forward.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of political intrigue, personal drama, and moral dilemmas, keeping the audience invested in the characters' fates and decisions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, moving between different locations and characters at a brisk pace that keeps the audience engaged and invested in the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance readability and visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, effectively transitioning between different locations and characters while maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the political machinations of Congressman Thomas with the personal struggles of Trumbo and Cleo, highlighting the broader implications of the Hollywood blacklist. However, the transition between the two settings feels abrupt. The shift from the Capitol to the Lazy-T Ranch could benefit from a more seamless connection, perhaps through a visual or thematic bridge that emphasizes the contrast between the political and personal stakes.
  • The dialogue in the Capitol scene is functional but lacks a sense of urgency or emotional weight. Congressman Thomas's lines could be more impactful if they included a hint of his motivations or fears regarding the legislation. This would help to flesh out his character and make the audience more invested in the political stakes.
  • Cleo's reaction to the news about Justice Rutledge feels somewhat disconnected from the previous scene's energy. While her shock is understandable, the emotional transition could be strengthened by showing her internal conflict more vividly. Perhaps a brief moment of reflection or a flashback could illustrate why Rutledge's death is significant to her and Trumbo.
  • Trumbo's ecstatic announcement about the sale of 'Roman Holiday' contrasts sharply with Cleo's devastating news, but the emotional stakes could be heightened. The scene would benefit from a more gradual build-up to Trumbo's realization of the gravity of the situation. This could involve him initially dismissing Cleo's concern before gradually understanding its importance, which would create a more dynamic emotional arc.
  • The use of humor in Trumbo's excitement about the sale feels slightly out of place given the somber news Cleo delivers. While humor can be an effective tool, it may undermine the emotional impact of Rutledge's death. A more serious tone from Trumbo in response to Cleo's news could enhance the scene's overall emotional resonance.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual or thematic element that connects the Capitol scene to the Lazy-T Ranch, such as a newspaper headline or a radio broadcast that transitions the audience's focus.
  • Enhance Congressman Thomas's dialogue to include more personal stakes or motivations, making him a more complex character and increasing the tension surrounding his proposed legislation.
  • Deepen Cleo's emotional response to Justice Rutledge's death by incorporating a brief moment of reflection or a memory that illustrates her connection to him, thereby enriching the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Allow Trumbo to initially dismiss Cleo's news before gradually realizing its significance, creating a more dynamic emotional arc that reflects his internal conflict between personal success and the weight of political realities.
  • Adjust Trumbo's tone when he learns of Rutledge's death to reflect a more serious and contemplative mood, ensuring that the humor surrounding the sale of 'Roman Holiday' does not overshadow the gravity of the situation.



Scene 21 -  Farewell to Freedom
INT. ROBERT KENNY’S LAW OFFICE - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

ROBERT KENNY
The two most liberal judges on the
Supreme Court...

Trumbo, a still-frail Arlen Hird and members of The Ten sit
solemnly before a heartsick Kenny.

ROBERT KENNY (CONT’D)
...back to back. This is just...

He lets it hang in the air. A long, ten-man silence.

DALTON TRUMBO
Well. I’ll be goddamned if I know
what to say.

ARLEN HIRD
One upside, anyway.

ROBERT KENNY
Our appeal’s gonna be denied.
You’re all going to prison.

INT. ROBERT KENNY’S LAW OFFICE - ELEVATOR - DAY

Trumbo helps Hird in. Hird pushes the button, then leans on
his cane.

Both men stare straight ahead as they descend. As sick as
Hird is, Trumbo is paler. He looks gutted. The CLANKING
descent seems eternal. Then:

ARLEN HIRD
I wouldn’t change a thing. Not
one. Would you?

Trumbo considers this carefully before:

DALTON TRUMBO
Let’s ask each other in a year.
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 45.


EXT. LOS ANGELES AIRFIELD - NIGHT

June, 1950. NO SOUND at first, just MUSIC as Trumbo, Cleo,
Niki, Chris, 9, and Mitzi, now 5, cross the tarmac to a
waiting DC-3 prop passenger plane. Suddenly aware of --

A CROWD gathering at the edge of the light, moving toward
them. Then, TWO PEOPLE raise a banner, the words spread out
on a sheet between two poles:

DALTON TRUMBO IS GOING TO JAIL! FREE THE HOLLYWOOD 10!

The crowd closes around the surprised Trumbos. Hands are
offered and shaken. More signs raised. More PEOPLE cluster.
Cameras are brought out and --

MOMENTS LATER - TRUMBO

Slightly embarrassed, is surrounded by family, well-wishers
and more huge, handwritten signs bearing his name and plight.

MINUTES AFTER THAT - A MONTAGE

Capturing the final, sad moments of Trumbo’s goodbye:

- Tiny Mitzi hugs Trumbo. She can’t be pried off.

- Trumbo whispers into Chris’ ear:

DALTON TRUMBO
I’m counting on you. Your mother
needs to laugh. Once a day. At
least. Deal?

Chris nods and refuses to cry. Father and son shake hands.

- Trumbo hugs Niki.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
Don’t be afraid.

NIKI
I’m not.

She’s angry at herself for tearing up. Trumbo hands her his
silk pocket square.

- Trumbo kisses Cleo one last time on the lips.

- Trumbo is led off by TWO U.S. MARSHALS.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 46.
CONTINUED:

- Trumbo is up on the ramp of the plane. A FLASHBULB POPS.
The moment is FROZEN into an old sepia photograph.

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In a somber scene, Robert Kenny informs Dalton Trumbo and The Ten that their appeal has been denied, leading to their impending imprisonment. Trumbo and Arlen Hird reflect on their choices in an elevator, contemplating their future. The scene shifts to Los Angeles Airfield, where Trumbo is met by a supportive crowd as he prepares to board a plane to jail. Emotional farewells unfold between Trumbo and his family, highlighting their deep bonds as he shares poignant moments with his wife, children, and friends before being led away by U.S. Marshals.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Authentic character interactions
  • Solidarity theme
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited focus on political consequences

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-paced, and effectively conveys the somber tone of the situation. The dialogue is poignant and the character interactions are authentic, making it a powerful moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of bidding farewell to Trumbo before his imprisonment and showcasing the solidarity of his family and supporters is a crucial moment in the screenplay, emphasizing the personal and political consequences of his actions.

Plot: 9

The plot progression in this scene is significant as it marks a turning point in Trumbo's story, leading to his imprisonment and highlighting the consequences of his defiance against the government. It sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era, portraying the emotional turmoil and sacrifices of those affected by political persecution. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and complexity to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.2

The characters in the scene, especially Trumbo, Cleo, and the children, are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed authentically. The interactions between them reveal their relationships and the depth of their bonds.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, especially Trumbo, undergo emotional changes as they come to terms with his imprisonment and express their love and support for each other. These changes deepen their relationships and highlight their growth.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to come to terms with the impending consequences of his actions and maintain his integrity and principles in the face of adversity.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to say goodbye to his family and loved ones before being led off to prison.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is an underlying conflict between Trumbo and the government, the main focus of the scene is on the emotional farewell and solidarity among the characters, rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing the imminent threat of imprisonment and the emotional turmoil of saying goodbye to his family. The audience is unsure of how the situation will resolve.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Trumbo faces imprisonment, his family grapples with the consequences, and his supporters rally around him in a show of solidarity. The personal and political ramifications are significant.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up Trumbo's imprisonment, showcasing the impact on his family and supporters, and laying the groundwork for future developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional twists and turns, as well as the uncertain outcome of the protagonist's fate. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of what will happen next.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between standing up for one's beliefs and facing the consequences, or compromising to avoid punishment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the heartfelt farewell, the characters' reactions to Trumbo's impending imprisonment, and the sense of solidarity and resilience portrayed throughout.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is poignant, heartfelt, and realistic, capturing the emotional weight of the moment. It effectively conveys the characters' feelings of sadness, acceptance, and resilience.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, compelling character dynamics, and the high stakes of the protagonist's situation. The audience is invested in the outcome and the characters' fates.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, allowing the audience to connect with the characters and their struggles. The rhythm of the scene enhances its impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively conveys the protagonist's emotional journey and the impending conflict. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the gravity of the situation with Trumbo and his associates facing imprisonment, but it could benefit from deeper emotional exploration. The dialogue is functional but lacks the emotional weight that could enhance the audience's connection to the characters' plight. For instance, Trumbo's line about not knowing what to say feels somewhat flat; a more poignant expression of his feelings could resonate more with the audience.
  • The transition from the law office to the elevator is a strong visual choice, emphasizing the weight of the news. However, the dialogue in the elevator could be more impactful. Hird's comment about not changing a thing is a powerful sentiment, but Trumbo's response could be more reflective of his internal struggle. This moment is a missed opportunity to delve into Trumbo's psyche and the conflict between his ideals and the harsh reality he faces.
  • The montage at the airfield is a nice touch, but it feels rushed. Each goodbye moment is significant and deserves more screen time to allow the audience to fully absorb the emotional stakes. The use of music is effective, but the lack of sound initially creates a dissonance that might confuse viewers. A gradual build-up of sound could enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The visual imagery of the crowd and the signs is compelling, but the scene could benefit from more specific details about the crowd's reactions and the atmosphere. Are they supportive, angry, or a mix of both? Adding these nuances would enrich the scene and provide a clearer picture of the public's sentiment towards Trumbo and the Hollywood Ten.
  • The final moments of Trumbo's goodbye are touching, but the dialogue could be more layered. For example, Trumbo's advice to Chris about making Cleo laugh is sweet, but it could also reflect Trumbo's own fears and hopes for his family during his absence. This would add depth to his character and make the farewell feel more significant.
Suggestions
  • Consider rewriting Trumbo's initial response to the news of the appeal being denied to reflect a more complex emotional state, perhaps incorporating a mix of anger, fear, and determination.
  • Enhance the dialogue in the elevator scene to allow Trumbo to express his internal conflict more vividly, perhaps by having him reflect on the sacrifices made and the impact on his family.
  • Expand the montage at the airfield to give each goodbye moment more weight, allowing for pauses and reactions that convey the emotional stakes of the situation.
  • Add more descriptive details about the crowd's reactions and the overall atmosphere at the airfield to create a richer context for Trumbo's departure.
  • Infuse Trumbo's farewell dialogue with more layers, perhaps by including a moment of vulnerability that reveals his fears for his family's future, making the scene more impactful.



Scene 22 -  Revelations in the Night
EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

The Trumbo family car rumbles home from the airport.

INT. TRUMBO FAMILY CAR - DRIVING - CONTINUOUS

In the backseat, Niki consoles Mitzi. Up front, Chris rides
alongside Cleo, who is driving. Everyone is grieving in
their own way. Then --

CLEO
(suddenly blurting)
I was married before.

Well, this certainly gets the attention of all the kids.

CLEO (CONT’D)
Your father’s my second husband.

NIKI
Holy shit.

CLEO
Niki...

NIKI
Mom, gimme a break, you can’t just
say that and not --

CLEO
I’m saying it for a reason. When I
met your father, I had a boyfriend.

CHRIS
What was his name?

CLEO
Hal.

CHRIS
Hal. Heh.

NIKI
Did you love him?

CLEO
That’s not the point.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 47.
CONTINUED:

CHRIS
What’d you think of Pop back then?

CLEO
I couldn’t stand him.

NIKI
So how’d you end up marrying him?

CLEO
I was waitressing. He came in for
a hamburger, we talked a little, I
brought him the check and he
proposed.

CHRIS
Seriously?

Cleo catches Niki’s look in the rear view, a smile that says,
that’s Pop.

CLEO
I said he was crazy but he kept
coming back, night after night.
Talking and talking. And the tips!
On a ninety-cent check, he’d leave
ten dollars! After a year, I had
over a thousand dollars. I saved
every penny, I wasn’t going to let
him think he could buy me. But...
also... I just, I’d never met
anyone like him, ever, I couldn’t
stop thinking about him. And guess
who didn’t like that much?

NIKI
Hal.

CLEO
Hal. Who got mad, then jealous,
then went and got a wedding license
and a judge.

CHRIS
That must’ve made Pop mad.

CLEO
No. He just asked if I could see
myself with Hal in twenty years and
I burst into tears -- I couldn’t
see myself with him for twenty more
minutes. He was big and crude and
had all these rules...
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 48.
CONTINUED: (2)
CLEO (CONT'D)
(then)
Your father was such a good friend,
I’d never had anyone like him in my
life... and do you know what he
did? Hired a private detective.

CHRIS
Wow.

CLEO
And found out Hal was already
married.

All the kids let out LAUGHS and SHOUTS and pound the seats.
They love seeing this new side of their mother.

NIKI
Mom, how could you not tell us this
before? This is great!

CLEO
I’m telling you now because when he
did all that, your father proved
when he believes in something... or
someone...
Genres: ["Drama","Family"]

Summary As the Trumbo family drives home from the airport, Cleo, the mother, surprises her children, Niki and Chris, by revealing her previous marriage to a man named Hal. She recounts how she met their father and his determined pursuit of her, which leads to laughter and excitement among the children. The scene shifts from somber grief to light-hearted amusement as they bond over Cleo's past, culminating in a deeper connection as she emphasizes their father's belief in love.
Strengths
  • Revealing character backstory
  • Emotional depth
  • Natural dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines elements of revelation, reflection, and light-heartedness, providing insight into Cleo's character while maintaining a warm and engaging tone. The dialogue is natural and engaging, drawing the audience into the family's emotional journey.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing Cleo's past and exploring the family's dynamics through personal stories is engaging and adds depth to the characters. The scene effectively balances emotional depth with light-hearted moments, creating a well-rounded narrative.

Plot: 7.5

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it enriches the character development and deepens the emotional connection between the audience and the characters. The revelation about Cleo's past adds complexity to the family dynamic.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on family dynamics and relationships, with a surprising revelation that challenges traditional storytelling conventions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene focuses on Cleo's character development, revealing a new side to her personality and deepening the audience's understanding of her relationship with Dalton Trumbo and her children. The children's reactions also add depth to their characters.

Character Changes: 7

Cleo's revelation about her past marriage and her initial impressions of Dalton Trumbo lead to a subtle shift in the audience's perception of her character, adding complexity and depth.

Internal Goal: 8

Cleo's internal goal is to explain her past and the reasons for her actions to her children. This reflects her desire for understanding and connection with her family.

External Goal: 7

Cleo's external goal is to reveal her past marriage to her children and convey the importance of honesty and trust in relationships.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

The scene is low on conflict, focusing more on emotional revelations and character development within the family dynamic.

Opposition: 6

The opposition in the scene is subtle but effective, with Cleo's past actions and revelations challenging the characters' beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 2

The scene is low on high stakes, focusing more on personal revelations and family dynamics.

Story Forward: 6

While the scene does not significantly move the main plot forward, it enriches the character development and deepens the emotional connection between the audience and the characters.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelation of Cleo's past marriage, adding a layer of complexity to the family dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around honesty, trust, and the complexities of relationships. Cleo's past actions challenge the traditional values of marriage and commitment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly through Cleo's revelation and the children's reactions, creating a sense of intimacy and connection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is natural, engaging, and reveals important aspects of the characters' personalities and relationships. Cleo's storytelling is captivating, drawing the audience into her past and creating a sense of intimacy within the family.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, humor, and character revelations that keep the audience invested in the family's story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotion, allowing for moments of humor and reflection to resonate with the audience.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, adhering to the expected format for its genre.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a natural progression of dialogue and character interactions, effectively conveying the emotional depth of the family dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively shifts the tone from the somber farewell at the airport to a more light-hearted and revealing moment within the family car. This contrast helps to alleviate the tension and allows for character development, particularly for Cleo, who reveals a previously unknown aspect of her past.
  • Cleo's revelation about her previous marriage adds depth to her character and provides a moment of levity amidst the family's grief. However, the transition from a serious moment to a comedic one feels slightly abrupt. The dialogue could benefit from a smoother transition to maintain the emotional flow.
  • The children's reactions are authentic and relatable, particularly Niki's surprise and Chris's curiosity. However, Niki's use of 'Holy shit' feels a bit out of place given the context of their recent emotional turmoil. A more subdued reaction might better reflect the gravity of their situation while still allowing for humor.
  • Cleo's storytelling is engaging and provides insight into her relationship with Trumbo, but it could be more concise. Some lines feel repetitive, particularly when she discusses Hal's jealousy and Trumbo's persistence. Streamlining this dialogue would enhance the pacing and keep the audience engaged.
  • The scene does a good job of showcasing the dynamics between the family members, particularly the camaraderie and humor that can arise even in difficult times. However, it could benefit from a stronger emotional anchor. Perhaps a moment where Cleo reflects on how her past choices have shaped her present could deepen the emotional impact.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or reflection after the airport scene before transitioning to the car, allowing the audience to process the emotional weight of Trumbo's departure.
  • Revise Niki's initial reaction to Cleo's revelation to be more in line with the family's emotional state. A surprised but softer response could maintain the gravity of the moment while still allowing for humor.
  • Streamline Cleo's dialogue by focusing on the most impactful lines that reveal her character and relationship with Trumbo. This will help maintain the audience's attention and enhance the pacing of the scene.
  • Incorporate a moment where Cleo reflects on how her past with Hal influenced her decision to marry Trumbo, providing a deeper emotional connection to her character and the family dynamic.
  • Consider ending the scene with a poignant line from Cleo that ties her past to her present, reinforcing the theme of love and belief in one another, which could serve as a powerful emotional anchor for the family.



Scene 23 -  Endurance in the Shadows
EXT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - DAY

Large, remote, set amid thick green Kentucky forest.

CLEO (POST-LAP)
...it doesn’t matter what anybody
else thinks, says or does...

INT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - PRISONER PROCESSING - DAY

CLEO (POST-LAP)
...he will try, fail...

Trumbo is naked, along with a GROUP of prisoners who are
undergoing a body and cavity search by GUARDS. Trumbo is
stoic.

CLEO (POST-LAP) (CONT’D)
...fall down, get up, fall again.
But never, ever give up.

INT. TRUMBO FAMILY CAR - DRIVING - NIGHT

CLEO
So don’t waste your time being mad
at the people trying to stop your
father.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 49.
CONTINUED:
CLEO (CONT'D)
(smiles)
Feel sorry for them.

INT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - LOADING DOCK - DAY

On a blazing summer afternoon, Trumbo off-loads 50-pound
slabs of frozen beef rib from a truck, balancing one on his
shoulder, sweating and moving past TWO PRISON GUARDS.

PRISON GUARD 1
(mid-story)
...so he files a complaint, says I
don’t treat him fair.

PRISON GUARD 2
Nigger said that?

PRISON GUARD 1
So warden says I gotta do right.
Boy wanna better job? I put him in
charge o’ the whole goddamn supply
room. ’Cause I know somethin’ the
warden don’t. Nigger can’t read!

Finally, Trumbo gets his huge side of beef to the pallet and
manages to drop it. He stands, soaked, catching his breath.
There’s a sharp pain in his back. He tries not to let it
show.

PRISON GUARD 2
(laughing)
Can’t read, that’s good!

PRISON GUARD 1
Serve the jig and warden both
right, supply gonna be a goddamn
mess!
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense scene set in Ashland Federal Prison, Cleo's voiceover highlights the importance of resilience as Trumbo, a stoic inmate, endures a humiliating body search and the grueling labor of unloading heavy frozen beef. Despite the mocking and racist remarks from two prison guards, Trumbo strives to maintain his composure, showcasing his strength amidst dehumanizing treatment. The emotional weight of the scene underscores the systemic racism and struggle for dignity within the brutal prison environment, culminating in Trumbo's physical exhaustion and pain as he faces the guards' cruelty.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Resilience theme
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited dialogue
  • Focused on one character

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the harsh reality of Trumbo's situation in prison while highlighting his resilience and unwavering spirit, creating a compelling and emotionally impactful narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of showcasing Trumbo's endurance and resilience in the face of adversity is effectively realized, providing a powerful and poignant narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot focuses on Trumbo's struggles in prison and his unwavering spirit, moving the story forward by highlighting his resilience and determination.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh approach to the prison setting, highlighting the protagonist's resilience and dignity amidst dehumanizing treatment. The dialogue feels authentic and adds depth to the characters.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The scene effectively develops Trumbo's character by showcasing his resilience and inner strength in the face of adversity, creating a compelling and relatable protagonist.

Character Changes: 7

While Trumbo's character remains steadfast in his resilience, the scene showcases his emotional journey and inner strength in the face of adversity.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his resilience and dignity in the face of dehumanizing treatment and physical pain. This reflects his deeper need for self-preservation and inner strength.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to survive and navigate the challenges of prison life, including physical labor and racial tensions. This reflects the immediate circumstances and obstacles he is facing.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict in the scene primarily stems from Trumbo's struggles in prison and his defiance against dehumanizing treatment, adding depth to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the guards' dehumanizing treatment and racial tensions posing significant challenges for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high as Trumbo faces dehumanizing treatment in prison and must maintain his resilience and determination to endure, adding tension and emotional depth to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting Trumbo's struggles in prison and his unwavering spirit, setting the stage for further character development and narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected actions and dialogue of the guards, adding tension and uncertainty to the protagonist's situation.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

There is a philosophical conflict evident in the scene between the dehumanizing treatment of prisoners by the guards and the protagonist's resilience and dignity. This challenges the protagonist's beliefs about justice and humanity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of hope, determination, and sorrow through Trumbo's resilience and unwavering spirit.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the harsh reality of Trumbo's situation in prison and his unwavering spirit, enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense atmosphere, compelling character dynamics, and the protagonist's struggle for survival.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged in the protagonist's struggle.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a prison drama, with a clear progression of events and character interactions.


Critique
  • The juxtaposition of Cleo's voiceover with Trumbo's humiliating experience in prison is powerful, but it could be enhanced by providing more emotional depth to Trumbo's internal struggle. The contrast between Cleo's encouraging words and Trumbo's physical discomfort could be more pronounced, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his situation.
  • The dialogue from the prison guards is intended to highlight the harsh realities of Trumbo's environment, but it risks coming off as overly stereotypical and insensitive. This could detract from the overall impact of the scene. Instead, consider using more nuanced dialogue that reflects the guards' personalities without resorting to racial slurs, which can alienate the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven. The transition from Cleo's voiceover to the prison setting is abrupt, and the shift from the emotional weight of her words to the crude humor of the guards could be smoothed out. A more gradual transition could help maintain the emotional tone.
  • Trumbo's physical struggle is mentioned but not fully explored. Adding more visual cues or internal monologue could help convey his pain and determination more vividly. This would allow the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level.
  • The scene lacks a clear emotional arc for Trumbo. While he is depicted as stoic, it would be beneficial to show moments of vulnerability or reflection that align with Cleo's encouraging words. This could create a more compelling character journey within the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Trumbo reflects on Cleo's words internally, perhaps visualizing her encouraging him as he endures the humiliation, to create a stronger emotional connection.
  • Revise the guards' dialogue to maintain their character while avoiding racial slurs. This could involve using humor that is less offensive but still highlights their ignorance and cruelty.
  • Smooth the transition between Cleo's voiceover and the prison scenes by incorporating a visual element that connects the two, such as a shot of Trumbo's face as he hears her words, reinforcing the emotional weight.
  • Include more physicality in Trumbo's actions to illustrate his pain and struggle, such as grimacing or pausing to catch his breath, which would enhance the audience's empathy for his situation.
  • Introduce a moment of vulnerability for Trumbo, such as a fleeting expression of despair or a memory of his family, to create a more dynamic emotional experience that resonates with Cleo's message.



Scene 24 -  Tension in the Supply Room
INT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - SUPPLY ROOM - DAY

Very much a mess. Reports and records in random piles and
sloppy stacks. But also a cool, dark basement relief from
the swelter above.

A wrung-out Trumbo hands a clipboard to a powerful, severe
black man named VIRGIL BROOKS.

DALTON TRUMBO
Beef’s unloaded. Driver needs a
signature.

Brooks nods and takes the clipboard. Without really looking,
he scribbles a line near the bottom of the page.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 50.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
Actually, he needs it... here.

Trumbo points to the still-blank signature line. Brooks
signs again.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
If you could use help, I used to be
in shipping, at a bakery.

BROOKS
I heard you was a writer.

DALTON TRUMBO
That, too.

BROOKS
And a Commie.
(with a hard look)
Fuck is wrong with you people?
This is a great country.

DALTON TRUMBO
Agreed.

Well, he tried. Heads out.

BROOKS
You type?

DALTON TRUMBO
Eighty words a minute.

BROOKS
Bullshit.

MOMENTS LATER - TRUMBO TYPES

With two fingers, copying off a rule book. Brooks glances at
his watch and chops the air. Trumbo stops.

BROOKS
Now if only I could read it.
(then, off typewriter page)
“Protocol as to return of goods:
There shall be triplicate copies of
form 14-A filed with Supply,
Shipping and office of the warden.”

Trumbo looks up at Brooks, surprised.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 51.
CONTINUED:

BROOKS (CONT’D)
You think you gonna teach me the
alphabet so I shake your hand all
grateful ’n’ say, “Thankee Missuh
Trumbo, you done changed mah life,
suh, I never fuhgit you.”
(then)
This ain’t no movie and I ain’t Mr.
Bojangles. I got twenty years for
killin’ a white man tried to rob my
bar, I did it and I’d do it again.
Look down on me and I will fuck you
up like you never been fucked up in
your whole bullshit Beverly Hills
life. I’m here to build my time
and get paroled, you wanna help
make that happen?

Brooks hefts a box of files onto the desk with a THUD.

BROOKS (CONT’D)
Welcome to fuckin’ Supply, comrade.

INT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - PRISONER DORM - NIGHT

1951. One of the few prisoners still awake, Trumbo sits on
his cot in a single cone of light, scribbling on a pad.

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
(starting a letter)
Dear Cleo.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the chaotic supply room of Ashland Federal Prison, Dalton Trumbo, weary and eager to connect, offers his help to Virgil Brooks, who dismisses him with disdain due to Trumbo's background as a writer and communist. Brooks's harsh critique of Trumbo's attempts to bond highlights the stark contrast between their life experiences, creating a tense atmosphere. As Trumbo struggles to type and Brooks maintains his tough demeanor, the scene concludes with Trumbo alone at night, beginning to write a letter to Cleo, reflecting on his isolation.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-filled dialogue
  • Emotional resonance
Weaknesses
  • Limited visual description
  • Lack of external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the harshness of prison life and Trumbo's resilience in the face of adversity. The tension and defiance in his interactions with other inmates add depth to his character, while the resigned acceptance of his situation showcases his internal struggle.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing Trumbo's life in prison and his interactions with other inmates is compelling and adds depth to his character. The scene effectively explores themes of resilience, defiance, and acceptance in the face of adversity.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on Trumbo's experiences in prison and his interactions with other inmates, adding layers to his character. The scene effectively moves the story forward by highlighting the challenges he faces and his resilience.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh dynamic between the characters, blending elements of humor, tension, and social commentary in a unique setting. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters in the scene, particularly Trumbo and Virgil Brooks, are well-developed and their interactions add depth to the narrative. Trumbo's resilience and defiance, as well as Brooks' tough demeanor, are effectively portrayed.

Character Changes: 8

Trumbo undergoes a subtle character change in the scene, as he navigates the challenges of prison life with a mix of defiance and resignation. His interactions with Brooks and his internal struggle showcase a shift in his perspective and attitude.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal in this scene is to navigate his new environment and establish connections with other inmates, showcasing his adaptability and resourcefulness.

External Goal: 7.5

Trumbo's external goal is to assist Brooks in the supply room and potentially gain his trust and cooperation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with the tension between Trumbo and Brooks adding depth to the narrative. Trumbo's internal struggle and defiance create a compelling conflict that drives the scene forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and motivations between the characters, creating a sense of uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Trumbo grapples with the harsh reality of prison life and the challenges he faces as a blacklisted writer. His resilience and defiance in the face of adversity highlight the importance of his struggle.

Story Forward: 8

The scene effectively moves the story forward by showcasing Trumbo's experiences in prison and his interactions with other inmates. It adds depth to his character and sets the stage for further developments in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8.5

This scene is unpredictable in its character dynamics and dialogue, keeping the audience on their toes with unexpected twists and turns.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between Trumbo's beliefs as a writer and a perceived communist, and Brooks' skepticism and loyalty to his own values and experiences. This challenges Trumbo's worldview and forces him to navigate the complexities of his identity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, as Trumbo's resilience and defiance in the face of adversity evoke empathy from the audience. The harsh reality of prison life and his internal struggle add depth to the emotional resonance of the scene.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tension and defiance between Trumbo and Brooks, adding depth to their characters. The interactions feel authentic and contribute to the overall tone of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its blend of humor, tension, and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the unfolding interactions.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining audience interest, with a balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined character interactions and progression, fitting the expected format for its genre.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the harsh environment of prison life and the tension between Trumbo and Brooks. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtlety. Brooks's aggressive demeanor feels somewhat one-dimensional, which may detract from the complexity of his character. Adding layers to his motivations or backstory could enhance the emotional weight of the confrontation.
  • Trumbo's character is portrayed as resilient, but his responses to Brooks could be more nuanced. Instead of simply agreeing with Brooks's statement about America, Trumbo could offer a more reflective or defiant response that showcases his inner conflict and the weight of his beliefs, adding depth to his character.
  • The transition from the supply room to Trumbo writing a letter at night is effective in showing the passage of time, but it could be strengthened by including a brief moment of introspection or a visual cue that highlights Trumbo's emotional state. This would help the audience connect with his struggles more intimately.
  • The use of humor in Brooks's dialogue, particularly the line about 'Mr. Bojangles,' feels jarring given the serious context of the scene. While humor can be effective, it should be used sparingly in such a tense environment to maintain the scene's overall tone.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the dialogue could be tightened. Some lines feel overly verbose, which can detract from the urgency of the moment. Streamlining the dialogue would enhance the flow and keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving Brooks a more complex backstory or motivation that explains his hostility towards Trumbo. This could involve hints at his own struggles or disillusionment with the system, making him a more relatable character.
  • Revise Trumbo's dialogue to reflect a deeper internal conflict. Instead of simply agreeing with Brooks, he could express a more profound understanding of the complexities of America, perhaps referencing his own experiences or beliefs.
  • Add a brief moment of reflection for Trumbo after his interaction with Brooks, perhaps showing him contemplating the harsh realities of prison life or the weight of his situation. This could be done through a visual cue or a voiceover that connects his thoughts to his family.
  • Reassess the use of humor in Brooks's dialogue. If humor is included, ensure it aligns with the scene's tone and doesn't undermine the gravity of the situation. Alternatively, consider removing or replacing it with a more serious remark that reinforces Brooks's character.
  • Tighten the dialogue by removing any unnecessary words or phrases. Focus on making each line impactful and concise, which will help maintain the scene's tension and keep the audience engaged.



Scene 25 -  Reflections of Love and Imprisonment
INT. LAZY-T RANCH - CLEO’S DARK ROOM - DAY

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
I don’t count the days or hours. I
count the seconds.

She switches the red light off and opens the shades. Summer
sun REVEALS developing equipment and dozens of photos hung to
dry. All of the children: fishing, on horseback, playing
tag, sitting for a group portrait.

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
Sometimes I think I’ll die of
boredom. Other times, fear.

As she inspects each critically, she passes something we
don’t expect: a boxer’s speed bag hanging from the ceiling,
which she gives a single, light WHACK without looking.
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 52.


INT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - SUPPLY ROOM - DAY

Immaculately organized now.

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
Not of this place.

Trumbo sits, dutifully typing at top speed.

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
So far...

Prison Guard 1 enters, shocked at the crispness of the room --

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
...its challenges are all
surmountable. Augmented by days of
lovely boredom, so flat and calm in
the wake of all that churning,
ugly, luckless battle.

-- and the report Brooks writes with a fuck-you smile.

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
No, my fear is for what will
happen...

EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - DRIVEWAY - DAY

Cleo is playing a furious game of ping-pong against both
Chris and Mitzi --

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
...when I get out. To our
family...

-- while Niki sits nearby, absorbed in a copy of the Daily
Worker, with its headline: “NEW COMMUNIST HOLLYWOOD HEARINGS
BEGIN.”

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
...and our country.

INT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - MESS - DAY

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
Not all the national news is
worrisome. Some reminds me that
what the imagination can’t conjure,
reality delivers with a shrug.

Nearly deserted but for Trumbo as he enters with a sheaf of
reports, crossing past a lone figure mopping the floor:


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 53.
CONTINUED:

Congressman J. Parnell Thomas, wearing a prison uniform
identical to Trumbo’s. He stops mopping. Trumbo pauses in a
doorway. The two men regard one another.

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
And reality has delivered, in all
its beatific wonder, to the federal
penal system, former Congressman
and head of HUAC, J. Parnell
Thomas. Convicted of tax evasion.

Thomas goes back to work. Trumbo’s eyes linger on Thomas as
the former inquisitor dips his mop then swabs the floor.

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
Proving the truism...

Trumbo deposits his sheaf on a table top and exits.

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
“...Character is destiny.”

INT. LAZY-T RANCH - KITCHEN - DAY

On a sunny morning, her three children eating breakfast
around her, Cleo finishes this letter.

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
Yet in all this, I know I’m the
luckiest unlucky man ever to live...
because you and the children warm,
feed, clothe, pacify and rejuvenate
me, by never leaving my heart.
Love, Prisoner Number 7551.

She touches the paper tenderly, gets up and moves to
shoeboxes that overflow with Trumbo letters, adding this one.

INT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - MESS HALL - NIGHT

All chairs face a screen as Trumbo and SEVERAL HUNDRED
PRISONERS and GUARDS watch a war movie.

UP ON THE MOVIE SCREEN - JOHN WAYNE

Plays a gung-ho soldier, barking orders amid backlot GUNFIRE.

BACK DOWN IN THE AUDIENCE

Trumbo smokes and watches. Sitting next to him, Virgil
Brooks is totally caught up in the war drama.
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 54.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary The scene alternates between Cleo at the Lazy-T Ranch, developing photographs and writing a heartfelt letter to her husband Dalton Trumbo, who is imprisoned in Ashland Federal Prison. As Cleo reflects on her life and the challenges she faces, Trumbo contemplates his situation and the irony of sharing space with former Congressman J. Parnell Thomas, now reduced to mopping floors. The emotional tone is bittersweet, highlighting the contrast between Cleo's domestic life and Trumbo's harsh prison experience, as he watches a war movie with fellow inmates, underscoring their shared struggles.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Visual storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Slow pacing in some parts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the contrast between Trumbo's challenging prison life and the comforting presence of his family, evoking a range of emotions and showcasing his inner strength.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of juxtaposing Trumbo's prison life with his family's daily routine is compelling and adds layers to his character, emphasizing his resilience and love for his family.

Plot: 8

The plot progression focuses on Trumbo's emotional journey and the impact of his imprisonment on his family, moving the story forward while exploring his inner struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on prison life and political themes, with authentic character interactions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Trumbo and Cleo, are well-developed and their interactions reveal depth and emotion, enhancing the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 7

Trumbo undergoes subtle emotional changes, from moments of fear and boredom to a sense of gratitude and determination, showcasing his resilience and inner strength.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to cope with boredom and fear while in prison, reflecting deeper needs for stimulation and security.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the challenges of prison life and prepare for reintegration into society.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is internal conflict within Trumbo, the scene focuses more on emotional struggles and personal reflection rather than external conflicts.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting ideologies and challenges that add tension to the protagonist's journey.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high for Trumbo, as he grapples with the challenges of prison life and the uncertainty of his future, while his family faces the repercussions of his imprisonment.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by delving into Trumbo's emotional state and the impact of his imprisonment on his family, setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its character interactions and thematic developments, adding depth to the narrative.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's beliefs about character and destiny, as seen in the encounter with the former Congressman.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, melancholy, and hope, resonating with the audience on a deep emotional level.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, capturing the emotional essence of the scene and the characters' inner thoughts and feelings.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of introspection, tension, and character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the protagonist's journey.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene enhances its effectiveness by balancing introspective moments with dynamic character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to expected formatting standards for its genre, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure, transitioning smoothly between different locations and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the lives of Cleo and Dalton Trumbo, highlighting their emotional states and the impact of Dalton's imprisonment on their family. The use of voiceover allows for a deeper exploration of Trumbo's thoughts, but it could benefit from more specificity in his fears and hopes, making them more relatable to the audience.
  • The visual transitions between Cleo's activities and Trumbo's prison life are well-executed, creating a poignant juxtaposition. However, the scene could enhance its emotional weight by incorporating more sensory details that evoke the atmosphere of both settings, such as the sounds of the ranch versus the sterile environment of the prison.
  • Cleo's character is portrayed as resilient and nurturing, but her actions could be further developed to show how she copes with the challenges of being a single parent while her husband is incarcerated. This would add depth to her character and make her struggles more tangible.
  • The dialogue in the voiceover is poetic but may come off as overly abstract at times. Grounding some of Trumbo's reflections in specific memories or anecdotes could create a stronger emotional connection with the audience.
  • The introduction of Congressman J. Parnell Thomas in the prison adds an interesting layer to the narrative, but the scene could explore their interaction more deeply. A brief exchange or a moment of recognition could heighten the tension and irony of their circumstances.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Cleo interacts with the children about their father's absence, showcasing their emotional responses and how they cope with the situation. This could provide a more intimate look at the family dynamic.
  • Incorporate more sensory details to enhance the atmosphere of both the ranch and the prison. For example, describe the sounds of the children playing or the stark silence of the prison to create a more immersive experience.
  • Explore Trumbo's fears in more concrete terms. Instead of general statements, consider having him reflect on specific worries about his family's future or the political climate, making his internal struggle more relatable.
  • Add a brief moment of interaction between Trumbo and Congressman Thomas to emphasize the irony of their situations. This could serve to highlight the consequences of their respective choices and deepen the thematic resonance of the scene.
  • Consider varying the pacing of the voiceover to match the emotional beats of the scene. Slowing down during particularly poignant moments could enhance the impact of Trumbo's reflections.



Scene 26 -  Echoes of Tension
INT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - CORRIDOR - NIGHT

Trumbo, Brooks, Prisoners and Guards walk back to the dorm.

BROOKS
You know John Wayne?

DALTON TRUMBO
I do.

BROOKS
What’s he like?

DALTON TRUMBO
You’d love each other.

EXT. THE BROWN DERBY - TO ESTABLISH - DAY

It was, in fact, an enormous, brown, stucco hat.

INT. THE BROWN DERBY - CONTINUOUS

Near the front door, the MAITRE D’ slides Hedda’s coat on.

A MAN (O.S.)
‘Scuse me? Are you Hedda Hopper?

She turns and sees a YOUNG ENLISTED MAN in an army uniform,
awkward, nervous, respectful, whose empty right sleeve is
pinned up. He’s lost an arm.

HEDDA HOPPER
I -- yes, hello, how do you -- ?

She holds out her right hand, is instantly mortified, but the
Enlisted Man clasps her right with his left.

ENLISTED MAN
I don’t mean to bother you, I’m
here with my cousin, he’s a gaffer
at Columbia? Thought he’d treat me
to the big time. I read you a lot,
all the guys do. Not just the
showbiz stuff. You get what’s
really going on, with Russia, the
Commies here, the investigations.
Thank you.

HEDDA HOPPER
Where did you serve?

ENLISTED MAN
Korea.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 55.
CONTINUED:

HEDDA HOPPER
And you’re how old...?

ENLISTED MAN
(proudly)
Next month I’ll be twenty.

She has no words, just looks at this boy, struck to her core.

EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - LAKE - DAY

March, 1951. An Appaloosa horse stands against the mountain
range, lazily dipping its head to chew grass, then raising it
to scan the horizon.

Nearby, Cleo focuses her camera on the majestic animal. She
CLICKS off several shots. Chris is nearby, holding spare
film canisters and lenses.

CHRIS
Mom.

CLEO
Mm?

CHRIS
I’ve got a new one.

She glances at Chris, who uses his hands to shove his cheeks
in toward each other -- then smiles, making his mouth kind of
a chubby vertical smile. Cleo chuckles and aims her camera
at him.

NIKI (O.S.)
Mom!

She turns. Her daughter is at the back door of the main
house.

NIKI (CONT’D)
You better come quick!

INT. LAZY-T RANCH - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Chris and Cleo enter, Niki crouched in front of the enormous
radio, dialing a clearer reception.

STRIPLING (ON RADIO)
...ever been a member of the
Communist Party?




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 56.
CONTINUED:

EDWARD G. ROBINSON (ON RADIO)
I am not now nor have I ever been a
member of that party, no...

INT. U.S. CAPITOL - CAUCUS ROOM - CONTINUOUS

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
...I have always been a liberal
Democrat.

Robinson is in the same seat Trumbo occupied. But no longer
a packed circus, it is now a rehearsed degradation ceremony.

Robinson speaks into radio microphones splayed before him as
he looks into the eyes of Investigator Robert Stripling.

STRIPLING
But in your home, over the years,
there have been political meetings.
Attended by those we now know to be
Communists.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Yes sir, yes, that has now been
made clear to me... there were
tremendous activities that went on
in my house during the war...

EXT. TEXARKANA FEDERAL PRISON - DAY

A cinder-block Texas facility on a brown, scrubby flat.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON (ON RADIO)
...but I did not know then their
true affiliations... the work they
were up to...

INT. TEXARKANA FEDERAL PRISON - HOSPITAL WING - CONTINUOUS

Arlen Hird lies in a bed among A DOZEN other infirm
PRISONERS, hearing through an old oaken radio:

EDWARD G. ROBINSON (ON RADIO)
...the lies...

Most of these prisoners could not care less -- but Hird is
gravely riveted by Robinson’s testimony.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON (ON RADIO) (CONT’D)
...the deception.
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 57.


INT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - MESS HALL - DAY

Most PRISONERS ignore the hearing CRACKLING on a small radio,
but a FEW, including Virgil Brooks and Trumbo, listen.

Congressman Thomas, wiping down tables, is far away... but
listens intently, glancing occasionally at --

Trumbo, stony, a flicker of sadness in his eyes --

INT. U.S. CAPITOL - CAUCUS ROOM - CONTINUOUS

-- as Robinson’s eyes harden, a man determined --

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
I was duped and used. I was lied
to.

INT. LAZY-T RANCH - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

-- Cleo’s eyes close. The kids are transfixed.

STRIPLING (ON RADIO)
Who used you?
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In this scene, Dalton Trumbo and fellow prisoners at Ashland Federal Prison engage in light conversation about John Wayne, while the glamorous Hedda Hopper receives admiration from a young enlisted man at The Brown Derby. Meanwhile, at Lazy-T Ranch, Cleo captures moments with her children, but urgency arises when Niki calls her to listen to Edward G. Robinson's impactful radio testimony about his past Communist affiliations. The scene juxtaposes the warmth of family life with the somber realities of political persecution, culminating in a shared moment of tension as the family absorbs Robinson's powerful words.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth of characters
  • Juxtaposition of settings
  • Reflective storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of the characters' situations and provides a reflective insight into the personal struggles faced during the political turmoil of the time.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of intertwining the personal reflections of characters with the political turmoil of the era adds depth and complexity to the scene, enhancing the overall narrative.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the emotional impact of the characters' experiences rather than advancing the main storyline, providing a deeper insight into their inner struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era, exploring the human cost of political persecution and the complexities of loyalty and betrayal. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and nuanced, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The scene delves into the emotional depth of characters like Trumbo, Cleo, and Robinson, showcasing their vulnerabilities and resilience in the face of adversity.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases the characters' emotional growth and resilience in the face of challenges, highlighting their inner strength and determination.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the complex political and social landscape of Hollywood during the Red Scare. This reflects his deeper need for justice and integrity in the face of oppression and persecution.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to defend himself and his colleagues against accusations of communist sympathies. This reflects the immediate challenge of surviving in a hostile and paranoid environment.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal and emotional, focusing on the characters' struggles with their personal beliefs and the external pressures of the political climate.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult moral choices and external threats. The audience is kept guessing about the characters' motivations and actions.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the characters' personal integrity, resilience, and the emotional toll of political persecution, adding depth to their struggles.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene does not significantly advance the main plot, it provides crucial insights into the characters' emotional journeys and the impact of political persecution on their lives.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between individual freedom and collective security. The characters must grapple with the consequences of their political beliefs and actions on their personal and professional lives.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly through the characters' vulnerability and resilience in the face of adversity.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and introspection of the characters, adding depth to their interactions and inner thoughts.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high emotional stakes, sharp dialogue, and complex characters. The conflict and tension keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotion, with a good balance of dialogue and action. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' fates.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting. It adheres to the expected format for its genre, enhancing the reader's understanding of the action.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness by building tension and emotion.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes the experiences of Trumbo in prison with the unfolding drama of Edward G. Robinson's testimony, creating a powerful emotional resonance. However, the transitions between locations could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative. The abrupt shifts from the prison to The Brown Derby and back to the ranch may confuse the audience if not handled with clearer visual or auditory cues.
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Brooks is brief and serves to establish a connection, but it lacks depth. Expanding on their interaction could provide more insight into their characters and the dynamics of their relationship. This would enhance the emotional stakes of the scene, especially as Trumbo is dealing with the fallout of the blacklist.
  • The use of radio broadcasts to convey Robinson's testimony is a clever device, but it could be more impactful if the emotional reactions of the characters listening were more pronounced. Trumbo's internal struggle could be highlighted through his physical reactions or thoughts, allowing the audience to feel his pain and frustration more deeply.
  • Cleo's scenes at the Lazy-T Ranch are visually engaging, but they could benefit from more emotional weight. While the children are present, their reactions to the radio broadcast could be more developed to show how the family's dynamics are affected by Trumbo's situation. This would create a stronger connection between the family's struggles and Trumbo's plight.
  • The pacing of the scene feels uneven, particularly with the transitions between the various locations. The scene could benefit from a more deliberate rhythm, allowing moments of tension and reflection to breathe. This would enhance the emotional impact of Robinson's testimony and Trumbo's reaction to it.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of reflection for Trumbo after Brooks mentions John Wayne, perhaps a flashback or a brief internal monologue that reveals Trumbo's feelings about Hollywood and his current situation.
  • Enhance the dialogue between Trumbo and Brooks by incorporating more personal anecdotes or opinions that reveal their backgrounds and perspectives, deepening their character development.
  • Use visual cues, such as close-ups of Trumbo's face or the reactions of the other prisoners, to emphasize the emotional weight of Robinson's testimony and how it affects Trumbo personally.
  • Incorporate more interaction between Cleo and the children as they listen to the radio broadcast, showcasing their emotional responses and how they process the news about Trumbo and Robinson.
  • Revise the transitions between scenes to create a more seamless flow, possibly by using sound bridges or visual motifs that connect the different locations and enhance the overall narrative cohesion.



Scene 27 -  Betrayal in the Capitol
INT. U.S. CAPITOL - CAUCUS ROOM - CONTINUOUS

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Well, these... sinister forces who
ran these... organizations in which
I became a member, these.... uh, so-
called Communist fronts.

STRIPLING
Tell us the names of individuals.

INT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - MESS - CONTINUOUS

Trumbo and Thomas, across the room from one another, both
wait.

STRIPLING (ON RADIO)
(after a beat)
Mr. Robinson?

INT. U.S. CAPITOL - CAUCUS ROOM - CONTINUOUS

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Well, you had Albert Maltz, uh,
Ring Lardner, Jr., and that top
fellow who they say is the, uh,
commissar out there...



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 58.
CONTINUED:

STRIPLING
Arlen Hird?

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Yes...

INT. TEXARKANA FEDERAL PRISON - HOSPITAL WING - CONTINUOUS

Arlen Hird is unflinching as he hears --

EDWARD G. ROBINSON (ON RADIO)
...Arlen Hird. Waldo Salt, Ian
McLellan Hunter.

INT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - MESS - CONTINUOUS

EDWARD G. ROBINSON (ON RADIO)
And Dalton...

-- as is Trumbo --

INT. U.S. CAPITOL - CAUCUS ROOM - CONTINUOUS

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
...Trumbo.

-- Robinson feels relief, hoping this is all now behind him.

INT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - MESS - CONTINUOUS

Brooks looks at the radio, disgusted, as we hear --

EDWARD G. ROBINSON (ON RADIO)
But at the time, it never entered
my mind that any of these people
were Communists...

BROOKS
(to Trumbo)
That guy’s a friend of yours?
(no response from Trumbo)
Lucky he’s out there.

And though he speaks to Trumbo, he speaks at Thomas:

BROOKS (CONT’D)
Snitch like that in here, you’re
fuckin’ dead.

Trumbo leaves a terrified Thomas with a smiling Brooks.
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 59.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In the U.S. Capitol Caucus Room, Edward G. Robinson testifies about his past associations with Communist fronts, naming individuals like Trumbo, which brings him a sense of relief. Meanwhile, in various prison settings, Trumbo and Thomas await the fallout, with Brooks expressing disgust at Robinson's actions and warning Trumbo about the dangers of being linked to a 'snitch.' The scene captures the tension and fear surrounding betrayal, highlighting the stark contrast between political testimony and its personal consequences.
Strengths
  • Strong dialogue
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Reliance on dialogue for tension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and high stakes faced by the characters, with strong dialogue and impactful revelations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the aftermath of Robinson's testimony through the experiences of Trumbo and Brooks adds depth to the narrative, showcasing the impact of betrayal and fear in a tense political climate.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses effectively, focusing on the fallout from Robinson's revelations and the implications for Trumbo and Brooks, advancing the overarching narrative of political persecution and personal struggle.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the theme of loyalty and betrayal, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the time period and setting.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Trumbo and Brooks are well-developed in this scene, with their reactions to Robinson's testimony revealing their fears and vulnerabilities, adding depth to their portrayals.

Character Changes: 8

Both Trumbo and Brooks undergo subtle changes in this scene, as they grapple with the fallout of Robinson's revelations and the fear of betrayal, adding complexity to their character arcs.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to clear his name and distance himself from the Communist accusations. This reflects his deeper need for redemption and the desire to protect his reputation and livelihood.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to provide information about other individuals involved in Communist activities to the authorities. This reflects the immediate challenge of facing interrogation and potential consequences for his actions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene is filled with internal and external conflicts, from the fear of betrayal to the tension between characters, adding depth and intensity to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult choices and potential consequences for their actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the characters face the consequences of potential betrayal and political persecution, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by exploring the repercussions of Robinson's testimony on Trumbo and Brooks, advancing the narrative and deepening the conflict.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting loyalties and moral choices the characters must make.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between loyalty to one's friends and self-preservation. The protagonist must balance his desire to protect himself with the potential betrayal of his colleagues.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, with the characters' reactions to Robinson's testimony and the implications for their futures creating a sense of tension and empathy.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is impactful, conveying the tension and emotions of the characters as they navigate the aftermath of Robinson's revelations, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, moral dilemmas, and high stakes interactions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and clear dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension of the moment, showcasing the gravity of Robinson's testimony and its implications for Trumbo and others. However, the transitions between locations could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative. The abrupt shifts from the U.S. Capitol to various prison settings may confuse the audience if not clearly delineated.
  • The dialogue is impactful, particularly Robinson's admission of names, which heightens the stakes for Trumbo. However, the dialogue could benefit from more emotional depth. Robinson's relief feels somewhat muted; adding a moment of internal conflict or hesitation before naming Trumbo could enhance the dramatic tension.
  • Brooks's character serves as a strong contrast to Trumbo, but his dialogue could be more nuanced. Instead of a straightforward declaration about snitches, consider adding a layer of complexity to his feelings about betrayal and survival in prison. This would deepen the audience's understanding of the prison culture and the stakes involved.
  • The scene's pacing is uneven, particularly in the transitions between the various locations. The shifts could be more deliberate, allowing the audience to absorb the weight of Robinson's testimony before moving to Trumbo's reaction. This would enhance the emotional impact of the scene.
  • The visual elements are strong, but the scene could benefit from more descriptive imagery to evoke the atmosphere of the Capitol and the prison. For instance, describing the physical reactions of Trumbo and Thomas as they hear Robinson's testimony could add to the tension and emotional weight.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of hesitation or internal conflict for Robinson before he names Trumbo, which would heighten the emotional stakes and create a more dramatic moment.
  • Enhance the transitions between locations by using visual or auditory cues that connect the scenes, such as a sound bridge or a visual motif that links the Capitol and the prison.
  • Deepen Brooks's character by incorporating more complex dialogue that reflects his internal struggles and the harsh realities of prison life, rather than a straightforward comment about snitches.
  • Slow down the pacing during key moments, allowing the audience to fully absorb the implications of Robinson's testimony before shifting to Trumbo's reaction. This could involve lingering on facial expressions or physical reactions.
  • Incorporate more vivid descriptions of the settings and characters' physical reactions to enhance the emotional impact of the scene. This could include details about the atmosphere in the Capitol and the prison mess, as well as the characters' body language.



Scene 28 -  Tensions in the Alliance
INT. MOTION PICTURE ALLIANCE OFFICES - LOBBY - DAY

BUSTLING. CROWDED. Edward G. Robinson is seated. Waiting.
His eyes flick to a closed door. Stenciled on it: JOHN
WAYNE, PRESIDENT.

INT. MOTION PICTURE ALLIANCE - WAYNE’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Wayne, Roy Brewer, Hedda and a FEW OTHERS meet.

JOHN WAYNE
Eddie oughta go back to work, he
did what he had to.

HEDDA HOPPER
He did what he was forced to.

JOHN WAYNE
Point is, he did it.

HEDDA HOPPER
Brave men are fighting this battle,
sacrificing in ways we can’t even
imagine, and you talk about some
asshole’s “career”? I’d see Eddie
Robinson and everyone like him dead
if it’d bring one boy back from
Korea. One.

JOHN WAYNE
So what’re you saying? Guys like
Eddie cooperate and get nothin’?
(then)
That isn’t right.

HEDDA HOPPER
Careful, Duke.

JOHN WAYNE
Or what, Hedda?

They stare at each other, neither moving or blinking.

JOHN WAYNE (CONT’D)
If I’m not careful. What?

The room is frozen, cigarette smoke the only moving thing.
Then Hedda breaks the tension with a quick smile.

HEDDA HOPPER
I had no idea you were such a
softie.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 60.
CONTINUED:

Wayne studies her, then allows himself a grin.

JOHN WAYNE
That’s me. All cuddles.

INT. MOTION PICTURE ALLIANCE OFFICES - LOBBY - DAY

Wayne walks Robinson out.

JOHN WAYNE
I’m proud of ya, Eddie.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
(flat, far off)
Thanks, Duke.

JOHN WAYNE
Wasn’t easy, I know, but ya did
good. I’m gonna call the studios,
the offers’ll pour in.
(off Robinson’s mute nod)
Y’okay?

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Sure. Thanks. And tell Hedda...
(beat)
Give her my love, willya?

JOHN WAYNE
Not sure she’d know what to do with
it. That is one hard broad.

CUT TO:

NEWSREEL FOOTAGE - STOCK

Of the end of the ROSENBERG espionage trial. The Couple has
been found guilty of selling atomic secrets to Russia and
sentenced to death, then...

CUT TO:

NEWSREEL FOOTAGE - STOCK

Of SENATOR JOSEPH McCARTHY’S rise as he purports to uncover
Communists throughout the United States.

INT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - PRISONER PROCESSING - NIGHT

Spring, 1951. The same room where Trumbo was stripped naked
and examined upon his entrance. Now he is back in his suit,
tie and overcoat. His wedding ring, lighter, cigarette case
and holder are returned by a GUARD.
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 61.


EXT. ASHLAND FEDERAL PRISON - OUTSIDE THE FRONT GATE - NIGHT

A taxi idles. Cleo waits. A SILHOUETTE approaches on the
other side of the closed gate, which RUMBLES open, revealing
Trumbo, now free. Cleo smiles, they move into one another at
last and kiss, then --

EXT. LAZY-T RANCH - DAY

-- Trumbo drowns in the hugs of Chris, 10, and Mitzi, 6.

DALTON TRUMBO
Giants! What have you huge,
beautiful strangers done with my
little ones?

Niki appears in a dress. Tall. Almost 13. A young woman.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
Good God.
(as he moves to her)
Lipstick?

NIKI
(embarrassed)
Da-aaad.

He takes her hands and kisses her cheek. Then the five
reunited Trumbos move into the house, REVEALING:

A “FOR SALE” sign on a fence and tacked across it: “SOLD.”
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Motion Picture Alliance lobby, Edward G. Robinson anxiously awaits John Wayne, who is inside arguing with Hedda Hopper about Robinson's sacrifices during the McCarthy era. Wayne defends Robinson's choices, expressing pride in him, while Hopper challenges the significance of careers compared to soldiers' sacrifices. Their heated exchange reveals the conflict between personal integrity and societal expectations, but ends on a lighter note as they share a brief smile. The scene transitions to newsreel footage of the Rosenberg trial and concludes with Trumbo's emotional reunion with his family after prison.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension
  • Character development
  • Plot progression
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may feel heavy-handed

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional depth of the characters, the tension between them, and the significant impact of their choices. It sets the stage for further development and resolution in the storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of internal conflict, external pressures, and personal sacrifices is effectively portrayed in the scene. It explores complex themes and character dynamics that add depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene, with key revelations, conflicts, and resolutions that drive the story forward. The scene sets up important developments and character arcs for future events.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era, focusing on the personal and emotional impact on individuals rather than just the political ramifications. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and true to the historical context.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their emotional struggles are portrayed convincingly. The interactions between the characters reveal their depth, motivations, and conflicts, adding layers to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional and internal changes in the scene, grappling with difficult decisions, personal sacrifices, and the consequences of their actions. These changes drive their character arcs and development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to navigate the moral and ethical dilemmas of the Hollywood blacklist and McCarthyism. This reflects his deeper need for integrity and standing up for his beliefs.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to reunite with his family and return to a sense of normalcy after being released from prison. This reflects the immediate circumstances of his personal life and the impact of his political beliefs on his family.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is palpable, with internal struggles, external pressures, and emotional tensions driving the interactions between the characters. The stakes are high, adding intensity to the narrative.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotional stakes that keep the audience guessing about the characters' choices and outcomes.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with personal, professional, and political consequences at play. The characters face difficult choices and sacrifices that have a profound impact on their lives and relationships.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward significantly, introducing key developments, conflicts, and resolutions that shape the narrative. It sets the stage for future events and character growth.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and emotional revelations between the characters. The audience is kept on edge by the conflicting viewpoints and unresolved tensions.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between loyalty to one's principles and the pressure to conform to societal expectations. Hedda represents the uncompromising stance against McCarthyism, while Wayne struggles with the balance between cooperation and resistance.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting empathy, tension, and reflection from the audience. The characters' struggles and sacrifices resonate emotionally, drawing the viewer into their world.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and reflective of the characters' emotions and conflicts. It effectively conveys the tension, drama, and personal stakes involved in the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high emotional stakes, sharp dialogue, and complex character dynamics. The conflict between the characters keeps the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional intensity, with well-timed pauses and character beats. The rhythm of the dialogue adds to the overall impact of the confrontation.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected format for a dialogue-heavy dramatic scene, with clear scene headings and character actions. The use of newsreel footage adds a unique visual element to the storytelling.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic confrontation, with escalating tension and emotional stakes. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the dialogue and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between John Wayne and Hedda Hopper, showcasing their conflicting views on the sacrifices made by individuals like Edward G. Robinson. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the conflict. While the characters express their opinions, the stakes feel somewhat low, and the emotional weight of their arguments could be heightened.
  • The transition from the intense conversation in Wayne's office to the more subdued interaction between Wayne and Robinson lacks a clear emotional arc. The scene could be improved by adding a moment of reflection or internal conflict for Robinson as he leaves Wayne's office, emphasizing the toll that the situation has taken on him.
  • The use of newsreel footage to transition to the next scene is a strong choice, but it feels abrupt. The connection between Robinson's testimony and the broader political climate could be made clearer. Consider adding a line or two of dialogue that ties Robinson's experience to the larger narrative of the Rosenberg trial and McCarthy's rise, reinforcing the stakes for all characters involved.
  • The final moments of the scene, where Trumbo is reunited with his family, are heartwarming but could use more emotional depth. The dialogue feels somewhat light and could be enhanced by incorporating Trumbo's internal thoughts or feelings about his family's changes during his absence, making the reunion more poignant.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue between Wayne and Hopper to create a stronger emotional impact. This could involve them referencing personal stakes or past experiences that inform their current views.
  • Introduce a moment of introspection for Robinson as he leaves Wayne's office, perhaps reflecting on the sacrifices he has made and the uncertain future ahead, which would add depth to his character.
  • Enhance the transition to the newsreel footage by including a line of dialogue that connects Robinson's situation to the broader political context, emphasizing the stakes involved in the Hollywood blacklist.
  • In the reunion scene, incorporate Trumbo's internal monologue to express his feelings about the changes in his family during his absence, which would add emotional weight to the moment and make it more relatable for the audience.



Scene 29 -  Navigating Tensions in Hollywood
INT. CHASEN’S - DAY

CROWDED. Trumbo enters and sees Arlen Hird at the far end of
the bar, makes his way to him, as a KNOT OF BUSINESSMEN cross
his path. Trumbo bumps one.

DALTON TRUMBO
Pardon me, I’m terribly --

It’s Buddy Ross. Trumbo is delighted.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
Buddy. How are you?

Buddy is highly aware of the men in his group, watching him.

BUDDY ROSS
(to Trumbo, icy)
I got nothin’ to say to you.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 62.
CONTINUED:

Buddy turns and strides off, followed by the men, all of whom
WHISPER to each other.

INT. CHASEN’S - AT THE BAR - LATER

Trumbo and Hird sip their cocktails.

DALTON TRUMBO
So. Jail’s given us the plague.

ARLEN HIRD
Buddy was always an asshole.

He glances into the restaurant dining area, where he can see
Buddy animatedly making a pitch to that group of men.

ARLEN HIRD (CONT’D)
And he’s in trouble. Three movies,
three flops.
(re: Buddy’s sweaty chatter)
Look at him. Tryin’ to sell his
soul but can’t find it. Just hope
he stays afloat long enough to get
the shit sued out of him.

DALTON TRUMBO
By whom?

ARLEN HIRD
You, me, all of us, go on the
offensive this time, sue the
studios, all these guys, use their
own capitalist system against them,
in civil court -- make ’em admit
under oath --

DALTON TRUMBO
-- No, no, no, Jesus, haven’t you
spent enough time in court? I
have.

ARLEN HIRD
What do you, got a better idea?

DALTON TRUMBO
Do the one thing everyone says we
can’t. Work.

EXT. RUNDOWN HOLLYWOOD BACK STREET - DAY

Trumbo crosses a courtyard of slouching palms and tobacco-
colored bungalows, the offices of: KING BROTHERS PICTURES.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 63.
CONTINUED:

FRANK KING (PRE-LAP)
Look. You’re a great writer...
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a crowded Chasen's restaurant, Dalton Trumbo encounters Arlen Hird and has a tense interaction with Buddy Ross, highlighting their strained relationship. As Trumbo and Hird discuss the challenges of their industry, Hird proposes a legal strategy against the studios, but Trumbo argues for focusing on work instead. The scene captures the conflicting perspectives on how to navigate their struggles in Hollywood, ending with Trumbo walking towards King Brothers Pictures, symbolizing a shift towards action.
Strengths
  • Tension-filled confrontation
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Introduction of new plot elements
Weaknesses
  • Limited character development
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and conflict between the characters, setting up potential future developments. It also introduces a new plot point regarding legal action against the studios, adding depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene, focusing on the confrontation and potential legal action, adds depth to the narrative and raises the stakes for the characters. It introduces new elements that drive the story forward and create intrigue.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is crucial in establishing the conflict between Trumbo and Buddy Ross, as well as introducing the idea of legal action against the studios. It moves the story forward and sets up future developments effectively.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh perspective on the film industry and the challenges faced by artists, with authentic dialogue and complex character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Trumbo and Buddy Ross are well-developed in this scene, with their animosity and conflicting motivations clearly portrayed. Their interactions drive the tension and conflict, adding depth to their personalities.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the confrontation between Trumbo and Buddy Ross sets the stage for potential development in their relationship and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal is to navigate the complex relationships and power dynamics within the industry while maintaining his integrity and creative vision.

External Goal: 7

Trumbo's external goal is to find a way to continue working and creating despite the challenges and obstacles he faces, such as legal battles and industry backlash.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with the tension between Trumbo and Buddy Ross driving the narrative forward. The confrontation and differing motivations create a compelling dynamic that keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and motivations driving the characters' actions.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene, as the confrontation between Trumbo and Buddy Ross could have significant consequences for both characters. The introduction of legal action raises the stakes even further.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing new plot elements and raising the stakes for the characters. It sets up future conflicts and developments, driving the narrative towards resolution.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected interactions between the characters and the shifting power dynamics.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between maintaining artistic integrity and succumbing to the pressures of the industry. Trumbo and Hird represent different approaches to dealing with the challenges they face, with Trumbo advocating for hard work and Hird suggesting a more confrontational approach.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, with the tension and defiance between the characters evoking a sense of unease and anticipation. The resilience of the characters adds depth to their emotional journey.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and impactful, conveying the tension and defiance between Trumbo and Buddy Ross. It effectively reveals their motivations and sets the tone for future interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension between the characters, the high stakes involved, and the moral dilemmas presented.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and action.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character actions, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character introductions, conflict development, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Trumbo and Buddy Ross, showcasing the fallout from their past interactions. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by providing more context about their relationship and the reasons for Buddy's coldness. This would help the audience understand the weight of the moment and Trumbo's feelings of rejection.
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Hird is engaging, but it could benefit from more subtext. While Hird's comments about Buddy's failures are humorous, they also serve to highlight the desperation of their situation. Adding layers to their conversation could deepen the audience's connection to their plight and the stakes involved in their discussions about suing the studios.
  • The transition from the bar to the rundown Hollywood back street feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene. Consider adding a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects Trumbo's thoughts in the bar to his actions outside, reinforcing the thematic elements of struggle and resilience.
  • The visual descriptions are somewhat generic. More vivid imagery could enhance the atmosphere of Chasen's and the Hollywood back street. For example, describing the sounds, smells, or the ambiance of the bar could immerse the audience further into the setting and the characters' experiences.
  • The scene ends with a strong line from Trumbo about working instead of suing, which is a great thematic statement. However, it could be more impactful if it were followed by a moment of silence or a reaction shot from Hird, allowing the weight of Trumbo's words to resonate before the scene transitions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a flashback or a brief dialogue that hints at Trumbo and Buddy's past relationship to provide context for their current tension.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue between Trumbo and Hird to reflect their desperation and the stakes of their situation, perhaps by having them discuss personal sacrifices they've made.
  • Create a smoother transition between the bar and the back street by including a moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects Trumbo's thoughts to his actions.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of Chasen's and the Hollywood back street to create a more immersive atmosphere, using sensory details to draw the audience into the scene.
  • After Trumbo's impactful line about working, include a moment of silence or a reaction shot from Hird to emphasize the significance of Trumbo's decision and allow the audience to absorb the weight of his words.



Scene 30 -  Negotiation Tensions
INT. KING BROTHERS PICTURES - FRANK’S OFFICE - DAY

Trumbo sits across from a beefy, harried, vaguely menacing
man in his 40s named:

FRANK KING
...we make shit. I don’t see it.

DALTON TRUMBO
Mr. King, I’m a screenwriter. If I
couldn’t write shit, I’d starve.

On the walls, lurid posters of King Brothers movies: star-
free gangster, horror, sci-fi and western quickies.

FRANK KING
We can’t afford you.

DALTON TRUMBO
How much did you pay for the script
of...
(points to western poster)
...that?

FRANK KING
Twelve-hundred bucks.

DALTON TRUMBO
I’ll write you a movie for twelve
hundred, then.

FRANK KING
And you don’t want your name on it.

DALTON TRUMBO
No, you don’t want my name on it.

HYMIE KING (O.S.)
You got that right...

And in a corner WE REVEAL Frank’s younger brother, HYMIE,
owlish and clenched with worry.

HYMIE KING (CONT’D)
...especially if you’re still...
y’know... up to stuff. Are ya?

DALTON TRUMBO
Perpetually.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 64.
CONTINUED:

HYMIE KING
Jesus.

FRANK KING
Got any ideas?

DALTON TRUMBO
Well, I just got out of prison, how
about crime? The story of a
gangster, his rise and fall?

FRANK KING
I’ve seen that a few times.

DALTON TRUMBO
Because it always makes money.

FRANK KING
And when do I get the product?

DALTON TRUMBO
(rising)
Three days.

FRANK KING
A hundred page script in three
days? You tryin’ to fuck me? You
fuck me and I will fuck you --

DALTON TRUMBO
Mr. King, I’ve heard this speech.
It was better in jail.
Genres: ["Drama","Crime"]

Summary In Frank King's office at King Brothers Pictures, Dalton Trumbo attempts to negotiate a script deal despite Frank's skepticism about his past and budget constraints. Trumbo confidently proposes to write a script for the same price as a previous one, but Frank remains unconvinced, leading to a tense and sarcastic exchange. Hymie King expresses concern about the risks of hiring Trumbo, intensifying the conflict. The scene ends with Trumbo standing his ground, leaving the negotiation unresolved.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension-filled negotiation
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional depth
  • Slightly predictable outcome

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the adversarial relationship between Trumbo and King, setting up a compelling conflict and showcasing Trumbo's resilience and wit in the face of adversity.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a struggling writer negotiating with a B-movie producer is engaging and offers insight into the challenges faced by artists in the industry.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around Trumbo's attempt to secure a writing job while navigating the power dynamics with King. It moves the story forward by showcasing Trumbo's resourcefulness and determination.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the struggle between artistic integrity and commercial success in the film industry. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Trumbo and King are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the conflict in the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Trumbo demonstrates his adaptability and resilience in the face of adversity, showcasing a subtle character change as he navigates the negotiation with King.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal is to prove his worth as a screenwriter despite the low-budget nature of the production company. This reflects his need for validation and recognition of his talent.

External Goal: 7

Trumbo's external goal is to secure a writing job for the production company by pitching a movie idea that will make money.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Trumbo and King drives the scene, creating tension and drama that keeps the audience engaged.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics between Trumbo and the Kings creating tension and uncertainty.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for Trumbo, as he must secure work to support his family and navigate the challenges of the blacklist era.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by establishing Trumbo's next challenge and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics between Trumbo and the Kings, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between artistic integrity and commercial success. Trumbo believes in the profitability of crime stories, while Frank King is skeptical due to their overuse.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a range of emotions, from tension to defiance, but may not have a deep emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and confrontational, effectively conveying the power struggle between Trumbo and King.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the witty dialogue, tension between characters, and the high stakes of securing a writing job.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through sharp dialogue and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a dialogue-heavy scene in a screenplay.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven, character-focused scene in a screenplay.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Frank King is sharp and witty, effectively showcasing Trumbo's confidence and resourcefulness in a challenging situation. However, the scene could benefit from more emotional depth. While the banter is entertaining, it lacks a sense of urgency or stakes that would make the audience more invested in Trumbo's plight. Adding a layer of desperation or a personal motivation for Trumbo could enhance the tension.
  • The character of Frank King comes off as somewhat one-dimensional. While he is portrayed as menacing and harried, giving him a more nuanced perspective could create a more dynamic interaction. Perhaps he could express his own fears about the industry or his financial struggles, which would make his skepticism towards Trumbo more relatable.
  • The pacing of the scene feels a bit rushed, particularly towards the end. The rapid-fire dialogue is engaging, but it may overwhelm the audience. Slowing down the rhythm slightly, especially during key moments of tension, could allow for more impactful reactions and a better emotional connection.
  • The visual elements, such as the lurid posters on the walls, effectively set the tone of the scene. However, incorporating more specific details about the office environment could further enhance the atmosphere. For example, describing the clutter or the smell of stale coffee could ground the scene in a more vivid reality.
  • The use of humor is effective, but it might overshadow the seriousness of Trumbo's situation. Balancing the comedic elements with moments of gravity could create a more compelling narrative. For instance, Trumbo could reflect on the implications of his blacklisting while engaging in the banter, adding layers to his character.
Suggestions
  • Introduce a personal stake for Trumbo in this negotiation, such as financial pressures or a desire to prove himself after his time in prison, to heighten the emotional stakes.
  • Develop Frank King's character further by giving him a backstory or motivations that explain his skepticism towards Trumbo, making him a more complex antagonist.
  • Consider slowing down the pacing in key moments to allow for more dramatic tension, particularly when Trumbo is making his pitch or when Frank reacts to his demands.
  • Enhance the visual description of the office environment to create a more immersive setting, using sensory details to evoke the atmosphere of the film industry during this period.
  • Balance the humor with moments of seriousness, allowing Trumbo to reflect on the consequences of his situation while still engaging in witty banter.



Scene 31 -  Balancing Act
INT. LAZY-T RANCH - STUDY - NIGHT

Trumbo writes, cigarette fuming like a factory chimney. The
shelves are stripped, moving boxes piled everywhere. He
arches, his back hurting so much he actually stops.

INT. LAZY-T RANCH - BATHROOM - NIGHT

Trumbo is naked in the tub again. He adds scotch to his
coffee and scribbles on typed scripts, pain-free.

INT. KING BROTHERS - OUTER OFFICE - DAY

Trumbo waits in the room’s only guest chair. A CURVACEOUS
RECEPTIONIST hunts flies with a swatter.

A door jerks open and a flushed Frank King stands hugely in
the doorway, holding a script.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 65.
CONTINUED:

FRANK KING
Are you kiddin’ me with this?

Trumbo looks up at him, alarmed. The Receptionist freezes in
mid-swat. Frank lunges at Trumbo, grabs his right hand,
shakes it hard, then YELLS into another doorway:

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
Hymie! Get out here! Pay the man!

Hymie emerges, pulls out a roll of cash, peels off fifties.

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
Now look, we got this one, killer
in a swamp? Best character’s the
swamp. Plus, women in prison,
fighting in their underwear -- it’s
perfect except it stinks.
(to Hymie)
What else?

HYMIE KING
Pirates. Can’t afford the ocean.

FRANK KING
Fix ’em all.

EXT. HIGHLAND PARK NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY

1952. A working-class section of Los Angeles. Small, neat
houses; older cars. On this Sunday, MEN in sport shirts tend
to both, while WOMEN walk baby carriages or trim flowers and
KIDS play. A moving truck RUMBLES past, followed by --

INT./EXT. TRUMBO’S CAR - DRIVING/HIGHLAND PARK - CONTINUOUS

Trumbo at the wheel, Cleo beside him, the three kids in back,
all taking in this new block.

Trumbo’s gaze settles on a presidential election lawn sign:
EISENHOWER/NIXON, featuring photos of the two candidates.

Trumbo focuses on Nixon’s wide grin.

EXT. THE NEW TRUMBO HOME - HIGHLAND PARK - DAY

Lovely, compact. MOVERS unload furniture from their truck.
Niki pours lemonade for some who take a break.

NIKI
Hard work, you holding up okay?
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 66.


EXT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - BACK PATIO - DAY

Beside a shimmering pool, Trumbo and Mitzi tend to a tiny,
injured bird. She is upset, Trumbo warmly calm.

DALTON TRUMBO
It’s a broken wing but he’s going
to be just fine, sweetie.

MITZI
He’s scared.

DALTON TRUMBO
We’ll get him some water, some
nice, yummy worms, go inside, ask
mom for a shoebox.

She runs into the house. Trumbo cups the bird.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a cluttered study at the Lazy-T Ranch, Dalton Trumbo grapples with back pain while writing. He finds relief in a bath, mixing scotch with coffee as he works on scripts. Later, in the King Brothers office, Trumbo faces the enthusiastic Frank King, who critiques his work and ensures payment from Hymie. The scene shifts to Trumbo's new home in Highland Park, where he and his daughter Mitzi care for an injured bird, highlighting their emotional bond amidst Trumbo's professional struggles.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Resilience theme
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Some dialogue could be more impactful

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys a sense of resilience and renewal through Trumbo's actions and interactions with his family. The mix of tension, reflection, and warmth creates a compelling narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of resilience and renewal in the face of adversity is effectively portrayed through Trumbo's actions and the family's transition to a new home, adding depth to the character and story.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses by showing Trumbo's physical pain, financial struggles, and the family's move to a new home, setting up new challenges and opportunities for the characters.

Originality: 8

The scene demonstrates a level of originality through its portrayal of personal and professional challenges in the entertainment industry. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth and realism to the story.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Trumbo and his family, are well-developed and show resilience, warmth, and determination in the face of difficulties, adding depth to the scene.

Character Changes: 7

Trumbo shows resilience and determination in the face of physical pain and financial struggles, while the family adapts to a new home, indicating subtle character changes and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges of his career and personal life while dealing with physical pain and emotional turmoil. This reflects his deeper needs for recognition and success, his fears of failure and rejection, and his desires for creative fulfillment and personal happiness.

External Goal: 7

Trumbo's external goal in this scene is to secure a deal for his script and navigate the challenges of the entertainment industry. This reflects the immediate circumstances and challenges he's facing in his career.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

The conflict in the scene is more internal, focusing on Trumbo's physical pain, financial struggles, and the family's adjustment to a new home, rather than external confrontations.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing challenges and conflicts that add tension and uncertainty to the story. The audience is left wondering how the characters will overcome these obstacles.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are moderate in the scene, focusing more on personal challenges and transitions rather than high external conflicts, but still important for character development.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing new challenges and opportunities for the characters, setting up future developments and character arcs.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the characters' interactions and the challenges they face. The audience is kept on their toes, unsure of how the scene will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the tension between artistic integrity and commercial success. This is highlighted through the discussion about script ideas that prioritize marketability over creativity, challenging Trumbo's beliefs and values as a writer.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and reflection to warmth and hope, creating a strong emotional impact on the audience.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotions and challenges faced by the characters, with moments of warmth, tension, and reflection adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, emotional depth, and compelling storytelling. The audience is drawn into Trumbo's personal journey and struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and emotion with quieter, reflective moments. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a focus on character interactions and development.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Trumbo's struggle with pain and his determination to write, but the transitions between locations feel abrupt. The shift from the study to the bathroom and then to King Brothers could benefit from smoother transitions or connective dialogue to maintain narrative flow.
  • The dialogue from Frank King is lively and captures his character well, but it could be more focused. The mention of 'women in prison, fighting in their underwear' feels somewhat gratuitous and could detract from the seriousness of Trumbo's situation. Consider refining this dialogue to maintain the tone and focus on the stakes involved.
  • The introduction of the Highland Park neighborhood is visually rich, but it lacks emotional weight. The scene could benefit from Trumbo's internal thoughts or reflections on moving to this new place, which would deepen the audience's connection to his character and the significance of this change.
  • The interaction between Trumbo and his daughter Mitzi is sweet and serves to humanize him, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding tension with Frank King. A stronger emotional link between Trumbo's professional struggles and his family life could enhance the scene's impact.
  • The pacing of the scene is uneven. The initial tension with Frank King is engaging, but the subsequent scenes feel more leisurely. Balancing the pacing to maintain tension throughout would help keep the audience engaged.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Trumbo's internal monologue as he transitions from the study to the bathroom, reflecting on his pain and the importance of writing despite it.
  • Refine Frank King's dialogue to focus on the stakes of the script rather than including potentially distracting elements. This will help maintain the scene's tone and keep the audience's attention on Trumbo's challenges.
  • Incorporate a moment where Trumbo reflects on the significance of moving to Highland Park, perhaps through a conversation with Cleo or a voiceover, to deepen the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Strengthen the connection between Trumbo's professional struggles and his family life by having him express his worries about their financial situation or the impact of his work on his family during his interaction with Mitzi.
  • Adjust the pacing by tightening the dialogue and actions in the King Brothers section to maintain a sense of urgency, ensuring that the transition to the Highland Park neighborhood feels like a natural progression rather than a lull.



Scene 32 -  Vandalism and Vigilance
INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAYS LATER

The house has been completely moved into. Cleo comes down
the stairs in a bathing suit.

CLEO
C’mon, Mitzi!

Mitzi races down the stairs, also in a bathing suit. Mother
and daughter cross through the house, excited. They pass a
YAWNING Trumbo still in his robe. He opens the front door --

EXT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - CONTINUOUS

-- to get the paper and lying next to it, sees a plain
envelope.

Trumbo picks it up and opens it. It reads in block letters --

WELCOME TRAITOR. WE DID THE POOL. - YOUR NEIGHBORS

Alarmed, Trumbo hurries out to --

INT./EXT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - BACK PATIO -
CONTINUOUS

-- where Cleo comforts Mitzi, upset as Trumbo exits the house
to see --

-- their pool fouled with garbage, dirt, floating dead rats.
Trumbo immediately moves to his wife and child.

DALTON TRUMBO
All right. Inside.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 67.
CONTINUED:

He glances across his fence and sees his NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR,
30s, tight white t-shirt, watering his lawn. And an
unmistakably big, shit-eating grin on his face.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Trumbo presides over the family dinner.

DALTON TRUMBO
There are many ignorant, angry
people in the world. And they
appear to be breeding in record
numbers. All we can do is stay
together and remain vigilant.

EXT. LOS ANGELES MOVIE THEATRE 2 - NIGHT

Fall, 1953, as WE FIND the bright marquee, announcing:

Roman Holiday. Starring Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn.
Below that, a lit poster for the breezy romantic comedy.
TIGHT on the movie’s credits and ISOLATE:

Original Story by Ian McLellan Hunter.

INT. LOS ANGELES MOVIE THEATRE 2 - CONTINUOUS

Among the ROWS of MOVIE FANS, Dalton and Cleo Trumbo enjoy a
lovely, funny scene, LAUGHING with the rest of the audience,
though perhaps with a bit more restraint.

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER (PRE-LAP)
Big hit, great reviews --

INT. DINER - DOWNTOWN L.A. - DAY

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
-- haven’t worked in nine months.

Trumbo sips coffee. Hunter reaches for the cream.

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER (CONT’D)
You?

DALTON TRUMBO
There aren’t quite enough zeroes in
a King Brothers salary to survive --

FLASHBACK TO:

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - DAY

Trumbo at the typewriter, surrounded by empty shelves.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 68.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
-- but they need scripts like an
army needs food. Quality, minimal;
quantity, maximal.

THIS OFFICE MORPHS OVER THE YEAR

As Trumbo writes, never leaving the desk, as if chained. And
WITHOUT A SINGLE CUT, all around him, the shelves fill with
scripts, the office growing more and more cluttered.

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
Every work week is seven days,
every day is fourteen hours, every
minute I’m behind. And I’m
becoming a stranger in my own home.

BACK TO:

INT. DINER - DOWNTOWN L.A. - DAY

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
They need five of you.

Trumbo smiles slyly.

INT. MUSSO AND FRANK - NIGHT - TIGHT ON A TABLE

Of FIVE MEN, including Ian McLellan Hunter and Arlen Hird.
Though they’re sipping cocktails and coffee, they have the
clenched look of people in the middle of a job interview.
Which is not far from the truth because --

FRANK KING (O.S.)
The only question is, can these
pinkos write?

SEVERAL TABLES AWAY - FRANK AND HYMIE KING AND TRUMBO

Sit, the Kings looking over the table of writers like used
goods at a garage sale:

DALTON TRUMBO
(points)
That’s Ian McLellan Hunter.

FRANK KING
(impressed)
Guy wrote Roman Holiday.

HYMIE KING
Guy just got subpoenaed.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 69.
CONTINUED:

FRANK KING
Guy just got nominated.

DALTON TRUMBO
Everyone at that table’s been
nominated.

Frank nods. A waiter delivers drinks as a BUXOM STARLET
bends to whisper to Frank, who nods, kisses her hand, sends
her along. Hymie looks faintly ill with dread.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
It’d be like this... I find the
writer and work with him. He
delivers the script to me. If it’s
good, I’ll give it to you, if it’s
bad, I’ll fix it. Nobody gets paid
till you’re happy.

HYMIE KING
(scared, whispers)
And these writers are... all...
all, uh...

FRANK KING
Blacklisted, Jesus, you’re such a
chickenshit.

HYMIE KING
Y’know, we’re at war with the
Communists.

FRANK KING
No, we’re not.

HYMIE KING
It’s a new kind of war.

FRANK KING
Yeah, doesn’t exist, very new.

HYMIE KING
What about the Rosenbergs?

FRANK KING
What about ’em?

HYMIE KING
They stole the atom bomb.

FRANK KING
They didn’t steal it off a fuckin’
camera truck.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 70.
CONTINUED: (2)

Four of the five writers try to appear blandly appealing.
Only Arlen waves, coquettish. Hunter throws him a glare.

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
(to Trumbo, earnestly)
Look. We bought a gorilla suit.
And we gotta use it.

INT. MUSSO AND FRANK - HALLWAY - NIGHT

Hird, Hunter and the other blacklistees confer with Trumbo.

ARLEN HIRD
So you had five jobs, now we got
’em all and you got none?

DALTON TRUMBO
I’m now free to go get five more
jobs and five more writers. Then
you each get five more jobs, five
more writers --

ARLEN HIRD
To keep that going, we’d need to
write every script in the business.

DALTON TRUMBO
(faux innocence)
What a thought, Arlen. Lord,
you’re a devious lad.
(then)
So who wants to write a gorilla
movie?

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
Who doesn’t?
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In the Trumbo family's living room, Cleo and Mitzi eagerly prepare for a day outside, but their excitement is shattered when Trumbo discovers a threatening note from their neighbors, accusing him of treachery and revealing that they have vandalized his pool. Alarmed, Trumbo rushes to the backyard to find the pool filled with garbage and dead rats, prompting him to bring his family inside for safety. At dinner, he addresses the family's need to stay united in the face of ignorance and anger. The scene shifts to a movie theater where Trumbo and Cleo share a moment of laughter while watching 'Roman Holiday,' before transitioning to a diner where Trumbo confides in Ian McLellan Hunter about the struggles of blacklisted writers. The scene concludes with Trumbo proposing a collaborative plan to help fellow writers find work.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Resilience theme
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potentially predictable resolution

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the tension and emotional turmoil faced by the characters while showcasing their resilience and unity. The conflict and stakes are high, and the emotional impact is significant.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the challenges faced by the Trumbo family in their new neighborhood is compelling and adds depth to the character dynamics.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the aftermath of a threatening incident and the family's response, effectively moving the story forward and adding layers to the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era, focusing on the personal and professional struggles of a blacklisted screenwriter.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Dalton Trumbo and Cleo, are well-developed and show resilience and unity in the face of adversity. Their interactions and reactions feel authentic and engaging.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, especially Cleo and Mitzi, show resilience and unity in the face of adversity, showcasing their growth and strength.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal is to protect his family and maintain his integrity in the face of external threats and challenges.

External Goal: 7

Trumbo's external goal is to navigate the challenges of being blacklisted in Hollywood and continue working as a screenwriter.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is high, with the threatening incident and the family's response creating tension and emotional turmoil.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene, represented by the neighbors' vandalism and societal pressures, adds conflict and complexity to Trumbo's journey.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, with the threatening incident and the family's unity being tested, adding tension and emotional depth to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by introducing a new conflict and showcasing the family's response, adding depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene has some unpredictability in the pool vandalism incident, but the overall narrative direction is somewhat predictable.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The scene presents a conflict between Trumbo's values of artistic freedom and integrity against the societal pressures of conformity and anti-communist sentiment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a significant emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, resilience, and unity. The audience is likely to be emotionally engaged with the characters and their struggles.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension, emotion, and resilience of the characters. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the character dynamics.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its mix of tension, humor, and emotional depth, keeping the audience invested in the characters' struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, enhancing the impact of key moments and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character development and conflict resolution, fitting the genre of historical drama.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the tension between Trumbo's personal life and the external pressures he faces as a blacklisted writer. The juxtaposition of Cleo and Mitzi's excitement against Trumbo's alarming discovery creates a strong emotional contrast that highlights the impact of societal judgment on his family.
  • The dialogue in the family dinner scene is poignant, as it encapsulates Trumbo's frustration with the ignorance and anger in the world. However, it could benefit from more specificity or personal anecdotes to deepen the emotional resonance and make it feel less like a general statement.
  • The transition from the family dinner to the movie theater is somewhat abrupt. While it serves to illustrate Trumbo's ongoing struggles in the industry, the connection between the two scenes could be strengthened. A brief moment of reflection from Trumbo about the irony of watching a film he wrote under another name could enhance the emotional weight.
  • The visual elements, such as the description of the pool being fouled with garbage and dead rats, are effective in conveying the hostility Trumbo faces from his neighbors. However, the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience further in the setting, such as the sounds of the neighborhood or the smell of the pool.
  • The use of voiceover to convey Trumbo's thoughts while he is at the diner is a strong narrative choice, but it may feel slightly disjointed from the preceding scenes. Ensuring a smoother transition into the flashback could help maintain narrative flow and coherence.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Trumbo reflects on the note from his neighbors before he rushes to the backyard. This could provide insight into his emotional state and deepen the audience's understanding of his character's turmoil.
  • Enhance the family dinner dialogue by incorporating specific examples of ignorance or anger that Trumbo has encountered, making his statements feel more personal and relatable.
  • Create a more seamless transition between the family dinner and the movie theater scene by including a brief moment where Trumbo expresses his mixed feelings about watching a film he wrote under a pseudonym, reinforcing the theme of identity and recognition.
  • Incorporate more sensory details in the description of the backyard scene, such as the sounds of the neighborhood or the smell of the pool, to create a more immersive experience for the audience.
  • Ensure that the voiceover during the diner scene flows naturally from the previous scene. Consider using a visual cue or a character's action that leads into the flashback to maintain narrative continuity.



Scene 33 -  A Family Business in the Shadows
INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - DINING AREA - DAY

Trumbo stands. His wife and three children sit.

DALTON TRUMBO
We now work at midnight, in thick
fog, among strangers.

The four Trumbos stare at him, all confused.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
Not... literally.
(then)
We’re running a family business.

CUT TO:
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 71.


INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - FRONT HALL - DAY

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
We’ll be adding new phone lines.

A phone on a table. Then ANOTHER DISSOLVES IN alongside it.
Then ANOTHER. One RINGS.

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
When you answer, never say “Trumbo
residence,” just --

Chris, 12, picks up the phone.

CHRIS
Hello.

A MAN’S VOICE (ON PHONE)
Is John Abbott there?

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
Whoever they ask for, find me or --

CHRIS
No, sir, may I take a message?

He listens as he writes a message for “John Abbott.”

BACK TO:

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

DALTON TRUMBO
The door must be answered at all
hours.

CUT TO:

INT./EXT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - NIGHT

A DOORBELL CHIMES. Mitzi, 8, opens it. A UNIFORMED
MESSENGER stands, checking a clipboard.

MESSENGER
Got a pickup from... Sally
Stubblefield?

Mitzi checks a side table stacked with large envelopes, finds
the one marked “Sally Stubblefield” and hands it to the
Messenger.

MESSENGER (CONT’D)
Can I get your dad to sign?


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 72.
CONTINUED:

She scribbles on the clipboard like a pro and shuts the door.

BACK TO:

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

DALTON TRUMBO
Dictation, short hand and typing
will be learned. Those of legal
age will have one of the most
important jobs imaginable.

CUT TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Dalton Trumbo introduces his family to their new secretive business, emphasizing the importance of secrecy and teamwork. He instructs his children on handling phone calls and deliveries, showcasing their growing involvement. As Chris takes a message for 'John Abbott' and Mitzi confidently interacts with a messenger, Dalton outlines the skills they will learn, fostering a sense of purpose and bonding within the family.
Strengths
  • Family unity
  • Resilience
  • Authentic character interactions
Weaknesses
  • Lack of significant character development
  • Moderate conflict level

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.2

The scene effectively conveys the importance of family unity and shared responsibility in the face of adversity. The serious tone and instructional nature of Dalton Trumbo's dialogue add depth to the characters and their situation.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of a family coming together to run a business in the midst of external pressures is compelling. It adds depth to the characters and showcases their resilience in the face of adversity.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the family dynamics and the challenges they encounter, particularly the vandalism of their property. It moves the story forward by highlighting the unity and strength of the Trumbo family.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the spy genre by focusing on a family unit engaged in covert activities, adding depth and complexity to the characters' actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters, especially Dalton Trumbo, are well-developed in this scene. Their interactions and dialogue reveal their personalities and the importance of family to them.

Character Changes: 6

There is not significant character change in this scene, as the focus is more on showcasing the family's unity and strength in the face of challenges.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain the facade of a normal family life while secretly engaging in their covert activities. This reflects his need to protect his family and maintain a sense of normalcy amidst the chaos of their work.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to successfully run their covert operation without drawing suspicion from outsiders. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing their secret work with their public image.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 6

While there is a conflict in the form of the vandalism of the Trumbo family's property, the focus is more on their unity and strength in overcoming challenges together.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create tension and conflict for the protagonist, presenting challenges that test his abilities and decision-making.

High Stakes: 6

The stakes are moderate in this scene, with the vandalism of their property adding tension but ultimately showcasing the family's resilience.

Story Forward: 7

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the family's response to external challenges and their determination to overcome them together.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because it introduces unexpected challenges and obstacles for the protagonist, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of how the situation will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the ethics of deception and the sacrifices made for the greater good. The protagonist must grapple with the moral implications of their actions and the impact on their family.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7.5

The scene evokes a sense of unity and resilience, which can resonate emotionally with the audience. The family's bond and determination in the face of adversity are moving.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is instructional, reflecting Dalton Trumbo's role as the head of the family and business. It effectively conveys the theme of unity and resilience.

Engagement: 8

This scene is engaging because it introduces a sense of mystery and suspense, drawing the audience into the protagonist's secretive world and setting up future conflicts and revelations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing moments of tension and action with quieter, character-driven moments that deepen the emotional impact of the story.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and action descriptions that enhance the visual storytelling.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between locations and a cohesive narrative flow that builds tension and intrigue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the Trumbo family's new venture, but the initial confusion among the family members could be enhanced with more visual cues or expressions to convey their bewilderment. This would help the audience connect with their perspective.
  • The use of voiceover for Dalton Trumbo is a stylistic choice that can be effective, but it risks distancing the audience from the action. The transition from the voiceover to the visual elements could be smoother to maintain engagement.
  • The dialogue is functional but lacks emotional depth. While it conveys the necessary information about the family business, it could benefit from more character-driven dialogue that reveals the family's feelings about their situation. This would add layers to their interactions.
  • The scene transitions between different locations (dining area, front hall, living room) but could benefit from clearer visual markers or transitions to help the audience follow the shifts in setting more seamlessly.
  • The introduction of the messenger is a nice touch, but the scene could explore the implications of this new family business further. How does it affect their daily lives? What are the stakes involved? This would add tension and urgency to the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more physical reactions from the family members to Dalton's announcement to enhance their confusion and curiosity. This could include facial expressions, body language, or even interruptions.
  • Instead of relying heavily on voiceover, try to incorporate more dialogue between Trumbo and his family that reveals their thoughts and feelings about the new venture. This will create a more dynamic interaction.
  • Use visual storytelling techniques, such as close-ups or reaction shots, to emphasize the family's responses to the new business. This will help the audience connect emotionally with the characters.
  • Clarify the transitions between different locations by using visual cues, such as a fade or a cut that indicates a change in time or space, to keep the audience oriented.
  • Explore the implications of the family business more deeply. Perhaps include a moment where the children express their concerns or excitement about the venture, which would add emotional stakes to the scene.



Scene 34 -  Tensions at Home
EXT. LIPPERT PICTURES - DAY

A scruffy little independent company.

DALTON TRUMBO (V.O.)
Courier.

Cleo’s car pulls up, she exits, moves to a delivery entrance.
The door opens. A WOMAN’S HAND holds out an envelope.

INT. TRUMBO’S CAR - MOMENTS LATER

Cleo checks the envelope, fat with twenty-dollar bills.

BACK TO:

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

DALTON TRUMBO
(to his family)
Questions? Comments?

Niki raises her hand.

NIKI
Is there a schedule?

DALTON TRUMBO
A what.

NIKI
I need to know when I can do
homework. And I’m on a fundraising
committee for Negro Voting Rights,
plus --

CLEO
All right, honey, we’ll work it
out.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 73.
CONTINUED:
CLEO (CONT'D)
(as Trumbo begins to object,
she throws him a look)
Won’t we.

He doesn’t answer. Trumbo and Niki lock eyes in uneasy
silence.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - NIGHT

Niki watches a bulky new television set, the picture jittery:

ON TV - AFRICAN-AMERICAN PROTESTERS

In actual black & white news footage MARCH outside schools.

TV ANCHOR (V.O.)
...and protests continued as the
Supreme Court takes up the issue of
racial segregation...

NEARBY, TRUMBO TYPES

Then pulls rough copy from his carriage and holds it out to
Niki, but she is riveted by --

TV ANCHOR (V.O.)
...while throughout the nation,
heated debate over integration...

-- until she sees the page he proffers, SIGHS, takes it,
moves to a second typewriter and begins HAMMERING out the
final carbon, her eyes straying to the TV images of PROTESTS.

SAME SCENE - LATER

Trumbo is alone, the TV is off. Trumbo opens a drawer, takes
out a pill bottle, shakes out one tablet, then decides two
would be better.

As he pops them in his mouth, Cleo appears in the doorway, a
question on her lips. She sees her husband down the pills
with a shot of scotch. She quickly decides the question can
wait and retreats.

BACK TO:
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Cleo visits Lippert Pictures to collect cash for Dalton Trumbo, who later interacts with his daughter Niki about her need for a structured schedule to balance homework and activism. Their conversation reveals a disconnect between Trumbo's chaotic lifestyle and Niki's desire for order. As Niki watches news footage of protests, Trumbo grapples with his responsibilities, ultimately resorting to pills and scotch to cope with his stress. The scene highlights family tensions and personal struggles, ending with Trumbo isolated in his study while Cleo chooses to withdraw.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension-building
Weaknesses
  • Potential pacing issues
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and tension within the Trumbo family, setting up a compelling narrative arc and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the Trumbo family's resilience in the face of adversity is compelling and well-executed, providing a strong foundation for character development and thematic exploration.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is focused on internal family dynamics and external threats, effectively setting up future conflicts and resolutions.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces unique historical elements, such as the civil rights activism and political tensions of the 1950s. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and grounded in the time period.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and showcase a range of emotions and motivations, adding depth to the narrative and setting up potential character arcs.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases potential character growth and development, particularly in the face of external threats and internal conflicts.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to balance his family life with his political activism and writing career. He struggles with the tension between his personal responsibilities and his passion for social justice.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to work on his writing and activism, as shown by his interactions with his daughter and his wife. He is also dealing with personal struggles, as seen in his decision to take pills.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains both internal and external conflicts that drive the emotional tension and character development.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and motivations between the characters, leading to uncertainty and tension.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene, including threats to the family's safety and unity, add tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by establishing key conflicts, character dynamics, and emotional stakes that will drive future plot developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the protagonist's internal struggles and the unexpected interactions between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's dedication to his beliefs and his family's needs. There is a tension between personal fulfillment and societal change.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, eliciting empathy and connection with the characters' struggles and challenges.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the tensions and emotions of the characters, providing insight into their relationships and internal struggles.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the emotional stakes, the historical context, and the complex relationships between the characters.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional depth, with well-timed reveals and character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is clear and easy to follow, with proper transitions between locations and actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a character-driven drama, with clear setups and payoffs for the protagonist's goals and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Dalton Trumbo's responsibilities as a father and his commitment to his work. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, Niki's request for a schedule is a practical concern, but it could also reflect her desire for stability in a chaotic environment, which is not fully explored.
  • The transition from Cleo receiving the envelope to the family discussion feels abrupt. A brief moment showing Cleo's reaction to the envelope could add depth to her character and highlight the financial strain the family is under, making the stakes clearer.
  • The use of news footage of African-American protesters is a strong visual choice that connects Trumbo's personal struggles to broader societal issues. However, the scene could be more impactful if it included a moment where Trumbo reflects on the protests, perhaps drawing a parallel between his fight against the blacklist and the fight for civil rights.
  • Trumbo's action of taking pills with scotch is a powerful visual cue that indicates his stress and coping mechanisms. However, it might be more effective if this moment were foreshadowed earlier in the scene, perhaps through subtle hints of his discomfort or frustration, to create a stronger emotional payoff.
  • The scene ends with Cleo retreating after witnessing Trumbo's pill-taking, which is a strong moment. However, it could be enhanced by including a line of dialogue or a visual cue that indicates her concern for Trumbo's well-being, reinforcing the strain on their relationship.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Cleo reacts to the envelope before the family discussion, which could provide insight into the family's financial struggles and set the tone for the conversation.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue between Trumbo and Niki to deepen their relationship and highlight the impact of their circumstances on their family dynamics.
  • Include a brief reflection from Trumbo on the news footage of the protests, drawing a connection between his fight against the blacklist and the civil rights movement to enhance thematic depth.
  • Foreshadow Trumbo's pill-taking earlier in the scene by showing subtle signs of his stress or discomfort, making the moment more impactful when it occurs.
  • Add a line or visual cue from Cleo that expresses her concern for Trumbo after witnessing his pill-taking, reinforcing the emotional stakes and the strain on their relationship.



Scene 35 -  Script Showdown at King Brothers
INT. KING BROTHERS - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Hunter, Hird and Trumbo sit as Frank King gives “notes.”

FRANK KING
(picks up a script)
Which one’s “Graham Topper”?


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 74.
CONTINUED:

The three writers look at one another, unsure.

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
Nympho nun.

Ah. Hunter raises his hand.

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
Great job.

He hands Hunter his script back.

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
“Elwood Carr”? Murder at the
circus?

Trumbo nods, King slides him the script.

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
Needs work. I knew it was the
clown.

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
(consoling Trumbo)
It’s always the clown.

Now King levels a malevolent gaze at Hird.

FRANK KING
So. You’re the alien and the farm
girl.

ARLEN HIRD
Yeah.

FRANK KING
You wrote...

He opens the script to the middle, showing pages and pages
and pages of single-spaced, typewritten speeches.

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
...the alien talking about “the
rights of workers,” the “pathology
of capitalism”?
(enraged)
The “dialectic”? I don’t even know
what that IS and I fucking hate it.

ARLEN HIRD
All right, so it’s a little dense --




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 75.
CONTINUED: (2)

FRANK KING
I pay for a script about a guy with
a giant bug head balling a girl in
a haystack, you give me shit
that’ll get me subpoenaed. And
also? Stinks!
(then)
Never. Again. Fix it.

But that last was not to Hird, it was to Trumbo. As King
shoots the script across the table at him.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense conference room meeting at King Brothers, Frank King critiques the writers' scripts, praising Hunter's work while expressing disdain for Hird's overly complex socio-political themes. Trumbo's script is acknowledged but deemed in need of significant revisions. The scene highlights the conflict between creative expression and commercial expectations, culminating in King angrily tossing Trumbo's script across the table, demanding immediate changes.
Strengths
  • Intense dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Lack of character development
  • Limited setting variation

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and conflict between the characters, especially through Frank King's blunt criticism and Trumbo's defiant response. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the struggles of writers facing censorship and artistic limitations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the clash between artistic integrity and commercial demands, highlighting the struggles of writers navigating censorship and ideological pressures. The scene effectively explores the theme of creative freedom in a repressive political climate.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the critique of the writers' scripts by Frank King, leading to a conflict over the content and direction of the projects. The scene advances the narrative by showcasing the challenges faced by the characters in their professional endeavors.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces a fresh take on the struggle between art and commerce in the film industry, with authentic dialogue and character interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Frank King is portrayed as a blunt and demanding producer, while Trumbo and Hird exhibit defiance and resilience in the face of criticism and censorship.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes in this particular scene, the confrontation and criticism faced by the characters contribute to their development and resilience in the face of adversity.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to maintain their artistic integrity while also meeting the commercial demands of the industry. This reflects their desire to create meaningful work while also succeeding in a competitive environment.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to revise their script to meet Frank King's commercial expectations and avoid being fired.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The scene is characterized by high levels of conflict, both internal and external, as the characters clash over creative differences and professional expectations. The confrontational dialogue and power struggles heighten the dramatic tension.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with Frank King's harsh feedback creating obstacles for the protagonist.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as the characters confront the threat of censorship, professional backlash, and personal integrity. The outcome of the script meeting could have significant repercussions for their careers and artistic freedom.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by highlighting the professional challenges and conflicts faced by the characters, particularly in the context of the McCarthy era and the impact of censorship on their creative work.

Unpredictability: 7.5

The scene is unpredictable in how the characters will react to the feedback and the tension between art and commerce.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between artistic integrity and commercial success. Frank King represents the commercial side, valuing marketability over artistic expression, while the writers struggle to balance both.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, including frustration, defiance, and tension, as the characters navigate the challenges of censorship and artistic expression. The emotional impact is heightened by the intense performances and sharp dialogue.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, confrontational, and impactful, effectively conveying the tension and conflict between the characters. The exchanges reveal the power dynamics and creative differences within the industry, adding depth to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the conflict between the characters and the high stakes of meeting commercial expectations.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and highlighting the conflict between the characters.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with proper scene headings and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a script feedback session, with clear character interactions and dialogue.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between creative expression and commercial expectations, which is central to Trumbo's story. However, the dialogue could benefit from more distinct character voices. Each writer should have a unique way of expressing their thoughts, which would help to differentiate them and make the scene more engaging.
  • Frank King's character comes across as one-dimensional, primarily serving as an antagonist. Adding layers to his character could enhance the conflict. For instance, showing a glimpse of his own struggles or insecurities could make him more relatable and provide depth to his harsh critiques.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the dialogue exchanges. Allowing for pauses or reactions from the characters after each critique could heighten the tension and give the audience a moment to absorb the weight of King's words.
  • The use of humor, particularly with the line 'It’s always the clown,' is a nice touch, but it could be expanded upon. Incorporating more comedic elements or banter among the writers could lighten the mood and provide a contrast to the serious nature of King's critiques.
  • The visual elements of the scene are somewhat lacking. Describing the physical environment more vividly could enhance the atmosphere. For example, detailing the cluttered conference room or the expressions on the characters' faces during the critiques would help to create a more immersive experience.
Suggestions
  • Consider giving each writer a distinct voice or mannerism that reflects their personality. This will help the audience connect with them and make the dialogue more dynamic.
  • Add a moment of vulnerability for Frank King, perhaps by showing a brief flash of doubt or frustration about his own work, which could make his character more complex and relatable.
  • Incorporate pauses or reactions after key lines to allow the weight of the critiques to resonate with the characters and the audience, enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.
  • Expand on the humor in the scene by including more light-hearted exchanges or witty remarks among the writers, which could provide a necessary balance to the tension.
  • Enhance the visual descriptions of the setting and characters' expressions to create a more vivid and engaging atmosphere, allowing the audience to feel the tension and stakes of the scene.



Scene 36 -  Creative Struggles in the Night
INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - NIGHT

Hird and Trumbo go over Hird’s screenplay.

ARLEN HIRD
Oh, fuck Frank King.

DALTON TRUMBO
(scribbling in the script
margins)
I said, until he’s happy, I
rewrite.

ARLEN HIRD
So you’re gonna stay up all night
with this crap, to what, get it to
his high literary, political
standards?

DALTON TRUMBO
It shouldn’t be to anyone’s
political standards. What the hell
were you thinking...?

Hird snatches Trumbo’s pen. Trumbo glares at him.

ARLEN HIRD
I was thinking. It’s why I’m a
writer. To say things that matter.
Jesus Christ, look at us.
(then)
I was a reporter, I got nominated
for a Pulitzer, I fought in Spain!
I know Ernest Hemingway! I
actually, I know him! And he knows
me! I walk into a bar in Paris,
he’d -- maybe he doesn’t know my
name but...
(then)
You won the National fucking Book
Award. What’re we doing?


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 76.
CONTINUED:

Trumbo stands and moves to the bar. He takes two glasses.

SAME SCENE - LATER

The two men, several drinks in, fairly hammered, trying to
work.

ARLEN HIRD
So the alien... the alien... why
does he... want to impregnate the
farm girl? To start a race...
propagate, so they can all take
over...

DALTON TRUMBO
(shakes head)
She’s cute.

Hird considers this solemnly. Then --

ARLEN HIRD
Uh. Fine.
(a defeated pause)
I mean, don’t you ever miss writing
something, forget great, just good?
You gotta have actual ideas...
still... don’t you?

Trumbo smokes. Then:

DALTON TRUMBO
A few. One keeps buzzing around up
there... won’t go away. Cleo and I
were in Mexico at a bullfight, years
ago. Bull died and... a thousand
people cheered. Three didn’t.
Cleo, me... and a little boy down
front. Crying. I always wondered
why.

ARLEN HIRD
You write it, you’ll know. Just,
promise me, not for Frank King.

DALTON TRUMBO
The day I don’t have to and just
want to.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Trumbo's study, Arlen Hird and Dalton Trumbo grapple with the pressures of writing a screenplay for Frank King. Hird expresses frustration over the constraints imposed by King, while Trumbo emphasizes the importance of artistic integrity despite his own struggles. As they drink and reflect on their shared history, the conversation reveals their aspirations as writers, culminating in a commitment to write for themselves. The scene captures a mix of camaraderie and introspection, ending without a clear resolution to their creative challenges.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Authentic dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Lack of external conflict
  • Limited action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil and creative tension between the characters, providing depth and insight into their inner struggles and aspirations.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the creative process and personal struggles of writers in a high-stakes environment is compelling and engaging, offering a nuanced portrayal of artistic ambition and integrity.

Plot: 8

The plot revolves around the tension between the two writers as they grapple with their artistic differences and personal histories, driving the narrative forward through emotional conflict and introspection.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the struggles of writers in Hollywood, exploring themes of integrity, creativity, and commercial success in a unique and engaging way.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and complex, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive their interactions and decisions. Their dynamic relationship adds depth and authenticity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both characters undergo a subtle transformation during the scene, as they confront their creative differences and personal demons, leading to a deeper understanding of themselves and each other.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal is to maintain his integrity as a writer and not compromise his beliefs for commercial success. He wants to write something meaningful and impactful.

External Goal: 7

Trumbo's external goal is to rewrite the screenplay to meet Frank King's standards and expectations.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between the two writers is palpable, driven by their contrasting approaches to storytelling and personal histories. It adds tension and depth to the scene, highlighting the emotional stakes at play.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and goals between the characters, creating uncertainty and tension for the audience.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are not explicitly high in this scene, the emotional and creative challenges faced by the characters add a sense of urgency and importance to their interactions, highlighting the personal significance of their struggles.

Story Forward: 8

The scene propels the story forward by deepening the conflict between the characters and revealing new layers of their personalities and motivations. It sets the stage for further development and resolution in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting dynamics between the characters, unexpected revelations, and the exploration of complex emotions and motivations.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between writing for personal fulfillment and writing for commercial success. Trumbo values meaningful writing while Hird seems more concerned with meeting external standards.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the characters' struggles and aspirations with empathy and resonance. The raw vulnerability and authenticity of the characters enhance the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, introspective, and emotionally charged, reflecting the inner turmoil and conflicting perspectives of the characters. It effectively conveys their struggles and aspirations with authenticity and depth.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the dynamic dialogue, conflicting character motivations, and the exploration of deeper themes related to writing and personal integrity.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, allowing for moments of reflection and character development to shine through.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and understand the character interactions and actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-heavy, character-driven scene in a screenplay, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Hird effectively captures the frustration and camaraderie of writers under pressure, but it could benefit from more subtext. While they express their disdain for Frank King, the emotional stakes could be heightened by incorporating more personal stakes related to their own careers and identities as writers.
  • The scene transitions from a serious discussion about the screenplay to a more lighthearted moment with drinks, which is a nice touch. However, the shift feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow, perhaps by showing the gradual effect of the drinks on their conversation or their emotional state.
  • Hird's monologue about his past accomplishments is powerful but could be more impactful if it were interspersed with Trumbo's reactions. This would allow the audience to see how Trumbo feels about Hird's past and their current situation, adding depth to their relationship.
  • The metaphor of the bullfight is intriguing and adds a layer of complexity to Trumbo's character. However, it feels somewhat disconnected from the main conflict of the scene. It might be more effective if it were tied back to their current struggles or if it prompted a more immediate reaction from Hird.
  • The scene ends on a somewhat ambiguous note with Trumbo's promise to write when he wants to, which is fitting for the theme of artistic freedom. However, it could be strengthened by a more definitive statement or action that underscores his resolve, perhaps hinting at a future project or a commitment to reclaiming his voice.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue to deepen the emotional stakes. For example, have Trumbo reflect on how the pressures of the industry have affected his sense of self-worth as a writer.
  • Smooth the transition between the serious discussion and the drinking scene by incorporating more physical actions or reactions that show how the drinks are affecting their mood and creativity.
  • Interweave Trumbo's reactions during Hird's monologue to create a more dynamic exchange, allowing the audience to see the impact of Hird's words on Trumbo's psyche.
  • Tie the bullfight metaphor more closely to the screenplay they are working on or their current struggles, perhaps by drawing parallels between the bull's fate and their own careers.
  • End the scene with a stronger, more definitive action or statement from Trumbo that reinforces his commitment to writing for himself, perhaps by him starting to write something new right then and there.



Scene 37 -  Oscar Night Dilemma
INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Spring, 1954, Oscar Night, the Trumbos, minus Niki, eat
snacks and chat.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 77.
CONTINUED:

MITZI
Niki! Hurry!

The sound of a toilet FLUSHING, then feet running.

NIKI
(racing in)
Who’s doing it?

MITZI
Kirk Douglas!

As they all settle and watch their black & white TV --

ON TV - MOVIE STAR KIRK DOUGLAS

38 years old, chiseled and dashing in white tie and tails:

KIRK DOUGLAS
...the envelope? And the Oscar
goes to...
(pulls out the card)
...Roman Holiday! By Ian McLellan
Hunter!

The THEME from Roman Holiday and APPLAUSE, while Douglas
scans for the writer who will never appear.

IN THE LIVING ROOM - THE TRUMBOS

Sit for a moment, not sure how to react to this, until --

NIKI
So, do we get to be happy now?

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - DAY

Trumbo, Hunter and between them: that gold Oscar statuette.

DALTON TRUMBO
I don’t want it.

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
Well, I don’t want it.

DALTON TRUMBO
Your name’s on it.

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
You wrote it.

DALTON TRUMBO
They gave it to you.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 78.
CONTINUED:

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER
And it’s done me wonders.
(hands Trumbo a script)
Here’s the gorilla movie.

Chris enters.

CHRIS
Phone for you, Dad.

DALTON TRUMBO
Which name?

CHRIS
No. You. Some guy named Buddy
Ross.

Trumbo is surprised as he picks up the extension.

DALTON TRUMBO
(teasing, into phone)
Buddy who...?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary On Oscar Night in 1954, the Trumbo family gathers in their living room to watch the awards. As Kirk Douglas announces 'Roman Holiday' as the winner for Best Original Screenplay, Niki questions if they can be happy about the news. The scene shifts to the study where Dalton Trumbo and Ian McLellan Hunter grapple with the moral implications of accepting the Oscar awarded to Hunter for Trumbo's work. Their reluctance highlights the tension surrounding the recognition of Trumbo's writing. The scene concludes with Chris informing Trumbo of a phone call from Buddy Ross, hinting at new opportunities.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Relatively contained setting

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines personal and public events, showcasing the characters' emotions and challenges while highlighting the contrast between success and adversity.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of juxtaposing personal and public events, exploring the significance of recognition and the challenges faced by the characters, is well-developed.

Plot: 8.5

The plot advances through the characters' reactions to the Oscars, the vandalism, and their discussions, providing insight into their struggles and relationships.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the aftermath of not winning an Oscar, delving into the complexities of authorship, credit, and personal validation. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and emotional depth. Their interactions and reactions drive the scene forward and engage the audience.

Character Changes: 8

The characters experience emotional shifts and revelations, particularly in their responses to the events unfolding, showcasing their growth and resilience.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find happiness and closure after the disappointment of not receiving the Oscar. Niki's question 'So, do we get to be happy now?' reflects a deeper need for validation and recognition.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the aftermath of not winning the Oscar and deal with the implications of Ian McLellan Hunter receiving the award instead.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

The conflict arises from the external threats and the characters' internal struggles, adding depth to the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires, hidden agendas, and unresolved tensions between the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high for the characters, as they face threats and challenges that impact their personal and professional lives.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the characters' struggles and relationships, setting the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional turns, character revelations, and shifting power dynamics between Trumbo and Hunter.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of recognition, authorship, and validation. Trumbo and Hunter's conversation about the Oscar statue highlights their differing perspectives on credit and success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly through the characters' vulnerability and resilience in the face of adversity.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is natural and reflective of the characters' emotions and conflicts. It effectively conveys their thoughts and feelings in response to the events unfolding.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of humor, drama, and emotional depth. The characters' interactions and the unfolding conflict keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension, revealing character motivations, and advancing the plot. The rhythm of dialogue and action keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with proper scene headings, character names, and action descriptions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a character-driven drama, with clear dialogue exchanges, scene transitions, and emotional beats.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and complexity of the moment when Trumbo's work is recognized, yet he cannot accept the award due to the circumstances surrounding it. This internal conflict is a strong emotional anchor for the scene.
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Hunter is sharp and reflects their complicated relationship, highlighting the moral ambiguity of their situation. However, the exchange could benefit from more emotional depth to fully convey the weight of their predicament.
  • Niki's line, 'So, do we get to be happy now?' serves as a poignant reminder of the family's struggle and the impact of the blacklist on their lives. This line could be expanded to further explore her feelings about the situation, adding layers to her character.
  • The transition between the living room and the study is somewhat abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow of the scene, perhaps by including a brief moment of reflection or a visual cue that connects the two locations.
  • The scene lacks a strong visual element that could enhance the emotional stakes. For instance, showing the Oscar statuette in close-up could symbolize the weight of the award and the irony of its significance being lost on Trumbo.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a shared glance among the family after the Oscar announcement to emphasize their mixed emotions before Niki speaks up. This could heighten the tension and make her question feel more impactful.
  • Expand Niki's dialogue to include a brief reflection on what the Oscar means to her family, which could deepen her character and provide insight into the family's struggles with the blacklist.
  • Incorporate a visual motif, such as the Oscar statuette being placed in a prominent position in the study, to symbolize the conflict between recognition and the cost of that recognition. This could serve as a powerful visual metaphor throughout the scene.
  • Enhance the emotional weight of the dialogue between Trumbo and Hunter by including a moment where they acknowledge the sacrifices made for the award, perhaps through a shared memory or a brief silence that conveys their understanding of the situation.
  • Consider adding a brief moment of Chris's reaction to the phone call from Buddy Ross, which could provide a lighter contrast to the heavier themes of the scene and showcase the family's dynamics.



Scene 38 -  A Desperate Plea
INT. ROSS INTERNATIONAL - BUDDY’S OFFICE - NIGHT

This is not the Buddy Ross we’ve known. He vibrates with
exhausted panic as he takes a seat near Trumbo.

BUDDY ROSS
So’s it true, the rumor? You wrote
Roman Holiday?

Trumbo just looks at him, then --

DALTON TRUMBO
What can I do for you, Buddy?

Buddy hesitates, barely knowing where to begin.

BUDDY ROSS
My movies’ve all bombed, dug me
into a hole. I finally got
something going. Classy. Three
big stars. The script...
(he can’t finish)
What script, there’s no script, I
got eleven writers who fucked me,
now the actors’re gonna pull out
’n’ if they do, I lose everything.

DALTON TRUMBO
When do you shoot?



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 79.
CONTINUED:

BUDDY ROSS
Ten days.

DALTON TRUMBO
Is there anything?

He hands Trumbo three typed pages. Trumbo studies them.

BUDDY ROSS
There’d be no credit, obviously, I
can’t pay you till we start
shooting, and I wouldn’t blame you
if you spit in my face. But we did
good stuff, back then, we really
did. Please?

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - DAY

Trumbo and Hird.

DALTON TRUMBO
I owe the Kings a rewrite, I can’t
do both, I need you to take over.

ARLEN HIRD
So you can help out that great guy,
Buddy Ross.

DALTON TRUMBO
So we can keep tearing down the
blacklist.

ARLEN HIRD
Oh, Jesus, here we go...

DALTON TRUMBO
This is a huge movie, if Buddy gets
a good script --

ARLEN HIRD
-- which you’re gonna give him --

DALTON TRUMBO
-- which I’m going to sell him.

ARLEN HIRD
Yep. Money. Always money.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 80.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO
Why do you not see this? We get
one big movie, we could get all the
big movies and the whole rotten
thing’ll collapse from the sheer
irony that every unemployable
writer is employed.

ARLEN HIRD
Jesus, do you ever say anything
that isn’t gonna get chiselled on a
rock?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense and urgent scene, Buddy Ross frantically seeks Dalton Trumbo's help to salvage a failing film project due to a lack of a script and unreliable writers. With three major stars attached, Buddy is on the brink of losing everything if he can't deliver a script in ten days. Trumbo, initially skeptical, contemplates the potential impact of helping Buddy on the blacklist issue, while discussing the situation with Arlen Hird, who is critical of the financial risks involved. The scene highlights the conflict between personal ambition and the larger fight against the blacklist, ending with Trumbo and Hird in a heated debate about the implications of taking on the project.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional depth
  • Compelling dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly dramatic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the high stakes and emotional turmoil faced by the characters, setting up a compelling conflict and showcasing the determination of Dalton Trumbo to overcome obstacles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of redemption and fighting against injustice is effectively portrayed through the interactions between Dalton Trumbo and Buddy Ross, adding depth to the narrative.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, introducing a new challenge for the characters and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions in the future.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era, focusing on the personal and professional challenges faced by individuals in the industry. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters of Dalton Trumbo and Buddy Ross are well-developed, with their motivations and struggles clearly portrayed, adding complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

Both Dalton Trumbo and Buddy Ross undergo changes in their perspectives and actions during the scene, setting up potential character arcs and growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Buddy Ross's internal goal in this scene is to salvage his reputation and career by securing a script for his upcoming movie. This reflects his deeper need for validation and success in the cutthroat world of Hollywood.

External Goal: 7.5

Buddy Ross's external goal in this scene is to obtain a script for his movie within a tight deadline. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in keeping his project afloat.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Dalton Trumbo and Buddy Ross is intense and drives the scene forward, creating a sense of urgency and importance.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and goals creating obstacles for the characters. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding to the dramatic tension.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with the characters facing the risk of losing everything, adding tension and urgency to the narrative.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new challenge and setting up potential resolutions, driving the narrative towards a crucial turning point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the characters' conflicting motivations and the uncertain outcome of their decisions. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the situation will resolve.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is between the characters' differing views on the Hollywood blacklist and the importance of taking a stand against it. Trumbo believes in using his talent to fight against the injustice, while Hird is more cynical and focused on financial gain.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from anxiety to hope, drawing the audience into the struggles of the characters and creating a strong emotional connection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension and desperation of the characters, adding depth to their interactions and highlighting their conflicting goals.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional intensity, and moral dilemmas faced by the characters. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and decisions.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with a balance of dialogue and action that keeps the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with concise dialogue and descriptive language enhancing the visual storytelling.

Structure: 8

The structure of the scene follows the expected format for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflicts driving the action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures Buddy Ross's desperation and Trumbo's pragmatic approach to the situation, showcasing their contrasting personalities. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional stakes. Right now, it feels a bit on-the-nose, especially with Buddy's panic and Trumbo's calm demeanor. Adding layers to their conversation could create a more dynamic interaction.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in Buddy's exposition about his failed movies and the urgency of the situation. While urgency is important, allowing Buddy to articulate his fears more slowly could heighten the tension and give the audience a moment to absorb the gravity of his predicament.
  • Trumbo's motivations for helping Buddy are clear, but the dialogue could delve deeper into his internal conflict. He is torn between his obligations to the Kings and his desire to help a friend. This conflict could be more pronounced through his body language or a brief moment of hesitation before he agrees to help.
  • The transition between the two locations (Buddy's office and Trumbo's study) could be smoother. The abrupt cut might confuse the audience. Consider adding a visual or auditory cue that links the two scenes, such as a phone ringing or a line of dialogue that echoes into the next scene.
  • Arlen Hird's skepticism about Trumbo's motivations is a strong element, but it could be enhanced by showing more of his emotional investment in the situation. Perhaps he could express personal stakes or past grievances with Buddy, which would add depth to their argument and make the conflict feel more personal.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Buddy's panic manifests physically, such as fidgeting or pacing, to visually convey his desperation and make the audience empathize with him more.
  • Incorporate more subtext in the dialogue. For example, instead of Buddy stating his failures outright, he could hint at them through metaphors or anecdotes that reveal his emotional state without explicitly stating it.
  • Explore Trumbo's internal conflict further by including a moment of silence or a pause before he agrees to help Buddy, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his decision.
  • Enhance the transition between scenes by using a visual motif, like a close-up of Trumbo's hand on the phone, which could then cut to him in his study, still holding the phone, to create a seamless flow.
  • Deepen Hird's character by giving him a personal stake in the outcome of the project. This could be a past experience with Buddy or a financial concern that makes his skepticism more relatable and impactful.



Scene 39 -  Chaos in the Kitchen
INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Near an open window overlooking the back patio, Cleo dries
some dishes at the sink. Trumbo and Hird’s ARGUMENT can be
heard but is muffled by doors and walls.

Cleo HUMS to herself, as nearby --

Chris cleans his trumpet, while Mitzi tends to another
wounded bird. Mitzi catches Cleo’s eye and --

Cleo smiles and TOSSES a water glass into the air, then a
second, then a third, JUGGLING them. Mitzi LAUGHS with
delight, Chris smiles then --

ARLEN HIRD (O.S.)
(suddenly loud)
...I am not gonna help you help
Buddy Ross!

The kids are startled --

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - CONTINUOUS

ARLEN HIRD
We should be suing that cockroach
into the ground, along with every
studio, congressman, producer --

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

-- as is Cleo, who manages to keep the glasses aloft --

DALTON TRUMBO (O.S.)
(exploding)
Brilliant -- !
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 81.


INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - CONTINUOUS

DALTON TRUMBO
-- keep losing, give all your money
to lawyers --

ARLEN HIRD
I’d rather lose for the right
reason than --

DALTON TRUMBO
(roaring)
WHY?

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Cleo’s deft hands flutter, a glass FUMBLES off her fingertips
and HITS the floor in an EXPLOSION of shards --

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - CONTINUOUS

DALTON TRUMBO
It’s LOSING!

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - CONTINUOUS

Cleo sweeps her children out.

CLEO
C’mon, kids, we’re going to the
store.

CHRIS
(to Cleo)
But --

DALTON TRUMBO (O.S.)
I lose -- !

CLEO
(to her kids)
Now.

DALTON TRUMBO (O.S.)
-- you lose -- !

MITZI
Which store?

DALTON TRUMBO (O.S.)
-- we ALL lose -- !




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 82.
CONTINUED:

CLEO
Any store.

Cleo’s calm but sharp demeanor is not to be ignored. The
kids follow her out.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the Trumbo Highland Park kitchen, Cleo tries to maintain a playful atmosphere with her children, Chris and Mitzi, while a heated argument erupts between Dalton Trumbo and Arlen Hird over their strategies against Buddy Ross and the studios. As tensions rise, Cleo drops a glass, symbolizing the disruption caused by the conflict. Despite the chaos, she remains composed and decides to take her children to the store, seeking to escape the escalating tension.
Strengths
  • Emotional intensity
  • Character dynamics
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Focused on internal conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the emotional intensity and resilience of the characters, particularly Cleo, in the face of conflict. The tension and defiance add depth to the family dynamics and set the stage for potential character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of showcasing a family standoff amidst larger conflicts and tensions is compelling and adds depth to the characters and their relationships. The scene effectively explores themes of resilience and unity.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene revolves around the escalating argument and Cleo's intervention, highlighting the internal and external conflicts faced by the characters. The tension and defiance drive the narrative forward.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era by focusing on the personal struggles and sacrifices of individuals caught in the midst of political turmoil. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and emotionally resonant.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Cleo, Trumbo, and Hird, are well-developed in this scene, showcasing their emotional depth, resilience, and conflicting motivations. Cleo's assertiveness and the dynamics between the family members are particularly strong.

Character Changes: 8

While there are no significant character changes within the scene, the dynamics and relationships between the characters are further developed, setting the stage for potential growth and evolution in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

Cleo's internal goal is to maintain composure and control in the face of the escalating argument between Trumbo and Hird. This reflects her desire to protect her children and uphold a sense of stability in the household.

External Goal: 7

Cleo's external goal is to remove her children from the volatile situation and maintain their safety. This reflects the immediate challenge of navigating the conflict between Trumbo and Hird.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, involving personal, familial, and professional tensions. The clash of ideologies and motivations between Trumbo and Hird adds depth to the conflict, driving the emotional impact.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and personal conflicts driving the narrative forward and creating uncertainty for the characters.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the family's unity and resilience in the face of conflict, as well as the potential impact of their decisions on their relationships and future actions. The emotional intensity raises the stakes for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the family dynamics, highlighting the internal conflicts faced by the characters, and setting the stage for potential developments in the narrative. The tension and defiance add layers to the plot progression.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the sudden shifts in tone and the characters' conflicting motivations, keeping the audience on edge and unsure of the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the differing beliefs of Trumbo and Hird regarding the approach to handling adversity. Trumbo prioritizes winning at all costs, while Hird values integrity and principle over success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact due to the intense conflict, defiance, and resilience displayed by the characters. The audience is drawn into the family dynamics and feels the tension and determination of the characters.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys the tension, anger, and defiance present in the scene, adding depth to the character interactions and conflicts. The heated exchanges between Trumbo and Hird drive the emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of personal drama and political intrigue, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional struggles and moral dilemmas.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that highlights the emotional intensity of the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene transitions and descriptive elements that enhance the visual and emotional impact.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure that effectively builds tension and conflict, leading to a dramatic climax. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the scene's effectiveness.


Critique
  • The scene effectively contrasts the domestic tranquility of Cleo and the children with the escalating tension of Trumbo and Hird's argument, creating a palpable sense of conflict. However, the transition between the kitchen and study could be smoother to enhance the flow of the scene. The abrupt shifts may disorient the audience, making it harder to follow the emotional stakes.
  • Cleo's juggling serves as a nice visual metaphor for her attempts to maintain balance in a chaotic environment, but it could be more explicitly tied to the themes of the scene. As the argument escalates, the juggling could symbolize her struggle to keep her family together amidst the turmoil, which would deepen the emotional resonance.
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Hird is intense and captures their differing philosophies well, but it risks becoming overly expository. The audience may benefit from more subtext or indirect references to their motivations rather than direct statements about suing or losing. This would allow for a more engaging and layered conversation.
  • Cleo's character is portrayed as calm and composed, which is effective, but her actions could be more integrated into the argument's emotional weight. For instance, her dropping the glass could be a more significant moment, perhaps reflecting her own frustrations or fears about the situation, rather than just a reaction to the noise.
  • The scene ends abruptly with Cleo taking the children to the store, which feels somewhat unresolved. While this may reflect the chaos of their lives, it could benefit from a stronger emotional conclusion or a moment of connection between Cleo and the children before they leave, reinforcing her role as the stabilizing force in the family.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment where Cleo reflects on the argument, perhaps through a facial expression or a line of dialogue that hints at her own feelings about the situation. This would deepen her character and provide a more emotional anchor for the audience.
  • Enhance the transitions between the kitchen and study by using sound or visual cues that connect the two spaces more fluidly. For example, as the argument escalates, the sound could crescendo, making the audience feel the tension building in both locations.
  • Incorporate more subtext into Trumbo and Hird's dialogue. Instead of stating their positions outright, allow their motivations to emerge through their reactions and the implications of their words, creating a more dynamic and engaging exchange.
  • Explore the symbolism of Cleo's juggling further. Perhaps as the argument intensifies, she could struggle more visibly, reflecting her internal conflict and the pressure of managing her family amidst the chaos, which would enhance the thematic depth.
  • Consider ending the scene with a moment of silence or a poignant line from Cleo that encapsulates the emotional stakes, leaving the audience with a stronger sense of the family's struggles and the weight of the argument.



Scene 40 -  Clash of Ideals
INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - CONTINUOUS

DALTON TRUMBO
-- and the whole goddamn country
stays scared and dead! You want to
live like this forever? Or do
something? We can beat them, we
can win!

ARLEN HIRD
I don’t care if I win --

DALTON TRUMBO
-- Oh, bullshit, everyone wants to
win --

ARLEN HIRD
No, you wanna win, I wanna change
things.

DALTON TRUMBO
I want to win so I can change
things --

ARLEN HIRD
No, you want the Oscar you can’t
have and the money you burn through
writing shit for idiots.

DALTON TRUMBO
Why do I have to explain everything
like you’re a fucking child?

A beat, as Hird retreats quietly...

ARLEN HIRD
You don’t. Okay? You don’t.
(heads for exit)
Do what you do. It’s fine. For
you.

Trumbo, sensing he’s perhaps gone too far --

DALTON TRUMBO
(calming)
Arlen...



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 83.
CONTINUED:

ARLEN HIRD
I know what I’m fighting for. You
want another lake. And you know
what? You’re gonna get it.

Hird is gone. Trumbo is alone in the sudden quiet.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - DAY

Trumbo sits, still and silent, smoke curling off the
cigarette in his fingers, staring at a blank typewriter page.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - BATHROOM - NIGHT

The tub is full of hot water, Trumbo is in there, writing at
about half-speed, pausing every few words to smoke and rub
his head.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense confrontation, Dalton Trumbo and Arlen Hird argue over their differing motivations—Trumbo's desire for success to effect change versus Hird's focus on meaningful change without personal accolades. Their heated exchange reveals a deep ideological divide, leading to Hird's departure and leaving Trumbo alone to reflect on their conflict. The scene transitions to Trumbo in the bathroom, where he struggles to write, symbolizing his internal turmoil.
Strengths
  • Intense character dynamics
  • Emotional depth
  • Compelling thematic exploration
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil and inner conflict of the protagonist, providing depth and insight into his character. The intense dialogue and reflective moments create a compelling narrative that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of the scene, centered around the conflict between personal ambition and societal change, is compelling and thought-provoking. It explores complex themes of identity, creativity, and sacrifice.

Plot: 8

The plot of the scene revolves around the protagonist's internal struggle and the tension between his desires and responsibilities. It advances the overarching narrative by delving into the character's motivations and dilemmas.

Originality: 8

The scene presents a fresh take on the internal struggles of the characters, with authentic dialogue and complex motivations driving the conflict.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with nuanced personalities and conflicting motivations. The scene provides insight into the protagonist's internal turmoil and the dynamics between him and the supporting character.

Character Changes: 8

The protagonist undergoes a subtle shift in perspective, grappling with his conflicting desires and responsibilities. The scene sets the stage for potential character growth and development in future interactions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist, Dalton Trumbo, wants to win so he can change things. This reflects his desire for recognition and influence in order to make a difference in the world.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to beat 'them' and win against the opposition. This reflects the immediate challenge he is facing in the political and social climate of the time.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is palpable, stemming from the protagonist's internal struggle and the clash of ideologies between the characters. It adds tension and drama, driving the emotional intensity of the scene.

Opposition: 8

The opposition between the characters is strong, with conflicting goals and values driving the conflict.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the protagonist's decisions have far-reaching consequences for his career, relationships, and personal integrity. The outcome of his internal struggle will impact the trajectory of the story.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the protagonist's internal conflict and setting up future plot developments. It adds layers to the narrative and builds anticipation for the resolution of the character's dilemmas.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional outbursts and shifting power dynamics between the characters.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between wanting to win for personal gain and wanting to change things for the greater good. Trumbo's focus on winning awards and money clashes with Hird's desire to make a meaningful impact.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, drawing them into the protagonist's dilemma and inner turmoil. The intense moments and reflective dialogue enhance the emotional impact of the scene.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, intense, and revealing, effectively conveying the emotional depth of the characters and driving the conflict forward. It adds layers to the character interactions and enhances the scene's impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the intense emotional conflict between the characters and the high stakes of their goals.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene builds tension effectively, with pauses and emotional beats that enhance the dramatic impact.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-paced dialogue and character interactions that build tension effectively.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Dalton Trumbo and Arlen Hird, showcasing their differing motivations and philosophies. However, the dialogue can feel a bit on-the-nose at times, particularly with Trumbo's line about wanting to win to change things. This could be more subtly conveyed through actions or implications rather than explicit statements.
  • The emotional stakes are high, but the scene could benefit from more visual storytelling. For instance, incorporating physical actions or reactions that reflect their emotional states could enhance the tension. Instead of just dialogue, showing Trumbo pacing or Hird clenching his fists could add depth to their conflict.
  • The transition from the heated argument to Trumbo's solitude is effective, but the pacing feels abrupt. The shift from the argument to Trumbo's quiet contemplation could be smoothed out with a more gradual transition, perhaps by including a moment of silence or a lingering shot on Hird's exit before cutting to Trumbo alone.
  • Trumbo's character is portrayed as passionate and aggressive, which is compelling, but it might be beneficial to show a moment of vulnerability or doubt in his character. This could create a more nuanced portrayal and allow the audience to empathize with him, rather than viewing him solely as combative.
  • The scene ends with Trumbo in the bathroom, which is a good visual metaphor for his isolation and struggle, but it could be more impactful if it included a brief moment of reflection or a thought that encapsulates his internal conflict. This would provide a stronger emotional resonance as the scene transitions.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it feel more natural and less expository. Allow the characters' motivations to emerge through their actions and subtext rather than direct statements.
  • Add more physicality to the scene. Show how the characters' body language reflects their emotional states, which can enhance the tension and make the conflict feel more visceral.
  • Smooth the transition between the argument and Trumbo's solitude by including a moment of silence or a lingering shot that emphasizes the weight of the argument before cutting to Trumbo alone.
  • Introduce a moment of vulnerability for Trumbo, perhaps through a brief flashback or a line that reveals his deeper fears or regrets. This will create a more complex character and allow the audience to connect with him on a deeper level.
  • In the bathroom scene, consider adding a line of internal dialogue or a visual cue that encapsulates Trumbo's internal struggle, providing a stronger emotional conclusion to the scene.



Scene 41 -  A Birthday Divided
INT. KING BROTHERS - OUTER OFFICE - DAY

Cleo drops off a script to the Secretary, gets the cash
envelope.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - BATHROOM - NIGHT

Trumbo in the tub again, writing at top speed as WE RACK
FOCUS TO that pill bottle we saw in his office. And REVEAL
here it’s Benzedrine. From downstairs, he can just barely
hear CHEERFUL FAMILY VOICES --

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Niki, just turning 16 now, blows out the candles on her
birthday cake. APPLAUSE from Cleo, Chris and Mitzi, all
hugging her.

MITZI
You sure we shouldn’t go knock?

CLEO
I’m sure.

Niki stares at her smoking candles, angry.

NIKI
He can’t take five minutes -- ?

CLEO
No.

NIKI
(testing)
Two minutes. One minute.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 84.
CONTINUED:

CLEO
Chris. Get the good plates.

NIKI
I’ll do it.

She exits and --

INT. TRUMBO HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

-- parks herself outside the closed bathroom door. She
hesitates, then KNOCKS. The typing STOPS.

NIKI
Dad? We’re having birthday cake.

The door flies open and there’s Trumbo, soaked, half-in his
robe, enraged.

DALTON TRUMBO
When I’m working, you don’t knock!

NIKI
But it’s my --

DALTON TRUMBO
You don’t knock! Ever!

NIKI
So the house is on fire, you don’t
want to know?

DALTON TRUMBO
I work in a BATHTUB! Surrounded by
WATER! So even if the whole WORLD
catches fire --

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - HALL - CONTINUOUS

DALTON TRUMBO
(raging at Niki)
-- I can still be this family’s
personal goddamn SLAVE and all I
ask is not to be interrupted for
every fucking slice of FUCKING CAKE
you see fit to -- !

Cleo appears, slicing a look into Trumbo that shames him into
silence. He takes a breath, all is still, then he SLAMS the
door and is gone. Niki, terrified and humiliated, runs down
the hall, crying.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 85.
CONTINUED:

Cleo stands, unsure what to do. She lifts her hand to knock
on the bathroom door, again hears TYPING and thinks better of
it. She then follows the sound of her daughter’s SOBS.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - HALL - NIGHT

A bone-tired Trumbo heads for the master bedroom. Through
the open door, he sees the bluish flicker of a black & white
TV and some familiar words from long ago...

EDWARD G. ROBINSON/”MANNY” (V.O.,
O.S.)
What do you want? What we all
want.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary On Niki's 16th birthday, Cleo delivers a script to the Secretary while Trumbo isolates himself in the bathtub, consumed by his writing. Niki, feeling neglected, confronts her father, seeking his attention for her celebration. Their heated exchange reveals Trumbo's frustration with balancing family life and work, leading to Niki running away in tears. Cleo, caught in the middle, chooses to support her daughter instead of confronting Trumbo. The scene concludes with Trumbo, exhausted and conflicted, heading to the master bedroom, reflecting on his turmoil as he hears familiar TV dialogue.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intense conflict
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the emotional turmoil within the Trumbo family, with intense dialogue and tense interactions. The conflict and character development are well-executed, providing depth to the storyline.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the personal sacrifices made by a writer for his career and the impact on his family is compelling. The scene effectively conveys the internal conflict faced by Trumbo and the consequences of his choices.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the strained relationship between Trumbo and his daughter, adding depth to the overall narrative. The conflict and emotional turmoil drive the storyline forward.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh perspective on the challenges of balancing creative work and family life, with nuanced character interactions and emotional depth. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Trumbo portrayed as a dedicated but conflicted writer, and Niki as a frustrated and misunderstood teenager. The emotional depth of the characters enhances the scene's impact.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases a subtle shift in Niki's perception of her father, highlighting her growing frustration and sense of alienation. Trumbo's outburst also reveals his internal struggle and the impact of his work on his family.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his creative focus and productivity despite the distractions and demands of his family. This reflects his deeper need for validation and success in his career as a screenwriter.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to assert his authority and boundaries within his family, particularly in regards to his work space and time. This reflects the immediate challenge of balancing his personal and professional life.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense, primarily revolving around the strained relationship between Trumbo and his daughter Niki. The emotional turmoil and heated exchanges heighten the tension and drama.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting desires and power struggles between the characters that create obstacles and challenges for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 7

While the stakes are primarily focused on the strained family relationships, the emotional consequences for Trumbo and Niki are significant. The scene sets the stage for potential resolutions and character growth.

Story Forward: 8

The scene contributes to the overall narrative by deepening the exploration of Trumbo's personal life and the challenges he faces. It adds layers to the character dynamics and sets the stage for further development.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional outbursts, shifting power dynamics, and unresolved tensions between the characters, creating a sense of suspense and uncertainty.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between individual creative expression and familial responsibilities. Trumbo's dedication to his work conflicts with his daughter's desire for attention and recognition on her birthday.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of anger, sadness, and tension. The raw emotions displayed by the characters resonate with the audience, creating a powerful and memorable moment.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene effectively conveys the emotional tension between characters, showcasing their inner turmoil and conflicting emotions. The sharp exchanges and raw emotions enhance the scene's intensity.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflict, dynamic character interactions, and suspenseful pacing that keeps the audience invested in the outcome of the family drama.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional intensity, with well-timed shifts in focus and dialogue that enhance the dramatic impact of the character interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, action descriptions, and character dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure that effectively transitions between different locations and character interactions, maintaining a cohesive narrative flow.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Trumbo's dedication to his work and his family's desire for his presence during a significant moment, Niki's birthday. However, the emotional stakes could be heightened by providing more context about Niki's feelings towards her father's absence. This would allow the audience to empathize more deeply with her frustration and sense of neglect.
  • Trumbo's outburst is powerful and showcases his internal struggle, but it may come off as overly aggressive without sufficient buildup. The dialogue could benefit from a more gradual escalation of tension, allowing the audience to feel the weight of his frustration before it culminates in the explosion. This would make his anger more relatable and less jarring.
  • Cleo's reaction to Trumbo's outburst is a pivotal moment, yet it feels somewhat passive. While she does shame him into silence, her character could be more active in addressing the situation. Perhaps she could express her disappointment or concern for both Niki and Trumbo, which would add depth to her character and the family dynamic.
  • The use of the Benzedrine pill bottle as a visual cue is effective in illustrating Trumbo's reliance on stimulants to cope with his workload. However, it could be more explicitly tied to his emotional state in this scene. A brief moment where Trumbo reflects on his need for the pills could enhance the audience's understanding of his mental and emotional struggles.
  • The transition from the bathroom to the master bedroom is visually interesting, but it could be more impactful if it included a moment of reflection for Trumbo. This could serve to highlight his internal conflict and the consequences of his actions, making the scene feel more cohesive.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of dialogue or action that illustrates Niki's feelings about her father's absence before she confronts him. This could be a line expressing her disappointment or a visual cue showing her longing for his attention.
  • Introduce a gradual build-up to Trumbo's outburst by incorporating smaller frustrations or distractions that lead to his eventual explosion. This would make his anger feel more justified and relatable.
  • Enhance Cleo's character by giving her a more active role in the confrontation. Allow her to express her feelings about Trumbo's behavior and its impact on the family, which would add complexity to her character.
  • Incorporate a moment where Trumbo acknowledges his reliance on Benzedrine, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a visual cue that connects his drug use to his emotional state. This would deepen the audience's understanding of his struggles.
  • Add a reflective moment for Trumbo as he transitions from the bathroom to the master bedroom, allowing him to contemplate the consequences of his actions and the impact on his family. This would create a more cohesive narrative arc within the scene.



Scene 42 -  Fighting Shadows
INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - MASTER BDRM - CONTINUOUS

Trumbo enters, sees Cleo watching an old movie on TV. It’s
the one from MGM, 1947. Trumbo is transfixed.

ON TV - WE FINALLY GET TO SEE THE WHOLE SCENE

Smoothly acted, shot and cut together under lush MUSIC:

EDWARD G. ROBINSON/“MANNY” (ON TV)
To not die young, poor or alone.

“ROCCO” (ON TV)
Manny, these guys... I don’t give
’em what they’re after, they’ll
kill me.

“Rocco” starts to go.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON/“MANNY” (ON TV)
Hold it, Rocco.

“Manny” takes out his revolver -- and aims it at “Rocco,” who
freezes.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON/“MANNY” (ON TV)
(CONT’D)
If we don’t fight these guys,
sure, maybe you get that long,
happy life we all want... but your
eyes never really close again...
’cause you spend that life scared
of every noise in the dark. We
both do.
(beat)
I can’t let you do this, Rocco...
so I just have to convince you I’m
right.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 86.
CONTINUED:

Then -- “Manny” TWIRLS the gun with practiced élan, so he’s
now holding the barrel as he HANDS it to “Rocco,” butt-first.
“Rocco,” thrown and relieved, takes it.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON/“MANNY” (ON TV)
(CONT’D)
(grins)
After all, kid, what’re friends
for?

TRUMBO AND CLEO BOTH WATCH, NEVER LOOKING AT EACH OTHER

As she’s taken back to that simpler time a decade ago.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - NIKI’S ROOM - NEXT DAY

She is still enraged. Her mother KNOCKS.

NIKI
Don’t defend him, okay? He knows
he’s wrong, he just doesn’t like
that I saw it before he did.

CLEO
I think he was just surprised. To
see another adult in the house.

NIKI
He has to be right, all the time.
How do you stand it?

CLEO
Well, there are times... especially
lately...
(beat)
C’mon.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - CLEO’S DARK ROOM - DAY

Cleo and Niki stand at that speed bag, hanging from the
ceiling.

Cleo JABS it once, it bounces, she JABS again, it bounces
faster, then again and again and again and again and to her
daughter’s amazement, Cleo is as expert as a pro.

NIKI
Do you imagine that’s his head?

CLEO
No.

Cleo stops. Offers Niki a chance.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 87.
CONTINUED:

CLEO (CONT’D)
But you can.

Niki hesitates, then crosses over, lifts her fist and --
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary Trumbo enters his master bedroom to find Cleo engrossed in an old MGM movie, where a character confronts fear with courage. This silent moment evokes nostalgia between them. The next day, Niki confronts Cleo about her anger towards Trumbo, leading to a boxing session where Cleo surprises Niki with her skills. Cleo encourages Niki to channel her frustration into the sport, symbolizing empowerment amidst familial tensions.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Family dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited external action
  • Focused on internal conflicts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively delves into the emotional complexities of the characters, particularly Trumbo and Niki, while also showcasing Cleo's surprising skill. The tension and emotional depth elevate the impact of the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the family dynamics amidst adversity and the impact of Trumbo's work on his relationships is well-developed. The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of their situation.

Plot: 8

The plot progression focuses on the emotional turmoil within the family, particularly the strained relationship between Trumbo and Niki. The scene moves the story forward by deepening the understanding of the characters' struggles.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on family dynamics and moral dilemmas, with authentic character interactions and emotional depth that set it apart from conventional storytelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Trumbo, Cleo, and Niki, are well-developed and their emotions are portrayed authentically. The scene allows for character growth and reveals the complexities of their relationships.

Character Changes: 8

The scene shows a significant emotional change in Niki, as she confronts her father and expresses her frustrations. Trumbo also experiences a moment of reflection and realization about his impact on his family.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal is to reconcile with his daughter Niki and navigate the challenges of their strained relationship. This reflects his deeper desire for connection and understanding with his family.

External Goal: 7

Trumbo's external goal is to maintain a sense of stability and normalcy in his household despite the conflicts and tensions arising.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Trumbo, Cleo, and Niki is emotionally charged, highlighting the underlying tensions within the family. The scene effectively conveys the internal struggles and external challenges they face.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong enough to create conflict and tension, challenging the characters' beliefs and values and keeping the audience engaged.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes are high in terms of the emotional well-being of the family, especially Niki's relationship with her father. The scene highlights the challenges they face and the importance of resilience.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional complexities of the characters and their relationships. It adds depth to the narrative and sets the stage for further developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected character choices, moral dilemmas, and emotional conflicts that keep the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of morality, loyalty, and the consequences of one's actions. Trumbo is faced with the dilemma of doing what is right for his family while also staying true to his values.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of anger, sadness, and resilience in the characters and the audience. The poignant moments of reflection and conflict resonate deeply.

Dialogue: 7.5

The dialogue effectively conveys the emotional tension and conflict between the characters, adding depth to their interactions. The conversations feel authentic and contribute to the scene's impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, character dynamics, and moral dilemmas that keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene contributes to its effectiveness by balancing emotional moments with character interactions, maintaining the audience's interest and building tension.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, character actions, and dialogue cues that enhance readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a coherent structure with clear transitions between different locations and character interactions, maintaining the audience's engagement.


Critique
  • The scene effectively juxtaposes Trumbo's current struggles with the nostalgic comfort of the past, as represented by the old MGM movie. This contrast highlights Trumbo's internal conflict and the emotional weight of his choices, but it could benefit from deeper exploration of Trumbo's feelings as he watches the film. What specific memories or emotions does it evoke for him? Adding a brief internal monologue or visual flashback could enhance this connection.
  • The dialogue from the movie is poignant and thematically relevant, emphasizing the fear of living a life dominated by fear. However, the transition from the movie dialogue to Trumbo and Cleo's silent observation could be more pronounced. Consider incorporating subtle reactions from Trumbo that reflect his thoughts on the dialogue, perhaps through facial expressions or body language, to create a stronger emotional resonance.
  • The scene shifts to Niki's room the next day, which serves to highlight the ongoing family tension. However, the transition feels abrupt. A brief moment of silence or a visual cue that indicates the passage of time could smooth this transition. Additionally, Niki's dialogue could be more impactful if it included a specific example of Trumbo's behavior that frustrates her, making her anger more relatable and grounded.
  • Cleo's boxing scene with Niki is a clever metaphor for empowerment and resilience, but it could be more visually dynamic. Consider incorporating more action and energy into the boxing scene, perhaps by showing Cleo's technique in more detail or having Niki's initial hesitance contrasted with her growing confidence as she punches the bag. This would enhance the emotional arc of the scene and provide a satisfying visual payoff.
  • The scene ends on a note of potential reconciliation between Cleo and Niki, but it feels somewhat rushed. Expanding on this moment with a brief exchange that captures their bond or shared understanding could provide a more satisfying conclusion to the scene. This would also reinforce the theme of family unity amidst chaos.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief internal monologue or visual flashback for Trumbo as he watches the movie, to deepen the emotional connection to the past.
  • Incorporate subtle reactions from Trumbo during the movie dialogue to enhance the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • Smooth the transition to Niki's room by including a moment that indicates the passage of time, such as a visual cue or a brief pause.
  • Make the boxing scene more dynamic by showcasing Cleo's technique and Niki's progression from hesitance to confidence.
  • Expand the ending moment between Cleo and Niki to include a brief exchange that reinforces their bond and provides a more satisfying conclusion.



Scene 43 -  Confronting the Past
INT. ROSS INTERNATIONAL - BUDDY’S OUTER OFFICE - DAY

Niki crosses past SECRETARIES and CREW in a whirl of pre-
production. She delivers the script to Buddy. He takes it,
kisses it with a LOUD SMACK. He holds his hand out to shake
hers but she’s already turned to exit, stone-faced.

INT./EXT. AN OLD APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

Trumbo KNOCKS on a peeling door, soon opened by an earnest
YOUNG MAN.

DALTON TRUMBO
I’d like to see Arlen Hird?

YOUNG MAN
I’m Andrew, his son...

DALTON TRUMBO
(shakes hands)
Dalton Trumbo. I’m certain your
father’s said awful things about
me, I assure you they’re all true
but I’ve opted for early senility
and forgotten everything, so...

ANDREW HIRD
Mr. Trumbo...

The young man pauses, unsure how to go on.

INT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY

A cheap closed casket.

His son Andrew sits in the front row. Next to him, a YOUNGER
BROTHER. Both wearing yarmulkes. And behind them, row after
row, all empty. And in the very back, Trumbo sits with Ian
McLellan Hunter.

INT. FUNERAL HOME - HALL - DAY

Hunter and Trumbo shake hands with the two Hird boys. Andrew
reaches into his coat.

ANDREW HIRD
Dad left something for you.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 88.
CONTINUED:

He hands a small ledger to Trumbo.

ANDREW HIRD (CONT’D)
A record... money he owed you, some
other people. I’m sorry, I wish we
could pay you back.

Trumbo is moved, shakes his head, lays a hand on the boy’s
shoulder.

DALTON TRUMBO
No, Andrew... no. I owed him. The
debts are all mine.

INT. EDWARD G. ROBINSON’S MANSION - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Trumbo waits alone, admiring Robinson’s magnificent and huge
collection of French Impressionists. Where before there were
five or six paintings here, now:

Over twenty famous works of art crowd the spotlit walls.

Robinson enters, pauses in the doorway with his BUTLER, nods
for him to leave, then gathers himself, striding in.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Well.

DALTON TRUMBO
Hello, Eddie.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
This is a bit of a surprise...
What, uh... what can I do for you?

Trumbo takes an envelope out.

DALTON TRUMBO
Arlen died.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
I heard, I was on location.

Trumbo offers the envelope. Robinson just looks at it.

DALTON TRUMBO
He left a record of his debts.
(the envelope)
This is the money you gave us. For
the defense fund. It’s everything
we owe you. Arlen included.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 89.
CONTINUED:

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
No, now that was a gift --

DALTON TRUMBO
We’d like it off the books.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
What is this supposed to be, some
kind of message? What you and
Arlen and the Great Hollywood Ten
all think of me?

Trumbo lays the envelope on a table and starts to go.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON (CONT’D)
Fine. Fine. But first, you’re
gonna listen.

Trumbo pauses. Robinson gathers himself.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON (CONT’D)
After you went to jail, I didn’t
work for a year. No offers, not
even an audition. People’d see me,
cross the street, people I loved,
people I made rich.
(then)
I sat in front of that Committee...
why? I didn’t do anything, none of
us did anything, we were just
stupid babies, with no business in
any of it!
(long beat)
I just wanted my life back. They
had every name -- yours, Arlen’s,
everybody’s, I didn’t give them
anything they didn’t already have,
I ended it, is all, I just... ended
it.

DALTON TRUMBO
Eddie, you don’t end something like
this by giving them what they have
no right to ask for.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
You’re gonna tell me how I shoulda
handled it? Like you handled
Congress?

DALTON TRUMBO
Are you proud of what you did, is
that what you’re saying?


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 90.
CONTINUED: (2)

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
Proud? Who the hell gets to be
proud? You! With your fake names
and fronts, got all the work you
want, I gotta go out in the world,
every day, this --
(his own face)
-- is my work -- I got no one else
to be, I did what I had to --

DALTON TRUMBO
(comes at him, hard)
You did what you wanted. And you
did it for more! More movies, more
money, more dead bullshit on your
walls!

Robinson is pale and shaken. Trumbo takes a step back.
Tries to calm himself. Starts to go.

EDWARD G. ROBINSON
What I did, I did. But you get to
wonder how many years you hacked
off Arlen’s life to show the world
what a rebel genius you are. Live
with that.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a tense and somber scene, Niki delivers a script to Buddy but leaves without acknowledgment. Dalton Trumbo visits Andrew Hird, who presents him with a ledger of debts owed by his father, Arlen. At Arlen's funeral, Trumbo interacts with Andrew and his brother before confronting Edward G. Robinson at his mansion about a financial gift for the defense fund. Their heated argument reveals deep regrets and moral conflicts stemming from the Hollywood blacklist era, ending without resolution and highlighting the strain in their relationship.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intense dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Heavy dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally charged, with intense dialogue and deep character exploration. The confrontation between Trumbo and Robinson is gripping and reveals layers of regret and defiance, making it a standout moment in the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring past debts and regrets through a confrontation between characters is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively conveys the emotional weight of past actions and the complexities of forgiveness.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced through the emotional conflict and revelations in the scene. It deepens the understanding of the characters' motivations and relationships, adding layers to the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era, exploring the personal and professional struggles of iconic figures like Trumbo and Robinson. The dialogue feels authentic and resonant, capturing the complexities of the characters' motivations.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters are richly developed in this scene, with Trumbo and Robinson displaying complex emotions and conflicting perspectives. Their interactions reveal deep-seated regrets and personal struggles, making them compelling and multi-dimensional.

Character Changes: 9

Both Trumbo and Robinson undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, confronting their past actions and regrets. Their interactions lead to moments of reflection, defiance, and acceptance, shaping their character arcs and deepening their development.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile with his past mistakes and come to terms with the consequences of his actions. He is seeking forgiveness and closure from those he has wronged.

External Goal: 7

Trumbo's external goal in this scene is to settle financial debts and resolve conflicts with his colleagues. He is trying to make amends and move forward in his career.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and emotionally charged, stemming from the characters' conflicting perspectives and unresolved past actions. It drives the emotional tension and reveals the deep-seated regrets and struggles of the characters.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting values and motivations driving the characters' interactions. The audience is left uncertain of how the conflicts will be resolved.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene as Trumbo and Robinson confront their past actions and grapple with feelings of regret and forgiveness. The emotional weight of their interactions adds intensity to the moment and raises the stakes for their future decisions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by delving into the emotional aftermath of Arlen Hird's death and exploring the impact of past actions on the characters. It deepens the narrative complexity and sets the stage for further character development and plot progression.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional revelations and character dynamics. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the conflicts will be resolved.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the characters' differing views on loyalty, integrity, and personal sacrifice. Trumbo believes in standing up for his principles, while Robinson prioritizes self-preservation and success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of sadness, regret, and defiance in the audience. The powerful performances and intense dialogue create a deeply moving and memorable moment in the screenplay.

Dialogue: 9.2

The dialogue in the scene is powerful and impactful, driving the emotional intensity of the confrontation between Trumbo and Robinson. It effectively conveys the characters' emotions, regrets, and conflicting viewpoints.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional conflicts, moral dilemmas, and high stakes. The audience is drawn into the characters' struggles and motivations.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and emotional impact, with well-timed pauses and character beats. The rhythm of the dialogue enhances the scene's dramatic intensity.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene is well-formatted and easy to follow, with clear scene descriptions and character actions. The formatting enhances the readability and impact of the dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for dramatic confrontations, building tension through dialogue and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm are effective in conveying the emotional stakes of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Trumbo's confrontation with Robinson, showcasing their differing perspectives on the Hollywood blacklist and personal sacrifice. However, the dialogue can feel a bit heavy-handed at times, particularly in the exchanges where Trumbo and Robinson accuse each other of their choices. This could be refined to allow for more subtext and nuance, letting the audience infer the deeper meanings behind their words.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat uneven. The initial interactions between Trumbo and Andrew Hird are brief and serve as a setup, but they lack emotional depth. This could be expanded to create a stronger emotional connection to Arlen Hird's death and its impact on Trumbo. The transition from this moment to the funeral home feels abrupt, and a smoother transition could enhance the flow of the narrative.
  • Robinson's emotional breakdown is powerful, but it could benefit from more visual cues to emphasize his internal struggle. For instance, showing him physically reacting to the memories of his past or the weight of his decisions could add layers to his character and make the audience empathize with him more.
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Robinson is confrontational, which is effective, but it risks becoming repetitive. The scene could be improved by incorporating more varied emotional beats, such as moments of silence or reflection, to break up the tension and allow the audience to absorb the gravity of their conversation.
  • The use of the envelope as a physical object in the scene is a strong choice, symbolizing the debts and the weight of their past. However, the significance of this gesture could be further emphasized through Trumbo's internal thoughts or flashbacks that illustrate his relationship with Arlen Hird, making the moment more poignant.
Suggestions
  • Consider expanding the initial interaction between Trumbo and Andrew Hird to include more emotional context about Arlen's death, perhaps through Andrew's memories or feelings about his father's legacy.
  • Smooth out the transitions between locations and emotional beats to create a more cohesive flow. This could involve adding brief moments of reflection or dialogue that connect the scenes more naturally.
  • Incorporate more visual storytelling elements to convey Robinson's emotional state, such as close-ups of his face or body language that reflect his internal conflict.
  • Introduce varied emotional beats in the dialogue to prevent repetition and allow for moments of silence that can heighten the tension and emotional impact of the confrontation.
  • Enhance the significance of the envelope by including Trumbo's internal monologue or flashbacks that provide context for his relationship with Arlen Hird, making the moment of handing over the ledger more impactful.



Scene 44 -  Betrayal at Romanoff's
INT. ROMANOFF’S - NIGHT

Trumbo downs a shot at the stylish, CROWDED industry watering
hole as the BARTENDER pours him another.

HEDDA HOPPER (O.S.)
Drinking alone?

He turns. She smiles. A beat as he adjusts to her presence.

DALTON TRUMBO
Preferably. You?

HEDDA HOPPER
Work. What’re you up to these
days?

DALTON TRUMBO
You know, Hedda, one more...
(downs his next shot)
...and I just might tell you.

HEDDA HOPPER
Then I’m buying.
(signals for two more)
Come on, I hear the rumors.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 91.
CONTINUED:
HEDDA HOPPER (CONT'D)
Show me you’re still in the game,
fighting the good fight.
(lowers voice, leans in)
Rub my face in it. Whisper a movie
you’ve written in secret. Maybe
I’ve even heard of it.

DALTON TRUMBO
Maybe you have.

A familiar face breaks through the CROWD --

BUDDY ROSS
(to Hedda)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, I’m shooting,
it’s crazy, I --

He sees Trumbo and freezes. Hedda clocks that.

HEDDA HOPPER
Buddy. You know Dalton Trumbo.

A long pause as the two men look at one another.

DALTON TRUMBO
We worked together.
(then)
At MGM. A million years ago.

HEDDA HOPPER
(to Buddy)
I hear the script for your new one
needs work. Hire Dalton, he used
to be pretty good... and price-wise
he’d be bargain basement.

The Bartender brings the two shots.

HEDDA HOPPER (CONT’D)
(to Trumbo)
Of course, you’d never. Not after
Buddy named names.

Trumbo tries to hide his surprise. And almost succeeds.

HEDDA HOPPER (CONT’D)
You didn’t know? Mm-hm. Word was,
he’d hired someone he shouldn’t
have. So he got subpoenaed,
testified. Closed session, no
press. Makes it easier.
(beat)
He named you, of course.
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 92.
CONTINUED: (2)
HEDDA HOPPER (CONT’D)
Now he’s been cleared. Gets to go
make his movie. In a way, thanks
to you.

Buddy looks like he’s being turned on a spit. Trumbo downs
his shot and exits as he SLAPS a bill on the bar.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In the crowded bar Romanoff's, Dalton Trumbo is approached by Hedda Hopper, who presses him for details about his work. Their conversation takes a tense turn when Buddy Ross interrupts, leading to the shocking revelation that he testified against Trumbo. Stunned by this betrayal, Trumbo finishes his drink and leaves the bar, choosing to walk away from the confrontation.
Strengths
  • Intense emotional impact
  • Revealing character dynamics
  • High-stakes conflict
Weaknesses
  • Limited physical action
  • Reliance on dialogue for tension

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively builds tension and reveals a significant betrayal, setting the stage for further conflict and character development.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of confronting past betrayals and navigating the repercussions of the Hollywood blacklist is compelling and drives the scene forward.

Plot: 8

The plot advances through the revelation of betrayal and the characters' responses, setting up future conflicts and developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the theme of betrayal in Hollywood, with complex character relationships and moral dilemmas. The authenticity of the characters' actions and dialogue adds to the originality.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' reactions to the betrayal and their complex relationships are central to the scene, adding depth and emotional resonance.

Character Changes: 8

The revelation of betrayal prompts emotional and psychological changes in the characters, setting the stage for further development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and hide his surprise upon learning about Buddy's betrayal. This reflects his fear of being exposed and his desire to protect his reputation.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to navigate the social interactions at the bar and maintain his reputation in the face of adversity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict between Trumbo and Buddy, as well as the revelation of betrayal, creates a high-stakes and emotionally charged atmosphere.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the revelation of Buddy's betrayal creating a significant obstacle for the protagonist to overcome.

High Stakes: 9

The high stakes of betrayal, redemption, and the impact of the Hollywood blacklist raise the tension and significance of the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by revealing crucial information and deepening the conflicts and relationships among the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected revelation of Buddy's betrayal and its impact on the protagonist.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around loyalty, betrayal, and the consequences of one's actions. It challenges the protagonist's beliefs about trust and integrity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions through its exploration of betrayal, resentment, and the impact of past actions on relationships.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue effectively conveys tension, resentment, and surprise, enhancing the emotional impact of the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its intriguing dialogue, character dynamics, and the revelation of a shocking betrayal.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting adheres to the standard screenplay format, making it easy to follow and visualize the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for a dialogue-driven interaction in a bar setting, effectively building tension and revealing character motivations.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Trumbo and Hopper, showcasing their complicated relationship and the underlying animosity stemming from the Hollywood blacklist. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the emotional stakes. Trumbo's reaction to Hopper's comments about Buddy naming names feels somewhat muted; exploring his internal conflict more vividly could enhance the impact.
  • The introduction of Buddy Ross adds an interesting dynamic, but his presence feels somewhat abrupt. A brief moment of tension or acknowledgment between Trumbo and Buddy before Hopper's revelation could heighten the stakes and provide a clearer sense of their shared history. This would also allow the audience to feel the weight of Buddy's actions more acutely.
  • Hopper's dialogue is sharp and engaging, but it risks overshadowing Trumbo's character development. While she serves as a catalyst for the revelation about Buddy, Trumbo's responses could be more layered. Instead of simply reacting to her provocations, he could exhibit a mix of anger, betrayal, and resignation, which would make his exit more poignant.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the lively bar atmosphere to the heavy revelation about Buddy could be smoother. Consider incorporating more sensory details about the bar's ambiance to contrast with the emotional weight of the conversation, enhancing the feeling of isolation Trumbo experiences as he processes the news.
  • The ending, where Trumbo exits after slapping a bill on the bar, is impactful but could be strengthened by a more definitive action or line that encapsulates his emotional state. A brief moment of hesitation or a final glance back at Hopper or Buddy could add depth to his departure, emphasizing his internal struggle.
Suggestions
  • Add more subtext to Trumbo's dialogue to reflect his internal conflict regarding Buddy's actions and the implications of the blacklist.
  • Introduce a moment of tension or acknowledgment between Trumbo and Buddy before Hopper's revelation to establish their shared history and the weight of Buddy's betrayal.
  • Layer Trumbo's responses to Hopper's provocations with a mix of emotions, such as anger, betrayal, and resignation, to deepen his character development.
  • Incorporate more sensory details about the bar's atmosphere to contrast with the emotional weight of the conversation, enhancing Trumbo's sense of isolation.
  • Consider adding a moment of hesitation or a final glance back at Hopper or Buddy as Trumbo exits, to emphasize his internal struggle and make his departure more impactful.



Scene 45 -  Clash of Priorities
INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - DAY

WHAP! A below-the-fold headline is SLAPPED onto Trumbo’s
desk by Niki, highlighting the headline:

“CONGRESSMEN DEMAND RACIAL SEGREGATION”

“’Negroes Have No Federal Right To Equality,’

Say Leading Democrats”

NIKI
(appalled, angry)
Can you believe it?

Trumbo is at his desk, sliding pages into a manila envelope
as Chris waits, wearing a sport coat and tie, and Niki raises
a clipboard of signatures she holds.

NIKI (CONT’D)
Democrats. Voting for segregation.

DALTON TRUMBO
(correcting)
Southern Democrats.

NIKI
Here’s the petition.
(her clipboard)
I’ve already got over a thousand
signatures.

DALTON TRUMBO
(signs)
Happy to make it a thousand and
one.
(hands Chris his envelope)
And the new draft. I need it
delivered to Hymie King in Agoura.

CHRIS
Wait, I thought the Kings, in
Hollywood.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 93.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO
No, these are the rewrites, being
shot tonight, Hymie needs them on
set, now.

NIKI
Agoura’s fifty miles.

DALTON TRUMBO
I’m sure Chris knows that.

NIKI
Well, he can’t --

DALTON TRUMBO
-- excuse me?

NIKI
He has a date.
(to Chris)
Tell him.

CHRIS
(hating this)
I...

DALTON TRUMBO
(to Chris)
Is she your girlfriend? Is it
serious? Does she have some
objection to romantic Agoura?

NIKI
He’s taking her to a movie.

DALTON TRUMBO
All right, Nikola, then you deliver
the pages.

NIKI
I have a protest.
(the clipboard)
For this.

DALTON TRUMBO
Since when do protests have hard
start times -- ?

CHRIS
I’ll do it --

DALTON TRUMBO
Niki. Will do it.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 94.
CONTINUED: (2)

NIKI
I said, I can’t --

DALTON TRUMBO
Young lady, you will --

NIKI
(her clipboard)
-- this is important --

DALTON TRUMBO
(his envelope)
-- so is this --

NIKI
This is important to me -- the
date’s important to Chris -- figure
something else out --

DALTON TRUMBO
-- I’ll tell you what I’ve figured
out, that under this roof resides a
moody, self-righteous malcontent.

NIKI
Yep. We all live with him.

She coolly exits past a rattled Chris, and as she turns in
the hall, passes Cleo, who’s been listening. Trumbo, who
can’t see Cleo, nods for Chris to pick up the scenes. Chris
does so obediently, and also exits the study... under Cleo’s
protective gaze. She has now made a decision.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Trumbo's study, Niki confronts Dalton Trumbo about a newspaper headline regarding racial segregation, expressing her outrage and revealing her efforts to organize a protest with over a thousand signatures. Trumbo, however, insists that Chris deliver a draft to Hymie King, dismissing Niki's concerns about the protest's importance and Chris's prior engagement. Tension escalates as Niki argues passionately for the protest, but Trumbo remains authoritative, leading to Niki's frustrated exit. Chris reluctantly complies with Trumbo's orders, while Cleo observes the conflict, indicating a decision about her involvement.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Realistic dialogue
  • Character depth
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively portrays the escalating tension within the family, highlighting the conflicting priorities and emotions of the characters. The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing underlying resentments and power struggles.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of family conflict and generational differences is effectively explored in the scene, adding depth to the characters and setting up potential character growth and resolution in future scenes.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the exploration of the family dynamics and the tensions between the characters. The conflict adds complexity to the narrative and sets up potential developments in the relationships.

Originality: 8.5

The scene presents a fresh approach to political conflict and moral dilemmas, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the time period and setting.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations that drive the conflict in the scene. Niki's defiance, Trumbo's authority, and Cleo's silent intervention all contribute to the depth of the character interactions.

Character Changes: 7

Niki challenges her father's authority and expresses her frustrations, leading to a moment of decision for Cleo to intervene. This dynamic sets the stage for potential character growth and resolution in future scenes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to stand up for what she believes in and challenge the authority figures in the scene. This reflects her deeper need for justice and equality.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to deliver the pages to Hymie King in Agoura. This reflects the immediate challenge of meeting a deadline and dealing with conflicting priorities.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and emotionally charged, showcasing the power struggles and resentments within the family. The confrontation between Niki and Trumbo adds depth to the relationships and sets up potential resolutions.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting priorities and power dynamics creating obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 7

The high stakes in the scene revolve around the family relationships and the potential impact of the conflict on the characters' dynamics and future interactions.

Story Forward: 7

The scene primarily focuses on developing the family dynamics and setting up potential conflicts and resolutions, contributing to the overall narrative progression.

Unpredictability: 7.5

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral dilemmas faced by the characters, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between standing up for one's beliefs and conforming to authority. Trumbo represents the authority figure while Niki challenges his decisions, highlighting the clash of values and beliefs.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in the portrayal of family tensions and the characters' struggles to communicate and understand each other.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp and impactful, revealing the underlying emotions and power dynamics between the characters. The confrontational exchanges add tension and authenticity to the scene.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and character dynamics that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with tension building gradually and character interactions driving the momentum of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The formatting of the scene is well-executed, with clear scene descriptions and dialogue formatting that enhances readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Trumbo's professional obligations and his daughter's activism, showcasing the generational conflict. However, the dialogue can feel a bit on-the-nose, particularly in how Niki expresses her anger and frustration. This could be more subtly conveyed through actions or reactions rather than explicit statements.
  • Trumbo's character comes across as domineering and dismissive, which is essential for establishing conflict, but it may benefit from moments that reveal his internal struggle or vulnerability. This would add depth to his character and make his authoritarian stance more relatable.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the back-and-forth between Niki and Trumbo. While the urgency of the situation is clear, allowing for brief pauses or reactions could enhance the emotional weight of their confrontation.
  • The visual elements, such as the headline and the clipboard of signatures, are strong, but the scene could benefit from more descriptive action beats that illustrate the characters' physical states and emotions. For example, showing Niki's body language or Trumbo's physical reactions could enhance the tension.
  • Cleo's presence is noted but not fully utilized in this scene. Her protective gaze suggests she has a decision to make, but it would be more impactful if her internal conflict was more explicitly tied to the dialogue or actions of Trumbo and Niki.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Trumbo reflects on the significance of Niki's protest, perhaps through a brief internal monologue or a flashback that connects his past activism to her current efforts. This could create a more profound emotional connection between them.
  • Introduce a physical action that symbolizes the conflict, such as Niki slamming the clipboard down or Trumbo crumpling the envelope. This would visually represent their emotional states and heighten the drama.
  • Allow for a moment of silence or a pause after Niki's outburst, giving Trumbo a chance to process her words. This could lead to a more nuanced response rather than an immediate rebuttal, showcasing his internal struggle.
  • Enhance Cleo's role by giving her a line or action that indicates her stance on the conflict between Trumbo and Niki. This could serve to deepen her character and provide a counterpoint to Trumbo's authoritarianism.
  • Consider revising some of the dialogue to be more subtextual, allowing the characters' emotions to be conveyed through their actions and reactions rather than explicit statements. This can create a more engaging and layered scene.



Scene 46 -  Confrontation in the Dark
EXT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - NIGHT

One light on, upstairs.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Trumbo enters in his pajamas. Cleo, in robe and slippers,
sits by the window, looking out.

DALTON TRUMBO
She hasn’t been gone that long and
it’s not that late. This is a
blatant attempt to manipulate
worry.

CLEO
Do you know when I realized I had
to leave Hal?




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 95.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO
(beat; thrown; then)
Hal, Hal who?

CLEO
My first husband.

DALTON TRUMBO
(struck)
Jesus Take The Wheel...

CLEO
It wasn’t when you hired that
detective... or asked me if I
really loved him... because by then
we both knew the answer was no.
(then)
It was my wedding night.
(to clarify for him)
My first wedding night. With Hal.

Nothing about this turn in the conversation is anything he
ever expected.

DALTON TRUMBO
If we’re going to travel back in
time to that unholy coupling, I
have a medical obligation to drink.

And he heads for a small tray of glasses and scotch on the
bureau top, pouring himself three fingers.

CLEO
I saw this was not a man I could
have children with. He’d bully me,
them and we’d end up like every
miserable family since forever.
But I knew you’d never be like
that. Whatever went on out there,
the only thing that’d matter,
really matter, was us.

DALTON TRUMBO
All that matters is us --

CLEO
No, not anymore, you have no idea
what you could lose --

DALTON TRUMBO
My career, the first amendment, the
country? Am I missing anything?



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 96.
CONTINUED: (2)

CLEO
Us, you’re losing us. Since
prison, you don’t talk or ask, just
snap and bark -- I keep waiting for
you to start pounding the dinner
table with a gavel --

DALTON TRUMBO
So in addition to being a pariah
out in the world, I now have the
supreme joy of battling
insurrection --

CLEO
-- please, “insurrection” --

DALTON TRUMBO
-- in my own home, where these ten
fingers literally feed, clothe and
shelter us --

CLEO
This isn’t just happening to you. We
all hurt! Niki, me, your friends --

DALTON TRUMBO
Friends, what friends? Who the
hell has the luxury of “friends”?
I’ve got allies and enemies,
there’s no room for anything else!

CLEO
(quietly)
We know. Believe me.

DALTON TRUMBO
Good, then this discussion ends.

CLEO
This isn’t a discussion, it’s a
fight. And this ends it: I will
not let our children be raised by a
bully -- any bully.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In the master bedroom of the Trumbo Highland Park house, Dalton Trumbo finds Cleo sitting by the window, where she expresses her worries about his emotional distance and aggressive behavior since his imprisonment. Trumbo deflects her concerns with sarcasm, insisting his struggles are political rather than personal. Cleo counters that their family is suffering due to his attitude and firmly states she won't allow their children to be raised by a bully. The conversation escalates into a heated argument, highlighting the unresolved conflict between Trumbo's external battles and the impact on their family.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Intense dialogue
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution
  • Limited external action

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional depth and complexity of the characters, providing insight into their inner struggles and the dynamics of their relationships. The dialogue is intense and thought-provoking, adding layers to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the strained relationship between Trumbo and Cleo, as well as Trumbo's internal conflict, is compelling and adds depth to the narrative. The scene effectively conveys the emotional complexity of the characters.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene focuses on the emotional conflict between Trumbo and Cleo, advancing the character development and highlighting the internal struggles of the protagonist. The tension and emotional stakes are heightened.

Originality: 8

The scene introduces fresh perspectives on themes of family, power, and identity, with authentic character actions and dialogue that feel true to the time period and setting.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with Trumbo and Cleo displaying depth and complexity in their interactions. Their emotional turmoil and conflicting perspectives add layers to the scene, making the characters compelling and relatable.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases a significant shift in the dynamics between Trumbo and Cleo, highlighting their emotional turmoil and the impact of their confrontation. Trumbo's internal conflict also undergoes development, adding depth to his character arc.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal in this scene is to defend his actions and choices, particularly in relation to his family and career. This reflects his deeper need for validation, control, and security.

External Goal: 7

Trumbo's external goal in this scene is to maintain his authority and reputation in the face of challenges from Cleo. This reflects the immediate circumstances of their strained relationship and the societal pressures he faces as a public figure.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is palpable, stemming from the emotional tension between Trumbo and Cleo. Their differing perspectives and unresolved issues create a compelling dynamic that drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, values, and emotions that create obstacles for the characters to overcome.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the emotional turmoil between Trumbo and Cleo threatens to unravel their relationship and impact their family dynamics. The resolution of their conflict carries significant consequences for the characters.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the emotional conflict between the characters and advancing the narrative arc. The resolution of the confrontation between Trumbo and Cleo sets the stage for further character development and plot progression.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, unexpected revelations, and unresolved conflicts that keep the audience guessing.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict evident in this scene is the clash between personal integrity and public image, as well as the balance between individual desires and societal expectations. This challenges Trumbo's beliefs about power, influence, and responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of tension, frustration, and regret. The intense exchanges between Trumbo and Cleo, as well as Trumbo's internal turmoil, resonate with the audience and create a sense of empathy.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is intense and impactful, revealing the emotional depth of the characters and driving the conflict forward. The exchanges between Trumbo and Cleo are poignant and reflective, adding depth to their relationship.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the high stakes, emotional intensity, and dynamic character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and emotional beats that keep the audience engaged.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting of the scene adheres to industry standards for screenplay format, making it easy to read and visualize.

Structure: 9

The structure of the scene follows a traditional format for dramatic dialogue scenes, with clear character motivations, conflicts, and resolutions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Trumbo and Cleo, showcasing their emotional struggles and the impact of Trumbo's imprisonment on their family dynamics. However, the dialogue can feel a bit on-the-nose at times, particularly when Trumbo lists what he believes matters (his career, the First Amendment, etc.). This could be more subtly woven into the conversation to avoid feeling like a checklist of his priorities.
  • Cleo's revelation about her first husband is a powerful moment that adds depth to her character and highlights her motivations. However, the transition into this revelation feels abrupt. A smoother lead-in could enhance the emotional weight of her confession and make it feel less like a plot device.
  • The pacing of the scene is somewhat uneven. The initial back-and-forth feels rushed, which may detract from the emotional stakes. Allowing for more pauses and reactions could heighten the tension and give the audience time to absorb the gravity of their conversation.
  • Trumbo's sarcastic humor, while characteristic, can sometimes undermine the seriousness of the moment. Balancing his wit with moments of genuine vulnerability could create a more nuanced portrayal of his character and make his struggles more relatable.
  • The scene ends on a strong note with Cleo's declaration about not allowing their children to be raised by a bully. However, it could benefit from a more definitive closing moment that encapsulates the emotional fallout of their argument, perhaps through a visual cue or a lingering shot that emphasizes the distance between them.
Suggestions
  • Consider revising the dialogue to make it feel more organic and less expository. Instead of Trumbo listing what matters to him, show his priorities through his actions and reactions during the conversation.
  • Enhance the transition into Cleo's backstory by incorporating a more gradual buildup, perhaps by having her reflect on a specific moment that led to her realization, rather than jumping straight into the revelation.
  • Slow down the pacing of the scene by incorporating more pauses and non-verbal reactions. This will allow the audience to feel the weight of the conversation and the emotional stakes involved.
  • Balance Trumbo's sarcasm with moments of sincerity. Allow him to express vulnerability, which will make his character more relatable and deepen the audience's connection to his struggles.
  • Add a visual element at the end of the scene that reinforces the emotional distance between Trumbo and Cleo, such as a lingering shot of Cleo's expression as she processes the argument or Trumbo's reaction as he realizes the impact of his words.



Scene 47 -  Confrontations and Commitments
INT. DINER - DOWNTOWN L.A. - NIGHT

Niki sits with THREE AFRICAN-AMERICAN TEENAGERS. Leaning
against the table, the handwritten signs from their protest.
All the kids chat animatedly, then stop... seeing a somber
Trumbo approach.
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 97.


EXT. DINER - DOWNTOWN L.A. - NIGHT

Trumbo exits with Niki. Then she stops.

NIKI
I didn’t want to fight in front of
my friends but --

DALTON TRUMBO
-- I‘m not here to fight --

NIKI
-- I’m not coming home.

She folds her arms and stands. He pauses, then speaks
carefully, quietly, almost hesitantly.

DALTON TRUMBO
Your mother is a quiet person.
(dry)
Normally.
(then)
The effect of which is... she can
actually make me hear myself... and
lately, it’s not a sound I like
much. Because what I hear mostly
is just... how afraid I am.

This is not what Niki expected. She softens, listening.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
Afraid this is scarring you, all of
you... and what if it’s all for
nothing? How do I live with that?
(then)
So I fight. It’s all I know how to
do anymore, just... rage... at
anyone in my way.
(looking tenderly at her)
But you’ve never been in my way,
Nikola, not once... and never could be.

Tears in her eyes now, she leans against him, allowing him to
put one arm across her shoulders and kiss her head.

NIKI
It’s crazy how mad you make me,
since all I ever wanted is to be
just like you...

DALTON TRUMBO
You are. Which I wouldn’t wish on
anybody.
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 98.


INT. KING BROTHERS - FRANK’S OFFICE - DAY

Frank sits at his desk -- across from Roy Brewer.

ROY BREWER
We know. Okay? It’s a small town
and the gossip’s always true.
(then)
Fire Dalton Trumbo and the rest of
’em or you got pickets, headlines
and boycotts. We will put you
right out of business.

FRANK KING
We...?

ROY BREWER
Motion Picture Alliance for the
Preservation of American Ideals.
Me, Ronald Reagan, Hedda Hopper,
the guilds, studio heads. John
Wayne.

FRANK KING
I love John Wayne.

ROY BREWER
I’ll introduce you. You guys could
do a movie together.

FRANK KING
That’d be great, only...

Frank King rises, holding a baseball bat.

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
...I don’t think you and me are
gonna be pals.

King swings viciously and SMASHES a lamp. Brewer covers up,
SCREAMS and goes for the door. Locked. Frank comes at him.

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
You gonna stop me hiring union?
I’ll go downtown, grab some winos
and hookers, there’s my next cast
’n’ crew! It doesn’t matter! I
make garbage!

He swings and SHATTERS a poster.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 99.
CONTINUED:

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
Wanna call me a pinko in all the
papers? Do it! Nobody who goes to
my movies can fuckin’ read!

Another tight swing and he BLASTS a second poster.

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
I’m in this for the money and the
pussy and they’re both fallin’ off
the trees. Take that away from me.

Frank jams the tip of the bat into Brewer’s throat.

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
Go ahead. I won’t “sue” you. But
this --
(the bat)
-- will be the last fuckin’ thing
you see when I beat you to fuckin’
death with it.

Brewer just stands, hyperventilating with terror. Frank TAPS
the door with the bat and it opens from the outside. Roy
Brewer bolts --

INT. KING BROTHERS - OUTER OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

-- tears across the room, passing Hymie and practically
tripping over a seated, startled Dalton Trumbo and --

-- Brewer glances at Trumbo, acknowledging the writer with
disbelief as he tumbles out the door.

FRANK KING
Fuck do you want?

DALTON TRUMBO
New script.

FRANK KING
Yeah?

DALTON TRUMBO
Family film, something I’ve been
mulling for a while. About a
Mexican boy and his pet bull.
(hands it to him)
One problem.

TIGHT ON the title page: The Brave One. By Robert Rich.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 100.
CONTINUED:

KING
Expensive?

DALTON TRUMBO
Worse. Good.
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a diner, Niki confronts Trumbo about her decision to stay away from home, expressing her desire to be like him. Trumbo shares his fears for her future, leading to a tender moment between them. The scene shifts to Frank King's office, where he aggressively confronts Roy Brewer about the pressure to fire Trumbo, culminating in a violent outburst. After scaring Brewer away, Frank turns to Trumbo, who presents a new script idea, signaling a return to focus on his work.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Strong character development
  • Tension-filled dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines personal drama with political tension, creating a compelling narrative that keeps the audience engaged.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring family conflict alongside political pressure is intriguing and adds layers to the characters. The scene effectively conveys the complexity of Trumbo's personal and professional life.

Plot: 8

The plot progression in the scene is driven by the emotional conflicts between Trumbo and Niki, as well as the external pressure from the industry. It moves the story forward while deepening the character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to exploring family dynamics and career challenges in a historical context. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotional arcs are compelling. The scene allows for significant growth and exploration of Trumbo and Niki's relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Both Trumbo and Niki undergo significant emotional changes in the scene, deepening their characters and relationships.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to reconcile with his daughter and express his fears and regrets to her. This reflects his deeper need for connection and understanding.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to convince Frank King to hire him for a new script. This reflects the immediate challenge of maintaining his career and reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict between Trumbo and Niki, as well as the external pressure from the industry, creates a high level of tension and emotional stakes.

Opposition: 9

The opposition in the scene is strong and unpredictable, creating a sense of danger and conflict that drives the narrative forward.

High Stakes: 8

The high stakes are evident in both the personal conflicts within the family and the external pressure from the industry, adding intensity to the scene.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by developing key relationships and conflicts, setting the stage for future events.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected emotional revelations and character interactions that challenge the audience's expectations.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between the protagonist's personal values and the external pressures of the industry. It challenges his beliefs about integrity and compromise.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene evokes strong emotions from the audience, particularly in the interactions between Trumbo and Niki. The raw and honest portrayal of their relationship adds to the emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and reveals the inner thoughts and conflicts of the characters effectively. It adds depth to the scene and enhances the emotional impact.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional intensity and character dynamics, drawing the audience into the protagonist's internal struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional stakes, enhancing the impact of key character moments.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows standard formatting conventions for its genre, with clear scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for character-driven drama, with clear character motivations and emotional arcs.


Critique
  • The emotional core of the scene is strong, showcasing a pivotal moment between Trumbo and Niki. The dialogue effectively conveys their complex relationship, with Trumbo's vulnerability contrasting with Niki's youthful defiance. However, the transition from the diner to the confrontation outside feels abrupt. A smoother transition could enhance the flow and maintain the emotional intensity.
  • Trumbo's admission of fear adds depth to his character, making him relatable. However, the dialogue could benefit from more specificity regarding what exactly he fears. This would help ground the audience in his emotional state and provide a clearer understanding of his motivations.
  • Niki's reaction to Trumbo's vulnerability is well-written, but her initial confrontation could be more impactful. Instead of simply stating she won't come home, she could express her feelings more vividly, perhaps by recalling a specific instance that illustrates her frustration with Trumbo's behavior. This would create a stronger emotional hook for the audience.
  • The scene's pacing is generally good, but the emotional beats could be more pronounced. For instance, after Trumbo's heartfelt admission, a moment of silence or a visual cue (like a close-up of Niki's face) could heighten the emotional stakes before she leans against him. This would allow the audience to fully absorb the weight of the moment.
  • The transition to the next scene feels somewhat jarring. While it effectively shifts the focus to Frank's office, it might benefit from a more gradual fade or a thematic link between the two scenes. This would help maintain the emotional resonance established in the diner.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief moment of silence or a visual cue after Trumbo's admission of fear to allow the audience to absorb the emotional weight of his words.
  • Enhance Niki's initial confrontation by incorporating a specific memory or instance that illustrates her frustration with Trumbo's behavior, making her feelings more relatable and impactful.
  • Smooth the transition from the diner to the exterior by including a line of dialogue or action that bridges the two locations, maintaining the emotional continuity.
  • Explore Trumbo's fears in more detail, perhaps by having him articulate specific concerns about the impact of their struggles on Niki and her friends, which would deepen the audience's understanding of his character.
  • Consider using a thematic link or visual motif to connect the emotional climax of the diner scene with the subsequent scene in Frank's office, reinforcing the narrative flow.



Scene 48 -  The Shadow of Robert Rich
INT. LOS ANGELES MOVIE THEATRE 3 - NIGHT

Fall, 1956. Hundreds of eyes drink in the vivid color:

UP ON THE SCREEN

The Brave One’s opening credits. Stirring MUSIC. Vibrant
Mexican imagery of a boy and his bull.

IN THE AUDIENCE

Amid a sea of clean-cut ’50s FAMILIES WITH KIDS and a FEW
YOUNG CALIFORNIA-CASUAL COUPLES we find:

THE FIVE TRUMBOS

Dalton, Cleo, Niki, Chris and Mitzi, munching popcorn, as:

UP ON THE SCREEN

The writing credits appear and we see:

Original Story by Robert Rich.

CLOSE ON DALTON TRUMBO’S FACE

And that writing credit is reflected in his glasses -- as if
tattooed across his eyes, marking him: Robert Rich.

CLEO

Looks down and adjusts the pleats of her dress until the
credit passes.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Trumbo, stone-frozen with shock, is on the phone:

DALTON TRUMBO
Who told you?
(beat)
What else did they say?

Cleo appears in the doorway. Sensing something.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
You, too. Goodbye, Frank.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 101.
CONTINUED:

He hangs up. Cleo is tense with dread.

CLEO
What?

DALTON TRUMBO
The Brave One was nominated for an
Academy Award.

INT. KING BROTHERS - FRANK’S OFFICE - NIGHT

FRANK KING
No, Hymie, this is nothing like
Roman Holiday.

Frank, Hymie and Trumbo are gathered.

FRANK KING (CONT’D)
Roman Holiday had a guy with a name
and a body they could give the
award to. There is no Robert Rich.
If it wins, who gets the thing?

HYMIE KING
Well, maybe it won’t. I mean, it’s
not that good.
(to Trumbo)
No offense.

DALTON TRUMBO
None taken.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Spring, 1957 and another Oscar telecast, on a slightly larger
black & white TV screen. Trumbo, Cleo, Chris, Niki, and
Mitzi are all assembled once again. Tense. Expectant.

ON TV - MOVIE STAR DEBORAH KERR

Sparkling with sexy sophistication (in actual footage of the
telecast) as she takes the card from the envelope --

DEBORAH KERR
The Brave One! Robert Rich!

INT. MOTION PICTURE ALLIANCE OFFICES - BULLPEN - DAY

An agitated Roy Brewer is pacing, on the phone:




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 102.
CONTINUED:

ROY BREWER
We’re looking into it, we can’t
find Mr. Rich anywhere, he
apparently doesn’t --
(beat)
No. Don’t print tha --

Suddenly, in the open doorway, a grimly hatted Hedda Hopper.

ROY BREWER (CONT’D)
(hanging up)
I gotta go.

HEDDA HOPPER
Who the hell is Robert Rich? And
it had better not be who they say.

EXT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - BACK PATIO - DAY

1958. A playful Trumbo holds court before FIVE JOURNALISTS.

JOURNALIST
Mr. Trumbo, are you Robert Rich?
Did you write The Brave One?

DALTON TRUMBO
My policy is, never claim credit
for any one movie. That way, it’s
possible I had something to do with
all of them. Except the stinkers,
all written by my enemies.

The Journalists all CHUCKLE and scribble, eating it up.

JOURNALIST
What’s your position on the
blacklist?

DALTON TRUMBO
Well, on it. Along with thousands
of others.

JOURNALIST
Are you using this Robert Rich
controversy to try and end it?

DALTON TRUMBO
The Brave One’s a nice little
movie. If rumors of my involvement
can sell a few tickets, then good.

He sees Niki exit the house and approach.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 103.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
And if the strange circumstances of
its authorship can get a few
questions asked, even better.

NIKI
(whispers)
Dad? Sorry, some crazy guy on the
phone says he’s Kirk Douglas.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In a Los Angeles movie theater in 1956, the Trumbo family watches the opening credits of 'The Brave One,' revealing the writing credit 'Original Story by Robert Rich,' which deeply affects Dalton Trumbo. At home, he receives a call about the film's Academy Award nomination, heightening the family's tension. In Frank King's office, discussions arise about the implications of the mysterious Robert Rich. The scene shifts to the 1957 Oscars, where 'The Brave One' wins, complicating matters further. As the narrative unfolds, Dalton uses humor to navigate the controversy surrounding Rich, while his daughter Niki interrupts with news of a call from Kirk Douglas, leaving the mystery unresolved.
Strengths
  • Engaging dialogue
  • Complex characters
  • Emotional depth
  • Revealing character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Some scenes may feel rushed
  • Limited exploration of secondary characters

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the tension and drama surrounding the revelation of the true author of 'The Brave One,' providing a reflective and playful moment amidst the turmoil. The dialogue and interactions between characters are engaging and reveal deeper layers of the story.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of exploring the controversy surrounding the authorship of a film during the Hollywood blacklist era is compelling and thought-provoking. It adds layers of complexity to the characters and the narrative, making the scene engaging and impactful.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the revelation of the true author of 'The Brave One,' leading to tension, conflict, and emotional moments. It moves the story forward by addressing key conflicts and character dynamics.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the Hollywood blacklist era, exploring the complexities of creativity, credit, and controversy in the film industry.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene, especially Dalton Trumbo and Cleo, are well-developed and showcase depth and complexity. Their interactions reveal their inner struggles, motivations, and relationships, adding richness to the narrative.

Character Changes: 8

The scene showcases subtle changes in the characters, especially in Dalton Trumbo and Cleo, as they confront the truth and grapple with their personal and political beliefs. These changes add depth to their arcs and relationships.

Internal Goal: 8

Dalton Trumbo's internal goal is to navigate the controversy surrounding his involvement in 'The Brave One' and the impact it has on his career and reputation.

External Goal: 7

Dalton Trumbo's external goal is to handle the situation with 'The Brave One' winning an Academy Award and the questions surrounding his involvement in the film.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene contains a high level of conflict, both internal and external, as characters grapple with the revelation of the true authorship of the film and the implications of the Hollywood blacklist era.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting interests and motivations driving the conflict and drama.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as the characters face the repercussions of the truth coming to light and the challenges of navigating the political and personal consequences of their actions.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about the authorship of the film and its impact on the characters. It sets the stage for further developments and conflicts in the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected twists and turns in the plot, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' motivations and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the idea of taking credit for one's work and the consequences of being associated with a controversial project.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene evokes a strong emotional response from the audience, particularly in moments of shock, tension, and reflection. The characters' vulnerabilities and struggles resonate, creating a poignant and impactful atmosphere.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue in the scene is engaging, reflective of the characters' emotions and conflicts. It effectively conveys the tension, drama, and personal stakes involved in the revelation of the writing credit.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of the tension, humor, and intrigue surrounding the characters and their actions.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic screenplay, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the narrative forward.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the emotional weight of Trumbo's situation, particularly the juxtaposition of his family's excitement at the movie premiere with his internal turmoil over the credit issue. This contrast is compelling and adds depth to Trumbo's character.
  • The use of visual elements, such as the reflection of the 'Robert Rich' credit in Trumbo's glasses, is a strong metaphor for his identity crisis and the impact of the blacklist on his life. This visual storytelling enhances the emotional resonance of the scene.
  • The pacing of the scene is well-structured, moving fluidly between the theater, Trumbo's home, and the office of Frank King. This keeps the audience engaged and allows for a dynamic exploration of the various reactions to the award nomination.
  • However, the dialogue in some parts feels a bit expository, particularly in the exchanges between Trumbo and Frank King. While it's important to convey the stakes, the dialogue could be more natural and less on-the-nose to maintain authenticity.
  • The transition from the excitement of the Oscar nomination to the tension surrounding the identity of Robert Rich could be more pronounced. The emotional stakes could be heightened by showing more of Trumbo's internal conflict rather than relying solely on dialogue.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment of silence or a close-up shot of Trumbo's face after the credit is revealed, allowing the audience to fully absorb his shock and the weight of the moment before moving on to the next scene.
  • Revise the dialogue between Trumbo and Frank King to make it feel more organic. Instead of directly stating the implications of the award, allow their conversation to unfold more naturally, perhaps through subtext or indirect references.
  • Incorporate more physical reactions from Trumbo and his family during the Oscar telecast. This could include close-ups of their expressions, body language, or even small gestures that convey their emotional states without needing explicit dialogue.
  • Explore the use of sound design during the Oscar announcement. The stirring music could fade out as the announcement is made, emphasizing the gravity of the moment and Trumbo's reaction.
  • Consider adding a brief flashback or memory sequence that illustrates Trumbo's past experiences with awards or recognition, providing context for his current feelings about the nomination and the credit issue.



Scene 49 -  A Script for Spartacus
INT./EXT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - NIGHT

Opened by Niki, revealing a tan, grinning, dimple-chinned --

KIRK DOUGLAS
Niki?
(holds out his hand to the
stunned teen)
Kirk.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - NIGHT

Trumbo settles into a chair across from Douglas.

DALTON TRUMBO
Apologies. We’ve had more than our
share of crank calls lately.

KIRK DOUGLAS
I can’t imagine.

DALTON TRUMBO
So.

KIRK DOUGLAS
So. I’m doing a new picture. And
I just got the script.

From a valise he hefts a document the size of a phone book.

DALTON TRUMBO
That’s about seven hours of
entertainment here.

KIRK DOUGLAS
And not a single page is
entertaining. But there’s a good
story in there, somewhere. About
one man...
(a knowing smile)
...who tried to take on the whole
world.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 104.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO
You’ve got me so far.

KIRK DOUGLAS
He was a slave who led a revolt
against the Roman Empire...

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY

On a nearby stool, we glimpse a water-dappled script cover:

SPARTACUS

Screenplay by Sam Jackson

Trumbo is in the tub, writing and talking on the phone:

DALTON TRUMBO
...no, I can’t tell you what I’m
working on now except to say, the
blacklist is alive and well and so
is the black market.
(beat)
Yes, you can quote me. Seeing my
name in the paper drives certain
people out of their minds...
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Niki opens the door to Kirk Douglas, who introduces himself warmly. Inside, Douglas and Dalton Trumbo discuss a new film project, with Douglas humorously critiquing a lengthy script while hinting at its compelling story about Spartacus. The scene shifts to Trumbo in the bathroom, where he candidly addresses the challenges of the Hollywood blacklist over the phone, highlighting the ongoing struggles he faces as a screenwriter.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Compelling dialogue
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Limited action
  • Heavy reliance on dialogue

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil and conflict faced by the protagonist, Dalton Trumbo, as he navigates the challenges of his career and personal life. The dialogue is engaging, and the tension between characters adds depth to the narrative.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around the themes of artistic integrity, personal sacrifice, and the impact of external pressures on creative work. These themes are explored through the interactions between characters and the unfolding of the plot.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene is driven by the conflict between Trumbo's artistic ideals and the demands of the industry. It moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of the protagonist's internal struggles and setting up future conflicts.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era, blending historical events with fictionalized dialogue and interactions.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters in the scene are well-developed and complex, with each having distinct motivations and personalities. The interactions between Trumbo and Kirk Douglas reveal their contrasting perspectives and add depth to their relationship.

Character Changes: 8

Trumbo undergoes a significant emotional transformation in the scene, grappling with his principles and the demands of the industry. His interactions with Kirk Douglas and the revelations about his past experiences contribute to his character development.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to find a way to navigate the challenges of the Hollywood blacklist while maintaining his integrity and creativity as a writer.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to collaborate with Kirk Douglas on a new film project and navigate the complexities of the Hollywood industry.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The scene has a high level of conflict, both internal (Trumbo's struggle with compromising his principles) and external (the pressure from the industry and personal relationships). This conflict drives the narrative forward and adds tension to the scene.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene comes from the external pressures of the Hollywood blacklist and the protagonist's internal struggle to maintain his artistic integrity.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene, as Trumbo faces critical decisions that could impact his career, relationships, and personal integrity. The outcome of his choices will have significant consequences for his future.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by deepening the audience's understanding of Trumbo's internal struggles and setting up future conflicts and plot developments. It advances the narrative by introducing key themes and character dynamics.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is unpredictable in its blend of humor and drama, keeping the audience guessing about the characters' motivations and actions.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict revolves around the protagonist's commitment to his principles and artistic vision in the face of external pressures and political censorship.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, eliciting feelings of empathy for Trumbo's internal turmoil and the challenges he faces. The interactions between characters evoke a range of emotions, from frustration to reflection.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp and impactful, effectively conveying the characters' emotions and conflicts. The exchanges between Trumbo and Douglas are particularly engaging, showcasing their differing viewpoints and underlying tensions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to the dynamic dialogue, historical context, and character dynamics that draw the audience into the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-balanced, allowing for character development and dialogue exchanges that drive the narrative forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, making it easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional screenplay format, with clear scene transitions and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and excitement of Kirk Douglas's arrival, but it could benefit from more visual detail to enhance the atmosphere. For instance, describing the setting more vividly—such as the lighting, the decor of the Trumbo house, or Niki's reaction—could help ground the audience in the moment.
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Douglas is engaging, but it feels somewhat expository. While it's important to convey the significance of the script, consider weaving in more subtext or conflict to elevate the stakes. For example, Douglas could express doubts about Trumbo's ability to deliver, hinting at the pressures of the blacklist.
  • The transition from the study to the bathroom is abrupt and could be smoother. Instead of cutting directly to Trumbo in the tub, consider using a visual or auditory cue that connects the two locations, such as a sound from the bathroom that draws Trumbo's attention.
  • Trumbo's line about the blacklist being 'alive and well' is powerful, but it could be more impactful if it were tied to a specific emotional moment or memory. This would deepen the audience's understanding of Trumbo's character and the weight of his situation.
  • The humor in Douglas's comment about the script lacking entertainment value is a nice touch, but it could be enhanced by showing Trumbo's reaction more vividly. Does he laugh, smirk, or roll his eyes? This would add depth to their dynamic and provide insight into Trumbo's character.
Suggestions
  • Add more sensory details to the setting to create a stronger sense of place and mood. Describe the lighting, sounds, or even the smell of the house to immerse the audience in the scene.
  • Incorporate subtext into the dialogue to create tension. For example, Douglas could express skepticism about the project or Trumbo's involvement, hinting at the challenges they both face in the industry.
  • Smooth the transition between the study and the bathroom by using a visual or auditory cue that connects the two spaces, making the shift feel more organic.
  • Deepen Trumbo's emotional response to the blacklist by tying his dialogue to a specific memory or feeling, allowing the audience to connect more with his character.
  • Enhance the humor in the scene by showing Trumbo's reaction to Douglas's comments more vividly, which would help to establish their rapport and add layers to their interaction.



Scene 50 -  Confrontation at Perino's
INT. PERINO’S RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Hedda Hopper and Kirk Douglas greet with a kiss.

HEDDA HOPPER
Kirk, I’d like you to meet a friend
of mine, Bob Stripling...

HUAC Investigator Robert Stripling shakes Douglas’ hand.

HEDDA HOPPER (CONT’D)
...House Un-American Activities
Committee. Drink?

KIRK DOUGLAS
No, thanks. You said it was
important...

HEDDA HOPPER
Only if you hired Dalton Trumbo.

KIRK DOUGLAS
Who I hire is my business.

STRIPLING
No, Mr. Douglas. It’s ours.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 105.
CONTINUED:

KIRK DOUGLAS
Why?

STRIPLING
We have to keep this country safe.

KIRK DOUGLAS
And how’re you doing that?

STRIPLING
Why don’t I show you by putting you
on the stand?

KIRK DOUGLAS
Hedda, is your friend trying to
scare me?

HEDDA HOPPER
He’s trying to tell you the way
things are.

KIRK DOUGLAS
Maybe I don’t like the way things
are.

HEDDA HOPPER
We’ve known each other a long time,
Kirk.

KIRK DOUGLAS
We have.

HEDDA HOPPER
When did you become such a bastard?

KIRK DOUGLAS
(rises)
Oh, I was always a bastard. You
just never noticed.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary At Perino's Restaurant, Hedda Hopper introduces Kirk Douglas to HUAC investigator Robert Stripling, leading to a tense exchange over Douglas's hiring of Dalton Trumbo. Douglas defends his independence against Stripling's intimidation, revealing deeper conflicts in their relationship. Despite Hedda's attempts to mediate, Douglas's frustration with political pressures escalates, culminating in his admission of past mistakes. The scene ends with Douglas standing up, signaling his refusal to comply with Stripling's demands.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Lack of resolution in the scene

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, with strong dialogue and intense conflict driving the narrative forward. The tension between the characters is palpable, creating a compelling and engaging moment in the story.


Story Content

Concept: 8.5

The concept of the scene revolves around the clash of ideologies and personal agendas during the Hollywood blacklist era, effectively capturing the political and social tensions of the time.

Plot: 8

The plot is advanced through the confrontation, revealing the complex relationships and power struggles within the Hollywood industry during a tumultuous period.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh take on the Red Scare era, delving into the personal struggles of a Hollywood figure facing political scrutiny. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their motivations are clear, driving the conflict and adding depth to the scene. Each character's personality shines through in their interactions.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo subtle shifts in their dynamics and beliefs during the confrontation, revealing new facets of their personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to assert his independence and integrity in the face of political pressure. This reflects his deeper need for autonomy and moral conviction.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to resist being intimidated by the investigator and maintain control over his own decisions.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and multi-layered, with personal, political, and ethical tensions coming to a head, creating a gripping and engaging moment.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the investigator challenging the protagonist's beliefs and values, creating a compelling conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, as personal reputations, political allegiances, and moral integrity are all on the line, adding urgency and tension to the confrontation.

Story Forward: 9

The scene propels the story forward by introducing new conflicts, deepening character relationships, and setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics and moral ambiguity, keeping the audience on edge.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict is between individual freedom and government control. The protagonist's belief in personal autonomy clashes with the investigator's justification for state intervention.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension to defiance, adding depth to the characters and their relationships.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is sharp, impactful, and drives the conflict forward, showcasing the characters' conflicting beliefs and agendas effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, emotional conflict, and dynamic character interactions.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, drawing the audience into the characters' emotional turmoil.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard screenplay formatting, making it easy to follow and visualize.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dramatic confrontation, building tension through dialogue and character dynamics.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes tension between Kirk Douglas and Robert Stripling, highlighting the conflict between personal choice and political pressure. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to deepen the stakes. For instance, while Douglas's defiance is clear, the motivations behind Stripling's insistence could be more nuanced, perhaps hinting at his own fears or insecurities about the HUAC's actions.
  • Hedda Hopper's role as a mediator feels somewhat passive in this scene. While she introduces the characters, her influence on the conversation could be more pronounced. Consider giving her a more active role in the dialogue, perhaps by challenging Stripling or supporting Douglas more forcefully, which would enhance her character's complexity.
  • The pacing of the scene is brisk, which is effective for maintaining tension, but it may sacrifice character development. A moment of silence or a beat after a particularly charged line could allow the audience to absorb the weight of the conversation. For example, after Douglas's line about not liking the way things are, a pause could emphasize his defiance and the gravity of the situation.
  • The humor in Douglas's response to Hopper about being a 'bastard' is a nice touch, but it feels slightly out of place given the serious context of the conversation. Balancing humor with the gravity of the political implications could enhance the scene's overall tone. Consider integrating humor that reflects the absurdity of the situation rather than personal jabs.
  • The visual elements of the scene are not fully utilized. Describing the restaurant's ambiance, the reactions of other patrons, or the physicality of the characters could add depth to the scene. For instance, how does the tension affect the atmosphere in the restaurant? Are other diners watching? This could heighten the stakes and make the confrontation feel more public and consequential.
Suggestions
  • Add more subtext to the dialogue, particularly in Stripling's responses, to reveal his motivations and fears regarding the HUAC's actions.
  • Enhance Hedda Hopper's role by giving her more agency in the conversation, perhaps by challenging Stripling or supporting Douglas more actively.
  • Incorporate pauses or beats after key lines to allow the audience to absorb the tension and emotional weight of the conversation.
  • Adjust the humor in Douglas's dialogue to better fit the serious context, perhaps by focusing on the absurdity of the political situation rather than personal insults.
  • Utilize visual descriptions to enhance the setting and atmosphere of the restaurant, emphasizing how the tension affects the environment and the reactions of other patrons.



Scene 51 -  A Visit from Otto Preminger
EXT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - DAY

A lustrous black Rolls Royce passes Trumbo’s t-shirted
Neighbor in his driveway, working on a Ford, staring in mute
disbelief as --

The spectacularly out of place Rolls parks in Trumbo’s drive,
a CHAUFFEUR exits, opens the back door and --

A BALD MAN in Saville Row tailoring emerges. He views this
scrubby neighborhood as he does the world: with utter
superiority.
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 106.


INT./EXT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - DAY

The bell ECHOES, Cleo opens the door and --

THE BALD MAN
(in a clipped Austro-
Hungarian accent)
I wish to see the man who wrote
this.

He holds up a copy of the screenplay Spartacus.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Trumbo, in pajamas and robe, sits with a COCKATIEL. The Bald
Man stands, wielding the rolled-up Spartacus script like a
cudgel.

THE BALD MAN
I am Otto Preminger.

Beat. Trumbo rubs his tired eyes.

OTTO PREMINGER
(annoyed)
The director.

DALTON TRUMBO
No, I know who you are, I just
finished work a few hours ago.

OTTO PREMINGER
(the script)
A copy of which I have read.

DALTON TRUMBO
I sent it in this morning, how -- ?

OTTO PREMINGER
I am Otto Preminger. The director.

DALTON TRUMBO
Is it too early for a drink?

OTTO PREMINGER
Never.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - DAY

Trumbo, still in his robe, mixes drinks. Preminger studies a
strange contraption:




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 107.
CONTINUED:

A homemade aviary of chicken wire, built out from an open
window onto the lawn. In it, a new bird with a slightly bent
wing hops about, pecking at water.

DALTON TRUMBO
My youngest believes I can end the
suffering of all broken birds.

OTTO PREMINGER
As can I. With a broiler.
(accepts his drink)
Are your duties completed for Mr.
Kirk Douglas?

DALTON TRUMBO
I’ve got two weeks for Christmas...

OTTO PREMINGER
During which time you will work
with me.

DALTON TRUMBO
Will I.

OTTO PREMINGER
If you are as intelligent as your
writing... and as greedy as your
reputation.
(then)
It is an adaptation of the novel
Exodus. You’ve read it?

DALTON TRUMBO
No.

OTTO PREMINGER
A colossal best-seller. Very
nearly a perfect piece of shit.
But --

DALTON TRUMBO
-- there’s a good story in there,
somewhere.

OTTO PREMINGER
Actually, I have no idea. But I
have Paul Newman.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a stark contrast of opulence and modesty, Otto Preminger arrives at Dalton Trumbo's home in a black Rolls Royce, demanding to discuss Trumbo's screenplay 'Spartacus.' Trumbo, surprised and in pajamas, engages in a witty exchange with the assertive Preminger, who proposes a collaboration on adapting 'Exodus.' The scene is filled with humor and tension as Trumbo navigates Preminger's demands, ultimately left contemplating the offer, especially with the mention of Paul Newman.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character development
  • Tension building
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Lack of external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively combines tension, humor, and reflection to create a compelling interaction between Dalton Trumbo and Otto Preminger. The dialogue is sharp, the characters are well-developed, and the setting adds depth to the scene.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of having a prestigious director visit Trumbo to discuss a new project is intriguing and adds depth to the narrative. The scene explores themes of ambition, collaboration, and artistic integrity.

Plot: 8.5

The plot of the scene revolves around the unexpected visit from Otto Preminger and the discussion of a new film project, which drives the story forward and sets up future conflicts and developments. The scene is pivotal in advancing the narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the Hollywood industry, blending elements of humor, drama, and social commentary. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Dalton Trumbo and Otto Preminger are well-developed and their interactions reveal insights into their personalities, motivations, and conflicts. The scene effectively showcases their dynamic and sets up future character arcs.

Character Changes: 7

Trumbo experiences a subtle shift in perspective and motivation during the scene, as he grapples with the opportunity presented by Preminger and confronts his own fears and ambitions. The interaction with the director prompts introspection and sets the stage for character growth.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his composure and professionalism in the face of unexpected and potentially intimidating circumstances. This reflects his desire to protect his reputation and continue working in the industry despite challenges.

External Goal: 7

Trumbo's external goal in this scene is to impress Otto Preminger and secure a new job opportunity. This reflects his immediate need for work and financial stability.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

The conflict in the scene is primarily internal, as Trumbo navigates the opportunity presented by Preminger and grapples with his own ambitions and fears. The tension between the characters adds depth to the scene and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics between Trumbo and Preminger. The audience is unsure of how the interaction will unfold.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in the scene as Trumbo grapples with a new film project, the expectations of a prestigious director, and the challenges of the film industry. The outcome of his interaction with Preminger could have significant consequences for his career and personal life.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by introducing a new character, setting up a new plotline, and establishing conflicts and motivations for future events. The interaction between Trumbo and Preminger propels the narrative and sets the stage for upcoming developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable due to the unexpected arrival of Otto Preminger and the dynamic between him and Trumbo. The audience is unsure of how the meeting will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between artistic integrity and commercial success. Preminger's dismissive attitude towards the novel 'Exodus' and focus on star power highlights the clash between artistic vision and marketability.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, as it delves into Trumbo's personal and professional struggles, revealing his vulnerabilities and fears. The interaction with Preminger adds depth to his character and sets up emotional stakes for future events.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and reflective of the characters' personalities. The banter between Trumbo and Preminger adds depth to their relationship and keeps the audience engaged.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its sharp dialogue, contrasting character dynamics, and underlying tension. The interactions between Trumbo and Preminger keep the audience invested in the story.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue-driven moments and character interactions. The rhythm of the scene keeps the audience engaged and invested.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a clear structure with well-defined beats and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm contribute to the effectiveness of the scene.


Critique
  • The scene effectively establishes the contrast between Trumbo's humble surroundings and Preminger's ostentatious arrival, which highlights the disparity in their social status. However, the initial description of the Rolls Royce and the neighbor's reaction could be more vivid to enhance the visual impact and set the tone for the encounter.
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Preminger is sharp and witty, showcasing their personalities well. However, the pacing feels slightly uneven, particularly in the transition from the doorbell to the introduction of Preminger. A more fluid exchange could enhance the comedic timing and build anticipation for the meeting.
  • Trumbo's casual demeanor in pajamas and robe juxtaposed with Preminger's formal attire is a strong visual element, but it could be emphasized further. Consider adding a line or action that highlights Trumbo's disheveled state in contrast to Preminger's polished appearance, reinforcing the theme of class disparity.
  • The introduction of the cockatiel and the homemade aviary adds a layer of character to Trumbo, suggesting his nurturing side. However, the connection between the broken bird and Trumbo's situation could be made more explicit to deepen the thematic resonance. This could be achieved through a brief reflection from Trumbo on his own struggles.
  • Preminger's character comes across as arrogant and dismissive, which is effective. However, adding a moment of vulnerability or a hint of insecurity could make him more relatable and complex, rather than a one-dimensional antagonist. This would create a more engaging dynamic between the two characters.
Suggestions
  • Enhance the visual description of the Rolls Royce and the neighbor's reaction to create a stronger opening image that sets the tone for the scene.
  • Refine the dialogue to improve pacing and comedic timing, ensuring that the exchanges feel natural and fluid.
  • Emphasize the contrast between Trumbo's casual attire and Preminger's formal appearance through additional descriptive lines or actions.
  • Make the thematic connection between the broken bird and Trumbo's struggles more explicit, possibly through a reflective line from Trumbo.
  • Consider adding depth to Preminger's character by incorporating a moment of vulnerability or insecurity to create a more nuanced interaction with Trumbo.



Scene 52 -  Christmas Critique
INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - CLEO’S DARK ROOM - NIGHT

Cleo checks contact sheets as Trumbo fiddles with his
cigarette holder, studying Preminger on their hall phone.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 108.
CONTINUED:

CLEO
You’re doing it?

Trumbo has a small, secret smile on his lips.

DALTON TRUMBO
I think it’s the only way to get
him to leave.

CLEO
I know that smile.

DALTON TRUMBO
(faux innocence)
Why, what ever do you mean?

CLEO
Poor Mr. Preminger... thinks he’s
the cat and you’re the mouse...

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Christmas morning, 1958. Under a glittering tree, Cleo,
Niki, 20, Mitzi, 13, and Chris, 18, all unwrap presents at
the tree, LAUGH and CHATTER. Trumbo sips coffee, digging
into his stocking.

Otto Preminger looms in the doorway, glancing at his watch.

OTTO PREMINGER
Christmas? Is over.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - HALL - DAY

Trumbo walks Preminger to his study.

DALTON TRUMBO
Did you read my new scenes?

OTTO PREMINGER
Dreadful. Keep up this level of
work, I will see to it your name is
on my movie. To take the blame.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - DAY

Trumbo sits, making notes on typewritten script pages.
Preminger paces as he reads a new, clean script copy. He
stops reading. He lowers the pages. He looks out the
window. Trumbo studies him.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 109.
CONTINUED:

OTTO PREMINGER
Better. Yes. But. There’s no
other way to say it. It simply...
lacks genius.

Trumbo takes this in, amused and sanguine.

DALTON TRUMBO
Otto. If every scene is brilliant,
your movie will be utterly
monotonous.

Preminger takes this in with a thoughtful pause.

OTTO PREMINGER
I tell you what.
(hands the pages back to
Trumbo)
You write every scene brilliantly.
And I will direct unevenly.

Though amused, Trumbo starts to object when Mitzi enters --
with Kirk Douglas. Douglas is surprised Trumbo’s not alone.

OTTO PREMINGER (CONT’D)
Kirk.

KIRK DOUGLAS
Otto. How are you?

The two shake hands.

OTTO PREMINGER
I’m very well.

KIRK DOUGLAS
I, uh, don’t mean to interrupt --

DALTON TRUMBO
Not at all, you’ll excuse us, Otto?
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In a blend of holiday cheer and professional tension, Dalton Trumbo engages in a witty debate with Otto Preminger over the nature of brilliance in filmmaking during Christmas morning in 1958. While Trumbo's family enjoys unwrapping presents, Preminger harshly critiques Trumbo's script, prompting a humorous exchange that showcases Trumbo's confidence. The scene culminates with the unexpected arrival of Kirk Douglas, shifting the dynamic between the two men.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Character dynamics
  • Humor
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Focused on a single interaction

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively balances tension, humor, and character dynamics, providing insight into Trumbo's negotiation skills and Preminger's expectations. The dialogue is engaging, and the interaction between the characters is well-crafted.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of the scene revolves around a negotiation between Trumbo and Preminger, showcasing their differing perspectives and approaches. The use of humor and tension adds depth to the interaction.

Plot: 7.5

While the plot progression is limited to the negotiation between Trumbo and Preminger, it serves as a pivotal moment in Trumbo's career and relationships. The scene sets the stage for future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh take on the Hollywood industry and the struggles of creative professionals. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and engaging.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters of Trumbo and Preminger are well-developed, with distinct personalities and motivations. Their interactions reveal layers of complexity and provide insight into their dynamics.

Character Changes: 8

While there are subtle shifts in Trumbo's demeanor and negotiation tactics, the scene primarily focuses on establishing his relationship with Preminger. The characters maintain their core traits throughout the interaction.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal in this scene is to maintain his creative integrity while navigating the demands of a powerful director like Otto Preminger. This reflects his deeper need for recognition and respect as a writer.

External Goal: 7

Trumbo's external goal is to impress Otto Preminger with his script revisions in order to secure his name on the movie credits.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7.5

The conflict in the scene is primarily driven by the differing expectations and demands of Trumbo and Preminger. The tension adds depth to their negotiation and highlights their contrasting approaches.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals and power dynamics between Trumbo, Preminger, and Douglas.

High Stakes: 7

The stakes in the scene are moderate, revolving around Trumbo's opportunity to work with Preminger and the potential impact on his career. The negotiation carries implications for Trumbo's creative freedom and reputation.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by introducing the collaboration between Trumbo and Preminger, setting the stage for future developments in Trumbo's career. It establishes a key relationship that will impact the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

The scene is somewhat predictable in terms of character motivations and outcomes, but the sharp dialogue keeps the audience engaged.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene is between artistic integrity and commercial success. Trumbo values the quality of his work, while Preminger prioritizes the marketability of the film.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The scene elicits a moderate emotional impact through the nuanced interactions between Trumbo and Preminger. The tension and humor create a compelling dynamic that engages the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in the scene is sharp, witty, and reflective of the characters' personalities. It drives the interaction forward and adds depth to the negotiation between Trumbo and Preminger.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its sharp dialogue, dynamic character relationships, and underlying tension.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience invested in the characters' interactions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to industry standards, making it easy to follow and visualize the interactions between characters.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-heavy interaction between characters, effectively building tension and conflict.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Trumbo and Preminger, showcasing their dynamic relationship. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the stakes of their interaction. While Trumbo's humor is present, it sometimes feels too light given the serious context of their collaboration amidst the blacklist.
  • Cleo's presence in the dark room adds a layer of intimacy and domesticity, but her dialogue could be more impactful. Instead of merely commenting on Trumbo's smile, she could express deeper concern or insight into the implications of his actions, which would heighten the emotional stakes.
  • The transition from the dark room to the Christmas morning scene is a bit abrupt. A smoother transition could help maintain the flow of the narrative and emphasize the contrast between the festive family atmosphere and the tension of the professional world.
  • Preminger's character comes off as somewhat one-dimensional in this scene. While he is assertive, adding more layers to his motivations or insecurities could create a more compelling antagonist. This would also provide Trumbo with a more substantial challenge to navigate.
  • The humor in Trumbo's retort about monotony is clever, but it could be enhanced by a more vivid description of his expression or body language. This would help convey his amusement more effectively and allow the audience to connect with his character on a deeper level.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Cleo expresses her worries about Trumbo's dealings with Preminger, which would deepen her character and the emotional stakes of the scene.
  • Introduce a brief flashback or memory that highlights the significance of Christmas for the Trumbo family, contrasting it with the pressures of the film industry. This could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • Explore Preminger's character further by incorporating a line or two that hints at his own vulnerabilities or frustrations with the industry, making him a more complex figure in Trumbo's life.
  • Use more descriptive language to convey the atmosphere of the dark room and the Christmas morning scene, allowing the audience to feel the juxtaposition of Trumbo's personal and professional life.
  • Consider ending the scene with a stronger emotional beat, perhaps a moment of reflection from Trumbo after Preminger leaves, to emphasize the weight of his choices and the ongoing challenges he faces.



Scene 53 -  Hollywood Tensions
INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY

Trumbo and Douglas -- able to glimpse Preminger through the
open study doorway.

KIRK DOUGLAS
I sort of feel like I walked in on
my wife. Do you love him?

DALTON TRUMBO
It’s far more lurid than that.
He’s paying for my services.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 110.
CONTINUED:

KIRK DOUGLAS
So am I.

DALTON TRUMBO
And you’ll have me again, January
second, as promised.

KIRK DOUGLAS
I just need you a few days on some
the new scenes.

DALTON TRUMBO
Not till the second...

KIRK DOUGLAS
I wouldn’t ask but I’ve never had a
director who’s a bigger pain in my
ass than Stanley Kubrick. Worst
part is, he’s right.

DALTON TRUMBO
And I wouldn’t refuse, but...
(he hesitates)
This has to stay between us.

KIRK DOUGLAS
Of course.

DALTON TRUMBO
Preminger has indicated... well,
what he said was, “Keep up this
level of work and I will see to it
your name is on my movie.“

Douglas isn’t so much surprised as slightly irritated.

KIRK DOUGLAS
Really.

DALTON TRUMBO
His exact words.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - DAY

Preminger and Trumbo watch Douglas getting into his car
outside.

OTTO PREMINGER
I suppose he wants you back?




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 111.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO
(reading script pages)
Hm? No. Just came by to talk
about, ah, screen credit.

OTTO PREMINGER
On Spartacus?

DALTON TRUMBO
I shouldn’t have said anything.
You understand.

INT. UNIVERSAL PICTURES SOUNDSTAGE - SPARTACUS SET - DAY

With a piece of the slave gladiator training compound in the
background, SLAVE EXTRAS sip coffee and gossip with ROMAN
SOLDIER EXTRAS.

CREW MEMBERS adjust lights and tweak wardrobe. In a dark
corner, Kirk Douglas, in costume as the rebel gladiator,
confers with the boxy, no-nonsense head of Universal, ED
MUHL.

ED MUHL
Hedda Hopper says the American
Legion is going to boycott us
unless you fire Trumbo.

KIRK DOUGLAS
Ed, he’s not done with the script,
his name’ll never be on the thing,
what’s anybody boycotting?

ED MUHL
Twenty-million Americans are saying
loud and clear they will never buy
a ticket to our movie unless you
fire one writer.

Muhl hands Douglas a sheet of typewritten paper.

ED MUHL (CONT’D)
Here’s fifty. Pick one.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In this scene, Kirk Douglas visits Dalton Trumbo in his living room to express frustration with director Stanley Kubrick and seek Trumbo's help with script revisions ahead of schedule. Trumbo reveals that Otto Preminger has promised him screen credit, which irritates Douglas. As they discuss the complexities of Hollywood politics, Preminger observes their interaction, highlighting the tension between Douglas's needs and industry pressures. The scene concludes with a shift to the Spartacus set, where Douglas faces the threat of a boycott unless Trumbo is dismissed.
Strengths
  • Sharp dialogue
  • Tension in negotiation
  • Character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Limited emotional impact
  • Lack of character development

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted with a good balance of tension, seriousness, and humor. It effectively conveys the negotiation process and the stakes involved.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of negotiating screen credit in the film industry is engaging and adds depth to the characters' relationships and the plot.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses as the negotiation unfolds, revealing the characters' intentions and setting up future developments.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era, exploring the personal and professional challenges faced by a talented screenwriter caught in the crossfire of political and industry pressures. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed, with distinct personalities and clear objectives in the negotiation scene.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the negotiation process reveals more about the characters' personalities and motivations.

Internal Goal: 8

Trumbo's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the delicate balance between his loyalty to different directors and his own career aspirations. He grapples with the ethical implications of his work and the compromises he must make to succeed in a hostile industry.

External Goal: 7.5

Trumbo's external goal is to secure screen credit for his work on the movie 'Spartacus' despite the political pressures and threats of boycotts. He must navigate the demands of powerful figures like Otto Preminger and Kirk Douglas to protect his reputation and career.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8

There is a high level of conflict in the negotiation scene, driven by the characters' conflicting interests and the stakes involved.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting goals, external pressures, and moral dilemmas that challenge the protagonist and drive the conflict forward. The audience is kept on edge as they wonder how the characters will navigate the obstacles in their path.

High Stakes: 8

The negotiation over screen credit has high stakes for the characters, impacting their careers and relationships in the film industry.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by setting up future conflicts and developments related to screen credit and the characters' relationships.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the shifting power dynamics, moral ambiguities, and unexpected plot twists that keep the audience guessing. The characters' conflicting goals and motivations add layers of complexity to the narrative, creating a sense of unpredictability and suspense.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the clash between artistic integrity and external pressures. Trumbo must weigh his principles against the demands of the studio system and societal expectations, highlighting the tension between personal values and professional success.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 7

The negotiation scene evokes tension and seriousness, but the emotional impact is not the primary focus.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is sharp, reflecting the characters' motivations and adding depth to the negotiation process.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its dynamic character interactions, sharp dialogue, and high stakes conflict. The tension between the characters and the moral dilemmas they face keep the audience invested in the outcome, creating a sense of suspense and intrigue.

Pacing: 8.5

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a balance of dialogue, action, and descriptive elements that maintain the audience's interest and build suspense. The rhythm of the scene enhances its emotional impact and keeps the story moving forward at a compelling pace.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue formatting, and descriptive elements that enhance the visual storytelling. The formatting choices support the scene's tone and atmosphere, adding to its overall impact.

Structure: 8.5

The scene follows a clear and engaging structure, moving seamlessly between different locations and character interactions. The pacing and rhythm of the scene contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and suspense as the plot unfolds.


Critique
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Douglas is witty and captures their camaraderie, but it could benefit from more emotional depth. The stakes of the blacklist and the pressure they face could be more explicitly stated to enhance the tension.
  • The scene transitions between locations (living room to front door to soundstage) but lacks a clear visual or thematic connection between these spaces. Establishing a stronger link could help the audience follow the narrative flow more smoothly.
  • While the humor in Trumbo's response to Douglas about Preminger is effective, it may overshadow the seriousness of the situation. Balancing humor with the gravity of the blacklist's impact on their careers could create a more nuanced scene.
  • The introduction of Preminger feels abrupt. A brief moment of tension or a visual cue indicating his presence before he speaks could heighten the anticipation and establish his authoritative demeanor more effectively.
  • The conflict with Ed Muhl at the soundstage is introduced but not fully explored. Expanding on this confrontation could provide a clearer sense of the external pressures Douglas faces and the stakes involved in his decisions.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a moment where Trumbo reflects on the implications of working with Preminger and the potential consequences of Douglas's request. This could deepen the emotional stakes.
  • Incorporate more physical actions or reactions from Trumbo and Douglas that reflect their internal struggles with the blacklist. This could enhance the visual storytelling and provide insight into their characters.
  • Strengthen the transition between the living room and the soundstage by using a visual motif or a line of dialogue that connects the two settings, emphasizing the ongoing nature of their challenges.
  • Explore the dynamics between Douglas and Preminger more thoroughly. Perhaps include a moment where Douglas expresses his frustration with the pressures from the studio, which could add layers to his character.
  • Consider ending the scene with a more impactful line or moment that encapsulates the tension of the blacklist and the choices they must make, leaving the audience with a sense of urgency.



Scene 54 -  Legal Shadows and Oscar Dreams
INT. KING BROTHERS - FRANK’S OFFICE - DAY

Central to the whole room now is a framed one sheet for The
Brave One, announcing it as an “Academy Award Winner!” Frank
stomps past, watched cautiously by Hymie and Trumbo.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 112.
CONTINUED:

FRANK KING
You can’t admit you’re Robert Rich,
so twenty-seven people with twenty-
seven lawyers all say they’re
Robert Rich and we owe ’em money...
’cause they wrote The Brave One.
(tosses a thick document
onto his desk)
Five-hundred-thousand dollar
lawsuit.
(then another)
Two-million-dollar lawsuit. And my
favorite...
(another)
...a teacher from Eagle Rock who
wants eleven-thousand five-hundred
dollars, plus mileage and meals.

HYMIE KING
We settle, we’re wiped out.
Confess, we get subpoenaed.

DALTON TRUMBO
Gentlemen, I can say in all
honesty, this I did not see coming.

EXT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - BACK PATIO - TWILIGHT

Trumbo smokes alone, gazing into another perfect sunset,
mulling this latest twist in the road.

NIKI (O.S.)
Trumbo? Mind if I stick my nose
in?

He turns as she exits the house.

DALTON TRUMBO
Please.

NIKI
He knows.

She means their Neighbor in the white t-shirt, watering his
lawn on the other side of the fence.

NIKI (CONT’D)
He sees Kirk Douglas in and out of
here and Otto Preminger in his
Rolls. He’s an idiot but he’s not
stupid.
(sits near Trumbo)
Has he called the FBI? Congress?
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 113.
CONTINUED:
NIKI (CONT’D)
No. Because everything they can
do, they’ve done.
(then)
That Oscar belongs to you. Get it.

DALTON TRUMBO
Good God, you’re nothing like me.
(delighted)
You’re worse.
Genres: ["Drama"]

Summary In Frank's office at King Brothers, Frank confronts Hymie and Trumbo about the overwhelming legal troubles from 'The Brave One,' revealing lawsuits totaling over two million dollars. Frustrated by the complications of admitting he is Robert Rich, Frank worries about their financial stability. Outside, Trumbo reflects on the situation with Niki, who urges him to claim his Oscar, highlighting their neighbor's suspicions. The scene captures a tense yet reflective atmosphere, blending frustration with dark humor, and ends with a playful exchange between Trumbo and Niki, showcasing their bond.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Tension-filled interactions
  • Character development
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of resolution in some character conflicts

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively captures the emotional turmoil and tension between characters, setting the stage for significant developments in the plot.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of exploring the breakdown of relationships and the mounting pressure faced by the characters is compelling and drives the emotional core of the scene.

Plot: 8

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with tensions rising and relationships reaching a breaking point, setting the stage for further developments.

Originality: 9

The scene introduces a fresh take on the challenges faced by a screenwriter in Hollywood, blending humor and drama to explore themes of artistic integrity and survival in a competitive industry.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters are well-developed and their emotional arcs are effectively portrayed, adding depth and complexity to the scene.

Character Changes: 8

The characters undergo significant emotional changes in this scene, particularly in their relationships and perspectives.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to navigate the legal and ethical challenges presented by the lawsuits claiming authorship of his work. This reflects his need to protect his reputation and livelihood as a successful screenwriter.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to defend himself against the lawsuits and maintain his position in the industry. This reflects the immediate challenge he faces in preserving his career and reputation.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is high, with emotional confrontations and mounting pressure driving the interactions between characters.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with legal challenges and ethical dilemmas creating obstacles for the protagonist that raise the stakes and drive the conflict.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in this scene, with relationships on the line, personal struggles coming to a head, and the pursuit of recognition reaching a critical point.

Story Forward: 8

The scene moves the story forward by escalating tensions, deepening character relationships, and setting the stage for future developments.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists in the legal challenges faced by the protagonist, keeping the audience guessing about the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 7

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the protagonist's integrity and the pressure to compromise his principles for the sake of survival in a cutthroat industry. This challenges his beliefs in artistic integrity and ethical responsibility.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9

The scene has a high emotional impact, with intense moments and emotional confrontations that resonate with the audience.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and conveys the emotional turmoil and tension between the characters effectively.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its fast-paced dialogue, high stakes conflict, and witty character interactions that keep the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and suspense, with well-timed reveals and character interactions that drive the story forward.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings and dialogue cues that enhance readability.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional format for a dialogue-driven scene in a screenplay, with clear character motivations and conflict driving the action.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and stakes surrounding the lawsuits related to 'The Brave One.' However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the emotional weight of the situation. The characters are discussing serious legal troubles, yet the tone feels somewhat light, which may undermine the gravity of their predicament.
  • Trumbo's line, 'this I did not see coming,' feels a bit clichéd and could be replaced with something more original that reflects his character's wit and intelligence. This would help maintain the unique voice of Trumbo throughout the screenplay.
  • Niki's entrance and dialogue provide a nice shift in tone, but her character could be further developed in this scene. While she expresses concern about their neighbor's awareness, it would be more impactful if she also shared her feelings about the situation, adding depth to her character and her relationship with Trumbo.
  • The transition from the office to the back patio is visually appealing, but the scene could benefit from more sensory details to immerse the audience in the setting. Describing the sounds of the neighborhood or the feel of the sunset could enhance the atmosphere and provide a contrast to the tension in the office.
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Niki is playful, which is a nice touch, but it could be more poignant. Niki's encouragement for Trumbo to claim the Oscar feels somewhat abrupt. Expanding on her motivations and emotions regarding the Oscar could create a more powerful moment between father and daughter.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more subtext to the dialogue to reflect the characters' true feelings about the lawsuits and their situation. This could involve using metaphors or indirect references to their struggles.
  • Revise Trumbo's line about not seeing the situation coming to something more unique and reflective of his character's voice, perhaps incorporating humor or irony.
  • Develop Niki's character further by allowing her to express her own fears or frustrations about the situation, making her more relatable and deepening her bond with Trumbo.
  • Enhance the sensory details in the patio scene to create a more vivid atmosphere, allowing the audience to feel the contrast between the tension of the office and the tranquility of the sunset.
  • Expand Niki's dialogue about the Oscar to include her personal feelings about her father's achievements and the impact of the blacklist on their family, creating a more emotional connection in their exchange.



Scene 55 -  Defiance in the Spotlight
EXT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - NIGHT

January, 1959. News vans and equipment trucks clog the
drive. Cables snake into the brightly-lit house. The
Trumbos’ next-door Neighbor and OTHERS from the block stand
and rubberneck.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOME - STUDY - NIGHT

Trumbo and an INTERVIEWER are on camera in a blast of lights.

TV INTERVIEWER
For the record, you’re Robert Rich.

DALTON TRUMBO
I am.

INT. KIRK DOUGLAS’ MANSION - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Douglas is on the phone. In front of him, Muhl’s list. Most
of the names have been crossed out. But a few are circled.

KIRK DOUGLAS
(into phone)
Yeah, he’d be all right, and I
guess he’s free, interested...

Nearby, the TV is on. Douglas can’t keep his eyes off it.

TV INTERVIEWER (ON TV)
...and you wrote The Brave One.

DALTON TRUMBO (ON TV)
I did.

INT. HEDDA HOPPER’S MANSION - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Hedda, hosting a COCKTAIL PARTY, looks through a doorway into
her home office, where A FEW GUESTS are glued to the TV.

TV INTERVIEWER (ON TV)
Why come forward now?
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 114.


INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - CONTINUOUS

DALTON TRUMBO
As someone who’s been thoroughly
investigated by the House Un-
American Activities Committee, I
started wondering...

INT. HEDDA HOPPER’S MANSION - HOME OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

DALTON TRUMBO (ON TV)
...why hasn’t anyone ever taken a
good, long look at them? And their
work in the movie industry?

She approaches Trumbo’s TV face here in her home, her party
guests as awkward as caught children.

INT. OTTO PREMINGER’S HOTEL SUITE - CONTINUOUS

Preminger dresses for dinner, half-watching:

DALTON TRUMBO (ON TV)
They were convened to uncover enemy
agents, expose Communist
conspiracies and write anti-
sedition laws.

INT. KIRK DOUGLAS’ MANSION - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Douglas has the phone to his ear but is mostly watching:

DALTON TRUMBO (ON TV)
Now here we are, thousands of hours
and millions of dollars later:
agents uncovered -- zero;
conspiracies exposed -- zero; laws
written -- zero.

INT. OTTO PREMINGER’S HOTEL SUITE - CONTINUOUS

Preminger CHUCKLES, loving it.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In January 1959, Dalton Trumbo, interviewed on television as Robert Rich, boldly critiques the House Un-American Activities Committee, captivating viewers like Kirk Douglas, who discusses casting choices while watching. At Hedda Hopper's cocktail party, guests react to Trumbo's statements, reflecting divided opinions. Otto Preminger, amused by Trumbo's commentary, watches from his hotel suite. The scene highlights the tension surrounding Trumbo's defiance and the ongoing societal issues, ending with Preminger chuckling at Trumbo's remarks.
Strengths
  • Revealing crucial plot points
  • Strong character interactions
  • Impactful dialogue
Weaknesses
  • Limited external conflict
  • Lack of significant character changes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene is well-crafted, providing crucial information about Trumbo's past and current situation while setting up potential conflicts and resolutions. The dialogue is impactful and the tone is consistent with the overall theme of the screenplay.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing Trumbo's true identity and his public statements adds depth to the character and moves the plot forward. It also sets up potential conflicts and resolutions for future scenes.

Plot: 8.5

The plot is advanced significantly in this scene through the revelation of Trumbo's identity and his public statements. It sets up potential conflicts with other characters and adds layers to the overall narrative.

Originality: 9

The scene presents a fresh approach to the historical context of the House Un-American Activities Committee investigations, with authentic character actions and dialogue.


Character Development

Characters: 8

The characters are well-developed in this scene, with their reactions to Trumbo's revelations providing insight into their personalities and motivations. The interactions between characters drive the scene forward effectively.

Character Changes: 7

While there are no significant character changes in this scene, the revelations about Trumbo's identity and his public statements hint at potential transformations in future developments.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to challenge the status quo and shed light on the injustice of the investigations by the House Un-American Activities Committee. This reflects his deeper desire for truth and justice.

External Goal: 8

The protagonist's external goal is to defend his reputation and work in the movie industry against false accusations of Communist ties.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is tension in the scene, particularly in the reactions of other characters to Trumbo's revelations, the conflict is more internal and ideological rather than overtly confrontational.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the characters facing external threats and societal pressure that adds complexity to their goals.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in this scene as Trumbo's true identity is revealed publicly, potentially leading to further conflicts and consequences for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing crucial information about Trumbo's past and current situation. It sets up potential conflicts and resolutions that will impact the narrative trajectory.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the characters' uncertain fates and the tension between their goals.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict is between the protagonist's belief in freedom of speech and artistic expression versus the societal fear of Communist influence and the need for conformity.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8

The scene has a moderate emotional impact, particularly in Trumbo's public statements and the reactions of other characters. The revelations and reflections add depth to the characters and the overall narrative.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue in this scene is impactful and serves to reveal important information about the characters and the plot. It also sets up potential conflicts and resolutions for future developments.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging due to its tense atmosphere, sharp dialogue, and the characters' conflicting goals.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is effective in building tension and maintaining the audience's interest through quick transitions and sharp dialogue.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The scene follows the expected formatting for its genre, with proper scene headings and dialogue formatting.

Structure: 9

The scene follows the expected structure for its genre, with clear transitions between different locations and characters.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and stakes of Trumbo's public revelation as Robert Rich, showcasing the reactions of various characters in different settings. However, the transitions between locations could be smoother to maintain the flow of the narrative. The abrupt shifts might confuse the audience, as they may struggle to keep track of who is where and what their emotional stakes are in relation to Trumbo's interview.
  • The dialogue is strong, particularly Trumbo's assertive statements about the House Un-American Activities Committee. However, it could benefit from more emotional depth. While Trumbo's words are impactful, the scene lacks a visceral reaction from the characters watching him. Adding brief moments of their internal thoughts or reactions could enhance the emotional weight of the scene.
  • The visual elements are compelling, with the contrast between the brightly-lit Trumbo home and the various reactions from Douglas, Hopper, and Preminger. However, the scene could further utilize visual storytelling to convey the tension. For instance, close-ups of the characters' faces during key moments of Trumbo's speech could amplify their emotional responses and create a more intimate connection with the audience.
  • The pacing of the scene feels slightly rushed, particularly during the transitions. Each character's reaction to Trumbo's statements could be given more time to breathe, allowing the audience to fully absorb the implications of his words. This would also help build suspense as viewers anticipate how each character will respond to Trumbo's bold claims.
  • The scene's tone shifts between humor and seriousness, which is effective but could be more balanced. While Preminger's chuckle adds a layer of irony, it might detract from the gravity of Trumbo's statements. Consider adjusting the timing of these humorous moments to ensure they enhance rather than undermine the overall impact of the scene.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a brief internal monologue or reaction shots from the characters watching Trumbo's interview to provide insight into their emotional states and heighten the tension.
  • Smooth out the transitions between locations by using visual cues or dialogue that connects the scenes more fluidly, ensuring the audience can easily follow the narrative.
  • Incorporate close-up shots of the characters' faces during pivotal moments of Trumbo's speech to capture their emotional reactions and enhance the scene's impact.
  • Allow for more pauses in the dialogue to give characters time to react and for the audience to absorb the weight of Trumbo's statements, building suspense and emotional resonance.
  • Reassess the placement of humor in the scene to ensure it complements the serious themes being addressed, potentially adjusting the timing or delivery to maintain the scene's overall tone.



Scene 56 -  The Reckoning of Dalton Trumbo
INT. HEDDA HOPPER’S MANSION - HOME OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

DALTON TRUMBO (ON TV)
All they do is deny people the
right to work and they can’t even
get that right. Academy Awards --
(self)
-- two.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 115.
CONTINUED:

HEDDA HOPPER
Mother-FUCKER!

She HURLS her tumbler at the screen -- glass and liquid
EXPLODE over Trumbo’s TV image.

INT. OTTO PREMINGER’S HOTEL SUITE - CONTINUOUS

-- Preminger HOWLS with LAUGHTER --

INT. KIRK DOUGLAS’ MANSION - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

-- as Douglas hangs up the phone, silently transfixed.

TV INTERVIEWER (ON TV)
And how does that feel? To have so
undermined the blacklist it’s
almost a joke?

DALTON TRUMBO (ON TV)
A joke.
(contemplates this darkly)
I know the blacklist that produced
Robert Rich, I’ve seen its horror,
cruelty and hideous waste of life
as I’ve marched in the long line of
its anonymous.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - STUDY - CONTINUOUS

DALTON TRUMBO
I can’t invent one more witticism
about Robert Rich or the Oscar he
can’t claim... because that small,
worthless, golden statue is covered
with the blood of my friends.
Twelve years of this foul thing is
enough. None of us should yield
one more inch... or give them one
more life.

INT./EXT. PREMINGER’S ROLLS ROYCE/BEL AIR - DRIVING - DAY

January, 1960. Preminger is in back, holding the script of
Exodus, speaking into an elaborate mobile telephone of the
era:

OTTO PREMINGER
I’ve read your latest draft.

INTERCUT:
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 116.


INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - DINING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Trumbo is just sitting down to breakfast. He has the
Cockatiel.

DALTON TRUMBO
What do you think?

OTTO PREMINGER
My answer is on the front page of
today’s New York Times.

Trumbo picks up one of several papers there. And is
stoically astonished by a headline of January 20, 1960:

“OTTO PREMINGER ANNOUNCES EXODUS WRITTEN BY DALTON TRUMBO”

He is without words as he fully takes this in. Then:

DALTON TRUMBO
You hate it that much.

OTTO PREMINGER
Merry Christmas, Mr. Trumbo.
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary In January 1960, Dalton Trumbo appears on TV discussing the devastating effects of the Hollywood blacklist, provoking an angry reaction from Hedda Hopper, while Otto Preminger finds humor in the situation. Kirk Douglas listens intently, reflecting on the turmoil. Trumbo expresses his frustration over the Oscar awarded to the pseudonymous Robert Rich. The scene shifts to Preminger, who informs Trumbo that he has credited him as the writer of 'Exodus,' a revelation that stuns Trumbo as he reads the newspaper headline. The scene captures the tension and emotional weight of the blacklist's impact, culminating in a moment of unexpected recognition for Trumbo.
Strengths
  • Strong character development
  • Compelling themes
  • Emotional depth
Weaknesses
  • Some dialogue may be overly expository
  • Lack of visual variety in settings

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.7

The scene is well-crafted, with a mix of tension, reflection, and humor that keeps the audience engaged. It effectively conveys the emotional turmoil and moral dilemmas faced by the characters.


Story Content

Concept: 8.6

The concept of the scene, focusing on the aftermath of the Oscar controversy and the characters' responses to it, is compelling and thought-provoking. It adds depth to the narrative and explores important themes.

Plot: 8.7

The plot of the scene is engaging, with conflicts arising from the characters' decisions and the external pressures they face. It moves the story forward while delving into the emotional and ethical dilemmas of the characters.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era, exploring the personal and professional struggles of screenwriters like Dalton Trumbo with authenticity and depth. The characters' actions and dialogue feel genuine and compelling, adding to the originality of the scene.


Character Development

Characters: 8.9

The characters are well-developed, with complex motivations and relationships that drive the scene. Their interactions reveal their strengths, vulnerabilities, and growth throughout the narrative.

Character Changes: 9

The characters undergo significant emotional and moral changes in the scene, grappling with their beliefs, relationships, and the consequences of their actions. These changes drive the narrative and add depth to the characters.

Internal Goal: 8

Dalton Trumbo's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with the personal and professional sacrifices he has made due to the blacklist and to find a sense of closure and justice for himself and his friends.

External Goal: 7

Dalton Trumbo's external goal in this scene is to navigate the challenges of working in Hollywood during the blacklist era and to continue his career despite the obstacles he faces.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 8.5

The conflict in the scene is palpable, stemming from the characters' internal struggles, external pressures, and ethical dilemmas. It creates tension and drives the narrative forward.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing difficult choices and conflicting motivations that add complexity and depth to the narrative.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes in the scene are high, as the characters face personal, professional, and ethical challenges that could have far-reaching consequences. The decisions they make have significant implications for their lives and careers.

Story Forward: 9

The scene effectively moves the story forward by resolving conflicts, introducing new challenges, and deepening the characters' arcs. It sets the stage for future developments and adds layers of complexity to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected twists and turns in the characters' actions and decisions, keeping the audience on edge and invested in the outcome.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the themes of loyalty, integrity, and the price of standing up for one's beliefs. Trumbo's commitment to his principles clashes with the demands of the industry and the societal pressures of the time.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.6

The scene evokes a range of emotions, from tension and defiance to hope and reflection. The characters' struggles and dilemmas resonate with the audience, creating a strong emotional impact.

Dialogue: 8.4

The dialogue is sharp, poignant, and reflective of the characters' personalities and emotional states. It effectively conveys the themes of the scene and adds depth to the interactions.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its intense emotional content, sharp dialogue, and high stakes, drawing the audience into the characters' struggles and conflicts.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, leading to a climactic moment that reveals key character motivations and conflicts, enhancing the overall impact and effectiveness of the scene.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene's formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene headings, dialogue, and action descriptions that enhance the readability and impact of the scene.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a well-defined structure that effectively builds tension and drama, leading to a climactic moment that reveals key character motivations and conflicts.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension and emotional stakes surrounding the Hollywood blacklist, particularly through Trumbo's powerful statements on TV. However, the transition between the different locations (Hedda Hopper's mansion, Otto Preminger's hotel suite, and Kirk Douglas's kitchen) could be smoother. The abrupt shifts may confuse the audience, so consider using visual or auditory cues to signal these transitions more clearly.
  • Hedda Hopper's reaction to Trumbo's interview is visceral and impactful, showcasing her anger and the stakes involved. However, her exclamation 'Mother-FUCKER!' feels somewhat jarring in the context of the scene. While it emphasizes her frustration, it may detract from the gravity of Trumbo's statements. A more subtle expression of her anger could maintain the tension without overshadowing Trumbo's poignant commentary.
  • Trumbo's dialogue is strong and conveys his deep emotional connection to the consequences of the blacklist. However, the line 'I can’t invent one more witticism about Robert Rich or the Oscar he can’t claim...' could be tightened for clarity. The phrase 'can’t claim' feels redundant when discussing the Oscar, as it is already implied. Streamlining this line could enhance its impact.
  • The juxtaposition of Trumbo's serious reflections with Preminger's laughter creates an interesting contrast, but it may benefit from further exploration of Preminger's character. His amusement at Trumbo's plight could be more deeply rooted in his own motivations or insecurities, adding layers to his character and the overall conflict.
  • The final exchange between Trumbo and Preminger is effective in revealing the complexities of their relationship. However, the line 'Merry Christmas, Mr. Trumbo' feels somewhat disconnected from the preceding dialogue. It could be more impactful if it directly referenced their conversation about the script or the implications of the headline, reinforcing the tension between them.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a visual or auditory cue to signal transitions between locations, such as a sound bridge or a visual motif that connects the scenes.
  • Reevaluate Hedda Hopper's reaction to ensure it aligns with the overall tone of the scene. A more nuanced expression of her frustration could enhance the emotional weight.
  • Tighten Trumbo's dialogue by removing redundant phrases to increase clarity and impact.
  • Explore Preminger's character further to provide depth to his reaction to Trumbo's statements, potentially revealing his own vulnerabilities or motivations.
  • Modify the final line from Preminger to create a stronger connection to the preceding dialogue, reinforcing the tension and stakes of their relationship.



Scene 57 -  Defiance in the Face of Adversity
INT. UNIVERSAL PICTURES - SCREENING ROOM - DAY

Ed Muhl enters the dark, empty room, FLICKERING with a rough-
cut scene of:

Spartacus hurled against the wall by the African slave,
DRABA, pinned with his trident.

In a corner of the screening room, our Douglas is pleased,
picks up the phone. Notices Ed Muhl.

KIRK DOUGLAS
Hi, Ed, hang on.
(into intercom)
Put up the speech before the big
battle?
(into phone)
Warren, I’d like you to put out a
press release, saying the
screenplay for Spartacus was
written by Dalton Trumbo. Thanks.

Douglas hangs up. Ed Muhl doesn’t like this. One bit.

ED MUHL
Kirk. If you won’t get rid of
Trumbo, I will.



(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 117.
CONTINUED:

KIRK DOUGLAS
And right after I quit, you can
reshoot all my scenes. See, Ed,
for better or worse... I am
Spartacus.

INT. AMERICAN LEGION HALL - DAY

Hedda Hopper and John Wayne are both on stage, addressing TWO-
THOUSAND LEGIONNAIRES.

HEDDA HOPPER
There’s a picture coming out.
Starring Kirk Douglas. Written by
Dalton Trumbo.

HISSES and BOOS echo.

HEDDA HOPPER (CONT’D)
It’s called Spartacus. And don’t
believe it if there’s some other
writer’s name on it. We’re onto
them! Aren’t we?

APPLAUSE and mounting CHEERS.

JOHN WAYNE
We sure are. ’Cause it’s a new
day!
(the crowd ROARS)
A NEW DAY!

INT. LA SCALA RESTAURANT - NIGHT

Ed Muhl threads through the sleek industry CROWD, picks up a
phone at the bar:

ED MUHL
Yes?

INTERCUT:

INT. MOTION PICTURE ALLIANCE OFFICES - BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS

HEDDA HOPPER
Ed. Every theatre that movie is
in’ll get picketed unless you pull
the prints, tonight, and take that
fucking traitor’s name off.

ED MUHL
Hedda, that’s expensive and
pointless.


(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 118.
CONTINUED:

HEDDA HOPPER
Then kiss your movie, your studio
and your miserable ass goodbye!
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary In a tense scene, Kirk Douglas expresses his support for Dalton Trumbo as the credited screenwriter of 'Spartacus,' despite Ed Muhl's threats to remove Trumbo's name. The atmosphere shifts to an American Legion Hall where Hedda Hopper and John Wayne rally the audience against Trumbo, inciting hostility. The scene concludes at La Scala Restaurant, where Muhl receives a threatening ultimatum from Hopper to comply with her demands or face severe consequences, highlighting the political and personal stakes surrounding the film's production.
Strengths
  • Intense conflict
  • Emotional impact
  • Strong character dynamics
Weaknesses
  • Potential lack of clarity in some character motivations

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 8.5

The scene effectively conveys the escalating conflict and high stakes involved in revealing Trumbo as the writer of 'Spartacus,' with strong emotional impact and character dynamics.


Story Content

Concept: 8

The concept of revealing Trumbo as the writer of 'Spartacus' is compelling and drives the conflict and character dynamics in the scene.

Plot: 8.5

The plot progresses significantly in this scene, with the revelation of Trumbo as the writer of 'Spartacus' leading to escalating conflict and high stakes.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Hollywood blacklist era, portraying the internal struggles and external conflicts faced by filmmakers and actors during that time.


Character Development

Characters: 8.5

The characters are well-developed and their interactions drive the tension and emotional impact of the scene, particularly Kirk Douglas and Ed Muhl.

Character Changes: 8

The characters, especially Kirk Douglas, show a significant change in their stance and actions due to the escalating conflict and high stakes.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal is to assert his identity and integrity in the face of external pressure and threats to his career.

External Goal: 7.5

The protagonist's external goal is to protect his film and reputation from outside interference and censorship.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 9

The conflict in the scene is intense and drives the narrative forward, with high stakes and emotional impact.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing external threats, moral dilemmas, and conflicting loyalties that challenge their beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 9

The stakes are high in the scene, with the revelation of Trumbo as the writer of 'Spartacus' leading to potential consequences for the characters involved.

Story Forward: 9

The scene significantly moves the story forward by revealing key information and escalating the conflict to a critical point.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable due to the shifting power dynamics, moral choices, and unexpected twists in the characters' actions and decisions.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the themes of loyalty, integrity, and artistic freedom versus external pressures and censorship.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 8.5

The scene has a strong emotional impact, particularly in the defiance and resilience shown by the characters in the face of adversity.

Dialogue: 8

The dialogue is impactful and drives the conflict and character dynamics effectively, showcasing the defiance and tension between the characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its high stakes, moral dilemmas, and intense character dynamics, keeping the audience invested in the outcome.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and suspense, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' choices and actions.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for its genre, enhancing readability and clarity for the reader.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional screenplay format, effectively building tension and conflict through dialogue and character interactions.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures the tension between Kirk Douglas and Ed Muhl, showcasing Douglas's commitment to crediting Dalton Trumbo despite the industry's backlash. However, the dialogue could benefit from more subtext to enhance the stakes. Douglas's declaration, 'I am Spartacus,' is iconic but could be further developed to reflect his internal conflict about standing up for Trumbo amidst the industry's pressures.
  • The transition between the screening room and the American Legion Hall is well-executed, creating a contrast between the creative space of filmmaking and the hostile environment of public opinion. However, the scene could use more visual cues to emphasize the emotional weight of the moment. For instance, showing Douglas's physical reactions to Muhl's threats could heighten the tension.
  • Hedda Hopper and John Wayne's rallying speech is effective in illustrating the public sentiment against Trumbo, but their dialogue feels somewhat one-dimensional. Adding layers to their motivations or personal stakes in the situation could make their characters more compelling and relatable.
  • The pacing of the scene feels rushed, particularly in the transition from the screening room to the American Legion Hall. Slowing down the dialogue and allowing for pauses could enhance the dramatic tension and give the audience time to absorb the implications of the characters' actions.
  • The final exchange between Ed Muhl and Hedda Hopper is impactful, but it could be strengthened by incorporating more specific threats or consequences that would resonate with Muhl. This would clarify the stakes and make the audience feel the weight of the decision he faces.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding more internal conflict for Kirk Douglas, perhaps through a brief moment of hesitation or doubt before he makes his bold statement about Trumbo. This could deepen his character and make his commitment feel more earned.
  • Enhance the visual storytelling by including more physical reactions from the characters, such as Douglas's body language when confronted by Muhl or the crowd's reactions during Hopper and Wayne's speech. This can help convey the emotional stakes without relying solely on dialogue.
  • Develop Hedda Hopper and John Wayne's characters by giving them personal stakes in the situation. Perhaps Hopper has a past connection to Trumbo or Wayne has a personal reason for his animosity towards him, which could add depth to their motivations.
  • Slow down the pacing in key moments to allow the audience to fully grasp the implications of the dialogue. Consider adding pauses or reactions that reflect the weight of the situation, particularly after Douglas's declaration.
  • Clarify the stakes in the final exchange between Ed Muhl and Hedda Hopper by incorporating specific threats or consequences that would resonate with Muhl, making his decision feel more consequential and heightening the tension.



Scene 58 -  Triumph and Tension at the 'Spartacus' Premiere
EXT. GLAMOROUS HOLLYWOOD MOVIE THEATRE - NIGHT

October, 1960. The world premiere of Spartacus. (ARCHIVAL
FOOTAGE)

INT. GLAMOROUS HOLLYWOOD MOVIE THEATRE - NIGHT

The movie has begun. Black-tie AUDIENCE eyes drink in:

THE OPENING CREDITS OF SPARTACUS - UP ON THE SCREEN

We hear the percussive SCORE and see the stunning titles.

TRUMBO AND CLEO

Sit a few seats from Kirk Douglas and his WIFE as --

UP ON THE SCREEN - THE NAME DALTON TRUMBO APPEARS

Under the words “Screenplay by.”

TRUMBO’S OWN NAME

Is reflected in his glasses. And strikes him deeply.

CLEO

Grips her husband’s arm, holds her breath, savors this.

INT. TRUMBO HIGHLAND PARK HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Undressing, Trumbo hears a quiet SOB from across the room.

DALTON TRUMBO
Cleo?

She is at her vanity table, in her robe, CRYING.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
What, what is it?

CLEO
It’s over, isn’t it.

DALTON TRUMBO
Yes.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 119.
CONTINUED:

CLEO
And we made it...
(she can’t believe it)
Jesus, we made it, didn’t we...

DALTON TRUMBO
We did.

His eyes glisten. They clasp hands.

EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. - MOVIE THEATRE - NIGHT

January, 1961, and below the marquee announcing Spartacus,
SIXTY OR SO MEMBERS OF THE AMERICAN LEGION picket. There is
a HEAVY POLICE PRESENCE. Suddenly, the doors of the theatre
open, disgorging MEN IN DARK SUITS protecting --

PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY

As REPORTERS close in around him (a mix of actual news
footage and recreation), trying to get a comment --

TV COMMENTATOR (V.O.)
President Kennedy enjoyed a rare
evening off, attending the new Kirk
Douglas film, Spartacus.

Breezing by the glowering Legionnaires, he’s asked --

TV REPORTER (V.O.)
It’s a very controversial film,
what did you think?

PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY
It’s a, ah, fine picture and...

INT. HEDDA HOPPER’S MANSION - HOME OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

A hatless Hedda sits alone and watches:

PRESIDENT JOHN F. KENNEDY (ON TV)
...I think it’s going to be a big
hit.

Hedda turns him off, while on a glassy wall of her many
magazine covers, sees herself in 1947 under the masthead:

TIME

As we hear the sound of POLITE APPLAUSE.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 120.
CONTINUED:

MASTER OF CEREMONIES (PRE-LAP)
...this next award is given to that
member who has advanced the
literature of motion pictures. I
am proud to present The Writers’
Guild of America Laurel Award...
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary The scene captures the world premiere of 'Spartacus' in a glamorous Hollywood theatre, where Dalton Trumbo experiences a moment of triumph as his name appears on screen, celebrated alongside his wife Cleo. Their joy is palpable as they reflect on their struggles. The narrative shifts to January 1961, where President John F. Kennedy attends a screening of the film, praising it despite protests from the American Legion. Meanwhile, Hedda Hopper watches the events unfold on TV, reminiscing about her own Hollywood success. The scene concludes with the announcement of an award from the Writers' Guild of America, symbolizing further recognition for Trumbo.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Resolution of conflicts
  • Impactful storytelling
Weaknesses
  • Limited focus on external conflict
  • Dialogue could be more dynamic

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-structured, and pivotal in the narrative, showcasing the resolution of Trumbo's journey and the recognition of his talent.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of celebrating Trumbo's redemption and success in the face of adversity is well-executed, providing a satisfying conclusion to his arc.

Plot: 9

The plot is advanced significantly as Trumbo's struggles come to a head, leading to a resolution that impacts the characters and the overall story.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the behind-the-scenes drama of Hollywood during the 1960s, with a focus on the personal and political stakes of creative expression.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters' emotional depth and growth are central to the scene, particularly Trumbo and Cleo, as they confront their past and embrace their future.

Character Changes: 9

Trumbo undergoes a significant emotional transformation, from reflecting on his past to embracing his success, while Cleo experiences a cathartic release of emotions.

Internal Goal: 8

The protagonist's internal goal in this scene is to come to terms with his success and the sacrifices he has made for it. He grapples with feelings of achievement and loss as he reflects on his journey.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal in this scene is to navigate the public reception of his work and the political implications of the film Spartacus. He must deal with the controversy surrounding the movie and its impact on his career.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 7

While there is emotional conflict and tension surrounding Trumbo's past struggles, the scene focuses more on resolution and triumph.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with the protagonist facing external challenges from political forces and internal conflicts related to his personal and professional choices.

High Stakes: 8

The stakes are high in terms of Trumbo's reputation, legacy, and personal fulfillment, as the scene culminates in a public acknowledgment of his talent.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by resolving key conflicts, showcasing character growth, and setting the stage for the next phase of Trumbo's career.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional depth and political tension that arise from the characters' interactions and the historical context.

Philosophical Conflict: 9

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the tension between artistic freedom and political censorship. The protagonist must grapple with the consequences of his creative choices in a politically charged environment.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, triumph, and bittersweetness as Trumbo's journey reaches a poignant conclusion.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, capturing the characters' inner thoughts and emotions during this pivotal moment.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its blend of personal drama, historical context, and political intrigue, keeping the audience invested in the characters' emotional journeys.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional resonance, allowing the audience to connect with the characters' struggles and triumphs.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene adheres to standard formatting conventions for a screenplay, with clear scene headings, action lines, and dialogue.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a traditional structure for a dramatic moment in a screenplay, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a pivotal moment in Dalton Trumbo's life, showcasing the emotional weight of his name appearing in the credits of 'Spartacus.' However, the transition between the premiere and the intimate moment between Trumbo and Cleo feels abrupt. The shift from the grandeur of the premiere to the quiet domesticity could benefit from a smoother transition to maintain the emotional flow.
  • Cleo's emotional reaction is powerful, but it could be enhanced by providing more context about her journey alongside Trumbo. A brief flashback or a line reflecting on their struggles could deepen the audience's understanding of her tears and the significance of this moment.
  • The juxtaposition of the premiere with the American Legion's protest adds a layer of tension, but it feels somewhat disconnected from Trumbo's personal victory. Integrating a line or visual cue that ties the protest to Trumbo's emotional state could strengthen the thematic resonance of the scene.
  • The dialogue between Trumbo and Cleo is poignant but could be more dynamic. Consider adding subtext or conflict in their exchange to reflect the complexity of their emotions. For instance, Trumbo could express a mix of joy and lingering anxiety about the future, which would add depth to their celebration.
  • The use of archival footage is a strong choice, but it could be more effectively integrated. Instead of simply stating the date and location, consider using visual cues or sound design to create a more immersive experience that draws the audience into the historical context.
Suggestions
  • Add a brief flashback or a line of dialogue that reflects on Trumbo and Cleo's struggles leading up to this moment, enhancing the emotional weight of their victory.
  • Consider incorporating a line or visual cue that connects the American Legion's protest to Trumbo's emotional state, reinforcing the tension between personal success and public backlash.
  • Revise the dialogue between Trumbo and Cleo to include more subtext or conflict, allowing for a richer emotional exchange that captures the complexity of their situation.
  • Enhance the transition between the premiere and the intimate moment by using visual or auditory cues that create a smoother flow, maintaining the emotional continuity of the scene.
  • Explore the possibility of using sound design or music to heighten the emotional impact during the transition from the premiere to Trumbo's home, creating a more immersive experience for the audience.



Scene 59 -  A Call for Healing: Dalton Trumbo's Gala Speech
INT. A BANQUET ROOM - NIGHT

MASTER OF CEREMONIES
...to Dalton Trumbo.

On March 13, 1970, the MASTER OF CEREMONIES is on the stage
of a black-tie Writers’ Guild gala, where LIGHT CLAPPING
greets an older but still spry Trumbo, who regards his award
with a mixture of gratitude and amusement, then:

DALTON TRUMBO
(at the mic)
Often, when I stand before the film
community, there is an elephant in
the room -- me.
(mild LAUGHS ripple)
I thought I might address that.
(and begins his speech)
The blacklist was a time of evil.

As he speaks, voice echoing, WE CUT AROUND THE ROOM TO:

CLEO

At a table, unchanged in her simple, radiant elegance.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
And no one who survived it came
through untouched by evil.

WITH HER, CHRIS, MITZI AND NIKI

Now grown, beaming, proud.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
Caught in a situation that had
passed beyond the control of mere
individuals, each person reacted as
his nature...

IAN MCLELLAN HUNTER

Listens with a sad and knowing smile.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 121.
CONTINUED:

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
...his needs, convictions and
particular circumstances compelled
him to.

THEN TRUMBO SEES EDWARD G. ROBINSON

Staring stonily, almost daring the writer to continue.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
(thrown, pausing, then)
There was good faith and bad.
Courage and cowardice.

And we keep CUTTING AROUND THE ROOM TO:

OTTO PREMINGER

In all his shiny-domed glory.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
Honesty and dishonesty.

KIRK DOUGLAS

Still buffed to movie star perfection.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
Selflessness and opportunism.

THE KING BROTHERS

Hymie, ever-nervous, and Frank, deeply gratified.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
So when you look back on that dark
time, as I think you should now and
then, it will do no good to search
for heroes or villains. There were
none. There were only victims.

AND NOW WE GO BACK TO EDWARD G. ROBINSON

Disarmed, Trumbo’s compassion the last thing he expected.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
Victims because each of us felt
compelled to say or do things we
otherwise would not. To deliver
and receive wounds we truly did not
wish to exchange.




(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 122.
CONTINUED: (2)

NIKI

In particular is moved by this.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
That is why none of us -- left,
right or center -- emerged from
that long nightmare without sin.

TRUMBO’S EYES AGAIN FIND ROBINSON

And neither man looks away.

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
What I say here is not intended to
be hurtful to anyone. It is
intended to repair a hurt. To heal
wounds which years ago we inflicted
on each other and most of all...
ourselves.
(then)
Thank you.

And as the room RISES to give him a STANDING OVATION...

DISSOLVE TO:
Genres: ["Drama","Biography"]

Summary At the Writers’ Guild gala on March 13, 1970, Dalton Trumbo delivers a poignant speech reflecting on the Hollywood blacklist, emphasizing the shared victimhood of all involved and advocating for compassion and healing. His heartfelt words resonate with the audience, including family and fellow writers, culminating in a standing ovation that acknowledges the emotional weight of the past.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Powerful message of reconciliation
  • Strong character development
Weaknesses
  • Limited plot progression
  • Low external conflict

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-written, and beautifully executed, offering a poignant reflection on a dark period in Hollywood history.


Story Content

Concept: 9.5

The concept of reconciliation and shared victimhood in the context of the Hollywood blacklist is powerful and thought-provoking.

Plot: 8.5

While the scene is more focused on character reflection than plot progression, it effectively ties into the overarching narrative of Trumbo's journey.

Originality: 8

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the aftermath of the blacklist era in Hollywood, focusing on themes of forgiveness, redemption, and personal responsibility.


Character Development

Characters: 9

The characters, especially Trumbo, are well-developed and their emotional arcs are compelling, particularly in this moment of reflection and forgiveness.

Character Changes: 8

Trumbo undergoes a significant emotional change, moving from introspection and regret to forgiveness and understanding.

Internal Goal: 9

The protagonist's internal goal is to address the guilt and pain of the past, seeking reconciliation and healing for himself and others involved in the blacklist.

External Goal: 7

The protagonist's external goal is to deliver a speech at the gala and address the elephant in the room regarding the blacklist era in Hollywood.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 4

While there is emotional tension and past conflicts alluded to, the scene is more focused on resolution and reconciliation.

Opposition: 7

The opposition in the scene is strong, with characters facing internal and external conflicts that challenge their beliefs and values.

High Stakes: 3

The stakes are more internal and emotional in this scene, focusing on personal growth and reconciliation rather than external conflicts.

Story Forward: 7

While the scene doesn't significantly move the plot forward, it provides important emotional and thematic depth to the narrative.

Unpredictability: 7

This scene is unpredictable in its emotional twists and turns, as the characters grapple with complex moral dilemmas and personal conflicts.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict revolves around the idea of forgiveness, redemption, and the complexities of human nature in the face of difficult circumstances.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.5

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of empathy, reflection, and catharsis in the audience.

Dialogue: 8.5

The dialogue is poignant and reflective, effectively conveying Trumbo's message of reconciliation and the complexities of the Hollywood blacklist era.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its emotional depth, moral dilemmas, and historical context, drawing the audience into the characters' internal struggles.

Pacing: 8

The pacing of the scene effectively builds tension and emotional depth, keeping the audience engaged and invested in the characters' journey.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 8

The scene follows the expected formatting for a screenplay, with clear scene descriptions and character actions.

Structure: 8

The scene follows a structured format for a dramatic dialogue-driven scene, effectively building tension and emotional depth.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of triumph for Dalton Trumbo, allowing the audience to witness his growth and resilience after the struggles of the blacklist era. However, the emotional weight could be enhanced by incorporating more specific anecdotes or personal reflections from Trumbo that illustrate the impact of the blacklist on his life and career. This would deepen the audience's connection to his journey.
  • The dialogue is poignant and reflective, but it could benefit from a more dynamic structure. While Trumbo's speech is powerful, varying the pacing and incorporating moments of tension or humor could create a more engaging rhythm. For instance, adding a brief personal story or a humorous aside could break up the heavier themes and keep the audience engaged.
  • The use of visual cuts to various characters in the audience is effective in showcasing the diverse reactions to Trumbo's speech. However, the transitions could be more fluid. Instead of abrupt cuts, consider using a more gradual zoom or pan to create a smoother flow between Trumbo's speech and the audience's reactions, enhancing the emotional impact.
  • The scene's climax, where Trumbo calls for healing rather than blame, is powerful but could be made even more impactful by emphasizing the stakes involved. Perhaps including a moment where Trumbo directly addresses a specific individual in the audience, such as Edward G. Robinson, could heighten the tension and make the call for healing feel more personal and urgent.
  • The ending with the standing ovation is a fitting conclusion, but it might be more resonant if it included a moment of silence or reflection before the applause begins. This could symbolize the weight of the past and the significance of the moment, allowing the audience to fully absorb Trumbo's message before the celebration.
Suggestions
  • Incorporate a personal anecdote or story from Trumbo's past that illustrates the emotional toll of the blacklist, making his speech more relatable and impactful.
  • Vary the pacing of Trumbo's speech by adding moments of tension or humor to keep the audience engaged and create a more dynamic rhythm.
  • Use smoother transitions between cuts to audience reactions, perhaps through gradual zooms or pans, to enhance the emotional flow of the scene.
  • Consider having Trumbo directly address a specific individual in the audience during his speech to heighten the emotional stakes and make his call for healing feel more personal.
  • Add a moment of silence or reflection before the standing ovation begins to emphasize the significance of Trumbo's message and allow the audience to fully absorb the weight of the moment.



Scene 60 -  A New Dawn at MGM
EXT. MGM STUDIOS - SUNSET

The once-bustling dream factory is weedy and deserted but for
a defiantly dapper Trumbo, saying goodbye to TWO YOUNG
PRODUCERS who sport the era’s regulation jeans and beards.
As they move off, Trumbo pauses to light his cigarette.

JOHN WAYNE (O.S.)
Well, well.

Trumbo turns to see John Wayne getting up out of a
convertible: heavier, older, but still a mighty presence.

JOHN WAYNE (CONT’D)
What’re you doin’ here?

DALTON TRUMBO
Working with some young producers.

JOHN WAYNE
Me too.
(glares at Trumbo’s shaggy
pair)
Yours look just like mine. All
growin’ the hair we’re losin’.
(then)
(MORE)

(CONTINUED)
TRUMBO - JOHN MCNAMARA 123.
CONTINUED:
JOHN WAYNE (CONT'D)
I read in the paper. ’Bout your
award. Speech. Got me...

Trumbo waits as Wayne picks his words carefully:

JOHN WAYNE (CONT’D)
Ya fight when ya have to... maybe
not always the way ya want to.
What I mean is...

DALTON TRUMBO
I know what you mean.

They stare at each other. Anything might be said, anything
could happen. After a long silence:

DALTON TRUMBO (CONT’D)
It’s a new day.

And with those words, Dalton Trumbo holds out his right hand.
John Wayne looks down at it... then clasps it in his own.

JOHN WAYNE
Each ’n’ every morning.

These two powerfully different men shake hands, then:

JOHN WAYNE (CONT’D)
Better mosey. My producers need a
diaper change. You stay outta
trouble.

DALTON TRUMBO
That I will not.

Wayne concedes a smile as Trumbo strolls away, cigarette
smoke wreathed around his head like laurel, vanishing into
the shadows of a studio at twilight.

FADE OUT.

THE END
Genres: ["Drama","Historical"]

Summary As the sun sets over the deserted MGM Studios, Dalton Trumbo bids farewell to two young producers before encountering an aged yet commanding John Wayne. They engage in a reflective conversation about their careers and the evolving film industry, acknowledging each other's struggles and triumphs. Their exchange culminates in a handshake, symbolizing mutual respect and a hopeful new beginning. The scene captures a nostalgic yet forward-looking tone, with Trumbo walking away into the shadows, embodying both his past and future.
Strengths
  • Emotional depth
  • Character development
  • Symbolism
Weaknesses
  • Lack of intense conflict
  • Limited external stakes

Ratings
Overall

Overall: 9.2

The scene is emotionally impactful, well-structured, and beautifully executed, with strong character development and significant plot progression.


Story Content

Concept: 9

The concept of reconciliation and forgiveness is central to the scene, highlighting the themes of redemption and growth in the face of past conflicts.

Plot: 9

The plot progresses significantly as Trumbo and John Wayne reconcile, marking a turning point in their relationship and symbolizing a new chapter in their lives.

Originality: 9

The scene offers a fresh perspective on the Hollywood industry and the personal struggles of its key figures. The characters' actions and dialogue feel authentic and compelling, adding depth to the narrative.


Character Development

Characters: 9.5

The characters of Dalton Trumbo and John Wayne are well-developed and their interactions are authentic and moving, showcasing their growth and maturity.

Character Changes: 10

Both Trumbo and John Wayne undergo significant emotional growth and change during the scene, leading to a profound moment of reconciliation.

Internal Goal: 9

Trumbo's internal goal in this scene is to reconcile with his past actions and beliefs, as reflected in his interaction with John Wayne. He seeks validation and understanding for his choices, showing a desire for acceptance and forgiveness.

External Goal: 8

Trumbo's external goal is to maintain his reputation and continue working in the film industry despite the challenges he faces. He wants to show resilience and determination in the face of adversity.


Scene Elements

Conflict Level: 3

While there is tension between Trumbo and John Wayne initially, the scene focuses more on resolution and reconciliation rather than conflict.

Opposition: 8

The opposition in the scene is strong, with conflicting viewpoints and emotional stakes driving the interaction between Trumbo and John Wayne. The audience is left uncertain about the outcome, adding suspense and drama.

High Stakes: 4

While the stakes are not extremely high in this particular scene, the emotional stakes are significant as it marks a pivotal moment of reconciliation and growth for the characters.

Story Forward: 9

The scene moves the story forward by resolving a long-standing conflict and setting the stage for new beginnings and opportunities for the characters.

Unpredictability: 8

This scene is unpredictable because of the unexpected emotional turns and character revelations. The audience is kept on edge, unsure of how the interaction between Trumbo and John Wayne will unfold.

Philosophical Conflict: 8

The philosophical conflict in this scene revolves around the different approaches to standing up for one's beliefs and values. John Wayne represents a more traditional, conservative viewpoint, while Trumbo embodies a more progressive, defiant attitude. This challenges Trumbo's beliefs and values, forcing him to confront his past actions and decisions.


Audience Engagement

Emotional Impact: 9.8

The scene has a high emotional impact, evoking feelings of nostalgia, hope, and redemption through the heartfelt interaction between Trumbo and John Wayne.

Dialogue: 9

The dialogue is poignant and meaningful, capturing the essence of forgiveness and understanding between two complex characters.

Engagement: 9

This scene is engaging because of its rich character dynamics, emotional depth, and thematic complexity. The dialogue and interactions draw the audience in, creating a sense of intrigue and tension.

Pacing: 9

The pacing of the scene is well-executed, with a gradual build-up of tension and emotion leading to a poignant resolution. The rhythm and flow enhance the scene's impact and effectiveness.


Technical Aspect

Formatting: 9

The formatting adheres to the expected format for its genre, with clear scene descriptions, character cues, and dialogue formatting. It enhances the readability and flow of the scene.

Structure: 9

The scene follows a well-defined structure, with a clear setup, conflict, and resolution. The pacing and rhythm contribute to its effectiveness, building tension and emotional impact.


Critique
  • The scene effectively captures a moment of reconciliation between two iconic figures, Dalton Trumbo and John Wayne, which is a powerful way to conclude the screenplay. The contrast between their characters adds depth to the narrative, showcasing how personal and political differences can coexist.
  • The dialogue is succinct and impactful, particularly the exchange about fighting and the acknowledgment of a 'new day.' This encapsulates the themes of change and acceptance, which resonate well with the audience. However, the dialogue could benefit from a bit more subtext or emotional weight to enhance the stakes of their interaction.
  • The visual imagery of Trumbo surrounded by cigarette smoke as he walks away is poetic and symbolic, suggesting both his struggles and triumphs. However, the description of the setting as 'weedy and deserted' could be expanded to evoke a stronger sense of nostalgia or loss, reflecting on the decline of the studio system and the personal journeys of the characters.
  • The pacing of the scene is generally good, but the transition from the previous scene to this one could be smoother. The emotional high of the standing ovation might feel abrupt when juxtaposed with the quiet farewell at MGM Studios. A brief moment of reflection or a visual cue could help bridge this emotional gap.
  • The ending, while visually striking, could be enhanced by adding a final line or action that reinforces Trumbo's character arc. Perhaps a thought or a memory that lingers with him as he walks away could provide a more profound closure to his journey.
Suggestions
  • Consider adding a line or two of dialogue that hints at the complexities of their past interactions, which could deepen the emotional resonance of their handshake.
  • Expand on the setting description to evoke a stronger sense of nostalgia or loss, perhaps by including specific details about the studio's former glory or Trumbo's memories associated with it.
  • Introduce a brief moment of reflection for Trumbo before he walks away, allowing him to process the significance of the handshake and what it represents for his future.
  • Enhance the emotional stakes of the scene by incorporating a subtle tension or unresolved issue between Trumbo and Wayne that could be hinted at in their dialogue.
  • Consider concluding with a more definitive action or thought from Trumbo that encapsulates his journey and the themes of resilience and change, providing a stronger emotional punch to the ending.